# I feel in my gut my husband has crossed the Physical boundaries



## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

This is the 2nd post in two years. The last post was about my husbands EA. Heres a brief on our marriage- My hubsand and I will have 12 years in marriage coming this march but we've been together for 13 yrs. We've had a pretty good sex life through out our whole marriage but he would dispute that a few years ago when we were only making love 1-2 per week. I thought it was sufficient as other couples we knew maybe engaged in sexual intimacy 1-2/month. Even during shark week (menstrual time) I was always good about giving oral. We've had trust issues due to him texting female friends behind my back and deleting the text. Or messaging lolled female friends through Facebook flirty messages and then deleting the evidence. Then his EA that lasted for a little over a year, we've been trying to rebuild trust since but he has been caught in a few lies since. 

2 Yrs ago We were at a party at another married couples house, He grew up with the wife and unbeknownst to me they had slept together a couple times in the past, well we let loose that night and I got very drunk and passed out as did the husband of the other female. I hardly ever drink maybe twice a year so i was out for the count. Well those two stayed up for a couple hours talking, which I was not very happy about. The next day she was telling me how they talked about how they used to crush on each other, I called my husband at work and he denied it and got very upset. 

Fast Forward to 10 months ago. I saw hime texting someone and I asked to see his phone, he showed me without hesitation and I saw no recent text messages so I asked him who he was texting and he said one of his friends name but the last text from that person was 5 hours ago. I kept asking who did he text and he stuck with his story. I knew in my heart who it was and I asked did you text B and delete it?? No why are you accusing me of that, I told you I wouldn't do that ever again why can't you just believe me, I am trying my ass off for you. Well things got heated while we were headed home and he kicked me out of the truck. So 4 miles from my home I started walking, Crying and couldn't believe he would treat me this way. He drove towards the house and about 5 minutes later drove past, flipped around and tried to get me back in the truck. I didn't want to but eventually I did because I didn't want to cause a spectacle. 

I didn't;t say a word until we were about to our house and I asked you promise you didn't text her!!! He looked my straight in the eye and Says Kolie I promise I did not text her!! Well he didn't know that I had set up the iCloud to send all texts to my computer so He stayed outside feeding our animals and I went straight in to check my computer and sure as **** they were texting and IT WAS NOTHING to hide. SOOO stupid. I took a pic with my phone.

Anyways I went out and asked him very calmly, so you didn't text B?? Nope I didn't. Are you sure thats your final answer?? Yep. I then flipped my **** and said then WTF is this?? He did this usual Im so done with this **** rant and I said no Im f****** done. He was ready to sit the kids down and explain to them that we were going to divorce well he couldn't bring himself to do it. We cooled off and talked and decided not to throw in the towel but I made sure he knew that this would set us back and if he didn't have the patience to do this to tell me now because it wasn't going to be ease as we will be starting back at square one.

Ok now Fast forward to about 4 months ago... We sometimes stay up late and watch movies and talk about everything and anything, goals in life etc; Well I asked him something that had been bugging me for a couple years now. I asked him what him and B really talked about and if anything inappropriate happened well he admitted to the things she told me finally but then he admitted that she tried to kiss him but he forgot that he never told me about it and I think the shock on my face told him he slipped up. He swears up and down that he didn't kiss her back and he moved away and then came to bed. I kept my cool and asked him why am I just hearing about this now?? He said he didn't think it was a big deal and just didn't think about it. Um really so if some guy did this **** to me you don't think I should tell you. H was like well if nothing happened. So I fibbed and made up a story of some random acquaintance pushing me up against a wall and trying to kiss me and I could see that it would have bothered him and He just knit of said Really hmm. I asked him again that wouldn't bother you?? Well Yeah I guess a little. I was like ok then do you get where Im coming from?? The next day I admitted that I had lied and made the whole thing up to get him to put his self in my shoes. He has no empathy bone in his body. I have been reading about narcissist after googling people with lack of empathy. I even read him the traits and he agreed that he carried a lot of those traits. 

