# Husband of 8 yrs wants to be single



## scartissue (Nov 2, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs and have a 8 yrs old son together. We married young, I am 26 he is 27. We used to argue a lot. The last time we had an argument was in December. I thought we were doing good. I learned to let the small things go. We dont have sex as much anymore (3-4 times a week) but when we do its great. The other day, we got into a disagreement. I was not trying to start a fight. But he took it like I wanted to. 

He wants to help his mom and brother start a business and I just wanted to remind him that he needs to find a job (he was laid off) and help us, his wife and son, before helping them. I did not want his doing favors for them get in the way of him searching for a job. I just wanted to remind him. Not argue.

But him accusing me of wanting to argue upset me. Anyways, he ended up telling me he was tired of being married. He said he wants to be single and do what single people do. You can quote me on that! Of course I got upset and really hurt. I feel like hes been lying to me this whole time. I'm sorry but have I been in his way of living the single life??? Is my working, cooking and cleaning full time getting in the way?? I thought he was happily married to me. 

He said I should of known. When we used to argue, he would tell me he was tired of me and didnt want to be married. But once we made up, he would say he did want to be with me. :scratchhead:

Anyways, I am trying to be strong. I told him if he wants to be single then he can move out and live the "single life". He says I am being selfish for kicking him out because I will hurt our son. 

What do you guys think? What should I do? Any advices?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

If he wants to be single, then by all means, show him exactly what single life means, kick him out.

What does he expect to live at home with you and your son, but be single?

Tell him they have a name for what he wants..............divorce.
Now be strong and let him go, he'll find out very fast the grass isn't greener, don't let him back till he starts begging, and has a job.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I bet he has already been acting single when your back is turned.

Sounds like he want to act single while you act married and be a good mother.

By not getting a job he isn't being much of a man, husband or father.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Single men don't have wives at home taking care of the place and their needs.

Have the divorce papers written up and see if he'll sign them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Do you find how the conversation shuts down the minute he says he wants to be single? That all of a sudden he is able to deflect the conversation off of him and puts you into "repair" mode? It's a great tactic, isn't it? And it's working for him. Because the minute he brings that up (whether it is true or not) he can get you off his back. 

He's manipulating you and it's time to call him out on it. I like what Thumper said above. Next time he says that tell him that the word he is looking for is DIVORCED. 

He is putting his family first. The problem with that is that the family he priortized is his mother and brother. Not you and your son. You are getting things done so what is his incentive? You are paying the bills and washing his panties. So what motivation does he have to help provide? None. 

I think it's time to give him a little taste of the single life. Show him what setting to use to make toast, what constitutes whites vs. darks and send him on his merry way.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

This happens a lot between 7-8 years. Being no stranger to your plight I will just say I feel your pain. Do whats best for you in the long run and don't take anyone else into consideration. You will have to live with the decision you make for a long time.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

My STBX pulled the same nonsense.

By all means, show him the door. See if he comes crawling back once he has to face the big, bad real world.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

His comments are weapons he uses to hurt you because he is unable to prevail or hold his own in a logical argument with you. He can't punch you in the nose without going to jail, so he uses what he has...hurtful words. It's like a kid telling his mom, "I hate you!". If he wanted out of the marriage, his unemployed butt would be gone. He basically is acting single. Even though he has a wife and kids, he isn't financially supporting them. A woman is taking care of him, feeding him, and cleaning up after him. That'd be just about where he was at age 6 (and single). I could wish I were a whale or a unicorn but when I got a woman pregnant, I became a father and that decision dictated my behavior from then on. When I said, "I do", I became a husband and that decision dictated my actions from then on. He can wish in one hand and poop in the other and see which fills the quickest. Divorced or married, he still has the adult obligations of a man.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yep, if he wants to be single let him. File for divorce, kick him out, and don't do anything else for him. You're young and will find someone happy to have you. As you get older you'll regret the time you wasted on losers. Don't waste any more on this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ColemanBooks (Mar 20, 2013)

Lifeistooshort is one hundred percent correct. You're only 26. Your husband is not ready to be a true partner. Don't waste a great period of your life with this junk. You guys got married really young. You matured, he didn't. He'll be ready some day, but probably not until he is in his mid 30's. That's a long time to wait.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree with what everyone else has said. I'll just add one thing: everyone feels that way sometimes. It's very hurtful to hear it, but obviously he doesn't want to be single enough to get the heck out! 

You'll have to figure out if his words are just a temper tantrum or if he really wants out. If it's just a temper tantrum, you'll need to educate him that it's not ok. You might say "If you ever say that again, you will leave immediately or I'll file for divorce without giving you another chance." If he really wants to go, don't bother trying to talk to him, just make him leave.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

He sounds childish and needs to grow up.

Kick him out if he wants to be single.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

Does he plan to make some amount of money off of this business with his family?

Perhaps he is looking for a way to be more successful. He may have some major self esteem issues related to being unemployed. There is the very real possibility that what he is really looking for is the ability to put himself back together outside of criticism. He may not be able to verbalize this.

He approached you with this idea of his. He probably felt that you would respond favorably. You immediately pulled the rug out from under him. He became defensive. He then expressed his frustration in a way that wasn't saying what he actually meant.

All of the responses from the women on this board only confirm this. The not so subtle insults to the man for being unemployed such as:

"By not getting a job he isn't being much of a man, husband or father. " or

"Divorced or married, he still has the adult obligations of a man. "

His statement was stupid. How many people on here have made statements that were equally stupid? We really don't have the whole story. Everyone immediately jumps on the attack train on this forum. It's frustrating.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Maybe he wants to work with his family in the business they open? I see nothing wrong with that. I'm sure once they start, they will help him too.

As for the wanting to be single, tell him you take such words very seriously. If he means it, let him be single, with all being single means : back to his mother's house, stop doing his laundry, stop cooking for him, stop sleeping with him. Single men don't have wives. Let him see you mean business.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'd believe that more Rogergrant, if it wasn't mentioned that "I want to be single" seems to be have been a recurrent tactic to ending arguments.



> When we used to argue, he would tell me he was tired of me and didnt want to be married.


So were all of those times about having "the rug pulled from underneath him" too? I really doubt it. 



> He says I am being selfish for kicking him out because I will hurt our son.


Sounds like cake-eating to me. He wants to "live the single life" while having all the benefits of being married, including living at home with a wife and his child. He doesn't want to get divorced, he simply doesn't want to have to consider the needs or wants of his family, unless it's convenient. And when she calls his BS and says, okay then leave, then its all her fault and she's the bad guy.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> I'd believe that more Rogergrant, if it wasn't mentioned that "I want to be single" seems to be have been a recurrent tactic to ending arguments.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I smell a big ol' cake, too.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Passive-aggressive childishness. Can't find a job, can't cut the apron strings from his mother, can't have an adult discussion with his mate without threatening divorce and apparently can't find the grid coordinates or telephone number to any attorney. He not only wants to eat cake, he wants it brought to him with ice cream, fed to him, he wants to be burped afterwards, and he wants someone else to remove the dirty dishes. Sounds like an eight year old masquerading as a father and a husband.


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