# Hobby taking over



## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

We've been married 16 years have 2 kids and lots of bumps in the road. Husband started cycling to relax what started out as an hour a week thing has turned into a 2 nights a week and all weekend thing. Leaving me home with the kids and house work. To top it off cycling is all he talks about. He is actually going away tis weekend with his "friend" even though it ours oldest birthday and she has begged him not to go.... he told her she was being selfish and this is his only true joy in life.... 

I hate his bike I dream of running it over. When he starts talking about his ride I fell my chest tighten and do everything in my power to calm down.... both kids have even asked why he loves his bike more then us... when I bring this to his attention he says it's his only joy and stress reliever and we just need to deal with it... 

How can I make him see it's tearing our family apart?


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## Tullip (Apr 21, 2011)

Unfortunately, I'm way too familiar with tales of being a bike widow  and that chest tightening feeling...ouch, I know it!!!My husband has been obsessed with biking for years! It was one of the reasons why we seperated, but we are now back together..so have no fear. Like you, I was left home with our then 2yr old while he was out biking for hours & hours. I began to resent and hate him for it. He still rides and trains for hours but we have worked it out that the will only ride 1 day on the weekend. Which is usually early and he is home by noon. The rest is done during the week while I'm at work. 

The cycling community is like a "cult" and its really hard to understand it. OBSESSED it the key word. Has his diet changed yet? that's a whole other level....and annoyance. 

But, in the end; I look at it like this; there are worse things he could be doing with his time. At least it is a healthy obsession and it makes him happy, and in return he wants to make me happy. 
The key is that you need to work out a schedule that works for both of you or like me, you too will start resenting him. At one point, i was 3rd on his priority ...biking,son and then me...that was very hurtful. But things have changed and we are in a much better place. 
I hope you can work it out before his obsession gets worse...

My husband races in a club and that takes on its on entity....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Who is this friend? Sounds fishy.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Tullip... yes the diet has changed! as well as the gym schedule and we have no added jogging everyday to the mix. It has taken over... it's been 3 years now and it's getting worse. We did try a schedule but he only lasted 2 weeks then said we were killing his happiness
I think my problem is this is something I'm never going to be into and he has made a "friend" we'll call her "T" they email back and forth all day text all night. When they ride together the trip takes 3 times as long.... a few months ago we had a huge fight because she is going to Puerto Rico to do some big ride around the island and he want to go, I refuse to say OK... after talking with my mother about it she offered to stay with the kids so I could go with him and we could take a vacation either before or after the ride. He was livid about this idea and said I was being selfish. Needless to say he did NOT sign up for the ride and "T" has since cancelled her trip as well. 
So to THAT GIRL..... yes I feel like there is something fishy going on too.... 
this weekend the group is going a few 100 miles away to ride some events they (yes he and "T" will be car pooling) will be gone Fri-Mon and Friday is our daughters birthday she is crushed that her daddy would rather bike ride then be with her....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, that's BS.

My aunt got WAAYYY into backgammon and had tournaments and other things every week/weekend. Turns out her partner was her lover for YEARS.

Hate to throw that out there, but...wtf.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

*But, in the end; I look at it like this; there are worse things he could be doing with his time.* At least it is a healthy obsession and it makes him happy, and in return he wants to make me happy. 

Be grateful he's not into porn...but find out about the 'friend'...if it's a female, put the kibosh on it. Immediately.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> *But, in the end; I look at it like this; there are worse things he could be doing with his time.* At least it is a healthy obsession and it makes him happy, and in return he wants to make me happy.
> 
> Be grateful he's not into porn...but find out about the 'friend'...if it's a female, put the kibosh on it. Immediately.


It is a female.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I work with a couple of guys who are avid cyclists. What your husband is doing is 'way out there' extreme compared to the guys I know. If married, they might go for a long ride on weekends, but its more often really early so it doesn't take awy from family time. The full day rides are much less frequent. But if this were the only problem, it didn't quite explain his extreme view about how everyone else was being selfish by resenting the time he spent. It only started making sense when you said that he rides with another woman. I think that, due to nature of his attitude, you should proabably start by just focusing on the time he is spending alone with another woman.

