# Read flags, Wife is lying and I'm long away at work



## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

*Red flags, Wife is lying and I'm long away at work*

One fine Saturday afternoon, I placed a call to my wife and in the course of the conversation asked her where she was. She claimed to have joined friends party and would be heading home to take care of the kids. This was at around 17:00 Hrs. Fast forward to 18:00 hrs and I call again and she claimed she was in a car driving home.I did not continue with the call because she claimed she was driving. I then made another call at 20hrs and asked her whether she got home, she answered yes and told me she was feeling a little drowsy and she wanted to host. I then asked her that she hands over the phone to our oldest son which she declined claiming that he was already asleep. I also noticed that the room she was in was exceptionally quite considering that she loves to watch TV. I suspected she was not home and called over our neighbour to verify that she was. She was not. I did not call again but I was so mad that I almost broke my phone in anger.

I can recall at least three other occasions where she has lied to me. The other day she claimed to have picked a complete stranger who had collapsed outside her employers premises and taken him to hospital. The other time she claimed that she went shopping at 19:00 hrs for our kids school stuff on the very eve of his resuming school (rather than do it over the weekend when she had more time). She is not honest with me.

I have never caught her red handed but she talks about her workmates as having very low ethical standards. There was a time that she disclosed that someone had tried to woo her but I dismissed this as a fantasy and did not dwell on it. There was also an occasion about one year ago when I noticed that she had received a call and then deleted the call record. I was really mad about it and confronted her. She claimed that the person calling her was a salesman who delivers products at her workplace.

Her latest acts have renewed my fears that she might be having an affair. I have contacted a PI and we are in the process of negotiating his fees. I'm a wreck of nerves and did not sleep yesterday. It is as if whole world is falling apart. There is such a bad feeling inside, like some evil forces came and tore my peace and heart apart. I have been calling her the usual 3 to 4 times per day as usual. She is not aware and thinks that everything is alright. I hate every time I tell her that I love her. I want this charade to end soon because I cannot bare it any more.

I'm 37 and she is 29. We have been married for 5 years and have two great boys that I really adore. I have been thinking everything is alright. I have a great job but I'm away from home most of the time because I get to go see my family every two months.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Get a voice activated recorder and velcro it under her car seat.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Thanks snap. I'm trying to source for one. How I wish this never had to happen!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Don't we all..

If you have access to her telecom account, check the numbers she dials/texts frequently.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

oh wow poor you! 

I hope she hasn't started an EA/PA YET although she sounds like she's into one. 
She's a serial liar and by this you cannot believe a word she says even when she's telling the truth. 
I hope you get your answers asap before anything major happens.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

snap: I do not have access to her phone records but the PI guy told me that they can get access. He even told me they can find out if she has a secret phone that she uses discreetly. The worst things about mistrust is that you start to doubt anything and everything. I'm so paranoid now, wondering how a fool I have been to believe and trust in her for all these years.

Lovelygirl: Thanks for your encouragement. I hope there is no EA/PA yet. But that is just hope, and I'm aware it might be just wishful thinking. I'm trying to get the PI on the case ASAP. It is a bit difficult because I need to pay him without using my bank account - and its far away from here. What a hell!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Hi Cat and mouse:

The fact that your wife is talking about he low moral character of other people might be a projection of her own thoughts. 

My husbands, OW did the same thing. She herself is of low moral character....numerous affairs, hanging out at strip clubs...etc.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

not much you can do but wait at this point and see if anything turns up, you don't want to spook her into laying low if she is cheating by confronting too early

what is your plan if she is cheating?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Play it cool as if nothing is wrong until PI can confirm or deny an affair.

Star planning your actions for each case now. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Thanks AlmostRecovered and Sara8 for sharing your thoughts.

I can see a pattern here. Back when she was in college, she used to tell me how bad some of her classmates were. She would go on and on regarding this until it spooked me up and then she stopped. I remember her repeating these stories the last time I was home. It's a pattern and really scary.

I do not want to spook her and that is why I have maintained contact. I call her at the usual times I usually call and she picks up my calls. She rarely fails to pick my calls because she knows it makes me mad. I'm trying to keep it together and sound cheerful but this is difficult. I dread every moment I have to call her.

I don't know what I will find out, but I suspect it wont be rose petals. I dread it will be a stink and major one at that. I will consider R but this will depend solely on her. I deeply love my family but I'm not going to suffer another hell in her hands. I have caught her lying and I have to find out why. I have to get to the bottom of this because I have been a coward in the past and never really made her work on her behaviour. 

