# BIPOLAR and hypersexuality



## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Recently I was surprised to find out that part of being bipolar is hyper sexuality. My wife was suffering from bipolar when we met. She had been to therapy and was on meds. She has been off the meds for a while still takes one for anxiety. I did not really figure the amount of sex she had before we met was due to this and her depression was related to so much casual sex. She compulsively fooled around between ages 16-24 i think with a total of almost 20 guys maybe more. I figure thats got to do something to your head? I just worry that she might some day relapse? Or with so many partners that she might get sick of me or something married for 10 years.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Women who are promiscuous in their 20's have a very hard time pair bonding with anyone later in life.
No she's not sick of you. She just no idea how to have a correct, stable relationship.
Your wife sounds like my ex. I was married 25 years to her. Divorced a couple years ago. She still cannot form a meaningful relationship with a man.
Was you wife abused as a child?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

redwingpentagon said:


> Recently I was surprised to find out that part of being bipolar is hyper sexuality. My wife was suffering from bipolar when we met. She had been to therapy and was on meds. She has been off the meds for a while still takes one for anxiety. I did not really figure the amount of sex she had before we met was due to this and her depression was related to so much casual sex. She compulsively fooled around between ages 16-24 i think with a total of almost 20 guys maybe more. I figure thats got to do something to your head? I just worry that she might some day relapse? Or with so many partners that she might get sick of me or something married for 10 years.


Don't confuse being very sexual with being very promiscuous.

Someone can be 'hyper sexual' while being bipolar while on a manic phase because they're hyper everything. Then while on a depressive phase, it can be quite the opposite.

Someone can be very promiscuous, and not be hyper sexual or sexual at all. They may be looking for validation, or self-worth, or distraction from their life. I'm not saying all promiscuous people aren't also very sexual, I'm just saying that they are two different but related things.

I know of more than one woman that was promiscuous in her youth and has happily settled down with one guy for life. It's all on how you think about it. I'm a guy, but the way I think about it is that there's very little I haven't experienced so there's a sense of 'been there and done that' about random women.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

No she was not abused as a child . Great parents that are still together. She just was diagnosed with bi polar . We have a really solid relationship. Thanks for the input. One thing is she is not super touchy not into kissing and touching nearly as much as iam always wonder if the past figures into that but she says that's how shes always been.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

It's a symptom of an illness, and bipolar is not the only mental illness with hypersexuality as a symptom. The illness needs to be treated and under control for the symptom to be under control as well. 

If your wife has regrets about her sexual past, that's a good sign that it wasn't her normal state. Though, plenty of people choose to have many sexual partners, without a mental illness being a factor.

You said she's off her meds, except the anxiety medication, was that discussed with her psychiatrist or therapist? Or did she decide to stop the meds without consulting?

Having a lot of partners doesn't mean someone will get bored of their spouse. Nor is it an excuse for the future.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

bobert said:


> It's a symptom of an illness, and bipolar is not the only mental illness with hypersexuality as a symptom. The illness needs to be treated and under control for the symptom to be under control as well.
> 
> If your wife has regrets about her sexual past, that's a good sign that it wasn't her normal state. Though, plenty of people choose to have many sexual partners, without a mental illness being a factor.
> 
> ...


She did everything with professional help and still gets into the doc when needed. She doing awesome right how. 
I get the feeling that she would take about her sex past back when she tell me it was meaningless and some of the pitfalls of that kind of behavior like i so lucky i didn't get into more trouble.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> No she was not abused as a child . Great parents that are still together. She just was diagnosed with bi polar . We have a really solid relationship. Thanks for the input. *One thing is she is not super touchy not into kissing and touching nearly as much as iam* always wonder if the past figures into that but she says that's how shes always been.


Sounds just like my ex....
My ex told me one "I don't dote on men"
She was very promiscuous when she was younger as well.
My ex was also bi polar.
The past figures in to EVERYONE'S present. 
The best you can do is to start educating yourself about how your behavior can effect her outcome.
Read "The Rational Male" 

I *seriously* think there's something in her past she has not told you about.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> Sounds just like my ex....
> My ex told me one "I don't dote on men"
> She was very promiscuous when she was younger as well.
> My ex was also bi polar.
> ...


