# He is texting his mother about possibly leaving me and she said I?m the problem in li



## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I just found text messages between my fiancé and his mother (who he rarely talks to and everyone thinks is a nut) ?. where she is encouraging him to leave me and says that his life is in a bad place and that I am the common denominator.

My fiancé responds back with ?i know??he says he is depressed. He misses himself?that he misses her and hanging out with her (she lives out of state).

he says he is considering new jobs and one that is in her state too.

She says we are all there for you..whenever you say?but not around her.

He says i know?I probably should move on?.he says ?it?s a tough one??

I am shaking? I don?t know what to do. We have been struggling for sure?but I didn?t realize he was agreeing with his mom?and letting her trash me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@sarast99 Then he is still tied to his mother's apron strings and he is still a little boy seeking his mother's approval.

He misses hanging out with her? :wtf: that sounds icky.

Drop him and get yourself a real man.


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## NestingWife (Nov 16, 2017)

Remove yourself from the situation. Get in your car and drive somewhere that you can be alone, in private. Turn off your cell and just think all this through, aloud. Give yourself at least a few hours to do this. I have done this and it works.

Also, it is obvious that he is not in the right frame of mind for marriage. It sounds like his mother may have too much control over him. Before marriage, he needs to have already established boundaries with his mother that prevent her from influencing his thinking. As a wife, you deserve a husband who will put you first, not his mother.

It sounds like it's time to put the marriage plans on hold until certain things have been resolved, and if they cannot be resolved, then you must move on.

IIWY, and I saw a text that said, "I probably should move on? Its a tough one??" that would be the nail in the coffin. I'd tell him it's over. No matter how much it hurt.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


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## NestingWife (Nov 16, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


IIWY, I'd end it. Immediately.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> @sarast99 Then he is still tied to his mother's apron strings and he is still a little boy seeking his mother's approval.
> 
> He misses hanging out with her? :wtf: that sounds icky.
> 
> Drop him and get yourself a real man.


^^^This. Your fiance is *48* years old! WtF?!?

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


that's typical behavior for a cheater. Did you download his deleted text messages? http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=401522

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It doesnt sound like a happy relationship for either of you, so why are you still there?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

What could you possibly see in this man? Drop him and get into therapy to work on your self esteem and fix what is wrong with you that you would allow someone to treat you so poorly.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


I was married to a man that didn't act this nutty until after the wedding. You are fortunate enough to be fore-warned. His jealousy isn't about you and you should not feel flattered by it (if you are or not). It's about his insecurity. You will be marrying his insecurity (and his family). That's a horrible thing to be bound to because neither will ever be supportive or care for you. 

Often times, people think that you think like they do when they are sneaky/manipulative. Think about that the next time he is jealous. 

I think the advice you got from the person that told you to get away for a few hours is sound. If he can't give you that time to yourself without a fight, he doesn't love you.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Update. I confronted him and i texted his mother And asked her to ?respectfully please not try to alienate her son from me and respect our relationship?. She responded back and said that my fiancé would expect nothing less from her. Then she said that the fact that my mom and i don?t get along shows a lot about how unloveable i am. 

I started to cry. I asked him to text her and ask her to stop and respect our relationship. He said no. He was not getting invoked and i said that says a lot. He said yep. He instructed me to block her. 

Again he would not text her or stand up for me. He said that he will not do my drama


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> Update. I confronted him and i texted his mother And asked her to ?respectfully please not try to alienate her son from me and respect our relationship?. She responded back and said that my fiancé would expect nothing less from her. Then she said that the fact that my mom and i don?t get along shows a lot about how unloveable i am.
> 
> I started to cry. I asked him to text her and ask her to stop and respect our relationship. He said no. He was not getting invoked and i said that says a lot. He said yep. He instructed me to block her.
> 
> Again he would not text her or stand up for me. He said that he will not do my drama



I hope you don't plan on taking part in any more of his or his mom's drama either.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Yeah i hear you. But what do i do? What do i believe ? He won?t even stand up to her for me?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

sarast99 said:


> Yeah i hear you. But what do i do? What do i believe ? He won?t even stand up to her for me?


You believe what you see with your own two eyes, and what you hear with your own two ears. His actions are telling you everything you need to know. 

You have two choices, put up with a mommas boy with jealousy issues, who suffers from forgetfulness and acts shady as **** or...... You can split up and send this one packing. 

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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> Yeah i hear you. But what do i do? What do i believe ? He won?t even stand up to her for me?


