# Are all men wolves?



## sammie11 (Oct 13, 2017)

I have posted about my abusive husband. I left him less than 2 months ago. I'm still in the throes of early separation, in my mind. Well, I'm a bit stunned because I thought...well, here I am, not even 30 years old and three YOUNG kids, I will be alone for many years or forever. I'm fine with that, too! I mentioned to a friend(ish)/more of a coworker that I have split up and need more work to support my kids alone. I'm a freelancer and I need other freelancers to get jobs, he is one that I work with occasionally. This is a man I've felt particularly comfortable with because he has never put off creeper vibes...comfortable because of the utter lack of sexual tension, we never talked about much of anything, just got work done very professionally. Long story short, he totally changed his attitude towards me when I said I left my husband. He hit on me instantly. In a way I'm glad to know that men are still interested when you are divorced and have kids, then at the same time...I got married at 19, never really had to deal with the dating scene, and now I am a little overwhelmed by this new experience. Are they all just thinking of getting laid?? All my experiences with men (father to husband) have been disappointing. It just surprises me that someone who seems well grounded hits on a friend(ish), not even close friend at all, even while knowing that she is going through the most intense part of a divorce after 10 years of marriage. He called again tonight but I didn't pick up. It seems like...a little vulture-like to me. Disappointing ): What are yall's experiences of post divorce getting hit on or getting back in the dating pool?


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Maybe he thought you told him about your break-up because you want him to hit on you?

Are you interested? If not, may be best to let him know you're interested in a working relationship only instead of letting him pursue you when he's got no chance.

And yeah, I wouldn't call them wolves but nine out of ten men that show interest in you are just looking to get laid IMO/experience.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

VibrantWings said:


> *Maybe he thought you told him about your break-up because you want him to hit on you?*
> 
> Are you interested? If not, may be best to let him know you're interested in a working relationship only instead of letting him pursue you when he's got no chance.
> 
> And yeah, I wouldn't call them wolves but nine out of ten men that show interest in you are just looking to get laid IMO/experience.


I agree with the bolded part, but don't lump all men together. Although I could have slept around prior marriage, I did not. If I were to get divorced/widowed, I would not sleep around. To me, sex builds such a bond, I wouldn't want to jump from bed to bed. 

Although I have also been told I am boring, so maybe women just want to screw around as well??? (if we're gonna lump genders together)


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> I agree with the bolded part, but don't lump all men together. Although I could have slept around prior marriage, I did not. If I were to get divorced/widowed, I would not sleep around. To me, sex builds such a bond, I wouldn't want to jump from bed to bed.
> 
> Although I have also been told I am boring, so maybe women just want to screw around as well??? (if we're gonna lump genders together)


If you aren't the type that screws around, then you wouldn't be in the group mentioned aka men that hit on her. Easy distinction in my mind. 

Sorry if I offended you...


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

VibrantWings said:


> If you aren't the type that screws around, then you wouldn't be in the group mentioned aka men that hit on her. Easy distinction in my mind.
> 
> Sorry if I offended you...


None taken :smile2:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I don't know. Maybe he has always been really into you but was respectful of your marriage. Now that it's over he sees his chance. Give it some time once you are over you husband you will be happy we are like wolves. Lots of women are and are the same way. Male sexuality is isn't necessarily a bad thing just because it seem foreign or scary to you right now, plenty of single people are out there hooking up and seem to be enjoying themselves. Never been my thing but it doesn't make all men creeps. 

One things for sure I am willing to bet money he doesn't look like George Clooney.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> And yeah, I wouldn't call them wolves but nine out of ten men that show interest in you are just looking to get laid IMO/experience.


Sad to say that this has been my experience also, which would be fine if they were honest about what they're after however they are not.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Ol’ Arb only screws around with one woman and one woman only ~ the woman who I am richly in love with and who unselfishly reciprocates that love right back to me!
*


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Maybe he has always been really into you but was respectful of your marriage. Now that it's over he sees his chance.


This is a good point. If he was a wolf, he would have had no respect for your marriage and hit on you while you were still married. Maybe he's not so bad. Take it slow. Every man will take what is offered to him, but will not consider you to be long-term relationship material if you offer it too easily.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't consider a man a wolf just for hitting on me.

This guy may be one, sure....hard to say.

If it made you feel uncomfortable at all, then he misread or assumed a lot that he shouldn't have, but that doesn't necessarily make him a wolf. 

