# Men and Money, help me to understand



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This weekend I'v triggered badly. One, I feel that we're not moving forward in what he needs to do to his apartment for me to move in. I started organising some papers of his and he became angry.

And then I came across a receipt from that period.......

HE always maintains that she was just a friend. But thanks to electronic history there is a lot of detail that I know about. I point out to my bf that despite what you say, this is what it looks like.

I'll give you an example of the some of the more poignant points ......During this period when "she was just a friend", I can see that they went some sports bar and ran up a £127 charge on his credit card. 

The following week, he took a long time to call me back. When he finally did, I already had plans with friends. So I included him. The plans consisted of a Sunday Roast, all of £10 at the pub plus the cost of a beverage. He said he couldn't pay (mind this is the first time he's meeting my friends) because he didn't have any cash on him. The receipt mentioned above shows that he used his credit card to buy himself a £3.50 drink.

Ok, that's more than a year ago. And we have gotten to a place where he understands that I can't work at the moment due to health, and so he pays for everything. But that took many discussions......

I don't understand when you are "going out" with two women (and I mean that either way, literally and the dating meaning). Why would you spend more of your money on the one whom you see as just a friend than the one you're dating and are contemplating a long term relationship with? 

How do you men reconcile that?

I did also have to explain to him that when you when you wine and dine a woman and then not expect sex from, us women really do believe you care about her more than anyone else.

When did you guys understand that about us women?


----------



## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

So, in a nutshell here, you went snooping through his private and personal financial history looking for something to back up your theories. You find receipts to back up what you THINK you know and take it out on him...... you find a receipt for a SINGLE drink on a credit card when he said he had no CASH and you think your argument is justified?????

I will sometimes spend more money on breakfast with my wife's parents than I do on a "night out" for us.... what does that say??? Absolutely nothing, other than it cost more for one event than the other.

Now, you are itching to move in and he isn't moving fast enough for your liking???? PLUS he has to pay ALL your bills because of whatever is wrong with you? 

Lady, you sound like a right gold digging ho. ALl you seem concerned about is his money and how he spends it. I apologise in advance if you are not, but listening to the drivel above, your concerns are not only misplaced but also misbegotten.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You’re deluded enough to think all men speak with one voice? Crazy.


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I guess it's possible that some men equate money spent to how much they value someone/something. I don't. Many things I like most are free, or cost very little.

My main currency is time. If I spend time on something, then it's something I value. Money comes and goes, I have only so much time.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Wow, Unbelievable. Maybe the larger expense of going out with the other girl was why he didn't have any cash for the outing you invited him to and that he hadn't planned for. You perspective seems really warped.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mephisto said:


> So, in a nutshell here, you went snooping through his private and personal financial history looking for something to back up your theories. You find receipts to back up what you THINK you know and take it out on him...... you find a receipt for a SINGLE drink on a credit card when he said he had no CASH and you think your argument is justified?????
> 
> *I will sometimes spend more money on breakfast with my wife's parents than I do on a "night out" for us.... what does that say???* Absolutely nothing, other than it cost more for one event than the other.
> 
> ...


It says that you are comfortable or even like showing your wife that you care about HER parents. (and not the parents of some woman you're "just friends" with)


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

you haven't even moved in with this guy and yet you're snooping through his credit card bills? if I were him I'd run a mile - I was married for 10 years and wouldn't have dreamed of invading his privacy like that even though I knew something was up

if you don't trust him now what's in going to be like in 5 or 10 year's time?

maybe he's thinking you're going to be more trouble than you're worth, especially if you're not actually contributing anything to the relationship??


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Can we lay off a little, please?

The OP obviously feels that the relationship is questionable or unstable, as a result ... that often makes ANY of us think, speak, or behave in a manner that does not define us as a whole.

Input is fine. Suggestions are great.

Cheap shots and criticism are not.

There is an awful lot of that going around lately.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> you haven't even moved in with this guy and yet you're snooping through his credit card bills? if I were him I'd run a mile - I was married for 10 years and wouldn't have dreamed of invading his privacy like that even though I knew something was up
> 
> if you don't trust him now what's in going to be like in 5 or 10 year's time?
> 
> maybe he's thinking you're going to be more trouble than you're worth, especially if you're not actually contributing anything to the relationship??


He has asked me to move in with him. I have asked him to organise his apartment to make space for me. Sometimes, for something specific he will just ask me to do it. Why he was getting tetchy on Friday about my picking up some papers that he left on the couch, I do not know.

But I do remind him, that he needs to show progress on making space in his apartment for me to move in. If he doesn't, then I need to move on.


----------

