# Dads, what would you do if you found out your 5 year old wasn't yours?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Would you abandon kid?

Divorce wife?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The wife would be gone yesterday, I would love the child with everything I have till my dying moment and I would do my level best to determine who the sperm donor was to get medical records to better care for my son and give the POS a little grief for helping to hurt my family and end my marriage.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have two boys BTW so that is why I used the term son. A daughter would get the same devotion from me.


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## Fred21 (Sep 28, 2014)

how did you find out? Was it a suspicion already or just a mistake?
IF you had suspicions is there a problem with your relationship already?
I think these are the things you need to think about first, have you spoken to your wife about this and how/why this happened? 
Are you sure the child is not yours or is it hearsay?
There are a lot of unanswered questions you need to know before you decide what needs to be done it think.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

well, first i would feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my nutz. after that pain subsided, i would start looking at my wife like she was an alien who took over my wife's body. Then, when he shock wore off a little, i would find a lawyer and divorce her ass--not for cheating on me, but for the total disrespect of not confessing that she was knocked up with another man's kid, and not giving me options at the time of the event.

The kid, it depends. I would need more info. Lets say wife and OM were still screwing around, i would let her and kid move in with them, and probably wash my hands of the situation. Visit the kid every couple weeks if we both enjoyed it. If the kid started treating the other man as dad....i would bow out, thank the lord for my luck. If the kid only knew me as dad, i would try to be there for kid, but would not go into the poor house supporting kid (like paying for college)


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## dazed794 (Aug 31, 2014)

How did you find out? And do you have other kids with her?

I think my first step would be to talk to a lawyer to find out my options.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why bother divorce? The courts would admit sole custody to the mom and put you in the dock for child support anyway.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

It's not the kid's fault. It will be worst for him. He will not understand why the man he has always known as his father is not there anymore. Find a way to ditch the mom, but be there for the kid. You get so few opportunities in life to forge true bonds with other men. Look at this as an opportunity to do something good for this kid even though most would not blame you for cutting ties.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Divorce, almost certainly - unless Runs Like Dog's scenario is the likely legal outcome in my location, in which case I may stay married and exact some form of retribution, including cheating on her. As for anything else, I would explore my legal options, especially if I can find out the biological father - can he be responsible for child support and retroactive support?

No doubt I'd be bonded with the child and would maintain that relationship - it would be the same as adoption, only unwitting.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I would divorce ASAP

As for the kid, if I was around during that 5 years, I would probably continue relationship with them (if allowed of course).

If he was raised far away by his mother and I wasn't part of his life, no need to start/continue anything.

I would certainly talk to my lawyer about options on that end, as you HAVE BEEN and ARE his father, even if not biological.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

My nephew by marriage is not the biological child of my brother in law. When my BIL divorced he child's mom, it was after a second affair. He always had suspicions and had a paternity test done following the divorce. The child was 12 at the time. The child knew his mom cheated and that's why the marriage ended, but to this day the child doesn't know that his dad is not his biological father. And he may never know. The son is now 25. 

My BIL never missed a beat, and even ended up with full custody of the child. He did the right thing. The child shouldn't be abandoned under any circumstance!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

My son (I raised, my ex's first ex's son) was not biologically my ex's child. I knew it, his family knew it, he was in denial. (We only "knew" because the child looked NOTHING like him, and looked a LOT like the OM that broke up the marriage in the first place.) 

When my ex and I split, all the kids came with me. Thier bio mom (who had been absentee for years) came back into the picture and TOLD MY SON AGAINST MY WISHES that our ex was not his bio dad. The child was 15. Started drinking heavily, doing drugs, failing school. My ex basically disowned the kid. His bio mom got him back, decided to parade him in front of his bio dad (who has had knowledge, but also lived in denial) and he basically pitched a fit and denied my son in front of his face.

My poor kiddo has/is suffering all because of the STUPID actions of other people. You may very well end up being the only rock in that child's life.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> Would you abandon kid?


No.



Boxing judge said:


> Divorce wife?


Faster than the speed of light...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I dont really know how I'd react. I have a five year old right now and if she wasnt mine heaven and earth would know my fury. But I'm not exactly sure what I'd do to make that happen.


