# Caught wife having emotional affair. How do I act from here on out



## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

Here is the story. My wife had been acting distant for a month and I knew something wasnt right. Well she had gone to a wedding in florida that i could nt make bc of work. An old frined of hers was there who had been facebooking her in the past but she always blew him off. Well after reviewing her phone records he began to chase her again starting that weekend. It went on for 5 weeks. Some test were up to 50 a day. Anyways during this whole time she told me she wanted space and and that she wasnt happy yada yada. She even almost talked about moving out for a month or two. We have only been married 4 months so i was totalling confused. But when i saw her phone texts and messages i figured it out. he was under a girls name...We have been together 3 years. This totally isnt her and I never even knew she was capable of this. So when I confronted her she still lied I even knew the answers to questions and she lied until she finally broke down. At first she wasnt crying at all which i thought was wierd. then she finally balled. She said he told her things that made her feel good etc etc. I was pissed. She said sorry a thousand times ut it wasnt near enough for me nothing was. She cried for days and that minute i uncovered it she texted him telling him not to contact her anymore and she deleted her facebook and she even deleted her scrabble app which has a chat function on it and they played together. I didnt even think of that. so i really think she is sincere. 

It has been the worst on me. I cannot beleive it still. I have moment s of pure rage and hate. She said she will do anyhting to fix it and wants to fix it faster. I told her i thought she was only sorry and didnt leave bc she got caught. but she told me if she did want to be with him she would of left then, instead of having to see me go through so much hurt. 

My question is where do i go from here? I know the love buster idea and I dont want to push her away even though im mad as hell sometimes. its been 2 weeks almost. I keep alot of it inside and she can tell when im thinking about it. and has bit her tongue when i do blow up at her. I just font want to push her away even though I have decided to stay married to her like my vows said. My problem is I have such a huge heart i want to buy her flowers etc and be all lovey lovey. But i need to make her chase me again like when we first met i feel. I HATE GAMES but feel i need to make her want me and i must of been lacking on her emotional needs. how should i act without being to lovey lovey which is a turn off to alot of girls. but i figured being married i wouldnt have to still play like that but women are wierd in the head..\\\

i apologize for any mispelling or rampblings im on my phone typing this.

thanks for the help in advance


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You must demand:
- Complete truth of affair in one talking session. No trickle truth
- Full transparency
- Access to all computer logins
- No Contact letter agreement from her
- Boundaries around her that are enforced
- MC and IC for both of you

Good luck


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it's disheartening seeing so many marriages that should be in the honeymoon phase already meeting infidelity

I guess it comes down to what do you really want?


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

Thats exactly what i told her. That I was robbed of a honeymoon phase in our marraige. And the same guy which dumped her many years ago bc she still lived with her ex bf bc of a house they bought together. He left her bc she lived with her ex and he could never see her like he wanted....well I was the one who stuck with her and stayed the almost year it took before their house sold. He didnt. And when he was contacting her 2 months before the marraige she told him that. He was trying to get into her head before my mearraige (when she correctfully refused his facebook messages or textsetc) and then after 3 months into our maraige when they were at the same wedding together and apparantly alot of drunk mmoents where he professed his love to her. I think he caught her at a vulnerable moment and she didnt shut him down like before.

So yes I feel like my honeymoon phase was robbed. 2 weeks before i found out about him she had told him they werent going to be together etc. And I noticed by her mood change and sex everyday kind of thing. but there was still a little contact like 3 texts a day. wwe did almost have to put our whch is her dog down and I of course went with her and help pay $1500 to have a emergency surgery. I think thats when she knew i would be there for her in those times not him. But 2 weeks after she said she told him i still found out which im glad i did but other times i think i wish i didnt. I talked to her sister and she says i will either have to end it or take a leap of faith and begin to rebuild. and that maybe in all wierdness it was a good thing this happened bc maybe she thought the grass was greener on otherside or maybe she felt the full imapct of being married and being with only one person. Maybe it will make our marraige stronger traveling the broken road she did. But I never EVER would think she could of had an affair. And one kiss and texts and calls is an affair to me. I just dont know how to act if i should act sweet and distant . Her childhood was horrible she moved with her mom everywhere while she dated men that beat her, mistreated her and her mother etc...while her mother had a child with another man whhen she was married to her dad. I wanted to tell her she turned out just like her mom. bt it is such a sensitive subject. She is very sensitive and emotionaly and i just lost on how to proceed


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Have you considered annulment? 4 months is too short a time for an affair


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> it's disheartening seeing so many marriages that should be in the honeymoon phase already meeting infidelity
> 
> I guess it comes down to what do you really want?




