# Another lost soul



## sinann (Oct 30, 2014)

Hi, 
I'm just another newbie that has lost the way in my marriage and have caused untold pain and anger for my husband. 

So straight off the bat I am ashamed to say and admit that I am a cheater and I do Not deserve my husband. He has stuck by me through every single time and it seems I just go on hurting him. 

I'm here to get advice on how to keep my cheating ass off the divorce line. And maybe rekindle what ever love he has for me into a somewhat passion relationship.


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## GG1061 (Apr 20, 2021)

Where is your husband at with the marriage?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Every single time?So you're a serial cheater? That makes me more inclined to want to give your husband advice. Grow a set would be a good start.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

sinann said:


> Hi,
> I'm just another newbie that has lost the way in my marriage and have caused untold pain and anger for my husband.
> 
> So straight off the bat I am ashamed to say and admit that I am a cheater and I do Not deserve my husband. He has stuck by me through every single time and it seems I just go on hurting him.
> ...


What you need to do is get into individual therapy, and encourage your husband to do the same. 

You both need to do a lot of work on yourselves. You need to figure out why you are a serial cheater, correct the issue (which is no small task), and learn to be a faithful partner. Your husband needs to figure out why he has put up with this, what is best for him, and what he wants to do. If (many months down the road) you have both done the work and he wants to try reconciling, then you do marriage therapy. 

You have said you do not deserve your husband. So, for once in your life, put him first. No more of this me, me, me crap. Encourage him to get therapy, even if that means risking he will leave you in the end.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It really is in the hands of your husband. So far he has not have the self respect and dignity to had dumped you the first time.

Having said that he needs to get into counseling to find out why he has been putting up so much.

You first need to be clear with yourself as to why you want to stay in the relationship. Please, don't say that it's because you love him, because it "ain't" so. You might like him and have some love for him, but in no way, shape, or form you are in love with him, if you actually were, you wouldn't never had cheated.
Is it because is economically, logistically, conveniently for you to stay in the relationship?
Think why you want to stay in a relationship that you have never respected.

Once you have figured it out, you can proceed to either end the relationship, or start with individual and couples counseling to show your husband that from now on you will be a safe partner. Just know that if he decides to stay is not going to be easy for a long time. He might forgive, but not forget, plus you need to be aware that your marriage will never be the same.

Me advice to him would be to dump you now. I just can't understand pathetic men like your husband. Must likely you don't even see him as a real men for having put for so long the worse offense that a woman can bestow upon a man. He probably has little dignity.

But really, I'm kind of curious as to why you want to stay in this relationship? You don't love him, you don't respect him, so why?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

sinann said:


> Hi,
> I'm just another newbie that has lost the way in my marriage and have caused untold pain and anger for my husband.
> 
> So straight off the bat I am ashamed to say and admit that I am a cheater and I do Not deserve my husband. He has stuck by me through every single time and it seems I just go on hurting him.
> ...


You don’t stand a chance of changing without some intense therapy. Speaking from experience here.

Something fundamental is broken and you trying to “wish” it would go away will never work.
You need to fix what is broken, and professional help is needed for that.

If you don’t do this… then you should leave your husband. Let him live the rest of his life without the pain you bring him. At least love him that much.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You’ve been here for over seven and a half years before making a post. If you’ve been cheating continuously all this time then your husband either has a cuckold fetish or he’s cheating himself and doesn’t care about your shenanigans. 
Who makes the money in your household?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I will leave the 2 x 4's for the others to swing.

Can we assume that your husband is aware of your cheating?


If yes, then be the best wife that you can be.

a) Offer up all your electronic device passwords, and unfettered access to each.
b) Do a legal pre-nup, offering up your normal rights to the marital assets (if you cheat again) and he divorces you.
c) Be kind to him and be emotionally available, and at most times, be sexually available.
d) Do your share in all facets of the marriage.
e) Make an effort to do the things he enjoys in life.
f) Get individual counseling.

If no, he does not know about your cheating:

Most here, will tell you to confess and let the chips fall where they may.

Does he know?


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## Williejay1975 (Feb 24, 2021)

sinann said:


> I'm here to get advice on how to keep my cheating ass off the divorce line.


I suggest that you start using "Strong Structures". It is the technique of writing then going over short phrases to reinforce thoughts or to get rid of thoughts. Which in your case is cheating. Start there I believe you can train and change. You can do it.


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