# Ladies: have you been with the “right” number of prior lovers?



## oldshirt

Women seem to be getting a bad rap lately due to their prior sexual histories. 

For women it seems they are in kind of a damned if they do and damned if they don’t no-win scenario. 

If they have been with one person to many, they are deemed unworthy of marriage/LTR and are not considered relationship material.

Many of the current crop of Red Pill gurus go so far as to say if a woman has been with more than say a handful of people in her lifetime that she is not only unworthy on the basis of lost virtue but that she is now DAMAGED and INCAPABLE of forming and maintaining a healthy bond with a man. 

Yikes!! 😱 

HOWEVER, if she hasn’t been with ENOUGH, then she is at risk of wanting to make up for her list days of fun and passion that she missed out on earlier and she will go off the rails and run amok in the streets devastating her devoted and faithful husband and family.

Double yikes! 😳 

So the million dollar question of course is how many people does a woman have to be with before she is an eligible mate? 1? 2? 5? 10? 27.84? 

How many is enough? How many is too many? 

Equally perplexing is how wide is this strike zone?

Does it have to be the exact number or is there an acceptable range?

Additionally does it have to be full PIV encounters and only PIV counts or is it a point system or some kind of sliding scale where blow jobs and fingering banging can accrue the needed credentials?? 

Does a one-time drunken hook up at a frat party or the bathroom of a bar count or does it have to be a sober, conscious effort? 

And then how do we document and verify this on one’s resume? Do we need to call for references and verifications?

Are there waivers and grace periods for those that may be 1 or 2 short or is it an absolute requirement to where they will have to go check off those criteria and then come back with the required documentation?

Can there be a forgiveness program for those with extenuating circumstances that caused them to go over the limit through no fault of their own? 

This is all so confusing. 

Can someone please tell me what the appropriate number or range is? As a guy I don’t want to make a mistake and have someone else’s past burn me from back before I even knew they existed. 

I mean good Lord, think of what could happen to me as a grown adult man if some woman has been with 5 prior people when she was supposed to stop at 4???

Will it be even worse if she is supposed to be with at least 3 but has only made it to 2?? 

If I meet such a person, do I need to send her up to the bar or direct her to Tinder until she can check off her final requirements? I don’t want to be devastated because someone is out of their necessary quota before I even meet them. 

So what do we do???
What are the answers?? What’s the solution?

I don’t have all the answers but I want to help. 

I’m not sure what can be done if someone has gone over quota. I guess they’ll have to go work at the strip club and make porn. 

But ladies, if you have reached the required quota yet - I CAN help!

If you haven’t achieved the necessary experience level yet, contact me and together we can get your resume updated and get you the required credentialing to make you a proper mate and marriage material! 😃 

It’s the least I can do.


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## Numb26

According to Douglas Adams the answer is 42. 😉


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## In Absentia

22.3


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## oldshirt

Numb26 said:


> According to Douglas Adams the answer is 42. 😉


Oh.

Ok ladies so if you are 41 or under, you need to get crack’n. Contact me ASAP!!


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## Numb26

oldshirt said:


> Oh.
> 
> Ok ladies so if you are 41 or under, you need to get crack’n. Contact me ASAP!!


LOL Think you might have missed the joke


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## joannacroc

I have been with the exact right number in that they were all consensual. Think people who expect their partner to be quasi-virginal but turn into some hyped up porn star when they marry them are a bit odd. But what do I know. 

And no thanks on your offer although it did give me a chuckle. Way to make lemonade.


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## TexasMom1216

joannacroc said:


> I have been with the exact right number in that they were all consensual. Think people who expect their partner to be quasi-virginal but turn into some hyped up porn star when they marry them are a bit odd. But what do I know.


I too am amazed by the red pill guys who marry a virgin and expect her to turn porn star on the wedding night.


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## Numb26

TexasMom1216 said:


> I too am amazed by the red pill guys who marry a virgin and expect her to turn porn star on the wedding night.


I'd rather have the porn star then the virgin.


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## oldshirt

Numb26 said:


> LOL Think you might have missed the joke


“42 will do.”


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## Jamieboy

To try and answer this question seriously, from my perspective as a middle aged man, I really don't care, any woman I meet would obviously reveal her past history through stories, if she had multiple short relationships to middle age, I would of course see that as a red flag, however if she had a sh1t ton of partners between 2 or 3 long relationships, I would be less bothered, so it's more a case of relationship history than number of partners. 

Sex is fun, but its not the most important thing as long as its not absent. So I would say the magic number applies to past relationships not sexual partners. And this would apply equally to men and women in my humble opinion.


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## oldshirt

TexasMom1216 said:


> I too am amazed by the red pill guys who marry a virgin and expect her to turn porn star on the wedding night.


I’m more amazed at the people that marry porn stars and expect them to turn into virgins.


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## Numb26

oldshirt said:


> I’m more amazed at the people that marry porn stars and expect them to turn into virgins.


Why would anyone want that???


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## TexasMom1216

Numb26 said:


> I'd rather have the porn star then the virgin.


That can be done. They’d be happy to not have to make porn any more.


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## ConanHub

I don't usually think in terms like these, who does?

I'm generally against promiscuity however and there does seem to be a damage to women when it comes to pair bonding.


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## oldshirt

So a follow up question is if some has been with 43 or 23.3 prior lovers, is there a way they can get the overage expunged?

Can that be brought down to an acceptable range in anyway?

Is there some kind of penance or community service that can done to cancel out some of those?

Will a self-imposed period of abstinence or exile tick the clock backwards? 

Can someone’s sexual virtue be restored if they have stepped over the line?


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## joannacroc

Numb26 said:


> Why would anyone want that???


I don't know but we do see a lot of folks on here with issues getting their head around their partner's previous sexual partners and retroactive jealousy, I assume because they liked the person but then expect someone with experience turn into someone who has never been with anyone else before.


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## oldshirt

TexasMom1216 said:


> That can be done. They’d be happy to not have to make porn any more.


The problem is porn pays bills.

Virginity doesn’t.


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## oldshirt

Numb26 said:


> Why would anyone want that???


I don’t know. That’s why I’m amazed.


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## Numb26

joannacroc said:


> I don't know but we do see a lot of folks on here with issues getting their head around their partner's previous sexual partners and retroactive jealousy, I assume because they liked the person but then expect someone with experience turn into someone who has never been with anyone else before.


Maybe. But that makes no sense to me. Amount of previous partners has never been an issue for me.


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## ConanHub

oldshirt said:


> The problem is porn pays bills.
> 
> Virginity doesn’t.


All kinds of crime pays bills as well. LoL!


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## syhoybenden

There is some truth to all of these opinions, and some lack of reality as well.

It's strictly a personal thing.

Now as far as I am concerned, and mind you this is just me, were she to run out of fingers then she would also run out of me.


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## DownButNotOut

How many? That's up to the man not the woman. It's his standard we are talking about here and he's entitled to set his own preferences.

For me, I think it depends on what life stage we are talking about here? 

Young? First marriage to start a family? As few previous partners as possible. 
Middle age? Second or Third marriage? It doesn't matter as much.


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## Married but Happy

TexasMom1216 said:


> I too am amazed by the red pill guys who marry a virgin and expect her to turn porn star on the wedding night.


I've also heard (while living in the south) that a lover doesn't count unless it happened in a bed - NOT including truck beds. In that case, southern virginity is revisionist!


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## lifeistooshort

I've been with the right number, and that is the number bf doesn't know about 😅

Seriously, its been < 10 for me and only 3 in the last 25 years....my 2 husbands and my current bf. I don't know what his number is either but A. I don't care and B.i have reason to think its not that many. 

It's just not something we discuss because it doesn't matter. We're in the here and now and no good comes from discussing exes unless there's something that will affect your life now. He hasn't seen fit to ask so I haven't seen fit to volunteer.


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## CharlieParker

My wife's number was rather large (fully disclosed prior to marriage). I viewed it as a positive (and still do).


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## bobert

There is no right number. You can't please everyone and the "right number" is going to vary from person to person. 

When I started dating my wife she (falsely) told me that she had been with one guy. Even as a teenager that worried me because I assumed she'd want to have more "experiences" later on. 

If I divorced and for some crazy reason wanted to have another relationship, I'd probably still be hesitant about someone who had only been with one other guy. 

At the same time, I have no interest in the town bicycle. The "too many" number will vary as well though. For me the cap would probably be around 30.

I'm sure that's wrong but 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Tuscany

oldshirt said:


> Can someone’s sexual virtue be restored if they have stepped over the line?


 "Hymen Restoration" surgery! It averages $3000. Start saving, my ladies!


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## Diana7

It's not usually about having 'one too many' partners. That's just a weird thing to say. I doubt anyone would reject a woman if she had had 21 when your preference is 20 for example.

In the end it's being aware that what we do in life may have long term consequences, so we need to think about how we act.

It's also about finding the person who shares our views about sex and marriage etc.

So a person who has had multiple partners and thinks casual sex is fine isn't usually going to end up with someone who sees sex as being part of a loving committed relationship only, unless they lie about their past.


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## Diana7

Numb26 said:


> Maybe. But that makes no sense to me. Amount of previous partners has never been an issue for me.


It is for many others though, especially if they have been lied to.


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## Diana7

TexasMom1216 said:


> I too am amazed by the red pill guys who marry a virgin and expect her to turn porn star on the wedding night.


Some people who wait for sex do actually like it believe it or not.


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## Max.HeadRoom




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## Andy1001

Numb26 said:


> According to Douglas Adams the answer is 42. 😉


He had a galaxy to choose.


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## CharlieParker

To paraphrase Bill Clinton, that depends on the meaning of "been with". 

NSFW


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## ConanHub

Diana7 said:


> It's not usually about having 'one too many' partners. That's just a weird thing to say. I doubt anyone would reject a woman if she had had 21 when your preference is 20 for example.
> 
> In the end it's being aware that what we do in life may have long term consequences, so we need to think about how we act.
> 
> It's also about finding the person who shares our views about sex and marriage etc.
> 
> So a person who has had multiple partners and thinks casual sex is fine isn't usually going to end up with someone who sees sex as being part of a loving committed relationship only, unless they lie about their past.


I'm a man who doesn't care about a woman's past as long as it is solidly in the rear view.


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## Blondilocks

oldshirt said:


> So a follow up question is if some has been with 43 or 23.3 prior lovers, *is there a way they can get the overage expunged?*


If you're Roman Catholic, petition the Pope. The guy can make entire marriages appear to have never existed so surely he can offer a Popely dispensation for the right number of greenbacks. 

If you're a fan of L. Ron Hubbard, see Tom Cruise. That guy knows how to buy his way into Heaven so surely he knows how to make a few screws disappear.

But, if you're one of the average schmucks on the planet all you can do is throw yourself on the mercy of the court and promise to get to all of the judges in due time.


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## Andy1001

Is there any difference sexually speaking between a woman who had sex five times each with twenty men and a woman who had three boyfriends but had sex hundreds of times with each of them?


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## DownByTheRiver

I take advantage of the Senior Citizen Expungement. If they weren't memorable, I have already expunged them from my memory.


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## Julie's Husband

There are a number of factors. I am curious about my wife's past experiences as it tells me something about her and her adventure through life. For me the number is important only in how it shaped who she is.

She hasn't told me all and I will let her decide when and what to tell me. She just recently shared experiences in response to my trying to deal with my own past experiences. She knows my full short history.


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## Diana7

ConanHub said:


> I'm a man who doesn't care about a woman's past as long as it is solidly in the rear view.


Yes, we are all different aren't we.


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> I'm a man who doesn't care about a woman's past as long as it is solidly in the rear view.


Same as that. I couldn’t care less about the past as long as she’s loyal to me.


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## Numb26

Andy1001 said:


> Same as that. I couldn’t care less about the past as long as she’s loyal to me.


Besides, I want someone experienced. Too old to teach. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Chaotic

The original post was priceless, thanks OP. 

I want to know why we aren't discussing the "right" number of partners for a man to have. Do guys think women don't care? My number is fairly low, and frankly I'm grossed out and start losing interest if a guy's number is more than twice mine (which would still be fairly low). But I've only met a few guys who care what women think of their number.


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## Andy1001

Numb26 said:


> Besides, I want someone experienced. Too old to teach. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


The thing is that when I met my now wife she already had a son. She was concerned that I would think she had been promiscuous when she was younger because of that. 
If she had any idea about my “count” she’d have had a heart attack lol.


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## Numb26

Andy1001 said:


> The thing is that when I met my now wife she already had a son. She was concerned that I would think she had been promiscuous when she was younger because of that.
> If she had any idea about my “count” she’d have had a heart attack lol.


Since my D I haven't had anyone ask me my count.


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## TexasMom1216

The few times a man asked me for my “count,” I told him, and then didn’t accept when he asked me out again.


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## bobert

Chaotic said:


> The original post was priceless, thanks OP.
> 
> I want to know why we aren't discussing the "right" number of partners for a man to have. Do guys think women don't care? My number is fairly low, and frankly I'm grossed out and start losing interest if a guy's number is more than twice mine (which would still be fairly low). But I've only met a few guys who care what women think of their number.


I think some women care, and some don't. Just like some men care, and some don't. Whether it's a man or woman in question, there is no "right" number. 

I know my wife cares about it and she likes when guys have a really low number (like 1-2). She doesn't like what my number is and it's higher than hers but can't do much about it now.


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## Sfort

oldshirt said:


> So a follow up question is if some has been with 43 or 23.3 prior lovers, is there a way they can get the overage expunged?
> 
> Can that be brought down to an acceptable range in anyway?
> 
> Is there some kind of penance or community service that can done to cancel out some of those?
> 
> Will a self-imposed period of abstinence or exile tick the clock backwards?
> 
> Can someone’s sexual virtue be restored if they have stepped over the line?


The way that problem is often managed is with lying.


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## Diana7

Numb26 said:


> Besides, I want someone experienced. Too old to teach. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


You learn together.


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## Diana7

TexasMom1216 said:


> The few times a man asked me for my “count,” I told him, and then didn’t accept when he asked me out again.


For me honesty in all things is important. If I am serious about someone then nothing is off limits.


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## TexasMom1216

Diana7 said:


> For me honesty in all things is important. If I am serious about someone then nothing is off limits.


I told him the truth. Shared values are also important. I didn’t care about his number because I don’t think people “spoil.” Also, those questions are generally asked by insecure men who think there’s a “magic” number and don’t have any respect for women. I’m not a commodity.


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## DownButNotOut

Chaotic said:


> The original post was priceless, thanks OP.
> 
> I want to know why we aren't discussing the "right" number of partners for a man to have. Do guys think women don't care? My number is fairly low, and frankly I'm grossed out and start losing interest if a guy's number is more than twice mine (which would still be fairly low). But I've only met a few guys who care what women think of their number.


Ok. What number disqualifies a man as husband material?


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## Andy1001

TexasMom1216 said:


> I told him the truth. Shared values are also important. I didn’t care about his number because I don’t think people “spoil.” Also, those questions are generally asked by insecure men who think there’s a “magic” number and don’t have any respect for women. I’m not a commodity.


Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


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## oldshirt

DownButNotOut said:


> Ok. What number disqualifies a man as husband material?


less than his potential GF/Wife, and more than her sluttiest girlfriend. 

His range has to fall in between her number and her sluttiest girlfriend's number.


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## DownByTheRiver

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


Exactly and there's a direct correlation.


