# Question



## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I am trying to figure out if I'm a prude or if my husband is out of line.

We drove to a party and my 2 year old fell asleep in the car. We decided to let my son sleep so we parked outside the house on a residential street. It was daylight. My husband stats pressuring me to give him oral sex and or take my shirt off. He takes his penis out his jeans.

I refused. It's a residential street in daylight and my sons sleeping in the car. He tried this once before in a similar situAtion and asked to have sex and I refused. He got upset at me for saying no. The thing is I found out he's been cheating on me with casual sex partners and he pRtly gave the reason that I'm not into sex. 

I like sex. Just not on public residential streets. You can be arrested for that. And say my son wakes up. But then I'm afraid to say no and then he cheats on me. I realize I sound pathetic. But still - am I a prude or is he out of line?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Forget about the prude thing for a minute, I have to ask why you would stay with a man that cheats on you? Where is your self respect?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> I am trying to figure out if I'm a prude or if my husband is out of line.
> 
> We drove to a party and my 2 year old fell asleep in the car. We decided to let my son sleep so we parked outside the house on a residential street. It was daylight. My husband stats pressuring me to give him oral sex and or take my shirt off. He takes his penis out his jeans.


He might be a person who gets aroused by doing it in public places, or in places where you might get caught. I once had a girlfriend like this. There is no correct answer here, it's not about being a "prude" or not. He likes it, you don't. Neither of you are in the wrong. Try to compromise somewhere in the middle so both of you are happy.



> _The thing is I found out he's been cheating on me with casual sex partners and he pRtly gave the reason that I'm not into sex._


This is another issue entirely. I think you should be more concerned about the cheating than about whether to have sex in the car.

If freaky sex in the car is really so important to him that his fidelity depends on it, then it's possible his priorities in life are very different from yours and you would both be happier going two separate ways.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

Having sex in a car is one thing but not with your kid in the backseat.

I believe the bigger issue is that he is cheating on you, not public sex.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

You aren't a prude, in my opinion. Every person has a right to say yes and no to what they are sexually comfortable with.

If your husband said - I really get turned on thinking about risky sex. Lets you and I come up with.something we can do that is somewhat risky - that would be one thing.

Just pulling his penis out at a time and place of his.own choosing with a sleeping child a few feet away is not the same thing. In fact it sounds humiliating - my response would have been the same.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You're not a prude for not wanting to give him a BJ in public or not taking your shirt off...in day light on a residential street. That was totally out of line! Now if it had been at night, on a stretch of road with no houses and light or not traffic, and you're excited by the naughtiness.. But what you described is too far out of line for me, and I get off on the risk of getting caught.

Your husband sounds like a selfish prick who hasn't yet discovered the difference between porn and eroticism. 

And why do you think you have to give in to his selfish, and careless demands?


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Thanks everyone. I told I wouldn't do that and he called me no fun. I reminded him that he voluntarily married me and he said he knows and it's unfortunate.

The thing is that I haven't changed since he met me. He knows what I'm like. If this is what he wanted, he could of have found someone more suited. I guess he is a classic cake eater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes, he is out of line. 1. He is cheating on you and 2. he wants to have sex in front of your child? WTF?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

looking for clarity said:


> Thanks everyone. I told I wouldn't do that and he called me no fun. I reminded him that he voluntarily married me and he said he knows and it's unfortunate.
> 
> The thing is that I haven't changed since he met me. He knows what I'm like. If this is what he wanted, he could of have found someone more suited. I guess he is a classic cake eater.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You really need to figure out why you're willing to accept this kind of treatment.

C


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Your husband is a high testosterone man, who has a hard time with self controlling his lusts... he wants a vixen wife who is up for anything, anywhere.. .I wish my husband would show that kinda lust, but that is not for this thread.. I'd be more the one wanting to whip it out in that sort of situation if I felt noone would see....and he's trying to stop me. 

I would think, with his cheating & incessant drive for ejaculation fulfillment....resorting to casual sex encounters to achieve ... one might wonder if he has a *sex addiction*....

