# Forgiveness email



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

My H and I have been separated since May when I found out he was having a second affair. My anger and hurt have been overwhelming. I was not sleeping, I have cried, yelled and have not been able to concentrate for months. Over the last week I have noticed I am starting to feel calm again. Less angry, more attentive to my daughter. H has been remorseful but still with his tramp.

After a lot of soul searching, I realize that our marriage is doomed and it is time to move on. I sent him an email yesterday saying that I forgive him and the hurt and pain he has caused. I need to do this so I can move on. Not for his benefit. I need to let go of the hurt and unfulfilled dreams and the hope of reconciliation. I need this for me more than him. 

For people that have forgiven and moved on, is this the approach you took? Does it get easier to accept and stand proud with your decision once you have forgiven without second guessing yourself?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> I sent him an email yesterday saying that I forgive him and the hurt and pain he has caused. I need to do this so I can move on. Not for his benefit. I need to let go of the hurt and unfulfilled dreams and the hope of reconciliation. I need this for me more than him.
> 
> For people that have forgiven and moved on, is this the approach you took? Does it get easier to accept and stand proud with your decision once you have forgiven without second guessing yourself?


Yes it was indeed the approach I took.

Does it get easier? Yes but in the beginning my emotions were screaming like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum. But every day that I woke up, I made the conscious choice to forgive my ex-wife for my benefit and not hers.

Your personal recovery is a day by day process that cannot and should not be rushed.


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## smartyblue (Jun 22, 2011)

It gets easier and you will love again. Here are some good blogs to read -- many people are in the midst of a split. That's why this website exists!
Divorcing Mr. Wrong | Infidelity, Divorce, Relationships & Love
athenavox

Check their blogrolls. They link to more blogs by the broken hearted. I'm sorry for him being a jerk. You are not alone!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Found this on a site. Resonated with me. Forgiveness is essential for peace. 


_*"You can’t separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.�"*_

Malcolm X (1925 – 1965), Malcolm X Speaks, 1965


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

FrustratedFL said:


> My H and I have been separated since May when I found out he was having a second affair. My anger and hurt have been overwhelming. I was not sleeping, I have cried, yelled and have not been able to concentrate for months. Over the last week I have noticed I am starting to feel calm again. Less angry, more attentive to my daughter. H has been remorseful but still with his tramp.
> 
> After a lot of soul searching, I realize that our marriage is doomed and it is time to move on. I sent him an email yesterday saying that I forgive him and the hurt and pain he has caused. I need to do this so I can move on. Not for his benefit. I need to let go of the hurt and unfulfilled dreams and the hope of reconciliation. I need this for me more than him.
> 
> For people that have forgiven and moved on, is this the approach you took? Does it get easier to accept and stand proud with your decision once you have forgiven without second guessing yourself?


Sorry you are going through all this. Did he reply to that email?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

*Serenity Prayer*

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Thanks for everyones comments. He did reply to my email that he felt we were getting along a lot better (I am doing the 180 plan) and that he had to leave because all the fighting was damaging our daughter. (I actually kicked him out)!

It is so hard to forgive someone who blatantly hurts you with the lies, betrayal and lack of compassion. 

I wished him the best in his new life. I hope one day I really mean it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think it's great that you are doing a "forgiveness" email. It will be helpful to both of you. 

Glad to see he responded positively.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I too realized the only way for me to heal was to forgive. And I did, because, in my heart I know he didnt mean to hurt me. Like they say, it just happened. 

Will our marriage survive it ? No.
Do I still love him? Yes. 
Am I in love with him ? No. 
Will I forget? No 
Am I bitter? No 
Does he deserve to find joyfulness? Yes
Do I ? Yes, just not together. 

~sammy


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

Forgiveness is a strange thing. I can remember telling my wife that I "forgive her" at least 100 times before I even knew what that really meant. I do believe there are a few stages that you pass through before you can get to _total _and _complete_ forgiveness. How long this takes is different for everyone. However, once you have forgiven completely...peace does come.

Side note: 

I, like you...figured that my marriage had absolutely NO chance. I accepted that fact and was ready to move on. 

We reconciled in the courtroom halfway through our divorce proceedings. There's always hope.

Best wishes,

GM


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