# I finally found out the truth of my wifes infidelity....Help



## PVman (Dec 16, 2015)

Hi there, I am new here and I just wanted to share my story so that maybe I could get some insight on what to do, and how to feel at this time. 
I will try to condense this as much as I can because it is a long story. I have been married to my wife for 5-1/2 years now but we have been together for 10years total. It all started about 3 years ago. I work long hours and am frequently away from home for days on end for work. My wife had a new job which she got a ton of new attention from the men there that she had never got before. This excited her and she even told me about how everybody hits on her, well most of the member golfers there. (for the record she was a beverage cart lady at a golf course). Anyway, one night she comes home, and I am already off work, and she is in a panic attack and she has never had one before. Long story short, I got it out of her that she had cheated on me with one of the member golfers there at her club, (who was also married). But all I got out of her was that she had only kissed and maid out with the guy. I was stunned, and didn't know what to do or think. She assured me that's all they did, nothing else physical at all. And that it would never, ever happen again! she was so sorry, crying and everything. I accepted it, and I eventually delt with it over time, it was tough but 
I got through it, forgiving her and moving on with my life, because it was just a kiss right? Fast forward two years later....through the course of seeing a couple risqué text messages on her phone to the guy she cheated on me with, I decided to confront her and ask her if that's all they did was just "kiss" that night. After a big fight, long drawn out battle I eventually got it out of her that she also performed oral sex on him that night!!!!!! Mind you, that this was two freaking years later that she finally told me this!!!! I was horribly devastated and she was panicking again and swearing to me that she never told me because she didn't want to "hurt" me. Another long story short. I decided to forgive her again because I loved her dearly and didn't know what else to do at the time. So....Fast forward about 6 months after that. Now I had been suspicious this whole time because of what happened before and so I decided to look at her phone one night when she was sleeping (luckily I know all her passwords so it was easy). I found out a lot of crap that she had been hiding. So many texts and Emails to this guy over the course of 3 years or so a lot of naked pictures back and forth and one particular email eluding to the fact that they actually had sex and he was reminiscing about it to her. When I saw this I woke her A#% up in the middle of the night to confront her about it. she freaked out and we had another explosion, fight. Then she admitted to me that they had sex the first time that she told me but withheld that part of it from me because she was so devastated that she did not want to hurt me. Again, I was screwed up and I was so furious that she did not tell me the first time, that she lied and only said she kissed him. So after that whole thing, a couple weeks went by and I had been dealing with this crap, not very well, and so I decided to confront her again because I still was not convinced that she was not being truthful to me about everything. So, I asked her if she had told me absolutely everything. And of coarse I got it out of her that about a year ago she had had another slip up with this same guy and gave him oral sex in his truck, and he returned the favor and did the same for her!!! That was about it! I was so mad that I almost passed out and I told her I was leaving and she begged and begged and I ended up not leaving her. I know, I know, most people will say that im freaking stupid for not leaving her but I love her and I want to make it work. What most of you don't know is the dynamics of everything that goes into our relationship that I cannot possibly explain on here. She is a very good woman and actually has a great heart. She says she got seduced by this guy and it was such a thrill that she got addicted, and she admitted it to me. She knows now that im serious and will leave her at the drop of a hat if I find even one more text to this guy. The problem is I feel that it is partly my fault as I understand how she feels somewhat. I was kind of unfaithful before we got married but all I did was make out with a girl at my bachelor party, of all places, and she took it really hard, I mean she almost put off the wedding! But that's all I did, I learned my lesson and would not have been able to get married if I had gone as far as her, and had sex with this woman! So I really think that's why I have given her so many chances but damn, enough is freaking enough! and I am so hurt that I cannot get the images of her having sex with another man out of my head its literally tearing me apart. And what I would like to know is, are there any of you out there with a similar story that you were able to re-build your marriage? and if so, how were you even possibly able to do so? because right now I don't know how i'm going to get this out of my head and I probably need counseling im sure. But any help would be appreciated, 

Thank you for reading.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

She has been cheating on you for the past three years. Don't rugsweep this affair. How old are you and how old is your wife? Do you have any children?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

PVman said:


> She says she got seduced by this guy and it was such a thrill that she got addicted, and she admitted it to me.


:rofl: PV my man, sounds like you married a chick who believe in this world, you're either a loyal wife to your husband or you enjoy yourself.


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## Borntohang (Sep 4, 2014)

Let me get this straight. She admitted to giving this guy oral, she's been sending him naked pictures, he's a member of the golf club she works at, you travel (gone day's at a time), it started 3 years ago, and you don't think they've been having sex? Ummm....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She told you she kissed him, you knew it was more but took her back. Then you found out that she had oral sex with him (yawn), you took her back. Now she's telling you they had another event and went back to the old stand-by, it was just oral sex. Surely you don't believe that SH** and know they've been having sex for a while now.

You think she is so wonderful because you have placed her on a pedestal, and now you've convinced yourself this was your fault.

Only question is, how much longer and how much more does she need to do in order for you to see your wife as a cheating, attention-starved, liar. If you need to hear her having sex with the guy before you've had enough, put a VAR under her car seat.

I'm very sorry, but the only thing to do is to send her packing. Or, settle for a cheating wife that lies a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

PVman said:


> And what I would like to know is, are there any of you out there with a similar story that you were able to re-build your marriage? and if so, how were you even possibly able to do so? because right now I don't know how i'm going to get this out of my head and I probably need counseling im sure. But any help would be appreciated,


Yes, there are many similar stories. Go to the Coping with Infidelity section and start reading. You'll see a lot of this there. You'll also find a lot of advice and will be able to see where it gets people. If you get your post count up enough, you can move this to the private section and read threads in there that you cannot otherwise see. The threads on infidelity in the private members section are the most comprehensive and helpful.

Most of the people that post on this forum have experienced infidelity.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

*Your wife has a good heart but she is very WEAK!*



> By PVman
> The problem is I feel that it is partly my fault as I understand how she feels somewhat. I was kind of unfaithful before we got married but all I did was make out with a girl at my bachelor party, of all places, and she took it really hard, I mean she almost put off the wedding! But that's all I did



If that is all you did then do not fall for the guilt game because you did not make your wife betray you. Even if you worked too much and did not pay a lot of attention to her that is not a good excuse for her actions. Your wife has damaged your emotions and her own.


