# How enthusiastic is she?



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I tend to get pretty worked up / make a lot of noise / really get into it when I'm having sex. On occasion I've had a new guy ask me if I'm alright after I orgasm  Curious as to how other women express their sexual energy in bed. Noisy? Do you wriggle a lot? Do you like to just be still and enjoy it?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

The noiser the better IMHO ??

I enjoy letting my partner know how ummmm good he is


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO is noisy enough that when we booked hotel rooms on a recent road trip with her parents, I made a point of requesting rooms well separated from each other. And I usually make sure the windows in my condo are closed before we get to it. She's also relatively active while orgasming... No dead fish sex. . And to be honest, her moves feel great to me, too! And I also LOVE the noises she makes. 

So I'll say, keep up the good work! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

Depending my mood and how i’m feeling at the time I can be very loud. My So loves it when I get loud and nosy it really gets him going.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Wife and I are limited by kids right now....and poor sound insulation in our house.

When the kids are gone though, I would hate to be my neighbor.....it's going to get loud.

We both go insane when kids are not home or are away camping/hotel etc


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I am frustrated by the W's inability to let go.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

yeah, most guys want to hear an ever-building cacophony of sounds, leading to a crescendo at orgasm time--the back arching up in uncontrollable bliss

Many women just lie there and give a little shudder at orgasm. that's NOT what we are hoping for!

:smthumbup:


Or another way of saying it, if your SO asks you "did you orgasm yet??", you are not orgasming correctly!
.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

My wife is loud. She moans and comments. She squirms and trembles. Occasionally she'll ask me if she should move or what.

I on the other hand am dead silent. Not sure why.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

We still have teens in the house that are up and around when we are in bed so I have to keep it down but I think I get my point across.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Call me crazy, okay, that's enough. hahaha

Seriously, I am. No...

When I heard that really loud stuff, it made me think it was all a big show. I guess I'm naturally skeptical. That's the truth. That's what embarrassed me about it. edit: mostly.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> yeah, most guys want to hear an ever-building cacophony of sounds, leading to a crescendo at orgasm time--the back arching up in uncontrollable bliss
> 
> Many women just lie there and give a little shudder at orgasm. that's NOT what we are hoping for!
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, but this is bs and frankly insulting. Women orgasm lots of different ways, and if you're telling us we're doing it wrong unless it's the way you want, then you're telling us not to have orgasms.

I need to concentrate the closer I get to orgasm, so the sounds and motion stop when I focus or I won't go over the edge. Making noise can be distracting, and moving around can mean moving away from the right clitoral stimulation that was getting me excited in the first place.

So many women have trouble having any kind of orgasm, so please don't go around saying they're doing it wrong when they manage to have one.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Enthusiasm is about more than noise, but that's certainly part of it. Taking control, and just going for it, etc. Yes, she's awesomely enthusiastic.


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## Time4Joy (Dec 13, 2012)

Sometimes, there's a slight flutter in Mrs. Joy's pulse. At other times, she goes all out and there's a snurkle in her snore and with a wave of her hand as she pulls the sheet up, she'll knock over the wine glass on the bedside table.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Im very vocal.
I cant help it!

I am not going to be shy about what is making me feel good. 

He also does his little moans and oh gods, here and there. hahha 

I like to think of this as singing :rofl:

hahahaha


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

norajane said:


> I'm sorry, but this is bs and frankly insulting. Women orgasm lots of different ways, and if you're telling us we're doing it wrong unless it's the way you want, then you're telling us not to have orgasms.
> 
> I need to concentrate the closer I get to orgasm, so the sounds and motion stop when I focus or I won't go over the edge. Making noise can be distracting, and moving around can mean moving away from the right clitoral stimulation that was getting me excited in the first place.
> 
> So many women have trouble having any kind of orgasm, so please don't go around saying they're doing it wrong when they manage to have one.


I'm NOT trying to tell you how to orgasm.
I am just telling you what MOST MEN expect to hear during an orgasm. You can accept or reject that advice as you see fit, possibly at your peril


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> We still have teens in the house that are up and around when we are in bed so I have to keep it down but I think I get my point across.


You sound like such a great wife.....Pillows are the bomb!! 

We also have a huge walk in closet that we use to ...."talk"..


