# Value of a dollar for those of us currently broke and your spouse



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Has anyone successfully gotten their spouse to understand the value of a dollar? I think we are getting there, H is finally feeling our current money crunch situation... So he see's that even the smallest of reckless spending matters. For instance, a $20 a fish. We don't NEED a companion for our Roseline shark because she's a schooling fish. It took about a year of this financial struggle for him to finally get it. Hopefully by the new year we can at least stop living from paycheck to paycheck and cash advances.
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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Do you and your husband have spending money that each of you can spend how you want? I know with my husband's spending money, he's more careful because he knows thats all he has for the next week or two. If he was allowed to spend money out of the general fund, he'd be out of control


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

We don't have ANY extra money lol, we're broke beyond belief. We set it up bank wise, and that WAS the plan. We haven't been able to afford to do that yet.
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

And we both make decent money. We are still trying to catch up on past bills and current bills. We're living on money we'll be making next month. According to our income to debt ratio, we should have at least a thousand left over each month for groceries, gas, odds and ends. But it hasn't happened yet!
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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

We are in a cash strapped situation ourselves. I am on unemployment and am in school. We do have one child (you didn't mention any kids.) One thing we (actually I) make sure we do, is use our tax refund to supplement our income. Meaning, we don't go blow it on the latest thing, then end up mad the rest of year. We used it to move into a two bedroom apartment and pay the additional rent for the next year. We also paid off as much debt as we could (couldn't pay it all, but we (I) knocked a nice chunk of it out.) I would say since tax time is coming up the next month, think of ways to use it wisely to get you all through the year and be able to enjoy or accomplish goals. Maybe you can use that money to have spending money for each of you. $100 per month month for each of you for a year is $2,400. If you all get at least that much back then you can use it for that. Trust me, if you like to spend some type of money, spending it all at one time with nothing left throughout the rest of year won't make for a happy situation. 

Also in regards to your taxes, instead of getting a fat refund at the end of the year, you can adjust your pay deductions to be less so you all can have more money in your pocket throughout the year. 

I don't know what type of bills you all have, but with our utility bills, I always pay the minimum to avoid high late fees or disconnection. This usually means we pay a month behind. So, if your total bill for this month is $100 but the company only charges a fee for balances over $30, I would pay only $70 and continue to keep the balance of $30 on the account every month. We end up paying a little less instead of having to stress over a large bill every month. You only do this if this works for you though. 

We tried the whole extreme budget diet where all we did was pay bills and really didn't have and fun spending money. Honestly, it would work for me but it did not work for my husband. So the $100 monthly spending money each is what we do. Nothing more as the remainder of the money needs to go towards the household and paying debt (and staying out of anymore debt.)


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

This tax refund is going to pay last years taxes. We did the adjustment for withholdings in 2010, turned out it was too little withholding. But we adjusted again in order for a return this year to cover what we owe the IRS. We have two children, both are in the early stages of potty training, so we'll save a little monthly not having to buy diapers. 

Like you, I'm fine with no spending money, but my H has problems with it. Honestly we both have problems when we get a lump sum of money, I think that has caused a lot of this. For instance, in the past when H would make an extra 100 on his check, we'd run out and buy a ladder shelf we'd been wanting. Our house is nice, there's absolutely nothing we need in here until we can comfortably afford it. We need to remember that and get rid of some of the small bills we pay each month. Those small bills can hurt when you add them all up.

Thank you for the ideas 
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am of the belief that depending on how you were raised to deal with $$ -this often comes into marriage, and it takes an AWFUL LOT OF DISCIPLINE to overcome spending habits that are ingrained- for years. 

People seem to be either spenders (not worrying about the credit accumulating-they want what they want NOW ).... or Thrifty Savers- where it bothers them excrusiatingly to OWE, peace of mind & sacrifice rules thier descions more so. Somewhere in the middle of that would probably be decently healthy. I am kind of extreme, I hate TO own anyone anything, it keeps me from sleeping at night, I would take on 3 jobs to get rid of debt. It is just the way I think. Thankfully my husband is on the same page or it would probably drive me crazy! 

Have him start listening to the Suze Ormon show . Some of the people who are on there seem to make mega bucks so it can be a little hard to relate too -if you are lower income, but still much can be learned. If you listen to this stuff ENOUGH, a new mindset and goals may be able to be kicked in . 

Once you start saving just a little.. and seeing it grow and grow... it is very motivating. But make no mistake, you will also feel the "sacrifice" of not buying some of the things you are used to enjoying -on the spot. *Learning to delay gratification is a big part of this*. This book may be helpful : Amazon.com: The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke (9781594482243): Suze Orman: Books 

Dave Ramsey has a good radio show to listen too, he writes some good books too -to get you started with some disciplined goals : Amazon.com: The Financial Peace Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Restoring Your Family's Financial Health (9780140264685): Dave Ramsey: Books


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Thanks SA The Spender is my H! I was a Thrifty Saver. I've migrated towards being a Spender. That's where we started getting in trouble. I am moving back towards being Thrifty, whereas he has done a little better, there's still a little bit more to be done. Thank you for the recommendations!
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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Luckily both hubby and I are not big spenders and rarely buy things we don't need. Since we pay an extra $2000 just for health insurance out of pocket, it leaves us behind in our bills every month. January is coming up quickly, so hopefully we will be able to catch up in our debt just from living frugal. We are changing our health plan. When we have the extra money, it's spent on taking the family vacations.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hubs is a WIZ with money, just like my dad was. Investing, saving, etc.

