# update on a bad situation



## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Ok I did leave and I went to my frat's place o n the way back I stopped at my mom's house and I grabbed my cane corso....a dog that my wife hates and the dog equally doesn't like my wife. One day she hit me and my dog attacked her so she made me give the dog to my mother. Honestly I have been sleeping on the sofa a lot better these days....I did come back home because truthfully I love my wife but now things are getting dangerous. 

OK so I was going to use on demand on comcast and watch one of our favorite shows a game thrones and i thought to myself "hmmm if I watch this I will be ahead of my wife in the series" so I decided to hit up my xbox and go to my career in 2k13 and play around...I get back and guess what she is watching a program. So I decide to change the channel still.......******* move I know I know......and she goes off and decides to sleep in the car. This happens at about 1130 and up until 5 I am knocking on the door and telling her to come back inside....she see's me and ignores me. 

Another ******* move I decide to lock the top lock and go to sleep. She ends up breaking the window thingy that keeps the bugs out I dont know what it's called at this time because it slips my mind I am so mad. She ends up telling me off and I get hit in the face....called all sorts of N's......but I am used to this.

The part that really bothers me is that her cousin calls me up and asks me if I ever hit her??????????? What??????????? I never hit I am the one that get's hit, I am the one that is nobody, I am the one that isn't nothing..................and she tells me how her father is going to f*#$ me up........and I want him to try. I won't hit my wife but he will get every bit of the anger I have in me.

Side bar if everyone in south hates NYers then why marry one?
"My dad will F his northern a up."


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Just the way you talk about your wife and the way you say she talks to you, tells me that you have no respect for each other. You guys won't go far unless you check your egos in at the front door and change your attitudes.


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## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Alpha said:


> Just the way you talk about your wife and the way you say she talks to you, tells me that you have no respect for each other. You guys won't go far unless you check your egos in at the front door and change your attitudes.


It's not that I don't have respect for it's just that how much do I have take? How many times do I have to be told I'm nothing? It's almost like the way I feel for her, want her and appreciate who she is isn't the way she feels for, wants or appreciates me. 

Truthfully I am tired of being the bigger person, I am tired of being the bad guy, being the person that walks away, of being the imperfect one, of being hit......I can't deal with it.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

You left your wife and moved to your frat's place? Frat? As in college frat? 

How old are you and your wife?


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Legends said:


> It's not that I don't have respect for it's just that how much do I have take? How many times do I have to be told I'm nothing? It's almost like the way I feel for her, want her and appreciate who she is isn't the way she feels for, wants or appreciates me.
> 
> *Truthfully I am tired of being the bigger person, I am tired of being the bad guy, being the person that walks away, of being the imperfect one, of being hit......I can't deal with it.*


are you tired enought to leave yet? 

it's not going to end until you do. _period. _

How can you be tired of being the person that walks away? 

No you aren't ...you stand there and get hit in the face. 

You 'can' deal with it ..._because you are._


Love? You are co-dependant...this isn't 'love'
...this is sickness. 


You need to _leave. _ ...This is your only choice. Don't you get it? There is no other advice for you. None. Zip. 

Dude..._you need to leave!_


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## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Alpha said:


> You left your wife and moved to your frat's place? Frat? As in college frat?
> 
> How old are you and your wife?


Frat as in frat brother, no I didn't move in with him it was a weekend and I drove to his house because that's what brothers are for. Yes when I use the term frat I am talking about college frat. 

We are both 26.


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## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> are you tired enought to leave yet?
> 
> it's not going to end until you do. _period. _
> 
> ...


I am not co-dependant I come from a family where marriage is for life. There are times I want to leave but it's not just that simple.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Legends said:


> I am not co-dependant I come from a family where marriage is for life. There are times I want to leave but it's not just that simple.


Oh dude...I SO disagree with you...

you don't have a 'marriage' bro... you have a wicked mess...

...and yes it IS that simple...

you find the door...you walk out of it...with a packed bag... 


...and you don't ever get hit again. yay.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Any children?

I have the same ideals as you, that a marriage is for life. Those vows meant a lot to me and I also thought they did for my wife...until the **** hit the fan so to speak.

I would suggest this: Separation

Your marriage contract is still in place but you have the time to live without her and she without you. Take this time to work on yourself. It shouldn't be a time for you to party it up with the boys and act like a free man. Address your issues, fix up your life and make yourself into the person you know you can be.

Let your wife see who you really are, and if she likes it and wants to get back, make the decision if you want to. If she hasn't changed and still treats you poorly, you don't have to continue. 

Point is, be the better person and don't stoop down to her level.


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## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Alpha said:


> Any children?
> 
> I have the same ideals as you, that a marriage is for life. Those vows meant a lot to me and I also thought they did for my wife...until the **** hit the fan so to speak.
> 
> ...


That is some great advice I'm going to head to the hotel after work and set up a meeting with a counselor.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

an abuser 'won't' change unless they acknowledge what they are doing and get help. So hopefully your wife will agree to get that help and own up to her treatment of you ...you've already been through her sorrys and tears and promises to never do it again and she does it again. So you realize more of those promises are futile. 

I do realize you want to save your marriage...i wanted to save mine with my abuser too...problem was...he wouldn't own it or get help so it didn't stop. 

Keep posting and I'm glad your taking a safety measure and getting out of the house. It hurts inside and out to get hit and belittled...I know this.


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