# Someone..anyone help me out of this darkness...



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Today has been horrible. H wrote me an email this am telling me he moved on with an OW and now has feelings an compassion. I responded and told him I feel its best if we exchange the kids bk an forth btwn another party instead of him coming to my home. He disagrees. Hecalled me and I didnt answer-he said he deleted his email act and goodbye. I didnt respond. He just called me again and I heard OW talking in the bkgrnd. He says I just wanted to tell you I deleted my email acct. I said yes I got the msg. He says Ive also blocked txt msgs and I will block from any numb you try an contact me from. I will see you in court. And he hangs up. I instantly lose it..crying,wailing..I want to throw up. I hate this. Anyone who read my previous posts we are both 30. Together 9yrs married 7 yrs. 4 kids. He is a serial cheater. when am i going to let go? Why do i keep getting knockd on my ass with the same end result? I dnt know how to let go. I want to. I dnt want to feel this pain anymore. Im sure OW is in her glory now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Today has been horrible. H wrote me an email this am telling me he moved on with an OW and now has feelings an compassion. I responded and told him I feel its best if we exchange the kids bk an forth btwn another party instead of him coming to my home. He disagrees. Hecalled me and I didnt answer-he said he deleted his email act and goodbye. I didnt respond. He just called me again and I heard OW talking in the bkgrnd. He says I just wanted to tell you I deleted my email acct. I said yes I got the msg. He says Ive also blocked txt msgs and I will block from any numb you try an contact me from. I will see you in court. And he hangs up. I instantly lose it..crying,wailing..I want to throw up. I hate this. Anyone who read my previous posts we are both 30. Together 9yrs married 7 yrs. 4 kids. He is a serial cheater. when am i going to let go? Why do i keep getting knockd on my ass with the same end result? I dnt know how to let go. I want to. I dnt want to feel this pain anymore. Im sure OW is in her glory now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your going to let go _right now honey..._


As for the OW let her 'think' she's in glory...what she's gained is a serial cheater..._let her have her prize..._

The pain...yes...there's pain...there's going to be pain because your going to grieve a loss of what you once thought was good...but girl..._'he' is not good. _ Pain subsides...as we let go and you only did that but a moment ago..so don't feel bad for having the pain...you can embrace the pain...cry scream feel...part of letting go..._but let go... _

He doesn't deserve you...he never did. Give him five minutes and he's gonna cheat on ms. glory too...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Woke up today with a different attitude. Ahh the rollercoaster of emotions! I look at my kids and realize I have to do this for them just as much as me. this hurts. By far the hardest thing ive had to do. Letting go of someone who is alive and well SUCKS! I pray I come out of this a better person and hope I can figure out the lesson to this madness. today begins day 1 nc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

It comes in waves. That's what my Dad told me, and he's right. My situation isn't exactly the same, been together 10 years, married 7, last 2 years my wife has been in love and in contact with another man, with one visit to him to start the two years, then two years of trying to fix things (me trying, her apparently just "going through the motions" as she puts it) she visted him again, then said to me "I do not want to be married, I do not love you, I DO NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED".

I am on day 4 of NC, and it is extremely difficult. I have had to text her twice, about the kids, because my parents are watching them this weekend, but no phone calls, no emails. 

Part of what has made this easier was letting go of the fact that, in all reality, my best friend (wife) is not even my friend anymore, has treated me terrible for two years, and minimized my very existence and contribution to her life. The other man in this case is married, she can never be with him, but that doesn't change the fact that she stays in contact with him and would rather keep that friendship with him than work on our marriage and our family. 

I keep telling myself these things, rather than focusing on the good times. I know how bad you are hurting, it is important to continue to talk to GOOD support sources (supportive family, counseling if available, spiritual guidance) and even communicating through this website, all good ways to get it out and also get good feedback. 

Keep your head up, I know it isn't easy, I'm dealing with it too


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am sorry that you are hurting as well. I am struggling with this NC an it has not even been a full day! I cant understbnd how a person can just disregard anothers feelings so nonchalantly! I am so hurt-the depression diet! I have to put on this happy face for the kids but im dying inside. These "waves" of emotion definately take a toll.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I am sorry that you are hurting as well. I am struggling with this NC an it has not even been a full day! I cant understbnd how a person can just disregard anothers feelings so nonchalantly! I am so hurt-the depression diet! I have to put on this happy face for the kids but im dying inside. These "waves" of emotion definately take a toll.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is very hard to do, especially when you have to try & keep it together for the kids.
When my fWH left me with 5 kids for OW many years ago, I told a friend it would be easier if he had died. I would still be grieving, but at least I wouldn't have to know I had been replaced and he was supposedly happy with another woman.
As much as you can, try to protect your kids. I did not try as hard as I should have, it was a very difficult time for our eldest son. Even when my wayward husband came home, our eldest resented him for a long time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Women can do "the 180," too! Go for it! Meanwhile, I think it would be extremely wise for you to consult with legal counsel immediately and see what your rights are and to further insure that you get primary custody of those beautiful children of yours.

Best of luck to you, m'dear! I absolutely hate to see you here at TAM, but given the status of your social situation, you couldn't have found a better place!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Starting the 180. And then IC on monday. Thank you all for the encouraging words. I am trying my best to protect my kids thru this all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Today has been horrible. H wrote me an email this am telling me he moved on with an OW and now has feelings an compassion. I responded and told him I feel its best if we exchange the kids bk an forth btwn another party instead of him coming to my home. He disagrees. Hecalled me and I didnt answer-he said he deleted his email act and goodbye. I didnt respond. He just called me again and I heard OW talking in the bkgrnd. He says I just wanted to tell you I deleted my email acct. I said yes I got the msg. He says Ive also blocked txt msgs and I will block from any numb you try an contact me from. I will see you in court. And he hangs up. I instantly lose it..crying,wailing..I want to throw up. I hate this. Anyone who read my previous posts we are both 30. Together 9yrs married 7 yrs. 4 kids. He is a serial cheater. when am i going to let go? Why do i keep getting knockd on my ass with the same end result? I dnt know how to let go. I want to. I dnt want to feel this pain anymore. Im sure OW is in her glory now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OW is in her glory now? She's hooked up with a serial cheater.:rofl: How long will it take her or him to start looking for something new? 

Get your self in shape and find a good man.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I was around your age when I divorced my WW,and now many years later she is the furthest thing from my mind.If I think of her at all it is with complete indifference.Just want you to know that all is not lost and you will feel good again in time.Heck,years from now you'll most likely be thanking God that you never wasted any more time and energy on such a lost cause.Take care of yourself and your children now.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I love this site. I wish I wouldve found it yrs ago. You guys are so brutally honest and its just what I need! I know the OW has gained nothing and my H has proven many times he cant remain faithful! If he ever comes bk I want to be at the point where without a doubt I can tell him no and turn him away!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Don't forget your appointment at the lawyers office~ you don't want to let him file first!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I was going to attempt a divorce online..but many have advised I obtain a lawyer. What happens if he files first?
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

NC at all today. For the most part it feels good not to have my feelings hurt! Im sure it will feel even better when I get these stupid ideas of R out of my head! Kids havnt mentioned him either. This is going to be such a long road!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I hate nights-bedtime. It is the lonliest time of my day. I lay here and my mind races,so many thoughts. How did I even end up here? What did I do to deserve such betrayel? Its been 24 hrs no contact and inside im dying to reach out to him. I have been on this site 3/4s of the day trying to feed off of others advice. This site truly is a God send.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nothingleft (Aug 22, 2012)

hang in there mama2five, he doesnt deserve you! why would you want to be with a man who has no respect for you and your children. be glad he released you from the hell he created for you, he is her problem now. but i hear ya about the depression diet! it did wonders for me, finally lost the weight i had since having the children


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I dont know why my heart still wants him. My brain knows its a no-go but im having trouble trying to get them to agree! And losing the baby weight is great..maybe I should write Dr.Oz and recommend he advertise this diet...lol
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## nothingleft (Aug 22, 2012)

i get it, but over time that feeling will pass. you've just been beaten down emotionally and your self esteem is in the dumps and you cant understand where you went wrong, but trust me you will never find those answers because its not about what you did, its about him and his lying cheating ways. he will never be happy because he is not happy with himself and he has no integrity. you have to go through the grieving process and the nc will help, just try to keep busy and connect with supportive friends. and definitely get a lawyer!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im going to make some phone calls in the am to get a consultation with a lawyer. This just seems surreal at times. I know I definately lost my self esteem. I did put sticky positive notes on my bedroom mirror so I can read them everyday. As for H he has no remorse-well at least he doesnt show it. NC is hard with the kids but if he doesnt push the issue to see them neither am i!
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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Hope you can find some peace tonight mama2five.You didn't do anything to deserve to be cheated on repeatedly,so please don't go looking for negative things about yourself to explain his selfish,self centered ways.He's a serial cheater and in my opinion they never put anyone first above themselves.Just ask yourself if you're really ready to stay on this merry-go-round indefinitely on the whims of a man lacking in so much at his core.Don't let him be your validation because it is worthless.Define yourself,the type of person you want to be,and the way you expect to be treated and don't settle for anything less,ever.My thoughts and prayers for you and your children.Take care.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you TBT. I know im worth more than I give myself credit for. And NO I dont want to be on this merry go round anymore-frankly im quite dizzy! Thanks for the prayers-right bk at ya 
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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

You'll be tryin to wrap your head around the 'whys' for awhile cos it's fresh. It actually lessens because you never get an answer other than...he's dumb. So when your headaches start and you can't sleep cos your wracking your brain ...back to the why why why...it's just cos he's dumb. There's just never ever gonna be a 'reason' that suits our heads or our heart. Ever. It's just easier to cut to the chase... 

Lol


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Dumb is the best way to put it! Lol went to IC today. Feel a little better and got a few numbers for legal help. 2 days NC I got this!
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## veebras (Dec 10, 2011)

I'm sorry I am in the same position. 
I suggest reading Broken Heart on Hold and Hope for te Separated if you truly in your heart want and can't shake R. 
I still hope pray and seek R. Even after all the betrayal and hurt. I'm not ready to give up so easily just to ease my pain.. There are other ways. Not sure if you are religious though. Rejoice marriage ministries has been truly helpful. They send a daily encouraging email. 
I also attended some divorce care classes at a local church. You may want to see if there is a class nearby. 
I wish you and your family the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Actually last yr when we were seperated I found Rejoice Marriage- ordered 2 books on the prodigal and i am subscribed to the daily email from Charlyne. I do pray alot. Sometimes I do want R then other times I just dont know.
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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Like others have told me on here, the worst part of an extended attempt to repair a marriage, where only one person is trying to actually fix anything, is that the spouse trying to fix the marriage runs the risk, and usually does, completely lose themselves within the broken marriage, and when everything does come to the inevitable end... that spouse doesn't even know who he or she is anymore. 

Goals? Gone. Self worth? Gone Drive to succeed? Gone. Hobbies and interests? Gone. It is utterly gut wrenching... even the most simple of obstacles: a burned out light bulb, getting my children ready for day care, even climbing out of bed... seem to take 1000X more energy than they should. 

I get by day by day knowing that things are going to get better. But God help me through these next couple of months because I can't do this alone...


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Sometimes I do want R then other times I just dont know._Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you think he's going to have an a-ha moment or epiphany? You've taken him back on more than one occasion and from his actions there's been no introspection and change on his part.

Glad to see you had IC today and keep up the NC.Take care m2f.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Po- I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I dnt even know who I am anymore due to the fact I spent so much time living for him. You are def not alone. God will get us ALL thru this. Even mins at a time. TBT- for the lngest time i have hoped and prayed that he would have an AHA moment but ur right he has had a million chances to be a good husband but he failed. He is so selfish and as Stella Moon put it DUMB! One day at a time ill wrk on me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yay Im bk on the roller coaster! (sarcasm). I was doing remarkably a hell of a lot better. Going on day 3 NC. But I feel like ive bn set back. Seen H at Mcds earlier. No words were exchanged. Seeing him makes it so hard. I drove away-felt good at the time. Now hrs later here comes the thoughts. "why didnt I stop and talk?" "what would I have even said?" i know driving away was the right thing. Im all torn up inside.
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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

You did the right thing, don't second guess it, stopping and talking to him would have played right into what you do NOT want to do, and you know you would have likely said something you should not have, be it in anger, or falling back into wanting him badly. You are doing great, continue on!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks PO! One step at a time I know. Nowhere to go from here but up.
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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I'm so sorry for you! Big hugs.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you- I needed that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Mama2five, lots of hugs your way. I hope you feel better soon. I am going through the same thing. It's been 3 months since I found out about OW. It gets better. I promise.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks Bee. I just wish there was a switch to flip and make it all go away.
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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Wish I could give all of you in this forum a hug.Sorry you're hurting.Stay strong mama2five.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I wish I could hug everyone to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

*group hug*

YOU are going to be fine




love and peace


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Mama2five-Don't lose your self esteem because of this piece of crap.Your soon to be ex is an utterly worthless husband and their is no point in reconciling with a cheater .His juvenile self centeredness is bringing about the ruin of his family.Harsh I know but its the way I feel.A real man holds his family in high regard and the day you were married vows were exchanged and he has irretrievably broken them.From a biblical standpoint grounds for divorce are adultry so you certainly need not feel bad to divorce him and (gods on your side).Tactically -filing makes you the petioner and him the respondent the advantage being you will be more in control of the speed of process. Emotionally I think it sends the message that your not going to tolerate his behavior and your standing up for yourself and taking charge of your life.With kids involved you really need to get a divorce attorney if you foresee a custody battle.After getting an attorney and getting through the initial paper work what you need to push for is mediation to see what you and your soon to be ex can agree on as far as the kids and property settlement -this is crucial to help keep attorneys fees down-if you cannot agree civility will be out the door and it will probably be a knock down dragged out fight until someone gives up or the court decides.Attorneys are not your friends they are in the business to make money the longer they can drag out your case the more money they make.Take care of yourself so you can take care of the kids,focus on them, the positives in life that you have a life worth living realize that emotionally this going to take TIME to heal -Doctors say it takes 2 years or more to heal from the loss of a mate.Vent- talk to friends,family,clergy to gain insight and support and by all means post away here for some good neutral advice -I wish I had found this site when I went through my divorce which took over 3 years.Hope my rant helps you in some way,stay strong.


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Mama2five, I know exactly what you are going through right now. This is my second NC day and it has been really difficult for me too. You had responded to my posting and I appreciate the advice that you and everyone on here has provided. We are not alone in this nightmare. I myself am really struggling to do the 180 but it really is the only choice I have left.

I also have a strong belief in God and what he can do to help the situation. My wife admitted to cheating on me and my heart went through the floor when she told me. I never had a clue about it or any suspicions because I truly trusted her. I have already contacted an attorney to discuss the possibility of divorce. I was really glad to read that D is acceptable when it comes to cheating.

I really don't want the D but the truth of the matter is that I can't trust her to remain faithful. Even if we reconciled our marriage there will always be an issue for me with her integrity and trust. Do the 180 and stick to it!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Gulf-ur rant did help! Its nice to know im not alone,even if it is under the same ****ty circumstances! I dont forsee a custody issue,for the simple fact I have to intiate him seeing the kids or he doesnt! However I didnt forsee him walking away for a POSOW either (see post in CWI) i am going to get an atty and do whats best 4 my kids and I. Thanks again 4 responding.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

heart-that is one of the biggest things TRUST. Once its gone things will never be the same. That one person you believed so much was your life partner and would never hurt you- has completely blindsided you an now gives you as much value as a piece of trash on the ground. It hurts! The thing of it is we will be much better off because we are improving ourselves by doing the 180 whereas our exes are still going to be the same *******s! And if I keep telling myself it will get better eventually ill believe it. Chin up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> *group hug*
> 
> YOU are going to be fine
> 
> ...


Scrum! Scrum!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Feeling better today. NC again. I kept myself busy but now that the evening is here the feelings of sadness and lonliness creep in.I cant wait for these feelings to subside. Ill be happy to one day be so consumed with my life that my H will be just a mere thought,if even one at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Mama2five
Glad you are feeling better. Keep up the good work. You have come a long way from were you were before. I know things will get better for you. He isn't even worth the piece of poo that a maggot crawls on. You deserve so much better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lovely way to put it Bee! Lol
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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Feeling better today. NC again. I kept myself busy but now that the evening is here the feelings of sadness and lonliness creep in.I cant wait for these feelings to subside. Ill be happy to one day be so consumed with my life that my H will be just a mere thought,if even one at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know you've heard it all before ...it does get easier. I had a heart break today...it hurt badly. I don't even want to talk about it. :'( but it hurt. And reminded me of what I miss...and how...I'm not missed by him. 
I'm rejected. You see that's the word. That's what we hate...is being rejected by the one we love. We have to embrace what's happened to us...and we don't wanna cos it hurts. 

I hate set backs...I was doing so well...and reality of it all does set in...and the pain does surface. 

...I wish I could drive away right now...but I can't. 
Sux.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Rejection is a ***** and I hate her. And setbacks suck! Im sorry your hurting once again Stella-and you know the rest blah blah blah-but how bout this...im going to pray that your POS H gets his genitals infested with the fleas from 1000 camels and his arms become too short to scratch!!! (roller coaster of emotions turned to anger in the last 45 min) gotta lovee this ride! :-/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Rejection is a ***** and I hate her. And setbacks suck! Im sorry your hurting once again Stella-and you know the rest blah blah blah-but how bout this...im going to pray that your POS H gets his genitals infested with the fleas from 1000 camels and his arms become too short to scratch!!! (roller coaster of emotions turned to anger in the last 45 min) gotta lovee this ride! :-/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol:

I'm doing ok...the above is hilarious...

The kewl thing is...is...when we do implement the 180 stuff and the letting go...when we do have a 'hurting moment or set back'...we bounce back a bit faster and faster...

I'm doin ok... I'm moving forward with a goal...


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

_and thank you....._


I needed that. 

...and need to be here...


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## damcel (Nov 27, 2012)

The only people you should worry about is yourself, and your kids. You can only help them if you take care of yourself. They need a parent who helps them through this emotional chaos and fortunately that's you. The 180 really works...even if you have to re-live all that he's done to you. Why does he deserve you? Why does he get to dictate your life? Take care of yourself hun; that's your best vengeance.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Your welcome. Im glad ur here. Its nice to have ppl to lean on during such a difficult time.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Damcel ur spot on with that. He doesnt deserve me. And when he falls flat on his face with his little fairytale-I hope to be wayyy over that!
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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Damcel ur spot on with that. He doesnt deserve me. And when he falls flat on his face with his little fairytale-I hope to be wayyy over that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It won't be a 'hope'...I'm tellin' ya... 

_it *will* be... _


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Going on day 5 NC..AND if I can keep this "will be" attitude things look good..its when hope lingers that my emotions teeter totter...
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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Way to go Mama2five! You can do it! And Stella, I had a setback too when I ran into OW at my son's school. She gave me a huge syrupy grin, and I just glanced at her as if she was an ant and walked away. I can't say it didn't bother me all day though, because I would be lying. And i am sure I will be seeing her lots. But it's getting easier to deal with! Thankfully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I feel like im just going thru the motions today. Its just one of them days.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well day 6 NC...feeling pretty good..but its also day 6 of him having NC with the kids-not even a phone call. That really gets under my skin. But what can I do?
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Nothing keep on going! You are doing great!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks Lee 
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Sure thing we all need help and some encouraging words!!!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Exactly! Hope things are going well with your situation!
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

There is no situation we are getting d and have an appt with lawyer in feb!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I just called around last wk to see the steps I need to do in order to proceed with a D as well. I guess its really for the best. Dont think id ever be able to R!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I honestly wanted to push this divorce so fast because a part of me hoped he would want to come bk..but I havent spoke to him in 7 days and I feel like now im pushing this because it needs to be done. I cnt be his doormat any longer and I def cant be anyones Plan B!
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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Just one more in your corner rooting for NC!!! It's painful and difficult. 

It's not likely he will be in NC with his children forever, but he will most likely avoid contact with them if things are tense with you.

He's doing his thing but wondering where ole reliable is, why she's not chasing him down. You are NOT out of sight out of mind. How could you be?

Ride out the storm. Keep yourself occupied here on TAM or whatever distraction works.

How about if you have an agreed time that he will return the children when he takes them, or he doesn't take them?

Best to be the plaintiff (one who files). Your attorney will explain.

It's difficult. It gets easier. Your children need you. You're sad, and it's perfectly fine to let that be known. They're sad too, and you need to comfort one another.

Lots of hugs for you. And your kids.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Upnover- Id be lying if I said that D felt like the right thing for me to do. However what choice do I have? Its not fair to me or my kids to stay married to a serial cheater. His is blatently disrespectful among other things. But it still hurts to know that its over. So while I dont think its the best thing, I guess its the right thing?
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Fmo- this NC is hell! Each day does get a little easier. I try to stay occupied as much as possible. I dnt think he will forever ignore the kids,but right now he seems so wrapped up in OW that nothing else matters?! He has never taken the kids,even previous times that ive offered. He would much rather be able to get up and go when he is done seeing them as opposed to having to bundle them up and transport them bk to me. Smh. We need all the hugs we can get and we will definately get thru this...eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Does anyone else feel like sticking their head in a blender or getting a wave of nausea and have to hold back tears after having to discuss D or fill out paperwork?! All my strength just went M.I.A
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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I can't hold back the tears when talking about it! You are not alone. My h shows no emotions what so ever and it makes me so mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

mama2five said:


> Does anyone else feel like sticking their head in a blender or getting a wave of nausea and have to hold back tears after having to discuss D or fill out paperwork?! All my strength just went M.I.A
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mama2five, I am in the same boat as you.. I think the bottom line for me in all of this is the damage that was done to our relationship with her cheating on me. The fact remains that I will never be able to trust her again. Even if we did r the breach of trust with me would be something that I don't know that I could honestly get over. I think I would be questioning her whereabouts and everything that she did apart from me would cause me to wonder where, who, and what she was doing.

I don't like the aspect of D, but I need someone in my life whom I can trust with my heart. I don't want someone around me whom I can't trust. To me this is one of the most heartless and selfish thing a person can do to someone. I know that God gave us free will to do as we please but I want to get to the point where I don't want, desire, or otherwise need my WS. I think I am going to file tomorrow and that will start the clock ticking. After 90 days it will be over. At that point in time I hope to have conditioned myself that I do not need her and even if she wants to R I want to have the strength and dignity to tell her to pound sand!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

God I hate that we are all going thru this pain. I had to break NC and talk to him on the phone...(see post in cwi) this just blows!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I could not find it what is it called
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lee its called WTF is going on this is not my fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

H took the kids yesterday and took them to his work so he could catch up but he just ends up getting on to them for playin then they call me this morning and they are up there again. It is like why even bother taking them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

At least he is taking them...more than I can say for mine!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F,

How are you doing today.Called to say hi!!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am doing lousy JMB. I was doing so good but had to break NC to discuss D papers. The less we fight about the faster and easier. My H is just a stone cold robot with no emotions i want to be detached emotionally already!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I am doing lousy JMB. I was doing so good but had to break NC to discuss D papers. The less we fight about the faster and easier. My H is just a stone cold robot with no emotions i want to be detached emotionally already!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its is ok.I understand it is tough and it is painful.
But think of it like you are dealing with a business partner with whom the business has gone worng.And stay calm and detached.

There might be moments when seeing his coldness you will feel so hurt but just know this id for th good.
There might be moments when you feel that he is showing some emotions and you want to feel that things will turn for the good again.But again do not get carried off again.

You have to make your own decisions irrespective of what he is,stone-hearted or an ice-cream about to melt.

You have to take this decision for your sanity and your children to never ever get used by a lying serial cheater.

For him to want again in life,let him die and be born a thousand times,burn himselff inorder to get back to you.Just be over with the divorce.I do not want to sound as if it is so easy and stuff.I know what it feels.I am going thru the same.And I also know how many folds the sadness and fear is there when children are involved.But in the end a strong person does what needs to be done for a healthy and sound life.And you are one strong woman.

SO take care .I wish you well again.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

My STBXH is making things so difficult. He now says he wont agree to anything unless I give him our tv and money for his bowling balls? He plays cat and mouse. The tv was a joint purchase 3yrs ago. The bowling balls he had for a long time and 4yrs ago when I caught him cheating I threw them away. Do I have to give him the tv? I know im responsible for the bowling equip but can he hold out on signing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Is it worth the headache to keep the tv?


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> Is it worth the headache to keep the tv?


