# Anyone legally separated, not divorced?



## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

I've been married for 30 years. My husband had an emotional affair with a mutual friend about 5 years ago. I've not trusted him since. I'm always asking where are you going what are you doing. He asked for the separation, saying he was 52 years old and didn't need to tell me where he was at every minute of the day. I think he is completely wrong. Although I didn't want the separation, I have found I'm happier. Im not constantly worried and walking on eggshells.

Curious if anyone is legally separated and have no plans to get a divorce?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If you are separated, happier alone and he is clearly not a good candidate for reconciliation, then why not divorce?


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

I do not work, and have not for most of our 30 year marriage. I also have some medical issues and need his insurance.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Well if your recently separated and find yourself happier already I think that says a lot ..... don’t you?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

missyinmn said:


> I do not work, and have not for most of our 30 year marriage. I also have some medical issues and need his insurance.


So what will you do when he gets into a new relationship, wants to remarry, and divorces you? You should be prepared so that you don't get blindsided... He would most likely have to pay alimony but you still need to be prepared.

Do you live together?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I don’t mean this in a mean way but it sounds like you need him more than he needs you. 

Two ways to handle this - 

- either make it so you don’t need him for anything ( ie get your own income and insurance)

-Or go along with his terms.

A good divorce attorney can likely get you some spousal support and insurance coverage from him in a settlement, but you never know how much or for how long.


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

Absloutely. I just want to know of others experiences with staying legally separated.


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

He's already agreed to spousal support. We did sign something listing my support. Our daughter witnessed it. I know we still need something more and we plan to meet with a mediator if we take this route.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If you are legally separated, why not just get divorced? What is the difference to YOU?


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

Insurance reasons. I have no way to support myself and have medical issues.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, my cousin is legally separated, but still lives in the same house with his "wife". He says they can't afford to actually divorce, and they rarely see/interact with each other. The legal separation at least makes sure that any debts HE incurs now are on HIM and you should not be liable for them.
One thing, his kids are adults -- I don't know if that affects your situation at all.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

In Australia, a legal separation is a divorce when the couple never married. What do you mean by legal separation? 

If you are happier what would you not want to cut all ties with this man? Be independent of him. Start a new life and be in control of it.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

My exH still provides my health insurance and will do so until I either retire or get remarried. My BF still covers his ex-wife as well. He will continue to cover her until she marries, retires, or he marries and wants to cover a new spouse.

See if his company will continue to cover an ex spouse. Right now my ex pays nothing extra to cover me since he’s on afamily plan to cover the kids. When the kids are off the plan he will switch it to a couple plan and I’ll pay him for half of it if I haven’t married again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

missyinmn said:


> He's already agreed to spousal support. We did sign something listing my support. Our daughter witnessed it. I know we still need something more and we plan to meet with a mediator if we take this route.


Does your separation agreement include splitting assets? Are you getting control of 50% of all assets?

A legal separation is a court order. It sounds like there is just some contract between the two of you nothing has gone to court yet. Is that correct?

Is the documents signed by your husband and your daughter (witness) notarized?


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

The contract was not notarized. We are going to meet with a mediator in September and do that.

Notmyjamie, I didn't know an ex could stay on the insurance. I'll ask.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

missyinmn said:


> Insurance reasons. I have no way to support myself and have medical issues.


How so? You can get a job. How old are your kids? How long do you want to stay financially dependent on someone else?


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## missyinmn (Jul 6, 2020)

I have epilepsy and chronic migraines. I was a stay at home mom, then a homemaker, for 30 years. I have no degree and no marketable skills. I did work for a few years when the kids were in Jr high, but as soon as I start getting stressed I have a seizure. I've been seizure free for six years and would like to keep it that way. My husband always wanted me to stay at home, which was fine with me. I wanted to be home with my kids. I feel, and he agrees, I'm owed his support. I am going to get something notarized in September though.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you need to protect yourself legally as much as possible. Right now, you’re not. Maybe he means what he says or maybe when he‘s in a new relationship (and he will be) he’ll decide he doesn’t want to provide all that he’s said he will.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I did the legal separation for quite some time and I get it. But everything needs to be hammered out with a lawyer. I know a few couples that never divorce due to medical or financial reasons. And they all have other partners. Some can and some can't but be prepared for the divorce.


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## Parallax857 (May 15, 2012)

I'm a divorce attorney. Have you checked into the ACA? If you're lower income it's subsidized. A lot of folks don't know the benefit that's available to them.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

missyinmn said:


> The contract was not notarized. We are going to meet with a mediator in September and do that.
> 
> Notmyjamie, I didn't know an ex could stay on the insurance. I'll ask.


Not all companies will allow this. Both my exH and my BF's companies are very family friendly so they allow it.

ETA: Are you on medication for your seizures? I am and I've been seizure free for over 10 years and so I'm able to work. If your seizures are not controllable with meds can you qualify for SSDI? That plus alimony and the insurance coverage would help you a lot I'd think.

Good luck!!


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