# When he can’t orgasm



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its not that uncommon, just not talked about as much as men with ED. Have you talked to him about whether there is any different sort of activity he would like to get him off?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Because is is far younger than my husbad.  Sorry, not meaning to be disrespectful. It sounds like he comes then stays hard? Sounds like a dream!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


Practice,lots of practice.
Are you complaining or bragging?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Practice,lots of practice.
> Are you complaining or bragging?


It is a thing. Some guys can do this. 

And does he O with you like you want him too. 

I can last forever, and I am older, but it takes a while after to go again. 

GF, does not want to go much past an hour, she says I make her O too many time, which I did not realize was an issue... 

But I have worked really hard the last few months to try and finish with her every time, and not go too long or make her O more than 9 times in one session. 

I am not great at it all the time, and sometimes I still don't finish, which kind of bothers her. I have a great time but sometimes I don't finish, she understand but does not like it very much...


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


From personal experience... anti-depressants and/or condoms can cause this.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

uhtred said:


> *Its not that uncommon, just not talked about as much as men with ED.* Have you talked to him about whether there is any different sort of activity he would like to get him off?


That's because boasting isn't polite.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> From personal experience... anti-depressants and/or condoms can cause this.


Yes, they can prevent or even delay ejaculation. That isn't what is going on here. Sounds like the dude has zero refractory period. Blows, and then just keeps chugging along like The Little Engine That Could.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


Is this idle curiosity, or, ahem, is wear-and-tear becoming an issue? I know after a few consecutive prolonged session, my wife often taps out on a third.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


Viagra sweetie.
He's taking it!!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

He's cheating on you. 

More seriously, slightly, this a problem how?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> He's cheating on you.
> 
> More seriously, slightly, this a problem how?


I literally laughed out loud. At my cubicle. Where I then had to explain what was funny. Stop that.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

AandM said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > From personal experience... anti-depressants and/or condoms can cause this.
> ...


Oh I misread her post. That is odd, wish I could do that. I think its like an evolutionary thing causes a man to stop and then go soft when he cums so he doesnt slosh all the dna he implanted out. Maybe we should study this creature...


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I think its like an evolutionary thing causes a man to stop and then go soft when he cums so he doesnt slosh all the dna he implanted out.



WHAT??? Are you serious?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > I think its like an evolutionary thing causes a man to stop and then go soft when he cums so he doesnt slosh all the dna he implanted out.
> ...


Of course.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> WHAT??? Are you serious?


Yes, it's strange but true. The shape of the penis head evolved to pull out the sperm of other men so that he can deposit his own sperm. If a guy keeps going after orgasm, he pulls out his own sperm and he's less likely to reproduce.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

NobodySpecial said:


> WHAT??? Are you serious?


He's likely referring to the "sperm war" hypothesis in evolutionary theory. In this case, the idea that the human wang was shaped by evolution to suck out another dude's jizz, while implanting his own. Under this hypothesis, the male refractory period exist to prevent a man from sucking out his own sperm.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> I am not great at it all the time, and sometimes I still don't finish, which kind of bothers her. I have a great time but sometimes I don't finish, she understand but does not like it very much...




So why can you orgasm sometimes and not others?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> Because is is far younger than my husbad.  Sorry, not meaning to be disrespectful. It sounds like he comes then stays hard? Sounds like a dream!




Sorry for the confusion, he doesn’t orgasm and continue. What I mean is sometimes he can’t orgasm at all and can last forever. WHEN he does orgasm he is finished lol.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry for the confusion, he doesn’t orgasm and continue. What I mean is sometimes he can’t orgasm at all and can last forever. WHEN he does orgasm he is finished lol.


This happens to DH when performance and the like gets all up in his head.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Girl_Power I suspect he is simply holding back in order to pleasure you. No man wants to come too quickly and spoil it for his partner so a considerte lover will hold back and when you do this for a while it makes it a little more difficult to come after. But if the female has climaxed and she is done then you sometimes feel like you should stop because she is not into it now. Once you are comfortable with one another the timing will work itself out. Watch a porno film where these guys can go on and on and then orgasm on demand. Dont know how they do it. Years of practice I suppose. But they do that for a living so I guess they have it down to a science


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> So why can you orgasm sometimes and not others?


