# Letter to my husband i want to send next week



## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

*Below is a copy of a letter that I have composed and wish to send to my husband next week. Please read it over and let me know what you think. Thanks for the advice.*

I have always been a believer in trying everything possible to fix a problem. I don’t know how to fix these issues between you and I. I know that I am trying my best to be strong and continue to make changes which you finally admitted that you saw me making.

It has just been over a week of us being separated and it is really hard. I miss talking to you every day. I miss you coming and cuddling with me before I go to sleep. I miss you making me laugh and making me think about things I never considered before.

I have been getting so much advice on what to do, it is overwhelming. I have people telling me to be patient, slow down, take it day by day and try to work it out. I have other people saying you have no respect for me at all and I should file for divorce right away and get out.

At this point I don’t know what to do. So I am taking it day by day and working on making myself a better person. I can see that this has been hard on you as well and you are having a tough time too. I admit I do not understand why you can’t move forward and learn to let the anger go. I do understand that you have a right to your feelings but holding onto them this long is not good. Please consider talking to a counsellor to help you get through these feelings you are holding onto. 

I am still willing to work through these problems and start fresh. I would like us to communicate better and would like for us to go back to the marriage counsellor and talk these things through. I find too many couples give up so quickly and don’t take the time work through the issues and give it the time it needs to work. I get it, these problems will not fix themselves overnight, but they can be fixed. Is it really worth it to you to throw our marriage away without really trying to fix it? 

I feel we have a potential for a great marriage. Take the time you need to figure things out. I do not want to rush into anything and I hope you feel the same.

Love Tricia


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

I am going to tell you something you do not want to hear.

Do not send this letter, or any letter for that matter. Letters never have the desired impact of pulling a wayward spouse back.

It takes two work on a marriage. And, right now you don't have a willing partner.

Work on the only thing that you can at this point: you.

What are you doing to improve yourself?

Are you in individual counseling?


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

I am in individual counselling right now. I have been going to the gym trying to lose some weight so I have better self esteem. I am not sitting at home moping. Spending time with my friends and family. 
Maybe your right, I think I won't send the letter but it did make me feel better writing it.

Since my husband left, I have been the one keeping my distance. I don't contact him unless necessary(bills) I let him make the communication.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I know how you feel because I did the exact same thing and I think it actually made my STBXW (Raider) pull farther away. It's good that you wrote the letter...just don't send it to him. Hold on to it and go forward with the advice that you've been given. IC, NC/180, and continue on your physical and mental health. It's tough..but the more you do it, the easier it gets. My 2 cents.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Do not send the letter, you will regret it because it will NOT have the desired effect.

What AFPhoenix said.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Do not send it. If someone loves and they know the relationship is in jeopardy they go out of their way to show you.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I kind of think too that your husband will also get some power out of it...wow look at me she wants me back desperately. Best thing to do as hard as it is is just hold strong and do some of the 180.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I like the fact that you are keeping busy...I know sometimes it is easy to just sit on your butt and mope (believe me I have done it) however even if you do not feel like it keep busy.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

What is this 180 that people keep mentioning?


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## Convict (Feb 16, 2014)

I totally feel ur pain and dilemma. 

Before u send or don't send the letter, all I would suggest is that u ask yourself what kind of husband do u have. If loyalty and commitment are prevalent in his character, then sending him the letter might resonate positively with him. If he is the more of the selfish and un compassionate type, then the letter will only backfire and make him feel more in control, like the other posters here said.

I am guessing he is not the loyal and committed type, thats why he left after all. So yes, ditch the letter for now. 

I only wish my stbxw wrote me something like that and had the determination to fix our M the way u do. But I realized she is not worthy of my loyalty if she displayed none herself.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

Normally I would say he is loyal and the committed type. But lately it is the more selfish. I have decided not to send it. I may make more letters and not send them. It did make me feel better writing it and getting my feelings out.


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## Convict (Feb 16, 2014)

I joined TAM just a few days ago at one of my lowest points when I realized my M was finally over. Expressing ur feelings freely here is really a great way to feel better. I would encourage u to keep doing that. It's a very special sanctuary that I think we all appreciate.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Here you go:

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

Thank you Highwood!!! It is interesting I just had ordered that book Divorce Busting and was waiting for it to come in.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Thjor said:


> Thank you Highwood!!! It is interesting I just had ordered that book Divorce Busting and was waiting for it to come in.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

:iagree:

I bought Divorce Busting one week after STBXW rejected me for good. It's a great book and I will keep it forever. I wish I bought it before I got married, and certainly before we tried MC during S and R. 

Oh well. Live and learn. The lessons from the book along with the D are still good. My future wife, if I decide to marry again, will be thankful.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

I'm sorry but even though it's a well worded letter...better not send it. It will only give you an opposite-of-what-you-want result and make you feel pathetic/embarrassed/stupid afterwards. And just as bad, give him a lot of power and an ego boost.

Trust me. I sent letters. Didn't do any good.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

I have to agree with everyone on this, I wouldn't send the letter by all means hold onto it maybe for later. But I think in time you will realise that you don't need to send the letter anymore, hopefully things will work out for you. 

I sent many long messages to my stbxh, they had the desired effect of hitting him hard and making him feel guilty for his actions. Every time I sent him a message he would start contacting me again telling me he was confused and 'still loved me'. It went on for a while until he cut himself off from me, tbh I think the messages did effect him and I was so sure he was going to come back to me. But he didn't, he backed off when we had got so close again. So sometimes I think I shouldn't have bothered sending him all those messages, I think in a way it made him think 'oh she's always there waiting for me to come back' incase he ever changed his mind. 

I think expressing your feelings on paper is fine just I think it's too early to send him the letter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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