# Sex Frequency - how do you do it?



## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

I've been reading some posters here that state they would like to have sex 4-5, 6 or every day of the week with their wives. That to me seems like a lot. We do it 2x a week and it seems like those days (scheduled days) pop up almost every darn day. Maybe i'm lazy but a lot of times I'd just rather watch a movie, eat a good dinner and relax. 

Last night I felt bad cause we were making out and stuff on one of our OFF nights and she said "I want to do more but I don't want to scare you". I felt bad when she said it (like i'm letting her down, our relationship down, and a little emasculated) but the reality was, I was kinda scared it would turn to more. 

So for the guys that would like to do it more than 2x a week, are those quickies you are talking about or the full on experience? Like I can roll over in the morning and do a quickie everyday but she won't get a lot out of it and I feel bad about that so I don't do it often, maybe once a month if that.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've been together 21 years, and still have sex at least 4x and as many as 9x a week. A lot of those are "bread and butter" sex - satisfying for us both (i.e., we both have orgasms), but not multi-round multi-orgasmic marathons. The "full on" experience is more like once or twice a week when we have a date night.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

We have a lot, it varies. Minimal for us is 3 times, sometimes 5 times a week. We communicate in that area very well, sometimes saying no is ok, sometimes one wants it more, we are both very similar. Both high drive atm and both desire eachother. Sometimes it’s not penetrative, sometimes it’s lazy, other times we make a day of it and really go all out. We also like to joke a lot and talk the next day about how it was, actually the best thing I love about our sex life is the next day.

eg, we can have a good laugh at eachother in a gentle teasing way that’s not offensive. He can say, ‘uh oh it’s been 3 days I’m going to get sick if you don’t put out’ Or, ‘that bj was sure something, look at you, you made me breakfast and did the shopping’. ‘You gave me the works last night I went out feeling so gorgeous I’m sure everyone at the bakery knew what I was up to’. Sometimes it’s text messages, sometimes he’ll call from work to tell me how the night before gives him energy to get through the day. This keeps the frequency pretty high for us.

it’s great she was able to communicate her fear, please talk with her in those moments where she does open up, don’t stay quiet. Talk and joke and praise eachother, respond when one person is expressing a fear, concern or desire.

We had periods early in our marriage where I was very much not into sex with him, I always communicated why. He was also able to vocalise his frustrations freely.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Sorry - I posted in the Men’s clubhouse I didn’t realise (female here). Still new and navigating the site.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

At the moment, about 3 times per month. Huge improvement over 2012 to 2017 when it only happened 4 or 5 times in total.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I've been reading some posters here that state they would like to have sex 4-5, 6 or every day of the week with their wives. That to me seems like a lot. We do it 2x a week and it seems like those days (scheduled days) pop up almost every darn day. Maybe i'm lazy but a lot of times I'd just rather watch a movie, eat a good dinner and relax.
> 
> Last night I felt bad cause we were making out and stuff on one of our OFF nights and she said "I want to do more but I don't want to scare you". I felt bad when she said it (like i'm letting her down, our relationship down, and a little emasculated) but the reality was, I was kinda scared it would turn to more.
> 
> So for the guys that would like to do it more than 2x a week, are those quickies you are talking about or the full on experience? Like I can roll over in the morning and do a quickie everyday but she won't get a lot out of it and I feel bad about that so I don't do it often, maybe once a month if that.


Everyone is different and if twice a week is fine for you then thats what matters.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I've been reading some posters here that state they would like to have sex 4-5, 6 or every day of the week with their wives. That to me seems like a lot. We do it 2x a week and it seems like those days (scheduled days) pop up almost every darn day. Maybe i'm lazy but a lot of times I'd just rather watch a movie, eat a good dinner and relax.
> 
> Last night I felt bad cause we were making out and stuff on one of our OFF nights and she said "I want to do more but I don't want to scare you". I felt bad when she said it (like i'm letting her down, our relationship down, and a little emasculated) but the reality was, I was kinda scared it would turn to more.
> 
> So for the guys that would like to do it more than 2x a week, are those quickies you are talking about or the full on experience? Like I can roll over in the morning and do a quickie everyday but she won't get a lot out of it and I feel bad about that so I don't do it often, maybe once a month if that.


This is super interesting to me. Why exactly were you scared? And is the problem that sex seems more like work then fun?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I can go every day or multiple times a day but my wife doesn’t want to. Quickies would be reserved for multiple in one day.

How do I do it? I guess I am just horny and want to have sex with her pretty much within a couple hours of having last done it. It doesn’t take any effort on my part.