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> I am just telling you what MOST MEN expect to hear during an orgasm. You can accept or reject that advice as you see fit, possibly at your peril


And they say porn has had no impact on expectations of women's sexuality...

If a man is going to judge me for failing to perform the "proper" orgasm, well, he knows where the door is, and I don't care if it hits him on the way out.


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## bizzy79 (Mar 22, 2012)

Mrs Bizzy is usually fairly quiet, but depending on the type of sex we are having, she is sometimes more vocal! 

The other night, we were making very sweet love when she climaxed, and she was very quiet although clearly enjoyed her orgasm. But, she then went on top of me, which was a bit faster/livelier sex, and she was groaning alot more!


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: How enthusiastic is she?*



norajane said:


> I'm sorry, but this is bs and frankly insulting. Women orgasm lots of different ways, and if you're telling us we're doing it wrong unless it's the way you want, then you're telling us not to have orgasms.
> 
> I need to concentrate the closer I get to orgasm, so the sounds and motion stop when I focus or I won't go over the edge. Making noise can be distracting, and moving around can mean moving away from the right clitoral stimulation that was getting me excited in the first place.
> 
> So many women have trouble having any kind of orgasm, so please don't go around saying they're doing it wrong when they manage to have one.


I'm pretty vocal and wiggly when I orgasm with my partner, however like you stated that can make it a lot more difficult to actually finish. I am only like that for my man, if was was to masturbate alone it's a whole other very quiet story hahaha. 
Doing it alone, I can finish within 5 minutes. Doing it with/for my partner it can take me half an hour roughly...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Both my wife and I are pretty quiet, and I don't mind a bit. She will sometimes vocalize a bit as she's is beginning her orgasm, but most of the time is pretty quiet. I can pick up her non verbal signs of O so it's all good.

As I said, I am pretty quiet, and the only time I really make any noise beyond my breathing is on purpose and exclusively for her benefit as I know it really turns her on, but as Cleigh mentioned, it does make it more difficult for me to finish.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Count me in the "Love the Loud Enthusiasm" camp! We also have a stay at home older child so we have to be cautious when he is at home by keeping the noise level down. However, when the house is clear, we are both free to be more expressive and the decibel level goes up, for both of us. 
I absolutely love the affirmation that I receive when my wife is groaning and moaning and sounding like a wild banshee. I've noticed that as I've gotten older, I am also a little more vocal. For my wife and I, I think we kind of get into a self-reinforcing loop. Once one of us starts, the other gets turned on and then gets louder which just gets the other turned on more. Round and round it goes to its happy conclusion!


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Both my wife and I are pretty quiet, and I don't mind a bit. She will sometimes vocalize a bit as she's is beginning her orgasm, but most of the time is pretty quiet. I can pick up her non verbal signs of O so it's all good.
> 
> As I said, I am pretty quiet, and the only time I really make any noise beyond my breathing is on purpose and exclusively for her benefit as I know it really turns her on, but as Cleigh mentioned, it does make it more difficult for me to finish.


^ Same Here.

I do little moans, but nothing spectacular. I try to vocalize a little more when I'm orgasming, but it doesn't come natural, and it can be distracting for me. I really need to close my eyes and concentrate when I'm getting close. 

He is even more silent than me except for breathing, but he does try to be more vocal and/or dirty talk occasionally, because he knows I like it. 

We are both trying to be more vocal for each other, but it doesn't come naturally for either of us. Any noise we make is more of a "show" than real.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm looking for an honest response. I'd like to know I'm doing it right. Anything obviously faked or over the top is uncomfortable.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm looking for an honest response. I'd like to know I'm doing it right. Anything obviously faked or over the top is uncomfortable.


Before my wife and I were dating and sleeping together, she was almost apologetic in telling me that she was generally pretty quiet during sex and past partners complained because they couldn't tell if she orgasmed or not. Honestly, I think her past partners were just clueless or didn't care because from the very first time we were together it was as obvious to me as fireworks and billboards. She may not be vocal, but her body sure screams it...


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## BigMrE (Jan 14, 2014)

The missus is plenty enthusiastic, although not very vocal, which is fine with me. Brings back fond memories of being in high school having sex in her parent's basement while "watching movies".

