# Is it time to move on



## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Hi, most stories seem like mine but I thought I would share mine & get some feedback. (sorry bout the length)

My wife & I had been together nearly 9 years & married for about half that time. We have 2 kids together 5 & 3 & I have a 10 yr old girl from a past relationship who I have 50% of the time.

We were going along fine but like every couple had some minor issues, but my wife was still planning for the future with me like wanting a holiday to Fiji, a eternity ring & doing some things around the house etc.
Then out of the blue on a trip away she was cold towards me & I asked what's wrong & eventually I got out of her that she said the spark had gone for me. We chatted & said we would work on some things.

2 weeks later she left me claiming I was controlling, that she didn't want to look after my daughter anymore & she loved me but wasn't in love with me & surely I could have seen that we were not right etc. She moved out & eventually got her own unit.

I am part of a family business & at work one of our new employees had become quite friendly with my wife who also worked with us part time, when she left I asked if he had anything to do with leaving & of course she said no.

For the next few weeks I tried everything ,begging, pleading & every now & then got a date but I had to force her into it, funny thing was that on the dates she would really enjoy herself but the next day she would be cold towards me again.

I was still getting the i'm confused & not sure what I want etc answers & all my friends thought I must have been sleeping around or abusing her for her to turn so cold against me all of a sudden.

Well I decided to take my kids to the movies one night & when we walked into the theatre my daughter told me it was the exact same theatre that mummy & the man from work & his daughter took us to see a movie last week, well I wanted to flip but at the same time I felt better as there was a reason why this whole mess had happened.

After doing some home work I looked into our home ph records as I had no access to her mobile ph & cause this fella worked for me I had access to his mobile number & I found that she had been calling him while we were still living together & one call was at 7.40am in the morn just after I had left for work in the week leading up to her leaving.

When I confronted him he denied everything the slime bag even when I was showing him my ph records calling his number, my wife came clean & basically admitted to a e.a for up to 3 months (1 while together & 2 until my daughter busted them). Obviously I think it would have got physical. It's funny cause when you look back & piece things together it all adds up

She told me she would cut off contact & try & work on things with us. Well she did sort of try & we went away for a weekend & it was all going well but as the weekend went on she got cold towards me again (I thing she in the fog) & we basically had a big fight & ended things.

She is a manipulator as she only tried to work things out with me once she was caught out re movies, & ph calls. 

We did go to marriage counciling but I had to drag her there & the whole time she was the victim & I had to change etc

I love her & my kids so much, I am part of a successful business , provided well & am a good father. I am not prince charming but as I stated she was planning future things with me so when she says she was planning on leaving me anyway I don't believe her.

She said to me she was trying but it was never good enough, & I said that's right cause one minute she was happy & the next wanted nothing to do with me.

I this week started the 180 (is it to late ? ) & I suppose it's to help me move forward cause I have dragged my family down with me & also keen to see what response it brings from her.

Lastly I removed the guy from work & informed his wife which caused some grief at his end but the sleaze deserved it


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

If you think your wife and the sleazy OM didn't get physical after she got her own place (that was the whole idea for her own place! duh) then you're in denial. 

Continue the 180. It's for your benefit not her's or your marriage - though, it might make you more attractive to her.


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## now_awake (May 29, 2013)

Sorry you're here with the rest of us. It's never too late to start the 180, since it's to help you, not your wife or your marriage. 

Sonce your wife seems to be checked out of the marriage, I would start the divorce procedure. There is no reconciling with someone in the fog. If she snaps out of it and you decide that you want to give her another chance, the divorce can be stopped.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> If you think your wife and the sleazy OM didn't get physical after she got her own place (that was the whole idea for her own place! duh) then you're in denial.
> 
> No I mentioned that its pretty obvious that it would have got physical.
> 
> ...


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

It is never late for 180.

Oh, and in this very context,










"Drive irresponsibly."


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

Man, Sorry you are here. Your wife went out of your marriage, not you. Your wife slept with another man, (It was physical, don't kid yourself), Your wife slept with a man that worked for you. Why do you say you dragged your family down. She did! 
The 180 is a way to bring you back to reality, by giving you a plan to follow. Its not perfect, but its a start. 
I just want you to know the WS often makes us believe we drove them into doing this...their words are to make them feel better, not us. The truth is what matters and they have for some reason the hardest time telling it.:scratchhead: You will get plenty of help..keep following up.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> It is never late for 180.
> 
> Oh, and in this very context,
> 
> ...


Ha Ha , I take it you mean get of there in a hurry ?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

OP

How are her finances? Does she depend entirely on you, and your family's business for her welfare?

Does she have many close friends or relatives she respects and confides in?

Have you exposed the affair to anyone?

Do you have a goal in mind? like reconciliation or divorce?

As far as you know, is the POSOM still around as part of her life?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Your wife and OM were busted by your daughter?

May I inquire as to the nature of this occurrence? The theatre event or something else?


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> OP
> 
> How are her finances? Does she depend entirely on you, and your family's business for her welfare?
> 
> ...


She is now getting benefits from the government etc & I paying her chid support. Se worked with us but is now doing a course & looking for another job

Most of her close friends were wife's of my friends 

My family & close friends know of the affair & I tried to tell the o/m wife, but due to legal reasons with him leaving work have had to back off for the time being.

Not quite sure what POSOM means but I take it the o/m ? That I can't answer

This has dragged on for over 3 months, one because she is stunning & I love her & I wanted to be with my kids & keep our family together. & cause she was so up & down, just over 2 weeks ago we all went out for tea & she was crying telling me that this could be the best thing to happen to us & then few days later cold towards me again.

It's only now that I have woken up & realised to p**s her off & get on with my life


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> Your wife and OM were busted by your daughter?
> 
> May I inquire as to the nature of this occurrence? The theatre event or something else?


By busted I mean by saying that they all went to the movies together lifted the lid on their affair (just friends according to her) & got me looking further into things

I & other people already had our doubts about the 2 of them


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

The OM is now official toilet mucker right?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

OP

She may have a beautiful body but her beauty like her loyalty is only as deep as her skin... not much. 

Real beauty is far more than looks. There's a lesson in this episode in your life that you can pass on to your children. Self-respect is important. 

