# Only been married less than 2 years and sex life sucks



## pirategrl05 (Aug 21, 2013)

I am 27 and he is 26. We have been together for 4 years and married for almost 2 years. 
We have sex on average of about 2 or 3 times a month.We have never really had the "new couple sex all the time and everyday thing." I just always thought it was because of our work schedules and only being able to see each other on the weekends. I thought that if we moved in together things would've changed. We moved in together 3 months before we got married. Needless to say things didn't change, they stayed the same. 
On our honeymoon we didn't have sex at all, barely even had sex on our wedding night. When we do have sex its always been the same position "doggystyle" its the only way he can reach climax or keep an erection. We've tried every position, and adding toys, or sexy clothing...etc. Nothing seems to work to make us want to do it more often. 
We're both very cuddly, caring and lovey to each other. We hardly ever argue or fight. We are pretty open with each other when we have problems or disagreements. I do have a couple past incidents that i find i can't let go no matter how many times we talk about it.
1. when we first got together i had a feeling he could possibly be gay because of how feminine he can be. So I looked through his phone and found that he talks "gay" to a friend and when i brought it up to him he said "every guy talks like that each other its normal." 
2. I had an ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago with him, and i had to leave for the hospital at 2 am because of pain and lots of bleeding and when I called him to come with me to the hospital to support me and be there, he said "he wanted his sleep and he was tired." So i had to go through it alone.
Those two things i have not been able to let go. I am also the only one working full time and paying all the bills while he goes to school for radiology. I don't have a problem with it but it wouldn't hurt if he got a part time job for extra spending money so we aren't living paycheck to paycheck.
I just want to have sex more and be a normal married couple. I don't want to wonder if hes gay because of the same sex position all the time or the fact that he can't always climax or stay erect. I sometimes wonder if its me, maybe hes not attracted to me anymore. I get comments from guys at work all the time on how beautiful i am and it makes me feel good so I sometimes think its not me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have more of a sex life with my toy than i do my husband.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

No every guy DOES NOT talk gay with other guys. This all looks pretty bad to me. No sex, not working, concerns about sexual orientation

Sorry. I think I would be looking to exit before wasting any more of my life.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Counterpoint to the replies above: There is quite a bit of language used mostly by younger guys that might look gay but its just a sort of crude joking manner... immaturity. I wouldn't read too much into this indicating he's gay. Spend some time on reddit and you'll get an idea of what I'm talking about. The internet has made gaytards out of young men. lol

One of my friends is one of these types, even though I'm not so much. Even so, our conversations can get pretty low. I'll text him saying we need to get together for a night of "debauchery, hookers and blow", and he'll text back something like "Fo sho!! I'll bring the jelly, dildos and anal beads". This begets a crazy but funny conversation... I'm like "Oh god, not the anal beads". Its just banter. I may dress well but I'm for damn sure not gay. lol We'll do similar stuff when out drinking with friendly company... really pushing the language with a straight face until somebody finally cracks up. If you've watched a show like Tosh.0, its much like Daniel Tosh's gay antics. Its funny, often crude and crosses boundaries. So yeah, heterosexual men can in fact gay it up. The taboo on it or affront to one's sexuality isn't the same as it is among most of the 30+ crowd.

As for your husband, what's his family life like? Would he have any reason for trying to fake heterosexuality? Do you get the same vibe from his friends? Does he have a lot of openly gay friends?

tbh, if his family situation is okay (no conservative gay hangup, or macho father's expecations)... he just sounds like an ordinary weak, lazy and immature dude to me. If I had to guess, I'd bet he has a hefty masturbation/porn habit too... and whatever his masturbatory style is, it likely desensitizes him from intercourse (the vajayjay just can't grip like a hand). I'd be he's trained himself to respond to certain stimulation, and he's not getting that same stimulation from sex, particularly positions other than doggy.

That's what my crystal ball says, if I've typed him right. 

If you want to independently verify if he's actually gay or not... get a look at his browser history and the kind of porn he watches. Guy on guy will be a pretty substantial red flag.

