# Mother-in-law moving in...Having SEROIUS CONCERNS about it ruining my sex life



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

I just found out that my mother-in-law is moving in with us, perhaps as soon as this weekend.The room where she will be staying in is right next to ours.I'm really loud and vocal during sex,I can't imagine a scenario where this isn't awkward.I have ZERO EXPERIENCE with having sex with another person in the house.I'm kind of opposed to her moving in..I don't to want to tell her she can't move in because she's done a lot for us...Me and my wife are at an interesting time in our marriage where she just lost about 210 pounds following weight loss surgery,and we're trying new things sexually...And now this.....


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Expand on the part where you just found out? Do you mean that your wife did not discuss this with you?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Expand on the part where you just found out? Do you mean that your wife did not discuss this with you?


Well no.My wife told me on Saturday that my mother-in-law asked to move in with us.She said yes and told her that she was going to ask me.I said yes,but In my mind I was thinking,what am I supposed to say?No?She has lent us money and done all sorts of things for us.We literally owe her THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.She doesn't have many options outside of moving in with us.It would feel kind of wrong to turn her down.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I don't ever think it's a good idea to live with an in law.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

No worries, Jack... you're done in 30 seconds anyway. What's to ruin? Or are you more concerned that MIL is going to put a halt to the screaming from your wife when you push her into anal?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> No worries, Jack... you're done in 30 seconds anyway. What's to ruin? Or are you more concerned that MIL is going to put a halt to the screaming from your wife when you push her into anal?


I'm not done in 30 seconds...Not that that is the issue here.My concern is one thing:Awkwardness.My wife hasn't even brought up the whole thing about her room being right next to ours and we still have to have sex.But it is a real issue for me.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Syrum said:


> I don't ever think it's a good idea to live with an in law.


Why do you say that?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't think it's a good idea either.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I'm not done in 30 seconds...Not that that is the issue here.My concern is one thing:Awkwardness.My wife hasn't even brought up the whole thing about her room being right next to ours and we still have to have sex.But it is a real issue for me.


I'll be honest with you here... the in-law thing means nothing when living together for an extended period of time. You are MARRIED. It is YOUR HOUSE. Man, we lived with my parents, my sister, and my mother-in-law at different times in our marriage. But the key was we are MARRIED. Sex, in our family at least, is a given. If your MIL has a problem with you having sex with your WIFE, well, it doesn't matter how much money she has lent you... it is YOUR house, she is a GUEST and if a GUEST doesn't like how you live in your OWN house, what is the general rule? Hmmmm?

ETA: Whatever you do...do NOT use this as LEVERAGE in your quest to get anal sex. However, keep in mind that MIL being there, the whole "taboo" type thinking about her possibly hearing you have sex, COULD lean her toward anal at a later date... as long as you keep it so SHE is in control of whether it happens or not.

Sorry for bringing the anal thread into this one...


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I don't think it's a good idea either.


Could you elaborate?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> If your MIL has a problem with you having sex with your WIFE, well, it doesn't matter how much money she has lent you... it is YOUR house, she is a GUEST and if a GUEST doesn't like how you live in your OWN house, what is the general rule? Hmmmm?


Great points,but she has never said she would have a problem with us having sex.I just would feel awkward,period.Clearly it's my house and my rules.But I couldn't imagine feeling just as comfortable having sex with my Mother in law in the room right next door as I normally would.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Great points,but she has never said she would have a problem with us having sex.I just would feel awkward,period.Clearly it's my house and my rules*.But I couldn't imagine feeling just as comfortable having sex with my Mother in law in the room right next door as I normally would.*


And that's one reason Syrum and Mavash said it isn't a good idea. Others are the possibility that your wife will defer to her mom as the "woman of the house". There are a bunch of reasons related to that as well. But he big thing are those.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Is there any chance that she being an older person doesn't hear as well anymore?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Is there any chance that she being an older person doesn't hear as well anymore?


No,her hearing is fine.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Is other in law a hottie?

This opens up new possibilities.

Think outside the box


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Is other in law a hottie?
> 
> This opens up new possibilities.
> 
> Think outside the box


:scratchhead::wtf:


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Don't do it if there's anyway around this

Is there another room at least that could be used?

My MIL is at my house 6 days a week on average and it's definitely an issue 

I've told my wife that the day she moved in, I move out

Hopefully she'll want to go to her other daughters house or her sons instead
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Is other in law a hottie?
> 
> This opens up new possibilities.
> 
> Think outside the box




I mean really dude

a) this is not something you just 'inform' your other half of and b) no way no how would I be living in my f*cking MIL

no way!!!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> Is there any chance that she being an older person doesn't hear as well anymore?


Exactly what I was going to ask. 

Well, my MIL moved in with us about 6 months ago and it has not ruined our sex life. However, she at the other end of the house so... However again, my 15 YO daughter's room is right next to ours so... 

