# I don't like myself and I need help



## imamess222

Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.


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## kitty2013

You should leave the married woman alone and let the time answers. 
It must be hard for you to stop, but please think about the risk of losing your reputation, your job, your "love" if the affair is discovered.


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## Pepper123

You are wrong... you do know what to do.


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## unbelievable

You don't like yourself because you realize you are engaged in some really low-down, treacherous behavior. Knocking boots with a married woman is low enough. You're boinking your employee's wife! You really can't expect loyalty from your people if you don't have any. If he embezzled a huge sum of money from your company, you really can't complain. You're ashamed to admit it? I reckon so. How could you not be ashamed? 
Even if your wicked little fantasy panned out and he left her, what would you have? A woman who cheats on her husband. What would she have? A dishonorable man she couldn't trust or respect. 
If you're doing something you're ashamed of, that's a pretty strong clue that you should be doing something else. Is this path going to make you a man you would be proud of?


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## Miss Taken

If you don't like yourself it's because what you are doing is extremely unlikable. You know it is. 

What you have with your MW is a fantasy for the both of you. You are both enjoying the romance without any of the realities of being in a marriage or committed relationship. There is no day-to-day, boring, mundane, or stressful obligatory stuff that every couple has to go through when sharing a life together. No, she leaves that for her husband and since you're separated, you don't have to deal with that at all. 

You have no experience managing two lives that are interdependent with this woman, all you have is the sex and affection. The husband gets to be the adult in all of this - working for you, trying to provide for his wife, while you reap the benefits of the sex. It reminds me a lot of high school relationships between sexually active teenagers. 

Mommy and daddy (usually regarded by their selfish teenagers as lame) pay the bills, buy the groceries, and put the roof over the kids' heads and the kids fool around with each other, behind their parent's backs when they're not looking. It isn't a "real" relationship. Further, whatever it is, is built in deceit. That's like a dozen roses growing in sh!t, houses built on sand or insert metaphor here... yeah, good luck with that.

Do you really think that if she leaves her husband, your employee to start a life with you that she will be faithful? The old cliche "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you, is true." I know you probably think that your situation is special. All cheaters seem to. It's always justifiable in their circumstances, it's them that will beat the odds and yet - the success rate statistics for relationships that are bred from affairs stay the very same low that they are. Most cheating spouses also try to go back to their betrayed. I know mine has and I'm not alone here.

If you want to feel good about yourself, you probably know what the right thing to do is. Everyone knows that cheating is bad. This isn't like the episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza asks if banging the office cleaner on his desk is "frowned upon", this is real life. This is someone's marriage - someone that trusts you, works for you and has benefited your business. I hope to God he doesn't also have kids. If he does, you're ruining their lives as well.


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## Singledude21

My uncle tends to tell me from time to time that how the relationship begun is how it would end. If she's cheating on her husband to be with you, what would keep her from finding some new guy once she's settle with you and want something new?

I'd end it and tell the husband if I were you, but personally, I don't mess with taken chicks, too messy and I believe Karma is a *****.


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## someone90

What do you mean figure it out? Grow some balls and stop seeing her.
What you want doesn't matter here, stop being a selfish little *****.


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## Oldrandwisr

You don't have to browse very long on business lawyer websites to find six digit lawsuits for altering subordinate work conditions i.e. changing his shifts. It goes beyond sexual harassment legally. I'm not a lawyer, but have seen successful lawsuits for similar situations where I have worked in the past.

Stop now. If she divorces her husband, then it may be awkward, but more appropriate, if at all to resume a relationship if it is meant to be.

This, in addition to every reply above.


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## Dyokemm

Stop acting like a scummy POS!

You have no right to F with another person's life like this.

WTF is wrong with you.

End the A immediately, and stop interfering with another man's M.

If you continue, I hope he finds out and beats you to a bloody pulp.


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## As'laDain

is this real? looks almost like a troll post.

if it is real, you know exactly what to do. stop sleeping with your employees spouse and come clean. 

pretty simple if you ask me.

something tells me that this story is not true...
at least, i hope it isnt. i would hate to think anyone can be so dumb so as to not know what they should do in such a situation.


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## Hardtohandle

Part of me thought troll as well..

But I will reserve any lengthy comments beyond the following

Everyone that posted made sense and covered many of the bases.

There are 4 billion women in the world and you mean to tell me out of those 4 billion THIS WOMAN is the ONE.. 
The ONE AND ONLY ? 

Come on, grow the fvck up.. 

What are you 12 years old ? 

Give him the fat bonus, tell him your fvcking his wife, let him sue you and the company and then get fired. Then try to explain any of this to the next business you try to go work for..

He should know what a piece of sh1t this woman your fvcking is and though he doesn't see it right now.. He will eventually.. 

The both of you deserve each other.. Enjoy the rest of your miserable life living this lie.. 

I would love to be a fly on the wall when you tell people how you met.. Which of course will be yet another lie in this weave of lies that will be yours and hers to live.. 

Good fvcking luck..


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## LostViking

I hope her husband finds out. 

I hope he kicks his sorry cheating wife's butt into the gutter. 

I hope he informs your company of what you did to him. 

I hope you get fired, your soon-to-be-ex-wife takes you to the cleaners, and you lose everything. 

I hope he sues the company and gets a big fat settlement. 

I hope he divorces that scum he's married to, hooks up with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, and takes her on a wild sex vacation to the Bahamas wit the money he gets from the lawsuit. 

There. Does that help you any?


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## jack.c

I'm trying to put a hold on my emotions of anger.....
So tell me, what does his WW think about this? Is she also in love with you or are you just a fxck? Anyway you need to tell her that your feelings are strong and that you want more from her... this way you will understand if other then being a POS you can live a normal life with her and also letting free a BS that can cause you serius problems


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## imamess222

I expected some harsh reactions. Believe me, I've called myself worse. Regarding the shift changes, it wasn't like I threw his schedule out of whack and made his life difficult. What I presented to him was the opportunity to get some overtime and he accepted. I'm going to start calling her 'Jane' to make it simpler when I respond. It's not her real name. I'll use the name 'Joe' for her husband and again it's not his real name. On 2 occasions, I told Jane that I could get Joe some overtime for an evening. I presented the opportunities a couple of days in advance, he talked it over with Jane, and she encouraged him to take the additional work. I know this looks bad, but some good did come out of this. They need the money. I don't like talking bad about other people, but Joe is terrible with money. He's also lazy and doesn't apply himself like he should. He could be making more money and taking care of his family plus budgeting their money a lot better. Instead he spends their money on things for his "hobby". 

A few of you mentioned that there are 4 billion other women out there, so why Jane? Because I love her and she loves me. We've talked about being together and getting married. I'm going to get divorced soon, and I swore to myself that I would not get married ever again. Jane changed that for me. She's not happy with her marriage. I think it's immoral to speak badly about Joe because I don't like to gossip, but I cannot tell you about my situation without explaining what's going on. Joe and Jane got married because she became pregnant. It was a shotgun wedding and she had lukewarm feelings for Joe at best. They lost the baby, so there are no kids involved. She works at the same place as we do but not in our department. She works in the admin building. Joe says he worships the ground Jane walks on and will do anything for her. But how can that be true if he's always on his computer and playing games? Jane told me that Joe would come home from work, go straight to the basement and play computer games with his friends for hours and hours. A good woman as smart and attractive as Jane deserves better than that.


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## kristin2349

You know what dude you really should give yourself the "bonus" of Jane. She sounds like something quite special and you should know, you've already slept with her. You know how much this woman you just "click" with values marriage.

Just don't work too much when you're married to her. Or let her run into anything with a penis.....

Mazel! Enjoy what destiny planned.

BTW, she's not a "good woman" she's a dumb cheating slvt...she didn't need to stay married if she was too dumb to use birth control and the universe helped her out bonus no kids...but, she stayed in said "shotgun" marriage. So go on White Night sweep this gutter tramp off her feet before someone "better" gets her. Go on now. You don't need our blessings.


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## TheFlood117

Can't resist. 

Okay, here's some pro tips from a guy who's done this sort of thing once or twice. 

One- never, never bang the married woman of someone you know much less work with, much less are the "boss" of. lulz, this is just asking for trouble and un-needed drama. 

Two- Never be in love with someone like this, this is just sex and stuff. You're setting yourself up here for an epic fail. 

three- Once Joe finds out, he will more than likely blow your life up. So you know, just FYI on that one.

-never tell them you love them and mean it, sure you can throw them a bone here and there just to keep em' wet and coming back. But, my God good sir, you really love this Woman?? Stupid. 

This is a rebound for you. Setting yourself up. But good luck I guess. I think you're in deep and you keep digging. 

But to each their own. Lots of Betrayed men on this board (including myself) so you're not gonna get any support here really. I can kinda see your point of view, but I think you're kinda dumb for not seeing what this is. 

It's just sport fvcking bro. Nothing more.


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## chillymorn

How could you love a person who would let her husband work and suport her as she screws his boss.

do you think a person with such poor moral charachter would be a good partner.

If she was worth having she would have said I'm unhappy in my marriage let me divorce him then we can start a relationship. Instead she playing both sides aginst the middle.

YUCK whats there to love about a person who could do that?

I think your crazy if you stay with this woman. Even if she does get divorced.

your thinking with the wrong head!


on the other hand you my friend are just as poor conserning moral charachter. so maybe you deserve eachother. and the karma bus will eventually run you both over.


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## tulsy

imamess222 said:


> .... it looks bad. But I love this woman. ....If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy.....I'm looking for support, .....


How would the problem be solved? You think Joe would be cool with you doing his ex-wife? You don't think he would get suspicious that MAYBE you guys were bangen before they divorced? 

You really think you`ll get support for this type of relationship? 



imamess222 said:


> .... A good woman as smart and attractive as Jane deserves better than that.


Then she can leave her husband. She's obviously not THAT good of a woman...she's currently bangen her husbands boss...real classy broad.

If she was smart like you suggest, wouldn't she'd leave her husband? I mean, you make him out to be such a low-life...how convenient that he's such a lazy dude...not influenced at all by the fact that you're trying to steal away his wife from him.

You can't paint Joe as the bad guy in this scenario.


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## missthelove2013

You dont feel terrible at all...I think you saying so is complete BS...
I dont want to get banned so I wont say anything else, other than I hope someone bangs your wife like a cheap walmart gong and you get to be the cuckold...you deserve it!


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## Rowan

Oh, my, we've really got a foggy one here!

OP, please consider that a woman who is willing to lie to the one person in the world she owes her loyalty and fidelity to, might also lie to you. It's entirely possible that there are problems in her marriage. It's also entirely possible that she's making Joe out to be a dirtbag she never loved because it's a pickup strategy that works with a certain type of man. A man like you. She's got you feeling sorry for her situation and wanting to save her from her terrible marriage. This is 100% in line with what every other cheating spouse in the history of the world has said about their betrayed spouse. The situation's not unique, she's not a special snowflake. Hell, she's not even coming up with original lines to feed you. 

Have you considered that her marriage might be better if she was spending more time, energy, emotion and devotion on her husband, rather than on that dude she's shagging from work? A person who's in an affair is - by definition - not being a good spouse. So, Joe might not be holding up his end of the marriage. Jane definitely isn't.

One other thing. In your OP, you said everything would be great if only Joe would leave his wife. Newsflash: If she wanted to be with you rather than him, she would leave her husband.


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## missthelove2013

LostViking said:


> I hope her husband finds out.
> 
> I hope he kicks his sorry cheating wife's butt into the gutter.
> 
> I hope he informs your company of what you did to him.
> 
> I hope you get fired, your soon-to-be-ex-wife takes you to the cleaners, and you lose everything.
> 
> I hope he sues the company and gets a big fat settlement.
> 
> I hope he divorces that scum he's married to, hooks up with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, and takes her on a wild sex vacation to the Bahamas wit the money he gets from the lawsuit.
> 
> There. Does that help you any?


Quoted for brilliance!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## imamess222

First, I'm not a player. I don't go out trying to bang chicks just for sex. I want a good relationship with a woman or at least know the prospects are there before I decide to have sex with a woman. 

I'm not looking for support for what I'm doing. I am interested in the feedback because I want to take a sanity check to see if I should let the love of my life go and move on with my life. I struggle with this because I know that I am not a saint in this. However, Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce. 

If I can get Joe into another department, then I think things would be easier and I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands. I'm a good boss. I don't belittle or ridicule the guy on the job. I'm not a bully, and my department is very effective.


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## TheFlood117

Yeah, it's obvious your not a player and don't have game. If you were, you'd see this for what it is and just enjoy the ride. 

Jane or whatevs is just using you for sex and maybe a possible fall back. Sure, you're a plan of sorts for her, and she might think she loves you. But this is a woman who has lost a child and as been neglected by her husband. Methinks, probably not the most mentally sound female on the market. 

One things for sure tho. She's got you. Hook. Line. And Sinker. 

I think you should break it off, but then again, I think your in too deep for any "clean" break. So, just take it like a man when the hits start coming.


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## Thorburn

imamess222 said:


> I expected some harsh reactions. Believe me, I've called myself worse. Regarding the shift changes, it wasn't like I threw his schedule out of whack and made his life difficult. What I presented to him was the opportunity to get some overtime and he accepted. I'm going to start calling her 'Jane' to make it simpler when I respond. It's not her real name. I'll use the name 'Joe' for her husband and again it's not his real name. On 2 occasions, I told Jane that I could get Joe some overtime for an evening. I presented the opportunities a couple of days in advance, he talked it over with Jane, and she encouraged him to take the additional work. I know this looks bad, but some good did come out of this. They need the money. I don't like talking bad about other people, but Joe is terrible with money. He's also lazy and doesn't apply himself like he should. He could be making more money and taking care of his family plus budgeting their money a lot better. Instead he spends their money on things for his "hobby".
> 
> A few of you mentioned that there are 4 billion other women out there, so why Jane? Because I love her and she loves me. We've talked about being together and getting married. I'm going to get divorced soon, and I swore to myself that I would not get married ever again. Jane changed that for me. She's not happy with her marriage. I think it's immoral to speak badly about Joe because I don't like to gossip, but I cannot tell you about my situation without explaining what's going on. Joe and Jane got married because she became pregnant. It was a shotgun wedding and she had lukewarm feelings for Joe at best. They lost the baby, so there are no kids involved. She works at the same place as we do but not in our department. She works in the admin building. Joe says he worships the ground Jane walks on and will do anything for her. But how can that be true if he's always on his computer and playing games? Jane told me that Joe would come home from work, go straight to the basement and play computer games with his friends for hours and hours. A good woman as smart and attractive as Jane deserves better than that.


Yea, my wife basically said the same about me. That I came home and got on the computer (among a host of other complaints she told the XOM). The fact in my case was my wife was on her computer and I would sit down beside her and get on mine and we would chat. Mean while she was cheating on me on her computer with me next to her.

So the dude plays some games and she cheats. Now that is very mature. 

Let's turn this around.

Joe is screwing your wife. He is complaining to (let's call her Wanda) Wanda, saying, you would not believe it. My wife plays checkers with her GFs all the time. Wanda, "Oh Joe that is horrible, let's have sex". Joe, "OK, man that makes me feel so much better. I am now over my wife playing checkers".

You know OP. I have recording of my wife and the XOM talking for a long time. I heard all my wife's complaints. I have recordings of my wife and her toxic sister.

Here is part of what my wife said:

To XOM "Mac, does not spend time with our oldest son". Truth - my son is special needs and I am home every night and we do things together.

To XOM "You should have seen Mac and his family when his father died. Mac and his family just stood there as his father died. I was the only one who went to his bedside and rubbed his shoulder and told he I love you and go be with Jesus". Truth- My mother, sister, 3 brothers and I were all around our father, my mother was rubbing his shoulder crying, my sister was holding his hand and my brothers and I were touching my father as he took his last breath. My wife was beside me.

I could go on and on. My wife told the XOM so many lies and it made no sense what so ever. She could have told the truth about my father's death and it would not have changed a thing, the XOM still got sex three times that day.

Honestly, this is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard. Dude playing video games with his friends and you are screwing his wife.

If you really love this woman you would encourage her to work on her marriage instead of taking advantage of the situation. If this woman cheats on her husband because he is hanging out with friends in his house and you are in love with this POS then you my friend need a psychological eval. Not only that you seem to be very immature not only in your verbage but in how you evaluate the situation between Joe and Jane.

And if you think that things are going to work out between you and Jane in the future then look at the stats.

Dr. Phil says the following:

Look at the statistics.
The chance of a successful relationship born of infidelity is not even one in 100. A marriage that starts in infidelity has no foundation. You go into it with guilt, shame, angst, worry, and all the baggage that comes with that. Add to that managing your ex and going through possible custody battles for children. Is it worth it?



Marriage success rates that arise from an affair are dismal. I am trying to think of one that I know and I can't think of anyone I have known who has stayed married to their affair partner.


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## kristin2349

She doesn't "believe" in divorce. But she is morally fine with having Joe work overtime while she shows you she can put her ankles behind her ears? 

You've got this all figured out! Get her divorced and take her to Vegas quickly before someone else snatches her up.


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## TheFlood117

kristin2349 said:


> She doesn't "believe" in divorce. But she is morally fine with having Joe work overtime while she shows you she can put her ankles behind her ears?
> 
> You've got this all figured out! Get her divorced and take her to Vegas quickly before someone else snatches her up.


Yes, I really think this the ONLY way really. Such a catch. You gotta reel that one in. And as they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.... 

Except herpes. That sh!t sticks with you 4life.


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## BeenthereDunThat

Just another example of the "fog" and it's very very thick. 

"If I can get Joe into another department, then I think things would be easier and I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands."


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## Thorburn

imamess222 said:


> First, I'm not a player. I don't go out trying to bang chicks just for sex. I want a good relationship with a woman or at least know the prospects are there before I decide to have sex with a woman.
> 
> I'm not looking for support for what I'm doing. I am interested in the feedback because I want to take a sanity check to see if I should let the love of my life go and move on with my life. I struggle with this because I know that I am not a saint in this. However, Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce.
> 
> If I can get Joe into another department, then I think things would be easier and I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands. I'm a good boss. I don't belittle or ridicule the guy on the job. I'm not a bully, and my department is very effective.


Like I said before, you come across as very immature. You state you want a good relationship with a woman or at least know the prospects before I decide to have sex. Really?? So in Jane's and Joe's case, having sex with Joe's wife is having a good relationship? Screwing your employee's wife is knowing the prospects? 

And the love of your life: Oh boy, again so freaken immature. You are not is love. Well, you are are, in love like a teenager who is gaga over a piece of meat.

And "Jane is so special and she does not believe in divorce". Man, isn't she a good moral person. Doesn't believe in divorce. Did you really say that she does not believe in divorce. But I bet she likes unicorns, pink ponies, walks in the rain, and believes in big foot. 

