# sexual frustrations



## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

Been sep. for little over a year now. Dated for awhile but haven't dated or had sexual relations for a few months now. Recently I started spending time with someone who is going through a sep. as well. I find that the more time i spend with him the more i can't stop thinking about sex. did anyone else find that they became a little sexually obsessed with the opposite sex? What did you do about it? I know some may come back with self pleasure and trust me I have done that but it's not the same. I desire the touch of a real man. ok this took some guts to type out so i'll wait and see what you all have to say lol.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I totally understand what you are saying. Self-pleasuring is not the same thing. It's really not just about the sex, it's the whole being touched etc.

And then once you do start having sex, it's like the more you have, the more you obsess and want more.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

god yes, particularly as our sex life was crap for the last few years. I've watched porn, read erotic fiction, had some HAWT cybersex but you're right, the actual touch of someone is a big thing

thing is, I really don't want a relationship yet - it's only been six weeks, so I'm happy just doing what I'm doing and if a hot guy comes along well that's all good too

the next guy I go to bed with is gonna be one lucky dude


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## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

I know I don't want a relationship but is a fwb arrangement a good idea? 
Anyone have much experience as a separated/divorced person. 
If u have was the person a good friend or a casual acquaintance. What rules did u have to 
Try to keep it simple and so no one would get hurt. 
Were u still friends after it ended and did it end due to another relationship?


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

I hear ya! It's been about a month for me. We are still living under the same roof. Friday night I came home after drinking wine at a friends house, and was so tempted to go upstairs where he is staying in the spare room. I stopped myself and was very proud. I made the mistake of doing that after the first week when he told me he wants a separation. That night the sex was incredible. I know, probably TMI. 
All I can say is that his excuse for leaving is not lack of sex...the past 2 years has been the best in all of our marriage of 18 years. I just don't get it.
I am going to miss it. He is out looking at a place now.


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## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

jenny123 said:


> I hear ya! It's been about a month for me. We are still living under the same roof. Friday night I came home after drinking wine at a friends house, and was so tempted to go upstairs where he is staying in the spare room. I stopped myself and was very proud. I made the mistake of doing that after the first week when he told me he wants a separation. That night the sex was incredible. I know, probably TMI.
> All I can say is that his excuse for leaving is not lack of sex...the past 2 years has been the best in all of our marriage of 18 years. I just don't get it.
> I am going to miss it. He is out looking at a place now.


I did the fwb with an ex in the past and it just confuses things. 
I'm curious about fwb with an actual friend. How do u keep your feelings in check
How can u not end up developing feelings for them and wanting more?
See this friend I mentioned above is a really great guy. We talked about fwb cuz we both have needs
And figure we are friends so we don't have to search for sex from strangers.
Problem is that we are very similar, alike and our marriages were similar
So not sure what to think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

FWB is dangerous - heed my words, because one of you will end up having stronger feelings than the other and it will end it tears

if I sound like I'm speaking from experience then you're right - I lost a very good friend and if I could take it back I would in a second


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah I've heard that too, the FWB is a bad idea. I would love to have that, but I think it would just make things worse with my emotions. My sexual frustration stems from the fact that the last three to six months of my marriage my sex life with my wife was never better. I wrote her a bucket list of things I wanted to do, and we were working on it. I had a "nooner" with her, she finally wore that special outfit for me (sucks because it was only once). We were having sex right up until she said she wanted a divorce, even once after she said she wanted a divorce. 

Like other posters said, self stimulation is not the same thing as being with someone, the physical intimacy, the touching, kissing, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I have not been intimate with with anyone for over 4 months. Even when I was with my wife, where was not much affection or anything else for that matter.

Personally, I envy people who have had or are having flings, but that's just not me. Just not ready yet. And you know what? That's ok.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I think I'd rather have a rebound relationship than a fwb... I know emotions maybe tied to it but I think no matter what I'd have sex/feelings etc. I might have plans for a fwb but I think on my part it would turn into a rebound


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## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I think I'd rather have a rebound relationship than a fwb... I know emotions maybe tied to it but I think no matter what I'd have sex/feelings etc. I might have plans for a fwb but I think on my part it would turn into a rebound


See I think it turns ugly if one of you could see yourself with the other person.
If you can't see yourself in a relationship with them for whatever reason then it might work. 
See I am 14 months into sep. I think he is about 2 months or so. Maybe a bit less. 
That is where it's a bit difficult too.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I will say that sex is important and there is a reason we aren't all cheaters. We valued that intimacy with a SPECIFIC person. It wasn't a random hook up. In this I think we find a lot of the answers being asked here.

I wouldn't be quick to try and rush it. I look at this differently than many do but I feel it's something you should safe gaurd. Don't be quick to let someone take part in it. Ultimately I think any man/woman who has to work at least to enjoy all of you will be more likely to stick around.

Those who enjoy the fling/unemotional aspect I wish nothing but the best. I couldn't do it as it's not just about sex.

Be safe and be careful, don't make rash decisions because your body is screaming for something. OP I hope you find someone who appreciates you and it sounds like your husband is losing something great. My STBXW said our sex wasn't as intense as she wanted but most of that comes down to effort. I tried, she didn't because she wasn't in our marriage emotionally. I can't say why as I'm in good shape, been told I'm attractive and and always working on me. Who knows, sometimes we don't understand that what we have is as amazing as it is until it's gone. 

Love yourself and someone will want to love you.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

> My STBXW said our sex wasn't as intense as she wanted but most of that comes down to effort. *I tried, she didn't because she wasn't in our marriage emotionally.* I can't say why as I'm in good shape, been told I'm attractive and and always working on me. Who knows, sometimes we don't understand that what we have is as amazing as it is until it's gone.


Ditto. She also asked if I could be in a marriage without sex. I was out of shape and too flabby, but so was she, but I always desired her. I just wanted more of a connection, to feel the difference between making love and having sex. Just didn't really happen with her. 

She told me I was a very good and attentive lover. I think we may have had sex twice in the 4 months before she left. More of an act than anything close to involving passion.

Ah well... that was that. Forward, thanks.


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