# Pickup Lines That Always Work



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If the internet can use sensationalistic headlines to make me look at something, I can do the same to you.

 Ten Worst Pickup Lines rated by Women

Enjoy, and post your own.

Baby, your name must be Google cuz your everything I've been searching for. 

These work great. I recommend that every guy tries them out. The woman that you don't know ... or the ones you do ... will think you're the sh!t.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Get in the van.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In the pharmacy

"Excuse me miss, would you hand me that 50-pack of Magnum XL Condoms please?"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I actually use ALL of these cheesy lines on girlfriends, usually with a used car salesman look on my face.

It totally gets them hot.

Sometimes ...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Fozzy said:


> Get in the van.


LOL


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I may be wrong, but I think I got the Google one from a woman here.

It's pure gold.

And of course, my role model: and yes, I usually use the voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KSFlkSU5rE


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I got a fat wallet big hands and large feet. want to meet later for coffee.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Worst one I've ever received: "You and your friend there both got real purty hair." Fellas if you've got to bust out a cheesy line on a woman, at least pick a single target.  

My best friend sitting to my other side didn't miss a beat, just leaned across me and told the guy, "You got a real purty tooth!" in the most chipper and excited voice imaginable. 

He obviously wasn't sure whether he should be deeply offended or if she was hitting on him back, but she was hot enough that he was seriously debating the merits of sticking around for another shot.

:slap:


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Deejo said:


> LOL


Fozzy, you rule. That's as close to a "like" as anyone will ever ever get from these miserly mods. :smthumbup:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Rowan said:


> Worst one I've ever received: "You and your friend there both got real purty hair." Fellas if you've got to bust out a cheesy line on a woman, at least pick a single target.
> 
> My best friend sitting to my other side didn't miss a beat, just leaned across me and told the guy, "You got a real purty tooth!" in the most chipper and excited voice imaginable.
> 
> ...


Known as the shotgun approach.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I got this one YEARS ago when I was still single.

Guy walked up to me, smiled and said you like jokes? I nodded.

"Knock knock"

Who's there?

"Emerson."

Emerson who?

"Emmer some great tits!"

Once again, Anon pink is easily amused.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I got this one YEARS ago when I was still single.
> 
> Guy walked up to me, smiled and said you like jokes? I nodded.
> 
> ...


I'm totally telling my wife this tonight.



Anon Pink said:


> Once again, Anon pink is easily amused.


Me too, apparently.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I won't give you any of my proven lines because I don't want to be responsible for:

http://youtu.be/14ZO1b3T6jo


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


Nice.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


:lol:

How on earth did you find the strength to walk away?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

"Hello, I'm MbH. What's your name?" has worked reasonably well in a variety of scenarios. I guess I'm not very creative.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

My best pick up line... "Would you like to dance?" It works. Go figure sometimes women just want to dance.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GTdad said:


> I'm totally telling my wife this tonight.
> 
> 
> 
> Me too, apparently.




That's good cause I married him.


Kidding....


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> :lol:
> 
> How on earth did you find the strength to walk away?


How, indeed! What made it especially seductive was his careful selection of targets (aka "woman").


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


Classy...i can only assume a punch was thrown...or at least a glove slap
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

always_alone said:


> How, indeed! What made it especially seductive was his careful selection of targets (aka "woman").


I can say I've actually experienced a bit of that. I was staying at a La Quinta in Austin about 15 years ago, and I got a call about two in the morning (from, I'm 90% sure, the desk guy): "I want to suck your ****". I was a lot more outraged about being woken up for this nonsense than I was about being propositioned.

Men are pigs.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I can say I've actually experienced a bit of that. I was staying at a La Quinta in Austin about 15 years ago, and I got a call about two in the morning (from, I'm 90% sure, the desk guy): "I want to suck your ****". I was a lot more outraged about being woken up for this nonsense than I was about being propositioned.
> 
> Men are pigs.


*Let's face it, GT! Austin would certainly be the preeminent place for something like that to occur!*


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I could sop you up with a biscuit.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

(whips out Constable badge)

"Excuse me, Miss. I'm with the Tan-Line Police. I'm going to have to inspect your tan lines for violations."


25+ years ago I worked at an Ivy-League University. During Christmas Season I wore a belt-buckle surrounded by mistletoe.

Didn't get any action, though .

So much for "liberal" women being more "sexually open"...




Today I'd be fired for "sexual harassment" or be forced to endure hours of "sensitivity training" if I did the same thing.

Ah, the folly of youth...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

More like......


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Once again, Anon pink is easily amused.


So it worked then.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lon said:


> So it worked then.


As I recall, not with that guy. But whenever my husband tells me that joke I yank off my top and take a peak myself. Then I say. "You know you're right they are!"


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


Oh boy! Fifty shades of socially inept...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Licks finger. Touches her shoulder. "Oh my. We'd better get you home and out of those wet clothes before you catch a chill."


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

"Nice legs; what time do they open?" 

"The word of the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word."

"I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock."

"I have a rare tropical disease which will kill me unless I have sex within the next half hour." 

"You're hotter than my daughter."

"Secret Service, ma'am. I need to do a full body cavity search. National security, you know."

"You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?"

"I'm the biggest lady-killer in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson." 

"Ready or not, my clothes come off in 10 seconds"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


You just seem to meet the nicest, most interesting people.


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## dtc37 (Nov 18, 2014)

Mine are. Hey, Hello, You look fun whats your name, You! get your pretty a$$ over here, and Hey I wanted to see if you're as cool as you look. All these work for me 9 out of 10


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You just seem to meet the nicest, most interesting people.