Gay or not he's a POS for not coming to hospital.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

pirategrl05 said:


> ... when I called him to come with me to the hospital to support me and be there, he said "he wanted his sleep and he was tired." So i had to go through it alone.



This is all I really needed to see...

Why you did not dump him right after this...well - I should not be all high and mighty...I do not know your situation.

But really, I cannot believe he was so insensitive and unavailable when you needed him.

I will tell you this one simple thing... He is not going to change so don't lay your future happiness on him changing. If you feel that you need more in a marriage relationship then you are going to have to go through the process of ending this relationship and then looking for what you feel you need.

p.s. He might be gay... he certainly is not that motivated to be a "man."


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Gays it up with a gay buddy, doesn't want sex with you often, when you do have sex it's doggy style no matter your preference, completely insensitive to your needs... Dear heart whether he is gay or not is immaterial.

The bottom line, this man is not capable of being a decent husband and likely never will, and certainly not with you. Perhaps he needs a partner who is aloof and very emotionally independent so that he doesn't feel like he has to put out too much effort. That isn't most women and certainly isn't you. Youre young so chock this up to a learning mistake and move on as quickly as possible.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

pirategrl05 said:


> I am 27 and he is 26. We have been together for 4 years and married for almost 2 years.
> We have sex on average of about 2 or 3 times a month.We have never really had the "new couple sex all the time and everyday thing." I just always thought it was because of our work schedules and only being able to see each other on the weekends. I thought that if we moved in together things would've changed. We moved in together 3 months before we got married. Needless to say things didn't change, they stayed the same.
> On our honeymoon we didn't have sex at all, barely even had sex on our wedding night. When we do have sex its always been the same position "doggystyle" its the only way he can reach climax or keep an erection. We've tried every position, and adding toys, or sexy clothing...etc. Nothing seems to work to make us want to do it more often.
> We're both very cuddly, caring and lovey to each other. We hardly ever argue or fight. We are pretty open with each other when we have problems or disagreements. I do have a couple past incidents that i find i can't let go no matter how many times we talk about it.
> ...


You're both young, in your late 20's and prime of your lives, yet the sex only happens 2 - 3x month and he only can keep it up doing doggie style and talks gay to his male friends and he is very feminine too and he wasn't there at the hospital in your time of need because he wanted to sleep OR sexting gay guys?!......sums it all up.

He is gay and just hasn't come fully to grips with it yet. Unfortunately, he married you and in the end, you will be heart broken while he goes off with some guy.

Not much you can do besides get a divorce and find a guy who wants you and not other guys.

I hope this isn't the case and I wish you the best.


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Hi Pirategirl! It is not normal loving husband behaviour to not go to the hospital with your wife when she is having an ectopic pregnancy .... something is very wrong there, it is very uncaring and heartless of him to say he needed his sleep and leave you to go through that traumatic experience by yourself.

Also heterosexual men do not talk gay ... ever, in my experience. I don't know about young guys, but in my generation only gay men talk gay.

My heart goes out to you, I would show your husband the door and tell him to close it on the way out!


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

pirategrl05 said:


> I had an ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago with him, and i had to leave for the hospital at 2 am because of pain and lots of bleeding and when I called him to come with me to the hospital to support me and be there, he said "he wanted his sleep and he was tired."


Wow...Does he not realize how dangerous that can be?


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

divorce him.. it's for the better for both of you..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. Him not going to the hospital with your when you had the ectopic pregnancy should have been enough for you to dump him. You really need to ask yourself why you just accepted him not going with you. IT's completely unacceptable.


On the rest of it, if you need solid proof that he's gay then find it.

There are key loggers for computers and cell phones. There are ways to get even deleted messages off cell phones.

Check to see if he frequents craigslist, an easy place for gays to make quick hookups.

Trust your instincts.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

#1. He was NOT there for you when you were having an ectopic pregnancy! He chose sleep over being with his wife who was in pain in the hospital. 

#2. No, its not normal for a guy to talk "gay" to his friends. 

The #1 thing should speak volumes to you! So instead of wanting a normal sex life with him, get used to the idea there is no "normal" life with him period!


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