In the city where I've lived for the last few years, we bought a house on one of the longest paved biking trails in this part of the state. I've been riding pretty seriously since college, but nowadays spend more time in the gym. I think that many people who are not familiar with cycling don't realize that a cyclist in good shape can converse almost as easily as two people who are sharing a meal together in a restaraunt. Not sure if he's trying to make you believe that the nature of the activity prevents a relationship, but it doesn't.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

I'm scared I feel it all slipping away


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

i guess I'm just waiting to see what is going to happen after this weekend....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> It is a female.


OH H3LL NO! NFW. This is way inappropriate for sure.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> i guess I'm just waiting to see what is going to happen after this weekend....


Why are you waiting? He should not be hanging out with his female friend in isolation from you. The affair could very well go physical on this trip.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Bike Widow...please don't wait and see. Lay it all out for him NOW. The longer you wait, the longer he gets away with it, and it sounds like he's deeply involved with this woman. Definite EA possibly even PA, if he's trying to go away with her.

What is it about these people (inovlved in affairs) that makes them think they can justify a TRIP with a member of the opposite sex??? YOU'RE the one being selfish??? The flippin NERVE!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Tullip... yes the diet has changed! as well as the gym schedule and we have no added jogging everyday to the mix. It has taken over... it's been 3 years now and it's getting worse. We did try a schedule but he only lasted 2 weeks then said we were killing his happiness
> I think my problem is this is something I'm never going to be into and he has made a "friend" we'll call her "T" they email back and forth all day text all night. When they ride together the trip takes 3 times as long.... a few months ago we had a huge fight because she is going to Puerto Rico to do some big ride around the island and he want to go, I refuse to say OK... after talking with my mother about it she offered to stay with the kids so I could go with him and we could take a vacation either before or after the ride. He was livid about this idea and said I was being selfish. Needless to say he did NOT sign up for the ride and "T" has since cancelled her trip as well.
> So to THAT GIRL..... yes I feel like there is something fishy going on too....
> this weekend the group is going a few 100 miles away to ride some events they (yes he and "T" will be car pooling) will be gone Fri-Mon and Friday is our daughters birthday she is crushed that her daddy would rather bike ride then be with her....


Do you have transportation? Do you know where this ride is taking place? I'd probably be crazy enough to go see for myself...


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Why are you waiting?
what else am I to do? I've voiced my concern and it's gotten me no where. what would you do.... I don't like the person I'm turning into... but i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I feeling so much shame? is this normal?


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Do you have transportation? Do you know where this ride is taking place? I'd probably be crazy enough to go see for myself...


I was thinking of that maybe if I can see it with my own eyes. I made him give me the hotel info in case of ER w/ the kids.... so I know where they are staying


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Do you have transportation? Do you know where this ride is taking place? I'd probably be crazy enough to go see for myself...


This crossed my mind as well.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Why are you waiting?
> what else am I to do? I've voiced my concern and it's gotten me no where. what would you do.... I don't like the person I'm turning into... but i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I feeling so much shame? is this normal?


There is a difference between voicing one's concern and one saying straight out this unacceptable.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> I was thinking of that maybe if I can see it with my own eyes. I made him give me the hotel info in case of ER w/ the kids.... so I know where they are staying


You should never feel guilty or ashamed to tell him that spending time with another woman is wrong. An ultimatum about this weekend is not something to be ashamed of either. Its doubtful that he would be comfortable with you spending the weekend with another man in a hotel while he babysits the children.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> You should never feel guilty or ashamed to tell him that spending time with another woman is wrong. An ultimatum about this weekend is not something to be ashamed of either. Its doubtful that he would be comfortable with you spending the weekend with another man in a hotel while he babysits the children.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

I think this weekend should not happen period. He should skip it and spend some time with her.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

And darned right you should have the (real) hotel info in case of emergency, and also, what man in his right mind would attempt to conceal those details? You are married to him, and have every right to know where he is spending his weekend, if not at home with you and the rest of the family.

Never mind voicing your concerns. It is time to lay down the law according to YOU. Your husband's behaviour is flat out unacceptable and you have to TELL him that. I know it's easier for me to say because I'm not the one in the situation right now, but if you really feel that strongly about him NOT going, then tell him so, and ask him not to go. If he refuses, and says he is going anyway, there has to be some kind of consequence...change the locks, or take the kids and leave, but don't stay home raising them on your own, while he goes out and openly makes a fool out of all of you...

