# HEs a drug addict



## brokenintn

I am so lost at what to do, I want to leave my fiance of almost 7 years due to his problems. Its hearwrenhing i do love him but i am not sure its enough anymore. I am tired of cleaining up the mess he creates. Let me explain the situation. He is addicted to meth. He doesnt do it everyday. And i was unaware of the past addiction when i met him. The first time he did this to me he took my car. our only car. my debit card withdrew all my money and spent it all on his addiction. this tends to happen 1 or 2 times a year for the past 7. yesterday he left for work as he is now the one working with our rent money in his pocket. ( i am now a stay at home mom of 3) and didnt go to work instead he spent every dime of the money we had, which was the rent money on meth. and didnt return home till 3 hours after he was supposed to pull in the driveway. broke and drugged out and unwilling to talk about it. he says it beyond his control he says it just hits him and he has to react. i dont do drugs and havent but like two times in my teenage years. i am 25 he is 35. we have one son together and he has been there since my middle son was 2 months old and my oldest was 18 months. they dont know that he isnt there real dad due to there real dad being a dead beat who left me when i was pregnant with our 2nd. now we have no rent money and this time prob no resources to find a way to pay the rent. this behavior is hurting me badly. I cant jst stay can i. I have threatened to leave... idk please help.


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## GutPunch

Don't threaten to leave.....Leave! Otherwise you are enabling. 

My wife is in rehab as we speak.


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## YinPrincess

No, he needs to get help. Your children don't need to be around this.

Has he become violent yet? I'm sure he has and they don't need to see that, either.

I left my ex after he became addicted to meth and tried to kill me. Please find a family member or friend you can stay with. Find a job, take back your car and let him hit rock bottom. He will never clean up so long as you are there to enable him and make it okay.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a PM. I know how badly you want to stay, but it is not good for you or your children... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenintn

He hasnt per say gotten violent he choked me once a few years ago. but nothing since. he is very controling tho.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

He's doing the drugs daily. My neighbors brother used the same drug. He said he couldn't go a day without it. My neighbor tried her best to straighten her brother out, but she ended up kicking him out and he is in his 50's. Her brother has been a life long addict.

Don't marry this guy. He has nothing to offer you. You need to leave.


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## brokenintn

well today it seems to be the blame game. and when he thought i was letting someone know what was going on in this personal hell he started throwing things and yelling at me. and said that when he left for work he was looking to leave me and find a place to go. and blamed me that it came down to that.


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## YinPrincess

brokenintn said:


> He hasnt per say gotten violent he choked me once a few years ago. but nothing since. he is very controling tho.


Really? You don't think choking you is violent??

Get counseling for yourself... Please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

So what's your question? You know what the problem is. Your fiancé. You know he's not a good husband, a good father, or a good man. He's 35 years old, and this is who he is. A controlling abusive meth head. 

So the question is, what are you going to do about it? First off, I'd recommend finding a lawyer that will work for you for free. You should qualify for legal aid. Talk to them about the deadbeat dad, too. No reason he should get off scott free too. Find out what your rights and obligations are, and what rights you have.

Btw, why are you even considering hooking you wagon to him? 
C


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## EleGirl

He's a tweeker, meth head. That means that the only thing he cares about are his drugs. He'll sell you and the kids if he needs some drugs.

Unfortunately I have way too much experience with tweekers as I have a family member who is one. I've had to end all contact with her. She has come to me for help over and over. Every time I've helped her she's ended running move me and the rest of the family. She has stolen a lot from me as well.

Until a meth head (and most addicts) do the work to change themself, they are not worth a moment of your time.

He is the example you are setting for your children. Do you really want your children to turn out like him?

Get away from this guy. 

D


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## brokenintn

I know chokeing is violent i just meant he doesnt beat me in a literal sence of abuse. He is verbally abusive. And i know this. I love him. IM hurt. I want to fix him. but i dont think i can. he only does it once or twice a year but boy when he does it he really does it.  I guess I just need help. He doesnt want me to leave and i dont think he is going to let me.


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## EleGirl

You cannot fix him. Look for some books on co-dependency. That's when a person puts the needs of others ahead of their own needs to the point of hurting themself. That's what you are doing.

It does not matter that he only does it once or twice a year. It is distorying your life and your children's life. It's also illegal. If the cops show up at your door and find his meth, you too can go to prison. YOu can lose your children as well.

You think you love him. I'm going to challenge you on this. My bet is that you love the idea of who you want him to be. But he keeps falling short. He's not who you think he is.

