# secret porn watching



## tinker84 (May 13, 2013)

Hiya I'm new to this, didn't really want to do it but i have to get opinions, I'm gutted  
I've been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3 in august, a few months/a year ago i walked in on my husband mastabating watching porn on his computer. It made my stomach turn, more so i think because its not what i was expecting at 9 in the morning after doing the school run. 
I managed to tell him how it made me feel like i wasnt good enough, and he said it had nothing to do with me he did it because i wasn't there.
Then the other week i seen he'd downloaded another porn film but had the screen made really small like he was hiding it, i asked him about it and he said it was for us to watch one day, and said he wouldn't do it again. 
Then the other day i had a feeling he was watching porn again, so i did something i thought id never have to do, i checked his history on the computer, all 3 internet explorers and found loads and loads of porn sites, I've written them all down and now everyday i check it. i asked him the other day when the last time he watched porn was and he said ages ago but the history on the computer said he was looking at it yesterday!!!!!!, im really gutted he said he'd never lie to me but he has. i want to ask him about it but if i do will he keep looking and just delete his history so ill never know again? do i ask him or not???? Please help me someone. Thanks ray:


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

tinker84 said:


> Hiya I'm new to this, didn't really want to do it but i have to get opinions, I'm gutted
> I've been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3 in august, a few months/a year ago i walked in on my husband mastabating watching porn on his computer. It made my stomach turn, more so i think because its not what i was expecting at 9 in the morning after doing the school run.
> I managed to tell him how it made me feel like i wasnt good enough, and he said it had nothing to do with me he did it because i wasn't there.
> Then the other week i seen he'd downloaded another porn film but had the screen made really small like he was hiding it, i asked him about it and he said it was for us to watch one day, and said he wouldn't do it again.
> Then the other day i had a feeling he was watching porn again, so i did something i thought id never have to do, i checked his history on the computer, all 3 internet explorers and found loads and loads of porn sites, I've written them all down and now everyday i check it. i asked him the other day when the last time he watched porn was and he said ages ago but the history on the computer said he was looking at it yesterday!!!!!!, im really gutted he said he'd never lie to me but he has. i want to ask him about it but if i do will he keep looking and just delete his history so ill never know again? do i ask him or not???? Please help me someone. Thanks ray:


There are 2 similar threads in this section that deals with husbands watching porn. Hopefully it will guide you in the right direction with this issue. 
Last thing we need is another "my spouse is watching porn thread"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

It's ok not to comfortable with porn. Don't buy the all men do it in a marriage line. 

If it makes you uncomfortable and your husband has said he would stop then he should stop. There is also no excuse for lying in a marriage. Masturbation is one thing and is natural and normal, as long as it doesn't replace sex. However Internet porn is another, it has changed access to porn and causes a lot of problems in marriages. 

How is your sex life? Is he turning you down? Not paying you attention? How is the rest of the marriage?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

NewHubs said:


> There are 2 similar threads in this section that deals with husbands watching porn. Hopefully it will guide you in the right direction with this issue.
> Last thing we need is another "my spouse is watching porn thread"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Way to dismiss someone's feelings.

Last thing we need is another "my wife is cheating on me thread"... No that's right, people can post and ask advice specific to their situation and relationship. All the questions here have probably been asked be fore at one time or another. There are new posters every day, with new questions and new posters with different perspectives and advice.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Tinker get it out all in the open. Let him know how you feel and you will be hurt worse if he keeps lying to you about it. See if you both can come to some sort of compromise. Would you be ok with saying to him if you want to watch it we can do it together? That it hurts your feelings that he is doing this secretively. 
He maybe very ashamed that you found his dirty little secret. But just my opinion shaming him will be the worst response by you.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

He's a grown man, not a child. If he wants to watch porn, it's not for you to decide. He's not hurting anyone and it's not a form of cheating....unless he is cheating you out of having sex/ depriving you of sex.

You are his wife, not his mother. 

Talk to him about it, but in a more relaxed manner. Don't start with the trap of questioning him so he'll lie about it (because in his embarrassment of you asking him about it, he'll lie to escape that moment), start with,

_ "Look, I know you watch porn and I want to talk about this with you like adults. I know you love me, I just have some lingering questions and I want to understand and I don't want you to have to lie about this. I think we can discuss fantasies together, and possibly spice things up, within reason, to points that we are both comfortable with. Right now, I am not comfortable with this, but I love you and I want us to get to that comfortable point. I need for you to understand how I am feeling, and I need to understand this side of you.".
_

One day, maybe watch it together? Realizing it's only fantasy, not reality?