Do you know this 'friend'? Have you contacted her?


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

before I knew "T" was going I told him next weekend we should go away as a family and he told me no I have to get ready for my next big ride... i can't afford the time off the bike... as the time change is getting closer he is getting cranker because that means no more weekday rides... 
all day I've been thinking of sending a facebook message to "T" best friend who is one of my fb friends from meeting her @ some charity events... just to ask her if something is up or off with the whole deal.... she use to ride with them a lot... would you do that?


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Why are you waiting?
> what else am I to do? I've voiced my concern and it's gotten me no where. what would you do.... I don't like the person I'm turning into... but i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I feeling so much shame? is this normal?


He is spending way too much time with his 'riding partner' and making you and the family out to be the enemy. It sounds to me like he has already entered into at least an EA (emotional affair), if it hasn't gone physical yet. 

He is blatantly disrespecting you, your family and marriage by insiting on spending so much isolated time with this woman. He is moving away from the marriage and finding some comfort with her, at least in his mind. You should try to check his emails and texts, gather information, present him with what you find and tell him that he needs to stop what he is doing, establish no contact with the OW, and enter into marriage counseling if you want to try to save the marriage. Otherwise, give him divorce as the only other option.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Widow, I'd do everything I could to find out as much as I could...but going through a 3rd party may be uneffective...

Do you know her full name? With that, you can certainly try to dig around for more info, such as where she works or lives. Can you get your hands on your husband's cell and get this woman's number?

Have you ever met her? Do you know if she's attached?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to put myself in your place...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Why are you waiting?
> what else am I to do? I've voiced my concern and it's gotten me no where. what would you do.... I don't like the person I'm turning into... but i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I feeling so much shame? is this normal?


I`d tell him spending time (an entire weekend?)with another woman is waaaayyy outside your boundaries.

I`d tell him he can`t go and I`d tell him if he goes anyway his **** will be on the lawn and the locks will be changed when he returns.

I`d also ask him for a forwarding address where I could have the divorce papers delivered.

I`ll never understand why people just sit there and take this ****.

MY wife wouldn`t dream of even thinking about doing 99% of the insane self centered crap I read about on this board.

Her ass would be sleeping in a cheap hotel somewhere wondering where she was going to find a rental as would mine if I did the same.

Why take this? He`s male with kids if you divorce him you can own over half his ****.He`ll back down if he sees you`re serious.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I`d tell him spending time (an entire weekend?)with another woman is waaaayyy outside your boundaries.
> 
> I`d tell him he can`t go and I`d tell him if he goes anyway his **** will be on the lawn and the locks will be changed when he returns.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Yup. Time to play hardball, Widow...


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Widow, I'd do everything I could to find out as much as I could...but going through a 3rd party may be uneffective...
> 
> Do you know her full name? With that, you can certainly try to dig around for more info, such as where she works or lives. Can you get your hands on your husband's cell and get this woman's number?
> 
> ...


I know her name, where she works I've even meet her twice with my children at some charity events we've attended. She has giving me the cold shoulder and made me very uncomfortable as if I shouldn't be there... I even brought this up to my husband, it seems like after the MS Event is when things intensified with them. 
I am told she is married, her Facebook list her as married and has her husband on there all the pics of them together as a couple are over a year old and she writes on his wall but no one else does nor does he ever responed almost looks as if its a fake profile... he was a rider in the group at one point but he crashed and has not been able to ride again..... I have never met him he has never been at any of the events.
My husband never leaves his cell phone even sleeps with it under his pillow, I can't get the records because it is a company phone.... i've tried hacking into his email but can't figure out the password and he won't give it up.. I tried the whole we should have a file with all the passwords and stuff just incase something ever happens to one of us... I made one put all of mine in there he put in the bank and mortgage info and that's it... 
the more I'm answering this the stupider I feel, I must sound pathtic.... I feel as I must stay and he knows this he carries my health insurance and we have a 2nd home that's in my mothers name that if we were to divorce she would lose... yes this is held over my head... if I can't ride I'm not paying for the house... I'm trapped


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You do NOT sound pathetic, and you are not trapped...there's always a way out for those who chose to take that route.

