# Am I Too Aggressive?



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Dh and I have been married for 10 years. For the first half of our marriage our sex life was almost non existent because of me. I had intimacy issues and relationship issues stemming from an abusive childhood and had a very stubborn and arrogant streak. I've also been on anti depressants since my teens and that had an effect on my libido. I admit too that I was entirely naive about male sexuality and thought all men just used women for their own pleasures and that deep down all men were bad and not to be trusted, that all men will hurt and betray. To me sex was just another way for men to dominate, so I avoided it as much as possible. My poor husband was very very frustrated.

It was only in the last few years, after we had two children, that I had an awakening. I don't know how or why, I just did. My inhibitions fell away and I became very sexual. Almost too sexual. And now I think that its becoming a problem. For the past little while, sex with hubs hasn't been all that great. He just doesn't seem that into it and I always have to initiate. I've taken to using vibrators and I think he is intimidated by that. He doesn't get as hard or last as long as he used to. A few nights ago, I gave him a really good BJ, to completion. His usual refactory period is only about 15 mins but after that, he couldn't get going again. That night, I had new lingerie and a new toy and lube that I'd ordered online and I had been aggressive with him. I went to the washroom and when I came back he had porn up on the ipad. I don't mind porn usually, but this time he was using it to get hard again and it pissed me off. I said "what? am I not enough?" and then he started fussing that he was useless to me as he was. I said it was fine and normal, just give it some more time, rest and don't worry about it. Eventually things got back on track but I know he wasn't in to it. 
So last night I came out of the shower and walked into the room naked and he was lying in bed, covered up and watching sports videos in the ipad. I snuggled up to him and we were cuddling, things seemed to be going well. Then the phone rang and I had to answer. I got a bit of bad news and was on the phone for about 5-7 mins. When I came back he was all covered up again and yawning. I was still nude and knelt on the bed, briefly told him the gist of the phone convo and then told him that I was still interested in him. He gave me this funny look and said "well, I'm afraid to say no, you're towering over me" I said he's always free to say no. So he said he wasn't in the mood and apologized. Then he kept asking if I was mad at him. I was, but I said no. I said "think of all the times I turned you down, you are entitled to turn me down". I felt that he knew I was upset from the phone call, that he should have WANTED to be with me and make me feel better, but he was just thinking of himself. 
Another part of the problem is that he is starting to go to the gym again. He really needs to lose weight, but he is only interested in weight training. He wants to bulk up so he is taking all kinds of supplements and vitamins. He is complaining about being tired all the time, since he gets up extra early to go to the gym in the mornings and then works late. So he hasn't been into sex much because by 9-10 pm he's exhausted. But I thought that weight training increased testosterone....shouldn't he be MORE horny now?

I did some reading and found that some men don't like sexually aggressive women. Well, that's what I am. If I waited for him to come on to me, I am afraid to guess how long I'd have to wait. He always tells me how hot I am, loves my boobs and butt, my red hair and freckles. Likes to talk about sex in general. But when it comes to making the move its always up to me and now it seems like our old roles are totally reversed. Any insight into what the hell is going on here?:scratchhead:


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

How old is he? If he's mid 30's or later, he could just be seeing his libido dropping. It happens. And while weight training could help, it doesn't always make a difference.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

We are both in our early 30's, he is a little bit younger than me.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

It is possible he's concerned about your drive or intimidated by it. Especially if he's aware of your past.

Have you asked him what's up?

Also, is it possible the news you got on the phone upset him too?


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

When I ask him, he says he is just so tired all the time. I'm somewhat concerned about this diet and supplement plan he's put himself on and I think he should go to the Dr, but he won't. 

I don't think he would be upset by the phone call, it had nothing to do with him. 

