# Dates Gone Bad...



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Well, seems like the dating world is a waste of my time....lol, weeks ago, I went on a few dates, and I thought I would share the craziness of what's out there. First of all, let me prefice this by saying I am an intelligent woman, who has good intution, or so I thought.

Maybe it's the dating site I'm on....lol I'm laughing, because if you don't laugh you'll go mad.

The first guy looked ok by his picture. We met, and I was very disappointed, to put in mildly. And btw, a lot of people lie on those sites...lol. He was shorter than he said, he had chapped lips, the kind where skin is peeling and hanging by a thread. He was very underdressed, jeans were kind of torn (not the in style kind either), and well, he was a mess. So we meet, first thing he says "I need to use the washroom", I was like ok, he enters the men's room, and I'm waiting for him to come out, 5 min's goes by, nada, 10min goes by..nada. I was feeling kind of cheeky, and brave, so I left. Never heard from him again. I thought to myself either he's doing his "business" in there, which totally disgusted me, what if he doesn't wash his hands?, then the thought of drug use came to mind, and so I bolted out there in a quick jog.

The other date I went on, pic was nice, chatted for a couple of weeks, seemed like it was ok to meet. Well, it would have been nice if he told me he had gained a substancial amount of weight before we met....grrrr. I don't have anything against people that are overweight, but hey, liars..nope. So, I did the polite thing, had a coffee, then he asks if I had eaten, I should have said yes, but he was pretty "normal", other than the lying...lol. So, we had dinner. He basically kept telling me to eat more during the whole meal, I'm petite, and don't have a big apetite. I was becoming a bit nausous, then he orders desert...OMG. And yep, kept telling me to eat more. I was ill at the end of dinner, said good bye, went home and went to sleep, I could barely move....ugh

So, I guess it really takes a while to meet your match, I just feel like I'm wasting my time, and I don't really have the patience for this anymore. I almost feel like there are better pickings in the grocery stores....lol

I guess I don't have a question, just thought I'd share my dating life.....my ex keeps asking about my dating life, lol, I don't have one I say, because really, I don't. I'm on a break from it all, have been for a few weeks, and then Mr. Unavailable shows up in my life again....ugh

kick me hard.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The chapped lips KILLED ME :rofl: GROSS!

Dating is lame...I wish I had advice, but I don't. Just keep your sense of humor and trust your gut!! And stop eating so much lolol.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I was like ok, he enters the men's room, and I'm waiting for him to come out, 5 min's goes by, nada, 10min goes by..nada. I was feeling kind of cheeky, and brave, so I left.


:rofl:
You bad girl! lol
I can only imagine his face when he came out, looking here looking there, going WTF?!!! lol



> So, I guess it really takes a while to meet your match, I just feel like I'm wasting my time, and I don't really have the patience for this anymore. I almost feel like there are better pickings in the grocery stores....lol
> 
> I guess I don't have a question, just thought I'd share my dating life.....my ex keeps asking about my dating life, lol, I don't have one I say, because really, I don't. I'm on a break from it all, have been for a few weeks, and then Mr. Unavailable shows up in my life....ugh


I was never one for dating, I liked the spontaneousness, so I like trains, parties, random lines out of nowhere and the challenge of breaking the ice and getting a random woman's number in less than 5 minutes! I learnt it all when I was doing direct sales hehe xD

My wife and I never even really dated, not really, we just kinda... fell into place.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> The chapped lips KILLED ME :rofl: GROSS!
> 
> Dating is lame...I wish I had advice, but I don't. Just keep your sense of humor and trust your gut!! And stop eating so much lolol.


You know you're full when you're eating, and your tongue is kind sticking out you're ready to hurl, I was so sick to my stomach. He wanted to go to this place called Rockaberry's, they have those crazy sized pies and cakes, where you can only eat a few bites. He was so upset when it was booked, I know I would have puked for sure.

Now, if it had been that time of the month...bring it


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl: I did date for about a year before meeting my husband. DANG! Some crazy mofos out there :lol:

I did have a friend-with-benefits on the side so..I had no pressure to have sex with losers. It worked for me, whatever. 

When is your next date?


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :rofl: I did date for about a year before meeting my husband. DANG! Some crazy mofos out there :lol:
> 
> I did have a friend-with-benefits on the side so..I had no pressure to have sex with losers. It worked for me, whatever.
> 
> When is your next date?


One other guy I was chatting to asked if I wanted to go hiking with him, I used to enjoy it, but with little tikes, it's hard to make the time for it. Now that I have my weekends to myself I'd like to get back to doing those sorts of things. But then I wondered if this guy would hack me up in the woods...lol


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. When going on dates, make sure the first few are in public. People are crazy. I always met people places...never let them see my car either


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Yeah, I'm not in a rush to get serious any more, kind of being laid back about the whole thing now. My "friend" and I have a good time when we see each other, and I'm very aloof with him, and I guess he now wants to spend more time with me. He knows I date others (no sex). I think he's a bit jealous, he's making an effort, but I'm not getting sucked into like before....my terms now, the b*tch is in charge...


