# What's your take on this?



## Rock_Me_HardPlace (Mar 4, 2012)

I will describe the situation and ask to let me know on who is right or wrong.

My wife was planning to be busy cooking on the weekend and asked me to inquire if my mother can help to sit, play, entertain our son. I was also working that weekend. My mother-in-law was not available, because she had plans to meet with her niece. My mom also had plans with friends, but cancelled them in order to meet our request for help. When my mom came to help, she saw my mother-in-law there already helping. Apparently the meeting with he niece didn't happen and she came to play and help. My mom was disappointed and shortly left in an attempt to catch up with her friends, since two people taking care of one child are not needed.

The mother-in-law was unhappy and said she never meant to chase my mom out (I believe her). My mom was upset that she changed her plans in order to help, but at the end her help was not needed. Everyone was left with bitter feelings.

Who is right, who is wrong and how was this situation better handled?

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,

Between_the_rock_and_hard_place.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Did your mother let y'all know she cancelled her plans? From what you've wrote, it just sounds like things happened pretty quickly and there wasn't a lot of time to inform everyone of the changed plans. If your wife knew both were scheduled to come, however didn't say anything, that's inconsiderate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, it just sounds like the two mothers were so willing to help that they jumped in and at least one of them (your mother-in-law?) did not inform people that was going to help.

Your mother is being a bit over-sensitive. This was not a planned attempt to slight her.

If your wife knew that both mothers were going to be there, she was wrong in not informing one of them to not come.


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

*My wife *was planning to be busy cooking on the weekend and *asked me to inquire if my* *mother can help to sit, play, entertain our son.* I was also working that weekend. * My mother-in-law was not available, because she had plans to meet with her niece*. ??? Why Not..? My mom also had plans with friends, but cancelled them in order to meet our request for help.*When my mom came to help, she saw my mother-in-law there already helping. Apparently the meeting with he niece didn't happen and she came to play and help...???????  My mom was disappointe**d *: Victim of a Foul Play...? ------------------------ with her friends, since two people taking care of one child are not needed. 

*The mother-in-law was unhappy and said she never meant to chase my mom out (I believe her)....True Lies...?????  . My mom was upset that she changed her plans in order to help, but at the end her help was not needed.( Mission by some Lady Villains Accomplished..) * Everyone was left with bitter feelings.Sure Every one..???? 

Who is right, who is wrong and how was this situation better handled?

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,

Between_the_rock_and_hard_place.[/QUOTE]

YOUR Mother-in-Law can be a Lady Villain in all this...with the aid of your Wife ( The Real Lady Villain)...(* Now DONT gear a fuss, for that's a mere guess  ) and both feigning a so called confusion......
*
Or simply it was all a Matter of Confusion...

Your Dear Mother seems selfless, nevertheless she is just human to have felt a bit annoyed...

and surely Have a Care...n Go Easy


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just sounds like a miscommunication.

Apologies all around but no one is really at fault.


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## Rock_Me_HardPlace (Mar 4, 2012)

Thank you all. This helped a lot. You are a great group.

I guess, the lesson is to communicate the change of plans quickly. However, even then my mom would feel a bit down, since she already cancelled her plans as of last night. Funny how the good intentions and the quickly changing situation can affect us.

True, my wife was not aware of the "sacrifice" my mom made. I didn't feel it was important to communicate that. Sometimes such communication can be met with: "Well, my mom also sacrifices a lot. I don't want your mom to make a sacrifice. That's okay. No need to help".  I guess there's no lack of drama in my family.

I am guessing the most perfect solution would have been for everyone to think how every step affects others. So, we should've communicated in advance to my mother-in-law that we arranged for help and therefore she's not needed. Then my mother-in-law should've thought that even though her intentions were purely good, maybe she could be perceived as infringing on the other grandma's time. However, I admit that this kind of thinking is way too advanced for every moment's situations and I would never think this myself.


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## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Stryker said:


> *My wife *was planning to be busy cooking on the weekend and *asked me to inquire if my* *mother can help to sit, play, entertain our son.* I was also working that weekend. * My mother-in-law was not available, because she had plans to meet with her niece*. ??? Why Not..? My mom also had plans with friends, but cancelled them in order to meet *our request *--NOTE PLS..for help.*When my mom came to help, she saw my mother-in-law there already helping. Apparently the meeting with he niece didn't happen and she came to play and help...???????  My mom was disappointe**d *: Victim of a Foul Play...? ------------------------ with her friends, since two people taking care of one child are not needed.
> 
> *The mother-in-law was unhappy and said she never meant to chase my mom out (I believe her)....True Lies...?????  . My mom was upset that she changed her plans in order to help, but at the end her help was not needed.( Mission by some Lady Villains Accomplished..) * Everyone was left with bitter feelings.Sure Every one..????
> 
> ...


YOUR Mother-in-Law can be a Lady Villain in all this...with the aid of your Wife ( The Real Lady Villain)...(* Now DONT gear a fuss, for that's a mere guess  ) and both feigning a so called confusion......
*
Or simply it was all a Matter of Confusion...

Your Dear Mother seems selfless, nevertheless she is just human to have felt a bit annoyed...

and surely Have a Care...n Go Easy[/QUOTE]


Courtesy : "The Adventure of The Lady Villains..."- Baker Street Diaries..Scotland yard..InterPol and FBI..


*It was a STORY CASE STUDY --For Learning...*


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## specwar (Apr 14, 2011)

Interesting that they came away with bitter feelings instead of using it as an opportunity to catch up with and visit with each other. 

That either of them would have bad feeling after you explain that the situation changed. (which happens everyday with real life) says more about their relationship with each other than it does you. They both love your child and that is good. Their heart is in the right place. 

It is often the case that some people look to be offended. In my opinion a reasonable person will accept what is in front of them and will react. Still others will search for some alterior motive behind the event. It may/may not have anything to dowith the event. It has to do with a much (perceived disrespect) from an event that they are carrying around (grudge).


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