# My husband told me im Attractive but not Sexy



## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

I have been married for 8 month now, been with him 2 1/2 yrs. A few nights ago we got into and argument because of him and porn. After being unable to answer why he needed porn so much, and i wish he'd give me that type of attention he finished the argument with that i am attractive but not sexy. Now he is trying everything he can to convince me that it is my fault for not letting him sleep. And that it is not how he meant it. Even though he told me to look up the definition of both. I did, and he did not like that. So I kind of feel like yeah my husband finds me attractive, just not sexually attractive. 
I am hurt, actually beyond hurt. He said i am over reacting. I know i don't take the time to dress up, wear make up everyday etc. But i do work 60 hrs a week, and am a college student. 
Also, i never been the woman to dress up, wear make up everyday, do my hair etc. 
Today i told him i don't know if ill get my nails done, so his answer was yeah get them done so you look half way decent. I literally told him to f*** off. Sorry but i am beyond hurt. He then tries to tell me that is not how he meant it. Well, he still cant explain how he meant it. 
I am 32, 110 pounds, 5'4. I get compliments left and right, just not from the one that matters. Please anyone tell me, how am i not supposed to be hurt and is it possible to forgive such statements?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Aside from what he said (bonehead) how is your sex life? You've been with him 2.5 years. The relationship has to mean something to both of you because you got married. Why isn't that enough for you?

If he has a porn problem and is replacing that with the real thing, then that's a different animal. He shouldn't trade one for the other.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

If he honestly doesn't find you sexually attractive, then why is he with you in the first place because sex a big part of a relationship.

Are you sure he isn't just teasing you? (in a very terrible way) Do you tell him that what he says hurts you and explain to him how you don't really have time to dress up all the time and wear make up and get manicures (or that it just isn't the way you are)? If he wants you to dress up, you should make an effort every now and again. He could be just trying to get you to try harder and keep him interested? Or does he expect you to act like a porn star?
Try talking to him about this. If I were you, I would be very offended. I am 5'4 and weigh around 110 pounds or less and my fiancee calls me fat (jokingly) it really hurt me so I spoke to him about it and he rarely says it anymore.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I seriously doubt he is watching porn so he can see women dressed up, hair nicely done, full make-up, mani and pedi.

If he wanted a wife who acts like a ****, he should have married one. The next time he wants in your knickers, tell him you find him attractive but not sexy and watch his little head deflate.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

He probably wants a lady on the street, and a freak beneath the sheets. Meaning he puts you on a pedestal, and either you won't or he is scared to get freaky with you. Kind of Madonna thing. I really don't think he meant to dis you.


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

@ A Bit Much, my sexlife is honestly boring. He does not want to try things. He is fine with plain sex, so he says. And yes, there is a lot of meaning in my marriage for me, but to hear from my husband im attractive but not sexy just plain out hurts like hell. He tells me the porn is because he is bored. 

@ Mystic Teenager, i did try talking about it to him. But honestly it seems to me that he does not get how exhausted i am. When i ask him what is sexy for you, he has no answer. Yesterday we attended a birthday party with family and friends. So i went all out there, dressed up, make up hair done and all the good stuff, all he had to say was I look nice. But even then i have to fish for it. 

@ Blondilocks, i also don't think he is watching porn because of the dress up etc. But when i tell him why not watch it with his wife he does not feel like porn all of the sudden. What bugs me is the fact that he tries to hide it. When i found some on his phone he tells me it's there because he "planted it there so i could find it because it makes me so mad".
I also told him that if he wanted a woman whom spends that much time on looks he should have gotten one. He did not quite like that answer. And when i tell him to get his hands of me because he wants some he asks me what he did wrong.


