# About to give up on reclaiming this fantasy



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

For most of my adult life, I've had a fantasy of sex in a semi-public place...a park, someplace like that.

When my wife and I first got together 12 years ago, I tried a few times to fulfill it, and it never went anywhere. So, it fell by the wayside, all but forgotten.

Just over two years ago, she had her PA...less than three weeks after meeting this POSOM, she was bent over a park bench in broad daylight. As we began to reconcile, the subject of my fantasy came up, and she suggested we make it a reality. Suddenly, it was front and center in my mind again...I can figure exactly why, too: I wanted to reclaim that fantasy...to take ownership of it back from OM. We found a few likely locations and....

Nothing.

Genuine obstacles (inclement weather) would get in the way, but, more often than not it's: "It's too hot out." or "I don't feel good." or "I'm too tired." or "I'm just not in the mood tonight." etc, etc. Which brings us to more recently. Back in November, she had a hysterectomy, so, I'm fully aware of the fact that, thanks to hormone levels, her sex drive is in the basement. We've still been workin to coordinate this. Last week, she said that, at the very least, we'd go to the park and I'd get some oral. But, when it came time to do it, her back hurt from an assignment she was given at work. Then last night, she jus didn't feel like it.

I'm ready to throw I the towel on this fantasy. After two years of trying hard to make it work, it's just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and I don't want to get to the point of pestering or begging about it. I'm thinking it's just not going to happen.

/end vent
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Aw, damn. I'd be pissed, too, honey.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Been there, done that, several times, and it's not that great IMO. Works much better as fantasy than reality. I like noise 

But it sounds that she really isn't into it. Sounds like she is just trying to somehow make it up to you on the account of the affair.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I suppose that's possible, costa, although I don't get a sense of it being a sort of obligation. I hadn't mentioned it in years, and she's the one who brought it up during R.

At any rate, though, the reason is pretty much academic at this point. I'm just tired of buttingy head against this particular wall...getting the message that it'll finally happen, then having the same old reasons for it not happening trotted out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

What about stop planning it? See a chance and seize it?

I mean, bang her by surprise on top of your in-laws kitchen table for example (that's why in laws have tables right?)!

Planning and failure cycles are bad for moral.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

LOL

Well, for that to work, we'd need to be on speaking terms with my in-laws, so.... ;-)

But, seriously, the logistics of what we've got in mind require a bit of planning...someone to watch the kiddo while we slip away to do it, for example. As far as I'm concerned, any time we're out on our own is potentially an opportunity to go for it
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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Grayson said:


> she's the one who brought it up during R.


i agree with costa, partially based on this quote.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Again, it's certainly a possibility.

Just for clarification's sake, it's not something that was actively pursued or pushed for in the years prior. By my estimation, it had been roughly 9 years since I'd even thought about it...longer since I'd brought it up. Although, as mentioned, I fully comprehend why it became such a big deal to me when it came back up a couple of years ago.

But, regardless of her reasoning, I'm throwing in the towel on this one. Her sub-zero drive in the wake of her surgery is frustrating enough without letting myself get my hopes up only to see them dashed again and again.


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

Man up on this one and take the initiative. Plan a early evening picnic and do it. Don't let her set the rules to when it's just perfect. I wonder if she planned on banging the OM in the park- probably not, he probably just initiated and she let him take the lead.

Why give her TOTAL control on making YOUR fantasy a reality.

Very beta. Be alpha on this. Many women WANT alpha (just not ******* alpha).


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

A logical response, ItMatters, and appreciated. And, once she starts her hormone treatments in the near future, it's a much more likely scenario. With her current hormone and drive issues, though, simply initiating results in her not enjoying it (which increases her frustration with her low drive, which sends it even lower) and me feeling like a borderline rapist. Not exactly what I'm looking for from this fantasy. While the setting is indeed my fantasy, if we don't both enjoy it, what the frak is the point?

