# He wants a divorce, I don't.



## cdevore (Jul 18, 2013)

Hi everyone, I'm new here. My name is Cheyenne.

This is really hard for me to post but I am so lost on how I'm feeling I just don't know how to go about it anymore. My husband told me out of the blue a little over two weeks ago that he wants a divorce but he wouldn't tell me why... It didn't take me long to finally get it out of him and he admitted that he wants to be with someone else, but swears he had not been seeing her before this came about.

I've talked to the "woman" in question and she swears up and down it's nothing but friendship between them and she wants us to work out our marriage and she has repeatedly told him that she says when she tells him she loves him, it's on a friend level only (they have known each other since they were kids). 
My husband and I have argued so much in the past two weeks because I want to save our marriage, I want to get back to where we used to be and he will sit there and tell me we can work on it, but then quickly changes his mind again and again and it's so painful for him to do this.

The other night (Tuesday night) he sat down with me and told me that we could work it out, he even told me things I needed to work on and I completely agreed, he even took the night off work to stay home but then yesterday morning he changed again, he started saying he didn't think we could work it out and just completely shut down again, I instantly went back to the whole other woman subject because it seems that is what keeps effecting him, and he again swore that wasn't the case, he thought there was love there between us still and he claims there just isn't. (Through this whole process in the past two weeks I have done nothing but cry and barely eat) and I finally spilled every bit of emotion I have left in me out... I told him that my life completely changed when he and I got together (it did), every thing I've accomplished in the last year and a half I've done because of him and I wouldn't be an EMT if it wasn't for being with him, (maybe down the road I would have been, but getting with him brought me into everything I am now), everything I've done has been to improve our marriage, make things easier for both of us and he told me last night after I poured my heart out that he'd stop being a jack-*** and really honestly give our marriage a fighting chance and again we talked about what needed to change on both parts and he even said he didn't want to just throw away 4 1/2 years together but things needed to change.

I want so badly to believe him, but he's still texting this other woman but he's deleting all the messages between them. I can look on my account and see he's texting her but it doesn't show messages. I want my marriage to work out but if he has nothing to hide why is he deleting messages.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Sorry to hear your situation. 

Read this....http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

The Healing Heart: The 180

Have you exposed this to anyone? Family? Friends? 

Who is she? Does he work with her? Does she have family?

I think you should put post your in the infidelity section on the forum. There you can get help from those who have been in your shoes. 


Good luck.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Have you and your husband scheduled an appointment with a therapist? Do you have children? I hope he wakes up before he is too late.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

I don't believe what the other woman told you has much truth to it. Your husband and her are likely deep into an affair. Is the other woman married? Get more proof - get a VAR - get a keylogger etc. You will find out you are not getting the whole truth.

The only chance to save your marriage is to stop the affair. Get the proof asap and expose, expose, expose. Your husband is in a deep deep fog right now. 

In my opinion the plan right now that they discussed with each is for them to be together...but the two parties do not want to do it right away because its obvious that that they are too embarrassed to jump right in together.


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## cdevore (Jul 18, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Sorry to hear your situation.
> 
> Read this....http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739
> 
> ...


I moved my post to the infidelity section. His family & mine know that he wants to be separated. But they also know that I want to fix the marriage. She is a friend he knew as kids, she moved away when she was a kid. She has a family, she has a daughter and she actually is married herself but they are separated.



> Have you and your husband scheduled an appointment with a therapist? Do you have children?


 A therapist has not even been discussed and for children, we have one daughter together but he has also been the only father my 2nd son knows (he's been in his life since he was 2).


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How old were you when you married?

Do you get along well with his family?


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