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

I wouldn't put pressure on oneself you never know when you might meet the right person. Just play it cool and be yourself.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> Yeah, I'm not in a rush to get serious any more, kind of being laid back about the whole thing now. My "friend" and I have a good time when we see each other, and I'm very aloof with him, and I guess he now wants to spend more time with me. He knows I date others (no sex). I think he's a bit jealous, he's making an effort, but I'm not getting sucked into like before....my terms now, the b*tch is in charge...


Stop the press!

Is this THE Mr Unavailable? 

Please be careful not to trick yourself into thinking he's jealous and such. Based on what you've shared before, he might just feel there's no pressure on him now if you're dating. Why did you let him back into your life? If you are ready and accepting of it, so be it. But I remember having cheerleader pom-poms at the ready for you last time!

Your dating stories made me giggle.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

....and trust me, I'm not the cheerleader type. You brought that out in me!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Wow, that's pretty sad. What area of the country are you in? Metro area? I'm in a small town, so nothing I do is private. Pretty much everyone I know, know's I'm looking and dating. My landlord is a police officer, which is nice. If I ever needed a background check...my thinking is that if I needed one, I shouldn't be dating the guy though.

I leave a note with the username of the person I'm meeting, and where I'm going, when I expect to be back...

I've only had one strange date with a guy who came on really strong. He was nice, but messed up, sleep deprived. Otherwise I've been able to weed out the weirdos. 

I was introduced to someone through the ballroom dance crowd, he's nice but I think he's on the eager side. I don't want him to think it's a sure thing. I gave him my profile name and on it, I specifically say that I'm dating casually in the short term. Fortunately he's a while away, over an hour. I have a breakfast date lined up with a guy who lives more locally, I think at the core we might be compatible, except that I have this dance hobby. 

Then there's my Argentine Tango dance instructor. I really like him, and I know the attraction is mutual. But. I'm not sure he'd date anyone seriously. So there's a lid on that.

I dated a guy from Match for 4 months. He has issues with weed and depression and in the end his temper. He doesn't like reality and unfortunately I'm firmly grounded in it. I think I was too much reality for him. I can see why he's single. On the other hand, considering staying friends with him, abut without benefits.

I have a guy friend I go out with who is a friend, friend. He struggles with a lot of different stuff. He saw me through the period of when my former boyfriend had a brain hemorrhage, so he's seen me at my best during the worst, and knows my character and personality probably better than any other man I know. IF he could get his act together and get a handle on his life, that's the guy I would marry. But that's not the circumstance. When I mentioned it theoretically, dating (not marriage) he wouldn't because of our mutual friend that I was involved with. So pretty much we go out to eat and do some activity stuff together...he met my friends when I was camping last summer, came to the campground twice, and they said I should marry him. Duh. But he's swamped with work, house and health issues. He doesn't dance, which is a shame. I tried to get him to come out for lessons but that hasn't happened. So that relationship is bound by certain issues of reality, and my attraction to him is limited by these issues...

My dating world doesn't seem to have the 'bad dates' but it has its sinkholes of its own that command respect and caution.

I heard a really horrible dating story from my massage therapist this past week. She'd gone to a guy's home, and he was most definitely sociopathic, and she stayed over...I was impressed that she shared the story with me. I think she wanted to convey to me that even though she's re-married now, she was not above making mistakes and wanted me to feel better about the whole dating scene. The guy's house was a pit, he made her go to the store for something so he could go through her stuff, she was joshing around with him and pinched him playfully and he pushed her down in a chair and pinched her hard and said how does it feel? It sounded awful. 

I have a breakfast date with a local guy tomorrow. He has a business and is very pleasant. Have not yet met him in person but we know mutual people, like my landlord, and he asked me if I like the movies (at the theatre where I volunteer...lol.) Meeting me for breakfast is a bonus...I'm definitely a morning person.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Unless the first guy was sick he was waiting until you left so he could leave.

That was the great thing about the old show Love Connection where you could here both sides of the story.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Dating sites? Those are totally full to the brim with losers. Aren't there other ways to meet people these days?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

costa200 said:


> Dating sites? Those are totally full to the brim with losers. Aren't there other ways to meet people these days?


I was introduced to a guy in person and we exchanged user profile names. It's just one of many ways to meet someone. Now the ice breaker question is, do you have a profile and what's your user name? It's almost as if the dating site profile is a calling card/resume. It also serves the purpose of keeping your profile visible while dating so as to make sure your dates understand that they are just that, dates. Of course there are other ways...but having a profile on a popular dating site can save a lot of time and trouble.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

costa200 said:


> Dating sites? Those are totally full to the brim with losers. Aren't there other ways to meet people these days?


I agree, there are loads of losers. But you can weed them out. There is a blocking feature. I go bicycling and get marriage propositions from losers, and go to the store for beer in my boots and get asked out...or get propositioned while at a play or movie on my own (or with someone!) or on the dance floor. The losers are everywhere, the dating site is a reflection of reality.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Why no sex? I suppose it is finding a man that you actually want to have sex with. I think i might have a difficult time.