She is special. Jane is really special. "Hey there is a special on Jane today, she is giving away free sex". Hey, Jane is special, she specially cheats on her husband and is specially good at lying". "Hey isn't Jane special, she is having sex with her husband's boss". On that is just so special.


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## Rowan

imamess222 said:


> First, I'm not a player. I don't go out trying to bang chicks just for sex. *I want a good relationship with a woman or at least know the prospects are there before I decide to have sex with a woman*.
> 
> I'm not looking for support for what I'm doing. I am interested in the feedback because I want to take a sanity check to see if I should let the love of my life go and move on with my life. I struggle with this because I know that I am not a saint in this. However, *Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce*.
> 
> *If I can get Joe into another department, then I think things would be easier and I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands*. I'm a good boss. I don't belittle or ridicule the guy on the job. I'm not a bully, and my department is very effective.


Ok, so you want to know there's the prospect of a relationship with a woman before sleeping with her? Hint: There is no prospect of a relationship here. She is already married. And it's not to you. There can be elicit sex, sneaking around, betrayal. What there can't be is a real, honest, out in the open, grounded in reality, relationship.

Jane is struggling because she doesn't believe in divorce? Hint: Most people who don't believe in divorce also don't believe that adultery is okay. Why is fvcking you okay, but offering her husband a way out of his marriage that even the Bible endorses anathema to her? Again, if she wanted out of her marriage and wanted to be with you, she would get out of her marriage and be with you. She isn't. Because she doesn't actually want to.

If you can get Joe into a different department, things would be better because you would no longer be dealing with a conflict of interest? Really?!?! So, everything would be good in your world if your mistress's husband would just be someone else's problem. Gotcha. So, you aren't really okay with ending this cheap, sleazy, typical workplace affair. You just want to figure out a way to get her betrayed husband off your hands so you don't have to look him in the eye every day at work.


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## Baffled01

Curious, what line of work are you in? When do you and Jane manage to get together? Are you sure Joe doesn't suspect anything? Because you are in a position to get really burned here; fraternizing with a married, subordinate makes a great lawsuit.

Jane is rewriting her marital history to justify her cheating. All cheaters do this. Joe is probably unaware anything is wrong. Wake-up-- smell the coffee.


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## Hardtohandle

You don't want to gossip but still tell us how bad he is with money and how bad his work is..

Your a piece of work my friend..

Stop puzzy footing around this and just tell him.. Grow a pair and fight for the woman you love, the love of your life.. 

I know what I'm doing is sooo wrong but it feels so good.. It can't be wrong if it feels so good.. 

Grow a pair.. Man up... You are already that piece of garbage you thought you would never be.. Just finish the fvcking job.. 

Trust me You and him don't see it yet.. But you are doing this guy a HUGE FAVOR... Please take his wife away.. 

Trust me 19 years here.. 2 boys.. I couldn't see it either 12 months ago.. I was so blinded I wanted to fvcking die.. 

But today.. OMG, I'm off my computer.. Best shape of my life.. Have a woman 9 years younger than my Ex.. Makes 3x the amount of money.. Very Hot and Very attractive.. 

Me and the kids that mind you live with me just about full time.. I am closer with my boys then I have EVER BEEN..

Do you know today I am looking at a 1 million dollar 2 family home to buy.. This is something I could NEVER do with my Ex... 

So please take your wh0re and ride off into the sunset.. Until she gets tired of you and finds someone else.. You will always be looking behind you wondering.. You will have her under your thumb and the minute she tells you to work more OT.. Your will freak out and be suspicious.. 

Heck get a tattoo with her name... 

Have kids.. Have dozens of kids.. 

I'm am done with this thread.. 

I hope you live a long and healthy life..


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## lostmyreligion

I really hope this is a troll post.

'cause after reading it just now I feel like I need a long, hot shower with disinfecting soap....


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## kristin2349

lostmyreligion said:


> I really hope this is a troll post.
> 
> 'cause after reading it just now I feel like I need a long, hot shower with disinfecting soap....



I think the OP just needs confirmation that Cupid finally aimed his arrow at him, don't make it dirty. (Sorry I can't contain my sarcasm). 

It doesn't make me feel dirty so much as wonder if it is true how he is anyone's boss as it is clear he can't think above the belt. :scratchhead:


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## hawx20

imamess222 said:


> I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy.


First off, if he finds out you're screwed and you deserve it. You will be fired immediately. Start looking for a job now.

Everyone would be happy? I'm sure her husband wont be too happy. Also, what makes you think that this "special" woman wouldnt turn around and do the same thing to you if you did get together? She has low morals, her word means nothing, she is not trustworthy, and marriage vows mean nothing to her.

I'm sorry, there is nothing special about her other than that place you think is magical between her legs.


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## DarkHoly

Funny. I don't like you either.


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## Clay2013

Let me ask you the first question. Are you real? Is this some sort of a sick joke? 

If its your life here is the answer to all your problems. 

Quit your job. Do this now do not wait another second. Change your numbers. Walk away now. Never look back. 

If you think for a second this is ever going to work out for you then your clearly lost. There is no positive end to this. 

Clay


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## kristin2349

DarkHoly said:


> Funny. I don't like you either.


:rofl::rofl::iagree::rofl:


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## unbelievable

You can wrap it up and put a bow on it but you're wrong as two left shoes and you know it. Humans are capable of justifying everything under the sun to themselves. Hitler didn't believe he was evil. Go into any prison and you won't find many who can't excuse or justify their crimes. If you govern your life by what "feels" acceptable, you're screwed from jump street. If you truly loved this woman you wouldn't be dishonoring her. Long before any actual adultery, you were committing it in your mind. You had to choose to approach her, talk to her, to let the conversation become inappropriate, etc, etc. Your actions sound deplorable and despicable to pretty much everyone here. The only place your actions would seem ok is between your own ears. That ought to tell you something.


----------



## Thorburn

DarkHoly said:


> Funny. I don't like you either.


:rofl:


Ironic how you say you don't like yourself and then you justify everything you are doing and justify her actions. You don't like yourself yet you found the love of your life.

I agree with most of the posters. If this is the love of your life then express that love openly to Joe, tell him what the heck you are doing with his wife. After you do this tell us if she still doesn't believe in divorce.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

He might not be smart but his smart sexy wife might be.
Between the two of them they could bring a lawsuit and own your business. Then you could be in his shoes, except your wife already ditched you?

Even if you are not capable of thinking of others, think of yourself. You could lose your business. 

Your issues with not liking yourself go a lot deeper than just feeling bad for sleeping with a married woman. It sounds like you want to back yourself into a corner by framing the worst possible legal scenario with all kinds of liability. Scheduling for instance...based on your trysts with guy's wife, rather than for business needs? 

Before you go calling the guy not very bright, take a look in the mirror.

Well, if you want advice, consult an attorney, and also see a psych. You probably hated yourself before you slept with this woman! You slept with this woman because you had it in for yourself. Part of you is out to get you. Identify that part, hunt it down, and kill it.


----------



## Enginerd

imamess222 said:


> Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.


If your not a troll you should feel like crap because your being a horrible person. This happened at my work. The boss also scheduled the employee on different shifts so he could spend time with his wife. Do you know what happened to the boss? He was immediately fired once the employee complained about it. He filed a law suit and won big time. The employee kept his job and knew the company couldn't fire him for a long time. The boss lost his wife once she found out. You only have one choice. Stop abusing your position of power and find a nice available women. She is only attracted to you because she sees you as more powerful then her clueless husband. Besides why would you want to marry a cheater without integrity or morals? Oh I forgot you are just like her!

Good Luck


----------



## verpin zal

imamess222 said:


> First, I'm not a player. I don't go out trying to bang chicks just for sex. I want a good relationship with a woman or at least know the prospects are there before I decide to have sex with a woman.
> 
> *I'm not looking for support for what I'm doing.* I am interested in the feedback because I want to take a sanity check to see if I should let the love of my life go and move on with my life. I struggle with this because I know that I am not a saint in this. However, Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce.
> 
> If I can get Joe into another department, then I think things would be easier and I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands. I'm a good boss. I don't belittle or ridicule the guy on the job. I'm not a bully, and my department is very effective.


That's good, because you certainly won't get any here.

Does your fvck toy think she's discreetly helping her husband get some extra income and feel overjoyed about it?

We here all know that you'll not "degrade" yourself by revealing the affair to your employee, even if you get run over by the karma bus ten times over and then some. Your posts exude entitlement and a sense of "she's mine to take". What's your plan to make everyone "win" then? Let's discuss it.


----------



## Stronger-now

OP sounds like a 20-something loser, pimple-ridden and lives in his parents' basement. No adults can be this stupid. 

His version: Jane is so special, so smart that she can think on her toe and lie to her husband. 

Reality: Jane is about as special as McRibs. Cheap, easy to get, but bad for your health.

His version: he is not a player, he wants to make sure there is a prospect before he has sex.

Reality: What is the prospect with a cheating married woman???

His version: he doesn't like himself

Reality: he has been justifying everything he has done, trying to get a raise up the BS here...SICK. 

His version: he doesn't want to gossip.

Reality: he is bad-mouthing Joe like a senile grandma mumbling about nothing. So Joe is lazy and bad with money, OP is a rat sneaking behind Joe's back to screw his wife and, to me, sounds intellectually-challenged. 

His version: Jane doesn't believe in divorce.

Reality: Jane believes in cheating and deceits. 

I smell an attention-wh0re looking to pour salt on BS' wound from far far away


----------



## ThePheonix

imamess222 said:


> I am interested in the feedback because I want to take a sanity check to see if I should let the love of my life go and move on with my life. I struggle with this because I know that I am not a saint in this. However, Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce.





TheFlood117 said:


> One things for sure tho. She's got you. Hook. Line. And Sinker.
> 
> I think you should break it off, but then again, I think your in too deep for any "clean" break. So, just take it like a man when the hits start coming.


TheFlood, et al. are right Dawg. To say the guy in this story is in a tangled web that ain't going to end well is an outrageous understatement. You've been advised to end it. But we know you ain't going to do that. This gal's done put something on you that ajax won't take off. To expand a little on what TheFlood said, they both got you hook, line and sinker. He can take a leak on your desk and ain't a hell of a lot you can do about it.


----------



## ne9907

Jane sounds like a gem!!
First, it was a "shotgun wedding" because she was pregnant and never really loved Joe.
BUT she was willing to use Joe!~ How delightful.
Second, she does not believe in divorce
BUT she has no qualms about fvcking you.
Third, Joe is a lazy ass who does not pay attention to her.
BUT she choses to stay with him because she is a saint and does not believe in divorce.

Open your eyes.
She is a conniving, manipulating piece of sh!t.
I actually hope you two end up together. I hope the Joe gets transferred to another department, then Joe and Jane divorce, and you get the girl!
Then I would love to be there when the trainwreck happens, because it will happen. Jane has it in her.
And obviously you do too.


----------



## karole

Wasn't there another thread on this board a few weeks ago that was essentially this same story????


----------



## Thound

DarkHoly said:


> Funny. I don't like you either.


Cmon man. I expected way more from you. Please tell him he is doing the right thing by pursuing her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

"I wouldn't have a conflict of interest on my hands."

WTF????

Are you insane?

You have been banging your subordinate's W.

There will NEVER be a time in the future where your A did not begin as YOU BANGING YOUR SUBORDINATE'S W.

In other words, there will always be a conflict of interest in your A, even if the BH was transferred to the other side of the moon.


----------



## honcho

Look the two of you have no idea what love even is. Your getting divorced yourself, you probably havent even fully processed the emotional toll of your own marriage. You ran and hid so to speak. This is probably why she seems to perfect to you right now. 

You have put yourself in the dumbest spot you can be in. You have no easy exit strategy out of this mess. Once he finds out, he will tell your supervisor and you lose your job. He will find out by the way. Your excuse for getting him overtime, bigger bonus, that he is bad with money is laughable. You have no idea his life other than what his wife tells you and its not she is going to say he is great guy. The company will have to side with him whether a good employee or not because you are in the wrong. You could be the top employee, they wont care. 

Now say you try and break it off, she can get mad say she only was sleeping with you because that was the only way you wouldnt fire her husband. Another lawsuit potential. When hubby finds out he can say anything about work schedules, overtime, holding back potential job advancements to the company, sue and win. These will be easy slam dunk suits for both of them. 

You really need to seriously consider looking for a new job, transfering him to a different dept wont help, again he can say he got transfered only because of the situation and wins in a suit. You have pretty much painted yourself into no win at every turn and you think the prize is her. Yet when this all blows up in your face and the real world comes back to you guess who wont be at your side. 

Start looking for new work, get your life in order and get your own divorce finalized and start addressing what is going on with yourself, fix that. Your on a time bomb now.


----------



## vellocet

kristin2349 said:


> You know what dude you really should give yourself the "bonus" of Jane. She sounds like something quite special and you should know, you've already slept with her. You know how much this woman you just "click" with values marriage.
> 
> Just don't work too much when you're married to her. Or let her run into anything with a penis.....
> 
> Mazel! Enjoy what destiny planned.
> 
> BTW, she's not a "good woman" she's a dumb cheating slvt...she didn't need to stay married if she was too dumb to use birth control and the universe helped her out bonus no kids...but, she stayed in said "shotgun" marriage. So go on White Night sweep this gutter tramp off her feet before someone "better" gets her. Go on now. You don't need our blessings.


:iagree: What Kristin said


----------



## BetrayedDad

Hardtohandle said:


> Trust me 19 years here.. 2 boys.. I couldn't see it either 12 months ago.. I was so blinded I wanted to fvcking die..
> 
> But today.. OMG, I'm off my computer.. Best shape of my life.. Have a woman 9 years younger than my Ex.. Makes 3x the amount of money.. Very Hot and Very attractive..
> 
> Me and the kids that mind you live with me just about full time.. I am closer with my boys then I have EVER BEEN..
> 
> Do you know today I am looking at a 1 million dollar 2 family home to buy.. This is something I could NEVER do with my Ex...



God I hope my situation turns out like yours.....


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> A good woman as smart and attractive as Jane deserves better than that.


And obviously that would be you that is better, eh? 

She is a cheater. Nothing good about her.

If you two love each other so much, then tell her to divorce him. Something isn't right about your story. If there are no kids involved, then the divorce will be simple. Split the marital assets and move on.

So why doesn't she divorce him is she loves you and is supposed to be such a good woman?


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## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> However, Jane is so special and she is struggling too because she doesn't believe in divorce.


:bsflag:


----------



## Machiavelli

imamess222 said:


> Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. ... I need to figure out what to do.


Several things:

Wear body armor.
Check under the car for bombs before you start it up.
Stay out of dark alleys.
Keep an eye out for open windows, particularly in upper stories.
Try to stay in peopled areas, but not so crowded that you get bumped and jostled.
Mix up your routine.

Wait? BH works for you? Put in a metal detector.


----------



## kristin2349

Machiavelli said:


> Several things:
> 
> Wear body armor.
> Check under the car for bombs before you start it up.
> Stay out of dark alleys.
> Keep an eye out for open windows, particularly in upper stories.
> Try to stay in peopled areas, but not so crowded that you get bumped and jostled.
> Mix up your routine.
> 
> Wait? BH works for you? Put in a metal detector.


Wait a second. He (Joe) might give Doofus a muffin basket for taking "Jane" off is hands.

This HO isn't worth a fight.


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## MattMatt

Iamamess, there's something for you right here:-


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## Machiavelli

kristin2349 said:


> Wait a second. He (Joe) might give Doofus a muffin basket for taking "Jane" off is hands.
> 
> This HO isn't worth a fight.


That's for the BH to decide. Clearly the OP doesn't think this is a likely possibility from the BH, but sometimes men unexpectedly find their balls.


----------



## alphaomega

Youz all missing da bigger picture, dogs! Lol

How will this play out?

BH finds out. They always find out.

She denies what she can...at first. But when BH blows this up to HR, shats going to fly. She will be taken into that office, and when it's knee deep about to loose her job, she finally confesses...."but he made me do it! He said he would make my husbands life on the floor a living hell! Or worse! Find a way to fire him! And we NEED the money! We both need our jobs! I didn't know what else to do! I was just trying to protect my family! Oh gob! I feel so ashamed!"

Then.....you get called into that office. Get your pink slip. At the same time finance is cutting a big 7 figure check out to the OW and BH!

then, he will take her back. Because he WILL believe her. He will hurt, but you see, she did it all because she's a strong woman that loves her man and would do anything for her family.

Her love for you? Well, I'm sure that 7 figure check will end that pretty fast....because....well....she just traded up. You see, her husband just moved up more than a few notches on the sex rank, being a multi millionaire and all. And your now unemployable. your sex rank just dropped down to, like, maybe a 2. 3, if your good looking. But hey! There's always other women that will still get it with you. Down at the corner bar. Just be there at noon. That's when it all starts. Any later.....well, they might be passed out by then.

Ok. Good luck bud. Hope it all works out for you.


----------



## walkonmars

So Joe is a lazy computer-game playing bum (according to you and his wife). Yet he eagerly works overtime to earn more money for his family? 

Tell your married girlfriend to get her story straight. 

Oh, and since you have such a stellar record in holding a family together and she has no qualms about spreading for any loser - you'll make a swell couple who are made for each other. 

Seriously, I hope she ditches Joe. It'll be the best thing that ever happened to him. And you'll both get what you richly deserve, each other.


----------



## kristin2349

Machiavelli said:


> That's for the BH to decide. Clearly the OP doesn't think this is a likely possibility from the BH, but sometimes men unexpectedly find their balls.


I don't mind the idea of fighting because this guy is a jerk who needs a beat down badly. I just think "Joe" should do so and kick her to the curb. She's too "special" for a decent guy.


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## MattMatt

You arrange extra work for your paramour's lawful husband. Why? So he can earn extra money? Nope! So you and she can make the good ol' beast with two backs!

So, yes, OP, you are a player! And quite a nasty one, at that.

I did some stuff I wasn't proud of as a younger man. But next to you? Nah! You are the winner!


----------



## 6301

imamess222 said:


> I don't like talking bad about other people, but Joe is terrible with money. He's also lazy and doesn't apply himself like he should. He could be making more money and taking care of his family plus budgeting their money a lot better. Instead he spends their money on things for his "hobby".


 You know what friend. Before you start hurling insults about your employee whose wife your screwing, maybe you should take a good long look in the mirror and see some low life home wrecker who thinks with his little head instead of his big head and this poor schmuk has to work for him.

Maybe he's not the best employee but he's head and shoulders above the bum he works for. 

I honestly hope that somehow he finds out and rips you a new one and I hope he does it in a financial way where it would hurt you more than a good old fashioned ass whipping Then we'll see who has the last laugh. You would get everything you deserve. Remember payback is a bit#@.


----------



## just got it 55

imamess222 said:


> Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, *angry*, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.


