# Pregnant and going through a divorce



## mommyofalmost3 (Jan 9, 2014)

I am 19 weeks pregnant. We have a 2 year old daughter that has never been away from me for any length of time. I also have a 6 year old little girl that was raised by this man. A few weeks ago (right before Christmas) he fired me from the family business. He has already had to file BK on his previous business so the business, our home and my car are all in his parents name. He has always been so verbally abusive towards me but knowing how manipulative and vindictive he is and everything else he is capable of I have been terrified of divorcing him. He is also 14 years older than I am. He took his other two children from both of their mothers by doing whatever he could to destroy them. So the day after he fired me and there was a huge fight at the house and I was over having it around the little girls. We had planned on going to my Aunt's house the weekend before Christmas but given the issues we left one day early. When we got about 30 miles out of town I sent him a text message that we were going to my aunts and he needed to do what he needed to do and take the steps he needed to take. We agreed he would have our two year old on Christmas Eve and I would get her back that night and have her for Christmas. He spoke with our two year old the whole time we were gone, received pictures and continued to send me his normal nasty text messages. When we were going to meet at a gas station which had cameras I was giving our daughter kisses and a lady tapped me on the shoulder and served me with a restraining order. I went 6 days without seeing or hearing from our daughter. He blocked me from all finances, the house, assets, everything. After I was able to come up with the retainer fee and get an emergency order filed we went to court. The restraining order had nothing in it that my text messages did not prove to be a lie, his biggest complaint was that I said he was an a$$hole. There was no fear of anything regarding me etc. He was expecting me to just roll over and wait until the 13th and be in control like his other two wives. He talks very well, is great at playing the victim to anyone and EVERYONE that will listen to him. He depends on his parents for EVERYTHING. I am still without income, staying in a friends room with my children. We have a temporary order and it is about 50/50. He has never cared for her. Today at drop off she wouldn't look at him and screamed bloody murder when he took her from me screaming for me. Since this started I have lost 15 pounds of weight that I had gained which I am usually walking around at 108pd. I am depressed, alone, and so confused why he would do this to the girls let alone me while I am pregnant. He is wanting to keep the restraining order so when I text him regarding our daughter which our paper work clearly states is what we are suppose to do, he immediately says I am harassing him. I am very careful of what I say to him when I rarely even text him. I have left so many of the details out but this is the jist of it. I just don't understand how a 42 year old man could do this. I just don't understand. It hurts so bad knowing how traumatized my children are becoming from this. I have yet to be at the house to get any of our belongings even though the order says I can I just don't want there to be any issues. I feel so broken. I don't know what to think or how to stop thinking about how he could do this. Or why he is being so disgusting. Anyone have any insight how I can try and breathe a little and make it through this??? Please


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

You have come to the right place and there are many knowledgeable people here that will come along and give you great advice. I'm dealing with a vindictive monster of a man at this time, too. This website has helped me out a lot. Visit here often and read the threads. Sending positive thoughts your way.


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

mommyofalmost3,

Wow, you have a 'professional victim'. Lovely, aren't they? The only advice I can give is this:

Stay true to yourself. Don't rise to his bait. Be the best person you can be and go to bed at night _knowing_ that you did what you felt was right that day - regardless of what he has done. Their lies and manipulations always crash around them at some point... it just might take a while. In the meantime, those who care will see that you are the better person. Even better, YOU will know it. Those who don't... who cares what they think?

Get a shark for an attorney. You want someone familiar with every dirty trick that might be pulled. Be ready for them.

... and get ready to fight. My first wife was the same as your husband - and I was put through the ringer. The advice I am giving you is first hand. Don't be ugly, but don't ever show any weakness or give up. Be strong. Eventually you will be happy again - and you will wonder what you ever saw in him. When that day comes you will be able to look yourself in the eye and be proud of the good, strong, caring woman you are.

...and he will still be a miserable a$$hole.

I am sorry you are having to go through this.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I do agree with Honorbound. 

Stick to the basics. Get a lawyer and keep a journal of all your communications you have with your stbxH. Do allow him to bait you at all. Don't be anywhere alone with him either. 

Its absolutely horrible people even are able to get away with these things. You need to keep things as calm as possible while you are pregnant. 

I am really sorry you are going through this. 

Clay


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## mommyofalmost3 (Jan 9, 2014)

Thank you so much for the responses. He blocked me from 6 local attorneys by calling them and/or paying their consultation fee. I was in an emergency rush to find an attorney and considering he blocked me from selling anything and any money I had to ask family for help. I found an attorney I like and is much cheaper than the others but you always here you get what you pay for. I believe he is doing a great job, I'm just worried he doesn't really know what he's up against. I for one don't have any money to retain someone else. Why couldn't we have just gotten a divorce and been done with it? I know another question I will never understand the answer to. I will make it through this and I will be much stronger but golly it's so full of so many mixed emotions that I am trying to understand. A bad person is a bad person and it just seems like he always has a way to get what he wants. Such a shame he has to do this to this young family.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I agree with everyone else. Stay strong, fight for what is owed to you. Keep a log of everything and all of your communication should be via e-mail where you can save copies as proof. No phone calls and no texts because you can't keep copies of it. Stay strong and protect yourself and your kids.


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

Your attorney should be able to help you. It is not right that he 'blocked you from all finances, the house, everything'. I would think something could be done about that...

If the house was already his before the marriage, that is one thing... but if it wasn't, he has no right to kick you out of it... and any money in a joint account is half yours.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Mommy - your lawyer can file something called Sole Use & Possession claim with the courts so you can use the house. A court date would be set and the judge would definitely give you use of the house because of the kids and that you're pregnant. That would force your H to move out of the house but still be financially responsible for the house. My lawyer told me I could do that if my STBXH wouldn't move out.


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