# She just walked out on me



## This is me

I am at a loss. This might be the end of our marriage.

9 months ago she told me she wanted to divorce me. Shocked me with the news. I have been the one trying to work on our marriage and make it better, but can see my efforts have not working. Got us to go to a MC for a few sessons, but that didn't work, bought Mort Fertels book and got her to read it with me, but she claimed she did agree with most of it.

Slowly things had been improving up until this past week when she denied getting intimate. Her reason was because of an incident that happened which was upsetting to me at her family gathering and blamed me because of her feelings after. 

I told her I can not be responsible for her feelings only she can, but she refuses to believe this and blames me.

Tonight I asked her if she would do the 5 Love Languages test with me and she refused, which lead back to the discussion about her turning on me. At one point she got up and said she was done and headed out the door.

I am at a loss. What do I do now? This is the complete opposite of what I wanted.


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## that_girl

Do nothing. As hard as that sounds, do nothing. It will only push her further away. 

 I am so sorry...I know the feeling. It sucks. It more than sucks. It's completely gut-wrenching.


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## trey69

I'm really sorry this is happening. 

However, she is telling you and showing you what she wants/doesn't want. Believe her and listen to it.


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> Do nothing. As hard as that sounds, do nothing. It will only push her further away.
> 
> I am so sorry...I know the feeling. It sucks. It more than sucks. It's completely gut-wrenching.


I am in deep pain. How do I do nothing and how long do I do it? What can I expect next? Should I be doing something for myself right now?


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## trey69

This is me said:


> I am in deep pain. How do I do nothing and how long do I do it? What can I expect next? Should I be doing something for myself right now?


You need to take care of and worry about you right now. You can't change her, you can't make her love you, or want to stay married etc. It sounds like you have done a lot. Its up to her, and if shes not willing to work on it, you need to call it for what it is, and go from there.


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## This is me

trey69 said:


> I'm really sorry this is happening.
> 
> However, she is telling you and showing you what she wants/doesn't want. Believe her and listen to it.


I believe her, but I can't help her with her own feelings. Only she can.


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## that_girl

This is me said:


> I am in deep pain. How do I do nothing and how long do I do it? What can I expect next? Should I be doing something for myself right now?


My husband walked out on me one night out of the blue. I know that pain. Like someone punched you in the gut...along with other emotions.

But do nothing. Just sit and think for a while. Breathe and just find your center. Anything you do right now will be out of panic and fear and will make you look like a fool (in her eyes). Find yourself...your core. Seriously. The night my husband walked out, I called my dear friend and he talked me down to where I could breathe and just be still...no panic, no fear. it allowed me to think clearer and in a couple days, I had a plan.


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## This is me

trey69 said:


> You need to take care of and worry about you right now. You can't change her, you can't make her love you, or want to stay married etc. It sounds like you have done a lot. Its up to her, and if shes not willing to work on it, you need to call it for what it is, and go from there.


I agree. This is so sad, for I do not want our marriage to end and still see it through this tough time as a good marriage that needs a tune up. But she has refused to give more than the bare minimum to correct it.


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> My husband walked out on me one night out of the blue. I know that pain. Like someone punched you in the gut...along with other emotions.
> 
> But do nothing. Just sit and think for a while. Breathe and just find your center. Anything you do right now will be out of panic and fear and will make you look like a fool (in her eyes). Find yourself...your core. Seriously. The night my husband walked out, I called my dear friend and he talked me down to where I could breathe and just be still...no panic, no fear. it allowed me to think clearer and in a couple days, I had a plan.


Thank you. It is good to know you are there. What was your plan?


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## the guy

Let me get this right.......you did everything to work on the M, and she continues to walk away from it. 

Dude, she has your number and she knows for a fact that she can do and act any way she wants b/c you will always be there for her.

Try something new;
Wish her the best and thank you for a wonderful marriage. Inform her you are looking for something more in a spouse and and are now confident in moving on with out her and wish her "no hard feelings".

My take is once she sees a confident man that knows what he wants, she my change her mind. My thinking is if she has a real perception that you *can* move on with out her and there is a perception that she may lose you for good, it may get her to think twice about how she treates you. It's my opinion that people want what they can't have!

Granted this could back fire and she may reply in kind and thank you for letting go, but the fact would remain as it is now, in that she is in fact moving on, and even though you now no longer empower her by begging for the relationship, there is a good chance you will empower your self by just letting her go and find a kind of love that is recipricated from someone else.


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## Shaggy

Change the locks while she is out.

It sounds lie you been gaslighted repeatedly by her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

the guy said:


> Let me get this right.......you did everything to work on the M, and she continues to walk away from it.
> 
> Dude, she has your number and she knows for a fact that she can do and act any way she wants b/c you will always be there for her.
> 
> Try something new;
> Wish her the best and thank you for a wonderful marriage. Inform her you are looking for something more in a spouse and and are now confident in moving on with out her and wish her "no hard feelings".
> 
> My take is once she sees a confident man that knows what he wants, she my change her mind. My thinking is if she has a real perception that you *can* move on with out her and there is a perception that she may lose you for good, it may get her to think twice about how she treates you. It's my opinion that people want what they can't have!
> 
> Granted this could back fire and she may reply in kind and thank you for letting go, but the fact would remain as it is now, in that she is in fact moving on, and even though you now no longer empower her by begging for the relationship, there is a good chance you will empower your self by just letting her go and find a kind of love that is recipricated from someone else.


:smthumbup:


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## This is me

When this all started back in February I was distraught, begged and promised I would do whatever it takes. After a several weeks of falling apart, I learned about the 180 and a method similar to what "the guy" is saying. 

I told her on the way to church that I thought hard about it and I agree the marriage is a mess. If this is what she wants than I agree to go our seperate ways. During church it was obvious she was very upset and at one point she asked if we could leave. When we hit the parking lot she burst out crying, which was the first time she showed emotion in a heartfelt way. She asked me if we could spend the day together and we did. It did not take long for her to go back to less than engaged in the marriage.

I can only guess that I gave in too soon and she never got to miss me. I did revisit the 180 information tonight, but wonder if this will work again. I guess it is true that I have to face up that we may be over anyway. So sad.

I have seen the gaslight term before and not sure I fully understand what it means. Not so much a doormat but someone who is kept lit?

I appreciate any and all thoughts. Could be a long nigt for me.


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## that_girl

The 180 does work. Then we feel like it's been enough time and we stop the 180 and it goes back to how it was.

Pick it up again and hold out this time. Let her be the one to initiate reconciliation. You gotta be strong and know you're doing it for your own sanity. That roller coaster is a betch.