Honestly WTF are you angry about

you know what to do

do the right thing


----------



## imamess222

I think many of you are right about a change in scenery. I need to get my head on straight. It's not like I can't get a better paying job anyways. I'm making 6 figs in salary now, but I've turned down a number of jobs that would have paid me more. I'll have to call my old friend to take him up on the offer he proposed a few months back. He told me the opportunity is there if I want it. 

That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane. We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair. Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way. 

For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement). Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be. 

But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws. I know Jane won't be too patient with him because she's been waiting on him to improve for 3 years without any action on his part. I think in the end things will work out.


----------



## imamess222

just got it 55 said:


> Honestly WTF are you angry about
> 
> you know what to do
> 
> do the right thing


I'm angry at myself for falling for Jane. I'm even a little angry at Jane for settling for someone instead of following her heart.


----------



## LostViking

This was a great movie. I especially liked the part where Imamess, the galant hero, in a gesture of ultimate self sacrifice, walked away and let Jane and her husband stay together for the common good. 

Better than Casablanca. Bogart has nothing on the OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## imamess222

LostViking said:


> This was a great movie. I especially liked the part where Imamess, the galant hero, in a gesture of ultimate self sacrifice, walked away and let Jane and her husband stay together for the common good.
> 
> Better than Casablanca. Bogart has nothing on the OP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's no need for sarcasm. I'm willing to give them their shot. Granted, I think it will be difficult for them because he probably won't change his routines and hobbies, plus I think Jane will still be thinking about me during this as well. She and I had some really good times together. Nevertheless, Joe deserves to get his shot to fix it.


----------



## Miss Taken

Yes... Joe deserves a shot to win back his cheating, office-harlot of a wife Jane. What a prize he will get in the end.


----------



## LostViking

I can't believe a mid level supervisor of a company would be stupid enough to want to be with a skank like Jane. 

Joe has more brains than these two put together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

imamess222 said:


> There's no need for sarcasm. I'm willing to give them their shot. Granted, I think it will be difficult for them because he probably won't change his routines and hobbies, plus I think Jane will still be thinking about me during this as well. She and I had some really good times together. Nevertheless, Joe deserves to get his shot to fix it.


God, you talk about her like she's a prize or something. She's a f#$king [email protected] That is it. And I would take Joe over a guy like you any day of the week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkonmars

*Re: Re: I don't like myself and I need help*



imamess222 said:


> ... I'm willing to give them their shot..


Mighty white of you 《barf》


----------



## imamess222

walkonmars said:


> Mighty white of you 《barf》


So is this a situation where I'm damned no matter what I do? If I step aside, I'm ridiculed. If I pursue, it's ridicule. I think there isn't anything I can say or do that will be seen as a positive thing. I think everyone has me judged as being a bad guy, and even if I do the right thing in the end it won't be good enough.

I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person. Prior to my current job I used to travel for the company. I did that for 10 years, and out of all that time I hardly ever got into any trouble. Many, many people act like sex crazed frat boys and sorority sisters out on the road. Aside from an indiscretion or two, I've been very, very clean.


----------



## walkonmars

*Re: Re: I don't like myself and I need help*



imamess222 said:


> So is this a situation where I'm damned no matter what I do? If I step aside, I'm ridiculed. If I pursue, it's ridicule. I think there isn't anything I can say or do that will be seen as a positive thing. I think everyone has me judged as being a bad guy, and even if I do the right thing in the end it won't be good enough.
> 
> I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person. Prior to my current job I used to travel for the company. I did that for 10 years, and out of all that time I hardly ever got into any trouble. Many, many people act like sex crazed frat boys and sorority sisters out on the road. Aside from an indiscretion or two, I've been very, very clean.


Do the right thing? The right thing is to apologize to joe and clue him in.

And my admittedly snarky comment is b/c of your snarky & smug *I'm so superior* attitude.


----------



## terrence4159

let me know when her husband finds out i want to join in when he kicks the crap out of you. yes she is a great woman a awesome catch not many women will fall on their back to screw another man while the husband is at work. my GOD if you dont marry this fine outstanding high moraled woman im sure some other low life gutter trash will.

i hope she does leave her husband for you and the second you are at work she will be on her back with someone else and then you will be on here again all why me. i almost scheduled a sex change for myself when reading your story cause you make me ashamed to be a male.

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD GUY!! GOOD GUYS DONT SLEEP WITH MARRIED WOMEN! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON ONLY TERRIBLE PEOPLE SLEEP WITH MARRIED WOMEN AND SCHEDULE THEIR HUSBAND TO WORK SO THEY CAN SLEEP WITH THEM!


----------



## manticore

imamess, you already know what is right and what is wrong, in this forum many people have been betrayed so you may think that their opinons are subjetives to their own experiences and are prone to hate cheaters like you, that may be true, but even so any imparcial party will tell you the same, what you are doing is wrong and you know it.

like you I was once a OM, she persued me relentlessly for months, she took every oportunity she had to have conversations with me, she sweet talked me every day with pet names, she caressed my hair and back during work everyday, she talked me about her circumstances (how bad were things with her husband), she told me her husband had an accident and they haven't had sex in loooong time, and finally she throw herslef at me and as she was gorgeous, I honestly didn't think in anything but the big erection I had at that moment.



imamess222 said:


> I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.



In a perfect world, you should quit your job, cut any communication with this woman, confess to JOE and ask for forgiveness, and dissapear from their lives. Of course you are not going to do this, I didn't do it and I experienced as kid the destruction of infedility, so you who in the "name of love" are banging someone else wife, why will you do it? (I did all, but confessing and apologizing to her husband)




imamess222 said:


> That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane. We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair. Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way.
> 
> For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement).


So you are better looking and fitter than him, so what?, does that give you the right to make his life a hell, to humiliate him, to bang his wife, to make him a fool, tell me big stud, what will you do if JOE confronts you in pain and destroyed, will you kick his ass, will you spit on him and make fun of how you **** his wife I am sure there are humans out there that have done that in the past.

I still so many years later wonder how will I respond to her husband if comes looking for me, I know I will bow and apologize I don't know what else I would do, of course I can Kick his ass, he was just leaving the Wheel chair acording to her wife when our fling happened, so probably have some muscles that are permanently damaged, should I do it big stud? 



imamess222 said:


> But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws. I know Jane won't be too patient with him because she's been waiting on him to improve for 3 years without any action on his part. I think in the end things will work out.


There is nothing honorable in that, is just less damaging

you criticize JOE for doing what every man do in their relationships, entering in a comfort zone, I bet JANE don't tell you all the sweet and good things he does for her, how could she?, she will be a b*tch if she were betraying him while he is a good husband, but why is she still hasitating if he is a lost case?.

tell me, if you are so different from others men and you can make a woman so blissfully happy 24/7, why are you divorcing? I guess if we ask your Xwife she will give us alot of reasons just like JANE.



imamess222 said:


> Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be.
> 
> 
> I'm angry at myself for falling for Jane. I'm even a little angry at Jane for settling for someone instead of following her heart.


that's her problem, she may be beautiful outside but the way she is betrayng her husband make her a despicable human being, don't give me that crap that she does not believe in divorce, the only reason for not believing in divorce if you don't have kids is for religious reasons, but obviously religion have nothing to do with her choice because she is being unfaithful.



imamess222 said:


> There's no need for sarcasm. I'm willing to give them their shot. Granted, I think it will be difficult for them because he probably won't change his routines and hobbies, plus I think Jane will still be thinking about me during this as well. She and I had some really good times together. Nevertheless, Joe deserves to get his shot to fix it.


he deseves his shot? really? he is the husband, he does not have nothing to prove to you, the best thing you can do for him at this point is letting him know he is married to a unfaithful Wh*re



imamess222 said:


> So is this a situation where I'm damned no matter what I do? If I step aside, I'm ridiculed. If I pursue, it's ridicule. I think there isn't anything I can say or do that will be seen as a positive thing.
> 
> I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person.


of course not, you already did a despicable thing, just as how I did it, I just did it once, and from there, there was nothing positive a could do about it, just less damaging, and that is one of the reasons that brought me to his forum.


Now decent guy let me tell you what is the saddest of all this matter, is not what JOE's wife is doing, because she probbly have done it before or have ended doing it with someone else if you weren't in the picture (just as I am sure it had happened in my case).

The saddest thing is that probably JOE have fond feelings for you, consideres you a nice guy and a role model, he probably talks with other cooworkers about how nice are you by giving him overtime for his financial problems, as he thinks you are being a good human being helping him with his problems as he knows he don't deserve the overtime , he probably is symphatetic of your marriage sitatuion wishing you find a good woman, cooworkers always divides between the ones who talk bad about their bosses and the ones who defend them, in which side you think JOE is?.

If the poor fool just knew you are banging his wife right? what a joke of human being right? thanking you while you bang his wife.

you are going to destroy this person in ways any other has done before, you are going to throw him into a abiss of dispair, and make him doubt every time a human have a nice gesture towards him, but I guess that is not your problem.


----------



## Dyokemm

"No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be."

No...at this point in your life you definitely are not.

You have the ethics, morals, and sense of honor of a complete scumbag right now.

Its good for you that you want to get away and work on yourself, as you seriously need some self-reflection to find out how you could have behaved in such a low and disgusting manner towards another man who had done you no wrong.

Take this time away to better yourself as a man and a human being.


----------



## sinnister

imamess222 said:


> I think many of you are right about a change in scenery. I need to get my head on straight. It's not like I can't get a better paying job anyways. I'm making 6 figs in salary now, but I've turned down a number of jobs that would have paid me more. I'll have to call my old friend to take him up on the offer he proposed a few months back. He told me the opportunity is there if I want it.
> 
> That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane. We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair. Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way.
> 
> For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. *There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement). Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be. *But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws. I know Jane won't be too patient with him because she's been waiting on him to improve for 3 years without any action on his part. I think in the end things will work out.


If you are in fact remorseful for you acting like a complete piece of ish...the bolded statements completely erase any remorse you may have felt and correctly highlights the problems in your personality.

Good luck attracting and keeping a good woman long term. Why did your first marriage end?


----------



## imamess222

sinnister said:


> If you are in fact remorseful for you acting like a complete piece of ish...the bolded statements completely erase any remorse you may have felt and correctly highlights the problems in your personality.
> 
> Good luck attracting and keeping a good woman long term. Why did your first marriage end?


My marriage is ending because my wife and I are no longer compatible when it comes to intimacy. About 2 years ago a cousin she was very close to passed away. Ever since then she's become despondent. She's had good days but too many bad days. Our sex life dropped to once a week if I was lucky. Plus she didn't seem to be nearly as affectionate anymore. I gave her 6 months to grieve. You would think that after 6 months she'd get over it and we'd move on. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I tried to get her to see a doctor so that she could get some pills to help her feel better. She refused, and now we're getting divorced. I don't mean to sound crass, but a guy can only take so much before you hit your limit. Do you get where I'm coming from?


----------



## kristin2349

LostViking said:


> I can't believe a mid level supervisor of a company would be stupid enough to want to be with a skank like Jane.
> 
> Joe has more brains than these two put together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Seriously, I'm thinking Joe already knows that Jane is an ignorant slvt and plays video games to avoid being around her.

I don't think he should fight to keep her. I truly think mid level manager, should claim his prize for being the "superior" man. He needs to see how this works out for himself .


----------



## ConanHub

imamess222 said:


> I think many of you are right about a change in scenery. I need to get my head on straight. It's not like I can't get a better paying job anyways. I'm making 6 figs in salary now, but I've turned down a number of jobs that would have paid me more. I'll have to call my old friend to take him up on the offer he proposed a few months back. He told me the opportunity is there if I want it.
> 
> That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane. We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair. Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way.
> 
> For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement). Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be.
> If you aren't a troll I have a good idea. Out yourself to Joe. Your such a big strong man that you can fvck his slvt of a wife behind his back, abusing your position over him to accomplish the deed, that you should be man enough to own your sh!t. Oh... that's right, you aren't a very strong man at all.
> Since Joe can't beat you up, why don't you tell him what's going on and let him have a stand in for a "sparring" session with full gear and fully official. You could have a three round bout and sell tickets for Joe's divorce costs.
> If possible I would stand in for Joe, logistics allowing, because I would love to have a three round bout with such a strong opponent. Hopefully you are in your early thirties or younger because I spar with men in there twenties often.
> 
> Just a thought, since you feel so bad, you big strong POS you.
> .
> But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws. I know Jane won't be too patient with him because she's been waiting on him to improve for 3 years without any action on his part. I think in the end things will work out.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kristin2349

imamess222 said:


> My marriage is ending because my wife and I are no longer compatible when it comes to intimacy. About 2 years ago a cousin she was very close to passed away. Ever since then she's become despondent. She's had good days but too many bad days. Our sex life dropped to once a week if I was lucky. Plus she didn't seem to be nearly as affectionate anymore. I gave her 6 months to grieve. You would think that after 6 months she'd get over it and we'd move on. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I tried to get her to see a doctor so that she could get some pills to help her feel better. She refused, and now we're getting divorced. I don't mean to sound crass, but a guy can only take so much before you hit your limit. Do you get where I'm coming from?


6 months? Wow! You truly are a hero for sticking it out for a whole six months. Pat yourself on the back.

I hope Jane doesn't suffer a similar misfortune or some medical issue puts her out of commission, she needs to be told you have a six month limit. You are truly special dude!


----------



## imamess222

kristin2349 said:


> 6 months? Wow! You truly are a hero for sticking it out for a whole six months. Pat yourself on the back.
> 
> I hope Jane doesn't suffer a similar misfortune or some medical issue puts her out of commission, she needs to be told you have a six month limit. You are truly special dude!


There's no need to get bent out of shape. I have feelings like everyone else. You make me out to be a monster with no emotion. I do have emotions and I've been a very good husband to my wife, and she was a good wife to me until this incident occurred. But when you think about it, don't we all weigh the pros and cons of everything when we're living our lives? Everything is give and take, and our goals are to have a balance between the two in all our relationships. When a relationship stops being beneficial and you are the one who is doing all the giving, then you need to either change the relationship dynamic or sever the ties all together. It's how we live life to the fullest by trying to keep those relationships that are most beneficial to us, just as others evaluate me and associate with me because of the benefits that I provide to them.

I can see your points as well. Perhaps I was a little impatient with my wife. For awhile now she's been asking that we get together to try to sort through things and work things out. Maybe we'll talk tonight and we can set some ground rules for a possible reconciliation. I don't know, but I think it could be worth a shot. Besides, my wife is a better catch overall than Jane anyways. No knock on Jane because she is pretty, smart and fun to be around. But my wife is on another level if she can kick her depression to the curb. 

I think it was good for me to come on here because I think I'm gaining a better perspective. I'm going to use this time from now through the weekend to see if I my wife and I can get a game plan together for getting back together, to hit up my friend for the job opportunity he told me about a little while ago and to start distancing myself from Jane.

I could do without the personal insults, but I understand why people are critiquing my actions. I may come back to give an update on how things go this weekend. I may be getting that closure that I need to get myself out of this rut. As hard as you guys can be on people, I owe you my thanks.


----------



## Thorburn

imamess222 said:


> My marriage is ending because my wife and I are no longer compatible when it comes to intimacy. About 2 years ago a cousin she was very close to passed away. Ever since then she's become despondent. She's had good days but too many bad days. Our sex life dropped to once a week if I was lucky. Plus she didn't seem to be nearly as affectionate anymore. I gave her 6 months to grieve. You would think that after 6 months she'd get over it and we'd move on. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I tried to get her to see a doctor so that she could get some pills to help her feel better. She refused, and now we're getting divorced. I don't mean to sound crass, but a guy can only take so much before you hit your limit. Do you get where I'm coming from?



I get where you are coming from. I said it before and everything you have said just keeps verifying it. You are a very immature person. Your wife goes through grief, you give her six months and you bail. Then you are banging Joe's wife and you blame him.

On an empatetic note, marriages where one spouse suffers from depression has a 9 times higher D rate. It is hard to live with someone like this. But there is help and spouses that D who suffer from depression also have a high suicide rate.

I will go back to your post about Jane not believing in D. So you talked about being together in the future? Like many have said, Jane has serious issues and it is not Joe. She does not believe in D but is talking about being with you in the future. Honestly, does this make sense? Jane is a typical cake eater. A real live HO. And this is the person you love.

Since you are former military (I did over 39 years) I will speak to you very firmly.

1. Jane is not marriage material. Reread your posts and look at what you say about her. I mean the parts of not believing in D, cheating on her husband, the lies. Most cheaters rewrite their marriage.

2. You use "Imamess" as your title. If you are being honest then look at the values that the military taught you about duty, honor, selfless service, integrity, etc. Your life is not honorable nor do you have integrity. If you were in my unit when I was in combat I would not want you on any mission. I could not trust you. When cheaters got busted when we were in combat, officers and enlisted alike got assigned to desk jobs until we got home. And yes a few officers recieved courts martials for cheating, in my unit.

3. Take the job and move. You got to end it with Jane now. No more seeing her. And stop thinking she will be thinking about you if you leave. Are you so special? Many women get over their lovers and she will get over you.


----------



## kristin2349

imamess222 said:


> There's no need to get bent out of shape. I have feelings like everyone else. You make me out to be a monster with no emotion. I do have emotions and I've been a very good husband to my wife, and she was a good wife to me until this incident occurred. But when you think about it, don't we all weigh the pros and cons of everything when we're living our lives? Everything is give and take, and our goals are to have a balance between the two in all our relationships. When a relationship stops being beneficial and you are the one who is doing all the giving, then you need to either change the relationship dynamic or sever the ties all together. It's how we live life to the fullest by trying to keep those relationships that are most beneficial to us, just as others evaluate me and associate with me because of the benefits that I provide to them.
> 
> I can see your points as well. Perhaps I was a little impatient with my wife. For awhile now she's been asking that we get together to try to sort through things and work things out. Maybe we'll talk tonight and we can set some ground rules for a possible reconciliation. I don't know, but I think it could be worth a shot. Besides, my wife is a better catch overall than Jane anyways. No knock on Jane because she is pretty, smart and fun to be around. But my wife is on another level if she can kick her depression to the curb.
> 
> I think it was good for me to come on here because I think I'm gaining a better perspective. I'm going to use this time from now through the weekend to see if I my wife and I can get a game plan together for getting back together, to hit up my friend for the job opportunity he told me about a little while ago and to start distancing myself from Jane.
> 
> I could do without the personal insults, but I understand why people are critiquing my actions. I may come back to give an update on how things go this weekend. I may be getting that closure that I need to get myself out of this rut. As hard as you guys can be on people, I owe you my thanks.



I'm not at all bent out of shape. I don't have a horse in this race. I'm just a spectator here so I can see the horses worth betting on. I can also see the horses @ss from this view. 

You should revisit as you have waffled enough in 24 hours to prove you don't know what you want.

Here's one clue:

If Jane truly was the love of your life...you wouldn't even think to compare her to your wife. But you are fickle and greedy. You really need to work on yourself. Best of luck.