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

If that happened to me, I could not abandon my daughters. I love them to death and nothing in this world would make me change those feelings. Even if they were biologically not mine, the time and years I bonded with them, overshadows anything else. That type of love is very very very very hard to severe. 

I would divorce the MOM.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> Why bother divorce? The courts would admit sole custody to the mom and put you in the dock for child support anyway.


I still dont understand how the man who was lied to is still held accountable for CS.

I have been told that its because the father or the guy who thinks hes the father signed the birth certificate.

If thats the case, maybe there should be mandatory testing before any certificate is signed.

As far as OP's question, my relationship and bond with the child wouldnt change. Im not even sure i would ever tell the kid but the mom would be history.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Less than a decade ago a cuckolded husband had no recourse in all 50 states. Too bad if he had DNA proof, he had to support the kid till 18 and if the kid went to college, until 26.

The men's rights groups fought this and now most states give men some recourse. Most outright let the dad out of support once it is proven he's not the father.

None of them do right with the mother though. If I defraud my employer out of $250K I'm looking at several years in jail. It should be just the same for a mother who tricks a guy into supporting a kid. I don't buy "in the best interest of the kids" BS as to not going that. If I steal $250K, it's not in the best interest of my kids for me to go to jail. That doesn't get me out of serving time. It shouldn't for a woman doing this.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My cousin is a homicide detective in a larger city. She's said that some of the "family eliminator" murders are because of this exact scenario. Dad finds out and then responds by killing them all off. Since it would only be airing dirty laundry they don't reveal it to the public.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Larry - I kind of wonder about some of these 'familcide' cases. That the husband found out the kids weren't his, really seems to fit.


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

I was so proud of my children, then two DNA tests shattered my life: Anguish of divorced father who paid £15,000 maintenance for offspring who weren't his | Daily Mail Online


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

This situation is so sad to me. Those poor kids. THEY are not in the wrong. THey are perfectly innocent in those situations. 

I"m not an angel, have flaws, not claiming to be perfect. But I wouldn't dream of pinning a child on someone like that. If I were to screw around and get pregnant (!) by another man outside of marriage, I would own up to it. This is coming from someone who DID get pregnant at 17 out of wedlock......but there was only ONE possible father. And he never paid a penny of child support, and I never pursued it. He's deceased now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Janky said:


> I still dont understand how the man who was lied to is still held accountable for CS.
> 
> I have been told that its because the father or the guy who thinks hes the father signed the birth certificate.
> 
> ...



There are two things in play here:

1) This goes back to pre-DNA laws. In the past it was always assumed that the husband was the father of his wife's children. There was no way to prove otherwise. DNA changes the equation. That's why laws are changing, too slow if you ask me. 

2) If a man has raised a child as his, it's a terrible trauma to the child for his/her father to then dump them due to finding out that they are not the bio father. To many people, the needs of the child come before the needs of the parents to include parents who are not bio-parents.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

This is so horrible to even think about. I tested my two of my kids last year they are in there teens. I can honestly say I considered everything while I waited for the test to come back. I do and have had custody of my kids. I felt if they were not mine of course I would still love them but how would this not change our relationship. There mom argued with me the whole time. I don't know how other men would have handled this but I think I would be in jail today If they were not mine. Thankfully they are and I never have to worry about that again. 

My heart goes out to anyone that ever has to go through this. 

Clay


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

To Ele's 2nd point. I wonder how this really works out in real life. I know financially, the guy used to always take a hit. I wonder what it does to him mentally (I am sure there is a huge spectrum of responses to this question)? 

Personally, I could see this as devestating to the non-bio father and constant triggers. Egad, it would be horrible.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

naiveonedave said:


> Personally, I could see this as devestating to the non-bio father and constant triggers. Egad, it would be horrible.


I agree. The psychological damage could be immense. And if the cuckolded guy is older, his opportunity to have his own biological children may have been stolen from him (assuming he doesn't have any). If he's younger, he may be able to move on and have children of his own, if the psychological trauma is something he can recover from in time.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

naiveonedave said:


> To Ele's 2nd point. I wonder how this really works out in real life. I know financially, the guy used to always take a hit. I wonder what it does to him mentally (I am sure there is a huge spectrum of responses to this question)?
> 
> Personally, I could see this as devestating to the non-bio father and constant triggers. Egad, it would be horrible.


