# OLD overwhelming



## AliceA

I'm giving online dating a bit of a shot, since there aren't many single men my age in my circles. Just wondering how other ladies have felt about it? I'm finding it very overwhelming. I can't jump on without being bombarded by messages. I was trying to stay open to possibilities, but it's getting too much. I physically don't have time to meet all these people and I get the feeling they think women just want to chat forever. That's not the case! I just don't want to go on a date every fricken day! I've got so much work to do, the thought of all that time spent drinking coffee/whatever stresses me out.

Can someone tell me how they handled it?


----------



## Elizabeth001

I keep my profile hidden and only reach out to the men I find interesting enough to bother with 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## AliceA

Elizabeth001 said:


> I keep my profile hidden and only reach out to the men I find interesting enough to bother with
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Maybe that would have been a better way to go. I think I should start over. Might have to choose a different app, or maybe just stick with the single life. I was enjoying being single. I thought it'd be good to get out of my comfort zone, but it's very uncomfortable, lol.

I see there are a lot of lonely guys out there.


----------



## oldtruck

So are you bragging that you look to hot?

It is called ignore us men. In real life a man looks for clues if a woman wants him to
approach her.

OLD is a clue to approach you.

As in real life when a man approaches you that you are not interested you would 
shut him down. So on OLD you just ignore.

Poor girl, tis, tis, she too many men wanting to date her, sob, sob.:grin2:


----------



## Spicy

oldtruck said:


> So are you bragging that you look to hot?
> 
> It is called ignore us men. In real life a man looks for clues if a woman wants him to
> approach her.
> 
> OLD is a clue to approach you.
> 
> As in real life when a man approaches you that you are not interested you would
> shut him down. So on OLD you just ignore.
> 
> Poor girl, tis, tis, she too many men wanting to date her, sob, sob.:grin2:


I had no pictures on mine but felt the same way as she does! It is overwhelming. 
I tried to narrow down from their profiles the ones that I was most likely interested in meeting and then talking to them. 

So like, if you want him to have kids or no kids. Be a professional or blue collar worker. His age. Distance from you. Etc.


----------



## lucy999

Girl it is a full time job with mandatory overtime!!!! 

Don't feel obligated to answer every email/reach out from men. Be choosy.

I had a rule of no more than X days of "chatting" before a meeting IRL. (I can't recall it was so long ago-1 or 2 weeks I think.) Alot of dudes just wanted to sext. Nope.

I met my now H online. Been together for 7+ years, married a year October 15. 

Good luck. It can be a turgid ****show if you let it. Have fun.


----------



## notmyjamie

I was completely overwhelmed by all the messages as well. I looked at the profiles to see if I thought we'd be compatible in our interests and lifestyles. I rejected all the guys whose profiles indicated they had something about them I had no interest in, ie. smokers. No offense to smokers but I have horrible asthma so I'm never going to date one. 

I read their messages...I immediately rejected certain ones like "Hey baby...I could be the one to save you" <--actual message I got. 

In the end, I responded to a couple guys. I ended up only meeting one guy in person. His original messages were normal, not too much, and easygoing. His profile indicated he had many similar interests than me, and quite honestly, he had beautiful eyes. We met for coffee and one hour turned into 3 hours. And one coffee date has now turned into 3 1/2 months of dating. Where it will go from here is anybody's guess but I'm having a blast with him so I hope it continues for quite a while. 

Good luck!!!!


----------



## Lila

I have friends who say that it's usually a flood of interest at the beginning but given enough time, the messaging/likes/interest slows down. 

I have one friend who activates her accounts with minimal information and no pics, then let's it sit there for a few weeks to allow the app to stop showing her as "new". She puts up pics and fills out the profile after a couple of weeks. 

If you don't like having to deal with the deluge, try Bumble where women have to reach out first.


----------



## Diana7

Make sure its not an international one, just more local to you. Also can you show that you only want to meet a guy in say a 10 mile radius? Also be very specific about what you are looking for and that may well put many off. For example if you put on that you are not interested in one night stands, that may well stop the flood. Don't go on ones like tinder either. 

I only went on Christian sites and was in my mod 40's so the choice was far far more limited and you don't get that flood of people unless you are a good looking man,(like my son, he had LOADS of contacts on the Christian site he went on and is happily married to the first lady who contacted him!), because there are far less men there. Believe me, you would not be flooded there. lol. 

It is a commitment though. I was on sites for 2 years, I did get to know quite a few decent men, only met up with 4 though and the last one is now my husband of 14 years.

I also agree with what has been said, to meet up sooner rather than later if you like someone. I met my now husband after 4 days of first contact. We only lived 40 min's drive apart.


----------



## AliceA

Thanks ladies, I've implemented some of the changes suggested. Checked my criteria settings (ugh, I'd forgotten to look and left them as default, lol). I've hidden my profile for now, at least until things die down. I'm going to get choosier with who I respond to. I don't like it if they don't have anything written on their profile, or if it paints them as arrogant (omg, I read one that made me cringe), dismissive/uninterested or negative about women (surprisingly this seems to happen, even though it's obviously self defeating).

I feel like I've been clear about what I'm looking for. I don't think half of them even read profiles as so many write something like, "does anyone even read this anyway" in their own... um, yes actually.

I've noticed that I can go on a date and learn a great deal about a guy, and he still knows stuff all about me at the end. I don't think it's because I have a problem with talking about myself. I feel like I have really good give and take interactions with people in other areas of my life. It just occurred to me as I wrote this, that my ex made me feel like that too. Interesting.


----------



## Faithful Wife

oldtruck said:


> So are you bragging that you look to hot?
> 
> It is called ignore us men. In real life a man looks for clues if a woman wants him to
> approach her.
> 
> OLD is a clue to approach you.
> 
> As in real life when a man approaches you that you are not interested you would
> shut him down. So on OLD you just ignore.
> 
> Poor girl, tis, tis, she too many men wanting to date her, sob, sob.:grin2:


Poor men, ‘tis tis, they keep on messaging women they have no shot in hell with and keep expecting responses. 

Some men feel OLD is a “clue to approach you” even though in real life they would not have the nerve because they would know you wouldn’t give them the time of day. But for some reason on OLD they think somehow they will get past our main attraction filters.

Bwah ha ha!

Sorry. No.


----------



## farsidejunky

I think if I ever have to do this again, I would take a different approach.

I would spend money on professional quality photos. 

I would seek out help from people like FW and others (maybe even a pro) on reviewing the content of my profile for suggestions. 

Then, once the profile was built, I would not send a single initial message. I would reply to messages sent to me...but sending 100 message to receive 2-5 in return seems like a terrible ROI.

But then again, I would see OLD as a portion of a 'dating portfolio', to include in person meets, being set up by friends, etc.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound

Faithful Wife said:


> oldtruck said:
> 
> 
> 
> So are you bragging that you look to hot?
> 
> It is called ignore us men. In real life a man looks for clues if a woman wants him to
> approach her.
> 
> OLD is a clue to approach you.
> 
> As in real life when a man approaches you that you are not interested you would
> shut him down. So on OLD you just ignore.
> 
> Poor girl, tis, tis, she too many men wanting to date her, sob, sob.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
> 
> 
> 
> Poor men, ‘tis tis, they keep on messaging women they have no shot in hell with and keep expecting responses.
> 
> Some men feel OLD is a “clue to approach you” even though in real life they would not have the nerve because they would know you wouldn’t give them the time of day. But for some reason on OLD they think somehow they will get past our main attraction filters.
> 
> Bwah ha ha!
> 
> Sorry. No.
Click to expand...

I believe being in an online dating site is somewhat of a clue that one is interested in dating; therefore, that eliminates that mystery right away. In everyday life, one doesn’t always know if someone is interested in dating. 

In addition, how could a guy tell for sure that he had no shot with a woman just by some pics and a profile unless he asked? Maybe he could tell by how high her nose was in the air? 

I’ve never seen a woman that I was afraid to approach, and it’s not because I think I’m so darn handsome and great, but I guess i just view life differently. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly understand that physical attraction is a must for anyone, but who am I to know what someone else finds attractive unless I just resort to stereotypes, and I’m not one who thinks one person is above another just because of looks or whatever the case may be.


----------



## AliceA

Faithful Wife said:


> Poor men, ‘tis tis, they keep on messaging women they have no shot in hell with and keep expecting responses.
> 
> Some men feel OLD is a “clue to approach you” even though in real life they would not have the nerve because they would know you wouldn’t give them the time of day. But for some reason on OLD they think somehow they will get past our main attraction filters.
> 
> Bwah ha ha!
> 
> Sorry. No.


I made the mistake of responding to some because I thought, you never know, maybe they look better in person, I should keep an open mind, and they seem nice. I now realise that I'm just handing out false hope by meeting with guys who don't really appeal to me. If there was something, like the nice eyes mentioned before and an intriguing personality (to me that is) that would make me want to see them more, then I could work with that. Just being nice isn't enough.

I have some friends who ended up with men who some might say weren't quite in their league (sounds horrible I know, I don't mean it to be). But these guys were attractive in other ways and sort of came in under the radar :laugh: If they'd just walked straight up and asked for a date though, I doubt it would've happened.


----------



## Faithful Wife

southbound said:


> I believe being in an online dating site is somewhat of a clue that one is interested in dating; therefore, that eliminates that mystery right away. In everyday life, one doesn’t always know if someone is interested in dating.
> 
> In addition, how could a guy tell for sure that he had no shot with a woman just by some pics and a profile unless he asked? Maybe he could tell by how high her nose was in the air?
> 
> I’ve never seen a woman that I was afraid to approach, and it’s not because I think I’m so darn handsome and great, but I guess i just view life differently. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly understand that physical attraction is a must for anyone, but who am I to know what someone else finds attractive unless I just resort to stereotypes, and I’m not one who thinks one person is above another just because of looks or whatever the case may be.


It is quite well established that on dating sites, men always go for the hottest women and ignore the rest. Even though obviously not all men are the hottest men, they all go for the hottest women. This happens on every single site. I'm not pulling it out of thin air. 

If you saw the men in my in box, you would see clearly that most of them have no shot with me. Of course, that was before the newer apps where they can't even talk to you until you like them first. These are much easier apps for me to use. So these days, only guys who do actually have a shot with me are in my in box.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

southbound said:


> I believe being in an online dating site is somewhat of a clue that one is interested in dating; therefore, that eliminates that mystery right away. In everyday life, one doesn’t always know if someone is interested in dating.
> 
> In addition, how could a guy tell for sure that he had no shot with a woman just by some pics and a profile unless he asked? Maybe he could tell by how high her nose was in the air?
> 
> I’ve never seen a woman that I was afraid to approach, and it’s not because I think I’m so darn handsome and great, but I guess i just view life differently. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly understand that physical attraction is a must for anyone, but who am I to know what someone else finds attractive unless I just resort to stereotypes, and I’m not one who thinks one person is above another just because of looks or whatever the case may be.


I specifically would say in mine what I was looking for and what I didn't want and would get people outside of that message constantly. 

If a profile says no smokers, don't message them if you're a smoker. If they say looking for someone 25-35, don't message them if you're 40. 

And people can tell their basic type range. Don't shoot too far out of your range. 

Consider that every woman is getting dozens of men that say "hey" or "your hot" <-- with that spelling. The hotter they are, the more they get. 
Going for the smoking hot woman because you think you might have a shot is a waste of both of your time unless you are in the top % of looks too.


----------



## southbound

Faithful Wife said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> I believe being in an online dating site is somewhat of a clue that one is interested in dating; therefore, that eliminates that mystery right away. In everyday life, one doesn’t always know if someone is interested in dating.
> 
> In addition, how could a guy tell for sure that he had no shot with a woman just by some pics and a profile unless he asked? Maybe he could tell by how high her nose was in the air?
> 
> I’ve never seen a woman that I was afraid to approach, and it’s not because I think I’m so darn handsome and great, but I guess i just view life differently. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly understand that physical attraction is a must for anyone, but who am I to know what someone else finds attractive unless I just resort to stereotypes, and I’m not one who thinks one person is above another just because of looks or whatever the case may be.
> 
> 
> 
> If you saw the men in my in box, you would see clearly that most of them have no shot with me. Of course, that was before the newer apps where they can't even talk to you until you like them first. These are much easier apps for me to use. So these days, only guys who do actually have a shot with me are in my in box.
Click to expand...

Wow, you must be attractive beyond measure.


----------



## Faithful Wife

southbound said:


> Wow, you must be attractive beyond measure.


It's not an unusual occurrence. As also reported by the OP in the post above.


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> I think if I ever have to do this again, I would take a different approach.
> 
> I would spend money on professional quality photos.
> 
> I would seek out help from people like FW and others (maybe even a pro) on reviewing the content of my profile for suggestions.
> 
> Then, once the profile was built, I would not send a single initial message. I would reply to messages sent to me...but sending 100 message to receive 2-5 in return seems like a terrible ROI.
> 
> But then again, I would see OLD as a portion of a 'dating portfolio', to include in person meets, being set up by friends, etc.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


If I was providing advice to a male friend regarding his online profiles, I would suggest most of the same things you did except that I would recommend using good photos but not necessarily professional ones. I know it's a personal preference but I find professional photos way too sanitized and artificial. 

I would also encourage him to go ahead and send out the initial message. However, I would tell him to make sure to focus on only those profiles he was seriously interested in and to make sure those messages were personalized. One of the reasons why women ignore 99% of the messages is because the vast majority are impersonal and generally phishing. Most are either generic form letters or "Hi", neither of which shows actual interest. The woman receiving that message is thinking "he's sent that damn thing to probably ever woman on this site hoping that one will respond". It's the equivalent of the guy at the bar that hits on every woman that walks through the door regardless his interest.


----------



## Faithful Wife

farsidejunky said:


> I think if I ever have to do this again, I would take a different approach.
> 
> I would spend money on professional quality photos.
> 
> I would seek out help from people like FW and others (maybe even a pro) on reviewing the content of my profile for suggestions.
> 
> Then, once the profile was built, I would not send a single initial message. I would reply to messages sent to me...but sending 100 message to receive 2-5 in return seems like a terrible ROI.
> 
> But then again, I would see OLD as a portion of a 'dating portfolio', to include in person meets, being set up by friends, etc.


This is why guys like bumble, too. They don't send out any dead hits. They can't! They can only get messages from her first and therefore he at least knows she is attracted to him enough to reach out.

Also, NUMBER ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR MEN AND PROFILE PICTURES.......*no dead fish!*

Why do we even have to say this?


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> It is quite well established that on dating sites, men always go for the hottest women and ignore the rest. Even though obviously not all men are the hottest men, they all go for the hottest women. This happens on every single site. I'm not pulling it out of thin air.


True dat. 

