# wife takes her phone everywhere



## LFC

My wife takes her phone evrywhere with her . If she has a bath she takes it in the bathroom .its never on charge where I can see it . It is next to her side of the bed at night in her jeans pocket and she wakes up if I go near it. She got a few late night texts a while back and when I asked her about them she said it was the lady she cleans for . She has said. I can look at her phone anytime . Her behaviour is making me paranoid I don't want to come across as weak or needy to her so I dropped the subject and have not brought it up .for weeks. But it still plays on my mind


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## chillymorn

trust your gut!

have some balls and ask to see it if she balks then somethings amiss.

make it a boundry and enforce it. If she belittle you about it then she dosn't respect you. and who wants to married to someone who dosn't respect you!


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## Onmyway

Take her up on her offer of letting you see her phone anytime you need to, some people are just like that with their cell phones. Has she always been like this or is it a new behavior?


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## MrK

Just look at the bill and see who's calling/texting.


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## Toffer

LFC,

This is a possible RED FLAG if this is new behavior for her.

Do some reading in the Coping With Indelity section for some other Red Flags

If you can get a copy of the cell phone bill (either on line or paper copy from the carrier) I'd do it and review her number of texts and calls for the last few months and look for a large number of texts and calls to a particular number.

Good luck!


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## Runs like Dog

Is it passcode locked?


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## CallaLily

I do this too. Its out of habit actually. Whether I'm dating someone or not, I still do it.


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## Runs like Dog

The ringer on my wife's phone you can hear from the street. And it plays this whole long boring melody. And it rings, oh, 90x a day. And in case you're curious, 'unlimited' actually isn't. The phone company(s) send me nasty notes when either of her two lines goes over 5,000 minutes a month. So does she take her phone with her? Yes.


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## LFC

This is new behaviour for her,
phone is pay as you go so I cannot check any billing . She has no one that needs to contact her in an emergency . I would ask to see it but she always deleted her messages anyway . So am beginning to see this as a safety net in case she fails to delete anything . 
A couple of weeks ago I asked her what she had been doing in the day while I was working and she accused me of checking up on her (which I prob was).she only works about 6 hours a week and when I mention about her getting a job she gets all huffy . Could be.down to her lack of confidence .


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## sohereiam

I would be weary and speak to her. Let her know your concerns,.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LFC

sohereiam said:


> I would be weary and speak to her. Let her know your concerns,.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have read that this will make her.cover.her.tracks better if she is cheating .


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## CallaLily

Do you want to know or don't you?

You stated she told you that you could look at her phone anytime. If that is so, then next time her phone is laying around where you can get to it, and shes in the same room, pick it up and look at it. If she has nothing to hide, then she will have no problem with this, especially if she told you that you could.


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## Mavash.

I take my phone everywhere and I'm not cheating. I suggest you breathe, take a step back and observe. Look for other evidence before you panic.


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## Tommyboy

I understand your pain with this. This use to bother me all the time until I learned to trust my wife. I am doing everything I can in the relationship and since I was not doing anything wrong, I stopped assuming she was. She also told me I could look through her phone. I realized I felt this way because I didn't want her looking through my phone. I didn't have anything in there, I just liked my privacy. She also use to take her phone with her everywhere she went. When I stopped inquiring about it and acted like it didn't bother me, she stopped.


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## Lon

LFC, you said this is new behavior for her, and when you check you notice she has deleted messages. These are red flags.

As for phone use in general, I too have become very attached to mine, it goes everywhere with me, its my email, texts, calendar and internet all in one. I also receive alerts via text on a frequent basis and I delete those as soon as I read them but I keep all my other text messages, i even sync them with my gmail account so I have a permanent record of everything I've sent and received.

Have you noticed any other signs that may be red flags? new underwear? New perfume? Extra fuel consumption in her car? more girls nights out? Change/improvement in diet or exrcise? new clothes/accessories?

If so then look at installing a voice activated recorder, VAR in her car or wherever she spends private time talking on her phone. Also if she ever backs up her phone to a computer see if you can use spyware to look at the backup logs - her deleted messages may still be there. Or consider hiring a PI.

If you are having a hunch you need to alleviate that soon or you will go crazy and if she is innocent of any wrongdoing the sooner you can get to the truth the better for you both.


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## trey69

Anything else going on that you're aware of other than her staying close to her phone? Usually if someone is doing something they shouldn't or have something to hide it doesn't just effect one area of the relationship. How does she act in general other than with her phone?


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## COguy

Major red flag. When my wife started taking her phone to the bathroom, it was because she was sexting her EA partner.

