# What do I do about this???



## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I've been dating a divorced dad of 2 for almost 5 months. We started off quite hot and heavy... Very good chemistry. But with his kids and work it has been tough to see each other. Overall, I really like him... Even though I often feel like he is self involved. 

Anyway, I just found out I may be getting laid off due to budget etc. I have a very good career. This is devastating to me... And my career is one that I may need to relocate. I could stay in the same city, but better jobs will be elsewhere. 

My boyfriend hasn't seemed all that concerned about my level of fear over this. In fact, he didn't call me (only texted) the entire day after I found out. Well tonight I talked to him about "where we stand". he still hasn't introduced me to his kids. 

He said that he doesn't want to see anyone but me but that I shouldn't feel any pressure from him to stay in this city... On his behalf. He said he would be sad .. If I left. But he understands it's my career. 

That kinda hurt... So I said "but do you think we have a chance?". He said yes... We can talk for hours and we have amazing physical connection. That he really hopes it works out that I stay in this city but he understands if it doesn't. 

He never mentioned meeting his kids... Or anything about the future other than he'd like to "keep building on what we have."
He mentioned the physical connection several times though....

Considering this crossroads that I'm at... I'm fragile. Is he basically telling me a lot of NOTHING or is it my imagination? 

He seemed nervous talking about it... As was I... But I felt like I was fed a company line... You know? Am I reading too much into it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

The first thing that goes through my mind id...

Have you ever been to his house?
Do you even know where he lives?
What is the longest time you've spent together?
How often do you get to see him?

You know where this is headed..... Do you know he isn't still married?


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes... I've been to his house. He isn't with his ex any more... I saw on Facebook that she's in a relationship with someone else. 

So... It's not that. But I do feel like there's a wall... what should I think of what he said?

Maybe I should just tell him flat out that I need more support and feedback from a romantic partner and I'm done giving him a chance? I don't know...thoughts?




dormant said:


> The first thing that goes through my mind id...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I don't have an answer for this. He obviously isn't into your relationship as much as you are. You could try again to have a serious sit-down and get him talking. 

I have to think, if he is so reluctant to address the future of your relationship, pushing the issue too hard will not be good.

Let's say you do get a commitment from him and end up married....It won't last.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I would say he's probably not trying to sway your decision and taking things very slow. What were the circumstances of his divorce? Did his ex cheat? Leave him? If you took sex off the table would he stay?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

> I often feel like he is self involved.
> 
> In fact, he didn't call me (only texted) the entire day after I found out.
> 
> ...


Here are your red flags.

He enjoys your company and the sex but not enough to commit or fight for you. I wouldn't worry about him and do what you need to do to support yourself.

If you end up staying I'd give him another 4 months and if you still haven't met his kids or gotten more of a commitment I'd cut him loose. He's not the one for you.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I've considered taking sex off the table. Telling him that I need to be deeper involved to continue being physical. 

What Should he have said? I thought he could have at least expressed more interest in our future. "I really enjoy talking to you.. Spending time with you and being with you.." felt like a default company line. 

His ex left him... By the sounds of it... (15 years married) she got fed up with his lack of involvement. He was a workaholic... Now he has to take care of his kids 50 percent of the time... 

Also he stopped texting me the other night for 3 hrs. Turns out he told me he was in a texting argument with his ex over something with his daughter. 

Oh and I should also mention ... She filed for divorce 3 years ago and he is STILL fighting her on money. He's actually not officially divorced. Their next meeting is in February. 





Mavash. said:


> Here are your red flags.
> 
> He enjoys your company and the sex but not enough to commit or fight for you. I wouldn't worry about him and do what you need to do to support yourself.
> 
> If you end up staying I'd give him another 4 months and if you still haven't met his kids or gotten more of a commitment I'd cut him loose. He's not the one for you.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> His ex left him... she got fed up with his lack of involvement.
> 
> He's actually not officially divorced.


Two more HUGE red flags.

#1 he's an emotionally unavailable man

#2 he's not completely free from his ex 

He's not ready to be involved with someone seriously right now.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think it's ill-advised to use a work situation to promote a relationship beyond where it's going on its own steam.

You haven't been laid off yet, you haven't looked for any other jobs, and you haven't got any offers. 50 ways to Sunday and it's still Monday morning so to speak.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

He doesn't see the relationship as being as serious and committed as you do.