I don't even discuss online dating with my guy friends anymore. It always ends up in an argument.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> If I was providing advice to a male friend regarding his online profiles, I would suggest most of the same things you did except that I would recommend using good photos but not necessarily professional ones. I know it's a personal preference but I find professional photos way too sanitized and artificial.
> 
> I would also encourage him to go ahead and send out the initial message. However, I would tell him to make sure to focus on only those profiles *he was seriously interested in* and to make sure those messages were personalized. One of the reasons why women ignore 99% of the messages is because the vast majority are impersonal and generally phishing. Most are either generic form letters or "Hi", neither of which shows actual interest. The woman receiving that message is thinking "he's sent that damn thing to probably ever woman on this site hoping that one will respond". It's the equivalent of the guy at the bar that hits on every woman that walks through the door regardless his interest.


To the bolded, this is a problem still because apparently men are only "serious" about the hottest women. So my advice would be to only send messages to women they would actually feel the nerve to approach in real life and ask for her number, based on outward appearances alone.

I get hundreds of rando messages but men almost never approach me in real life. It seems that in real life, men are pretty good at knowing who will respond positively. They don't take that risk without some kind of idea of his chance of not getting shut down. I don't see or hear women being asked out in person by dudes who have no chance.

But also....on OKC, I get lots and lots of very well written, very interesting and very personal messages from men who clearly poured over my profile and have very intelligent things to say....unfortunately, still from the ones who have no chance. So for me, if I'm hot for him, a "hello, how are you?" is all I need to get the conversation going. If I'm not hot for him, it is not going to matter that he is very smart and sweet and wrote me a thoughtful message.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> To the bolded, this is a problem still because apparently men are only "serious" about the hottest women. *So my advice would be to only send messages to women they would actually feel the nerve to approach in real life and ask for her number, based on outward appearances alone.*


That's a great way to word it.


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> It is quite well established that on dating sites, men always go for the hottest women and ignore the rest. Even though obviously not all men are the hottest men, they all go for the hottest women. This happens on every single site. I'm not pulling it out of thin air.
> 
> 
> 
> True dat.
> 
> I don't even discuss online dating with my guy friends anymore. It always ends up in an argument.
Click to expand...

That must indicate that OLD is not a great process if both sexes are at odds about what should happen on the sites. One of my issues is that it’s difficult to find a woman’s profile that seems real or gives a hint of what she’s like in her everyday life. It’s like they are all auditioning for an action movie. Everyone is into skydiving, travel, kayaking, mountain climbing, etc., and their pictures are all from their travels, as if that’s what they do every day. I wonder if they even have furniture in their homes; they don’t seem to have a lifestyle where they would ever use it. 

I also find it strange when women list their body type as “a few extra pounds,” but they only show headshots. So, women do some weird things on OLD too.


----------



## Faithful Wife

southbound said:


> That must indicate that OLD is not a great process if both sexes are at odds about what should happen on the sites. One of my issues is that it’s difficult to find a woman’s profile that seems real or gives a hint of what she’s like in her everyday life. It’s like they are all auditioning for an action movie. Everyone is into skydiving, travel, kayaking, mountain climbing, etc., and their pictures are all from their travels, as if that’s what they do every day. I wonder if they even have furniture in their homes; they don’t seem to have a lifestyle where they would ever use it.
> 
> I also find it strange when women list their body type as “a few extra pounds,” but they only show headshots. So, women do some weird things on OLD too.


Yes, I have heard lots and lots of horror stories about women online from the guys I've dated and others. No argument here!


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> That must indicate that OLD is not a great process if both sexes are at odds about what should happen on the sites. One of my issues is that it’s difficult to find a woman’s profile that seems real or gives a hint of what she’s like in her everyday life. It’s like they are all auditioning for an action movie. Everyone is into skydiving, travel, kayaking, mountain climbing, etc., and their pictures are all from their travels, as if that’s what they do every day. I wonder if they even have furniture in their homes; they don’t seem to have a lifestyle where they would ever use it.
> 
> I also find it strange when women list their body type as “a few extra pounds,” but they only show headshots. So, women do some weird things on OLD too.


 @southbound, take a look at the online dating thread. I posted a link to a video by a woman who claims to have "gamed" online dating.

I haven't posted an update to my personal thread but I decided two weeks ago to revive and revamp my match account that had been dormant since the beginning of this year. This time around I decided to be bluntly honest on my profile but wrapped in some self deprecating humor. One of the lines says pretty much what you mention above about kayaking, skydiving, marathon running, climbing, and travel. I said that I was a real person with real interests and dreams, looking for that special someone to cuddle up with on my back patio swing while listening to our favorite music.....except during football season during which time we would sit on the couch and watch the Saints kick ass. Kayaking, skydiving, marathon running, rock climbing, and traveling to exotic places sounds fun but it's not my passion. I have had more interest in my profile than I care to admit. And the interest is specifically directed at my honest responses. 

I recommend you follow the advice given on that video I linked on the online dating thread.


----------



## WorldsApart

Faithful Wife said:


> To the bolded, this is a problem still because apparently men are only "serious" about the hottest women. So my advice would be to only send messages to women they would actually feel the nerve to approach in real life and ask for her number, based on outward appearances alone.
> 
> I get hundreds of rando messages but men almost never approach me in real life. It seems that in real life, men are pretty good at knowing who will respond positively. They don't take that risk without some kind of idea of his chance of not getting shut down. I don't see or hear women being asked out in person by dudes who have no chance.
> 
> But also....on OKC, I get lots and lots of very well written, very interesting and very personal messages from men who clearly poured over my profile and have very intelligent things to say....unfortunately, still from the ones who have no chance. So for me, if I'm hot for him, a "hello, how are you?" is all I need to get the conversation going. If I'm not hot for him, it is not going to matter that he is very smart and sweet and wrote me a thoughtful message.


And that right there is exactly why men take the shotgun approach to OLD- because imagine sending dozens of well crafted emails, to get no response. How do we know you're "Hot for us"? We don't, and it gets old as hell putting effort into messages that are rarely even read, much less responded to.


----------



## Faithful Wife

WorldsApart said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> To the bolded, this is a problem still because apparently men are only "serious" about the hottest women. So my advice would be to only send messages to women they would actually feel the nerve to approach in real life and ask for her number, based on outward appearances alone.
> 
> I get hundreds of rando messages but men almost never approach me in real life. It seems that in real life, men are pretty good at knowing who will respond positively. They don't take that risk without some kind of idea of his chance of not getting shut down. I don't see or hear women being asked out in person by dudes who have no chance.
> 
> But also....on OKC, I get lots and lots of very well written, very interesting and very personal messages from men who clearly poured over my profile and have very intelligent things to say....unfortunately, still from the ones who have no chance. So for me, if I'm hot for him, a "hello, how are you?" is all I need to get the conversation going. If I'm not hot for him, it is not going to matter that he is very smart and sweet and wrote me a thoughtful message.
> 
> 
> 
> And that right there is exactly why men take the shotgun approach to OLD- because imagine sending dozens of well crafted emails, to get no response. How do we know you're "Hot for us"? We don't, and it gets old as hell putting effort into messages that are rarely even read, much less responded to.
Click to expand...

If you don’t get a response, she wasn’t hot for you. If you keep not getting responses, then you are shooting too high.

Yet men don’t take the info for what it is worth and continue shooting too high, which is clear in the statistics.

If men would shot gun a lot of women who are not just the hottest ones, they would have more luck. 

I don’t know why this is, but men seem to think they should only message and right swipe women who are much hotter than they are. I don’t understand why that makes any sense to them. Unless a guy has had regular luck across his lifetime in pulling super hot women, then he probably doesn’t give hotness at the level he is trying to get.

It should be an equal trade of hotness. If you are unable to assess your own hotness you’re going to keep shooting in the dark.


----------



## WorldsApart

Faithful Wife said:


> If you don’t get a response, she wasn’t hot for you. If you keep not getting responses, then you are shooting too high.
> 
> Yet men don’t take the info for what it is worth and continue shooting too high, which is clear in the statistics.
> 
> If men would shot gun a lot of women who are not just the hottest ones, they would have more luck.
> 
> I don’t know why this is, but men seem to think they should only message and right swipe women who are much hotter than they are. I don’t understand why that makes any sense to them. Unless a guy has had regular luck across his lifetime in pulling super hot women, then he probably doesn’t give hotness at the level he is trying to get.
> 
> It should be an equal trade of hotness. If you are unable to assess your own hotness you’re going to keep shooting in the dark.


So guys should only swipe right on the ones they're only sort of attracted to.


----------



## Faithful Wife

WorldsApart said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> If you don’t get a response, she wasn’t hot for you. If you keep not getting responses, then you are shooting too high.
> 
> Yet men don’t take the info for what it is worth and continue shooting too high, which is clear in the statistics.
> 
> If men would shot gun a lot of women who are not just the hottest ones, they would have more luck.
> 
> I don’t know why this is, but men seem to think they should only message and right swipe women who are much hotter than they are. I don’t understand why that makes any sense to them. Unless a guy has had regular luck across his lifetime in pulling super hot women, then he probably doesn’t give hotness at the level he is trying to get.
> 
> It should be an equal trade of hotness. If you are unable to assess your own hotness you’re going to keep shooting in the dark.
> 
> 
> 
> So guys should only swipe right on the ones they're only sort of attracted to.
Click to expand...

No they should just keep over shooting and failing, like they have been since the invention of online dating. 

That was sarcasm, btw.

All I know is that all of us can only buy so much hotness with our own hotness. You will know what that currency is by your success. If you keep coming up empty then you’re shooting too high. If you honestly are “only” attracted to super hot women and you are not pulling them in, what do you expect anyone to do or say? Keep doing what isn’t working?

We care what you look like and what your body looks like. Just like you guys care. So when you message us, it’s always gonna come down to that in whether we respond or not.

Being a decent person is still necessary but we aren’t gonna know if you are or not unless you are hot enough to respond to.

If the tables were turned and you had an in box full of messages from women you are definitely not attracted to, it would make sense to you (not saying it doesn’t make sense, I’m just explaining what it’s like for us). You would wonder why all these women are wasting their time messaging you instead of men they might have a chance with.

Say you’re a decent looking guy along the lines of Kevin Bacon. (To me he is not particularly good looking but is definitely cute and interesting). And then say you have 40 messages from women who are along the lines of Barbara Walters. That’s a bit what it’s like. (No offense to Barbara just making a point with some people who are familiar to us all).


----------



## Lila

WorldsApart said:


> So guys should only swipe right on the ones they're only sort of attracted to.


This advice is gender neutral. You can swipe on whomever you like but if you're not getting the responses you want then you might want to re-evaluate your standards. Ask yourself if your qualities are attractive enough to capture the notice of the people on which you are swiping right. If they are not then you need to find ways to either up your game or lower your standards of attraction.


----------



## AliceA

I'd like to add a note on pictures. If you aren't smiling and showing your teeth, we're wondering if it's because there's a problem with them. I've talked to other women and they feel the same.

I'm not joking BTW, it happens. Get them fixed, or smile and own it, but be honest about it.

Edited to add: the super serious, grumpy look is not attractive, and pouters make me cringe


----------



## Elizabeth001

AliceA said:


> I'd like to add a note on pictures. If you aren't smiling and showing your teeth, we're wondering if it's because there's a problem with them. I've talked to other women and they feel the same.
> 
> I'm not joking BTW, it happens. Get them fixed, or smile and own it, but be honest about it.
> 
> Edited to add: the super serious, grumpy look is not attractive, and pouters make me cringe




It’s been a while since I met anyone from OLD but the last guy I did meet was like this. He looked sort of ruggedly handsome in his photos and had an interesting profile. I did not notice that he wasn’t full on smiling in any of his photos. When we met, his dental situation was utterly disgusting. Ew. Lesson learned. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## WorldsApart

Faithful Wife said:


> No they should just keep over shooting and failing, like they have been since the invention of online dating.


That was happening long before the internet. The only difference now is the supply and demand is far more skewed in the favor of women.



Faithful Wife said:


> All I know is that all of us can only buy so much hotness with our own hotness. You will know what that currency is by your success. If you keep coming up empty then you’re shooting too high. If you honestly are “only” attracted to super hot women and you are not pulling them in, what do you expect anyone to do or say? Keep doing what isn’t working?


Men like what they like, and no amount of OMG HE'S SO UGLY is going to change that. I really just popped into this thread to point out that men have far less insight into why a particular woman would like or not like them, so they try as hard as they can.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> If I was providing advice to a male friend regarding his online profiles, I would suggest most of the same things you did except that I would recommend using good photos but not necessarily professional ones. I know it's a personal preference but I find professional photos way too sanitized and artificial.
> 
> 
> 
> I would also encourage him to go ahead and send out the initial message. However, I would tell him to make sure to focus on only those profiles he was seriously interested in and to make sure those messages were personalized. One of the reasons why women ignore 99% of the messages is because the vast majority are impersonal and generally phishing. Most are either generic form letters or "Hi", neither of which shows actual interest. The woman receiving that message is thinking "he's sent that damn thing to probably ever woman on this site hoping that one will respond". It's the equivalent of the guy at the bar that hits on every woman that walks through the door regardless his interest.


This is EXACTLY why I would hire a pro.

The last thing I would want is a 'glam photo'.

But they can definitely take photos that actually look like they are not from a photo shoot.

Natural...with a tad of 'polish'...yet clear enough to show a few of the laugh lines/wrinkles.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## tech-novelist

southbound said:


> I also find it strange when women list their body type as “a few extra pounds,” but they only show headshots. So, women do some weird things on OLD too.


Apparently they think that there was a typo that left out the word "hundred" after "few".


----------



## Faithful Wife

WorldsApart said:


> Men like what they like, and no amount of OMG HE'S SO UGLY is going to change that.


Women like what we like. No amount of shot gunning them with messages is going to change that.


----------



## Faithful Wife

farsidejunky said:


> This is EXACTLY why I would hire a pro.
> 
> The last thing I would want is a 'glam photo'.
> 
> But they can definitely take photos that actually look like they are not from a photo shoot.
> 
> Natural...with a tad of 'polish'...yet clear enough to show a few of the laugh lines/wrinkles.


One of the guys I dated said his pics were professional, and when I went back to look at them I was like wow, ok, yeah! They were so well done they did not look professional at first glance. Very nice, yet not staged/posed, not filtered, very natural, different settings, different clothing.

It does require taking a lot of bad pics to turn up a few good ones, but it will be worth it. I don't use pro pics but I'm actually an excellent photog and can really shine in my photos (I should be a pro for other people's profile pics, seriously). But it does literally take like 20 bad snaps for every 1 really good one, so it is a process requiring patience.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> Women like what we like. No amount of shot gunning them with messages is going to change that.


Right? Just send the D pick and be done with it. If she wants it she wants it. :grin2: 

I think it was on the radio I heard unsolicited D pics are now going to be criminal offenses. About time! I dont want to have to track down some 15 year old and beat the **** out of him and possibly go to jail when inevitably my daughter gets a D pick. I dont _want_ to do it, but I mean I sort of have to you know? With this new law I can just get a criminal charge on their records. Much better for us fathers.


----------



## WorldsApart

Faithful Wife said:


> Women like what we like. No amount of shot gunning them with messages is going to change that.


Only has to work once for them to keep trying


----------



## Faithful Wife

Elizabeth001 said:


> It’s been a while since I met anyone from OLD but the last guy I did meet was like this. He looked sort of ruggedly handsome in his photos and had an interesting profile. I did not notice that he wasn’t full on smiling in any of his photos. When we met, his dental situation was utterly disgusting. Ew. Lesson learned.