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## TexasMom1216

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


Being worried about being compared means insecurity and a the view that women are a thing that men use.


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## harperlee

oldshirt said:


> less than his potential GF/Wife, and more than her sluttiest girlfriend.
> 
> His range has to fall in between her number and her sluttiest girlfriend's number.


What a strange response; there are so many assumptions, as though every person lives their lives in a similar manner to yourself.
To answer the post, I have only been with men who valued the fact that I never had a 'wild' sexual phase. Never tried women, never thought it would be fun to have a one night stand or any of the other misogynist/porn induced sweeping assumptions that some men make regarding women.
I have never been attracted to a man who was promiscuous. Yuck.


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## Casual Observer

oldshirt said:


> Women seem to be getting a bad rap lately due to their prior sexual histories.
> 
> For women it seems they are in kind of a damned if they do and damned if they don’t no-win scenario.
> 
> If they have been with one person to many, they are deemed unworthy of marriage/LTR and are not considered relationship material.
> 
> Many of the current crop of Red Pill gurus go so far as to say if a woman has been with more than say a handful of people in her lifetime that she is not only unworthy on the basis of lost virtue but that she is now DAMAGED and INCAPABLE of forming and maintaining a healthy bond with a man.
> 
> Yikes!! 😱
> 
> HOWEVER, if she hasn’t been with ENOUGH, then she is at risk of wanting to make up for her list days of fun and passion that she missed out on earlier and she will go off the rails and run amok in the streets devastating her devoted and faithful husband and family.
> 
> Double yikes! 😳
> 
> So the million dollar question of course is how many people does a woman have to be with before she is an eligible mate? 1? 2? 5? 10? 27.84?
> 
> How many is enough? How many is too many?
> 
> Equally perplexing is how wide is this strike zone?
> 
> Does it have to be the exact number or is there an acceptable range?
> 
> Additionally does it have to be full PIV encounters and only PIV counts or is it a point system or some kind of sliding scale where blow jobs and fingering banging can accrue the needed credentials??
> 
> Does a one-time drunken hook up at a frat party or the bathroom of a bar count or does it have to be a sober, conscious effort?
> 
> And then how do we document and verify this on one’s resume? Do we need to call for references and verifications?
> 
> Are there waivers and grace periods for those that may be 1 or 2 short or is it an absolute requirement to where they will have to go check off those criteria and then come back with the required documentation?
> 
> Can there be a forgiveness program for those with extenuating circumstances that caused them to go over the limit through no fault of their own?
> 
> This is all so confusing.
> 
> Can someone please tell me what the appropriate number or range is? As a guy I don’t want to make a mistake and have someone else’s past burn me from back before I even knew they existed.
> 
> I mean good Lord, think of what could happen to me as a grown adult man if some woman has been with 5 prior people when she was supposed to stop at 4???
> 
> Will it be even worse if she is supposed to be with at least 3 but has only made it to 2??
> 
> If I meet such a person, do I need to send her up to the bar or direct her to Tinder until she can check off her final requirements? I don’t want to be devastated because someone is out of their necessary quota before I even meet them.
> 
> So what do we do???
> What are the answers?? What’s the solution?
> 
> I don’t have all the answers but I want to help.
> 
> I’m not sure what can be done if someone has gone over quota. I guess they’ll have to go work at the strip club and make porn.
> 
> But ladies, if you have reached the required quota yet - I CAN help!
> 
> If you haven’t achieved the necessary experience level yet, contact me and together we can get your resume updated and get you the required credentialing to make you a proper mate and marriage material! 😃
> 
> It’s the least I can do.


It depends almost entirely upon the woman. How it has or hasn't affected her. You can make sweeping generalities, but most women can survive sexual encounters prior to marriage withing being scarred by them. But there are some who, because of how they were brought up, NOT BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG TO ANYONE ELSE BUT THEMSELVES, have issues because they have to live down their own expectations. I don't think we give enough time to this situation. We judge based on the norm, or what should be, and discredit the individual's own code of ethics in terms of how things later play out.


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## oldshirt

harperlee said:


> What a strange response; there are so many assumptions, as though every person lives their lives in a similar manner to yourself.
> To answer the post, I have only been with men who valued the fact that I never had a 'wild' sexual phase. Never tried women, never thought it would be fun to have a one night stand or any of the other misogynist/porn induced sweeping assumptions that some men make regarding women.
> I have never been attracted to a man who was promiscuous. Yuck.


My response was of course tongue-in-cheek and sarcasm and not to be taken as a literal answer to how many women a man should be with.


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## DownByTheRiver

Casual Observer said:


> It depends almost entirely upon the woman. How it has or hasn't affected her. You can make sweeping generalities, but most women can survive sexual encounters prior to marriage withing being scarred by them. But there are some who, because of how they were brought up, NOT BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG TO ANYONE ELSE BUT THEMSELVES, have issues because they have to live down their own expectations. I don't think we give enough time to this situation. We judge based on the norm, or what should be, and discredit the individual's own code of ethics in terms of how things later play out.


I have never known a woman or a man who was sweating it over their sexual history, but maybe that's my generation.


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## CharlieParker

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


Occasionally I will tease my wife about my size. Given her number the law of averages dictates I'm not her biggest nor her smallest. She won't engage, sigh.


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## oldshirt

Chaotic said:


> But I've only met a few guys who care what women think of their number.


I think one of the reasons men don't care what women think of their number is because women don't generally care what a man's number is. 

If women started losing their sht and blowing gaskets over men's numbers the way men lose their sht over women's number, men would start paying more attention to it. 

It men started being disparaged and trashed and rejected and dumped and treated like trash based on their sexual histories like women are, men would start taking their own histories more seriously. 

But as it is, men's sexual history really has no impact or relevance. It just doesn't matter. 

Oh sure, some church ladies will say that they want a man with virtue and values, but do they really bother to ask and if they do ask, do they actually terminate the relationship or walk away based on that number in real world practice? 

In fact I am willing to bet that not a single woman on the planet has dated a man steadily and been in love and when he gets down on bent knee with ring in hand asking for her hand in marriage and right before she says yes, she stops and asks how many women he's fckd and then turns him down and terminates the relationship after finding out his number. I bet that has never happened one in the history of the human race on this planet. 

Do women have a theoretical preference on a man's history on a conceptual basis. Of course. But in real world practice, very few women will actually dissolve a potentially good relationship based solely on a man's prior number.


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## ConanHub

LoL! I guess I don't get the "guys" that ask about it.

I've only ever been interested in who she was when we met.

I've got pretty high standards, despite my background, so any woman measuring up is definitely worth my attention.

I could care less about the past, I'm far more interested in what she is doing to keep me interested.😉


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## harperlee

I don't know, it's funny that this is the only kind of thread that suddenly no person is judged by their past.
When getting to know a person in dating, past behavior is the best indicator of future.
Who asks a person their 'number'? I've always got to know a person and them me, these things are sussed organically.


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## oldshirt

oldshirt said:


> I think one of the reasons men don't care what women think of their number is because women don't generally care what a man's number is.
> .


The TLDR version of this is a man's prior number is typically not qualification/disqualification criteria for women or any kind of deal maker/deal breaker so for men their number doesn't have much relevance either way. 

If a men were to be accepted or rejected based on their sexual history, their sexual history would become a big deal to them and they would take it very seriously.


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## harperlee

oldshirt said:


> The TLDR version of this is a man's prior number is typically not qualification/disqualification criteria for women or any kind of deal maker/deal breaker so for men their number doesn't have much relevance either way.
> 
> If a men were to be accepted or rejected based on their sexual history, their sexual history would become a big deal to them and they would take it very seriously.


That's your opinion though. It's your bubble, your perspective. The company a person keeps, the social circle a person runs in may skew a person's opinion on any topic.
There are lot's of women who care and...they only date or pay attention to the men who feel the same.


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## DownByTheRiver

CharlieParker said:


> Occasionally I will tease my wife about my size. Given her number the law of averages dictates I'm not her biggest nor her smallest. She won't engage, sigh.


She's no dummy.


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## Sfort

CharlieParker said:


> Occasionally I will tease my wife about my size.


Why do you do that? What outcome would you like or expect (other than what you're already getting?)


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## CharlieParker

Sfort said:


> Why do you do that? What outcome would you like or expect (other than what you're already getting?)


Lighten up, Francis. It's all in good fun. If we were not able to laugh, often, one of us would have committed homicide by now.


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## oldshirt

harperlee said:


> That's your opinion though. It's your bubble, your perspective. The company a person keeps, the social circle a person runs in may skew a person's opinion on any topic.
> There are lot's of women who care and...they only date or pay attention to the men who feel the same.


Yeah I get that and I said that everyone has their preferences.

But what I was actually addressing was why men are typically not as concerned about their prior history and the reason they are not as concerned is because are not choosing or rejecting them based on their number. 

I doubt if most women even bother to ask what a guy’s actual count is. It’s typically not a selection/rejection criteria for them. 

People can talk about shared values and beliefs and such, but when it comes down to actual acceptance/rejection, a guy’s number typically doesn’t factor into a woman’s decision.


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## harperlee

At this point I feel redundant, there is a deeply ingrained belief that you keep reiterating. You don't know most women.
To be fair, neither do I but I am a woman and also have/had candid conversations with other women over the course of my life so far. You are mansplaining.
It doesn't really matter to me if you are convinced that most women would marry a promiscuous man. I do not agree. As I said, the company you keep will provide confirmation bias. It's up to the individual to recognize the multitude of lifestyles on earth and make an effort to not get lost down rabbit holes.


----------



## Enigma32

Chaotic said:


> I want to know why we aren't discussing the "right" number of partners for a man to have. Do guys think women don't care? My number is fairly low, and frankly I'm grossed out and start losing interest if a guy's number is more than twice mine (which would still be fairly low). But I've only met a few guys who care what women think of their number.


Gonna do some generalizing here, but this is all based on my experience and observations.

In my experience as a man, no woman has asked my number or cared about it after I hit my 20's. From what I have observed, most ladies want a man that has certain traits when dealing with women, charm, skills in the bedroom, and confidence, and those things will almost always come from being experienced with women. Ladies don't want to be reminded of a man's experience, but they want him to have all the things that a lot of experience brings. Also in my experience, ladies have been far more judgemental about the type of women a man has been with more than they are the number. Ladies seem more turned off by a guy that hooks up with 1 "bad" woman vs 100 hot ones. 

I think a big part of the whole sex number game that people don't mention is that (in my experience anyway) there are many poor behaviors that correlate with people that have higher numbers. Poor boundaries, attention seeking behavior, having a lot of opposite sex friends, oversharing, etc.


----------



## Beach123

Why aren’t people asking about how many partners men have had?

honestly, why would it matter? People have partners when they feel sex is a healthy part of life.

and who cares? It shouldn’t matter. And jealousy is stupid. Especially when assessing someone’s past. That’s the past.


----------



## In Absentia

Beach123 said:


> Why aren’t people asking about how many partners men have had?


Since you are asking...  I've had 5 relationships before I met my wife at 22.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Numb26 said:


> Why would anyone want that???


Because porn start continue sleeping with other partners. It is who they are. Not good unless you are down for open marriage.


----------



## RandomDude

Makes no difference to me 0 or 1000.
I've experienced both and it never determined how good a lover a woman is. 

To be honest this whole thing is quite silly.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Married but Happy said:


> I've also heard (while living in the south) that a lover doesn't count unless it happened in a bed - NOT including truck beds. In that case, southern virginity is revisionist!


Lived in south 50 yrs and that is a 1st.


----------



## RandomDude

Max.HeadRoom said:


>


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> Makes no difference to me 0 or 1000.


I think a 1,000 would bother me a little bit...


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> I think a 1,000 would bother me a little bit...


Yeah I'd imagine it would bother most people.

I think the main reason it doesn't bother me is because I'm a man with a 'past', and naturally I find it harder to judge a person for their past a result.


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'd imagine it would bother most people.
> 
> I think the main reason it doesn't bother me is because I'm a man with a 'past', and naturally I find it harder to judge a person for their past a result.


You slept with 1,000 women?


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> You slept with 1,000 women?


No, I'm not that lucky!


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> No, I'm not that lucky!


Shame...


----------



## DownButNotOut

Beach123 said:


> Why aren’t people asking about how many partners men have had?
> 
> honestly, why would it matter? People have partners when they feel sex is a healthy part of life.
> 
> and who cares? It shouldn’t matter. And jealousy is stupid. Especially when assessing someone’s past. That’s the past.


You just answered your own question. It doesn't matter to you, so you aren't asking.

But for many men, especially men looking to start a family, it does matter.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Andy1001 said:


> Is there any difference sexually speaking between a woman who had sex five times each with twenty men and a woman who had three boyfriends but had sex hundreds of times with each of them?


Yep


----------



## Divinely Favored

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


I think that is part of the statistics that the more prior partners a woman has had, the less satisfied she is with her marriage. This guy was better at that, why don't you do this like that guy did. Maybe...maybe not. It would answer the study.


----------



## Divinely Favored

oldshirt said:


> I think one of the reasons men don't care what women think of their number is because women don't generally care what a man's number is.
> 
> If women started losing their sht and blowing gaskets over men's numbers the way men lose their sht over women's number, men would start paying more attention to it.
> 
> It men started being disparaged and trashed and rejected and dumped and treated like trash based on their sexual histories like women are, men would start taking their own histories more seriously.
> 
> But as it is, men's sexual history really has no impact or relevance. It just doesn't matter.
> 
> Oh sure, some church ladies will say that they want a man with virtue and values, but do they really bother to ask and if they do ask, do they actually terminate the relationship or walk away based on that number in real world practice?
> 
> In fact I am willing to bet that not a single woman on the planet has dated a man steadily and been in love and when he gets down on bent knee with ring in hand asking for her hand in marriage and right before she says yes, she stops and asks how many women he's fckd and then turns him down and terminates the relationship after finding out his number. I bet that has never happened one in the history of the human race on this planet.
> 
> Do women have a theoretical preference on a man's history on a conceptual basis. Of course. But in real world practice, very few women will actually dissolve a potentially good relationship based solely on a man's prior number.


Most women chase the "bad boy" "popular guy" what ever. So those gals are definitely not worried about guys number...or they would be going for the nice and decent guys..not the pump and dump bad boys.


----------



## ccpowerslave

ConanHub said:


> I could care less about the past, I'm far more interested in what she is doing to keep me interested.😉


This.

Because if the lady in question is high quality then despite whatever past may exist the number could be one going forward.


----------



## DownButNotOut

ccpowerslave said:


> This.
> 
> Because if the lady in question is high quality then despite whatever past may exist the number could be one going forward.


If the lady is high quality, her number won't matter because it is small.


----------



## In Absentia

Come on.. a "high quality lady"? They are not a car...


----------



## Livvie

oldshirt said:


> I think one of the reasons men don't care what women think of their number is because women don't generally care what a man's number is.
> 
> If women started losing their sht and blowing gaskets over men's numbers the way men lose their sht over women's number, men would start paying more attention to it.
> 
> It men started being disparaged and trashed and rejected and dumped and treated like trash based on their sexual histories like women are, men would start taking their own histories more seriously.
> 
> But as it is, men's sexual history really has no impact or relevance. It just doesn't matter.
> 
> Oh sure, some church ladies will say that they want a man with virtue and values, but do they really bother to ask and if they do ask, do they actually terminate the relationship or walk away based on that number in real world practice?
> 
> In fact I am willing to bet that not a single woman on the planet has dated a man steadily and been in love and when he gets down on bent knee with ring in hand asking for her hand in marriage and right before she says yes, she stops and asks how many women he's fckd and then turns him down and terminates the relationship after finding out his number. I bet that has never happened one in the history of the human race on this planet.
> 
> Do women have a theoretical preference on a man's history on a conceptual basis. Of course. But in real world practice, very few women will actually dissolve a potentially good relationship based solely on a man's prior number.


