# That punched feeling



## Fenella (Jan 27, 2010)

How do you stop feeling like the breath is knocked out of you when you hear yet another fact about the PA?? Found out today that DH and OW would go bike riding together - this after he initially said they never did anything together other than meet at her house!

I don't know if it makes it worse but it sure feels like it to me, as if he has created all these memories with her and I don't know how to claw my way through them.

Does it make it easier to know the whole truth or not?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I had to know everything. I wanted every detail out in the open over the course of a few days.
Then there is no more bad news, no unknowns.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Fen, it sucks knowing. Nothing can take that pain away. In my situation, I asked for ALL the details. I just felt I HAD to know. Boy do I regret that. I also cheated. But spared him the details. Now I am left with him telling me how she gave him a BJ and how she was so "crazy" and "all over" him. Two wrongs don't make a right, I definitely know that but man I wish I could tell you it gets better but when you learn newer stuff, it gets filed in your brain.

I hope you guys can work past it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why do you want to know everything? If I found out, all I'd do is buy new luggage for all her stuff.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wish I had never asked. Really.


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## Fenella (Jan 27, 2010)

So if you don't know how do you move on? I worry that everything will do or places we go will be something that they did together. Do I just put these thoughts to one side?

I agree that I do feel left out - especially since I thought he was the person I would share everything with.

My whole perception of him has changed and I honestly don't know what I think of the person I now see. Part of me still loves him so much (stupidly maybe) but part of me is so disgusted in him, and those two parts are having a massive tug-of-war to see who will win.

We have a child and he is picking up on all the drama, which to me makes it so much worse.

I feel like I am stuck in a whirlpool and just cant get out.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

my wife had an EA with pics and such over the web... no PA.

But our therapist had us each write a letter of disclosure. The point wa to reveal every detail, no matter how painful. And anythingleft out, could never be brought up by either of us. As the LS, i was to write how the EA made me feel in every way. If i wanted to call her a ****bag, this was the time, and i did.. several times. Called her a bad mother, satans ho... got it all out. She told me stuff that would make a online porn star blush.. 

The point is this.. After that, we didnt have to worry about new stuff coming up. She knew how i felt, she knew exaclt how bad i thought it was and I knew exactly what she did. IF i forgot to tell her that something, then i couldnt say it. If she forgot to tell me something, she couldnt reveal it. That is the deal. You cant trust it, but you have to accept it. 

This was a cleansing process. Everything on the table. I always advise it to anyone who asks this question. 

Write the letters, read them to each other, preferably in front of someoen whom you are both accountable to, like a therapist, pastor or soemthing. 

Thats my 2 bits.


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