# Is there hope for us?



## KWhitehouse (Nov 8, 2015)

My name is Kate,I'm 42 and my husband,Stuart is 31 .We've been married for 8 years now but we've been a couple for 13. We don't have kids because he never wanted any.Our relationship has always been difficult due to our age gap as well as our different personalities. We've never been able to get along.As a matter of fact in the beginning of our marriage we argued non stop. 1 week towards our marriage he threatened to divorce me which is something he's always done-he's always threatened me whenever I don't share his opinion or oppose him about something. To say that I've always been his slave would be an overstatement because he's not and has never been an abusive man,however,he made me submissive,he made me follow his rules in this relationship.The same thing applies to our sex life-whatever he likes goes,my preferences and fantasies don't matter and despite that i enjoy making love with him.He's always told me that he has more rights than me as he's the dominant gender.
While we were still dating,about 10 years ago,I worked as a High School teacher and he was still a student in University. Unfortunately,for him,I had to quit my job because he saw me shaking another teacher's hand after a meeting who happened to be a male,when picking me up from school so he flew off the handle and started threatening to leave me if I didn't quit. I had to choose between him and my profession so obviously I chose the love of my life.He said he wanted to support both of us after he graduated from University because this way he'd be sure I wasn't cheating. I had to put up with that,even accept it so a couple of years later after he graduated he became a dentist and to this day I'm nothing but a housewife.
I've always wanted kids but as I mentioned in the first paragraph he didn't want any.Me and him discussed this many times and his answer was always: "I don't want kids,I was not cut out for that" and he's always been conflicted and the last time we talked about it(a couple of years ago) he threatened to leave me if ai didn't accept his final answer. Even though I was in tears and didn't feel complete I chose to be with him again because I just love him so much.At that moment,though,I was sure he didn't love me.This has always been an unreciprocated love and despite that I still love him and can't imagine my life without him.
Recently, he's made a habit of coming home late from work.He told me he had busy days.I believed him the first two weeks but then I started getting suspicious.Deep down inside of me,I knew he was cheating on me but I didn't want to believe it so I went to his work to see what was happening,he wasn't there which raised my suspicion even more.I looked for him for quite awhile,I asked his coworkers if they knew anything but unfortunately they didn't say a word.I met his best friend Tom later on,he told me to calm down,sat me down at this cafe and told me everything over a cup of coffee.He even showed me what his "mistress" looked like.She was younger and prettier than me.At that moment,I knew that Tom wanted something from me,otherwise why would he be so nice and honest I mean he's best friends with my husband.It's safe to say I was very distraught and vulnerable so he took advantage of me.We ended up going to his apartment and having sex that night.
The following day,I felt guilty and even though I only cheated once unlike my husband who cheated many times I still couldn't tell him because I knew he'd divorce me right on the spot.I made a mistake and shared this piece of information with Tom so he's been blackmailing me ever since.I'm still having an affair with him,moreover,he blackmails me into doing dirty things with him like giving him blowjobs in my kitchen, in his car,he's made me dress up as a dentist and pretend like I'm his sexy colleague and whatnot.I feel like a *****,so ashamed and guilty but at the same time,I enjoy having an affair.I'm getting back at my husband for everything he's done to me and everything he hasn't.
Yesterday,when he was obvioulsy gone,I spoke to him on the phone so he told me that Tom would be coming over that night with his wife for dinner but might come earlier than him as he was "busy",at that very moment I was on my knees blowing Tom(obviously not while talking on the phone)and my lips were coated with Tom's sperm.I was feeling so naughty at that moment so I was giggling and told my husband that Tom already came to which me and Tom started laughing which left my husband confused. When I hung up the phone I went back to giving him a blowjob.At dinner,I felt miserable and ended up crying in the bathroom.I never thought I'd ever end up being a ***** and with such an unhappy life.
Today,I feel like I have to divorce my husband once and for all and end this affair because I don't feel complete and happy.I regret nothing I've done because he cheated first and mistreated me for such a long time.At the same time I love my husband and just the thought of me being without him makes me distraught.I would gladly start over with him but if he finds out I had an affair like him he will never forgive me unlike me-I can forgive him. What should I do?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Find a good counselor. With their help decide the best way to tell your husband.

Cut all ties with Tom. 

