# Need thoughts



## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

I'm currently going through divorce, not my choice; even though I was the one who filed. We were practically newly weds only being married for 3 months when my wife decided she wanted a divorce and refused to even talk or work on any issues. She announced several times she wanted a divorce and wanted everything as far as assets go. We have no biological children together and the only asset we have is a house that we had just bought about 6 months ago. From speaking to people that knows her well, they all say she is one set in her ways and once she makes a decision, she sticks with it. We have not spoken in several months and have only communicated through text and only when I initiate it to try and communicate. I filed due to emotional cruelty in how she treated me. When we dated, I could do no wrong and she came across as if she was madly in love with me. Once we bought house and got married, I could do no right after that and she put me down and was very condescending. Yes I work and have a good job and she works too. As far as abuse on my part, I was never abusive. I don't do drugs and am not an alcoholic. My question is why, if she was set on this divorce and made her mind up, why be so mean, condescending, vindictive, and vicious? I can send her a text and it is nothing but hateful rude and hurtful remarks from her. It's as if she sees herself as faultless and flawless.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you make sure there's no other guy in the picture? How long did you know each other before getting married?

C
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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Try for an annulment.
Good grief only 3 months in?
Sorry bro.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

PBear said:


> Did you make sure there's no other guy in the picture? How long did you know each other before getting married?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We dated 9 months. Apparently there was cause she's been with a guy old enough to be her dad just days after I moved out and I had my suspicions a few weeks before I moved out.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Clueless in wv, it's very possible you married a nut case. By all means introspect and think about your role in this but there's a possibility that she's just crazy.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Guilt projection, she wronged you and is now projecting her guilt towards you, probably has an EA/PA combo going with multiple men. GET OUT OF THERE FAST.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Clueless in wv, it's very possible you married a nut case. By all means introspect and think about your role in this but there's a possibility that she's just crazy.


This^^^ now get a lawyer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Either you did something to really anger her. Only you know what went on in your relationship. We don't.

Or she was already cheating on you and after marriage decided that she married the wrong guy.

Or she's a nut case.

You have discussed this here before. 

Now that you are separated she's angry that you want half the assets that she brought into the marriage only 3 months ago.

You have only been married for 3 months. She brought all of the assets into the marriage. She put thousands down on the house before you married. And now you want half of the money she put down. 

That would anger just about anyone.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Either you did something to really anger her. Only you know what went on in your relationship. We don't.
> 
> Or she was already cheating on you and after marriage decided that she married the wrong guy.
> 
> ...


Where did you get that she brought all the assets into the relationship?

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

PBear said:


> Where did you get that she brought all the assets into the relationship?
> 
> C


The asset that is in question is the house. 

She put $9,000 down on the house before they got married.

From what I understand the only asset that was brought into the marriage is the house.

Anything else they have is, I believe still separate.

OP can clarify. But this is what I got from previous threads.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Clueless in wv said:


> I'm currently going through divorce, not my choice; even though I was the one who filed. We were practically newly weds only being married for 3 months when my wife decided she wanted a divorce and refused to even talk or work on any issues. She announced several times she wanted a divorce and wanted everything as far as assets go. We have no biological children together and the only asset we have is a house that we had just bought about 6 months ago. *From speaking to people that knows her well, they all say she is one set in her ways and once she makes a decision, she sticks with it.* We have not spoken in several months and have only communicated through text and only when I initiate it to try and communicate. I filed due to emotional cruelty in how she treated me. When we dated, I could do no wrong and she came across as if she was madly in love with me. Once we bought house and got married, I could do no right after that and she put me down and was very condescending. Yes I work and have a good job and she works too. As far as abuse on my part, I was never abusive. I don't do drugs and am not an alcoholic. My question is why, if she was set on this divorce and made her mind up, why be so mean, condescending, vindictive, and vicious? I can send her a text and it is nothing but hateful rude and hurtful remarks from her. It's as if she sees herself as faultless and flawless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well, apparently not. Being married was a decision she is not sticking to. 