What you should do is to protect yourself. First you divorce her, give her a chance to R, and then let her prove to you for years that she is going to address her problem of lack of commitment, loyalty, and moral fortitude. Do not do this with revenge and vengeance in your heart but this is to protect you and give her a chance to *PROVE WITH ACTIONS FOR A LONG TIME that she will greatly improve her weakness and loyalty.* This cannot be fixed in a matter of months.

*
Every man wants a wife that will give him 100% so then if your wife will not give you 100% now; the chances are that she never will*.

Your wife is weaker now that she was before she betrayed you and you are emotionally damaged and cannot be a lot of help to her. In fact you are limited in what you can do to help her; she has to deal with this internally and aggressively. She needs to get all the right helps as soon as she can but you cannot play a big role in her getting her fixed. *This is kind of like being overweight and going on a diet; it is mostly up to her.*

You need to have her tested to see if she is going to devastate your emotions. You need to allow her consequences to take place so that she will be tested and possibly motivated to do some very tough changing. That will take a lot of work for a long time. Your wife did not have a one night stand but she betrayed and lied to you over and over for a long time.

Without her diligently taking strong action, the chances of your wife betraying you again are higher than her staying loyal to you. You do not have to take the strong actions but then you will have to compromise a lot more and settle for a lot less than you want.

You need to spend your energy getting yourself built back up. *You can help your wife more when you are a lot stronger than you are right now. *Your emotions will control you until you get stronger so go on a rampage to get yourself built up.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

PVman said:


> Hi there, I am new here and I just wanted to share my story so that maybe I could get some insight on what to do, and how to feel at this time.
> I will try to condense this as much as I can because it is a long story. I have been married to my wife for 5-1/2 years now but we have been together for 10years total. It all started about 3 years ago. I work long hours and am frequently away from home for days on end for work. My wife had a new job which she got a ton of new attention from the men there that she had never got before. This excited her and she even told me about how everybody hits on her, well most of the member golfers there. (for the record she was a beverage cart lady at a golf course). Anyway, one night she comes home, and I am already off work, and she is in a panic attack and she has never had one before. Long story short, I got it out of her that she had cheated on me with one of the member golfers there at her club, (who was also married). But all I got out of her was that she had only kissed and maid out with the guy. I was stunned, and didn't know what to do or think. She assured me that's all they did, nothing else physical at all. And that it would never, ever happen again! she was so sorry, crying and everything. I accepted it, and I eventually delt with it over time, it was tough but
> I got through it, forgiving her and moving on with my life, because it was just a kiss right? Fast forward two years later....through the course of seeing a couple risqué text messages on her phone to the guy she cheated on me with, I decided to confront her and ask her if that's all they did was just "kiss" that night. After a big fight, long drawn out battle I eventually got it out of her that she also performed oral sex on him that night!!!!!! Mind you, that this was two freaking years later that she finally told me this!!!! I was horribly devastated and she was panicking again and swearing to me that she never told me because she didn't want to "hurt" me. Another long story short. I decided to forgive her again because I loved her dearly and didn't know what else to do at the time. So....Fast forward about 6 months after that. Now I had been suspicious this whole time because of what happened before and so I decided to look at her phone one night when she was sleeping (luckily I know all her passwords so it was easy). I found out a lot of crap that she had been hiding. So many texts and Emails to this guy over the course of 3 years or so a lot of naked pictures back and forth and one particular email eluding to the fact that they actually had sex and he was reminiscing about it to her. When I saw this I woke her A#% up in the middle of the night to confront her about it. she freaked out and we had another explosion, fight. Then she admitted to me that they had sex the first time that she told me but withheld that part of it from me because she was so devastated that she did not want to hurt me. Again, I was screwed up and I was so furious that she did not tell me the first time, that she lied and only said she kissed him. So after that whole thing, a couple weeks went by and I had been dealing with this crap, not very well, and so I decided to confront her again because I still was not convinced that she was not being truthful to me about everything. So, I asked her if she had told me absolutely everything. And of coarse I got it out of her that about a year ago she had had another slip up with this same guy and gave him oral sex in his truck, and he returned the favor and did the same for her!!! That was about it! I was so mad that I almost passed out and I told her I was leaving and she begged and begged and I ended up not leaving her. I know, I know, most people will say that im freaking stupid for not leaving her but I love her and I want to make it work. What most of you don't know is the dynamics of everything that goes into our relationship that I cannot possibly explain on here. She is a very good woman and actually has a great heart. She says she got seduced by this guy and it was such a thrill that she got addicted, and she admitted it to me. She knows now that im serious and will leave her at the drop of a hat if I find even one more text to this guy. The problem is I feel that it is partly my fault as I understand how she feels somewhat. I was kind of unfaithful before we got married but all I did was make out with a girl at my bachelor party, of all places, and she took it really hard, I mean she almost put off the wedding! But that's all I did, I learned my lesson and would not have been able to get married if I had gone as far as her, and had sex with this woman! So I really think that's why I have given her so many chances but damn, enough is freaking enough! and I am so hurt that I cannot get the images of her having sex with another man out of my head its literally tearing me apart. And what I would like to know is, are there any of you out there with a similar story that you were able to re-build your marriage? and if so, how were you even possibly able to do so? because right now I don't know how i'm going to get this out of my head and I probably need counseling im sure. But any help would be appreciated,
> 
> Thank you for reading.


Blah blah blah blah blah

The dynamics of your "special" and "unique" relationship that you THINK you have w/ your "sweet, good-hearted, blah blah blah blah blah" wife are irrelevant. Want to know how I know that? _Because *NONE OF IT* kept her from f*cking this guy for the past 3 years, much less lying to you about it the entire time._

AND YOU'VE ALLOWED IT TO CONTINUE.

You catch her in an affair w/ some dude from the country club... do you demand that she cut contact and quit her job? Nope.

You find out years later that she's STILL involved w/ the guy... do you demand that she cut contact and quit her job? Nope.

And now you've discovered -- YET AGAIN -- that she's still involved w/ this guy. Have you demanded that she cut contact and quit her job yet? If not, _when does that happen?!?_

And let me guess... you've not exposed the affair to this guy's wife, right?

Sorry, but I don't see how any self-respecting person could continue in this marriage, especially given all of the rugsweeping that you've been doing since D-Day #1.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

First off let me tell you how sorry that you're here. Second thing is be glad you're here, because the way you've been handling your wife's affair you will soon be checking yourself into a nut ward. The title of this thread: found out the truth of my wife's infidelity help. I don't think that's true. found out about the affair but two years ago and you told her to stop. well you found out later she didn't. Then you rugsweap the the affair. she continued on the whole time by the way.! You don't believe that right. maybe someday you will find out the whole truth, but the way you've been handling this so far I doubt it. Do yourself a favor and listen to what these good people have to say.! and do your best follow their suggestions, you'll soon find out everyone here is been through the same hell you are going through right now. If you're not OK with sharing your wif if you're not OK with sharing your wife with other men put a stop to it now .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Did your wife write the cheaters handbook? 

