# Thinking of Leaving for the second time



## kitten (Feb 1, 2009)

I am thinking about leaving my husband again for the second time since 2007. 

I had left my husband in October of 2007 and moved back in with him in December 2008 and I am ready to leave again,

I told him that if he went and got therapy of his anger I would not divorce him.

He did this and I went back to him but he is starting to fall back into his old ways which are:

Putting me and my three children down, and always yelling at us and throwing hitting things such as the walls and his computer desk and slamming the cubbards when he gets angry. he is also putting his time on the computer before our 3 year old son.

What should I do?


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

Ask him how his therapy is going? 

that is something that is ongoing, not just a one year and you are done kind of thing. he needs to continue it if he is not going anymore.


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## kitten (Feb 1, 2009)

He still is going we are going together for marraige counsoling together but he is not going alone anymore and at first it seemed to be working until I moved myself and two out of the three children back into the home. Than he started going back to his old ways


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, going thru some sh*t of my own. 

that is sad that he went back to his old ways, was it just a slip or has he continued? be careful.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

Kitten:

It's good that your husband has gotten some counseling, to help resolve his anger issues AND that you've gotten couples counseling as well. Now here's the difficult part, because I'm currently going through it; Unless your husbands anger & behavior changes, you will NOT have a successful reconciliation when you move back home, after separating again. The "cycle" will only begin again. It would be better if you lived apart awhile, for your and the children's sake then continue in the violent environment, that could be harmful.

If his behaviour doesn't change for the better, then you can make the decision, whether or not to leave permanently.

I wish you the best in your circumstances.


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

This is tough, I've been through this as well (my husband is BiPolar). 
If your husband will not take responsibility for his actions, you have to at least get out of the house, for your childs sake. The LAST thing you need is for your son to see his dad acting like this -- he WILL pick it up. You don't awnt him to think expressing anger this way is acceptable.
Your husband has to continue therapy/classes. Its not "go to a few classes & I'm healed" type of thing. It has to be on-going, for years possibly. This is either a learned behavior or emotions that have built up, either way it won't be fixed overnight, he has to continue treatment.


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## soccerwife (Mar 20, 2009)

I think if you have a safe place to go, maybe you should go there before the situation gets worse. You & your children's saftey is very important no matter what.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

sorry he wont change. ive seen this so many times. its always u that has to stay in the corner to keep the peace. thats not a life, thats a prison sentence in your own home.
it shouldnt b like that.


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## TIME (Mar 2, 2009)

I agree with the majority of the posters in saying you and your children would be safest out of the house. He will need to continue counseling for a VERY long time, possibly always. Maybe he needs a new counselor! They are not all equal, for sure.

Be safe and keep your kids safe. I have seen your situation up close (not me), and it has never been pretty. If it was me, I would run and never look back.


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

You should leave again. If you don't want a divorce then at least separate and for a long while this time.
Anger issues cannot be changed overnight. He should commit to counceling, on-going counceling before you even consider moving back. This needs to be a good councelor who is able to give him tips on how to deal with his anger, and his triggers.
Its not a good idea to have the kids in that situation, do not let him emotionally abuse you or them any longer.


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## Brandywine (May 21, 2009)

I feel for you I am in a similar situation and the angry is terrible. Everyone is always walking on eggshells. This no way to live. Get help Go to church. Talk to someone.Maybe he has demons that are deep and he needs to get them out. Pray for him. He is not doing drugs? he is not cheating on you? try for your children. Get god to help you both put him in gods hands. Make sure your children are not in danger.


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