# help help help me please



## fatty (Apr 20, 2013)

hi everyone 

i am in need of some advice about my relationship. i found this forum while browsing the web, have read a few stories, and thought it would be a useful tool for me and am hoping that i can get some help from you wonderful wise people out there.

i am sorry for the long story that is ahead, i tried to cut it down but couldn't! please bare with it 

i am 24 years old, a full time student with a part time job. i weigh 98 kgs, and am currently on a quest to loose weight by going to the gym and eating healthy. 

my partner is 32 years old, with a full time job. he is very fit and does training on a regular basis. 

i have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for 5 months. we met at my place of work and have been together ever since. he is everything i have ever wanted in a man, and we are very much in love. i believe we are soul-mates, we have the same views on life, same sense of humor, etc. we have talked about eventually getting married and having children. our relationship progressed very quickly, however it felt very natural. we now live together and want to spend the rest of our lives together. 

that's a bit of a background about our relationship, now here comes the problem ... 

we have always had a difficult sex life. when we first met it was very exciting, we were having sex all the time. about 2 months into our relationship we started having interesting conversations about sex, attraction, self confidence, etc. he told me that he found slim girls very attractive, they turned him on and brought out the "sexual demon" in him. this comment took me by surprise, and stunned my self confidence a bit as i am not a slim girl. 

he told me he had a very high sex drive, and needed to have sex on a very regular basis. which was fine by me, as i have a healthy sex drive too. 

he also told me that he has a few insecurities about his own body and performance. his main goal with having sex was to pleasure me, and that if i had an orgasm he was satisfied. he quite often could not come, and it started to worry me. i became really self conscious and started feeling that my weight was turning him off big time. 

but as time went on, we got to learn each others bodies and what we liked for pleasure, and we were getting somewhere. we both enjoyed the sex, and we had sex on a regular basis, both of us being pleasured. 

a few weeks ago it started to fizzle out again ...... long story short, he told me that he was having trouble coming and he had started to picture me having sex with other guys to get him to come. 

i asked him if it was because of my weight and he said yes. he doesn't like fat girls and it really turned him off. 

then my sex drive disappeared. we had a talk last night and i told him that i did not feel like having sex with him because i thought that all he can see me as is a big, fat slob. it makes me feel very hurt and not attractive as a woman. that hurts me. 

he then told me that "im not sure if i want us to have sex". he said that i deserve a lot better, someone who will love my body for what it is. he said that he wants whats best for me, and he isn't sure that it is him anymore. he wants us to be together, but is not sure it is best for me.

i love him so much, and my heart is with him. i do not want to end our relationship and i know that he doesn't either. 

to which the conversation ended, i ended up in tears and feeling angry and we ended up going to sleep. 

and here i am now on this forum - we have not spoken about it today yet, as i am really not sure what to say. 

can you please please please help me, i need some advice on how to deal with this situation, maybe an insight into his mind, and what you guys think is going on ...... 

thank you so much


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## MeditMike80 (Dec 29, 2012)

fatty said:


> hi everyone
> 
> i am in need of some advice about my relationship. i found this forum while browsing the web, have read a few stories, and thought it would be a useful tool for me and am hoping that i can get some help from you wonderful wise people out there.
> 
> ...


I know you love him and blah blah blah, but he flat out told you he's not attracted to you. He didn't even try to white lie it by asking you to loose weight for your own health. Good for you for starting to loose weight, but do you really want to be with someone who said you turn him off and doesn't want to have sex with you? There are plenty of guys out there who will look past the weight issue, especially since you're working to loose it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sounds like you and he are both conflicted about that fact that your weight is not attractive to him. The problem is, he can't necessarily help it any more than you can help what you're attracted to. Sure it may seem shallow but pretty much anything regarding attraction can be painted as shallow.

It does sound like you losing weight is one thing that has to happen for the relationship to last. I mean he can love you to death but if he can't get it up then you and he will both be unfulfilled.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

First....no such thing as soul mates. 

Second....he's just not into you anymore. 

Let it go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imhopeless (Dec 18, 2012)

What attracted him to you in the first place?

If you are trying to lose weight, and he is not supportive, then maybe you should move on. You will always feel that pressure of not being good enough for him. That's not a healthy and fulfilling relationship.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

This is not a man for you. He played or he does not know what he wants. Or he has someone else now and is using your weight as an excuse. When you decided to live together he knew your weight but he was talking about how he likes slim girls! Now you are together and he wants you to have sex with other men to satisfy him!! Something is wrong with him. He does not respect you and does not love you. He told you that he does not want to have sex with you!! He does not want you, otherwise he would tell you, " honey I want to support you so that you can lose weight", He does not want you. I am not discouraging you , i know you have good feelings for him, but move on, you will find a good guy.


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## Lionlady (Sep 12, 2012)

Fleur de Cactus said:


> This is not a man for you. He played or he does not know what he wants. Or he has someone else now and is using your weight as an excuse. When you decided to live together he knew your weight but he was talking about how he likes slim girls! Now you are together and he wants you to have sex with other men to satisfy him!! Something is wrong with him. He does not respect you and does not love you. He told you that he does not want to have sex with you!! He does not want you, otherwise he would tell you, " honey I want to support you so that you can lose weight", He does not want you. I am not discouraging you , i know you have good feelings for him, but move on, you will find a good guy.


He's an ass. It wasnt like you were skinny when you met and gained weight. He liked you well enough at first so this is all on him. If you are not a naturally skinny woman you may lose weight but then gain it back. In fact, that's pretty likely. So why would you want to be with someone who doesn't like your natural shape? Honestly I think it's rotten for him to have gotten involved with you in the first place if he knew he only wanted a slim woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

I agree with all the good advices that Mrs. Fatty are getting here. Mrs. Fatty, please listen to them.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dump him.

Someone who will get into a relationship with someone who they aren't attracted to has problems you don't even want to know about.

He's already setting you up for a cuckold situation with "Fantasizing about you with other men"


If he's not attracted to you what "use" does he have for you?

There are no such things as "Soulmates" and you're blinding yourself to your real situation by using such terminology.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

“He is everything I ever wanted” I want you to look back when you met him . He was charming, however he showed you mixed signals. He pretended to love you but told you that he likes slim girls! That was a warning sign! Now he is devaluating you! Your are not what he likes, he wants you to have sex with other men to make him happy. He thinks he owns you and can use you for anything he wants. This guy is a narcissist. He does not think of anyone else but himself.


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