# what are your biggest personal problems at this time? ( not marriage related)



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Mine is that I was recently able to retire from work and still off kilter as to what I'm supposed to be doing with myself now..
lol
( I am retired from a civil service job and get a pension)

I'm finding in my age group ( 45-55) most people are not that lucky and I'm finding it hard to make new friends.
The friends I do have are busy working, live a long way and we aren't able to get together or do much of anything, I know how it is, been there with being so tired and having household and personal tasks to complete before your new week starts.

I'm finding myself a little off kilter with my social life and seeking new platonic friendships, a hard thing to do in todays world.
I feel like a teenager in life, stuck between youth and old age. Hoping I can find others like myself who want nothing more of a relationship other than to hang out from time to time, perhaps into health or art related hobbies and pastimes ( no drama and drama/ chaos).

My personal issues at this time is building a new life as a retired person. There could be as many as 30 more good years and I sure want to enjoy them !
The first 4 years of early retirment were reallllllly great and I got to do a lot of thing around the house that needed to be done, but in the last year, I seem to have run out of projects, don't care to start new ones and know I need to begin a new life. Not many people in my position I know and I am thankful, yet...
seems all the people I'm meeting have lives so filled with drama, chaos and general BS, they are not even nice to be around.
so...
this is a challenge, to find and create new and worthwhile friendships and I am doing some things and trying. 
Being we plan to move in about 6 years to a complete different part of the world, I know it will be easier to meet people ( worhwhile friendships) than it is here, as the area I'm in now is mostly a working, not retirment area... and also is the fact we live far below our means in the area we're in... which lacks badly on the recreation element. Most people are only here briefly and work related, it is an area of work, not recreation and most people do not retire here, only pass through per professional matters.
so..
this is my personal challenge and it's sure not been easy for me.
My husband is fully aware of this and my challenges.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

im having a hard time getting myself to be social. and also dealing with one of my sisters.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm still dealing with being alone.  

My daughter has been there for me, always. 

But I still want a warm body next to me. Someone I can love unconditionally. Someone to share (the rest of) my life with. I just don't want to die alone. 

oh, boy...that sounds heavy!  

I just want companionship, I guess. Someone to love me and "be there"... I want someone to share a glass of wine with, dinner, a show (of some kind). IDK...

ah heck...i"m in a funk again...guess I need more rum...


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

My 33 year old daughter has brain cancer. 

She's been OK for the last three years :smthumbup:, but always have this niggling back of my mind, just under the surface feeling of expecting the next shoe to drop and the brain cancer to rear it's ugly head again .

She has three small children  and a husband of 10 years. It all bites in the mightiest sense of the word .

ANY other personal problem :scratchhead: type stuff other than that is just small change. KWIM?

Sometimes you are the bug sometimes you are the windshield. I just prefer ME being the bug and my kids *only* windshields.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

It is very difficult to find "New Old Friends"

How do you find them?

I have friends sort of that are my children's parents. We socialize around the children but not otherwise.

I have really old friends that do not live near me (30+ years).

I suppose if I don't get busy soon looking for other people to socialize with I will be out of luck.

Sociological studies say a person can only maintain about 5 core friends and an inner circle of 10, next circle of 35 and the final circle is about 100.

Some of the inner circle will include family members.

I have seen people do this at gatherings (church, family gatherings, parks, sporting games, around the neighbourhood etc.), introduce themselves, get talking, talk for a while about anything, then a random occurrence happens, you run into them somewhere unexpectedly, then a real random friendship starts. Some time will pass and you see them again. Then it is warm, like someone stoked the friendship fire for you, then time will pass you see them again, and now it is a friendship blaze. Thats when you greet each other with a big smile, big healthy handshake maybe even a pat on the shoulders on the back, women naturally hug at this time. 

This is a random occurrence for most of us mere social mortals. Some people can do this all the time.

Someone teach me how?


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

Preso, I will be your friend.

You and your husband come visit me, my city boring but if you like football or basketball Michigan State is just down the street.

We also have the Breslin Center and the Wharton Center, concerts, comedians events, Britney Spears came here so did the Back Street Boys.

-H


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husband still works so he isn't going anywhere.

I'm so looking forword to when he is able to get his work pension and we can get the heck out of here !

I am meeting people, like I said but no one I want to get to chummy with. For instance last week I met a girl who seemed very nice, but after 30 minutes and her telling me about herself and her suicide attempts I wanted no part of anything to do with her...
For one thing, she has a 2 year old and she tried to kill herself?
with the baby in the house with her?
She is plain sick... so I had to get away from her.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No partner for sex! 

Other than that, I'm pretty darn happy!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I appriciate my online buddies but prefer some people in real life to hang with and do things with.


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## Dizzy (Jun 3, 2009)

Preso, have you thought about taking a class through the community college or your local parks & rec? Something that's totally for fun? That way you could meet people and if you click, great! If not, when the class is over you don't have to see them again.


