# Update to "Naked Party" threads. Divorce has been filed. Long Story.



## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Here is an update for those of you that have been following my story. Most of it is under the threads entitled – Naked Party 1 & 2. I’ve been absent for a couple of months but the he finally filed for divorce on June 5th after being separated since December of 2013. My last thread was posted on March 24th where I made mention of running into him around town 3 times within a week and the week previous to that he had tried contacting me via text to ask if I’d be willing to talk. A day later I responded with – Why? His response a day later was – You’re right. Why …. When I received my divorce paperwork it was dated March 25th but was served to me June 5th. 

On April 8th, while I was at work, I received a text from him around 9:00 p.m. saying – Talk to me … I didn’t respond. This text was followed up with repeated phone calls which I didn’t answer. He text me again about an hour later so I text him back with – Why? He began texting me telling me about how one of our dogs was sick, suffering, and dying of kidney failure. This dog has been his best friend for 15 years and mine for 5. I couldn’t resist but to respond. He said he had been told by the vet a month earlier that he needed to be put down because he was suffering and had lost a significant amount of weight but he couldn’t bring himself to put him down because he was in denial. He said he had been crying every morning over him. All things aside, I had sympathy for him. I told him that I knew how it felt and a month earlier I almost lost our other dog to salmon poisoning and had she’d been at the vet for 5 days hooked up to IV’s. I also told him that it was his choice whether or not to put the dog down but he would continue suffering for as long as he could for him and that wasn’t fair. Although I didn’t want to do it, I offered to take him in to be put down. He then proceeded to offer me money to cover any vet bills I had to pay off. I told him I was fine and that I had it covered. He said he loved me and our dog and he just wanted to help financially. Again, I denied any help. I told him that although I was saddened to hear about Sid and that I sympathized with what he was going through I had nothing further to discuss with him and that he wasn’t allowed just to come and go in my life as he pleased. He became really defensive but that when on to tell me that he wanted just one opportunity to talk to me because he had a resolution to offer. He said that he had been going to a therapist for the last couple months and that had come to realize that he had many issues that would take a lot of work to overcome and that the fault of the marriage fell on his shoulders and I had done nothing wrong. In order for him to move on and become a better person he needed to apologize to me for what he had done. I was very surprised to read this but skeptical also. I responded and said that I respected him for going to therapy and that the apology meant it lot. At the time it did. The way that he ended the marriage was devastating. 

The texting between us went on for about an hour. He kept trying to talk me into giving him the opportunity to apologize in person because, after all, we were still husband and wife. He mentioned how he played in a golf tournament and had an encounter will my Uncle who completely blew him off and he was upset about it. My uncle has seen him twice in 5 years. In all honesty, I don’t think my Uncle recognized him. He said that my Uncle was on a golf team with his buddy, Fidel, and Fidel and everyone else at the golf course acted like he hung the moon while my Uncle time ignored him. He said he wanted to put a knot on his forehead. Red Flag. I found this part of the texting comical because his friend, Fidel, was the first of his friends to get my number shortly after we were separated. He had asked me out on numerous dates but I was very turned off considering he was going behind his friends back to date his soon to be ex-wife. He also mentioned sex. He said that our sex was the best he’d ever had and that he hadn’t been with anyone since our separation. He said that we could have sex as much as we wanted because we were still “husband and wife.” That is when I brought up the other woman which I had never done before. I told him I’d seen the text between the two of them and knew of him spending time with her before I had moved out of the home. He said that they had been friends since high school and had always joked around about having sex but had never gone there. I than asked him why the condoms were missing from the bathroom cabinet around that time. All texting between us ceased for the night. He didn’t answer my question until the next day around noon. He told me that the missing condoms were still in his truck and he could prove it. I told him that it didn’t matter whether they were still there or not. It still showed that he had intent on sleeping with someone else. That was the end of our communication.

Around 9:00 p.m. a couple days later, I began receiving repeated calls from him. I was working on a paper for school and didn’t want to talk to him. He finally text me to tell me he had put our dog down and had taken him to the crematory. He was devastated. I was, too. Everything aside, I asked if there was anything I could do. He asked if I would come over. Everything in me wanted to say no but I did. That dog was like a member of the family. I arrived and gave him a hug and we talked in the garage for a couple hours. We talked about our dog and anything to avoid the awkwardness looming around about the pending divorce. I didn’t feel that it was the right time to bring up and was there to provide genuine comfort. A friend of mine was moving from California to Florida in the next couple days and I had offered to help her drive across country which is about a 5 day trip. In between this trip and work I was going to be gone about 2 weeks so I made him an offer. I told him that I needed someone to watch Maggie (my/our dog) while I was gone for 2 weeks and if he felt that she would provide comfort during his grieving that I was willing to let him keep her while I was gone. I said he would love to so I dropped her off a couple days later and left for Florida. I text him once while I was gone to check in and he sent me a picture message of her sleeping. 

