# Grief, Loss, Anger, Unable to Accept?



## mylifeunravelled (May 24, 2018)

I didn’t know where else to post this. I’m not having a good day today and I’m needing someone to talk to. 
I don’t have close friends here and my family is sick of hearing about it.

I’ve been involved in a relationship for the past couple of years and this last year, has almost done me in. It has been up and down, off and on, and I am not sure why, but I am really struggling with just letting go. Everyone seems to think it should just be easy - guy is a ****, walk away. So why is it so difficult for me?

The writing is on the walls - he can be kind, caring, thoughtful...but he makes me feel like I’m unreasonable for wanting a relationship with someone that wants to be with me as much as I do them, to be with someone that wants to hear my voice, hold my hand every day. He blames me for shutting down, ignoring his messages when he asks me who **** in my cereal and then makes a statement in curse words following that. It’s on me that I choose not to engage in that. 
We lived together for a while, and last summer he packed his kids up and took them to the lake to get away from me. He was going through a financial crisis (that has not improved) and couldn’t deal with anymore “pressure”, so he left. I moved out. We’ve tried to rebuild a relationship since then, he knew how anxious I was about summer coming, given what happened last year. So what does he do? Packs his kids up and takes off for the lake, again. He says he’s not abandoning me or deserting me...but those are just words. They are empty. 
I haven’t spoken to him since July 1st. Nothing. He emailed and told me this was my choice. I did not respond because it doesn’t matter what I say, it’s still all on me. My words fall on deaf ears.

To add fuel to the fire, my ex husband is an awful person. He involves our kids in his financial, dating, and divorce business, badmouths me to them, and refuses to pay child support. I just got a message yesterday from maintenance enforcement telling me that they’ve received word of a new order coming through the office, one that I know nothing about. He’s filed for an emergency stay of enforcement. He’s in arrears $15K and hasn’t paid a cent in almost a year. 
He also won’t refinance or sell the marital home to have my name removed from the mortgage. 
And my lawyer hasn’t done anything about any of this! It’s been 3.5 years and I feel like I’m being hung out to dry. I can’t afford the lawyer I have, never mind hiring a new one. 

I am so sad and mad and frustrated. I feel so hurt in my current relationship and so fed up with the last one.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am sorry to say this, but wherever you are now is the sum total of all of the decisions you have made up to this point. So in regards to your current relationship - stop looking for something that isn't there and then be disappointed when you don't find it. If you really want a relationship then stop wasting time on this one and start looking for someone who wants the same thing. Because it doesn't sound like this guy does.
In regards to your ex. Lawyer up and get things settled. So that you can really move on without worrying about it.
In the meantime it sounds like you need to spend sometime getting to know the real you, so that you can determine exactly who you are and what you want. Because honestly, you sound like you are more in love with the idea of love than you are about being in love. Which is why you keep trying to plug someone into your life even when they don't fit.


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