The laws in the US vary from state to state. And much can depend on the exact circumstances.

If the true parentage is discovered after a number of years divorced, in many states one can apply for a modification of the divorce agreement. All of this requires a lawyer who knows the ins and outs of this sort of thing in your state.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I would divorce her ASAP but that little child know you as dad and in reality you are and always will be. Divorce the wife but don't divorce the kid. It's not his fault. He just has a dishonest mother.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Why bother divorce? The courts would admit sole custody to the mom and put you in the dock for child support anyway.


If you signed the birth certificate. You...Are...the father. Yes, it came up for me. Love to get dna tests and find a way to sue the POS, but I know that won't happen. I know the guy and yes, he was "messing around" with my children's mother. You talk about resentment and...I have to stay away from this thread. You can't know unless you've been there. My daughter...I love her, even though I don't see her any more. That guy, I'd like to.....see you later. I gotta go.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm divorced from my kids mother already. If I found out they weren't biologically mine it wouldn't change my relationship with them one iota.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> My cousin is a homicide detective in a larger city. She's said that some of the "family eliminator" murders are because of this exact scenario. Dad finds out and then responds by killing them all off. Since it would only be airing dirty laundry they don't reveal it to the public.


Interesting. I've actually wondered about this myself. If we're all being honest w/ ourselves, we'd have to admit that this doesn't come as a huge surprise.

Either way... aside from some of the more inhumane aspects of war, I can think of no greater tragedy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Janky said:


> Runs like Dog said:
> 
> 
> > Why bother divorce? The courts would admit sole custody to the mom and put you in the dock for child support anyway.
> ...


I'm sure that it would be a difficult conversation, but I'd HAVE to tell the kid(s) at some point. If for no reason other than knowing our "family" medical history, we all deserve to know the absolute, unmitigated truth about our parentage.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

What are all these posts about really? Is it just to troll?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> Would you abandon kid?
> 
> Divorce wife?


Probably both. Can't say for certain about the child until I find my self in that situation.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Janky said:


> If thats the case, maybe there should be mandatory testing before any certificate is signed.


they probably do NOT do that because they do not want about 25% of the women who just gave birth getting a divorce that month, and the state having to pay for the kid and her on welfare from that point on! in other words they are in on the deception.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I can tell you my personal experience.

My ex had an affair that started in and around the time when my oldest was born, and carried on through the birth of my second child with her.

During our divorce, my attorney suggested a paternity test for both kids because it's "now or never" to not be financially responsible for them.

There's a chance they aren't mine (slim though because you can see similarities to my family genetics in them) but I never even considered that. I've never had them tested....they are my kids...whether or not my DNA or someone elses started the ball rolling.

I was the one who stayed up every night through their first year-15 months because of their sleep issues. I was the one to teach them to ride a bike, I've been their father in every way since they were born. I'm not going to change that because their DNA doesn't match my own.

Now sadly, had I found out they WEREN'T mine definitively....I'm not sure what I would have done because dealing with my ex had been a hellish experience. I could have seen myself give up had I known they weren't mine. I'm not certain of that, but still.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I was the one who stayed up every night through their first year-15 months because of their sleep issues. I was the one to teach them to ride a bike, I've been their father in every way since they were born. I'm not going to change that because their DNA doesn't match my own.


I think a person would have to be pretty cold to just pretend like that never happened and walk away if they found out there was no genetic link. I've invested my heart and soul into my children. There is no way I would walk away from that investment.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Well there’d be a new damn motorcycle with a sidecar in the garage and Ms. Spin would be making me tamales on Wednesday and cheese enchiladas on Fridays for the rest of her life.

I can’t honestly imagine. I could never abandon the children and Ms. Spin is such an excellent Mother.

Ironically, I know exactly when and where both our Little Units were conceived – some stuff you just can’t make up.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Some of you men make me very proud to be a member of the human race. 

As a woman, again I will state that I couldn't deceive on that level. Pregnancies happen. Not knowing "who the baby daddy is" happens. I had a very good friend (not married) who had that happen, and DNA figured it out for her. Unfortunately, that beautiful little girl didn't have a father figure in her life for a very long time, although child support was paid (and by the right man.) But being married, having an affair......and then knowingly deceving a man? I just can't fathom that. I would probably get an abortion before I would carry out that lie. (And I have NEVER considered that either.)