Is there a moral issue here? Is this a religious thing? Are you jealous of the women on screen? Is he not having sex with you? Talk to him about your HONEST feelings, not just that you don't like it...spit out real reasons. And listen to him too.

Maybe this is something you can do together, maybe not. At the very least, you should know that watching porn is very common and not some "gateway to an affair".

He's lying to you because he is embarrassed. You guys sound very immature about this stuff. He should be man enough to admit he watches, but you can't handle the truth and he doesn't want to keep letting you down.

Just my opinion. Hope you guys can work through this...I think it's pretty minor. Others are not so open minded as me and will assume it's an addiction. In all likely hood, it's not, and it's the sexual maturity of your relationship that makes him feel guilty and lie about it, and makes you feel jealous and insecure about it.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I would ask him "why do you watch this?" Tell him You will be glad to make his fantasies come true. "Is there something you watch that I do not do?"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Tinker get it out all in the open. Let him know how you feel and you will be hurt worse if he keeps lying to you about it. See if you both can come to some sort of compromise. Would you be ok with saying to him if you want to watch it we can do it together? That it hurts your feelings that he is doing this secretively.
> He maybe very ashamed that you found his dirty little secret. But just my opinion shaming him will be the worst response by you.





MrBrains said:


> I would ask him "why do you watch this?" Tell him You will be glad to make his fantasies come true. "Is there something you watch that I do not do?"


Totally agree with both of these. Sit him down and have a talk about it. Yes, tell him how you feel about it, but don't shame him. Shaming him is just more likely to get him to watch it more, but cover his tracks better. 

Did he know before you married that you didn't like porn? Was this subject ever discussed prior to you catching him? If you are adamantly against porn, tell him... but tell him WHY, not just a vague "I just don't like it" kind of answer. At the same time, listen to what he is saying to YOU. See if you can work out a compromise... for instance, play out fantasies together...possibly making videos for his eyes only, or photos, etc. But definitely talk about this together. 

I wish you luck!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Totally agree with both of these. Sit him down and have a talk about it. Yes, tell him how you feel about it, but don't shame him. Shaming him is just more likely to get him to watch it more, but cover his tracks better.
> 
> Did he know before you married that you didn't like porn? Was this subject ever discussed prior to you catching him? If you are adamantly against porn, tell him... but tell him WHY, not just a vague "I just don't like it" kind of answer. At the same time, listen to what he is saying to YOU. See if you can work out a compromise... for instance, play out fantasies together...possibly making videos for his eyes only, or photos, etc. But definitely talk about this together.
> 
> I wish you luck!


I agree with this. If you approach from the standpoint of shaming and judgement then he is not likely to open up to you. There's a post in one of the other forums asking men what it would take for them to be completely open and honest with their wives. I can tell you that shaming and judgement is not the way to make that happen. You'll never be truly close, truly "one" with that approach.

OP, does he turn you down for sex? Or do you turn him down? Are you open and available, willing to explore?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Whether or not pornography in your marriage is acceptable is only for you and your husband to decide, so I won't chime in with an opinion.

What I will say with almost 100% certainty is that it does NOT necessarily imply that he doesn't find you sexy or satisfying, unless you have other reason to believe he does not. Having never been a man, it's likely you've never experienced arousal the way a man has. We can love a woman, find her sexually fulfilling, be completely faithful but still want to take a peek at a Playboy once in a while. 

If he says it's not about you, try to believe him. He's likely telling the truth.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tinker84 said:


> Hiya I'm new to this, didn't really want to do it but i have to get opinions, I'm gutted
> I've been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3 in august, a few months/a year ago i walked in on my husband mastabating watching porn on his computer. It made my stomach turn, more so i think because its not what i was expecting at 9 in the morning after doing the school run.
> I managed to tell him how it made me feel like i wasnt good enough, and he said it had nothing to do with me he did it because i wasn't there.
> Then the other week i seen he'd downloaded another porn film but had the screen made really small like he was hiding it, i asked him about it and he said it was for us to watch one day, and said he wouldn't do it again.
> Then the other day i had a feeling he was watching porn again, so i did something i thought id never have to do, i checked his history on the computer, all 3 internet explorers and found loads and loads of porn sites, I've written them all down and now everyday i check it. i asked him the other day when the last time he watched porn was and he said ages ago but the history on the computer said he was looking at it yesterday!!!!!!, im really gutted he said he'd never lie to me but he has. i want to ask him about it but if i do will he keep looking and just delete his history so ill never know again? do i ask him or not???? Please help me someone. Thanks ray:



Us men are built on testosterone. We have about 10x higher test levels compared to women and when we have sex only 3x every week, it lower the chances of heart attacks and other issues by up to 50% and we are very visually stimulated These are facts.

Your hubby has a HD. Most guys do.

You probably have a LD and don't see sex as a major issue?. 

Kids will also lower your sex drive and sometimes, meds are required.

Your hubby works and provides for you and the kids. He has stress that needs to be relieved and men relieve stress by sex and not by talking and reading books. That's a waste of time.

Find out what he likes to view on his porn sites. Try that with him. What are his fantasies? Try that with him. Instead of getting mad at him about his porn viewing, do things like that and the key is have sex often with him and take the initiative. Slowly ween him off the porn. When he notices you are doing these things, the porn viewing should trickle down to almost nothing and eventually nothing.

I know for me, I am a HD guy and my wifee is LD. I need sex almost every day and sometimes 2 - 3x a day when I'm really in the mood. She only wants sex maybe 1 - 2x month and maybe more if I'm lucky. The only reason I view porn is because she isn't meeting my sexual needs and not even meeting me 50 / 50 as a permanent compromise. So what am I do to? I'm, never killing my sex drive because of her LD. If my wifee genuinely wanted sex 3 - 4x every week, say once every 2nd day, I could live with that and my occasional porn viewing and desire would be 99% gone.


Spice it up. 

- Talk dirty with him.
- Dress up, role play, sexy outfits
- try different sexual techniques, feet, breasts, anal, oiled hands, toys, etc.
- wait for him in the shower before he gets up for work, quickie
- have sex with him during the middle of the night while he is asleep and when he wakes up, nice surprise.
- have sex with him at least 3 - 4x every week and sometimes more than once at a time
- when watching a movie, all of a sudden, surprise him and watch an adult movie with him


If this happened for me, again, my occasional porn viewing would be 99% gone. But if none of this is happening, we'll, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

If he's only viewing porn, he's not going out and cheating on you. You know what he's doing and were he is.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

1. OP didn't say how often they have sex.
2. OP didn't say whether she is HD or LD (nor did she offer info about her husband in this respect)
3. OP didn't say if they have a spicy sex life as it is.
4. OP didn't say whether or not she works as well.

How about we wait until (IF) she comes back before making such generalizations, hmmm? Seriously, CB, you are making assumptions about their sex life, based on the issues you have had. She was given good advice above, which you DID also echo, among the generalized assumptions you made. Yes, they need to talk about it. But basically accusing her of not having sex with him enough is NOT the way to go. She never said more than (and yes, I know this is an oversimplified comment coming) "Hey, my husband is watching porn and lying about it to me since I walked in on it. How do I approach this?" The answer to that is NOT "Hey, give it up to him more. Be happy he's not going out and having sex with someone else because you have sidelined him." No, the answer to her question is "Sit down and discuss this, but don't shame or freak out. Discuss it and see what, if any, compromise can be made."


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

tulsy said:


> He's a grown man, not a child. If he wants to watch porn, it's not for you to decide. He's not hurting anyone and it's not a form of cheating....unless he is cheating you out of having sex/ depriving you of sex.
> 
> You are his wife, not his mother.
> 
> ...


Grown men don't lie to save themselves discomfort. If he was all that mature he'd sit HER down and discuss why he feels it's no big deal. She may or may not be making too big of a deal out of it but that doesn't give him a maturity pass to lie. If you're old enough to do it you're old enough to own it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

My suggestions are from a males perspective.

Blaming the guy won't help either. You have to understand why he is like that. You can't just tell him, no more porn!!! What is she going to do, to ween him off it?

I may have jumped the gun and drawn conclusions before we all get more facts, true. Doesn't hurt though.