Not saying she is cheating, but it's certainly worth looking at.

Check her phone bill, who's she texting/calling?


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## Toffer

LFC,

"phone is pay as you go so I cannot check any billing . She has no one that needs to contact her in an emergency . I would ask to see it but she always deleted her messages anyway"

Keeping phone close by at all times - Check/Red Flag
Pay as you go phone so no paper trail - Check/Red Flag
Messages always deleted - Check/Red Flag
This above is new behavior for her - Check/Red Flag
Accuses you of being controlling (checking up on her) - Check/Red Flag

Again, time to dig deeper. While she may not be involved in ANYTHING, what damage is there if you quietly check this out? It will put you at ease if these are all false flags.

Do Not question her about your concerns yet. INVESTIGATE

Get the voice activated Recorder (VAR) and attach under her car seat with heavy duty velcro

Get a keylogger on the computer ASAP

Sit back and wait and pretend that everything is hunky dory and review the tapes and keylogger


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## AgentD

trey69 said:


> Anything else going on that you're aware of other than her staying close to her phone? Usually if someone is doing something they shouldn't or have something to hide it doesn't just effect one area of the relationship. How does she act in general other than with her phone?


:iagree:

Yeah I agree there are usually other signs. I take my phone most everywhere too, even the bathroom and lay it on the counter while in the shower. Never cheated and have nothing to hide. Its just something I do, out of habit pretty much. 

Pick it up and look at it. If you don't want to do it in front of her, don't. Do it when shes away from it. If you could get ahold of it and hide it I would love to see the look on her face when she can't find it. That might be a tale tale sign too, if she freaks out. See if there are any unusual names or numbers you're not familiar with. Write them down, call them, see who answers.


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## Browncoat

Toffer said:


> LFC,
> 
> "phone is pay as you go so I cannot check any billing . She has no one that needs to contact her in an emergency . I would ask to see it but she always deleted her messages anyway"
> 
> Keeping phone close by at all times - Check/Red Flag
> Pay as you go phone so no paper trail - Check/Red Flag
> Messages always deleted - Check/Red Flag
> This above is new behavior for her - Check/Red Flag
> Accuses you of being controlling (checking up on her) - Check/Red Flag
> 
> Again, time to dig deeper. While she may not be involved in ANYTHING, what damage is there if you quietly check this out? It will put you at ease if these are all false flags.
> 
> Do Not question her about your concerns yet. INVESTIGATE
> 
> Get the voice activated Recorder (VAR) and attach under her car seat with heavy duty velcro
> 
> Get a keylogger on the computer ASAP
> 
> Sit back and wait and pretend that everything is hunky dory and review the tapes and keylogger


:iagree:

Yep, pretty much sums it up. Get some answers and go from there.


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## DanglingDaisy

I have a pay as you go phone too-not because have anything to hide,but because I didn't want to be stuck in another expensive contract

I don't carry my phone everywhere with me-I use it mainly for music when I go for walks and stuff...since we have a home phone, and I don't have a million people calling me on it,I don't see the point when I'm in the bathroom etc. Guess I'm not like many women here in regards to that.

In my case, with NOTHING to hide-I do delete texts when I'm talking to girlfriends about my husband's latest explosive incident,or feelings of loneliness and frustration. I don't want him seeing this-because in our case he's emotionally manipulative and I don't want him making me feel worse. I like to vent-and not have it create even more issues.

I do agree you need to check. My partner last summer had a freak out thinking I was secretly texting a guy. He assumed the same but unlike most here-takes his anger to the extreme. He insisted on checking my phone-MY ISSUE was that he had so little trust-I was offended and refused until he threatened to hit me. When he did check, he was relieved-and to this day, I am hurt,angry and resentful that his lack of trust and last of respect and boundaries has always(15yrs)been the key. 

Do what you have to, to ease your mind-but be careful how you address it-if it turns out to be nothing,and you've made a fool of yourself, you'll do more damage than good.


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## Hank567

LFC said:


> phone is pay as you go so I cannot check any billing .


Many pay as you go phones let you register online so you can reload your phone easier. If you do that, it will let you check call history, etc. 

It's different for different phone service providers, but it's something like

1. register for an account
2. it sends a confirmation to the phone
3. enter confirmation code online, and voila!

You should be able to search online to see if that phone service provider will let you register online, and how.


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## occasionallybaffled

You could play "bad cop" and tell her that you picked up her phone and ask if she would explain the messages that you saw on it... 

See how she reacts when you are saying this. 

Or if you are out together (store, walking, whatever), leave your phone (assuming you have one) in the car. Once you are gone from car for a bit, say " Can I use your phone to make a quick call?"

