# Wifey closing in for the kill!



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I may have triggered something I now regret triggering since the last debate the missus and I had. I "admitted" that no, I'm not doing anything fishy but I'm doing "online counselling", but now she's insistent on speaking with "my counsellor"...

Which is a problem, because my "online counsellor"... is... THIS FORUM! And if she finds out I'm here, I can no longer use this forum as a way of unleashing my worries and getting random advice. I've told her I need my privacy otherwise I have no way to unleash my thoughts safely and have them heard, but she insists I should be using my IC for that not my "online one", but I "admitted" that I had this "counsellor" since late last year.

Bad mistake, now she keeps poking me, progressively more and more. The other problem is that she has given me complete transparency since day one and is leading by example and making it very difficult for me in this position!!! I'm cornered!!! Help! I may have to delete all the threads I spoke ill of her!


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## sixteen miles (Jan 5, 2011)

A bit of a sticky wicket for sure, but why delete them? What would be the reason that you would not want her to see or read them? Would it create a firestorm of trouble from her? If you spoke from the heart, spoke the facts and sought advice to understand or improve your marriage then why the desire to hide the information from her?

If you were in a session with a "live" counselor would you not have revealed very much the same info and facts? Perhaps turning all of your cards face up will bring resolutions and answers for you both!

I think you have some questions as well as angles to ponder here, before you act. This probe by your wife maybe actually a very good thing in a roundabout way.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

So, am I correct that you have not cheated? Time to set some boundries and tell her to grow up, when you have not violated vows and trust you get to do such things.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@16miles

Well some stuff I said might have been flattering, and it's from the heart. Other stuff however, is anything BUT flattering, but it's also from the heart. And I don't want her to read the non-flattering stuff, even if I've told her most of it by now.

And the thing is, if I let go and show her this forum, then I'll never be able to use this forum again, because I'll never be as open as I am now since I'll always be thinking "she could be reading!"

@Locard

Erm... I did cheat in the past however - and it sucks, even though it was a very long time ago it still haunts her. She's not 100% over it, and now she's cornered me... =/

Also, how to enforce boundaries when she always gave me complete transparency and now wants the same in this case? There has to be a way out of this one...

Also, we've finally made some progress after the last debate, she's finally decided to respect my boundary in terms of "aquanaut production" but it seems like she's not going to be 100% happy with it until I compromise in this somehow.

But there is a way to "compromise" without really compromising yes?

EDIT:
Actually, how about misdirection? Hmmm...
Need someone I can trust to pose as an online counsellor somehow - on a counselling site lol


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Rule number one. 

Never be afraid of your woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

We're on a shaky "peace treaty"... I need a break from our war - some R&R! =/

Besides we're making progress! Don't want all hell to break loose again over the same things (or in this case, possibly over old issues - I wrote down my thoughts on many issues we have faced)


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How about telling her the truth? That you've been using an online forum as a form of counseling/therapy, and if you give it to her, you will no longer be able to use it freely. So you decline the opportunity to hand over all your "therapist's audio tapes", so to speak. After all, even if you've talked to her counselor, I'm sure you didn't get all the details of absolutely EVERYTHING that was said, word for word... You'd get a very summarized version, filtered carefully for to be presented tactfully to you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You know if she just googles "Marriage counselling forum" this site is the first to rock up! =/ Hence I told her "I'm talking to an online counsellor"! It's misdirection!

The thing is, I just need some way to prove to her that I did indeed seek help for our marriage and that I do care about us, and that I haven't been doing fishy stuff in my man-cave. In other words; I need to prove to her I've been looking for help, without revealing my source... Argh!


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

So RandomDude has been caught having an EA with his counselor, TAM. It started innocently enough trying to improve his marriage. But the advice was good and he felt empowered and gained a new outlook on life. It was his secret and things were said that couldn’t be said in front of the spouse. TAM is providing the emotional support that should be coming from his wife. The wife noticed the difference and notices there are unaccounted for times in his mancave. Now half truths are being told and more secrecy planned because you need your privacy. You can’t give up this “friend”. You are in an EA! 

