# I'm not thinking straight need some advice



## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

So my ex stole my medical records and turned them into court and used them against me in our custody battle.

Backstory; She worked for Coventry and my insurance was through Coventry so my records were highly confidential and only accessible by a tier 2 supervisor or above. She used to tell me about it because she wanted to see what my co-pays and stuff would be before we got them in the mail but she couldn't.

About six weeks ago she turns my medical records over to her lawyer and he writes up the following, summarized:

I'm bi-polar. It's not a secret to anyone in my life or even random people who I mention it too. But there was no paperwork for her to prove it. So she printed up some insurance forms (or had her supervisor, probably Mike since they were f****** but I have no proof that he accessed them yet, do it). I mean she couldn't do it and there are only three people in the huge building who could have. Her direct supervisor was one of them.

She also printed up my STD test form. I saw a brand new doctor for these tests and did it after I left her. For some reason that doctor marked on her chart that I had "organic delusional syndrome." I had never heard of this but I've since looked it up. I'm not sure why that's on my chart and bi-polar is blank. I told her I was bi-polar. The doctor visit was short. Pee in a cup and give them some blood samples. There was nothing even remotely like a psych evaluation and she isn't a mental health professional either...

Anyway my lawyer, in our response, put in there that neither of us should violate HIPPA laws to gather evidence for the court.

The HIPPA violations are a big deal. I've already spoken with and hired a second attorney to pursue this issue for me but I have not given her permission to act. She keeps pressuring me to do it.

She will file the forms with HHS and file a complaint with the state attorney general. That is two felonies that each carry a mandatory minimum sentence of six months in federal prison up to ten years. And fines between $10,000 and $250,000. Per offense. 

And then we will sue my ex and Coventry and we will sue her supervisor that helped her.

I've been assured that this is an open and shut case and that Coventry will settle with me for a rather significant sum of money.

About half of my friends are incredulous that I haven't done this yet. And the other half tell me it's a horrible idea and that if I do this and destroy my ex's job, her ability to get a job in the future, and possible put her in prison that my son will hate me for it in the future.

My son is two years old. He knows like twenty words. His favorites are candy and no. And it's not like if she goes to prison he's going to the orphanage or something.

She knows that I can do these things but at the same time she is sooooo deep in denial about EVERYTHING that she doesn't get it. When I try to tell her about it she mentally shuts down with anger. Everything still is and always will be my fault entirely and she is completely incapable of taking any responsibility for her many infidelities, our marriage failing, her stealing my identity countless times, or anything at all.

Honestly I just want her to give me joint physical custody. I have everything else I wanted and more because I'm lucky and court went super insanely well for me. But I don't have that and I want my son. I don't care about money.

I guess I know what I should do. I just hate it. Does anyone think I shouldn't move forward like tomorrow?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> And then we will sue my ex and Coventry and we will sue her supervisor that helped her.


Don't follow your attorney's advice at your own peril my man. You'll only be sorry once and that will be for the rest of your life. I'm surprised your attorney hasn't filed to exclude the records.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

If she goes to prison who gets custody. Burn the b1tch


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do what your lawyer says. He/she is not partial and will do what's best to protect you.

Have you actually said to her: "My lawyer will be filing ABC tomorrow to get you and your supervisor put in jail. You have one chance to stop this: agree to joint custody and sign our papers stating you can never speak of these issues again or you'll be in jail. What will it be?"


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Never shield the WSs from the consequences of their actions. This is tough, I know, but it's a no-brainer at the same time.


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

So, basically, she hasn't hesitated to break the law to screw you as much as she can and you still don't know what to do about it?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

My EX violated my civil rights a few times. I went to the police and DA for trespassing and breaking into my phone. Your EX is breaking the law.

I think you should stop making excuses and let your lawyer do his/her job! Your EX will paint you out to be the worst possible parent and she will stoop to any means to do it. You can fight back. Let your lawyer do it.

If you don't let your lawyer tackle this then you are committing one of the stupidest missteps that I have seen on TAM. This is a no brainer. She is NOT your wife. She is another person now and she is looking at screwing you over and taking you child away from you while you pay her to do it. Stand up and be accounted for man. Don't threaten her with empty threats. Let your lawyer do the job they are trained to do and just step back. It is why you pay them.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Follow your attorney's advice this is not debatable your ex committed a crime for the purpose to harm you now is not the time to be the nice guy TAKE LEGAL ACTION!!!!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> So my ex stole my medical records and turned them into court and used them against me in our custody battle.
> 
> Backstory; She worked for Coventry and my insurance was through Coventry so my records were highly confidential and only accessible by a tier 2 supervisor or above. She used to tell me about it because she wanted to see what my co-pays and stuff would be before we got them in the mail but she couldn't.
> 
> ...


