# Are you all more flexible when it comes to the PM's?



## Cee Paul

So obviously getting into a verbal war with someone or name calling in forums gets you suspended or banned, but is there more flexibility when it comes to confronting that person in the private messages section?


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## Maricha75

I think it's safe to say that, whether talking in a thread on the forum or PM'ing someone, you still need to maintain respect. IOW, you can't call someone a "f*cking a$$hole" on a thread, and you probably shouldn't do it in PM, either... because even PMs can be reported. Just sayin'...


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## mablenc

I think people can be banned over PM, guess it takes the private out if it:scratchhead:


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## Ikaika

I don't understand why it is ever important to get into a verbal war. 

One just needs to state their opinion... if one wants to provide some factual information it should be accompanied by a citation. 

If you don't agree with another person's opinion no matter how outrageous it may sound, you say as much. "I don't agree with your opinion". and leave it at that. If someone tells you are wrong in an inflammatory manner, just don't respond. It is not worth it. 

It is not as if you lost anything. Be the better person and hold the higher ground. 

The principle should be for both forum posts and PMs.


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## Cee Paul

Just asking, because there are a few on here who need and DESERVE a verbal lashing now and then for their rude or obnoxious behavior. And I am not opposed to someone letting me have it in a pm either so I'm including myself as well.

Also, if you decide to go the route of putting certain people on the "ignore" list to take care of it, can you let that person know that they are now on that list so they don't bother responding to your posts any longer. Or will that be subject to a suspension or banning?


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## Ikaika

Cee Paul said:


> Just asking, because there are a few on here who need and DESERVE a verbal lashing now and then *for their rude or obnoxious behavior.* And I am not opposed to someone letting me have it in a pm either so I'm including myself as well.


Best to just report them to the moderators. It does not seem worth the trouble to me, but I guess we all have our breaking points. 

I would just lend caution using the NFL and NBA situation. It is always the player that retaliates that typically gets called for the penalty or foul not the initial offender.


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## Maricha75

Cee Paul said:


> *Also, if you decide to go the route of putting certain people on the "ignore" list to take care of it, can you let that person know that they are now on that list so they don't bother responding to your posts any longer. *Or will that be subject to a suspension or banning?


What makes you think their responses would be for your benefit, rather than giving an opposing view of something? Why would you care, really? You don't like them, you put them on ignore, YOUR problem is solved, in that you don't see their posts except when someone quotes them. Again, I ask...why would you even care if they comment on something you post? :scratchhead:

But, to answer your question, no, I don't think telling someone "I am now putting you on ignore" would get you banned... However, it WOULD appear childish.


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## Mavash.

No matter what someone does here I do not have the right to give someone a verbal lashing nor them to me.

The correct protocol is report obnoxious behavior to the mods and/or put them on ignore.


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## SomedayDig

Cee Paul said:


> Just asking, because there are a few on here who need and DESERVE a verbal lashing now and then for their rude or obnoxious behavior. And I am not opposed to someone letting me have it in a pm either so I'm including myself as well.
> 
> Also, if you decide to go the route of putting certain people on the "ignore" list to take care of it, can you let that person know that they are now on that list so they don't bother responding to your posts any longer. Or will that be subject to a suspension or banning?


The only real issue is that if you feel there are people who need and DESERVE a verbal lashing...maybe you need to question whether it's worth it. What are you trying to get across? Do you just not like a certain poster or is it the style or the content?

To get so upset that you would want to verbally lash out at someone in a PM suggests that maybe, and this would be for me at least...that it's time to click the X at the top of the browser.


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## Cee Paul

Now forming that "ignore" list, so that I can get back to having a good time on here without being constantly trolled and baited by the same 2-3 individuals who are well known for it.


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## Maricha75

Just wanted to make sure you knew that they can still post on your threads/to you, even if you have them on your ignore list...as long as they don't "ignore" you in return.And, you will still see posts from them if they are quoted by someone you are NOT ignoring. I learned that from experience.


