# where is this going?



## RokChik88 (Jul 24, 2014)

I posted last week about finding my husband talking to a girl on webcam and planned on meeting her for sex. She inevitably ended up being a scam artist and tried blackmailing him for more money. If you didn't read I'll explain. He said he was on porn and hot bored, somehow this girl wrote him on Skype and he went to her webcam page, signed up for accounts and used my cc to pay ALL while I was in bed after a pretty depressing day. Eventually it moved to Facebook and he sent her his own pictures and they exchanged addresses after she stated she lived in our town (she must have traced his IP address and actually sent him a picture of a house right down the street saying it was hers) my husband being a dumbass believed this and made advances saying he would met her there before work and have sex with her. He actually drove there and sat asking her if it was her house before realizing he was dupped
She began saying if he didn't western union her money she would call the police tell them he raped her and then actually sent his pictures to me and numerous people on his FB.
To try to cover up he called me and woke me up saying he was hacked when he was sending me a naked picture and me being groggy after being woken up had no clue what was up. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until I went to his Facebook and seen EVERYTHING! I was brokenhearted and pissed. We had some issues before with porn, him talking to another girl on words with friends and an emotional affair with a coworker which he states he didn't know was happening until she started getting too chummy at work and I said something. I mean since then were having sex constantly, seemed happy besides our little fights about money and his habit of not helping me around the house or with our 2 small children. But I didn't know he was doing this. I kicked him out, no excuses I told him to leave because I wasn't going to put up with this behavior again. It was disrespectful and in my eyes an intention to cheat. 
He stayed at friends refusing to stay at his moms because he was afraid of what she would say. I wanted him to go there so she would kick him in the ass too knowing that his dad did the same thing to her but instead he chose to stay at friends that have a brand new baby and brought them in. They told him he was stupid and make this right.
After a couple days I told him to come home but he was going to be on a short leash and he started kissing my ass I knew was wrong but I allowed it. He took me and our kids shopping and has been cleaning and helping with everything. Part of me felt it was payback for me giving him everything all the time and never doing things for myself also I am a stay at home mother and am frazzled. Love my boys to death and would do anything for them but I neglected myself and my time so I took it when I could get it last week. Anyways I have been trying to be a better person and move on for the good of my children showing them to love no matter what happens. We go to marriage counseling tomorrow and he is dreading it. He is afraid I will see he is a bad person and divorce him. He isn't a bad person just very dumb, and I want him to see I am in love with him and will do anything... Even if that means trying new things that he seems to find on his porn. Sorry that sounds bad but you know what I mean. In an end note, last night I came across his email and found he had signed up for dating websites a month before all this went down. He had pictures of himself and had topics marked stating he was looking. It was like last week all over again. I broke down and confronted him. It shows it wasn't a one time thing and he knows he is still in the doghouse. Has anyone been in this situation does it get better? Does a third person listening help. I just don't know where to go from here. Fool me once shame on him, fool me twice im the idiot. Thanks for sticking with me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Why did you marry him if you knew he was very dumb?


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## RokChik88 (Jul 24, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Why did you marry him if you knew he was very dumb?


Lets reword this. When we were younger we had or backgrounds. When we decided to get together we realized we were inseparable and didn't need anyone else. We wanted a future together do we got married and here we are 6 years later. None of these things happened until about a year in when I became pregnant. He said I was neglecting him
... My response to that you may ask? Bull****! I was pregnant in college and running a home
I seen it as a mistake and as being dumb. The fact that he keeps falling back shows me he either has an addiction or is really truly stupid and has some underlying issues. When I said my vows I meant them and I'll try to fix my marriage before just throwing it away. Trust me I'm not saying I will stay if he keeps **** up. I will leave but I have to try first. Right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

He tried to hook up with a chick who he believed lived down the street. If she was real he would have done it.

Lot of people wouldn't try anymore at this point. You meant your marital vows but he sure didn't.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband is doing what a lot of men (and women) do these days... he's using the internet to find easy ways to cheat. He's doing it instead of working on himself and his marriage.

Can this be fixed? Yes if he's willing to work on himself and stop this nonsense. But it will take time to know if he is going to do that.

Here is a site that might help with his porn and online cheating ..
Tools For Change: Recovery from Porn Addiction | Your Brain On Porn

Make sure that this counselor knows how to deal with this kind of problem. 

You might need to put a key logger on his computer and cell phone. Part of the agreement for him staying can be that he allows this and he never deletes the keyloggers. A good one is webwatcher. It can on both devices and send the key log and screen shots to a website where you can see what he's doing. 

Its not so much that you need to monitor him, but that he needs to feel that his phone and computer use are not private.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

By the way, you do know that there is a high probably that he's been cheating on you and only got caught this one time. You know that right? Does he hang out much on craigslist?

Both of you need to get STD tests.


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## leslie2 (Apr 21, 2014)

ahh I am so sorry that it happened to you... my husband was doing similar stuff for a long time and I had absolutely no idea... when I got on him and start snooping I was overwhelmed with what I found out....If I were u I would check all those sex/dating sites cause he probably has a profile there too... and yes also my husband is a "wonderful man just dumb"... he admitted that he is weak and he knows he has a problem... ofc I forgave him after he cried, promised bla bla but even though it has been like 3 months and we are trying to act like a loving awesome couple I get flashbacks and I dont trust him... Sometimes there is a reason why a man might look for sex outside of the marriage... and sometimes its just a selfish act and with that second option... thats just bad news for future....


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If nothing else, change your credit card numbers and block him from having access to them. 

Also see an attorney and make sure that the marital assets are documented and protected, and separate them as much as possible.

Then if your H is ridiculous enough to spend assets on his sideline interests and pursuits, you won't be paying for it. And if he runs up debt, it will remain his, forever or until he can pay it off.

You could even take him to court over unauthorized use if he has been properly notified that he is not to use your credit cards (and they are in your name only.)

Don't get dragged into his poor decisions by remaining in a position to pay for the consequences.

You might also want to make sure he has a separate computer and a separate internet account to use, because if he is looking at any underage stuff, your computer could end up in an evidence locker somewhere. 

Also, in addition to changing and securing your credit cards, you should enroll for credit / identity theft protection.

Check your credit record on line, and also if in US, your Social Security statement to make sure it matches your known and reported earnings from your tax records.

I would also put a security camera in your house. Just because now people know where he lives. 

Sorry this happened to you.


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