# W HD n yet refuse it



## 2012solution (Jan 29, 2013)

Married 13 years, 2 kids below 10 y- o. I say I'm a HD but I have been giving excuses as much as possible for the past 10 months because I don't see a point of me giving it for his pleasure when he only last 1-2 min while me ALWAYS hanging for the past 13 years. B4 I knew about this forum, I used to think is normal,I thought maybe is my problem doesn't reach O soon enough then I slowly realized I have not been happy as years gone by. i told him he needs to fix his problem and i have enough of " pleasing" him all these years. Guess what he did? he didn't even try to google to fix his problem and still want to try have sex with me.??????

I have a hubby with little to zero emotions, no flowers nor gifts on special days (I.e, birthday,anniversary, valentine) well, I did get about 4 gifts for Xmas for the 13 years we were together while I stop gifting him after our 1st 3 years together, I told myself there is no point to be the only one being thoughtful and loving. I found out about the 5 love languages last week and finished reading in 1 day n told him to also read it so that our marriage maybe better term, a week gone by, he probably has read 20-30 pages, I don't see improvements at all. He is 15 years older, I used to think he is mature enough will treat me like his little queen but I have craved for his attentions for years! 
Lately I have received compliments from customers at work ( i work part time and serving the public type of work) n I love it! Hence I have been dressing up for work instead of for him,then I just realized I love those attentions from other men, I m not looking to have an affair or anything like that but just enjoy the admiring eyes looking at me while my HB is like a stone don't know what he has. I said to him that he is made out of stone, he was upset about it n asked why I said that, I told him " because YOU ARE and think about it how you been treating me all these years before you go to bed", he'll, nothing seems to change since, I come to the point of giving up, I want to move on, I don't want to live in this type of emotionless life for the rest of my life.
I m seeing MC next week and hopefully I will get something out from there.


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## RFguy (Feb 17, 2013)

I feel your pain because I just broke free from a similar relationship. I too am HD but for the last few months before the break-up I was avoiding my GF's advances out of spite.

Trying and failing is one thing, but your hubby won't even try lifting his little finger at the problem! His inaction make you feel insignificant and rightly so.

And yes, this kind of situation leads to affairs or divorce. It is a law of nature. You say you are constantly getting compliments but are not interested in an affair. Well, if this situation continues any longer, your frustration will hit a critical mass and then you will be ripe and ready for an affair. And if you ask me I will say you had all the right in the world to do it.

You have to think clearly now and ask yourself some questions:
1) Is there any chance this man can change his attitude towards you? 
2) Do you feel that the situation is so FUBARed that even MC won't have an effect?
3) Would you be happier just being left alone?

Life is short and you don't have to take shiat from anyone. If you feel it is not worth it or it aint goint to change then do the big step and abandon ship.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Oh now that is good advice.... dont like your situation why not go ahead and commit one of the big 10 sins! ... your husband is a POS so just go ahead and be a bigger POS! 
Look, I was married for 30 years, to a woman who never cared about my needs. I get that part. But to lower yourself below them is not an answer. IF, you try and they are not willing/able to change, by all rights, get a divorce, you deserve better. But keep your honor, do things in the right order. The resentment in your post is obvious. As things stand now I dont think anything good is possible without a lot of work from BOTH of you. Go to MC, see if it can be saved. If not move on, but buy a ticket before you get on the plane. Because anyone who would willingly fool around with a married person, is not what you want or need. They are bottom feeders!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

2012solution said:


> Married 13 years, 2 kids below 10 y- o. I say I'm a HD but I have been giving excuses as much as possible for the past 10 months because I don't see a point of me giving it for his pleasure when he only last 1-2 min while me ALWAYS hanging for the past 13 years. B4 I knew about this forum, I used to think is normal,I thought maybe is my problem doesn't reach O soon enough then I slowly realized I have not been happy as years gone by. i told him he needs to fix his problem and i have enough of " pleasing" him all these years. Guess what he did? he didn't even try to google to fix his problem and still want to try have sex with me.??????
> 
> I have a hubby with little to zero emotions, no flowers nor gifts on special days (I.e, birthday,anniversary, valentine) well, I did get about 4 gifts for Xmas for the 13 years we were together while I stop gifting him after our 1st 3 years together, I told myself there is no point to be the only one being thoughtful and loving. I found out about the 5 love languages last week and finished reading in 1 day n told him to also read it so that our marriage maybe better term, a week gone by, he probably has read 20-30 pages, I don't see improvements at all. He is 15 years older, I used to think he is mature enough will treat me like his little queen but I have craved for his attentions for years!
> Lately I have received compliments from customers at work ( i work part time and serving the public type of work) n I love it! Hence I have been dressing up for work instead of for him,then I just realized I love those attentions from other men, I m not looking to have an affair or anything like that but just enjoy the admiring eyes looking at me while my HB is like a stone don't know what he has. I said to him that he is made out of stone, he was upset about it n asked why I said that, I told him " because YOU ARE and think about it how you been treating me all these years before you go to bed", he'll, nothing seems to change since, I come to the point of giving up, I want to move on, I don't want to live in this type of emotionless life for the rest of my life.
> I m seeing MC next week and hopefully I will get something out from there.


I am so sorry to hear how empty your life has become, everyone deserves love and sex is a part of that....

See my post "All this crap about the f word" and ask your husband to read it. It is about my experience with the 5 love languages......I have always considered myself a "GIFTED" lover. My wife decribed me as an ardent, passionate and generous sex partner, and yet we found ourselves in a sexless marriage. 

We both had emotional needs that weren't being met.

No man could be indifferent to the kind of changes that book has made in our marriage......

I hope your husband is willing to change.....Good luck...


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