Is he abnormal?WHy are you getting involved with him.He wants to pull you in his game.
Talk to him through a lawyer for joint purchase needs to be distributed equally.That did not come from his mother's or the wh**e's pocket who is currently in his life.
Is it that you want to talk to him somehow that is why you are talking to him  .Please Talk to the lawyer and do not interact directly.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Pick your battles!
Use your lawyer!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Nothing is worth fighting over anymore. Its the only tv we have but if he wants it that bad and he'll sign its worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Where do u live?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Ohio
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Well I was going to say I have an extra tv but I am in Texas!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Aww well thank you Lee. He is just an ******* and wanting to be spiteful. Will he want the couch next? Or maybe the toaster? I feel like he is trying to hurt me,like he hasnt done that enough already!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Pawn Shop or Walmart


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im not going to stress myself out over this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Not worth it! Grin and bare it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

mama2five-Your doing the right thing getting through this taking it head on.You can't spend $180plus an hour on an attorney to argue over the tv.Some people here are not giving you the best advice in my opinion.Accomplish everything you can without attorneys you will need the money later on.When I was in mediation my ex started fighting with me over the x-mas ornaments and other trivial things-she was/is pretty materialistic I gave her pretty much what she asked for until we got to the kids. Then I took the gloves off and we went to trial-I am so glad I went the distance my one daughter and I have a good life now.Be tough and don't give into ridiculous demands such as compensation for bowling balls -and yeah don't show any emotion -if you need to cry do it afterwards -don't give him the satisfaction of seeing it.Keep on posting were here for you.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I dont want to even argue with him about anything. I cant believe he is being so petty. I cannot afford to pay anyone to fight my battles. I want to make this easy but I dont think he will agree because me Ol faithful is no longer waiting!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

mama2five said:


> I dont want to even argue with him about anything. I cant believe he is being so petty. I cannot afford to pay anyone to fight my battles. I want to make this easy but I dont think he will agree because me Ol faithful is no longer waiting!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stand your ground Mama2five! I know it is difficult to do but you can do it! I don't know what kinda stuff I will face once my stbew get served but I am ready for it. Remember we are all here to support you!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

The guall of some people...


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I can understand wanting to get it over with but I would say put your foot down when you have to on the important things.Don't let him run you over.Make him respect you. I'm stern and tough with my ex when I have to be and now she knows I can be a tough customer and a lot of the baloney has stopped in the past year.Let him know where you stand.Judges don't care about the trivial house hold stuff they care about the eqitable distribution of bigger dollar items the house ,property etc and of course the kids.Yeah your ex is being petty.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

You cant start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one....


I'm not going to pretent you dont exist. Instead, I'll show you I'm doing alright without you.

Hold your head high and your middle finger higher. Let him know what he's missing.

These quotes are plastered to my mirror so I have to look at them every morning.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lee I love them quotes and as of tonight they will be on my mirror too! GWV- its a good thing him and I dont own a home together and our vehicles are separate. He agreed to an uncontested D and now that I have the papers 94% filled out he wants to bring up this crap! And he hasnt mentioned the kids at all! Of course visitation is in the papers,but to not even say anything about them? *******
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

You can and will get past this. We all will at some point!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

And thank you for the support HBP its always needed! Just when you think things are ok with the STBX'S agreeing and making things easy,they come out of the sheeps clothing!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Cause he is trying to get to you and you are letting him! We all do! Then know when we are feeling weak like they can smell it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Isnt it crazy how they can do that? They seem to never be satisfied. In my case he cheated! He broke the vows-so now that im getting out he wants to make it complicated. But your right ill be ok. WE ALL WILL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Lee-"Hold your head high and your middle finger higher"-I like that!-words to live by.Mama2five -I just don't understand these parents who are absent from their children's lives.What exactly was the point in having kids in the first place?Seems to me it was a mutual decision.One thing I learned early on in my divorce process was your exes true colors come through- if he keeps being difficult remind him of the high price of litigation to try to keep this channeled.I don't know how your state works but in Mn they have women's advocates free of charge.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im going to have to look into that GWV..im sure there must be something around here if he keeps being an ass!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> Cause he is trying to get to you and you are letting him! We all do! Then know when we are feeling weak like they can smell it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never a truer word was spoken.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

So...

I have two couches...one is a hidda bed...he wants that one...he can have it...

I have since taken the cover off of it...and delayed getting my great dane groomed...(he's on a regular schedule as I don't want a dog that smells like a 'dog')...lol...

and my dane uses it as a bed...so much tho...i've had to put the cushions out in the garage...and febreeze can't even help it now... 

When all is said and done...shxt....can't wait to get that thing outta my house...lmfao! 

Just my lil'...send off....f' you azzwhole...SMELL THIS! haha...

EW! (seriously...I need it out of my house...) it's prolly gonna hafta sit in the garage b4 all is said and done cos I can't stand it...and as I said..the cushions are already in the garage...

*evil grin...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

LMFAO! Oh well,his problem! Thats great! Seriously needed that laugh! Hahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

A thought crossed my mind today and im just wondering- when a person knows how much you love them and all you have put up with or been thru,what would make them throw that all away? If I had someone who loved me unconditionally I wouldnt walk away from that for fear that Id never find it again..just some thoughts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I would not walk away either not in me too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Just goes to show we arent all cut from the same cloth!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> A thought crossed my mind today and im just wondering- when a person knows how much you love them and all you have put up with or been thru,what would make them throw that all away? If I had someone who loved me unconditionally I wouldnt walk away from that for fear that Id never find it again..just some thoughts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They're dumb. 

They're not thinking with their heads or their hearts...their thinking soley with their peckers...tunnel vision. Selfish.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I agree-and by the time they are unable to use their "peckers" it will be too late for that unconditional love!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> So...
> 
> I have two couches...one is a hidda bed...he wants that one...he can have it...
> 
> ...


I'd seriously never divorce you. The cost in cleaning and febreeze alone would amount to a small fortune.

Your pure evil! and awesome!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I think we all have that sinister side-finding it is the kicker lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## veebras (Dec 10, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Well day 6 NC...feeling pretty good..but its also day 6 of him having NC with the kids-not even a phone call. That really gets under my skin. But what can I do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same situation here.. Day 9 of NC and no love you come back pleases! Feels nice! Helps it truly does.
Also same boat regarding the kids in a way. He watches them twice a week on off days but used to call every night to say goodnight and no longer does. He weaned himself off. Sickening. I hope it gets even better for you!
Is he not seeing kid(s) at all!!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He showed up tonight and seen the kids for 2 hrs. We didnt even speak..awkward to say the least.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## veebras (Dec 10, 2011)

That's a start..  it will get better.. Slowly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He showed up tonight and seen the kids for 2 hrs. We didnt even speak..awkward to say the least.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That was how it use to be for us... Today was a great day


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im glad you had a good day LEE. Im happy my kids got to spend quality time with their dad,it makes me happy to see them smile. I kept busy because I couldnt sit in the same room and say nothing. I have so much I want to say but I bite my tongue!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

It's priceless to see the kids happy even if it is with him!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I need the biggest dumbass award right now. I backslid far..to far. H spent the night,we stayed up talking for hrs about everything. One thing led to another..and bam I wake up feeling like ****. With the realization everything is the same. We are still separated-still moving 4ward with D. Last night seemed so easy to talk then "rugsweep". I feel like ****.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Its ok.Do not be harsh on yourself.
But you need tp have a wake up call.This is not happiness what you are pursuing.
Being with that man is not happiness.Leading a dignified and no nonsense life is happiness.Once that sets in,you shall feel good and night slike yesterday wont happen again.Take care.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Hey-If you can get through the D amicably its a hell of a lot better than what I went through my divorce attorney told me out of the 3000 plus Ds hes been involved in mine ranked in the top ten worst ones he had ever handled.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Mama2five- I’m sorry for your pain, I went through the same things many times as the W of a serial cheater and sex addict. I would also suggest you journal. I look at some of the things I wrote 8 years ago and am amazed and How I sounded. All I wanted to do was heal and have my husband and family back intact. Why is it an easier choice to accept a man back that does not respect you and will not remain faithful to you then to live without him? For me it was fear.. fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of the future. Let go of your fear and embrace your power as a woman and a mom and make the decision to let him go. If you ever see a different man, one that you can trust and has respect for you then fine you can think about letting him back in your life. but just let him go now....... he's not yours to hold on to and he will cheat on the OW. But he will not cheat on you anymore because you will not allow a known cheater in your life or heart anymore.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb- i cnt help but to be hard on myself. Im right bk at step 1. All the hurt and pain fresh again. When H lft this morning he said. "i dont regret last night,but I feel bad. I just know it wont wrk and we need to go our separate ways." My mind knows what he is saying is true-but my heart is stubborn!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

GWV-I want to be amicable. We have dne so much fighting thru the yrs there is nothn left to fight over? But I shouldnt have slept with him. That opened a whole nother whirlwind of emotions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Do you- I am so afraid. Of so many things. This sucks. I was doing so good but now Im bk down to how I was. I know being married to a seriel cheater you know exactly what im talkn about..i need to figure out how to let go?? And how did i let myself get involved with someone like this deep enough to lose my self respect...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

You have to stumble in order to move forward!!!
You can do this, one day at a time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Do you- I am so afraid. Of so many things. This sucks. I was doing so good but now Im bk down to how I was. I know being married to a seriel cheater you know exactly what im talkn about..i need to figure out how to let go?? And how did i let myself get involved with someone like this deep enough to lose my self respect...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 You will find yourself feeling great and strong a lot of times only to later fall down a little. Its a long process, but you just have to get back up and keep moving forward like Lee said. I know I've fallen a lot. Someday's I feel strong and then some times I feel lost again. Though I think as time goes on its getting easier to be strong. Hang in there things will get better.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I cried in front of him. I let my emotions get the best of me. I tried to hold it bk..I made a reference to being another notch on his belt but he says "your not a notch on my belt your the buckle,nobody else matters." wow-tht made me feel like ****. And then he tells me again today he has feelings 4 sumone else. Like wtf omg? This is my fault i knew better. Idk if i felt like i was winning him bk from OW or what- but im so hurt right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I made a reference to being another notch on his belt but he says "your not a notch on my belt your the buckle,nobody else matters." wow-tht made me feel like ****. _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK - you're kidding me...and you didn't push his a** out the door and lock it behind him? Do the 180 hard and get over him. You deserve better than this.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

She didn’t push or lock because even though it may have made her feel like s*** she will still cling to that comment. He’s manipulating her.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

mama2five said:


> A thought crossed my mind today and im just wondering- when a person knows how much you love them and all you have put up with or been thru,what would make them throw that all away? If I had someone who loved me unconditionally I wouldnt walk away from that for fear that Id never find it again..just some thoughts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tricky one. I've asked myself that too. I have a theory. 

Marriage greatly predates love. In fact, love leading to marriage is actually quite recent, people originally got married with the intent to raise a family, get sex and all that stuff. It was sort of like a contract if you will.

Now we tie love to marriage, and that changes things somewhat. Expectations are different, duties and responsibilities have evolved. And yet... marriage is still pretty much the same, I think.

Growing up, I've found myself on both sides of the physical attraction spectrum (I'm of the opinion that it's almost impossible to love someone without some initial form of physical attraction, otherwise procreation will be rather difficult to accomplish) - I've been crazy about women who didn't reciprocate, and I've had women drool over me that I had no desire for whatsoever. From my rather limited experience of the latter, I can tell you, it can be somewhat uncomfortable. 

So here's the thing - what happens when a person runs out of love? What then?? Would you prefer they remained with you, and went through the motions even though their feelings were no longer there and would never come back, just because they were afraid they may never find someone else? 

I've often wondered this myself - is it cruel if you're simply unable to return the love you're being offered (for one reason or the other)? I know people constantly say that love needs to be worked on, yet I bet few people had to work on love before getting into the relationship which led to marriage.

I don't know, I have no answers. I'm unable to remain in a relationship where I know the other party remains in because of some sense of responsibility, it's not quite what I want. 

It's a tough and exremely complicated question....


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Sleeping with the soon to be ex-big mistake.Your in a very vulnerable state and the pain is overwhelming I know but grab ahold of yourself,brush yourselfoff and show some self respect-respect you deserve.This guy is just a narcistic jerk he acts like hes gods gift to women-what a loser!If its any consolation this comes from a 44 year old male.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

m2f,don't beat yourself up too much about it.You're only human and dealing with a lot of pain and insecurity right now.What happened I'm sure was out of love and hope on your part.Your husband on the other hand did it because he could.He manipulates you and your heart because he has always been able to in the past.Look at the differences in each of your reactions...you're in turmoil and doubting yourself and he walks away contented.The fact he said he didn't regret it imo is just him setting the stage for future encounters.

Keep doing your best mama.Change isn't going to come in one fell swoop,but rather one day at a time.Hold your head up.You faltered,but you're not done yet,not by a long shot.Learn from it.Take care.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

GWV- you hit the nail on the head with narcissist!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

TBT- I fell for it-hook,line and sinker. I dont know what hope I had or why I even wanted to be with a seriel cheater. GWV was right im very vulnerable right now and feel so alone. My heart is broken all over again. I havent ate or drank anything all day because my stomach is so upset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five- You have to know that this is just a learning process. We have all been there and learned the same way you have. You have to know that. You have to learn from this. You are not perfect and no one expects you to me....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Caladan- you raise some interesting questions and definately i am thinking of the things you stated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Can someone post the link to the 180? I had it bookmarked but it got removed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, My STBEW got served D papers today. For me this was a milestone because I know that there will soon be closure to this whole nightmare. I know its hard to do but you need to stick to the 180 again. I did the same thing this past weekend where I talked with her etc but she spoke of a new male "friend" and that was the deciding factor for me. 

People who cheat on you don't care how it impacts you. He is only interested in one thing and that will lead to his social demise. He has no respect for you, its hard but let him go.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

HBP- your right. I want to let go and I know once I can get my heart and mind to match up ill be ok. I hate being in this limbo where I know he doesnt have my best interest.i know if we would R that i could never trust and I would always be worried about the next OW. He text me tonight and told me this is hard on him. When i didnt respond i guess the way he expected he flipped it on me and told me since I have the papers that ive sealed my fate?! Its all a giant mind ****. He told me he loves me and misses me as much as his heart beats but at the same time hates me? I think if he paints me as this big bad person he can feel better about himself? Im not perfect and ive been a nag and always *****ing because i never got help with the kids or the house. And then i was always questioning him about the OW's and Why he always stepped out. But this is not 100% my fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

It's not your fault at all IMHO. He has chosen to cheat on you and he is trying to make you feel as though you are the problem. I call [email protected]@it on that! Nobody is perfect but what he has done and continues to do is just wrong! He is just trying to rationalize his behavior by pinning the blame on you. My opinion, he has dug his grave now let him lie in it! Cheaters are ashamed of their actions, he is just trying to put the fault on you. Don't let him do that to you!

I haven't heard from my STBEW since she got served today, but when I do I will not be talking to her long. I don't want the heartache and rejection that she brings with her and her cheating is simply unforgiveable to me. As far as I am concerned we are done and unless a miracle happens I will not be taking her back. I have had enough of the games she has played and I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I took action. I encourage you to do the same. He needs to know that his actions are unacceptable and there are consequences for doing so.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I got the link for the 180. Ill be back to doing that for myself. Im going back to NC. and since I have the papers ill finish them and file. I cant take this heart ache anymore. I have to make this stand and stick with it. HBP goodluck on ur journey!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Good luck, mama. Once he realizes his manipulation tactics aren't working on you anymore you may see another nasty side of him you haven't before. 

We are here for you.  Good luck with NC/180.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Today has been hell. My STBXH came over this am unannounced. Myself,my 3yo and my 3mnth old were the only ones here. He started screaming at me saying I made him who he is and I make him act the way he does?! He said he is a deadbeat and he did what he was supposed to do on this earth and thats procreate. He told me I am the biggest mistake of his life and he wishes I would just take the kids and go away. All I could do is cry and I kept telling him to leave. My son was just staring at him. He took the battery out of my cellphone and threw it and my phone. He raised his fist at me but then backed up. I think he is officially off his rocker. He told me he is done with me he never wants to see me or the kids again. He took the D papers off the table and left. An hour later he called and told me he spoke to law enforcement and they advised him to tell me to leave him alone or ill get harassment chargds?! Wtf?! How did this get flipped on me? I cried for a good 20 min after he lft to. Now i feel kinda numb..like
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Who is he? And where did the H I married go? I have no option but to go dark an emotionless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Can you file a police report now???? I feel he is just saying he called the cops to scare you. Cowards like that don't like to get the police involved...

I'm so sorry  ...he's just upset he can't eat cake. Go dark on him and call the police to see your options...if you filed divorce papers, he shouldn't be able to come over unannounced anymore

ETA: i saw you haven't quite filed yet. Do that asap!!!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I am sorry to hear that! You deserve so much better then that! You have to know that deep down inside!!!
Head up girls! You will make it through this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

vi_bride04 said:


> Can you file a police report now???? I feel he is just saying he called the cops to scare you. Cowards like that don't like to get the police involved...
> 
> I'm so sorry  ...he's just upset he can't eat cake. Go dark on him and call the police to see your options...if you filed divorce papers, he shouldn't be able to come over unannounced anymore
> 
> ETA: i saw you haven't quite filed yet. Do that asap!!!


:iagree::iagree:

I'm sorry for what happened m2f. What a sorry excuse for a man let alone a husband and father. Just like a spoiled child yelling and stamping their feet when they don't get their own way...so pathetic.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

P!nk - Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - YouTube
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

WTF!!! You need to get away from this guy -he is not stable.Go to the courthouse fill out the paperwork for a restraining order-this guy is cuckoo for cocoa puffs!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Ty you all for your responses.i was able to file a police report-however they wont give me a restraining order without domestic v?! Wtf? So basically he has to cause harm? I dnt get it. I have went dark. He has not tried to contact me since earlier. Idk whats going on in his mind to make him say he never wants to talk to or see the kids again. That sucks. But with him acting like a psycho nut job Its for the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I know that you are hurting right now. You are not alone! It is hard when they make us feel like a price of trash they can just throw away! We both deserve better by someone who wants to keep a smile on our faces! Someone who would go out of there way to keep it there. We have to stay dark and when you get weak reach out to the forum! We are here for you! 

Remember head up and middle finger higher!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

do not worry.Good that you made the police report.
Did he take the divorce papers from the table with him.May be he wants to see how much child alimony he has to give to you.

See, he has never seen you so independent and sure of your mind.He is trying to make you cry etc etc.Perhaps he wants you to remain like a beggar waiting for him;He is a sick fellow.

And you do not worry about his sad and sorry threats of calling the police.The police are not idiots;he will land himself in big trouble if he ever calls the police;

Be determined and focused on having a better happy life like never before;He is to be out of our life.And when d you plan to file mama2five.
Why can you not do it soon???

Please do not concentrate on what his motivations are behind acting the way he is acting;Let him go to hell.Its time you take care of your business.No more fear,no more tears.

Also whatever the amount of attachment you feel for him,burn it for your and your children's health.

Its time to be assertive m2f.

How many times will you let him run over you.YOU DO NOT NEED HIM.Understand this.HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE THE WORST THING IN HIS LIFE(in anger or whatsoever);JUST KICK is A**.And be done with him for good.Good riddance to bad sh**.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Glad you were able to at least file a report....hang in there.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

OK- WTF? x3! Here in Minnesota you don't need a DV report to get a restraining order-somebody starts screwing with your world -stalking type behavior-has been physical with you in the past-your scared of an eminent threat-hell even accusations get restraining orders in this state-you don't even need a police report-sure their isn't a womens advocate or the like at the court house that can help you?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

GWV- I am going to call the courthouse tomorrow and see if there is an advocate. If anything Ill go down there. I need to take action.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Vi bride- I am hanging on and I will get thru this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb- yes he took the d papers with him. I had them all filled out and im listed as the plaintiff. So will he even be able to file them? I havent filed yet because its a $250 fee and I dont have it quite yet,almost. So ill just get more forms and file.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks Lee! Im glad we all have each other on this forum. If it wasnt for TAM idk what I would do! Its really a blessing!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Jmb- yes he took the d papers with him. I had them all filled out and im listed as the plaintiff. So will he even be able to file them? I havent filed yet because its a $250 fee and I dont have it quite yet,almost. So ill just get more forms and file.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not sure of the law there.Somebody out here should help you regarding this.

You shoukd not have let him take it.Have you informed the police about it.DO not be worried about anything.He cannot harm you in any manner.He is a loser.

May he just wants to see wha all is at stake for him,alimony ,allegations etc etc.DO not be fooled by his anger and do not be surprised if you find him filing earlier than you.Please go and talk to the lawyer and tell him everything.I hope you manage to get the amount for filing soon enough.


WHy did you have to let him know that you are filing.WHy are you trying to see his reaction.Just act for your benefit.He should not be your matter of attention now.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I've been busy with something serious...

I will be getting back to 'you' _young lady...._


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

caladan said:


> So here's the thing - what happens when a person runs out of love? What then?? Would you prefer they remained with you, and went through the motions even though their feelings were no longer there and would never come back, just because they were afraid they may never find someone else?
> 
> I've often wondered this myself - is it cruel if you're simply unable to return the love you're being offered (for one reason or the other)? I know people constantly say that love needs to be worked on, yet I bet few people had to work on love before getting into the relationship which led to marriage.
> QUOTE]
> ...


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He started screaming at me saying I made him who he is and I make him act the way he does?! He said he is a deadbeat and he did what he was supposed to do on this earth and thats procreate. He told me I am the biggest mistake of his life and he wishes I would just take the kids and go away.
> An hour later he called and told me he spoke to law enforcement and they advised him to tell me to leave him alone or ill get harassment chargds?! Wtf?! How did this get flipped on me? I cried for a good 20 min after he lft to. Now i feel kinda numb..like
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Man these cheeters are masters at manipulation, one has to wonder if they were born with this ability they are so good at it. Keep strong, if nothing elses this should confirm that he is not the man for you anymore!!!!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Mama,
I am so sorry your are dealing with this. Very good of you to file a report, even if they won't issue a restraining order yet, it creates a paper trail for you and the kids. Sorry I don't remember, but where did you get the D papers? I doubt very much that he will file them since it costs $250 in your jurisdiction. If you got it from an attorney, they will give you a second copy of the same ones, that is not a big deal. Get the papers filed as soon as you can. Have you gone to legal aid? 
Cheaters almost always blame others for their actions. Mine blamed me, his kids, his boss, the grass-anyone but himself. Remember he is the only one responsible for his actions.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Man these cheeters are masters at manipulation, one has to wonder if they were born with this ability they are so good at it. Keep strong,* if nothing elses this should confirm that he is not the man for you anymore!!!!*


I couldn't agree with this statement more. 

When my ex broke into my new place after I had been moved out for a month when I wasn't home....wow. Just wow. He went through my things, my tablet, threw his phone at me, accused me of cheating on him and then proceeded to blameshift and try to beg me back. He got irate at times and was just a plain @sshat. 

I couldn't file a police report as they said we were still married (I hadn't filed for divorce yet) even though he broke into MY HOUSE where I was the only one on the lease!!! 

I was so upset at what he did but it made me realize that he is very selfish, had no concern for what I wanted (I never gave him my new address he found it by other means as I didn't want him to know where I lived) and that really helped with the process of detaching from him. 

I hope your stbx true colors have helped push you in that direction as well.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

can someone here help m2f with the divorce proceeding norms.if you must have seen she was concerened about him filing earlier than her(as she does not have the requird money to file currently)? What can be the implications.How can she protect herself against him.

