# Wife less focused on sex now we have a baby



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

So first the facts, second marriage, together 3 years, married 1.5 years, have a 3 month old boy. 
We have great communication skills and strong sexual attraction.

I know its only 3 months since ceasar birth but I just want to ask about a womans natural interest in that first year.
We probably have sex now around 3 times a week. It is probably a bit less nasty than it was pre-birth but adequate lets say. 
My wife seems less interested in sex and says it is because she is distracted with the baby, that is drains on her emotionally and physically. 
Sex seems to a have a little tinge of sympathy sex to it at the moment.

My wife still carries a little extra weight (perhaps an extra 25 pounds) and I can see she is a bit self conscious about that.
But having said that she doesn't seem to be that interested in being especially active to get fit again.
So, in the interest of healthy discussion around the topic can I get some opinions about what I could/should be doing.

At this stage Im just going to work on myself and be a loyal, supportive, confident, self respecting husband and give her space to let her sex animal return. 

Oh and one more question - How does a man approach the issue of sex without it becoming all about HIS needs.

Any additional thoughts?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This seems perfectly normal. Right now she is in crunch time, it's a young baby and her body is healing. There are ebbs and flows in your sex life when you are married. That is life. Maybe one day you will get a new job, you may be stressed or tired. It's not like sex stopped. I get it you want sex, all of us guys do, but she is trying to raise you new baby. It's 3 months. You need to suck it up right now. This is life when you have a kid. The absolute BEST thing you can do is just show your wife that you love her to death. Pamper her and take care of her while she takes care of you kid. See where that leads.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

poida said:


> So first the facts, second marriage, together 3 years, married 1.5 years, have a 3 month old boy.
> We have great communication skills and strong sexual attraction.
> 
> I know its only 3 months since ceasar birth but I just want to ask about a womans natural interest in that first year.
> ...


Hate to tell you, but I'm pretty sure three times a week three months after baby is well above average. I'm not sure if you're not really here to just boast.

Little babies are enormous time and energy drains. And if she's breastfeeding, that can have a dampening effect on libido too.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

sokillme said:


> This seems perfectly normal. Right now she is in crunch time, it's a young baby and her body is healing. There are ebbs and flows in your sex life when you are married. That is life. Maybe one day you will get a new job, you may be stressed or tired. It's not like sex stopped. I get it you want sex, all of us guys do, but she is trying to raise you new baby. It's 3 months. You need to suck it up right now. This is life when you have a kid. The absolute BEST thing you can do is just show your wife that you love her to death. Pamper her and take care of her while she takes care of you kid. See where that leads.


Thanks.
Perhaps Im just over thinking it a bit being over careful to make sure my second marriage runs smoothly.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Hate to tell you, but I'm pretty sure three times a week three months after baby is well above average. I'm not sure if you're not really here to just boast.
> 
> Little babies are enormous time and energy drains. And if she's breastfeeding, that can have a dampening effect on libido too.


Oh well it varies, lets say 1-3 times now I think about it. 
Its my first child so Im just making sure things are tracking as expected.
OK, good to know regarding the breast feeding.
cheers.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

poida said:


> Thanks.
> Perhaps Im just over thinking it a bit being over careful to make sure my second marriage runs smoothly.


Think about it from her perspective. Young mother (sounds like not sure). Just had her body torn apart, that has got to be hard and a little scary. Also she is probably not feeling her sexiest because of it. Working very hard to make sure her child has a good healthy young life and taking care of her family. How can YOU be the best husband you can be. First of all support her. That is what she needs now. She is still making time for you, yes she is not as into it but think of all that she has on her plate. It's a very good sign that she still is trying for you too. Maybe not now but in the future you can encourage her to be more present with you, but the way to do that is not by pressure but by romance and reassuring her. Still it's 3 months you have to give her some time. 

I understand that this is probably a little hard for you too as now there is this new focus in your relationship that wasn't there before, however you should embrace it with her together (maybe you are, not saying your not). Instead of being worried about it, how about telling her how grateful you are for all she is doing. That will probably mean a lot to her and also ingratiate he to you. You have to step it up right now, that is your job. You need to provide for her as she is providing for you kid. That is your mission.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

OP 1-3 x a week and a new baby in the home is a good thing.

There are some posters here who only have sex 1-3 x a year and there are no new baby's around.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When a man has his first baby....
I hope he writes a book.

It will be a long one, a long read.
An eye opener, for sure, Methinks!

Women have two purposes in life...men have one.

Stand in line men...
Wait your turn...for the teat, for her love.

Lilith-


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

poida said:


> Oh and one more question - How does a man approach the issue of sex without it becoming all about HIS needs.


*STEP 1:* Make it a point to equally share all the responsibilities with your wife for taking care of the house and your child. This includes cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, trips to the post office, changing diapers, cleaning throw up off the furniture, and playing a game of "stop throwing that in the floor" for hours on end. 

*STEP 2:* You will notice a natural change in your own libido that will help balance your desires with that of your wife for intimacy. Instead of wanting intimate time with your wife, you'll learn to just appreciate some quite time alone and doing absolutely nothing as if it were the best thing that could happen. 

