# Ex husband/partner dilemma



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Hi All,


I'm not sure what I should do here I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable. I have finally found my strength and I am drawing boundaries and doing quite well.

So my ex finally left the family home in sept 2017 after 18 months of saying it's over and actively looking for another partner whilst letting me know about how that was going for him. I hoped he would change his mind by trying to be everything he wanted. There was a lot of sex and he, in hindsight treated me like I was not worth much at all. We were together this time for 14 years, he left and we formally separated previously when our son was a baby for similar reasons, other women that he would fall in love with and take off.

So he moved out in sept 2017 taking what he wanted. He was asked to finally remove his shed contents etc by the police early 2018. I had to call them as he turned up to work on a big project that was left in the shed and even though he was no longer paying rates or bills he felt he had the right to keep working here. I was letting him for a few months but when I said that it was just too emotionally hard for me he said tough and I said please leave and I finally had to call the police and he told me to go ahead they would laugh in my face. He even offered me his phone to call them. They were called and he was asked to leave. They also asked him to empty the contents of his shed and gave him a strict time of between 9-4pm over two days. 

He took me to family court back in 2018 and the settlement happened late last year with me handing over a payout to him and him paying me nearly as much in his super. He went for blood during this, wanted me to be forced to sell. He didn't care that this was the home of his children, he was so aggressive in court the judge had to sit with him to get him to calm down. He said in court that he wants double what the judge suggested in money or he will force the house to be sold. This is a house that was mine when he moved into it.

So he was really pleasant to me before we settled and then after not so, but he kept trying to pursue sexual contact between us. I invited him to the house for birthdays and Christmas and even for his own birthday this year as well. There was no one else to offer this, his family isn't the type to do anything like this. I have been kind and friendly towards him. I find it hard not to be, it's a very old habit to get his approval, one that I'm working hard on with a psychologist.

So after getting fed up with his sexual advances and his I know you will give in sometime attitude to sex all of which I would reply I will never sleep with you ever again, sorry I'm not interested. I brought up the fact that there is someone else, this isn't entirely true but I said it as a means to end his pushiness towards some sort of sexual relationship. It worked except that he treats me worse now. Won't look at me, is dismissive and sarcastic when I have had him over for the children birthdays etc. I, on the other hand, have kept the you are a very old friend and we have a lot of shared history etc in other worse respectful and friendly, maybe too nice seeing as he went for my throat in court.

So with all of this I have decided that I will no longer offer him a place at my table, I want to keep it about the children and our parenting of them. When I see him I am hey how are you, smile a kiss for my daughter and I'm out of there, no friendly banter etc. I'm so much more happy with this, I don't get pulled in or hit on.

Sorry, it's long-winded... Now that he has bought a new house, he has been living in a unit he has said he wants the rest of his things. I'm torn. I told him many times before the court case to get what he wants because I don't want him to keep coming back to take things, he had said that there are things that he wants but hasn't got the room for them. These are things like a trailer, and garage things, things that I could get money for I suppose or actually use. 

The court documents state that we keep all of whats in our possessions and bank accounts etc as part of the settlement.

So part of me wants to be like sure I don't mind if you do that, they were yours, then part of me feels like I was free storage until he was ready. As I have come to accept that no this man isn't my friend I'm not sure what to do here. I have said no to the trailer being taken last week and he sent abusive text messages calling me a this and that, accusing me of being manipulative, of refusing to move on from him etc. I explained that I will need it as will our son and he did leave it here. He is now asking for other things and my reply was that legally they are mine as per settlement and his aggressive texting etc is far from being kind and I'm sorry but he is not coming over to get more of his stuff as he moved out in 2017. I feel like I have been overly nice to this man and he has only been kind when it suited him to be.

What would you do, thoughts, I'm I being awful in saying no? Should I just say, here come and take it?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You are still acting like a victim.His victim,for his bullying and abuse. 
Have no contact,messages etc with him about anything other than what concerns your children. Do not reply to anything else. 
The trailer and everything else on your property is yours,frankly I would burn it before I would let him have it. This is the ******* who tried to make you sell your house despite you owning it before he appeared on the scene and he didn’t give a damn about the children having to leave their home either. 
You are starting to show signs of growing a backbone by not inviting him over anymore, but lying to him about having another guy is actually a sign of weakness. You don’t want to have sex with him,that’s all he needs to know.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Wow, what an entitled prick he is. 