Let her go. She is not marriage material. Work on yourself, heal, and try to believe there ARE women in the world that are marriage material.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Dude, kissing is physical. Oral sex is sex. Sex is sex. Whether your wife bones some guy once or fifty times, she's still a cheater. What's the point of all this confronting? These aren't slip-ups, but deliberate choices your wife repeatedly made. The choice to hide her cheating wasn't to keep from hurting you. If that was her goal, another man's penis wouldn't have been inside her..repeatedly. Presumably, before she blew the dude she realized it would be harmful to her marriage with you and blow away, she did. Before she had sex with the guy, she knew it would hurt you and be harmful (if not fatal) to her marriage and she proceeded anyway. Yes, I have a similar story. In an earlier marriage, found out my wife cheated. I was torn apart but listened to her tearful apology and heard her swear it would never happen again. I forgave her, it happened again, and I sent her to the curb. She's been in at least four serious relationships since then and cheated on all those men, too. That's just who and what she is. Better them than me. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She's not a "good woman" and she doesn't have a "great heart". She's just another serially unfaithful spouse. She has proven repeatedly what little regard she has for you and for the marriage.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

The sex interest you might have been influential towards causing.... but the 3 years of lying about it - that's the bad bit and entirely on her. It would have been bad (and guilt) if she just failed to admit it, and broke it off willingly after a short time (eg under a month) but that is entirely not the case.

addicted etc - much of that is excuses. she is hardly a child that is unaware of what she _continued_ to choose to participate in.

Sad thing is, that if she has allowed it to go this long it is likely to happen again in the future, or she might get fidgety/bored or just decide to seek her excitement/fun elsewhere and leave you.

The 100% thing you have to do is reduce your financial and asset and gift exposure, just to protect yourself somewhat. So no more big loans or joint credit cards, or rolling credit debt into mortgages etc.
Start building your own health and interests. 

And yeah pop over to the infidelity section, read many of the replies the regulars are giving and why.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry you are here.

What you do now is contact this guy wife, and expose his a##.
Then you expose her to the family.

This woman has been screwing this guy for 3 years man.
She told you she is addicted to him.

You need to D her my man.
There's NOTHING here to save.

She has played you for a fool for 3 years.

Oh, secure those emails and texts.
Make copies.

You can bet she has told him you know, but think it was only 3 times.
I'm willing to bet, this guy has been in your bed.

If you want the truth, tell her you want a polygraph before you even think of staying with her.
Then start checking the history on the computer, to see if she trying to learn how to beat it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Any married or single, committed woman, who openly shares her vaginal canal with some other dude, other than her gynecologist, and then for professional purposes only, is a bonafide cheater! Any woman who professes either their holy or civil matrimonial vows to you, pledging "to love, honor, and cherish" only you, "forsaking all others, from this day forward, for as long as you both shall live," and then allows another man to place his face down into her pelvic area or lustily places her own face in that reciprocal area of his, is nothing more than a cheater! Any woman who wantonly gives face and tongue to some guy other than her husband is a cheater!

Having said that, what she has done against you is totally indefensible! Given that, you should have given her the proverbial air the very first time she admitted or you discovered any form of her prior wrongdoing! You not only continued to condone her activities with this guy, but you likely shared her with him, either knowingly or unknowingly! And you know exactly who this lout is and you're still giving him a free ride with absolutely no responsibility for his lurid actions whatsoever?

You know just enough of the truth, to make a rational decision for yourself regarding your future with such a cheating skank! You need to be in a lawyers office preparing to have her served with divorce papers! Like yesterday!

You've been "trickled-truthed " and "iceberged " long enough!

You deserve far better out of life rather than to have the wool pulled over your eyes and her masterfully using you as her proverbial "Plan B!" 

Lose her immediately! And I really couldn't blame you in being just as sneaky in losing her as she was in cheating on you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, if you're stuck on staying married, step 1. is her quitting that job.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What happened to your dignity, self respect, and common sense? This woman has been banging this guy for 3 years and has no respect for you. For her to tell you she's "addicted to him" is such a dis. You're just the beta dude paying the bills while this douche gets her best. 

You're sadly mistaken, if you think you have the truth. WWs don't have sex a handful of times over a 3 year period. Read the threads. If she's openly admitting that she's addicted to him, you know she has been going BUCK WILD. 

These woman do EVERYTHING for their POS. I don't know how many threads I've read on TAM, SI, LS, and elsewhere of wives enthusiastically performing acts that husband practically begged for but was always turned down. How many times where you kissing her lips that earlier that day were gulping down you know what? 

This is what you want to R with? Cut your losses and dump her ASAP. Pack her bags and drop her off at POS house.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What did you initially do to help her get past your cheating? Did you rugsweep that? I'd bet she didn't get over it and doesn't trust you. 

How did she find out? Did you tell her or did she have to hear it from someone else? Did you lie or fess up?

Now let's factor in that you're gone a lot, which is terrible for the marital bond. Can't have a marriage if you're gone all the time. 

Finally, your wife is an attention wh0re. She's not the only woman who gets male attention at work, and if that's all it takes for her to give it up she's not marriage material. Sorry. 

And for your next marriage you should probably skip through bachelor party since you can't control yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

You are probably still not getting the whole truth and you may never get the whole truth.
ask her to take a polygraph test and see what she says.

does she still work there?

you know, she has to quit if you are going to stay married to her


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## PVman (Dec 16, 2015)

Thank you all for the quick responses, wow I did not know that this would generate so many responses. I am taking every response into account. I really like the polygraph Idea, and probably will try that. I understand what everybody has said. I want to get some professional counseling for myself on this, I think that would really help me, and im sure they will say the same and get a divorce....so that may happen. She has given me complete access to her phone, emails, social media, and yes she is not at this job anymore so she does not see the guy ever anymore. She has completely opened up about everything which is great and has helped the progress of things. I have not seen her be so sincere about never doing it again, she has gone back to church, which is amazing, and is really trying hard to work on our marriage. 