I guess it is hard for a woman to say what we would do in a situation like this because we know we are the "mom." I don't think mix ups at the hospital happen very often anymore. And even then it probably isn't intentional. 

A completely unimportant side note: animals that have "litters" (cats, dogs, mice, etc.) can have different fathers in the same litter. Random trivia fact of the day.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> Some of you men make me very proud to be a member of the human race.


:smthumbup:



GA HEART said:


> As a woman, again I will state that I couldn't deceive on that level. Pregnancies happen. Not knowing "who the baby daddy is" happens. I had a very good friend (not married) who had that happen, and DNA figured it out for her. Unfortunately, that beautiful little girl didn't have a father figure in her life for a very long time, although child support was paid (and by the right man.) *But being married, having an affair......and then knowingly deceving a man? I just can't fathom that.* I would probably get an abortion before I would carry out that lie. (And I have NEVER considered that either.)


With respect to the comment quoted above...

Right back at you. 



GA HEART said:


> *I guess it is hard for a woman to say what we would do in a situation like this because we know we are the "mom.*" I don't think mix ups at the hospital happen very often anymore. And even then it probably isn't intentional.


Exactly correct. THANK YOU!



GA HEART said:


> A completely unimportant side note: animals that have "litters" (cats, dogs, mice, etc.) can have different fathers in the same litter. Random trivia fact of the day.


That's true. I believe that it's also possible -- though exceedingly rare -- for a woman to bear fraternal twins (maybe even triplets, quadruplets, etc) fathered by different men.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

idk. Don't have kids. But if I ever do I'm having them DNA tested when they're born.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Nobody knows how they would react until they are faced with the issue.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ebp123 said:


> My nephew by marriage is not the biological child of my brother in law. When my BIL divorced he child's mom, it was after a second affair. He always had suspicions and had a paternity test done following the divorce. The child was 12 at the time. The child knew his mom cheated and that's why the marriage ended, but to this day the child doesn't know that his dad is not his biological father. And he may never know. The son is now 25.
> 
> My BIL never missed a beat, and even ended up with full custody of the child. He did the right thing. The child shouldn't be abandoned under any circumstance!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am happy I am not a man because I would be so vehemently pi$$ed I do think the child would get some of the fall out..but unless one has lived it.. it's too hard to say.. emotional bonds and memories made will have a glue like HOLD on a good hearted person... yet I could see the ugliness and pain of, upon learning.. that every time one looked in this child's face, it would be a reminder of the deepest betrayal.. and this little person whom they thought was his..now has someone's else's DNA...

I admire those men who COULD separate it.. VERY HONORABLE....but again.. I wouldn't judge those who couldn't...or struggled to do the right thing...

I get very heated reading discussions like this.. I don't feel a man who is not the father should be stuck with the bill..-upon this learning, the truth coming out..it should all swing to the mother -who lied & betrayed in the deepest way.....

I feel it is a one of the gravest misjustices and the men who need the paternity tests the most (the good guys) too often don't take advantage of it.. because they are more trusting by their very own nature...

The courts do not care about these men...I've seen some programs on this that made my blood boil.. this one husband was blindsided...here one of their 4 children came down with a rare disease, had to have some genetic testing...only to learn he WASN'T the biological father of 2 of them..... they had this wife (now divorced) on there basically slamming him -how heartless HE is...for not wanting to pay the rest of his life for 2 kids that aren't his...how dare her! 

I had more sympathy for the man than anyone on that program.. basically he was facing paying for her affair partners kids.. while she was still with that loser...it makes no sense to me whatsoever to not THEN make the biological father PAY.... I just see it as robbery.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

My BIL's story:

He had a long-distance girlfriend that would sometimes come stay with him on the weekends or weeks at a time but go back home. He never intended it to be anything serious. She was a younger girl, immature, very pretty but tended to lie a lot and emulated others... she didn't seem to have a real sense of self. 

Well, seven months into their relationship, the bombshell dropped and she revealed that she was seven months pregnant. First thing that was suspect was she swore she didn't know. I guess that's possible, they have a TV show about it  but having carried two babies... I know that I knew and within a month for both of my sons that I was pregnant. So I am cynical. 