I can't help but think that much more went on that night at the party. He swears up and down but I remind him that I can't trust a word he says and he agrees and says I know you can't believe me but its the truth. I don't believe for one minute if they were talking about their lust for each other when they were younger and she made a move why would he not take her up on it??

I also have another dilemma. Ugh why can't he just get his **** together?! My husband had to work out of state this past summer, took our camper up there and stayed in a RV park and one of his laborers stayed in the camper with him. Well more than a couple times he never called me for a full day even at night when he was off. Him and his crew would go to dinner, have drinks and then go to bed and he just says I fell asleep. Well after a couple times of that I told him in order to work on our trust I need you to call me before you go to bed, were already apart so much and this distance isn't helping. Plus Why wouldn't you want to call the person you love the most??? well he did good for a couple weeks then he was back to not calling me and we got in a big fight about it and didn't talk for 2 days until he came home that weekend. I told him how it hurt me because he is the love of my life and He's on my mind throughout the day, he gets defensive and goes on about how he's out there working his ass off for our family and he's exhausted when the day is done. I said you can't even send me a text?? I see him on instagram at night why can't he take 2 seconds and call me to say honey Im very tired and going to bed I love you goodnight?? He should want to call me. He should be missing me. 

Well he said he was sorry and that he was going to try harder. OK awesome thank you. Well the next week it was 8pm, I texted him, are you still working?? No sorry we went straight to dinner and I forgot to call you. Ok so I wait thinking he was going to call me, I gave it an hour and a half.... never called! I texted him are you still out?? No response. I sent him another text are you out partying or what lol?!! Nothing.... So I called him, now it was around 10:30pm. No answer. I called 3 more times and he answered a little disoriented like he had been dead asleep and I said what are you doing?? You didn't think to call me when I texted you?? He then pauses, whispers hold on, hold on and I hear him like stumbling around like he was trying to get out of earshot of someone. Now He was getting pissed and was like Im sleeping and I have to get up in 6 hours. I said who is there with you and he just kind of said what do you mean who? L is here and I don't want to wake him up? Then he was Like I can't do this I need to get up for work soon goodbye. He texted me the next day and texted that he was sorry around 12 pm. I asked what he was doing and he said just grabbing lunch, he sent me a pic of his lunch. Well after last night I discovered the find my phone app and saw that he was at his camper which is quite a ways away from his job. I said oh at your camper?? He then called and said yeah how do you know, I just had to come and do some paper work?? I just played it off as a lucky guess. I kept texting him because by now I have so many things running threw my mind. I felt like someone was there with him and maybe she stayed there until he went back to get her on his lunch break. Then I watched the FMP app and noticed that he didn't go back to work until around 4 pm, so then I have in my head they're probably having another go round before he takes her back(my effing imagination)I asked him later how long did your paperwork take??He says oh maybe 30 more minutes if that then I headed back to work. I said oh yeah hmmm ok. Well I was just convinced and still am that there was more going on then he will admit. I didn't slleep at all that night and even told myself next he's going to say that he can't come home this weekend and what do you know he called 3 hours later saying he has to start working weekends until the job is done. He seemed totally fine with it when in the past he would be more upset because we never were apart that long at a time, but he was almost happy about it. I asked him why he seemed so upbeat and he was just like well we really need the money. That weekend we had concert tickets to a big concert and he made arrangements to come home so we could still go. We enede up having one of the best times ever. It felt like we really reconnected more than ever in a really long time. Well what do you know they called off the working weekends when he went back to work that next week.