The fact that he's not actually divorced yet sends up a red flag, IMHO.

How long after you met did the relationship become physical? Too soon and guys won't respect you or consider you anything more than a roll in the hay.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I've been up a night upset about it and I have much bigger problems to worry about. He wants to spend the weekend together.. He doesn't have his kids and he really wants to have sex. (he said as much). 

So how do I end this? If I spend the weekend with him I will be THAT much closer and attached. I am scared to do that because it hurts too much even now. 

Should I call him and tell him I can't do this anymore? Ugh. 





Mavash. said:


> Two more HUGE red flags.
> 
> #
> 1 he's an emotionally unavailable man
> ...


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Actually I have opportunities for interviews in 2 other cities. I told him that I hadn't agreed to them yet. He suggested that I should go on them. 

The relationship became physical after about a month... 


Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think it's ill-advised to use a work situation to promote a relationship beyond where it's going on its own steam.
> 
> You haven't been laid off yet, you haven't looked for any other jobs, and you haven't got any offers. 50 ways to Sunday and it's still Monday morning so to speak.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> I've been up a night upset about it and I have much bigger problems to worry about. He wants to spend the weekend together.. He doesn't have his kids and he really wants to have sex. (he said as much).
> 
> So how do I end this? If I spend the weekend with him I will be THAT much closer and attached. I am scared to do that because it hurts too much even now.
> 
> Should I call him and tell him I can't do this anymore? Ugh.


Look only you can answer this. If you're okay with a friends with benefits kind of relationship then by all means continue. I agree with the poster that said he doesn't see the relationship as serious and as committed as you do.

If you're not okay with this then cut him loose. Break up with him the way millions of women have done it before. Just say you deserve more than this.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

If you need to relocate for better job opportunities then do so knowing that you need to look out for yourself since it doesn't seem that he's very invested in the relationship. 

Huge red flag that he is still fighting with his wife (they are still married) over money and children 3 years later. Sadly, in this situation you are the other woman and why would you want to be with a man with no honor? He doesn't sound like much of a prize. I would encourage you to move on and find a man worthy of you.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I am definitely not okay with a friends with benefits situation. I didn't think that's what I was in... But maybe I am. 

At this crossroads I just hoped that he would say he saw the future with ME... 




Mavash. said:


> Look only you can answer this. If you're okay with a friends with benefits kind of relationship then by all means continue. I agree with the poster that said he doesn't see the relationship as serious and as committed as you do.
> 
> If you're not okay with this then cut him loose. Break up with him the way millions of women have done it before. Just say you deserve more than this.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> At this crossroads I just hoped that he would say he saw the future with ME...


Hoping never gets you anywhere. Either he sees a future with you or he doesn't. He's already told you the truth about how he feels.



> he'd like to "keep building on what we have."
> He mentioned the physical connection several times though....


Translation.....its largely about the sex.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

My advice would be to do what is best for YOU and your career, which is very important to you. 

Deciding to stay in your present town because of a man who's not particularly invested in a relationship with you is NOT a good idea. He's told you as much. He'll feel pressured, you'll feel resentful when he's not giving you what you really want.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'm so sorry, but it sounds like he's just not that into you...right now.

He's not divorced so can't re-marry & frankly doesn't want to divorce any time soon or he would be divorced by now. The fighting over money with his wife for 3 yrs. is just an excuse. A strong, mature man looking for another life partner would finalize his divorce much sooner than he has.

I'm sure he likes you very much & enjoys your company. He also doesn't want any drama from you, that is why he is not supportive during your time of need from your job loss. He wants to keep things fun & simple.

I'm glad he's being honest about saying he is okay with you re-locating to another city for work instead of stringing you along for his own selfish needs.

Remember you can still have a relationship with him if you live in another city.

I'm sorry. I know you wanted more from him & maybe in time, he can give you more but not now.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

The question is do I give this any more time? It's just going to hurt me more because it doesn't seem that he is going to change any time soon. 

He didn't make any mention of trying a long distance thing


Emerald said:


> I'm so sorry, but it sounds like he's just not that into you...right now.
> 
> He's not divorced so can't re-marry & frankly doesn't want to divorce any time soon or he would be divorced by now. The fighting over money with his wife for 3 yrs. is just an excuse. A strong, mature man looking for another life partner would finalize his divorce much sooner than he has.
> 
> ...


