# How to approach business female?



## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

i work for a very large well known company in my city/town. we do contract IT/computer related work at other businesses,

last week i was at a service call at another large business, the work was in the office of a very attractive female, i struck up a conversation with her, 

we talked for about 3-4 hours while each of us were doing our work, we chatted about everything, where we grew up, jobs, hobbies, relationships, pets, etc etc, and even exchanged a few flirty remarks,

she recently got a promotion so we talked about that also,

when i was done my work she was out at a meeting, so i never got the chance to say goodbye to her,

i will be returning to her office this week to do more work for likely the last time, but it will be after hours and all the employees will be gone for the night,

i am toying with the idea of leaving a friendly note on her desk, saying something to the effect of "i wish you the best of luck with your new job/position, i hope everything works out well for you",

i am also debating wether or not to leave my work or personal cell number on the note, or saying something like "if you need any assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me"

does this seem foolish or childish? 

i dont have any other way of contacting her, aside from calling her directly, which i think would be very inappropriate,


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Do you want sex?


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

Quant said:


> Do you want sex?




not in particular, just want to get to know her more


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

youraverageguy said:


> not in particular, just want to get to know her more


Why whats the point?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

There is nothing foolish or childish about going after what you want.

There is absolutely no harm in leaving the note, it's a nice gesture, but nothing will come of it ... not if that is your play. Which is fine, if you just want to acknowledge that you enjoyed your afternoon interacting with her.

Basically what I presume Quant is alluding to is that if you actually want to see this woman, something more deliberate and direct is required.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I think your idea would work, and is leaving the contact up to her... so it's not childish or creepy

I met a guy paying for my college tuition one time while on break at work, he found my work number and called to ask me to coffee. Had a fun time dating him and we are still friends.

I say- go for it!


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

wait a min I read that again...

I would say that you enjoyed talking to her, and you would love the chance to get to know more about her over coffee.
Leave your personal number

The other note sounds too professional.
(like you want a business relationship)


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

bunny23 said:


> wait a min I read that again...
> 
> I would say that you enjoyed talking to her, and you would love the chance to get to know more about her over coffee.
> Leave your personal number
> ...


Yeah, this... The other way makes it seem like you're trying to drum up business. 

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bunny23 said:


> wait a min I read that again...
> 
> I would say that you enjoyed talking to her, and you would love the chance to get to know more about her over coffee.
> Leave your personal number
> ...


:iagree:

Do not say the following. It's too business like. She does not need your assistance. But she just might want to have coffee with her.

"if you need any assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you know her email address? 

If you do not hear from her in a week or two you could email her or phone her at the office as say that you will be in her area and would like to meet her for coffee.


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

thanks for all the replies,

i was thinking about keeping the note "business like" instead of personal because im not sure what my employer/company would think if they found out about this,

i guess im being overly paranoid, but what if she didnt like the note and reported to my company? 

if i keep it "business like" i can still claim thats all it was, business,

i was hoping she would "read between the lines" so to speak and figure out that i wanted to see her/chat with her more,

that is also the reason why i was going to leave my business number instead of my personal number, i have my own cell phone from work,

so still not sure what to do at this point


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I you think that your it could cause you problems with your company or hers then do not leave a note. Instead give her a call and ask her if she'd meet you for coffee.


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I you think that your it could cause you problems with your company or hers then do not leave a note. Instead give her a call and ask her if she'd meet you for coffee.


thanks,

i just hate putting people on the spot, so to speak,

if i call she would need to make an immediate decision, if i leave a note she would have time to think about it at least,

a note wouldnt be so awkward i guess, i just dont want her to think im being creepy, lol


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I think your original idea is just fine and does at least make sure that if the note gets back to your employer they will not take a dim view.

I am guessing it is pretty unlikely that you would leave such a note for every client so if she has a brain I think it very likely she will get the message.