And although she is pretty quiet, a few weeks ago, just as I hit my orgasm, my wife's cell phone went off with a trumpet fanfare right on cue. For whatever reason I really liked the royal fanfare.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> I'm NOT trying to tell you how to orgasm.
> I am just telling you what MOST MEN expect to hear during an orgasm. You can accept or reject that advice as you see fit, possibly at your peril


I to have a quiet cummer. It is definitely not an ego boost, but I know when she has cum. Vocals and or more intense movements give a feedback which is rewarding.

Mines like to stay really still and you do not hear breathing increase and no audible feedback to trigger off of.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I am loud. I find it distracting and harder to orgasm when I have to be quiet as my focus is on shutting up. He is quiet but moans when he is having an or getting close to his orgasm.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> I tend to get pretty worked up / make a lot of noise / really get into it when I'm having sex. On occasion I've had a new guy ask me if I'm alright after I orgasm  Curious as to how other women express their sexual energy in bed. Noisy? Do you wriggle a lot? Do you like to just be still and enjoy it?


You are playing with us. Damn you vixen!

Please don't stop FB1,
Stretch


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## alonetogether8 (Aug 25, 2014)

I am pretty loud and apparently I say things that I don't even remember later. He has to tell me "shhh" sometimes so I don't wake the kids.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I'm a total screamer, always have been. 

I admit: it can be a problem sometimes.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

The orgasm is a varied thing. Sometimes they are heralded by lots of invocation of God, other times the are announced by profanity- usually "Oh, ****", Sometimes they sneak up and I don't know except that she gets too sensitive and stops me. On occasion, I thought we were going to have to call 911 due to extreme headaches and other times, multiples. I personally don't like the porn style noise. 

As I told a lady I hooked up with once or twice, if you stop trying to make me feel good with all of the fake noise, I guarantee that I will make you feel great. She shut up and then... well she cursed, invoked a few deities, called me a few names, gave an order for me not to stop and eventually lay there gasping, sweating, and twitching. I don't care how we reach our destination as long as we get there.

I will agree with one poster, I need to concentrate if I'm trying to get mine. I tell her, to quote a C- list comedienne, "shut the **** up and don't move until I tell you."


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> If that's the case, it's no wonder many men have no idea if the woman they are with has had an orgasm or not.
> 
> Also if "MOST" men expect to hear an orgasm, no wonder some women feel compelled to fake orgasm (lest they hurt a mans fragile ego). Men who believe that verbal enthusiasm guarantees, that a woman has had an orgasm, do so at their own peril.


Enjoying vocalizations doesn't mean lack thereof damages our ego. I'm not into the quiet ones. If she's quiet, I presume what I'm doing isn't hitting the right buttons, and I'll change pace or position, add a hand, increase/decrease physicality... etc, all of which mess up the quiet woman's concentration. So a quiet woman isn't very compatible with me. She's going to be frustrated. I'm going to be frustrated. It's not going to work out.

Nothing "guarantees" a woman has had an orgasm, but silence is certainly not informing him that what he's doing is getting you there or not, and as such probably decreases the probability of getting there at all.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

always_alone said:


> And they say porn has had no impact on expectations of women's sexuality...
> 
> If a man is going to judge me for failing to perform the "proper" orgasm, well, he knows where the door is, and I don't care if it hits him on the way out.




Funny, I found out I preferred a vocal woman from experiencing a vocal girl and non-vocal girl. I had seen exactly one porn videotape prior and couldn't get into the moaning at all.

Everyone has expectations of the opposite sex. You have preferences. If those preferences don't align and you're not willing to give for each other's benefit, good luck to you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Funny, I found out I preferred a vocal woman from experiencing a vocal girl and non-vocal girl. I had seen exactly one porn videotape prior and couldn't get into the moaning at all.
> 
> Everyone has expectations of the opposite sex. You have preferences. If those preferences don't align and you're not willing to give for each other's benefit, good luck to you.


I agree.

I can't tell someone the right way to orgasm, but I can tell what I prefer.

My current lady is a quiet cummer and gets real still when it's time to cum, she's also not an easy cummer. So it is an excersize in determination without any feedback to feed me.

Where an audible feedback or strong movement or reaction would fill your pleasure centers, filling you with energy and enhancing your ego. 