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I should also point out that he constantly wants to have unprotected sex. He had a vasectomy... So he uses that as an excuse. I suppose that makes him that much more selfish and risky. 





tripleaxle2833 said:


> The question is do I give this any more time? It's just going to hurt me more because it doesn't seem that he is going to change any time soon.
> 
> He didn't make any mention of trying a long distance thing
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, I can't say I'd view his preference for unsheathed sex as selfish and risky, necessarily. I also wouldn't say he would have completed divorce by now if he wanted it. It's possible that his ex's demands are not realistic. It took my friend that long to get her ex to sign the papers and she literally had NO connection with him left. 

BUT... 

If he was really interested, he'd show it. Yes, he'd be concerned about you leaving. Yes, he'd be worried about your job situation. Yes, he'd be talking about future stuff and meeting his kids if he had any thoughts about having you in that future. 

I don't think taking sex off the table is a good idea. It's just a power play that's designed to manipulate. Remove yourself altogether and be open to finding someone who can ONLY see you in his future.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

To answer the previous question... I don't know how many women he's been with however I do know I got clamidia right after sleeping with him. So I got really upset. Never in my life have I had an std. I got medication and he said he didn't know.... Which is possible. 


Ending it with him is not going to be easy. It's going to be torture actually but I guess I have to focus on the fact that we want different things out of relationships now. My ex just got engaged and introduced our son to his new woman. I told him that and he said he didn't think that was wise... A year after divorce. 
He made it out like my ex was terribly irresponsible. 

I say good for him (my ex that is). As hard as it is to swallow...


KathyBatesel said:


> Well, I can't say I'd view his preference for unsheathed sex as selfish and risky, necessarily. I also wouldn't say he would have completed divorce by now if he wanted
> 
> 
> it. It's possible that his ex's demands are not realistic. It took my friend that long to get her ex to sign the papers and she literally had NO connection with him left.
> ...


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think you'll eventually feel like you dodged a bullet! He sounds like he'd get pretty critical in time.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> I do know I got clamidia right after sleeping with him. So I got really upset. Never in my life have I had an std. I got medication and he said he didn't know.... Which is possible.


Ouch. Did he even feel bad about giving you an STD?


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Pretty critical? What do you mean?

I always text him first thing in the morning. I'm trying not to... It's killing me. But it's time to cut the cord. 




KathyBatesel said:


> I think you'll eventually feel like you dodged a bullet! He sounds like he'd get pretty critical in time.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Mavash. said:


> Ouch. Did he even feel bad about giving you an STD?


Not enough to insist on condoms! He says he loses sensation...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Pretty critical? What do you mean?


Because of this....



> My ex just got engaged and introduced our son to his new woman. I told him that and he said he didn't think that was wise... A year after divorce. *He made it out like my ex was terribly irresponsible.*


It's a sign he's judgemental. He thinks his way of doing things is the only, right way to do them.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes. And now he's texting about how excited he is to spend the weekend with me... 

Ugh. It's tough. Part of me wants to see if things would change.. If we had another weekend together. But I suppose I'm kidding myself. 

Which means I need to break it off before I get in any deeper.. 

Here's the interesting thing too. He told me before I slept with him that he thought he was in love with me. Since we were physical.. He's never said it again. 





Mavash. said:


> Because of this....
> 
> 
> 
> It's a sign he's judgemental. He thinks his way of doing things is the only, right way to do them.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> He told me before I slept with him that he thought he was in love with me. Since we were physical.. He's never said it again.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Guys will say whatever they think will get you in bed with them. Looks like it worked for him. 

I agree with the other posters - this guy just isn't that into you, not as much as you are into him. Rip off the bandaid and get it over with. Going with him this weekend will not make it better or easier.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Here's the interesting thing too. He told me before I slept with him that he thought he was in love with me. Since we were physical.. He's never said it again.


