# Rushed to a bust



## lostnlingering (Sep 15, 2010)

I have been married for almost a year (next month). I married my high school sweetheart who I dated from the time I was a sophomore to midway through my senior year. We had a lot of trouble in high school because she has a very emotionally unstable mother who seemed to like to get in between everybody that did not pay her the attention she felt she deserved. This caused a lot of unnecessary stress on our relationship throughout it's entirety.

Once we split up toward the end of my high school career I dated around off and on for the next four years. In the mean time, she had became attached to someone else for the remainder of her high school career. A week after she graduated she got married to him and on they went as a "very happy" couple for the first 3 1/2 years. He eventually started drinking a lot and doing nothing but playing video games as he expressed that he lost interest in the marriage and felt he had made a mistake. My ex at that time was his first "real" relationship and he was only 20 when he got married. That was most def. a rush on their part.

Once they had hit a very rough spot in their marriage my ex came to me (maybe for advice or companionship I am not really sure) which I did not feel like I should be giving advice to her over the situation. I tried my best to anyhow and recommended that she try to work things out with him and if that didn't work after a set amount of time that maybe then she should consider a divorce. Well she was very impatient with the advice as she had decided to leave him only a few days later. At that point she made her mind up that she did not want to stay there anymore and did not want to return to her parents' house as she hated it there from our earlier years. I may have made a bad decision by offering to let her stay with me but I did. It didn't take long before she was trying to seduce me back into bed with her as she was clearly on the rebound.

It was only a week later that we decided to rent a house and share it together but it didn't work out quite like that. We ended up sleeping together night after night and continued to let the situation dig itself deeper. This was all a mistake to be doing but I did not think of that at the time because I was blinded by some old advice I had received on fate. That advice was that the chances of high school sweethearts ending up back together and getting married is rare so I thought I had something special there. This whole time I don't think I ever got that "special" feeling though as many say you will get when you truly find the "right" person to spend the rest of your life with.,

As time went on we fought about many stupid things and I had a bad anger issue for awhile and was always yelling about one thing or another. She was always to dramatic about things and made stupid statements a lot. We continued with an extremely rough road but never seem to see what the wise thing would have been to do which is to split. Instead we ended up getting married just a little under a year later. We had come to realize a lot of our indifferences later as time passed and repeatedly made attempts to correct our behavioral issues in order to make each other happy. Since that decision things have shown improvement but not to the extent that I even think I will receive that "special" feeling. I am worried that I have made a big mistake and do feel regret from time to time over it. It seems to me that having these feelings reassures that I am not with the right person.

At one point earlier in our relationship I feel that I was driven to being unfaithful on a few occasions (that happened within a two week period) which I always felt guilty after the fact. I don't want us to keep "trying" for another five years and only then realize that it was all a big mistake.

I am a little scared of having to start all over with everything about my life except for my job (which I have a very fortunate situation with). I really need to know what to do.

I find that I have been getting a lot of compliments from different women that I encounter in my semi-daily life that I have never received before and it makes me feel as though I should be out trying to date women like this who say that I make them feel very good. I often question what it would be like to date again or to just have true freedom.

I would really love to hear multiple opinions on this situation so any feedback no matter what it is would be very appreciated.

Thanks!


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## Brioli (Sep 6, 2010)

Ok.....I am going to quote you here, "I don't want us to keep "trying" for another five years and only then realize that it was all a big mistake".

First thing is first..... Life as a couple married or not, is never easy. It is not TV...it is not the movies....It all has it's up and downs, bad times and good times, in's and out's....etc...

You may love her one minute and hate her next…totally normal…happens to us all.

The thing is...that, "yes" you guys have your problems...so does everyone else....they may be different problems, but they are problems none the less...

The way you guys connected, after her marriage, is awkward and I would not condone it, however, marriage is HARD. I do not care who you are with. I don’t know how old you are, but if I had to guess I would say in your 20’s. During this time it is hard to stay married because your both still young and beautiful people, and are trying to get ahead in life through opportunities that present themselves {some opportunities won’t happen again in the future (life changes throughout life…think about when you were a child until now. How much has changed? A LOT…I’m sure )….}

I will tell you there is some truth to the, “you guys coming back together” advice….but not for everyone. It is all in how you look at it. Do you look at what you two have and take it for granted or do you look at it and say, “wow, this is amazing that we are here together again and consider how you two compliment each other (it’s all in the attitude)”?

You seem like a very intelligent young man so….look at the big picture.

The fact that you worry about a future you can’t control is cause for concern. I don’t care if you are spiritual or not, you can’t control your future…I mean you can’t… think about it…

Don’t get me wrong….we like to believe that if we go to college for example… the odds are we will get a degree, go on to a good job, and live a successful life….HOWEVER….life can throw you curb balls (and it usually does) things that you least expect which throw you off course.

It is not smart to approach life making decision s about “what if” this and “what if” that. The truth is, we can’t control any of our future, because we don’t know what is going to happen to tomorrow. We can only control today.

We can only be so fortunate enough to find a human being to share this crazy thing we call “life” with us. Someone who stands by our side and through it all…no matter what…

Please…consider the big picture…

Marriage isn’t all about attraction and excitement…it is about partnership…almost a business agreement….”I am here for you, so be there for me”.

Life is tough, and it only gets tougher (not easier)….Can you stand by her and will she stand by you? Through sickness and in health (I know the sickness and in health is cheesy…but it’s truth…there is a reason for those vows…and it’s not just happiness or biblical).

Your marriage and life is what you make of it. True, you can’t control her ideals but you can control yours. She is either on the bandwagon or she is not….Think long term…Think big.

Good Luck


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