# Men's brains vs. women's and the need for closure



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

DISCLAIMER: not all men are like this but many are because they view relationships differently than women.

Something to think about during the process of divorce and at the end of the breakup or divorce to keep you from contacting him and staying strong:

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what he thinks about his past behavior or mistakes.
You're no longer together.
Men aren't like women.
They don't need closure.
He's not thinking about you. Only himself.
So don't waste your thoughts on him.
I know it's easier said than done but its reality.
Concentrate on loving yourself.

It is tough to keep moving forward and give yourself time to heal and grieve and whenever sadness hits me I try to remember WHY the divorce is happening and to approach it more like a business deal and getting what I need financially to move on and try to take the emotions out of it.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

don'tmesswithtexas said:


> DISCLAIMER: not all men are like this but many are because they view relationships differently than women.
> 
> Something to think about during the process of divorce and at the end of the breakup or divorce to keep you from contacting him and staying strong:
> 
> ...


Not against women.... But women do this too. Will drop something like a hot potatoe, thinking about what they want and focused on it, forgot all about you.

Many times they may have been chasing fools gold! Men and women. They don't know! It looks good to their eyes and registers dopamine hits!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I agree treyvion...if a woman is in an affair and leaves a marriage, she will likely not need or want any closure with her husband and she might never think of him at all.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I agree treyvion...if a woman is in an affair and leaves a marriage, she will likely not need or want any closure with her husband and she might never think of him at all.


People leave for party land with their single friends, who once they are divorced usually they are not as "fun"....

People leave for someone who they think is "hotter", but much much less committed to them than their true spouse was!

People leave because of affair sex, don't know that most of it is an illusion in the mind!

People leave good situations for all kinds of stupid reasons


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I can definitely see this being true for both sexes.I found the only times I needed this closure thing was when I was the one being left.When I did the leaving,closure wasn't necessary.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

*Re: Re: Men's brains vs. women's and the need for closure*



ScarletBegonias said:


> I can definitely see this being true for both sexes.I found the only times I needed this closure thing was when I was the one being left.When I did the leaving,closure wasn't necessary.


I think that when a person does the leaving, they've already done the emotional closure. It may or may not have been obvious to the person getting left, but it happened. Many times, the person being left is caught unawares, or at least blown away that things had gotten THAT bad- thus, the need for closure on their part.

I can't agree with the original person though, I think both men and women can need closure, and that need will vary by circumstances and the individuals personality.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Not all people who do the leaving have made peace with the choice or even want to be making it; sometimes, it's the only option. Anyone can need closure; it's not a gender thing, but...an individual thing. IMO, the need for closure and self acceptance are linked. The more objective one can be about the realities of a relationship, the less intense the need for some kind of closure or feeling of resolution, too, IMO.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I think for real closure, one has to find it within themselves, because no matter what the other person says, there are most likely going to be unanswered questions.
To me, it's similar to finding one's own happiness, no one else can do it for you. 
For closure to actually work, one should realize that there is the possibility that you need to see the end of the relationship similar to a death, that there is no going back & acceptance is what can finally give you peace.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

moxy said:


> Not all people who do the leaving have made peace with the choice or even want to be making it; *sometimes, it's the only option.* Anyone can need closure; it's not a gender thing, but...an individual thing. IMO, the need for closure and self acceptance are linked. The more objective one can be about the realities of a relationship, the less intense the need for some kind of closure or feeling of resolution, too, IMO.


:iagree:

Very true. I felt I had no choice at the time since my Ex refused to leave. I needed to get away. To think. To see how he would respond to an actual, serious, real event by which I left him. (He was cheating on me). Anyway, his response was to change the locks on the marital home so I would no longer have access to the home (unless I broke a window, got a locksmith etc.)

That one act of his, changing the locks, taught me that there was no going back in his eyes, no reconciliation efforts where to be made by him and I took that as my first act of "closure". While I fought (and won) the right to a key to the marital home (joint property) I made no effort to use that access.

And now that the divorce is over, he wants to be friends. He cheated on me and made no apology. He locked me out of my home, and made no apology. Let this be his "hell". I cannot be his friend. Closure complete. I am moving on.


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