But seriously, I have often thought that an involvement with TAM can become like an EA. RandomDude, I suggest you treat it like one with disclosure, transparency and the appropriate boundary setting. This will strengthen your marriage since you both will be transparent in the same way. Otherwise you may find it disclosed to you via a keylogger or something else and the work you have done to date to improve will be destroyed because you refused to be transparent yourself. You probably should delete hurtful things or things that you both are not ready to go over yet but you should keep most of it intact.

I disclosed to my wife that I am on TAM. I used to read her some of the posts while we were together. She got bored with it and seemed to loose interest. When I registered for the account I left the registration email in my email account so that she had a way of figuring out who I was if she was so inclined. I think she does read some of my posts as she has made a couple of off hand comments about topics I had recently discussed here. You may find that she gains insight into your state of mind when she reads stuff that you are not saying directly to her. You might also find that she becomes angry that you have violated some boundaries that she has and if this is the case it’s best to discover the boundaries through openness.

Respect her request.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm torn as to what to say here

on the one hand- what is it that you are afraid of having the wife know? Why can't you communicate what you are feeling and share it with her?

But I realize that the safety of anonymity is important in order for some to open up in ways that they can't express otherwise.

I'm with Pbear on this one- tell her in vague terms what it is and then perhaps get your main threads moved into the private section


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Sticky one. Especially since she's been transparent with you since day one. I've said it before, TAM has been a huge help in my marriage and how I perceive things now. Without this forum, I would more than likely still not be giving my H sex and expect him to live with it that way, as well as other issues. But I also know that I would have to reveal my source to my H if he ever asked. He's the one who has become transparent to me because of the crap he pulled over time and that is very much appreciated and I certainly wouldn't want to say "no" to him if he asked, because then my marriage has secrets again, but reversed. I would do what everyone else suggests in regards to your privacy, but I wouldn't try to get out of this any other way than the truth. But that's just my opinion. Good luck!


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> I may have triggered something I now regret triggering since the last debate the missus and I had. I "admitted" that no, I'm not doing anything fishy but I'm doing "online counselling", but now she's insistent on speaking with "my counsellor"...
> 
> Which is a problem, because my "online counsellor"... is... THIS FORUM! And if she finds out I'm here, I can no longer use this forum as a way of unleashing my worries and getting random advice. I've told her I need my privacy otherwise I have no way to unleash my thoughts safely and have them heard, but she insists I should be using my IC for that not my "online one", but I "admitted" that I had this "counsellor" since late last year.
> 
> Bad mistake, now she keeps poking me, progressively more and more. The other problem is that she has given me complete transparency since day one and is leading by example and making it very difficult for me in this position!!! I'm cornered!!! Help! I may have to delete all the threads I spoke ill of her!


There is no such thing as complete transparency. Human nature states that we all have a need for privacy. We have to have some secrets that we keep to our selves. We need to be able to have that private minute to dig in our nose or speak that white lie so as not to hurt someones feelings over some minor non issue. 

So don't feel your being unreasonable for asking for some reasonable privacy.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

meson said:


> So RandomDude has been caught having an EA with his counselor, TAM. It started innocently enough trying to improve his marriage. But the advice was good and he felt empowered and gained a new outlook on life. It was his secret and things were said that couldn’t be said in front of the spouse. TAM is providing the emotional support that should be coming from his wife. The wife noticed the difference and notices there are unaccounted for times in his mancave. Now half truths are being told and more secrecy planned because you need your privacy. You can’t give up this “friend”. You are in an EA!
> 
> *But seriously, I have often thought that an involvement with TAM can become like an EA.* RandomDude, I suggest you treat it like one with disclosure, transparency and the appropriate boundary setting. This will strengthen your marriage since you both will be transparent in the same way. Otherwise you may find it disclosed to you via a keylogger or something else and the work you have done to date to improve will be destroyed because you refused to be transparent yourself. You probably should delete hurtful things or things that you both are not ready to go over yet but you should keep most of it intact.
> 
> ...


