# Would you accept a sexless relationship in the later stages of your marriage?



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Some of you might have read my thread in SIM... :laugh: This is somewhat related, but I'm trying to understand how common or widespread this is. According to my wife, very. 

An example: both in mid-late '50s, nest almost empty, wife going through menopause. Not interested in sex anymore. Suggests a sexless marriage. Would you accept it? And why? Is sex very important in your relationship, even at a later stage? Or am I a little **** for nor budging and still wanting sex? To the many people who have been commenting on my thread - and I thank you - can you please not drag my personal circumstances into this? Whatever opinion you have of me... :x it's a general question. I'm truly interested...

EDIT: Would it be possible for you to specify what kind of action would you take if you replied NO? Divorce, open marriage?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Personally, absolutely not! Our 50s (mine particularly) were/are the peak of _our_ sexual activity and enjoyment. While we are now slowing down - a _bit_ - we are hoping to maintain a good sex life into our 80s, and maybe beyond if we're still alive and sufficiently healthy. Many people in good relationship DO continue to have sex into their later years, according to studies. It does change and transform with physical capacity, but intimacy remains important. In addition, we are _both_ pursuing every avenue (medical and otherwise) possible to keep the desire and activity going.

As long as you have sexual desire, I think it is healthy and normal to want to act on it. If you don't have a willing partner, then you need to look at the overall relationship and decide if the value (and happiness!) of that justifies sacrificing your sexuality. That decision is a highly personal one, of course. For me, the answer is clearer, since my first long marriage was sexless. I left because of it, since there were insufficient other positives, and I'm far happier now.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Personally, absolutely not! Our 50s (mine particularly) were/are the peak of _our_ sexual activity and enjoyment. While we are now slowing down - a _bit_ - we are hoping to maintain a good sex life into our 80s, and maybe beyond if we're still alive and sufficiently healthy. Many people in good relationship DO continue to have sex into their later years, according to studies. It does change and transform with physical capacity, but intimacy remains important. In addition, we are _both_ pursuing every avenue (medical and otherwise) possible to keep the desire and activity going.
> 
> As long as you have sexual desire, I think it is healthy and normal to want to act on it. If you don't have a willing partner, then you need to look at the overall relationship and decide if the value (and happiness!) of that justifies sacrificing your sexuality. That decision is a highly personal one, of course. For me, the answer is clearer, since my first long marriage was sexless. I left because of it, since there were insufficient other positives, and I'm far happier now.


So, you would leave your wife? Divorce her? Ask for an open relationship?


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I ended my sexless marriage, but to me the sexlessness was more a symptom of even larger problems. 

I could be wrong (he never explained) but my ex-husband's behavior came across as a way to control. 

I say that because he wouldn't open up (no genuine communication) and made absolutely no effort to make it better (no action). And all my attempts were basically ignored (we would have talks, initiated by me, and then nothing changed).

And I didn't threaten divorce. When I was ready, I told him I wanted a divorce - once, and I followed through. During our separation (a year required by law), I did try and talk to him about ways to improve things, but he was unresponsive, just as he had been during our marriage.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> So, you would leave your wife? Divorce her? Ask for an open relationship?


I'm not exactly a Tinder heartbreaking entity... But the choice to part ways was not predicated by sex.

Way too many pieces were falling off.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

No.
In mid moving to last half of 50s already, married over 30, sex is still great.

Barring medical, hope to continue till 120yrs old. 😊😊😊


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Early mid 50s, menopause but no kids. Would I accept a sexless marriage, no. Do I accept that the sex (in the bedroom and the path there) is different, yes. That took me a while.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm sorry, but menopause is 0 excuse for a sexless marriage. I repeat, menopause not a valid excuse for a sexless marriage. A woman who says it is is full of it. There is plenty of help out there if you want to have sex during and after menopause.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> I'm sorry, but menopause is 0 excuse for a sexless marriage. I repeat, menopause not a valid excuse for a sexless marriage. A woman who says it is is full of it. There is plenty of help out there if you want to have sex during and after menopause.


This times a hundred.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> So, you would leave your wife? Divorce her? Ask for an open relationship?


