# E-books - are any not scams?



## WillK (May 16, 2012)

One thing that I've looked at in the course of trying to figure out how to fix my marriage is some of the e-books with DIY methods of repairing your relationship... I've done searches for questions, these things turn up, but there are some patterns that really make them seem questionable.

One for example is "Text your Ex Back" and another is "The Magic of Making Up" or something like that.

The pattern that I see is that you get lured in with a promise of a free download or video that will save your relationship. If you can watch it without getting wrapped up in the emotion, you realize that it's a really long sales pitch - some guy says a lot of things that sound just like your situation, and repeatedly promises that you can get her back and it can be better than ever - conspicuously absent is any hint of what it is you actually need to do, or any sign as to just how to get that info. 

Only at the end do you find out that instead of getting something free, you have to pay $40.

What's worse is that if you try google searches for these things, whoever made them has packed the search engines smartly. Search for reviews to see if it's legit? These guys have crafted web pages with phony user reviews universally praising what a great guide it is, not a single negative review to be found... And there's the phony comments with people asking "Gee whiz, how great, where do I get this?" or asking staged questions.

If you try a google search for a free download, these guys have the search engines stacked for that as well - you'll get pages with free downloads, but when you do the download - hey, good work, you downloaded the sales pitch.

I even saw a page reputing to be a therapist saying what a great system it is. This supposed therapist's supposed blog didn't have anything else to say except a few entries all ending at the same conclusion - buy this dude's e-book.

Just curious if anyone has actually gotten the book and if it's worth the $40..

I'm curious because the sales pitch does make them sound good, but even giving the benefit of the doubt - can't you find a multitude of actual physical self help books at a book store for $20 (or even less if you check them out at the library)


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

The actual books--not e-books although I'm sure there are digital versions of them--that people around here recommend the most are

His Needs / Her Needs by Dr. Harley

The 5 Love Languages

in your specific case, I'd also look at a book LeighRichwood recently recommended, Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend

I'm sure others will chime in with their favorites.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Married Man's Sex Life by Kay Athol


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Nothing is free. Unless something is being provided by a charitable organization, someone somewhere along the line is looking to get paid for their efforts (whether that fact is stated up front or not).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

While separated, I found a PDF file of a book...and I can't remember its name, but it helped me calm down tremendously.

I have since looked for that online and can't find it ANYWHERE.

Maybe it was just sent for me at that time


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

DTO said:


> Nothing is free. Unless something is being provided by a charitable organization, someone somewhere along the line is looking to get paid for their efforts (whether that fact is stated up front or not).


And if that was the impression I gave, that I was looking for something free, then I gave the wrong impression. I get suspicious of hard sales. Especially when the item being sold is electronic data, hence the costs of a competing hard copy aren't involved, and the price is out of line with other competing ideas.

I like to get some idea before I spend my money what I'm getting for the money. I can do that with a physical book, even if I'm buying online where I can preview some pages at amazon or get reviews that are legit - including people that found it wasn't for them.

But thanks for the other suggestions. I'm not much of a reader, but for the price and with the reviews some of the suggestions above got, I'm inclined to go get some of them.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I got these books from Amazon on my computer's kindle, 
1)His Needs, Her Needs by Harley, Willard F. Jr. 
2)The Five Love Languages by Chapman, Gary

They were easy to follow and very effective for us. I feel they saved our marriage by giving us the tools build a good marriage. 
I highly recommend them to anyone having problems in their relationship or anyone wanting to see what a good relationship looks like. They were worth the price. 
Good luck.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Also 'Love Busters' by Harley, with the woorkbook. This one help us a lot with our anger and arguing. The anger effectively put up walls around us. The more the walls went up the more the anger continued, and we were unable to effectively communicate. Its much better since we understand how to handle these conflicts. Hope this helps.

One more thing, TAM is a big help, just to hear how others are coping, what works for them and to know your not alone.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Married Man's Sex Life by Kay Athol


I second this one.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

WillK said:


> And if that was the impression I gave, that I was looking for something free, then I gave the wrong impression. I get suspicious of hard sales. Especially when the item being sold is electronic data, hence the costs of a competing hard copy aren't involved, and the price is out of line with other competing ideas.
> 
> I like to get some idea before I spend my money what I'm getting for the money. I can do that with a physical book, even if I'm buying online where I can preview some pages at amazon or get reviews that are legit - including people that found it wasn't for them.
> 
> But thanks for the other suggestions. I'm not much of a reader, but for the price and with the reviews some of the suggestions above got, I'm inclined to go get some of them.


