# Cheap people



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Have you ever dated or married someone who was so cheap it almost ruined the relationship or really affected it negatively?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I had the opposite problem. STBXW had absolutely no concept of saving or living within our means. LOL


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> I had the opposite problem. STBXW had absolutely no concept of saving or living within our means. LOL




Would it of been better if you guys had separate accounts?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Have you ever dated or married someone who was so cheap it almost ruined the relationship or really affected it negatively?


I have gone on a first date with frugal people but there never has been a second. I think frugality for the sake of frugality is a fundamental core value. You're either compatible in this area or not. 

I could not seriously date or marry someone who is frugal for the sake of frugality. Frugal as a result of necessity is another story. Sometimes you got to tighten the belt to get out of debt.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Numb26 said:
> 
> 
> > I had the opposite problem. STBXW had absolutely no concept of saving or living within our means. LOL
> ...


That's what I ended up doing. Was still hard until we had her pay DDed into my account and safe. LOL


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

My exH was the worst kind of cheap...only cheap about the stuff other people in the family wanted or needed but very very generous when it was something he wanted. He loves to travel and he has a favorite destination that he visits over and over. If I asked to go there, even if we had no money for it he'd be fine. But I buy my kid new shoes because hers are in shreds and he would get upset. Grrr.

We made a budget once and we allotted a certain amount of spending money for each of us. A few weeks later I bought some new clothes for my daughter who had outgrown almost everything she owned. He actually said "you know that comes out of your spending money, right?" As if.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

notmyjamie said:


> My exH was the worst kind of cheap...only cheap about the stuff other people in the family wanted or needed but very very generous when it was something he wanted. He loves to travel and he has a favorite destination that he visits over and over. If I asked to go there, even if we had no money for it he'd be fine. But I buy my kid new shoes because hers are in shreds and he would get upset. Grrr.
> 
> We made a budget once and we allotted a certain amount of spending money for each of us. A few weeks later I bought some new clothes for my daughter who had outgrown almost everything she owned. He actually said "you know that comes out of your spending money, right?" As if.



Ooh that would piss me off. There's a great meme that describes me best. It says "Mess with me? I'll let Karma do its job. Mess with my kid? I become Karma".


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> My exH was the worst kind of cheap...only cheap about the stuff other people in the family wanted or needed but very very generous when it was something he wanted. He loves to travel and he has a favorite destination that he visits over and over. If I asked to go there, even if we had no money for it he'd be fine. But I buy my kid new shoes because hers are in shreds and he would get upset. Grrr.
> 
> We made a budget once and we allotted a certain amount of spending money for each of us. A few weeks later I bought some new clothes for my daughter who had outgrown almost everything she owned. He actually said "you know that comes out of your spending money, right?" As if.


Thats friggin cheap


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Lila said:


> Ooh that would piss me off. There's a great meme that describes me best. It says "Mess with me? I'll let Karma do its job. Mess with my kid? I become Karma".


I love it. I'm definitely a mama bear when someone tries to screw with my kids as a few people have learned over the years, including my exH. 

I did eventually get him to see the ridiculousness of his behavior. He is the type to give you his knee jerk reaction to things, ie. the panic of spending money. He once freaked out over a large car repair bill and said we needed to just buy a new car. This was a bill that was large, yes, but we had the cash available and it was for routine maintenance. The excise tax alone on a new car would have been bigger than this bill. I gave him a couple hours, went over everything and he calmed down. 7 years later I traded that car in and got more than that repair cost even though the car was 14 years old. That car kicked butt, the only money I ever spent on it was for routine maintenance. And for 9 years we had no car payment on it. I would have been a fool to replace her when he wanted me to get a new one to avoid a car repair bill.

He also admitted later that perhaps a clothing item should be added to our budget. He's just super cheap...unless it's crap he wants and then he spent with abandon. That's the part that pissed me off. I can deal with having to give someone time to get used to having to spend the money but to be that way about everything except for the stupid stuff you want is annoying.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I definitely believe in frugality! I just choose to not overtly advertise the fact!*