She claimed to be on BC when it happened and that the BC failed. She also said it must of happened the first time they slept together (not impossible but rare). 

Well anyway, he did right by her, moved out of his parents' home, bought a condo, decorated the nursery and moved his girlfriend in with him. He was their for the birth and a hands-on dad from the start of his little girl. He already had a good job so she was a SAHM and he supported her and the baby. 

We are a multi-racial family but even still our kids all resemble each other. My in-laws seem to have strong genes as you can see the relation in all of the children despite differences in race/skin colour. There are certain traits like their hairlines, big eyes, noses and the tips of their ears that are all the same. This little girl had none of that.

Well, it got back to my MIL that everyone was suspicious so she went undercover and sent away for a DNA test when the baby was three months old. Sure enough that girl was not his.

While we all suspected, my BIL never told us even after my MIL showed him the results. Instead, he stuck it out and tried to do his best to be a father for her. He loved her I'm sure as much as any dad would. Eventually though, that relationship blew up. 

That young girl was just crazy... just not balanced. She would get mad at him and do things like throw his things off of the balcony of their condo (they lived on the third floor), grease the toilet seat with Vaseline so when he was getting ready for work he would sit in a pile of Vaseline (who does that?) and put things in his food like salt in his coffee when she was mad at him. That on top of not cooking, not cleaning oh yeah and duping him with a baby that wasn't his.

When they broke up, she took all of her things, daughter's things and moved away long distance and reunited with the real father. She tried to sue him for child support but that was thrown out of court. She also played mind games and wouldn't let him see the baby or would make all of these rules. Now they don't speak and from what I've heard, she has four different kids from three different dads... not even in her mid twenties yet. 

After the SHTF in their relationship, he was completely broken. He was keeping a big secret for a year - only my MIL knew the truth about the girl's DNA. He was completely shattered, humiliated etc. to share with us that the child wasn't his. He was not the same guy for two years after their break up. Just a sad shell of a person. Talk about hurt and that was three months of thinking she was his daughter to another nine of knowing but trying to do the right thing. I can't imagine what five years would do. Heartbreaking.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think a person would have to be pretty cold to just pretend like that never happened and walk away if they found out there was no genetic link. I've invested my heart and soul into my children. There is no way I would walk away from that investment.


I 100% agree w/ this.

And yet I still maintain that any man, having learned that his child/children is/are not his biological offspring, should be assured of his legal right to do exactly that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

GA HEART said:


> I guess it is hard for a woman to say what we would do in a situation like this because we know we are the "mom." I don't think mix ups at the hospital happen very often anymore. And even then it probably isn't intentional.


It's not hard for me to know at all... I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again with that sort of deception...I'd become a basketcase even trying to live a lie like that...

Miss Taken, that story *is* utterly heartbreaking...doing the right thing.. sometimes can almost destroy a person..


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

hookares said:


> Nobody knows how they would react until they are faced with the issue.


Exacto-freaking mundo! I simply don't know how I would react.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

The wife would be gone, no question.

Child is more tricky. I am relating to my own experience of having two daughters. They would still be siblings. I guess I would step back and not be her father anymore but I wouldn't cut her out of my life. Would just step back from the parenting role I guess


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> But being married, having an affair......and then knowingly deceving a man? I just can't fathom that. I would probably get an abortion before I would carry out that lie. (And I have NEVER considered that either.)


That's what my SIL did. She's pro-life, but found herself pregnant. Very likely the OM's, since they had to use help to conceive due to my brother's infertility issues. Rather than admit what happened, she aborted.

That worked for about 3 years, until she broke down over the guilt of what she did.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If I didn't find out until years after the birth, I would continue being a dad to the kid and the wife would be history. 

If I found out right after the birth, before bonding, the child and the wife would be gone. 

If I found out before the birth the child and the wife would be gone.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I 100% agree w/ this.
> 
> And yet I still maintain that any man, having learned that his child/children is/are not his biological offspring, should be assured of his legal right to do exactly that.


