# Wife was very disrespectful, feels entitled



## mmm (Dec 19, 2015)

I had a huge golf tournament recently, and my wife decided she would hide my clubs to "teach me a lesson" about always making sure all doors were locked. Quick background - I left a door unlocked recently. Someone else used the door earlier, but I did not check all the doors before I left that day. We have never been robbed (live in a smaller town) and she has left doors unlocked multiple times. The difference is when I have found she has left doors unlocked (or several other things she continues to do even after we've talked about it several times), I simply lock the door. No punishment, no games from me. I also want to add I rarely golf because I work hard and am a very involved husband and father, so this golf tournament was something I had been looking forward to and talking about for months! 

After panicking for a while and trying to figure out what I was going to do, I figured out she was involved and found the clubs hidden in the house. She did not answer her phone or texts until after I had found them - I guess because she wanted me to panic for a while. I am livid with her, but she thinks she did nothing wrong. This is one example of something she feels she can do, but if the roles were reversed and I did the same thing to her, she would be angry for months (forever?).

I just wanted to see if it's as big a deal as I feel it is or if there are people that agree with her. I can barely stand to look at her because I feel she was so out of line and disrespectful.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lol the last time my wife pulled this kind of stunt (with my sunglasses) I just went and bought new.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It was childish of her.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I don't think it's about the door. 
It's resentment over your golf trips. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Lol the last time my wife pulled this kind of stunt (with my sunglasses) I just went and bought new.


*Love this*....love the new clubs that *I HAD TO *buy because someone must have *STOLE THEM*!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Lol the last time my wife pulled this kind of stunt (with my sunglasses) I just went and bought new.


Yes. I left my prescription glasses outside while working on the lawn. My wife hid them to punish me, too.

I am getting old and forgetful. Sorry. Latent/subconscious hostility....uh, huh. Dagnabbit.

I guess we are not worthy of Forgiveness. Petty behavior.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, you could always hide her purse...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Your wife is not being disrespectful or entitled. She is *actively hostile*.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Very childish. I do not think it had anything to do with you going golfing since you hardly ever go.

If it happens again go buy new, and if she gets mad about the money spent she should not act like a little brat and hide your stuff.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would not tolerate such childish behavior. If it persisted despite talking it through, I'd figure out some evil plan to demonstrate to her just how childish it is, by being even more so!

And damn! You passed up an opportunity to buy a nice new expensive set of golf clubs!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Could be she got really tired of hearing about that tournament for months on end. Still childish, though.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Yeah. It's a really inappropriate way to deal with conflict. But you aren't going to change what she thinks. I think you need to make it clear that you don't really care what she thinks about her hiding your property, you think it was wrong and that if that kind of thing happens there will be consequence. Then you need to think about what your consequence is. Personally, I like the "If you hide them, then I will by a new set" consequence. I also like the idea of having your own storage that she has no access to and you keep anything extra in there so you will never be without. 

Of course for me, being single, my choice would be to end the relationship. Nobody has time for that level of ****. 


And this reminds me of a family story: My grandfather use to come home drunk on a regular basis. And one time he left his keys in the freezer. He couldn't find them the next day and eventually my grandmother found them. This did not stop his drinking ways, and one day he came home drunk and left his keys on the kitchen table. I guess he was more than his usual obnoxious self and after he went to bed. She took his keys and hid them in the vegetable bin in the refrigerator. He never thought to look there and this time she refused to help him look. Took him weeks to find them. (I guess he took the bus to work.) 

Those two stayed married until he died at the age of 90. I can't really say what he felt for her, but she resented him until his dying breath. What a miserable existence.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If you aren't going to point out to her when she doesn't lock doors, then is it any surprise that she acts like a kid that got away with something and then takes it one step further?

If she's going to act like a child... 

And I agree, it's not about the door.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Wow, I can't believe when people do this kind of crap to each other, but I know it happens. I couldn't imagine being with someone so immature and petty.

The most important thing is what did you shoot at the tournament? You should be really pissed if you tanked your score because you were stressed, that's unforgivable!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

People treat us as we allow. That's why she treats you like this, because you allow it. It's not your fault that she's a jerk, but it's your fault that you tolerate it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> I don't think it's about the door.
> It's resentment over your golf trips.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


From what @mmm said @MrsAldi, I do not think it was that. She knew how much this rare golf tournament meant to him, so she decided to play silly mind games with him to punish him for something he was already sorry for.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> From what @mmm said @MrsAldi, I do not think it was that. She knew how much this rare golf tournament meant to him, so she decided to play silly mind games with him to punish him for something he was already sorry for.


He was talking about the golf & looking forward to it for months. 
She absolutely did it to hit him where it hurts. 
Why? 
Resentment over something, was it over an unlocked door really? 
I find it hard to believe. 
Something else is going on under the surface. 


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

@MrsAldi,

Bingo! The golf is without a doubt a stalking horse. What the real issue is at this point no one knows. By the way the issue can be all on herewith nothing to do with OP much in the way FOO issues are but in marriage all issues are held in common. OP needs to do some digging.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Horses stalk?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Sorry I meant stalking horse as in red herring


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Horses stalk?


Stalking horse.

Means using something to hide a person's real intent.

It's an hunting term I believe?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Punishing your spouse in any way is not acceptable. The are not a child, and you have no rights over them. Marriage is about trust, about knowing that another person has your best interests at heart. 

Much as I love my wife, if this ever happened (which it won't) I would tell her how I felt. If it happened again, I would leave.


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg and she disrespects you a lot. She seems controlling too.

Every time you allow her to disrespect you - she _loses_ more respect for you. There's a book called No More Mr Nice Guy which might help.

There is no way I would 'punish' my husband in that way (or my kids, or anyone). He is his own person, a man. He has an occasional golf day too, and he deserves it. 

Golf has nothing to do with forgetting to lock a door. 

If the door is such a problem, replace the lock with one that locks itself when you close it but make sure your key is on something you won't forget (like car keys, wallet). Also, I would do it without even mentioning it to her. Just tell her you've solved the problem with the lock and give her a key.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

How were you legally able to marry an eight year old?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Stalking horse.
> 
> Means using something to hide a person's real intent.
> 
> ...


Stalking horse means subterfuge. Trojan horse would be a better description in this case. 

What she wants is control. She's a Type A personality control freak. Our society drips with them.


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