# Coping with wayward spouse.....



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Hi all, Jadiel here. First time post. I recently have come into some marital problems and in my searchign the internet for answers I have discovered this place. 

I could write a book on all this, but I'll try to keep it brief. About two weeks ago, I was for some reason overcome with suspicion. I'd had this guy feeling for a while, altho I don't know where it came from, but I finally felt the need to check her phone. Probably a low thign to do, but then I discovered I had a reason to. There was this guy she works with that she was exchanging lots of dirty texts with. It was mostly him sending, and her reciprocating some, but mostly him. Stuff like "I wanna do this to you" and "send me nude pictures" and stuff...

I confronted her, she assured me that while it was inappropriate and she's sorry, she never meant for anything to happen with him, nothing ever did happen and nothing ever would. I believed her. 

Then I asked, rhetorically, if there was anything else i needed to know, and that's when she drops the bombshell. A few months ago, at a party, she hooked up with some guy and went all the way. She swears she's sorry and swears she'll never do it again. 

But I'm just overcome with a storm of emotions at this point. I have emotional problems anyway, and now I just feel crushed. Some days I'm hurt and sad and I cry a lot. Some days I'm angry and bitter and feel like shouting expletives. Some days I feel like I'm the village idiot.

We had a trusting relationship for a long time. I saw how possessive other guys were with their wives or girlfriends and saw how they were almost encouraging them to cheat by keeping them prisoner. So I always allowed my wife to go out, alone, to see her friends, at the bar or whereever, because I trusted her to do the right thing. I even let her spend the night at a male friends house once because she was too drunk to drive, and I trusted her then. 

And then this thing happens. And it wasn't evne that she was drunk. I could possibly get over it easier if she had just passed out on a bed and some guy came in and went for it. But she was flirting with him all night, and actually drove to his house later on in the night to have this fling.

I feel like she chose him over me that night. I'm far from a perfect husband, but I've never cheated on her, and no matter what my mistakes are she is still my wife and she made a promise to me that she wouldn't do this with anyone else but me when we got married. She wiped her butt with our marriage. 

Now I don't know if I feel stupid or in love. I don't want to leave her, and in some ways we feel closer than before because we have a whole new appreciation for each other. 

We've been having sex quite regularly since I discovered, and even that seems spoiled now. I keep seeing her with him. Every way I touch or kiss her, he's touching and kissing her. And I feel like we're just using sex for the good feelings and to avoid our problems...I don't know if thats healthy or not.

I just want to move on and forget but I can't, and I'm afraid that if she knows how bad it really is for me; all the hurt and anger and betrayal, she'll just give up and leave me. 

I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I'm asking, but I just needed someone to talk to who wasn't one of my friends saying "leave her!" or one of her friends who's probably helping cover up some other lie, or at the very least just tell me what I want to hear to make me feel better. 

Thank you if you read all that! I appreciate it.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

You have rugswept her affair and not able to come to terms with it.
On discovering , you should have done many things like , knowing full truth, say marriage is on probation etc.
Seek the help of your doctor first.
Read the link "newly betrayed" under a member called AlmostRecovered.
How old is hour marriage?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry this happened.

It totally sucks. 

You have to get rid of your fear of losing her. She should fear losing you, since she is the one who fvcked up. 

If you truly want to be with her, tell her she must end all contact with the sexting co-worker, and the guy she had sex with. (Do you know him?) She must be transparent and show you her phone and block their #s and account for where she is and when. 

Blind trust is never a good thing which you have learned now (I know, I used to be the same way). 

Get tested for STDs (both of you).

If she refuses to end contact wtih these guys, be done with her. Or you could just walk now.

Hard consequences are the only things that work with a cheater.


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## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

If you have no children , divorce is the best solution.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Well I don't know about rugswept...We've talked about it as much as we can, but I don't know if there's more to say without it just being "Let me throw this back in your face". 

How do I come to terms with it? 

We had just celebrated our 4th anniversary when I found out. 

And unfortunately, there are two children. One is hers from a previous relationship, and one is ours.


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Y
> Read the link "newly betrayed" under a member called AlmostRecovered.