I'm not surprised. He just wanted in your pants.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Actually I have opportunities for interviews in 2 other cities. I told him that I hadn't agreed to them yet. He suggested that I should go on them.
> 
> The relationship became physical after about a month...
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like I said, nothing has happened yet. You have interviews, but you're considering not going on them? I think you should. 
You've been with this guy for 5 months, and you've been with yourself your whole life. You don't know how much longer you'll be with this guy, and you do know you'll be with yourself the rest of your life. So to whom do you owe your loyalty and support when it comes to your work situation? Yourself!


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## damiana879 (Aug 26, 2011)

It sounds like he's still got a lot of hangups and doesn't want to deal with the emotional part right now.

If the sex is great, then that's why he's still hanging on. It's not that he doesn't think that eventually something may come of this, but he's still not ready, not available emotionally, and he's still connected to his ex by marriage, and you have to wonder what's been taking so long for them to get it over with. I was in a similar situation except I wasn't going to leave town for my career, but he was not divorced from his ex after 2 years of them living apart and the sex between us was great, but I had to cut it off because it wasn't going anywhere else for a LOOOONG time. I couldn't handle that.

Good luck.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

It is hard... I'm not good at breaking up... An I'm struggling today. He keeps texting about how excited he is about the weekend. I know he's working on a big project at work so I don't want to call him and tell him this news... 

But I worry that the more time I spend with him the apt I will be to string myself along. 







damiana879 said:


> It sounds like he's still got a lot of hangups and doesn't want to deal with the emotional part right now.
> 
> If the sex is great, then that's why he's still hanging on. It's not that he doesn't think that eventually something may come of this, but he's still not ready, not available emotionally, and he's still connected to his ex by marriage, and you have to wonder what's been taking so long for them to get it over with. I was in a similar situation except I wasn't going to leave town for my career, but he was not divorced from his ex after 2 years of them living apart and the sex between us was great, but I had to cut it off because it wasn't going anywhere else for a LOOOONG time. I couldn't handle that.
> 
> Good luck.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Here's the interesting thing too. He told me before I slept with him that he thought he was in love with me. Since we were physical.. He's never said it again.


I don't see this as interesting, this is so very typical... I would think anyone in his situation... a recently divorced disgrunted man fighting with his ex over $$ & kids... wouldn't be jumping for anything serious. Probably the last thing he wants. 

Sure the sex is a grand temptation....it feels damn good & you want to do it with eveything in you... but if a woman wants the *whole package* with a man...... it would have been best to wait a while ..and see really where his heart was at ......pretty much to save your own. Now you have bonded with this man... unfortunate as it is, and have to deal with the crushing after effects of withdrawl from him. 

He gave you an STD, he doesn't care if you move..he's not there emotionally , except a few texts....and all he wants to do & talk about is the physical.... the writing is very clear.... 

If you want MORE... something lasting, something true...this is NOT your man...not right now. He simply has a HIGH Libido, he is attracted to you, and is trying to skim by giving as much as he can - but not too much to keep YOU in his bed.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You could always have a good-bye weekend and have great sex, just tell him up front that's how it is, one last hurrah and it's over. I'm sure he won't mind, and you can have some fun while bringing closure.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Why on earth would you risk your career, your finances and your ability to support your son just to be somebody's booty call? 

You aren't a part of his day-to-day life, he only sees you when *he* has time to have sex with you, gives you STDs and doesn't see that as a big deal.....does any of this make you think that he'll be the one to pay your rent and buy your groceries when you're out of work? Do you honestly think that screwing him silly for a weekend will convince him to change what is working out brilliantly for him?

Face it, he has it all going for him right now. He gets laid when he feels like it and you're along for the ride--making all kinds of excuses to yourself when he doesn't text, doesn't call, doesn't invite you to be with his family and friends, doesn't really even act like a very good friend to you, much less a boyfriend. And since you're still hanging around and not making any boundaries, you're agreeing with him that this is an acceptable way to treat you. 

He's already having sex with you, why would more sex change anything? There are something like 50 million single men in this country (US)--what is so special about this one that it seems like a good idea to risk your and your son's future on the chance that someday he'll change?


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

I'm just not one to be able to detach .. Emotionally after sex. So I don't think a goodbye weekend will work for me. 

I'm going to make up something that my schedule changed with my son and back away.... And then tell him via phone later tonight. 

The problem is.. I think he's going to try and tell me what I need to hear. But.. Telling me "he'd be sad but would understand" if I needed to move... Isn't exactly fighting for long term. 
He never brought up long term... Meeting his kids. He just said he "hoped I would end up staying... But understood if I left town.". 

