# Husband tricked me into cheating...sort of



## krbnJ

The husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. At one point or another, we had talked about sexual fantasies as I'm sure most married couples do. 
I had told him it was my fantasy to see him with another woman. His response to this was assuming the ONLY reason I fantasized about that is because I secretly wanted a man with a large penis. 
Since this conversation, he has been convinced not only of this but also that I am a cheater. It was always, "What's his name?" "Who are you with?" Etc. Etc. I am not claiming to be perfect but I had barely ever even looked in the direction of another man. 
Anyways, being convinced that I wanted "experience" with a super large penis, my husband tried talking me into going to a glory hole. I was adamantly against this and did not find it appealing at all. He was relentless though and I tried very hard to agree to it. Looked it up and researched, watch videos in hopes of coming around to the idea. I told him absolutely no way in hell...
So then he wants to take me to a sex club and swing... once again , I am not comfortable with this idea. Not only (at this point) do I have no desire to be with other men, but I'm also quite shy. He asked if I would be willing to give/receive oral to my "swinging" partner which I replied and said "No!" He told me it wouldn't be fair for the guy if there was no oral. Long story short, we never tried swinging.
then he wants me to simply go to a bar, hit on a guy and let him "mess" with me in front of him(my husband). Once again, I couldn't do this... I'm very shy, never even spent much time in a bar to begin with. I am not even confident that I could hit on someone and they'd even be interested. 
So, then he decides he wants me to have sex with one of his friends. Of all his proposals, this one seemed most pleasant... we had talked about this particular fantasy for several months before it ever took place. He talked about how I should go about it etc... warmed me up to the idea and made me feel comfortable aboUT it...he even showed this particular friend a nude pic of me without my permission and before the friend even knew what was going on.... fast forward to my husband's/his friend company christmas party. Lots of drinks later and I successfully seduce my husband's friend...however, I chickened out. 
The next morning, I felt remorseful thay I mimissed out on a good opportunity. The party was at a hotel and each of us had hotel rooms... come on, it can't get easier than that! So I began sexting him hoping we could pick up where we left off and I was verythromycin forthcoming with my husband about what I was doing. When he got home from work that monday, he decided to tell the truth. He had LIED about the fantasy. Never wanted me to be with anyone but was so insecure about himself that he tried setting this up to see how far I would go.... at this point, I was having so much fun texting that I didn't stop. I even made plans to get together with this friend. 
His friend felt guilty, came clean to my husband they repaired their relationship and husband and I did too... I do not have any contact with this friend but I can't stop thinking of him. If given the opportunity, I know I would slrep with him. On the other hand, doing so would put an end to my marriage and I don't want that. How can I stop thinking of this guy?!?!? I mean he was apart of a mutubal sexual fantasy with my husband for several months and I feel like I am really grieving the loss of him.


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## Lostinthought61

Your husband planned a seed in your mind, your fertilized that we'd and now it is growing in your mind.....though that the beginning you were an unwilling partner, what occurred psychologically was a distancing of your feelings from your husband (a sort of a rejection from him) and when you finally connected to this person due to a intimacy you shared with him, your feeling have become to move towards him it is not uncommon but it can be destructive to the marriage...you both need counseling fast....you both need to recommit to the marriage and each other...you both played a hand in this him for baiting you over and over and you for finally taking it. Please seek help now for both of you....some ic for each and couples therapy.


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## NoChoice

OP,
Your mind is racing about this guy as you ponder how it would be and what you now are missing. The short answer is that you are missing out on a boat load of trouble. That deep green luscious grass you see over there is fraught with land mines for you and your family.

Put it out of your head and realize that you have what a lot of people never get. Be content and know that the other guy, once the conquest is achieved, will be "no big deal" and your marriage will most likely be toast as a result. If your H was testing your resolve, you are now failing. Is that what you really want? Your choice but remember you did make a solemn vow, if that means anything to you.


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## ConanHub

Please don't have children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krbnJ

Too late. We already have children.


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## MattMatt

Your husband doesn't value you or your children. 

He might be cheating on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

BTW. Most couples do not think it is hot to picture their SO getting fvcked by someone else.

You should both get therapy. Marriage is for grown UPS. Have either of you been acting mature?

You actually need to cut contact with your AP. You are still cheating in your heart. You would let him fvck you if given the chance.

You think your marriage is going to survive your crappy attitude?

Your husband screwed up but has told you and stopped. You need to grow up and quit betraying your H.

Rule of thumb.... If you love your husband you won't fvck someone else. Easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip

Your H is playing a dangerous game of manipulation. Tell him to stop acting like a chump. 

And regarding the other guy - remember, the grass is always greener over the cesspool.

Once your hormones settle down, you'll be fine. Give it a couple weeks.


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## krbnJ

I don't know what you mean by "have either of you been acting mature?" Like our 10 years of marriage or during this trial only?

I have already stated that I HAVE cut all contact with him.


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## ConanHub

You two may have ten years but you are acting like middle school kids in respect to your marriage and children.

Did neither one of you realize the stupidity of it all? Didn't know the destruction that you two were bringing?

Have you lost respect for your husband? Do you love him as deeply as ever?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krbnJ

I can't speak for him, but I can speak on my behalf and yes I realize it was very destructive to our marrige. Why did I go along with it? I am not sure. Why did I continue once my husband asked me to stop? The thrill. The excitment. Is the trill and excitement worth the destruction of my marriage? NO... That is why I havenot made contact despite desire to. 
Yes, I have lost respect for him.


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## ConanHub

You need to view your attraction for your AP in the harsh light of reality.

If every time you started fantasizing about the dork you pictured a fractured family, the heartbreak and horror if you were discovered by one of your children, that you almost destroyed their safety and security with this idiot, that can help add a negative note to your fantasy. Picture kissing your children with a defiled mouth. Nasty images can help you offset the feel good of your fantasy.

You need to also start thinking of new fantasies involving your H. It will start retraining your brain to be sexually stimulated more for your H.

Are you sexually attracted to your H?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krbnJ

I used to be but now since this incident all I think about is, "Can he hurry up and finish already."


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## MattMatt

Counselling. NOW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

Have you told your H that you have lost respect for him? That is a devastating blow when a wife loses respect.

He needs to start working overtime to earn back the respect he lost. He needs to personally own his cowardice and irresponsible behavior that endangered his family.