A guy I went out with asked me (before we met in person) to send a pic of my teeth! He said the same happened to him, that he went on a date with a gal who ended up having no teeth (or I think he meant tiny little nubs of broken/rotted teeth). I sent him one and he said "beautiful!" I'm like yeah, ok....that makes sense.

Later to find out this guy was into "very tiny" women and it made me feel like a cow so I stopped seeing him. To each their own and I have no issues with people who have a preference so I just let it go. He tried to argue with me (wanted to keep seeing me) but it was clear to me I wasn't his type.

At the time I weighed 120 pounds and he was into women who were like 95 pounds. 

But at least I have teeth! lol.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

I kept hearing complaints from men who got tricked by porn bots who look like they are wanting a date but then send you to a website to sign up. It ended up being a red flag issue. 

Why? Because that tells me they are going after the hot girls. I've seen those profiles. They don't use average looking girls in them.


----------



## WorldsApart

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Right? Just send the D pick and be done with it. If she wants it she wants it. :grin2:
> 
> I think it was on the radio I heard unsolicited D pics are now going to be criminal offenses. About time! I dont want to have to track down some 15 year old and beat the **** out of him and possibly go to jail when inevitably my daughter gets a D pick. I dont _want_ to do it, but I mean I sort of have to you know? With this new law I can just get a criminal charge on their records. Much better for us fathers.


As a father with both a girl and boy, I hope it doesn't turn into a criminal offense. Should one poor choice at 15 mark a kid as sex offender for the rest of their life?


----------



## wilson

If I ever got on an OLD site, I'd put up totally "candid" pics like these:

- Standing in front of a stove wearing a chefs hat and taking a taste from a big pot of spaghetti sauce
- Kneeling in front of my dog with his paw in my hand and wrapping it in gauze bandage
- Working on my car wearing a wifebeater with black grease streaked across my arms
- A pic of me at a party 10 years ago with my arm around a woman who has been photoshopped out


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

WorldsApart said:


> As a father with both a girl and boy, I hope it doesn't turn into a criminal offense. Should one poor choice at 15 mark a kid as sex offender for the rest of their life?


The choices we make dictate the lives we lead. Or is it ****tate? My spelling has always been terrible. I have a son as well. I'm not sure what the exact verbiage is, I just heard about it and agreed with it. Perhaps minors wont get slapped with the registered sex offender label. Regardless, if my son was sending unsolicited **** pics, I might still go to jail, but this time it would he for child abuse after I thoroughly beat the snot out of him.


----------



## Faithful Wife

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Right? Just send the D pick and be done with it. If she wants it she wants it. :grin2:
> 
> I think it was on the radio I heard unsolicited D pics are now going to be criminal offenses. About time! I dont want to have to track down some 15 year old and beat the **** out of him and possibly go to jail when inevitably my daughter gets a D pick. I dont _want_ to do it, but I mean I sort of have to you know? With this new law I can just get a criminal charge on their records. Much better for us fathers.


As an adult, I figure meh, it's annoying sometimes but it isn't a big deal anymore. It's just something I've come to accept. Men just do this, whether we want them to or not. 

I've made a game of it and put them in my "penis gallery" to make fun of later.

I also tell guys straight up that if they send me one it's going in my gallery. Some of them seem to WANT this honor! Lol. They don't get it, the gallery is evidence of how many douche bags are out there, and they think it is a compliment to be in it.

I show it to my friends and we just laugh and laugh. 

The lack of CONSENT is the problem for me. May I send you a D pic? is all it takes to get my consent. If I say no and you send it anyway, I know you are not date material (but you still go in my gallery for future mocking and laughter).

But yeah....when it is kids it is a different story. I'm sorry you young parents have to deal with that kind of stuff these days, jeez.

ETA: I've heard from lots of men that women do this too, send boob or ***** pics, unsolicited. Several guys have told me they do the same as I do. Put the pics in a gallery and next the woman for being an idiot.


----------



## Faithful Wife

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I kept hearing complaints from men who got tricked by porn bots who look like they are wanting a date but then send you to a website to sign up. It ended up being a red flag issue.
> 
> Why? Because that tells me they are going after the hot girls. I've seen those profiles. They don't use average looking girls in them.


What is so confusing to me, is that here at TAM we have men tell us all the time that they find almost all women (including what they would call "average") totally bang-able.

Yet when given the chance on OLD, they only hit up the "really hot" ones.

It doesn't make sense. Supposedly they have so much lower standards than women do, that they are attracted to basically any female in the average range, and women have these really high unreasonable standards according to men.

So I've learned not to listen to TAM men on certain things, because they are not speaking the full truth or they only represent a minority of men who somehow find any average woman hot.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> As an adult, I figure meh, it's annoying sometimes but it isn't a big deal anymore. It's just something I've come to accept. Men just do this, whether we want them to or not.
> 
> I've made a game of it and put them in my "penis gallery" to make fun of later.
> 
> I also tell guys straight up that if they send me one it's going in my gallery. Some of them seem to WANT this honor! Lol. They don't get it, the gallery is evidence of how many douche bags are out there, and they think it is a compliment to be in it.
> 
> I show it to my friends and we just laugh and laugh.
> 
> The lack of CONSENT is the problem for me. May I send you a D pic? is all it takes to get my consent. If I say no and you send it anyway, I know you are not date material (but you still go in my gallery for future mocking and laughter).
> 
> But yeah....when it is kids it is a different story. I'm sorry you young parents have to deal with that kind of stuff these days, jeez.
> 
> ETA: I've heard from lots of men that women do this too, send boob or ***** pics, unsolicited. Several guys have told me they do the same as I do. Put the pics in a gallery and next the woman for being an idiot.


The great thing is conversations are saved somewhere always. A lawyer can get to this stuff. That's the whole point. Consent! Send all the **** pics you want, I don't care. Some back and forth sexting, nobody can claim it was unsolicited, there will be proof it wasn't. Some guy sliding into your DMs just to send a D pic is a scumbag. There needs to be consequences for that nonsense. Sending a D pic to your wife unsolicited isn't what we are talking about here, clearly. I'm not sure how the law read or if it's even passed, I just heard about it on sports talk radio lol. I agreed that this is something we need to address. Some 14 year old girl doesn't need some dude to swoop in and just post it up there like that. When do we cross the lines into child porn and so forth? Heard they cracked down on underage girls giving private cam shows and such on some of these sites. GOOD! For freak sake who knows who is watching that stuff! Boys don't and shouldn't get a pass for the same type of nonsense. 

So yeah, registered sex offender, dont care about "mistakes" made. There's consequences, and some "mistakes" like sending a D pic without consent are EASY to avoid. Get consent, snap and share away.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> What is so confusing to me, is that here at TAM we have men tell us all the time that they find almost all women (including what they would call "average") totally bang-able.
> 
> Yet when given the chance on OLD, they only hit up the "really hot" ones.
> 
> It doesn't make sense. Supposedly they have so much lower standards than women do, that they are attracted to basically any female in the average range, and women have these really high unreasonable standards according to men.
> 
> So I've learned not to listen to TAM men on certain things, because they are not speaking the full truth or they only represent a minority of men who somehow find any average woman hot.


I've not done online dating (never will either) so my guess is just a shot in the dark. But I would guess it starts with dudes going after all the supposed hot girls for a while and eventually they get down to the so called average girls when nothing else works out. "Shoot your shot" as they say.

I get why people go OLD but I just dont you know? I think if I were single I would still be old fashioned about it. Join clubs and groups and things and meet people that way. OLD seems like it's more trouble than it's worth. I know people who met online and are super happy together. I know it works great for a lot of people. I understand why people do it. At the same time, I just don't understand it. But I'm an outsider to that life so that's probably the reason.


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> A guy I went out with asked me (before we met in person) to send a pic of my teeth! He said the same happened to him, that he went on a date with a gal who ended up having no teeth (or I think he meant tiny little nubs of broken/rotted teeth). I sent him one and he said "beautiful!" I'm like yeah, ok....that makes sense.
> 
> Later to find out this guy was into "very tiny" women and it made me feel like a cow so I stopped seeing him. To each their own and I have no issues with people who have a preference so I just let it go. He tried to argue with me (wanted to keep seeing me) but it was clear to me I wasn't his type.
> 
> At the time I weighed 120 pounds and he was into women who were like 95 pounds.
> 
> But at least I have teeth! lol.


<1/2 of 1% of the population.

This reinforces the self inflicted limitations discussed earlier. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> What is so confusing to me, is that here at TAM we have men tell us all the time that they find almost all women (including what they would call "average") totally bang-able.
> 
> 
> 
> Yet when given the chance on OLD, they only hit up the "really hot" ones.
> 
> 
> 
> It doesn't make sense. Supposedly they have so much lower standards than women do, that they are attracted to basically any female in the average range, and women have these really high unreasonable standards according to men.
> 
> 
> 
> So I've learned not to listen to TAM men on certain things, because they are not speaking the full truth or they only represent a minority of men who somehow find any average woman hot.


If you shoot for the stars, yet only get to the moon...win.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

wilson said:


> If I ever got on an OLD site, I'd put up totally "candid" pics like these:
> 
> - Standing in front of a stove wearing a chefs hat and taking a taste from a big pot of spaghetti sauce
> - Kneeling in front of my dog with his paw in my hand and wrapping it in gauze bandage
> - Working on my car wearing a wifebeater with black grease streaked across my arms
> - A pic of me at a party 10 years ago with my arm around a woman who has been photoshopped out


OMG you just described about 50% of the profiles I see!

Except they don't even photoshop out the ex, they just crop her out. Can still see her arm and shoulder!


----------



## Faithful Wife

farsidejunky said:


> If you shoot for the stars, yet only get to the moon...win.


Well in this case, shooting for a really hot woman is not going to end up with you landing on an average woman when the hot woman doesn't respond. It is going to land you drifting in space for eternity.


----------



## Faithful Wife

farsidejunky said:


> *<1/2 of 1% of the population*.
> 
> This reinforces the self inflicted limitations discussed earlier.


Not sure what the bolded is?


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> Well in this case, shooting for a really hot woman is not going to end up with you landing on an average woman when the hot woman doesn't respond. It is going to land you drifting in space for eternity.


Bad analogy on my part. 

How about:

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> Not sure what the bolded is?


A 95 lb adult woman cannot possibly exceed 1/2 of 1% of the female population.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I've not done online dating (never will either) so my guess is just a shot in the dark. But I would guess it starts with dudes going after all the supposed hot girls for a while and eventually they get down to the so called average girls when nothing else works out. "Shoot your shot" as they say.
> 
> I get why people go OLD but I just dont you know? I think if I were single I would still be old fashioned about it. Join clubs and groups and things and meet people that way. OLD seems like it's more trouble than it's worth. I know people who met online and are super happy together. I know it works great for a lot of people. I understand why people do it. At the same time, I just don't understand it. But I'm an outsider to that life so that's probably the reason.


I do wish men would just ask us out in person but they don't. So not much choice in the matter, for me.

I don't go anywhere that men would find me to ask me out anyway so that complicates it further.

Not sure why OLD seems like "trouble"? It is easy and for me it is fun. 

I would much rather have a guy ask me in person but eh, I can't make them do that so thankfully there is OLD or I just wouldn't get to go out at all.


----------



## Faithful Wife

farsidejunky said:


> A 95 lb adult woman cannot possibly exceed 1/2 of 1% of the female population.


Oh right, yeah probably.

But I'm a slave to my own preferences too, so I honestly can't blame the guy. Whatever reason he has that preference, it is just in him and he can't deny it.

Since I only talked to him to begin with because he was 6'3", which is my preference (and a very small percentage of the population), I totally get it. He said he was into petite women, which I thought I fit into that category until he started talking a bit more about what he meant. No harm, no foul. I think tiny women like that are hot too, so I can't even disagree! lol.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> I do wish men would just ask us out in person but they don't. So not much choice in the matter, for me.
> 
> I don't go anywhere that men would find me to ask me out anyway so that complicates it further.
> 
> Not sure why OLD seems like "trouble"? It is easy and for me it is fun.
> 
> I would much rather have a guy ask me in person but eh, I can't make them do that so thankfully there is OLD or I just wouldn't get to go out at all.


I'm not even 36 yet and I'm already doing the "back in my day" routine. That's all that is. I dont understand it is all. I'm not trying to be negative about it as in people got it all wrong, I just dont get it. Hopefully I never will. Like I said, it works well for others. I get it. I just dont get it. Clear as mud. :laugh:


----------



## Faithful Wife

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm not even 36 yet and I'm already doing the "back in my day" routine. That's all that is. I dont understand it is all. I'm not trying to be negative about it as in people got it all wrong, I just dont get it. Hopefully I never will. Like I said, it works well for others. I get it. I just dont get it. Clear as mud. :laugh:


Be glad that you'll never get it!! Being happily married beats all the dates in the world, any day of the week.

OTOH, happily dating and chatting with a lot of hot dudes doesn't suck for a single gal. :grin2:


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> Be glad that you'll never get it!! Being happily married beats all the dates in the world, any day of the week.
> 
> OTOH, happily dating and chatting with a lot of hot dudes doesn't suck for a single gal. :grin2:


Here's part of it, I'm a better talker than I am a looker. I'm not bad looking, I make jokes about myself, but im a decent looking fellow truth be told. But im a better talker. That's my strength. Part of that is reading people and adjusting to their speed. Sarcasm and body language, tone of voice, all that is lost. I guess you just adjust though. I think I would fail miserably at online flirting. I'm not a one liner clever type dude. I read and adjust based on what I'm seeing. It worked for me. Worked well in sales even though I hated it. If I loved sales, I would have been a beast. Even hating it, I was still very good at it. OLD seems like it takes away my strengths. Again, outsider thought, I have no idea.


----------



## farsidejunky

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Here's part of it, I'm a better talker than I am a looker. I'm not bad looking, I make jokes about myself, but im a decent looking fellow truth be told. But im a better talker. That's my strength. Part of that is reading people and adjusting to their speed. Sarcasm and body language, tone of voice, all that is lost. I guess you just adjust though. I think I would fail miserably at online flirting. I'm not a one liner clever type dude. I read and adjust based on what I'm seeing. It worked for me. Worked well in sales even though I hated it. If I loved sales, I would have been a beast. Even hating it, I was still very good at it. OLD seems like it takes away my strengths. Again, outsider thought, I have no idea.


This.

I have never been the guy to draw a ton of attention from people at a party. 

However, I can't count how any times I have heard, "How did I miss you?"

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

Farside and Dude...I get it and I would love to be hit up (or notice later, "how did I miss YOU?") a guy in person. Works much better for me too! But it just doesn't happen so.....meh.

When I first started doing the car things (shows, events, etc) I thought yay! A bunch of dudes in one place who ALSO have a car or love cars!

Quickly found out that 99% of them are conservative Trump lovers. sigh......dead end

And car stuff is about the only thing I ever do that is out in any public arena so......again, meh. 

