# wife doesnt like family



## dieselman123 (May 12, 2016)

hey everyone I'm new to the site and need some advice. m wife says she is unhappy with me and dislikes my family with a passion and for what reason I don't know. it started about two 2 years ago when we found out that my 7 year old daughter wasn't mine. then things took a turn for the worst when my wife decided to post on fb the results of the dna test. my mom and sisters were upset cause they thought that was inappropriate and so did I. I confronted her bout it and she removed the post and then she continued to call her mom friends and family to talk about the results and never spoke to me about how I felt and to see if I was ok. my mom and my sisters decided that they still wanted to see the child. my wife says they should move on and leave the little girl alone and also says its disrespectful to us if they chose to still deal with the little girl. I have chose to back up but not my mom and sisters. I dnt see how this is disrespectful at all and if so can someone please explain to me. my wife dislikes my family cause they chose b in a childs life that's not mine and this is her only reason that she can come up with for dislike liking my family. I dnt understand. now this has taking a tole on my marriage now my wife doesn't want my mom or sisters to keep our kids cause she wants them to keep them away from the other child and she says its a bunch of mess. please someone give me some advice. I think my wife is being very childish about. please help


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

If what you are saying is true then you shouldn't be with this woman in the first place. Her posting the results on facebook should have been a deal breaker. Why would you want to stay with a women like that?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How long have you been married?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

all thoughts and consideration should be about the little girl.

kudos to you and your mom and sister for accepting you are her daddy, no matter what.

your wife is full of it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

So, the fact that your wife cheated on you and had a baby doesn't phase you at all? It bothered you enough to order a dna test. How much hell did your family put her through?


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## dieselman123 (May 12, 2016)

Me and my wife have been married for 5 years now and my oldest daughter I had before we were married. My wife has not cheated on me at all. I confided in my wife about the feelings I had for my daughter not being biologically mine. After the dna test an everyone decided to still b in the child's life that's when everything started to go wrong which was 2 years ago. Like I said my wife is taking her angry for my oldest daughter mom out on her, an innocent child.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce Divorce

I think that just about covers it.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Wow that first post was really confusing, thanks for clarifying. 

This is just a guess but I wonder if your wife feels that your first daughter and the Baby Momma has always been more important to your family than she and her kids. That could be true or just her insecurities. You all find out the daughter is not yours and she sees that as her chance to move up the line of importance. But your family wants to remain in their lives so she and her kids remain in second place even to someone who isn't blood. Childish and irrational but could explain her behavior. 

Just a theory.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm confused. Was she conceived while you 2 were together? If so, that means she cheated. 

You're wife sounds like an evil beotch. Trick you into raising another man's kid then emasculate you publicly. On top of that she's gives your family attitude? She should be grateful that your family even accepts the kid. She hates your family because the shame of what she did. 

I know a lot of people want to praise guys for raising kids of adultery but sorry, I'm not on board. You're cheating yourself of having your own child. I don't know if I could look at the kid the same after knowing how he/she was conceived. Some will say the BH would be punishing the kid. I disagree. It was punished at conception by the WW.


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

jsmart said:


> I'm confused. Was she conceived while you 2 were together? If so, that means she cheated.
> 
> You're wife sounds like an evil beotch. Trick you into raising another man's kid then emasculate you publicly. On top of that she's gives your family attitude? She should be grateful that your family even accepts the kid. She hates your family because the shame of what she did.
> 
> I know a lot of people want to praise guys for raising kids of adultery but sorry, I'm not on board. You're cheating yourself of having your own child. I don't know if I could look at the kid the same after knowing how he/she was conceived. Some will say the BH would be punishing the kid. I disagree. It was punished at conception by the WW.


I'm sure OP will clarify, but I think he had a daughter before he met the current wife, they found out his oldest from the other relationship was not his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

OK, just reread more carefully and have a better understanding. 

Your wife is hurt and probably a little embarrassed that her husband and his family is still doting on a child that's no yours. See this is where men, accepting a child of adultery can hurt them in the future.

Your wife will want to have kids of her own but she's with a man who gives time & money to another woman's kids that isn't even his. It probably hurts her feelings that your family wants to spend time and resources on such a child and I imagine the mother.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dieselman123,

Your story is very had to follow. So I’m trying to write it down in more of a timeline.
7 years ago … You were with a woman (W1) who had baby girl. You thought that you were the biological father to the little girl (LG1)

5+ years ago … You broke up with W1 and started seeing the woman who is now your wife (W2). W2 is NOT the mother of this little girl (LG1). W2 is the step-mother of LG1.

2 years ago … You did a DNA test on your daughter, LG1. The DNA test says that you are not the biological father of LG1.

Today … Your wife, W2, is angry because your family wants to continue to have a relationship with the 7-year-old girl, LG1.

Now some questions:

Do you have custody and/or visitation through some court order for LG1? 

Do you pay child support for LG1?

Does LG1 still spend time at your house? If so, how does your wife (W2) treat LG1 when she is at your house.

Do you and your wife have any children? If so, how many and what are their ages?