You seem to be doing well, seek some individual counseling. 

Are your children reacting okay to this? This should be your priority.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> OP
> 
> 
> Do you have a goal in mind? like reconciliation or divorce?
> ...


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> OP
> 
> She may have a beautiful body but her beauty like her loyalty is only as deep as her skin... not much.
> 
> ...


All the above re beauty is well said. 

The children are ok , the eldest is not her normal self , the middle one is only 5 & she is rebelling to say the least & the young fella is only 3 & he doesn't really understand what's happening.

Sad part is when she originally left I mentioned staying together for the kids & she said that they will be ok every 2nd family is a split one now


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> All along I wanted to reconcile, I know what she has done is wrong etc , but cause I already have a daughter to a past relationship I never wanted to be in that situation again.
> 
> Now though i'm starting to feel like I should towards someone who does that to you & to be honest i'm not 100% sure anymore even if she came back begging. My family don't want her back anyway so that would be a big hurdle


I can understand your desire to have a happy family and probably reconciliation seems like a possibility. 

But at the moment, and for the past few months (at a minimum) you've been betrayed and sandbagged - by the person who's supposed to have your back - the mother of two of your children. 


Did she say WHY she was unhappy in the marriage? Or do you think she just fell for the POSOM (piece of sh!t other man's) line of bullsh!t?

If she ever does come back showing REAL remorse and wants to reunite with you and convinces you that she wants to do so for the right reasons then you can weigh your options. But I wouldn't hold my breath for any length of time. 

If you proceed with divorce it may be enough to shake her up a bit if she's 'shakeable'.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> I can understand your desire to have a happy family and probably reconciliation seems like a possibility.
> 
> But at the moment, and for the past few months (at a minimum) you've been betrayed and sandbagged - by the person who's supposed to have your back - the mother of two of your children.
> 
> ...


Look everything you said at the top is spot on, I have been treated like a piece of s**t. Now i'm at the point where i'm not texting her & only returning hers if it has to do with the kids.

I am open to listen to her if she came back remorseful etc but until or if that ever happens i'm doing the 180 & getting my balls back

I will admit that I had some area's to improve & through the mc we were going I was improving those area's & she even admitted that I was a better person for it. But she never hardly mentioned any of the problems she apparently can't put up with until she left.

In my eye's I guess we were like most couples, not 100% but I certainly didn't see this coming. & I suppose until I found out about om I was staggered at why we weren't after nearly 9 years not trying to give it a 2nd chance


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Line

The 180 Is to help you get strong and detach from your wife.

She will feel the change in you most likely.

If she has left you and the kids then you should file for D.

You deserve better. Go find it.

HM


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lie detector for her as soon as you can, if reconciliation is on the cards.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Lie detector for her as soon as you can, if reconciliation is on the cards.


Can you buy them for personal use ?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> ... I have been treated like a piece of s**t...
> 
> ...I will admit that I had some area's to improve & through the mc we were going I was improving those area's ...
> 
> ... But she never hardly mentioned any of the problems she apparently can't put up with until she left...


OP

Don't put much stock into what she said about you and the marriage. 

You need to know that very often a married woman in an affair (and is not a psychopath) will want to see herself as basically a 'good person'. For this reason, she HAS to view the husband as 'not worthy' and thus finds the smallest things to complain about to justify the affair. 

Additionally, brain chemistry changes her mood - the desire to be a 'good and faithful' companion is transferred to the POSOM and you become the villain. 

So, regardless of "how hard" you tried to address whatever issues you had (we all have them) it wouldn't be enough and in fact would probably irritate her more. So don't get down on yourself. Not at all.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> Can you buy them for personal use ?


Yes, but you would be better to hire a professional operator and his/her equipment as they are the experts,


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Have a family member or friend inform POS's BW....I'm sure she will be thrilled to know this F'ing scumbag brought her child over to meet his AP.

Ruin this POS in every way possible. 

He just likely helped destroy your children's family and deserves every bit of h**l you can rain down on him.

I hope you can reach out and blacklist the POS in your career field, and of course his job references should be s**t if you are contacted by anyone he applies to work for.

Screwing your boss' wife.

What an utter dumba**.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

As far as your WW goes, I would kick her to the curb so fast her head would spin.

Not only did she cheat in your M, she did it in such a way to humiliate you at your business, in front of family and employees.

I think you should dump her as hard and soon as possible.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm is right have a third party let the wife know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> Have a family member or friend inform POS's BW....I'm sure she will be thrilled to know this F'ing scumbag brought her child over to meet his AP.
> 
> Ruin this POS in every way possible.
> 
> ...


Totally agree with all the above & in due time I will, I would now but due to agreement in getting him to leave work I don't want anything coming back on us. Once things cool down then will inform his wife


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Dyokemm is right have a third party let the wife know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes I agree


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Anonymous email from concerned parent.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

File for divorce. Get her out of your life.

This is war and she is the enemy.

That is the only way she may wake up out of the fog.

If she is ever around, have a VAR so you can protect yourself.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Yes it is time


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

Line In The Sand said:


> Hi, most stories seem like mine but I thought I would share mine & get some feedback. (sorry bout the length)
> 
> My wife & I had been together nearly 9 years & married for about half that time. We have 2 kids together 5 & 3 & I have a 10 yr old girl from a past relationship who I have 50% of the time.
> 
> ...


"Is it time to move on?"

Yes


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

harrybrown said:


> File for divorce. Get her out of your life.
> 
> This is war and she is the enemy.
> 
> ...


Here in Australia unfortunately you need to be separated for at least 12 months before you can file for divorce. Well at least that's what i'm led to believe


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to let the other mans wife in on everything to stop the affair. How is contacting her going to hurt you business wise. Feed him to the crocs.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have a friend put him on. Cheaterville.com and send her he link annoymously. Cowboy up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Have a friend put him on. Cheaterville.com and send her he link annoymously. Cowboy up.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She is either still into her lover---or she is not able to withdraw from him cold turkey

If you want an R---you need to become very hard about this---"NICE" WILL NOT WORK

You are seeing that now, in that she is OK, for a couple of days---then she goes cold on you

Do not let her manipulate you, no matter what---as you can see---she has no problem, giving herself to another man---so even if you fix this situation---it very well could happen again---when she is again---BORED WITH YOU AND HER LIFESTYLE


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> You need to let the other mans wife in on everything to stop the affair. How is contacting her going to hurt you business wise. Feed him to the crocs.