I care.

There was a guy in college, he was 21. He was renowned around campus for being a ****. He had, at 21, already slept with over a hundred women. 

I find that really gross, and would not have gone near him with a ten foot pole.

I find it gross from both a biological standpoint (think of all of the mouths and vaginas he'd been exposed to, ick) and a psychological standpoint, sex must be just a physical act same as peeing and pooping or masturbating to him, if you know what I mean. 

One night after hours at the local pizza place he approached me and told me I was gonna be his number 101 and I replied something along the lines of I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and he HIT me in the face, right there in public, so hard I lost one of my earrings (I have pierced ears). 

Asshole and I bet his **** has fallen off from disease by now, decades later.


----------



## Blondilocks

CharlieParker said:


> Lighten up, Francis. It's all in good fun. If we were not able to laugh, often, one of us would have committed homicide by now.


This is the secret to a long marriage - not killing the other. If laughter gets you there, go for it with gusto.


----------



## ccpowerslave

In Absentia said:


> Come on.. a "high quality lady"? They are not a car...


😉


----------



## RebuildingMe

I don’t know the number of partners my current gf had. She’s never asked mine. Since she was 18 when she lost her virginity and was married for 20, my guess it’s on the lower side. I don’t judge faithfulness by her past notch count. I judge her on her current actions, as she does with me. There’s a variety of ways to see red flags. Going back into someone’s 20-30 year sex history is the least accurate method, in my personal opinion.


----------



## DownButNotOut

RebuildingMe said:


> Going back into someone’s 20-30 year sex history is the least accurate method, in my personal opinion.


Different life phases, different rules.


----------



## oldshirt

Livvie said:


> I care.
> 
> There was a guy in college, he was 21. He was renowned around campus for being a ****. He had, at 21, already slept with over a hundred women.
> 
> I find that really gross, and would not have gone near him with a ten foot pole.
> 
> I find it gross from both a biological standpoint (think of all of the mouths and vaginas he'd been exposed to, ick) and a psychological standpoint, sex must be just a physical act same as peeing and pooping or masturbating to him, if you know what I mean.
> 
> One night after hours at the local pizza place he approached me and told me I was gonna be his number 101 and I replied something along the lines of I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and he HIT me in the face, right there in public, so hard I lost one of my earrings (I have pierced ears).
> 
> Asshole and I bet his **** has fallen off from disease by now, decades later.


Yikes!! 

It's doubtful if many of those encounters were actually consensual.


----------



## Anastasia6

oldshirt said:


> Yeah I get that and I said that everyone has their preferences.
> 
> But what I was actually addressing was why men are typically not as concerned about their prior history and the reason they are not as concerned is because are not choosing or rejecting them based on their number.
> 
> I doubt if most women even bother to ask what a guy’s actual count is. It’s typically not a selection/rejection criteria for them.
> 
> People can talk about shared values and beliefs and such, but when it comes down to actual acceptance/rejection, a guy’s number typically doesn’t factor into a woman’s decision.


I don't think that is true. I think women just tend to weed out earlier. Men want to weed out the town bicycle after they've had their turn so to speak. Women weed them out at 'Hey baby'. Many of us with any life experience can tell if a guy is a player. Many can't and they think they are in a relationship after sex, only to find out that they didn't qualify for a relationship. They weren't relationship material but they were sex material.....

Doesn't take too many of those for women to start weeding out the guys who are after sex... Those guys are the ones with high body counts. I know I weeded out many many guys in my dating time. Some due to their body counts, some just lack of personality and so forth but sexual experiences and expectations certainly played a part. Since I was size D in 9th grade with an hour glass figure I was getting hit on starting in middle school. You have to get good at the weeding.

Fortunately I did eventually find my husband whom I enjoy sex with but also doesn't have a high count.

ETA: I also don't ask body count (really who does). However most you can tell by their demeaner and any length of relationship will talk about past experiences in a more organic manner.

I expect that just as women fudge their number that men leave off talking about 1 night stands as well. I don't think I've ever had a guy tell me yea I've pumped and dumped 5 chicks. I don't think I've ever had a guy admit to casual sex. So women aren't the only ones misleading about their count I think.


----------



## Married but Happy

Divinely Favored said:


> Lived in south 50 yrs and that is a 1st.


It's from the book "Southern Ladies and Gentlemen" by Florence King, recommended to me by my very southern friend and librarian where I lived at the time.


----------



## Anastasia6

Married but Happy said:


> It's from the book "Southern Ladies and Gentlemen" by Florence King, recommended to me by my very southern friend and librarian where I lived at the time.


Which is interesting as I have also lived in the south my entire life and never heard this doesn't count thing. Only thing I've her is like BJ's and hand jobs don't count and I heard a reference to anal not counting once. The ways around 'counting' I think exist everywhere teenagers exist.


----------



## RandomDude

Livvie said:


> One night after hours at the local pizza place he approached me and told me I was gonna be his number 101 and I replied something along the lines of I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and he HIT me in the face, right there in public, so hard I lost one of my earrings (I have pierced ears).
> 
> Asshole and I bet his **** has fallen off from disease by now, decades later.


Wtf?! 😡

Sick fk is probably shot or knifed in between his ribs by now, hope it was slow and painful


----------



## lifeistooshort

Livvie said:


> I care.
> 
> There was a guy in college, he was 21. He was renowned around campus for being a ****. He had, at 21, already slept with over a hundred women.
> 
> I find that really gross, and would not have gone near him with a ten foot pole.
> 
> I find it gross from both a biological standpoint (think of all of the mouths and vaginas he'd been exposed to, ick) and a psychological standpoint, sex must be just a physical act same as peeing and pooping or masturbating to him, if you know what I mean.
> 
> One night after hours at the local pizza place he approached me and told me I was gonna be his number 101 and I replied something along the lines of I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and he HIT me in the face, right there in public, so hard I lost one of my earrings (I have pierced ears).
> 
> Asshole and I bet his **** has fallen off from disease by now, decades later.


Right? Because it's such a high compliment that a guy who sticks it in anything will stick it in you too 😅

Gross 🤮


----------



## RandomDude

This thread is so judgy, and I'm supposed to be the judgy one 😐

I mean a guys body count could be just that he is unlucky in love, same with a woman's

Oh well to each their own, less competition if guys can't handle a hot woman with high body count anyway 😋


----------



## RandomDude

lifeistooshort said:


> Right? Because it's such a high compliment that a guy who sticks it in anything will stick it in you too 😅
> 
> Gross 🤮


He sounds like a rapist not a stud


----------



## frenchpaddy

i have slept with one woman 1000s of times does that make a difference ,


----------



## frenchpaddy

RandomDude said:


> He sounds like a rapist not a stud


i would expect he had a number and multiplied it by 10 because if he was a womans man he would be a lot better in his seduction


----------



## RandomDude

frenchpaddy said:


> i would expect he had a number and multiplied it by 10 because if he was a womans man he would be a lot better in his seduction


Yeah and the real number were the ones he probably raped, speaking of which how was he not expelled from the college? @Livvie

It goes on more than expected, one of my exs friend's bf I met later turned out to have raped another woman in his school who later came out on social media about it, and he admitted it. He always came across as someone who thought he was top sh-t.

However she was silenced by our pathetic "gag" laws. I was disgusted to have made his acquaintance and only hope he got what was coming to him. At the very least he got expelled.


----------



## lifeistooshort

frenchpaddy said:


> i would expect he had a number and multiplied it by 10 because if he was a womans man he would be a lot better in his seduction


That's a good point. .."you're going to **** me" isn't going to win over many women 😅

Or maybe he just hired most of what he got?


----------



## ConanHub

Livvie said:


> I care.
> 
> There was a guy in college, he was 21. He was renowned around campus for being a ****. He had, at 21, already slept with over a hundred women.
> 
> 
> 
> he HIT me in the face, right there in public, so hard I lost one of my earrings (I have pierced ears).


It seems he was a rapist so maybe his numbers don't count that much anyway.

Did anyone do anything?

😡😡😡😡😡


----------



## frenchpaddy

I saw someone was calming 1 in every 2 women are raped at some point in their life , if it is true it makes you think how many husbands, brothers, fathers, friends, and collage mates are guilty of rape , bet most look normal what ever normal is


----------



## oldshirt

RandomDude said:


> He sounds like a rapist not a stud


My thoughts exactly. How many of those were passed out drunk or otherwise coerced. 




frenchpaddy said:


> i would expect he had a number and multiplied it by 10 because if he was a womans man he would be a lot better in his seduction


Yeah the dude was obviously not a smooth operator (the song is stuck in my head now) so I imagine most of the girls were passed out drunk, coerced or basically molested and then he ran out the backdoor before the girls even knew what was going on. 

I get that many women are going to avoid guys like that like the plague as they should. 

But I think there is a difference between avoiding/rejecting someone because they are a shtty human being vs because of some number on their bedpost.


----------



## Busy Washing My Hair

oldshirt said:


> My thoughts exactly. How many of those were passed out drunk or otherwise coerced.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah the dude was obviously not a smooth operator (the song is stuck in my head now) so I imagine most of the girls were passed out drunk, coerced or basically molested and then he ran out the backdoor before the girls even knew what was going on.
> 
> I get that many women are going to avoid guys like that like the plague as they should.
> 
> But I think there is a difference between avoiding/rejecting someone because they are a shtty human being vs because of some number on their bedpost.


Could it be argued that once somebody nears 100 sexual partners, especially in a relatively short period of time, that this does reflect on their overall character, personality, and values? Even if they aren’t a **** human being, they are probably a very different type of person all together than somebody who has had 2 partners, no? So in some cases it may not be actual number count but a coincidence that a person with a very high count does not possess the certain qualities that another individual may be looking for in a mate and possibly likewise for somebody with a very low number in some cases.


----------



## lifeistooshort

I don't care for guys with a lot of notches. It makes me feel like one in a long line and ms right now.

But I might be ok with it if he was at a different point in life and his values had changed. I'd have to be convinced it was firmly in his rear view mirror and that i was actually special to him.


----------



## Livvie

ConanHub said:


> It seems he was a rapist so maybe his numbers don't count that much anyway.
> 
> Did anyone do anything?
> 
> 😡😡😡😡😡


No they didn't. Bunch of college kids after the bars closed. No one was going to do anything.


----------



## Beach123

Any guy making a conclusion on how many men for me - would be making judgment- conclusions…and that doesn’t work for me.

whatever I have done is mine. I can’t change my past nor would I want to. Any input he may give would be judging me - hmmm, make me think that personal info is best kept as my own info.

if I have had one or a hundred - what difference would it make? I had enough partners before marriage that I never thought of cheating while married 27 years. That’s my truth. I think my experience is useful for me.


----------



## Blondilocks

Livvie said:


> No they didn't. Bunch of college kids after the bars closed. No one was going to do anything.


The bastard had to sleep some time. Just sayin'. Don't ever let this type of behavior go unpunished.


----------



## Julie's Husband

I think a really high count for a man doesn't mean much of anything other than he has met a lot of like minded women or selects women who accept being dominated for one reason or another.

I am very straight laced and my mind was just completely boggled when I was hit on by aggressive women who would obviously suit our high number man. I just could not understand that there were women who just wanted to have hook ups. But there are.

I guess if a quiet, nerdy type like myself can run into from 4 to 6 of these women (not sure of two of them as I put the brakes on) then someone on the hunt should have no problems finding 100 or so.


----------



## sokillme

It's not about the amount of partners it's about how both men and women feel about sex. If sex is a tool to be used to judge one's self worth or value, or as a way to barter for attention, even love, then i would be very weary. This is a prominent feature in hookup culture and a big red flag to me. I don't think this way of thinking translates well into long term marriage where there is an expectation of fidelity, for either gender. I don't think it's healthy. 

I have to say though that a high number of partners depending on age is a pretty good tell if this is the way they think and would be a red flag to me.

Sex is fun but I think it's true purpose besides reproduction is to create intimacy at least long term. I don't think it works like a coffee date despite how some folks treat it, and I would back that up by saying even swingers and open marriage fail. Even the most ardent people in these lifestyles who profess to thinking of sex as a very casual thing, just as often end up feeling betrayed over it eventually. 

If my wife went and got coffee with one of her girlfriends and didn't tell me I wouldn't feel betrayed.


----------



## ConanHub

Livvie said:


> No they didn't. Bunch of college kids after the bars closed. No one was going to do anything.


Sorry no men were around and sorry you were attacked. He was a rapist in my opinion.


----------



## Diana7

TexasMom1216 said:


> I told him the truth. Shared values are also important. I didn’t care about his number because I don’t think people “spoil.” Also, those questions are generally asked by insecure men who think there’s a “magic” number and don’t have any respect for women. I’m not a commodity.


I disagree with most of your points. A couple in love hoping to marry should be able to ask each other anything. There should be no secrets and nothing hidden. It's nothing to do with insecurity, it's about sharing and openess. 
Talking about past sex lives should be the same as talking about anything else in the past.


----------



## Diana7

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Could it be argued that once somebody nears 100 sexual partners, especially in a relatively short period of time, that this does reflect on their overall character, personality, and values? Even if they aren’t a **** human being, they are probably a very different type of person all together than somebody who has had 2 partners, no? So in some cases it may not be actual number count but a coincidence that a person with a very high count does not possess the certain qualities that another individual may be looking for in a mate and possibly likewise for somebody with a very low number in some cases.


It would certainly show that their views on sex and relationships is completely different.


----------



## TexasMom1216

Diana7 said:


> I disagree with most of your points. A couple in love hoping to marry should be able to ask each other anything. There should be no secrets and nothing hidden. It's nothing to do with insecurity, it's about sharing and openess.
> Talking about past sex lives should be the same as talking about anything else in the past.


To be fair, we disagree on the basic nature of marriage. So it makes sense we would disagree on this. If he’s asking me this, IMO he doesn’t “love” me. He sees me as prospective employee, not a life partner and certainly not a friend. But there are all different people and it’s fine to have different standards. If he is allowed standards, I should be too, and demanding a number and/or list of names as a qualifier is someone with values incompatible to mine.

I usually paid for dinner after a question like that. I didn’t want to be accused of “leading him on” and that kind of man usually expects to be “reimbursed” if he buys anything for me.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> This thread is so judgy, and I'm supposed to be the judgy one 😐


I am disappointed.

WRT Livvie’s situation, that man should have had an immediate attitude correction. I never saw anything like that in college and usually if I was at a bar or out I would be rolling with my people and we would not tolerate something like that, especially with another student.

I think one time at south side LaVals pizza (now closed) was a cheap pizza and bar and a guy started yelling at maybe his girlfriend or something. I was there with a couple guys and I yelled at him hey STFU. He looked at us and shut up. What is it about pizza?

Nowadays you never know if someone is shooty or stabby.


----------



## oldshirt

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Could it be argued that once somebody nears 100 sexual partners, especially in a relatively short period of time, that this does reflect on their overall character, personality, and values? Even if they aren’t a **** human being, they are probably a very different type of person all together than somebody who has had 2 partners, no? So in some cases it may not be actual number count but a coincidence that a person with a very high count does not possess the certain qualities that another individual may be looking for in a mate and possibly likewise for somebody with a very low number in some cases.


