# Sick of being gaslighted



## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

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## Sable (Apr 23, 2017)

I think you should separate indefinitely, I'm pretty sure you'd get custody of the kids.

I'm sorry I can't be more insightful, but this is about as messed up as it gets, providing an answer is intimidating


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You are really being taken advantage of here.
Please find the ability to take action, and stand your ground.

I wish you well.


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## Sable (Apr 23, 2017)

I agree with Decorum, it turned my stomach just reading it.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Sable said:


> Easy man... he's not clueless, it's just really hard when kids are involved. Yeah he needs to get rid of her, but they'll end up losing a parent either way.


You are right. I will edit that post. If you don't mind please do the same for me.

I hate seeing someone being taken advantage of this way.
Thank you.


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## Kerf (Apr 22, 2017)

Myrcenary said:


> She sees my reaction to the ****ty things she does as an anger problem. Wants me to get help and herself help. I can't stand watching the kids cry. What the **** do I do?


You don't have an anger problem.If anything you let your partner get away with too much for too long.And seriously, she had your daughter sleep with the two of them?Come on man.You should be angry.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

@Uptown


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Farsidejunky, thanks for the call out.



Myrcenary said:


> How dare she lie and more importantly, how dare she do this with our daughter!!


Myrcenary, the serial cheating you describe -- and her neglect of your three children -- is a warning sign for strong Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and, to a lesser extent, Histrionic PD. If she really does exhibit strong NPD traits, it likely means she is incapable of truly loving anyone. Instead, she simply sees them as extensions of herself, as long as they continue to support her false image of herself. 

I therefore ask whether you have any reasons to believe that your W ever truly loved you and your children? If you decide that she truly does love you and your children, the serial cheating is a warning sign for Bipolar-1 Disorder, not NPD.



> She sees my reaction to the ****ty things she does as an anger problem.


Of course, she is mistaken. You would have a serious problem if you did not experience intense anger after the way she has abused you. Thank goodness you are feeling very angry.



> What the **** do I do?


You leave her. Moreover, it would be prudent to see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you and your three young children are dealing with. Because mental disorders can be inherited, it would be useful to know what -- if any -- disorders your exW is exhibiting and to know what the risk is to your kids of inheriting a predisposition to those disorders. I say "disorders" in plural because, if your exW exhibits one mental disorder she likely has one or two others as well.


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## goingsolo12 (Mar 26, 2017)

@Myrcenary

No you don't have an anger problem,any sane human being would be pissed off by her actions.

She is taking advantage of you, she is using you, she is a cake eater.
I can sense a lot of emotional abuse by her in your posts. Its a pattern for her and if you reconcile now that pattern would repeat again in the future.

You need to protect yourself and your children, get full custody. Your daughter was in the same bed when she was snogging the AP, that makes my blood boil. Don't waste your life on trash, you and your children deserve better.

All the best.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Read your own post. 
Look from the outside - in. What if this was a good friend telling this story? 

What would you say to him? 

She is crummy wife material and even worse mother material. Save your kids or they WILL have thousands in therapy bills until past adulthood. Get them in therapy NOW to start.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I'm most worried that this woman is bringing her children around men she does not know very well. What if one of these men molest your daughter? 

I've been molested by men my parents wrongly assumed were safe to be around when they barely knew them, this is why I raise this point. And like many victims, I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it for a long time.

Your daughter shouldn't be put to sleep in these men's beds period. That's just disgusting to me. 

If you haven't yet done so, please consider having a talk with the kids about sexual abuse and the importance of reporting it to you and the need to not be ashamed/feel guilty if it happens. Your wife is putting them in some pretty questionable situations.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Take your child with you to Child Protective Services. Have her relate the story. Children do not lie in such detail.

Your EXW/GF, [the mother] is not a mother...she is a Sperme Bateau. A vessel for some man's pleasure.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cannot see original post but sounds very worrying, esp the safety of the kids


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> she is a Sperme Bateau. A vessel for some man's pleasure.


Sounds fancy......


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

What happened to the original post?


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

hylton7 said:


> What happened to the original post?


Sorry, I deleted it. Just want to put this behind me. Most of these comments were very insightful, and I thank you all. For those of you still listening and wondering, I got her a place today. She's on her own now.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

Uptown said:


> Farsidejunky, thanks for the call out.
> 
> Myrcenary, the serial cheating you describe -- and her neglect of your three children -- is a warning sign for strong Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and, to a lesser extent, Histrionic PD. If she really does exhibit strong NPD traits, it likely means she is incapable of truly loving anyone. Instead, she simply sees them as extensions of herself, as long as they continue to support her false image of herself.
> 
> ...


You raise some very eye opening points, and I thank you for the well constructed advice. I honestly believe she loves her children, and sometimes me despite her outrageous behavior. She has shown these signs on and off throughout the years. I'm pretty sure she has some form of bipolar disorder. I can even pin point it down to the change of seasons. She's pretty down and mellow during the Autumn and Winter, but as soon as Spring is around the corner she goes nuts for lack of better words. She seems to abandon everything that matters to her, cold as ice. Then she snaps back to a somewhat normal loving human being later in the Summer. I've brought my concerns up with her in the past but she always shrugs it off more or less. It's like she realizes she has a problem but refuses to diagnose much less treat. So as of now, she has her own place and I'm just going to focus on the kids' well being. We're trying to do it without court, but if she gives me any reason to, we'll be there. I promise that.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Have another kid with her. That will bring her back to you. It worked twice before.


It didn't work twice if you had reading comprehension skills. Second, go piss yourself.


