# Wife in psych ward, found out she has been cheating



## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

So my wife went nuts the other day, I mean over the top, screaming, hitting herself, threatening her child, the next day she ended up in the psych ward. I have since learned that what set her off is that she had cheated with a guy who was in town visiting a friend of hers, she thought there was more of a connection and the guy dumped her. This is not the first time she has cheated. Are marriage has been over for awhile, and we have stayed together for financial reasons, hers not mine. She has some mental issues, sees a shrink 2 times a week, and has not been able to work. I feel sorry for her and so I have stayed. But our agreement was not to screw around, I have not at all, and now I feel completely betrayed. I don't know if I have the energy left to wait for her to get out of the hospital, they are talking a couple weeks.

My first question? Do I let her know I found out and if so when do I tell her? Do I just pretend to support her emotionally until she is stable or do I just go no contact? I feel that she will be able to pick up on how I feel and may be able to assume I know. I am leaning towards just preparing to leave, get my own place, sever any joint accounts and bills. I don't want to be the guy that pushes her over the edge, but I have put up with her abusive behavior for too long. Is it calloused of me to be thinking of myself while she is locked up?


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

No, you need to walk away. Is it your child?


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

happy2gether said:


> No, you need to walk away. Is it your child?


No, not my child, I care a great deal about the child, she is a great kid


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you and your wife been married?

How old is the child?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You can tell her that you know what's up after she's been served w/ divorce papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> How long have you and your wife been married?
> 
> How old is the child?


We have been married 3 1/2 years, her daughter will turn 12 this month.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> You can tell her that you know what's up after she's been served w/ divorce papers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am thinking that is a good idea, maybe serve them while she is in the hospital, might keep her there a bit longer so I have more time to exit stage left


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How can you keep your wife in the hospital longer?


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> How can you keep your wife in the hospital longer?


I am guessing when she gets the divorce papers, she will freak out and they will not let her go, she was told to either go in voluntarily or with a police escort, they aren't going to be so quick to release her


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

1965spunky said:


> I am guessing when she gets the divorce papers, she will freak out and they will not let her go, she was told to either go in voluntarily or with a police escort, they aren't going to be so quick to release her


Did she go in voluntarily?

I doubt that you can have her served in the hospital. The staff would most likely not allow that. If you went to see her and handed her divorce papers, it would look very bad for you. 

If you want to divorce her, just do it without the dramatic games.

Who owns the house you live in? Would there be a dispute on who gets possession of it? Could you just leave?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

What on earth would be the point in staying? Rip the band aid off and move on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Check out your plans with her hospital doctors. 

And be there for her daughter.

You took her on as your responsibility after all. 

Is the father able to take over looking after her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Check out your plans with her hospital doctors.
> 
> And be there for her daughter.
> 
> ...


Father has custody and he would have problem having her full time. 

Good suggestion about checking with her doctors, my only fear is I might get sucked back in as her caretaker. Maybe they can get her in assistance or something


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

Jasel said:


> What on earth would be the point in staying? Rip the band aid off and move on.


I am concerned with her mental health, but I don't think it's my job to be her caretaker anymore, I am hoping the state steps in


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

1965spunky said:


> I am concerned with her mental health, but I don't think it's my job to be her caretaker anymore, I am hoping the state steps in


Any family members who can step in?

You need to work with the father to get his daughter into a safe, secure environment.

Fostering might be an option.

Do you have any legal responsibility for the daughter?

If not then there will be a limited amount that you can do, legally.

Check out your responsibilities with a lawyer who specialises in child custody and the like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

1965spunky said:


> I am thinking that is a good idea, maybe serve them while she is in the hospital, might keep her there a bit longer so I have more time to exit stage left


that seems a lot like kicking a man when he is down. Wait until she is more stable, then discuss your leaving with her.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

I'm all for ending the marriage, but as an FYI, you simply can't just sever all joint bank and other accounts. That will land you in a bit of trouble. When you separate, both parties are supposed to be under a sort of spending "restraining" order. 

Retain an attorney and do things the right way.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> that seems a lot like kicking a man when he is down. Wait until she is more stable, then discuss your leaving with her.


That's why he should discuss that with the medical staff. Revealing his intent to divorce in a controlled enviroment and under professional supervision could be favorable to revealing it at home when she is "stable".


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

She has cheated on you more than once, and is now so upset because the other guy dumped her. I would pack my bags too, and be gone. 

You were not married very long, life is to short for all that drama. Good luck


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> that seems a lot like kicking a man when he is down. Wait until she is more stable, then discuss your leaving with her.


She lost her shyte because her side piece broke it off. She isn't ever going to be "stable enough" to get divorced because she isn't stable, period.



rzmpf said:


> That's why he should discuss that with the medical staff. Revealing his intent to divorce in a controlled enviroment and under professional supervision could be favorable to revealing it at home when she is "stable".


I wouldn't discuss it with the medical staff. Their job is to look after their patient, not their patients soon-to-be exH. 

I think it might be a better idea to inform, rather than discuss. 

A sort of friend of mine was in the psych ward when her H finally had enough and decided to divorce. He informed her doctor, who then set up a meeting between himself, the other two professionals who were caring for the wife, the wife and the H. During the meeting, the H explained to his wife that he was done with the marriage because of infidelity (both sides), a whole host of other issues, and that his decision was final. He then gave her the papers and left her to her therapists.