This time round, she will have to explain without hiding anything. One more lie and she will be out of the door forever. I'm close to her brother and I will ask for his help in getting her to open up.

I really can't understand what stuff she's been smoking (not literally, she never does)! If she sat for just a few seconds she would realize what is at stake. She is in a stable marriage with a man who puts his family fast. I had to make a lot of sacrifices to build my family a nice house. I have bought her a car, she gets nice clothes, has her shopping covered by my credit card and I do not ask for a penny from her salary. What more does she need?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

do yourself a favor and be productive during this time by learning about infidelity, if she is cheating you dont want the confrontation to be fouled up and end up in either a rugsweeping R or unfortunate D where she gets the upper hand

start by reading the newbie thread and peek around the forum


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You're being too much of a nice guy. It's not a bad thing but it tends to backfire on guys. I'm not sure why but some woman tend to like/obey alpha guys.

Can you have a friend/family tail her today?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> She is in a stable marriage with a man who puts his family fast. I had to make a lot of sacrifices to build my family a nice house. I have bought her a car, she gets nice clothes, has her shopping covered by my credit card and I do not ask for a penny from her salary. What more does she need?


Wow!! What a PERFECT man you sound!!
She should thank God everyday. 

Why is she throwing away all that????
What an ungrateful woman!


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I do not want to think of myself as a perfect man. I know I have my own fault - drinking, and I'm working on it right now. Her lies last week made it even worse, and I went on drinking spree from Saturday evening till Sunday. 

I have a very understanding boss and colleagues and they came for me in my house when I didn't report to office on time. I have to avoid alcohol because it is a depressant and will only make things worse.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Then stop negotiating the PI price and hire him,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> The other day *she claimed to have picked a complete stranger*.... She is not honest with me.


She was honest about picking up a stranger, just not the circumstances.



catAndMouseChase said:


> I have never caught her red handed but she talks about her workmates as having very low ethical standards. There was a time that she disclosed that someone had tried to woo her but I dismissed this as a fantasy and did not dwell on it. There was also an occasion about one year ago when I noticed that she had received a call and then deleted the call record. I was really mad about it and confronted her. *She claimed that the person calling her was a salesman who delivers products* at her workplace.


That's probably true, also. And I have a good idea what the product is.



catAndMouseChase said:


> Her latest acts have renewed my fears that she might be having an affair. I have contacted a PI and we are in the process of negotiating his fees...She is not aware and thinks that everything is alright.


You're handling this correctly. Keep her in the dark.



catAndMouseChase said:


> I'm 37 and she is 29.


She's entering her peak sexual years. Typically, her testosterone will be at its max, and thus her sex drive as well, during these years. 



catAndMouseChase said:


> I have bought her a car, she gets nice clothes, has her shopping covered by my credit card and I do not ask for a penny from her salary. What more does she need?


Regular sex, apparently.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I'm just from making a call to the PI and he tells me that he can start on the case by tomorrow. I do not want to anticipate the results but I have told him to get the phone records and shadow her every move. I wish tomorrow comes and I find that she is not doing anything sinister. All the same, I have to schedule a long flight because we must have trust. Lying has to end now whether there is OM or not.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I do not want to think of myself as a perfect man. I know I have my own fault - drinking, and I'm working on it right now. Her lies last week made it even worse, and I went on drinking spree from Saturday evening till Sunday.


Does working on your drinking problem include help from a professional? If not, please find someone. It's not wise to blame your actions on anyone else. I guarantee that if your W is in an affair she will provide you a list of reasons why your actions made her cheat. Rest assured that you aren't responsible for her behavior, just as she is not responsible for yours. Take control and make sure you're prepared to face disovery with an appropriate outlet for your anger and hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

are you abusing/self medicating or are you an alcoholic?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I do not know whether it needs help. I do not experience cravings or withdrawal symptoms when I don't drink. I did try it yesterday but it felt tasteless and I really hated it. But I did not sleep and had to get out of bed and start reading this site. When I have insomnia, I avoid staying in bed because trying getting sleep get to sleep is very frustrating.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

then try stopping on your own for now, if it becomes apparent that you need help then seek it


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> She was honest about picking up a stranger, just not the circumstances.
> 
> I doubt every word she says. It was 18:45 in the evening and must have been dark outside. I do not believe she could have gone to help given that that particular area has is risky (criminals). She told me she took her to the first hospital that refused to admit her and had to take to the second one. She ended up at her usual comfortable time of 20:45. A mother of two young kids.
> 
> ...


