# wife started masturbating nightly



## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

My wife of 20 years has started to masturbate nightly, i think she is using a remote controlled bullet vibrator or egg, this is going on for around 4 hours every night for the past month she has never done this before and always has stated she does not like masturbation, the first few night i woke up to the sound of a vibrator moving at different speeds and heavy breathing and the bed vibrating as well, I didnt mention it, she came and went back to sleep the third night actually made me jump out of bed needing a very desperate wee from the strong vibrations.
then the next night turned into confrontation night we fell a sleep spooning and my knee pressed against the vibrator and switched it on it made me jump, wife shouted at me for waking her up and i said well if you didnt have a bullet inserted in you ready for when im fast a sleep it wouldn't happen, then she popped to the toilet came back and denied everything, telling me to examine her she was distressed so i calmed her down told her i must of been dreaming and left it.
the next day it became a little sleep joke between us and i was being convinced it was in my imagination cause she does not do that kind of thing.
well the next night when she thought i was a sleep i heard a click then the bed started vibrating which got stronger i rolled into her for cuddle to see if it would stop which it did, then 10 minutes later started again while i was cuddling her my balls were getting a very good vibration when she finished i said that felt really nice, which it did but then i get the how dare you say im doing these things she got really upset and actually hit me a little nothing bad just lashing out. So as you would with the love of your life distraught and crying take the full blame.
now that was 2 weeks ago that happened she is now using this vibrator every night for around 2 to 3 hours then some times twice a night and early hours in the morning, i cant get any sleep and getting upset with the whole thing i found if i get out of bed quickly and just nip to the toilet she will switch it off but then after 10 minutes back in bed its on again, and because im up and down all night and very frustrated she says i need to see a doctor because im imagining all this going on, she got that bold with it and im so nervous to say anything that she now does it next to me while cuddling me and im scared to say anything cause there is something defiantly not right going on with her to total denie something that is so obvious. 
Any advise what i can do next would help.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Most likely she's having an emotional affair and thinking of him. She must be pretty delusional to think you're not going to notice her vibrator to the extent she denies the obvious. It's probably time to investigate if she's communicating with or seeing another man. Has your sex life changed lately, or has she changed any other behaviors?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How is your sex life?

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## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

Sex life is good and fun. I asked her if she was having an affair around 2 weeks ago and she denied said how I could say such a thing very emotional. I want to find out what is wrong after 20 years of marriage and have such a behavioural change its concerning


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## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

I've checked her phone Facebook she leaves everything open no passwords nothing there that is suspicious5


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Did she recently start or stop any medications?

If she's doing this right next to you, she's testing you or something. Next time, start whacking off right next to her and join in.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Next time you wake up to her doing it, say nothing, move the egg out and move your hips in.

"You sounded like you needed a spot of help." With a smile.

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## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

I also want a night sleep I havnt slept more than a few hours in the past week


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

What led you to ask about an affair? Anything else besides the masturbation?

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## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

I'd love to join in but the denial is so strong. She now says she scared to go to sleep as I might start checking her or I'm waiting over her for something to happen . All I'm doing is lying awake stressed out and very frustrated.


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## utterconfusion (Mar 30, 2016)

What I have neglected to say and is very big thing is that her best mate passed suddenly about 2 months ago. So just to keep me sane I tell myself it could be greaving to me it's a strange way to grave but we're all diffrent


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

utterconfusion said:


> I'd love to join in but the denial is so strong. She now says she scared to go to sleep as I might start checking her or I'm waiting over her for something to happen . All I'm doing is lying awake stressed out and very frustrated.


You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

utterconfusion said:


> I'd love to join in but the denial is so strong. She now says she scared to go to sleep as I might start checking her or I'm waiting over her for something to happen . All I'm doing is lying awake stressed out and very frustrated.


She's fvcking with your head. Don't join her as in screw her - join her as in mutual masturbation. You don't need her OK to do THAT. And if she asks what you're doing and why tell her she's imagining the whole thing.

As for a good nights sleep, go in another room and put earplugs in for that.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

utterconfusion said:


> What I have neglected to say and is very big thing is that her best mate passed suddenly about 2 months ago. So just to keep me sane I tell myself it could be greaving to me it's a strange way to grave but we're all diffrent


It's grieving, not greaving, and grief doesn't cause spontaneous masturbation. Unless her best mate was also her fvck buddy.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Wait a minute, is this like one of those dreams where you wake up, start getting ready, only to realize that you are still sleeping and you wake up, but that even still ends up being part of your dream?

Perhaps you are not getting good circulation while you are sleeping, which is giving you a "buzzy" feelings in various parts of your body. You know like when your foot falls asleep. Then all the heavy breathing is actually coming from you as you struggle to wake up from your sleep apnea. 

Badsanta


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

utterconfusion said:


> Sex life is good and fun. I asked her if she was having an affair around 2 weeks ago and she denied said how I could say such a thing very emotional. I want to find out what is wrong after 20 years of marriage and have such a behavioural change its concerning


OK, she denied an affair or emotional affair-but she denied using a toy when you were observing her doing it! How old is she? Could this be a menopause thing if not an affair?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

You know she is using a vibrator. You confront her. She gets emotional and denies it. 

