# I feel like I am stuck with no options



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

So Here is my story - it's long  I have been married 5 years and have two wonderful children. My marriage has been heading downhill almost from the start but I have always wanted it to be better and have been willing to work on it. This past year has been terrible. We barely spoke to each other aside from the routine and about the children. No sex or any kind of intimacy. I discovered my wife was having an affair back in June. The 13th to be exact. With a doctor that she works with - a married man. I knew in my heart it was going on for a while, but did not want to confront her without proof. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Well, I was able to get access to her phone, which she kept password protected all the time. There were hundreds of texts, emails etc. Pictures and videos. Extremely graphic content. She did things with this other man that she NEVER did with me. It had been going on for at least seven months. I was disgusted, and heartbroken.

When I confronted her with it, she acted like I was crazy for breaking into her phone at first. Soon after, she became apologetic and told me she was lost, confused and lonely. I told her I would forgive her and commit 100% to our marriage if she ended the affair with no further contact. She agreed, but the next day she went to see him. When I caught her, she said she needed closure. And so, I agreed again that we would work on the marriage. We went to a counselor a few times, with very little progress. We went back and forth alot, fighting, threatening, crying - on a daily basis. All the while, I felt like the affair was still going on. Early in September, we reached a point where she told me that she could never forgive herself enough to repair the marriage, and that it was over. This was two days before my birthday. I was a total wreck. I broke down in tears every day on an almost hourly basis. I couldn't work, eat, sleep. I was just a total mess. I went to the doctor and got depression meds,and began to concentrate on pulling myself together. 

We are barely skimming by and cannot afford lawyers and such, which has been an excuse for neither of us to act for the past two months. So I have been doing the 180. Barely any unnecessary contact. I have been working out like crazy, lost about 30 pounds and I'm more muscular than I think Iv'e ever been. So I was pretty sure that she was still seeing this man, but again had no proof. At this point I really did not care too much either way. But still, here I am, stuck. I am afraid to just leave - thus risking 50/50 joint custody of our children. This is something I will never give up, which I have expressed to her. And If I find the money to have a lawyer draw up papers, she can just refuse to sign them. So all I can do is sit tight and wait it out it seems. 

So little by little over the past couple of weeks, she starts making these advances, like doing random nice things for me. Subtly showing me maybe there is hope of reconciliation. But I was very guarded. She asked me if I wanted to go to a counselor with her. I said, sure - set it up. Some friends told me I should give her a chance, but it didn't seem right. So I began again trying to get into her phone and email, I wanted to make sure I was right and not passing on a real chance here. Soon enough I discovered that not only was the affair still happening, but they were discussing (among the disgusting sex chat) me, and her progress with getting me to start to talk and interact with her again. They were talking about her deleting everything on her phone so she could unlock it and leave it unattended, and also new ways for them to stay in contact with each other. 

So around this same time, she tells me it's over with him and shes going to unlock her phone and she wants to see a counselor. I told her I know that shes full of crap and still seeing him and the only way I will consider it would be if she called him and hands me the phone. So she agreed to that, several hours later, after warning him. When I spoke to him on the phone, I told him that If he contacts her in any way, that I would send all his disgusting texts, emails, and videos his wife, and anyone else i wanted to. I did this to end the affair, even if it does not result in saving my marriage. My wife is obsessed with this married man, and my children need a mom, not what she has become.

I told my wife, that was the first step, and I would see a counselor. But the more I thought about that exchange where it seemed like they were planning to "stop all communication" but secretly still keep it going - the more it still did not make sense. That just seems too crazy, even for her. It feels like a set up. She wants me to let my guard down for some reason.

Just an hour ago, I went to ask her if she called any counselors, and I notice she is texting and smiling, but her phone is sitting in the kitchen. I ask, what are you doing, and she says nothing, and shoves what looks like yet another phone into her pocket. Unbelievable. So I confront her with my feelings on this and tell her i feel like I'm being played. And I tell her I warned him, and he will soon be exposed. She said he would sue me/us if I send all his stuff to his wife. I obtained it illegally she says. The fact is, I obtained it using her password that i guessed. I'm not sure if he would have a case or not.