I don't get this. I'm young and hot...LOL...I shouldn't *have* to do all the pursuing. He talks a good game but when it comes down to it, if I didn't make the first move, we'd be sexless.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> Dh and I have been married for 10 years. For the first half of our marriage our sex life was almost non existent because of me. I had intimacy issues and relationship issues stemming from an abusive childhood and had a very stubborn and arrogant streak. I've also been on anti depressants since my teens and that had an effect on my libido. I admit too that I was entirely naive about male sexuality and thought all men just used women for their own pleasures and that deep down all men were bad and not to be trusted, that all men will hurt and betray. To me sex was just another way for men to dominate, so I avoided it as much as possible. My poor husband was very very frustrated.


Mrs. Lake,

This might be your key. You have been treating him badly in the past, and maybe you have been denying him sex too much, that he began to resent you.

Have you apologized for your past behavior? Have you told your husband that it was wrong for you to punish him for what other person did?

Have you said you're sorry for what you did, and have you told him that you'll make amends to him for past wrongdoings?

And why should he feels horny all the times for you now, considering what you have been in the past?

I mean, you've been so sex-hating back then, and suddenly now you're wanting sex. It could've messed your hubby's head.

Now you want to have sex with him, which is good, he should be thankful, maybe that's what you think.

But does he think the same way?

Communicate with him, Mrs. Lake. That's for the best.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Mrs. Lake,
> 
> This might be your key. You have been treating him badly in the past, and maybe you have been denying him sex too much, that he began to resent you.
> 
> ...



But that was *years* ago. We went from no sex, to once or twice a week to me becoming a nympho over the course of 4-5 years. Could he seriously still be resenting/reacting to the way things were in our early marriage? That's ludicrous! That would be like me going on a shopping binge now because he used to spend too much when we were broke back then. 

I feel like something has changed with him since *I* changed. And I don't know what to do about it.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> But that was *years* ago. We went from no sex, to once or twice a week to me becoming a nympho over the course of 4-5 years. Could he seriously still be resenting/reacting to the way things were in our early marriage? That's ludicrous!


With the complexities of human mind, anything is possible. Some people could actually keep their resentments alive for years, especially if they think the parties which wronged them never sincerely apologized.



> I feel like something has changed with him since *I* changed. And I don't know what to do about it.


That's why, you should communicate with him. That's why I asked, have you apologized for your past behavior? A sincere apology could open many doors, both in politics and in human relations. Find out what's been bothering him. If it's resentment for your past behavior, at least what you need to do is just an apology.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> With the complexities of human mind, anything is possible. Some people could actually keep their resentments alive for years, especially if they think the parties which wronged them never sincerely apologized.
> 
> 
> .


I guess I can see that. Maybe he is feeling used, the way I was back then? I had not thought of it like that....


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> I guess I can see that. Maybe he is feeling used, the way I was back then? I had not thought of it like that....


That is why, Mrs. Lake, you should communicate with him. Find out what's inside his head. If it's resentments because he is feeling used.. but he still loves you dearly.. then I am sure an apology and making amends will do the trick. 

Come on, I am sure you two could work it out. And you two better get going, lest he is getting too old and his equipment start creaking  (sorry, bad jokes).

I wish you the best!


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

If I may take a stab at this... I would not be surprised if your husband is now confused and resentful. Maybe the bottom line is that he is resentful because no matter what - sex appears to be always on YOUR terms. You probably brow beat him during the first 5 or so years of marriage and he felt resentful because you refused to be intimate with him. Then he probably felt irritated because you were "throwing him some bones" by having sex once a week. Now...he's probably irritated because he feels pressured to give you sex on demand. If it was me, I'd be elated with the new you. If you were my wife I'd be pounding you all the time...

But your husband doesn't sound like me. I also have not lived in your husband shoes. But if I had to venture a guest, I would say that he resents you because throughout the entire marriage, sex as always been based on your wants, your needs, your desires and your libido. 

Did you ever ask him what he would want? What does HE like? What would please HIM????

