# Getting to reconciliation



## Gethsemane (Mar 16, 2013)

So long story short.
My wife and I have been married for a year and a half. I know that is not long but our relationship has been alot longer. 3 days after we got married I found she had been visiting chat rooms and flirting with other men. she said she was sorry and it was over. As you all know it wasn't. I have caught her 6 times in the past year and a half and it gets worse each time because she falls in love with someone new and it moves to email and phone calls. She has been sorry and made steps to prevent it every time except this last time. I had been in training for work for a week and when I got home I could tell something was wrong as she was very cold. She went to the store and I checked the computer and sure enough. I asked her about it when she got home and she said that it made her feel happy and she would not stop. things did not change the whole weekend and by monday I told her it had to stop of she needed to leave, so she packed up and left. 

I have not heard from her since.

I got a call from her mother who said that my wife told her she was coming back to me.

the trust had already been destroyed with the first couple of times and now I am dealing with the fact that she left me. How do I reconcile with her if she says its over and done?


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## Lilly_Louise (Mar 1, 2013)

The question should be, can you handle it if she does come back and does the same thing again? my hat goes off to you for wanting to try but if this is what you want then you have to give her time and space. I hate nothing more then seeing my husband going out and having fun without me in his life, and this caused me to act desperate and i went through a stage where i constintly asked him to come back. this could work for you. if she could see whats she is missing, then she is more likly to come back to you. everyone is different though, im just telling you that from a wifes point of view, acting desperate towards her wont work. take a step back, live your life a little and if she comes back great! if she doesnt then at least you've started your life over. Hope it helps :/ i know its a hard time now but with patience and time everything gets better!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> etting to reconciliation
> ________________________________________
> So long story short.
> My wife and I have been married for a year and a half. I know that is not long but our relationship has been alot longer. 3 days after we got married I found she had been visiting chat rooms and flirting with other men. she said she was sorry and it was over. As you all know it wasn't. I have caught her 6 times in the past year and a half and it gets worse each time because she falls in love with someone new and it moves to email and phone calls. She has been sorry and made steps to prevent it every time except this last time. I had been in training for work for a week and when I got home I could tell something was wrong as she was very cold. She went to the store and I checked the computer and sure enough. I asked her about it when she got home and she said that it made her feel happy and she would not stop. things did not change the whole weekend and by monday I told her it had to stop of she needed to leave, so she packed up and left.
> ...



Are you not strong enough to make her accountable? *You need to get yourself a lot stronger. *You have allowed her to walk on you.

In addition, you have enabled her to get out of control. She is very uncommitted and fully responsible for damaging your marriage. Do not fool yourself; this will not get better with just the passing of time. *She needs professional help and you need to quit compromising yourself so much*.

You need to get this problem solved one way or the other before you have children. *If you do not you will be in a hell of a lot more hell in the future.*


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

I wouldnt focus on reconciling because it sounds like she wants the best of both worlds. She thinks its okay to behave this way because YOU are allowing it. I think you need this space away from her to reflect on her terrible behaviour.Focus on yourself!

She shouldnt have married you in the first place if flirting with other men make her happy. 

Your partner has commitment issues and they need to be addressed before she comes back into your life. Otherwise she will carry on flirting online and end up sleeping with someone in the near future.


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