And so, finally I ask, why are we doing this - lets just figure out a way to divorce and handle it like a pair of adults. She agreed, but she has many times before. And I feel like 2 months from now, six months, a year from now - I will still be stuck. 

God it feels good to say it all at once. If anyone has any advise, I could really use it.

Thanks to everyone


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

For what it's worth, he's not going to sue and make it all public. That would just drag this all out in to the public eye. 

If there's documentable proof, I would send it to his wife. After all, you would want to know if it was you.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> For what it's worth, he's not going to sue and make it all public. That would just drag this all out in to the public eye.
> 
> If there's documentable proof, I would send it to his wife. After all, you would want to know if it was you.


Yes let the wife know please.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You can file for D and end it once and for all. Why haven't you?


----------



## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

File for divorce and expose it to his wife. He can't sue you and win for telling her the truth.

Seriously, why would you want to stay with someone that is disrespecting you so badly.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Make sure you save all the texts and videos


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

For heavens sake do not tell her any of your plans, it only helps then get in your way contacting his wife. By he is likely checking her email, fb, and phone to intercept you, and he's likely told her sone story about the crazy husband of a woman at work,

You blew it by not exposing months ago. Your big mistake was thinking you could threaten and negotiate your wife back into being a wife.

Ok, new plan,

Stop talking to your wife. Stop threatening exposure,stop tellinger your plans.

Get all your evidence and make three copies of it,

First copy goes some place safe. Like your office at work, your grand mothers basement etc. 

Second copy gets given to the OMW, but not by you. Have a trusted female friend hand it to her personally. Find the OM home address and have the friend got , introduce herself explain the situation and hand it over.

There won't be any lawsuits. He will be too busy saving his butt.

The third one you keep and share with your lawyer.

You need a good lawyer. Do you live in an alienation of affection state? If so go after the doctor. He'll have nice deep pockets of cash to go after.

Carry a var on you and record everything your wife threatens you with. Don't mention the var just record away.

Secure money. Your paycheck goes into a private bank account.

Cancel joint CC and put a credit watch on yourself and your wife.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Many others will chime in with great advice but for starters, I would read through the stickies posted at the top of this forum. LOTS of good information and guidance there.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Between the teachers and people in the medical field:wtf: unreal the amount of infidelity!


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Expose him to his wife yestertady. Destroy this man's world. Get a hold on his FB friends. Expose him to everybody. Don't treaten him more, don't contact him more. He can't do anything to you. 
Do it NOW.

Expose!


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And stop trying to negotiate with a proven liar. You are just going to keep getting the same results over and over.

You keep trying to play gentle softball when they keep on walking all over you. Time to stand up and act.

Oh, and post the doctor on cheaterville.com that way when patients google him, they'll find out what he's all about.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Thank you so much everyone for responding so quickly!

I Spoke to a lawyer months ago. He told me my best option was to sit tight. I was literally about to buy the company I work for a week before I found out. Which i did not do. She makes more money than me. About 20,000 more. So I am entitled to alimony and child support if I want it. So his advise was to wait until she agrees to do it amicably, and not just serve her papers that she would not sign. 

As for exposing him, it's a bit complicated. His wife does not live with him currently. she is also a doctor, and also in the military. Sh is( I think ) currently stationed in D.C. Not sure when she will be returning. He got into her facebook a while ago and made it so messaging her is impossible. The only way that I can think to contact her is to message a family member on Facebook. I am a bit scared of doing that.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

your marriage is dead. And there is no hope. file for divorce and expose the affair to his wife and hospital authorities.

how old are the kids?


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> As for exposing him, it's a bit complicated. His wife does not live with him currently. she is also a doctor, and also in the military. Sh is( I think ) currently stationed in D.C. Not sure when she will be returning. He got into her facebook a while ago and made it so messaging her is impossible. The only way that I can think to contact her is to message a family member on Facebook. I am a bit scared of doing that.


Do that. Use what ever you need to find her number and call her. Gezz hire a PI if you need. Spend a few bucks.

