# Feeling overwhelmed.



## skmix (Jun 13, 2011)

My story is posted here in the Going through Divorce and Seperation forum. If you need to recap.

I found the 180 thread on here and decided to give it a try. I stopped all contact with my H for about a month (only speaking when I had updates on the baby). Everytime I did speak to him he laid on the guilt trip saything things like, I still want to be friends and talk to you but your making it impossible, Im going through a really hard time right now and I can't talk to anyone and I dont want to trouble you. I told him that I was here for him and that he could talk to me if he needed to. 

I've been working on myself. Picking up a few new hobbies, exercising regularly, and picking up contact with old friends. It was all going well. There were days when I had a really hard time sticking to my guns but I did it.

One day we were in contact about the baby and things were going great. We were civil with each other, no arguing. I was excited to see my hard work showing progress. Im not sure what exacly happend because after that day he has been calling me and texting me regularly. I never said that the no contact had been lifted he has just taken it apon himself to lift it. There are days when he calls 3-4times a day with short 10-20min conversations and there are days when I will get one phone call that will last anywhere from 20-40mins. 

I dont really know what his intentions are. I made it clear before and during the no contact that I have no intentions on being friends. While speaking I never bring up us, or our relationship, nor does he. Even though our conversations are pleasent I still get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when he calls. I feel nervous and scared about what will be said.

Today I mentioned the fact that his birthday it next week. He said that he was not looking forward to it because there wasn't anything to do. I said he was more than welcome to spend his birthday with me and that we could go do something. He liked the idea and said he would like that but that we'd have to see. 

I guess what im looking for from this post is, what do you think his intentions are? He said back in early April he did not see us working out ever and that he was tierd of trying. This is after months of flip flopping. I have not seen him in 4months and we have been seperated since January 31st. If he decides he wants to spend his birthday with me how do I act. I dont know how to be around him as anything but his wife. I dont know how to show him the changes I've made within myself and show I am serious about doing anything and everything in my power to make this work. I dont want to push him away, or try to take a step forward to end up taking 3 steps back. Help me, Im so overwhelmed with all of this. Even after all the self help books I've read! I really want to make this work, and I greatly appreciate any and all advice. If theres anything thats unclear of if you have any questions feel free to ask.


----------



## skmix (Jun 13, 2011)

no one has any advice for me? Anyone???


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I would repost this as a reply to the original topic. There's too much information missing about your marriage prior to the breakup. We also do not know what YOU want.


----------



## skmix (Jun 13, 2011)

I want to save my marriage. I never wanted the seperation in the first place. To me it came out of nowhere. We had ur problems, one being I was a bit controling in the since that I hated him going out with his friends because I was extremly jealous. I als had very low self esteem and had thoughts of him leavng me all the time. Truth is he has never done anything that should have made me think this ever. He was a very loving and understanding H. 

He said he was unhappy and had been for a while because he felt I was making him miserable never being able to do anything without me nagging, or asking 20 questions. I was in denial that I had ever gone to far. Looking back I made myself look pathetic. I was also some what Hypocritical because I would go out with my freinds and that was ok, but if he wanted to go out I saw it as trying to get away from me. It wasn't like that at all, he just needed him time too. 

I have been working on my issues the last couple months and, I feel I had made much progress. I dont ask him what hes been up to or where he has been going. When I do find out via facebook, or him telling me I dont overreact I simply accept it and move forward. There are still time when I have my little fits of jealous rage but I try not to make it an issue. I keep it to myself and I eventually (within an hour or so) get over it and it does not seem like a big deal. Its been hard. I feel like I trust him more than I have in a very long time. 

As hard as this seperation has been for me I think it was the best thing for me to. It made me look in the mirror and see the person I was, and I did not like that person at all. I would have hated my H if he had acted like I did. Im just sorry it took this seperation fr me to really see myself and to make any drastic changes. I know it might be to late but I want him to see that I can and did change. I love him and I know we can be happy together. I just want to start over and have another change, to do it right this time.

Also when you say repost this as a reply, do you mean I should post whats in this thread to my original thread about the seperation?


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I would recommend the 180 plan, not to try to get him back, but to open up to become who you really want to be. In addition it will give him time to miss you, if that is to be. The hurting does lessen and you will fill whole and maybe understand why you feel less than in your relationship.


----------



## skmix (Jun 13, 2011)

Thank you for your reply. I have been doing the 180 and plan on sticking to it. I feel much better about myself because of it.


----------



## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Soooo...are you going to spend time with him on his birthday or is that a no-go now?


----------