We are having money issues because he wasn't working for that month, but in a couple months, we'll be ok. He internalizes it that he's a failure, but I assure him he's not.

I was with someone before who had money issues...credit cards maxed and for no reason! No good.

I'm a good budgeter...but...I have a hard time staying away from Target. LOL!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Since we pay an extra $2000 just for health insurance out of pocket, it leaves us behind in our bills every month


My husband seriously stayed at a lousy paying job for 18 long years JUST BECAUSE of the Health Benefits package. I really feel for people who have to pay these out of pocket, it makes it so difficult to get ahead -if at all, if you are lower income, you might as well put a fork into it. 

For us, the Health Benefits determined the Jobs he would accept, he passed up some higher paying jobs just because it would have cost us more ! He finally landed a much better paying job with a similar health package, including dental & eye - but for a time, we wondered if it would ever happen. 

This job, they only take out $200 a month and this covers our family of 8 !! After that, we are only responsible for our Co-pays if we stay in network. Last job, nothing was taken out, just had to cover those co-pays. 

Health Benefits when you have a family, it can really break you. If we didn't have coverage, we would never be able to afford to live.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband seriously stayed at a lousy paying job for 18 long years JUST BECAUSE of the Health Benefits package. I really feel for people who have to pay these out of pocket, it makes it so difficult to get ahead -if at all, if you are lower income, you might as well put a fork into it.
> 
> For us, the Health Benefits determined the Jobs he would accept, he passed up some higher paying jobs just because it would have cost us more ! He finally landed a much better paying job with a similar health package, including dental & eye - but for a time, we wondered if it would ever happen.
> 
> ...


I understand this. My husband's last job was a union job that had VERY low premiums. It was a blessing! He was getting paid a bit less than he is now and the job was starting to become unstable (as far as hours getting cut and possibly losing benefits.) One of the realities we had to face when he changed jobs was that even though he was going to be a better job with a better company and with more pay, the pay increase would go towards the new insurance premium as they increased over $300. Yikes! Your husband is doing a great thing by continuing to make sure the family is covered. We're covered, but it costs.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hubs is a WIZ with money, just like my dad was. Investing, saving, etc.
> 
> We are having money issues because he wasn't working for that month, but in a couple months, we'll be ok. He internalizes it that he's a failure, but I assure him he's not.
> 
> ...


Target would get me too!!! I just stay away. I don't even go in there. After I get finished with school, it will be all better and even then, I'm going have to make sure I reel in my Target spending.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Thanks SA The Spender is my H! I was a Thrifty Saver. I've migrated towards being a Spender. That's where we started getting in trouble. I am moving back towards being Thrifty, whereas he has done a little better, there's still a little bit more to be done. Thank you for the recommendations!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope you're taking advantage of couponing, coupon blogs (which make it uber easy) discount shopping sites, and amazon.com. Things like this help to make Thrifty living easier and stretch your dollar so you can get more of what you need and want.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Has anyone successfully gotten their spouse to understand the value of a dollar? I think we are getting there, H is finally feeling our current money crunch situation... So he see's that even the smallest of reckless spending matters. For instance, a $20 a fish. We don't NEED a companion for our Roseline shark because she's a schooling fish. It took about a year of this financial struggle for him to finally get it. Hopefully by the new year we can at least stop living from paycheck to paycheck and cash advances.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hubs and I met young. I've always been good with managing finances. This was not his strong point. I wouldn't combine our bank accounts until I'd seen a commitment from him that showed more financial responsibility. I suggested we freeze his credit card (literally put it in the freezer) to demonstrate how much he relied on spending money he didn't have. 

I would sometimes lend him money and always made him pay it back. I had an ongoing tally that I kept on the fridge. It wasn't that I needed it back - it was about the discipline. 

He improved, we combined bank accounts but there was still work to be done. I don't think we'll ever quite view finances the same but there's a wonderful balance in this. Sometimes I can be a tight-ass (mostly with myself) and he's more willing to live a little and take risks. Balance is key.

We've had ups and downs with our different approaches but just the other day, when he was talking of getting a new car, I bit my tongue that wanted to respond that I didn't think we needed the car he wanted to get and instead asked if he'd set out a budget for us that we could work with and look at together. He did this and he looked at the best financial options. It took a lot of stress off my shoulders and the balance was there. 

I guess first he became aware of his spending habits. And later he respected the all-mighty budget and figuring out how to afford what he wanted.


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