Did you make it clear you are not interested? It would be very easy to say "hey friend...I'm actually not in a great place at all and can't even consider flirting with or dating anyone, so please respect that".


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Red Sonja said:


> Sad to say that this has been my experience also, which would be fine if they were honest about what they're after however they are not.


You guys act like there are not ladies doing exactly the same thing now a days. This isn't the 50s anymore. Hookup culture is universal.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I don't consider expressing interest in and/or flirting with a newly single lady you're acquainted with to be wolf like behavior. Are some men looking for sex? Yes. Probably most of them. That doesn't mean that sex is all they're looking for, though.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My advise about getting back into the dating pool, wait until you are divorced at least, and then leave it a year or two longer till you have had time to heal and get back on your feet. It was 4 years for me before I felt emotionally ready to think of another man. Like you I had three children, although mine were older than yours, teenagers, and to be honest I didnt have the time or energy to date for ages. 

No not all men are wolves, far from it, I know loads of lovely decent men who treat women with respect. 

Just make it clear that you are not interested.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> I don't consider expressing interest in and/or flirting with a newly single lady you're acquainted with to be wolf like behavior. Are some men looking for sex? Yes. Probably most of them. That doesn't mean that sex is all they're looking for, though.


Also...what's wrong with looking for sex? I mean, simply doing that doesn't make a person a wolf (male or female). Like you said that doesn't mean it is all they are looking for necessarily....but what if it was? That's just life. Some people want sex but not a relationship. That doesn't make them a wolf necessarily, either.

OP, if he acted creepy about it, then of course you were creeped out. But even being creepy doesn't make him a wolf necessarily.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Also...what's wrong with looking for sex? I mean, simply doing that doesn't make a person a wolf (male or female). Like you said that doesn't mean it is all they are looking for necessarily....but what if it was? That's just life. Some people want sex but not a relationship. That doesn't make them a wolf necessarily, either.
> 
> OP, if he acted creepy about it, then of course you were creeped out. But even being creepy doesn't make him a wolf necessarily.


Oh, believe me, I have no problem with men and women out looking for just sex. God bless em, every one. And while He's blessing em, maybe He could do some whiggy-woo to make em honest about it! Far too many pretend to want more and break unwary hearts.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Oh, believe me, I have no problem with men and women out looking for just sex. God bless em, every one. And while He's blessing em, maybe He could do some whiggy-woo to make em honest about it! Far too many pretend to want more and break unwary hearts.


Yes I didn't word my post very well and it sounded like I was suggesting you had a problem with it....I was actually just agreeing with you.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

sammie11 said:


> I have posted about my abusive husband. I left him less than 2 months ago. I'm still in the throes of early separation, in my mind. Well, I'm a bit stunned because I thought...well, here I am, not even 30 years old and three YOUNG kids, I will be alone for many years or forever. I'm fine with that, too! I mentioned to a friend(ish)/more of a coworker that I have split up and need more work to support my kids alone. I'm a freelancer and I need other freelancers to get jobs, he is one that I work with occasionally. This is a man I've felt particularly comfortable with because he has never put off creeper vibes...comfortable because of the utter lack of sexual tension, we never talked about much of anything, just got work done very professionally. Long story short, he totally changed his attitude towards me when I said I left my husband. He hit on me instantly. In a way I'm glad to know that men are still interested when you are divorced and have kids, then at the same time...I got married at 19, never really had to deal with the dating scene, and now I am a little overwhelmed by this new experience. Are they all just thinking of getting laid?? All my experiences with men (father to husband) have been disappointing. It just surprises me that someone who seems well grounded hits on a friend(ish), not even close friend at all, even while knowing that she is going through the most intense part of a divorce after 10 years of marriage. He called again tonight but I didn't pick up. It seems like...a little vulture-like to me. Disappointing ): What are yall's experiences of post divorce getting hit on or getting back in the dating pool?



What does ‘being a wolf’ mean? You mean pursuing a woman is being a wolf? Or being inconsidered to her situation? (Recently widowed, or just broke up after long term relationship etc). 
I have only ever pursued one woman (married to her now) when I was 16. It’s like something went off in me and I couldn’t stop it until I had her. But I don’t think i did it against her will...
It seems to me that you have the power to control the situation if you wanted to...perhaps he got the wrong signal when you told him about your breakup? It’s easy to rectify the situation.
If men are like wolves, women are like spiders: they can lure you in and decapitate your heart 




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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

As much as all women are gold diggers!

