# What the Heck is wrong with me?



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

It's been a couple of months since learning of H's EA. I feel like I am getting stronger in some ways. However, I am feeling these moments of sheer panic and I wake up(when I can get to sleep)and sit straight up. When this happens in the middle of sleeping I cant breathe, the nightmares are terrible and EVERY night. I have lost 20lbs(that I really didnt need to lose). I feel RAGE oh God the RAGE. 

And its getting worse. What the H*ll is wrong with me?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You have signs and symptoms of PTSD. I counsel military members everyday who have this along with other problems. You need to go into IC for this. If not at least vent here. You behaviors are first, NORMAL for what you have gone through, second, it is your body trying to protect itself, third, it is your body reacting to a traumatic event.

You are normal in your reactions but you need to get help. If you don't Cant you will crack up and be sitting in a corner drooling and pis*ing your pants. We do not want to see you go there.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> You have signs and symptoms of PTSD. I counsel military members everyday who have this along with other problems. You need to go into IC for this. If not at least vent here. You behaviors are first, NORMAL for what you have gone through, second, it is your body trying to protect itself, third, it is your body reacting to a traumatic event.
> 
> You are normal in your reactions but you need to get help. If you don't Cant you will crack up and be sitting in a corner drooling and pis*ing your pants. We do not want to see you go there.


wHAT??? THAts ridiculous.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> wHAT??? THAts ridiculous.


I agree with Thor...I don't know terminology...but it all makes sense???? 

OK that is NOT where we are like twins CTU...you lose 20 I gained 20 last summer...working hard to get it back off now! Trigger


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

That doesnt make sense to me. Im functioning as usual(semi) just alot of time in the bathroom floor taking deep breaths. Yes I am experiencing anxiety and anger and last week I was numb. but Isnt PtSD from War? I dont want to overdo this. Im doing my best to keep it together. I can just feel it changing inside me. I dont care about the things I used to care alot about. I am pissed as I can be. And what's up with the nightmares?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder could come from any traumatic event. Being is war is certainly traumatic, but so are many other things. Like finding out your spouse cheated.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

PTSD can hit anyone. Paramedics and firemen who have dragged dead bodies out of cars and buildings get PTSD something awful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> PTSD can hit anyone. Paramedics and firemen who have dragged dead bodies out of cars and buildings get PTSD something awful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK I misspoke. What I meant was something like THIS. Not finding out your spouse has been ripping out your gut for the past year and a half(at least). Thats really what I meant. Its not in the same ballpark in my mind. Though if it gets much worse than this I sincerely hope someone shoots me.


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## newlife94 (Aug 11, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> wHAT??? THAts ridiculous.


I know I have PTSD from this experience. I had a panic attack just this morning. It is not as profound as a war veteran, but def a form of PTSD for you. I know what you mean about not wanting to see like you are taking it overboard....just realize that this experience has taken a toll on your sleep, weight, thoughts, and breathing. I have felt all of it and it has been 4 months of torture for me. I wake up from nightmares and they are vivid....triggers are getting the best of me most days lately.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Post Traumatic Stress Disorder could come from any traumatic event. Being is war is certainly traumatic, but so are many other things. Like finding out your spouse cheated.


No doubt its traumatic. As I have said many times just in the past couple of months "I used to think I knew what it would feel like-I was wrong. This is a brand of pain I will NEVER forget"


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

newlife94 said:


> I know I have PTSD from this experience. I had a panic attack just this morning. It is not as profound as a war veteran, but def a form of PTSD for you. I know what you mean about not wanting to see like you are taking it overboard....just realize that this experience has taken a toll on your sleep, weight, thoughts, and breathing. I have felt all of it and it has been 4 months of torture for me. I wake up from nightmares and they are vivid....triggers are getting the best of me most days lately.


OH yes the damned triggers. They are everywhere. Heck, HE is a trigger. What can I do about that one? Dr. gave me ambien to sleep-nothing. I have a seizure disorder and not sleeping is just causing the seizures to go nuts on top of every thing else. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


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## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

I always thought that PTSD was just for war too, but that is not true. It can happen whenever there is a traumatic event in your life. 

I learned of husband's PA a few months ago too. I feel the same things you are. I have been in IC since it happened. My therapist helped me realize I suffered from PTSD from a traumatic event when I was a teenager, and since I have never totally dealt with that event, I can have triggers that send me back to that point in my life. H's PA has definitely done this. 

