# What a stereotype



## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

Hello everyone. First off thanks for reading and hopefully advising. 
Just a little about myself, I'm 28 and travel quite a lot for my job. 
Just over 3 months ago I got married to someone in probably the worst way possible. A kind of drunken long weekend that got out of hand. Can I just say that I don't go out all that often mostly due to work commitments and I'm not the kind of person that usually gets in a drunken state.

With that said drinking that weekend clearly made me make some extremely questionable decisions. I met a girl the first night and we got on really well, so continued kind of seeing each other for the remaining time I was in the area. On the second to last night I was there, we both decided, in our alcohol fueled minds to get married.... So we did. She chose a wedding band and everything. And we went ahead with it, just the two of us and 2 strangers for witnesses. 

I hate how much of a stupid stereotype this is by the way. I wasn't so drunk that I can't remember what happened, I was aware of what was going on, yet when I woke up the next day I was mortified at what I had done. I had to leave soon after and we've been having what I guess you would call a long distance relationship these past few months. Work hasn't taken me back to her city yet, so she has came to see me twice in the time period. 

Needless to say I'm just completely overwhelmed with this. Please help


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

So, do you want to be married or not? If it were me I would've gotten an annulment.


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

JustTired said:


> So, do you want to be married or not? If it were me I would've gotten an annulment.


I don't really know, I do really like her. But it's embarrsing how we got married.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well you're in a sh!t or get off the pot situation 

Marriage won't work via long distance


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well you're in a sh!t or get off the pot situation
> 
> Marriage won't work via long distance


:iagree:

I would educate yourself on the divorce laws/annulment laws in both your state & hers. Hell, I would go see a divorce lawyer for a consultation as well. In the meantime, protect your finances & any properties you own.


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> well you're in a sh!t or get off the pot situation
> 
> Marriage won't work via long distance


True. She's 1000s of miles away, but seems keen to give things ago.


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## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

787FO said:


> I don't really know, I do really like her. But it's embarrsing how we got married.


You could always get an annulment or divorce. But continue the long distance relationship and see where it takes you. You might end up falling in love with her and can get married in a more traditional manner. Then you would have a hell of a story to tell the grandkids.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i did a dumb thing like you once upon a time. I met a girl and we got along great for several days. then she told me she had to leave for arkansas in a week to go live with her dysfunctional family (red flag).

i thought to myself; "wait a minute, we're just getting to know each other and you have to leave?" she was really pretty and just what i liked, i thought. so i invited her to stay with me for a while.

it turned out to be a 3 year disaster.

I had no excuse to alcohol like you did.


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

michelle13 said:


> You could always get an annulment or divorce. But continue the long distance relationship and see where it takes you. You might end up falling in love with her and can get married in a more traditional manner. Then you would have a hell of a story to tell the grandkids.


I guess that's kind of where I am at the minute, seeing how it goes.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I think this is great! LOL! Don't worry about labels and such. If you are willing to give it a go, why not? People in other countries have arranged marriages where they don't know the individual all the time. 

Having said that, might not be a bad idea to lawyer up about finances and stuff, just in case.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

post-nup......real quick -just to be safe. 

Other than that....Are you kidding me????You met a woman and felt a connection (even alcohol fueled) so strong that you wanted to marry her immediately ....You do know that kind of connection is fairly rare right? right?

That is not a bad story, not in and of itself. It's an awesome story that can have a beautiful ending or a horror show ending. The ending will be directly related to what you are willing to put into the story. I say go for it. 

I met my wife in another country (both of us from U.S.), I wanted to marry her the moment I saw her with a friend of mine (as his date)...It took me about a month to get him out of the way...than another month to get to know her and propose...then 18 months to complete the paperwork and actually be married. Point is...I knew, deep in my bones, the first minute, first second. That was 26 years ago..Still married. She's kind, thoughtful, smokin hot, drives me batsh*t crazy 50% of the time but I love her with all that I am. 

She could be the ultimate one for you...hell, your already married...before you go getting an annulment, figure out what you've got there. 

Just one dudes opinion.


