# I don't think he loves me anymore



## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

I'm sure this topic is on here a thousand times but this is my situation and I really need to vent to someone because I don't have anyone to talk to.
My husband and I have been together for 8 1/2 years and married for 2. We started out young. I was 16 and he was 21. We lost our virginity to one another. I feel and always have felt that he just settled for me. I'm the first girl that gave it up to him so he decided he better keep me around. Our relationship was good until about 7 months ago.
Now it just seems like he's sick of me. He gets irritated about a lot of things. He never wants to talk to me or do things with me. We do work at the same place so we see a lot more of ech other than most people do but still we need to do things together outside of work to as we'll as have our time apart. In the summer he goes away every weekend to fish so I mean its not like we never have time apart. 
He doesn't want to have sex any more either. I don't know if this is some kind of sign that he's cheating or thinking about cheating but either way that kind of hurts. We've never had the greatest sex life bc I think maybe he expected a lot more sexually out of me and he didn't get the kind of sexlife he wanted. And of course as a women I'm insecure about my body so I've always been weird about that but it's nothing new. 
I've tried to talk to him about how I'm feeling and he just brushes it off as I'm being clingy or something. Also I know that he has a little crush on someone at work, which in my opinion is natural. Everyone has crushes at some point. I've had them. I would never act on it but I've had crushes on men. He tells me that I'm just jealous and that's why I'm being so needy lately.
Also I had a miscarriage last year and I don't know if he resents me because I couldn't carry his child or what. He was so wxcited when we found out I was pregnant and he was so upset when I lost it. I feel like he holds it against me or something. 
I don't know what to do. I cry all the time because I just don't know how to make this better.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get hold of his phone and look for one number that he calls or texts a lot or that calls or texts him a lot. It may even be linked to a guy's name. Find out who that number belongs to.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

If he is detaching from you emotionally and physically, I would investigate that there's not an infidelity issue going on. Sometimes when there's a change in the way our spouse treat us, we internalize our fears and think that something is wrong with us:we're not pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough etc. It isn't your fault you miscarried and he should be supportive of you as both of you grieve for this loss. People on TAM sometimes suggest the no contact rule where the WS is forced to acknowledge what life would be like as you stop doing all the things that are involved in a relationship. Read on that and see if it's something that you would consider helpful.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I would investigate a little to make sure there is nothing going on.,,..is he protective of his phone? Have you asked him what he is expecting in the bed room? Without that knowledge you can't blame yourself.


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

So update. 2 days ago I went away with my mom and stepdad and my step brothers GAY best friend to my step bros graduation. On the 5 hour drive all my husband did was text me mean things. Things like "maybe youll enjoy it when [gay friend] has sex with you with his 11 inch ****" and I'm sorry that I can't please you , the stock guy really missed you maybe he can please you and just really really inappropriate stuff like that. Like it was completely uncalled for obviously.
I have never said anything like that to him. I may not like sex but I don't tell him that, he says it, and for the last month he has turned me down every time I put the offer on the table. I have also never told him that his penis is small, he thinks it is small. That's not my fault. That certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep with a gay man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Was he upset that you went to your brother's graduation?

Did you check his phone bill to see if he's been calling/texting one or two numbers a LOT?

Why don't you like sex? 

Can you clarify.. is he saying that you do not like sex?

Your husband was completely out of line texting you those things. Has he ever done this before?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Did you check his phone records yet? Everything you're describing is exactly what a man does when he starts cheating.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Why don't you like sex. Is he frustrated because he can't please you?


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

KC89 said:


> So update. 2 days ago I went away with my mom and stepdad and my step brothers GAY best friend to my step bros graduation. On the 5 hour drive all my husband did was text me mean things. Things like "maybe youll enjoy it when [gay friend] has sex with you with his 11 inch ****" and I'm sorry that I can't please you , the stock guy really missed you maybe he can please you and just really really inappropriate stuff like that. Like it was completely uncalled for obviously.
> I have never said anything like that to him. I may not like sex but I don't tell him that, he says it, and for the last month he has turned me down every time I put the offer on the table. I have also never told him that his penis is small, he thinks it is small. That's not my fault. That certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep with a gay man.



I dunno. It is possible, as others have posted, his change in attitude to you expressed in your original post often (but not always) can be due to an affair he is having.

However, with this texting business, I get the feeling that I've walked into a argument that has already been going on for a while. This sounds like this is not the first time this has been brought up, or at least some of these issues. 

- Was the issue of you not liking sex (which you post above) ever brought up/discussed before? In what context?

- Although you say you never said his penis was small, and that he thinks it is, usually something sets this kind of thing off. Was this ever brought up before? In what context? What put this into his head (if it is not true)? Is it actually true, even if you never said it to him? Could it be that your actions contradict your words? (For example, you even if you never told him it was small, did you make some positive comment about bigger guys (even if you never had other men), or comment on a penis size acticle in the media that he might take offense at? Or do you not show a strong attraction to his manhood or show any behavior that you desire it?)

- Were these offers "on the table" as you put it, brough up in a "duty sex" kind of way, or did you say it in a sort of " you really desired him and needed him right now" kind of way?

I say this because those texts just sound like he's been hurt (in a sexual way) and is holding a grudge. i guess he may be trying to misdirect from his own affair, if he is having one, but those texts just didn't strike me that way. If he was upset about this topic, that's another potential reason he may be rejecting you regarding sex.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

turnera said:


> Did you check his phone records yet? Everything you're describing is exactly what a man does when he starts cheating.


The OP's first post in this thread sounds that way. However, her update with the texts strike me more like he is holding a grudge about something.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Entirely possible. But we usually tell people to FIRST check to make sure there's not an affair, to rule it out, because marriage advice is pointless if an affair is going on.


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