# Need help



## philvoid (Sep 16, 2015)

My wife cheated on me 2 yrs ago. At first she was in complete denial and accused me of abusive behavior while I was in all my pain after discovery. She fortunately has turned 180 degrees and we are going to counseling.

Here is my problem..............I found out that she went away with her lover to Las Vegas for a weekend. I am working hard on forgiving, but should I ever place myself in a position where I go back to Vegas just because she wants to? I feel like this would severely mess with my mental and emotional well being. What to do???????


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Try to keep your story to one thread. It is easier for the folks at TAM to follow it and offer you help.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

The first question I need to ask you is why do you want to forgive her after what she put you through. Is she worth it? What is holding you to a woman who clearly rejected you and disrespected you for so long? I think you need to honestly answer that first.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

phil

How old are you and your Wife?

Do you have kids?

How long are you married?

Was her affair long term or short?

Why did she do a 180 and decide to come clean?

Who was her affair partner?

And yes you should bang her brains out in Vegas from one side of the strip to the next if you get the opportunity.

But first give us some more details.

HM


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## philvoid (Sep 16, 2015)

We are each 50. 2nd marriage for each so no kids. married since June 2005. the affair was just a few months but her behavior afterward just made things worse. The affair partner was a wealthy business man in town. She told me it took her 2 yrs to get her head around how much she hates herself for hurting me the way she did


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## philvoid (Sep 16, 2015)

I am focusing on forgiveness which I realize comes only to the strong and not to the weak - ghandi


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I would file for divorce and let her dance for the judge. If she is not remorseful and does not own up to what she did then I would not want to be with her for another day. 

You can always stop the divorce if she owns up to her affair and starts to put a real effort in your marriage. Me personally once is a enough for me. I would put her back out on the lot and look for a newer and younger model to take to Vegas and make my own memories. 

That is just me.

Clay


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Philvoid,

Truth seeker is correct you need to combined the two threads into one. You also need to place your posts on other threads here. Use the qoute function to do so. It seems as though you are trying to dance around issues to avoid judgements. It never works. 
Here is what I have pieced together.

2005 At the age of forty you and your wife both remarried for the second time.

2013 after only eight years of marriage she entered into an adulterous relationship for several months with a well know wealth man which included at least one know trip to las Vegas. 

Mixed in was an additional adulterous affair with a Fifty year old widow. 

2013 to 2015 she made your life hell by refusing to accept responsibility for her actions. .

Why are you here? You must know the how and the why to move forward. This is truth: your past is your future unless you change it. To change your future you need to know the what and the how. 

Why did both of your frist marriage's fail? Did she cheat on her first husband? Because of het multiple adulterous relationships she cannot claim privacy, just as a person with an addiction to gambleing, alcohol or drugs cannot. You must verify. 

You have received excellent advise by several posters, the problem is it may or may not apply. 

Hunter wisdom, it makes no sense to go rabbit hunting with a shot gun.

Some where in the mix


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Second marriage for both of oyu and I can bet that she cheated on her first.
She was in affair with this man because he got some money and he payed for the trip to Las Vegas.

Your wife WANTED this affair because she fancy good places and now that is over you are PLAN B my friend,simple as that.


Sorry but you should file for Divorce a long time ago.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

philvoid said:


> My wife cheated on me 2 yrs ago. At first she was in complete denial and accused me of abusive behavior while I was in all my pain after discovery. She fortunately has turned 180 degrees and we are going to counseling.
> 
> Here is my problem..............I found out that she went away with her lover to Las Vegas for a weekend. I am working hard on forgiving, but should I ever place myself in a position where I go back to Vegas just because she wants to? I feel like this would severely mess with my mental and emotional well being. What to do???????


This is just my opinion, but any woman who accuses me of abuse that never happened (never has, never will, but was accused of it during a custody battle....and i will never forgive that) will get her permanent walking papers. And to do so to blameshift her affair? She'd be lucky if she wasn't digging all of her belongings out of the trash the next day. 

Not only would I never go to Vegas with her, she'd never go again on her own. 

I would ditch her and then go to Vegas and make an attempt to screw some hottie in every hotel on the strip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So do you have access to her phone? No passwords on her electronics? She's going to therapy with you? She doesn't go anywhere without telling you where?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

philvoid said:


> We are each 50. 2nd marriage for each so no kids. married since June 2005. the affair was just a few months but her behavior afterward just made things worse. The affair partner was a wealthy business man in town. She told me it took her 2 yrs to get her head around how much she hates herself for hurting me the way she did


Hypergamy and she took it.
Find a better replacement.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Though some might disagree with you decision you have chosen the path of forgiveness, so good for you. Based on this OP only about the going to Vegas, if it bothers you, tell your WW of the impact on you and just do not go. She has to understand that otherwise she is not as remorseful as she says, period. Maybe in time, it will not have such an emotional or mental impact. There are so many other places to go to, why put yourself through that?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

philvoid said:


> Here is my problem..............I found out that she went away with her lover to Las Vegas for a weekend. I am working hard on forgiving, but should I ever place myself in a position where I go back to Vegas just because she wants to?


It would be a gamble and the odds are against it being a winning hand in favor of your mental and emotional well being. Seriously, you'd be crazy to let her rope you into that trip. Time to say no your little chickadee my man.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bad behavior has consequences...you may as well tell your old lady that there is no longer such a place called Vegas....her choices caused you to no longer recognize this place ever existed.

So the next time she wants to talk about Vegas she will need to tell you what her and her lover did there so you can refresh your memory in that city ever existed. The next time she talks about Vegas ask when was the last time she was there and who she was with.


My point is if she is as shameful and humiliated as she says she is she will never bring up that town again if she know you will make reference to her affair when she does.

This my friend is when you throw her affair back in her face until she gets the hint that Vegas is no longer an option due to her bull shyt choices.

It sound like your old lady doesn't have a clue about triggers and until she has to face some of her own triggers she just won't get it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Been corresponding on your other thread.

You absolutely have the final say in going to Vegas or not.

She blew it when she blew the OM in Vegas.

She has to understand she destroyed the opportunity to go places that she was busily destroying your marriage in.

Her energies need to be focused on helping you heal and that means making new memories in different "undefiled" locations.

She needs to understand this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Phil,

Sorry Phil... but the truth is you only know 1/2 of it. It was more than likely Vegas, Reno, Tahoe. Regarding affairs... it's always worse than the admitted.

BTW, try to stay to a single thread.


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