You two should sit down and put everything on the table. He needs to know how you are struggling and that he has damaged himself in your eyes.

You need to let him know what he can do to reestablish trust and respect in your relationship. It would be a good idea to get a therapist in on this as you might not have effective ideas off the top of your head.

You both need to communicate all your feelings over this situation. You both have guilt and have both offended.

Hearing each other out, without blame and with reassurance that you are both remorseful and want your marriage to be repaired, will be very helpful.

You should set private time aside for this. You will both need to be able to experience your emotions and be upset or cry without worrying about children or other distractions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam

The real issue I see hear is the lengths your husband was willing to go in his trickery and deceit.

That completely undermines trust in a marriage.

As for getting over your romantic interest in the male friend, the sexting and attraction were never real on his part -- it was all a set up. So rather than sitting around fantasizing about this loser, you should be full of anger that this man was willing to go along with your husband's nutty plan.

You both need marriage counseling, pronto.

Personally, I could not be with someone who was so deceitful and treating his wife like a piece of meat to trade back and forth with his so-called friend.


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## ConanHub

happy as a clam said:


> The real issue I see hear is the lengths your husband was willing to go in his trickery and deceit.
> 
> That completely undermines trust in a marriage.
> 
> As for getting over your romantic interest in the male friend, the sexting and attraction were never real on his part -- it was all a set up. So rather than sitting around fantasizing about this loser, you should be full of anger that this man was willing to go along with your husband's nutty plan.
> 
> You both need marriage counseling, pronto.
> 
> Personally, I could not be with someone who was so deceitful and treating his wife like a piece of meat to trade back and forth with his so-called friend.


Yeah. What a mess. They both sound like they want to salvage it though. Just venting, but if OP was my sister, I know a couple of guys that would need emergency care once I had a "talk" with them.

Hope the husband can step up and repair his damage as well as work to make his marriage stronger than before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brendanoco

MattMatt said:


> Counselling. NOW.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Counselling cant help if she has lost attraction on a Lizard brain level. Her husband demonstrated low value by basically forcing her to try to have sex with other guys, by doing that she has lost complete respect for him which has resulted in her losing attraction to him.

Women like to be desired and protected by their men and the husband did neither of that and she lost respect for him because of that.

OP you don't want the OM, what you want is the feeling you got when you were communicating with him.


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## wmn1

ConanHub said:


> BTW. Most couples do not think it is hot to picture their SO getting fvcked by someone else.
> 
> You should both get therapy. Marriage is for grown UPS. Have either of you been acting mature?
> 
> You actually need to cut contact with your AP. You are still cheating in your heart. You would let him fvck you if given the chance.
> 
> You think your marriage is going to survive your crappy attitude?
> 
> Your husband screwed up but has told you and stopped. You need to grow up and quit betraying your H.
> 
> Rule of thumb.... If you love your husband you won't fvck someone else. Easy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## wmn1

krbnJ said:


> I can't speak for him, but I can speak on my behalf and yes I realize it was very destructive to our marrige. Why did I go along with it? I am not sure. Why did I continue once my husband asked me to stop? The thrill. The excitment. Is the trill and excitement worth the destruction of my marriage? NO... That is why I havenot made contact despite desire to.
> Yes, I have lost respect for him.



you went along with it because you have issues just like your H does.

I never understood how guys can fantasize their wives with other men or vice versa. I think it is a mental disability.

I never understood how women could go along with it, or vice versa. That shows to me the making of a cheat.

He was wrong for starting the path. Was he testing you ? If he was, you failed. Was it right for him to test you ? I don't know, would like to think not but did anything happen before this to make him that way or was he morally deficient to start with ?

Once he said, stop, it should have stopped and the reset button should have been hit to repair the damage. 

Based on your statements, you are going to cheat at some point and it will be on you.

You need help, MC and IC to stop this pattern and your H needs a swift kick in the a$$ for his gamesmanship and counseling too


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## ThePheonix

krbnJ said:


> Yes, I have lost respect for him.


Game over for you marriage my girl. When a woman loses respect for a man, both you and I know it will never return and romantic interest goes down the tubes with it, as evidenced by your comment, ""Can he hurry up and finish already." 
I can't say I blame you. Your old man wanted to get his jollies by getting you to screw another guy. Other than admitting he doesn't believe he or his equipment can deliver anything beyond substandard work, what else does that tell you he feels about you. Face it, he is now a romantic loser in your eyes and there is no recover. Ditch this dweeb and find you a man that doesn't need to partner up with another man to find sex with his wife exciting.
BTW, pay no attention to these cats that tell you it was your responsibility to stop when he said stop. A man that is worth his anywhere close to salt is not pushing his wife to make him a cuckold. When he wanted to explore seeing his wife's saddle on another man's horse, he loses the privileged of telling her when to dismount.


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## Wolf1974

This sounds like tthe weirdest **** test I have ever heard of on here. you both seriously need help.


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## Observer

He is very insecure. Perhaps you do not provide him the security he needs where he does not feel he has to test you. OR, perhaps he is emotional issues that he simply needs to fix. Either case, he needs to see someone or read some good books to help himself. You need to ensure something happens, not only for his sake, but for your marriage. He needs to be the emotional rock, he is a man.

You need counseling as well. He may have led the cart but you are responsible for your own choices in life. You have your own ethics, morals, and values. You could have easily told him that if he bring s it up again you are divorcing him becasue you are insulted at the thought he wants to share you. Problem is you opened pandoras box by telling him that you are O.K. sharing him. That does not tell a man you love him. Please, evaulate your feelings, do you want out of this marriage? If so, have courage to do it for the right reason, not becasue you made poor choices that damage your character.


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## wmn1

Observer said:


> He is very insecure. Perhaps you do not provide him the security he needs where he does not feel he has to test you. OR, perhaps he is emotional issues that he simply needs to fix. Either case, he needs to see someone or read some good books to help himself. You need to ensure something happens, not only for his sake, but for your marriage. He needs to be the emotional rock, he is a man.
> 
> You need counseling as well. He may have led the cart but you are responsible for your own choices in life. You have your own ethics, morals, and values. You could have easily told him that if he bring s it up again you are divorcing him becasue you are insulted at the thought he wants to share you. Problem is you opened pandoras box by telling him that you are O.K. sharing him. That does not tell a man you love him. Please, evaulate your feelings, do you want out of this marriage? If so, have courage to do it for the right reason, not becasue you made poor choices that damage your character.


