# Manipulated Mother



## Mo2_QN (1 mo ago)

I’ve recently moved back home with my mother following the pandemic because the hotel I worked to on another island had closed down. I am 24 years old with two children of my own ages 5 and 3. At the time there was my mother, her boyfriend, and my two little sisters in the home. This home was built by her and her ex-husband. Shortly after the divorce she invited her boyfriend to move in with us. Never introducing him as her boyfriend and never asking us how we felt seeing as though a stranger is coming in to our family home. Upon moving back in we agreed that I am to pay the cable/internet bill. Out of habit I cook and clean as needed. I also buy groceries for the entire household instead of only for my kids and I. I only leave the house to go to work, or occasionally for fun AFTER my kids are asleep and arrangements have been made for my youngest sister to listen out while I’m gone. My mother moved to another island along with one of my little sisters. Leaving her boyfriend, my youngest sister, myself and my kids in the home. She visited a few days ago and said she wanted to speak to me. I’ve never really had a good relationship with my mother. Her very presence disrupts my soul. The only time she talks to me is when she’s arguing or demanding I do something. I was not looking forward to this conversation. As expected she demanded that I “have respect” for her boyfriend and stop sleeping out. Apparently he told her I’m disrespectful and that I always sleep out. My problem with that is I don’t even speak to him. I literally barely acknowledge that he exists. I don’t see how I’m disrespectful if we don’t even socialize. I stated this to her and her response was “well you need to change that”. Next is the sleeping out part. My kids are asleep by 8-9pm, I don’t leave the house until 2am because I have to pick my boyfriend up from work and drop him home. Instead of driving back home, I decide to crash there until 6am when its time to wake my kids and get them ready for school. During the time I’m away my kids do not wake out of their sleep like newborns, it’s literally 4 hours max I’m gone. Also they’re never there alone. My youngest sister is 14 and she’s there asleep as well. My kids aren’t bothering anyone, I’m not bothering anyone. I pay my bills on time, I make sure food is in the house. I cook and I clean. I mind my own business and stay out of the way. I explained this to her and she completely disregarded everything I had to say stating that “people who do what they want buy their own homes.” I told her she’s right, and when I do move out I no longer want to hear from her ever again. At that point her boyfriend chipped in saying I needed therapy. I honestly don’t know what the actual problem is. I need therapy for voicing my opinion?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mo2_QN said:


> I’ve recently moved back home with my mother following the pandemic because the hotel I worked to on another island had closed down. I am 24 years old with two children of my own ages 5 and 3. At the time there was my mother, her boyfriend, and my two little sisters in the home. This home was built by her and her ex-husband. Shortly after the divorce she invited her boyfriend to move in with us. Never introducing him as her boyfriend and never asking us how we felt seeing as though a stranger is coming in to our family home. Upon moving back in we agreed that I am to pay the cable/internet bill. Out of habit I cook and clean as needed. I also buy groceries for the entire household instead of only for my kids and I. I only leave the house to go to work, or occasionally for fun AFTER my kids are asleep and arrangements have been made for my youngest sister to listen out while I’m gone. My mother moved to another island along with one of my little sisters. Leaving her boyfriend, my youngest sister, myself and my kids in the home. She visited a few days ago and said she wanted to speak to me. I’ve never really had a good relationship with my mother. Her very presence disrupts my soul. The only time she talks to me is when she’s arguing or demanding I do something. I was not looking forward to this conversation. As expected she demanded that I “have respect” for her boyfriend and stop sleeping out. Apparently he told her I’m disrespectful and that I always sleep out. My problem with that is I don’t even speak to him. I literally barely acknowledge that he exists. I don’t see how I’m disrespectful if we don’t even socialize. I stated this to her and her response was “well you need to change that”. Next is the sleeping out part. My kids are asleep by 8-9pm, I don’t leave the house until 2am because I have to pick my boyfriend up from work and drop him home. Instead of driving back home, I decide to crash there until 6am when its time to wake my kids and get them ready for school. During the time I’m away my kids do not wake out of their sleep like newborns, it’s literally 4 hours max I’m gone. Also they’re never there alone. My youngest sister is 14 and she’s there asleep as well. My kids aren’t bothering anyone, I’m not bothering anyone. I pay my bills on time, I make sure food is in the house. I cook and I clean. I mind my own business and stay out of the way. I explained this to her and she completely disregarded everything I had to say stating that “people who do what they want buy their own homes.” I told her she’s right, and when I do move out I no longer want to hear from her ever again. At that point her boyfriend chipped in saying I needed therapy. I honestly don’t know what the actual problem is. I need therapy for voicing my opinion?


So you leave your 3 and 5 year old under the care of your mom's BF that you barely know? I don't know how often this is happening, but it sounds quite irresponsible to me. I would say first and foremost that your kids should come first and you shouldn't be slipping out in the middle of the night for a booty call.

You are living under someone else's roof. Yes, you are contributing, but it is still someone else's house and they make the rules and get to say who lives there. She did you a favor by giving you a place to live. It might be best the stop to late night dates and focus on what is needed to be independent and living on your own.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Firstly when can you move out?
Secondly, I would never leave such small children in a house with a young teenager and a man you know absolutely nothing about. Is your boyfriend the father of the children? He needs to make his own arrangements to get himself home.
Anything could happen in those hours that you aren't there.


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## Mo2_QN (1 mo ago)

Ive been babysitting since I was in the 7th grade. Maybe it’s just a cultural thing here. But I do see your point. My kids father died during the pandemic. Additionally when I move out I would be leaving my teenage sister alone in a home with my moms boyfriend. She has no children for him. But yes I plan to be out of the house within a months time.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mo2_QN said:


> Ive been babysitting since I was in the 7th grade. Maybe it’s just a cultural thing here. But I do see your point. Additionally when I move out I would be leaving my teenage daughter alone in a home with my moms boyfriend. But yes I will be out of the house within a months time.