I'm sorry that you're here, Jadiel. I cannot stress enough the importance of the post above. That's your starting point in finding your way from this point.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Well I don't know about rugswept...We've talked about it as much as we can, but I don't know if there's more to say without it just being "Let me throw this back in your face".
> 
> How do I come to terms with it?
> 
> ...


IMO, the first thing you need to do is to realize (both you and she) that you are NEVER going to come to terms with it.

Cheating is a huge betrayal of trust, and once done can never be taken away. 

The second thing you need to do is to decide if you can live without being able to come to terms with it, and always feeling the need to check up on her. 

As far as preventing someone from cheating by giving them freedom for girl's night out and girl's only vacations. 

I, too, feel for that hogwash. I was cheated on and those things used as a cover for it. 

But my more possessive friends, who had warned me, BTW, about giving my spouse too much freedom, have never been cheated on. 

There are also university studies that show that people who "mate guard" a nicer way of saying possessive and suspicious, are cheated on far less than those who don't. 

Cheating is both about lack of integrity as well as opportunity.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

So sorry you are here and going though this. Your on a emotional rollercoaster now. Hang in there, You will survive this but to really help you we need a few answers.

When did you discover this, i.e. when was Dday(discovery day)
When did she have the affair?
Have you checked phone records to make sure NC(no cantact) has been established?
Do you have access to her email?

There very well may be more affairs, sorry to say.

If you have emotional problems already, PLEASE make a Dr. appt ASAP...you are going to need some help. While there get tested for STD's.

The sex you are enjoying so much is called "hysterical bonding" very normal. But like angryandused said..you are rugsweeping this, which means your ignoring it, pushing it aside. THIS IS NOT healthy and will backfire. You must address her affair, deal with it, get some more details of it and any others.

You also need counsleing, this is a BIG deal do not rugsweep this.

This will probably get far worse before it gets better. Make that appt.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

BookOfJob said:


> I'm sorry that you're here, Jadiel. I cannot stress enough the importance of the post above. That's your starting point in finding your way from this point.


Thanks for the support guys. I really do want to see my doctor and possibly a counselor. 

I wish I could just pick a mood and stick with it. Either be angry enough to leave and be done with it, or love her enough to get past it. Some days I sit there justifying her like it's my fault, because of all the mistakes I've made. Then I get angry, because screw that. We swore solemn vows to each other that basically, to me anyway, said "I will not leave you no matter how much you annoy me sometimes, and I will never, ever do what we do in our bedroom with ANYONE ELSE." 


I keep getting hung up on the stupid details too. Was this guy any good? She says no, of course she says that! How far did the texting go? There were no pictures being sent, she says. Maybe there were. Maybe she was doing the whole cybersex thing with him. I dont even know if those things matter. 

And I don't know how far to push this. I don't know when to keep it bottled up inside and when to open up and talk to her. The general consensus from a lot of people is that "oooh, the cheater is evil and must pay!" I don't want her to "pay"! And I hate that every time I just want to talk about it I'm opening up her guilt all over again. And she should feel guilty. But not too guilty! Because like I said...I'm afraid if ever sees how bad it really is for me, she'll leave just because I can't get over it. I really want us to be together. Not because its whats best for the kids or the family but because I love her. I really do.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Sorry you are dealing with this issue. Can you two go to MC it might help?


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

betrayed1 said:


> So sorry you are here and going though this. Your on a emotional rollercoaster now. Hang in there, You will survive this but to really help you we need a few answers.
> 
> When did you discover this, i.e. when was Dday(discovery day)
> When did she have the affair?
> ...


DDay = September 28th of this year. 
The affair was a few months before that. 2-3? 
I have access to her phone, e-mail and facebook. I routinely check all 3, but so far there's been nothing else. No contact with the cheatee, no contact outside of work with the text-guy. I told her she has to fire him, which she can't really, but she's no longer working with him on shift.

I do need a counselor...I know that. I guess being already emotionally damaged the way I am...I have no idea how not to rugsweep this. I don't know the right way to handle it. I don't know if its right for me to call her names, or sit there every night when she gets home from work and cry with her, or go have a revenge affair, or go beat the crap out of this guy, or what. Part of me feels like I should just get over this.

Here's the kicker that I left off: When we first met, back in 03, it was instant chemistry. We were both with other people though, albeit miserably. I got a divorce, and she stayed with her guy (kids father), and then we started seeing each other on the side. Should've been a red flag. 

