# husband makes all money decisions



## bluesunset (Aug 31, 2013)

we have been married 17 years,we have 2 boys, for most of this time i worked part time. for the last 2 year i have been homeschooling our sons. not working outside the home at all. my problem is my husband doesnt involve me in any finicial decissions. not even the smallest ones,he gets his check on fridays ,cashes it pays what he wants to andcomes home broke I get maybe 20 dollars every 2 weeks. when the finance company calls i tell them i cant make any arrangemnts because if i do he says no thats not what he is doing ,we are always behind and since im home in the one who always answers the calls. I love my husband but the stress is killing me . what can I do?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

How are you buying groceries on the money he gives you?

Are you also behind on the rent/mortgage?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

start looking for a job! do not rely on him he wants a slave.

home schooling? Why you pay taxes for your kids schooling.

and if your kids are in school that frees up some time for you to work.


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## bluesunset (Aug 31, 2013)

he buys the groceries on his way home after cashing his check. my mom gives me money for any extras me and the boys need. I home school because our son has a condition that causes him a lot of pain, and the local school are not willing to work with us on his problems. we also live in a very poor rural area. very few jobs are available. Do you think I am being a drain on him ? I try to do everthing I can to save us money,I raise a garden , I buy markdowns and clearance ,we wear used clothes and I cut my own hair and the boys hair also. My husband manages to have any movie or cd he wants.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So have you asked him why he treats you like this? Does he control you in other ways?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Oh boy....

This is called financial abuse.

You need to discuss this with someone, including your husband. And you should look for a job and set boundaries of what is acceptable.

I completely understand this... my stbx used to yell at me for buying tampons. But there was also some emotional/physical stuff going on... what your hubby is doing is controlling you through money.


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## bluesunset (Aug 31, 2013)

PBear said:


> So have you asked him why he treats you like this? Does he control you in other ways?
> 
> C
> [size]_Posted via Mobile Device_[/size]


Yes i guess he does. he wont let me drive his truck,{i have a van but it is in the shop, he has no intention of having it fixed, says God doesnt want us to have two autos. My mom is paying to have it fixed. she has also paid to have my washing machine repaired ,our septic tank cleaned and bought me a new dishwasher. while shaming him into fixing my dryer. His mom bought him the truck . he doesnt want me to work outside the home. I have talked to him about it but he denys he's doing anything ,tells me how much better i am at managing money and will let me do it but come the check day he forgets


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your H sounds controlling and, unless there's a shortage of money (you mention him coming home "broke"), it is demeaning for him to keep you so short of cash that you have to ask your mother for help.

I would have a very serious talk with him, and he either opens a joint bank account or you reassess the way in which you son is being educated with a view to you finding employment.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

move back with mom and consider a divorce.

do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you like this?

poor area maybe its time to think about how you could support yourself. online training. then move to where the jobs are.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old is your son?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you do not know how much your husband makes. Why not?

How happy are you in this marriage?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yikes! No wonder all the resentment in your other thread! It just wasn't making sense but now it sure does!

I apologize for being so flip with you in that thread. 

Can I ask what your sons issues are that prevent him from being in school? Was homeschooling your idea or a joint idea? have your sons a always been homeschooled?

You say your husband mentions that "God doesn't want your family to have two autos." Have you two always been fundamentalist or is this kind of talk something new?

Would you say your husband has always been a control kind of guy and it has just gotten worse, or was there a time when he wasn't controlling?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Start looking for a job. Make your own money and put it in your own account. That is the only solution. You are going to have to leave him eventually and financial independence is the first step. Right now, he has all the control and that's not okay.

Some couples are able to combine and share finances and it just works b/c there is mutual trust and respect. Your relationship has neither I'm afraid. Time to step up and start looking out for #1.


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## bluesunset (Aug 31, 2013)

we have only homeschooled for 2 year,. Our son suffers from several different ailments, one involving his bowels,bipolar and a neuropathy,affecting his feet ,legs and hands. we are Christians and believe strongle in God and his word. Yes my husband has always been controling but Ive always thought that it was because he was an only child.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

bluesunset said:


> we are Christians and believe strongle in God and his word. Yes my husband has always been controling but Ive always thought that it was because he was an only child.


Girlfriend....we are Christians too....I'm an only child and my husband was the spoiled baby of his family....and we don't live like that...

How many times does your H tell you "the man is the head of the house" because that's what the Bible says????

Well sister, the Bible also says that the man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church....and that means he is to scarifice, love, protect and provide for his wife to the best of his ability, and/or what you as a couple agree on (as in your career, etc).

"Agree on" being the operative words here!

He is using religion as a means of control and to be selfish. 

That is NOT being a Christian husband and father.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your husband is treating you poorly. I'm a sahm for the last 11 years. My husband has always included me in all financial decisions right down to his hunting license. I also have full access to all the funds.

I do agree that this is financial abuse. Good luck.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Well, if you are Christian how about this one:

The Lord helps those who help themselves.

Start looking at jobs. Don't be afraid. In the end, we all end up dead. Fear will only make the journey unpleasant.


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