The bully had the audacity to take the divorce papers from her house.This kind of behaviour needs to be stopped.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Pluto- I got the papers online from our county website. I did call legal aide today and they are sending me out forms and info about a restraining order.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb- I have more forms coming from legal aide so all is well. Thank you. Also the papers I had that he took were already filled out with me listed as the plaintiff. There were a few empty spaces where he needed to fill in his info, and then the two of us were to go sign them in frnt of a notary before they can be filed. So my sig is not on them. I was thinking even if my sig was forged I still dnt think he can file that set because he isnt the plaintiff. Am i wrong?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Vi- His true colors have def pushed me in the direction I need to go. I slept great last night woke up today feeling good- had a wave of sadness for a while but brushd it off by reading all of the responses on this thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I am glad that you were able to get to sleep and wake up with a clear head. This forum is a great place to find some advice and must of it is great cause no one had a steak in the marriage


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Jmb- I have more forms coming from legal aide so all is well. Thank you. Also the papers I had that he took were already filled out with me listed as the plaintiff. There were a few empty spaces where he needed to fill in his info, and then the two of us were to go sign them in frnt of a notary before they can be filed. So my sig is not on them. I was thinking even if my sig was forged I still dnt think he can file that set because he isnt the plaintiff. Am i wrong?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ok cool.We are good then.:smthumbup:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lee-this forum is like a Godsend to me. The days im really sad I come here and read and read. Its terrible that so many ppl in the world are going thru this ****. However its nice we all come together and support one another!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Lee-this forum is like a Godsend to me. The days im really sad I come here and read and read. Its terrible that so many ppl in the world are going thru this ****. However its nice we all come together and support one another!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel the same.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Someone..anyone help me out of this darkness...*



jmb123 said:


> I feel the same.


Me too!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Does anyone know any good books to read besides CoDependant No More and Dont Call That Man?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

One thing im having trouble coping with I dont want to disclose the details on a public forum- but STBXH compared me to OW in some ways and I cant get the thoughts out of my mind,everytime I think of them I get an overwhelming feeling of nausea and anxiety..like I just cant believe his audacity. I can never look at him the same again- his words cut like a double edged sword-perhaps tht is what hurts the most?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> caladan said:
> 
> 
> > So here's the thing - what happens when a person runs out of love? What then?? Would you prefer they remained with you, and went through the motions even though their feelings were no longer there and would never come back, just because they were afraid they may never find someone else?
> ...


Somehow, I don't think your biblical version of love is the same version that we use when we choose a partner. What you refer to here is brotherly love. A person can divorce his/her significant other without breaking those.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I agree with you they can divorce with out breaking those, But the reason would be why a divorce? I would never stand in judgment over someone’s reasons to divorce, but I stand by that yes the quote can refer to brotherly love, its also how Christ loved the church and how husbands are told to love their wives. Wives are told to Honor and respect their husbands. Why would we expect more from brotherly love than romantic love, shouldn’t if anything the standard be even higher?


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I agree with you they can divorce with out breaking those, But the reason would be why a divorce? I would never stand in judgment over someone’s reasons to divorce, but I stand by that yes the quote can refer to brotherly love, its also how Christ loved the church and how husbands are told to love their wives. Wives are told to Honor and respect their husbands. Why would we expect more from brotherly love than romantic love, shouldn’t if anything the standard be even higher?


See - here's the thing. This same Christ you refer to went around breaking and changing the rules. Marriage was made for man, and not man for marriage. You divorce because... well for whatever reason.

If this was say 20BC, I'd be totally against divorce because of the sheer setback that divorce inflicts upon women.

Today there's a lot more equality. I couldn't care less.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its cold and snowy out. I hate evenings they are the worst. I constantly wonder what is he doing? Fact of the matter is-why do i even care?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

You have to know that you are better off alone then with him and the way that he treats you. You have to remember the way that he acted infront of your children. You dont want your children to think that the way that he treats you is ok.....Head up


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its sinking in. As much as I dont like it-its reality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Its sinking in. As much as I dont like it-its reality.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know that this is hard to hear... But you have to know that you deserve better...


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> One thing im having trouble coping with I dont want to disclose the details on a public forum- but STBXH compared me to OW in some ways and I cant get the thoughts out of my mind,everytime I think of them I get an overwhelming feeling of nausea and anxiety..like I just cant believe his audacity. I can never look at him the same again- his words cut like a double edged sword-perhaps tht is what hurts the most?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ys had recieved some indirect and direct comparisons and other crap like that.Initially id did not understand.
Later on i went to despise him thinking that I am no commodity that he can compare me to anybody.If i had started compaaring he would be win the award of the most unwanted and characterless person in the world( i think that now).That point of time i was blineded by my attachment.

I feel I am so good now having no more to take any of his crap.Yes but sometimes i feel I should have treated him in the worst of manner while he was with me;i missed the oppurtunity to show him where his real place is.after his fasle allegations and all i know what a selfish,narcissit,fasle-ego boosting fellow he is;he just thinks about himself-as if the rest of the world is there just to quench his thirst and greed.Enough venting.phew....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lol JMB...Narcissits are so EVIL! Idk how I didnt catch onto that sooner? Oh wait, I know why...because he is MANIPULATIVE and I was like some hollowed out puppet on a string! Moment of anger!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Lol JMB...Narcissits are so EVIL! Idk how I didnt catch onto that sooner? Oh wait, I know why...because he is MANIPULATIVE and I *was* like some hollowed out puppet on a string! Moment of anger!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Key word....._was..._


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Mama2five the more I read about your ex not only is narcisism at works here it sounds like sadism as well.Talking to you and comparing you to the other woman and how you are the beltbuckle ,never wants to see you and the kids again-comments all to inflict maximum pain on you-was he this way during your whole marriage?I think you need to start refering to him as the a-hole and stick with it- it will give you clarity and help to get over this loss that really is no loss at all given his demeanor.But yeah I know it still hurts.I envision myself in the arms of a loving mate someday-you need to have a vision too-some hope.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

GWV-Your absolutely right a**hole suits him better. I dnt want to make any excuses for him,however our whole marriage he has been a liar and a cheater. In 2007 and 08 we went thru domestic violence I had him arrested and it never happened again. He played the loving husband at times it was to good to be true! And then there was times where he was pure evil making comments about my deceased mother-saying she died because im a w*ore?! Things like that you never 4get but I am so damn codependant on him I still held on! One would def call that insanity. Ive fought so hard for this because he was my first love- I wanted my family intact. And I pushed my morals and self respect aside. I always said id never stay with a cheater? Hmm..and i married a serial cheater! The past yr he has been the worst. hateful,spiteful..but i still was clinging to hope? GOD help me to wake up and LET GO!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all,and let the marriage bed be undefiled,for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks GWV I needed that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

So a**hole called me last night twice. I didnt answer and he didnt leave a msg...obviously it was nothing important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Stay dark, mama!

Yup, if it was an emergency of some kind he could leave a vm. Just trying to test the waters to see where you stand with him.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am not biting the bait! Feeling good today!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Boy when all the thoughts come bombarding you at once the feeling of being ok jumps out the damn window!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

What are you doing to distract yourself and take your mind off things?


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

mama2five said:


> Boy when all the thoughts come bombarding you at once the feeling of being ok jumps out the damn window!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hang in there M2F! My STBXW actually stop by our home today while I was not here. She brought dog food for the dogs. I never talked to her just got a text mssg saying she dropped it off, I said thanks and she told me where she left it and I said ok. That was it. I don't know if she was counting on me being here or not. In some ways I wish I was and in some ways I am glad I wasn't. One day at a time. I want to head to the gym tomorrow but these last few days I have had NO motiviation to do anything. My biggest issue right now is being alone. I hate it, but every moment that passes I am reminded that the reason I am alone right now is due to her actions. Friday and Saturdays were our time to do whatever but since this has happened I just sit and watch TV, sleep, and try to get through another day.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im surd a**hole is out living it up. Ive been spending alot of time sleeping but with the kids I need to snap out of this. We drew pictures today and made cookies,so I do try and distract but like my 6yr old drew a picture of our family with dad..and it just triggered some thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im surd a**hole is out living it up. Ive been spending alot of time sleeping but with the kids I need to snap out of this. We drew pictures today and made cookies,so I do try and distract but like my 6yr old drew a picture of our family with dad..and it just triggered some thoughts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know how you feel. My youngest broke down the other night at bed time telling me that she wants daddy to come live with us again... It hurts to see them upset. All I could do was tell her that we both love her no matter what weather he is here or not. I hate seeing the pain in there eyes... I miss the family so much at times... I am angry inside when I look at him.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I miss the family to...even tho it was dysfunctional. However I know it will be better this way. The impact it has on the kids is the hardest. And our idiot ex's dont have to deal with all the ?s and tears that we do. It should be illegal to tear up a family!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I miss the family to...even tho it was dysfunctional. However I know it will be better this way. The impact it has on the kids is the hardest. And our idiot ex's dont have to deal with all the ?s and tears that we do. It should be illegal to tear up a family!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I totally agree!


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Im surd a**hole is out living it up. Ive been spending alot of time sleeping but with the kids I need to snap out of this. We drew pictures today and made cookies,so I do try and distract but like my 6yr old drew a picture of our family with dad..and it just triggered some thoughts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pop into Social once in awhile for a break.You might like it.

Sorry for what you're going through.Hang in there.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I read somewhere NOT to take anything your STBX says at face value,because they are hurting to. Um...I call bull****! I dont see how someone can look at you with such hate in their eyes and say such belittling things and NOT mean them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I highly doubt your serial cheating stbx is hurting.More like he's really po'd that he's not in control anymore.You're probably seeing his true nature now.I know his words hurt but just think about the character of the person who is spouting them,they carry no importance other than to spew his venom.Stay strong in yourself mama,you know in your own heart that you're a good and decent person.His words have no value and are full of deceit.Take care.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks TBT I highly doubt he is hurting either..he shoulda been a salesman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are you m2f.Thinking of you!!Take care.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

There is a song called Shameless-by Garth Brooks,its on repeat in my mind and I havnt heard it in forever. Wth? I had a good day-spent time with family and stayed occupied. Then this evening I got a msg on fb from an aquaintance I guess you would say? We never talk outside of fb. Anyways she says "I seen your husband earlier with some woman at walmart-do you know its not the same one he lives with?" shoot me now- i feel sick. But i knew this i mean i know him- its never just one. It never shouldve been any. Needless to say I blockd her-mayb kind of harsh but I dont want to hear about him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Good, You did that.It was not harsh.Such insensitive people should mind their ways.It was none of her business to give you info about thta POS.

But one funny thing you should laugh about is the POS is having an awful time.He is already burning in the hell he has created.

Just keep away from things which are not conducive to your wellbeing like FB or never feel bad about being rude to syupid people.

And do not think about them.Do something just for yourself.A good special meal,play with your kids (now they must be sleeping),read good books etc.

Just be happy.Do not let anything ,anyone pull you down.We have got this one life and we shall make the best of it.To hell with losers.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I read somewhere NOT to take anything your STBX says at face value,because they are hurting to. Um...I call bull****! I dont see how someone can look at you with such hate in their eyes and say such belittling things and NOT mean them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats at the end of the 180 list I believe. 

Yea I didn't go for it with my stbxh either...not everything is fit for our individual cases. Quite frankly your stbxh isn't hurting...he doesn't 'slow down' enough to hurt. He doesn't think with his heart...or his brain. Neither does my stbxh. 

As for the chick on fb that gave you a bit of info on your ex...what a crock of crap...she needs to be slapped til next sunday...lemme just reach her for you...seriously? How spiteful. Deleted...blocked and 'gone'...you don't need the drama. That crap is not part of your healing...

I haven't smacked you for reaching for the crack pipe yet... 






How'd that work for you? Hurt huh? Sucked huh? Well...now that thats done and over with...I hope your done beating yourself up about it. You know what...that was part of 'this'...you 'had' to find out what would happen...you 'had' to have the experience... 'you needed to know'...and you did. Our heart strings are a funny thing aren't they? 

We try and stay strong...it's not an ez road man...had my crack been dangling in my face...sheeeeit....i'dda taken a hit...too...but it didn't and i'm better for it. 

not now tho...now I'd hit him in his pipe hole with a two by four on the spot...now... I'M MAD. 

You...had to do what you had to do...you sweet little thing you...and yanno what...you recovered quite nicely I may add by reading your posts  You are some kinda strong girl... you really are. You have your moments...we all do...we...all...do...

But remember mama...from here on...how you felt...right after he walked out that door after your 'deed'...remember the comment about the belt buckle...was that sposed to be a compliment? Your the buckle and the others are what??? The holes?... 

He's a f'n wanna be casanova who's an epic fail as a man...he doesn't deserve the sperm sack God gave him for procreation. 

He doesn't deserve you. He hurts you. And the other women...he hurts them too... he will always live in a never ending cycle of chaos and unhappiness. He will only live for a moment of self gratification because he has no self respect or self esteem...he's imature. A tadpole of a man. 

Your going to come out on top...you already have...you already are actually...it's 'maintaining'...that is hard on us... all of us. 

Damn crack man... hate the sht. But we all want our fix...

We just need to clean out our systems...and simply 'quit smokin' the crap... yanno. 


We need to want to get ourselves healthy...

Change our crack for some sugar cane baby... 

*muah... here for you mama....


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Thats at the end of the 180 list I believe.
> 
> Yea I didn't go for it with my stbxh either...not everything is fit for our individual cases. Quite frankly your stbxh isn't hurting...he doesn't 'slow down' enough to hurt. He doesn't think with his heart...or his brain. Neither does my stbxh.
> 
> ...


Stella,

*" A tadpole of a man. "* :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 


I feel so good!!!:smthumbup:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you ladies for the encouraging support. I laughed so hard when I read the end of your comment stella! I think ill draw a little tadpole man and stick on my mirror! And yes...damn that crack is ADDICTING-but no longer worth it for me! The after effects pull on my heart strings to much. I read all these posts daily and I really have completely diff outlook on my M. I know ill have my setbacks..thats a given,however I also know ill move past them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> ys i missed the oppurtunity to show him where his real place is.after his fasle allegations and all i know what a selfish,narcissit,fasle-ego boosting fellow he is;he just thinks about himself-as if the rest of the world is there just to quench his thirst and greed.


Wow are we married to the same man?


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Wow are we married to the same man?


  

:scratchhead: oh so i did not know this.



Polygamy  ;lets take him to the court and kick his dumb a**.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Thats at the end of the 180 list I believe.
> 
> Yea I didn't go for it with my stbxh either...not everything is fit for our individual cases. Quite frankly your stbxh isn't hurting...he doesn't 'slow down' enough to hurt. He doesn't think with his heart...or his brain. Neither does my stbxh.
> 
> ...


How are you Stella.I hope the mission is on!! And we get to hear some good news.What say M2F.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> :scratchhead: oh so i did not know this.
> 
> 
> 
> Polygamy  ;lets take him to the court and kick his dumb a**.


Thanks for making me laugh, I really needed it this morning.....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Ladies...the men we deal with could prob be the head of a Polygamist Community..lmao..I reread that buckle comment mine said. And I wonder in his eyes am i the one who "binds us all together" wtf? Lmao..i replay tht comment daily..and im REALLY LMFAO about him being a wannabe casanova! Like,do we really think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread? Newsflash!! Has neone seen the movie magic mike??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Like,do we really think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread? Newsflash!! Has neone seen the movie magic mike??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How do they keep getting these "woman" who are willing to sleep w/a married man. The one my stbxh is with right now has been seeing him for a year and a half.... let me quote a couple of her emails to him.....are you ready for this (oh and by the way "coffee = sex" H name, I did enjoy coffee with you as always... but you are getting me a little confused as to where your feelings are at. you do talk about your wife alot.....therefore, I have some thinking to do.... and it might be just because my friend is with me and I may be oversensitive...Ill figure it out, I hope you had a good night’s sleep.... I love you.....D" 

another one says " thank you so much for our coffee adventure... you will finish if I have a stroke.... I will remember that...it does make me smile.. I enjoy being with you and trust you completely... I think of you so much... You are with me and in my Heart" my stbxh response to that email.... "Cute D... I love when you climax like that for me WOW I could feel you’re cum come out and splash. Love you too." 

Believe it or not this did not bother me... Of course it hurt and I felt it was so gross reading that... however his response to her vowing she trusted him and her love was so totally just about the sex..... anyways many of his other woman new he was married, some new me personally.. he can be a charmer and I always thought he was good looking but really.....????? What are they thinking? How can you trust someone completely when their a cheater.....?
:scratchhead:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Wait a min...are WE married to the same man? Thats insane. I really cant believe the principles of these OWS. For her to say "you talk about your wife alot." NO! Ya dont say? Wtf does she expect? HES MARRIED! I never will understand that. And the whole "I trust you." that made me ill. How in thee **** do you trust a married man who is cheating on his wife? Wow. Reminds me of the dumbass OWS my H deals with. Ill tell you this, if I met a man who said..btw im married,i have 3 kids and my wife is pregnant. My response will NOT be to spread my legs and have a rendezvous! The gall of some ppl!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> How do they keep getting these "woman" who are willing to sleep w/a married man. The one my stbxh is with right now has been seeing him for a year and a half.... let me quote a couple of her emails to him.....are you ready for this (oh and by the way "coffee = sex" H name, I did enjoy coffee with you as always... but you are getting me a little confused as to where your feelings are at. you do talk about your wife alot.....therefore, I have some thinking to do.... and it might be just because my friend is with me and I may be oversensitive...Ill figure it out, I hope you had a good night’s sleep.... I love you.....D"
> 
> another one says " thank you so much for our coffee adventure... you will finish if I have a stroke.... I will remember that...it does make me smile.. I enjoy being with you and trust you completely... I think of you so much... You are with me and in my Heart" my stbxh response to that email.... "Cute D... I love when you climax like that for me WOW I could feel you’re cum come out and splash. Love you too."
> 
> ...


Your men are 'empty' ...these women are 'empty'...they lead empty lives. They are incapable of serious fulfilling love and relationships. They are shallow. They are empty shells. This is about sex...the women 'think' it will or would be more but they are fking wanna be casanovas. 'Men of zero substance'. Let these women have them. It's a vicious cycle. Nothing meaningful. It never will be. 

That's why...ladies...the realization here is...aye...let these azz hats go. It's tuff...sad...but when you pick it apart for truth...it's fing hilarious! Let these chicks go thru the anguish you gals are getting rid of. These guys will forever remain what they are. Prideful arrogant heat seeking moisture missiles with no sense of true manhood. Is that what you want sleeping next to you? Do you not already posses children? 

There ARE men out there that DON'T do this to women. 

I would rather wait to find a good man...or die alone. 

Staying with what we've had already ladies....we were already dying to ourselves daily anyway....we're we not?


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Your men are 'empty' ...these women are 'empty'...they lead empty lives. They are incapable of serious fulfilling love and relationships. They are shallow. They are empty shells. This is about sex...the women 'think' it will or would be more but they are fking wanna be casanovas. 'Men of zero substance'. Let these women have them. It's a vicious cycle. Nothing meaningful. It never will be.
> 
> That's why...ladies...the realization here is...aye...let these azz hats go. It's tuff...sad...but when you pick it apart for truth...it's fing hilarious! Let these chicks go thru the anguish you gals are getting rid of. These guys will forever remain what they are. Prideful arrogant heat seeking moisture missiles with no sense of true manhood. Is that what you want sleeping next to you? Do you not already posses children?
> 
> ...





*"I would rather wait to find a good man...or die alone. *
"

ME TOO.I FEEL THE SAME.


Stella ,when I read your latest posts,I feel you are like robinhood and we are part of robinhood's gang.:toast:


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> *"I would rather wait to find a good man...or die alone. *
> "
> 
> ME TOO.I FEEL THE SAME.
> ...


We are all equal in pain doll...we are learning together how to cope. 
You people do so much for me daily than you will ever know... 
Xoxoxoxo


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

mama2five-Garth Brooks swimming in your head?Given where your at I think Nazareth Hair of the Dog is more appropriate Nazareth - Hair of the Dog - YouTube


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Can we make this the forum anthem?


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Hey MM glad to see your doing better, I was listening to music today and a song that helped me through a bad break up was Evanescence "Call me when your sober. That song reminds me of your current situation. Very empowering song when you feel down.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Gwv....good song! Lol would be a great anthem!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Boy when all the thoughts come bombarding you at once the feeling of being ok jumps out the damn window!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats for SURE.......!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I know you get tired of hearing this, I do too. You will be ok! Those feelings will pass. I havnt heard from a**hole since he threw his tantrum. Something clicked in me that day. Now if I find myself thinkn of him or missn him, I turn my thoughts bk to him yelling at me telling me I was his worst mistake-in frnt of my children. And now I feel disgust. So trust me it will get better. Hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I know you get tired of hearing this, I do too. You will be ok! Those feelings will pass. I havnt heard from a**hole since he threw his tantrum. Something clicked in me that day. Now if I find myself thinkn of him or missn him, I turn my thoughts bk to him yelling at me telling me I was his worst mistake-in frnt of my children. And now I feel disgust. So trust me it will get better. Hang in there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


M2f is your feeling going to change if tomorrow he comes again and manipulates you by saying that he said whatever he did in anger?Then what?Something like he telling you that you are the buckle(and the rest the holes etc...all this crap);;;the point is we have to reach a level in which whatever they say -good or bad-we decide what is good for us-and we do not get carried by these manipulative POS.
enough is enough;they get to decide nothing now;no more games,no more emotions and drama;
we have to stand on our feet;and make it a point that never again in life shall we be so dependent on anybody that there staying with us or leaving us has any impact on us;This has been the worst of all agonies;No more;;;;;

I said this because you ahve to picture your whole life what it has become today when you see yourself melting;Then you will have a reality check;;;Its tough in the beginning,but with time we become strong,so strong.take care.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> That's why...ladies...the realization here is...aye...let these azz hats go. It's tuff...sad...but when you pick it apart for truth...it's fing hilarious! Let these chicks go thru the anguish you gals are getting rid of. These guys will forever remain what they are. Prideful arrogant heat seeking moisture missiles with no sense of true manhood. Is that what you want sleeping next to you? Do you not already posses children?


I whole heartedly agree. It’s not bothering me to let him go, I feel better than ever that I made the right decision. Its how much fear controls my life that overwhelms me right now and that he still has the capability to intimidate me, vocally, financially. Just when I think I’m getting my backbone back I’m shacking in fear over this court appearance and him coming out on top...I have been so dependent on him for everything for 35 years. I never even put gas in my car, he even did the grocery shopping usually. I just want to put my head under a blanket and let him have everything so I don’t have to do any of this....Sorry Mamma2five, I got on this to help you and feel I have posted to much about me latley….....


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I whole heartedly agree. It’s not bothering me to let him go, I feel better than ever that I made the right decision. Its how much fear controls my life that overwhelms me right now and that he still has the capability to intimidate me, vocally, financially. Just when I think I’m getting my backbone back I’m shacking in fear over this court appearance and him coming out on top...I have been so dependent on him for everything for 35 years. I never even put gas in my car, he even did the grocery shopping usually. I just want to put my head under a blanket and let him have everything so I don’t have to do any of this....Sorry Mamma2five, I got on this to help you and feel I have posted to much about me latley….....



I have also felt similar apprehension not about losing him but that what shall follow.But now no more.I am letting one day coe at a time and I pray.Its kind of surrendering myself to eternity.

Worst being I got into middle of all this when I was not in job.job hunt going on.So wish me luck to have my finacial backbone back.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

It will get better, ladies. You are taking the steps you need to relieve yourself from the emotional stress and trauma that your @sshat husbands have dealt to you over the years. Yes its hard. Yes it hurts. Yes you want things to be different.

But when they start to show their TRUE colors so outright, be glad that they are. Those are the people they have been the entire time - they are just able to cover up so well with their "charming personality". Once you start to see through that charm you are closer to setting yourself free.

My ex had that power over me. For months even after I moved out. But I can see that you ladies are seeing the light. You are taking the right steps in the right direction to move on with you life. 

It takes time, some more time than others but yes, time is the key. Time and being hurt over and over and over again by your stbx. One day you will wake up and realize that your life is so much better without him. You won't be walking on eggshells or wondering what he is doing or if he will be in an ok mood when he gets home. You won't have to wonder how to approach a situation so he doesn't get mad at you or turn things around. You will feel the calm that is living without emotional abuse and manipulation!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> It will get better, ladies. You are taking the steps you need to relieve yourself from the emotional stress and trauma that your @sshat husbands have dealt to you over the years. Yes its hard. Yes it hurts. Yes you want things to be different.
> 
> But when they start to show their TRUE colors so outright, be glad that they are. Those are the people they have been the entire time - they are just able to cover up so well with their "charming personality". Once you start to see through that charm you are closer to setting yourself free.
> 
> ...


Well said. Excellent. Perfect. Uplifting and true...very true...

The fear we have jmb/doyoureallycare2 ..I have it too...as dumb as it sounds for me...lol...the guts of my house...furnace etc..is 'under' the house...a crawl space...I haven't been under there yet...and my furnace went out during the night...I called the furnace guy...financially have a cushion when you can (mechanics etc)...

