# What to do I love her so much



## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

So my wife grew up as a bookworm and never had any real close friends. We married young 18 for her and 20 for me and have been married for almost 15 years; I was her first person she has had sex with. Fast forward to 2009 (we are both in the military) she goes to Korea for a on year remote tour. Basically a year without me and during her break in June she says I love you but I am not in love with you. My heart is broken and I have been living this way since. She came home in November and everything went out of control at the end I am in anger management class and going to therapy to help myself. I recently found pictures of her acting as she is single in Korea and she has told me she needs space and needs to find herself. I think this new found freedom is she took way to far. The guy to girl ratio is like 3:1 so she always had guys hitting on her. I ask her if she wants a divorce and she says she is confused and deep down in my heart i want to believe it is true that I do have a chance but I think it is over anyone have any advice? I want to save my marriage!


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

seems like shes making up for what she missed as a teenager. Well theres not much you can do. Let her free for sometime and hope it'll pass and she will come back to you. Maybe she just need a bit of that freedom but than she'll miss someone who truely loves her and someone you can count on. if you're the guy she'll be back. 
Good luck.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

If you want to save your marriage, then you need to stop her affair.

"I love you but not in love with you" = "I'm infatuated with my affair man".

"I need space" = "I need opportunity to spend time with my affair man".

"I'm confused" = "I like how my affair man makes me feel sexually but I'm not convinced it will work out long term so I need to wait and see which man is more promising."


Smash her affair, only then will your marriage even have the slightest chance!

Otherwise, she will be moving on.


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## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

She is back from Korea and I can tell you the guy did not come back with her if there is one. She claims that she experienced life out there and there is so much more to see and help her grow. I told her to leave for 6 months and find herself. First it was am I suppose to bring the minium things? I told her i would move anything she wants. Then it was if I move it will be for 3 or 4 years. I replied do what you need to find yourself. Next she said she is not moving out and I would need to get a lawyer to get her out of the house. She makes more money than me and I setup everything in the house from start to finish when I came here and she went to Korea so why should I move. She is the one wanting out of the marriage. She is 32 years old and is trying to hang out at the bars. That crap will get old quick she needs to realize that we both missed out on things in life but marriage to me is forever good or bad. Now that I am stuck with a 32 year old wife wanting to be in her 20s it sucks. Maybe this is her mid-life crisis. Anyone go through this and come out on top?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Get in contact with her CO or 1st Sgt. They could have her "wake up"-unless, they're partaking of the goods themselves.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes, It took 19 years for us.


19 years of hell for both of us, Granted it was on and off, but we never took care of the problems, we just brushed them under the carpet. The resentment grow into a ugly monster. But here we are today working together. Making sure that our happiness is met with each other. 


This really isn't the best way to hadle this, so get a lawyer write up the paper work for her to leave the property. You will need to keep track of her behavior, your journal should include the day and time she left the home and the day and time she returns, this may help in showing abandonment. 

I wish I could give you some great advise on how to control your wife but there is none. So the only thing you have control over is you and how you behave and how you protect your self from STD's finacial hardship and mental and physical disstress.

Once you have controll over you then things will come together, with or with out her. She will need to hit rock bottom before she will climb out of her ugly behavior. There are tools to help this along, as you have seen on past replies. These tool are meant to make her behavior more difficult. Only then will she feel the pressure in how bad her life has turn out and maybe then she will return to her old self.

Remember never beg, cry or plead. Show her confidence in that your are strong and are will to move on with out her. We all know your not, Iv'e been there, just doen't let her see that sad and pittifull side.


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## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

Yea, I am preparing myself completely. It's funny you say don't let her see the pitiful side of me. On Sunday she said I looked moppy and to go run with her. I told her I was tired and I would run by myself later if I wanted to. She kept asking and I kept telling her that I need a nap. She went running and I took the nap I needed. Later that night she was asking for directions to Target. I gave them to her but didn't know if it was on the freeway going east or west I told her you'll come to the first freeway entrance and turn right on to it. She got pissy and said I'll figure it out myself. I told her fine and as she was leaving she looked mad and I asked her is everything ok? She replied I am pissed at myself for getting angry at you when I was asking for directins. I told her whatever it didn't bother me. Monday I called her at work and said look if you want a divorce for us both to move forward than fine I will support you decesion and will not do anything stupid. She said, "Divorce is not just black and white". What does the hell does that mean? Divorce is not just black and white? You either want to be married or not. There is no kids so I told her that when we are done I am cutting all ties even though we are best friends. Any advice from anyone. I really feels good to get this off my chest. I really want to thank you all.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

You're doing the 180. Good job so far.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wow, I don't think she is very happy with your behavior. I think she was counting on something alittle more needy. That divorce thing you throw at her caught her of guard I think. I think she was hoping the for something a little easier for her to deal with, but it sound like you got some fight left in you, that she wasn't expecting.

So when will guy sit down and hash this out? Have you talked about her behavior, boundries, or any attempt to salvage this marraige. How about the fact you are not leaving and if she wants out , she will be the one moving out? Now that she is aware of the consequences. It might be a good time to let her know you love her but it is unfair to expect you to wait around while she runs around. The only thing you will tolorate is a 100% commitment to the marriage.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

TDY-"temporarily divorce yourself"


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