Very interesting. I will check out the book for sure thanks. Is there some big secret she is hiding still ? Dont know does it figure into her lack of touching but desire for intercourse only?


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## BeautifulDisaster2020 (Jan 4, 2020)

Not to jump in & interrupt about my own thing, but this is actually very interesting. I had posted something about my husband & his porn addiction& being a sex addict. Has been his whole life, and he's 49... Well, he's also Bipolar/manic depressive. I never thought to connect the two. When we first got together, he was on a bunch of meds for it. But they caused a ppl ot of problems w/ sex. Soon after, he quit taking them & hasn't taken them since bc we have had a great sex life for 11 yrs & don't wanna interfere lol sounds crazy, but we handle his moods ok w/out the meds i suppose...but he's the kind of man that has to have sex/affection/reassurance to feel loved/wanted. Since he's been an addict for so long, it's going to be a long road w/ this..... Any advice? Lol before i legit start considering what our future looks like....


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## BeautifulDisaster2020 (Jan 4, 2020)

Oh, and also in his younger days he slept with a LOT of women...and I'm his 4th wife...2 of his wives he cheated on...a lot... So yea, definitely something there....


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

BeautifulDisaster2020 said:


> Not to jump in & interrupt about my own thing, but this is actually very interesting. I had posted something about my husband & his porn addiction& being a sex addict. Has been his whole life, and he's 49... Well, he's also Bipolar/manic depressive. I never thought to connect the two. When we first got together, he was on a bunch of meds for it. But they caused a ppl ot of problems w/ sex. Soon after, he quit taking them & hasn't taken them since bc we have had a great sex life for 11 yrs & don't wanna interfere lol sounds crazy, but we handle his moods ok w/out the meds i suppose...but he's the kind of man that has to have sex/affection/reassurance to feel loved/wanted. Since he's been an addict for so long, it's going to be a long road w/ this..... Any advice? Lol before i legit start considering what our future looks like....



Just look at videos on hypersexuality on YouTube it’s related to bi polar pretty eye opening . 
Don’t know what do do about the porn I’m afraid . He needs to quite that’s only messing with his head more think I replied to your topic 🙂


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> Women who are promiscuous in their 20's have a very hard time pair bonding with anyone later in life.
> No she's not sick of you. She just no idea how to have a correct, stable relationship.
> Your wife sounds like my ex. I was married 25 years to her. Divorced a couple years ago. She still cannot form a meaningful relationship with a man.
> Was you wife abused as a child?



Was your ex distant at times and also not into touch and kissing ? We have a connection as she says but the touch stuff bugs me a lot at times .


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> was your ex distant at times and also not into touch and kissing ? We have a connection as she says but the touch stuff bugs me a lot at times .


yes yes yes
"We have a connection"...if you did you would not be here.
You are in love with a ghost. An ideal that is not your wife.
Your wife is not telling you everything. 
"touch stuff bugs me"...That's not natural!!!!


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> redwingpentagon said:
> 
> 
> > was your ex distant at times and also not into touch and kissing ? We have a connection as she says but the touch stuff bugs me a lot at times .
> ...


Oh interesting was there some trauma that happened to her as well? What led to divorce?


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> redwingpentagon said:
> 
> 
> > was your ex distant at times and also not into touch and kissing ? We have a connection as she says but the touch stuff bugs me a lot at times .
> ...


Yeah I will find out more . Not sure how much more I can did . The abuse thing I must ask now . Never had that crossed me ! 
I don’t feel like I’m living with a ideal vision . I was just wondering what other people’s experience is with a wife or significant other with the same issue .


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> Yeah I will find out more . Not sure how much more I can did . The abuse thing I must ask now . Never had that crossed me !
> I don’t feel like I’m living with a ideal vision . I was just wondering what other people’s experience is with a wife or significant other with the same issue .


