# My young wife cheated on me -1 1/2 year marriage-



## TonyHg (Feb 20, 2014)

So ok, i'm 31 years old and my wife is 20; Everything was so weird when we got married i thought i didnt love her and starting to be a F-ing prick to her (never hit her) just i did not listen to her, care about her...when i got back form work the only thing i did was fall asleep til next day... things like that you know? I always saw her suffering, feeling like crap, loving me like no one have ever love me, just being a great, fun, loving, hard working girl...
Then, two weeks ago, saw her deleting all web history on her ipad, asked why? like a million times and then she told me ''im dating another guy'' .....but wait, i started to be the perfect husband for her for months ago, she was happy and all, rent a very nice apartment for her, paid for her community college, my family gave her all the support she needed because she have been through a lot of crap, really, A LOT (like her step father trying to rape her).
So ok, she said she was seeing somebody else and i snapped! never said cursed to her, i just went like crazy....
I forgot her, then, i was still with this Gigantic doubt in my head right, so i kept on asking, whats going on another 10k times, then she says: Yeah, i ****ed him, im so sorry, please forgive me blah blah blah
My question is, i want her back so freaking bad and i think i made her do that so i forgive her, really, i dont care..... thing is that she is not coming back home...for now, i dont know later.
AAAAAAAAAnd she has 2 reasons: She cares a lot for this guy because he listen to her, care about her blah blah, the other one is that she does not believe me that i can be that perfect husband i was for the last 4 months.
She is 21, not very smart (real life wise) and everything she tells me or do/did, is because of me.
Please help, i love her, she doesnt, only cares about me. And cant stop brain movies.
Please guys, any advice? 
Thanks


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## TonyHg (Feb 20, 2014)

She is 20 I'm sorry.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Let her go. You gave her no respect, and now that you're losing her you really want her? Why marry her if you didn't love her? Apparently she got the message.

I don't condone her cheating on you, that's effed up. 

Sounds like you have issues, at age 31, that you need to address. At least you were honest about it that you're not perfect.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

cut your losses and split, you'll look back on this a year from now and say that you dodged a bullet. Dont waste months or a year or so with her.


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## TonyHg (Feb 20, 2014)

Guys, you should meet her, she is.....or was...that kind of girl that only 2 of them exists, warm food, clean clothes, love look, melt whenever I got back from work.......every time she was with me/saw me.
So you're telling me that she is going to keep doing it? Cheating in me?
I'm her first, met her when she was 17 then married her at 18.
I know I won't touch her in in a while, but i can get over it, NOT forget it, but get over it, if she comes back to me.
She is so fragile guys, not knowing where to go, what to think, sometimes what to do, that I believe it is my responsibility to guide her, you know?
I want to do it of course...
Please give me some good advise, not cruel, wear my shoes.
What would you do?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

You were her first, but not her last. Sounds like she's feeling her oats, and you're alfalfa. Cut and run, and let her figure it out. She needs to do a lot more to get back into your heart. Don't let her walk all over it. 

Where do you want to be in 10 years?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TonyHg said:


> she has 2 reasons: She cares a lot for this guy because he listen to her, care about her blah blah, the other one is that she does not believe me that i can be that perfect husband i was for the last 4 months.


Well, aside from the cheating, she is right - he is being the kind of man you have never been in your marriage to her, doing the things women want, which you completely kept from her. CAN you be that person? Doesn't sound like it.

Now, as for the cheating, if she's gone, she's gone - you can't make her come home to you. But if she decides she's willing to try, there are several steps you two can take to make a go at it: she has to write him a NC letter that YOU see and send yourself, she has to give you all her passwords so you can check up on her, you two need to go to MC together as you have a lot of issues to discuss.

All that said, honestly, I think marriages to 18 year olds are fairly doomed to fail anyway (spare me the success stories), and girls that age who date guys who are 10 years older are usually looking for a father figure, and guess what happens as she gets older? She matures, she becomes more sure of herself, and she no longer NEEDS a father, so out the door you go, anyway.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TonyHg said:


> She is so fragile guys, not knowing where to go, what to think, sometimes what to do, that I believe it is my responsibility to guide her, you know?


Did you sign up to be her dad?

Stop it.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

TonyHg said:


> So ok, i'm 31 years old and my wife is 20; Everything was so weird when *we got married i thought i didnt love her and starting to be a F-ing prick to her* (never hit her) just i did not listen to her, care about her...when i got back form work the only thing i did was fall asleep til next day... things like that you know? I always saw her suffering, feeling like crap, loving me like no one have ever love me, just being a great, fun, loving, hard working girl...


Why did you marry her if you didn't think you loved her?



TonyHg said:


> Guys, you should meet her, she is.....or was...that kind of girl that only 2 of them exists, warm food, clean clothes, love look, melt whenever I got back from work.......every time she was with me/saw me.




TonyHg, I am not condoning her cheating, she should have left BEFORE she hooked up with this guy. But I totally understand why she left. Everything you posted is about YOU. Even her good traits, how she fed you, cleaned your cloths, etc.

I am trying not to be harsh here, but you are not ready for a mature relationship. If you really love her, help her move on with a new life where she will get back what she puts out.

I know you started to change, but 4 months does not erase 12+ months.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

She's having sex with another man. I'm actually shocked she admitted it to you. If you did convince her to write him a NC letter what's makes you think she wouldn't find someone else. Or break down and start up with him again. Get yourself a lawyer and get your divorce started.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

Tony, I'm sorry this string seems so harsh on you. Truth is, you abused her, took advantage of her, mistreated her, didn't care for her, and didn't pay attention to her. That's enough to make anyone check out out of a marriage. She's 20. She has her whole life ahead (actually, so do you.. you're still young). 

I know you see the error of your ways now, but it sounds like she's so far gone, she doesn't care that you've changed. You cannot force her to love you. If she doesn't want the marriage anymore, you don't have much of a choice. Sucks because we all know you love her now. 

Doesn't sound like you guys started off on the right foot at all. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and figure out why you married someone you didn't really love in the first place. It sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can find the right one. Sorry to say it. You have a long difficult road ahead of you, but things will get better. Time heals.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

Tony:

If you want her back, then there are several simple steps:

1) Gather evidence. Do you have copies of the emails? Any pics? Phone records? Credit card receipts? Anything to establish her contact with the OM?
2) Expose. Expose the affair to her closest friends and family, and to your family. Tell them you need their help in saving the marriage. Especially expose to the Other Man's wife (OMW) if he has one. If not then to OM's girlfriend. Expose to all friends of the OM that you know. 
3) Confront. Don't be weak when confronting your wife. Explain calmly that you are committed to the marriage, but she hasn't been. If she doesn't immediately stop this selfish behavior then you will file for D. 
4) If she doesn't immediately beg and cry after step #3, then immediately file for D. This will sometimes snap her out of the fog. you can always cancel the D proceedings later if she wants to work out. But the shock of having D papers served almost always wakes people up when they learn how much they will lose.


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