Agreed. 4 months into a marriage and she's wandering already. She should be deeply in love. But obviously she's not.





> Well after reviewing her phone records he began to chase her again starting that weekend. It went on for 5 weeks. Some test were up to 50 a day. Anyways during this whole time she told me she wanted space and and that she wasnt happy yada yada. She even almost talked about moving out for a month or two. We have only been married 4 months so i was totalling confused. But when i saw her phone texts and messages i figured it out. he was under a girls name...We have been together 3 years. This totally isnt her and I never even knew she was capable of this.
> 
> ...
> 
> She said he told her things that made her feel good etc etc. I was pissed.


She can fall out of love within 2 months of marriage. Not a good sign for the future, I'm sorry to say.

She's currently on the defensive or survival mode, and she'll say anything. So, take anything she says with a lot of skepticism. 

My suggestion: decide for yourself if you want to stay in a rocky marriage or start anew.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Read your 2nd post. She seems to be still in love with her ex, and you are the rebound guy. So, I suppose you know the cliche about rebound relationship applies here.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You deserve better than this. Seek an annulment.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Wait enough pu$$yfooting around with solutions and suggestions... there is no solution, you bought a lemon. 

really? are you kidding me? 4 months into a marriage and she has an affair with a guy she was seeing while living with another guy, not clear but somehow you were in that picture too... 

Im sorry, and I dont mean to be rude because I want nothing more than to help stop your pain. Giving you any suggestion on fixing this marriage, may give you hope, which I think is a disservice to you. 

this is NOT looking into a crystal ball, or fortune telling. This is having a copy of tomorrows newspaper. This ride your on is going to wrap around a tree.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Wait enough pu$$yfooting around with solutions and suggestions... there is no solution, you bought a lemon.
> 
> really? are you kidding me? 4 months into a marriage and she has an affair with a guy she was seeing while living with another guy, not clear but somehow you were in that picture too...
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:

truely great advice.

She did this at the 4 month in mark! BTW how far did it go at the wedding with him? Did it go PA? Maybe you need to work on finding the truth before you make any decisions.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

resentfulinnovember said:


> Here is the story. My wife had been acting distant for a month and I knew something wasnt right. Well *she had gone to a wedding in florida* that i could nt make bc of work. A*n old frined of hers was there* who had been facebooking her in the past but she always blew him off. Well after reviewing her phone records he began to chase her again starting that weekend. It went on for 5 weeks. Some test were up to 50 a day.



It is possible that she had sex with the OM when in Florida. That's probably why she came back changed significantly.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Sorry dude, I have a feeling you're not getting the full story here. She went to a wedding in Florida that you were unable to attend, but he was there?

One thing you'll learn about cheaters is that if their mouth is moving, they're lying. Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum of what truely happened to make it seem less than what it truely is.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

No I read her text messages to her friends asking them how to tell me about it. He kissed her and she pulled away. I wouldnt of beleived it if i didnt read it being written to her friends. As far as the living with another guy when I met her. She was with him for 4 years since highschool then they broke up. but they had a house together and he wouldnt leave after the break up and she had nowhere to go so they had to live there for over a year being broke up. She dated other people as did he. Of course when she told the people she was dating that she still lived with her ex bc of owning the house together most left...as did this guy. But I looked passed it as we fell in love. She was in process of telling me from what i read in the messages to her girlfriends on what to do. I know she is still in love with me and although i have a big heart im not a dumbass and will let a girl walk over me like that. She didnt have sex with him or meet him. It was an EA. Ive been with her over 3 yrs and I can tell since she is so sensitive wherre she stands and commitment etc. I gave her the chance to leave before and after I found out about the affair. Trust me I didnt beleive any of it until i snooped into her phone and saw the messages myself. about how to tell me and and telling him not to contact her again etc. I love her and want to move forward but am just worried that she can have an emotional attachment like just happened. The fact that he tried before the wedding makes me upset but she did tell him to stop and leave her alone. I know i wasnt giving her love units in a certain area and I wouldnt go out with her alot of nights and I think since they already had a past the seed was there. She stopped it on her own is one of the only reasons im giving her a second chance but the main reason is bc of love. But love doesnt do that to a person I know. Welcome to my world. Maybe I should find a girl on the side to let her know how it feels or possibly to move on i dunno.