----------



## vellocet

walkonmars said:


> So Joe is a lazy computer-game playing bum (according to you and his wife). Yet he eagerly works overtime to earn more money for his family?


Ya, I had to :scratchhead: on that one too. Seems like a lot of justifying trying to go on by both MW and imamess. 

Someone who works a lot of overtime isn't lazy.

I think OP and "Jane" just feel better if they demonize the BH.




> Seriously, I hope she ditches Joe. It'll be the best thing that ever happened to him. And you'll both get what you richly deserve, each other.


I agree.


----------



## Clay2013

I think I find this amazing on most threads and its really discouraging to even respond most of the time. 

Here you have a large group of people telling you to do the right thing. They are giving you perfectly logical reason why this is bad and it will not work Yet you like others have blindfolds on and don't even really want to try to be a decent person. 

This is a great opportunity for you to change who you are. Change your life for the better and do it with more support than you probably ever had in your entire life. I would use this site for all its worth. 

I never had this kind of support when my xW cheated on me. I imagine the impact it would have made on my decision making. 

Do the right thing today. To waste another second is simply agreeing you are the bad person people are saying you are. 

In the end you have to live with the things you have done. Maybe you can tell yourself all these things and just pass them off with out a care but I don't think I could do that. I have done wrong in my life and I do my best to own up to my mistakes and give the respect to the people I have wronged. 

Be a man stop seeing her and tell the husband what you have done. Own your mistake. 

Clay


----------



## Machiavelli

imamess222 said:


> For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement).


Well, God made men, but Col. Colt made them equal. And you never really know who you're dealing with in these kinds of situations. The first homicide scene I was ever on, was a husband blowing away his wife and her boyfriend while they were sitting in the BF's car in a parking lot. Then we had a very well known officer who was eating "lunch" in his girlfriend's van down in the river bottom when the GF's BH happened along. Bagged 'em both. I could come up with 30 more, right here in town. And those were all before GPS and cell phones. Hunting is so much easier with these modern aides.


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> I think many of you are right about a change in scenery. I need to get my head on straight. It's not like I can't get a better paying job anyways. I'm making 6 figs in salary now, but I've turned down a number of jobs that would have paid me more.


Really? What is it you do? Besides handing out overtime to people that you consider lazy?



> That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane.


Nah, that's coward's way out. Joe deserves to know just what kind of woman he is working all this overtime for. And Jane deserves to be outted. And you should do this face to face.

You have the guts to F his wife, have the guts to face him like a man.




> We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair.


YOU think its fair. Not so much for Joe. Joe needs to know that his wife is a cheating skank so he can make up his mind if he wants to make a go of it.

Otherwise what will happen is she will make him feel like he is the problem and that she is perfect and has no issues to work through, such as her inability to be faithful.

The only way 2 people can attempt to make a go of it is if both know everything. She doesn't get to lie to him, make him feel like he is the problem, and you and her think that is fair. Because its not.




> Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way.



Yup, just as I thought. He is the only one that has issues here. Both you and your "woman" believe that. Sorry, it aint so. She has issues here too. He isn't the only one that needs to work on anything.



> For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well.


ex military? And you behave in this manner? 

And I don't think you should be beat up, because you simply aren't worth it. I think if Joe knew he should report both you and his wife to the higher ups and bring a suit against the company unless you are fired.




> Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement). Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. *No offense intended towards Joe*, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be.



:bsflag:




> But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws.



You don't know a thing about honor. Obviously the military couldn't help you there. And again, Joe may have things he needs to work on, but it isn't all him no matter what you believe. Your "woman" is a cheating skank.


----------



## walkonmars

imamess222 said:


> ... I gave her 6 months to grieve. You would think that after 6 months she'd get over it and we'd move on. ...


She cut you down to once a week while she grieved her loss? What a cvnt! [Oh, try not to smirk when you get to this part with Jane: "..._In sickness and in health_..."]



imamess222 said:


> .... When a relationship stops being beneficial and you are the one who is doing all the giving, then you need to either change the relationship dynamic or sever the ties all together. It's how we live life to the fullest by trying to keep those relationships that are most beneficial to us, just as others evaluate me and associate with me because of the benefits that I provide to them....


On a side note, this is why you'll never be more than a middle manager. 

Long-term middle managers are usually clueless where personal interactions are concerned. Oh, they know the job well enough but they usually fail to live up to the company's core values. Most companies have a core value that personnel act decently and display good citizenship. It's evident to one and all that the way you've treated Joe is anything but. 



imamess222 said:


> ... Maybe we'll talk tonight and we can set some ground rules for a possible reconciliation. I don't know, but I think it could be worth a shot. Besides, my wife is a better catch overall than Jane anyways. No knock on Jane because she is pretty, smart and fun to be around. But my wife is on another level if she can kick her depression to the curb....


Oh my Gawd! Leave that poor woman alone. She's done her time. It's time for you to do time with Jane. 
Let's give you a little test on common decency. Tell her one of the 'ground rules' is to join this forum. It doesn't have to be the CWI forum - (we're on to you) - let her start a thread on 'general relationships' or 'going through separation/divorce' - let her get the benefit of posters other than the ones on CWI. They'll set her straight. 

*Are you willing to do that much for her?* Or is it all about you?


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> So is this a situation where I'm damned no matter what I do? If I step aside, I'm ridiculed.


Not at all. The problem is you are stepping aside only thinking that she will come back to you because you and her see Joe as the problem and you see no problem with her at all.

Like you said, you are willing to give them their shot, and someone replied that was mighty white of you.

You step aside and forget her. Not because you think he is the only problem here and you think that she is some saint, which she is not.




> If I pursue, it's ridicule.


That's a given.




> I think there isn't anything I can say or do that will be seen as a positive thing.


Sure there is. You just won't do it. You could say, "He is a good man for wanting to work overtime so he can better take care of his wife/family, and he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. So I think I will break it off with Jane and let them be."

But you won't do that.

But honestly, you will see what Joe has to deal with if you two get together and even get married. She'll get bored with you too, (ya, I know, you are special and that isn't going to happen to you) and when the boredom sets in and she is wanting the thrill of having sex with a different man other than the same old same old(you) that she has had for years, she will be looking for a new face to put with her sex.




> I think everyone has me judged as being a bad guy, and even if I do the right thing in the end it won't be good enough.



Sure it will, if you TRULY do the right thing. But you won't.




> I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person.



Ah, but its ok for you to make Joe out to be a terrible person, regardless of your diclaimers of "no offense to Joe", right?

What do you call a man that F's another man's wife, and talks sh*t about him?


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> My marriage is ending because my wife and I are no longer compatible when it comes to intimacy.


Yes, that does tend to happen with people who are not fit for long term commitment and forsaking all others.





> About 2 years ago a cousin she was very close to passed away. Ever since then she's become despondent. She's had good days but too many bad days. Our sex life dropped to once a week if I was lucky. Plus she didn't seem to be nearly as affectionate anymore. I gave her 6 months to grieve.


You GAVE her 6 months to grieve? Do you even hear yourself? What are you, her boss?

And a year and a half later after your generous allowance of her grieving period expired, you expect us to think that this is the reason you two are getting divorced? 

Sorry, aint buying it. You are getting divorced because you got bored of being with the same person for too long. Fickle is what they call it.


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> There's no need to get bent out of shape. I have feelings like everyone else. You make me out to be a monster with no emotion.


No, YOU do that on your own.




> I can see your points as well. Perhaps I was a little impatient with my wife.


Ya think? 




> For awhile now she's been asking that we get together to try to sort through things and work things out. Maybe we'll talk tonight and we can set some ground rules for a possible reconciliation.


No, don't change your plans. Your wife will be better off if she is able to move on and find someone else.




> I could do without the personal insults



So could Joe.


----------



## MattMatt

When it all goes wrong, wife will tell Joe Iamamess forced her to become his sex toy.

"Joe, he told me he would sack you if I didn't have sex with him!"

HR will grill Iamamess on the highest flame setting possible.


----------



## TheFlood117

First off, I told you way back when that this forum is full of Betrayed Spouses, many are men. So the "I could do without personal insults" isn't really in your control, and most are 100 percent on the dime to your benefit. Secondly, true character is demonstrated and shown by how you act when no one is watching, do you just fake being a man of integrity or do you actually live it. Additionally, you say that your ex military. I find your situational awareness lacking here. As Machiavellian said, you might be dealing with some very real and very violent consequences. That fat, zit faced, lazy Joe, could shoot 10 ring and blast you out of your socks. Trust me on this one. As the OM you do not want to be looking down the barrel of a gun= not fun times. 

Lastly and most importantly. 

Wise Up. You are being led by a manipulative emotional unstable woman, who is only looking for her next branch to grasp. 

Move on. Let it go.


----------



## kristin2349

The OP is a Sociopath. He admitted it in so many ways. 

There is no point in a relationship if it is not "beneficial". His shallow, selfish needs come first. He really doesn't care about anyone else. He comes first...Joe doesn't deserve Jane...Mrs. Iamamess is better than Jane but she's gotten tedious and he's been there done that.

He says he has feelings, uh yeah sure. Horny is a feeling. The rest are behavior and character issues. Immature, destructive, reckless, adulterer, abuse of a power position, meddling, lack of empathy and complete lack of loyalty or good sense... I could keep going but you are not capable of change.

You are going to have to relocate eventually because people will figure your game out. They always do and you'll need a new crowd/pool of targets for your shallow BS idea of life being like a cheesy soap opera.


----------



## TheFlood117

kristin2349 said:


> The OP is a Sociopath. He admitted it in so many ways.
> 
> There is no point in a relationship if it is not "beneficial". His shallow, selfish needs come first. He really doesn't care about anyone else. He comes first...Joe doesn't deserve Jane...Mrs. Iamamess is better than Jane but she's gotten tedious and he's been there done that.
> 
> He says he has feelings, uh yeah sure. Horny is a feeling. The rest are behavior and character issues. Immature, destructive, reckless, adulterer, abuse of a power position, meddling, lack of empathy and complete lack of loyalty or good sense... I could keep going but you are not capable of change.
> 
> You are going to have to relocate eventually because people will figure your game out. They always do and you'll need a new crowd/pool of targets for your shallow BS idea of life being like a cheesy soap opera.


I don't know about a sociopathic personality. I mean, a real sociopath wouldn't really care about anyone or anything. Just them. I don't think a legit sociopath would come to TAM and really care. He's just selfish. I don't see any real malice or violent impulses under the vail. I don't see an underlying rage- a key component for sociopaths. I see an OM who, like most OM and OW, thinks he is above and beyond reproach and way better than the BS. Not sociopath, just puppy love OM/OW behavior. 

He needs to get smarter and learn the "game" so to speak. 

The WW knows the game, and is executing pretty well. She's probably a narcissist.


----------



## kristin2349

TheFlood117 said:


> I don't know about a sociopathic personality. I mean, a real sociopath wouldn't really care about anyone or anything. Just them. I don't think a legit sociopath would come to TAM and really care. He's just selfish. I don't see any real malice or violent impulses under the vail. I don't see an underlying rage- a key component for sociopaths. I see an OM who, like most OM and OW, thinks he is above and beyond reproach and way better than the BS. Not sociopath, just puppy love OM/OW behavior.
> 
> He needs to get smarter and learn the "game" so to speak.
> 
> The WW knows the game, and is executing pretty well. She's probably a narcissist.



Good point, I don't think he really cares though Flood.

The lack of empathy and the inability to even register you've done wrong are glaring indicators. You don't have to be violent.

You can do just as much damage this way.

People aren't people to him, they are things there to further his agenda and meet his needs. He has no empathy.

However non violent sociopaths are usually charming...So he lacks that attribute.


----------



## vellocet

kristin2349 said:


> The OP is a Sociopath. He admitted it in so many ways.


That is obvious and think it sums things up nicely. Arrogant, conceited and hypocritical also come to mind. And no, those aren't insults. They are proper descriptions of his character/behavior based on his posts.


----------



## TheFlood117

kristin2349 said:


> Good point, I don't think he really cares though Flood.
> 
> The lack of empathy and the inability to even register you've done wrong are glaring indicators. You don't have to be violent.
> 
> You can do just as much damage this way.
> 
> People aren't people to him, they are things there to further his agenda and meet his needs. He has no empathy.
> 
> However non violent sociopaths are usually charming...So he lacks that attribute.


Most sociopaths are pretty violent. Many forms of violence out there not just psycho killer stuff. But we can debate the merits and attributes of behavioral sciences some other time. 

Although, I agree Kristin. He just might not care. I don't see sociopath. I just see douche bag stuff who is "in love" and think with little head and not big one. 

I did this for years, except I never fell in love and did use people like they were chess pieces- mostly women. I wasn't silly or naive enough to actually fall in love with any of the wives/GFs I banged. I wasn't a sociopath. Just a narcissistic tool with a very, very arrogant and selfish existence. 

Like I said, for the OP's own personal growth. Just wise up and move on.


----------



## Sandfly

What I find funniest about this, is how he blames the poor sod who works for him.

The truth is.... that.... if he wasn't a good worker, you'd have not kept him on long enough to get to know his wife.

Now you want to rewrite history and make out he's a bum, and rescue his wife from a life of toil and gnashed teeth.

Is this what they call "Knight In Shining Armour" syndrome?

Something similar which guys have to guard against is wanting to take care of the 'bird with the broken wing'.

Either way, these heroics are a fantasy brought on by chemicals. There's really no need to rationalise destructive impulses, because your new step-children certainly won't see you as the hero.


----------



## kristin2349

TheFlood117 said:


> Most sociopaths are pretty violent. Many forms of violence out there not just psycho killer stuff. But we can debate the merits and attributes of behavioral sciences some other time.
> 
> Although, I agree Kristin. He just might not care. I don't see sociopath. I just see douche bag stuff who is "in love" and think with little head and not big one.
> 
> I did this for years, except I never fell in love and did use people like they were chess pieces- mostly women. I wasn't silly or naive enough to actually fall in love with any of the wives/GFs I banged. I wasn't a sociopath. Just a narcissistic tool with a very, very arrogant and selfish existence.
> 
> Like I said, for the OP's own personal growth. Just wise up and move on.



I get your point. I know your history and see glaring differences.

You grew up. You knew you were doing wrong you were young and didn't get it or care at the time. 

When you were married you were no longer a "player". You were a husband and father capable of love and with deeper feelings, capable of introspection. You wouldn't have stayed faithful to your wife or been gutted when she cheated if you hadn't grown and had a moral compass.

Your definition of Sociopath is just narrower than mine. It exists in a wider category of personality disorders and the violent killer type is the easiest to spot and avoid.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Sandfly said:


> Something similar which guys have to guard against is wanting to take care of the 'bird with the broken wing'.
> 
> Either way, these heroics are a fantasy brought on by chemicals. There's really no need to rationalise destructive impulses, because your new step-children certainly won't see you as the hero.


I had the broken wing syndrome with the first relationship..


----------



## missthelove2013

TheFlood117 said:


> I don't know about a sociopathic personality. I mean, a real sociopath wouldn't really care about anyone or anything. Just them. I don't think a legit sociopath would come to TAM and really care. He's just selfish. I don't see any real malice or violent impulses under the vail. I don't see an underlying rage- a key component for sociopaths. I see an OM who, like most OM and OW, thinks he is above and beyond reproach and way better than the BS. Not sociopath, just puppy love OM/OW behavior.
> 
> He needs to get smarter and learn the "game" so to speak.
> 
> The WW knows the game, and is executing pretty well. She's probably a narcissist.





kristin2349 said:


> Good point, I don't think he really cares though Flood.
> 
> The lack of empathy and the inability to even register you've done wrong are glaring indicators. You don't have to be violent.
> 
> You can do just as much damage this way.
> 
> People aren't people to him, they are things there to further his agenda and meet his needs. He has no empathy.
> 
> However non violent sociopaths are usually charming...So he lacks that attribute.


he isnt here because he cares or has empathy
He is bragging...gloating...:smthumbup:

not ALL sociopaths are violent...


----------



## Sandfly

Hardtohandle said:


> I had the broken wing syndrome with the first relationship..


That's coz you've got compassion.

There was a story I found funny about a man in Blackpool who found an injured seagull and took it home.

He nursed it back to health and let it go near his home.

Instead of flying away it took up residence overlooking his front door and swooped down to peck his head whenever he left his house. Other seagulls started copying, and now he's afraid to go out!

You should have seen how CUTE this seagull was, it had these angry shiny little eyes, and I swear it was P-d off!

The moral of the story is, if the bird with the broken wing doesn't understand your help, they can be pretty malicious!


----------



## Miss Taken

imamess222 said:


> You make me out to be a monster with no emotion. I do have emotions and *I've been a very good husband to my wife,* and she was a good wife to me until this incident occurred.


Really? Because I didn’t miss this:



imamess222 said:


> I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person. Prior to my current job I used to travel for the company. I did that for 10 years, and out of all that time* I hardly ever got into any trouble. *Many, many people act like sex crazed frat boys and sorority sisters out on the road. *Aside from an indiscretion or two, I've been very, very clean.*


That’s like saying, “Aside from crushing a puppy or two, I’ve been very, very humane to my dogs.” “Aside from robbing a cancer charity, I’ve been very, very generous.” 

Your ability to deny, minimize and rationalize your actions is amazing. This is a problem that probably leaks out into more areas of your life – not just your marriage or the one you’re actively helping to ruin via the affair. The reason you are getting so much flack on this site is because you don’t see it. 

You demonstrate a smug and self-serving attitude throughout all of your posts, save the initial one in which you seemed to come here to feel like a victim and for some nurturing stroking. Your lack of empathy for those outside of yourself has the potential to be very damaging. It’s a trait that might serve you well in business but is very *narcissistic* and toxic for everyone around you.



imamess222 said:


> I think it was good for me to come on here because I think I'm gaining a better perspective. *I'm going to use this time from now through the weekend to see if I my wife and I can get a game plan together for getting back together*


What do you have to offer your wife besides a man that has admitted to breaking his vows - mainly, “forsake all others” (your traveling indiscretions that you justify by not being as much of a slvt as your colleagues) and “sickness and in health” (leaving your wife due to her depression which is a sickness)? 

Before you go to your wife, I’d hope you thought long and hard about what you have to offer her outside of money. You seem to weigh the pros and cons of having her in your life but *what good will it do her to have you in hers*?


----------



## TheFlood117

"not ALL sociopaths are violent". 

True. But most are, like the overwhelming majority. 

I've read and studied on the "everyday sociopath" or the "sociopath next door" or the big time CEO or wall streets guys that are "cut throat" and "ends justify the means" type of guys. 

Yeah... Nah, real sociopaths are straight up killers. Like literally, they will cut your throat, p!ss down your throat, have a smoke and a beer and then watch their favorite sitcom. All the while operating in a zen like state with a pulse that doesn't crack above 80. 

