# He's Gay-How to Move on?



## GeorgiaPeach (Nov 29, 2011)

Hi, I'm new here. Tried searching for info on this topic but nothing returned. Hope this post is in the right place and that there is some good advice to be had.

We were married for 14+ years (21 years together total), when my now ex informed me he was leaving me and our two beautiful boys. . . for another man. And if anyone is wondering how a person could live with someone for so long and not know, let me just tell you that he was good at hiding his secret. Nobody knew or suspected. Nobody in the family knew (and ours is very large), none of our friends, or even any of his close co-workers. He hid this well.

Although divorced for over four years now, I still have issues with this. Betrayal. Selfishness (his part). TRUST. Insecurity. Inadequacy.

Has anyone else been through anything like this? How to you "get over this", if you ever do? I've tried professional counselling several times and with different people, but they tell me the same thing. . . it's not your fault. Time will heal your hurt. They may be correct but they've never experienced anything like this, either. One counselor was never married and the other still a newlywed. They just didn't seem to "get it".

If anyone has any advice or similar experience and wouldn't mind sharing, I would love to hear what you did. How you recovered from this ultimate act of deception.

Thanks.


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## Kaincops (Dec 1, 2011)

hey dear whats your gud name and from where are you.??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My wife spent the last 2.5 years going bat$hit crazy. But I don't think that all women are like that.

Not all men are liars with deep dark secrets.

Go out - have some fun - don't get too serious (unless you're ready) - and just enjoy yourself.

Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!


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## Kaincops (Dec 1, 2011)

mere sath sex kon karega ..alone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

GeorgiaPeach said:


> Hi, I'm new here. Tried searching for info on this topic but nothing returned. Hope this post is in the right place and that there is some good advice to be had.
> 
> We were married for 14+ years (21 years together total), when my now ex informed me he was leaving me and our two beautiful boys. . . for another man. And if anyone is wondering how a person could live with someone for so long and not know, let me just tell you that he was good at hiding his secret. Nobody knew or suspected. Nobody in the family knew (and ours is very large), none of our friends, or even any of his close co-workers. He hid this well.
> 
> ...


Did he cheat on you with other men? Or did he try to suppress his sexual preference for his entire life and only recently realize or come to terms with it?

I've never personally experienced this, but I consider it like any other act of betrayal, and to me it doesn't matter if it's leaving for another woman or another man, it's still betraying. 

However, if your ex only discovered he was truly gay after he married you and tried hard to suppress his feelings because of societies continued unacceptable attitude towards gay men, then I can honestly understand your ex's side. 

I don't know what answers you are looking for in your counseling sessions. Your ex is gay and you guys are divorced. Quite honestly I almost would prefer my H leave me because of his sexuality vs. leaving me for another woman he's fallen in love with. I would look at it as I don't have the equipment to compete, vs. another woman who I would actually compare myself to and always wonder what she has that I don't  Just my two cents on it.


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## Darkflower (Dec 2, 2011)

GeorgiaPeach, have you seen this website:

Straight Spouse Network

I am not personally familiar with your situation, but having known many people who came out of the closet as gay post-adolecence, and often times leaving a marriage in the process, I have looked into the issue out of interest.

I hope this helps.


Jen


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