I was not trying to suggest that.

I was merely trying to say what you've noted above. That is, you know someone is trying to get money off of it. A book has a known cost and a value you can see for yourself by thumbing through it.

OTOH, if a TV ad or website is being circumspect about what they offer and what they charge, I get very suspicious and avoid it. To me, it's like the online version of a timeshare sales pitch.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

DTO said:


> OTOH, if a TV ad or website is being circumspect about what they offer and what they charge, I get very suspicious and avoid it. To me, it's like the online version of a timeshare sales pitch.


Have you ever had a Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman in your house? If you have, that's exactly how I felt with these websites I was referencing in my original post...

For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure, Kirby vacuum cleaners are fairly impressive pieces of machinery, but the sales techniques involve door-to-door salesmen and they don't sell out of retail. You can get these vacuums reconditioned and it's not hard to find them on ebay or through online resellers.

They'll come in and say it'll just be 10 or 15 or 30 minutes. They'll demonstrate and ramble, and if you get interested in buying they won't cut the demo short to get to the bottom line. They need you to be too tired to resist when they drop their $1200 dollar sales price. You can beat them down under $600.

Ya shouldn't go for that price. You can get them elsewhere under $300.

And their demo is misleading because they will use this filter paper so they can show you how much dirt the thing is picking up. The filter paper doesn't perform the same as the vacuum cleaner bag.

I digress. Same feeling though from these websites.. forgot to mention how they set up the video so you can't fast forward or skip ahead either.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Married Man's Sex Life by Kay Athol





iheartlife said:


> The actual books--not e-books although I'm sure there are digital versions of them--that people around here recommend the most are
> 
> His Needs / Her Needs by Dr. Harley
> 
> ...



Not Just Friends - By Sherry P Glass (I think that's her name).

Hers can be found in EBook format!

Try Kobo - they have open source apps that can be used to read an ebook if you don't have an e-reader and all their books are open source (you don't get that with other electronic providers).


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

My impression is that all the eBooks fall somewhere on the "low quality to scam" scale. If they can't put it out on Kindle, you really have to ask why not. It costs nothing out of pocket to publish to Kindle. Takes about a day to format a Word document to a Kindle edition.

Reader reviews and your money back if you don't like it and buy it on Amazon.com

This is exactly why I'm doing print + Kindle.

My thanks to those that mentioned my book in this thread.


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## Mr_brown (Oct 17, 2011)

Atholk said:


> My impression is that all the eBooks fall somewhere on the "low quality to scam" scale. If they can't put it out on Kindle, you really have to ask why not. It costs nothing out of pocket to publish to Kindle. Takes about a day to format a Word document to a Kindle edition.
> 
> Reader reviews and your money back if you don't like it and buy it on Amazon.com
> 
> ...


Bought both your books on my kindle app for my phone, I actually downloaded the app just for your books and I am addicted to your blog. Its the first thing I open up in the morning!
Just curious why not Nook?


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I zipped out to see what store I could get to, B&N wasn't meant to be I got there 5 minutes before close and couldn't find a parking spot. I went to a 24 hour store and only found 5 love languages so I bought it.

Jumped straight to "Discovering your primary love language" and I think mine is quality time. I do massive amounts of work on our house, and I do a lot for my wife - so that would seem to say maybe my love language is acts of service, but it's not. See.. I think I do these things because I feel it's my role to do so.

Instead, here's something about me: When I'm doing these things, I get real annoyed that my wife asks for more acts of service or when she disrupts my acts. I'm trying to complete these responsibilities so I can enjoy the rewards afterwards, such as time with a hopefully happy wife. Because that's what I want: quality time.

It really speaks to why it's hard on me emotionally that she's moving out.

I need to get to sleep I guess. Don't think her love language is acts of service, because she'd be happier I'd think, maybe it's affirmations because that might be the area I've lacked


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are many good ebooks. They are usually electronic versions of book you can buy in places like amazon.com

The kind of ebook you are talking about are usually come ons. 

If you want good books that will really help your marriage look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. They can be purchased at any legitimate book store online or in real life.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

WillK said:


> Have you ever had a Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman in your house? If you have, that's exactly how I felt with these websites I was referencing in my original post...
> 
> For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure, Kirby vacuum cleaners are fairly impressive pieces of machinery, but the sales techniques involve door-to-door salesmen and they don't sell out of retail. You can get these vacuums reconditioned and it's not hard to find them on ebay or through online resellers.
> 
> ...