You know I've had this very same thought and I too disclosed it to my wife for this reason. Of course I'm the wayward so I also had/have an obligation to maintain transparency. She ultimately registered herself despite having my screen name and password and does post occasionally. After she first registered she crawled all through TAM looking for and reading every post I'd made. Of course the first one she found was my very first where I was asking for help understanding why I couldn't get the OW out of my head. I remember I looking in her profile and noticed she was reading that thread I started and I thought, "oh sh!t, of all the post to read first she found that one! Not the one's where I'm obviously in a much better place." I sent her a text message reminding her she had to understand this was like letting her into a counseling session. After a little bit of glue she was ok. Now she says reading through all of my post and what I post now helps her to A) really understand where I am with the whole EA, and B) to have some comfort that I am not secretly still pining for the OW. All in all I think it's been helpful for both of us, but it did make me take a deep breath that first day.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> You know if she just googles "Marriage counselling forum" this site is the first to rock up! =/ Hence I told her "I'm talking to an online counsellor"! It's misdirection!
> 
> The thing is, I just need some way to prove to her that I did indeed seek help for our marriage and that I do care about us, and that I haven't been doing fishy stuff in my man-cave. In other words; I need to prove to her I've been looking for help, without revealing my source... Argh!


Why must you Prove this and to whom must you prove it to?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I can't just let her know EVERYTHING and I've been sharing with her tons already, and I often do communicate how I feel, but don't always let her know how I think - knowing her, she may even use the "intel" against me after a while.

And not only that, but yes, I enjoy being open here, and if I let her know about this forum, even if I delete/move threads etc I won't be able to use this anymore. 

As for why I have to prove this to her; We had an argument prior to this and things were settled but I foolishly let it "somewhat" slip what I do in my man-cave. It satisfied her suspicion, but now the more I deny her the ability to "speak to my online counsellor" the suspicions are coming back.

As for privacy, the missus has an advantage being that she's been completely transparent, making it very difficult for me. I have nothing to ask her because she tells me everything even if I simply don't care! =/


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

why can't she know everything? espically the things that make you unhappy.


are you scared to find out maybe you guys just arn't compatible? and it will be the end of your marriage .


that might be the best thing of all then you can start a new adventure with the rest of your life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she uses things against you (intel) then that is not healthy and counter-productive.

On the one hand, you could show her everything you have written. It may actually help your marriage for her to see how you really/truly feel about things. Maybe she'll step up to the plate.

Or maybe you can mantain your privacy telling her it's individual counselling and IC's don't like to work with people as couples (true) and it's best to keep your marriage counselling separate from your online counselling. 

This made me laugh, by the way:



RandomDude said:


> I may have triggered something I now regret triggering since the last debate the missus and I had. I "admitted" that no, I'm not doing anything fishy but I'm doing "online counselling", but now she's insistent on speaking with "my counsellor"...
> 
> *Which is a problem, because my "online counsellor"... is... THIS FORUM*!


:rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Jellybeans

Well I told her that just as she keeps some thoughts to herself I would like some of my thoughts to myself and if she asks I tell her how I feel just as she tells me. But at this point of time she is very pushy in "meeting" my "secret online counsellor"... I think she suspects I may be talking to a woman who she doesn't know and hence there's an "online harpy" that she simply must flay alive...

I think she believes me when I told her nothing fishy is going on but perhaps she trusts me but doesn't trust "harpies", the funny thing is that there are NO HARPIES! Just me, a random dude, whining about marital life to a whole bunch of anonymous folk!

@Chillymorn

I don't want her to know ALL my thoughts or to read certain comments of mine which reflect how I REALLY feel; I'm already brutally honest enough with her as it is from time to time. Also, I don't want to lose this little 'outlet' of mine!

I'm not worried about compatibility or whether things will end because they won't no matter what. What I'm worried about is her giving me hell again so shortly after our little "agreement" or to lose what little progress we've made so far in regards to the nymphomania issue or to lose my little outlet!

Anyways I've been with her too long to think about a new life without her, some serious issues come up sure but I'm solid when it comes to commitment to her. She drives me nuts but I love her. And she may have horrid bad sides, but I have yet to meet a woman with all her good sides too. I'm nailing her bad sides one at a time, that's growth in marriage no?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

As much as I hate to help you lie, there are any number of counselors to contact on-line advertising on this site.

