# For ladies: what would you do when husbands want sex but you don't want it?



## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Not wanting sex but to show you are a supportive wife, you might want to:
1. Give him a blow job.

2. Give him a hand job.
What else can you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

I will generally give it unless... I am over the top tired/sick, or in very few cases (with sex) I will withold because my needs, my language, has been absolutely ignored for too long, after voicing the inbalance. (very rare since I not only enjoy sex, but I have a compulsion to continue to show my love/affection and to give to my partner).

If it can't be sex... oral/booby fun takes its place


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I say I dont want sex and go to bed.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I am open to being turned on and having sex when I am not in the mood. You can't get in the mood without doing something to get you there.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband and I have a very interesting sex life , and this works great for us! 

When he wants it, I just open my legs for him, or he does my doggy, he can take me at any time he wants, no matter I am in a sexual mood or not. 

When I want it, he is always there for me too! I can enjoy his body and his toy at any time I want to. 

We don't wait for both of us to be in the mood! And we enjoy our sex no matter who wants to have orgasms. 

We know it is very important not to deprive each other sex and intimacy. 

And I have this theory, now we are young, we can have great sex, why don't we take advantage of our youth and have wonderful sex as much as we can? It doesn't cost us a penny! Free but wonderful entertainment!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

friendly said:


> Not wanting sex but to show you are a supportive wife, you might want to:
> 1. Give him a blow job.
> 
> 2. Give him a hand job.
> What else can you do?


Besides #1 and #2 - If sex is not 'hurting' you physically, I don't see any reason to not get the lube out, show enthusianm even with these things & let him have his way with you -any way he prefers, this will make him a very happy man, he will likely ejaculate quicker feeling you are "with him" in spirit, than if he KNOWS you are just doing this to please. Our attitude is seriously everything.

If I "cum" before my husband - I am out for the count, but I gladly and enthusactically give him any position his heart desires and I still act as excited as I did before my orgasm. 

It is easy for us women. Lube & an enthusiastic attitude is all you need.


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## Shannon77 (Mar 20, 2011)

Oral sex!!:smthumbup:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Tell him to do some chores.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Tell him to do some chores.


After some chores?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There's an end to chores? Seriously though, to me there's no answer to this problem. If you don't want to and you won't change and you won't accommodate then what difference does your answer or non answer matter? Are you looking for a rationale and a justification for living in denial?

I can rip a page from my own life. My wife has not consented to sex or sexual contact or basically even any physical contact of any kind including kissing in almost 20 years. She has never initiated any physical contact or intimacy of any kind, ever. Not once. She will not has not does not discuss this in any way, never has never will. To her no means no. Is she worried about hurting my feelings? Probably not. Do I care she doesn't care about my feelings? Not for years and years. I stopped asking or expecting anything a very very long time ago. 

So I think if you're taking that long trip into denial, celibacy, withdrawal then just do it. Be blunt. It's less painful in the long run.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Sex will not be the same for ever...is a biological fact, so to all the woman here that suggests to just ignore the husband, you should at least make sure she is gets that for you is important that he understand that you know is a big deal......for man sex is 55% of how we feel loved so just make sure he understands that you know this.....know, if you can getting him off, better....


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

This never happens in my life. I am the one who always wants it and I never get it. =(


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

how about telling the husband to go and musterbate by himself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

friendly said:


> how about telling the husband to go and musterbate by himself?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is still rejection! He will feel rejected! 

When a man is rejected by sex, he feels very hurt, feels frustrated, and he will be unwilling to show you his love. He will withdraw from you! He will be uncooperative! He will be miserable. It is not good for his health. 

Do you care about his health? You know, you are a couple, his health is important to you. If he is ill, your life will also be affected. 

There is an article I found says men who have regular sex tend not to have prostate cancer. The percentage drops a lot. 

Sex is important to men, and to women too actually! I don't know why you don't enjoy sex, or you don't enjoy sex with him?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

If he ejaculates regularly, it's still physically healthy. 
It's not true that men don't ejaculate with women, they will feel hurt.
Women have inconvenience once week per month.
I don't have sex when i'm having the AF.
They have to take rejection without being exaggerated.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

If you don't have sex with me, I will withdraw my love?!
What kind of love is that built only on sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

friendly said:


> If you don't have sex with me, I will withdraw my love?!
> What kind of love is that built only on sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What kind of marital love deliberately removes sex from the equation?