Never heard of kirby.... I find shark to work pretty damn well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr_brown (Oct 17, 2011)

I too enjoy performing acts of service... Is the way I like to show my wife I love her, but I found, the same as you, the more I did the more she wanted and as far as where it was getting me was not the result I wanted! Seems thirty my wife likes quality time and also gifts. The gifts that she likes are not expensive just thoughtful. So learning that along with running the MAP, thanks to Atholk, things are definitely on the upswing. My wife wants a thoughtful MAN. not a wimp who jumps at her every whim! Get ahold of Athols books and read his blog along with the red pill room blog and you WILL learn things and everything will start to click and If not you'll have yourself left instead of the servant you are!


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Married Man's Sex Life by Kay Athol


Okay... Checking online this doesn't appear to be in stock at any local B&N. I had seen the title mentioned, but I hadn't really considered our sex life to be an issue. Even with the issues, our sex life has remained active - I wouldn't say it's changed..

I guess maybe the fact that it has changed says something anyway. As one point, her having a feeling of liberation from what she was perceiving as a requirement (pardon my imprecision of language) - we were having sex that was some of the best we've had.

At any rate... I wanted to ask for more of the story on this book, being that the title suggests a topic I hadn't considered one which is at the top of the list of what needs fixing.

I'm interested because it was suggested - and my interest is increased by the fact it's from someone who posts here. I just want to know how it will apply to our marriage.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Well... since nobody responded, I pretty much went and got the book as a kindle doo-dad reading thing from Amazon after posting the previous response, and the beginning of reading it answered my own questions. I chose to go that route since the hard copy book was not showing as in-stock at my local B&N stores.

I' ve just begun reading MMSL and at this point I can see how it will fit into the picture. Yep, I'm a nice guy, and yup I am in a marriage where my wife doesn't have respect for me. I've been expecting to get respect from her by serving her every need and request. So, clearly I have a role in making a change as part of resolving the issue of her not having respect for me

It is clear I need to take charge more. I still value taking care of my wife, and I'm hoping I'll learn how to do both or balance those two seemingly conflicting goals in the course of reading.

With that said, I haven't read far enough to see if the book tells me what to do, but I've started speaking up and it's been a positive change already.

Look, I'm just going to say what's up. My wife is moving into the apartment tomorrow, she moved some smaller things yesterday on her own. 

The next piece of the story is one I know some might give me crap for doing. When I committed that I'd help move her big stuff, it was because I felt it would be better for maintaining any hope of reconnecting if I was the one doing this for my wife rather than anyone else. Today I moved some stuff, and I'll move the rest tomorrow. At this point, I'm doing it because I made the commitment and I value following through on my commitments. My new-found attempt to be more alpha and take charge might seem to say I should put my foot down and say no, but to me I do view it as a commitment and I've also committed to support my wife in her quest to grow as a person.

So here's where I'm taking charge - the issue with her getting the apartment is that everybody says it's an impending infidelity red flag. I made it clear to my wife that I understand that from what she's said that I'm not competing with another man, I'm competing with her becoming single. I made it clear that I have reason to be concerned, and I won't just accept her word. I made it clear that my approach is trust but verify.

I acknowledged the state of our relationship, that the state of the relationship is one where she does not feel it is appropriate to wear the wedding ring. I told her I do not want other men to make advances on her, and I asked that she wear the ring for the purpose of the signal that she is not available - and she will do that. I told her that I appreciate that she stopped the friendship I had been concerned about, but I want her to do more to tell anyone that gets too close to stop and I want her to be more proactive in letting me know about these things.

I also made it clear that I want to stay in touch, and I'd like to call her after the kids are in bed to talk about how the day went.

At this point, I suspect that after this first week she'll want me to live with her at the apartment and we'll work out a schedule of when I work on the house until it's ready to move back in to.

To pre-empt the critics, here's the thing. I am confident that I need to make a lot of changes to myself and I'm doing that. Making those changes is necessary for us to pretty much start fresh. I'm confident my wife isn't going to let anyone but me connect with her. It wouldn't change anything I'm doing to better myself even if she did connect with someone else, because if she did that, I'd still need to make these changes so I can be the man I need to be to be in a relationship anyway.


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