If she is trying to hide something and you ask to see her phone, it would give her a warning and time to delete everything. But you could always just ask to see it, and see how she reacts.


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## nxs450

I can tell you my wife was the same way with her phone about 3 years ago. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was foolish to trust her because I found out later that she was having an affair. Once she was in the bedroom talking and I thought I heard a mans voice on the phone. She made me believe it was a girlfriend and I never questioned her. That still pisses me off when I think about it. 
My advice would to be to look into it. I never thought my wife would cheat. I was wrong.


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## nomoretogive

Hank567 said:


> Many pay as you go phones let you register online so you can reload your phone easier. If you do that, it will let you check call history, etc.
> 
> It's different for different phone service providers, but it's something like
> 
> 1. register for an account
> 2. it sends a confirmation to the phone
> 3. enter confirmation code online, and voila!
> 
> You should be able to search online to see if that phone service provider will let you register online, and how.


I was just going to post something similar to this. I use a prepaid phone for my online business advertising just because I don't want online weirdos calling me all the time and I was missing calls using my Google Voice account. 

I have actually had prepaid phones with two carriers for this purpose -- same phone number. Both of them offered pretty detailed online activity info -- incoming and outgoing calls, text messages to and from (although not the content of the text messages). In neither case did a text go to my phone, either. I just had to enter the phone number, create a PIN, and I was up and running with the online dashboard. 

May be something to think about or try if you're really curious and have a reason to be suspicious. However, having said that, I agree with many of the other posters: Having a cell phone as an extra appendage is relatively normal these days. I know mine never leaves my side (I even sleep with it next to my pillow), and I have nothing to hide. I just depend on that thing to run my life for me and can't imagine not having it with me....yes, even in the bathroom. Even then, I'm not sending sinister texts to anyone; I'm just playing checkers or skee-ball


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## LFC

None of her other behaviour is different , so no other reason to suspect anything just every so often I get a feeling (paranoia) , cannot register the pre pay to view the bills as a code is sent to the phone and she always has it . I think I will just grab it and check it when she is asleep and if she wakes , I can watch how she reacts .


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## lovelygirl

LFC said:


> My wife takes her phone evrywhere with her . If she has a bath she takes it in the bathroom .its never on charge where I can see it . It is next to her side of the bed at night in her jeans pocket and she wakes up if I go near it. She got a few *late night texts* a while back and when I asked her about them *she said it was the lady she cleans for* . She has said. I can look at her phone anytime . Her behaviour is making me paranoid I don't want to come across as weak or needy to her so I dropped the subject and have not brought it up .for weeks. But it still plays on my mind


LOL. That's the most ridiculous lie I've ever heard! 
Are you sure she's a cleaning lady and not a "cleaning guy"? 
She doesn't even know how to lie. She could have said for example her girlfriend/cousin or whatever. But the CLEANING LADY at night???? 
:lol:



Something must be going on for sure!


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## LFC

The lady she cleans for . Supposedly texts to thank her for the work she has done ,my wife is a cleaner .


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## Nsweet

My wife was stupid enough to be calling the OM over and over on a family plan my gadparents got to save us money. When I exposed her the OM bought her a phone. I was in pretty deep denial at that point, and all of us were long distance from each other. Then when I came to see her I got to look at her phone. A few months suspected OM and I got into a rage war on FB because he was sexting her in public. He put up a blured pic of them kissing I found on Googe+ minutes later dated 3 days before I got that all to famiar "we need talk.... I want a divorce."

Later after she filed for divorce after starting an argument with me just looking for an excuse. I went there trying to smooth things over and she did all the b*tching for no reason when I was nice and hiding her phone, closing her laptop, etc. The best part was when I stopped fighting with her and let her throw out crumbs of deception.. she basically confessed to who an when on her own. When I confronted her gently about it when we seperated and I got the papes in the mail..... I had been researching police and black op confession tactics, added to my aready impressing knowledge of psychology. I put all the pieces together days before then and bluffed my @$$ off about how I had known since then, the texts I saw, what the OM told me recently, etc..... she let the cat out of the bag and I'm failry certain it took the wind out of thier sails and threw the thrilling taboo thee sheets into the wind (does this make sense because it sounded cool in my head). 

Best part of my wife's EA was exposing her and watching her freak out while I kept a cool head and worked on what I was going to say to dump her this time. All before that was under the impression this was my fault and she was a good girl.... HA HA HA, she's miserabe now and without me to soothe her she's fighting with the OM.