btw
annulments arent like you say. There must be fraud involved you cant just get an anullment. Trime periods dont matter. I looked it up.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

I verified everything via her phone records. and she told me everything and how it played out. She told me the same story as her texts to her GF. The 1st call to her phone was from him the night of the wedding. There were no other calls AT ALL 5 months back to where records werent accessible. I Told her sister and spoke to her best friend for advice as well. I did it to make he feel the shameof what she had done but also for advice since i have noone to talk to.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

With her history, and now her cheating on you within 4 months, you should consider an annulment. We are talking 3 months of marriage and she cheats. She learned from her mom that you use sex to manipulate men. And she is following right along. Please do not consider having children with her. They will chain you to her for life. Why in the world would you marry someone who was living with her ex and screwing some other guy, and now its your turn. Annulment is my advice.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

He was a room mate at that point for over 1.5 yrs. I helped her sell the house and move out. She wasnt having sex with another guy either. I dont know where you are gettnig that from. a year before she dated me she date the guy she had a EA with. but since she still had to live under same roof as her ex. he bailed. She doesnt just have sex with anyone and i am her 3rd. While she still owned the house with him and we were dating...she would stay at my house most everynight anyways. this doesnt pertain to anything. she was single and he wouldnt leave the house bc he was on mortgage, which i dont pblame him for not leaving. they didnt move out until a short sale. I understand not living through the facts like i have but that has no bearing here.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

Ive seen people who got cheated on by the person having sex this was only an EA and people are working that out. If that had happened I wouldnt of even thought about giving her a second chance. the only reason i am is bc before i found out she told him to stop contacting her. I know i might be a little biased and maybe some of you had a spouse that cheated on them and you didnt work out. but this isnt a cookie cutter case. and it is easy to say leave her. maybe bc someone left you. It is easy to be left bc you have no choice. I gave her the out to leave twice. I even said your only staying bc you got caught. crying she told me she would leave now if thats who she wanted and she wouldnt sit through watching me in such pain and living a lie. That opportunity would be her out. But she doesnt want that.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

she has no history of cheating she had been in 2 longgg term relationships before mine FYI. so there is no history. SHe had never cheated


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Most posters here are saying to divorce because we all know just how damn hard it is to have a successful R even when the cheating spouse does the heavy lifting, thus when they see someone young and just starting their marriage they figure it will be much easier for you to sever ties now than to go through your whole marriage always wondering if she will cheat again (and the chances are good she will)

That said I see no one is convincing you of that yet. Perhaps you need to live through it rather than take our word for it.

So if you want to try R then I will give you the best advice I can

I am on my phone so give me a moment and I will post some things for you when I get to my computer

In the meantime read some of the links in my signature
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

well you've explained away everything quite nicely. it was just a simple mistake in judgement by her, your marriage and your wife are different. We misunderstood.

False alarm. This isn't one of _those_ affairs.

Not a big deal, it'll probably never happen again and Im sure she told you everything. Afterall, she is _your_ wife.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

OK, then what to do. Rug sweep isn't an option here. She actively hid him from you under a girls name. She clearly knew it was wrong, and clearly was taking steps to conceal her affair.

If you let her stay, she needs to give you full transparency, and send him a full NC letter after she shows it to you.

It needs to be blunt - telling him to stop. He has lost, and to slink back into the swamp.

I'd suggest that she changes her email and phone #, and that she gives you old accounts pwd, and the old phone #. when he reaches out to her, you'll be the one - not him.

He sounds like a sleaze ball, so expect 100% him to come fishing again.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

i told you all of what i knew and apparently extra stuff that people misjudged as to giving her a history. If she was already planning on telling me and already in texts told him to quit contacting her. that to me seems like a step in the right direction. it was a month in duration as I verified all the phone and text messages via her phone bill. I have told you all thefacts i know. and the first comment out of many were duump her shes a cheater. noones marraige is cookie cutter simple. And you might be able to just cut and run and have been cut from but maybe im stupid we will see. But it is in more depth then alot of these reponses.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

