# Why is he flirting am i wrong?



## bbaypink (Jul 2, 2012)

Ok Men here is a question for you! A guy that i work with is a flirt. He is married and so am i. we both married for 14 yrs. Not only is he a flirt with me but he is a flirt with all women. his wife knows this about him. His flirting consists of saying sexual things like, I like those pants on you you look great, your but looks good in them and next thing i feel is a little swat on my butt. I told my husband that he is a flirt (but not about the butt part) I explained to my husband that I kinda of like that he has flirted with me b/c he has made me feel sexy again. My husband and I are madly in love. We have great sex and b/c this guy has given me the confidence I feel and act sexy again. My husband has seen a difference too and is loving that his wife is all over him. My question is, I'm i doing something wrong by not saying something about the butt part to the flirting "boss". I don't flirt back but certainly have not stopped him. I don't ever plan on ever doing anything with this guy but he has made me alive again. My husband and i are very open we have talked about if he were to do anything with another women please don't tell me and vise versa. why do i feel guilty? and what does this flirty guy think of me for allowing this to happen


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Well you feel guilty because you omitted part of the story essentially lying to your husband by not telling him the full truth, and if this guy is your boss, what he is doing is considered sexual harassment, a comment that is welcomed is one thing, but a swat something entirely different... ug... this is why so many company's have such strict sexual harassment policies that people who legitmately want to date, cannot! I think it is natural when someone flirts with someone it does give confidence, however if this person you have to deal with on a regular basis and you are not stopping it, you are giving the man the wrong impression, and thus "welcoming" his advancements, and should he back you into a corner, he is going to claim that you wanted it, you gave him every indication that you wanted him.... kwim? (for the record I am female) I have seen this happen to women where innocent flirting gets out of control because someone crosses a line and no one stops it. maybe speak to him, let him know comments are okay, but he needs to maintain a hands off approach. then tell your dh like it happened that day and tell him what you said to him. That it won't be a concern again


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## aussiechick (Jul 1, 2012)

If the situation was reversed how would you feel.

By all means take a little confidence and flattery but i wouldn't encourage this behavior to continue. I am sure it would be hurtful if your man was flirting all the time with another woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbaypink (Jul 2, 2012)

Thanks for your feedback, I think i knew it was wrong when i typed this thread. i work with this guy occasionally he does free- lance work and i help him out every know and then, he owns his own "company" and yes i would be hurt if my man was flirting all the time. so thanks. 
Do you suggest that i tell my husband or should i tell the "boss" first of the hands off approach and then tell my hubby?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Here's the male view: I used to work in a very, very large organization. I was a suit and tie guy and in management at a very young age. 80% of the 500 or so people in our operation were women 50 and under. I worked there from age 19-44 when I left to start my own company. I was hit on at least once almost every day. I was ambushed under the mistletoe with kisses (tongue), had women jump on my lap in the break room and grind their crotches on me, had them look at the computer screen from behind me while resting their boobs on either side of my neck, tell me about the interracial porn they watched last night, etc. etc.

When I was single, I laughed it off cause most of these women were married with the ring to prove it. But after I married, I would duly report all this action to my wife, just to make it less likely that anything would happen. It made her uptight and may or may not have contributed to some questionable activities on her part while traveling that may or may not have occurred (she was flying lots of red flags for a while).

My point is that unless you're prepared to blow things up at work, with all that entails, just tell the dude not to touch you, and continue enjoying the flirts. Just be aware of what's going on and act accordingly.

I loved the attention and when I got old and fat I really missed it. So, when women harass men, we basically love it. Unfortunately, the downside is that when women repeatedly and explicitly offer sex, they get pretty mad at you when you don't go for it.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

The problem is because you have allowed him to swat your butt this guy is gonna think it's ok to do more than that, he needs to be stopped before he lands up taking it too far!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bbaypink said:


> Ok Men here is a question for you! A guy that i work with is a flirt. He is married and so am i. we both married for 14 yrs. Not only is he a flirt with me but he is a flirt with all women. his wife knows this about him. His flirting consists of saying sexual things like, I like those pants on you you look great, your but looks good in them and *next thing i feel is a little swat on my butt. I* told my husband that he is a flirt (but not about the butt part) I explained to my husband that I kinda of like that he has flirted with me b/c he has made me feel sexy again. My husband and I are madly in love. We have great sex and b/c this guy has given me the confidence I feel and act sexy again. My husband has seen a difference too and is loving that his wife is all over him. My question is, I'm i doing something wrong by not saying something about the butt part to the flirting "boss". I don't flirt back but certainly have not stopped him. I don't ever plan on ever doing anything with this guy but he has made me alive again. My husband and i are very open we have talked about if he were to do anything with another women please don't tell me and vise versa. why do i feel guilty? and what does this flirty guy think of me for allowing this to happen




In my opinion,
everything is ok except the " slap butt" part.
That is an inaproppiate type of touch in a work environment.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

uhm the slapping of the butt is a no go.
but i think personally that you are leaving a door wide open at work even though you say you havent stopped him, will you ever? maybe question yourself and close that door before you feel so sexy that you shut it with you and him in the same room, and ask if your husband would like the idea that another man is making you feel sexy, and that is why you are feeling more sexy with him. (do not mean this in any way to hurt you- sharing my thoughts). there needs to be a part of yourself that feels sexy enough for you. and if you have that confidence it will show and make you glow baby!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Why does it take a random guy at work complementing you and slapping your butt (lord help me) to make you passionate in your relationship and feel "alive".