My initial take is you are a selfish person.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Really, I'm not selfish....I can just be terribly stupid when it comes to seeing another's point of view. Not that I don't want to, it just never occurs to me until it is spelled out in short words. LOL


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You might just have to have an open discussion with him about it. After years of being rejected he might have just lost any interest in even trying with you. He might even think there's something wrong with him or you weren't ever attracted to him to begin with and were just looking for someone to marry. That would be my line of thinking.

Or could be something health related. That's why communicating is key.


----------



## MrDarkDream (Jan 12, 2013)

If he's watching porn instead of you he might have gotten used to getting his satisfaction from that source. You should be able to just ask him what is it that turns him on, just make sure that he doesn't feel like he's being judged.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Minus calling you a selfish person, I agree with a lot of what Plan 9 from OS had to say.

I can see a resentment issue having built in your husband, especially if you do reject him at times still. I assume you don't, given your current issue, but if you are, I'd wager he has a lot of resentment.

Also, if he's picking up on you being upset when he says no, he's likely seething mad underneath.

Think about it. You had no qualms about telling him no, repeatedly and often, for the first five years of your marriage (and I assume even prior to that). You also equated his sexual needs as just being a guy wanting to use you to get off on. Your words were "thought all men just used women for their own pleasures and that deep down all men were bad and not to be trusted, that all men will hurt and betray. To me sex was just another way for men to dominate, so I avoided it as much as possible." Undoubtedly you expressed this thought to him, whether verbally or whether he just gained that perception over time.

Now you have slowly developed into this self-described sexually agressive woman, and you are expecting your husband to just join in the fun. 

Re-reading your post, I only see one time where he said 'no' to sex. You imply he may not have been into sex fully recently, but it still seems he did participate, so you didn't get an outright rejection other than one time from what you have described (not that I'm defnding 'duty sex' on his part, just making a point). Yet you admit you were mad at this one rejection. 

Think about it. You're mad at one rejection, mad enough that you came to a message board to post about it and question if something is wrong with you, your husband or your sex life. Imagine how high the level of anger and resentment is in him after being told no likely hundreds of times.

I husband is. It sucks. You have zero self-esteem when it comes to sex and even when you are getting it, you feel like a failure. You don't think he doesn't pick up on the fact you are finding the sex boring? I bet if you asked him and got him to open up, he'd tell you he feels like a terrible lover, that he doesn't make you happy.

And he'd also tell you he still holds a lot of anger for all those sexually frustrating nights he had to endure and how he's building new resentment over the fact you seem to expect he'll just provide sexually for you now that the situation has reversed.

After going through so much rejection, it feels good to be able to say no to sex once in a while without fear of having to go weeks or months without. It feels good not having to feel like you have to be ready to go at the drop of a hat all the time, so that you don't miss that golden moment once in a blue moon when your partner is interested. It feels good not worrying about getting sick, or watching your partners mood swing for the day, or being disappointed you have to work late, or whether or not your partner has TV shows on tonight, all things which could ****block you from that one fleeting moment where maybe, just maybe, your partner may have a faint glimmer of interest in you.

It feels good to get that pressure of your back, especially after enduring it for years.

So don't just write off his resentment issues, just because "its been years" since they happened. And don't brush aside his ego. He may very well be facing new fears, like 'I'm not good enough of a lover' and 'If I can't provide sexually for her, is she going to go somewhere else and get it?' Ironically, I'd wager he's asking the same question you were once asking yourself.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

I took all of your advice and had a talk with him last night. He swears that he isn't holding any resentment from the way things were years ago. He said that he loves how much sex we have now. I asked if I was being too aggressive now and if that was off putting to him. He said no. I said that it seemed to me that he just wasn't as into it and it was always up to me to initiate. He said that his new schedule is making him very very tired. He gets up at 5 and goes to the gym and doesn't get home from work till 7. We go to bed around 10:30 and he says that by that time he is exhausted and that the other night he just wasn't in the mood. But that has never happened before....I thought guys were always in the mood so it threw me for a loop. It's honestly the first time I've ever been rejected by a man and it was a huge WTF? moment for me. I want him to feel comfortable enough to say no if that is what he is feeling, so that is why I played it cool, even though I was hurt. 
He did get irritated with me when I questioned his fatigue. I don't like it, I want him to see a doctor and check out all these supplements and things he is taking. I don't like self medicating. He really needs to lose weight, he is nearly 300lbs, but he wants to bulk up and be muscley. He HAS lost weight since he started but I'm worried that he will do damage. I know he has a fragile self esteem and I know that I was a part of that problem


