# I don't think there's anything left



## Danaerys (Aug 20, 2012)

We got married when I was very immature and young. I made mistakes in the first few years, he has anger issues and has punched through multiple doors in our home and had to replace them. He's physically stood behind my car so that I couldn't leave. He has pushed me. I have cheated on him. One time when I was inebriated and passed out he took photos of my vagina after I had said not to. (I found them and deleted them). 

We have been to marital counseling. We have been to marriage boot camp. And still, we just don't get along. We have different morals and values, and just don't mesh. This of course affects our sex life, which is totally unfulfilling for me. I can't remember the last time we had a real kiss. We've had sex, but not with kissing probably in years. We've been married for 9 years and have 3 children. On the outside everything looks perfect - he has a good job, I have a good job, we work hard, we have a nice house, we are both home every night. Neither of us is a drunk or an addict. 

I feel like he is very controlling and I have recently had an epiphany about this. I have been going through a depression lately and he lied about talking to my mom about it behind my back. It made me realize that for years he has controlled me by making me think that I would have no support if I was to leave him, that my parents would support him because he is such a good guy.

On the flip side, he is a good provider and an excellent father. He's overall a good guy. But sometimes he is verbally abusive to me, like calling me stupid in front of our children so they repeat it.

So I've recently told my mom the truth and proved I was telling the truth by showing her some text messages that confirmed he lied. She is supporting me and will accompany me Tuesday to speak to an attorney to find out what my options are.

I am so scared but since I've made the appointment I feel oddly at peace. He is going to fight me tooth and nail. He wants us to stay together at all costs, even if we make each other miserable and set poor examples for our children of what a marriage should be like. 

Who else has been through this? I went back to work a few years ago because I predicted it would end one day so I am in a place financially to afford my own place. 

Sorry I know this is all over the place. I hope others can relate. It sounds like I'm going about this the right way, right? I know he is miserable but just doesn't care. Just last week when I asked him what was wrong he said "I guess I'm just unhappy because I'm still married to you".

Oh and one time he pulled a gun on our dog to scare me and I had to call 911.

It sounds like a relationship I should end for multiple reasons, right? The only reasons to stay together are to have an intact family, for the kids, and for finances. 

Looking for support.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

How are your morals different? He doesn't believe in cheating in marriage?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

PS, do leave him though. He is scary.


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## Danaerys (Aug 20, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> How are your morals different? He doesn't believe in cheating in marriage?


No, we worked that out years ago, it was wrong. I was young and dumb.

Stuff like he spanks the kids, I don't like spanking. He's religious, I'm not. He's conservative, I'm liberal. So forth and so on.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

He likes punching things and guns...

I take it you are against those things too? 

You know the answer to what you must do.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Based on what you've wrote here, that'll your best option


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to get out.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Violence, short temper, apparent issues with alcohol, disagreements on parenting and moral issues, rocky past with little hope of a positive future. 

yep sounds like divorce is your best option.


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## Danaerys (Aug 20, 2012)

I am leaving soon. I'm so scared, but at peace with my decision. I think this will be the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

good luck. If you want to talk over your plans and get any feedback let us know.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

I don't condone his actions, however, I would be interested to hear his side of it. Sounds like a nasty cycle between the both of you. You could always leave and start a new , different cycle with someone else down the road. Seems to be the consensus.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Whenever you feel as if you made a mistake with your decision to leave him, come here.
You made the right choice.


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