# I want to Brag



## Blank (Apr 15, 2012)

We have been happily married for 18 years.

Since past 4 years, I am staying alone in different place- for job.

the sex is almost non-existent- (all put together may be 20 to 25 times, over a span of 4 years, when I went home on vacations)

We do love each other and talk everyday after work. (of course we do fight as well over phone/ Skype)

Agreed, its mainly due to constraints/ necessity/ economic reasons etc etc..... but is it not something of an achievement?


You may say- I am failure, Blame me for neglecting my husband duties. envy me for getting such a sacrificing wife, what ever...

Please let me know your honest reaction. 

How would you rate our relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?

Maybe, you will rate me at low and her at high score. You can do that. 

Just curious about your reactions.. Where do we stand in todays world?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Curious as to why you don't live together. Can you relocate to be with your wife? Your marital happiness on both ends would certainly go up as your odds of staying married.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why do you care about our opinions?

Personally, I'd rate it at about a 2. Not a relationship I'd want at all. But if it works for you, that's all that matters.

C


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If you are happy, it doesn't matter what others think.

But I think after reading on TAM, we all wonder if we are doing a good enough job. I am blown away by some of the things I read on SIM.

For us, sex 20-25 times in four years would not cut it. But if it works for you, more power to you.


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## Blank (Apr 15, 2012)

over20 said:


> Curious as to why you don't live together. Can you relocate to be with your wife? Your marital happiness on both ends would certainly go up as your odds of staying married.


Yes, I will relocate, once we reach our target. 
Its a compromise till then. Both of us are doing our best to cope up.




PBear said:


> Why do you care about our opinions?
> 
> Personally, I'd rate it at about a 2. Not a relationship I'd want at all. But if it works for you, that's all that matters.
> 
> C


I care about your opinions - because I want to know what constitutes a relationship? 

You rated it at 2, yes, apparently its almost no relationship, but don't you think deep inside we do have some connection, some relationship?


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## Blank (Apr 15, 2012)

MissFroggie said:


> Maybe you should be asking your wife how she rates your marriage on a scale of 1-10 rather than us. You'd get a much better idea of whether you deserve a pat on the back or not.



LOL, I know what her rating is.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Let's put it this way. I could never in a million years have a marriage like that - especially if kids are involved. Better to have less and be together than to be prosperous and basically have no marriage (like you do). JMHO.

ETA, don't know either of you well enough to rate you two as people, but your relationship rates as a 1 in my book. You two are basically friends with benefits.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Blank, you sound like you may be foreign. I know in some countries, it is common for couples to live separately for a while to earn enough money to start a family. Americans are not going to understand this. Our economic situations are too different.

Try not to judge your situation against others. TAM can be rough that way. Not one of us has exactly the same opportunities. 

Just try to be happy, and to make your wife happy, too. You two are in it together.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Blank said:


> I care about your opinions - because I want to know what constitutes a relationship?


What constitutes a relationship for me may not be relevant to you and/or your wife.

And, frankly, if you don't know what constitutes a relationship by now you may want to discuss this with your wife rather than a bunch of internet strangers.

Seriously.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm curious why you want others to rate your relationship. If this is typical for your culture and your wife is agreeable to it, who are we to rate whether this is a good marriage or not. You and your wife know if you have a strong, stable marriage. I noticed in some other post you said you live in Dubai. Do you want people to rate your marriage so you can laugh at them for their western ways?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

MissFroggie said:


> Did you ask her or are you guessing?
> 
> I still don't understand why you want US to rate it?
> 
> I have a 10/10 relationship with my cat - *he doesn't poop in the house, he doesn't scratch the furniture, he comes for cuddles when I call him* and he catches rodents and brings them to me as gifts. I couldn't ask for a better cat. Do I need others to rate him? No, that would be mean because he already has 10/10 so why ask people who might say he's only a 7? He might get upset and sulk...poor lil kitty!


:scratchhead: Are you sure that's a cat?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> I'm curious why you want others to rate your relationship. If this is typical for your culture and your wife is agreeable to it, who are we to rate whether this is a good marriage or not. You and your wife know if you have a strong, stable marriage. I noticed in some other post you said you live in Dubai. Do you want people to rate your marriage so you can laugh at them for their western ways?


I think sometimes people from some cultures rate themselves against Westerners, in that they are trying to live up to Western ideals.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel as Plan 9 from OS's post above ....

As a wife, I could *never* be that sacrificial, I'd be going on out my mind needing to touch my husband, missing his presence .... Skype wouldn't cut it...screw the Job...I'd rather be together every night under the covers...and we'd both work menial jobs to get by.....

... I am always amazed at the couples who can stand to be apart that much.. I'm just not one of them....just thinking about it - makes me .