Hope that is helpful...I would really look into it if I were you. I thought it was pretty silly until I did some research and now it makes a lot more sense to me.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Can't this is my world, I do this everyday. It can be PTSD. PTSD in the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV-TR (this is the bible for diagnosing mental health disorders). For PTSD, one of the criteria for diagnosis, is, (2) the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. 

B. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions. Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
(2) Recurrent distressing dreams of the event. Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
(3) Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated). Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.
(4) Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
(5) Physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event 
C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
(1) Efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
(2) Efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
(3) Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
(4) Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
(5) Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
(6) Restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
(7) Sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span) 
D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
(1) Difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) Irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) Difficulty concentrating
(4) Hypervigilance
(5) Exaggerated startle response 
E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month. 
F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.


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## Hunger (Mar 26, 2012)

It has been a month and a half since the initial discovery of my affair and my BS still wakes up with constant anxiety and the need to wake me up to hold him. Our counselor just prescribed him some anti-depressents/anti-anxiety pills and referred him to a counselor for PTSD.

Hopefully the advice on here from others will help. Good luck to you and sorry to hear about your current situation.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

I feel so WEAK. Its so stupid.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> I feel so WEAK. Its so stupid.


Your NOT weak and your not stupid. You are making the *choice* to work on your R and that takes major strength and will. Your just having a normal moment.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Ingalls said:


> Your NOT weak and your not stupid. You are making the *choice* to work on your R and that takes major strength and will. Your just having a normal moment.


:iagree:

Wounded yes, weak no. Hurt and confused, yes, stupid no.


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## DownUnder (Jul 30, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Wounded yes, weak no. Hurt and confused, yes, stupid no.


:iagree:

Can't, you need to go and see your doc and arrange an IC if you can....i think you need the help to get thru this specially hard time.

I can only send you some (((HUGS))) and hopefully the trigger will get less and less for you and hopefully your R will get better and better.

Take care of yourself hun!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

PTSD is why I lashed out at Morrigan 3 months into R. Its real and its extremely common in this situation. Take Thorburn's and others advice. See your doctor asap.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

And our agreement(mine and H) is that since he must work with ow- he shows me ALL correspondance w/her....today ...3 emails...He did show me the last 2 when i saw him answering one of them but not the first on until i asked. They were all work related BUT thats not the agreement. T R I G G E R!!!! 

He really needs to get a new job so I wont lose my damned mind!
ooppppps, too late....


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> And our agreement(mine and H) is that since he must work with ow- he shows me ALL correspondance w/her....today ...3 emails...He did show me the last 2 when i saw him answering one of them but not the first on until i asked. They were all work related BUT thats not the agreement. T R I G G E R!!!!


He is answering her emails? I'm sorry but I have a terrible feeling that this is not going to work. I think you need to reevaluate this situation.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> He is answering her emails? I'm sorry but I have a terrible feeling that this is not going to work. I think you need to reevaluate this situation.


Beo, he has to...she's his boss! total cluster fvck. THats why the rule is I see all of them. When I say boss...she is his superior...the CFO. She asks, he must answer no two ways around it. However, that doesnt mean he gets privacy when doing so. He agrees. I do have his password and can log on to his email anytime.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Beo, he has to...she's his boss! total cluster fvck. THats why the rule is I see all of them. When I say boss...she is his superior...the CFO. She asks, he must answer no two ways around it. However, that doesnt mean he gets privacy when doing so. He agrees. I do have his password and can log on to his email anytime.


I'm deleting this. You don't need any more stress.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> I'm deleting this. You don't need any more stress.


Youre very kind Beo. Believe me I wish things could be different.He does have another job in the works, he should know next week if he got it. Say a prayer for us pleas, if you do that.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Youre very kind Beo. Believe me I wish things could be different.He does have another job in the works, he should know next week if he got it. Say a prayer for us pleas, if you do that.


I'm going to say many.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> I'm going to say many.


ANd now you understand a bit more why Im losing my mind???


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> ANd now you understand a bit more why Im losing my mind???


Yes, I actually got nervous FOR YOU when I read that. He does need to get out of there pronto. Not just for your sake but his. From what you posted it seems he really does love you and wants to work on the marriage so its got to eat him alive to take orders from that "person."