Life is too short for all this


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## sydalg (Nov 8, 2015)

Divorce. Get some help not for marriage but for yourself. You need to love yourself. Work on that. Leaving what you love or we're passionate about for a man is not love. Yes we all do sacrifices but someone who really loves you doesn't put you on the spot of having to choose. Hope you get the strength you need to accomplish these things. Once you work on your auto esteem and realized what a wonderful woman you are despite past mistakes you may find the real thing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Nope. No hope. You do not love your husband and he does not love you.

The whole fvcking other people pretty much proves that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justanotherguy80 (Feb 12, 2014)

Wow what a story. It even kinda turned me on... it also seems a bit ficitonal (wouldnt be surprised if it was).

In anycase, but yeah. This marriage is doomed. Get out asap - before it gets messier.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Woman here and an educator. You are an educated woman. Your marriage and life are messed up. I agree with your statement that your age gap is wide, whether the man is older or the woman. Your marriage dynamics is not healthy.

Your husband is cheating and you are cheating. Your self-worth is deminished for carrying on sex acts that you do not want. End this misery.

See a psychologist to set your mind in the right way. You are only 42 years of age. I am 57 years old. There are still many years ahead of you. Update your educational courses and get a job. You may have to divorce. However, if you walk away from your marriage and start a new page in life, you will hold your head high. Reclaim your self-worth.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> Woman here and an educator. You are an educated woman. Your marriage and life are messed up. I agree with your statement that your age gap is wide, whether the man is older or the woman. Your marriage dynamics is not healthy.
> 
> Your husband is cheating and you are cheating. Your self-worth is deminished for carrying on sex acts that you do not want. End this misery.
> 
> See a psychologist to set your mind in the right way. You are only 42 years of age. I am 57 years old. There are still many years ahead of you. Update your educational courses and get a job. You may have to divorce. However, if you walk away from your marriage and start a new page in life, you will hold your head high. Reclaim your self-worth.


Dear Penthouse Letters.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Thound said:


> Dear Penthouse Letters.


What are Penthouse Letters?


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## easysolution (Mar 5, 2014)

Oh boy!


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

What a story my lady.

You are only 42 years old so you can have a baby with someone who will love you and you will love him.

Also your marriage is not a good marriage. There is no love in there.

You made a big mistake when you quit your job. I hope you can go back to teaching.

Run from your husband and Tom guy. Why would you trust him about affair? Do you have any proof or do you have only his word.

Tell the wife of this Tom guy. She deserves to know.

I think you are feeling naughty about this blackmail thing.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> What are Penthouse Letters?


Sorry I didn't mean to quote you, and my IPad died before I could correct it.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I always wonder why we need to know their names.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> What are Penthouse Letters?


Penthouse magazine used to have a section called letters where people would send in their sexual experiences. A lot of times they would open with "dear Penthouse letters"


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Thound said:


> Penthouse magazine used to have a section called letters where people would send in their sexual experiences. A lot of times they would open with "dear Penthouse letters"


The letters were designed to titillate and were frequently so outrageous that most readers are pretty sure the letters were more fiction than fact. But we'd all read those letters anyways because who doesn't like a good story?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Really? this all sounds like fiction to me.

If not, you know what to do. Dump him and move on


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dump him. Now. Very fast. 

There is hope for you. But no hope for your husband in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sungazer (Nov 3, 2015)

KWhitehouse said:


> I still love him
> ........
> I'm getting back at my husband for everything he's done to me and everything he hasn't.


These are two mutually exclusive statements. 

You don't love him. You blame him for everything that didn't happen in your life. Your love for him is a convenient explanation of your current situation, where you neither work, nor raise kids. Those were YOUR choices even if it was him asking you for certain things and actions. 

I am sorry, but I don't think you have any future with your H. Even if he never finds out about Tom, he is checking out and will be leaving you rather sooner than later. 

I am not trying to hurt you. I just think this is the case.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Such as this is why I'm against an older broad marrying a younger guy. ( of course its fine and even better if its the other way around) With eleven years difference, you can only imagine how its going to be when you're 65, and Tom is no longer interest, he'll be 54 and some hot 40 year old chick will be melting in his arms and willfully doing what you are forced to do to Tom.
You need to divorce him, get your teaching job back, and next time don't rob the cradle when picking a husband. Find one a few years older and both you and he will be better off and happier for it.
Remember men like and are happier with younger chicks. Therefore it follows that when it comes to woman wanting to be cougars with younger husbands/boyfriends, remember men like and will gravitate towards younger chicks.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

On the outside chance this story is true, did you ever stop to think Tom was lying to you to get in your pants? Did the picture show your husband banging this other chick?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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