Don't ride it.  Easier said than done....but...yea.


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## This is me

When reading through the 180, I now regret that I stopped. I can see how I have been showing weakness in my efforts which is unattractive. Got to Man up and get sleep if I can.


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## that_girl

Hope you can get some sleep. It always helps when trying to think.


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## This is me

Thank you. I am going to try. Good night!


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## the guy

When you wake up, keep this in mind the 180 is not about the effects it has on her but the effect it has on you.

Point in turn here " I can see how Iv'e been showing weakness"

Thats the the great thing about the 180...you start to see your self in a different light and make the changes with in your self ...for your self.

My take is you tried the 180 for her,and its really ment for you! Take this new approach with you and it will serve you better the next time a round.


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## This is me

Got about 3 hours of sleep. Tried some benadryl, didn't help too much. What an awful feeling, waking to an empty house and not knowing what the day brings. Do I buy new locks? 

I agree with 'the guy' that I need to make it a 180 day and days going forward, as hard as it will be. I feel that I need some support too. Where ever she ended up last night will likely have major ripple effects as our families that know each other well.

Any thoughts on things I should be doing to protect myself if this is the end?


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## JustWaiting

For yourself, since you mentioned church, watch the videos at. MarriageToday.com. As for protecting yourself, if that means you are looking for legal answers, see a lawyer. I am not suggesting you rush anything or file for divorce, but if you want legal advice, go to a lawyer who specializes in family law. Don't do all the things you will do anyway, like trying to figure out all the things you have done wrong. You won't get any answers doing that. Don't think that God and everyone is letting you down. Don't try to be her counselor or psychologist. If she's in this disconnect and fog, she will just find that irritating. Whatever she is doing or thinking or up to will end. Repeat, it will end. If you want her, just be there when it does end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

The thing about church is we went every week since the earliest days of our marriage. She actually got me to go back after being single and had fallen away. After all this started to happen earlier this year, she did not want to go anymore, she would rather workout or not go at all. 17 years we went nearly every week and after D day it dwindled to not at all. Sad. I always felt that it was a good glue to our marriage.

She told me I should still go if I want, and maybe I should have, but thought it would make it obvious we were not the couple we once were to those who know us there. 

Boy I hate this lost feeling.


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## unsure78

This is me- i feel your pain and I am currently going though the same type- of thing a month ago my husband said he was leaving and had no connection with me anymore- he came back that night but mostly because he really had no where to go and loves our son dearly- i put in a lot of work over the last month and things seemed to be going better- laughing, talking, joking more than in years- even more intimacy- until i asked him about it it was the same story - still no connection- i am heartbroken- the person i lived for for the last 13 years- he has agreed to stay at home for the next 2 years for the sake of our son, and prob mostly for his own benefit ( since he couldn't make it on his own alone) but it killing me i try to be upbeat but i dont know what i can to to make him feel for me again- and i know the answer is nothing-


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## that_girl

Tylenol PM helped me sleep. Shhh don't tell anyone. lol. I don't really like sleeping aids, but omg....as a mother of 2, having 2 hours of sleep a night for a week was not cutting it. 

Hope you get more sleep tonight.

Contact a lawyer and see what you should do...financially, especially.


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> Tylenol PM helped me sleep. Shhh don't tell anyone. lol. I don't really like sleeping aids, but omg....as a mother of 2, having 2 hours of sleep a night for a week was not cutting it.
> 
> Hope you get more sleep tonight.
> 
> Contact a lawyer and see what you should do...financially, especially.


I agree, prefer not to take them and Benadryl usually does it, but under this situation I can see how it failed. 

She came by for her cloths and things today and we talked for a moment. She told me she was going to have her paycheck direct deposited into a new account. I asked her not to do that because there are still many bills that we count on both of our checks to pay. She has been buying a ton of cloths in the past few months, I think I am starting to see why.

I will have to look into a lawyer next week.


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## that_girl

Well, at least that's over.

Close out the account if you can so she can't take any money.


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## This is me

unsure78 said:


> This is me- i feel your pain and I am currently going though the same type- of thing a month ago my husband said he was leaving and had no connection with me anymore- he came back that night but mostly because he really had no where to go and loves our son dearly- i put in a lot of work over the last month and things seemed to be going better- laughing, talking, joking more than in years- even more intimacy- until i asked him about it it was the same story - still no connection- i am heartbroken- the person i lived for for the last 13 years- he has agreed to stay at home for the next 2 years for the sake of our son, and prob mostly for his own benefit ( since he couldn't make it on his own alone) but it killing me i try to be upbeat but i dont know what i can to to make him feel for me again- and i know the answer is nothing-


I am sorry to hear that Unsure78. This is a situation I never expect to find myself in. She has been giving so many mixed signals in recent weeks and it looked like we were heading in the right direction, and then boom she is gone. Her main complaint is all on me and her lack of feelings and being connected to me. Why did she say she loved me 10 days ago?


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## that_girl

This is me said:


> I am sorry to hear that Unsure78. This is a situation I never expect to find myself in. She has been giving so many mixed signals in recent weeks and it looked like we were heading in the right direction, and then boom she is gone. Her main complaint is all on me and her lack of feelings and being connected to me. Why did she say she loved me 10 days ago?


My husband threw me a party for my birthday one week before he left.

The night before, we made love.

I think it's because she DOES love you...that's not the issue.

My husband said he loved me and always has. Although he didn't cheat.


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> My husband threw me a party for my birthday one week before he left.
> 
> The night before, we made love.
> 
> I think it's because she DOES love you...that's not the issue.
> 
> My husband said he loved me and always has. Although he didn't cheat.


After our short talk today about finances, I told her in a gentle way that it sounds like you have made a final decision, but if she can take a few days to see if she would like to continue to try, that I am on board. She gave me something I have been missing for months, a hug. I truly believe she loves me, she even repeated that she does not think I am a bad guy. So why give up on us?


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## Stonewall

that_girl said:


> My husband walked out on me one night out of the blue. I know that pain. Like someone punched you in the gut...along with other emotions.
> 
> But do nothing. Just sit and think for a while. Breathe and just find your center. Anything you do right now will be out of panic and fear and will make you look like a fool (in her eyes). Find yourself...your core. Seriously. The night my husband walked out, I called my dear friend and he talked me down to where I could breathe and just be still...no panic, no fear. it allowed me to think clearer and in a couple days, I had a plan.


That girl is dead on. I know it hurts but shes right as rain.


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## sammy3

Hi~ 

I've been around here for about 6 months now...