Dude just do it.
Or she will put you in jail.


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## samasche (Mar 28, 2014)

This is tough, I know, but it's a no-brainer at the same time.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Yes it is. I guess when we met today I had another naive idea that I would talk to her and see if she would actually be honest with me or be rationale in any way....

Of course not.

Just sent the other lawyer an e-mail. Will call her tomorrow.

Not sure if anybody else on here will go through this but I'll store that knowledge and when something new happens I'll typity it up.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

i think that if you dont do what your lawyer suggested, it's going to be you the person fuxxed! and badly-----
then what will you do? bit your hand for not defending yourself!

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS AND FIGHT BACK, ITS NOT YOU THAT WANTS THIS!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I am an auditor, with an IT systems focus. A bunch of people are about to get fired. 
HIPAA violations are a very big deal, especially if you reside in a state with other stringent privacy laws (like MA). Based on what you wrote, there are multiple breaches involved (gaining access rights in the first place, copying/distributing, violation of GINA if perhaps your family medical and genetic history became public knowledge, if this ordeal has caused you ANY hardship in terms of employment, the list goes on). This is like Christmas for your lawyer. My advice, let her do her job.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

When someone does something grossly unethical and illegal to further immoral aim (limiting your son's access to you) you must respond 100% if the opportunity is there.

When your position is strong, i.e., your wife and her supervisor are begging you to retract your accusations, then you can negotiate.

1) Joint custody
2) Legal costs

If your wife loses her job, that's too bad. She'll find another, probably doing the same with a similar company for lower pay.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, HIPAA rules are about the strongest things you can get punished for - it's huge!

If you don't follow through, you are going to find yourself in jail.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

jack.c said:


> i think that if you dont do what your lawyer suggested, it's going to be you the person fuxxed! and badly-----
> then what will you do? bit your hand for not defending yourself!
> 
> STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS AND FIGHT BACK, ITS NOT YOU THAT WANTS THIS!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> I guess I know what I should do. I just hate it. Does anyone think I shouldn't move forward like tomorrow?


As a citizen of USA , you are setting a bad precedent if you don't fight against the violation of your rights. It's not whether you love it or you hate it. It's a necessity. 20 years down the line, if history repeats with your son would you advice him to take it lying down or stand straight and fight? Why do you want joint custody? Is taking care of your son too much for you?

Whenever I read your posts, I get the feeling you feel you are doing the world a favor by your compassion and non-confrontation. Well, I hate to break it to you buddy, but the world sees it as your weakness. If you can't stand up for yourself, you can't stand up for your boy. Think about it.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Rusty, imagine for a moment that this isn't your situation, but your son's 25 years from now. What would you advise him to do?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

You need to pursue this if for nothing else the legal violations that took place and think not about whom is involved. If she and whomever else were able to do this and get away with it, how many other times will they do this in the future or have they done this in the past possibly? The employer need to be aware of the violations and held accountable for them as this is the only way that they will put in the correct procedures to insure it doesn't happen again. What kind of morals and values do the people that are trusted with the power over these confidential records exhibit if they are willing to go to such extremes, and where does it stop for them?

Think of it as if you were applying for a job, school, or something very important to you and your future, and your medical records were just freely released. You would feel violated and want your rights protected to the extent of the law for that sole reason and not vengeance on someone necessarily for having procured or provided them but more the fact that you were violated?

Would you want this happening to your friends or other members of your family. Ask yourself, if you don't stop it now, where and when will it stop and at what cost. Who's to say that they haven't done this many times over and are saving and storing those records somewhere?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

So my ex stole my medical records and turned them into court and used them against me in our custody battle.

Backstory; *She worked for Coventry and my insurance was through Coventry so my records were highly confidential and only accessible by a tier 2 supervisor or above. She used to tell me about it because she wanted to see what my co-pays and stuff would be before we got them in the mail but she couldn't.*

About six weeks ago she turns my medical records over to her lawyer and he writes up the following, summarized:

I'm bi-polar. It's not a secret to anyone in my life or even random people who I mention it too. But there was no paperwork for her to prove it. So she printed up some insurance forms (or had her supervisor, probably Mike since they were f****** but I have no proof that he accessed them yet, do it).* I mean she couldn't do it and there are only three people in the huge building who could have. Her direct supervisor was one of them.*


If you have a sharp attorney, they should be able to supena Coventry to see who accessed your records. Where I work (Government) any client's medical record that I access is recorded. Even If I log in to look at a record it is forever logged. My Niece brought a case against me stating that I looked at her record. Instead of the privacy officer doing a quick 15 minute query, they did a five month investigation, threatened to fire me, etc. Only to find out as I stated in the beginning that I never access her record. It is a simple proceedure in most cases to do this. You can file a complaint under the office of civil rights (OCR), they are listed under HHS.gov. 


