# Accusations against me...I think he's starting to lose it.



## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

I feel so uneasy as I write this. I can't get over this anxious feeling as I know something is very wrong with my WS. My story can be read on this post if you are curious.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...i-feel-im-not-getting-truth-how-do-i-get.html

There have been a few strange developments since that post. Saturday night Wh's four kids (from a previous marriage) were here. We were all hanging out watching tv in the living room. I was watching Wh's and my 16 month old throw a football back and forth to Wh's oldest son (13). Wh began acting strange and I asked him what was wrong. He said we needed to talk. So we went somewhere private and he said he knew it was stupid and he was probably imagining it but he noticed I was glancing at his oldest son's crotch. Ummmm.....what???? I was doing no such thing! I explained to him I was simply watching our son play with him. Nothing more. I have no clue why he would ever think such a thing! The strangest part is he didn't seem upset but more like jealous? He's made comments before about me being closest to his eldest. Well, in a way, yes because I was the oldest growing up and I can relate to him. But I am NOT a pedaphile! He is a CHILD and I've never looked at him in any way like that.

The next day it got stranger. I clean the office and homes that are to be sold and Wh's place of employment. Everyone is off on Sundays so I was there alone. It's about a 20-25min drive from our home. The entire time I was there he kept messaging me to hurry home. I eventually got frustrated because he was acting strange and put off two of the homes that needed to be cleaned. I told him I was coming home. I got home 35 mins later due to traffic. Wh met me outside and immediately looked in the backseat. I knew instantly what he was doing. He was checking to see if the seats had been moved. He began interrogating me on my "actual" whereabouts and had me give him a play by play of how I spent my time. I got angry, as this is certaintly not the first time he has done this, and when I did he seemed to lose it. He started sobbing, pleading with me to tell him if I am seeing anyone (I'm not!), and saying over and over "I'm sooo stupid. I'm sick babe, I need help." He then started to vomit. I was shocked. I've never seen him act like that before. Accusations, yes all the time but he seemed to have some sort of breakdown. He said he felt so guilty for what he did to me and now he has this gut feeling I am doing something wrong. SMH 

I feel so devastated. I honestly feel our marriage is ending. We start counseling on Thursday but things are just falling apart. I don't even recognize him anymore! I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something seriously wrong with him. I don't know how to handle this. I'm scared because honestly I don't know what he is going to do. Is this something that is normal when someone feels extremely guilty? Is it a sign he is still be unfaithful? Or is this something more??? I'm at a loss. I don't want to give up on our marriage but his behavior is so irrational!

Again, sorry for the novel. I had to get this out!


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Accusing you of being sexually attracted to his (not your) biological child is very dangerous territory you have just entered. 

I would worry that he has planted this seed of possible child sexual abuse to hold over your head to force you to accept his cheating. Sort of an insurance policy that he can be a cake eater. Threaten to take your children away from you if you ever think of leaving him. 

I would have a VAR on me at all times when those kids are in the house.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I think he needs more than marriage counseling. He needs individual counseling. 

And, hell no, I'd never be anywhere his kids are again, ever. Not with the kind of accusations he's throwing at you.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

> Wh began acting strange and I asked him what was wrong. He said we needed to talk. So we went somewhere private and he said he knew it was stupid and he was probably imagining it but he noticed I was glancing at his oldest son's crotch.
> 
> Ummmm.....what???? I was doing no such thing! I explained to him I was simply watching our son play with him. Nothing more. I have no clue why he would ever think such a thing! The strangest part is he didn't seem upset but more like jealous? He's made comments before about me being closest to his eldest.
> 
> Well, in a way, yes because I was the oldest growing up and I can relate to him. But I am NOT a pedaphile! He is a CHILD and I've never looked at him in any way like that.


And this:



> I told him I was coming home. I got home 35 mins later due to traffic. Wh met me outside and immediately looked in the backseat. I knew instantly what he was doing. He was checking to see if the seats had been moved.
> 
> He began interrogating me on my "actual" whereabouts and had me give him a play by play of how I spent my time.
> 
> I got angry, as this is certaintly not the first time he has done this, and when I did he seemed to lose it. He started sobbing, pleading with me to tell him if I am seeing anyone (I'm not!), and saying over and over "I'm sooo stupid. I'm sick babe, I need help." He then started to vomit. wrong. SMH


Can you email the psychologist or MC this information prior to the session. 

This way you won't need to waste the hour going in to the above details.

Still, the counselor having the behind the scenes facts can better assess your husband's mental state. 