What do you do? I can tell you what you DON'T do and that is marry this guy that flat out told you he won't stand up for you. 

Since he won't, then you do it: STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

There are far worse things in this world than being alone and this guy is one of them.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

LISTEN TO WHAT EVERYONE HERE IS TELLING YOU. Your fiancé has made it abundantly clear he will not stand up for you. IOW, he does not have your back. 

This would be a no-brainer for me. I'd dump him like radioactive waste. 

But here is my question to you: Why, why, why, in heaven's name, would you degrade and denigrate yourself for this man???? 

Marriage is all about putting your spouse's well-being first. This guy is telling you - even before you are married - that you run a distant second to his mommy. Y-U-C-K. Seriously.


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## NestingWife (Nov 16, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> Update. I confronted him and i texted his mother And *asked *her to ?respectfully please not try to alienate her son from me and respect our relationship?. She responded back and said that my fiancé would expect nothing less from her. Then she said that the fact that my mom and i don?t get along shows a lot about how unloveable i am.
> 
> I started to cry. I asked him to text her and *ask *her to stop and respect our relationship. He said no. He was not getting invoked and i said that says a lot. He said yep. He instructed me to block her.
> 
> Again he would not text her or stand up for me. He said that he will not do my drama


You do not ask for respect, you simply demand it. And when it is not given, you do as Prodigal said, "...dump him like radioactive waste."

When you ask for respect, instead of demanding it, you set yourself up for abuse. You were just abused by his mother, when she said you were unlovable.

I'd never put up with this type of treatment, as people like that are toxic and not worth another second of your time.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

He said I?m trying to polarize him and he won?t put up with my drama and I?m sick.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> He said I?m trying to polarize him and he won?t put up with my drama and I?m sick.


It's simple deflection to avoid his own issues. Just get away from him, any possible relationship is going to be a train wreck. Get off the tracks.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

sarast99 said:


> He said I?m trying to polarize him and he won?t put up with my drama and I?m sick.


Oh really? So this mommy's boy is telling you what is wrong with you. Consider the source. You can choose to believe him, which I have the feeling you do (to some extent). But he's doing this because you are allowing him to play you. Frankly, who gives a crap what this clown says. Can't you see that he's damaged goods????

Please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from this man. And ask yourself this: Why are you allowing him to treat you as second-best?

P.S. - How old are you, and have you ever been married before? Has he ever been married?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

And, an added P.S. while I'm on a roll ... A 48-year-old man who goes to his mother to discuss whether or not to marry you - before discussing his apprehensions with you - is worthy to be your husband because????????


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I don?t know why some letters appear as weird symbols. But wanted to thank you for the responses. Yeah, he says that she is important to him and by my engagement with her i am ruining the day and he will not talk to her. 

She texted him and said i guess you share your conversations with your fiancé aka girlfriend aka (insert my name). 

I said respond to her. Tell her that i am your fiancé! He said no. So she texted me and said tell him to call me. I said he chooses not to engage with your drama. 

And you need to stop. Please. Respect the fact that we are a strong unit. She said ?give his phone back to him now *****? 

I sent her a pic of him sitting next TJ me and asked to stop. She said ?nice try __?. You aren?t with him. You are insane. 

He still wouldn?t tell her to stop. He said that it?s all my fault for engaging with her. 

He just came up now and kissed me and told me i am loveable despite what she says. And i just smiles. 


I need to just plan to exit this. It will break my heart. Right before Thanksgiving?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I have been married one before. I am 43


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


Another huge red flag. Your fiance, does not sound very emotionally stable tbh and could be a potential abuser.
Time to rethink your future and find a man whom you can trust and who is not tied to his mother's apron strings. Believe you me, I married a man who was more loyal to his mother than me, it took us moving away from his mother's country to establish a proper marriage relationship where it was US and not his mother too. Only after MC did he see the damage it caused. Do NOT marry this man.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I am sorry for coming down so hard on you. I can "hear" from your posts that you really want this relationship to work. But, sadly, there is just too much drama here. I can understand that you are upset, but just take a step back and look at this for what it is. His mother is putting herself in the middle of YOUR relationship. 

This boils down to boundaries. You can keep engaging her, and she will come right back at you. She LOVES fighting for her son. Please see this for the sick dynamic it is. Your fiancé is siding with his mother, and she is brainwashing - or should I say, HAS brainwashed - her son. 

