# This is tearing me apart



## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

I know my father supports my husband, and I now know that my older sister supports him as well. My husband has tried to win over my little sister to no avail. He's tried to invite her over (family lives in PA, we live in OH) and to be friends with her, and she just won't buy into it.

However my father and my older sister have succumbed to his charm and are now friends with him, I suppose. Even after my husband threatened to kill me and left handprint bruises on my thighs (causing me to now reside in a battered women's shelter), they won't hear me. My husband's tactic has worked rather well on them.

My father just text me and told me that they will be coming into town this weekend to visit with my husband. My older sister and my niece are coming to visit with him too. My father wants to meet me for brunch on Sunday.

No, my father is not coming to visit me. He is coming to visit my husband. He's not coming to visit me as the primary reason to take the trip. I'm the side activity. Just something to do when he's not buddying around with the man who put his daughter in the battered women's shelter.

I'm devistated.

I told him I couldn't interact with anyone who is coming into physical contact with my abuser. I don't know if this is legally true, but this is how I feel to keep myself safe. I told him it tears me up inside to know he is speaking to my husband like old buddies would, and I literally could not meet him for safety's sake.

In my own mind I know I could not take it emotionally. The betrayal is bad enough when its just a state away, but coming face to face with it is too much.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

What a horrible mess you are in. I'm sorry that you are in that situation. Hopefully your father will come to his senses and choose you over you husband. 

I wish I had some advice or something that would fix things, or make things better for you. All I can offer is that you did the right thing in leaving and protecting yourself. You need to focus on getting back on your feet on your own. Doing so will make you a stronger person. And it will happen. You don't come across as one that sits there and tolerates a bad situation for very long. You've already realized that you can change things. Keep making the good decisions, regardless of what others do. We can't control what others do. We can only influence at best.

Make a plan, and take one day at a time to work on it. I have faith in you.


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## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

He may be thinking that he can do what he wants, and I'll still be there regardless.

He's wrong. My husband thought the same thing. He literally told me "I thought you would never leave" when I DID leave after he cheated on me the second time. He basically meant "I thought I could p*ss all over you and you'd just stick around for more"

After I told my father that I wouldn't be able to associate with him if he chose to visit my husband, he text me back saying "I'm sorry if this inconveniences you". Which, in my head, means "I can p*ss all over you and its alright, because we are family and you'll stick around for more"

UGH!!!!!!

Forget about it. He may be my father, but like him, I have a choice in who I visit and who I speak to. I won't be around for him to p*ss on anymore. He knows how this will hurt and effect me, and he will still do it. I don't need to surround myself with these sorts of people. I'm done with it. I deserve to be treated better by people who love me, not these jokers.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Good for you! You do have choices. You've already made the tough decisions (in my opinion). Lord help anyone who gets in your way now! 

I'm proud of you!


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