*STEP 3:* Problems solved. Your wife will also appreciate you, but you will have a new problem of being less "alpha" which awkwardly leads to less sex when you want to be with your wife. So it is kind of a catch 22. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

OP give her time. Take the basic sex three times per week as a good thing. She will be back after the baby gets older likely in two years. But, here is my advice, do not let up and do not let the frequency go lower than at least a couple of times per week. It is easy to get detached from her if you are not connecting physically, bunt I am sure you know that and feel that. She needs to know that, too.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

3x a week? jease, try backing off until things normalize, which will be in 18 years. jk. seriously we didnt hit our sexually stride until we hit 40s. have faith. be patient and communicate during banal non sexual moments.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

LOL @ complaining about 3x a week with a 3 month old baby. You are lucky my friend.. the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence.

Is your baby sleeping the night? Or is your wife waking up 3-5x a night to deal with the baby?
This is a very emotional (hormonal) period in her life when this new thing requires 100% attention and energy... 

It will take a while... I wouldn't push or complain about sex as you might just transform into a 2nd baby in her mind.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

poida said:


> Any additional thoughts?


Yeah, I think you're here to jerk around the forum with your first-world sexual "problems".


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

poida said:


> So first the facts, second marriage, together 3 years, married 1.5 years, have a 3 month old boy.
> We have great communication skills and strong sexual attraction.
> 
> I know its only 3 months since ceasar birth but I just want to ask about a womans natural interest in that first year.
> ...


Good grief she has a very new baby, had a big op to have him, and is having sex with you 3 times a week after only 3 months. You are doing VERY well. The first months after having a baby are exhausting and demanding. She is probably up more than once a night feeding him as well. The last thing she probably feels like doing is trying to get rid of a few pounds and that will probably go anyway, especially if she is breast feeding.
Enjoy the baby, help her out as much as you can, and think of them rather than yourself for a while. Its not as if you are being starved of sex is it. 
BTW things do change after a baby, that's normal. She may never be quite the same sexually as she was, she is now a mum with a little one who is completely dependant on her night and day, cut her some slack. Its a massive responsibility and her body and hormones are both focused on the new life.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Yes, count yourself lucky your wife is so into sex at this point. Very lucky.

My wife did not have a cesarean section, so it was different, but everyone’s dynamic is different. Personally I never understand men who fret and worry about how “into sex” their wife is. If she’s happy, have fun.


Way, way overthinking.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Buy that woman some flowers tell her having a baby made her sexier and change some diapers and wash some dishes .


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

Hi, 3x a week is pretty damn good!!! Once a week is like most people's hope. Honestly, my tip as a 22 year married veteran is maybe give her a break and make it one really special time a week. Give her time to actually lust after you. Ask her if its ok for you to take care of yourself once in a while . .... pretty sure this will make her totally jealous and want you even more...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

poida said:


> So first the facts, second marriage, together 3 years, married 1.5 years, have a 3 month old boy.
> We have great communication skills and strong sexual attraction.
> 
> I know its only 3 months since ceasar birth but I just want to ask about a womans natural interest in that first year.
> ...




- Everyone knows that after a woman has a baby, her hormones are off and need time to recover and that could take years. Longer in some cases requiring medications to get her back on track.


- There's the baby weight gained that will make her feel unsexy. That has to come off for her to feel hot again and that too will take time.


- She might be scared about getting pregnant again, this not wanting sex much. So many forms of contraceptives today, no excuses.


- Raising a baby is a job in itself. She will get very little sleep, diapers constantly watching the baby, you name it.


- You could buy a good sex toy and relieve yourself when the mood strikes you. This way, you aren't harassing her for sex during this recovery time.


- Just do what you said you would do and don't worry about 25 lbs baby weight. That's nothing.


- Having sex 3 times a week is the healthy average and nothing to worry about.


- Just give her time.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Whatever you do, don't let her feel that you are less attracted to her (I'm not saying you are, just that she may feel bad about her body and could come to think that). If she asks you for a compliment on her looks, don't just say something nice, feel her up while you do it, make her believe it.

A woman's self-confidence after such changes to her body can take a massive hit. Mine did and it just went downhill from there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

poida said:


> I know its only 3 months since *ceasar birth* but I just want to ask about a womans natural interest in that first year.


Do you mean that she had a caesarean birth, or C-section, where she was cut open to remove the child?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Do you mean that she had a caesarean birth, or C-section, where she was cut open to remove the child?


Surely they are the same thing? 
Its ether a vaginal birth or a caesarean.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

As Diana said, the C in C section stands for Caesarean. 

Yes, the Original Posters wife was cut open, an extremely major surgery which seems to be treated with too little concern these days. My guess is it is more common than most surgeries for younger people to hear about, and they just get used to it.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

That sounds like a lost of sex so soon after giving birth!!! I got Zero for 3-4 months after a C-section. You just be happy and enjoy it.


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Top tips

Do as much as you possibly can with and for your new baby. 
Give your wife time to rest and have some non baby adult time.
Take the baby away for a few hours now and again just to let your wife do something different.

If you do all of the above you will bond with the baby better, have a more rested and grateful wife, have a wife who doesn't worry that she has become a milking nd nappy changing machine, better quality intimate time because she will respect you for the extra effort.

Congratulations too.

Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk


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