Its a broad brush we paint with.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

sokillme said:


> You guys act like there are not ladies doing exactly the same thing now a days. This isn't the 50s anymore. *Hookup culture is universal*.


That may be however I do not want any part of it. All I am saying is be upfront about what you (universal "you") are seeking so you are not preying on others to get what you want.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm glad you got away from your ex, but why did you tell this other man? It was none of his business.

It sounds like you thought he'd just be a sympathetic ear like before.

I'm sorry, but most men aren't like that, and I'm not at all saying anything against their character or blasting men. I'm usually defending them. 

You want a friend? Find a woman. Many men will hold some element of attraction to you, if they constantly interact with you. This is by design. 

When I was divorced and it became public knowledge (no longer wore my rings and took pictures down from my desk), my entire office floor of 90% men were suddenly all concerned about me and some became very flirtatious.

They're not wolves, they're men, and they think they can treat you better than your ex. It may not be attention that you want, but it's natural for them to feel the way they do. Please don't mentally punish them for not being what you expect. That's why I say, befriend a wholesome woman if you want support emotionally. 

As much as I know some posters disagree with my opinion, I feel that men and women can't be friends, for the precise reason you mention. Men are almost always, at some level, attracted to you if they enjoy spending time with you. And thank the universe for this quality or I would have missed the opportunity to get to know my current husband. 

In rare cases here, posters will say they have OS friendships with solid boundaries, and I'm not going to dispute someone else's experience, but I do feel strongly that it's not the norm.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

Honestly if I had some guy tell me he was newly single I would assume he was telling me because he was interested in me.

Why would you tell him otherwise? (He's not a close friend and you work together)


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Satya said:


> When I was divorced and it became public knowledge (no longer wore my rings and took pictures down from my desk), my entire office floor of 90% men were suddenly all concerned about me and some became very flirtatious.
> 
> They're not wolves, they're men, and they think they can treat you better than your ex. It may not be attention that you want, but it's natural for them to feel the way they do. Please don't mentally punish them for not being what you expect.


There is no way I would tolerate this type of behavior in a work environment. It is unprofessional, they may be "men" but they can control themselves. Same for women who use work as a "hunting ground".


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Red Sonja said:


> There is no way I would tolerate this type of behavior in a work environment. It is unprofessional, they may be "men" but they can control themselves. Same for women who use work as a "hunting ground".


No argument from me about the environment being inappropriate, but that unfortunately doesn't deter a lot of bad things that we know can and do happen...

She could certainly bring it to HR. 

I just think the relationship (friendship) is inappropriate, only because she seems to be looking for a certain kind of support from the wrong source.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

LaReine said:


> Honestly if I had some guy tell me he was newly single I would assume he was telling me because he was interested in me.
> 
> Why would you tell him otherwise? (He's not a close friend and you work together)
> 
> ...


I thought that she did it to give a reason for needing more freelance work. She probably could have left that bit out.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

growing_weary said:


> I thought that she did it to give a reason for needing more freelance work. She probably could have left that bit out.




I get that. I am speaking as the person being told 


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

She said she was surprised he hit on her when they weren’t even close friends.
That’s exactly why he hit on her,because they weren’t close friends.
If I was single and a woman told me she was single I would assume she was hitting on me,as would most women if the genders were reversed.
As for being a wolf,they hunt in packs.
I always hunted alone. 🐺


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## sammie11 (Oct 13, 2017)

Yea. Maybe I overshared. I certainly wasn't looking for someone to be a compassionate listener. It's more that I'm a little frantic and panicking about providing for my kids...long story. Pretty much I've stayed mostly home with my kids, per my ex-husbands preference. I am a musician, we rely on other musicians to keep a stable income and get jobs. There is no HR (lol...if only!) This guy is just one of many who has been in my circle of people I call on when I need help with a gig and he calls on when he needs help with a gig. I've made it abundantly clear with him and others like him that I prefer to keep my work schedule slim, which is a big problem now. Now I find myself having to support myself and children alone and all the world knows me as a stay-home mom who doesn't like to take side gigs. I told this guy, "I am trying to get as much work in the next few months, before summer, as I can. I have recently split up with my husband and now I need to provide for my kids alone." Bummer that men have to hear everything in the context of what it might mean for them sexually. 
What would you all suggest I say to others out there like him? "I need tons more work". They will ask be wondering "What happened with being stay home mother? She used to turn down gigs....she used to avoid duo gigs with men like the plague..."
Just sucks.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I can see it as having been a guy hitting on you because he thought you were available. Nothing special about you, just the nearest target.