I gave him the option of handing in his resignation or I would tell his wife, so he handed in his resignation. I still wanted to tell his wife but it's a family business & my Dad & brother are worried he will go down the legal path if I go back on my word.

After a certain length of time 4-6 weeks then it doesn't matter


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Have a friend put him on. Cheaterville.com and send her he link annoymously. Cowboy up.


How does it work ?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> I gave him the option of handing in his resignation or I would tell his wife, so he handed in his resignation. I still wanted to tell his wife but it's a family business & my Dad & brother are worried he will go down the legal path if I go back on my word.
> 
> After a certain length of time 4-6 weeks then it doesn't matter


No sense cryin' over spilled milk but.... for 'future reference' the choice you gave him was not a wise idea. 

You should have told his wife on GP and I'm pretty sure she would have made him quit. Or you could have made his showing up to 'clock in' a different reality. But as I said, spilled milk. 

Unfortunately, he by now, has spun a great tale to his wife on why he had to quit. "He couldn't stand the unreasonable jealously you were showing. He!! you might even be on drugs for all he knows" 

Now when you reveal the truth to her she will remember what her H said. You'll want to have proof to show her. Lots of it.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> No sense cryin' over spilled milk but.... for 'future reference' the choice you gave him was not a wise idea.
> 
> You should have told his wife on GP and I'm pretty sure she would have made him quit. Or you could have made his showing up to 'clock in' a different reality. But as I said, spilled milk.
> 
> ...


Well I do have some proof ph records, but yes you are right it was done the wrong way


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

"Lastly I removed the guy from work & informed his wife which caused some grief at his end but the sleaze deserved it"

??


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> "Lastly I removed the guy from work & informed his wife which caused some grief at his end but the sleaze deserved it"
> 
> ??


Yes after prompting him to hand in his resignation a week later I text his wife alerting her that I had some info re my wife & her husband, well he got hold of the message & then called my brother threatening legal action re work if I didn't tell her it was a lie etc

So reluctantly to save drama's at work I made up some excuses why I messaged ,stress due to marriage breakdown & thought there was something going on between the 2 of them etc & I was wrong !

I didn't want to do it but to sooth things down was forced to


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Unless the laws are totally different (and insane) in Austrailia than they are in the States, I don't see what grounds this POS would have for legal action.

He was screwing the boss' W...he could be instantly fired just for that alone.

I'd love to see this piece of filth even try to sue.

But I don't see why you would have even entered into this deal at all yourself.

You should have simply informed his BW and then immediately fired his a**.


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## Doyle (Mar 6, 2013)

Dont know how it is in the usa or oz but in the u.k they have constructive dismisal, dont know much about it all but i geuss you could be pulled up over that if you were over here. 
Every where has its own rules


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Doyle said:


> Dont know how it is in the usa or oz but in the u.k they have constructive dismisal, dont know much about it all but i geuss you could be pulled up over that if you were over here.
> Every where has its own rules


That's why it's not the risk & such a grey area & had to sooth things down. Yes I should have told his wife straight away but coulda, shoulda, woulda


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Have a friend put him on. Cheaterville.com and send her he link annoymously. Cowboy up.


So how does this cheaterville work ?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Remind me to never marry an Aussie woman. Sorry LITS, but you have some seriously fvcked up women on that big island.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Ok,so it's been basically 4 months sine all this started, so bit confused on what to do. We were at the solicitors the other day to sign paperwork to sell the house & we started talking settlements etc & she said she wanted 50% & I laughed.

We got chatting & she said she still wasn't 100% sure if she was doing the right thing. & we agreed to let things be & even try doing things together & when the house settles (in 7 weeks) make a decision then if it's 100% over or not.
I have no idea if she in contact with om as we not living together but due to our kids we are always in contact & seeing each other.

She did say she doesn't think I will ever get past what she has done & I agreed I wasn't sure myself.

Funny thing is through a friend a girl asked them if I would be interested in catching up with her & while it did my confidence & ego good I politely declined at this stage.

I told my wife (& it wasn't to get her jealous, more so that this needs to be sorted out one way or another so I can move on) & she said "gee, didn't take you long to move on" I pissed myself laughing at her & said I don't think you are in a position to comment"

Tbh I don't think she is still in contact with the om & she is just down on life & couldn't give 2 stuffs either way.

So I am confused, do I try 1 last time with her (I miss my kids & don't want to lose at least half of everything I have worked for & I still for some reason love her, do I still tell the o/m wife or do I just give it up move on & go on a date with this girl who asked my friend about me


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I could be wrong but from what all you wrote it sounds like its time to move on. She just comes to you now and says she is not sure. You said its been four months right? How long does it take for someone to really decide if they want to be married or not. 

I personally was never able to get over the cheating. Sadly with that being said she kept cheating and our marriage failed. You have to decide what you want but as for me I feel I seriously wasted time. 

Clay


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> I could be wrong but from what all you wrote it sounds like its time to move on. She just comes to you now and says she is not sure. You said its been four months right? How long does it take for someone to really decide if they want to be married or not.
> 
> I personally was never able to get over the cheating. Sadly with that being said she kept cheating and our marriage failed. You have to decide what you want but as for me I feel I seriously wasted time.
> 
> Clay


Basically for the whole time she has never been sure what she wanted. Well for the 1st 2 months she was having her cake etc. We then tried for few weeks & she was hot & cold (fog I think) & then for few weeks we basically did nothing & now this


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I am really sorry you are going through this. She has made her choice and now she wants you to just wait until she decides. That is wrong on so many levels. You have to protect you. She is going to keep playing this game until you put a stop to it. 


Clay


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Have to agree with Clay on this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> I am really sorry you are going through this. She has made her choice and now she wants you to just wait until she decides. That is wrong on so many levels. You have to protect you. She is going to keep playing this game until you put a stop to it.
> 
> 
> Clay


I know it's wrong & I should tell her to p**s off etc. Cause she moved out & the house is to big etc I put it on the market & it just recently sold. So soon it will settle & if I put a end to it she will want her piece of the pie, I put everything thing into the house as when we met she had nothing.

