# she is hurt



## fireproof (Sep 28, 2010)

The other day, i grabbed my wifes arm. it hurt her physically and emotionally. now she is not sure about me. she is afraid that I am the abusive man. We have been together 12 years. This is the only time it has happened. how can I reassure her that it will not and how do i get her back?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

fireproof said:


> The other day, i grabbed my wifes arm. it hurt her physically and emotionally. now she is not sure about me. she is afraid that I am the abusive man. We have been together 12 years. This is the only time it has happened. how can I reassure her that it will not and how do i get her back?


Try relaxing and do your job.

If she wants to talk about it, talk to her.

Don't force it.

(I'm sure from the tone of your post you've already apologized. My suggestion is quit groveling)

JD


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## fireproof (Sep 28, 2010)

yes i have apologized but more importantly i asked her to forgive me. i know it will take time but i want her to not hurt.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's been with you 12 years. She knows better than anyone who and what you are. Not sure which words you could use to convince her better than her own 12 years of experience. You screwed up, it's apparently way out of character for you. You've apologized. I would just leave it at that.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Reassure her with your actions, since as the saying goes....

If you don't mind us (me) prying, what made you grip her up in the first place? I've been married for almost as long as you and i've never come close to raising my voice at my wife.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I sighned my self up for anger management classes after I pushed my wife. It was wierd being in this class with a bunch of court order wife beaters, but the point was to show my wife I had a commitment to change for her.
I would bring home all the work sheets they gave me and leave them out for her to see. Originaly I thought I didn't need the grap, and used it as a end to a means.
Well I completed the class even though I could have left at any time. Low and behold I slowed down on all the arguements , I stop shouting at work, and generaly became alot nicer to all the a** holes I ran into.

So this "stupid" class smoothed over my chick and gave me some great tools I still us ten years later.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> She's been with you 12 years. She knows better than anyone who and what you are. Not sure which words you could use to convince her better than her own 12 years of experience. You screwed up, it's apparently way out of character for you. You've apologized. I would just leave it at that.


:iagree:
good advice, receive it.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I'm not sure about you either, fireproof. One incident does not an abuser make, and she is right to distrust you for doing this one. You don't grab the arm like that of any men you become angry with, so any woman should know it is a cowardly, bullying, and abusive thing to do. But I think you have also been verbally or mentally abusive. All that normally preceded the physical aspect. Most women are stupid enough to believe their abuser's feigned remorse after just one incident (and after the 100th for that matter), so I don't believe this is your first in the abuse department. Get counseling. Get anger management. Read some books on how to treat a woman and on healthy & effective communication. And watch the movie Fireproof. I wonder why that is your moniker.


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