Every man loves a woman idealistically, it how we are programmed.
It's why they dress up, wear makeup, beautiful hair, etc...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

BeautifulDisaster2020 said:


> Not to jump in & interrupt about my own thing, but this is actually very interesting. I had posted something about my husband & his porn addiction& being a sex addict. Has been his whole life, and he's 49... Well, he's also Bipolar/manic depressive. I never thought to connect the two. When we first got together, he was on a bunch of meds for it. But they caused a ppl ot of problems w/ sex. Soon after, he quit taking them & hasn't taken them since bc we have had a great sex life for 11 yrs & don't wanna interfere lol sounds crazy, but we handle his moods ok w/out the meds i suppose...but he's the kind of man that has to have sex/affection/reassurance to feel loved/wanted. Since he's been an addict for so long, it's going to be a long road w/ this..... Any advice? Lol before i legit start considering what our future looks like....


My advice is to tell him going to a therapist and getting back on meds are a condition of you staying in this marriage.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> redwingpentagon said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah I will find out more . Not sure how much more I can did . The abuse thing I must ask now . Never had that crossed me !
> ...


I see your point now .


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> I see your point now .


Pick the right time and place to talk to her about abuse....be empathetic.
I'd bet my car on it, that she has some sort of sex issue in her past.
As bad as this sounds if she's been sexually abused it's time to bail!! You cannot fix that. 
My ex was abused by her step father from age 8-12....She's now 50 and a complete disaster.
I nearly died of a heart attack trying to salvage the crap that was my marriage ......I was in love with a ghost.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

@redwingpentagon, Don't listen to this crap. Yes, it's true that YOU cannot fix it but SHE can. Having a spouse who was sexually abused is not always a death sentence for the marriage. 



StillSearching said:


> As bad as this sounds if she's been sexually abused it's time to bail!! You cannot fix that.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

bobert said:


> @redwingpentagon, Don't listen to this crap. Yes, it's true that YOU cannot fix it but SHE can. Having a spouse who was sexually abused is not always a death sentence for the marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Don’t worry I’m not . I appreciate the comments as always. I don’t think she was abused but it’s something to consider . Is she hiding something gut says no . This thread was to learn about experience with bi polar and hypersexuality. 
Wife is actually high paid ... manages money well is a good mom and crazy ups and downs . Working out eating better 🤷‍♂️


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

redwingpentagon said:


> Don’t worry I’m not . I appreciate the comments as always. I don’t think she was abused but it’s something to consider . Is she hiding something gut says no . This thread was to learn about experience with bi polar and hypersexuality.
> Wife is actually high paid ... manages money well is a good mom and crazy ups and downs . Working out eating better 🤷‍♂️


Honestly, you can never really know what her past was like unless you were glued to her hip from the moment she was born. About a year ago I found out a lot of info about my wife's childhood that I had no clue about. I'm not saying your wife is hiding anything. Just don't make assumptions because you only know as much as she allows you to know. 

Having a good job, managing money well, being a good mom, etc. doesn't mean there isn't something in her past, or even that she's mentally stable. Trust me.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

> Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
> Increased activity, energy or agitation
> Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
> Decreased need for sleep
> ...


https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bipolar-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355955


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

redwingpentagon said:


> Just look at videos on hypersexuality on YouTube it’s related to bi polar pretty eye opening .
> Don’t know what do do about the porn I’m afraid . He needs to quite that’s only messing with his head more think I replied to your topic 🙂





redwingpentagon said:


> Recently I was surprised to find out that part of being bipolar is hyper sexuality. My wife was suffering from bipolar when we met. She had been to therapy and was on meds. She has been off the meds for a while still takes one for anxiety. I did not really figure the amount of sex she had before we met was due to this and her depression was related to so much casual sex. She compulsively fooled around between ages 16-24 i think with a total of almost 20 guys maybe more. I figure thats got to do something to your head? I just worry that she might some day relapse? Or with so many partners that she might get sick of me or something married for 10 years.


Rwp, what do you think this has something to do with, her meet and going to dinner with the other man in your OP? And now you come into more information what are your thoughts now?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

redwingpentagon said:


> No she was not abused as a child.


Have you asked her?



> I'd bet my car on it, that she has some sort of sex issue in her past.


I would also go in on that bet.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Rwp, what do you think this has something to do with, her meet and going to dinner with the other man in your OP? And now you come into more information what are your thoughts now?


