# Papers on the Way



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

My wife borrowed money from her friend and hired a lawyer. I expect to be served soon (not soon enough for her). What should I be expecting?


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## outofideas2 (Jun 18, 2011)

I got served Longarm to the state of TX by my wife. Got the certified mail card then had to go pick the papers up at the post office. 

Tried to stay calm when picking them up but when I got back to the car to read the verbage.... broke down for a minute then tried to remember that I had my feet on the ground here in Austin and that got me through the rest of the day without panicking. 

I've only read through them once. Pretty tough stuff no doubt


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

WOW guys....
I'M the one about to serve my H and I'm just as freaked out and you guys seem to be....
Just a little info, I've tried to work things out for 3 years - separated for 6 months and after text messages, emails, me right in front of him, he won't _do_ anything.
I'm sorry you guys are going thru this....just as I am for myself.
Would getting papers make a man wake up?
Just wondering....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> My wife borrowed money from her friend and hired a lawyer. I expect to be served soon (not soon enough for her). What should I be expecting?


At the risk of sounding like a smart a$$--you should expect...to be served with papers.

That is all. 

If she has a lawyer, start calling some in your area and asking what their retainer fees are & make an appointment to discuss their success rates and what your rights are. A lot of lawyers will give you a free consultation.



JustAGirl said:


> Would getting papers make a man wake up?


Wake a man up to what? To agree to what you've asked for in the divorce? To speed along the divorce process? To want to reconcile the marriage? I think divorce papers should only be served when you are 100% sure you have done any/everything to save your marriage and are 100% sure its what you want. 
D papers shouldn't be used as leverage or a warning. Some people see the papers and realize the gravity of their situation and then work on things but remember, it takes TWO to make that happen. One person cannot do it alone.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> At the risk of sounding like a smart a$$--you should expect...to be served with papers.
> 
> That is all.
> 
> ...


Just wake him up from everything! lol
I don't know....me talking didn't work, me begging didn't work, me telling him I wanted to separate didn't work, me telling him I was leaving didn't work, my actual leaving didn't work, my attorney sending a separation agreement didn't work, my texts, emails and talks haven't worked....just wondered if asking for a divorce is gonna work lol

I guess we will see............


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Just wake him up from everything! lol
> I don't know....me talking didn't work, me begging didn't work, me telling him I wanted to separate didn't work, me telling him I was leaving didn't work, my actual leaving didn't work, my attorney sending a separation agreement didn't work, my texts, emails and talks haven't worked....just wondered if asking for a divorce is gonna work lol
> 
> I guess we will see............


If this didn't work, the answer is simple.......nope.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Yep. What he said.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

JustAGirl said:


> just wondered if asking for a divorce is gonna work


Yes. I believe the divorce papers will wake someone up. I just believe it will most likely be you. Wake you up to the fact that this man isn't worth the effort and it's time to move on with your life. 

I don't mean to sound harsh. I've wondered the same thing. Will divorce papers wake up my WW? No, but they are waking me up that it is certainly time to move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Yes. I believe the divorce papers will wake someone up. I just believe it will most likely be you. Wake you up to the fact that this man isn't worth the effort and it's time to move on with your life.


Preach it! :iagree:


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

GAH....lol
Seriously, you guys are all right....
I'm stuck in my own denial I suppose

And don't worry about harsh...I'm a big girl


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It IS so frustrating, Just... eventhough I wasn't the one who filed, I was the only one making efforts for a LONG time. He wouldn't do counselling, he wouldn't work on things with me, he has zero accountability and then later told me if I didn't sign X for him, he would file the divorce. He issued ultimatums the entire step of the way. In fact, he told me that until I signed the house/title over to him, he would not even discuss reconciliation or consider it. 

Yeah. 

So I hear you--you are battle with what's inyour heart vs. reality. It sucks the big one but sometimes you need to let go of what you FEEL and do the right thing.

