# did you ever say.....did your marriage ever recover ??? .... what did you do ???



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Another thread prompted me to ask.

Did you ever tell your husband that another guy in your past was "bigger" or "better" ??

What was his reaction? If there was resulting destruction of your relationship, did you overcome it ? How ?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

No - I've never said that to any man, and, to me, it could only be said to be malicious and hurtful. 



TJW said:


> Did you ever tell your husband that another guy in your past was "bigger" or "better" ??


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If the comment was "bigger", the please refer to Why are Men so fragile?

If the comment was "better", then please provide him with guidance on how to improve.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No. There would be no good reason to ever say something as hurtful as that.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Does this topic ever end? Be happy with what you've got and learn to work with it. 

Do not ask questions that you don't want the answer to, simple as that. If the man didn't ask for that information and the woman just goes around telling everyone about Tom's 10" ****, well, she probably sucks as a human being anyway. 

My wife has been with someone bigger. She has also been with someone who "felt better" and was overall just "better" with a **** that is "pretty much the exact same size" as mine. Did she volunteer that information? No. I asked (okay, _demanded_) and she eventually answered. 

Oh, and she also cheated with both of 'em. 99% of the time I honestly do not care. I really don't think about it anymore than I do the guy before me who was smaller. So did I "overcome" it? Sure. Did I obsess over it in the beginning? Yep, a lot. Like, A LOT. But you can either choose to get over it and work on whatever the issues are, or you can choose not to and throw yourself a pity party. I guarantee you, moping around over your insecurities is far more unattractive than however small you think your **** is and it certainly won't help things get better. If someone else was "better" then figure out where you are going wrong and work on that. At least the practice is fun. The acceptance and talking to figure things out (with a MC), not so much.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I had an ex BF who constantly put me down and i got tired of it and when he pushed me too far one day I told him that he was "tiny". he threw me into the truck and he threw the Louisville Slugger in the back - I heard it thud, thud, thud as it bounced in the truck bed from his throw. 9mm on his belt. Nearest neighbors probably a half mile away. Drove me to the barn out back and took care of business. I learned my lesson that night. I thank my God every day that I survived that night.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've both had plenty of other partners, and some have been "better" in one particular way or another. _Overall_, however, no one else has ever been better for her, and overall, no one else has been better for me. We were involved in swinging, so we've both actually _seen_ each other with bigger, prettier, younger, fitter - as well as smaller, plainer, older, etc. We've both had a lot of fun and pleasure with most of these people, too - variety in itself is exciting most of the time, even if there isn't anything else all that special about the encounter. Experience proves that bigger isn't necessarily better or more satisfying, and prettier or younger isn't always sexier - and many other things along these lines. There is no reason to get hung up on such things, because we choose to be together and because we're clearly the best match for each other.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

No I've never said it....even when he deserved it. I won't open the comparison can of worms though he was trying to manipulate me by telling me about a past lover.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TJW said:


> Another thread prompted me to ask.
> 
> Did you ever tell your husband that another guy in your past was "bigger" or "better" ??
> 
> What was his reaction? If there was resulting destruction of your relationship, did you overcome it ? How ?


Mrs. Conan let slip one time that her first husband was HUGE! We were having a comfortable conversation about such things in regards to general relationships and sex. From the look on her face I gathered it was quite an ordeal to accommodate him and, from everything else I gathered, she wasn't very satisfied in bed with him.

I wasn't bothered for a moment because I am convinced I am ten times the man he is in every category.

She was married to him for two years and the last year was rather unpleasant altogether.

She had been with me around 18-20 years at the time of the conversation and I settled any issues about sexual fulfillment the first week we were together.

She has never hinted or said anyone has ever been a better lover than me and has said the opposite often.

If she had let me know someone was better, I would have figured out why and covered that base. Not for anything as simple as ego, but I really enjoy pleasing my mate.

I've never been too concerned about size because I haven't observed that women, in general, are overwhelmed sexually by big wangs.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife was “rather experienced” before we got together (fully disclosed prior to marriage). Statistically I know I’m not the biggest or the smallest, but she maintains a **** is **** when erect. And she is an expert.

It’s kind of like retro active jealousy, I don’t get it, she picked me and my **** period, take it or leave it.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

JustTheWife said:


> I had an ex BF who constantly put me down and i got tired of it and when he pushed me too far one day I told him that he was "tiny". he threw me into the truck and he threw the Louisville Slugger in the back - I heard it thud, thud, thud as it bounced in the truck bed from his throw. 9mm on his belt. Nearest neighbors probably a half mile away. Drove me to the barn out back and took care of business. I learned my lesson that night. I thank my God every day that I survived that night.