Does your wife have children from before you married her (with some other guy)?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

All good questions above.
My opinion:
YOur mom and sisters are not wrong whatsoever in still loving someone that they grew to love in the past. The little girl is not at fault for her parentage. She also deserves to be loved by people that claimed to love her in the past, when she has done no wrong.

Your wife is totally lacking in empathy if she can't see this.

If you're paying child support for a child that's not yours, she has a legitimate beef. Let the biological father pay for his own child. But she should NOT hold it against you to spend a balanced amount of time with the child you have always loved as your own.

I see this as a problem with lack of empathy for others, inability to be reasonable, and selfish behavior on your current wife's part. It doesn't bode well for your future, to be honest.

You should explain this to her in a way she can understand, doing it with love, but doing it where she understands that you are not giving in on this. Your mother and sisters won't, I assure you. Because they are IN THE RIGHT.
Good luck


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why doesn't the child's mother have custody? You say you confided in your wife about your feelings regarding the child not being yours - what were those feelings? Does your wife love the child? Do you love the child? Are you receiving support payments from the mother?


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## dieselman123 (May 12, 2016)

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I had a daughter before me And my were together.and yes she had a son before we were married. Both children from Different people. Me and my wife together have 2 kids ages 4 and 1. Her son from a previous relationship is 7 and my daughter is 7 from a previous relationship.2 years ago I confided in my wife about my feeling for my first daughter about she not being my biological child and proceeded to get a dna test on my 7 year old daughter. Yes I am on child support. And is currently in court trying to stop it. My wife dislikes my family because they still want to be in my 7 year old daughter life. My wife said why continue to do for the child knowing what my 7 year old daughter mother put me throught. One on cheated on anyone. I have accepted her son as if he were my own and I feel as though she should do the same.she thinks that my mom and sisters dnt suppose to have dealings with my 7 year old daughter mother cause of what she put me through. But I told my wife if they still want to be in my 7 year old daughter life they have to deal with her mother on some level. My wife is thinking my mom and sisters deal with my 7 year old daughter mother like she a apart of the family but the truth of the matter is they just call my 7 year old daughter mother and ask to get the child. Nothing more nothing less.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you are trying to end the child support, does that mean that you will also be giving up all custody and/or visitation rights? Are you letting the 7 year old girl fall out of your life?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I'm confused... Why did everyone think the child was yours? Did she get pregnant by cheating on you? And then post the evidence on FB herself? WTH?

I'm curious to know, but regardless of the answer, if you two are married and she is serious about your marriage working, it makes no sense at all that she would be unhappy that your family is embracing her daughter as part of the family.

It sounds like she does not want to be married and is using the child's paternity to drive a wedge in your marriage instead of telling you she wants out.

If I'm understanding this correctly, she actually sounds mentally unhinged. And like she belongs on the Maury Povich show... 

ETA: It also sounds like she is using the child like a pawn - what mother would want one child singled out from the family like that? Something is really wrong here...



dieselman123 said:


> hey everyone I'm new to the site and need some advice. m wife says she is unhappy with me and dislikes my family with a passion and for what reason I don't know. it started about two 2 years ago when we found out that my 7 year old daughter wasn't mine. then things took a turn for the worst when my wife decided to post on fb the results of the dna test. my mom and sisters were upset cause they thought that was inappropriate and so did I. I confronted her bout it and she removed the post and then she continued to call her mom friends and family to talk about the results and never spoke to me about how I felt and to see if I was ok. my mom and my sisters decided that they still wanted to see the child. my wife says they should move on and leave the little girl alone and also says its disrespectful to us if they chose to still deal with the little girl. I have chose to back up but not my mom and sisters. I dnt see how this is disrespectful at all and if so can someone please explain to me. my wife dislikes my family cause they chose b in a childs life that's not mine and this is her only reason that she can come up with for dislike liking my family. I dnt understand. now this has taking a tole on my marriage now my wife doesn't want my mom or sisters to keep our kids cause she wants them to keep them away from the other child and she says its a bunch of mess. please someone give me some advice. I think my wife is being very childish about. please help


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingWife said:


> I'm confused... Why did everyone think the child was yours? Did she get pregnant by cheating on you? And then post the evidence on FB herself? WTH?
> 
> I'm curious to know, but regardless of the answer, if you two are married and she is serious about your marriage working, it makes no sense at all that she would be unhappy that your family is embracing her daughter as part of the family.
> 
> ...


You might want to read this post... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...233-wife-doesnt-like-family.html#post15660121


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## dieselman123 (May 12, 2016)

Everyone thought that my 7 year old daughter ( not by my wife) was mine due to the fact that me and my 7 year old daughter mother was together at the time
I am not backing out of her life, I just want to be off child support. My wife posted the results on fb after we find out that my 7 year old daughter was not biologically mine. Sorry for the misunderstanding


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> You might want to read this post...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...233-wife-doesnt-like-family.html#post15660121
> 
> ...


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Well that changes everything... In my mind at least.

