# How to get rid of memories



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Ok I am going through a divorce. Husband cheated and filed for divorce. Still not admitting affair. We have been married for 5 years together for 9 years and we have an 18 mts old son. He is dead set on divorce and his affair is still going on.

If you have been through infidelity you know how hurt, angry and betrayed I feel now. I am starting to pack my stuff slowly(I am moving back to Canada with son from the US) and I can't do anything without breaking down to cry. I can't even look at photos of our trips together let alone of our wedding photos. I have left them in his room to pick what he wants from them and I will take the rest and probably put them in a box that I won't open for a very long time. 

I have had some wonderful memories with this guy up until he turned coo coo with his affair. What bothers me is that he is now trying to come up with excuses to justify his affair and that even hurts more. How do I move on when even the beautiful memories hurt so much? How do I go past restaurants, places we have been together without getting emotional? We have a child so I cannot completely sever my contact with him.

Some days I just wish I had amnesia and forgot all this. I know in time things get better(at least that's what people say on this forum) but it is so hard now. I am trying to put my mind on different things but it is very very hard to do it. I loved this man more than life itself and got betrayed in the worst way. I was ready to go to the end of the world with him and for him and this is what I got as thank you.

I am even thinking of returning all the jewlery he has given me over the years. Some of it is expensive some not but that does not really matter. Oh yeah and the wedding/engagement rings what did you do with those.

Sorry for so many questions at once. I am just having one of those horrible evenings I guess.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Can anyone share their experience? I know it is hard to believe but good memories can also hurt a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

First, here's a great big HUG. I know how bad you feel now--and there are plenty of us on this site who can related to what you are going through. The answer to all of this is TIME. The sooner you can move on with your life, the better. Unfortunately I've been stuck in my situation for four years. It feels as though salt gets rubbed in an open wound almost daily. The move will probably do you good. Are you and your son going "home" to family? That's an excellent place to begin.

As far as the memories go, you really don't want to lose those. That's the one thing those sorry, lying, cheating spouses can't take from us--our happy memories. If those items bother you just store them out of sight. The day will come when you can look at them without crying.

As far as the wedding band/engagement ring....my estranged husband took my wedding band. He said he put it up for safe keeping. I can't even guess what that means! The engagement ring ended up in my jewelry box though.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

As much as I have loved and still love(I think) my husband it is just heartbreaking to even look at pictures or any jewlery he has given me. I already put the wedding/engagement ring in a safety deposit box in Canada. He has not asked me to give him anything back.

How do you think he would interpret if I did that?

As for wedding photos, I told him I don't have the heart right now to even look through them. I told him in a letter that he can go through them and pick what he wants. We also have many of them in digital format so it is no big deal.

Just right now everything hurts, absolutely everything and I don't even know if he can see that or not. I try to appear strong but sometimes I can't. I guess the pain is even greater since I really don't know the real reasons why he is divorcing me other than there is another woman which whom he denies having an affair(while evidence is screaming all over the place). I just feel so lonely and so empty if you know what I mean. I am going back to Canada and I will be surrounded by family and friends. He is staying here in the US. But sometimes you can be surrounded by millions of people and still feel lonely and emtpy. God up until last summer we were planning of having a second child and look what I am dealing with now.


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

827Aug said:


> As far as the wedding band/engagement ring....my estranged husband took my wedding band. He said he put it up for safe keeping. I can't even guess what that means! The engagement ring ended up in my jewelry box though.


When I left my husband, but only because HE wanted a separation, I packed in 1 hour only the stuff I really use. The rest of my belonging are still at our place. He said he put my clothes in a box for "safe keeping." I was shocked, and I also wondered, what does that mean?


----------



## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Not ready - sorry you are going thru this. You have my deepest sympathy. I was in the same situation last October. I am still going thru the divorce because my stb-xw is dragging things out. Much of the same things happened in my situation - she cheated, denied it, and filed for divorce. However, she wants to take everything - jewelry, kids, house, material possessions. At least your spouse is not being vindictive right now. Ine even moved in with the OM and our children are forced to live with them every other week.

I know how you feel about memories. I drive by the place where we held our wedding reception every morning because it's the exit off the freeway I take to work. The other day I was having dinner with a friend and we drove by by stb-xw's college where I used to meet her. It's been 9 months and it still hurts. But I hope it will pass in time.

My kids keep me grounded. I thank God I was able to fight for them and that they are able to spend every other week with me. Without them I'd be lost right now.

Hang in there and think good thoughts. Your family and friends care for you a great deal.


----------



## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

My advice as far as possesions (same advice I was given) is to keep anything that you are unsure about. You have the rest of your life to part with any/all of them, but once they are discarded they are gone for good. Stranger things than an unforeseen reconciliation have happened. Even if you end up simply on good terms in the co-parenting of your child, you may want to keep several things for your son when he is grown. Just pack them away for now....


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

In many states, the jewelry is a gift so it's yours--If you know you don't want to wear it again, sell it. Save the money for a nice trip for yourself when you finally feel free of the burdens of heart ache.

Trying to avoid or shorten the pain will only prolong your suffering. That does not mean wallow in it. It means, set aside time for feeling bad each day (maybe 15, 20 minutes) and then work on distracting yourself the rest of the time. It's like meditation--you let the painful stuff come and go through most of the day--don't waste energy on the fact that the thoughts are coming, just acknowledge each thought and move on, "Oh, yep, I'm thinking about the time when . . . and it feels bad. Wonder what I could clearn/read/do now to distract myself?" When you get in the habit of controlling your thoughts better, the painful ones will be less threatening; you'll know you can let each thought go. Start making a list of "Things I can do to distract myself" in case you need it. Keep it handy. scratch out ones that don't seem to work well after a few tries. Use the ones that do. You can even analyze your pain (What does my body feel like when I'm sad?) and counter with techniques to create a new physical sensation. If your throat tightens, get a glass of cold water to sip and focus on the relief of each swallow. Those kinds of things. 

Take care.


----------

