# should I correct my facial defects by medical ways?



## sep (Nov 13, 2012)

Hi 
I’m 29 years old girl who is looking for a soul mate. I have been in some casual relationships and none of them were serious to get married. Now I’m single looking for a new relationship and i hope marriage. But I don't get any suggestion from anyone around me.
Recently I have dated a good boy I found on net. He enjoyed my company but seemed that he didn't like my face. We are just friend now for talking on internet on free times. Once he said you have crooked teeth and it may be the reason boys are not that interested in you as a girlfriend or marriage.
I feel sad because I try always to treat people well, I try to be a deep thinker girl, I study, and I try to not be a stupid shallow person. I have a good job and even I try to dress good and do my hairs well and be nice to people.
But I have a crooked jaw bones. It has affected some parts of my face in details. I have heard I look good from some people but in details I don't. I have a crooked nose. And a crooked chin a little. It makes my smile not looking so good. My teeth are naturally small and less than a normal jaw in number, so they don't look good when I smile. And I have a thin face.
It doesn't look that bad when I look in the mirror but every time I look at my photos I feel sorry for these lots of faults which I am born with. 
Anyway I want to ask your suggestion. Should i go for surgery and other ways to remove these things?
It will be a long procedure including orthodency, capping my teeth and add some artificial teeth (needs time and lots of money and I am afraid of the pains and the result) +nose beauty surgery to correct the crook (I am afraid of the pains and the result) and maybe some injection in my cheeks to look more fat at full. I am not an actress and never been so sensitive to look special. I always wanted a person who love me for my inner self and when i look in the mirror I don't find myself unlovable. but from the suggestions some of my friends give, or something this boy said to me, or looking in my static photos which I look ugly in most of them, and the fact that I am getting 30 and still there is no suggestions for a long-term relationship, I feel some force to do something with this not looking good face.
What do you think? Before looking for a skillful dentist and save money for these very expensive procedures please give me advice if I should go in this way. Your suggestions means a lot for me please help


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

If you want to change your looks do it for you and you alone.

I recently had my teeth straightened because they had bothered me for years and I refused to smile in photographs. Nobody else thought they were all that bad but I did it for me.

Do not suppose that changing your looks will make a difference in finding a mate - it may or it may not. But if you are doing it for that reason you may always wonder in the back of your mind whether the person you end up with would have been interested in you if you looked like you do now.

As for the photo - I think your smile is pretty and characterful but if you are not happy and can afford to do something about it then go for it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Embrace your gap, dear and the next time someone tells you they aren't into it, tell then you are not into them.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I completely agree with Climbing The Walls and Jellybeans. 

But this is my philosophy.... . If there is something about me that I think about, or even obsess about, every single day and it is something that makes me feel self consious and unhappy, then I am going to change it if I can. I used to be very overweight. I went from a size 18 to a size 6 over the past couple years. I have always had a good personality and had fun but I never realized just how much more I enjoyed life once I stopped obsessing about my weight and what I was going to wear that day. 

So if you find yourself not being able to embrace how you look, just as I was not able to, then make the change FOR YOU! 

Oh, and your nose/mouth/chin are aligned just fine btw.  From what I can see in your pic, you are very lovely!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You do not have defects. There is no perfect. You cannot find commonality amongst 70% of the population in terms of teeth, chin, cheeks, etc.

Anyone who would reject you because of the gap in your teeth is not worth you getting to know.

Embrace your individuality!

Men find certain things attractive. A small gap in your teeth is not on the list! Things such as sense of humor, common interests and values, healthy body, and confidence are on the list. So you should strive to eat healthfully, get adequate exercise, and be active in things which interest you.

Your list of things you want to fix worries me due to its length. If you are bothered by one thing, I would discourage you from surgery or injections, but if it bothers you too much it might be worth exploring. Surgery won't fix how you feel about yourself, though.

As a man, it is a red flag to me if a woman has had cosmetic surgery. It says she lacks confidence in herself. (If you had something such as a major illness or accident which caused cosmetic damage, of course getting it corrected makes sense.)


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

I think your smile is ok. 