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Men aren't ready to go 'all the time.' I'd wager the reason you may think that is because men you've dated have had to be ready to go all the time as you are not, and they don't want to have to wait for you to come around again.

And I think you reacted terribly. He's turned you down once, ever, and you respond by questioning his fatigue and telling him to see a doctor.

How would you feel if he told you years ago to go see a doctor after the first time you told him no? 

He is losing weight and hitting the gym. Give him credit for that and back off. If he starts turning you down frequently, then you can start to worry. It is ok for a man to say no to a women once in while. He's not dying, having an affair or a closet gay man.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> I took all of your advice and had a talk with him last night. He swears that he isn't holding any resentment from the way things were years ago. He said that he loves how much sex we have now. I asked if I was being too aggressive now and if that was off putting to him. He said no. I said that it seemed to me that he just wasn't as into it and it was always up to me to initiate.


CMIIW, but sounds like he's telling you white lies... even you don't seem to believe that.  



> He said that his new schedule is making him very very tired. He gets up at 5 and goes to the gym and doesn't get home from work till 7. We go to bed around 10:30 and he says that by that time he is exhausted and that the other night he just wasn't in the mood. But that has never happened before....


That might be a legitimate excuse, but then again, maybe not, and even you don't seemed to be convinced.




> I thought guys were always in the mood so it threw me for a loop. It's honestly the first time I've ever been rejected by a man and it was a huge WTF? moment for me. I want him to feel comfortable enough to say no if that is what he is feeling, so that is why I played it cool, even though I was hurt.


Well, no. I am a guy, and yet I am not always in the mood. I am LD, I am perfectly happy with monthly sex. People are different and it's difficult to generalize.

BTW, have you actually apologized to him for all your rejections in the past?



> He did get irritated with me when I questioned his fatigue. I don't like it, I want him to see a doctor and check out all these supplements and things he is taking. I don't like self medicating. He really needs to lose weight, he is nearly 300lbs, but he wants to bulk up and be muscley. He HAS lost weight since he started but I'm worried that he will do damage. I know he has a fragile self esteem and I know that I was a part of that problem


Read Mr. Kingsfan's post above.

Anyway, please don't be discouraged by your husband's current reactions. With kindness, patience, understanding and tender loving care, nothing is impossible.

A successful marriage hinges on 3 important matters: Mutual Respect, Mutual Love, and Mutual Physical Attraction.

Now ask yourself, do you respect him? do you love him? are you still attracted to him? If the answer is all YES, then make sure that he knows it. Make sure he knows that you respect him, love him and attracted to him. It will do the trick, most of the times, if the feelings are mutual.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm wondering if in fact he simply is too tired. What some people new to fitness don't understand is it's not the exercise that makes you stronger...it's the rest. Obviously you need to stress the muscles by working out to stimulate them to adapt however unless you fit rest in there the muscles won't have the opportunity to grow stronger. You'll end up in a constant state of exhaustion. 

The other side is nutrition. Working out requires increased nutrients to fortify the body and aid in recovery. The idea is to shift your diet away from calorie dense nutrient poor foods to nutrient rich low calorie foods. This will allow you to eat more to satisfy the increased hunger without necessarily taking in additional calories. Combine that with a good workout routine and the weight will melt off. 