One headed towards doom.

Barring physical impairment or medical issues, love without sex is what you have with your dog, your kid, your mom, etc.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

friendly said:


> If you don't have sex with me, I will withdraw my love?!
> What kind of love is that built only on sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sex is a very important part of marriage. People cannot handle being rejected all the time and frequent refusals are a form of not offering love.
It's not fair to demand love, yet rarely show it by sharing sex. I think that husbands like to use sex as a way to get closer to their wives. Nothing wrong with that! 
Based on what I have read on TAM, I have an uncommonly high sex drive for a woman. If Mr.G constantly rejected me, I would feel heartbroken and unattractive. 
98% of the time, I am ready and willing. This is why when I say no, Mr.G has no issue with cuddling me or rubbing my back until I fall asleep, if fatigue is the issue. Give and take is the idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Pls give helpful answers to the question asked.
We're not here to argue sex is important in marriage. Everybody knows it. Pls help give alternatives when a wife doesn't want to have sex, what can she do to support her husband in case, she's having her AF, illness or discomfort. 
Pls don't jump into criticism. Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Rubbing the husband's back until he falls into sleep when he wants sex?
Funny idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Don't suggest a wife to open her legs when she doesn't want it for some valid reason. It's like you have a stomach ache but ppl force you to eat.
When you don't want to eat, ppl said you're bad. You shouldn't reject.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I'm not opening this thread for myself but for many wives who have this issue and sex becomes a torture to them. So pls give good suggestion and help.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

friendly said:


> Rubbing the husband's back until he falls into sleep when he wants sex?
> Funny idea.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's funny is that you have asked for no criticism, yet you criticising my idea. LOL A bit confused are we?
Once again, my husband does not mind rubbing my back, because I rarely refuse his sexual advances. It goes both ways. If I constantly said no, he would not be willing to take care of me, on the rare occasions when I say no, because I am tired. Make sense?
The reason you received responses about the importance of marital sex, is you scoffed at the idea of sex needed to feel love.
I'm sure that you're bright enough to think of the obvious alternatives: oral sex, hand jobs, playing with boobs, masturbating each other...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

friendly said:


> Don't suggest a wife to open her legs when she doesn't want it for some valid reason. It's like you have a stomach ache but ppl force you to eat.
> When you don't want to eat, ppl said you're bad. You shouldn't reject.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Members can suggest what they choose. You may take the suggestions or leave them, but you may not control what members post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

My answer would depend on why you are refusing. If im too tired, which rarely happens, I will say "im sorry honey but I need to give you a raincheck and then.....i hook him up the next day. 

If I dont want to have sex my husband doesnt want a handjob or blow job, he wants the full menu with me. I know if i leave him hanging, he will just suffer through it and thats not okay. i have to be sick, exhausted, migraine, but something HAS to be wrong for me to not be the closest i can be to him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

When the wife is having her period, being sick, having pain,

The husband should be supportive and understanding. 

You have to be clear what you are asking. 

On this forum, we read very often that the wives refuse to have sex just because they don't want to have sex, they don't care about their husbands' needs. They deprive their husbands sex! That's what we think very inconsiderate! A happy marriage doesn't exist when the wife is depriving her husband sex!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

michzz said:


> What kind of marital love deliberately removes sex from the equation?
> 
> One headed towards doom.
> 
> Barring physical impairment or medical issues, love without sex is what you have with your dog, your kid, your mom, etc.


Well said.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## so_sad (Nov 23, 2010)

There has NEVER been a time when I didn't want it. Never. Now, I did have many times and eventually years where my husband didn't want it but I am like a dude in the sex department. he he


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

michzz said:


> love without sex is what you have with your dog


I prefer my dogs. They don't judge so much.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

michzz said:


> What kind of marital love deliberately removes sex from the equation? ... Barring physical impairment or medical issues, love without sex is what you have with your dog, your kid, your mom, etc.


Even with physical impairment or medical issues, I would think the issue is "willingness to find something mutually satisfying" vs. "self-centered personal comfort only." 

In other words, let's say I had a baby, had surgery, or had some sort of medical issue that made sex painful for an extended time such as a few months or a few years. Does this mean "Sorry honey--I'm not able to have intercourse so you have to be a monk now." NO!! Emphatically NO!!! It means that I still indicate to my husband that a sexually satisfying relationship is still important to me. It means that we discuss TOGETHER what will and will not be mutually enjoyable and satisfying...thinking not only of myself but of him and his needs too. 

