# Difficult Sister-in-laws to be - Wedding 1 Month away!



## jessielee1 (Apr 7, 2014)

I could use some advice on a family situation. I am getting married in a month and I love my fiancé and his family very much. His parents are divorced and both his parents are re-married. He has 2 younger sisters who are 24 and 28. I get along with the whole family, the sisters and I hit it off really well and over the past 2 years we have started to become friends more & more. His family adores me- I just feel very part of the family and felt the whole family has been excited about our future and the wedding.

The whole wedding experience so far has been stress-free with my fiancé & I. We haven’t fought once over anything wedding-wise and our families have both been very supportive both financially and in all other ways. My maid of honor (best friend) threw me a bridal shower and most recently my bachelorette party. I have six bridesmaids: My fiance’s two sisters, my maid of honor and 3 other close long time girlfriends. None of the girls were very close before the wedding planning – and many have hung out only a few times prior to any wedding events. I knew some of these wedding events may have been challenging blending some of these female personalities but I had in no way imaged it would get as dramatic as it has. I made it very clear to everyone that my maid of honor wanted to plan my bridal shower and bachelorette – so I communicated that she would be the one in charge of those events.

My maid of honor is not the most well-liked person. She has a very strong personality, can be bossy at times and isn’t the most organized person either. You either love her, or you hate her. She is my closest friend and has been a huge part of my life for the past six years- she has a ton of amazing qualities many of these people have not witnessed like I have. The bridal shower thrown for me was a bit of a mess… My maid of honor had help financially from my mother in law, my mom & my step-mother in law – I heard after the shower that there were complaints from my mother in law and her two daughters (my fiancés sisters) towards my maid of honor about the way she did things. The Bridesmaids all chipped in for small things like food & prizes – but my maid of honor planned everything and told me she had a ton of push-back, conflicts and problems from the two sisters throughout the entire process. She told me everyone else was easygoing and there were no issues. 

There is way too much to explain, but it was all petty, ridiculous bickering and drama over the stupidest things- or cheapness with money, etc. My maid of honor was criticized for everything she did by these women. I don’t personally agree with some of the ways she did things either, but it was not done rudely or with bad intent- she was just disorganized at times or her communication was poor. I understand people may have been annoyed with her, but I feel that no matter what, when someone is planning a special event for the Bride, people should just do their best to be easygoing and go with things to make it smooth. Why bicker over petty things and make things more stressful? From what I have heard, the sisters jumped on her at any chance they could get and basically resisted almost everything she tried to plan or do. 

I have had the worst last 3 months ever, fights with my fiancé over his sisters behavior, tears and being stressed out and losing weight over all this drama going back and forth between my maid of honor and his sisters and mother disliking my maid of honor. One of my other bridesmaids also disliked my maid of honor in the past over fights between them, but I have been told she was mature and being the bigger person and her and my maid of honor have even mended their differences and become closer as a result of these events. The drama with all the girls even got to the point that my fiancé had to step in and be the mediator and help the girls resolve some of the issues they were having with planning and other details or money issues etc. The tension still exists between my maid of honor and my sister in laws.

The bachelorette party was up next – and again more drama. The youngest sister did not like how slow my maid of honor was planning the bachelorette, so she swooped in and took over the planning. She started a facebook group of her own and left out my maid of honor because she did not have her on facebook. She just said to the girls to keep her in the loop. My maid of honor was so good about it and just went along with what she had planned and asked if she needed any help with any part of it (at this point she was just sick of the drama). Two days before the bachelorette, the whole idea had to get kyboshed because the beach town my sister in law picked to have the bachelorette had to close all of its bars down as a result of losing their liquor licenses. When this came up my sister-in-law was in a panic and did not know what to do. My maid of honor and 2 other close girlfriends/bridesmaids came together and planned an alternative and it all ended up being perfect- I had the best time and was actually my first choice of where I would have loved my bachelorette (my maid of honor knows me well) J

My sister in laws did not help with anything, they did not bring decorations like they were asked, they brought 2 of their own girlfriends without asking anyone and the one friend did not even chip in for the hotel room – so the bridesmaids asked her to bring alcohol instead if she did not mind, since they all took care of the hotel. The one friend of my sister-in-law brought 2 bottles for 9 women and did not bring what the girls had asked for the Bride specifically. I asked one of my sister-in-laws what happened and she just non-chalont says “Oh I just told her to grab whatever”. Like it was no big deal, I let it go.