Im at work right now on break so I cant talk much more about things but to those of you who asked me about my cheating at the beginning of our marriage, yes I told her about two days later. I couldn't live with myself without telling her, but that's just how I am. I learned my lesson back then and it scarred me for so long because I am really a good person and value my personal character and I couldn't believe that I could do something like that but we are all human and life is about learning and growing....so that's where we are at for now. Thank you all for your replies 

Talk to you all later.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

So she cries, begs, and promises to be faithful, then proceeds to send dirty texts and naked pictures for the next three years with a little trickle truth thrown in.

You don't mention children, so run, don't walk, out the door.

Her addiction to other men shows her basic concept of morality. It is part of who she is. She may act differently for a time, but she will never change totally.

You should move on. There is only heart break and possible STDs in a future with her.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

PVman said:


> Thank you all for the quick responses, wow I did not know that this would generate so many responses. I am taking every response into account. I really like the polygraph Idea, and probably will try that. I understand what everybody has said. I want to get some professional counseling for myself on this, I think that would really help me, and im sure they will say the same and get a divorce....so that may happen. She has given me complete access to her phone, emails, social media, and yes she is not at this job anymore so she does not see the guy ever anymore. She has completely opened up about everything which is great and has helped the progress of things. I have not seen her be so sincere about never doing it again, she has gone back to church, which is amazing, and is really trying hard to work on our marriage.
> 
> Im at work right now on break so I cant talk much more about things but to those of you who asked me about my cheating at the beginning of our marriage, yes I told her about two days later. I couldn't live with myself without telling her, but that's just how I am. I learned my lesson back then and it scarred me for so long because I am really a good person and value my personal character and I couldn't believe that I could do something like that but we are all human and life is about learning and growing....so that's where we are at for now. Thank you all for your replies
> 
> Talk to you all later.


Has she admitted to more sex than what you have posted here?

If not, follow through with the polygraph.

Do not make a decision to stay in the marriage too early. Find out the entire truth.

Have her write down the time line of details about the affair. Where it started, where they went to have sex, what they did together and where.

Have her write a letter of apology to OMs wife and you deliver it.

If she fights you on any of this - the marriage is over.

You have not gotten over the shock yet. Way too early to commit to R.

Get yourself into IC to help you deal with this.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what rules have you put in place? Does she now have a GPS on her phone and in her car so you can track where she is?
Did she find a counselor for the two of you to go to? 
Did she write a No Contact letter for you to send to the OM? 
Did she agree to a postnup agreement stating that if you catch her cheating again, she walks away from the marriage with no financial assets?
Did she agree to the polygraph?
Does she hand over her electronics any time you ask?
Has she gone to her parents and told them what she did to you?

If she's not doing these things, you have a problem.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

I'll make it easy for you, this is the list that you need to give her and include every step along the way. You can and should complete these within the next 24 hours because this is extremely time sensitive. 

*The prelude*

Before you give her this list:
1. Purchase "Dr Fone" Software
2. Speak with a lawyer. Your goals here will be twofold:
a. understand what financial moves you need to protect yourself
b. have divorce papers drawn up. MOST PEOPLE STALL HERE, YOU NEED TO DO THIS. IMMEDIATE CONSEQUENCES. You do not need to go with this, but she needs to effectively be slapped in the face with consequences and this is THE ONLY TOOL THAT YOU HAVE AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
3. Purchase a VAR and put it into her car. WHEN (not if) she breaks No Contact, it will be done in her car.
4. Schedule a Polygraph for one week out.

*The letter*

These are my requirements for me to stay in this marriage. There has been an astonishing lack of honesty since I discovered this, and it will not continue. I am doing this because you have forced me to. 

None of these are optional steps

1. I need a complete written timeline of the affair. It needs to be honest, precise and down to the last detail. This is the only time that I will be asking you for this information, you have one shot. I need this within 48 hours.
2. I need possession of your mobile phone immediately. I will have it for 48 hours. As you hand it to me you will delete nothing.
3. I need you to, right now, let me know if you have warned your boyfriend that you have been discovered. The truth WILL come out.
4. As of this moment, complete and immediate No Contact. That includes texts, phone calls, work related communication, winks, sighs or hand gestures. I WILL find out if this is broken. If you cannot guarantee me that 
5. I need passwords to all of your email and social media accounts. If there are any secret ones then now is the time to tell me. 
6. Provide me with all personal information on your boyfriend before this conversation is over.

*Immediately after the letter / discussion*

Take her phone and BE BY YOURSELF. MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT HAVE A DEVICE TO COMMUNICATE WITH. If she has a laptop, computer, smoke signals, home phone then SHUT OFF HOME INTERNET and unplug the phones. DO NOT LET HER RUN OUT FOR AN "ERRAND". She is in "timeout" for a few hours. She can watch TV or read (or work on a timeline). Yes, this is severe, but having your wife **** a boyfriend is more severe.

1. Run Dr Fone recovery software on it. Recover and retain all texts.
2. While this is running (20 minutes) BLOW UP HER BOYFRIENDS LIFE. Call his wife or girlfriend. Provide her with the emails. The conversation should go simply "You do not know me, but your husband/boyfriend has been having an affair with my wife for the past three years. I am sorry to deliver this information. I have a significant amount of documentation which I would be happy to provide to you. My email is <throwaway address>. Her cell phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx"
3. Install tracking software on her phone (plenty of suggestions on Standard Evidence Post)


All of this stuff can be completed in the hour. If you cannot see a lawyer this afternoon then go to Staples and get the Divorce docs, they're like ten bucks and she will not have a freaking clue that they're cheese versions (you will not be using these ones obviously).


*48 hours later*
1. receive the timeline back. Let her know this represents her last chance to come clean and if she's comfortable that she included everything. 
2. After you have the timeline let her know about the upcoming polygraph





THE MOST IMPORTANT PART WITH ALL OF THIS IS THAT YOU CANNOT PLAY "PICK ME!!!". YOU MUST BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY FROM THE MARRIAGE AT ANY POINT. YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW IS *JUST* TO GET OUT OF THE OPEN RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU ARE IN.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

PVman,

As noted, you've made a lot of mistakes in handling this A. Some of those mistakes allowed the A to continue much longer than it would have otherwise. Like me and others here, you found TAM a little too late.

Your wife is determined to trickle truth you and I don't see that changing. Cheater's lie. That's just what they do. You shouldn't expect her to spill anything else unless you show her evidence she can't dispute.

But what you should do; is assume that she has had plenty of sex with him over a 3 year period. Plenty. To think otherwise is just fooling yourself. 

