# confused & hurt



## fedup

Hi
I have been married for 19 years with no children. My husband has recently told me that it would be better if we seperated as he wants to find someone who will share his interests with him. He cannot stomach my beliefs and the work that I do to help other people. He says that he cant understand my belief and I reply that he really does not want to. He says that I spend too many nights away doing what I enjoy doing -helping others - and that he sits at home looking at four walls. This is really not true for he is out doing his hobbies as many evenings as I am. He also says that there is no communication between us, that he is not interested in my friends or what I do. He complains about everything that I do, for example, he hates that I enjoy reading whilst he sits watching the TV or that I will sit at the computer. I have tried to explain to him that I really prefer to read etc than sit watching TV, it is just my preference. He is not a reader. Even if I do try to start up a conversation he will tell me to 'shut up' as he is watching TV. There are many issues involved but the main one that he is using is my spiritual beliefs and I dont know if this is just an excuse. If i did give up what I have long worked towards and love to do he would no doubt find another excuse. He is so matter of fact about our seperation as if he is doing a massive favour to me and obviously himself. Any advice would be great. I am so confused. I asked him if there was perhaps another female that he wished to start up a new life with and he said that it was possible??? Are his reasons valid...am i being selfish??? Sorry this was such a long long post.


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## dobo

He gave you the answer -- there is someone else.


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## Msladyqueen

Sry to hear what you are going through, I know it must be painful. have you all tried counseling? If he is against that maybe asking him what you all can do together would be a start. If you are helping others and seeking the kingdom of God first, feel not convicted. Pray on it. The book "Power of a praying wife " is a good start. Prayer changes things but we also have to have faith and works too. Ask God and he will guide you and give you the answer. The enemy is busy busy busy trying to destroy marriages,ppl and the such. Don't give up you have the victory. If it doesn't make sense to you, that means take it to God if you just can't figure it out God knows. As far as another woman, don't fret, what is done in the dark will come to the light. Ask God for strenghth for whatever is coming. Pray for your understanding and intercede in prayer for your husband.


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## mng777777

I feel like I am going through a similar situation, not the same, but there are similarities in things you said and how I have felt. My suggestion is that you first remember your faith. Hold fast to what you believe and don't let this shake your faith. Realize though, that your beliefs are not his and though it will take more humility than you feel capable of at times, you must not force your faith on him, OR judge him for having different views. Your best hope for ever seeing eye-to-eye on your faith is to lead with a loving, understanding, and compassionate example. As far as your relationship goes, it sounds like you could benefit from some help. Even if he is not willing to go with you, lead by example. Select a counselor with him in mind (Not one that is going to force your faith upon him) and start going. If he refuses at first, but sees a change in you, he will come around. Above all else, practice patience and love. Don't let him see the anger that builds in you and don't allow things to turn into fights. I hope for the best for you and I will pray for your marriage.


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## preso

Sounds like he wants a partner and your busy helping everyone else. The facts are, you cannot be a mother teresa type and have a relationship, even she was not married to man, but her issues and causes. 
People who are like that are better off single so they can devote all their time to their issues and causes. People who are married have to invest their time and self into the marriage, so marriage is not for everyone.
It sounds to me like he really wants a partner and maybe out looking for someone to be one to him.
Just think, if you split up, you will have lots more time to devote to your issues and causes with helping others, no husband in the way. He will find a partner and you will both be happier. It sounds like you have drifted very far apart and to stay together will serve no purpose for either of you.


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