# How should i confront him??



## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Hey guys! Wife and I been married for 17 years with 3 beautiful kids. She cheated with my ex-neighbor. For much I know he deserves a good beating but I want to be an adult and maybe tell him a few things like he's a low life and other things. I know many of you will say don't do anything but I got the 90% urge to tell him a few stuff to his face. Please give any idea before I go forward with this


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Pepe1970 said:


> Hey guys! Wife and I been married for 17 years with 3 beautiful kids. She cheated with my ex-neighbor. For much I know he deserves a good beating but I want to be an adult and maybe tell him a few things like he's a low life and other things. I know many of you will say don't do anything but I got the 90% urge to tell him a few stuff to his face. Please give any idea before I go forward with this


While your anger toward your neighbor is understandable, he is not the only one at fault here.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Don't even bother talking to him. Talk to his wife to make sure she knows he's a lowlife.

Most importantly, talk to your own wife. Because even though he came on to her, she could have refused his advances.

Ask her why she decided to destroy your marriage and break up your family. Certainly she knew that infidelity usually results in divorce, so explain to her that that's your intention.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Pepe,

Do talk to him, but first tell everyone about the affair, send out a massive email to his work, family, adult children, facebook, linkedin, church and especially to his Wife or SO. 

Do it all at once and do not threaten or warn anyone especially your W. Even a low life worries about his reputation.

Tamat


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

He's scum and he already knows it, but the best response is to just deal with your wife and forget about him. Nothing good will come out of the confrontation but several bad scenarios might. Right now you should be dealing with your own emotions and the tattered relationship that you have with your wife. Take some time to decide where you want your life to go from here and whether you want your wife to be part of it, and under what conditions you'd allow it. 

I felt the same way as you after my XWW cheated and I wanted to go after the OM but chose the more mature course of action and let it go. Now if I ever run into the low life again I'm going to walk right up to him, look him dead in the eye, and then buy him a steak dinner for the massive favor he did for me.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Just remember the OM bashing, which is correct and true, applies to your wife as well. There is no need to talk to him, your wife let him in and agreed to sex as well. I'm one of those who holds the cheating spouse more at fault. While my neighbor, friend, male whoever should respect the vows we took, they owe me zero loyalty or really respect for that matter. We took vows and my wife owes me a "I'm done this isn't working, I'm out" or a "Look this is getting bad, I'm thinking about other men" before she has an affair. I owe her the same.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I understand the urge to confront I'm, I did twice, but reality is they don't really care. Are you still with your wife? Are you still neighbors? If the answer to those questions are both yes, then I would discreetly notify the husbands on your block. This way you are at least, and hopefully, taking this hunting ground away from OM. Besides, it is quite possible he may have or is currently having an affair with another neighbor. If you do confront, you best be able to control your emotions. No threats, and be prepared that OM may try to cause a physical fight with you.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Well, when I was married, I would have done anything for another guy to bone my wife so I could divorce her and come out on top. But she was too ugly/miserable to do that, so I had to divorce her and be the bad guy. Was your marriage really great? If it was, then I'd make his life miserable for being 50% of the reason she cheated. I'd tell everyone. I'd probably put sugar in his gas tank. I'd do something to at least once a year that would set him back financially. Payback is a *****!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

This man may have inserted himself into your marriage, but he is not a part of your marriage. Your wife is. Whatever anger you rightfully have toward him, he's not the one who took vows with you, your wife is. She's the one you need to confront and deal with.

Any action you take vis-a-vis him is strictly to blow up the affair. As noted above, expose to his wife, his work everyone in his life you can access. Other than that, he is but a flyspeck to you. Give him no more credence than that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your anger is misplaced. 

Pass.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

By contacting him you're giving him importance in your life. Really, it was only chance that he was in the right place at the right time. There is nothing special about him. OM are an illusion, a fantasy, a run from reality for your WW. Don't give him any more than what he's due "nothing". It won't give you what you need. 

Are you still with your WW? Does his W know?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

The cheating is all on your wife. Nothing good will come out of the confrontation. Expose to everyone. Be strong and don't rugsweep your wife's infidelity.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Do what you think you need to do and write down your moves and methods for the next time she puts a little poon on some guy. But bear in mind exposing, revealing, et cetera, is a door that swings both ways. A "lady" at local Sun**** bank whose husband pounced upon her boyfriend, was equalized when some of the bank's employees received a cd of her giving the guy a BJ. Needless to say her Linkedin profile lost value among her peers. Put the blame where it belongs and realize any number of red blooded men are going to service an available married chick. I've done a bunch of them in my earlier days and didn't give two hoops in hell, one way or the other, about their old man. It was only business for me. Vampires only in when they're invited.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Thank you guys.well he is divorced. What about a note??? Or maybe a letter to him????? I need to get this out of me


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Pepe1970 said:


> Thank you guys.well he is divorced. What about a note??? Or maybe a letter to him????? I need to get this out of me


No notes, no letters to the OM. These can be used for harassment charges. If you need to let your anger out, you need to expose to everyone; family & friends. Do not blame others for your wife's action. She is alone to blame for her infidelity.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Pepe1970 said:


> Thank you guys.well he is divorced. What about a note??? Or maybe a letter to him????? I need to get this out of me


A note/letter is fine if you want to give him a laugh.

What could you write that would bother a guy like him?

( And, never any threats in writing )


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Pepe, I think the real problem is your wife, what action have you taken against her?