I would say, “Never ask me for a possession again. That ship has sailed. I’m only going to say this once. From this moment forward I wiill not respond to any texts about anything besides pick up and drop off of our daughter” (or whatever underage children you still share custody of.)

Here’s the key. Then *never respond again unless it is in regard to your kids.* Take control, and then keep it. This is up to you. If you will do it, your life will be so much better for it.


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## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

Be a better person than him. Is the stuff truly "his" things? If so, give them to him and then stipulate you are done with him getting anything else. It's just stuff, right? On that note, it sounds like the house was yours. 
Continue your defined ways of dealing with him. Little contact, minimal interaction.... Don't allow him to pull you into his web. I know that's easier said than done as we as couples know the others buttons to push. I would say also try your best to be respectful of him in front of your kids. Don't let him pull you down to his level. You know what they say about wrestling with a pig right?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A dirty, drooping, dust filled, and still somewhat sticky cobweb in some unreachable low corner, that is your ex-husband.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You've tolerated his bad behavior for years and he can't believe that finally you're done so he continues to push. Tell him that "no" isn't a suggestion for him to try harder and that you're not responding to his texts unless it relates to your children. Then follow through. If you don't, he'll continue to treat you like the doormat he thinks you are. Don't let him.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

tell him to talk with his lawyer so that he understands the settlement --- that "stuff" is no longer his since he didn't get it before. Not YOUR fault that he was too immature to handle his own **** then and get a place to store it. TOUGH.
Tell him you will only talk with him about the kids. Anything else will not be replied to.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Thank you guys! I think not responding to anything but subjects involving our children is a great idea, I will just ignore the rest. 

I had asked if he could possibly work from home 2 of days over the school holidays (he has told me he works from home up to 3 times a week and can whenever he chooses to unless there is an important meeting on) as I have taken on a one day a week job that I can't take her with me. So it's only a few hours both Tuesdays over the Easter break. (I work from home with my main job) I guess I feel bad for asking this favor and waiting for him to say no because I'm not saying here come and get the trailer etc. But is it a favour or just sharing care for our child? Hmm not sure. But I don't have another family close by to help.

I had said to him before the settlement was over that yes he can come and get large shed stuff, but as my son pointed out he took every screwdriver, hammer, pair of pliers etc even though there were multiple of each and left us without anything to fix anything with. No big deal I guess but really a selfish move. But at the end of the day having someone keep saying I will take that now etc is just somehow intrusive and keeps us connected and I don't want that at all. But some of these are things I probably won't use but are worth a bit of coin ( a few hundred dollars) It's more the, I'm coming onto your property still and I'm taking this now is the thing that is irritating the hell out of me! It just feels so ****** entitled. 

I won't even begin to go on about my daughter coming home upset this weekend after all of this transpired because he punished her for being too shy to approach the counter and ask for something. So he remained silent for 30 min chose not to sit at the same table with her and he bought their favorite weekend food for himself and ate it in front of her as some sort of punishment I guess? I only have her version of this of course, but really even if he was angry at her for being shy it's just ****ty.

The best thing I did was remove myself from this man, can't believe the angst that I went through worrying about losing him.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

Openminded said:


> You've tolerated his bad behavior for years and he can't believe that finally you're done so he continues to push. Tell him that "no" isn't a suggestion for him to try harder and that you're not responding to his texts unless it relates to your children. Then follow through. If you don't, he'll continue to treat you like the doormat he thinks you are. Don't let him.


^ This is SUPER IMPORTANT

It's important to realize how diminished your soul has become at this juncture. If you want to swap stories about Narc's fill free to message me, I wont jack your thread. You're not alone, you loved someone who WAS NOT worthy of your loyalty, admiration and time. He never respected you, you were a safety net. I was one. You're not alone, and most importantly you're not a victim, you're a survivor. There is A LOT of information that you need to digest regarding this. Watch youtube videos about Narc's there are several series by several people that are really good in regards to making you aware. You've been with someone who has never played fair, and has no empathy beyond THEIR NEEDS. He sounds like a cluster B personality. The boundaries you are setting up is fantastic! 