OP, your wife is a serial cheater who seems to have some serious mental health issues. You want a divorce, but feel sorry for her. I understand feeling sorry for her, but the bottom line is that she is an adult and is, ultimately, responsible for herself.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

1965spunky said:


> We have been married 3 1/2 years, her daughter will turn 12 this month.


How old are the two of you?


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Send her a single blank index card to her funny farm address. Write a few simple letters on it

'Not my monkies, not my circus'

Then never communicate with her again. Your lawyer can direct you ways to help out the child but ONLY do this via the lawyer.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Talker67 said:
> 
> 
> > that seems a lot like kicking a man when he is down. Wait until she is more stable, then discuss your leaving with her.
> ...


I did call this morning and talked to her nurse, and revieled what I knew, and that her relationship with her child is very important and needs to be repaired. They were very surprised by what I told them, by their reaction I am sure she has spun this in a completely different direction. I don't think she is a serial cheater, I believe after tons of reading that she is a true narcissist, who uses her sexuality to ensnare men into doing what she wants, up until this guy, everyone says yes. She could not handle no and it brought her back to reality for a moment. I am going to leave it, not bring it up, and just begin quietly working on my divorce and exit from the home. When her doctors feel she is strong enough to handle the news, I will do it with him present if that is what he thinks is best. My own mental health is at stake here, and I need to move on.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> 1965spunky said:
> 
> 
> > We have been married 3 1/2 years, her daughter will turn 12 this month.
> ...


She is 34 and I am 50, had just got out of a 17 year relationship when I met her at church. The church actually encouraged us to be together!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Yep. You need to move on. And then you need to do some deep soul searching to understand why you chose to take on a mentally ill, emotionally disturbed woman with a child from another man. Did you feel like you needed to save her? Did you feel like you needed to step in and take over the running of her life? That is what you need to ask yourself. Because other people who have dealt with her are asking themselves the same thing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

1965spunky said:


> She is 34 and I am 50, had just got out of a 17 year relationship when I met her at church. The church actually encouraged us to be together!



Another cheating church lady. My my. 

Did you know she was mentally ill when you were dating and when you married her?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You aren't the Crazy Whisperer. Why would it be your moral obligation to financially or emotionally support some woman who wants some other guy? Drop her like a bad habit and she'll suddenly realize she can work and/or she will convincingly play the romance game until she traps another guy. If the church thinks she's so awesome, let them support her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> You aren't the Crazy Whisperer. Why would it be your moral obligation to financially or emotionally support some woman who wants some other guy? Drop her like a bad habit and she'll suddenly realize she can work and/or she will convincingly play the romance game until she traps another guy. *If the church thinks she's so awesome, let them support her*.


Involving the church? That might be possible and could be helpful.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Don't ruin your life because she is ruining hers. Cut her loose and move on. Make sure you get custody because crazy people hurt their kids.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?

And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> 1965spunky said:
> 
> 
> > She is 34 and I am 50, had just got out of a 17 year relationship when I met her at church. The church actually encouraged us to be together!
> ...


I knew that she had come from a situation where her father had sexually abused her sister and she was being groomed. She hid her illness very well, was taking meds I did not know about, in hindsight I should have snooped through her things and would have probably found them. But about 3 months after the marriage she stopped taking her meds and began using alcohol in place of them, she did get back on them eventually and things were good again, but then after an incident involving her former shrink, she began to over medicate, plus drink, and things began to slide. I never got involved with her to save her. She is a highly intelligent women, and when she is medicated properly she is a joy to be around. In 3 1/2 years for about a year and a half I have had "that" person in my life. Maybe why I hang on is I secretly believe she will get better, stay on her meds, and we could have a great life. Realistically I am begging to believe that will never happen.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


Her daughter has a great dad, and he has a very stable family life. Foster care will never happen. And I am not ready to cut and run, if that were the case, I would have been gone long ago. I have been standing by her, very supportive. It's just that I feel so betrayed by her lastest actions. She was planning on giving up all her parental rights, move to another state to be with a guy who finally admitted to her that all was looking for was a booty call whenever he came to visit our area. That is a serious lack of judgement, and I am concerned, is she getting worse? Or is it just a med issue. I guess only time will tell.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


After multiple affairs?

Sheesh.

Let her go, OP.

And make arrangements for the SD to go to her father.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

1965spunky said:


> Father has custody and he would have problem having her full time.


What does this mean?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

1965spunky said:


> *I knew that she had come from a situation where her father had sexually abused her sister and she was being groomed. *She hid her illness very well, was taking meds I did not know about, in hindsight I should have snooped through her things and would have probably found them. But about 3 months after the marriage she stopped taking her meds and began using alcohol in place of them, she did get back on them eventually and things were good again, but then after an incident involving her former shrink, she began to over medicate, plus drink, and things began to slide. I never got involved with her to save her. She is a highly intelligent women, and when she is medicated properly she is a joy to be around. In 3 1/2 years for about a year and a half I have had "that" person in my life. Maybe why I hang on is I secretly believe she will get better, stay on her meds, and we could have a great life. Realistically I am begging to believe that will never happen.


You knew the bolded. That is a pretty heavy load for her to be dealing with.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

1965spunky said:


> Her daughter has a great dad, and he has a very stable family life. Foster care will never happen. And I am not ready to cut and run, if that were the case, I would have been gone long ago. I have been standing by her, very supportive. It's just that I feel so betrayed by her lastest actions. She was planning on giving up all her parental rights, move to another state to be with a guy who finally admitted to her that all was looking for was a booty call whenever he came to visit our area. That is a serious lack of judgement, and I am concerned, is she getting worse? Or is it just a med issue. I guess only time will tell.