I divorced my first wife in my 40s over this issue - and other issues, since there was more to the lack of intimacy than just sex.

And yes, I would divorce again if necessary. Early in this relationship we agreed to an open relationship should either of us be unable to have sex. (If we didn't already have this agreement, we'd certainly discuss it should the need arise.) We'd stay together if the rest of the relationship is good. If one of us is _unwilling_ (but able), then there are much deeper problems that an open relationship would not resolve, so we'd divorce. Of course, we both value sex very highly, and think it is key to staying bonded with each other. As long as we can maintain _some_ kind of satisfying sexual intimacy (even if it is not PiV sex), and actually _like _being together, we'll stay together.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I'm sorry, but menopause is 0 excuse for a sexless marriage. I repeat, menopause not a valid excuse for a sexless marriage. A woman who says it is is full of it. There is plenty of help out there if you want to have sex during and after menopause.


If it is furnished as an excuse, then it's a sign of bigger issues in the bedroom and in the relationship... I know for sure... :laugh:


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I divorced my first wife in my 40s over this issue - and other issues, since there was more to the lack of intimacy than just sex.
> 
> And yes, I would divorce again if necessary. Early in this relationship we agreed to an open relationship should either of us be unable to have sex. (If we didn't already have this agreement, we'd certainly discuss it should the need arise.) We'd stay together if the rest of the relationship is good. If one of us is _unwilling_ (but able), then there are much deeper problems that an open relationship would not resolve, so we'd divorce. Of course, we both value sex very highly, and think it is key to staying bonded with each other. As long as we can maintain _some_ kind of satisfying sexual intimacy (even if it is not PiV sex), and actually _like _being together, we'll stay together.


thank you!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No.

I would divorce.

Being willing but medically hindered would not cause me to leave but if she didn't even want to try we would be finished.

I wouldn't put much credibility in a statement made by a dried up prune about how common sexless marriages are and how acceptable it is.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

If you have read any of my posts, my wife and I are in our early sixties. We are now empty nesters. We have been through menopause. Sex has never ever stopped. Period. We are in, what we have called the perfect storm. No kids, in reasonable physical shape and guess what? The menopause left her with more male hormone which governs sex drive. So, we are once every other day to once a day. We would have sex more, but her hips bother her and my knees are not what they once were. So we need a day off to recover, although that does go by the wayside more often than not. (My favorite line from the other day, we had a house full of luncheon guests, and I catch her with a peck on the neck and an indecent proposal for once these people leave, her reply? "Thought that you would never ask.")

Yes, in many cases, our friends have turned away from one another, more than turning toward one another. If her drives are sinking, which they tend to do during menopause, keep up the interest in her, and tell her that you are not disposed toward living a life without sex and passion. A sexless marriage usually leads to someone wanting to step out. (Best friend, wife put it to him that she was no longer interested, he lasted six months before he started roving, and the confession caught her by surprise-she thought he would be content to never be touched again, as she was-so he is onto a new relationship, and she is trying to figure out whether she is going to spend the next 20 all alone, or will she take her vajayjay out of cold storage-my bet is that sitting in a little house in nowheresville, all alone is not conducive to a good life)


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Open Marriages seem logistically very difficult. I mean unless you have the money to rent a F*k pad, you are gonna run into difficulties ("Baby be quiet my wife is sleeping the other room..."). It will just be a trainwreck.

Divorce or possible even Legal Separation (since you both are near retirement- but I'm no expert) is the way to go. Why do you think you are being the sh!t for wanting sex? Even if she doesn't particularly like sex anymore, its still her wifely duty to keep her husband satisfied. Its not hard - get some lube and knock out the cobwebs...

Otherwise there is no reason for a marriage. She is the little sh!t and being selfish. Get rid of her.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

If we are in our late 50's or 60's and there is no sex because of health issues, I would stay with my H. Because sex would not be so important to me because we have already spent so much time together and I have no desire to be in another marriage.

And besides, there are so many other ways to love each other. However, if he were to becomes an ass and the marriage is sexless and hostile, then, I would not stay. 

