# Selling our house



## ClairesDad

I was on Talk About Marriage years ago and the members here helped me get through a rough time in my life. I found out my wife was having an affair. We ultimately divorced in the middle of 2014. 
After my divorce I bought a house for my kids and I. I met a nice woman soon after and we got married in 2018. She moved into my house. All the time we were together before we married my wife never mentioned how much she disliked my house. My house is a simple ranch in a very nice city. My son graduates this year, so we aren't tied to this particular city. Admittedly combining 2 households in an 1100 sq foot house was a challenge, but both of my kids will be gone soon and her sons are on their own.
My wife is really pushing me to sell the house and move out of the city onto some land. It sounds appealing and financially it would not be difficult. But I have a very big emotional attachment to my house. I never really considered moving until she started to bring it up last year. The thought of moving doesn't sit right with me and the house is perfect for just the 2 of us. We are both in our mid 50s.
Other than this issue, we have a very good marriage so far and have had no other issues really.


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## Marc878

You count too.

Compromise.

Let her do a remodel. Add a sunroom or screen porch, maybe redo the bathrooms or kitchen in something she prefers.


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## Blondilocks

A house is just a house. Your wife is what makes it a home. IMO, every couple needs to buy a house together so that each person will feel like the house is theirs and can transform it into their home. There will be no feeling that one person is a visitor and needs to ask permission to do something to the other person's house. Plus, there is more of a commitment and sense of pride when both names are on the deed and mortgage.


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## Harold Demure

Do you get a UK TV programme called Love It Or List It? This has couples, one of whom wants to stay and make the house better whilst the other just wants to move. May give you ideas for how to deal with your situation. There may be an American equivalent.


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## ccpowerslave

This would be the biggest no brainer in history for me. Then again I can’t wait to buy another house and live at least part of the year somewhere else.


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## ClairesDad

Harold Demure said:


> Do you get a UK TV programme called Love It Or List It? This has couples, one of whom wants to stay and make the house better whilst the other just wants to move. May give you ideas for how to deal with your situation. There may be an American equivalent.


We have the Canadian version here in the US. That is sort of us. The house works fine for me, not so much for my wife. I have an attachment for this house because this house was the first major purchase I made after my divorce. And I hate the thought of packing up and moving again.


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## Openminded

Does she want bigger/better or different location or just different?


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## D0nnivain

Conversations about options may help clarify. It may not feel like your house together as a couple to her because it was yours before you & she married. She may hate the location. 

There are options. Maybe the remodel will fix things. Maybe a different house in the same area. Maybe she really hates the area. Can you afford 2 houses? 

Talk, talk & keep talking until you find a solution that works for you both


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## ClairesDad

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I appreciate it. I was kind of thinking out loud and getting my thoughts off my chest. My wife does want a house of our own. That we both agree on. I'm holding onto this house more for sentimental reasons than anyhting else. The city we live in has some very stringent zoning laws and codes. There is really no way to add an addition to the house except to add a second story. The housing market is absolutely booming in my area. I could sell and make twice as much as I paid for my house just 6 years ago. Conversely, that means houses we are looking at are expensive. But my wife doesn't mean anything bad by wanting to move. She just wants a house she can call ours. Much of her possessions are stored in the basement. We are looking at a couple of houses tomorrow.


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## lifeistooshort

If you wife’s stuff is in the basement she's basically a long term visitor in your house.

That's quite problematic and frankly it speaks highly of her that she's gone along with that as long as she has 

I'd go get a house together. Your attachment to it tells me you have a foot in the past and are not fully looking to the future with her.

Why have you not fully integrated her into this house?


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## hamadryad

Second(third) timers at that advanced age shouldn't be getting pushed around by anyone into anything they don't want to do....I can't tell you the amount of guys I know that are married to women that constantly need to upgrade/change/move houses...One guy I know is now doing it and he's 76 years old...He's gonna be taking on a mortgage at this age all because she wants a ranch style house(a spacious and luxurious one)...He was completely happy with his current situation...FOH with that crap...

This crap never ends for some women...

If you are happy in your own situation, whatever it is, then don't change...I wouldn't that's for sure.. You only know her for a couple of years....I may make some changes(within reason) to appease her, but I would never totally capitulate to her desires,,, If she doesn't like it then she can go and figure out what works best for her...The need for space is kind of a cop out....Two people. entering your phase/age of life. without kids and all that related gear, could live easily and comfortably in a house of that size...Honestly most of the people that I know at your age(even one's that are very wealthy) are downsizing are going small.....some very small...

Do what you want, I just hate to see people(mostly guys) that continue to let women dictate what they do...They may have been living for decades in some house that she picked out, decorated, etc and hated it and now to start all over again with the same shyt?? I know it's our nature as men to give in to women in these areas, but at some point you have to stop giving in all the time and get/keep what makes you happy/comfortable.....


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## Blondilocks

ClairesDad said:


> We are both in our mid 50s.





hamadryad said:


> Second(third) timers at that advanced age


LOL. OP, are you going to take that sitting down?


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## hamadryad

Blondilocks said:


> LOL. OP, are you going to take that sitting down?


What's supposed to be funny(or offensive?)? I am mid 50's and yes...I consider myself at an "advanced age",,,,Not old. but certainly advanced...Hell, I find out almost on a daily basis, guys my age that are friends/business colleagues/relatives dying at this age...it's not even rare...

Hold your ground, OP...If you are happy and don't want to move, then don't...Me, I'd have never re married and avoided some of this BS altogether...Then she can have the exact place she wants and you can stay in the house you like and are most comfortable in...Why should your opinion and desires not matter?


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