Yeah I think using examples of the extremes isn't all that helpful. If someone has been with hundreds, that is a form of lifestyle choice and embracing a lifestyle that is different than someone believing in abstinence until marriage followed by lifelong monogamy. 

Those two people are likely not going to try to get together in the first place for a long list of reasons that aren't even all about the numbers. 

Someone who has been with 100 or more and a 40 year old virgin are likely not even going to meet each other as both of those are at the extreme ends of the spectrum and their paths will likely never cross.

Where I think the discussion and debate lies is within the realm of commonality and reasonability, but where there are those that are still saying it is too many or too few. 

For example, quite a few of the main Red Pill gurus are currently saying that a woman that has had 5 or more sex partners in her life is damaged goods and no longer CAPABLE of bonding to the degree of being able to sustain within a long term monogamous marriage. 

Conversely we also have people saying that if a woman hasn't been with *enough* prior lovers, that she too will be unable to sustain a long term relationship without eventually going off the rails and taking to the streets looking for schlong. 

I think the discussion and debate should be in that somewhat "normal" zone. 

Someone who has been with 100 has a different set of beliefs and values and lifestyle than than someone who has been with a high school sweetheart and a college sweetheart. That is self apparent. 

But real debate is whether the woman who has been with 6 by the time she reaches 30 a high risk and no longer a viable candidate for a relationship or has her ability to bond been damaged more than a woman who has been with 4 by the same age?

Is a 24 year old graduating from a major university but has only had a high school sweetheart and then a college BF who decided to move overseas without her, now going to have to get with a couple more guys in order to be viable mate material so she doesn't run amok at the age of 40 because she hasn't been with enough?


----------



## Diana7

TexasMom1216 said:


> To be fair, we disagree on the basic nature of marriage. So it makes sense we would disagree on this. If he’s asking me this, IMO he doesn’t “love” me. He sees me as prospective employee, not a life partner and certainly not a friend. But there are all different people and it’s fine to have different standards. If he is allowed standards, I should be too, and demanding a number and/or list of names as a qualifier is someone with values incompatible to mine.
> 
> I usually paid for dinner after a question like that. I didn’t want to be accused of “leading him on” and that kind of man usually expects to be “reimbursed” if he buys anything for me.


Not sure we disagree on the basic nature of marriage but there you go. 
For me it's never a case of 'demanding' anything. It's all part of sharing and getting to know each other. Talking about the past, families, friends, interests, opinions, politics, faith, sex, it's just an opening up to each other.
I have never kept anything from Mr D, why should I. 

If a man refused to talk about past relationships then he isn't the guy for me. I am a very honest and open person and would never be with a guy who was secretive.


----------



## Julie's Husband

oldshirt said:


> But real debate is whether the woman who has been with 6 by the time she reaches 30 a high risk and no longer a viable candidate for a relationship or has her ability to bond been damaged more than a woman who has been with 4 by the same age?
> 
> Is a 24 year old graduating from a major university but has only had a high school sweetheart and then a college BF who decided to move overseas without her, now going to have to get with a couple more guys in order to be viable mate material so she doesn't run amok at the age of 40 because she hasn't been with enough?


"No" to all the above. People are individuals and respond in individual ways. I do think that folks need to have enough life experience to know where they are going and be able to tell folks who set standards to "shove it".


----------



## TexasMom1216

Diana7 said:


> Not sure we disagree on the basic nature of marriage but there you go.
> For me it's never a case of 'demanding' anything. It's all part of sharing and getting to know each other. Talking about the past, families, friends, interests, opinions, politics, faith, sex, it's just an opening up to each other.
> I have never kept anything from Mr D, why should I.
> 
> If a man refused to talk about past relationships then he isn't the guy for me. I am a very honest and open person and would never be with a guy who was secretive.


It’s less about a man being secretive (or me for that matter) and more about a man demanding a resume to see if I “qualify.”

I always did, but he didn’t.


----------



## DownButNotOut

oldshirt said:


> Yeah I think using examples of the extremes isn't all that helpful. If someone has been with hundreds, that is a form of lifestyle choice and embracing a lifestyle that is different than someone believing in abstinence until marriage followed by lifelong monogamy.
> 
> Those two people are likely not going to try to get together in the first place for a long list of reasons that aren't even all about the numbers.
> 
> Someone who has been with 100 or more and a 40 year old virgin are likely not even going to meet each other as both of those are at the extreme ends of the spectrum and their paths will likely never cross.
> 
> Where I think the discussion and debate lies is within the realm of commonality and reasonability, but where there are those that are still saying it is too many or too few.
> 
> For example, quite a few of the main Red Pill gurus are currently saying that a woman that has had 5 or more sex partners in her life is damaged goods and no longer CAPABLE of bonding to the degree of being able to sustain within a long term monogamous marriage.
> 
> Conversely we also have people saying that if a woman hasn't been with *enough* prior lovers, that she too will be unable to sustain a long term relationship without eventually going off the rails and taking to the streets looking for schlong.
> 
> I think the discussion and debate should be in that somewhat "normal" zone.
> 
> Someone who has been with 100 has a different set of beliefs and values and lifestyle than than someone who has been with a high school sweetheart and a college sweetheart. That is self apparent.
> 
> But real debate is whether the woman who has been with 6 by the time she reaches 30 a high risk and no longer a viable candidate for a relationship or has her ability to bond been damaged more than a woman who has been with 4 by the same age?
> 
> Is a 24 year old graduating from a major university but has only had a high school sweetheart and then a college BF who decided to move overseas without her, now going to have to get with a couple more guys in order to be viable mate material so she doesn't run amok at the age of 40 because she hasn't been with enough?


That's where research comes in, and also where RedPill get's their magic 5 number.

A researcher at University of Utah did a multi-decade study of how divorce rates after five years of marriage correlated with prior sexual partners. Since 2000, they found that women with 10+ prior sexual partners divorced at a rate of 33% after five years. The highest in the study. 4-5 partners was around 25%. The lowest divorce rate was among virgins at marriage of 6%. It might be counterintuitive but the second highest divorce rate was for women with 2 prior sexual partners. The study did not include men.

A separate study looked at prior sexual partners and marital happiness. It showed a correlation in the two with women, with more sexual partners correlated with a lower married happiness. That correlation was not present with the men in the study. For women, the highest odds of describing being "very happy" in their marriage was with women whose only sexual partner was their husband. The lowest odds of being "very happy" was for women with 6-10 prior partners. Hence that magic number of 5 in the Red Pill community. And again, the number of prior partners did not seem to affect the odds of men describing their marriage as "very happy".


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> Not sure we disagree on the basic nature of marriage but there you go.
> For me it's never a case of 'demanding' anything. It's all part of sharing and getting to know each other. Talking about the past, families, friends, interests, opinions, politics, faith, sex, it's just an opening up to each other.
> I have never kept anything from Mr D, why should I.
> 
> If a man refused to talk about past relationships then he isn't the guy for me. I am a very honest and open person and would never be with a guy who was secretive.


I think for a lot of people it crosses the line into invasive, though. And certainly it's mainly insecure judgy people who ask. To me, asking is a red flag.


----------



## Enigma32

lifeistooshort said:


> Right? Because it's such a high compliment that a guy who sticks it in anything will stick it in you too 😅
> 
> Gross 🤮


Exactly why a lot of guys don't want a woman with a high partner count as well. It's not exactly an accomplishment to get with her when everyone else has.


----------



## Enigma32

In Absentia said:


> I think a 1,000 would bother me a little bit...


OK, if you would be bothered by 1000, at what number would a partner's body count start to bother you? 100, 200? Why?


----------



## Diana7

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s less about a man being secretive (or me for that matter) and more about a man demanding a resume to see if I “qualify.”
> 
> I always did, but he didn’t.


I don't see it as qualifying but as making sure we are on the same page when it comes to sex and what it means to us. 
Refusing to talk about it would answer that question for me.


----------



## Casual Observer

I’m thinking the better question might be, ladies, how have past sexual partners affected your expectations and feelings about sex?

It really doesn’t matter how many. What matters, what should matter to a partner, is how she might have been affected or shaped by those things. A woman who’d had 15 partners could be a wonderful spouse bringing only good things to the marriage, while another with two or three could be carrying really harmful baggage that she’s been too ashamed to deal with.


----------



## TexasMom1216

Diana7 said:


> I don't see it as qualifying but as making sure we are on the same page when it comes to sex and what it means to us.
> Refusing to talk about it would answer that question for me.


I didn’t refuse. I told them the truth.

You are conflating an open discussion about sex with a demand for a “number.”


----------



## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think for a lot of people it crosses the line into invasive, though. And certainly it's mainly insecure judgy people who ask. To me, asking is a red flag.


A couple getting to know each other with a view to marrying should be able to communicate about absolutely anything. How it is in anyway 'invasive' to want to be open and honest with each other about important things in life? I see a refusal to talk about sex as a massive red flag. What have people got to hide and why are they against being honest?
If someone isn't going to be honest about that then what else aren't they being honest about?
No it's not judgy or insecure for a couple to be able to communicate openly about past relationships. I see it as a massive problem if there are any subjects that are off limits for a married couple to be able to talk about. I can't understand the need for secrets.


----------



## Diana7

Casual Observer said:


> I’m thinking the better question might be, ladies, how have past sexual partners affected your expectations and feelings about sex?
> 
> It really doesn’t matter how many. What matters, what should matter to a partner, is how she might have been affected or shaped by those things. A woman who’d had 15 partners could be a wonderful spouse bringing only good things to the marriage, while another with two or three could be carrying really harmful baggage that she’s been too ashamed to deal with.


Harmful baggage can be carried by anyone. It's probably little to do with sexual partners.


----------



## DownButNotOut

Casual Observer said:


> I’m thinking the better question might be, ladies, how have past sexual partners affected your expectations and feelings about sex?
> 
> It really doesn’t matter how many. What matters, what should matter to a partner, is how she might have been affected or shaped by those things. A woman who’d had 15 partners could be a wonderful spouse bringing only good things to the marriage, while another with two or three could be carrying really harmful baggage that she’s been too ashamed to deal with.


Either way, you have to be able to talk about it to discover how the past affects the present.


----------



## LisaDiane

lifeistooshort said:


> Right? Because it's such a high compliment that a guy who sticks it in anything will stick it in you too 😅
> 
> Gross 🤮





Enigma32 said:


> Exactly why a lot of guys don't want a woman with a high partner count as well. It's not exactly an accomplishment to get with her when everyone else has.


This is actually a great point (from both) that I hadn't thought of in this way before.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Diana7 said:


> It's not usually about having 'one too many' partners. That's just a weird thing to say. I doubt anyone would reject a woman if she had had 21 when your preference is 20 for example.


True, but 22 vs. 21 could readily be a dealbreaker if the guy happened to be a blackjack dealer.


----------



## damo7

Most of the Manosphere are basically the male equivalent of modern feminists - bitter incels that can only manage to get very drunk promiscuous women in a bar/Tinder and nowhere else. 
Women don't want virgins - women are attracted to experience. Men don't like experience. It's just biology. If she's young she's more fertile and has more chance of raising strong offspring. If she's had few partners and is less promiscuous then you are far more likely to be the father and she is far less likely to cheat. 
Women like good genes - if no other women want to sleep with him then he can't have good genes. Women like a big tough older man that knows what he is about. 
Next time you complain how most men don't like older/experienced women just remind yourself that most women don't like virgin boys. It's kinda fair. You can't force people what to like.


----------



## Divinely Favored

TexasMom1216 said:


> To be fair, we disagree on the basic nature of marriage. So it makes sense we would disagree on this. If he’s asking me this, IMO he doesn’t “love” me. He sees me as prospective employee, not a life partner and certainly not a friend. But there are all different people and it’s fine to have different standards. If he is allowed standards, I should be too, and demanding a number and/or list of names as a qualifier is someone with values incompatible to mine.
> 
> I usually paid for dinner after a question like that. I didn’t want to be accused of “leading him on” and that kind of man usually expects to be “reimbursed” if he buys anything for me.


It is about finding out if the girl has the same beliefs/values about sex as I do. Nothing more. Same for you.


----------



## RandomDude

DownButNotOut said:


> That's where research comes in, and also where RedPill get's their magic 5 number.
> 
> A researcher at University of Utah did a multi-decade study of how divorce rates after five years of marriage correlated with prior sexual partners. Since 2000, they found that women with 10+ prior sexual partners divorced at a rate of 33% after five years. The highest in the study. 4-5 partners was around 25%. The lowest divorce rate was among virgins at marriage of 6%. It might be counterintuitive but the second highest divorce rate was for women with 2 prior sexual partners. The study did not include men.
> 
> A separate study looked at prior sexual partners and marital happiness. It showed a correlation in the two with women, with more sexual partners correlated with a lower married happiness. That correlation was not present with the men in the study. For women, the highest odds of describing being "very happy" in their marriage was with women whose only sexual partner was their husband. The lowest odds of being "very happy" was for women with 6-10 prior partners. Hence that magic number of 5 in the Red Pill community. And again, the number of prior partners did not seem to affect the odds of men describing their marriage as "very happy".


The stats may be right, but that's just it, stats. You can line up women with 10+ partners and find different stories why. Maybe they were simply total sloots, maybe they were just unlucky in love, maybe they were going through alot in their life at that time and became an escort, and at any point of time people can make changes in their life accordingly.

This can go vice versa for virgins too, 20 years down the track she may resent not having a "youth" and act out and sleep around, cheating on her husband and what now, how will you know when you just met her? Yes, I've met several women like that. Alternatively a woman who has had many men is less likely to have such a scenario, etc etc.

Everyone has their story, so judging based on the number of partners is rather meh to me.


----------



## EleGirl

I always find this topic strange. I've never had any guy ask me how many men I had sex with before. Never even knew some people did that until I joined this forum.

Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.


----------



## In Absentia

Enigma32 said:


> OK, if you would be bothered by 1000, at what number would a partner's body count start to bother you? 100, 200? Why?


More than just a number, it would depend on the time span/number ratio. If you slept with 2000 women in 2 years, then I see a small problem...  Even 1000 in 10 years, it's 100 people every year. Maybe I would draw the line at that. Why? Maybe they are a tad too fixated on sex? It doesn't indicate a healthy relation with sex to me.


----------



## RandomDude

EleGirl said:


> I always find this topic strange. I've never had any guy ask me how many men I had sex with before. Never even knew some people did that until I joined this forum.
> 
> *Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.*


They always ask me that 😑 

I don't count and I don't want to even try! I think best case it's less than 10 or at least less than 20


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> More than just a number, it would depend on the time span/number ratio. If you slept with 2000 women in 2 years, then I see a small problem...  Even 1000 in 10 years, it's 100 people every year. Maybe I would draw the line at that. Why? Maybe they are a tad too fixated on sex? It doesn't indicate a healthy relation with sex to me.


I did marry an ex-escort so I'm like 🤷‍♂️
1000 is just a rough estimate, could be more, could be less, I never really bothered with the number. I just know it's obviously more than me! 

However, she had her reasons, found Christ later, and yeah even in marriage she was still fixated on sex, but aside from her insatiable lust, as a person? As a wife? As a mother? I trust her implicitly and that has been earned over many years, never broken.

