# In the military, wife cheated, I'm crushed



## vic_mark (Aug 23, 2010)

I've been reading this forum for a while, and I feel for everyone who has posted on here. I guess I feel I want to share my story. Well here it goes, not as bad as some, but hurt is hurt...

I'm in the military and so is my wife. I have been in for about six years and so has she. We met five years ago in training and fell in love. She was never happy with the military. She was the "party" girl that was fun to go out with. Always a good time when you were at the bar or at a party. I instantly fell in love at 22, she was 25. She came from a bad girl background before joining the military, slept around, did drugs, drank a lot. She was open about all of it and I accepted her.

We feel in love and lived together for about three years. I guess looking back I see that things were f'ed up even back then. I see now that I am way too nice of a guy and always gave her what she wanted. She was beautiful and I was deeply in love. I guess I have always been the "relationship" guy. Well we got married and I gave her the wedding she wanted, even though I had doubts back then. She has anger issues, and lots of other issues, not that I'm perfect, just more solid emotionally than her. 

So during our first year of marriage we were separated for most of the time, me deployed and her. I really opened up to her when i was deployed, talked about having kids blah blah blah. When I got back from deployment after not seeing her for five months, she had lost a lot of weight and was acting very ****y. We went out to bars with friends and she "liked" the attention that other guys gave her, which lead to a few fights. I could tell things were different.

One day I noticed a new "friend" on facebook commenting on her bikini. Thought it was strange. Way lead to way and found out this guy had logged onto her computer. When she got home I confronted her. She confessed that while I was deployed she met this guy, went out with him and then had sex with him, multiple time, that night in my house and in my bed. She told me she was not drunk and knew what she was doing. Worst part is she was still talking to him through facebook after I got back.

Needless to say I was completely crushed. I was hurt because she cheated on my while I was gone (she said because she was lonely, no excuse I was way more lonely than her and I never thought about cheating) and she kept talking to this random guy even after I got back. We had been having sexual problems for years, making this even worse for me. I felt lower than I ever have in my life. She said she didn't have any desire to see him again, but i dont believe her. 

Well i didn't leave her right then and there. I did want to make things work. We went to counseling and all that jazz and I tried. But I never felt like she was trying to make it up to me. Am I wrong but I feel like if I was in her shoes I wound be groveling at her feet and doing anything I could to make things better? Well things were still about her after the fact and I still had to make her feel good. She definitely wasn't giving me 100%, which is what I needed. 

She also said that because I wasn't "giving her the impression that I wanted to stay with her" she was just not trying. What a load of crap. I shouldn't have to show her how much I want to be with her, should be the other way around. Well anyway, I left for a month to visit my family and when she dropped my off at the airport she was crying and what not, like she thought it was over. While I was away from her, not happy to admit but I did, I read her email. She had emailed an ex or her's and told him that she thinks her husband (me) is going to divorce her. Well I didn't really know what I was going to do but her total lack of confidence and inability to think about me during this situation is not helping. 

After a few weeks of thinking things through and dealing with my own emotions, I decided that I want a divorce. I see where things are going and they are not good. The other night I talked to her on the phone, she was all chipper and sh*t, and I told her because the conversation sort of deteriorated. I really didn't want to tell her I wanted a divorce over the phone but I bet its better now than never. 

I don't feel better after telling her. Not because I want to be with her but because I really dont want to be hurt again. Right now is the lowest I have ever felt in my life. 27 and divorced. I know things will be better in the future. Im good looking and sane. But still we are married and I'm afraid she will cheat while I'm still gone. I have been drinking every night, and am very depressed. I guess I have to face this head on. There is no easy way to get through it. I'm sure theres more to the story that I didn't cover, about how messed up she is, but im 8 beers and half a bottle of smironoff into the night. 

I think I will be ok. I have friends and family that love me. I just have a tough few months in front of me and like all of you out there that are going through the same thing, we'd rather not deal with it. 

