# Sex Addict or Serial Cheater?



## Jayne.P

Hi everyone,

I have recently found out my husband has been engaged in inappropriate sexual behaviour with other women since before we met but continuing all through our relationship, we have been together 12 years and married for nearly 7 (I am his 2nd wife). I caught him online chatting via Facebook with someone he met through one of the games and with a bit more digging found out he had a secret email address and was emailing lots of explicit sexual talk with a host of different women he'd met both on FB and on adult sites he had joined. There was also evidence of photos and videos exchanged with him masturbating in response to their videos/messages & photos or him lying naked with pictures the women had sent him on his laptop to show they were together even if not in the flesh. When I confronted him, he told me he had been using web cam sites for years when I was out of the house and that he had actually met up with one of the women he had met online 3 times for sexual encounters. he had also planned some more meetings when he was away on business but they hadn't happened as she couldn't make it. He also would stay up late chatting online with women and had advertised on swingers sites and had a couple of near meetings with couples. When I found out he suggested he may have a problem and visited a therapist who said he has a serious addiction and needs therapy at least once a week which is hard as money is tight although he has been going & he hasn't done anything he shouldn't since as far as I know, I think he is being honest now but its the devastation of what went before that is so confusing.

We had a good relationship in the main although I did feel neglected sometimes and I can now understand why. He is not an emotional man and it is hard to talk for him to about feelings so even though he says he wants the relationship to work I am not sure it can. My problem is now I know all this, I feel like I have been so deceived I am not sure if i want to stay or go. If he'd told me about this when we got together I would not have chosen to marry him or build a life with him. If we split then I will, in all probability lose my home and my financial security but is this better than living in a compromised relationship? For me fidelity and trust is so important & he knew this but still chose the path he did as he says he never thought I would find out so would never be hurt & it was all a selfish thing for him. He didn't realise the pain it would cause. My other problem is if it is an addiction caused by something in his past, should I stick with him in sickness and in health and all that?


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## In_The_Wind

Hi Jayne sorry you are here technically you are given a bibical out on this 
Where there is infidelity what you need to decide is do you want to put up with this 
Or not once you have made your decision that is the way you should go in my opinion
It doestnt matter if it is addiction or serial cheating in my book but that's me 
If your best friend told you the same story as above what would you say to them therein is your answer

Good Luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug

I've somewhat been in your spot. It really doesn't matter whether it is sexual addiction or serial cheating. Either way it's within him to stop the destructive behavior. It's about CHOICES. He can give up his bad behavior or give up his family. Don't allow him to have both.


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## nice777guy

827Aug said:


> I've somewhat been in your spot. It really doesn't matter whether it is sexual addiction or serial cheating. Either way it's within him to stop the destructive behavior. It's about CHOICES. He can give up his bad behavior or give up his family. Don't allow him to have both.


Agreed - doesn't matter what you call it - he needs to stop.


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## Jayne.P

Thanks everyone for your posts. He seems to have stopped but although we are married we have no children to worry about so I just wonder is there a chance things can be ok or will it always be there in the back of our relationship undermining everything. I totally agree it is unacceptable behaviour and I know if we weren't married I would have left when I discovered everything. But as we are married do I owe it to us to forgive him and give us a chance to put things right if he can stay on the stright and narrow? I have not come across sexual addiction before now and it's so hard to know if because there may be a cause behind it, feeling worthless etc if I should try and put my own fears and feelings aside for a while to see what happens?


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## Poppy

I found out that my husband of 14 years had sex with a girl he met in a bar on business 2 years ago. Then we moved to Singapore for his job and as soon as we got there he was sleeping with prostitutes every time he went to Hong Kong..which was a couple of times a month. I then discovered he had also been having an affair with a 29 year old Indonesian in Hong Kong when he was there. So he had me, prostitutes and her!! His affair with her lasted for a year...we were only in Asia for a year. When I found out I left Singapore with my 2 children and returned to the States. He has changed his job and returned and is seeing a therapist. He was registered with Asian dating websites too. Years ago I found him looking at porn on the internet, then discovered he went to a strip club in New York. He says it was not about sex!! He says he has not got a sexual addiction. It was about wanting intimacy without expectations. He is a compulsive liar..which has been discovered through his therapy. He cannot talk about his feelings, but is trying. I just dont know what to believe anymore. He talked to me about his therapy last night and that as he did not feel he deserved my love, he never had it and therefore that is why he sought it elswhere, but never got it there either. He cannot accept praise. I am such a loving and open and honest person and now I just dont know who he is.


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## Jayne.P

Poppy, I understand how you're feeling. It undermines everything you thought was real and makes you question your whole past with a man you don't really feel you know. My husband is the same, he doesn't talk about anything emotional and is almost robotic. If it will help to chat anything through feel free to let me know.


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## madwitt3

Find a way to go to some sex addiction meets for you both, they are free. I am sort of in the same **** creek and no paddle. That's the best I can do for you. Go to the meetings as they are fee and good luck.


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