OR

Maybe he has always been attracted to you but never said anything because you were married. That now he sees you are getting divorced he was desperate to try to make a connection with you before you found someone else. 


Its difficult to tell from the outside, but your gut is probably sending you the right message whatever it is.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

sokillme said:


> You guys act like there are not ladies doing exactly the same thing now a days. This isn't the 50s anymore. Hookup culture is universal.



I didn't "act" like anything. I have no argument about what you say...it's just that I don't date women so hence, I was giving my viewpoint in answer to a question about men....because that's who I date/screw/marry. :smthumbup:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maybe your just hot?😁


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

VibrantWings said:


> Maybe he thought you told him about your break-up because you want him to hit on you?
> 
> Are you interested? If not, may be best to let him know you're interested in a working relationship only instead of letting him pursue you when he's got no chance.
> 
> And yeah, I wouldn't call them wolves but *nine out of ten men that show interest in you are just looking to get laid *IMO/experience.


Um, why, my Dear,?
Such a low number as this?

Creepiness aside, this is the charter of all men. 
And it is one charter that most hold to heart.
Hold too hard. To hard.....:surprise:

Here's the thing:

He was polite and business like when you were married. That is a plus.
Once separated and soon divorced, rightfully becomes a green light.
Not a knock on him. Only on his clumsiness, his lack of compassion.
You were always on his mind.

The thing is: He needed to get his claws in, he did not want other men to win you over before he had a chance.
These things, male/female mating/coupling....it is subject to chance, subject to opportunity. The right person at the right place and time....wins.

He wants you. Not a crime. It is a compliment. 
Obviously, he has not a chance. 
Thank him for his interest, but tell him no thanks. I am happy being your co-worker and work friend and that is all.

If he gets pushy, then he must be put in his place more firmly.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

sammie11 said:


> What would you all suggest I say to others out there like him? "I need tons more work". They will ask be wondering "What happened with being stay home mother? She used to turn down gigs....she used to avoid duo gigs with men like the plague..."
> Just sucks.


I'd suggest that you act like a full-fledged woman re-entering the workplace. Do you have your CV updated, do you have business cards? Are you going to job fairs and networking events in your field? Are you on LinkedIn?

There's a world of difference between telling a guy you know "I'm looking for work" and building up a professional network. Even handing a guy your business card has a better air of formality about it.

You're focused on how people who know you (and have known you) perceive you. Well, then you work to actively change the perception with your actions. Behave like a woman already busy in a great job. Keep in action and people will notice the energy. And keep the topic to business. If a guy makes the topic more personal, just say, "I see you're not interested in helping me in my search. This is very important to me and is my main focus right now. Thanks and bye."


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Satya said:


> I'd suggest that you act like a full-fledged woman re-entering the workplace. Do you have your CV updated, do you have business cards? Are you going to job fairs and networking events in your field? Are you on LinkedIn?
> 
> There's a world of difference between telling a guy you know "I'm looking for work" and building up a professional network. Even handing a guy your business card has a better air of formality about it.
> 
> You're focused on how people who know you (and have known you) perceive you. Well, then you work to actively change the perception with your actions. Behave like a woman already busy in a great job. Keep in action and people will notice the energy. And keep the topic to business.* If a guy makes the topic more personal, just say, "I see you're not interested in helping me in my search.* This is very important to me and is my main focus right now. Thanks and bye."


This is so true...

Some men do not listen. So driven are they by the Wolf within.

Most can be forgiven.
But, never the Martian.:smcowboy:

God Bless Wolves that are on Your' team.
They drive off the other' packs that want 'more than your love'.
The other' packs want your life.
Your' life extinguished.


Your' Wolves:
They stand on the Wall.
They stand on the Wall and Howl.

This is mine, this is my due.
This is my women, my house, my land.

It will not be the sheep that save you from harm.
It will be the Wolves on the Wall.
The Wolves on the Wall that save your' dear farm.

Just Sayin'


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