She has already said that if over she wants 50% so she can set her & the kids up.

So to put a end to it it's going to cost me lots


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Of course she is worried about financial security but she seems more intent on 50% of assets than on 100% marriage. I could be wrong but that's what I get from your description. 

If the OM is truly out of the picture and she's not foggy anymore (and she shouldn't be after seeing how sincere you are about the state of the marriage) she should be falling all over herself making promises etc. 

The fact that she's waffling and declaring that 'you'll never forgive her' etc is some evidence that she's really ready to completely sever the relationship. 

She wasn't drugged or drunk when she decided to take up with OM right under your nose! How cold and disrespectful is that?!

Naw, there's no sign that she's ready to make a wife. She may want to 'try again' to mollify you so she can later plead that 'she tried' w/o the OM being in her life and it just didn't work. She may be hoping that you'll relent to allow 50/50. 

Stick to a plan and the 180. She's not even close to warranting a second look. Patience.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Of course she is worried about financial security but she seems more intent on 50% of assets than on 100% marriage.
> 
> Correct
> 
> ...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell the omw everything. Go to cheaterville.com and post him on there.

Then wait for a reaction from your wife. If she goes nuclear, you know they are still involved. If she doesnt care you can proceed to r if you like. If she doesn't bring it up at all, she either cares less about him or they are not still in contact.

She may be non comittal because she feels guilt, thinks she doesn't deserve you or that you won't be able to get over it.

No guts, no glory.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The problem you had was begging and pleading while she was having it all her way. If she really wanted to make the marriage work, she would have been the one doing the begging and pleading.

As far as the OM goes with his threats about taking legal action if you tell his wife, I don't see how he has a leg to stand on. It's not like you made it all up and spread a bunch of lies. He was having an affair with your wife plain and simple so IMO, tell his wife and if he makes threats tell him to bring it on.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

6301 said:


> The problem you had was begging and pleading while she was having it all her way. .


Hindsight is great, I wished I just walked away etc & see if she would have come back begging?

A few people have mentioned cheaterville, can you do that anonymously ?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Line In The Sand said:


> Totally agree with all the above & in due time I will, I would now but due to agreement in getting him to leave work I don't want anything coming back on us. Once things cool down then will inform his wife


sorry but this is the worst mistake you could had done, exposure is a neccesity to break the affair, now that OM is not under your nose and she is not living with you, chances is that they are having a PA witout restrictions, I am not trying to make you angry by saying this, we have many cases like yours were exposure with the APs spouse was not realized (even after the OM swear to dissapear) and the OM instead of being thankful or learning his lesson, he kept fishing and eating his cake.

I can think in two cases right now DevastatedDad and mr Mathias both found the affair when was just emotional, both confronted their wives and the OMs, both wives swear being regreteful and not contacting the OM anymore, in both cases they did not expouse the OM to not cause conflicts in their comunnity or job place or family, in both cases the OM after a while keep fishing their wives and in both cases the OMs eventually get to sleep with their wives.

so you have to expose as fast as possible


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> walkonmars said:
> 
> 
> > Of course she is worried about financial security but she seems more intent on 50% of assets than on 100% marriage.
> ...


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> Line In The Sand said:
> 
> 
> > Dear Line In The Sand,
> ...


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

have you seek legal advice in this matter with a laboral lawyer to see your options?, or you are just inferring things, I am a employee so I must admit there are things I ignore, but I doubt that if you have proves of an improper behaviour with the wifes employer you will have problems with law, in fact I am sure that for shame to reaveal the incident and pollute his CV he will try to take any kind of legal action against you.

at least try take evidence of the affair, hire a PI to monitor your wife place to see if she is having sex with the OM, man sorry but you are to passive in this situation, nobody is going to fight this battle for you.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

manticore said:


> but I doubt that if you have proves of an improper behaviour with the wifes employer you will have problems with law,
> 
> No, I am the employer,my wife worked with us also, the om was one of my employees
> 
> All I have is ph records & a admission from my wife to basically a e.a


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Re cheaterville, go there and look through the site. Other posters have posted as if they were just someone that knew of the affair. There is an annonymous email function also to email people that need to know.

Its the quickest way to get heir attention. Just tell the truth as you know it, it can't be libel if its true.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

It's too bad posom and family members are calling the shots. The balance of power hopefully will shift to you. If you have any chance at all at ever reconciling, the affair has to be over. You don't know that it has because posom has not been served with the ultimate consequence - exposure to his wife! When exposure happens, he will likely beg his own wife for forgiveness, and throw your wife under under the bus. Your wife may be still pining for him.

I hope you really go forward (as soon as you can) and expose to her (make sure it's not intercepted). He has no right to ruin your life and then threaten you about lawsuits.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Line In The Sand said:


> manticore said:
> 
> 
> > but I doubt that if you have proves of an improper behaviour with the wifes employer you will have problems with law,
> ...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm not up on Australian labor law, but I can tell you that in the US; you wouldn't have much to worry about for firing an employee who bedded your wife. It's a very reasonable cause and I'd find it hard to believe the law is that much different there.

But I guess the POSOM could still claim that he had a verbal contract with you to resign; with the consideration being you don't expose him to his wife. That would be pretty far fetched - even if he had proof of the contract.

If you have evidence of the affair that could be displayed in court, I'd think that it would be very unlikely he'd want to put that out for public display.

Talk to an attorney about this of course. But exposing him is so important, I'd be willing to take a small calculated risk to do it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You don't want to give her half? How are you going to feel down the road when this happens again and you have even more to lose than you do now?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Line In The Sand said:


> She did say she doesn't think I will ever get past what she has done & I agreed I wasn't sure myself.


This is her way to end the marriage without being the one to blame (in her head). It was not her behavior the ended things between you, it is you inability to get past it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is he still seeing your wife, it looks like that would cancel any agreement.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

lewmin said:


> It's too bad posom and family members are calling the shots. The balance of power hopefully will shift to you. If you have any chance at all at ever reconciling, the affair has to be over. You don't know that it has because posom has not been served with the ultimate consequence - exposure to his wife! When exposure happens, he will likely beg his own wife for forgiveness, and throw your wife under under the bus. Your wife may be still pining for him.
> 
> I hope you really go forward (as soon as you can) and expose to her (make sure it's not intercepted). He has no right to ruin your life and then threaten you about lawsuits.