They're the guys that are in organized crime. Real heavy hitters. Bad, bad men. Cool, calm, calculating men of incredible skill and intelligence, but also incredible rage and lust for blood and chaos. 

And the thing is, they can be the most charming and charismatic people you'll ever meet. I see no charm nor charisma from OP at all. 

He's just a guy that fell in love with a guy's wife, and he knows the guy and he's being played by the wife. 

Dude, even admitted that he's not a player. He doesn't know how the game works. No infidelity in his previous marriage-that's what he say's he could be lying, but that would mean that he's what, had maybe I don't know the average number or less of female's- 7-9ish maybe a tad more. 

He's new at the "other man" gig, and he's not really equipped for it- Hence the "Feelings" and the "I love her, I want to save her from this terrible life she's in" attitude. He's even saying how much better he is than the Hubby (using the 'I make more money', 'I'm nice to her', 'I listen to her,' 'I have ambition,' 'I'm not a jerk to her...' These are NICE guy traits lol, the polar opposite of a player and really opposite of a sociopath) 

A sociopath wouldn't care about the hubby at all. He would have already removed that piece from the board so to speak. The hubby would be a non factor. The OP knows it's bad and he does have a bit of remorse for the hubby, sure he talks some sh!t about him and stuff, but he doesn't feel good about it. A sociopath is totally indifferent. They "just do things". 

OP, I hope you sort this out and see this for what it is. A rebound relationship for you, with a married woman who's looking for a way out and the next branch to grasp.


----------



## Miss Taken

TheFlood117 said:


> Dude, even admitted that he's not a player. He doesn't know how the game works. No infidelity in his previous marriage-that's what he say's he could be lying, but that would mean that he's what, had maybe I don't know the average number or less of female's- 7-9ish maybe a tad more.


"Dude" already admitted to cheating on the road in his last job. I think you may have missed that. 

Whether he feels remorse for the husband is debatable. A lot of people claim to have empathy that they lack because they know that's what "normal" people want to hear. 

So he's nice to the married woman that he's party to an affair with. That doesn't make him a "NICE GUY". Have you heard the saying that, "A person who is nice to you but is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person." He might be a nice guy to Jane but he's a real @sshole to her husband. Or, "You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those that can do nothing for him."

Jane does a lot for him, she has sex with him, makes him feel attractive and virile as a man and strokes his ego by telling him how inferior he makes her husband look... and I bet they, laugh and they laugh and they laugh before he bends her over the table. All Joe can do is get in the way.

That is not the actions of a nice guy IMO. And that's all it is, my opinion.


----------



## MattMatt

A lot of what he knows about Joe has been through the USF (Unfaithful Spouse Filter) so might only be partially true.


----------



## TheFlood117

OP is just in the fog, he's being played. WW is looking at the next best thing. That's all. He better wise up. 

Cause if there's one thing I think is true about ALL cheaters in relation to exit affairs. 

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. 

And she wants the exit. She just wants OP to do all the dirty work against her hubby. She's the director, screen writer, producer and leading lady in this movie. 

Just my 2 cents tho.


----------



## vellocet

> Aside from an indiscretion or two


Uh huh. Indiscretion eh? Thought you said that the reason you two are getting a divorce is because how she changed after grieving the death of a loved one?

Looks like you were looking to F around before that.

Busted. So you can now dispense with the tripe about how you are such a good catch and decent man. You were F'ing around before your excuse of your wife's grieving period.

I hope you and Jane get together. You'll be saving two other people and can cheat on each other. It would just be a matter of time. People like you get bored with the same person for too long.

So why don't you rat Jane out to Joe and save his life?


----------



## kitty2013

TheFlood117 said:


> OP is just in the fog, he's being played. WW is looking at the next best thing. That's all. He better wise up.
> 
> Cause if there's one thing I think is true about ALL cheaters in relation to exit affairs.
> 
> *If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. *
> 
> And she wants the exit. She just wants OP to do all the dirty work against her hubby. She's the director, screen writer, producer and leading lady in this movie.
> 
> Just my 2 cents tho.


Not always true.


----------



## Dyokemm

"Not always true."

Not a theory I'd ever be willing to test.

If I ever found out that a woman I was dating had cheated (I would never be an OM) in a past relationship, I would never allow that relationship to become serious.


----------



## terrence4159

not always true

only way they wont is if they stop on their own and take full responsibility and own what they did and not hide it from everyone.


----------



## Bobby5000

Read about David and Bearsheba. The one good thing the poor guy has it once this is discovered he will have a nice lawsuit against the company, get some money following the divorce, and they will let you go.


----------



## PreRaphaelite

So basically, OP is impressed with himself and so is his fvck-, errrrr soul-mate.

They're both so impressed with themselves as superior examples of the species that they decided it would enhance their already excellent lives if they carried on together.

Meanwhile cuckolded husband is a pimpled, game-addicted omega-male who doesn't measure up to Dudley Doo-rite in any capacity. Yet he does work overtime, thanks to Dudley Doo-rite's generosity. I mean, he's a living example of why Maureen Dowd spouts crap about men being obsolete. But not our Dudley Doo-rite. No, he's conflicted. And he's ripped, successful, intelligent and has the genes that any hypergamusly-inclined female would crave

And yet, cuckolded-nobody-husband works overtime and then goes home to play more computer games, but oh, his wife must be soooooooooooo caring, loving and compassionate. But no wait! We have the real story: she never wanted this marriage to begin with! It was all a mistake....STOP THE PRESSES, WHAT A REVELATION, NO WW HAS EVER SAID SUCH A THING BEFORE!!!!

Percentage chance that this woman's husband is actually not a bad guy but has received little to no emotional support from his wife, and that she's done nothing, absolutely nothing to help him to become a better man, so that playing computer games is one of his few escapes from the daily humiliation he feels from never having been respected or loved by his wife: 99.999999999999% out of 100%? 

Is that about right?

Oh, but it's his fault, the cuckold.

Ride into the sunset Dudley Doo-rite. Take Nell with you.


----------



## davecarter

Interesting comments from (mainly other betrayed husbands) on here.
All, basically advising *iamamess *to watch out because the angry 'Betrayed Husband' will come looking for him and beat him senseless, or even worse, end his very existence if he doesn't back.

Because, as we all know, reading the many, many threads here on TAM, that's what the betrayed hubby always does to the OM.


Isn't it?


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

The one's that do don't post here


----------



## manticore

TheFlood117 said:


> OP is just in the fog, he's being played. WW is looking at the next best thing. That's all. He better wise up.
> 
> Cause if there's one thing I think is true about ALL cheaters in relation to exit affairs.
> 
> *If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. *
> 
> And she wants the exit. She just wants OP to do all the dirty work against her hubby. She's the director, screen writer, producer and leading lady in this movie.
> 
> Just my 2 cents tho.





kitty2013 said:


> Not always true.


agreed with kitty, just 99.99% of the cases, the other .01% is safe


----------



## vellocet

davecarter said:


> Interesting comments from (mainly other betrayed husbands) on here.
> All, basically advising *iamamess *to watch out because the angry 'Betrayed Husband' will come looking for him and beat him senseless, or even worse, end his very existence if he doesn't back.
> 
> Because, as we all know, reading the many, many threads here on TAM, that's what the betrayed hubby always does to the OM.
> 
> 
> Isn't it?


I never advise any BH to try to attack the OM physically. They just aren't worth it.

If I were Joe in this case if I found out, I'd report him to the company superiors and let them know he set me up for overtime so he could fornicate with my wife. Would also let the wife's superiors know. Nothing would probably come from the latter. But old imamess's bosses shouldn't be too thrilled at his abuse of authority and using his position to help him more easily bed down his wife. Imamess would and should be history from the company.

And if not and the higher ups do not fire his ass, I'd bring suit against the company, and it would be a strong case.


----------



## vellocet

manticore said:


> agreed with kitty, just 99.99% of the cases, the other .01% is safe


But why take a chance that the person you are with is in that minute percentage? Not worth it. Better to find, well, better.


----------



## manticore

I was joking, I invented that % the real one for couples that begin as an affair is less than 5%, still pretty low, I agree with you is not worth it, but obviously people in the affair fog are not even thinking rationally to begin with.

So numbers, logic, statistics, family, consequences, everything seems irrelevant to them.


----------



## 6301

davecarter said:


> Interesting comments from (mainly other betrayed husbands) on here.
> All, basically advising *iamamess *to watch out because the angry 'Betrayed Husband' will come looking for him and beat him senseless, or even worse, end his very existence if he doesn't back.
> 
> Because, as we all know, reading the many, many threads here on TAM, that's what the betrayed hubby always does to the OM.
> 
> 
> Isn't it?


 You think that hasn't happened? My neighbor (a single guy) was messing around with a married woman for a few years and I warned him that she's going to get caught and he kept saying "Nah, she's got it covered" or so he thought." 

I was at a gas station a couple months later and she saw my truck and pulled in and looked like she saw a ghost. 

She jumped out of her car and ran over to me and told me to tell my neighbor to be on the look out for a black Ford pick up with a fish decal on the back window. I looked at her and said "Busted huh?" She got in her car and left. 

I came home a lunch time and as I was getting my mail, a black Ford pick up came up the street and the guy asked me my name and I told him and asked who he was, and he said "A pissed off husband and if you see _____, tell him I'm looking for him."

My neighbor came home around 5 PM and I told him what happened and he turned a whiter shade of pale. Few nights later he's in his garage and here comes the pick up truck with the guy and his wife. They got out and he proceeded to beat my neighbor senseless and then told his wife that "He's yours, don't come home". My neighbor had two broken ribs, broken nose that comes with two black eyes and a real sore body since he was body slammed on the driveway. He also had the guys wife and didn't want her around any longer. 

I drove her to her sisters to stay and nothing ever happened to her husband for beating the hell out of my neighbor. Well something happened. He divorced his wife so if you think it never happens, your wrong.


----------



## ConanHub

6301 said:


> You think that hasn't happened? My neighbor (a single guy) was messing around with a married woman for a few years and I warned him that she's going to get caught and he kept saying "Nah, she's got it covered" or so he thought."
> 
> I was at a gas station a couple months later and she saw my truck and pulled in and looked like she saw a ghost.
> 
> She jumped out of her car and ran over to me and told me to tell my neighbor to be on the look out for a black Ford pick up with a fish decal on the back window. I looked at her and said "Busted huh?" She got in her car and left.
> 
> I came home a lunch time and as I was getting my mail, a black Ford pick up came up the street and the guy asked me my name and I told him and asked who he was, and he said "A pissed off husband and if you see _____, tell him I'm looking for him."
> 
> My neighbor came home around 5 PM and I told him what happened and he turned a whiter shade of pale. Few nights later he's in his garage and here comes the pick up truck with the guy and his wife. They got out and he proceeded to beat my neighbor senseless and then told his wife that "He's yours, don't come home". My neighbor had two broken ribs, broken nose that comes with two black eyes and a real sore body since he was body slammed on the driveway. He also had the guys wife and didn't want her around any longer.
> 
> I drove her to her sisters to stay and nothing ever happened to her husband for beating the hell out of my neighbor. Well something happened. He divorced his wife so if you think it never happens, your wrong.


This story made me smile!  Thanks for sharing.


----------



## SolidSnake

Hello imamess,

I'm not here to criticize you, but I will try my best to offer so reasonable advice. 

I know this is an emotional situation for you, but try for one moment to forget about your emotional feelings for this woman and think about this objectively and rationally. Consider that:

Anyone who will cheat with you, will cheat ON YOU. 

This is a woman who lacks honor and integrity. She has cheated on her husband and broken her marriage vows. She is not a moral person or a person of character. Is this really the type of woman that you want to be with? 

The only reason you are making excuses for her poor moral choices, is because of your emotional connection with her. Take that away, and how does she look from the outside? Pretty darn bad. It obliterates any positive qualities that she might have as a potential partner. 

Even if she were willing to divorce her husband for you, and you two got together, you could never trust her. She would probably go out and find her next piece of a** on the side the minute things with you got routine.

In reality, she is such a coward that she isn't even willing to divorce her husband for you. The relationship has no future. 

Also, don't even think about trying to reconcile with your (ex?) wife unless you go NC with the woman that you are having an affair with. Your affair partner must be out of your life if you choose to reconcile. And you must tell you wife about your relationship with the married woman while you two were apart. 

I'm sure that you know that you are morally culpable in this situation too, which is why you state that you hate yourself. But you can make things right. Choose to stop seeing your affair partner and out your affair her to her husband. He has a right to know. 

Best wishes.


----------



## imamess222

Just an update on my situation. You guys were right. Getting involved with Jane was a mistake. I spent the weekend talking to my wife, and I think we're going to give it another shot. I'm willing to give her another chance. My wife has been returning to her old self, and we had a great weekend together. It was like our honeymoon all over again. I still like Jane - a lot - but she's not the same person as my wife. My wife has more class than Jane. I used to think Jane was better in the sack than my wife, but not after this weekend. I guess I was in that fog as others have said in this thread.

I need to figure out a way to get Jane out of my life now. This is going to get complicated, but I think it will work out for the best. Besides, her and Joe are supposed to be working on their marriage now anyways. I'm looking for a change of scenery and that prospect that I wrote about earlier looks really promising. 

As crazy as it sounds, I think I've played a positive role in helping those 2 work on their marriage. It may fail in the end for those two, but I think I had a positive influence in the matter over all. I think it will could be ironic that Jane had her affair with me. She was looking to have an affair on Joe no matter what, and if I wasn't the one she had it with, she would have probably ended up with someone else who would have ultimately ruined her marriage. I think I'm going to help her save the marriage now. I know this won't sound right to you guys, but I think I just helped Joe save his marriage. I almost wish that I could be acknowledged for helping Joe out with getting his life straightened out, but obviously that's not possible.


----------



## Thinkitthrough

A couple of things bother me about this messed up man. I always thought that the U.S. Military was all about honour, dignity and loyalty. I'm not American but we got all that "Army Strong" and all that stuff . I don't think Mr. Messed up is the kind of product the Army would be proud of. Secondly, and I don't think you missed this point, that being neither one of them has any integrity or honour, and that a man who would use his position of authority to eliminate the husband and increase his opportunity to Bang the mans wife, doesn't have any more morality or courage than the serviceable wife does. I would like to know how a man like you, Mr. Messed could call a man who seems to be decent, moral, and even seems to love his wife as more than a piece of axx could call himself a superior man, when your real place is lower than a snakes belly.


----------



## Machiavelli

Thinkitthrough said:


> A couple of things bother me about this messed up man. I always thought that the U.S. Military was all about honour, dignity and loyalty. I'm not American but we got all that "Army Strong" and all that stuff . I don't think Mr. Messed up is the kind of product the Army would be proud of. Secondly, and I don't think you missed this point, that being neither one of them has any integrity or honour, and that a man who would use his position of authority to eliminate the husband and increase his opportunity to Bang the mans wife, doesn't have any more morality or courage than the serviceable wife does. I would like to know how a man like you, Mr. Messed could call a man who seems to be decent, moral, and even seems to love his wife as more than a piece of axx could call himself a superior man, when your real place is lower than a snakes belly.


Well, the current idea of military honor is not "Bros before Hoes." It's more like "I will hold this position and die in place if ordered to do so." And to actually follow through on you promise.

Plus, an internal sense of honor is associated historically with the officer corps / knightly class, that is to say "gentlemen" by birth or act of Congress. And that class used to settle these issues on the "Field of Honor." That means fighting duels, which were outlawed about 150 years ago. So, "honor", even military honor, is kind of a fluid concept. 



Chivalry is dead. Trust in your own arms.


----------



## 3putt

imamess222 said:


> Just an update on my situation. You guys were right. Getting involved with Jane was a mistake. *I spent the weekend talking to my wife, and I think we're going to give it another shot. I'm willing to give her another chance. *


Just what does she think _*she's*_ getting another shot at, and just what did you talk about this weekend?

Obviously, you weren't honest with her, otherwise it would have been _*her*_ giving _*you*_ another shot, not you giving her one.

In other words.....you didn't tell her the whole truth, did you?

Right?

Quite cowardly if you ask me, letting her think she's the problem while you're out there fvcking up another man's marriage for your own little jollies.

Grow the fvck up and be completely honest for once.

Honest with ALL parties involved that is.

_"Give her another chance......."_

Just wow!


----------



## imamess222

3putt said:


> Just what does she think _*she's*_ getting another shot at, and just what did you talk about this weekend?
> 
> Obviously, you weren't honest with her, otherwise it would have been _*her*_ giving _*you*_ another shot, not you giving her one.
> 
> In other words.....you didn't tell her the whole truth, did you?
> 
> Right?
> 
> Quite cowardly if you ask me, letting her think she's the problem while you're out there fvcking up another man's marriage for your own little jollies.
> 
> Grow the fvck up and be completely honest for once.
> 
> Honest with ALL parties involved that is.
> 
> _"Give her another chance......."_
> 
> Just wow!


If I lay all the cards on the table, no one wins. There is no point to stirring up the hornets nest and hurting everyone involved. Besides, Jane and I made a mistake. If we just let it fade away, or maybe meet up only once in a blue moon if it becomes too difficult to stay away, then that's a lot better. It preserves our marriages and doesn't put out spouses through pain and stress. My goal is to pursue the potential opportunity and to move away anyways so that we can begin our lives anew. I'm giving up my home for the sake of Joe. I think that's more than fair.


----------



## manticore

imamess222 said:


> As crazy as it sounds, *I think I've played a positive role in helping those 2 work on their marriage.* It may fail in the end for those two, but *I think I had a positive influence in the matter over all*. I think it will could be ironic that Jane had her affair with me. She was looking to have an affair on Joe no matter what, and if I wasn't the one she had it with, she would have probably ended up with someone else who would have ultimately ruined her marriage. *I think I'm going to help her save the marriage now*. *I know this won't sound right to you guys, but I think I just helped Joe save his marriage.* * I almost wish that I could be acknowledged for helping Joe out with getting his life straightened out, but obviously that's not possible.*


I have to admit that you fooled me with your first post, but after this statement and reapeating so many times how you helped JOE is obvious that you have other agenda here.

you are funny, go a get a life.


----------



## Clay2013

imamess222 said:


> If I lay all the cards on the table, no one wins. There is no point to stirring up the hornets nest and hurting everyone involved. Besides, Jane and I made a mistake. If we just let it fade away, or maybe meet up only once in a blue moon if it becomes too difficult to stay away, then that's a lot better. It preserves our marriages and doesn't put out spouses through pain and stress. My goal is to pursue the potential opportunity and to move away anyways so that we can begin our lives anew. I'm giving up my home for the sake of Joe. I think that's more than fair.


Why even come to this site if you don't want help. 

Being honest with all the people involved is the main part of this process. I get you don't want to loose your job or cause yourself any embarrassment. You say you don't want to cause Jane any problems. Well honestly you shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. 

