# Online chat vs in person spouse



## wifehubby (Jan 28, 2012)

Hi everyone,

So a couple of nights ago my wife and i discuss a business idea (around 10pm). Afterwards, My wife watches TV and browses the net/social media/chat (nightly ritual) and I go to my office and research the business idea (stats, costs etc....) at around 2am i come upstairs and tell my wife that i found out some interesting stuff and she gets distracted and starts chatting on her blackberry. I ask her if she cant stop chatting for 15 before i go to bed so i can tell her about what i learnt. She tells me she can't becuase she is having a discussion with smebody about parenting and ita very heated at that point i say ok and i leave.

Next day she is sitting down in the same room as me and i am not giving her any attention and she tells me why i am not Speaking to her and i tell her that if she doesnt have the respect for me to give me 15min of her time at the end of the night then i am not going to put myself down by speaking to her at all.

Am i entitled to ask my wife once a night to take a break from online chatting to have a conversation?

What do you all think?

thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PrincessMarie (Feb 22, 2012)

I'm not really sure how to answer that. I don't know who you are or if your 15min chat turns out longer and more annoying than anyone can deal with. It's childish that you decided to ignore her in return though. If you want your marriage to go down the drain, keep doing that.

Try to talk to HER about why you should be able to talk to her at night and ask why she didn't want to converse. You can't find out anything unless you ask the person who the issue is with.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

should have taken the blackberry to the garage to meet mr hammer.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Instead of getting into some kind of pissing match about who is dissing who, why not try to talk to your wife and let her know that you feel neglected and unimportant because she isn't hearing your need for attention or affection. It's not unreasonable o ask your wife to stop chatting with a friend for a few minutes to listen to something that pertains to an ongoing discussion, but I think you need to learn how to communicate better with her. Why not just say, "I'd like to talk to you about something important. Can you please spare 15 minutes to hear it?" and then leave it up to her to join you or not.

Do you have any reason to believe that she might be chatting with a guy online? Is she just irritated because you've interrupted her in the middle of something and are asking her to be available at the drop of a dime? Try talking to her about your feelings instead of expecting her to simply read your mind. 

The ignore game? That's childish and won't resolve anything.


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

I think you were ill behaved in your actions and response.

Do you expect your wife to drop everything and be at your beck and call? If your wife was already engaged in a conversation upon your arrival, did you give her time to end the conversation? Do you always go to bed at the same time and always end the day with a short chat? 

Your wife cannot be expected to drop everything because you are ready. I think you need to discuss expectations and boundaries regarding this that meets both partner needs.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Both of you sound pretty immature to me.


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## wifehubby (Jan 28, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback and I don't appreciate the insults...

anyways...

I did obviously ask my wife how long she needed to complete her train of thoughts or w/e so we can chat for a few minutes before I went to sleep and she told me that she needed 15 minutes to speak to me. I think that is an unreasonably long time to wait for your spouse (at 2AM) to have a short conversation after being away for 4 hours...

I don't want to have to start making appointments to speak with my wife.

There was an implication in my original explanation that she was chatting for hours and I just came up to have a short chat.

Another implication and I guess part of my frustration is that I feel like she is always on her blackberry and this was an example of what happens (among other things).

(incidentally, watching breaking bad season 3 episode 3, pretty funny marital relationships)

I have spoken to her and she feels that I have no "higher priority" that the people she is chatting with and I have to basically wait my turn (which is ok within reason but not more time than it requires to complete train of thought and tell the person on the other side of the cat to hold on for a bit)

Generally, discussions with my wife don't go very far, she has a temper and is quite stubborn.

Anyways, I've glossed over the issue for now and will deal with the next incident in a slightly different manner....

Thanks!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You're being too beta on her. This WILL lead to further problems in your marriage. Next time be a little more assertive on her.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

I'm just wondering what the OP considers as insults? I re-read all the replies and saw nothing insulting. Maybe you read something you didn't particularly want to hear or maybe you didn't get the validation you were looking for... but they were all solid replies.

And haha 2nd... lucky we don't know each other. If I saw you smash a phone (therefore waste money), I would take to your nuts with a wire brush and vinegar! Nah, not really... but I'd think about it, ya wasteful ******!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What do you talk about? Is it nagging? Questions? Boring?

She's obviously missing some social life and stimulating conversation.


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## onehotmama (Apr 13, 2012)

I can understand why it may have annoyed you, but i think you're overreacting. Pick your battles.. And if it bothers you THAT much and she refuses to make you her top priority, maybe you should get some counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband comes before cyber friends. I value him more than the computer and my actions back that up. If he walked in while I was online he wouldn't have to ask for 15 minutes I'd willingly turn to give him my attention.

I refuse to give the internet my highest priority. 

Yes I love the internet but not over real live people that are HERE in my house.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

The overall advice that you need to talk to her about this seems spot on to me, but I can't blame you at all for being annoyed. Take it from an old pro, tho'... the slient treatment doesn't really solve anything. A frank "You hurt my feelings last night" and discussion from therein would probably be for the best.


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## MmHo (Mar 29, 2012)

It's 2 a.m. in the morning... you have been on the pc looking up stuff and she's probably not too happy that you didn't come to bed until nearly 4hours after you spoke to her. That's probably why she was on the blackberry when you came to bed. Had a similar situation with my STBXH who spent more time on his iMac than he did with me, but wanted me to be ready to talk when he said so!! Did a similar thing and picked up my ipod when he walked in the room after 6hours on the iMac.
He came in and said "How are you going to entertain me this evening?".... one of his regular line for opening communication! I said "I've charged your ipod for you let's play SCRABBLE"!


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