I know, I know...I didn't take that approach pre-surgery, either. Part of that's definitely in my approach, and part is due to my internal process of planning the logistics. Without going into too much boring detail, I'd semi-consciously/semi-unconsciously narrowed our windows of opportunity to maybe a dozen nights.


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## MindOverMatter (Jul 1, 2012)

Grayson said:


> A logical response, ItMatters, and appreciated. And, once she starts her hormone treatments in the near future, it's a much more likely scenario. With her current hormone and drive issues, though, simply initiating results in her not enjoying it (which increases her frustration with her low drive, which sends it even lower) and me feeling like a borderline rapist. Not exactly what I'm looking for from this fantasy. While the setting is indeed my fantasy, if we don't both enjoy it, what the frak is the point?
> 
> I know, I know...I didn't take that approach pre-surgery, either. Part of that's definitely in my approach, and part is due to my internal process of planning the logistics. Without going into too much boring detail, I'd semi-consciously/semi-unconsciously narrowed our windows of opportunity to maybe a dozen nights.



I see your point here, Grayson. Certainly if she's not enjoying it due to hormonal issues, you're probably not going to like the results of a "surprise attack".

Speaking from experience, you need to revisit this as soon as she begins HT, because there is something incredibly stimulating about public sex. My wife and I did this at one point, though I would have a better chance of winning the PowerBall than I would of that same event happening again today.


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

quote,Just over two years ago, she had her PA...less than three weeks after meeting this POSOM, she was bent over a park bench in broad daylight. 

I do not understand why you want to have anything to do with her after that. You must really love her and she has crapped all over you. 
I just wish I was man enough to leave my W and she only had a EA with petting ?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Long story short, Henry, she put her money where her mouth is regarding R, going so far as to delve into possible underlying psychological reasons for her behavior (both as far as her cheating and in her past) and constantly working to make herself a better person in that respect (all with the understanding that, if it happens again, forgiveness is not forthcoming again).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I want to help you buddy


DIVORCE HER

she is not worth it she is a lost soul


PLEASE leave this woman


She cheated on you and yet you somehow want her. Its all in your head there are far far better women out there who would never hurt you in such a way. You have no idea how many women are out there who would never do such a thing let alone how many women have been through the pain of it happening to them. So many good loyal and loving women out there.


Your wife is a peace of work


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

costa200 said:


> What about stop planning it? See a chance and seize it?
> 
> I mean, bang her by surprise on top of your in-laws kitchen table for example (that's why in laws have tables right?)!
> 
> Planning and failure cycles are bad for moral.


Yes, it's just really not as sexy when it's planned. I understand why it has to be sometimes, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

If I were your wife I think that I would be kind of reticent to do something that I did with the OM like that. Maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of it. At the same time if I cheated on my husband I'd be doing anything I could to kiss his ass for not filing for divorce. I don't know.
I've done semi public, in a forest, in a car parked on a street at night, in a van at a campground, on the deck of a house at night. I don't know if you want more public than that though. I guess for me it's a balance between doing something naughty and possibly getting seen by innocent people (kids). 
Good luck. Maybe when her hormones kick in she will be more in the mood but I wouldn't push it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Grayson said:


> For most of my adult life, I've had a fantasy of sex in a semi-public place...a park, someplace like that.
> 
> When my wife and I first got together 12 years ago, I tried a few times to fulfill it, and it never went anywhere. So, it fell by the wayside, all but forgotten.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't throw in the towel at all.

First, she knew this was a fantasy of yours and denied you it, but can do it for some random dude, in the middle of the day, after three weeks. That is just a kick in the balls, period, and she knows it. Second, she offered it to you, and in the process got your fired back up about the idea. Third, she cheated on you and should be bending over backwards (outdoors) to make up for it and for not turfing her @$$.

I hate to toss out an "she owes you" but if there is a time when she owes you, this is it.

I'd be blunt about it, explain that you hold some resentment over the fact that some A-hole got in three weeks what you've been wanting for a decade and what she promised to you two years ago, and it's time to make it a reality. 