I just find it very difficult to be attracted and if your not physically attracted then i really am not interested in getting to know them, which is a shame because personality is also part of attraction. :scratchhead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm pretty good at weeding them out as well. Free sites are full of cheap losers and married men. Paid sites have better quality men but even there one has to be careful. 

I can tell by clothing or hairstyles very often if it's an old photo. Men ALWAYS lie about their height in my experience - not once have I met a man on-line who is as tall as he says he is. I try to be honest and current with photo and physical information.

And agree on meeting in public, communicating beforehand gathering enough information to verify and doing a background check on them; even if it's just to see they are honest with what they tell me. You can find an awful lot on-line here; some cities are pretty digital now.

But the two weirdest dates ever - met a guy, never married, nice looking, stable and outdoorsy, in 40s like me. Had a drink and nice stroll in a popular outdoor shopping center w/ fountain, live music, etc. 

Decide to have dinner where I let him drive me to the restaurant (left my car back at original place and I carry concealed .44) and he had two totally looser guy friends "by coincidence" at the restaurant (I think he wanted to show off that he had a date). 

Nice enough time, drove me back to my car, leans over to kiss me and kisses like a helicopter with lock jaw all the while sliding his hand up my thigh under my skirt within the first 2 seconds. I put my hand on top of his to stop that action and break off the kiss politely and thank him for the evening, had a good time, etc. It didn't really hurt my feelings that he never called or emailed after that.

Second guy met out for drinks, had a decent enough time, was a gentleman. Walked to his office to show me what he did (still armed!) had a nice time. Planned a second date to tour wineries and take a picnic. I was to bring a desert, he was bringing the rest. 

We tour 3 wineries, enjoy the afternoon, at a stop sign at crossroads he leans over to kiss me, nice. I ask when/where we're going to stop for picnic dinner. He says "I forgot it". Boy was I naive! I guess he was implying he was the main course, I was desert? Oddly he remember the BLANKET. He had loaded the car while I sat in the passenger seat so I had assumed the food was in the back. Well all I've had since breakfast is wine and oyster crackers, so I nonchalantly say "well we can get back to town by turning here and getting on the freeway in 2 miles..." he takes the hint and we head back. I'm thinking maybe we'll stop for dinner since it's another hour but no, back to his place where I left my car. 

I go in to use the bathroom and he asks me to sit, I figure I'll make polite conversation then grab fast food on the way home. He wastes no time going for a makeout session but after a couple kisses I stand up and say I'm heading home and go to grab the bite-sized fruit filled pastries I had brought for desert and he asks if he can keep half! I say sure (rolling eyes), leave half on a plate and get the heck out of there. He calls again and I say I just didn't feel any chemistry but I'm thinking to myself what a cheap, sleazy dude.

That story became infamous around my friends and he was ever after known as the food-less picnic dude.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I met my SO on a dating site and we now have a child and a great relationship. We talked for quite a while but I knew right away that he was different. I had my fair share of weirdos.

One guy initially sent me an email saying he hated all the get to know you back and forth so if I would please fill out this questionaire...what is your favorite color, favorite band, blah blah blah. I laughed really hard and would have ignored him but I had to tell him that he was crazy and would never meet someone that way. He immediately back peddled, apologizing asking if he could start over.

Then another jerk tried contacting me and I could tell right away he was looking for sex, not a relationship. He said one of his friends told him to try online dating sites and I asked him if he really wanted a relationship. He said yes, I told him to get real with me and I wouldn't hold it against him if he was just looking for sex. I think he took that as a green light and he admitted yeah he just wanted to hook up. Never talked to him again.

The best was this complete *******, we met at the mall just to see if we wanted to bother going on a date. The entire time we were walking around he was pointing out people talking **** loud enough for them to hear him. Making fun of how women were dressed, how "fat" guys were. Yet he was losing his hair and had a beer gut, not at all like how his pic looked. I told him he was being rude and he told me that I was uptight and didn't know how to have fun. We just looked at each other with pure hatred and turned and walked in separate directions.

I think for as many crazy losers there are out there at least we all walk away with some really funny experiences. There are good guys out there on dating sites though. Unfortunately there is a lot to weed through. If a guy had a pic with no shirt on he immediately went to my block list lol.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm pretty good at weeding them out as well. Free sites are full of cheap losers and married men. Paid sites have better quality men but even there one has to be careful.
> 
> I can tell by clothing or hairstyles very often if it's an old photo. Men ALWAYS lie about their height in my experience - not once have I met a man on-line who is as tall as he says he is. I try to be honest and current with photo and physical information.
> 
> ...


LOL. I went on a picnic date and brought my own food. Sure enough all he had was a power bar. We got to a point in mountain biking where I told him to go ahead and to double-back, I was going to take a break and rest and eat. I did and when he came back he ate his power bar. I did offer him a bit of mine. But I didn't count on him to bring anything for me, and glad I didn't. I'm into self-care. To this day, he is very much unaware of other people's needs. If I were going over to his place for dinner, I'd always have a snack in advance, because it can take him forever to get to the food point and it really does seem to be based on when he is hungry vs. when guests might be hungy. Lack of awareness of other's needs. It did get to be an issue. We're still talking about it, although I haven't seen him for over a week. one of the reasons he liked me is that I don't let him get away with sh*t. 

