# Seeking for an advice



## Lucy (Feb 28, 2007)

It’s been now over a year that I’m married. Everything, at first, was good except one thing. I can not feel an orgasm during sex. I thought that it’s because he’s the first and only person I’ve ever been with and perhaps I need some time to understand and learn about my own body…but that was just a stupid and naïve though…so now I lie to him every time pretending that I enjoy it. I don’t know why but one thing led to another and now I can’t tell him; I know this may sound childish but it upsets me just thinking what if I never feel it when he’s in me. I do get an orgasm when we try different thing but never when he’s in me. But that’s not all… it started last year, we kind of started having sex less and less… two months ago I accidentally found out that he chat’s with a few girls online and they send him pictures of them etc… it’s 80% sex chat and 20% daily things. Now I’m assuming that it’s been going on for 3 to 5 month not long but still I was in shock. One day he forgot to sign off from his e-mail account and when I wanted to shot down the comp. I noticed his e-mail was still signed on, and curiosity got into me so I opened it and red every letter…he was having virtual romance with them. One of these girls he called what he used to call me, ‘his queen’. He never mentioned to anyone them that he is married; he sent them pictures that I took of him. I told him everything that day. He promised me that he’ll stop it; that he didn’t mean to hurt me… I try to trust him but I keep thinking about it. What if he couldn’t stop it? I’m so confused…I love him very much and he says that he loves me even more, that he can’t live without me, but yet it seems too me that he’s pushing me away from him. We still are not having sex that often and the times that we do have sex, it’s always me starting it. I still don’t feel orgasm when he’s in me. I’m really worried about that but I can’t tell him. I can’t say that I’ve been lieing all this time. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do? Is this problem coming from me or him? I don’t know who to talk to. I can’t go to Dr. because he’ll find out.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Lucy,

Thanks for posting on our forum. I'm sorry no one's responded yet, but keep checking back. Talk About Marriage is very new (I started it a few weeks ago) so it may take a while for the community to get large enough to get immediate feedback to our posts. This is a normal "growing pain" for website bulletin boards. I wish you the best in finding the answers you're seeking.

Chris


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## Vix (Mar 5, 2007)

Hi there Lucy,

I've been there before. I even confronted him about it and told him that I wasn't getting anything from genital sex. He said that he'd stop with the internet chatting and try to be more attentive with me, but I wasn't convinced. 
Basically, I thought the situation over. What was I doing that may be creating this behaviour? Why did he need to resort to flirting in chat rooms. And what was he getting out of it? 
I decided that I wouldn't stand for that behaviour, so I told him, either he's with me or the computer. And if there's some sort of fantasy he thought he could fulfill through chatting to try it out on me first, otherwise I'd tell him to give his hand some exercise. However, I knew that meant that I would have to be more vocal and explain to him how I wanted it. Also, I had to be more open to trying new things.

The outcome: We've been together for 6 years, he's not doing any chatting that I don't know about or feel uncomfortable with and we both have healthy sexual appetites.

So, maybe figure out what you'll stand for and whether you can live like that or see if you two need to communicate better.


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## Catherine (Mar 7, 2007)

Lucy said:


> It’s been now over a year that I’m married. Everything, at first, was good except one thing. I can not feel an orgasm during sex. I thought that it’s because he’s the first and only person I’ve ever been with and perhaps I need some time to understand and learn about my own body…but that was just a stupid and naïve though…so now I lie to him every time pretending that I enjoy it. I don’t know why but one thing led to another and now I can’t tell him; I know this may sound childish but it upsets me just thinking what if I never feel it when he’s in me. I do get an orgasm when we try different thing but never when he’s in me. But that’s not all… it started last year, we kind of started having sex less and less… two months ago I accidentally found out that he chat’s with a few girls online and they send him pictures of them etc… it’s 80% sex chat and 20% daily things. Now I’m assuming that it’s been going on for 3 to 5 month not long but still I was in shock. One day he forgot to sign off from his e-mail account and when I wanted to shot down the comp. I noticed his e-mail was still signed on, and curiosity got into me so I opened it and red every letter…he was having virtual romance with them. One of these girls he called what he used to call me, ‘his queen’. He never mentioned to anyone them that he is married; he sent them pictures that I took of him. I told him everything that day. He promised me that he’ll stop it; that he didn’t mean to hurt me… I try to trust him but I keep thinking about it. What if he couldn’t stop it? I’m so confused…I love him very much and he says that he loves me even more, that he can’t live without me, but yet it seems too me that he’s pushing me away from him. We still are not having sex that often and the times that we do have sex, it’s always me starting it. I still don’t feel orgasm when he’s in me. I’m really worried about that but I can’t tell him. I can’t say that I’ve been lieing all this time. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do? Is this problem coming from me or him? I don’t know who to talk to. I can’t go to Dr. because he’ll find out.


Hi Lucky,

No problen could be solved in one day so please be patient.Try to work on yourself by reading self-help books in order to get what you want at the end. The first year in marriage is the most tough period for any couples because they learn to understand each other and experience the daily problems together.I have feeling that there is something bother you with your relationship (something else than sex relation"even though you said: "Everything, at first, was good except one thing. "
If I were you ,I would do the following: 

1-I would talk to books,self help books,you might find all your answer in one .Start searching on internet or in a library.
2- I would talk (in an appropriate way-with confident and love) to my husband about my feeling .

Good Luck .
I hope I helped


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

Try porn and thinking of sexy things. Also lusty things that you like.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

mmj5667 said:


> Try porn and thinking of sexy things. Also lusty things that you like.


Holy crap...this has to be the zombiest of all resurrected threads...8 1/2 years old, when the site was only a few weeks old!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Holy crap...this has to be the zombiest of all resurrected threads...8 1/2 years old, when the site was only a few weeks old!





Chris H. said:


> ...I'm sorry no one's responded yet, but keep checking back. *Talk About Marriage is very new (I started it a few weeks ago)* so it may take a while for the community to get large enough to get immediate feedback to our posts. This is a normal "growing pain" for website bulletin boards. I wish you the best in finding the answers you're seeking.
> 
> Chris


This could be a hall-of-famer!!!

:lol:


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