Some of that is age. Some of that is practice. 

I was with a string of girls that liked long sex sessions, and I has always taken a long time for me to get there, even in my youth. 

So I got in the habit of going for a long time. So when you are doing that you learn to suppress your O until you are ready. However, there are what I call "cum windows" that come along ever so often. Now sometimes when you bypass those windows, you get to a place where there are no more windows and you just don't get there. 

In those situations, if we stop for a while and start again 30 min or so later, then I can get there. One time she, for some reason, wanted me to finish 3 times in 24 hours. I have no idea why that was a big deal to her. So we went at it several times and I got the last one in in under 24 hours. She was so sore we did not have sex for 2 or 3 days, and she has not tried that experiment since...

But all of this varies. 

If your guy is kind of young, and does not have much refractory time, or none, that is just the way that he is. 

Also, after the first pop, an actual O just may not happen no matter what you do. In other words, after the first one, the next one for a lot of guys will not happen at all or until much later. 

And bare in mind that I am 54, and a lot of things change for men past 50. Does any of that make sense?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

😀
Cocaine.

Just kidding, pretty sure anyway.

No, really just a poor attempt at humor I'm sure.

Anyone remember the '70s and '80s? I have bits and pieces. 

Just kidding.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> Some of that is age. Some of that is practice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




100% this helps me a lot. I think he could have written this. 
And we did talk about it and he does suppress them when he feels them coming because he wants me to orgasm first. Unfortunately yesterday I couldn’t get there, and a lot of times I can’t get there. So after an hour I had to give up because I was exhausted with no end in sight.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I'm not sure if this is relevant as you may not be thinking this, but if you are:

It doesn't have any bearing on his desire for you or his attraction to you ........ 

At 44 I don't get there sometimes as well .... it just is what it is and nothing more. It doesn't mean I'm not hot for my wife.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> I'm not sure if this is relevant as you may not be thinking this, but if you are:
> 
> It doesn't have any bearing on his desire for you or his attraction to you ........
> 
> At 44 I don't get there sometimes as well .... it just is what it is and nothing more. It doesn't mean I'm not hot for my wife.


This is what my husband says. I am glad you are sort of validating that @Mr.Married.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Depends on his age too. After mid 40's, it gets more difficult to have lots of orgasm, ie, 2 or 3 a day. Also, a lot of men that age learn if they want to orgasm with their spouse every time, they have to give up masturbation.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> *Unfortunately yesterday I couldn’t get there, and a lot of times I can’t get there. So after an hour I had to give up because I was exhausted with no end in sight.*


Same thing can happen to men. Especially if things get really close but don't actually happen (as in purposely holding back) while exerting one's body. 

In my personal opinion you seem to describe goal driven sex with the sole purpose of achieving orgasm. This often can be counterintuitive and lead to problems with performance anxiety as you spend too much effort focusing on the goal of orgasm and worrying about how awkward it would be to just give up. So then you push and try everything to force one to happen and end up numb, tired, and with a bunch of mixed emotions including disappointment when it just will not happen. You might feel like a failure afterwards. 

Works much better if you set your goal to not have orgasms and then fail spectacularly at it. The idea is to focus on more relaxing and waiting as opposed to exertion and hurrying. If you have never experienced an orgasm while completely relaxed, then you are missing out.

Racing for an orgasm is like running and then drinking a shot of strong liquor that will make you wince when it happens. You might feel relaxed afterwards.

Relaxing and waiting for an orgasm is like hearing the final clicks of a huge ginormous monster roller coaster before you take off down the hill and into the loop-ti-loops screaming as if you just hang on, slow down and then scream some more and more and more loop-ti-loops you didn't even expect surprise you. You might feel energized afterwards.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry for the confusion, he doesn’t orgasm and continue. What I mean is sometimes he can’t orgasm at all and can last forever. WHEN he does orgasm he is finished lol.


onset of erectile dysfunction. 
it can be a number of issues, like nerve damage, side effects from some medication, and so on.

