# Serious girlfriend and co-worker



## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

So, a little background. I'm a long time lurker and decided to register today because I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend and I have been together two years, I adopted her child (father left the picture very early in his life.) I had planned on asking this girl to marry me soon.

Last month she was being very distant with me and the sex was not as often as it usually is so it got me curious that something else may be causing this stuff. So I checked our phone bill and seen that she has been texting this male co-worker every single day for a month, mostly texts and some picture messages. I confronted her about it and she claimed that it was mainly about work. Not believing her I dug deeper into it and got a program to read deleted messages from an Itunes backup. Come to find out she was sending him pictures of herself and and one video of under boob that I saw. I again confronted her about this and she broke down and said it was just an emotional thing because she wasn't getting the attention from me that she needs and this guy was more than willing to give her that attention. They took lunch together, no idea if it was at the work place or somewhere else. He is engaged and claimed he isn't happy blah blah.

Anyways, after I got this all out in the open with her she agreed to cut off contact with him and they no longer work in the same department anymore. This was three weeks ago. The bill is clean of his number yet she still carries her phone everywhere she goes, never leaving it alone. I know she likes to be on FB and pinterest a lot but it's hard to believe she cut off all contact that fast after texting 24/7. 

Am I being paranoid about this situation? Any advice to help me put this behind us would be greatly appreciated, thank you!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Girlfriend?

Dump her. But stay in her kid's life, OK?


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

It is unrealistic that she would immediately cut off contact with him. A long time ago when I was the victim of cheating, I had to endure this type of situation. At that time I told her to cut off contact with him. She moved out. It ended up taking her 6 months to get over OM #1. Your girlfriend has feelings for this guy and they take time to eliminate. She has to do that on her own, but she needs to show you that she means business. She agreed to cut off contact with him, but she was agreeing out of necessity, not out of sincerity. She made an agreement that she did not have the conviction to follow.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

She probably did more than what she is telling you.

But regardless of whether she did or not, she is still being secretive and has pi$$ poor boundaries. 

In not so many words, she's a bad candidate for marriage. Expect more of the same or worse when you ultimately experience road-bumps in your marriage. 

Time to move on.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

You guys aren't even married and she is doing this? Not good
First red flag is the carrying of the phone everywhere....I doubt she had broken off all contact. There are different apps out there that can be used instead of texting.
She needs to be totally transparent for this to work...no passwords etc.

I wouldn't even think about marrying her. Not yet.
If and when you do this has to be completely resolved with both of you understanding boundaries.


Sent from my iPhone


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You should take a look at some of the threads on here. This is common. Your girlfriend either never really was into you all that much, or she's just a person with little or no character. Either one of these makes her totally unfit for marriage. She wouldn't marry you anyway, right now. She doesn't love you. You will get that speech soon-- withing 2 months most likely. I love you but I'm not in love with you.
You adopted her child legally and not even married? That wasn't smart. You'll be paying dearly for this child very soon, unless you get full custody. I would try for that.

Sorry, your girlfriend isn't marriage material. MOVE ON. Today!

Or not, be a weak person and accept this and have a horrible life. You have no choice but to dump her if you want to be with a faithful person.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

It is time for you to move on. She is still lying to you and there is more to her story. She wanted to blame you because you didnt show her enough attention. Cheaters always do that my friend,they always find someone else to blame.

Find yourself another girlfriend. If you love young boy try and stay in his life. 

Stay strong.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

You adopted her kid, you might as well stay in the kids life you are gonna be paying for it.

Did anyone tell you this may not be a good idea family or friends?


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## Alister (Apr 15, 2015)

I been in this situation and trust me when I say that this is not over. More then likely you just made her drive further underground. My spouse started using a bogus email address and that's how they talked. There are many ways to hide an affair in the Internet world. Keep digging, if she has an iPhone go on her safari at the bottom of the screen it should show frequently visited website. It should show 2 or 3 sites she goes to frequently. Check out what them sites are. And most definitely check her phone for apps, skype, kik, etc...! One thing is for sure is someone in a affair will slip at some point and forget to delete search history or other evidence that's on the phone. When I confronted my spouse I had hard evidence that she could not deny. Keep your mouth shut and your eyes wide open. As far as me telling you to stay or dump her...only you can answer that question.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP, can you please confirm if you legally adopted this child? Or do you mean informal adoption, in that you agreed with your girlfriend to raise the child as if your own?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

dash74 said:


> You adopted her kid, you might as well stay in the kids life you are gonna be paying for it.
> 
> Did anyone tell you this may not be a good idea family or friends?


