# Are there just persons, who are not chatty and social at all?



## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I wrote about my husband not wanting to go places before because he seems to be a bit afraid of them.

Two weeks ago we suddenly went to a crowded coffee place. I was shocked (positive shock). Yesterday I talked with him about it and asked him if he wasn't happy about it and he said that it really does not mean as much to him as it does to me.

My husband is not afraid of parties when he knows the people but I noticed he does not really "chat" instead whenever there is a party, he starts to be "useful" rather than talking to persons he does not know well.

I also noticed my husband often does thinks on his own and seems not to mind. For example yesterday he went jogging all alone. He did jog or work out all alone lots of times before and I could not figure if he was sad about it.

I wonder if he is "burdened" by that. Deep down in his heart does he think "Oh, I wish, my wife would go jogging with me... and I wish I was more extroverted so I would be the heart of every party... and I wish I could go places more easily"?

Or does he rather think "I don't mind being afraid of going places with my family at all because I don't like it anyway"?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

My guess is he doesn't need anyone to jog with him. He doesn't need to be the life of the party. He's probably happy with who he is, as he is. I read this the other day and I feel it pretty much sums it up for introverted people. I don't think there's anything wrong with being introverted personally.

How to interact with the introverted... - The Meta Picture


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

breeze said:


> My guess is he doesn't need anyone to jog with him. He doesn't need to be the life of the party. He's probably happy with who he is, as he is. I read this the other day and I feel it pretty much sums it up for introverted people. I don't think there's anything wrong with being introverted personally.
> 
> How to interact with the introverted... - The Meta Picture


Thanks a lot!
Do any of you guys happen to be that kind of introverted? Do you really feel like social interaction is stealing you energy?


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## kokonatsu (Feb 22, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> Thanks a lot!
> Do any of you guys happen to be that kind of introverted? Do you really feel like social interaction is stealing you energy?


yes! I am that way. I love being alone or with just my husband or another close friend. large parties wear me out and do if I am ever at one, I'll find one or two people to talk to.. won't go talking with everyone, or I'll just watch people. 

I'm kind of surprised at your OP.. there are so many introverts, though less than there are extroverts apparently. there's nothing wrong with being introverted, it's quite wonderful actually 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I was asking because my husband sometimes is not feeling well and I think that this is the reason why he avoided going places. He currently is on an antidepressant... and I was worried if he has social phobia. He was not diagnosed with it as far as I know... and he does talk a lot with his close friends but he does not talk to people he does not know that well. I was worried that he might be afraid of them a bit and while wishing to talk to them be to shy.

I just don't want him to feel sad, unhappy and alone inside. While he never told me he felt that way he does not talk about his feelings and if he felt that way I would not know.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

well, he is probably not very conversational! He has a few things to say, and when said, he is done. Can not really think of new stuff to talk about--other things are inconsequential.

There are coping mechanisms. He can listen to a news radio program like NPR or fox news to keep current on the latest breaking news. That way he at least has info available for most conversations. 

He can join an organization like Toastmasters International to get over his fear of speaking extemporaneously in public--learn to think on his feet.

He can just find internet chat rooms to post on current topics. It will force him to learn how to respond to others, without the fear of having to do it in real time.

But you can help too. Try to move your fun times from things like social gatherings into things like group activities...like hiking with other couples, surfing, kayaking with a group, party boat fishing trips, learning trips like a guided trip to a museum where you are listening a lot more than talking...then you can talk about what you just learned. He sounds like a Do-er than a Talk-er


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

We just went hiking with another family. He loves hiking. While it was fun  it was also a bit boring because there was not much action. 

We have a different definition of action, he thinks physical things like sports are action and I like to meet interesting people.

Hubby said he likes to be useful at parties because someone has to be but I always feel like it is a bit of a flight.

I don't think he would ever consider becoming a toast master.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

One of the major differences between introverts (me) and extroverts is where and how they get their energy. Extroverts get there energy from external stimulation, parties, crowds, amusement parks, concerts, anything with lots of people or high energy activities. Those same activities that fuel extroverts drain the energy from introverts, introverts need quiet reflective time to recharge, they are much better off in intimate settings with smaller groups, and most definitely like some alone time. 

