# What to do next? Stumped.



## 4alarmfiredawg (Jun 28, 2011)

Okay. This is a genuine problem for me. 

I have other marriage (relationship) questions, but right now the pressing problem is: I don't know what to do when I am giving OS to my wife.

I mean, it obviously takes more than 2-3 minutes to get her there (that is also questionable, because I can only remember maybe 2 times that I'm sure she got hers), but after that 2-3 minutes of kissing and licking and etc, I'm stumped. She seems to like what I'm doing but if I'm stumped after 3 minutes doing the same stuff over and over, she's gonna lose interest too, right?

I heard somewhere that if I trace the alphabet with my tongue down there, that by 'M', 'N' or 'O' she should be getting there. That just sounds ridiculous.

Sorry to be stupid but I need a road map. And being new here I don't want to insult or enrage the sensibilities of the community. 

Please help me here. We just got things back where she's responding well after 3-4 barren years of occasional to rare blah missionary position sex. We got married late after dating 2 years, I was 28, she was 23. Before we had kids, we were on fire and could play for 2-3 hours without stop, (but oral was never really the focus for more than 5 minutes that I can remember) and things just flowed naturally for me without thought.

We're both in our 40's and in good physical shape, although I think she's a lot hotter to look at than I am. 

She still looks like a 25 year old, 5' 1", around 100 lbs consistently, 36 DD, 24 waist, 34 hips, with a flat belly (a little skin stretch there from having kids) and skin still tight enough that if you thump her she hums. 

I look like what I am, a forty-ish firemedic. 5' 11" 185 lbs 36" waist. In fair shape, showing some years, but not dumpy. For me, the attraction is still there boo-coo and I think she still kinda likes me, because lately she's been a lot more responsive to my attentions.

I don't want that to end. I'm not gonna talk this over with the guys at the firehouse and I sure as HE** am not gonna read Cosmo or Glamour for info.

I gotta step up my game and keep her wanting what's next. I gotta know what that is.

Help me please.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

4alarmfiredawg said:


> She seems to like what I'm doing but if I'm stumped after 3 minutes doing the same stuff over and over, she's gonna lose interest too, right?


OK - dude here - but if she seems to like what you're doing, then you're probably doing just fine.

I think my wife would probably snap my neck with her legs if I started spelling words!!!

You can vary the speed a bit - but I usually start off slow then gradually go faster.

You can play around a bit more in the beginning - longer strokes and such - but as she gets closer - my wife wants me right on top of her sweet spot.

Also, my wife has recently discovered her g-spot. If I'm feeling real adventurous, I'll try to manually stimulate her internally while continuing to do oral.

But just to re-iterate - if she's not complaining - and she's having orgasms - you're probably just fine.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

If she's enjoying what you're seeing as repetition, by all means...REPEAT!!

You can vary speed and intensity. You can (literally) blow on her clitoris. You can (VERY gently) nibble. Add fingers occasionally. And the alphabet thing? Worth a shot, because, as with cunnilingus in general, it's not about a race to "get her there" as quickly as possible...it's about giving her pleasure. Tracing the alphabet with your tongue is just a tool to help you with varying the specific movements your tongue makes.

Basically, pay attention to what she responds favorably to, do that, put your own spin on it, and do it til she can't take anymore and asks you to stop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Every woman is different in what they like. You can ask her for some ideas on what feels good to her.

You can also try and educate yourself. Check out the following books, pick one that sounds interesting, read it, and start trying things out.

http://www.amazon.com/Oral-Sex-Books-Pleasuring-Woman/lm/RLDKW03K5RMDR


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## 4alarmfiredawg (Jun 28, 2011)

Sorry I haven't been back to respond. Finished my shift at the firehouse and just got up. 

Thanks for everybody's replies. 

Yes, I agree that it's not a race/speed thing.

And when I say she seems to enjoy what I' m doing, I mean she's not grabbing my hair and throwing me off the bed or grabbing my ears and steering me around nor is she crushing my skull with her thighs. She's just comfortably lying there and occasionally arching her back or wiggling her hips a little. Not a lot of feedback there. She's never been a moaner or a screamer, actually she's quite quiet. 

I have been asking her "does this feel good?" "How about this?" "Too much or not enough?" etc. Most of the time she's nodding and not speaking so I'm not getting definitive answers.
So I'm still clueless how to proceed.

On the interesting side, I think I found her G-Spot. It wasn't that hard to find, about 1 knuckle in on anterior v-wall. She had just stopped the action to go to the bathroom and came back and resumed the position and action where we left off. I was giving OS with fingers stroking the front v-wall and I felt a puffy ridged spot like a quarter in size so I started pressing and stroking there. I asked her how's that feel and she said "good but it makes me feel like I've gotta pee again." I said, "okay let's go with that!" She enjoyed it for a while but I got worried that it was boring her because she was just lying there not moving or saying anything so I switched to kissing her and rubbing her inner thighs and on and on.

On the curious side, I'm wondering where her clitoris is. I know where it should be and I know where it was 4-5 years ago but now I can't seem to find it. It never was big, or even average compared to most I've seen, kind of small and hard to get to but always distinguishable, but now I can't SEE it at all and only feel a tiny lump smaller than a pea where it should be.

Anyway, I'm going to try to keep things going the right way and keep patiently doing the things she seems to like.

The book links look interesting and I will make a purchase this week. 

The question remains: What to do during those long sessions without feedback from her.

And new questions:

What to do with her G-Spot to help her relax and enjoy the sensation? If she feels like she's going to pee, is that uncomfortable for her or is it a good sign to keep soldiering on?

