# Wife masturbated when I sleep



## sensitiveguy (Mar 25, 2017)

Lately my wife has increased her masturbation frequency. She thinks I am asleep but it wakes me. She masturbates after we have sex after I fall asleep. The other night I saw she was not interested in sex buy the. I woke up to her masturbaing at one am. We have two kids, 3 and 5. I am not sure if this is her way of decompressing from kids and work. Not sure if sexy stimulates her so she need another orgasim. But waking me up 3 nights one one week seems like a lot. Any help is great. Not sure to be worried. I can't bring this up to her.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You need to discuss this with her in an accepting and supportive way.

She needs to feel safe and secure with talking to you about it.

Not enough information to really help you so far.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Todd Feldman said:


> I can't bring this up to her.


Seems like that's your problem, not your masturbating wife. If YOU can't talk about your sex life with your partner, how should we know why she masturbates and how she feels about your sex life.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

rzmpf said:


> Seems like that's your problem, not your masturbating wife. If YOU can't talk about your sex life with your partner, how should we know why she masturbates and how she feels about your sex life.


Bulls eye


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

If it were me, it would be because I wasn't satisfied by the sex, and so was just looking after myself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

wild jade said:


> If it were me, it would be because I wasn't satisfied by the sex, and so was just looking after myself.


If it were you, wouldn't you discuss it with your husband to improve your situation?

I think the lack of communication here is a larger factor than the masturbation.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

wild jade said:


> If it were me, it would be because I wasn't satisfied by the sex, and so was just looking after myself.




Isn't that what masturbation is? Looking after one's self?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Todd Feldman said:


> Lately my wife has increased her masturbation frequency. She thinks I am asleep but it wakes me. She masturbates after we have sex after I fall asleep. The other night I saw she was not interested in sex buy the. I woke up to her masturbaing at one am. We have two kids, 3 and 5. I am not sure if this is her way of decompressing from kids and work. Not sure if sexy stimulates her so she need another orgasim. But waking me up 3 nights one one week seems like a lot. Any help is great. Not sure to be worried. I can't bring this up to her.




Just tell her that her masturbation is waking you up and you need your sleep.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

My first thought was she was faking her orgasams with you?

My second was I knew a girl that always made her partner make love to her twice. I know she lost one boyfriend over that, lol.

Some women don't want to be touched immediately after a climax.

Some people maturbate because it helps them get to sleep when something is keeping them awake........like worrying.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Maybe telling her it turns you on and you want to watch, you'll be part of the action. I also advise that maybe you need to work on your stamina. If you're cumming to fast, falling asleep, and then leaving her frustrated, you'll get a wife who will eventually cut you off and just prefer to go DIY. 

Are you in shape? If not get into shape. A vigorous banging from an in shape Todd, who also ups his game, will have a more satisfied wife. I'm sure some of the female TAMers can attest to this.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

Is she climaxing during intercourse? If not, this is her solution. FTR- I'm not capable of reaching orgasm through intercourse alone. My partner has finally accepted this. It doesn't mean I do not enjoy sex because I do. A lot. But I need foreplay beforehand or constant clitoral stim via a vibrator during intercourse.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If she orgasms during sex, maybe she just wants more? if she doesn't have an orgasm during sex, then that would be room to grow together, so you can be a part of her experience. But, she might like it alone sometimes. Three times per week would indicate to me anyway, that she's not satisfied with the sex you're both having, and that's not your fault OP if she doesn't communicate that to you.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would roll over the next time she is doing that and say, "niiiiiiiccccceeee baby! You wanted a little more huh? That's so hot, can I help?"


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Could be she's doing it to help fall asleep or just relax.

Could also be she wants the quick release of an orgasm without the 'work'.

Could be she just feels the need to masturbate and doesn't want you to get offended. 

I've experienced the need to masturbate in a three of these situations. The last one, I was a bit concerned about and even brought it up here on a TAM thread.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sometimes you just want ONE more, and its way faster do just do it yourself.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*She's your wife! She probably won't "bite your head off" if you bring it up to her!

Now she might try, but you've got to admit that doing that might be a whole lot of fun!*


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

If my wife did that, I would grab her hand and start sucking her fingers, but I'm a perv. That's just me.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

This is why my wife and I have separate bedrooms. Sometimes people feel like just having an orgasm without reciprocating or going through all the other stuff that sex entails. Sometimes they do it because their spouse is not sexually satisfying them. Sometimes they do it because they have a fetish that they are embarrassed to tell their spouse about but can fantasize about doing it when they masturbate. My wife goes through 2-3 vibrators a year and keeps lots of batteries in her night table. I do not care that she masturbates. I like to masturbate too. 

