# Losing my wife...



## WIHUSBAND (Mar 12, 2011)

After about 9 months of marriage and 6 six years together my wife has decided that we need a break. It is the second day of the break and I don't know what to do. The thing is her current unhappiness came as quite a shock to me. Just weeks ago we were spending time together, laughing, talking about about future: so much so we saw a urologist and scheduled a vesectomy to ensure that future would happen as planned.

All of a sudden she seemed to change. She's been avoiding me and told me she hasn't been happy with our situation for years. Has she been lying all this time? Is anyone that good of a lier? I want counseling but am respecting her wishes to be alone. What should I do. I do not want to lose her!

PS: she also keeps telling me she loves with all her heart but her actions are so different from her words.


----------



## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

wow how confusing

the "loves with all her heart" may be trying to cushion the blow

Are you making plans to get together at a nuetral place to discuss? You need lots more information.


----------



## WIHUSBAND (Mar 12, 2011)

The vasectomy was her idea, that was three weeks ago.

The note she left on the fridge said she would be back in four days.

She also mentioned she had the hairdryer, I have no idea where that one came from.


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

She is having a tryst more than likely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FLIPPER1966 (Mar 13, 2011)

THE VASECTOMY WAS HER IDEA . YOU REALIZE WITH YOU ITS IRREVERSIBLE ONCE DONE IT CAN'T BE UNDONE. HAVING HER TUBES TIED WOULD DO THE SAME THING EXCEPT IT IS REVERSIBLE.
DO NOT GO INTO ANYTHING BLINDLY AS SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID . PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER DO NOT TREAT EACH OTHER THAT WAY.
SHE WASN'T HAPPY FOR YEARS YET SHE'S JUST TELLING YOU THIS AFTER 9 MONTHS OF MARRIAGE EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 YEARS BEFORE THIS.
HWER ACTIONS ARE NOT ACTIONS OF AGAIN SOMEONE THATS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WITH ALL THEIR HEART AND SUDDENLY TAKE OFF FOR A BREAK AND I'M ASSUMMING YOU HAVE NO IDEA WERE SHE MAY BE AT OR WITH WHOM.
THE REASON I BRING THIS UP ITS THE FORRUNNER IN SOME CASES OF CHEATING "All of a sudden she seemed to change. She's been avoiding me and told me she hasn't been happy with our situation " DO A GOOGLE ON CHEATING GIRLFRIENDS OR WIVES AND CLASSIC SYMTOMS THEY DISPLAY WHEN CHEATING. I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THIS LITTLE SEPERATION LAST MORE THAN JUST 4 DAYS. KEEP US POSTED AS TO WHATS HAPPENING ON THIS THOUGH . IT COULD BE THAT SHE MAY JUST BE TELLING THE TRUTH AND SHE NEEDS SOME TIME TO SORT THINGS OUT. IF NOT BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST.


----------



## WIHUSBAND (Mar 12, 2011)

Just found out from her mother that she is with another guy right now. I am freakin' done.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you don't want to lose her you have to act like you want to lose her. Get it?

People want what they can't have. so show her that you will not always be around and she will start to second quess her dicisions that she is making.

So get out of denail and face the fact that you will need to do some of your own investigation in to why she needs space. Once you find the reason behind her behavior it will give you a better understanding on how to take action.

When she gets back, distance your self...it will be easy b/c she will be distant already. If she sees that you are being more distant then her she will asks whats wrong, you can tell her that she wanted space and you will give it to her.

She's cake eating and you are letting her. so if you are willing to let her go for the week end then let her go for the week. Again people want what they can't have so as hard as this is distance your self, show her she can't have it both ways. Its either all of you or none.

She thinks she can come and go as she pleases and you will tolorate it. but you are here asking for help. So please stop tolorating her behavior by controlling what you can controll and that is how you behave. You can't control her but you can show her that you are confident in moving on with out her (even though you are not) and are willing to let her go completely and that you will not share her and you are willing to find someone that is commited to you.

That last thing you want her to beleive is that you will alway be around, show her different by not calling or texting her, you are pushing her away. Stop contacting her and you will for sure find her contacting you.

You need to start getting her to second quess her dicision by not being around so find something that will take your mind off her for a while and she will be coming back looking for the stable secure man she fall in love with. Right know she sees you as always being there and has little to no respect for that. Show her or at least get her to believe that you are strong enough to move on with out her and she will have to respect that.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And by the way she is cheating on you

Need space = confussed between men

Week ends away= is OM worth leaving H

Hasn't been happy = justify the guilt of affair

Lying = cheating 

Change = OM influence


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Calm down and think do not make any spit second decision.

If you are done then disregard last post?


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A vasectomy is in fact reversable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

WIHUSBAND said:


> Just found out from her mother that she is with another guy right now. I am freakin' done.


Move slowly, take care of you, your feelings will go back and forth, consider counseling just for yourself to get through this time.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hope WIHUSBAND gets back soon, he's probably making some mistakes inconfronting this. I believe the dicision he makes at this exact point can make a big difference in the out come.


----------



## WIHUSBAND (Mar 12, 2011)

I have done nothing in regards to this situation. I have not 
contacted her in any way. I have made appointments for both my child and I to be able to talk to a professional in order to deal with this.

I received a call from her mother telling me she is at her place now and that she is acting very strange.

I am positive of what has been suspected and am pretty screwed up about it.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay strong and stay on course. 
Do you have any other evidence in hand, ie text or phone bill?

Stay calm and don't contact her, she wants space give it to her, right now shes hungover. 

You can't controll her so don't try, and don't let her cake eat.

You are day 3 of the seperation/need space thing so what ever she has at the family home take it over to her mothers. 

Do not bow down to her level stay confident that you are much more clear headed then she is right now. Stay focus on the things that will influence her the most like not having you not around and if you have kids keep them close.

Don't fall for her BS so please distance your self from her, she is in a fog and you need to control what you have control over. Stay focus on what only you can do to make this as inconvienent as possible for her.

Let her make the first contact and get a game plan together for this up and come discussion, write it down and don't let your emotions get away from you when she does call.

Stay strong and wait. it will take some time for the hangover to clear and she will be wondering why you haven't called, get her to go after you...so stay strong she will contact you first, then you can make your own term when she does.


----------



## peace (Jan 19, 2011)

I am sorry you are going through this. I have a similiar issue with you going on and I have to say that this is the hardest thing to deal with. All I can say is that I can never see myself trusting my wife again. The hurt she has caused will never heal as long as I am with her. Hold your boundaries and do not be needy, stay focused and do not allow her to provoke you.


----------



## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

the guy said:


> And by the way she is cheating on you
> 
> Need space = confussed between men
> 
> ...


This is a terrible evaluation. Terrible overgeneralization and jumping to conclusions.


----------



## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

WIHUSBAND said:


> Just found out from her mother that she is with another guy right now. I am freakin' done.


Did she say who it was? Maybe it is a friend. Why were you talking to her mother? Did she call you or did you call her?


----------