Absolutely

I honestly thought the court would not let you adopt her child unless you two are married. It is not possibly. You must be married before you can legally adopt....

Also, even if the father is not in the picture, he is still require to sign away his parental rights.


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

The father signed away all of his rights and was a no show to fight against the adoption. I legally adopted her son


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You've been with a girl for 2 years and you adopt her kid without being married? I know this is going to sound hateful, but it seems like few women really appreciate a man doing that for them. 

For a man to take another man's kid as his own is so freaking HUGE. Many of these men give up their opportunity to have their own biological legacy so they can put their time & resources to raise, in the majority of cases, some bad boy's legacy.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Raiders4564 said:


> The father signed away all of his rights and was a no show to fight against the adoption. I legally adopted her son


Why would you do that if you are only her BF and been dating for 2 years???


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Raiders4564 said:


> The father signed away all of his rights and was a no show to fight against the adoption. I legally adopted her son



:slap:

Aye, yie, yie.


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

I was in the child's life since he was 8 months old. We weren't dating yet but seeing each other. Started dating a couple months later, I adopted him a year and a half later and I'm literally all he knows as dad. I'm 30 years old and I've had problems trying to conceive in the past. This definitely felt right doing for the child and myself, regardless of what happens to his mother and I.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> So, a little background. I'm a long time lurker and decided to register today because I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend and I have been together two years, I adopted her child (father left the picture very early in his life.) I had planned on asking this girl to marry me soon.
> 
> Last month she was being very distant with me and the sex was not as often as it usually is so it got me curious that something else may be causing this stuff. So I checked our phone bill and seen that she has been texting this male co-worker every single day for a month, mostly texts and some picture messages. I confronted her about it and she claimed that it was mainly about work. Not believing her I dug deeper into it and got a program to read deleted messages from an Itunes backup. Come to find out she was sending him pictures of herself and and one video of under boob that I saw. I again confronted her about this and she broke down and said it was just an emotional thing because she wasn't getting the attention from me that she needs and this guy was more than willing to give her that attention. They took lunch together, no idea if it was at the work place or somewhere else. He is engaged and claimed he isn't happy blah blah.
> 
> ...


Get rid of her. She will cheat forever. You shouldn't have adopted a kid before marrying the girl.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

We just had a thread from another guy about your age who did the same thing. His wife is leaving him for a 41 year old Doctor. 

Did you get yourself checked to see if the problem was you. It could have been your partner. For her to be cheating so soon into a relationship after what you did is so heart breaking. 

It just solidifies my thinking on this subject. You end up paying to raise some other man's kid for the next 18 years, while the woman that you did this for, will possibly get married and have another man's kids. If you meet another woman that ends up having your baby, your blood child will have less resources due to you spending on another man's kid. Not to mention how this will limit your pool of women because a man with a child is a deal breaker for many women.

I know it sound heartless but I'm just talking selfish evolution.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> I was in the child's life since he was 8 months old. We weren't dating yet but seeing each other. Started dating a couple months later, I adopted him a year and a half later and I'm literally all he knows as dad. I'm 30 years old and I've had problems trying to conceive in the past. This definitely felt right doing for the child and myself, regardless of what happens to his mother and I.


Well if you're shooting blanks that's one way to do it I guess, just get a hosectamy and next her 

See a lawyer and find out about your rights for what good that will do and get ready for family court it's real and fun but not real fun

Had a scout's stepdad adopt him wife ran off 2 months after it went through and she moved 700 mi away with son and divorced him


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There's a reason the child's father isn't around. Assuming he knows he has a child, he's either pretty useless (in which case, her judgment is in serious question because she picked him to have sex with) or he's not entirely useless but can't or won't spend time with his kid (maybe because mom's a load of psycho). One has to wonder about the judgment of a mother who would let some dude become an equal parent of her child without the security of a marriage. One really has to wonder about a woman who would do that and then strart sneaking around with some other guy. If this relationship goes south, she could lose custody of her natural child. Drop her like a bad habit. You can't trust her and her own kid really can't.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'd break up with her. She's using you, most likely she used you so you'd adopt her kid and now ...guess what? You'll now be paying child support for another man's kid, after breaking up with a woman who was cheating on you. The laws aren't fair to men. But, break up with her...do not marry her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Raiders4564 said:


> So, a little background. I'm a long time lurker and decided to register today because I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. My girlfriend and I have been together two years, I adopted her child (father left the picture very early in his life.) I had planned on asking this girl to marry me soon.
> 
> Last month she was being very distant with me and the sex was not as often as it usually is so it got me curious that something else may be causing this stuff. So I checked our phone bill and seen that she has been texting this male co-worker every single day for a month, mostly texts and some picture messages. I confronted her about it and she claimed that it was mainly about work. Not believing her I dug deeper into it and got a program to read deleted messages from an Itunes backup. Come to find out she was sending him pictures of herself and and one video of under boob that I saw. I again confronted her about this and she broke down and said it was just an emotional thing because she wasn't getting the attention from me that she needs and this guy was more than willing to give her that attention. They took lunch together, no idea if it was at the work place or somewhere else. He is engaged and claimed he isn't happy blah blah.
> 
> ...



Your gf had a previous guy that got her pregnant and then left her.

You meet her and start dating.

You're a great guy, taking care of her kid and even wanting to marry her. WOW.

Then she starts having an Emotional Affair and possibly more you don't know about.

Her excuse, she needs more attention, etc.

She could of texted you, sent you sexy pics of herself but she chose another guy.


She obviously is the issue and not you. Maybe part of the reason her last guy left her?


I say, move on. Don't marry this woman. She is the problem and not you.

She sees you as a nice guy and nice guys get used and abused.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Do you buy a car that breaks during a test drive?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

About half a year after you adopted her son she is trying to get something going with another man (a real classy one too, engaged but sooo unhappy. Call off the engagement, douche...) because she needs attention?

Sounds more like she tried to find a s*cker to be the father and now that she has found him she is ready to ride into the sunshine with anyone who is willing, except the s*cker, of course.

Do you want to be with someone like that?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

jsmart said:


> You've been with a girl for 2 years and you adopt her kid without being married? I know this is going to sound hateful, but it seems like few women really appreciate a man doing that for them.
> 
> For a man to take another man's kid as his own is so freaking HUGE. Many of these men give up their opportunity to have their own biological legacy so they can put their time & resources to raise, in the majority of cases, some bad boy's legacy.


This is why women continue to have children irresponsibly. _Someone _will take care of them.


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

she changed apps.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> This is why women continue to have children irresponsibly. _Someone _will take care of them.


When you have the guvment hammock ready to provide housing, food, internet, cell phone, and basically everthing middleclass works hard to have, what's to fear from dating bad boys.

When you have the "family" courts ensuring cash & prizes for blowing up your family why try to be loyal loving wife.

When you have thirsty beta men so desperate for female companionship that they're willing to raise another man's kids, why bother being chaise, might as well ride the carousel. 

These women give themselves in every way possible to all the carefree guys when they're young and tight, then when the bloom is falling off the rose they marry a desperate beta, who provides a queens lifestyle but is rewarded with a vanilla sex life until she can no longer endure the boredom and has a passionate sexual PA with a jerk that she wishes she could run off with.

So as single women, or married women, there is no incentive for self-control. Luckily most women don't behave this way but FAR to many do, an even far more give moral cover for those that do.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

She's still using her phone to chat with him. Demand it THEN AND THERE. Don't give her a moment to delete anything or accidentally "break" phone. 

Frankly you're probably going to have to file. You'll know within .8 seconds of asking for the phone if it's still being used for that. 

Also, he didn't change departments in case you were wondering. 

Is her boyfriend married?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

eric1 said:


> She's still using her phone to chat with him. Demand it THEN AND THERE. Don't give her a moment to delete anything or accidentally "break" phone.
> 
> Frankly you're probably going to have to file. You'll know within .8 seconds of asking for the phone if it's still being used for that.
> 
> ...


They're not even married yet. He adopted her son without even marrying her. :scratchhead:


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

oh snap! #waytooearly


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Perhaps I was not clear enough. 

YOU CANNOT ADOPT your GF child without being married. 

The court is smart like that, because they foresee events like this.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

ne9907 said:


> YOU CANNOT ADOPT your GF child without being married.
> 
> The court is smart like that, because they foresee events like this.


From searching online, it does appear legal to adopt your GF child. Are you saying he "should not" adopt the GF child?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe Narnia has different laws.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Let me guess.

Adopting her kid was her idea?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

To get back on topic.... 
You need to keep on eye on her.
What has she learned from this and what does she plan on doing to affair proof the relationship?