I lived most of my marriage in a house with my wife and our girlfriend. We would have a threesome and then I would get together with each of my ladies one on one. That is three orgasms in an evening. Sometimes I had sex with another girlfriend to make it four times in a day. Despite all of this, I always masturbated before going to sleep. So masturbation does not have to mean anything to do with you or it could. Ask and find out. My wife and I openly talk about masturbation and sex in general.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

What's the big deal. Talk to her about it. Everybody does it. Doesn't mean sex isn't good or not good. Doesn't mean it's personal. There could be any number of reasons. This is exactly what they mean when they talk about communicating about your sex life. Talk about it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Todd Feldman said:


> Lately my wife has increased her masturbation frequency. She thinks I am asleep but it wakes me. She masturbates after we have sex after I fall asleep. The other night I saw she was not interested in sex buy the. I woke up to her masturbaing at one am. We have two kids, 3 and 5. I am not sure if this is her way of decompressing from kids and work. Not sure if sexy stimulates her so she need another orgasim. But waking me up 3 nights one one week seems like a lot. Any help is great. Not sure to be worried. I can't bring this up to her.


LOL...'another' orgasm?

Sounds as though someone's faking it for your benefit then taking care of business once you're asleep.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My wife does occasionally. Often it's after we've already had an intense round or two earlier, and she's still turned on. But, she'll usually wake me up once she gets off, for even more action.

But if she thinks I need the sleep, she won't disturb me. That's okay - I do the same sometimes. It might bother us if we didn't have lots of sex to begin with, but as things are, it's really not a concern.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did she masturbate last night?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I was writing about the difference and in the speed of drop-off of sexual horniness. I notice that after orgasm, I return from horniness much quicker than my wife (I think I already stop being horny by the time I ejaculate, and definitely by the end of it). My wife however is still horny for quite some time and it is more of a gradual drop off (same for build up btw; it's like a big iceberg with her). I wonder if that's got something to do with women still masturbating after they had orgasms.
The other possibility is that some women may think that they climax, or multi-climax (especially during PIV, where the intensity is fairly regular and sometimes difficult to distinguish between a consistent pleasure with an actual orgasm) but actually don't. Or at least don't climax in the same way as they climax from clitoral stimulation. Since they are used to orgasming from the latter (when they masturbate), they might feel that something is missing after PIV.
Is there a way to measure an orgasm somewhere in the brain to be sure it's an actual orgasm? Going by what it feels like, seems too unreliable.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

*Most* women don't orgasm from PIV. Like 75%. And yet you'd think it the most normal thing on earth from reading TAM.

:scratchhead:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

wild jade said:


> *Most* women don't orgasm from PIV. Like 75%. And yet you'd think it the most normal thing on earth from reading TAM.
> 
> :scratchhead:


My wife didn't, for the first 15 years in our relationship. Used to be mainly form oral. It changed after we got kids. Now it's the other way around (she finds it harder to 'let go' from oral, though that still works...as long as I focus and do it properly...). It seems woman's sexuality is continuously evolving.
(Mine seems to be the same and hasn't changed. i still like the same stuff I always used to like.)


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Todd Feldman said:


> I can't bring this up to her.


Why not?

That's a bigger issue then her one arm 1 am heroics.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Just tell her that her masturbation is waking you up and you need your sleep.


:laugh:

OR you can get hard, and turn over and start poking her with something real....


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

I masturbate because sometimes only I can scratch the itch. Afterall its my body and I'll do as I please.
Why does it bother you? You're happy sexually and she is too . Or do you have doubts about that. Whatever you do dont make her feel like its wrong.


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## Chumpomatic (Mar 8, 2017)

Man, give her a hand. Let me catch my wife playing with herself and see what happens. I see that as game time and its time to work. maybe she isn't getting enough during sex. Im not going to lie. There's been times that I've been a two pump chump when really excited. But after I got mine I always made sure that she is taken care of too. Drink Gatorade and fight through hand and tongue cramps. Whatever it takes to rock her world, do it. Getting your wife to have multiple orgasms is one of the best parts of sex. Talk to her as well. At the same time destroy her and do her to the point that you both pass out.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

It could be that having sex stimulates her to masturbate, yes. I could also be a way to de-stress. Are you sure that she orgasms when you guys have sex? I wonder this because you mentioned that she wasn't interested in sex. It could just be that she doesn't reach orgasm during sex, and feels the need to reach it through masturbation.

