# Help me catch him if he's still cheating!



## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

I recently discovered my bf (former fiance...) is a serial cheater. But he promised to reform and has done everything he can towards complete transparency, counseling, etc, and I decided to give him a chance to prove himself.

Well, just now I was walking down to the store and a neighbor I don't know too well stopped me for smalltalk. He was confused when I told him we lived in a house just up the street, as he said he sees my bf going into the apartment complex further down the street from us all the time.

Now I don't know what's going on because I was too stunned to question the neighbor further. I don't know if this neighbor actually saw him ENTER any apartments, and I don't know how long ago he would see him go into the complex. I do know my bf would very frequently go to the nature trails down there, to which you enter via a drainage ditch alongside those apartments. But the last time he claims to have gone there was before D-day, almost 4 months ago. We have both agreed that we never want to go there again because it is a trigger for us both, for a few reasons.

In any case, what the neighbor said has left me shaking. What is the best way to catch him if he really is still going down there and meeting someone (because I think just asking him about it without any evidence would be a bad move)?

He would be doing it while I was sleeping, because I make him set up a GPS on his person every time he goes out that I know of. I need at least 2 hours more sleep than him a night, so he would have plenty of opportunity.

I just want the truth. And if he's still cheating or lying, I want out. This is torture.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm sorry for the situation you're in.

1. DO NOT confront your bf until you have hard evidence of him continuing his affair.
2. Which brand phone is he using? On some you can recover texts through a computer, even deleted one's. Is he guarding it 24/7?
3. Does he use his computer alot?
4. Can you check his phone bill?


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

Its going to be hard for him to change. Men who cheat generally dont change. They dont "reform". They have to decide that it is WRONG and except that what they do causes tremendous harm and deep pain. Until they do, they will lie and cheat regardless what they say to their loved ones. Most of the time they lie just to keep doing it.


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## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

keko said:


> I'm sorry for the situation you're in.
> 
> 1. DO NOT confront your bf until you have hard evidence of him continuing his affair.
> 2. Which brand phone is he using? On some you can recover texts through a computer, even deleted one's. Is he guarding it 24/7?
> ...


Thank you.

He has an Android phone and I have been watching the phone bill like a hawk for months. He does not guard anything and almost never uses the computer.

But, I know there would be ways around all that. He is tech savvy. In the past he had cybersex using an app for his phone that lets you chat through a proxy so there is no record of it in texts. And he could've just gotten a different prepaid phone or something, because he knows I am watching the phone bills. He gets a lot of cash tips at work, and there's no way of me verifying the exact amount he gets each day. So he could easily use cash to avoid leaving bank records for purchases.

Even if he's not doing anything sneaky with phones, it would be easy to carry on if the AP lives just down the street. I was thinking of installing a stealth GPS on his phone that would run all the time. That is, if he takes his phone everywhere he goes, which I don't know for sure.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Before GPS, buy a VAR(voice activated recorder) and place it in his car. Ideally under the drivers seat, firmly secured there. This will catch the phone calls he makes when in his car. You can find VARs at bestbuy, walmart, radioshack for about $30.

Since you mentioned he previously cheated via a phone app and he is tech savvy I wouldn't bother doing anything via his phone.

Do you have a close friend or relative that can follow him one day/night, that you're suspicious of him doing something?


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## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

Knoxvillekelly said:


> Its going to be hard for him to change. Men who cheat generally dont change. They dont "reform". They have to decide that it is WRONG and except that what they do causes tremendous harm and deep pain. Until they do, they will lie and cheat regardless what they say to their loved ones. Most of the time they lie just to keep doing it.


I understand that serial cheaters are broken people. But that is what I meant by reform; he admits without any hesitation that everything he did was wrong and has hurt me to the core. He's _acting_ like someone who has finally seen how broken he is (I am the first person to ever actually catch him, while he was able to run away from his problems before now) and wants to change.

Of course, I can't read his mind.


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## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

keko said:


> Before GPS, buy a VAR(voice activated recorder) and place it in his car. Ideally under the drivers seat, firmly secured there. This will catch the phone calls he makes when in his car. You can find VARs at bestbuy, walmart, radioshack for about $30.
> 
> Since you mentioned he previously cheated via a phone app and he is tech savvy I wouldn't bother doing anything via his phone.
> 
> Do you have a close friend or relative that can follow him one day/night, that you're suspicious of him doing something?


I wish I could do this, but we don't have a car. He rides his moped, or the bus.

I wish I could ask a friend too, but I don't have any friends that live here anymore. My family lives here, but I haven't told them about the cheating. We are currently living in my mother's house. If any of my family knew about this right now, it would make life a living hell for me. I do not want to tell my family.

So, I feel stuck on what to do.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

The times you're suspecting of him cheating are right after you go to bed or before you wake up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

I have sleep issues that cause my sleep schedule to be erratic sometimes, so it could be either, or even both. He only sleeps 6 hours sometimes (always been that way), but he knows I sleep 8-10.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

or you could hire a PI, costs quite a bit but worth it because you wouldn't have to do anything and they're much more efficient and less prone to slip ups


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can you setup a webcam towards the door? This way you'll know when he's leaving and you can follow him the next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rizoma (Jun 11, 2012)

I was just looking into the idea of a PI. Love the idea, but I don't have enough money for one. We have no savings and only just got off food stamps after he got his current job.

I do like the webcam idea or some kind of strategically placed hidden camera outside. I would have to know if he left the yard (he is out there a lot working on his bike), and which direction he went would be good too. He would be likely to find it though... he's observant. I am liking this idea though if I can do it somehow.


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## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

Rizoma said:


> I was just looking into the idea of a PI. Love the idea, but I don't have enough money for one. We have no savings and only just got off food stamps after he got his current job.
> 
> I do like the webcam idea or some kind of strategically placed hidden camera outside. I would have to know if he left the yard (he is out there a lot working on his bike), and which direction he went would be good too. He would be likely to find it though... he's observant. I am liking this idea though if I can do it somehow.


Plenty of hidden cameras these days have motion sensors (especially hidden cameras inside table clocks).


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