When my husband met me, I was wearing a headscarf and he knew I shaved my head. I was flat-chested (probably size AA), had very obvious huge sized zits, doesn't have pretty smile, but have thin downward lips (people always thought I looked upset or fierce looking), small eyes with hooded eyelids, didn't have a good sense of fashion..i wasn't the jewellery type. And he told me I was a 3 out of 10 during the early days we dated...(now 7 and sometimes 8) And that didn't stopped him from dating me.

And no, my husband wasn't the nerdy, desperate type of man. In fact, he had two long term gfs, one initiated by the gal,.. and he practiced some pickup artist skills... Had lots of practice. Now he said I was the best candidate he got.

From his first love letter to me, he stated that my kindness, humility and generousity attracted him.

Now although I can't change my lips, eyes and my Croocked witch nose, I smile more, grow my hair long and thank goodness for breastfeeding, my boobs are size B. Too much info? Hehe.. 

Learn to say "I look ok".. 
And yes, there are men who are not 100% shallow.
And yes, good looks can be said as a curse. Why? It hinders you from filtering bad guys...


I suggest you read 1.Think like a man, date like a lady.
2. Evan Marc Katz blog for successful strong women
3. Men are from Mars and women are from venus
4 therulesrevisited.com


All these blogs and books are written by men. 
TO get a man, you need to understand men. Men are not that superficial, like what you see in movies. 

Learn to love your imperfections.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

Read these books and blogs, practice the new knowledge.. Then see if you still want surgery.. Which I bet you would say a resounding NO afterwards. Take it from a wife who had no boobs, no curves, no long beautiful hair and no pretty face. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

sep said:


> Hi
> I’m 29 years old girl who is looking for a soul mate. I have been in some casual relationships and none of them were serious to get married. Now I’m single looking for a new relationship and i hope marriage. But I don't get any suggestion from anyone around me.
> Recently I have dated a good boy I found on net. He enjoyed my company but seemed that he didn't like my face. We are just friend now for talking on internet on free times. Once he said you have crooked teeth and it may be the reason boys are not that interested in you as a girlfriend or marriage.
> I feel sad because I try always to treat people well, I try to be a deep thinker girl, I study, and I try to not be a stupid shallow person. I have a good job and even I try to dress good and do my hairs well and be nice to people.
> ...


I think you look lovely! In some cultures a gap in the from teeth is a sign of beauty. 
Honestly I have a teeth thing so if I were you I would probably try to just get my from teeth straightened, but just for me. Not because of what anyone else thinks. 

I don't know why you have to pay so much just to get the front two teeth fixed. 

You look like a beautiful woman. 

If you look around there are many people who don't meet society's standards of looks who are married! 
If I were you I would try to see of I were doing something wrong with men, and go from there. I think it might be more mental than physical.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I wish this guy that you found on the internet would post his face here so we could analyze his features and point out what we don't find attractive..and while we are at it, we can dissect his personality and try to figure out why he is an insensitive jerk. Other then the fact that you have a gap..which some find very cute/sexy...I don't even see any of the other things you are talking about. Sure if you take a ruler and measure your facial symmetry it might be off..and so would most every other persons on the planet. Just be happy with who you are, keep smiling, and you will find a man who loves you just the way you are.


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## sep (Nov 13, 2012)

Thank you all ❤ Thank you livnlearn, diwali123, yours4ever, Thor, IrishGirlVA, Jellybeans, ClimbingTheWalls and all other people who respond my question. 
I know what you say and I think like you, but I thought maybe I am neglecting some important issues about attractiveness and the importance of facial beauty in attracting a guy. 
Thank you for finding beauty in my photo. I know it is because of your compassionate heart to make me feel good.
I try to don’t think about these details. I try to improve my confidence. And maybe one day I will have my teeth straightened and capped and fill the empty places of absent teeth in my jaw. But not now as my own teeth are healthy and work well and I don’t want to lose or damage them to have some artificial more beautiful ones.
And I love this forum
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I am a firm believer in doing things for myself. Whatever that happens to be. And it included braces as an adult. But I did it for me. Not anyone else.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I've browsed some of your posting history now, sep, and I think that you might be frightening men off with your desire for marriage.

