# What drugs could he be taking?



## Cooper

My 20 year old son has been struggling the last few years and I am trying to figure out for sure what his issues are. I have taken him to drug counseling, family counseling, life coaching and basic counseling (to see if he was depressed or something), also to the family doctor for drug testing put I wasn't privy to the results. All the counselors have told me after just a few sessions he doesn't need to be there. YET....he continues to struggle, recently I found him to be stealing money out of my room, he emptied any bottles of old meds that were in the cabinet, failed out of college and is failing a summer class he is currently taking. 

He does work but just around 15/20 hours a week, and when I check his bank account after he gets paid the money is gone instantly, he has to be buying drugs.

I have caught him with pot but nothing else and I am not sure what other kind of drugs he could be taking. He is never angry and never argues, if anything he is very apathetic. He is home early almost every night, I have confronted him about his eyes being red but have never found him to be stumbling or slurring his speech like he has been drinking, and never smell booze on him. I have read a lot about crack and he doesn't seem to show signs of crack use. The pot use doesn't explain how fast he goes thru money or the stealing, pots just not that expensive. If he was doing coke I think he would be staying out all night instead of coming home at 9 or 10. If he was taking opiates daily I think by now I would have caught him in a stupor.

I'm sure there are many drugs available I don't know about, anyone recognize any of these signs and symptoms? I have to figure out how to help him before it's to late. Of coarse he denies there's any problems, denies taking any pills out of the cabinet, but did admit to taking the money but then told me he didn't take as much as I claimed. 

Any ideas?


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## 827Aug

Since he is going through your medicine cabinet, it's a strong possibility he likes prescription drugs. Either he could be doctor hopping or buying the pills on the street. Maybe it's time to figure out where he is going and who he is seeing.

You may also want to buy a drug test kit from the drug store. There are test kits where a sample of hair is collected and sent off to a lab for analysis. No consent required with those!


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## Acoa

Cooper said:


> Of coarse he denies there's any problems, denies taking any pills out of the cabinet, but did admit to taking the money but then told me he didn't take as much as I claimed. Any ideas?


Did he say what he took the money for? How much was it?

And pot can cost quite a bit depending on how you buy it. If he is worried about being caught, he may not be carrying any and buys it in daily use quantities. The apathy would be consistent with weed.

I smoked a lot of weed back in the 80's and I was burning through $50 per week. I imagine it's more expensive now. If he is working 15 hours, what's he clearing? A little over $100 per week maybe? It wouldn't take much to spend that. A little on weed and the rest on some munchies.

If it's prescription stuff, that could be a little harder to figure out unless you catch him red handed with the stuff. There are so many different types. Which pills did he steal?


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## Cooper

Thanks for the replies,

I have given him home drug test but in the last year he always passes, the drug conselor told me that's pretty common because the kids can take things to block the test. I have also contacted the parents of the kids he hangs out with and honestly they were pretty ho-hum about the boys saying it's just typical stuff. They may be right but the way my son has changed in the last couple of years is very concerning. 

The pills that disappeared were sleeping pills and some pain pills, the scripts were several years old and I'm not sure when they were taken, and honestly can't prove it was him. He denies taking the pills but did admit to taking the money, he said the money was for gas and food. The money was from a large bank in my room, he took all the quarters and dimes and any bills that were there, I'm guessing at least 200$. 

I have talked with him about going to some sort of meeting, like narcotics anonymous, he doesn't want to go but if I can get him there maybe talking to others who have been thru the drug cycle will open his eyes.


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## 2ntnuf

I know of people who take Vicodin on a regular basis. Has he ever had an injury where he needed pain meds? Pot will cause the apathy you see. Good luck.


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## CallaLily

Where is his father? Is there any type of positive male role model in his life? If not, that could be part of the problem too. He is 20 a grown adult, I know you do not want to see him struggle with drugs or hang out with the wrong people, but sometimes you gotta let people make their own choices and if means they fall on their face, then thats part of the consequence. It would be good if you could convince him to go to NA, but if he feels he has no problem then thats not likely to happen. Ultimatums are sometimes a good consequence if he isn't willing to listen or is stealing money etc. But only if you follow through with what you say.


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## PBear

At some point, you may have to trust your gut. And stop enabling his behavior and choices. He's stealing from you, failing out of school, and working less than half-time. Drugs or no drugs, he may need a kick in the pants to get on-track. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper

Well I am the father, his mom has been sort of out of the picture for the last 5 years when she left us for another man, she took the horses and the dog and left the kids with me. I know my son took it extremely hard and that is why I think I have been a little soft on him, but even so my expectations for both my kids are high and they know it. I never ever give him cash, if he needs gas money he has to work for it and then I give him my credit card to go fill up his tank, and I always want a receipt. I just put a lock on my bedroom door so no more raiding my change jar, and there are no more meds in the house. 