Poor kid probably has nightmares.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I have kids across the hall from me and I'm paranoid, so I understand your paranoia. Move things around so that your rooms aren't right next door. Flip the living room with the bedroom even though it might be wacky. Maybe you'll discover new places to have sex. Is the shower in another part of the house? Good for your wife for losing so much weight. Glad to hear that your sex life has been reinvigorated. cool!


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

It sounds like its going to happen whether its a good idea or not. 
So get creative...move some furniture around as someone else suggested. 
Put a tv or music in you bedroom and have it on at the 'right' time. Doesn't matter if it seems obvious, it is your business.
I shared a house with my father in the next room. I put a tv in my dads room and gave him some headphones as well as those other things, he watched tv all evening.
And if you can't do those things then just make noise and don't worry what MIL thinks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

unfortunately the money you borrowed came with marriage-killing strings attached.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> I mean really dude
> 
> a) this is not something you just 'inform' your other half of and b) no way no how would I be living in my f*cking MIL
> 
> no way!!!


Actually, sharkeey has a point, if you think about it. Sadly, I DID put thought into it after reading his post. 

See, if he sticks it to MIL, then he doesn't have to worry about paying a prostitute. Problem solved!


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

sandc said:


> However, she at the other end of the house so... However again, my 15 YO daughter's room is right next to ours so...
> 
> Poor kid probably has nightmares.


Isn't that awkward?I remember growing up and literally hearing my parents having sex LOUD AND CLEAR.It was like,do they even care?Now as a married man,I don't even understand that thinking.How can you feel comfortable?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Isn't that awkward?I remember growing up and literally hearing my parents having sex LOUD AND CLEAR.It was like,do they even care?Now as a married man,I don't even understand that thinking.How can you feel comfortable?


Dude, I have been married for 12 years. At from the time our oldest was born, we have had at least one child in our bed at night. We got creative. There are other rooms in the house. And THEN, when we got an apartment WITH MIL, we had to share a room with ALL of the kids. You get REALLY creative in THOSE situations! Afternoons... right after the kids fell asleep for the night... early morning while the youngest two were sleeping and after the oldest was taken to school. It really isn't that hard to get creative...that is, if you ARE creative!


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## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Is you mother in law will just stay for a vacation or she will gonna live on your place?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Michael A. Brown said:


> Is you mother in law will just stay for a vacation or she will gonna live on your place?


She is coming to live with us.And for who knows how long.Could be up to a year.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I wonder if maybe after lending them thousands of dollars, she can't afford to live on her own anymore.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I don't ever think it's a good idea to live with an in law.


Abso fkin lutly!! 
Just let me find my old thread...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=23587

2nd biggest mistake was letting my fil move in with us.
1st was paying for the mils condo

Screwed from both sides...


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Jack I said:


> Isn't that awkward?I remember growing up and literally hearing my parents having sex LOUD AND CLEAR.It was like,do they even care?Now as a married man,I don't even understand that thinking.How can you feel comfortable?


It's ridiculous for any family member to not expect a happily married couple to have sex. We try to hold it down but I expect we've been heard from time to time.


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## Monarch (Dec 5, 2012)

First post. I guess I'm lucky...my wife is as against her mother living with us as I am, and my parents would never dream of it...we'd stifle them, LOL! We have a small house...

But I've noticed this. When MIL stays with us for a while during holidays, etc. the first couple of days are a little uncomfortable, but eventually we stop worrying and go back to being ourselves. It all works out fine as we become more comfortable in close quarters. Don't forget that while you and your wife may not want to think about it, your MIL is an adult too (if you catch my meaning) and is probably aware that there will be times you want privacy. It may be just as uncomfortable for her and she may find ways of giving you some alone time; hobbies, taking a walk, etc.

I don't have any experience with a long term arrangement. Despite money being lent I would honestly be upset at my wife for agreeing to so fundamentally change our living arrangements without talking to me first. I don't care if MIL moving in is obviously the right thing to do given the circumstances; you should have the opportunity to come to that realization yourself. I'm not trying to be incendiary...that's just how I would feel if I were presented with this situation. I'd like to think my wife would give me a chance to be a good son in law rather than force it upon me. But it's done and it does sound like the right thing to do...of course I would take in a family member in need of a place to live.

You might want to come to terms with the possibility that this arrangement may be semi-permanent.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I have kids across the hall from me and I'm paranoid, so I understand your paranoia. Move things around so that your rooms aren't right next door. Flip the living room with the bedroom even though it might be wacky. Maybe you'll discover new places to have sex. Is the shower in another part of the house? Good for your wife for losing so much weight. Glad to hear that your sex life has been reinvigorated. cool!


Turn on a TV or radio for background noise?

Or, tell your MIL that you still need your privacy from regularly. You expect she would remain active and build a life for herself. Presumably you're not charging her much rent, so she should be able go to group gatherings or a movie a few times per week.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Yo Jack. If its clearly your house and clearly your rules, why have you clearly not gotten anal yet?

Just saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Err wah?
I can't even stand my mother-in-law within 100 meters of my territory let alone move in!

This should be YOUR family home


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> She is coming to live with us.And for who knows how long.Could be up to a year.