I refuse to stay in a ugly, nasty and bitter marriage just because. My soul would not be able to stay alive living like that.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I knowingly entered into a relationship with a man who has an existing heart condition. So, I knew upfront that at some point, sex would likely be limited by his health. So far, his health is good and our sex life is happy and compatible. If/when his health deteriorates, I expect our sex life to change and possibly eventually become technically sexless. I would not leave or open the relationship because of that. Because we are happy and love each other, and I knew what his prognosis meant for our future before I committed to this relationship. 

However, as has been mentioned upthread, I wouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship, whether there was sex or not. So, if the relationship ever degraded to the point that it was angry, nasty, bitter, and sexless as a result, then I would leave.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I assume you mean "NO" as in no more PIV sex.

What about a handjob, or thwacking at it a few times with a rolled up newspaper? Is there also a hard "NO" to anything like that?


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Sure, its not much of a difference from what I'm accepting now.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I assume you mean "NO" as in no more PIV sex.
> 
> What about a handjob, or thwacking at it a few times with a rolled up newspaper? Is there also a hard "NO" to anything like that?


Yes to hand jobs and rolled up newspaper. Not so sure 100% what the rolled up newspaper will be used for but hey if he knows what to do with it, then, why the hell not.:grin2:


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I was thinking about starting a thread asking very similar questions. Now I get home from work and here is thread already started. 

Anyway about the actual topic. It's a little blurry about whether to answer yes or to answer no because romance and sexuality and affection and such get blurry as we age and go through various life stages. 

If we are talking about wild, monkey sex with actual legs-over-the-shoulders PIV intercourse - my answer is that at some age and stage in my life I will probably be ok with that and not divorce strictly for that reason. 

(Wwwwwhhhhaaaattttt? Oldshirt said he wouldn't divorce over lack of sex?????? :-O what is the world coming to? LOL )


Yes, sexuality and romance and physical affection are very important to me. But let's be realistic, at some point PIV sex will likely be a thing of the past or at least not very frequent and life goes on. I imagine most 85 year old couples have not had PIV sex in a good number of years. 

But there is so much other than PIV sex that still constitutes having a marital love and sex life. 


Currently, my wife is post menopausal. While she still looks great, her libido and her desire to actual sex with me has dropped into the abyss. She will still initiate some PIV every now and then, but once she has had her orgasm, she'll tell me to hurry up and will start watching the clock. I get the feeling that every few weeks she gets a little tension building up and she wants an orgasm to relieve it and then go on about her day. She's kinda getting like a dude in that respect. 

Now if I were to ask nicely, she would probably give me a HJ or BJ to shut me up and keep me from hitting up the neighbor ladies or something, but she is accomidating just enough so that I cannot say that we technically have a sexless marriage or that she is not doing her wifely duties. 

She is also physically affection and does like to hug and shmooch and cuddle and stuff. 

She is still warm and loving and physically affection towards me and is respectful towards me. 

But as far as passionate and wild porno sex? Nah, those days are probably behind us. 


Am I going to pack and leave over this? Not for now. 

But if she was this way 20 years ago when I was still in my prime?????? that is a whole other story. Chances are I would have been long gone before even getting to this stage. Chances are also likely that if she felt about sex with me the way she does now 20 years ago, she would have left me and moved on to some other dude before I could have gotten the paperwork started. 

But the fact that we have had many years of a sex life that most porn stars don't even live and the fact that she does occasion still want to have some contact and a PIV orgasm and the fact that she would accomidate me with a HJ or BJ if I ask nicely and she has nothing more pressing going on like clothes in the dryer or dishes in the sink etc, I am probably at a stage where I'll suck it up for now. 

But if she were to turn completely cold on me with no warmth, no affection, no closeness or connection and completely close off the sexual spigot, Yes, I would pack and go and she knows this. 

And frankly I would assume and expect that she would pack and go if I told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her but that she was welcome to stay in the house and share household expenses and chores. 

I can tell I am not the man I was even 5 years ago, and I assume I will be even less in 5 more years to come. But whether I would ever accept a completely sexless and affectionless marriage in the foreseeable future is doubtful.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

If she was fully capable, there is no F'ing way I accept it.

Send her packing.


