# Struggling and need help...



## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

I jumped into a marriage soon after I got a divorce from my ex of 26 years. I married a girl who was 27 years younger than me that I met @ work and now after 19 months of marriage, she has moved out on February 4th. I am 55 , she is 28.

She wanted to move out but "still work on the marriage" by still dating each other exclusively and giving it time. After about a week or two of that she informed me that she no longer wants to be married but is still willing to give it time and see.My biggest problem is she constantly plays on her Iphone ALL the time and I fell neglected. She criticizes me and we don't get along very well but claims she still loves me. She went out for her friend's birthday Thursday night without me which was fine. We went out to a movie on Friday and although we had made no plans, I asked her what about Saturday since my son was going to be home for spring break. She informed me she had plans and was going to a party. I asked if I might could tag a long and she refused since I would have a miserable time, would get bored and she wanted to enjoy her time without worrying about me. So, I'm not good enough to be around her friends evn while she's just talking and hanging out??I asked if she realized how awful this was and how it made me feel and she said yes she realized it but would not reconsider.

After the movie, I told her that I needed a break from this. I have lost her respect and that I have become a begging person constantly wanting her attention and love. I need to get my dignity back in check. I am in good shape and been told I'm a nice looking guy with a good job. I have a lot of positives that I can offer I know.I have been too generous to a fault and now I realize that she wants her cake and eat it too.When I asked her if I was her security blanket, she said that she considered herself as being mine. Does that mean you're letting me down easy or what? No she still loves me. ???

I told her that right now I'm way down the priority list from her kids (which I understand should be #1), herself (selfish), her friends, family and then maybe me although her new dog may have overridden even that spot. 
Yet, she still says she loves me. WTF?

I have not been doing the stalking thing or constantly calling, etc...She still texts me and says she misses me. She just now sent me a text about her new job, etc..She keeps dragging me back in only for me to be hurt and disappointed.

Should I just say it's over ? How much time should I give it ? Will I ever get it back to where she WANTS me around all the time? I'm just so tore up. I'm thinking about going on an anti-depressant even with all the side effects.

Thank God my son is home with me this week.

Thanks in advance for your perspective. God knows I need someone to give me the staright scoop since I really don't have a lot of close friends. I made her my life and now it's come to this. :scratchhead:


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

At 28 she may not be mature enough to even be married. She loves you, but she loves her freedom. My suggestion is to take a proactive stance - such as counseling to see what the truth really is. 

Tell her you would prefer to not have outside contact until you get a few counseling sessions under your belt. At least that way you won't keep getting sucked in or tempted to call her and you'll have time to decide if a young adult is truly going to be the best choice for you for a wife.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Thank you for the response. I've started counseling. It's going to be extremely difficult not to answer the phone or texts. She also still wants to have sex and date even after I was so hurt with not being around my friends deal.

Somehow, I've got to stop this endless circle.

Thanks again.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

You're welcome. It doesn't sound like it will be easy, but having sex and dating is not being married. It's good that you are pursuing the counseling, that should help a lot either way it turns out.


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