# Confused, not sure if there is a problem?



## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

Hello, I am new here, but I am here because I am very confused about my marriage. I have been married for a little more than 7 years now. The man that I am married too is good, and kind, but at the same time he is not. And that is what is really confusing me. I cannot tell if he is emotionally abusive, or maybe something is wrong with me, which is causing to see him sometimes good, and other times mean. 

I personally am not perfect, I have a major problem, I cannot drive; I am very dependent on my husband. While I do have a fear of driving caused by past trauma, but I do want to conquer this fear so badly! I want to drive to my son’s school, and to my school, just like any normal human being. I want to be able to make friends, not shy away because I am too embarrassed to let anyone know how incompetent I am. With that said, I do not see my husband eager to help me practice driving. I have a driving license, and I have driven before, but not for more than 10 years maybe. And I am afraid of high ways, so I definitely need some practice, and some confidence. As ridiculous as this may sound I do want someone to tell me: “Calm down, you’re doing fine. See that wasn’t too hard.” And it would make a huge difference on me. Instead, the few times I asked him to help me practice driving, he was mean, and insulting. It felt horrible, almost as if he is purposefully sabotaging it. And finally he told me: “Even if you became a great driver, I would never let you go anywhere by yourself, it is too dangerous out there, and you are too naïve.” So I stopped the practicing, because I knew it is futile, we are not going anywhere, and it was only an opportunity for him to vent his anger on me. 

I started going to school, I want to get a nursing R.N degree, so I will have a good job, because during the recession he lost his job and was unable to find one for 4 years, and our life was beyond miserable. Made worse by his depressed moods, and taking it on me. Long story short, he absolutely did not want me to go to school, his excuse was we cannot afford it. I then, secretly applied for a grant, and was accepted, I told him about it, and he was not enthused. I was afraid he was going to do something to sabotage it, so I called his parents, and told them, they were very happy and excited about the idea, so he pretended to be a supporter, but later in private he was mad at me for telling them. 

Now I study online, and if there is a class I must attend, I take it at night, he drives me to school and waits for me in the parking lot. I feel so bad to have to drag him, and my son at night, after he finished his work to have to drive me to school and wait in the car. Many times I told him how bad I feel for him having to drive me, sometimes his answer is: “Don’t think that way, just go there do what you have to do and be done with.” And I think he is the sweetest person, and I would hate myself for doubting it. Ten other times, his answer would be: “You should be feeling bad, I am tired, I don’t feel like driving now.” And if the class was a few minutes late, he would lose his temper. Once I had a student come to the car with me to borrow notes, and he freaked out infront of her: “What took you so long?! Why are you 10 minutes late!!” 

He blames me for everything that goes wrong. Everything! Once his parents were here, and we went out to eat, and at the restaurant he mentioned that something broke, and immediately blamed me for it, and I couldn’t take any more. I stood up for him, he tried to pretend that he was joking, I said: “No it is not funny, you can’t blame for everything, and when I say I didn’t do it, it means I did not do it, I do not lie! I am not a child. It is very hurtful, and unfair to keep blaming me for everything.” His mother told him that I was right, and that he should not act this way, so he apologized, and promised not to do it again. Well, he still does it. 

Sometimes, he is nice, and just normal. And I immediately start feeling bad, how could I ever think he is emotionally abusive, he is so kind. Like he goes grocery shopping he sees something I like but he doesn’t care for it, he would still buy it, without me asking. 
But then there are those other times, when he is just mean, very hard to please, just wants to argue, and there is no way to please him. Like he would tell me to call someone, and tell them so and so. And I get the point he is trying to make, so I call the people, and start talking to them, all of a sudden he starts yelling at me, while I’m on the phone: “This is not what I told you to say! Pay attention!!” it is the same thing, just in my own words, but he wants me to memorize his speech and repeat it word for word. I can’t do that, I’m not a robot. So another day when he asks me to call someone and tell them so and so, I know he just wants to argue with me, because whatever I say on the phone is not going to be good enough for him, so I ask him to call the person himself, he says: “No, you do it.” Then I take the phone to another room, he’ll call: “No come here so I can hear it”. You know on days like these, he is just itching to argue with me. There is no pleasing him. 

