# paraniod or not ? your opinions would be welcome



## only1forme (Dec 30, 2009)

bit of background, me and my wife have been together 21yrs and have two grown up kids..both sucessful workwise and have a good standard of living.
About a year ago we started going to this local club. now the kids were both away we just seemed to have more time. We kinda got settled with a crowd my wife knew from her school days, one of the lads in this crowd and my wife used to go out together back then. A couple of months later i called in to the house in the morning picked up the post and opened it(i'm normally out before the post and last in on a night) One of these was my wifes phone bill on the summary of texts there were over a hundred to the bloke I mentioned earlier. I confronted her about it and she says they are just friends and that I should trust her and not try and pick her friends. That in itself should be fine but I know this bloke is in an unhappy marriage and that he will shag anything that moves. We were all out together boxing day night. the next morning my wife is complaining about her phone and the memory it has, when she passed it to me to have a look at there was a message to this bloke "hello hotty" from the night before. I kinda pretended I hadn't seen it and nipped upstairs to get my breath. When I came back down and picked the phone back up the message had been deleted. Our son is home for christmas so I didn't say anything until after I'd dropped him off but she knew I'd seen the message. Again when I confronted her she said the message was in fun the night before because this bloke had a christmas coat on in a warm pub and kept complaining of being warm. she says that she loves me and doesnt want anyone else.
early that afternoon the bloke texted me to ask if i was going for a pint(really wasn't in the mood) which set my paraniod self twitching. I logged into our orange account and saw only one text message from boxing day night the one I'd read. but she had sent another 3 while I went to drop our son off.
I dealry love my wife and don't want to be a paraniod loony and push her away, but at the same time I don't want to stand by and do nothing the partner is always the last to know.

Any thoughts and all advice will be recieved gratefully,


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

"paranoid or not?" Either way you have a problem. Have confidence in that "gut" feeling; it is usually correct. And from what you've written, I agree. This situation is getting way too involved. So, she texts this man several times each day? Does she text you like this? 

At this point, she must feel something is lacking in your marriage. That's why I'm going to recommend you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. By following the suggestions (and understanding the concepts), you might be able to get your wife's attention again. If you confront your wife and demand she stop all contact, you run the risk of pushing her further away. That's just been my personal experience with a similar situation.


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## spanner (Dec 29, 2009)

Given what you say about the man who your wife is texting, I think your concerns are warranted. Have you asked her why she is deleting "fun" texts? Does she delete other texts, say from you or your son?


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