I would like to share this...I'm the BS ,hubs the wayward... all wayward wants of late, the marriage back... he has been begging me, courting me, gifting me,flowering me...doing everything possible, and all I want to do is scream.... 'STOP' !!! This is driving me crazy !!! More he begs the more I lean back...

Finally... it seems he is getting the message, and I am ever so grateful...I need space and time ... I would give anything for him to do the 180 !!!!

This is my experience ...

~sammy


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## This is me

I tried to do the best of the 180 today but still show I will be there if she wants to work on it. I ran through the 180 with my sister and tried to show a positive confident me to her when she came by to get her stuff.


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## that_girl

Excellent. 

Next time you see her (don't initiate contact to do this...just when/if it happens) be aloof and don't offer information.

She knows you want to work it out. Now it's up to her. 

If you drink, go get a cold beer. You deserve it. lol Cheers


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> Excellent.
> 
> Next time you see her (don't initiate contact to do this...just when/if it happens) be aloof and don't offer information.
> 
> She knows you want to work it out. Now it's up to her.
> 
> If you drink, go get a cold beer. You deserve it. lol Cheers


When we talked today she agreed to meet Monday to go over financials. I asked that if she comes over that she give me a heads up before and she agreed.

I will plan to reread the 180 before I see her.

I had a glass of Baileys tonight and it tasted very good. Cheers


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## This is me

Update: So Sunday Morning my seperated Wife called me to say she needed to stop by again to collect more stuff. When she arrived, we sat and talked for quite a while. She told me she was having a hard time with this and even made the comment that she was thinking to herself that I am NOT an abuser, bad guy and other things. I took this as she was starting to question what she is doing. She still blames me for her feelings, and later mentioned she finds me as controlling, insecure and jealous. She stopped and did not want to address these. 

I again offered to do MC with her since we only tried one who we both didn't find helpful, she said she would think about it. I told her I would be seeking IC and she said I should do that first and then she would think about it. More mixed signals.

I guess I broke the 180 rule of not discussing the marriage unless she does, although she kind of was in a round about way.

Back to work today. Will try to stay focused. Wish me well.


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## unsure78

Good Luck this is me- I hope you can win her back with a 180 and maybe give me some hope- The worst part about this is the mixed signals- i dont know what is true and how long i can keep this up for


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## 2yearsince

Hey, I responded to you sammy but I just saw this. I can TOTALLY relate. I think my wife knows what I want and is trying everything to get it to blow over. She is taking the kids everyday to everything (I have always been the one to do that), she doesnt ask me to do anything around the house, she is SUPER nice, she is going to counseling, and she comes back wanting to tell me all the positive stuff she learned. I also want to just say stop too. I am happy for her to get better but I know what is in my heart and dont really know how to react so it would be easier for her to stop it all. I feel bad about it. I feel like if I am nice and interact I will give her hope but I also dont want to have us end up bitter (though I know that is hard to avoid when it is not mutual).


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## that_girl

Let the idea of MC go. Do IC and just do it...don't tell her about it. Improve your outlook and self.

She is wavering but don't show any excitment. I mean, in all reality, anything she does right now should be questioned, treat it that way. Be happy for her if she's seeing things straight, but be hesitant because people in EA/PAs go back and forth...guilt is a betch.

Good luck to you.


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## Carriage

Ug I have been round and round with my husband and the 180 works! We have had multiple breakups and although we love one another I have learned that it is so true when one believes they may lose you they begin to think differently. If you let your wife know she can come and go and toy with your feelings she will continue to do so. Set boundaries and keep them! I really feel for you as I could totally relate to your posts. I wish you the very best and hope everything works out for you.


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## This is me

unsure78 said:


> Good Luck this is me- I hope you can win her back with a 180 and maybe give me some hope- The worst part about this is the mixed signals- i dont know what is true and how long i can keep this up for


I agree. She emailed me yesterday to wish me well with the day and asked if I had registered yet with the IC/MC. She then asked if I could let her know when I have. How I read this is she is half interested with going to MC again, but non-committed. 

What got us in to problems is Venician communications which are very hard to translate. At this point it would be very helpful if she would just be blunt.

Got to reread the 180.


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## This is me

that_girl said:


> Let the idea of MC go. Do IC and just do it...don't tell her about it. Improve your outlook and self.
> 
> She is wavering but don't show any excitment. I mean, in all reality, anything she does right now should be questioned, treat it that way. Be happy for her if she's seeing things straight, but be hesitant because people in EA/PAs go back and forth...guilt is a betch.
> 
> Good luck to you.


You can see what I just wrote. You see this so clearly. This is exactly what I picked up from the email in a round about way. Why else would she ask? Right?

Too late in not telling her. She knows that I am seeking help. The interesting thing is she saw my interest in going more as me looking to correct the things she blames me for rather than me looking to help my own pain.

I never replied to the email yesterday, which is not typical. Of course I question whether to reply or not all day. 

What to do. Time to reread the 180 list.


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## This is me

Carriage said:


> Ug I have been round and round with my husband and the 180 works! We have had multiple breakups and although we love one another I have learned that it is so true when one believes they may lose you they begin to think differently. If you let your wife know she can come and go and toy with your feelings she will continue to do so. Set boundaries and keep them! I really feel for you as I could totally relate to your posts. I wish you the very best and hope everything works out for you.


Thank you Carriage. I need encouragement and your post helps. With her no longer living here with me it is very tough to see this ever repairing, but as one of my sisters said yesterday, what we did before was not working, so time to do something different. 180.

Got to wrap my head around being positive and what is best for me and not make the failed us #1.


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## This is me

One question: Not replying to the email yesterday was not typical for me. She was giving signs of hope and care in the email, which I ignored. I fear she will feel snubbed which will help her justify her path of exit. Should I have just acknowledged it, or was it best to ignore it?


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## 2yearsince

Ignore IMO. It shows real change in your heart and lets her now you are serious and not doing it for her.


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## Shamwow

I would ignore it as well. Atypical behavior is exactly what you want to show her (without being a jerk, of course). I know exactly the feeling you're talking about...not wanting her to feel snubbed. But in reality, you do want her to feel snubbed. Not to be mean, but to let her know that you are living your own life as well and are not on pins and needles waiting to hear from her.

In my recent experience with my W, the mystery will most likely not infuriate or hurt her, but make her wonder why you didn't respond. This is good, IMO. When she asks (and she will) just tell her you were busy and hadn't gotten back to her yet. Not a lie, as you ARE busy working out your life, and, well, haven't gotten back to her yet.

Good luck, 180 works wonders for yourself, and hopefully in your case it brings her around.