Not really new. I just never heard her use the word hyper sexual. I did not even know how that was related to bi polar and her being a party animal in college. the pieces fit together My op about her business trip is not related to this one .


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

bobert said:


> Honestly, you can never really know what her past was like unless you were glued to her hip from the moment she was born. About a year ago I found out a lot of info about my wife's childhood that I had no clue about. I'm not saying your wife is hiding anything. Just don't make assumptions because you only know as much as she allows you to know.
> 
> Having a good job, managing money well, being a good mom, etc. doesn't mean there isn't something in her past, or even that she's mentally stable. Trust me.


 Bobert your correct. I was just expressing the good of thing lol. I dont assume anything its on of my rules of life .


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

redwingpentagon said:


> Recently I was surprised to find out that part of being bipolar is hyper sexuality. My wife was suffering from bipolar when we met. She had been to therapy and was on meds. She has been off the meds for a while still takes one for anxiety. I did not really figure the amount of sex she had before we met was due to this and her depression was related to so much casual sex. She compulsively fooled around between ages 16-24 i think with a total of almost 20 guys maybe more. I figure thats got to do something to your head? I just worry that she might some day relapse? Or with so many partners that she might get sick of me or something married for 10 years.


 @redwingpentagon, 

My exH was bipolar, and since you don't say anything about it, did you know there are two bipolar disorders? Bipolar1 means the person experiences major depressive episodes and at least one major manic episode, and they cycle up and down. Bipolar2 means the person has major depressive episodes and a hypomanic episode, which is less full-blown than a manic episode. My exH was Bipolar1, rapid cycling...and his cycle was often as quick as every 3 days. 

What took me a while to figure out, though, was what exactly a manic episode WAS. See hyper sexuality can be part of a manic episode, but it doesn't mean "wanting sex frequently" like a person with HD, nor does it necessarily mean "being promiscuous while young." LOL Hyper sexuality is just one part or one "symptom", if you will, of mania, and it means that the person will act in more and more dangerous ways sexually.

Now, here's an example so you can tell the difference. 

Someone could be completely mentally healthy and be relatively promiscuous in their single, early 20's. We all have hormones raging and whatnot then, and we all feel the urge the most strongly as young people. Someone could be completely mentally healthy and have a HD, and prefer daily or every-other-day sex with their SO/spouse well into their 50's and 60's. That is NOT hyper sexuality. 

If someone is not completely mentally healthy, as they tip over the edge into unhealthy mania, they sleep little and have an abundance of energy (sort of like someone who's hyperactive). They are restless and can't concentrate. They feel euphoric and think grandiose thoughts. But it's more than just insomnia, nervous jitters, and strong self-esteem! It kind of tips over the edge into irrational ways to thinking and acting in a way that is risky that will likely harm them. Here's where the hyper sexuality comes in. They think they are the greatest lover. They think they are SMOKING hot. They think they can get anyone they want and decide to go for it. Even if someone says "but you're married" it's like a compulsion to do something sexually risky. They might have sex in public or with a co-worker--risking their job. They might cheat--risking their family. 

Get the idea?

And as a very clear example, once where my exH was manic, he kept me up all night yelling at me because I wouldn't go clean out the kitchen cupboards and rearrange them at 3am. After I started to just ignore him and try to sleep, he went to a client's restaurant and seduced a waitress...because he could. Now, if the client had found out, we'd have lost the business on the spot. If I had found out, our marriage would have ended. But he wasn't thinking rationally--and that's why it was mania. It's irrational. It's like thinking you are so great you'll never get caught so take any risk you want, including financial risks, emotional risks, addiction risks...anything. 

Hope this makes sense but if not, just ask.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Affaircare said:


> @redwingpentagon,
> 
> My exH was bipolar, and since you don't say anything about it, did you know there are two bipolar disorders? Bipolar1 means the person experiences major depressive episodes and at least one major manic episode, and they cycle up and down. Bipolar2 means the person has major depressive episodes and a hypomanic episode, which is less full-blown than a manic episode. My exH was Bipolar1, rapid cycling...and his cycle was often as quick as every 3 days.
> 
> ...



