# Am I wrong?



## blessed18 (Jun 4, 2018)

My birthday is coming up and I've been planning a trip to see my friends and family and for my sister and best friends (all girls) to go out and celebrate. Now, my husband want to come. I told him yes but realized, it's only us girls. Where or what will he do there? Am I wrong tell him no he can't go because it's just us women?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

- Has he said why he wanted to come?
- How far away are you going and for how long?
- Have you implied that it is just for the ladies and it would be kind of silly that he would come?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

My husband will hang out with me and my female friends.

I hang out with him, and his guy friends all the time.

Not a big deal for us.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I would likely be a little hurt and feel left out if my SO wanted to celebrate his birthday out of town without me. So, your husband may be feeling similarly. He might wonder why you want to be away from him for your celebration. 

Also, I would have zero problem with my partner tagging along with me and my friends for my birthday. Because I don't do anything on "girls night" that I would feel uncomfortable doing with him there. However, my SO would run screaming from a suggestion that he attend with me because he has no desire to tag along with a gaggle of women while we're gossiping, eating salad, getting tipsy, doing the Bus Stop to old-school dance music and migrating back and forth from the ladies room in groups. However, he also trusts me and knows that such things would be all that is going on. Because, again, we don't do anything on our girls nights that we wouldn't do if our partners were right there. 

OP, if your husband wants to go with you, invite him to do so. But make sure he's aware of what you'll be doing and what girls nights out look like in your group, so that he can make an informed choice about how he wants to spend his time. Unless, of course there is some reason you wouldn't want him witnessing what you and your friends get up to when you're out together? 

And also consider doing something special with just him, so that you two have a chance to celebrate your birthday together.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Rowan said:


> I would likely be a little hurt and feel left out if my SO wanted to celebrate his birthday out of town without me. So, your husband may be feeling similarly. He might wonder why you want to be away from him for your celebration.
> 
> Also, I would have zero problem with my partner tagging along with me and my friends for my birthday. Because I don't do anything on "girls night" that I would feel uncomfortable doing with him there. However, my SO would run screaming from a suggestion that he attend with me because he has no desire to tag along with a gaggle of women while we're gossiping, eating salad, getting tipsy, doing the Bus Stop to old-school dance music and migrating back and forth from the ladies room in groups. However, he also trusts me and knows that such things would be all that is going on. Because, again, we don't do anything on our girls nights that we wouldn't do if our partners were right there.
> 
> ...


Wow, all of this is spot on. +1


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I can't imagine NOT including my husband in something as special as a birthday. What prompted you to plan a celebration without him?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W will have a birthday with her lady friends. Dinner at one of their homes. Some wine. Cake and gift. No biggie. We then have a family birthday celebration on or around the actual date of my W birthday. 

Quite honestly, your H should be making some kind of birthday party for you and any family members that would like to attend.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You and your husband must not be very close if you’re organizing big trips with the girls and hoping he doesn’t show.

Yes, he should be included if he wants, realizing that the only reason he’d want to is to be with you or because he doesn’t trust you.

I suspect because he doesn’t trust you.

Why don’t you tell us why that might be?

Or tell why you don’t care to dpend time with your husband on your birthday?

Or tell me I’ve got it all wrong and why you and your husband have a great relationship.

I hope I’m all wrong, btw.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

It depends on whether your friends are single and party girls and if you have some ex boyfriends back home. I know first hand from both sides of the coin what can happen when with the wrong friends partying and drinking.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Once again, I'm going against the fray.

Why is everyone acting like the OP has committed some kind of mortal sin just because she wants to go back home to see her FAMILY and her friends, and celebrate her birthday out with her girlfriends and SISTERS?

He was obviously FINE with it as she already had said this trip was in the works when he changed his mind and wanted to go.

Personally, he's going to look like a real *insecure douche bag*, forcing himself on a group of women when it was supposed to be an all-girl reunion. Is he that much of a selfish ass-hole that he just can't stand you having some time to catch up with friends and family without insinuating himself into the middle of it? I'd honestly be embarrassed if my husband was so insecure that he had to plant himself in the middle of my girl's night out. And as one of your friends or one of your sisters, I really wouldn't appreciate him horning in and changing the whole dynamic of our special girls night out, all because HE has insecurity issues.

And lastly, this just puts the onus on YOU to now have entertain HIM all night and make sure he's not bored with the girl chatter while still trying to enjoy the company of women you really want to catch up with.

Could he BE any more selfish and self-involved?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This is the guy who refused to go on a vacation with you and both you’re children but then went with his single friends instead?
He leaves the house without telling you he is going,even putting out the garbage is an excuse to disappear for hours.You have caught him lying about where he is going and he doesn’t contact you on his nights out.
He refuses to get involved with the kids and every activity is left to you while he plays his games or his music.
Can you not see he just wants a housekeeper/childminder and wants to live his single life without any responsibilities other than monetary.And he is projecting his guilt onto you by wanting to accompany you on your birthday trip.
You need to start standing up for yourself and going away with some friends or family would be a start.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why is it that all male family members and friends are excluded?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I had written something else, but then read Andy's post.

He said everything I would have said.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

I have no issue telling my husband when it is just girls. Just like he gets time to be with his buddies. Having just one spouse changes the dynamic so I get why you may not want him there. 

But is it by design or chance that no other guys will be there at all?


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

Well here is how you can handle that in order not to offend anyone.

Your husband can come but while there, spend some of the time with your girlfriends. Heck he can camp out at the hotel or bar til you come back. Then if you and your girls do something else, ask them if your hubby can come. 

