# So confused



## mamaof2 (May 13, 2012)

I am a young mom of 2 young children, 3 & 1. I met my husband in sept of 2007, got married in Aug of 08 and had our first child in Nov of 08. I know it sound's silly to have gotten married so fast, it wasn't because I was pregnant but we truly loved each other.
Life changed when my husband got the Iphone, there's a app that allows people to take random picture's of things and send them to others. Well my husband was sending pictures of me to others, private ones at that! But it wasn't even that that hurt me the most! I had just found out I was pregnant with our 2nd son a month prior to this. 
I got a call at 11pm from my best friend, saying that she found picture's on her husbands phone of me! One's that my husband had sent, come to find out he was asking her husband to send him photo's of her! He also asked my sisters fiance to do the same!!!! 
We went to counseling, marriage and separate. I couldn't just throw in the towel not having a young daughter and a baby on the way! Our marriage counseling turned to be all about him and how to get back to our sexual life! Nothing about the emotional aspect of our marriage. After having our son, I returned to work after taking 2 years off. I also go to school at night. So school full time, work full time, and being a young mom of 2 i'm working on juggling everything, I have NO desire for sex! Not just no desire for my husband but none in general! I talked over and over again with my doctor and they said it's natural and im busy, and tired and there is nothing i can take to give that desire back to me.
A couple of day's ago my husband had left his phone home, i went thru it. only to find naked pictures of females saved to his phone next to our children's photos! After further investigation I found an email to a radio station from him saying he thought I was cheating on him!!! WHEN IN HELL WOULD I HAVE TIME?! Then I found the worse, he was looking at craigslist for one night stands, or a quick screw. He drives around for work during the days, and he was in a town where there was an ad for, he sent someone an email saying "im going to be down there in a few do you wanna do this?"............ there was no reply but the intent was there! So the next day after an emotional night. He came home, to tell me that he's calling quits. Saying all this BS that I deserve better and that he can't do better, Yet I do deserve better but I want it from him!!! He also thought that life would resume back to normal one year from the 1st incident, that I would be able to trust him and that our sex life would improve, like magic! 
So now instead of thinking about counseling and trying it from a different stand point he just wants to walk away, because we already went through counseling and he feel's that it was enough! It honestly kills me to even think about divorce and all I can think is he's doing this because maybe he did in fact cheat on me and he would rather leave me then tell me. But now, I have to worry about keeping our two young children out of this as well as trying to make it as normal as possible. 
I keep trying to figure this all out but im so confused, because he has chosen to walk away, leaving my heart shattered in a million pieces and he won't talk to anyone. What do I do? Where do I go?


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

mamaof2 said:


> So the next day after an emotional night. He came home, to tell me that he's calling quits. Saying all this BS that I deserve better and that he can't do better,
> 
> Yet I do deserve better but I want it from him!!!


It is terrible that he wants to call it quits but I wonder in what way did you think this forum could change his mind? I can't think of anything you could do to change his mind since he refuses marriage counseling.

Some men marry to have regular coochie around or marry because they think they will. That type of man doesn't understand that sometimes over the long term and due to circumstances that are a part of life, that the bedroom won't always be on fire necessarily. He hasn't the mental fortitude to care or understand, and he hasn't the tenacity to endure. Your husband needs to get out of his own head and grow up to face the reality of real life, rather than thinking life is about him living out his sexual fantasies. You are not his blow up doll, but he will never stop objectifying and disrespecting you. He will never grow up and is trying to tell that he doesn't want to.

I know you do, but I don't see your problem as being all about him. I see your problem as being all about you because you live inside your own head too. Your fantasy is having the perfect husband, and you won't see this man for who and what he really is. One question to ask yourself is why you want a man who disrespects you so severely. Another question to ask yourself is when will you learn you can't have everything you want. It would be nice if he were your fantasy guy, but he isn't no matter how much you wish it.

Love doesn't mean allowing yourself to be treated just any kind of way. I would be livid over him sending my pictures to other men as if I were his wh*re. I wouldn't want to be with a man who does such a thing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with what River has to say and want to add more.
I definitely get that your husband has done some things that are unacceptable… the photos, the craigslist hookups. 

You say that you are in school full time, work full time and then you have children to care for. So you have little to no interest in sex. 

How did you intend on maintaining a marriage when you give no time and effort to your husband?

You complained that the counseling was just about him wanting sex with you and it did not touch on your emotional needs.

Do you realize that sex is the way a man creates his strongest emotional connection with his wife; that without it he loses his emotional connection to you?

You are not being realistic to think that you can have a good marriage, have the schedule you have and ignore intimacy with your husband.


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