He does not love you and the children. If he did he would not do this to you all. He would not do something that will have you living on the street in a few days/weeks. He is incapable of really loving anyone because the drug owns him. 

My advise is that you get into counseling for domestic abuse. Most places have sliding scale and even no fee for people who cannot afford it.

He cannot keep you from leaving if you want to leave. So saying that he will not let you leave is nonsense. It's an excuse. Call up a domestic abuse hotline. Tell them about the drug use, the verbal and physical abuse. Tell them about him leaving you with out any money to pay the rent. They will give you a local number to call. The local place will send someone out to help you.

the are places that can help you and the children get way from him.

The one thing that might wake him up is hitting rock bottom. Maybe if you and the children left he'd finally do that and start taking his problem seriously.


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## strugglinghusband

brokenintn said:


> I know chokeing is violent i just meant he doesnt beat me in a literal sence of abuse. He is verbally abusive. And i know this. I love him. IM hurt. I want to fix him. but i dont think i can. he only does it once or twice a year but boy when he does it he really does it.  I guess I just need help. He doesnt want me to leave and i dont think he is going to let me.


Broke, run fast, run far, choking you once, is one time to many.
If he wont let you leave, call the cops for DV, he will get picked up and then get out, and leave him far behind.

No you cant fix him, only he can, he will drag you down, blaming you for EVERYTHING he can.


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## EleGirl

brokenintn,

I'm just checking in on you. Let us know how you are doing.


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## brokenintn

Im still here, cleaning up the mess he made trying to scrape up money to fix the bill he didnt pay....
I truly feel trapped, i dont really have a place to go if i do leave, i currently rely on his income to pay the bills as he wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I dont want to live forever wondering when the next time he will do it again. It rips my heart out everytime. Says he doesnt want me to leave,says that if i do then there will be no reason for him not to do the drug all the time. I cant be the person who holds him up and together all the time. that prevents him from doing the stuff all the time. Just makes me feel like i am here just to keep him from his stupid self.not because he loves me or needs me. I am not capable of being his rock when I dont have one myself. I dont know what if i am the only thing keeping him clean as long as he is. once or twice a year for the past 7 has been rough. but i dont want him to completley give into it , i care way more about him then he does me. Im afraid to leave. I am afraid of being alone. but I cant stay and i cant leave i feel twisted.


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## EleGirl

You are probably right that you cannot stay... you cannot stay in your apartment because you cannot pay the rent. So your husband has basically kicked you out of your home. Don't you get it? YOu have to leave. He's made it so you have to leave... with the cloths on your back most likely.

One of your problems in handling this is that you are looking at it the problems as one huge mountain. Then all you can see is that you have to move the mountain.

Only way you will move the mountain is one wheel barrel full at a time. So make a plan, a list of things you need to do. Then work through them one or two at a time. 

So what does your list look like? Here are some ideas. 
1)	Get food stamps EBT or whatever it’s called these days. You should be able to get enough for yourself and your children. It’s generally about $150 - $200 a person. When you are there to apply, ask what other assistance they have through their office. Can they help with rent? Utilities? A cell phone? Also ask them what food banks are available to you.

2)	Call domestic abuse place in your area and see if they can help you. Also search on the internet. There are places that take in women with children. Some of them will let you stay for months. They can help you get a job. They often have money to help the deposit and first month or so on an apartment.

3)	If you want to go back to school to get more job skills so you can earn more, look into that. Look into what kinds of assistance you can get from the state like food stamps. And also apply for state and federal financial aid. When you apply for federal financial aid, also apply for work study. At many colleges/universities you can get a job through them working 20 hours a weel.


4)	Go to Goodwill Industries in your town. They can help with finding a job and with money to for rent or emergency housing. See what services they have. 

5)	Tell your husband to check into a detox center NOW. If he does not get rid of the drugs he has right now, give you the money to help yourself and your children, and he checks in for help.. don’t come home.

What more can you think of to add to the list?


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## PBear

One of the things you can try to do right now is not giving him access to your cash. No bank card for him, no credit card, no signing authority on your bank account. 

But really, you're enabling his behaviour. And him saying you're the only reason he's not doing drugs on a regular basis is just a big guilt trip to keep your tied to him. If you had the magical ability to keep him from doing drugs, he obviously wouldn't be doing drugs at all, would he now? 

You should both be talking to Narcotics Anonymous or something similar to get some guidance.

C


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## MattMatt

brokenintn said:


> He hasnt per say gotten violent he choked me once a few years ago. but nothing since. he is very controling tho.


You do realise that's once to often?


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