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

Thound, 

I am a freak in the sheets,:smthumbup: he is not. He is the birds and bees sex type of person.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If my hb said that to me our sex life and then our marriage would be over, but that's me. Anyway, one of the issues with porn is that the more people watch it the more porn they need to get off, and their idea of what is sexy changes. The irony is that it's all fake, the people in porn get paid and don't give a rat's behind about their partner, they just fake what they're told. I have a close friend of many years that runs a porn site and it's set up to work like cigarettes; the more addicted they can get you the more money they make. I know people think they watch porn for free, but it's not free; they drop viruses, spyware, ads, etc on your computer. Nobidy's ultimate goal is to give away porn for free.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Thound,
> 
> I am a freak in the sheets,:smthumbup: he is not. He is the birds and bees sex type of person.


Perhaps you should get rid of him. I doubt it would be hard for you to find someone that wants you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Huntersmom80 said:


> @ A Bit Much, my sexlife is honestly boring. He does not want to try things. He is fine with plain sex, so he says. And yes, there is a lot of meaning in my marriage for me, but to hear from my husband im attractive but not sexy just plain out hurts like hell. He tells me the porn is because he is bored.
> 
> @ Mystic Teenager, i did try talking about it to him. But honestly it seems to me that he does not get how exhausted i am. When i ask him what is sexy for you, he has no answer. Yesterday we attended a birthday party with family and friends. So i went all out there, dressed up, make up hair done and all the good stuff, all he had to say was I look nice. But even then i have to fish for it.
> 
> ...


Are you sure he's only looking at women?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

To be honest, it seems to me that he does not really know himself what he wants. I mean why marry a woman if you don't find her sexy. 
Even when a stranger gives me a compliment, my husband is not affected by it. Maybe he is too sure of this marriage, i am not anymore. Sex is not too important for me, but knowing that i am sexy to the man i am supposed to be with until one of us passes is a important part for me. I could care less if another man finds me sexy if my own husband does not.


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Are you sure he's only looking at women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah im sure he is only looking at woman, i seen the porn he watches. But im no where near comparable to these woman. I even offered him to re-enact the porn, but all i hear is this is no race. 
After 2 1/2 years i just now got him to use a blindfold.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Deleted because I posted before reading your most recent posts


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You work 60 hours a week, go to school, and STILL find time to be a freak???? Bonehead doesn't even begin to describe him.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

So, he'd rather watch porn than have freaky sex with you. And he lies about and hides his porn watching. And he doesn't think you're sexy. And, even though he says he thinks you're attractive, you need to get your nails done to look half-way decent. And you work full time and go to college.

What does he bring to your relationship that made you want to marry him in the first place? If this is who he is, can you really see yourself by his side the rest of your life?

Bottom line, this guy is going to suck all your self-esteem out of you sooner or later. 

Please make sure you're using very good birth control, because the last thing you need is to have children with him because I don't see how this marriage can last, much less thrive. I'm sorry.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Thound,
> 
> I am a freak in the sheets,:smthumbup: he is not. He is the birds and bees sex type of person.


He maybe suffering from nice guy syndrome. Where he feels ashamed about sex, but will watch porn in seceret.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Usually the attractive but not sexy thing is code for "I'm boffing somebody else", but maybe in his case the porn thing has gone too far. It's a ****** thing to say regardless......5-4, 110#'s and a freak in the sheets sounds like a nice package to me


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Considering how he speaks to you, have you considered that he's having an EA or PA?
His comments are very disparaging & to say he had porn on his phone in order to annoy you speaks volumes of his lack of respect for you.
I'm not saying his porn usage is a lack of respect, I mean him deliberately doing something to hurt you.
A loving spouse, who respects you & the marriage, isn't going to do those types of things.
How long has be been this way?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Thound,
> 
> I am a freak in the sheets,:smthumbup: he is not. He is the birds and bees sex type of person.


Further to Thounds point...I think maybe he's portraying that image and wants more but has no idea how to get that in his own marriage.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He's doing what cheaters do when caught, blameshifting. Poophead 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sexy has little or _nothing_ to do with how you look (and from your description, you are probably very attractive).

Sexy is about attitude and how you carry yourself and project your personality. You can dress up or down or like a hooker, and not be sexy. You can dress in sweats and be sexy if your attitude conveys it.