If they already have a healthy high sex drive marriage, they've both HD individuals, and they do these things, then he has a porn problem and it must be addressed, correct. But if he is HD and she is LD, look at all the posts on TAM.

If I am accurate though, my suggestions from a males perspective will definitely help. Men see things differently than woman do and physical action is better than just "always talking and reading".


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> My suggestions are from a males perspective.
> 
> *Blaming the guy won't help either. You have to understand why he is like that. You can't just tell him, no more porn!!! What is she going to do, to ween him off it?*
> 
> ...


I understand what you're saying... but there were at least 2-3 MEN who said the same thing I did... sit and talk and find out what's going on, then work on how to resolve the problem. And by problem, I don't mean "Get that shyt out of the house or else!"... I mean if she is, otherwise, ok with it, then work out a compromise first...such as "right of first refusal" or something on that line. Keep in mind, I am one of the ladies who IS against porn. And I'm not telling her, immediately, to TELL him to stop it. And, while just "taking action" might put a band-aid on the problem, it will fester in the back of her head if they don't discuss how it made her feel to see that stuff, and to have him lie to her about it. Now, with the lying, there's loss of trust added to the mix. They need to discuss it, not just "I don't like this. Why am I not enough for you??" And him saying "You ARE enough for me. I stopped a long time ago..." No, they need to have a real talk about this and get it sorted out.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Sorry you are going through this, OP. I hope you will be able to find some solace! You'll get a ton of useful help here, and also some not-so useful info, but that comes with every forum, I suppose!

Anyway, I have been noticing something in all of these "My husband is secretly watching porn" threads and similar. It has been bothering me a little. 

All people who think porn is no big deal, and a woman should in no way at all, ever in life, never ever, think it is about her. It has absolutely nothing to do with the porn watcher's significant other. 

And if the offended party is female, it is simply her own insecurity, her problem. Her insecurities shouldn't dare interfere with her SO's porn viewing whenever and however he chooses. 

Then, in the same sentence, tell you you should lose weight if you've gained it recently, or wear some sexy panties to bed instead of a tee shirt and sweats, do something kinky, ask if he wants to do the things he watches in porn, etc. on and on and on. 

But no, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. That's why you should make all of these changes to yourself. But nothing to do with you. You've simply got your own issues with your own insecurities. 

Sorry, had to throw in my other two cents I had lying around!!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I think for most men, we'd rather have sex with our women and not to porn, including myself. Nothing beats the closeness, softness and connection compared to a screen.

Porn usually comes about from a LD spouse not being in the mood for a long time and doing nothing about it. The HD spouse can only take so much of this and then there must be a release or they'll go crazy. Men and women alike.

You'll be hard pressed to find a HD spouse having their needs met and some and still need porn.

Ideally, no porn at all, unless both like to watch it together and do what the actors and actresses do, being adventurous and all.

If one spouse is insecure and doesn't like the fact the other spouse watch that, they should get over their insecurities and do what it takes to be secure about themselves.

As bad as porn is, its better than going out to the bars, pubs and strip clubs and hooking up with other HD spouses in the same situation.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> This is so untrue. My H still watches it everyday for hours and we have sex every other day. We would do it every day if it were up to me, but his porn gets in the way.


Yup. In the same boat here.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I think for most men, we'd rather have sex with our women and not to porn, including myself. Nothing beats the closeness, softness and connection compared to a screen.
> 
> Porn usually comes about from a LD spouse not being in the mood for a long time and doing nothing about it. The HD spouse can only take so much of this and then there must be a release or they'll go crazy. Men and women alike.
> 
> ...



How in the fk are middle aged women suppose to compete with airbrushed 18yr olds on the internet?!? issed: Every man has masturbated w/o porn many times in their life. Porn isn't necessary. At some point it won't be enough either and you'll move on to live porn and chat rooms or your d*ck will get desensitized from too much masturbating and you won't be able to enjoy or desire regular sex. Porn isn't harmless!! BTW you sound very defensive in your post... sounds like someone has a porn addiction


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Op- talk to him tell him you know he's been lying to you. Explain to him how his viewing porn makes you feel and how lying about it is even worse. Then put a keylogger on his computer. Even if he deletes his history or watches it in InPrivate viewing you will still be able to see if he is still watching it. I recommend All in one keylogger it has a great 1 week trial. Good Luck


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I get the impression the BIGGEST issue for the OP is the lying and secrets.