With my current it doesn't feel an ego at all, it feels good to know I made her cum, but it doesn't feel that exciting. I would even say that it has shrunk my ego and stripped at it over time.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I did have one ladies who'se vocalization was deep and innerbody like a demon... But her vocalization was snorting like a pig, like a real pig. It definitely was not an ego boost either, but it did let me know I was hitting her soul right.

Many women moan and some screem when they come, but a womans moans and lamentations, even if I wasn't having sex do please your mind. Do make you feel good, do boost your ego.

And while too much of an ego or the wrong type of ego can be a destructive thing, try accomplishing anything in this world with a tiny ego or fractured ego. It's just much harder.

Ego ties to the belief in self.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

There is an ego component, but its by far from the most important part to me. In addition to vocalization giving me feedback on what's working for her and what's not, more often than not her vocals when she reaches the peak will trigger my orgasm - and there you have it, simultaneous orgasms. So many people say SO is rare or unimportant, but I enjoy them and have had them regularly with multiple women. There's no magic or technique or trick to it. Her sound at the critical moment just puts me over the edge and there you have it. Has never happened with a quiet cummer. She concentrates to get hers, and I just keep going until I can't or don't want to keep going anymore. I've had a girl tell me afterward that she had 3 and was like "Holy crap! We're still going!" and I'm just thinking "Well damn... hell if I knew." I got to the end thinking it totally sucked for her.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

How enthusiastic is she? Not very. She is very quite with a slight change in breathing pattern.

I look at this thread and wish I could have more feedback from her. I am so sad that I don't get feedback and I feel frustrated that I can't seem to rock her world like other posters here.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bigfoot said:


> The orgasm is a varied thing. Sometimes they are heralded by lots of invocation of God, other times the are announced by profanity- usually "Oh, ****", Sometimes they sneak up and I don't know except that she gets too sensitive and stops me. On occasion, I thought we were going to have to call 911 due to extreme headaches and other times, multiples. I personally don't like the porn style noise.
> 
> As I told a lady I hooked up with once or twice, if you stop trying to make me feel good with all of the fake noise, I guarantee that I will make you feel great. She shut up and then... well she cursed, invoked a few deities, called me a few names, gave an order for me not to stop and eventually lay there gasping, sweating, and twitching. I don't care how we reach our destination as long as we get there.
> 
> I will agree with one poster, I need to concentrate if I'm trying to get mine. I tell her, to quote a C- list comedienne, "shut the **** up and don't move until I tell you."


So you are a "quiet" CUMMER and you don't want anyone distracting you until you have completion in orgasm?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

fightforher said:


> How enthusiastic is she? Not very. She is very quite with a slight change in breathing pattern.
> 
> I look at this thread and wish I could have more feedback from her. I am so sad that I don't get feedback and I feel frustrated that I can't seem to rock her world like other posters here.


So maybe she is just quiet - maybe she's really enjoying it but just not noisy. Can you talk to her about it and get feedback that way?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> There is an ego component, but its by far from the most important part to me. In addition to vocalization giving me feedback on what's working for her and what's not, more often than not her vocals when she reaches the peak will trigger my orgasm - and there you have it, simultaneous orgasms. So many people say SO is rare or unimportant, but I enjoy them and have had them regularly with multiple women. There's no magic or technique or trick to it. Her sound at the critical moment just puts me over the edge and there you have it. Has never happened with a quiet cummer. She concentrates to get hers, and I just keep going until I can't or don't want to keep going anymore. I've had a girl tell me afterward that she had 3 and was like "Holy crap! We're still going!" and I'm just thinking "Well damn... hell if I knew." I got to the end thinking it totally sucked for her.


There are moments when the noise I'm making and the way I'm moving do get my partner to cum quicker. I think that's kind of awesome. And I really didn't realize til recently how much the noises he makes turn me on. Maybe cuz I've mostly been with quiet men and thought that was normal. But nope, some guys make great noises too.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Wife and I were on the way home from a long weekend trip this past weekend. It was about midnight, and we pulled off onto a deserted dead end country road running through the corn fields. Bent her over the back seat of the car, and she was loud, and the things coming out of her mouth...no idea where in the hell THAT came from...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> So maybe she is just quiet - maybe she's really enjoying it but just not noisy. Can you talk to her about it and get feedback that way?


:iagree:

Just because she isn't loud and noisy and thrashing around does not mean you aren't rocking her world. 

