# Could depression come later?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My wife has filed for divorce and we have been seperated for about 6 weeks. I was happy in the marriage and we didn't argue very much. The first 2 or 3 weeks of the seperation was really tough on me emotionally, but now I seem to feel more normal. I'm not "having a ball" so to speak, but I feel a lot more normal. For those of you who have experienced this, does this seem normal. I sometimes think I'm doing too well for someone who is on the brink of divorce from the one he loves. Is it possible that it will hit me like a ton of bricks weeks or months down the road and I'll get really depressed?


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## Hopeful_wife (Nov 6, 2009)

I've found that you'll have ups and downs. It's been a year for me since ex-h moved out. It's been kind of difficult because he kept me on the hanger, but even with that I've found that it does get easier. I'll have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day because I saw him and his gf together for the first time in almost a year and the first time I've ever seen them "together" as a couple. Also, I got our divorce papers back yesterday, so that was another difficult thing to deal with, even though it's what I wanted. Different things will cause different emotions, but over time it does get easier.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

For some reason, yesterday)Saturday) wasn't good emotionally, and it looks like today isn't going to be either. I'd been doing good for a while. We are not fighting and that is a good thing, but that may make the hurt worse. When I have a civil conversation with her, it almost seems like things should be like the old days instead of us getting a divorce.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yup. . .this is perfectly normal and it doesn't make it any better to hear that.

Your feeling of deja vu and "surrealness" is something I went through a couple of times.

I'll share mine (and try to be quick). I remember I was taking my stb-x at the time to the hospital because she hurt her back really bad and was crying. She introduced me as her husband there to the nurses and that was emotional enough for me and then we were driving home and having a pleasant conversation.

I had this surreal moment like, "Oh yeah, right beside me, was my wife from years ago. It could have been a year ago and we could have been having that pleasant conversation."

It was so surreal and it was like she was a ghost coming back to visit me, that I broke down and cried in the car. She didn't say anything other than, "Do you need me to drive?" and we were silent the rest of the way.

The grief is very, very real.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

It's often referred to as 'the rollercoaster'. You will continue to experience emotional peaks and valleys.

It can be very confusing, at times painful and at others, seem hopeful. Your interactions may seem easy and positive, this is likely the result of there being far less pressure and tension - but do not mistake it for 'things are better between us.'

Stay active. Enlist a support system, be it friends or family. 

Keep your contact and interactions to a minimum. The more you interact, the bigger those peaks and valleys will be. If there is another man in the picture and she continues to contact you - I strongly suggest that you draw a hard boundary regarding contact.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Deejo said:


> It's often referred to as 'the rollercoaster'. You will continue to experience emotional peaks and valleys.
> 
> It can be very confusing, at times painful and at others, seem hopeful. Your interactions may seem easy and positive, this is likely the result of there being far less pressure and tension - but do not mistake it for 'things are better between us.'
> 
> ...


I agree. The problem with no contact between us is that we have children and visitation; we also live in a small town. As our parent class teacher said, "when you have kids, you can never completely divorce."


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

southbound said:


> I agree. The problem with no contact between us is that we have children and visitation; we also live in a small town. As our parent class teacher said, "when you have kids, you can never completely divorce."


No, you can't. But you can put boundaries in place to assure that that the relationship that you do have, remains clear and consistent, for your benefit, and the benefit of the kids.


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

It will take some time before you can say that you got over it. As everyone says at the beginning it's full with ups and downs but than you will feel ok. Depends on you and lots of circumstances how long it will take. I think each case is story for itself so other peoples experiences can't help you in sense to heal you faster but can help to give you ideas how to go through divorce.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I am doing well. I just thought I would give an update. After 18 years of marriage, I have been separated for 4 months and divorced for 1 month. I felt awful in the beginning, but I have felt ok for some time now. I don't think I'll ever understand my wife's reasoning, but I have not had a "down in the dumps" day for quite a while now. I have went out with "the guys" a few times, and have several people who support me. I think I'll actually make it fine. I'm not up for a new relationship and don't know if I ever want to do that again, but I am feeling really good. I appreciate all the comments and advice from everyone here.


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