Is he having a breakdown, or is he plotting something like false accusations of child molestation? Hard to tell on a message board.

Yes, keep a video camera or VAR going at all times when you are near his children.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Is he on drugs?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Is it possible he's been having an affair with someone close to you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Visionknower (Oct 14, 2013)

These accusations that your WS is imposing or PROJECTING onto you are very creepy. Why would that even cross his mind if he is not distorted in his thinking? It seems clear that he could well be a sicko and that he is projecting onto you what he knows he himself is suffering from and guilty of personally. Cheaters often blame their partners of cheating in order to keep their partners so busy defending themselves that they don't look at what the cheating partner's is really up to. His accusation could be him taking this commonly seen behavior only taking it to a whole new level. It is obvious your WS is dealing with serious issues that resemble a disordered personality. I read your earlier post and your WS has been a deceptive bully, a chronic liar, nervous, anxious and paranoid. What is he trying to hide from you and from himself and maybe from everyone? You have to ask the very difficult unthinkable questions now, Your children's safety could very well be in danger. This is not a risk a healthy person takes. Do not dismiss the possibilities just because you could never fathom that he is capable of such sick behaviors. He is the one that brought the whole concept of pediphle impulse up and Acted '
"jealous" instead of horrified. He brought it up and it was obviously not a concept that would of ever even cross your mind. This could be his unconscious way of asking for help with a very dark violating impulsive behavior that he has difficulty controlling. Insisting on a polygraph for infidelity and sexual deviance would be a wise thing to insist that he summit to now. GET SUPPORT!!! Find professionals that can help you find a reputable polygraph examiner that works with sex offenders and infidelity both. Let professionals read these post and give them every detail of your WS's behaviors. What all of his odd or deceptive behaviors have been and what they are now Include any things that seemed "odd" to you. We often know and see more then we realize. Especially look back at everything and note every event where your gut instinct let you know something was off or was odd or not right. Note these events and look at the big picture. This could be wrong yet his behaviors are strange and his accusation of your looking at your step sons inappropriately is just very very very odd. His issues could very well be much darker and more serious then you are capable if imagining. I would not take a risk of R with a potential predator or person that struggles with issues that could possibly include pedophilia. Be Smart!!! When dealing with an odd, paranoid, deceptive, lying, cheating person you best have your own and your children's back. This is a responsible sane approach.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yes, send the info to the MC before the session. And make sure this gets discussed in MC.

He needs help.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

seems like he might be hiding more bad behaivior.

child porn or something that he thinks you might find. IDK very strange indeed. I would tell him he needs therapy and I would watch him like a hawk.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

remorseful strayer said:


> And this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't have an e-mail address yet. Thursday is our first day. But, I will definitely address these issues first.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Is he on drugs?


Not that I am aware of! I think he may be afraid of losing his family and he's acting out of desperation but I don't know. Obviously he has far more issues than I ever realized!


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

> I'm sick babe, I need help.


Yep. He hit the nail on the head. MC isn't enough. He needs to see a psychiatrist because he's delusional. There's something very serious serious going on, and he needs to be diagnosed by a doctor (psychiatrist). Use his plea for help as an opportunity. Agree with him, and let him know he needs to see an MD who specializes in figuring out why he would be thinking the kind of off-the-wall thoughts he's been having, some that even make him physically ill.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Is it possible he's been having an affair with someone close to you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only person close to me is my sister and I KNOW for a fact he is not having an affair with her. I know her too well. She would never do that. I know that may sound cliche but I just know for a fact. Now as for having an affair with someone else....maybe even someone I know....who knows? It did seem to me that he was struggling with a lot of guilt....so much that he got sick. It's like he was trying to pull something out of me to make himself feel better or something. I told him he could tell me but he still insists there is nothing. He claims there was only one inappropriate conversation with a coworker and that was all. He won't admit to anything else. So I don't know...


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

Visionknower said:


> These accusations that your WS is imposing or PROJECTING onto you are very creepy. Why would that even cross his mind if he is not distorted in his thinking? It seems clear that he could well be a sicko and that he is projecting onto you what he knows he himself is suffering from and guilty of personally. Cheaters often blame their partners of cheating in order to keep their partners so busy defending themselves that they don't look at what the cheating partner's is really up to. His accusation could be him taking this commonly seen behavior only taking it to a whole new level. It is obvious your WS is dealing with serious issues that resemble a disordered personality. I read your earlier post and your WS has been a deceptive bully, a chronic liar, nervous, anxious and paranoid. What is he trying to hide from you and from himself and maybe from everyone? You have to ask the very difficult unthinkable questions now, Your children's safety could very well be in danger. This is not a risk a healthy person takes. Do not dismiss the possibilities just because you could never fathom that he is capable of such sick behaviors. He is the one that brought the whole concept of pediphle impulse up and Acted '
> "jealous" instead of horrified. He brought it up and it was obviously not a concept that would of ever even cross your mind. This could be his unconscious way of asking for help with a very dark violating impulsive behavior that he has difficulty controlling. Insisting on a polygraph for infidelity and sexual deviance would be a wise thing to insist that he summit to now. GET SUPPORT!!! Find professionals that can help you find a reputable polygraph examiner that works with sex offenders and infidelity both. Let professionals read these post and give them every detail of your WS's behaviors. What all of his odd or deceptive behaviors have been and what they are now Include any things that seemed "odd" to you. We often know and see more then we realize. Especially look back at everything and note every event where your gut instinct let you know something was off or was odd or not right. Note these events and look at the big picture. This could be wrong yet his behaviors are strange and his accusation of your looking at your step sons inappropriately is just very very very odd. His issues could very well be much darker and more serious then you are capable if imagining. I would not take a risk of R with a potential predator or person that struggles with issues that could possibly include pedophilia. Be Smart!!! When dealing with an odd, paranoid, deceptive, lying, cheating person you best have your own and your children's back. This is a responsible sane approach.


I know, you are so very right. It's so hard to admit that he may very well be someone I don't know at all. He's always been controlling and jealous but I shrugged that off because his ex-wife cheated on him. Generally after talking to him he would get better. He's actually scaring me right now, however. This behavior is knew and it gives me the goosebumps. I can not get the accusation about his son out of his because I do feel it could be a projection. I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship and so help me God if I found out he had done something to her....I would lose it. She is thankfully at her father's this week so she is protected but I really think I need to go somewhere else for a time to protect our boys. I just don't know. I don't want to just give up on him and I would like to help him but I can't put my kids in jeopardy. I'll be willing to help from a distance maybe. I don't know. My mind is racing right now. I can't even think clearly and I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. Ugh.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

hopefulgirl said:


> Yep. He hit the nail on the head. MC isn't enough. He needs to see a psychiatrist because he's delusional. There's something very serious serious going on, and he needs to be diagnosed by a doctor (psychiatrist). Use his plea for help as an opportunity. Agree with him, and let him know he needs to see an MD who specializes in figuring out why he would be thinking the kind of off-the-wall thoughts he's been having, some that even make him physically ill.


I am. I agreed with him and told him if he doesn't figure out what is making him think like that then I have to walk away. I just can't take it anymore. And then to accuse me of something so horrible as looking at his son???? He does need help....no doubt about that. I hope he is actually willing to get it now.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

mamabear131617 said:


> I don't have an e-mail address yet. Thursday is our first day. But, I will definitely address these issues first.


Can you leave her a detailed voice mail message reciting what was posted here. 

You have a lot of things to discuss in the first session. 

Your MC will need time to ponder this information. It is best to give it to her ahead of this first session. 

If you can't leave a voice mail, call her and tell her you need to give her some background before you all meet. 

She will be glad you did. This is a complicated issue and it will give her a head's up on how to better assess your husband's mental state and personality.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

mamabear131617 said:


> This behavior is knew and it gives me the goosebumps. I can not get *the accusation about his son* out of his because I do feel *it could be a projection*. *I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship* and so help me God if I found out he had done something to her....I would lose it. She is thankfully at her father's this week so she is protected but I really think I need to go somewhere else for a time to protect our boys.


I think you need to get the kids out of that house. Has your daughter had a change in behavior? Sudden problems in school? Have a serious talk with your daughter. Bring up inappropriate touching and how sometimes adults will try to make them feel special by telling them "this is our little secret" or threatening them with "If you tell mommy, she will be mad at you and not love you anymore". 

I am sorry you are in this position. His accusation about his son is very damaging.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> I think you need to get the kids out of that house. Has your daughter had a change in behavior? Sudden problems in school? Have a serious talk with your daughter. Bring up inappropriate touching and how sometimes adults will try to make them feel special by telling them "this is our little secret" or threatening them with "If you tell mommy, she will be mad at you and not love you anymore".
> 
> I am sorry you are in this position. His accusation about his son is very damaging.


I have had talks with her before just in case. I do plan on asking her but what is the best way to go about it?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'd get a book (age appropriate) from the library on it, and read it with her. Ask her if it's happened to anyone she knows. Press that it's really really important for any kid to tell a grownup they trust about it.


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