# When did you tell the kids....???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

How soon have you told the kids about the divorce ???

My husband told me he wants to divorce me (Labor Day weekend) and has filed the papers already but he hasn't told the kids yet (3 & 9).....

How early did you tell your kids ???

Right after the "I want a divorce" talk or just before finalization ???


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## Lpt51173 (Sep 5, 2010)

We want to tell our daughter soon. I am just not sure how. We never fought, yelled or screamed. There were no outward signs that anything was wrong...

One thing I have heard is to not tell them too much. Let the kids ask the questions as you may talk to much and give them more than they need or can handle...


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## AWife (Sep 25, 2010)

Are you still living together? I think I would do it a short time before the actual separation of homes if that's possible. Kids are sharp. They know something is going on. Before telling them, especially the 9 year old, make sure you know what is going to happen. Where is everyone going to live. When is he/she going to be with mommy and when with daddy. Is there going to be a different school? What about the pets? Try to stay as positive as possible. Be honest about the reasons as much as you can be, but don't give unnecessary details. Good luck. That was probably the hardest part for me.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

We have three kids 16, 13 and 4 and we told the two older ones a few days before my husband moved out that we were separating. At the time our youngest was asleep and we never said anything to her and to be totally honest she has not even mentioned that something is different.

He has been gone about six weeks now and they are really not handling it too well. My oldest is mad at me all the time, why me he is the one who moved out and left??? My middle doesn't talk about it all and my youngest has not even noticed. 

I don't know that there is a good time to tell them you are separating.

Good luck!


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

I filed about 3 weeks ago, and we are still living together (boo!), and I have found a nice script in a book called "Helping Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way" by Gary Neuman (you can go to Amazon and type Kids Divorce, and it will come up on the first page.

That book is AMAZING! I am having my mother-in-law read it now. It has scripts, little games to play to get kids talking. It tells you what to do and say when they don't handle it well... Great book.

All that is to say that we have NOT talked to our 5 and 7yo, because we are not separated. The book says not to use the word "divorce", and to instead use the word "separated", since it's easier for a kid to understand. But, he won't leave, so we aren't separated. We WILL talk to the kids about 1 week before he goes.

I'm hoping that's within a month. sheesh.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Wow Duck, I don't know how you are doing it??? I give you great props for being able to live with someone after you have filed.

I wish you luck in telling the kids and in your future!


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

It's nice to read your words momof3... It stinks to live together at this point. Things are getting more and more tense each week.  ugh.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Duck - You said you filed three weeks ago, not judging or being rude just wondering you went from hapily married straight to divorce with no separation at all? I have hope that we will work things out, after last night less hope but still hope. How do you know things could not be repaired?

You said you filed and he still lives there, this might be nieve but how long does it take to get divorced? I thought it took several months but this is the first time I am going through anything like this so I have no clue.

Good wishes to you!


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