# Day 1 of NC....My Heart Hurts



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hello dearest heart buddies,

This morning I am feeling worst than yesterday. I guess reality is starting to kick in that this person who I thought was always honest, loved me to death, kissed me all the time and wanted to always be with me, lied to me about everything. It was 2 years of lies and deception. My heart is so much in pain, I don't know how much longer I can take this. He never loved me, not even a little bit, and it is killing me.

Today is day 1 of NC. Yesterday should of been day 1 but he texted me about some stuff that I left in the apartment and then in the night he called once, I didn't pick up though. I guess he was calling me to find out if I dropped the class that I shared with him. That's another thing, I share a Portuguese class with him that I cannot get out of because it is necessary for me to graduate. I will not go this week but next week I have to. It will be one of the hardest things to do but I will go with a smile.

Why does it have to be so painful? Urgh this sucks.

Question: How did you stop feeling the pain and how long does this last? 

I ended a 3 year relationship before this one and it didnt really hurt as much. I guess I knew that we would stay friends because he didn't really lie to me, it was more of a mutual thing. This one is killing me because I feel like I was worthless.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

systematical desensitization technique 
the pain wont go, it just gets easier  hang in there, msgarcia. im sorry you're in this boat. but it will get easier day after day.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> systematical desensitization technique
> the pain wont go, it just gets easier  hang in there, msgarcia. im sorry you're in this boat. but it will get easier day after day.



and in the meanwhile what can I do to make it better? Because I honestly feel physically ill, I cant eat, cant hardly sleep, even though I am doing everything to keep myself distracted, it is still there every other minute!


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## lostLove77 (Jan 25, 2013)

There is simply no easy answer here. You are in a rough spot, we all are. Best things i've found are things that make me laugh and to get up and move. Walk, set in a coffee shop. Anything, get in your car and browse around a home store.

Exercise will help you sleep much better. Exhaust your body.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

its too soon, it just started, you will go deep into dark before you can see the light

think of it as "his lost not yours" which is pretty much true

you need to hang in there, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

It just hurts so bad. I mean, I think I would of felt way better and moved on quicker if he ACTUALLY loved me. But for 2 years he didnt, and was just using me for his satisfaction. Which means that he's feeling no remorse right now because he didnt feel a thing for me. I feel like crawling under a hole and staying there.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why are you giving him so much power over you?


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

There will be more hard days in the weeks to come.....as far as NC you will have many day 1's.....cause you will somehow keep screwing it up. Don't worry, we all have done that. It is a process you just have to go thru.

As for me, my journey started 7/14/2012, and I was stuck for the longest time.....H lived in home until Jan 2nd when he moved out. So I am really only 6 weeks into Seperation....my heart still wants R, but my head is starting to take over and advice my heart that R is really not the best thing. H and I were sexually intimate until just recently.....but he has had an on again off again OW in the picture.......I have just made the choice to stop being his plan B, Or C or whatever!

It hurts because we have been together for 18 years and have 3 amazing kids and have so many good memories and some many dreams that now are not going to come to pass....Together. 

But that doesn't mean I can't make new plans and have new dreams.....
You will get there.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> There will be more hard days in the weeks to come.....as far as NC you will have many day 1's.....cause you will somehow keep screwing it up. Don't worry, we all have done that. It is a process you just have to go thru.
> 
> As for me, my journey started 7/14/2012, and I was stuck for the longest time.....H lived in home until Jan 2nd when he moved out. So I am really only 6 weeks into Seperation....my heart still wants R, but my head is starting to take over and advice my heart that R is really not the best thing. H and I were sexually intimate until just recently.....but he has had an on again off again OW in the picture.......I have just made the choice to stop being his plan B, Or C or whatever!
> 
> ...


This made me feel better. If you can do it, I can too. It till take some time but in the long run, I guess he made me a favor. Thank you for sharing your story with me


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## SecretTears (Jul 18, 2010)

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know it hurts so much. I found out my H was having an affair in May last year and we've been separated since December 2012. At first I too was a complete wreck. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't focus at work or even stupid things like going to the grocery store. That phase lasted a good month or 6 weeks. Can't really remember. 

Now it still hurts but not nearly as much and emotionally I am in such a better place. So it does get better! It just takes time. 

The things that helped me most:
1 - exercise. I exercised before but now I'm really into it. It takes so much stress away and when I'm at the gym sweating so much I think I'm going to pass out there is absolutely no energy left to dwell on the emotional pain 

2. Counseling. It took me a couple of tries to find a counselor who I thought was good but now I have one and she has helped immensely. 

3. A book called Getting over your breakup.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I think you start feeling better when you really accept and internalize that he treated you like this because HE is messed up, not because you are worthless nor because of anything you did. HE is majorly messed up; that's why this happened. It takes a while to sink in, but when it does, you are on the mend.

It's a cycle, though. You'll go through cycles of anger, sadness, strength, relief, anger...rinse, repeat. One day, you realize that it's been a while since you thought of him. 

You'll get there.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

@Conrad: I am giving him too much power over me arent I. Im just so pissed off at the situation! 

@Secrettears: Thank you for the suggestions, will definitely do 1 and 3. I know I have to exercise and Im very excited about doing so, but I dont get my car until the beginning of March and the gyms are a bit far. 

@norajane: I think Ive begun internalizing this fact. Im starting to realize that even though it hurts now, he did me a favor. I consider myself to be such a good woman, and he just threw it all out, thats like throwing away a million dollars in the garbage. Thank you for your advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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