But lying, no he never lied. He failed to mention just how fragile he really is, but I'm not real sure he's aware of that himself. He substitutes that feeling out for anger and depression. If he lies it's to himself, and other people suffer the collateral damage.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Soifon said:


> If a guy had a pic with no shirt on he immediately went to my block list lol.


Some guy sent me a photo with no shirt on and in his bike shorts, it was a really dumb photo taken in a bathroom of all places. I told him I didn't like surprises and what was this some kind of dumb joke? He acted as though I had insulted him physically. I said, nope, I just don't think you get what's appropriate and what's not appropriate and you lack a sense of aesthetics and you definitely won't fit into my lifestyle which really depends on a sense of decorum and diplomacy. 

Not knowing I used to work in diplomacy, he told me that I would make an excellent conversationalist. No sh*t Sherlock, and in four different languages. And I've had enough dinners and outings with the 'enemy' and other two-faced sham diplomats to be able to decide within a few emails if someone is going to be able to function in a relationship. I swear, this guy would have been the kind to be titty-twisting in the middle of the night and then telling me I have no sense of humor. BTDT. 

I blocked him.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> You guys know what Freeganism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia is?


That's how rock climbers survive when they go off on rock climbing trips. It's almost like a competitive sport among them. They call it dirt-bagging. The term you give is more euphemistic. It's actually a good skill to teach your kids when they go off in the world...but it's not something that I'd like as a lifestyle, and it would turn me off as a date unless it were agreed upon in advance and to raise awareness for everything that we have. 

Your date definitely violated some standard rules of behavior, which is being aware of another's needs and sensitive to them.

Either that or he was doing it on a dare, and didn't really intend to date anyone seriously. There were probably a few of his buddies trailing you watching and laughing their butts off. 

But it makes for a great story!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So for a guy who plans to one day start dating again. What is there to be learned here? Don't be crazy and carry a tube of lip balm at all times? Or always carry food in a picnic basket?

Also what is the standard for leaning over for that first kiss. I'm a rather shy guy and would say wait til the moment feels right, but if I wait too long would that turn the women off thinking I have no self confidence. 3 ,4, 5 dates ? I have a hard time trying to figure out this fine line other then if it feels right go for it. Haven't dated in 20 years so I'm not really sure where to start.

Personally for me I just want to be friends for a long period and move into dating, but if you meet someone in a dating site isn't it implied your are dating?

Sorry. I stumbled on this thread. Some very highly entertaining stories. I hope there are more to come.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So for a guy who plans to one day start dating again. What is there to be learned here? Don't be crazy and carry a tube of lip balm at all times? Or always carry food in a picnic basket?
> 
> Also what is the standard for leaning over for that first kiss. I'm a rather shy guy and would say wait til the moment feels right, but if I wait too long would that turn the women off thinking I have no self confidence. 3 ,4, 5 dates ? I have a hard time trying to figure out this fine line other then if it feels right go for it. Haven't dated in 20 years so I'm not really sure where to start.
> 
> ...


Just be yourself and honest with what your intentions are. If you are a trash digging food eater then don't hide it. At least she'll find out on the first date and if she isn't into it you know right away and don't have to change yourself. And if she digs the whole trash eating thing then you've found quite a catch that fits in with your way of life :smthumbup:


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Stop the press!
> 
> Is this THE Mr Unavailable?
> 
> ...


I didn't even think about what you're saying, that he's feeling no pressure because I'm dating other people. crap...

I do have a weakness for him, and I've taken more control over the situation...I'm probably an idoit. I don't feel the same about him, and it helps meeting other people, I guess I consider him "safe". I see him when I feel like it, and it's not like it was before.....can anyone say justification....grrrr


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

DO NOT talk to that guy you were talking with before. 

Ew. He's the plague and he will keep you from finding someone awesome because he'll just stick around enough for you NOT to want to be with anyone else, but you WON'T be with him.

I did that for years. Do not fall into that stupid trap.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I was introduced to a guy in person and we exchanged user profile names. It's just one of many ways to meet someone. Now the ice breaker question is, do you have a profile and what's your user name? It's almost as if the dating site profile is a calling card/resume. It also serves the purpose of keeping your profile visible while dating so as to make sure your dates understand that they are just that, dates. Of course there are other ways...but having a profile on a popular dating site can save a lot of time and trouble.


the 40ish crowd is mostly on dating sites it seems.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

cloudwithleggs said:


> Why no sex? I suppose it is finding a man that you actually want to have sex with. I think i might have a difficult time.
> 
> I just find it very difficult to be attracted and if your not physically attracted then i really am not interested in getting to know them, which is a shame because personality is also part of attraction. :scratchhead:


I can't just have random sex, I have to have some kind of connection.....attraction comes to mind. Aint no way I am puckering up for scabby lips. I don't like pot bellies either....I'm just so picky it seems....lol


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's good to be picky.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Thanks for all the dating stories, at least I know I'm not the only one going out with losers....

loved the french fry story...OMG.