You deserve better than this. Do you have friends and/or family you can stay with? Have you considered therapy? Start by loving yourself and believing in yourself. Get these losers out of your life, no matter how lonely and broken you may feel. Gain self-esteem and self-respect; refuse to engage in arguments with people this crazy.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Yes. Dump him before the holidays! No reason to draw this out any further. Like a bandaid, just grab it and rip. It hurts, but then its over and you can start working on yourself. By the time the new year rolls around you will have had time to get yourself in a better mindset and start of 2018 knowing you are headed in the right direction right out of the gate. 2018 is going to be your best year ever! Rip that bandaid off and move forward!


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

It stinks. But, yeah, he should at a minimum tell me he is sorry his mother talked to me that way and that he is sorry he talked badly to her ...about me. He can?t even do that. 

He just says he wants to stay out of it and I ruined our day because i participated in the responses back to her horrible texts. 

He says...you just love to start problems don?t you. Every single day. I said SHE insulted me. She called me unlovable and said that YOU don?t love me. 

How is this MY fault?!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

sarast99 said:


> How is this MY fault?!


It's not. He will always take his mother's side and make you out to be the bad guy. These type of people can drive you crazy because they refuse to validate you, your feelings, your opinions, your beliefs, etc. I went through this years ago when I was involved with a man who was, basically, chained to his mother and her approval of him. 

I was in a no-win situation. You are in the same situation now. No matter what you do, it will ALWAYS be your fault. Get away from this toxic man. Get into counseling. Get the anger out of your system. Believe me, you DO have a lot of anger toward this jerk ... not to mention his mother. Until you get out of this, do not engage him or his crazy mother in any further debates.

Once you see your value as a person, you will be able to make better choices for partner.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

How did you get the strength to leave.... it?s 3 days before a major family holiday. My friends will be out of town. 

How do you get the strength?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I should also say he just told me that i should stop engaging with her because she has a high profile blogger friend who could easily ruin me ...online.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

sarast99 said:


> I should also say he just told me that i should stop engaging with her because she has a high profile blogger friend who could easily ruin me ...online.


This sounds like a threat. And you get the strength to leave by remembering what he said that made you feel like this:

"I am shaking? I don?t know what to do. We have been struggling for sure?but I didn?t realize he was agreeing with his mom?and letting her trash me."


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Well the reality is he barely talks to her more than once a month so while I?m hurt i realize i should keep this in perspective. 

Is this salvagAble? You would leave and go no contact before the holiday?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

sarast99 said:


> I should also say he just told me that i should stop engaging with her because she has a high profile blogger friend who could easily ruin me ...online.


Your fiance is not your friend, his actions and statements are making this so obvious. It is also obvious that you are so enmeshed with all this BS that you cannot see the wood from the trees. If your friend came and told you what you have told us, what advice would you give her? You would probably tell her to dump him and run for the hills.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

You say you've been struggling with other stuff in your marriage. Can you elaborate?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Yeah a lot. Mostly respect issues. If i ever tell him that I?m offended by something...it turns into a war.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Are you really 43 years old and putting up with this crap? He's a 48 year old mummy's boy for god sake! Aint nothin' attractive about that!

Dump him.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

I think what bothers me most is the fact that he basically threatened me. He told me that i need to leave his mom alone and block her or she will ruin my reputation online because she has a friend who is a well known blogger. 

How is that even close to ok? I told him that made me very fearful of him and her and he said well too bad.


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## NestingWife (Nov 16, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> Is this salvagAble?


No. Not at all. It's so far from being salvageable, it isn't even funny. This entire situation is, at its very core, so toxic and so unhealthy and so deeply troubled that it has to be exited.



sarast99 said:


> You would leave and go no contact before the holiday?


Absolutely. Without a second thought. I'd have done it as soon as I saw that text you mentioned in your OP.



sarast99 said:


> How did you get the strength to leave.... it?s 3 days before a major family holiday. My friends will be out of town.
> 
> How do you get the strength?


That is a good question. I guess I've always been a strong person. Where does strength come from? I'm not sure, but my first thought is intense, seething anger and even rage at the treatment you are receiving. In addition to the hurt, I'd be very angry. And you have every right to be, if you are. 

Life's too short to stay in the company of toxic people who are treating you with disrespect and abuse. You urgently need to take up the advice of others here who have suggested you go to counseling to examine why you entered this relationship to begin with. 

