# I need some advice about my marriage.



## MrUtzUtz (Nov 11, 2009)

My wife and I have been together for 6 1/2 years total, married for 2. We met in college and instantly fell in love and were inseparable. Over the past six years we have always had one problem. I am not the best listener and show a lack of emotion when it comes to certain things. This problem has been left to set dormant for the length of our relationship. Recently, I was told by her that she needs space. Space to get away and clear her head. She is currently in counseling for being an Adult Children of an Alcoholic. She is struggling with the fact that all her life she has put everyone before herself, which is true in our relationship. Recently, I was told by a neighbor friend that she was cheating on me with a woman that her and I were close friends with. I confronted both of them and was told that nothing physical happened and that they were close and really good friends. A part of me believes this because the neighbor friend used to be really good friends with my wife. She used to go to my wife with all her problems and my wife would help her sort them out. The one time my wife goes over to her to talk about her problems she doesn't listen and will not listen. So I believe that my wife sought advise from someone else, in this case our close lesbian friend, and this led to the bad feelings between her and my neighbor. But, there is a part of me that doesn't. I admit, I was not there emotionally for my wife. I believe she sought emotional comfort from her friend. I was wrapped up in work and simply have a hard time dealing with emotions. My wife left two weeks ago to stay at her dad's. She said she needed space to think about things and get her head on straight. Since then, I have begun counseling to better help myself with the problems that I have, communication and emotion. I really want us to work this out, but it seems like she is so distant now and is very uncertain about everything. She reassures me that she still loves me and wants to work this out, but the whole aspect of her not being around and being accused of cheating is killing me and is something that I can not sweep under the rug. No matter how many times I ask her about it, which I have pretty much quit asking now, it is always there in the back of my mind. I want to trust her, but then a part of me doesn't. She is the love of my life, and I love her to death. We still hang out here and there and talk pretty much everyday, but I need more. I want her back home so we can work on our marriage. She says she is not ready to come home until she can figure out her issues first. I just feel like it is unfair for me to be pushed to the side for her to work on this, although looking back, that is kind of what I did to her when she would come to me with an issue. I truly believe that if she came home we could work on her problems and our problems together, but she doesn't see this. I need some advise. Waiting like this is killing me.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I can understand you just want her home as you cannot see working on the marriage when you are living in different houses. However, I think she has realized that her issues go way beyond the marriage and she needs to feel whole and good about herself before she can commit to working on the marriage with you.

I know this is hard, but patience and time is what she needs right now.


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