I think if you loved her, you would want to stay with her, or at least help her stabilize until she could be on her own.

I do think it is an act of love to free someone when you know you are not what they need. But I do not think you are coming from that place.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

1965spunky said:


> I knew that she had come from a situation where her father had sexually abused her sister and she was being groomed. She hid her illness very well, was taking meds I did not know about, in hindsight I should have snooped through her things and would have probably found them. But about 3 months after the marriage she stopped taking her meds and began using alcohol in place of them, she did get back on them eventually and things were good again, but then after an incident involving her former shrink, she began to over medicate, plus drink, and things began to slide. I never got involved with her to save her. She is a highly intelligent women, and when she is medicated properly she is a joy to be around. In 3 1/2 years for about a year and a half I have had "that" person in my life. Maybe why I hang on is I secretly believe she will get better, stay on her meds, and we could have a great life. Realistically I am begging to believe that will never happen.


It won't.

Look, if her latest squeeze hadn't rejected her, she'd be gone already.

That's clearly what she wants -- to be gone.

So help her w/ that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jld said:


> What does this mean?


I'm guessing there's supposed to be a "no" in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

OP, I didn't want to post here to you as this is in the CWI section and I don't post in here. I am not in a marriage of infidelity so I don't feel its respectful of me to tell someone that is experiencing it as I believe if you have not walked in someone shoes that has been cheated on in a marriage should be telling them what to do. 

But I saw your title and situation and that made me do it. I cant defend her cheating or tell you that is not a big deal. That is your issue and right to decide what you want to do in that. But your wife having mental issues and being in a ward I can speak on. I just got my wife home after some good amount of time in there. Its a tough situation to be in and very hard to see. I get it. But if you have any desire to stay with her I would look to see what is really going on. 

You can do therapy sessions with her and a therapist. She will probably be doing a lot of personal therapy on her own and group ones with others in there. I am sorry your wife cheated but it might be related to her battling something serious and this was her way to act out or punish herself and you. It could be a variety of reasons. Someone that is really ill like this is not thinking like the rest of us. I am not excusing her just giving you some insight.

Mine has some serious issues stemming from her teen years. I wont get into it as this is your thread but in a nutshell she had an abortion and didn't tell me (it was my kid) and tons of things that she did acting out to get me to leave. She feels no self worth. I have a step daughter in this too but her real father is a low life and not involved so its a little different. 

So what I am saying is if you want to be with her at all it will be tough but try and find out what demons she is dealing with. No one should be excused for cheating but it might be tied into something else. I hope things get better for you this is hard. I would also say no matter what you want to do please re think about serving her papers in there. No matter how mad you are over this or how crappy it is she cheated in the end this is a person that has real thoughts on taking her life. If anything talk to one of the therapists and doctors that you are wanting to leave so they can prepare or work on this. Just don't walk in there and serve them. She might have done some bad things to you but she doesn't deserve that.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?


For anyone interested, ^this^ is what entitlement looks like.

And did he actually say that she's a "pretty young thing"?

Or even pretty?

Not that it matters at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> For anyone interested, ^this^ is what entitlement looks like.
> 
> And did he actually say that she's a "pretty young thing"?
> 
> ...


50 yo married to a 34 yo. You are not naive, Gus.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jld said:


> I think if you loved her, you would want to stay with her, or at least help her stabilize until she could be on her own.
> 
> I do think it is an act of love to free someone when you know you are not what they need. But I do not think you are coming from that place.


Grossly unfair to the OP. While he may not have made a good choice of marriage partner, it doesn't mean that he should sacrifice the rest of his life for someone who does not want help. She voluntarily refuses to take the drugs that she needs to be sane. Clearly she has zero interest in doing what is right by the OP.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Grossly unfair to the OP. While he may not have made a good choice of marriage partner, it doesn't mean that he should sacrifice the rest of his life for someone who does not want help. She voluntarily refuses to take the drugs that she needs to be sane. Clearly she has zero interest in doing what is right by the OP.


Of course not. She is very weak. Do you think strong people have affairs?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jld said:


> Of course not. She is very weak. Do you think strong people have affairs?


I think everyone is capable of having an affair despite his/her emotional state at the time.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


Kinda harsh...no, very harsh. 

He got duped.
@jld Forget not....she is cheating on him. This is the ultimate transgression for most men and women. Are you different? If your husband or SO were cheating ON YOU, would you remain in the relationship?

The fact that she is mentally ill may mitigate her actions, causing the BH to forgive her [as she is not in her right mind....therefore, she gets a tepid moral pass]. Ok, YOU give her the pass. 
Do you then remain married to her? Why? For how long?

Child Problem:
The daughter is NOT his... unless he adopted her. 

He may find it very hard to take her as his own. The mother is still cognizant enough to fight for custody.

Yes, he should divorce her. Some people [OP] only see the good in people, gloss over the bad...to their detriment.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

The trouble with being a knight in shining armor coming in to rescue the damsel in distress, is that you're now stuck with a distressed damsel.

Look, you made a very bad choice in life partners. It happens ... ask me how I know?

You are only 3 1/2 years into this mess ... consult with your attorney, have him consult with her doctor and cut her out of your life in the quickest way the professionals feel is practical.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

personally I think the best thing to do is at least let her know what it is that you are planning as far as divorce goes. I'm sure that you're right and it will be a very high stressor for her but do it now while she is in the hospital. this way she will have people monitoring her and she will have support and help available. there will be better resources available to help her now than there will be when she is out. waiting until she is out may just send her right back in.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jld said:


> 50 yo married to a 34 yo. You are not naive, Gus.