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## Cee Paul

Maricha75 said:


> Just wanted to make sure you knew that they can still post on your threads/to you, even if you have them on your ignore list...as long as they don't "ignore" you in return.And, you will still see posts from them if they are quoted by someone you are NOT ignoring. I learned that from experience.


Yeah I noticed that with someone that I had to put on there about 3 months ago.


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## FrenchFry

Cee Paul said:


> Just asking, because there are a few on here who need and DESERVE a verbal lashing now and then for their rude or obnoxious behavior. And I am not opposed to someone letting me have it in a pm either so I'm including myself as well.
> 
> Also, if you decide to go the route of putting certain people on the "ignore" list to take care of it, can you let that person know that they are now on that list so they don't bother responding to your posts any longer. Or will that be subject to a suspension or banning?


Here is the thing.

You can verbally lash out all you want to in PM but if someone chooses to report that PM, all of the moderators see the entire discussion and if it crosses the line into unacceptable, you are subject to a banning.

I also suggest that you quietly place people on ignore. While you absolutely have the prerogative to inform a user politely that you are placing them on ignore, it's mostly just an extra dose of drama that really isn't necessary and again, if a user decides to report the PM, you absolutely may be subject to a banning if the PM breaks the guidelines.

Best bet is to stop, drop the keyboard and walk away for a minute if you are feeling a lashing coming on.


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## larry.gray

Hey, if you're making a list, throw my on there please.


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## Cee Paul

larry.gray said:


> Hey, if you're making a list, throw my on there please.


You are not one who constantly follows me around firing off sarcastic comments Larry, so you're good.


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## SomedayDig

:scratchhead:

You can't ASK to be ignored Larry. That's against the rules.


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## Wing Man

Haven't been a victim of "trolling" on here.......yet, but when or if it happens it will be quietly reported right away.


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## Wiltshireman

Does someone who gets banned have the right of appeal?

I got banned on a car forum for giving a scathing (but true) review of a local car dealer only to find out later the owner was a moderator on and sponsor of the forum.


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## angelpixie

You can report the poster to the mods by clicking on the little red triangle in the lower left of a post, or in the blue banner above a PM.


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## 827Aug

staarz21, please use the report feature for the PMs you have received. This person is way out of line. Behavior like this will not be tolerated here.


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## Cee Paul

I have had to put three people on "ignore" because of the fact they constantly trolled behind me to kick up a fight, and then each time I responded back in anger "I" would get suspended while they were allowed to carry on their merry way.


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## southbound

Is there a particular section where this negative type of stuff appears more? Maybe I'm just not easily offended, but I don't usually notice anything I consider bad. I actually consider this place rather friendly in comparison to some other forums on the web.


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## SimplyAmorous

Cee Paul said:


> Also,* if you decide to go the route of putting certain people on the "ignore" list to take care of it, can you let that person know that they are now on that list so they don't bother responding to your posts any longer.* Or will that be subject to a suspension or banning?


I must admit I think this is funny... very few would go this length though.... .the type of people who use ignore generally do not want you to know they have issues with you. They are more quiet about "the hate" and likely come off as the nice people on the forum. 

I would even prefer RUDE and honest over that -personally. 

Honestly if anyone has ME on ignore, I would LOVE for them to tell me.....I LIKE to know who hates me..... Not everyone is going to like us... nothing new under the sun....I've had 2 women posters Pm me telling me they wanted me banned...and one telling me how snarkly I was.... I wouldn't report anyone , they hated my views, felt I was judgemental and let me know that others pmed them as well and felt I had my "head up my a$$"... It stirred me up some, and I questioned if I should even post here. 

But you know what, I appreciated hearing it anyway... though I never knew or learned who the other haters was. 

I wouldn't report anyone for anything... I would probably do a back & forth with them -till they got sick of me... That's just how I handle internet people and differences...I see no threat to myself... like in real life , that could be a different story.


