# Help! My wife is obsessed with her friend



## Laura1992 (Mar 30, 2020)

Can everyone please give me there opinions on what they'd do with my marriage problem.

So the back story is we met in 2016, got married in 2018 because we wanted to start a family and as a lesbian couple we can only both go on the birth certificate if we are married if we were to use a private donor.

My wife is very into dancing so she spends 6 months of each year at dance competitions on weekends, I've never had a problem with this, it's her hobby shes done it all her life and that's her thing.

However less than 18 months into our marriage my wife came home and told me her and her friends had been discussing how good looking another girl was (fair enough she was honest about it) however it then became a problem because my wife started messaging this girl constantly, day and night even when we were lying in bed together at night she would be on her phone texting. When I picked her up on this behaviour she then started to become secretive about messaging her and accusing me of being controlling and jealous.
I asked my wife if she would back off from this "new friend" as it was causing problems in our relationship, I give her valid reasons why her behaviour was concerning me, but she told me they were just good friends and they had a very good connection and she couldnt and wouldnt pick between me her wife and this new friend.

Things escalated quickly with the screcy and we got into a fight and I basically told her I wanted her out as she wouldnt back off from this new friend to save our marriage. She seemed quite happy to up and leave and ive been left absolutely broken because I thought I'd married my soul mate.

4 weeks after she left shes been in touch asking if I think we'll ever move on because she's lonely and saying we probably made a too hasty decision of breaking up. Shes tried to apologise for her flirty nature and said she just has a flirty personality but she isn't like this with everyone...

I've told my wife I think she has an obsessive personality because I've noticed a pattern starting to occur, she obsessively text me when we first met now I feel shes turned that attention to her new friend, but she cant understand why I'm concerned about this.

shes still in constant contact with this other girl and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again because there has been too many lies and screcy and i won't be second best to her friend.

What would you all have done in my position? Any questions welcome xx


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

She told you that she wouldn't and couldn't choose you... give your heart time to accept what your mind already understands.

I think you have decided wisely.


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## Laura1992 (Mar 30, 2020)

Laura1992 said:


> Can everyone please give me there opinions on what they'd do with my marriage problem.
> 
> So the back story is we met in 2016, got married in 2018 because we wanted to start a family and as a lesbian couple we can only both go on the birth certificate if we are married if we were to use a private donor.
> 
> ...





Emerging Buddhist said:


> She told you that she wouldn't and couldn't choose you... give your heart time to accept what your mind already understands.
> 
> I think you have decided wisely.


I don't feel like ive made the right decision but I can't see a way forward


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Laura1992 said:


> I don't feel like ive made the right decision but I can't see a way forward


You have. She was and is having an affair. 

This is not a person that you can be monogmous with if that is what you want. 

You made the right decision...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

It is apparent this was an EA. After 4 weeks apart your W wants to come back. Welcome to "you are plan B". The fall back person. The safety net. Don't be anyone's plan B. You have made the correct decision.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If she won't cut off contact with this other woman, then there's your answer honey. Sorry xx


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You did the right thing. Block her from any contact and go 100% no contact.
Things may seem bleak now but time will heal that. If you let her back in your life you reset that clock and the time WILL start over when she cheats on you again, and she most assuredly will. She made the choice and she let you know where you stand. Respect yourself more than to settle for someone like that.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Laura1992 said:


> I don't feel like ive made the right decision but I can't see a way forward


Discomfort is a wise teacher... are you willing to forgive how happy she was to leave or is this a lesson worth paying attention to? Is she lonely for you or for the stability you provided?

We struggle to see clearly when we are hurting and the waters are muddy... give yourself more time to see the truth of what is happening.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Laura1992 said:


> Can everyone please give me there opinions on what they'd do with my marriage problem.
> 
> So the back story is we met in 2016, got married in 2018 because we wanted to start a family and as a lesbian couple we can only both go on the birth certificate if we are married if we were to use a private donor.
> 
> ...


Here's what happened.
Your wife had an affair. She wanted to promote her affair partner into a full-time role, and was happy to have you leave so she could go do that.
They tried it for 4 weeks and the affair partner didn't want the job. So she said "no thanks" to an actual relationship and just wanted to be the side piece for sexy fun.
So now your wife wants you back so you can be the wife, but she still wants her playmate.

This happens over and over. Unless you want an open marriage, just say no.


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