Posted the wrong link.

Anyway, I can't find it at the moment, but I recall reading an article on the whole "youth vs beauty" thing a while back. The article referenced a study in which it was determined that, assuming a certain degree of overall attractiveness, men tend to prefer youth over beauty.

Unfortunately, it would seem that there are just as many articles based on studies that claim the opposite is true.

So it probably depends on the guy.

But who cares? I'm pretty sure that serial waywardness comes in pretty close to dead last in terms of attractive qualities.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Kinda harsh...no, very harsh.
> 
> He got duped.
> @jld Forget not....she is cheating on him.


I'm pretty sure that, in jld's world, if a woman is cheating on her husband; it's the man's fault.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Talk with her psychiatrist about your decision to leave and coordinate serving her with his recommendation.

You are free to make decisions based on what;s best for you, but basic compassion requires you to do it in as least a destructive way as possible. You are doing this not so much to punish or hurt her, but to save yourself. Also, there needs to be a plan on how to present all this to her daughter.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

As someone who has family members with personality disorders and mental health issues I'd seriously advise you to walk away. She has issues that she's been dealing with her entire life and will most likely be dealing with until the day she dies.

Her mental health and recovery is not your responsibility (it never was) and it should not be your burden to bear. I think you should really ask why you got in a relationship with her knowing her background and mental health history. I agree with whoever said that really comes off as KISA syndrome. 

The longer you stick around the more you set yourself up to damage your own mental health. There is never going to be a "right time" to file for divorce. And you'll always be able to find more reasons why you either shouldn't or why you should put it off for later.

Don't wait for her to recover and then drop the bomb that you're leaving her, which will most likely just set her back. I also think you should tell her why you're leaving so she doesn't think you're just bailing on her solely due to her mental health issues. 

She's cheated on you multiple times. There shouldn't even be a question of you leaving regardless of her mental health. You staying is not going to "fix" her. Her taking her meds, cutting the alcohol, regularly seeing a therapist, and owning her **** will do far more than you ever could.


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

As someone who has been through this exact scenario, I encourage you to walk away now. Let her know it is happening while she is in the hospital and tell her doctors so they can help her deal with it. Prolonging this situation will only prolong your agony and worsen your position from a legal/financial standpoint.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

Unicus said:


> Talk with her psychiatrist about your decision to leave and coordinate serving her with his recommendation.
> 
> You are free to make decisions based on what;s best for you, but basic compassion requires you to do it in as least a destructive way as possible. You are doing this not so much to punish or hurt her, but to save yourself. Also, there needs to be a plan on how to present all this to her daughter.


That is going to be very tough, presenting this to her daughter, on one hand, her daughter knows her mom needs help, on the other hand, I have always been the stable parent in the house when she is there. I feel that she will greatly miss that stability, and positive outlook that I carry with me.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

It is a tough spot, for sure. You seem to have feelings for the child, unfortunately her needs and yours are divergent. That's why I'd include the docs in all this so they can be available to all parties. The child will need help dealing with your loss, as well as the issues of living with an unstable mom. Hopefully, family therapy btwn the two of them is in the future (if it's not already in place).

Where's her dad in all this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

After reading all of this, I think it's a bad idea for you to stay for a while to get her stabilized. If you do that, she is very likely to fall apart when you do leave and will go through an emotional breakdown again.

Instead talk to her docs, letting them know that you are filing for divorce. Then file and leave.

Her ex can handle the issues with her daughter. It's just not your concern. You are not the child's parent and she has a good father.

If you stay to stabilize her, you are starting a pattern of enabling. She will learn to use her mental state to entrap you into being her crutch. So get out before this happens.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
psych ward usually implies a serious problem. Has she been diagnosed with a mental illness? There is a big difference between upset / angry and mental illness.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

OP, I wont muddy up your thread anymore but just want a simple question answered. All things going on aside do you have any desire to stay married? Or are you wanting the divorce and leave? Regardless what I or anyone tell you on here there is no correct response its up to your personal choice. But if you want to leave than meet with her doctors and get them involved and move forward.

But if you want to stay do it if you really want to be with her. Don't do it for your step child or fear of her being in there. Those are the wrong reasons in this case and it wont help you or her in the long run. But if you want to give it a go than that is totally different but you need to really know that is what you want to do. This is something you cant give anything less than 100%


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> psych ward usually implies a serious problem. Has she been diagnosed with a mental illness? There is a big difference between upset / angry and mental illness.


She has been diagnosed with complex PTSD and possibly DID. Based on what I have observed, not that I am a clinical person, but I think she actually has narcissistic personality disorder with PTSD. She uses her sexuality to get from people what she wants, everyone in her life that she has shunned is a narcissist, she believes that she is destined for greatness and that she is smarter than everyone in the room, she takes a no from anyone as a personal attack, she is constantly worried about her appearance even though she rarely strays from home. She believes that any opinion that does not completely agree with her is criticism. The DID come from the fact that she says that she has times where she loses time and does not remember what transpired. I have had arguments with her where, reality vs what she thinks happened are completely different. She was relating one a few weeks ago to a person who was actually there at the time of the argument, this person turned to me later and said "what the f*** was that load of bulls***


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm wondering how the hell she even has custody of a child.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

Jasel said:


> I'm wondering how the hell she even has custody of a child.