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> I love it. I'm definitely a mama bear when someone tries to screw with my kids as a few people have learned over the years, including my exH.
> 
> I did eventually get him to see the ridiculousness of his behavior. He is the type to give you his knee jerk reaction to things, ie. the panic of spending money. He once freaked out over a large car repair bill and said we needed to just buy a new car. This was a bill that was large, yes, but we had the cash available and it was for routine maintenance. The excise tax alone on a new car would have been bigger than this bill. I gave him a couple hours, went over everything and he calmed down. 7 years later I traded that car in and got more than that repair cost even though the car was 14 years old. That car kicked butt, the only money I ever spent on it was for routine maintenance. And for 9 years we had no car payment on it. I would have been a fool to replace her when he wanted me to get a new one to avoid a car repair bill.
> 
> He also admitted later that perhaps a clothing item should be added to our budget. He's just super cheap...unless it's crap he wants and then he spent with abandon. That's the part that pissed me off. I can deal with having to give someone time to get used to having to spend the money but to be that way about everything except for the stupid stuff you want is annoying.


No.1 What sort of "routine maintenance" on a car is that large? 

No.2 Your ExH sounds selfish as hell. Not just cheap. Selfish. I've seen this before in some guys. Can spend all the money they want on sh!t they want. But others? Buckle down budget time. It's selfishness that that they can hide behind being frugal for the family.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> No.1 What sort of "routine maintenance" on a car is that large?
> 
> 
> It was $900 and it just needed everything all at once...all new brakes, new tires, etc, etc. Probably due to not wanting to spend the money he hadn't done much on the car in a long time.
> ...


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

The thing I find annoying about frugal people is that they spend $$ where THEY want to spend it and it’s usually for them only. 
Men and women don’t often see eye to eye with the things they want to buy but it’s important to respect it to a certain degree.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

No, not really. In all dating, in temp bf/gf relationships, I've always taken the lead in funding whatever we were doing so monies never impacted whatever I wanted to do.

Now, did I do things that weren't my first choice sometimes? You bet compromise can happen in all relationships. 

But I never ever let "who was paying for stuff" be a stick to beat my partner or date with if I didn't want to do something she wanted to do. 

I've been blessed with ability to work and make money and but never used that as a cudgel when dating or in marriage. 

Everyone contributes equally important stuff in any relationship even if different "stuff".


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

My wife and I are both very frugal. My wife is the more frugal of the two of us. But we discuss expenditures regularly, so it has not lead to any issues in our marriage. 



Girl_power said:


> The thing I find annoying about frugal people is that they spend $$ where THEY want to spend it and it’s usually for them only.
> ....


I might have a lot of issues, but I don't think this is one of them. 
My big expenses tend to be on my wife or for the family. I spend years saving up for the things I want, even then I spend much less on 'my things'.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Can't really tell by reading so far if this is just women asserting entitlement to the money of their men.

Frugality as I understand it simply means not spending a lot. That can mean being cautious w/ what one buys for himself, as well as being un-generous to the people he knows. I think they're very different. If I pack my own lunch instead of eating out but buy nice presents for people, I am one flavor of frugal but I don't see who should object.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Can't really tell by reading so far if this is just women asserting entitlement to the money of their men.
> 
> Frugality as I understand it simply means not spending a lot. That can mean being cautious w/ what one buys for himself, as well as being un-generous to the people he knows. I think they're very different. If I pack my own lunch instead of eating out but buy nice presents for people, I am one flavor of frugal but I don't see who should object.




I get what your saying. 

My last relationship... my ex never wanted to do anything like a vacation, or a mini get away or whatever. I work hard for my money, and I like to use my vacation time and enjoy my life. I had to go in many vacations by myself because my ex didn’t want to spend the money. 

I have to go to a conference for work every year and they give me $2500 for it. Last year it was to Miami. I told my bf that he can come and enjoy a free vacation.... hotel on the beach, plus I got out of conference at noon everyday. He was offended that I called it free because he still had to pay for the flight which was like $500 and he didn’t go. 

For the year that we dated... he didn’t take one week off. And it’s not because he doesn’t have the vacation time. 

It affected our relationship and was part of the reason I broke up with him.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Can't really tell by reading so far if this is just women asserting entitlement to the money of their men.
> 
> Frugality as I understand it simply means not spending a lot. That can mean being cautious w/ what one buys for himself, as well as being un-generous to the people he knows. I think they're very different. If I pack my own lunch instead of eating out but buy nice presents for people, I am one flavor of frugal but I don't see who should object.




Everyone is cheap with things. But when your cheapness affects your relationship that’s another level imo.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> I get what your saying.
> 
> My last relationship... my ex never wanted to do anything like a vacation, or a mini get away or whatever. I work hard for my money, and I like to use my vacation time and enjoy my life. I had to go in many vacations by myself because my ex didn’t want to spend the money.