There is a good chance she could do this again if she doesn't take the step she needs to take to fix her self.

If she is in fact continuing this cheating after confronted her...she just might be broken for good.

So, let things cool down for a couple of weeks then pick up the investigation again....you might want to step it up by adding a GPS and a VAR.

Sure this may sound over the top, but before you guys get married lets see what she is capable after already being confronted.


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## pinkroses (Jan 12, 2016)

You girlfriend needs to figure out why she has such poor boundaries. If she sent her co-worker a picture of her under boob it means what they have has been going on for quite some time. It's not about whether you take her back or not because if she doesn't work on adhering to stronger boundaries with opposite sex, she will be a repeat offender.

Cheaters keep cheating not because they are bad people, they cheat because they are weak and were never able to understand, work on and solve what it was that caused them to start cheating in the first place.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> I was in the child's life since he was 8 months old. We weren't dating yet but seeing each other. Started dating a couple months later, I adopted him a year and a half later and I'm literally all he knows as dad. I'm 30 years old and I've had problems trying to conceive in the past. This definitely felt right doing for the child and myself, regardless of what happens to his mother and I.


As long as you don't mind paying child support if she finds an OM


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

Dude...run for the hills! Do it before you tie the knot with her. You have an easy(er) out (what with the kid and all), than a lot of the other guys on here.


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## MovingFrwrd (Dec 22, 2015)

Wow.

Sorry you're here, and I'll admit I've never heard this type of situation before. As you gather information, you will need to confront her with it, and she needs to come clean. I do agree that if she's still carrying her phone around like it's a lost treasure, you can bet your adopted child's adoption papers that there something on it that she doesn't want you to see.

I'm highly skeptical it's her Words With Friends letter tiles that she's hiding.

I hope for you the worst of it's along the lines of an EA. Most men can recover from this better than a PA, though relationship boundaries need to be set and both of you must enforce them.

I'll admit to being highly curious to see your answer to Marduk's question about who's idea it was for the adoption.

Keep us in the loop. Don't do anything rash at this time.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

pinkroses said:


> You girlfriend needs to figure out why she has such poor boundaries. If she sent her co-worker a picture of her under boob it means what they have has been going on for quite some time.


I think that sending semi-nude pictures is beyond crossing a boundary. It's cheating. And it's strong evidence that either she has already had sex with him or she's getting ready to. I'd put my money on the former.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

ne9907 said:


> Perhaps I was not clear enough.
> 
> YOU CANNOT ADOPT your GF child without being married.
> 
> The court is smart like that, because they foresee events like this.


 Although it may have been true in the past that you could not adopt unless you were married, with the acceptance of gay couple adopting prior to gay couples being able to marry, this became no longer true.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Lol, if you don't run from this woman after what you've learned, you deserve her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

badmemory said:


> I think that sending semi-nude pictures is beyond crossing a boundary. It's cheating. And it's strong evidence that either she has already had sex with him or she's getting ready to. I'd put my money on the former.


Sending a pic of her under boob (so sexy if she's sending it to you) is a sign that this is already a PA. At the bare minimum they've made out and heavily petted in his car or have gone to a near by park on their lunch break to act like 2 horny teenagers. 

Work place affairs are so difficult to catch. I've read so many WW's threads where they mention that they were hooking up in a guys car or taking turns paying for hotel on their lunch break. They don't mention it but due to expenses and being press for time it's plain that the majority of hook ups are in backseat or in an empty park and entail giving a BJTC as opposed to full sex. 

Imagine that, she comes home to kiss her unsuspecting husband after that? In OPs case, he's made the ultimate sacrifice and is being played out so soon. 2 years? DUMP HER.


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

Update: Things have definitely been hectic around here. First off it was my idea to adopt the child so that's not an issue here.

She claims she hasn't been talking to him but I got crazy one night and deleted him from her facebook, because why do they need to be friends right? Well she threw a fit and re-added him saying she doesn't want to cause drama at work. Yeah ok.

Next I find out she's playing random games through facebook with him, no chatting that I can see but this leads me to believe she's either using an alternate email or something.

This relationship is all but over I'm guessing, sucks but not much I can do now. Should i contact this guys fiancee on facebook and explain what he's been doing?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Raiders4564 said:


> Update: Things have definitely been hectic around here. First off it was my idea to adopt the child so that's not an issue here.
> 
> She claims she hasn't been talking to him but I got crazy one night and deleted him from her facebook, because why do they need to be friends right? Well she threw a fit and re-added him saying she doesn't want to cause drama at work. Yeah ok.
> 
> ...