Don't hesitate. To kill this forever is the main priority.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Is you wife also military?
Is MOM military?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> Thank you so much everyone for responding so quickly!
> 
> I Spoke to a lawyer months ago. He told me my best option was to sit tight. I was literally about to buy the company I work for a week before I found out. Which i did not do. She makes more money than me. About 20,000 more. So I am entitled to alimony and child support if I want it. So his advise was to wait until she agrees to do it amicably, and not just serve her papers that she would not sign.
> 
> As for exposing him, it's a bit complicated. His wife does not live with him currently. she is also a doctor, and also in the military. Sh is( I think ) currently stationed in D.C. Not sure when she will be returning. He got into her facebook a while ago and made it so messaging her is impossible. The only way that I can think to contact her is to message a family member on Facebook. I am a bit scared of doing that.


Don't be scared just do it she has a right to know!


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you can't expose directly to his wife, then expose to the world around him and word will get to his wife.

Your lawyers advice stinks. Siting back living in a marriage with an one cheater robs you of your soul and teaches your kids to avoid dealing with problems.

Get a much better and mire aggressive lawyer. 

When you file, see about naming the dear doctor in the suit.

Is the doctor military? Make sure you contact his command , it will not be kind to him.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> If you can't expose directly to his wife, then expose to the world around him and word will get to his wife.
> 
> Your lawyers advice stinks. Siting back living in a marriage with an one cheater robs you of your soul and teaches your kids to avoid dealing with problems.
> 
> ...


Yes expose to everyone but please do NOT tell her.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, don't even talk to your wife any more. Everything coming out of her mouth is a lie.

You're not thinking about reconciling, are you??


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tom67 said:


> Yes expose to everyone but please do NOT tell her.


Yeah, you need to go completely silent with your wife.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You also say its been rough from the start,this might not be her first affair.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You also say its been rough from the start,this might not be her first affair.


You may want to DNA the 2 kids I'm afraid.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

I'm certain this is the first affair and our kids are mine -even if this is the only thing I'm certain of. This stuff is all very hard to hear but thank you.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

If the OM's wife is military, she has a military email address. Do you know the branch?

I believe most branches have transitioned to mail.mil.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You never answered. 

Is OM in the military?

Is your wife in the military?

If so, exposure to the base commander or each of their superior officers is the way to go.

They will drop a ton of bricks on him if she is under his command.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Sorry, no. Only his wife is in the military, I don't know which branch. All I know is she is an ob-gyn.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Try [email protected]. Worst case scenario is that it bounces back. 

You can also call the local bases and advise you're doing an employment verification for that person. They'll confirm/deny employment with that branch.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You also need to get yourself STD tested. Maybe you should go and see one of the drs that works with your wife and tell them EXACTLY why you're there.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

TCSRedhead said:


> Try [email protected]. Worst case scenario is that it bounces back.
> 
> You can also call the local bases and advise you're doing an employment verification for that person. They'll confirm/deny employment with that branch.


Look for 

[email protected], @navy.mil, @usaf.mil.

If you know the branch of service, go to their website. They will have a "contact us" link that will give you the correct "@XXXX.mil" address.

Some are also using "@xxxxx.gov" but most military is still .mil.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Expose this affair to every one.

Beside the good doctor can't sue you for slander, cuz its all true.

Even if he does sue you whats he going to take? maybe you broke some civil codes but at this point who gives a damb. The attention the case will bring will not be worth it to him....he can go find someother married chick that isn't as much trouble.

Another thing the last thing OM wants is this to go public. Going to court to sue you is not the best way to keep it from the public.

Right now work on finding his wife and give her the proof. In the mean time contact her family and ask them for there support in your marriage, but until there daughter/ sister stop sleeping with another man you will continue to head for divorce.

Contact your family and beg, barrow and steal the money to file for divorce. 

Exposing and filing for divorce just might get her to turn a corner and start being the mother she needs to be. See, with out consequences this affair will continue and you will infact be stuck.

So man up get your self unstuck and go nuclear on this affair. Let the POS sue you, tell your wife "you welcome the attention her affair will finally get".