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

So last night I took something to sleep. UMMM, denied. After waking up with my heart pounding twice, I sat in our bathroom floor for a while in the dark. Who the heck does that? Honestly. I dont even remember what my thoughts were(they were so quick like rapid fire or something nothing cohesive). I just know it was trigger after trigger for no reason alone in the dark with NO outside stimuli so I dont know how its possible to be triggering like that but it happened. Good Grief.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> So last night I took something to sleep. UMMM, denied. After waking up with my heart pounding twice, I sat in our bathroom floor for a while in the dark. Who the heck does that? Honestly. I dont even remember what my thoughts were(they were so quick like rapid fire or something nothing cohesive). I just know it was trigger after trigger for no reason alone in the dark with NO outside stimuli so I dont know how its possible to be triggering like that but it happened. Good Grief.


I take Ambien and it gives me the reverse affect. Many of my friends have said the same!!! I'm SOOOO sorry about the triggering. As for the heart pounding and anxiety type symptoms you should see if you can get a different med for that???


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

You sound a lot like me. It's been almost 8 months since I found an email that my husband wrote referring to a coworker as his girlfriend. I've lost going on 35 pounds since then. I too sit in the bathroom floor alone for hours. I am fine one minute and so full of rage and hate the next it's scary. I completely understand how you feel.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> You sound a lot like me. It's been almost 8 months since I found an email that my husband wrote referring to a coworker as his girlfriend. I've lost going on 35 pounds since then. I too sit in the bathroom floor alone for hours. I am fine one minute and so full of rage and hate the next it's scary. I completely understand how you feel.


how did your H respond when you confronted him?


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## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

I am so sorry. I have been in ic for 7 months and taking antidepressants for 2 months. I wish I had started taking them sooner, but thought I had done the hard part and I was very wrong. I too lost 20 pounds. It took until I woke one morning ,3 days after him finally admitting to the prostitutes having lied for 5 months, for me to admit I was not coping. I could not move. I could not get warm. I could not stop crying. I had spent 5 months not sleeping, not eating, and my therapist said that my seratonin levels were non existent. At this point taking antidepressants were like taking a vitamin you are deficient in. She said I had PTSD and was on the verge of mental breakdown or clinical depression. It is real. It is happening. You cannot do this alone. You are not weak....there really is so much the human body can take. I refused sleeping meds as I was alone with my kids. I did take melatonin though which is natural. Sleep deprivation has been a form of torture for centuries. Please look after yourself. Please get help......you do not need to just 'cope'. I am thinking of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> So last night I took something to sleep. UMMM, denied. After waking up with my heart pounding twice, I sat in our bathroom floor for a while in the dark. Who the heck does that? Honestly. I dont even remember what my thoughts were(they were so quick like rapid fire or something nothing cohesive). I just know it was trigger after trigger for no reason alone in the dark with NO outside stimuli so I dont know how its possible to be triggering like that but it happened. Good Grief.


Please seek out counseling. These are big time PTSD symptoms. Its only going to get worse if you don't start addressing it.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Poppy said:


> I am so sorry. I have been in ic for 7 months and taking antidepressants for 2 months. I wish I had started taking them sooner, but thought I had done the hard part and I was very wrong. I too lost 20 pounds. It took until I woke one morning ,3 days after him finally admitting to the prostitutes having lied for 5 months, for me to admit I was not coping. I could not move. I could not get warm. I could not stop crying. I had spent 5 months not sleeping, not eating, and my therapist said that my seratonin levels were non existent. At this point taking antidepressants were like taking a vitamin you are deficient in. She said I had PTSD and was on the verge of mental breakdown or clinical depression. It is real. It is happening. You cannot do this alone. You are not weak....there really is so much the human body can take. I refused sleeping meds as I was alone with my kids. I did take melatonin though which is natural. Sleep deprivation has been a form of torture for centuries. Please look after yourself. Please get help......you do not need to just 'cope'. I am thinking of you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Morrigan takes melatonin as well. It helps her a lot with her anxiety and insomnia.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

When ever I read posts like this..it makes me angry. I wish that before people embarked on an A..that they would think it thru more carefully..the reprucussions, the hurt, etc. 

I think, for my situation, the few I told, think that it is over now has been for 6 months so get over it..little do they know that I think about it every day and the anger/resentment that comes from it still consumes me. Unless you have been thru it you have no idea! I have often picked up the phone thinking I'm done I am going to call a lawyer and walk away...then I think but I don't really want that. Just the up and downs of emotions is hard to take. I know I am supposed to focus on the state of the marriage before the A..however I often get stuck on what he did.....


