# My husband hangs out in Vegas strip till next morning with his buddy



## viva_vegas (Jun 20, 2013)

Hi,
Please, I need help!
I would like to hear other women's opinion on this.

We recently moved to Vegas due to my husband's work.
And his best friend in CA has an office in Vegas so he comes to town a couple of times a month. So they started hanging out on the strip and go to clubs often (average 2x a month) till very late, usually till next morning
and his friend even has a condo right on the strip so they just go upstairs and sleep there.

My husband has been faithful to me for almost 20 years while we have been together, BUT he is super flirtatious (he admits) and that caused a lot of issues in our marriage in the past. 


So of course, though I trust him, I still do NOT feel comfortable at all him hanging out with his buddy (whose wife does not seem to care about what he does) all night on the strip. He says they go to night clubs where a lot of young people are dancing. 

When I said to him I have a problem with this, he said to me "so long as I don't have sex with other women, I should be able to do anything I want." and he said if I try to stop that, he will divorce me. 

What I want to know is,
Is he being reasonable about "so long as I don't have sex with other women, I should be able to do what I want" or am I being unreasonable having issue with this.

Because he is one of those guys who are super flirtatious with women, I can't even sleep when he is out partying with his buddy on the strip, not to mention they have a room too.
He says he will never ever cheat me but many men (or women) don't plan things like that sometimes it just happens (carried away sort of), especially in Sin City where many men & women are looking for one-night stand fun.

He thinks I am so unreasonable that he says he cannot stay in this marriage if he can't do this.
I am ok with if this, if this happens a couple of times a year as some big event.

I understand "either you trust or not" thing ; however, does this sound normal for married man to do to his wife?

I would appreciate any comment on this from other married women.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Odd that you are specifically asking the women, when it is we men that know the attraction a guy would have of a club on the Vegas Strip. 

What does he tell you he is doing until 3AM? He and his buddy dance with each other while all of these young things dance around him?

There is still a tiny chance that women going to clubs really do dance in an all-girl bubble. Guys go to clubs to meet women. OK. He doesn't sleep with them. But does he admit to partying with strange women all night? Because that's what he's doing.

I will give you the same advice I would give to a guy in your situation. SPY. A friend with cell phone video. A PI would be better. You'll have your answer in about an hour.

Better yet. Get a friend he doesn't know to hit on him. See where it goes. See if she can get a drunken kiss on the dance floor.

Just IMAGINE all of the women he's partied with and you don't know ANY of them. He does. He remembers them well. Remembers their names. He and his buddy talk about some of the hotter, funner ones.

Good luck. You need it.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

" When I said to him I have a problem with this, he said to me "so long as I don't have sex with other women, I should be able to do anything I want." and he said if I try to stop that, he will divorce me. "

This tells you he could careless about you and your feelings. He want to act single and you to shut your mouth. He's married he either sticks to the marriage or dump his sorry butt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

The man who promised to love and cherish you for the rest of your life is doing something you find hurtful. You've told him it's hurtful to you. He's told you he's not going to stop. 

I guess the only real question here is whether or not you want to be married to a man who knowingly continues to engage in behavior that hurts you. 

Do you?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

viva_vegas said:


> Hi,
> Please, I need help!
> I would like to hear other women's opinion on this.
> 
> ...


A person can play with fire only so much before the eventually get burned.

Therefore, don't put your hand in the fire.

What you have here is a ticking timebomb. If it hasn't already gone off, it will. I think he needs to choose between you or his new lifestyle.

Aside from that, how would he like it if you hit the clubs and became super flirtatious with other men?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Go out one night and stay gone till next morning. See what he says.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

viva_vegas said:


> When I said to him *I have a problem with this*, he said to me "so long as I don't have sex with other women, I should be able to do anything I want." *and* he said if I try to stop that, *he will divorce me. *



It is nice the solution is in your first post itself, and that it came out of his own mouth.

He has the power in your relation, and he is blackmailing you with this.

Will it not be for this, it will be for something else, he will leave you in the future. When you stop being his doormat and his enabler, that is.

(sorry I am not a women, but the beauty of simplicity urged me to point on this)


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

He'll divorce you if you attempt to set boundaries in your relationship regarding other women? If I heard that from my husband I'd beat him to the punch and divorce him myself.


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

Your husband doesn't respect you or your marriage.

Call him on his bluff. File.

If he cares you'll know and you can stop. If he doesn't, you drew first blood.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Ask him if you can go with him to party and watch him squirm. Does he tell you where he goes and what he does? He's full of it and taking advantage of you. I hope there are no kids involved.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

IMO, this isn't about trust. Your H is a married man and he's hanging around strip clubs until the early hours of the morning. How are you supposed to feel OK with that? :scratchhead: Personally, I know very few women who would tolerate this, including me.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> ...he's hanging around strip clubs until the early hours of the morning.


He's not hanging around strip clubs, he's hanging around clubs on the (Vegas) strip. That's worse. At a strip club, the women are there to take his money. At clubs on the strip, they are there to take him.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

his cavalier, carefree, flirting behavior is disgusting. he wants his cake and eat it too. he wants the comforts of a marriage but the looseness of a single man. he's totally disrespectful to you, and he's the one threatening divorce if you don't like his lifestyle? How sad that his buddy and the clubs are more important than your 20 year marriage. I think he's telling you, by undermining you and threatening you with divorce, that he's ready for one.