Well, we will see if this is the case ... and where it will land her.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. You caught her in major lies so there is a pretty obvious reason. I would suggest that you get tested for STD's and think about seeing a lawyer to understand your options. I am sorry for what is happening to you.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I'm close to her brother and I will ask for his help in getting her to open up.


Be careful about letting her family know too much before you confront her. Blood IS thicker than water.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Where are you during these times that you don't know where she is?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Thorburn: I do not live with my family, I'm very far away working. I'm also pursuing a degree by distance learning and I'm mostly in the office like I am now (notice the time since the first post). While here, my life revolves around the office because that is where I study.

Mont Cristo: I have only informed one friend who went through a similar experience. I know if I let the cat out of the bag now I will mess up any chance of us coming into any agreement regarding lies.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Why do I have the feeling your in the military?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

crossbar said:


> Why do I have the feeling your in the military?


Use of military time. It's the 1st way to tell if they work in the military or law enforcement.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If money is still an issue, take it out of the bank in cash and open a secret account, and then tell the wife that you needed if for work and the company will reimpurse you later on, then drop it. Or just tell her you need some equipment or started a new hobby. I'm sure you can figure out a way to hide this from with some sort of excuse.

I also suggest you take some time off of work due to a family emergency, then you can do some of your own invesigation. and use this time to plan for the worst.

Go see your doctor and get some meds so you can sleep. In my case I was taking Advile PM to sleep. You need your strength so take care of your health. Start working out and get to the gym and lift wiegths it helps alot.

I also started a journel and in this journal I made a plan on how to confront my wife. It helped alot, since the confrontation is so emotional it was nise to have a script to work off of and stay focused.

it will take some time for the PI b/c he is working in the dark but he will get what you need to validate your dicision and give you the confidence you will need when you confront her.

This is a battle sir and now is not the time to be weak, your family is at stake and its times like this that you muster up the strength to fight. Do not let this beat you so stand up and fight.

You will get through this...we all do


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Now I have a deal with the PI. 

We have agreed with the PI and I have arranged how his payment will be made so that he can start tomorrow. We have agreed on an outline of what each one is to do:

a) Discreetly shadow the wife, use two chase cars if necessary. We can't afford to spook her.

b) I'm to maintain the same calling pattern but avoid calling during the suspicious times. I wil call early before she leaves office or later when I'm sure she is home. Any other call in between is to be aborted before she picks up which can be easily explained by poor phone connection between the two locations.

c) The PI will not in any way go to the premises where my wife works. He is to keep away from her and all of her colleagues. No contact at this stage. People might recognize him.

d) Since it is not possible to sneak in electronic surveillance, we are to use low tech for now. 

I welcome any more suggestions on how to go about this.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Use of military time. It's the 1st way to tell if they work in the military or law enforcement.


And what he wrote above. Like he was writing marching orders or an ORM game plan.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> Use of military time. It's the 1st way to tell if they work in the military or law enforcement.


Good thinking. You almost nailed it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

he's a spy!!


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> If money is still an issue, take it out of the bank in cash and open a secret account, and then tell the wife that you needed if for work and the company will reimpurse you later on, then drop it. Or just tell her you need some equipment or started a new hobby. I'm sure you can figure out a way to hide this from with some sort of excuse.
> 
> I also suggest you take some time off of work due to a family emergency, then you can do some of your own invesigation. and use this time to plan for the worst.
> 
> ...


There are a few things that still need finishing in our house. I can get her to release the cash to the contractor without raising any suspicion. We operate separate accounts and she does not have access to my main account.

I do not intend to do the bulk of my investigation myself. I really see the risk of going to jail and I do not want that now.

I saw a counselor yesterday, it really helped. I have not had the courage to see a doc regarding the STD tests. I do not think my mind is ready for another beating - if there is going to be one. I need to get really good sleep before I can have the nerves to do this.

I'm about to join the boys to watch a football game. It should keep my thoughts away from this for some time.

Yes... I remember, no beer!


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> he's a spy!!


She would have to have a lot guts to lying to a pro!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I really see the risk of going to jail and I do not want that now.