I agree Observer. While he created the issue, she has responsibility in it too, regardless of a few other posters suggesting otherwise. I think she knows this as evidenced by her coming here and I applaud her doing so.

You are very wise in suggesting she finds her inner feelings and your last sentence makes all of the sense in the world. This is good advice here


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## MachoMcCoy

krbnJ said:


> my husband tried talking me into going to a glory hole.


:scratchhead:

How in gods name do you find one? Is that even a thing? I thought it was just a porn thing. Someone. I NEED to know about this. I am fascinated.

And while we're on a little thread hijack, if any of you gals have ever been to one of those hen parties where the bride and her friends perform oral on the strippers, PM me. I NEED DETAILS!

Sorry. Carry on.


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## ThePheonix

Observer said:


> He is very insecure. Perhaps you do not provide him the security he needs where he does not feel he has to test you.


Let's see, she suppose to provide him with the security he needs while he suggest she participate in a "glory hole". A man that pimps his wife out for his own enjoyment deserves sh-t and she's an idiot if she lives with him. If it was my sister, I'd want her to tell him to go F himself, his equipment and his insecurities. I think she needs a run at the other guy. She may find out what its like to be with a man that doesn't need a buddy to warm up his bed for him. I'm beginning to understand why some guys are here complaining about their wives interest in other men. Security ain't something others allow you to have and presented to you as a gift. Its something you force on people that stay around you.


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## Observer

ThePheonix said:


> Let's see, she suppose to provide him with the security he needs while he suggest she participate in a "glory hole". I'm beginning to understand why some guys are here complaining about their wives interest in other men. Security ain't something others allow you to have. Its something you take.


Well I was certainly speaking to events that led to this. And I disagree, your partner and you absolutely provide each other with security, both verbal and emotional. I'm not sure where you are coming from.


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## Clay2013

Who really goes along with this stuff. I mean really if you felt so uncomfortable you could have put your foot down and said no. I am not blaming you entirely but honestly where do you draw the line. Your husband does not sound like the greatest guy. I think I would have kicked his axx out instead of pressuring me to do something I knew was going to wreck my marriage and my respect for myself. 

......


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## wmn1

Observer said:


> Well I was certainly speaking to events that led to this. And I disagree, your partner and you absolutely provide each other with security, both verbal and emotional. I'm not sure where you are coming from.


I agree. So many questions on this one

1) Why is anyone surprised that sexual immorality occurred when they spoke about it often ?

2) Why was he convinced she was a cheater ?

3) Why did he feel his wasn't 'big enough' after 10 years and having kids ?

4) Why was this a good option. If someone encourages you to steal, are you going to steal ?

5) Why did he encourage and set it up, then stop it suddenly ? And why did she lose any values by pining for it ?

6)Are they looking to stay together ?

7) As MattMatt suggested, is he cheating ?

8) Has he been checking into porn and building fantasies ?

9) Has she been doing #8 ?

10) Why did she want to see him with another woman ?

There's some missing info here but really it is irrelevant. If they want to stay together, they need some type of counseling or they need to sit there and figure out what went wrong. A long weekend away and many discussions could resolve many issues.

However, her going out and cheating on him is a disaster and should not occur. Cheating is wrong, he was wrong, she's wrong. It will take them both to fix it if that's what they want but both will have to have mutual respect if this is to survive although I am wondering if it will anyway since they both seem to lack the moral aptitude to be committed.

I feel badly for the kids


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## 6301

krbnJ said:


> I The thrill. The excitment.


 My advice is to find something else to get your mind off this because the way I see it is if you don't, the "thrill and excitement" will be experienced battling your husbands lawyer in the future.

Your husband is playing a dangerous game with his insecurities and your doing the same thing with this dude rattling around in your head. A fantasy is just that but when it's put into reality, doesn't measure up and for the most part you get nothing but disappointment because the actual act can't compare with the fantasy and then you have to deal with the aftermath of it. It's like branding yourself on your forehead for life so right now you have the one and only chance to do something about it so I hope you choose wisely.


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## michzz

Yes, your H wore you down to the point of you agreeing to something you knew was wrong.

But you always had a choice to not do it.

You can't unring a bell, but you can go get professional help to discuss how the both of you are on a wrong path and to right your course.

Your path now may or may not include your husband.

Personally, I could never respect someone who tried to coerce me into extramarital sex then says he never meant it.

Total mind effing drama.

Lots of blame to throw around here, but the main thing is that you act to make sense of your world and live better than this.


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## ThePheonix

Observer said:


> Well I was certainly speaking to events that led to this.





wmn1 said:


> I agree. So many questions on this one


I've been playing along, but my question is why does it sound like its written by a guy?


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## HarryDoyle

ThePheonix said:


> I've been playing along, but my question is why does it sound like its written by a guy?


I'm just going to sit by this bridge and watch


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## G.J.

krbnJ said:


> The husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. At one point or another, we had talked about sexual fantasies as I'm sure most married couples do.
> I had told him it was my fantasy to see him with another woman. His response to this was assuming the ONLY reason I fantasized about that is because I secretly wanted a man with a large penis.
> Since this conversation, he has been convinced not only of this but also that I am a cheater. It was always, "What's his name?" "Who are you with?" Etc. Etc. I am not claiming to be perfect but I had barely ever even looked in the direction of another man.
> Anyways, being convinced that I wanted "experience" with a super large penis, my husband tried talking me into going to a glory hole. I was adamantly against this and did not find it appealing at all. He was relentless though and I tried very hard to agree to it. Looked it up and researched, watch videos in hopes of coming around to the idea. I told him absolutely no way in hell...
> So then he wants to take me to a sex club and swing... once again , I am not comfortable with this idea. Not only (at this point) do I have no desire to be with other men, but I'm also quite shy. He asked if I would be willing to give/receive oral to my "swinging" partner which I replied and said "No!" He told me it wouldn't be fair for the guy if there was no oral. Long story short, we never tried swinging.
> then he wants me to simply go to a bar, hit on a guy and let him "mess" with me in front of him(my husband). Once again, I couldn't do this... I'm very shy, never even spent much time in a bar to begin with. I am not even confident that I could hit on someone and they'd even be interested.
> So, then he decides he wants me to have sex with one of his friends. Of all his proposals, this one seemed most pleasant... we had talked about this particular fantasy for several months before it ever took place. He talked about how I should go about it etc... warmed me up to the idea and made me feel comfortable aboUT it...he even showed this particular friend a nude pic of me without my permission and before the friend even knew what was going on.... fast forward to my husband's/his friend company christmas party. Lots of drinks later and I successfully seduce my husband's friend...however, I chickened out.
> The next morning, I felt remorseful thay I mimissed out on a good opportunity. The party was at a hotel and each of us had hotel rooms... come on, it can't get easier than that! So I began sexting him hoping we could pick up where we left off and I was verythromycin forthcoming with my husband about what I was doing. When he got home from work that monday, he decided to tell the truth. He had LIED about the fantasy. Never wanted me to be with anyone but was so insecure about himself that he tried setting this up to see how far I would go.... at this point, I was having so much fun texting that I didn't stop. I even made plans to get together with this friend.
> His friend felt guilty, came clean to my husband they repaired their relationship and husband and I did too... I do not have any contact with this friend but I can't stop thinking of him. If given the opportunity, I know I would slrep with him. On the other hand, doing so would put an end to my marriage and I don't want that. How can I stop thinking of this guy?!?!? I mean he was apart of a mutubal sexual fantasy with my husband for several months and I feel like I am really grieving the loss of him.