I totally agree. Yes I have been a bit weak & wanted her back etc , but I have also wanted him & her to be held accountable for what I have been through, & due to like you mentioned him & my family dictating to me have been fully completely unable to


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Re cheaterville, go there and look through the site. Other posters have posted as if they were just someone that knew of the affair. There is an annonymous email function also to email people that need to know.
> 
> Its the quickest way to get heir attention. Just tell the truth as you know it, it can't be libel if its true.


Thanks


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> carmen ohio said:
> 
> 
> > Look I completely agree with what your saying , but in a way my hands have been tied as I am part of a family business (father & Brother also) & when I confronted them & wanted this idiot out of my shop they were worried re unfair dismissal, so I bribed him that I would tell his wife if he didn't hand in his resignation, well the next day he handed it it. My brother & father made me promise that this was the end of it & to leave it alone.
> ...


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> Line In The Sand said:
> 
> 
> > LITS,
> ...


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Ok so with everyone's advice (which I totally respect & agree with) is to tell om wife everything which I am going to do, just a question though,
on Sat night my wife & I are going to a night where some of the parents of the kids in our daughters school class all go out for a get together dinner/drinks etc & she is going to pick me up so it's bit like a date I suppose, & in a couple of weeks I was taking my 2 daughters to see a Taylor Swift concert as originally my wife was going to take them, but today we arranged that she would still come & we will make a weekend of it.

So do I still tell the om wife everything ? I say yes cause atm she still not exactly jumping through hoops to see me even though she asked me to this dinner thing.


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## cheaponlinedivorce (Nov 28, 2013)

My husband did the same with a client (he is a contractor). She would call all the time needing this thing or that all the while pretending to be friendly with me. With the help of budgetlegal.com I divorced him after 30 years of marriage. It hurt but the hurt does not last.

Good Luck!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes you tell the OMW Everything.

Not to hurt your wife but so the OMW is informed, aware of the situation and can monitor her own husband.

This Helps you take control of this lousy situation.

Exposure helps kill the affair.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> So do I still tell the om wife everything ? I say yes cause atm she still not exactly jumping through hoops to see me even though she asked me to this dinner thing.


I usually say to expose, expose, but my word means a lot to me, even no matter what someone else did. You told him you wouldn't (even though you did and recanted). Once a bell has been rung it can't be unrung, she knows, even if she isn't jumping to call you. Not all BS do and that is their decision to make, whether we think it is right or wrong. You told your business partners you would leave it alone so........leave it alone. 

Your wife has already confessed, so if she goes to him she goes to him, you can't stop her. I know this is a tough time for you, but I want to wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

VFW said:


> I usually say to expose, expose, *but my word means a lot to me, even no matter what someone else did.* You told him you wouldn't (even though you did and recanted). Once a bell has been rung it can't be unrung, she knows, even if she isn't jumping to call you. Not all BS do and that is their decision to make, whether we think it is right or wrong. You told your business partners you would leave it alone so........leave it alone.
> 
> Your wife has already confessed, so if she goes to him she goes to him, you can't stop her. I know this is a tough time for you, but I want to wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving.


There's only one thing worse than making a bad promise and that's keeping a bad promise. This was a whopper.

Call the OMW. This is your marriage at stake. Besides, which promise means more to you; the one you made him, or the ones you made to your WW on your wedding day?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

At this point by refuting your story to the OMW you have no way of knowing if the affair is ongoing.

Like I said, out him, then you will find out by your wife's reaction if the affair is still ongoing and whether or not there is any hope at this point of keeping your family together.

Two wrongs do not make it right. Promising to put your family last by not fighting tooth and nail to save it was wrong, out him now is making that right. Continuing to protect the OM while your family goes down the drain, is a second wrong. 

The best outcome is if your wife doesn't bring it up, just as good is if she thinks its fine that he also has to carry the weight he is expecting you to shoulder alone.

The worst case is if she comes at you like a rabid dingo for hurting the OM. But even at that you get the information you need to move on.

The most important thing to remember is that you had nothing to do with this mess but as the man and leader of your family, you have the responsibility to clean it up.

Use "the guy"'s mantra, "I deserve good things."


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, if she does come at you pissed off about effing with the om, tell her you've just getting started and she better put her big girl shorts on, its going to get bumpy.

Check this blog and book out Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Can a midlife crisis be tied into this whole mess ? I found some "14 signs a midlife crisis is destroying your marriage" thing on the net & heaps of the things were spot on. It's not just the affair but she just seems to be a completely different person to the girl I knew & married


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> Can a midlife crisis be tied into this whole mess ? I found some "14 signs a midlife crisis is destroying your marriage" thing on the net & heaps of the things were spot on. It's not just the affair but she just seems to be a completely different person to the girl I knew & married


No, it is indeed "just" the affair. It's the same as every other story you've read about here. It's an addiction to having her needs met by someone other than her husband that is the driving force, not a MLC. I know she is different right now, but it's not much unlike if she were to all of a sudden become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Actually, it exactly the same. She's feeding off all the brain chemical releases that come with falling for someone. It's very powerful.

I understand your need to label this to better understand it, but it's really just the addict in her. And the longer you don't do something, the more gone she's going to get. 

Call this POSOM's BW, and that will be the biggest step you can take in pulling her out of this mess she's gotten herself into. Also, after you call her, it's also time to call all family members and friends that can help in putting the pressure on her. Affairs thrive in the darkness, but when exposed to the light of day, the participating parties scramble for cover. Just like turning on the light in a crack house.

Again though, the longer you put this off, the worse your chances are of recovering your marriage. The longer you wait, the more entrenched it gets, and the more time she has to rewrite your marital history to friends and family to justify her actions.....and you can bet she's at it right now.

I know it's scary, but look at it this way: Just how much worse could it get than right now?


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

So how long can a ww be in limbo/fog & not really make a effort towards their partner even if they have nc with their affair partner ?


