# Why is a cheater stalling?



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Hi all - I am so frustrated at my STBXH 

This man had affairs and is all over town and on facebook with his latest wh*** who he was boinking when I kicked him out two years ago. I knew his wh*** for 16 years and she knew he was married with a family when they both decided on this illicit affair. 17 yr marriage and I cannot seem to get out of this.

Fast forward to today. My lawyer and I have attempted every motion and hearing for this man to show up and finalize the divorce. Each time the judge gives him a new life line. He is charming and likeable guy until you get to know him like I.

Anyway, he ignores all attempts to mediate. I just got a text message from him saying that I am only out for spite and I am a surly old lady. He also said "quit calling her a wh*** ok?"

I told him even the bible calls a mistress a wh***monger. 

I texted back and said he has gotten everything he wants. He is getting his freedom, a very, very equal settlement all debt divided evenly, all assets divided 50%, child support scaled to his income, 4 overnight visits with child a month (he never wants or fights for any time with her), the sale of both primary and rental homes so we are free from joint transactions.

I just want this done and I am so frustrated.... Why would a man delay a divorce when he has his new life already set and a 
equally divided settlement??:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

My AxW is doing the same thing, and just like your STBXH, she is the one who stepped out on the marriage multiple times. My belief, is that even though their actions have brought about the ending of the marriage, and ultimate finality of divorce. They are the ones now having a difficult time letting completely go. Whether its conscious or unconscious. My two cents anyway.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

toon - I agree with you. 

Our relationship is now a parent (me) and child (him). 

He and I both know that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and his family is devastated with his choices.

Regardless, I loved unconditionally, blindly, and faithfully. Not all good statements which I have learned through counseling. I put everyone above my own needs/wants. My trust and self esteem has plummeted during this process and I have had to rebuild my life over the last 2 years. 

This man made no attempt to salvage the marriage, show any remorse or take any accountability for his choices.

I am done analyzing everything, have had IC and am ready to move on. 

Again waiting for him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why would you expect an unremorseful cheater to suddenly become a decent human being and act responsibly in a divorce situation??


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

because after 2 years I thought his ultimate prize was to be single so he can f*ck without guilt. 

I guess I was wrong. His single most ultimate prize is to linger on hoping that things will suddenly change and make my life miserable in the process.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> Each time the judge gives him a new life line. H
> 
> Why would a man delay a divorce when he has his new life already set and a
> equally divided settlement??:scratchhead::scratchhead:


It sounds like you answered the question. It looks like the judge keeps giving his extensions. May be a good question to ask your lawyer about.

If I were you, I'd refrain from the banter you have with him going about who called who's mistress what and all the other unnecessary chatter. If you really want to piss him off (and have peace of mind) do not respond to anything unless it's a legal issue with your lawyer. 

Your husband is probably upset that tings are not happening on his schedule so he's trying to do things to upset you by delaying. Just let it ride. Don't talk to him. Let your lawyer handle it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You have to think like a selfish person. What's in it for him to divorce? His life is working just peachy for him at the moment.

For the record I knew 3 women who went through this with their husbands. For reasons unknown the men didn't want their wives (all cheated) but didn't want to divorce either. Strangest thing I'd ever seen.

All 3 took 2-4 years to finalize but eventually they did get their divorces.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Okay what I said isn't true. I think I know why they didn't divorce.

It was money related.

A reasonable settlement wasn't enough - they wanted it ALL.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> You have to think like a selfish person. What's in it for him to divorce? His life is working just peachy for him at the moment.
> 
> For the record I knew 3 women who went through this with their husbands. For reasons unknown the men didn't want their wives (all cheated) but didn't want to divorce either. Strangest thing I'd ever seen.
> 
> All 3 took 2-4 years to finalize but eventually they did get their divorces.





Mavash. said:


> Okay what I said isn't true. I think I know why they didn't divorce.
> 
> It was money related.
> 
> A reasonable settlement wasn't enough - they wanted it ALL.


My story is like a case study of this phenomenon... The only way to get things to move forward, Frustrated, is to make it worse for him to stay in the current situation than to move on.

And Mavash is right... It's all about getting (or keeping) the money required to maintain a certain lifestyle.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

when I filed for divorce, I told my lawyer that without a doubt, my stbxh would not do anything. He would not hire a lawyer, he would go dark when needing paperwork, he would disappear when mediator meetings are set, he would ignore all motions and would only show when it was the bottom of the ninth and he was out of life lines. She assured me that she deals with this all the time. Now that my visions are reality, my lawyer is acting like this has never happened before. She is shocked that all the motions have been ignored and every hearing set is costing me more money. 

I could have predicted all of this. He is very content dating his wh***, living free, using my health benefits, know I am watching his child without worry and late with child support knowing I will make sacrifices to pay things on time. What a POS. I am so done with this "man".


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Where I live it's a fault state so a reluctant spouse can drag out a divorce for as long as they are willing to pay the attorneys.

One woman's husband got tired of paying at 4 years so he signed.

Another signed because at the one year mark he came into some money and didn't want her to get any.

The other I think had proof of his serial cheating and was done sooner because there were no assets or kids.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Sadly Florida is a no fault state. You can have sex with multiple partners, and hide money and they still grant motions. All Florida cares about is fair child support and agreeable MSA. State of Florida could care less about morals, vows, or any marital obligations. It all boils down to money and splitting of assets. 

My stbxh has the "OW" with 4 DUIs, has IRS liens and felony charges on record and he believes that I should not argue the court to disallow my child any contact with this parasite.

So he goes dark and delays court and ignores all paperwork and gets away with it.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

My solution was to file a petition for temporary support that generated a court order forcing my AXW to pay half the bills until she moves out. Now, the party's over and any delays cost her money... the more she stalls, the more bills and debts I get paid off.

Ask your lawyer about doing something similar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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