That's what I mean, you can't really judge people based on number alone.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

EleGirl said:


> I always find this topic strange. I've never had any guy ask me how many men I had sex with before. Never even knew some people did that until I joined this forum.
> 
> Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.


Yeah, this has never been a thing with us. Neither were virgins, and apparently we both had just the right amount!


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> That's what I mean, you can't really judge people based on number alone.


Of course... if you are marrying an escort, then you know what you are getting into...  If my future wife told me she slept with 2,000 men in the previous two years, I would not reject her "a priori", but maybe I would be extra vigilant before actually marrying her, asking the right questions, if at all possible...  Mind you, I never asked any partners about their sexual history. They always volunteered the info.


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> Of course... if you are marrying an escort, then you know what you are getting into...  If my future wife told me she slept with 2,000 men in the previous two years, I would not reject her "a priori", but maybe I would be extra vigilant before actually marrying her, asking the right questions, if at all possible...  Mind you, I never asked any partners about their sexual history. They always volunteered the info.


She was an *ex*-escort when I met her, that's a BIG difference lol.
Yeah well, I didn't really want to marry her, just felt obligated to as she got pregnant.

Turned out well for me professionally though despite our eventual divorce and have an awesome kid to live for. Overall, a big win, though like my other exs, I wish I was a better man for her.


----------



## frenchpaddy

I think asking your other half their number is ok in a small way , and ok only if you don't put too much importance in that number , when it comes down to it just says how good a seductress or seducer you were and what importance you put in sex in the past , 
for some it has replaced all most shaking hands , as I see after moving to France AND SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN costumes where here people still shake hands when they meet others it is a mark of respect if you know and like the person they rub cheeks of each other other ex pats like me used to feel all most like a wall had been passed ,

but back to the question of number if you let someones number get to you it shows you have not a lot of confidence in your own power as a lover and as a partner .


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> She was an *ex*-escort when I met her, that's a BIG difference lol.


Ah, that's disappointing...


----------



## ccpowerslave

Diana7 said:


> A couple getting to know each other with a view to marrying should be able to communicate about absolutely anything. How it is in anyway 'invasive' to want to be open and honest with each other about important things in life? I see a refusal to talk about sex as a massive red flag. What have people got to hide and why are they against being honest?


Does this happen?

_You know what Sally? We’ve been going out for a while now and I really feel like we have a strong relationship and maybe we might get married. I’m troubled though and I’m wondering if you can help me out?

“Wow. I feel that way too. What’s up?” she said.

Well I don’t know your partner count.

“My what?”

Bill shifted in his seat. “Uh, you know… your partner count.” Sally’s eyebrows lifted slightly and Bill could tell she wasn’t getting it.

“How many people have you had sex with?” “You know, your partner count.”

Sally’s face again changed. “Why?”

“Well I need to know.”

“Oh… I don’t understand why, but if I think about it let’s see…. Um I am pretty sure it is just 7.”

Bill’s heart sank. He was hoping for two or less. He had invested so much time in this relationship and grew to love Sally but knowing her partner count how could he propose now. He could have settled for three or maybe stretched to four. Seven! That is a line he can’t cross._


----------



## TexasMom1216

ccpowerslave said:


> Does this happen?
> 
> _You know what Sally? We’ve been going out for a while now and I really feel like we have a strong relationship and maybe we might get married. I’m troubled though and I’m wondering if you can help me out?
> 
> “Wow. I feel that way too. What’s up?” she said.
> 
> Well I don’t know your partner count.
> 
> “My what?”
> 
> Bill shifted in his seat. “Uh, you know… your partner count.” Sally’s eyebrows lifted slightly and Bill could tell she wasn’t getting it.
> 
> “How many people have you had sex with?” “You know, your partner count.”
> 
> Sally’s face again changed. “Why?”
> 
> “Well I need to know.”
> 
> “Oh… I don’t understand why, but if I think about it let’s see…. Um I am pretty sure it is just 7.”
> 
> Bill’s heart sank. He was hoping for two or less. He had invested so much time in this relationship and grew to love Sally but knowing her partner count how could he propose now. He could have settled for three or maybe stretched to four. Seven! That is a line he can’t cross._


Yep. Poor, soiled Sally.


----------



## jlg07

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think for a lot of people it crosses the line into invasive, though. And certainly it's mainly insecure judgy people who ask. To me, asking is a red flag.


I think it's all on how the conversations go. If it is 20 questions and the Salem witch trials, that's a problem.
If it comes about as part of a discussion about past partners, I don't see any issue at all with it. 
My wife and I each know all about our sexual pasts -- no harm, no foul, and yes, it has made us closer.


----------



## Bluesclues

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yep. Poor, soiled Sally.


Soiled Sally would make a great band name.


----------



## ConanHub

EleGirl said:


> I always find this topic strange. I've never had any guy ask me how many men I had sex with before. Never even knew some people did that until I joined this forum.
> 
> Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.


LoL! I've never ran into it either.

Me and my partner were always to busy with far more interesting topics.😉


----------



## ConanHub

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yep. Poor, soiled Sally.


Mrs. C goes by "Shady Lady". 😋


----------



## RandomDude

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yep. Poor, soiled Sally.


LOL


----------



## ah_sorandy

I'm in the process of looking at used cars. The lower the mileage the better, if you get what I mean!

I'm in my sixties and have very low mileage. Perfect for the right lady that will be very satisfied!

Promiscuity can breed more promiscuity in the future.


----------



## Casual Observer

ccpowerslave said:


> Does this happen?
> 
> _You know what Sally? We’ve been going out for a while now and I really feel like we have a strong relationship and maybe we might get married. I’m troubled though and I’m wondering if you can help me out?
> 
> “Wow. I feel that way too. What’s up?” she said.
> 
> Well I don’t know your partner count.
> 
> “My what?”
> 
> Bill shifted in his seat. “Uh, you know… your partner count.” Sally’s eyebrows lifted slightly and Bill could tell she wasn’t getting it.
> 
> “How many people have you had sex with?” “You know, your partner count.”
> 
> Sally’s face again changed. “Why?”
> 
> “Well I need to know.”
> 
> “Oh… I don’t understand why, but if I think about it let’s see…. Um I am pretty sure it is just 7.”
> 
> Bill’s heart sank. He was hoping for two or less. He had invested so much time in this relationship and grew to love Sally but knowing her partner count how could he propose now. He could have settled for three or maybe stretched to four. Seven! That is a line he can’t cross._


Thank goodness they had that conversation rather than build a life together, raise a family, and have it become an issue later. Better that Sally realizes sooner that this guy isn’t a good match for her because he has a really different and perhaps judgmental view of sexuality.

The truth has a way of coming out. I’ve said this many times- whatever it is about us, our past, our thinking, whatever… whatever it is you hope your partner doesn’t know about you, that’s what you need to talk with them about. It’s going to expose both flaws and strengths in your partner’s character.


----------



## Anastasia6

damo7 said:


> Most of the Manosphere are basically the male equivalent of modern feminists - bitter incels that can only manage to get very drunk promiscuous women in a bar/Tinder and nowhere else.
> Women don't want virgins - women are attracted to experience. Men don't like experience. It's just biology. If she's young she's more fertile and has more chance of raising strong offspring. If she's had few partners and is less promiscuous then you are far more likely to be the father and she is far less likely to cheat.
> Women like good genes - if no other women want to sleep with him then he can't have good genes. Women like a big tough older man that knows what he is about.
> Next time you complain how most men don't like older/experienced women just remind yourself that most women don't like virgin boys. It's kinda fair. You can't force people what to like.


Says the manosphere


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Anastasia6 said:


> Says the manosphere


It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there -- oh, wait. It's not even a nice place to visit.


----------



## Andy1001

There was a guy on tam a few years ago and he was worried about his wife. She enjoyed having sex with him and often iniatiated it herself. Because his friends complained about their wife’s withholding sex he had decided that his wife must have been promiscuous when she was younger and he divorced her. This was without any proof whatsoever.
If you have a great marriage with a great sex life what does it matter if your partner had lots of partners in the past. 
Stop overthinking things ffs.


----------



## TexasMom1216

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there -- oh, wait. It's not even a nice place to visit.


It’s a silly place (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)


----------



## EleGirl

ccpowerslave said:


> Does this happen?
> 
> _You know what Sally? We’ve been going out for a while now and I really feel like we have a strong relationship and maybe we might get married. I’m troubled though and I’m wondering if you can help me out?
> 
> “Wow. I feel that way too. What’s up?” she said.
> 
> Well I don’t know your partner count.
> 
> “My what?”
> 
> Bill shifted in his seat. “Uh, you know… your partner count.” Sally’s eyebrows lifted slightly and Bill could tell she wasn’t getting it.
> 
> “How many people have you had sex with?” “You know, your partner count.”
> 
> Sally’s face again changed. “Why?”
> 
> “Well I need to know.”
> 
> “Oh… I don’t understand why, but if I think about it let’s see…. Um I am pretty sure it is just 7.”
> 
> Bill’s heart sank. He was hoping for two or less. He had invested so much time in this relationship and grew to love Sally but knowing her partner count how could he propose now. He could have settled for three or maybe stretched to four. Seven! That is a line he can’t cross._


This means that Bill had 5. No way he could ever live with her getting more than him. Maybe he could go out and get 3 or 4 more so he had more than Sally. And of course, he'd never tell her cause it will be his little secret that he bettered her. 🤣


----------



## ccpowerslave

EleGirl said:


> This means that Bill had 5. No way he could ever live with her getting more than him. Maybe he could go out and get 3 or 4 more so he had more than Sally. And of course, he'd never tell her cause it will be his little secret that he bettered her. 🤣


I think I missed out on my true calling, writing scripts for those corporate HR training videos.


----------



## Julie's Husband

damo7 said:


> Women don't want virgins - women are attracted to experience.
> 
> Next time you complain how most men don't like older/experienced women just remind yourself that most women don't like virgin boys. It's kinda fair. You can't force people what to like.


Overly broad statements, I think. Try to sell that to the women who went after my virginity. I'm not sure about the first one to score, but I know that the second was plotted out by two women who I suspect were trying to beat out the first. 

I heard my sister's name mentioned at one point by the first very young lady, so I don't know whether she knew what was going down or was any part of it.


----------



## CharlieParker

I wonder if Bill knows Sally fakes her orgasms.


----------



## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> There was a guy on tam a few years ago and he was worried about his wife. She enjoyed having sex with him and often iniatiated it herself. Because his friends complained about their wife’s withholding sex he had decided that his wife must have been promiscuous when she was younger and he divorced her. This was without any proof whatsoever.
> If you have a great marriage with a great sex life what does it matter if your partner had lots of partners in the past.
> Stop overthinking things ffs.


That is an example of severe mental illness.


----------



## ccpowerslave

CharlieParker said:


> I wonder if Bill knows Sally fakes her orgasms.


I didn’t get that deep into Bill’s backstory sadly.


----------



## TexasMom1216

ccpowerslave said:


> I didn’t get that deep into Bill’s backstory sadly.


Details really make the story. You gotta flesh out Bill’s character. 🤪😂


----------



## Diana7

ccpowerslave said:


> Does this happen?
> 
> _You know what Sally? We’ve been going out for a while now and I really feel like we have a strong relationship and maybe we might get married. I’m troubled though and I’m wondering if you can help me out?
> 
> “Wow. I feel that way too. What’s up?” she said.
> 
> Well I don’t know your partner count.
> 
> “My what?”
> 
> Bill shifted in his seat. “Uh, you know… your partner count.” Sally’s eyebrows lifted slightly and Bill could tell she wasn’t getting it.
> 
> “How many people have you had sex with?” “You know, your partner count.”
> 
> Sally’s face again changed. “Why?”
> 
> “Well I need to know.”
> 
> “Oh… I don’t understand why, but if I think about it let’s see…. Um I am pretty sure it is just 7.”
> 
> Bill’s heart sank. He was hoping for two or less. He had invested so much time in this relationship and grew to love Sally but knowing her partner count how could he propose now. He could have settled for three or maybe stretched to four. Seven! That is a line he can’t cross._


It's about good communication. The ability to communicate about anything with no secrets. Nothing hidden or off limits.


----------



## Diana7

jlg07 said:


> I think it's all on how the conversations go. If it is 20 questions and the Salem witch trials, that's a problem.
> If it comes about as part of a discussion about past partners, I don't see any issue at all with it.
> My wife and I each know all about our sexual pasts -- no harm, no foul, and yes, it has made us closer.


Agreed. I just don't get this need to hide things from the past from the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. To me it's no different from hiding a past prison term or hiding the fact that you have been divorced. Or hiding the fact that you were declared bankrupt recently.


----------



## Julie's Husband

Diana7 said:


> Agreed. I just don't get this need to hide things from the past from the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. To me it's no different from hiding a past prison term or hiding the fact that you have been divorced. Or hiding the fact that you were declared bankrupt recently.


I agree that communication is good and may make for more confidence in the relationship, but don't agree that anyone should feel required to tell all.

I knew my wife was not virgin when I met her. I would like to have heard her stories early on so I could understand better how to please her or what to avoid, but we didn't go that route.

I can't remember how much I told her of my experiences. I think most of those came out after 44 years when I began seeing a "shrink" and digging up the past to deal with emotional issues from cancer treatment.

Some details I'm sure she doesn't want to know. On the other hand she seemed entertained when just a week or so ago I mentioned that I'd not had sex on the first night with the blind, surprise hookup arranged by my sister-in-law and that the woman had complained about not having sex. I think some movie story line spurred the comment.

When I told my wife about my surprise that women would actually be involved in recreational sex after a comment by the "shrink", she said "Yeah, just meet, have a coffee and head off to the motel." I thought she was being dismissive, but she later recounted an incident where she had done just that in Germany. First real story after being together 45 years.

Then a German girl friend of hers and the girl's boyfriend came to visit. They stayed in my wife to be's apartment and we stayed in mine. I went over to help the friend map out their tour and found the girl wandering around the apartment in just a T-shirt and nylon bikini panties. I went into shock as I am very inhibited. When I told my wife to be she said it was normal for them to walk around the house in panties with visitors in Germany.

So, I imagine there may be stories she could tell of what happens when the girls are in panties while socializing with guests. Maybe some day she will share.


----------



## jlg07

Julie's Husband said:


> When I told my wife to be she said it was normal for them to walk around the house in panties with visitors i


Sounds like the beginning to a porn movie!!!


----------



## Diana7

Julie's Husband said:


> I agree that communication is good and may make for more confidence in the relationship, but don't agree that anyone should feel required to tell all.
> 
> I knew my wife was not virgin when I met her. I would like to have heard her stories early on so I could understand better how to please her or what to avoid, but we didn't go that route.
> 
> I can't remember how much I told her of my experiences. I think most of those came out after 44 years when I began seeing a "shrink" and digging up the past to deal with emotional issues from cancer treatment.
> 
> Some details I'm sure she doesn't want to know. On the other hand she seemed entertained when just a week or so ago I mentioned that I'd not had sex on the first night with the blind, surprise hookup arranged by my sister-in-law and that the woman had complained about not having sex. I think some movie story line spurred the comment.
> 
> When I told my wife about my surprise that women would actually be involved in recreational sex after a comment by the "shrink", she said "Yeah, just meet, have a coffee and head off to the motel." I thought she was being dismissive, but she later recounted an incident where she had done just that in Germany. First real story after being together 45 years.
> 
> Then a German girl friend of hers and the girl's boyfriend came to visit. They stayed in my wife to be's apartment and we stayed in mine. I went over to help the friend map out their tour and found the girl wandering around the apartment in just a T-shirt and nylon bikini panties. I went into shock as I am very inhibited. When I told my wife to be she said it was normal for them to walk around the house in panties with visitors in Germany.
> 
> So, I imagine there may be stories she could tell of what happens when the girls are in panties while socializing with guests. Maybe some day she will share.


