# "Maybe you are gay" - wife's latest rationalization



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

For those of you who've read my posts before y'all know that one of those cuckold-esque 'hubbies' who's slowly been reduced to the household broom. You know what I mean - provider without benefits. The kind of guy who's too nice and as reward has been given privileges like vacuuming etc because 'you're good at it' type of guy.

You also probably know that a couple years back she admitted she was a Csa victim which added another dimension to this complex system. So of course I'm in a dry spell going on 9ish months now. I just hit a wall with trying and last June sort of said 'ah to #*{^ with it - models toys are more fun, work is more fun.

Since then she's introduced a cute little doggy to fam and little fido has become the object of her affection. And here's where my rant starts...

The other night I made a comment that "I wish guys could wear tights on public" mainly because I wear long johns around the house - they're the greatest invention ever and I was merely pointing out that it's a shame stereotypes make it near impossible (especially in good ole usa ) to do anything of the sort in fact once, while at a hotel I walked to the ice machine whole still wearing and almost got the $#!+ kicked out of me by 4 machos in the hallway for being a pansy. Upon making this comment my wife says 'maybe you're gay' and then began to site real world examples of people like Bruce Jenner etc. I matter of factually stated that there's a big difference between ones choice of clothing and ones sexual orientation but she was pretty adamant - I thought the comment was so ridiculous that the only thought that went through my head was 'my wife hardly knows me - wow'.

What it boils down to in my opinion is some serious denial about her state of sexuality - her state of asexually to be more precise. She makes and never has made any efforts to ever initiate, expects me to beg like a dog for it and when I don't, she buys a dog and proclaims that I am gay. What's more is it makes me even more suspicious that she is in fact gay - I written posts on the subject in the past. 

What gives ? This has reached epic madness
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Oh and please I know many may state the whole alpha male transformation trick - I tried it's like becoming someone you aren't and it feels manipulative - the other thing people suggest is the 'concentrate on me' thing. Well that's sort of where we are. And no I don't have hygene issues I know there a ton of Brits here whoah envision toothless overweight slob from Kentucky - no this is Hollywood zone and we all look like models here 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I went and looked at some of your other threads.

I guess my question is... why are you still with her?

It sounds like it has been years of the same thing, no resolution.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

FWIW... men do wear "leggings" and long-john "pants" (I believe they call them un-jeans) in public. Believe it or not, it is becoming a trend. I don't know many men who wear them, but her "gay" comment really is silly.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I haven't read your other stories, so I don't know your relationship background, so I'll give it a whirl based only on your post above.

My guess is she uses excuses to avoid sex. Plenty of them. Part of her psychological warfare (and typically with others like her if I'm right) is to put you down. Anyway she can. Use opportunities to put you down, whenever the situation presents. What this accomplishes is to diminish your self esteem in your eyes and hers.

Now she knows your not gay. That's not the point. It's marital warfare. Put you down. More emotional distance gained, point by point by point.

rack up the points and after a number of years, she hopes your mush.


----------



## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

This is a sh-t test. Next time she says that, respond with something joking like "yeah, I really want to f- the mailman in particular."

Or if you're inclined to be a bit more of a d-ck ( I would be) say something like, "yeah I guess that's why I like you so much, you look like a guy." Then laugh.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Anon1111 said:


> This is a sh-t test. Next time she says that, respond with something joking like "yeah, I really want to f- the mailman in particular."
> 
> Or if you're inclined to be a bit more of a d-ck ( I would be) say something like, "yeah I guess that's why I like you so much, you look like a guy." Then laugh.


Meet me in bed and I'll show you how gay I am...


----------



## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> FWIW... men do wear "leggings" and long-john "pants" (I believe they call them un-jeans) in public. Believe it or not, it is becoming a trend. I don't know many men who wear them, but her "gay" comment really is silly.


I like them, very fetching, the outline of the meat and two veg in the bottom photos are quite titillating

Definitely not gay to wear long johns KMC, it sounds like your wife was being intentionally mean.


----------



## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Missed opportunity to call her out.....

Hindsight's always 20/20. But if she were to continue along this line for some time, I would respond with something like:

"You would think that living in a virtually sexless marriage and having no sex for the past nine months would be a sign that I am gay. But I don't think so. To be on the safe side, let's do an experiment. Go to the bedroom, take off all your clothes and spread your legs. After I give you a good pounding, you can tell me if your opinion changes at all."


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Both take the 5 love languages quiz separately and then compare and results. This helped Mrs.CuddleBug and I because now we know each others love languages. I am Physical but she is Acts of Service. That means I need sex often and everything physical were as she only needs physical once in a while and doesn't want sex often.