Here's something funny...I live on the lake...there's mice...ok...so 'mice season' kicks in...dooshcanoe set the traps...snap traps...the rule was I was to never see them...well...wtf...guess THATS gonna change! haha! EW! Crushed mouse heads snapped in traps...yuk! Now it's my problem...I have a cat...he's a mouser...but not full proof...etc...

Point is...one minute at a time...gas up your car...go to the store...crawl under the house (in the summer)...get used to touching icky crushed mouse heads...have a mechanic...find a job...and never be afraid to ask friends or strangers for help...

The fear will lift...at the end of the day you will realize you gained some independence from your 'ex'.... one minute at a time...one accomplishment at at a time. 

You nail them as they come...no dwelling on the 'what ifs'...you will make yourself crazy...and cause anxiety for crap that hasn't happened. Don't do that...It's ok to think ahead...plan ahead...but dont think of it as 'i can't'...rather it's ....'well for this now I have to do this'...'i have to ask for help on that'...'and I can get over the fear of crushed mouse heads or have mice'....hm..... lol!!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb- my plan is to keep NC so I wont be put in the position to be manipulated. I will not answer the door if he comes over,he no longer has a key. I got my forms for legal aide-filled them out now have to mail them bk and wait for a call. This wont be the first time he "said something out of anger" but i REFUSE to be walked on anymore. So if he did choose to apologize {which he wnt becuz he is a POS NARCISSIST} THEN i would tell him to shove it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare-feel free to vent on my posts whenever you need to! We are all here for each other!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Well said. Excellent. Perfect. Uplifting and true...very true...
> 
> 
> Here's something funny...I live on the lake...there's mice...ok...so 'mice season' kicks in...dooshcanoe set the traps...snap traps...the rule was I was to never see them...well...wtf...guess THATS gonna change! haha! EW! Crushed mouse heads snapped in traps...yuk! Now it's my problem...I have a cat...he's a mouser...but not full proof...etc...


Thanks, Stella.

Oh and just for you, here is a link to some awesome mouse traps that you don't have to touch their crushed heads. They work amazing, are easy to set and less chance of accidently touching mouse guts! 

Amazon.com: Tomcat 100-33505-3 2-Count Mouse Snap Trap: Patio, Lawn & Garden


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Loving those mouse traps! Ladies..we are going to be just FINE.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Yuck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I had been asking my husband to get some mouse traps while we were still together, he had more important things to do, The first week he left I went and bought some of those Tom-Cat ones (asked the hardware owner which I should get) they work great except one mouse didnt die and tried to take it down the pipe drain with him and got stuck. I could hear the squealing for a couple of hours.. drove my cat nuts.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Eww gross!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I heard from the store guy tho that those ones don't always kill instantly...I can't have that..half dead thing goin on...I need a SNAP! DEAD...no pain type of thing...yea..might be a splatter...but menards guy and dude at hardware store frowned on those ones...

I figure I will stay with snap traps...and use the long spatula dooshbag used for grilling to scoop up entire mess and bag the things...done. haha! I will have gloves on...eye protection...rubber boots...and maybe down a couple shots of tequilla...so I will be fully armed! haha! if i happend to come across a half alive one...although rare with a snap trap...I will double bag it...and run over it with my fj immediately. I don't like things suffering...but I can't have mice running around...not going to happen...so I will have to 'woman up' and deal with this...

There's the option of live traps...and then set them free in the field...but if i don't get to them right away...they will suffer and die of dehydration and starve...I 'might' try to have a couple of those and be consistent...but with mice poop and pee...those could get icky fast and ew...smelly...so...I dunno...

it would be nice to just have a friggin slew of tom cats around...but that's not an option...lol...would be kewl tho...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

The sadness keeps trying to creep in today. Damnit im bound determined not to let it. After all why waste any more tears on POS who could care less about his wife or kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Cheer up M2f.

'It is for us to decide whether or nnot we accept sadness;these are states of mind';

So you are in control of yourself and how you want to feel.Please decide not to be sad ;Choose happiness.

What iis the best moment for you in a day,something which you nejoy doing???:

Also our happiness never was,is not and never will be dependent on anything or anybody external,be it those POS or any sad situation in life;Its in our mind!!!


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

mama2five said:


> The sadness keeps trying to creep in today. Damnit im bound determined not to let it. After all why waste any more tears on POS who could care less about his wife or kids?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It is ok to be sad, it is what you do with that sadness! I write in my journal when I feel said it is a place were I can express everything that is running through my head and some times it is alot. I also turn on my go to songs, I downloaded them to my phone so when the mood hits I turn them on.... Or I go and look at my bathroom mirror where I put the quotes!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lee-what are some go to songs? I have like 2 that get me out of a funk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Look at the thread my strength song! Lots of people posted some songs that works for them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Maybe Lyrics - Sick Puppies - YouTube

This song reminds me of the positive of change


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lately the sadness doesnt last as long as it used to. I take that as a sign im gettn better. It still hurts,as much **** as he has put me thru I still have that piece of my heart that wishes he would come bk and be so full of remorse. Wth? There is no point-I dnt trust him and have EXTREME doubt that I ever could again. The emotions of all of this suck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## newto this (Jan 21, 2013)

mama2five said:


> Lee-what are some go to songs? I have like 2 that get me out of a funk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So sorry you are here. Look up Alicia Keys Brand New Me. It's a good one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I love Alicia Keys im going to look that up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Lately the sadness doesnt last as long as it used to. I take that as a sign im gettn better. It still hurts,as much **** as he has put me thru I still have that piece of my heart that wishes he would come bk and be so full of remorse. Wth? There is no point-I dnt trust him and *have EXTREME doubt that I ever could again. *The emotions of all of this suck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can play this card with yourself all day long. Wondering IF you can trust him...blah blah blah....extreme doubt? 

It's not even about that. Doesn't matter. He's not a 'faithful' type man. Period. It's WHO he is. He's never going to change...you can play the 'can I trust you' game in your head all you want..._but you won't be changing the player...._


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

As always Stella you put things into perspective,and your absolutely right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

He was the same yesterday,he is the same today,and he will be the same tomorrow.-You can't polish a turd.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lol lol...true indeed 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

There's a guy out there that will luv on you and treat you right. 

It doesn't hafta be now...but when u have one of those moments...jump on here (I know you already do Hun ...eat a samich...ice cream...I have a DVR.. I watch stuff and lose myself...

It passes...as you said you get over it quicker....and yes it's cos of strength...cos your Rollin good


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

It’s all a part of the healing process, it takes time... you can’t just say let’s put a Band-Aid on a ripped out heart and think that after a week it will be all healed. You have to allow yourself the time to grieve to vent to have feelings of loss, but as others have said don’t wallow in it. When those feeling come, acknowledge them but then do something positive, go to place you like or to the songs to help, journal, whatever helps you to get past that moment. There will be times even months from now where you’re going along fine, and boom, something will trigger an emotion... Its normal....


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I feel so sad today.Divorce proceedings ,repeated health issues,job hunt,parent's health ....everything has taken me down.
.

I am just tired,very tired.I just wish I was not afraid of dealth,separation and there was nothing called betrayal.I just wish there was nothing called fear.

Sorry Mama3five, am posting here.But I get to talk to you guys here alone and I feel good.Why did God create world the way it is.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

And now I am so angry at being fooled by that POS stbx.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I hope that things are getting better for you. I know that things are tough right now, but you have to be strong for yourself and your kids. I think it is my turn to have a yucky day..


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

JMB123-Hang in there!! I remember when I was in the thick of my divorce how hopeless it all seemed everyone told me it would get better and I really wondered if it would- it has albeit slowly.Right now your at the base of the mountain and looking up where happiness is at the top of the mountain and your thinking how am I ever going to reach the top?The trick is you start climbing and you don't look up because it will seem too daunting you just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there.I'm only a short distance away now.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

thank you gulf & Lee.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb feel free to post on my thread all you want..im not greedy  you guys all really are the best- i never fathomed the amount of compassion and support you recieve like you do on this forum! We will all heal together. GWv your wrds of wisdom help me during my darkest hrs i appreciate it somuch..and Lee feel yucky but go looj at them quotes! And also picture a tadpole of a man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Mama2five ,Thank you so much!!! I like it talking to all of us here.I have really felt good listening to what we tell each other and the support we get here.

Our motto is to be "Getting rid of the *tadpole of a man* from our lives in the best poosible manner!"


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Mama2five ,Thank you so much!!! I like it talking to all of us here.I have really felt good listening to what we tell each other and the support we get here.
> 
> Our motto is to be "Getting rid of the *tadpole of a man* from our lives in the best poosible manner!"[/QUOTE
> 
> ...


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, I agree with you, the support on this site is awesome! We are all in this together and having a place to write out your feelings and getting feedback is even more of a plus for us. This forum has given me encouragement, praise, and constructive criticism all of which has been very helpful to me.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are you doing M2F???Hope everything is fine at your end and you are seeing better days.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> How are you doing M2F???Hope everything is fine at your end and you are seeing better days.


I hope that we all are seeing better days....

Head up and be strong we can and will get through this together...


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I hope for the same Lee. I wish all of us happy and peaceful days again.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Hey ladies! I am doing good,still NC with the STBXH. Got the papers mailed bk to legal aide,just waiting around for a response. Been keeping busy as possible. How are you guys holding up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I agree the support is great here -geez I wish I would have found this forum when I was going through my hell.Everyone post away.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

wish I wouldve known about this forum sooner-I prob never wouldve stuck around as long as I did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> wish I wouldve known about this forum sooner-I prob never wouldve stuck around as long as I did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I know right! :scratchhead:


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I know right! :scratchhead:


Me too M2F.And I wish I was not an emotional fool to end up the way I did. :slap:
Praying to God for all of us to be happy and content again.I just want to be out of this mess.

I will take you guys for a cyber treat once am done with divorce process peacefully and get hold of my life back. :toast:

Stella !!!! Party Time!!:smthumbup:


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

We will all make it through this !!!!!

We have too!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

mama2five said:


> wish I wouldve known about this forum sooner-I prob never wouldve stuck around as long as I did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup - same here. Would have handled things a lot differently and a lot sooner. That's one of my biggest regrets. Might be in a true R now instead of a toxic separation.

To the mama2five: stay strong and good luck with the D!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Someone..anyone help me out of this darkness...*



mama2five said:


> wish I wouldve known about this forum sooner-I prob never wouldve stuck around as long as I did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg I've thought this same thing hundreds of times...

Amazing what we can condition ourselves to put up with, isn't it?


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are you all doing ladies.

Another setback for me.Did not get the job I almost was sure to get.Things got screwed in the last moment.They should have told me No in the first round itself.Sad!!

Divorce front too,I hope things settle for the good very soon.My head is spinning.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I think I am going to make TAM an integral part of my life.May be when everything settles down in our lives,we could all meet in a diffierent forum like the social spot once in a while to say hi to all our online friends and see how life is going ahead ....


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> I think I am going to make TAM an integral part of my life.May be when everything settles down in our lives,we could all meet in a diffierent forum like the social spot once in a while to say hi to all our online friends and see how life is going ahead ....


That sounds like an awsome idea.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Im feeling like JMB was last week, very depressed. My stbxh came over Sunday to talk about filing again and I just don’t know what to do..... I don’t want to be the B%&* but I almost feel like Im will be if I insist on splitting tax return and having it go into my account. He wants to pay county and school taxes with the return which will take up probably all the $ and have it deposited in our joint account. problem is, his sister does our taxes, she could tell me an inaccurate date $ will be in account ect... also he has a 1099b for $1400.00 that he has to pay taxes on that he rec'd in Oct. He did not share that $ with me or tell me about it but now we could be taxed up to 35% on return for that $.. My dilemma, how much of a stink do I make about wanting some cash... was needing some cash..... He could have paid part or all of that $ he rec'd in oct on the taxes but didn’t.... also big problem is we're not talking about anything because of lawyers being involved. I look at it that I’m going to give him the house, and most of property why do I have to help pay taxes when he has a lot more money coming in. on the other hand.. I am responsible also for the house taxes, my name is on them to and I’m the one living in the house until the divorce gets settled. any ideas......??? I so resent giving up the $. If we were together we usually use the tax return for a vacation and to celebrate my birthday and he comes up with other ways to pay taxes. once in while he does use some of the return to pay them though....


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2,I feel you should protect yourself in every possible manner;there should not be any emotional element in it;Also in anything legal,if you do not trust the sister,can you not arrange for some other person who would look into it for you;Do what is right for you to protect yourself in every manner;

Other than that, we have to keep praying that things become smooth and content very soon;I just am waiting for the day I walk out happily 'Divorced'; I cannot imagine I am the same person who was crying and begging to remain in this marraige repeatedly for these many years and not many months back too. .


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

so true... I cant wait for that also.. but have to admit feeling depressed over all my loses this weekend. Seems like Ive lost everything..


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> so true... I cant wait for that also.. but have to admit feeling depressed over all my loses this weekend. Seems like Ive lost everything..


I know what you must be feeling.And I want to tell you that things will be good and happy again.Be assred of that.we just ahve to keep trying.

Also , when I feel very down,I remind myself that this is life and in reality there is nothing to lose or gain but just live every moment;Nobody can rob us of our spirit and the desire to be find happiness ;So stay strong and please know that all is well!!Take care.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im on day 11 NC..and while that may not seem like much,its a HUGE milestone for me! Im doing this-im not wallowing in sadness,in fact ive had a genuine smile on my face a few times. My kids keep me motivated,im looking for employment and actually LIVING-not just going thru the motions. The first wk I kept waiting to backslide-but im not focusing on that anymore. I know it will happen but I also know im strong enough to work thru it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im on day 11 NC..and while that may not seem like much,its a HUGE milestone for me! Im doing this-im not wallowing in sadness,in fact ive had a genuine smile on my face a few times. My kids keep me motivated,im looking for employment and actually LIVING-not just going thru the motions. The first wk I kept waiting to backslide-but im not focusing on that anymore. I know it will happen but I also know im strong enough to work thru it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


M2f ...Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!:yay::yay::yay::yay:

And no 11 day NC is no small thing.In no way.You have found your way out.Things changed formr so much on the emotional front after going NC and achieving the 10 days milestone.There was no looking back after that ;just each day realized what my life in reality was!
:smthumbup:


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Has the POS been served the divorce notice.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I agree M2F, that is something to be proud of. I know how hard it is. Old habbits and needs are so hard to break and your on your way!! Just the fact that you have been able to smile a few times shows how much you needed tha NC also. Try and keep it up, good job!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I knew it was coming...I have had several good days in a row,of course always thinking of STBXH but not feeling sad or anything. Still NC but today I feel so down...missing him alot. Hate this roller coaster-but I knew I wasnt done riding it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Hi M2F, I am right there with you. I am currently on my way up the lift. The chain is clanking and I am making sure that my bar is down as tight as it can be! I don't think I will hear anything from my STBXW any time soon. At this point it is a good thing for me. I joined the Y today and I am going to try to make myself go m,w,f after work. 

Hopefully this will occupy my time and help me move on with my life. I don't want to go back to coming home, and going to sleep to try to sleep the pain away. Since I sent off my email I really feel better. I am still on this crazy train too though and I know that it's going to take me a lot longer to heal than what I want. I miss her too but you know what, I haven't shed any tears for her since I sent her the email and it seems as though I am having fewer breakdowns so for me that is a milestone. Stay Tough, you can and you will do this for your own personal wellbeing.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks HBP- I think maybe I should look into joining a gym as well,im sure it would make me feel better about myself and possibly assist with my motivation! I really havnt shed any tears in a week,and felt good. Today however I feel alone,rejected and just plain sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I think a person has got to expect some ups and downs and divorce is truly a life changing event and try as one may it just plain takes time to get an ex out of their system.I saw a study about depression once the control group that excercised by and far did better than the control group on meds.I think it has to do with endorphins.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its hard to block your x completely out,kids make it harder. Although going on 12 days and NC to them either. Sometimes I wish this was all just a bad dream..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F, its natural to feel sad but then know,that we our on our way to chnage this sadness into happiness;and we have to win;lets us not accept a life which is devoid of peace and is full of betrayal and pain;Those men in our lives were plain and simple pain and treachery ;they are better gone;when you see yourself melting.read your posts from the beginning and feel all the sadness you had to go thruough because of him,and then you shall become strong again.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

It’s nice to be able to tell people that are actually walking in our shoes and don’t get tired of hearing you say the same thing. I feel like I’m being judged by family and friends all the time on how they think I should be handling it and so I put a brave face on and don’t share the rollercoaster ride. Even so I can tell I’m tuned out if I even bring the subject of my x up sometimes... they just don’t want to hear it. This week has been so hard with the tax thing and almost going to court. Then this morning our little toy dog had a seizure so I texted him to check in on the dog while I’m at work. I find that if he treats me nice and we're talking it changes my mood if he treats me rudely or is ignoring me, I’m depressed. I do so much better if I have absolutely no contact with him but we have to try and resolve some things. I’m tired, I’m lonely, I’m depressed and I just want everything to end...... If this sounds disjointed its how I’m feeling this morning. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Tired of worrying, tired of being tired and sad.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2,
I have been facing the same thing with family.I keep my emotions to myself and vent here.

I still feel that your life revolves round him.He has to be out of your system.It is wonderful thing to love someone;but the important thing is ,is the person worth your love and giving importance??Why have you given him such an important position in your life still.Know him for what he really is.A real POS.He is the person whose presence in your life was never conducive to your well being.You are in this predicament on being involved with him.And still you want your life to revolve round him(you smile when he is god,you cry when he ignores);who is he;to hell with him;
Even you ahve unresolved business with him,treat him like a business partner,why should there be an emotional involvement,
Pick up your life,fearless with just you in it and totally devoid him.

The stress with tax and all legal stuff sure needs to be handled,but let the lawyer do the job and you relax.

Please noway ,do NOT try to INDULGE in him(be it your dog or whatever);He should be non-existent for you now.Else you will not help yourself in healing and progressing.
A little confidence,getting hold of our self worth and knowing that we need noone to be happy will do the magic.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I meant DO NOT try to indulge.

You are not alone,we are all here in this world talking to each other and helping each other.Words are powerful!!

And we will help each otehr come out of thos depression.Its like we write here and get the energy boost ,and then go back in the real world to perform our duties in a better manner.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Hey Guys been away for a few days and just catching up. I am sorry that you all are in so much pain... I can tell you that it will get better with time. H came over last and hung out with the girls and as soon at he got here I left and hung out with a friend. Came back at bed time and we put the kids to bed together and he left. It was good there was not weird moments we were able to talk without weird feelings. It was great and the best part was that there were not any tears once he left.... Making strides in this game of life...


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

He’s not worth my love or anything else.... that’s why I’m divorcing him. But your right. I have to let him go totally.....I’m way too dependent on him and always have been. I never even pumped my own gas until a couple of years ago. It’s so hard to break habits that have been built up over a life time. As for myself esteem, what self-esteem, I always got that from him too, my value was as a wife and mother. Trying to realize my value is not defined by him or my role in life. But it’s hard. Thanks for your input!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare- i am right there with you,i feel so much like my stbxh validates me. When he used to be nice i felt like i could walk on water,but when he is mean i feel like a ball of sadness. There has been NC since his tantrum- I recieved an email frm him this am asking me to email some pics of the kids?! I didnt respond. I know if I engage in any type of convo ill deal with screwed up emotions afterwards!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Girls,Do not respond back to them.Seriously.

M2F ,if he wants to see the kid,he ahs to come home and do it.You are not his servent to that for him.Let him rot in hell!!WHo does he think,he is?How dare he act so audaciously;He sits there like a king,leaves his family and all his toddlers;And he wants to feel good by seeing their photos.He is a dirty man;M2F do not respond back to him.REALLY.

doureallycare2,

we are all the same.we sought validation from them,and with them gone, we feel empty worthless.But again we all know that is never was true.May be God gave us an oppurtunity to find real happiness through this misery.And I know old habbits are hard to break but we have to start.One day at a time.One thing at a time.And oce life is on control,that will be so good.Have you ever though that doings things that you never did earlier could actually be so exciting.Its like we are learning every day to live life.It makes our life energetic.

Girls ,I write some things which mught sound rude or harsh.But it is for all of us to see the reality and heal ourselves soon .

This journey is also to recover from our negatives and emerge a much better person.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Please excuse all spelling mistakes,grammar mistakes,etc etc


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, Stand your ground! He is trying to pull at your heart strings! You did the right thing by not replying. I haven't heard anything from my STBXW and although I would like to, I have been more myself without having to deal with the mind games. I am still struggling though, my goal was not to shed anymore tears but that goal hasn't been reached as of this morning.

I did get my membership at the Y last night and I am going to try to make myself go tonight and get a good workout in. It will be a big step for me because I have been socially deficient and that is something that I need to get a grip on to move on with my life. I am hoping that I have the confidence to meet new people, make new friends, and find a meaningful long term relationship.

Perhaps I am rushing things, I don't know, dealing with this mess has really taken a toll on me and I want to move on so bad but I still feel hurt and rejected. This is a situation that has blindsided me and I am trying to recover but my healing just seems as though it is never going to come. Maybe not hearing from her will help me to put her out of my mind. I don't know, right now nothing seems to be helping me!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> M2F, Stand your ground! He is trying to pull at your heart strings! You did the right thing by not replying. I haven't heard anything from my STBXW and although I would like to, I have been more myself without having to deal with the mind games. I am still struggling though, my goal was not to shed anymore tears but that goal hasn't been reached as of this morning.
> 
> I did get my membership at the Y last night and I am going to try to make myself go tonight and get a good workout in. It will be a big step for me because I have been socially deficient and that is something that I need to get a grip on to move on with my life. I am hoping that I have the confidence to meet new people, make new friends, and find a meaningful long term relationship.
> 
> Perhaps I am rushing things, I don't know, dealing with this mess has really taken a toll on me and I want to move on so bad but I still feel hurt and rejected. This is a situation that has blindsided me and I am trying to recover but my healing just seems as though it is never going to come. Maybe not hearing from her will help me to put her out of my mind. I don't know, right now nothing seems to be helping me!


Same here.I need to get my social life back.I have thought of joining some community service groups.It will be good to be part of some groups with good cause and at the sam etime I shall get to be friends with new like minded people.

You really do not have to rush into anything.But do get out of the house and get things going.The pain will go.The recovery shall happen.It has to.You just wait and watch and pray deeply.


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

jmb123, Right now it's all about me being completely alone. I honestly hate it! It is something I never thought I would have to deal with again in my life. Now here I am again back to square one. It is driving me crazy! The holidays, my birthday, and now here comes Valentines day. They were all times that her and I spent together and I really felt wanted and loved. 

My nightmare started after Thanksgiving of last year and it has been a downward spiral ever since! Christmas, New Years, etc were all a disaster for me. Instead of feeling loved, I felt rejected and not loved. All of these days have been horrible for me. I want to have a family of my own and I am getting older so that is the reason for my need to move on as soon as possible and start another life. I hate to think of it but starting over seems to be my only choice right now.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> jmb123, Right now it's all about me being completely alone. I honestly hate it! It is something I never thought I would have to deal with again in my life. Now here I am again back to square one. It is driving me crazy! The holidays, my birthday, and now here comes Valentines day. They were all times that her and I spent together and I really felt wanted and loved.
> 
> My nightmare started after Thanksgiving of last year and it has been a downward spiral ever since! Christmas, New Years, etc were all a disaster for me. Instead of feeling loved, I felt rejected and not loved. All of these days have been horrible for me. I want to have a family of my own and I am getting older so that is the reason for my need to move on as soon as possible and start another life. I hate to think of it but starting over seems to be my only choice right now.


I know what you feel.I am there myself.
But I am reiterating-we need no one ,none at all to feel loved;we do not need validations.
This is a tough time.We want to have a family,some one who would love us and on whom we can shower our love back.But its ok we are not there now.Let us pray dearly that we get there soon and too for real.

For the time being,why are you hurting yourself,I deal with the loniliness doing multiple things and learning small small things which otherwise would have felt useless to me.Can you do things which you have felt like doing always,like write,paint,poetry,watch a collection of movies,teach someone for free,learn cooking recipes and cook it for self,walk in the park and see couples and feel happy.I mean to say we have to learn to find happiness,true happiness.I am learning to do that.

