# The fight, I'm so tired...



## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

I'm numb, sad and tired all at the same time. My wife left after giving the speech four months ago. 24 years together, gone in an instant. I know this will pass, but I'm so tired of forcing myself to "fake it until I make it". I've 180'ed to the max, gym, yoga, meditation, theater group, cycling, attending events, art shows, fundraisers etc. I have great group of friends, people marvel at "how well you're doing", but I feel like a fraud. I'm surrounded by happy couples all over the place, but I go home alone. I apologize for the venting, I'm just at my limit tonight.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Vent away! It's what we're here for.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Almost too tired to vent ;~), My gut tells me something is up with my EX, what it is I don't know. I feel I'm at some sort of turning point, an epiphany maybe. All I know it's taken all I have to get to this point.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> I've 180'ed to the max, gym, yoga, meditation, theater group, cycling, attending events, art shows, fundraisers etc.


Time for a nice quiet break. Take a few days for some down time. It sounds like youre on the run too much. No wonder you are tired. Maybe get a puzzle book, get some tea. turn the phone off and dont answer the door or find a hotel in a nearby city with a pool, hot tub and sauna


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Hard to do with two kids ( yes she left the kids with me) but the idea of taking a couple of days "Off" even around the house sounds like a good idea.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> Hard to do with two kids ( yes she left the kids with me) but the idea of taking a couple of days "Off" even around the house sounds like a good idea.


Grandparents, sister, aunt, good friend stays with kids. You get away for a few days? 

I wish you well


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You are trying too hard. It may be time to give yourself space to plan what you want next. You filled your life with action to keep from thinking but at some point you have to check where you are and where you want to go.

Can you take some time away to peace and quite. You need a plot a course for the next exciting phase in your life. Why are you not dating? Seeing others will help open your life up to possibilities. You will dream and hope again - I think that is what is missing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You are trying too hard. It may be time to give yourself space to plan what you want next. You filled your life with action to keep from thinking but at some point you have to check where you are and where you want to go.
> 
> Can you take some time away to peace and quite. You need a plot a course for the next exciting phase in your life. Why are you not dating? Seeing others will help open your life up to possibilities. You will dream and hope again - I think that is what is missing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably did try too hard, I went 180 from day one, but would have went crazy if I hadn't. I did a pile of thinking between 11pm and 4:00am the first month, had IC, talked with friends and family. As for dating, we've only been separated for four months, I hardly think I'm ready for any sort of relationship, I'd be in rebound city in no time.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> I did a pile of thinking between 11pm and 4:00am the first month,


Also 'the witching hour' for me.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

Turn to God....

Ask for strength and Guidance...

Read through his Words and Wisdom...

You will get through with all this pain with him as he did himself to save us from all our sin...

And there is no harm on trying...if you have done everything
try this one and you might surprise yourself


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

I do gain some temporary comfort from daily prayer and meditation, but it seems like a drug, it wears off in a couple of hours. I know things will get better, it's just so hard to see half my life, everything I ever believed gone, the woman I loved for 24 years now an unrecognizable alien. I know most of us here have the same story, it's just getting through to the end seems like a Russian novel .


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

I understand what you are feeling. I am entering my 4th month of separation from my husband, and I seem to be entering a heavy realm of sadness at this time. I thought I would be feeling better by now, not worse.

But I am also quite sure that this is merely a part of the process. It cycles back and forth, up and down. Our recovery and progress is not linear, though it would certainly be easier if it was.

And I really get what you mean when you say that the person you had loved and lived with for so many years is now an unrecognizable alien. I look at my husband now and have no idea who he is. It is baffling, and very sad.

One day at a time, and yes, take time to rest. Allow yourself to feel what you feel - don't bury it under too much activity. Blessings to you.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I can relate and am learning from the others here who share their stories. I am only on week 3 of seperation and see I have a tough road ahead by you upper classmen/women. 

These holidays seem to also make the emotions more intense. Both ups and downs. The past couple days have been a greater roller coaster ride for me. After a couple of rough day I went out with some friends and family last night and had a really good time. 

I hate to admit this, but I believe part of the reason I was feeling so good last night was because she called me right before going out to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. 

I was also reading this article which was helpful:

Coping with a Breakup or Divorce: Moving on After a Relationship Ends

I wish you well. Peace be with you.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> I do gain some temporary comfort from daily prayer and meditation, but it seems like a drug, it wears off in a couple of hours. I know things will get better, it's just so hard to see half my life, everything I ever believed gone, the woman I loved for 24 years now an unrecognizable alien. I know most of us here have the same story, it's just getting through to the end seems like a Russian novel .


It's good that you actually feel temporary comfort it just means spiritual healing...
Please don't stop 
It is really hard to see good things when you have had so much emotiong going through rigth now.
I just want you to know that take one day at a time and always think that this too shall pass and you have to get through this.
It is so difficult/hard and painful to lose someone we love and had our entire future plan to be with them gone and we left hurting and feeling all sorts of mixed emotion in a roller coaster ride.
But in life it does really happens one way or the other.
The best thing for you is to let it go....you have to let it go...
You will be in continuos pain for as long as you hold on to it.
LET IT GO it's the only way to it.
Then you can start picking up yourself.
It's only been 4 months since,i been separated for nearly 7 months and i can say now that i feel like i have surpassed the hurricane.
and i look at the day seems to be much brighter.
and i appreciate more everyday that comes to my life.
Wounds doesn't heal faster...
They heal with proper medication and time...
Same with every wound or illnesses...and emotions.
You have to fight to over it and not to give in there's always a way...
So don't give up...
Coz when the day come's and you have gotten through this you will surprise yourself how stronger you become.