You should also seek out the non-toxic people in your life who you can talk to for support during this time.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> I just found text messages between my fiancé and his mother (who he rarely talks to and everyone thinks is a nut) ?. where she is encouraging him to leave me and says that his life is in a bad place and that I am the common denominator.
> 
> My fiancé responds back with ?i know??he says he is depressed. He misses himself?that he misses her and hanging out with her (she lives out of state).
> 
> ...


Boys talk to mommy about their problems. Men talk to men. Ditch the boy and find a man.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You don't find the strength to leave; you get ANGRY enough about the way you are being treated to walk away. Right now you have no self-esteem. If you did, being with this man wouldn't even be an issue, because you would have left the first time he started behaving this way.

However, here you are. You are miserable. He is a jerk. He's not going to stop being a jerk, but you have the power to stop being miserable. It's as simple as that. If you stay, you will continue to be hurt and told you are of little importance in this man's life.

It's time for you to figure out why you would accept this treatment from him or anyone else. This isn't about HIM, this is about YOU.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> I think what bothers me most is the fact that he basically threatened me. He told me that i need to leave his mom alone and block her or she will ruin my reputation online because she has a friend who is a well known blogger.
> 
> How is that even close to ok? I told him that made me very fearful of him and her and he said well too bad.


It’s not even close to OK that you allow your fiancé to speak to you this way. 

Between everything you describe here and in your other thread - just leave him already. He has zero appeal.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

And maybe it was mentioned earlier, this is why he didn’t want you seeing his messages on his watch. He was bad mouthing you to his mommy.

As bad as cheating? Not quite, but just as damaging. He is supposed to have your back above all others. Including mommy.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

Yes and what?s fascinating is he seems to have no remorse. I know for a fact that my mother would never talk to him like this even though she doesn?t like him. She just doesn?t talk to him. 

If she DID ...I would tear her apart (even though i know he might deserve it). 

And then to follow it up with threatening me? 

You are all correct. I need to work on me ASAP. I feel so down. And so sad. And you are correct...it?s not going to get much better.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

A man's relationship with his mother can be an odd one, many men won't ever say anything negative to their Mom's. What did Freud say "every man wants to kill his father and sleep with his mother"? Not sure I buy that, but it can be a weird paradigm. Mother's will adjust their advice based on what they think her son wants to ease his mind. His mom is likely just parroting her son's complaints about you.

I reconciled with my wife after her affair many years ago, and while I was going through it my mother was my main support system. From what my wife put me through my mother naturally hated her. When we reconciled that hate didn't just dissipate, my mother carried it with her which upset my wife, she didn't feel comfortable at family gatherings, things like that. I did talk to my mom and said "for better or worse we're trying for the sake of our son, it can't be successful if you're working to sabotage it, I'm not asking you to be best friends with her, but treat her with kindness and forgive her, it's the only way this will work. If you need to, bite your tongue and leave it unsaid, or wait until we leave and gossip like everyone else does". She got the point and stopped.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> Update. I confronted him and i texted his mother And asked her to ?respectfully please not try to alienate her son from me and respect our relationship?. She responded back and said that my fiancé would expect nothing less from her. Then she said that the fact that my mom and i don?t get along shows a lot about how unloveable i am.
> 
> I started to cry. I asked him to text her and ask her to stop and respect our relationship. He said no. He was not getting invoked and i said that says a lot. He said yep. He instructed me to block her.
> 
> Again he would not text her or stand up for me. He said that he will not do my drama


Perfectly respectful to break off the engagement. Women should marry mature grown men, not momma's boy. If you were my daughter, sister best friend etc I would advise you to simply hand back the engagement ring and tell him you are no longer interested. That if he values his mothers meddling over his own future wife he needs to find someone who is ok with that, as you are certainly not. 

Her behavior is absolutely disrespectful, his is pathetic. Imagine her meddling if you have children with this boy. RUN GIRL RUN! Before you are married and pregnant. It only gets worse, not better.


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

We have been together for a long time...and the disrespect has gotten progressively worse. And a lot of it is because he has shared our relationship issues with her... and others. 

He complained to his mother in these texts that his bday party wasn't anything close to what he expected and said that most of his friends didn't come....either. She says "look at the common denominator...who don't they want to see..." The answer was ME... but that was mainly because (as i'm learning now) that he has TRASHED me to them. 

He told me today that his friends think we are toxic together... 

So that justifies trashing me to his mother etc? He is living this out.. He's mad that people are reacting with the same questions that most have when they hear 18 different stories.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> You are all correct. I need to work on me ASAP.


