# Child support question



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I never went through probate for my child support and I advance write my ex-wife about 13 checks per quarter and she just cashes them.

I figure that alone leaves a paper trail.

However, I called my bank today and they told me they only keep statements for 10 years, transactions for 2 years (on the net).

Being the semi-paranoid type, what is the maximum time a mother could claim that "I never got any child support from him"? 

This is not retroactive child support (before the order). . .this is about after the order.

I live in NJ but I would be willing to listen to other state rules.

Something tells me it could be forever. She could take me to court when I am 88 years old and have a few marbles rolling around up there (if I dont' have any already  )


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

If your bank doesn't keep your records online forever, then you need to keep the paper copies forever so that you can prove that you have paid. Protect yourself.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

My advice would be to go ahead and get the 10 years of statements even if at a cost to you from your bank and keep them forever. Make sure to keep paper copies and perhaps 1-2 copies digitally on a thumb drive. Keep one in a safe place and ask your parents or siblings/best friend to hold another copy and update it yearly.

If she ever makes a claim that you didnt "pay" for the years before you kept records. I think you would be safe in court. Courts wouldn't automatically prove you never paid. The Judge would ask her why she didnt bring this to the court's attention years ago and would most likely dismiss the case as you had years upon years of history showing timely payments.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> I never went through probate for my child support and I advance write my ex-wife about 13 checks per quarter and she just cashes them.
> 
> I figure that alone leaves a paper trail.
> 
> ...


I'm actually going down to the government offices (Child and Welfare?) tomorrow. We're only three months into our agreement - but a couple of good sources told me that my checks could be considered as "gifts" if not paid through the proper channels. I don't expect any problems - but I'm also not leaving myself open.

Just something else to think about...


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

My ex gives me certified cheques. I am sure you can also get one of those cheques that keeps carbon copy or like someone said keep the online statements in PDF format on the side. I am sure if she showed up in court 10 years from now to say that the judge would probably give her a funny look for not brining that up sooner. 

I would not be too paranoid just keep some copy of them on the side.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Send a stamped postcard or envelope for each check and ask that she sign the enclosed receipt and return it to you. Then you have something she signed that said she got the support.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Here in VA, child support is paid through your local social services department to eliminate the issue you speak of. Not sure how NJ does it but child support enforcement should be able to answer all the questions you are asking. Child support is a debt and unless there is an established arrears, the court would dismiss the claim for child support not paid years ago. She has to prove you are not paying in order to show contempt.


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## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

That's how it is done in MI as well.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Here in Ohio the same as VA. My child support is payroll deducted and then sent to her. I guess almost like a garnishment. It is way easy and if she has questions or issues she calls them.

I love that.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I do write "child support" on the check description to indicate it is child support and not for something else.

And it's for the exact amount for the court order so I think it would be a stretch for her to say, "oh, those weekly checks were gifts."

I even gave her a small COL raise this year.

I also, when she needs money for braces or some other expense, I write a separate check out for that and indicate it on the description.

The thing is. . .I would go through probate here in NJ but in about 14 months, our smallest one goes to school and leaves daycare (except for summers). At that point, my child support stands to drop.

I feel like then I will have to go back and petition the probate office to then re-adjust the amount down to what's written in the order.

The order says, "Weekly child support in this amount of X along with amount X to cover 42% of daycare costs."

I still will have 42% of daycare costs in summers and for after school care, I realize and I will write separate checks (advanced post dated) for those.

Finally, there's another reason I admit I do this, and perhaps a bit self-motivated. . .a little bit of control. She took me to court to sue me for school lunches on the days I had the kids. Now, actually, in a good faith attempt to negotiate with her and avoid court, I conceded I would pay for school lunches. She also wanted a yearly audit of my tax returns and 3 other points that were all dismissed. I lost attorney cost recoupment. The judge didn't even want to listen to our argument that she was abusing the court system.

When it came to blows though, my lawyer successfully demonstrated to the judge I didn't have to pay for school lunches and that was wrapped into the child support check. It's written write in NJ law - "includes school lunches."

So. . .I had to spend $2500 to "win this point" when I would have just given it to her.

Well, as my attorney predicted, she says she is going to shut down the kids lunch accounts (linked to her credit card) in an effort to force me to pay for lunches when I have them (which I will of course).

Because I spent $2500 to "win this dumb point", I figure I will deduct the cost of the lunch back against the amount I am ponying up for the braces.

Again, if I hadn't had to spend such an exorbitant amount to defend myself in court, I wouldn't even bother with this - I'd just foot the bill for the lunches.

But the fact i am not in probate gives me a little more leverage in my opinion.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

BTW, I like the carbon copy idea, or just photocopy them, I guess.

But I guess I should go back now and ask for the statements beginning in Oct. 2011 and just go forward for now with a paper trail.

I guess I am banking on what someone said. . .if I had 10 years of history of timely payments, it would be a stretch to make a case that for 5 years prior,I didn't.

Still, you never know with attorneys and what kind of case they'll try to make a for a buck and I know the court systems favor women and they'll give a benefit of a doubt towards them. 

So, I should keep airtight records I guess.

I'd love to just to "pay her off" - advance pay child support in exchange for a waiver of future claims. $20,000, whatever it is.

This is the problem with child support payments. . . money exchanging hands every month (usually man towards woman) causes problems upon problems. This was for that. This was for this. You didn't pay for that when you should have paid for this. Yes, your honor. No, your honor. Whatever you say, your honor.

No wonder Family Court is a cluster-f.

I should just advance pay her $20,000 or whatever, get a 10% discount for it, drive a Yugo for 5 years, and call it even.

Wouldn't that be much simpler? Debt owed. Debt payed.

Guess I am dreaming.


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