When I got back into town I text him and made arrangements to pick her up. He was thankful to have had the time with her and said she was a lot of fun. Little conversation went on with no promise of any further conversation taking place and no mention of this resolution he had to offer until a few days later when he text me again. He wanted to know who watched my dog while I was at work and I told him my Mom did. He said he’d be willing to watch her and then invited me over for a BBQ. I told him thank you but how long was he going to ignore the topic of divorce. He told me that he wasn’t strong enough to stay away from me and that I was going to have to be strong enough to tell him to leave me alone. I said that wasn’t the point. I had spoken with a lawyer previously that told me that fastest and easiest way to get a divorce was through a process called a simple divorce in which if both parties were civil enough an agreement between the two could be worked out and submitted with the dissolution paperwork. I asked him if he’d be willing to go this route so it be cheaper and easier on us both. He said to get the paperwork and we could sit down and do it together. This idea was brought up around the end of April. 

Between April and May, plans to meet at a local restaurant where blown off by him at least five times. He would either not respond to my texts or give an excuse as to why he didn’t have the time or money to file yet or he would respond late at night asking me to come over with the paperwork. His transmission went out, his mom’s dog died, he was laid up due to his foot. My patience was wearing thin. In between the excuses, he was inviting me over for BBQ’s, dinner, or swimming, which I politely denied. He also casually mentioned sex even texting me naked pictures of himself here and there. Reminding me of how he was the “sexiest thing” he’d ever seen and how he was so “horny” for me. At one point, I told him that in California a marriage can be annulled if it could be proven someone wasn’t mentally sane at the time of marriage. I asked if he could ask his therapist for a letter stating he wasn’t mentally competent enough to get married at the time so he could submit it to the judge. I’d rather get an annulment than have a divorce on my record. He slipped up and stated that he doubted a therapist that he’d only seen one time would do that for him. All along he had me convinced he had been going to therapy for months. During this time I also got the title to my truck back and the paperwork on my wedding ring. I wanted it so I could sale it which upset him greatly. After looking through the paperwork I found out that the ring he always claimed to pay a certain amount of money for wasn’t the original ring I had picked out. He switched diamonds for a much cheaper one. When I confronted him about it he lied to my face after I had already verified the truth with the jeweler. The cost wasn’t a big deal to me. I would have been happy with a gumball machine ring. It was the fact that he felt he had to lie to me and switch out I picked out for something cheaper. All this after it took a year after we were married to finally receive the ring. 

The day finally came where we met up at a local restaurant to get the agreement worked out. We met around 8:00 p.m. and ate dinner while we talked about casual things. He brought up the golfing incident with my Uncle and mentioned his friend, Fidel. I told him about how Fidel offered me “support” through the first couple months of our separation. I never once talked to Fidel on the phone or in person. Just via text and Facebook. He felt very angry and betrayed and said he never trust anyone again because he’d always think they were secretly out to “**** his ex-wife.” LOL. When it came down to the discussing the agreement he said, “Well what if I don’t want to do the agreement.” I wondered what he meant. He said, “Well maybe I don’t want to get a divorce. I want to keep you around for a while.” I wasn’t interested and asked why he had to make everything so difficult. The agreement had to be notarized as well. I recently bought some property in Nevada during our separation. In California, anything purchased during separation is not considered marital property. I had plans on building a home on it. He found out about this and said that I might need help building and caring for the home because I didn’t know how and that because he still considered me “his.” I said I didn’t need the help and until I was legally free from him I wasn’t pursuing the building. He said but you are FREE. I finally made him a deal that he’d be stupid to refuse. I told him that if I could trust he wouldn’t screw me and he agreed to file and pay for the divorce, as originally planned, that I would default on it. He could have everything we acquired during marriage and anything I was entitled, too. He said he had no intention on screwing me. I told him I needed a date from him when he planned to file. He reluctantly gave me the date of May 28th. He said he’d have the money by then. I told him that I didn’t want to be married to someone that didn’t want to be married and that I didn’t want to be married anymore. I was over it. He became very upset and blamed his mental issues for the demise of the marriage. 