A good work out rountine will have build phases and rest phases. Sleep is tremendously important. If he hasn't already he may wish to consult some professionals to establish a healthy routine and diet. This will hopefully give him the increased energy to get back his sexual desire.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

LOTL, you may have to just make the appointment for him. At 300 lbs he should probably see a doctor before beginning any workout to make sure his heart and BP are okay. And it may be a simple as he is too tired.

If my wife was low drive for years and a switch just flipped, I would personally be elated because I am I high drive person. But in the back of my mind I'd always be wondering, WTF is going on. Why now? I think you're husband is glossing over the answers to your questions and you guys need to really dig deep into these discussions. Be patient with him on this point, us guys have a hard time opening up sometimes.


----------



## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm wondering if in fact he simply is too tired. What some people new to fitness don't understand is it's not the exercise that makes you stronger...it's the rest. Obviously you need to stress the muscles by working out to stimulate them to adapt however unless you fit rest in there the muscles won't have the opportunity to grow stronger. You'll end up in a constant state of exhaustion.
> 
> The other side is nutrition. Working out requires increased nutrients to fortify the body and aid in recovery. The idea is to shift your diet away from calorie dense nutrient poor foods to nutrient rich low calorie foods. This will allow you to eat more to satisfy the increased hunger without necessarily taking in additional calories. Combine that with a good workout routine and the weight will melt off.
> 
> A good work out rountine will have build phases and rest phases. Sleep is tremendously important. If he hasn't already he may wish to consult some professionals to establish a healthy routine and diet. This will hopefully give him the increased energy to get back his sexual desire.


Agree with all of this.

Did he discuss this fitness change with anyone? Supplements can be tricky to manage, especially based on how heavy his starting point was.

He should see his doc for a physical and frank fitness discussion... and then ask for a clinical nutritionist refferal, or a PharmD, (or both) to discuss the supplements and diet


----------



## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

Its a cruel joke... but its reality... for different reasons a generally MD?HD me became LD right after marriage...and my husband who was possibly at his peak had to face quite a bit of rejection then... 7 years on and fertility treatments later my hormones returned to normal and I'm happy to go whenever he wants it...but his wants are definitely lesser now...
Trust me when I say he holds absolutely no rejection about it (besides, there were hormonal reasons for my lack of drive) but his wants now centre around how much work he has at office, how stressful his work is, how healthy/not healthy he feels (he's not overweight), how the children are doing etc etc... and he's only in his mid thirties... 
When everything's fine (like say when we are on vacation he'll come everyday or oblige when I approach him if there are no other hindering factors) but on other days he can go for an entire week without it and NOT MISS IT AT ALL... 
Many women's sexual drives peak after 30 and for many men it starts slowing down from then....I've heard many-a-member comment of how cruel this reality is...


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> CMIIW, but sounds like he's telling you white lies... even you don't seem to believe that.
> 
> 
> 
> That might be a legitimate excuse, but then again, maybe not, and even you don't seemed to be convinced.



No, I am not convinced. Something else is up. He has the art of passive aggressiveness down pat, where as I am much more confrontational. I want everything out in the open and dealt with, he wants to avoid and hide things. I HATE that. I know he is sulking or is pissed or or upset about something....finding out what will be next to impossible and he will deny deny deny and try to make me out to be paranoid and make me doubt myself. But I know what I KNOW.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I think it wasn't any sort of "inhibitions" that opened up for you to become sexual, you just hit the female sexual peak is all. 

Ask him to quit the porn, it has negative physiological affects on the mind.
Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> No, I am not convinced. Something else is up. *He has the art of passive aggressiveness down pat, where as I am much more confrontational. I want everything out in the open and dealt with, he wants to avoid and hide things. I HATE that*. I know he is sulking or is pissed or or upset about something....finding out what will be next to impossible and he will deny deny deny and try to make me out to be paranoid and make me doubt myself. But I know what I KNOW.


Ouch..that is understandable..Avoiding and hiding from problems, will never make problems goes away.