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## Cee Paul

SimplyAmorous said:


> I must admit I think this is funny... very few would go this length though.... .the type of people who use ignore generally do not want you to know they have issues with you. They are more quiet about "the hate" and likely come off as the nice people on the forum.
> 
> I would even prefer RUDE and honest over that -personally.
> 
> Honestly if anyone has ME on ignore, I would LOVE for them to tell me.....I LIKE to know who hates me..... Not everyone is going to like us... nothing new under the sun....I've had 2 women posters Pm me telling me they wanted me banned...and one telling me how snarkly I was.... I wouldn't report anyone , they hated my views, felt I was judgemental and let me know that others pmed them as well and felt I had my "head up my a$$"... It stirred me up some, and I questioned if I should even post here.
> 
> But you know what, I appreciated hearing it anyway... though I never knew or learned who the other haters was.
> 
> I wouldn't report anyone for anything... I would probably do a back & forth with them -till they got sick of me... That's just how I handle internet people and differences...I see no threat to myself... like in real life , that could be a different story.


I can respect that, but always remember that we are all very different personalities from many different backgrounds so the way we all respond to things are always going to be different too.


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## TCSRedhead

I suppose you could just post 'I'm ignoring you, <insert username> followed by an animation of a person sticking out their tongue for equal effect?


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## SimplyAmorous

Cee Paul said:


> I can respect that, but always remember that we are all very different personalities from many different backgrounds so the way we all respond to things are always going to be different too.


 Of course.... 

I am fascinated by the various views, beliefs, ways of living, and if it WORKS and ROCKS for others.. this is GOOD for them....We are so NOT all the same... Our likes, passions, what we hold valuable, deal breakers, what annoys one may make another laugh..also our different upbringings/ experiences along the way......so much can affect our outlook...and how we choose to live & love. 

Not to mention different temperaments, different pet Peeves, different love languages, etc etc it's what makes the world go around...and very [email protected]#$ 

This saying below is one of my favorites (out of a temperament book)....it's just something to keep in mind when dealing with others who don't feel the same as we....or their personal ideas of happiness.... it's good when we can "agree to disagree "..and still keep the some "respect" in tact... 




> "Different Drums for Different Drummers"
> 
> If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
> 
> Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
> 
> Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
> 
> Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
> 
> If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right--- FOR ME. To put up with me is the 1st step to understanding me.
> 
> Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
> 
> I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You are I are fundamentally different... and both of us have to march to our own drummer.


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> Of course....
> 
> I am fascinated by the various views, beliefs, ways of living, and if it WORKS and ROCKS for others.. this is GOOD for them....We are so NOT all the same... Our likes, passions, what we hold valuable, deal breakers, what annoys one may make another laugh..also our different upbringings/ experiences along the way......so much can affect our outlook...and how we choose to live & love.
> 
> Not to mention different temperaments, different pet Peeves, different love languages, etc etc it's what makes the world go around...and very [email protected]#$
> ..


True, we are all different. I'm different in a sense that I am almost numb to words. Seriously, a person could call me about any name in the book or say my mom wore combat boots, and it wouldn't bother me much. I call it maturity, but I don't know. I know that not many people are like that.

That's why i am always amazed at how someone is always having to apologize on tv for something they said. I'm thinking, "Really? It really hurt someone's feelings that badly?" I do like a good debate, but I rarely get upset.


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> True, we are all different. I'm different in a sense that I am almost numb to words. Seriously, a person could call me about any name in the book or say my mom wore combat boots, and it wouldn't bother me much. I call it maturity, but I don't know. I know that not many people are like that.
> 
> That's why i am always amazed at how someone is always having to apologize on tv for something they said. I'm thinking, "Really? It really hurt someone's feelings that badly?" I do like a good debate, but I rarely get upset.


Hmmmmm interesting... Numb to words ....so the whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is true for you.... 