Books:
*Co-Dependent no more. (to stay in relationships like this, normally you're afraid of being abandoned regardless if they have or not, I tried 5 times.)
*Psychopath Free. (This is a fantastic book, covers a lot of the basics on both sides in regard the emotional toil, etc.)
*Stop Care taking the borderline/Narcissist (this is normally reserved for people still in relationships with them, it does however make you realize the mechanics of how they operate. I devoured a lot of Narc information when i started realizing what I had been dealing with.)

Tina Turners song "whats love got to do with it" will have a whole new meaning, sadly LOVE is never enough you need a lot of other emotions to have a healthy relationship.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tell him that he doesn’t have anything at your place — per the settlement, it’s all yours.

If he has a problem with that tell him to take it up with the judge.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"I won't even begin to go on about my daughter coming home upset this weekend after all of this transpired because he punished her for being too shy to approach the counter and ask for something. So he remained silent for 30 min chose not to sit at the same table with her and he bought their favorite weekend food for himself and ate it in front of her as some sort of punishment I guess? I only have her version of this of course, but really even if he was angry at her for being shy it's just ****ty.'

THIS makes me worried for your daughter. Rather than have HIM watch her, I would rather HIRE a professionally vetted nanny. He has NO IDEA how to parent. How old is your daughter? She should't have to deal with this crap. What he did isn't teaching her anything other than her FATHER is immature (i'm going to take my toys and go home type of crap).

Also, if you are telling him you are gone ALL DAY -- what's to prevent him from coming over and removing the stuff from your property? I'm SURE he feels entitled enough that he wouldn't consider it theft. Do you have security cams? May want to invest......


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

m.t.t said:


> Thank you guys! I think not responding to anything but subjects involving our children is a great idea, I will just ignore the rest.
> 
> I had asked if he could possibly work from home 2 of days over the school holidays (he has told me he works from home up to 3 times a week and can whenever he chooses to unless there is an important meeting on) as I have taken on a one day a week job that I can't take her with me. So it's only a few hours both Tuesdays over the Easter break. (I work from home with my main job) I guess I feel bad for asking this favor and waiting for him to say no because I'm not saying here come and get the trailer etc. But is it a favour or just sharing care for our child? Hmm not sure. But I don't have another family close by to help.
> 
> ...


Try not to have any contact with him. Do everything through email, no more texting.
If he attacks you etc. just say 'sorry YOU feel that way, but you are not my problem.' The less contact you have with him the better. Put your foot down and say it's two years, I am not a free storage unit, a free anything, go sort your own **** out. You are not my problem anymore.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you for finally learning you have to exclude him from plans. Now you need to find some anger and you need to learn to say F YOU! Stop responding to anything that isnt about your daughter. If he persists on contacting you about anything else, let him know that you will file for a protective order against him for harassment. Also let him know in uncertain terms he is to stay OFF your property, or you will have him prosecuted. He has been using and taking advantage of you for WAY too long, and its time you end it. The man is a grade A ass-hole. 

Learn to say:
I am sorry you feel that way
I cannot/am unable do that/allow that
F YOU


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

Why are you inviting him back to YOUR house at all? I got divorced and haven't been back to my ex wife's home at all. We actually built a home together and I moved out 3 months after moving in. Thru our divorce I signed everything over to her including the house. In our divorce I have the option to spend Christmas morning with her and our son but I choose not to. I do Christmas Eve with him and she has him Christmas morning. We have almost no contact unless it is about our son. We communicate only thru text and it works. Why still have contact with this man esp. since he seems mostly unstable and feels like you owe him everything he wants. He can't have his cake and eat it too.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> "I won't even begin to go on about my daughter coming home upset this weekend after all of this transpired because he punished her for being too shy to approach the counter and ask for something. So he remained silent for 30 min chose not to sit at the same table with her and he bought their favorite weekend food for himself and ate it in front of her as some sort of punishment I guess? I only have her version of this of course, but really even if he was angry at her for being shy it's just ****ty.'
> 
> THIS makes me worried for your daughter. Rather than have HIM watch her, I would rather HIRE a professionally vetted nanny. He has NO IDEA how to parent. How old is your daughter? She should't have to deal with this crap. What he did isn't teaching her anything other than her FATHER is immature (i'm going to take my toys and go home type of crap).
> 
> Also, if you are telling him you are gone ALL DAY -- what's to prevent him from coming over and removing the stuff from your property? I'm SURE he feels entitled enough that he wouldn't consider it theft. Do you have security cams? May want to invest......


