# I know I am not crazy... am I?



## mtomas1 (Nov 18, 2008)

Ok, So my husband and I have been married for four years. We have wonderful two year old twins, an outstanding four year old, and the most ammazing eight year old. I have not been to work since half way thorugh my last pregnancy with the twins. Here recently, I got a job and work two nights a week. It great to leave the ids at home with my husband and cut down on the day care as well as give them time with Daddy. I recently bought a soft ware for our laptop, sine our oldest gets on line and plays games with his friends. It is a key logger, and takes snapshots of every screen my child looks at. Little did I know at the time this is for ALL users on the computer, and not just my little ones. So, I went to work for my third week...I came home and went to bed. In the mornning I woke to the kids tearing up the house, the twins were wet, the cat was hungry, and my husabnd sleeping on the couch. We have a rule, since I work nights and get home late, the next day my husband wakes up with the kids and feeds them so I can get a little shut eye. I woke him up and said " hey whats going on here" He says "I am tired I could not sleep last night, so I dont feel great" so I told him to go to bed I would take care of it. Our oldest, toldme he was so hungry....I made some breakfast, apperenty...out son says Dad did not give any of them any dinner. I wondered why. I cleaned house tired, my hands were bruised from work. Latter I gave the kids their bath and showers, our daugheter was red on her butt, looked like some diaper rash. So I got the kids to see for nap time and checked my e-mail......I had an alert from the soft ware I just got like 17 hours ago. I checked... My husband was on line all night looking at striptease videos and on Adult Friend Finder, And a Site called Heaven 66. I was pissed, not only did I just get a job and trying to work hard, our kids were neglected while he did this. I am hurt, agry, not to mention he tried to delete the web history and serch inquires! I asked him about it, he says it my fault his needs are not getting met. Then he tells me all guys look at porn and I should nt be mad since we have dvds and its the same thing. The nerve. Last month I set up parental controlls on the computer, and since I am the administrater, it did all accounts but mine. Not only was my son trying to start up a my space, but my husabnd was looking up "spankin" and dominatrics type stuff. When I asked him about that he said he could not get into anything because of the parental controls, so he just tried any thing he could think of. Am I nuts or stupid? I need some advice please.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

advice? first, i guess not ALL men look at porn, but there's a reason sex sites are the highest grossing of all websites...

the spakin', bdsm, dominatrix stuff could be all visual (those chick do dress pretty cool) or he could have a fetish.

bad thing is , the kids might accidentally get access or see something you don't want them to see.

nuts or stupid? about what? what have you done?


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## mtomas1 (Nov 18, 2008)

See this is the thing.... I have some gear for the bed room, but he is not interested in it, some are the dominatric type. SO why try to hide it, I thought we were an open couple, talking about out fantcies and stuff. But to hide it.... and to neglect the kids over it... make it seem like its important for him to see this stuff? Imean we have dvds and all kinds of stuff. But why now... and this is not a good way to 'bond" with me. I just wish he would have included me in it, or talked to me about what "he needs" instead of loking on line for things.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

so much goes into bdsm and role playing, i wouldn't want to guess. he'll have to feel safe enough to talk to you about something that might hurt your feelings. but get to that point anyway. communication is the boring answer but it's most common on this forum. so, go forth, communicate.


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## mtomas1 (Nov 18, 2008)

Well, how do you supose I should feel about the whole thing..? I guess it ok to look at porn, urt your wifes feelings, and all the while neglect your kids to do it?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mtomas1 said:


> Well, how do you supose I should feel about the whole thing..? I guess it ok to look at porn, urt your wifes feelings, and all the while neglect your kids to do it?


you are expressing your feelings in your reply. i'm not gonna tell you how to feel. you feel it.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

mtomas1 said:


> Well, how do you supose I should feel about the whole thing..? I guess it ok to look at porn, urt your wifes feelings, and all the while neglect your kids to do it?


I put spyware on my computer and found porn, too. I thought my H was open and honest with me, too. I was so shocked and angry. I tried to be OK with it at first, but when it came down to it, i just wasnt ok with it. Ive accepted that i cannot be in a relationship with a guy who watches porn. period. it might not be the 'in' way of thinking, but its what makes me feel at peace with myself. 

I also wonder, like you, if i would have been ok with it if he didnt hide it from me, and if it didnt interfer with our marriage. but i dont know about 'what ifs'. im just going with what is.


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## mtomas1 (Nov 18, 2008)

Ok so here is a NEW blow to my already falling apart marriage!!!! One of the reasons I have been so up set about this whole mess, is the fact my husband has some stuff show up on his face....I got him to see the doctor and he came home and said would you go get the presciptions filled for me. I said sure and went to Wal-mart. I noticed there was one for Valtrax (spelling?) I went home and looked on line and it is use to treat shingle and other things, so I thought no worries, right? Well the doctor called my cell and wanted to speak to my husband, who was at work... So I asked what he needed. He said he needed to go over his test results with him. Now, me...any time you have tests doe and they come back negitive, the doc never calls. So I gave him te hubby's cell andsaid to give him a call. Latter, I asked him what was going on, He said wait till I get home. Deep down I already knew!!! I called the doc back and made an appt. for my self today!! Well, so he came home and told me he hs herpes-2 .....I was floored. He blames me, says I gave it to him...I don't have any sympytoms...and I have not cheated. So now I wait, and wait.... I am so lost, scared, and the web sites I have looked at have donenothing but terrify my to death. We have kids...no eatting or drinking after one anther, no sharing towels or wash cloths, no sharing razors, or other things. I can't even look at him right now. He told me the first time the doc thought it was an alergic reaction or skin diorder like exema or sorisis... WTF do I don now....Please help.


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## mommyto2girls (Nov 12, 2008)

I feel for you and I am sorry that you are going through this. I bet the waiting is the worst . 

I want you to know I am only expressing to you what my response would be to this situation. I personally would walk away, especially if the test comes back positive on you, I am sure he is only accusing you because he knows that he has been caught and he is pulling at straws. I would be disgusted with my husbamd, and I don't think I could bring myself to forgive something liek that .

Again I hope things get better


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

guys, why the hell do we do stupid stuff like this???


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

voivod said:


> guys, why the hell do we do stupid stuff like this???


Who is we? BTW Not all men look at porn, I have no need or want to. Further It might be time to ask your hubby to move out if you feel you or your children might get infected.

draconis


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