Granted, he was much more blunt than most of the offerings here, but not much different in kind.

And to his credit, he was offering to give pleasure rather than just take it.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

dtc37 said:


> Mine are. Hey, Hello, You look fun whats your name, You! get your pretty a$$ over here, and Hey I wanted to see if you're as cool as you look. All these work for me 9 out of 10


Heh. I read a webzine article yesterday that named the worst pickup lines, and "You look fun, what's your name?" was on it because the real meaning is "Are you DTF?"


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I never used a pickup line. Not ever. Which is maybe why I never 'picked up' a woman (Yuh think?)

But I had plenty friends that did. They were masters. I never listened closely enough to hear what exactly they said, but I'll tell one brief story.

My buddy, a master pick-up artist we we're at a big rally and walking into a bar. I noticed a young woman walking in at the same time out of the corner of my eye. I also noticed my buddy said something to her. Then, as we reached the bar order counter, they were 'together'. They ended up bunking together the whole weekend and he got what he wanted. I spent the whole weekend wondering WTF did he say to her those few seconds??????


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> I never used a pickup line. Not ever. Which is maybe why I never 'picked up' a woman (Yuh think?)
> 
> But I had plenty friends that did. They were masters. I never listened closely enough to hear what exactly they said, but I'll tell one brief story.
> 
> My buddy, a master pick-up artist we we're at a big rally and walking into a bar. I noticed a young woman walking in at the same time out of the corner of my eye. I also noticed my buddy said something to her. Then, as we reached the bar order counter, they were 'together'. They ended up bunking together the whole weekend and he got what he wanted. I spent the whole weekend wondering *WTF did he say to her those few seconds??????*


My tastes are very singular?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> My tastes are very singular?


"Might as well stay--I sold your car while you weren't looking"?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> "Might as well stay--I sold your car while you weren't looking"?


Nah...being at the bar, I was thinking more along the lines of "Wings...I don't eat ranch. I eat buffalo...a lot of buffalo."


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Spicy!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


If you encounter him again, you could say "We got no bushes these days."


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> If you encounter him again, you could say "We got no bushes these days."


Or say "Sorry, I just shaved."...


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> If you encounter him again, you could say "We got no bushes these days."





samyeagar said:


> Or say "Sorry, I just shaved."...


Have to say, he's looking better and better with each passing second...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Have to say, he's looking better and better with each passing second...


Honestly...what do you expect when you try to go all serious in an obviously light hearted thread?


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

You're from the south aren't you? Cause you're the only Ten-I-see


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

always_alone said:


> A couple of days ago, a guy offered me oral in the bushes, complete with illustrative tongue gesture.


And who says us men don't think about the womens' pleasure first?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I was in a bar a long time ago and a very beautiful woman was drinking next to me with a few friends. She had the Jersey hair ( I love big hair) and a slinky dress on…I wasn’t actually looking for company but did scope her as part of my routine.
So the door opens and this cute little dog comes in with its owner and make the rounds. He finally settle on her and she bent down to give the dog kisses.
Suddenly she is on my plane…dog lover.
The dog gives her a couple of quick facial kisses then skips away.
She got back on the chair and I just chuckled and said quietly “Silly Dog…”
She asked why. I gave her the slightly furrowed brow look and said “ If I ever got close enough to you to lick you, I would NEVER stop.”

Kept that up for about three years….


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Walk up to a good looking woman. Deliberatly size her and then say 
"On a 1 out of 10 scale...I give you a three."
She will naturally be insulted and will most likely demand an explanation. Then say
"Oh I use the Budwieser scale...thats how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."

You wanted bad ones right?


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Honestly...what do you expect when you try to go all serious in an obviously light hearted thread?


Hey, I just shared a story that seemed fitting with the thread topic. It was everyone else who decided that this guy was an exceptional low life or that I needed some better ammunition to shoot him down.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I was on a date once with a true blue cowboy. At the end of the date, we started kissing. I said, 'Take your hat off.' He said, 'My hat comes off, my clothes come off.'

*cough* it worked.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> I was on a date once with a true blue cowboy. At the end of the date, we started kissing. I said, 'Take your hat off.' He said, 'My hat comes off, my clothes come off.'
> 
> *cough* it worked.


You go, Girl!
:smthumbup:


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

... hand women business cards containing only the following...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> As I recall, not with that guy. But whenever my husband tells me that joke I yank off my top and take a peak myself. Then I say. "You know you're right they are!"


Pics or it didn't happen.
#runs like hell from the oncomingslap


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

C0cky overly self confident look.

I have in excess of TWO inches that can drive you wild.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

In my better marital days when I was a cop;

Waving my badge/ID 'POLICE.....OPEN UP!'. Never worked :-(


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just a few of my favorite lines from this infamous "Artist of the Pick-Up," The Man Show Boy!*










*"Hey, Babe! I'd like to be the meat in your sandwich!"

"Hey, Ladies! Would you like to go on a field-trip in my pants?"

"Hey! Does the carpet match the curtains?" *


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## dtc37 (Nov 18, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Heh. I read a webzine article yesterday that named the worst pickup lines, and "You look fun, what's your name?" was on it because the real meaning is "Are you DTF?"



It's really not what you say. but the energy and congruence behind it. But I can see how webzine can interpret that


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

dtc37 said:


> *It's really not what you say. but the energy and congruence behind it. *But I can see how webzine can interpret that













It's possible to make _anything_ sound dirty.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

"Your lips are saying 'No, No, No'...but your furrowed brow says 'Yes, Yes, Yes!' ".


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