This is the big thing that has my guts churning constantly. This feeling will not go away. We've had a few really good talks since then and I told him that if he has anything that he is hiding that now is the time to get it out and I will forgive him and we can work on reconciling but I won't be able to do that unless theres complete honesty. I also told him that I know there is something and this is his chance to prove that he is committed to rebuilding and that it would be the best thing to tell me any of your indiscretions now, on your own, with out me having to have concrete evidence in my hand for you to tell me the truth! I said you have never came and openly admitted any of your wrong doings, Ive always found out about them and for me to get over this huge hurdle and to be able to even start to think I can ever trust you again, this is your perfect opportunity. I said you have until the end of this week after that if I find one single thing that you have held from me I cannot forgive and be in this marriage with you. He sat there for a minute like he was trying to think of something that he hasn't told me. He says you've found out about everything Ive ever done, I don't dare to do anything because you always have a way of finding out. I called bs. I asked about idaho and he sat there and then said the only thing that happened in the other state was they went to red robin(which is the same place he went that night he never called and I called him and I've had strong suspicions about) and the waitress was being flirty (my husband is very handsome and very confident) so at the end when she brought him his bill he said he wrote his number on the back and told her if SHE NEEDED anything to call. I was shocked to say the least. I said you gave her your real number?? Well I have her Ls number(his laborer)I asked him you gave her his real number?? I asked what she did do when she saw it and some other questions pertaining to her looks, he just said she was walking away but turned and smiled. Yeah but it was more funny than anything she never called . I said why give her a real phone number if you weren't expecting her to call you back? I asked him what she looked like and he was like she had long brown hair and kind of bigger. Well the next day I was searching fb for the women who worked there and asking him if it was her.

Then the next day we were up late again and I asked if he thought of anything and he said well I thought about it and there was a time when I was working over blah blah and me and C(former boss) went to a strip club, he bought me a lap dance but it was the worst experience ever, I felt bad for the girl blah blah blah. I told him thank and that I appreciated the honesty but think on things for the rest of the week, write them down and well get back to this, this coming sunday. Later that night when we were in bed he said you want to know the honest truth?? In my head I was thinking thats all I EVER ****ING wanted! He goes on to say that he made that story up about the waitress. ARE YOU EFFING kidding me? We were in a discussion about fully disclosing the truths and secrets in order to make this work? Why the F would you make something like that up??He says because I have it set in my head that something happened so he said it to appease me. What I think? I think it did happen and he got scared once he saw me digging around and saw how easily I found people that worked there..


Sorry if this is hard to understand and so long but I wanted to make sure and add all details in


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I hate to tell you but you married one serial cheating, lying sack of sh*t.

His 'stories' are lame and Mr. Innocent - when he tells you one of his bullsh*t lies - *always* manages to paint himself as some innocent victim who was hit on by a woman and how he managed to escape her evil ways. What a joke.

Unfortunately, this guy has had you snowed for YEARS.

I've known MANY men just like him - they take* every* opportunity they can weasel their way into and then tell these ridiculous stories to their wives when their sleazy activity makes their wives suspicious. 

He's just been lucky so far that you *haven't *found that one piece of 'smoking gun' evidence that would nail his cheating ass to the wall where he couldn't lie his way out of it with his Mr. Innocent nonsense.



> He then pauses, whispers hold on, hold on and I hear him like stumbling around like he was trying to get out of earshot of someone. Now He was getting pissed and was like Im sleeping and I have to get up in 6 hours. I said who is there with you and he just kind of said what do you mean who? L is here and I don't want to wake him up? Then he was Like I can't do this I need to get up for work soon goodbye.


I hope you don't believe that steaming pile of manure.



> I told him thank and that I appreciated the honesty


Unfortunately, you have YET to get a* shred of honesty* from this guy. In between his 'horrible lap dance,' and that woman 'trying to force a kiss on him at the party but he ran away,' right down to claiming that he lied about the waitress and it never happened is pure unadulterated bullsh*t. There's no doubt in my mind he's using his worker's phone to conduct his cheating so there's nothing on YOUR cell bill when you look it up. Or he's got himself a burner phone up at his trailer.