In between days of him filing for divorce I received several invites from him to come over for a BBQ or come lay by the pool with him. Very odd behavior for someone planning on filing for divorce. I politely declined. May 28th rolled around and I didn’t hear anything from him nor the next few days. I was starting to become frustrated and angry. I wanted to avoid stress and frustration. I wanted this divorce to remain civil even after all he did to me but I began to feel he was screwing with me. I finally text him and said I get the finally you keep putting off the filing because you want me to file and pay for it. That wasn’t the deal. The deal was he gave me a stress free divorce and he got to walk away with everything. He text back with – No baby. I had passed his Mom coming from the direction of his house that day so that really fueled that day. As some of you know I want her to burn in hell. I text back and said I saw your Mom coming from the direction of your place today. Why don’t you ask her to help you fill out the divorce paperwork and pay for it? He proceeds to tell me the reason he hadn’t been in touch was because he had an injury and was on crutches although he had texted me pictures of a snake he caught on his patio among other things involving physical mobility. He finally called me and asked what was wrong with me and why was I in such a rush to get a divorce? I said we had agreed on a date and I was ready to move on with my life. I was tired of being lead on. I felt like a dark cloud was hanging over my head. Out of frustration I began crying and told him if he didn’t file I would file in my favor. He asked if I had gone on a binder the night before. LOL. He ended up hanging up on me. 

Later that night I was texting a friend and she asked me to forward the text messages I had saved between my STBXH and the other woman. I accidently forwarded the messages to him. He immediately called me and said he had talked to his friend that had a wife that worked at the court house and he was filing the next day although he wouldn’t be able to pay his mortgage. He also accused me of having a tracking device put on his phone. I told him I was sorry that those messages between the two of them were intended for someone else to read and were obtained from taking pictures of them when I had taken his phone while still in the home which he was aware of. He hung up on me. I turned my phone off only to receive a couple voicemails from him the next day asking if I’d please call him in the morning. Later that night, my brother who works at a local golf course and informed me that a female golf attendant informed my brother that STBXH had been hitting on her. That pissed me off because it just reinforced what a snake he was. 

As soon as I got done listening to the voicemails that morning he called me. I answered the phone. He said he had all the paperwork in the truck and ready to go. He said that he spent 2 hours in his leather chair that night thinking about our marriage and decided he wanted the divorce because he didn’t wanted to be treated like **** for the rest of his life. I reminded him of his “resolution.” I said, “Wait a minute. Didn’t you say you had been seeing a therapist and it was ruled out that it was you that ruined the marriage, treated me like ****, and it was you who was at fault for the demise of the marriage?” He said he was still seeing the therapist and that I was crazy. I threw some things here and there including the female golf attendant. He said I was crazy and he was going to put a target on my brothers back and have him beat up. I told him not to make threats towards my family. He said he was going to get a lawyer and everything about me would come up in court. He is the one that would suffer if this divorce went to court. He said not to “**** with him” because he’s been playing this game for a long time and I’m not experience enough to win and began to laugh. He hung up and then sent me a message saying that he was headed to the court house and asked if I could handle this like an adult. I didn’t respond. About 30 minutes later he texted asking for my address. I gave it to him. He said his friend down the street from me would be by to serve me. I got out some paperwork I took from his file cabinet before I left the house. This paperwork was proof of some documents he had forged while working for PG&E before we were married. I took of the documents out. When his friend arrived I opened the door with the paperwork in hand. He said he was sorry and that serving me was awkward. I told him it was ok and he handed me the divorce paperwork. I than handed him my paperwork and said give this to Jeff. That was my way of telling him that if he wanted to continue on with his nonsense he would lose everything. 

I looked through the divorce paperwork. He checked off the box that said he and I had no assets, debts, or marital property together which is a lie. I’m assuming he was confident enough to file thinking I would default. I thought about for a few days and gave myself some time to cool off. I have decided to default which means I won’t be responding to the summons. It isn’t worth it to me to see his face again or continue on with this stressful battle. It really isn’t. Some friends and family have urged me to take him for everything he has got because of all he has put me through but I’m passed that point. I want this over with as quickly as possible. I sent him one last text and said that I had gone over the paperwork and chose to default. He won. I said that although it was hurtful that he never recognized all my efforts I wished him luck in whatever it was he chose to do in life. I also asked that he, his Mom, and friends keep all negativity they may have out of the lives of me and my family. I ended it with telling him I was changing my number and any further communication between us could be through the courts. 