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®

If she is LD, find out the reasons why. Mrs.CuddleBug admitted to me about one year ago, her LD is mainly due to her size and extreme insecurity. 16 years together she never told me that and one year ago she finally did and started going to a gym, lost weight, etc.

I am HD adventurous and she is LD vanilla

I too did the MAPP, 180, all that crap and you're right, you feel manipulative and its not who you are, me too. But what I did learn is when she asks a question, you have a firm answer. If she needs helps, just help her but if she can easily do it herself, don't help her. Romantic flowers once every few months, out of the blue with a nice card and her favorite sweets makes her week. Just doing chores around the house, inside and outside, running your place she will appreciated immensely but don't do them all.

I definitely speak my mind with my wifee and I'm not a Mr.Nice Guy. I do have somewhat of a short temper and my personality is strong at times. I am the Captain of our place and lead and she is my first mate in all things. I'm always encouraging her to speak her mind at work and I tell her she is professional and firm but not a ***** or nasty. She always asks me, what should we have for dinner or what are we doing? I have firm answers and plans in place and she likes this.

Sometimes, she might want space and do her own thing alone. My wifee is like this and sometimes sleeps on the couch all night and doesn't come to bed at all, like last night. But early in the morning, she sneaked into bed, started sucking on my ears and she likes to tongue my ears and her hand was in my underwear.....hint hint, which led to a great morning.

Some women just aren't very physical and don't want sex much but there are reasons for that. Abused, having an affair, using toys, insecure about their bodies and don't feel sexy, their love language isn't physical, bad ex bf, etc.

It could be she married you just to be married, have a house and take it easy. Once that's done and she's comfy, her true self comes out and she baited and switched you.

If she truly loved you, she would of gone to therapists and found out why she doesn't want physical closeness and sex a long time ago.

Wish you the best brother.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

KendalMintcake said:


> ....You know what I mean - *provider without benefits*. The kind of guy who's too nice and as reward has been given privileges like vacuuming etc because 'you're good at it' type of guy.
> 
> You also probably know that a couple years back she admitted *she was a Csa victim *which added another dimension to this complex system.
> 
> ...


Where to start?

First you are not gay and people do wear tights in public. I wear them one or two times a week in public. Specifically, I like to do endurance runs and endurance bike rides. CWX endurance tights can allow you to run farther and faster due to their compression technology. CW-X Conditioning Wear

Second, you really should get some professional counseling for the two of you with some possible additional help for her. I highly recommend you start with a sex therapist because of her sexual abuse and your sex starved marriage. From your post, it appears she really doesn't respect you.

Third, do focus on yourself and make yourself happy and do things you enjoy that make you a more interesting person. If you dramatically change yourself, she will notice. This will allow her to realize that change is possible. After you have made some changes, feel less desparate for her affection, then try doing some 180's (MW Davis, Sex Starved Marriage book) that will force her to change the way she reacts to you.

Good luck.


----------



## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

What is your plan? Waiting for a particular age / event then divorce "out of the blue"? Cheat? Just suck it up and wait for death?


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> FWIW... men do wear "leggings" and long-john "pants" (I believe they call them un-jeans) in public. Believe it or not, it is becoming a trend. I don't know many men who wear them, but her "gay" comment really is silly.


Pressed the Like button on that one because those men looked hot in their tight trousers. My H wanders round the house in his long johns but doesn't look like that at all. He just looks like a fifty-something guy wandering round in baggy grey long johns  . Maybe it's part of his LD defence strategy - he may think that looking so unattractive will dampen my desire for sex - it does dampen my desire for sex with him, but not for sex with somebody. Damn, those men are hot.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> FWIW... men do wear "leggings" and long-john "pants" (I believe they call them un-jeans) in public. Believe it or not, it is becoming a trend. I don't know many men who wear them, but her "gay" comment really is silly.


I dunno. Looks gay to me.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

So it looks like you are fighting an image problem with your wife. She's not attracted to you because she thinks you're effeminate? Is there a theme here that goes beyond this incident? Does she make fun of you or make comments about your likes or interests - like critiquing you for liking lattes, for example?


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

KM,

A couple observations:
Your core issue seems to be that you aren't taking ownership of yur own life. You've let yourself be turned into whatever you are. Your wife can't MAKE you do anything. 

Even worse, I'm pretty sure you are still rewarding her current behavior in many ways. I'm guessing that your goal isn't to reward her, rather it is to 'keep the peace'. 

I have gay friends and am totally a 'live and let live' guy. 