But ya know...everyone is different.... if it works for you, then it's OK...God Bless you !....Don't worry about what others think....

IF, however, you are sad & lonely, longing for each other...and there is a way to get you in the same place to live out your lives...enjoying each other... I sure feel THAT would be worth fighting for !


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Blank said:


> Yes, I will relocate, once we reach our target.
> Its a compromise till then. Both of us are doing our best to cope up.
> 
> 
> ...


Sure, you've got a connection and a relationship. Just like I do, with my brother who I only see twice a year. Doesn't mean it's a marriage that I'd want to be any part of. If I get married again, it's going to be to a person that I want to see every day. I want to be able to do things with her. I want to be able to snuggle into bed with her at night. Not someone I talk to on the phone every night, and get to see 4 or 5 times a year. 

Again though... If it works for you, knock yourself out. You just asked for my opinion, and I gave it.

BTW, long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain for a long period of time. And in particular, they're at a higher risk for infidelity (in my opinion). So you both need to be on guard for that, in yourselves and in your partner.

C


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Blank said:


> Please let me know your honest reaction.
> 
> How would you rate our relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?


I need to read the PI report before I can issue a relationship rating.


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## Blank (Apr 15, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Do you want people to rate your marriage so you can laugh at them for their western ways?


No, seriously, I do not want to laugh at anyone. 
(I believe, if I do that today, it would be my turn tomorrow)



Thanks all for your views. 

Definitely, I do have a broader view now. 

I need to work out some plans- soon.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Are both of you being faithful while you are apart? That would also play into the rating. If one of you is having to get needs met by and OP or OP's while you are apart, then I'd say your relationship is a "0"

If you are both being faithful, it could be a 1-10. Sometimes life necessitates temporary periods of separation. If you remain that way, by choice, the rating goes down fast.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> Are both of you being faithful while you are apart? That would also play into the rating. If one of you is having to get needs met by and OP or OP's while you are apart, then I'd say your relationship is a "0"
> 
> If you are both being faithful, it could be a 1-10. *Sometimes life necessitates temporary periods of separation. * If you remain that way, by choice, the rating goes down fast.


For 4 years? Is he fighting in a war that is keeping away from his wife? No? Then it's bullsh!t. They like the separation and there is no marriage here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am confused by your post.

You say you want to brag about being married so long but then you contradict yourself by asking people to rate your marriage on a scale of 1 to 10 like ti's a science project that can be quantified. Like you want someone to validate your marriage for you. Like you are seeking approval or something.

Which to me, comes across that you perhaps do not believe your own "bragging" words by doing this.

A lot of people would not brag about a sexless marriage where they never see their spouse. Just saying.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Blank said:


> No, seriously, I do not want to laugh at anyone.
> (I believe, if I do that today, it would be my turn tomorrow)
> 
> 
> ...


Why would you change things based on what we've said? If you and your wife are happy with things the way they are, knock yourself out. If you're not, fix them. As JB says, your post implies you think you have something to brag about. Why would our opinions change that?

I do know that one of my ex co-workers had a job that kept her away from home for extended periods of time. Like on the road 3 weeks of a given month, without coming back on weekends. She did that for a number of years, before eventually deciding to change roles so she could be home. Within a year, she and her husband were divorced. They liked each other fine when the only saw each other a few days a month. But they could no longer live together. Not sure if there was infidelity involved as well... I wasn't that close to her.

C


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> For 4 years? Is he fighting in a war that is keeping away from his wife? No? Then it's bullsh!t. They like the separation and there is no marriage here.


He said he's in Dubai so that makes me think he's there for work. Some people go to the Middle East to make $$ in a short time. I had an uncle who went to Kuwait for a bunch of years because the pay was so much better. Women from the Phillipines and other countries in Asia go to the Middle East to be domestic helpers although I don't think the OP is one. It's possible he has some contract that requires him to stay a certain number of years in the Middle East. Maybe it's too expensive to fly back to his home country. Just speculating here...maybe the OP will fill in the details.


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## Blank (Apr 15, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your views/ comments. 

Some were insightful and some were hurting. 

One thing I need to make very clear is both of us are faithful. We do have a beautiful relationship and a beautiful marriage. 

Next thing is- as JB pointed out, why should I brag? Is it that at subconscious level I do have anxiety/ fear about stretching it too far?

Maybe. As it stands, its beautiful for both of us. 

I thought of getting your views and asked you to rate, to know if you can believe that such a marriage can exist at all ! 

Yes, it does exist. Believe me. 

When you put your 100% heart, you don't need anything else in your marriage.

Next- We would be together by June/ July. So, we have to pull just a few months more. After that its a reward time


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