# Rekindling the spark. How?



## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

I have been happily married for over 20 years. And my sex life is pretty good. But the frequency - and this the variety, or even opportunity for variety is waning. This is in part because we have teenagers. But also because I think we are both getting older. And as I have gotten see my confidence in what I want to try is increasing. But my wife is not so much into being creative on her own. In other words, while she is a good sport - and she is - I have to lead the way. Which with lack of frequency becomes a little bit of a challenge. Thoughts on what I can do? 

And frequency is about once a week. Down from the two or three times a week when we were younger. We're booth in our late 40's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Teenagers are usually out and not hanging around the house. Got their drivers license, work a part time job, friends, partying, etc.

Some women like the man to lead and in your situation, she wants you to lead. You are the Captain and she is your first mate.

I do this once in a while and my wife loves it. Before she wakes up, have flowers, card and sweets in an area she will be in first thing in the morning, kitchen? That will surprise her and make her day.

I sometimes order food in when my wife is out. Total surprise her and then cuddle on the couch later. The teenage kids are usually out anyway, right?

Or tell your kids to go away for the weekend, at a friends house, so you both have the house to yourself. Or go to a hotel for the weekend instead.

Give her an oil massage.

Buy her a toy or two.

Watch adult movies together, more for women.

Do some weight training and cardio, get in shape, more muscles, and I'm sure she'd like that even more.......


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

My wife and I are in our mid 40s and had a dying spark about 7 years ago. What saved our marriage was my reengaging the pursuit and romance. After almost a year of dfficult times and much less frequent sex she became wild again when I started to pursue her again romantically. 

In my experience, do that and the variety and frequnecy take care of itsself. 

I read a bunch of Calle Zorro articles on the internet at ezinearticles.com and artcilebase.com etc to as a wife owners manual. When I say "owner" I use he term loosely in jest. LOL


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

O crap. The teenage years are the ones I was expecting to be the best. They aren't going to be knocking on the bedroom door needing a snack. Plus they think its gross, incentive to move out. ( parents gross, not them, obviously). Maybe if we get kinky and loud enough they will be grossed out by sex until at least college. When they are playing video games I need to scream to get their attention, some loud dirty talk shouldn't bother them to much.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

We also have well one teen and a 20 year old. We are actually finding it much easier as they are either out with friends or working. 

One new thing we are doing is increasing out intimacy by taking a bath together once a week with a lovely bottle of wine and lots of candles. 

That has brought us so much closer and the frequency has most definitely increased. It has done wonders for us!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

LoriC said:


> We also have well one teen and a 20 year old. We are actually finding it much easier as they are either out with friends or working.
> 
> One new thing we are doing is increasing out intimacy by taking a bath together once a week with a lovely bottle of wine and lots of candles.
> 
> That has brought us so much closer and the frequency has most definitely increased. It has done wonders for us!


I like your approach....Skin times are GOOD times....I really miss our hot tub.....Our new back yard is privacy fenced, so that sounds like a future project.......

I custom mix massage oils myself, and put a big screen in the master BR to increase cuddle time...About a 600% improvement so far...

We did "The 5 love languages" and GOT it. More loving already this year than last.....We have been married 47 years, but turn out the lights, get a little closer, and we are 19 again n.......


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

We promised each other that we would make this a weekly thing. It is so nice to have this to look forward to every week. We sit there for an hour or more talking and connecting with each other, occasionally adding hot water when we start to feel cold. No sex, just enjoying each others company with a few glasses of wine. The sex is fantastic after our bath time! 

The kids are probably mortified we are taking weekly baths together! We were first only doing so when they weren't home but it got too difficult to arrange. And it us really important to me that we keep up with this ritual to stay connected. 

I don't care, they are 17 & 20! I started to think this may be good for them to see how well we are doing especially since we told them 6 months ago we were headed for divorce.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> I custom mix massage oils myself, and put a big screen in the master BR to increase cuddle time...About a 600% improvement so far...



I have been thinking about massages also, that is definitely next on my list. Do you mind if I ask about your mixture?


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Take her for a ride, pull over at a scenic spot, pop open the tailgate, take out the quilt, pour the champagne, gaze at the stars then get it on.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

LoriC said:


> I have been thinking about massages also, that is definitely next on my list. Do you mind if I ask about your mixture?


Sweet almond oil is the base.....You can rub forever, not sticky, just the right lubricity.....For the scent, I am adding essence of honeysuckle....Picture your window open, a light summer rain, and a sweet scent drifts in on the breeze.....YEA....

I am going to try grapeseed oil next. it has a lighter body....For scents I want to try magnolia, lilac, and rose....I like girls to smell girly.....You can get everything you need on ebay....The oils are FDA approved...For scenting my oils I buy pure essences, not chemicals.......

I mix small batches, and use bottles that held barbecue and hot sauce....You know the old Louisanna red hot sauce bottles...RINSE WELL....12 ozs of sweet almond oil makes for a lot of massaging......

Well I guess I have blown my bada$$ knuckle dragger image..

I hope you enjoy experimenting, and have fun with the oil too......


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Dang Woodchuck, 5W-20 just isn't good enough for you?


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