Why not talk with her when you aren't in the middle of sex, and find out from her how she feels during sex, not how you think she feels. You can ask her to provide more guidance (a little to the left, yes, yes), but please don't tell her that you are frustrated that she doesn't do porn star moans and groans for you.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> So many people say SO is rare or unimportant, but I enjoy them and have had them regularly with multiple women. There's no magic or technique or trick to it. Her sound at the critical moment just puts me over the edge and there you have it.


I never understood it either. It happens easily and often for my husband and I. Probably at least 80%+ of the time.

He holds back and waits for me. When I go, he knows, and he lets his go too. Or occasionally he will go first, and hearing/feeling him will trigger mine.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> There are moments when the noise I'm making and the way I'm moving do get my partner to cum quicker. I think that's kind of awesome. And I really didn't realize til recently how much the noises he makes turn me on. Maybe cuz I've mostly been with quiet men and thought that was normal. But nope, some guys make great noises too.


I was a quiet guy a long time ago... mostly just because, to me, deeper voiced male sounds just didn't seem remotely appealing - I couldn't imagine a girl being into that, and so I was consciously managing what I was presenting. I wasn't really letting go and fully relaxing. But I would slip-up... sound would slip here and there without my realizing it. I'd occasionally get comments that expressed enjoyment of how into it I was, how hot it was, and even that my sounds helped put her over the top exactly as a woman's sounds do for me. It put down my false assumption.

I realize that many people have an issue with "acting"... and to be honest, I think some of it is acting... some degree of passion in general is acting. But I've also found that when I've played that role, when I act more passionate or more into it than I might actually be - I in fact *become* more into it. Both of us tend to.

I think its a lot like going partying with friends. It could be a plain hum drum night out, or it could turn into a wild no holds barred night of outrageousness... but for the latter to occur, one or more of the participants have to want it to occur and act the part to create it. Things don't instantaneously become that way... someone gave it a kick by playing the part.

To me, the negative sort of acting is the sort that acts without it being a pathway to actually getting into it. Otherwise I tend to think exaggeration helps put some fire in it, such that you create the passionate environment you want, willfully get in that mind state, and the next thing you know... poof... you're not exaggerating. You just set yourself up for great sex.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

norajane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Just because she isn't loud and noisy and thrashing around does not mean you aren't rocking her world.
> 
> Why not talk with her when you aren't in the middle of sex, and find out from her how she feels during sex, not how you think she feels. You can ask her to provide more guidance (a little to the left, yes, yes), but please don't tell her that you are frustrated that she doesn't do porn star moans and groans for you.


I agree with you, but at the same time, if it would turn him on for her to be a little more vocal shouldn't he say so? It shouldn't be expressed as a matter of frustration, but rather as something he'd really enjoy: "I would love to hear you. It turns me on to be in the moment and have that indication that you're so into it and enjoying us."

For myself, a part of my enjoyment of sex is in her sounds. I may consciously know from prior discussion that she's really enjoying herself in her silence, but that silence is still not very satisfying. Like many other sexual things, its just a matter of compatible preferences. I'm not talking about yucking it up like a pornstar... but definitely not silence or only breathing. The pitch of the female voice in pleasure is just completely intoxicating to me.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> So maybe she is just quiet - maybe she's really enjoying it but just not noisy. Can you talk to her about it and get feedback that way?


The silence bothers me. I think that part of the trouble is that she is afraid that the kids will hear. But the silence bothers me because I don't really get any feedback other than "it is ok" or "no complaints." Which leads my mind to thinking that the reason she is LD is that she never had a really good orgasm and thus she just thinks it is a ho hum activity.

Difficult to talk to her for a number of reasons. First, there is little time - she is busy and we just don't have much time together. Second, I am afraid to bring it up because she will accuse me of having only one thing on my mind, and I can't control myself.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

norajane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Just because she isn't loud and noisy and thrashing around does not mean you aren't rocking her world.
> 
> Why not talk with her when you aren't in the middle of sex, and find out from her how she feels during sex, not how you think she feels. You can ask her to provide more guidance (a little to the left, yes, yes), but please don't tell her that you are frustrated that she doesn't do porn star moans and groans for you.


I think I have failed to rock her world. The silence is just one of the clues.