As a woman who has never climaxed with a man, I need to masturbate to get myself off. It's never really been a problem, but it's also not an activity that I've never shared with anyone before either. My current sex life is a little sad, and like your wife, I masturbate a couple times a week so that I don't become sexually frustrated.

I think it's something that you will have to eventually bring up with her though.



Todd Feldman said:


> Lately my wife has increased her masturbation frequency. She thinks I am asleep but it wakes me. She masturbates after we have sex after I fall asleep. The other night I saw she was not interested in sex buy the. I woke up to her masturbaing at one am. We have two kids, 3 and 5. I am not sure if this is her way of decompressing from kids and work. Not sure if sexy stimulates her so she need another orgasim. But waking me up 3 nights one one week seems like a lot. Any help is great. Not sure to be worried. I can't bring this up to her.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Some women are just embarrassed by it. During the course of my investigation of if my wife was having an affair, which I've found that she's not, I had looked at her phone one night and saw a link to a porn video. The phone was locked but it let me play the audio. I asked her about it the next morning and she told me she knew nothing about it and that maybe she accidently hit something on a webpage she was on, lol. I knew that was BS because when I clicked the link that night and googled the video on my computer I knew that it was about halfway through the video. I had said to her that it was no big deal, we really haven't been having sex lately, so you play with yourself while watching porn, I told her that I did too. She still said that she had no idea where it came from. Then I went to listen to the VAR that I had hidden in the room, and no she doesn't know this part. I listened to the recording from that night and sure enough I heard her start to moan. About 5 minutes later I heard the audio from the porn start and go right up to when she came. Why would she deny doing it, I don't know. She's done it in front of me during sex, she knows I get off on it and have no problem with it. I guess she's just embarrassed about doing it when it not "in the moment"


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

It would seem the problem is that she's not satisfied during times she has sex with you. Three times in one week is lot. This is something that you definitely want to talk to her about. Maybe you can help her achieve the satisfaction level she's looking for.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Talk with her about it already....

My wife never turns me down but if she did and then woke me up masturbating, I would let my unit do the talking as I pounded her into the bed.

That would reoccur every time she pulled something like that. If she never wanted to talk about it, who am I to argue?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Todd Feldman said:


> Lately my wife has increased her masturbation frequency. She thinks I am asleep but it wakes me. She masturbates after we have sex after I fall asleep. The other night I saw she was not interested in sex buy the. I woke up to her masturbaing at one am. We have two kids, 3 and 5. I am not sure if this is her way of decompressing from kids and work. Not sure if sexy stimulates her so she need another orgasim. But waking me up 3 nights one one week seems like a lot. Any help is great. Not sure to be worried. I can't bring this up to her.


As everyone is telling you talk to her about it, but in a loving and supportive way. There is nothing she should feel ashamed about and you should make that clear to her. If a person can't tell their spouse their deepest sexual thought who can they tell? (a stranger?)

If this were my wife I would tell her at dinner (not in the bedroom) that I find it arousing when she does it and would like her permission to hold her and verbally encourage her the next time. Her reasons could be anything from being stressed and wanting to get back to sleep. For my wife, sometimes when we have sex at night, she has a hard time getting to sleep afterwards. Other times, she is out like a light. The point is don't assume anything negative about her, about you or about your relationship.

Good luck and break down the communication barriers. In fact I would wager that she suspects that you already know and it is killing her not to talk about it.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I don't think she has a problem. It seems like you do and don't realize that her needs aren't being met. Personally, I'd be relieved that she's seeking a release in your bed with you nearby. The alternative would be that she's off someplace else getting off while you sleep alone in bed.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> If it were you, wouldn't you discuss it with your husband to improve your situation?
> 
> I think the lack of communication here is a larger factor than the masturbation.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Did Todd loose his way to his own thread?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> Just tell her that her masturbation is waking you up and you need your sleep.


Yawn, stretch and say "can I help you with that?"


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bibi1031 said:


> Did Todd loose his way to his own thread?




He probably went to class.


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