Thanks shaggy. She already gave me all that info the day of when i found out. she also deleted her facebook. She even deleted her words with friends accoutn bc there is a chat on that....Which i didnt even think of. which really showed me how serious she was. I have been the most pessimistic in the aftermath and have decided to work on the marraige after she already decided to stop contact with him. I even told her that he will come calling again. When i told her to tell himn to never contact her again he responded with. I will always love you...thats when i realized the stance of where they might of been before she tld him it wasnt going to happen.
But I check her phone records her phone to see if she deletes any texts that are on bill and not on phone. I feel wierd snooping but I have too...I have always had all her accounts passwords anyways...we have always been open about everything. thats why it was such a surprise and so obvious that month that it happened


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lay down what you need for a shot at R-


1) No contact- she is to write a letter to the OM stating that her marriage is her top priority now and that she will no longer want any contact at all with him and he is to never to contact her again. If the OM contacts her then she is to ignore it and tell you of it right away (she should shut down her accounts or block them depending on the venue of communication)

2) Complete transparency- she is to give up all passwords to every email or account, allow you access to her phone when you want and tell you of her actions and where she is going. She cannot complain if you are snooping and allow to do what you need to verify her actions. IOW her privacy is now null and void. You should also without telling her install spy tech to verify this. Use VAR's, keyloggers, GPS, etc

3) She has to demonstrate true remorse by not only words by her actions- she has to do the heavy lifting as we say. She must answer everything truthfully and tell you everything right away. If you require her to do IC or MC then she must comply. She has to bear the brunt of your pain.

4) start spending more time together one on one, start finding things to do together and strengthen your bond. Start openly talk about problems and being honest about your needs and wants.

5) You should also look to expose (OM to his wife or SO or his family). Do not tell her that you are exposing.

lastly, as I stated before, I think R might be a mistake for such a young marriage, but it's your choice to make. Do know that it will take 2-5 years to heal from this IF she does the right things, that's quite a chunk of time that could be better spent on someone more deserving.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you are going to R, then "How do I act from here on out?"

Be you. Be the best you, you can be. And the best husband you can be. Take care of your wife. Don't talk about what she did, if you believe she has told you everything.

While doing the above .... Keep your eyes open. Check email, texts, etc. Protect yourself.

Don't have children for a few years. Make sure that she is, who you think she is.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

No one's trying to attack you, Resentful. It's more "been there, done that."

You say no one's marriage is the same. True enough, but you might well be surprised how many of these wandering spouses do the EXACT SAME THING, over and over and over, ad nauseum.

When people are saying "annulment" or "divorce," it's because your marriage is so new... it's a very bad situation to be in, so early on. Many relationships with years and years behind them can't survive the circumstances you describe!

Almostrecovered makes some excellent points, including his final point... it's a lot of time and energy to heal from this. 


Be wary. Be cautious. Good luck.


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

what is VAR? and R? 
Yes I know im taking a big chance in her but she is not this person and she still cant get over it. She thinks she has ruined it forever. and maybe she has


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

resentfulinnovember said:


> what is VAR? and R?
> Yes I know im taking a big chance in her but she is not this person and she still cant get over it. She thinks she has ruined it forever. and maybe she has



voice activated recorder and reconciliation

click the newbie link in my signature and go to the second page for the abbreviations of the forum


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## resentfulinnovember (Nov 23, 2011)

gotcha


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My advice is divorce her and find someone who will love you and be true to you. You only have one life and you deserve a better life then to be with a cheater. Your dreams with her are smashed at the moment and recovery may happen, but I would not get my hopes up at the moment. 

I was where you are at last year, June 2010. Did most of what was required, keylogger, tracking, shared emails, passwords, counseling for me.

But over time I just let my guard down as it was just too damn stressful and our agreement was that it was all on her to keep things honest. That if there was a next time she better tell me and come clean on her own. I told her if there was a next time that it would not go as easy as this time went for her.

I am sure she is doing it again though this time she is more knowlegdeable about technology.

If your spouse is truely remorseful you might have a chance, MIGHT, maybe, perhaps.

I love my wife and she was everything to me and I did not want to lose that. But, she freely gave it away. I did nothing to deserve this.

When she had an EA last year it tore me to bits. Killed something inside me. 

I am resilent and have served in the military for over 35 years. I have seen men killed in combat in Iraq, as hard as that was I will say that my wife's EA has been the most horrible emotional experience I have ever gone through. And now it looks as if she has started it all over again. This time I am smarter and have controll over my emotions. I am doing the 180 and she seems clueless. 

Cheaters make their own choices. The odds of you surviving this are not very good. Wait till you think you are over it and then wham a trigger sets off rage inside of you and you hold it back and just smile at your wife, who thinks everything is just fine. Wait till your anger builds again and again after you thought the pain and anguish is over. Wait till your adoring bride acts as if nothing ever happened and your heart is still in pieces. 