She doesn't just visitation


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

1965spunky said:


> She has been diagnosed with complex PTSD and possibly DID. Based on what I have observed, not that I am a clinical person, but I think she actually has narcissistic personality disorder with PTSD. She uses her sexuality to get from people what she wants, everyone in her life that she has shunned is a narcissist, she believes that she is destined for greatness and that she is smarter than everyone in the room, she takes a no from anyone as a personal attack, she is constantly worried about her appearance even though she rarely strays from home. She believes that any opinion that does not completely agree with her is criticism. The DID come from the fact that she says that she has times where she loses time and does not remember what transpired. I have had arguments with her where, reality vs what she thinks happened are completely different. She was relating one a few weeks ago to a person who was actually there at the time of the argument, this person turned to me later and said "what the f*** was that load of bulls***


DID is a very serious diagnosis, OP. It makes a lot of sense considering the abuse your wife suffered as a child at the hands of her father.

It takes a very patient and dedicated spouse to help someone like this. Here is an example of one:

https://samruck2.wordpress.com/

From Sam's blog:

_"Dissociative identity disorder can develop when *a very young child is traumatized over a long period of time*. A second key component in the causation of d.i.d. is *the lack of a loving, primary attachment figure who can help the traumatized child heal and reframe the trauma*. At a basic level the disorder causes the personality to be dissociated, fractured, or ‘broken.’ Instead of an assimilated personality that reflects a lifetime of learning to balance differing perspectives and desires within a person, the personality becomes a mishmash of traits and needs that can go dormant or are pursued independently by the various ones in the d.i.d. network."_

If you are not ready to undertake the care and responsibility that Sam has, then it would be best for your wife if you would divorce her.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

1965spunky said:


> She doesn't just visitation


Then why isn't your SD already with her father? Who has primary custody?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> Then why isn't your SD already with her father? Who has primary custody?
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


He said further above that the SD is with her father and that the father has primary custody.



1965spunky said:


> Father has custody and he would have {no} problem having her full time.
> 
> Good suggestion about checking with her doctors, my only fear is I might get sucked back in as her caretaker. Maybe they can get her in assistance or something


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By jld*
> It takes a very patient and dedicated spouse to help someone like this
> If you are not ready to undertake the care and responsibility that Sam has, then it would be best for your wife if you would divorce her.


I think that Spunky answered the question about his ability to be the hero for his wife. See below post by Spunky




> *By Spunky*
> My own mental health is at stake here, and I need to move on.



Some men love to be the hero that we see in the movies. However, reality has a way of letting us know that somethings are way beyond our abilities. *In spunky’s case he has to save himself so that he can be of use to himself and someone else in the future.* Spunky’s spunk is depleted and his mental health is in danger. If his mental health falls then he will be no good to himself or anyone else.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

jld said:


> 1965spunky said:
> 
> 
> > She has been diagnosed with complex PTSD and possibly DID. Based on what I have observed, not that I am a clinical person, but I think she actually has narcissistic personality disorder with PTSD. She uses her sexuality to get from people what she wants, everyone in her life that she has shunned is a narcissist, she believes that she is destined for greatness and that she is smarter than everyone in the room, she takes a no from anyone as a personal attack, she is constantly worried about her appearance even though she rarely strays from home. She believes that any opinion that does not completely agree with her is criticism. The DID come from the fact that she says that she has times where she loses time and does not remember what transpired. I have had arguments with her where, reality vs what she thinks happened are completely different. She was relating one a few weeks ago to a person who was actually there at the time of the argument, this person turned to me later and said "what the f*** was that load of bulls***
> ...


It's not that I am not ready, I have been struggling with this for sometime, I have been very supportive, I cannot count the times I would come home after a 13 hour day, and sit and listen to her talk all night, never getting to bed before I had to return to work, among many other things. But, now it is starting to impact my relationships, my children are all much older, one refuses to talk to me, the other two are constantly worried about me. My family holds their breath when they hear that she maybe coming to a family event, and breath a huge sigh of relief that she doesn't, and then tell me privately that they considered not going. None of my friends want to be around me, because of her behavior. She refuses to follow any treatment plan developed by anyone, and instead claims she knows better. I just believe that she is so far from a healthy insistence, that I don't have the time, grandchildren for me are just a few short years away, and I want to enjoy that time in my life, not worry what might happen or not happen, as I said in my first post, am I wrong to think about myself?


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

Mr Blunt said:


> > *By jld*
> > It takes a very patient and dedicated spouse to help someone like this
> > If you are not ready to undertake the care and responsibility that Sam has, then it would be best for your wife if you would divorce her.
> 
> ...


? thank you, I think that's what I need, encouragement that it is ok to worry about myself, before it's too late


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Am I wrong to think about myself?


You better worry about yourself and then take action for your betterment. Who else is going to look out for you with as much concern and action as you? It is very obvious that your wife is not going to think about you. In fact she is destroying you.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I think it is foolish at this point to believe that she was just groomed by her father. I think she got blasted by him. Have you den any reading about CSA. It is one thing to say she has DID or NPD it is another to question why and how this why plays out in her life. 

Your marriage seems to be based on her daddy issues due to severe CSA. If so then you are actually part of the problem and need to let go. Yes, you are part of the problem because you are her husband and an authority figure and that person (due to CSA) is always a problem, regardless of the "who" is. Make sure her doctors know her full history and you intend to divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

1965spunky said:


> ? thank you, I think that's what I need, encouragement that it is ok to worry about myself, before it's too late


You do need to worry about yourself. Often times the mentally ill drag down everyone around them. 