Again he did say we had a fighting chance because we can talk for hours and have a great physical connection. But that's not enough. 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You could always have a good-bye weekend and have great sex, just tell him up front that's how it is, one last hurrah and it's over. I'm sure he won't mind, and you can have some fun while bringing closure.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> My ex just got engaged and introduced our son to his new woman. I told him that and he said *he didn't think that was wise... A year after divorce.*
> He made it out like my ex was terribly irresponsible.


1. This right here proves YOU won't be meeting his kids for AT LEAST a couple of years...if EVER.

2. What if NEXT TIME it's HIV/AIDS?

3. Quit living in DREAMLAND. Doesn't matter how great it COULD be IF ONLY he was different. He ain't different. He ain't gonna BE different. He is what he is. START living in the REALITY of the HERE & NOW. It's entirely one-sided.

4. Call him at work RIGHT NOW. (Screw his project, he doesn't seem to care about YOUR career...just your booty-calls). Tell him, "IT IS OVER. We will NOT be getting together this weekend or any more. I am moving on and looking for a different kind of relationship." IF he asks why/what kind of relationship (doubt he WILL, but he might)...tell him one where you're not a booty-call (use *that* term). Bet you a DOLLAR he'll call you a b1tch! (You ruined his gettin-laid-for-the-weekend-plans!)

Try it. See HOW LITTLE you (sadly) mean to this man.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> The problem is.. I think he's going to try and tell me what I need to hear.


Oh you can count on this. I guarantee it. 

All you have to do is watch his ACTIONS not his words. These are not the actions of a man looking for a long term relationship with you.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

TBH I think there is a whole lot of over reaction going on here. I totally agree with your SO that meeting kids too soon is irresponsible and pretty much most of the professional advice I have gotten and read says the same thing. Generally it is advised that 12 months is a good time to wait until introducing kids to new partners.

The not being divorced due to fights over the money is not uncommon particularly if his ex has any sort of mental health problems.

As for the hoping you would stay in town but not rolling over and dying if you dont, well that is not a red flag IMO. He is a grown man with children, he is going through divorce. He is not in a position to pick up and move to follow you so he sees that wishing you all the best is all that he can do. Your relationship is too new for him to plead with you to stay.

Personally I would keep doing job interviews, do what is best for you and if this relationship is supposed to be then it will be.
So if you get an out of town job does that mean you will be leaving your son? 

The only red flag I see is this one


> Here's the interesting thing too. He told me before I slept with him that he thought he was in love with me. Since we were physical.. He's never said it again.


 and sorry to say this is a huge one and in itself would cause me to question his motives.
Love grows over time and for him to declare love so early on is not good. Then to not tell you he loves you after stating a sexual relationship is a bad sign.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes, well I thought if I was ever going to hear he loves me again .., it would have been when I asked him where we stand. He didn't. Just said we had a great connection ... And can talk for hours. 
He told me he wanted me to meet his kids before we had sex. Then after... Told me via text that he had reconsidered. He "jumped the gun". 

He didn't even say I care deeply for you. But he has said that in the past. He did seem extremely nervous.... Even after a couple of glasses of wine. 

Taking a hard look at the situation... I do feel like I'm primarily a booty call. And I even have to help pay sometimes.. Because he's so strapped with the divorce. 







Holland said:


> TBH I think there is a whole lot of over reaction going on here. I totally agree with your SO that meeting kids too soon is irresponsible and pretty much most of the professional advice I have gotten and read says the same thing. Generally it is advised that 12 months is a good time to wait until introducing kids to new partners.
> 
> The not being divorced due to fights over the money is not uncommon particularly if his ex has any sort of mental health problems.
> 
> ...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Yes, well I thought if I was ever going to hear he loves me again .., it would have been when I asked him where we stand. He didn't. Just said we had a great connection ... And can talk for hours.
> He told me he wanted me to meet his kids before we had sex. Then after... Told me via text that he had reconsidered. He "jumped the gun".
> 
> He didn't even say I care deeply for you. But he has said that in the past. He did seem extremely nervous.... Even after a couple of glasses of wine.
> ...


