# Why does my wife constantly degrade me?



## tlk1968

Was wondering why my wife constantly degreades ma and treats me like I am some type of animal? I am a stay at home dad, not by choice, I was injured at wrok a year ago and can't work now because of a disibility. I am currently in college, online, because I do not want to live off of the system. I take care of our kids while she work at a doctors office, part time. But she comes home and it is like she takes pride in demeaning me for everything. I am doing the best I can and I don't know what else or what more to do. I need advice...


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## BigBadWolf

She degrades you because:

1. She has lost respect for you.

2. You are not standing up for yourself.

3. She feels like she is taking the burden on her shoulders (in a woman, this is always looking like nagging or perfectionism).

3. She is looking for someone to blame for the frustration that your injury has brought into your lives.


To turn this around, do this:

1. Calmly, but confidently, do not react emotoinally to your wife degrading you. Calmly and confidently tell her to either speak to you with respect, or you are perfectly okay for her not to speak to you at all. Simply, do what it takes to not give her words power to cause a reaction in you.

2. Be sure to actively communicate and promote to her YOUR PLAN to fix the situation, with your online college and anything else you are doing from your own leadership and initiative to improve your situation. 

3. Communicate to her that you are aware she is shouldering a terrible burden, that you are working to improving the situation with online college, etc etc, and ask AND LISTEN to what she has to say. Agian, all this calm and confident, but do what you need to do to let her know, and trust, that it is okay for her to let down her defenses. (In a woman, if her defenses are up, this is indicating a lack of trust.)

So stand up for yourself, but in standing, allow your woman to lower her defenses by showing her you have a plan, you recognize that she is burdened, and you are the good man, the trustworthy man, the man that is not taking degrading communication, so that around you she is feeling safe and secure to lower her defenses, and that she is safe to be feminine around your masculinity.

I wish you well.


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## greeneyeddolphin

There's two things I think here: 

1. My boyfriend always reminds me that people only get away with what you let them get away with. In other words, she's treating you this way because you let her treat you this way. You have the ability to make her stop. Don't let her treat you this way anymore. When she says something rude or demeaning, tell her it's rude or demeaning and tell her you want an apology and that she should never speak to you that way again. Keep doing it consistently and eventually she'll figure it out. 

2. You are not working, she is only working part time, you are in school and you have kids. Life takes money, and it sounds like you guys don't have much. She is probably very stressed out, worrying about finances. Especially with the economy what it is right now. And I realize you might be paying for school with a loan, but that would also add worry for her. She might be afraid that you're doing all this to better yourself (which is wonderful, don't get me wrong!), and in the end, the economy may not support you finding a job, and then you're still in the same boat you are now, but with a loan to pay off as well. 

Of course, worry and stress do not excuse her treating you that way either. When it comes to that, you need to find ways to reassure her. Maybe find statistics that indicate that the field you are in school for is growing, so that she'll know that you will be able to find a job. Maybe help her find ways that you guys can cut back on bills to save some money. 

Most important, though, is communication. Making sure that she knows that she can't treat you the way she has been. Finding out what her concerns and worries are so you can reassure her. Making sure she understands and appreciates what you do at home, and making sure that you are doing things at home. If she feels like she's working, and you're doing nothing, that would also explain her attitude. So make sure you do things and that you draw her attention to them somehow, so she knows you're pulling your share of the load (and please, don't think I'm trying to say you're not doing your part. I have no idea if you are or not, I'm just trying to suggest things that could be contributing to her inappropriate attitude.)


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## lola09

Possibly because she feels like she works hard all day and she shouldn't have to (if she's old fashioned). I used to feel that way with my ex. I had 2 part time jobs and he worked one. He left later than me in the morning and came back way earlier. I resented him because I wish I had it that easy.

The true issue was that I was just unhappy period. Unhappy with myself, our job situation...that I let it trickle down to my home life. I made him feel the same way.


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## DanF

> Why does my wife constantly degrade me?


Because you allow it.

If you are truly doing all that you can, thenstand up for yourself, man!
I have seen numerous times that although we are so liberated as a society, women still want a man that will provide for them, take care of them, and protect them. Otherwise, they have no respect for him.


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled

tlk1968 said:


> Was wondering why my wife constantly degreades ma and treats me like I am some type of animal?


I feel your pain. My wife treats me like a second class citizen sometimes. She gets better but sometimes falls back into her old ways. I too am a stay at home dad. But she acts like I do nothing. Hang in there. You're not alone. Sometimes I feel woman have a deep rooted animosity towards men.


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## AWife

There are a lot of ways to take care of business besides financially. If you are at home while she works, make sure you are really taking care of the homefront. Be what you would expect her to be if she were home.


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## russ101

Alot of women feel that it is the mans duty to bring home the bacon, and even if they don't admit it, they can resent it if you don't even though you may be doing all of the domestic duties. I'm not saying that your wife is one of them, but it is a definite possibility. If she is, the only way you are going to get respect from her, is if you go back to work. Hang in there, I know it is tough, but just take it one day at a time.


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## Mal74

BigBadWolf said:


> She degrades you because:
> 
> 1. She has lost respect for you.
> 
> 2. You are not standing up for yourself.
> 
> 3. She feels like she is taking the burden on her shoulders (in a woman, this is always looking like nagging or perfectionism).
> 
> 3. She is looking for someone to blame for the frustration that your injury has brought into your lives.
> 
> 
> To turn this around, do this:
> 
> 1. Calmly, but confidently, do not react emotoinally to your wife degrading you. Calmly and confidently tell her to either speak to you with respect, or you are perfectly okay for her not to speak to you at all. Simply, do what it takes to not give her words power to cause a reaction in you.
> 
> 2. Be sure to actively communicate and promote to her YOUR PLAN to fix the situation, with your online college and anything else you are doing from your own leadership and initiative to improve your situation.
> 
> 3. Communicate to her that you are aware she is shouldering a terrible burden, that you are working to improving the situation with online college, etc etc, and ask AND LISTEN to what she has to say. Agian, all this calm and confident, but do what you need to do to let her know, and trust, that it is okay for her to let down her defenses. (In a woman, if her defenses are up, this is indicating a lack of trust.)
> 
> So stand up for yourself, but in standing, allow your woman to lower her defenses by showing her you have a plan, you recognize that she is burdened, and you are the good man, the trustworthy man, the man that is not taking degrading communication, so that around you she is feeling safe and secure to lower her defenses, and that she is safe to be feminine around your masculinity.
> 
> I wish you well.



You should blow this post up to poster-size, print it out, and stick it on your wall. Read it every day and follow it to the letter.


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