# Lost my wife



## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

How do I start. My wife and I have been married for twenty years. I am ten years older than she is. We have a nineteen year old daughter. Last summer we went on our first vacation without kids and had the time of our lives. We have been each other world. I would have never guessed she was having an affair right under my none. This year two weeks before Christmas I found out she was planning to move out of the house. When I confronted her about her plans she said she needed six months to find herself. Within a week I found out she was having an affair with a younger man. When I confronted her she denied everything but I had proof. She then told me it was all my fault I had driven her into the arms of another man. I have faults and I have been in counseling but I would have never cheated on her for any reason. Now she is calling me every day, no remorse, no apologies, like all of this never happened. I love her with all my heart but I do not understand how I am to forget all this. My councilor said she feel there is little hope we will be able to work this out without her showing remorse. I now feel like I am a second choice because her new man is out of her life. This man has broken up 8 or 9 marriages that I know of. She is a very intelligent woman she knew what he was like. I am struggling with what to do.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

you are (i was at one time also) dude serve her divorce papers and move on with your life, she is not sorry she thinks she can go have fun and you will be waiting for her with open arms when she gets back. you are being a door mat. serve her the papers the only chance you have at saving the marriage is ending it, you can always stop a D

i didnt stop mine FREEDOMMMMM remarried now to a great woman


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Cheaters cheat and it will ALWAYS be their spouses' fault.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

6 months to find herself? What a JOKE. Her 6 months was to try out her new boy toy and when that didn't pan out, she figures you will just take her back. You can, of course, do so. She will find another boy toy in the future and back to plan B you will go. It doesn't sound like your wife is sorry for what she has done.

You are not to blame for her adultery. Don't blame yourself. You do need to take a look at what your issues are and fix them so it doesn't happen in your next relationship. 

Best of luck.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you exposed the affair including on the OMs side?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Arked: You are in second place and if you give her another shot, you'll be even further back in the pack. The one thing I'm looking for here is genuine contrition. Even your counselor admitted that it was not even remotely a possibility.

You need to drop the D bomb on her pronto. And get yourself checked out medically for the possible presence of STD's. There's no telling, in all actuality, how long all of this has been going on, with her alternatingly boinking the OM, then bringing it on home to you!

There's a far better life awaiting you out there! Just reach out and take it. After all, this lying deceptive wife of yours needs to fastly become your STBXW!


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

I suggest you move to the CWI (Coping With Infidelity) forum - there are some veterans there who can walk you through this, if you're prepared to listen.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

arbitrator i think we are all wrong i dont even think he is in second place, im thinking 3 to 5th the om, another prospect her and then maybe arked


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## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

Thanks I didn't know where to post. I filed for a d two days after she left. I may be a lot of things but stupid is not one of them. But I know I need more help than I have right now.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Keep following up on the D and get yourself a good medical exam. You need that much peace of mind.

Sorry to see you here at TAM, but you couldn't have come to a better place.

Always keep in mind, Arked, that we are all here to help you, just as your presence, experience, and advice here, might come to help some other poor soul out. That's how it works!

But please rest assured that we'll always be here for you!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

arked said:


> Thanks I didn't know where to post. I filed for a d two days after she left. I may be a lot of things but stupid is not one of them. But I know I need more help than I have right now.


Good for you, champ. Read up on the 180 below. It is for your own sanity, not to win her back. That is a possible result, but cannot be the intention because you'll slip too easily into her manipulating you with temporary gestures. Go with the full program.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

arked said:


> Within a week I found out she was having an affair with a younger man. When I confronted her she denied everything but I had proof. *She then told me it was all my fault I had driven her into the arms of another man.*


:rofl::rofl::rofl: CLASSIC cheaters' behavior. They will tell themselves ANYTHING to avoid the painful reality of their own behavior.



arked said:


> Now she is calling me every day, no remorse, no apologies, like all of this never happened. ... I now feel like I am a second choice because her new man is out of her life.


I'm glad to hear you are going through with a divorce. This is inexcusable and unacceptable — "Oh, I'll just come strolling back 'cause my new toy didn't work out." Ummm — HELL to the NO. And no remorse means she doesn't feel she did anything wrong ... and WILL do it again if given the chance.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and do come here often. There are great people on here, who will give you some excellent advice and pointers.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

arked said:


> *Within a week I found out she was having an affair with a younger man. When I confronted her she denied everything but I had proof. She then told me it was all my fault I had driven her into the arms of another man.*




*Classic cake-eater vernacular! She's a real gem!*

*Arked: Any idea where she knows this clown from? *


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Stop taking her calls. Go dark on her and show complete indifference.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

and when you are mad and need to vent do it here!! we have all been there done that! we are here for you


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i agree with bfree go dark, totally ignore her. do not answer the phone or texts and #1 only worry about you right now find a new hobby quit thinking about her and move on with your life. your councilor is 137% right no remourse 0% chance to save the marrige.


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