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## DepressedDiva (Mar 23, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Have another kid with her. That will bring her back to you. It worked twice before.


:| 🙄 that was really insensitive, I saw the original post & it was so awful I didn't know what to say at the time 😕


(((hugs))) myrcenary, I'm glad that your Ex got her own place, now you can hopefully heal and move on


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

DepressedDiva said:


> :| I'm glad that your Ex got her own place,


She didn't get her own place. HE got it FOR her. Not sure why - cheaters deserve to be kicked the hell out on their ass.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Myrcenary said:


> Sorry, I deleted it. Just want to put this behind me. Most of these comments were very insightful, and I thank you all. For those of you still listening and wondering, I got her a place today. She's on her own now.


Deleting the post doesn't change what happened. Also, by deleting the post (we don't know WHO YOU ARE) - it is a disservice to those who need help. Some of these posts lasts months or years, other people may use them to help sort out their feelings and problems. You don't have to read or reply to your own posts when you have moved on.

IMHO, deleting the post is also a form of rug-sweeping.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

Post is back up. It's not the original one but it's there.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

If you were really sick of it you would give up on her completely and only talk to her about the kid. You ex is going to do what is in her nature. Just like a rabid dog is going to bite you. You can't really be upset if you hold our your hand to it. 

By the way did I read that right that your daughter slept in the bed with your ex and her boyfriend? This seems wholly inappropriate. How long has she know this man? I would not be cool with this in any way gass-lighting or not. I would be on the phone with my lawyer.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

sokillme said:


> If you were really sick of it you would give up on her completely and only talk to her about the kid. You ex is going to do what is in her nature. Just like a rabid dog is going to bite you. You can't really be upset if you hold our your hand to it.
> 
> By the way did I read that right that your daughter slept in the bed with your ex and her boyfriend? This seems wholly inappropriate. How long has she know this man? I would not be cool with this in any way gass-lighting or not. I would be on the phone with my lawyer.


I believe she's know him for around 6 months. I've never met him. And trust me, I'm not cool with it and measures were taken.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She is not a good wife nor is she a good mother. She is a serial cheater and will never change. Divorce her - you and the kids will be happier.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you written out a timeline of everything that's happened since you met her? Do that. In a bound notebook (no adding pages). Less on the backside but every single detail now regarding your children. It may help you get custody.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Myrcenary said:


> My kids tell me she has a boyfriend. She won't tell me who it is. Kids tell me who it is. Boyfriend stayed the night twice with kids there, less than a month after moving out. Guess who the boyfriend is?
> 
> *Porkchop*


If your LOL "wife" is willing to bang a clown named "porkchop", I can GUARANTEE you are WAY better off without her.

Like RUN dude, seriously, she has NO STANDARDS or SELF RESPECT. She's straight up trash and is doing you a favor.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Myrcenary said:


> and measures were taken.


What measures exactly?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

@Myrcenary

After things calm down, you might want to consider therapy for yourself to determine why you didn't have the strength to leave. Love has made all of us do stupid things, but somehow, she kept you under her spell for over a decade.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You sound reasonably stabile certainly much better than her. If you can, you should get custody of the children, give her liberal visitation, and try to establish a relationship with a normal woman.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

turnera said:


> Have you written out a timeline of everything that's happened since you met her? Do that. In a bound notebook (no adding pages). Less on the backside but every single detail now regarding your children. It may help you get custody.[/Q
> 
> I have enough to write a book, I take daily notes. It's an every day thing, I could darn near make a new post on the crazy things she does and says to the kids and me. I honestly have no idea why I stuck with her for so long, I just wanted a normal family. Truth is, it's simply not possible with her. I've wasted 15 years of my life on her, though of course my children are of no regrets. But now that the dust has settled, I find peace. Everything is so normal, and everybody around me sees how things should be regarding the children. She can't be trusted to bring those little ones up to be decent people. I don't believe I should cut her out completely, but she is not capable of having custody of any sort. Bottom line is she needs to diagnose and treat for her own sake and our children.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

BetrayedDad said:


> If your LOL "wife" is willing to bang a clown named "porkchop", I can GUARANTEE you are WAY better off without her.
> 
> Like RUN dude, seriously, she has NO STANDARDS or SELF RESPECT. She's straight up trash and is doing you a favor.


She's not my wife. We never remarried despite her attempts after the divorce almost a decade ago. Yes, she is trash. But she puts on a good show.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I often say it's better to have two households than one, if the one contains major dysfunction. Why? Because the kids need to see at least one home where things work well and is healthy.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Since you never remarried I suspect there was a little voice in the back of your mind that kept screaming "DON"T DO IT!".

For the sake of your kids you may have to cut her completely out of your life or at least keep a close eye on her while she has contact with the kids.


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## Myrcenary (Apr 21, 2017)

TDSC60 said:


> Since you never remarried I suspect there was a little voice in the back of your mind that kept screaming "DON"T DO IT!".
> 
> For the sake of your kids you may have to cut her completely out of your life or at least keep a close eye on her while she has contact with the kids.


I always told her I only get married once in a lifetime. But yes, in reality I could never marry her again because I just knew this would happen again. And sure enough, here I am. During the breakup she actually said if we had only been married this would've never happened!! I told her the only difference that would've made is we'd be sitting in a court room dividing assets rather than doing it on our own. I've been doing my absolute best to not communicate anymore than I have to. The more I do that the more pissed she gets, but the better I get.

And yes, I'm keeping a very close eye on what she says and does when the little ones are anywhere near her.


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