At your age it is very natural to be wanting to settle down, I guess you are thinking of having children and men know this! They tend to be wary of getting hooked; fearing that the woman really wants marriage and children and not necessarily the man for who he is.


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## sep (Nov 13, 2012)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I've browsed some of your posting history now, sep, and I think that you might be frightening men off with your desire for marriage.
> 
> At your age it is very natural to be wanting to settle down, I guess you are thinking of having children and men know this! They tend to be wary of getting hooked; fearing that the woman really wants marriage and children and not necessarily the man for who he is.


Thanks for your time to read those posts, yes this can be true. However I try to not behave in a way that scares them. And how can they know what goes in my mind? Things have become complicated now :scratchhead:


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sep, how do you feel about your appearance? Do your teeth make you feel less confident or self conscience? Only if you feel the need, for your own comfort in feelings, should you take steps for dental work.

I had teeth just like yours and I was self conscience. I had the needed dental work and do not regret it.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

sep said:


> Hi
> I’m 29 years old girl who is looking for a soul mate. I have been in some casual relationships and none of them were serious to get married. Now I’m single looking for a new relationship and i hope marriage. But I don't get any suggestion from anyone around me.
> Recently I have dated a good boy I found on net. He enjoyed my company but seemed that he didn't like my face. We are just friend now for talking on internet on free times. Once he said you have crooked teeth and it may be the reason boys are not that interested in you as a girlfriend or marriage.
> I feel sad because I try always to treat people well, I try to be a deep thinker girl, I study, and I try to not be a stupid shallow person. I have a good job and even I try to dress good and do my hairs well and be nice to people.
> ...


Honey do this for yourself, never to please another person. I personally look at a good set of teeth on a woman as a sign of proper hygiene. As long as they are all there and fairly clean, all there i'm interested. 

There is a man our there that would love to kiss those lips and tell you you he loves you. Good luck!


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

By the way OP. I would kiss those lips. Just be gentle.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

If you want to go for facial change and fix your teeth, just for you to enhance your self-esteem, go for it, but do not spend you money to satisfy others. Do you know that in some culture, they stick i tooth pick between kids’s front teeth to create a gap as they grow ? beauty is relative .just love yourself and one day you will find the right person.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I once got into a little of a heated discussion yrs ago with a group of women....over braces... I just don't feel they are as necessary as society seems to make them .....it's almost as if .....if a parent doesn't get their kid braces - they will not do as well in life, due to how others perceive looks.... 

It's a shame we put so much stock into "perfect looks" - the perfect SMILE...now the bigger the boobs, the better...and women jumping for the silicone to measure up...

I never had braces, I have a gap like yours, also had half of my front tooth chipped in my teens...and with every smile on my Wedding day to boot....I did get it capped shortly after (since he had insurance then)......but true....my own assessment....I never liked my teeth a whole lot..(especially when I looked around & it seemed everyone else' were so perfect)....

Then me, the arguer...even broke down and spent as much as a couple used cars on 2 of our kids for braces (so far)... But if we couldn't have afforded it, we wouldn't have done it. ..

I found a man who didn't care about these things, he just told me - my teeth give me "character" - that's his line...God Bless him ... such men are out there....

Like others have tried well to express here... if it's something YOU really want to do for yourself..... feel compelled cause it will make *you* happy... go for it..(and if you can afford it of course)....but not just to satisfy someone else...


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## marshmallow (Oct 15, 2013)

I can only agree with what's already been said. I love your smile! I find your gap rather charmingly adorable, to be honest.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Agree with the posters who say if you want to have something done, and you can afford it financially, go for it.

Those who bash or judge people who have had some sort of plastic surgery don't live in your skin and have their own axes to grind. Imo, life is short. If you can get a lot more enjoyment out of it with a less prominent nose (for example) or straighter teeth, why not?