So just never feel you are alone.Even now, you are on the internet talking to real people,though we may not know each other and will nevr see each other but still this is for real.Is it not??Cheer up;Days will get better .It ahs to.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Ok guys I need your words NOW more than ever STBXH is up to something. I never responded to that email and now he sent 2 more. the first one says- im sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I have done some dumb **** in my life. And i never meant to hurt you. the 2nd one says- im sorry for ever being in your life. I wish you the best in your life. Live your dream baby. ok so now that i spent 15min crying cuz im flooded with emotion here..wth do i say? Do i stay dark? Past experience his wrds mean nothing. Why is he doing this? And why is it affecting me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

jmb123, Thanks for the words of encouragement. Right now I honestly don't have the drive or motivation to do the things I need to do, it's just not there right now. When my wife and I were together I was motivated and driven to do our workouts together. We started working out last year at this time and continued on up until the end of Nov. That is when things went to he!! in a hand basket for me I slowly stopped because she was there. Getting out of this "funk" for me has and continues to be so difficult!


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stay Strong M2F, I think that is the best advice I can give you right now. He is like my STBXW and is trying to get a reaction out of you!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Ok guys I need your words NOW more than ever STBXH is up to something. I never responded to that email and now he sent 2 more. the first one says- im sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I have done some dumb **** in my life. And i never meant to hurt you. the 2nd one says- im sorry for ever being in your life. I wish you the best in your life. Live your dream baby. ok so now that i spent 15min crying cuz im flooded with emotion here..wth do i say? Do i stay dark? Past experience his wrds mean nothing. Why is he doing this? And why is it affecting me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just go dark.You will get enough time in your life to really forgive him.
He is no sorry person.HE IS A BIG LOSER.he is trying pull you down in his gutter.He still thinks that he has your STRINGS in HIS hands.And you cried(that shows he is successful);
He is not remorseful;No way.DO ot give in to him,;Stay strong.Cru as much you want but DO NOT WANT HIM.

THAT MAN HAS TO OWN UP A LOT OF THINGS !!HE IS A SERIAL CHEATER,AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER,ABANDONED HIS TODDLERS;M2F do not give in.

He has never seen your power like this.

Please post back.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> jmb123, Thanks for the words of encouragement. Right now I honestly don't have the drive or motivation to do the things I need to do, it's just not there right now. When my wife and I were together I was motivated and driven to do our workouts together. We started working out last year at this time and continued on up until the end of Nov. That is when things went to he!! in a hand basket for me I slowly stopped because she was there. Getting out of this "funk" for me has and continues to be so difficult!


Just want it really(your happiness and energy)and you will have it back!!
I still insist,you ahve to start!You have to live for yourself.You can chose which way. This "funk" or "Life" again.

Thats what I tell myself and push myself to do.And it helps.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am staying dark. It is the best option i have. It hurts,i know he is trying to manipulate me. I dnt believe he is remorseful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F, I just sincerely hope, you have not given in to him already!Post back please.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Thank God.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I am staying dark. It is the best option i have. It hurts,i know he is trying to manipulate me. I dnt believe he is remorseful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hen you are truly strong, you shall very clearly get to know who is abusing or who is truly remorseful.

This is no remorse.He is playing with you big time.What does he think .Is he the king of Hell!!Or Gutter king!!
He wants photos,he writes 2 mails:1st with sorrry and 2nd one wishing you happiness.

He is far from remorse.He is still threatning you,that if you do not give in and plead like you did before this,he is GONE.To hell with him.

You have to more strong every day.I know it hurts like hell.And this loser is going to kill you emotionally if you give in to his **** anymore.You are a powerful woman M2F ,That I already know;But its time the power be redirected towards teh right things.:FIREdevil:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Please stay dark, M2F. He is just trying to make you feel guilty by playing the sympathy card. Other tactics aren't working to draw you in so he is just resorting to the "i'm sorry" card. 

If he was truly remorseful...well you would know by his actions. An email doens't mean crap from him. Just words on a screen.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Ok guys I need your words NOW more than ever STBXH is up to something. I never responded to that email and now he sent 2 more. the first one says- im sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I have done some dumb **** in my life. And i never meant to hurt you. the 2nd one says- im sorry for ever being in your life. I wish you the best in your life. Live your dream baby. ok so now that i spent 15min crying cuz im flooded with emotion here..wth do i say? Do i stay dark? Past experience his wrds mean nothing. Why is he doing this? And why is it affecting me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NOt enough M2F.He should burn like a phoenix and be born again to have you back in life!
2 sweet manupulative mails to play with your heart again;he has to quit playing games.
he thinks,he shall become lovey-dovey (perhaps has been taken aback by your strength totally),and you shall be all emotional again,and then he is back ready to cheat again and make you cry.END THIS VICIOUS CYCLE.

Let this power within you be for real this time.Let noone tear you apart anymore.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He is still emailing, he said he knew all along that i am a good woman and he is sorry he brought me into his life. Then he says he is a **** up and a worthless piece of ****. Im guessing he is having a fallout with one or all of the OWS?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He is still emailing, he said he knew all along that i am a good woman and he is sorry he brought me into his life. Then he says he is a **** up and a worthless piece of ****. Im guessing he is having a fallout with one or all of the OWS?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bingo - he is seeing if you will still stick around to be PlanB.

Saying he is a fvck up and a worthless POS is not remorse. That is guilt. Big difference.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He is still emailing, he said he knew all along that i am a good woman and he is sorry he brought me into his life. Then he says he is a **** up and a worthless piece of ****. Im guessing he is having a fallout with one or all of the OWS?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


M2F ,we all know that you are good woman,that is why you let that POS be with you for such a long time.He need not validate you anymore.

And no need to be sympathetic toward him.He is not a baby;and nomore your baby needing you to change his diapers.Let him have a fall out or whatever.
What are you to him?Some worthless person whom he calls a good woman,has 4 kids with tht good woman and abandoes her;prior to that sleping with 1000 *****s.
M2F do you need validation from this POS.You know that you are a good woman and a very strong one too.

And this time M2F chose not to be with a 'worthless piece of ****(as accepted by him) because good women do not chose POS.Let that be clear to him.If he really respected you,he would never cheat on you.You are just his extra free tyre like.

Please do not give in to him emotionally.No need to feel sorry for him.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im staying tough, i keep replaying his tantrum in front of my kids. He emailed again and said i gave him the best yrs of his life and 4 beautiful kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im staying tough, i keep replaying his tantrum in front of my kids. He emailed again and said i gave him the best yrs of his life and 4 beautiful kids.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow why didn't he think of this stuff before he decided to cheat??

Stay strong, NC....he will get more desperate as time goes on and you don't respond. He will try anything to get you to engage. 

Do you have a plan if he happens to stop by the house?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He doesnt have a key to the house,and im not opening the door. He can stand out there and knock if he comes here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im staying tough, i keep replaying his tantrum in front of my kids. He emailed again and said i gave him the best yrs of his life and 4 beautiful kids.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nevr reply but then the answer to this should have been like :

'Yes I know,but feel the opposite for you!:liar:"


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He doesnt have a key to the house,and im not opening the door. He can stand out there and knock if he comes here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he comes,let him see the kids,do whatever drama.But you are not to be fooled by his tears and remorseful act;Never;Stay calm,composed.

If he asks 'u read my email'-you can answer like 'No,did not have time,anything important you want to say!';Just be indifferent.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five, Wow..... How hard... I know you probably really want to know what’s going on.... That would be my instinct. But I agree with everyone else. My husband did the same to me and I did respond when he asked if he could come talk with me, he never came.... they must have fought and then made up. Unless he says something like I have left her and am seeking help and I want to prove to you I can be a better person. don’t respond.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I totally agree.Ifeel that she should not reply to him at all.he man she is dealing with is one who has hurt her multiple times.She is vulnerable now and he is tryng to take advantage of that.

I would never suggest having any contact with him even if he writes that he has left the other woman and is seeking help;He should be a chnaged man.Take all the time in the world but should return only he is truly a chnaged man.

What after all these manupulative mails and promises,he comes back,again in few days M2f will build her new castle,only to be broken by hi with another new affair.No this is not done !However tough,however tempting,seeing her history for a betetr ,peaceful ,happy and dignified life,she should let THIS man go.
if he chnages for good ever in future ,he shall nomore remai THIS man but would become THE man.He is not worth coming back to her life.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

The emails have stopped for now. Im going to keep myself busy cleaning house!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I agree JMB123, personaqlly if my husband begged me to comeback right now I wouldnt respond. But I also know how hard it is to get to that point. Im done, Im not sure mama2five is so I wanted to give her the best advice for the moment. Which would be to adopt a wait and see attitude.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

The emails have started again. He says he cannot forgive himself for all the hurt he caused me. He said thats why he let go? And he hopes one day I can forgive him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Emails continuing-the latest one saying, im not trying to get you bk-but i love you and you are the best thing that happend to me. My loss someone elses gain. how lng is he going to play thhs card?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

MAMA STOP LOOK AND LISTEN! You have to ignore him, easier said than done I know. Actions speak louder than words, which by now I know you are aware of that. You have to look at this way it doesn't matter anymore remember? It doesn't matter how much he apologizes if he is truly shows it you would know. But the main thing you have to keep in mind is that you and your kids have to move on no matter what is going on around you. 

Think of yourself as this anchor that is attached to this huge ship, and the ship is going through the storm it's moving around tossing and turning above that anchor, no matter what stay anchored to the ground because that is your job, that is what you do stay to the ground through the storm, do not resurface. You have to ignore what he is doing. All that matters are you and your kids. You dictate how you should feel not him. Easier said than done trust me I know. Ride out the storm that is around you. You can do this.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Maaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaa......

Don't reach for that crack pipe...


You remember what he did the last time you took a toke? Remember how you felt? Remember the thousands of times you felt that way? 

You've gone dark how long? 12 days was it I read? He's not contacting you...for 'you' ....he's contacting you for 'him'...he needs a fix...

He want to see if your still biting...dangling....playing....wanting...and once he gets it...he's out the door...it doesn't matter if he got into a fight with his main yap...or one of the other ones....he's doing it for his own ego....to feed himself...god forbid the mother of his children not chase him anymore....OMG TRAUMA TEAM STAT I CAN'T HAVE THAT!!!....So I better play nice...say some things shed want to hear....

Really? You going for it? You even teetering on this tells me your not done smokin and being treated like shxt. 

This is a fxking no brainier! "What do I do?"... How about woman up (you know what I mean xox0) and move on with your life and not fall into his snare again....??? Hey...there's an idea! 

Seriously....you think this doosh had some big epiphany? 

He didn't. ...and he won't...your one of the many women (oh but hey your the buckle)....ooooohhhh....your one of the many women he needs to hear from today...

It's not about 'you'....or your family...he's doing this for him...

Don't do it. Ever. Get....a....divorce. This man will never nor has he ever treated you properly...and being the mom of his kids sure shxt don't make you 'special'...not to him. 

Don't do it.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Where are you??? 


Post...I wanna hear from you...that your ok!!!!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Where are you???
> 
> 
> Post...I wanna hear from you...that your ok!!!!


Me too. I just hope M2F has not given in to his games.
This is what she sncerely wanted to hear and that is what he has made her hear through emails.Nice bait.He is an egoist B*****.

I really feel ,if M2F really gets emotional,then he is going to foola round with her.She has to know that she does not need him anymore,nomore.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Ok good I'm not alone in freaking out


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

krismimo said:


> Ok good I'm not alone in freaking out


_nope... _


Where the he!! is she... :scratchhead:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Sorry for worrying you guys. I was doing things around the house. I am staying strong. All of your words HELP ME so much. I know you all are looking from the outside in and thats exactly what I need! I dnt believe anything my STBXH is saying now,ive heard most of it before! And if i allowed him bk id be on here crying in a wk! It hurts but im not breaking!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Sorry for worrying you guys. I was doing things around the house. I am staying strong. All of your words HELP ME so much. I know you all are looking from the outside in and thats exactly what I need! I dnt believe anything my STBXH is saying now,ive heard most of it before! And if i allowed him bk id be on here crying in a wk! It hurts but im not breaking!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


promise? 

seriously...you really holinding on ok?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Honestly I cant get that tantrum out of my head that he pulled in front of my kids-thats my motivation for staying dark!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

But at the same time I keep checking my email,like im waiting for a sweepstake number!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> But at the same time I keep checking my email,like im waiting for a sweepstake number!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have to decide in your head and heart ...you need to 'know' why he's doing what he's doing....'you need to 'recognize' girl!


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Haven't posted here in a bit,but only because I feel a bit intrusive having dealt with my pain and situation long ago and I don't really feel I have much advise to give.All I know is I had to be resolute in my choice,accept that there was going to be pain involved and not fear the future,something that wasn't written yet.My heart is with you m2f and all the posters here who are struggling and suffering and it is wonderful to see how supportive you all are to one another.Your future isn't written yet either,but you have a hand in the direction it will go by the choices you make.Stay strong m2f,expect and work toward a better life for yourself.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> But at the same time I keep checking my email,like im waiting for a sweepstake number!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will get over this when you get the taste of a confident and powerful you!
We need no B******s in our life to play around with us as and when they feel like because all we did was wait for them to treat us like doormat thinking that it was their love.

They never deserved our loyalty.And we are unlucky fellows because we got such POS i and made them larger than life figures within our mind.

M2F, if you want I can write pretty love letters to you but do not give in to him.I can become your online secret admirer.In that case you can assume tha I am not a female.:smthumbup:

Bottom Line,TILL YOU ARE STRONG AND CAN SEE THINGS AND UNDERSTAND PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE,DO NOT GIVE IN;however romantic or pathetic they act.HE IS FEEDING YOU WITH WHAT HE KNOWS VERY WELL THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR;ignore the manupulative SOB big time.Ignore till you no longer need to ignore him and he is out of your system forever.

Let in only a good man who will never cheat on you and love you dearly.Its not him.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you ladies again for your words! I am staying dark still,have recieved no more emails thus far. I needed all your support from this forum becaure like many others my family is tired of hearing the story with the same ending!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Emails continuing-the latest one saying, im not trying to get you bk-but i love you and you are the best thing that happend to me. My loss someone elses gain. how lng is he going to play thhs card?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is just hateful!!!! I love you but Im not trying to get you back!!!!He is definitly trying to play you in some way.. I agree, hope your staying strong...... That would put me on such an emotional rollercoaster that I agree with the others, dont read them.... Your giving him power again and he doesnt need any...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

So the emails start again..I cant help myself I keep reading them..Still not responding but I keep reading them over and over..wtf?! Now he is saying he misses me so much-and he just wants this all to be over. Then he says this is all truly from the heart...nt a mention about the kids since he asked for the photos..i must remain strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So the emails start again..I cant help myself I keep reading them..Still not responding but I keep reading them over and over..wtf?! Now he is saying he misses me so much-and he just wants this all to be over. Then he says this is all truly from the heart...nt a mention about the kids since he asked for the photos..i must remain strong!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Notice how since you don't respond they get thicker and thicker with 'goo'? "Now" it's truly from the heart huh? I like when he picks and choses when to bring the kids into it...wanting pics and such after a 12 day stint of NC....

Whatever dude. 

Remaining strong is a part of it...the rest is choice. Either your going to bite or your not. You still sound like your hesitating...

You should be having a f'u attitude and be dead strong in this...and it bothers me your not...he's just going to say that one right thing and your going to cave. 

If you cave...you Will get hurt again. 

There's no epiphany going on here...understand that.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> one right thing and your going to cave.
> 
> If you cave...you Will get hurt again.
> 
> .


 I agree with Stella dont cave... and stop the reading, your feeding your pain.. Hes not saying anything meaningful nor is he going to.If you want to hear from an [email protected]@hole than give a good long loud fart... it has the same meaning. I mean what exctly does he want to be over your marriage, the pain he has inflicted on you and your children....? Or his guilt... dont give in!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I cant find my fu attitude..wth is wrong wit me? My head knows this is a No brainer! Why wont my heart follow? I know ill be hurt again-i know he doesnt have mine or the kids best interest at heart!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Its ok, your feelings are your feelings.. just dont show it to him... dont give him any amunition... dont give in....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im determined to remain strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Somethings to make you angry:
How he moved in with OW
How he screamed at you in front of the kids
How he emails you during the day but then goes silent...b/c he is with OW at night
He is only concerned about resolving his guilt and making himself feel better
If he really loves anything other than himself, he would be making an effort to spend time with the kids...what type of man abandons their kids??? No Man, only boy-children do this!
He is trying to control you with those emails, nothing more - HE WANTS TO BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, FEELINGS SO HE CAN CRUSH YOU AGAIN JUST TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER
He doesn't respect you
He wants you as a backup plan in case things go wrong with OW
He brought lives into this world yet instead of protecting them from the darker side of life he is showing them by example how to be disrespectful, full of hate and how to be dishonest. 

You are doing great with NC...but maybe take a break from reading the emails he sends. Maybe only check once a day or something.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh yes and remember how he wrote you that nasty email saying is he is happy that he chose the OW and threw it in your face? That was heartless.


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stand your ground M2F, I know how hard it is to do, believe me I want to communicate too with my STBXW but I know that I would be shooting myself in the foot by doing so. He has no respect for you and he wants to make sure his backup plan is still going to work if things go south for him. Just remember the temper tantrum in front of your kids. Hang in there! You can do this!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks again all of you for replying. I appreciate each and every one even the tough to hear ones. Without you guys I would cave because ive wanted my family more than anything,but I know he is incapable of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Thanks again all of you for replying. I appreciate each and every one even the tough to hear ones. Without you guys I would cave because ive wanted my family more than anything,but *I know he is incapable of it.*_Posted via Mobile Device_


That's right...he is.

He's not your family...he's the one that breaks your family up...and keeps you hanging by a thread. 

_Let go. _


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I know, your right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Realizing he is incapable is a good step forward. Once you really really understand and accept that he is that way and not going to ever change you can start to let go like Stella said. 

Focus on your kids and being a strong, positive role model that stood up for her self respect and to protect them.


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> That's right...he is.
> 
> He's not your family...he's the one that breaks your family up...and keeps you hanging by a thread.
> 
> _Let go. _


Stella is right M2F, He is the one who has broken your family up, not you. They always say that a leopard can't change it spots, the problem is that we don't see those spots often until it is too late. You all are in my prayers and right now that is all I have left so I have been putting in requests constantly... I would rather be sitting in a dentist chair than go through this. It's been a nightmare I just want to wake up from but I can't, It's my life and I am forced to deal with it.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I know, your right.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so now what??...




...am I in your face? 



_dam right I am..._


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Delete the email messages I dare you too I know you don't want to but once you do in a way you will be taking back that power. Take back that power delete those email messages


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes!!!!!! Delete them!!!

I double dog dare you


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Hold down the shift key when you do!!!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

_friggin intervention goin on here...lol!_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I just deleted them whoooiooo....feels oddly good?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I just deleted them whoooiooo....feels oddly good?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:

You go girl!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

There you go Mama! Exactly!! Great job! Were proud of you. keep doing it you can do this!!!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Yesssssss....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Now..to work on deleting them before I read them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

He's still emailing? 

Consider blocking him?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yes still emailing. Telling me he hopes one day Ill speak to him again and forgive him. I can block. Why am I hesitant?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

How about you block him...give your brain a rest...

And leave it blocked for awhile...I bet that would feel great...what's he gonna say that he hasn't already said? It's all bs anyway...it is yanno. 

Let his messages bounce back. 

But..then he might come over? Or blow up your phone? Maybe it's best to leave well enough alone then...


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So the emails start again..I cant help myself I keep reading them..Still not responding but I keep reading them over and over..wtf?! Now he is saying he misses me so much-and he just wants this all to be over. Then he says this is all truly from the heart...nt a mention about the kids since he asked for the photos..i must remain strong!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You really have no choice to protect yourself from this egoist B******.He is on power play trip.You have hurt his ego big time .And he will play the emotional cards to the best to drag you to his feet.its like HOW DARE YOU STAND FOR YOURSELF.YOU ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO CRY AND WAIT WHILE HE IS SLEEPING WITH WH***"S.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Yes still emailing. Telling me he hopes one day Ill speak to him again and forgive him. I can block. Why am I hesitant?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What an abuser that guy is.I want to shoot him so that he keeps away from you.

His emailing **** is not problem,you getting emotionally affected because of the emails is the issue.He knows how to play with you well.That is why he could abuse you all these years.He knows you are soft and wanted a family .

How about showing him that it was love and genuiness that is why you took all this ****.How about shwing him now that he is not man who was worth your love and that you are no more naive not to see who he really is.How about actually parying that you will one day get married to a man who is not an abuser and loves you.That there never will come any cheating and abuse ever in your and your children's life.

M2F now its no more his choice.Its your choice.Why the hell would you want a lying, cheating man-child as your husband.

Love is a choce.It is not meant to hurt.It is to help each othare grow in self-esteem and overcome weaknessess after much hard work.Here there is plain abuse .


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

MTF-your stbxh is such a piece of work its beyond belief! Just pathetic! Don't read this mushy crap he is sending you, its so insincere, these are just notes-his actions speak volumes.Stay strong!Stay liberated from the assxxxx!!


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Do you guys even know how reading all these words of encouragement and strength to mama are helping ME. I feel empowered just reading all these powerful comments!! Thank you!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare-this website has the best ppl and support! I read my thread and others and get that feeling of empowerment as well! And think of this-"Going back to your ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

So just when your up you get hit badk down... mstbx showd up tonight, supposedly to check on me that i made it home ok in the snow storm and then to snow blow, (which my son would have done in the morning) of course he started bulling me again about taxes and wanting to know why I wouldnt file with him. Really putting the pressure on. He started threatening me with that he will stop paying certain bills in a few months if I want to be "difficult". It went from that to what what money am I going after from him that he made last year. he works a few side jobs that he made about $15,000-20,000 on and he dosent want me to go after that towards my support as its not guarenteend work on his part. (nevermind hes been doing it for over 10 years now). After he got frustrated that he couldnt bully me into agreeing right than to everything he wanted he got emotional and was saying how this wasnt how he wanted to end his last years. How he didnt expect us to ever have to be going through this nor was it what he wanted... he said "so after the divorce you never want to have contact with me again?" I said how would that be possible we have children together, one will hopefully be getting married soon. he said It doesnt matter "I wont be invited" I accept that, they dont want me as a part of their lives anymore" "I always knew i would probably end up alone at the end of my life" I said your being rediculos, talking like that. He said how he had no money because he was paying all the bills for me living at the house and his own expences and had 40 dollors to his name. i said that was 40 more than I had and all the more reason why we need to settle this divorce fast and for him to stop fighting me. I told him he can have the house and most of the belongings just agree to the support and paying off some of the credit dept. He said he told his lawyer I could have everything.. (than why is he fighting everything) hes stairing at the tv the whole time the conversation is going on and than out of the blue says. i do wish I had a tv where I am though..... Ha? He lives with his girl friedn and her 14 year old son.... they dont have a tv....? I know they do. My cousin served the divorce papers to him there and she said she had to knock over and over again because of how loud the TV was. I dont know what the point of this whole thing was..... what was he doing here at 8pm on a friday night during a bad storm.? On the other hand I dont want to care why or give it much thought... yet it is making me anxious and disturbed....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Wth is it with these guys and the t.vs? I have got a few emails today,saying I love you,but i accept that your gone. Than another asking me how the kids are doing. And another saying he never had a choice in this?! Is he serious? Im not the one out ****ing every Tom,**** and Harry! Doyoureallycare-your husband is an idiot,dont let him bully you. Does he have keys to your home? We are having a snowstorm to and ill shovel it all by my damn self!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

God-I don't know whos husband is worse? Have both of these two had a frontal lobotomy?With a power drill-no less or is testosterone making these guys complete and utter idiots? With that I apologize for my gender.Just unreal- if I ever get like this...someone please shoot me!!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Please dont ever become a narcissist Pos...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Someone..anyone help me out of this darkness...*



mama2five said:


> Please dont ever become a narcissist Pos...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good advice 

How you doing?


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

MTF-naw I'm much to humble to be narcissistic-never been God's gift to anything much less women.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im doing. The best to be expected. Still NC..deleting the emails after I read them-coming up with 1000 diff scenarios on what I could say! But nonetheless remaining silent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Being humble is a great quality  a slice of American pie. Lol. I have no idea why im up at 530 am after not falling asleep until after 2am. I do know that when I find myself thinking of STBXH I revert my thoughts to all the wrong he has done to myself and kids. Therefore making detachment a tad easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well he came back over this morning..... I hid in locked bathroom taking a long hot bath reading a book, he tried talking to me through door. He just wanted to say he would to taxes my way and split them into two accounts and was leving paperwork on table for me to fax to his sister. I said ok, then he says if you need anything just ask..... (how about you leaving me alone?) then he left.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Wonder what is his motive for agreeing to do taxes your way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

i have no clue, I just dont trust it after his trying to bully me. He lies so much its hard to know when its a lie or truth.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> i have no clue, I just dont trust it after his trying to bully me. He lies so much its hard to know when its a lie or truth.