In her position I'd be quite happy to get such a note - but to make it a bit less business like perhaps add in after "I hope everything works out well for you." something like "I'd be very interested to hear how you get on" just to encourage contact on a personal level rather than give the impression you only want to hear from her if you can provide assistance.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Is there a way you can come up with her email address?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

youraverageguy said:


> thanks,
> 
> i just hate putting people on the spot, so to speak,
> 
> ...


IT's not creepy to let a person know that you are interested in them. 

Creepy would be continuing to try to get her to go out with you after she told you she was not interested.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

As a woman, I'd say

1) See if you can come up with her email address. Look for a business card. Check the company's website. Call the company's receptionist (anonymously) and ask for it.

2) Failing those, leave a sticky note on her screen that says, "Name, enjoyed talking with you & would like to meet you for coffee/lunch some time. Please let me know! ~Yourname (cell #)"

Now it's in HER court. It is non-annoying/harassing/creepy. She SHOULD call you either way to let you know (interested/not interested).


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

PBear said:


> Yeah, this... The other way makes it seem like you're trying to drum up business.
> 
> C


Flight of the Conchords- Business Time - YouTube


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Agree with COguy and SGW. Note is a last resort; but the note isn't unprofessional or harassing unless you are a PITA about it. If you can reach out ANY other way, do it. It's not putting her on the spot. Believe me, we women can smoothly shut you down when not interested.  I can already think of at least 3 pleasant ways to decline.

If you leave a note she's LESS likely to think you have a pair and less likely to call you. She is much more likely to agree to a drink if you just ask.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Notes are childish unless you aren't able to physically talk to her. 
Tell her that you enjoyed your time with her and ask her if she wouldn't mind talking some more outside of work. If she says yes set a specific time and place to meet or call. If she says she can't meet you at that time ask her about her schedule. She will probably give you a specific time and date. If she will not give you one she is most likely not interested but doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't just say I will call you. If she is not available for the conversation then leave her a note in your best hand writing write. the Same thing as earlier. I really enjoyed our time working together. I hate that I missed you. I was hoping that we could continue to talk outside of work. I am free tonight from 7 - til whenever. You can reach me at this number (your personal number) . If she wants your work number she can probably look it up. 
Give her plenty of time to call you and don't act like a whipped child if she doesn't call or says no. Doing so will ruin any chance at you having anything more than a friendship or dating.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Do you know her email address?
> 
> If you do not hear from her in a week or two you could email her or phone her at the office as say that you will be in her area and would like to meet her for coffee.


I was also thinking about that- 

e-mail can be your friend, you are putting the ball in her court and she is not "obligated".

I know you are worried about the HR aspect... 
My take is that if you were e-mailing her 10x a day or leaving her notes on her car w/ roses or something... yeah creepy.

A note? Even if she wasn't interested she just got a promotion so I assume she is smart and thats why you like her? No woman would go to HR over that stuff.

Plus unless you have a very specific policy against this.. what's the big deal? It's not like you are satying you want to date her, you want coffee!

Don't make this too complicated 

I would find this super cute!!!!!! Plus I woudn't feel pressured and I would say yes not out of obligation but based on the connection.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

For real did I just read "pull your tampon out"??! wowza


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> I would find this super cute!!!!!! Plus I woudn't feel pressured and I would say yes not out of obligation but based on the connection.


thanks,

thats what im hoping too 

alot of replies for email, but i dont really see what the difference is, one is virtual, and one is physical, but in the end its still the same thing just delivered a different way,


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

youraverageguy said:


> thanks,
> 
> thats what im hoping too
> 
> alot of replies for email, but i dont really see what the difference is, one is virtual, and one is physical, but in the end its still the same thing just delivered a different way,


One shows you have gonads, the other makes you look too afraid to ask her out.

Girls respect confidence, if you liked her so much why didn't you ask her out after you were done on the first day?

Because you were worried, you wanted to think about it, you got gun shy, had to mull over your options, etc. etc. Work on being a bit more bold, sure of what you want, and then go for it. The note makes you look like a wuss.