Just get one.




RandomDude said:


> @16miles
> 
> Well some stuff I said might have been flattering, and it's from the heart. Other stuff however, is anything BUT flattering, but it's also from the heart. And I don't want her to read the non-flattering stuff, even if I've told her most of it by now.
> 
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, not buying it. If you can't let her see what you've been saying, you don't have a marriage worth saving. Radical Honesty.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> *What I'm worried about is her giving me hell again* so shortly after our little "agreement" or to lose what little progress we've made so far in regards to the nymphomania issue or to lose my little outlet!
> 
> Anyways I've *been with her too long to think about a new life without her*, some serious issues come up sure but I'm solid when it comes to commitment to her. She drives me nuts but I love her. And she may have horrid bad sides, but I have yet to meet a woman with all her good sides too. *I'm nailing her bad sides one at a time, that's growth in marriage no?*


Seriously?

If this is how you really feel, no doubt you want to hide the real 'you' from her. She'd be gone in a heartbeat, once she realizes you are simply all about you and you consider HER the problem.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dude,

It is worth noting that my wife is a member here and is an active poster from time to time.

And, no, I won't out her.

There's be way too many sympathy cards sent her way.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'll say it again- move the main thread to the private section


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It's individual counseling not marriage counseling. Tell her to find her own online counselor.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Turnera

As I have mentioned, I have already shared most of my feelings, but I don't want her to know ALL my thoughts, nor do I want to lose this forum as my outlet for random vents/advice.

And since when did I hid my own flaws from our issues? And is it really that wrong to hide certain thoughts from her? 

Now this is another reason why I don't want her to read all my posts either; she may get me the wrong way like you have. There's no tone of voice in a forum, just words.

@Conrad

I thought about it, but will they help me lie by also lying that they've been talking to me for since december?

@Almostrecovered

Well I have quite a few threads you know =/

@Chapparal

But how to satisfy her curiouscity at the same time?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You never know until you ask.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My experience with counsellors so far will be that they will most likely be going "Why must you lie" "You must tell the truth" etc etc and all the by-the-book crap which is great but not applicable for this situation! But it's 2nd last resort, any other options?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Find a different forum (There are several. Sign up. Tell her you don't post but just read.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Update
Well, she didn't let me go easily, but it looks like things are settled...

At first she wondered why I find it so difficult and got suspicious, using her own transparency telling me that she has nothing to hide and that I do, and that she's beginning to wonder if everything I said to her during our prior debate was even genuine - and if she should even take it to heart when I "act like this"... I just can't compromise...

I told her it's IC hence it's for me alone and I need my privacy in this and that I'm being transparent already by telling her what I'm doing. I told her I didn't want to tell her this because she might try to dig things up - like now! Then I showed her a random online marital counselling site and told her that's what I do (Straight out lie - I hate it).

I guess she was kinda tired of fighting with me over it so she accepted it. But it felt wrong, I lie by omission or misdirection but such a straight out lie to the missus, even a white lie, makes me feel like sh-t. It could have ended there and there but I don't know what came over me but I couldn't take it and told her I just lied. She asked me what it really is then...

I asked her to make a promise that she might not be able to keep, she was abit scared actually. But I told her if she breaks that promise she will rob me of one of my outlets which I need unless she wants to bear all my vomit, and not only that, but rob me of the help that I've recieved so far. I just asked her not to dig me up. She hesitantly promised, but since I was being honest with her she told me she can't promise that she wouldn't ask me to dig it up for her however.

I was content with that, so I warned her, that if she feels offended or misunderstands, that she comes to me straight away, and then I told her about using a marriage forum... she was like "that's it?!" kinda annoyed that I got her all stressed out like it's some big secret that may spell doom for our marriage and then I just tell her I go on a marriage forum.

I printed out a few threads for her to read, the recent ones. Soon after, she asked me for everything. I reminded her of her promise, not to dig it up, just as she respects my privacy with RL IC she must respect my privacy in this. She tells me to trust her, but she's still going to pester me until I give her what she wants, and that I should know how stubborn she is. I smiled, I guess her honesty made me trust her so I printed out some more.

