# Post divorce SENIOR dating rant



## nospam99 (Apr 26, 2018)

Just spouting off. Move along. Nothing to see here unless you're 'in the same boat'.

Circumstances: 68, soon to be 69, y/o healthy, physically active male. Would strongly prefer a compatible SO in this life. Divorced for 5+ years and have been dating for almost that whole time with no long-term success.

I 'wish' for a relationship with a physically active and physically attractive (to me) woman who is also interested in a relationship with 'a man like me'. At this point it's not just 'no success'. My 'second dating life' is now 5 years old. And what I'm noticing is that as each year goes by, the population of 'candidates' dwindles more. As THEY age, however many women who would be interested in and able to live an active life AND with a man like me is getting smaller all the time. I'm not 'without hope' or giving up yet. But a whole lot closer to concluding that there won't be that kind of 'happy ending' in this life.

And, FWIW, I do have several good groups of male and female friends through meetup and other social activities. It's just that none of the single gals have SO potential at the moment. Ironically (or not), I get along well with married women and I wouldn't consider cheating with them even if they'd be interested. I assume they pick up on that and are comfortable with me because they can classify me as neither a 'threat' nor an affair partner.

Rant done.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Would you define 'a man like you'? 🤔😬


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## nospam99 (Apr 26, 2018)

Off the aging topic AND specific to my situation, but a fair question.

By 'a man like me' I'm mostly focusing on my age and activity level as mentioned in the OP. Other factors that I have noticed 'seem' to affect my dating success or lack thereof include my 5'8" height and that I live in a 'suburban' enough area that the number of potential women to date is lower than places with more people. Interests seem to matter a lot, too. Many women near my age want to travel overseas or to Florida or Hawaii while I don't want to get on an airplane ever again. My physical activities are primarily hiking, ballroom dancing, and downhill skiing and large numbers of age compatible women in my area are not particularly interested, somewhat surprising for the dancing.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


nospam99 said:



My physical activities are primarily hiking, ballroom dancing, and downhill skiing and large numbers of age compatible women in my area are not particularly interested, somewhat surprising for the dancing.

Click to expand...

*LOL...ok, I'm going to be honest. I don't know ONE woman (or man either, for that matter) over 65 who wants to go skiing or ballroom dancing. Not one. I'm just being honest. 

Hiking sucks too but that's just _me_ talking.

You sound like the perfect kind of guy they hire for those cruise ships that cater to the older crowd - they pay men to dance with the ladies who are there without a gentleman to dance with. You should look into that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why do you have to have a lady who wants to do all the things you do? Many couples have their own interests and hobbies but still have a good relationship.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I'm in a similar age bracket, and single. But you didn't exactly ask a question. 

It sounds as if maybe both you and they have settled into fairly fixed views about what recreational activities they want.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

nospam99 said:


> Off the aging topic AND specific to my situation, but a fair question.
> 
> By 'a man like me' I'm mostly focusing on my age and activity level as mentioned in the OP. Other factors that I have noticed 'seem' to affect my dating success or lack thereof include my 5'8" height and that I live in a 'suburban' enough area that the number of potential women to date is lower than places with more people. Interests seem to matter a lot, too. Many women near my age want to travel overseas or to Florida or Hawaii while I don't want to get on an airplane ever again. My physical activities are primarily hiking, ballroom dancing, and downhill skiing and large numbers of age compatible women in my area are not particularly interested, somewhat surprising for the dancing.


Where women at your age range usually go, i wonder 

Im 33 and you will NEVER EVER find my hiking or skiing, not gonna happen. I doubt your target women gp there 🤣 I go to cooking classes sometimes, church, supermarket, gym...

Usually in bake and cake lessons there are plenty of older women. At supermarket, always. At church, definitely.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you have to have a lady who wants to do all the things you do? Many couples have their own interests and hobbies but still have a good relationship.


