# what to do?



## Farm Boy (Aug 27, 2009)

I'll try to make this short as possible.

I'm once divorced and twice married, its wife number 2 I'm having trouble with, we were married shortly after we met, she was nice to my kids, the kids really liked her, and she had a son that adored my kids and quickly became a part of our family.

we met in July, and my Christmas present that year from her was a marriage license, I had been divorced from my first wife for a number of years, and had dated one time but called it quits when the girl I was dating abused my kids, (she was downright mean, but that's a whole nother story)

I get along very well with my first wife (now my ex), we are now best of friends, and we've always worked together with the kids, so no complaints there.

my wife on the other hand, as soon as we got married, would no longer allow my kids over to our house, if I wanted to see them or spend some over nights with them, I had to do it somewhere else, so I ended up taking a few vacation trips with the kids, to make matters worse, I had a camping trailer when I met my wife, and the kids loved it, but after I got married my kids were no longer allowed to camp in the camping trailer, I could take them tent camping but the trailer was off limits to the kids.

My wife and I were together for about a year and a half before she decided she no longer needed a man in her life (as she stated it) and moved out of state.

I feel she only married me for the money, (and I really don't have much) plus medical insurance.

Since she moved away, I have only heard from her a hand full of times through email, and it's only been when she wanted something like money, or questions about the insurance.

I'll finish this story tomorrow, but am going to be asking you people for advice, I'm at work and need to go home now, where I don't have internet service.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Sorry you are going through this. It must be heartbreaking to have such a change after your married.

Why did you wife say she didn't want the kids over?

Not that it matters, they are your kids and a part of you.

Obviously, she is gone from under your roof. Are you have trouble moving forward?


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## Farm Boy (Aug 27, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Why did you wife say she didn't want the kids over?
> 
> Not that it matters, they are your kids and a part of you.


she told me that my kids were disrespectful, and rude, which I believe they are not, they are teenagers, have been brought up in a Christian home, attend private school, my oldest is now working in an orphanage for abused children in a foreign country, this isn’t characteristic of disrespectful rude children.




Corpuswife said:


> Obviously, she is gone from under your roof. Are you have trouble moving forward?


I’m having trouble trying to figure out how to get a divorce, she moved away 3 years ago, and the only contact I have with her is an occasional email every now and then wanting to know if I can put money in her bank account, or she’ll have a question about the medical insurance.
I’ve written her a couple of very sincere letters over the past 3 years, asking what’s going on, and she won’t respond to them at all.
The communication goes something like this: she writes, asks a question or two, I respond, then don’t hear back from her for months, until she has another question, then the process starts all over again, I respond, and she doesn’t write back.
I really need to get divorced and move on with my life, but other than an email address and a bank account number, I have no other information on this woman, she was very thero in cleaning out any evidence of herself when she left, other than a house full of things she didn’t want, she left no personal information behind, not even the marriage certificate, heck I even helped her move by helping her pack her things up and paying to have it shipped.

my other concern is her son, he was/is such a great boy and I miss him dearly, but not having any legal rights with him (I'm not his real dad) I feel I've lost him and that all by itself is killing me, friends and family always ask me when I'm going to get to see him again, and all I can say is "I don't know" we formed such a tight bond that to him, I am DAD, he never knew his real dad, and probably never will, he's just a little guy and to young to undestand any of this.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

This is an easy question to answer! I presume that every time your wife writes, you do what she wants. Stop doing it, and she will soon want to talk. Or if she gets really pissed, she will divorce you!

You have been enabling her selfish behaviour. Stop it at once. Stop putting money in her bank account until she agrees to a divorce or at least a meeting.


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## Farm Boy (Aug 27, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> You have been enabling her selfish behaviour. Stop it at once. Stop putting money in her bank account until she agrees to a divorce or at least a meeting.


that's easier said than done, I don't want to see them go without, or struggle, and I don't want to lose any possibility of ever having a relationship with her son, this is the boy that I consider one of my own, as it is with my own kids, they consider him their brother, and have always treated him as such.

I really need to get divorced so I can move on with life, life is good now that my wife is gone, the kids and I have a relationship again, we see each other or at least talk daily, all except my wife’s son, and that kills me, and I've stalled this long doing anything about a divorce mainly because of her son, but the time has come that I really need to move on with my own life or I'm going to be spending the rest of my life alone as a bachelor. And living alone for the rest of my life just doesn't seem very appealing to me.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Look. I'm telling you this becuase I feel for you, and I want to help, this is not a dig.

Part of the reason your wife left you was probably because you are such a push-over. She needed someone who would challenge her. You failed the test. And now you let her control whether you are single or not.

You are not thinking logically. If the next time she wants money you said, not until we meet and talk, she would have a choice - to talk and get the money, or to go hungry. It would be her doing it to herself, not you doing it. No doubt she would try to threaten you. But one of these days you're going to have to learn what it means to be a man.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

It's late, I'm supposed to be in bed but I could not sleep for some reason. Let me tell you something:

You are partly to blame for all this. By giving her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, on demand, you have created a monster. She was probably not as spoilt as this before she met you.

Dude, you can turn this round. you feel powerless when in fact you have all the power. Stop letting her squeeze your nuts!

Do you realise that with the correct amount of firmness you could even get her back in your life, begging your forgiveness and making it up to you?


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## Farm Boy (Aug 27, 2009)

Mark Twain has a point, he said “Part of the reason your wife left you was probably because you are such a push-over. She needed someone who would challenge her.”
This isn’t the first time I heard this, she used to tell me that I needed to buck up and be a man, the trouble was, every time I tried to stand my ground, she got bitter nasty about it, at one point slamming my head with the garage door, so I used to kind of keep my distance so to speak, (walk softly) so I could avoid confrontation with her.
Now the time has come that she is gone, and I don’t want her back, working something out with my ex wife is out of the question, that woman and I are vastly different, she lives the fast paced city life, always busy and always on the go, where I’m a laid back country kind of guy, my pace is slow, and I tend to enjoy each day as it comes.
I’m happy now, I finally feel at peace, I’m relaxed, my kids are happy, and there’s no way I would want to subject any of us to the kind of person my wife was before she moved, the kids couldn’t stand her, many times my kids wanted to “put her in her place” and tell her what they thought, but I always told them to keep quiet about it, no sense causing more problems, if one of us got her upset, things would turn real ugly very quickly, so no, I’m not interested in having her back.
Getting divorced so I can move on with life, that’s what I want


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Divorces happen all the time when a spouse disappears. Contact a lawyer and set up a consultation (usually free) and he/she can give you a bit more info. Even if you don't have a marriage certificate the county where you got married has records. Your Wife can be found. You may just need to ask her.

As far as her and her son doing without. There is a great chance that whatever money you are sending to her never reaches her son. Put money, in an college savings account, for him if you want to help him. Don't give it directly to her.


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