You ask if she is having an affair. She gets emotional and denies it. 

Interesting...


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> She's fvcking with your head. Don't join her as in screw her - join her as in mutual masturbation. You don't need her OK to do THAT. And if she asks what you're doing and why tell her she's imagining the whole thing.
> 
> As for a good nights sleep, go in another room and put earplugs in for that.


This makes it a power struggle.

She is likely ashamed of her behavior, which is leading to the gas lighting. 

I think the OP has an amazing opportunity to expand their sex life by reassuring her, and tapping into that sexual energy.

But does he have the intestinal fortitude (balls) to try?

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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Next time she denies it put your hands in that area, take it out and show it to her. She can't deny it then. She is using that for a long time, I have never used a vibrator but I imagine once I have come in a few minutes I would be done. Meanwhile stop loosing sleep, go into another bed to sleep.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If she's so ashamed of it then why is she doing it for hours at a time right next to him??? Doesn't add up. I think she's screwing with his head for some reason.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Hope:

If you are right, she will likely reject his advances. I see it as a decent test for both of our hypotheses.

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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Very very very strange..... not sure what to say.. other than this denying thing is







... grab the vibe, turn the dang light on.. expose... and get talking about sex.. and what's going on with her.. 

I mean really.. or grab the Vibe.. and you BE the Vibe... you said your sex life is good, no reason she should be rejecting you , is there ?

If she has masturbating hang ups , common for many, she may feel ashamed.. why in the world she would be doing this right next to you...that makes no sense.. 

She could be having a sexual surge in mid life (been there done that) but I didn't want no vibe.. I wanted HIM.. Does she orgasm with YOU? This guy friend who died.. you sure nothing was going on between them?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Go to bed early and use it on her yourself. You're missing out on an oppurtunity here.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What I would likely do is attempt what far is suggesting and just join in. She'd probably be all like "what are you doing?" And I'd probably jokingly say "nothing, which is exactly the same as what you're doing, right?"

Maybe buy one of those fleshlight things or something.

Because likely all this is just her being self conscious about it. Maybe she's going through something hormonal or something causing the super high drive and she doesn't know how to deal with it and is scared or ashamed. Or maybe she's having the time of her life, who knows.

But the fact is, she's doing it next to you. She's not going into another room and locking the door. So you're de facto part of the equation.

And if that didn't work, what I'd do is shut my mouth for a couple of days, take her out to a nice dinner, give her some wine...

And then just say "listen babe, I know you're getting off every night with your vibe and that's cool. In fact, it turns me on. I have no issue with it, go for it. I'd love to even join in if you're not opposed to that. But what is bothering me is that you seem to not want to talk about it with me. You can, you know? And I want you to know that if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to do that either."

Because...

As long as your sex life is good and it's not ****ing up your marriage, her getting off by herself really is none of your business unless she makes it your business. 

But my guess is she wants to make it your business but is afraid to do so.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Let me ask you something OP...

Does it offend you or bother you that she might be masturbating? Forget the notion that she might be having an affair, but is her sexuality something that you and her avoid talking about? I would love to have a woman feel safe enough around me to masturbate. It would be a huge turn on. I would love to help any time I could.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

marduk said:


> What I would likely do is attempt what far is suggesting and just join in. She'd probably be all like "what are you doing?" And I'd probably jokingly say "nothing, which is exactly the same as what you're doing, right?"
> 
> Maybe buy one of those fleshlight things or something.
> 
> ...



This.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Only on TAM cam masturbation translate to an affair. 

Or throw out the affair charge anytime porn sex on demand isn't provided and it's bound to be true from time to time. 

Welcome to TAM. 

Here's a novel idea: have you asked her what's going on during another time of day when you're both calm and not in bed? You're her hb, you should be able to ask her in a non accusatory way what's going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Let me ask you something OP...
> 
> Does it offend you or bother you that she might be masturbating? Forget the notion that she might be having an affair, but is her sexuality something that you and her avoid talking about? I would love to have a woman feel safe enough around me to masturbate. It would be a huge turn on. I would love to help any time I could.


There are few things better in life than watching a hot turned on woman getting herself off.

Well, maybe two women, but that's a different topic.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

There's nothing to be ashamed of with masturbating. For some reason, she feels a deep shame over it (as she denies doing it, has denied ever doing, and is trying to hide it, etc) and maybe that's what you both need to work on.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ONE of you is delusional, that much is clear. Just not sure which one.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, you can have some fun with this, even if you can't get answers. Find the device when she's not home, and run down the batteries. Find a bunch of other run-down batteries of the same type (or run them down), and put them where you normally keep good batteries (which you hide). Leave the dead batteries in the device. When she changes them, she'll just get more dead batteries. If she replaces the device, it will still not work - dead batteries. When she buys batteries, swap out the good ones for run-down ones. Keep this going as long as you can, or until you either get answers or she turns to you for satisfaction.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Tell her you need to watch. Be bold here. Could be opening a new beginning. :grin2:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Buy a Hitachi Wand. Keep it hidden, and when she starts up again pull this thing out of hiding and smile at her and say "My turn....".