Your husband is a cheater and a bully, who is using your mother and your child to try and force you to stay. This is what's pathetic. He just wants it all, doesn't he?

Please consider all your options, including consulting a lawyer about divorcing this two timer - do you have anywhere you can go?

Ooooh, I'm steaming over this, and I don't even know you...

Have you considered confronting the woman? Exposing her and your husband publicly? Generally, people don't like that.

In the meantime, if he goes this weekend (or whenever he plans on going), empty the fricken house while he's gone. Pr!ck!!!!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sleeps with his cell phone under his pillow. I have done this when I was on call for my work. Otherwise that is a red flag.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Sleeps with his cell phone under his pillow. I have done this when I was on call for my work. Otherwise that is a red flag.


LOL if he hadn't done this for years with the alarm clock it would have.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Please understand, you do not sound pathetic. You are a trusting person who has been placed in a cruel situation. But your practical, common sense side drove you to a site like this to begin acting on your gut feeling about what is going on in this situation.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Huh. Maybe it's just me, but I'm thinking that if I didn't see any immediate way out of my situation, I'd just make the situation a little less comfortable for sitting back and cake-eating.

Seems to me that if he doesn't have time to spend with the kids on their birthdays, that I wouldn't have time to do his laundry. If he only has time to ride his bike on the weekend, then I'd only have time to get dinner bought and made for me and the kids. I'd start sharing a bathroom with the kids and run out of time to clean his.....

Time is precious you know! :rofl:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> ...the more I'm answering this the stupider I feel, I must sound pathtic.... I feel as I must stay and he knows this he carries my health insurance and we have a 2nd home that's in my mothers name that if we were to divorce she would lose... yes this is held over my head... if I can't ride I'm not paying for the house... I'm trapped


I`m sorry I was kinda rough on you widow, I just get so frustrated for people who are being abused by those who are supposed to care for them.

Your situation does sound difficult but I`m going to stick with my original statement of demanding he stop seeing this woman and stays home, not just this weekend but for good.

And again, if he refuses refer to the laundry throwing, lock changing, D-Paper serving party I mentioned earlier.

Yes, you`ll be screwing yourself but you`ll be screwing him twice as hard and the fact of the matter is he KNOWs he has this power over you.
Take it away from him, be willing to burn it all down because your life will become a never ending chain of misery if you allow yourself to be walked on.

Your economic situation will suck bad if he forces you into divorce but it will pass and much quicker than it will for him.

However if you continue to allow him to disrespect you it will never pass, it will only get worse and it will affect your kids and your relationship with them.

Actually if he refused the first thing I`d do is drive over his bike, and back over it, then back over, and on and on ..

I`m not kidding.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> I know her name, where she works I've even meet her twice with my children at some charity events we've attended. She has giving me the cold shoulder and made me very uncomfortable as if I shouldn't be there... I even brought this up to my husband, it seems like after the MS Event is when things intensified with them.
> I am told she is married, her Facebook list her as married and has her husband on there all the pics of them together as a couple are over a year old and she writes on his wall but no one else does nor does he ever responed almost looks as if its a fake profile... he was a rider in the group at one point but he crashed and has not been able to ride again..... I have never met him he has never been at any of the events.
> My husband never leaves his cell phone even sleeps with it under his pillow, I can't get the records because it is a company phone.... i've tried hacking into his email but can't figure out the password and he won't give it up.. I tried the whole we should have a file with all the passwords and stuff just incase something ever happens to one of us... I made one put all of mine in there he put in the bank and mortgage info and that's it...
> the more I'm answering this the stupider I feel, I must sound pathtic.... I feel as I must stay and he knows this he carries my health insurance and we have a 2nd home that's in my mothers name that if we were to divorce she would lose... yes this is held over my head... if I can't ride I'm not paying for the house...* I'm trapped*


Yes this is a type of blackmail on his part and he is cake eating. BUT, you have to decide what your boundaries are and when you will make a stand.

What you are hearing from us is that this situation is fluid and it is getting worse as time moves on. This weekend is probably very key and will enable this affair to go physical if it has not as yet. if this is still an EA you have a chance to put a stop to it. If you wait you will be totally helpless. So not much point in waiting.