If you want to do the right thing then you have to listen and actually do the right thing. 

What if you were in your employees shoes. You honestly would not want to know your wife is having sex with your boss? Let me guess you would be ok with it as long as she kept it to herself right?


Its simple. Own your mistake.

Clay


----------



## imamess222

Clay2013 said:


> *Why even come to this site if you don't want help. *
> 
> Being honest with all the people involved is the main part of this process. I get you don't want to loose your job or cause yourself any embarrassment. You say you don't want to cause Jane any problems. Well honestly you shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place.
> 
> If you want to do the right thing then you have to listen and actually do the right thing.
> 
> What if you were in your employees shoes. You honestly would not want to know your wife is having sex with your boss? Let me guess you would be ok with it as long as she kept it to herself right?
> 
> 
> Its simple. Own your mistake.
> 
> Clay


This site has helped me, and I thank everyone for their honest feedback. I reassessed my situation and thought that I should not throw away my marriage without seeing if there is something to save. There was, and I was blind to it. You guys helped me to see. I don't know if this marriage will last until death takes us, but the divorce proceedings have been put on hold as of this morning.


----------



## the guy

There is always tomorrow!


----------



## 3putt

imamess222 said:


> If I lay all the cards on the table, no one wins. There is no point to stirring up the hornets nest and hurting everyone involved. Besides, Jane and I made a mistake. If we just let it fade away, or maybe meet up only once in a blue moon if it becomes too difficult to stay away, then that's a lot better. It preserves our marriages and doesn't put out spouses through pain and stress. My goal is to pursue the potential opportunity and to move away anyways so that we can begin our lives anew. I'm giving up my home for the sake of Joe. I think that's more than fair.


So, you're completely without morals, value, and character. 

Got it.

I feel very sorry for your victims. For you?....I feel nothing but pity. 

Simply pathetic. Good luck, I guess.


----------



## the guy

Can I get Janes number or can I find it at the nearest truck stop?


----------



## 6301

imamess222 said:


> As crazy as it sounds, I think I've played a positive role in helping those 2 work on their marriage. It may fail in the end for those two, but I think I had a positive influence in the matter over all. I think it will could be ironic that Jane had her affair with me. She was looking to have an affair on Joe no matter what, and if I wasn't the one she had it with, she would have probably ended up with someone else who would have ultimately ruined her marriage. I think I'm going to help her save the marriage now. I know this won't sound right to you guys, but I think I just helped Joe save his marriage. I almost wish that I could be acknowledged for helping Joe out with getting his life straightened out, but obviously that's not possible.


 Oh yeah, your a positive role model, a great catch and would make a great marriage counselor. The wife is jumping for joy that you gave her another chance. Joe and Jane are as happy as a priest at a little league game that since you screwed his wife and made the guy work overtime they now have a great marriage and it's all because of your d!ck. Dude you need help in a big time way. Do everyone a favor and get it before you ruin another marriage.


----------



## somethingelse

imamess222 said:


> My marriage is ending because my wife and I are no longer compatible when it comes to intimacy. About 2 years ago a cousin she was very close to passed away. Ever since then she's become despondent. She's had good days but too many bad days. Our sex life dropped to once a week if I was lucky. Plus she didn't seem to be nearly as affectionate anymore. I gave her 6 months to grieve. You would think that after 6 months she'd get over it and we'd move on. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I tried to get her to see a doctor so that she could get some pills to help her feel better. She refused, and now we're getting divorced. I don't mean to sound crass, but a guy can only take so much before you hit your limit. Do you get where I'm coming from?


So your wife has been grieving......

and you cut down your sex to once a week....

she has her good days and bad days....

and you're getting divorced because of these things....

Ok..so I'm lost now...I thought that marriage was supposed to be through thick or thin, sickness or in health. That kind of thing...You must have a minimal "limit". Sorry, but this struck me as a bit odd. These things she's going through sound completely normal to me. She is only human. Maybe she's been grieving a bit more because she feels something different in your marriage as well?? Intuition about your affair perhaps? In combination with the death of a loved one, I would think that she is going through a lot?? No? Am I wrong?

And in regards to your affair with your employee's wife. I just wanted to say that I disagree with 99% of what you've been saying. She is no prize sir. Until she comes clean and changes her ways anyway.....

And I seriously question that the love she feels for you is real. She didn't have to marry her husband just because she was pregnant either. To be honest with you, I don't think you can take anything she says seriously....because she is obviously living in fantasy land and is lying to all parties involved.. I'm sure of this. 

And it's not nice to cut down on her husband about his looks or the things he does wrong. People are not perfect. But his wife is the only thing he has I bet that he is proud about and can smile about. And you've taken that away from him. Despite his constant video game playing (which for all you know may or may not be true)

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Sometimes we have to make the best of what we have and stop thinking that we can have EVERYTHING we want. It's not possible, and if you think that you will ever be totally happy with everyone in your life or your situation, you will be sadly disappointed. Happiness is what you make it, not something that is handed to you on a golden platter.


----------



## the guy

3putt said:


> So, you're completely without morals, value, and character.
> 
> Got it.
> 
> I feel very sorry for your victims. For you?....I feel nothing but pity.
> 
> Simply pathetic. Good luck, I guess.


Leave morals out of it, I think we all can have a turn with Jane!


----------



## the guy

Sorry guys I'm phucking losing it!

inamess is doing Joe such a great favor I bet he doesn't mind cleaning up is load after inamess is done with his old lady?


----------



## Thinkitthrough

To redeem some part of his humanity he might want to let Joe know what his wife has been up to and apologize for the damage you have done.


----------



## imamess222

I appreciate the honest feedback. But telling everyone what Jane and I did will not be helpful. You can argue that it would be selfish of one or both of us if we would tell everyone what we did in order to soothe a guilty conscience. The best thing I can do to atone for my "sins" is to live the best life I can and to stay out of Joe's and Jane's way - to the best of my (and Jane's) abilities.


----------



## PreRaphaelite

OP: the one thing that's very obvious about you is that you have a highly inflated opinion of yourself, and you could do well eat some humility pie.

You didn't "help" Joe and Jane and you aren't doing your wife any favors. Until you realize that you're not God's gift to women because of your military service, hiking, athleticism, sexual prowess, money and success and god-knows-what-else, you'll end up doing the same thing over again most likely.

And now you just want to see it all swept under the rug because why? It would be inconvenient if it came out....mainly for you.

You have an ego the size of a hot air balloon my friend.


----------



## terrence4159

wow im getting off this guys bridge. no one can be this self centered and egomaniacal.


----------



## the guy

terrence4159 said:


> wow im getting off this guys bridge. no one can be this self centered and egomaniacal.


Ya but his girl friend sounds like fun.To bad both his wife and Joe get sloppy second out of the deal.

I forgot OP sent his girl friend back to her husband to clean up his mess.


----------



## Dyokemm

"She is no prize sir. Until she comes clean and changes her ways anyway....."

somethingelse,

He has the same problem though he is obviously blind to it since he has already posted how he is so much better of a man and a catch that the BH.

He is nothing but a self-centered, self-serving excuse for a man.

In his last post, he is even justifying continuing to hide his scummy behavior.

It's obvious OP you have zero concept of being a man with honor and integrity.


----------



## somethingelse

Dyokemm said:


> "She is no prize sir. Until she comes clean and changes her ways anyway....."
> 
> somethingelse,
> 
> He has the same problem though he is obviously blind to it since he has already posted how he is so much better of a man and a catch that the BH.
> 
> He is nothing but a self-centered, self-serving excuse for a man.
> 
> In his last post, he is even justifying continuing to hide his scummy behavior.
> 
> It's obvious OP you have zero concept of being a man with honor and integrity.



Agreed. I didn't mention these solid points. But I think we all had that same idea in our heads as an obvious, which is why I didn't need to say it


----------



## the guy

Dyokemm said:


> It's obvious OP you have zero concept of being a man with honor and integrity.


Forget the man...OP has a girl friend with zero honor and integrity..to bad her own husband doen't have a clue or he could be doing the slap and pull in his own bed room with is wife instead of sharing her with OP.

Jane sounds like an easy piece of @ss its a shame her husband doesn't even know it. Poor phuck could be having a hell of a lot more fun in the bedroom, or the kitchen, living room garage,basement......


----------



## Mr Blunt

> The best thing I can do to atone for my "sins" is to live the best life I can and to stay out of Joe's and Jane's way - to the best of my (and Jane's) abilities.


You have the ability to stay out of Joe and Jane’s way and could put a stop to it today if you really wanted to.






> “The best thing I can do to atone for my "sins" is to live the best life I can…”


*You can start living that best life by getting right with God, yourself, and your wife*. You betrayed your wife and owe her big time. I assume she has not been humping another man so you have committed the biggest wrong in your marriage. According t your posts, the only thing your wife did that upset you was be depressed over a death and not give you enough sex. No wonder you said that you do not like yourself. You can make it up if you really want to.

You and Jane have proven that you cannot be trusted to be faithful in a marriage so make sure you sever the ties with Jane once and for all. Jane may have given you some hot sex but she cheated on her husband because he liked to play a lot of video games. Do you really think that the hot sex will last with Jane if you go back to her, live with her, and go through life’s disasters with her? How many disasters do you think it would take for her to replace you? 

*Work on your marriage and do not stop when you hit disappointments.* There will be times when you will be disappointed in your wife and she will be disappointed with you but the best shot you have a good marriage is with your wife. The reason that I say this is because of what you said below


> Besides, my wife is a better catch overall than Jane anyways. No knock on Jane because she is pretty, smart and fun to be around. But my wife is on another level if she can kick her depression to the curb.



Even when you are disappointed with your wife for not giving you hot sex and only once a week, you have stated that she is really on another level and that is a very positive statement about your wife.

Another reason that your best bet to have a good marriage is with your wife is that it will be very hard if not impossible to find another good woman that wants to marry a man that betrayed his wife when she got sick.

*Do not forget to also work on yourself so you can get over you not liking yourself.* You do have a conscience and have made the right decision for yourself by going back to your wife but you will struggle for some time. You know that if you got sick and were a drag on your wife you would want her to stick by you until you got better. You also have to face the fact that you, like Jane did not stick by your spouse. A good man with a conscience will struggle with this reality. From what you have written I do believe that you are a good man that has taken the selfish road and have done some real damage.



*Three reasons for you to work hard to make your marriage work:

1	It is the right thing to do

2	Your chances of getting another good woman are slim to none and I think slim may have left the building.

3 You need to like yourself again*


----------



## Singledude21

"*I don't like myself *and I need help"

Sound like you love the hell out of yourself here.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

Roll bread.


----------



## Humble Pie

If you cared about their money situation than help them! you keep referring to money, your a little whizzle who is trying to justify you whizzle actions. "I feel if I give him a bonus" to compensate for screwing his wife... wtf!!! Then you talk about how giving him overtime helps their financial situation - who are you to talk about their situation you! You are unbelievable with your rationale, no wonder you are alone and ruining other people's marriage. Oh I forget, she would be cheating anyone with someone else right. Dude you are pathetic, you need serious help.


----------



## imamess222

Singledude21 said:


> "*I don't like myself *and I need help"
> 
> Sound like you love the hell out of yourself here.


What I don't like about myself is the fact that this relationship with Jane started in the first place. It's not like I intentionally sought her out. It just happened. How would you feel if you ended up having strong feelings for a married woman? It sucks.

But with the help of you guys on this forum, I've reconnected with my wife and this relationship with Jane should eventually stop.


----------



## somethingelse

imamess222 said:


> What I don't like about myself is the fact that this relationship with Jane started in the first place. It's not like I intentionally sought her out. It just happened. How would you feel if you ended up having strong feelings for a married woman? It sucks.
> 
> But with the help of you guys on this forum, I've reconnected with my wife and this relationship with Jane should eventually stop.


Eventually stop? …..

How have you reconnected with your wife may I ask?


----------



## alte Dame

This cannot be real. I don't want to believe that someone with a character like this OP can actually keep two women on the hook.


----------



## kitty2013

alte Dame said:


> This cannot be real. I don't want to believe that someone with a character like this OP can actually keep two women on the hook.


Nothing is impossible. I personally met a guy with 1 wife and 3 mistresses.


----------



## lisab0105

Hold on a second Messy, you plan on getting back together with your wife all the while cheating on her from time to time with Jane?

:wtf::bsflag::slap::banghead:


----------



## Clay2013

:rofl:


----------



## InlandTXMM

Troll thread. I don't mind if the mods want to spank me for it. This guy is here to inflame.


----------



## LostViking

imamess222 said:


> What I don't like about myself is the fact that this relationship with Jane started in the first place. It's not like I intentionally sought her out. It just happened. *How would you feel if you ended up having strong feelings for a married woman? * It sucks.
> 
> But with the help of you guys on this forum, I've reconnected with my wife and this relationship with Jane should eventually stop.


It is human and natural to develop feelings for a coworker who is married, espeially if you work with them daily. 

But most people keep up certain boundaries that are never crossed, and thus these close working relationships do not evolve into affairs. This bimbo you are banging has no respect for her husband, so it was easy for her to lower her boundaries and allow you to seduce her. 

You are a predator. Plain and simple. You have no boundaries. And until you learn some morals and respect for other peoples rights, you will continue this behavior for the rest of your life.


----------



## harrybrown

If your wife had an affair, how would you feel?

Have you gone NC with Jane? 

You are still cake eating. How about telling her H what you are doing? 

How do you know you will not get stds from Jane? there is a new strain of HIV that works twice as fast as before in going to full scale AIDS. 

Jane could be having more than one affair. Jane would not cheat on her husband, correct? So she would never lie to you? To justify her affair, she will magnify every fault of the her H to you. 

Do you know the pain of having someone cheat on you? 

Tell your wife what you are doing. When she gets an std from you, she will know what you did. 

My friend's wife gave him AIDS from her affairs. He is now dead. So is she and she died after he did. The kids all know what she did. The kids are being raised by their grandparents. 

No one will get hurt from your cheating, right? You do not care about your wife. Give her a divorce, let her find someone that really cares about her.

Then you can be with Jane, and hope that she does not cheat on you like she did with you.


----------



## lenzi

imamess222 said:


> *But with the help of you guys on this forum, *I've reconnected with my wife and this relationship with Jane should eventually stop.


Nice one! Very well played. 

This guy (or girl) is good!

:rofl:


----------



## RWB

11 pages... c'mon CWI, another T---- Thread I would hope?


----------



## imamess222

lisab0105 said:


> Hold on a second Messy, you plan on getting back together with your wife all the while cheating on her from time to time with Jane?
> 
> :wtf::bsflag::slap::banghead:


I plan on getting back together with my wife. I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling. I'm only human, and when you get as deep into an affair, it can be hard to get out. It's like being hooked on drugs. I read somewhere that you can be addicted to heroine after taking one dose. You can say that Jane is my heroine.


----------



## imamess222

RWB said:


> 11 pages... c'mon CWI, another T---- Thread I would hope?


No, I'm not a troll. I wish I was, because experiencing this in real life is not fun. I know you guys think that I'm the spawn of Satan. But you don't know what I'm going through. Everyone keys on how bad Joe is being screwed over in all this. But what about me. I didn't ask for this. It just happened. In some ways, it's not my fault. If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry. 

If it wasn't for you guys, I'd be still traveling down this road with Jane. You guys helped me to open my eyes and see that my marriage is worth saving. I give you my thanks from the bottom of my heart.


----------



## TheFlood117

Like I said, rebound relationship. I called this one on the first page or something. She was playing this poor sap and Joe. Jane is the real player in this game. She'll probably have a new OM pretty soon. OP, good luck with your wife. Although I think you should be relationship free. But you sound like the kinda guys that needs a relationship with women to validate yourself. But I think you should work on you first. 


Good luck.


----------



## somethingelse

imamess222 said:


> I plan on getting back together with my wife. *I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling.* I'm only human, and when you get as deep into an affair, it can be hard to get out. It's like being hooked on drugs. I read somewhere that you can be addicted to heroine after taking one dose. You can say that Jane is my heroine.


:scratchhead: You've already planned to fall off the wagon

Not that you will respond to my post, but, I just want to say that you sound like your trying to blame everyone in this situation except for yourself. Like you're a victim and everyone else is at fault for luring you into this. Or that you didn't have enough will to leave this guy's wife alone, and we should all feel bad for you. The classic kid in a candy store who just couldn't leave without a taste of something. It was too good to pass up. But then you got sick because you ate too much. 

Sorry, but I'm not buying it. 

I'm glad that you feel we have helped you reconcile with your wife, but there's more to reconciliation than just being together again. It involves dropping all things that can interfere in a marriage...like cheating for example. Otherwise, it is not true reconciliation. It's a lie all wrapped up in a tiny bow.


----------



## alphaomega

Imamesss,

Look....

There's no "falling of the wagon" while your reconciling.

You either commit, or you don't.

The fact that you have this all planned out concerns me. You are already making excuses.

In all respect.....

You plan on it being ok to cheat while you are reconciling.

You plan on reconciling while you are infatuated with the other women.

You think you and the OW deserve each other because joe is such a d!ck.

Yet, you have plans on reconciliation....

Ok. You may be a deceny guy in heart. But your all confused. And your confusion has your "rationalization hampster" in your brain working overtime. 

Listen to what everyone is saying. And listen with an open mind...

At the current path...you ARE damned if you do. And if you don't.

The fact of the matter is your separated....and want to reconcile, but also pursue the OW.

And in pursuing the OW, you over extended your position to give work to her husband....so you can get with his wife.

So not good....on so many levels....not to mention legal implications.

And...your brain is so pumped with oxytocin with the thrill your getting with the OW that you rationalize cheating while reconciling with your wife. Again...not good.

Look....take a step back for a moment.....

Do you want to reconcile?

Do you want to keep it with the OW?

Do you want to create a very expensive lawsuit?

Do you want to lose your career and everything you've worked for until now?

Stop the insanity. Realize it's just oxytocin, seratonin, and other potent brain chemicals influencing your thoughts right now.

Take a step back and rationalize what you really want.

Btw. Those oxytocin and other brain chefs are just as addictive as heroin. After you separate your feelings, you will start to think more rationally.


----------



## calmwinds

Falling off the wagon is..........wait for it...........
CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Self Help

Just in case you are not aware, legally separated is still married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> I plan on getting back together with my wife. I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling.


That makes no sense whatsoever.





> I'm only human



No, you are a cheater. The "I'm only human" tripe is said in an attempt to downplay your behavior. It doesn't work to say that.




> It's like being hooked on drugs.


You wanna know how to get unhooked? Risk losing everything. Tell your wife. That might snap you out of it if you have any sense of decency.


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> Everyone keys on how bad Joe is being screwed over in all this. But what about me. I didn't ask for this. It just happened.


Bullsh*t. It doesn't just happen. It happened because you wanted it to happen. Therefore you did ask for this.

