# different day...different emotion



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I was feeling really really overwhelmed by everything that has been going on. I was really thinking that I don't know how I could live with the guilt of everything I have caused....I hurt the people I love the absolute most. I will forever think that what happens in their life ( my husband and 2 boys)if it is something bad...I can and will pinpoint it to me. It is my fault. I can't get past that. I am also torn because I feel it is in my best interest to move in the same area as my husband. I know we will not be getting back together....so that is not the reason. I feel it is important for us to be able to raise our kids and if I lived an hour away...that would just make it more difficult. Plus like I said before...more job opportunities for myself. My oldest son...wants to move in the same city as his grandma and grandpa....my kids are extremely close to them and always have been. So I just started crying...thinking that I cant do this. At that time..my husband happen to call to ask how I was doing. Told him not good right now. He asked if we wanted to come over for pizza and then we could talk. We went over there. We had a talk. He was talking about how he was thinking of ending his life....but couldn't go thru with it because he knew I would be riddled with guilt and blame myself. He is right. We talked about how we never could really communicate with each other thruout our marriage...to which I suppose lead to the trust and disrespect issues. Day late and a dollar short....story of my life. I told him....I think this is so much harder to deal with....because we both deep down still love each other. He signed a year long lease. I suggested that we take that year to better ourselves individually...and then see where we are. I asked him what does he want right now and he said a divorce. But i just don't know if we should just do it or give things time...lots of time.


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