Oh yes. Definitely contact the fiancee, she deserves to know what a POS he is.

They just took the affair deep underground and lied to you.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> Update: Things have definitely been hectic around here. First off it was my idea to adopt the child so that's not an issue here.
> 
> She claims she hasn't been talking to him but I got crazy one night and deleted him from her facebook, because why do they need to be friends right? Well she threw a fit and re-added him saying she doesn't want to cause drama at work. Yeah ok.
> 
> ...


Absolutely one hundred percent no question. You should have done this months ago. Just make sure you don't signal to her that you're doing this.

Her boyfriend's wife absolutely one hundred percent ethically needs to know. No question.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> Update: Things have definitely been hectic around here. First off it was my idea to adopt the child so that's not an issue here.
> 
> She claims she hasn't been talking to him but I got crazy one night and deleted him from her facebook, because why do they need to be friends right? Well she threw a fit and re-added him saying she doesn't want to cause drama at work. Yeah ok.
> 
> ...


She doesn't want to cause drama at work but no problem causing it for the man that adopted her kid? Her actions prove she's his. Fighting to keep him as a friend, wink wink. She should be doing everything to make the man who adopted her kid feel safe. This is such a sh!tty situation.

Yes you should expose this POS to his significant other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

She has done nothing to make me feel any better about this. She tells me she doesn't talk to him but has given me to physical proof of this. I make comments about how she carries her phone around 24/7 and instead of saying here you can go through it if you want to, she just gets mad that I'm always nagging her about it.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

A women who has a child finds a guy who loves her and her child and adopts him

she in return

1.*Sends pictures of herself which includes a video of under boob*

2.*Throws a fit and re-added him to FB after you deleted saying she doesn't want to cause drama at work.*

3.*You then find out she's playing random games through facebook with him*

Your 30 and you can find a lot of nice ladies out there that are crying out for some one like you

TELL HIS G/F please


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

She is definitely in contact with him.

Why have you not done what was recommended by others and contact her boyfriend or husband any way you can without telling your GF.

Her guarding her phone is a huge red flag and there are probably others. And why is there no VAR in her car????


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Time to move on. Your GF sounds like she is over you. Be glad she's just a GF, adoption and all. Definitely let the POS girlfriend /wife know. If it's causing this many problems for you she should definitely have the opportunity to knowledgeably address the same in her life.


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

It's tough to get in touch with his fiancee. For whatever reason she has taken the ability to add her as a friend off, so I messaged her and haven't heard anything back yet.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

For $29.95 you can go online to a site that will give you her phone number and address and anything else out there about her.

A VAR in your girlfriends car will tell you what you need to know probably in less than a few days.

if you are waiting for a confession or co operation from her, get yourself a rocking chair cause you are going to be there a while.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you wait, the moment you start to set things into motion with breaking up she will go through the following phases, anger at you, blaming you, then calling you names, then telling you it is over then quietness and finally begging for you to please give her another chance. that last one is when you will really have to make a choice...and if you do stay you need everything in writing....unless you truly see her for what she is and move on to happiness with someone else in the future.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She has no respect for you whatsoever. If the roles were reversed would she have been so 
accepting and passive as you have been?

If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

Xenote said:


> you wait, the moment you start to set things into motion with breaking up she will go through the following phases, anger at you, blaming you, then calling you names, then telling you it is over then quietness and finally begging for you to please give her another chance. that last one is when you will really have to make a choice...and if you do stay you need everything in writing....unless you truly see her for what she is and move on to happiness with someone else in the future.


I'm afraid this is what needs to happen. She's clearly doing something and I need to put my foot down finally. She's the one always getting upset with me and threatening to end stuff with me because "she's sick of me nagging her about her phone and making comments to her."


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Raiders4564 said:


> It's tough to get in touch with his fiancee. For whatever reason she has taken the ability to add her as a friend off, so I messaged her and haven't heard anything back yet.


 Do some google searches with as much as you know about the fiance. Do a search with POS and fiances name together. You'll come up with something even if you need to use the pay service @straightshooter posted. The key thing is to *NOT* tell her you are going to do this. You'll find out whether or not they are communicating because she'll flip out when he tells her, and odds are ,they are and she will.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Raiders4564 said:


> I'm afraid this is what needs to happen. She's clearly doing something and I need to put my foot down finally. She's the one always getting upset with me and threatening to end stuff with me because "she's sick of me nagging her about her phone and making comments to her."