Thank goodness. Time for you to move on.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Either you did something to really anger her. Only you know what went on in your relationship. We don't.
> 
> Or she was already cheating on you and after marriage decided that she married the wrong guy.
> 
> ...


I don't want anything from her. I just want the house sold and priced to sell in a quick manner so let the judge decide. A marriage is being resolved, therefor the assets need desolved and both parties need free from the debt; regardless of who spent what. We both are out money...it's just money and greed is the root to all evil. She spent money of her own free will even with me and others encouraging her to save it. She wouldn't even wait one day for me to get a cashiers check to cover the down payment. Yes, I do think she has a few screws loose considering that I've found out that she lied to me about her entire past. I actually wanted to try and reconcile with her, but she won't hear of it and is being simply awful. I've never once put her down or said hurtful things about her. It's not in me, I'm a very gentle hearted person and this is really difficult to deal with after the way I treated her and after the way she changed as soon as I signed the dotted line to buy a house.
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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Clueless in wv said:


> I don't want anything from her. I just want the house sold and priced to sell in a quick manner so let the judge decide. A marriage is being resolved, therefor the assets need desolved and both parties need free from the debt; regardless of who spent what. We both are out money...it's just money and greed is the root to all evil. She spent money of her own free will even with me and others encouraging her to save it. She wouldn't even wait one day for me to get a cashiers check to cover the down payment. Yes, I do think she has a few screws loose considering that I've found out that she lied to me about her entire past. I actually wanted to try and reconcile with her, but she won't hear of it and is being simply awful. I've never once put her down or said hurtful things about her. It's not in me, I'm a very gentle hearted person and this is really difficult to deal with after the way I treated her and after the way she changed as soon as I signed the dotted line to buy a house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, she out $9k down on house that she didn't have to because I would have if she would have had the patience to wait one day. And I've out $8k in house payments so that is irrelevant. Since she wants out, I just want it priced for to try and sell quick to pay off the mortgage lender and free use both of the debt and any ties to each other. Yes, I got an attorney after she filed a domestic violence petition on me. The kicker with the DVP is that I haven't saw her or even been in the house in two months. She claimed several lies in the DVP and I had to miss a days work and set in court. She never showed for hearing and the judge questioned me and then dismissed the DVP and dropped the charges. I tell you, this has made me a nervous wreck. I was good to this woman and loved her or at least loved the person I was led to believe she was.my question has gotten off topic. I'm trying to understand and get folks thoughts on why someone is so mean and contemptuous to another person when they were the one who wanted the divorce and they are being given the divorce that they want? Yes it does hurt to have someone you cared so much for to treat you this way, put you down and talk trash about you when you did nothing to them. She even told folks I was having an affair which is not the case and I've never cheated on anyone in any way shape or form. It's against all my principle beliefs. Yes, she has a man or a father figure from what I know and within days after I moved out. So please folks, tell me why divorcing spouses who are the one who want the divorce are so mean and vicious to the other person?
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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

This sounds so much like the dynamics of grown kids who bully their parents. They never learned how to solve life's problems so their default is intimidation. Maybe it's not that at all but her actions sure seem like behavior you'd hear James Leman talk about to parents regarding their out of control kids.

Her solution to the "I want a house" problem wasn't thought out. That is unless she's able to mean-mug you into letting her keep the house with your name attached to the mortgage; then she'll feel brilliant.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> This sounds so much like the dynamics of grown kids who bully their parents. They never learned how to solve life's problems so their default is intimidation. Maybe it's not that at all but her actions sure seem like behavior you'd hear James Leman talk about to parents regarding their out of control kids.
> 
> Her solution to the "I want a house" problem wasn't thought out. That is unless she's able to mean-mug you into letting her keep the house with your name attached to the mortgage; then she'll feel brilliant.