I forgot to mention one date I went on a couple of months ago. Seemed like a nice guy, chatted on the phone for a couple of weeks, had kids around my kid's age...So he invited me over for a drink on his back deck. He was always complaining how tired he was from caring for his two young boys, so he's like "come over for a quick drink". I wasn't afraid of anything happening, so I have a beer, and he pulls out a joint...WTF?? I don't know you, and you think you can just do this. He got stoned, and I hit the road. He's tired all the time because he's wacked on pot....lol

I get a lot of messages and I answer maybe 1 out of 25. I really wanted to answer this one guy who was 30, and had his shirt off in a fire fighter's outfit.....wow, might be fun to play with him, but no, decided against that....lol


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

working_together said:


> Thanks for all the dating stories, at least I know I'm not the only one going out with losers....
> 
> loved the french fry story...OMG.
> 
> ...


My last boyfriend was a depressed pothead. He'd act abysmally when he was high, limited self-perception. And a narcissist to boot. He still thinks that telling me at 2 a.m. that he didn't love me and wasn't attracted to me was within the realm of having an ongoing relationship, and then he kneejerked on FB being upset because he was 'back on the market again'...when I asked him if he meant to end the relationship saying that to me, he said 'I was just being honest.' At 2 a.m.? 

I guess from his perspective, it was something horrible that I was supposed to bend over backwards to help him with...oh poor you, you're in a relationship and you don't love your girlfriend and aren't attracted to her...oh....let me comfort you and give you help with that? It's a strange perspective but after talking to him about it, I guess pretty much that's his angle. For me, I was like, dude, that sucks, I'll go home in the morning. And he started freaking!

He's adorable, but so f'd up.

I'm moving on. Apparently we are still friends, he likes that I don't let him get away with sh*t....it's too bad that includes dumping him when he deserved it. He SAYS it will be better for him to be on his own, but we'll see how long he goes without getting himself another co-dependent. The problem with me is I have co-dependent tendencies but can no longer complete the deed in spirit or body...therapy finally stuck.  My school and work and personal time were finally more important to me than feeding someone's needs when they never came back full circle to do me any good. Just an energy-sucking relationship.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So for a guy who plans to one day start dating again. What is there to be learned here? Don't be crazy and carry a tube of lip balm at all times? Or always carry food in a picnic basket?
> 
> Also what is the standard for leaning over for that first kiss. I'm a rather shy guy and would say wait til the moment feels right, but if I wait too long would that turn the women off thinking I have no self confidence. 3 ,4, 5 dates ? I have a hard time trying to figure out this fine line other then if it feels right go for it. Haven't dated in 20 years so I'm not really sure where to start.
> 
> ...


Mmm I still remember the best 'first date kiss'. After dinner we walked around the boardwalk by the pond (shopping/dining area w/ water feature) then eventually to my car. He put his arms around my waist and said that he had a really great time and he'd like to see me again - and before saying goodbye leaned in for a gentle kiss then based on my response deepend it and ended it after not too long of a time.

Based on that my pointers are: arms around her first while talking - you can gauge by her body language if she's uncomfortable with that and can progress to a hug good bye if you aren't 'feeling it' but if she is comfortable with your arms around her go for the soft romantic peck, make it multiples and if she seems receptive vs. pulling away and ending the kiss there, then go for a more lingering kiss but don't turn it into a makeout session.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Based on that my pointers are: arms around her first while talking - you can gauge by her body language if she's uncomfortable with that and can progress to a hug good bye if you aren't 'feeling it' but if she is comfortable with your arms around her go for the soft romantic peck, make it multiples and if she seems receptive vs. pulling away and ending the kiss there, then go for a more lingering kiss but don't turn it into a makeout session.


So no tongue?


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Hey, can a boy play? I've been married 14 years, with the Mrs 6 years before that, so out of the dating scene since high school.... But that was scary enough... Had one where we went on an hour long road trip, ending in her puking on my shoes because she got car sick... Another, went to dinner at her house-they used paper plates- after, I was helping kind of pick up, and started throwing the paper plates away... her mom dug them out of the trash and informed me that they wash and re use them...


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So no tongue?


Yes there was but it was after a couple no-tongue smooches. I think this gives the girl (or guy) a chance to pull back without leaving someone standing there agape with tongue hanging out. 

If they are into the lingering 'pecks' then the lips can part and a deeper kiss ensue. But it shouldn't be a 2 minute long kiss. IMO. More like a 10 second kiss. Each thing naturally leads to the other in small steps with enable each person to give and receive signals indicating if they'd like it to continue plus a natural 'breaking' point to pull away without awkwardness.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I know I'm only hearing one side of the story here! :scratchhead:

I did the dating site thing, and there was not one woman I met that I did not have sex with within a couple dates. It was EASY pickins as you already spoken with them a few times.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

So... the chapped lipped guy puts in the excuse of going to bathroom & ditches you instead?? Did you actually see him go in there? Was there a back way out?