I am just an open person so tend to have nothing off limits. 
I can't think of anything that I wouldn't tell Mr D. He knows me better than anyone.


----------



## Julie's Husband

jlg07 said:


> Sounds like the beginning to a porn movie!!!


Just a different view on modesty, I think. Her imposing, intense boyfriend seemed totally oblivious to my "deer in the headlights" expression of shock.


----------



## Julie's Husband

Diana7 said:


> I am just an open person so tend to have nothing off limits.
> I can't think of anything that I wouldn't tell Mr D. He knows me better than anyone.


I am as well, but I'm not sure my wife wants to know everything so I just keep it to myself. Dealing with the "shrink" has dug it all back up again and she is getting maybe more of the story than she wants.


----------



## Bluesclues

Diana7 said:


> Agreed. I just don't get this need to hide things from the past from the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. To me it's no different from hiding a past prison term or hiding the fact that you have been divorced. Or hiding the fact that you were declared bankrupt recently.


You put serving prison time, divorce and bankruptcy at the same level as having sex with someone? I find it odd you listed all negative things. 

I have been with only two men, both my husbands in the last 26 years. My count prior to marriage does not convey in the least how I feel about sex, fidelity or marriage. I hope my count never changes from today, but if I am ever single again, I would hope I would share with a new partner stories from my life, good and bad, and that will paint a picture of who I am. Those things happen organically in getting to know someone. I don’t think I need to give an accounting of each past partner to not be hiding something.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

Mine is less than my age  and I'm 55


----------



## Casual Observer

Bluesclues said:


> You put serving prison time, divorce and bankruptcy at the same level as having sex with someone? I find it odd you listed all negative things.
> 
> I have been with only two men, both my husbands in the last 26 years. My count prior to marriage does not convey in the least how I feel about sex, fidelity or marriage. I hope my count never changes from today, but if I am ever single again, I would hope I would share with a new partner stories from my life, good and bad, and that will paint a picture of who I am. Those things happen organically in getting to know someone. I don’t think I need to give an accounting of each past partner to not be hiding something.


This issue isn’t your personal right to privacy. That’s absolute. The issue is if there are things that, if the other person knew about you, they might have made a different choice. In that case, the other person probably isn’t the right partner.

I believe the litmus test should be “What am I most fearful that my partner could find out about me?” Those are the things your partner should know. If your partner wouldn’t be bothered by them, that’s the right person for you. If they would be a real issue, and you’re keeping it secret, then you’ve got two wrong things going on. First, you’re denying your partner agency. And second, you’ve probably got the wrong partner.

If you find someone who could care less about your past, doesn’t mind your feelings about privacy, great!!! That’s the ideal. Everybody happy.


----------



## Diana7

Bluesclues said:


> You put serving prison time, divorce and bankruptcy at the same level as having sex with someone? I find it odd you listed all negative things.
> 
> I have been with only two men, both my husbands in the last 26 years. My count prior to marriage does not convey in the least how I feel about sex, fidelity or marriage. I hope my count never changes from today, but if I am ever single again, I would hope I would share with a new partner stories from my life, good and bad, and that will paint a picture of who I am. Those things happen organically in getting to know someone. I don’t think I need to give an accounting of each past partner to not be hiding something.


 Yes they do happen organically, that's the best way. 
My point was that hiding anything seems odd to me. If a guy told me he had had one or two previous sexual partners when it was actually far more, yes I would see that the same as him hiding say, a bankruptcy. Why do it? Why not just be honest? 
How can anyone make a decision about marriage when secrets are being kept? 
We have had people here on TAM who were lied to about previous sexual partners before marriage and it caused massive trust issues not surprisingly.


----------



## Enigma32

RandomDude said:


> I did marry an ex-escort so I'm like 🤷‍♂️
> 1000 is just a rough estimate, could be more, could be less, I never really bothered with the number. I just know it's obviously more than me!


Wait, what? You married a hooker and that was ok but you're worried about a new girl enjoying brand named purses?


----------



## Enigma32

EleGirl said:


> I always find this topic strange.* I've never had any guy ask me how many men I had sex with before*. Never even knew some people did that until I joined this forum.
> 
> Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.


As a man at least, I have never had to ask for a number, I just need to pay attention and listen. We all talk about exes and people we dated to some degree, so most people end up ratting themselves out when they talk about all these different people they met or dated. I remember I went on a date with one girl a few years ago and she was telling stories about how this guy had a big d*ck, that guy had a big one, one guy surprised her with his, etc. I just told her I don't have a big one and said I wasn't the guy for her. I don't need to hear a number to know she already banged half the town. 

I have a female friend that is promiscuous. She and I went shopping together one day and as we walked into the door, some guy stopped and said hi to her. They talked for a minute and during that talk the guy gave me THE LOOK. It's like a smug, self satisfied grin that some douchebags use to let other guys know, "hey, I banged your girl." I asked her when she dated the guy and she denied it, but eventually admitted they hooked up a couple of times and asked how I knew. I explained the look to her. Now imagine dating a female where you run into these guys at least half the time you leave the house with her. You don't need to hear a number from her either....you know.


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> Wait, what? You married a hooker and that was ok but you're worried about a new girl enjoying brand named purses?


Ex-escort, and new girl can enjoy what she likes as long as it ain't my sugar she's dependent on. Ex always had money whether she 'worked' or not though, the two are worlds apart.


----------



## Enigma32

RandomDude said:


> Ex-escort, and new girl can enjoy what she likes as long as it ain't my sugar she's dependent on. Ex always had money whether she 'worked' or not though, the two are worlds apart.


Man, ex or not that's about the biggest red flag in the history of red flags....and you married her! We all do dumb things for love so I get it but damn bro.


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> As a man at least, I have never had to ask for a number, I just need to pay attention and listen. We all talk about exes and people we dated to some degree, so most people end up ratting themselves out when they talk about all these different people they met or dated. I remember I went on a date with one girl a few years ago and she was telling stories about how this guy had a big d*ck, that guy had a big one, one guy surprised her with his, etc. I just told her I don't have a big one and said I wasn't the guy for her. I don't need to hear a number to know she already banged half the town.


Ex once told me shes had penises way bigger than mine, I told her they obviously didn't know how to use them otherwise she wouldn't be with me. 



> I have a female friend that is promiscuous. She and I went shopping together one day and as we walked into the door, some guy stopped and said hi to her. They talked for a minute and during that talk the guy gave me THE LOOK. It's like a smug, self satisfied grin that some douchebags use to let other guys know, "hey, I banged your girl." I asked her when she dated the guy and she denied it, but eventually admitted they hooked up a couple of times and asked how I knew. I explained the look to her. Now imagine dating a female where you run into these guys at least half the time you leave the house with her. You don't need to hear a number from her either....you know.


If you live in the big city and the woman has more discreet partners due to the nature of their arrangements you don't get this so 😋


----------



## Enigma32

RandomDude said:


> Ex once told me shes had penises way bigger than mine, I told her they obviously didn't know how to use them otherwise she wouldn't be with me


I'd tell her I've had vagina a lot tighter than hers too.



> If you live in the big city and the woman has more discreet partners due to the nature of their arrangements you don't get this so 😋


Yeah, I live in a small-ish town that is technically a city. You often run into people you know here.


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> Man, ex or not that's about the biggest red flag in the history of red flags....and you married her! We all do dumb things for love so I get it but damn bro.


Actually I never loved her, but having overcome her past by the time I met her she was anything but red flags. With my history from my youth I'm never in a place to judge anyone for their past either.


----------



## Enigma32

RandomDude said:


> Actually I never loved her, but having overcome her past by the time I met her she was anything but red flags. With my history from my youth I'm never in a place to judge anyone for their past either.


What someone chose to do in their past is always a red flag. "Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior."


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> I'd tell her I've had vagina a lot tighter than hers too.


Yeah but we gentlemen can't say that 🤣



> Yeah, I live in a small-ish town that is technically a city. You often run into people you know here.


Lol yeah in your case the town sloots may be too much trouble bc of the scenarios you described. But again, it's not number, it's lifestyle 😋


----------



## RandomDude

Enigma32 said:


> What someone chose to do in their past is always a red flag. "Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior."


Yeah, she was a nymphomaniac and insatiable 😅 but either than that she was reformed by the time I met her. Became abit of a religious nut though.

As for past behavior being best predictor of future behavior, I'm a law abiding citizen now too, so not always.


----------



## Julie's Husband

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, she was a nymphomaniac and insatiable 😅


I was with a woman I thought was insatiable. I decided I was going to push her to her limits. During this session I learned that she is not insatiable, but a sort of party girl whose identity comes from attention from men. She was just there for the man; me in this case.


----------



## SpinyNorman

CharlieParker said:


> I wonder if Bill knows Sally fakes her orgasms.


Harry knows.


----------



## RandomDude

That video needs to be in my thread


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> That video needs to be in my thread


The woman who says, "I'll have what she's having" is actually Billy Crystal's mother!!! Lol!


----------



## BFG69

Diana7 said:


> For me honesty in all things is important. If I am serious about someone then nothing is off limits.


Example of "Nothing is Off Limits"?


----------



## LeGenDary_Man

EleGirl said:


> Perhaps women should also be very concerned about how many women a guy has had sex with.


Agreed.


----------



## CharlieParker




----------



## Diana7

To ya


BFG69 said:


> Example of "Nothing is Off Limits"?


To talk about.


----------



## LeGenDary_Man

oldshirt said:


> Women seem to be getting a bad rap lately due to their prior sexual histories.
> 
> For women it seems they are in kind of a damned if they do and damned if they don’t no-win scenario.
> 
> If they have been with one person to many, they are deemed unworthy of marriage/LTR and are not considered relationship material.
> 
> Many of the current crop of Red Pill gurus go so far as to say if a woman has been with more than say a handful of people in her lifetime that she is not only unworthy on the basis of lost virtue but that she is now DAMAGED and INCAPABLE of forming and maintaining a healthy bond with a man.
> 
> Yikes!! 😱
> 
> HOWEVER, if she hasn’t been with ENOUGH, then she is at risk of wanting to make up for her list days of fun and passion that she missed out on earlier and she will go off the rails and run amok in the streets devastating her devoted and faithful husband and family.
> 
> Double yikes! 😳
> 
> So the million dollar question of course is how many people does a woman have to be with before she is an eligible mate? 1? 2? 5? 10? 27.84?
> 
> How many is enough? How many is too many?
> 
> Equally perplexing is how wide is this strike zone?
> 
> Does it have to be the exact number or is there an acceptable range?
> 
> Additionally does it have to be full PIV encounters and only PIV counts or is it a point system or some kind of sliding scale where blow jobs and fingering banging can accrue the needed credentials??
> 
> Does a one-time drunken hook up at a frat party or the bathroom of a bar count or does it have to be a sober, conscious effort?
> 
> And then how do we document and verify this on one’s resume? Do we need to call for references and verifications?
> 
> Are there waivers and grace periods for those that may be 1 or 2 short or is it an absolute requirement to where they will have to go check off those criteria and then come back with the required documentation?
> 
> Can there be a forgiveness program for those with extenuating circumstances that caused them to go over the limit through no fault of their own?
> 
> This is all so confusing.
> 
> Can someone please tell me what the appropriate number or range is? As a guy I don’t want to make a mistake and have someone else’s past burn me from back before I even knew they existed.
> 
> I mean good Lord, think of what could happen to me as a grown adult man if some woman has been with 5 prior people when she was supposed to stop at 4???
> 
> Will it be even worse if she is supposed to be with at least 3 but has only made it to 2??
> 
> If I meet such a person, do I need to send her up to the bar or direct her to Tinder until she can check off her final requirements? I don’t want to be devastated because someone is out of their necessary quota before I even meet them.
> 
> So what do we do???
> What are the answers?? What’s the solution?
> 
> I don’t have all the answers but I want to help.
> 
> I’m not sure what can be done if someone has gone over quota. I guess they’ll have to go work at the strip club and make porn.
> 
> But ladies, if you have reached the required quota yet - I CAN help!
> 
> If you haven’t achieved the necessary experience level yet, contact me and together we can get your resume updated and get you the required credentialing to make you a proper mate and marriage material! 😃
> 
> It’s the least I can do.


My suggestion is simple. BE FAIR in your judgement about a woman's sexuality.

If you are saving yourself for marriage then you have the moral right to seek and marry a woman who is doing the same.

If you have a low body count then you can settle for a woman who have a low body count.

If you have a high body count then you can settle for a woman who have a high body count.

Some "Red-Pilled gurus" are perfectly OK with having hookups and spinning plates with women while dating them *but* complain (or boast) about why women are not marriage material anymore. This is blatant hypocrisy. These men are a part of the "problem."


----------



## Enigma32

LeGenDary_Man said:


> My suggestion is simple. BE FAIR in your judgement about a woman's sexuality.
> 
> If you are saving yourself for marriage then you have the moral right to seek and marry a woman who is doing the same.
> 
> If you have a low body count then you can settle for a woman who have a low body count.
> 
> If you have a high body count then you can settle for a woman who have a high body count.
> 
> Some "Red-Pilled gurus" are perfectly OK with having hookups and spinning plates with women while dating them *but* complain (or boast) about why women are not marriage material anymore. This is blatant hypocrisy. These men are a part of the "problem."


In reality, people are entitled to whatever preferences they want to have. If a girl wants to smash 2000 guys and then get with some nerdy guy who has never seen boobs before, that's ok. If a guy wants to hook up with tons of women and eventually settle down with a girl that saved herself for marriage, that's ok too.


----------



## LeGenDary_Man

Enigma32 said:


> In reality, people are entitled to whatever preferences they want to have. If a girl wants to smash 2000 guys and then get with some nerdy guy who has never seen boobs before, that's ok. If a guy wants to hook up with tons of women and eventually settle down with a girl that saved herself for marriage, that's ok too.


This is fine when both (man and woman) accept each other with full knowledge of each other's sexual past. Relationship should be founded on honesty and transparency [if] it is to last. Deception is the fundamental problem - as bad as cheating.


----------



## RebuildingMe

It’s a double edged sword. If you’re a 45-50 year old guy and you’re concerned with a notch count, you’d be better off gravitating to a divorced woman who got married at 24. She’d have a way lower notch count. But then she comes with an entirely different set of issues. Ex husband, kids, no career, “mom first” mindset. I’m not sure but I think speaking as a man, I’d rather find the woman who was never married and had no kids in tow, even thought she may have slept with 50 dudes 🤷‍♂️


----------



## Corgi Mum

Age and Zeitgeist are going to come into play here. I was a teenager in the 70s, the pre-AIDS pre-herpes era of "if it feels good do it".

In reality, I've never been asked for a number. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Corgi Mum said:


> Age and Zeitgeist are going to come into play here. I was a teenager in the 70s, the pre-AIDS pre-herpes era of "if it feels good do it".
> 
> In reality, I've never been asked for a number. 🤷‍♀️


Ah, the good old days!