This seems an ideal time for the stand. Time is not on your side.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

OK so I told him Tuesday night that I did NOT want him to go, that the original plan was a group of riders and I was not comfortable with it then. I explained how I felt. He left with his bike to get it tuned up for the ride. When he came home I hade made the kids dinner and sent them to their rooms. I them moved all of his belongs in to the guest bedroom.... he looked at me and said I can't belive you'll throw away 19 years together over I bike ride... I simply said I'm not the one throwing it away.... all I have heard for the past 24 hours is how selfish I am and how I'm tearing the family apart. He still plans on leaving tomorrow..... so i have made an appointment with a thearpist (for me) and a laywer for next Wed. 
I know this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can't let my daughter think this is how we are to be treated... I want so much more for her, and if my son were to grow up and treat his wife and family this way I would be crushed. SO as much as I am doing this for me, I'm doing it for them too we will no longer be after thoughts.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> OK so I told him Tuesday night that I did NOT want him to go, that the original plan was a group of riders and I was not comfortable with it then. I explained how I felt. He left with his bike to get it tuned up for the ride. When he came home I hade made the kids dinner and sent them to their rooms. I them moved all of his belongs in to the guest bedroom.... he looked at me and said I can't belive you'll throw away 19 years together over I bike ride... I simply said I'm not the one throwing it away.... all I have heard for the past 24 hours is how selfish I am and how I'm tearing the family apart. He still plans on leaving tomorrow..... so i have made an appointment with a thearpist (for me) and a laywer for next Wed.
> I know this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can't let my daughter think this is how we are to be treated... I want so much more for her, and if my son were to grow up and treat his wife and family this way I would be crushed. SO as much as I am doing this for me, I'm doing it for them too we will no longer be after thoughts.


I am happy to hear that you are taking action! By moving his stuff into the guest room, you're demonstrating that you mean business.

If he STILL goes this weekend, (and he'd have to be nuts to go through with it), do yourself an even bigger favor and change the locks. Let him figure the rest out on his own.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I am happy to hear that you are taking action! By moving his stuff into the guest room, you're demonstrating that you mean business.
> 
> 
> > I was going to move myself into the guest room but then thought.. no way am I giving up my bathroom!


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Tullip... yes the diet has changed! as well as the gym schedule and we have no added jogging everyday to the mix. It has taken over... it's been 3 years now and it's getting worse. We did try a schedule but he only lasted 2 weeks then said we were killing his happiness
> I think my problem is this is something I'm never going to be into and he has made a "friend" we'll call her "T" they email back and forth all day text all night. When they ride together the trip takes 3 times as long.... a few months ago we had a huge fight because she is going to Puerto Rico to do some big ride around the island and he want to go, I refuse to say OK... after talking with my mother about it she offered to stay with the kids so I could go with him and we could take a vacation either before or after the ride. He was livid about this idea and said I was being selfish. Needless to say he did NOT sign up for the ride and "T" has since cancelled her trip as well.
> So to THAT GIRL..... yes I feel like there is something fishy going on too....
> this weekend the group is going a few 100 miles away to ride some events they (yes he and "T" will be car pooling) will be gone Fri-Mon and Friday is our daughters birthday she is crushed that her daddy would rather bike ride then be with her....


RED FLAG! -- This is NOT about biking, it is about a girl.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> OK so I told him Tuesday night that I did NOT want him to go, that the original plan was a group of riders and I was not comfortable with it then. I explained how I felt. He left with his bike to get it tuned up for the ride. When he came home I hade made the kids dinner and sent them to their rooms. I them moved all of his belongs in to the guest bedroom.... he looked at me and said I can't belive you'll throw away 19 years together over I bike ride... I simply said I'm not the one throwing it away.... all I have heard for the past 24 hours is how selfish I am and how I'm tearing the family apart. He still plans on leaving tomorrow..... so i have made an appointment with a thearpist (for me) and a laywer for next Wed.
> I know this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can't let my daughter think this is how we are to be treated... I want so much more for her, and if my son were to grow up and treat his wife and family this way I would be crushed. SO as much as I am doing this for me, I'm doing it for them too we will no longer be after thoughts.


