# It's all about him!



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Been married 23 years and it's always been there in the background. It's just that I'm an easy going person and really one of life's "followers" (rather than a leader) so mostly it's suited me. But if he doesn't get his own way we can have major sulking sessions and long silences. Eventually he does come round (to something that wasn't his idea) but often by then he's spoiled the moment, even though I ride through it and we end up having a great time (if you know what I mean)

For example..... we did talk Cruises for this years summer holiday (Vacation) but I thought... that HE thought.... it was probably a bit pricey, so we decided to check out a Mediterranean Island and spend a week in a hotel. So I have been avidly looking stuff up, checking reviews etc, writing a list of hotels down. But he has not shown any interest. It turns out he still has his mind on a Cruise and biding his time for the price to be right!

Weekends are the same, he decides to do stuff at the last minute (especially if it's sunny) so I don't always know where I am! As I say, I'm easy going so usually it works.:scratchhead:


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I can sort of relate to some of what you are saying, it must bother you if you are asking about it?

Being easy going is being open to plans changing.
Sulking if you do not get your way is manipulation.

You've been married a long time (congrats) but have you ever tried taking turns with who makes the plans? Are you comfortable in planning something to do on a weekend?

my "partner" (not sure what to call him as we are separated but talking) quite often does this:
Hands in pockets, pacing. "want to do something this weekend?".
It's then up to me to think of something fun, right now. 
I make suggestions. He shoots them down. Then he suggests something. 

Once it's HIS idea, it's all great. Shrug.
I never understood it, but I play along. 

Difference is ... I don't GO along if I don't really want to do it. I'll go do my own thing with my friends if my mind is really set on it.
Do you?


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

deejov said:


> I can sort of relate to some of what you are saying, it must bother you if you are asking about it?
> 
> Being easy going is being open to plans changing.
> Sulking if you do not get your way is manipulation.
> ...


Thank you for your reply Deejov. I am glad it's not just me. Yes sometimes I do make plans, like he knew I wanted to visit our local Zoo as I had not been for a few years. The actually day I wanted to go, we ended up going somewhere else that HE chose, but the next time we went out, it was to the Zoo. Like he comes round eventually! 

I had to almost drag him kicking and screaming to a venue that my daughter was singing and playing the guitar at. He REALLY sulked all day because he did not want to go. Not even to support out daughter. Yet when he got there he had a really lovely evening. It sure spoils it when he's like that beforehand.

There are some things he DOES want to do that I definitely DON'T want to. He's often wanted to go Ski-ing. He wants to "walk up a mountain!" I tell him he can do them, but I'm not interested. 

Re the holiday, he's decided against the Cruise as it's quite pricey, so we will do the Mediterranean holiday (vacation) I've got brochures, stuck loads of post-its over them, loads of notes etc. I've left them in front of him. I've just got to wait for him to agree on where to stay etc. I just have to bide my time! I know it'll get booked, I just need to be patient!

He has said "ohhhhh go and book it then!" impatiently! But with a holiday (vacation) I do like it to be a joint decision


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## michellenikB (May 16, 2012)

It was really a problem then. You should talk to your husband about it. If he really like to have a cruise, then go for it. Both of you must enjoy. Not stressed.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

If no one is around to see him sulk... it spoils the point of it.
I surely would not. 

There is a point to trying new things with your spouse, (I'm one of those people that walk up the mountain and I've had to drag him with me) and it takes some compromise to say "this weekend we will do what I have planned" and then next weekend he gets to plan, and you both agree to just along with it.

He wants to do these things WITH you. And you want him to do things with you, but your interests may be different. 

So sometimes you just have to find other people to do things with.
Like once a month you go do things with your friends.

So if you really don't want to do some of things he does.. he really should find other people to do them with. And same with you. Because life is too short. It's about keeping a balance.


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