I see that could be a complicated issue. I agree it should be by choice not imposed. However I wonder how that impacts the opposite side as in if you want to stay involved do you have any rights to enforce visitation etc.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I have a similar situation, but not in my relationship. my old high school best friend, whom had bought a dress for my wedding planning on being the MOH. well thats not happening. long story short a coworker of mine was messing with a guy, who happened to be also messing with my best friend. my best friend is with a white guy and the OM is very black. baby was just born and its VERY obvious the baby is mixed. i told her i knew but of course she denies everything. other people are starting to notice. ive lost complete respect for her and no longer will talk to her. i feel bad for the 'father' because they have a son together who is 4 years old. can he leave? has she admitted it to him? who knows but it bothers me how she tries to play it off like nothing.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well what are you gonna do? Crash and burn the whole airplane? That's pretty much the dare a woman like that is giving you. She's likely always known, from moment one. She decided to hoodwink you for her own gain. But here you are, thoroughly invested in another human being for life. If you're going to kick a schemer to the curb be prepared that she'll take no prisoners. That's already her nature.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

I'm a step kid. I would adopt. I understand blended and non-traditional families. But one thing I am not is captain-sava-ho. 

I would be gone. Zero contact with no looking back. I know my kids are mine, deep down and for medical necessity. The betrayal I would feel every single time I looked at the kid would serve to eat at me from the inside out. It's not the DNA, it's the betrayal. It would be better off for all. 

"But UE it's not the kids fault". Yep. You're right. But her mother was a shîthead and now it's time for her to clean up the mess. I don't help alcoholics drink, I don't help drug addicts get high, and I ain't gonna help a woman who lied to me get over being a ho. 

Legally I would fight it tooth and nail.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> The wife would be gone yesterday, I would love the child with everything I have till my dying moment and I would do my level best to determine who the sperm donor was to get medical records to better care for my son and give the POS a little grief for helping to hurt my family and end my marriage.


i have nothing to add to this...perfect...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> That's what my SIL did. She's pro-life, but found herself pregnant. Very likely the OM's, since they had to use help to conceive due to my brother's infertility issues. Rather than admit what happened, she aborted.
> 
> That worked for about 3 years, until she broke down over the guilt of what she did.


Damn.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Well what are you gonna do? Crash and burn the whole airplane? That's pretty much the dare a woman like that is giving you. She's likely always known, from moment one.


You have to specify exactly by "always known"

Yep, she's always known there was a _risk_ of more than one man possibly being the father. But I think in many of these cases they delude themselves into thinking the husband is the father even though she set up a sperm race.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Damn.


Yep.

SIL has always been a royal b1tch to my wife. I really don't understand it...

After hearing this we've yet to be together at a family function. I'm a bit worried my wife might walk up and punch her.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> You have to specify exactly by "always known"
> 
> Yep, she's always known there was a _risk_ of more than one man possibly being the father. But I think in many of these cases they delude themselves into thinking the husband is the father even though she set up a sperm race.


I think in 98% time the mother knows who the bio-father is. Unless she routinely wakes up in the street with no panties on.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

If it was me I would walk away from both of them.I can detach from anybody very easy.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> That's what my SIL did. She's pro-life, but found herself pregnant. Very likely the OM's, since they had to use help to conceive due to my brother's infertility issues. Rather than admit what happened, she aborted.
> 
> That worked for about 3 years, until she broke down over the guilt of what she did.


i guess the only good thing about that train wreck is that she still has the vestiges of a conscience. Maybe a chance of R in there. 

But a pro lifer getting an abortion...clearly has some flexible morals....change at a whim. not so good for long term.

I DO wonder how many pro lifers really would sneak out for their own abortion, or a daughter's, if the case presented itself--when the rubber hits the road.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> That's what my SIL did. She's pro-life, but found herself pregnant. Very likely the OM's, since they had to use help to conceive due to my brother's infertility issues. Rather than admit what happened, she aborted.
> 
> That worked for about 3 years, until she broke down over the guilt of what she did.


Sorry but I find this post disturbing. Speaking from her point of view. She'd rather kill an innocent child than admit her own failings.

Man, that's disturbing.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> i guess the only good thing about that train wreck is that she still has the vestiges of a conscience. Maybe a chance of R in there.
> 
> But a pro lifer getting an abortion...clearly has some flexible morals....change at a whim. not so good for long term.
> 
> I DO wonder how many pro lifers really would sneak out for their own abortion, or a daughter's, if the case presented itself--when the rubber hits the road.