No, you need to kick this loser to the kerb first, and THEN work on you, and try to find out why you believe this is all you deserve.



marriageontherocks2 said:


> I reconciled with my wife after her affair many years ago, and while I was going through it my mother was my main support system. From what my wife put me through my mother naturally hated her. When we reconciled that hate didn't just dissipate, my mother carried it with her which upset my wife, she didn't feel comfortable at family gatherings, things like that. I did talk to my mom and said "for better or worse we're trying for the sake of our son, it can't be successful if you're working to sabotage it, I'm not asking you to be best friends with her, but treat her with kindness and forgive her, it's the only way this will work. If you need to, bite your tongue and leave it unsaid, or wait until we leave and gossip like everyone else does". She got the point and stopped.


Exactly why you should never involve your parents in your marriage problems.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> We have been together for a long time...and the disrespect has gotten progressively worse. And a lot of it is because he has shared our relationship issues with her... and others.
> 
> He complained to his mother in these texts that his bday party wasn't anything close to what he expected and said that most of his friends didn't come....either. She says "look at the common denominator...who don't they want to see..." The answer was ME... but that was mainly because (as i'm learning now) that he has TRASHED me to them.
> 
> ...


There is no justification in trashing you. His mother is toxic to your coming marriage and so are his friends. He should choose you always first, otherwise what is the point? 

A grown man does not complain about his birthday party to mommy. I am laughing while I type that out. 

Seriously, I understand that you are together a long time. But a boy who allows his mommy and his friends to disrespect his fiance after they have been together a long time has some serious growing up to do. And trashes his fiance? TRASHES? He is lucky you did not throw the engagement ring in his face. You and him need a serious talk on what your marriage will be like. What you have described so far is absolute grounds for breaking an engagement, Sounds like he is too chicken poop to not do it himself. Seriously. do you want to be married to that? Someone who does not put you first above himself and all others? Break it off and find someone grownup.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

sarast99 said:


> We have been together for a long time...and the disrespect has gotten progressively worse. And a lot of it is because *he* has shared our relationship issues with her... and others.
> 
> *He* complained to *his* mother in these texts that *his* bday party wasn't anything close to what *he* expected and said that most of *his* friends didn't come....either. She says "look at the common denominator...who don't they want to see..." The answer was ME... but that was mainly because (as i'm learning now) that *he *has TRASHED me to them.
> 
> ...


Here's what I want you to understand, if NOTHING else: We don't give a damn about HIM. You are focused on him. He's not posting here, you are. So let's quit discussing this loser, okay? You are giving yourself nothing other than a "P.S." when you need to make yourself the focus of the information you post. Meanwhile, he fills up your responses.. AGAIN, YOU ARE POSTING HERE, NOT HIM.

Please answer these questions thoroughly; don't just gloss over them:

Do you have family and friends outside of this relationship? 

What initially attracted you to this man?

In hindsight, was he exhibiting any of these tendencies before you got really serious?

How long have you two been engaged?

Why do you think you are staying with him when you now know he is bad-mouthing you to not only his mom but other people?

Do you feel as if you want to change him or make him see that your point of view is legitimate?

What do you think has happened to you in your life that would make you stay and accept this treatment?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

We had a blow out tonight. I demanded that he tell his mother that he stands by me. He said he would on his ?own time?. He would not do it i front of me. 

I said then I?m leaving. He said ok. Your choice. I was very upset. He said you don?t know the half of my mother. She will go for your blood if i let her. Don?t engage w her. 

I left. I went to church locally. I told him if he wanted me back he could come talk to me there. He did. Bit told me the car was packed and the dog was in The car and if i don?t come home he will go to his mkm?s House. He wants to be with people who love him. 

He looked up at the crucifix and said God was telling him to leave. And i said well the. Listen to God. And he left. 
Should i go back to our house? It is so so hard to leave. But is this even close to fair?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Who’s name is on the house/lease? He left? Good - get back in there - he has made the choice to leave the home.

Do you work full time? Any kids?

He’s 48 and running home to his mommy. How pathetic.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

sarast99 said:


> We had a blow out tonight. I demanded that he tell his mother that he stands by me. He said he would on his ?own time?. He would not do it i front of me.
> 
> I said then I?m leaving. He said ok. Your choice. I was very upset. He said you don?t know the half of my mother. She will go for your blood if i let her. Don?t engage w her.
> 
> ...