With people like you and your husband I often wonder why you ever bother getting married

Its hard enough growing together as the years pass and you both change in subtle ways with 
out running around with your cVck or Fan*ny sticking and prodding other people and starting 
emotional bonds that nearly always occur to some extent when you have sex

Did you even listen to the vows the guy in front of you at the church said ?

The other week we had a women on here who's husband wanted her to have sex on web cam 
so he could watch !...guess what the outcome was

MARRIGAE is a gift, a bond between two people that want to share their lives with each other 
spiritually as well as bodily and soon as the contract is broken in most cases it can not be re written

Either get a D both of you or if you want to be married then try to work on it with each other

.


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## wmn1

ThePheonix said:


> I've been playing along, but my question is why does it sound like its written by a guy?


I thought you may have been.

It sounds like a story off of one of those crazy websites like Darkwanderer or Erotica or something but it normally goes all the way there.

I am hopeful that it's not real. If it is, the family there may be toast


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## NoChoice

OP,
What has caused your respect for your H to diminish? Is there some specific reason or combination of reasons?

Can you respect a man who would bed another man's wife? If not how do you find this OM exciting and thrilling?


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## harrybrown

How would you really feel if your H had an A?

You might be hurt. 

Your H is hurt that you went as far as you did.

The OM does not really care about you, just would like to use you.

Hope you wake up that this OM is a fantasy that is not real, and will destroy your family life. 

Good luck, but start looking for the good in your family. 

It would hurt if your H started looking for someone that did not just lay there and hope he would hurry up and finish.

Go to counseling to wake up and see what you have before you destroy it.


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## Thound

Wow! Your husband is one sick puppy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

brendanoco said:


> Counselling cant help if she has lost attraction on a Lizard brain level. Her husband demonstrated low value by basically forcing her to try to have sex with other guys, by doing that she has lost complete respect for him which has resulted in her losing attraction to him.
> 
> Women like to be desired and protected by their men and the husband did neither of that and she lost respect for him because of that.
> 
> OP you don't want the OM, what you want is the feeling you got when you were communicating with him.


Counselling will help her as it will help her get over the fact that her husband has been a duplicitous yahoo.


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## lucy999

Frankly, I think you need to lose your husband. I'm not saying his faux fantasies or fetishes are gross (hey to each his own) but the trickery and deceit he employed is so disrespectful to you. He totally set you up! Aren't you angry about that?


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## Observer

ThePheonix said:


> I've been playing along, but my question is why does it sound like its written by a guy?


You inferred that I was shifting blame to her, as if I am a ***** that thinks it was on her to baby him. At least that is how I interuppted your comment. I laugh because that is hardly the case. My wife cheated because I lacked any Beta traits at all and treated her like ****. I've since gained balence in that regard. Nonetheless, it takes two to make things work. These two clearly need help....if this whole thing is real.


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## Jellybeans

krbnJ said:


> Anyways, being convinced that I wanted "experience" with a super large penis,* my husband tried talking me into going to a glory hole*. I was adamantly against this and did not find it appealing at all. He was relentless though and I tried very hard to agree to it. Looked it up and researched, watch videos in hopes of coming around to the idea. *I told him absolutely no way in hell...*
> 
> So then he wants to take me to a sex club and swing... once again *, I am not comfortable with this idea. Not only (at this point) do I have no desire to be with other men*, but I'm also quite shy. *He asked if I would be willing to give/receive oral to my "swinging" partner* which I replied and said "No!"* He told me it wouldn't be fair for the guy if there was no oral.* Long story short, we never tried swinging.
> 
> then he wants me to simply go to a bar, hit on a guy and let him "mess" with me in front of him(my husband). *Once again, I couldn't do this.*.. I'm very shy, never even spent much time in a bar to begin with. I am not even confident that I could hit on someone and they'd even be interested.
> 
> So, *then he decides he wants me to have sex with one of his friends.* Of all his proposals, this one seemed most pleasant... we had talked about this particular fantasy for several months before it ever took place.* He talked about how I should go about it etc... warmed me up to the idea and made me feel comfortable aboUT it...he even showed this particular friend a nude pic of me without my permission* and before the friend even knew what was going on....
> 
> So I began sexting him hoping we could pick up where we left off and I was verythromycin forthcoming with my husband about what I was doing. *When he got home from work that monday, he decided to tell the truth. He had LIED about the fantasy. Never wanted me to be with anyone but was so insecure about himself that he tried setting this up to see how far I would go.... *


Your husband has no respect for you. He's manipulative, insecure, and seems to want to pimp you out to the masses, despite you saying NO repeatedly, and then worse: when you finally go along with his plan, he tells you he never meant any o f it.

He told you he wanted you to go to a glory hole! Who the F*CK does that? No husband who loves his wife would do this. 

Not only that, but he doesn't even respect the fact that you said NO. It kinda reminds me of when a woman tells a guy NO to his sexual advances, and he proceeds anyway. That is the lowest of the low - scum.

I feel sorry for you and your kids.

As for the other man - forget about him. He isn't worth the brain space although anything probably seems like a mentally nice escape from the a$$ that you married.

I hope you don't have daughters. He is a sick example of a father.


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## happy as a clam

ThePheonix said:


> I've been playing along, but my question is why does it sound like its written by a guy?