I’ve heard many people say that after the divorce is filed they wished they had done it sooner because they feel a sense of relief. I would have to agree. I wish this was done sooner. I wish that I would have remained NO CONTACT has had for the first few months as well. A part of me wishes to believe that his original intent in contacting me again was because he felt genuine remorse for what he had done and truly meant to apologize. Looking back and seeing that he originally filled out the paperwork in March 25th and finally filed on June 5th I think the intentions behind the apology where for leverage in the divorce and selfish reasons. I do believe he has the type of personality to pay a therapist for some new tools to use on me to get himself out of the hole he dug. It worked for a minute but with the way that this ended I think the apology was to fuel his bruised ego. He said he burned every day for what he did to me. I think he burned thinking a lot of people around him thought he was a jackass. Although I was one of those that have always been adamant about never getting a divorce I pushed for it in the end. I believe I had a chance to reconcile with him but never pushed the issue although I believe he opened the door for me to do so. I just couldn’t envision myself going back to that again, putting in the effort to making it work, and then having me dropping the divorce bomb on me again. I spent the first three months of our separation crying and thinking. This has been a terrible experience. I wasn’t about to put myself in the position to possibly do it again. Why work on a marriage that I didn’t destroy?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You made the right decision in not attempting reconciliation. It would never have worked. He is a mixed up narcissist. Good riddance.

You plan to move to a new area, Nevada. Do you have friends or family there?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

ICLH,

You really are amazing. You are so strong. You have integrity and a backbone. 

I admire you and how you handled all this. 

All I can say is....you will be better off and you are worthy of much better. 

Be well and make happiness.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I recall your posts from last year. He was not a H, he was an 

albatross. He throws out his "watermelon con" thinking no one is 

aware. I had a relative who was a con man. I think your H is 

related to him. Glad to see you are moving forward


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

LongWalk - I have some friends and family in Nevada. My plan is to move to Reno for work. I got a steal on some property that is located within in a private community about 40 minutes from Reno. I'm going to build a self-sustainable home on it. I needed a project to keep my busy and I found. Plus, Reno is only about 3 hours away from the rest of my family so I won't be too far away but far enough. Looking forward to a new start in a couple months.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Straw bales or adobe?


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am truly sorry for your heartache. I went through a divorce and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. For the life of me I don't know why people go through all the work of dating, getting to know someone, getting married, and then not putting in the equal amount of work necessary to maintain that marriage. People who do not understand that the grass is not "greener" on the other side of the fence, and that the heart of selfishness is actually self-destruction, are heading for a hard lesson. I hope you recover and heal quickly and find true joy moving forward. The Father of our souls loves you infinitely!


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Straw bales or adobe?


LOL. A mixture of both and possibly some cob. 

Recently I've become fascinated by "tiny homes" and may go that route but still make it sustainable. 

If you ever have the time go to Earthship.com. That website intrigued me first but there are some drawbacks to the structures in the long run and the homes only last about 40 years.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

So do any of you disagree with me choosing to default on the divorce? It is the fastest way to get him out of my life and move on. I am entitled to 10% of all profits made on a 4.5 million dollar property that was willed over to my STBXH, his brothers, and their wives. This property has been held onto for years because the market in California has been bad. The lawyer I talked to told me to go for it and how to do it. Am I crazy to let it go?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

What I'm concerned with is the fact that you bought property while still married. Nevada might be different but here in California if a person wants to buy property the spouse usually has to sign a Quitclaim Deed relinquishing all the rights, title and interest, especially if the Buyer is getting a loan. The lender will require it. It doesn't matter if there's a separation agreement in place or not. Do you have a signed separation agreement? If the property is being purchased "all cash" then a QC Deed isn't required BUT it will be required upon the sale of the property.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

ICLH said:


> So do any of you disagree with me choosing to default on the divorce? It is the fastest way to get him out of my life and move on. I am entitled to 10% of all profits made on a 4.5 million dollar property that was willed over to my STBXH, his brothers, and their wives. This property has been held onto for years because the market in California has been bad. The lawyer I talked to told me to go for it and how to do it. Am I crazy to let it go?


Go for it. It will help pay for your new start post D.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

ICLH said:


> So do any of you disagree with me choosing to default on the divorce? It is the fastest way to get him out of my life and move on. I am entitled to 10% of all profits made on a 4.5 million dollar property that was willed over to my STBXH, his brothers, and their wives. This property has been held onto for years because the market in California has been bad. The lawyer I talked to told me to go for it and how to do it. Am I crazy to let it go?


I'd go for it if I were you. I just moved to Sacramento (stationed at Travis AFB) and if I could--> I would move to Reno.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

The move to Reno is happening next week. The reason I'm not so quick to jump on profits on that property is because it coukd be 20 years before the brothers sell it. It isn't something I'd see for years. I don't want ties to any of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Ties?

You just need to have the legal stuff in order so that they could not cheat you.

Your STBXH cheated you out valuable years of your life and the law in the law. The old dude's will is law. He dug you as granddaughter-in-law.

Also, if your claim is established they may wish to buy you out. So, no need to prolong the connection.

Much of his behavior has probably been motivated to cheat you out of this inheritance. You don't need to leave this relationship, feeling that you were bullied.

Stand up to him.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

people get away with what you let them get away with


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