So, if you generally look and act conservative and unaware of your sexuality, you won't be seen as sexy.

Your husband may be completely correct, but unable to express it well, and you aren't helping by being easily offended by what may be the truth.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Sexy has little or _nothing_ to do with how you look (and from your description, you are probably very attractive).
> 
> Sexy is about attitude and how you carry yourself and project your personality. You can dress up or down or like a hooker, and not be sexy. You can dress in sweats and be sexy if your attitude conveys it.
> 
> ...



Well that's YOUR definition of sexy. Everybody has their own, and he knew what he was getting. If he wanted someone that fit your definition of sexy he shouldn't have married the op. What if she finds someone with money sexy and marries him knowing he didn't make a lot, then tells him he's attractive but not sexy because he doesn't make a lot of money? Would you sympathize or tell her she knew what she was getting?
Personally op after thinking about this i wonder if your hb didn't have performance insecurities. Porn does allow people to take and not give, and nobody ever judges them in bed. Maybe he's intimidated by you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Huntersmom80 said:


> @ A Bit Much, my sexlife is honestly boring. He does not want to try things. He is fine with plain sex, so he says. And yes, there is a lot of meaning in my marriage for me, but to hear from my husband im attractive but not sexy just plain out hurts like hell. He tells me the porn is because he is bored.


Have you told him that your sex life is boring because he refuses to spice it up? I think it's time you tell him this. Not out of revenge but to let him know that he has a huge contribution to any issues that lead to him watching porn.



Huntersmom80 said:


> @ Mystic Teenager, i did try talking about it to him. But honestly it seems to me that he does not get how exhausted i am.


I have a feeling that this is a big part of the issue with him. If you are exhausted, how much fun do you think are to be around? How much energy do you have to give to your relationship? You work 60 hours a week and are a college student. It’s almost impossible to maintain a good marriage and a strong connection to your spouse with this load. These kinds of hours will seriously hurt any marriage.

Your name here is “Huntersmom80”. Are you a mom? If so how many children do you have?

Does he have a job? How many hours a week is he working?



Huntersmom80 said:


> When i ask him what is sexy for you, he has no answer. Yesterday we attended a birthday party with family and friends. So i went all out there, dressed up, make up hair done and all the good stuff, all he had to say was I look nice. But even then i have to fish for it.


Perhaps you can get some really sexy and revealing clothing. Dress up that way even around the house and definitely when you go out. Call his bluff. He'll probably tell you to change if you step out of the house. Sometimes calling someone's bluff is a better way to handle things then trying to explain and defend yourself.





Huntersmom80 said:


> @ Blondilocks, i also don't think he is watching porn because of the dress up etc. But when i tell him why not watch it with his wife he does not feel like porn all of the sudden. What bugs me is the fact that he tries to hide it. When i found some on his phone he tells me it's there because he "planted it there so i could find it because it makes me so mad".


Yea right, he planted it. He’s doing something with the porn that he does not want you to see. Could he be doing live chats or even have a sexting relationship going on with someone? Could he be on a cheating/dating site?


Huntersmom80 said:


> I also told him that if he wanted a woman whom spends that much time on looks he should have gotten one. He did not quite like that answer. And when i tell him to get his hands of me because he wants some he asks me what he did wrong.


This is going downhill pretty quickly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Huntersmom80 said:


> To be honest, it seems to me that he does not really know himself what he wants. I mean why marry a woman if you don't find her sexy.
> Even when a stranger gives me a compliment, my husband is not affected by it. Maybe he is too sure of this marriage, i am not anymore. *Sex is not too important for me*, but knowing that i am sexy to the man i am supposed to be with until one of us passes is a important part for me. I could care less if another man finds me sexy if my own husband does not.


I find this an interesting statement. 

Can you explain how/why sex is not important to you?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well that's YOUR definition of sexy. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course it's MY definition, because I'm offering MY opinion. It doesn't matter if you don't agree.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Of course it's MY definition, because I'm offering MY opinion. It doesn't matter if you don't agree.