Right?! My husband loves fish and aquarium and i cant stand it and let he do his thing. I study specific areas for fun and personal development and he let me do my thing.

Idk if we are an example, though.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

nospam99 said:


> I get along well with married women


Hmm. I wonder why those married women aren't setting you up with their single friends.

Because women outnumber men in our age group.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It's hard to find people in that age group that are even able to do hiking or dancing but it's not unheard of and I do know people who enjoyed hiking and dancing until they couldn't do it anymore. I do know one woman who is 70 who still goes on long walks even though she has crippled up feet from psoriatic arthritis and doesn't feel very good most of the time and is exhausted from still working full time. She already has a boyfriend.

I have a friend who is about 60 or 61 who is still able to do things. She's not into ballroom dancing. But she still goes to punk rock gigs. She goes to the beach pretty regularly and can walk and everything. But she's not looking for a man at the moment because she is recently divorced. 

Since you already are doing some meetups around your activities, I guess all you can do is see if anyone new joins. I don't think it's an impossible quest or anything. It's just that a lot of people get to where they can't comfortably do too many physical activities.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Maybe you need to expand your age range a bit? How about someone in their upper 50s?


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Laurentium said:


> Hmm. I wonder why those married women aren't setting you up with their single friends.
> 
> Because women outnumber men in our age group.


Right?! Me too!


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## nospam99 (Apr 26, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> Hmm. I wonder why those married women aren't setting you up with their single friends.


Not sure in ALL cases. But four of the really sweet married women were at my recent 50th high school reunion. Their single friends, assuming they have them, would be hundreds of miles away and thus out of my dating range.

Local married women are in my meetup groups. I pretty much know their single friends and 'tread carefully' to avoid disrupting the 'small group dynamic' (management jargon). I know that the women in the groups look down on the men who try to use the groups as 'singles mixers'.


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## nospam99 (Apr 26, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> Maybe you need to expand your age range a bit? How about someone in their upper 50s?


I use OLD to 'search'. At age 68, I don't get any bites from women in their 50s. 'Nurses and purses' though the 'younger' women don't know me to know that I have no interest in either.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Men make testosterone until death, ladies have a smidgen.
They have a natural advantage here.

Yes, men and women do get weak/weaker in old age, it is inevitable.
And, of course, some get weaker than others.
For a whole host of reasons.

Women's chemistry is quite a bit different than a man's, on average.

You need to find a Martian woman (having Mars strong in her), i.e., Sun in Aries, or Moon in Aries, maybe a Leo, and Scorpio combo..

They exist, these were the pioneer women of yore.

But, expect her to be dominant, and to rule the roost.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Man, try hydrogymnastics!!! Older women do it a lot(at least around here).

Here inBrazil theres religious tourism and its mostly older women traveling together. GREAT TRIPS!!! I used to go with my mom. Always AMAZING PEOPLE there!!!! Traveling for some days together toward religious places.

I even still have some of them in whatsapp groups.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

nospam99 said:


> Not sure in ALL cases. But four of the really sweet married women were at my recent 50th high school reunion. Their single friends, assuming they have them, would be hundreds of miles away and thus out of my dating range.
> 
> Local married women are in my meetup groups. I pretty much know their single friends and 'tread carefully' to avoid disrupting the 'small group dynamic' (management jargon). I know that the women in the groups look down on the men who try to use the groups as 'singles mixers'.


Maybe it would be worthwhile for you to ''search'' outside of your immediate area. Maybe expanding your territory would cast a wider net, and at least you'd be able to see if there are women out there that match with you.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

nospam99 said:


> I use OLD to 'search'. At age 68, I don't get any bites from women in their 50s. 'Nurses and purses' though the 'younger' women don't know me to know that I have no interest in either.


Gonna be watching this thread. At 77 I don't ever want to be without my wife, but it will be interesting to see what bullets I'm dodging. 😦


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

nospam99 said:


> Just spouting off. Move along. Nothing to see here unless you're 'in the same boat'.
> 
> Circumstances: 68, soon to be 69, y/o healthy, physically active male. Would strongly prefer a compatible SO in this life. Divorced for 5+ years and have been dating for almost that whole time with no long-term success.
> 
> ...


