# Feeling compelled to go back...



## ninaballerina

Hi everyone!

So here's my situation. I'm relatively a newly wed (about 5 years). When we got married, we thought it was best to have a secular wedding, mainly because his family had different religious beliefs from each other, and my family is super Catholic. As we were non-church goers at the time, we thought (and still think) that this was the best solution for everyone. 

Now, I have been talking to some friends at work from religous backgrounds, mainly Catholic. Now, as I grew up in a Catholic household, I don't really believe in that doctrine. I actually have nothing against the religion, or had a bad experience at church ( to the contrary, it was actually very positive), it was some fundamental things (like transubstantiation and the infallibility of church leaders) that I disagreed with. However, after talking to friends, I realized, maybe I still believe that Christ was our Savior, and even when I wasn't going to church, I strongly supported Jesus' message. 

I haven't gone to church since college, but one thing I do miss is the sense of community. I wouldn't mind giving it a try again, though through research, I feel like a non-denominational Christian church would be the best for me. 

So here's the problem. Hubby is agnostic, which is fine by me. It's my firm belief that no one should ever be forced to go to church or worship a certain way, as I think they will be called to find God in their own way and in their own terms (this is why I'm non-denominational, I don't think one particular branch has it completely right, rather I feel we all believe the same fundamental thing, just a different way of doing things). I guess, if anyone has been away from church for awhile, you might be nervous to how he'll react. Note, I don't want him to come with me, i just want him to be accepting of my choice. 

I think he'll be okay with it, he's pretty open with how diverse his family is, and he has mentioned that he wouldn't mind any children we may have in the future being exposed to religion (though we wouldn't force them to go after they've experienced it, again with my finding God belief). But any advice on how to bring up to hubby how I want to look for a church again?


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## EleGirl

I think you just tell him. Start with the things you said here that you miss the community and you still believe in the things you listed. Since you will not put pressure on him for this I doubt he would object if he is a reasonable person.

If you don't mind, I'm curious about your objection to the "infallibility of church leaders". This concept is usually very misunderstood.


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## ninaballerina

Basically, growing up, I was brought up to believe that God spoke directly to the Pope and the bishops about church teachings. This, as I was taught, is related to holy days of obligation and the whole not eating meat on Fridays as well as other things on church doctrine. I personally like the community structure better and I think that pastors serve as guides, but their interpretations shouldn't be considered authority equal with Scripture. Even if I am mistaken, this is the impression I got from growing up, and I humbly disagree.

And because from my experience, the whole meatless Friday thing seems to ruffle a lot of feathers for some reason, I'm not saying its a bad thing. I think it's a good sacrifice for Lent, which is a time to focus on God and sacrificing pleasures. However, I don't think it should be a mandated thing, but this is just my opinion.


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## EleGirl

ninaballerina said:


> Basically, growing up, I was brought up to believe that God spoke directly to the Pope and the bishops about church teachings. This, as I was taught, is related to holy days of obligation and the whole not eating meat on Fridays as well as other things on church doctrine. I personally like the community structure better and I think that pastors serve as guides, but their interpretations shouldn't be considered authority equal with Scripture. Even if I am mistaken, this is the impression I got from growing up, and I humbly disagree.
> 
> And because from my experience, the whole meatless Friday thing seems to ruffle a lot of feathers for some reason, I'm not saying its a bad thing. I think it's a good sacrifice for Lent, which is a time to focus on God and sacrificing pleasures. However, I don't think it should be a mandated thing, but this is just my opinion.


Some people think that infallibility means that any and every thing the Pope says and does in infallible. That is false. Infallibility means that then the Pope speaks from his seat or position as Pope that the statement is infallible. But in order for a statement to be infallible it must be cleared through the College of Cardinals. There have been no more 25 times in the history of the Catholic Church when a Pope has made a statement that is considered inflatable. Many scholars argue that it’s even less.

Don’t’ know who taught you that God speaks directly to the Pope and the Bishops? I’ve been a Catholic for 63 years and studied it quite a bit and have never heard that claim. Instead the clergy, which includes those at the Vatican are extremely well educated in the scriptures, etc. and thus can often make a much more informed interpretation of the scriptures, etc.

On the topic of not eating meat on Fridays, did anyone ever tell you what this is about? Sunday is the major holy day of a week. Friday is also considered a minor holy day every week because Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Religions worldwide have often used fasts and prayer as a form of religious observance and penitence. So the idea of giving up meat on Fridays is so that we give up eating the flesh and organs of animals and birds as a form of remembrance and penitence for sacrifice made by Jesus. 

Of course people who are ill and/or have special needs are not required to do this.

I myself do not find doing something special to remember the crucifixion of Jesus once a week as bothersome. 

What I was told by my priests is that if a person does not have feel that honoring the Friday fast does anything for them they should not do it. It’s not meant to be something followed blindly. That does nothing useful.

Of course we all have our own opinions. I just find that a lot of people misunderstand these things.


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## 2ntnuf

Learning new beliefs and expressing them is time consuming and challenges our system of beliefs engrained from childhood. It is a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. You will find yourself changing in ways you would never expect. These changes will affect your life and marriage. You are right in being concerned. I hope it works for you.


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## Jamie.11

Talk about it. Hopefully he might open up what's on his mind and share his thoughts with you. After all, it's not bad to try new things.


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## relationshipsguide_gal

Hi, glad you feel the calling once more. Couldn't be any happier for you  I think you're husband would understand your choice to go back to Church, as long as he doesn't feel compelled to come with you. PS: you may need to actually tell him that you're not compelling him whatsoever and that you just feel the yearning to go back to your faith or community once more. 

I am also Catholic and there a lot of things about our religion that i don't feel like agreeing with? After all i think no religion is perfect. Faith could be perfect, but not religion. I mean, religion is just a form of expressing one's Faith and we all have a different way to express our beliefs. What matters most is Faith - that you believe in God/ Jesus or something that is inherently Good. As for me, i found the best way to express my Faith or beliefs - through Catholic practices, most of all through Prayer and the examples or teachings of Jesus. What I do is I just try my best to focus on all the good things that my Faith in Jesus Christ is bringing into my life, and i hope somehow, people could appreciate and accept it.  God bless!


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