Tell your wife that it's anal time now or never because with MIL in the next room you do NOT want her hearing her daughter screaming in pain as you pound into her butt from behind. 

She'll come running into the room thinking her daughter is being murdered, you'll pull out of her A$$ in surprise and the proverbial sh-t will hit the fan.

The only good that will come of it is that after you clean up the mess, you mother in law will be long gone.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Man you're in trouble.
Not good at all.....
Not good.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Play music.. loud. Put sound proofing material on the wall between the rooms. You can hide it by putting drapes all along what wall.

Or if there is a closet between the rooms. Put the soundproofing in the closet.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Great points,but she has never said she would have a problem with us having sex.I just would feel awkward,period.Clearly it's my house and my rules.But I couldn't imagine feeling just as comfortable having sex with my Mother in law in the room right next door as I normally would.


I like to get loud when I orgasm..Well hell, it feels GOOD.....For years I kept a lid on it, till the kids moved out, then I let er rip.....

My dad moved in with us a year ago, but he is deaf as a post, so no problem...

I am sure your wife will be more amenable to sex, not having to worry about mom, and it is your home, you have not only the right, but the obligation to have sex with your wife....

I am sure if mom asks the wife about the noise she will be assured it is a "happy sound" and not to worry.....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Try looking at it a different way.Use your imaginations and pretend you're young and sneaking around together Be all quiet and giggly together,flirt "innocently" in front of mil too!

It could be fun and an interesting opportunity for role playing like you're teenagers 

It will only hurt your sex life and marriage if you allow it to.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Easy solution: Hire a prostitute.
> 
> Whoops, wrong thread.


even though this is the wrong thread I can't imagine that being good advice very often at all


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I get where your head is at, my kids are old enough now to understand what the noises coming from the bedroom are if they were to hear it.

The only advice I can offer is to be flexible in your "schedule"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> even though this is the wrong thread I can't imagine that being good advice very often at all


Hmmm... not sue if that was sarcasm or not. Hard to tell sometimes. But, if you read his other thread, you would understand. And no, FrenchFry wouldn't ordinarily suggest that anyone hire a prostitute. 

.... Sharkeey might, though.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

This is terrible.

Don't let her move in.

Why should you have to put up with crap like this?

You owe her thousands of dollars? The average cost of raising a child these days is around $200,000. So we all owe our parents about that much but that doesn't mean we let them live with us and ruin our lives.

Is she so poor that she cannot rent an apt? Personally I would rather pay her rent for her than have her permanently stationed next to our bedroom.

Just say no.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Also, I'd like to point out one additional possibility.

This could be the mother of all sh!t tests.

If she moves in you will never get sex again and the excuse will be the mother in law but the real reason was that your wife lost respect for you by letting her mom move in right next to your bedroom.

That would be classic.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

Hey, life can hand you some tough realities. 

My wife's mother lived with us for a year and then died. There were unfortunate circumsctnaces leading up to this necessity, the altenative was living in a very shabby nursing home. All her money was gone. She would have likely died in a few months if left in the home she could afford, it was terribly depressing. 

I would have felt like a real selfish self centered a hole if I "laid down the law" and said what effectively meant that "your mom has to die in a urine infested home so our sex life isn't hindered."

It was inconvenient. My sex life sucked. We had her a couple of rooms away, she couldn't hear very well, but we had to keep out door open at night to make sure she didn't hurt herself when she got up to use the bathroom three times a night. We didn't sleep well, and had to observe close up what happens when someone dies due to lifestyle induced medical conditions. We became health food nuts and began to take better care of ourselves. Americans don't get exposed to the realities of aging often enough, we tend to outsource everything from child care to death. In a way, the year was a wake up call to both of us to pay attention to warnings about diet and exercise. Everything catches up with you in the end, we all too often hide the death details because it's unpleasant. 

I know that if I forced my wife to choose between me and having her mother live in a stinky home, I might not like the answer. And knowing she would be living in a hell hole would have made life at home hell. 

As it is, I gained a whole bunch of brownie points and our sex life is back to better than normal. 

And along the way,we discovered that we can keep down the noise, and we discovered the joy of the unexpected quickie BJ or whispered romp between MIL bathroom trips.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

east2west said:


> This is terrible.
> 
> Don't let her move in.
> 
> ...


Well I would rather have her move in with us than pay her rent because we probably can't afford our rent and hers.So because the average cost of raising a child 200,000 dollars,thats kind of different.This is actual money lent to us that we have not given back.Moving in with us is basically her only and best option.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Well I would rather have her move in with us than pay her rent because we probably can't afford our rent and hers.So because the average cost of raising a child 200,000 dollars,thats kind of different.This is actual money lent to us that we have not given back.Moving in with us is basically her only and best option.


Well then how about she rents the room until the debt is cancelled. And then gets her own place.

What was the reason given for her moving in?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Perhaps you say to your wife that the first time she uses dear old mom as an excuse to not have sex, she's out. I know having her mom next door wouldn't stop me at all. But it would inhibit my wife severely. So no, this would not be happening in my house.


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