Yes, that is a serious difference that affects a relationship. If I were in that situation I would explain how it was taking away from the relationship and ask for some compromise, which you probably did too.


> I have to go to a conference for work every year and they give me $2500 for it. Last year it was to Miami. I told my bf that he can come and enjoy a free vacation.... hotel on the beach, plus I got out of conference at noon everyday. He was offended that I called it free because he still had to pay for the flight which was like $500 and he didn’t go.


It is one thing to say "No, thanks" and quite another to be offended.


> For the year that we dated... he didn’t take one week off. And it’s not because he doesn’t have the vacation time.
> 
> It affected our relationship and was part of the reason I broke up with him.


Thanks for explaining and for not taking it as a personal accusation.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I get what your saying.
> 
> My last relationship... my ex never wanted to do anything like a vacation, or a mini get away or whatever. I work hard for my money, and I like to use my vacation time and enjoy my life. I had to go in many vacations by myself because my ex didn’t want to spend the money.
> 
> ...


Was his behavior because he was to cheap to spend money? It seems to me that someone who wants to work all the time and not use their paid vacation has other motivation than trying to pinch pennies. I mean, he could have used his vacation time and just sat at home if money was the biggest motivation.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

leftfield said:


> Was his behavior because he was to cheap to spend money? It seems to me that someone who wants to work all the time and not use their paid vacation has other motivation than trying to pinch pennies. I mean, he could have used his vacation time and just sat at home if money was the biggest motivation.




It was a new position and I think he just felt bad taking vacation. Honestly I’m not really sure. But I had similar problems with my ex husband. And I find that work-a-holics will make any excuse why they HAVE to work so much. All I know is that I can only control me. And I told them why it’s important to me, and what I need. And their behavior didn’t change after lots of explanations and warnings and telling them I feel disconnected and blah blah.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Yes, that is a serious difference that affects a relationship. If I were in that situation I would explain how it was taking away from the relationship and ask for some compromise, which you probably did too.
> It is one thing to say "No, thanks" and quite another to be offended.
> 
> 
> Thanks for explaining and for not taking it as a personal accusation.




He got offended after I got mad and upset with him and told him he’s the only person I know who wouldn’t take a free vacation with their girlfriend.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

On a first date with a woman in NY I brought her to a fairly expensive restaurant. The tab was just over two hundred bucks. 
She asked me if I wanted her to pay her share but I said of course not. She said she was uncomfortable with me paying for everything so I told her she could leave a tip. 
She did. 
Five dollars. 
That was actually two dates, the first and the last.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Staying out debt is my priority, so whatever that takes, that's what I'll do.

I've had seasons of spending very little, and seasons of spending/loosing a lot.

I like nice things, but as a minimalist, my wants are fairly limited.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> On a first date with a woman in NY I brought her to a fairly expensive restaurant. The tab was just over two hundred bucks.
> She asked me if I wanted her to pay her share but I said of course not. She said she was uncomfortable with me paying for everything so I told her she could leave a tip.
> She did.
> Five dollars.
> That was actually two dates, the first and the last.




Hahahaha what!! Why?? Did you ask her?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't equate frugal with cheap. To me, being frugal is using your resources wisely. One can buy a cheap pair of shoes for $30 that will last for x months or one can buy a $100 pair of shoes that will last a lot longer. Time also has a value when shopping for things.

Of course, if a person has a shoe addiction, they may very well opt for those cheap shoes so they can buy 3 times as many. To each their own.

I think what we may be talking about here is generosity. A generous spirit in regards to other people or a selfish spirit. Generosity or the lack thereof will bleed into every facet of a relationship. Be it time, money, affection etc.

Also, some people may be incredibly cheap in certain areas and very generous in others. This circles back to the selfishness of the giver. They're getting something out of those instances of generosity. I'd be wary if someone who is typically a skinflint, suddenly starts being generous.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Hahahaha what!! Why?? Did you ask her?


I bet Andy sweetened the tip. Because that's the kind of guy he is. He wouldn't stand for the server being stiffed.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I bet Andy sweetened the tip. Because that's the kind of guy he is. He wouldn't stand for the server being stiffed.




I wonder if she gave $5 because she was cheap, a jerk, or has no idea how to properly tip.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Hahahaha what!! Why?? Did you ask her?