In fact I’d have sex with her right now and then also after dinner.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I've been reading some posters here that state they would like to have sex 4-5, 6 or every day of the week with their wives. That to me seems like a lot. We do it 2x a week and it seems like those days (scheduled days) pop up almost every darn day. Maybe i'm lazy but a lot of times I'd just rather watch a movie, eat a good dinner and relax.


If you and your wife are happy with twice a week, I think that's terrific. For myself twice a week is an insufficient frequency to satiate my sexual desires within an ongoing sexual relationship. So what works for me wouldn't work for you, yet there is nothing wrong in someone wanting to share more or less sex.



> Last night I felt bad cause we were making out and stuff on one of our OFF nights and she said "I want to do more but I don't want to scare you". I felt bad when she said it (like i'm letting her down, our relationship down, and a little emasculated) but the reality was, I was kinda scared it would turn to more.


I don't think you should feel emasculated, your wife is obviously mindful of the anxiety you feel. She is clearly affording you a safe place and accepting you as you are. That said it is okay to do more with your wife even if it scares you, since she is offering you that safety.



> So for the guys that would like to do it more than 2x a week, are those quickies you are talking about or the full on experience? Like I can roll over in the morning and do a quickie everyday but she won't get a lot out of it and I feel bad about that so I don't do it often, maybe once a month if that.


Well for me it isn't a case of I would like to do it more than twice a week, since I already share sex much more frequently than that.

Of which my wife 50 and I 49, have been fornicating for close to 25 years now (almost 22 married). We share sex quite frequently, with 4x a week being our absolute and rarely done minimum (excepting illness/injury).

We've always shared a high frequency sex life throughout our relationship.

We don't schedule sex at all, although we tend to do the same days and times most often, as a consequence of all the other things we do in life.

That said a typical week for us, through the past two years follows:

Starting on Monday. Will see no sex at all, Although there will be a very small amount of flirting, fondling and kissing in the early and or late evening.

Tuesday will often see us share sex later in the evening for about 1 to 1½ hours. With some general kissing and fondling when we can.

Wednesday is similar to Tuesday with sex later in the evening for about 1 to 1½ hours. With a small amount of kissing and fondling in the morning.

Thursday basically tends to have a small amount of flirting, kissing and fondling then nothing more.

While Friday usually sees some general flirting kissing, and fondling followed by a sex session of about 45 minutes to an hour in the late evening.

Saturday often begins with a lazy 30 minutes to 45 minutes of sex in the morning. Which is followed with some brief flirting, kissing and fondling throughout the day. Before culminating with a more substantial 1½ to 2 hours session in the evening.

Sundays mostly see us sharing sex on two to three occasions. So like Saturday it starts with our lazy 30 minutes to 45 minutes play when we wake up. With the usual flirting/groping etc throughout the day. Then often a 20 to 30 minute quickie after lunch. With a 1½ to 2 hours session to close the evening.

There are also occasions when we will go for a drive in the evening and share quickie oral sex or penetrative sex wherever we fancy if no ones around. Plus maybe a couple of times once every 2-3 weeks, we'll share some 10-15 minute spooning sex, at some ridiculous hour in the dark morning if one of us can't sleep.

Plus depending upon the day of the week my wife agrees to, for her fortnightly Rostered Day Off. We will share sex on that day one, two, three or even four occasions, with one or two 5-10 minute quickies and one 1½ to 2 hours session around lunchtime or in the late evening at home.

It is also common during my wife's RDOs, for us to find different mostly secluded public locations. Then share one or two quickies, if there if nobody is around to catch us at it. Or if that is too risky, I will photograph and or film my wife flashing her pink bits to me, and generally grope, fondle and kiss her. Although the photo thing is something we sometimes do on any day or night as the whim takes us.

Likewise say if we go for a gentle walk in the evening, we will sometimes (albeit rarely) have a quickie while out on our walk as well.

Also when we're on holidays the minimum sex frequency tends to be twice a day, plus often three times a day on several of those days as well.

So at the moment we mostly share sex at 7-8x a week, and less frequently 4-6x a week. While once a fortnight we often share sex anywhere between 8-9x a week through to 11-13x a week.

Although that may not work for some people, I find it works for my wife and I.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Unless I have the flu or was working 16 hours a day, I am having an orgasm every day. If I'm doing it with someone, I'm going to make sure they get theirs. It wouldn't necessarily be long and drawn out every time but as often as she was willing I would be up for it. 

On vacations and especially anniversary trips, it would generally be twice a day and sometimes more. (Best way to wake up and go to sleep.)