Your opinion isn't particularly helpful precisely because you've told her that she isn't sexy because she doesn't suit your view of sexy and she's just too sensitive. The only opinions that matter are hers and her husbands, doesn't matter what you think. I only suggested that he knew what he was getting, that's all. My hb and I are both endurance athletes, and while I don't make myself up to your standards my hb finds me very sexy, as evidenced by our sex life and how often he tells me. Maybe I think sexy is very low body fat, so if you don't have very low body fat in my world you're not sexy. That doesn't matter though because the only opinions that do are yours and your spouses. Besides, she got all dolled up for the party and got nothing from him, and when asked what he wants he doesn't answer, so to suggest it's really her fault and she's too sensitive is unhelpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Thound said:


> He maybe suffering from nice guy syndrome. Where he feels ashamed about sex, but will watch porn in seceret.


Is that nice guy syndrome? More like madonna/wh*re - porn stars are supposed to be hot, but wifey is not.

There is nothing nice about a man who tells his bride of 8 months that she isn't sexy and lies that he's planting porn sites on his phone because he knows she gets mad about it when she finds it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Your opinion isn't particularly helpful precisely because you've told her that she isn't sexy because she doesn't suit your view of sexy and she's just too sensitive. The only opinions that matter are hers and her husbands, doesn't matter what you think. I only suggested that he knew what he was getting, that's all. My hb and I are both endurance athletes, and while I don't make myself up to your standards my hb finds me very sexy, as evidenced by our sex life and how often he tells me. Maybe I think sexy is very low body fat, so if you don't have very low body fat in my world you're not sexy. That doesn't matter though because the only opinions that do are yours and your spouses. Besides, she got all dolled up for the party and got nothing from him, and when asked what he wants he doesn't answer, so to suggest it's really her fault and she's too sensitive is unhelpful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe he didn't know what he was getting. Assumption on your part? Your definition of sexy may not apply to OP either. I also did not suggest it was her "fault", only that she may not currently meet her husband's definition - that's for her to decide and if it's something she can or wants to do anything about. If my ideas don't fit her situation, she can ignore me. She may well be sensitive about it - why post otherwise? Too sensitive? Not at all. Her feelings are valid, but if she's unwilling to examined why she feels that way, it doesn't help much.

I was offering A view of what many people consider sexy. All kinds of people, with all kinds of body types can be sexy - and it seems to me that it's not always or even usually about appearance from what I've seen and heard.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

The porn as got to go. If he is spending his time watching porn, how is he going to pay attention to you?

Even if he felt this way, he made a huge mistake by telling you. I'm all about honesty but the better approach would be to introduce new ideas into your sex life ... find some positive ways to spice things up. Instead, he just places blame on you and turns it into your problem. What are you supposed to do with that?

I have a hard time relating to this. I only wish my wife had those measurements. My wife is double her married weight and is well over 300lbs. I don't find that attractive let alone sexy. I did eventually talk about this with her after years of agonizing on what to do and trying everything in the book before I finally came clean. It was a difficult conversation. I can imagine that in a long term marriage, even if the spouse is stunningly sexy and attractive, if you don't have love, the flaws will become apparent and the beautiful will seem ordinary. That doesn't have to happen. You've been married for 8 freaking months!! 

If this is how he handles other aspects of your marriage, I'd be concerned over the long term viability. He needs a wake up call.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I was offering A view of what many people consider sexy. All kinds of people, with all kinds of body types can be sexy - and it seems to me that it's not always or even usually about appearance from what I've seen and heard.


True. Seems to me, it is frequently about attitude among other things. My wife is obese and I don't find that attractive but sometimes it is the vibe that makes the difference. I've met women who are obese who for whatever reason, are sexy even if I find the weight unattractive. They are "sexy and they know it" and maybe that's a large part of the reason they are sexy. Who finds what sexy is very subjective though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Sexy has little or _nothing_ to do with how you look (and from your description, you are probably very attractive).
> 
> Sexy is about attitude and how you carry yourself and project your personality. You can dress up or down or like a hooker, and not be sexy. You can dress in sweats and be sexy if your attitude conveys it.
> 
> ...





lifeistooshort said:


> Your opinion isn't particularly helpful precisely because you've told her that she isn't sexy because she doesn't suit your view of sexy and she's just too sensitive.