Where could her clit have gone? It's kind of hard to pleasure an organ that's MIA. Help me find it or is there a hormone problem that we should get checked. I take testosterone deep IM 100mg every week for low-t and the info says exposure of women and girls to testosterone may cause side effects including enlarged clitoris and early onset of puberty. Could she be lacking hormones and shrinking her 'dink' because of that. We can do doctor visits and labs, no probs. And if anyone thinks I'm crazy enough to treat her myself with my t, I'm not. Never would. I want her just right, not screwed up.

Thanks.

Dawg


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

4alarmfiredawg said:


> Where could her clit have gone? It's kind of hard to pleasure an organ that's MIA. Help me find it or is there a hormone problem that we should get checked. I take testosterone deep IM 100mg every week for low-t and the info says exposure of women and girls to testosterone may cause side effects including enlarged clitoris and early onset of puberty. Could she be lacking hormones and shrinking her 'dink' because of that. We can do doctor visits and labs, no probs. And if anyone thinks I'm crazy enough to treat her myself with my t, I'm not. Never would. I want her just right, not screwed up.


Well, in an otherwise normal, healthy female the decreasing levels of testosterone/estrogen due to peri-menopause (the years before menopause starts) and menopause itself often cause the female sex organs, including the clitoris, to decrease in size.

If your wife is in her 40's and hasn't gone through menopause yet, she could be going through peri-menopause as that often starts in women around 35 or so and goes through their 40's until menopause (which typically starts around age 51 on average).

If she has decreases in sensation or is concerned about the size, she should go see her ob/gyn.

Midlife and Sexuality - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

read a book  they tell you what to do. Also experiment and ask what she likeds or read her body.

She can also grab the back of your head and show you what she likes.....


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## Rough Patch Sewing (Apr 18, 2011)

Communicate with her about what feels good to her. Some women need to have the gentle-gentle flick and lick and others want the whole Greek alphabet and lexicon done for maximum pleasure.


Technique is one thing, individual finesse based on her individual likes and dis-likes is the next step to getting her off that way.

To tell you the truth, I have tried this stuff multiple times with my wife, but she does not really want it. I will keep trying because I love it and I want to get her off like crazy, in that way that is.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Rough Patch Sewing said:


> To tell you the truth, I have tried this stuff multiple times with my wife, but she does not really want it. I will keep trying because I love it and I want to get her off like crazy, in that way that is.


Communication also means listening to your wife. If she doesn't like something, then you should listen to that, take it to heart, and move on to something else.

Oral sex is a very personal thing. For some women, it may feel like nothing more than an annoying tickle - they may need a lot firmer stimulation that your mouth is able to give. A wife may just appreciate her husband even more if he listens to her cues about what she really wants.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Every woman's body is different and every woman has their own version of what kind of lovin' they like, so your best answers to your questions will be found with your wife, if she is willing to share. Sounds like she is quiet and not very communicative in bed, which sounds frustrating. Have you ever asked her to be more vocal? 

Regarding her cl it - spread her lips, wet your finger, and rub along the top middle half of her kitty to find it. Closer to the entry way to her love canal will not be where you will find it. Rest assured that even if it's not sticking out, there are plenty of nerve endings underneath the surface that will allow her to enjoy what's going on.

Finally, for me, it is really frustrating to get close during oral only to have my husband change technique, so I would try a few styles and ask your wife to give you a signal when it feels best (she could grab your hair or say "that's it" or whatever she's comfortable with). Then just go with that until she has an O.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

My dear fireman, it is not a race to "get her there". Cunninglingus can last a loooonnnggg time (as long as your tongue holds out  ) and you can start slow and very gradually, if ever, increase the tempo. If a typical orgasm lasts several seconds sometimes with oral sex you can have her at a plateau where orgasmic like sensations last minutes and then there's the eventual, mind-blowing eruption. The point is, if what you are doing is making her feel good then don't feel like you have to change. You can change, and you can vary pace, etc., but don't have the mindset that if you're doing something for more than a minute or two that she is going to get bored; she'll only get bored if it wasn't feeling good in the first place. Another little trick when you are giving oral and whatever you're doing at that particular time seem to be giving her real enjoyment: stop. Just for a couple seconds so that her body can 'reset' so that when you start again it's like a whole new sensation all over again. Others here are right; there's a ton of different ways to give oral. Just google and do a little research. But don't feel like you have to keep changing because, utlimately, that might be to her disadvantage.

Oh, the g-spot. Definitely worth exploring. Me and the Mrs. are working on that one right now. The pee feeling is natural, and real results will not be gained until she can condition herself to move past that feeling without that feeling interupting her mindset (if she's thinking too much about how she feels like she has to pee then her body isn't trying to maximize the pleasure.)

Good luck...her's is one fire you don't want to put out


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Ok.....from one Medic to another (29 years of service)......its no different than diagnosing a pt. talk talk talk.......and listen to what she tells you. Follow the signs and symptoms. You won't find an ACLS algorithm to treat your pt. you have to do it the old fashion way. You know like before we had 12 leads, how did you diagnose the possibility of an MI. Sure the old 3 lead would help but not give you anything definitive. You had to treat the pt not lead II. where they ashen, or pale, diaphoretic, N&V, radiating pain, SOB. You see what I mean.

If she is vocal enough you should have no problem. If not look for subtleties. Watch her face feel her body tensing or relaxing. You have to be attentive.

Hope this helps
Good luck


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