There is so little time, so we generally don't talk about us when we talk. We talk about the kids, the planning for trips and house chores. Sometimes, when we clear out the mundane stuff to talk about we get a bit closer. That time is golden (not quite sex, but it is to live for).


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

fightforher said:


> I think I have failed to rock her world. The silence is just one of the clues.
> 
> There is so little time, so we generally don't talk about us when we talk. We talk about the kids, the planning for trips and house chores. Sometimes, when we clear out the mundane stuff to talk about we get a bit closer. That time is golden (not quite sex, but it is to live for).


Two things: not your fault. If someone isn't enjoying sex it is mostly their fault cuz they aren't insisting that it be better. You can't do what she doesn't tell you to do.

And...the communication pattern you're talking about is not good. You need more time for just the two of you to talk about non-logistical things.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I agree with you, but at the same time, if it would turn him on for her to be a little more vocal shouldn't he say so? It shouldn't be expressed as a matter of frustration, but rather as something he'd really enjoy: "I would love to hear you. It turns me on to be in the moment and have that indication that you're so into it and enjoying us."
> 
> For myself, a part of my enjoyment of sex is in her sounds. I may consciously know from prior discussion that she's really enjoying herself in her silence, but that silence is still not very satisfying. Like many other sexual things, its just a matter of compatible preferences. I'm not talking about yucking it up like a pornstar... but definitely not silence or only breathing. The pitch of the female voice in pleasure is just completely intoxicating to me.


He can ask, but if she needs it to be quiet to concentrate on orgasm, all he'll get are the fake sounds she makes to please him and all she'll get is nothing since she won't be able to orgasm while acting.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

fightforher said:


> I think I have failed to rock her world. The silence is just one of the clues.


You don't have to blow their whole concept up of what sex is to make them feel great. It might be possible you have a quiet cummer and someone who is passive sexually...




fightforher said:


> There is so little time, so we generally don't talk about us when we talk. We talk about the kids, the planning for trips and house chores. Sometimes, when we clear out the mundane stuff to talk about we get a bit closer. That time is golden (not quite sex, but it is to live for).


If a passion filled and explosive sex-life is important to you, you either are going to have to find a way to coax it out of your current partner or to go get it somewhere else.

How do you make someone want something more that they don't even know that they want themself? I know it can be done!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

There are people in this world who feed your self esteem, your ego. They make you feel better about yourself. There are people who do the opposite. And of course there are people who are more or less neutral. Someone who just lays there, quiet with no feedback, is going to be neutral at best. No one walks away from that feeling better about themselves.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> There are people in this world who feed your self esteem, your ego. They make you feel better about yourself. There are people who do the opposite. And of course there are people who are more or less neutral. Someone who just lays there, quiet with no feedback, is going to be neutral at best. No one walks away from that feeling better about themselves.


The one's who "feed" it aren't always "trying" to feed it, they might be expressing how they really feel. And yes it does feel good to know that's how they really feel.

We can't quantify what a "quiet" one feels and there is no guarantee they feel any less, but I know for a fact that there is no way that I could imagine that they feel more, how the heck would I know other than feedback?


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> Two things: not your fault. If someone isn't enjoying sex it is mostly their fault cuz they aren't insisting that it be better. You can't do what she doesn't tell you to do.
> 
> And...the communication pattern you're talking about is not good. You need more time for just the two of you to talk about non-logistical things.


Hard to not feel at fault here. But logically I can see you are right. Regardless of who's fault it is, if she is not enjoying it as much as she could be, then it is just sad.

Hard to find time to be together. She works hard. Last discussion we had was about her moving to another group where she would have to work even harder and longer hours. I feel distant frequently.



treyvion said:


> You don't have to blow their whole concept up of what sex is to make them feel great. It might be possible you have a quiet cummer and someone who is passive sexually...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I ask her about her climax. She generally says "it was ok." When I asked her in the past if she had an orgasm, she would say "I think so. It sort of built up and then released."

When I read this forum, it makes me wonder, and feel bad. If this is not the best she can have, then I feel really ashamed.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

fightforher said:


> I ask her about her climax. She generally says "it was ok." When I asked her in the past if she had an orgasm, she would say "I think so. It sort of built up and then released."