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## hubbys baby (May 26, 2009)

For me i guess its finding good honest friends, I only have one right now, but she has lots of issues, so we only talk once a week... I just lost my JOB, so I am staying home for the summer with the kids, 
My strained relationship with my family, especially my parents whom i was extremely close to before i got married the 2nd time around, which was almost a year ago,
Sometimes i feel so sad cuz i feel i have lost my parents for good and don't know how to get it back.
Other than that i am a pretty happy person. I love being married now....


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> My 33 year old daughter has brain cancer.
> 
> She's been OK for the last three years :smthumbup:, but always have this niggling back of my mind, just under the surface feeling of expecting the next shoe to drop and the brain cancer to rear it's ugly head again .
> 
> ...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

hubbys baby said:


> For me i guess its finding good honest friends, QUOTE]
> 
> 
> I will settle for "not crazy"... :lol:


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Dizzy said:


> Preso, have you thought about taking a class through the community college or your local parks & rec? Something that's totally for fun? That way you could meet people and if you click, great! If not, when the class is over you don't have to see them again.


yes- have thought of that 
and I have and have a few ideas I'm working on now.

classes are also being considered.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

As for making friends, my rule of thumb is, don't rule out anyone! Age, gender, background--doesn't matter. Everyone enriches your life. And each friend brings their friends to your life too, so your circle widens. . . someone's grandmother or younger sister may be the friend you have always wanted! It's so cool to have friends of so many ages, etc. I feel very blessed. 

Only one group I've found is not usually very conducive to good friendships: women with lots of sisters near by. These women won't have time for friends, even if the two of you click. They have family obligations all the time. You can be friends, but don't expect the friendship to progress much, even over time. Keep your eye out for THEIR friends, though! They may have others, like you, looking for closer friendships. A woman I just adore as a friend has lots of sisters, so we see each other rarely, and it's always like we pick up just where we left off--but still, rarely. I've made another much closer friend through her! And some of my closest friends are at work, and are male. Just don't try to be friends with a man to whom you have a strong sexual attraction if either of you is married. Just isn't worth it!


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> No partner for sex!
> 
> Other than that, I'm pretty darn happy!


Sister, try looking for an old friend. I'm finding LOTS of happiness there!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> As for making friends, my rule of thumb is, don't rule out anyone! Age, gender, background--doesn't matter. Everyone enriches your life. And each friend brings their friends to your life too, so your circle widens. . . someone's grandmother or younger sister may be the friend you have always wanted! It's so cool to have friends of so many ages, etc. I feel very blessed.
> 
> Only one group I've found is not usually very conducive to good friendships: women with lots of sisters near by. These women won't have time for friends, even if the two of you click. They have family obligations all the time. You can be friends, but don't expect the friendship to progress much, even over time. Keep your eye out for THEIR friends, though! They may have others, like you, looking for closer friendships. A woman I just adore as a friend has lots of sisters, so we see each other rarely, and it's always like we pick up just where we left off--but still, rarely. I've made another much closer friend through her! And some of my closest friends are at work, and are male. Just don't try to be friends with a man to whom you have a strong sexual attraction if either of you is married. Just isn't worth it!



I am used to mostly work friends and most of them all still work ! The ones who retired all left the area ( who could blame them ?)
and I planned to also move but met my husband, we married and now I wait for him.
I did not move across the country for the weather, scenery or any other reason than to work, so never made any effort to make relationships outside work or in the area. I didn't plan to be here this long. My area is full of transients, mostly people who come here for work assignments and then leave.

but.......... I'm looking into a few things so I don't end up with 
someone mentally unstable coming into my life.

Thats funny sisters... you know before I moved for my job I had 2 best friends, woman... both coming from families of 8 and 12 kids... mostly sisters.. haha... we all grew up together and lived in the same area.
Far as male friends... I've had a few but to be honest... 
prefer female friends to do girlie things with ( hair, makeup, fashion, etc).. I'm just not into anything males like to do ( sports, cars or whatever).


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## euphoria (May 31, 2009)

I have several. First, I am a physician and work in oncological research mainly..last month I found several tumors in my grandmom's lungs and had to be the one to tell her she has lung cancer. I am going through so much with that right now, I am constantly on the verge of tears. Second, I have a child with an exboyfriend (I have been with my husband for 12 years, 1st marriage) who is completely nuts and we are battling in court right now. He is completely dependant on his parents who apparently like to throw money away to lawyers and courts..it is so frustrating!!!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> I'm having some female health issues. The doc has figured out the problem, but there's no easy fix outside of a surgery I don't want to have. We thought we had found a solution but to no avail. I'm not sure where to go from here. My doc is a specialist in this area. I've been to different docs and this guy's the best. The upside is, after finding cancer cells several years ago, we were beginning to think it could be a cancerous mass. It's not. It's just aggravating.


Sorry to hear that.
I had similair issues in the past, resulted in a hysterectomy.
The surgery and result was pleasingly nice as I felt so much better.
Now the downside has hit me, early menapuase at 50... the hot flashes are killing me !


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

My daughter had a bike accident and tore her vagina hitting the bar between her legs. Spent long hours in the ER while they knocked her out and put stitches in....

My son has the stomache flu...

