# Can I be everything my son needs?



## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

Well, my ex and I have been a aprt for a year and you'd think I'd be used to him letting me down in regards to our son. He rarely takes him for his once a week two hour visit. He never takes him for his entire weekend, just one night of two usually. Sometimes he's supposed to visit my baby and he just doesn't show up. No call. Nothing. My son isn't even two yet and this has been the last year of his relationship with his dad. I already try to be proactive by never saying "Daddy's coming". If he actually shows up then I says, "daddy's here". I try never to bad mouth my ex in front of my son even though he wouldn't understand what I'm saying I'm sure. I take him out to parks and pools and playgrounds and play dates. We do learning activities and read stories and practice safety. I make sure he has everything he needs and more wihtout any help financially (its a huge struggle, but I do all that I can). I work full time so I can't always be with him as much as I want too. I try really really hard to be a good mom. I don't know how I can be more for him but I know I do have to be. How do I be a mom and a Dad? My baby deserves a great Dad. He's so sweet and wonderful. I just want him to be happy and have everything he deserves ... but I don't know how to be and do all those things! I'm starting to feel like I'm failing him ... and its just tearing me apart.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I don't think you can be a dad, good or otherwise, and I wouldn't try. You can do everything that a Dad might do, but you'll still be "mom". Continue giving 100% as a good mom. That's what you are and that's where your expertise is.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You can be everything your son needs, but not by trying to be two people at once. Be the best mom you can be, give everything you have as a mom. Know your shortcomings and involve people you can rely on to help counter those shortcomings: when your son is old enough and wants to learn to throw a football and you know you can't do it, get your brother or your dad or your friend Joe to teach him, stuff like that. 

My ex-husband hasn't seen our sons in...oh, gosh, about 6 years. I currently have a boyfriend, but I was single for a good majority of those 6 years. I have a great dad who is an awesome grandpa and has been there for my boys. I have a couple of really great male friends whom I've known for years who were good for getting advice on boy stuff and figuring out how boys think and all. 

You also have to accept that you cannot make your son's father do anything more with your son than he wants to do. Once you accept that and acknowledge that this is all your son is going to get and start planning the rest of your life accordingly, you'll find that things are so much easier. When you stress and try to figure out how to get him to be more involved, or stress over how to take up his slack and how to explain it to your kid, you're only making it harder on yourself.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

The father is the one missing out on his time with his son. There will be other men in his life: grandpas, uncles, friends, coaches, and a step dad whenever you meet the right guy.

He is happy and he has everything he deserves. He has you. A caring, loving, wonderful mother. You are not failing him. Relax and enjoy the time you have with your baby boy.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You sound like a great mom. Just focus on continuing to do that and make sure that as he grows, he has positive male role models in his life - uncles, cousins, grandpa. 

Be careful not to introduce boyfriends to your son until and unless they are serious and long-term. So many single moms seem to involve their kids in their dating life and that revolving door exposes kids to a cycle of bonding and then losing men in their lives. That is harmful to kids. It doesn't sound like you are doing this, but it warrants mentioning.


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