# need more advice



## mrburns (Mar 3, 2014)

So the last time i posted everyone was really helpful and i've tried my hardest to be the leader and set boundaries.. 

here is my post here

so it's been a few weeks and things have been better..so i thought... to keep things short yesterday we had a HUGE argument... and i know that she had a tough week cause i wear a lot of different "HATS" in life.. 
1) husband
2) father
3) we run our own side company
4) i go to school part time to get certifications
5) i work full time 
6) for the certifications i need they are for speaking in a youth group
7) a human that needs to play sports to keep sane

So this past week she had to stay home a lot with the baby.. cause when it rains it pours!
1) i have an essay due
2) client meetings with the side business
3) work everyday
4) spend time with that youth group
5) playoff hockey in my league on saturdays

so yes i recognize she did a lot to cover the house chores and baby a lot this week and like i said in my other post i am not very verbal... so i made sure i put the effort in saying thank you every day and thank you after every time i come home from a meeting and i tell her i appreciate her.. but for some reason she still thinks i don't recognize what she does for me.

yes.. because i am not verbal i don't have a very articulate way of putting together words... she wants to go hiking on saturdays and because of my hockey and or schooling and or meetings i wasn't able to and i said 

"there are only 2 more weeks of hockey left so we can do a lot more things on satudays" 

i guess that was the wrong thing to say as she's like "what?? that means i have to be with the baby 2 more weeks and not do anything on saturday for 2 more weeks?" 

so i understand now that it way to put it.. but it was too late.. 

When she yells i get into this negative ball of silence.. and it's not very good of me .. but it does feel like a snowball going down a hill and getting bigger in terms of her getting mad i am not responding fast enough ..

so long story short (if it is short) the argument escalated in the car on the way home from dinner with my family.. and i shouldn't do this but i do... i get so fed up with her swearing at me and telling i don't appreciate her and that i don't do anything in the house and that i am dumb and stupid.. that i blame everyone for why i am so negative and cannot take and admit my faults.... that i just say "THEN GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE"

so long argument etc .. baby is asleep and she comes down and says "sit down lets talk".. so i was expecting an apology.. and i was still upset.. and she says 

"i thought about divorcing you in the last year and i thought about it for 4 months before telling you about it, and for whatever reason i stayed, which doesn't matter, i want to give u a chance to tell me if you want or thought of getting a divorce...cause if you say u want to stay together...the next time u say to leave in spite i'm calling a lawyer the next day.."

and yes i remember her saying that and yes i remember the arguments that lead up to that.. but she said she thought about it for 4 months... i didn't realize this and she got even more mad when i told her cause she said it proves i don't pay attention... and that i don't even know why she stayed etc etc..

at this point i was so upset that i didn't know what was coming out of my mouth.. the thought of losing my son, my wife, my life changing completely were all running through my mind and she wanted me to think straight.. i said some stupid things that contradicted the next and it just put me into this REALLY bad hole... 

yes i do always try and go back and change the way things came out initially to fit the station which is bad.. have i thought about divorce? yes.. but would i do it? absolutely not.. but yet i told her that i have never thought about it ... she asked me if i meant what i said in the car about her finding someone and again me being stupid said "yes i did" .. she's not stupid and she caught on and said "then did u say u never thought about divorce?" again stupidly and angry still i said "i don't want to divorce u but i meant it"

and then she kept saying "what kind of person do you think i am to find someone else while still with my husband??" so yah i take full blame for the conversation at the table when she asked to talk..

but her saying she thought about divorce for 4 months and that i wasn't able to realize what she was going through and i was blind and that she would divoce me if i said to leave me in spite.. i took that as a threat.. but again no excuse for what came out of my mouth..

she waited for me after my shower but i just said to her "aren't you tired?" i know i shoulda talked to her but i couldn't .. she thought i was being prideful and i couldn't let go of my anger.. which was not true.. cause if she knew me she knows my anger never gets in the way of me saying sorry.. but i just didn't want me to say anything else stupid to get me into a bigger hole... 

so i dunno if this makes sense.. i am still pretty down about it and i just needed to type or talk it out .. i have no one close to vent to so it's just rotting inside of me..


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