Please don't interpret this as me complaining because I mean, I honestly could get a date for every night of the week if I had that much energy. There is no shortage of men, in fact there are so many it is overwhelming, as the OP said.

It is true that that X factor a guy may have cannot shine through in his profile the way it can IRL. So both men and women will over look people who they may have felt a strong spark with in person. That can't be helped. But it is also true that some people shine much brighter on their profiles than they do IRL, either because they are great writers and super witty, or they just have the text flirt game down.

I do know that one day I'll be locked down again, so I'm really really enjoying this and having fun with it in the meantime. It is a time in my life that won't last forever and I'm savoring all of it.


----------



## Diana7

Faithful Wife said:


> Be glad that you'll never get it!! Being happily married beats all the dates in the world, any day of the week.
> 
> OTOH, happily dating and chatting with a lot of hot dudes doesn't suck for a single gal. :grin2:


I agree with the happily married thing, but for me dating was never enjoyable, it was a means to an end. I am so grateful that I could communicate more on line, I find that far easier. I only met up with 3 men before my husband and that was 3 too many.:|


----------



## Diana7

Faithful Wife said:


> Farside and Dude...I get it and I would love to be hit up (or notice later, "how did I miss YOU?") a guy in person. Works much better for me too! But it just doesn't happen so.....meh.
> 
> When I first started doing the car things (shows, events, etc) I thought yay! A bunch of dudes in one place who ALSO have a car or love cars!
> 
> Quickly found out that 99% of them are conservative Trump lovers. sigh......dead end
> 
> And car stuff is about the only thing I ever do that is out in any public arena so......again, meh.
> 
> Please don't interpret this as me complaining because I mean, I honestly could get a date for every night of the week if I had that much energy. There is no shortage of men, in fact there are so many it is overwhelming, as the OP said.
> 
> It is true that that X factor a guy may have cannot shine through in his profile the way it can IRL. So both men and women will over look people who they may have felt a strong spark with in person. That can't be helped. But it is also true that some people shine much brighter on their profiles than they do IRL, either because they are great writers and super witty, or they just have the text flirt game down.
> 
> I do know that one day I'll be locked down again, so I'm really really enjoying this and having fun with it in the meantime. It is a time in my life that won't last forever and I'm savoring all of it.


Interestingly enough it was what my husband wrote on his profile that made me think, yep I REALLY want to meet this man, but that was about 15 years ago when dating site profiles relied more on what the person was like rather than merely their pictures. He didn't even have a photo up at that point when I just knew he was something special. I think it was 2 or 3 days before his photo came up, and by then we had spoken on the phone and arranged to meet.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Diana7 said:


> Interestingly enough it was what my husband wrote on his profile that made me think, yep I REALLY want to meet this man, but that was about 15 years ago when dating site profiles relied more on what the person was like rather than merely their pictures. He didn't even have a photo up at that point when I just knew he was something special. I think it was 2 or 3 days before his photo came up, and by then we had spoken on the phone and arranged to meet.


Awwwww....were you like his first date on that site?


----------



## Diana7

In my experiences, some people greatly over estimate their own 'hotness', and if they are only going after people who are 'hot' then they are doomed to failure. 
A persons personality and character can make them seem very attractive or very ugly no matter what they look like physically.


----------



## Diana7

Faithful Wife said:


> Awwwww....were you like his first date on that site?


His first not mine. He had only just joined. Finding a decent available Christian guy(especially in your 40's)is like looking for a needle in a haystack in the UK, so I got in quick and nabbed him. :smile2:


----------



## Faithful Wife

Diana7 said:


> His first not mine. He had only just joined. Finding a decent available Christian guy(especially in your 40's)is like looking for a needle in a haystack in the UK, so I got in quick and nabbed him. :smile2:


that is soooo sweet! (swoon)


----------



## Diana7

Faithful Wife said:


> that is soooo sweet! (swoon)


God is the BEST matchmaker. :smile2:


----------



## Faithful Wife

Diana7 said:


> God is the BEST matchmaker. :smile2:


I'm not sure where I read this (possibly Gottman?) but there was a statistical thing that showed that partners who take a lot of enjoyment in sharing and remembering their story of how they met and were engaged are more likely to remain married and happy than couples who do not share or enjoy remembering their meet story. :grin2:

It had to do with cherishing each other and celebrating it.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Faithful Wife said:


> Farside and Dude...I get it and I would love to be hit up (or notice later, "how did I miss YOU?") a guy in person. Works much better for me too! But it just doesn't happen so.....meh.
> 
> When I first started doing the car things (shows, events, etc) I thought yay! A bunch of dudes in one place who ALSO have a car or love cars!
> 
> Quickly found out that 99% of them are conservative Trump lovers. sigh......dead end
> 
> And car stuff is about the only thing I ever do that is out in any public arena so......again, meh.
> 
> Please don't interpret this as me complaining because I mean, I honestly could get a date for every night of the week if I had that much energy. There is no shortage of men, in fact there are so many it is overwhelming, as the OP said.
> 
> It is true that that X factor a guy may have cannot shine through in his profile the way it can IRL. So both men and women will over look people who they may have felt a strong spark with in person. That can't be helped. But it is also true that some people shine much brighter on their profiles than they do IRL, either because they are great writers and super witty, or they just have the text flirt game down.
> 
> I do know that one day I'll be locked down again, so I'm really really enjoying this and having fun with it in the meantime. It is a time in my life that won't last forever and I'm savoring all of it.


You said you are an introvert right? I imagine OLD makes things WAY easier just with that alone. I'm glad you are enjoying life. Live it up girly!


----------



## lovelygirl

oldtruck said:


> So are you bragging that you look to hot?


:rofl::rofl::rofl:



OP you don't need to respond to every message out there. take your time. your energy.

I use online dating but I might not reply everyday because I haven't met those people and we don't owe anything to each other.


----------



## Faithful Wife

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> Farside and Dude...I get it and I would love to be hit up (or notice later, "how did I miss YOU?") a guy in person. Works much better for me too! But it just doesn't happen so.....meh.
> 
> When I first started doing the car things (shows, events, etc) I thought yay! A bunch of dudes in one place who ALSO have a car or love cars!
> 
> Quickly found out that 99% of them are conservative Trump lovers. sigh......dead end
> 
> And car stuff is about the only thing I ever do that is out in any public arena so......again, meh.
> 
> Please don't interpret this as me complaining because I mean, I honestly could get a date for every night of the week if I had that much energy. There is no shortage of men, in fact there are so many it is overwhelming, as the OP said.
> 
> It is true that that X factor a guy may have cannot shine through in his profile the way it can IRL. So both men and women will over look people who they may have felt a strong spark with in person. That can't be helped. But it is also true that some people shine much brighter on their profiles than they do IRL, either because they are great writers and super witty, or they just have the text flirt game down.
> 
> I do know that one day I'll be locked down again, so I'm really really enjoying this and having fun with it in the meantime. It is a time in my life that won't last forever and I'm savoring all of it.
> 
> 
> 
> You said you are an introvert right? I imagine OLD makes things WAY easier just with that alone. I'm glad you are enjoying life. Live it up girly!
Click to expand...

Yes being introverted means OLD works well for me.

I’ve had female friends who are extrovert and talk to everyone, and they always got lots more numbers or met guys who became a date than I did. I didn’t really envy them though because the thought of talking to everybody I meet makes me want to hide under my bed. Not worth it just to get more numbers from randos.

But yes I’m living it up and enjoying all of this, ups and downs and good ones and bad ones. The bad ones provide so much material to laugh about that they are part of the fun! 

I’ve met so many nice people who I never would have otherwise and some of them become long term friends even if it wasn’t a match for me. We can then continue to share our good and bad stories and make each other laugh. And I’m always happy for them when they find a gal and don’t have time to text me stories anymore. Goodwill to all of them!


----------



## lovelygirl

The thing that I have with online dating is that it takes a LOT of time to write to several people out there and re-introducing yourself all over again, bla bla...wasting time writing.
This is what puts me off and I have to repeat myself every other day with new people I might talk to, which has resulted in some time-wasted thing.


----------



## Faithful Wife

lovelygirl said:


> The thing that I have with online dating is that it takes a LOT of time to write to several people out there and re-introducing yourself all over again, bla bla...wasting time writing.
> This is what puts me off and I have to repeat myself every other day with new people I might talk to, which has resulted in some time-wasted thing.


Yeah, it is like a part time job, lol. It gets overwhelming and time consuming.

I just take a break when I'm too lazy or overwhelmed to go through the process again.

Then I get bored and hop back on the apps and take another whirlwind ride through the profiles, the contact, the writing back and forth, the weeding them out, the first date, and so on.

Always ends up worth it but I can't stay active full time on there or it's just too much time spent.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Much of OLD is:

"Hey, How are you? "

"I'm good thanks, and you?"

"Good! And you?"

I found that I either click right from the start or it stays a dud. I didn't message anyone back who's profile told me (based on pic, info, hobbies, interests, spelling, etc) wouldn't be a match. 

I'd also try to get enough info that I could check out their social media pages. That can tell a lot. You can typically see likes, friends lists, kinds of people that comment on their profile pics. If a 45 year old guy has a lot of hot looking porn bot "friends" it's a no. If he likes pages that conflict with my political or personal views, it's a no, if he has multiple girls doing hearty crap on his profile pics, it's a no. 

I have no shame in being picky and having my standards. I've met some amazing men, some just not compatible for whatever reason and we went our own ways.


----------



## Lila

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Here's part of it, I'm a better talker than I am a looker. I'm not bad looking, I make jokes about myself, but im a decent looking fellow truth be told. But im a better talker. That's my strength. Part of that is reading people and adjusting to their speed. Sarcasm and body language, tone of voice, all that is lost. I guess you just adjust though. I think I would fail miserably at online flirting. I'm not a one liner clever type dude. I read and adjust based on what I'm seeing. It worked for me. Worked well in sales even though I hated it. If I loved sales, I would have been a beast. Even hating it, I was still very good at it. OLD seems like it takes away my strengths. Again, outsider thought, I have no idea.





farsidejunky said:


> This.
> 
> I have never been the guy to draw a ton of attention from people at a party.
> 
> However, I can't count how any times I have heard, "How did I miss you?"
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I am right there with you two. Let's all share an awkward high five.


----------



## Lila

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Much of OLD is:
> 
> "Hey, How are you? "
> 
> "I'm good thanks, and you?"
> 
> "Good! And you?"
> 
> I found that I either click right from the start or it stays a dud. I didn't message anyone back who's profile told me (based on pic, info, hobbies, interests, spelling, etc) wouldn't be a match.
> 
> I'd also try to get enough info that I could check out their social media pages. That can tell a lot. You can typically see likes, friends lists, kinds of people that comment on their profile pics. If a 45 year old guy has a lot of hot looking porn bot "friends" it's a no. If he likes pages that conflict with my political or personal views, it's a no, if he has multiple girls doing hearty crap on his profile pics, it's a no.
> 
> I have no shame in being picky and having my standards. I've met some amazing men, some just not compatible for whatever reason and we went our own ways.


No joke. Whenever I get caught up in the "Hey how are you's" , i use the following to break it - one way or the other.

Him: How are you?

Me: I'm doing pretty good today. How are you?

Him: Good! And you?

Me: It was good but ya know, if it wasn't for that horse, I would have never spent that year in college.

This line by comedian Lewis Black has worked remarkably well at culling the herd. They either think I'm crazy and ghost or they find it hilarious and respond in kind. Ice is broken either way.


----------



## southbound

Faithful Wife said:


> farsidejunky said:
> 
> 
> 
> If you shoot for the stars, yet only get to the moon...win.
> 
> 
> 
> Well in this case, shooting for a really hot woman is not going to end up with you landing on an average woman when the hot woman doesn't respond. It is going to land you drifting in space for eternity.
Click to expand...

I don’t think it’s as simple as looks. I’m not a bad looking guy at 51. I don’t need bodyguards or anything, lol, but I’m not bad at all. I also have to consider that the women will be in my age range. 

I have clicked on the men before just to check out the competition, and I was surprised. I’m sure those available differ from place to place, but I guess I was expecting to see a lot of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise types, but I sure didn’t see any. I found myself thinking, “okaaaaaay, so this is it?” I didn’t see a single one that made me throw my hands up and delete my account. So, it has to go beyond just looks, or my looks gauge is stuck in another era or something. 

The only thing I can figure is that I may look a bit straight-edge. I had a lady once tell me that I looked older than my age. I had never been told that, so I asked her to elaborate. After giving it some thought, She said It wasn’t that I actually looked older, but that I wasn’t trying to look younger. 

She said most guys my age online try so hard to look younger with hairstyles, clothes, and such. She said I just looked normal, so with that, she figured I was actually older and had given up on that kind of thing.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> No joke. Whenever I get caught up in the "Hey how are you's" , i use the following to break it - one way or the other.
> 
> Him: How are you?
> 
> Me: I'm doing pretty good today. How are you?
> 
> Him: Good! And you?
> 
> Me: It was good but ya know, if it wasn't for that horse, I would have never spent that year in college.
> 
> This line by comedian Lewis Black has worked remarkably well at culling the herd. They either think I'm crazy and ghost or they find it hilarious and respond in kind. Ice is broken either way.


Ha! That's hilarious.

I've found that if the convo doesn't move off the "how are you" stuff after a couple of exchanges, it means the guy just doesn't have much to say and I just let it drop.

If they come back after a bit and say "hey what happened to you? Still interested in chatting?" I'll usually answer honestly like "well it seemed like the convo wasn't going anywhere". If they pick it up, I may pick it back up, too. If they don't, I just assume they are not that interested or not that conversational.


----------



## Faithful Wife

southbound said:


> I don’t think it’s as simple as looks. I’m not a bad looking guy at 51. I don’t need bodyguards or anything, lol, but I’m not bad at all. I also have to consider that the women will be in my age range.
> 
> I have clicked on the men before just to check out the competition, and I was surprised. I’m sure those available differ from place to place, but I guess I was expecting to see a lot of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise types, but I sure didn’t see any. I found myself thinking, “okaaaaaay, so this is it?” I didn’t see a single one that made me throw my hands up and delete my account. So, it has to go beyond just looks, or my looks gauge is stuck in another era or something.
> 
> The only thing I can figure is that I may look a bit straight-edge. I had a lady once tell me that I looked older than my age. I had never been told that, so I asked her to elaborate. After giving it some thought, She said It wasn’t that I actually looked older, but that I wasn’t trying to look younger.
> 
> She said most guys my age online try so hard to look younger with hairstyles, clothes, and such. She said I just looked normal, so with that, she figured I was actually older and had given up on that kind of thing.


If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to look at your pics or offer advice on my thoughts.

I do think that straight men really cannot judge what is attractive to us. So when you look at other profiles and think "meh", I'm sure you are correct on some of them but others are probably "hot" to more women than you would think.


----------



## AliceA

lovelygirl said:


> OP you don't need to respond to every message out there. take your time. your energy.
> 
> I use online dating but I might not reply everyday because I haven't met those people and we don't owe anything to each other.


It was definitely taking too much time and effort, but I've let some of them fall away by simply not being around. I'll finish off a few promised dates and have a break (unless something seems promising of course).