Especially when, after she broke it off to get back with kids father, a year later the split up, she got with another new guy, then also was seeing me on the side again. You'd think I'd learn? 

Then we were together for one year, and got married. Have been for 4 years. I always thought everything was fine, except were growing apart a tiny bit. The occasional night of her going out with her friends and me playing Warcraft became a regular thing. She was going out thursday, friday, saturday, and i was playing WoW all night. But we never fought, there never seemed to be any problems beyond your typical marital annoyances. Cap off the toothpaste and stuff like that. 

I feel like such a moron.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You may not want her to "pay" but realize, there must be consequences for her actions, if not, then you are telling her you are just fine with what she did. 

And you're not. And you are justified in that feeling.

Has she been remorseful? How is she acting now? Do you know the guy she slept with? Has she offered to delete/block contact with theswe men? 

If she leaves because you "cannot get over it" then she is doing you a favor. She messed up, so she needs to fix what she broke. You are not responsible for her cheating. She is. You own what YOU have done, not what she's done. Make that clear to her. 

And your emotions being all over the place are completely normal. I think you shoudl tell her what's onyour mind, just not any of that "Don't leaaave me" cause it's NOT attractive. A man who respects himself would never do that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Here's the kicker that I left off: When we first met, back in 03, it was instant chemistry. We were both with other people though, albeit miserably. I got a divorce, and she stayed with her guy (kids father), and then we started seeing each other on the side. Should've been a red flag.
> 
> Especially when, after she broke it off to get back with kids father, a year later the split up, she got with another new guy, then also was seeing me on the side again. You'd think I'd learn?
> 
> She was going out thursday, friday, saturday, and i was playing WoW all night.


Ouch. Yeah. She's a serial cheater. Sorry to say but that is the worst kind.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You may not want her to "pay" but realize, there must be consequences for her actions, if not, then you are telling her you are just fine with what she did.
> 
> And you're not. And you are justified in that feeling.
> 
> ...


She seems genuinely remorseful. I've interrogated as much I can and she swears there was never anything else. She says guys always hit on her at the bar and she ALWAYS turns them down. 

She knows this guy. He's the lead singer of a local band. He's "super cool" and all that. They're nt really good friends, just mutual acquaintances. 

This guy has slept with like every girl I know, including about half my exes now. I dunno whats up. Part of me feels like I'm in good company! Honestly its a major blow to my self esteem. This guy is smart, I'm really not. This guy is "hot and sexy". She insists I am too, but I know I'm not. He looks like I want to look. He does what I want to do for a living, better than I ever good in my wildest dreams. He acts the way I wish I could act around pretty girls.

She says it was nothing against me and she wasn't looking for something she couldn't get at home, but it seems almost obvious that she was. He's all the things I think she wishes I could be. 

And now I just don't know anything though. My heart tells me she really does love me and she just made a mistake, because I contributed to putting her in that position. My heart tells me she is being truthful. My brain says screw that. 

But I still wonder...it was common for her on a bar night to be out until 2-3 am, bars close at 1. Because she was giving someone a ride home or hanging out with someone. And she always told me! "Sorry I'm late but Scott needed a ride home, and it's like 30 miles away." Now I wonder what else Scott got besides a ride home. And of course, if something did happen, why the heck did she even tell me she was with Scott, and not Mandy or Susan or something. 

Well, in any case, I've left a message with the doctor, hopefully they call back soon. I want to see my regular doc as well as a counselor. Councilor? I don't know.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am sorry you are here but you need to stop trying to sweep this under the rug. What she has done is a big violation of trust and I doubt that you have the whole story. When they are caught and confess they only confess to what they thnk they have to get by telling you.

You need to talk this out and in MC. As far as sex goes I am sure she told you they had proteted sex. First of all most A hook ups are bareback. Second how can you trust anything she tells you right now. The two of you need to be checked for STD's and the results, written results or straight from the DR's mouth to your ears needs to be given.

As far as your emotions that is so normal as well as the mind movies. MC will help. Has she given you access to her email accounts, FB, Cell Phone?

As far as the guy at work well she has had at least an EA with her and he either needs to leave the company or your wife has to and right now.