I am not sure why you are going after this poster. His opinion is as valid as your opinion. 

While on the surface her husband sounds pretty mean spirited, he might have a point. We don’t know because we are not there. We do not know the two of them and what is going on in their life. Maybe she’s changed a lot since they married. Maybe she used to dress and act sexier. We don’t know. By her own words we know that she is exhausted these days and hardly has any time for anything except work and school. That right there, the exhaustion and limited couple’s time alone could change how he views her dramatically.

I think that Married but Happy (MbH) is suggesting that she might want to contemplate what her husband told her and make sure she has not changed since they dated. It happens all the time. MbH did not tell here that she’s not sexy. He did not say that Huntersmom does not fit his (MbH’s) definition of sexy. How could he, he has not seen her and does not know her. He’s only suggesting that she take consider her husband’s words before going off the cliff with them.


lifeistooshort said:


> The only opinions that matter are hers and her husbands, doesn't matter what you think.


WRONG. She came here asking for input. Thus she asked for others on this forum to give her their opinion. MbH’s opinion is as valid as yours is. Further, MbH is a man. He just might have a better idea of how a man might be thinking than women do.



lifeistooshort said:


> I only suggested that he knew what he was getting, that's all.


Do you feel that MbH was attacking one of your posts? :scratchhead:



lifeistooshort said:


> My hb and I are both endurance athletes, and while I don't make myself up to your standards my hb finds me very sexy, as evidenced by our sex life and how often he tells me.


MbH did not mention makeup. So, he actually said that woman can be sexy in sweats. Why are you threatened by his post?

Perhaps the reason your husband finds you sexy is not just the way you look. Perhaps your husband finds you sexy because of how you carry yourself and project your personality. Surely it’s a lot more than your looks that he finds sexy.


lifeistooshort said:


> Maybe I think sexy is very low body fat, so if you don't have very low body fat in my world you're not sexy. That doesn't matter though because the only opinions that do are yours and your spouses.


Again she asked for feedback. MhB’s post is legitimate feedback from a man’s perspective.


lifeistooshort said:


> Besides, she got all dolled up for the party and got nothing from him, and when asked what he wants he doesn't answer, so to suggest it's really her fault and she's too sensitive is unhelpful.


We are not there. We do not have his side of the story. Did you see what she looked like when she was all dolled up? We don’t know. Either her husband is a real ass hat or he has legitimate concerns that he cannot figure out how to tell her. I think that she can use as much input from different perspectives as she can get. Then she will have to shift through it to figure out what is valid for her situation.

Trying to shut down valid input from other posters is not helpful to her.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Gotta say, at least he is honest.. Other then that i got nothing


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> Considering how he speaks to you, have you considered that he's having an EA or PA?
> His comments are very disparaging & to say he had porn on his phone in order to annoy you speaks volumes of his lack of respect for you.
> I'm not saying his porn usage is a lack of respect, I mean him deliberately doing something to hurt you.
> A loving spouse, who respects you & the marriage, isn't going to do those types of things.
> How long has be been this way?


Since he has gotten out of the military he has gotten worse with his porn. What annoys me the most with him and porn is that he always tries to find excuses, i.e his coworker put it there and stuff, that is until i told him that he needs to grow up and stop putting everything he does on others. But to be honest, i think one of his main issues is that he can't accept that i WONT accept him talking to me and treating me like he treated his ex wife.


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

Decided to give this issue a different approach. I asked him for his explanation of sexy, and he can't explain it, so lets play show with pictures. 
Just because he said it, does not mean ill give up on him. I gave him a "Homework assignment" if you may call it. 
By the end of the week he has to give me some hair styles, and outfits from head to toe, that he considers sexy. I can then decide what happens with these outfits etc. 