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## lovelygirl

LFC said:


> The lady she cleans for . Supposedly texts to thank her for the work she has done ,my wife is a cleaner .


Oh okay. 
Well, either way, it's still senseless that she'd exchange thankful text messages in the middle of the night.

Still ridiculous!


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## Toffer

Do not confront!

Do some more reading but again I see possible red flags. What harm does it do to monitor for a while using a keylogger and a VAR?

Your gut is trying to tell you something. As you'll see time and time again here, trust your gut. It's usually right


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## Hank567

LFC said:


> None of her other behaviour is different , so no other reason to suspect anything just every so often I get a feeling (paranoia) , cannot register the pre pay to view the bills as a code is sent to the phone and she always has it . I think I will just grab it and check it when she is asleep and if she wakes , I can watch how she reacts .


Your call, however, many people here can tell you of experiences of confronting too early, before getting all the facts. Watching how she reacts to you having her phone doesn't give you any proof, and she'll most likely gaslight you into believing it was nothing anyway, and that it's your fault.

If you can check her phone while she's sleeping, can't you also have the code sent to her phone while she's sleeping?


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## COguy

Hank567 said:


> Your call, however, many people here can tell you of experiences of confronting too early, before getting all the facts. Watching how she reacts to you having her phone doesn't give you any proof, and she'll most likely gaslight you into believing it was nothing anyway, and that it's your fault.
> 
> If you can check her phone while she's sleeping, can't you also have the code sent to her phone while she's sleeping?


That's what I was thinking, did the same thing myself. Steal the phone, have the register thing send the text, confirm the text, delete the text, put phone back, nothing ever happened...


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## Ten_year_hubby

LFC said:


> I think I will just grab it and check it when she is asleep and if she wakes , I can watch how she reacts .


Thank you. She's your wife, if you want to look at her phone then do it. If you don't want her to know, I completely understand. She has to sleep sometime. If she has a password set, buy her a new iphone and set up a back door for yourself before you give it to her


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## Runs like Dog

If you think her behavior is suspicious then doesn't she have a right to think your demand to see her phone is also suspicious?


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## lovelygirl

Runs like Dog said:


> If you think her behavior is suspicious then doesn't she have a right to think your demand to see her phone is also suspicious?


That's what I was thinking.
He gotta have an answer when she asks him why he's being suspicious.


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## wifehubby

If she is deleting her messages regularly she is hiding something. My wife was doing the same thing and she was having an emotional affair. My wife now has 0 privacy and hidden password + a signed confession of what she did.

If there are any other flags in your relationship I would suggest you figure who is calling and when. I would suggest you begin your investigation completely underground but once you find out don't expose what you know until you are sure you know most/all of the story....

Perhaps suggest to make it a regular line with a joint bill or something so you can check the logs.


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## jameskimp

Look into it. Trust your instincts. Being overprotective usually means she has something to hide.


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## the guy

Crap her phone and when she react tell her some you told you that they called you to let you know something and you wanted to confirm it.

Kinda like this ....." my mom told me she called you and told you that she couldn't make it the party and I just wanted to confirm that my mom actually did call"....something to that effect. If you know what I mean.

I would how ever plant a voice activated recorder in her car. Get some velcrow tape and install it under her car seat or dash board.


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## LFC

Another worry we had sex last week and she had a rancid smell down below . She has never smelt like that , she said she has been bleeding between periods ,she thinks she has cystitis, she went to the docs . 
I'm gonna pick a var up this week. 
Why velcro tape as opposed to gaffer tape when fitting it under the car seat . 

Other issues I don't think she would have a man in her car as it a very small car . I could do with tracking her whereabouts


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## Lon

LFC, the change in her odor could be lots of things, if she had a PA it could be and STI, but if she is leading double life their could be stress related conditions happening. As an example, when my ex was in the midst of her affair, she had an outburst of shingles on her abdomen (the really disgusting part is I found photos of her posing in lingerie, which I presume was for one of her OM and the rash was quite hideous to look at).

As to velcro vs gaffer tape, velcro just makes it easier to remove so you can check it and put it back (ideally youhave two VAR so you can switch them out). The point of the VAR in car is not to catch a live conversation, though that is certainly possible, but more because people tend to make a lot of confidential phone calls from the car.


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## OhGeesh

I take my phone everywhere too. It is on me as much as my wallet is...........so not always the end all be all.


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## Shaggy

The bad smell is likely a yeast infection.


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## COguy

Shaggy said:


> The bad smell is likely a yeast infection.


Funny cause my wife got a yeast infection after her ONS. I jokingly said to her, "Who'd you get that from?" And she went off on me. I should have known........