Really?

to be honest while some spy tech use is illegal in certain states. most prosecutors couldn't give a damn to prosecute and have bigger fish to fry


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She's in an affair, so throw logic out the window. You could be the worlds greatest detective and when there is an affair involved your WW has an addiction and nothing will stop her until you confront , expose and give her the consequences for her actions.

Soon you will have the evidence to have an effective confrontaion, are you preparing a plan and are you fimilar with the next steps after confrontation?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> d) Since it is not possible to sneak in electronic surveillance, we are to use low tech for now.


Is the car she uses under your name? 

If it is, you can give permission to PI to place a GPS on it. I don't know if the PI will be waiting 24/7 but if he is not this will come in handy.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Back from watching the game. It was a high and now I feel so low!

The car is under my name. I will what my friend there can do about this. After all, all I need to do is to instruct the mechanics to get the car from her for maintenance.

I do not see the sense of having the PI shadow her 24/7. The first reason against this is that she is either at her work, the rendezvous or at home. There is an absolute low risk now of her bringing in somebody to the house because I conveniently found a close relative who is boarding there. The other reason is that my house is in fairly secluded area and a person lurking there watching would be obvious to a keen observer.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Really?
> 
> to be honest while some spy tech use is illegal in certain states. most prosecutors couldn't give a damn to prosecute and have bigger fish to fry


Spy tech is OK for me. I meant that it is risky for me to put myself in a situation where I can face to face confrontation with the OM. I might snap.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

This one is confusing. Last evening, she was late again. The story is that the one school bus where our kid attends broke down and our kid was stranded at school. She claims the school called her to pick him up. The strangest of all things is that she arrived home at 20:00 hrs (according to my resident observer), having picked him up at 18:12 hrs.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I have the confirmation that the bus story is true. This is the problem of dealing with a person who is not trustworthy. Everything has to check out, but one does not - the drive from the school to our house is less that 15 min!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How old us the kid? Can he answer some questions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Just about 4 years. He can't tell.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My wife's phone is under Verizon and under my account. When I look at past bills online it shows where the location of where the call was made. In my case I can almost pin point where my wife was at during her A if she made or recieved a call. For instance she told me she was with the OM 5 times and had sex 4 times. By her phone record I know she had sex with him 6 times and was with him 7. The only problem I have now is that I have to wait for the current billing cycle to end before I can find out this informaiton online. I can't get it immediately to check on her. My son installed a GPS on her car and that is how we busted her. Had I know about the phone records online I could have done this earlier.

I could also get on her phone a GPS tracker but I would need the phone to activate it. At this time I do not need to do it.

So what kind of phone does your wife have? Whos name is it in? Do you know if the phone records show where the location of the calls are made?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I have the confirmation that the bus story is true. This is the problem of dealing with a person who is not trustworthy. Everything has to check out, but one does not - the drive from the school to our house is less that 15 min!


Yeah. Even when she tells the truth for once, you can't believe her!!

It must be terrible to check out and verify every single word that comes out of her mouth.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> he's a spy!!


 Or he's a traveler in the medical field, ie nurse, doc, PA, NP.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I have thought about that. Her phone is an android phone where I could easily install tracking software. The problem is that I'm away. She cannot give this phone to strangers. I do not want to use family members for fear of a leakage.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Cat- start perparing for the worst, you know there is something going on.

Throughout your posts you have implied issues have been present your entire marriage, claiming you never forced her to change her behavior. What behavior are you speaking about? And when you talk about her saying her college friends are bad... what does bad mean? 

You have a close relative at home, why are you seeking a close neighbor for verification on her presence at home? Can you not communicate with this person, for the reason it might set your wife off? How often are you home during the year and does this strange behavior from your wife occur then?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I have the confirmation that the bus story is true. This is the problem of dealing with a person who is not trustworthy. Everything has to check out, but one does not - the drive from the school to our house is less that 15 min!


She might have gone out for dinner or ice cream with the child...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Yes, she could and I do not mind it if it's harmless. However, my gut tells me not to trust this. Lets wait for what the PI uncovers today and tomorrow.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I cant believe my ears! This is sick. I called her a few minutes ago. She had told me sometimes last week that she is pregnant. For all days that I have been suspecting her, I have been very polite and asking how the pregnancy is going. Now she drops the bomb. She says 
Me: Looks like I have redialed your phone instead of calling another one (I'm using the standard office phone)
Her: That's because you love. You know you make me sick, others do not. I love you.
Me: I know you love me. What do you mean I make you sick?
Her: You know! We are expecting. I don';t know what I will be like in eight months.
At this point, I didn't know what to say, she added:
Her: Good will us.
Me. Good will help us too.