It feels like some think that a person would accept a poor or even mediocre match simply because it's offered. I'd rather stay single.

A friend has told me I'm not allowed to do any more 'pity' dates. :laugh: I hadn't thought of it like that, but she's right.


----------



## lovelygirl

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Much of OLD is:
> 
> 
> 
> "Hey, How are you? "
> 
> 
> 
> "I'm good thanks, and you?"
> 
> 
> 
> "Good! And you?"
> 
> 
> 
> I found that I either click right from the start or it stays a dud. I didn't message anyone back who's profile told me (based on pic, info, hobbies, interests, spelling, etc) wouldn't be a match.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd also try to get enough info that I could check out their social media pages. That can tell a lot. You can typically see likes, friends lists, kinds of people that comment on their profile pics. If a 45 year old guy has a lot of hot looking porn bot "friends" it's a no. If he likes pages that conflict with my political or personal views, it's a no, if he has multiple girls doing hearty crap on his profile pics, it's a no.
> 
> 
> 
> I have no shame in being picky and having my standards. I've met some amazing men, some just not compatible for whatever reason and we went our own ways.


totally agreed!

if the guy sounds boring *and is not creative with communication or wanting to know more about me ..then chances are I'll either drop him or unmatch him.

On the other hand though, I risk more to "lose" guys who might've been more interested in me ...because the truth is that .... I haven't exposed my whole face. Just lips. 
They are mine but I wouldn't want to be fully recognized as it feels like everyone would then understand that I'm on Tinder. 
It kind of feels weird for me being there.... so I just keep the low profile and see if the guy wants to know more about me and our convo gets interesting..., *we exchange whatsapp/instagram.

So, chances are...I might have "less chances" to meet the right guys for the risk of not showing my face, but on the other hand I think, he who wants to know more from me...will insist to meet me / chat with me outside of Tinder.

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

Faithful Wife said:


> I do wish men would just ask us out in person but they don't. So not much choice in the matter, for me.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't go anywhere that men would find me to ask me out anyway so that complicates it further.
> 
> 
> 
> Not sure why OLD seems like "trouble"? It is easy and for me it is fun.
> 
> 
> 
> I would much rather have a guy ask me in person but eh, I can't make them do that so thankfully there is OLD or I just wouldn't get to go out at all.


FW, you know I love you, but...

It's easy and fun for you because you're one of the super hot women! It is neither easy nor fun for a women who doesn't fall into the super hot category. 

I have an awful time with OLD. It sucks. I struggle to get any guys to chat with me, and the few that I've chatted with never get to the "let's meet" stage. Seriously, the only men who pursue me are the fugly ones, and sorry not sorry, I can't be with someone that I'm not attracted to. (And I'm not being snooty or picky, I've found guys who were completely average attractive.)

And you've seen pics of me, FW. I'm not a dog :/

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

FeministInPink said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> I do wish men would just ask us out in person but they don't. So not much choice in the matter, for me.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't go anywhere that men would find me to ask me out anyway so that complicates it further.
> 
> 
> 
> Not sure why OLD seems like "trouble"? It is easy and for me it is fun.
> 
> 
> 
> I would much rather have a guy ask me in person but eh, I can't make them do that so thankfully there is OLD or I just wouldn't get to go out at all.
> 
> 
> 
> FW, you know I love you, but...
> 
> It's easy and fun for you because you're one of the super hot women! It is neither easy nor fun for a women who doesn't fall into the super hot category.
> 
> I have an awful time with OLD. It sucks. I struggle to get any guys to chat with me, and the few that I've chatted with never get to the "let's meet" stage. Seriously, the only men who pursue me are the fugly ones, and sorry not sorry, I can't be with someone that I'm not attracted to. (And I'm not being snooty or picky, I've found guys who were completely average attractive.)
> 
> And you've seen pics of me, FW. I'm not a dog 😕
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I get it and I can’t deny that people hit me up just based on my pictures. 

I’m dead in the water without OLD, though. I’m positive you have been asked out in person (or asked for your number) far more times than I have. Even if by guys you weren’t interested in, I’m still sure it has happened to you.

I kind of think this says something about your presence and vibe, which are inviting and interesting to men. I don’t think I give off that vibe in person.

So all I’m pointing out is that you should be looking out for the in person opportunities, because they actually happen for you sometimes. 

You still need to come visit me in Portland sometime after you get settled in to your new job and we will see how you shine to some of these guys out here. You’re adorable and I’d date you myself but I know you’re straight. 🙂


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> I get it and I can’t deny that people hit me up just based on my pictures.
> 
> *I’m dead in the water without OLD, though. I’m positive you have been asked out in person (or asked for your number) far more times than I have. Even if by guys you weren’t interested in, I’m still sure it has happened to you.*
> 
> I kind of think this says something about your presence and vibe, which are inviting and interesting to men. I don’t think I give off that vibe in person.
> 
> So all I’m pointing out is that you should be looking out for the in person opportunities, because they actually happen for you sometimes.
> 
> You still need to come visit me in Portland sometime after you get settled in to your new job and we will see how you shine to some of these guys out here. You’re adorable and I’d date you myself but I know you’re straight. 🙂


This is a great point. OLD is a tool. It works great for some and doesn't for others. 

I do much better in person (and under specific settings) than online. It's not a good or bad thing. It's just my qualities do not line up well with OLD. They line up much better with real life situations.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> This is a great point. OLD is a tool. It works great for some and doesn't for others.
> 
> I do much better in person (and under specific settings) than online. It's not a good or bad thing. It's just my qualities do not line up well with OLD. They line up much better with real life situations.


You still need to come out here and check us out, too Ms. Lila!

If only I could get the cool, single TAM women out here for a raging Chick-Fest!

In my dreams.....


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> You still need to come out here and check us out, too Ms. Lila!
> 
> If only I could get the cool, single TAM women out here for a raging Chick-Fest!
> 
> In my dreams.....


LOL, maybe we can organize a Pacific Coast meetup. Call it the "singles ladies of TAM pacific coast meetup" or "Happy Times" for short :grin2:


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> LOL, maybe we can organize a Pacific Coast meetup. Call it the "singles ladies of TAM pacific coast meetup" or "Happy Times" for short :grin2:


That would be so amazing! I think I'm the only one out here though......

Let's do it in Vegas, kind of in the middle for everyone. :grin2:


----------



## Elizabeth001

Faithful Wife said:


> I get it and I can’t deny that people hit me up just based on my pictures.
> 
> I’m dead in the water without OLD, though. I’m positive you have been asked out in person (or asked for your number) far more times than I have. Even if by guys you weren’t interested in, I’m still sure it has happened to you.
> 
> I kind of think this says something about your presence and vibe, which are inviting and interesting to men. I don’t think I give off that vibe in person.
> 
> So all I’m pointing out is that you should be looking out for the in person opportunities, because they actually happen for you sometimes.
> 
> You still need to come visit me in Portland sometime after you get settled in to your new job and we will see how you shine to some of these guys out here. You’re adorable and I’d date you myself but I know you’re straight. 🙂




FTR...we ALL would date FIP if we could. And I’m straight up hetero 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Elizabeth001

Has anyone else come across those selfies taken in the bathroom where the mirror was so disgustingly filthy that you nexted them immediately? 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

Elizabeth001 said:


> Has anyone else come across those selfies taken in the bathroom where the mirror was so disgustingly filthy that you nexted them immediately?


Yes, and also the stuff laying around on the floor, the nasty sheets on the unmade bed in the background, the 15 dogs on the couch.....


----------



## Elizabeth001

INSTRUCTIONS FOR TAKING BATHROOM SELFIES:

Step 1) Clean mirror. 

Yadda yadda yadda...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Elizabeth001

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes, and also the stuff laying around on the floor, the nasty sheets on the unmade bed in the background, the 15 dogs on the couch.....




YAAASSSSSssssa... I look at EVERYTHING!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> That would be so amazing! I think I'm the only one out here though......
> 
> 
> 
> Let's do it in Vegas, kind of in the middle for everyone. :grin2:


Pics or it didn't happen. Especially if it 'didn't happen' in Vegas.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

I will start a gofundme account called: Send the single girls to Vegas!!

However much money we raise, that's how much fun we will have. >


----------



## southbound

lovelygirl said:


> if the guy sounds boring *and is not creative with communication or wanting to know more about me ..then chances are I'll either drop him or unmatch him.


Does the “boring” part have a lot to do with it? This goes with what I wrote earlier that women seem like they are are auditioning for an action movie instead of a relationship. 

I guess I’m a little old school. I’m by no means a guy who falls in love after a date or two. No! But on the other hand, I’m not into long term casual dating, so I guess I look for things a little deeper than whether they like to kayak or skydive. I’m more interested in what they are like on an everyday basis, but it seems like a lot of women are looking for Mr Excitement.


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> lovelygirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> if the guy sounds boring *and is not creative with communication or wanting to know more about me ..then chances are I'll either drop him or unmatch him.
> 
> 
> 
> Does the “boring” part have a lot to do with it? This goes with what I wrote earlier that women seem like they are are auditioning for an action movie instead of a relationship.
> 
> I guess I’m a little old school. I’m by no means a guy who falls in love after a date or two. No! But on the other hand, I’m not into long term casual dating, so I guess I look for things a little deeper than whether they like to kayak or skydive. I’m more interested in what they are like on an everyday basis, but it seems like a lot of women are looking for Mr Excitement.
Click to expand...

Do you run across profiles of women who are not into kayaking in skydiving in adventure-seeking? Are those profiles interesting to you?


----------



## lovelygirl

southbound said:


> Does the “boring” part have a lot to do with it? This goes with what I wrote earlier that women seem like they are are auditioning for an action movie instead of a relationship.





> I guess I’m a little old school. I’m by no means a guy who falls in love after a date or two. No! But on the other hand, I’m not into long term casual dating, so I guess I look for things a little deeper than whether they like to kayak or skydive. I’m more interested in what they are like on an everyday basis, but it seems like a lot of women are looking for Mr Excitement.


For me it's important that the guy be creative. Whether it's skydiving or kayak...doesn't matter. And no, it's not an audition but It's about clicking with hobbies and the lifestyle.

I have nothing in common with a guy who likes to spend most of his time behind closed doors, rarely goes out or is _not_ into communication (or that has social anxiety).

As long as he has hobbies and some of them are spent together, for me it's fine.


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> Do you run across profiles of women who are not into kayaking in skydiving in adventure-seeking? Are those profiles interesting to you?


I sometimes encounter those profiles, and yes, they are interesting to me. If I see a profile that describes herself as “homebody” or writes, “I’m just a simple woman and laid back.” Yes, I am attracted to that. I realize that is probably a bit of exaggeration too; just because one is a homebody doesn’t mean they never leave the house, but to me, that just seems more realistic. One profile read, “I don’t have any exciting hobbies because I’m too busy doing laundry.” That doesn’t mean she never sees the outside, but it’s just her way of saying she leads a real life instead of trying to pretend she’s jumping out of a plane every weekend. I find that attractive.


----------



## Elizabeth001

southbound said:


> I sometimes encounter those profiles, and yes, they are interesting to me. If I see a profile that describes herself as “homebody” or writes, “I’m just a simple woman and laid back.” Yes, I am attracted to that. I realize that is probably a bit of exaggeration too; just because one is a homebody doesn’t mean they never leave the house, but to me, that just seems more realistic. One profile read, “I don’t have any exciting hobbies because I’m too busy doing laundry.” That doesn’t mean she never sees the outside, but it’s just her way of saying she leads a real life instead of trying to pretend she’s jumping out of a plane every weekend. I find that attractive.




Dude...I would totally date you. Jus’ sayin’. OLD or real life, the right lady for you does exist. Amazon has us spoiled thinking that we can just hop on our phone and it will be here tomorrow. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

Elizabeth001 said:


> Dude...I would totally date you. Jus’ sayin’. OLD or real life, the right lady for you does exist. Amazon has us spoiled thinking that we can just hop on our phone and it will be here tomorrow.


I'd love to see another TAM match up, like EB and AF. Swoon!


----------



## Elizabeth001

Faithful Wife said:


> I'd love to see another TAM match up, like EB and AF. Swoon!




Meh...he prolly lives 2500 miles away. Always my luck :/


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

Faithful Wife said:


> I get it and I can’t deny that people hit me up just based on my pictures.
> 
> I’m dead in the water without OLD, though. I’m positive you have been asked out in person (or asked for your number) far more times than I have. Even if by guys you weren’t interested in, I’m still sure it has happened to you.
> 
> I kind of think this says something about your presence and vibe, which are inviting and interesting to men. I don’t think I give off that vibe in person.
> 
> So all I’m pointing out is that you should be looking out for the in person opportunities, because they actually happen for you sometimes.
> 
> You still need to come visit me in Portland sometime after you get settled in to your new job and we will see how you shine to some of these guys out here. You’re adorable and I’d date you myself but I know you’re straight. 🙂


Ok, so you have a point. I think it might actually happen more at the bookstore, except the guys that I'm interested in are aware that it's not cool to hit on the person that works at the bookstore. The guys that DO ask are the ones who don't understand that I am being nice and friendly to them because it's my job. I mean, I would be nice and friendly anyway, but it doesn't mean that I'm into them. Argh! :/

I just need the guys that I like to be the ones to ask for my number and ask me out!

I definitely want to come out and visit and meet these great guys you're always talking about!




Elizabeth001 said:


> FTR...we ALL would date FIP if we could. And I’m straight up hetero


Awe, you guys! 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## southbound

Elizabeth001 said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> I sometimes encounter those profiles, and yes, they are interesting to me. If I see a profile that describes herself as “homebody” or writes, “I’m just a simple woman and laid back.” Yes, I am attracted to that. I realize that is probably a bit of exaggeration too; just because one is a homebody doesn’t mean they never leave the house, but to me, that just seems more realistic. One profile read, “I don’t have any exciting hobbies because I’m too busy doing laundry.” That doesn’t mean she never sees the outside, but it’s just her way of saying she leads a real life instead of trying to pretend she’s jumping out of a plane every weekend. I find that attractive.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dude...I would totally date you. Jus’ sayin’. OLD or real life, the right lady for you does exist. Amazon has us spoiled thinking that we can just hop on our phone and it will be here tomorrow.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I appreciate your words. It is always my luck that even if I do meet a woman that seems real, she usually lives too far away.


----------



## AliceA

southbound said:


> I appreciate your words. It is always my luck that even if I do meet a woman that seems real, she usually lives too far away.


That's a big problem right there. One of the guys I'd be happy to meet actually lives over 1000km away. He says he would move to be with 'the one', but that doesn't help when you have to actually meet them to know whether you're even interested. He's persisting though, even after I said he should look closer to home... :scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

AliceA said:


> That's a big problem right there. One of the guys I'd be happy to meet actually lives over 1000km away. He says he would move to be with 'the one', but that doesn't help when you have to actually meet them to know whether you're even interested. He's persisting though, even after I said he should look closer to home... :scratchhead:


That would be a bit of a red flag for me. Unless he lives somewhere there a no people, or no single people. In which case, it probably aucks and he should move anyway, LOL!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Laurentium

southbound said:


> Does the “boring” part have a lot to do with it? This goes with what I wrote earlier that women seem like they are are auditioning for an action movie instead of a relationship.
> ... it seems like a lot of women are looking for Mr Excitement.