Do any of them have husbands/boyfriends? Maybe he can hang with the men.

Whatever you do...don't let this cause a riff between you and your hubby. The best thing to do is talk about expectations so nobody is disappointment. Did you talk to him about planning this because it is a girls trip? Did he seem offended by it? Is he demanding to come or just wanting to come? Do you think he would have gotten mad if you said no it's a girls trip and you and him will do something when you return or before you go?

Good luck.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

blessed18 said:


> My birthday is coming up and I've been planning a trip to see my friends and family and for my sister and best friends (all girls) to go out and celebrate. Now, my husband want to come. I told him yes but realized, it's only us girls. Where or what will he do there? Am I wrong tell him no he can't go because it's just us women?


Too many variables and moving parts here. 

Much of this depends on what kind of couple you are, what each others boundaries are and how important you value birthdays. 

Some couples travel out of town without their mats all the time and neither care, it is just part of their relationship. Some couples always take trips together. 

Some people don't treat each others birthdays as big deals and others consider them special occasions. 

The answer to these questions probably point to the way this is going to play out. Is vacationing without the other normal for you guys or are you going rogue here? Did you at least ask if he had anything planned for your birthday before scheduling to be out of town and telling him he's not welcome or did you just go rogue and do it without talking first?


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I agree 100 percent with it depends on the couple. I know my sister and her hubby who have been married for over 20 years and have kids ranging from 8 to 22 would both tell the it other go and have fun. Whoever is left at home would welcome the break. I know there is no way I want to go away for a nice trip with no kids and not have my hubby to enjoy it with me. I think I would say if either spouse thinks the other wouldn't like it, then don't do it. I honestly don't think my husband would mind going away with the fellas but he is very in tune to my "insecurities" and tries not to trigger them. The result is with the process of time I'm becoming less insecure and more confident.

I think it's always good for couples to have empathy toward each other to maintain a close relationship. I just always feel like my husband and I have each others backs when it comes to our imperfections and shortcomings.


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## gman95901 (May 19, 2011)

I agree that it depends on the precedent set by the couple within the boundaries and framework of the relationship. As for me personally, I've never understood the point of girls only nights or guys nights. Quite frankly, I can't stand to be in the company of male friends for too long before I grow impatient and start rolling my eyes from the prototypical male conversations that are as predictable as the sunset and sunrise. I'm not a fan of these wall builders because as I've seen in countless relationships, while the girls or guys only night is routinely scheduled, that date night or romantic weekend with their spouse seems to fall by the wayside. When these nights become so commonplace and begin to take priority, then they become a detriment. Call me a rare breed, but I haven't been on a guys night out for over twenty years and I much rather hang with my wife and her female friends. Perhaps your spouse simply has a feminine side and has a desire to do the same. And what's wrong with that?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Once again, I'm going against the fray.
> 
> Why is everyone acting like the OP has committed some kind of mortal sin just because she wants to go back home to see her FAMILY and her friends, and celebrate her birthday out with her girlfriends and SISTERS?
> 
> ...


Wow. It sounded to me like OP was vague in letting her husband know exactly what she had planned. Never once understood him to be forcing himself into his wife’s presence.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I guess there is some history here that I will have to go back and read...But what is weird to me, does the husband NORMALLY celebrate the wife's birthday? Or is she just going with "da girls"? 


And as for being insecure, the post didn't show that at all. Something is missing here. Or somebody is....


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> I guess there is some history here that I will have to go back and read...But what is weird to me, does the husband NORMALLY celebrate the wife's birthday? Or is she just going with "da girls"?
> 
> 
> And as for being insecure, the post didn't show that at all. Something is missing here. Or somebody is....


There is I just read up on it.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I just don’t know what to say or where to say it. You have three threads going, all dealing with how you really don’t like your husband. 

Together 6 and married 2 I think. None of this behavior was present before the marriage?

I see no problems spending time with the girls have fun. You are the one that said he could come along when asked. 

Did he know from the start of your planning this party, that it was girls only?

Did you allow him to plan something just with him and the kids as well?

Not enough information. 

The thing with the kids is this. Is your oldest the same age as your husbands oldest?

Are the two oldest boys or girls or one of each?

It’s kind of hard on the child if the three others can come to you anytime they want or need while his oldest is told to stay out.


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## gman95901 (May 19, 2011)

ABHale said:


> Wow. It sounded to me like OP was vague in letting her husband know exactly what she had planned. Never once understood him to be forcing himself into his wife’s presence.


I tend to agree. Very vague if you ask me.

On the flip side, if I as the husband were posting to this forum with a similar thread about wanting to take a trip across country for my birthday to have a boys night only, I'm certain that by now I would have been under suspicion of wanting to visit places of ill repute or questioned as a philanderer for NOT wanting her to go. This whole thread clearly illustrates the deficiency of discussion forums because no matter how you play it, you're only privy to the OP's viewpoint and not the other spouse. This means you only get one side and you never have all the facts. I mean why would you NOT want your spouse involved in your birthday and instead insist on being a state or more away on that day? I'm still asking myself that one. But I tend to believe you always have to look at a poster's overall body of work with regards to posting, because that often tells you whether there's trouble in paradise or not...


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

The lack of candor is what is getting me. OP baits the thread like "Okay, is it weird that my hubby..." It is very one sided and obfuscated. It can lead anywhere. But the secret which we can all agree, is when a partner purposefully minimizes and diminishes the subject, it is woefully incorrect and items are left hidden. IE..Guys CAN go to the birthday..Just not HIM.


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