# Should I be concerned?



## yiiikes (Jan 23, 2012)

Two months before our wedding, my wife emailed a man that she was dating just prior to our engagement the following: " I don't know if you want an audience watching this awkward moment. We could have a private meeting...wink wink...you know what I mean". I feel it is completely inappropriate language between them, she insists it is sarcasm and the "wink wink" means "just joking". Who is correct? Should I be concerned?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Be concerned.

Are you already married? If not, call it off until you get answers or figure things out.

If yes, well....I dunno. It could be messy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If it was a one time thing, no. 

How long have you been married? 

What other evidence of possible bad behavior or infidelity do you have?


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## yiiikes (Jan 23, 2012)

Yes we are married. This excerpt is from a long thread of communication between them spanning 6 weeks. Ultimately they switched to IM and the thread ended.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. When did you find this? How long have you been married?


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## yiiikes (Jan 23, 2012)

We have been married for 6 years, I just ran across the thread recently. What does the expression "wink wink" mean? SHe tells me it means just joking, proving the communication is harmless.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> If it was a one time thing, no.
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> What other evidence of possible bad behavior or infidelity do you have?


bs.

wouldnt matter.
any amount of times from a woman just about to get married?
this is a bad situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> bs.
> 
> wouldnt matter.
> any amount of times from a woman just about to get married?
> this is a bad situation.



" I don't know if you want an audience watching this awkward moment. We could have a private meeting...wink wink...you know what I mean". 

It is not clear what the "awkward moment" is. And wink wink is often meant to mean it's a joke.

But now the OP says this was not just one text... it was one of many over several weeks. That's a totally different situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

yiiikes said:


> We have been married for 6 years, I just ran across the thread recently. What does the expression "wink wink" mean? SHe tells me it means just joking, proving the communication is harmless.


I use "wink wink" all the time to mean I'm joking. We use chat at work... when I joke at work I often use one or two wink icons to go with it.

If it was only one message, it proves not really. There's no clue to what they were walking about. 

But you said that there were many over a few weeks.

How did you find these chats 6 years after the face?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> And wink wink is often meant to mean it's a joke.


or a flirt like 'you know what i mean'

and to an exbf? 
come on.

completely inappropriate on its own.
and then the continued texts then im's, i think confirms it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> or a flirt like 'you know what i mean'
> 
> and to an exbf?
> come on.
> ...


Like I said, the continued texts are what makes it very concerning.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Like I said, the continued texts are what makes it very concerning.


the first one would be a major concern for me.

had i found something like that before i got or get married, there would be no marriage, or anything with that person again.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I would be concerned. For me a wink is a flirt??? but what else was there I think more context would help??


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## yiiikes (Jan 23, 2012)

Some other lines from the thread:
"Ouch, can't a girl get a break in this town?? Just wait till I see you"

"Well I know you have a really busy social life, so whenever you could fit me in =-)."

"Actually, I would like to meet soon....like asap, let me know when you don't have plans, I really need to talk to you."

"Yikes! I was very hurt when you blew me off, don't think that went unnoticed."


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Polygraph! Kids?


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## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

Unless you can dig up something else, you're going to have to decide whether you're just being paranoid or if she is lying.

If you feel like you can get over it, then work on it and move on. The seeds of distrust are there now. If things seem good now, then I wouldn't worry about it. Its been a long enough time where even if something happened, you're probably better off not knowing.

With that said, I could never get past infidelity. I believe it is the worst way to disrespect your spouse.

As someone else asked, do you have kids?


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## yiiikes (Jan 23, 2012)

3 kids under 5 years


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## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

Here's my advice, and its only what I would do. You take from it what you want. Everyone's situation is different and you need to be comfortable with whatever direction you go with.

She said it was nothing. If this is all you've got and there weren't issues leading up to you finding this, then it probably was. You have 3 children together. Find a way to get past your suspicion. Go to counseling. See if it helps. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work.

Be honest with her about your feelings and see if you can get back to where you were.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

yiiikes said:


> Some other lines from the thread:
> "Ouch, can't a girl get a break in this town?? Just wait till I see you"
> 
> "Well I know you have a really busy social life, so whenever you could fit me in =-)."
> ...


 These texts prove that she was secretly meeting up with an ex while engaged to you just before you were married. The fact that she was secretly mailing and texting him is bad enough, but the meetings in person are even worse. You have a right to be concerned and upset by this. Very concerned and upset in fact.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'd be more concerned that my W didn't clean out her email for 6 years. :-o And why she might have saved this, if she saved other junk mail too or carefully weeded around this one like a treasured heirloom planting...


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