My daughter is 11, so old enough to communicate with me clearly, she also loves her father. I don't think she is at all in danger being with him, I wouldn't let her go if I had an idea that she was. My 19 year old really sees his dad and his limitations on fathering and isn't afraid to call a spade a spade. He also has good boundaries, and I have to say that I could learn a lot from him. An example was for this weekend when my ex asked our son to help him move his heavy furniture and added oh seeing as you are coming down you can bring your sister with you to save me the trip. My son said "no you can do that it's your responsibility. I told you I'm camping with friends the night before and I'm not going to alter my pans to save you a car trip." He tells me these things, I usually just say I think he tries his best, he is a bit different, but he is your dad. They don't get along as he makes and has made very little effort to connect with his son and it's worse after he left aybe a text every few weeks to a month, mu son usualy reaches out first unless my son tells me that his dad need a hand and no it's not an excuse to spend some time with his son sadly.

As for taking the stuff, he wouldn't dare, I don't think. If he did well I will handle that then, I'm not going to stress over it, the point is I don't want him ever coming here and taking away stuff again. I lost my dignity once and I will be stuffed if I will ever bow and obey this man again.

He still blames me for us breaking up, that he had no choice. He lets me know this when we have talked when he said we are all each other has. That we are family, that I'm his family. What a crock. I think I deleted most of my first post on here as I was afraid of speaking out, of maybe I was wrong, if I was being ridiculous and not understanding that he needed to get his needs met with these strangers online, that he needed the intimate conversations of other women, that I didn't connect with him enough like this, that he didn't have this with me. It's funny how some people can twist another's mind into feeling crazy.

There is no point in getting angry or letting my daughter see that what her dad did last weekend was just awful, she would feel ashamed in telling me. I just said that's not very nice etc and said maybe next time dad will see that going up to the counter with you would have been more helpful. I'm sorry that he was angry with you that wasn't very nice at all. Don't worry about it too much, he was just being silly. I love you heaps, thanks for talking about it with me and then we watched a show together.

I'm very far from perfect but after focussing all of my attention on my ex husband I now have the ability to be able to sit and be a solid and consatnt adult in their lives.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Talk2Me said:


> Why are you inviting him back to YOUR house at all? I got divorced and haven't been back to my ex wife's home at all. We actually built a home together and I moved out 3 months after moving in. Thru our divorce I signed everything over to her including the house. In our divorce I have the option to spend Christmas morning with her and our son but I choose not to. I do Christmas Eve with him and she has him Christmas morning. We have almost no contact unless it is about our son. We communicate only thru text and it works. Why still have contact with this man esp. since he seems mostly unstable and feels like you owe him everything he wants. He can't have his cake and eat it too.


See this is so sensible. I had been grappling with guilt and co-dependent behaviors. I worried about him and him being lonely and feeling left out, that it would be good for the children to see that we still got on well. Well this is just ridiculous. I'm now following your example. Thank you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

m.t.t said:


> M
> 
> *He still blames me for us breaking up, that he had no choice. He lets me know this when we have talked when he said we are all each other has. That we are family, that I'm his family.* What a crock. I think I deleted most of my first post on here as I was afraid of speaking out, of maybe I was wrong, if I was being ridiculous and not understanding that he needed to get his needs met with these strangers online, that he needed the intimate conversations of other women, that I didn't connect with him enough like this, that he didn't have this with me. It's funny how some people can twist another's mind into feeling crazy.