Your teenage daughter? Aren't you 24?


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## Mo2_QN (1 mo ago)

I corrected it. Trying to type and work from home at the same time. My apologies. But I meant my sister. It would just be him and her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mo2_QN said:


> Ive been babysitting since I was in the 7th grade. Maybe it’s just a cultural thing here. But I do see your point. My kids father is died during the pandemic. Additionally when I move out I would be leaving my teenage sister alone in a home with my moms boyfriend. She has no children for him. But yes I plan to be out of the house within a months time.


Your mum sounds very irresponsible leaving her young daughter with this man and going off. Is she intending to come back? 
As for babysitting, a child babysitting children is fine until an emergency happens. If they wake in the night and go outside to try and find you. If they are suddenly sick or otherwise ill. If there is a break in or a fire. Its just irresponsible.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mo2_QN said:


> I corrected it. Trying to type and work from home at the same time. My apologies. But I meant my sister. It would just be him and her.


Then maybe you need to take her with you to keep her safe. Poor kid.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Your mother is negligent and exposing for kids to this unknown man who is not related to them. If you were living in the US you could report it to child protective services. But now you're doing the same thing leaving your kids under the roof with him alone. 

You need to sort out where you're going to live soon. And I don't think your sister should be left there with the boyfriend so maybe you should consider bringing her with you wherever you go and maybe talk to her about getting a job or something after school if she's going to school.

At the very least help her put a lock that she can lock from inside her room so she can lock that guy out. But you need to not leave your kids there at night alone like that.


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## Mo2_QN (1 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Your mother is negligent and exposing for kids to this unknown man who is not related to them. If you were living in the US you could report it to child protective services. But now you're doing the same thing leaving your kids under the roof with him alone.
> 
> You need to sort out where you're going to live soon. And I don't think your sister should be left there with the boyfriend so maybe you should consider bringing her with you wherever you go and maybe talk to her about getting a job or something after school if she's going to school.
> 
> At the very least help her put a lock that she can lock from inside her room so she can lock that guy out. But you need to not leave your kids there at night alone like that.


He told my mom she doesn’t need a lock on her door. Locks are banned in this house. The only bedroom door that has a lock on it is my mother’s. Our rooms and bathrooms don’t have locks on them and I’ve tried to buy some but was told “my house my rules”. If I could leave today I would. But life’s not that easy. I do appreciate everyone’s reply though. I am taking it all in.
Also this is a Caribbean country, the authorities do not care at all.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mo2_QN said:


> He told my mom she doesn’t need a lock on her door. Locks are banned in this house. The only bedroom door that has a lock on it is my mother’s. Our rooms and bathrooms don’t have locks on them and I’ve tried to buy some but was told “my house my rules”. If I could leave today I would. But life’s not that easy. I do appreciate everyone’s reply though. I am taking it all in.
> Also this is a Caribbean country, the authorities do not care at all.


To me it's a big red flag that they won't let the teenage daughter put a lock on her door with this strange man in the house.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

So what is your question, really?


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## Mo2_QN (1 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> So what is your question, really?


My question was “is there really a problem?”. I felt as if he was just trying to be controlling seeing as though I’m not really bothering anyone, especially him.
However, the responses I got were to discontinue leaving to pick up my boyfriend from work twice a week (idk how that is gonna work I may have to just drop off the car after my shift ends at 10pm), it’s irresponsible to leave the kids and teen at home with mom’s boyfriend, also she’s irresponsible for leaving her teen daughter. So I guess there really is a problem and the solution, as always when you’re living with parents, is to move out.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Mo2_QN said:


> and the solution, as always when you’re living with parents, is to move out.


Yep, doesn't seem like a positive environment to live in and you should move out.

Can you afford to live on your own?

How old are your sisters?

I do think it is strange that you aren't with your children from 2AM to 6AM on a regular basis, so I could see how someone would comment on that part of it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> To me it's a big red flag that they won't let the teenage daughter put a lock on her door with this strange man in the house.


Not even a bathroom which is even worse! So she can't even have a bath or shower without fear of him walking in.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You’re a mother to 2 small children. Your boyfriend is an adult and can get himself home from work. Your priority should be your two little ones.


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## Leeame (Apr 13, 2021)

Cutting your mom off after she took you and your children in is pathetic. She is a grown woman done raising you and you are not in your family home - you are in your mom's home. You don't get to say anything about what happens in her home. 
Where would you be if she chose to view you the way you view her?? You would be homeless with your children. 
I think family therapy is a good idea. 
You are a grown up with kids who are going to learn from your behavior and I hope they don't one day decide you and everything you have done for them is not worth their patience and understanding and they abandon you. 
You should feel grateful for your roof over your head provided by your mom. 
If you are pretending like someone you live with doesn't even exist that is disrespectful. You are making an issue out of them voicing their opinion and at the same time you expect respect when you voice yours. Not cool. 

I suggest you start working on getting your own place and in the meantime be grateful for what you have and welcome the people who are helping you to have it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So the mother abandoning her youngest child to be with a man who is no relation and who refuses to allow locks even in a bathroom door is ok?


Leeame said:


> Cutting your mom off after she took you and your children in is pathetic. She is a grown woman done raising you and you are not in your family home - you are in your mom's home. You don't get to say anything about what happens in her home.
> Where would you be if she chose to view you the way you view her?? You would be homeless with your children.
> I think family therapy is a good idea.
> You are a grown up with kids who are going to learn from your behavior and I hope they don't one day decide you and everything you have done for them is not worth their patience and understanding and they abandon you.
> ...


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