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am 67 and my wife is 66. We are married 46 years. When we turned 60 my wife did not want to have sex anymore. Menopause killed her libido. When she told me this I told her that I understood and assumed that it meant I was free to date other women since she could not possibly expect me to give up sex. She said that she did expect me to give up sex. I told her I would not be happy doing that and would probably cheat on her, maybe leave her for someone who wants sex. 

Long story short we set a policy of sex once a week. Turns out that despite not feeling like she wants sex, once I arouse her she has the most intense orgasms of her life. I also bought her a good vibrator and a second one we tested out today. So she now knows that she will get in the mood if she gets into bed with me an we do have sex once or twice a week at our age. Give up sex, never.


----------



## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

brooklynann said:


> yes to hand jobs and rolled up newspaper. Not so sure 100% what the rolled up newspaper will be used for but hey if he knows what to do with it, then, why the hell not.:grin2:


🤣🤣😆🤣


----------



## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

And to answer your question the answer is no. It's not just the sex it's the initamcy that goes along with it. Hell, all the crap I put up with in my marriage, at least the sex was good. If I not, I probably would have woke up and smelled the coffee a long time ago &#55357;&#56834;


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The wake up moment was when I realized she was incapable of "nursing" me to better health if need be. And that she preferred the McMansion to travel.

Nothing fundamentally wrong here. Just incompatible. 

Maybe I should learn from her father. At 85 he has a full time housekeeper 30 years younger than him and is concerned people will say something . 

I need an RN or BSN, who loves to take long walks to Shoneys or Popeyes Chicken


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Well I'm about to turn 35, so by the time this could become an issue, the robot sex dolls will be so damn advanced, I'm sure I'll figure something else out. I bet they will even be programmed to go make me a sammich and fetch me a beer without *****ing about it after ive had my way with them...


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> Some of you might have read my thread in SIM... :laugh: This is somewhat related, but I'm trying to understand how common or widespread this is. According to my wife, very.
> 
> An example: both in mid-late '50s, nest almost empty, wife going through menopause. Not interested in sex anymore. Suggests a sexless marriage. Would you accept it? And why? Is sex very important in your relationship, even at a later stage? Or am I a little sh!t for nor budging and still wanting sex? To the many people who have been commenting on my thread - and I thank you - can you please not drag my personal circumstances into this? Whatever opinion you have of me... :x it's a general question. I'm truly interested...
> 
> EDIT: Would it be possible for you to specify what kind of action would you take if you replied NO? Divorce, open marriage?


*Sex, in a committed relationship, is all too important, for both parties!

Without it, you only have a facade of a true relationship, and in my book is a true dealbreaker and most worthy of divorce!*


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Well I'm about to turn 35, so by the time this could become an issue, the robot sex dolls will be so damn advanced, I'm sure I'll figure something else out. I bet they will even be programmed to go make me a sammich and fetch me a beer without *****ing about it after ive had my way with them...


:lol:


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

First off, mid 50's is not necessarily the later stage of a marriage. If it were truly the later stages of a marriage, say we were in our 80's and one of us broke our hip or simply were unable to have sex for some reason, then the answer would be yes. 

I was 50 years old when my ex and I reached the empty nest phase. I imagined us finally enjoying our time alone together. She imagined hanging out with girlfriends. Our sex life got worse than it had been, because now she was just too busy. She even told me "I do not have time to think about having sex with you because I am just too busy!" Which was a real kick in the nuts to me. 

I became deeply unhappy because I still desired to be with the women who was the mother of my child, the woman I had invested half of my life with, the woman I had suffered and toiled for, the woman who I decided to stay with thru her yo-yo diets, her thyroid disease, and all the rest of her imperfections. But she apparently was just too busy planning girls week ends, cruises with her besties and all of the other stuff she did. I felt cuckolded and depressed. 

When she finally decided she wanted out (because I was depressed and unhappy and she decided she deserved more that that), at first I was devastated. But as I have recovered I have discovered that there are lots and lots of women out there who still enjoy and want sex. They are more adventuresome and more willing and much less inhibited than what I had had. And life is good.

