# Confused



## Jasmal (Aug 17, 2015)

I've been married a little over 1 year. We met online and very quickly got married. He moved here 14 hours away from home. He is a paraplegic due from combat. I know that, what I did not know until our wedding night was that he could not perform. He claims he never had this problem but for months we tried even with medication assistance nothing happened. For over half of our year in marriage we have had no form of intimacy. He seems to have been sick almost since his beginning here. Infections in wounds, now a dislocated leg that will require surgery. I feel completely like crap and selfish for saying and feeling the way I do but I am completely miserable. I feel like I took on someone else that is draining me, I have 3 children already that I tend to. It's too the point I don't even want to come home. We basically are at a point where we don't talk or touch. All he does is sit in the bedroom all day and night watching TV. Even when he is watching the kids be stays in the room.I want and need a intimate connection with my husband. I feel more alone now then I did when I was alone. I never wanted to be divorced but I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Does he have any feeling in his penis? 

If he would give you oral or use his hands would that be enough to satisfy you, or do you need penetration?

Did you ask about his sexual function when he told you he was paraplegic?


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## Jasmal (Aug 17, 2015)

Yes we use to have phone sex before we met no problems according to him. We were intimate for the first few months without penetration. It was tolerable. Now he's constant pain.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Jasmal said:


> Yes we use to have phone sex before we met no problems according to him. We were intimate for the first few months without penetration. It was tolerable. Now he's constant pain.


Had you ever met this man in person before you married him?


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## Jasmal (Aug 17, 2015)

We were together for one week in person before we married


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Jasmal said:


> We were together for one week in person before we married


I think you're now finding out why that was a very, very bad decision....:surprise:


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## Jasmal (Aug 17, 2015)

Unfortunately you are correct. Am I wrong if I divorce or rather get an annulment, I made a commitment but I felt like I was lied to about a big part of our relationship


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Jasmal said:


> Unfortunately you are correct. Am I wrong if I divorce or rather get an annulment, I made a commitment but I felt like I was lied to about a big part of our relationship


I don't think anyone here can tell you if it's right or wrong. There are obviously consequences to bad decisions, and if you do divorce you'll have to live with those (mostly emotional/mental I would assume), and if you don't divorce, you'll have to live with a lot of consequences, too.

No good answer here. Does your husband know how unhappy you are?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

If you want to honor your commitment, you are within your rights to tell your husband exactly how you feel and set a time limit for the two of you to try to work things out or go your separate ways. This will let him know you care about him, but at the same time you can not be a wife for him unless the two of you have a nurturing relationship that goes both ways. 

In reality you likely fell in love with your "idea" of someone that likely caused you to have unrealistic expectations of the relationship. If you have three children already, it is also possible that your online relationship was an rebound emotional affair similar to how some people have rebound sexual affairs until they learn who they are and know what they want in a healthy relationship.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Jasmal said:


> Am I wrong if I divorce or rather get an annulment, I made a commitment but I felt like I was lied to about a big part of our relationship


Look at it like this milady. You ordered something on-line and when you got it, it was not as described. You had "good faith" when he apparently sold you a bill of goods, so were only committed to what you believed you were getting. Its his misrepresentation and non-performance that's causing the problem. 

Get rid of this slug and let the VA take care of him. One individual shouldn't be saddled with the problems he encountered in combat. He fought for his country as a whole, not you as an individual, that should take care of him.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I agree with the posters who said you have been defrauded. In my opinion, that is grounds for an annulment, and that's what you should do.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Jasmal said:


> We were together for one week in person before we married



:surprise:


:banghead:


:wtf: were you thinking?

After knowing this man in person for one week you bring him into your home with your children! With. Your. Children?

You are a parent and your first responsibility is to ensure the safety of your children! Bringing an adult to live in their home and the subsequent meshing of personalities, differing approaches to life and stress, not to mention the vitally important meshing of parenting styles, cannot be done "on the fly." What message have you just given your children about making good choices, about critical thinking, about preparedness? They know this man for a week and he is their new step daddy? What message does this send to your children about how important they are in your life that you would make such an important decision with so little information?

You should not only divorce but you should also take some parenting classes and learn more about child safety!


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