Sometimes I feel his equal, he asks my opinion, and advice on things, and acts really nice. But there are those days where his mood flips completely and he becomes mean. He gives me the silent treatment for days. And I am alone here, I was born and raised in a foreign country, and here he is my only friend. I have no friends, or family around. So when he gives me the silent treatment for days, I feel so alone, and depressed, and sad (you have no idea). 

I am sorry about this long post, and I can still go on and on for hours. But my point is, I am really confused, I don’t know what to make of him, or the way he acts. Sometimes I think he is definitely emotionally abusive. Other times, I feel guilty for even thinking that. I have no idea…Any advice/insight? Thank you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I applaud you for trying to better your life.

However, for every needy, dependent person there is an abusive controller out there. Sadly, you and your husband have what shrinks call a "neurotic lock." And it's a strong one.

You are focused on trying to figure out if your husband is part of the problem. Yes, he is. But he's not YOUR problem. Your problem is figuring out what to do with YOU.

I suggest you get help/counseling so you can drive again. It sounds like hub's parents are on your side, so find out if they will help you get a used car if your husband balks at the suggestion.

To begin with, you have to get over your fear of driving. That will lessen your dependence on someone else to get around. 

You may discover that giving away your power and control over what you CAN control in your own life will free you up to decide whether or not your husband is a good guy or a jerk.

And I'm making assumptions here and painting with broad strokes. After all, I'm only getting your side of the story. If I got your husband's side, I dare say I'd have a somewhat different perspective.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

Thank you Prodigal. I have mentioned that I need to see a therapist/or counselor many many times, but he is absolutely against the idea. For once, he says we cannot afford it, then he starts interrogating me on what I want to see a counselor for? and why? And then he'll say I'll just have to get over my anxieties, counselors don't help. And I am afraid to tell him we have marriage problems, he will get paranoid, and afraid that I might leave (his ex wife cheated on him twice, and ran away with different man each time) so he has trust issues, not only against me, but against all women. 
Once I told him I want to look for a job, he became very angry, angriest I have ever seen him, saying: "I know what this means, this is how it always starts, you want to leave me". 

His parents know how he is, in fact they have seen him lose his temper on me a few times, and once he gave us all the silent treatment, his father asked me to call them whenever he acts like this, and that they are there for me. But they are in a different state, and have health issues, they have their own problems I don't like to make them feel bad.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Your husband married a week frightened dependent woman because that's what he wanted. Any man that wants that kind of woman is not going to want her getting strong, brave, and independent. 

Is he mean? Well yeah...and manipulative, controlling, and mysoginistic. But I doubt that's new. 

I applaud you for trying to heal and grow. I think you will be happier in the long term because of it. But you will also be a different woman than he married. 
There is a small chance that he'll grow with you. You can only hope. But I think you need to be prepared for the fact that if you make these changes in your life, he's not going to be there for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do get into counseling for yourself. It will help you grow stronger.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

Thank you BlueWoman, and EleGirl. I wonder if anyone know places that offer free counseling? Because as long as it costs money his excuse is going to be we cannot afford it. I asked if they offer counseling at my college, but they don't. Once my gynecologist thought I was depressed so he suggested I see a therapist, and gave me her card, but when I told my husband, he immediately dismissed it.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Abusers (and make no mistake, that's what he is) are always averse to counsellors cuz they threaten his ability to control you,, and to expose him.

While he has you where he wants you - meek n mild - counsellors will always be "a waste of money" or unnecessary cuz, for him, life is just dandy.

The small freedoms he permits you to have - like the classes - only remain cuz he doesn't want to give himself away. He fakes supporting you and the parents. Forbidding you would, again, expose him so he's taking the slow route - trying to make you miserable/feel guilty about going so you decide to give it up yourself.

Same with the car,, another means of independence. Trying to convince you that you'd be a danger to yourself and others to put you off driving at all. And you can believe him when he says he wouldn't let you go anywhere anyway. The only lie is that he'd prevent you for your benefit. He's all about benefitting himself, at your expense.