It's also true that the first time I saw your screen name I thought: that is a very effeminate screen name. Not suggesting it MEANS anything. 








KendalMintcake said:


> For those of you who've read my posts before y'all know that one of those cuckold-esque 'hubbies' who's slowly been reduced to the household broom. You know what I mean - provider without benefits. The kind of guy who's too nice and as reward has been given privileges like vacuuming etc because 'you're good at it' type of guy.
> 
> You also probably know that a couple years back she admitted she was a Csa victim which added another dimension to this complex system. So of course I'm in a dry spell going on 9ish months now. I just hit a wall with trying and last June sort of said 'ah to #*{^ with it - models toys are more fun, work is more fun.
> 
> ...


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> *It's also true that the first time I saw your screen name I thought: that is a very effeminate screen name. Not suggesting it MEANS anything.*


*
*

Glad I'm not the only one who thought the choice of username was curious. No offense meant, but first time my thought was a urinal cake.

Bear in mind, I chose a weird name so I'm not holding anything against anyone on name choices!


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MarriedTex said:


> Missed opportunity to call her out.....
> 
> Hindsight's always 20/20. But if she were to continue along this line for some time, I would respond with something like:
> 
> "You would think that living in a virtually sexless marriage and having no sex for the past nine months would be a sign that I am gay. But I don't think so. To be on the safe side, let's do an experiment. Go to the bedroom, take off all your clothes and spread your legs. After I give you a good pounding, you can tell me if your opinion changes at all."


:rofl:


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

P9,

When I saw your screen name I just thought it had a science fiction flavor to it, or a technical kind of feel. 



QUOTE=Plan 9 from OS;12290690][/B]

Glad I'm not the only one who thought the choice of username was curious. No offense meant, but first time my thought was a urinal cake.

Bear in mind, I chose a weird name so I'm not holding anything against anyone on name choices! [/QUOTE]


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> P9,
> 
> When I saw your screen name I just thought it had a science fiction flavor to it, or a technical kind of feel.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Shout out to Ed Wood - worst director in history. Also, I'm an engineer. You got me.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

KendalMintcake said:


> What gives ? This has reached epic madness



Kenda my man, you need to get rid of the dorky long john and tights (find some gay guys to give them to), get yourself some blue jeans and v neck, sleeveless tee shirts and quit kissing your old lady's azz. (figuratively speaking). If my wife had so little respect for me to call me gay, I'd probably bang the neighbor chick who she knows has the hots for me. Here's the thing Dawg. Men in blue jeans look like they are ready to take on the hard task and willing to get their hand dirty, Men walking around the house in long johns look like they are getting ready to take a crap.


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> P9,
> 
> When I saw your screen name I just thought it had a science fiction flavor to it, or a technical kind of feel.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

If anyone watched 'the young ones' back in the 80s they'd know the character Mr Kendal Mintcake - the supposed heir to the famous Kendal Mintcake candy bar. Maybe if it were Kendal fruitcake then maybe. It's just a pop culture thing. Sorry guys 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Appreciate the replies - personally I have no qualms really about gender stereotypes to each his own - I wear what I want to #%{+ with anyone who doesn't like it which probably doesn't help nearly getting attacked by machismos. 

Honestly I think the comment I got was either a way of saying 'I don't like the fact that you are not groveling for sex anymore' or, 'I want to distract from the fact that I may be a lesbian'. One of two ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> FWIW... men do wear "leggings" and long-john "pants" (I believe they call them un-jeans) in public. Believe it or not, it is becoming a trend. I don't know many men who wear them, but her "gay" comment really is silly.


these used to be white and go under the real pants when temperatures went down to -20F...


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Who would rather hang out with, the above or this guy.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

doobie said:


> Pressed the Like button on that one because those men looked hot in their tight trousers. My H wanders round the house in his long johns but doesn't look like that at all. He just looks like a fifty-something guy wandering round in baggy grey long johns  . Maybe it's part of his LD defence strategy - he may think that looking so unattractive will dampen my desire for sex - it does dampen my desire for sex with him, but not for sex with somebody. Damn, those men are hot.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Who would rather hang out with, the above or this guy.


To be brutally honest, the "gay guys" and the jeans wearing guy look exactly the same to me except for the clothes. Somewhat longer wavy (slightly oily) hair, sideburns and the trendy 5 o'clock shadow that male models seem to think looks cool.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Who would rather hang out with, the above or this guy.


One of the dudes above wearing those terrible long john pants that are in right now is David Gandy, one of the highest paid male models in history, considered to be one of the most handsome men to ever walk the planet, who probably has more offers for P in a week than most men will see in 10 lifetimes, no matter what combo of jeans and v-neck shirt they're wearing. 