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You made the mistake that many make, so don't feel bad. You believed your wife. 
She wants both and feels entitled to that. It doesn't really matter anymore how you feel .It does not matter about your kids. She wants this and you have not yet said a definitive no.
You give a definitive no by exposing her, by refusing MC You do nothing for her. You remove your friendship. 

Does she fly into absolute rage when you challenge her? 
Does she become distressed and angry when discovered?

She is doing nice things for you to pull you back into the drama. You important to the affair. As soon as you start showing any signs of detaching she will start this behavior.


I want you to stand from all this a little and ask yourself a few questions.
1. Have you ever said any definitive no to her in your relationship. If you have, did this start recently?

2. Did you always end up apologizing for whatever was wrong before?
3. Do you feel like you put a lot into this relationship and that input is not being recognized.

I ask these questions because the one you may have to face is that you married a selfish person . The affair may have tipped her over into full blown narcissism and that my friend is something you can not win.

You must start to protect yourself. The 180 is not enough. 
You need to NOT ENGAGE with her at any level on relationships . There is no "Until it is over" No talk of MC. No checking up on her. Nothing. 

You give nothing. This will be very hard for you. Very, very hard .She will use everything she knows about you to attack you. It will hurt, because it is meant to hurt and you need to see it.

For me. I found that rather than detaching from the person attacking I detached from myself, and took a third party view of the situation. Listen to what she says, but remember this.
whatever she says is just her opinion. You do not have to take it on
Divorce her. Don't wait for her to sign. She won't because she is getting exactly what she wants. If it is no fault then you draw up a plan in writing. Everything in writing. Everything. 

You will do alright from the Divorce because she thinks your stupid. Let her think that and re-focus your energy on getting this toxic waste out of your life and protecting your kids. 

Ask her to leave the house to continue her "new relationship".
Do not call it an affair. She has chosen and now you are detached. Remember.

Agree to 50/50. No more, no less. 

Get your finances in order, as if she had died.

Get into IC! Don't tell her. 

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. You may recognize yourself.

This is a rough ride for all sorts of reasons but you need to do it on your own. Don't worry about the future and a new love at the moment. Today is the first day that you work towards your freedom. 
You are being abused. End it.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

I wish I came here five months ago. Thank you all.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

can we now change your user name to *un* stuck-spouse? LOL


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Ha! I guess it is a poor screen name choice as it has an expiration.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh and if you haven't already put a VAR in her car to catch them talking,


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this 
Exposure 101
The 180 degree rules
No More Mr Nice Guy
Just Let Them Go


----------



## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

stuck-spouse said:


> I'm certain this is the first affair and our kids are mine -even if this is the only thing I'm certain of. This stuff is all very hard to hear but thank you.


Sorry if I missed this earlier, but how do you know this? Hopefully not because she told you so. Certainty is pretty hard to come by around here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

@ing, 

That was awesome and well written. I'm living by that right now and it is *very* empowering to wriggle out from under the thumb of abuse and stand up to my STBXW.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Shamwow said:


> Sorry if I missed this earlier, but how do you know this? Hopefully not because she told you so. Certainty is pretty hard to come by around here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well they both look exactly like me for one thing. The other is, I know the same way I knew she was having an affair almost right when it started. Unfortunately, my gut wasn't enough of a reason for me to accuse her at the time. That won't happen ever again. It's a shame but my trust for people in general is at an all time low and may never fully recover.


----------



## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I would bring it to his wife on a personal visit, then crack his head with wifes phone, and tell him, "sue me now" but thats me, lol.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Exposé far and wide. In other words go nuclear on both of them. 

They ruined your and your kids lives, future, never go easy on them. Make sure they face the harshest consequences for ruining your family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

A PI can run down OM's wife in about 2 hours if you have name and rank.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Are you going to take action ???

Well if you want respect, sometime you have to NOT be a nice guy.

NOW, pay close attention to this 
" YOU have to be ready to end your marriage sometime to save it "
AND this " Your old marriage is DEAD, she killed it !! If the two of you go forward, you will have to build a NEW marriage. "

Do you live in a no fault state ?? If so, her signing or not makes no difference. If you file all she can do is contest it. That will mean her getting up on the stand and having her business out there.