Unless he decides to do something to put some controls on his behavior..... caring how you feel...not pressuring where you are uncomfortable & going out of his way to help rebuild the trust / (which was a marriage BETRAYAL)...

Those things must come 1st...where is he in this.. if you do not FEEL these things from his end... I don't think anything will change... 



> *Theseus said *: He might be a person who gets aroused by doing it in public places, or in places where you might get caught. I once had a girlfriend like this. *There is no correct answer here, it's not about being a "prude" or not. He likes it, you don't. Neither of you are in the wrong. Try to compromise somewhere in the middle so both of you are happy.*


:iagree:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> I refused. It's a residential street in daylight and my sons sleeping in the car. He tried this once before in a similar situAtion and asked to have sex and I refused. He got upset at me for saying no. * The thing is I found out he's been cheating on me with casual sex partners and he pRtly gave the reason that I'm not into sex.*


Why are you staying with a guy who blames you for his cheating? And you're worried about being a prude? WTF?

Sorry, but he sounds like a major loser to me. I wouldn't be lifting a finger for him until he takes full responsibility for cheating and admits he is completely at fault for choosing to cheat instead of honoring his wedding vows. And then the finger I would lift is the one in the middle as I was walking away.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

The things you mentioned, sitting in a parked car, in the daylight, on a residential street is too risky in my book. Throwing a towel/blanket over him and doing some hand work could be hot while not so obvious and easier to recover from if a homeowner decides to approach and ask if you need directions.... ; ) 

The cheating is obviously BS and you know that already so I'm not going to get preachy.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would think, with his cheating & incessant drive for ejaculation fulfillment....resorting to casual sex encounters to achieve ... one might wonder if he has a *sex addiction*....


Now for the bonus round question.... Was this request out of the blue or has he been known to ask such things in the past? Is he a person of reasonable morals and intelligence or someone we'd probably spot on Black Friday fight videos?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Thats the least of your problems. The cheating is the issue you ought to focus on. Sex in public and in front of kids in public is not for everybody. You are entitled to your personal standards. Him blaming you for his cheating is common but problematic.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I used to think his morals were excellent. He has never asked me for a threesome or public sex or anything. It's only since dd (I discovered swingers, Craigslist, back page ) that he is asking for this. I guess he thinks I'm ok with it since I'm staying although I told him I'm not and gave him conditions of my staying. I think I've lost my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I agree with you that he was out of line given the circumstances. But I also agree with him. You don't sound like much fun. Sorry.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> I am trying to figure out if I'm a prude or if my husband is out of line.
> 
> We drove to a party and my 2 year old fell asleep in the car. We decided to let my son sleep so we parked outside the house on a residential street. It was daylight. My husband stats pressuring me to give him oral sex and or take my shirt off. He takes his penis out his jeans.
> 
> ...


He is out of line on so many levels I can't count them


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Working on me, so you think it's ok to risk been arrested for this. Even more with my son in the car or if another child saw something it could become a sex offender offense. I'm up to certain things when it doesn't involve been arrested and risking my livelihood and my ability to keep my son out of foster care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> Working on me, so you think it's ok to risk been arrested for this. Even more with my son in the car or if another child saw something it could become a sex offender offense. I'm up to certain things when it doesn't involve been arrested and risking my livelihood and my ability to keep my son out of foster care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like I said, he was out of line in those circumstances. But you just give off a vibe that you wouldn't be up for anything outside the norm under any circumstances. Of course I don't know for sure, it's just the impression I'm getting from you. You just sound pretty buttoned up.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Her husband is a cheater, who wouldn't be stand offish in this case?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Holland said:


> Her husband is a cheater, who wouldn't be stand offish in this case?


I never excused his cheating. Bottom line she chose to stay.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Working on me, it's true that I'm pretty vanilla. I'm ok with it and have had lots of boyfriends. I don't like taking risks - it's a turn off for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I never excused his cheating. Bottom line she chose to stay.