[URL="[/URL]


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## krbnJ

Thanks everyone for your input. I've been asleep and I see there are many questions and I hope I answer them all... first, I am not a guy and this is a real post. I am not makin this up. I realize it all sounds wacky, that is why I am posting on an ANON forum. Don't quite wanna bring this up with my mother and ask for advice!
Regarding my original fantasy to see my husband with another woman.. it was JUST a fantasy discussed in the bedroom. The reason I mentioned it in this post was because it seemed to spearhead this entire cascade of events. 
I have lost respect for my husband because not only did he go to great lengths to deceive and trick me, but he helped to shape and rearrange some of my moral conpass... yes, I did have the power to not do anything and even the power to walk away but he was very relentless and I succumbed to his wishes. Does that make me weak? Probably. 
Someone asked if he watches porn and he has our entire marriage. I do not.
we both want to reconcile. My husband has actually seen a doctor and began antidepressants though either of us have yet to seek counseling.
for those who state they are sorry for the children. There is no reason. They have been completey sheltered from this issue as they are all issues we've ever faced.


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## vellocet

krbnj said:


> too late. We already have children.


omfg


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## wmn1

Observer said:


> You inferred that I was shifting blame to her, as if I am a ***** that thinks it was on her to baby him. At least that is how I interuppted your comment. I laugh because that is hardly the case. My wife cheated because I lacked any Beta traits at all and treated her like ****. I've since gained balence in that regard. Nonetheless, it takes two to make things work. These two clearly need help....if this whole thing is real.


It does take two and they were both involved. I agree completely


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## G.J.

krbnJ said:


> for those who state they are sorry for the children. There is no reason. They have been completey sheltered from this issue as they are all issues we've ever faced.


Oh good so when you divorce they'll be shielded from that :scratchhead:

Grow up and start to concentrate on your marriage and leave fantasy in the bedroom between the two of you or eventually the *CHILDREN WILL SUFFER*


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## Affaircare




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## krbnJ

I've already stated we aren't getting a divorce. Divorce can happen to any marriage regardless of whether the problems are "grown-up" or "childish." Do you automatically feel sorry for all children who are a product of marriage because divorce is a possibility?


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## Jellybeans

krbnJ said:


> for those who state they are sorry for the children. There is no reason. They have been completey sheltered from this issue as they are all issues we've ever faced.


That's what YOU think.


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## Jellybeans

krbnJ said:


> I've already stated we aren't getting a divorce. Divorce can happen to any marriage regardless of whether the problems are "grown-up" or "childish." Do you automatically feel sorry for all children who are a product of marriage because divorce is a possibility?


Your problems are on a WHOLE 'different level than some regular, 50% of marriages-end in a divorce'-thing.


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## Jellybeans

I admit. I thought it was a troll at:

_"Anyways, being convinced that I wanted "experience" with a super large penis, my husband tried talking me into going to a *glory hole*."_


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## ThePheonix

krbnJ said:


> I've already stated we aren't getting a divorce.


Maybe not next week. But tell the truth. Are you really wanting to have a man you've lost understandably lost respect for, who wanted to see you in a "glory hole" doing strange men with strange smells and worse diseases, being the primary person in life you rely on. You're living in a house of cards my lady.


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## happy as a clam

krbnJ said:


> I've already stated we aren't getting a divorce. Divorce can happen to any marriage regardless of whether the problems are "grown-up" or "childish." *Do you automatically feel sorry for all children who are a product of marriage because divorce is a possibility?*


Uh-oh... here comes the part where the OP starts questioning and getting upset at the posters...

Time to go start dinner!


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## vellocet

Jellybeans said:


> Your husband has no respect for you. He's manipulative, insecure, and seems to want to pimp you out to the masses, despite you saying NO repeatedly, and then worse: when you finally go along with his plan, he tells you he never meant any o f it.
> 
> He told you he wanted you to go to a glory hole! Who the F*CK does that? No husband who loves his wife would do this.
> 
> Not only that, but he doesn't even respect the fact that you said NO.


I agree, that's all kinds of F'd up on his part.

However......she decided boning his friend was doable. So it isn't like he was far off base to think that she actually WOULD go for screwing his friend.

So IMO, what his warped suggestions proved is that she wasn't into all that freaky porn type crap (glory hole, etc), but she was into having sex with someone that wasn't him.


Actually I did something sort of like this, but nowhere NEAR this extreme. I had a GF when younger that I just didn't think I could trust. I wanted someone that was into me and only me. So I just threw out there once, what do you think about MFM. Her answer, only if you would be ok with it.

Dumped.


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## Q tip

Perhaps, in each their own way, they deserve each other.

Live well and prosper.

..and don't forget to brush.


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## bfree

OP, I'd respectfully like to ask you a question. You've lost all respect for your husband. I question whether he ever truly had respect for you. Respect, along with trust, are the most difficult things to rebuild when broken. How do you intend to rebuild the lost respect and trust? How do you expect to continue this marriage if you can't?


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## Q tip

Jellybeans said:


> Your problems are on a WHOLE 'different level than some regular, 50% of marriages-end in a divorce'-thing.


Yah.. Some last forever.


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## vellocet

krbnJ said:


> I have already stated that I HAVE cut all contact with him.


No. You HAVE no contact with him. You didn't really CUT contact. The friend felt guilty, confessed to your husband. 

So its the friend that put that in motion, not you. Otherwise you'd still be at the sexting and making plans to meet him.


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## Blossom Leigh

Jellybeans said:


> No husband who loves his wife would do this.


ANY of what he did.... 

But the reality is OP, he didn't trust you and gave you the biggest sh*t test to prove his point. You failed the test.

Problem is ... he messed with your chemistry and now wants to call foul. Sorry, it doesn't work that way... he doesn't get off scott free on this one.

Sorry, neither of you can get off easy on this one.


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## krbnJ

I wouldn't say that I have lost ALL respect. I mean despite these issues, he has been a good father, husband and person in general, but obviously I DO feel betrayed by his actions whice is why I have lost certain degrees of respect for him to the poster who said that *I* haven't cut contact... I suppose you're right but I haven't contacted him after the fact, though the temptation remains there. 
To those asking how I intend on rebuilding trust in my relationship, I am not sure yet.