As has been said, man the hell up !!!
Common sense should tell you he don't want this public.

You need to expose her to ya'll families and friends. You said they work together. Private practice or hospital ?? 
If a hospital, go expose him there and file a complaint with the lmed board.

As for him making it so no msg's get to his wife. Why can't you just post on her public page for all to see. Bet that will get to her quickly.

You do NOT have time for being scared or thinking of R/ing with wifey.
Your job now is to expose to shine light on these ****roaches.
And just like I called them, watch them scramble to cover their asses.


----------



## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> Well they both look exactly like me for one thing. The other is, I know the same way I knew she was having an affair almost right when it started. Unfortunately, my gut wasn't enough of a reason for me to accuse her at the time. That won't happen ever again. It's a shame but my trust for people in general is at an all time low and may never fully recover.


I am a WW but truly am doing everything to save my marriage, I am confused if she doesn't want to work 100% on your relationship why not have left? Or leave now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> So Here is my story - it's long  I have been married 5 years and have two wonderful children. My marriage has been heading downhill almost from the start but I have always wanted it to be better and have been willing to work on it. This past year has been terrible. We barely spoke to each other aside from the routine and about the children. No sex or any kind of intimacy. I discovered my wife was having an affair back in June. The 13th to be exact. With a doctor that she works with - a married man. I knew in my heart it was going on for a while, but did not want to confront her without proof. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Well, I was able to get access to her phone, which she kept password protected all the time. There were hundreds of texts, emails etc. Pictures and videos. Extremely graphic content. She did things with this other man that she NEVER did with me. It had been going on for at least seven months. I was disgusted, and heartbroken.
> 
> When I confronted her with it, she acted like I was crazy for breaking into her phone at first. Soon after, she became apologetic and told me she was lost, confused and lonely. I told her I would forgive her and commit 100% to our marriage if she ended the affair with no further contact. She agreed, but the next day she went to see him. When I caught her, she said she needed closure. And so, I agreed again that we would work on the marriage. We went to a counselor a few times, with very little progress. We went back and forth alot, fighting, threatening, crying - on a daily basis. All the while, I felt like the affair was still going on. Early in September, we reached a point where she told me that she could never forgive herself enough to repair the marriage, and that it was over. This was two days before my birthday. I was a total wreck. I broke down in tears every day on an almost hourly basis. I couldn't work, eat, sleep. I was just a total mess. I went to the doctor and got depression meds,and began to concentrate on pulling myself together.
> 
> ...



seems to me that the only reason you are stuck is because of you . your wife has , and is cheating on you . you know this and you stay with her . you give a bunch of reasons why you stay , but the fact is it is your choice to stay with her .

you do not want to share custody of your kids with her . that is exactly what you are doing with your choice of staying with her . and unless she has done something to harm them there is no reason that she should not share custody . they are her kids too , not just yours . 

you say you dont have the money for a divorce lawyer . not all divorce lawyers cost a fortune . there are plenty of agencies that help people get divorced who are in your situation . you can also file on your own . there are plenty of web sites that can tell you how to do this . 

im not sure if this applies where you live , but here in Pennsylvania neither the mother , nor the father actually have custody of their kids . either can file for custody in family court and a judge will decide physical custody . this also applies to separated couples not yet divorced . once separated the kids still have to live with one of you . petition the court for custody and they will decide .

bottom line is you are responsible for your decisions . you can blame her for her infidelity . you can not blame her for you sitting there and doing nothing to fix your situation .


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

This morning I sent this to his wife's mother and brother on facebook...

XXX,
I am so sorry to have to message you with this information, but I have no choice. XXX's husband, XXX is having an affair with my wife. He has been doing so since October or November of last year. He has blocked me from her facebook so I cannot tell her directly. She deserves to know. If you put her in contact with me I will tell her all the details she wants to know. She can call or text me at XXX.

I guess well see if I get a response.