> He did this usual Im so done with this **** rant and I said no Im f****** done. He was ready to sit the kids down and explain to them that we were going to divorce well he couldn't bring himself to do it.


God what a phony. But it sure managed to shut you up and take a step back, so his little drama queen manipulation ploy did work in the end.



> I asked him later how long did your paperwork take??He says oh maybe 30 more minutes if that then I headed back to work.


And he just proves my point yet AGAIN that he's a lying sack of sh*t and wouldn't know what true honesty is if it hit him in the face.

You've only seen the very *tip* of the iceberg with this guy. Surely you don't think you've managed to catch him every single time he was out tom-catting these past 12 years? Not even close. Don't forget - for every rat you do see, there are 50 you don't. It's painfully obvious he's a serial cheater and will always be a serial cheater.

I'd be at my doctor's getting a full STD panel because this fool doesn't give a crap what he picks up out on the road (obviously) and is playing Russian Roulette with your sexual health. I know you don't want to believe it but this is who you married. He's as transparent as glass.

ETA: the users on this board generally frown on the advice to have your cheating spouse take a polygraph test because they feel all is lost if you've gotten to that point. I can *guarantee* you if you hooked your lying husband up to a polygraph machine, he would FAIL every single question.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kolie, being in a place of distrust with your spouse is soul destroying. However, you are not doing yourself any favours by badgering him. Your H does not sound the type to sit down and have an open and honest discussion on how he ****ed up, very few people are.
However, your gut is onto something for sure.
YOur problem is that he has had an EA before, you never got healing, he does not appear to have done anything to help you heal at all.
YOu should lie low, stop questioning him, act normal and observe. Keep a record (notes) via dates of anything you think is out of the ordinary, record it, use it as a journal, rather than badger him.
Look at the standard evidence thread and see what you can use from there. 
The best way to catch a cheater is not to put them on notice you know something is wrong, but to act normal while always on the look out and you need to do that.
I have been where you are and didn't find out in full because now I don't give a ****. Still married, still having sex, etc but once you decide to stop depending on the other person for your happiness, life begins. You sound as if you might need to do that also.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I think that there was more than ample opportunity for their relationship to have gone PA anytime during the course of their EA!

After all, an EA and a PA usually come to walk hand in hand, with the BS not having the first damned clue as to when it's going on and having no real feel of things other than their very own "gut instincts," which more often than not, is usually always correct!*


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

From his perspective, you are a nag, untrusting, and nit picking his every move. So he just says whatever to get you off his back. He feels entitled to "own" the time and space away because he's providing for the family. He doesn't like you poking around all the time.

Could he be a non-cheating but emotionally shallow and non-needy guy? Sure, maybe.

You, on the other hand, have lost all trust and respect for the guy. You have zero tolerance for anything he says because you know he's basically saying "shut the f up, woman!"

I think he should read His Needs Her Needs to understand your annoying, nit-picking and intrusive ways are how virtually all women act when their basic needs of communication and connection aren't being met. You should read it too - if he's traveling all the time, his need for sex isn't being met and certainly being appreciated and respected isn't being met.

So I'm ignoring the question about him ACTUALLY being a cheating scumbag. Because even if he isn't - which is the ideal outcome - you guys are seriously not getting basic needs met.

In an ideal situation, he'd be interested in you and frequently touch base. You'd lie in bed at night talking and maybe tell him sexy stories too so you're helping him meet his sexual needs. You are no where near this (and for good reason)

All I'm saying is I don't see how you create a good, respectful, close, affectionate relationship you deserve. That's where you would need to end up.

I agree with lying low and gathering evidence - maybe even hiring a PI. You must get a better sense of what is going on before you should accept any of this.

Btw my descriptions of you and him are not how I see it - it's how I think you see each other.

Good luck - idk 


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Men often react to their wives the same way they would their mother; after all, that's the other female they're most familiar with. You're treating him like a child and the more you do it, the more he's going to lie. Or not tell the truth.