She's an adult. At some point the responsibility is on her to get her act together and not use her mental illness as an excuse for everything.

If she will not take responsibility for her issues, then you cannot help her anyway. You cannot help someone who does not really want your help. Instead she will only pull you further down.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Go. Ask the kids dad if it's ok to stay in the kids life particularly during the transition. I suspect he will welcome any stability and positive attitude around his child. 

Then start to rebuild your own family relationships that have been damaged by this woman.

I never allow negative people to stay in my life. It's far too distructive and its pernicious - you won't realize the extent of your psychic de-evolution because it's gradual.

Move on knowing you already put in more than enough time. Her reason for institutionalization are outrageous! Because her boy toy broke it off - ugh!

I always used to say "crazy put me through college" cause my dad was in the crazy business. He's the one who taught us kids that we have no control over others and are solely responsible for our own well being and happiness. Good advice IMO. Btw I'm no kid anymore -I'm a couple years older than you so listen to your elders


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Whilst mental illness like your wife has is not contagious, those living with a person like your wife can develop their own mental health disorders, often stress-related.

You are right to consider your own mental health and wellbeing.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Get things in order now whilst she is out of the house. 

I cannot explain this enough. Despite her issues what has she truly done in regards to seeking treatment.

You are not responsible for somebodies behavour, nor should you be their doormat.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I would tell her but perhaps in a public place and perhaps with a friend nearby. No one should have to tolerate what you are going through and she has not been able to figure out her self-destructive streak.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

1965spunky said:


> Her daughter has a great dad, and he has a very stable family life. Foster care will never happen. And I am not ready to cut and run, if that were the case, I would have been gone long ago. I have been standing by her, very supportive. It's just that I feel so betrayed by her lastest actions. She was planning on giving up all her parental rights, move to another state to be with a guy who finally admitted to her that all was looking for was a booty call whenever he came to visit our area. That is a serious lack of judgement, and I am concerned, is she getting worse? Or is it just a med issue. I guess only time will tell.


 Well from what your saying, then the kids dad is also a nice guy besides being a good dad. If he has custody then it's his responsibility to take care of his daughter and if you get along with him then extend a glad hand to him and let him know that you'll help him if needed.

As far as your wife goes, she showed her true colors and it's time you cut her ass loose and move on ASAP. Stop feeling sorry for her. She sure as hell doesn't care about your feelings.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

I want to thank everyone who responded. Between work and my ability to not sleep, I have been awake for 2 days, but a very productive 2 days. I took each of your words very seriously, some of you echoed the pain I had, some of you echoed the anger I have, some the compassion and some realism. Hearing other say it in their own words has helped me to sort out my feelings and to give me greater clarity. I have a plan that will allow me a safe exit from this marriage, but at the same time not undercut or damage her recovery. I can see my path as clear as day, and I am excited about following it through. It does include divorce, it does include a peaceful departure to our own abodes, it does include me getting help to repair the damage I have substained, but it does not include any revenge or cruelty towards her. I am not looking to be her friend and have no desire for that to be apart of my future, she feels that way as well and I am going to encourage those feelings as we move forward. Unfortunately, that will end my relationship with her daughter for the time being, but that will be best for everyone involved. I am glad I found this site, it has helped me more than of you will ever know, I see a future. Thanks!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just be thankful that you were able to be there for her daughter as a second male stabalising influence even if it was only for a short time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Just to confirm, you have spoken to the hospital staff and explained the CSA, your experiences, and your decsion to divorce? This is the only thing you owe her, if this is done move on hard avd fast.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> After reading all of this, I think it's a bad idea for you to stay for a while to get her stabilized. If you do that, she is very likely to fall apart when you do leave and will go through an emotional breakdown again.
> 
> Instead talk to her docs, letting them know that you are filing for divorce. Then file and leave.
> 
> ...



I absolutely agree with this post.

GTFO of this mess now. It will be healthier for everyone involved.


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## sparrow55 (Apr 23, 2016)

Eagle3 said:


> OP, I didn't want to post here to you as this is in the CWI section and I don't post in here. I am not in a marriage of infidelity so I don't feel its respectful of me to tell someone that is experiencing it as I believe if you have not walked in someone shoes that has been cheated on in a marriage should be telling them what to do.
> 
> But I saw your title and situation and that made me do it. I cant defend her cheating or tell you that is not a big deal. That is your issue and right to decide what you want to do in that. But your wife having mental issues and being in a ward I can speak on. I just got my wife home after some good amount of time in there. Its a tough situation to be in and very hard to see. I get it. But if you have any desire to stay with her I would look to see what is really going on.
> 
> ...


Aka whiteknighting.

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

sparrow55 said:


> You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm


I am stealing this. Love it.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

sparrow55 said:


> Aka whiteknighting.
> 
> You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm


E3 is devoted to his wife. I find his love and commitment to her inspiring.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Yep. You need to move on. And then you need to do some deep soul searching to understand why you chose to take on a mentally ill, emotionally disturbed woman with a child from another man. Did you feel like you needed to save her? Did you feel like you needed to step in and take over the running of her life? That is what you need to ask yourself. Because other people who have dealt with her are asking themselves the same thing.


White knight, captain save a h0e syndrome runs deep in some men. So many churches pressure men to "man up" and take on these train wreck women. Thank God the kid has a good man as a father that can fill the void. 

I know most men that remarry after a divorce go younger for wife #2 but the 16 year difference may have clouded your judgement. 
I'm sure this woman displayed warning signs but tapping that young thing kept you from thinking clearly.