I don't know what her thought process was or is. When I took my arraign vows, I meant them. However so many folks don't actually think about
Their vows and what they mean and have no concept of what relationships should consist of. No relationship will be all sunny sky's and all relationships have to go through growing pains some folks don't have the ability or desire to solve problems whatever they may be so they simply check out and project all blame on the other without accepting responsibility. Considering the short duration of the marriage and the fact we have no biological children together, I don't see how she could keep house with my name on mortgage. It's currently for sell, but she has the sell price set so high that it won't sell. We still must go to court for another hearing and after the DVP joke she pulled. I got an attorney so I'm going to let my attorney work it out. I just want the house set for quick sell to pay off loan and rid the financial debt.
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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

It does hurt very much that at any time that I've texted trying to communicate that she has put me down, said nasty things, liablist things, been condescending and rubbed the boyfriend in my face like a teenager. She's said I should give her the divorce and sign papers to give her her money back. First, I didn't take any money from her. She chose to spend her money on house without discussing with me. All I've heard her say is "her house, her house." I've reminded her that it's jointly owned and that we have both spent money on house, regardless of who spent what. It's as if she feels entitlement and that the world owes her something. It's as if she has a superior attitude over others and thinks she's better than others. It's so hurtful to try and say kind words to just have such hurtful things said back. I almost feel like she used me just to get me to sign for a mortgage loan because she couldn't afford it by herself and once I did, I was no longer good enough for her.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'll expose my ignorance here... But realistically, if you force the sale of the house after not putting down much of a down payment and only 6 months or so of mortgage payments, aren't you likely to be underwater on the house? As in, you'll end up owing more than you get for the sale of the house? If so, why not let her have the house, and you walk away debt free?

C
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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

PBear said:


> I'll expose my ignorance here... But realistically, if you force the sale of the house after not putting down much of a down payment and only 6 months or so of mortgage payments, aren't you likely to be underwater on the house? As in, you'll end up owing more than you get for the sale of the house? If so, why not let her have the house, and you walk away debt free?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So long as she qualifies and gets a 100% new loan and his name is removed from the mortgage then that's a good idea. But a marriage decree will do nothing to protect his credit if she keeps the house and then goes in default or even just makes late payments. There's no alternative but I bet money that her lawyer and her will try to just have a divorce decree stating he's not liable. It does no good though.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

PBear said:


> I'll expose my ignorance here... But realistically, if you force the sale of the house after not putting down much of a down payment and only 6 months or so of mortgage payments, aren't you likely to be underwater on the house? As in, you'll end up owing more than you get for the sale of the house? If so, why not let her have the house, and you walk away debt free?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The loan is in both our names and she can't afford the house over the long haul. The house does appraise for more than what is owed. The only way I could walk away debt free would be if she could refinance the house to get my name off the loan and I know she can't because if she could, she would have done that instead of putting it up for sell when she decided she wanted a divorce. Now if I wanted to refinance it out of her name and assume the debt, I could look into that; however I know she would not agree to that because it would be saying that I got
The best of her. Additionally, she wouldn't agree to that unless I would buy her share of the equity out and there is not enough equity to give her what she would want. Even when attorneys and a judge set down, it will be an issue because knowing her....she is always right and everyone else is wrong. Unless badly mistaken, despite having attorneys; I feel that it's going to take a judge telling her it's this way or that way and making a concrete court order for whatever is decided. I also feel with her attitude that it will take a judge to say it's going to be this way or
That way and settle it. And then, I don't think she will listen. I'm learning that she is not a rational or reasonal person.
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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

At times I feel so weak and don't know who I am. Yes I loved her and after 3 months of emotional abuse, I left to gain peace. Now I wonder, if I would have hung in there and acted as if it didn't bother me and ignored the "I want a divorce comments" from her and the put downs and just let her do her thing even though I found out she was on dating websites and apparently seeing someone much older than her, would it have eventually changed and she get whatever is in her system out. I know I did the right thing by leaving because by staying, I wouldn't have shown myself any respect. It still hurts because of shattered dreams and home and family I wanted to have. It hurts deep that someone who you thought cared deeply about you can trash you to others and say such nasty things to you and put you down as if you are beneath them. I wonder why and how someone who's suppose to love you can do that?
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My advice... Your time to try to figure her out was before you got married. Now, you need to focus on yourself and moving on, and less on her. Trying to get closure from her will be a fool's game. 

Don't be her fool. 

C
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