I really don't know what is happening here. All of you out there, is she doing this deliberately to hurt me. I want to be on the next flight out of here.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Red flags, Wife is lying and I'm long away at work*



Humble Pie said:


> Cat- start perparing for the worst, you know there is something going on.
> 
> Throughout your posts you have implied issues have been present your entire marriage, claiming you never forced her to change her behavior. What behavior are you speaking about? And when you talk about her saying her college friends are bad... what does bad mean?
> 
> You have a close relative at home, why are you seeking a close neighbor for verification on her presence at home? Can you not communicate with this person, for the reason it might set your wife off? How often are you home during the year and does this strange behavior from your wife occur then?


I have sat her down and told her that I hate it when she goes home late. However, I have not been forceful enough because this is still going on. I have tried to reason with her, to make her see the value of bonding with children now that I'm away.

I visit them every two months which works out to an average of five visits annually.

Now that I know for sure that she is seeing some other men. I need to dig deeper. This might end very badly.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wait, are you saying she's pregnant with the OM's baby?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Wait, are you saying she's pregnant with the OM's baby?


You can never be certain under these circumstances. However, I was there two weeks ago.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

catAndMouseChase said:


> You can never be certain under these circumstances. However, I was there two weeks ago.


Two weeks is almost too soon to know. If I recall the home preg tests don't even work until after the next period is missed. She might feel something is off, but if she is pregnant and passing tests be suspicious of any dates you are given by her. In other words watch out for her trying to move the supposed dates to fit your times.

Still, dates on these things are very hard to figure even when there is no cheating suspected. That's why DNA tests are so helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Two weeks! And she knows already? Give me a break.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Was she any different 2 weeks ago? 2 months ago?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Home pregnancy tests these days will pick up the pregnancy before you miss a period. Two weeks ago is possible.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yeah when wife and I were trying to get pregnant we found out pretty quickly as well


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

river rat said:


> Home pregnancy tests these days will pick up the pregnancy before you miss a period. Two weeks ago is possible.


Possible. But he said she told him last week that she was pregnant and he was home two weeks ago . That would make it 7 days or less when she made the announcement. I think I would check with a doctor about how quick the home tests can be reliable. Or maybe go buy the type of test she used and read the label.

Plus why would she even think about being checked for being pregnant that quick? A week or less after the deed was done - really?

RED FLAGS GOING UP THE POLE ONE AFTER ANOTHER!!

This is not confirmation of an affair, but it is a little hard to swallow. If she is in an ongoing affair - it may be over now since possible OM ran for the hills when he found out she is pregnant.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Red flags, Wife is lying and I'm long away at work*



lordmayhem said:


> Two weeks! And she knows already? Give me a break.


I should have been clearer here. I was there between April 7 and 23. She informed me about the pregnancy in the week of may 2 to 6.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> She is in a stable marriage with a man who puts his family fast. I had to make a lot of sacrifices to build my family a nice house. I have bought her a car, she gets nice clothes, has her shopping covered by my credit card and I do not ask for a penny from her salary. What more does she need?


This is sad. The OW in my husband's affair is also spoiled. She does not cook nor clean and has never worked in her 12 year marriage. Her husband treats her like a queen, yet she is a serial cheater. 

Meanwhile, I have always pulled my weight financially, always helped out with bills, watched our money, planned for our future. I clean the house and I actually enjoy cooking. My husband admits this.

I think cheaters cheat no matter how you treat them. They always find a way to blame the spouse,too, at least initially. My husband's tune is starting to change now that we are separated. Prior to that it was blame shifting. I was to blame for everything, and at first I believed that, too because myself esteem was so low.

It's always something you did to make them cheat. If they used sex as the reason, either the spouse has too high or too low desire. 

If they used the emotional aspects as the reason they cheated, it's always the spouse who is not attentive enough or affectionate enough, even thought things may be exactly reversed. 

My husband tried to tell the MC that wasn't affectionate and he felt unloved, but then in the following session he negated that and claimed I was affectionate. 

Sigh! I think cheaters are just nuts.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> c) The PI will not in any way go to the premises where my wife works. He is to keep away from her and all of her colleagues. No contact at this stage. People might recognize him.
> 
> I welcome any more suggestions on how to go about this.