Are you sure he isnt related to my H? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Hell- you two should send your husbands to a lie detector test: -but who knows their so diabolical they might pass?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I got 3 more emails. Saying- I know im a piece of **** and I hurt you,thats why I left. I tried but I didnt have enough heart to give you. And lastly Ill not contact you anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Hmmm sounds like one last ditch effort to reel you in-you have exasperated him at least for the moment.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> Hmmm sounds like one last ditch effort to reel you in-you have exasperated him at least for the moment.


Why are the weekends so long and boring? And how do you know when you have reached acceptance? :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well if he is like my stbx he will blow hot and cold.... sometimes I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks than bam Im getting text and emails about stupid stuff even pictures. and than like this weekend visits that make no sense. Good luck.. stay strong becaue he will contact you again its all manipulation.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Well if he is like my stbx he will blow hot and cold.... sometimes I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks than bam Im getting text and emails about stupid stuff even pictures. and than like this weekend visits that make no sense. Good luck.. stay strong becaue he will contact you again its all manipulation.


I just wish I could turn back time sometimes. He has made my life hell. I dont trust anyone. He has abanndoned the kids, like wtf? I could never turn my back on my kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I know. thats one of the things I hear over and over on hear how thay have abanndond their kids. I asked my H back in 1996 when he had a huge A and we split up where his head was at because he wasnt contacting his sons. He told me he had no love for any one anymore not me not his kids and not the OW. I wrote in my journal that he wasnt my husband, he would never say or feal that. but you know what... I didnt want to acknowledge that it was him he was probably being honest for the first time in a long time., His life was consumed with HIM.. not his kids, not me, not even the OW... its all about him... and its still that way. He trys to put on a good act but even that is for his sake. to uphold an image, if there is no one around hes a differnt person.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I know. thats one of the things I hear over and over on hear how thay have abanndond their kids. I asked my H back in 1996 when he had a huge A and we split up where his head was at because he wasnt contacting his sons. He told me he had no love for any one anymore not me not his kids and not the OW. I wrote in my journal that he wasnt my husband, he would never say or feal that. but you know what... I didnt want to acknowledge that it was him he was probably being honest for the first time in a long time., His life was consumed with HIM.. not his kids, not me, not even the OW... its all about him... and its still that way. He trys to put on a good act but even that is for his sake. to uphold an image, if there is no one around hes a differnt person.


Completely self absorbed..i dont know how I didnt see it sooner. Its like ive been livin in a ****ed up fairytale! My STBXH seems like he has no conscience, I know he doesnt fear karma,although I still want that bus to hit him. I get these bouts of lonliness but then I think, do I even want him here anyways? All the apologies and I love yous in the world wont cjange anything.

Whats done is done.

Things will never be the same. I feel lonely,yet I cant even se myself with anyone else. I never thought things would end up like this. I always thought we had what it tooj to make it. Although I spent the last few yrs "rugsweeping". He is broken, and I cant fix him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm lonely too. More so lately. Sux. I'm at hope on my weekend off...just not wanting to go out really...and he's on his dating sites...moving on. 

Eh well it bothers me...and yet...he's trying to fulfill what he already had and walked out on at home. He will never ever replace me. I told him this so many times mama. So many times when he'd just walk away. No one would 'get him' or understand his personality needs or lacks in the relationship world. And here he's out looking for companionship and sex. Sex was never an issue for us. He wanted for nothing. 
So he's out to look for another victim...he's going to use her...he will try and 'love' again or find companionship...but she will have needs he won't fulfill then she will complain and it will be on...

If I know what the next girl is going to get why does it bother me? Because he was mine and I wasn't done yet. He made us done....then I made us done my way (OFP) ...

It gets confusing doesn't it? I sit here alone...because he didn't want to be a big boy and own his shxt...and treat me respectfully with love and cherishing. 
Fking moron. I hate him. I really hate him and I hope he rots in he!! And never finds inner peace. I hope one day mama he has the light bulb go off and cries....a gut wrenching cry like we have because of what it is we miss about them. I hope his stomach turns and he throws up and feels pain. I hope he feels empty and mental anguish because he can't cope with the loss of me...and the loss of his job. The loss of his identity...just...loss. 

Apparently I needed to rant on your thread ...wow...all that sorta just came out..


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Romans 12:19 "Vengeance is mine,I will repay" says the Lord.
He won't get away with this not by a longshot, he has violated everything God says about how your suppose treat your wife.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I heard a good metaphore in my divorce care class Im going to. It said that its good to feel rightous anger (anger against a wrong) but when you are the one holding on to it trying to make the person accountable its like trying to hold them in a prison cell. They need a constant guard, no one else cares so guess what, YOUR the guard and YOUR in that prison 24/7 trying to hold them there. I dont know about you but I dont want to be in prison anymore, I just as soon let him go than have me be locked up with him. Healing takes time, letting go of the hurt or bitterness takes time. I think we should reconize that I think they do have those moments of clarity, they washed away the best of them when they washed away our relationships, that they made a huge mistake -but when they have that clarity the difference between us and them is they bury it. They dont want to feel the pain, guilt, hurt they inflicted to others and them selves. But it will come to rest on their shoulders someday...... it may be when they are old and grey but it will seep in and they will not have the energy to bury the emotions of it anymore and they will regret, they will cry. They will be alone......That is my beleif. Ive seen it with my dad (who wants my and my siblings sympathy now that hes an old man, and he doesnt get it. I dont hate him (some of my siblings do) but I have no relationship with him nor do I want one...dont come to me 40 years later and say your lonley- Its to late). These guys know what they had, they KNOW....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

As usual everything you guys say makes absolute sense..Its hard to believe these men become remorseful when they know all along the pain theyve caused. And i doubt they ever feel that lonliness. Kinda hard when your ****ing everything with two legs,my STBXH always told me he cheated on an act of impulse..well no ****! Stella we never had an issue in our sex life either,and sometimes I feel like I was taking care of another child-in the sense that im the only one I felt understood him- I always had the pat on the back and the cuddling-like "oh,you cheated again? Its ok baby we will get thru this." how stupid does that sound? Looking bk was I an enabler because there were NO consequences?...and GWV- that was a perfect verse I needed that!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

mama2five said:


> As usual everything you guys say makes absolute sense..Its hard to believe these men become remorseful when they know all along the pain theyve caused. And i doubt they ever feel that lonliness. Kinda hard when your ****ing everything with two legs,my STBXH always told me he cheated on an act of impulse..well no ****! Stella we never had an issue in our sex life either,and sometimes I feel like I was taking care of another child-in the sense that im the only one I felt understood him- I always had the pat on the back and the cuddling-like "oh,you cheated again? Its ok baby we will get thru this." how stupid does that sound? Looking bk was I an enabler because there were NO consequences?...and GWV- that was a perfect verse I needed that!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel like crap today. Emotions running crazy....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Hey guys...guess what? Im a fxcking idiot. I gave in and started responding. He started off by saying he realizes everything he is about to lose and it hurts his soul, he has been throwing up and cant sleep. Well wtf welcpme to my heartache! Then he say there is no more us. Its over. I cant protect you, ive done to much wrong in my life. I ltell him he is a coward for abandoning us, he sats he is not a ,oward its just to much for him to handle rivht now and that I dont understand?

WTF? I said your right I dont understand how you can "ive with another woman, with all the perks of a marrige but be married to me and tell me you love me. His response was...please leave me alone?

AHAA! I called bull**** on a twisted charade he is trying to play. It hurts. I wabt him to realize what he is losing really! And I want him to hurt like I do. He said my marriage is over, tume ti move on,its to late to try and fix anyyhing. Inside my heart was screaming, just come vack on ur hnds and knees and make everything right. But my brain replied with, YOUR DAMN RIGHT ITS OVER, YOU DONT DESERVE ME.

And now oncw again I feel like ****. My heart hurts.

Sorry for the errors im so emotional right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, I am sitting here hoping and praying that she will reach out to me, but it hasn't happened. So far it seems as though it really is over for us. I continue to grieve and remain depressed over what she has done to me. My life is in ruins and I have her to thank for all of it. I am so sick and tired of feeling like this, everyday, its the same feelings and I want these feelings to stop. My STBXW is out there living it up as though she doesn't care how it impacts me. It the same old sh!t over and over again. I'm not suicidal but I do ask God to take me home everynight before I go to sleep. I just can't deal with this anymore. I really hate my life right now!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

It really is a pain that I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. Im not suicidal either,but sometimes it just seems it would be easier Not to be here. I got to much to live for,but dam my heart hurts and even with my beautiful babies my life seems empty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

What really is getting me right now is how damn difficult it is for me to get over her! I just keep wanting her back in my life thinking we can work things out and live happily ever after. All I ever wanted out this life was someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I could love unconditionally and trust her with my heart. Now that she is gone all I get done doing is crying over what I thought we had together.

She is living in her fantasy world right now and she doesn't seem to give me any thought. It rips me apart not hearing from her. Everything seems so "effortless" for and here I am crying my eyes out! Why can't I get over her, I just don't understand why I can't let go of her? I keep hanging on for hope when I know there is none! Why do I want the poisonous forbidden fruit that she gives me?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Its ok, mama...just another thing to help you realize that he is just playing games with your emotions. You called him out and saw his true colors. You didn't invite him over or beg him to come home. That's a positive step forward.

You'll be ok. We are here for you.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> What really is getting me right now is how damn difficult it is for me to get over her! I just keep wanting her back in my life thinking we can work things out and live happily ever after. All I ever wanted out this life was someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I could love unconditionally and trust her with my heart. Now that she is gone all I get done doing is crying over what I thought we had together.
> 
> She is living in her fantasy world right now and she doesn't seem to give me any thought. It rips me apart not hearing from her. Everything seems so "effortless" for and here I am crying my eyes out! Why can't I get over her, I just don't understand why I can't let go of her? I keep hanging on for hope when I know there is none! Why do I want the poisonous forbidden fruit that she gives me?



If only divorce came with a manuel. Your wife doesnt deserve you, just like my STBXH doesnt deserve me. We actually have emotions, and they are coldhearted. We are crying over,the loss of the ppl we fell in love with.

They arent the same, its almost like being married to an imposter. What happen in your case to "for better or worse" your wife is a coward as well and took the easy road. I dont want to shed tears over my STBXH anymore. Ive wasted enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

I feel the same way too, but the tears keep falling..


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> I feel the same way too, but the tears keep falling..


Let it out. A good cry is cleansing for the soul.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

mama2five said:


> If only divorce came with a manuel. Your wife doesnt deserve you, just like my STBXH doesnt deserve me. We actually have emotions, and they are coldhearted. We are crying over,the loss of the ppl we fell in love with.
> 
> They arent the same, its almost like being married to an imposter. What happen in your case to "for better or worse" your wife is a coward as well and took the easy road. I dont want to shed tears over my STBXH anymore. Ive wasted enough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We didn't do the normal vowels that most couples do. We were given a list of them and we chose one. I don't think any of the normal stuff was in there. She has no morals now so it doesn't matter. I wish I could just flip the switch like she did and move on but it ain't happening for me at all. I go through sorrow, regret, and now hate and revenge. I guess it is all expected.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

heartbrokephobia said:


> We didn't do the normal vowels that most couples do. We were given a list of them and we chose one. I don't think any of the normal stuff was in there. She has no morals now so it doesn't matter. I wish I could just flip the switch like she did and move on but it ain't happening for me at all. I go through sorrow, regret, and now hate and revenge. I guess it is all expected.




Im going thru it too my STBXH is being hateful because I didnt bite the bait.so he emailed me and said " my baby said hi" I said huh? Ur baby? He said dont worry about who she just said hi....

Wow POS ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Someone..anyone help me out of this darkness...*



mama2five said:


> Im going thru it too my STBXH is being hateful because I didnt bite the bait.so he emailed me and said " my baby said hi" I said huh? Ur baby? He said dont worry about who she just said hi....
> 
> Wow POS ok.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg block his email....

What a fvcking ..... erg I don't even know enough profanities to describe him....


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

mama2five said:


> Im going thru it too my STBXH is being hateful because I didnt bite the bait.so he emailed me and said " my baby said hi" I said huh? Ur baby? He said dont worry about who she just said hi....
> 
> Wow POS ok.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



M2F, He sounds like a real A$$ Ho!e. He is trying to get a reaction from you to try to see if you respond. Don't fall for it! Stay strong M2F!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Mama I hate saying this but you are your own worst enemy, your not listening to us you keep doing these thing which I don't get unless you like getting hurt you really need to block his email... or not its up to you.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I blocked his email. Idk why this is so hard on me when I already know how he is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im going thru it too my STBXH is being hateful because I didnt bite the bait.so he emailed me and said " my baby said hi" I said huh? Ur baby? He said dont worry about who she just said hi....
> 
> Wow POS ok.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is such disrespectful B******.I would like ti shoot him so that he never treats you in this manner.

Please remain NC like this and go ahead with the legal proceedings.Until and unless you are done with him legally ,this POS is not going to learn a lesson.

As it is this **** has shown how irrittaed he is by writing this current email to you.He is having a bad time .

M2F he doesnot deserve you.He never deserved you.How could he be such a B****** as to write this email.

How dare he use you like this.What does he think you are.You should ahve restraining orders against him so that he stops emailing you all this ****.He is affecting you mentally.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I blocked his email. Idk why this is so hard on me when I already know how he is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good you blocked.

And ,now if you have sincerely blocked, things are not going to be hard on you but good and conducive to your well being;
you shall see how easily you will be free from this abuse.

He has never seen you independent,he has never seen you strong;Adn he is scared;And he knows that you are not taking his **** again;That bothers him that is why he has stooped to this level.Divorce him .And if he is really sincere let him try to woo you back that too onkly after you ahve strated dating some good man.You can decide if he has changes or is still the Bas**** that he always was.

M2F, do not be fooled by your emotions.All of us have been fooled and that is why ask you to remain ask.Even you yourself know for how long and how many affairs you let him do what he wanted to do./TIME TO LOVE YOURSELF MAMA.

TIME to become the woman you always wanted to be,time to show your fdaughters that life is not about getting cheated upon but throwing the POS away.

And no it is not hard if you really want to have a helathy happy life.

He is the dirtiest piece of **** alive(ofcourse apart fro the POS I got in my life)


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

So, He sent you all those text messg over the weekend just to real you in and tell you that you didnt have a marriage any more yesterday? Than send you a nasty gram about his "baby". Something is off....Do you thing it was just to get you sucked in a conversation about your marriage again, havnt you been down that road before? I mean I can understand trying to keep you on the hook but than to push you away so very humilatingly.. doesnt really make sence unless he's laughing over you with the other woman.. maybe it wasnt him sending text, maybe it was her... and its just one big mean game. Or both of them together. eather way I would save them and send a certified letter that because of nasty communication done via text all furthur communication will now have to be done through your lawyer.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I really dont know what his intentions were- he is bipolar and refuses to get help for it. He was diagnosed as a teen and says he "grew out of it". It doesnt matter what they were,he is blocked.he had already blocked me from texting him weeks ago. I didnt bite and he got angry. Im putting my focus into my kids,and going back to school.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well I still havent heard anything from legal aide. But on a positive note I looked into going back to college today,its time to make some changes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

great news.All the best.


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, Just wondering how you are doing? I hope you are beginning to heal, I am trying myself to but I just got word that our contract is not going to be renewed so next week I am jobless. It just seems as though things are getting progressively worse for me. Excellent decision on the school thing, that will help you now and into the future.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Hey Hbp- I am doing ok,its been quiet since I blocked his email. So ive been NC. I spoke with an admissions advisor and have had to write a 500 word essay on why i want to attend. I knocked that out of the way,and have been occupied helping kids make Valentines boxes and fill out valentines for school. I am sorry that you lost your job,thats how it was for me a few wks ago. It made me think everything was getting worse. I guess we have to hit bottom to go back up. I pray for you and alot of Tamers everynight. I know you will be ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Ive been doing "ok"..but tonight the sadness is hitting me and I just dont feel like I can do this anymore. I hate that my heart aches for this man-child. Im sure im the butt of his jokes,if even a thought at all. All these yrs..most of my 20s...and 4 precious kids. How could he do this to us? Why is he such a **** up? Sooo tired of crying,lonely nights-fake smiles. Iue had some good highs..i.e getting bk to school. Why are they followed by tremendous lows? I WANT OFF THIS RIDE 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Ive been doing "ok"..but tonight the sadness is hitting me and I just dont feel like I can do this anymore. I hate that my heart aches for this man-child. Im sure im the butt of his jokes,if even a thought at all. All these yrs..most of my 20s...and 4 precious kids. How could he do this to us? Why is he such a **** up? Sooo tired of crying,lonely nights-fake smiles. Iue had some good highs..i.e getting bk to school. Why are they followed by tremendous lows? I WANT OFF THIS RIDE
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



When your In the midst of depression which in our case is caused by a life changing traumatic event, you have to start planning a strategy to control your thinking from a down ward spiral. Depression insists on lies of our emotions and thoughts. ( I'm going to be alone forever, I can't do this I can't survive,it plays on your greatest fears.what can you do to get a better perspective to counter the lies of depression
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

i cant wait for this day to be over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

I hear you there M2F, I feel the same way. I was thinking of sending flower to her work but so far I have stayed strong and haven't. This day is right up there with Christmas and New Years for me, We were together then but there was no love there at all for me. The sooner it is over the better!


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Ugh... Me too... Trying not to let my thoughts get away from me... I think I told you previously how we always went away for the weekend of valentines because my b-day is the 15th. Well my stbxh texted me yesterday about his paying my car payment on Friday and I thought that was odd why tell me on Wednesday about Friday.. is it because he doesn’t want to contact me on my birthday...? doesn’t sound like him, he bothers me all the other time... anyways I rec'd a faxed copy of our tax return this morning that we both have to approve so I sent him a text reply about the payment and added that the tax return looked good and I haven’t gotten a response back... Now I’m jumping all over the place... Thinking "THEY" went away on OUR weekend... first of all why would they... its not her b-day tomorrow? If they were going away I’m sure they would leave tomorrow....He could just be in a meeting or something... but my heart and depression are telling me he took her away..... see how easy it is to go down the dark path... ugh..


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

Our STBX's don't care about our feelings right now. I have come to realize that and while I don't like it at all it is what it is and there is nothing I can do to change that. It hurts very badly but it has also made me realize that I have been living a lie with her. As much as I hate to accept it, I am the least thing on her mind right now. I just need the strength to move on with my life and even more I want to be happy with myself. 

Right now, I am still struggling badly and recent events in my life has made it worse. This has tested my faith, my desire to live and recover, and my ability to heal. It is the most difficult thing that has ever happened to me. My goal is to not repeat the mistakes I have made and to learn from them.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I know I dont know you ladies/Gents but I think your beautiful and know someone cares and even loves you. I love you guys!


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

M2F and others expect the highs and lows it takes time to get the ex out of our system but keep striving forward.I have this vision for myself and I'll be damned if the past is going to ruin it.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you guys alot for posting. Glad this day is almost over. Took the kids to dinner and bought them all heart shaped candy. They really light up my life even on the darkest days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Thank you guys alot for posting. Glad this day is almost over. Took the kids to dinner and bought them all heart shaped candy. They really light up my life even on the darkest days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


MF2 Yeh... Its over!!!.. 

Gulf, your right, every day is amnother day towards healing. 


Kris, thank you!!!xxoo......

I had an epiphany..( big word for a blond).... I was writing in my journal last night about all my fears for the future and the last thing I wrote was how I’m tired of my life being a battle and I always come out the loser.... and all of a sudden I saw that for the lie it is yet it’s the way I’ve been looking at this whole situation with my stbxh, I’m the victim, I’m the loser and that feeds my fear.. well no more! You guys can be my witnesses and throw my words back in my face when I start spouting that crap again. I’m not the loser he is...... I chose to take control of my life and take a better path. I’m not the cheater, I’m not the liar, and I’m not the one with addictions that have hurt my family over and over again. I was a damn good wife and mother. And I’m a fun, outgoing and compassionate woman! I’m going to start living like I’m not a victim again.....:smthumbup:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare- Happy Birthday! Best wishes for a great year with positive changes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Thank you M2F!!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

happy birthday doureallycare2.i wish you live,luck,peace and courage.

hope everybody is doing good.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

How are you doing Jmb?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

thank you JMB, I was actually a little depressed yesterday because the stbxh never contacted me once... I have to say that was a surprise. He ended up texting me about 4 times on v-day... nothing important.. just taxes and a pic of a baby that was named after him...ugh... But I figured he would text me first thing.. After all he gave me a christmas present and sent me all kinds of christmas messages. Anyways didnt bother me a lot just kinda of like whats going on...? I had a very nice day, girls at work treated me like a princess... A friend took me out for a drink after work and then my family, son, sister and her family, mom all took me out to dinner. I had a very nice time... I took my nephew home because for some reason even though hes 13 he still thinks im the fun aunt and he asked, so now im going to take him skating. I thought that would be good exercise for me and a break from the PX90 Ive been doing and the treadmill and elliptacal. So Ice skating here I come.... have a good day all.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

hey M2F,
am doing good.am back in job,and thats a good start for me.
Good for you that you have your life in control M2f having the emails blocked.I know the sadness is deep sometimes,but the peace and power that one feels on not being treated with disrespect is great.Hang in there.And all the best with your college .You better finish that essay and do it very nicely.You will surely get admitted.All the very best again.

doureallycare2,I am glad to hear you had a blast today and good for you that you have plans with your nephew for ice-skating.That is great.
You need to cut off from your ex totally.I still see how much you are hurting yourself by revolving your life around him.You are still seeking validation from him-I say this because you are feeling bad on him not calling you for his birthday!Why?Why in the whole world do you want a man to call you who has your interest as the last thing in the mind or perhaps does not even think of you.BECAUSE Why would we all be here if our spouse cared for us.THEY WOUDL NOT BE OUR EXs'.Treat him like a body part which has to be removed because of an accident(the divorce)because otherwise you would not survive the life threatening disease.Yes the loss of the part is great but atleast you do not have the pain anymore adn with time you shall start living a healthy life with a single limb.But now the life seems to be living with a broken painful limb (seeking validations and wanting the ex) and not healing it(on not trying to go real NC and detached). Someone gave me this example to make me understand and come out of the deep pain when I was not ready for a divorce and the divorce had forcefully been imposed on me.Today I feel the TAMER who had suggested this was right.I know life is never going to be the same.I shall always feel that in the name of a marraige I went through an accident and lost a limb(the ex ) but now with the healing and the operation ,I can live life life healthily,with nomore pain and insecurity.Lobe yurself more and truly.We are all manifestations of the real god.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

i meant your birthday not his.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb, wow.. I thought I get back on for a min while Im waiting for my nephew to get ready and read your post. I was actually starting to feel even sadder as I sat here and thought about his not calling or texting. was starting to go to that dark place of thinking they did go away... read your responce.. that you.. was not even thinking I needed his validation. But your right, I still wanted tome reasurance that he cared. what is wrong with me?


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> jmb, wow.. I thought I get back on for a min while Im waiting for my nephew to get ready and read your post. I was actually starting to feel even sadder as I sat here and thought about his not calling or texting. was starting to go to that dark place of thinking they did go away... read your responce.. that you.. was not even thinking I needed his validation. But your right, I still wanted tome reasurance that he cared. what is wrong with me?


Nothing is wrong with you...your just still having the codependent left over feelings from when you were with him...and it's your birthday etc..Validation was important to us women when we were with these self centered men back then and some of that is still spilled over onto us separated from them...just realize that...embrace it and understand we don't need their approval for a damn thing...we just don't. We are beautiful without them. We can smile and make another smile and we can laugh and make another laugh and cause a chain reaction all our own...

we don't need them for anything. Who cares if they ignore us on these holidays...were done with them...they burned us ladies...would it really have been better 'with them' after all? Really? 
Embrace your independence! I am trying my damdest to also...i've never been single...'ever'. (i'm 47) I've gone through thanksgiving...christmas...new years...birthday...valentines day...all without him...it's 'ok'...the day ends...just take in the moments and make them yours...

Screw them...our existence and validation comes from within...let others see us shine and when we get complimented on our changes...friggin' rock on man!...keep going...and going... 
it....can....be...done....

fk those tards...