Eh, so what? Who cares? He has to twist the truth in order to deal with himself being an ass, and his version doesnt matter in real life. Next time he comes at you with his tall tales, remember to say F YOU. Trust me, it feels amazing! :grin2:


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Like someone else mentioned you are still in victim mode, he is toxic and you need to severe the ties. 

I saw my girlfriend deal with this with her X he would still bully her even though they were not together and she was so used to being afraid she just accepted it, took me a while but i finally got her to stop being a victim and the change was huge, it was like a whole new person came out.

When I finalized my divorce I gave my X 2 weeks and this is after living separate for a few weeks to take what ever she wanted before I changed locks, she complained she could not fit it all in her new place and needed more time while she looked for a permanent house, I told her I was not going to be a free storage facility and I wanted to move on and clean break so she could out what she wanted in storage. After the 2 weeks I was planning a vacation so I had the locks changed, the alarm code changed and added cameras inside in case she managed to use an old utility bill and have a lock smith let her in whilst i was away, Sure enough she came around while i was away and was pissed she could not get in, told me it was illegal to withhold her stuff etc etc.

The stuff she wanted i didn't want i put outside for her or left on her doorstep when I dropped off the children,

With him hovering around you are not going to be truly free of him or his toxicity.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"My daughter is 11, so old enough to communicate with me clearly, she also loves her father. I don't think she is at all in danger being with him, I wouldn't let her go if I had an idea that she was."

I'm not talking about physical danger, I'm talking about emotional abuse. She shouldn't have to put up with that kind of crap from her father. He is NOT a good role model of a man for her to be around.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> "My daughter is 11, so old enough to communicate with me clearly, she also loves her father. I don't think she is at all in danger being with him, I wouldn't let her go if I had an idea that she was."
> 
> I'm not talking about physical danger, I'm talking about emotional abuse. She shouldn't have to put up with that kind of crap from her father. He is NOT a good role model of a man for her to be around.


I understand where you are coming from. The thing he is her father and it's their relationship. If she wasn't excited to go and see him or didn't want to go I would be totally on board. But as it is she loves her dad and looks forward to seeing him. No parent is perfect, he is an immature **** of a man at times. But he is her dad and it would be more damaging for her for me to disrupt their relationship. She has every right to see him as he does her.

He sees her for approx 48 nights a year (his choice I have her for the rest, he is no longer in the family home and this is the best I can do for her. Yes, what he did was emotionally abusive and punishing this is how he treated all of us. But the best I can do is model a different parenting choice. She will decide and be old enough in a few years about what she wants to do, until then I will do the best I possibly can by her.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I sent him an email yesterday. It was blunt and to the point. 

It said something along the lines of I don't want him on my property, if he wants the listed items them I'm happy to sell them to him for X amount (this was a fair price one that I would hope to get at a garage sale) but he must organize and pay for removalists as I don't want him on my property and he has 14 days to decide what he would like to do.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Tell him if he sends any inappropriate text you will have to hand it over to the police and if he tries to move anything you will report him for burglary. 

Do not issue any threats unless you are prepared to act on them.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you! And don’t get into a back and forth with him when he replies. 

I understand what you are getting at regarding your daughter. As long as she enthusiastically wants to be with him, then that’s what you go with. If anything changes with that in the future, just make sure you have her back. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

He did send an email, the next day but not in relation to his stuff. He wanted to sort out high school for our youngest asap! She will be attending in 2021.

I emailed a response and put the schools that our child is wanting to attend and I thought would be a good fit. I got a couple of aggressive emails in response so I left it. One email told me that she can't choose where she wants to go that's it's our choice but my choices are bad as they are too far for him to be actively parenting her from. He wants her at the school in his suburb. She doesn't want to go there. The schools that I chose I realize don't have an active bus line to his area only mine. He moved 35 min away from us.

This was perplexing as it wouldn't have any impact on him seeing her, I had no idea what he meant by impacting his parenting of her. Then he told me that once she is about to start high school he is going for joint custody! Currently, he sees her 40-45 nights a year, his choice, not mine. He also has an active application in for working overseas 3 months on, then a month off. WHAT? I was initially upset then realize that he wants me to be so I never responded to this bit of information.