It's not like you're telling him you don't want him to go golfing twice a month or fishing or bowling or playing baseball. you're telling him that going out like a single man til all hours of the night to these clubs and crashing at his friends bachelor pad is not cool with you. you are right here. he's throwing it all away. he's thinks that anything short of sex is not cheating? he is so wrong here. i am so sorry it has come down to this. i'm sure you never dreamed at this stage in your life you'd be facing this, but you you deserve more than a philandering husband. I think you really should file those divorce papers. And one day, maybe years from now, when he's looking older, when his flirting won't have the same effect on the ladies, and his charms will creep out the younger ladies, and his married bachelor friend doesn't come to town as much anymore, or he gets tired of the clubbing life, he will be alone and wish he had a good woman to come home to. 

What a jerk for throwing it all away but you deserve more respect than the nothing he is dishing out.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

MrK said:


> He's not hanging around strip clubs, he's hanging around clubs on the (Vegas) strip. That's worse. *At a strip club, the women are there to take his money.* At clubs on the strip, they are there to take him.


It's Vegas. If he pays, they will play.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

viva_vegas said:


> When I said to him I have a problem with this, he said to me *"so long as I don't have sex with other women, I should be able to do anything I want." *and he said if I try to stop that, he will divorce me.


You see that? That right there? That's your sign.

Bad news. NO ONE who truly loves and respects you would force that type of ultimatum on you.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

How would he feel if it were YOU going out? Typically, when a situation arises that makes one of us feel uncomfortable, the offending party puts themselves in those shoes and considers how they would TRULY feel.

Normally, we realize that the request from our partner is more than reasonable, apologize and move on.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This is completely unacceptable for all of the reasons that everyone here has mentioned.

He wants his cake and eat it, too. This however, is not OK in a marriage for many reasons, all of which boil down to the basic point that he should be respecting you, not hurting you.

He's calling your bluff instead of respecting you. I wouldn't let him bluff me. I would tell him, OK, let's get divorced.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

So going clubbing matters more than his marriage? Wow!


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## Loving hubby (May 31, 2013)

My wife and I very rarely go out without the other, and if we do, it's always with family or longtime family friends. Can you go with them? That is always open in our marriage. Also, would it be OK with you if they went out a lot less often? I guess I am asking these questions because I just can't relate, I can't imagine going out that often without my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## viva_vegas (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you everyone for your input 
Greatly appreciated.

He keeps telling me I am so unreasonable and immature.
So I needed to know what other wives would say about this.

He swears that he would never ever cheat me and keeps saying "either you trust me or not and if you can't trust me, leave me" and keep going out and flirting with other women (bartenders, other customers, etc). My girlfriends often ask me at the party, "how do you stand?" because they see how he is with other women. I am totally ok with him just talking to other women. But he goes to the next level. Exchanging facebook with a bartender, etc. When he hugged one of his fave bartenders ( who served him only a couple of times) and told her to keep in touch on facebook, and this happened right in front of me, I almost had a heart attack

I keep telling him this is not a trust issue but it makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes it hearts me but he says that's my problem  He also says I am too jealous....and I am NOT any more, thanks to his training.

I wish I could go out to clubs and do the same thing to him but I am one of those people who would rather stay home, read books and drink tea.... I don't drink alcohol but do like going out at night sometimes, order soda and sit next to him but I am usually not invited as none of his friends bring their wives or girlfriends....

And when we do go out together, he usually leaves me alone at the counter while he is flirting with bartenders or other women around him. There are couple of times I wanted to smash his head with glass bottle and leave there but I didn't. I wish I did.

Obviously, I will have to make a decision here because I really do not want to feel this way any more.

>>>Loving Hubby

Yes, if it's every once in a while, like someone's birthday bash or something, I am ok.
Or if it's just dinner and some drink after on the strip once in a while, I am just fine.
But not every other week.... or not even every month...
coming home the next morning.
Staying overnight at his buddy's place bothers me too.
And being in "Sin City" does not help either.... We used to be in a very conservative city before so there were no bars or clubs 
open all night.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

It is a bit strange you don't react to the posters, why not?

They basically tell you to leave him!

At least call his bluff, like Alte Dame says.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

viva_vegas said:


> And when we do go out together, he usually leaves me alone at the counter while he is flirting with bartenders or other women around him. There are couple of times I wanted to smash his head with glass bottle and leave there but I didn't. I wish I did..


I really don't mean to be harsh, but this is really very disrespectful of him and has no part in a healthy marriage. If you accept this, then it is ultimately your responsibility. You do not have to accept this. Nobody is forcing you to do it.

He wants you at home as his wife and he wants to live a single life with his friend. Staying out all night and overnighting with his friend, while you are at home in the same town? No way.

I wouldn't give him an ultimatum. I would just take him up on his 'offer.' I would tell him that you don't trust him, that he is hurting you and you can't/won't live like that. If you tell him this, you have to mean it.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why on earth does he think you should trust him, even in front of he's flirting. imagine when you are not there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

viva_vegas said:


> He keeps telling me I am so unreasonable and immature.


This kind of emotional abuse is worse than the behavior itself. Blame the victim attack. How unreasonable and immature for you to expect a husband to act like one. 

Ultimatum time, and you need to mean it.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Maybe his definition of sex is different. 

Does he have sex with you in only one position. For example the missionary.

So if he does anything else with anyone else maybe he does not consider it sex. His way of rationalizing himself.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

viva_vegas said:


> And when we do go out together, he usually leaves me alone at the counter while he is flirting with bartenders or other women around him.


And that is when you're THERE.


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