I left her alone to read and took a deep breath in my man-cave. Later she came and told me it's nothing I haven't told her, and that she's happy that I've been honest with her, and thanked me for trusting her. She seems content that what I've been telling her isn't something I just throw at her now though, and is taking me more seriously. I guess it's good in a way, she wants to sort out a few things though, won't tell me what but she seems a lot happier.

I told her that even though sometimes I don't show it, and even during tough times, she's always on my mind. She seems to believe it now too, her eyes were a bit watery lol I'm taking her out for a nice dinner tonight, think we may have made a breakthrough.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I'm glad it finally got sorted out this is actually an issue I'm dealing with H about right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

See. Rule number one.

Never be afraid of your woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> But it felt wrong, I lie by omission or misdirection but such a straight out lie to the missus, even a white lie, makes me feel like sh-t.


That's what I was trying to tell you.



RandomDude said:


> I asked her to make a promise that she might not be able to keep, she was abit scared actually. But I told her if she breaks that promise she will rob me of one of my outlets which I need unless she wants to bear all my vomit, and not only that, but rob me of the help that I've recieved so far. I just asked her not to dig me up. She hesitantly promised, but since I was being honest with her she told me she can't promise that she wouldn't ask me to dig it up for her however.
> 
> I was content with that, so I warned her, that if she feels offended or misunderstands, that she comes to me straight away, and then I told her about using a marriage forum... she was like "that's it?!" kinda annoyed that I got her all stressed out like it's some big secret that may spell doom for our marriage and then I just tell her I go on a marriage forum.
> 
> ...


Amazing! I am SO proud of you for telling the truth. And look at how it is strengthening your relationship. Radical Honesty - so important.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

btw, be prepared for it to come back at some time. Right now, she's just relieved it's not something worse. But she'll still be thinking about it. Promise each other that you will use one hour a week to talk to each other where you can be completely honest and NOT jump up to defend yourself, but just sit there and listen. It is so helpful.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Erm, we talk to each other pretty much every day, and quite often. Sometimes good stuff other times fun stuff other times playing pranks other times fighting lol

I don't know, I'm really relying on a string to hold a ton at the moment. She promised not to dig up, but I'm sure the temptation is there and it's strong. Still I know she has a lot of willpower (which can be annoying! But fun to poke!)

Speaking of which, I was thinking of playing a game with her by telling her that I wrote something really funny about her on the forum and then not telling her what it is yet still reminding her of the promise she made (and with the promise, along with her using her own honesty and transparency against me - I can flip those to MY advantage hehe) so she'll go all bonkers lol! 

But of course I don't think I want to test her willpower in such a manner heh - just a passing thought. I guess I don't mind it when she goes bonkers on my terms - like when I'm pranking her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Dude,
> 
> It is worth noting that my wife is a member here and is an active poster from time to time.
> 
> ...


Hi Mrs Conrad I have a crush on your man ;}}

Does being transparent mean that you have to tell your spouse every thought that comes into your head? I don't think so. 

I think there should be no secrets but there should be privacy. It's OK to have random crazy thoughts that you don't want to share with your spouse or anyone you know. Primal things that need filtering and self understanding before spilling it on a loved one. the difference between being secretive and being private is that deception is at the seat of secrets and contemplation is at the seat of privacy. 

Random i think your posting here is like my husbands man cave in out garage. I don't bother anything in his space, it is no secret that it is his private area. I do walk around the area occationally and look at things but I don't touch, I can't help it. 

My husband knows I post here. At first he was against me reveal so much of my thoughts and felt that I should tell him my feelings and concern.I explained that this is like an interactive journal for me and it helps me to process things from the past. I talk to him about the forum and the things I learned. 

I think revealing to your wife that you have what amounts to a private journal and you can share the info with her but you want to keep it private. I also think that she would know that there are consequences for betrayal the privacy of your spouse and that is she cannot be trusted. 