Either way, you need to cut your losses. No need to be a martyr.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

1965spunky said:


> I want to thank everyone who responded. Between work and my ability to not sleep, I have been awake for 2 days, but a very productive 2 days. I took each of your words very seriously, some of you echoed the pain I had, some of you echoed the anger I have, some the compassion and some realism. Hearing other say it in their own words has helped me to sort out my feelings and to give me greater clarity. I have a plan that will allow me a safe exit from this marriage, but at the same time not undercut or damage her recovery. I can see my path as clear as day, and I am excited about following it through. It does include divorce, it does include a peaceful departure to our own abodes, it does include me getting help to repair the damage I have substained, but it does not include any revenge or cruelty towards her. I am not looking to be her friend and have no desire for that to be apart of my future, she feels that way as well and I am going to encourage those feelings as we move forward. Unfortunately, that will end my relationship with her daughter for the time being, but that will be best for everyone involved. I am glad I found this site, it has helped me more than of you will ever know, I see a future. Thanks!


Are you interested in staying the life of your SD? If so, I would communicate that to her. Right now she has little say, but in the future she could ask to have visitation with you.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> *And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?*


You have a reading comprehension issue and a whole bunch of assumptions not driven by any evidence to make that statement.

The OP stated that the girl's father has primary custody. No reason for her to stay.

If that wasn't the case, she still has a good chance of not going into foster care. First they will try to track down grandparents, uncles, adult siblings and adult cousins to see if any would take her in. They will make one of those willing to take her a "foster parent" but one of those is far from being in the system with strangers. They are people known to her and people who already love her.

With none of those available, step parents are considered. One of my uncles ended up with full custody of his step-son. Dad had already been declared an unfit parent years prior. Then mom went the way of OP's wife - cheating and committed to the mental healthcare system. My uncle became the foster parent to the kid until he turned 18. Step-son stayed 3 more years after while going to college and they have a great relationship to this day.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

1965spunky said:


> I did call this morning and talked to her nurse, and revieled what I knew, and that her relationship with her child is very important and needs to be repaired. They were very surprised by what I told them, by their reaction I am sure she has spun this in a completely different direction. I don't think she is a serial cheater, I believe after tons of reading that she is a true narcissist, who uses her sexuality to ensnare men into doing what she wants, up until this guy, everyone says yes. She could not handle no and it brought her back to reality for a moment. I am going to leave it, not bring it up, and just begin quietly working on my divorce and exit from the home. When her doctors feel she is strong enough to handle the news, I will do it with him present if that is what he thinks is best. My own mental health is at stake here, and I need to move on.


I am not sure what she is in for...but it certainly sounds like Bipolar behavior. Is this what the medical staff are saying? 

If you google "bipolar cheating" you get a whole list of things to consider, like: "I really don’t think it is about love or passion, it is all about the moment. It boils down to “feeling good” and then “feeling better” and then “WOW! Freaking awesome!” It’s about hyper-sexual feelings _*and lacking any real moral sense of right and wrong.*_ It is not about love. It’s about illness."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


Fortunately as the father has full custody, that is not a consideration.

But foster care v living with a mentally ill and potentially dangerous parent? 

Foster care wins by a length. IMO.


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## 1965spunky (Jun 9, 2016)

larry.gray;15896633
Are you interested in staying the life of your SD? If so said:


> I am to a degree, I want her to know how to get in touch with me as she grows older. There may come a time where she may need clarity or answers about this time in her life. I know a guy who would love to go back and questions those people who were around during a pretty traumatic time in his life, I would have no problem being that resource if she ever needed it.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

1965spunky said:


> I think she actually has narcissistic personality disorder with PTSD.


Spunky, I agree that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., grandiose, sexually promiscuous, conceited, and hostile reaction to mild disagreements -- are classic warning signs for NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your W has full-blown NPD but, rather, that she may exhibit strong traits of it.

If so, don't expect her therapists to tell you about it. Generally, therapists are loath to tell a narcissist or a BPDer the name of her disorder. Hence, relying on HER therapist to supply that information would be as foolish as relying on HER attorney to give you candid legal advice during the divorce. Like an attorney, her therapists are ethically bound to protect HER best interests, not yours. 

This means that, whenever NPD or BPD may be involved, your best chance of obtaining a candid professional opinion is to obtain a second opinion from your own psychologist -- who will be ethically bound to protect your best interests. If you are interested, I discuss that withholding of information in greater detail at Loath to Diagnose.



> Possibly DID.... the DID comes from the fact that she says that she has times where she loses time and does not remember what transpired.


Perhaps you are correct to suspect DID. Statistically speaking, however, the dissociative behaviors you describe are far more likely to be warning signs for BPD (Borderline PD). Whereas the incidence of DID is generally estimated to be 1% (or much less) in the general population, that of BPD is believed to be 6%. 

I mention BPD because one of its 9 defining symptoms is _"Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or *severe dissociative symptoms*, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality."_ Because BPDers are too immature to handle stress well, they tend to frequently escape the room through day dreaming, which is a mild form of dissociation. 

We all do this to some degree. Do you recall the time you were driving and suddenly realized you could not recall seeing ANYTHING during the prior ten minutes -- not even the three red-light intersections you passed through? And do you recall the time you went to the kitchen to get food and, on opening the refrigerator door, you could not recall what you were intending to get? 

