# How do you know what you like?



## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

I know this probably sounds stupid. I'm 30 years old, you'd think I'd figure this part out. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, then next guy I dated was my husband. BOTH of these guys were virgins. So I have never had sex with anyone with experience other than me. 
We try different positions and all that, but my husband always wants to know about my fantasies and what turns me on...and I don't know. He wants me to talk dirty and I feel stupid doing it. 

I'm sure it might be easier if I had different experiences but I'm just used to the same stuff.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

NM.


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## gumtree (Jun 1, 2013)

It doesn't sound stupid. I think most women only start to really awaken to their sexuality at 30. I hope my suggestions aren't out of line, but dirty talk is great fun, maybe you already do this and he wants it more hardcore? I don't know. 

Dirty talk doesn't have to be silly porno stuff, that's really ridiculous if you feel like an actress instead of a lover. But if you just tell him what you want and what you'll do next to him in your normal turned-on voice it'll probably do it for him eg "I want to go down on you now baby, would you like that?" as your kisses head south. Even just being more vocal in moaning when you like something will encourage him I guess. Add in the cuss words later when you are really revved too if you can naturally do that a long drawn out ' faaaaaark! during orgasm is hard not to do I thought! Also things like taking his hand during foreplay and placing it between your legs and saying to him "feel how wet you've made me". 

The erotic reading is a great idea. Ladies, start your engines....


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

H30 said:


> I know this probably sounds stupid. I'm 30 years old, you'd think I'd figure this part out. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, then next guy I dated was my husband. BOTH of these guys were virgins. So I have never had sex with anyone with experience other than me.
> We try different positions and all that, but my husband always wants to know about my fantasies and what turns me on...and I don't know. He wants me to talk dirty and I feel stupid doing it.
> 
> I'm sure it might be easier if I had different experiences but I'm just used to the same stuff.


You are on the right path, by sharing your frustration here. Have you tried a few new ideas since posting? What's worked and what hasnt?


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I just try everything....twice..just to be sure.

It is like food, you don't know if you don't try it.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

ankh said:


> You are on the right path, by sharing your frustration here. Have you tried a few new ideas since posting? What's worked and what hasnt?


No chance yet. my husband is coming home for thanksgiving....so I told him I wanted to have some fun after kiddo goes to bed
. I don't want to say we have tried everything ....we have been trying to venture a little more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kjm (Jan 8, 2011)

First, it is wonderful that you're making the effort. 90% of it is being into it enough to make the effort. My wife read 50 shades and while the writing sucked, it sure gave her ideas. We've tried a bunch. Some we liked, some we didn't. That is what is fun in a marriage. You get to try stuff and hopefully not be judged harshly for it. We were married 10 years before we even tried doggy style so it isn't that we are freaks (quite the opposite). She just turned 40 and plenty of pent-up freak is coming out now. We tried a new position just last night, and there really isn't all that many possible positions. She had the same concern as you- in that she really just couldn't think of much to do and she was comfortable with what we were doing. I'd say since she has been willing to try new stuff, ask for it, and tell me what and how she wants it, the fun is in trying and you'd think we couldn't get any closer- but we have.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

My husband wants to know nothing about 50 shadesbecause he says he doesn't want to think about all the people he knows getting freaky 50 shades style....but I loved it. I have brought up some of that recently. not sure HE is into that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Easy...we all want what we don't get or can't have!

If there are plenty of Heinz baked beans in the store, you don't want. The day they have run out and have no stock, thats the day you crave them!

Sorry not much help H30!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You know what you like by trying out things.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

H30 said:


> My husband wants to know nothing about 50 shadesbecause he says he doesn't want to think about all the people he knows getting freaky 50 shades style....but I loved it. I have brought up some of that recently. not sure HE is into that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shouldn't matter if he's into it. As long as he doesn't actively dislike it for some reason, it should be enough that YOU like it. He should be willing to come along for the ride--and then you reciprocate. You both win that way.

FWIW, a lot of guys are happiest when they're able to please their wives. If he knows he's really floating your boat, that will make him more excited about things that wouldn't necessarily do it for him, personally.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

H30 said:


> I know this probably sounds stupid. I'm 30 years old, you'd think I'd figure this part out. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, then next guy I dated was my husband. BOTH of these guys were virgins. So I have never had sex with anyone with experience other than me.
> We try different positions and all that, but my husband always wants to know about my fantasies and what turns me on...and I don't know. He wants me to talk dirty and I feel stupid doing it.
> 
> I'm sure it might be easier if I had different experiences but I'm just used to the same stuff.


This post reminds me of my husband actually I always asked him about his fantasies and the response was "I dunno baby,normal stuff like positions with you and things you've done to me already.I don't fantasize about anything really.I mostly just daydream about things we've already done that I love."