I'll just say it this way: I'm 60yo (more than halfway to 61yo), and even at my age the people who my age are either going to doctors' offices for their "recreational activity" or are so unhealthy they don't really want to move! I find it shocking when I see someone who's five years younger than me who looks like a "dead man walking" whilst I'm still chugging along. And I'm no fitness nut, but man! I still like to sled, snowshoe, hike, ride the ATV and motorcycle, walk 5ks... you know "get out there"! @nospam99 I sympathize with you, in that my Beloved Buddhist and I don't really see other couples our age doing anything other than "going out to dinner." 

I wonder if it's a mindset? 

We eat at home 99% of the time--healthy food--because @Emerging Buddhist is pretty much a gourmet chef. We don't "take pills" (although I take some vitamins and supplements). Beloved Buddhist walks every day at least 30-40 minutes, and yep, he's better than me 😇, but I do a couple walks a week and yoga a couple times a week to mix it up. Yes in our 60's we have some aches and pains unlike our 30's, but we just power though, you know? Do it anyway! And since our mindset is to just do it, I wonder if that's something kind of rare! Both of our much younger siblings are like catching every cold, going to some doctor every week, having surgeries...

Shrug. I don't get it. But I do sympathize because I see it too.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

NoSpam 

Have you tried forming a seniors hiking club? or a senior singles dance club? If you run it, you may have more success finding like-minded people? With respect to the dancing, are you good enough to teach? Can you get somebody to hire you as the local dance instructor & then you hold the classes. You might not meet Ginger Rodgers or the mother of the last winner from _Dancing With the Stars_ but if she doesn't step on your toes & is enthusiastic, that could be fun, right? 

I think there may be an artful way to not upset the small group dynamic but still accomplish your goal. Make it know that while you are not hitting on that woman in particular, you are open to being introduced to the "right" woman who fits your criteria. 

I know you & I differ politically so take this FWIW. Be open to somebody who disagrees with you but who is not triggered by your beliefs & vice versa. Somes a debate -- as opposed to rank partisanship with a salt the earth mentality -- can be invigorating. 

As much as you don't ever want to board an airplane again. some travel / adventure could be fun. Would you suck it up & get on a plane if you could climb Machu Pichu for example? Would you be willing to drive to a nearby ( ~ 4-6 hours) casino, big city, or port for a weekend adventure? "I refuse to travel" makes you sound like a stick in the mud, which you are not. 

My husband calls certain things "partici-hating" Participating because it keeps your other half happy even though it would never be your 1st choice of fun thing to do. 

Happy Hunting!


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's hard to find people in that age group that are even able to do hiking or dancing but it's not unheard of and I do know people who enjoyed hiking and dancing until they couldn't do it anymore. I do know one woman who is 70 who still goes on long walks even though she has crippled up feet from psoriatic arthritis and doesn't feel very good most of the time and is exhausted from still working full time. She already has a boyfriend.
> 
> I have a friend who is about 60 or 61 who is still able to do things. She's not into ballroom dancing. But she still goes to punk rock gigs. She goes to the beach pretty regularly and can walk and everything. But she's not looking for a man at the moment because she is recently divorced.
> 
> Since you already are doing some meetups around your activities, I guess all you can do is see if anyone new joins. I don't think it's an impossible quest or anything. It's just that a lot of people get to where they can't comfortably do too many physical activities.