Is he ignoring the fact that your concern is about the other woman's presence on the trip? Just can't believe that he thinks that he can turn the story into your problem with a biking event.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Halien said:


> Is he ignoring the fact that your concern is about the other woman's presence on the trip? Just can't believe that he thinks that he can turn the story into your problem with a biking event.


Yes it's like he doesn't even hear it... I get she's like one of the guys.... he even came home last week and was talking about her period... I mean really? WTH 
he has stated several times that she is his best friend and he feels he can tell her anything, and that the mainly talk about me... yet he won't or can't tell me what they say....
his best friend... really 
this is so werid for me because I am NOT a jealous person... but lately I have become one.. and I hate it, I hate the way it makes me feel and act


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> Yes it's like he doesn't even hear it... I get she's like one of the guys.... he even came home last week and was talking about her period... I mean really? WTH
> he has stated several times that she is his best friend and he feels he can tell her anything, and that the mainly talk about me... yet he won't or can't tell me what they say....
> his best friend... really
> this is so werid for me because I am NOT a jealous person... but lately I have become one.. and I hate it, I hate the way it makes me feel and act


OMG... that is just ridiculous and insanely inappropriate. Maybe you should find some guy to talk about your husband's personal bodily functions with


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

The point is he is married to you, therefore he should not be turning to another woman, much less one who he claims is his 'best friend'. That's just a bunch of BULL. He is infatuated with her, at the very least. What are the most dangerous words in a marriage? "We're just friends...".

Your man knows no boundaries. I guess it's a little late to start setting them now, but do not, I repeat, do not back down on this. Move him out, get a lawyer, change the locks. Let him go stay at his 'best friend's'.

The fact that he was telling YOU about her period? He's so deep in the fog that he doesn't even see what he's doing anymore, that would be why he's telling you that YOU are the selfish one.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Yeah, if he's gossiping to you about the uber-mundane details of another woman's life.... it sounds to me like he's infatuated with her and can't help talking about her to his best friend: you.

And let me just say that I say that as a woman who has a great many good friends that are guys. I don't think I've ever talked about things like that with them. I certainly don't talk about...well...whatever a personal bodily male equivalent might possibly be...with them. We talk about what everyone talks about-- music, food, sports, trips, other friends....definitely not bodily fluids!


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Well today is the day.... I'm at work and when I left he said he was going, I repeated how I felt and left for work. So we will see what happens.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

What makes me the maddest is his saying you and the kids are ruining his happiness. What a joke.

Its time for you all to tell hom the same thing. He needs to get a grip on himself with meds or counseling or a kick in the arse. 

Im glad you are taking action. 

One of my top fives for a successful marriage is to make sure none of my actions make my wife feel insecure. If they do, Id say they were inappropriate.


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

well he left....


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

thebikewidow said:


> well he left....


I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Wondering if maybe you should send a PM to the mods to change this to the Coping with Infidelity section? Some of the regulars there offer great advice on how to deal with this type of situation.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

TBW - I've read through most of this and rather than post a lengthy response let me just say this. I am both a cyclist and a wayward husband (had an EA), I understand the bike widow thing, my wife and I have had a few of those same conversations. IMO you don't have a bike problem, you have an other woman problem. 

I know several cyclist more obsessed than I am but I know no one who would skip their child's birthday for a ride. However, as a former cheater I can tell you there is nothing - nothing - a cheating spouse won't do to carry on in their affair. Obviously I don't know just how inappropriate your H's relationship with this other woman is, but it is inappropriate for sure. I think Halien's above suggestion is correct. I think you need to get over to the infidelity section and start getting some advice on how to determine if your H is in fact having an affair, emotional or physical; and if he is how to handle it. 

Best of Luck


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## thebikewidow (Oct 14, 2011)

Thanks everyone... he did come back last night instead of today... said he had a great time and Thanked me for letting him go.. and that while he was gone he realized how much he has been negeleting me and thinks I need to get a bike to ride with him.... he knows damn well that #1 I don't want to ride and #2 even if I did I couldn't we have kids at home to take care of... I'm so over it... 
BTW how do you move a thread? Thanks!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Where would you like it moved to?


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

I would tell him he is not allowed to come back as long as the other girl is involved, in ANY WAY with his life. My H had a similar relationship with a woman and it took a month long separation to get rid of her. They weren't in a PA but definitely an EA...


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