To my mind when a WIFE is unwilling to have sex and uses even the excuse of physical impairment or medical issues, what they are really saying is "My needs, enjoyment, comfort, etc. mean more in this relationship than yours do" and in a relationship, completely discounting one party's needs is not going to lead to a loving, happy relationship!

Thus even assuming physical impairment or medical issues, I would STILL recommend talking together, being frank about what can and can not be done without pain, talking about the limits of exertion, and brainstorming for options that meet BOTH needs...not just one. When I just had a baby, I was physically exhausted (any of you who've had kids know what I mean and why), and for one I had a cesarean, so we agreed to touch and kiss as much as possible, move to BJ or hand or boob, and he took one middle-of-the night feeding shift off my hands so I could get 4 hours of sleep uninterrupted.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Affaircare - all of what you say is right...however...there are wives (and husbands, though far fewer) for whom what their partner wants or may like simply doesnt enter the equation.

It simply doesn't concern my wife in the slightest that I need sex more than she does or that I would really like to receive oral from her or even just tongue kiss her. 
She isn't interested in what I may like, want or need....never has been, never will be. Its all about her and her needs. If she feels horny then I HAVE to oblige whether I am interested or not. When I feel horny and she doesn't, tough. 
I am not a monk so what do I do?...watch some porn, fantasize (sometimes over my wife) and masturbate.

But because I am a male, its all my fault.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

I am asexual but I realise my husband has needs, so we have sex every couple of days to satisfy his needs. Although I find it quite gross and boring, I do it because I love him and it would be pretty slack of me to just say "no.. go wank off" whenever he gets horny. And I also know that I am his wife, therefore it is my job to have sex with him. I kinda keep the "big picture" in mind whenever I do it. I present as being eager and enthusiastic, because that is also one of his needs. I do 99% of what he wants, I don't limit him to 1 position etc. If it is extremely gross I won't do it, or if it will hurt me I don't. But luckily he isn't a very kinky person so there is not much I'll say no to.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I agree when it's medical and illness reasons, husbands must be supportive. I'd love to invite more wives whose libido is lower than husbands to share their views.
How do you support your husband sexually when you don't want sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sweet confusion (Mar 23, 2011)

TURN ME ON MY LOVE!!!
and automatically he will do oral for me or do something that can make me hot then when im on that feeling of having sex he can do whatever he wants
hahaha!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

That explains why women are not sexually interested in men who are lazy to turn on women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> There's an end to chores? Seriously though, to me there's no answer to this problem. If you don't want to and you won't change and you won't accommodate then what difference does your answer or non answer matter? Are you looking for a rationale and a justification for living in denial?
> 
> I can rip a page from my own life. My wife has not consented to sex or sexual contact or basically even any physical contact of any kind including kissing in almost 20 years. She has never initiated any physical contact or intimacy of any kind, ever. Not once. She will not has not does not discuss this in any way, never has never will. To her no means no. Is she worried about hurting my feelings? Probably not. Do I care she doesn't care about my feelings? Not for years and years. I stopped asking or expecting anything a very very long time ago.
> 
> So I think if you're taking that long trip into denial, celibacy, withdrawal then just do it. Be blunt. It's less painful in the long run.


WOW.....but with all that said after 20yrs what do YOU do for sex? I mean I understand you have faced up to what she will not do for you, but how do you release sexually. Thats not fair at all.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't. I've been able to shut that aspect of my life off. I am effectively asexual.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

HelloooNurse said:


> I am asexual but I realise my husband has needs, so we have sex every couple of days to satisfy his needs. Although I find it quite gross and boring, I do it because I love him and it would be pretty slack of me to just say "no.. go wank off" whenever he gets horny. And I also know that I am his wife, therefore it is my job to have sex with him. I kinda keep the "big picture" in mind whenever I do it. I present as being eager and enthusiastic, because that is also one of his needs. I do 99% of what he wants, I don't limit him to 1 position etc. If it is extremely gross I won't do it, or if it will hurt me I don't. But luckily he isn't a very kinky person so there is not much I'll say no to.


*applause* You are a wonderful woman!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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