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

I am still worried re legal repercussions & work, so what about a anonymous text to the om wife ?


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Line In The Sand said:


> I am still worried re legal repercussions & work, so what about a anonymous text to the om wife ?



STOP ASKING AND START ACTING!!!
You got all the great advise needed, but still in limbo...... :sleeping:


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> I am still worried re legal repercussions & work, so what about a anonymous text to the om wife ?


Other man is threatening legal action.

Have you sought any advice from a legal professional?

If not, why not?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> We were going along fine but like every couple had some minor issues, but my wife was still planning for the future with me *like wanting a holiday to Fiji, a eternity ring* & doing some things around the house etc.


Had to look up what an eternity ring was. How long before she left you was she asking for one? What did she say when she asked for it? Anything about how it symbolized never-ending love? What about the trip to Fiji? How much was she pushing for these things?

_An eternity ring is a lady's ring, worn on the hand, comprising a band of precious metal (usually gold) set with a continuous line of identically cut gemstones (usually diamonds) to symbolize never-ending love, usually given from a husband to his wife on the occasion of a significant anniversary.

The concept of the diamond eternity ring was created in the 1960s by diamond merchant De Beers. De Beers embarked on a campaign of promotion of jewelry containing a number of small diamonds culminating in the eternity ring, which was aimed at older, married women. One campaign slogan, aimed at husbands, was "She married you for richer or poorer. Let her know how it’s going."_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> This has dragged on for over 3 months, *one because she is stunning* & I love her & I wanted to be with my kids & keep our family together. & cause she was so up & down, just over 2 weeks ago we all went out for tea & she was crying telling me that this could be the best thing to happen to us & then few days later cold towards me again.
> 
> Can a *midlife crisis *be tied into this whole mess ? I found some "14 signs a midlife crisis is destroying your marriage" thing on the net & heaps of the things were spot on. It's not just the affair but she just seems to be a completely different person to the girl I knew & married
> 
> So how long can a ww be in *limbo/fog *& not really make a effort towards their partner *even if they have nc *with their affair partner ?


She doesn't have no contact with her affair partner. She still is in contact with other man every day, he still is dipping his wick in your wife. You can take it to the bank. He is stringing your wife along, telling her he loves her, too, wants to leave his wife but can't because of whatever, doesn't have sex with his wife, one day soon they will be together, etc.

Your wife is in love with him, or at least thinks she is, but she is not so stupid as to not see right through other man. Problem is, she really, really wants to believe him. Even though, logically, she knows she should not.

Meanwhile, she is doing "just enough" to keep you on the hook. She doesn't want to let you go until she has safely landed with the other man. If it doesn't work out with the other man, then she can always come back to you. That's a nice feeling for your wife to have, that no matter what, she will have a man to go to who can take care of her, if not him, then you. In other words, YOUR WIFE HAS NO FEAR OF LOSING YOU, she takes you for granted, that at any time she can always come back to you, beg for forgiveness, and you will take her back in an instant. We can see it from out here in cyberspace, your wife can smell it like a shark with blood in the water.

You posted that the reason you have let your wife manipulate you as long as she has is "one because she is stunning." You think you would be more ready to move on or care as much if she was ugly?

OK, three months this had been going on, and now another two weeks, and you are posting questions like you just found out about it last night with all the "fog" and "midlife crisis" psycho-babble.

If you want to reconcile, 

1. Decide what is acceptable to you and what is not acceptable to you in your marriage. Write it down so you don't forget when you talk to your wife. No contact with other man. Moves back in with you. Tells you the truth about the affair and is willing to take a polygraph to prove it if the story doesn't make sense. Gives you passwords for phone and accounts and allows you to verify no contact as much as you feel you need to so that you don't waste any more time with her if she still is cheating on you.

2. Tell your wife you want to reconcile, you still love her but you are not waiting any more while she continues her affair with other man, then tell her what needs to happen if she wants to reconcile, otherwise you will be heading for divorce and moving on. Tell her she has one day to decide, she should let you know by 9 am the next day, because that gives you enough time to go seek legal advice about dissolving your relationship. Then follow through.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I thought you Aussie guys were macho tough guys. What are you afraid of?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

So what about legal ramifications? The OM wants to sue? Fine. Get him and your WW up on the stand in front of a courtroom and their families and let your lawyer grille them about their affair. All the dirty details. 

Blow it wide open. Let the truth take its course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LostViking said:


> So what about legal ramifications? The OM wants to sue? Fine. Get him and your WW up on the stand in front of a courtroom and their families and let your lawyer grille them about their affair. All the dirty details.
> 
> Blow it wide open. Let the truth take its course.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How are you doing?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

LostViking said:


> I thought you Aussie guys were macho tough guys. What are you afraid of?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


$30K Unfair dismissal claim & when I initially tried to tell om wife , when my dad & brother found out they went ballistic at me (only worried bout getting sued & not my life falling apart) & told me to grow up & be a man & move on & let it go. I told them I would have been a man & knocked this bloke out but that wouldn't look real flash & employer assaulting one of his staff


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Other man is threatening legal action.
> 
> Have you sought any advice from a legal professional?
> 
> If not, why not?


Hopefully this week I will be catching up with a business associate who was lawyer before moving into another field, he called me & asked how I was doing etc & that if I wanted some free advice he was more than happy to give it, we were meant to catch up last week but he had to cancel


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I'm sorry but you know what? Fvck your dad and fvck your brother. They are selfish slime looking out for their own butts. 

Man if I were you I would find a new job and then tell all of them to go to hell. I did that with my azzhole dad twenty- two years ago, emigrated to the US and I have never regretted it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

LostViking said:


> I'm sorry but you know what? Fvck your dad and fvck your brother. They are selfish slime looking out for their own butts.
> 
> Man if I were you I would find a new job and then tell all of them to go to hell. I did that with my azzhole dad twenty- two years ago, emigrated to the US and I have never regretted it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It f**ckin sucks cause that is the main thing holding me back blowing the lid on this sleaze & wiping the smirk off both my wife & his faces.

I have a great relationship with my brother & dad & when this all blew up when I tried to tell his wife they lost it with me & made me promise to let it go. It's not that im a whimp it's just that my work had been suffering due to the whole ordeal & they wanted me get into shape & focus back on work & move on.