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

I'm almost 60 and the wife is mid 50's - we have sex 3-4 times a week. These could be long and involved (massaging, oral, etc) or less but almost always 45 minutes to an hour and a half or so. Mostly at night but 3 or 4 times a month we go at it in the a.m. Occasionally she says she wants a quickie (I hate quickies) so I go down on her and slow things down. (It's a game we play).

In the fall and summer we like to have sex outside - we hike a lot of trails in the Rockies and enjoy sex there. (Getting wild in the wild as they say in these parts.) If we hike to a campsite we usually have sex a couple times a day (being away from civilization has its perks).

I suppose over the years the amount of sex ebbs and flows but we mix things up and try to keep sex interesting or surprising.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

your spouse is afraid to initiate sex with you


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> your spouse is afraid to initiate sex with you


It's the other way around the OP has a level of fear/anxiety, over having to share sex with his wife. So they have a scheduled limit of twice a week to not exceed his limitations.

Of which if his wife wants more, he feels fear about having to meet her desires. So his wife is mindful of his limits and tries to accomodate this for him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> It's the other way around the OP has a level of fear/anxiety, over having to share sex with his wife. So they have a scheduled limit of twice a week to not exceed his limitations.
> 
> Of which if his wife wants more, he feels fear about having to meet her desires. So his wife is mindful of his limits and tries to accomodate this for him.


Which shows what a nice kind wife he has. Compromise is vital in a marriage.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mybabysgotit said:


> "I want to do more but I don't want to scare you"


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@Mr. Nail if you are trying to reiterate your point by quoting what you did, I think you are mistaken. Since his wife isn't scared, she simply doesn't want to scare her husband hence the following statement from her as shared by the OP: "I don't want to scare you".

Please see the post below.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@Mr. Nail, actually I think now understand what you are saying (I was mistaken?).

So am I now right in thinking that you are saying. His wife is afraid to initiate sex with the OP, because she is afraid of upsetting him, by eliciting a fear response from him?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Bigger questions pop into my head reading the OP's post. Who thought of the twice a week schedule? Are you afraid of intimacy with your wife? Why would you not want to have sex with your wife? She is obviously being very careful trying not to scare you away so I just wonder what is going on? 

In order for a marriage to work there has to be very open, completely raw truth of feelings and thoughts. Your wife is needing something from you and she is afraid she might push you away. I wonder if there is some passive-aggressive behavior going on here? Is this your way of control?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

The most common trend is that the low drive spouse, controls the relationship by restricting the amount of sex the high drive spouse can have access to. OP is underserving the emotional needs of his spouse in preference for television time. 
IMHO it's a cruel form of ABUSE. She doesn't dare go further because she will get some form of negative feedback. He will be scared? but by his own admission scared is not what he would be. Inconvenienced is what he would be. It would disrupt his schedule. .His spouse is crying out for more so he offers a tease. She is not kindly accepting his needs for low frequency, she is coerced into accepting his control.
That is how I see this post.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> The most common trend is that the low drive spouse, controls the relationship by restricting the amount of sex the high drive spouse can have access to. OP is underserving the emotional needs of his spouse in preference for television time.
> IMHO it's a cruel form of ABUSE. She doesn't dare go further because she will get some form of negative feedback. He will be scared? but by his own admission scared is not what he would be. Inconvenienced is what he would be. It would disrupt his schedule. .His spouse is crying out for more so he offers a tease. She is not kindly accepting his needs for low frequency, she is coerced into accepting his control.
> That is how I see this post.


I definitely see where you're coming from. There is an undertone here that is at least manipulative.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

OP doesn't want more than 2x a week sex on their scheduled days because he'd rather watch a movie and relax.

They were fooling around on a day that wasn't their scheduled day and his wife knew he didn't want it to turn into a sex session.

OP you are lucky your wife is okay with this dynamic. I would feel disappointed and sexually stifled if my spouse was scared/wasn't into spontaneous sex on a day that wasn't one ofs the 2 scheduled days.

It sounds like you don't really look forward to the 2 days a week, either, calling them darn days.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Scheduled sex? 🤮 The best sex sessions are the unexpected ones. Get off the couch, shut off the TV and give your wife some good lovin! It may still be only two times a week, but it will be more enjoyable for the both of you.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Your wife threw down the gauntlet and you cowered.... if you aren't careful she'll soon be wearing the pants too. You have nothing to fear... you already lost your manhood by doing nothing. You can never back down from a spousal challenge like that again, lol.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> The most common trend is that the low drive spouse, controls the relationship by restricting the amount of sex the high drive spouse can have access to. OP is underserving the emotional needs of his spouse in preference for television time.
> IMHO it's a cruel form of ABUSE. She doesn't dare go further because she will get some form of negative feedback. He will be scared? but by his own admission scared is not what he would be. Inconvenienced is what he would be. It would disrupt his schedule. .His spouse is crying out for more so he offers a tease. She is not kindly accepting his needs for low frequency, she is coerced into accepting his control.
> That is how I see this post.


