# I need help



## confused in nc (Feb 19, 2011)

I was looking for advice. I will give you what has happened. I have been married for 17 soon to be 18 doubt we will make that, I have had off and on an emotional affair for two years. My wife confronted me on it the first time and I cut all ties with her because I did not want to loose my family. Well after about 8 months I ran into her at a football game and we started talking again mistake number two (and yes I know that). Well my wife found out again and kicked me out. We seperated for about 11 months then she asked me to move back in i hesitated and did not respond really to moving back in, and no not because I was seeing her again or anything like that I have not seen anyone in the 13 months now we have been seperated. So back to story about two months later I asked to come back and she said yes but you will sleep in the spare room you will help with the bills and the kids you will be like a roomate (that hurts but i deserve it). There is not any sex what so ever she will not undress in front of me or anything. What I am asking really is her letting me back into the house was it for just that or do you feel with her letting me back in that she is hopeing down the road things will work out or am I just being used to help with the house. Thanks for replies in advance.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think there's only one person that can answer that for you...

Unless she's got a plan to go from the starting point to some form of reconciliation, I'd say she just wants you around to help with the house. But this may be a time to work on your communication skills with her and see what she has in mind. Where does SHE see things going? 

And the second time you saw this woman, did you talk again after the football game? If not (it was just random chance thing), what's going to prevent that from happening in the future and everyone being disrupted all over again? If you did talk to the OW again after the game, are YOUR issues resolved enough that you can move back to the house and feel comfortable it's not going to happen again? I think it would be worse to move in again and then have to leave in 6 months or a year than to just stay moved out and work on reconciling while you're not living together. Maybe you should start with dating each other first? Why did you ask if you can move back in?

C


----------