Who doesn't want more time with their child during primary school years then more during high school? Then I realized that maybe its to do with the bus making it easier for him to see her as he doesn't have to travel to get her etc and drop her off??

I just don't get it. Unless it's to make me worry. I'm to the point of loathing him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Got news for him, once she hits high school, custody/visitation is pretty much a free for all crapshoot. Courts aren’t going to force her to follow anything she doesn’t want to. Time with parents falls behind in priority to friends and activities. He will be wasting I his time trying to change things. 

Please do not make her go to the school she doesn’t want to attend. Especially not just to make that jerks life any easier. He is such a selfish a-hole. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Got news for him, once she hits high school, custody/visitation is pretty much a free for all crapshoot. Courts aren’t going to force her to follow anything she doesn’t want to. Time with parents falls behind in priority to friends and activities. He will be wasting I his time trying to change things.
> 
> Please do not make her go to the school she doesn’t want to attend. Especially not just to make that jerks life any easier. He is such a selfish a-hole.
> 
> ...


Don't worry she won't be!. I firmly believe that it's about what she is comfortable with after all she is the one going not him. Makes me wonder why he didn't add a custody agreement to the property settlement, it makes no sense if he wanted to force something. What is he going to take me back to court? Hmm We have a private agreement, but if he wants to spend more time with her I've always been more than happy. He wanted once a fortnight! I pushed for at least weekly. Though he has been complaining that he doesn't have much time for himself over the weekends. Then I find out a couple of weeks ago that he works from home a few days a week.

Sorry I'm just so angry at his lack of parenting input then this!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Good for you for finally learning you have to exclude him from plans. Now you need to find some anger and you need to learn to say F YOU! Stop responding to anything that isnt about your daughter. If he persists on contacting you about anything else, let him know that you will file for a protective order against him for harassment. Also let him know in uncertain terms he is to stay OFF your property, or you will have him prosecuted. He has been using and taking advantage of you for WAY too long, and its time you end it. The man is a grade A ass-hole.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree with all this, except saying F YOU!

Leave this off. It's an emotionally loaded term, and when he hears this, he will know that he is getting to you. When saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, I am unable to do that," you need to say it as dispassionately as possible. It is the lack of emotion which gives the phrase its strength and power. It shows him, "You can't get to me anymore."

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

m.t.t said:


> Don't worry she won't be!. I firmly believe that it's about what she is comfortable with after all she is the one going not him. Makes me wonder why he didn't add a custody agreement to the property settlement, it makes no sense if he wanted to force something. What is he going to take me back to court? Hmm We have a private agreement, but if he wants to spend more time with her I've always been more than happy. He wanted once a fortnight! I pushed for at least weekly. *Though he has been complaining that he doesn't have much time for himself over the weekends.* Then I find out a couple of weeks ago that he works from home a few days a week.
> 
> Sorry I'm just so angry at his lack of parenting input then this!


It would not surprise me if, as time goes by, he starts weaseling out of his weekends. I get the feeling that he really is just THAT self centered. Would be great for YOU of course. 



FeministInPink said:


> I agree with all this, except saying F YOU!
> 
> Leave this off. It's an emotionally loaded term, and when he hears this, he will know that he is getting to you. When saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, I am unable to do that," you need to say it as dispassionately as possible. It is the lack of emotion which gives the phrase its strength and power. It shows him, "You can't get to me anymore."
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


He deserves a few F you's tossed at him. It sounds like she has always been pretty passive and accommodating with him, I think an F you would really knock him for a loop. He still thinks he has the upper hand with her, that HE is in control here... a nice, calm F you with eye contact would let him know those days are over. 

Just my .02.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I don't know about there but here judges don't change custody unless there's a compelling reason. He doesn't have one. Especially when you consider she'll be starting high school at that point. That's crazy. 

Better just to state what the plan is and then ignore his rants (but save them all).


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

m.t.t said:


> He did send an email, the next day but not in relation to his stuff.
> 
> 
> I just don't get it. Unless it's to make me worry. I'm to the point of loathing him.



I think it was related... He is reacting to your assertiveness over the property. He knows he has no control over that so he is finding something he thinks he can control.


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