# Husband asks for advice with money, but won't take my advice?



## Samayouchan (Jun 1, 2012)

Mu husband and I have been married going on 2 and 1/2 years now. I am a stay at home mother, and he is in the NAVY and we have our first child who just turned 5 months old. We take care of the bills together. What I mean by that is we discuss what needs to come out and when and set the amount aside to be sure its paid. MY husband however seems to be unable to let money sit in his pockets. There is a saying "money burns holes in your pockets" where I grew up in South Carolina, and that old saying is my husband to a T. 
I'm trying to get my husband to not want to throw money out when we really need it. Especially for our upcoming trip back home from Washington state to South Carolina and North Carolina. If he has his way, we would go out there with only 200$ spending cash vs a 500$ spending cash. I would rather have the 500$ but he wants to take 300$ of it and put it to new phone upgrades which could wait til the 2nd week of our trip when he gets paid again. I'm personally okay with not upgrading until after the first of July, but his phone is broken & needs to be replaced. But instead of just replacing one phone, and then waiting a week to do the other he would rather do them both at the same time leaving us only 200$ spending money. I'm just not comfortable with that. Mind you we will be staying with family while we are there so no hotel fees or anything. I just dont know how I can explain to him that its better to have more than to not have enough! He asks me to help him out b/c he even admits that he's poor at managing money, so Ive always helped him and taken care of making sure things are paid on time since we've been married. But here lately I'll say things like, that 50$ game can wait b/c we need that extra 50$ for some extra gas and diaper money. HE may or may not get it, and use the excuse " we have enough to last til next check so we're good". ITS not the POINT. He asks me what I would do, I answer and he does what he wants anyways. I dont know what to do.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Have him listen to Dave Ramsey, and take Financial Peace University.

That to me is a must for people who are illiterate about money.

Please you too, listen to Dave Ramsey, and attend FPU together.

I don't agree with Dave Ramsey 100%, but his principles are sound and have helped a lot of people. They will help you and your husband.

I don't want to brag but even with my STAHM, we have amassed an incredible amount of money. We are going through a divorce, and the attorneys are amazed at how much we have saved on our income, even though we have never felt like we sacrificed anything to save.

Best of luck.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I would feel pretty vulnerable going on a long trip with my family with less than $500, especially if we were driving. You don't expect to need a hotel room but one never knows. Even if you're flying, flights get cancelled or delayed. Cars break. Weather happens. Babies get sick. Folks get speeding tickets in Podunk and need bail money. Families can sometimes develop drama that might make leaving or finding a hotel room a desirable alternative. There is security in having options and Murphy just loves it when people make assumptions and don't prepare. My wife would say I'm overly cautious, but I don't get stuck on the side of the road, in an airport, or staying anywhere I'd rather not be. If I lost my job, we're good for several months. If my car bursts into flames this second, I have enough bread in the bank to pay cash for a new one (as if I'd ever buy a brand new car). I don't want to be dependent on anyone or stuck anywhere. 
All those little trinkets that seem so important to him today are going to be worth doodley squat in a year or two. Drop by a yard sale and see what people are getting for all the crap they thought they just had to have. 
As a military man, he might understand this analogy: Money can only be spent once. A general going into battle has the choice of spending on bullets or beans. The more beans (consumables), the fewer bullets (things you actually need to achieve your goals). I spend as little as possible on beans that will be gone tomorrow and I use as much as possible for bullets. My job actually pays rather little and my wife doesn't work, but I just picked up another $600 today from my stock account and the only thing we owe is a little on our mortgage. See what bullets can do for you?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Like some of the others have said... You guys BOTH need financial advice and help. You're riding the fine line of financial failure. And that's not likely to change without you both taking concrete actions. 

As far as why does your husband ask your advice and then not follow through? Because making the change means a sacrifice for him. It's like an overweight person asking their fit friend how can they lose weight. The answers are simple. Eat less and exercise. But that involves giving up things that some people won't give up until something in their life makes them realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. 

Personally, I think you should take both take the Ramsey class. Take it yourself, if he won't. And then take ownership of the finances, if he won't buy in. Unless you want to live the rest of your life paycheck to paycheck...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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