Suggestion. Don't hire a PI that people will recognize.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

*Re: Red flags, Wife is lying and I'm long away at work*



catAndMouseChase said:


> I should have been clearer here. I was there between April 7 and 23. She informed me about the pregnancy in the week of may 2 to 6.


Those dates are possible.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Your wife is a serial cheater and you now know that she has another man, as per your posts and She told you that you make her sick.



catAndMouseChase said:


> You know you make me sick, others do not.





catAndMouseChase said:


> Now that I know for sure that she is seeing some other men. I need to dig deeper. This might end very badly.


Save the money that you're spending on the PI and use it for a good divorce attorney.

She's pregnant and you're not sure it's yours. I don't get why you're screwing her without contraception given how bad the relationship is. You think bringing a baby into this mess is a smart idea?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I cant believe my ears! This is sick. I called her a few minutes ago. She had told me sometimes last week that she is pregnant. For all days that I have been suspecting her, I have been very polite and asking how the pregnancy is going. Now she drops the bomb. She says
> Me: Looks like I have redialed your phone instead of calling another one (I'm using the standard office phone)
> Her: That's because you love. You know you make me sick, others do not. I love you.
> Me: I know you love me. What do you mean I make you sick?
> ...


Morning sickness.

My wife would turn to me after a session of morning sickness and say "You did this to me".


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Maybe I missed something.

Cat, have you confirmed OM or still just a suspicion?

I really hope all the missing time is just innocent trips.

If the PI cannot uncover proof, you will have to wait for a DNA match to the child.

I would not run back home now. Give the PI time to work.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I'm just a mess of nerves. I cannot work in this state. I have to take a break. I do not have to go to my own home. I'm looking for a good excuse to tell her why I'm away from office.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

did you PI confirm any activity with you wife and another man?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Fortunately, she went straight home yesterday. I would like to make matters easier for the PI. I will be travelling back there tomorrow. I do not have to necessarily tell her. However, if she is seeing someone, I would like to provoke her into going to see him. I was thinking of telling her that I'm going for a short holiday. Is this a good idea. 

Please contribute.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Oh yeah! Perfect idea.
Make her territory easier to work on. I'm sure she'll feel relieved once you tell her you'll be away. She'll have no pressure.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Just from seeing a doc. I've done a complete STI test. Results will be out in about 4 hours. Hope for me nothing bad comes out.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> Fortunately, she went straight home yesterday. I would like to make matters easier for the PI. I will be travelling back there tomorrow. I do not have to necessarily tell her. However, if she is seeing someone, I would like to provoke her into going to see him. I was thinking of telling her that I'm going for a short holiday. Is this a good idea.
> 
> Please contribute.


It is a good idea. 

My husband's OW would contact him more often when spouse was away, and even after my husband claimed to have cut off contact, she three months later contacted him again twice and ran into him accidentally on purpose. 

I checked by calling her husband's office and the secretary immediately stated he was away for a week on business. 

Still, If you have let your wife know you suspect her cheating, she may be laying low at this point. 
So, the PI may come up empty handed at the moment. 

I was told by a PI that after an affair is outed, he would need to tail the cheater for a year to ensure they were not cheating with the same person or someone new. 

That could get expensive.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

She is totally unaware of what I'm doing. When I told her I will be going away for a long weekend, she sounded disappointed that I chose to go away alone. She sounded sad. I reassured her I will not be spending a lot of money so that we can go on one together when I return. She then called me five minutes after I had hanged up and told me she is OK with the holiday and wished me a safe journey. The sadness was gone and she sounded happy. She told me to buy her a nice gift.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Cat- I know you are feeling bad. I suspect that your wife is having an A. What is your end game? Do you want to stay married? 

Tell your wife that you are under stress, that being away from her for long periods of time is taking it's toll on you. Tell her you went to see a doctor and that is what he told you. That can be your excuse whenever you are away from the office and can't work. 

The problem with you coming home is that if she is having an A the timeing could be off. You could come home to catch her and she could come home every day on time because they (if she is in an A) could not hook up for what ever reason and you will still have nothing. I would let the PI do his work.

I still do not get why you are apart for so long.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I'm not looking for D though this will depend on what kind of A she is having.

On a positive note, the medical results show no STI.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> She then called me five minutes after I had hanged up and told me she is OK with the holiday and wished me a safe journey. The sadness was gone and she sounded happy. She told me to buy her a nice gift.


