# Anniversary Date



## confusednAlone

Hello everyone, I posted a very long story about my current situation so for a quick background. Married 14 years, 3 kids, wife cheated, said she fell out of love, no remorse/regret and now we are steps away from divorce.


I have a question for everyone that reads this. How do you cope with the anniversary date? I mean I know it is no longer that but I spent a significant amount of my life loving and caring for this woman and that date meant something to me. 

Although she is over me and probably already removed it from her mind. I have not since it 1 month away. Would have been our 15 years. 

I removed the calendar reminders even though I didn't need them but I didn't want the email. What should I do on that day? Or just treat at as a normal day.

I was actually thinking about just taking a short trip by myself to enjoy some time. Just curious what others have done in a similar situation. 

Who needs a signature?


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## Bananapeel

It is normal to grieve the loss of a long term relationship and markers like that are things that you'll naturally feel drawn to thinking about for the short term. But it is time to start detaching and the easiest way is to distract yourself with some other activity. It could be a trip with friends, doing a hobby, or whatever else you want. In a year or two it will be a lot easier and you won't even think about that day anymore.


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## straightshooter

The anniversary date would NOT have been pleasant even if you reconciled or were trying to. That's why it is referred to as the antiversary date .
Very few BS go out and have a grand old time on that date. 

I d suggest you read your thread and remember how cruel , uncaring, and remorseless she was , and then make a promise to yourself to find better.

I would not sit around moping . If you like sports or have a hobby do it that day and if you have any friends who know what has occurred maybe you can spend time with them.

I don't remember the details of your story but last anniversary 
She may have already been cheating on you or thinking about it so it was nothing great day anyway if that was the case .

It will get better. Count on it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusednAlone

straightshooter said:


> The anniversary date would NOT have been pleasant even if you reconciled or were trying to. That's why it is referred to as the antiversary date .
> Very few BS go out and have a grand old time on that date.
> 
> I d suggest you read your thread and remember how cruel , uncaring, and remorseless she was , and then make a promise to yourself to find better.
> 
> I would not sit around moping . If you like sports or have a hobby do it that day and if you have any friends who know what has occurred maybe you can spend time with them.
> 
> I don't remember the details of your story but last anniversary
> She may have already been cheating on you or thinking about it so it was nothing great day anyway if that was the case .
> 
> It will get better. Count on it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was given some great advice thus far and applied a lot to my situation. Unfortunately the date is so close that I can't help but bring back memories.

You're right about the cruelty though and that too hasn't stopped. Hell just recently I made the mistake of snooping again although I swore I wouldnt and of course I found right there in the open intials of om on her phone as frequently contacted. 

To top it off, she changed my contact from Husband to kids dad. I knew this was coming but it made me cringe a little. The thing that bothered me most, which again I should know better is I know the om name and these initials were not his and a different number too. 

That made my head spin. Not only did she do what she did but could she possibly be seeing another guy on top of om? I mean damn! I know she still with the om because they work together and from what I already knew he wasnt going anywhere. He's happy he caught his trophy and she was in love. 

Just goes to show. Let go and never look back. I will rethink this date moving forward and just put it behind me. I vowed to never again snoop. I'm not putting myself through more pain. 

I was just curious how people handled the date after divorce! 

I forgot to add she actually asked me if I still wanted to go out to dinner that night. Annivesary night. I'm like wth....no way. She said yeah I guess you're right. 

Who needs a signature?


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## phitigirl

confusednAlone said:


> I forgot to add she actually asked me if I still wanted to go out to dinner that night. Annivesary night. I'm like wth....no way. She said yeah I guess you're right.


Wow! That's some audacity! I like your idea of taking a trip, just make sure to make it one with a lot of activity so you keep your mind off of the date. Good luck!


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## Sammy64

here's something bad, i use to forget our anniversary even when i was still married, and others like her birthdays too.. i use to blame it on old age, but i think it was i just did not care. Now when the day comes, again i don't even remember it until someone says something.. the birthdays are different now, as we have a child together and i need to cover the birthdays gifts for her for her mother. 

Sorry you are going through this, i do believe it does get better... STOP SNOOPING, would be the first thing you should do, then only talk about the kids...


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## Ynot

The first couple can be bad. Mainly because you have not processed the loss yet. As you do so and move away from it, the affect on you will become much less severe. Initially you are still feeling the pain of the loss, an anniversary will only make it worse. But as the pain subsides and is replaced with understanding and acceptance, the day will become less important. You may still remember it as a special day at some past time in your life, but it will not consume your every thought. In the mean time, find something to occupy that time so that you do not dwell on it. You might be tempted to fall into the sink hole of despair if you don't.


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## Openminded

I divorced after 45.5 years of marriage. The first anniversary was six short months after that and it was not easy although I did do something fun that day and that helped. The second anniversary was easier and by the time the third one rolled around, it was basically just another day. 

Time helps -- but the first one can be tough. Do something you really want to do (that doesn't involve her in any way).


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## FeministInPink

Make plans with friends--fun plans with people who know how to have fun, and make sure they know it is their job to keep your mind off it as much as possible.

And don't get drunk. That will turn out bad.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Wolf1974

I admit I didn't handle the first one after divorce well. Wallowed in self pity I got drunk and went home with a 21 year old waitress at the bar. Trust me when I say don't follow the path I took.