My wife at 60+ was still doing no hand cartwheels at 50+ from her gymnastics/cheerleading days. She can still do full splits even now. Every 2 months, we make vacation trips to CA coast. She hikes along the cliffs & beaches. She still dances like crazy to all kinds of music. Me, not so much for any of those things, LoL! I also have psoriatic arthritis in hands, hips, back, & knees. I just watch her do her thing.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...ok, I'm going to be honest. I don't know ONE woman (or man either, for that matter) over 65 who wants to go skiing or ballroom dancing. Not one. I'm just being honest.
> 
> Hiking sucks too but that's just _me_ talking.
> 
> You sound like the perfect kind of guy they hire for those cruise ships that cater to the older crowd - they pay men to dance with the ladies who are there without a gentleman to dance with. You should look into that.


Depends on where you live. My dad is 84 and skis, and in my parents' neighborhood all of the 70 to 80 year old folks ski. They retired in that area specifically to do so and many are widowed/single. Lots of women.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

nospam99 said:


> ....I* 'wish' for a relationship with a physically active and physically attractive (to me) woman who is also interested in a relationship with 'a man like me'*. At this point it's not just 'no success'. My 'second dating life' is now 5 years old. And what I'm noticing is that *as each year goes by, the population of 'candidates' dwindles more.* As THEY age, however many women who would be interested in and able to live an active life AND with a man like me is getting smaller all the time. I'm not 'without hope' or giving up yet. But a whole lot closer to concluding that there won't be that kind of 'happy ending' in this life......





nospam99 said:


> ...Local married women are in my meetup groups. I pretty much know their single friends and 'tread carefully' to avoid disrupting the 'small group dynamic' (management jargon). I know that the women in the groups look down on the men who try to use the groups as 'singles mixers'.


First things first, You might want to think about how "much" you want and project your desire to be in a relationship. A lesson I learned in my late teens was that men who appear to be desperate for a date, find it hard to find a quality woman who will have them. So rather than searching for a relationship, you might want to play the field for a while until you find someone you really like.

A neighbor whose children spent time with my kids has a widower dad that the neighbor just shakes his head at. The guy is in his 80's, stays physically active and had multiple girlfriends that he "services" weekly. He still drives and drives his girlfriends out shopping, to run errands, and out to do dates. Not many of the women can drive themselves and men their age who can are very few and far between.

One of the facts of life is that men tend to die younger than women. That means the older you get, the more likely there will be less competition from other men as they will be in their graves. The problem is that some of those women will be less interested in sex either for medical reasons or for emotional reasons. You and your dates, may need to adjust your definition of what "sex" is. 

So you need to focus on your health. You may also have to work at finding new places to find older women. I would suggest that through your Medicare health insurance provider, join silver sneakers. Then go to a gym to take some of their yoga classes and other classes. Also look into things at the local senior center as far as exercise classes or hiking groups. If you like ballroom dancing, see if there is that at a local senior center. 

Alternately, you might consider at some point hanging out or moving into a retirement community. Alternately, find a charity or non-profit to volunteer for. Some non-profits are almost exclusively women staffed with volunteers. 

Good luck.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

nospam99 said:


> My physical activities are primarily hiking, ballroom dancing, and downhill skiing and large numbers of age compatible women in my area are not particularly interested, somewhat surprising for the dancing.


I'm a 77 year old male and would love to find women who like ballroom, folk, square and so on dance if I were single.

My wife and I have never tried down hill skiing (cheap thrills), but last time we were out Nordic skiing that seemed to be where the white caps were.


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## NotEZ (Sep 23, 2012)

My grandparents (97M and 93F) played a record yearly LOW of 79 rounds of golf this summer (9 hole, but still). There are plenty of active people, even decades older than you. They arent everywhere, but they are out there. Granted, they were together 72 years so always lived that lifestyle.

TJ: Unfortunately, my grandpa passed away last week. He had spent 2 weeks in hospital fighting an infection and the next 2 fighting for the doctors to let him go HOME instead of the "home" they were trying to put him in. Dont think its coincidental he passed in his sleep the night before his "move". Grandma, on the other hand, has wanted to go into a home for a couple years. I always thought they would go very close together... now I wonder if she wont enjoy having people cook and clean for her while she relaxes for a bit yet 



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