I just don't want it to blow up in my face again. Everyone on here has been giving great advice on what I should do, it's just that fear of it all going pear shaped holding me back atm


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Line In The Sand said:


> It f**ckin sucks cause that is the main thing holding me back blowing the lid on this sleaze & wiping the smirk off both my wife & his faces.
> 
> I have a great relationship with my brother & dad & when this all blew up when I tried to tell his wife they lost it with me & made me promise to let it go. It's not that im a whimp it's just that my work had been suffering due to the whole ordeal & they wanted me get into shape & focus back on work & move on.
> 
> I just don't want it to blow up in my face again. Everyone on here has been giving great advice on what I should do, it's just that fear of it all going pear shaped holding me back atm


Your dad should have your best interests at heart, and allowing an employee to bang his son's wife shows zero regard for his son. 

I cannot believe he told you to quit being a wimp and let it go. I don't know how you kept from hauling off and punching him. A brother I can understand doing that, because brothers are devious sometimes, but a father doing that to his son? That is unforgivable. He should have had your back. He failed.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Your dad should have your best interests at heart, and allowing an employee to bang his son's wife shows zero regard for his son.
> 
> I cannot believe he told you to quit being a wimp and let it go. I don't know how you kept from hauling off and punching him. A brother I can understand doing that, because brothers are devious sometimes, but a father doing that to his son? That is unforgivable. He should have had your back. He failed.


That sux!:iagree::iagree:


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

We went together to our daughters school class end of year get together drinks for the parents last night & we got along like we were fine, but when it came down to it she said she feels weird around me etc , so I basically said ok we are done then, today I went round to her place & started talking settlement figures etc & we both seemed to reach a fair outcome for both.

Until yesterday I was all keen to blow the lid with the om wife but even though she cried a little today when we were discussing figures , I just don't think she cares for me anymore & not sure that telling om wife would actually do anything (unless they were still together) 

On the other hand maybe I should just cause of the grief he has caused me the ugly rat


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

You seem to want to find any excuse you can to avoid exposing the OM. 

It's your life mate....do whatever you want.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Always tell the other (wo)man's betrayed spouse, unless they are mentally ill and will chase you in the street with a kitchen knife. Why should they live a lie?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Line In The Sand said:


> We went together to our daughters school class end of year get together drinks for the parents last night & we got along like we were fine, but when it came down to it she said she feels weird around me etc , so I basically said ok we are done then, today I went round to her place & started talking settlement figures etc & we both seemed to reach a fair outcome for both.
> 
> Until yesterday I was all keen to blow the lid with the om wife but even though she cried a little today when we were discussing figures , I just don't think she cares for me anymore & not sure that telling om wife would actually do anything (unless they were still together)
> 
> On the other hand maybe I should just cause of the grief he has caused me the ugly rat


This sounds like the affair is still going on and you are quivering with fear of the other man. There is no doubt which of you is the better man in your wifes eyes.

Expect a replay of this scenario in your next relationship.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

cheaterville.

although... bloke is Aussie idiom right?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> cheaterville.
> 
> although... bloke is Aussie idiom right?


I'm not sure but I remember Aussies, British and New Zealanders posting on cheaterville. Does google give you answers from the U.S. when people form other countries use it?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Exposing for me was the most self empowering thing I did during the affair. I basically said, I'm not putting up with this shlt anymore. Damn the consequences.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Always tell the other (wo)man's betrayed spouse, unless they are mentally ill and will chase you in the street with a kitchen knife. Why should they live a lie?


Well she does have bi polar apparently, this has played a little in the back of my mind


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> cheaterville.
> 
> although... bloke is Aussie idiom right?


Yes, I looked on their website but don't know om's wifes e mail address to send them the link, otherwise I doubt a good faithful wife is just randomly going to check that website


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> This sounds like the affair is still going on and you are quivering with fear of the other man. There is no doubt which of you is the better man in your wifes eyes.
> 
> Expect a replay of this scenario in your next relationship.


Well I have told everyone except the om wife which I tried & got intercepted & then reigned in by my family, I confronted the om obviously at work & had 3 separate private meetings with him where I verbally gave it to him (not good if employer attacks staff member at work no matter what the situation) he lives in a town 30 min from here so it's not like I live in the same town & bump into him every day.

Yes I still have to properly inform his wife but as I have explained in previous posts have been worried bout legal issues etc & repercussions from my family if s**t hits the fan again.

I would love nothing more than to bring this rats world down believe me


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

So have your WW tell her. She should do something to prove that you are her number one and only one. 

Have her tell the OMW how sorry she is for what she did.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

harrybrown said:


> So have your WW tell her. She should do something to prove that you are her number one and only one.
> 
> Have her tell the OMW how sorry she is for what she did.


That's the problem, she isn't real remorseful , even when I blew the lid on it she was sorry & sent a few texts saying how sorry she was but when face to face wasn't exactly promising the world bout how she wanted to make it up to me etc


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Line In The Sand said:


> Well I have told everyone except the om wife which I tried & got intercepted & then reigned in by my family, I confronted the om obviously at work & had 3 separate private meetings with him where I verbally gave it to him (not good if employer attacks staff member at work no matter what the situation) he lives in a town 30 min from here so it's not like I live in the same town & bump into him every day.
> 
> Yes I still have to properly inform his wife but as I have explained in previous posts have been worried bout legal issues etc & repercussions from my family if s**t hits the fan again.
> 
> I would love nothing more than to bring this rats world down believe me


Not sure about your country but how would telling anyone the truth get you into legal trouble? I have to assume there is no right to free speech in Australia.

Others have hired a PI to carry the news to the betrayed wife. Its harder to carry on an affair when you are trying to save your marriage. Right now by carrying on the affair he is the one getting even for losing his job.

Like I said, from her actions, your wife is still in the affair. Put him on cheaterville and send them both the link.

Its great you "talked to him" but it didn't accomplish anything did it? He's got two girls, including your s.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Right now by carrying on the affair he is the one getting even for losing his job.
> 
> Never thought of it like that
> 
> ...


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Well I am currently in the process of looking after my finances & will hopefully have that sorted in next week or so.