During the bachelorette things started out great, everyone was playing nice and everyone seemed to be having a nice time. After dinner and the male strip club (lots of laughs) we all headed to the night club for dancing. As soon as we arrived, within 10 minutes, we all scattered and I did not see my sister in laws for the entire evening. I texted/called them a few times during the night- no answer. The bar was super busy and a bit large, but we circled around a few times and they were nowhere to be found. I spent the entire evening with my maid of honor, my two close girlfriends and the one friend of my sister-in-law (the one who brought the booze) and the 5 of us had an amazing time!
The other 4 girls (my two sister in laws) their cousin and their friend all left the entire night, apparently they went to another bar down the street and we saw them at the end of the evening back at the hotel around 3am.

I did not make any drama over the issue, I just asked how their night was. When I got home, I told my fiancé I thought it was quite rude that they did not spend the evening with any of us. It all worked out anyway, we had fun without them. I was just surprised, out of respect I would never do something like that to them on their own bachelorette parties. *Especially, here is another side note- my fiancé was engaged years ago to his gf of 7 years. They did not work out for whatever reasons, but they broke off the wedding 1-2 months before their wedding date. His ex-fiancé had her bachelorette party with a mix of her friends and my fiance’s sisters of course who were also in her bridal party- and my fiancé told me a long time ago that his ex-fiancé left for the day with her friends and left his sisters at the house and did not call them. The sisters freaked out calling their mom back home in tears and my fiance’s mother called his ex-fiancé and yelled at her. Needless to say, they did not get married and they broke up about a month later. I don’t know the full extent of his past (it is irrelevant now) but I find it really interesting (and concerning) that his ex-fiancé had a similar issue on her bachelorette. The sisters essentially did to ME, exactly what his ex-fiancé did to them and they were clearly upset about it. Just another example of their hypocritical behavior.

The whole wedding process so far, I have been very disappointed with the behavior of my fiance’s sisters. One, for giving my maid of honor so much hassle… Although I know she wasn’t the best or organized, I don’t feel she deserved so much difficulty and lack of respect. Even taking over for her to attempt to plan the bachelorette – and then when it all fell apart, did not get involved helping with the alternative plan. The sisters did nothing but criticize my maid of honor for her faults or un-organization – yet when they jumped in to plan on their own, everyone was so supportive and went along with whatever they wanted and even offering to help or asking what can they bring, etc. Then finally during the evening of the bachelorette to just disappear and not tell anyone.

My fiancé agrees it was rude, but that’s all he said. I don’t think anything will be said to them about their behavior though. I don’t personally want to start any drama by discussing it with them on my own either, as I feel I am in a no-win situation, if I end up having the sisters hating me, that might affect my relationship with my husband to be. I feel like I had such a great relationship with them before these wedding events transpired- but now I have a totally different view of them, based on some of their behaviors I have seen. 

I think they can be very selfish, they like to stir the pot and be difficult when being the bigger person is better at times, they don’t give people much respect. The sisters don’t realize that I have seen their immaturity first hand from reading some of the text messages that were sent back & forth with my friends during the planning of the bridal shower & bachelorette party. I know either of them are in a very good position financially, so the cheapness with money I can understand. Recently, the sisters have also had drama and arguments with their step mother, so I have witnessed some of this behavior going on towards her as well, in addition to the wedding drama. Their step-mother left town over a huge fight they had and we thought she might even divorce their dad over all this. Apparently there has been on-going problems with the sisters and their step mother for years- with the lack of respect towards her.