Yeah, and to me, that speaks of an emptiness inside them. 



lovelygirl said:


> For me it's important that the guy be creative. Whether it's skydiving or kayak...doesn't matter. And no, it's not an audition but It's about clicking with hobbies and the lifestyle.
> 
> I have nothing in common with a guy who likes to spend most of his time behind closed doors, rarely goes out or is _not_ into communication (or that has social anxiety).
> 
> As long as he has hobbies and some of them are spent together, for me it's fine.


Interesting. I'd need to pick that apart a bit because for me, "creative" and "skydiving" don't go together at all, very much the opposite. Nor "communication". Skydiving is, basically, a solitary activity where you don't have to communicate or interact with people at any deep level. Perfect for those with social anxiety. All those high-adrenalin things seem designed to keep human contact at bay. But they make for good facebook statuses. 

So for me, looking for a partner, creative is good. Skydiving is bad. Communication is good. Hobbies bad. So I feel like either I misunderstood you or else I 50% agree with you. 

I'd substitute the word "passion" for "hobbies". Hobbies makes me think of stamp collecting or making preserves. I have no hobbies. I have rhythm and purpose. I have two or three things that are important to me, central to my life. I don't need the other person to participate in them, but I do need them to like me talking about them occasionally. I expect the same from them.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

AliceA said:


> I'm giving online dating a bit of a shot, since there aren't many single men my age in my circles. Just wondering how other ladies have felt about it? I'm finding it very overwhelming. I can't jump on without being bombarded by messages. I was trying to stay open to possibilities, but it's getting too much. I physically don't have time to meet all these people and I get the feeling they think women just want to chat forever. That's not the case! I just don't want to go on a date every fricken day! I've got so much work to do, the thought of all that time spent drinking coffee/whatever stresses me out.
> 
> Can someone tell me how they handled it?


I set my limits mentally when I placed my ad. No youngin's (they love hitting on the older ladies), no bald men (yup, I'm superficial), no men who looked like my grandfather, no men who had dependent children, and I was willing to go 5 years below or 10 years above my age (at the time I was 53 if I remember correctly).

Now I'm here to tell you it's a leper colony out there. About 85% of the men who contacted me looked like Uncle Fester from the Adam's Family and I was having none of that. I had a canned, cut and paste response for all the men I found unattractive, and it was very gracious - I would thank them for reaching out and explain they lived too far away and I was just looking to make friends locally, not 40 or 50 miles away. They always thanked me for responding and no one's feelings were hurt. For those Uncle Festers who lived close by and I couldn't use my standard distance excuse, I had to come up with other creative stories. So there's a bit of dancing and dodging, no doubt about it.

Then there are the 'interviews' a/k/a coffee dates which feel like a job interview. When I liked the guy, coffee or a drink after work would turn into dinner and drinks. But if I wasn't feeling it, I'd thank him for a nice time and be on my way and then have to think of a way to let him down when he'd contact me later in the week asking for a date. Again, it's a lot of dancing and dodging you have to do until you find your prince, but I always made sure not to ghost anyone. That's the easiest way out but it's the ****tiest thing to do, so I made sure never to do it.

Another thing I did at every first meet was to ask the guy, "are you married?" Of course, they always said no. I'd tell them that if I found out differently, first I'd find their wives and tell them. Then, I'd hunt THEM down, rip off their arm and then beat them about the head and shoulders with the bloody stump. I have NO patience for that ****.

Lastly, I've said this 1000 times but never did it - I should have kept index cards on different people because I would occasionally screw up and say, "you grew up in Ohio, right?" or, "I remember you mentioned you love to ski" - and the person would claim they'd never told me that. UGH. It was really hard keeping everyone's facts straight when you're in the whirlwind of meeting different men (and you're a bit of a scatter-brained blond). So aim to be better at this skill than I was. :grin2:

That's all I got for now.


----------



## SunCMars

For the talk and messages to continue both sides must feed the need. If only one side seems interested, ah, the flame just flickers out. And should, if that is the case, as both must feel the wanting...


----------



## Lila

southbound said:


> I sometimes encounter those profiles, and yes, they are interesting to me. If I see a profile that describes herself as “homebody” or writes, “I’m just a simple woman and laid back.” Yes, I am attracted to that. I realize that is probably a bit of exaggeration too; just because one is a homebody doesn’t mean they never leave the house, but to me, that just seems more realistic. One profile read, “I don’t have any exciting hobbies because I’m too busy doing laundry.” That doesn’t mean she never sees the outside, but it’s just her way of saying she leads a real life instead of trying to pretend she’s jumping out of a plane every weekend. I find that attractive.


Did you reach out to this woman? She sounds like someone right up your alley.


----------



## Lila

AliceA said:


> That's a big problem right there. One of the guys I'd be happy to meet actually lives over 1000km away. He says he would move to be with 'the one', but that doesn't help when you have to actually meet them to know whether you're even interested. He's persisting though, even after I said he should look closer to home... :scratchhead:


Some people can do long distance relationship (LDR) and others cannot. Also "long-distance" is relative. What one person considers "near enough" may be another person's "BFE".

I live in a large metro area where traffic is notoriously bad. I have my search radius set to 25 miles (40 km) but would consider someone between 25 - 40 (65 km) if they check off every other box. Anything beyond 40 miles (64 km) is LDR territory and not something I would consider.


----------



## uhtred

It can depend on the person's situation. For some people traveling a thousand km to meet someone is not big deal at all, for others its a huge barrier. 

If I were not marred, i wouldn't have a problem traveling a thousand km for a date. (I feel like I spend half my life on airplanes so its not a big deal).





AliceA said:


> That's a big problem right there. One of the guys I'd be happy to meet actually lives over 1000km away. He says he would move to be with 'the one', but that doesn't help when you have to actually meet them to know whether you're even interested. He's persisting though, even after I said he should look closer to home... :scratchhead:


----------



## uhtred

Skydiving and many other "solo" sports are a lot more social that you might think. The actual dive is just a few minutes but you can spend a day with the other people doing it before and after. 




Laurentium said:


> Yeah, and to me, that speaks of an emptiness inside them.
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting. I'd need to pick that apart a bit because for me, "creative" and "skydiving" don't go together at all, very much the opposite. Nor "communication". Skydiving is, basically, a solitary activity where you don't have to communicate or interact with people at any deep level. Perfect for those with social anxiety. All those high-adrenalin things seem designed to keep human contact at bay. But they make for good facebook statuses.
> 
> So for me, looking for a partner, creative is good. Skydiving is bad. Communication is good. Hobbies bad. So I feel like either I misunderstood you or else I 50% agree with you.
> 
> I'd substitute the word "passion" for "hobbies". Hobbies makes me think of stamp collecting or making preserves. I have no hobbies. I have rhythm and purpose. I have two or three things that are important to me, central to my life. I don't need the other person to participate in them, but I do need them to like me talking about them occasionally. I expect the same from them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lila said:


> Some people can do long distance relationship (LDR) and others cannot. Also "long-distance" is relative. What one person considers "near enough" may be another person's "BFE".
> 
> I live in a large metro area where traffic is notoriously bad. I have my search radius set to 25 miles (40 km) but would consider someone between 25 - 40 (65 km) if they check off every other box. Anything beyond 40 miles (64 km) is LDR territory and not something I would consider.


Traffic around DC is so awful, that if someone's profile says they live on the other side of the city (or in certain parts of the city), in my mind, that's way too far away, even though in distance, it's maybe at most 10 miles away... because it will take 30-40 minutes to get there WITHOUT traffic, far longer if for some reason I want to take public transit, and more than $50 if I need to take a Uber or a cab. All of that after you spend 1-2 hrs (or more a day!) on your commute.

That being said, if he was a really great guy, I might make an exception.

If it was a less densely populated area, distance would be less of an issue. Like, if I was living in the town where I grew up... 20, 30, or even 40 miles would be a cinch.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## 2&out

Thank you Uhtred. Skydiving IS a social activity. I'm not hard core but it's a damn fun adrenaline rush every couple years. And always with a date / friends. Has always been a great day.

Different strokes for different folks. "Lets read books together and ponder the authors thoughts". Next !


----------



## uhtred

There is a huge range of what people enjoy -and that is great. I'd go crazy spending the evening in a noisy club where I can't even talk to my date. For others its perfect. 

My favorite thing to do is hiking in the mountains. 

The good think about OLD is that (if people are honest) they can find others that are compatible. Skydiving is neither better or worse than sitting in a cafe enjoying a cappuccino and talking about art, or than sitting on a beach at a resort drinking something with a paper umbrella. 

I never learned to skydive until I was too old. I have done dual parapente jumps in the mountains and I wish I were young enough to learn to do that solo. I just have to settle for flying airplanes. 






2&out said:


> Thank you Uhtred. Skydiving IS a social activity. I'm not hard core but it's a damn fun adrenaline rush every couple years. And always with a date / friends. Has always been a great day.
> 
> Different strokes for different folks. "Lets read books together and ponder the authors thoughts". Next !


----------



## Faithful Wife

uhtred said:


> It can depend on the person's situation. For some people traveling a thousand km to meet someone is not big deal at all, for others its a huge barrier.
> 
> If I were not marred, i wouldn't have a problem traveling a thousand km for a date. (I feel like I spend half my life on airplanes so its not a big deal).


That makes sense in the abstract but it doesn’t really work well if you want a boyfriend who can pop over on a Wednesday night and ravage you.

If you have to wait for the next time the person can travel to you again and then you can only have a few days at a time together, it doesn’t work for someone who needs a regular lover.

I have a friend who is literally in a long distance marriage. But both she and her husband are pretty much LD so it works for them.


----------



## Elizabeth001

LDRs don’t work for me. XH and I started out that way and basically only saw each other on the weekends. I would daydream all week about how it would be when we were together and I think that was what I fell in love with. The reality was quite the opposite and led to a terrible marriage and divorce. 

IMO...you can’t really get to know each other over weekends. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred

I think in the original post the person had indicated the possibility of relocating. I agree that long term over a long distance doesn't work. I may have misunderstood the original post.




Faithful Wife said:


> That makes sense in the abstract but it doesn’t really work well if you want a boyfriend who can pop over on a Wednesday night and ravage you.
> 
> If you have to wait for the next time the person can travel to you again and then you can only have a few days at a time together, it doesn’t work for someone who needs a regular lover.
> 
> I have a friend who is literally in a long distance marriage. But both she and her husband are pretty much LD so it works for them.


----------



## Faithful Wife

uhtred said:


> I think in the original post the person had indicated the possibility of relocating. I agree that long term over a long distance doesn't work. I may have misunderstood the original post.


I guess if the person was retired or just didn't work but had plenty of money to fly out, get to know me, and then be willing to establish residency near me, or at least maybe a 3 month deal, to see if things would work out....then maybe...?

It just seems like so much to do and not know what to expect out of it, when there are literally thousands of local people we could both connect with and not go through that.

My friend in the long distance marriage, they had a long history together and knew each other long before they started dating. So they already had an idea of how they may work out or not. And then like I said, they are both LD so that part never bothered them. If it weren't for them already knowing each other, I don't think they would have done this. Just too hard to get to know each other when they only could see each other like maybe once a month (which is still true).


----------



## southbound

Lila said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> I sometimes encounter those profiles, and yes, they are interesting to me. If I see a profile that describes herself as “homebody” or writes, “I’m just a simple woman and laid back.” Yes, I am attracted to that. I realize that is probably a bit of exaggeration too; just because one is a homebody doesn’t mean they never leave the house, but to me, that just seems more realistic. One profile read, “I don’t have any exciting hobbies because I’m too busy doing laundry.” That doesn’t mean she never sees the outside, but it’s just her way of saying she leads a real life instead of trying to pretend she’s jumping out of a plane every weekend. I find that attractive.
> 
> 
> 
> Did you reach out to this woman? She sounds like someone right up your alley.
Click to expand...

I did, but we both agreed that we lived too far away for it to work. 

Concerning the boring thing, I’m more interested in what a woman’s lifestyle is like 80% of the time and not the 20%. I assume we all have careers/jobs, lawns to mow, groceries to buy, and things of that nature. When a woman makes it appear that her life is all traveling, kayaking, and laughing around a campfire, it just seems like overkill to me. At my age, I’m looking for “real” and not a reality show lifestyle.


----------



## 2&out

Agree with you sb but isn't that a given ? IMO we all have to do/deal with that/life. To me, are you efficient at that - not obsessed with "all perfect", and what do you do with the spare time you can make ? In my life I've seen this as a separator. I'm pooped from living/managing my regular life so need to chill/recover, or what can I go do/experience. The can do or excuses why can't. 

I am not trying to criticize. I can't live my life being "too busy" with "life" for adventure / fun. The adventure fun is what makes my life worth living and looking forward to what's next. But that is me - and I'm certainly not everyones cup of tea.   And yes I am / can be "exhausting" to some. LOL. 

Finding a true/right companion on the same wavelength is hard. I think no matter how / what avenue anyone takes to find. I twice thought I had. Third time lucky ? I will see... my expectation of that are low so I try to treat every time as it may be my last time she tolerates me. She's here / sleeping so I guess I've made it one more day !


----------



## AliceA

Well, I've gotten very bored with the LD guy. This is obviously half my fault, because I don't see it going anywhere, I'm not devoting much energy to it.

Personally I prefer a more down to earth guy. I've seen some profiles that are very much along the same wavelength as me. Basically, I like doing stuff, but I also like not doing stuff, lol.

I'm struggling a little to deal with the compliments via text. I've typed "that's sweet", "thank you" etc and I feel like I just don't know what's expected here. I'm not actually finding many men there attractive, and if I do, I don't know if they need me to boost their ego any further tbh, as they seem full enough of themselves already.

Compliments given during intimate moments (the last guy I was with was absurdly good at this) are a huge turn on. When a person knows me very well, it feels genuine and I really appreciate it. When it's someone I hardly know, or don't know at all, I struggle.


----------



## lovelygirl

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, and to me, that speaks of an emptiness inside them.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting. I'd need to pick that apart a bit because for me, "creative" and "skydiving" don't go together at all, very much the opposite. Nor "communication". Skydiving is, basically, a solitary activity where you don't have to communicate or interact with people at any deep level. Perfect for those with social anxiety. All those high-adrenalin things seem designed to keep human contact at bay. But they make for good facebook statuses.
> 
> 
> 
> So for me, looking for a partner, creative is good. Skydiving is bad. Communication is good. Hobbies bad. So I feel like either I misunderstood you or else I 50% agree with you.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd substitute the word "passion" for "hobbies". Hobbies makes me think of stamp collecting or making preserves. I have no hobbies. I have rhythm and purpose. I have two or three things that are important to me, central to my life. I don't need the other person to participate in them, but I do need them to like me talking about them occasionally. I expect the same from them.


Interesting POV! 