I know I find it easier to deal with things when I actually know what it is I'm meant to be dealing with.

It's this dishonesty around porn that causes a lot of the insecurity for the wives. 
This issue is covered in his Needs Her Needs. 
Lying husbands make marriage a scary place for wives.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

tulsy said:


> He's a grown man, not a child. If he wants to watch porn, it's not for you to decide. He's not hurting anyone and it's not a form of cheating....unless he is cheating you out of having sex/ depriving you of sex.
> 
> You are his wife, not his mother.
> 
> ...


I vowed to never let someone's opinion truly get to me, but tulsy, your comment did it! Porn absolutely is a problem in many marriages and this is a perfect example. 
He kept this from you and never shared a part of his sexual fantasy with you until you discovered it. This is an addiction and it goes deeper and deeper with access to the internet. It's serious, becomes an obsession, is dark and destructive in this situation. 
Tulsy: she's posting here because she's scared for her relationship and has every reason to be! He's hiding porn, has hidden his craving for porn and is lying through his teeth! This SCREAMS addiction!!!!
I have many posts about my WH's porn addiction and there is great advice. Porn can be a form of cheating and you have every right to be upset. 
A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction by Paldrom Collins and George Collins and Breaking the Cycle by George Collins are great reads to understanding the addiction and restoring a healthy sexual relationship. I highly recommend them. 
I'm so sorry you experienced this! It can feel like you have been betrayed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

This thread is infuriating with the comments about "porn not being about you." In a marriage, there should not be secrets! If you are viewing porn without your husband or wife knowing about it AND you feel embarrassed to tell your husband or wife about it: it's a problem! 
I am so effing mad at those dismissing these concerns.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Regga said:


> This thread is infuriating with the comments about "porn not being about you." In a marriage, there should not be secrets! If you are viewing porn without your husband or wife knowing about it AND you feel embarrassed to tell your husband or wife about it: it's a problem!
> I am so effing mad at those dismissing these concerns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could you please point out the "porn not about you" part in this? Your all over the place. I get it you don't like porn. From a mans POV it really is not about his wife. Sure it can be destructive if abused. But so is Cocaine and that's not about you either.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

notmarriedyet said:


> Sorry you are going through this, OP. I hope you will be able to find some solace! You'll get a ton of useful help here, and also some not-so useful info, but that comes with every forum, I suppose!
> 
> Anyway, I have been noticing something in all of these "My husband is secretly watching porn" threads and similar. It has been bothering me a little.
> 
> ...


QFT!

Women are constantly told not to compare themselves to porn, but as far as I can tell it's never the women who are doing the comparing.

It's men saying why won't you wear more lingerie, higher heels, shave your *****, offer an endless supply of NSA bjs even though I've NEVER offered one in return.

Why won't you ...


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

always_alone said:


> It's men saying why won't you wear more lingerie, higher heels, shave your *****, offer an endless supply of NSA bjs even though I've NEVER offered one in return.


That's just men saying "be sexy". We like sexy just like women do. We are visual creatures. Yes shave it, it makes your curves show.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

always_alone said:


> QFT!
> 
> Women are constantly told not to compare themselves to porn, but as far as I can tell it's never the women who are doing the comparing.
> 
> ...


Not to mention the effect porn has on "what's hot". Suddenly we're not adventurous unless we'll suck right after anal or take cum all over our face. Cute lacy babydoll lingerie isn't enough we need corsets, thigh highs/garters and fk me heels. I'm done being compared to porn! You men are right I'm NOT his mother but I am his wife and I have the right to decide if I want porn to be a part of MY life (and YES if it's a part of his life it's a part of MINE). He also has the right to leave if he doesn't agree. It's that simple, me or porn.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

totallywarped said:


> Not to mention the effect porn has on "what's hot". Suddenly we're not adventurous unless we'll suck right after anal or take cum all over our face. Cute lacy babydoll lingerie isn't enough we need corsets, thigh highs/garters and fk me heels. I'm done being compared to porn! You men are right I'm NOT his mother but I am his wife and I have the right to decide if I want porn to be a part of MY life (and YES if it's a part of his life it's a part of MINE). He also has the right to leave if he doesn't agree. It's that simple, me or porn.


Now you're just arguing a strawman.

