# Suicidal sister-in-law



## opensesame (Dec 19, 2012)

My wife's sister has had a lot of psychological difficulties ever since her teenage years, and has been a recluse for as long as I have know my wife - since 2004. She is terrified to go outside and hasn't worked in at least that long. My in-laws have been looking after her at home during all that time.

What makes matters worse is that my in-laws lost their home during the tsunami and earthquake of 2011 in Japan (my wife is Japanese). They live in accommodation provided by the government, which is basically two rooms - a bedroom and a kitchen/living room. My wife and I send them money each month, although fortunately they also both have jobs. 

This weekend my wife was distraught because we are trying for a baby and her sister said over Skype, "Why bother? All a kid will do is grow up and die." Her sister then said she herself wanted to die and there was no point in living. Apparently this isn't the first time she's said this.

My problems are twofold, really. First, I want to help my wife, who is very close to her sister and really took this to heart: she basically spent all day on Friday and Saturday crying. I've told her that she needs to get her parents to try to get her sister to therapy as soon as possible. But being in a different country (we live in the UK) this is really difficult. And Japanese society is still quite conservative about mental health issues.

But second, I don't really know how much I should say about what I think about the situation, but I feel like somebody needs to sit my sister-in-law down and tell her to pull herself together. The amount of pain and trouble that the rest of us in the family have gone through since the earthquake is unbelievable, and her parents most of all. It seems like the ultimate in selfishness to act the way she acts. My wife kept saying to me how crazy it was that her sister survived the earthquake and the tsunami and is now saying she wants to die. Not incidentally, my wife lost two of her best friends that day. 

This is a bit of rant, I guess, but what can somebody in my position do? How do you get somebody who is very depressed out of that condition? And what can I do to help my wife and her family in this situation?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

She needs to get help quick, while I understand it's a conservative culture, I'm sure there is still help available. Taking into accounts the recent tragedy, there must be some kind of counseling for the victims of the tsunami. Maybe seeing other victims can help her know she's not alone, try to find something for her.

Also, can she come visit you? Maybe your wife can find her some help to start off with, plus traveling is always a good distraction.


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## opensesame (Dec 19, 2012)

Those are both good ideas. We've thought about inviting her to stay with us for a while. It's so hard to imagine she'd do it though. This is a woman who is 37 years old and can only leave the house at night because she's scared she might meet somebody (!).


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

It sounds like her issues are ongoing, and maybe triggered by something.

Although I think you are judging her a bit too harshly. Many people died and sometimes people feel guilt that they survived, or they just feel depressed. Depression is not something that can be controlled, she can't control the way she feels.

Maybe your wife can fly out there?


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