I was and still am a healthy adult male. I still want and enjoy sex. I settled for tidbits when I was still in my prime, but will not anymore. There is no good reason for anyone who still desires sex to become celibate just because the person they are married to decides they will be. If your spouse decides to be celibate, they owe it to you to set you free and if they refuse, you owe it to yourself to set your self free. As Taxman said, living alone in a little house in nowheresville is a sad way to live, but then that is their choice not yours.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I'm amused that your 50's are the later stages of a marriage. 

Do you plan to die before 60, or get a divorce? 

It's not that unusual to get married in your 50's.


----------



## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

OP makes one excuse after another. By the time he gets divorced helll be 75.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Since the context here involves age and aging, I think it is important to not confuse marital romance and sexuality with strictly PIV intercourse. 

Age, health issues, physical condition, hormonal issues etc may greatly impact the frequency and intensity of actual PIV sex. 

It's probably unrealistic to expect most 85 year olds to be breaking the bed frame banging it out night after night. 

So there probably is some kind of expiration date on PIV for most couples. 

Am I going to divorce my wife at 85 because she won't do PIV? Of course not.

But general sexuality and romance and warmth and affection is something all together different.

My parents were 86 and 90 when they died. They held hands, shmooched, hugged and cuddled and flirted and exchanged I love you'd etc etc right up to their deaths. 

I can live with that at 85 even if the PIV date has expired.

But if my spouse does not want to be with me and does not desire me in any way and wants no warmth or physical affection and no romantic/sexual contact with me at all, then all bets are off and no guarantees.

As another poster stated above, there are lots of women at any age that still want romance and affection and some form of sexuality at any age. 

I'm not going to waste one moment of what time I have left on earth with someone that does want to be with me.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I'm not going to waste one moment of what time I have left on earth with someone that does want to be with me.


And by "wants to be with me," I mean someone that wants to be with me romantically/sexually/affectionately as each other's special someone - not just wants to be in my house to share household expenses and housekeeping chores. 

I have a very strict no roommate policy.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> I was thinking about starting a thread asking very similar questions. Now I get home from work and here is thread already started.


beat you to it...

:grin2:


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

badsanta said:


> I assume you mean "NO" as in no more PIV sex.
> 
> What about a handjob, or thwacking at it a few times with a rolled up newspaper? Is there also a hard "NO" to anything like that?


That would be fine... a nice strip-tease would be fine too... oral... I don't particularly need PIV... :laugh:


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

SpinyNorman said:


> I'm amused that your 50's are the later stages of a marriage.
> 
> Do you plan to die before 60, or get a divorce?
> 
> It's not that unusual to get married in your 50's.


Well, I said "later" not "late"... I've been married 28 years, so if feels like an awful lot of time to me... :smile2:


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> Some of you might have read my thread in SIM... :laugh: This is somewhat related, but I'm trying to understand how common or widespread this is. According to my wife, very.
> 
> An example: both in mid-late '50s, nest almost empty, wife going through menopause. Not interested in sex anymore. Suggests a sexless marriage. Would you accept it? And why? Is sex very important in your relationship, even at a later stage? Or am I a little **** for nor budging and still wanting sex? To the many people who have been commenting on my thread - and I thank you - can you please not drag my personal circumstances into this? Whatever opinion you have of me... :x it's a general question. I'm truly interested...
> 
> EDIT: Would it be possible for you to specify what kind of action would you take if you replied NO? Divorce, open marriage?


I note you missed off masturbation.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I note you missed off masturbation.


:grin2:


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> :grin2:


I was actually making a serious point!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I was actually making a serious point!


well, yes... not sure I would like to do that for the rest of my life when I'm actually married... :laugh:


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Since the context here involves age and aging, I think it is important to not confuse marital romance and sexuality with strictly PIV intercourse.


That, and it's not all about the orgasms. 

Related, we did discuss that starfish would not be offered or accepted, it's not fair to anyone. But barring a valid no, if occasionally she's not into PiV that's fine. I do at least want some quality "naked time", no pressure or expectation of PiV, but let's just see what happens. Often something will, and if not she'll provide eyecandy and a place for me to finish myself off on.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> well, yes... not sure I would like to do that for the rest of my life when I'm actually married... :laugh:


You might be surprised what you will end up doing in your married life!