It's a tough call with him, he's an easy kid to live with, cleans up after himself, takes care of his room and his car, home early, mows if I ask, cleans if I ask. It's just his general apathy toward school and life that worries me, he was never like that, always in advanced classes and played sports, now he's just treading water. I hate to just throw him out because I'm afraid things would just get worse.


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## CallaLily

My guess is he has abandonament issues since his mother up and left. I would suggest therapy for him. Sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Has he talked to her or seen her at all since she left?


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## Cooper

His mom does see him occasionally, maybe once a month, but she has never been good about being consistent, I won't go into all that now.

I have taken him to therapy, and even went to therapy with him, but he is one of those kids that can lock himself down emotionally and just doesn't respond very well to therapy. I am afraid the ability to shut his emotions down is also one of the things that attracts him to drugs, and trust me on this, he and I have had many many heart to heart talks. We have never had a confrontational relationship so the talking part is easy, it's the following thru part that doesn't seem to happen, and I just see him continuing the same cycle.


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## HeartbrokenW

Synthetic weed doesn't show up in drug tests, and its alot more common than you think. Cost is anywhere from $25 - $45 per packet, and you in some states, you can buy it in gas stations. I've done alot of research on this as my ex was a pot smoker before turning to Synthetic weed. Symptoms are nausea, vomiting, hallucinations and possibly seizures. My ex's life went down the toilet after having a seizure in a restaurant. He was a truck driver and was always able to find supply. Its commonly called Spice or K2. I found all this out after I filed for divorce. Married for 13 yrs and never had a clue.


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## EleGirl

I unfortunately have more experience with this than I would ever want.

Many drugs leave the system pretty quickly so they are not picked up in the drug tests. And the drug tests tend to be very limited in what they detect.

The hair test is the most accurate. You might want to tell him that if he’s going to live in your home he has to give you a hair sample. Actually I’d do 2-3 tests and send them to different labs. This way you have a check and counter check. If he will not give you the hair sample then he’s admitting that he’s taking drugs other than pot. So tell him he has to fess up to stay at your home.

If he’s taking drugs and you cannot find the drugs, look for paraphernalia and tell-tail signs. Have you searched his room, his bathroom, his car, etc.? I mean completely searched. Looked in every drawer, through pockets, under furniture where things can be taped, etc. 

If he is buying prescription drugs there will be some kind of container. A small plastic bag, a vile, razors, mirror, etc. If you find something like that have it tested to find out what was in it. There will most likely be residue.

Many people who abuse prescription pills these days do not just swallow them. They crush them up (or chop them up with razor blades) and snort them. Or they heat them up and snort the smoke. He smokes pot so he has lighters. Look for mirrors or other hard surfaces with residue on it; tubes.. like the long tube part of pen; tin foil. Look for things like altoid cans.

I even found drugs in bags of M&Ms and other small candy.

A couple of years ago my step-son and his wife stayed with me for a couple of weeks. I felt that there was something very wrong. So I searched the room they were staying in. I went through the trash. What I found was what looked like used tissue, lots of it. So I un-wadded the tissue and found tin foil pieces that had what looked like a black residue cooked onto them. After that I searched their bathroom and found the same thing in the trash there. They were cooking heroine and pills then hiding it in the tissue wads. They even told me that they had bad colds to excuse all the wadded up tissue. What they would do is to make like a shallow cup out of tin foil, put the heroin or crushed up pills in it and then heat it with a lighter from below. Then they snorted the smoke. {I kicked them both out the day I found this stuff.}


If you really think he is doing illegal drugs then just back off and let him get to think that you have given up on this line of thought. Let him get comfortable. Then search his room.


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## trey69

Cooper said:


> His mom does see him occasionally, maybe once a month, but she has never been good about being consistent, I won't go into all that now.
> 
> I have taken him to therapy, and even went to therapy with him, but he is one of those kids that can lock himself down emotionally and just doesn't respond very well to therapy. I am afraid the ability to shut his emotions down is also one of the things that attracts him to drugs, and trust me on this, he and I have had many many heart to heart talks. We have never had a confrontational relationship so the talking part is easy, it's the following thru part that doesn't seem to happen, and I just see him continuing the same cycle.