(Doing the right thing sucks, doesn't it?) LOL


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

JustAGirl said:


> Just wake him up from everything! lol
> I don't know....me talking didn't work, me begging didn't work, me telling him I wanted to separate didn't work, me telling him I was leaving didn't work, my actual leaving didn't work, my attorney sending a separation agreement didn't work, my texts, emails and talks haven't worked....just wondered if asking for a divorce is gonna work lol
> 
> I guess we will see............


If all of that didn't work then I doubt the D papers are going to do anything but make the end of your marriage official. A spouse doesn't go through all of that without some form of discussion (and I mean mutual discussion not a one way talk) about the problems. You mentioned wake up from everything, I need to go back and read your posts because I don't know what it is he needed to wake up from. Did he have and EA/PA, etc? Alcohol? Drugs? Abuse? If it was any of those then you should be content moving on and shouldn't concern yourself with a possible wake up call from D papers other than for his own future benefit. If it was none of those issues then I don't think D papers will do much anyways since there was something in the chemistry between both of you that was probably pretty toxic on both sides of the coin. Just my .02 cents worth.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> It IS so frustrating, Just... eventhough I wasn't the one who filed, I was the only one making efforts for a LONG time. He wouldn't do counselling, he wouldn't work on things with me, he has zero accountability and then later told me if I didn't sign X for him, he would file the divorce. He issued ultimatums the entire step of the way. In fact, he told me that until I signed the house/title over to him, he would not even discuss reconciliation or consider it.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> ...


Ok...yeah, reality SUCKS!
I guess I'm stubborn in my own way! I hate to give up without a fight - no matter how unhappy I am! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> If all of that didn't work then I doubt the D papers are going to do anything but make the end of your marriage official. A spouse doesn't go through all of that without some form of discussion (and I mean mutual discussion not a one way talk) about the problems. You mentioned wake up from everything, I need to go back and read your posts because I don't know what it is he needed to wake up from. Did he have and EA/PA, etc? Alcohol? Drugs? Abuse? If it was any of those then you should be content moving on and shouldn't concern yourself with a possible wake up call from D papers other than for his own future benefit. If it was none of those issues then I don't think D papers will do much anyways since there was something in the chemistry between both of you that was probably pretty toxic on both sides of the coin. Just my .02 cents worth.


How depressing! I mean - I guess I always knew that this can't work with only one person trying but I guess when he says he wants me to come home and still loves me that he would make an effort....and he didn't beat me, he didn't drink and no affairs that I'm aware of....he is doesn't like to talk and is very stubborn. Doesn't like to do anything he doesn't want to....and this has been the hardest thing for me to do b/c I've never rocked the boat....never pushed him beyond his comfort zone...
I just need to move on....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> At the risk of sounding like a smart a$$--you should expect...to be served with papers.
> 
> That is all.


Good answer. If I wanted to know what kind of papers, I would have asked. It seems to me that there is some kind of shared understanding around what these papers are supposed to do, although I'm not sure it is correct. My wife and her friends are under the impression that I'm going to move out when I get served but I'm really not sure where they come up with this idea. I guess they've seen it in other couples.

Sadly, I'm afraid this probably signals the end of trying to be (as) nice (as possible). I guess now I hire the biggest hammer I can find, pound the core without mercy and see what breaks


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you call up any lawyers?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Yes. I just got served a couple hours ago. She had the server come over to the house while the kids were there. I took off running through the back yard (we all need some drama) and hung out for an hour. I guess she signed for the papers and left them on my computer. The complaint is pretty weak and factually incorrect. I guess I didn't have to worry after all.

So I guess I don't discuss any future arrangements in person and handle it all through the attorneys now?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Yes. I just got served a couple hours ago. She had the server come over to the house while the kids were there. I took off running through the back yard (we all need some drama) and hung out for an hour. I guess she signed for the papers and left them on my computer. The complaint is pretty weak and factually incorrect. I guess I didn't have to worry after all.
> 
> So I guess I don't discuss any future arrangements in person and handle it all through the attorneys now?


I would....
Don't talk about anything except the kids.
Let your attorney do all the work


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well, you survived getting served. It's hard but part of the process. 

if you live together--you could talk face to face re: the children arrangement. If not, go through your lawyer.


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