I didn’t say anything but I took a fifty out of my wallet and handed it to the server. I was turning around to leave and my date asked me was I not going to wait for my change. I just kept walking. 
When we got outside I asked her had she any idea how much the serving staff were paid. She had the attitude that it wasn’t her job to pay someone who couldn’t get a better job. And by leaving five dollars she said the server made an extra five dollars for the time we were in the restaurant. 
This woman was not used to any man disagreeing with her and all I got was picture and no sound on the way back to her house. 
She didn’t invite me in either :crying:


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

SpinyNorman said:


> Can't really tell by reading so far if this is just women asserting entitlement to the money of their men.
> 
> 
> In my case, no. I made more money than my exH. He was spending my money. I wanted to spend it on the needs of the family and he wanted to spend it on trips we couldn't afford.
> ...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’ve always been a very generous person with my time and with my money. No way I would tolerate being with someone who’s cheap with either.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Who are these frugal debt hating people and where can I find one?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> In my case, no. I made more money than my exH. He was spending my money. I wanted to spend it on the needs of the family and he wanted to spend it on trips we couldn't afford.


Thanks for explaining. I'd agree this isn't entitlement.


> Depends on what you're talking about. Saying you can't buy your kid much needed sneakers while you're spending $200/wk on alcohol and trivia contests is something I object to for sure.


Me too.


> So I'd say you need to add the caveat..."once all the needs of the family have been met" to your statement.


I don't think so, since I specified the frugality was on stuff I bought myself. Stuff I buy my family falls outside my statement.


> Once you add that, I agree with you...I try hard to limit my grocery shopping budget so that I can move that money over to my fun budget. I'll buy store brand milk for example instead of Hood. Keeping my food budget down means I have more money for other fun stuff...lunch out with my daughter today for example.


Yes, for those of us w/ limited means it all comes down to priorities. Once we get past meeting the needs of our dependents, it's pretty subjective what is cheap and what is thrifty, so I am cautious about judging.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

DownButNotOut said:


> Who are these frugal debt hating people and where can I find one?


Have you tried cruising Goodwill?

But seriously, I still go there not just to save myself money but b/c it helps people who need it.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

If it means avoiding debt, then cheap I am! My wife can thank me later.


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## justlistening (Jan 23, 2020)

SpinyNorman said:


> Can't really tell by reading so far if this is just women asserting entitlement to the money of their men.
> 
> Frugality as I understand it simply means not spending a lot. That can mean being cautious w/ what one buys for himself, as well as being un-generous to the people he knows. I think they're very different. If I pack my own lunch instead of eating out but buy nice presents for people, I am one flavor of frugal but I don't see who should object.


I tend to agree. If we are in the early stages of dating, then the spending he does SHOULD mainly be about him...not me. It isn't a man's job to spend on me. No....it really isn't.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Considering that many people have little or no savings and need to scramble around to find a way to pay for a sudden expense, more people should be cheap and frugal. And even if there is day-to-day savings, often people end up at retirement age with little or nothing saved up. For those people, any money they don't spend is a good thing.

The times when being cheap is a problem is when being cheap is wasteful. If someone does something like spends all day driving around to every Goodwill in town to find a cheap DVD player, they are wasting a lot of time and energy. If someone buys tools at the Dollar Store, the tools are crappy and they're going to not work well. But doing something like driving an old car isn't necessarily being cheap in that way. If all someone needs is transportation, driving a 10+ year old car is just as good as a new luxury car.

But I can totally see how this would break up relationships. If someone is more about living in the moment and worrying about tomorrow when it comes, they could be very unhappy with a penny-pinching saver who has early retirement as a goal.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Lila said:


> I have gone on a first date with frugal people but there never has been a second. I think frugality for the sake of frugality is a fundamental core value. You're either compatible in this area or not.
> 
> I could not seriously date or marry someone who is frugal for the sake of frugality. Frugal as a result of necessity is another story. Sometimes you got to tighten the belt to get out of debt.


In the USA, my preferred first date was taking their dog for a walk. Coffee was second!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Mr The Other said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > I have gone on a first date with frugal people but there never has been a second. I think frugality for the sake of frugality is a fundamental core value. You're either compatible in this area or not.
> ...


What about outside the US?


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> Thats friggin cheap


No, that's selfish. There's a difference 

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> In the USA, my preferred first date was taking their dog for a walk. Coffee was second!