Yep, control and manipulation and he is getting a thrill from it! Then he will cry the victim who did not get enough when it is all said and done as he cannot see what he is doing to create is own demise.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You shouldn’t set your sexpectations to what other people do. You should work on what’s good for you and your wife. 
As far as it goes with people on this forum I believe we all tend to exist more on one side of the spectrum... lots of sex or hardly any. I think in reality the real number is somewhere in the middle. This community is more sex positive than the general population in my opinion which is unfortunate for all those poor souls.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

What is so awful about sex with your wife? 

Be careful that she doesn't decide that sex is so awful with you that she decides to make your night OFF, into every night.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

So Married said:


> What is so awful about sex with your wife?
> 
> Be careful that she doesn't decide that sex is so awful with you that she decides to make your night OFF, into every night.


But then there would be even more time to watch TV and relax!


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> We've been together 21 years, and still have sex at least 4x and as many as 9x a week. A lot of those are "bread and butter" sex - satisfying for us both (i.e., we both have orgasms), but not multi-round multi-orgasmic marathons. The "full on" experience is more like once or twice a week when we have a date night.


We have 3 kids in the house, all under teenage years. So we are pretty much confined to the bedroom, our intimate time is kind of the same thing, same environment, every time. I try and mix it up but after 15 years, I am running out of ideas. It seems routine now and that's twice a week, I would imagine four times a week and it would seem boring.

Not trying to be nosy or graphic, but are you guys doing it all the time in the same environment? kids at home?


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Luckylucky said:


> We have a lot, it varies. Minimal for us is 3 times, sometimes 5 times a week. We communicate in that area very well, sometimes saying no is ok, sometimes one wants it more, we are both very similar. Both high drive atm and both desire eachother. Sometimes it’s not penetrative, sometimes it’s lazy, other times we make a day of it and really go all out. We also like to joke a lot and talk the next day about how it was, actually the best thing I love about our sex life is the next day.
> 
> eg, we can have a good laugh at eachother in a gentle teasing way that’s not offensive. He can say, ‘uh oh it’s been 3 days I’m going to get sick if you don’t put out’ Or, ‘that bj was sure something, look at you, you made me breakfast and did the shopping’. ‘You gave me the works last night I went out feeling so gorgeous I’m sure everyone at the bakery knew what I was up to’. Sometimes it’s text messages, sometimes he’ll call from work to tell me how the night before gives him energy to get through the day. This keeps the frequency pretty high for us.
> 
> ...


I think our communication is pretty good as we can laugh and joke around all the time yet talk about important matters. Sex is the one thing we somehow can't communicate too good. I don't think she likes to talk about it, I think talking about it turns her off...but then again I don't know for sure because we don't communicate well in that area.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> This is super interesting to me. Why exactly were you scared? And is the problem that sex seems more like work then fun?


I get scared it's going to progress because I am getting ED and I don't think I can perform unless I take pills and psyche myself up. I have to think about it for basically the whole day (on and off) to make things somewhat successful at night.

So if it progresses, I feel emasculated as a man as I can't do anything. I've never had this issue and it's kind of scary to be honest.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> your spouse is afraid to initiate sex with you





Personal said:


> @Mr. Nail if you are trying to reiterate your point by quoting what you did, I think you are mistaken. Since his wife isn't scared, she simply doesn't want to scare her husband hence the following statement from her as shared by the OP: "I don't want to scare you".
> 
> Please see the post below.


When I started getting ED (maybe 6 months or so ago) I told her not to initiate and that I'd rather schedule it. She was surprised at that request, but ok with it, and now she say's she likes it. She's really the sweetest woman I have ever met.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I suppose over the years the amount of sex ebbs and flows but we mix things up and try to keep sex interesting or surprising.


Any ideas on how to keep it interesting and surprising after 18 year together, 15 married? We do get a vacation once or twice a year without the kids. On those occasions, we do it a lot, once in the AM and once in the PM. It's better on vacation because it's a totally new venue, we can be as loud as we want, and everything is fair game. Last vacation we took one of the maintenance workers golf carts, found ourselves in the middle of the golf course and got down and dirty.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> The most common trend is that the low drive spouse, controls the relationship by restricting the amount of sex the high drive spouse can have access to. OP is underserving the emotional needs of his spouse in preference for television time.
> IMHO it's a cruel form of ABUSE. She doesn't dare go further because she will get some form of negative feedback. He will be scared? but by his own admission scared is not what he would be. Inconvenienced is what he would be. It would disrupt his schedule. .His spouse is crying out for more so he offers a tease. She is not kindly accepting his needs for low frequency, she is coerced into accepting his control.
> That is how I see this post.