Exactly!! I agree with Hollands thought process overall but I don't think it applies in your case as you've just pointed out. There are holes in his story.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Exactly!! I agree with Hollands thought process overall but I don't think it applies in your case as you've just pointed out. There are holes in his story.


After reading the subsequent post I have to agree. There are holes in his story and it is sounding more like booty call territory.

OP there is a world full of great men, don't settle on an average one.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Holland said:


> The not being divorced due to fights over the money is not uncommon particularly if his ex has any sort of mental health problems.


If I remember correctly, the money fights have been over the "side business" he has that the ex was apparently unaware of while they were still together.....


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Well HERE is an interesting twist. I told him that we could go to dinner tonight but that my son was staying at my house tonight. (ie no sex). 

He responded... Well if you need to be with him tonight that's fine we can be together tomorrow and tomorrow overnight. 

I said oh he's just sleeping at my house.. With his dad until bedtime. I can go to dinner. (to really talk to him). 

He responds.. I just feel bad, I'm pretty broke. I don't have much money until my bonus in march. 

So he wants me to pay again!??!



Mavash. said:


> Exactly!! I agree with Hollands thought process overall but I don't think it applies in your case as you've just pointed out. There are holes in his story.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If a man wants to be with you he will find a way.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Well I'm guessing he is telling me he's broke so he doesn't have to go to dinner.. Since it won't end with sex. 
So should I pay? He did pay for my 20 dollar drinks last night. But this will be the third dinner I will have paid for (with bottle of wine) 
In a month. 


Mavash. said:


> If a man wants to be with you he will find a way.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

So now--facing imminent unemployment--you're the sugar momma AND a booty call?


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Yeah, he then had offered to have me come to his house (40 miles away) for an hour... Before going back home. You can imagine WHY he'd rather that than meet me half way and go to dinner. 




COGypsy said:


> So now--facing imminent unemployment--you're the sugar momma AND a booty call?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Yeah, he then had offered to have me come to his house (40 miles away) for an hour... Before going back home. You can imagine WHY he'd rather that than meet me half way and go to dinner.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm guessing that even if he did meet you half way and let you buy him dinner and drinks that he'd do his damndest to convince you that he deserved a blowie in the back seat for his trouble.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

He actually drove half way last night to meet me... And did pay for my drinks. But we hadn't seem each other for almost a week because he was either working or had his kids. He didn't want anything that a lot of kissing. I assume that's what he is thinking will happen tonight and he's getting horny I suppose. 

I know he has the ability to use his credit cards to just buy me a darn dinner. Frustrating. 



COGypsy said:


> I'm guessing that even if he did meet you half way and let you buy him dinner and drinks that he'd do his damndest to convince you that he deserved a blowie in the back seat for his trouble.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Your being played. Go get a new job so you can take care of yourself. He's not ready to commit and clearly in it for the sex. I can't believe you just accepted the STD. I think you need to work on your self esteem because he's able to push your buttons at will.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

He does push my buttons and sometimes I dont even realize it until it is too late. 

I'm angry now thinking about it... How he said he thought he loved me and wanted to intro me to his kids UNTIL I slept with him. Then I never heard it again. 

I am considering just texting him and ending it that way. It may be cowardly but I think it's the best way for me to stay strong. 

Is that bad? I'm just mad now that he never said anything of real value last night.... When I asked him where we stand. 




Enginerd said:


> Your being played. Go get a new job so you can take care of yourself. He's not ready to commit and clearly in it for the sex. I can't believe you just accepted the STD. I think you need to work on your self esteem because he's able to push your buttons at will.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> I am considering just texting him and ending it that way. It may be cowardly but I think it's the best way for me to stay strong


.Do WHATEVER *YOU* need to do to get out of this. If that means a 'text', then so be it.

I had a manipulative bf when I was quite young. Allowed my best friend to convince me (stupid me) that it was *rude* to break up with him over the phone. Needless to say, he roped me back in for another 6-10 mos. of his bullsh1t.

Never mind what ANYONE SAYS. Do it YOUR way. You're the one who has to deal with the fallout.

Go get him, sister!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you start to feel weak, remember: *HE WASN'T EVEN CONTRITE ABOUT THE STD!*


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I thought I'd better jump in here, since I apparently did not read the same signs from your post that others have.