What about you? You put yourself in this situation. So ya, we are going to key on how bad Joe is being screwed over because he is the one that didn't ask for this.




> In some ways, it's not my fault.


You are correct, the other half of the fault lies with Jane.

You two share the fault equally.




> If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry.



blah blah blah blah. Ya, and I'm sure you are saying the same thing about your wife. Newsflash for ya dude. The way you described your own character, its obvious that you'd cheat on any woman once she is no longer new and exciting. If you ended up with Jane, it would be a matter of time before you get bored and the newness is gone.

Excuses excuses. I'm sure he takes care of Jane just fine. Jane is just a huss that is bored being married. Just like you. 



> If it wasn't for you guys, I'd be still traveling down this road with Jane. You guys helped me to open my eyes and see that my marriage is worth saving.


No, its not worth saving. Your wife deserves much better.


----------



## Miss Taken

Cool story bro. :bsflag:

I put this Chinese emoticon here because it's random. :chinese:

I'm about done with this thread. Roll Bread indeed.


----------



## 3putt

Miss Taken said:


> Cool story bro. :bsflag:
> 
> I put this Chinese emoticon here because it's random. :chinese:
> 
> I'm about done with this thread. Roll Bread indeed.


This thread ought to be deleted. Even if he is real (and I seriously doubt it), it's a waste of board space and time as this guy is completely devoid of morals and integrity.


----------



## imamess222

3putt said:


> This thread ought to be deleted. Even if he is real (and I seriously doubt it), it's a waste of board space and time as this guy is completely devoid of morals and integrity.


I am not devoid of morals, and my story is real. I never came here to proclaim that I was a saint. I realize that I can do better than I am currently, and that I need to work harder on my marriage.

BTW, the wife and I are reconnecting and it's going well. Jane has been spending more time with Joe to try to salvage their mess. So things are going well overall. I didn't like myself for sleeping with Jane and not working on my marriage. You guys helped to put me back on the straight and narrow. I owe many of you some gratitude. I'd love to buy a couple of you a round of drinks to celebrate at some point in the future (I sincerely mean that by the way), but I still have to see how my reconciliation with the wife goes first. I'm cautiously optimistic that it will work out great.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> Quote of imams
> I didn't ask for this. It just happened. In some ways, it's not my fault. If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry


*STOP IT!!*
Stop with the “it just happened” and “in some ways it is not my fault”

You are going to lose those that want to help you if you keep coming up with Jr. High excuses.


*The truth is that when your wife got sick and depressed over a death and did not give you enough sex you allowed yourself to get involved with a married woman and stab Joe in the back!* You can dance all around but that is the cold truth!

Also stop with the “, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling. I'm only human” crap! *You can stop the possibility of cheating if you really want to.* You are the boss and can impose severe consequences on Jane and Joe if she ever tries to seduce you. There are a lot of ways you can stop the A.


You have decided to R with your wife and try and stop the A. I can almost give you a high five for that! You need to go one more step and make sure that Jane knows that she will suffer if she tries too have sex with you. *Do you want to remain emotionally weak and unable to do what you know you should do?*


Do what is right and get help if you need to. *You are a mess and do not like yourself because you betrayed a sick and depressed woman and stabbed Joe in the back and allowed Jane to have control over your weak emotions.*

You can rebuild yourself if you want to; you just have to do some hard things


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> I am not devoid of morals, and my story is real. I never came here to proclaim that I was a saint. I realize that I can do better than I am currently, and that I need to work harder on my marriage.
> 
> BTW, the wife and I are reconnecting and it's going well.


Really? Did you tell her that you are cheating? Are you letting her think the problems in the marriage are hers and hers alone?


----------



## Thinkitthrough

I would add that if Jane is serious about fixing marriage Jane must tell him about you and the affair, or, because you bear so much of the culpability for the mess, you must tell him if she can't. There is no healing with out transparity and truth.


----------



## walkonmars

So in the space of 168 hours:
*you got it on with Joe's slvt

*Made some rules for your wife to follow if she wanted to R

*Managed to R with your wife

*Joe and (what's her made up name?) are managing to clean up their mess

*spent a great deal of time on this story

*managed to go to your third shift job at Micky D (oops sorry, I meant to say to you "executive" job at whatever place you made up)

-------------------
Just out of curiosity, how's that cure for cancer coming along?
--------------------------
This is one of the most obvious "T R O ...L " threads I've ever seen. 
Not imaginative at all.


----------



## vellocet

walkonmars said:


> So in the space of 168 hours:
> *you got it on with Joe's slvt
> 
> *Made some rules for your wife to follow if she wanted to R



This is the part that pisses me off. He has rules for his W. But his wife isn't going to have the opportunity to make any meaningful rules for him because he will not tell her he is a cheater.

Therefore she will be working on the marriage thinking its her burden and that he doesn't have to do a damn thing except be there. Amazing.



> *Managed to R with your wife


Seem a lot like reconciliation if one person gets the other to do exactly as they demand all the while nothing has changed on their end (lying, cheating, etc)


----------



## doubletrouble

Wow. Not that posting here will make a dit of difference, but I think OP ditched his wife when she got depressed because he already had his eye on Jane. Prolly been banging her longer than has been told. Now he's worried about his (alleged) career so is getting back with poor W. She's foolish enough to go for it. I feel sorry for her. 

OP, if the thing with Jane is over, it's OVER. You don't get heroin. Your W is your heroin. Anything else is just more dirtbag behavior. 

Roll bread. I'm out.


----------



## As'laDain

troll thread.

everytime people start to post that they are losing interest because this looks like a troll thread, there is suddenly a new developement that (from my perspective) looks like an attempt to satiate just that little bit of need to show that he is "genuine" and working on his issues while at the same time maintaining enough of an illusion of "*******" that people still post. 

and i too would like to hear the cure for cancer.

;0


----------



## Thinkitthrough

You are no doubt right, but man he pushes the buttons.


----------



## InlandTXMM

6301 said:


> You think that hasn't happened? My neighbor (a single guy) was messing around with a married woman for a few years and I warned him that she's going to get caught and he kept saying "Nah, she's got it covered" or so he thought."
> 
> I was at a gas station a couple months later and she saw my truck and pulled in and looked like she saw a ghost.
> 
> She jumped out of her car and ran over to me and told me to tell my neighbor to be on the look out for a black Ford pick up with a fish decal on the back window. I looked at her and said "Busted huh?" She got in her car and left.
> 
> I came home a lunch time and as I was getting my mail, a black Ford pick up came up the street and the guy asked me my name and I told him and asked who he was, and he said "A pissed off husband and if you see _____, tell him I'm looking for him."
> 
> My neighbor came home around 5 PM and I told him what happened and he turned a whiter shade of pale. Few nights later he's in his garage and here comes the pick up truck with the guy and his wife. They got out and he proceeded to beat my neighbor senseless and then told his wife that "He's yours, don't come home". My neighbor had two broken ribs, broken nose that comes with two black eyes and a real sore body since he was body slammed on the driveway. He also had the guys wife and didn't want her around any longer.
> 
> I drove her to her sisters to stay and nothing ever happened to her husband for beating the hell out of my neighbor. Well something happened. He divorced his wife so if you think it never happens, your wrong.


I'm tardy in this thread but this post made my morning.


----------



## InlandTXMM

imamess222 said:


> I plan on getting back together with my wife. I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling. I'm only human, and when you get as deep into an affair, it can be hard to get out. It's like being hooked on drugs. I read somewhere that you can be addicted to heroine after taking one dose. You can say that Jane is my heroine.


How f^cking romantic. He's a keeper, Jane! :smthumbup:


----------



## tulsy

imamess222 said:


> .... I think I just helped Joe save his marriage. I almost wish that I could be acknowledged for helping Joe out with getting his life straightened out....


Ya. 

Right.

Cool story, bro.


----------



## imamess222

Hello everyone. I wanted to update you on how things are going with my reconciliation with my wife. It's going well. I'm so glad I took the plunge to reconnect with her. We haven't been this happy in years, and we really want to turn the page and enjoy our marriage again. It's like a phoenix rising from the ashes. 

I owe everyone my thanks for taking the time to talk some sense into me in this thread. I almost made the biggest mistake in my life by walking away from my marriage. You guys are truly the best!


----------



## 2asdf2

Congratulations!

It's great to hear good news on this section of TAM.:smthumbup:


----------



## MattMatt

Good luck to you both.


----------



## doubletrouble

Good luck, OP. It's a lot easier road when both are completely onboard, there is mutual respect and you can believe in each other again.


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> Hello everyone. I wanted to update you on how things are going with my reconciliation with my wife. It's going well. I'm so glad I took the plunge to reconnect with her. We haven't been this happy in years, and we really want to turn the page and enjoy our marriage again. It's like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
> 
> I owe everyone my thanks for taking the time to talk some sense into me in this thread. I almost made the biggest mistake in my life by walking away from my marriage. You guys are truly the best!


While talking reconciliation, did you tell her what you told us below?



> I plan on getting back together with my wife. I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling.


----------



## imamess222

It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.

Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.

Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.


----------



## 3putt

imamess222 said:


> It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.
> 
> Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.


Seems to me you haven't learned a damned thing about properly loving, and being honest with, your wife. But hey, as long as you're content, that's all that matters. Right?

Good luck. And even better luck to our wife. She'll need it.


----------



## alte Dame

This is really too much. I love this thread. It's performance art.

(I realize that Jane is no longer your heroine, Mr. Mess, but she has become mine. The office supplies bit is brilliant - the banality of evil - more like the evil of banality....)


----------



## As'laDain

im so glad this thread started back up. i was in need of a good laugh.


----------



## BobSimmons

That Jane is such a douche for stealing office supplies..says the guy who's being dishonest with wife.


----------



## WyshIknew

imamess222 said:


> It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.
> 
> Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.


Well frankly I agree with everyone else about the veracity of this thread.

But assuming it is on the up and up, have you never thought that 'Joe's' laziness is in fact depression or some other condition? People whose spouses are having affairs almost never can give the best of themselves at work and socially, and you have contributed to his problems.

Well done.

I do hope your wife has an affair with your boss.


----------



## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well.


But of course. She doesn't know that her husband thinks he will fall off the wagon from time to time, by your own admission.




> I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so.


If she asks, you damn well better. You owe it to her to be honest. If you aren't going to be honest, you have no business being married.




> Jane is out of my life completely.


Then I guess you have other women in mind when you fall off that wagon like you said you probably will.




> Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on.


Hate to sound like a broken record, but then what is all this talk of falling off the wagon?

It isn't about fog induced love. You are a cheater and by your own admission with the wagon comment, you don't need a reason. You just won't be able to help yourself to another woman if tempted.



> Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal.


Uh, but...ahem, you are dishonest as well. You are a cheater who doesn't plan on telling your wife the truth.




> It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.


Why would you jeopardize your marriage over something so stupid? You need to forget about making the OW out to be a wench(even though she is) and worry about your own behavior.




> Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.


Well because you badmouth everyone involved and still fail to see you are just as bad as those you denigrate, its obvious you haven't learned a thing.

Hopefully your wife will wake up one day and realize she needs to leave you. Maybe it will be when you fall of that wagon again like you said you would.


----------



## still.hurting

BobSimmons said:


> That Jane is such a douche for stealing office supplies..says the guy who's being dishonest with wife.


PFFFFFFT, ahhhh too funny exactly what I was thinking. Is this thread for real? 

Oh man, I'm just shaking my head n just speechless...!

BUT, wouldn't it be great to come back for next season when 'Jane meets wife...' Lol, These are the Days of our lives...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vellocet

I think we are the billy goats.


----------



## imamess222

I realize a number of people don't believe my thread. That's OK because it's cathartic for me to post. For those who are in my corner, an update.

Things are going very well. I quit the old job and obtained a better job with more pay, benefits, etc. My wife and I have been getting better this past month. She's not as depressed as she was before, and continuing to make progress. Our sex life is good. We're moving out of state soon, so it will be a new start for us. Jane is now an unpleasant thought that occasionally pops up in my mind. I'm ashamed that I cheated with her. I could have done better. Life is more than just a hot ass. What makes me happy is that we're going to start a new adventure with no worries or pain from the past to bite us. I learned from my experiences with Jane, so the situation wasn't all that bad. If nothing else, it makes life more interesting! Will follow up soon. Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.


----------



## Jimena

I think I've heard this story before... oh yea.
You never know, David and Bathsheba turned out ok. It was all rainbows and unicorns for those two. David's love never led to anything like murder or getting betrayed by his dear B. There probably won't be any real consequences for you either.


----------



## roostr

This guy should win an academy award. He is a pro at pushing the buttons. Thanks for the entertainment.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

roostr said:


> This guy should win an academy award. He is a pro at pushing the buttons. Thanks for the entertainment.


In the words of the immortal Jimmy page(Led Zepplin).

"Where's that confounded bridge!"


----------



## kitty2013

imamess222 said:


> Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.





imamess222 said:


> It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.
> 
> Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.


You slept with her. You got what you wanted. I know you try to lift yourself up, but you do not have to belittle the OW to make you look better. You want to protect yourself without consideration for anyone else and let Jane faces the aftermath alone. Some men are so cruel. You are one of them. I feel scared after reading your thread.


----------



## Headspin

imamess222 said:


> Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest


 :smthumbup: that's good that



imamess222 said:


> I realize a number of people don't believe my thread.


 :lol:
What on earth would make you think that 



imamess222 said:


> Jane is now an unpleasant thought that occasionally pops up in my mind. I'm ashamed that I cheated with her. I could have done better.


  Yep cheating 'better' is always an issue for the aspiring cheat - I must upgrade not downgrade !



imamess222 said:


> What makes me happy is that we're going to start a new adventure with no worries or pain from the past to bite us. I learned from my experiences with Jane, so the situation wasn't all that bad. If nothing else, it makes life more interesting!


 



imamess222 said:


> Will follow up soon.


Don't leave it so long next time - I always thought there was a gap in the Harry Potter sequences !



imamess222 said:


> Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.


:rofl:

Wallace and Grommit are also looking for new script writers. 

Have a crack I think you could do well


----------



## imamess222

kitty2013 said:


> You slept with her. You got what you wanted. I know you try to lift yourself up, but you do not have to belittle the OW to make you look better. You want to protect yourself without consideration for anyone else and let Jane faces the aftermath alone. Some men are so cruel. You are one of them. I feel scared after reading your thread.


I have faced the consequences of my actions. I have to live with what I did. I'm not proud of the fact that I had an affair with someone like Jane. If I had it to do over again, I would have picked someone with more class. But that's in the past and I cannot change that. But believe me, knowing how this turned out. I am suffering the consequences of my action. I have a lot of shame that I feel for myself, and that is a pretty big punishment to bear. Better to suffer in silence knowing that I picked a terrible affair partner than to unburden myself onto someone else. I'm strong enough to carry on. That's the consequence of what I did.


----------



## imamess222

I'm not sure why I am being targeted as a liar. I've poked around here and have seen plenty of over the top stories that don't get questioned. But for some reason people want to jump all over me. This is ridiculous. This site has been a good support for me and inspiration. But the repeated accusations of being a troll are a bit too much to take.


----------



## GusPolinski

imamess222 said:


> I'm not sure why I am being targeted as a liar. I've poked around here and have seen plenty of over the top stories that don't get questioned. But for some reason people want to jump all over me. This is ridiculous. This site has been a good support for me and inspiration. But the repeated accusations of being a troll are a bit too much to take.


Well, either you're a troll or you're a...

You know what, you're not worth a ban, even a temp ban.

Either way, world's smallest violin, right over here...


----------



## lenzi

TheFlood117 said:


> OP is just in the fog, he's being played. WW is looking at the next best thing. That's all. He better wise up.
> 
> And she wants the exit. She just wants OP to do all the dirty work against her hubby. She's the director, screen writer, producer and leading lady in this movie.
> 
> Just my 2 cents tho.


Totally agree.

_imamess222_ thinks he's got the upper hand, he's the one who is control of the situation, he's having an affair and his affair partner's husband who works for him, is completely in the dark as is his wife.

No way. If you read between the lines, it's obvious that his wife is cheating on him and that's why she hasn't given him much sex lately. He's been neglected, unconsciously he probably KNOWS he's been betrayed but he can't accept it so he goes and has his own little affair. The thing is, it's completely out of his hands and he's so out of touch with himself he thinks he's holding all the cards. 

I'm just waiting for the bomb to fall on _imamess222_ when his wife says she's leaving because she found someone else.


----------



## pidge70

> I picked a terrible affair partner


*Any* affair partner would have been bad, you shouldn't have had one at all.


----------



## Gabriel

imamess222 said:


> I realize a number of people don't believe my thread. That's OK because it's cathartic for me to post. For those who are in my corner, an update.
> 
> Things are going very well. I quit the old job and obtained a better job with more pay, benefits, etc. My wife and I have been getting better this past month. She's not as depressed as she was before, and continuing to make progress. Our sex life is good. We're moving out of state soon, so it will be a new start for us. Jane is now an unpleasant thought that occasionally pops up in my mind. I'm ashamed that I cheated with her. *I could have done better. ** Life is more than just a hot ass.* What makes me happy is that we're going to start a new adventure with no worries or pain from the past to bite us. I learned from my experiences with Jane, so the situation wasn't all that bad. *If nothing else, it makes life more interesting!* Will follow up soon. *Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.*


This highlighted parts are absolutely hilarious.

Maybe the OP can get a classy, hotter ass next time, so he won't be so ashamed of who he picked to cheat on his depressed, let-down of a wife.

Classic.


----------



## imamess222

Gabriel said:


> This highlighted parts are absolutely hilarious.
> 
> Maybe the OP can get a classy, hotter ass next time, so he won't be so ashamed of who he picked to cheat on his depressed, let-down of a wife.
> 
> Classic.


When you put it that way, it makes me look bad. Maybe I'm looking at my situation with a biased view to minimize my share of the blame in this. But the way you present it is not realistic. I think it's a shared failure on both my wife and my parts. But we're doing better and it looks like the marriage will be the strongest it's ever been.

Regarding my wife and her possible cheating. I know she isn't. I check the phone bills regularly plus review the computer usage. Also, she doesn't have any unaccounted time. Besides, early on in the marriage we talked about cheating. I told her that cheating is an automatic deal breaker, and that if she ever did that I'd divorce her. I'm not going to allow her to cheat on me and get away with it.


----------



## verpin zal

imamess222 said:


> When you put it that way, it makes me look bad. Maybe I'm looking at my situation with a biased view to minimize my share of the blame in this. But the way you present it is not realistic. I think it's a shared failure on both my wife and my parts. But we're doing better and it looks like the marriage will be the strongest it's ever been.
> 
> Regarding my wife and her possible cheating. I know she isn't. I check the phone bills regularly plus review the computer usage. Also, she doesn't have any unaccounted time. Besides, early on in the marriage we talked about cheating. I told her that cheating is an automatic deal breaker, and that if she ever did that I'd divorce her. * I'm not going to allow her to cheat on me and get away with it.*


Ok.