Read up about boundaries and consequences. You need to make clear your boundaries and what consequences you'll enact if he crosses those boundaries. This is a big change from you trying to change HIM. Which is pointless. You have to give him a reason to want to change.

And yes read His Needs Her Needs - both of you.


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

I actually did and do send him sexually explicit messages and nude pics throughout the day and we would FaceTime once in awhile he was there when his coworker wasn't around! I actually put a lot of effort in to keeping things spiced up in that department because I know that's his love language. We've always had a pretty wild sex life, that's another thing I didn't mention he hasn't been as interested he keeps saying that he just needs to get his hormones checked and that he just doesn't need sex as much anymore, that mentally he wants to because he is so in love with me but physically doesn't feel like it! To give him the benefit of the doubt he was working 80 hrs a week and it has slowly been getting better though


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I hate to tell you but you married one serial cheating, lying sack of sh*t.
> 
> His 'stories' are lame and Mr. Innocent - when he tells you one of his bullsh*t lies - *always* manages to paint himself as some innocent victim who was hit on by a woman and how he managed to escape her evil ways. What a joke.
> 
> ...


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

Sorry I am still figuring out how to reply correctly! Tunera I agree. I will pick those books up and we can both read them. Im at the end of my rope. I don't want to have to babysit my husband its exhausting and its making me go crazy. I just want an honest answer out of him but unfortunately I don't know if ill ever get one


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> From his perspective, you are a nag, untrusting, and nit picking his every move. So he just says whatever to get you off his back. He feels entitled to "own" the time and space away because he's providing for the family. He doesn't like you poking around all the time.
> 
> Could he be a non-cheating but emotionally shallow and non-needy guy? Sure, maybe.
> 
> ...


*
I actually did and do send him sexually explicit messages and nude pics throughout the day and we would FaceTime once in awhile he was there when his coworker wasn't around! I actually put a lot of effort in to keeping things spiced up in that department because I know that's his love language. We've always had a pretty wild sex life, that's another thing I didn't mention he hasn't been as interested he keeps saying that he just needs to get his hormones checked and that he just doesn't need sex as much anymore, that mentally he wants to because he is so in love with me but physically doesn't feel like it! To give him the benefit of the doubt he was working 80 hrs a week and it has slowly been getting better though*


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

aine said:


> Kolie, being in a place of distrust with your spouse is soul destroying. However, you are not doing yourself any favours by badgering him. Your H does not sound the type to sit down and have an open and honest discussion on how he ****ed up, very few people are.
> However, your gut is onto something for sure.
> YOur problem is that he has had an EA before, you never got healing, he does not appear to have done anything to help you heal at all.
> YOu should lie low, stop questioning him, act normal and observe. Keep a record (notes) via dates of anything you think is out of the ordinary, record it, use it as a journal, rather than badger him.
> ...


*Thats my issue ha! In the past I always confronted without hard evidence and I know by now he's learned to cover his tracks. I was actually really looking at doing the 180! I used to be so confident and sure of my self and so dependent, but now I feel lost and without identity, like I don't know who I am anymore. I really need to find myself again*


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## ulyssesheart (Jan 7, 2017)

Kolie123 said:


> I actually did and do send him sexually explicit messages and nude pics throughout the day and we would FaceTime once in awhile he was there when his coworker wasn't around! I actually put a lot of effort in to keeping things spiced up in that department because I know that's his love language. We've always had a pretty wild sex life, that's another thing I didn't mention *he hasn't been as interested he keeps saying that he just needs to get his hormones checked and that he just doesn't need sex as much anymore, that mentally he wants to because he is so in love with me but physically doesn't feel like it!* To give him the benefit of the doubt he was working 80 hrs a week and it has slowly been getting better though


You are the ideal wife. Does he deserve you? Apparently, you still think so. On his physical "professed" shortcomings, I would take him at his word. Many men age faster than women in this respect. Yes, have him get a full blood panel, including his testosterone levels. 80 hours is a lot of work stress.