In conclusion I feel for all of you. There is hope, as I know there will be hope for me. As I tell my self everyday, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! The only thing we can be accused of is caring too much. Anyway, maybe some of you will finish reading this, most probably will not. I feel better after writing this down. God bless you all, and please email me if you need any support. Thank you.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You are well rid of her. She impresses me (no contrition), that she will turn around and do it again. She is skank for what she has done to you. And you can be that she will be a serial cheater with anyone she with.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

I am sorry that you have to go through this. It is hard enough that you serve our country and have to deal with this nonsense.
First, thank you for serving. Please keep in mind your life is not over at 27 and you can now focus on yourself. The next time you are ready for a commitment, you will know what type of person that you are looking for. Trust me, there are plenty of women out there that would love a faithful and stable guy that wants to stay committed. It must be hard being in the service and having to leave your loved ones, but there are women who do stay faithful to their service men. 
Try to focus on yourself for now and let her do her thing. You just told her you wanted a divorce and she already emailed an ex. I imagine to get some comfort. You do not need your head messed up with that stuff. My aunt always says, a leopord never changes his spots and the same applies to her!
Good luck, stay focused and start thinking of what you need for yourself and what you need in a partner. The rest will fall into place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## willzy (Aug 4, 2010)

ugh, that's so harsh.

Go through with the divorce and don't look back. You're young with no kids - loads of time to enjoy life and find someone else. 

Best of luck to you


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

willzy said:


> ugh, that's so harsh.
> 
> Go through with the divorce and don't look back. You're young with no kids - loads of time to enjoy life and find someone else.
> 
> Best of luck to you


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Next time pick a relationship gal.


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## Devastated1 (Dec 7, 2009)

First, I want to say Thank You for your service.

Second, I agree with Willzy, divorce her and don't look back. You're young and from the sound of it you have a lot to offer someone. My husband could take a few lessons from you.

Third, stop drinking. It doesn't help. It's just a band-aid and your reality will still be there when you're sober. Drinking helps nothing and no one.

Post often, it helps.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Vic,

I married one of these, years ago. She's been through several marriages and relationships and she's still the party girl, still gorgeous, still cheap, still riding on her looks (which will be a short ride at this point). 

Point is, you have to accept people as they are. If you want a relationship with a faithful woman, kids, the picket fence, the whole bit, you need to find someone suitable for that role. Some folks are great choices for military service and some are unsuitable. Likewise, some folks make great wives and some make great party girls. If you want to make orange juice, you gotta start with an orange. 
There might be some clever hocus pocus you could weave to keep a ring on her finger a while longer, but she is what she is and what she is is dishonest, uncommitted, and unfaithful. There will be other deployments and separations in your future. I recommend dropping this one back off at the club. Life is too short and too uncertain to be miserable every day. I've been a soldier 29 years and I absolutely have to have a woman I can trust. Looks are great, but an "8" waiting at the gate for you beats hell out of a 
"10" who's God knows where, doing God knows what. When you're in the dirt, the last thing you need is worrying who slept in your bed last night. Better times are ahead. Thanks for serving. Sorry for your troubles. It aint fair, but what is?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Being 27 and divorced is not the end of the world. I was 24, with 2 kids, one literally a newborn, when my divorce was final. And I moved on, found a wonderful man who doesn't cheat or lie or anything else that my ex did. And once your divorce is final, you will move on and find a wonderful woman who will be thrilled to have a guy like you. 

She's shown you pretty clearly that she is going to cheat, no matter what. You went to visit your parents, and practically the first thing she did was email an old boyfriend. It's clear she's not happy unless she has a man whose attention is 100% focused on her. And no one can do that, so she'll always be seeking out other men for attention. It's not your fault; it's entirely hers. 

Don't be down on yourself. You're in the military (an instant draw for some women; those uniforms are hot  ); by your own admission you're rather attractive; you sound like a sweet, faithful, loving man. All qualities that will draw the right woman to you when the time is right.


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## Ravensno (Sep 3, 2010)

You Will Feel Better without her. It will make you the man you are. My son went through a horrible ordeal the night before he left for Iraq. His wife(now ex wife) got caught with a guy at the bar where they all went as a "send off" get together. Turns out the guy was actually a lover. How is that for a send off to War? It was horrible horrible horrible. he is remarried now. But, he tried and tried to make it work. He came home with a Purple Heart and a changed outlook on life. Please be strong and do what is best for you. This time, it should be all about you. make you happy now. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## Ravensno (Sep 3, 2010)

God Bless You, if I am allowed to say that. Stand and walk tall and proud. Just wanted to add that in to my previous post.


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