Nor did he become so insecure due to one cheating ex. I'm sure he says that was all her fault too. In reality she left the same àss you're still with. 

She should be your poster girl - an inspiration to get away from him. Without help he'll only get worse. With it he may not get any better. You'll swiftly feel better if you find the courage to leave him. The longer you remain the harder leaving will become.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Microbiology said:


> Thank you BlueWoman, and EleGirl. I wonder if anyone know places that offer free counseling? Because as long as it costs money his excuse is going to be we cannot afford it. I asked if they offer counseling at my college, but they don't. Once my gynecologist thought I was depressed so he suggested I see a therapist, and gave me her card, but when I told my husband, he immediately dismissed it.


Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233.

They can put you touch with local places that can help you. Usually there is no cost counseling in situations where women (or men) who are victimized have no access to money.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> Abusers (and make no mistake, that's what he is) are always averse to counsellors cuz they threaten his ability to control you,, and to expose him.
> 
> While he has you where he wants you - meek n mild - counsellors will always be "a waste of money" or unnecessary cuz, for him, life is just dandy.
> 
> ...


Thank you. To be honest with you, I am very scared, I am scared to admit to myself that he might be what you imply he is. The fact is I am not financially independent, or otherwise, I don't even have family to go to. So If I decide I need to leave this relationship, I do not know where to go, or what to do. I am slowly, without scaring him trying to achieve some kind of independence, that is the whole reason for me to get an R.N degree,and later hopefully work. Then I will have a stronger position, and I can think, and decide objectively. You are right though, he is trying to discourage me from going to school, soon I will start my practice at the hospital, and so far all he keeps saying is: "I'm not sure how you can do that, it will be hard. Who is going to drive you, and what about our son, who will look after him when you are at work? It is going to be difficult, but we'll see." The thing is, he wants it to come from me, so if his parents or anyone asked: "Why did you stop now, after all this work, and a straight A student, then now you quit." He does not want me to say "he does not want me to', he wants it to come from me. He is very insecure. Once he asked, "what if a nice doctor liked you, and asked you to leave me will you do it?", I said: "Of course not, I cannot believe you are even thinking this." He said: "Just remember, the grass is not greener on the other side, you will not find someone better than me" Then he says, "so after you graduate, how are you going to work? no one is there to drive you." I said I'll do the night shift. He said: "Absolutely not! I will not allow my wife to work at night" Last night he said: "A friend of mine told me his daughter (an R.N) makes this $$$ much money working 4 days only." I asked: "Do they allow her to pick day or night shift?" He said: "I don't care with this much money I will let you work anytime." So now I'm confused, he wants me to work, or not?! It's a mess


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233.
> 
> They can put you touch with local places that can help you. Usually there is no cost counseling in situations where women (or men) who are victimized have no access to money.


Thank you, I know you are trying to help but nooooo. I am trying to be circumspect, I need to speak with a counselor to figure out my feelings, and if there is a problem how to tackle it, not blow all the bells and whistles, and start a war. I cannot call national domestic violence, I need to understand this situation step by step, and take my time. I am sorry.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Here's a free tip...

If you're here, there's a problem.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Has you husband ever shaken his hand in your face or charged at you ... even if he did not physically touch you? Has he made threatening movements towards you?

Perhaps he has. But at this point, even if he hasn't done so, you ARE being abused. 

I'd call a friend or family member and have them drive you to a women's shelter. I realize you don't think you can leave this man. How will you eat? How will you find shelter? How will you survive?

You stand up to a bully. You need to have the guts to make sure you don't expose your kids to this tyrant.

I am a former battered spouse. It wasn't until I got angry enough to drown out my fears - and my anger got HUGE the night I walked out - that I gathered what I could, grabbed my beloved cat, and drove away in my car.

It was quite an escape. And he almost killed me before I got the heck out of that house.

But you need to get rid of the victim mentality. Before you married this man, you had a life. Why did you marry him? Did he come across as a guy who would care for you and meet your needs?

My guess is he put on a great act convincing you.