I hope the best for you, but as a professional counselor, who has thousand of hours of clinical experience and also personnal experience, the odds of your spouse following the straight and narrow are not very favorable. We all want the most favorable outcomes. We all believe it can't happen to us. Yet, I was told in training over and over again by professional clinicians that these things can happen to the best of us.

In the end you will make a decision. It will never be the best one. There is no best one. There are no winners in this game we call love when the vows of marriage are broken. 

We who have fought in war know that there are no winners. We may feel like victors when the battle is won, but most of us know the pain of loss long after the battle is over.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If you are gonna stay, and do a R., then you do not become mr. nice--guy---for a long period of time-----she must KNOW, that she has attempted to murder, your mge., and that just doesn't go away/get swept under the rug.

She has to be made accountable,, and you have to be harsh, and strong or she will know that you were, soft this time, and she will figure she can cheat again, with no consequences---later on, should there be temptations.

You need to set up strict boundaries, with actionable consequences, NOT TALK, but ACTION

The consequence, next time, will of course be D., and she must have it firmly implanted on her---from now on you will have ZERO TOLERANCE


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## HusbandInPain (Nov 8, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> My advice is divorce her and find someone who will love you and be true to you. You only have one life and you deserve a better life then to be with a cheater. Your dreams with her are smashed at the moment and recovery may happen, but I would not get my hopes up at the moment.
> 
> I was where you are at last year, June 2010. Did most of what was required, keylogger, tracking, shared emails, passwords, counseling for me.
> 
> ...


Very nicely said. I served in the British army for several years ad also saw combat. And yet my wife's affair has definitely been the most traumatic, painful thing I have ever experienced.


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## Gerrard (Aug 25, 2014)

Ok, here’s an update from the last week. 

Things have been going ok, and I’ve seen a steady improvement in her. The psychologist sessions don’t seem to be influencing much at this stage though. But the big news is that with enough pressure she finally sat down with me and explained the nature of the EA, or start of it. They work together. He’s in a separate department so they don’t see much of each other. But in July they started talking quite a lot, she admits she started flirting, holding eye contact across the room, etc (that hurt me like hell). He told her she’s awesome, looked disappointed when he learned she’s married (not sure why the douche didn’t look at her finger). He basically told her he’s got involved with a married person before, but never will again, and has encouraged her to work on the marriage. After hearing about what I’m like from her he told her good guys are hard to find, and she must remember the man she married, and why. Not sure what to make of that. They spoke feelings a couple of times. When lying recovering from the operation they would message quite a bit. Eventually my wife said to him it’s not right and they must stop. Messaging has stopped for the last 3 weeks. All feelings talk stopped 3 weeks ago. She admitted what she likes about him is that he does adventure activities like mountain climbing, hang gliding etc, which I do not. He is much bigger than me, although I have a good shape and decently toned. I explained to my wife the Alpha / Beta philosophy of Athol Kay, and she understood completely, and agreed. I’ve checked things out and found nothing, so I’m 99% sure this is all true and the true extent of it. I think for 3-4 weeks there was a real infatuation phase happening, but day by day she’s slowly getting out of it. When she said all this to me I kept calm, and never freaked out at all. I think somehow a major barrier has been crossed. After telling me all this and from my understanding and forgiveness, she tearfully and emotionally said to me ‘I f&cking love you’. Physically we’re slowly getting back to being active in the bedroom, with a couple of very good occasions that she even said afterwards was very good. 

The start of this EA was when we were going through quite a lull, I had become complacent, we were doing the same stuff day after day month after month, and had a few bad fights around the time. I think it was ripe for happening, but that doesn’t make it acceptable or easier to handle. We’ve both now recognise where we were going wrong. I’ve evaluated the whole thing and I’m guilty somewhat of becoming lazy in the marriage. I’m not making excuses for her – it was still very wrong. But as I said, I recognise that we both have to look at ourselves and realise that marriage requires work. I firmly believe that because of all this we may end up even better than before. We seem to be on the way there. When all is said and done I find myself very much in love with her. There was a day or two a couple of weeks ago when I was ready to walk, but she is changing.

In terms of myself, I’ve started yoga, have made contact with a good mate that I’ve lost touch with and we’re planning stuff again. With another mate I’m looking at guitars, which I’ve always wanted to. And strangely enough for me because I’m not a religious man, I’m finding a lot of value in the teachings of Buddhism. 

