# I think I want my ex husband back!



## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Hello everyone. I’m new here and I need some advice, or just someone to bounce ideas of f of. 

Well, I’m still in love with my ex-husband. I’ll call him Joe We were married for about 2 years and divorced 9 years ago. Nov. 15 would have been our 11 year anniversary. We have been talking on the phone lately and are considering getting back together. I still love him just as much as the day we got married. 

I live in Tennessee right now. We are originally from Texas but Joe is working in Louisiana right now. The distance isn’t the big problem right now, the fact that I have gotten remarried is the problem.

I am far from happy in my current marriage. My husband who I’ll call Dan has bad hygiene, we live with his mother (who I don’t like), they keep the house very messy and many other things. I try to keep the house fairly clean, but they won’t use trash cans! Dan promised to quit smoking before we got married, and said he did. I used to self injure, and I promised I’d stop doing that. I held up my end of the deal and take it very personally that Dan still smokes and told me many lies before I finally found out he still was smoking, just not around me. Dan lies about other things too. I could keep on…

When I was married to my Joe we had a lot of problems then. Really we were too young. When the good times were good, they were great. Irreplaceable. We had some of the greatest times together I’ve ever had. On our 2 year anniversary Joe told me he hated me and wanted me to leave. Not 2 weeks later I was gone. He begged me to come back but I was so angry that I didn’t. Honestly, it was the worst time in my life ever. I was so angry for another 2 years it took me that long to realize what I lost. When I realized I could grieve for Joe I came apart into a million pieces. After that I felt better, but I still had a sense of loss over him. I wanted to talk to him badly to at least get closure, but by then it was over 4 years later. I figured he still hated me anyway.

Fast forward to summer of 2007. I made a trip to Texas and I would be driving through the town Joe and I used to live in. I had a strange feeling that if I stopped at a certain gas station I would run into him. I had this feeling for months, maybe even a year. Wouldn’t you know, it happened. I thought I had seen Joe in the store but I wasn’t sure so I went to sit in my car. It had been 7 years since I’d seen him last. As it turns out it was him! Joe walked right up to my car window and started talking to me with a big smile on his face! We only talked for a few minutes, but he said he didn’t hate me anymore! This was such a relief to hear and I had my closure. 

I thought this would be enough, but I still over the next year thought about him quite a bit. This last summer in July I had to make a trip to Texas again to go to my Grandfathers funeral. On the way back though town I stopped at Joes family business to see how I could reach him. To my surprise, he was there! It was great. I got to talk to his family and they all treated me as if I was still family. Joe and I went out to eat that evening and caught up on everything that had happened since the divorce. He even apologized for all the mean things he had done to me back then and told me he was still in love with me and had been for years. We even talked about getting back together then. I told him I had gotten remarried but things had never gone too well.

Joe and I have since been talking on the phone and text messaging regularly. Lately things have been getting more and more serious. I am to the point where I need to make a final decision on what to do. If I make the move I need to figure out how to do it. I know Dan will be very upset. He doesn’t realize how the things he does affects me. I try to tell him, but he doesn’t get it. 

I really want Joe back, but I’m torn!

:scratchhead: sorry this book got so long!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

H8M32DAY said:


> Hello everyone. I’m new here and I need some advice, or just someone to bounce ideas of f of.
> 
> Well, I’m still in love with my ex-husband. I’ll call him Joe We were married for about 2 years and divorced 9 years ago. Nov. 15 would have been our 11 year anniversary. We have been talking on the phone lately and are considering getting back together. I still love him just as much as the day we got married.
> 
> ...


has all the earmarks of a romantic movie, except....

your married!!!!

you said "he doesn't realize how the things he does affect me."

we're guys, we're stupid...and like the song says "and it's 
prob-ly gonna happen agin..."

no, really. you must tell him about the hygeine issue. those who practice poor hygeine most often don't know "it's them." i worked with a guy, the biggest hearted s.o.b. you'd ever want to know. he had no idea how his lack of hygenics affected everyone around him. it was sad. and no one ever had the "guts" to tell him, because they were embarrassed for him.