Your wife will not stop having EA's and maybe even PA's unless she thinks she risks losing you.

Read up on the 180 right away


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

mahike said:


> Read up on the 180 right away


I'm sorry I don't know what that means....


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

By the way you need to look for new email accounts, when caught it usually goes deeper before it stops. Get a keylogger for the home computer.

By the way why does your wife go to bars without you? That has to stop today!


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

mahike said:


> By the way you need to look for new email accounts, when caught it usually goes deeper before it stops. Get a keylogger for the home computer.
> 
> By the way why does your wife go to bars without you? That has to stop today!


Because I trusted her, and I'm not much of a barfly. I honestly never thought there would be something wrong with it. I believed that if I trusted her, as she's trusted me on my boy's nights out, that she would make the same decisions I did. As in "No, I'm married. See the ring?"  

I guess I didn't see the trap we were falling into.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Sorry for spamming all these random messages...I think in retrospect I have been too "easy" on her. I've even been keeping up with the constant sex because I feel like if I don't satisfy her she'll go elsewhere. 

Maybe I need her to prove her love to me again. Prove that she won't go get it when she's not getting it at home. Prove she won't start in with the dirty texts when she's not getting them from me. Prove she's willing to do whatever it takes, including comforting me each and every night that I feel like crying into her shirt because she hurt me so badly....

On the other hand, I read that like 80% of couples cheat, and I know she's a cheater, so what do I honestly even have to be upset about? I might as well be upset to discover that, hey, smoking cigarettes causes lung cancer!

Edit: She hardly ever uses the computer, and isn't nearly saavy enough to hide anything from me on it. I'm by no means a wizard, but I know my way around. The only problem I sometimes have is accessing her phone...I could just ask her for it, but if she KNOWS i'm constantly checking it then she'd just cover her tracks better. 

I don't even think she'll do this again. But part of me is wanting to discover some text between her and a friend that's like "I told finally told him." "Dd you tell him EVERYTHING?" "Well no...." 

It's hard. Anything positive I find could just be a lie, so like the only real prove is more negativity.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

So she has cheated in every relationship she has been in. She is a serial cheater. And you were the cheater in your first marriage. I don't see this ending well.

Studies show that the odds of two cheater living happily ever after are about 3%.

You spending 3 nights a week glued to a computer screen while she is out partying alone with other guys is a perfect set up for ONSs and longer affairs. You both were spending almost half of your free time with other people anyway. You might have thought it was a good marriage but it is definitely not a healthy marriage.

You both need extensive counseling and STD tests.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> So she has cheated in every relationship she has been in. She is a serial cheater. And you were the cheater in your first marriage. I don't see this ending well.


Correction: I am NOT a cheater, I have never cheated. I was divorced when we hooked up. Granted, I was the cheatee....so in some ways this is maybe just karma.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Correction: I am NOT a cheater, I have never cheated. I was divorced when we hooked up. Granted, I was the cheatee....so in some ways this is maybe just karma.


Sorry - I thought you said you were both in bad relationships when you first met and hook up.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Edit: She hardly ever uses the computer, and isn't nearly saavy enough to hide anything from me on it. I'm by no means a wizard, but I know my way around. The only problem I sometimes have is accessing her phone...I could just ask her for it, but if she KNOWS i'm constantly checking it then she'd just cover her tracks better.


What type phone?


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Sorry - I thought you said you were both in bad relationships when you first met and hook up.


We were both in a bad relationship when we met. And I believe there was instant attraction, but we, at laest I never acted on it, because I was married. Even if my first wife was a dirty no good expletive, I don't cheat. My dad cheated on my mom left and right, my mom cheated on my dad, they had major issues, and I just can't do that to anyone. 

To me that's the whole point of marriage. The ring symbolizes "I promise I will not have sex with anyone else." Among other things, but sex is a core factor to marriage.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> What type phone?