If she doesn't even know herself whether she has had an orgasm, then she is not very in tune with her own sexuality. So maybe you arent rocking her world --but apparently even she doesn't know how to be rocked.

The good news is that if she is open, and you are willing and patient, she can learn. It might take a bit of time, though, and ability to meet her pace and direction.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

norajane said:


> He can ask, but if she needs it to be quiet to concentrate on orgasm, all he'll get are the fake sounds she makes to please him and all she'll get is nothing since she won't be able to orgasm while acting.


Just curious, but if her sounds are an important element of what he enjoys about sex - then would you say the two are just incompatible?

I'd hate not hearing her, and I'd hate the thought of her "sacrificing" her orgasm so I could hear her. No win.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Just curious, but if her sounds are an important element of what he enjoys about sex - then would you say the two are just incompatible?
> 
> I'd hate not hearing her, and I'd hate the thought of her "sacrificing" her orgasm so I could hear her. No win.


If it's a significant problem for either of them, then yes, I'd say they aren't compatible sexually. They might be super-compatible in other ways, though, so that might mitigate matters. Or she might be vocal afterwards and tell him how awesome it was, etc. That might be enough to help him understand that he was rocking her world.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

norajane said:


> If it's a significant problem for either of them, then yes, I'd say they aren't compatible sexually. They might be super-compatible in other ways, though, so that might mitigate matters. Or she might be vocal afterwards and tell him how awesome it was, etc. That might be enough to help him understand that he was rocking her world.


My wife and I are like this, though not all the time. I think I rock my wife's world and I think she really enjoys it. She tells me she really enjoys it, but probably 50% of the time she is quiet and wants to lie still and concentrate on her orgasm. I have gotten frustrated about not receiving feedback and have asked her - embarrassed to say during the act a number of times - if she's enjoying it, getting close, etc. Then she tells me in an urgent voice to shutup! I don't know if the OP's case is very similar to mine or not, but if I pay more attention then I think she does give feedback - just not the way I want to see it. For example, my wife will regular shift herself around, raise her hips, lower her hips, lean slightly, etc to change the feelings that she feels. Also, I can feel her tighten her vagina up and relax it. 

I didn't read thru the whole thread well enough and thought the OP was someone else. Not sure who this is supposed to be directed to.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

norajane said:


> If it's a significant problem for either of them, then yes, I'd say they aren't compatible sexually. They might be super-compatible in other ways, though, so that might mitigate matters. Or she might be vocal afterwards and tell him how awesome it was, etc. That might be enough to help him understand that he was rocking her world.


I'd definitely need something. Maybe the after the fact words would be enough... I don't know, the quiet ones I've been with were quiet in all sexual respects.

I just know that not having confirmation would definitely cause me self-doubt eventually. Early in a relationship, it doesn't matter... "new" overrides everything else. But down the line, not having "proof" will get to me. I won't enjoy it as much and I'm going to begin thinking negatively. Its a personal weakness of mine I'm well aware.

And if I start thinking negatively, I might not even believe her anyway. It's a place I try hard to avoid, because I'll think myself into as much negativity as possible... that she's not really into it, that she's only saying this after the fact to protect my feelings... etc. That her motivation to do so is that she accepts a trade off of mediocre/poor sex for various non-sexual things she loves about me. Probably the result of how my marriage went, but I definitely have an insecurity there.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Not getting feedback is hurtful. Not necessarily the part of doubt or needing proof, but I the feeling of disconnected and not allowed into her inner circle. Just not feeling as close as I desire.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'd definitely need something. Maybe the after the fact words would be enough... I don't know, the quiet ones I've been with were quiet in all sexual respects.
> 
> I just know that not having confirmation would definitely cause me self-doubt eventually. Early in a relationship, it doesn't matter... "new" overrides everything else. But down the line, not having "proof" will get to me. I won't enjoy it as much and I'm going to begin thinking negatively. Its a personal weakness of mine I'm well aware.
> 
> And if I start thinking negatively, I might not even believe her anyway. It's a place I try hard to avoid, because I'll think myself into as much negativity as possible... that she's not really into it, that she's only saying this after the fact to protect my feelings... etc. That her motivation to do so is that she accepts a trade off of mediocre/poor sex for various non-sexual things she loves about me. Probably the result of how my marriage went, but I definitely have an insecurity there.