This is literally something that will get better with time. I am almost 6 years out from d day and the last two years her birthday and our anniversary has come and gone on the calendar and not even noticed by me. 

Just work on getting yourself togeher, get a plan,and execute. Years from now you will look back and not even remember how much this hurt.


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## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> I admit I didn't handle the first one after divorce well. Wallowed in self pity I got drunk and went home with a 21 year old waitress at the bar. Trust me when I say don't follow the path I took.
> 
> This is literally something that will get better with time. I am almost 6 years out from d day and the last two years her birthday and our anniversary has come and gone on the calendar and not even noticed by me.
> 
> Just work on getting yourself togeher, get a plan,and execute. Years from now you will look back and not even remember how much this hurt.


I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.

Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/


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## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.
> 
> Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/


That's strange. I know I had to get used to doing something for my birthday because my X never felt it was important so we never did anything ..but I always wanted to


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## Satya

I like the idea of a trip. If it were me, I'd go somewhere that really gets me in touch with nature, like a national park. 

Just male sure you let someone you trust know where you're going, if you go alone.

I was with my ex for 13 years. I really didn't think much of our anniversary after we separated and I still do not today. I guess it was just the way I'd processed things.

First holidays alone after separation were actually harder for me.


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## Satya

FeministInPink said:


> I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.
> 
> Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/


FIP, my hubby is like this about his bday, too. He wants it quiet so I just throw a party for us. It's on a major holiday, which is one reason he doesn't like to go out. I buy him one of those freaking huuuuuge balloons from the party store and cook his favorite food. I rent a bunch of meat head action films (he loves them and I'm kind of meh! about them... But hey, it's his bday...). Then I jump him. 

The best idea I ever had on his bday... Google mancrates. I kid you not, he turned into a happy little boy when I bought him one last year. 

I swear I can just about get him to crack a sideways smile when I do things like this. And for him, it means he loved it. 

I call BS on guys that say they don't want to do anything for their bday. That's just not allowed in my world.


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## Chuck71

First anniversary apart.... yeah... Wedding was four months later in year

from D final. The other... day we met, six months. We were together 15.5

years. Virtually 25-40 for me. I dreaded our wedding ann. I thought it would

really get to me.... didn't. Maybe bothered me 5% what I expected it to. Our

day we met ann. I honestly forgot... says a lot for me, history buff, extremely 

sharp on remembering dates. I didn't even post on my thread about the wedding ann.

I think I posted something about it on Zillard 's thread a day or two later.

If memory serves.... I grabbed a box of baseball cards, busted packs, ate at my fav

Italian bistro, and my post D gf and I went to the lake.

If you have hobbies you enjoy, do one of those that day. Be around a few male friends....

Oh.... your XW asking you to go eat on your ann. LOL Get this... after the D was final,

my new XW showed a great deal of concern for me in the courthouse parking lot. Even

asked if I wanted to go eat that afternoon. And.... wanted us to go out sometime after

she got settled into her new studio. LOL can't make this schit up!


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## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> That's strange. I know I had to get used to doing something for my birthday because my X never felt it was important so we never did anything ..but I always wanted to


We did talk about it a little more, and he said that in his family, they never made a big deal out of birthdays. Like he might get a text from his sister that says "Happy Birthday!" and that will be it. I don't know if his XW ever really did much of anything.



Satya said:


> FIP, my hubby is like this about his bday, too. He wants it quiet so I just throw a party for us. It's on a major holiday, which is one reason he doesn't like to go out. I buy him one of those freaking huuuuuge balloons from the party store and cook his favorite food. I rent a bunch of meat head action films (he loves them and I'm kind of meh! about them... But hey, it's his bday...). Then I jump him.
> 
> The best idea I ever had on his bday... Google mancrates. I kid you not, he turned into a happy little boy when I bought him one last year.
> 
> I swear I can just about get him to crack a sideways smile when I do things like this. And for him, it means he loved it.
> 
> I call BS on guys that say they don't want to do anything for their bday. That's just not allowed in my world.


I decided that I'm going to take him out for dinner, and I'm going to leave it at that. I thought about getting him a gift, but we're still not "official" so I thought that a gift might be too much? (I also don't want to set the precedent for physical gift giving on special occasions.) 

I asked him where he wanted to go for dinner for his birthday, and he said, _well, I used to always go to XYZ steakhouse for my birthday, they have a drunken ribeye that I really like. I haven't been there in a long time._ Then, a couple minutes later, he says, _I want you to surprise me and take me somewhere I've never been_. (I'm guessing that his XW must have taken him to that steakhouse for multiple birthdays, so he wants to do something else. I'm guessing that because he also named a couple places that were off limits because one was where he proposed, and another was where he had his wedding reception.)

I wanted to take him here, but I couldn't get an early enough reservation. So instead, I'm taking him to this fantastic authentic northern Italian restaurant, Acqua al 2. I think he'll like it.

ETA: But I love the mancrate idea, I may store that away for another day.


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## MrsHolland

For the life of me I cannot remember the date I first got married. Maybe I'm losing it?


The anniversary of when my first marriage ended is also the anniversary of meeting my new partner 2 years later. Was a bit weird at first.


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## SadDaisy

I forgot it was our anniversary date and remembered some weeks after it passed...
He has actually forgotten it a couple of times in the past years (when we were married).


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