I think some counselling is in order. He needs to deal with his passive-agressive thing. You seem to able admit that you did something wrong in the past and not hiding it. That's admirable. But he needs to deal about his own anger issues as well, if whatever you did in the past angered him and/or creating mental blocks, he has to learn to recognize this, and afterwards the two of you could work out what is needed to be done to remove those mental blocks.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Zing said:


> Its a cruel joke... but its reality... for different reasons a generally MD?HD me became LD right after marriage...and my husband who was possibly at his peak had to face quite a bit of rejection then... 7 years on and fertility treatments later my hormones returned to normal and I'm happy to go whenever he wants it...but his wants are definitely lesser now...
> Trust me when I say he holds absolutely no rejection about it (besides, there were hormonal reasons for my lack of drive) but his wants now centre around how much work he has at office, how stressful his work is, how healthy/not healthy he feels (he's not overweight), how the children are doing etc etc... and he's only in his mid thirties...
> When everything's fine (like say when we are on vacation he'll come everyday or oblige when I approach him if there are no other hindering factors) but on other days he can go for an entire week without it and NOT MISS IT AT ALL...
> Many women's sexual drives peak after 30 and for many men it starts slowing down from then....I've heard many-a-member comment of how cruel this reality is...


Ouch, guilty . I am LD, and just like your husband, my needs centered around my work (read: I think of my work more than thinking of sex). In fact I went for ENTIRE YEAR without sex and not missed it at all. Still feel guilty about it even today. It must have been tough for my wife. Now I make sure that I never reject my wife, even when I am tired or not in the mood.

Anyway, Mrs. Zing, did you feel guilty in regards to your past rejections? Or do you feel completely justified because it was due to your hormonal problems?


----------



## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

There is really nothing you have said that I do not find ludicrous. You are having a freak out over ONE rejection. You have squandered the best years of his life, you are now old. Yes we are old after 30. You claim HE is the one who will not face the issues. What did you do during the best years of your life? 

I could go on for pages, but you are not worth it. if I were your husband I would move on. 

Sorry to be so blunt.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> Dh and I have been married for 10 years. For the first half of our marriage our sex life was almost non existent because of me. I had intimacy issues and relationship issues stemming from an abusive childhood and had a very stubborn and arrogant streak. I've also been on anti depressants since my teens and that had an effect on my libido. I admit too that I was entirely naive about male sexuality and thought all men just used women for their own pleasures and that deep down all men were bad and not to be trusted, that all men will hurt and betray. To me sex was just another way for men to dominate, so I avoided it as much as possible. My poor husband was very very frustrated.
> 
> It was only in the last few years, after we had two children, that I had an awakening. I don't know how or why, I just did. My inhibitions fell away and I became very sexual. Almost too sexual.


Good God almighty - you call this _naiive_?! This is some serious, maybe clinical level disordered thinking. In fact, you were clinical at least in one dimension requiring medication. 

We just can't gloss over this as if it just went away. Unrequited love dies. He must have had a tremendous level of resentment built up. 

The business of pumping iron and the supplements - something is going on there that relates too. 

We do not understand everything going on here.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi LOL.

Take these comments with a grain of salt, particularly the post second above. That one, I suggest you totally ignore. Not only because it is a mean spirited attack, but also because it was not intended to do anything other then incite and provoke.

People go through stuff, early years of marriage can be very hard for the very reasons you've noted above. There is nothing wrong with you. You may be a tad high spirited but men who are not intimidated by that find it very attractive. Unless of course they are just being mean.

You made mistakes, so does everyone. You've turned it around and not blamed anyone but yourself. This is commendable because a lot of people like to hide their mistakes and act as if it was someone else who made them. Your husband has said he doesn't resent you and how lucky you are to have a mature man who doesn't hold a grudge.

As has been pointed out, his new exercise routine it taking a lot out of him. He has also not as young as he once was.

