# Soul searching



## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

I have a wife named jesibelle who has a serious drinking problem. While I was off shore working in the oil fields of LA, jesibelle stays home partying and having a grand ole time. She doesn't work or have any children. This time being off shore, about 2 months is average, she cheated on me. She said it was because she was lonely and drunk. She also said it was because of me being gone all the time and how she was tired of being alone. She found someone else who cares and loves her. Even though he cannot provide for her or even hold a job. She may be pregnant with his child. She said she was not sorry and expects me to care for the baby with her if she is in fact pregnant. I want to leave her but I also want to forgive her and work through this. Please help me. Thank you. New Iberia


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She said she cheated because you are gone all the time. Will this change?

Is she still in contact with the OM (other man)?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

New iberia said:


> She found someone else who cares and loves her. Even though he cannot provide for her or even hold a job. She may be pregnant with his child. She said she was not sorry and expects me to care for the baby with her if she is in fact pregnant. I want to leave her but I also want to forgive her and work through this.


 You cannot forgive a cheating spouse that is not sorry and is thus not asking for forgiveness. The minute that she She said she was not sorry and expects me to care for the baby with her if she is in fact pregnant" is when you should have filed for divorce and not looked back. Sorry but there is nothing to work with here. Your must act quickly to avoid 18 years of child support for the other man's child.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's an unfaithful, unemployed, alcoholic, incapable of accepting responsibility for her own actions and you want to keep her? Why?

You want to leave her and you want to forgive her. No reason you can't do both and I see no reason why you shouldn't. Throw her crap to the curb, take her key, divorce her, and forgive her when the proceedings are finalized.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

Look ask yourself this. If knew somebody with your same story, he told the story..you after listening to it all. What advise would you give to him..!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

She said she cheated because you are gone all the time. Will this change? Is she still in contact with the OM (other man)?

Dear elegirl..

I have taken a local job with another company working Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. Making less money but I'd be home a lot more. I use to work 2 months out and 1 month in. Yes, she is currently still texting the other man. I have pushed that issue and I monitor her phone and I have contacted him and made it very clear I want the communication to cease. It has not thus far. Not sure how to make her stop short of leaving.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

TRy said:


> New iberia said:
> 
> 
> > She found someone else who cares and loves her. Even though he cannot provide for her or even hold a job. She may be pregnant with his child. She said she was not sorry and expects me to care for the baby with her if she is in fact pregnant. I want to leave her but I also want to forgive her and work through this.
> ...


Thank you for honesty... dear TRy, I have tried to forgive the cheating spouse. She is a complete drunk and I have tried to forgive her. But all I think about is her being with another man. She said she wasn't going to apologize because I was always gone. I will not care for another man's child especially if it was a product of her cheating on me. From a man who cannot provide for her. Sounds to me that they deserve each other. Can I really be responsible for paying child support for a kid that isn't mine?


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

Sparta said:


> Look ask yourself this. If knew somebody with your same story, he told the story..you after listening to it all. What advise would you give to him..!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to agree with what you said.... I would have suggested to my buddy to kick rocks, bug out, leave.... whatever would be the fastest way out the door.... I get it. It's really an easy clear choice.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Paternity of the unborn child must be determined! If the child is not yours, then you must engage a family attorney to represent you, bringing due attention of the court to the sad fact! It will also let you file for divorce citing adultery against her and will relieve you from having to pay for any child support whatsoever under Louisiana law!

If your W refuses to admit paternity, she can be forced by the court to take tests that can be introduced into evidence. It's all so very easy. Talk to your lawyer!

Rid yourself of this unfaithful scourge as you deserve so much more out of a loving and faithful spouse!

Welcome to TAM! Hate to see you here but you have come to the best place for solid marital advice!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> She's an unfaithful, unemployed, alcoholic, incapable of accepting responsibility for her own actions and you want to keep her? Why?
> 
> You want to leave her and you want to forgive her. No reason you can't do both and I see no reason why you shouldn't. Throw her crap to the curb, take her key, divorce her, and forgive her when the proceedings are finalized.


Wow, you hit the head on the nail. She is a pure drunk, very unable to accept responsibility for her own actions. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Stupid me. I wanted to try to make it work. I took a vow. I have to try one last time. I want to try to work it out and I want to leave her. I can't do both, you're right. But I have to try one last time. 12 years. I have to try one more time. I'm thinking that your suggestions are going to be the answer. If it were a business decision, it would be easy. Pull out. In my case, I have to pull out cause someone else didn't.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Paternity of the unborn child must be determined! If the child is not yours, then you must engage a family attorney to represent you, bringing due attention of the court to the sad fact! It will also let you file for divorce citing adultery against her and will relieve you from having to pay for any child support whatsoever under Louisiana law!
> 
> Rid yourself of this unfaithful scourge as you deserve so much more out of a loving and faithful spouse!
> 
> ...