Random you seem to lack even the basic boundaries with your wife. I think you should under no circumstances show her the forum. You should let her know you post because that should not be a secret. She may get angry and aggressive about not being able to read but that is her fault, she can't be trusted with your private info. She is the person who should have your back not tear you down. This issue I think is emblematic of her invasion of you - everyone needs privacy, everyone needs to own their body and not feel it is being used. You have to decide where you end and she begins. You are not an amalgamation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

You can maybe explain that this place is like your diary or journal. And as a journal, she wouldn't want you in hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, she knows very well she will no longer have the power over me if she betrays that promise. And she knows I'm sharp with my instincts, even if I'm actually quite stupid compared to her (I'm a wise idiot and she's a smart fool!).

But for peace of mind I guess I can tell her that this place is like my journal. I haven't told her about this forum in particular but it's going to be easy for her to find if she wants; type in "marriage counselling forum" and click the first link, and WALLA (lol)

As for boundaries it would be easier if she has her own secrets but she doesn't keep any from me, and she also grew out of journal writing, and she never cheated; therefore she has a distinct moral and intellectual advantage over me. Speaking of which, this is almost embarrassing by calling this forum my "journal" as it's meant to be a lady's thing! Regardless she's respecting her promise so far it seems.

As for her nymphomania, it seems to be calming down... well, not really actually - may have to test this... but she's been teasing and flirting and playing with me so I'll wait until she doesn't tease or flirt before I turn her down again - and see if she will still chuck her hissy fits.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

RD - TAM is NOT the same as a councellor. No one in their right mind would share a lot of this stuff to a real therapist if they knew that everything was going to be written down and easily attributed to them personally and directly, for a very long time. I think that even those on here whose spouses come on here too probaly 'edit' what they post knowing it will be read. And, the idea of therapy is to be completely honest with the therapist to 'get things out.' If one could do that with their SO, you wouldn't need a therapist.

The only thing is to tell the truth. The past few weeks there was an unusually high number of solar flares that have irretrievable destroyed all the servers from your 'online therapy' sessions. You would think with today's technology that could never happen.

Good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> As for boundaries it would be easier if she has her own secrets but she doesn't keep any from me, and she also grew out of journal writing, and she never cheated; therefore she has a distinct moral and intellectual advantage over me.
> 
> Speaking of which, this is almost embarrassing by calling this forum my "journal" as it's meant to be a lady's thing! Regardless she's respecting her promise so far it seems.


Randon - where does this thought come from? :scratchhead: Who in your life told you that when you make a mistake and atone for it, you are permanently morally tainted?

Cheating does deeply hurt the one you love but you have resolved never to hurt her again and you have atoned for it. That wipes the slate clean in terms of morals because your morals are right where they should be now. 

Could it be that you feel this way because of your childhood and the way you were treated by the people who should have loved you? If so, I can identify with you. I had a bad childhood, not as abusive as yours but bad enough to make me feel unworthy. 

I have had to lean to see the good in myself. It is difficult to do when the people who should, above everyone in your life, find their own creation easy to love. My kid mind said if they cant love me, I must be pretty bad. 

Of course, nothing was wrong with me. They were too busy playing out their marital problems. They saw no problem with bringing 4 kids into a dysfunctional situation and practically ignoring them except for food, housing, and education. 

No matter what I did, I could not get them to love me enough to give me the concerned attention that a normal parent should give. 

But that is not my fault. They missed out on the chance to parent me and my sister and brothers. I think parenting carries one of the greatest joys in life. Too bad for them. 

Could this me underlying some of your problems?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good point. Best to learn and understand WHY you do what you do. And your spouse as well.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well she has forgiven me but I don't expect her to forget (and she hasn't), it will always be tainted while she continues her flawless record. Just how it is unfortunately.


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Well she has forgiven me but I don't expect her to forget (and she hasn't), it will always be tainted while she continues her flawless record. Just how it is unfortunately.


Just how it is, unfortunately? Random, I feel like you're in an endless cycle of posts here. I really wish the best for you, but I think that you're gonna drive yourself insane by just accepting your current situation and your wife's behavior. I'm pullin for ya!


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