# Get a life!!!



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I know to those who are brand new to all of this, you are feeling extremely overwhelmed. Sad, depressed, angry, etc. Your thinking that you will never be able to get past the pain and hopelessness you are feeling right now, but trust me my friends, it does get easier.

My H&I have been apart for over 3 months now, and compared to how I was when he left, I have made tremendous progress.

There were mornings where my greatest accomplishment was getting out of bed. I felt like I would never be able to go on living, or want to live, without my H. I would sit around staring at my phone praying that he would call or text, and it never happened. I did ALL the things that your not supposed to. Crying, pleading, begging etc. I look back now and cannot believe how pathetic I was acting.

One day I woke up and I just felt....different.

It didn't hurt as much, I didn't feel like I wanted to die.

For me, this was progress.

I realized that there was more to me than my H. That he does not define me.

I was already in IC for myself, and I've kept going. I started hanging out with my friends, doing more activities with my kids, and volunteering.

I won't lie, some days are still hard. But not all day every day. And some days are great!

I am realizing that I cannot control his actions or behaviors, but I can control mine. 

Life does go on, and you will find happiness again, but you have to work at it. You can't just sit around and wait for the helplessness to go away on it's own. You have to work at it.

Read books, go to counseling, meditate, pray, grab coffee with a friend, go to church, go to a concert...just do something. In other words-GET A LIFE!!
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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

well you just said it perfectly...almost 3 months for me too..and i am getting a life, meeting new people, finding me again..and it feels good..still have moments..but nothing like i had..tonight..girls night out..only know one person but thats ok...just a chance for me to meet new people


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Going on 4 months for me and it is getting easier for me. I'm going to be starting physical therapy soon and speech therapy too. I've also got a job in the works with the help of a good friend. I may be going back into the career that I left to help H pursue his goal of having his own business. 

I continue to shed the weight, almost 50 pounds now, back to wearing makeup, in short, taking care of me! H will be in town around the end of the month and I prefer not to see him, not yet. That can wait until the wedding in October. 

My greatest achievement for this past week was getting through it with no crying!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

it's been a bit over a month for me. It is easier as in I don't think about him all the time. It's still pretty raw at times, though. I've been getting out, going running, eating better-all these things I pushed to the side when we were together. I hope I can soon stop feeling like there's a big soon to be ex sized hole in my life


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

sadand said:


> I am so happy for you. I am experiencing something very different. This is not getting easier for me, it is getting worse. I did take some control over how much contact I would get with H, told him to stop being in touch so casually. But every morning I get up with a heart ache so bad, I don't know if I can take a deep breath


Sad, how long have you two been apart? I can't keep everyone straight.

I know it's hard for you, I think maybe you shouldn't communicate with your H for a little while. It seems to only make things worse.
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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It will get easier. What are you doing for yourself?
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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Yes, we have to get a life past our ex. It's so hard to motivate yourself to get out, at least it is for me. But I force myself to because I will fall into a bad depression if I don't.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Sad, after 29 years I wouldn't expect you to be able to pick up and move on after a few months, but with every day it gets easier. (((Hugs)))
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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

DG I am with you and almost the same amount of time. I can see myself living as Jill Scott says "Like it's Golden" I still grieve the relationship and friendship I had with the man known as my husband, but he chose to do something different. His loss. Glad to see by the others on here that life is returning to a new normal.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

hmmmm, about 5 months, and what I have come to relise is a couple of things.

1) I don't miss the ex wife.
2) I do miss companionship
3) I miss my two sons something shocking

At the start of all this I didn't want to get out of bed, just wanted to sleep the rest of my life away, over time I relised that was not the best course of action. I have had the '*DOORMAT*' tattoo removed from my forehead and made a start with getting on with my life, new plans have to be made as the old ones were shredded.

DG, congrats to you, you have come a long long way in a short period, you are just about 'old school' on TAM now


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

DG it is good to see the thread you have started, and that you are feeling better as time goes on. Also I have been on the site for a long while and it is good to see Crankshaw that you too are doing fine.

I have been getting better myself. Been separated around 5 weeks. Get bad days that set you back. Today, finally got proof of OW, and Iam going out with husband tonightfor a meal, and to remain on good terms. No idea what to do now. don't really feel like shouting and screaming I feel quite calm now I actually know the truth.

However the bad part is financial worries, since being made redundant I am unable to support myself and no prospect of gettinga better job. Think for me the final straw will be if I have to leave my home, as I am very happy here. Just don't think I have tht energy.

Do keep going through the motions everyone of doing something for yourself. many people are forced with being on there own every day for many reasons-deploymentoverseas, death. just try to be happy in the moment.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

DG - I'm happy you are feeling much better.

I'm also much better than before - well, maybe because my hope is revived, I still do miss him terribly and my heart is longing for him to return. My main progress: for the 1st time I was able to read an article of National Geographic (6 pages) without my mind wandering. Tomorrow I'll go to work and try to concentrate without the crying breaks in the toilet every hour or so.


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## coreoutdoors (Jun 11, 2011)

After reading your post and some of the others, I understand how it feels. I know that you just have to go and get a life. Even if your a bit rusty. I am trying to get a life now doing things that I used to do, but with my kids when I can. 
It's just takes a while to get back to it, but I try to remain positive no matter what, because that is what makes it easier. I'm trying to keep it together, but there can be times it's hard. 
Remain positive is what I am trying to do!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Excellent!
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