also, remember, joe said he "hated" you. hate's a pretty strong word. what was that about?

fyi--i just had a chance encounter with an old love from 26 years ago. the long and short of it is we could have easily married back then, and didn't. she was the only other girl i ever loved, besides my wife. she's 10 years older than me, but the years have treated her well. my 46 years vs. her 56 years, she stood the test of time. I only say that because it comes up. but i had to pass even though we made a promise to one another on the night of our last date that we would look each other up "down the road just to let each other know things were okay." well things AREN'T okay, i'm separated. but i am still married. and trying to resolve issues. even though my feelings for her were and, as it turns out ARE strong, i had to pass. now i'll never see her again, but that's the way it's supposed to be.

sorry to ramble, but i hope my perspective sheds some light on how i feel about your circumstances.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

He knows very well about the hygene issue. He refuses to brush his teeth and hair regularly. His teeth are so bad that when I had dental insurance through my last job I talked him into seeing a dental surgeon and he had to have 9 of them either cut out or pulled!

He was supposed to go back after his mouth healed and get the rest of them cleaned and get some fillings but he didn't. Then I got laid off from my job and we couldn't afford to. I have to beg him to brush his teeth if he ever does. He has hair down to the middle of his back and he says he is too tired to brush it every night. I try to brush it sometimes but I've been working evening shift and don't get home in time to.

Sometimes I think he just dosen't care.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I got to wonder...why did you marry Dan?!? Settling? Were you/he actually in love? Did none of his traits show up while you were dating? How could you have dated a man that didn't brush his teeth? yuck!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

As I always recommend people need to end one relationship before the start a new one. That gives you a better opportunity to see clearly. The situation you are in now sounds horrid. Personal with me, I can’t stand to be around people with bad hygiene. The same with messy houses. While you feel you are still in love with Joe could it be that he simply represents a better option then where you are now? You and Joe split for a reason and it sounds as if it was pretty ugly. After the initial euphoria fades will you be back into the same mode. Try to fix your marriage first and if that can’t work out divorce and take some time before you jump into something else. Good luck.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Dan was a lot cleaner when we were dating than before we got married. When we'd go out he'd clean up and look nice. That's another thing, he dosen't want to take me out anymore either. He says he'll take me bowling or out to dinner, then it never happens. Also when we first married his mom didn't live with us and I had better control of the house. It has gone all to heck since she moved back and brought the messiness out in both of them

With Joe, he was 17 when we got married. He didn't take it as serious as I did. He has since been married and divorced to what he calls a "psycho". Joe told me he didn't know how good he had it with someone who cares for and respects him. He also said he misses how clean I was and has taken after me in cleaning and organization. He has also gone to counseling on how to stay married and treat poeple.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Personally, I really don't think you should be with Dan OR Joe.

Dan sounds absolutely gross to live with (poor hygiene, bad teeth, messy house, and his mother living there too!). And what's to stop Joe from telling you he hates you again two years from now, like last time?

Whatever you decide, you should take your time about it. If you ditch Dan and go back to Joe, date him for a good long while before you jump back into marriage.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

http://youtu.be/_-T_v2LDXCM


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Personally, I really don't think you should be with Dan OR Joe.
> 
> Dan sounds absolutely gross to live with (poor hygiene, bad teeth, messy house, and his mother living there too!). And what's to stop Joe from telling you he hates you again two years from now, like last time?
> 
> Whatever you decide, you should take your time about it. If you ditch Dan and go back to Joe, date him for a good long while before you jump back into marriage.


Happy, this thread is 6yrs old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Forget Joe - he once said he hated you and that is a pretty strong word to use on a wife! What was that about ? Could happen again.

Drop Dan - seems you got tricked into marrying him and he certainly isn't ideal for you.

Go out and start again and get a lot cleverer at picking men and the right man!


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Hey guys. This thread is from 2008 👀

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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