# What would you do



## slave_wife (Feb 1, 2020)

I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 20 years. We started dating very early on in our teen years and got married in our early 20's. Things were good early on in our marriage, but the last 5 to 10 years have been very hard on me, to the point where i'm considering seeing a therapist for stress management. I don't feel like his partner or equal anymore. I feel like a slave or just a friend living with him. We both work full time jobs and he's back in school part time. He doesn't help me with hardly anything around the house. He doesn't know how to fix anything around the house. All he does is cook and cuts the grass, but i've been having to hire someone to do that because he's been slacking on that as well. I have to do everything. Clean, dishes, laundry, vacuum, trash, take care of the pets, take care of any car repairs, take care of any house repairs. Plus on top of all of that, I have to deal with his families issues. His family is very miserable and toxic. Any traveling we do is pretty much what he wants to do because he never wants to do anything that I want to do or go anywhere that I want to go. You can't tell him no because he has a "mantrum" to the point where I just cave and give in all the time because it's easier and I can't deal with the stress. Our sex life is pretty much non-existent. once a year if that. He's the type that he doesn't like to talk about anything, so i can't even sit and talk to him about how i'm feeling. He would never do marriage counseling or therapy with me because in his eyes, there is nothing wrong with our marriage. I've lost friends over this and i quit having holiday get together's at my house because he doesn't like having anyone over. I'm stressed out beyond belief and don't know what to do. What would you do if you were in my situation? Please don't use abbreviations as i am not good with what they mean.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I've been in your shoes, OP. 

I found it helpful to have a few visits with an IC to work on my own self-esteem and on healthy boundaries. From there, I was able to stop allowing my husband to dictate how I felt, stop trying to make him change when it was clear he didn't want to, and stop letting him control my life. Just letting go of all that and owning my own feelings and my own reactions made a huge positive difference in my stress levels. 

Now, in my case, it turned out that my husband was not interested in our marriage being different. What we had totally worked for him and he saw no reason for anything to change. Once I was able to clearly articulate what I wanted my marriage to look like, and he clearly indicated that he wasn't interested, then I knew exactly where I stood and what to do about it. He wasn't going to change, so I could either stay and accept the marriage we had or I could leave. I left. 

Perhaps your husband would be willing to work toward bettering your marriage if you were very clear that you would leave otherwise. Maybe he still wouldn't be willing to work on anything. That's up to him. You cannot change him, control him, fix him, or in any way make him be different. He has to decide that for himself. 

Your job - and only real option - is to find the strength and the tools to know what your boundaries are and to enforce them for yourself. And IC may be a good place to start with that.


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## slave_wife (Feb 1, 2020)

What does OP and IC mean? I'm horrible with abbreviations.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

OP = original poster (i.e. you)
IC = individual counseling, as opposed to MC marriage counseling


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

First take care of yourself, counseling will help.

Sounds like a one sided relationship. There has 
to be two people involved to make it work. 
Not just one person doing everything.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@slave_wife,

Have you heard of the *The Walk-away Wife Syndrome*?

Basically it's a situation in which the wife has told the husband over and over that she's not happy with the marriage. He ignores her complaints about this because he's ok with the marriage as it is. His take on it is that she's just nagging. Then she stops trying to get tell him that she feels there is a problem and eventually leaves (walks away).

Does your husband even acknowledge that you are unhappy? Does he acknowledge the things that you have complained to him about?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you want to do now? Do you just want to end the marriage? Or do you want to see if you can get him to work with you to fix the marriage?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Do you have any children?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

