# i'm so desperate.. i need some help..



## pearl26 (Sep 26, 2010)

hello everyone! i'm new here. i'm 26 and my H is 32. we've been married for 3 yrs now ( we only dated for 3 months then we decided to get married). I'm currently pregnant due in november. before we got married my H and i have a sex life. but when we got married it started going downhill. we only had sex once in a month, if i get lucky. i'm a sexually active person. i love kissing and foreplay. i love having intimate with my H. especially, now i'm pregnant it's like the urge of my sexual desire doubled. i'm always the one who initiate to have sex with my H but i always get turned down. i really do feel rejected and unattractive. it really hurt so bad. i already talked to him about it but nothing's changed. i don't mind him watching porn as long as he doesn't hide it from me. yesterday, i found out that he's watching porn behind my back he doesn't know that i know. so, i asked him to have sex with me he said no. i asked him sweetly when is the last time he watched porn and masturbated he said it's been a long time that he couldn't remember. i didn't get mad at him from lying i just let it slipped. it's like when it comes to porn he has a lot of energy but when it comes to me he's ALWAYS TIRED. WHY ON EARTH HE HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT? the porn thing really affecting my marriage and i am so depressed. i couldn't even remember the last time we had french kiss and foreplay. i'm starting to despise him. sometimes i don't even wanna stay in the house with him. how come our sex life went downhill we're not even married that long. i can't help comparing him to my ex's. i was happy and satisfied with my sex life before. but now with my H it's so frustrating. and it's a first time for me to use lubricant because i don't get wet. and when we have sex no kiss and foreplay. then he will ask me "are you still far?" it really a turn off. the longest sex that we had was roughly 10 min. please i really need some advice on what to do. i tried everything that i could think of but he always shut me down. i'm thinking that after i give birth i will never initiate to have sex with me anymore. that i don't wanna have to do anything with him. the anger inside me keeps building up. sometimes i just find myself not even wanting to talk to him anymore and wishing the next time i wake up, i won't feel a thing for him.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think the first thing you have to do is be completely honest with him. Tell him how you are feeling, even show him your post. If he doesn't realise how much this is damaging your relationship, he won't have any incentive to change his behaviour.

He might need help to deal with a porn addiction. I think it gives people unrealistic expectations of what their sex lives should be like within their marriage. It shouldn't be based on what they see, but the person they are with. It seems to be so incredibly unhealthy for a person to replace a meaningful relationship in their lives with unrealistic images of other people having meaningless sex. He can't possibly expect your marriage to last in that sort of environment, but maybe he's not thinking beyond the end of his nose at the moment. You have to open his eyes to how bad this really is for you. Stop hiding how upset you are, be completely open and honest.


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## pearl26 (Sep 26, 2010)

breeze said:


> I think the first thing you have to do is be completely honest with him. Tell him how you are feeling, even show him your post. If he doesn't realise how much this is damaging your relationship, he won't have any incentive to change his behaviour.
> 
> He might need help to deal with a porn addiction. I think it gives people unrealistic expectations of what their sex lives should be like within their marriage. It shouldn't be based on what they see, but the person they are with. It seems to be so incredibly unhealthy for a person to replace a meaningful relationship in their lives with unrealistic images of other people having meaningless sex. He can't possibly expect your marriage to last in that sort of environment, but maybe he's not thinking beyond the end of his nose at the moment. You have to open his eyes to how bad this really is for you. Stop hiding how upset you are, be completely open and honest.


i already confronted him several times before. i told him what i feel. unfortunately, nothing's changed. i don't mind him watching porn as long as he won't hide it from me, it so sad that he couldn't make me satisfied then he always reject me when i want to have sex with him. i don't think our marriage will last without having intimacy. but as much as possible i really wanna save our marriage.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I had a bf many years ago that was like that. He wouldn't have sex with me, but when he thought I was asleep he would go watch porn, and get off. He would avoid any physical contact with me. He is the one with issues not you. Don't blame yourself.
We broke up. Turns out he was gay. Not saying your guy is gay, but you may want to check around.


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## cheetahcub (Aug 18, 2010)

There are men who don't want to have sex with pregnant women. They feel that they can hurt the baby, or that sex made you like that, and it's a constant reminder. I think that this could be part of the issue. The other one could be that there's a general "caught in a cage" feeling men get when they marry quickly. After the sparks they feel it's over. I would suggest talking to other happily married couples and let the men have a chat about how great marraige can be. This is a man thing, not anything about you. Just keep on being the girl he fell in love with, he will shake out of it.


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## unhappyksu (Sep 29, 2010)

Hi, 

I am in the same boat with you, except I am not pregnant. I am 27 years old and we were married for 6 years. Only during the first year our sex life was good. I discovered during the 2nd year of marriage that he has ton of porn on his computer. I find it disgusting and disrespectful and we had a huge fight over it. He promised never watch it again. But ever since then I cought him at least once a month. Also our sex life came down to nothing. He did not believe he needed to do any kissing, rubbing, massage, etc. If I got any sex, it was more like in porn. I had to lay there with my legs already open. He was completely insensitive to what I feel and what I tell him. It got down to point we hardly have sex at all. I only stayed marred so long because of our daughter, but now I regret I wasted that much of my life thinking he is going to realize that he cared about his family and he will change. UNLESS he admits he has a PROBLEM, nothing will change. GUYS have porn justified in their head and there are plenty of women out there who really don't care what their husbands do for whatever reason. I researched this porn deal for a few years now and what I found that some guys genuinely just enjoy it once in a while, alone or with their wives, but they are still attentive to their wives. Others just get absorbed in porn and don't care about sex with their wife anymore. 

I personally could not take it anymore. I felt unattractive, unwanted, developed insecurity complex (although I am a pretty girl and guys check me out all the time). I sincerely feel for you because I have been living in this for 4 years thinking at least my daughter has a dad. However, it turned me in psyco because every time I was out with my daughter and he was home alone, all I could think of is that he is jerking off to some chick with tits bigger than her head. I could not even focus on my child. 

You at least are ok with him watching it here and there. I would say your situation has hope, just make a point not to have a cookie cutter porn type sex with him. Good Luck!


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