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## jayde

This is me said:


> I agree. She emailed me yesterday to wish me well with the day and asked if I had registered yet with the IC/MC. She then asked if I could let her know when I have. How I read this is she is half interested with going to MC again, but non-committed.


TIM - It's good you're doing the 180. I don't think you should let her know when you're starting your IC. This is your business and not hers. I can only see this as a way for her to keep you engaged - and perhaps in control. She can ask you about _your_ IC and try to get you to talk about it which would seem to show interest - but will give her more info about you (very not-180). Give her the name/number for the MC and tell her (nicely, but don't ask) to call you when _ she's_ made the appointment. This will show whether or not she is interested/or not in doing MC. In my situation, my wife was all over the place about whether to do MC or not (like, change her mind 6 times in a 20 minute conversation to MC or not). So long as I had the MC number, it was my responsibility - but she could control me by bantering me to call. Once I gave the number to W and tossed it in her court, I haven't heard about it again. Hmmmm. Good luck!


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## This is me

So she just called and asked if everything is OK and wondering why I didn't reply to the email. I told her I was really busy. She asked me to call back when I can. 

Shame on me for saying I would in an hour. I need to read the 180 list again as I have to drive and make the call.


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## This is me

UPDATE: So I called her on the drive and kept it light, cheerful, etc. Then went quiet. She asked if I had made an appointment with the IC. I said I was waiting to hear back then went quiet, pause, she asks, did you want me to go? I said do you want to go? She said, I think so. So I said I will being doing the IC for me and I would like it if you made the arrangements for the MC. We agreed to talk in a couple days.


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## Dadof3

I feel a MC confession coming on......


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## This is me

So got the name of a MC/IC that was recommended. Emailed her to let her know I got a time on Monday, and she agreed to go.


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## This is me

Need thoughts. Is this breaking the 180? and since we are going looking for advice on how I should continue 180 in front of a MC?


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## Dadof3

keep the 180 up.


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## scione

Yes, keep 180 until she is fully committed to coming back to you.


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## chillymorn

scione said:


> Yes, keep 180 until she is fully committed to coming back to you.


keep it up FOREVER


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## jayde

This is me said:


> So got the name of a MC/IC that was recommended. Emailed her to let her know I got a time on Monday, and she agreed to go.


I think you calling the MC, making an appointment and emailing the W is still pandering to the W. I understand that you want to move this forward and work toward resolution, but your W does not have any skin in the MC game. I think you'll come across as getting the party all ready and standing there with your tail wagging like a happy little puppy until (if) she arrives. "Look honey, look what I did for us."

I'll be really curious to see if she shows up on Monday or whatever other games/stunts she pulls.

I would put a few $ down betting that you will email/call/txt the W to 'remind' her about the MC appt, lest she 'forget'. Or, that you will have to try very hard not to do this. Resist. If she's a no-show, or very late, you will have gained valuable field intelligence. 

Not sure about the 180 at the MC. This would depend how the MC wants to structure the session. I don't think going in there and spilling your guts about everything you think you may have done wrong in the marriage would be advisable - this would give your wife the stage to sit back and say, "You see - it is his fault."

Good luck.


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## This is me

jayde said:


> I think you calling the MC, making an appointment and emailing the W is still pandering to the W. I understand that you want to move this forward and work toward resolution, but your W does not have any skin in the MC game. I think you'll come across as getting the party all ready and standing there with your tail wagging like a happy little puppy until (if) she arrives. "Look honey, look what I did for us."
> 
> I'll be really curious to see if she shows up on Monday or whatever other games/stunts she pulls.
> 
> I would put a few $ down betting that you will email/call/txt the W to 'remind' her about the MC appt, lest she 'forget'. Or, that you will have to try very hard not to do this. Resist. If she's a no-show, or very late, you will have gained valuable field intelligence.
> 
> Not sure about the 180 at the MC. This would depend how the MC wants to structure the session. I don't think going in there and spilling your guts about everything you think you may have done wrong in the marriage would be advisable - this would give your wife the stage to sit back and say, "You see - it is his fault."
> 
> Good luck.


I am certain she will show up. The 180 shocked her a bit and it is obvious she is the one now looking for me. I don't disagree that my moving this along may not have been a 180 move, but she is on board and actually sounded somewhat happy or relieved that we have this on the calendar. She even sent a message that said "Sounds good, lets talk later this week and I'll come by over the weekend-OK?". The weekend comment was in reference to a conversation I had with her about some things I need help with around the house.

I reached out to Divorce busters today for some coaching advice. I can see that my moves to repair things which I thought I was delicate about are what actually pushed her away. Thought before MC I might be helpful to avoid mistakes.


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## shstrang98

Let me preface this by saying that I've never been through something like this within the parameters of marriage I have experienced similar. The pain is gut-wrenching but whatever you do don't act like you give a damn. 

If you act like you care (and I'm sure you're dying inside) it will give her upper hand and she will see you as weak. 

As much as I hate to say this it sounds like she's already found someone else while married to you. If she denies it she's probably lying. 

Change the locks while she is out, change your phone number and refuse any further contact with her. Secure an attorney and above all get yourself tested for STD's. 

I know this sound harsh but you must now think of yourself and NOT her. 

Someday you will find a woman that treats you with respect (as you will her) and you'll look back on this and wonder why you ever cared.


----------



## Lon

shstrang98, I've been occasionally looking at this thread to see how long it would take for someone to bring up infidelity. It is really hard to jump to that conclusion because the OP hasn't really mentioned any clear red flags - the types of behavior his W seems to be exhibiting are certainly consistent with cheating, however I think it is equally as consistent among any spouse that is choosing to end the marriage, or ask for a separation at the very least.

But you are right, TIM should definitely be prepared mentally and emotionally for such a bomb to drop. doing the 180 will help, so all the advice he's been given here has been useful so far...


----------



## jayde

How'd MC go TIM?


----------



## This is me

It didn't happen. Somehow the appointment was not written in and they were waiting for a confirmation. I clearly said yes it will be either me or the both of us. 

We ended up going to Panera to look for another MC. The other one would have been very difficult for us both with limited mid day time far away from where we both work.

We just found another who agreed to do an initial over the weekend and then if she works out will meet with us once a week near her office and where I travel.

Our time at Panera included some hand holding. It ended with a couple of hugs and a kiss on the lips.

It gave me hope.


----------



## DailyGrind

TIM.. What is going on? Any news?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Darkhorse

DailyGrind said:


> TIM.. What is going on? Any news?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lots of news...he just started other threads


----------



## This is me

Sorry. In hindsight I would have just kept one thread going. 