FYI:
AAMOF = as a matter of fact
AP = Affair Partner
ASAP = as soon as possible
b/c = because
BAK = back at keyboard
BBFN = bye bye for now
BBL = be back later
BBS = be back soon
BF = boyfriend or best friend
BFN = bye for now
BH = Betrayed Husband
BIL = brother-in-law
BK = back
BRB = be right back
BRBGGP = be right back gotta go potty
BS = Betrayed Spouse 
BSC = Bat sh*t crazy
BTDT = been there, done that
BTW = by the way
BW = Betrayed Wife
CBTB = can’t believe the bulls***
CRAFT = can't remember a fricking thing
CRS = can't remember stuff (or use your imagination for S)
CSA = Childhood Sexual Abuse
CU = see you
CUL8R = see you later
CWIM = see what I mean
CYA = see ya
DB = dear boyfriend
DC = dear child
DD = dear daughter
D-Day = divorce day -or- affair Discovery Day
DF = dear fiancée
DG = dear girlfriend
DH = dear husband
DS = dear son
DSD = dear stepdaughter
DSS = dear stepson
DW = dear wife
EA = emotional affair
exH = ex husband
exW = ex wife
FIL = father-in-law
FOO = Family of Origin
FTR = for the record
FUBAR = ****ed/fouled up beyond all recognition/repair/reason (added by request)
FWH = former wayward husband
FWIW = for what it's worth
FWW = former wayward wife
FYI = for your information
GF = girlfriend
GMTA = great minds think alike
GNO = Girls Night Out
GP = general practitioner
GTG = got to go
HD = High drive (sexual)
HTH = HTH hope this helps
IBRB = I’ll be right back
IC = Individual counseling 
IDK = I don't know
IIWY = if I were you
IIRC = if I recall correctly
ILYNILWYA = "I love you, not in love with you anymore." 
IMHO = in my humble opinion
IMNSHO = in my not so humble opinion
IMO = in my opinion
ISSF = I’m so sexually frustrated
ISTM = it seems to me
J/J = just joking
J/K = just kidding
KISA = Knight in Shining Armor
KWIM = know what I mean
LD = low drive (sexual drive)
LDR = long distance relationship
LMAO = laughing my ass off
LOL = laughing out loud
LOL = laughing out loud
LOLROF = laughing out load, rolling on floor
LTNS = long time no see
MC = marriage counseling
MIL = mother-in-law
MLC = mid-life crisis
MYOB = mind your own business
NC = No Contact
NDE = near death experience 
NE = any
NMS = not my style
NMSAA = not my style at all
NP = no problem
NRE = new relationship energy
OM = other man
OMG = oh my gosh
ONS = one night stand
OP = original poster
OSF = opposite sex friends
OT = off topic
OTOH = on the other hand
OW = other woman
PA = physical affair
PA = (sometimes) passive aggressive
PIV = penis in vagina referring to "traditional" sex
PM = private message
POV = POV point of view
PP = previous poster
PUA = Pick Up Artist
ROF = rolling on floor
ROFL = rolling on floor laughing
ROFLMAO = rolling on floor laughing my a** off
ROFLOL = rolling on floor laughing out loud
ROTF = rolling on the floor
SAHD = stay-at-home dad
SAHM = stay-at-home mom
SAHP = stay-at-home parent
SEP = somebody else’s problem 
SIL = sister-in-law
SNAFU = situation normal all fouled/****ed up
SO = significant other
SOL = sh** out of luck
SOS = same old stuff (or use you imagination) 
STBX = soon to be ex
SWMBO = She Who Must Be Obeyed
TAM = Talk About Marriage
T/J = thread jack
TIA = thanks in advance
TMI = too much information
TOM = the other man
TOTGA = the one that got away
TOW = the other woman
TTFN = tata for now
TTYL = talk to you later
UR = your or you're
VAR = voice activated recorder
W/E = whatever
WAH = work at home
WAW = Walk Away Wife
WB = welcome back
WH = Wayward Husband
WOH = work out of the home
WS = Wayward Spouse
WTG = way to go
WW = Wayward Wife
YAOW = yet another other woman
YW = your welcome
YMMV = your mileage (opinion) may vary


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is a thread on this forum that lists the acronyms....

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html


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## slave_wife (Feb 1, 2020)

We have no children


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

If you want to try to save the marriage, you should get into counseling. Otherwise, I'd be looking for what's next. Do you want to live this way the rest of your life?


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

sunsetmist said:


> FYI:
> 
> AAMOF = as a matter of fact
> 
> ...




Good list.
Reps.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@slave_wife this is what your husband is to you:-


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

He is gay


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