I don't know the brand...I know its expensive and has a rubber case around it to help protect from drops. And she can do almost anything internet related on it. The only thing I'm not sure how to check is her browser history, because it doesn't show dates and times on it. Not that there's anything royally incriminating in there anyway.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> On the other hand, I read that like 80% of couples cheat


I don't believe this statistic but even if you do, your marriage is not a statistic. There are thousands of members here who do not cheat. Please don't use a statistic to justify her cheating.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Sorry for spamming all these random messages...I think in retrospect I have been too "easy" on her. I've even been keeping up with the constant sex because I feel like if I don't satisfy her she'll go elsewhere.
> 
> Maybe I need her to prove her love to me again. Prove that she won't go get it when she's not getting it at home. Prove she won't start in with the dirty texts when she's not getting them from me. Prove she's willing to do whatever it takes, including comforting me each and every night that I feel like crying into her shirt because she hurt me so badly....
> 
> ...


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

You are too scared of her leaving you, you should face this fear head on, else she wont respect you or your marriage. Stop crying infront of her, it shows how weak you are........

She is a serial cheater, she cheated in her all relationships how can you expect her to be faithful to you?

I think she cheated on you during all her GNOs


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Sept 28th..WOW, you are very early into this. Right now you are NOT going to know what to do. What you have to do is get some counseling going, see that Dr. and figure out what YOU want to do. 

I think like othes here, she is a serial cheater, she probably has several more bombs to drop on you 

Do you have access to her phone records, her online mobile account? Get that access and you can start looking at the numbers used. This, she cannot hide, or delete. Certain numbers will stick out, the ones that are called often, or the ones that were used in the 1-2am area...start doing some PI work. You really need to know what you are up against!

I feel for you this early in, it's a constant non stop nightmare. Your emotions WILL be everywhere, you will be angry, sad, want sex, don't want sex, and also looking to her for comfort, all normal. But YOU still need to decide what you want to do. You need some free time to think!

I'm sorry to say you have your hands full with this one. hang in there, one thing for sure is..YOU will survive this, you will get through it. Time is your friend.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Correction: I am NOT a cheater, I have never cheated. I was divorced when we hooked up. Granted, I was the cheatee....so in some ways this is maybe just karma.


If she was still with the father of her child, when you two hooked up, then you are the OM in her affair. Jadiel, I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is a serial cheater and serial cheaters almost NEVER stop. Sure she feels remorseful, NOW, but sooner or later , she will get the urge and it will happen again.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Emerald said:


> I don't believe this statistic but even if you do, your marriage is not a statistic. There are thousands of members here who do not cheat. Please don't use a statistic to justify her cheating.


I agree

The stat is anywhere from 20 precent to 50 percent based on MC reports and studies involving anonymous affairs reports. 

The study originators also speculate that the high end may actually be an outlier because many men boast of cheating and also young women seem to be doing a lot of boasting about cheating lately too, due to relaxed standards for cheating women in society.

There are also studies supporting the notion of a cheater's gene and a monogamy gene, and speculation is it is related to levels of various bonding hormones.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You can find the link to the 180 on this site. I know it is difficult but do not worry about her leaving. She has to be remorseful and she has to worry about you leaving

About the phone do you have access to the bill can you see who she is texting and calling.

No more trips to the bar with out you. She is a married woman she does not need to do this on a regular basis at all. Also no girls nights out.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Jadiel said:


> There was this guy she works with that she was exchanging lots of dirty texts with. It was mostly him sending, and her reciprocating some, but mostly him. Stuff like "I wanna do this to you" and "send me nude pictures" and stuff...
> I confronted her, she assured me that while it was inappropriate and she's sorry, she never meant for anything to happen with him, *nothing ever did happen and nothing ever would*. I believed her. .





> Then I asked, rhetorically, if there was anything else i needed to know, and that's when she drops the bombshell. A few months ago, at a party, she hooked up with some guy and went all the way. She swears she's sorry and *swears she'll never do it again.* .


Obviously she’s a liar, she basically cheated twice and is going to stop now because you caught her?

Dude, she is going to cheat again, it’s a matter of when. She has no motivation to stop because now she knows you won’t do anything about it. She disrespected you and showed you she has little to no morals when it comes to marriage, do you want a wife like that? Serial cheater don’t stop because they get caught.

This will never go away and odds are its going to happen again. Maybe not tomorrow but in a couple of years don’t be surprised if you are back here posting again. She is not wife material; it would be in your best interest long term to end things. As hard as D is, it would be easier than staying. You haven’t hit the anger stage yet but you need to. That usually happens when you realize it’s all her fault and she is not the woman you thought she was. 