Thanks for you insights . Lots to learn about, I got interested in the topic because she used the term to describe herself and the bi polar time and the experiences she told me about seem more and more not her as time goes on. The unhealthy mania you mentioned sounds just like her stories. Sounds like HELL
I enjoyed reading your breakdown it was very thoughtful.

In not using it for a excuse I see it as interesting from a intellectual and parental standpoint. I always trying to dig deeper .. also im worried about my daughter when she is a teen . Its been fueling this for sure.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> Oh interesting was there some trauma that happened to her as well? What led to divorce?


What lead to the divorce?.......
Her cheating for the 5th time (That I know of). Her sexual market value was so low due to age and weight and more, lead her to seek out men on Craigslist.
I was not the man I am today.
I had NO understanding of inter-sexual dynamics.
My life is great now.

I was also idealistically in love with her.
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE GOOD....you know what?.....That does not make you a good man.
And no one cares in your life how much you are willing to put up with...no one.
Quit trying to be a white knight...an informed and grounded in truth man is more valuable to her and you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

redwingpentagon said:


> also im worried about my daughter when she is a teen . Its been fueling this for sure.


All you can do for your daughter is teach her about mental health, be very open about it, and watch for the signs. Don't obsess over it, but know the signs of mental illness (not just bipolar). If you see the signs, then you act. 

Do not dismiss your daughter's worries (or think you know better) if she ever comes to you. Be open to how symptoms can present differently, because any mental illness is a risk - not just bipolar.

Hypersexuality, for example, can look different depending on the person and illness. For example, hypersexuality can be a symptom of OCD and that can take many forms. So someone with bipolar may be using it as compulsive risk taking, while someone with OCD may be using it as a compulsion to reduce anxiety and self-sooth. So that same symptom can present differently, or similarly.

I understand that worry though. My wife has mental illnesses, as does her side of the family. So I worry about my son's having the same struggles. My daughter's biological father also struggles with his mental health, so there is an extra dose of worrying since she's getting it from both sides. 

All you can do is learn about various illnesses, watch, wait, and cross your fingers. You're doing a good job learning about this now and being ahead of the game.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

@bobert so far so good. Thanks for the advice


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

redwingpentagon said:


> She compulsively fooled around between ages 16-24 i think with a total of almost 20 guys maybe more. I figure thats got to do something to your head? I just worry that she might some day relapse? Or with so many partners that she might get sick of me or something married for 10 years.


A lot of people "compulsively fool around" in that age bracket. It's when your brain is literally undeveloped, your emotional center and logic center haven't linked up yet, and your hormones are in an uproar.

"_The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so.

In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part.

In teen’s brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That’s why when teens have overwhelming emotional input, they can’t explain later what they were thinking. They weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling."
_

So, while her promiscuity might have been related to her mental illness, it also may have been a hormonal young woman who didn't have a fully mature brain making decisions based on what feels good and sex feels good.

Does this mean she isn't capable of pair bonding? Of course not! Does this mean she will want to relive her promiscuity? Considering her brain literally wasn't fully online yet and it is now, probably not.

I was promiscuous during those same years. It wasn't mental illness. It was, well, logic. I like sex and I like the company of men. I didn't see any reason to deny myself sexual adventure waiting to meet Mr Right when it was entirely possible Mr Right would not appear for many years, if ever. I had 31 sex partners at age 24 when I entered a committed relationship with my DH. Out of those charming men there were 3 that I developed deep feelings for and thought could perhaps be good mates. Two of them weren't quite right. Close, but no cigar. The third is my DH. We've been together 20 years, married 17 of those. He's the love of my life.

Do I miss other men? No. I had a lot of fun and adventure, some disappointments, and I learned a lot about myself, men, and life in general. Then I met DH , knew he was it, and other men ceased to really exist.



redwingpentagon said:


> No she was not abused as a child . Great parents that are still together. She just was diagnosed with bi polar . We have a really solid relationship. Thanks for the input. One thing is she is not super touchy not into kissing and touching nearly as much as iam always wonder if the past figures into that but she says that's how shes always been.


Some people aren't naturally very touchy-feely. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with her.