----------



## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

Depending on where you live, filing first can make all the difference in child custody issues, especially if there are more than one venues to try the divorce. I got screwed by promising my STBXW that I would work with her like an adult. Not I will probably not even get 50/50 co-parenting time, but I will probably spend thousands of dollars fighting for what little I get. Find a way to see a divorce attorney NOW! It could save you ALOT of money in the long run.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

wtf2012 said:


> Depending on where you live, filing first can make all the difference in child custody issues, especially if there are more than one venues to try the divorce. I got screwed by promising my STBXW that I would work with her like an adult. Not I will probably not even get 50/50 co-parenting time, but I will probably spend thousands of dollars fighting for what little I get. Find a way to see a divorce attorney NOW! It could save you ALOT of money in the long run.


Just talk to her about the kids put vars in her car the bedroom and around the kitchen phone and gather intel.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> This morning I sent this to his wife's mother and brother on facebook...
> 
> XXX,
> I am so sorry to have to message you with this information, but I have no choice. XXX's husband, XXX is having an affair with my wife. He has been doing so since October or November of last year. He has blocked me from her facebook so I cannot tell her directly. She deserves to know. If you put her in contact with me I will tell her all the details she wants to know. She can call or text me at XXX.
> ...


Did you mention the video proof?


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You should make a trip to the hospital where this 'good' doctor works. Speak with the Hospital Administrator and let him/her know that the doctor and your wife are having an affair.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Remember, when confronting others always state " I'm asking for their support for both the marriages"...

This statement sounds less vandictive and shines a better light on you.

Your WW will get pissed and confront you about the exposure, stay calm and just keep repeating to her " until you stop all contact with the OM you have nothing to say".

As she continues to throw insults and threats at you keep saying the same thing over and over again..." untils you stop all contact with OM, I have nothing to say".

If your lucky and she offers to guit we job then take her up on it. Sure a finacial hardship, but no contact means no contact. Also guiting her job is just another consequences for sh1tting were she eats. Most likely this kind of thing won't happen until OM thrus your wife under the bus while getting confronted by his wife and tries to save his own marriage.


Any way let the exposure to its work and continue to contact OMW to compare noted about the affair. Keep looking for a way to contact OMW directly thru a home phone or work phone.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

the guy said:


> Remember, when confronting others always state " I'm asking for their support for both the marriages"...
> 
> This statement sounds less vandictive and shines a better light on you.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

I think you did the right thing no matter what the outcome u have done no wrong here. They did it they have to face the music. If your wife truly wants to work things out she will not be angry but understanding. I quietly say back as my husband spoke his mind to my ex husband when he decided to give me another chance. Although a month later he did the exact same thing to me I totally 
Think exposure is fair and should be welcomed by the WS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

Some well deserved payback is on its way.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

What to expect now? 
As the_guy says she will be incredibly angry with you. 
Do not engage or enter into any form of bargaining. This will be hard since you are used to doing this and ultimately giving way. She will expect this. and will become angrier than you have ever seen it. She will say the most hurtful things you have heard yet. 

There will be much talk of ownership. "You don't own me" What she really means is. " I own you, how dare you challenge me"
She will accuse you of being weak because this is how she will have painted you with her AP. If you can manage a smile and silence here, all kudos to you.

She will drag up crimes from so long ago that you have forgotten them. Some you will have no idea of. 
Then she will cry. She will cry so hard that you want to hold her. 
Don't.
Ask yourself. Has anything changed? Has she promised not to see him? Has she seen him for who he is?

Stand firm. The attacks will go on and on. If you really want to challenge her you can say "your so gorgeous when your angry" 
Watch her either twitch and increase attacks or turn on a penny and want you. 
All this is part of the script. Stand back, hold yourself strong for you and your children. 
Until you see remorse , and believe me, you will know it when you see it. There is no deal. 
Good words those.
"No Deal"


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Updates...

So My wife gave me an email address to contact the wife. It seemed legit. I recognized it from when I could still access her Facebook page. Of course, I was pretty sure this was an attempt at an intercept by the other man, as he most likely had access to that email. I sent an email anyway. The exchange was as follows...

