# Does Ignoring my wife possibly help our relationship?



## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

I feel she completley needs her space and I need mine. After 8 years of marriage, constant fighting, disrespect and all.. We cant just seperate we have 2 kids, so I was thinking just completley ignoring her for quite a while.


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## Sincere Heart (Jan 5, 2012)

Ignoring your wife won't solve the problem or make it go away. Instead, why not make it up in your mind that you are going to work on communicating with you wife to find out why she needs her space and discuss with her why you need yours. If you both open up the lines of communication you may find that you both can respect each other's wishes and grow from this experience. Let's not forget the children need parents who can communicate and get along with one another.

Sincere Heart


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

passive aggressive behavior is never good and it sounds if you are looking to ignore her as "punishment"

that said- taking care of your needs and yourself whilst being civil and calm is fine


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## thomas603 (Apr 13, 2012)

Its called "the 180" look it up. Works great, basically you are divorcing your marriage while staying married. Do you own thing, take you own time and stop focusing so much on what is wrong with the marriage and find so much more than is right within you.

Your wife will take notice and get inspired if she sees change in you that is good. It may even rub off on her a bit as well!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

thomas603 said:


> Its called "the 180" look it up. Works great, basically you are divorcing your marriage while staying married. Do you own thing, take you own time and stop focusing so much on what is wrong with the marriage and find so much more than is right within you.
> 
> Your wife will take notice and get inspired if she sees change in you that is good. It may even rub off on her a bit as well!


I am cutting and pasting this from a previous post of mine. To me, this is the step before a 180.

As for the 180, I don't recommend it in this situation but rather the idea of “turning down the thermostat.” In essence, you stop working so hard to meet your partners needs and start working on taking care of yourself. It is not black mail, but rather a tool to:

1) Make your actions and words align. If you say something is a problem, but keep doing all the nice wonderful things for your partner, your actions are saying it is not a problem. For example, I love eating pork and ask for it all the time. My wife does not, so we rarely have it. Since my actions toward her remain the same, she (correctly) understands it is not big deal. When something is a big deal, but you don’t change your actions, it is far too easy for your partner to assume it really is not important. 

2) Gives your partner space to work on the relationship. If I always do the laundry, my wife starts to not even think about that chore. She begins to take my efforts their for granted. It is not even intentional, it is just human nature. By backing off, your give your partner the opportunity to do some work in the relationship, whether it be saying “I love you” first, or buying a gift on impulse or reaching out for a hug. 

3) Gives the high drive partner a chance to work on themselves. They have needs that are not being met, so backing off gives them a chance to work on them and have the met (in an appropriate way). This should include having some fun and enjoy life. I recommend doing some activities that they may have dropped along the way.

4) And finally, help reduce resentment. By pulling back, the HD partner avoids situations where their expectations build only to be disappointed. Because they are working on themselves and not counting on the partner to meet every need, they are less likely to be disappointed and resentful.

A big key is to keep an upbeat and pleasant disposition when this goes on. You don’t want to be dishonest, but you can’t sulk or pout or try to punish your partner. You also need to take care of your portion of the household, whether it be the children, home repairs or doing the dishes. You take care of your stuff because that is what adults do. But, instead of hovering over your partner making sure there wants are all met, go have some fun and take care of yourself. Hit the gym, work on your hobby, just be a bit less there.

I hope this makes at least some sense.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> I feel she completley needs her space and I need mine. After 8 years of marriage, constant fighting, disrespect and all.. We cant just seperate we have 2 kids, so I was thinking just completley ignoring her for quite a while.


If ignoring her means letting anything she does that you take offense to pass by without affecting your disposition and especially without saying anything then I couldn't agree more


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## RelationshipAdviceHelp (Apr 12, 2012)

I agree, be respectful to her always, but put on a little teflon - just let things slide off without sticking.

Try to see her the way you used to and yes, do a little extra for yourself without letting down your end of the marriage chores.

Will


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Sometimes the silent treatment can be worse than fighting. Unseen tension in the air can choke a household. The children will feel it. Even though you are done fighting, ignoring her is still passive aggressive. You are in a tough situation my friend. 

Reading up on the 180 is good advice, since I started doing it, it has helped me with the only thing I have control over, ME! Focus on what you want out of life and if and when your wife tries to start a fight, don't give her one. If you don't react, she will be confused. She may be trying to get your attention in a negative way, but negative attention is still attention.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

no .no no don't ignore her..hubby and I did that crap for years..either silent treatment or running away from conflict...Totally address your problems and definately get into counseling. Trust me..after all the stupid games I got so fed up I went and looked up an ex boyfriend and had an emotional affair. Things at home got so bad I kicked hubby out..by the time he made major changes I was already in my affair..Please don't ignore her please get real with her..write a letter of your true feelings and frustrations, explain you can't live this way with her so it will be counseling or seperation..Yes you must make it that serious because it will only get worse, trust me I have total regrets about how I've handled things and I wish that on no one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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