We have had a three sessions of MC and I have had 2 IC sessions. She agreed to do IC as well and starts this weekend. The last MC session was very tough for me to see her pull out several sheets of repeated and written bad memories. These have all been covered and apologies made to her (for my part) in the past year. In defense the new MC needed examples on our communication breakdowns.

I have Loved her through this whole mess of a year and hoped she would shake the fog, but the one thought that stuck in my head during this session was the question to myself....do you really want to be married to her anymore. That was the first time I really had that thought to that degree. Not sure if this is good or bad, since when I first found out she wanted to divorce I always wanted to fix this and get our loving marriage back. 

Now I am starting to think she may have pushed me so far that I am now losing interest like she did. Just sad. I will not give up as I know it will take a while before any changes can be made, but this guy is getting very tired of limboland while she is living with all the distractions her family is giving her at her sisters much larger and nicer home. While I sit here by myself with all the memories we built together for 17 years.

I have had a couple of offers from family to have me stay with them on Christmas eve. Not sure if I need it, but it is really nice to know there are loved ones thinking of me.


----------



## This is me

Boy do I feel tired today. Not sure if it is the winter weather, disrupted sleep for over a month, maybe even slight case of depression coming on from all of this. 

Just want to go take a nap, but need to make a living.


----------



## southern wife

This is me said:


> I have had a couple of offers from family to have me stay with them on Christmas eve. Not sure if I need it, but it is really nice to know there are loved ones thinking of me.


I think you should take them up on their offers and stay with your family over the holidays. It will be better than staying home..........alone.............with your thoughts.


----------



## This is me

southern wife said:


> I think you should take them up on their offers and stay with your family over the holidays. It will be better than staying home..........alone.............with your thoughts.


I am giving it serious consideration. Although I have not been sleeping very well for weeks, I would likely sleep better in my own bed. I might just plan on being out late with them and heading over early. We will see.


----------



## DailyGrind

This is me said:


> *Although I have not been sleeping very well for weeks*


I'm with you there, Brotha!


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

This is me said:


> the one thought that stuck in my head during this session was the question to myself....do you really want to be married to her anymore.
> Now I am starting to think she may have pushed me so far that I am now losing interest like she did


There is not a day that goes by that I don't ask myself this question. But I don't wait for an answer.

I tell my wife how much I love her, I verbalize my total commitment to her and our marriage, I show affection at every turn and I always try to be respectful and considerate. All this in the face of little or no reciprocation and regardless of how I feel. I answer this question through will and action and full expectation that what I want will materialize. I hope I can convince you to do the same. Feeling is a flash in the pan whereas will is sustainable


----------



## This is me

Ten_year_hubby said:


> There is not a day that goes by that I don't ask myself this question. But I don't wait for an answer.
> 
> I tell my wife how much I love her, I verbalize my total commitment to her and our marriage, I show affection at every turn and I always try to be respectful and considerate. All this in the face of little or no reciprocation and regardless of how I feel. I answer this question through will and action and full expectation that what I want will materialize. I hope I can convince you to do the same. Feeling is a flash in the pan whereas will is sustainable


Been there and done that for months. It was not working and she walked away. I think this approach may have pushed her to seperation. Now I am doing the 180 more than I ever have. 

My heart wants to show her all the love I still have left, and work at our marriage, but again, this did not work and may have had the opposite effect. 

I am trying to be as patient as I can and give her the space she needs, but being in limbo is very difficult. She is driving the bus and since she moved out, I am only responding to her communications and not initiating in the hopes she will either start showing she wants to make it work, or that I get stronger to be able to deal with the possible divorce.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby

This is me said:


> Been there and done that for months. It was not working and she walked away. I think this approach may have pushed her to seperation. Now I am doing the 180 more than I ever have.
> 
> My heart wants to show her all the love I still have left, and work at our marriage, but again, this did not work and may have had the opposite effect.
> 
> I am trying to be as patient as I can and give her the space she needs, but being in limbo is very difficult. She is driving the bus and since she moved out, I am only responding to her communications and not initiating in the hopes she will either start showing she wants to make it work, or that I get stronger to be able to deal with the possible divorce.


Sorry, I misunderstood. If she's still out of the house your best bet is to let her do what she wants and treat her like you are already divorced.

The question in my mind is not whether or not you want to be married to your wife, because of course you do. The question I had when I was in your situation is "Do I want to be married to someone else". If you're like me, the longer things stay the same with your wife, the harder it is to answer that question no.

Although I'm not recommending it, the holidays are a good time to hook up


----------



## This is me

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Sorry, I misunderstood. If she's still out of the house your best bet is to let her do what she wants and treat her like you are already divorced.
> 
> The question in my mind is not whether or not you want to be married to your wife, because of course you do. The question I had when I was in your situation is "Do I want to be married to someone else". If you're like me, the longer things stay the same with your wife, the harder it is to answer that question no.
> 
> Although I'm not recommending it, the holidays are a good time to hook up


She is the only one I have ever wanted to be married to, but she fell out of love with me for whatever reason. I can not make her change, only she can. I have really tried to show her I am willing to change, but she claims I am unchangeable...I do not believe that and frankly, I think she is the one showing she is unwilling to change.

I have thought about a new relationship and understand finding the right mate would likely be a long process. But need to accept if this does not repair, that I want to grow old with someone who can love me.

I have learned to live with the WAW's idiosyncracies and not make the bad ones an issue. Not sure she has given me the same acceptance, maybe thats just the nice guy in me having changed for her, believing she would reward me if I made her happy.

This is so hard, as we have not talked since Monday at MC and she just left me a message saying she might come by this Sunday and asked that I give her a call. 

I hate this. Just want to be in a mutual loving marriage like we all dream of and I once had with her.


----------



## This is me

Came out of IC last night to see she had called again to make sure I knew she would be coming by Sunday. Not sure what this means? Is it her way of just keeping us connected by a string?

She will be coming by after her first IC. The Counselor will be seeing if she can get her to make some commitments in regards to more frequent time together, calls, dates and even mentioned ramping up to her moving back for a couple days at a time. Don't have much faith she will be showing any efforts by her history. More talk than action.

I think if she does not show she is willing to work towards this, then she will need to know how this limbo world is not working for me.

I woke this morning with the Don Henley song "Heart of the matter" in my head. How appropriate.


----------



## that_girl

I'm rootin' for ya, TIM!


----------



## This is me

that_girl said:


> I'm rootin' for ya, TIM!


You're back `~)! 

Thank you for the support!!!


----------



## This is me

So yesterday she came by after IC. We did lunch and she did not want to talk about her session. When coming back from lunch I asked her if we could talk for a while. She didn't want to, claiming we should just do it in MC. I suggested that at some point we need to talk because the MC is only a guide, we have to do the work.