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## MattMatt

vellocet said:


> No. You HAVE no contact with him. You didn't really CUT contact. The friend felt guilty, confessed to your husband.
> 
> So its the friend that put that in motion, not you. Otherwise you'd still be at the sexting and making plans to meet him.


Unless the friend was in on it from the beginning:scratchhead:?


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## cdbaker

I'll admit, once upon a time I was really curious about some of the things you are describing, that being wife swapping, hot wifing, cuckoldry, swinging, etc. Through years of porn use, I somehow fell into that kink and tried to get my wife into it to some degree much as your husband did. As with your situation, I ended up "successfully" encouraging my wife to hook up with my friend, and they did several times over a period of six months, mostly while I was present but not always. I also know that there is a sizable community of people who are into this stuff, so it's not fair to say that "No man who loves his wife would encourage this." It was more of a phase for me, but I know there are many who live it every day.

With that background, yeah I can say that I think you husband is largely responsible for everything that has happened. He has lost your respect, your trust, and most of all your desire. Any woman is going to have a hard time wanting to be intimate with a man whom she feels has betrayed her, is weak, who was willing to sell out his wife for a few jollies and has such incredibly low self confidence. There is just nothing attractive about a guy like that.

On the flip side, everything about the short time with the "friend" was exciting. It was taboo, "naughty", he was NEW, probably very confident and forthright about his desires, etc. It's probably not easy to walk away from. This is definitely one of those situations where he opened pandora's box and has regrets.

He needs to work hard in therapy and rebuild his self confidence in a major way. He needs to earn back her respect, and show her that he's a confident guy who knows what he wants and isn't concerned about any other man in the world. I'll also add that I don't believe he lied about his interest in all this for a second. I fully believe that he was very much into all of it, very much excited by all of it. Then when it finally happened, he had doubts and panicked, saying that he was lying the whole time in an effort to guilt her into walking away from it all and and make her feel bad for the whole thing in an in-conceived power ploy.

Just my two cents.


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## NoChoice

OP,
Since your H has no representation here I would like to play devil's advocate on his behalf. Your H has been described herein as one sick puppy, very insecure, a freak, and several others but I would like to inquire as to how this insecurity came to be. You indicated that you two were sharing fantasies when you disclosed that you would like to see him with another woman.

According to your first post, he then "automatically" assumed that you wanted to experience a male of extraordinary proportions to the point of becoming obsessed with the notion. Was that the sum total of what happened or was there more to the story?

It seems a leap for a man married for several years to suddenly become obsessed with the notion that his bride is now longing for and actively pursuing, that which she cannot have with no evidence to support such a position save a comment during intimacy. Are you certain there exists no additional information which may explain further his need to "test" your resolve?

It seems more plausible that there was said or done something by you which caused this deep seated angst in him. Perhaps even a more subtle indicator such as body language or attitude during certain situations? In any event, he seemingly became convinced that he needed to "prove" your steadfast dedication to him. A test, by the way, which you failed at the hotel and with subsequent contacts to the OM thereby indicating that his "insecurities" were more fact than fiction.

I do not think your H is insecure at all and, by your own admission, you wanted to bed the friend and put forth significant effort to do just that, even after your H explained his hoax to you. I believe your H had a gut feeling to which he reacted, proving what he feared to be true. And you have lost all respect for him...interesting.


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## ThePheonix

bfree said:


> I question whether he ever truly had respect for you. Respect, along with trust, are the most difficult things to rebuild when broken.



Of course you know the answer to that question. Regarding rebuilding of respect, it will never happen. Loss of respect is the result of your observation of the actions of a person. No future action on their part can ever erase your observation. The girl in this story will always remember what the guy was pushing her to do.


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## vellocet

MattMatt said:


> Unless the friend was in on it from the beginning:scratchhead:?


If he was, he wouldn't have felt guilty and confessed. Unless it was the original plan to play along and the continuous sexting was his own doing.


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## wilson

It's like your H was trying to get you hooked on drugs or something. "Hey, try heroin, it's great, really, here, try it, try it." Now you tried it and you're hooked and he's surprised.

It could be that he didn't know what he was in for. Maybe he thought it would be hot, but then when it really happened his emotions freaked out. It wasn't until it happened that he really knew how he'd feel about it. The same with you. Before you hit on the guy you probably thought you could stop at any time. But, oops, your brain is craving the high from flirting and it's all you can think about and you have trouble controlling yourself. The same brain you need to recover is the same brain which wants this guy.

I think what you guys need to do is make a clean break from your current job and city. Move somewhere else so you can think of all this stuff as happening to someone else in a different place. As long as you're in the same house with the same jobs, you'll always be living in this mess. You guys played with fire and got terribly burned. Learn from this mistake and move on. I think if you guys move to a new environment you'll be better able to make a real recovery.


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## happy as a clam

Q tip said:


> ..and don't forget to brush.


^ ^ ^

THIS!! THIS!!!

OP, ALWAYS brush your teeth! This will solve a heap of problems...


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## happy as a clam

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> ...I would like to play *devil's advocate* on his behalf. Your H has been described herein as one sick puppy, very insecure, a freak, and several others but I would like to inquire as to how this insecurity came to be. You indicated that you two were sharing fantasies when* you disclosed that you would like to see him with another woman.*
> 
> ...According to your first post, *he then "automatically" assumed that you wanted to experience a male of extraordinary proportions to the point of becoming obsessed with the notion*. Was that the sum total of what happened or was there more to the story?
> 
> *It seems a leap* for a man married for several years to suddenly become obsessed with the notion that his bride is now longing for and actively pursuing, that which she cannot have with no evidence to support such a position save a comment during intimacy. Are you certain there exists no additional information which may explain further his need to "test" your resolve?
> 
> ...he seemingly became convinced that he needed to "prove" your steadfast dedication to him.
> 
> ...by your own admission, *you wanted to bed the friend* and put forth significant effort to do just that, even after your H explained his hoax to you.
> 
> ...And you have lost all respect for him...interesting.


VERY astute observations, NoChoice. This story really isn't adding up unless OP can give us more details how this all came to be.

Let's see... happy life, happy marriage, husband presses wife to enact fantasy, husband assumes wife wants a LARGER PACKAGE (why? after 10 years of marital happiness?)

Husband employs dastardly friend to agree to dupe wife... Why? Why would ANY friend agree to this? And why would wife agree to this?

OP... we need more details.