> I've even been keeping up with the constant sex because I feel like if I don't satisfy her she'll go elsewhere.


You are trying to reward her for cheating? What kind of message do you think this is sending her?
Don’t blame yourself for her problems and don’t try to compete with the OMs.

You are still in denial about your situation; hopefully you get past that soon.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

mahike said:


> You can find the link to the 180 on this site. I know it is difficult but do not worry about her leaving. She has to be remorseful and she has to worry about you leaving
> 
> About the phone do you have access to the bill can you see who she is texting and calling.


I can access the account online, if that helps. The paper bills go to her mother's house (there's like 6 phones all on this plan or osomething)...I did go into the website and look through it, but I cant really find anything definite. I had thought there'd be a record of every text ever sent, but I can't see em.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

You are about to enter Hell. I'm here. Survivors tell me there is a brighter future on the other side of recovery but I'm not there yet to bear witness. I only know that the pain of Dday was horrific and yet the death by a thousand cuts of recovery is the same. I struggle daily with sadness and pain that scratches at me. Therapy helps but it can't make this go away. I think it's the realization, the abandonment, the fear all rolled into one. It sucks. 

Trying to piece it all back together is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not doing it well either. Some days I love him,some days I hate him but the worst part is knowing that I loved him in a way he could never love me in return. Unconditional and pure and I haven't experienced that in return from him and it's heartbreaking. 

Even if I could switch places and let him experience what it feels like to be broken open by infidelity I wouldn't....and that's the source. 

If you don't have children, set yourself free....... it's got to be better than this.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Well Children are a pretty big part of it...we have a little girl who just turned 4, and a little boy (hers from previous marriage) who is 8, and has seen far too much drama for an 8 year old boy already  

Half of what gets so hard is trying to be a rock for him. I don't want him to see me cry or know I'm feeling hurt. Quite by accident, he has discovered the gist of whats going on and even that is killing me. Poor guy


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

mahike said:


> You can find the link to the 180 on this site. I know it is difficult but do not worry about her leaving. She has to be remorseful and she has to worry about you leaving


You must think me an idiot by now, and I found out what the 180 basically is, but I really can't find it


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Well Children are a pretty big part of it...we have a little girl who just turned 4, and a little boy (hers from previous marriage) who is 8, and has seen far too much drama for an 8 year old boy already
> 
> Half of what gets so hard is trying to be a rock for him. I don't want him to see me cry or know I'm feeling hurt. Quite by accident, he has discovered the gist of whats going on and even that is killing me. Poor guy



Oh that's horrible, he's so young..... trying to hide your pain is hard. It's a terrible struggle to be so scared and need to cry but can't. Try to find your quiet place to let it out. I know it sounds all new age but it's good to cry. 

It is hard to hold it together for them,especially when your partner didn't factor them in when she decided to chuck it all...... it's a shame all the way around. 

I'm sad to see us all where for our various reasons. I hope you can be strong.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> I can access the account online, if that helps. The paper bills go to her mother's house (there's like 6 phones all on this plan or osomething)...I did go into the website and look through it, but I cant really find anything definite. I had thought there'd be a record of every text ever sent, but I can't see em.


OK so she is using a phone that is on a family plan (her parents) I would tell her I need to see all the bill details and now for the last 6 months and every month going forward. If she refuses tell her it is a deal breaker and get out. You have to be tough. The bill will show who sent the text or who she sent it to but not the content.

She could be using an internet message service like yahoo or aol IM and there will be no record on the phone bill either.

I am sorry the 180 links were taken down here. Googel 180 and marriage you will find the sturff.

You need to be tough on her if you want to R. Full disclosure,phone emails FB. No more bars that is done she is a Mom. Access to FB and email accounts. You review all cell bills. She is also going to have to leave the job I would call her employer and tell them about the other mans texting.

Also you need to expose your family and hers need to know and you need to tell the OM's significant other and or family.

Your wife needs to be the kiss up to you right now. You need to be a bit of a tough guy a hole. No screaming, or hitting but tough.

Also what I told you earlier. You both go to the Dr tomorrow for an STD test. Full disclosure

Be tough and be there for the kids. Get into MC right away as well.


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