# Going Through The Stages of Betrayal



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

*"Hypervigilance *– after the emotional devastation of D-Day, the BS often becomes hypervigilant because of the extreme emotional trauma as the result of all trust being broken by the WS. The BS will be watching the WS intensely, looking for any and all threats." Done obsessing, now I am pathetically watchful of his every move. Got the transparency I asked for, and now I hold my breath. Nice to know there are others out there feeling the same way. Comforting.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

You go girl, "vigilate" his sorry hide till it hurts him


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear that you have to be hyper-vigilant. Hang in there.

However, your username is great. I agree with the sentiment!


----------



## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

I just hope that transparency is not the only thing keeping him faithful...


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

Encore DT said:


> I just hope that transparency is not the only thing keeping him faithful...


We are seeing a marriage counselor. Our 2nd session tonight. He has been sneaky his whole life. He has traded his mother for me. I don't know if he can break the cycle. We shall see.

In two weeks one of his coworkers is throwing a wedding party for herself. We were invited. He never told me anything about it. The woman he had an EA with will be there. Now in two weeks, if he has to mysteriously "work late" or "get together with the gang for drinks after work" I will say, "sure". Then I will show up. Surprise! And then I am done. I will say to him, "I'll see you in court." 

Maybe he did not tell me, and has no intentions of showing up? What do you think?


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

moxy said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you have to be hyper-vigilant. Hang in there.
> 
> However, your username is great. I agree with the sentiment!


Wow! I LOVE both of the quotes at the bottom of your profile.:smthumbup:


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

Today is our second marriage counselor visit. He is supposed to reveal baggage from his past that makes him chase women to this day. What could it be? The marriage counselor told him he is fortunate to have such a loving, supportive partner. I have been nothing but a mother to him for the past four years, while he lavished his affections and attentions on many different women. He had an EA that was careening towards a PA until I found out about it in December. That is just the one I knew about. I don't know if our marriage is fixable, but I am going to give it the old "team try" and see. If it is not, I am done. I am tired of a life with no intimacy and a partner sneaking around all the time. Can't wait to see what he will reveal to the Marriage Counselor tonight.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I sympathize with you because in some ways, I had similar experiences with my stbxh. While we dated, he treated me really well, but after we married, he was rebelling against my presence like I was a mom who was unconditionally there to take care of him like a kid while spending lots of time chatting up other women and complaining about all my faults. I hope marriage counseling works for you both; my stbxh and I didn't even get the chance to try because things crashed and burned before we had the opportunity to sort things out and he has turned into a tantrum-throwing angry man since our separation. From my perspective, vigilance is important. If your H has always been sneaky, you have to be sure he isn't lying to you now. If you find that you cannot trust him, even though you've both tried, then I think it would be a good thing to part ways and be with someone who doesn't need a minder!

For your sake, I hope he's just concealed the party info because he is working on the marriage, but, I'd suggest getting a VAR or something to check up on him and definitely keeping an eye out for his behavior closer to the party date. There's no gain in trusting someone who is untrustworthy and I hope he doesn't prove himself to be untrustworthy to you.


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

moxy said:


> I sympathize with you because in some ways, I had similar experiences with my stbxh. While we dated, he treated me really well, but after we married, he was rebelling against my presence like I was a mom who was unconditionally there to take care of him like a kid while spending lots of time chatting up other women and complaining about all my faults. I hope marriage counseling works for you both; my stbxh and I didn't even get the chance to try because things crashed and burned before we had the opportunity to sort things out and he has turned into a tantrum-throwing angry man since our separation. From my perspective, vigilance is important. If your H has always been sneaky, you have to be sure he isn't lying to you now. If you find that you cannot trust him, even though you've both tried, then I think it would be a good thing to part ways and be with someone who doesn't need a minder!
> 
> For your sake, I hope he's just concealed the party info because he is working on the marriage, but, I'd suggest getting a VAR or something to check up on him and definitely keeping an eye out for his behavior closer to the party date. There's no gain in trusting someone who is untrustworthy and I hope he doesn't prove himself to be untrustworthy to you.


Help me out, here. What is a stbxh? What is a VAR?


----------



## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

soon to be ex husband, Voice activated Recorder


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> soon to be ex husband, Voice activated Recorder


Time will tell, anonymouskitty. I watch and wait at this point.


----------



## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Thats The way ladies


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Help me out, here. What is a stbxh? What is a VAR?


The common acronyms used are in the newbie link in my signature and others, and is occasionally bumped.

A = Affair
AP = Affair Partner
BH = Betrayed Husband
BNO = Boys Night Out
BW = Betrayed Wife
BS = Betrayed Spouse
DDay = Discovery Day
DW = Disloyal Wife
DH = Disloyal Husband
DS = Disloyal Spouse
D = Divorce
EA = Emotional Affair
fWW = Former Wayward Wife
fWH = Former Wayward Husband
fWS = Former Wayward Spouse
GNO = Girls Night Out
IC = Individual Counselling
ILYBINILWY = I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You
KISA = Knight In Shining Armor
LS = Loyal Spouse
MC = Marriage Counselling
OM = Other Man
OW = Other Woman
OMW = Other Man’s Wife
OWH = Other Woman’s Husband
PA = Physical Affair
R = Reconciliation
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
STBXH = Soon To Be Ex Husband
STBXW = Soon To Be Ex Wife
TF = Toxic Friend(s)
TT = Trickle Truth
VAR = Voice Activated Recorder
WW = Wayward Wife
WH = Wayward Husband
WS = Wayward Spouse


----------



## Cyber Cheating Stinks (Jun 21, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> The common acronyms used are in the newbie link in my signature and others, and is occasionally bumped.
> 
> A = Affair
> AP = Affair Partner
> ...


Your such a good friend to have! Thank you so much. This forum is changing/improving my life. So good to not feel ashamed of what happened to me. To share. To see others have the same thoughts and feeling as me. To heal. To see others have healed and have hope. Thank you, Lord Mayhem.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Cyber Cheating Stinks said:


> Help me out, here. What is a stbxh? What is a VAR?



click the newbie link in my signature and youll find a list of board abbreviations


----------

