# Insanity Continues



## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Ok- I am just beyond understanding now. Last evening our daughter was with my wife. I had plans to go out with a friend the fell through. So, I decide to go over to a Bar and grille to get some dinner and a beer and pass some time until ready for bed- as I hate being home alone now after my wife left to stay at her mothers 4 months ago. I recieve a call from our daughter at 9:15 as I was finishing dinner and she said- "Daddy- mom and I need grandma's number (my mother) because mom wants to call her and wish her happy birthday. This just took me back- my wife walks out on our marriage without any discussion and we are in complete limbo now- and she wants to call my mom on her birthday- did I miss something or am I just angry? My mother has nothing to say to her right now- she is so upset that my wife left without a word on why. Is my wife crazy?

Then, I needed to call my daughter back- my wife took the phone and blew up at me and sai" I know you are out with other women F****ing them. Can you even believe this? My wife left, and wont discuss our marriage or go to counseling; yet, she is now uypset I am out having dinner and a beer at a bar. What does everythong make of this- is this just insanity? I can't believe this. To boot, she then continues to tell me that she found out her friend from Chicago called me the other night (we talked for 2 hours) and she was flaming angry I discussed our marriage situation with her. Her friend called me- and she just found out we were separated after 4 months- my wife never told her! She was calling because she wants to see us get back together, wanted to see how I was doing, and wanted her and her husband (a pastor) to pray for me and our family. My wife said i have no boundaries (says this all the time) and says if you want a separation I'll give you a separation. What the hell is going on? help!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

She's confused. She doesn't feel any control over the situation. And you can't control how she reacts or feels.

I would consider not discussing the marriage or separation with mutual friends. It may prevent future arguments.

How often do you have contact?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Your wife is not well. I don't know about your mom -- it doesn't seem strange that she'd want to call on her birthday even though your mother is upset with her.

However, the paranoia about you being out with other women is not any different than her previous accusations. Remember, she isn't upset you went out. She thinks you are with other women.

Did you ask her upon what basis she has drawn this conclusion?

About the friend, well, that's not surprising.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I don't know what you currently do to handle these situations. Here at the forum, all we have to go on is how you present these circumstances - and based upon that we are left to fill in the blanks. From my perspective, your wife's behavior is extremely out of touch.

I suspect that the request for the daughter to call you had absolutely nothing to do with wishing your mother a happy birthday. Could be wrong. And if I am wrong, her wanting to call your mom to wish her a happy birthday under the circumstances is even more bizarre. 

I am hoping, or would suggest, that you do not enable her delusions by entertaining them, trying to engage her in conversation, or explaining anything to her when she is in a 'state'. Short, unemotional responses is your best course of action. 

Have you had a conversation with your daughter about how she feels when she is with mom? Does mom pump her for information? Does she feel safe? etc.
Do you have concerns about the impact of your wife's behavior on your daughter? You may want to address this issue with your daughter's therapist to help facilitate and keep your emotions or bias in check.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

WP all good advice here - listen to these guys...stop engaging with the mad stuff - stay calm rational and detched where possible - and start protecting your daughter through the avenues of professional support as well...and WP you keep on asking 
"is this crazy?" and we keep on saying YES...
I am not saying don't keep on asking... 
you have to in order to process - but I am now looking for some signs from you that the message is sinking in and you are taking some steps to address it...


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Might be some good insight:

Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life


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