# I want to confront the woman he cheated with



## watt_hapnd (Aug 14, 2010)

Since learning about his cheating, Ive always had this thought in my head: Would it be a good idea to confront her? 
Would it help me? Or will it just make things worse? My husband and I are trying to work our marriage out and I feel that if I confront her will she tell me things that he didnt?? 
So many thoughts run through my mind and its getting so frustrating. This woman is still trying to gain my husbands attention through Facebook its so annoying. He plays alot in those poker game thingees and she goes in there also. 
I just dont know, im trying my hardst to just let it go but i cant help it when this woman keeps trying to make herself visible without trying (if that makes sense) I guess shes attracting my attention because she wont go away. 

Aargh!!! What to do???


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## BigB (Jul 4, 2010)

The only confrontation you need is with your husband. The most important thing is that he chose you above her. You've won. She couldn't defeat you, even with the taste of novelty being on her side. My advise - let her lick her wounds, move on and make a good life for yourself.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

It doesn't help, trust me. My wife confronted the OW and to this day she wishes that she would have never met her in person at all. Cuz then she could have never put a face to the OW.

Being able to put a face to people makes it even more painful and real for her she told me. At least if she had never met her, the pain would be there but maybe in the back of her head she could have dismissed it as a fantasy person and not someone who was real.


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

If she wants your husband, it is very likely she will tell you things that he did/said that are not true or are embellished, just to further drive the wedge between you and your H. Do not let the curiosity get to you - leave it alone.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Confronting her isn't going to help. Sure, she'll tell you things he didn't. She'll tell you a bunch of lies to try to get you to leave him so she can have him. As someone else said, it'll put a face to it as well, and trust me, from personal experience, that's going to only set back any progress you guys have made. It will not help. I know you think it will...I've been there before. But it won't.

Let it go. Keep working through this with your husband, go to whatever counseling you need to, but don't confront the other woman.


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## watt_hapnd (Aug 14, 2010)

To be very honest, I was expecting feedback telling me to confront the person. 
Since its so hard to talk about something like this with people that have not been in my situation (outside of this forum) I guess the only person i am listening to most of all is myself and with that I try and decide whether its best to agree with myself or not. 
This person has just made me feel so much hatred towards her and i feel this way because i keep thinking to myself, why doesnt she have the balls to front up to me and tell me herself what they are up too instead of trying to hide it as if it were more safer. 
I dont know....again. I always seem to come to a dead loss when i have these thoughts to myself. 

Im beginning to agree with everyone else, after thinking about it perhaps its best for me not to. 
Would anyone know what difference it would make if i were to send this person an email? 
I dont know how this would help me, I guess i am just trying to get over whats playing in my head. 
It makes me think, that if i was to email this person, my husband would ask why i did it and too me that would make me think that the only way he would know i did (if i didnt tell him) was that she told him i did. 

Cant really talk about things like this with the ones I know, I find they are not very helpful which leads me to believe they dont know how to help and think i am not listening to them when they tell me hes an idiot and i should leave etc. 
Their opinions hurt me even more, so i feel.


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

I struggle with negative thoughts and energy toward the OW, too. It's so ugly- I hate it. The advice everyone has given you is sound, logical advice but it's hard to swallow. After all, this person trespassed on your life and you're expected to take the high road and leave them alone. 

I've been bad and emailed the OW. She was still trying to reach out to my H on facebook and craigslist and I wanted her to know how I felt about it. She was too cowardly to speak to me- even though before I knew who she was she used to stalk me at the store I stop at on my way to work and she used to drive by my house constantly. When given the chance to actually speak to me or email me- I guess deep down she knew that all the things she thought justified emotionally scarring another person were bogus. She finally crawled back under her rock.

From my experience, what I can tell you is that contacting her didn't help me in the end. Each time I did, I felt satisfied briefly. But then, I would think of something I didn't say and it would eat at me. So, I'd contact her again and it would play out the same way. 

I finally realized it was a waste of time. She will never care about me or my feelings. She will always romanticize the sleazy relationship she had with my husband. Nothing I do or say will change that.

So, watt hapnd, I guess we just have to focus on ourselves and repairing our marriages and do our best to stop thinking about the OW. Like many others have said, they're not the ones who have betrayed us. They don't really owe us any answers and deep down, do we honestly want to hear what they have to say? 

Keep your chin up and let's just hope it keeps getting easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TooTired (Jul 26, 2010)

I understand your feelings. I searched facebook until I found a mutual friend so I could see the "OW". Most days I wish I hadn't. There is a girl on one of my workout videos who kinds resembles her ( in the face only  it makes me sick, so I can't workout with my favorite video.
On the other hand, the OW posted comments about my children on a family members facebook. I have two very athletic good looking teenage boys. I sent her a message the basically said...... If you ever even think of having anything to do with my family again, especially my children I will drive to your house and wreck your world. She took herself of the friends list of everyone I know.
Curiosity is bad, but actually seeing her face in my mind is worse.

Hang in there!


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

Uh, sorry for joining in late, but did you say he's still playing in the FB poker world? And she is too???
Not sure what that is, but if he has a FB account I'd recommend kicking him off PRONTO. Cancel the account. 
FB= F*** Book. Serious. 
Do what you need to do. If you want to see her or confront her only you can decide - then it will be part of your life forever. 
But the fact that he's STILL in 'the cafe' - girlfriend, kick him OUT of that. 
I made my H cancel his and its the best thing for both of us. My H totally agrees.


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## watt_hapnd (Aug 14, 2010)

I appreciate your opinion - it is good for me to know as it is more suggestions as to how I can deal with my problem. 
It is so easy to say, yet can be hard to do. Which leads me to another topic that i would like to post upon the forum. 

The H is still in FB playing on the poker thingee but he hasnt seen or heard from the OW so he tells me. Theres alot more ways I know as to how communication doesnt necessarily end there. Hopefully, suggestions and opinions will help me to broaden my mind a little and be helpful for the future of my marriage.


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## jen213 (Aug 20, 2010)

I actually did confront the woman my husband had an affair with.It was really bad she told me alot that my husband didnt.I really struggle with trusting him now. I'm not saying dont,but I wouldnt have learned the truth from him bacause he was afraid that it would hurt me. I would just be prepared for what you might hear. I think that talking to her actually really helped me,becasue as much it hurt to hear all the nasty things that actually happend I can move on. I gave him a really hard time after because as sorry as he was he just couldnt tell me it made him feel so guilty becasue he coudnt tell me himself.I would actually say to confront her becasue if he doesnt tell you everything you will have a difficult time moving on.You will always wonder if there was more.That I think is the worst is not knowing the truth.More than anything you desreve the truth.


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