It doesn't look like/sound like you need to get all of that done- your face doesn't look crooked to me in the photo. Maybe look into Invisalign? Just be sure to do lots of research and get free consults with several doctors/dentists before doing anything!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've had braces on my teeth when I was in elementary school. I had a really bad overbite from sucking my thumb as a toddler. My parents paid for the braces. I think my mom said with a laugh that they could have bought a good used car for the price they paid for my braces. The braces improved the alignment of my teeth a lot. Before I had the braces, I was very aware of how crooked my teeth were and I didn't smile a lot because of it. After the braces, I wasn't as self-conscious. So if you have the means to do it and YOU want to get your teeth corrected FOR YOURSELF, then do it. For what it's worth, your teeth aren't even half as bad as mine were. These days there are ways to get teeth straightened without having obvious metal braces on top of the teeth.


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## sep (Nov 13, 2012)

OK I will consult a dentist sooner. I had consulted a team of dentists and they say my teeth should be braced for 2 years and then capped and at least one implant is needed. I should spend a lot so I should save my money for it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sep said:


> OK I will consult a dentist sooner. I had consulted a team of dentists and they say my teeth should be braced for 2 years and then capped and at least one implant is needed. I should spend a lot so I should save my money for it.


sep, you have a pretty smile. Your online friend was mean in what he said to you.

If you want to spend all that money to make changes, then do it for yourself. If you don't that's fine because you are pretty as you are.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I watched a youtube video recently where several people sat behind a blind and described themselves to a sketch artist. Then they had a stranger come in and describe them to the same sketch artist. The pictures from the people who described themselves were homely with exaggerated flaws. The pictures of the same people as described by strangers looked MUCH different.


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## HangingOnHope (Oct 26, 2013)

As others have said, this is something you would only do for yourself. Not in response to an outside critic or to get a man. But if it makes you feel better about you, if it helps you overcome any matters of social shyness or holding back, then by all means, go for it. I happen to think both your nose and smile are just fine. Bottom line though...its what is on the inside that matters the most. Looks can come and go, aging, accidents, disease and whatnot. But the time we spend on our inner beauty can never be erased or taken from us.
Best wishes.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP you have a lovely smile. Your online friend is an a rse.

Never ever change yourself for anyone but YOU.

We are all perfect, enough, just as we are. Everyone is beautiful in their own way


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

There is nothing more attractive than a confident, smiling woman.

If fixing things will improve your confidence... THAT is the reason to do it...


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Yes. Definitely do it. Not because you are ugly now, nor because of what anyone else said.
But because YOU don't feel happy with your current look. Because YOU will be much happier once you look better. Then, on the bottom of the list, would be to attract men. Once you feel good about yourself, not only your image, but your new confidence will make you more attractive.
It's nothing wrong with giving Mother Nature a hand. Nose job, boob job, teeth correction, butt lifting, whatever ! If you will benefit from the change, go for it !


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## NewlyWed2000 (Oct 8, 2013)

sep said:


> OK I will consult a dentist sooner. I had consulted a team of dentists and they say my teeth should be braced for 2 years and then capped and at least one implant is needed. I should spend a lot so I should save my money for it.


Hi Sep,

Out of curiosity, are you ESL? Just curious, if it's possible your writing almost sounds almost like an accent. I have friends from Serbia that type similar to you 

With that said, regarding your question, I'm the same age as you (ok a year older) and my thoughts are this.

Do what makes you happy. If you would feel better fixing your teeth do it for you. We all have parts of our body that we aren't 100% happy with. I don't see anything wrong with changing things as long as you are doing it for you and not to extreme (I swear some people are completely superficial). 

I also think, contrary to what some people think that it's important that we do our best to keep ourselves in good shape for our partners. If they choose to spend their lives with us and forgo anyone else it's on us to do our best to look the best we can for them. That's only one part of it of course but your question was about physicality.

Being blunt on the attraction piece, yes, physical attraction is one of the important parts of a relationship -especially initially anyway but everyone has different taste. What bothers one person might not bother another. Get yourself out there more and I am sure you'll find guys that think you are beautiful just the way you are.

We are young, we have time.. I know 30 seems like we are behind the ball but we have so much ahead of us. You'll find the right guy in time, whether you decide to fix your teeth or not


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