She gave in. We talked longer than I thought she would, but several times it was clear she was ready to stop. We never raised voices and the topics were pretty standard and typical to the past ones. 

She still blames me for everything. I gently reminded her that I have been the one offer change and working to fix this, but that she will have to change too. She seemed perplexed and asked for specifics. I said this is something she will need to discover on her own maybe with the help of the IC.

Our MC suggested we work towards dates and more time together, which I believe they had discussed at IC. Again she resisted and then offered more communication where I said I don't think that is helpful. She eventually gave in to more visits with each other, maybe once during the week.

I left the meeting thinking I was grateful to be able to share the talk, but felt that, as per usual, it was all me trying, her denying and then eventually giving in. I believe she has to own it to want it.

So tonight at MC, I think I am going to retract the offer unless she really wants to meet more often. Not to be snotty, but because I believe at this stage she believes this is me controlling, when actually I am just trying to increase our communication and work on it. How else can I prove myself?

one side note. I know this is typical for MLC and WAW, but when she repeated my comments from discussions past, in many cases she would exaggerate my comments to an extreme. All I can think is what her family and friends think of me if she is explaining her custom words of what I said, which makes the thought of reconcile even harder to imagine.


----------



## that_girl

I would just back off all together and let HER initiate contact/dates. She will ...just not now.

Is MC working for you? I can't imagine that talking about all the problems is a good thing. Maybe some time apart...no contact at all...would give you both a better perspective of life with and without each other.


----------



## Dadof3

I get the feeling that the IC / MC is going NO WHERE. She may have a personality disorder that doesn't easily allow her to introspect. Do you really want to stay married to someone who can't introspect and meet you half way?


----------



## This is me

that_girl said:


> I would just back off all together and let HER initiate contact/dates. She will ...just not now.
> 
> Is MC working for you? I can't imagine that talking about all the problems is a good thing. Maybe some time apart...no contact at all...would give you both a better perspective of life with and without each other.


She just called and is feeling ill. Will not be making MC tonight and asked that I reschedule later in the week. I will still go tonight to the IC/MC. When she called I offered to retract the increased meetings, but she did not take the offer? Seems she may want to meet more, but who knows....she is very hard to read for both me and the MC.

I like the MC and since this has been going on for more than a year now, I believe it is helpful to have a MC work with us. The MC promised not to dwell on the past and understands the concerns. I think at this point she is just trying to get a feel for the breakdowns.

Talking with my brother, who has known about this situation the longest, he, like me, believes she is suffering from MLC. She seems very confused on what she wants. The sad thing is even if she comes out of the fog, the damage that is going on with others could still end us.

I am torn on whether completely breaking off communication is better than trying to find solutions. One thing is for sure, the only thing that will truly have to change if this will ever correct the situation is her. I am already there.


----------



## This is me

Dadof3 said:


> I get the feeling that the IC / MC is going NO WHERE. She may have a personality disorder that doesn't easily allow her to introspect. Do you really want to stay married to someone who can't introspect and meet you half way?


With 17 years of time together I strongly believe there is something elso going on inside of her. I am not one who throws the baby out with the bath water. From everything I have read on MLC's is they usually come around, but patience is critical.

I believe I will know when enough is enough, should it come to that point.


----------



## Trying2figureitout

This is me said:


> With 17 years of time together I strongly believe there is something elso going on inside of her. I am not one who throws the baby out with the bath water. From everything I have read on MLC's is they usually come around, but patience is critical.
> 
> I believe I will know when enough is enough, should it come to that point.


TIM...

My only other angle is that if I remember your story right...you don't have kids. That could be why she is so on the fence.... to be "burdened" with you or having a fun free lifestyle.

I think you might want to just push divorce on her and see where she falls after that. I don't think she is in a place to make a rational decision and that a YES OR NO is what she needs.

You can be free of this too. Believe me I understand the attachment factor.. I think my situation is actually better because of the kids. My wife does not want to break up the family and neither do I so I think her and I will find a way to work our situation out soon.

Just giving you another perspective.


----------



## This is me

Trying2figureitout said:


> TIM...
> 
> My only other angle is that if I remember your story right...you don't have kids. That could be why she is so on the fence.... to be "burdened" with you or having a fun free lifestyle.
> 
> I think you might want to just push divorce on her and see where she falls after that. I don't think she is in a place to make a rational decision and that a YES OR NO is what she needs.
> 
> You can be free of this too. Believe me I understand the attachment factor.. I think my situation is actually better because of the kids. My wife does not want to break up the family and neither do I so I think her and I will find a way to work our situation out soon.
> 
> Just giving you another perspective.


I believe that day will come if she does not show signs of coming back. One thing is for certain, no one can ever say that I did not give it my all.


----------



## This is me

Must have had too much wine tonight. My mind is flooded with memories of our favorite vacation place. The Ice Cream Shop, Drive In Theater, our beach, little shops she liked to shop at and I would wait pateintly, our drives through the country, so many and a place went nearly every year for 17 years. Twice this year as we were trying to work on our marriage and now she is gone. 

I know I should not torture myself. But how can she not see the beauty in all of these beautiful days we spent together?

I hope to understand this someday.


----------



## sammy3

Because for some reason those memories are tarnish for her right now.
I dont know if I missed it somewhere, but what lead her to want to leave? People usually just don't wake up one day and announce,"Im leaving!" without a reason .

~sammy


----------



## This is me

Learn about the Walk Away Wife syndrome. She had been planning an exit for months maybe years, before. I had no idea. When she faced it she balked the first few times. When she finally did it last November we were just talking and it was like all of her other actions, a shock to me.

She internalizes everything till is becomes resentment than anger. She should play poker, because she does not show it till it is an explosion. The list of reasons is many and varied. Right or wrong all her issues I have sincerely asked for an apology and have made changes to validate and prove change. Then the target moves. She has also reverted back to things over ten years old, rewritten history and dwells on them.

She is confused and I am not sure it can be helped.


----------



## Jellybeans

So what is the update? Did either of you file? Living apart/together?


----------



## This is me

We are approaching week 10 of seperation. Last week was very hard for me and I found out for her, as well. We spent time together on Sunday and I shared with her that I am done with limbo and ready to move on.

At first she agreed and we talked about seperating the assets. As time went on, it was clear she was having doubts. By the end of the day she was crying. 

We both do care for each other and I have never wanted to divorce, but I do not want to be strung along anymore. I did meet with a Lawyer on Monday right before our MC meeting and understand our options and what the next steps will be.