Agreed.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Bottom line is he tt'd me. When I chose to stay I didn't know everything. He doesn't even know I know what I know about him. It's so much to process. I'm working on leaving him now but I'm staying for now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wait!!! So you haven't confronted him about his cheating? Seriously?

Girl, find your vagina and stand up for yourself!


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Wait!!! So you haven't confronted him about his cheating? Seriously?
> 
> Girl, find your vagina and stand up for yourself!


 I did confront him and he admitted to the evidence I had. I didn't believe him so I investigated and found texts, a secret email account. I haven't told him I found the email account yet. He's in therapy for it and so am I. I found out in June and have posted in Cwi. I wanted to stay but I didn't know everything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Okay now I'm even more confused.

You discovered he cheated, you confronted, he trickle truthed, you found more but haven't confronted about the new facts. And you need back up for not wanting to blow him on a residential street in broad daylight with your baby asleep in the back seat.

You do realize he's trying to make you feel like his affair is your fault for being a prude?

Once again, Girl find your vagina and stand up for yourself!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> I used to think his morals were excellent. He has never asked me for a threesome or public sex or anything. It's only since dd (I discovered swingers, Craigslist, back page ) that he is asking for this. *I guess he thinks I'm ok with it since I'm staying although I told him I'm not and gave him conditions of my staying. * I think I've lost my mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he violated your conditions, then why you are still staying?


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

It's scary to me to be a single mom. My son is almost 2 and a huge handful. He hardly ever sleeps through the night. His new thing is to try and run away when were in public. He thinks it's a game. I need help with him. Although honestly I'm often with him by myself.

My husband makes twice my income and I know I'll get child support but I know my standard of living will go down. I dread been single. There are lots of reasons to stay. I'm trying to decide if they are good enough reasons to stay with him. I'm in ic and posting on here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you're trying to decide if you're more comfortable with the devil you know than the devil you don't know? That is a tough one with a demanding two year old.

Self respect can sometimes take a beating when we allow fear to rule our choices. I think you're on the right path here. I'm sorry for being so callous a glib now that I understand better. 

I'm no divorce expert, but infidelity will ensure he gets taken to the cleaners in most states. Your standard of living will take a hit, but perhaps not as much as you fear. But your self respect will grow tremendously, and that is priceless!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Well....I will put my $....

1) Sex in broad daylight in a public street = indecent exposure and conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. Arrestable
- do it down a quiet street at 2am with no one around and a Police officer will either leave you alone or at most say 'move on'.

2) Sex infront of a (sleeping, but who might wake up at anytime) 2 yr old...can't remember but I am sure there will be an offence under the Child Protection Act. Arrestable.

3) Cheating - thats a private matter between you and your husband.

I think you have all your answers from many of us!


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

Try not make yourself think you have to stay in the marrriage becasue of fear of being a singl mom or losing out on a lifestlye with money. If you do you will regret not making yourself happy in the long run. Also if you feel this way your husband might know that and hang that over your head to treat you this way. If he cares about your son he should help you raise him and provide financailly even after divorce. My wife was a single mom and it can be a struggle but so can raising a kid in a unhappy environment. She also thought it would be hard to find someone having a kid and single. But if somone comes along and loves you for you that wont matter in the least. Best of luck.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I know. Anon pink said it well when she said I'm trying to chose the devil I know and the devil I don't know. Well I'm getting sick of the devil I know. Life can only get better from here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I wonder what charges would have been laid against you both had you been caught having sex in public in front of your small child... At the very least, one would imagine that your child would have been removed from your custody...

More than anything, though, I'm wondering why you're still married to a man who cheats on you?


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I didn't understand it at first. I'm starting to get more clarity. Simple answer I lost myself and was so focused on him and his happiness. I'm taking me back and I'm going to make me happy now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> I didn't understand it at first. I'm starting to get more clarity. Simple answer I lost myself and was so focused on him and his happiness. I'm taking me back and I'm going to make me happy now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hooray for the vagina! For she is delicate and sensitive yet resilient and strong!


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