I could use some advice, or if there is anything I should do about all these events that have transpired? Or how can I moving forward, try to have a relationship with them when I personally feel they haven’t treated me or people close to me with very much respect. I know my personality and when their times come to get married, I will want to go above and beyond to make their wedding day/wedding events super special. It just kind of hurts when I will do that knowing, I was not treated with much respect.

I have picked up on a bit of a trend with their behaviors that they are very spoiled girls. Their dad (my future father in law) has his own company and is quite well off. He pays for all the girls cell phones, car insurance, car payments, gas cards, whatever he can by putting it through the company. My husband to be is the VP at his father’s company- so once we are married I will enjoy some of these perks as well, but I have worked full time my whole life and have a career of my own that I don’t need my husband to pay any of my bills- I am completed independent and we own our home together. I find his sisters maybe resentful of the life their step mother now lives since their mom & dad divorced, or perhaps now I am included in that since my fiancé and I are very financially comfortable as well (BOTH of us) together. 

I have told my fiancé that I am considering pre-marital counseling to learn how to cope and deal with his family dynamic and ensure that we have a successful marriage and not be dragged into a lot of un-necessary family drama with the rest of his broken family. I am a big picture thinker, and I envision our future with our children and accommodating his mom’s side, his dad’s side, my family.. It will be challenging for sure.

Thoughts? :scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... I'm glad I have a penis. Too much drama for me. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

Be gracious.

Credit everyone involved with the best possible intentions.

Remember that your standards and values are meant to govern _your_ behavior...not anyone else's.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

My initial response- what?? You pick a difficult, bossy maid of honor and then have your mother-in-law pay for having to deal with her crap. Looks like you exercised not the best judgment. 

"My maid of honor is not the most well-liked person. She has a very strong personality, can be bossy at times and isn’t the most organized person either. You either love her, or you hate her." 
… My maid of honor had help financially from my mother in law, my mom & my step-mother in law – I heard after the shower that there were complaints from my mother in law and her two daughters (my fiancés sisters) towards my maid of honor.

You don't ask people for money and not expect comments. 

"I have told my fiancé that I am considering pre-marital counseling to learn how to cope and deal with his family dynamic and ensure that we have a successful marriage and not be dragged into a lot of un-necessary family drama with the rest of his broken family." 
Pre-martial counseling almost always makes sense even in the best of marriages. That counseling should include discussion of their perception that you are picking your friend over his family. Note apparently, it is not just one family member who has a problem with your best friend, but a whole lot. 

I am a big picture thinker, and I envision our future with our children and accommodating his mom’s side, his dad’s side, my family. It will be challenging for sure. That includes some more realism about your need to compromise, and prevent situation which occasion rather than reduce conflict. Be friends with your best friend, talk with her, but make sure she does not help create conflict in already difficult relationships. 

Thoughts? 
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about the way she did things. The Bridesmaids all chipped in for small things like food & prizes – but my maid of honor planned everything and told me she had a ton of push-back, conflicts and problems from the two sisters throughout the entire process. She told me everyone else was easygoing and there were no issues. 

There is way too much to explain, but it was all petty, ridiculous bickering and drama over the stupidest things- or cheapness with money, etc. My maid of honor was criticized for everything she did by these women. I don’t personally agree with some of the ways she did things either, but it was not done rudely or with bad intent- she was just disorganized at times or her communication was poor. I understand people may have been annoyed with her, but I feel that no matter what, when someone is planning a special event for the Bride, people should just do their best to be easygoing and go with things to make it smooth. Why bicker over petty things and make things more stressful? From what I have heard, the sisters jumped on her at any chance they could get and basically resisted almost everything she tried to plan or do. 

I have had the worst last 3 months ever, fights with my fiancé over his sisters behavior, tears and being stressed out and losing weight over all this drama going back and forth between my maid of honor and his sisters and mother disliking my maid of honor.


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