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

ulyssesheart said:


> You are the ideal wife. Does he deserve you? Apparently, you still think so. On his physical "professed" shortcomings, I would take him at his word. Many men age faster than women in this respect. Yes, have him get a full blood panel, including his testosterone levels. 80 hours is a lot of work stress.



*I do love him still so much! When things are good things are GOOD. I was married before way too young so its not that Im afraid of divorce, its just hard to walk out when you still love someone. He does do a lot for our family and is a great father but its the lying and sneaking that has me exhausted, i do not want to throw 12 years down the drain but honestly this is me giving one last shot! So that I know I did all I could. *


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

I was so flustered with trying to reply back the right way that I didn't say thank you to any of you who have taken time to give the great advice you've given! So thank you all! I have taken all of your advice to heart! I have a lot to contemplate


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Does he know he's getting one last chance?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Good luck. With the information you added about your sex life, your willingness to work on it, his work hours... i don't know the answer.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

You seem more concerned with catching him in lies and then screaming at him about it rather than actually dealing with the problem.


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

Tunera oh yes I made it abundantly clear and He can see that I'm tired and sick of being hurt. The hurdle I can't overcome is that he's never openly or willing came to me to admit any of his indiscretions. EVER. So that's what I'm having a hard time getting past. I've always had to have concrete evidence in hand otherwise he would lie till my ears bled


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

I don't scream and I'm not constantly bringing **** up, it's when **** isn't adding up with what he's telling me and his actions. Your damn right I try and figure out which of what he says is a lie and what is not because he's lied to my face without blinking so many times! I would love to figure out whatever the problem is to make this stop. I do everything for this person, I've given so much love and so much of myself to this person. I don't want to feel hurt and betrayed I would LOVE to be able to trust what he says believe me! This is all on me he's made the choice to lie, I haven't gave him any reason to lie. It's his bad choices and actions that caused these trust issues. I'm not perfect but I do my best and if there's anything that's bothering him I address the problem in myself and change it. Maybe that's my problem


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Kolie123,

Your H sounds like a serial cheater which means that his behavior and habits have to change. 

What is different between a serial cheater and a contact cheater is that a serial cheater is always on the lookout for vulnerable women, always sweet talking them, and he enjoys cheating.

A contact cheater, who could be you or I if we didn't maintain boundaries, by contrast becomes fond of someone they usually do not intend to simply by spending too much time with them, often times more than they spend with their spouse.

The contact cheater knows what they did was wrong the serial cheater is often too narcissistic to admit to it.

Tamat


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## Pixel (Jan 10, 2017)

Though different circumstances, our stories are very similar. I don't think he'll ever change, and I don't think mine will ever. Good luck to us both!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Kolie123 said:


> I don't scream and I'm not constantly bringing **** up, it's when **** isn't adding up





Kolie123 said:


> Anyways I went out and asked him very calmly, so you didn't text B?? Nope I didn't. Are you sure thats your final answer?? Yep. I then flipped my **** and said then WTF is this?? He did this usual Im so done with this **** rant and I said no Im f****** done.


I'll bet you curse a lot and use a ton of foul language.



Kolie123 said:


> Your damn right I try and figure out which of what he says is a lie and what is not because he's lied to my face without blinking so many times!


Not getting the point of it all? It's clear he lies to you all the time, he's always lied to you and he will continue to lie to you. It's not like he's going to suddenly say "Ok you caught me I won't lie anymore let's live happily ever after".



Kolie123 said:


> I would love to figure out whatever the problem is to make this stop.


Sometimes the problem is sort of "built in" to a person and that's how they are, they are unwilling or unable to change and beating them over the head with it won't do anything but push them even further away and make the problem even worse. 



Kolie123 said:


> I would LOVE to be able to trust what he says believe me!


Well you can't and you will never be able to, so accept this as fact and decide if you want to stay with such a person.



