# Considering Separation but Financially need to live together



## NoMoreDrama (Oct 1, 2012)

Hello,
Im new to this, so not sure what to say...

I believe my wife has a Border Line Personality Disorder and this causes Financial and emotional hardships on our family.
I can explain more if needed, but basically I think it's time to Freeze our accounts, since she really can't stop spending our money and has refused to take on a job to bring in more income.

We still have one 13 year old child at home and after looking into Divorce and ongoing support payments, I don't see any way of supporting two households (wife not willing or able to work). Is it legally possible to live in same house legally and be separated legally? What I want to do is Freeze the accounts, so that I am not responsible for her spending any longer?


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## 836710 (Sep 25, 2012)

Is there a reason why she can't work? Honestly, freezing the accounts is a good idea. It would help on her not spending so much money. Have you considered opening an account, just in your name and start putting money aside? Maybe putting her on an allowance. I mean if she doens't want to get a job, it's only fair.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

You may want to talk to a lawyer about a legal separation because she may open up credit cards once you cut off her spending & you will be responsible for her debt.


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## NoMoreDrama (Oct 1, 2012)

No reason why she can't work other than being able to get along with people. I did setup a separate account and give allowance for home expenses, problem is that she uses credit cards and has access to all accounts because banks give her access because she is my wife. I have contacted attorney's about divorce and separation, but not about continuing to live in same house. I thought someone here might know if that is possible?


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

NoMoreDrama said:


> I believe my wife has a Border Line Personality Disorder and this causes Financial and emotional hardships on our family.
> I can explain more if needed, but basically I think it's time to Freeze our accounts, since she really can't stop spending our money and has refused to take on a job to bring in more income.
> 
> We still have one 13 year old child at home and after looking into Divorce and ongoing support payments, I don't see any way of supporting two households (wife not willing or able to work). Is it legally possible to live in same house legally and be separated legally? What I want to do is Freeze the accounts, so that I am not responsible for her spending any longer?


Do you have a plan? You have a stay-at-home-mom with possible personality issues and you expect to get through this easily? And you live in CA? 

I am going to go out on a limb and say you are getting ready to fight a very uphill battle. The more that you can do before you drop the "D" bomb on your wife, the better chances you may have of getting through with minimal damage.

First and foremost, don't tell your wife anything about what you are about to do. Do not telegraph your intentions. Here is a good starting point: THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum It is long and redundant, but contains good nuggets of wisdom.

Get a voice activated recorder to protect yourself in the event the police arrive because your wife reports a false DV. Been there, seen it happen. Don't expect her to be a happy person when you serve her with divorce papers. The point of the recorder is not to assign blame but to protect yourself and show the officers what really happened instead of the old he said/she said.

Start reading the List and implement what it says. Open an account at a bank that you are the only one with your name on the account. Just because she is your wife does not mean she has rights and access to an account in your name. Freeze your credit with the major credit agencies to prevent new credit opening under your name. This does not prevent your wife from opening her own credit, but you will be able to argue it is debt incurred soley by her.

I am taking kind of a devil's advocate position here, but you can never be to prepared. 

As for your original question, do you really want to live with your wife while you are separated? It can be done but I expect living with a pissed off BPD could be a living hell.


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## NoMoreDrama (Oct 1, 2012)

Actually I use the voice recorder now when she is on an up or down spiral. It's tough living together now, but I don't have the money to support two homes, plus I need to be in the home to get the home sold and take care of it while it is on the market. Thx for advice


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