He is now threatening you through his mother? Is she going to ride off on a broomstick and terrorize you? Is she going to blackball you in your church? 

Go back to your home. Let things calm down. Don't respond to his childish behavior and the emotional blackmail. Maybe God will tell him to grow up. Don't count on it. 

This looks to me like he is setting you up because he is getting cold feet. Using mommy, pals and even a crucifix to justify his lack of character in telling you he wants out so he is painting you as a bad person. When he calms down call him out on it (in person). Tell him that if he is not certain about marrying you here is your ring and good bye. 

It's not fair him breaking up with you like this. He is acting like a spineless wimp. But girl, count your blessings you are not yet married to this spineless wimp.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

In this thread you call him your fiance. In your other thread it says he is 48 and you are married 2 years. So.. Which is it?


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

House is in his name. I went to my friend house tonight. I am heartbroken


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## sarast99 (Nov 16, 2017)

We call ourselves married. Cause he doesn?t seem to want to have a wedding. But we are technically engaged


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

sarast99 said:


> We call ourselves married. Cause he doesn?t seem to want to have a wedding. But we are technically engaged


This man mistreats you. He is mean to you. He lies to you. He talks bad about you to others.

Marriage is about having each other's backs all the time. Yes, there may be some arguments, but one partner should never purposefully try to hurt the other. If the person you give your heart to is damaging to your heart, it is wise to take it back. You have nothing tying you to this man, except your heart. Let him go. Take back your heart. Be free of his drama. Yes, he is stirring up drama, mistreating you, and blaming it on you. That is no way to live.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


What are you saying? That he will hurt you if you try to leave?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get this book.
http://unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

sarast99 said:


> I can?t remove myself. He would Go crazy and accuse me of cheating. He is very jealous And is constantly worried if i don?t respond immediately to calls or texts.


Give me a break.

Are you handcuffed to his basement floor?

Are you his child?

Is he your legal guardian so he can dictate WHAT you do and WHO you see and WHERE you go?

If the answer to all the above is "*NO*," then stop playing victim and acting like you have no choices when you do.

You're CHOOSING to stay with this ass-hole.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

sarast99 said:


> We call ourselves married. Cause he doesn?t seem to want to have a wedding. But we are technically engaged



This is an easy one. Not married? Get your own apartment and have no further contact with this man child. He'll go back to live with his mommy and they'll have a nice birthday party for the 2 of them. Seriously. GTFO. Stop with the drama.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You know, right, that this is nothing about him? It's all about you and how much mistreatment you think you deserve. You've had the power all along to say I'm done. He'll never respect you until YOU respect you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

sarast99 said:


> We call ourselves married. Cause he doesn?t seem to want to have a wedding. But we are technically engaged


HUH???? What does "technically" engaged mean? He doesn't want a wedding. He bad mouths you to anyone who will listen. He is threatening you through his witch of a mother. He was fine with you leaving; didn't make any arguments for you to stay.

You aren't even listening to the advice you are being given. I asked you specific questions, you did not answer, now you're back on the HIM-HIM-HIM mantra.

Frankly, I don't think you want help. You just want to play the victim. That's fine if you want to play that role. But it's becoming clear that you have major issues. To claim being heartbroken over a man who treats you like dirt and to keep your focus on him rather than yourself ... well, all I can say is I wish you the best. You need to stay away from this man and seek help. Seriously.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

turnera said:


> You know, right, that this is nothing about him? It's all about you and how much mistreatment you think you deserve. You've had the power all along to say I'm done. He'll never respect you until YOU respect you.


He won't respect you period. Nothing you do will make him respect you. The good news is that it doesn't matter if he respects you are not, because you don't have to be with such an obnoxious person. Staying with someone who mistreats you is not better than being alone.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Wow he is so emotionally abusive!! He will never change, he is a heartless jerk who isn’t capable of love. Leave him and find a man who actually likes you and respects you.

Please know this... things with him will never get better, only worse. You know you deserve better. I hope you find the strength to leave. Goodluck!


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Lady......get your head straight and get away from this guy. You two are headed for disaster.........


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## liltex82 (Nov 17, 2017)

sarast99 said:


> I just found text messages between my fiancé and his mother (who he rarely talks to and everyone thinks is a nut) ?. where she is encouraging him to leave me and says that his life is in a bad place and that I am the common denominator.
> 
> My fiancé responds back with ?i know??he says he is depressed. He misses himself?that he misses her and hanging out with her (she lives out of state).
> 
> ...


Drop him before he drops u

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