I can't have children, the debate on who the father is can't be made. I was snipped 5 years ago after a serious medical condition. I cannot be responsible for the pregnancy. We live in Western Florida. I work in LA. Why shouldn't I try to work it out at least once? We been together for 15 years all together. I owe her one try. Just one. But I don't want to waste my time. Do you think that of I have an affair on her is wrong? A free pass..... I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but still.... it would make me feel way better. I'm so confused on the best decision to make.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

She keeps listening to The Secret by David Nail. She has fallen off the deep end and smacked her head. I cannot stomach the idea of sharing my woman. She says that she is in love with the other guy but loves me too. How do you respond to that? I told her I would drop her off on his doorstep but.... I'm the bad guy. I just don't get it. As I try to keep tabs on her involvement with him. Still messaging my wife and now she has a very complicated password on her cell phone. Somethings going on. I believe the writing is on the wall. Clear as mud. But it's on the wall.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Then your vasectomy speaks to an open and close prima facie  case, where Florida law differs indiscernibly with Louisiana law!

One question: What retribution has your W openly shown you that she is deserving of a second chance?

Another question: Would the child's father acknowledge paternity and subject himself to paying applicable child support and insurance for the child for the full 18 years, plus pay for his part of a college tuition fund?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

New iberia said:


> Wow, you hit the head on the nail. She is a pure drunk, very unable to accept responsibility for her own actions. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Stupid me. I wanted to try to make it work. I took a vow. I have to try one last time. I want to try to work it out and I want to leave her. I can't do both, you're right. But I have to try one last time. 12 years. I have to try one more time. I'm thinking that your suggestions are going to be the answer. If it were a business decision, it would be easy. Pull out. In my case, I have to pull out cause someone else didn't.


You don't "have" to do squat. Putting up with someone's crap for 12 years doesn't mean you have to put up with it for 13 or that you should. We all took vows but you can't make lemonade out of piss no matter how dedicated you are. This woman agreed to be your partner but she partnered with a bottle and let you carry her for 12 years. She agreed to be sexually faithful but she wasn't. Worst of all, when caught, she blamed you. Her a$$ would be on the curb so fast she'd think it was strapped to a missile. Some other guy "loves" her more than the man who's been sheltering and feeding her for 12 years? Her heart and her body need to be in the same place. Get a paternity test. If that kid is your's, dump her and keep the kid. I wouldn't leave my offspring in the clutches of a drunk. If that kid isn't your's, let the daddy support it and the child's drunk, disloyal, unfaithful, unrepentant mother. 
You don't know how many days you have left on this earth, so why waste them on someone who doesn't appreciate or deserve your loyalty? You're out at sea risking your very life to put food in the mouth of someone who sucks another guy off while you're gone? Why would you want to give her another second, let alone, a second chance? Do you really owe that lump of disloyal human something? God isn't big on divorce, but even He grants exceptions for adultery.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Wow, she is taking you for a serious ride, and it's straight down hill and will end in a fiery explosion. Your one comment that really struck home for me was "I wanted to try to make it work, I took a vow". She took a vow also, yet she doesn't care a crap about that vow, not only is she a bad wife but she is a terrible person. 

I stuck around for an extra ten years in my marriage because I took a vow and felt obligated to try....and try and try and try, ten years of pure hell, ten wasted years of my life.

She is a drunken shell and a misfit of a human being, and she has the gall to blame you for her actions. You are no longer obligated to try, she changed the game. Take all her things and drop them off at the sperm donors house, and leave her there too.

Don't waste your life with this woman.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Is she still drinking? You don't say how far along she is, but you need to get up to speed on fetal alcohol syndrome. Read all you can and then ask yourself if you've got it in you to raise and support a child with disabilities. A child who isn't yours. What would you do if you stayed with her and she wasn't capable of caring for the child? Who is going to support the family while you're taking care of the baby?

She isn't remorseful and is blaming you. She is not a candidate for reconciliation.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

New iberia said:


> She said she wasn't going to apologize because I was always gone.


 Remind her that you were gone because you were working to provide for the both of you, and to allow her not to have to work. You should also remind her that every time that she was without you, you were without her, and yet you did not cheat.



New iberia said:


> I will not care for another man's child especially if it was a product of her cheating on me. From a man who cannot provide for her. Sounds to me that they deserve each other. Can I really be responsible for paying child support for a kid that isn't mine?


