# If you recieved the I love you, but I'm not in love with you, then read this.



## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

I see so many new TAM members that received the I love you, but I'm not in love with you that I wanted to give my advice. First off, I received this a year ago from my ex wife and waited way to long to act. DON'T make the same mistake. 

The first thing to do is slap yourself when you say your spouse isn't, or would never have an affair. You also didn't think they would leave you right? 

Step two. Go get a voice activated recorder and place it under the seat of their car. You need to do this ASAP. If they still live at home, your at an advantage. If not, you might have to hire a PI. (make sure it's legal where you live) 

Step three. Stop trying to fix the marriage. You don't even know what needs fixing yet and your screwing things up worse. Find out the facts first. Unfortunately statistics show that your going to find an affair. At that time the only way to save the marriage is to expose it. 

Follow these steps and ask questions on here before doing more. There are plenty of experts on here that know so much more then me, however I wanted to put this up for newbies in hopes that the experts will chime in and add some valuable info to help eliminate so many of the bad mistakes made in the first few weeks.

Last, remember that no matter what the outcome is God has a plan for you and you WILL be ok. I am divorced now and I'm still surviving. I continue to heal every day and know that God has a plan for me. The key is patience and waiting for things to happen naturally without pushing.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

JD,

She really is clueless.

And, you cannot fix stupid.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Conrad said:


> JD,
> 
> She really is clueless.
> 
> And, you cannot fix stupid.



I wouldn't want to if I could I just joined my local country club now that the divorce is final and plan on spending the summer playing golf and sitting around the pool with my girls. I have learned a lot from this experience and will use the new found knowledge to help with a new and brighter future!

I'm just thankful that it ended like it did. I gave her a very fair deal and didn't have to lose my business through this divorce. That was all that really mattered in the end.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jdlash said:


> I wouldn't want to if I could I just joined my local country club now that the divorce is final and plan on spending the summer playing golf and sitting around the pool with my girls. I have learned a lot from this experience and will use the new found knowledge to help with a new and brighter future!
> 
> I'm just thankful that it ended like it did. I gave her a very fair deal and didn't have to lose my business through this divorce. That was all that really mattered in the end.


I wish she had been honest when she married you.

And, I am REALLY hoping you cut her off insurance.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Thanks for the post jdlash. My H left me around 6 weeks ago now and said the whole I love you but I'm not in love with you.

I'm still trying to detach myself from my H, I keep telling myself to move on and focus on me but every day I keep thinking about him and if I should talk to him. I know it's not a good idea though so I'm trying really hard to not think about him. 

Your post has been helpful, hopefully I will see what good things God has planned for me soon!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Juicy said:


> Thanks for the post jdlash. My H left me around 6 weeks ago now and said the whole I love you but I'm not in love with you.
> 
> I'm still trying to detach myself from my H, I keep telling myself to move on and focus on me but every day I keep thinking about him and if I should talk to him. I know it's not a good idea though so I'm trying really hard to not think about him.
> 
> Your post has been helpful, hopefully I will see what good things God has planned for me soon!


Does he have someone else Juicy?


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Does he have someone else Juicy?


Well Conrad when me and my H started having problems and becoming distant I found text messages on his phone to a female co worker. It was all very cosy and flirty, after I confronted him about them he said nothing was going on between them and that they were just friends, nothing more. He fold me she even had a boyfriend and he was friendly with her as they work together. After that things between us became more strained and a few days later my H said he wanted to end things. 

He said he hasn't committed adultery so I don't really know if there was anything more than flirting between them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Juicy said:


> Well Conrad when me and my H started having problems and becoming distant I found text messages on his phone to a female co worker. It was all very cosy and flirty, after I confronted him about them he said nothing was going on between them and that they were just friends, nothing more. He fold me she even had a boyfriend and he was friendly with her as they work together. After that things between us became more strained and a few days later my H said he wanted to end things.
> 
> He said he hasn't committed adultery so I don't really know if there was anything more than flirting between them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it possible to put a voice activated recorder under the seat of his car?


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Juicy said:


> It was all very cosy and flirty, after I confronted him about them he said nothing was going on between them and that they were just friends, nothing more. He fold me she even had a boyfriend and he was friendly with her as they work together. After that things between us became more strained and a few days later my H said he wanted to end things.


Yeah... You know... My AXW said the exact same thing about the very explicit sexting conversations I found that she had with a co-worker who was engaged to his girlfriend.

Given your H's subsequent ditching out... It's likely bull****.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Conrad- the only problem is we are not living together anymore and haven't seen each other so I don't know if I could. To begin with I was thinking of getting a PI to see if my H was having an affair but he's not even talking to me and doesn't want to see me, I'm not sure if I want to know anymore. 

Pbartender- I really believed my H when he said that there was nothing between him and his female co worker. But he left me so soon after I confronted him about the messages so I think maybe there was something more. I feel like I want to know so I can move on but at the same time I'm scared as I think I'm clinging on to hope of him coming back, I know it's not good to be stuck in the middle. 

Reading others posts on TAM is helping me decide what to do, I just hope I can be strong like so many others on here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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