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

Thanks for replies. I guess I'm here because my head is all over the place. Just seems so weird that I have a wife now, and the whole way it came about. I don't know what the future holds.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

787FO said:


> True. She's 1000s of miles away, but seems keen to give things ago.


So she's also from another country? Why didn't you state that in your OP? How could that even be legal?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

MachoMcCoy said:


> So she's also from another country? Why didn't you state that in your OP? How could that even be legal?



MIami to Seattle is over 3000 miles (and let's not forget that HI and AK are in the US as well), so thousands of miles of distance is very possible in the US


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

This is why I like being hesitant. By the time I've decided to ask for a phone number they've usually bùggered off.

Deed is done. If you like her and she seems keen, hang in there and see what happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> So she's also from another country? Why didn't you state that in your OP? How could that even be legal?


I know, I had no idea that it was legal, but it is. Crazy. I'm British/Irish. She is American


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> This is why I like being hesitant. By the time I've decided to ask for a phone number they've usually bùggered off.
> 
> Deed is done. If you like her and she seems keen, hang in there and see what happens.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah , being hesitant is certainly not always a bad thing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You could seriously start dating her. You actually need to. Aside from the ring maybe take it slowly, it is a very new relationship, and see if it blossoms.

It could be a train wreck but it could also work.

You two need to really get to know each other. Find out about your histories and families.

You need to find out what each one of you wants in life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Green Eyes (Nov 20, 2014)

You may have married the love of your life and can look forward to a happy marriage, or you may have married your worst nightmare. 

Speak to an attorney and find out the best way to protect yourself whether it's with an annulment or post-nuptial. Have a heart-to-heart with her and try dating her and getting to know her. Under the circumstances if she has a problem with an annulment, or whatever is advised, you know the sort of person you're dealing with. If she's understanding then you may just have a keeper.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

787FO said:


> I don't really know, I do really like her. But it's embarrsing how we got married.


If the two of you end up together for a life-time, the way you got married is a great story. 

If you two end up divorce/annulled here soon.. yea it's a bit embarrassing.

You might want to stop drinking all together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

787FO said:


> Thanks for replies. I guess I'm here because my head is all over the place. Just seems so weird that I have a wife now, and the whole way it came about. I don't know what the future holds.


Have you talked to her about the way you feel?


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Have you talked to her about the way you feel?


We've talked quite a bit, similarly to me she feels a bit embarrassed about how we got married. But she says she feels really happy. And I guess I do too, I look forward to seeing her and miss her. But is that enough?


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

It can be enough if that's what both of you want. Long distance relationships are TOUGH. I recommend figuring out how to get together as soon as possible. Leave yourselves and "out" (i.e. don't either of you sell it all and move blindly to another country.) But perhaps and extended vacation? If one or the other of your jobs is willing to give you an extended leave without pay is an option....


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> MIami to Seattle is over 3000 miles (and let's not forget that HI and AK are in the US as well), so thousands of miles of distance is very possible in the US


Not too many Americans say they are "keen" on something.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

787FO said:


> I know, I had no idea that it was legal, but it is. Crazy. I'm British/Irish. She is American


HA!! In your face AR and JT!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

all I said is that it was possible to be in the US and thousands of miles apart so don't be so keen to throw it in my face


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> It can be enough if that's what both of you want. Long distance relationships are TOUGH. I recommend figuring out how to get together as soon as possible. Leave yourselves and "out" (i.e. don't either of you sell it all and move blindly to another country.) But perhaps and extended vacation? If one or the other of your jobs is willing to give you an extended leave without pay is an option....


That is something we will be talking about. I think she could come stay for 3 months then have to go back, while we sort out immigration issues etc. she's been looking into it from her end.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

When you speak on the phone, every communication you have, seek to learn where you are compatible *and where you are not*...so these can be talked through.. so you know what you have to work with... the heads up...* TIME is of the essence here.*...she is still virtually a stranger to you... and you to her...

So if you do take the Annulment route.. you will have enough time to get it done.. knowing you are just "too different" in what you want, how you envision your future..what would drive you crazy etc. 

Each of you need to learn each others deal breakers in life, love and marriage, do you have shared dreams..do you both want kids someday....are you a high driver, is she also - not just on that given night? Are there any addictions you need to be aware of (drinking?) ...is she on any meds for anything? ...I am dead serious.. these things can come back to haunt...