----------



## imamess222

I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook. I have no interest in her. However, my wife saw that this woman reached out. I told her that the old flame was just that - an old flame that is no longer in my life. She's concerned that I might be looking to cheat on her. Any advice on how to soothe her nerves? I know it sounds funny coming from me since I had the fling with Jane. But since my wife has no clue about that, I plan to keep it that way. Our reconnection is going so well, but I'm afraid that this dumb bell from my past will cause my wife to question things. I don't need that at the moment. I worked too hard to salvage this marriage. So, what can I do to sooth her concerns?


----------



## lenzi

imamess222 said:


> Regarding my wife and her possible cheating. I know she isn't. I check the phone bills regularly plus review the computer usage. Also, she doesn't have any unaccounted time. Besides, early on in the marriage we talked about cheating. I told her that cheating is an automatic deal breaker, and that if she ever did that I'd divorce her. I'm not going to allow her to cheat on me and get away with it.


She's smarter than you think. She won't leave evidence on her phone or the computer. 

And yes, she has unaccounted time. While you're bopping Jane, she's with the OM. And laughing about it because she knows that you have no clue and you think you're pulling one over on her.

As far as your dealbreakers go, she doesn't care. 

You're being played like a fiddle, and you'll be the last one to figure it out.



imamess222 said:


> I told her that the old flame was just that - an old flame that is no longer in my life. She's concerned that I might be looking to cheat on her. Any advice on how to soothe her nerves?


Tell her wife that you'll only fool around with the other woman if she agrees to a 3some. That way it's not cheating.


----------



## lenzi

As'laDain said:


> everytime people start to post that they are losing interest because this looks like a troll thread, there is suddenly a new developement


Looks like we have a new development!



imamess222 said:


> I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook.


I'm betting that the next new development is that Jane will be pregnant with his child. He plans to raise the child as his own and run back and forth between both families without his wife having any idea of his secret second life because he doesn't want her to find out about the cheating because he doesn't want to hurt her. 

Any takers?

I find this thread to be entertaining. Who needs Stephen King when you've got this stuff to read?


----------



## sinnister

It's not that creative yet.

I'm waiting to hear that his wife is pregnant with an NHL players baby and that he's agreed to raise it as his own.

Or his wife's sister is now pregnant with his baby.

Somebody has to be pregnant with somebodies baby........


----------



## doubletrouble

OP, delete your facebook account.


----------



## SF-FAN

imamess222 said:


> I expected some harsh reactions. Believe me, I've called myself worse. Regarding the shift changes, it wasn't like I threw his schedule out of whack and made his life difficult. What I presented to him was the opportunity to get some overtime and he accepted. I'm going to start calling her 'Jane' to make it simpler when I respond. It's not her real name. I'll use the name 'Joe' for her husband and again it's not his real name. On 2 occasions, I told Jane that I could get Joe some overtime for an evening. I presented the opportunities a couple of days in advance, he talked it over with Jane, and she encouraged him to take the additional work. I know this looks bad, but some good did come out of this. They need the money. I don't like talking bad about other people, but Joe is terrible with money. He's also lazy and doesn't apply himself like he should. He could be making more money and taking care of his family plus budgeting their money a lot better. Instead he spends their money on things for his "hobby".
> 
> A few of you mentioned that there are 4 billion other women out there, so why Jane? Because I love her and she loves me. We've talked about being together and getting married. I'm going to get divorced soon, and I swore to myself that I would not get married ever again. Jane changed that for me. She's not happy with her marriage. I think it's immoral to speak badly about Joe because I don't like to gossip, but I cannot tell you about my situation without explaining what's going on. Joe and Jane got married because she became pregnant. It was a shotgun wedding and she had lukewarm feelings for Joe at best. They lost the baby, so there are no kids involved. She works at the same place as we do but not in our department. She works in the admin building. Joe says he worships the ground Jane walks on and will do anything for her. But how can that be true if he's always on his computer and playing games? Jane told me that Joe would come home from work, go straight to the basement and play computer games with his friends for hours and hours. A good woman as smart and attractive as Jane deserves better than that.


This response may be a little late but just wanted to give you a little insight into what a cheating wife will say about her husband. My WW was telling her family that I was a tyrant, mean, abusive, harsh husband and her life was miserable. That I abused her and the kids. She even asked her sister to open up a bank account in her name so she could stash money away and keep it from me!! Guess how much of what she was saying was true? ZERO!! If anything is wrong with me, is that I gave her and the kids everything they wanted and was too passive. So God knows what she is/was telling the POSOM. Luckily for me, her family knows she is a pathological liar and knows I am a nice (not perfect) but good person, husband and father. 

She is telling you Joe is a bad husband to justify her actions. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW JOE REALLY IS AT HOME.


----------



## Miss Taken

Pretty surprised that people are still entertaining this thread.


----------



## doubletrouble

Miss Taken said:


> Pretty surprised that people are still entertaining this thread.


Masochism and morbid curiosity?


----------



## imamess222

doubletrouble said:


> OP, delete your facebook account.


I forgot about blocking people, so I've elected to do that.


----------



## imamess222

SF-FAN said:


> This response may be a little late but just wanted to give you a little insight into what a cheating wife will say about her husband. My WW was telling her family that I was a tyrant, mean, abusive, harsh husband and her life was miserable. That I abused her and the kids. She even asked her sister to open up a bank account in her name so she could stash money away and keep it from me!! Guess how much of what she was saying was true? ZERO!! If anything is wrong with me, is that I gave her and the kids everything they wanted and was too passive. So God knows what she is/was telling the POSOM. Luckily for me, her family knows she is a pathological liar and knows I am a nice (not perfect) but good person, husband and father.
> 
> She is telling you Joe is a bad husband to justify her actions. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW JOE REALLY IS AT HOME.


I feel badly for you that your wife dragged you through the ringer, but I know Joe and if there was any exaggeration by Jane it wasn't by much.


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## imamess222

sinnister said:


> It's not that creative yet.
> 
> I'm waiting to hear that his wife is pregnant with an NHL players baby and that he's agreed to raise it as his own.
> 
> Or his wife's sister is now pregnant with his baby.
> 
> Somebody has to be pregnant with somebodies baby........


This is my life we're talking about, not some Hollywood script or a novel. I'd love for all of this to have been a big lie. It would have meant that I didn't have a wife who neglected me and forced me to seek affection from another. But unfortunately for me, this is all too real. Fortunately for me, I have learned a lot from the people on this forum - TAM as I've seen it called on other threads. It's thanks to TAM that I am doing much better.


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## alte Dame

I'm glad TAM has helped you, Mr. Mess. You're a real pick-me-up in my day, too!

I'm also really pleased to hear that your W has cleaned up her act. You never know about those things. They can go either way. You've been very fortunate.


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## EI

imamess222 said:


> This is my life we're talking about, not some Hollywood script or a novel. I'd love for all of this to have been a big lie. It would have meant that I didn't have a wife who neglected me and *forced* me to seek affection from another. But unfortunately for me, this is all too real. Fortunately for me, I have learned a lot from the people on this forum - TAM as I've seen it called on other threads. It's thanks to TAM that I am doing much better.



Wouldn't it be a hoot, if while you were listening to Jane gripe about how lazy and distracted Joe was, all while you're committing adultery with Joe's wife, Jane, if you discovered that the reason that Joe was so lazy, and that your wife was neglecting you, was all because Joe and your wife were gettin' it on, too! Then, EVERYBODY would be happy! WIN-WIN. 

That could explain why Joe appeared to be so lazy!  The man was, undoubtedly, exhausted. And, your poor wife, well, something had to give, and with all of the time and attention she was giving to Joe, she was *forced* to neglect you. 

I wouldn't waste any more of my time, if I were you, feeling guilty about manipulating Joe's schedule to make it easier for you to bang his wife, I'm betting that Joe, and your wife, couldn't have been more pleased with your scheduling! 

Well, gotta run, Creative Writing 101 class is over. Time for real life, now!


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## Gabriel

imamess222 said:


> When you put it that way, it makes me look bad. Maybe I'm looking at my situation with a biased view to minimize my share of the blame in this. But the way you present it is not realistic. I think it's a shared failure on both my wife and my parts. But we're doing better and it looks like the marriage will be the strongest it's ever been.
> 
> Regarding my wife and her possible cheating. I know she isn't. I check the phone bills regularly plus review the computer usage. Also, she doesn't have any unaccounted time. Besides, early on in the marriage we talked about cheating. I told her that cheating is an automatic deal breaker, and that if she ever did that I'd divorce her. *I'm not going to allow her to cheat on me and get away with it*.


Just when I thought you couldn't make me laugh any harder.

Rich, rich, stuff here.


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## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook. I have no interest in her. However, my wife saw that this woman reached out. I told her that the old flame was just that - an old flame that is no longer in my life. She's concerned that I might be looking to cheat on her. Any advice on how to soothe her nerves? I know it sounds funny coming from me since I had the fling with Jane. But since my wife has no clue about that, I plan to keep it that way.


Until, like you said, slip here and there and cheat again.




> Our reconnection is going so well, but I'm afraid that this dumb bell from my past will cause my wife to question things.


Boy, you just have a low opinion of everyone don't you? Jane's husband, this woman, your wife since you cheated on her.

I have to say this, but you have no business badmouthing anyone else.




> I don't need that at the moment.


At the moment? While you aren't slipping?



> I worked too hard to salvage this marriage. So, what can I do to sooth her concerns?


What you already said you would do in another post, block the OP on FB. But I wonder if your wife already senses that you aren't really trustworthy. She may be smarter than you think.


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## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.


Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

So basically you are going to keep her in the dark about your true nature and make her think that this is all her problem? 

Just when I think the mental abuse of your wife by you can't get any worse. 



imamess222 said:


> I have faced the consequences of my actions.


Not even close bud. Facing the consequences of your actions would entail your wife holding you accountable.
And since you will keep her in the dark, you haven't faced Jack Schidt.

Dude, you blame your wife saying she let you down earlier in the marriage, you cheated on her. Why don't you just do her a favor and divorce and let her move on and find a decent man? Or does she not deserve that chance?


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## nuclearnightmare

OP:

sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, but not usually. was any of this true? if so which parts?


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## WyshIknew

imamess222 said:


> I'm not proud of the fact that I had an affair with someone like Jane. If I had it to do over again, I would have picked someone with more class. But that's in the past and I cannot change that.
> Better to suffer in silence knowing that I picked a terrible affair partner than to unburden myself onto someone else.


Well it could have been worse, you could have been Jane.

Just imagine what she is feeling now having dropped her standards to have an affair with you.

Yuck, poor woman, it doesn't bear thinking about.


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## vellocet

What a saint. I mean here he is manipulating an employee's schedule so he can bang his wife, cheats on his own wife and everyone ELSE is the problem and below him.

-his wife is some sort of neglectful b!tch who let him down, hence his excuse for cheating

-Joe is some sort of lazy slob and deserves what he gets since he is working so much that he isn't at home with his wife

-and now he isn't proud that he got into an affair with someone like Jane

Sorry imamess, you don't get to take the high road with anyone involved. Your wife and Joe are innocent in all of this, Jane is a cheating POS, then there is you who is the common denominator in it all.

So you are at the bottom of the morality totem pole here. Do your wife a favor and divorce her.


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## chillymorn

narcissist.


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## imamess222

Things are still going well, but things are getting complicated. Jane threw Joe out of the house. It appears that she got tired of his ways. Joe wants to meet me for lunch somewhere to talk about how he screwed up his marriage. I should spend a little time with him to help him fix his marriage. It will be awkward since Jane is a their. But I feel like I should try to help out because I'm a good person.


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## Tess112

Troll thread. 

Highly doubt this is real. I think the OP is purposely trying to get people riled up.


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## vellocet

Yup, agreed. Troll thread.

Comes back with a story of Joe getting thrown out because the ho is tired of his crap, ya right.

And that Joe comes to OP saying he screwed up his marriage, all in the attempt to make Joe out to be the jerk imamess wants us all to believe.

I think the story in general is real, but the events that occurred since the first post are made up stories.

Mods? Time to lock it up?


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## imamess222

Sorry to break it to you, but this is all real. I admit that there is irony in Joe wanting to talk to me. However, give me some credit for being tactful and a good person. I'm thinking of sending him over to this site for help. I would never divulge my own username to him, but I know this site would be good for Joe to get some healing. Having a wife like Jane is pretty devastating. It can be traumatic to a guy to learn that his wife isn't who he thought she was. Learning that his wife would steal things is pretty hard for the guy. I no longer work at the place that Joe does. I'm glad I'm no longer there.

My wife and I continue to make progress. We've been intimate 3 times in the past 5 days. We're learning to love each other on a deeper level and to become better lovers for each other.


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## vellocet

Sorry, these goats aren't crossing your bridge.


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## lenzi

I heard they might have found 2 pieces of wreckage in the Indian Ocean, but they called off the search because it's too dark. 

It would be nice to get some closure.


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## imamess222

I know a lot of people don't believe me, but I really need your help now. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me. This isn't fair for any of us. What do I do from here?


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## GusPolinski

imamess222 said:


> However, give me some credit for being tactful and a good person.


LOL



imamess222 said:


> I know a lot of people don't believe me, but I really need your help now. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me. This isn't fair for any of us. What do I do from here?


Well, it turns out that the Karma Bus is your reward for being such a "good person".


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## doubletrouble

Tell her the truth, OP. She deserves to know what she's dealing with.


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## vellocet

imamess222 said:


> I know a lot of people don't believe me, but I really need your help now. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, *but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me.*


All the more reason to answer the questions. Because refusing to answer honestly based on the bolded is making the decision for her and doing so for your own selfish end, as if cheating on her and badmouthing everyone else involved wasn't bad enough.

Answer her questions and let the chips fall where she throws them.


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## Headspin

imamess222 said:


> I know a lot of people don't believe me, *but I really need your help now*. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me. This isn't fair for any of us. What do I do from here?


So how can we help you then !! :yay:


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## DarkHoly

What exactly are you asking for? What kind of help?


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## Thorburn

imamess222 said:


> Sorry to break it to you, but this is all real. I admit that there is irony in Joe wanting to talk to me. *However, give me some credit for being tactful and a good person*. I'm thinking of sending him over to this site for help. I would never divulge my own username to him, but I know this site would be good for Joe to get some healing. Having a wife like Jane is pretty devastating. It can be traumatic to a guy to learn that his wife isn't who he thought she was. Learning that his wife would steal things is pretty hard for the guy. I no longer work at the place that Joe does. I'm glad I'm no longer there.
> 
> My wife and I continue to make progress. We've been intimate 3 times in the past 5 days. We're learning to love each other on a deeper level and to become better lovers for each other.



Look at what you wrote in a previous post. You stating that you are "tactful and a good person", shows the moral decay of your soul. You are now stating that you are a good person. Many ancient writings to include The Code of Hammurabi (written around 1760 B.C), Jewish laws, dating back many many centuries, and all the major religious and many secular philosophers, have condemned adultery. From a moral standpoint and a historical perspective an adulterer is not a "good person".

*I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad*


It looks bad because it is bad.


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## imamess222

Hello everyone. I wanted to come back to let you guys know that you were a huge help to me. It was touch and go for a period of time last year, but this year ended up being great. The wife and I are doing well. For the most part I've been walking the straight and narrow, and the new job is going well. This is a good place to get help.


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## MattMatt

imamess222 said:


> I know a lot of people don't believe me, but I really need your help now. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me. This isn't fair for any of us. What do I do from here?


You must be honest with her. 

Because anything else will blow up in your face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha

So did your wife come clean about sleeping with Joe ? I think I read earlier that you suspected this and that although Joe had acne, Jane said he was particularly well endowed.

You also said that Jane was out of Joe's league - that she was a class act - but later you said she wasn't. Is she prettier than your wife ? And is your wife more classy ?

Seems like Joe is consistently punching well above his weight when it comes to women and also that the two of you have the same taste in women.


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## imamess222

Hello everyone! Since all of you have been a huge help to me with my marriage issues, I would like to share an update. The Mrs. and I are expecting a child very soon! I'm so excited! We weren't planning on having a family, but if fate gives one to us then who are we to judge? We've never been happier. I hope everyone who is in pain posting on these forums have the fortune of a happy ending.


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## SoulCrushed16

Is this guy for real?? Talk about narcissistic!! This is disgusting!


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## Roselyn

This guy is a troll! Wasted everyone's time!


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## G.J.

Whos the father?


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## SoulCrushed16

Maybe it's Joe's!!!


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## Decorum

If you get bored inbetween posts on TAM perhaps you could try torturing animals.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878

imamess222 said:


> No, I'm not a troll. I wish I was, because experiencing this in real life is not fun. I know you guys think that I'm the spawn of Satan. But you don't know what I'm going through. Everyone keys on how bad Joe is being screwed over in all this. But what about me. I didn't ask for this. It just happened. In some ways, it's not my fault. If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry.
> 
> If it wasn't for you guys, I'd be still traveling down this road with Jane. You guys helped me to open my eyes and see that my marriage is worth saving. I give you my thanks from the bottom of my heart.


You poor guy. Just doing your duty to help out another mans wife. >

Have you rearranged his schedule this week yet? :nerd:

Maybe you should go to HR and get them to put your heroic action in the company newsletter. Gosh maybe you could win an award from all that community service you been doing!!!!! >


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## Herschel

Zing!


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## ConanHub

Hard..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

Nearly 2 1/2-year-old thread, @SunCMars.


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## SunCMars

GusPolinski said:


> Nearly 2 1/2-year-old thread, @SunCMars.


;-}

Good eye.

I must have fallen down that rabbit hole again. 

I'm late, I'm late.

My eyes are tired and abused.

And so is the braincase.


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## always_hopefull

GusPolinski said:


> Nearly 2 1/2-year-old thread, @*SunCMars*.


The OP actually came back early this month to tell us he is still with his wife and expecting a baby.


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## GusPolinski

always_hopefull said:


> The OP actually came back early this month to tell us he is still with his wife and expecting a baby.


Saw that, but @SunCMars replied to the initial post.


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## always_hopefull

GusPolinski said:


> Saw that, but @*SunCMars* replied to the initial post.


my bad, sorry, i thought you may have missed that part


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## imamess222

Guys, I need your help. There is this real hot looking intern that has told me that she wants me to make love to her before she leaves for summer classes. I really want to remain committed to my wife, but let's get honest she's not looking all that sexy at the moment with her being pregnant. The girl came to work in a nice skirt and no panties! My wife hasn't done anything like that in years, and I don't expect (nor want) her to do anything like that now of all times. Intimacy is not the best at the moment, and a lot of it has to do with me because I don't find her very appealing in her current state. I've been trying to picture older women naked, to lower my libido but it's not working all that well. HELP!!!


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