Yeah, after she tought of having plans with the OM.

Her reaction is totally strange though. Why after 5 minutes??
Why not in the first call?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Any updates from the PI?

Can you check the phone records if she called someone else?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think the first reaction was a knee jerk one from her - just basically upset that she wasn't being included.

The second reaction was "hey, this can work for me!"


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

The PI told me that she went home straight today. I will have someone install VAR on the car tomorrow morning.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Leaving office in a few minutes. I got a week off to cool down(Remember I talked to our staff counselor on Monday) . I will be going there tomorrow. The PI declined to give me info now. Probably thinks I'm drinking and can't handle it. I know for sure that my wife is having an A. I would like to drive her to the arms of the OM. I need advice on how to provoke her.


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Tell her you need some "space" to "find yourself."


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do not do this, it will back fire and as you stated, you do not want a D. This thinking will come to bit you in the @ss when you try to R.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So now your WW has just found a way to justiy her actions.....nice


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

catAndMouseChase said:


> Leaving office in a few minutes. I got a week off to cool down(Remember I talked to our staff counselor on Monday) . I will be going there tomorrow. The PI declined to give me info now. Probably thinks I'm drinking and can't handle it. I know for sure that my wife is having an A. I would like to drive her to the arms of the OM. I need advice on how to provoke her.


WTF??!! Aren't you paying him? Why the hell wouldn't he tell you want he observed? I don't understand this.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I know it wont be long before I burst her. If I know she is in a hotel room, what do I do? Thinking of options off my head:

1) Have the PI take care of everything?
2) Invite one of her relatives - her untie (they're very close), or her brother (we're close) AND my father (calm and collected) or my mother (she would raise hell!).

Can you think of more options? I will be offline for the next 20 hrs and I would like your ideas. I don't want to rush.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

DailyGrind said:


> WTF??!! Aren't you paying him? Why the hell wouldn't he tell you want he observed? I don't understand this.


Yes, I'm paying him. I respect him. It is his way of work. I can wait for the next six hours. It is no big deal especially if i can have a good night sleep.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Options 1&2, I'd go with the brother


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> So now your WW has just found a way to justiy her actions.....nice


Have you heard of giving some a longer lope to hang? They gave it to Sadddam and see what happened?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Oooppss, misread it.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> So now your WW has just found a way to justiy her actions.....nice



How the hell can she explain her action about what I choose to do with my long weekends. She is always suspicious and always checks texts and calls into my phone. It was just last year that she caused me a major embarrassment, she called a colleague in our my office. I had to apologize to her and my boss on this digression.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are try to use logic here, and when it come to cheating wifes you can throw all logic out the damb window.

They will say and do anything to make them selves sleep at night. They will screw around behind there husbands back with a smile on there face b/c they will find a way to justify it.

Or do you think she is in her *right* mind and will have such guilt that her betrayal continues b/c she feels so bad???????

Or maybe she diserve to have an extra lover, maybe she doesn't have to justify a damb thing b/c she's entitled?

Do see my point?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It appaers you have made your choice.
It sounds like you will at least find out who the OM is and thats a start. From there you can start to expose the A. And thats a good thing.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Someone asked about why I have to stay here. I know the need and I have convinced my boss about the need to move me to a station where I can have my family(He is a mice man, look at my previous post about how he has supported me, he even got stressed by the situation and told me to go sort it out ). However, this has to work up the hierarchy of the system. I cannot decide when. 

If things work out, I hope to be deployed to another station.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Where are the kids if she is having an affair?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> You are try to use logic here, and when it come to cheating wifes you can throw all logic out the damb window.
> 
> They will say and do anything to make them selves sleep at night. They will screw around behind there husbands back with a smile on there face b/c they will find a way to justify it.
> 
> ...


If you saw my post yesterday about her telling me about my making her "sick", you will see what I said. Some posts later today shows how she accuses me of cheating with a colleague. A person who protects my life. Which I expect of everyone in our team!


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> Where are the kids if she is having an affair?


I frankly don't know. If you read comments earlier, you'd have lean't that sometimes she goes out with them. But she lys most of the time when I ask her where she is


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

catAndMouseChase said:


> I frankly don't know. If you read comments earlier, you'd have lean't that sometimes she goes out with them. But she lys most of the time when I ask her where she is


I did but what kind of a mother would bring two of her kids with her to screw another man.... that's how a cheater mind works I guess.