If in assuming that, you still think you want to R with her then that's your choice. But you should take your time to digest what she's done and make no promises to her for a few weeks. Follow the advice you've been given regarding exposure and consequences for her. Continue to monitor her.

You've got a tough road ahead if you stay married to her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Since I have not heard that there are children already in place from your short marital union with her, why on earth would you not want to simply "cut your losses" by divorcing such an immature, blatant, and deceitful cheater; and then moving on in finding yourself a faithful, trusting wife who would truly love you for who you are? 

And one who would never ever even remotely entertain cheating as an option against you?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

PVman said:


> I got through it, forgiving her and moving on with my life, because it was just a kiss right?


Strike one. 



PVman said:


> I decided to forgive her again because I loved her dearly and didn't know what else to do at the time.


Strike two..



PVman said:


> I told her I was leaving and she begged and begged and I ended up not leaving her.


Strike three...



PVman said:


> She knows now that im serious and will leave her at the drop of a hat if I find even one more text to this guy.


Keep telling yourself that. Whatever helps you sleep at night. We all know it's a complete farce.



PVman said:


> I know, I know, most people will say that I'm freaking stupid for not leaving her


I'm definitely in the "most people" camp. Your wife is a liar and she has become very comfortable with it. After three years of lies how can you ever trust her again? YOU CAN'T. A relationship without trust is not a relationship. It's prison and your the warden watching the inmate forever trying to escape.

She is not a "very good woman with a good heart". She's a turd that likes to suck golfer's d!cks. Do you know why cheating is so "addicting"? Because they get off on stabbing their spouses in the back. It's the rush of YOU not knowing that she's fvcking someone else. Nobody stays seduced for three years. She wasn't seduced, she was the aggressor.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

eric1 said:


> I'll make it easy for you, this is the list that you need to give her and include every step along the way. You can and should complete these within the next 24 hours because this is extremely time sensitive.
> 
> *The prelude*
> 
> ...


If you insist on staying married then you need to follow this.

Good advice here.

The one thing it does not say and should come first.

OM's wife needs to know yesterday. *EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE*


Get a da*n divorce if you don't have any kids.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jsmart said:


> What happened to your dignity, self respect, and common sense? This woman has been banging this guy for 3 years and has no respect for you. For her to tell you she's "addicted to him" is such a dis. You're just the beta dude paying the bills while this douche gets her best.
> 
> You're sadly mistaken, if you think you have the truth. WWs don't have sex a handful of times over a 3 year period. Read the threads. If she's openly admitting that she's addicted to him, you know she has been going BUCK WILD.
> 
> ...


I agree with every last word that jsmart said above. And that middle paragraph rings so true for so many stories. It's one of the main reasons I could never reconcile


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> What did you initially do to help her get past your cheating? Did you rugsweep that? I'd bet she didn't get over it and doesn't trust you.
> 
> How did she find out? Did you tell her or did she have to hear it from someone else? Did you lie or fess up?
> 
> ...


really ? What he did was wrong but she still married him knowing what he did. So she forgave and has no justification for her affair PERIOD !!

This is all on her and not on PV.

I will agree that people who cheat at bachelor /ette parties disgust me but it sounds like this guy shaped up his act and has been loyal while she's been whoring around at the golf course. 

Your throwing this on PV to me is lame !!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

PVman said:


> Thank you all for the quick responses, wow I did not know that this would generate so many responses. I am taking every response into account. I really like the polygraph Idea, and probably will try that. I understand what everybody has said. I want to get some professional counseling for myself on this, I think that would really help me, and im sure they will say the same and get a divorce....so that may happen. She has given me complete access to her phone, emails, social media, and yes she is not at this job anymore so she does not see the guy ever anymore. She has completely opened up about everything which is great and has helped the progress of things. I have not seen her be so sincere about never doing it again, she has gone back to church, which is amazing, and is really trying hard to work on our marriage.
> 
> Im at work right now on break so I cant talk much more about things but to those of you who asked me about my cheating at the beginning of our marriage, yes I told her about two days later. I couldn't live with myself without telling her, but that's just how I am. I learned my lesson back then and it scarred me for so long because I am really a good person and value my personal character and I couldn't believe that I could do something like that but we are all human and life is about learning and growing....so that's where we are at for now. Thank you all for your replies
> 
> Talk to you all later.


don't let anyone make you believe that her cheating is justified due to what you did. She forgave it and still married you. if this is driving her cheating or if she feels that she deserves a hall pass, then end the marriage. I still think you need to polygraph and find out the extent of this affair. 

I am glad you learned from your immoral acts years ago. IMO, not a whole lot of people do


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

ButtPunch said:


> If you insist on staying married then you need to follow this.
> 
> Good advice here.
> 
> ...


I agree

Exposure will help keep the affair dead.

he (the OM) will try again


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> really ? What he did was wrong but she still married him knowing what he did. So she forgave and has no justification for her affair PERIOD !!
> 
> This is all on her and not on PV.
> 
> ...


Oh I see, we're not allowed to call him out on his bad behavior. I bet if it had been her who cheated before marriage it would be perfectly ok to demand to know what she had done to make it up to him and to point out how she opened the box. 

I said she's not marriage material. 

I think your refusal to factor in his bad behavior as a contributor to the marriage dynamic is lame. I guess as long as her cheating is worse his doesn't matter, at least in your world. 

Besides, we know he fessed up but we don't know if it was otherwise rugswept.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> don't let anyone make you believe that her cheating is justified due to what you did. She forgave it and still married you. if this is driving her cheating or if she feels that she deserves a hall pass, then end the marriage. I still think you need to polygraph and find out the extent of this affair.
> 
> I am glad you learned from your immoral acts years ago. IMO, not a whole lot of people do


Nobody said she was justified. His cheating was a contributor to the marital dynamic and it's important to understand that. 

If he stays married to her does he give up the right to ever bring this up again? Of vise not, he needs what he needs to heal.

It's good he learned from his mistakes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PVman (Dec 16, 2015)

Thank you all for your replies and recommendations. Im not very big on internet forums and this is my first time posting on the internet. Its been very hard to talk about all this here, so bear with me. I am coming up with a plan of action, it will take some time but everything recommended on here has helped a ton. I feel so much better about what to do now. Im not afraid to end it, and I will take steps to see if that needs to happen. Thank you all for your help, I will be in touch for an update on what im doing. 