I realize you aren't going to walk out tonight. But unless you get out of this mess, you are doomed to not live out your own life and your own destiny. YOUR life. YOUR choices.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Microbiology said:


> Thank you, I know you are trying to help but nooooo. I am trying to be circumspect, I need to speak with a counselor to figure out my feelings, and if there is a problem how to tackle it, not blow all the bells and whistles, and start a war. I cannot call national domestic violence, I need to understand this situation step by step, and take my time. I am sorry.


I think you misunderstand.

I am not suggesting that you start a war. 

I do not know where you live and so cannot suggest any local, low/no cost counseling places. But I know that the hot line can point you to some. 

Not all places that offer counseling for domestic abuse have a big, flashing neon sign that use the words abuse. Many are just organizations with non-descript names. These places will not push you to do anything you are not ready to do. They will offer you what you are looking for:

They will provide a licensed counselor so that you can "speak with a counselor to figure out my feelings, and if there is a problem how to tackle it"

Many colleges/universities also have on campus counseling for student that is free or very low cost.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

> Has you husband ever shaken his hand in your face or charged at you ... even if he did not physically touch you? Has he made threatening movements towards you?
> 
> Yes. That time I told him I wanted to work, he had the laptop on his lap, he got up, and threw it on the couch, and came at me, with his fists balled, his face and eyes red, yelling and swearing. Although he did not touch me, but I could see it was an extreme effort for him, to hold himself back. Then he pushed me out of the way, and went the bedroom and slammed the door. I was shocked, and frightened, and I had no idea what caused this outburst.
> The next day, when he was calm, I told him I was very shocked by his reaction. What caused it? I went over the conversation a hundred times in my head, I didn't swear, or insult him in any way.
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Microbiology said:


> Yes. That time I told him I wanted to work, he had the laptop on his lap, he got up, and threw it on the couch, and came at me, with his fists balled, his face and eyes red, yelling and swearing. Although he did not touch me, but I could see it was an extreme effort for him, to hold himself back. Then he pushed me out of the way, and went the bedroom and slammed the door. I was shocked, and frightened, and I had no idea what caused this outburst.


Abuse is about control. He has a very profound need to control you. Usually he can do it verbally and you stay in line.

When you told him that you wanted to work, he suddenly felt that he was seriously losing control of you. So he did what all abusers do.. he escalated. 

What he did is the first level of domestic violence. It's a serous threat. The message is that next time he might just pound you to a pulp.

You should be scared.




Microbiology said:


> The next day, when he was calm, I told him I was very shocked by his reaction. What caused it? I went over the conversation a hundred times in my head, I didn't swear, or insult him in any way.
> 
> He blamed it all on me, he said I was a bi*ch, he said he hates when I acted like a bi*ch. He told me: "I said enough, but you kept going on and on."
> 
> ...


Of course he blamed you. That is part of him keeping control. It helps to keep you off balance.

He has not done it again because you have not shown enough independence yet to trigger another outburst like that.

He will. That will not be the last time.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Abuse is about control. He has a very profound need to control you. Usually he can do it verbally and you stay in line.
> 
> When you told him that you wanted to work, he suddenly felt that he was seriously losing control of you. So he did what all abusers do.. he escalated.
> 
> ...


I guess a part of me always knew, but I kept silencing it because I am afraid of the repercussions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Microbiology said:


> I guess a part of me always knew, but I kept silencing it because I am afraid of the repercussions.


I've been through this. What helped me the most was the counseling and learning about abuse.

During intake for counseling after I had left my husband asked what I hoped to learn from counseling. I told her that I wanted to figure out why I had picked a man like him so that I would not do it again.

She said that was easy. I did not pick him. He picked me. She told me that abuses look for someone who will tolerate their abuse and who is easy to control. So they pour on the charm but they also do little tests. An women with good boundaries will dump them in heart beat. One with weak boundaries or no boundaries will be the last one standing.. so he picks her.

Looking back I can see that my ex did this. He did odd little things when we were dating like tell me that he hated my hair.. I needed a new hair style. There is nothing wrong with my hair. I always get complemented on it. But I really started to question my hair. Then he started making comments about the way I dress.. I dressed too well, was I trying to show off, etc. Stupid me.. I started to dress down. and so it went, little chipping at me. We dated for 5 years. After we married the serous emotional abuse started. After a while the physical abuse was added. 