So today you will do the following which will be .....................


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Raiders4564 said:


> I'm afraid this is what needs to happen. She's clearly doing something and I need to put my foot down finally. She's the one always getting upset with me and threatening to end stuff with me because "she's sick of me nagging her about her phone and making comments to her."


This is called "Cheater Script" and more specifically, gas lighting. It's literally Cheating 101.

You can no engage it directly, the only way to get rid of gas lighting is to expose. Consequences will be the only language that she understands.

It's the right thing to do to boot.

mobile games carry on more affairs than Kik and WhatsApp combined. They're not playing games.


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## Raiders4564 (Apr 13, 2016)

G.J. said:


> So today you will do the following which will be .....................


Tell her that unless she's willing to be completely transparent with me about her phone and anything else, this relationship has to end because I no longer trust her and she hasn't done anything to gain my trust back.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Raiders4564 said:


> Tell her that unless she's willing to be completely transparent with me about her phone and anything else, this relationship has to end because I no longer trust her and she hasn't done anything to gain my trust back.


I think I like this better: *"packing up my $hit and leaving." *

Cause even if she agrees to this, she is going to more than likely spend a few hours wiping clean her phone, computer, ipad, etc. and taking this thing further underground. If I was a betting man, my money though would be on DARVO.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Raiders4564 said:


> Tell her that unless she's willing to be completely transparent with me about her phone and anything else, this relationship has to end because I no longer trust her and she hasn't done anything to gain my trust back.


 That still leaves it up to her. expose to the fiance, however you must and that will either end it, because POS will walk or put them together, either way your problem is solved. You'll never be able to trust your GF again, the spark is gone.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

I wouldn't even bother checking any more & leave. 

Even if she has stopped & she told you the truth, it's going to take years to trust her again. So you will be in R before you even get married! Read some R threads on here. It's not pretty!

You didn't even get the truth the first time. You had to have evidence before she would admit it. So you don't even know what went down. Don't let her take you for a fool. 

Please tell the AP's fiancée. You must do that because she's headed where you are, getting married to a cheater. Wouldn't you want her to tell you if she knew?

Your WS sure trashed you considering you took on her child. She didn't even consider her child when getting her kicks, who was lucky enough to have gained a Dad. 

If you weren't paying her enough attention, she could have just told you. 

If you stay, you better be on your toes & make sure you pay her lots of attention all the time, for the next 20, 30, 40+ years, or else. . . 

OP, it will be hard to leave, very hard, but it will even harder if you stay. Find yourself a good mate for life, don't take on a cheater.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jsmart said:


> We just had a thread from another guy about your age who did the same thing. His wife is leaving him for a 41 year old Doctor.
> 
> Did you get yourself checked to see if the problem was you. It could have been your partner. For her to be cheating so soon into a relationship after what you did is so heart breaking.
> 
> ...


This is absolutely correct IMO


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jsmart said:


> When you have the guvment hammock ready to provide housing, food, internet, cell phone, and basically everthing middleclass works hard to have, what's to fear from dating bad boys.
> 
> When you have the "family" courts ensuring cash & prizes for blowing up your family why try to be loyal loving wife.
> 
> ...



this is brilliant and dead on. I wish I could have written that Jsmart


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Do you really want to be married to this woman my friend ?

Move on and find yourself a better girl who is going to respect and love you. 

This one is not for a Marriage trust me.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

she is not just having an emotional affair. she is too busy wanting to keep her thing going. DUMP HER. the kid wont lose you unless you leave. You have adopted him. You have protected your access to him, no sweat. You need to tell her that you were thinking about asking her to marry you but you know now she isn't worth the ring you would try to put on her finger.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Do you share bank accounts credit cards etc? Take all the money out now and deposit it in your own account.

Stop nagging her and warning her. Cheaters understand actions a lot better than empty threats.

She is still communicating with him. Thats why the phone is glued to her hip 24/7

Expose the affair to his wife, visit in person if you have too. 

She is most likely using an app of some sort to commincate with him. Kik, Whatsapp, Skype, or even communicating through a facebook game.

Hey Day the facebook game enables people to have conversations.

Unfortunately you have not clamped down on this nonsense hard enough.


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