If I was in your situation I would get her number, then call her in a few days, "Hey I got your number from the front desk, I really enjoyed talking to you, we should go grab coffee or a drink sometime."


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

COguy said:


> Girls respect confidence, if you liked her so much why didn't you ask her out after you were done on the first day?
> 
> Because you were worried, you wanted to think about it, you got gun shy, had to mull over your options, etc. etc. Work on being a bit more bold, sure of what you want, and then go for it. The note makes you look like a wuss.


instead of assuming things that are not true, why don't you go back and take the time to re-read my original post,

the reason i did not ask her out on the first day is in there, so go figure it out


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Also, not to be disrespectful to all the wonderful and helpful ladies here, but you need to be careful about taking advice from women about women.

I've found following general advice from women will lead you right into the friend zone.

Example: On vacation with a group of guys and gals. Guy goes to bar, spends all night talking to one girl, gets her number. Guy comes home and says, "Should I text her that I enjoyed talking to her?"

Girls were unanimous, "OMG that's so cute and so sweet, do it! It will show her that you're interested."

Guys were unanimous, "Don't do it, too eager, makes you look desperate. Wait a few days"

Girls were outraged, "the guys don't know anything." Then the guy asked the girls, "How long did your boyfriends wait to call you." And they all shut their mouths, because we all waited from 3 days to a week.


Sending a note is on that line. It's really cute and sweet, in a "let's just be friends" kind of way.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

youraverageguy said:


> instead of assuming things that are not true, why don't you go back and take the time to re-read my original post,
> 
> the reason i did not ask her out on the first day is in there, so go figure it out


You snooze you lose. Should have asked her before she left. 
Love favors the bold.

Don't be angry...learn from it. The best thing you can learn is that this one is nothing special. When you realize that, you won't get so worked up when you are talking to them and you'll start acting more on instinct. That's called confidence, and it's an instant attractor.


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

thanks,

everybody is entitled to their opinion, i think i will stick with my original plan



COguy said:


> You snooze you lose. Should have asked her before she left.




she said she would return before i left, so i thought i would have a chance to say an "official" goodbye for the day


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

youraverageguy said:


> thanks,
> 
> thats what im hoping too
> 
> alot of replies for email, but i dont really see what the difference is, one is virtual, and one is physical, but in the end its still the same thing just delivered a different way,


Perhaps I am weird but I would far rather have a handwritten note on decent paper than an email. Provided of course you have legible handwriting and can spell!


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Perhaps I am weird but I would far rather have a handwritten note on decent paper than an email. Provided of course you have legible handwriting and can spell!


i actually made three attempts at writing the note, to make sure it was neat and spelled correctly, Lol 

it is ready to be delivered tomorrow night


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

youraverageguy said:


> i actually made three attempts at writing the note, to make sure it was neat and spelled correctly, Lol


I loved finding out those sweet little things about SO's earliest letters to me after we had been dating a while and he confessed.It made me love him even more knowing he put so much effort into making the letter great.

Good Luck!!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

COguy said:


> Also, not to be disrespectful to all the wonderful and helpful ladies here, but you need to be careful about taking advice from women about women.
> 
> I've found following general advice from women will lead you right into the friend zone.
> 
> ...


I think this depends on the person. If a guy waited a week after he got my # to call and didn't have a good reason (i.e. on business trip) I would think he was playing games and he wasn't interested enough to call right away.

If a guy calls the next day, to me that says he's interested. If he calls or texts multiple times then it starts to feel needy, but not just because he calls right away.

Why all of the "rules"? Why not just be sincere - if you like someone, show it. They'll either reciprocate or not. Keeps things a lot more simple.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Why all of the "rules"? Why not just be sincere - if you like someone, show it. They'll either reciprocate or not. Keeps things a lot more simple.