So let's say I'm divorced after a 15 year marriage. I'm going to take things slowly enough to ensure that I don't get swept up in a relationship too early or too easily.

Now my SO gets laid off and lets me know that her best opportunities lie in another city. What should I do? Should I pout, cry, and beg her to put her career on the back burner for a relationship with a still unknown future? Or do I understand that she'll resent the ever-living-hell out of me if she decides to stay, we break up, and she's stuck?

And if she does decide to leave town, of what benefit is it to me to get all tangled up in love with someone who might be leaving next month? And how do I know how much she likes me until she has to make a choice between me and her career?

I would have probably done EXACTLY what he did, even if I thought we might have a future together. 

In the end, it doesn't matter what I or any of the other amateur psychologists on TAM think. Ask the man, in no unclear terms, and find out the REAL answer.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> He does push my buttons and sometimes I dont even realize it until it is too late.
> 
> I'm angry now thinking about it... How he said he thought he loved me and wanted to intro me to his kids UNTIL I slept with him. Then I never heard it again.
> 
> ...


I'm personally of the opinion that when your relationship is conducted primarily via text, then it's perfectly acceptable to break up that way too. 

I'd probably just quit responding and let him figure it out, frankly. Are you hoping for some big declaration of his deep, deep, deep feelings for you once you "end it"? You're not likely to get it. I'm guessing if you blow off his texts or calls for a few days, he'll get the message. Then you don't even have to worry about "staying strong".


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

sigh. you know where you stand you just dont want to accept it and keep asking hoping for another answer. 

good luck with the job.


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Cletus... Do you think some of the other issues are suspicious though? 

He stopped talking about love or meeting his kids after sex? 

Also... The fact that he's having me pay for things . Because he's 3 years into a bad divorce?



Cletus said:


> I thought I'd better jump in here, since I apparently did not read the same signs from your post that others have.
> 
> So let's say I'm divorced after a 15 year marriage. I'm going to take things slowly enough to ensure that I don't get swept up in a relationship too early or too easily.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

tripleaxle2833 said:


> Cletus... Do you think some of the other issues are suspicious though?
> 
> He stopped talking about love or meeting his kids after sex?
> 
> ...


They are definitely questions that require good answers. Asking you to pay for dinner after learning of your layoff is insensitive at best, but then you did ask and it might be an honest answer. 

I'm not looking to create false hope for you, but I've have a belly full of people jumping to conclusions on short evidence in these threads based on huge assumptions (notice some of the responses well before the money and STD were mentioned).

There is only one person who can answer your questions, and it isn't any of us. Ask him outright if he's trying to protect his feelings or yours. Decide if you believe the answer.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My vote is trust your gut. We're just a bunch of strangers on a forum.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It is true you can just straight up ask your guy these questions like Cletus has suggested...but there is no way he will be honest if the answer is really "yes I duped you into having sex with me by pretending I might be falling in love with you".


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

Well he just told me that since I couldn't have more time it would prob be best of I get home to my son and ditch dinner tonight. He said we will have Ton of fun tomorrow night...

And then texted of course "I wanted to see you though". 

Hmmmmm. 



Faithful Wife said:


> It is true you can just straight up ask your guy these questions like Cletus has suggested...but there is no way he will be honest if the answer is really "yes I duped you into having sex with me by pretending I might be falling in love with you".


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripleaxle2833 (Aug 10, 2009)

So I had to a heart to heart with him. I told him i didn't feel as if he saw me as long term. He told me that I am wrong. That he has a busy life with his work and kids but that any free time is with me and he hasnt felt "this way" in a very long time. He said he didn't understand why I felt the way I did. I told him that he never talks about a future with me and I feel like just a small corner of his life. He said that as "we build on what we have" we will be able to spend more and more time together. 

He asked me why I hadn't mentioned this to him before and that he wants me to talk to him about these things. 

So .... Should I believe him? 



tripleaxle2833 said:


> Well he just told me that since I couldn't have more time it would prob be best of I get home to my son and ditch dinner tonight. He said we will have Ton of fun tomorrow night...
> 
> And then texted of course "I wanted to see you though".
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

What would advise your sister or dearest friend? Re-read what you have written. 

My take, he is thinking he wants to get laid this weekend and you the surest thing at the moment. Just be sure to tell him he must wear a condom.


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