# 6 months on.



## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

so its been 6 months since exwife kicked me out....5 months since she moved another guy in.....4 months since fights about seeing my daughter....
i now can see my daughter whenever i want really...within reason...and we have organized our alternate weekends etc.
I had a long distance relationship about 2 months after my wife. Which i knew i shouldnt have done. i am still not confident in myself, i am still not right in the head. I cannot even control my own emotions let alone bring someone else into my life and hurt them.

I lost all my friends when exwife kicked me out. because they all agreed and werent really decent friends anyway. the only people ive had to talk to are these forums, the new woman and my family....i cant talk to family....because i dont want them knowing the ins and outs of my life anymore. besides that my mother did exactly what my wife did to me to my dad.
i found out the hard way i couldnt talk to the new woman. after awhile no matter what i did whenever i mentioned my wife it would hurt her more. was probably my fault anyway. so i made things worse by talking to the ex most of the time...

I had plenty of chances in these 6 months to not screw up more, but for some reason i just cant control myself....ive screwed up at least 2 chances to get my exwife back that i know of....ive screwed around another womans life...and i havent been paying anywhere near as much attention to my daughter as i should be....

i finally have casual work after about a year of not working....with insights into a new full time job with great career aspects....but ive now noticed that the more i dont work...the more i get upset...because i start thinking again. I feel like i should work all week because then at least i come home goto bed and then go back to work...not thinking about anything else. for when i work i concentrate on nothing but the job. the days go by faster....i have said to myself that im just going to work myself into the ground and leave everything to my daughter.

I still have no self confidence....every time i changed my looks or attitude it got shot down again. i still cant meet any friends. my exwife still doesnt give a **** about me. and because of the way ive been acting, the new woman has become more and more distant. 

today i have done nothing but lie on my bed...listening to music...for a good 8 hours...just hopeing that tomorrow will come quicker so i can go do more work and forget again.

after all thats happend in my life....i just feel like ive achieved nothing...yes i have my daughter...but i barely see her because everytime i do see her i feel like im doing the wrong things...i love her to death but i feel inadequate as a father as much as every other area in my life.

so 6 months down the track and im probably worse off than day one....feeling lonely...miserable...missing my old life...well at least i have work now...

time to go spend another amount of countless hours laying there feeling sorry for myself....even tho theres so many more worse stories on these forums than mine.


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Aww man. First off, best of luck with the new job. Once that goes well & you start to get places, it will give you back some confidence. Take care of yourself - if its only 1 thing you do for yourself everyday DO IT. Something as simple as sitting down & watching your fav tv show can do it. 

You need to spend more time with your daughter. Take her to the park, or something fun. Just enjoy the time with her. 

You will get back on track - it takes time. You probably need to get out of your relationship until you get yourself to a better place. Its not fair on either off you otherwise. 

But don't beat yourself up. This is not an easy road to travel.


----------



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

" 6 months down the track and im probably worse off than day one....feeling lonely...miserable...missing my old life."

Welcome to the club. 6+ months for me as well and I can't even get motivated to do anything. It got better for a while and now it's like I'm back to square one emotionally. I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can offer is you're not alone.


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

> I had plenty of chances in these 6 months to not screw up more, but for some reason i just cant control myself....ive screwed up at least 2 chances to get my exwife back that i know of....ive screwed around another womans life...and i havent been paying anywhere near as much attention to my daughter as i should be....


This is me too.....I can't keep my mouth shut.....accusing him of other women even though he really isn't giving me reason to mistrust him....

I realized I've built some resentment against him for having this EA and divorcing me then saying he wants to try to work on us :scratchhead: ....

Why do you think you've screwed up to get her back ???

I hear you about not paying your child nearly enough attention....

I've done the same thing lately and I feel horrible....

I have a plan now and I will stick with it....taking care of myself and the kids....ex-h has to fend for himself from now on and if he wants to be included he has to start making changes too....

One thing I would advise you to do is to go join a gym....

I did and it made me feel so much better about myself, losing weight and the attention you're getting from the opposite sex....

I'm not there to find someone else....after all I still love my ex.....but the flirting and positive attention gives me a self esteem boost desperately needed....

I stopped going when my mom passed away the end of January and I noticed that I felt more insecure, sad, ugly :scratchhead: and started picking fights with my ex and making these snide remarks again....

Going to the gym, to the movies and spending time away from my ex-h has made an impact on him too as he noticed and liked, because he was flirty and sweet....

As I said....I've made a new plan that goes in effect on Monday....(gotta finish my homework today or otherwise it would be today  )....

There's a website named City-Data.com Forum: Relocation, Moving, Local City Discussions
....maybe you can check it out and ask about some support group or singles meeting group or something you would enjoy doing....

I'm sure there are meets where you would be able to enjoy yourself and feel better about yourself.....cause it sounds like you are pretty depressed to me....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> One thing I would advise you to do is to go join a gym....


Any consistent form of exercise is good for you, releases chemicals into the system that help make you feel better with things.



> I did and it made me feel so much better about myself, losing weight and the attention you're getting from the opposite sex...