I sure hope this isn't the case, but I do feel like you're right sometimes, however, it's not inconvenienced, it's the ED talking. I would definitely have sex everyday if my body would oblige. The tease part your correct but she's the one that usually initiates like a deep kiss and stuff like that.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Personal said:


> It's the other way around the OP has a level of fear/anxiety, over having to share sex with his wife. So they have a scheduled limit of twice a week to not exceed his limitations.
> 
> Of which if his wife wants more, he feels fear about having to meet her desires. So his wife is mindful of his limits and tries to accomodate this for him.


Completely correct but I don't know her desires that well as she doesn't communicate them.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mybabysgotit said:


> We have 3 kids in the house, all under teenage years. So we are pretty much confined to the bedroom, our intimate time is kind of the same thing, same environment, every time. I try and mix it up but after 15 years, I am running out of ideas. It seems routine now and that's twice a week, I would imagine four times a week and it would seem boring.
> 
> Not trying to be nosy or graphic, but are you guys doing it all the time in the same environment? kids at home?


We haven't had kids at home for most of our relationship. The usual places are the bedroom and the living room as they have the right mix of furniture and soft carpets. You could try lingerie, role play, a variety of toys, taking turns being in charge, different positions, talking out fantasies, watch porn, etc. - some of those may not be suitable for you, but surely you haven't explored the rest thoroughly? Or try the back yard at night (weather permitting), or in the car when they're asleep.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

So Married said:


> What is so awful about sex with your wife?
> 
> Be careful that she doesn't decide that sex is so awful with you that she decides to make your night OFF, into every night.


It's not awful at all, it's awesome, I love sex with my wife. 

If she or I ever decided that we no longer want to be intimate with each other, the marriage would have lived out it's course at that time, and we would have no choice but to separate. I don't see any reason to be married without intimacy and neither does she. That's one of the few items we talked about at one point when we saw our neighbors going through the whole no sex thing. Life is too short for that.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Any ideas on how to keep it interesting and surprising after 18 year together, 15 married?


Vacations without the kids are like that aren’t they? I remember a trip we took to Belize (but that’s another story). I’ve become convinced that it isn’t an amount, some forbidden place, a toy or even being loud (though that’s one helluva turn on).

I think it’s about your own attitude and how that’s expressed in your intimacy. I started listening to my wife and I mean really listening even to the things she’d express with her body language, her laughs, her preferences (especially those preferences you discover without her expressing them audibly.) There is a wealth of information there. How you answer those or incorporate them into your understanding of her as a wife and an intimate partner can enhance things tremendously. This feeds into how you see her, listen to her, touch her, be with her. One thing I’ve found is that I began to see her as I did for the first time (we’ve been married 35 years) and, I mean like when we were young. If you have experienced that, you know what I mean. I see her that way every day now. Some people would call that cherishing her and I think that’s accurate, but it’s something more in terms of discovery.

The great thing is, your understanding is enhanced and your behavior changes to suit. Her attitude will change also, in many ways. Sexually speaking, my wife has opened up even more. I’m not just talking about the pedestrian things, sex more often, toys, positions, places (those things are great). I’m talking about what I think is a subconscious effort on her part to look at me with new eyes also (even though I’ve never spoken to her about what I’m writing here). When we have sex, she is totally relaxed, she gives herself completely, as I do, the world goes away and it’s just us two, like it could only be us two. It’s passion in overdrive. 

I'm sorry, I’m rambling and probably not explaining myself well. Start listening to her intimately and seek to discover the small things, the quiet clues she’s giving you. The understanding of those will take you both to new places I promise.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I'm sorry, I’m rambling and probably not explaining myself well.


Yeah, no.... you explained it beautifully.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Mybabysgotit said:


> It's not awful at all, it's awesome, I love sex with my wife.


That's great. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't want more of it then. I missed the ED posts, so my bad (ED is not an issue for quickies?).

If you still have kids at home, it doesn't sound like you're old. Low Testosterone maybe? Sorry to be so personal, but are you using porn/masturbating? Overdoing these can cause ED.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mybabysgotit said:


> When I started getting ED (maybe 6 months or so ago) I told her not to initiate and that I'd rather schedule it. She was surprised at that request, but ok with it, and now she say's she likes it. She's really the sweetest woman I have ever met.


In my opinion, as a man who has dealt with ED for 20 times the length of time you have, You are not handling this right. I'm extremely worried that your Spouse is not talking to you more.