As a result of a C-section, I have come up with issues in my intestines (a blockage) and need surgery to repair it, which I can not afford. Nor do I have anyone to watch my kids while I'm in the hospital.

And my need to find a decent job (have 3rd job interview tomorrow after two weeks of searching) *crosses fingers


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sufficiently Breathless said:


> My daughter had a bike accident and tore her vagina hitting the bar between her legs. Spent long hours in the ER while they knocked her out and put stitches in....
> 
> My son has the stomache flu...
> 
> ...


just wanted to say GOOD LUCK on the job interview, hope it works out !


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## edbarkleyy (Jun 3, 2009)

Personal debts and mortgages? What can be worse?


_________________________
Baby Shower Baby Clothes


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

edbarkleyy said:


> Personal debts and mortgages? What can be worse?
> 
> 
> _________________________
> Baby Shower Baby Clothes


theres much worse... severe health issues for one...
not only your own but people you are related to or very close to.
I know of 50 and 60 year old women and men who are taking care of aging parents, I know 23 year old people who have had a sick baby.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

dcrim said:


> I'm still dealing with being alone.
> 
> 
> But I still want a warm body next to me. Someone I can love unconditionally. Someone to share (the rest of) my life with. I just don't want to die alone.
> ...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> Thank you. Unfortunately, the doctor said a hysterectomy would cause further problems. He told me I'm actually better off leaving everything in for stability. I think I'm just gonna suck it up for awhile longer as the surgery isn't foolproof. He said I shouldn't have to worry about any major issues for another fifteen years--just discomfort.


As women living in this time, we are very fortunate of all they can do with the technology.
I had a hyst THROUGH MY BELLYBUTTON !!!!
The 3rd day after the surgery I was already home and felt so good I wanted to go out walking around because I had all this NEW ENERGY.
I was like WOW... this rocks ! and I felt so so so good for about 5 years... until the hot flashes.
but, its still better than PRE-SURGERY where I was so sick and in pain all the time with so much bleeding and anemia.
We are blessed to be alive in this time as think about our poor great and great great grandmothers... oh my ! how they must have suffered so bad


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> Man. You've got a lot on you. When it rains, it pours, huh? How's your daughter doing?



She's doing fine.. i think a little traumitized and scared to ride her bike.. but shes healing well.. trying to get a 7 year old to sit and rest for most of the day is not an easy task... if she starts becoming active she bleeds .. so making her sit and rest is the hardest part right now.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Sufficiently Breathless said:


> She's doing fine.. i think a little traumitized and scared to ride her bike.. but shes healing well.. trying to get a 7 year old to sit and rest for most of the day is not an easy task... if she starts becoming active she bleeds .. so making her sit and rest is the hardest part right now.


Poor girl!! and poor mama. I have nothing but sympathy for your family; tough time. It will make life seem so much better down the road, when these things are just bad memories. Hang in there!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

dcrim said:


> I'm still dealing with being alone.
> 
> My daughter has been there for me, always.
> 
> ...



u could always come and do my washing , if your that bored. :rofl:


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

Update...

Job interview went FABULOUS!! They even said if I havent heard from them by monday I can email and hound them until I get an answer. I'm soooooooo excited....

On another note.. my daughter has had some yellowy icky discharge from her vagina since getting those stitches, *cries* 

So we are going to the doctor tomorrow to check and make sure its not an infection.. hopefully it isnt.. poor thing.. shes so scared to ride her bike now! I remember as kid hitting my crotch on that bar on the bike.. and never EVER did I get damage this bad.. Its heart wrenching really. But when I ask her if shes ok, she says her skinned up leg bothers her more than her "girly parts"


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sufficiently Breathless said:


> Update...
> 
> Job interview went FABULOUS!! They even said if I havent heard from them by monday I can email and hound them until I get an answer. I'm soooooooo excited....
> 
> ...


glad to hear that ! :smthumbup:


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

My issue lately has been my health...
head to toe, top to bottom. UGGHH.
Everything hurts, every day....And I'm too young for that! (Just turned 38).

As for friendships, I don't get it either... I'm a great, loyal friend to anyone who wants one, and I'm VERY outgoing/social...But go figure if I can't find any friends! As I go for walks with my little girl, I'm always open to meeting new people...I ended up talking a couple of times with a young woman who is approx. my age, who also had a little girl, about the same age as my girl. Well, after having GREAT conversations, I told her: "Well, you know, anytime you like, just pop on over to my place for a cup of tea or coffee"! (Then I pointed to my house, because we we close by... )
The next time I saw her, she tried to make a BEELINE away from me, as fast as she could!

What the HE&% is that?!!!!!! Why are so many people so scared out of their minds to make friends?! What did she think, that I was gonna lure her into my house so I could do something nasty to her? Or does she think I'm off to kidnap her kid? I just can't believe it sometimes.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

my issues right now is dealing with being a stay at home mum ...when the kid are at school most of the day .... finding it soooo borring ... have joined a gym and am making myself get out but ive a longing to go back to work.
Just what do others do to fill that time between school and home time ? apart from meeting lunches with girlfriends ive kinda fed up with that lol and im all shopped out !!


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