Well, with reference to skydiving...even if there's no interection or communication with the other person, as long as we do something together OR as long as my date/SO (frequentely) does things to break the routine and leave the home, I'd consider it sufficient. 

Whether it's a high-adrenaline activity(AHA) or a low-paced one, it doesn't really bother me.... , (though I have no info if AHA is for those who have social anxiety) as long as the other person has ideas and is creative with OUR time together then I'd consider him interesting.

It might be though that he has comminutcation issues(which to me would be a deal breaker) though he is creative by nature...that'd be a tough choice!

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

AliceA said:


> Well, I've gotten very bored with the LD guy. This is obviously half my fault, because I don't see it going anywhere, I'm not devoting much energy to it.
> 
> Personally I prefer a more down to earth guy. I've seen some profiles that are very much along the same wavelength as me. Basically, I like doing stuff, but I also like not doing stuff, lol.
> 
> I'm struggling a little to deal with the compliments via text. I've typed "that's sweet", "thank you" etc and I feel like I just don't know what's expected here. I'm not actually finding many men there attractive, and if I do, I don't know if they need me to boost their ego any further tbh, as they seem full enough of themselves already.
> 
> Compliments given during intimate moments (the last guy I was with was absurdly good at this) are a huge turn on. When a person knows me very well, it feels genuine and I really appreciate it. When it's someone I hardly know, or don't know at all, I struggle.


I think there are two types of guys who compliment a lot in the beginning stages. Ones who are sincere and are just expressing their admiration, and ones who are going to try to use the compliments to ramp it up into a sexual conversation. Both types may over do it but the second type will steer it towards sexual innuendo or blatant remarks very quickly.

If I feel like a guy has already understood that I am a very sexual person and I don’t mind sexual banter as long as they accept that I’m not actually going to have sex with them unless we have several dates and are exclusive first, then I will discuss sexual topics with them as a way of getting to know if we are going to be compatible that way. Some guys can do this well and discuss things without thinking it means I am going to **** them on a first date. They just know we are talking about how we are in a relationship, not making promises of how I will be towards them immediately. 

Other guys just cannot stop themselves from pushing me to say specific things towards or about them. They show their hand pretty quickly and I block them.

A guy recently, began with lots of compliments. He was very attractive to me and I paid him some back. We had a decent conversation and I felt he was good enough to meet in person. I had said upfront that I’m looking for a boyfriend and I don’t have sex outside of exclusivity and only after I know after several dates that he is a decent man. He went overboard to agree with me and said he’s not looking for hookups.

We started making plans to meet and he asked me what my favorite drink is. I said champagne (which isn’t actually true but I don’t typically drink hard liquor on a first date). He said “I’ve heard champagne is an aphrodisiac” with a winky face.

I said “since I’ve already said that I don’t have sex outside of exclusivity, what is the point of that comment?”

He fumbled all over himself and sent 3 or 4 short messages in a row. I was just saying I’ve heard that. I thought it was interesting. I thought maybe you didn’t know that, etc.

I said “but since it has nothing to do with me or us or a first date and I’m expressing to you that I’m not going to have sex with you on a first date, why would you think I may find it interesting that champagne is an aphrodisiac?”

He babbled some more trying to back track. So I unmatched and blocked him.

Anyway...I don’t think this was necessarily what your post was about, but I thought I would describe the difference between mutually consensual sexual banter, and a guy who ignores what you are actually saying and keeps pressing for immediate sex. They all start with compliments.


----------



## southbound

2&out said:


> Agree with you sb but isn't that a given ? IMO we all have to do/deal with that/life. To me, are you efficient at that - not obsessed with "all perfect", and what do you do with the spare time you can make ? In my life I've seen this as a separator. I'm pooped from living/managing my regular life so need to chill/recover, or what can I go do/experience. The can do or excuses why can't.
> 
> I am not trying to criticize. I can't live my life being "too busy" with "life" for adventure / fun. The adventure fun is what makes my life worth living and looking forward to what's next. But that is me - and I'm certainly not everyones cup of tea.   And yes I am / can be "exhausting" to some. LOL.
> 
> Finding a true/right companion on the same wavelength is hard. I think no matter how / what avenue anyone takes to find. I twice thought I had. Third time lucky ? I will see... my expectation of that are low so I try to treat every time as it may be my last time she tolerates me. She's here / sleeping so I guess I've made it one more day !


I suppose it's a given to a point, but I feel that is what shapes a person's personality to a great degree. I guess I'm just too old fashioned, but I would feel really strange putting on my profile something like, "I'm looking for adventure." I suppose it could just be semantics, and sometimes one word is as good as another, but I just like a little taste of reality. A lot of women's profiles look more like something one would see on the bachelorette. That just says to me that they are not so much interested in having fun fixing supper together and communicating on the sofa after a hard days work, but they are constantly planning an activity, at least that's the impression they give, and maybe that's their true lifestyle. I realize there are the "mountain-climbing-adventure" types out there; that doesn't puzzle me, but I didn't realize everybody fit that category. 

I lift weights three times a week and sing in a band a couple times a month, but I don't even put that in my profile because I don't think it defines me at all. I spend a lot of time relaxing with Netflix too. I consider myself very laid back.


----------



## wilson

Maybe it would be useful if profiles described what typical scenarios would be like:

- This is how it would be to date me ...
- This is how it would be to go on vacation with me ...
- This is how a typical day would be if we were in a relationship ...
- This is how a typical weeknight would be ...
- This is how a typical weekend would be ...

For someone looking for a long-term relationship, descriptions like that would probably be helpful to as a tool to know if you are overall compatible with the other person. Even if someone likes something such as hiking, there's a difference between hiking occasionally on vacation versus every other weekend. Camping is another confusing one. For some people, "camping" is going to a packed campground where you socialize with everyone and drink beer. For other people, it's putting on a backpack and disappearing into the woods. They can be very different experiences, and very incompatible to the wrong personality.


----------



## southbound

wilson said:


> Maybe it would be useful if profiles described what typical scenarios would be like:
> 
> - This is how it would be to date me ...
> - This is how it would be to go on vacation with me ...
> - This is how a typical day would be if we were in a relationship ...
> - This is how a typical weeknight would be ...
> - This is how a typical weekend would be ...
> 
> For someone looking for a long-term relationship, descriptions like that would probably be helpful to as a tool to know if you are overall compatible with the other person. Even if someone likes something such as hiking, there's a difference between hiking occasionally on vacation versus every other weekend. Camping is another confusing one. For some people, "camping" is going to a packed campground where you socialize with everyone and drink beer. For other people, it's putting on a backpack and disappearing into the woods. They can be very different experiences, and very incompatible to the wrong personality.


I would much rather see a profile like that than what I usually see. You are correct too in that the reality of activities vary from person to person.


----------



## AliceA

Faithful Wife said:


> I think there are two types of guys who compliment a lot in the beginning stages. Ones who are sincere and are just expressing their admiration, and ones who are going to try to use the compliments to ramp it up into a sexual conversation. Both types may over do it but the second type will steer it towards sexual innuendo or blatant remarks very quickly.
> 
> If I feel like a guy has already understood that I am a very sexual person and I don’t mind sexual banter as long as they accept that I’m not actually going to have sex with them unless we have several dates and are exclusive first, then I will discuss sexual topics with them as a way of getting to know if we are going to be compatible that way. Some guys can do this well and discuss things without thinking it means I am going to **** them on a first date. They just know we are talking about how we are in a relationship, not making promises of how I will be towards them immediately.
> 
> Other guys just cannot stop themselves from pushing me to say specific things towards or about them. They show their hand pretty quickly and I block them.
> 
> A guy recently, began with lots of compliments. He was very attractive to me and I paid him some back. We had a decent conversation and I felt he was good enough to meet in person. I had said upfront that I’m looking for a boyfriend and I don’t have sex outside of exclusivity and only after I know after several dates that he is a decent man. He went overboard to agree with me and said he’s not looking for hookups.
> 
> We started making plans to meet and he asked me what my favorite drink is. I said champagne (which isn’t actually true but I don’t typically drink hard liquor on a first date). He said “I’ve heard champagne is an aphrodisiac” with a winky face.
> 
> I said “since I’ve already said that I don’t have sex outside of exclusivity, what is the point of that comment?”
> 
> He fumbled all over himself and sent 3 or 4 short messages in a row. I was just saying I’ve heard that. I thought it was interesting. I thought maybe you didn’t know that, etc.
> 
> I said “but since it has nothing to do with me or us or a first date and I’m expressing to you that I’m not going to have sex with you on a first date, why would you think I may find it interesting that champagne is an aphrodisiac?”
> 
> He babbled some more trying to back track. So I unmatched and blocked him.
> 
> Anyway...I don’t think this was necessarily what your post was about, but I thought I would describe the difference between mutually consensual sexual banter, and a guy who ignores what you are actually saying and keeps pressing for immediate sex. They all start with compliments.


I like that you called him on it. I'm a bit over the suggestive comments that are trying to push me into a space I've been pretty clear is not where I want to go before even meeting someone. Even after explaining that I don't flirt with anyone until I've met them and I'm interested in pursuing something further, some will keep pushing. I just find it aggravating and I couldn't be bothered with them anymore. I get the impression that it's the ones who have little respect for women that behave this way.

I enjoy flirting as much as the next person, but I can't do it with multiple people at a time. It just makes me feel like a heel. I'd rather just keep it platonic until I can see it going somewhere. I feel like that when I do meet someone I want to keep seeing, he won't have it in the back of his mind that if I was flirting straight away with him, then how many other guys was I saying the same thing to at the same time?


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> FW, you know I love you, but...
> 
> It's easy and fun for you because you're one of the super hot women! It is neither easy nor fun for a women who doesn't fall into the super hot category.
> 
> I have an awful time with OLD. It sucks. I struggle to get any guys to chat with me, and the few that I've chatted with never get to the "let's meet" stage. Seriously, the only men who pursue me are the fugly ones, and sorry not sorry, I can't be with someone that I'm not attracted to. (And I'm not being snooty or picky, I've found guys who were completely average attractive.)
> 
> And you've seen pics of me, FW. I'm not a dog :/
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I’ve seen pics Of you as well. You are certainly attractive. :grin2:

OLD is way more than just looks. Some of it is just being unique or having something honest and sincere to say. It’s certainly a different experience for women than men. I am average looking and never had problems getting dates with “ hot” women. Dated models and fitness instructors. The again I don’t believe in “leagues” anyway so I just ask out anyone I found attractive. It’s kinda just a numbers game with guys


----------



## Faithful Wife

AliceA said:


> I like that you called him on it. I'm a bit over the suggestive comments that are trying to push me into a space I've been pretty clear is not where I want to go before even meeting someone. Even after explaining that I don't flirt with anyone until I've met them and I'm interested in pursuing something further, some will keep pushing. I just find it aggravating and I couldn't be bothered with them anymore. I get the impression that it's the ones who have little respect for women that behave this way.
> 
> I enjoy flirting as much as the next person, but I can't do it with multiple people at a time. It just makes me feel like a heel. I'd rather just keep it platonic until I can see it going somewhere. I feel like that when I do meet someone I want to keep seeing, he won't have it in the back of his mind that if I was flirting straight away with him, then how many other guys was I saying the same thing to at the same time?


The thing is, at the chatting/texting stage before meeting someone, it’s just talk and no one should take any of it too seriously. I don’t think guys are wondering what you may be texting to other guys because they are probably texting other women too, and we all know it’s just words. No guy has ever questioned me on a date about who else I’m talking to or what I’m saying and I have never wondered what they are saying to other women.

It’s when you are actually going on second and third dates with someone that people start wondering if you are seeing other people. And then the question of exclusivity comes up, but not before then. So this is why I make it very clear I don’t have sex outside exclusivity, so a date will realize if I’m on a date with him, I’m not exclusive with anyone at that time and also not having sex with anyone. I may have other first dates lined up but I’m not out screwing a bunch of people.

I’m usually dating guys who are also seeking exclusivity so I assume they are not sleeping with a bunch of people. I don’t actually ask them because if they are still boinking a FWB or something, I don’t actually care at that stage. I only care if we move forward and become exclusive with each other.

Best practice is to not even think about who else they are talking to at first, and assume they don’t think of who you are talking to. If you vibe well, you will want to get each other off the market but before then, we are all free agents.


----------



## lovelygirl

Faithful Wife said:


> I think there are two types of guys who compliment a lot in the beginning stages. Ones who are sincere and are just expressing their admiration, and ones who are going to try to use the compliments to ramp it up into a sexual conversation. Both types may over do it but the second type will steer it towards sexual innuendo or blatant remarks very quickly.


Definitely.

I once met a guy who *on our first date* showed me the door of the hotel and which I actually, VERY much disliked.

After finishing our drinks, he wanted us to spend the night at a hotel just because during our conversations that night, I started talking freely about sex and how Albanian women should feel free expressing their sexual desires (because most of them don't, out of insecurities and the mentality in general). 

Apparently, he got this as a message that I wanted sex that night with him  because he was used to women being insecure about their sexual desires and very uncommunicative about such topics... and he thought suddenly I was a miracle. :slap: and it was a given for him that sex was on the table right away.

I was like...._WTF???? Take me home_! He then said:_But you started talking about sex _
I said _So what???? I_ _still hold true to that belief but it didn't mean I want to have sex *with you, tonight.*_!!!

And yeah, I had known him on Tinder. Though he overloaded me with compliments, little did he know that such overload was nothing new to me and wouldn't impress me to any bit.

It was our first and only date, thank God.


----------



## Faithful Wife

lovelygirl said:


> Though he overloaded me with compliments, little did he know that such overload was nothing new to me and wouldn't impress me to any bit.


Right. Compliments about what I look like are sweet and all, but they do not actually make me more fond of someone. And guys should always assume that since most guys hand out compliments in the early stages, it’s not really anything special to get them from a guy who is trying to date us, they are all doing it.

The compliments that mean something to me are when in person they notice something that is valuable about me, beyond what I look like. Such as being a nice person or having a sharp wit, stuff like that.

Wish you could date in the US! It sounds like you would have more good matches here. :grin2:


----------



## lovelygirl

Faithful Wife said:


> Right. Compliments about what I look like are sweet and all, but they do not actually make me more fond of someone. And guys should always assume that since most guys hand out compliments in the early stages, it’s not really anything special to get them from a guy who is trying to date us, they are all doing it.
> 
> The compliments that mean something to me are when in person they notice something that is valuable about me, beyond what I look like. Such as being a nice person or having a sharp wit, stuff like that.
> 
> Wish you could date in the US! It sounds like you would have more good matches here. :grin2:


That's true. The superficial things are always seen by everyone but the thing is ...what a special person specifically sees in you that goes beyond the superficial...that makes that person different from the rest.


----------



## lovelygirl

Yeah, I think dating in US would be better for me. I am so unlucky with the options I am offered in Albania.

So so unlucky. Like really!!!!


----------



## Faithful Wife

lovelygirl said:


> Yeah, I think dating in US would be better for me. I am so unlucky with the options I am offered in Albania.
> 
> So so unlucky. Like really!!!!


We have our share of douche canoes here too, but overall it sounds like we have a lot more decent, progressive minded men here compared to there.


