# Should I keep fighting to save my marriage?



## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

I have been with my H 11 years, but married for just over 1. I learned just after Christmas he had a one night stand the end of Nov. and the OW is claiming the child is his. (I have another post in Coping with Infidelity with a lot more detail).

Things have been very up and down and I don't know what direction to turn anymore. I know I love him and want to fight, but also struggle with the fact that he cheated. I also don't know what to do if this child turns out to be his. At this point I can't see myself staying... how can I?

Do I give up now? Give it the last few months and wait on a paternity test? What other options are out there? Thanks.


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

How does your husband feel about the possibility the child might be his?


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

MyTwoGirls said:


> How does your husband feel about the possibility the child might be his?


It scares him, but if it is his he wants to be part of its' life.


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

So the 'one night stand' is workable for you then?...but if the child is his it seems once that reality hits you then you have to realize it is not just the child but her you will also be dealing with for the next 18yrs and beyond..is that worth your happiness?


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

MyTwoGirls said:


> So the 'one night stand' is workable for you then?
> 
> Not sure what you mean? I am not ok with what he did by any means. We have a long road ahead of us and I feel like we have barely begun to work on things.


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## CalmMarian (Jun 3, 2011)

snowy13 said:


> MyTwoGirls said:
> 
> 
> > So the 'one night stand' is workable for you then?
> ...


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## CalmMarian (Jun 3, 2011)

Forgot to subscribe!
I will keep updated on this post and share anymore insight I can.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Snowy, I'm not sure what you mean "what other options are there?"
Are you talking about doing a 180, plan a, etc?

Sweetie, your h cheated on you during your first year of marriage (although I read you have been together for 10 years prior to that) and he contracted a STD. What do YOU want to do? Can you imagine living your life with him and getting past what happened?

From what I understand, there hasn't been much transparency on his end. Has that changed?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

snowy13 said:


> Do I give up now? Give it the last few months and wait on a paternity test? What other options are out there? Thanks.


Do you want to end your marriage? What would it take for you to want to save it? What would be your last straw? What would he need to do for you to regain trust? Do you feel you could ever overcome his cheating?

And if the child is his, wuold you want to stay with him in that event?

Is he still in touch with OW? Is she married? I can't remember. 

What do YOU want to do? Answer that question for yourself. What does your husband say???


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

I cannot see myself without him, but it's also all I've ever known and I wonder if that's part of the problem. He has been somewhat transparent but there's a lot of room for growth there. I know there are things I need to work on too. Yes, the OW is married - supposedly divorced now.

I know I can't try and figure this out on my own anymore. I really appreciate being able to vent and get great advice here, but I also think we need to get back on track and go to MC again. Our last counselor seemed to judge and we never really continued with it, which was a mistake.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Try calling up the MC and go from there.


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