If you feel you have done all you can, heart to hearts, taking him to therapy etc etc and all he does is shut down, then maybe what you need to do now, is back away and let him fall on his face.

You can't help someone who doesn't want help. And people need consequences for their actions and behavior. It wont be easy, but sometimes its what need to be done. In the mean time you might want to seek out some therapy for yourself if you haven't already. Maybe a professional can help guide you on what you need to do for you.


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## PBear

Cooper said:


> His mom does see him occasionally, maybe once a month, but she has never been good about being consistent, I won't go into all that now.
> 
> I have taken him to therapy, and even went to therapy with him, but he is one of those kids that can lock himself down emotionally and just doesn't respond very well to therapy. I am afraid the ability to shut his emotions down is also one of the things that attracts him to drugs, and trust me on this, he and I have had many many heart to heart talks. We have never had a confrontational relationship so the talking part is easy, it's the following thru part that doesn't seem to happen, and I just see him continuing the same cycle.


So you've taken him to therapy, had heart to heart talks with him, etc... But what consequences to his actions has there been? The only person who can change him is himself. And if you keep enabling his behaviour, he has no reason to change. So of course the cycle keeps continuing. It's like (from the other sub-forums) a guy cheating on his wife, and she keeps taking him back. He's got no reason to stop his behaviour because there's no consequences to it. 

When you've gone to therapy with him, how have the discussions gone? And have you stuck with a therapist for any extended period of time? Or just stop and go?

Basically, I imagine that you're setting your son up for a lifetime of not meeting his potential. Hopefully I'm wrong.

C


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## oregonmom

Hi Cooper,

I don't have experience with a child addict, but do have lots with my husband. 

My husband is a prescription pill addict, and the behavior you have described sounds a lot like his. They are not easily detected in drug tests. When my H was in outpatient rehab he passed a drug test (by the rehab) even though he was actively using. The tester needs to specifically test and look for them. OxyContin, Percocet and Vicodin are the big ones. They cost a lot on the street, and as others have said you can doctor shop or go to Urgent Care and they hand out prescriptions like they're candy. A lot of them are cash only places.

Like Ele said, the kids seem to be snorting or smoking them, but it is nearly impossible to catch someone just swallowing them. It takes half a second, doesn't smell, no residue, easy to hide.

My h was abandoned by his father but at a much younger age. He has told me how much resentment he has for his father. It's very possible your son feels the same way about his mother. Drugs make you not have to feel that.

Have you considered going to Alanon? I think you may get a lot out of it. It has really helped me learn more about addiction, understand my own actions and feelings and how to detatch with love.

I know it sounds mean to give him harsh consequences when you know he is acting out because he is hurting. But life is not all unicorns and rainbows, and we all need to learn heathy coping mechanisms. The longer unhealthy ones are used, the harder it is to let those go and get good ones. This is a lesson he will need to learn sometime and better sooner than later.

You can do all this in a very loving manner. Your son probably won't take it as loving, but you don't need to be drawn into that drama. You don't have to tell him you won't help him any more, just that you can only help if he is sober. You must stick to it, if you give in even once he will believe you will always bail him out.

I know you want to find out what it is and the "proof". But does that really matter? I knew my H was using, but he would deny, I'd grasp to the hope he was telling the truth and put all my energy into finding the proof. When I found proof, I would be devastated and there would be a confrontation where he would blame me or make me feel bad for him, swear no more, then it would start all over again. The point I'm trying to make is your gut knows what is going on and your son knows what is going on. The best place to be putting your energy is into changing the cycle, not the crazy making stuff.

Best of luck to you.


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## Corpuswife

I am a mother to a son and daughter (young adults). My son is hooked on the incense (K2, Spice)...which the drugs tests don't detect. Your son could be using that or it could be a RX drugs which tend to go out of your system fast. 

In my opinion, I would say go with your gut! Truly, you have tried what you can. I would search his room when he's gone. Usually, they aren't that good at hiding stuff especially when they are using. 

I would be extremely tough on him. I no longer enable my children. It's a tough road but is what's best for you and them. The sooner they come to their conclusions the better.

There is nothing that you can do to stop his drug use. Love him but do not give him a soft place to fall.