There is lots of good reading on the subject, I just recently read a book called Quiet that was pretty informative, though a bit long worded at times. 

So to answer your question OP, yes there are people who are just not chatty or social at all, yet those same people can be a lot of fun put in the right setting.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Thanks a lot!
> Do any of you guys happen to be that kind of introverted? Do you really feel like social interaction is stealing you energy?


Yes. It can be exhausting. Too many social events or even too many meetings at work too frequently takes a toll and I get real irritable. Sometimes I need a whole weekend to decompress. I usually do things on my own and don't care what people think nor require their presence to be happy.

Something "fun" you might do with your husband one evening is take the Myers - Briggs Personality Test. Some people debate the usefulness and accuracy but for me it was spot on. I am INTJ


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I like to cycle alone. My commute by cycle to work is on lonely roads and can take an hour.

I am happy doing it.

I once cycled with a group. Once.

some of us are just happy being alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's an introvert and you're an extrovert. Those marriages can work when both understand each other but "understand" is the key word. Because they are two very different things. For introverts being around other people drains energy. It's exhausting and might be okay in very small doses but not beyond that. 

He may try to be outgoing and more social or he may not try but he's wired differently so he's never going to be like you.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

I am that way sometimes too. Especially in social situations where I don't know many people, but I know a few, I'd be perfectly comfortable doing something helpful in the kitchen for example, or sitting quietly and listening to the conversations around me. 
People in the past have mistaken this for insecurity, or have assumed I'm a *****, but some people just talk more than others.
Don't get me wrong, I have had my moments where I am the life of the party, but these are usually the parties I host, or parties being hosted by really good friends who's homes I know very well.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> I was asking because my husband sometimes is not feeling well and I think that this is the reason why he avoided going places. He currently is on an antidepressant... and I was worried if he has social phobia. He was not diagnosed with it as far as I know... and he does talk a lot with his close friends but he does not talk to people he does not know that well. I was worried that he might be afraid of them a bit and while wishing to talk to them be to shy.
> 
> I just don't want him to feel sad, unhappy and alone inside. While he never told me he felt that way he does not talk about his feelings and if he felt that way I would not know.


If he's like me he's fulfilled by the relationships he does have. He might not have many, but he won't need many. What he does need is quality over quantity. If he can open up to you and have interesting conversations, you will fulfil much of his requirement for social interaction. Add in a solid friendship or two with people he sees regularly and I would think it'd be enough.

The depression is a different problem. I don't believe being introverted will generally cause someone to feel depressed, but if he is depressed he'll be less likely to want to even speak to the few friends he does have. This is where a little pushing to go to a friend's bday party or bbq or social event may be required, but not necessarily a big event with mostly strangers. There's no benefit in that, it's just a strain.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I'm going to second that you do some reading on Myers Briggs, and test yourselves, and talk about it. It will probably do you a world of good. There's nothing wrong with him, you don't need to try to 'fix' him (btw you couldn't, even if he was broken), but you can put in a bit of effort, and come to a much better understanding of what makes him tick. And yourself for that matter.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> I'm going to second that you do some reading on Myers Briggs, and test yourselves, and talk about it. It will probably do you a world of good. There's nothing wrong with him, you don't need to try to 'fix' him (btw you couldn't, even if he was broken), but you can put in a bit of effort, and come to a much better understanding of what makes him tick. And yourself for that matter.



Good advice. It sounds like the OP is projecting her personality and trying to make hubby more like her. He marches to a different drummer. That's all.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I prefer doing things alone or with DH. Other people are just too much extra for me. I bet your husband uses his solitary time to recharge.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

I can identify with some off the aspects you describe in your husband’s behavior.

Being "useful" at parties, I love to help out on the BBQ, run the in house Bar and sort out the music. For me it is about ensuring everyone else is having a good time.

Preferring the company of friends to that of strangers. I think we all prefer to be with our friends it is more a matter of how easy we find it to make friends. I only have half a dozen real friends (people you could turn to no matter what was wrong) and the rest of the people I know (most of them nice people) are acquaintances be they from work, church, neighborhood, car club, etc. Do not get me wrong I can be very sociable and I go out of my way to help anyone in need but I am slow to form deep relationships.