XXX,
I am so sorry to have to contact you in this way with this information, but I no longer have any choice. XXX is having an affair with my wife. He has been doing so since October or November of last year and refuses to stop. It was going on the entire time and only lapsed for a short time, when he traveled with you to XXX for your wedding( they were already married, this was a ceremony for extended family abroad). I am so sorry I did not tell you sooner, I hope you will forgive me that huge mistake. If you will call or text me I will tell you everything. Phone#

The response…
XXX
thank you very much for this info, which XXX did not deny when I confronted him about it. Please don't take this the wrong way but at this point I do not want to talk to anybody about this or need more details. It will just make things worse for me.
I am very sorry about what he did to your family.*

XXX

my response…

I completely understand. Please just know that you are not alone. I am here if you need explanations about anything. I will most likely be able to answer any question you might have. It is my intention to garner support for both marriages, not to cause more pain.


I also messaged this response including what "she" wrote to me on her Facebook page, which was recently unlocked.

As I did not feel this was enough, I messaged her mother on Facebook as well…

XXX
Again, I am truly sorry to have to drag you into this. I sent XXX an email yesterday to an address that i think XXX may have intercepted in some way. I received a response. If you will please verify with me that the following was actually written by XXX, and not by XXX, You will never hear from me again...

and pasted the above exchange. This has got to get back to her now, don't you think?


----------



## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

I definitely think that's her husband. I mean, why on earth would your wife just say look here is her email go ahead and contact her.how dumb does she think you are? I'm sure she has no idea you contacted the family. That's the best thing you could have done! And its gonna blow up in their face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It's definitely not the OM's wife. What woman would NOT want details when slapped in the face with that kind of revelation?


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

*thank you very much for this info, which XXX did not deny when I confronted him about it. Please don't take this the wrong way but at this point I do not want to talk to anybody about this or need more details. It will just make things worse for me.
I am very sorry about what he did to your family.**


This response i can easy put my ball's on the table is 
Responded by OM him self.

Try to find the home/work adress and send it to his wife.
Where she has to sign for it.

I mean come on. Who would give such ICECOLD response back,
On infomation of this magnetude..Notice the"please dont take it the wrong way" Yep its OM alright.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Was the bogus email address provided by your STBXWW a military address?

What rank is this woman?

Have you done a search for her using name and rank?

You need to have a PI deliver the package unless you're dead set on divorce. If it's D, don't worry about it.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

It was OM definitely...
...what shines light in what's going on your wife's mind; further maniulation.
Drug addicts/unrepetant waywards handbook page 1.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I speak from experience on this. He intercepted and is trying to put a lid on it. 

I would still do the following. Contact the hospital HR. They do not want this stuff going on the DR will get jumped on. 

Tell everyone in your family and hers

As far as the OM's wife. You need to mail or fed ex signed receipt. He is at work all day right. Or if you know where he lives go see her.

File for Divorce right away.

Go to the hospital and ask for an STD test then tell the Doctor who your wife is and who the POS is.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It was the OM. My emails were intercepted for months. 

Get a new email address. He will almost certainly have marked yours for instant deletion and forwarding to him on receipt
Don't have a revealing subject line.

Do as people say. Get that message though. He will have told your wife all sorts of crap about his wife. She is protecting him against you. 
Sorry but this looks really bad. She has fallen in love with him and nothing else matters to her. Not your history, not your kids, nothing. 
YOU are the bad guy taking her happiness away.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Don't forget or overlook the fact that your wife is an accomplice in this email charade. Pull the plug.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Your wife is still playing you. she dont have a trace of remorse. A remorseless and uncaring cheater without any respect or love for her husband.

Expose to all, why you are caring for her when she dont even have a bit of respect for you?

Expose the doctor to the HR, through your attorney. He is definitely laughing at you for making you a fool. Dont give him much time to enjoy and feel proud of himself for making you and his wife a fool.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> Your wife is still playing you. she dont have a trace of remorse. A remorseless and uncaring cheater without any respect or love for her husband.
> 
> Expose to all, why you are caring for her when she dont even have a bit of respect for you?
> 
> Expose the doctor to the HR, through your attorney. He is definitely laughing at you for making you a fool. Dont give him much time to enjoy and feel proud of himself for making you and his wife a fool.