Just saying.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

KendalMintcake said:


> Appreciate the replies - personally I have no qualms really about gender stereotypes to each his own - I wear what I want to #%{+ with anyone who doesn't like it which probably doesn't help nearly getting attacked by machismos.
> 
> Honestly I think the comment I got was either a way of saying 'I don't like the fact that you are not groveling for sex anymore' or, 'I want to distract from the fact that I may be a lesbian'. One of two ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Simpler than that to me.

She either thought she was being funny, for whatever reason ...

or, she doesn't like or respect you much.


----------



## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

Tell her "Hey honey, you might be right. There's a guy at work who was in a sexless marriage, whose wife was such a B**ch, it turned him gay......maybe you're doing that to me."


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> To be brutally honest, the "gay guys" and the jeans wearing guy look exactly the same to me except for the clothes. Somewhat longer wavy (slightly oily) hair, sideburns and the trendy 5 o'clock shadow that male models seem to think looks cool.


:rofl: :lol:

You guys are cracking me up!!

It's pretty obvious to me that most of the men here don't like (and wouldn't wear) those long johns I posted!! lol...


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jaquen said:


> One of the dudes above wearing those terrible long john pants that are in right now is David Gandy, one of the highest paid male models in history, considered to be one of the most handsome men to ever walk the planet, who probably has more offers for P in a week than most men will see in 10 lifetimes, no matter what combo of jeans and v-neck shirt they're wearing.
> 
> Just saying.


To do an apples/apples comparison to illustrate that the average guy needs to stay away from the long johns when chasing bush.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Point well made... and taken!!


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> To do an apples/apples comparison to illustrate that the average guy needs to stay away from the long johns when chasing bush.


Phoenix - bru you are cracking me up. Personally I prefer the bald eagle - it is so choice ! And whoever mentioned v-necks ... Totally off limits for a dude sorry - there's a big difference between wearing pants for comfort around the house verses a frogmen v-neck which was designed specifically to show cleavage. V-necks on guys is strictlu forbidden in my book !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

*Long johns can be sexy...*










*Or not...*










:rofl:


----------



## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

KendalMintcake said:


> For those of you who've read my posts before y'all know that one of those cuckold-esque 'hubbies' who's slowly been reduced to the household broom. You know what I mean - provider without benefits. The kind of guy who's too nice and as reward has been given privileges like vacuuming etc because 'you're good at it' type of guy.
> 
> You also probably know that a couple years back she admitted she was a Csa victim which added another dimension to this complex system. So of course I'm in a dry spell going on 9ish months now. I just hit a wall with trying and last June sort of said 'ah to #*{^ with it - models toys are more fun, work is more fun.
> 
> ...



Ok! I have not posted any thing on this sight in a long time until today. 

Dud, bro, sir I have learned one thing in life in relationships "don't ask them. Don't plan it."" by asking you are Impovering them to control you. Women want a lover not a dog. Next time have a good day take her out to dinner, give her a massage (non sexual) before you go to sleep. kiss her good night and hold her and go to sleep. Do this kinda a stuff for a week. But absolutely nothing sexual. And do not tell her you love her not once. 
A week after take a break in the middle of your shift from work come home, give her a passionate kiss. "" Do not tell her you love her.do not ask her if it's ok or how she feels "" Bend her over and and do your business. Now yes yes yes I know I know this is not going to work, she is going to be like what the fk. 
Now what you do next will save your marriage ( not kidding ) with out saying a word and really calm and relaxed manner fix your self up Look right into her eyes and say "" teach the sex dole toy how to cook and get the fk out of my life "". Hehehehe and go back to work heheheheh 
Good luck


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

dkphap13 said:


> Ok! I have not posted any thing on this sight in a long time until today...
> 
> Look right into her eyes and say "" teach the sex dole toy how to cook and get the fk out of my life "". Hehehehe and go back to work heheheheh
> Good luck


Sounds like a plan .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> To do an apples/apples comparison to illustrate that the average guy needs to stay away from the long johns when chasing bush.


Stay away from long johns, yes. However, I will say that when I am out running 5-15 kilometer races or doing long bike rides, as a man wearing tights, I get a lot of women who flirt with me.

I think it is more about that I am showing them that I am physcially active, in shape, not bad looking, and Height-weigh-proportional. So tights and chasing bush are not mutually exclusive, depending on what the ladies are wearing and the other guys are wearing. At runnnig and bike events not wearng tights might actually hurt your chances of chasing bush (the kind that grows on a woman's groin and those lips).


----------

