# Why we shouldn't be too modest



## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

In this forum, we often talk about "integrated man". Here is a good article from BBC that can add into that perspective, what's healthy or what's not.

Why we shouldn't be too modest

We do have a current discussion ongoing on this just in another thread: https://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/429011-low-self-esteem-men.html

The BBC article does provide a reasoning why it is important to have a healthy dose of pride, based on accomplishment of personal goals, and not "hubris pride" which is founded on low self-esteem.




> ….the pride that people thought they’d feel if they were strong, good storytellers, or able to defend themselves, closely matched the admiration those qualities received….
> 
> …..the trick is to distinguish between hubristic pride – which is associated with aggressiveness, low self-esteem, and having few friends – and what she calls “authentic pride”, which is what we feel when we’re accomplishing our goals and feeling confident about our self-worth…
> 
> …..people who have authentic pride in their successes actually navigate the world beautifully: they “have great social relationships, they tend to have high self-esteem, they are closely connected to their relationship partners, they have ideal personality profiles"


What do you think?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I prefer humility, although that's probably because it is something I'm really, really good at. I generally only show pride late in the summer, just before the fall.

There is a difference between pride and hubris, between feeling good about what you've accomplished and bragging. I suspect that most people like those that accomplish things and are proud of their accomplishments but few people like those that brag about them.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You need a careful balance of both.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> “If you’re going to invest your time in cultivating a particular skill, you’re going to be better off cultivating skills that other people value,” she says.


I disagree. 




> A display of pride “advertises your successes”, points out Daniel Sznycer, a psychology professor at the University of Montreal and the study’s lead author. “Otherwise, I don’t know what your success is, and I don’t know how much I should value you.”


Value all life, not just those who do what you think is best, and you will be a valuable person.

I take it this is communal thinking. As we are all individuals, these thoughts make me feel worthless. I don't want to be just like everyone else, and it is not fair to expect me to be. Life is more than just one type of person and attempting to please everyone is detrimental to my own mental health. I can only be who I am. If you don't like or accept me, that's okay. Just don't try to force me to be someone I'm not, nor conform to your arrogance that says I must be like everyone else and please them. 

This is a recipe for codependency and deep unhappiness.


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