# "I Don't Know"



## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

I completely loathe those words, more than any other. How do you knowingly trample over your wife's feelings and concerns and not know why? It's complete bulls!it. I think I just might slap his face if those words one out of it one more time. It's so insulting. 

I'm just venting. It was either type it out or punch a hole in the wall. I can't move on until I understand how and why I went through what I did. If he doesn't know why he betrayed me, what the F is gonna convince me it won't happen again?

Grr


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Vent away, honey! That's what we're here for!


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

And the 'I don't remember' when asking for information. :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

mc1234 said:


> And the 'I don't remember' when asking for information. :-(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh he remembers things he DIDN'T do or say, but when I mention something he DID, the amnesia hits again. 

B*stard.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Shattered,

I D R is one of the classics. When I questioned my wife after finding out she cheated for years, I got "I guess not" when asking direct questions about her reasoning. Urrrh! 

Did you never think about my health, I could have contracted HIV? ..."I guess not"


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't know translated means they DO know but aren't willing to speak the truth because they know how ugly it really is.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Unfortunately for some people, that's the extent of their ability to be self-reflective.

"I don't knows" are just another brain dead cover-up for poor behaviour and for not taking a good long hard look at ones choices.

If a cheater doesn't know why they did it, then they need IC or some time to do some pretty heavy duty soul searching and self-reflection.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

"I Don't Know" Actually means they were a selfish immature person looking for gratification. Nothing more and nothing less. Cheating made them feel special and because of a character flaw, they cheated. Quite frankly, I'm not certain why you keep asking for some explanation. Anything else they tell you is a lie.

If they say it is because you didn't listen to me, or hold me enough, or help out with the household chores, etc. Those are just excuses for the real reason: selfish gratification of someone with defective boundaries. They may be true problems and a part of the marriage dynamic; but they are not the reason why.

So stop killing yourself looking for another reason. It is futile. To slightly modify the profound words of the master philosopher Yoda " Do or do not; there is no why" 

Stay and try to make it work (the "do" part) or call it quits (the "do not" ) You really already know why.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I don't know means "I don't want to say because in spite of everything i still care about what you think of me and don't want to hurt you".


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Because there's a disparity in how much worth the both of you have for each other. That's the only reason. 

But of course saying that explicitly wouldn't be too wise if he's trying to clean up his mess......


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

RWB said:


> Shattered,
> 
> I D R is one of the classics. When I questioned my wife after finding out she cheated for years, I got "I guess not" when asking direct questions about her reasoning. Urrrh!
> 
> Did you never think about my health, I could have contracted HIV? ..."I guess not"


I get the "I don't know, maybe I did" line a lot. He's a horrible liar. He even promised me yesterday to come home and have an open, honest discussion with me. All I got was total silence. I'm at my wits end. I don't want to care anymore.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

So a couple of nights ago he talks. He admitted feelings, calling it a "crush". Strange thing is, I'm calm about the whole thing. I know the feelings were deeper but it's almost like I don't give a ats rass about it anymore. 

I find myself wanting to meet someone. I want to experience whatever positive emotions are involved with having an outside relationship. It seems to be the popular thing to do lately and I'm missing out.


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## LOSTfan (Jun 12, 2012)

Don't cheat because he cheated. Going Down to their level is never the answer. If you're having these feelings, maybe its time for a seperation and possible D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Steve_T (Jul 2, 2012)

I don't know is a cop out. Believe me I got at least 10 of those before I got one line of truth.


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