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## Jellybeans

Sorry to say but it sounds higly suspect...like she may be cheating.

People don't generally take their phones to the bathroom with them everytime they have to pee/shower/do their hair/makeup.

In fact, taking the phone with you EVERYWHERE, especially into the bathroom and guarding it like the Holy Grail is a major major red flag for cheating. 

Just saying.

Hope I am wrong.


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## tacoma

Do you have kids?

She works 6 hours a week, is glued to her always freshly deleted phone with nothing to do all day?

Look into this a little deeper man.


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## sirdano

my wife takes her phone everywhere then usually forgets were she left it.


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## c2500

Well, I caught the to be ex. It was so funny to stand between her phone and her...she would be visibly angry. I did subtle things like that once I knew what she was up to all while the PI was getting evidence. Sadly I reconcilled only to get shafted 5 months later. Seriously though someone who guards their phone is up to something no good.


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## COguy

lonelyangel said:


> I take my phone everywhere too and it's password protected...everyone should password protect. It's my phone... somethings in a marriage should be our own. I'm not doing anything wrong and hubby can look anytime. I just feel it's my phone my space. If you think something might be going on, I'm sure u can find out. Be honest and just have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel...if she gets all bent about it...then there is something there.


Whatever you do don't listen to this advice.

Confronting is pointless. No cheater will say, "Yes I'm doing inappropriate things and hiding stuff from you."


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## sinnister

lonelyangel said:


> I take my phone everywhere too and it's password protected...everyone should password protect. It's my phone... somethings in a marriage should be our own. I'm not doing anything wrong and hubby can look anytime. I just feel it's my phone my space. If you think something might be going on, I'm sure u can find out. Be honest and just have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel...if she gets all bent about it...then there is something there.


This is new age, sex in the city type influence. If it works for you great. But for the majority of people this does not work.

My phone will NEVER be password protected. My wife will always have unlimited access to it whenever she wants. A phone doesn't give a person individuality and freedom. It's a phone!


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## J'Accused

Hey, any update, my 2 cents, im going through a very rough divorce, which I didnt want, but my wife does the same thing holds onto that cell phone like a lifeline, and she ended up using it to take nude photos of herself to send to guys she met online, but she also had another cell phone(pre paid) which she kept in her car, i only found out when i keylogged her computer, good luck


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## Starstarfish

I take my phone with me, because if I don't move it with me from room to room as I go, I can't remember where I put it. 

And, I delete messages because sometimes I get tired of scrolling through 500 messages with Redbox codes when I'm looking for a text from a friend. 

Sometimes, I take the phone into the bathroom with me because, well - I like to play games as a distraction, especially in public bathrooms, it makes me less focused on other people listening. 

Not everyone is cheating, looking to cheat, or has something to hide. Sometimes, things have a very lame, though logical explanation.


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## Lon

Starstarfish said:


> Not everyone is cheating, looking to cheat, or has something to hide. Sometimes, things have a very lame, though logical explanation.


unless this is a recent change in behavior


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## Maricha75

Starstarfish said:


> I take my phone with me, because if I don't move it with me from room to room as I go, I can't remember where I put it.
> 
> And, I delete messages because sometimes I get tired of scrolling through 500 messages with Redbox codes when I'm looking for a text from a friend.
> 
> Sometimes, I take the phone into the bathroom with me because, well - I like to play games as a distraction, especially in public bathrooms, it makes me less focused on other people listening.
> 
> Not everyone is cheating, looking to cheat, or has something to hide. Sometimes, things have a very lame, though logical explanation.


1. I can understand taking it room to room because of being scatterbrained, sometimes. I have that issue as well. 

2. My phone separates out texts from friends/contacts from things like FB updates (only select friends), shopping codes, etc. The updates and codes, I delete. The friends' texts, I keep. Hubby knows this. Told him I do.

3. Key word is "SOMETIMES"... which implies you don't do this all the time. I play games or read when I know I will be in there awhile. Or, when I am going to take a bath instead of shower, I ahve my phone in there, playing music. Hubby does this as well. 

4. Yes, not everything is cheating. However, cheaters will use the "lame, logical" excuses to get away with it...for awhile.


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## viggling

i also think its a big red flag .. do the VAR before taking her phone from her you will get more info that way


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## TeaLeaves4

COguy said:


> Funny cause my wife got a yeast infection after her ONS. I jokingly said to her, "Who'd you get that from?" And she went off on me. I should have known........


Ok please do not start the myth on this board that a yeast infection is an STD. I have had plenty of them while celibate. And they don't cause a rancid smell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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