# A little advice for the healing process



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

I know one of the best advices is to keep a journal, write everything you feel to let it all out. From experience, I can say that at the beginning of the separation my self-stem was not there anymore, I felt that I wasn't good enough and I believe it's common for the majority of those left behind.

See, I felt i wasn't intelligent enough, good looking enough, a complete failure, and that was a shocker because pretty much all my life I've always been a pretty confident person. I have reached the majority of the goals, and I'm just 28. Then why did I feel that way??? 

I began to wonder why I felt like a failure at that exact moment, and tried to remember what it was like in the past, what was my drive, and I started writing about all those beautiful and of course sad moments in my life and it really helped. 

That's my advice:*Write about your life, and you will see that you have been in predicaments like this before and you came out victorious or at least not crazy or dead. You are not unattractive, dumb, a failure like you feel in this moment but there has been successes in your life as well, life is like that full of ups and downs. "Experience is not what happens to you, is what you do with what happens to you."*

After you have realized how much you have lived your life, it will, at least that's what did to me, help you to cease the feeling of failure. A lot of people divorce, and I mean A LOT, even important scientists (did you know Einstein was a divorcee? one the brightest minds of our times, some may say the brightest divorced once), also actors, even pastors divorce. It could happen to anybody. 

I am not saying that since everybody does it we should too, but *my point is to say that your life should NOT be defined by your marriage or in this case your divorce, but by what you do in life before, during and after. *


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Totally agree. Just posted this elsewhere.

I wrote a bio of my time with my wife, from the time I first saw her to the time we separated. It helped me put things in perspective and get all my thoughts about our times together on paper. Occasionally I re read it. It helped me "compartmentalise” our time together with respect to my life so far as a whole and helped me close that chapter of my life.

Bob


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Yeah, pretty much I can say that's sorta what closed the chapter on my 5-month depression. Not only writing about the relationship with my wife but writing about my life as a whole. I realized that although I am a flawed human being like everybody else, I have tried my best to stay on the right pad, and I know there is a bright future ahead for both of us, on separate roads but bright, and that makes me so happy.

I have started to make plans, life changing plans that will help me to turn my life around, and I know they will. I have done a lot of things lately that I didn't feel like doing when I was depressed, I can say that cloud that was over my head for months, is finally going away and the sun is shinning once again 

There is life after divorce my friends, just stay, do all you can to try to cope and it will happen. Nothing lasts forever, and depression is one of them.


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