Enjoying time alone. I find that spending some time working on the car or walking in the Cotswold Hills does me the power of good. I enjoy the physical demands and it gives me a chance to clear my head / get my thoughts in order.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

What you value OP, he might not value at all, but still does it FOR YOU. We call that Compromise.

If you were to jog with him, you would do your share as well.



Dance with him, don't just make him dance. It takes 2 to tango.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Cooper said:


> There is lots of good reading on the subject, I just recently read a book called Quiet that was pretty informative, though a bit long worded at times.


I found a book called "quiet" on Amazon, which was written by Susan Cain. Is that the one you are talking about?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

DoF said:


> If you were to jog with him, you would do your share as well.


I am pregnant and cannot jog with him but I know what you are talking about.

I definetly try to like my husbands hobbies and sometimes they turn out to be fun if you give them a try.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Sunburn said:


> Something "fun" you might do with your husband one evening is take the Myers - Briggs Personality Test. Some people debate the usefulness and accuracy but for me it was spot on. I am INTJ


I already know our types. I am ENFP and my hubby is ISTJ.
Actually I am not sure if the ENFP personality profile really describes me well. ISTJ is accurate for my husband.

I am so happy I caught and ISTJ, because a) they are very "rare" just 10-14 percent of the population and b) ISTJs make the most loyal husbands according to their profile. For mine that is true 

It is neccessary to check that ISTJ men are happy from time to time because like many men they do not talk about this things (only that ISTJ men like talking about emotions even less then other men).


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Everybody,

Thanks for explaining. I just wanted to make sure my husband is happy and that he is not thinking "Oh, how I wish I knew what to say. All those people are more intelligent than me, so I'd rather shut up. Oh, I guess nobody at this party likes me. Oh, I'd rather be helpful so I don't have to talk with them".

For me it is hard to understand how a person can be so tight-lipped/withdrawn/how ever one might call it like my husband sometimes is.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> For me it is hard to understand how a person can be so tight-lipped/withdrawn/how ever one might call it like my husband sometimes is.


A better description might be that he is observing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Some people are just not social. 

Re: his workouts, tell him you want to join him one day and see what he says. 

I am assuming he was always like this, or is it something new? 

I personally hate to exercise with people.It's a solo endeavor for me because I feel more concentrated that way. It's a time for me to be in my head alone and recharge.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I prefer doing things alone or with DH. Other people are just too much extra for me. I bet your husband uses his solitary time to recharge.


I feel the same way. This causes my DH to feel burdened at times though. I work from home and feel like I have to get out of the house when he gets home from work, or else he feels like I'm being clingy. But I'm just a homebody who has trouble being authentic with more then a couple of people. I'm also a listener as opposed to a talker, and other people straight up drain me with their troubles. So I prefer to stay in and read a book


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am unbothered by long stretches of silence that would make other people uncomfortable. But I when I talk to you I like it to be about something not a blather-chatter type. I also don't go out of my way to protect other people's feelings.


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## Devotee (Sep 22, 2013)

I am pretty much just like your husband. I am an INTJ as well. And my H is like you, very extroverted. 

It's not that I don't like people or am shy or are afraid of social situations. I just enjoy it in limited amounts. Then I require time by myself to unwind, or "recharge", as described. I get very irritable otherwise. 

My H and I joke that I could go a whole month without interacting with another person and for me that would be just fine. 

We have come to an understanding that we have different needs. He has accepted that I am not a social butterfly and never will be, although it did take him the better part of our 17 yr marriage to get there. I bend a little and attend his social functions occasionally and conversely, he will go solo, giving me my space. We both realize we are not compatible in this area, but accept it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> Everybody,
> 
> Thanks for explaining. I just wanted to make sure my husband is happy and that he is not thinking "Oh, how I wish I knew what to say. All those people are more intelligent than me, so I'd rather shut up. Oh, I guess nobody at this party likes me. Oh, I'd rather be helpful so I don't have to talk with them".
> 
> For me it is hard to understand how a person can be so tight-lipped/withdrawn/how ever one might call it like my husband sometimes is.