But here is what kind of concerns me. *You wanted sex, gave him a BJ and before he could recover to get another erection, he told you he wasn't interested in any more sex? So, you want sex, you initiate sex, but he gets to cum*. I'm missing something here..... You wanted to have sex, but instead, he got a BJ. he he asks if you are mad? Hmmm still missing something here?

Oh yeah here's what. He left you totally unfulfilled AFTER he gets his rocks off. Then has the BALLS to ask if you are mad, thus making you feel childish for admitting, well actually I was kind of hoping the favor would be returned... But no, mad would not be the word I use...

And isn't it funny how the men missed that point and instead only identified with their own issues, ie no sex life?


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

King Ding Dong said:


> There is really nothing you have said that I do not find ludicrous. You are having a freak out over ONE rejection. You have squandered the best years of his life, you are now old. Yes we are old after 30. You claim HE is the one who will not face the issues. What did you do during the best years of your life?
> 
> I could go on for pages, but you are not worth it. if I were your husband I would move on.
> 
> Sorry to be so blunt.


You are very being not only blunt, but really just rude. 

She didn't cheat on him or do anything that can't be fixed.


----------



## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> You are very being not only blunt, but really just rude.
> 
> She didn't cheat on him or do anything that can't be fixed.


On reflection, you are correct that was rude. OP seems to want to fix these things even if she feels his feelings of resentment are "ludicrous". 

I apologize for being rude.

I however I doubt things can be fixed. Improved maybe but the damage is done and deep.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Hi LOL.
> 
> Take these comments with a grain of salt, particularly the post second above. That one, I suggest you totally ignore. Not only because it is a mean spirited attack, but also because it was not intended to do anything other then incite and provoke.
> 
> ...



Yeah.....that post was....wow. Take a look at my picture in the pictures thread. I'm no where near old....LOL


Anon, you have two separate evenings mixed up. The BJ night he was taking a lot longer to recover than usual. He said I'd really drained him. Then he tried to use the porn to stimulate himself and I objected. Eventually things all worked out. It was a different night that he turned me down. We'd strted snuggling and stroking and I was naked from my shower and then we were interrupted by the phone. Once I was done there, he was "not in the mood" and yawning and complaining that my hair was wet. 


I've brought the subject up several times since. He swears he is just tired. But I think maybe he's been bored as well. Sex is usually the same old same old. I'm not very creative and have always been reluctant to try new things. So today I was texting him and mentioned that I was up for anything he wanted. He was like "Oh, yeah. Anything?" and I said "Anything". And so we made plans for later with some of the things HE wants to do. I just have to remind myself to be more open and to ask what it is he wants. I guess after so many years of rejection he is afraid to ask, or doesn't see the point.

And before anyone says it, I'm NOT selfish. Its not that I think my wants are any more important than his. I dont think *I* am any more important. I ADORE this man. It just doesn't OCCUR to me to step out of my comfort zone. I can be so very slow to understand what other people take for granted sometimes.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> So today I was texting him and mentioned that I was up for anything he wanted. He was like "Oh, yeah. Anything?" and I said "Anything". And so we made plans for later with some of the things HE wants to do. I just have to remind myself to be more open and to ask what it is he wants. I guess after so many years of rejection he is afraid to ask, or doesn't see the point.
> 
> And before anyone says it, I'm NOT selfish. Its not that I think my wants are any more important than his. I dont think *I* am any more important. I ADORE this man. It just doesn't OCCUR to me to step out of my comfort zone. I can be so very slow to understand what other people take for granted sometimes.


:smthumbup::iagree:

Excellent plan Mrs. Lake.

You seems to love your husband dearly. In a marriage, as long as there are (1) mutual love (2) mutual respect (3) mutual physical attractions, then most problems can be worked out together. So you are on the right track.

I hope your efforts will be successful!


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> And isn't it funny how the men missed that point and instead only identified with their own issues, ie no sex life?


No, you just read it wrong. Thanks for labelling all of us 'men' with the same brush though.


----------

