# Trying to save my marriage



## lovethywife (Jun 12, 2013)

My wife and I have been married for 20 yrs with 3 kids...my feeling the last 6-12 months is that she is just hanging with me until the kids are old enough to be on their own and out of school (7 yrs). She is not very happy she says and many times I feel tension like when we lie in bed and don't talk much. I try to talk but she doesn't want to many times. She never says kind words to me, snaps at me all the time and basically criticizes me constantly. I love her very much and have told her I will do whatever to save our marriage long term and work on it. I've even made conscious effort to change some of my annoying habits to her. I've gone out of my way to help her with anything around the house. I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells as I'm trying not to do or say anything to piss her off. She does pick at everything I do and seems like I can't do anything right. She gets annoyed if I bring up the subject of how our relationship is doing and has told me to stop talking about it. I only bring it up (and maybe to often) because her actions seem so mean at times, like she hates me...anyway, my plan is to keep on doing whatever I can do win back her love. I've actually started to hug her every night in bed to say good night and also when she leaves for work. She will let me hug her, but doesn't really hug back and is rolling her eyes! I thought of sending flowers today, but am concerned she will see it as an act of desperation (since there is no occasion and based on how things have been at home). I also don't want to annoy her more. For the record, probably haven't sent her flowers in about 20 yrs. Any thoughts on flowers..like I said I'm concerned she'll think I'm pushing too much to fix everything right away!


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## sunray (May 12, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

I don't know if I'd send flowers when hugs are not well received. You've told her your concerns. What about marriage counseling? Tell her you want to do all you can and this would part of that plan. However, MC is NOT a sure thing with saving your marriage but it could help answer questions.


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## lovethywife (Jun 12, 2013)

I've suggested counseling, she's not interested. It looks like she just wants to go through the motions and has no interest in trying to rekindle any romance. We actually have our 20th wed anniversary next month and I was going to plan a night out in the city and also look to maybe get her a new anniversary band, etc. I was going to surprise her with the night out and tell her the day before. I'm starting to question that as I have no idea how any of that will be received. Wondering if I'm just throwing away money! Trying to stay patience but its very frustrating when you get no response at all.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

No More Mr Nice Guy. It's a book. Read it before you try anything else.


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## sunray (May 12, 2013)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. That is no way to live for you or her. If you want to go to MC, insist on going. If she refuses then you can still go on your own. Maybe she'll start seeing changes in you and attend later; always keep the invitation open for her to attend. 

I don't feel there is anything you can do (actions or gifts) that will "rekindle" romance. Counseling can help identify the issues so you as well as her can start addressing them. 

Also, I feel you can read all the books you want, and those are "self help" books. So, yes help yourself and read the books but they aren't going to make her change her behavior or her mind. I feel, this will happen once she/you identify the problems and address them.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

lovethywife said:


> I thought of sending flowers today, but am concerned she will see it as an act of desperation


You got that part right.


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