On those days when he can "last forever"...have you tried mixing things up? Like pulling and twisting on his nipples to get him to cum? Changing position so there is different stimulation for his ****? talking dirty to him? Role playing some character that he finds kinky/erotic? His brain is ALMOST at the point of cumming..but he needs a little extra to get the deed done. Like turning up his guitar amplifier to eleven.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

oh, and BTW, on those days when he can not finish....treat it lightly and humorously.
You do not want him mentally starting to doubt he can perform, or it will become a self fulfilling prophecy


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Don't forget the importance of the brain in sex. If he gets stressed about not finishing, the problem becomes worse. (just like ED). Best practice is to just not worry about it. 

If he likes a little D/S play, sometimes reverse psychology can be fun: tie him up and have him try *not* to finish while you do things to him.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry for the confusion, he doesn’t orgasm and continue. What I mean is sometimes he can’t orgasm at all and can last forever. WHEN he does orgasm he is finished lol.


Viagra and Cialis are two possibilities. Those drugs are known for their erectile properties, but they are also prescribed for premature ejaculation issues. 

Another possibility is that he edges. This might be TMI, but I greatly enhanced my ability to go all night using some CBT techniques. I've had by far the most erotic sex since then. If he is willing to do what it takes to go the distance, you have a rare guy. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

> Originally Posted by UpsideDownWorld11 View Post
> I think its like an evolutionary thing causes a man to stop and then go soft when he cums so he doesnt slosh all the dna he implanted out.





NobodySpecial said:


> WHAT??? Are you serious?


Yes the erect penis during heavy extended thrusting will "pull semen" out of a vagina. After orgasm the typical male stops thrusting and that allows him an advantage in "sperm wars." There are some pretty bizarre studies on the hydraulic nature of penis shape.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/penis-shape-explanation_n_1642613

https://metro.co.uk/2018/08/13/penis-shaped-like-mushroom-7831438/



> But actually, there’s an evolutionary reason for the shape. According to research from a team of scientists, led by one Professor Gordon Gallup (yes, really) the shape of the penis is there to allow it to scoop out other men’s semen from a woman’s vagina during sex.....
> 
> In order to explore this theory, the New Scientist did an experiment. They put a mock-up penis with a sizable coronal ridge (aka big bell end) into a fake vagina, and measured how much of a cornstarch mixture it could pull out, compared to a fake penis with no bell end or a smaller bell end. They found that the penis with the massive ridge was able to remove 90% of the cornstarch mixture with just one thrust.


I know, TMI. Sorry.


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## dpoohclock (Apr 30, 2019)

There are many good responses in this thread. 

I also have done it where I get right to that edge of climaxing and then sorta "fall off" and don't climax, due to any number of things. Losing concentration, some odd sound from the background, bad physical angle... There are a lot of causes. 

I'm very capable at taking a while to climax also, so sometimes I just hold it back too long (because she's close again or whatever) and then I miss my chance.. 

And I don't recall if it was on another thread, but that idea of climaxing without ejaculating can happen too. To me that seems like it's a very delicate balance where you just barely hit the climax but then "fall off" too quickly to fully experience it, and then don't ejaculate. Happens rarely for me, maybe once out of every 100 or so. 

Good thing is I have no problem climaxing daily, so I'm not worried about the few times I go "too long", because typically they are already the 2nd/3rd/4th time that day anyway.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


Don't question it. Just enjoy the ride. He's a keeper.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Oh I misread her post. That is odd, wish I could do that. I think its like an evolutionary thing causes a man to stop and then go soft when he cums so he doesnt slosh all the dna he implanted out. Maybe we should study this creature...





NobodySpecial said:


> WHAT??? Are you serious?