That would be you putting your own spin on her behavior, and that's on you. It's not really fair to dismiss what she's telling you in favor of your insecurities.

The other thing is, you may interpret moans and groans as you're rocking her world, but if that's your litmus test, you set yourself up to believe fake orgasms, too.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'd definitely need something. Maybe the after the fact words would be enough... I don't know, the quiet ones I've been with were quiet in all sexual respects.
> 
> I just know that not having confirmation would definitely cause me self-doubt eventually. Early in a relationship, it doesn't matter... "new" overrides everything else. But down the line, not having "proof" will get to me. I won't enjoy it as much and I'm going to begin thinking negatively. Its a personal weakness of mine I'm well aware.
> 
> And if I start thinking negatively, I might not even believe her anyway. It's a place I try hard to avoid, because I'll think myself into as much negativity as possible... that she's not really into it, that she's only saying this after the fact to protect my feelings... etc. That her motivation to do so is that she accepts a trade off of mediocre/poor sex for various non-sexual things she loves about me. Probably the result of how my marriage went, but I definitely have an insecurity there.


Married sex is a dynamic thing. It has hot periods, cold periods, a general decline as we get older, the woman hits menopause, the man starts getting ED effects.

If there is NO FEEDBACK during the thousand or so orgasms the marriage has start to finish....then the sex will be phenomenally dismal at the end. It is only with feedback, learning what is and is not working THAT DAY, can both partners attain bliss.

Giving hubby the missionary corpse act....is just not going to cut it.:rofl:


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

norajane said:


> That would be you putting your own spin on her behavior, and that's on you. It's not really fair to dismiss what she's telling you in favor of your insecurities.
> 
> The other thing is, you may interpret moans and groans as you're rocking her world, but if that's your litmus test, you set yourself up to believe fake orgasms, too.


I admit it's my own spin - my reason for the strong preference. I might even be the less common case. But I know myself, warts and weaknesses and all. I know I'm likely to disbelieve in spite of what I'm told "after", because I will rationalize the worst reasons for why she has to "tell" me after, rather than "show" me during. It's definitely on me... I don't blame/slight anyone else for my preferences. I'm just not going to choose them, just as anyone might not choose me for a host of their own reasons.

I also acknowledge that my bias for "moans and groans" totally sets me up to believe fake orgasms - but again, I'm a horrible skeptic of my own sexual performance. So if it seems at all off, my brain is going to start getting in the way and I'm going to be enjoying myself less. I go into it knowing this... honest with myself and I want the same from her. If she's faking for my benefit she's not being honest, and is doing us both a disservice as she's communicating to me that what isn't actually working for her, actually is. She should just be honest and allow me to choose or not choose her true self on my own. I want a woman who is legitimately vocal in bed when she's experiencing pleasure (I'm not talking about needing a screamer). It doesn't make one wrong or broken for being silent, but it does inform me that she isn't what I need. In the long run, it will feed my insecurity and I'll implode the relationship. I believe its important to find compatible needs/preferences/behaviors... and these aren't always rational or controllable (trust me, I've tried). It's what *I* need from someone to feel more secure and satisfied. Some of such preferences are more flexible/negotiable than others. I don't want to force fit someone to my need, or force my needs to fit someone else. I want someone who matches, especially on certain critical areas... especially if they're unique areas of weakness for me that I've been unable to change.

I just know that for me, it will eventually cause me self-doubt... and I don't want that doubt. I'm awesome at acting like I have no doubts or insecurities, and I've totally conquered many, but this little sob lingers. I place too much importance on my sexual performance. I need her enthusiasm and sound, and I need to believe it's legitimate.

I dated one girl who was a screamer and said she had some 4 orgasms in like 10 minutes of sex. She's the opposite of the scale and I don't believe that sh.t either. Stepping out of my own mind for a moment trying to be objective about it, I can totally see my disbelief might just be my own self-doubt. The problem is that it doesn't matter - I'm incapable of believing it.

It is very much my problem and probably quite different from the general preference of men for sound. Others might be totally content with a complementary "after sex". And that's fine, I own my particular issue. But other attempts to mitigate having little to no effect, I address it in my selection of woman. I don't stay with the silent ones, or the over the top ones. I know both will leave me discontent and in doubt - and I hate being there. I stay with the ones I can believe.


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