I don't speak for all men, but the ones I've had a passing conversation with about this are not doing what you propose here. They use porn as visual stimulation for those times when their SO is unavailable or uninterested. 

I have never asked my wife to do any of those things, but I might have enjoyed looking at it when our last sex was 9 days ago. If I'm going to get beat up for my habits, I at least want to get beat up for what I'm actually doing, not your notion of what I'm doing.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

totallywarped said:


> Not to mention the effect porn has on "what's hot". Suddenly we're not adventurous unless we'll suck right after anal or take cum all over our face. Cute lacy babydoll lingerie isn't enough we need corsets, thigh highs/garters and fk me heels. I'm done being compared to porn! You men are right I'm NOT his mother but I am his wife and I have the right to decide if I want porn to be a part of MY life (and YES if it's a part of his life it's a part of MINE). He also has the right to leave if he doesn't agree. It's that simple, me or porn.


It does not sound simple at all. I don't think porn has anything at all to do your problems.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

How is that Mr Brains? He watched excessive porn till it wasn't enough and had to start chatting with them and getting personal pics of them. Then our sex life became "boring" he kept wanting to be more adventurous and everything he's requesting is directly linked to something he's seen in porn.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> This is so untrue. My H still watches it everyday for hours and we have sex every other day. We would do it every day if it were up to me, but his porn gets in the way.


I guess I'm not the norm then?

I only view porn when my LD wifee goes weeks to 1+ months of no sex. When my sexual needs are actually met, I view no porn, nor do I think about it.


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

totallywarped said:


> How is that Mr Brains? He watched excessive porn till it wasn't enough and had to start chatting with them and getting personal pics of them. Then our sex life became "boring" he kept wanting to be more adventurous and everything he's requesting is directly linked to something he's seen in porn.


But is that him specifically or the porn? For instance, a small percentage of people drink and then drink more and then drink more. While the majority of people can have a drink now and then. So is alcohol the problem or the person? If alcoholics didn't have alcohol would they find a different destructive outlet?

The analogy is that you are condemning the casual drinker because of the alcoholics behavior. 

Yes, his habits are obviously destructive, unhealthy, and unfair to you. At the same time, it is not constructive to paint everyone with that same brush.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

totallywarped said:


> How is that Mr Brains? He watched excessive porn till it wasn't enough and had to start chatting with them and getting personal pics of them. Then our sex life became "boring" he kept wanting to be more adventurous and everything he's requesting is directly linked to something he's seen in porn.


Ok. If your sex life is boring its boring. Everything he's requesting is something he's seen in porn. So what is it you see in porn? Adventurous sex. Be more adventurous. Do you want to be adventurous? 
Ok reading his mind you cannot do. 
Chatting and getting pics of/with other women is an EA. That is breaking your marriage contract. It may be a deal breaker for you. 
People have sex like porn stars everyday. It's not the end of the world. 
Does he TELL you that you don't look like those women? I doubt it. It's ok for you to act like one for him...your his wife.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've got news for you, porn or no porn, after decades of the same ole same ole people (not just men) get bored.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I've got news for you, porn or no porn, after decades of the same ole same ole people (not just men) get bored.


Yup. "And if your boring, she's whor**g"


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

lol. :iagree::iagree:


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> Ok. If your sex life is boring its boring. Everything he's requesting is something he's seen in porn. So what is it you see in porn? Adventurous sex. Be more adventurous. Do you want to be adventurous?
> Ok reading his mind you cannot do.
> Chatting and getting pics of/with other women is an EA. That is breaking your marriage contract. It may be a deal breaker for you.
> People have sex like porn stars everyday. It's not the end of the world.
> Does he TELL you that you don't look like those women? I doubt it. It's ok for you to act like one for him...your his wife.


everyone is missing my point it's been said repeatedly that porn isn't about us (wives), it's none of our business and we don't have the right to object because we're not their mother. My point is it DOES affect us! I want him coming to bed hard because he wants ME not because he just watched some 18 yr old get fked. I want NORMAL adventurous sex. Sex at the drive in, in shower, toys, role play, anal etc. Not some sick idea the porn industry warped mens minds into thinking is hot. Cumming on faces, oral after anal (eww!), fisting and squirting... BTW he doesn't have to tell me I don't look like those women I'm not an idiot I'm 34 I've had 3 kids, I KNOW I don't look like them


