# To hell with this I am standing my ground!



## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Ok almost 8 years in 3 of them married and I am always being the bigger person when it comes to arguments. I am always the one to say hey lets sit down and talk about this. If you leave it to him we would walk around the house for weeks giving each other the silent treatment.

I hate what we go through after an argument. Its like two ships passing in the night. He gets angry and dismisses me so that pisses me the hell off and I dismiss him. That whole notion of not going to bed angry does not exist in my house. Trying to sleep or exist in our house after a fight or disagreement is painful to me becasue I feel terrible inside and uncomfortable. I am in the guess room watching tv and he is in our bedroom watching tv usually the longest I will let it go on is a night. Usually he is the one in the wrong so I wait to see if he will do the right thing like a man and say 'babe listen I am sorry I truly do apologize" wait for it, wait for it, wait for it and nothing. The only way he will is if he goes and gets a few beers or stop at the bar near our house on the way home and throw back a few shots.

Oh when he has a bit of liquor in him he is instantly sorry and he thinks some sex will put things back right. Well you know what not this time. I don't want a liquor enduced apology I want a sober apology and I want to talk really talk about what he did that hurt by feelings. 2 days ago we got into it, again he did something really freaking stupid, has me really pissed since then. As usual he didnt apologize he had a few brews and did the hey babe I f'd up I am sorry I love you and I am not buying it why is the only way he can apologize after a few drinks. Its hard to take it serious when I know he has been drinking. I am tired of being the bigger person and patching things up even when he is the reason it all got out wack to begin with.

Not this time my girlfriend said now you know us women always gotta be the bigger person and men are stubborn but I am sorry thats not always the case. I need him to man up. I pushed off his tipsy apology and oh baby I love you last night and went to bed without a word said. This morning fully sober he is back to giving me the cold shoulder for not accepting his apology.

Wow are we 36 or are we 5yrs old again cause thats what it feels like.

Sorry just needed to vent......

Communication has to get better in our marriage seriously or we wont see a 4th yr.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

print this up and show him.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

I feel for you... I used to be like you, accepting to keep the peace, get it over with, blah.blah.blah...

Now, 20 years later it has left me angry, bitter and resentful to the point that I wanted to be a "walk away wife". I was just tired of sweeping things under the rug and pretending it didn't hurt me. 

I have recently accepted my part in this fiasco. I can't rug sweep things and then be pissed at him. We've been together since we were late teens/early twenties and he's still wanting to fight like that. I said no more, it gets worked out or I'm moving on, I can't put anything else under my rug. At first he was resistent and just wanted us to "pretend" that the issues weren't there. I calmly packed a bag and told him that I'd see him in a few days, that I couldn't continue with the silent treatment punishment and then him randomly talking to me like nothing ever happened. 

Lucky for me, he saw that I was serious and so we've been slowly cleaning out our rug... most of the time it feels like we're using a paint brush that you get with the kindergarten water paint set when I'd rather use a giant push broom... but we're getting there 

Hang in there and be firm in what you believe you deserve... What you allow WILL continue...


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Been there, done that. Often.

Start by telling him how much it frustrates you.

No liquor-induced "I'm sorry" sex, and tell him why: "I don't feel very close to you right now. When you sober up, I want to talk about it, then I'll feel close enough to you to have sex (or open up to you or however you phrase it)."---and follow up on that. You'll have to initiate the conversation, but if you keep it clear, simple, non-accusing, and then follow up with great sex, it can go miles for both of you.

My husband is very stubborn and used to do this all the time. And he *usually* does not come and apologize first after a fight. Usually I have to be the one to initiate the "talk things out" part. BUT: in the end it makes me feel better. AND, I've learned to keep it short. That's very important. AND, when I get what I need out of the talk, I make sure it is followed by very good sex. 
Clear, simple connection: 
you're nice and willing to listen to me -->sex


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

lovingsummer said:


> we've been slowly cleaning out our rug... most of the time it feels like we're using a paint brush that you get with the kindergarten water paint set when I'd rather use a giant push broom... but we're getting there


Love this analogy. I feel you. Baby steps, baby steps...


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