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

The physical part perhaps I could address, but it would disturb me that she did not care about my happiness. I'd make a point of using the same language she used- my friend Jack said a man should never be pushed to go to his inlaws, if he does not feel comfortable or in the mood, his wife should respect that.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

@In Absentia - So my question to you is, would YOU accept a sexless marriage?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> @In Absentia - So my question to you is, would YOU accept a sexless marriage?


He already is.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Depends on why. If she was physically or mentally incapable of doing it but was working on alternatives (hands, mouth) with the eventual hope of fixing it, then yes. If she just decided she didn't want to have sex anymore, nah.

Lots of times it not they the spouse doesn't want to have sex it's just they don't want to have sex with you. They may not even know it. Not good.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> @In Absentia - So my question to you is, would YOU accept a sexless marriage?


No, and this is why we are going separate ways... there are no health issues here, so there is no reason for me to stay in a marriage where your spouse decides unilaterally that your sex life is over...


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personal said:


> He already is.


No, I told my wife the marriage is over. I'm still at home because I'm looking into the divorce now...


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Some of you might have read my thread in SIM... :laugh: This is somewhat related, but I'm trying to understand how common or widespread this is. According to my wife, very.
> 
> An example: both in mid-late '50s, nest almost empty, wife going through menopause. Not interested in sex anymore. Suggests a sexless marriage. Would you accept it? And why? Is sex very important in your relationship, even at a later stage? Or am I a little **** for nor budging and still wanting sex? To the many people who have been commenting on my thread - and I thank you - can you please not drag my personal circumstances into this? Whatever opinion you have of me... :x it's a general question. I'm truly interested...
> 
> EDIT: Would it be possible for you to specify what kind of action would you take if you replied NO? Divorce, open marriage?


Not on your life.

Unless of course there is a medical reason, but that's obviously not your situation.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Personal said:


> He already is.


You entirely missed my point. I KNOW he is in a sexless marriage.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> You entirely missed my point. I KNOW he is in a sexless marriage.


Which answers your question in the affirmative, since he still hasn't sought a divorce.

So it is evident that has chosen to accept a sexless marriage.

That said there's nothing wrong with him choosing to accept a sexless marriage if that is his want.

Just as there is nothing wrong with him deciding to change his mind if that is his want. Which would be demonstrated by divorcing his wife, as a consequence of her unilateral withdrawal of marital sex.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> No, I told my wife the marriage is over. I'm still at home because I'm looking into the divorce now...


Has your wife received the divorce petition?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

We are in our early 60's. We have regular sex, but there is no way that I would divorce him or cheat if he couldn't or would have sex any more. 
My marriage is far far more important than that. 

I am not going to end a marriage for one reason, its so much more than that, nor am I ever going to cheat on my husband. I greatly value him and our marriage.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> We are in our early 60's. We have regular sex, but there is no way that I would divorce him or cheat if he couldn't or would have sex any more.
> My marriage is far far more important than that.
> 
> I am not going to end a marriage for one reason, its so much more than that, nor am I ever going to cheat on my husband. I greatly value him and our marriage.


 You could say the same thing about a 2 or 3 months affair in a 20 year marriage. 20 years is so much more than 2 or 3 months. The bottom line is, with holding this most intimate act from your spouse for a long period of time for no other reason than selfishness is just as painful and damaging as an affair. I resent when someone minimizes what constant rejection does to a person by acting as if it's just a small thing to be rejected sexually for years on end.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Personal said:


> Which answers your question in the affirmative, since he still hasn't sought a divorce.
> 
> So it is evident that has chosen to accept a sexless marriage.
> 
> ...


WTF are you talking about???? And what the hell is the deal with saying there's "nothing wrong" with what OP chooses to do with the lack of sex in his marriage???? I haven't said a thing about what is right or wrong here. 

Tell you what, since we are quite obviously living in different universes, I'll just block you. I just don't have time to deal with obtuseness. BLOCKED.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

No, and I’d likely divorce, because an open relationship would lead to that anyway.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personal said:


> Has your wife received the divorce petition?