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## MrsAmbivalence

Sounds like weed to me, but in the end it doesn't really matter what it is. He may be a garbagehead--kid who will use whatever he can get his hands on and be aware that kids are extremely creative in ways to get high. They buy cough syrup, triple C (coricidin) ecstasy, molly and at that age they aren't usually partial to one particular drug. The drug is merely a symptom, it isn't the problem so what it is does not matter. If you truly believe that substances are the cause of his problems, you must take decisive action or you will be essentially giving him permission to continue down this road. My daughter was smoking so much pot at 20, living in my basement and couldn't hold down a job. I told her treatment or hit the bricks. She chose treatment and from there she went to a sober living house. She didn't stay clean, but she did stay independent. She is on her own and doing well now and only time will tell if she truly had or has a real problem with drugs. It was the hardest and kindest thing I ever did for her and I would do it again in a minute.


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## Cooper

This is the OP, I thought I would post a follow up here about the situation with my son.

He is a garbage head as someone mentioned, as I have looked around the house I have found he also emptied our hall closet off all cold and cough meds, so I guess he just looks for anything to get a buzz from.

Anyway....since he decided to "take a break" from college I laid down rules and expectations, and a time frame. Things like full time job by end of Aug., passing drug test by end of Sept. and taking over his own car insurance at the end of the year. He never argues about anything, he just says OK. 

Turns out he thinks my request are unreasonable for a 20 year old, and sadly his mom (my ex) agrees with him and encouraged and helped him move out yesterday. Currently he is staying with my 22 year old daughter who has her own apartment but she has already told me she doesn't want him living there but "mom" kind of pressured her into it. 

My son did stop here at the house last night, we had a nice discussion, he said he just wants to live his own life right now. I told him I loved him and wished him luck, what else is left to say. 

Very hard for me to see my little buddy end up a drug head, as a parent you just can't help but feel like a failure. People keep saying "oh, things will click for him one day", but what if things never do, what if his entire life will be a struggle?


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## Ms. GP

Oh man. I can't imagine the pain you must be in right now, but you have done the most loving thing you can do by not enabling his behavior. Active addiction is misery. Trust me I speak from experience. I hope and pray one day he will become sick and tired of being sick and tired and seek the help he so desperately needs. Addiction is a progressive disease for which there is no cure but it can be arrested if he is willing. The only thing you can do for him now is pray. Alanon and naranon are wonderful programs designed to help loved ones of addiction. Unfortunately, he will probably have to suffer more consequences of his addiction before he is ready to seek help. I' m so sorry for your struggle, but I promise his situation is not hopeless. You are not a failure. You just are fighting a terrible disease.


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## Tony55

Cooper said:


> My son did stop here at the house last night, we had a nice discussion, he said he just wants to live his own life right now. I told him I loved him and wished him luck, what else is left to say.


And live his own life he should.

The only failing I see here as a parent is coddling a grown man as if he's a kid, hell, he even had to finally say he wants to live his own life. Cut the cord and send him on his way, do him and yourself a favor and start treating him like a man.

Maybe he can go find himself in the US Army, it'll give him some structure and prepare him to ease into real life without mom and dad.

T


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## bunny23

Word on the street is that heroin is back in vogue UGH

I have taken pretty much every kind of drug you can imagine (legally).

I know people who will sell drugs- possibly he is not taking them but selling since you mentioned he stole your money. You mentioned sleeping pills? I assume Ambien? Those have a weird effect when taken and stay awake, almost like a high/valium calm mix.

Would also consider things like Xanax and Valium, in low amounts when someone has no tolerance they can act out of it or tired.
He may also be trading for muscle relaxers or benzos.

Being a long time medication user for legit reasons it amazes me how many people will take stuff casually or pay people with Vicodin etc. It's weird.

I'm not a big pot smoker but last time a friend got some (it was decent quality) it cost $80, so not that cheap.


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## bunny23

BTW I interviewed at a place that sold drug tests and was shocked to find that even in the ER or doctors office common drugs are not tested for.

I went through a phase of recreational use (occasionally pot and some LSD/Ecstasy once or twice) but I never got into it. But I do have friends who took it to another level and to this day smoke pot daily in their 30's (and I mean before, during and after work)

All you can do is set boundaries and offer to help, there is a reason someone turns to drugs. Like I said I have been on everything and I was never tempted to take one extra pill, I even asked to be taken off Oxycontin because I didn't like the constant upping of dosage.

You would be surprised at the types of websites out there and how many people do some crazy things, things that chemically/physically cannot be done because they will cause a serious injury right away.

All you can do is be there for him when he is ready.


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## WallaceBea

It sounds like weed is is drug of choice. MAYBE prescription pills, but those can be much harder to get, depending on where you live. 

Why don't you sit down and smoke a joint with him and try and get on his level?


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