Why isn't your husband enough?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> In my opinion,
> everything is ok except the " slap butt" part.
> That is an inaproppiate type of touch in a work environment.


I absolutely agree! It's actually sexual harassment for him to touch you in a sexual way.

You feel guilty because you liked it. You should feel guilty. This behavior can lead you into dangerous territory. It's best you end personal contact now. Keep your contact at a business level.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I find it a little dangerous that it takes a male co-worker to make a woman feel sexy and passionate about her husband. If her marriage was on shaky ground, this could leave her wide open to an EA, IMO, and I believe that this sort of flirting is best avoided.

The butt slapping was inappropriate.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Why does it take a random guy at work complementing you and slapping your butt (lord help me) to make you passionate in your relationship and feel "alive".
> 
> Why isn't your husband enough?




In my opinion,
Its because of the way we as humans beings are wired.
I see nothing wrong wit it,other than the " butt slap."
The same thing happens to men all the time.
Work environments,offices etc are saturated with many forms psychosexual stimulation.
It all depends on the person's maturity and also that boundaries are kept.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

bbaypink said:


> Ok Men here is a question for you! A guy that i work with is a flirt. He is married and so am i. we both married for 14 yrs. Not only is he a flirt with me but he is a flirt with all women. his wife knows this about him. His flirting consists of saying sexual things like, I like those pants on you you look great, your but looks good in them and next thing i feel is a little swat on my butt. I told my husband that he is a flirt (but not about the butt part) I explained to my husband that I kinda of like that he has flirted with me b/c he has made me feel sexy again. My husband and I are madly in love. We have great sex and b/c this guy has given me the confidence I feel and act sexy again. My husband has seen a difference too and is loving that his wife is all over him. My question is, I'm i doing something wrong by not saying something about the butt part to the flirting "boss". I don't flirt back but certainly have not stopped him. I don't ever plan on ever doing anything with this guy but he has made me alive again. My husband and i are very open we have talked about if he were to do anything with another women please don't tell me and vise versa. why do i feel guilty? and what does this flirty guy think of me for allowing this to happen


You’ve probably already done a great deal of damage to your relationship with your husband and therefore your marriage.


You’ve told him a half truth, which is the worse type of lie. Half truths are immensely damaging as they are so exceedingly deceitful. If your H ever discovers all of the truth he will feel immensely betrayed and then experience and feel all the emotions of betrayal by you and wonder what else you lie about!

Tell your H the truth and face the consequences of your deceit! And do it before he discovers the truth for himself, you don’t ever want to go there with that one for all sorts of reasons, believe me.

I was with my wife for over 4 decades. Believe me there are many other less dangerous and deceitful ways to keep the hots for one another.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Bbaypink, I guess you are fully aware that you’ve let another man (OM) into your marriage? And that you share at least one sexual secret with him?

And that by telling your H a half truth and deceiving him, if he ever finds out he may well imagine you’ve had a full blown affair and that’s why you didn’t tell him?

People make a massive mistake when discovered in half truths by trying to cover them up with yet more deceits. They just dig deeper and deeper holes for themselves.

My marriage imploded based on a half truth by my wife. I knew the whole truth, but she just kept on digging with more deceits and all else that goes with them.

What she’d actually lied about was of no consequence to me, none at all. The fact that I discovered she’d sat next to me telling her half truth and deceiving me and then continuing lying ended my very long term marriage as I knew for a fact I could never again trust her to tell me the whole truth.

These things are a massive betrayal. In essence you have told your H that you do not trust him with the truth and you’ve let deceit into your marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You feel guilty because you know this is wrong.

The factd you didn't tell your husband EVERYTHING that has be happening is proof of that.

This guy is totally inappropriate. You say he's a boss? This is sexual harassment. Touching your bum at work? And making those cmments? HIGHLY inappropriate and horrible lack of boundaries.

How would you feel if your husband was grabbing a colleague's bum at work and making the same comments? And he enjoyed it? My guess is you would not be ok with it.

Because... obviously it's wrong.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Drive by poster....last login was 10 days ago


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oops....

Lol.

And I was going to come back and say "He's flirting because you are allowing it. Shut it down."


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