The only way to tell for sure is to ask him.
It's great you got a loyal type for a husband but if you're mismatched what good is loyal...not even sure if he's happy and don't think he could be responsible for that himself? 
I think that would make me depressed if I were him. Along with a spouse who even remotely speculates that I might think myself unintelligent or unlikeable. Did you not check out his self-esteem when you checked out his personality profile? Or did you just shoot for loyal and that was good enough for your purposes in a love match?

Do not ever try to change someone or improve them or whatever 'help them?' after they are married to you and you to them unless they require something like an involuntary commitment/911 call or they ask you specifically for help (and then the response should be for them to seek a therapist first and find out if it is healthy for you to 'help'.)

While you may feel that you are justified because he might be depressed, the cure to his depression from his point of view might be considered just as legit...and you might not like it very much. My inner dialogue around chatty folks I can't escape from usually is as limited as my outer dialogue...can be summed up with a 4-letter acronym, tight-lipped is preferable I will promise you that.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Some people are just not social.
> 
> Re: his workouts, tell him you want to join him one day and sew hat he says.
> 
> ...


No, he has been like this as long as I know him.

We did work-out together, but now I am pregnant and cannot. We do have a toddler which makes it even more complicated.

To be honest sometimes I do not like to work-out with him because he can be bossy. He is more sportive and likes to motivate me by telling me what kinds of mistakes I make but that drags me down.
I am writing a new thread about this.

I do join him in his hobbies though.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'll make tea said:


> I am pregnant and cannot jog with him but I know what you are talking about.
> 
> I definetly try to like my husbands hobbies and sometimes they turn out to be fun if you give them a try.


In general, when you love someone......it doesn't matter what you do, what matter is that you are with them.

In time, ANYTHING will become enjoyable.

There is a LONG list of things that my wife hated and in time , ended up loving.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The only way to tell for sure is to ask him.
> It's great you got a loyal type for a husband but if you're mismatched what good is loyal...not even sure if he's happy and don't think he could be responsible for that himself?
> I think that would make me depressed if I were him. Along with a spouse who even remotely speculates that I might think myself unintelligent or unlikeable. Did you not check out his self-esteem when you checked out his personality profile? Or did you just shoot for loyal and that was good enough for your purposes in a love match?
> 
> ...


Cannot ask him because he does not answer that kind of questions truthfully.

My husband does not really have depression, he is just on an antidepressant, long story to make it short he is a Vet and he basically has hypervigiliance and trouble sleeping and he does not like crowds and he thought it would help him lighten up a bit.
We cannot say if it works now because it needs some time to kick in.

I don't see it as my job to fix him. I want to make sure that I know if he needs my help with something.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

DoF said:


> In general, when you love someone......it doesn't matter what you do, what matter is that you are with them.
> 
> In time, ANYTHING will become enjoyable.
> 
> There is a LONG list of things that my wife hated and in time , ended up loving.


Is there a list just as long of things you hated and ended up loving because you did them for your wife


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> Cannot ask him because he does not answer that kind of questions truthfully.
> 
> ...
> 
> I don't see it as my job to fix him. I want to make sure that I know if he needs my help with something.


Not answering truthfully is a relationship issue. Not a happiness issue. You cannot get a truth out of him and he cannot reveal it to you. So in your marriage/home there are these 'ghosts' that live with you. 

If I need help with something I would ask. If you keep asking someone if they need help, it's a way of telling them that you don't think they are coping, that you think they are insufficient in some way, and lacking/needing of help. It's subtle but it does have that effect and the effect is not so subtle. 

My opinion is that grown adults can and will ask for help if and when they decide they need it. Not every problem needs to be prevented, some problems can be allowed to emerge so that the full extent of them can be seen/experienced and then managed, by the individual who owns it. There's nothing so imperfect as someone who wants to make everything perfect, because nothing can be that way, ever. 

Happy is not a state of being. It is something that you set aside time to do in your life and you do it. A relationship cannot make you happy, a job cannot make you happy, you cannot be made happy in one way or another. You can be made miserable by badgering but you cannot be made happy.


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## stuckinboston (Jul 28, 2010)

FWIW, as a fairly strong introvert, I rarely think "God I wish I was more extroverted." It's more a matter of thinking "God, I wish more of humanity was introverted so people would leave me alone when I want to be left alone."