What if someone took pop shots at your daughter Southbound? 

I am at both ends in this..... I consider myself very sensitive - but I will never see this as a blight on my character...THIS helps me be sensitive to others as well...... in fact, I'd likely be reduced to a "not so nice" person without some of that going on....

But on the other hand....I like people to BE who they are , even if it irritates me, rubs me the wrong way..... so I know what I am dealing with. Not just being RUDE for the sake of being RUDE ...now that is pure assinine-ness to me - and it speaks to WHO THEY ARE ...

But I wouldn't want someone downplaying their true feelings in order to "spare" my virgin ears (so to speak)... 

Would never have the desire to be numb to others words, thoughts, feelings...even if it may STING, throw me on the ground for a time like I was sucker punched, I'll get back up ...I welcome it ...sometimes I can learn from it. 

I like sensitive people - who understand what I just said above... if not, they could be the type who you have to walk on "egg shells" with....and that is just no fun to be around at all !


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> True, we are all different. I'm different in a sense that I am almost numb to words. Seriously, a person could call me about any name in the book or say my mom wore combat boots, and it wouldn't bother me much. I call it maturity, but I don't know. I know that not many people are like that.


Hey Southbound... Maybe I was reading you wrong here.. I told my husband what you said on here last night, mentioning your mom in Combat boots... this thread subject ....how you would be numb to someone saying something like that and you feel this is "maturity" on your part ..... and he shoots back ...."well yeah...... that's someone trying to pick a fight !" --is this what you meant when you replied like this... someone purposely trying to get a RISE... a reaction ? 

I wasn't thinking like that when I replied... my husband agrees with what YOU said, he too is numb ....if someone like that was around, he wouldn't let them get under his skin..at all... it's best to just move along... ignore them. 

Under these circumstances... I'd have to agree... Life it too short to allow our emotions to be blown by the wind by those who have no power over us or can't affect our lives either way. 



> That's why i am always amazed at how someone is always having to apologize on tv for something they said. I'm thinking, "Really? It really hurt someone's feelings that badly?" I do like a good debate, but I rarely get upset.


I quickly seen your thread on Paula Deen, I've never watched her and not clear on the story but a few tidbits my husband read in a people's magazine days ago... I have to agree with Unbelievable's post on your thread here >>


unbelievable said:


> This is America. With the exception of uttering obscenities in the presence of kids or yelling "fire" in a theater or "bomb" in an airport, let people speak, think, worship, read, or listen as they wish. If you find someone insulting, you can ignore them or insult them back. Enough with the political correctness and thought police. We're turning into the PC Taliban.


I'm not politically correct at all... I've often thought it would be horrible to be famous.....every word you utter is scrutinized, weighed, and judged. Seems Paula Deen was just being honest ... obviously it would have been better for her to LIE to the public...this is why the world is full of Liars...every Politician....you can't believe a single word that comes out of anyone's mouth these days.... because they are just pandering...."white lying" their way through ...we learn from a young age, telling the truth only gets you in a deep pot of trouble. 

I think that's a shame.


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> Hmmmmm interesting... Numb to words ....so the whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is true for you....
> 
> What if someone took pop shots at your daughter Southbound?
> 
> I am at both ends in this..... I consider myself very sensitive - but I will never see this as a blight on my character...THIS helps me be sensitive to others as well...... in fact, I'd likely be reduced to a "not so nice" person without some of that going on....
> 
> But on the other hand....I like people to BE who they are , even if it irritates me, rubs me the wrong way..... so I know what I am dealing with. Not just being RUDE for the sake of being RUDE ...now that is pure assinine-ness to me - and it speaks to WHO THEY ARE ...
> 
> But I wouldn't want someone downplaying their true feelings in order to "spare" my virgin ears (so to speak)...
> 
> Would never have the desire to be numb to others words, thoughts, feelings...even if it may STING, throw me on the ground for a time like I was sucker punched, I'll get back up ...I welcome it ...sometimes I can learn from it.
> 
> I like sensitive people - who understand what I just said above... if not, they could be the type who you have to walk on "egg shells" with....and that is just no fun to be around at all !