.
That never hurts 



> I stopped going when my mom passed away the end of January and I noticed that I felt more insecure, sad, ugly :scratchhead: and started picking fights with my ex and making these snide remarks again....


Feel good chemicals in the body dropped off.
Daily 3 - 4km walks did it for me to a certain extent (the meds were also obviously a help!) but it has to be consistent, right now I am doing weight training at home, and it helps a lot.


----------



## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

i agree with the gym or some other form of exercise. At the moment thats work....when i get more money i will probably join a gym....got my daughter tonight for like 3 hours...because i have to leave early tomorrow for work i cant have her the night 
when i picked her up from my ex's house my ex was nothing but stroppy....i havent even text her for 3 whole days....not one form of contact at all....i was just calm and said hows work etc, the usual, and left as quickly as i could. its making me feel like even tho she kicked me out, cheated on me and kept ALL the stuff i spent 7 years building up with her...im the bad guy still....how?....

on another note....i have disclosed all this stuff with my new woman....and am going to keep in contact and keep working at it with her. i have depression...i know this...i just have to learn when and who to show it too....and try to control it best i can. 

its raining today  so no park for my daughter....i think i might just go spend 3 hours drawing and watching kids shows....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Gilgamesh said:


> i agree with the gym or some other form of exercise. At the moment thats work....when i get more money i will probably join a gym....got my daughter tonight for like 3 hours...because i have to leave early tomorrow for work i cant have her the night
> when i picked her up from my ex's house my ex was nothing but stroppy....i havent even text her for 3 whole days....not one form of contact at all....i was just calm and said hows work etc, the usual, and left as quickly as i could. its making me feel like even tho she kicked me out, cheated on me and kept ALL the stuff i spent 7 years building up with her...im the bad guy still....how?....
> 
> on another note....i have disclosed all this stuff with my new woman....and am going to keep in contact and keep working at it with her.
> ...


go and see a Dr about that, if it is depression then you need to get on meds asap, it is that simple, I am on, didn't want to, but had no other choice, I should have been on them more than a year ago !!


----------



## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

i know i do.....but i dont think meds is the answer....when i get free time when im not working im going to go see a councillor or something...for real this time....i need to sort my issues out....

just finished dropping my daughter off....ex wife's parents were there....her step dad said hello how are u, i said alright, urself. and he said something about his car breaking down, and as i put the bags down he closed the door behind me....almost like they wanted to talk to me....im not sure because they never do that...i wanted to see if anything was gonna be said but then thought no im not in the right mood right now, quickly kissed my daughter and walked out, my ex said good luck tomorrow and i just ignored her didnt even say goodbye....not like she cares anyway....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Gilgamesh said:


> i know i do.....but i dont think meds is the answer....when i get free time when im not working im going to go see a councillor or something...for real this time....i need to sort my issues out....


no, meds alone isin't the answer by themselves, I had quite a few sessions, first with the Crisis Assessment Team, and then with a few different counciling people.
But without the medication you will never get to the point of real recovery, you will think you have, but you are just pushing feelings aside rather than fixing the issues. Been there, done that, tried to check out.



> just finished dropping my daughter off....ex wife's parents were there....her step dad said hello how are u, i said alright, urself. and he said something about his car breaking down, and as i put the bags down he closed the door behind me....almost like they wanted to talk to me....im not sure because they never do that...i wanted to see if anything was gonna be said but then thought no im not in the right mood right now, quickly kissed my daughter and walked out, my ex said good luck tomorrow and i just ignored her didnt even say goodbye....not like she cares anyway....


hello me a couple of months ago.


----------



## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........i was doing so well.....
i HAD to call her about my daughter....because i am working this weekend and cannot have her overnight....and then i slipped while i explained it....told her that i feel like im the only one making the effort to see my daughter....which turned into a full blown argument.
made me loose it and start saying all the **** again...how i feel uncomfortable ringing because her new man gets emotionally insecure and threatens me....what gives him the right to be angry at me? he knew very well she was only 3 weeks out of the marriage and not even out of it....apparently she needed space....yea ok so it was her too....why can i STILL not hate her? why do i keep bringing the past back up when i KNOW its killing me....
She then argued and said i need to stop with the woe is me attitude and move on.....was that meant to be a joke? ive lost my car my house my wife my jobs and above all else....i am missing out on my daughters life because i see her less....i have trouble ringing her to organize my daughter because of her new man and because of my emotions....why cant she ring me and organise something....for once....
maybe im looking at this wrong....maybe she doesnt ring me because i get emotional....but that still doesnt stop the fact that im the father of her child....unless she just doesnt want ANYTHING to do with me anymore....its making me feel like moving interstate and just not bothering anymore xept sending money for my daughter.....


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*hugs* it's ok calm down, we all do it. My suggestion is to now to all contact via email, no more verbal, it gets you in a state and she knows it and it justifies everything she is thinking and pining on you right now.

So if I was you, I would sent her something like...

I am sorry for my outburst, I think it's best that I now contact you via email in regards to our daughter and access. I can't see her XYW but I shall let you know when I will be able to pick her up.

Thanks.

Gil


Straight to the point, informative and most of all it seems like you are getting on with it.


----------

