# email from ex got me thinking about life



## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

A few days ago I received an email from an ex. It wasn't much, he was just checking in, or possibly trying to see if I would jump at the chance to rekindle things. I am not really sure why he did it, but that isn't the point. It got me thinking about my current situation. I am dating a man who can not have sex due to a medical condition. While I truly love him and everything he brings to my life, I miss sex!! I thought I was okay and happy until that stupid email, the ex and I had a purely physical relationship with no real long term goal and it was great and exactly what I needed right after my divorce. Anyway, now all I can think about is how much I miss sex. My current boyfriend is a great guy and I do love him, however he won't do anything sexual with me because it frustrates him...ugh!


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## finding-a-path (May 1, 2014)

i am sorry to be blunt. But does the medical condition stop him from having oral sex and using fingers too..? How old are you two? How long have you been together? Are you thinking about marriage with him..?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Is this a permanent condition that stops him having sex with you? I agree there are many ways of managing around this but permanent no sex is a BIG commitment.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If this current BF is not willing to be intimate with you, pushing you away.....this is not going to get easier.. NO WAY..EVER.. unless you are an A-sexual person...temptation will follow you..as well as longing for over that fence...

Love will not be enough to sustain this relationship, you will grow lonely, very very frustrated, longing for intimacy & to be fulfilled.... however this old BF didn't seem to offer more than "just the physical"... not that this is much better... he is not your answer here.. whatever you do, don't go behind your BF's back.. as hard as it may be.. no one wants to be betrayed like this.. 

Sounds very unfortunate about your current Man.. what has caused his ED.. and is it a permanent thing ? 

As another said... there are ways to sustain these relationships if you and he are willing to compromise and you love each other ENOUGH to be committed to what you have... his not shutting you out but wanting to please you in the ways he can, it's THAT important though..

This book for example, written by sex therapists.....

Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse: Marty Klein,: Books



> In this book, two of America's leading sex and gender experts show readers how to make sex more enjoyable by breaking away from the repetitive mechanics of intercourse. The book describes a path toward more a varied, playful, and intimate sexuality, debunking myths such as "impotence," "frigidity," and "foreplay;" indeed, the book shatters the myth that intercourse equals sex itself.
> "Let Me Count The Ways":
> 
> * defines "outercourse", shows why it is a valuable addition to peoples' sexual vocabulary, and explains how readers can maximize their comfort and pleasure with it.
> ...


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

My current boyfriend has a host of medical conditions including diabetes. The ED apparently has always been an issue, but only in the last 4-5 years has he been completely unable to have sex. We have been dating for 2 years and he was pretty intimate with me in the beginning, but he would get frustrated when the medicine wasn't working to help him. I tried EVERYTHING to help the situation and have never put him down or shown anger about it. The problem is that he feels inadaquate when he can't do it, so he has just stopped. 

Thank you so much for the book recommendation, I will absolutely check that out. He snuggles with me and holds me which I love. We are both in our mid 40s. I need to do some serious thinking about what I want out of life...this man will love me forever...but is that enough?


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

Ok, I have decided to get my life in order. I talked to my boyfriend and told him that I need him to step up the intimacy, I am not going to settle for roommates. He needs to be intimate with me, and that doesn't mean sex since he can't. 
I am making a positive change in my life!!! I am going to take care of me, back to the gym, eating better, doing things I enjoy. I love this man, but he needs to put some effort into the relationship.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lifelesson01 said:


> Ok, I have decided to get my life in order. I talked to my boyfriend and told him that I need him to step up the intimacy, I am not going to settle for roommates. He needs to be intimate with me, and that doesn't mean sex since he can't.
> I am making a positive change in my life!!! I am going to take care of me, back to the gym, eating better, doing things I enjoy. I love this man, but he needs to put some effort into the relationship.


great, why waste anymore time with a man who you have to convince to be intimate with you.

I know he has Ed but he should be trying to take care of you the best he can and without you having to convince him to do it.

JMHO


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Don't feel guilty in wanting intimacy from your partner. It's nice that your boyfriend is a great guy outside the sex, but life's too short to settle for one or the other. Part of being a great partner is great sex (or at least intimacy). Make sure he recognizes that you need this and then if he still doesn't take measures then you know where you stand with him.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

My 2 cents: 
A good guy will treat you nicely, love you forever, etc.
A GREAT guy will listen to your discussion, and do his utmost to take care of your needs to every ounce of his ability. AND turn the discussion back to ensure he is succeeding.

Communication is the key. Now you will know one way or the other whether to continue to invest, or to ultimately cut bait. 

But, I have to admit: I do wonder if "no sex" can really ever be good enough? Only you know the answer to that, independent of his efforts (assuming he makes them going forward). You owe him that equal honesty once you fully ponder the question.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lifelesson01 said:


> Ok, I have decided to get my life in order. I talked to my boyfriend and told him that I need him to step up the intimacy, I am not going to settle for roommates. He needs to be intimate with me, and that doesn't mean sex since he can't.
> I am making a positive change in my life!!! I am going to take care of me, back to the gym, eating better, doing things I enjoy. I love this man, but he needs to put some effort into the relationship.


I'm glad you took this road. You owe it to your BF the opportunity to make it right. Ok, BF is not into sex because it frustrates him as he has difficulty. It is embarrassing for him certainly. You understand that and work with it(kudos to you!) However, he should 'take care of you business'. Often my W will take care of me and I her when one or the other is not in the mood. 

I hope you BF responds to your desire.


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

bad santa,

I think you are absolutely correct


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## droll (Nov 11, 2014)

Has his medical condition is permanent? Living in a relationship without sexual interactions is very frustrating. To have a great and strong relationship you need to have a good and normal sex life.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lifelesson01 said:


> A few days ago I received an email from an ex. It wasn't much, he was just checking in, or possibly trying to see if I would jump at the chance to rekindle things. I am not really sure why he did it, but that isn't the point. It got me thinking about my current situation. I am dating a man who can not have sex due to a medical condition. While I truly love him and everything he brings to my life, I miss sex!! I thought I was okay and happy until that stupid email, the ex and I had a purely physical relationship with no real long term goal and it was great and exactly what I needed right after my divorce. Anyway, now all I can think about is how much I miss sex. My current boyfriend is a great guy and I do love him, however he won't do anything sexual with me because it frustrates him...ugh!


You don't seem much for balance lifelesson01. Your guy who's not into sex at all to your previous partner who was noting but sex.


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