# Contemplating divorce



## Ambercat (4 mo ago)

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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ambercat said:


> OH and I have been married 32 years, 3 adult children, 2 still at home, both in our mid 50's.
> 
> We've spent many years trying to work on our differences without success and over the past 3 years have become incredibly distant and emotionally shut off from each other.
> 
> ...


@Ambercat That's really a tragedy of a marriage. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I suspect this is closest to the truth of your situation:
"_says he wishes we'd divorced in 2006 and that he isn't the right person for me. _"

32 years will take a lifetime to get over if you do divorce. Is there any chance of making counseling a permanent part of your lives? Things got better during the counseling years, right? But not fixed. Can you try again with a different/better counselor? And keep them in your life, don't stop until a permanent change is apparent.

I went to MC, the good kind with letters after her name and everything. Her advice was missing the root causes, and I had to figure it out on my own. Not all counselors are bright.

But the reality of the situation is that your marriage likely died many years ago and you both have been on life support since then. Pulling the plug may be merciful.

How was hubby and your marriage prior to you cheating? Was that the turning point that killed the marriage or was it broken before then?

Best of luck to you Amber.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

@Ambercat ...Honestly it sounds like your relationship has run its course....Things are not going to change in a meaningful way to move forward where you are both satisfied. 

I almost never say this but go see a lawyer and find out your options...Probably better to move on , then stay on a stagnant toxic relationship / marriage 
The ball is in your court


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

He didn't have the backbone to divorce you when you cheated and this is the expected aftermath.

Release him from his pain and end it.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

re16 said:


> He didn't have the backbone to divorce you when you cheated and this is the expected aftermath.
> 
> Release him from his pain and end it.


Apologies, my reply wasn't helpful to OP.

Original Post:
"_I would go a step further and site this as an example of why a man should, with rare as unicorn exceptions, always walk away when a woman commits adultery in a marriage. The adultery is a measure of the respect she has for him and if he doesn't respect himself enough to end it, the woman's disrespect only builds, even after many years as illustrated here._"

OP, that is simply my opinion, many other's here are more sympathetic and I regret voicing it.


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## Ambercat (4 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @Ambercat That's really a tragedy of a marriage. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
> 
> I suspect this is closest to the truth of your situation:
> "_says he wishes we'd divorced in 2006 and that he isn't the right person for me. _"
> ...


ct manner.


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