I wouldn't have made it to the first date.....I don't have a dog :laugh:


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I wouldn't consider myself cheap, frugal maybe, but not cheap. So people might disagree but to them I say....Student loans paid off, vehicles owned, no credit card debt. To me it's more important to not be under a mountain of liabilities then to have the "hottest" new phone.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> If it means avoiding debt, then cheap I am! My wife can thank me later.


I’m with you there. I guess it’s all about how people want to live. I’d much rather be frugal/cheap and debt free that to be surrounded by lavish stuff and having to bust my butt every second to keep it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> I wouldn't consider myself cheap, frugal maybe, but not cheap. So people might disagree but to them I say....Student loans paid off, vehicles owned, no credit card debt. To me it's more important to not be under a mountain of liabilities then to have the "hottest" new phone.


Because of my position at work, I get free phones. Like tons of them. I would estimate my family has scored something like $8,000 worth of free phones and devices in the past few years from me. My grandkids both have $600 phones. But like I said, they are free to me (and free to our company) because our account with our service provider is so huge they literally throw free phones and devices at us. All of the ones I've scored for my family are apple products but I can get android products too (just don't want them, lol). We do not get free devices of whatever the very most current model is. So for instance we don't get free iphone 11's. But we do get any previous model for free. So whatever cost $1,000 last year, we get them next year for free. Even iphone 7's and 8's still sell for anywhere between $250 and $600 depending on the memory. Again, for me, FREE!

So my family may be broke and frugal but we all have rad phones.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Numb26 said:
> 
> 
> > I wouldn't consider myself cheap, frugal maybe, but not cheap. So people might disagree but to them I say....Student loans paid off, vehicles owned, no credit card debt. To me it's more important to not be under a mountain of liabilities then to have the "hottest" new phone.
> ...


That is a great deal! Every little bit helps


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> That is a great deal! Every little bit helps


Yeah if we didn't have this benefit, I would have the cheapest ass used phone I could find. :laugh:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I am frugal but not cheap. There is a difference. I have to be--I don't make a ton of money. Neither does my husband. He likes to joke that if we ever became insanely rich, I'd still love a bargain. He is not wrong. While it's a necessity, I get a huge thrill out of finding a bargain. It's a visceral reaction. It's a sport to me. If there were a game show about this, I'd totally win. 

You could pull any handbag or pair of shoes or a coat out of my closet and I could tell you where I found it and how much I paid. It's weird, I'll admit, but harmless because I live within my budget. 

If you want to see cheap, check out Extreme Cheapskates on TLC. That will make your toes curl. Those fools are C.H.E.A.P.

I couldn't be with a cheap man. Frugal, yes. Cheap, no. Money, while nice, doesn't impress me much. I'm much more impressed with a man who can budget and live within his means and take care of business.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

southbound said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > If it means avoiding debt, then cheap I am! My wife can thank me later.
> ...


Things corrupt the soul.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Spouse is cheap.. although he does tip the servers good. BUT we usually have a coupon for dinner or he'll do take-out to avoid tipping. Not sure if it's cheap or being frugal. We had carry-out last night and it was a bogo and he was so excited on what he saved for a family of 4. We all have what we need and yes I splurge on some things which he has no clue. I try new restaurants with friends which helps. He does not buy anything for himself until he absolute needs it. He is always worried about money but we have money in the bank, retirement fund and no debt. 

It does get irritating at times. If we plan a vacation, it has to be the absolute best price and there were a couple times I cried cuz it was just so awful! He also likes to turn the lights off to save money. Just now he turned off the kitchen lite (I'm in the family room with a lamp on) but still like lights on. Some say they have no idea how I can live like this but we have been married so long now and I have what I need so it's ok.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Luminous said:


> No, that's selfish. There's a difference
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


Saying that is like which came first the egg or the chicken. When you justify that against your children it's both if one wants to get technical. You don't know his reasoning for saying and doing this. So saying it's selfish instead if cheap is indifferent.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> On a first date with a woman in NY I brought her to a fairly expensive restaurant. The tab was just over two hundred bucks.
> She asked me if I wanted her to pay her share but I said of course not. She said she was uncomfortable with me paying for everything so I told her she could leave a tip.
> She did.
> Five dollars.
> That was actually two dates, the first and the last.


I agree that $5 is way too low for a $200 tab, but what if she couldn't have afforded the $40 either.

Would you have felt better if she allowed you to pay for everything?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I have some frugal friends. I like going out with them because it means I won't spend a lot of money that day. 

I have also dealt with people who have more money than I do. They want to do what they normally do and then expect everything to be 50/50. Around them, I need to be careful. 

