# How to pick the correct route?



## Wowqueen (May 20, 2017)

Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything. But here I am again at a crossroad. Last I posted was in Nov. About the new guy or soon to be ex. Well, it's April and I'm still dealing with my ex. He keeps insisting I work things out with him and every day he says or does something to add to my pros list. (Yes he keeps a list or tally of all the "good" stuff he does). I recently found out he had Tinder while we first separated and again just 4 months ago. He says he did it just to laugh at the people on that app. I don't believe him at all. Now that I'm happy and have done something for me, like go back to school, working out, traveling, he seems to not like I'm doing well without him. As far as the new guy, he is awesome! We go to breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever works for the day, we talk about everything and anything. He is a little reserved as far as being completely open since he feels a little out of the game cause all the crap with my ex. But he treats me well. I've met part of his family and we are planning a shirt trip together. 
I guess my question is, how do you know if you give your ex one more chance will be the right thing or letting him go and explore new opportunities? 
Thanks everyone! 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

> He says he did it just to laugh at the people on that app.


He lied. Move on to new experiences with hopefully a honest person.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

You know deep down hes not worth a second chance!

All fluff ...keeping a record of all the things he does.. thats creepy.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Stick with new guy, you are not losing anything by not giving X another chance, sounds like new guy makes you happy so see how it goes and stop the X interfering as it will stop progress with new guy and eventually destroy this relationship which is exactly what he wants.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

According to one of your earlier threads you
were getting a divorce. Is that finished yet?
If not why are you worried about another guy.
If it is do not settle on another guy to quickly
after a divorce. Take sometime and wait until you 
decide what you want. Any guy worth having should 
not have to go out of his way to impress you. If he 
does then it is all fake. He should impress you 
all of the time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You have been complaining about your serial cheating ex for months,threatening to get a restraining order and having to sleep at a friends house because of him coming over late at night and causing problems.He blames you for his affairs and doesn’t even want shared custody of you’re child.
You have been advised by countless posters to go no contact but you still are pining for him.
Please do the decent thing and break up with your boyfriend,he doesn’t deserve to be strung along like this.You can’t or won’t cut your ex out of your life so just go back to him,it’s what you want to do isn’t it?
Also maybe consider changing the first part of your name to Drama!.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Wowqueen said:


> I guess my question is, how do you know if you give your ex one more chance will be the right thing or letting him go and explore new opportunities? Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


Because he was your BF and not your husband. Think of your time with him like a probationary period when someone starts a new job. But instead of a job, it's to be your future spouse. Your BF *failed* to pass his probationary period and you terminated him. Why would you hire him back? That's not a best practice in HR and not a best practice in relationships. 

If he were your husband, you wouldn't have that luxury of firing him so easily. You dodged a bullet. Now, your new BF has that same opportunity. You keep recruiting until you find the right job/relationship fit.

*Edit to add*: I just assumed he was a BF, not your husband. Guess I was wrong. Dump him regardless. You can still use the advice on your new BF though.


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## Wowqueen (May 20, 2017)

sa58 said:


> According to one of your earlier threads you
> were getting a divorce. Is that finished yet?
> If not why are you worried about another guy.
> If it is do not settle on another guy to quickly
> ...


No, my ex has been prolonging the process...showing up without proper documentation, fired his lawyer, etc. 
I am not worried about the other guy, I'm just wondering if my narcissist husband is worth a second chance. My mind says heck no, but I keep my daughter in mind. 
No, i won't be happy so no she shouldn't see me being miserable. 
But he is very persistent and uses my daughter to get to me, which makes me upset. 
I guess I do know the answer, i just wanted affirmations. 
Thanks for your post. Straight up and honest. I wish I was not drama lol which the other guy isn't my BF he is a friend who has been kind. He doesn't go out of his way to impress me, he supports me as a friend. That's what makes him a good guy and a keeper. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Wowqueen said:


> Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything. But here I am again at a crossroad. Last I posted was in Nov. About the new guy or soon to be ex. Well, it's April and I'm still dealing with my ex. He keeps insisting I work things out with him and every day he says or does something to add to my pros list. (Yes he keeps a list or tally of all the "good" stuff he does). I recently found out he had Tinder while we first separated and again just 4 months ago. He says he did it just to laugh at the people on that app. I don't believe him at all. Now that I'm happy and have done something for me, like go back to school, working out, traveling, he seems to not like I'm doing well without him. As far as the new guy, he is awesome! We go to breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever works for the day, we talk about everything and anything. He is a little reserved as far as being completely open since he feels a little out of the game cause all the crap with my ex. But he treats me well. I've met part of his family and we are planning a shirt trip together.
> I guess my question is, how do you know if you give your ex one more chance will be the right thing or letting him go and explore new opportunities?
> Thanks everyone!
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


