# Embarrassed to post about sex, but...



## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

I am just going to lay it out here:

Until October, I have been in ONE RELATIONSHIP my entire life. Kind of embarrassing, right? I am 33 and only had one very short lived "a little more than friends thing" right before I met the woman of my dreams when I was 17. Six years later, we were married, but I was still a virgin - and she, one. After 15 years being in that relationship, I am now out of it. I am doing great, very happy about what has happened since my divorce.

Unfortuntely, I started dating. Well, that in itself is not the unfortunate part, but I am with a girl now that... well, let's just say, she is experienced. And now it's getting kind of serious, and she has expressed interest in sex and so have I. Thing is, I am terrified I am going to screw everything up because I was with one woman who only wanted to do "safe" and then starved me out for the last part of our marriage. Sex is apparently very, critically important to my girlfriend. So much so that she said that once we are official she is the kind to need it daily. Umm... okay! But, the problem is that I am so 'inexperienced.' I want to at least educate myself further, but I am not even sure where to start. I figure, the best way to become better is simply by practice but that's not going to help me the first time around. 

Any advice? lol


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Nothing beats practice, of course, but you can learn a lot from books and web sites regarding the positions, erogenous zones, techniques, etc., but every woman is different so mostly just pay close attention to what she says or does or how she responds to different things to find out what works for her.

It's not rocket science, but sex IS a learned skill.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My wife was my first, and I was married for 17 years before leaving it, due in a large part to the lack of intimacy. Post marriage, I has a couple of partners before meeting my SO. Her numbers... I think I could multiple mine by 10 and still be short. So I know where you're coming from. 

My thoughts... Get some books like "She Comes First". Talk to your girl about what she likes, without being judging or jealous. Be willing to try new things at least once. And focus on her pleasure. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Ask her to show you what she likes. Be open and honest, because good communication is the key.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Thank you both for the advice so far! I plan to do what I can in terms or reading and such, my guess, is that I have until Monday - that is when I invited her over to my place for the first time and she has already made comments at least suggesting what might happen.

She is very open about her sexuality, which kind of took me by surprise because she talked about it so early on. By like our thrid date, she was talking pretty overtly about what she likes, and I will be honest, I almost got up and ran for the hills. She is not too over the top, but I have to say, it should be an interesting experience and I don't want to dissappoint, ya know? 

What I do have going for me is that I was always very in tune to what my ex liked, and although she was not that adventurous, I still did everything I could to make it the best possible experience for HER.


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## Kria (Aug 4, 2013)

Clawed said:


> I am just going to lay it out here:
> 
> Until October, I have been in ONE RELATIONSHIP my entire life. Kind of embarrassing, right? I am 33 and only had one very short lived "a little more than friends thing" right before I met the woman of my dreams when I was 17. Six years later, we were married, but I was still a virgin - and she, one. After 15 years being in that relationship, I am now out of it. I am doing great, very happy about what has happened since my divorce.
> 
> ...


First of all there is no reason to be embarrassed because this is an anonymous website.

Secondly, there is no requirement for how many relationships and sexual experiences for a person to have.

Thirdly, each person you have sex with is a different person so don't compare what you did with each person.

Fourthly, sex should be an expression of love that brings pleasure and not just about acrobatics and keeping score. Relationships that put too much emphasis on sex without balance of other aspects are bound to have problems. Intimacy should include more that just sexual expression. It should include good communication and physical intimacy that doesn't have to always lead to sex.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Clawed said:


> Thank you both for the advice so far! I plan to do what I can in terms or reading and such, my guess, is that I have until Monday - that is when I invited her over to my place for the first time and she has already made comments at least suggesting what might happen.
> 
> She is very open about her sexuality, which kind of took me by surprise because she talked about it so early on. By like our thrid date, she was talking pretty overtly about what she likes, and I will be honest, I almost got up and ran for the hills. She is not too over the top, but I have to say, it should be an interesting experience and I don't want to dissappoint, ya know?
> 
> What I do have going for me is that I was always very in tune to what my ex liked, and although she was not that adventurous, I still did everything I could to make it the best possible experience for HER.


Keep that up, and you should be fine. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Don't be afraid. Sex is supposed to be fun. As you go along, ask her what she likes. Or try things and gauge her reaction. She's going to have the same worries about pleasing you too. As long as you communicate, you should be just fine.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

do the best you can......ride it as far as you can.

you are what you are and thats all that you are.

good luck.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Fall at her feet and beg her to teach you everything she knows to turn you into her personal Frankenstein. 

Lack of experience is never a deal-breaker. Lack of enthusiasm is.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Enthusiasm for what you're doing, for the person with whom you are doing it, is just as important as technique.

Be fresh and clean, read the book PBear suggested, and enjoy it!


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

My new partner was the same…less experienced than I, not that I've had ALOT of partners but more sex & I am adventurous in that dept.