If someone has cheap habits, I think that's fine as long as it doesn't impinge on me.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> I agree that $5 is way too low for a $200 tab, but what if she couldn't have afforded the $40 either.
> 
> Would you have felt better if she allowed you to pay for everything?


This woman could have easily afforded the tip. She was taking over a million a year at that stage.
I always paid for a first date, especially if it was me who did the asking.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Girl_power said:


> SpinyNorman said:
> 
> 
> > My last relationship... my ex never wanted to do anything like a vacation, or a mini get away or whatever. I work hard for my money, and I like to use my vacation time and enjoy my life. I had to go in many vacations by myself because my ex didn’t want to spend the money. .
> ...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> This woman could have easily afforded the tip. *She was taking over a million a year at that stage.*
> I always paid for a first date, especially if it was me who did the asking.


Good grief! That kind of stinginess toward other people will come back to bite her in the butt one day. I sincerely hope.

Let me guess - model?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

southbound said:


> Girl_power said:
> 
> 
> > I think we all feel that we work hard for our money, but I guess some of us view spending differently beyond that. I work hard for my money, so I don’t want to spend it in something that doesn’t satisfy me; I just feel like I’ve flushed it down the toilet.
> ...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Good grief! That kind of stinginess toward other people will come back to bite her in the butt one day. I sincerely hope.
> 
> Let me guess - model?


Yep.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> I love it. I'm definitely a mama bear when someone tries to screw with my kids as a few people have learned over the years, including my exH.
> 
> I did eventually get him to see the ridiculousness of his behavior. He is the type to give you his knee jerk reaction to things, ie. the panic of spending money. He once freaked out over a large car repair bill and said we needed to just buy a new car. This was a bill that was large, yes, but we had the cash available and it was for routine maintenance. The excise tax alone on a new car would have been bigger than this bill. I gave him a couple hours, went over everything and he calmed down. 7 years later I traded that car in and got more than that repair cost even though the car was 14 years old. That car kicked butt, the only money I ever spent on it was for routine maintenance. And for 9 years we had no car payment on it. I would have been a fool to replace her when he wanted me to get a new one to avoid a car repair bill.
> 
> He also admitted later that perhaps a clothing item should be added to our budget. He's just super cheap...unless it's crap he wants and then he spent with abandon. That's the part that pissed me off. I can deal with having to give someone time to get used to having to spend the money but to be that way about everything except for the stupid stuff you want is annoying.


 Sounds like your husband needs to learn to turn his own wrenches.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Sounds like your husband needs to learn to turn his own wrenches.


LOL...EX-husband and I have a better chance of waking up a billionaire than of him learning car repair stuff.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> My exH was the worst kind of cheap...only cheap about the stuff other people in the family wanted or needed but very very generous when it was something he wanted. He loves to travel and he has a favorite destination that he visits over and over. If I asked to go there, even if we had no money for it he'd be fine. But I buy my kid new shoes because hers are in shreds and he would get upset. Grrr.
> 
> We made a budget once and we allotted a certain amount of spending money for each of us. A few weeks later I bought some new clothes for my daughter who had outgrown almost everything she owned. He actually said "you know that comes out of your spending money, right?" As if.


Just for clarity, is this *your* daughter from a previous relationship, or were you both her parents? It could make a difference, especially if he considers her to be spoiled or views your spending on her as excessive.

I don't expect my ex's new husband to spend a dime on my daughter.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

There is a difference between cheap and frugal.

To me, an example of frugal is planning interesting dates around a low expense activity (like ice cream).

Cheap is complaining about the cost of the ice cream and not tipping appropriately.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

OnTheRocks said:


> Just for clarity, is this *your* daughter from a previous relationship, or were you both her parents? It could make a difference, especially if he considers her to be spoiled or views your spending on her as excessive.
> 
> I don't expect my ex's new husband to spend a dime on my daughter.


She is our daughter together. He is just as responsible to feed and clothe her as I am. 

Good question though. A friend of mine has difficulties with her husband over money spent on her daughter from a previous marriage. She makes about 4 times what he does and yet he still gets pissed when she spends money on his step daughter. No bueno!!!


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> A friend of mine has difficulties with her husband over money spent on her daughter from a previous marriage. She makes about 4 times what he does and yet he still gets pissed when she spends money on his step daughter. No bueno!!!


That is male cow excrement if I've ever heard it. Would be met with laughter.


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