:iagree:


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyones advise. I can't imagine how anyone could keep something like this going on for an extended period of time. Just a few days of this cat and mouse email game, and I am completely stressed and exhausted. I do have a few updates...

No word back from the mother on Facebook. I think she may only check it periodically, like most moms. But It's gotta happen eventually. If too much time passes with no word I guess I will have to start checking in with other family members and friends. I know many of you have said to expose to everyone, but I know if I was her, I would like to tell my friends and family myself, so I am leaving that as a last resort. For now my feeling is as soon as Mom gets wind of this, it will happen. 

I did receive this message from the OM this morning though...

RE: I'm sorry, please read. 

XXX,

I know you have no reason to read this mail or even believe anything that I am about to write.
I wanted to apologize for all the things that I have done to you and your family, and that is my sincerest sentiment. I did act like a complete jackass and in turn hurt you, your wife, and my wife and for all that I am deeply sorry.
I hope you can to some degree accept my apology even when it comes too late.
My marriage is in shambles but I dearly miss my wife. I know that you have the power to further influence and shape our future with a press of a button but I am pleading you not to.
I wish you could believe the words that I wrote because they are the truth and true sentiments.

Once again, I am sorry for what I have done. 

XXX

I want to make him pay more than ever now.


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> Just wanted to say thanks again for everyones advise. I can't imagine how anyone could keep something like this going on for an extended period of time. Just a few days of this cat and mouse email game, and I am completely stressed and exhausted. I do have a few updates...
> 
> No word back from the mother on Facebook. I think she may only check it periodically, like most moms. But It's gotta happen eventually. If too much time passes with no word I guess I will have to start checking in with other family members and friends. I know many of you have said to expose to everyone, but I know if I was her, I would like to tell my friends and family myself, so I am leaving that as a last resort. For now my feeling is as soon as Mom gets wind of this, it will happen.
> 
> ...


What a *********!! Id definitely reply to him and tell him to go F*ck himself!! He only cares about what this is going to do to his marriage.....too late, should have thought about that before now!!


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Don't respond. Save it. You will neeed to send it to his wife.
Don't believe a word.
It's good he knows you can destroy him. He's scared sh1tless as he should.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is all damage control for OM. I would have to think that a reply stating that a meeting with both couples is in order to get past this so that both betrayed spouse can verify for them selves that the sincerity is real and both marriages can move on.

Making witness to the commitment the waywards have to there respective spouses.


----------



## stuck-spouse (Oct 30, 2012)

I don't think I will believe she knows until she calls me on the phone. Until then, he will get no response from me. I hope he is sitting in front of his computer clicking "get mail" for the next 72 hours.


----------



## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Don't be a wimp like I was. Listen to these people. The pain in the future if you keep this up will be unbearable. Your wife is dead, this person with the titz, killed her.


----------



## Lurking No More (Oct 20, 2012)

stuck-spouse said:


> I don't think I will believe she knows until she calls me on the phone. Until then, he will get no response from me. I hope he is sitting in front of his computer clicking "get mail" for the next 72 hours.


 Please be aware OM could have a woman friend call you pretending to be "WIFE" you must confirm somehow who you are speaking to.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

P.I.


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He may also be afraid you'll expose him at work. He didn't mention that. He hopes you'll 'settle down'. 

Expect excellent sexx for the next little while along with crocodile tears. I'm sure they've devised a long term plan to play you.


----------



## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

Any update?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

Have you got in touch with omw?


----------



## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

This original thread is very similar to my situation. I have a twin brother (my stbx) of your WW!

Mine was doing exactly the same over many years..marriage is now gone beyond any sort of attempts to repaire after that.

My deepest sympathies..you are not alone..


----------



## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Just to add..This thread was one of the most interesting ones as I said, this is so shockingly similar to my situation.
Excellent replies as well - the most useful thread, thank you so much.


----------