*She also printed up my STD test form. I saw a brand new doctor for these tests and did it after I left her. For some reason that doctor marked on her chart that I had "organic delusional syndrome." I had never heard of this but I've since looked it up. I'm not sure why that's on my chart and bi-polar is blank. I told her I was bi-polar. The doctor visit was short. Pee in a cup and give them some blood samples. There was nothing even remotely like a psych evaluation and she isn't a mental health professional either...*

THis is wierd. 


Your ex is not playing fair and using everything in her disposal. Get that record expunged from the court if you can. Depending on the judge a bi-polar diagnosis can hurt big time.

Also keep in mind that really only the facts matter. If you are telling the truth then the fact that someone got your medical records without your permission is a big mistake and hopefully it will bite your ex in the arse.


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## StayInIt (Jul 27, 2012)

When she is fired for this, know this was all her fault. She made a conscious free will choice to break the law and destroy her career. I would treat this like you would any other criminal who is trying to hurt you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Yepper, here in Ca., you pull that stunt, you go to prison or worse. HIPPA, is a huge deal. They do not cross that line ever. The way that these people went about doing this, just wow. If her lawyer had any brains at all, he should have said, I can't take part in this. IT IS ILLEGAL. Period. Doctor, patient thing. I will give you an example. I am dealing with workers comp. I have an adjuster who feels like he is a doctor. He decided that he would approve half of a prescribed med. My Dr. spoke with him, adjuster tried to ask for specifics, to my case. Adjuster is only privy to certain things. He tried ask questions that involved HIPPA, Dr. said to him you are crossing the line and you know better. My Dr. then dimed him out to his superiors, he got in hot water, not fired, but damn close. Anyway don't let them do that to you, strike first, strike hard, remain in the right. Good luck.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You hired a lawyer for one reason. To defend you in a court of law. That's why you pay them the big bucks. They tell you what you need to do. That's why you hired them. 

So it comes down to this. Listen to what they tell you to do. They know better than you and their not doing this with any emotion, it's their job.

Now, here's the facts. Your worried about going too hard on your wife and it's obvious that your wife doesn't feel the same way towards you.

What she did was underhanded, cold and calculating because she wants to run you down and will not bat an eyelash if you look like road kill when it's over. 

She will succeed in doing that if you try to play any more nice guy so if your lawyer gives you advice, take it or be prepared to suffer the consequences and brother you will suffer.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

3putt said:


> Never shield the WSs from the consequences of their actions. This is tough, I know, but it's a no-brainer at the same time.





adriana said:


> So, basically, she hasn't hesitated to break the law to screw you as much as she can and you still don't know what to do about it?


:iagree::iagree:


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Rusty,

What do you want to do? That is all that matters. Will any of this help you heal?


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## sfgjsdgjying (Mar 30, 2014)

The HIPPA violations are a big deal.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

LOL she called me just now! She's been suspended from work while they investigate 

She wants me to call it off and kept apologizing and asking me what I wanted her to do!

I can't call it off it's all done now, duh. You made your bed now sleep in it 

I didn't realize just how powerless I've felt as I had to watch as my entire life crumble around me until I realized how great I felt after that phone call 

Hey she just violated my civil restraining order. That phone call wasn't about my son or bills. I should file a complaint! Plus I recorded it.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> LOL she called me just now! She's been suspended from work while they investigate
> 
> She wants me to call it off and kept apologizing and asking me what I wanted her to do!
> 
> ...


Do it. It would serve as more evidence in the HIPPA violation too.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> LOL she called me just now! She's been suspended from work while they investigate
> 
> She wants me to call it off and kept apologizing and asking me what I wanted her to do!
> 
> ...


I would file it. What she did was done illegally, out of spite and to purposely inflict damage on you.

If you don't file the complaint, I have a feeling that you'll regret it down the line.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Go after 100% and sue Conventry. What does she want? Merely to adjust custody? Remarry? Invite you to Christmas+

Nail her. She played a dirty game and got burned.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, I think a lawsuit at Coventry is in order. They'll settle and you'll be set for life.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

turnera said:


> Yeah, I think a lawsuit at Coventry is in order. They'll settle and you'll be set for life.