I was raised to be very agreeable and to believe that a women would change to make her man happy. Stupid thing to teach a girl. I had no boundaries for his 'tests'. So he picked me. I was easy to victimize... until I wised up.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Yes, Micro', he's insecure,, and it underpins his every thought regarding you.

Predictably,, "what if a doctor liked you?" - It's the precursor of accusing you of cheating. Nothing panics the abuser more than the thought of losing his victim. Finding and taming a new one is hard work.

Abuse can take many forms,, starting with things like sweet- talking, faking headaches for sympathy and ending with (murderous) violence. In between are a million other 'tactics' - all designed to get you conforming to their needs.

Typically, they don't upscale their tactics while you're conforming. When you show signs of 'rebellion' (read, seek independence) they can swiftly leap to anywhere on the 'tactics scale'.

His interest in your potential earning power is likely why he hasn't stopped you studying yet. Bring in enough cash and he can sit on his àss being mothered. It won't buy you happiness, though. Quite the contrary. The lazy abuser has all day to fret about what you're up to (with doctors). They get worse rather than better.

For now,, while you're 'docile',, yours won't change much. He clearly has some awareness that violence might undermine him domestically or socially and controls you by other means.

He already has you isolated and dependent on him,, primary goals of all abusers.

Since you won't be earning a fortune for a few days work, my guess is that he'll soon make a bigger effort to prevent you going. Upping his whining, accusations of cheating. Faking faults with the car or outright refusing to give you lifts. While he thinks you have great earning potential, that buys you some breathing space. 

If you can't leave, at least be aware of what you're dealing with. If you need work to finance an escape,, don't add to his (insecure) reasons to keep you from going. NEVER casually mention male colleagues/students. You say Simon, he hears affair.

Note the means he uses to manipulate and control you. Anger and resentment will help you leave.

Keep any leaving plan to yourself. Fake contentment till you're ready to go,, then just leave,, to someplace he can't get at you.

You can NEVER please these types. The better you understand him, you can 'manage' him short-term while you work on escaping. Escape you must, though,, cuz the best he has to offer you is misery. Best not to dwell on the worst.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> She that was easy. I did not pick him. He picked me. She told me that abuses look for someone who will tolerate their abuse and who is easy to control..


That whole post,, but the quoted part specifically.

Just like good relationships,, abusive ones require compatible partners. The ying for the yang.

Very few women tolerate a kicking or being called an 'ugly bìtch' on a first date. Like Ele,, more subtle tactics are employed to reel them in. Testing the boundaries and undermining them.

2, 5, 10, 20 years down the line,, women who wouldn't tolerate even a rude guy on a date,, once isolated, dependent, tied by kids, mortgages (guilt),, have had all their boundaries and self-esteem chipped away. It's a 'good' day if all they got called was an 'ugly bìtch' and, if they only wound up in hospital twice,, not a bad year.

Many a smart woman has ended up there,, including plenty who said they never would.

Gotta read the signs. Don't settle for the good guy who excuses cussing you out when he's stressed,, cuz his stresses will surely increase. If you accept that,, chances are you'll accept the next thing. Slowly but surely,, you see less of the good guy, more of the àsshole. It's insipid and even the educated and cautious can be slow to spot it. When you spot it,, it never gets easier to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Micro,
I agree with the others that you are in a highly dysfunctional relationship...where husband at minimum tries to passive-aggressively control you, but as you notice, the more you lean towards a bit more independence he turns quite irrational.

Problem is that he knows that if you work on your stuff and change, then that means he has to do the same thing.


