# Mother in Law problems



## Jobelo (Jul 7, 2010)

I'm sure that many of you have dealt with your fair share of problems with the in laws and I would like some advice. Well my husband is in the military. When we got married he had a week before he had to report to his new station because of this he wanted to spend days with his family and sleep over with me nights until he had to leave. I was completely fine with this. The problem was that he would be getting ready to come sleep over, have a yelling match with his mom and then decide not to sleep over. We only got 3 out of the 7 nights. I overheard her saying in one of the fights that all I cared about was sex and I was being immature and selfish about the whole thing and he started regurgitating those exact words when I would get upset about it. 

Between that time and the next time we were down she was in the middle of a messy divorce and was having money problems. While we were gone she kept on trying to get him to cosign on a $100,000 loan, but he said that he would not because he thinks she is a flake and not responsible with her money. When we came to visit she was putting us in the middle of her marital problems and money problems. She kept on trying to get him to cosign on a loan that was $400,000. I was dead set against it because I knew it wasn't something we could ever pay off if she didn't pay or something happened to her. He kept on trying to convince me it was all his idea to do that loan and not hers which was hard for me to believe because of her previous loan idea and his attitude towards it. Now she is trying to get us to loan her $60,000 which luckily we don't have.

In addition to all of this she calls me names (I know because he has admitted it in some heated arguments)and my depression issues "pity parties" . It seems that every time he talks to her on the phone he is unusually critical of me and calls me weak, incompetent, and timid. He always seems to defend her and denies that she causes any trouble in our marriage. What do you think that I should do?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Right after i found out that my MIL had been calling me some horrible names my H tells me that she's flying in for a visit. Didnt even tell me she was coming or think to ask me if it was ok. So i bought an airline ticket out and told him to pick which one he wanted in his life. 

i think you need to lay down the line now. as hard as it sounds your H is still connected by the umbilical cord and you need to force him to make a decision now. Either you both go to individual counseling to learn to set appropriate boundaries with his mom, or you leave. You need to learn how to stand up to him and how to set boundaries with him, too. it needs to be that harsh. you dont want to live this way. and you cant have kids in this situation.


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

I agree with Blanca.

Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you, and this seems to be one of those circumstances. You have to stand up for yourself NOW, or you will continue to be called names and be prioritized behind your MIL for as long as you'll put up with it. You don't want to have kids in this situation either, as it just gets worse when the MIL criticizes your parenting, and otherwise oversteps appropriate boundaries. I suggest reading the book "Toxic In-Laws."


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