# Tired and not sure what else to do



## DeekoDeek (Jun 19, 2011)

This is probably gonna be all over the place but I'm sure you will get the idea...

I've been with my husband 2 years now. I'm 29, he's 30. No kids. Our relationship has been less then stable... For about a year he was very verbally abusive to me.. fighting with me for no reason, getting extremely mad, telling me he doesn't give a damn about me, etc. Yes I put up with it telling him he needs to stop or else I'm done. He has broken $1000s of dollars of things in our house when he was angry...we are still paying most of those things off. He once told me out of the blue while he was drunk he likes other women too much and its hard for him not to cheat on me. After the year of hell, and me threatening to leave, he started changing some, not being verbally abusive, only getting mad and blowing up during fights we had and he stopped breaking things. He got a dui last october and we've been through hell with the law and his job over that since october and he's still fighting to keep his job in the Army. It's possible within the next month he could be kicked out and i don't know how we will make ends meet if that happens. I'd say up until a month ago we were constantly fighting real bad. I have always been able to forgive him and move on from our fights, but about a month ago we were fighting and he told me he had a better life with his ex wife.... it hurt me and that was the final blow to me I guess... after the fight was over he apologized multiple times saying he didn't mean it and only said it to upset me... I used to have patience and wouldn't get pissed, but as time went on my patience grew very thin and I started threatening divorce more and more. I am not myself anymore.. I used to be nice and laid back. I can't sleep anymore, I have lots of headaches, I am constantly exhausted, i am mad at him a lot. I wake up mad at him. We sought out marriage counseling, but all that seems to happen is we fight in the sessions and get no where. I am very angry at my husband, I feel almost hostile towards him, I feel he doesn't love me, I don't trust him at all even though I don't think he's cheated (that cheating comment really got to me). Our marriage is broken. I have the thoughts of him hurting me over and over again in my head. He tells me to totally let go of everything in the past and move on. He has been going to individual counseling for the past 2 1/2 months for "issues" but he won't tell me what these issues are and won't talk to me about it at all. He says I should stay with him because he's changed a lot since he's not verbally abusive anymore and he's seeking counseling. I am hurt, sad, stressed... I tell him I need him to show me he cares, i need it to be fixed, his response is he feels like i want him to be a door mat. he has gone from being a POS husband to an OK husband. Yesterday we got into another fight while driving and I felt he was lying to me, so we kept fighting and fighting and he finally ended up punching my $500 stereo and shattered it. I am so deep in this I don't know what to do any longer. obviously i don;t want to get a divorce but........ ?

Please anything will help.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The way I see it, you've lost all credibility with him. You make "threats" of marriage, and that things have to improve or you're leaving. But then they don't change, and you don't follow through. So where's his reason to change?

Other than that, it sounds like he's got many anger management issues, and has no respect for you. You say that he's gotten better, but he just punched your stereo and broke it. How is this better? Because he didn't punch the stereo AND the TV?

C


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

He's displaying violent behavior. That's a hell of a way to live.


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## DeekoDeek (Jun 19, 2011)

Yes, I have made empty threats before and I know he knows that... I have just wanted things to work. But I understand it takes two, and I have done my share of trying to find ways to make it work. I am at the point now where it feels he will never change. Up until he broke my stereo the other day he hasnt broken anything in over a year. When I tell him how I am unhappy he tells me I'm taking away his progress because he isn't abusive anymore (this was before the stereo incident). Regarding the stereo incident he tells me it's half my fault because I kept talking about our issues when he didn't want to talk about them anymore. He has put half blame on me for all the stuff he's broken.

The main reasons why I haven't left yet are- 

Of course I don't want a divorce... But I can't live like this anymore so it's becoming way less of a reason

Money... We have bills, most of them in my name only since I have better credit. A lot of the stuff we don't even own anymore cuz they got broken... We were paying it all off easily until he got his DUI... Then all our extra money went to pay for lawyers and fines... 

I live 1000s of miles away from any family/friends because he's in the army. I can't support myself with my job. I work full time with a lot of overtime sometimes.. I am long overdue for a promotion though... We can't afford one person to move out to separate. 

He is in therapy for issues not related to our marriage problems. He will not tell me what is going on, so I have no idea where he is at mentally or what is going on with him.

Any ideas?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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