Don't stress so much! If she is talking about sex with you she'll communicate what she likes etc…just be up front about your past letting her know you're not as experienced. Also just go with the flow, it takes time to get to know one another intimately & grow together in that area. My man has come a long way (no pun intended!!!) & a few issues that 'he's' had he has read up on & all I can say is it's the BEST I've ever had because he has put so much more into it :smthumbup:


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

GREAT ADVICE FROM EVERYONE HERE!

Best lover I ever had was a guy who told me that his former gf showed him what women like. I WAS IMPRESSED THAT he was HUMBLE ENOUGH to take advice/direction from his gf. I believe *that* is what made the difference!

As others have pointed out, LISTEN to what she says, PAY ATTENTION to how she responds, REMEMBER for next time. Try some new things, LISTEN, PAY ATTENTION, REMEMBER. Lather, rinse, repeat.

And don't forget to enjoy YOURSELF! It's not an exam to be studied for and 'aced'...it's sharing and enjoyment for BOTH of you!

Have fun!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Clawed I am assuming that despite the fact you have not had sex that there is chemistry right? Build on that and have fun. Read the book, do not be embarrassed and if you hit a snag be totally upfront with her. If she is not understanding and willing to help "get you up to speed" I doubt she is the one for you.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Clawed said:


> What I do have going for me is that I was always very in tune to what my ex liked, and although she was not that adventurous, I still did everything I could to make it the best possible experience for HER.


And ^that is what makes a lover...GREAT! 

Go ahead and tell her that you feel a little insecure and worried about your performance because you haven't been around the block with many women. I'll bet she understands that you still had years of opportunity with one woman, and lucky for you, she's hoping you will confine yourself to one woman in the future. She'll see your vulnerability as something to protect and will likely show you what she does and does not like since she's pretty open about stuff. 

I'm pretty certain you'll find 90% of your fear is unfounded.


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## NewlyWed2000 (Oct 8, 2013)

I don't know if this helps but I've learned that every woman is different. What works with one, doesn't necessarily work with another.

The best thing you can do and you are already showing it, is to have the desire to please her and learn her body (which takes time for anyone). Have fun with it, ask her what feels good and doesn't. You'll know when you find the good spots 

I think there are many selfish males out there when it comes to sex who just want theirs but it sounds like you aren't one of them and because of that I'm positive you'll do just fine. 

Again just take time to learn her body and don't feel afraid to communicate. I've never had a woman think it was weird because I asked if something felt good.

Book wise, the only thing I'd personally read up on if you want to read anything is oral sex.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i married my wife after knowing her for about 21 days. 

i had a lot of hold ups, mainly because i had no idea what the hell i was doing in bed. i just focused on what she liked. i didnt even tell her that i felt like i had no idea what i was doing, i just payed attention to her reactions. if it looked like she liked it, i did it. if i was getting no reaction, i would try something else. 

i think your already on the right track. dont worry about lack of experience, as Cletus said, enthusiasm is more important than experience. my wife was more "experienced" than i was, but she tells me that i am the best lover she has ever had, because i pay attention to what turns her on. 

i really cant tell you how much i love seeing my wife lose her **** because i am hitting all the right buttons...

if you feel that way, just tell her that you want to turn her on like nobody ever has before, and be willing to follow her suggestions. 
let her know that you have no clue what it is she likes, and be willing to follow her suggestions. she WILL tell you. she already wants you, as you have said. all you have to do to make sure she is satisfied is pay attention. 

hell, my wife says that the fact that i straight up told her that i hold no illusions as to knowing what she wants when it comes to sex was actually a turn on(eventually i told her this). i guess it meant i was willing to play to her fantasies(which i was).


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

This sounds similar to my STBW and I. I had just come out of a 20 year relationship with my ex wife, and had only been with one woman before her, so my current partner count including my STBW is three.

When I met met my STBW, things clicked on every level from the very beginning. It became fairly obvious from out endless conversations that sex was something very important to her, and we were very open and honest about it. Her partner count is more than 10x mine, but our likes, dislikes, frequency and all that are pretty much exactly the same. One thing to remember is that partner count does not equal more experience. While she had more than 10x my partners, I have had more sex with my two partners, so who is actually more experienced?

She has since admitted that before we actualy slept together, that she was a bit concerned that I would suck in bed becase of my lack of partners. Her worries were dispelled the very first time we slept together and she O'd from oral within mintues of my starting. She's even remarked that she's had more orgasms in the first six month we were together than she'd had her whole life combined before.

One thing though that may be a minor issue is that she may think that since she has had far more partners, is far more experienced, that she knows it all. You may find yourself having to teach her how to best do it for you, I know I had to teach my STBW, fortunately, she has been receptive, though it was slow going at times.

I am very intune with my own body and know just how to use a womans body for my own pleasure, and that in turn allows me to focus on them and what they are wanting and needing.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

Let her be your teacher and enjoy it. Don't be afraid to push the envelope in your discussions. Worst case scenario (and this probably won't happen): if you say too much, you can always apologize and say that you were just trying to make an effort for her sake and then ask for guidance. But I SERIOUSLY doubt that will happen. I have a hunch that you will be doing things, and talking about things only in your wildest dreams. Enjoy the ride.


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