Okay.. then the guy that wanted to push his habits onto you. Um, stand up for yourself girl... Don't overeat for ANYONE else. You should have just said, "No, I'm good." "I've had enough." Everytime he pushed you to eat more, i would have said "I've had enough." Then maybe after the 5th time, he'd get the message that I meant i'd had enough of the date.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

humanbecoming said:


> Hey, can a boy play? I've been married 14 years, with the Mrs 6 years before that, so out of the dating scene since high school.... But that was scary enough... Had one where we went on an hour long road trip, ending in her puking on my shoes because she got car sick... Another, went to dinner at her house-they used paper plates- after, I was helping kind of pick up, and started throwing the paper plates away... her mom dug them out of the trash and informed me that they wash and re use them...


that's just gross...lol


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> So... the chapped lipped guy puts in the excuse of going to bathroom & ditches you instead?? Did you actually see him go in there? Was there a back way out?
> 
> Okay.. then the guy that wanted to push his habits onto you. Um, stand up for yourself girl... Don't overeat for ANYONE else. You should have just said, "No, I'm good." "I've had enough." Everytime he pushed you to eat more, i would have said "I've had enough." Then maybe after the 5th time, he'd get the message that I meant i'd had enough of the date.


The first date...I went into the ladies room at the same time, so who knows where he went. The other date...the guy was Italian, you can never say you're full around an Italian person, you can never eat enough. And I did say I was full several times, it's not like I'm sitting there all passive...I do speak up.....sheesh, these were just some examples of what online dating is like, I was trying to use some humor and get others to chime in with their stories.... The doped up guy, well, I didn't stay for long, had a quick drink and left.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> I didn't even think about what you're saying, that he's feeling no pressure because I'm dating other people. crap...
> 
> I do have a weakness for him, and I've taken more control over the situation...I'm probably an idoit. I don't feel the same about him, and it helps meeting other people, I guess I consider him "safe". I see him when I feel like it, and it's not like it was before.....can anyone say justification....grrrr


I have another theory...he's sussing out how long this arrangement with you can last until there's another dude on the scene. 

Whatever the reason, you know you have a weakness for him. What happened after the last email you sent about not wanting to see him again?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, pot is a deal breaker for me too. Yuck.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, pot is a deal breaker for me too. Yuck.


 I guess that means Matthew McConaughey is out of the question then.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

NoWhere said:


> I guess that means Matthew McConaughey is out of the question then.


I really don't mind if someone smokes a bit of pot once in a while to chill out, I have done it on the rare occasion, but when someone is standing outside on their deck lighting up one after the other, and very stoned....yeah, it was the longest glass of wine I ever had. He actually had the nerve to text me before I got there to pick up some rolling papers....yeah, major red flag. He texted me a few times, but I never answered. That's where I need some improvement, being able to tell them I'm not interested, or not liking certain things they do. I admit I need to speak up in those areas. I'm a conflict avoider, which is why I was in a long marriage where I was treated poorly.

work in progress....


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I have another theory...he's sussing out how long this arrangement with you can last until there's another dude on the scene.
> 
> Whatever the reason, you know you have a weakness for him. What happened after the last email you sent about not wanting to see him again?


Well, after the email, and his response, I didn't email or text for 6 weeks, I was proud of myself, went on dates, crappy, but still went out. Then I realized I had a b-day gift for his daughter, he had been very generous with my kids for their b-days, I felt a bit obliged, and I know I shouldn't have, this is where I messed up. I emailed him and asked how he was, told him I had a gift etc. He was very receptive, and was different this time. I thought maybe he was realizing that I can't have this fwb and that it wasn't healthy for me. So I made sure I went over when the girls were there. Convo was good, and then I left very quickly, no hug good bye or anything. Another two weeks go by, and I just sent him a text to see how things were going. I honestly didn't want anything more at that point, I missed the friendship, we had a lot in common, and our kids were the same age, and our separations were very similar. So, after I texted the "how are things", he answere immediately, and wondered why I left so quickly when I came over. I played it cool, and said I hadn't realized I did that. The I get the "are you dating anyone", I answered honestly and said "here and there". Then he asks if I wanted to come over for a movie. 

So, that's the story, and I am waffling back and forth so much, I probably should see a counselor....but I'm not hurt like I was before, when I hadn't heard from him in a week, just before I said enough. Things are different now, and it could be many things. Kind of the theory "he doesn't want a relationship, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either". That's not healthy I know, and for now I'm playing it safe, I've detached from the situation, and if someone else comes into my life while I'm just enjoying this guy, then fine. In the end fwb rarely lead to relationships, and I have accepted that. I won't let him blow my chances of meeting other people though.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Apparently these stories are part of the reason why I have a very successful dating record.

If this is the competition ... I win. 

'Bad dates' is an easy topic for conversation while out on a date. And I have heard some doosies. They run the gamut from hysterical, to WTF? to downright dangerous.

My worst story is that I met a woman for a breakfast date. Got there first, and realized I had forgotten my wallet. I owned the gaffe immediately, apologized and told her with a smile if she was looking for an out, 'guy shows up with no money' would be a perfect one.