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

totallywarped said:


> everyone is missing my point it's been said repeatedly that porn isn't about us (wives), it's none of our business and we don't have the right to object because we're not their mother. My point is it DOES affect us! I want him coming to bed hard because he wants ME not because he just watched some 18 yr old get fked. I want NORMAL adventurous sex. Sex at the drive in, in shower, toys, role play, anal etc. Not some sick idea the porn industry warped mens minds into thinking is hot. Cumming on faces, oral after anal (eww!), fisting and squirting... BTW he doesn't have to tell me I don't look like those women I'm not an idiot I'm 34 I've had 3 kids, I KNOW I don't look like them


You should talk to my wife - the one who would tell you that sex at the drive-in, in the shower, with toys, role playing, or anal is slightly to completely wrong or downright degrading and perverted.

Where did you learn all of those disgusting tricks? Pornography? Did you really intend to define what is appropriate sex for everyone on the planet?

The irony in this post is hard to bear.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

totallywarped said:


> everyone is missing my point it's been said repeatedly that porn isn't about us (wives), it's none of our business and we don't have the right to object because we're not their mother. My point is it DOES affect us! I want him coming to bed hard because he wants ME not because he just watched some 18 yr old get fked. I want NORMAL adventurous sex. Sex at the drive in, in shower, toys, role play, anal etc. Not some sick idea the porn industry warped mens minds into thinking is hot. Cumming on faces, oral after anal (eww!), fisting and squirting... BTW he doesn't have to tell me I don't look like those women I'm not an idiot I'm 34 I've had 3 kids, I KNOW I don't look like them


You're missing everyone's point, which is you can't generalize from your personal problems to the entire world.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

totallywarped said:


> everyone is missing my point it's been said repeatedly that porn isn't about us (wives), it's none of our business and we don't have the right to object because we're not their mother. My point is it DOES affect us! I want him coming to bed hard because he wants ME not because he just watched some 18 yr old get fked. I want NORMAL adventurous sex. Sex at the drive in, in shower, toys, role play, anal etc. Not some sick idea the porn industry warped mens minds into thinking is hot. Cumming on faces, oral after anal (eww!), fisting and squirting... BTW he doesn't have to tell me I don't look like those women I'm not an idiot I'm 34 I've had 3 kids, I KNOW I don't look like them


Ok I get it better now. You want freaky sex..good. Squirting is not that bad. The rest I get. I'd bet he loves the way you look naked. He does want you. He married you didn't he? You are what most men here would love to have. Does he refuse you the sex you want? Don't get a complex over these porn stars and quit trying to read his mind. Your driving yourself crazy. Take a deep breath.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> You're missing everyone's point, which is you can't generalize from your personal problems to the entire world.


I don't think she's generalizing from her personal problems as much as using them as an example. 

For instance: Male porn viewer/ forum poster tells upset female poster not to be upset about her husband watching porn. He tells her that her husband's porn viewing has absolutely NOTHING to do with HER personally. 
Then in same sentence, suggest she should ask her husband if he'd like to try anything he viewed in said porn viewing. Or lose weight, or dress up, etc. It's a complete contradiction. 

I think that's more the point. People come here upset feeling betrayed, and no one should tell another person that it is unnatural to feel any given way. "You are ridiculous for feeling upset that your man looks at porn, you have self-esteem issues" and the like. 

Any woman can feel confident, sexy, & have amazing self esteem. Then discover her husband would rather watch porn and handle business himself when wife is willing & able . . . enough to make any woman question her sexual desirability. Especially to her husband.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> Could you please point out the "porn not about you" part in this? Your all over the place. I get it you don't like porn. From a mans POV it really is not about his wife. Sure it can be destructive if abused. But so is Cocaine and that's not about you either.


I'm not going to change your mind with my comments. I do find it funny you compare my concept of "porn not about you" with cocaine. 