To me, there are various forms of words; there are opinions, name-calling, and lies.

If someone is spreading a lie about me, that should not be happening. However, if someone is just calling me names, I couldn't care less. name calling is usually just something done out of anger in an attempt to agitate the recipient. I like to think I don't give others the kind of power over me to change my mood within seconds because of their words.

For example, if someone calls me stupid, what would be the source of my anger? Am I angry because them calling me stupid really makes me stupid? Not logical. Am I angry because I really am stupid and hate to be reminded? Hmm. It just fascinates me to no end how some people get so ticked off at words or if someone passes in a vehicle and gives them the finger. It means absolutely nothing to me, other than another human showing how childish they are. 

Now to address my daughter. My daughter is 14, and I realize that if someone were calling her names, it could lead to a problem and it would need to be dealt with. On the other hand, if I'm in a one-on-one with someone and they choose to start making wise cracks about my daughter to make me angry, it probably wouldn't make me angry. I would just return the comments with a contradiction. I'm good at that. The more people try to alarm me with words, the more of a nut I think they become.

However, there could be a negative aspect to this. Perhaps it hinders my ability to recognize emotions and sensitivity in others.


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> To me, there are various forms of words; there are* opinions,* *name-calling*, and *lies*.


 I LIKE how you narrowed this down into these 3 categories... very true !



> If someone is spreading a lie about me, that should not be happening. However, if someone is just calling me names, I couldn't care less. name calling is usually just something done out of anger in an attempt to agitate the recipient. I like to think I don't give others the kind of power over me to change my mood within seconds because of their words.


 So true...this *IS* giving another Power over you. 



> For example, if someone calls me stupid, what would be the source of my anger? Am I angry because them calling me stupid really makes me stupid? Not logical. Am I angry because I really am stupid and hate to be reminded? Hmm.


 I have felt, by others opinions on this forum, that women who do NOT go to college are deemed "Stupid".... should I let it bother me that I didn't go... No, not really.. ...but yet I tend to want to say something....that just because I didn't jump through the new societal hoops of independence... just because I choose to lean on a man, get married younger & have kids...I have no regrets & am happy with my choices..

... Not sure what that says about me, maybe an insecurity is there I feel around Independent women -if I feel my type are being judged... I have to remind myself, it's just opinions...though... don't let it get to me... I like who I am & would do it all over again the same. 



> It just fascinates me to no end how some people get so ticked off at words or if someone passes in a vehicle and gives them the finger. *It means absolutely nothing to me*, other than another human showing how childish they are.


 I liked how my husband handled this ... this lady flicked him the bird once, he was not even close to cutting her off but she was obviously Peeded.... he thought it was pretty funny , big  on his face & says >> "LOOK that lady wants to have sex with me!"... :rofl: 



> Now to address my daughter. My daughter is 14, and I realize that if someone were calling her names, it could lead to a problem and it would need to be dealt with. On the other hand, if I'm in a one-on-one with someone and they choose to start making wise cracks about my daughter to make me angry, it probably wouldn't make me angry. *I would just return the comments with a contradiction. I'm good at that.* The more people try to alarm me with words, the more of a nut I think they become.


 I consider myself like this too. I can be the calmest person around a fireball... and try to breathe some reason into them, I think I have more patience here than almost anywhere else..I think because I see it as a challenge somehow...and I like that....while still holding on to the calm.  



> However, there could be a negative aspect to this. Perhaps it hinders my ability to recognize emotions and sensitivity in others.


I would think ...if one was aware, really understanding what is at play...and can separate the genuine (the wheat) from the misguided/ overly emotional and hurtful (the chaff)... then one can still hold on to their sensitivity and use it wisely.


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