:iagree:


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think this depends on the person. If a guy waited a week after he got my # to call and didn't have a good reason (i.e. on business trip) I would think he was playing games and he wasn't interested enough to call right away.
> 
> If a guy calls the next day, to me that says he's interested. If he calls or texts multiple times then it starts to feel needy, but not just because he calls right away.
> 
> Why all of the "rules"? Why not just be sincere - if you like someone, show it. They'll either reciprocate or not. Keeps things a lot more simple.


If women hooked up with guys that were sincerely nice and thoughtful and sweet and went out of their way to appreciate them, then there wouldn't be "rules". Women make the rules, we just have to play by them.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: How to approach business female?*



COguy said:


> If women hooked up with guys that were sincerely nice and thoughtful and sweet and went out of their way to appreciate them, then there wouldn't be "rules". Women make the rules, we just have to play by them.


Oh snap ...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Women do hook up with these guys.All over the place there are women hooking up with men who are sincerely nice,thoughtful,and sweet and go out of their way to appreciate them.Just on tam alone there are numerous ladies like this and they love their men.

Unfortunately,they don't seem to get as much attention in discussions as the women who flock to the bad guys though so it makes it seem as though most women prefer the bad ones.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm glad my husband didn't wait to call me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

COguy said:


> If women hooked up with guys that were sincerely nice and thoughtful and sweet and went out of their way to appreciate them, then there wouldn't be "rules". Women make the rules, we just have to play by them.


What do you mean by 'hooked up'. With my kids' 20 something group that means having sex. Are you interested in just sex or are you looking to find a woman to date in a committed, long term relationship.

Women do appreciate sincerely nice, thoughtful, sweet, etc. What we do not appreciate are the rules and games.

If you go by rules and games, you are going to attract women who are game players.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Like COguy said, I believe that fortune favors the bold.

If the note is what you are comfortable with, then go for it, and I wish you the best.

So in your discussions did you get the vibes she was interested? Do you know what that vibes looks like?

I hope you feel comfortable about letting us know the outcome either way.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What do you mean by 'hooked up'. With my kids' 20 something group that means having sex. Are you interested in just sex or are you looking to find a woman to date in a committed, long term relationship.
> 
> Women do appreciate sincerely nice, thoughtful, sweet, etc. What we do not appreciate are the rules and games.
> 
> If you go by rules and games, you are going to attract women who are game players.


All women have biological instincts. And let's be clear, being nice and thoughtful is all well and good when you are in a committed relationship. But when you're looking to seal a first date there is a very definitive game that needs to be played, I don't care who you are.

Tell me that if a guy brings you a dozen roses and a poem to ask you out on a first date that you won't think he's a chump. If what I'm saying isn't true, then tell me why there are legions of guys who go to bars, talk to one girl, text them when they get home, and then get friend zoned.

I don't like it...I think it's dumb...but it is what it is. I remember going on TAM and getting pissed about the whole thing. I read married men sex primer and thought it was ridiculous that they were reducing people to biological instincts. But hell if it isn't true, I learned that first hand. If you want to attract people into going out with you, you need to be confident as hell.

That doesn't mean you need to be an a$$hole, just confident and aloof at first. As you increase the commitment you can increase the amount of effort put into the relationship without appearing weak.

What's weird is that women seem to get insulted by the idea. I'm used to it, I've been having these conversations for almost a year now. You tell a woman that a guy should wait at least 2 days to call and they go ape sh*t, like it's ridiculous. Every girl wants the guy to call right away, and yet every guy knows someone who is in the friend zone for calling too early, if they aren't there themselves.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Guys that get friend-zoned are guys that after the first or second meeting were found to be unattractive in some way. Something about them was 'off'. 

In a bar after a couple of drinks, practically everyone is interesting in some way. In the light of day after sobering up, not so much. And then there are the ones who just want to be 'nice' to the guy who's approaching them. Women for the most part are taught to be people-pleaser's from birth. What does that produce? Women that are too afraid to hurt someones feelings. Rejection of any kind would be rude or hurtful. Let him down easy...

You get the picture.


