# Newly married and he tells me to leave whenever we disagree



## alhaja (Jun 19, 2016)

I'm at a loss with my new husband. We have been married almost one year, together for almost 5. I moved to his country to be with him and we've just completed the documentation for him to move to the US with me. I'm so frustrated though because it seems impossible to even have a discussion with him. Every time we disagree, he tells me if I don't like it I can leave. I try to say this doesn't resolve anything, but there's no use.

Recently, our arguments have been these. I complained about how much he smokes weed and plays video games. I don't really have a problem with either, but it's gotten to the point where we hardly do anything because all weekend thats all he wants to do, from the moment he wakes up. And then another day I asked him to change the music he put on the radio at the gym because it was really heavy and I didn't think the other women there at the time appreciated it. He called me a pain in the ass. Later, I mentioned marijuana again, because he lost interest in a good potential job once he realized they would drug test. I told him I didn't think weed should be his priority.

His reaction to all of this is to get extremely defensive. He says I'm trying to tell him what to do and control him all the time and his response is always the same. "This is the way I am and you knew it when you married me. If you don't like it you can leave." He throws it in my face that he's more "successful" than me, because he has a higher paying job, so I can't criticize him. At which point I started to pack a bag to go to a hotel, but he informed me he wouldn't let me leave with "his" car. He bought the car that I use here. So I went to spend a few hours with his mother, my only other support here. She is frustrated by his behavior too, but won't do anything about it.

It's now been 2 days and he has barely spoken to me. I don't know how to continue if I can't even get him to talk to me without throwing down an ultimatum. We're scheduled to move back to the US in 2 weeks and I'm afraid I've created a real problem for myself when we get there.

He has always been stubborn like this, but he always seemed reasonable. But lately... I can't even talk to him.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Ok, so your husband smokes a lot of weed, ignores your needs and would rather play video games, prioritizes weed over a decent job, is very controlling (the "his" car issue), has you isolated from your family and support system and is emotionally abusive (leave if you want to.)

If you are a US citizen, your primary objective needs to get back here at all cost. Then if he walks or if you walk, you are back home. Do you have any family support in the US?

And if you stay in the other country, a MUST for you is to hide your passport (or have another copy) and HIDE enough money to get a plane ticket and move back home.

One more tip. Don't get pregnant. Make sure YOU rely on and choose the method of birth control.

That's all I know to help. Sorry you are in this situation.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Head back to the U.S. In 2 weeks. ALONE.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

This guy hasn't the foggiest idea of the real meaning of marriage.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Head back to the U.S. In 2 weeks. ALONE.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely, come back home without him. Our country does not need another video playing doper. You could easily have found one of those here you did not have to go abroad. He is a child and although I'm sure you thought you/marriage would invoke change in him you now see that that is delusional thinking.

Save money, borrow money but do come home WITHOUT him unless you want to live like this indefinitely.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

For her physical safety, I disagree. Yes, he has not physically abused her, or at least she has not said that, but he is very controlling and trying to limit her options. 

She can always come back, then leave him later. The first priority is to get back. If she breaks up with him in the foreign country it might result in trouble. 

The parents might get involved to pressure her to stay. He might steal her passport. He might take away her money.

*Or much worse.*

Please get home young lady and post back here when you arrive so that we know you are safe, or at lease home.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I think I'd up my departure by a couple of weeks.

And go alone.

Seriously, he sounds like a freaking baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I would do my best to get back to the US, as soon as humanly possible. Can you come tomorrow? Alone.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get in touch with the nearest US consular office and clue them in.

Then get the heck out of their and back home ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

You need to get out of that country. I've had a few friends marry and live in a country where women have no rights and to leave the husband to come back home can be incredibly difficult. 
I would leave as soon as you can.


Sent from my iPhone


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

SO LEAVE!! The sooner the better.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Leave. Now.


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