I really feel for the little girl, but his current wife's reaction is much more understandable. I think I recommended the wrong party for the Maury Povich show!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

dieselman123 said:


> Sorry for the misunderstanding. I had a daughter before me And my were together.and yes she had a son before we were married. Both children from Different people. Me and my wife together have 2 kids ages 4 and 1. Her son from a previous relationship is 7 and my daughter is 7 from a previous relationship.2 years ago I confided in my wife about my feeling for my first daughter about she not being my biological child and proceeded to get a dna test on my 7 year old daughter. Yes I am on child support. And is currently in court trying to stop it. My wife dislikes my family because they still want to be in my 7 year old daughter life. My wife said why continue to do for the child knowing what my 7 year old daughter mother put me throught. One on cheated on anyone. I have accepted her son as if he were my own and I feel as though she should do the same.she thinks that my mom and sisters dnt suppose to have dealings with my 7 year old daughter mother cause of what she put me through. But I told my wife if they still want to be in my 7 year old daughter life they have to deal with her mother on some level. My wife is thinking my mom and sisters deal with my 7 year old daughter mother like she a apart of the family but the truth of the matter is they just call my 7 year old daughter mother and ask to get the child. Nothing more nothing less.


From your wife's perspective, having the 7 year old in her in-law's lives = keeping your ex in their live's as a daughter-in-law. I understand that you say they only call her to see the child, but I'm sure it feels very threatening to your wife to have them making nice with your former wife/lover with a child that is not even *really* related to them.

I'm not saying it's the most mature reaction, but I think it is very normal. Especially if you are "making nice" with the mother too.

Here is this constant reminder of your ex in your wife's face. Your wife is jealous. But not without reason. I don't know the answer, but I do think you need to have some empathy for your wife's feelings. 

One thing I am still confused about - did you say that you and your wife have custody of the seven year old? If so, why does your family need to interact with the girl's bio-mom?


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

How does your mother and sister treat your wife's oldest child, your step-daughter, a child to whom they are legally related? I have a feeling she is left out of things and treated differently than your former lover's child, who was passed off as your child. This child's mother lied and used you.

Does your FOO give money and gifts to this child's mother as well?

In order for you to stop having to pay child support, your parental rights will have to severed with this child.

Let the child's mother go on Maury and find out who is the real baby daddy. Allow the child to form bonds with her real paternal family.

Try to see this through your wife's eyes.

IamSomebody


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dieselman123 said:


> Everyone thought that my 7 year old daughter ( not by my wife) was mine due to the fact that me and my 7 year old daughter mother was together at the time
> I am not backing out of her life, I just want to be off child support. My wife posted the results on fb after we find out that my 7 year old daughter was not biologically mine. Sorry for the misunderstanding


What is your ex's take on you wanting to get the court to change things so that you do not pay child support?

Usually, when this change is made, the non-bio father also loses all custody and he really has no legal right to expect to ever see the child again. Are you ok with that? 

Also, do you have a lawyer? What does your lawyer say your chances are that to get the child support turned off? I ask because usually, the court only considers the best interest of the child.. not the interests of the adults. And it's in a child's best interest to not suddenly lose a parent though legal means. The result of this is that once a man has been legally established as the parent, it's very hard to get that changed.

I'm asking because the results of all this can have a huge impact on your wife... just as it will on the little girl and you.


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## dieselman123 (May 12, 2016)

My mom and sisters treat no one different from each other. There are no gifts or money being giving to my ex girlfriend. My mom and sisters cnt have a good relationship with my children that I have with my wife because my wife doesn't want our kids around my mother or sister because my wife wants to keep our kids away from my 7 year old daughter. We do not have custody of my seven year old daughter. My ex is totally against me trying to get off child support even though she knew I wasn't the father cause she came to court and told us who her real father was. Also I do not deal with my ex on no level. I see me 7 year old daughter when my mom and sisters have her that's all cause I try to keep peace in my household.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I guess that the 7 year old now knows that you are not her bio-father. And you don't see her much so it seems that you don't have much of a relationship with her.

Do you have any inclination to leave your wife? I ask because you don't sound very happy in your relationship. If you were to divorce your wife, you could go for 50% custody of your children. Then your wife would have no say over who your children being around the 7 year old girl.

Have you considered going to counseling with your wife to see if the two of you can work out a compromise that suits both of you?

Does your wife act this way about other things.. it's her way or she will use anger and manipulation to force you into doing things her way?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What a mess. You are now going to have to continue to pay child support for at least 11 more years for a kid that's not yours. This ex of yours is a vile woman that committed what should be considered a crime but in the "family" court system in the west, men are totally screwed. 

It's all good for some posters to say altruistic things about you but all you're doing is denying your children of needed resources. Why can't bio-dad step up? Because he's a bad boy that hit it and quit it.

Your current wife is the one that you should defending. As her husband, you're supposed to have her back. Isn't that what you want from her? 

I would hire a lawyer to see if you can fight the child support. Don't sacrifice yourself on the alter of being the nice guy. It can end up costing your marriage.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I feel so sorry for that 7 year old child. I wonder if it would be best if your entire family butted out of her life. Your wife's rejection must hurt the child.

The fact that you believed this child to be yours and supported her for five years may make a difference to the court. Good luck.


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