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Does she take Ambien or other sleeping pills?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> If she's so ashamed of it then why is she doing it for hours at a time right next to him??? Doesn't add up. I think she's screwing with his head for some reason.


Must be using lithium batteries too. Much longer lasting. :wink2:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Personally I would ask your W if she had extra batteries around. If she pulls them from the nightstand then you know whats up.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Could be she is getting a major sex drive boost going through Menopause. It happens.

She is also somewhat shy and has never done this before, so she's trying to cover it up but doing a bad job in the process.


I have a suggestion. Buy yourself a hollow male strap on that vibrates. Wear it one night and totally surprise her. You'd be long and big and you vibrate. Probably blow her mind away!!!

https://www.simplipleasure.com/coll...h-silicone-hollow-strap-on-vibe-in-red-pipedr


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## Bitteratwomen (Jun 21, 2014)

Start masterbating when you hear her doing it, look her dead in the eyes and say to her, lets see who can finish first.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

OP, you kind of shot yourself in the foot when you accused her of cheating. This means you don't trust her and if you don't trust her why should she trust you? Never trust people who are suspicious.

Grief can cause all sorts of coping strategies to surface, so yes it could be grief. It could also be a thyroid problem. But if she won't talk to her husband about masturbating, right next to him, she's not likely going to make an appointment. Google hyper and hypo thyroidism. Check to see if she has any of the classic symptoms of a thyroid problem. If she has other symptoms it will be easier to get her to a doctor.

Hide her vibrator. 
Tape a note to it asking her to let you watch. 
Join in with her while you also pretend you're not really masturbating.
Each time you hear the buzzing, mention it. "I can hear you you know."


Seems to me that if she is silly enough to think she can bull **** you so blatantly about masturbating, she might also be the kind of person who uses denial to cope with everything, including grief.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

She obviously wants you to catch her. And don't act like a scared kitten when you do.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Something doesn't add up. Hiding masturbation - sure. Masturbating in bed and thinking you won't notice - could happen. Using a vibrator in bed and thinking you won't notice - ?????

Any alcohol or drugs involved for either of you? Any history of compulsive behavior?

Meanwhile if you need to sleep move to the spare bedroom or sofa. Let her know that she is welcome to join you any time, but that her moving in the middle of the night is keeping you from sleeping?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Where is her phone when she does this? Have you checked to be sure?

Is she wide awake?


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

As some one that works in health care I worry it could be something neurological. If she were embarrassed that explains hiding it. But the tantrums and expecting you to believe her blatant lies. Also, restarting the vibrator 10 mins later. Also using vibrator hours is abnormal. I think she needs to see a neurologist


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> think she needs to see a neurologist




I think she needs to be tied to the bed and tortured with her toy. But that's just me.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Im guessing this is a troll. I hope im wrong.

Next time she does it just grab the damn thing and tell her why is this in the bed. Better yet just make the vibrator disappear one day.

If this story is legit the fact that she is not coming to you for sex should have you very concerned.

1) Either you are not up to the task and she is taking care of herself
2) She might be seeing someone
3) She is communicating with someone electronically then getting off.

What do you plan to do about this behavour?


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> You know she is using a vibrator. You confront her. She gets emotional and denies it.
> 
> You ask if she is having an affair. She gets emotional and denies it.
> 
> Interesting...


Elementary, Watson...


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> How is your sex life?


Apparently her's is great! :grin2:


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Next time you wake up to her doing it, say nothing, move the egg out and move your hips in.
> 
> "You sounded like you needed a spot of help." With a smile.


/This




utterconfusion said:


> I'd love to join in but the denial is so strong. She now says she scared to go to sleep as I might start checking her or I'm waiting over her for something to happen . All I'm doing is lying awake stressed out and very frustrated.


And none of This. Knock it off, stop being a 'beta'. She's your Wife. Sit her a££ down and talk to her. Take charge. Find out why she's 'whacking off' every night. Get her to open up to you, and LISTEN to what she says. 

And let her know that whacking off, right next to her lover, without involving him, every night. And then denying it, LYING to you, is downright disrespectful.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

OK, so she is flogging molly every night with the electronics and she wants to deny it as you pluck it out of her veejayjay?

Utter nonsense!

This is either trolling or there is more abuzz here than stated.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

if you, while she is vibrating herself, started to play with her nipples, would she enjoy that? Or push your hands away? I think the answer to that might be telling about her motive.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

First off, sleep is important. Consider getting a king size and/or memory foam bed. The memory foam does a great job of isolating movement. 

Also, I agree that this is an opportunity. Maybe next time you have sex, use the vibrator with her as a warm up, sounds like she'd love that and may allow her to become more comfortable with masturbating with you. Or get something better like a womanizer or fiera (although this could be risky if she likes it better than sex with you). Or get a matching remote for the vibe she has and turn it on in the night . Or you could get all romantic in the middle of the night, then turn it on. 

You have lots of interesting options here...


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