Well, both of these examples describe instances of dissociation, i.e., the conscious mind's _detachment from reality_ (NOT a _loss of reality_, which refers to psychosis). When you were in the car, your subconscious was driving you safely through three intersections while your conscious mind was daydreaming a thousand miles away. And, when you were headed to the refrigerator, your subconscious was guiding you safely around the furniture and over two dogs while -- again -- your conscious mind was daydreaming elsewhere.

I mention these two examples to emphasize that a woman doesn't need to have DID to do dissociation. Indeed, normal people typically do mild dissociation numerous times every day. What sets the BPDers apart in this respect, then, is that they do it much more frequently and intensely than the rest of us. This is why, when BPDers seek treatments such as DBT and CBT, one of the very first emotional skills that will be taught to them is "mindfulness" -- i.e., how to remain present in the room without escaping into daydreams.



> I have had arguments with her where, reality vs what she thinks happened are completely different.


Likewise, I had numerous arguments with my BPDer exW wherein she completely misrepresented an argument or discussion we had had only a day earlier. And she was absolutely convinced that her distorted recollection was accurate. This behavior is so well known to the abused partners of BPDers that they have given it a name: "rewriting history." This is one of the reasons BPD is said to be a "thought distortion."

I caution that, if your W really does exhibit strong BPD traits, this would NOT rule out her also having several other serious issues. On the contrary, the vast majority of people who have one full-blown personality disorder also have one or two others as well. 

On top of that, they typically also have at least one of the "clinical disorders" (e.g., PTSD, GAD, or bipolar) too. With respect to BPD, for example, a recent study of nearly 35,000 American adults found that 32% of female BPDers also exhibit full-blown NPD. And 47% of female BPDers exhibit full-blown PTSD at some point in their lifetimes. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

This is why a psychiatrist typically prescribes medications to BPD and NPD sufferers. Although meds won't make a dent in their PD symptoms, these meds are targeted to the co-occurring clinical disorders.

Spunky, if you're interested in reading more about BPD red flags, I suggest you take a quick look at my list at _*18 BPD Warning Signs*_. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in _*Maybe's Thread*_. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your W's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her. Take care, Spunky.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Uptown said:


> Spunky, I agree that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., grandiose, sexually promiscuous, conceited, and hostile reaction to mild disagreements -- are classic warning signs for NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your W has full-blown NPD but, rather, that she may exhibit strong traits of it.
> 
> If so, don't expect her therapists to tell you about it. Generally, therapists are loath to tell a narcissist or a BPDer the name of her disorder. Hence, relying on HER therapist to supply that information would be as foolish as relying on HER attorney to give you candid legal advice during the divorce. Like an attorney, her therapists are ethically bound to protect HER best interests, not yours.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Plus many therapists are unable to offer any meaningful assistance with what are not psychological disturbances but rather are psychiatric ailments.

It would be similar to going to a sports masseuse and asking them to do surgery on a damaged tendon. 

Way beyond their pay grade.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Did she go in voluntarily?
> 
> I doubt that you can have her served in the hospital. The staff would most likely not allow that. If you went to see her and handed her divorce papers, it would look very bad for you.
> 
> ...


With her mental problems, it may actually be BEST for her to get served where there are professional support people who can help her if/when she mentally decompensates over the news.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

you and her are adults. you get to live in whatever mess takes your fancy, you owe each other nothing.....

...what you do owe is a decent life for your kid.

Abusive homes are bad for kids.
Do what is right for the child, they have no choice but to rely on you.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

jld said:


> So you got involved with a pretty young thing and then were shocked, just shocked, to find out she has emotional/psychological issues? And now that the path will not be smooth sailing, you are ready to cut and run?
> 
> And you are okay to let the daughter go into foster care?


Repeatedly cheating is more that just "not smooth sailing".
It's a type of abuse against her husband, it is a violation of the marriage, AND a violation of their agreement after her previous cheating. 

I detect a snarky undertone to your post which, if I were the OP, would find quite offensive. I'll leave it to him if he wants to call you on it.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Uptown said:


> I mention BPD because one of its 9 defining symptoms is _"Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or *severe dissociative symptoms*, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality."_ Because BPDers are too immature to handle stress well, they tend to frequently escape the room through day dreaming, which is a mild form of dissociation.


Many use socially acceptable dissociations.
Religion, total immersion in work/projects, reading, magazine, celebrity lifestyles, TV or movie franchises. 
Anything where the constructed reality is more valuable and "accurate" than real life. Like many such of the lower end "common behaviours", some is favourable, but when rejection of real consequences occurs in favour of the re-written fantasy there will be detriment.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> After reading all of this, I think it's a bad idea for you to stay for a while to get her stabilized. If you do that, she is very likely to fall apart when you do leave and will go through an emotional breakdown again.
> 
> Instead talk to her docs, letting them know that you are filing for divorce. Then file and leave.
> 
> ...


+1


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

spotthedeaddog said:


> you and her are adults. you get to live in whatever mess takes your fancy, you owe each other nothing.....
> 
> ...what you do owe is a decent life for your kid.
> 
> ...


The child is not his child. The girl's father as custody. The mother only has visitation.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The child is not his child. The girl's father as custody. The mother only has visitation.


Which as she threatened her daughter should be stopped for at least a period of time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Fortunately as the father has full custody, that is not a consideration.
> 
> But foster care v living with a mentally ill and potentially dangerous parent?
> 
> Foster care wins by a length. IMO.



Not in my experience with the system. Yes there are some loving bonded foster families but more often then not, they are earning a paycheck by fostering kids.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend foster care unless the child's life was in danger.


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