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

Wow…after reading your responses, I just had to sit here and stare. My brain is flooded with memories of things that happened; things that you mentioned in your posts as if you were sitting with us when it happened. 
He did criticize my looks early in the relationship (before marriage). I was shocked, and frankly a little intrigued. No man or woman for that matter ever criticized me. That was completely new for me. I was very confident with the way I look, but now I am very self-conscious. 
He hates it when people complement me. Once, a woman, a complete stranger we did not know said to him: “Oh I get it, then you must be filthy rich, to have her.” He wasn’t too happy. I though any man would not feel comfortable at such situations, I didn’t think his reaction was odd. I just wish people wouldn’t complement me so openly it gets me in trouble. One man at a funeral, approached my husband and kept asking him: “How did you do it man? How did you do it? How were you able to marry her?” It was an awkward situation, and stupid, and I knew he was upsetting him, but I didn’t know what to do. Later he will always take it on me, a day or so later, he will criticize my weight, or nose, or hair, or anything to make me feel horrible about myself. The thing is, even though I knew is he just saying it because he’s upset, and does not want me to feel that I am better than him, but his remarks still affects my self-esteem. 

Flying_Dutchman


> : “NEVER casually mention male colleagues/students. You say Simon, he hears affair.”
> I feel like an idiot after reading this, I was always open with him, I had no secrets. I tell him everything that happened with me. Once on the last day of a class, a student who is much younger than, and knows that I am married, and have a son, left me a note. So I opened it in the car on the way home, it read: “Since it is our last day in class, and I would not see you again, I just want you to know, and I do not mean this in a romantic way, that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
> I laughed, and thought it was cute, I said to my husband: “I don’t think the poor kid has seen so many women if he thinks I’m the most beautiful”, he rolled his eyes, and asked if the kid knew I was married, and that was it. And I do remember other occasions too. I just feel if I don’t tell him, then it is like I am doing something wrong, and I am not. I have nothing to hide.
> 
> ...


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## Microbiology (Mar 7, 2015)

I think what is making it so difficult too, is that I love him. As ridiculous as this sound, but I think I do. And like I said, when he is nice, he is very nice, and it feels safe, I have a home, and a place here. I f I leave I have to go to a woman's shelter, sleep on cots, subject my son to shelter living, and homelessness. It is hard.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Microbiology said:


> I think what is making it so difficult too, is that I love him. As ridiculous as this sound, but I think I do.


Well, no, it doesn't sound ridiculous to you. I was in your shoes at one time. My husband knew just the right present to give me at Christmas. He had exquisite taste in clothes. He was funny. Extremely intelligent. Charming. A wonderful lover.

Then he'd hit me. Twist my arm. Shove me. Push me. After all, I deserved it for pushing his "buttons." He was big on telling me how I had the power to push his buttons. 

Even today, over 20 years later, I can tell you there were actually things about him I loved. But I didn't love him in a healthy sense of the word. I was dependent. I was afraid to leave. I was afraid to stay. Let's just say I was afraid.

When I finally got p!ssed off enough one Sunday evening to stand up to him, he almost killed me. But first he tried to charm me out of leaving. I didn't raise to the bait. He had an unregistered hand gun in his office.

I was willing to die trying to get away from the man I "loved."

I imagine even Hitler had endearing traits to Eva Braun. I mean, c'mon ... that maniac died in a bunker with his closest friends willing to die with him. 

Bottom line: Crazy manipulative control freaks CAN and WILL control other people's thoughts if those people are willing to allow it.

You are allowing it.



Microbiology said:


> And like I said, when he is nice, he is very nice, and it feels safe, I have a home, and a place here. I f I leave I have to go to a woman's shelter, sleep on cots, subject my son to shelter living, and homelessness. It is hard.


Oh, I'm sure he is very nice. When he has you in the subservient position where you belong; when you dance to his tune.

So sleeping on a cot and subjecting your son to a shelter is worse than letting your son see how a man abuses a woman. To begin with, nobody spends the rest of their life in a homeless shelter. In fact, those shelters are filled with counselors, people who go into court and fight for you and your child, people who get you the necessary government aid and subsidies you need to stand on your own two feet.

Yeah, I know, we have too many people sucking off the government tit. But you are someone who has the ambition and determination to get somewhere in life.

Is living, for the short term, in a women's shelter worse than living in the long term with an abusive nut? If you choose to stay with him, rest assured your son WILL realize what is going on. Sadly, he will probably emulate his dad.

You will implode into a shell of a human, never realizing your destiny. This is a tragedy.

But it is your right to choose what to do with your life. Just remember, it's a short ride and we only get one ticket to ride it.

Your life. Your choices. Your decision.


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