We had a nice, intelligent conversation, but I was already presuming there would be no second date. Forgetting your wallet on a date is pretty much a cardinal sin. I can only imagine how she told that story.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

So last night between short films at the film festival my nice guy date that a dance friend lined me up with tells me I remind him of someone and I'm listening and it turns out it was a woman he knew when he was in night school/university and he went on about how they all went out for drinks after class, nothing every happened, how his wife would have probably killed him (metaphorically I guess) if she knew, etc. I held my tongue but I said to myself...well maybe she DID know and that's why you're divorced. As soon as a guy says 'nothing ever happened' and 'it was okay because we went out in a group' and then says that his wife didn't know about it and shouldn't because it would have caused problems... OMG. I thought to myself, he cannot be serious, he is telling me this on our first date! So, I remind him of someone he wanted to cheat on his wife with but didn't. This is ummmmmmmmmmmmm supposed to be a COMPLIMENT?

I'd rather deal with a forgotten wallet.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

working_together said:


> The first date...I went into the ladies room at the same time, so who knows where he went. The other date...the guy was Italian, you can never say you're full around an Italian person, you can never eat enough. And I did say I was full several times, it's not like I'm sitting there all passive...I do speak up.....sheesh, these were just some examples of what online dating is like, I was trying to use some humor and get others to chime in with their stories.... The doped up guy, well, I didn't stay for long, had a quick drink and left.


Yes, I appreciate your light humor... i was trying to joke around with my replies.. but it came across wrong.

Well.. the "Italian" decent explains that one!

Oh.. and about the hiker & the alone in the woods thing.. you just never know. He might have been the one!!

Kinda funnish.. related:

When hubby asked me out first time... It was to go "fishing".. then he started talking about camping all night. I'm thinking "Whoa there tonto... what kind of girl do you think I am??" But just said that no way was I gonna go camping all night on a first date. So I agree to do the fishing thing. (I guess I was a keeper because I liked fishing?) 

Anyway... Its nighttime fishing,.. dark.. drives on this back road ..to me, in the middle of nowhere (later after I moved to this town, found that it is a common fishing spot)... And I litterally was thinking & saying to myself "Well, He wont do anything Real bad like rape or murder, because they know where he lives!"

We worked at same warehouse... So in the back of my mind I was a little relieved that people there knew we were going on a first date. If I didn't show up to work on Monday.. they would question him. LOL... Well... He ended up being my hubby!.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

NoWhere said:


> I guess that means Matthew McConaughey is out of the question then.


Matthew McConaughey would be welcome in my dreams stoned or not!... Well.. He might need to get stoned to try to date me in my dreams! LOL.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Apparently these stories are part of the reason why I have a very successful dating record.
> 
> If this is the competition ... I win.
> 
> ...


Did you then order the lobster and bottle of Moet?

Sounds like you handled it well.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Chelle D said:


> We worked at same warehouse... So in the back of my mind I was a little relieved that people there knew we were going on a first date. If I didn't show up to work on Monday.. they would question him. LOL... Well... He ended up being my hubby!.


lol.


My guy didn't even show for our second date. It was pre-mobile phone days. He had tried to get in contact though and I gave him the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. Hubs has never been late or missed showing again.

The other night I let him know I'd taken a different route home so I could walk further from the stop (increasing fitness). Told him roughly what time I'd be home by. Somehow he had it timed perfectly to be there just as I was arriving at the stop.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

heartsbeating said:


> Did you then order the lobster and bottle of Moet?
> 
> Sounds like you handled it well.


Suggested that I just get a coffee, and that scoring a breakfast wasn't my primary reason for wanting to meet her anyway. And yes, we actually talked about 'bad dates'.

She had a stalker. Actually changed her city of origin in her online profile and changed her cell number as a result. She was VERY cautious about dating.

She also indicated right in her profile, requesting that guys in their 20's and 30's stop contacting her. She was 43, Laotian former beauty queen, looked 28. So yeah, she got plenty of attention. Sharp lady, but alas no chemistry, no quick, sharp wit, and me with no wallet.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Deejo said:


> She also indicated right in her profile, requesting that guys in their 20's and 30's stop contacting her.


This does happen but i wouldn't put it in my profile (not that i have a profile at present) she is limiting herself already.  :scratchhead:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> So last night between short films at the film festival my nice guy date that a dance friend lined me up with tells me I remind him of someone and I'm listening and it turns out it was a woman he knew when he was in night school/university and he went on about how they all went out for drinks after class, nothing every happened, how his wife would have probably killed him (metaphorically I guess) if she knew, etc. I held my tongue but I said to myself...well maybe she DID know and that's why you're divorced. As soon as a guy says 'nothing ever happened' and 'it was okay because we went out in a group' and then says that his wife didn't know about it and shouldn't because it would have caused problems... OMG. I thought to myself, he cannot be serious, he is telling me this on our first date! So, I remind him of someone he wanted to cheat on his wife with but didn't. This is ummmmmmmmmmmmm supposed to be a COMPLIMENT?
> 
> I'd rather deal with a forgotten wallet.