Not yet... :laugh:


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> We are in our early 60's. We have regular sex, but there is no way that I would divorce him or cheat if he couldn't or would have sex any more.
> My marriage is far far more important than that.
> 
> I am not going to end a marriage for one reason, its so much more than that, nor am I ever going to cheat on my husband. I greatly value him and our marriage.


This is why it's always a sign of an underlying problem in the marriage. My wife's checked out emotionally and doesn't care anymore. If she _really_ cared, she wouldn't do this. Or maybe now she's found the courage to do it. I'll never know.


----------



## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

No ... I wouldn't ... due to the following point of reference:

My maternal grandfather was one of the greatest influences in my life. He passed away almost 3 years ago at 99 ... my grandmother is still alive at 101. They were married 78 years. At his funeral, we were all telling stories about him and his life, and my aunt shared that the biggest argument they had in those 78 years, was when my grandmother cut him off at 96 ... she would have been 95 at the time. (Hint: he was a WWII vet and the VA provided little blue pills).

So to In Absentia, if my little old stereotypical southern Baptist grandmother could still bring her game well into her 90's, then your W should be wearing you out in her 50's.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

MyRevelation said:


> No ... I wouldn't ... due to the following point of reference:
> 
> My maternal grandfather was one of the greatest influences in my life. He passed away almost 3 years ago at 99 ... my grandmother is still alive at 101. They were married 78 years. At his funeral, we were all telling stories about him and his life, and my aunt shared that the biggest argument they had in those 78 years, was when my grandmother cut him off at 96 ... she would have been 95 at the time. (Hint: he was a WWII vet and the VA provided little blue pills).
> 
> So to In Absentia, if my little old stereotypical southern Baptist grandmother could still bring her game well into her 90's, then your W should be wearing you out in her 50's.


My new life goal: Beat MyRevelation's grandmother's record


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

MyRevelation said:


> So to In Absentia, if my little old stereotypical southern Baptist grandmother could still bring her game well into her 90's, then your W should be wearing you out in her 50's.


:crying:


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MyRevelation said:


> No ... I wouldn't ... due to the following point of reference:
> 
> My maternal grandfather was one of the greatest influences in my life. He passed away almost 3 years ago at 99 ... my grandmother is still alive at 101. They were married 78 years. At his funeral, we were all telling stories about him and his life, and my aunt shared that the biggest argument they had in those 78 years, was when my grandmother cut him off at 96 ... she would have been 95 at the time. (Hint: he was a WWII vet and the VA provided little blue pills).
> 
> So to In Absentia, if my little old stereotypical southern Baptist grandmother could still bring her game well into her 90's, then your W should be wearing you out in her 50's.


This is the post of the year and should be read by everyone suggesting it is a valid reason for sex to be over at 50 due to "menopause".


----------



## SGr (Mar 19, 2015)

Umm. What she said!! 

Sent from my BLA-A09 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

I am accepting it now for the time being....until I can get a few more ducks in a row and possibly divorce. My husband and I are sexless....18 mos. The last couple of times it was just awkward....emotionless....boring....no arousal on my part. He does have health issues....but I believe most of those issues have been caused by his long term drinking and heavy smoking. He won't quit either of them....not even for his own health concerns. 

We have reached roommate status....we have for years. He denies it and seems to have no problem with it. If he does, he does not discuss it with me in any way, let alone help try to resolve the issue. I am no longer willing to accept that this is how I am supposed to live out the rest of my marriage.


----------



## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Lukedog said:


> I am accepting it now for the time being....until I can get a few more ducks in a row and possibly divorce. My husband and I are sexless....18 mos. The last couple of times it was just awkward....emotionless....boring....no arousal on my part. He does have health issues....but I believe most of those issues have been caused by his long term drinking and heavy smoking. He won't quit either of them....not even for his own health concerns.
> 
> We have reached roommate status....we have for years. He denies it and seems to have no problem with it. If he does, he does not discuss it with me in any way, let alone help try to resolve the issue. I am no longer willing to accept that this is how I am supposed to live out the rest of my marriage.


Maybe you want to start your own post so these folks can help you. Sorry your going thru this


----------