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> When ever I read posts like this..it makes me angry. I wish that before people embarked on an A..that they would think it thru more carefully..the reprucussions, the hurt, etc.
> 
> I think, for my situation, the few I told, think that it is over now has been for 6 months so get over it..little do they know that I think about it every day and the anger/resentment that comes from it still consumes me. Unless you have been thru it you have no idea! I have often picked up the phone thinking I'm done I am going to call a lawyer and walk away...then I think but I don't really want that. Just the up and downs of emotions is hard to take. I know I am supposed to focus on the state of the marriage before the A..however I often get stuck on what he did.....


....Oh the 'get over it' line or the 'forgive and forget' line. Thats when you know they've never been 'there'.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> how did your H respond when you confronted him?


He told me it was just a joke they had between the two of them. I might have believed him if I didn't know how long he had been lying and hiding things. I completely lost it that night. I told him I wanted out of the marriage. Either it really hit him, or he's a damn good actor. He seems remorseful. I just can't seem to figure out how to let the anger go. I've been following your posts hoping that things improve for you. Hang in there. We will figure this out one way or another.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I know..it is hard to forget! It is a betrayal...there has been times where I have said to him during this last 6 months.."I don't think I could ever do that to you". ...and honestly there is a part of me that regrets saying that because to me I wonder if it makes him think oh good she will never cheat on me...I don't have to worry about this happening to me.

Not saying that what is good for the goose is good for the gander but I would love for him to know how it feels to be betrayed by someone..and all the reprucussions that come from that..the trust factor, the paranoia, etc. etc. I definently can see how people want to seek revenge on someone who did this to them.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> He told me it was just a joke they had between the two of them. I might have believed him if I didn't know how long he had been lying and hiding things. I completely lost it that night. I told him I wanted out of the marriage. Either it really hit him, or he's a damn good actor. He seems remorseful. I just can't seem to figure out how to let the anger go. I've been following your posts hoping that things improve for you. Hang in there. We will figure this out one way or another.


so does he still work with her? do they have a NC letter?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> I know..it is hard to forget! It is a betrayal...there has been times where I have said to him during this last 6 months.."I don't think I could ever do that to you". ...and honestly there is a part of me that regrets saying that because to me I wonder if it makes him think oh good she will never cheat on me...I don't have to worry about this happening to me.
> 
> Not saying that what is good for the goose is good for the gander but I would love for him to know how it feels to be betrayed by someone..and all the reprucussions that come from that..the trust factor, the paranoia, etc. etc. I definently can see how people want to seek revenge on someone who did this to them.


Oh my H is way sure I would never do anything like this. Thats good BUT it also means he is sure he cant even imagine trying to put himself in my position. He always says "I know youre not a cheater and this is gonna be a cross I bear" well its not like he's bearing it alone....

I would like for him to feel it for just one day though. I wouldnt be the cheater but I do think if the ws could feel what they have done to the bs they would think harder before considering it again.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> PTSD is why I lashed out at Morrigan 3 months into R. Its real and its extremely common in this situation. Take Thorburn's and others advice. See your doctor asap.


Thorburn & Beowulf: are there simple, easy, home remedies- herbs, exercises? I would like the BS to get to know some measures to take prior to theraphy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Thorburn & Beowulf: are there simple, easy, home remedies- herbs, exercises? I would like the BS to get to know some measures to take prior to theraphy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know of any. I just let the anger and hurt build and build. I suppose exercise might help to relieve the stress. Ultimately talking about it to a third part was the only thing that helped me.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> so does he still work with her? do they have a NC letter?


She quit/got fired not long after my blowup. Ill never know the whole story behind that I'm afraid. I sent her an email telling her that screwing around with a married man with two small children would cost her everything she had. Her job , reputation, marriage, everything...I would make sure she lost it all. I let her know that I was not to be F'd with. I also told my H that if he really wanted her, he'd better make that decision right then and there. He knew I was serious. He typed out a final email with me watching telling her what a horrid mistake she was, and to never contact him or his family again. I changed his password to something only I knew so that he couldn't delete any replies without telling me. Of course I know he could have a dozen other email addresses, but he knows I'll eventually find out. The problem now is that he expects everything to go back to "normal". Ha.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

ShatteredinAL said:


> She quit/got fired not long after my blowup. Ill never know the whole story behind that I'm afraid. I sent her an email telling her that screwing around with a married man with two small children would cost her everything she had. Her job , reputation, marriage, everything...I would make sure she lost it all. I let her know that I was not to be F'd with. I also told my H that if he really wanted her, he'd better make that decision right then and there. He knew I was serious. He typed out a final email with me watching telling her what a horrid mistake she was, and to never contact him or his family again. I changed his password to something only I knew so that he couldn't delete any replies without telling me. Of course I know he could have a dozen other email addresses, but he knows I'll eventually find out. The problem now is that he expects everything to go back to "normal". Ha.