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

Deejo said:


> So in your discussions did you get the vibes she was interested? Do you know what that vibes looks like?
> 
> I hope you feel comfortable about letting us know the outcome either way.


yes i did get very strong feelings that she was interested, as i said in my original post flirty remarks were shared both ways, 

and when i made a flirty remark she seem to enjoy it very much rather than just brushing it off or ignoring it,

and yes i will update either way, tonight is the big night


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

Good luck man! Keep us posted!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## youraverageguy (Sep 2, 2013)

just an update,

i left the note on her desk last night,

she text me first thing this morning and said "that was so sweet of you!"

we have been texting on and off for about an hour and things are sounding great!

thanks for eveybodys replys, i will update more later


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

youraverageguy said:


> just an update,
> 
> i left the note on her desk last night,
> 
> ...


YAY!! That's wonderful Good for you!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Good for you, man. Seriously we love good news around here.

Now ask for the date!


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Good for you, man. Seriously we love good news around here.
> 
> Now ask for the date!


:iagree:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

COguy said:


> All women have biological instincts. And let's be clear, being nice and thoughtful is all well and good when you are in a committed relationship. But when you're looking to seal a first date there is a very definitive game that needs to be played, I don't care who you are.


In that post I was asking for clarification on the use of a word because the purpose behind asking someone out would determine the approach. 

How that got this long response? I don’t know.


COguy said:


> Tell me that if a guy brings you a dozen roses and a poem to ask you out on a first date that you won't think he's a chump. If what I'm saying isn't true, then tell me why there are legions of guys who go to bars, talk to one girl, text them when they get home, and then get friend zoned.


I would not automatically think a guy who brought me dozen roses and a poem to ask me out on a date is a chump. Nor would the roses and poem get me to go out with a guy that would not go out with a guy I would not normally go out with. 

I’ve had that happen with 2 different guys, well the roses not the poem. I went out with them. Sometimes people do fun things to your attention. Neither of the relationships went very far. As it turns out, giving woman flowers to influence her to go out with him does not automatically make the guy nice and thoughtful.


COguy said:


> I don't like it...I think it's dumb...but it is what it is. I remember going on TAM and getting pissed about the whole thing. I read married men sex primer and thought it was ridiculous that they were reducing people to biological instincts. But hell if it isn't true, I learned that first hand. If you want to attract people into going out with you, you need to be confident as hell.


I agree. This goes for women too. Men seldom go for the mealy mouse females.


COguy said:


> That doesn't mean you need to be an a$$hole, just confident and aloof at first. As you increase the commitment you can increase the amount of effort put into the relationship without appearing weak.


Yes confident people attract other people in all things.


COguy said:


> What's weird is that women seem to get insulted by the idea. I'm used to it, I've been having these conversations for almost a year now. You tell a woman that a guy should wait at least 2 days to call and they go ape sh*t, like it's ridiculous. Every girl wants the guy to call right away, and yet every guy knows someone who is in the friend zone for calling too early, if they aren't there themselves.


Just as some men seem to have these little rules they use, some women have little rules they use as well. Obviously some men get all bent out of shape over the rules some women use. 

These rules are guidelines, nothing more. Men and women have a lot of insecurities meeting each other. They feel rejected/hurt way to easy. I suppose the rules help navigate the scene. In every human society and endeavor, people create rituals so that they can navigate it better.

Personally I do not get people who expect a call the very next day after meeting someone. IMO, it speaks of insecurity. I don’t know the guy. We have no real connection. So why would him not calling the next day bother me? If he never calls it would not bother me either.

If you are a guy who lives by the wait two day rule, then you will eliminate the women who have a mandatory next day call rule. So what. There’s a lot of fish in the sea.

If a guy calls the next day and is now in the friend zone, he would most likely be in the friend zoned if he waited two days to call.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Good for you, man. Seriously we love good news around here.
> 
> Now ask for the date!


:iagree: Make it a simple date to start with... like going out for coffee. That way the pressure on both of you is low.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I don't think we're disagreeing on anything EleGirl. Let's spend our time enjoying eachother's company


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