Maybe, or if they have good legal staff they may contest on the basis that they are not responsible for their employees actions and other non-sense and have taken corrective actions and the staff disciplined in such actions, which may be just enough to get them cleared in a legal suit. I would hope that they wouldn't contest and just settle but one never knows.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DH worked for one of the largest electronic manufacturers and every time someone sued them - even though they could have won - they settled, as their practice was to not open up their books in court.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> So my ex stole my medical records and turned them into court and used them against me in our custody battle.
> 
> Backstory; She worked for Coventry and my insurance was through Coventry so my records were highly confidential and only accessible by a tier 2 supervisor or above. She used to tell me about it because she wanted to see what my co-pays and stuff would be before we got them in the mail but she couldn't.
> 
> ...


My wife and I are both in healthcare and HIPAA is a huge mf'ing deal. Huge. Burn her house down.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

turnera said:


> Do what your lawyer says. He/she is not partial and will do what's best to protect you.
> 
> Have you actually said to her: "My lawyer will be filing ABC tomorrow to get you and your supervisor put in jail. You have one chance to stop this: agree to joint custody and sign our papers stating you can never speak of these issues again or you'll be in jail. What will it be?"


this...thread over!

Use this the easy way, and if that dont work, use it the hard way...either way you get custody, SHE gets what she deserves


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> this...thread over!
> 
> Use this the easy way, and if that dont work, use it the hard way...either way you get custody, SHE gets what she deserves



No,,, she is capable if telling her lawyer that you are blacmailing her.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> Maybe, or if they have good legal staff they may contest on the basis that they are not responsible for their employees actions and other non-sense and have taken corrective actions and the staff disciplined in such actions, which may be just enough to get them cleared in a legal suit. I would hope that they wouldn't contest and just settle but one never knows.


or most likely they will settle to hush hush this shat and make it go away...cases like this dont go to court usually
I doubt he will be set for life, but he will have a nice chunk of benjamins to play with for a while


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Go after 100% and sue Conventry. What does she want? Merely to adjust custody? Remarry? Invite you to Christmas+
> 
> Nail her. She played a dirty game and got burned.


You may get a nice settlement.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

turnera said:


> Yeah, I think a lawsuit at Coventry is in order. They'll settle and you'll be set for life.


Who knows how much but this is such a blatant violation there is no way their lawyers are going to court it's just a matter of how much he gets.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

I've had the how to avoid extortion talk with a few lawyers and since I recording everything (it's what I do) I made extra sure I didn't commit a crime myself.

Seriously if you're reading this and going through the worst go buy yourself a digital recorder and start recording everything. It's amazing to be able to listen to what really happened.

At this point things are getting fun for me.  Weird how just one year ago to think where I am now... Just bizarre. Schadenfreude? Yeah that's where I'm at.

I have like a hundred people telling me how great what I'm doing is and one person telling me how awful it is. Why do I listen to that one person? Well she has a different opinion and I'm always listening to that other voice.

Yeah blackmail (extortion) is a real thing and I have not done it. Gone to great lengths to make that clear. Anyway the dead is done. I have no idea if she's getting paid or not while suspended from work. Not sure what happens next but my life is moving on.

Once something else happens I'll update here.

I mean it's great isn't it? You catch your wife (ex) cheating on you with tons of other guys, read such horrible (horrible horrible horrible horrible, going to vomit) things and some of you even know, and because you caught her at it and then had the audacity to leave her and your own (mine? well in some ways he's mine. He calls me dad. time to go cry) child, well it's time for her to destroy my life in every way possible because I had the balls to man up and leave my wife because it's not ok with me that she locks my son in his bedroom while he cries so she can f*** some guy that gave her compliments and _made her feel good._

In IC my guy tells me that there are few people like her in the world. Very few. They are, apparently, even amongst us, rare. He's trying to help my crazy trust issues I'm sure. Today I find myself someone I don't know and don't like anymore and I don't want to be who I am but I have no idea how to change.

But tomorrow I'll go eat some Cafe Rio and go on another date and probably think about the pod-person I loved (who is gone and dead) but that pod-person is there and _she has my son._ Wonder if my son is safe or if I have to call DCFS again and talk to Sophie.

One day I'll just write one huge comprehensive thread and try to piece it all together.

You guys have always been so much help to me. So thank you everyone.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Getting 50/50 custody is very important. Your son will come out better if you do.

Great that you pulled the trigger with the medical records privacy violation.

Do negotiate with her. The criminality and child custody are two separate issues.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Getting 50/50 custody is very important. Your son will come out better if you do.
> 
> Great that you pulled the trigger with the medical records privacy violation.
> 
> Do negotiate with her. The criminality and child custody are two separate issues.


50/50? I say full custody.


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