# Wife says marriage is over but won't leave, won't file



## bwamg (Mar 1, 2013)

My wife told me about a year and a half ago that she ilybinilwy. I suspected an on and off again affair, that was just about confirmed although I have no proof, it's a long story but through all this she has vacillated and cake eaten and half heartedly worked on our marriage.

My point would be that she could never have worked on it while having an affair at the same time, she probably tried to end it once when I told her too, then probably backslid into it, the point is this is jacked up because I got no real proof.

So finally she asked for a divorce and is just taking her time moving out although she has threatened this before and now is threatening it again, without actually doing it.

I'm so fed up at this time I've filed for divorce.

She seemed legitimately scared by this, ceased looking for apartments and has tried to talk to me more than I try to talk to her but I've shut down and will not talk to her more than required.

I'd rather of worked on our marriage but she was unwilling so now I'm just going to proceed on with a divorce and I have no idea if it'll wake her up or not but at this point I'm tired of this fence sitting and would rather be divorced and have her gone and begin healing than live in limbo land forever.

She's not got the resouces to live on her own in any shape or form like she's accustomed to and she's starting to realize this. I feel that sooner or later she's going to cave and try and reconcile. 

My answer to this would be no, the only thing I'll accept is a firm committment to work on the marriage, counseling etc and the divorce proceeds along all the while and I'll determine if I want to stop it or not.

My real point is asking people on here if I'm on the right track, it seems to me I need to stop waiting around on her and take some control over the timeline and the situation her, if nothing else for my own sanity and that of my kids too.

Living together like this is horrible, she's in another bedroom, she's got stuff stacked in there in a mess and she's just reduced to asking me about laundry times.

I don't talk to her about anything unless she talks first, and then I keep it very short.

Just wondering if there's any suggestions or if I'm on the right track, thanks so much for your time and consideration.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

You certainly seem to be handling this well and are standing your ground. I applaud you, sir.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

bwamg,

Is the posOM married?


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

I'm going through the same thing, and will be interested in the replies.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

bwamg said:


> My real point is asking people on here if I'm on the right track, it seems to me I need to stop waiting around on her and take some control over the timeline and the situation her, if nothing else for my own sanity and that of my kids too.


Feel free to read my posts and threads... pretty much the same story.

Keep doing what you're doing. She's scared because she made a threat to manipulate you into doing things her way, she did it without thinking through the consequences, she didn't think you would ever call her bluff, and now you've taken control of the situation away from her.

Rock on.


Pb.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Your doing the right thing.If you want the marriage to work,if it was me I would sit her down.I would tell her the ball is in her court and no more games.She works 110% on the marriage
or I divorce you right away.She will know your not taking her crap anymore.Sometime with a wife you have to be a PR.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, your on the right track. A little to late, but if you had this additude...or at least faked it and gave her this tough love of indifference a year ago you could have maybe pulled of this marriage.

I get it, it hard to distance your self from the chick you love, but the lesson learned here is when you start showing the disengaging and letting them go it seems to make the wayward turn a corner....alomost showing them the reality of what the the waywrd is actually asking for.

So now with a year of phucking some guy and you growing more and more distant to her bull crap....she has now lost you.

A consequence that she will have to now deal with. Its this consequence that she will need to face and it will be her choice to face it and except it and do her best later on to make a wrong a right.

*But for now, if your wife doesn't face the consequence for her bad choices then these bad behaviors will continue.*
Hell....she had a year to think about the crap she was pull and continued. It wasn't until you manned up that she started have a change of heart.........that and the fact that the affair has lost it excitment and is now fading.

Either way bad behavior will continue if one doesn't have consequences.


File have her served and there is always a waiting period before the D is finalized....lets see what your old lady is made of.

Youe may find she really is quiter and finds someone else instead of fighting for you before the D is finalized.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

And in the meantime, find a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy!: Robert A. Glover and read it.


Pb.


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## bwamg (Mar 1, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies, I honestly have re-thought marriage in the first place, honestly being married especially to someone like my wife causes a person to swallow to much changing not to rock the boat.

I'm sure others can testify to this but yeah you should man up at the first sign of this, there's the door, let me help you pack your stuff, gtf out is the proper course of action.

To be fair to myself and others, you don't get a lot of practice at this and the stakes are so high it's easy to be a wuss about it, that's the first reaction most have I know I did.

Eventually though after getting enough dirt thrown in your face you will man up, maybe too late but then again maybe it's just fine, maybe she sucks as a wife and isn't worthy of being mine.

Maybe things work out for a reason, my take on it now is that if you ever hear the words like ilybinilwy then put them straight out on the curb, fast, let them fight their way back in or get lost.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Yes, sometimes you have to literally pack their stuff, rent a truck, and load it. 

She's had over a year to talk. Time for talk is over. Time for action.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

zillard said:


> Yes, sometimes you have to literally pack their stuff, rent a truck, and load it.
> 
> She's had over a year to talk. Time for talk is over. Time for action.


Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do.


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