Wanting alone time is not a sign of unhappiness in introverts, it's just a sign of introversion. It's normal. It's way easy for us to deal with; extroverts' reactions to it tend to be more difficult for us to comprehend, because they approach it from the perspective of us being somehow broken.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Im a full blown introvert in my later years. I think it's just fine to be that way and if I was unhappy I would change it. 
95% of my world takes place in my head and thats okay. I explain it to other folks as "I do fine as an actor, but supporting actor is where I really shine."

Introverts are very good people, often having thought many things through that some people have never given a second glace to. The majority of scientists and researchers are introverts as are poets, philosophers and mathematicians.

Introverts like myself like to delve into anything below the surface and master crafting for fun.

The key to ANYONE being happy is that they accept their nature.
The key to making ANYONE happy is to accept their nature.

Just love us and let us do our thing.

LOVE people watching too...


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

Introverts have a vivid, interesting, and active THOUGHT life, as opposed to a vivid, interesting and active SOCIAL life. Take this from a confirmed introvert - it is not a sad life, and rarely lonely. Social stuff can actually feel like an intrusion sometimes - dragging me away from the more absorbing things going on in my own head. 

Introverts can also make really great spouses, because they prefer a few deep relationships instead of many more casual ones. My husband is also an introvert, and it can be really nice to be on the receiving end of such single-minded devotion.


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## stuckinboston (Jul 28, 2010)

Faeleaf said:


> Introverts have a vivid, interesting, and active THOUGHT life, as opposed to a vivid, interesting and active SOCIAL life. Take this from a confirmed introvert - it is not a sad life, and rarely lonely. Social stuff can actually feel like an intrusion sometimes - dragging me away from the more absorbing things going on in my own head.
> 
> Introverts can also make really great spouses, because they prefer a few deep relationships instead of many more casual ones. My husband is also an introvert, and it can be really nice to be on the receiving end of such single-minded devotion.


Don't forget a vivid, interesting and active online life. Sounds funny, but I like conversing with people via the written word than face-to-face.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

stuckinboston said:


> Don't forget a vivid, interesting and active online life. Sounds funny, but I like conversing with people via the written word than face-to-face.


I totally agree with that. In real life, I avoid social interaction that's face-to-face as much as I possibly can. It's exhausting and takes too much time for me to recover from. But online? Not a problem.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

Openminded said:


> I totally agree with that. In real life, I avoid social interaction that's face-to-face as much as I possibly can. It's exhausting and takes too much time for me to recover from. But online? Not a problem.


I'll third all of this. I absolutely prefer the less-stressing online interactions. A great many of my RL friends started out as online-only interactions. 

In fact, my husband and I met each other online - not at a dating website or anything like that. We were co-admins for a writing website that provided free editing tips for amateur writers. Lots of emails and IM's gradually became phone calls, and then visits...and then a proposal! But I'm sure we never would have gotten close at all if we hadn't started that online.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'm introverted and when I encounter people who spend a majority of their time talking to others or being chatty or seeking social venues, in my mind I'm usually thinking how much longer they can avoid just hunkering down and doing some work and maybe taking care of their housekeeping or balance their checkbook or something like that. It amazes me that people can get anything done while being an extrovert. And I feel sorry that extroverts have to eventually hunker down and be by themselves to do some things in life that need to be done. I wonder if they are lonely when they are alone, and if they might suffer. But I don't spend too much time thinking about this, I figure if someone is suffering then they'll figure out on their own how to get resolution, or ask someone professional for help in getting through their own angst.

If I want to do something social I go do it, there is a huge difference between being introverted and being an asocial or antisocial recluse who dislikes people.

It never occurred to me to wonder what's "wrong" with me and to wish I were more like other people who are chatty and like to be social all the time. Usually like the other introvert who stated this, I would like the chatty person to go away after I've had my fill of them (usually about 10 minutes tops) so I can get on with whatever it is I was doing.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I am very much like your hubs. I could stay at home over going to parties... I'd happily excersize on my own. I entertain myself with social media, but mostly my main entertainment is single one-person stuff... (reading novels, playing solitaire, sudoku, gardening... )

I think you just need to accept that there are people out there in the world that are very much content with NOT being the "life of the party"... that are simply put, not social butterflies.

