# Not sure if it can be saved - Help



## idkanymore (Jan 3, 2012)

Hi all, am new to this site
I will try and keep it as short as possible.
My husband and i have been married for 6 yrs, 3 kids (6,3 &1). A year into our marriage i fond out my h was having an affair (he denies that it ever was) he doesn't really acknowledged what he did was cheat because they were never physical, she was an old girlfriend living overseas, however i found lots of emails about how they loved each other, he wrote a song for her (never has done that for me!) and i found a passport application, so i think he was going to just take off and leave us? anyway he stayed and we tried to work things out. things have been ok over the years, we have good times and then not so good times! i am never allowed to bring up my feelings around what happened, he says i have to get over it not keep brining up the passed, but i feel it was never really dealt with, and my feelings surrounding it are not really justified, if i get upset it ends in him walking away not really giving me the support i need and reinsurance, when i told him when i am down i would like to be held , he just says well i can't because u have pissed me off now. anyway, this happens on and off i guess when i get to a point and i can;t bottle it up anymore so i let it out, we fight, it gets pushed under the rug, and he pretends everything is ok, and get back to life again. He doesn't want to go to counselling, he thinks its a waste of money as they just brain wash u ! I suppose up until now i just put up with this thinking this was life an no marriage perfect, but his general behavior is now affecting my 6 yr old. he sees his fathers bad traits (unhappy, nothing ever good enough attitude) and he is now copy him. My children play up and misbehave when he is around to get attention, but when i tell him that the kids love him and want his attention, and that he should play with them , he says that if they were better behaved he would. As for our sex life.... well there is not much of one, i just can't make my self interested in being physical with him, i think i have lots of bottled up resentment and hurt and anger. He tells me he would be happier and nicer if I put out more !! So i am at a real loss, so confused, whether this marriage is worth saving, or even if i want to anymore, i feel guilty if i leave because my kids love their dad. I am so lost and don't know where to start.


----------



## merri (Jan 3, 2012)

First it sounds like you need to decide if you really can get over the past. Perhaps an individual counselor?


----------