Kolie123 said:


> This is all on me he's made the choice to lie, I haven't gave him any reason to lie.


You come across as very loud, very controlling, and rather nasty. I am not condoning his actions but I can see why he isn't as open and honest with you as he could be because he doesn't feel safe and comfortable with you because you are like a lit fuse just waiting to explode.



Kolie123 said:


> I'm not perfect but I do my best and if there's anything that's bothering him I address the problem in myself and change it. Maybe that's my problem


Everyone says they do their best. Well most people do. You don't hear people saying "I did my worst". You might see people say they made mistakes or they could have tried harder but even that is rather unusual. 

Maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself, and ask yourself if you are a nice, calm, reasonable person to be around or do you make people walk on eggshells because you're quick to anger?


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

Actually I don't curse a lot in serious discussions. And I couldn't be further than your portraying me as. I'm kind hearted, I care about people and their feelings and I try boost the self esteem anyone and everyone around me. I have no problem acknowledging my husbands good efforts and give him a lot of praise when he does put forth that effort. I put everyone else ahead of my own needs and I have no problem acknowledging or saying sorry when I am wrong. I take pride in being an honest person with integrity and really didn't think that it was so much to expect the same from my husband. I'm in a very vulnerable place in my life and I lost my sense of self worth. So yes your comment stung, But the picture you paint of me couldn't be more wrong


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

Ugh Pixel I'm so sorry you are dealing with a similar situation! I know the damage it can't cause?? If you ever want to talk or need someone to just listen you can always message me ??


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Kolie123 said:


> I take pride in being an honest person with integrity and really didn't think that it was so much to expect the same from my husband.


It's clear from what you've written that it's too much to expect from your husband, he is simply not an honest person and the verbal lashing you give him every time you catch him in a lie isn't going to fix anything.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I sent a pm


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## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

Wow Bowser you sure do have a wild imagination! Good for you


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

I'm going to be an astronaut.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Kolie123 said:


> *Actually I don't curse a lot in serious discussions.* And I couldn't be further than your portraying me as. I'm kind hearted, I care about people and their feelings and I try boost the self esteem anyone and everyone around me. I have no problem acknowledging my husbands good efforts and give him a lot of praise when he does put forth that effort. I put everyone else ahead of my own needs and I have no problem acknowledging or saying sorry when I am wrong. I take pride in being an honest person with integrity and really didn't think that it was so much to expect the same from my husband. I'm in a very vulnerable place in my life and I lost my sense of self worth. So yes your comment stung, But the picture you paint of me couldn't be more wrong


You should, it's fun >


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

Pixel said:


> Though different circumstances, our stories are very similar. I don't think he'll ever change, and I don't think mine will ever. Good luck to us both!


Luck has very little to do with the future. Making choices that are good for you is what creates a good future

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Either he is cheating or he does not care enough about you to phone you once a day. 

Either way there is something wrong.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You can't force someone to love and respect you. Just because you are kind and loving, doesn't mean that he will honor you. He is lying - big time - and he knows that he can get around his W, so there's no reason for him to stop. In his mind, he has two options: 1. Have his cake and eat it, too, and 2) Have his cake.

He wants option 1 - he wants his cheating and his wife. He knows she won't leave, so he can have both. You have proven to him that he can have both.

He doesn't really care that he hurts you. He only sees his own feelings/desires. Your hurt is uncomfortable and annoying to him, but he manages to 'put up with it,' because.....he wants his cake and eat it, too.

He has no empathy for you. Stop having empathy enough for two. There is no percentage in it. He will continue to lie and cheat as long as the worst that you do is stamp your feet.

They say that you have to be willing to lose it in order to save it. You have to get tough and show him what he is losing. Don't let him continue to lie to you. With every lie he makes a bigger fool of you and your marriage. Stand up for yourself with a show of strength and self-respect.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> You should, it's fun >


QFT!!!:grin2:


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