So what is the moral?

Don't talk about sexual pasts?

or...don't date and have sex with psychotic losers?

I'm sure if you date a psychopath a lot of stories are going to have psycho endings.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Guys, if you wife/GF/SO ever says that a past lover was "bigger" or "better" the best response is this......look her directly in the eyes and say "Even a 747 looks small in the Grand Canyon". That will end the discussion quickly.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

No, I think no, what is the purpose of saying something like this? 
He however has told me when things were bad in our marriage, I could get a better man than him. It was a manipulation game of course. pfft


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

JustTheWife said:


> Drove me to the barn out back and took care of business. I learned my lesson that night.


I learn more about you as time goes on. I'm so very sorry to learn these details, you had alluded to this sometime ago but I didn't understand the circumstances.

I want you to know that I pray for you and your husband. There is a part of me (the one who grew up in the "bible belt") who thinks you should tell your husband. However, as time goes on, I more fully understand your stance on it, and I become less and less sure of my own stance. 

And, interestingly enough, that same part of me knows that God can make your marriage wonderful. This is what I ask Him for, for y'all (that's such a good word). That He will send y'all joy and comfort and peace, and decades ahead of rich ministry.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I've got the art of being vague down to a science. My mama didn't raise no fool. 😁


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

I dont understand why any woman would say this.

I take that back. If my husband nagged and bugged me about his insecurities and insisted on dogging and asking me about such things, I would be tempted to "undersell" him. But hopefully I'd be the bigger person and refrain.

I would be much less attracted to him though. What kind of man hand-wrings to his wife about this?


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

TJW said:


> I learn more about you as time goes on. I'm so very sorry to learn these details, you had alluded to this sometime ago but I didn't understand the circumstances.
> 
> I want you to know that I pray for you and your husband. There is a part of me (the one who grew up in the "bible belt") who thinks you should tell your husband. However, as time goes on, I more fully understand your stance on it, and I become less and less sure of my own stance.
> 
> And, interestingly enough, that same part of me knows that God can make your marriage wonderful. This is what I ask Him for, for y'all (that's such a good word). That He will send y'all joy and comfort and peace, and decades ahead of rich ministry.


Thank you. Your very kind words and prayers are appreciated. I also appreciate your effort to better understand my situation and keep an open mind, even if we don't see it exactly the same way.

That experience taught me a lot of lessons but it does not define me. With him, physical abuse was just that one time and that ended the relationship.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TJW said:


> Another thread prompted me to ask.
> 
> Did you ever tell your husband that another guy in your past was "bigger" or "better" ??
> 
> What was his reaction? If there was resulting destruction of your relationship, did you overcome it ? How ?


I have had a few lovers who were bigger and DH knows that and has never been bothered by it. He is, hands down, no question, the best lover I have ever had and he knows that, too. 



ConanHub said:


> Mrs. Conan let slip one time that her first husband was HUGE! We were having a comfortable conversation about such things in regards to general relationships and sex. From the look on her face I gathered it was quite an ordeal to accommodate him and, from everything else I gathered, she wasn't very satisfied in bed with him.


As I said above, I have had 3 lovers who were very well endowed. 2 of the 3 were just bad. The 3rd was whole package porn star sex.

I've talked about this with rl friends over margarita's and most of them have said that huge wang's they've encountered in the wild were attached to men who weren't exactly good, either. 

The general consensus we've reached over the years is that a LOT of men with large tools think their tool is God's gift to tool boxes and all they need to do is breathe and be erect. Most, we concluded, are not good at kissing or foreplay and not very good at sex, either, because they think their size somehow compensates for laziness and/or ignorance. Spoiler: It doesn't.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> I have had a few lovers who were bigger and DH knows that and has never been bothered by it. He is, hands down, no question, the best lover I have ever had and he knows that, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So I'm left to wonder what is cause and effect here.

Who's telling these men that their extra size is everything they need to be good lovers? What feedback loop in reinforcing their poor performance? Because the single most regurgitated claim I hear about this topic is "size doesn't matter".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> I have had a few lovers who were bigger and DH knows that and has never been bothered by it. He is, hands down, no question, the best lover I have ever had and he knows that, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LoL! I wish Mrs. Conan had a better time with Mr. Big. Bad sex just sucks. I'm just not bothered if she enjoyed sex a lot with past partners. Sex should feel good when so much in this world doesn't.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cletus said:


> Who's telling these men that their extra size is everything they need to be good lovers? What feedback loop in reinforcing their poor performance?