----------



## lovelygirl

Faithful Wife said:


> We have our share of douche canoes here too, but overall it sounds like we have a lot more decent, progressive minded men here compared to there.


Yeah sure, just like everywhere, there are *********s and decent guys, but I don't feel like I fit here.

The thing is that ... I live here. :| I was born here. My life is here. :|


----------



## Faithful Wife

lovelygirl said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> We have our share of douche canoes here too, but overall it sounds like we have a lot more decent, progressive minded men here compared to there.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah sure, just like everywhere, there are *********s and decent guys, but I don't feel like I fit here.
> 
> The thing is that ... I live here. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_plain.png" border="0" alt="" title="Serious" ></a> I was born here. My life is here. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_plain.png" border="0" alt="" title="Serious" ></a>
Click to expand...

Makes sense...is there any type of American or other ex-pat social groups in your country, where you may meet someone who lives there but came from a different culture that is a bit more awesome and a bit less douche? I’m imagining some lovely Brit or Aussie or American man who is looking for a woman just like you. 🙂


----------



## lovelygirl

Faithful Wife said:


> Makes sense...is there any type of American or other ex-pat social groups in your country, where you may meet someone who lives there but came from a different culture that is a bit more awesome and a bit less douche? I’m imagining some lovely Brit or Aussie or American man who is looking for a woman just like you. 🙂


The thing is that...those who come here for work live in other cities - not where I live and also lead a very loosy life - get drunk often, are looking to have just ONS because they know it's a temporary thing ...or maybe they already have a life back in States waiting for them.

I have met some of them, but haven't really felt the spark or the desire to meet them again. :crying:


----------



## AliceA

Faithful Wife said:


> The thing is, at the chatting/texting stage before meeting someone, it’s just talk and no one should take any of it too seriously. I don’t think guys are wondering what you may be texting to other guys because they are probably texting other women too, and we all know it’s just words. No guy has ever questioned me on a date about who else I’m talking to or what I’m saying and I have never wondered what they are saying to other women.
> 
> It’s when you are actually going on second and third dates with someone that people start wondering if you are seeing other people. And then the question of exclusivity comes up, but not before then. So this is why I make it very clear I don’t have sex outside exclusivity, so a date will realize if I’m on a date with him, I’m not exclusive with anyone at that time and also not having sex with anyone. I may have other first dates lined up but I’m not out screwing a bunch of people.
> 
> I’m usually dating guys who are also seeking exclusivity so I assume they are not sleeping with a bunch of people. I don’t actually ask them because if they are still boinking a FWB or something, I don’t actually care at that stage. I only care if we move forward and become exclusive with each other.
> 
> Best practice is to not even think about who else they are talking to at first, and assume they don’t think of who you are talking to. If you vibe well, you will want to get each other off the market but before then, we are all free agents.


At this point I guess I'm just happy to avoid drama :laugh:

I feel like when I flirt, they think I'm going to fall in love with them on the first date. Let's just say I had a less than great experience at the start.


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> I’ve seen pics Of you as well. You are certainly attractive. :grin2:
> 
> 
> 
> OLD is way more than just looks. Some of it is just being unique or having something honest and sincere to say. It’s certainly a different experience for women than men. I am average looking and never had problems getting dates with “ hot” women. Dated models and fitness instructors. The again I don’t believe in “leagues” anyway so I just ask out anyone I found attractive. It’s kinda just a numbers game with guys


Thanks 

I am very forthright on my profile about a) not wanting children, and b) not wanting date someone with children. That rules out a LOT of men in my age range, and that may be why I'm not getting many matches, if they are actually reading my profile. It's also why I'm marking "not interested" in a lot of men who, if they didn't have children, I would be very interested in.

I had a lovely chat with someone I matched with on Happn. When we matched, I sent a pretty generic, "Hi, how's your day going?" and he responded almost right away to apologize that he hadn't read my profile fully, and that he has kids, so it wouldn't be a good match. We exchanged a few more messages, and I thought, what a shame! Because he could have been a great fit otherwise. But I need to stay true to myself and what I'm looking for, and kids (either my own or someone else's) simply don't mesh with how I want to live my life.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Elizabeth001

And then there are the ones who check off all of the boxes but the chemistry just isn’t there when you meet 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks
> 
> I am very forthright on my profile about a) not wanting children, and b) not wanting date someone with children. That rules out a LOT of men in my age range, and that may be why I'm not getting many matches, if they are actually reading my profile. It's also why I'm marking "not interested" in a lot of men who, if they didn't have children, I would be very interested in.
> 
> I had a lovely chat with someone I matched with on Happn. When we matched, I sent a pretty generic, "Hi, how's your day going?" and he responded almost right away to apologize that he hadn't read my profile fully, and that he has kids, so it wouldn't be a good match. We exchanged a few more messages, and I thought, what a shame! Because he could have been a great fit otherwise. But I need to stay true to myself and what I'm looking for, and kids (either my own or someone else's) simply don't mesh with how I want to live my life.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Yes I can see that it will take a lot patience to find what you’re looking for. Least you’re honest. When I made my profile did the same thing in reverse that I was only interested in women with kids. It’s always best to be specific and honest in my opinion


----------



## Faithful Wife

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks
> 
> I am very forthright on my profile about a) not wanting children, and b) not wanting date someone with children. That rules out a LOT of men in my age range, and that may be why I'm not getting many matches, if they are actually reading my profile. It's also why I'm marking "not interested" in a lot of men who, if they didn't have children, I would be very interested in.
> 
> I had a lovely chat with someone I matched with on Happn. When we matched, I sent a pretty generic, "Hi, how's your day going?" and he responded almost right away to apologize that he hadn't read my profile fully, and that he has kids, so it wouldn't be a good match. We exchanged a few more messages, and I thought, what a shame! Because he could have been a great fit othaerwise. But I need to stay true to myself and what I'm looking for, and kids (either my own or someone else's) simply don't mesh with how I want to live my life.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I don’t want to date someone who has little kids. Teens I could handle if it was a good situation in their family in general. I bypass everyone who says they want more kids. Adult kids like mine are no problem.

This is a lot of guys so yes, that eliminates a lot of guys.

Add to that:

No dead fish (probably the most common eliminator for me, a large percentage in my area.) Ew.

Can’t live more than about 20 miles away at most and I’d prefer 20 minutes or less to get to each other’s residence (this eliminates a lot of them). It really depends on what direction they live in and the traffic patterns to and from.

If they mark “hookups” or “something casual”. Even if they also mark relationships (on some sites you can choose multiple types of “what you’re looking for” and others you can’t). I just avoid these.

Anyone who is poly or in an open relationship. Thankfully out here, they all just come out with it immediately. They want people who know what they are getting into because there is a big poly/open population here and they have the hang of it now. They have learned how to have a good dating community amongst themselves, using the same apps everyone else does. Good on them! But I avoid them, and that’s another fair amount of people.

Then of course my physical and political filters.

And yet....there are still lots of men who fit these parameters. Most are still not a match with me for one reason or another but I see lots of them. I definitely think it matters what your population size is and the amount of single people in your range. 

Also I’m very patient. I’m willing to wait years to find a good match, because I think it can take years if you aren’t going to settle, and it will be worth it. 

No saying there would be no boyfriends in the meantime. But even a boyfriend is not an easy thing to find because you’ve got to both be looking for the same level of commitment and it means different things to different people.

When I get tired of it, like I am now, I have more fun on Facebook, TAM, and Netflix. :laugh:


----------



## lovelygirl

Elizabeth001 said:


> And then there are the ones who check off all of the boxes but the chemistry just isn’t there when you meet
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Huh. Yeah. Logically they are Mr.Right, but then...there's not emotion or whatever. 

Yep. Familiar!


----------



## lovelygirl

Why are some people so dumb???

Some seriously need some reading comprehension or need to go back to school.

Not only should they read the profile FIRST before asking me the same questions and make me repeat myself, but they should also ask questions to go deeper to what it's stated there.

I just unmatched a boring 36.yo.man who asked me if I like animals, while I have already stated in my profile that I am an _animal lover, especially dogs - to be exact, chow-chows. _

Him: do you like animals?
me: go read my profile before asking questions
him: ah yeah, sorry .. you like dogs. great. me too! what's your fave type? 
me: sounds like you didn't really read my profile. 
him: ah sorry, yeah chow chow. I have a labrador. ...

_..... I wasn't replying back anymore.
_
him again: so, what do you for a living? 
me: gotta unmatch you. you're too dummy for me. 

and then, done! unmtached.

************************

I have explicitely stated in my profile that I'm a lawyer and what my hobbies are. I've also stated that I'm not interested in ONS or anything meaningless. That I also dislike boring people, who don't know how to keep a convo... and I have explicitly stated that everyone should read my profile before wasting my time with questions whose answers are obviously stated there.


----------



## AliceA

lovelygirl said:


> Why are some people so dumb???
> 
> Some seriously need some reading comprehension or need to go back to school.
> 
> Not only should they read the profile FIRST before asking me the same questions and make me repeat myself, but they should also ask questions to go deeper to what it's stated there.
> 
> I just unmatched a boring 36.yo.man who asked me if I like animals, while I have already stated in my profile that I am an _animal lover, especially dogs - to be exact, chow-chows. _
> 
> Him: do you like animals?
> me: go read my profile before asking questions
> him: ah yeah, sorry .. you like dogs. great. me too! what's your fave type?
> me: sounds like you didn't really read my profile.
> him: ah sorry, yeah chow chow. I have a labrador. ...
> 
> _..... I wasn't replying back anymore.
> _
> him again: so, what do you for a living?
> me: gotta unmatch you. you're too dummy for me.
> 
> and then, done! unmtached.
> 
> ************************
> 
> I have explicitely stated in my profile that I'm a lawyer and what my hobbies are. I've also stated that I'm not interested in ONS or anything meaningless. That I also dislike boring people, who don't know how to keep a convo... and I have explicitly stated that everyone should read my profile before wasting my time with questions whose answers are obviously stated there.


Nice, "you're too dummy for me", I like that. :laugh:

I've found I have a much greater urge to respond to someone who states straight up that they liked my profile, or say something that indicates that they read it.


----------



## AliceA

I came across someone that got to me a bit. I went for a date on Sunday with a guy who lives 1.5hrs drive away. It was unlikely to go anywhere due to distance, and I told him that, but he really wanted to come meet, so he drove to me.

I was thinking after the date that maybe he could grow on me if it wasn't for the distance. Maybe we could be friends. We'd been swapping music prior to this and he messaged me shortly after getting home asking to send him a song. I sent him the one playing from my playlist (which has over 400 songs on shuffle), and told him it was just one I liked from my playlist. After a message telling me that my ex was stupid, blah blah, he said "my dilemma is when he reaslises what he lost, he is going to come calling. No disrespect, but I think you would take him back for the kid's sake".

THEN, "The last song tells me, you still love him. Nothing wrong with that my friend" etc

Initially I just dismissed that thinking, he has no idea who I am, what I feel or what I would do. I told him I just liked the song, and that they lyrics weren't about me or my thoughts.

Then I got angry, and that increased as the next day rolled over. I told him it wasn't going to happen, nicely, the next morning.

He wanted to be friends still. He called me last night to apologise for being rude, which surprised me that he realised, and said he liked me but would be happy to just be friends.

My dilemma is, he's shown me now, he seemed like a nice guy, I thought we could be friends and he apologised, but now I can't see past that. My ex did that for 13 years. He wasn't interested in finding out how I felt, he would tell me how I felt. I'd be left feeling hurt and confused, not knowing what the **** was up or down, why he couldn't see me, doubting who I was. He dredged it up and now I'm trying to deal with this again. I just want to tell him to **** off.


----------



## Faithful Wife

It really isn’t worth it to make them into friends. If you did, then he would be around while you are trying to date new guys and just be in the way.


----------



## Elizabeth001

Faithful Wife said:


> It really isn’t worth it to make them into friends. If you did, then he would be around while you are trying to date new guys and just be in the way.




Yep and the majority of “let’s be friends” is them waiting for the next moment when they can take advantage and swoop back in 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## lovelygirl

AliceA said:


> He wanted to be friends still. He called me last night to apologise for being rude, which surprised me that he realised, and said he liked me but would be happy to just be friends.
> 
> My dilemma is, he's shown me now, he seemed like a nice guy, I thought we could be friends and he apologised, but now I can't see past that. My ex did that for 13 years. He wasn't interested in finding out how I felt, he would tell me how I felt. I'd be left feeling hurt and confused, not knowing what the **** was up or down, why he couldn't see me, doubting who I was. He dredged it up and now I'm trying to deal with this again. I just want to tell him to **** off.


No no no girl. No wasted-time friendship.

Just unmatch/unfriend/block him and you're all set. You don't owe him anything and certainly don't need to keep him around if you don't want to.


----------



## AliceA

I'm a bit surprised, but I think I've met someone I like. I didn't really think I would. It's funny how things work. Without the online bit first, I might not have given him a chance, as he's not like anyone I've ever dated before. I think that's a positive thing though. I guess time will tell.


----------



## lovelygirl

oh...nice to hear that @AliceA ! :laugh:


Will you keep us updated?


----------



## southbound

Diana7 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> Be glad that you'll never get it!! Being happily married beats all the dates in the world, any day of the week.
> 
> OTOH, happily dating and chatting with a lot of hot dudes doesn't suck for a single gal. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
> 
> 
> 
> I agree with the happily married thing, but for me dating was never enjoyable, it was a means to an end. I am so grateful that I could communicate more on line, I find that far easier. I only met up with 3 men before my husband and that was 3 too many.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_plain.png" border="0" alt="" title="Serious" ></a>
Click to expand...

I’m with you. With most, I believe the dating and being with someone new is a fun time, but I wish I could just skip the get-to-know-you part and go to the part where we are comfortable and know each other.


----------



## AliceA

lovelygirl said:


> oh...nice to hear that @AliceA ! :laugh:
> 
> 
> Will you keep us updated?


I will :grin2:

It'll be a little while between times we get to spend together as he's away for work. I think that suits me okay though, as I'm very busy with study and kids etc.


----------



## AliceA

Things are going quite well. We spent a weekend together and had fun. We have a lot in common in the way we think about life, relationships etc. Planning to spend the next weekend he's back together as well, depending on whether the ex is okay with us moving time with the kids around a little bit, so instead of half a weekend every week, it's a full weekend every second weekend with the kids. I wanted to move to week on week off a while ago to make it easier to make plans both with the kids, and without them, but he wasn't keen due to work commitments. I'm thinking that maybe this is a good work around.


----------



## AliceA

I still find it hard to believe I actually found someone through OLD, but I did. I expected it to take a long time, but it didn't. I was at the point in my single life that I was envisioning it being that way forever, thinking I'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't fit me again.

We had a bit of a rocky start, and it's hard to explain, but that just made it more real.

There are moments where he starts a train of thought with, "can I tell you something?" or similar, and I can feel myself tense up inside, waiting for a verbal slap, but it's always something kind, or loving. It's amazing to be with someone like this. Regardless of where we end up, I hope I always remember how this feels right now.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Great update!! Yay!!


----------