You don't need to feel sorry for them or worry that they are too lonely. But that doesn't mean to leave them out of things all the time either.... and don't force them into uncomfortable social situations too often.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

I'll Make Tea, everyone here has described introverts to a T. I heartily concur with everything everyone's said. I also wanted to throw in something of my own.

I've been an introvert all my life. My mom and sisters are extroverts; my father's an introvert as well. Mom and sisters often felt I was not being truthful when I told them nothing was wrong when I was either sitting there quietly or off reading a book. They would continually ask me, "Are you okay?" "Is there something I can do for you?" "Why are you sitting by yourself?" The subtle message was, "You're being an antisocial jerk." (And yes, Mom nagged Dad about this, too, for years.) It took me decades to learn there's nothing wrong with being an introvert ... and my sisters and Mom are only starting to learn this. 

I'll give you an example. Recently, while my family and I were at an amusement park, I walked away a few yards to regroup (my "batteries" were running low). My father has done the same thing for years. When my mom asked me later if I was okay, I told her I was; I just needed a bit of alone time. There wasn't a room there I could walk into and close the door.

Mom said she'd recently realized that's why my dad does the same thing. He's not walking away because he's upset or antisocial — he's doing it to recharge *his* batteries. (It only took her 40+ years of marriage to figure that out — but better late than never!) She said she also realized that if something's wrong, I will tell her.

The point? Yes, it is possible to enjoy solitary activities as much as your husband does. We introverts can be social if the situation demands it, but we *prefer* not to be. That's who your husband is, and you cannot — nor will you — change him.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I would also point out that being an introvert or extrovert is as intrinsic and immutable a quality as being male or female. While I can appreciate and respect an introvert's need for quiet solitude, I will never understand why they would spend their lives in what amounts to time-out forever. Likewise, while I can appreciate and respect men, I'll never understand the glee that comes from writing one's name in the snow or the apparently unique pain of getting hit in the balls.

Like Homemaker Numero Uno said, I'm sure introverts look at extroverts like me and wonder how I get anything accomplished between conversations and engagements. Probably the same way men will never understand the angst and trauma of shopping for a swimsuit :rofl:

Neither is good or bad, just a fundamental part of how we relate to the world.


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## stuckinboston (Jul 28, 2010)

Also there's more than just a binary introversion/extroversion comparison. That's a fairly simplistic dichotomy that takes into account how we react or gain/lose energy in group situations. I recommend anyone interested read up on Meyers-Briggs personality types. It's a framework - not an astrology lesson - but if you go beyond the surface-level stuff (OMG I'm a Nutty Professor type LOLOL) and read up on how the different elements of our psychological stack interact with each other and define how we interpret the world around us, you can get some good insight into why people tend to act the way they do.

For instance, I'm an INTP - Introverted - Intuitive - Thinking - Perceiving (I'm a The Thinker type LOLOL... bah). Reading up on some decent books both on the psychological theory behind MBTI typology and the INTP specifically has helped me understand why I respond to situations and stimuli the way I do. It's also helped me focus in on some problems with how I act.

Now, again, too many people take this stuff like pop astrology, so take these things with a grain of salt and as much deep research as you're willing to expend, but it could help the OP understand people different from her.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

stuckinboston said:


> FWIW, as a fairly strong introvert, I rarely think "God I wish I was more extroverted." *It's more a matter of thinking "God, I wish more of humanity was introverted so people would leave me alone when I want to be left alone."*
> 
> *Wanting alone time is not a sign of unhappiness in introverts, it's just a sign of introversion. It's normal. It's way easy for us to deal with; extroverts' reactions to it tend to be more difficult for us to comprehend, because they approach it from the perspective of us being somehow broken*.


This makes me think of this 3 minute you tube video.. take a moment.. it explains it well...

Introvert vs. Extrovert Conversation


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

stuckinboston said:


> and read up on how the different elements of our psychological stack interact with each other and define how we interpret the world around us, you can get some good insight into why people tend to act the way they do.
> 
> For instance, I'm an INTP - Introverted - Intuitive - Thinking - Perceiving (I'm a The Thinker type LOLOL... bah). Reading up on some decent books both on the psychological theory behind MBTI typology and the INTP specifically has helped me understand why I respond to situations and stimuli the way I do. It's also helped me focus in on some problems with how I act.