Are you drinking now?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You caught me I was just breezing throw your thread and I notice your guestion with regard to provoking your wife. My 2nd post is when I went back and reread your thread.

I think the PI will get the answers you need and you will beable to take the next step with accurate and truthful information. A confirmation in your future dicisions.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> I did but what kind of a mother would bring two of her kids with her to screw another man.... that's how a cheater mind works I guess.
> 
> Are you drinking now?


I really don't know that. I'm have just called our 'dispatch' to get me home. I would like to hear more opinion.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

IF she's a hotel send her auntie over to get her.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> You are try to use logic here, and when it come to cheating wifes you can throw all logic out the damb window.
> 
> They will say and do anything to make them selves sleep at night. They will screw around behind there husbands back with a smile on there face b/c they will find a way to justify it.
> 
> ...


Did you read about my call with her yesterday? When she claimed that I make her "sick:?


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> Where are the kids if she is having an affair?


The kids are always home. I know they're sometimes neglected. I cry for them every day. I have tears in my eyes right (nobody can see me sobbing). I love them.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

catAndMouseChase said:


> The kids are always home. I know they're sometimes neglected. I cry for them every day. I have tears in my eyes right (nobody can see me sobbing). I love them.


How old are they?

Babysitter involved? 

Taking the weekend and allow the PI to do his job is a good call.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> I did but what kind of a mother would bring two of her kids with her to screw another man.... that's how a cheater mind works I guess.
> 
> Are you drinking now?


Yes, I'm drinking. I will not lye to you. So long as I get home, and someone picks me for the airport. I would rather have your company rather than have friends here who always say:

"what you doesn't know does not hurt you"

Total bull****!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lay off the booze friend. If you need something to keep you calm then go to the doctor and get some anxiety meds. Drinking slows your mind and you need to stay sharp so you can stay one step ahead of your WW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> You caught me I was just breezing throw your thread and I notice your guestion with regard to provoking your wife. My 2nd post is when I went back and reread your thread.
> 
> I think the PI will get the answers you need and you will beable to take the next step with accurate and truthful information. A confirmation in your future dicisions.


Agreed. But I will make the decisions.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

With the information that is soon to come through the PI and VAR you will be able to make those decisions with confidence.

Alot of guys just make accusations and get screwed over, while you may friend are doing the painful work before you confront and that is worth alot. 

Will you bail when you get the proof of an affair or will you try R? The finding can be a deal breaker.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Lay off the booze friend. If you need something to keep you calm then go to the doctor and get some anxiety meds. Drinking slows your mind and you need to stay sharp so you can stay one step ahead of your WW.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with my friend. If you look from my threads earlier, I promised not drink. Somehow I did start (I'm allowed to have a drink in my fridge) . My doc didn't subscribe those meds, somehow she thought that since I didn't have any STI, my mind is OK.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

catAndMouseChase said:


> Agreed. But I will make the decisions.


Then you need to drop the booze immediately so you're on the ball and can make good decisions!


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> How old are they?
> 
> Babysitter involved?
> 
> Taking the weekend and allow the PI to do his job is a good call.


They have one. I always make her decide what kind of a babysitter she wants. However, this one is on full time employment. I pay her the best salary she can every get and even subsidize her kids school fees. I hope you don't look this badly. She is the one who stays with the two year old. She is about forty five years of age. I think she is the best they can get


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Then you need to drop the booze immediately so you're on the ball and can make good decisions!


On the ball. They're coming to pick me now. I don't need any more. I will go sleep for a few hours. And then I will be at the airport.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Then you need to drop the booze immediately so you're on the ball and can make good decisions!


Agreed


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

I'm sorry I'm so wasted now that they had to come for me. It is the nature of things. I will pick the first aircraft out of here. I might update you tomorow or not not. But going there I will.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get some rest and let us know how you are doing.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

When will the PI inform you with the latest?

+1 on stopping drinking and having a good rest.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Get some rest and let us know how you are doing.


Thanks here. I doubt what rests that I will have. I'm still waiting to go and confirm what I have now. I will have just a few minutes in the airport.


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## catAndMouseChase (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> When will the PI inform you with the latest?
> 
> +1 on stopping drinking and having a good rest.


-ve, going to sleep. I don't want to lie. However , I leave my office now (its 00:35 here). How can someone take me for this cheap (look for what I do in office earlier in the thread).
Anyway, I will talk with you all guys in may 20 hrs


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