I'm completely unfamiliar with your story, so a lot else could be going on. But don't you think it's a bit hypocritical of you to base leaving your ex on him joining Tinder while you were separated, all the while you (I would assume) have sex with another man, while separated?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Your problem is that you’re trying to decide between your ex and the new guy — that’s flawed thinking.

You’re not going to be able to look at your ex and all his faults (or even his “pros”) _objectively_ for as long as you’re viewing him through the lens of another relationship with someone else. Same applies to new guy. That’s not fair to either of them.

In other words, your decision shouldn’t be between your ex and the new guy — it should be between your ex and no one at all.

And if you’d choose being with your ex over being alone then it would be best for you to a) be alone (at least for a while) and b) seek counseling.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wowqueen said:


> Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything. But here I am again at a crossroad. Last I posted was in Nov. About the new guy or soon to be ex. Well, it's April and I'm still dealing with my ex. He keeps insisting I work things out with him and every day he says or does something to add to my pros list. (Yes he keeps a list or tally of all the "good" stuff he does). I recently found out he had Tinder while we first separated and again just 4 months ago. He says he did it just to laugh at the people on that app. I don't believe him at all. Now that I'm happy and have done something for me, like go back to school, working out, traveling, he seems to not like I'm doing well without him. As far as the new guy, he is awesome! We go to breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever works for the day, we talk about everything and anything. He is a little reserved as far as being completely open since he feels a little out of the game cause all the crap with my ex. But he treats me well. I've met part of his family and we are planning a shirt trip together.
> I guess my question is, how do you know if you give your ex one more chance will be the right thing or letting him go and explore new opportunities?
> Thanks everyone!
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


It seems like you have already moved on.

Maybe you should keep on moving on. You sound healthy and happy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Your problem is that you’re trying to decide between your ex and the new guy — that’s flawed thinking.
> 
> 
> In other words, your decision shouldn’t be between your ex and the new guy — it should be between your ex and no one at all.
> ...


This ^^^^^


Simple equation - is your life and well being better with him or without him? 



Your ex sounds like a scheming, manipulative, stalking, bullying serial cheater. 

Thinking about taking an ex like that back is like contemplating stuffing a turd back up your butt. Why would you want to do that?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Wowqueen said:


> Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything. But here I am again at a crossroad. Last I posted was in Nov. About the new guy or soon to be ex. Well, it's April and I'm still dealing with my ex. He keeps insisting I work things out with him and every day he says or does something to add to my pros list. (Yes he keeps a list or tally of all the "good" stuff he does). I recently found out he had Tinder while we first separated and again just 4 months ago. He says he did it just to laugh at the people on that app. I don't believe him at all. Now that I'm happy and have done something for me, like go back to school, working out, traveling, he seems to not like I'm doing well without him. As far as the new guy, he is awesome! We go to breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever works for the day, we talk about everything and anything. He is a little reserved as far as being completely open since he feels a little out of the game cause all the crap with my ex. But he treats me well. I've met part of his family and we are planning a shirt trip together.
> I guess my question is, how do you know if you give your ex one more chance will be the right thing or letting him go and explore new opportunities?
> Thanks everyone!
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


What is the pros that your ex brings exactly? Honestly you seem like one of those women who hangs on to crappy men for whatever reason. You got a new guy who is nice (may be a little soon but still), and yet you are holding on to a men who lied to you. He is your ex for a reason right? 

Are you in counseling?

You actually wrote this sentence. 



> I'm just wondering if my narcissist husband is worth a second chance.


Just imagine it wasn't you who wrote it, would that make sense to you? Don't you see your thinking is off here?

Read Codependency No More and Rising Strong. Those are books that are always recommended. And get counseling. Your ex husband is a jerk. 

NO YOU SHOULD NOT GET BACK WITH HIM. But you having to ask says you need to work on some stuff.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

My take from your first post here is that you aren't ready for any relationship at present. Deal with the baggage of the old,put it behind you and find you,for at least a moment.


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