----------



## Julie's Husband

Who and what that person is today is the only thing that is important outside of the viewer's religious or other boundaries. And again I suspect that my wife has been around more than she has admitted, but other than shaping who she is her sexual experiences are really irrelevant.


----------



## Julie's Husband

Corgi Mum said:


> Age and Zeitgeist are going to come into play here. I was a teenager in the 70s, the pre-AIDS pre-herpes era of "if it feels good do it".
> 
> In reality, I've never been asked for a number. 🤷‍♀️


I'm a product of that era as well. It really did nothing to affect me or my behavior. Some people participated, some did not. The responded based on their personal views of themselves and the world around them.


----------



## Divinely Favored

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. C goes by "Shady Lady". 😋


Knew of a Tricky Vicki and a Penacillin Penny.


----------



## romantic_dreamer

I personally believe it shybe more than 1 due to the same reason described by OP. Woman who only had her husband will always be thinking about what else is there at least in her head. But too many does make her husband not really special. I personally cannot feel special if I am number 10 in her record.


----------



## Divinely Favored

I held a standard for a while. I was looking for "the one and done" and it is difficult to find that girl by the time you get to college. I did not screw around though I had opportunity. First time at 23 was because I was pissed at another girl so I had sex with another. Wished I had not. Seemed like the girl that was not already messing around didn't exist or was not to be found. 

GF I took to prom, I found out she was known at another school, so I broke up with her. Next week she did a train at a HS party with the baseball infield. IKR! Damn I dodged a bullet! Let them get their bats and balls in her infield. 

After I decided that I was probably not going to find a girl that didn't want to get on the 🎠 I lowered my standards and then started getting screw over by those 304s. They just wanted the "D" and was not into LTR, or I would have been off the market within 6 mo. as I was a LTR guy. The girls just wanted to have fun and increase their numbers or wanted a daddy for their kid. There were a few sure things, I did not go there because I wanted a relationship, not a F.buddy.

For guys that want the LTR with a girl that has not been around the block, or at least already started riding the 🎠, the choices are very slim. 

Makes me worry about my boys. 

Girls are drawn to my youngest, 17, he is 6'06" and muscled up. He has had a few texting him, or going out of their way to talk to him when in school. Look on their FB and tell him, stay the hell away from her, she is screwed up, you could be a friend but you need to let it be known you are only friend. Wife says those 304s better stay away from my boy!

He decided he will not date or get a GF until he gets into seminary in St. Louis so at least he knows they have comparable values about God, sex and marriage.


----------



## Kristy37

I've been with 1 too many.


----------



## Butforthegrace

I had a half dozen or so partners up until age 20, then entered into a LTR for about 9 years. After that broke up, I had a flurry of partners. All told, circa 20-25. It depends in part on what you consider "sex". Also, there was a same-sex encounter in there, a threesome, and an orgy.

My wife had a similar pattern. Her body count is higher than mine, but a larger percentage were short term 1 or 2 encounter guys. No same sex, no threesomes/orgies. My "degree of difficulty" was higher (in terms of variety and experimentation and risky behavior and such), and many of my partners were women I had a lot of sex with. Fewer bodies, but more overall sex. The differences became esoteric.

In the end, I think parties considering committed relationships should disclose this info to each other, just to be sure there are no red flags that could impede the relationship. For me, personally, I'd rather be with a woman who had a decently high body count before me. I'd feel more certain that she knew what she was doing if/when she chose me.


----------



## Hiner112

If they're out of their teens and have been with 0 then there might be a hangup that would need to be explored.

When my ex wife and I started dating we were both virgins. I do think one of the secret reasons she wanted to get a divorce when she was nearing 40 was so she could see what it was like with other people. I'd be very surprised if she wasn't disappointed. 

My current GF wasn't married until she was in her mid-30s. She's probably had an order of magnitude more partners (she is my #2 and I would be _shocked_ if her number was less than 10-15). I'm also relatively certain that I have had an order of magnitude more sex along with a wider variety of acts.

I have seen a few studies that have said that relationship satisfaction is negatively correlated with number of partners. Of course the studies have not established causality but it would make sense that someone that is chronically dissatisfied would be constantly breaking up with their current SO _and_ someone that has been in a lot of relationships could be more aware of their options.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

I guess we've been with just the right amount. We've only talked briefly about it early on as part of learning the whole package about each other, never dwelling in it. I know I may not get it but the numbers thing has never been and still isn't something that comes to mind on it's own. Neither virgins, both think sex is important in a relationship barring serious health problem events.


----------



## Butforthegrace

Hiner112 said:


> I have seen a few studies that have said that relationship satisfaction is negatively correlated with number of partners.


Here is something I've notice amongst high achieving women of my generation (Gen X). Men, not all men but a lot of men, bring a whole ton of BS to a sexual relationship. Guilt. Possessiveness. Other hangups. A young woman who is ambitiously pursuing education, profession, etc., can easily get bogged down in the BS that men try to bring to her. One coping mechanism is a string of casual sex hook ups. For a reasonably attractive young woman, sexual opportunity is as plentiful as air. It's very easy for women to hook up casually, then no longer contact a man, and it's way more convenient than getting bogged down in a man's BS.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Butforthegrace said:


> Here is something I've notice amongst high achieving women of my generation (Gen X). Men, not all men but a lot of men, bring a whole ton of BS to a sexual relationship. Guilt. Possessiveness. Other hangups. A young woman who is ambitiously pursuing education, profession, etc., can easily get bogged down in the BS that men try to bring to her. One coping mechanism is a string of casual sex hook ups. For a reasonably attractive young woman, sexual opportunity is as plentiful as air. It's very easy for women to hook up casually, then no longer contact a man, and it's way more convenient than getting bogged down in a man's BS.


Very wise. That's also the way guys getting out of college and into the workplace approach things.
No BS with liaisons is the best way especially early on.


----------



## TexasMom1216

Butforthegrace said:


> Here is something I've notice amongst high achieving women of my generation (Gen X). Men, not all men but a lot of men, bring a whole ton of BS to a sexual relationship. Guilt. Possessiveness. Other hangups. A young woman who is ambitiously pursuing education, profession, etc., can easily get bogged down in the BS that men try to bring to her. One coping mechanism is a string of casual sex hook ups. For a reasonably attractive young woman, sexual opportunity is as plentiful as air. It's very easy for women to hook up casually, then no longer contact a man, and it's way more convenient than getting bogged down in a man's BS.


I didn't engage in a "string" of casual hookups, but I did distance myself and not get into anything serious while I was figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I made a conscious decision to start looking for marriage. My methods turned out to be grossly flawed, but there are definite differences in how things go when you approach them by keeping the guy at arm's length.


----------



## Busy Washing My Hair

Butforthegrace said:


> Here is something I've notice amongst high achieving women of my generation (Gen X). Men, not all men but a lot of men, bring a whole ton of BS to a sexual relationship. Guilt. Possessiveness. Other hangups. A young woman who is ambitiously pursuing education, profession, etc., can easily get bogged down in the BS that men try to bring to her. One coping mechanism is a string of casual sex hook ups. For a reasonably attractive young woman, sexual opportunity is as plentiful as air. It's very easy for women to hook up casually, then no longer contact a man, and it's way more convenient than getting bogged down in a man's BS.


I don’t think any Gen X female is considered a young woman these days. Even some millennials are approaching middle age!


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## TexasMom1216

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t think any Gen X female is considered a young woman these days. Even some millennials are approaching middle age!


Sadly, no. Our time is past.


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## Julie's Husband

Time is past? We lived in a 55+ community in the SF Bay area and there were a few I wouldn't mind bedding if I were on the market. When my wife and I were serving wine at a community dinner, one lady locked eyes with me and said that the drunker she gets the hornier she gets. Rumor was that finding a hookup in the community was pretty easy. 

Time is up when you stop looking.


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Julie's Husband said:


> Time is past? We lived in a 55+ community in the SF Bay area and there were a few I wouldn't mind bedding if I were on the market. When my wife and I were serving wine at a community dinner, one lady locked eyes with me and said that the drunker she gets the hornier she gets. Rumor was that finding a hookup in the community was pretty easy.
> 
> Time is up when you stop looking.


Why does this not surprise me? 

Since being on TAM I can’t stop looking at all of the middle age and older people out there in real life and thinking about all of the sex a lot of them are having if the general population is anything like TAM.


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## TexasMom1216

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Why does this not surprise me?
> 
> Since being on TAM I can’t stop looking at all of the middle age and older people out there in real life and thinking about all of the sex a lot of them are having if the general population is anything like TAM.


Everyone on the internet is a kazillionaire supermodel genius sex ninja. 🤪😂


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## Busy Washing My Hair

TexasMom1216 said:


> Everyone on the internet is a kazillionaire supermodel genius sex ninja. 🤪😂


I don’t know I saw this guy out in public (not attracted to him, but he was just an average looking tall guy) yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking “I wonder if he says things on Internet forums like my ‘wife climbs daddy like a tree.’” Then I started laughing out loud.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Why does this not surprise me?
> 
> Since being on TAM I can’t stop looking at all of the middle age and older people out there in real life and thinking about all of the sex a lot of them are having if the general population is anything like TAM.


When you see H and W in the grocery story heads together having a private chuckle and W is smiling in the produce section, next to the cucumber and zucchini you've likely encountered two who have a good sexual relationship.


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## RebuildingMe

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> When you see H and W in the grocery story heads together having a private chuckle and W is smiling in the produce section, next to the cucumber and zucchini you've likely encountered two who have a good sexual relationship.


My gf is in Greece for the next two weeks. She texted me photos of these hanging penis’ that are apparently all of the place in local markets. Her comment to me was that she was going to buy me 20 of them to hang from the Christmas tree this year instead of candy canes. I said if you buy them, I’ll hang them. Any she uses in Greece, I won’t hang. Lol


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## TexasMom1216

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know I saw this guy out in public (not attracted to him, but he was just an average looking tall guy) yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking “I wonder if he says things on Internet forums like my ‘wife climbs daddy like a tree.’” Then I started laughing out loud.


Probably. So many sickos.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

TexasMom1216 said:


> Probably. So many sickos.


Well now hang on. Bear in mind I'm asking seriously...in a good M, if the H includes hey hot momma, I want you to climb me like a tree during their normal initiation banter, DOES that make him a sicko?

The jump to sicko seems drastic. I'm not criticizing just trying to understand the train of thought.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know I saw this guy out in public (not attracted to him, but he was just an average looking tall guy) yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking “I wonder if he says things on Internet forums like my ‘wife climbs daddy like a tree.’” Then I started laughing out loud.


Hopefully he and his W if M, do indeed share that or similar sexual banter.


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## TexasMom1216

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well now hang on. Bear in mind I'm asking seriously..*.in a good M, if the H includes hey hot momma, I want you to climb me like a tree during their normal initiation banter*, DOES that make him a sicko?
> 
> The jump to sicko seems drastic. I'm not criticizing just trying to understand the train of thought.


No. Fun, silly banter is fun. "Hot mama" is very different from "mommy" or "daddy." If a man called his wife "mommy" during sex, wouldn't that be a bit creepy? IMO, it is. Forcing a grown woman to call you "daddy" during sex is super creepy to me. You don't have to agree, you probably don't. But I am allowed to have an opinion on this.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

TexasMom1216 said:


> No. Fun, silly banter is fun. "Hot mama" is very different from "mommy" or "daddy." If a man called his wife "mommy" during sex, wouldn't that be a bit creepy? IMO, it is. Forcing a grown woman to call you "daddy" during sex is super creepy to me. You don't have to agree, you probably don't. But I am allowed to have an opinion on this.


No, to that degree I'd have to agree. Same with mommy (with a y) obviously. 

I don't think you're saying anything unusual. 

Guys, H or not, often say "that's one hot momma" in generic sense, like babe, baby, on and on.


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## TexasMom1216

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Guys, H or not, often say "that's one hot momma" in generic sense, like babe, baby, on and on.


Yeah, at my age especially, "hot mama" is high praise. 🥰


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I just don't think a H saying come here baby, I want you to climb me like a tree to his W now and then makes the H a sicko or even unusual. 

W and I both say hey we have all afternoon, time for some wild monkey porn sex, come here you....as part of our sexual initiation tool box. 

We have a bunch of ways for other of us to verbally and by touch initiate sex clearly. Some are graphic, me AND her. We don't tip toe, who needs that stress?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yeah, at my age especially, "hot mama" is high praise. 🥰


My W says the same but she absolutely knows she's my hot mama!


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## LisaDiane

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t think any Gen X female is considered a young woman these days. Even some millennials are approaching middle age!


I think he was meaning like, WHEN those women were younger.

And I actually have loved being in my 40s an now early 50s, and I wouldn't trade places with my 30yr old self at all! There is an ease about life that I have now and that I've seen in older men as well, that just feels GREAT to have!!!


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## TexasMom1216

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I just don't think a H saying come here baby, I want you to climb me like a tree to his W now and then makes the H a sicko or even unusual.
> 
> W and I both say hey we have all afternoon, time for some wild monkey porn sex, come here you....as part of our sexual initiation tool box.
> 
> We have a bunch of ways for other of us to verbally and by touch initiate sex clearly. Some are graphic, me AND her. We don't tip toe, who needs that stress?


All of that is fine, and healthy. It's the weird obsession with forcing a woman into the position of a child that I find so gross. It's a way to break her down and reaffirm to her that she is "submissive." It's usually accompanied by a general contempt for women, a belief that we are all weak and stupid and need to be "led" by men. No one wants absolute and unaccountable control over another adult for altruistic reasons. That is what I mean by sickos.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

TexasMom1216 said:


> All of that is fine, and healthy. It's the weird obsession with forcing a woman into the position of a child that I find so gross. It's a way to break her down and reaffirm to her that she is "submissive." It's usually accompanied by a general contempt for women, a belief that we are all weak and stupid and need to be "led" by men. No one wants absolute and unaccountable control over another adult for altruistic reasons. That is what I mean by sickos.


THAT would be horrible, definitely!


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> When you see H and W in the grocery story heads together having a private chuckle and W is smiling in the produce section, next to the cucumber and zucchini you've likely encountered two who have a good sexual relationship.


Yeah, and usually these people are not physically hot in any way so it’s like imagining my parents having sexual and it’s VERY awkward.


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well now hang on. Bear in mind I'm asking seriously...in a good M, if the H includes hey hot momma, I want you to climb me like a tree during their normal initiation banter, DOES that make him a sicko?
> 
> The jump to sicko seems drastic. I'm not criticizing just trying to understand the train of thought.


For the record, I don’t think the terms momma or daddy are “sicko” territory. Daddy can be sort of yuck in certain situations but definitely not all. And if a woman says she doesn’t **** the use of that term when it comes to sex then the man should respect that. I didn’t think it was yuck when you said it in another comment whoever that was in this forum. Just thought it was funny and a bit cringe but not in a sicko sort of way. I admit that when I see an average looking person out in public I cringe when I imagine them saying that stuff and doing those things. It’s like “ewww.” If they were really attractive then it’s not so weird I’ve suddenly started to wonder about the sex lives of all of the average looking middle age people I encounter on a daily basis and it’s all very strange like when I’d think of my parents having sex. That only happened since I joined TAM.


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## Busy Washing My Hair

LisaDiane said:


> I think he was meaning like, WHEN those women were younger.
> 
> And I actually have loved being in my 40s an now early 50s, and I wouldn't trade places with my 30yr old self at all! There is an ease about life that I have now and that I've seen in older men as well, that just feels GREAT to have!!!


