# Feeling odd, but okay( 180 update)



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

So things are not much different, but I feel better. She still acts the same, distant but like she hopes for something from me. When I am around she either talks non-stop about non-sense or confides heavily( I have comforted her once, but I don't really care). I am tired of her expecting this just because I was it for over 10 years. This round of tears happened after a few weeks of little talk when I was around. She only calls to talk to the kids and usually texts for random things, but never just to talk. I am a convenience to her, I guess. Things seem off on her end in some ways. 
Anyways, I have partially blocked her on some sites. 
Things have changed with-in me, time to get this moving.
Ultra hard 180 and I won't be doing things for her, I won't have the time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

GooD! And stop comforting her. She has friends.

Feels good not to be a doormat, huh?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Keep it up Agast. You are on the road to healing. The weirdness you are feeling is called detachment. It is a good thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

How long have you been at it w/ the 180 stuff?

I feel, at moments, like it is a good thing but really question it alot too. I've already wavered, like comforting her as you have done. 

Do you think you'll be able to keep it up?


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> GooD! And stop comforting her. She has friends.
> 
> Feels good not to be a doormat, huh?


It was probably the last time. I could barely do it then.
Doormat? No more. Ignored, I am okay with it now. She won't be when she realizes.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Keep it up Agast. You are on the road to healing. The weirdness you are feeling is called detachment. It is a good thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit, I have been trying to detach since we she moved out over a year ago. I am finally doing it. I am not excited or over-joyed, but it will simply give her taste of what she did to me a little before and after(she probably won't care.) As I have said, I am tired of initiating the serious conversations, I may have approached them wrong, but I was always honest and tried my best not to be hurtful. I am starting this and seeing it through to a D by the end of the year(at the latest, mostly financial reasons). That is all I can do.
I set up time lines and go with them. This is the last timeline for "us".


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

sd212 said:


> How long have you been at it w/ the 180 stuff?
> 
> I feel, at moments, like it is a good thing but really question it alot too. I've already wavered, like comforting her as you have done.
> 
> Do you think you'll be able to keep it up?


A little more or less than a month. I wish I had know about this a long time ago. EA(happened in my opinion), PA(dunno/doubt), or my imagination(if this was the case, her family didn't help): I wish I had know long ago.

I don't feel bad about comforting her, but I know it is bad for me. She doesn't return or ask. She receives my affection, kind words, and random kisses (only a few in the last year), but does not give it. Sex is not the end goal( that would at least be of some benefit to me.(very very very little, but I would not be breaking my vows, which I have not.) 

I could do 180 or go dark forever( but we do have kids), I can be stubborn in extremes. She forgets all too often:When I am done, I am done.


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