Thanks, 
Pvman


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, if you do decide to stay married I think you should consider looking for a job that doesn't take you away so much. You can't have a marriage and build a bond when you're gone all the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

eric1 said:


> I'll make it easy for you, this is the list that you need to give her and include every step along the way. You can and should complete these within the next 24 hours because this is extremely time sensitive.
> 
> *The prelude*
> 
> ...



awesome post Eric


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

It amazes me how every guy who sticks around after catching their wife/girlfriend cheating basically has this exact same story. What a bunch of naive fools we are. 


We all need to grow a pair and drop them like a bad habit the instance we find out about it. It's to easy to convince ourselves to rug sweep it a month or years down the road. 

Move on PV, She's not worth the time it took you to type your post out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> She is a very good woman and actually has a great heart.


So are most porn stars. Doesn't mean they have morals.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Oh I see, we're not allowed to call him out on his bad behavior.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not at his time, no. After they agree to R and counseling, then yes. 

Right now, she needs to do what he needs her to do to stop the bleeding and cauterize the wound. He's in shock and not ready to look at his own mistakes. That is for further down the road. 

One step at a time.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Oh I see, we're not allowed to call him out on his bad behavior. I bet if it had been her who cheated before marriage it would be perfectly ok to demand to know what she had done to make it up to him and to point out how she opened the box.
> 
> I said she's not marriage material.
> 
> ...


Noone said that he can't be called out on his bad behavior. However, she forgave him and married him and moved into a long term affair herself so your bringing it up IMO is in a way blaming him for getting cheated on which I feel is wrong. And please spare me the gender games. All cheats are equally as bad. If roles were reversed and if she cheated on him at a bachelorette party, and he forgave her and married her and conducted a long term affair, I would be all over his arse too. The marital dynamic is also irrelevant because if she felt that strongly about what he did, she wouldn't have gotten married to him and forgave him that close to the wedding

And from now on, stop the gender fingerpointing. I have never defended a cheat here, man or woman. Inferring that I am somehow sexist is way overboard


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

PVman said:


> Thank you all for your replies and recommendations. Im not very big on internet forums and this is my first time posting on the internet. Its been very hard to talk about all this here, so bear with me. I am coming up with a plan of action, it will take some time but everything recommended on here has helped a ton. I feel so much better about what to do now. Im not afraid to end it, and I will take steps to see if that needs to happen. Thank you all for your help, I will be in touch for an update on what im doing.
> 
> Thanks,
> Pvman


With all due respect, none of the actions that you need to do take any time at all. 

Suck it up, hold your breath and get them over with. 

*YOU CANNOT START THE HEALING PROCESS UNTIL YOU'VE NAVIGATED THOSE INITIAL STEPS.*


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> Noone said that he can't be called out on his bad behavior. However, she forgave him and married him and moved into a long term affair herself so your bringing it up IMO is in a way blaming him for getting cheated on which I feel is wrong. And please spare me the gender games. All cheats are equally as bad. If roles were reversed and if she cheated on him at a bachelorette party, and he forgave her and married her and conducted a long term affair, I would be all over his arse too. The marital dynamic is also irrelevant because if she felt that strongly about what he did, she wouldn't have gotten married to him and forgave him that close to the wedding
> 
> And from now on, stop the gender fingerpointing. I have never defended a cheat here, man or woman. Inferring that I am somehow sexist is way overboard


Inferring that I'm somehow blame shifting for asking him about how his bad behavior was dealt with is way overboard so please stop it. I realize that any attempt whatsoever to understand a dynamic that the betrayed spouse might be part of constitutes blame shifting on TAM and causes hyperventilating but it is indeed relevant to form a complete picture of what's going on.

An early affair by her would very much impact the dynamic even if he forgave her and married her anyway.

Please stop projecting, I simply asked him about it. Didn't say he caused anything, didn't say he deserved anything..... simply asked him about it.

I think he should probably end this but if he doesn't want to he needs to be away less. It will allow him to strengthen their bond and frankly keep track of her and to decide how remorseful she is. How's he going to know what she's doing if he's always gone, especially if she gets better at hiding it?.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lets face it. At the golf course the regulars there know that she is pretty much the communal bicycle. Tell her she's pretty and she's shagging you out in back of the cart barn in no time. 

No. The OP needs to divorce her. She is pretty damn disgusting.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Truth @bandit.45

Don't think for a second he isn't bragging to everyone about banging the beverage cart chick.

If I were OP, I'd never set foot inside that club again. It would be humiliations galore.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Lets face it. At the golf course the regulars there know that she is pretty much the communal bicycle. Tell her she's pretty and she's shagging you out in back of the cart barn in no time.
> 
> No. The OP needs to divorce her. She is pretty damn disgusting.


Yes. That's why I said earlier that she's not the only woman getting attention at work so if that's all it takes to get her to put out she's not marriage material.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Mr Blunt said:


> *Your wife has a good heart but she is very WEAK!*


Sounds to me like she has the heart of a cheating lying *****. Nothing good about that.

No kids? Get the hell out.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Inferring that I'm somehow blame shifting for asking him about how his bad behavior was dealt with is way overboard so please stop it. I realize that any attempt whatsoever to understand a dynamic that the betrayed spouse might be part of constitutes blame shifting on TAM and causes hyperventilating but it is indeed relevant to form a complete picture of what's going on.
> 
> An early affair by her would very much impact the dynamic even if he forgave her and married her anyway.
> 
> ...


My problem was when you suggested that I would post a different response if the OP was a woman. That's what I called you on. Nothing in my history suggests a gender bias. You were the first to bring up his cheating on her at the bachelor party. That's why I responded. But enough back and forth. It doesn't help this thread or this OP IMO

I stand by my point that she should have not married him if she carried those feelings forward. But she did and then started her infidelity. This issue that the OP needs help with is completely her fault. You know, the old addage both are responsible for the marital problems though I don't always agree with that assertion. However, one thing I always agree with is that the cheater is responsible for the infidelity and the problems caused by it. 

This guy did a bad thing... yes. She forgave or at least gave that impression when she married him and moved on. he seems to be very remorseful over what he did as well. Now look what she did. 

The ball is in his court on what he wants to do with her and the marriage. She is the guilty party now.

BTW, to find some agreement between us, I completely agree with your last paragraph.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

PVman said:


> But all I got out of her was that she had only kissed and maid out with the guy.





PVman said:


> I eventually got it out of her that she also performed oral sex on him that night!!!!!!





PVman said:


> So many texts and Emails to this guy over the course of 3 years or so a lot of naked pictures back and forth and one particular email eluding to the fact that they actually had sex and he was reminiscing about it to her.