I"m pro-choice myself, but NEVER considered abortion when I found myself pregnant at 17. Never considered adoption either. I wasn't married (married him later, disaster) and knew who the father was. 

But like I said before, I might consider abortion in a situation like this. Not likely that I would have ever found myself in a situation like this, because I am not that selfish (and now divorced and fixed.) But again, it's so hard to say what I would do because I've never been there.

I have known several people who got abortions. Messed them up pretty good for a long while. Not a decision to be made lightly.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I think in 98% time the mother knows who the bio-father is. Unless she routinely wakes up in the street with no panties on.


 I'm betting it's more than 2% of the time that there is a sperm race where more than one could be the father.

Look who's having most of the kids in US. Its not mature responsible folks. Its the Jerry springer crowd.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> Less than a decade ago a cuckolded husband had no recourse in all 50 states. Too bad if he had DNA proof, he had to support the kid till 18 and if the kid went to college, until 26.
> 
> The men's rights groups fought this and now most states give men some recourse. Most outright let the dad out of support once it is proven he's not the father.
> 
> None of them do right with the mother though. If I defraud my employer out of $250K I'm looking at several years in jail. It should be just the same for a mother who tricks a guy into supporting a kid. I don't buy "in the best interest of the kids" BS as to not going that. If I steal $250K, it's not in the best interest of my kids for me to go to jail. That doesn't get me out of serving time. It shouldn't for a woman doing this.



I agree. If the woman lies to a man about paternity she is committing fraud which in today's cost of raising a child to adulthood is substantial.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Back to the original question:

Wife would be gone.

While I wouldn't abandon the kid, I will have to admit that there would be a noticeable difference in my thought process. At that point, if the OM were around, I would make sure the guy knew. If the OM was undiscoverable, I would formally adopt the child and when old enough, tell him the situation.

But my heart would be crushed. I'd take care of the child and attend to his/her needs but I can't say for sure whether I would feel differently inside. I don't think anybody can really say that one way or another until it happens. Kind of like infidelity itself.

All of that would change if the child was a few years older and not 5. As someone with children well into their teens, I can say that there is a point where no matter what information you learn, it wouldn't matter. 5 is too young. I would gather that point might be around 8-9.

Mine are 17, 17 and 14. Way beyond the point of no emotional return.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hookares said:


> Nobody knows how they would react until they are faced with the issue.


And each situation is different. I knew about the more than likelihood while x1 was pregnant with first child. I signed the birth cert. anyway. I was asked by the nurse if I wanted to sign, which made me even more suspicious, after I held my daughter for a few minutes in the hospital. How could I say no? The man who I believe is her father, was nowhere to be found. 

It was a mess. Then, when we did finally split up and she took the children, it crushed me. I knew my son would never know me as his father. He was too young, I had just signed a contract with the company I worked for, to go get education and I could not let that go. I needed to make more money and improve myself. I had to go to night school 3 nights a week for 30 months. I had homework and I could not see them on Wednesday evening as I was in school. 

Then I'd see them every other weekend, when they weren't going somewhere with their mother and step father. I could not afford an attorney for the fight it would take and I knew I would lose because I did not see them on Wednesday evenings like I was supposed to. 

Then, in the summer, when I had time to see them as I wasn't in school, I was not able because from the first weekend of summer to two weeks before school started, they were taken to x1's mother's place for the whole summer. It was about 90 miles away and I had no clue where it was. I was told the largest city in that area, but not where exactly. I wasn't given a phone number to speak with them. 

I finally, after a few years of this, found out where they were and visited them. I took them out and spent a weekend with them. It was miserable for me. It was the epitome of parental alienation. And it was used against me in domestic relations hearings to force me to pay a higher child support because, "I didn't see them like I was supposed to, according to the order". 

At some poiint, you just give up when they don't answer the phone or call back, when you ask them to go places and the won't or they are busy. When you want to see them for Christmas, prepare a meal and buy presents you can afford, which wasn't much, and they don't care about them or even stay for more than an hour. Then you go in the bedroom and cry your eyes out. Yeah, it was worth it. Sure it was. I got nothing, but a bill.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Holy mother of XXX - that is just miserable. So sorry.


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