# This is long but i have no clue anymore



## RokChik88 (Jul 24, 2014)

Hello. I guess I should give a bit of background of my marriage so maybe someone can give me a bias opinion. I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years. We were childhood sweethearts, when I was 18 we decided to date and 2 weeks later were married. He was in the military so he lived on base and had a reputation of sleeping with anything that walked. I was supposedly the one that changed that.
When we moved back to PA we both went to college and thought things were great. I ended up having to quit school and a very good job when I gave birth to our now 4 year old. I stayed at home while he still went to nursing school. When he was just about done I found out I was pregnant again. So while I raised one and dealt with the home he was talking to girls on the internet and also always hanging out with girls he was in school with. (Being in his field I knew it was a predominantly female so I cant really complain).
One night he started sending naked pictures and having phone sex with girls he had met online I flipped. He said it was because I didn't pay attention to him.... I was 6 months pregnant and chasing a 2 year old all day so that was no excuse! After realizing he was in the doghouse he apologized.

Things got better until he started working. He began talking more to his coworkers telling them about our marriage and problems. Then around 3 months ago one coworkers seemed to become his best friend. They texted constantly, he was protective of his phone, and talked more to her than me. He told me her marriage was failing so he was just being a nice person, I decide to try and not get upset and invited her over to try to make friends and then it showed. They had chemistry, she hung on his every word. When i would talk she would give me looks like I was the devil. She invited him out to bars constantly and was going to their work to see him on her days off. I didn't feel comfortable so I looked at the phone records and seen they had texted 700 times in a month, talked on the phone for hours, and that they were sending snapchat pictures. Hers were usually that stupid kissy face and had a view down her shirt. I told him i felt it was inappropriate and he got defensive. Finally he said he talked to her and she admitted she was trying to sleep with him. Her marriage was bad and she felt he paid attention to her and she liked that so maybe they could be together. I am not sure if anything physical happened but an emotional affair was a defiant.
Then the straw that broke the camels back hit yesterday. He came in our bedroom around 5 and woke me up telling me he loved me. Then proceeded to get ready for work which he didn't have to be at until 7. I was so groggy I didn't put 2 and 2 together. He said he hadn't been to sleep that night because he was up cleaning and thinking (the house was still a mess) I went back to sleep then an hour and a half later he called telling me he still was on his way to work and that his Facebook was hacked. He said he sent me a picture of himself and someone hacked it and was sending it to people. I was a bit suspicious he left for work and should have been there already plus why was he taking naked pictures while driving. I said i would take care of it thinking it was a website that hacked or something. i went on to change his password and then i found it. He had stayed up all night talking to a girl he met on a porn site and had made plans to meet up and have sex before work! He spent over 100 dollars on my credit cards on her webcam site, attempted to western union her money and sent naked pictures of himself. The same picture he sent me. She gave him an address which is 2 streets away from us so stupid him thought she was real and he went there thinking he was going to get lucky. Finally he realized she was scamming him and told him that she was going to blackmail him by sending his pictures around, tell people he tried to rape her ect unless he paid her $1000. It was a mess

Regardless of his stupidity , he thought she was real the point is he was planning on having sex with another girl, he has talked to others, and has had plenty of opportunity to sleep around. He is distant and uninterested in my life or our kids. After yesterdays fiasco I told him to leave. He is staying with friends and I am only allowing him to come home and visit with our boys then he has to leave. I have contacted the marriage councilor but I don't know if that will help. I know a lot of people watch porn, its going to happen but to go ahead and take it to his level and lie what else is he doing. Was I too harsh to ask him to leave. I love my husband, i miss him even as i'm typing this but I hate being his doormat. I do everything; the bills, the housework, take care of the kids and animals, and he just comes home and talks to others and plays. I am trying to get a job but daycare is too expensive and I am also in online college to get a good job once my kids go to school. Am I wrong to feel like this? Is a separation a good step?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry that you are going through this. You did the right thing in kicking him out. I rather doubt this is the first time that he's cheated. It's the first time that you caught him.

You need to get an STD test immediately. If he's been sleeping around he's putting your health at risk. And even worse, if he's been making sex appointments with prostitutes online... you are at extreme risk.

Go see a lawyer to find out your rights. You might not be ready to hear this, but you need to file for divorce so that you have income to support yourself and your children.

Have you told anyone in your life? Is there a friend or family member how you feel safe having as a support system?

Is he asking to come home? What's he saying to you?


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## RokChik88 (Jul 24, 2014)

Thanks. I have been to the doctors recently and so far so good on STD's. I just had back surgery in May so I have put on some weight and found out yesterday that I have a fertility disorder so no more babies for me. Which had me down since I wanted to try once more in the future for a little girl. I told him this and he showed no emotion. He is a very comical person but when it comes to me he has no filter.
He asked to see our son's and they ofcourse have been asking where daddy is. Since he is a nurse he does work nights so i told them he was working. Today I asked him to come over to play with the boys so I could get a shower and go grocery shopping. He came over and wanted to talk telling me what a mistake it was and that I was scaring him. I have told him I would leave him before but never have I actually left until yesterday. I packed our boys and took them to my mothers first but then I came back and kicked him out saying it wasnt fair to take ours sons away from their home.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Too bad that he's scared. He should have thought about that before all this cheating he's been doing. 

You are right that he's the one who has to leave.

But be warned that you cannot legally kick him out of the home. It's his legal residence. He has as much right to be there as you do. So have a plan for what you will do if he comes back and announces that he's staying.

Do you know what you want to do? Divorce? reconcile?


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Everything EleGirl is saying is on the money.

Also, make sure your friends and family know the truth as to why he was kicked out. If there is one thing you learn quickly around this forum, it is that cheaters are - by nature - liars. It may feel awkward or like you are airing dirty laundry but trust us, it will be better in the long run.

Filing for divorce does not mean you have to follow through (time to divorce from filing varies by state, so again, check with lawyer) but it lets him know you are not messing around with your life. 

If - and that is a big "if" - he gets his act in gear, you can allow him another chance. But he has a long way to go. If you even think about reconciling with him, check this thread for some more info.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you done a very complete search of the computer to see what else he's been up to? Do you know how to do this? Or could you hire someone to do the search?

you really need to more info, the way this things exploded in one day you did not get a chance to do some spy work.


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## RokChik88 (Jul 24, 2014)

To answer the question regarding a support system. I have my mother who I dont like to take marrital advice from since she is on her 3rd marriage lol And my father who is a 46 year old bachlor living with the 10 cats i left him with when i moved out as a teen. haha They are both pretty upset. As for my husband he hasnt told anyone but our friends he is staying with. I told him to stay with his parents since our friends are new parents but he said that he doesn't want to stress his already crazy mother out. 
If a divorce would happen it would be my mother in law pulling my husbands puppet strings because she is a psycho! I have friends but they all have their own babies and lives. I feel like I gave my life up for him. And yes I'm happy I scared him it's about time he acts like the 27 year old man he is and not the little boy his mother still treats him like.

Also I watch his phone. He uses it and not the home computer.


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