Also, today is my day off, so i went and bought a skimpy outfit, shoes etc. I am going all the way, hair, make up, nails etc. Even a nice meal is going to be included. 
I have yet to decide if i let him touch and not just look.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Decided to give this issue a different approach. I asked him for his explanation of sexy, and he can't explain it, so lets play show with pictures.
> Just because he said it, does not mean ill give up on him. I gave him a "Homework assignment" if you may call it.
> By the end of the week he has to give me some hair styles, and outfits from head to toe, that he considers sexy. I can then decide what happens with these outfits etc.
> 
> ...


If you let him look, but not touch, then you will be failing the sexy test.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My wife is beautiful, but she isn't sexy.

To me, sexy is:

- flirty
- teasing
- oozing sex appeal

I would love for my wife to text me something like, "I can hardy wait to get you to bed tonight". Instead I get, "I want to watch the news and put away a couple of things first coming to bed." If I text her something sexy, then she never responds and usually gives me grief the next day. Yesterday I texted her a picture of me holding a piece of paper that had a heart on it and said 'Love You'. When I got home she told me it was strange.

I would love for my wife to grab my butt or grope me in the kitchen. But instead I get no affection and if I touch her in a playful way, I am taking my life in my hands.

But when we are in bed and I initiate and she gets into it, she can be very sexy. Her idea of initiating (which she rarely does) is to reach out and hold my hand. Or roll over and push her butt out towards me. Both Nice but not sexy.

I don't complain though. That is how she has always been. But I would never tell her she isn't sexy.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Your husband said something really stupid which men sometimes do. 

I suggest you explain how much that hurt you and allow him to apologize and then forgive him. 

If he won't apologize for hurting you he deserves whatever you throw at him whether it be no intimacy or a divorce.

But really.... your husband wouldn't have married you or tried to bed you if he didn't think you were attractive/sexy.

Those two things are pretty close to being the same thing anyways...

He is saying you ARE attractive but a deadbeat in bed who prefers porn might need a divorce as a tuneup anyways.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

norajane said:


> So, he'd rather watch porn than have freaky sex with you. And he lies about and hides his porn watching. And he doesn't think you're sexy. And, even though he says he thinks you're attractive, you need to get your nails done to look half-way decent. And you work full time and go to college.
> 
> What does he bring to your relationship that made you want to marry him in the first place? If this is who he is, can you really see yourself by his side the rest of your life?
> 
> ...


Actually, his snarky attitude is probably the best birth control I can think of.

I think attractive = sexy. But then, I'm just a man. Not entirely sure what you husband is, though.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

OP let us know what he picked out for 'sexy' outfits!


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Since he has gotten out of the military he has gotten worse with his porn. What annoys me the most with him and porn is that he always tries to find excuses, i.e his coworker put it there and stuff, that is until i told him that he needs to grow up and stop putting everything he does on others. But to be honest, *i think one of his main issues is that he can't accept that i WONT accept him talking to me and treating me like he treated his ex wife.*


Good for you & I applaud you for standing up for yourself.
That's how I feel in my own relationship, I will NOT put up with bad treatment & have no problem letting my H know if he crosses the line.

I wonder if your H finds it difficult to explain to you what he finds sexy because he's embarrassed by it & is afraid you may laugh or give him the ol' "WTH?"
In addition to trying out different hairstyles, clothing & make-up, you can approach him in a manner that puts him at ease.
Be playful, ask him & let him know that no matter what, you will not laugh or make fun of him.
It's at least worth a try.


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Today i told him i don't know if ill get my nails done, so his answer was yeah get them done so you look half way decent.


This is not something I could forgive.


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## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

Ugh. This whole thread makes me sad. Why marry someone if you think she is not sexy? Sexual chemistry is SO important.

And why on earth should any woman be forced to reshape herself into something that some snarky dude wants? I guarantee that it won't be enough.

Sexy is an attitude as much as it is a look. What about when she is aging? 