No way I'd give up on that fantasy if I was you. I'd be downright adamant it happens, and soon.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I get where you're coming from, kingsfan, and "you owe me this one" is part of my mindset. At the same time, I don't want an "obligation f**k" that only I enjoy. Which also ties in to the current hormonally-induced sub-zero drive. I'd likely be much more adamant if that factor weren't currently present.

At any rate, we've got rain in the weather forecast for the rest of the week (while a certain kind of mess is inherent in the fantasy, a muddy mess isn't part of it ;-) ), and me traveling for work all of next week. So, right now, it's all academic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Well you are stuck in the guilt zone my friend. She wants to do it to make you happy. But what do you think goes through her mind. It isn't you it is OM it is what she did. If she is being truly remorseful about the PA. I would not sweat this unless you find that she is communicating with OM still. 
If she is communicating with OM and is still involved she may be trying to save it as some way to show her loyalty to OM. 
I'd say go through her stuff with a fine tooth comb. IF you find she is on the up and up. Then find a new fantasy. Or hell just do it. Say you want to go for a walk in the park and tell her to wear a skirt for you. Surprise and Alphaness is what makes these fantasies feel right. Also like another poster said. She may not have enjoyed the experience.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Grayson said:


> At any rate, though, the reason is pretty much academic at this point. I'm just tired of buttingy head against this particular wall...getting the message that it'll finally happen, then having the same old reasons for it not happening trotted out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That sounds pretty demoralizing.

My wife has pulled this kind of bait and switch on me numerous times with similar sexual things, albeit those were with previous boyfriends not an AP (still no absolute proof on the PA).

I've given up letting myself get my hopes up on any of it. I don't think she has any clue how it impacts a husband to have that kind of repeated rejection and disappointment.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

badbane said:


> Well you are stuck in the guilt zone my friend. She wants to do it to make you happy. But what do you think goes through her mind. It isn't you it is OM it is what she did. If she is being truly remorseful about the PA. I would not sweat this unless you find that she is communicating with OM still.
> If she is communicating with OM and is still involved she may be trying to save it as some way to show her loyalty to OM.
> I'd say go through her stuff with a fine tooth comb. IF you find she is on the up and up. Then find a new fantasy.


No need for a fine tooth comb. As mentioned upthread, she's been walking the proverbial walk...full transparency to me, and all is well.



> Or hell just do it. Say you want to go for a walk in the park and tell her to wear a skirt for you.


Hell, with red flags like that, we may as well plan. :rofl: We're not much for strolling through parks, and as often as she wears a skirt, such a request would be tantamount to asking me to put one on.

But seriously...I get what you're saying, though.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

I hope I am not too late with my response. Why don't you pick a perfect place, when the weather is good tell her you are talking her out on a date(be romantic, bring her flowers, buy her some sexy lingerie), take her on a date and maybe right after the date suggest the spot you (or both of you agreed on before) picked and than stop by that public place to have sex. It will be much much harder to resist when you are already out and had a great date, it almost just sets you up for it, plus the date will set you both into the right mind set,and there is much less opportunity for excuses. Don't both pre-plan cause than one of you have an excuse, just plan a date, and let the sex in public be a surprise, maybe tell her at the end of dinner than you'd love to **** the hell out of her and you know just the perfect place  Also there are still public places you have sex in that you don't have to be outside for, google some ideas


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Having sex in public isn't all its cracked up to be.. In my younger years i did it a few times.. in a park(daylight)in a parking lot (not in a car) and a few other places. 

If you get caught you can get into big trouble, but then i guess that is where the thrill is


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

It isn't always about the thrill of getting caught. I want to do it out in the forest, and I know places where we would never be seen. I want to do it on the beach. Late on a dark night would be just fine. In fact I am working on that beach thing this summer during our vacation.


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## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

Why not just keep it a fantasy? Once you do it it becomes reality...no more fantasy.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

J.R.Jefferis said:


> Why not just keep it a fantasy? Once you do it it becomes reality...no more fantasy.


Because outdoor sex frigging rocks?


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

The beach!!


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