Dude did you a favor. He admitted he's a big ol' cheater. Or wants to be.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

cloudwithleggs said:


> This does happen but i wouldn't put it in my profile (not that i have a profile at present) she is limiting herself already.  :scratchhead:


I have that in my profile as well, no one under 35, I'm 45. Even 10 years is a big difference. But I still get the odd message from very young guys wanting....well, you know, the older woman experience....lol I don't really like the over 45 either. Still being picky. blah

I feel another date coming on soon, so I'm sure there will be some laughs....really cute guy though...whoa


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I tend to get a lot in their 50s but that's often a problem for the men who are done having kids in their lives. I was married to a man 12 years my senior so I was just ready to date my own age or close to it. Now 50 IS close to my own age!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My longest post-marriage relationship was with a woman 10 years my junior.

Hottest was a 48 year old in incredible shape.

Really funny story was when I was at the store and saw this woman from behind and it made my heart skip. Just the way she carried herself.
Then she turned around and it was my ex-wife.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

worst date ever was when the guy started drinking way too much then ended up crying because he missed his exgirlfriend. I was informed that I reminded him of her.

any other worst dates would be if they start preaching to me about my dangerous pit bull and pit fosters. I got up and left right in the middle of dinner when one guy was particularly insulting about my choice of breed rescue.

The best date I ever had was with my exSO.not one awkward word,no weird moments,and the sweetest most natural kiss at the end of the night.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I am not dating till next year, my head is in the wrong place, because if i dated now, i'd be going through men like no tomorrow, as all i'm interested in is sex. Someone tell me this is a normal stage i am going through


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

No dating here until at least next year!


Come on divorce decree!


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

cloudwithleggs said:


> I am not dating till next year, my head is in the wrong place, because if i dated now, i'd be going through men like no tomorrow, as all i'm interested in is sex. Someone tell me this is a normal stage i am going through


I guess it's fairly normal, but what the heck do I know. My sex drive has shot up in the last year or so, so I can understand how you feel. It sucks to be single and want to have sex all the time, you could end up picking the wrong person, and get axed up or something.

I will continue to date and not have sex with the dates. But I will also continue to have amazing sex with my fwb (grrr, I hate that title).


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> I am not dating till next year, my head is in the wrong place, because if i dated now, i'd be going through men like no tomorrow, as all i'm interested in is sex. Someone tell me this is a normal stage i am going through


Here let me give you my number and address. lol.
Seriously though I fully understand. It's like you just want a body to fill the void and not get attached to anyone. Unfortunately that isn't how it usually works. Even with no intention to get attached, sex can be rather intimate and I think we all are a little vulnerable right now. I know I am. So I would say this is a normal stage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

cloudwithleggs said:


> I am not dating till next year, my head is in the wrong place, because if i dated now, i'd be going through men like no tomorrow, as all i'm interested in is sex. Someone tell me this is a normal stage i am going through


Normal... NORMAL... very very very normal.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Well, well, well, I finally met a nice and decent guy. I've gone on two dates, and another one planned for Sat. It's quite strange really, meeting someone totally normal for a change. We seem to have hit it off, but there is always a damn red flag. He's only been separated 9 months like me....grrrr, he can't be over his ex wife yet. I'm being cautious for sure, just going to have fun, nothing too serious. So, yeah, it's only two dates, one can't really tell, but I've noticed some major differences from what went on with Mr. Unavailable. He actually calls me, and isn't just texting to meet. And he never says he's too "busy", remember, "busy" is just another word for assclown.

Mr. Unavailable is up to his tricks again, I think he's mad that I didn't contact him on the weekend. I actually stayed home in pj's all weekend, I didn't want to see him. But he knows I'm dating others, and I think he figured I was out on dates...Oh well, just makes me realize how dysfunctional our "friendship" was, and still is. I guess that's what you get for not defining a relationship after 7 months.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ play it by ear. You met a nice and decent guy? Great! Just enjoy it for what it is in the moment.

I've forgotten the name of the other one...Mr unavail..a..who?


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> ^ play it by ear. You met a nice and decent guy? Great! Just enjoy it for what it is in the moment.
> 
> I've forgotten the name of the other one...Mr unavail..a..who?


thanks, a bit stressed about it, I'm afraid I'll sabatage something since I'm so used to dysfunction.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I thnk the only way you will sabotage it is if you overthink it. Don't set any expectations and go with the flow. Enjoy the time getting to know this other human being you find attractive. If it turns into something...great! If it doesn't...you enjoyed some nice time together. Win win.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> ^ play it by ear. You met a nice and decent guy? Great! Just enjoy it for what it is in the moment.
> 
> I've forgotten the name of the other one...Mr unavail..a..who?


This is how I felt at the start of the last relationship. It's find that it's pretty much over. It was hard for a while but in the end I'm glad I had some fun times with him. Just enjoy.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> This is how I felt at the start of the last relationship. It's find that it's pretty much over. It was hard for a while but in the end I'm glad I had some fun times with him. Just enjoy.


Have you heard from him lately?? you had said he was messaging you on fb or something, more in contact after you stepped back a bit.


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