# Workaholic husband and sex...



## FSO (Aug 21, 2013)

I'm new here and just looking for some insight to a very frustrating issue that I'm having, I'm really not comfortable talking about this to anyone in real life... I'll keep this as short as possible!

So my husband and I are self-employed and work from home. That being said, he is a workaholic and knows it. Almost from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to sleep he is working or thinking about work. 

So we got into an argument the other day about sex. Here is the way I see it... He wants oral as a "release" but he isn't really interested in anything else. It doesn't matter who initiates, he wants to start out with oral for him but then doesn't want it to stop or change to anything else, he finishes, and I'm left hanging... This happens about 9 times out of 10. It got to a point where we don't kiss, don't cuddle, he doesn't touch me pretty much at all. So this leaves me feeling unloved, unattractive, and it has pretty much turned me off sex at all. Right now, I feel like even if he were to want to touch me I wouldn't want him to anymore at all. 

They way he sees it (what I gathered from our last argument). He says that he is stressed and needs that "release" and that he doesn't want to have to worry about doing anything else with me. He said that with work he feels like he doesn't have time to help me get off too or to cuddle afterwards. He just wants his and then wants to immediately get back to work.

I don't understand how he can be as stressed as he claims he is... He does work from home and being a business owner is stressful, I get that because I own a business as well. However, I take care of all the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, bill paying, taking care of our pets (no kids), etc... 

I was really hurt by him saying that he just doesn't have time to make sure I'm satisfied too and I have no clue what to do now!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You have a baseball bat anywhere?

He seriously expects you to drop to your knees and take care of him then send you off to take care of yourself?

Baseball bat is my only suggestion at this point!


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Or a sharp knife!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I've gotta agree with Pink! Other than that, just stop "taking care" of him and let him initiate and take care of you first. This is totally unreasonable and unacceptable on his part, and I don't care how busy he is or how important work it, it's NOT more important than your relationship. If it is, you don't HAVE a relationship, and would be better off on your own, IMO.



BTW, I've got a spare bedroom and I'm sure my wife wouldn't mind ...


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

He sounds like a selfish bastard.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Stop giving him bj's.

Agree he's a selfish ass.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Since you are a business owner and domestic housewife, just tell him you need oral release first - then leave him hanging...what a jerk!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FSO (Aug 21, 2013)

Well I agree he is being selfish...

To be honest I don't know that asking him to take care of me first would work, last time I tried that he said he had to shower first and then after the shower he got distracted with something else...

I have refused to do anything since the argument and he hasn't dared ask for anything yet. Not sure this is going to work though


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

FSO said:


> Well I agree he is being selfish...
> 
> To be honest I don't know that asking him to take care of me first would work, last time I tried that he said he had to shower first and then after the shower he got distracted with something else...
> 
> I have refused to do anything since the argument and he hasn't dared ask for anything yet. Not sure this is going to work though


Stick to your guns sister!

No doubt, in the next few days he will apologize and admit to being selfish, then want to make sweet love to you to prove he isn't a selfish bastard...then a few weeks later, things will go back to him sending you off to take care of yourself because you'll have been riding a cloud and not noticed the steady backslide!

Follow Kendal's advice. have him get you off the next nine times you engage then get distracted and forget about him...

What a douche!


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

I agree. Cut off sexual contact, until he decides to set boundaries for his work (keeping it between 9-5, for example). Buy a big pink rabbit and keep it on your bedside table until he's ready to take care of you too.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

FSO said:


> I'm new here and just looking for some insight to a very frustrating issue that I'm having, I'm really not comfortable talking about this to anyone in real life... I'll keep this as short as possible!
> 
> So my husband and I are self-employed and work from home. That being said, he is a workaholic and knows it. Almost from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to sleep he is working or thinking about work.
> 
> ...



You both work at home and have your own business

Yet you do all the chores, errands, grocery shop, bills paid on time.

No kids.....yet.

He only wants you for oral and then he's done with you and blames everything on his business

Wow.


This guy of yours is a lazy piece of crap and uses you for a BJ only when he is in the mood and does nothing for you in return.


Time for marriage counseling and having the talk with him.

Tell him, you are sexually starved and miserable. You don't even want him to touch you anymore. Either he has full sex (give and receive and not just oral), or tell him you are going to the lawyer for a divorce.

This guy of yours is spoiled and a jerk to your needs.

Either he smartens up or divorce him and find a real man who would love to have crazy adventurous sex with you all the time and doing 50% of the chores, cuddle, listen, like most guys do.

And no more oral for him unless he gives you oral first and to orgasm.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Selfish. Plain and simple. I'm not even sure why someone would want to stay with someone so selfish.

Has anyone ever heard of one of these types changing? I wonder what the prognosis is. That's a pretty brash thing to say... "I only want the release of a bj".


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Not only is your husband impossibly selfish, he's actually brassy enough to be that selfish out loud and upfront. That's some stones right there.

This is him telling you who he is. Believe him.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

FSO said:


> I was really hurt by him saying that he just doesn't have time to make sure I'm satisfied too and I have no clue what to do now!!



I think your husband is being unreasonable, but I'm not going to jump on this bandwagon here, calling him names, etc. That's the easy way out and it isn't really advice.

Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with giving someone a BJ as a release - *once in a while*. Where he's unreasonable is expecting that to replace all sex and affection.

If your life has been so consumed with work that these "releases" are your only form of sex, then it's obvious he has totally lost his way and his sense of priorities. This is just like constantly putting more oil into a car with an oil leak, instead of actually fixing the leak. It's ok to do that once in a while, but it shouldn't be a regular thing. 

Tell him you are willing to do this for him occasionally, but there has to be balance in your lives. But if you've been arguing over this, he might not listen to you now. It might be better to go to a marriage counselor instead. If he says that he doesn't have the time/money for that, just tell him that a divorce would be at least ten times as expensive!

There's another angle you should consider though. Does he close his eyes when you give him oral? I have heard of husbands who were closeted gays, and they liked receiving oral because they could imagine a man doing that to them, but they didn't want to touch their wife because it would ruin the mental picture. Just something else to consider.


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