At MC, I shared that we had 'the talk" and was done with limboland. The MC asked her what she thought, where she stated she hoped for more time. She was then asked what she would be willing to do. She did not offer much more than we are currently doing.

I was then asked what I wanted and a compromise was made. She will come home this weekend and stay at the house. We will also drive together to individual sessions on Saturday and then have MC on Monday after to review.

At least we will see how it goes this weekend and if we can't continue working towards more time together and a joyous marriage, then I will visit the lawyer again and move on with my life.

I only hope she does not revert back as she has done so many times this past year. Please pray for us!


----------



## 381917

the guy said:


> Let me get this right.......you did everything to work on the M, and she continues to walk away from it.
> 
> Dude, she has your number and she knows for a fact that she can do and act any way she wants b/c you will always be there for her.
> 
> Try something new;
> Wish her the best and thank you for a wonderful marriage. Inform her you are looking for something more in a spouse and and are now confident in moving on with out her and wish her "no hard feelings".
> 
> My take is once she sees a confident man that knows what he wants, she my change her mind. My thinking is if she has a real perception that you *can* move on with out her and there is a perception that she may lose you for good, it may get her to think twice about how she treates you. It's my opinion that people want what they can't have!
> 
> Granted this could back fire and she may reply in kind and thank you for letting go, but the fact would remain as it is now, in that she is in fact moving on, and even though you now no longer empower her by begging for the relationship, there is a good chance you will empower your self by just letting her go and find a kind of love that is recipricated from someone else.


:iagree: Hope things work out for you.


----------



## Phillips

Happy for you, I hope I can have the same end results tmw when I go.


----------



## Kevinb

This is me said:


> With 17 years of time together I strongly believe there is something elso going on inside of her. I am not one who throws the baby out with the bath water. From everything I have read on MLC's is they usually come around, but patience is critical.
> 
> I believe I will know when enough is enough, should it come to that point.


Could someone pls tel mevwhat "MLC's"mean
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

Mid life crisis


----------



## This is me

UPDATE:

She just left here a while ago. All in all it was pleasant, She came by Friday and we had dinner then hung out, Saturday we had counseling (seperate) then lunch and a movie, did a little shopping and of course meals together. We didn't spend alot of time talking about the relationship, but more just being together. I suggested we do this again and she agreed, which should be next weekend. We do have marriage counciling tomorrow night and will recap the weekend and plan next steps at the session.

In the end I am not sure what will happen, but I want this to go one way or the other, so I can have a life again.


----------



## This is me

So after a nice weekend last weekend and agreeing to do the same this weekend, she bailed out of coming by this weekend with excuses. When I pointed this out in a gentle email which is what our MC recommended I do, she used the email as the reason to say she was over.

I had a family member read the email and confirmed it was just factual and not written in a mean way at all. The WAW claimed I was bullying her in the email, which I was not at all. Just an excuse.

So onward I go. New life ahead.

Part of me is relieved that I know where I am going now, but the biggest part is worried about the tough road to divorce ahead, not to mention the ongoing loneliness.

Thanks to those who have been there for me through this painful year. I hope and pray I can find someone in my future who will stand up for the relationship.


----------



## Lon

The loneliness is temporary. The tough road ahead will be rewarding. There are wonderful people, most likely atleast one that will want to go the distance with you, you will likely get a hold of one when you are ready to reach out and grab her.


----------



## This is me

Lon said:


> The loneliness is temporary. The tough road ahead will be rewarding. There are wonderful people, most likely atleast one that will want to go the distance with you, you will likely get a hold of one when you are ready to reach out and grab her.


I know. Actually after 3 months of seperation, I have adjusted to a comfortable life on my own. I appreciate the encouraging words about the future. I havn't dated in 20 years and wasn't very good at it back then. Took me along time to find who i thought was Mrs. Right. Took her 17 years to make herself Mrs. Wrong.

Thanks again for the words of encouragement!


----------



## Lon

yeah it is definitely hard to learn to trust. Rebound or not, any new relationship is going to be vastly different than what you perceived your life was going to be for so many years.


----------



## memyselfandi

I hate to say this, but if she wants out..let her go. 

It sounds like you've played all of her games..you back off..she comes back, etc. Some women just like the drama of it all, but is that what you want the rest of your life?

If I were you, I'd tell her that you're going to move out for awhile (if it's affordable on your end)...as you need some time to think things through. I really don't think the two of you are going to come to any terms living under the same roof since it's too easy for her right now. She can have you when she wants you..and if you make yourself completly unavailable..well..that may make her think twice about the divorce.

You getting your own place...it's a start in the right direction and YOU will hold the leads on this relationship for once. Take time for yourself and if she wants to see you...turn her down and tell her that you're not ready. I hate to say "Play her game" but play it..yet in the meantime..take time to do some real soul searching and ask yourself if this relationship is really making you happy.

Get used to being alone in your own place, as it will help you get grounded and find some peace, along with finding yourself again. When she contacts you...set boundaries. There are TWO of you in this relationship..not one and it's no longer all about her.

If you do this, I promise you two things: Either the two of you will reconcile and she'll realize that you will no longer be her doormat...or you will realize that you've become so independant of her and have enough confidence in yourself to let her move on.

Good luck..and I hope everything works out the best for you!!


----------



## This is me

She moved out about 3 months ago and I think it is over for sure this time. This has been going on for a year.

I hate the swing of emotions. OK one minute, sad the next, angry the next.....I wish there was a pill for this, but I understand it is healthy to go through the emotions when grieving.

Thanks for the well wishes.


----------



## Chaparral

Get on with your life, you never know what the future might bring with your wife but there is no advantage to keep spinning your wheels. Good luck and best wishes for your new found freedom. Spend it wisely (having fun).


----------



## This is me

chapparal said:


> Get on with your life, you never know what the future might bring with your wife but there is no advantage to keep spinning your wheels. Good luck and best wishes for your new found freedom. Spend it wisely (having fun).


You are right. I need to put on new tires for the ride ahead. Spun all the treads off that last set. I will be looking for better days ahead.


----------



## This is me

So after IC today, I return home to find her here. We agreed to meet to discuss dividing the assets and discuss the amicable divorce lawyering.

She had a different agenda. She told me she loved me with tears. She told me she was afraid, I asked afraid of what. Her mind went on and on and finally she said, fear of loving you forever. She sat next to me and indirectly rubbed my hand.

I would say she is really confused. She met with a high priced divorce lawyer a couple of days ago. Wonder if the reality of what was discussed got her thinking.