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## chaos

This is the second thread where a wife has been enticed and encourage by her [email protected]$$ husband to do something so utterly destructive to their marriage. Is there a full moon or is there some cosmic alignment of the stars that is causing this kind of lunacy? :scratchhead:


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## Dogbert

chaos said:


> This is the second thread where a wife has been enticed and encourage by her [email protected]$$ husband to do something so utterly destructive to their marriage. Is there a full moon or is there some cosmic alignment of the stars that is causing this kind of lunacy? :scratchhead:


If this was December I would say that these husbands need to have their bells jingled HARD.


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## happy as a clam

chaos said:


> This is the second thread where a wife has been enticed and encourage by her [email protected]$$ husband to do something so utterly destructive to their marriage. *Is there a full moon or is there some cosmic alignment of the stars that is causing this kind of lunacy?* :scratchhead:


When the mooooooon is in the seventh house.... and Jupiter, aligns with Mars.... and PEEEEEACE will guide the planets... and lo-oo-ove will steer the stars...


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## Dogbert

When the mooooooon is in the outhouse.... and Jupiter shacks up with Mars.... and SLEEEEZ will guide the planets... and BOOOZ will steer the stars...

I can hear mama Cass choking on that ham sandwich, NOT!


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## Plan 9 from OS

No idea if this is real or not, but I know this type of scenario plays out in real life. Not so much the lengths a spouse would go to set up his/her partner to cheat, but more along the lines of making a threesome or hot spouse fantasy into a reality. It normally blows up in your face and all these feelings of jealousy/regret flood in and the harm to the marriage is usually fatal.


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## Dogbert

Plan 9 from OS said:


> No idea if this is real or not, but I know this type of scenario plays out in real life. Not so much the lengths a spouse would go to set up his/her partner to cheat, but more along the lines of making a threesome or hot spouse fantasy into a reality. It normally blows up in your face and all these feelings of jealousy/regret flood in and the harm to the marriage is usually fatal.


Husband taking wife to male friend's house for a 3 some


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## happy as a clam

Dogbert said:


> When the mooooooon is in the outhouse.... and Jupiter shacks up with Mars.... and SLEEEEZ will guide the planets... and BOOOZ will steer the stars...
> 
> I can hear mama Cass choking on that ham sandwich, NOT!


Love, love LOVE it!! :rofl:



















(Not sure what Mama Cass has to do with it though, since the Fifth Dimension sang it!! :rofl


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## Dogbert

happy as a clam said:


> Love, love LOVE it!! :rofl:
> 
> Not sure what Mama Cass has to do with it though, since the Fifth Dimension sang it!! :rofl


She was part of the Mamas and the Papas in which Michelle and John Phillips were also members. John Phillips was a scumbag who not only cheated on his wife Michelle numerous times, he also introduced his daughter Mackenzie Phillips - daughter from a previous marriage - to heroin at age 11 and had 10 year incestuous relationship with her. He was also big hypocrite who dumped his wife Michelle because of her affair with Denny Doherty, after having cheated on her many times.


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## G.J.

krbnJ said:


> I've already stated we aren't getting a divorce. Divorce can happen to any marriage regardless of whether the problems are "grown-up" or "childish." Do you automatically feel sorry for all children who are a product of marriage because divorce is a possibility?


So your saying the way you are acting is not courting with divorce



give me strengthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:slap:


And don't be absurd throwing out a generality


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## VFW

To fix this problem, you need to get to the source of the problem and that is you. How did he trick you? You chose to cheat, you had the power to prevent this. I agree that his behavior was deplorable, but your statement is no more than blame-shifting. You are still left with the same dilemma of how to fix your relationship. I would suggest that you two seek couples counseling and seek to establish a relationship that bonds you together, instead of bonding with others.


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## Dogbert

krbnJ said:


> I I haven't contacted him after the fact, though the temptation remains there.


This friend is history. You and hubby must cut ties with him or you and friend will be regular visitors to the "motel don't tell"


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## lovesmanis

Everyone has different views on love, sex, marriage and relationships, so all of those who are saying that they will divorce over this, stop. Just because that is what you would do does not make it viable advice for this situation and their marriage.

What needs to be dealt with is the reasoning why he played this game with you for so long.

Men who are cuckolds are like that because they enjoy seeing their wives pleasured by other men. This is something that works for lots of couples.

Your husband had this fantasy and then decided he could not do it. Give him points for bringing his values back in line with yours.
He is seeking treatment. Give him points for that too.

As it seems that his porn use, low self esteem and depression are the reasons behind him having this fantasy, then he needs to stop looking at porn and work on improving his self esteem. 

Your respect for him will come back once he is successful in over coning his issues.


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## ConanHub

Dogbert said:


> Husband taking wife to male friend's house for a 3 some


LOL!&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

bfree said:


> Respect, along with trust, are the most difficult things to rebuild when broken.


Word.

This is a perfect case of: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT.

Be careful what you wish for, ladies and gentlemen.


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## Myfault123

Dear OP, I am the person in the other thread with a similar theme, if only I could be where you are now. I would put some very strong boundaries in place.

Our fantasy started similar to yours without the glory hole and this has so destroyed our 20year marriage, 25 years together. 

I slept with another man, after insistence from my husband. I went back 2 more times with devastating results. I went back and did not see this as cheating as a part of me thought ' my H sanctioned this'. However, I know I made the choice each time with my betrayal. 

I love my H and have regrets over what I did.


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## Observer

Myfault123 said:


> Dear OP, I am the person in the other thread with a similar theme, if only I could be where you are now. I would put some very strong boundaries in place.
> 
> Our fantasy started similar to yours without the glory hole and this has so destroyed our 20year marriage, 25 years together.
> 
> I slept with another man, after insistence from my husband. I went back 2 more times with devastating results. I went back and did not see this as cheating as a part of me thought ' my H sanctioned this'. However, I know I made the choice each time with my betrayal.
> 
> I love my H and have regrets over what I did.


How either of you can love you husbands is beyond me. You clearly do not love yourselves because if you did, you never would of got in, or tolerated any of it in the first place.


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## G.J.

Myfault123 said:


> Dear OP, I am the person in the other thread with a similar theme, if only I could be where you are now. I would put some very strong boundaries in place.
> 
> Our fantasy started similar to yours without the glory hole and this has so destroyed our 20year marriage, 25 years together.
> 
> I slept with another man, after insistence from my husband. I went back 2 more times with devastating results. I went back and did not see this as cheating as a part of me thought ' my H sanctioned this'. However, I know I made the choice each time with my betrayal.
> 
> I love my H and have regrets over what I did.


krbnJ straight from the horses mouth so learn to keep your knickers on with everyone else other than your husband or prepare for a likely divorce and *THE KIDS WILL SUFFFER*


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## Chaparral

Buy him the book linked to below Married Man Sex Life Primer. He's lost his confidence. If he follows this advice it should help.


