# Finally Doing It - Scared of Husband



## summerB (Aug 31, 2011)

I have been on here for years, posting only when things have been at their worst. Since late 2012, the emotional abuse from my husband has increased and I have finally retained a lawyer to draft a separation agreement. The attorney is working on it right now and I am actively looking for a place to live. 

My husband has always been an angry communicator, but he has started to yell and swear at me. On two occasions, he intentionally threw and broke something of mine to "show me what it is like to feel how he feels". He has started ordering me around in front of DD. Correcting me if he feels l haven't left her in time out long enough, or yelling at me when he feels I should address her behavior and haven't. He has also started monitoring my time on the computer and checking my search histories. If he calls and I don't answer the phone, he grills me until I apologize and promise not to do it again. All of this behavior is followed up by the sweetest, most considerate behavior. However, when he touches me or tries to be kind to me I feel sick. I have so much anxiety it is becoming difficult for me to eat. 

We have been in marriage counseling, but it hasn't helped. He refuses to admit to any part in our marriage problems and actually yelled at our MC when it was pointed out that he was being dishonest. The MC told me all he can help me do is learn how I can control/ change my behavior to function in our marriage. He says that just because H does the wrong thing, doesn't mean I can to. 

Anyway, the lawyer is drafting the agreement. My problem is that I am scared about how to approach H with the agreement and tell him I am leaving. I am worried that he will blow up or that it will put him over the edge. I thought about telling him in front of someone, but who? What do I do after I tell him? Move into the guest bedroom and keep my head down?

He will have 10 days to sign it or counter it with his own lawyer. The letter from the lawyer that will accompany the agreement will direct H to have any further communication regarding the separation with my lawyer. What do I do during those 10 days? My parents think I should leave it on the table with a letter and just take DD and leave for the 10 day period. However, where I live, just leaving is considered abandonment and is the only "fault" a spouse can have in an otherwise no-fault divorce state. 

I don't want to put myself or DD in danger. I also don't want to haul her to a women's shelter or anything overly dramatic. But I live in a state over 6 hours from any family and in his hometown. I am so confused and scared. The only thing I am sure of is that I am going through with the separation. Any advice or insight is appreciated.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Leave first and have him served with it the same day.


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