How do you & she look at money / spending...Expectations.... how do you deal with CONFLICT is also HUGE... this can make or break a couple....do you share beliefs, world views....is she is city person and you a country Guy... could also be a contention... so many areas !... 

I am one who feels Sexual attraction and chemistry is very big.... it trips our triggers... (love at 1st site & all that).... but if the compatibility is way off.. it's going to be an awful uphill struggle in many many ways..and most won't survive in happiness...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> all I said is that it was possible to be in the US and thousands of miles apart so don't be so keen to throw it in my face


But I was right.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

That is hilarious. If this relationship works out, that would be the best story ever. If not, then what the hel were you thinking? 

You either just get to know eachother and see where your relationship takes you and remain married. Or, you can just basically get an annulement and continue dating if you wanted the traditional proposal and wedding? Or, you can stay married and have a traditional wedding when the time is right. But now, focus on getting to know her. Good luck!


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

MysticTeenager said:


> That is hilarious. If this relationship works out, that would be the best story ever. If not, then what the hel were you thinking?


That's true of any marriage.



787FO said:


> We've talked quite a bit, similarly to me she feels a bit embarrassed about how we got married. But she says she feels really happy. And I guess I do too, I look forward to seeing her and miss her. But is that enough?


It's enough when you're dating, but not enough for a lifetime commitment.

If you BOTH feel a bit embarrassed. And you BOTH feel that you've been rash. And you BOTH think that marriage is really important and shouldn't be entered into in a frivolous way...

Why not get an annulment and keep dating? Starting a marriage thousands of miles apartn't ideal. You shouldn't just stick it out because you signed a piece of paper. Start afresh with each other and if it was really meant to be, you'll both make it happen.


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

787FO said:


> I know, I had no idea that it was legal, but it is. Crazy. I'm British/Irish. She is American


Why would it not be legal?? It has nothing to do with status adjustment or general residence status - someone being legally vs illegally here.

You obviously qualified for a license and got married! I think an annulment is possible if you were super intoxicated.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You are far too worried about what others think. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Now if you and/or she feel you made a mistake, that is another matter. But don't worry about what others will think when they find out the circumstances of your marriage.

You probably are well aware of the unusual strains your job puts on marriages. There is only one antidote which is to prioritize maximum time at home when you bid for seat, domicile, and schedule. Even then there are plenty of pitfalls.

Find a way to spend months together with this lady. Take a leave of absence or bid a new domicile where she can also live.

I wouldn't junk the marriage yet. But do be sure to protect yourself legally and financially. Don't get her pregnant! Be sure you understand what claims she may have against your wages and pension now and after X years of marriage.

Half of all traditionally started marriages end in divorce. So your unusual beginning is nothing to be ashamed of! Have fun and give it a go. If it fails, part as friends who have a great and crazy story to tell.


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## 787FO (Nov 19, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> That is hilarious. If this relationship works out, that would be the best story ever. If not, then what the hel were you thinking?
> 
> You either just get to know eachother and see where your relationship takes you and remain married. Or, you can just basically get an annulement and continue dating if you wanted the traditional proposal and wedding? Or, you can stay married and have a traditional wedding when the time is right. But now, focus on getting to know her. Good luck!


I don't know. She says she wants to stay married. And I've thought about it a lot recently. And I kind of want to as well. I can't explain it


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Alcohol makes people do things they wouldn't normally consider when sober. It certainly lowered your inhibitions, didn't it?

Sorry, but when someone is drinking to the point where they make a major life decision like marriage, I question their capacity to handle alcohol.

Okay. Many of us got drunk at a college frat party. We did stupid things. But this is way beyond that.

I completely agree with EleGirl on this. Granted, you are embarrassed, but I think you need to take a very serious look at your drinking. 

At this time, you now have a wife. A long-distance wife. And you are embarrassed at the way this marriage came about.

Sounds like there is some sort of drinking problem here. No, I'm not saying alcoholism. But there IS a problem.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

I'd recommend you next get engaged, then start dating. 

Ever heard of the strange case of Benjamin Buttons?


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