Has she been remorseful? What excuses is she giving? What steps is she taking to make things in the marriage better?
Do you want to reconcile? Stop focusing on the OM, what about your marriage and what about you?

YOu ought to

1. Tell her she must go no contact with him, write you a timeline of everything that happened, dates, when, where etc.
2. Then she must write him a no contact letter - you can see it (it is better if it comes from her, not from you)
3. Get into IC for yourself, and she too
4. Consider MC if that is what you want
5. Get STD tested, there is a reason why he is divorced, maybe he is a playboy?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Pepe1970 said:


> Thank you guys.well he is divorced. What about a note??? Or maybe a letter to him????? I need to get this out of me


The very idea that you came on to an Internet forum to ask for advice on how to treat the guy who ****ed your wife tells me a lot about why she cheated on you.Try growing a pair and just do something instead of wringing your hands wondering what would be a suitable reaction.
Write a letter? Ffs he doesn't care about you or your strongly worded tome,he will probably use it to wipe his ass.
Kick him in the balls if you think you will feel better but it won't make any difference to the fact that your wife cheated on you.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Pepe,

BTW he may have only told your W that he is divorced, when in fact he is only separated, and even if he is divorced there are plenty of other people to expose to. You need to get him back where it hurts. 

Tamat


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Pepe1970 said:


> Hey guys! Wife and I been married for 17 years with 3 beautiful kids. She cheated with my ex-neighbor.


That's a pretty peppy opener for a dude who just found out his wife's been screwing another guy....



Pepe1970 said:


> For much I know he deserves a good beating but I want to be an adult and maybe tell him a few things like he's a low life and other things. I know many of you will say don't do anything but I got the 90% urge to tell him a few stuff to his face.


Nothing gives an OM a bigger ego boost then some sloot's husband giving him a "few choice words" and wagging his finger at him.



Pepe1970 said:


> Please give any ideas before I go forward with this


Only thing you need to move forward with is the divorce of this POS trash wife you married.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

No. But do tell his wife, G/F, parents, neighbors, supervisor, co/workers, and little Moe with the gimpy leg.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

After my wife confessed to me of this affair, she cut all contact with him for a year but she also told me he text her like every 3 months to know how she is. The other day he text her and she told me. If texted her again.... Should I see him then?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Can't she block him?

If she can, why hasn't she?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Malaise said:


> Can't she block him?
> 
> If she can, why hasn't she?


She should've changed her numbers by now.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Pepe1970 said:


> After my wife confessed to me of this affair, she cut all contact with him for a year but she also told me he text her like every 3 months to know how she is. The other day he text her and she told me. If texted her again.... Should I see him then?


Buddy........
FFS.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Call and tell him off. Write a letter. Whatever you think will make you feel better. Reality is, he'll have a chuckle and go on with his life knowing you're stuck full time with the cheater he occasionally tries to re-tap when he's horny and no one else is available.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pepe1970 said:


> Hey guys! Wife and I been married for 17 years with 3 beautiful kids. She cheated with my ex-neighbor. For much I know he deserves a good beating but I want to be an adult and maybe tell him a few things like he's a low life and other things. I know many of you will say don't do anything but I got the 90% urge to tell him a few stuff to his face. Please give any idea before I go forward with this


 @Pepe1970 Should you find a large piece of dog excretia on the pavement, sorry, sidewalk, outside your door, what would you do with it? Pick it up with your bare hands, squish it under your nose and inhale deeply?

Of course not! You would get a plastic bag, and use that to put it in a litter bin.

You know the chap is a lowlife chunk of dog excretia, so why soil your hands on him and get his stench in your nostrils?

Here is something you can do. Write his name down on a piece of paper and then burn the paper as a symbolic act.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Why does he need a ''good beating?'' He didn't assault your wife, she willingly slept with him. That is what you need to accept. Sending him a note, yelling at him, etc doesn't change what happened.

You could write a letter and never send it just to get it out, and that might be good for you. But, he's not the problem.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

So, he contacts her every three months and NOW she tells you? So, did you ask her what threat he made to help her confess?

You do understand this means she didn't end all contact for a year. Let me guess, she waited because she was scared of your reaction, but didn't think how it looks waiting for a year to inform you.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Pepe1970 said:


> After my wife confessed to me of this affair, she cut all contact with him for a year but she also told me he text her like every 3 months to know how she is. The other day he text her and she told me. If texted her again.... Should I see him then?


Why hasn't she blocked him?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Pepe,

Massive public exposure for the OM. He continues to assault your family.

How far away does the OM live.

Get a polygraph for your WW you many not even now have the full story.

Tamat


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

What are you going to do to get back at your wife. Are you leaving her or does she get away Scott Free.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Pepe1970 said:


> After my wife confessed to me of this affair, she cut all contact with him for a year but she also told me he text her like every 3 months to know how she is. The other day he text her and she told me. If texted her again.... Should I see him then?


The fact that the affair is more than a year old and you ask this question now says it all. He is in contact with her and you know when she tells you. How do you know she is not lying to you and the affair is still going on right under your nose? Was the guy married? Or with a significant other? If so do they know? 

What repercussions did your wife endure as a result of her affair?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

drifting on said:


> I understand the urge to confront I'm, I did twice, *but reality is they don't really care. *


Yeah, I made that call to the OM. He could care less. Even said... _"I guess you weren't taking care of business." 
_

One note, his wife had an unlisted cell number, he assumed that I would not be able to contact her (200 miles away). His tone changed abruptly when I told him his wife was going to file.


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