Tell him _normal_ was the environment that sent him cheating. Tell him you don't want or need normal. You deserve better than normal.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> She quit/got fired not long after my blowup. Ill never know the whole story behind that I'm afraid. I sent her an email telling her that screwing around with a married man with two small children would cost her everything she had. Her job , reputation, marriage, everything...I would make sure she lost it all. I let her know that I was not to be F'd with. I also told my H that if he really wanted her, he'd better make that decision right then and there. He knew I was serious. He typed out a final email with me watching telling her what a horrid mistake she was, and to never contact him or his family again. I changed his password to something only I knew so that he couldn't delete any replies without telling me. Of course I know he could have a dozen other email addresses, but he knows I'll eventually find out. The problem now is that he expects everything to go back to "normal". Ha.


Oh GOD I wish that would happen! Not going to but a girl can wish, right? Believe me if she werent in HER position in the company and could get him fired, I would do exactly what you did and more. But her time will come..

Good for you Shattered.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Tell him _normal_ was the environment that sent him cheating. Tell him you don't want or need normal. You deserve better than normal.


Exactly. When I thought things were 'normal' he was sending her 20 -30 emails a day and spending 10/hrs a day yuckin it up with her and calling home saying 'im gonna be late today' soooo no thanks to 'normal'


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

There is no greater pain than betrayal. 

Who has laid on the floor shaking and in agony?
All of us

Who has considered suicide if only for a moment to end the pain.
95% of us, and the other 5% are lying.

Who among us have not suffered anxiety attacks, uncontrollable shaking and the feelings of pure blue pain.

Not many.

You are not alone. Many of have been where you are now. The problem you are having is that contact has not ended and you are forced to see the communication with the OM.

He must quit that job, for you and for him. Nothing else is more important to your marriage, your sanity and your life together.

There is a man who wrote of this. He wrote Hamlet.

David Tennant - Hamlet's Soliloquy (RSC Hamlet) - YouTube


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

ing said:


> There is no greater pain than betrayal.
> 
> Who has laid on the floor shaking and in agony?
> All of us
> ...


Thanks for posting this video clip. I love Shakespeare and Hamlet is my second favorite play.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Oh man the nightmares. I have a couple. One is really...bad.

So H and I are standing face to face in a room talking, I notice suddenly that he is looking past me a bit. Then he walks THRU me and I turn to see him walking away w/HER. I try to say something to him but he just keeps walking and no words will come out. She turns to me and smiles. God. I hate this. She has to get out of my life.

I havent described the dreams to him. He knows Im having bad ones b/c I wake up so abruptly and cant breathe and sit straight up in bed. I just dont know that I want to describe them to him?

Anyone else have nightmares like this?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I had very similar dreams - and everytime I had dreams like that H was still in contact with OW. It sucked...


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Oh man the nightmares. I have a couple. One is really...bad.
> 
> So H and I are standing face to face in a room talking, I notice suddenly that he is looking past me a bit. Then he walks THRU me and I turn to see him walking away w/HER. I try to say something to him but he just keeps walking and no words will come out. She turns to me and smiles. God. I hate this. She has to get out of my life.
> 
> Anyone else have nightmares like this?


I don't recall dreams...I block them out...but I do recall ones that I'm beating the sh1t out of the other girls and I win???

She DOES need out of your life. Sorry.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> Can't this is my world, I do this everyday. It can be PTSD. PTSD in the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV-TR (this is the bible for diagnosing mental health disorders). For PTSD, one of the criteria for diagnosis, is, (2) the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
> 
> B. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
> (1) Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions. Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
> ...


Well, darn if that ain't me. Course, IC put down OCD and anxiety disorder on my insurance so now I'm stuck with that for life.