Sexy is as much about a couple as the individual. 

It is naive to think that the right hair and makeup will fix this. Sad, sad, sad. The right CHEMISTRY will fix this. And if two people don't have it, there isn't a shade of nail polish in the world that will make a damn bit of difference.

I'm not saying we can't do things to make ourselves look more appealing to our mates...but he knew who she was when he married her. She's a no-frills girl. Nothing wrong with that at all. I rarely wear makeup either and I would definitely be described by my husband (and most men) as "sexy." Makeup isn't what makes a woman sexy. Period.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

bewilderness said:


> Ugh. This whole thread makes me sad. Why marry someone if you think she is not sexy? Sexual chemistry is SO important.
> 
> And why on earth should any woman be forced to reshape herself into something that some snarky dude wants? I guarantee that it won't be enough.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Was thinking the same thing. I've been married 22 years and I have 3 kids. I've gained and lost weight. I've had every look from harsh career woman to frumpy mom and everything in between. I've gone through phases of wearing makeup and phases when I put my hair up and didn't care. I've never been one to do my nails. 

My husband has thought I was sexy at each and every phase. Does he like it when I put forth an effort? Yes but he isn't mean when I don't.

If this husband is like this at 8 months in I shudder to think where he will be when the tough years hit.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Since he has gotten out of the military he has gotten worse with his porn. What annoys me the most with him and porn is that he always tries to find excuses, i.e his coworker put it there and stuff, that is until i told him that he needs to grow up and stop putting everything he does on others. *But to be honest, i think one of his main issues is that he can't accept that i WONT accept him talking to me and treating me like he treated his ex wife*.


Please expand on this.


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## Huntersmom80 (Aug 13, 2013)

So, update on my project of him giving me pictures of his idea of sexy, i have yet to wait. 
But poor man has to wait too. I am currently doing the I show you sexy approach. I dress up a bit ****ty right before he gets home, or wear nothing but heels. Husband gets to look, but at the moment no touch. Maybe he just has to be reminded that I do know how to be sexy, but just don't have that much time. Let's see how long he can withstand. I told him, if he wants some, he better put some work into it.  
I do find it a bit amusing how he feels as though the dishes, laundry, cleaning etc is what i meant. I will tell him not just yet though lol. :smthumbup:

Other than that, we talked, we talked for hours, and it seems as though he understands how bad he hurt my feelings. 

To a few questions on here, yes i am a mom, my son is 10, he has a 4 yr old daughter. no more kids for me, i wish i could, so birth-control is already taken care of. However, he is a wonderful father.

Towards the question about going into further detail about him and his ex wife, they were married for 7 years, 5 of them because she got pregnant. However, they were together since high school, and i guess she did not have that much self esteem, or wasn't that head strong, but they used to talk down on each other, yell, etc. I am not having that at all, and in the beginning of our relationship i did have to straighten some things out with him. i.e how he tried to talk to me like he was used to with his ex wife, the things he said to her. For the most part he changed that, and talks to me with respect, but there are still some instances where i have to remind him. Let's just say i am too strong of a person to let anyone talk to me with less than respect.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

My impression is that this marriage would benefit from some work.

I suggest you both read the Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs.

Good luck.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have you made sure that your son can not access his porn? Same for his daughter. Some role model he is.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Huntersmom80 said:


> Decided to give this issue a different approach. I asked him for his explanation of sexy, and he can't explain it, so lets play show with pictures.
> Just because he said it, does not mean ill give up on him. I gave him a "Homework assignment" if you may call it.
> By the end of the week he has to give me some hair styles, and outfits from head to toe, that he considers sexy. I can then decide what happens with these outfits etc.
> 
> ...


 Just for the hell of it, you should put on those skimpy clothes, do your hair, make up and nails, then kiss him good bye and say that your going out with your friends for a drink, then jump in the car and go for a ride for a couple hours and come back. Bet you double or nothing, he'll notice how your dressed before you get the front door closed. Might wake his ass up. If not, then my friend you married a drone.


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