I don't understand how porn is good for a relationship. Or how sexual secrets are good for a relationship. I also don't get how the person that's oblivious is "insecure" when they are upset their significant other is secretly viewing porn. Sounds pretty degrading to relationships and trust within a relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Regga said:


> I'm not going to change your mind with my comments. I do find it funny you compare my concept of "porn not about you" with cocaine.
> 
> I don't understand how porn is good for a relationship. Or how sexual secrets are good for a relationship. I also don't get how the person that's oblivious is "insecure" when they are upset their significant other is secretly viewing porn. Sounds pretty degrading to relationships and trust within a relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My response is only 5 sentences. You might need to read them again to understand my Cocaine analogy. I didn't say porn was good for a relationship? I said nothing about insecurity? Or how secrets are good for a relationship?
I think we found what's really wrong in your marriage.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> My response is only 5 sentences. You might need to read them again to understand my Cocaine analogy. I didn't say porn was good for a relationship? I said nothing about insecurity? Or how secrets are good for a relationship?
> I think we found what's really wrong in your marriage.


Duh!!!!  I haven't denied that EVER! I wasn't comparing your comments to my analogy of porn, either. You asked about my anger toward the comments. I was only responding to your question and not meaning to make you defensive about your statements. 
I've always said secrecy with sexuality is a problem in a relationship. And it's a huge one in mine. I have many posts about how destructive secrecy in my relationship has been. I encourage you to find them. 
I don't really want to offend anyone, but when people say "it's not about you" after someone is seeking advice because they're scared or hurt, I think it's rude and degrading to tell them they are being insecure. Mr.Brains, you didn't say that, others did. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Men do not compare women in porn to their wives any more than you would compare the man in 50 shades of grey to your husband. Something else is going on here. You have too much of a hair trigger about everything said. I was not being defensive, but frank. 
Your husband is going to far with something's I agree. Just looking at porn would not be one of them.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

MrBrains said:


> Men do not compare women in porn to their wives any more than you would compare the man in 50 shades of grey to your husband. Something else is going on here. You have too much of a hair trigger about everything said. I was not being defensive, but frank.
> Your husband is going to far with something's I agree. Just looking at porn would not be one of them.


I disagree, studies show men who watch porn regularly are more likely to be dissatisfied with sex and less likely to find their wives attractive, they are also more likely to be critical of their wives. 

That alone to me is a good reason to focus on your spouse and not watch porn.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I disagree, studies show men who watch porn regularly are more likely to be dissatisfied with sex and less likely to find their wives attractive, they are also more likely to be critical of their wives.
> 
> That alone to me is a good reason to focus on your spouse and not watch porn.


But is porn watching a cause or an effect? I watched porn BECAUSE my wife cut off sex in our marriage. I could also see watching porn because your spouse put on 40 or 50 pounds and stopped taking care of themselves as well, even though that wasn't the situation in my case.

I'm now in a new relationship (for more than the last two years). I rarely watch porn and don't masturbate without my partner. She never asked me not to, it's just a result of having a fulfilling sex life and being with a partner who enjoys sex and intimacy as much as I do.

I do realize that I'm speaking of my own experience, and this isn't the case for a lot of other couples. There ARE men (typically) who have willing partners and still prefer watching porn over sex with their partners. But I see porn as similar to alcohol or gambling or many other vices... If people partake in moderation, it doesn't automatically cause problems. Some people can't do "moderately" very well, though. And some people use it as an escape from a bad situation. But to call for a blanket shutdown of porn... It's like another call for prohibition. And even less likely to succeed.

C


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I disagree, studies show men who watch porn regularly are more likely to be dissatisfied with sex and less likely to find their wives attractive, they are also more likely to be critical of their wives.
> 
> That alone to me is a good reason to focus on your spouse and not watch porn.


I don't do it regularly so you may be right. Studies show women who read romance novels regularly tend to be dissatisfied with romance, thus don't find their husband as attractive and are more critical of their husbands. That alone shows women should not read romance novels.

It's not about studies. One can find any study on any subject with any outcome they like.
Studies show if you chat with a 14 year old girl online. Then go to met her. Your likely to run into Chris Hanson.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I disagree, studies show men who watch porn regularly are more likely to be dissatisfied with sex and less likely to find their wives attractive, they are also more likely to be critical of their wives.
> 
> That alone to me is a good reason to focus on your spouse and not watch porn.


We've gone through this on many other threads. The "studies" referenced have always been biased or scientifically flawed. JohnnyComeLately has done a good job debunking such authority.

Can you cite to the studies on which you rely?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

The topic is "*Secret* porn watching".

OP, in a marriage, if it's secret, it's destructive, especially when it has to do with sexual activities.

T


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