# Drunk wife says she wants divorce



## charlieg

Last year she was going to move out but didn't. We haven't really worked on marriage. I try not to do the things that she has issues with. But when I do it triggers past actions and makes her hate me. 
So the night she told me I said I would take the kids from northern NY to Florida and Louisana to visit family and friends. I moved there for her to be close to family and friends for first time in 20 years of marriage.
We and that I would bring them back in time for school. Not caring about my job or finances. I need to move family into house we just bought anyway. She says sometimes she can't stand me and hates me for things in the past. But she will tell friends that she doesn't understand why couples can't work out there problems and that her and her friends are lucky.

I am really confused and I think this has made me sick. I have muscle cramps, swollen lymph nodes, and fever. 
I just don't know what to do. We normally talk and walk everyday. But I'm trying the 180 and not calling her but waiting for her to call kids and then not saying much to her.

Lost and 1300 miles from my best friend. She also says I'm hers?
Confused. By the way married for 20 years wit 14 and 10 year old boys.


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## Mavash.

1,300 miles away? Is she still living with you?


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## richie33

Sober husband should grant her wish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

richie33 said:


> Sober husband should grant her wish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## anchorwatch

I don't understand. Where are you and where is she? Who are the kids with now? Where is the new home? 

You say you're just drifting, not working on the marriage. Don't you think you ought to try before it all comes to and end? Take a shot at leading your family our of this limbo.

Here are some easy reads you may be able to formulate a plan from. 

No More Mr Nice Guy

Home | The 5 Love Languages®


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## cdbaker

Yeah the original post is confusing and rittled with with punctuation errors, very tough to understand.

I don't understand the "Sober husband should grant her wish" posts either. Huh?

What are YOU working on while you are apart? Not just sitting around waiting for your wife to want you back I hope.


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## richie33

What's so hard to understand? Huh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlieg

I took kids to visit friends and family in Florida and Louisiana. This was done because I said I would that night. We were both drunk after an incredible night with friends. We came home and the kids hadn't left dog out so it went in living room. I screamed and made them clean it up. I used to scream a lot and this triggered the " I want a divorce"
The next day she thought it would be a good idea for us for me to spend some time apart from her. We close on a house on the 27th in ny.
Sorry a little rattled and really sick.


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## cdbaker

So how long have you been in Florida/Louisiana? How long will you be apart? What is she doing while you are apart, and what are you doing as well? I don't think time apart with no "homework," goals or efforts being made is a good idea at all. Otherwise, assuming the great relief she feels doesn't lead her to wanting to go through with the D or pursue another man, if she isn't already, you'll both just go back to the same behaviors. Real change won't come about by just spending time apart.


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## anchorwatch

I agree with CDB. You're just chasing your tail if you don't make some clear changes to yourself. Stop the drinking, fighting, angry outburst and commit to making the changes to yourself that will make your marriage last. 

You dodged a bullet (EA with OM) the last time you were here. How many chances do you think you'll get? 

You say you really haven't done anything to work on the marriage. How hard is it to read a book or two? Do the reads and help get you and your family of this runaway train, before is wrecks. 

Love Busters


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## charlieg

I've done work and she sees it. The problem arises when she remembers something from the past.


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## EleGirl

charlieg said:


> I've done work and she sees it. The problem arises when she remembers something from the past.


Our anger and screaming gets her upset, rightly so. 

So don't do that anymore.

How old are your children?


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## charlieg

10 and 14. When she tells me she needs space, I can now see I have been glue to her since last years incident.


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## anchorwatch

Your screaming at the kids brought it all back. Didn't it? That's what triggers her. She's living the past all over again when you behave like you used to. 

Look kids are going to eff up. That's why their kids, not adults. You eff up and your an adult. You can't go off like that. You know it. And it's normal to have other stresses in your lives. You've got to learn how to handle them calmly. Take an anger management class if you're having a hard time doing it on your own. There cheap and easy to find.


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## anchorwatch

charlieg said:


> I've done work and she sees it. The problem arises when she remembers something from the past.


Give us a quick outline of what have you done?


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## Memento

What incidents from the past does she bring up?

I grew up with a alcohol addicted parent. I was bad enough it was one. I can't imagine having 2. That is not the kind of example you and your wife should be giving to your children.

No wonder dysfunctionality perpetuates itself, in so many families. How can we expect children to grow up to be functional adults when they learned the opposite at home!?


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## charlieg

For the first time in 20 years she works outside the house. I get home first and cook dinner so when she walks in the house it's ready for the family to eat.n I do the laundry and most of the house cleaning. I do not put her down or nitpick, these two are extremely hard for me because she can read things into my comments that are not intended.


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## charlieg

By the way we don't drink hardly ever. Her friend she rarely sees rented a camp on the river and her beer connoisseur boyfriend kept giving us these really strong beers.


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## Memento

Still, not a good example. If you want to engage in that kind of behavior, fine. But do it alone. 

What events from the past does she bring up? Why does she bring it up when you argue?


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## anchorwatch

Good helping out (acts of service)! 

Keep down the angry outburst. It destroys her love each time you have one. 

How about compliments(words of affirmation)? Do you two give each other compliments ?

Do you spend time alone with her, doing things? 

Do you engage in conversations with her? Listen to how her day went? 

When was the last time you gave her flowers or just romanced her?

These will help more than yelling at the kids. They might also help everyone be less stressed too.


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## charlieg

Anchorwatch, she told me she needed some space. I was going over the top on compliments. I never gave them when she was overweight. I never said she was fat either and always wanted sex with her. She had a really bad self image until the move up north and the weight loss.


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## anchorwatch

Well then, she's looking for a husband that can step up and lead. Someone who is confident in himself and not clingy. Someone who recognizes his faults and works to improve then. Someone the family can find trust to love, protect and provide for them, so they can flourish. Someone who gains respect by doing. Someone who leads by example. Do you think that would be someone that would turn her on?

You've been here long enough, you know the self improvement reads. There all laid here and in the men's section sticky. Avail yourself of them. You know a mantra among the members here is; "You can only change you. You can't change someone else. But you may change how they view you, through the changes you make to your behaviors."


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## charlieg

She wants us to come home now. She misses us and wants to work on marriage. She feels bad and says it her fault. Could this be premenopausal or just menopause. She is 43.


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