# What is fair in maritial settlement?



## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

Although I realize that no two maritial settlement & parenting plans will be the same-I wanted to hear what some of you have worked out with your X's. 
At the moment, not divorced yet but do have a court ordered child support document that my husband has been paying to me since 2008. 
We are waiting to hear if we can go through the court mediation process vs. private mediator. My previous lawyer & I had written up a proposed parenting plan that both ( my husband & I) had read & seemed to be very close in agreement on most items. 
It is written in that parenting plan ( however it was never signed, so not enforceable) that my husband would pay the montly child support amount, that he was to carry health insurance for the kids, we'd split bday party expenses, that he would be responsible for 50% of other medical expenses ( co pays, medication, etc.) 
Let me add that I have the kids 6 days/week due to his overnight work schedule and he never has them for full weekend days/nights. 
He is now saying that because he pays me child support that I need to budget from the $ he gives me to pay for these various medical expenses. 1 child needs some major dental work approx. 500- 1k, 2nd child may need braces. He does pay for their insurance weekly from his check. 
*Is it fair to ask him for additional $ to cover *the office copays, medication? I am 99% of the time taking them to the Dr. when they are sick, making well kids dr. & dental appts., and adjusting my work schedule if the kids can't go to school. 

I just wanted to hear if this seems reasonable? Any comments and/or suggestions are welcome. 
When we do finalize a mediation date, we are hoping to work it out ourselves and then have our lawyers approve before we sign off on it for good. 
Thanks in advance!!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi believer, how are you?

Your question is hard to answer, a lot depends on what he is already paying and the financial abilities of each of you. I don't think there's a simple recipe that works for all divorces but there are basic guidelines that the courts will follow. The kids need to come first plain and simple. Those expenses may just need to be decided by the judge. Maybe a health savings account could be set up with each of you contributing a set amount each month, then when something happens hopefully the money will be there to cover it. Unfortunately as the custodial parent (like me) there is no compensation for shuttling the kids around or having to miss work. Maybe talk with dad and see if he can handle some of those things. 

As for a birthday party, if it's at your house for your family and friends than you shouldn't expect dad to pay toward that. If it's a joint family party than sure, he should pay his half. 

Hope you are doing well,
Cooper


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