My DH's family, for example, are not physically affectionate and don't even hug unless it's a wedding or funeral. The whole lot of them are warm and loving verbally, but physically reserved. I come from a much more loud and demonstrative family. We hugged and touched a lot. So did me and my closest friends. Being with someone who wasn't naturally inclined to touch frequently was a bit difficult until he understood the whole physical demonstration of affection thing.



redwingpentagon said:


> Dont know does it figure into her lack of touching but desire for intercourse only?


Has she said why? Are you extending foreplay too far past the point where she wants intercourse?



redwingpentagon said:


> I got interested in the topic because she used the term to describe herself and the bi polar time and *the experiences she told me about seem more and more not her as time goes on*. The unhealthy mania you mentioned sounds just like her stories. Sounds like HELL


Regarding the bolded, again, you're talking about a time when her brain was still forming connections between reason and emotion. Her brain is finished developing and she's matured over time. Of course her behavior then doesn't sound like the woman you know. She wasn't the woman you know yet. Of course she looks back and thinks "What was I thinking!?!?!". The her looking back can use reason and understands consequences much better that the young underdeveloped woman she was at the time.

Was she manic and acting out? Could be. Or could be she was a horny young female with a still developing brain doing what felt good at the time.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

@MJJEAN
Thanks for the epic reply and sharing your perspective I found it fascinating.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> A lot of people "compulsively fool around" in that age bracket. It's when your brain is literally undeveloped, your emotional center and logic center haven't linked up yet, and your hormones are in an uproar.
> 
> "_The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so.
> 
> ...


She did get diagnosed with the bipolar during that phase of her life. 

Great your happy and found the right guy sounds like you had lot of fun doing that. 
Cant say i relate. I was more interested in not knocking up anyone and not having a girl cling to me. That was my logic. 

I cant say i agree or disagree with the brain formation. I think environment has much to do with behaviors. 

As for being touchy freely its not big deal our ethnic backgrounds have a lot to do with that and we laugh about it ..but there is no coldness. Her family is the same.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

redwingpentagon said:


> She did get diagnosed with the bipolar during that phase of her life.


Yes, but that doesn't mean the bipolar was the driving force behind her youthful exploits. It very well could have been, but hormones and the joie de vive of youthful "thinking" have a fairly equal chance of being the driving force.



redwingpentagon said:


> Great your happy and found the right guy sounds like you had lot of fun doing that.


Some fun, some drama. It was definitely an interesting phase of life.



redwingpentagon said:


> Cant say i relate. I was more interested in not knocking up anyone and not having a girl cling to me. That was my logic.


And that's sound logic. Other people have a different view. It sounds like, in her youth, your wife had a different view. Many people do not equate casual or committed sex with risk of pregnancy or disease provided birth control and condoms are used correctly. Many people can have casual sex/FWB/or break up without being clingy. Your concerns of accidental pregnancy and emotional messiness acted as barriers to certain behaviors. Fair enough. Your wife did not share those barriers. Also fair enough.



redwingpentagon said:


> I cant say i agree or disagree with the brain formation. I think environment has much to do with behaviors.


It's fascinating.
https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf...hUKEwj3x63bt7vnAhVGXc0KHY7wC3UQ4dUDCAs&uact=5


Of course environment plays a role. For example, the are where I came of age wasn't particularly conservative and we had excellent sex ed. We were taught condom use prevented STD's and hormone based birth control prevented pregnancies. So, there was a decent amount of sexual fearlessness among High School and college aged youngins of the time.



redwingpentagon said:


> As for being touchy freely its not big deal our ethnic backgrounds have a lot to do with that and we laugh about it ..but there is no coldness. Her family is the same.


Sometimes the little things can cause emotional harm and breed resentment. If you think you need more physical expression of affection please let her know. My husband being naturally reserved, in the early years, caused some hurt. I intellectually understood his love was strong and deep, but that he was just naturally not physically expressive. Turns out, intellectual understanding doesn't prevent emotional upset. Once I explained what I needed (more casual physical touch), he was quite happy to get into the habit of casually touching to express affection.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

@MJJEAN good stuff again i think we could go on and on!

Yes we had different pasts but ultimatly the spark between us keeps going strong!


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