I think it is equal to extremely attractive women who think their "looks" makes up for their poor bedroom skills.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Cletus said:


> So I'm left to wonder what is cause and effect here.
> 
> Who's telling these men that their extra size is everything they need to be good lovers? What feedback loop in reinforcing their poor performance? Because the single most regurgitated claim I hear about this topic is "size doesn't matter".


The idea of size equaling virility, potency, masculinity, and ability to pleasure a woman has been around since ancient times and will likely be around for many more years, perhaps another few thousand. 

The feedback loop is perpetuated by porn, prostitutes and other sex workers saying nice things because it's their job, and legion wives and girlfriends who don't want to criticize their man because you're never, ever, ever supposed to even hint that your man might not be a sexual demigod.

Size does matter. Sorry, it just does. It just doesn't matter in the way most men seem to think it does. Bigger and/or thicker isn't always better. In fact, sometimes the exact opposite! For women the wrong size, too large or too girthy, can cause pain. Too small or not girthy enough can cause lack of sensation. For those who can orgasm from PIV alone size matters because each individual has a size range that gives her the stimulation she needs to reach orgasm. 



ConanHub said:


> LoL! I wish Mrs. Conan had a better time with Mr. Big. Bad sex just sucks. I'm just not bothered if she enjoyed sex a lot with past partners. Sex should feel good when so much in this world doesn't.


Eh, sometimes the things we do aren't supposed to feel good so we don't do them again. Sex with the wrong person and/or under bad/risky circumstances can fall into the category of "It felt cruddy because you're not supposed to be doing it like that! Now go make better decisions."


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> The idea of size equaling virility, potency, masculinity, and ability to pleasure a woman has been around since ancient times and will likely be around for many more years, perhaps another few thousand.
> 
> The feedback loop is perpetuated by porn, prostitutes and other sex workers saying nice things because it's their job, and legion wives and girlfriends who don't want to criticize their man because you're never, ever, ever supposed to even hint that your man might not be a sexual demigod.
> 
> ...


She was married to the guy. The marriage wouldn't have worked just with improved sex but at least she could have enjoyed it more. 😉


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

TJW said:


> I learn more about you as time goes on. I'm so very sorry to learn these details, you had alluded to this sometime ago but I didn't understand the circumstances.
> 
> I want you to know that I pray for you and your husband. There is a part of me (the one who grew up in the "bible belt") who thinks you should tell your husband. However, as time goes on, I more fully understand your stance on it, and I become less and less sure of my own stance.
> 
> And, interestingly enough, that same part of me knows that God can make your marriage wonderful. This is what I ask Him for, for y'all (that's such a good word). That He will send y'all joy and comfort and peace, and decades ahead of rich ministry.


It is a shame she is telling us stuff like this and her own husband has no clue. 
I don't think you have a good situation when strangers on the internet know more about some aspects of your life than your own spouse. 
Is a deceptive marriage and for one member of the union to have no idea who their mate fully is the recipe for decades of peace and a wonderful marriage?
Who knows. She seems to think lying to get him to marry you and then keeping tons of deep, life changing and forming events a complete secret from him is the recipe for intimacy, trust and oneness. 

I guess time will tell.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> She was married to the guy. The marriage wouldn't have worked just with improved sex but at least she could have enjoyed it more. 😉


He was the wrong person and her body was letting her know. The not married anymore thing is kind of evidence of that! 😄

It's like the body and mind band together to keep the person from pair bonding through sex by letting/making the sex not good because the body knows their partner isn't the optimal biological match and the mind knows their partner isn't the best match on other levels, either.



hinterdir said:


> It is a shame she is telling us stuff like this and her own husband has no clue.


Maybe we're practice for her.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> The general consensus we've reached over the years is that a LOT of men with large tools think their tool is God's gift to tool boxes and all they need to do is breathe and be erect. Most, we concluded, are not good at kissing or foreplay and not very good at sex, either, because they think their size somehow compensates for laziness and/or ignorance. Spoiler: It doesn't.


Many, many years ago, I saw a study that postulated all college women desire a man with huge (porno huge) endowment dimensions.