 I have a # of temperament books...and it does help us understand why we act and THINK as we do, the weaknesses we struggle with and what comes more naturally... it could even help people to be careful not to mesh with others due to those very different differences that could drive them a little crazy...

Here is a couple tests to for those *16 Temperament /Personality Types*, 

*1.* Jung Typology Test  (relatively short & thorough -gives you a breakdown at the end)

*2. *  The Gray-Wheelwright-Winer 4-letter Type Indicator Test  (more serious test)


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## stuckinboston (Jul 28, 2010)

@SimplyAmorous, I'd never seen the Gray-Weelwright test before. Same result for me - INTP. 
E/I score	S/N score	T/F score	J/P score
E = 1	S = 6	T = 16	J = 3
I = 9	N = 14	F = 4	P = 17

Do you perchance have a link that details how this methodology is different than Jung/MBTI?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

stuckinboston said:


> @SimplyAmorous, I'd never seen the Gray-Weelwright test before. Same result for me - INTP.
> E/I score	S/N score	T/F score	J/P score
> E = 1	S = 6	T = 16	J = 3
> I = 9	N = 14	F = 4	P = 17
> ...


I'm not this bright.. . I just take the tests.. but never focused on the different methods, you might say....probably easily googled ?? I took that snippet from a thread I did on temperaments... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ments-our-spouses-better-understand-them.html..

Then there are these 4 too...and a test for that...

* "Sanguine" - "Choleric" - "Melancholy" - "Phlegmatic" Tests * 

Personality Score Sheet  (this one needs printed - a page for the Strength's & a page for the Weaknesses of each -then adding the scoring at the end) 

***** Or here : the same thing -without printing it but figuring online Personality Test 









***********************************


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> Thanks a lot!
> Do any of you guys happen to be that kind of introverted? Do you really feel like social interaction is stealing you energy?


ME ME ME ME ME ME I avoid parties, social events, any gathering where I know people like the plague. My wife doesn't even ask, but I will ablige and do some of them.

I prefer parties or events where I know NO ONE I don't like being around people I know accept my wife and kids. I don't any activity where I am the spotlight! 

I go to eat alone regularly, workout alone, prefer to be alone and if I go to a party I prefer to just know my wife.

Always been that way I'm sure there is a diagnosis I know it's not normal, but at 40 now I know it was how I'm made.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> I wonder if he is "burdened" by that. Deep down in his heart does he think "Oh, I wish, my wife would go jogging with me... *and I wish I was more extroverted so I would be the heart of every party... and I wish I could go places more easily"*?
> 
> Or does he rather think "I don't mind being afraid of going places with my family at all because I don't like it anyway"?


Speaking as an introvert, I would only wish I were more extroverted if people sent me the message that there is something wrong with being introverted, that it is in some way deficient in the personality department. Wait a minute--the extroverted SOB's do that every day, don't they?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OhGeesh said:


> ME ME ME ME ME ME I avoid parties, social events, any gathering where I know people like the plague. My wife doesn't even ask, but I will ablige and do some of them.
> 
> I prefer parties or events where I know NO ONE I don't like being around people I know accept my wife and kids. I don't any activity where I am the spotlight!
> 
> ...


And I used to think my H was bad... as he is content sitting by the exit sign and listening to everyone else talk.. He is an extrovert next to you OhGeesh!

The personality that needs no social interaction at all is referred to as a Schizoid...since you enjoy your wife & kids -this can be ruled out..


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## VixNz (Jun 22, 2015)

I Know this is a pretty old thread but I'm an extreme introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I don't enjoy being with or around people other then my hubby and kids.(sometimes!)

It seems to be causing "issues" between us...Though really...I'm not sure since he doesn't really say. We're not great communicators.

All he really says is that i have a bad attitude. I do. I get grumpy when people are around and my routine is messed with. I'll usually shut myself in my room and read or even just sit in peace.

I dont think he understands how much it all bothers me.
But I don't understand why he loves and wants to be social.


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