# 2nd separation-still hurts as bad!



## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I have been married to my husband for 16 years, separated for 2 about 12 yrs ago. He had an affair lasting around 6 months but the rest of that time we were working at getting back together.

We have had our fair share of ups and downs, the last 2 years in particular. Last October after a big disappointment my husband became depressed. There are many contributing factors, but I know him well and thought it must have something to do with me. I still do not feel though that itis all to dowith me, 80% the other stuff. Left him no energy to concentrate on us and he would not seek help.

Eventually in feb he admitted he did not feel the same way towards me, and we had changed each other due to things we have gone through. He no longer likes the person I have become, and does not know himself (I also don't know him). He agreed we should try to work it out, but I think I have put most of the effort in as I feel he checked out long ago. I finally gave him a nudge yesterday to tell me what he wanted to do, as I have felt so lonely. He said he honestly did not think he would ever change his feelings, and we have agreed that he will move out. I was expecting to feel relieved, but that feeling soon went!

I think he is right. I know I will be ok in the long run. However I still love him so much, he has never lost that 'sparkle' for me. He does still find me physically attractive, but cannot accept the changes in personality. If he feels he cannot live with me I do not want to argue it. We only get one life and you can't live it for somebody else.

It is early days,I have just lost my job and money is tight. It would cost more to sell our house and both rent than to keep it on. I love my house and he is going to continue to pay for it for now, but he is going to have to live in some shared house, which he is not moaning about.

He has said he still wants to help in the care of my elderly parents aged 89 and 88, which is nice.

I know there is very little hope of reconcilliation, and I just want to be able to remain friendly towards him and not get bitter. I have spent all day crying, with him and my 16 yr old daughter. She has missed her dad as he had tuned out from her, but I guess now things will improve, I hope so as they had a great relationship. they seem happy today.

I have been reading these boards for months to help me through the tough times, so now I am the one being left. It is so sad, all the memories are running through my head, there will be such a gaping hole in my life, as I love him so much.

Oh to make the day worse-parent coming for dinner,husband gone to fetch them now. Big stresful evening ahead, we are not planning to tell them due to their ill health.

Would love to hear from others feeling like me today, or who have managed to sort everything in an amicable way. PLEASE!!


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