PVman said:


> Then she admitted to me that they had sex the first time





PVman said:


> So, I asked her if she had told me absolutely everything. And of coarse I got it out of her that about a year ago she had had another slip up with this same guy and gave him oral sex in his truck, and he returned the favor and did the same for her!!!





PVman said:


> She says *she got seduced by this guy and it was such a thrill that she got addicted*


 This is a 3 year full blown affair where she has had oral sex with him, has had intercourse with him, and exchanges nude photos with him. The fact is for everything that she has admitted, there is much more that she has not admitted to you. As she has admitted, her sexual relationship with him is "such a thrill that she got addicted" to him. Each time you catch her cheating, you say that you made it clear to her that it must never happen again or you will end the marriage, and each time she tells you she understands and it will stop. Well she keeps calling your bluff that you will leave her, and now the only thing that she understands is that it is only a bluff. She is addicted to him and will not stop until you give her a reason to stop that is more than just empty threats.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Making out with a girl at the bachelor party should not be mentioned. A BJ or sex yes, but making out? Really? But OP is a man of character because he couldn't live with the lie and confessed BEFORE going forward with the wedding. He was forgiven and they supposedly moved on. 

His WW on the other hand carried on a 3 year affair. Coming home dripping from sex and looking at her husband in the eye like nothing happened. Talk about wicked. There is no way OP should R on this. With OP having to travel on business, how many times did she bring POS home?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Making out with a girl at the bachelor party should not be mentioned. A BJ or sex yes, but making out? Really? But OP is a man of character because he couldn't live with the lie and confessed BEFORE going forward with the wedding. He was forgiven and they supposedly moved on.
> 
> His WW on the other hand carried on a 3 year affair. Coming home dripping from sex and looking at her husband in the eye like nothing happened. Talk about wicked. There is no way OP should R on this. With OP having to travel on business, how many times did she bring POS home?


I agree with this Jsmart. Completely. 

There's a big difference in what each of them did. One is petty theft(him) and the other is armed robbery (her). One did his time and the other (her) is still at-large. OP has turned into a man of character. His WW ? A lair a cheat and perhaps my hunch a serial one to boot. 

This guy needs to cut his losses fast and put her in the rear view mirror.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Those cart girls sure are purdy though.

Is that what's keeping you from leaving.

No kids. Run Run Run

Please tell the OM's wife about her sorry husband. Its the right thing to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My two cents worth:

1. What the OP did prior to his marriage seems petty to me. If the truth is he made out with someone and all it involved was kissing then I say end of story. I have been through too much to make much of this. (IMO)

2. What I don't see in the big picture is the truth from her. My BS meter is at full when she said she was seduced. Right out of the cheater's handbook. She is not owning it. She is saying, "He seduced me". Is she saying he carried her to the car, barn, house, hotel, etc. against her will? Is she saying I am just a weak woman and he did everything? The facts are she texted him back, sent pics, etc. She put as much (if not more) effort into this A as he did.

3. I will say that in my case the XOM really did have to do much. My wife picked him up at his work. At times she would drive almost two hours to pick him up. He never once picked up my wife. Your wife seems to be giving you some lame excuse as to how this all started, progressed and ended. Seems like the OM in your case did not have to go out of his way and she made it all very convenient for him.

4. Three years is a long time. Is if over?

5. Many times folks like your wife will take the A underground. They get wiser. They get burner phones, computers, etc.

6. Did you expose this to the OM's wife? I would recommend you do so and you do it without letting your wife know anything about it.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

PVman,

Prepare yourself for this situation to get MUCH worse.

If you think she only had sex twice in 3 years (and one was 'only' oral) then you are truly deluding yourself.

And the biggest mistake you have made so far is not exposing this POS to his BW.....that should have been done on DDay1 even when you thought it was 'only' kissing.

You need to expose this scumbag to his BW immediately.

Then you need to find a way to find out just how far down the rabbit hole this A really goes.

Get the text/phone records.....and demand she take a poly, with the stern warning that any failure or if it reveals new things she hasn't told you, then it will be instant D....so she better get the whole truth out beforehand.

And expose the A to both of your families and all friends....its about time that your WW sees that her M and family are truly hanging by a thread due to her traitorous actions.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

OP, listen to Dyoke and Thorburn. Very good advice there


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> My two cents worth:
> 
> 1. What the OP did prior to his marriage seems petty to me. If the truth is he made out with someone and all it involved was kissing then I say end of story. I have been through too much to make much of this. (IMO)
> 
> ...




THORBURN! :grin2:

Where the hell have you been?


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I can see cheating happening one time. I did that. Hell, our own OP here did that (the make out at the bachelor party).

From the mouth of a cheater.....(yayyy I'm in THAT category) you either do it once and you realize your mistake and never do it again. 

BUT, if you do it TWICE, you've done it a thousand times.

There's this thing that happens when you cheat. Well, not for all, but for some of us that I've seen here and myself.

You cheat, you do what you do.....and then you feel like scum. I hid what I did for 3 years. But there wasn't a damn day that went by that I didn't feel like scum. I drank too much, I talked to myself, I cried, I went on manic highs and bipolar lows. I STILL do that. Because cheating is the worst thing I've ever done. Cheating has destroyed my opinion of myself. I don't even know who I am.

So what I'm trying to say is.....if she did this......and then did it again.....the odds are 1) she could give 2 ****s about you. People are human, they occasionally make mistakes. More than once is not a mistake, it's a CHOICE. She continued to CHOOSE to hurt you.

2) She hasn't done this a couple times. Maybe a couple times in a few weeks, but 3 years of constant, sexually oriented contact? She's been ****ing him all along. 

3) Shes giving you just enough of the story to each time to get you to back off. Know how I know? I DID that. I told him it was "just a kiss" because just a kiss saved my marriage. You know what didn't? Admitting I sucked his best friends ****. Know what made me admit it? Him standing up to me and telling me he wanted a separation. 

You want the whole story? Pack your ****, pack her ****, whatever you want to do and tell her one of you is leaving. You don't have to mean it. But you know what that fear does? Makes her come clean. 

You have a lot more truth coming my friend. Hope you're ready for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Sadly PVMan, you clearly have shown me at least YOU DO NOT really have the BALLS to do anything about this..

You will not leave her.. 

She is a good woman ? A heart of gold ?

