# what do i do?



## Airforcewife (Sep 17, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 9 years total and married for 5 of those years. About a month ago my life came to a standstill as he did the unthinkable to me. We are a military family and were excited to get orders to leave our current base which we both were excited about. Who wouldnt be excited to move to Vegas. As the months went by as our move date got closer we drew further apart. I noticed he was being distant in July and i asked him about it and he said to me that he didnt know if he wanted to be married anymore. I was hurt and I started to explain every option to keep our marriage going. I am not a fan of divorce. After this conversation My husband began to act more loving. He began to touch more, we didnt argue, we were even intimate. I decided that since everything was going so well that I would be more open with him. I did things that i wouldnt normally do like stop nagging, or even something simple like watch a scary movie (which i hate) but it made him happy to have someone watch with him. 

So to prepare for the move we decided that I would leave NM a little early and go visit my family in VA and he would drive out to NV. Once he had a place I would join him with our dog. Everything went as planned until he had been in Vegas for about a week. He sent me a text saying that he think it would be best if I stayed with my family and basically that he wanted a divorce. I felt so betrayed and blindsided. I was truly hurt and I did what i thought was right. I begged and pleaded that we should make our marriage work. He then said he was tired emotionally and didnt have anything else to give. He wants to be single and live carelessly without any responsiblity for another human being. Although im hurt I have to say I understand why he would feel this way. We've been together since high school and he got married a month before 19 and i was about to turn 21. The problem is that i dont feel this way and i love this man. My biggest fear is that he will never come back. 

People say that he will once he comes down and realizes what he's done but im afraid he wont. Or that if he does there would have been so much damage done in the time apart that i couldnt be with him again. I know it will get easier with time but I think that i will always love him. He's a good guy he just doesnt want to be married 

I dont know what to do and i have none of my things. he has everything but he's across the country. I came to VA with a little over a week of clothes and my dog. I am devastated and somedays i cant find the strenth to get out of bed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. If anyone has any military advice that would be awesome too.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hang tight hopefully someone will be through to offer some advice.


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## Airforcewife (Sep 17, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Hang tight hopefully someone will be through to offer some advice.


Thank you...im over here like where is the help :/


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe there is someone else? I don't know...

Have you talked to him recently?


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

I would offer that it is better to be there than with him while he feels this way. I'm living with my STBXW while she continues her relationship with OM. It is torture to be around the object of your affection and not have those feelings returned. Once they get to this point and you continue to pursue, they come up with new and more inventive ways to harm you. I would offer that does far more damage than anything else.

You can't be with someone who doesn't want you. You are worth more than that. Love can't live in a healthy way if it isn't returned. You need to respect your husbands choice and request that he send you all of your things. Don't call, text, email or pester. Go see a counselor on your own and try to come to grips with it. Hopefully, the time apart will remind him of what he is missing and you can have another chance. But you need to get to where you're OK if that doesn't happen. 

It is unbelievably hard. I don't envy you. I'm a little further down the road, but not much. Trust your gut, not your emotions or your thoughts, they can enslave you where you are if you give into them.

GearHead


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

My husband said the exact same things to me; he had nothing more to give. I was devastated although I did see it coming for over a year before he actually dropped the bomb. Like GearHead says, you need to get to a place where you're ok with whatever the outcome of this is. Get yourself some counseling, get your stuff back from him and start to move on with your life. Thankfully you are with family to help you during this time. It stinks to be going through this with no family around. It will get easier as time goes by. You'll notice that you're able to get out of bed in the morning and your legs won't feel so heavy. Mine literally felt like they were filled with cement. Post here often as well, I've found alot of support from these great people. Oh yeah, cry whenever you need to, it's a great cleansing process. ((((hugs))))


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Airforcewife said:


> So to prepare for the move we decided that I would leave NM a little early and go visit my family in VA and he would drive out to NV. Once he had a place I would join him with our dog. Everything went as planned until he had been in Vegas for about a week. He sent me a text saying that he think it would be best if I stayed with my family and basically that he wanted a divorce.


My hunch is that as soon as you left NM, the woman he was cheating with moved in.


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## Airforcewife (Sep 17, 2011)

Atholk said:


> My hunch is that as soon as you left NM, the woman he was cheating with moved in.


I literally left 5 days before him so if there is someone else she would be in Vegas, not NM


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Airforcewife said:


> I literally left 5 days before him so if there is someone else she would be in Vegas, not NM


You are assuming it wouldn't take too long for him to get to Vegas - and who's to say the other person isn't someone in his squadron or base that might be transferring with.)

Might pay for you to find out more. There are repercussions to be had in the military with adultery. While I'm not an expert in military justice (my only experience with air force was as an ROTC cadet), his commander can be brought into it, but have solid proof first.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I can't even count the times I felt I had nothing left to give. Not because of her ( I love her with every fiber of my being) but because of her family. Her parents are more demanding than anyone I've ever met and we have to do absolutely every thing for them. Manage their finances, take up their financial slack, do their shopping clean up behind them and the list never ends. My w has a stressful life dealing with them and 911 and living with fibromyalgia. so I do everything and I do mean everything at home to alleviate as much off her as I can. But I do feel that way sometimes. When I do I just dig deeper and tell myself "you have to do this for her". Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be Atlas yet sometimes I feel like Atlas shrugged!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

You have some things to do and you must do them fast. If he wants a divorce there is nothing you can do about it...what ever the motivtion. But he is still legally your husband and you must guard your personal life as in making sure the bills are all getting paid and your welfare is insured until such time as you can handle things properly. He can't just send you some to family while he continues on with life. I know it hurts. I am in a similar situation except I never had excuses...he just left because "he didn't have any more to give" but he never told me, just that he was unhappy. Good you have a support system in place, you will need them.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It sounds to me like their could be another woman in the picture somewhere.

As painful as this is, you cannot force someone to love you or want to be with you. Besides, would you want a man that you had to beg to stay with you? I would think not.

I would suggest getting yourself in counseling and/or a divorce/separation group. You are most definitely not alone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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