 Refuse to be sad...There's still a future waiting ahead of you.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

This is me said:


> I can relate and am learning from the others here who share their stories. I am only on week 3 of seperation and see I have a tough road ahead by you upper classmen/women.


We are in exactly the same boat. Upperclassmen!! LOL

But, you're right - tough road ahead...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You don't mention why WW left.

However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. When it does you are not going to look at your ex without hoping she will just disappear. As her love acct. goes down ,her resentment acct will go up until it overcomes the feelings you once had for her.

Like when someone you know stabs you in the back no amount of apologies or forgiveness will ever erase the hurt. Some things just can't be taken back, even if it was all a fantasy.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

chapparal said:


> You don't mention why WW left.
> 
> However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. When it does you are not going to look at your ex without hoping she will just disappear. As her love acct. goes down ,her resentment acct will go up until it overcomes the feelings you once had for her.
> 
> Like when someone you know stabs you in the back no amount of apologies or forgiveness will ever erase the hurt. Some things just can't be taken back, even if it was all a fantasy.


I don't know why she left, but it appears to have been an EA/PA with a dash of MLC. She got heavily into World of Warcraft and I think she met someone via that. I got the standard speech "I've not been happy for a while" with no specifics, meanwhile my access to her computer (We'd had access to each others) was suddenly blocked . 

I know she was not real happy with her job, but made little effort to find something else, even though I fully supported her desire to try something else. On the home front I had a home office and did more the 50% of chores and dealing with the kids. I never cheated or abused her in any way. Other than us not being able to get away on our own and money being tight sometimes we had no serious issues I'm aware of. I think it was a case of her fearing getting older and her life was not turning out like she'd hoped, so she bailed out. It's been four months and she's still not told anyone I'm aware of what her issues were/are.


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## scared and sad (Nov 17, 2011)

chapparal said:


> However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. .


Boy oh Boy! I wish this would be faster. I'm only separated 18 days. I've already started IC and the main reason was to get my heart and head on the same page. 

Please fast forward to that!!!!


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

scared and sad said:


> Boy oh Boy! I wish this would be faster. I'm only separated 18 days. I've already started IC and the main reason was to get my heart and head on the same page.
> 
> Please fast forward to that!!!!


It's a process you have to go through, and it's h&ll for the most part. I know I lost 22lbs in the first three weeks, the only positive thing about it.... You are going to hit levels of deep despair, anger, numbness, disbelief and betrayal that test your limits. I'm just coming out of the other side coming up to five months, but the roller coaster can hit anytime, a song on the radio, an old love letter at the back of a drawer, a call from a friend who didn't know you'd split up etc. I wouldn't wish this s*&t on my worst enemy.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

I know its easier to say but your marriage failed, but you didn't. Look more on a positive side you have kids, I am sure they love you. I haven't seen my wife for 1 month, if she was willing to leave me our son. I would be the happiest man. Every time I spend time with my son I have more fun then I had with my wife. Not seeing my son in the morning is the hardest part, not seeing my wife is the best part.


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## scared and sad (Nov 17, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> It's a process you have to go through, and it's h&ll for the most part. I know I lost 22lbs in the first three weeks, the only positive thing about it.... You are going to hit levels of deep despair, anger, numbness, disbelief and betrayal that test your limits. I'm just coming out of the other side coming up to five months, but the roller coaster can hit anytime, a song on the radio, an old love letter at the back of a drawer, a call from a friend who didn't know you'd split up etc. I wouldn't wish this s*&t on my worst enemy.


Thank you for the comments, they are so true. It is good to know I'm not alone. I have already lost 10 pounds, food just doesn't mean anything anymore, when I do eat I try to eat healthy at least. 

We've been married 27 years, right out of high school. I love country music and can't even listen to it now. Prefer the funk [email protected] because it usually makes no sense! LOL We have a motorcycle that I love to ride with him; can't stand to look at it in the garage. I've lost both my parents during our marriage and not very close to my two brothers; so his family is truly my family. I don't know how they're going to react nor do I have the energy to deal with it right now.

Used to like roller coasters - not so much now! I want off this ride.

I wish you well in your situation, too.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

scared and sad said:


> I love country music and can't even listen to it now. Prefer the funk [email protected] because it usually makes no sense! LOL .


:rofl: LOL. This just cracked me up.

I remember in the first week turning on the radio to hear " She's gone" by Hall & Oats to be followed up by "Can't we still be friends" by Todd Rundgren. I could only laugh.

Then we went to lunch this weekend at a Chinese restaurant and when the fortune cookies came, hers had no fortune and mine said something like "New relationships are in your future". I had to laugh even in this very sad situation.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I am divorced 5 months now, living in my own apt since August and it's been a heck of a ride. Up, down and sideways. Some days are just fine and then some days the s_ _ _ has hit the fan and I am so sad.

This is tough, there are other words and they all fit. 

I can't wait to start school I have had enough down time.

We all will get through this and be stronger for it, and then we will be ready for a new relationship if that is what is meant to be. But we have to heal first. Work and time.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

My lousy albeit nice H snuck out 8 months ago and left me devastated ;o( But with prayer and time, I see a plus in his decision. I will never be glad that my marriage didn't work out, I would be lying if I said I am still sad about it. I am back to doing me totally and it feels good.


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