# sexless or not normal



## atbab (Aug 22, 2011)

I have been married for 15 years and have had a low sex drive marriage for 14 of those years. By low I mean once a month sometimes twice. I had many rejections in trying.

The past 9 months have been a interesting phase in the relationship. We hit a make or break phase and starting working through things. I think I started meeting more of my wifes needs and received a lot of encouragement on my efforts. She initiated once but stopped once we were naked. We spoke about the anxieties and fears and ended sleeping in each others arms after she put her clothes back on. This happened about 3 months ago. Since them we have not been naked together. I have attempted on many occasions to kiss her but get pushed away. She says she is anxicous but offers to give me a hand job.

For Christmas I gave her a vibrator amongst other things. She became upset and angry and after talking she I was not normal or that I think she is really broken. Has that I am sex starved caused me to become obsessed? I have been hoping for a sex life where we can laugh, relax and enjoy each other. And that the vibrator was a way of getting my wife to start enjoying herself.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Buying your wife a vibrator does not qualify you as obsessed with sex. She needs to take a chill pill, or more helpful would be if she started using the vibrator or allowed you to use it frequently on her.

Sex a couple times a month is NOT normal in my book...I'd be out the door. I go crazy when I have sex (just) twice in a week!


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

Sex once or twice a month might be normal to one couple. The question is are you happy/satisfied with that amount? If not then its probably not normal. If you want more sex/intimacy then it needs to be discussed with her she can get mad if she wants but it needs to be talked about. You have needs as well and she has to take those into consideration. Have you tried MC or both going to IC if she isn't comfortable talking with you right away? 

As for the vibrator she might have felt you were trying to push sex knowing how anxious she gets about it. My H has gotten me sex toys and there is only one I can think of that didn't have a good reaction on my part and to this day I refuse to use it and he gave it to me Feb 14 2011 (its just a basic vibrator nothing kinky but the timing was REALLY bad)


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You have other problems in your marriage apart from the sex ones which are the only ones you mention.
Unless you do something about them as well dont expect the sex ones to disappear.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

atbab said:


> I think I started meeting more of my wifes needs and received a lot of encouragement on my efforts. She initiated once but stopped once we were naked.


That's not good. Basically, you're trying to meet your wife's needs, but she's not trying to meet yours.



atbab said:


> This happened about 3 months ago. Since them we have not been naked together. I have attempted on many occasions to kiss her but get pushed away. She says she is anxicous but offers to give me a hand job.


That's not normal. A married couple is normally comfortable being naked around each other and having sex. Your wife is abnormal.



atbab said:


> For Christmas I gave her a vibrator amongst other things. She became upset and angry and after talking she I was not normal or that I think she is really broken. Has that I am sex starved caused me to become obsessed?


You jumped the gun. Vibrators are used by normal women with normal views on sex. I'm surprised your wife didn't scream with fear at seeing something used for pleasure.

You need to decide whether you will accept a sexless marriage. You sound like you won't. So I think you should start making a plan B (separation, divorce, open marriage). If your wife wants you around, she has to provide sex. If she has irrational fears about sex, then she should go to a sex therapist to get right in the head. If she refuses to do those things, then go to plan B.

I would also start working on adding alpha behaviors. A man who will accept a sexless marriage for 15 years is not alpha enough to have much success either in marriage, or on the dating scene. You'll need to add alpha whether you stay with your wife or not.

Good luck.


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