# Should my daughter visit her mother who is in jail? Do you agree with what this polic



## ddetr435 (Mar 17, 2014)

officer said


My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is in jail for six months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter we should be glad her mother is serving time for her actions. Doing the right thing for her mistakes. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling but I just cannot agree

I think it is good to prepare in advance for her absence for the next six months. I wonder what are some good ways to do so, we still have time
one of the things we must figure out is how to prepare for this upcoming incarceration. What are some good ways especially for each person to prepare for this?

My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she also said it is kind of funny that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it

should I take her to visit her mother when she is in jail, or is it a bad idea? My wife says she can come if she wants to. But even if she wants to it could be a bad environment. Also, seeing her mother in jail (which I hear is very de humanizing) could be a bad image. Her mom will be dressed in a jail uniform and is of course rightfully being treated like any other inmate but that might send a "normalizing" message to my daughter
-I hear it is a hassle to get in. Also, seeing other inmates or even police officers could be intimidating to a young girl

If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her? Is it a good idea for her to ask her mother questions about all this?

I managed to talk to one of the main guards that works at that jail. She said that since my daughter is a teenagers it is perfectly fine to take her. She also said use it as a learning experience (what does that mean do you think), ask your wife to be honest about what happened, and to simply present it as a punishment for wrong doing. What do you think about this?


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

3500 said:


> My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is in jail for six months for forgery charges. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment.. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything.
> 
> 
> I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image
> ...


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It would be a learning experience for a number of reasons. First, taking her would show her that relationships aren't discarded just because humans make mistakes. Secondly, it would send her the message that there are consequences for bad choices. Thirdly, she would see that people who make mistakes can survive those mistakes and continue to be accepted and productive. 

I would correct my daughter for expressing humor at her mother being locked up. All humans make mistakes and her mother isn't any place that you or your daughter couldn't be some day. Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King Jr, Ghandi, and other have been arrested. Any person drawing breath could be incarcerated, could be crippled, could be homeless, could be fat, could be ugly, could be insane and someday might. We don't delight in the misfortunes of others. 
There has been one person on this earth who never made a mistake and he was arrested and given the death penalty. The rest of us are only humans, who make good and bad choices and who have good and bad fortune. 
I'm sure you and your daughter both hope that neither of you are ever behind bars but that remains a possibility. In 10 years, should your daughter find herself on the wrong side of the law, would you visit her? Would you encourage your wife to do so? 
There are legions of people walking about freely who have committed wrongs as bad or worse than those locked up. Being locked up doesn't mean someone is "bad", it means they were arrested and maybe convicted. Being free doesn't mean someone is "good". Locked up or otherwise, everyone with a pulse will need forgiveness at some point. Most of us need it frequently. I lock people up for a living and have for three decades. I have no intention of breaking the law but as the saying goes, "there, but for the grace of God, go I." 
I'd want my kid to get the message loud and clear that although I expect good choices from her, if she stumbled, she would remain my daughter and we would get through it together.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

> It would be a learning experience for a number of reasons. *First, taking her would show her that relationships aren't discarded* just because humans make mistakes. Secondly, it would send her the message that there are consequences for bad choices. Thirdly, she would see that people who make mistakes can survive those mistakes and continue to be accepted and productive.


Well stated by Unbelievable. Moreover, your daughter will know that you stand by her, too. 

Bronze silver medalist Julia Mancuso's father did prison time.


----------