The other very interesting thing that happened this week. She called me every day and emailed me to see how I was doing. She would not do this while we were working on reconciliation. Bizarre.

I was advised and agreed that I need to keep moving on with the Divorce. The only thing that should stop it is if she comes out on her own and tells me she will give 100% and actually do it.


----------



## Conrad

This is me said:


> So after IC today, I return home to find her here. We agreed to meet to discuss dividing the assets and discuss the amicable divorce lawyering.
> 
> She had a different agenda. She told me she loved me with tears. She told me she was afraid, I asked afraid of what. Her mind went on and on and finally she said, fear of loving you forever. She sat next to me and indirectly rubbed my hand.
> 
> I would say she is really confused. She met with a high priced divorce lawyer a couple of days ago. Wonder if the reality of what was discussed got her thinking.
> 
> The other very interesting thing that happened this week. She called me every day and emailed me to see how I was doing. She would not do this while we were working on reconciliation. Bizarre.
> 
> I was advised and agreed that I need to keep moving on with the Divorce. The only thing that should stop it is if she comes out on her own and tells me she will give 100% and actually do it.


I haven't read all your threads.

Did you ever discuss what her childhood was like?


----------



## DTO

This is me said:


> So after IC today, I return home to find her here. We agreed to meet to discuss dividing the assets and discuss the amicable divorce lawyering.
> 
> She had a different agenda. She told me she loved me with tears. She told me she was afraid, I asked afraid of what. Her mind went on and on and finally she said, fear of loving you forever. She sat next to me and indirectly rubbed my hand.
> 
> I would say she is really confused. She met with a high priced divorce lawyer a couple of days ago. Wonder if the reality of what was discussed got her thinking.
> 
> The other very interesting thing that happened this week. She called me every day and emailed me to see how I was doing. She would not do this while we were working on reconciliation. Bizarre.
> 
> I was advised and agreed that I need to keep moving on with the Divorce. The only thing that should stop it is if she comes out on her own and tells me she will give 100% and actually do it.


Where's your lawyer?


----------



## This is me

Conrad said:


> I haven't read all your threads.
> 
> Did you ever discuss what her childhood was like?


We grew up near each other and know her family pretty well.

Interesting you should ask. We had been in counseling for months and we were at the point where the MC was talking about her tranisitioning the little girl inside. I am not sure if she was picking up on it.

I noticed it well before counseling. She became a victim and took the role of a little girl in discussions of our marriage. Frustrating when you once had a wife and woman.

In her eyes, I am the only reason our marriage is failing. Even when shown the stats that 2/3 of all Divorces are filed by women in her age group, she does not take any resposibility for her behaviors, including an EA.

Sometimes she gives signs of understanding, but for the most part she will not look introspectively and at the same time holds everything in. 

All I know is my heart wants one thing but my head sees that as foolish at this point.


----------



## This is me

chapparal said:


> Get on with your life, you never know what the future might bring with your wife but there is no advantage to keep spinning your wheels. Good luck and best wishes for your new found freedom. Spend it wisely (having fun).


Running on ice for sure. I thought I had clear direction a few days ago and once again she hits me with the uncertainty. It is painful and really hard for me to take a final stand, but see the wisdom in it.

Always the fear of future regret, but believe a year of this is plenty.


----------



## Chaparral

One thing you might think about is what kind of relationship you will have if you divorce. For example, if my wife did this I believe we would be totally done. I would not be her friend and have to watch her dating and loving some other man up. If you feel like this you need to let her know you will no longer be around.


----------



## spudster

> One thing you might think about is what kind of relationship you will have if you divorce. For example, if my wife did this I believe we would be totally done. I would not be her friend and have to watch her dating and loving some other man up. If you feel like this you need to let her know you will no longer be around.


Agreed. She is playing him like a violin and he needs to put a stop to it.


----------



## Chaparral

Send her this song on youtube. Its the one Shamwows ex sent him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY


----------



## dymo

chapparal said:


> Send her this song on youtube. Its the one Shamwows ex sent him.
> 
> Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official video - YouTube


"I told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company".

Seems more like a song a wayward/walkaway would send than the other way round.

Plus the guy in the song comes off as a bit of a douche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

For, me the point is that the betrayed spouse chooses to put the wayward spouse in the category of someone he/she used to know. Don't call me, I'll call you................not. Shamwows wife is complaining because he doesn't want to be friends and make nice. No?


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## dymo

chapparal said:


> For, me the point is that the betrayed spouse chooses to put the wayward spouse in the category of someone he/she used to know. Don't call me, I'll call you................not. Shamwows wife is complaining because he doesn't want to be friends and make nice. No?


The song was perfect for Shamwow's wife to send. Every word. Did quite a number on him. Here, it's not as nice a fit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

dymo said:


> The song was perfect for Shamwow's wife to send. Every word. Here, it's not as nice a fit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you take every word in the song, I thought parts of it wwere very insulting to Shamwow. However, I don't think she meant it that way. 

I don't see that it would be difficult for tim's wife to figure out how she fits in the song but I've been wrong before.


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## This is me

Pretty wild video and cool song. 

I can see she is confused and afraid of the reality of the future ahead. Who wouldn't be? I for one wrestle with the loss of companionship and honestly I believe we were very good companions. I think she got blinded at one point and started seeing the 5% bad moments as 95% of our relationship. She could not and cannot forgive certain events and let the resentment and anger build-up.

She is a Momma's girl, the youngest of six and I believe they have, to some degree, kept her in that role and/or she never grew out of that role. Hence the acting like a victim and running away.

She scheduled another session with the MC for us later this week. My issue is it is putting me right back where we were before in limbo land. Part of me wants to see where it can go, the other wants me to proceed with the divorce. I am thinking I will do both.


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## Chaparral

It doesn't hurt to keep both options open that I can see.


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## This is me

The sad part is I believe we are done. This what my gut is telling me and not certain if going through more of this is good for either of us anymore. I do not see her meeting my needs anymore and not even certain she knows what she wants.

I want clarity and off this ride!


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## spudster

> Part of me wants to see where it can go, the other wants me to proceed with the divorce. I am thinking I will do both.


Having her served divorce papers may be the 2x4 upside the head she needs to snap her out of dreamland. Divorces can always be called off if R does happen. If it does not, then you are that much closer to freedom.



> The sad part is I believe we are done. This what my gut is telling me and not certain if going through more of this is good for either of us anymore. I do not see her meeting my needs anymore and not even certain she knows what she wants.
> 
> I want clarity and off this ride!


This is what you have to accept if you are to move on... the knowledge that you cannot control her or the direction of your marriage. All you can do is take care of yourself and protect yourself.


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