Here are some to do's for you.
See a doctor if you haven't in the past 6 months.
Cut out the high starch items in your diet. If you have any.
Add yoga and stretching to your workouts.
Add anything that increases blood flow to the large muscles in your legs. I bought exercise fins and did laps in the pool on my back. I also walk. 
A person as fit as you are should be doing a lot of this already so I may be preaching to the choir.
Allow your wife to initiate occasionally. It is her way of showing love. Be sure to have a back up plan to give her an Orgasm. 
Find a better way to deal with embarrassment. Humor is a good place to start.

Thanks for taking the warning about control seriously.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I sure hope this isn't the case, but I do feel like you're right sometimes, however, it's not inconvenienced, it's the ED talking. I would definitely have sex everyday if my body would oblige. The tease part your correct but she's the one that usually initiates like a deep kiss and stuff like that.


What are you doing about your ED? Do you have any idea of the cause? Sorry if you already answered that and I missed it.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

So Married said:


> That's great. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't want more of it then. I missed the ED posts, so my bad (ED is not an issue for quickies?).
> 
> If you still have kids at home, it doesn't sound like you're old. Low Testosterone maybe? Sorry to be so personal, but are you using porn/masturbating? Overdoing these can cause ED.


I'm definitely getting up there, close to 50. It's not low test, i'm on TRT so my test levels come in the high 800's. Not much porn, once or twice a week, sometimes none.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> In my opinion, as a man who has dealt with ED for 20 times the length of time you have, You are not handling this right. I'm extremely worried that your Spouse is not talking to you more.
> 
> Here are some to do's for you.
> See a doctor if you haven't in the past 6 months.
> ...


Were you able to overcome the ED? I did see my primary and he gave me a script for cialis which works pretty good, but if I take over 10mg, I get a headache. 

I workout a lot, however, it's mainly lifting weights. I do .75 mile of cardio to warmup, and walk the dog with my wife pretty much every night for about 1.5 miles. I've been researching how to increase blood flow as I know my feet and hands don't get a lot of circulation. 

Did stretching and yoga work for you? I don't do any of that. I'll cut out high starch items for sure


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I’m talking about what I think is a subconscious effort on her part to look at me with new eyes also (even though I’ve never spoken to her about what I’m writing here). W*hen we have sex, she is totally relaxed, she gives herself completely, as I do, the world goes away and it’s just us two, like it could only be us two. It’s passion in overdrive. *


Yes, this is the main reason I love being intimate with her. I love the little faces she makes, the way the toes curl, the innocent smile that doesn't come out any other time, and all those things you probably discovered with your wife. I do listen to her body, noises, etc., that's part of the reason I feel bad cause I know what she needs it's just my body can't do what I want it too these days. It used to be no problem and just fun but now it's a little stressful.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

happyhusband0005 said:


> What are you doing about your ED? Do you have any idea of the cause? Sorry if you already answered that and I missed it.


Hoping against hope it goes away on it's own. For now, just Cialis.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.... you think about the ED so much that it is bound to happen. I’m 46 and don’t have issues but I believe that if I had that much anxiety about it that I would indeed find myself in your shoes. I know it is easy to say and hard to do but you likely need less medication and more meditation..... Dumbo had to let go of the magic feather. You can fly too....


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Livvie said:


> OP doesn't want more than 2x a week sex on their scheduled days because he'd rather watch a movie and relax.
> 
> They were fooling around on a day that wasn't their scheduled day and his wife knew he didn't want it to turn into a sex session.
> 
> ...


We ended up having a heart to heart last night and it went very well. She's by far the best woman in the world..hands down. She said she didn't notice, but did notice I was pulling away a little, but didn't think that much of it. I didn't understand that, I mean how could she not notice i'm going soft right inside her? I would think it's noticeable, isn't it? My takeaway from the conversation is that she doesn't care what happens and we will get through it. I feel a ton of pressure relief and looking forward to tomorrow night.

Oh, on a side note, she thought this whole time I was doing oral for her so that's why she would always say "you don't have to" which I always thought was weird and meant "please don't, I don't like that". She didn't realize that I actually like it a lot. She really likes receiving oral, so we decided to do that a lot more outside our scheduled stuff.

Amazing what a little communication can do....


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.... you think about the ED so much that it is bound to happen. I’m 46 and don’t have issues but I believe that if I had that much anxiety about it that I would indeed find myself in your shoes. I know it is easy to say and hard to do but you likely need less medication and more meditation..... Dumbo had to let go of the magic feather. You can fly too....