It actually wood makes sense (sorry, couldn't resist), but I've not see this as an explanation before. It's been claimed by some that the shape of the glans (head of the penis) is designed to remove deposits placed by others, so maybe there's something to this.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Ever watch edging blowjob/hand job porn? When the man is about to cum, clamp down around the underside of the base of the penis, keeping the vas held shut. He will orgasm without cumming. You can do this over and over, orgasm after orgasm, much like a clit. Just wait a few seconds for the head to stop being too sensitive.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

CraigBesuden said:


> Ever watch edging blowjob/hand job porn? When the man is about to cum, clamp down around the underside of the base of the penis, keeping the vas held shut. He will orgasm without cumming. You can do this over and over, orgasm after orgasm, much like a clit. Just wait a few seconds for the head to stop being too sensitive.




Why is that pleasant? And doesn’t the guy just ejaculate inside? (Or it comes out of his ass? That’s what I heard...) 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

InMyPrime said:


> CraigBesuden said:
> 
> 
> > Ever watch edging blowjob/hand job porn? When the man is about to cum, clamp down around the underside of the base of the penis, keeping the vas held shut. He will orgasm without cumming. You can do this over and over, orgasm after orgasm, much like a clit. Just wait a few seconds for the head to stop being too sensitive.
> ...


It could be pleasant to have a string of orgasms, or to keep going when you don’t want to finish quite so quickly.

In the edging videos it’s kind of a torture/pleasure thing. The woman does it to torture him, preventing him from getting release he desperately craves. She stops providing stimulation just as his orgasm is approaching and holds the base tightly. His penis turns red or purple from this. Finally, she allows him to finish and he shoots an enormous amount, but she’s not touching him as it happens so he gets little pleasure from it (his orgasm is “ruined”).


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


I am having the same problem. Over the years it's been getting worse so now I only finish about 25% of the time. It doesn't necessarily take away the joy of sex, but I think my wife would rather me finish cause she feels like it's her fault; it's not. As time passes, I think that men (or at least me) become more like women in that they orgasm more with their mind than body. So if any pressing thoughts enter my mind as I'm doing it, it can abruptly take my orgasm away and then it's hard to find it. My wife is the same way, if she's overthinking something/stressed, then it's hard for her as well. If she's totally in the moment, it happens fairly quickly.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


Because the human male's body only produces a certain amount of ejaculate. But, that doesn't mean he can't continue to get an erection after he has ejaculated.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Sorry I am ignorant... why can my new boyfriend orgasm without problem, but then stay hard and last forever and never orgasm?


I had this.

A decade and a half later it does not happen. 

Everything is OK.


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## stefanjames (Jul 15, 2019)

I think he practice that kind of skill


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I am having the same problem. Over the years it's been getting worse so now I only finish about 25% of the time. It doesn't necessarily take away the joy of sex, but I think my wife would rather me finish cause she feels like it's her fault; it's not. As time passes, I think that men (or at least me) become more like women in that they orgasm more with their mind than body. So if any pressing thoughts enter my mind as I'm doing it, it can abruptly take my orgasm away and then it's hard to find it. My wife is the same way, if she's overthinking something/stressed, then it's hard for her as well. If she's totally in the moment, it happens fairly quickly.


We should talk LoL. Its gotten to the point where I can't have anything past two drinks if I want to finish...otherwise its very difficult. Very much the opposite of when I was much younger. So these days I don't drink too much. It makes my girlfriend feel bad if I can't finish, but its not her fault...fair or not she feels that way. I do have a secret that might hep you though. Seems to work for me. Try two or three capsules of Horny Goat Weed about an hour before. Seems to make you slightly more sensitive which makes you a mortal man again. I suppose the problem isn't all that bad...but it does ruin those moments that would be perfect for a quickie.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I have previously referred to my husband as a control anomaly. He can last forever it seems and won't finish until he wants to or he cums on demand (when I ask him to), then he changes completely. His strokes change, his breathing changes, everything changes, and then he lets loose. But we can also enjoy a quickie sometimes when we wanna. The only time he doesn't control his climaxes is when I'm the one in control. 

I dated another guy back when I was 19 or 20 who was the same way. And then, there was a guy I dated when I was in my 30s who couldn't cum except in one particular position. We could go a long while and switch to different positions but when he was ready to climax, we had to both turn on our sides so he could get behind me. That position was the only one he could climax in.


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