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> jmb, wow.. I thought I get back on for a min while Im waiting for my nephew to get ready and read your post. I was actually starting to feel even sadder as I sat here and thought about his not calling or texting. was starting to go to that dark place of thinking they did go away... read your responce.. that you.. was not even thinking I needed his validation. But your right, I still wanted tome reasurance that he cared. what is wrong with me?


nothing is wrong with you.We just have to learn to love ourselves more and teach ourselves that we do not need them to care for us.cCan you give this as birthday present to yourself that you shall not seek and kind of emotions from him or anybody;that you are self sufficient and complete in yourself to find your happiness with or without anybody;

Being emotionally independent will not make us unhuman or cold but rather give us the power to love selflessly without needing anyone.I am trying to learn and adapt this in my life.


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## seriouslysad (Feb 16, 2013)

I feel like I go through this every other week, I destroyed my phone, and I deactivated all my account so I wouldn't feel the urge to contact him. As far as the OW goes, she wont last. This is my husbands number I dont know. They are think they won some "prize" the truth is they didnt. They inherited a disaster and are adding to it. I would try to worry, and just cry as much as you have to. I cry alot. Like to the point of getting horse. I try to keep it to myself as much as possible but sometimes I just sit with my son, and hug him. I dont know if this helps, Im sorry, I just hate it all. Families breaking up over these things.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

seriouslysad said:


> I feel like I go through this every other week, I destroyed my phone, and I deactivated all my account so I wouldn't feel the urge to contact him. As far as the OW goes, she wont last. This is my husbands number I dont know. They are think they won some "prize" the truth is they didnt. They inherited a disaster and are adding to it. I would try to worry, and just cry as much as you have to. I cry alot. Like to the point of getting horse. I try to keep it to myself as much as possible but sometimes I just sit with my son, and hug him. I dont know if this helps, Im sorry, I just hate it all. Families breaking up over these things.


hey stay strong.I wish you peace and happiness.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well wth...i just recieved a text
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

It came frm a number i dnt recognize but lo and behold its my STBXH...HE says "I would like you to meet my girlfriend,so that we can take the kids sometimes starting in march." wth? Is he that ****ing retarded?? He has not seen the kids in 3wks maybe close to 4..has not called,did ask me for pics! Big whoop! To openly say i need to meet his "girlfriend" while we are still legally married? Cmon now. Idk what to say...i didnt know how to react so i sent a simple GO **** YOURSELF! AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbrokephobia (Jan 8, 2013)

M2F, The games that people play with our hearts is just unreal! I WISH my STBXW would reach out to me, I really do, I want so badly for us to remain together but the possibility of that happening is looking more grim every day. It sounds like he is trying again to get a reaction out of you. I can advise you not to take the bait the next time but I know I would cave in and chat with my wife in a heartbeat.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Thank you everyone, Like I said I didnt realize I needed the pep talk but I really did...... It really does suck doesnt it? I just have to say once again that Im so glad for a forum like this where peole who have gone through it can help and those of us going through it can support each other... Thank you all for your words of support because they are all I have right now.... I havnt seen my Counslor in 2 weeks because of weather, I try not to over burden my family (Im the fun one, the one everyone else counts on) and with V-day and B=day its more draing than you know even if you think your doing ok.

Seriously sad: Im so sorry for your in pain and for all those tears but Im thankful you have your son.. hug him hard...

Heartbroken: Im so sorry your still hoping with such longing for something you dont think will happen, that must be very . disheartning. Your words to m2f were correct though I think he want a reaction.

Stella: Thanks again that in the midst of your struggles this week you can reach out and help me grow some balls ...LOL.... I really need them.....

JMB: Thanks again hun.......I am not emotionaly independent nor independet in any other way...Im very co-dependent, thats I think why I stayed in a physically and mentally abusive marriage for all these years.. Now 35 years later I have to work on it every day I guess because just when I think Im doing better I see that I have a long way to go.

m2f- wow... that husband of yours is a real peace of work isnt he? How unbeleivabley cruel and how does he think your children would even handle meeting the girl friend, does he care? The selfishness kills me. maybe when he shows a consistant visitation process with them himself they might be able to be introduced to new people and places but certainly not right now.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F-I need to tell you this.He is a real bast****.And I really want to stab him like I want to stab the POS of an ex I got in this life.Please moderators do not ban me for using these violent notes.

Things needs to be taken seriously now in your case.
Please consult a lawyer and get a legal order as to visitations.Also ask the lawyer that since he has never payed attention to the kids so in that case, you should be given full custody.

Also make it a point that you tell in the court that he is not at all thinking of the kids well being because he talks about introducing random women(alias *****s) to the kids while still remaining married!

All this is going to against him.

AND HE GOT YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE VENTED HERE .WHY DID YOU TEXT HIM BACK.LET THE LAW TAKE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS.
Visit a lawyer and then text him that there is going to be proper visitation schedules.HE IS THE FATHER.WHO HE STATS WITH HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR KIDS.

HE IS TRYING TO PULL YOU DOWN.Before you text him,fix the divorce proceedings,fix the visitation schedule through a lawyer and then text him withnCALMNESS AND DIGNITY that he has to folow court orders to see his children.

GET A RESTRAINING ORDER from the court against him.YOU ARE NOT LIABLE TO MEET HIS DIRTY WHOR* NEITHER ARE YOU LIABLE TO MEET THIS POS AGAIN.

Do you really ant him? WHpo the hell does he think he is?M2F just get the legal things rolling and let him go to hell.He has no respect and love for you.You are just a doormat to him who he was used to cheating on with and now is not able to take your strength;He is trying in everymanner to touch your strings because he KNOWS you love him.
SHOW HIM the DOOR;SHOW HIM that he is not the man whom you married and LOVED;SHOW HIM YOU DO NOT LOVE THE MAN HE IS BY ACTUALLY NOT WANTING HIM ANYMORE-BE INDIFFIRENT.THAT will empower you.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Thank you everyone, Like I said I didnt realize I needed the pep talk but I really did...... It really does suck doesnt it? I just have to say once again that Im so glad for a forum like this where peole who have gone through it can help and those of us going through it can support each other... Thank you all for your words of support because they are all I have right now.... I havnt seen my Counslor in 2 weeks because of weather, I try not to over burden my family (Im the fun one, the one everyone else counts on) and with V-day and B=day its more draing than you know even if you think your doing ok.
> 
> Seriously sad: Im so sorry for your in pain and for all those tears but Im thankful you have your son.. hug him hard...
> 
> ...


Hey am learning to everyday to be emotionally and physically independent.Its tough but it is worthwhile.I know after having tolerated all the nonsense when suddenly all this ends ,we feel an emptiness,and we want to fill it at any cost even at the expense of becoming a doormat.But this was not God's plan for us;God has given us happiness in the form of pain of divorce;be cause he wants us to live a real life, a peaceful life,a life to rediscover ourselves. There is sudden emptiness after living together in an abusive relation for so many years.We get used to all things bad and think it to be normal.It was never good though .It was sad.Do not try to fill the emptiness you feel by relenting to old ways.You have to find the new you.

You already know there is a problem.We all know.We were all co-dependent.We have to overcome this and start a peaceful and happy life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, do not respond to him.

See and attorney. YOur husband has not seen the children for weeks. Tell the attorney this. And ask if something can be done so that he cannot have your children about the OW or any other woman he's dating for a long time.

Get your divorce started. Right now he could take the children for visitation and refuse to return them to you. You'd have to go to court to fight to get your children back.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I text him bk so quick,without even thinking. It was pure anger. Im not even hurt,just mad as hell! I still have heard nothing at all from legal aide. The papers they sent out stated the whole process could take 6mnths?! I think he toys with me when it comes to the kids. He shows no concern for their well-being at all. I know if he was to see them it would be a ploy to show OW what a "good" man he is! He gives everyone a sappy woe is me story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Passive agressives thrive on getting a reaction-stop letting him get the best of you.Emails -texts can be used in court.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

my wonderful stbxh just showed up, said nothing about my b-day on friday just asked if I got the tax statement to sign and if I made care payment. Asked if I had to work tomorrow and said he would pick up some dog food then left....


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

leave him alone mama...

for good.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

NC Really works best for me. I dont hurt. Screw him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Are you doing ok?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yes im doin fine. How are you holdin up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Oh you know, been better been worse.. had a depressing day Sunday because he came over but yesterday and today ok. met with my councilor last night which was good. She reaffirmed how he is a manipulator and abuser but she also wondered if he was also going through the 5 stages of grief as he did not want a divorce. interesting concept but doesn’t change the fact that he’s selfish and wants his cake and eat it to. You have been really quiet lately just was wondering if you were holding up ok.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im at a point right now where ive kinda ran outta things to say about my situation. Im coming to terms with alot of things and realizing ill be just fine. Like you, I realize my STBXH is also a manipulator and a coward. Among a long list of other things. Im glad your holding up,i still log in here daily to read and respond so plz keep posting. Your in my prayers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

So for a cpl days my 6yro has been asking to call her dad. Ive been making excuses saying he is busy etc,because I know how he is,and whats it been a month again of nc with them? Finally today I let her call. It went like this- dd-"hi dad." ahole-"hi baby,how are you doing?" dd-"good! Why dont you ever see us?" ahole-"sigh-because im stupid,but ill let you know when i can see you" dd-"your not stupid, its not nice to say that. Can you come see us?" ahole-" not today but soon" dd says "here mom im done and hands me the phone. I pressed the end button. He didnt call back and dd didnt say anything else. The kids hardly ever ask about him,but when they do did I do the right thing letting her call?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

definitely!! you put that all on him and you can explain to your daughter that you know she misses her dad but that you lover her very much and she can talk to you about it.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well havent heard from POS STBXH at all since dd talked to him. I honestly dont feel any sadness when I think of him. Am i in the acceptance stage or will i be hit again with the sadness?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ignis (Feb 16, 2013)

Don't try to escape your pain. I know it hurts, but eventually it will make you stronger.

Let this OW be his Queen and cheer up because you are not anymore. Why would you want to be a cheater's glory?

I strongly believe there is someone else waiting for you, someone who will love - only you!


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Probably both, healing stage but steal yourself for a blue day or too even if its months from now. I wish I had no contact. My stbxh texted me 3 times yesterday and when he didn’t hear back from me emailed me twice today. Had to tell me he's going to his sisters in Texas at the end of March, we went together last march for two weeks. I’ve always been close to him but she thinks I’m being cruel filing “cruel and inhumane treatment" for the divorce so now she is 100 0/0 on his side. I of course am wondering if the OW is going on Vacation also and possibly her 14 year old son, one big happy family affair.... just makes me feel lonely.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare-what an ass your STBXH is! Why feel the need to let you know he is doing somethiog you guys once did together?! Anything to inflict pain on you,sick. Id hate to be him when the karma bus comes around!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Doyoureallycare-what an ass your STBXH is! Why feel the need to let you know he is doing somethiog you guys once did together?! Anything to inflict pain on you,sick. Id hate to be him when the karma bus comes around!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know I didn’t even look at it that way, I just thought he was letting me know he wasn’t going to be around. But you’re right. Why so far in advance if that’s the case... I think he was rubbing it in. I’m still so naive after all these years,


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Your not naive...your just like me. We have rug swept for so long,its second nature. What other reason would he have to tell you? Your getting divorced,so his whereabouts arent your concern. Hes a douche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

See in the end we are much stronger and better people.So even if sad days hit us from time to time,we get to know what is right ot wrong for us in the end.Its kind of survival strategy.Helping us out of a diseased like life when we were with our exs'.

So girls stay strong and know it whatever they try to do,however they try to rub it on our face,we are not to be let down.In the end we will be strong,happy and peaceful for we would have learnt what a happy life means without anybody.We would be indifferent not for them but just because they really mean nothing to us and had always been people who had hurt us.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I like that a lot JMB, I was telling my divorce class that I think my biggest issue is that I never saw myself as an individual, I always saw my self-worth as a pair as his wife and a mother, as a home maker. A job was only something to help my family and to give us some extra money so we could go on nice vacations or make improvements to our home. The only time I ever did anything for me was the last time I was separated and I took some computer classes so now I am able to have this job. I never sought value from my job or aspired to anything more than what I already had. How sad it is not to have your own identity. I’m learning to do so. I have to say I still tend to wall myself off emotionally from people and can feel lonely even in a large group but I think I’m coming out of it. I don’t want my identity to be with someone that only knows how to cause pain.... the thing about it is I think he conditioned me over the years to give my identity up. I was actually a strong personality as a teenager and could have my pick of any guy. Why I picked him I just don’t know…..I have a strong since of humor, was voted class clown in high school, very sarcastic though kind of like Ellen DE Generous. I think I use that as a mask though so no one can see the pain. I know I’ll be ok, Its just taking the steps to work my way there, I wish it could be overnight.. 


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

you are abs right doureallycare2.Yes I have been similar like you and everything you saidI have felt too in job and in life.I am learning to open up and have my own identity .I also had a blissful teen and all went wrong after his entry in my life.I lost myself only for him to leave me.I know my fault to let him in.You know what I am happy ,it is ok.Better late tha never.Its time for us now.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

When I first started this forum I was going thru a very dark period. I was hurting so much- and it really wasnt that long ago. I used this place as therapy,and a coping mechanism. I really havnt had any contact with STBXH,so my hurting episodes have bn fewer and far between. When I find myself upset I come on here and read until my eyes hurt. Lol! my posts have became farther apart but not intentionally-ive just seem to have run outta things to say atm. I pray the rest of you are doing well and finding your way out of that darkness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm always checking on you...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you! Knowing someone cares and can relate,makes this journey a tad bit easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I'm always checking on you...


me too.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I guess I've got to ask are you going to be free of the as***** any time soon?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Still not a word from legal aide. The initial packet they sent me said it could take up to 6 mnts! However ive had NC which to say the least is quite refreshing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Omg..I need advice. My STBXH called me and said he is going to die within the next hr or two. He said he has lost everything,and he is about to lose his self respect and freedom?! He then asked me to borrow 2000$ I was able to laugh. Idk what to say to him or what to think of all of this. Is this him fishing for contact? Help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Omg..I need advice. My STBXH called me and said he is going to die within the next hr or two. He said he has lost everything,and he is about to lose his self respect and freedom?! He then asked me to borrow 2000$ I was able to laugh. Idk what to say to him or what to think of all of this. Is this him fishing for contact? Help.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How does he plan to die? Suicide? 

My STBX has told me, countless times, that he was going to run his car into a tree. I finally told him where he could find a really big, solid oak tree.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

My husband told me he was going to hang himself in the other woman’s garage if I didn’t come back from VA when I left him during his last affair... I should have let him but no I came running back. This all sounds harsh, but really Mama, you know what it means...... don’t keep fishing for answers if he wanted a relationship with you to work what are the steps he would have to do? For real? It wouldn’t be threaten suicide or ask to borrow $. Whatever the reasons he is feeling desperate, you dont want any part of it.... don’t even respond next time.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

This ex of yours is so manipulative its just crazy !!! Don't fall for it !!! I'm sure he would take the money and tell you what a great time he had with it!!! My ex sends me e-mails and she is so nice when she wants something I do not respond. No contact is the key I have other friends and its just round and round with the ex thats why I just stay away life is so much easier.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Idk what his intentions are. I do know that im no longer a fixer. I was doing fine with Nc and he just finds a way to reach me. Its irritating and nerve wrecking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Our x's and their manipulative ways... here are my stbxh emails today:

STBXH: Fed taxes were dep last night in our sep accounts, can you dep what you agreed to pay on school taxs in our joint account so I can go pay land taxes today?
Me: Deposit? I will write a check out to the treasurer and leave it in the door for you instead. What do u mean “land” taxes? Don’t u mean School taxes?
STBXH: No I need to make payment today please dep in joint account. Land taxes are school taxes.
Me: I can’t do that, I’m at work and that bank is to far away, this is my late night and I can not go make a dep. I will write ck out.
STBXH: Ok, make out ck to me than so I only have to submit one check to pay the taxes.
Me: That makes no since to me.?????
STBXH: Why do you have to give me a hard time on everything? Just please make ck out to me ok?
Me: Fine I will leave the ck for you in the door. This is a busy day for me I have to get back to work.
STBXH: Sorry, Thank you for helping me pay them.

Needless to say the check is going to be made out to the treasures office.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Sounds like your STBXH has a plan for that moneyg..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Sounds like your STBXH has a plan for that moneyg..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im doubting my self here, does it sound like Im giving him a hard time? I mean really why not just take two checks to pay the taxes? right? Havbe you heard back from yours H yet?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Im doubting my self here, does it sound like Im giving him a hard time? I mean really why not just take two checks to pay the taxes? right? Havbe you heard back from yours H yet?


It won't hurt him to tote two checks to the treasurer's office. Don't back down. You've set your boundary, now stick to it. You're not okay writing the check to him.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five;1487363 He then asked me to borrow 2000$ I was able to laugh.[size=1 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/size]


Maybe his other women can pass the hat for him!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He wants me to just give him 2000..but according to him,he was going to die hrs ago?! Am i wrong for laughing? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Am i wrong for laughing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama2five said:


> He wants me to just give him 2000..but according to him,he was going to die hrs ago?! Am i wrong for laughing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No!

Don't give in to him. He is just trying to manipulate you. 

And if he's going to die why does he need $2000 and how does he intend to pay you back since he said "borrow" the money? Can you write checks from the grave? :scratchhead:


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

oh Mama2, Im sitting here hating these guys, crying..... and I dont even know yours.... I was doing so good too...I hate this, I really hate this.. I guess I poked the bear. I got the aggressive, mean H tonight. he texted me if I had check ready and I said yes he was at the house when I pulled in. anyways my car started making an awful noice on my way home.. honest to god it just started to night, its so loud he heard it sitting in his jeep. he says whats wrong? im like I dont know, he tells me to get out and he takes car for a drive comes back and says he thinks my CV joint is going i will need to take it to a garage. He fallows me in the house ask for the check I give it to him and he blows a gasket, starts yelling saying he will give me a receipt for the taxes but he's not taking two checks down. he rips my check up and throws it at me and demads one mad out to him when I say no and he better calm down. he starts screaming, dogs get scared run upstairs, he throws my purse at me that he sees sitting on the counter i tell him if he doesnt leave I will call the police as he is getting out of control so he proceeds to show me out of controll throwning the tv rmote that my candl that was on the coffie table. Says call them its kevin on duity tonight, my stbxh does some part time law enforcment and they are his friends. Im like ok I really dont see what this issue is but Ill do it but im writting for taxes in the memo so I have some proof thats what this money is for. he said fine and yell some more how he is paying all the bills ect...so after he calmly takes a seat and is petting the dogs. so I try and break the tension and bring up how are son, wife and the new grandson is coming to town this weekend and how glad I am to see the baby and he says "WHATEVER" Im like oh... ok..... I said well arent you excited to see the baby, he says not really, he'll never know me anyways. He said "I got to spend the last two weekends with the baby that was named after me (this is a couple that he did not know at all until last month-he was best friends with the mans dad growing up and they contacted him to tell him their grandmother died) and Ill be spending a lot of time with that family so Ill have a boy to take to zoo to make up for not having my grandson". 

Anyways I know this is long and I hope it makes since.. crying because I had to be around his temper again, crying because I gave in and feel like I lost some of my hard earned self respect and crying for my son that would be so hurt if he could have hurd the way his father dismissed his family and his son. Gave him this check and now I have to get my car fixed.... and no I wont stop payment, Ill live up to what I said and my commitments even if he doesnt.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Omg..what a night. My head hurts so bad. Me being the "fixer" I just couldnt leave well enough alone,I had to figure out why STBXH wanted $2000...so I met up with him and we had a heart to coldheart convo. He shed alot of tears. He claims to have the need for an atty due to some "bogus" charges against him that happened 17 yrs ago? So then he discloses some things that happened to him as a child,that he had never told me before! Im hurt& shocked and also unsure whether i believe?! Ugh- my stomach hurts. He tells me how many times he tried to kill himself after things happnd to him as a child. Why didnt he say these things b4?? He tried to hug me goodbye-and I just couldnt let him. He said his life is to complicated for me to be in it,he doesnt want to hurt me anymore and he wants to make things right? God help my broken heart tonite. Why am i so upset?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Doyoureallycare-im so sorry that you had such a rough evening. These STBXS really are something else. Yours was throwing a giant tantrum!! How comical. Please just dont allow him to manipulate you! Mine is still trying, asking me for help still,telling me he only has 4$ to his name,is staying in a backwoods motel..and nobody wants to be associated with him? He plays my heart strings well. I woke up sick to my stomach... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> doyoureallycare-im so sorry that you had such a rough evening. These stbxs really are something else. Yours was throwing a giant tantrum!! How comical. Please just dont allow him to manipulate you! Mine is still trying, asking me for help still,telling me he only has 4$ to his name,is staying in a backwoods motel..and nobody wants to be associated with him? He plays my heart strings well. I woke up sick to my stomach...
> _posted via mobile device_


do not help him.he can help himself well.stop being treated like door mat.
Now in the end its your wish m2f. I am really sad that you gave in to him.i used to find courage seeing you move on so strongly and you made me feel sad today.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb im sorry I made you sad. I felt like I had to meet with him to see what was going on. I set myself back,but I know ill be ok moving forward. I cant find hate in my heart for this man,even after all he has put me thru. If I could find hate it would be so much easier to just ignore him and his cries for help. Seeing him cry and tell me things he has went thru he looked like a sad little boy. My friend says it is karma coming after him,and he is being repaid for his sins. I just feel bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> It came frm a number i dnt recognize but lo and behold its my STBXH...HE says "I would like you to meet my girlfriend,so that we can take the kids sometimes starting in march." wth? Is he that ****ing retarded?? He has not seen the kids in 3wks maybe close to 4..has not called,did ask me for pics! Big whoop! To openly say i need to meet his "girlfriend" while we are still legally married? Cmon now. Idk what to say...i didnt know how to react so i sent a simple GO **** YOURSELF! AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember this when he gets all teary-eyed.



mama2five said:


> Mine is still trying, asking me for help still,telling me he only has 4$ to his name,is staying in a backwoods motel..and nobody wants to be associated with him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What happened to his GF(s) that he was flaunting in your face?



mama2five said:


> Seeing him cry and tell me things he has went thru he looked like a sad little boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know at some point we have to take responsibility for our piss poor choices in life no matter our past.Is he getting help? Does he want to change? All it is so far is "poor me".


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yeah, where is this awesome GF he was flaunting in your face last week? Why doesn't he go cry on her shoulder and ask her for money?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I asked him where the OWS are,he says he has no one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I feel the pain your are going through. You want to file first as you want to to the "plantiff" not the "defendant" If you are the d you will always have to defend yourself. "P" well you say what happened and the way things are what you want: support visitations ect..I was told ask for everything and anything and let the judge decide what is fair and in the best interest of the children. I tried to be nice and be fair..50/50...he turned into someone I never recognized...all the best...I will check back and see how you are getting along..I am struggling as well..2nd time and all..still hurts the same...take care...


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

M25.. He is manipulating you. Your going to end up down the same painful road with him. Pain from the past or no pain doesn't make him any less of a player. 

Doyoureallycare2...

I don't give a shxt who he knows is working the PD that night or any night. Dude is violent and explosive and controls you using it..you just gave him a reason to do it again next time. 
You back up your threat and call 911. You start the paper trail...you get a var and stop enabling his behavior. You feel crappy about the whole thing because you lost control. He got what he wanted using force and physical threats...c'mon really?! Call the fing cops! 

Get a restraining order talk to your lawyer...but doing nothing is where the problem lies. Girl paleese! The fact he used a cops name and uses the fact he knows these guys during these arguments should make you march right down and have powwow with the chief tomorrow and tell them you expect protection if/when called! You should report EXACTLY what happened and tell them you expect more of it. 
You need an advocate there...the chief...someone! 

DON'T SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING!!!!!!!


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> M25.. He is manipulating you. Your going to end up down the same painful road with him. Pain from the past or no pain doesn't make him any less of a player.
> 
> Doyoureallycare2...
> 
> ...


The Cheif, is Kevin, he was our neighbour for 14 years until he had an affair on his wife. his last gf accused him of stalking her but the police dept did a cover up. my stbxh does constable work, also balif work for the judges. However I also know the judges because I did day care for them when their daughters were young


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> The Cheif, is Kevin, he was our neighbour for 14 years until he had an affair on his wife. his last gf accused him of stalking her but the police dept did a cover up. my stbxh does constable work, also balif work for the judges. However I also know the judges because I did day care for them when their daughters were young


Girl. You need to move.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Girl. You need to move.


Agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

M25, I agree with Stella here. This guy is manipulating you. Most likely the wonderful girlfriend had enough and gave him the boot. So he wimpers back. You are nobody's Plan B! You have to stay strong and remember what he has done. That is the best indication of what he will do in the future, absent some type of intervention, which I'm just not seeing here


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Agree!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh i have a update....as i posted my STBXH contacted me last wk, we met up and talk. He is being accused of things that happened 17 yrs ago and if charged is facing serious jail time.

Hence he contacted me to ask for help in retaining him and atty. Tells me there are no OWS that he wants his wife and is tired of waking up without his family.

I tell him im not giving him any money, i am not taking from my kids when i am the sole provider. He has since continued talking to me daily. Thru texts and one phone convo. He professes his love,how stupid he has been, that he got saved. He wants to change our relationship for thebetter.

The first twi days i cried. My heart and brain were fighting. I really had no idea wtf to do. Even thru it all i still wanted my family.

I was supposed to pick him up last night at 7pm. He was to come spend the night and spend today with me and kids. He stopped texting me at 5pm yest and didnt text again til 9pm. He said he was sleeping. I told him he hurt my kids for the last time. I feel its best he goes his own way. This am he is texting me...

When i asked you for help you tried to set boundaries with me. When i asked for money you tried to get me to come back so you can account for what i spent it on.
You need to read that more carefully. Because we were joined in marriage. And i did not complain or act funny when it came to taking care of my family.

I said I just know that too much has happened,been said & done. I feel as if i cannot be with you because i do not trust you. Without trust there is nothing. 

He rsponded with: 

I dont trust u either because when u let people touch ur phone to contact me. They never respected you. When people wanted to contact u. I told them.no. The oneS that did disrespected me and i got rid of them.

Im not worried anymore i really gave myself to god. I want to live in his ways this time. No bs im tired of living in the dark. I want to live in the light. I mAde mistakes and im ready to face them.

With or without you because i know deep down you want this marriage over. 
Maybe for the time being. Remember people come in ur life for a season or a reason. Ur reason was to show me how not to be treated and how not to treat people. 

You try to live like ur mom instead of being yourself. you mentally abused me for years. Just like i did you. When i tried to show u that i have compassion and show u that i was willing to grow with u. U rejected me like u always have for yrs. Thats why i left because the grass was greener on the other side for u always.

I didnt respond. Once again my heart is playing yo_yo with my head. How to differentiate genuine remorse to just words??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

He's not remorseful. He's still blameshifting.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> He's not remorseful. He's still blameshifting.


This is more text convo from a few min ago::


To be in a relationship with me, you have lost all rights to privacy, due to all ur lies and.cheating. I would need.full transparancy from you Access to all emails, facebook your phone anytime no ques asked and you would have to write no contact letters to all the *****s and send thm via certified mail


His response:
True but i didnt want to check your ****.U cant set boundaries
Brcause i never set any for u ever. Even if i did u never went thru them. 

Mine:
Thats what i need. In order to try and trust you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I didnt respond. Once again my heart is playing yo_yo with my head. How to differentiate genuine remorse to just words??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't listen to his words, watch his actions. 

The whole thing where he was supposed to come over and then didn't even call....actions. Just shows exactly where he is really at with all of this.

You need to go NC with him unless it concerns your D. He will just continue to play the word games which will continually mess with your mind. 

Please mama....NC for your sake.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F.

This is your testing time.The most crucial one.Now he is trying everyway to pull you down.But you have to chose between whether yu want abuse or you wnat to start a frsh life.You do not need him.
He has come running to you so that you help him in his distress.

Also,let YOUR HEART NOT HURT YOU anymore.TELL YOIR HEART to STOP FOOLING you.Do you wnat your children tp see all this nonsense when they grow up.DO you want them to learn cheating and abuse.DO you want them to see how weak their mother was always allowing their cheating father to play around with her.

STAY STRONG MAMA,one last time.DO not give in to HIM.

Please go through YOUR POST what you ahve felt in all these 34 pages and you will know how you have felt.

IF HE IS GENUINE,LET HIM FIGHT FOR YOU;EVEN THEN IT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE TO AHVE AN UNHEALTHY MAN AGAIN OR NOT.

TELL YOUR HEART NO MORE TO PLAY YO YO.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

His texts don't sound like someone who's found God.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Girl. You need to move.


lol, that’s an understatement.... We are entrenched in this little small community where everyone knows everyone and My husband is a big shot superintendent for the school system, has side jobs of law enforcement and teaches at boces. Who am I? I’m his wife.. When people point me out .. that’s so and so's wife, she’s quiet, shy, doesn’t say much. My husbands, the life of the party, very social until you make him mad than he simply doesn’t talk to you anymore and you don’t even know what happened.. If you don’t know the 2 of us together, for example at my work.. They think I’m the outgoing one...the one that’s fun to be around...but then he didn’t control me at work... It was a free zone. I cant wait to move!!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> lol, that’s an understatement.... We are entrenched in this little small community where everyone knows everyone and My husband is a big shot superintendent for the school system, has side jobs of law enforcement and teaches at boces. Who am I? I’m his wife.. When people point me out .. that’s so and so's wife, she’s quiet, shy, doesn’t say much. My husbands, the life of the party, very social until you make him mad than he simply doesn’t talk to you anymore and you don’t even know what happened.. If you don’t know the 2 of us together, for example at my work.. They think I’m the outgoing one...the one that’s fun to be around...but then he didn’t control me at work... It was a free zone. I cant wait to move!!


Wait...

Your H is a man of stature and he's cheating on you?!

Oh my God. You could have a field day with that!


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Why do you think he is so worried about me causing problems for him at work? all it would take is an acquisition.... I could ruin his whole life in one sentence and he knows it.. I don’t even need a sentence.. I have a letter from someone thirty-six years ago thanking me for helping them get closure...All I have to do is hand that letter over... but like Ive said before I have two sons.. that now in the middle of divorce is not the time to cause a scandal.. it would be malicious and hurtful to the ones I love the most.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

TBT said:


> His texts don't sound like someone who's found God.


I agree TBT. Im not really buying into this "whole changed man" thing. Only because part of this ive heard several times before, and also because as others have mentioned his actions speak loudly! 

I dont feel strong enough or confident enough I guess you could say to go back down that road. I dont want my,kids to see me hurt or for them to be hurt. This is hard. I wish it was much easier. I wish i had something to show me im,making the right decision. :-[
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> lol, that’s an understatement.... We are entrenched in this little small community where everyone knows everyone and My husband is a big shot superintendent for the school system, has side jobs of law enforcement and teaches at boces. Who am I? I’m his wife.. When people point me out .. that’s so and so's wife, she’s quiet, shy, doesn’t say much. My husbands, the life of the party, very social until you make him mad than he simply doesn’t talk to you anymore and you don’t even know what happened.. If you don’t know the 2 of us together, for example at my work.. They think I’m the outgoing one...the one that’s fun to be around...but then he didn’t control me at work... It was a free zone. I cant wait to move!!


Hey Doureallycare2.
Stella dook the bold step and put a stop to the nonsense in her life.That is ehy we are all here.To see and learn bold things from each other.Whatever your husband is,it is because of the image he has created.Expose him.And the end the ,isery.Once people will come to know he is getting divorced,the once shy wife who will for once speak,will attract people more than your social husband.But this is all secondary.You have to stop the nonsense for your sanity.Do not be scared.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> This is hard. I wish it was much easier. I wish i had something to show me im,making the right decision. :-[
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know it's hard m2f,but it will pass if you stay the course.As far as knowing whether or not you made the right decision,just remember your decision is based on his prior and very consistent actions.You can't be saying "well,but what if..." or you would just be denying the facts.He's similar in a way to the little boy who cried wolf...in the end nobody believed him,and rightfully so.Take care mama.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

TBT said:


> I know it's hard m2f,but it will pass if you stay the course.As far as knowing whether or not you made the right decision,just remember your decision is based on his prior and very consistent actions.You can't be saying "well,but what if..." or you would just be denying the facts.He's similar in a way to the little boy who cried wolf...in the end nobody believed him,and rightfully so.Take care mama.


Your right TBT. I need to stay the course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

TBT said:


> I know it's hard m2f,but it will pass if you stay the course.As far as knowing whether or not you made the right decision,just remember your decision is based on his prior and very consistent actions.You can't be saying "well,but what if..." or you would just be denying the facts.He's similar in a way to the little boy who cried wolf...in the end nobody believed him,and rightfully so.Take care mama.


Mama, I don’t take giving anyone advice lightly... I’m so worried for you.. But please be careful.. if your husband has really changed and if he really wants you and your children in his life than you will see the manifestation of that even a year from now.. go slow... go very slow.. Make him prove himself for at least a year maybe 2 or 3... I know that sounds like a lot. Take it from someone that kept forgiving and did not get a long enough proving time...don’t even date... when you feel up to it maybe just go on walks together and talk about the children not your relationship, see how he relates to you and the world.. see if he genuinely is interested in you and your welfare. His lifestyle will show a change over time.. Please be careful...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> Mama, I don’t take giving anyone advice lightly... I’m so worried for you.. But please be careful.. if your husband has really changed and if he really wants you and your children in his life than you will see the manifestation of that even a year from now.. go slow... go very slow.. Make him prove himself for at least a year maybe 2 or 3... I know that sounds like a lot. Take it from someone that kept forgiving and did not get a long enough proving time...don’t even date... when you feel up to it maybe just go on walks together and talk about the children not your relationship, see how he relates to you and the world.. see if he genuinely is interested in you and your welfare. His lifestyle will show a change over time.. Please be careful...


Thank you doyoureallycare. I am having a hard time believing that he is sincere. Therefore I think I need to stay my course of obtaining,a D. There is alot of hurt and anger, and absolutely zero trust! As vibride said watch his actions, theyve been nothing except a few phone conversations and lots of texts. 

I find myself not even really upset over this. Is tht normal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Haven't heard from you in a bit mama...hope you're doing okay.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

TBT said:


> Haven't heard from you in a bit mama...hope you're doing okay.


I am doing fine TBT just havent had an update. Thanls for checking on me thi. I appreciate it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

M2F,Doureallycare2 and all my other TAM friends.How is life going on.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I’m doing well JMB how about you? I went to a concert on Saturday, then Sunday just spent the day by myself w/dogs. Funny how sometimes the day after being social can make you feel lonely. Trying to stay strong and not dwell on negative things to much. My stbxh has been unusually quite the past few weeks since our last fight. When I told him to go and enjoy life I think he took me seriously. Anyways he’s going on Vacation soon, not sure exactly when but his B-day is the 25th and he said he would be in Texas for it...Last year we went together...just feeling blue.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

doureallycare2 said:


> I’m doing well JMB how about you? I went to a concert on Saturday, then Sunday just spent the day by myself w/dogs. Funny how sometimes the day after being social can make you feel lonely. Trying to stay strong and not dwell on negative things to much. My stbxh has been unusually quite the past few weeks since our last fight. When I told him to go and enjoy life I think he took me seriously. Anyways he’s going on Vacation soon, not sure exactly when but his B-day is the 25th and he said he would be in Texas for it...Last year we went together...just feeling blue.


Stay strong dear.I have made a comment on your other post.I want you to meet a new person! That new person is A STRONG ,HEALTHY ,HAPPY AND CONTENT You!Its up to you when you decide to meet THAT YOU!.

Please no desire in ths life is greater than our mental and physucal peace and health.You wanting to be with your husband is just a desire.Its you wanting to seek happiness through him But You can be happy with or without him irrespective.Please internalize on this thought. AND LET ME KNOW WHEN HAVE YOU PLANNED TO MEET THAT NEW PERSON,THE NEW YOU.

I am doing good.Am focusing on my job.I do get cycles of anger,guilt ,sadness etc.But I have come to an acceptance.I need to forgive myself and try my best to forgive the person who met me in this life time as my husband but now is my EX. Job is keeping me pretty occupied and have also started doing community service activity.So it helps.I am going to find a happy life for me.That I am sure of!

I hope M2F is doing good too.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Stay strong dear.I have made a comment on your other post.I want you to meet a new person! That new person is A STRONG ,HEALTHY ,HAPPY AND CONTENT You!Its up to you when you decide to meet THAT YOU!.
> 
> Please no desire in ths life is greater than our mental and physucal peace and health.You wanting to be with your husband is just a desire.Its you wanting to seek happiness through him But You can be happy with or without him irrespective.Please internalize on this thought. AND LET ME KNOW WHEN HAVE YOU PLANNED TO MEET THAT NEW PERSON,THE NEW YOU.
> 
> ...



Hello ladies! I am still holding strong,the.dr increased my antidepressant a ffew wks ago. Ive been keeping busy with the little ones and lil home improvements/changes. Still looking for employment and trying to.find a strong subject that I.would like to make.a career out of, for school. Things have been quiet with STBXH. HAPPY SPRING!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I miss you...


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I miss you...


I miss you to. How are you doing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five...

check in....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> mama2five...
> 
> check in....



Hello Stella and my other TAM friends. I am doin well, AS much to be ezpectedI guess. Stbxh has tried several times contacting me an pleading his love and need for me. Im not buying it. Its been over a month since he has seen or spoke to kids. Still waiting on Legal Aide. Most days I keep busy and try to focus less an less on him or this dead marriage. Sorry I havent posted for awhile I just havnt had much to say and I have been rug sweeping all of this. I barely cry anymore. How are u guys all doing???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Hello Stella and my other TAM friends. I am doin well, AS much to be ezpectedI guess. Stbxh has tried several times contacting me an pleading his love and need for me. Im not buying it. Its been over a month since he has seen or spoke to kids. Still waiting on Legal Aide. Most days I keep busy and try to focus less an less on him or this dead marriage. Sorry I havent posted for awhile I just havnt had much to say and I have been rug sweeping all of this. I barely cry anymore. How are u guys all doing???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


girl paleese GREAT to hear from you...instead of revamping here if you get a chance stop by my thread I've updated there though you might have to go back a page or two being you haven't been on... 

I'm proud of you...the way you've hung in there leaving him alone...total awesomeness...want you to post more on here though...let us know what's up and such and keep helping us out...your full of good adivice and your needed so if you have the time..  your not forgotten yanno!!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> girl paleese GREAT to hear from you...instead of revamping here if you get a chance stop by my thread I've updated there though you might have to go back a page or two being you haven't been on...
> 
> I'm proud of you...the way you've hung in there leaving him alone...total awesomeness...want you to post more on here though...let us know what's up and such and keep helping us out...your full of good adivice and your needed so if you have the time..  your not forgotten yanno!!!


Well hello friends! Im feeling blue tonight, all around me ppl.are in love or getting married. Everywhere i go i.see couples holding hands,smiling just so full of life. Then here i.am a single mother,barely any.type of.social life, no friends, little family. I feel so alone....and scared!

Idk if ill ever meet anyone who will accept me and my kids as a package deal. My babies come first and always will. I want love,happiness,comfort. Im soo tired of going to bed alone and waking the same way. I did talk to a few guys i met on facebook (mistake). Never met up face to face just talked alot, occupied time then its like they got bored...idk?! I just want more outta life.. I want to be happy,carefree, vibrant! I know im full of life!!! Its buried so deep.

Im still hurt over this shyt.with stbxh but damn, life is passing me by. I dont want to be alone forever....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Well hello friends! Im feeling blue tonight, all around me ppl.are in love or getting married. Everywhere i go i.see couples holding hands,smiling just so full of life. Then here i.am a single mother,barely any.type of.social life, no friends, little family. I feel so alone....and scared!
> 
> Idk if ill ever meet anyone who will accept me and my kids as a package deal. My babies come first and always will. I want love,happiness,comfort. Im soo tired of going to bed alone and waking the same way. I did talk to a few guys i met on facebook (mistake). Never met up face to face just talked alot, occupied time then its like they got bored...idk?! I just want more outta life.. I want to be happy,carefree, vibrant! I know im full of life!!! Its buried so deep.
> 
> ...


Boy, it must be because of the time of year or something but all of a sudden, the 3 of us all had a little more difficult week-end then usual lately. ( I posted a little of my thoughts about the weekend on Stella’s thread.)

You are young and you have a lot to offer someone. You will be snatched up. Just make sure the person is worth your time and being included into "your family". Believe it or not this is your time to be picky!!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Have you tried meetup.com? It's just groups of people with similar interests who get together and do things. No dating. Just socializing.

You sound like an amazing lady. I hope you find that amazing man who will love you and your kids.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

sandc said:


> Have you tried meetup.com? It's just groups of people with similar interests who get together and do things. No dating. Just socializing.
> 
> You sound like an amazing lady. I hope you find that amazing man who will love you and your kids.


Thanks both of you
, i havnt tried meetup but ill def look into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yay! Im back on the rollercoaster! (insert sarcasm)
I HATE HIM! I hate him for invading my thoughts. I hate him for ignoring our children., i hate him for making me a single parent. I hate him for BREATHING. i hate him for.choosing not to keep his dyck in his pants countless times. I hate him for leaving me and our children high and dry without.even a second thought. Disgusting,worthless pig!!! Im angry! I want to cry but i have no tears...

He hasnt seen or spoke to the kids in almost two months. Shame on tht [email protected]! lying,filthy scum. Has the audacity to text me "he misses,me. " pfft..go *** urself!! He lives with a [email protected], sleeps in same bed and claims to do nothing..excuse me while i LMMFAO!! Who does he think.hes fooling!? I know him..all to well. More than I ever wished i did.
Where is karma??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Yay! Im back on the rollercoaster! (insert sarcasm)
> I HATE HIM! I hate him for invading my thoughts. I hate him for ignoring our children., i hate him for making me a single parent. I hate him for BREATHING. i hate him for.choosing not to keep his dyck in his pants countless times. I hate him for leaving me and our children high and dry without.even a second thought. Disgusting,worthless pig!!! Im angry! I want to cry but i have no tears...
> 
> He hasnt seen or spoke to the kids in almost two months. Shame on tht [email protected]! lying,filthy scum. Has the audacity to text me "he misses,me. " pfft..go *** urself!! He lives with a [email protected], sleeps in same bed and claims to do nothing..excuse me while i LMMFAO!! Who does he think.hes fooling!? I know him..all to well. More than I ever wished i did.
> ...


Shhhh.....

He's a joke. They are both jokes. Karma is around the corner. We can't change or control who they are...but find a way to channel that anger and let it out...I took my bat and smashed a wooden pallet to bits the other day...it exhorts the negative energy within me...you see before my wrist and thumb were broken I used to enjoy boxing...I can't box anymore but I can grip a bat and swing...impact and smash...I'm telling you this works. Well it does for me. 
you work out? ...have you been able to just scream alone in your car til you couldn't? If I can exhaust myself physically...crazy dancing...it can help...it helps get that 'hate out'... I can't emphasize enough how a physical release can do wonders for us mentally and emotionally...even if only for a bit while you work on your other things  

Your on the roller coaster...I've been on one too...we all do it...lets us both try harder to not let them 'win' and consume our thoughts and such...they get the power...lets find a way to turn it around...but know it's ok what you feel....but girl...let your body release it...then write it and express it here when your done...it works for me...and everyone here knows....I'm angry....and feel 'hate'...
Xoxoxo


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I hear you Mama, the one thing I havnt done is get really angrey.. something inside me does not let me "let go" does not let me really feal anger. I used to tell im that I couldnt get angrey because he would alway use my anger to get angryier and break things or take it out on the boys with yealling screaming and so forth. I was even stranggled one time until I passed out for daring to yell at him. so I think my anger between him and my stepfather got squished over the years.... but its there.. its deep down and I wis I could screem that I hate him, I wish I could even feel that.. so I say let it go ....


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

mama2five said:


> Hey guys...guess what? Im a fxcking idiot. I gave in and started responding. He started off by saying he realizes everything he is about to lose and it hurts his soul, he has been throwing up and cant sleep. Well wtf welcpme to my heartache! Then he say there is no more us. Its over. I cant protect you, ive done to much wrong in my life. I ltell him he is a coward for abandoning us, he sats he is not a ,oward its just to much for him to handle rivht now and that I dont understand?
> 
> WTF? I said your right I dont understand how you can "ive with another woman, with all the perks of a marrige but be married to me and tell me you love me. His response was...please leave me alone?
> 
> ...


This is nearly the exact same dialogue my STBXH spins my way every few days.

He's crazy, I'm sure of it... none of it makes sense and I don't listen to any of it. My STBXH is still in contact with the (pregnant) OW...

Ignore him or you'll lose your sanity. These men are way too messed up in the head - you'll never have anything even remotely near to a normal trusting relationship with him.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

Mama, I just did a long post on A12's thread so wont go into it but its hard.... I know.. you know your doing the right thing but it just keeps tearing you apart. I beleive its because once we give our heart, made vows that we honored and ment. this is not natual. its not natural to our hearts and our souls. we have to find a way to mend both.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are today M2F.

You will be just fine ,trust me.

Let me tell you this,that man does not realize your worth so he is still playing games with you.You have to be serious now in your life and abandon him forever.May be or may be not you will want him when he comes back.I doubt you will want him.But you have to gain your self worth back.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> How are today M2F.
> 
> You will be just fine ,trust me.
> 
> Let me tell you this,that man does not realize your worth so he is still playing games with you.You have to be serious now in your life and abandon him forever.May be or may be not you will want him when he comes back.I doubt you will want him.But you have to gain your self worth back.


hello ladies & Happy Mothers Day! Ive been nc with STBXH.again since my last post. He did text today an wish me happy mothers day. I deleted it. Im doing ok, ive been feeling lonely lately alot, thoughts cross my mind of turning back tosatisfy that urge of lonliness...but,then would it even be satisfied?! No!! Ive came to far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

My STBXH bought a card (on behalf of our son) and roses over this morning for mother's day. Which I appreciated. I've been NC for a week and he's now turned nasty and snappy at me. Not that I care... 

When he was giving me the roses he couldn't resist saying "you look beautiful" and "you deserve these your the best mom".

I said thank you and closed the door


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Happy Mother's Day mama2five! Stay strong.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I dont understand the warped minds of our exes, and I think id drive myself crazy trying to!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaKarmaTrain! (May 17, 2012)

Po12345 said:


> Like others have told me on here, the worst part of an extended attempt to repair a marriage, where only one person is trying to actually fix anything, is that the spouse trying to fix the marriage runs the risk, and usually does, completely lose themselves within the broken marriage, and when everything does come to the inevitable end... that spouse doesn't even know who he or she is anymore.
> 
> Goals? Gone. Self worth? Gone Drive to succeed? Gone. Hobbies and interests? Gone. It is utterly gut wrenching... even the most simple of obstacles: a burned out light bulb, getting my children ready for day care, even climbing out of bed... seem to take 1000X more energy than they should.
> 
> I get by day by day knowing that things are going to get better. But God help me through these next couple of months because I can't do this alone...


I am just kind of thumbing through this thread and this quote represents the closet to how I actually feel/how things happened.

The sad part is I am 18 months out post seperation, going through a nasty custody battle and still feel the same as what is quoted above. When will it end...who knows, but I am tired of it.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Any update mama2five? How are you doing?


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

How have you been?


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

DaKarmaTrain! said:


> I am just kind of thumbing through this thread and this quote represents the closet to how I actually feel/how things happened.
> 
> The sad part is I am 18 months out post seperation, going through a nasty custody battle and still feel the same as what is quoted above. When will it end...who knows, but I am tired of it.


I thought and felt this way, however I have discoverd that their not gone just barried very deepley.. If you dig hard enough you will find it all back, it just takes time to shake the dirt off.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Mama2five,How have you been.Its a long time since I posted here .No updates from your end.
Do let us know however things are.You are in my prayers.

Doureallycare2,hope you too are doing well.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Mama2five,How have you been.Its a long time since I posted here .No updates from your end.
> Do let us know however things are.You are in my prayers.
> 
> Doureallycare2,hope you too are doing well.


JMB, Hi how are you? I hope your doing well?

Im doing well, divorce should be final. I just havnt gotten the paperwork yet from the courthouse.

I actually met a seemeingly very charming man, however after only a couple of weeks of talking I decided Im not ready for any kind of a relationship yet and would probably end up hurting him if he was being sincere. I didnt think I would have a hard time trusting other men but I do. I doubted eveything he said yet I believed he was being honest... oh well...

Havnt heard from mama in a while..... I also wonder how she is holding up.


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