I couldn't agree more about the self fulfilling prophecy. I really think I made it worse by worrying so much about it. It's very strange too that I do get morning wood so I don't understand how it can get hard then and not when i'm with a beautiful woman? I mean if I'm not getting enough blood down there, wouldn't it be all the time, not just at night? weird


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Were you able to overcome the ED? I did see my primary and he gave me a script for cialis which works pretty good, but if I take over 10mg, I get a headache.
> 
> I workout a lot, however, it's mainly lifting weights. I do .75 mile of cardio to warmup, and walk the dog with my wife pretty much every night for about 1.5 miles. I've been researching how to increase blood flow as I know my feet and hands don't get a lot of circulation.
> 
> Did stretching and yoga work for you? I don't do any of that. I'll cut out high starch items for sure


First off I'm nowhere near as healthy as you. I have type 2 diabetes and am overweight. Eventually cialis stopped working for me. But I did early on use a particular yoga pose / stretch that had good effect. Having trouble finding it but I think it is a frog stretch See also cobra stretch. I used the stretch 15 minutes before sex. There are some nutritional supplements that help circulation. I haven't used power beets but I hear good things. .75 miles warm up plus 1.5 dog walking is about what I (fat old man) do in good weather. You could do better. Get a step tracking watch. you are focusing too much on weight lifting. Your ED is a sign of failing Cardio vascular health (probably) 

I'm curious about your cholesterol and zinc. 

overall the breakdown on ED is: A lot of it is in your head. What isn't in your head is tied to three conspiring health problems, Overweight, High blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. (You don't have 2 of those) The rest is weird off the wall urological problems. I agree with @Mr.Married that a lot of your trouble is between your ears. You are controlling and dampening your sex life in order to avoid an embarrassing ED episode. Your wife has never laughed at your limp willie. Unlike me you have a willing wife who wants more sexual activity. You don't get how lucky you are to have a relationship where both parties want to initiate. 

I'm very encouraged that you and your wife are talking about sex. 
Here are 2 more to do items:

have an unscheduled sexual activity with your wife. (break your rule)
Put a movie on pause next time your wife flirts with you during movie time. (allow spontaneity)

Also I think you would enjoy a fitness tracker. We can talk recommendations if you are interested.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Hoping against hope it goes away on it's own. For now, just Cialis.


You might want to talk to your doctor about a 5mg daily dose. Takes the pressure off having to take it "before" sex.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Mr. Nail said:


> First off I'm nowhere near as healthy as you. I have type 2 diabetes and am overweight. Eventually cialis stopped working for me. But I did early on use a particular yoga pose / stretch that had good effect. Having trouble finding it but I think it is a frog stretch See also cobra stretch. I used the stretch 15 minutes before sex. There are some nutritional supplements that help circulation. I haven't used power beets but I hear good things. .75 miles warm up plus 1.5 dog walking is about what I (fat old man) do in good weather. You could do better. Get a step tracking watch. you are focusing too much on weight lifting. Your ED is a sign of failing Cardio vascular health (probably)
> 
> I'm curious about your cholesterol and zinc.
> 
> ...


I appreciate your suggestions and will take heed, can't hurt. I do have high blood pressure, been on pills for that for last 20 years, family history. I have a fitness tracker (iwatch) but don't use it, my wife uses it religiously and some nights you'll see her doing jumping jacks and an extra walk to get to her goal. I tried and am still trying nutritional supplements like citrulline, tongkat ali, red ginger....none of those seem to work. I'm pretty sure it's a circulation issue as it was happening around the same time my extremeties starting becoming more red.

My biggest fear is where you already went, when Cialis stops working.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Mybabysgotit said:


> When I started getting ED (maybe 6 months or so ago) I told her not to initiate and that I'd rather schedule it. She was surprised at that request, but ok with it, and now she say's she likes it. She's really the sweetest woman I have ever met.


Does she know about the ED issues? Have you been to a Dr?
EDT: sorry see that you have been to the Dr. for the ED:
I've been researching how to increase blood flow as I know my feet and hands don't get a lot of circulation. "
Have you ever been tested for Diabetes? That can have an effect on blow flow and nerve condition.
For any of the ED meds you are supposed to drink a lot of water to try to avoid headaches.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I couldn't agree more about the self fulfilling prophecy. I really think I made it worse by worrying so much about it. It's very strange too that I do get morning wood so I don't understand how it can get hard then and not when i'm with a beautiful woman? I mean if I'm not getting enough blood down there, wouldn't it be all the time, not just at night? weird


It sounds like a lot is in your head, I think the open communication with your wife will help that a lot by removing some pressure and anxiety. You mentioned your on TRT, I assume you are taking an aromatase inhibitor to control estrogen. Have you had your levels checked? 