The study was interesting because the person doing the study started the theory:
1) Small sample interview of college women asking how big would a man have to be to satisfy (I believe the original sample was 50 women)
2) *ALL *women in that initial sample wanted tree swinging big.
3) So the interviewer postulated all college women must want a man that was way above average length and girth.
4) The interview expanded to 1000's of women across dozens of American colleges

What was discovered (I aplolgize if numbers are off, it's been years since I read this, but I'm pretty sure I'm relatively close on the amounts):
3% undecided/didn't care about size.
2% wanted average or a bit below.
95% of all college women sampled wanted a well endowed man
However, the real interesting fact that came out - the 95% that said they wanted a well hung man, it was noted - I believe the number was 98% (something way off the expectation chart) of these women stated that while they wanted a guy with massive endowments, if he knew what he was doing, then he could be anywhere from just below average to just above average.
On further interviewing, the overwhelming answer as to why wanting the large endowment was because the size would make up for the lack of or inability to know how to please *AND *satisfy the woman. So they would need the large tool to do the work themselves.

There was a need/want/desire for quality over quantity.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

snerg said:


> On further interviewing, the overwhelming answer as to why wanting the large endowment was because the size would make up for the lack of or inability to know how to please *AND *satisfy the woman. So they would need the large tool to do the work themselves.


My wife has said (based on our swinging experiences) that - in general (there are exceptions, of course) the bigger the tool, the less skilled the owner is in providing satisfaction as they rely on size and fail to develop in other ways that most women enjoy. To a point, size (quantity) is its own quality - but one that usually doesn't stand the test of time.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> I have had a few lovers who were bigger and DH knows that and has never been bothered by it. He is, hands down, no question, the best lover I have ever had and he knows that, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


For me, a big penis CAN compensate for lack of skill. I'm not saying that the guy can be a total dud except for his size and it's going to be great sex. BUT, many women DO like large penises and therefore, all things being equal (same "skill level"), they will prefer the larger guy. So in that way, it will have compensated for it at least partially.

I've been with some very large guys who just hammered hard. Little finesse or skill in anything and didn't bother with much foreplay. Maybe you don't want that all the time but doesn't mean it can't be amazing and unforgettable. There are different styles of sex.

Conversely, a small guy can compensate for his size with good skill level. So for those who prefer larger ones, why can't a large size compensate to some degree for less skills? I don't think it's productive comparing big guys that are bad at sex with small guys who are great at sex. Like comparing big breasted women who are dumb with small breasted women who are smart. It doesn't work that way and it's a meaningless association.

Just providing a different perspective for discussion.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> My wife has said (based on our swinging experiences) that - in general (there are exceptions, of course) the bigger the tool, the less skilled the owner is in providing satisfaction as they rely on size and fail to develop in other ways that most women enjoy. To a point, size (quantity) is its own quality - but one that usually doesn't stand the test of time.


I can't argue with someone's experiences and observations but i think that it's misleading to attribute what's observed in a swingers club with "normal" relationships. Maybe the most attractive women with the biggest breasts, etc. also don't make as much effort in their performance when they are in a swingers club as guys are all over them. This wouldn't mean that attractive women are bad lovers.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I would never say these things to anyone. You can not unsay it.
But the truth is that bigger is not necessary better. It needs to be just right size. If it’s too big, the sex may get painful ( not in a good way.
Like the hand and a glove, they have to fit together.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> Is a deceptive marriage and for one member of the union to have no idea who their mate fully is the recipe for decades of peace and a wonderful marriage?


It may be a "peace and wonderful" marriage for the spouse..... but won't be for the deceiver..... the desire to protect the spouse and keeping up the facade of being satisfied with him is all going to come to a crashing and catastrophic end. Someone is going to expose the past of the deceiver..... and.....



WandaJ said:


> I would never say these things to anyone. You can not unsay it.


Exactly. It really doesn't matter whether it is said directly. The exposure will say EVERYTHING. The spouse will NEVER, but NEVER, "get over it". He will regard it as an unspoken truth, sitting on the bridge of his nose, and will become the "elephant in the room" ignored in conversation....."peace and wonderful" for him will be all over....


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think a lot of the matter would relate to HOW it is said. If it is said in the manner of insult then that might be a tough recovery. He may then feel he will never be enough to please her. On the other hand if it is part of an open discussion with a secure man then it really shouldn’t be a big deal. 

We have a couple toys that are a good size and THICK. It doesn’t phase me as I don’t feel like it’s a competition.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

TJW said:


> Another thread prompted me to ask.
> 
> Did you ever tell your husband that another guy in your past was "bigger" or "better" ??