Then I am going to do that cheaterville thing & send to om male wife & then if my wife goes nuts who cares cause it then shows she is still with him & she can get stuffed & then she cant hurt me anymore financially & if nothing comes of it so be it.

If she came back with her tale between her legs I would listen to what she had to say but it would be on my terms, I should have done this on d day or whatever it's called


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Line In The Sand said:


> Well I am currently in the process of looking after my finances & will hopefully have that sorted in next week or so.
> 
> Then I am going to do that cheaterville thing & send to om male wife & then if my wife goes nuts who cares cause it then shows she is still with him & she can get stuffed & then she cant hurt me anymore financially & if nothing comes of it so be it.
> 
> If she came back with her tale between her legs I would listen to what she had to say but it would be on my terms, I should have done this on d day or whatever it's called


Stay focused and stay strong. Do not let anyone walk on you. However things go you will be better off in the longrun.



Good luck


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Stay focused and stay strong. Do not let anyone walk on you. However things go you will be better off in the longrun.
> 
> 
> 
> Good luck


Thanks heaps, you have always had great advice.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Ok , just a question cause I value everyone's advice on here, I am a couple a days away from seeing the solicitors with my wife to sign off on who gets what etc then I was going to blow the lid on the whole thing to o/m wife, am I right in holding out till I see the solicitor,so that my wife if s**t hits the fan doesn't back out & want to go for whatever she can get out of anger when he & om are outed


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Line In The Sand said:


> Ok , just a question cause I value everyone's advice on here, I am a couple a days away from seeing the solicitors with my wife to sign off on who gets what etc then I was going to blow the lid on the whole thing to o/m wife, am I right in holding out till I see the solicitor,so that my wife if s**t hits the fan doesn't back out & want to go for whatever she can get out of anger when he & om are outed


If you are resolved on divorcing her, then do whatever you and your attorney think best to get the best possible outcome. Exposure can wait until it is too late for her to change her mind (which may mean waiting until the divorce is legally completed).


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Custody may be the most important issue now. If you have the strength, be friendly but unconcerned: you have gotten over her. If you can do this, it will make co-parenting easier.

Take no BS from her, so that she knows you are not friends.

Find a better looking girlfriend. Make sure she has better character, too.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Well just a bit of a update. Nothing has happened re outing yet & meant to catch up with a business associate who used to be a lawyer hopefull tonight, but maybe to answer my initial question of "is it time to move on' , well I am going on a date in a few nights time, it may turn out to be nothing but it's made me not even think about my wife & I feel so much better about myself.

I told my father this morn & asked him if it's to soon & he said don't be silly as you have tried absolutely everything possible. It's funny once someone else shows some interest in you , you start feeling better about yourself & you see the other person (wife) for who they have become & what they have done & no matter how attractive they makes you think that you might just be better off without them


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Take no BS from her, so that she knows you are not friends.
> 
> Find a better looking girlfriend. Make sure she has better character, too.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


I have begun the process of those 2 things over the last few days


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Be sure to read the two books in my signature. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES TWICE. Also, let anyone you date know that when your wife cheated she got dumped.

Good luck, don't look back.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Be sure to read the two books in my signature. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES TWICE. Also, let anyone you date know that when your wife cheated she got dumped.
> 
> Good luck, don't look back.


Thanks heaps, I'm nervous & excited. I do realise that even though my wife did what she did & she is the bad one in all this, but I can also improve myself if & when in another relationship


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Hi LITS

How have you been?, If I remember correctly you are a bout to be free to expose the POS and get him to face consequences right?.

also, How was your date?


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Maybe its me...but I don't understand how the OM would have a wrongful dismissal case if it is shown that he is having a relationship with his employer's wife....

OM's wife should know the truth about what is going on...and why her husband doesnt have a job anymore...This is so she can make the decision about what she wants to do with her marriage. Right now, I assume she has no idea, thus she will be the last one to know & is clueless until then.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

How could you not inform the OMW? How could you leave her to live a lie with a cheating husband? And when she finally finds out anyway, and discovers she was the last person to learn in your town, she will not only be crushed, but humiliated.


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

Hi guys, just an update. I did send a anonymous text to the om wife not spilling everything but giving her enough clues to go hunting, so hopefully all hell has broken loose, but tbh I have been concentrating more on myself, sold the house moving etc but I will follow that up soon.

As for me have been on a date which went well, but are going on another with a different girl tonight, have been chatting & texting for a few weeks & finally meet tonight. It's funny how when someone else shows an interest in you, you completely forgot about & start seeing the wife for who she is. Will let you know how I go


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

good for you man, good luck with the ladies.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If you don't hear from the omw in the coming days find a way to see her personally.
Better late than never my man good job.
So are these ladies hotter than stbxw.
Do tell.:lol:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's awesome news brother. Good for you!


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

tom67 said:


> If you don't hear from the omw in the coming days find a way to see her personally.
> Better late than never my man good job.
> So are these ladies hotter than stbxw.
> Do tell.:lol:


No they haven't been hotter than the wife lol, but oh well. That's the hard part as a part of you still has feeling for the ex (non of us ask for this to happen) but if anything it does the ego & confidence good & hopefully will meet one soon that is not only hot but a nicer girl to go with it


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

So what is the current situation with the soon-to-be-ex-wife?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Know if the POSOM got nuked by his wife?

Did you manage to keep your share of the family business? When is the D final?

Has she at least been willing to spend more time with the kids on the "mom" end of things?


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> So what is the current situation with the soon-to-be-ex-wife?


Just in the middle of trying to finalise the settlement etc , apart from that I'm not 100% sure, I still see her regularly due to picking up/dropping kids off etc


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## Line In The Sand (Nov 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Know if the POSOM got nuked by his wife?
> 
> Did you manage to keep your share of the family business? When is the D final?
> 
> Has she at least been willing to spend more time with the kids on the "mom" end of things?


Tbh I don't really know if he got the arse, he lives about 50 km from my city so when I got him to hand in his resignation have not seen him since. Yes all good with the business etc.

Not quite sure on the last question re "mom" & time with the kids ? Did I mention something like that along the lines ?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Thought you said something along the lines as she was ignoring the kids to be with him.


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