# Is there any point to reconciling?



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Im torn to pieces. My husband caught me going twenty miles outta my way to buy breakfast, totally forgot I was on a secret mission, so I had to confess... I went to consult with an attorney about divorce.... 

Please look at my other posts to get an idea of my crazy relationship....

At times I hate him, I'm passive aggressive, and he rug sweeps everything he does. I'm supposed to just go on as if everything is okay when he messes up....that is the basics of it all.... Yes he also had an EA two years ago, but the last two years weren't spent truly recovering....at this point I'm okay to just leave him and move on with my life, but I am truly afraid! 

He cried (sorta) and begged me to think about what I was doing, all while blaming me for giving up and not loving him anymore...all of it is bs and also sums up the marriage...he never owns what he does... He only said I know I f*ck up but I love you and have always loved you and have always been there...blah blah blah...

I don't think reconciliation is an option for me anymore, I am truly tired and embarrassed of the joke we have become. BUT, AND IT IS A BIG BUT LOL. I do decided to work on it one last time, how would I even go about it?

IC, MC, FOLLOW MY RULES AND GO KINDA THING, OR WHAT?

Please advise. I'm working on the 180 which I have to admit is hard for me because I so depressed that I smell....hint hint, I don't even want to shower but I do cuz I have to... But I have been on the back burner for a long time and I am now trying really hard to lose weight, take care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually.... 

I was in IC but in the first session she rubbed me the wrong way so I'm looking for another counselor....any recommendations would be greatly appreciated...


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

First of all focus on your recovery. Find it in yourself to start repairing your self esteem and self respect. Start by taking a shower followed by getting outside for a walk even if for 10 minutes. Make getting IC a priority. If there is a chance at reconciling it won't go smoothly if you aren't in the right frame of mind. You both have to want it and both have to work for it. It won't be easy. It doesn't sound like you are in the right frame of mind to put in the effort that needs to make it work. You also have to remember that the past is the past. Yesterday doesn't exist anymore. It won't do either one of you any good to focus on the EA's. You can only move forward by working on rebuilding the trust that was lost.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

ICLH said:


> First of all focus on your recovery. Find it in yourself to start repairing your self esteem and self respect. Start by taking a shower followed by getting outside for a walk even if for 10 minutes. Make getting IC a priority. If there is a chance at reconciling it won't go smoothly if you aren't in the right frame of mind. You both have to want it and both have to work for it. It won't be easy. It doesn't sound like you are in the right frame of mind to put in the effort that needs to make it work. You also have to remember that the past is the past. Yesterday doesn't exist anymore. It won't do either one of you any good to focus on the EA's. You can only move forward by working on rebuilding the trust that was lost.


Thanks,

Thats the part that bugs me the most. I did. I let it all go but he still messed up, didnt own his hurtful behaviors, didnt apologize without me twisting his arm, I mean I know im not in the right mind frame, I walk every morning with a friend and my toddler in a stroller but I want alone time i desperately need and never have.... Instead of helping me by watching the kids so I can get some EXCERCISE alone he blocks my way and leaves the house so that I can't leave... I feel like a trapped animal...maybe the divorce is the best bet.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have read your story. Making another R attempt is a total waste of your time. Your cheating H is not remorseful, he isnt sorry at all! He blames YOU! Stop prolonging your pain and get on with the divorce.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> I have read your story. Making another R attempt is a total waste of your time. Your cheating H is not remorseful, he isnt sorry at all! He blames YOU! Stop prolonging your pain and get on with the divorce.


Hey charm! Thanks Hun, I know your right..... It never ends.... Now he's trying to entice me with money.... He says he's paying things off and finally getting our or his future set up with insurance and retirement plans but I could honestly care less. His responsibility has only come because of his therapy and although I am happy he's growing up I'm sad it took so long for it to happen. Now it's too late.... 

I'm hurting charm... I really am.... I wanted my kids to have what we didn't and we failed the miserably.... I still love him and wish that it was different and I guess that's the trap I must avoid. But I am in intense pain....my heart hurts literally, and I can't breath. Then he tries to make me see things his way and we blow up and the anger creeps up again. I wish he could see what he is doing but at this point I'm done...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

mishu143 said:


> Hey charm! Thanks Hun, I know your right..... It never ends.... Now he's trying to entice me with money.... He says he's paying things off and finally getting our or his future set up with insurance and retirement plans but I could honestly care less. His responsibility has only come because of his therapy and although I am happy he's growing up I'm sad it took so long for it to happen. Now it's too late....
> 
> I'm hurting charm... I really am.... I wanted my kids to have what we didn't and we failed the miserably.... I still love him and wish that it was different and I guess that's the trap I must avoid. But I am in intense pain....my heart hurts literally, and I can't breath. Then he tries to make me see things his way and we blow up and the anger creeps up again. I wish he could see what he is doing but at this point I'm done...


Dont be fooled, he isnt really "growing up", it wont last, so take heart. I know you are hurting, and I am sorry for what you have been through. Your kids deserve a better home life.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Dont be fooled, he isnt really "growing up", it wont last, so take heart. I know you are hurting, and I am sorry for what you have been through. Your kids deserve a better home life.


I have another post going in the think about seperating forum but here's the summary, I went to the attorney and we set up the payments and all that but he wants 2500 upfront to start the proceedings, my husband pulled money from his savings to pay credit cards which I didn't agree with and fought tooth and nail to not have done. So I keep telling him that he can do what he wants with his half but I need my half which is just enough to pay the lawyer.... I can't take it out myself for fear of him saying I stole it by forging a check, which I have always done because I am not his accounts due to a bankruptcy... Anyways, the lawyer originally told me to pull the money out before I told him what was up with the accts and then he told me not to touch it for fear of him claiming fraud, even though half is mine, the banks can press charges for fraud....my state sucks. I'm his wife but I can't do crap about the money until I get the lawyer which I can't even pay for because my money is tied up! NEVER AGAIN WILL I RELY ON A FLIPPIN MAN!

I'm going to start looking for a lawyer who will take me case and charge him for the fees or ATLEAST allow me to pay them back once I'm on my feet. Is that even realistic in s. florida?


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