When looking at your overall diet try watching out for foods that can be inflammatory, basically avoid anything processed, avoid sugar and eat little to no red meat, no nightshades, no alcohol. I went 95+% vegan a few years ago and since then and it's like I'm 18 again in that department. Prior to I started taking propecia (fighting bad hair genes) and it seemed to soften things not ED but just not at full strength. My wife's best comment since the diet change, "you could hump a hole in a brick wall with that thing". The only real change I made was my diet so I attribute it to that. 

Just relax and try to just have fun, even if the ED shows up you can still enjoy your wife.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mybabysgotit said:


> My biggest fear is where you already went, when Cialis stops working.


It's all about vascular damage. Every day your BP is in zone is a day longer it will work. 
How many steps per day are you averaging? Steps on a good day? Days fishing per year?

My wife works for a big multinational and her health insurance comes with a lot of wellness coaching. If you have that available you should take as much advantage as you can stand.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I'm almost 60 and the wife is mid 50's - we have sex 3-4 times a week. These could be long and involved (massaging, oral, etc) or less but almost always 45 minutes to an hour and a half or so. Mostly at night but 3 or 4 times a month we go at it in the a.m. Occasionally she says she wants a quickie (I hate quickies) so I go down on her and slow things down. (It's a game we play).
> 
> In the fall and summer we like to have sex outside - we hike a lot of trails in the Rockies and enjoy sex there. (Getting wild in the wild as they say in these parts.) If we hike to a campsite we usually have sex a couple times a day (being away from civilization has its perks).
> 
> I suppose over the years the amount of sex ebbs and flows but we mix things up and try to keep sex interesting or surprising.


Same here, hard to hunt deer and turkey when my wife is next to me. They may come over to see what is going on. But they are safe from the hunter. Wish someone made zippered camo pants for women. They would sell like hotcakes for women who need to pee while hunting. And husbands who are frisky and excited their SO is hunting with them.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Mybabysgotit said:


> We have 3 kids in the house, all under teenage years. So we are pretty much confined to the bedroom, our intimate time is kind of the same thing, same environment, every time. I try and mix it up but after 15 years, I am running out of ideas. It seems routine now and that's twice a week, I would imagine four times a week and it would seem boring.
> 
> Not trying to be nosy or graphic, but are you guys doing it all the time in the same environment? kids at home?


You seem more into sex acts than being intimate with your wife. I dont care where or what time. It is about me and her bonding...nothing else matters. What are your ages? 
I recently spoke to my wife and over the years she did not initiat or seem like she had a high drive. She said she was afraid if we made love more i would get bored with her. I assured her that would not happen. 

We would make love daily except for sickness or injury now. If it has been a couple of days we may go 2-3× in a row. I am never bored by her. Im 49 and she 52 together 24 yrs.
Her ex was a serial cheater and i guess that is where the FU thinking come from that i would be bored and she would not be enough for me. Not the case. She can walk by and im ready to go! So is she. Im a giver so quickies are not my thing..so 1-2 hrs are the norm.
Now i have convinced her i could never be bored with her, our sex like is like when we met all over. Went from 2-3x week to miss only if sick or injured.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I couldn't agree more about the self fulfilling prophecy. I really think I made it worse by worrying so much about it. It's very strange too that* I do get morning wood *so I don't understand how it can get hard then and not when i'm with a beautiful woman? I mean if I'm not getting enough blood down there, wouldn't it be all the time, not just at night? weird


Is there a reason you're not taking advantage of this?


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Mybabysgotit said:


> Not trying to be nosy or graphic, but are you guys doing it all the time in the same environment? kids at home?


Maybe try some role play? It can add another whole level of fun, fantasy, excitement.



Mybabysgotit said:


> Not much porn, once or twice a week, sometimes none.


My suggestion would be no porn (ever) and no more masturbation at least until you get things straightened out with your wife. Both of these can cause/increase ED, and you have no idea the horrible damage it does to your wife when she feels compared to porn stars, as well as feeling rejected or unwanted when you're scared/uninterested. I would bet big money that she is thinking she isn't sexy enough or has failed you in some way, since you are scared that she might want sex (and I know you don't want her to feel that way).



Mybabysgotit said:


> So for the guys that would like to do it more than 2x a week, are those quickies you are talking about or the full on experience? Like I can roll over in the morning and do a quickie everyday but she won't get a lot out of it and I feel bad about that so I don't do it often, maybe once a month if that.


Most people don't mind an occasional quickie, but yeah, she deserves pleasure too.

It seems to me like you're bored and find it too much work. I would love to understand why...


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