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## ninnie (Feb 22, 2012)

The angry feelings are driving me crazy too. Angry because I think about it constantly. I go to sleep thinking about "them" and I wake up with the same thoughts. I was so afraid when they put me under for surgery that I would dream about it and not be able to wake myself up. I always slip out these quick smart ass comments that I know don't help things at all. Feel like I am going to go absolutely crazy. Will it ever end or atleast get better? Never got to see any of his "friends". Does this help or hurt?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I got so bad for a while I couldn't remember what was a dream and what was a waking trigger. I thought at times I was literally losing my mind. Turns out I was. Thankfully Morrigan and I found it again.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ninnie said:


> The angry feelings are driving me crazy too. Angry because I think about it constantly. I go to sleep thinking about "them" and I wake up with the same thoughts. I was so afraid when they put me under for surgery that I would dream about it and not be able to wake myself up. I always slip out these quick smart ass comments that I know don't help things at all. Feel like I am going to go absolutely crazy. Will it ever end or atleast get better? Never got to see any of his "friends". Does this help or hurt?


Does it help to see her? Is that the question?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> I got so bad for a while I couldn't remember what was a dream and what was a waking trigger. I thought at times I was literally losing my mind. Turns out I was. Thankfully Morrigan and I found it again.


Should I tell him? Sometimes I feel like I dont want to PUT images into his head since he still has to deal with her, ya know?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Should I tell him? Sometimes I feel like I dont want to PUT images into his head since he still has to deal with her, ya know?


And there lies the problem. You should be able to talk to him about these dreams. That's part of the healing process. But you are afraid if you do it will affect him adversely since he still works for her. This is a toxic situation.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> And there lies the problem. You should be able to talk to him about these dreams. That's part of the healing process. But you are afraid if you do it will affect him adversely since he still works for her. This is a toxic situation.


Yes. Its murderous. He has been working from home for weeks now. Hasnt seen her for any of that time, talked to her once for 30 seconds. If he doesnt get this new job he will have to go back in there I guess. I just dont know how Im gonna be able to cope with that. He literally sits 10ft from her. He can hear her, see her and she uses it too. He already asked to be moved a while back but they dont really have anywhere else for him to move to that makes sense right now. I just dont know what to do. He will be able to stay home for a couple more weeks and work I think then he will HAVE to go back if he doesnt have another job. I say in all seriousness that it may give me a nervous breakdown.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Yes. Its murderous. He has been working from home for weeks now. Hasnt seen her for any of that time, talked to her once for 30 seconds. If he doesnt get this new job he will have to go back in there I guess. I just dont know how Im gonna be able to cope with that. He literally sits 10ft from her. He can hear her, see her and she uses it too. He already asked to be moved a while back but they dont really have anywhere else for him to move to that makes sense right now. I just dont know what to do. He will be able to stay home for a couple more weeks and work I think then he will HAVE to go back if he doesnt have another job. I say in all seriousness that it may give me a nervous breakdown.


Then have him quit. What will your finances look like after you get divorced? Will they be any worse than if he quits now? Think about it. Your money or your marriage. For me it would be a no brainer.


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## ninnie (Feb 22, 2012)

Question was; does it help or hurt to know the women husband cheated with? I have not seen any of them and know nothing about them. I have their phone numbers and I really want to call them but I don't even know why. None of them asked if he was married and he sure didn't tell them. So they do not even know about me. I want to call and cuss them out but its not their fault. they got played too, but these are women were at bars, so they knew what they were looking for.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ninnie said:


> Question was; does it help or hurt to know the women husband cheated with? I have not seen any of them and know nothing about them. I have their phone numbers and I really want to call them but I don't even know why. None of them asked if he was married and he sure didn't tell them. So they do not even know about me. I want to call and cuss them out but its not their fault. they got played too, but these are women were at bars, so they knew what they were looking for.


It makes it worse because they knew what they were doing. He has access to her and she to him EVERY day. I have seen her. I know more about her than he does I would bet. Thing is, I dont care about her. She is worthless to me. She is a homewrecker with a H and kids of her own and what my H was doing was NO better. I only care about him. She is worth nothing. The sooner she is out of my life the better. But I will have the last word, be sure.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

ninnie said:


> The angry feelings are driving me crazy too. Angry because I think about it constantly. I go to sleep thinking about "them" and I wake up with the same thoughts. I was so afraid when they put me under for surgery that I would dream about it and not be able to wake myself up. I always slip out these quick smart ass comments that I know don't help things at all. Feel like I am going to go absolutely crazy. Will it ever end or atleast get better? Never got to see any of his "friends". Does this help or hurt?


I had surgery, too shortly after I found out and I was afraid I was gonna start talking about it to the nurses when I was coming awake.


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