# My Husband said my best friends name and also was fatisising i was her while foreplay



## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

Hi a few nights ago my husband and i had a few drinks and he was talking about a 3 sum with another man anyways we got off that subject and that was it later we went of to the bedroom and started foreplay he started talking about my bf and every time i would do something he would say show me how she would or let me do it to you like she would like it and it was like i was not even in the room and later when we were having sex he called out her name and tried to correct it but knew he stuffed up anyways i pushed him off and got up he fell straight asleep and did not say anything i dont know what to do as i love him but i can never forgive him and will always think about it :scratchhead:


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Unless you have reason to think he's cheating or he's taking active steps to have an affair with your friend, I wouldn't stress out about it or freak out about it. Everyone is allowed to have fantasies. They often involve people we know - we always want what we can't have. 

Anyway, men pretty much think about having sex with nearly every woman they know. It's pretty darned normal. 

Saying "I can never forgive him" is the worst thing you can do, and will lead to disaster in the long run, because then he's going to be afraid to tell you any of his fantasies. 

Honestly discuss your concerns with him when he's sober, but try to be calm. If you are really upset, then chances are he'll just pretend he doesn't remember anything because he was drunk.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm.. you were talking about a 3some with another man. Was this his idea or yours?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Better be careful with the booze. Some people are idiots when it comes to alcohol.

But I call bullsh!t on giving him a pass. Fantasies DO NOT in my opinion get to include people you know. Hell imo a husband or wife shouldnt tell one another about fantasies of screwing celebs etc either. You want them? Have at it and good luck.

Fantasies can include all kinds of sh!t if it involves my wife, or myself for her.

Yeah I notice hot women. Im sure my wife notices hot guys. But anything more than that. Not acceptable in my book.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

What an a$$!!!! And I second what Middle of Everything said


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So are you going to be uncomfortable around your friend now? I would think that this will have some impact on your relationship even though she does not know anything about it.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Middle of Everything said:


> But I call bullsh!t on giving him a pass.


You don't have to give him a pass, because he didn't do anything wrong. They were roleplaying after all. Now, if she already told him she didn't like hearing that, that's different.



> Fantasies DO NOT in my opinion get to include people you know. Hell imo a husband or wife shouldnt tell one another about fantasies of screwing celebs etc either.


Wow, that is brutal. So people shouldn't even share fantasies about celebrities?? Holy cow, that's awfully restrictive.

My fantasy life is my fantasy life. Neither my spouse or anyone else is going to tell me what I can fantasize about and what I can't. Nor would I even dream of telling my wife who she can or can't think about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Brace yourself.
> 
> It would only get worse.
> 
> ...


yep, that's why I asked who brought up the mfm 3some? It's a ploy to get her receptive to the idea of a 3some. Then he will switch to the fmf idea with the girlfriend being the other f.

ETA: I have read books on affairs that explain how this tactic is used. The idea is to soften up the wife. If they do the mfm, it's to make the wife the one who 'cheated' first. Then she cannot deny her husband the fmf with the female of his choice. The husband then has a trump card against the wife in the future.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Yeah I doubt this is all fantasy stuff

Plus what sane man would bring up a FRIEND in the role play? I mean firefighter.. pizza delivery man.. celebrity okay.. but a FRIEND?

when I was in a LTR for 7 years he never once said he thought of anyone else, or liked porn.. because he had the real thing. And I never doubted him because of the way he treated me. So I do believe that this happens. Now maybe the occasional slip? Sure

But for the most part healthy fantasies don't include coercion or best friends.. or making someone feel like sh&t

I think the OP should look at the full relationship and see if there are any red flags


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## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

*Re: My Husband said my best friends name and also was fantisising was her while fore*



EleGirl said:


> So are you going to be uncomfortable around your friend now? I would think that this will have some impact on your relationship even though she does not know anything about it.


my friend does know i told her she does not know either we can talk about anything


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

IMO, he wasn't having sex with you, he was having sex with "her".

I get how painful this is, and it is a mind-f*ck at that.

He should be having sex with you when he is with YOU. Fantasies that involve others can be extracurricular activities if you don't enjoy them.

This would royally piss me off, to be honest. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Hm.. you were talking about a 3some with another man. Was this his idea or yours?


his idea never mine


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## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

yes thats how i feel it was like i did not exist he did it for over an hour


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## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

YinPrincess said:


> IMO, he wasn't having sex with you, he was having sex with "her".
> 
> I get how painful this is, and it is a mind-f*ck at that.
> 
> ...


yes thats how i felt and he did it over an hour


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## B Wilson (Sep 22, 2013)

Theseus said:


> You don't have to give him a pass, because he didn't do anything wrong. They were roleplaying after all. Now, if she already told him she didn't like hearing that, that's different.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


actually we were not role playing thank you read what i said first so it is wrong i have been married to him for 8 years we have been threw a lot but not this


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why does he presume you know everything about your bf's sex likes?
Do you talk to him about what your bf says? Something doesn't sound quite right.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Are you desiring the 3-some or is this just his talk/his desire? Sounds like he wants to be adventurous and wants to see how far you will allow him to go and if you are willing to include others. Is that what you want?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

B Wilson said:


> i can never forgive him and will always think about it :scratchhead:


It's too early to say that you can never forgive him. If you really believe that, then you should just divorce him now and let him find a woman who won't hold a grudge forever.

Now, what he did was dumb. But, there is a difference between fantasizing and actually cheating. He might have been trying to gauge your willingness to open your marriage to others, or he might have just been fantasizing.

However, I suggest that you tell him that he should never communicate his fantasies to you again. That will prevent any future hurt feelings.

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

B Wilson said:


> his idea never mine


Have you agreed to a mfm 3some?


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