Only a very brave woman (or complete *moron*) would do that. 😁

I've discovered (after a few very hard-learned lessons) to reveal *as little as possible* about your sexual past to a man. And to those proclaiming that only 100% honesty is the acceptable answer, I say, have at it - more power to you. But not for this girl.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> The feedback loop is perpetuated by porn...


Totally agree. First, the guys all are (often freakishly) well-endowed. Second, the women are screaming in ecstasy (albeit acting) during PIV. Third, the women are exuding a “penis worship”-vibe in how they talk and act. Also, unrealistic.

Logically, any consumer of porn (male or female) will falsely equate large package with sexual pleasure. Him giving, her receiving. On screen, you won’t see women fawning over their deep emotional connection or how they make them feel loved that’s for sure.

Since we don’t see our partners interacting with other penises or openly talking about it, we just assume, women like bigger than us based on porn. There’s no other frame of reference and guys know that most women don’t want to hurt our feelings (e.g. faking). 

I don’t think this is much different than a woman curious to see what a guy’s past girlfriends looked like if he or a friend mentions or she finds an old photo showing one or more ex’s were a model or a stripper. So he “undersells” her but she still doesn’t 100% believe she’s just as pretty. If he said, “I don’t care about looks you’re fine” I think she’d lose it. 

In either situation there really is no good outcome unless you are open and honest and point out why you value what you have now. If she previously had bigger and liked it, maybe she doesn’t now but no reason to hide it. Maybe this is a chance to introduce toys. But I agree that insecurity can be a huge turnoff. Guys want to fixed stuff and most women don’t want guys overcompensating.

Some guys are just insecure. But I think some want to find out in the hopes of securing ‘sexual reparations’. By this I mean they want the earlier sex-crazed/slutty version of their wife that a myriad of other guys got but they never got to experience.

There’s a great scene in the movie Girl Trip where one of the girls finds out how big her partner is and slices up a grapefruit for him to put his junk through to shorten it up.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Numb26 said:


> I think it is equal to extremely attractive women who think their "looks" makes up for their poor bedroom skills.


Yes! and how about all those unattractive women who think that having a "good personality" or being a "good person" can make up for being unattractive. Or overweight women who think that their being sexy can make up for it. I mean who do they think they are? (Of course i don't mean this if it's not clear). My point is:

People are entire "packages" and are a basket of strengths and weaknesses. Strengths in one area DO regularly make up for weaknesses in another. I guess we're saying that being the best in bed is the most important and overriding characteristic that even by being extremely attractive, you can't make up for being not so great in bed?

And we're so quick to say that a big penis can't make up for less skill in the bedroom but we're so quick to say that small men can make up for their size by being good in bed. this is all kind of silly. We've all seen women who look like models being in high demand as partners. I think that's the case even if they aren't the most amazing in bed. A great sense of humor in a man can make up for being less attractive. Creativity, a high level of intelligence, a very attractive face, a muscular body, great skin, being great at playing a musical instrument or singing, or being a great athlete, or having a high paying or very interesting job, or being very kind. Being a great leader. Having really nice breasts. Being sensual in bed. Being adventurous or aiming to please in bed. Having a nice... 

What strength makes up for what weakness? Who knows? Who cares? It's about the entire person.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

JustTheWife said:


> It's about the entire person.


It's about what the partner makes it about. If the wife says "you're a dud" - it's about that. If the wife says "your penis is small" or "I've had bigger", or "you don't make enough money", it's about that. No other attribute matters at all. These are things which either cannot be changed, or will change imperceptibly slowly.



aaarghdub said:


> If he said, “I don’t care about looks you’re fine” I think she’d lose it.


Exactly. She would never get over it. It would give her "mind movies" every time she came to bed. It has been already proven, beyond any doubt, that he DOES care.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I wouldn't be with a woman that wasn't into me and vice versa.

As long as I'm impressed enough to want her, which would include her interest and satisfaction with me, I don't really care if she had really amazing sex with guys with incredible wangs.

The problem has to come from a guy's insecurity, her dissatisfaction/callousness or a combination of both.

I'm not insecure at all and I wouldn't be with a woman that wasn't hungry for me so men like me aren't likely to encounter a problem in this area.

I'm also not intimidated or put off by a woman's physical biology. So what if she got out of control on a big one? It isn't like she designed her own vagina.

I know how to make Mrs. C spasm so we got it covered.😉


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