It was just the wording that made it sound like they were referring to Gen X women as being young currently and it was odd.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Yeah, and usually these people are not physically hot in any way so it’s like imagining my parents having sexual and it’s VERY awkward.


Well, no. You should really encourage yourself to think outside what you believe is normal, or the norm, or typical, however you'd like to couch that.

For example everything you just stated as fact is apparently your belief but not so and many would say atypical and in the minority. And surprisingly short sighted and self centered.

1. Many parents have great sex their whole relationship and are comfortable with that. They weather this through having kids and past when their kids are adults.

2. These parents pass on to their children how normal, good, and proper it is to have a good, healthy physical relationship with their spouse.

3. A healthy and frequent good sexual relationship normally isn't awkward. 

4. Assuming average looking or attractive people, old or young, can't share intimacy through holding hands, sharing private moments in public, or maintaining that intimate closeness by having private moments here and there, is silly. Where did that come from? Do you think all conform to your beliefs? No, they don't.

4. Most M couples have normal, healthy physical relationship and are teammates as well as life partners.

5. Your parents most likely had more sex than you'll ever know. And not awkward to them. 

6. Do you think older married couples don't have sex? Why?


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well, no. You should really encourage yourself to think outside what you believe is normal, or the norm, or typical, however you'd like to couch that.
> 
> For example everything you just stated as fact is apparently your belief but not so and many would say atypical and in the minority. And surprisingly short sighted and self centered.
> 
> 1. Many parents have great sex their whole relationship and are comfortable with that. They weather this through having kids and past when their kids are adults.
> 
> 2. These parents pass on to their children how normal, good, and proper it is to have a good, healthy physical relationship with their spouse.
> 
> 3. A healthy and frequent good sexual relationship normally isn't awkward.
> 
> 4. Assuming average looking or attractive people, old or young, can't share intimacy through holding hands, sharing private moments in public, or maintaining that intimate closeness by having private moments here and there, is silly. Where did that come from? Do you think all conform to your beliefs? No, they don't.
> 
> 4. Most M couples have normal, healthy physical relationship and are teammates as well as life partners.
> 
> 5. Your parents most likely had more sex than you'll ever know. And not awkward to them.
> 
> 6. Do you think older married couples don't have sex? Why?


1. I don’t doubt that.

2. Maybe. Generally kids aren’t privy to the sexual relationship of their parents.

3. Probably true.

4. I don’t assume that average looking people old or young can’t experience intimacy and great sex. Problem is I don’t want to picture the average 60 year old woman with a belly pooch and saggy boobs riding her 65 year old husband’s penis and giggle and getting all hot and bothered and moaning and orgasming. It’s gross to me. I don’t think everyone feels this way and I definitely don’t think the 60 year old couple going at it every M, W, F night feels that way. I don’t expect them to. Just don’t necessarily want to think about it myself but TAM has be thinking that all of these people are just going at it like rabbits at home.

5. Considering I slept in my parents bed for a decade, they couldn’t have beeen having that much sex! I found all their sex toys once I was so revolted.

6. I believe older married couples have sex but I’ve never heard them talk about it in graphic detail like I get on TAM because we’ll, I’ve never had reason to talk to a random 60 year old stranger about their sex lives before. It’s something I just conveniently didn’t think about.


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## SunCMars

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


My, aren't you the clever one!

Another's perspective can be made fluid, when properly lubed.


_Gwendolyn-_


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## SunCMars

Andy1001 said:


> Remember a low number means less men to be compared to.


Then again, if their number is high, and they choose you to be their lifetime partner, you have been compared favorably!


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## SunCMars

Beach123 said:


> Why aren’t people asking about how many partners men have had?
> 
> honestly, why would it matter? People have partners when they feel sex is a healthy part of life.
> 
> and who cares? It shouldn’t matter. And jealousy is stupid. Especially when assessing someone’s past. That’s the past.


I agree with this, _in principle._

I remember a girl in Jr. and Sr. High School that would have sex with any boy that was interested.
That number became large.

She eventually married someone from another city, but they stayed in our small city.

The man eventually divorced her, because her past became his, _now and here_.
Her past was always in his face.

She eventually moved to Florida with her children.

Don't poop, or_ bop and pop_ in your backyard.

If you errantly do, it would be be best to move out as soon as possible.
An infamous past cannot be erased.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> 1. I don’t doubt that.
> 
> 2. Maybe. Generally kids aren’t privy to the sexual relationship of their parents.
> 
> 3. Probably true.
> 
> 4. I don’t assume that average looking people old or young can’t experience intimacy and great sex. Problem is I don’t want to picture the average 60 year old woman with a belly pooch and saggy boobs riding her 65 year old husband’s penis and giggle and getting all hot and bothered and moaning and orgasming. It’s gross to me. I don’t think everyone feels this way and I definitely don’t think the 60 year old couple going at it every M, W, F night feels that way. I don’t expect them to. Just don’t necessarily want to think about it myself but TAM has be thinking that all of these people are just going at it like rabbits at home.
> 
> 5. Considering I slept in my parents bed for a decade, they couldn’t have beeen having that much sex! I found all their sex toys once I was so revolted.
> 
> 6. I believe older married couples have sex but I’ve never heard them talk about it in graphic detail like I get on TAM because we’ll, I’ve never had reason to talk to a random 60 year old stranger about their sex lives before. It’s something I just conveniently didn’t think about.


I've read your responses. I'm just a bit speechless from taking in the content at the moment.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> 1. I don’t doubt that.
> 
> 2. Maybe. Generally kids aren’t privy to the sexual relationship of their parents.
> 
> 3. Probably true.
> 
> 4. I don’t assume that average looking people old or young can’t experience intimacy and great sex. Problem is I don’t want to picture the average 60 year old woman with a belly pooch and saggy boobs riding her 65 year old husband’s penis and giggle and getting all hot and bothered and moaning and orgasming. It’s gross to me. I don’t think everyone feels this way and I definitely don’t think the 60 year old couple going at it every M, W, F night feels that way. I don’t expect them to. Just don’t necessarily want to think about it myself but TAM has be thinking that all of these people are just going at it like rabbits at home.
> 
> 5. Considering I slept in my parents bed for a decade, they couldn’t have beeen having that much sex! I found all their sex toys once I was so revolted.
> 
> 6. I believe older married couples have sex but I’ve never heard them talk about it in graphic detail like I get on TAM because we’ll, I’ve never had reason to talk to a random 60 year old stranger about their sex lives before. It’s something I just conveniently didn’t think about.


4. It's a good thing older married folk don't care about your opinion there. They were young once, have lived to be old, and still love living life. And they know if others live long enough, those folks will look old too. Everyone gets old barring illness or accidents.

5. If you slept with parents 10 yrs straight, a. Dad at least and hopefully Mom too couldn't wait until they could have their bed and bedroom back. Don't think they didn't have sex anyway.
Perhaps you being too self centered and not accepting they had a healthy sexual relationship and that it's normal, has created your hang ups of today. 
That you would still remember and be horrified, finding out they had sex, and it freaking you out still apparently may be contributing a lot to your disdain of sex today.

One more thing for you - when thinking of others don't think how weird, gross, and strange they are (to you, in your world), be happy for snd appreciate them if a couple, same if single, or whatever. Be genuinely happy for and appreciate others. 
It will change your life.


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 4. It's a good thing older married folk don't care about your opinion there. They were young once, have lived to be old, and still love living life. And they know if others live long enough, those folks will look old too. Everyone gets old barring illness or accidents.
> 
> 5. If you slept with parents 10 yrs straight, a. Dad at least and hopefully Mom too couldn't wait until they could have their bed and bedroom back. Don't think they didn't have sex anyway.
> Perhaps you being too self centered and not accepting they had a healthy sexual relationship and that it's normal, has created your hang ups of today.
> That you would still remember and be horrified, finding out they had sex, and it freaking you out still apparently may be contributing a lot to your disdain of sex today.
> 
> One more thing for you - when thinking of others don't think how weird, gross, and strange they are (to you, in your world), be happy for snd appreciate them if a couple, same if single, or whatever. Be genuinely happy for and appreciate others.
> It will change your life.


Well I would hope that older married folk and anyone else for that matter wouldn’t care about my opinions. I’d be concerned if they were. I have nothing to do with their sex lives. I just don’t want to have vivid images of them going at it running through my mind when I’m in the produce isle! 

It’s not that I don’t think my parents ever had sex. They did not have a healthy relationship though so it’s very possible that after a certain point there was very little sex happening. It’s quite a big assumption to assume they had a healthy, flourishing sex life. I don’t think they did after a certain period of time.

Yes, there could be something related to my family and parents that contributes to my feelings about sex. I mean finding a dildo and imagining my mother using it…I still makes my stomach turn. I was so angry when I found that stuff and I confronted them about it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Well I would hope that older married folk and anyone else for that matter wouldn’t care about my opinions. I’d be concerned if they were. I have nothing to do with their sex lives. I just don’t want to have vivid images of them going at it running through my mind when I’m in the produce isle!
> 
> It’s not that I don’t think my parents ever had sex. They did not have a healthy relationship though so it’s very possible that after a certain point there was very little sex happening. It’s quite a big assumption to assume they had a healthy, flourishing sex life. I don’t think they did after a certain period of time.
> 
> Yes, there could be something related to my family and parents that contributes to my feelings about sex. I mean finding a dildo and imagining my mother using it…I still makes my stomach turn. *I was so angry when I found that stuff and I confronted them about it*.


See my bolded. And I'm asking seriously.

What in the world makes you think you had the right to pronounce any type of judgment and heap disdain on them for having marital relations??


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> See my bolded. And I'm asking seriously.
> 
> What in the world makes you think you had the right to pronounce any type of judgment and heap disdain on them for having marital relations??


I don’t know. I was a little kid when it happened, not a teenager or adult.


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## Julie's Husband

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t assume that average looking people old or young can’t experience intimacy and great sex. Problem is I don’t want to picture the average 60 year old woman with a belly pooch and saggy boobs riding her 65 year old husband’s penis and giggle and getting all hot and bothered and moaning and orgasming. It’s gross to me. I don’t think everyone feels this way and I definitely don’t think the 60 year old couple going at it every M, W, F night feels that way. I don’t expect them to. Just don’t necessarily want to think about it myself but TAM has be thinking that all of these people are just going at it like rabbits at home.
> 
> 6. I believe older married couples have sex but I’ve never heard them talk about it in graphic detail like I get on TAM because we’ll, I’ve never had reason to talk to a random 60 year old stranger about their sex lives before. It’s something I just conveniently didn’t think about.


Well, at almost 77 years of age, I am pretty conscious about the sloppy belly going through andropause has given me, but when I see my wife I see that beautiful young lady I wed. Sometimes I look into her eyes and tell her "I see you in there. You can't hide from me.' 

And if you check my other postings you will find out that I have multiple orgasms and other choice bits of information. If anyone asks, I am willing to offer a description of my favorite non VIP move. 😁


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Julie's Husband said:


> Well, I am pretty conscious about the sloppy belly going through andropause has given me, but when I see my wife I see that beautiful young lady I wed. Sometimes I look into her eyes and tell her "I see you in there. You can't hide from me.' And if you check my other postings you will find out that I have multiple orgasms and other choice bits of information. If anyone asks, I am willing to offer a description of my favorite non VIP move. 😁


And I’m glad for you. I wouldn’t expect you to feel the same way about your wife as I would looking at her and imagining her having sex. She’d just be an anonymous woman to me. 

The only people that I can easily imagine having sex and it not seeming super awkward are the extremely physical attractive and physically fit people. Everybody else looks embarrassing during sex in my mind.


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## Julie's Husband

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> And I’m glad for you. I wouldn’t expect you to feel the same way about your wife as I would looking at her and imagining her having sex. She’d just be an anonymous woman to me.
> 
> The only people that I can easily imagine having sex and it not seeming super awkward are the extremely physical attractive and physically fit people. Everybody else looks embarrassing during sex in my mind.


Having those standards leads folk to pass up on some of life's best opportunities.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I don’t know. I was a little kid when it happened, not a teenager or adult.


I hope you as an adult took the initiative and talked more with at least Mom, and apologized somehow. Your Mom very possibly would've deeply appreciated that, and a deeper and meaningful conversation about sex between mom and daughter could have taken place. If she's still around it's not too late. 

Are you an only child by any chance?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> And I’m glad for you. I wouldn’t expect you to feel the same way about your wife as I would looking at her and imagining her having sex. She’d just be an anonymous woman to me.
> 
> The only people that I can easily imagine having sex and it not seeming super awkward are the extremely physical attractive and physically fit people. Everybody else looks embarrassing during sex in my mind.


Watch porn do you? 😉


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## Busy Washing My Hair

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I hope you as an adult took the initiative and talked more with at least Mom, and apologized somehow. Your Mom very possibly would've deeply appreciated that, and a deeper and meaningful conversation about sex between mom and daughter could have taken place. If she's still around it's not too late.
> 
> Are you an only child by any chance?


No. I don’t recall us ever having conversations about sex. It’s not that my mom was unwilling to talk about it with me. I was unwilling to talk to her about it. 

My mom’s dead.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> No. I don’t recall us ever having conversations about sex. It’s not that my mom was unwilling to talk about it with me. I was unwilling to talk to her about it.
> 
> My mom’s dead.


I'm sorry to hear that, I know how it goes, my mom's dead too.


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## Busy Washing My Hair

I’ve always had an aversion to sex and found it gross I suppose. As a kid I was highly disturbed by the idea of my parents doing it. It scarred me.


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## Divinely Favored

fQUOTE="TexasMom1216, post: 20575424, member: 353063"]
No. Fun, silly banter is fun. "Hot mama" is very different from "mommy" or "daddy." If a man called his wife "mommy" during sex, wouldn't that be a bit creepy? IMO, it is. Forcing a grown woman to call you "daddy" during sex is super creepy to me. You don't have to agree, you probably don't. But I am allowed to have an opinion on this.
[/QUOTE]

You surmise she is forced....


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## Divinely Favored

RebuildingMe said:


> My gf is in Greece for the next two weeks. She texted me photos of these hanging penis’ that are apparently all of the place in local markets. Her comment to me was that she was going to buy me 20 of them to hang from the Christmas tree this year instead of candy canes. I said if you buy them, I’ll hang them. Any she uses in Greece, I won’t hang. Lol
> View attachment 88790


Just occurred to me, those are bottle openers! Probably some long lost relative making those, being I am 1/5 Greek.


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## Divinely Favored

SunCMars said:


> Then again, if their number is high, and they choose you to be their lifetime partner, you have been compared favorably!


Or your the poor schmuck she settled for to raise kids with as she no longer wants to be wild in bed. Or she does but not with you, but you are good for raising and paying for her offspring with Chad/Tyrone.


Julie's Husband said:


> Well, at almost 77 years of age, I am pretty conscious about the sloppy belly going through andropause has given me, but when I see my wife I see that beautiful young lady I wed. Sometimes I look into her eyes and tell her "I see you in there. You can't hide from me.'
> 
> And if you check my other postings you will find out that I have multiple orgasms and other choice bits of information. If anyone asks, I am willing to offer a description of my favorite non VIP move. 😁


Hell do tell! Always keeping things new. When she is laying there a blubbering emotional mess and continually repeating, "OMG! You didn't do anything different...but it was so different!" 

😏😎 That's what you think!!!!

Yes ma'am you are welcome.


----------