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## crossbar

Wow! So delusional. Okay OP here we go!

First, one thing I know is women aren't stupid. You knew what was going on and your husband didn't trick you. You knew what was up and you knew what you were doing. What you're doing is something call blame shifting. That the cause of all your problems was because of your husband almost tricking you to cheat. You're flipping the blame on him to ease your own guilt on the situation. But, here's the rub. You had the ultimate choice whether to cheat or not. Your husband had no hand in that. That choice was yours and yours alone. So, you ended up doing some inappropriate things with another guy and you're finding yourself wanting to "finish" the deal. 

You stated that you've lost some respect for your husband. That could be to justify it in your head that you despise your husband and that's why you have this attraction for this other dude. "If my husband didn't try to trick me, I would have these feelings for this other dude." And I speculate that you're STILL talking to this other dude and hoping for an opportunity to hook up with him. 

You state that you two are sheltering your children from your problems. Guess what? Kids aren't stupid either. They can see and feel the tension between the two of you. They can see the disrespect that you have for your husband. You may not know you're doing it, but they know that things aren't the same as they were in the past.

Fantasies are great, fantasies are fun! But, some fantasies need to remain just that....fantasies. Especially if they involve other people.

You need to start owning up to your own sh*t for the problems you're having in your relationship. You both NEED to get to counseling to try and fix this.


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## sidney2718

Dogbert said:


> She was part of the Mamas and the Papas in which Michelle and John Phillips were also members. John Phillips was a scumbag who not only cheated on his wife Michelle numerous times, he also introduced his daughter Mackenzie Phillips - daughter from a previous marriage - to heroin at age 11 and had 10 year incestuous relationship with her. He was also big hypocrite who dumped his wife Michelle because of her affair with Denny Doherty, after having cheated on her many times.


Of course. He was a man of honor and would never stay with a cheating wife. :sleeping:


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## ConanHub

sidney2718 said:


> Of course. He was a man of honor and would never stay with a cheating wife. :sleeping:


LOL!!&#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krbnJ

Thank you all for all your responses. I havery read each and every single word and each of you have helped in some way even those of you who mocked me. I realize now more than ever that I want not only to fight very hard for my husband and repair the damage that has been cause, but I also desperately want to feel romantically in love with my husband like I once have. I am going to look at what type of counselor my insurance covers and make a phone call for an appointment in the morning. I will also let my husband know that we can no longer have any type of group outings with this friend because oddly enough the temptation is still buries deep within me and I don't know how to get rid of it at the moment. Once again, thanks to you all


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## ConanHub

Good for you k! Hope you make good progress in restoring your marriage and making it stronger.

Yeah. Unfortunately the friend needs to go. A line was crossed and what is done cannot be undone.

If he cares at all for your H, and I think he does, then he should understand the damage he helped do to your marriage and take a hike.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet

sidney2718 said:


> Of course. He was a man of honor and would never stay with a cheating wife. :sleeping:


He wasn't a man of honor, he was a hypocrite.


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## ConanHub

I think ol' sid was being sarcastic and ironic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chaos

krbnJ said:


> Thank you all for all your responses. I havery read each and every single word and each of you have helped in some way even those of you who mocked me. I realize now more than ever that I want not only to fight very hard for my husband and repair the damage that has been cause, but I also desperately want to feel romantically in love with my husband like I once have. I am going to look at what type of counselor my insurance covers and make a phone call for an appointment in the morning. I will also let my husband know that we can no longer have any type of group outings with this friend because oddly enough the temptation is still buries deep within me and I don't know how to get rid of it at the moment. Once again, thanks to you all


Great update. Best of luck.


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## NoChoice

Best of luck to you.


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## Calibre1212

So in all of this, you never wanted him to fulfill his fantasy? Weird. Such a one-way pursuit of the fantasy experience you both discussed. If you wanted to distract from your husband's "pushing" you to engage in your fantasy, push him as much to pursue his. It would end the whole ordeal. Well the fantasizing about the friend is lighting the fire that will either burn out of control and result in infidelity or it's going to boil down to the friend or you: He needs to discard his friend or discard you or you can all agree to a 3some. Just my 2 cents.

Disclaimer: I do not condone adultery or non-monogamy.


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## KingwoodKev

Fantasies can be healthy to a relationship. Fantasies acted out can be an F5 tornado and completely destroy a relationship. There's a reason they're fantasies and they should remain fantasy forever and ever.

In this case that genie is out of the bottle and she can't ever be put back in. In truth, if you really enjoy sexting or hooking up with any other man then you don't want your husband anymore and you should both plan on going your separate ways. If he was your everything then you'd have zero desire to be romantic with anyone else.

The first step is for both of you to be 100% honest with each other about the current state of the relationship and what you really want the future state to be. You both have to be brutally honest regardless of the hurt feelings that might cause. That's about the only way to save it at this point if you really want it saved. Also if you want it saved you have to cease and desist ALL contact with other men.

You're getting caught up in a "grass might be greener..." syndrome and I can tell you it isn't. Save yourself. Do the right thing.


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## vellocet

ConanHub said:


> I think ol' sid was being sarcastic and ironic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know. I was simply responding to the idea, sarcastic or otherwise, of the character of someone that doesn't want to stay with a cheating spouse.


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## wmn1

very true Dogbert about the Mamas and the Papas. Not too many people know about that story. They are all dead now except for Michelle Phillips


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## cdbaker

You might be careful about how you go about avoiding the other male friend.

If you tell your husband what you said above, that group outings with that friend should be avoided because you'll be tempted otherwise, that might backfire as I imagine the last thing he wants to hear is that there are scenarios where you'll be tempted to betray him. (As ridiculous as it is that "betrayal" now was actually encouraged not that long ago) Instead, I might suggest just choosing to not do anything or go anywhere that might result in an interaction with the friend. Your husband will probably get the hint anyway.


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## ConanHub

No contact with the AP is pretty standard, across the board advice. Her husband needs to be on board with this to successfully R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cavenger

This is so ridiculous.


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