# help!! im unattracted to my fiance and its really hurting our relationship!



## sydsyd (Mar 22, 2009)

okay, im getting married in 6 weeks but the only problem is it feels like we have already been married for 20 years!! we fight all the time, i have little patience with him, and im not physically attracted to him. dont get me wrong, he is very cute, but as far as having an intimate relatioship with him...there is zero!! i mean we can go days without even kissing! that is not normal. i love him so much and really want a healthy relationship with him, but we are already headed for divorce and we arent even married! i just feel like im making a huge mistake by getting married so young (i am 18). one problem is my ex boyfriend and i are still very close friends, but the bad part about it is he dosent think my firace is right for me, and i respect his opinion and know hes not just saying that because he dosent like my fiance. and everyone else tells me we just dont seem righ either. im scared that i am still very attracted to my ex even though he was a huge jerk, we have a long past together, but we are close now that we broke up (weird i know). but i cant help but be attracted to him and get chills anytime i see him or hear something about him. i dont even get chills or butterflies with my fiance anymore! i feel like such a b**** because of this, but i cant help it. I really want my relationship and marriage to work, but i just cant figure out how to get our passion back! help!!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sydsyd said:


> I really want my relationship and marriage to work, but i just cant figure out how to get our passion back! help!!!


But why? Maybe it's just not meant to be. You will both be trapped in a sexless prison if you go ahead with the marriage. How come he is even thinking of going ahead? Does he not need affection or sex either? Is he a lot older than you?


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## Rebecca Jorgensen PhD (Mar 22, 2009)

It sounds like you are torn and having a hard time. Getting married under the circumstances you described is just like you said "we are already headed for divorce and we arent even married!" 

Counseling right now would be very beneficial for you to help you figure out why you are so torn and what's keeping you only partly in two different relationships, when neither of the relationships are healthy or meeting your needs. 

Anyway, it sounds very difficult for you right now, and I hope you'll get some support to help you feel assured of what the best thing for you and your future is - - - and why you're stuck in this place not really listening to yourself.

You can learn more about adult love at my blog - check out my website to find it.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i only have one bit of advice - you feel like this , dont get married.
its for life , not just for christmas.


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## picabu (Mar 11, 2009)

:iagree:

dont do it. postpone or call it off. too many issues to start this marriage off wrong, wrong, wrong.

plus, you are so young, live a little...you have plenty of time to wait for the right one to come along. neither your fiance or your ex sound like they are the one.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

yeah, I agree, don't do it. If you're already feeling like this, and you're not even married yet, it can't possibly end well.

It's not fair to you, or him, if you go ahead, especially since you've got feelings for someone else. 

It will likely hurt him, but he'll be better off in the long run, and so will you.


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## sadhusband (Mar 23, 2009)

Do NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!! DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT.... don't do it... Oh... and if I wasn't clear enough... DON"T DO IT!!! DON"T GET MARRIED!!!!


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