He also says he feels stupid talking dirty.


The only thing that has worked for him is when he sees and feels how turned on I get when he talks to me.As for the fantasy thing,I've learned that he isn't me and doesn't have to be like me regarding fantasies.He daydreams about what we do and that's enough for me. 
Maybe your husband should respect that fantasies aren't your thing?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

H30 said:


> I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, then next guy I dated was my husband. BOTH of these guys were virgins. So I have never had sex with anyone with experience other than me.


Well look at the bright side: You don't have to worry about HPV if both men were honest (and men lie up, not down...). You have a 90% reduced risk of cervical cancer. You're in the club of less than 20% of the women too old to have gotten the HPV vaccine who doesn't have HPV.

I do wonder what it is like for you husband though? Does the previous experience bug him much?


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Well look at the bright side: You don't have to worry about HPV if both men were honest (and men lie up, not down...). You have a 90% reduced risk of cervical cancer. You're in the club of less than 20% of the women too old to have gotten the HPV vaccine who doesn't have HPV.
> 
> I do wonder what it is like for you husband though? Does the previous experience bug him much?


_Posted via Mobile Device_
I think the fact that I had slept with someone else bothered him initially. I don't think anymore.
Yes very glad no worries of std.....I don't even know how I would venture into sex with someone else if H and I split


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If you're not even sure what you might want to try, and some folks come with a pretty poor sexual imagination, there are all kinds of resources to give you ideas. The old standard "The Joy of Sex" or "The Guide to Getting it On" can give you ideas of things you may not have even considered. Go to a web site like Adam & Eve and see what they have for sale. Even if you don't buy anything, your eyes will surely be opened. 

Then as long as it doesn't actively offend you, give it a try.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

Oh no Cletus don't get me wrong...I am not easily offended....I am very open to trying stuff....just not really sure yet what would really get me going. Sex is great...I guess I am bothered and so is my husband that I can't express what I want in bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Make it a little game.....try some of these here:

The Best Sex Positions Ever | Women's Health Magazine


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Here's a question for you: What do you think about when you masturbate?

I've asked my wife the same thing, similar to you, not a lot of experience and doesn't know what she likes. Her answer to the fantasy thing was "I don't really have any"

When I asked her about the masturbation thing she had an answer. It was specific, about a time when we first went out that really got her revved up. I said "That's a fantasy" She was like, "I didn't really think of it"

I also recommend the book "Sex is fun"


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

A very incorrect and frowned upon answer would be 'porn helped me broaden my horizons'.

I don't suggest it unless you watch it together. On a different level I was able to understand my sexuality better after working out what turned me on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

do you masturbate?

what do you think about when and if you do?

what gets you wet. ever watch a movie and get turned on? if its romantic tell him. when your over the top
romantic my pu$$y get wet. 

if you don't masturbate then start and then tell him or better yet show him what you like.

through all this make sure to ask him what he likes. if you feel silly doing it then bust out laughing so what its all suppose to be fun.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

H30 said:


> I know this probably sounds stupid. I'm 30 years old, you'd think I'd figure this part out. I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, then next guy I dated was my husband. BOTH of these guys were virgins. So I have never had sex with anyone with experience other than me.
> We try different positions and all that, but my husband always wants to know about my fantasies and what turns me on...and I don't know. He wants me to talk dirty and I feel stupid doing it.
> 
> I'm sure it might be easier if I had different experiences but I'm just used to the same stuff.


You sound a lot like my wife, and it can be frustrating. She can't do "dirty talk" at all. At least you read erotica (she doesn't). 

But I don't see what the problem is. Since you read erotica, then you should know some things that turn you on. I'm sure some erotica aroused you more than others. It can't be all the same to you. BTW, I find it funny how some people on this forum will recommend erotica but not porn, even though they are essentially the same thing...

Anyway, none of this has anything to you being a virgin or having little experience when you met. Heck, when I was as young as 14, I could have written a dozen sexual fantasies I had even though I hadn't even seen a naked woman in real life yet.

You would have to be mentally ill, or a strange creature indeed if you didn't know what you liked by this point. Or is the real problem expressing what you like to your partner?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No one's crying, bleeding and/or getting arrested.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

Theseus, I think I will agree with you that I have issues with expressing with my partner. 

I guess it's more of trusting and the lack of affection that have messed things up.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

H30 said:


> Theseus, I think I will agree with you that I have issues with expressing with my partner.
> 
> I guess it's more of trusting and the lack of affection that have messed things up.


Are you working on this if I may ask?


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

rush said:


> Are you working on this if I may ask?


On my end, yes. I did open a little more to my husband when he came home for thanksgiving. We actually had great sex a couple of times, not that it hasn't been great before, but it was different.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

Glad to hear that, I have learned you just really have to go for it or be miserable


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