My ex wife baked cookies.. She still is a cheating wh0re kunt *( sorry ladies I know you hate that word )*

Again I know first hand because in the beginning of my thread I was similar to you.. Making excuses for myself to find a way to take her back.. I was deluding myself..

Only I was fortunate my Ex wife done.. I am so glad today that we are divorced.. I just don't have to wonder anymore.. 

I was going nuts when I still had access to her cell phone bill.. Once she took it over as much as it sucked that I couldn't spy on her.. It was an utter relief.. Once I got rid of her family off facebook It was a relief as I didn't have to worry about being polite when talking about her.. My friends felt the same way I did about her, because they were my friends and not hers..

Sadly you are at ground zero and you are weak.. 

You actually posted she fvcked a guy only once ( or twice ) in 3 years after seeing countless messages and images from them over a 3 YEAR PERIOD.. 

Come on.. Grow up... They fvcked A LOT... More than you have over 3 years.. 

She isn't nice.. She is a piece of sh!t.. 

You didn't mention kids.. So I will tell you, cut her the fvck lose and run... Do not, do not. do not.. yet again.. Do not have kids with her.. Wear 2 condoms at all times until you are out of the house.. DO not have anymore sex with her.. get the fvck out..

But I know that is not gonna happen..

What is going to happen is by page 15 or 20 you will have the WHOLE SORTED HORRENDOUS TRUTH.. You will also find out about the other guy(s) as well.. It will be another 10 pages of you trying to put your life back right again and dealing with your crazy thoughts because weak guys like you ( and me at that time ) have these retarded crazy thoughts..

But keep posting and keep it to the same thread..


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## chrissy47 (Jul 14, 2015)

Sorry to hear - I just want to say none of this is your fault. It's her, good luck.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

As the group Chicago said, "Only the beginning"

There is no way she has had contact for three years and only been with him once. Get your mind around that.

Be strong. You need control. Contact OMW and let her know about the affair and offer proof.

See an attorney. Ask her to move out.

The stronger you are now the better it will go no matter if you R or D.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

OP, the issue -IMHO- at this point...is not what your wife did/didnt do..how many times...or how many lies. 

The issue is, you have to live with yourself. Can you live with yourself knowing that she did this for YEARS. Lied to you for YEARS. Can you live knowing you have neither the love or respect of your wife. 

That's what you need to ask yourself


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

good discussion PV on here, but the fact YOU need to get your head around " SHE HAS BEEN SCREWING THIS DUDE FOR 3 YR'S" !!

Making out at your bach party don't even come close.

I don't blame anyone now that I am grown, for my demons taking over anymore.
I refuse anymore shrinks screwing me up. And to tell the truth, doing certain things brings me much peace and joy.

What I don't see is how you can believe her after catching her 2 times,,, NOT to mention the third time. 
Maybe you loved the idea of coming home to a nice woman and house,, but those sheets,, I hoped she changed them.

Anyway,, making out at your bach party does not equals her screwing him and his buddies for 3 years.
That's revenge dude,, that' hate, resentment, anger, and plain old evil.

Have you busted this dude to his wife is what we want to know.

Also, if you live in the real world,, you know if she was doing him,, others at the club knew,, and made their play.
REAL LIFE !!

You can say she trying to do all she can,,,, guess what,, to them she was just a hole,, and she know that now.
So she holding on to what she has.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

Dont trust your wife. She lied to you for THREE YEARS and you belived here. Not anymore.

What is even worse she cheated with a married man. She hurt other wife and her children and this tells me what a piece of "wife" she is. 

She has no respect for you or others and she only cares about herself. She once told you she is in heaven with all male atention and this was your first big mistake. You should just put a stop there but you let it go and now you are crushed by your wife actions. Sorry.

Your wife lived two lives for three years. One with you-her Plan B and someone who is going to pay bills and her other one is like high payed excort. 

Ask her who was there for her when she was sick ??? You were and what does she do ???
As soon as she felt better she sent some nude pictures to this guy.
She disgust me,sorry.

What you need to do is to talk with your lawyer and expose her Affair to family and friends.

You have no kids and this is going to be a little bit easier for you. 

You deserve better wife and better life my friend.

Stay strong.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> If you think she only had sex twice in 3 years (and one was 'only' oral) then you are truly deluding yourself.


I think what she really told him it was a couple of time but she meant a couple of hundred. What she is telling him is womanese to temporarily clear the air and giving him a chance to blow off (no pun intended) a little steam so she can get back to business as usual. She knows he ain't going to do anything but roll over an play dead and she can then feel somewhat guiltless because his lack of action and excuses indicates his acquiescing to her "special needs".


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You people are brutal! BRUTAL! 

You all need to be more understanding and non-judgemental. Like me.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry Bandit,, but this dude is just plain simple.

Don't know where, how you grew up, but dude !! REALLY !!

???,,,,, how many times have you kissed her since she told of the bj ??

Did you ?? nm n nm.

Oh, is that fog ??


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> You people are brutal! BRUTAL!
> 
> You all need to be more understanding and non-judgemental. Like me.


LOL.

Spit coffee all over my screen.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It was only a bj?
Even bill Clinton knows that's not really sex! Geez, what's the problem???

Yes, find a new girl. This one has issues......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Geronimo!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

PVman said:


> Thank you all for your replies and recommendations. Im not very big on internet forums and this is my first time posting on the internet. Its been very hard to talk about all this here, so bear with me. I am coming up with a plan of action, it will take some time but everything recommended on here has helped a ton. I feel so much better about what to do now. Im not afraid to end it, and I will take steps to see if that needs to happen. Thank you all for your help, I will be in touch for an update on what im doing.
> 
> Thanks,
> Pvman


So how is it going?

Did your "plan of action" work out?

I'm curious to know if you busted her again with the same guy or a different one. maybe I'm completely wrong and your old lady is getting help for her "addiction" for golfers.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I've always wanted to play a 19 hole golf course....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think Troon has a19th hole. Her name is Juanita. She washes balls and polishes clubs. And if you pay her enough, she'll shine your driver.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Toss her back in the pond. She is rotten.

Give your love to a human instead of a lizard next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Blah blah blah blah blah
> 
> The dynamics of your "special" and "unique" relationship that you THINK you have w/ your "sweet, good-hearted, blah blah blah blah blah" wife are irrelevant. Want to know how I know that? _Because *NONE OF IT* kept her from f*cking this guy for the past 3 years, much less lying to you about it the entire time._
> 
> ...


I know marriages and emotions are on the line.....but he is here and not at a lawyers office tells me he is a beta dude that needs some manning up.


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