# Pleasure at their misfortune



## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

Is it right to feel secretly happy when you find out your partner who dumped you is sick or unhappy or going through a tough time etc? 

I get this perverse pleasure each time I find out of his "misfortune".


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Suemolly said:


> Is it right to feel secretly happy when you find out your partner who dumped you is sick or unhappy or going through a tough time etc?
> 
> I get this perverse pleasure each time I find out of his "misfortune".


thats pure evil if ur the dumper. If the man/woman deserved it, yes why not and laugh over them. But if they really loved u, and had the heart to "try" changing themselves, then no, ur obviously a person who has no heart.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Taking pleasure in someone's illness is pretty evil, no matter who they are. Taking pleasure in someone screwing up their lives with their own selfishness... that's more understandable! It's all human nature, though, good or bad ...


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## KNUTWILLIE (Jul 12, 2011)

OH HELL YEAH
I hope mine gets 10 billion times the hell pain that she wrecked on me - Karma or whatever - I wish for her evil demise and I hope my heart grows blue cold over the thoughts of it. 
Yes , enjoy it !! LOVE IT ! GET GOOSEBUMBS OVER IT! LAUGH OUT LOUD AND GO HA HA !!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Initially, I felt that way. Deep down I believed those "bad" things were for his own good. In other words, those things were needed for him to gain humility again. If he had humility again, I thought he would be willing to work on our marriage. Unfortunately a lot of very unpleasant events have occurred, but he's still got that ego.

Now, however, I don't have those thoughts. I guess it takes time to resolve those feelings.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, if something serious were to happen to my H no I would not find happiness in that.

Although if I found out he was miserable with some of the choices he's made, it might make me feel a little bit better knowing I'm not the only one hurting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

827Aug said:


> Initially, I felt that way. Deep down I believed those "bad" things were for his own good. In other words, those things were needed for him to gain humility again. If he had humility again, I thought he would be willing to work on our marriage. Unfortunately a lot of very unpleasant events have occurred, but he's still got that ego.
> 
> Now, however, I don't have those thoughts. I guess it takes time to resolve those feelings.


I feel exactly the same way, my H is constantly ill, and I thought that this is Karma biting him in the butt. I thought that this will give him the chance to reflect, and like you, gain humility, and realize his part in the unravelling of our marriage, but the more kindness is shown to him, the more arrogant he becomes. 
So I think, I'm getting the picture now that he is never going to change.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I felt that way, seeing my stbxw become the victim of her own lack of reality and immaturity. But I dont want to be that type of person that gets any satisfaction from that. I just dont want to see it or be part of it anymore. Thats not part of growing to me, and its hard not to. The pain and humiliation I went thru due to her infidelity was so excruciating and long term, but what would that make me? Of course some days I feel just like Knut.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

outta sight outta mind.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think seeing the wayward one face the consequences of their decision can help the left behind one to reject some of the hurtful and often untrue justifications (gaslighting) the wayward used against them. When my WW was telling our mutual friends she was too good for me, and that my behavior and actions was what was holding her back in her own life, it brings me a sense of justice to see her fail on her own in the ways that she underappreciated my contributions. Ideally I'd like to see her fail and suffer then accept the truth and use it to improve her life even if it is without me, but I want to accept my own failures first so I can win that race against her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, sometimes I used to get a little happy when my ex fails at yet another relationship.

However, now, I just want him to help himself so he can be truly happy.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon said:


> I think seeing the wayward one face the consequences of their decision can help the left behind one to reject some of the hurtful and often untrue justifications (gaslighting) the wayward used against them. When my WW was telling our mutual friends she was too good for me, and that my behavior and actions was what was holding her back in her own life, it brings me a sense of justice to see her fail on her own in the ways that she underappreciated my contributions.


Suemolly, what Lon put on here is the way I feel about it too. I think that what you are describing borders on the feeling of revenge but at the same time there is a feeling of satisfaction that the wayward one is justifiably getting what they asked for. I don't blame you for cheering that on. At one point in our separation, I was actually hoping for a quick sale of our home, not for me to move on, but for me to see her move on with someone else, treat them the same way she treated me and watch her disappointment as she got the same thing from the new man she got from me. I didn't know how else she was supposed to learn that her actions and ideals about how she has treated me was wrong so I thought if she was miserable with the next man that I would get some payback in a twisted sort of way. yeah, it was evil and probably borders on a passive aggressive attitude but hey, after telling her how she was damaging our relationship for so many years, I gave up and just took on the doormat role. Now, she wants to try to see if we can reconcile, but I won't if she doesn't adjust her patterns and opinions on where I sit on the totum pole with regards to her mother and siblings.

I think that there is no better teacher than experience - good or bad. So if they left you and are disappointed by what they had expected out of it - then let them eat crow! I bet they will be more understanding next time around even if it isn't with you.

Does that sound too vindictive? Good, because they deserve every bit of it. I am going to save the post that shoo did a little while back where he wrote an excellent letter that was more indicative of the way my heart has been ripped out than anything else I have read. Shoo, you could have taken that straight out of a Greek tragedy.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

The German word for that is Schadenfreude. Joy at others misfortune.


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