 The courts look to do what is in the best interest of the child and not what is fair. By law, the husband of the mother of the child will be presumed by the court to be the father for purposes of child support if the husband has taken no action and is still married to her at the time of the child's birth; this is especially true if the biological father cannot provide for the child. This has happened countless times to many men. In such cases DNA testing does not matter. You need to see an attorney on this today, and immediately do what he tells you to do, including filing for divorce. Since your wife is not sorry, has not given up the other man, and has already told you that she expects you to support the other man's child, you already know that she plans to pursue you in court on this. When the other man is living with her and his child off of the money that you pay her in alimony and child support, you will regret that you allowed this to happen by your lack of quick and decisive action.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

New iberia said:


> she cheated on me. She said it was because she was lonely and drunk. She also said it was because of me being gone all the time and how she was tired of being alone. She found someone else who cares and loves her.


 *@ iberia: please ask the mods to move this thread to the infidelity section.*


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

Find a clear minded friend or relative. Tell them what you are going through so they can give you support. Get away from this "she devil "
and DONT to back. When you find a good woman in the future , you will almost instantly start to feel better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

New iberia said:


> I have a wife named jesibelle who has a serious drinking problem. While I was off shore working in the oil fields of LA, jesibelle stays home partying and having a grand ole time. She doesn't work or have any children. This time being off shore, about 2 months is average, she cheated on me. She said it was because she was lonely and drunk. She also said it was because of me being gone all the time and how she was tired of being alone. She found someone else who cares and loves her. Even though he cannot provide for her or even hold a job. She may be pregnant with his child. She said she was not sorry and expects me to care for the baby with her if she is in fact pregnant. I want to leave her but I also want to forgive her and work through this. Please help me. Thank you. New Iberia


Sorry, but no kids and a cheating wife?

Divorce her.

ETA: Just read that she might be pregnant w/ this guy's kid and expects you to pay for it.

AYFKM? Ditch this remorseless slore and be done w/ her forever.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

The saying is, "When a Southern Lady says 'Oh, Hell No' then you know things have gone too far". This Southern lady is saying just that. There is no way you should even consider giving her another chance; she is still in the midst of communication with her first chance, if you will! You need to be done, I hope you don't own a house because you need to be as far away from her as you possibly can be. In fact, I'd think about going back to the oil rigs, even though I know, as an oil brat in my childhood, that they are dangerous places.

Get away from her, take the medical facts that you can't father a child to a very good attorney, then do what that attorney suggests you do. You are either way too good or way too gullible. 

I don't post very often, but this one opened up my keyboard.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

Pam said:


> The saying is, "When a Southern Lady says 'Oh, Hell No' then you know things have gone too far". This Southern lady is saying just that. There is no way you should even consider giving her another chance; she is still in the midst of communication with her first chance, if you will! You need to be done, I hope you don't own a house because you need to be as far away from her as you possibly can be. In fact, I'd think about going back to the oil rigs, even though I know, as an oil brat in my childhood, that they are dangerous places.
> 
> Get away from her, take the medical facts that you can't father a child to a very good attorney, then do what that attorney suggests you do. You are either way too good or way too gullible.
> 
> I don't post very often, but this one opened up my keyboard.


I have been trying to follow my heart but for once my heart can't give me the wrong answer. I can't father children. She is roughly a month late in cycle and her symptoms follow pregnancy along with a positive over the counter pregnancy test. I guess I have been very stupid to leave before this. I have been looking at good lawyers in my area. Headed to see one tomorrow. Starting there. Can't see paying for a child conceived while she was cheating on me. That's not who I am, about, or what I Stand for.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Then your vasectomy speaks to an open and close prima facie  case, where Florida law differs indiscernibly with Louisiana law!
> 
> One question: What retribution has your W openly shown you that she is deserving of a second chance?
> 
> ...


The father of the child can't even support the other 2 or 3 kids he has. He lives in a shed without a job or transportation. He can not buy groceries for himself much else give support for a newborn. Insurance and college funds, that's a joke. 

She hasn't really given me any ideas or reasons for a second chance really. Man, you guys are right... she should have been gone a long time before this. And yes, he would agree to actually taking a paternity test.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

TRy said:


> New iberia said:
> 
> 
> > She said she wasn't going to apologize because I was always gone.
> ...


She doesn't care. All she knows is that she is a month or so into the pregnancy and I have great insurance.


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## New iberia (Dec 27, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Is she still drinking? You don't say how far along she is, but you need to get up to speed on fetal alcohol syndrome. Read all you can and then ask yourself if you've got it in you to raise and support a child with disabilities. A child who isn't yours. What would you do if you stayed with her and she wasn't capable of caring for the child? Who is going to support the family while you're taking care of the baby?
> 
> She isn't remorseful and is blaming you. She is not a candidate for reconciliation.


A month into the pregnancy. 1 month. Still drinking. And very heavy to. The kid cannot be mine. I have been gone for the past 2 months and I can't father children. I'm medically incapable.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

You know what you have to do. I am so sorry.


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