What disturbs me quite a bit is that a lot of this happened on Friday evenings during drinks after work which is a regular occurrence there. Sometimes my wife will come home at 9 from these, very drunk. I made it clear this is really not on anymore, but recognise that she still may do this from time to time, but earlier and less drinking. I can’t be controlling. Trouble is, this guy is still part of a group of work friends, so he’ll still be around. She says she’s moving on, and I genuinely do believe her. I’ve seen it in her behaviour. But she says he’ll still be around and a sort of guy friend in the group. 

Any ideas how I make peace with the fact that he’ll continue to be around?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

??????????????????????????


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Gerrard said:


> Ok, here’s an update from the last week.
> 
> Things have been going ok, and I’ve seen a steady improvement in her. The psychologist sessions don’t seem to be influencing much at this stage though. But the big news is that with enough pressure she finally sat down with me and explained the nature of the EA, or start of it. They work together. He’s in a separate department so they don’t see much of each other. But in July they started talking quite a lot, she admits she started flirting, holding eye contact across the room, etc (that hurt me like hell). He told her she’s awesome, looked disappointed when he learned she’s married (not sure why the douche didn’t look at her finger). He basically told her he’s got involved with a married person before, but never will again, and has encouraged her to work on the marriage. After hearing about what I’m like from her he told her good guys are hard to find, and she must remember the man she married, and why. Not sure what to make of that. They spoke feelings a couple of times. When lying recovering from the operation they would message quite a bit. Eventually my wife said to him it’s not right and they must stop. Messaging has stopped for the last 3 weeks. All feelings talk stopped 3 weeks ago. She admitted what she likes about him is that he does adventure activities like mountain climbing, hang gliding etc, which I do not. He is much bigger than me, although I have a good shape and decently toned. I explained to my wife the Alpha / Beta philosophy of Athol Kay, and she understood completely, and agreed. I’ve checked things out and found nothing, so I’m 99% sure this is all true and the true extent of it. I think for 3-4 weeks there was a real infatuation phase happening, but day by day she’s slowly getting out of it. When she said all this to me I kept calm, and never freaked out at all. I think somehow a major barrier has been crossed. After telling me all this and from my understanding and forgiveness, she tearfully and emotionally said to me ‘I f&cking love you’. Physically we’re slowly getting back to being active in the bedroom, with a couple of very good occasions that she even said afterwards was very good.
> 
> ...


Who is this and what has it got to do with this thread ?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Who is this and what has it got to do with this thread ?


Not sure what the deal is with this "2nd" "OP", but he should stop cooking with aluminum pans.

I read the posts from the "real" OP and have to say, this guy is like a babe in the woods.

His WS lives with an xbf while he's dating her. Someone that she had a sexual past with, yet he believed that she never had sex with him while he was dating her.

She went to Florida, ALONE, with someone that she had a sexual past with, yet he believed that she didn't have sex with him while was playing slap and tickle with him at the wedding.

He said that she was sorry and we never heard from him again...

I have to wonder if the xbf felt slighted, contacted the OP and let him know that she indeed had sex with him... If this had a happy ending, I think that he'd have posted about it here.

I guess we'll never know


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

resentfulinnovember said:


> I wanted to tell her she turned out just like her mom. bt it is such a sensitive subject. She is very sensitive and emotionaly and i just lost on how to proceed


 Well friend let me tell you what you don't want to here. She is a lot like her mother. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

You've only been married for four months FOUR MONTHS, and she's cheating. A EA is cheating. She lied to you and the proof is by her hiding his number in her phone by putting it in a girls name. 

I went through something similar but far worse than you a long long time ago with a girl who I loved like crazy and she came from a not so good family and had a mother who would never win the Mother Of The Year Award, because she was a run around tramp. 

She used people and her daughter learned from her and I guess to her this was the norm and I paid the price for it. She told me she was pregnant and I married her and two weeks later I found out it wasn't mine. Funny thing was her mother did the same thing.

OK. Stop trying to be the hero on the white horse galloping into town to save the damsel in distress and start thinking in reality.

This happened four months into your marriage and IMO, your getting a preview of what your marriage is going to be in the future. If there's anyone that needs to be saved, it's you from any more of the same thing.

Right now you have a chance to get out clean and start over. Wait for another few years when there might be a kid involved or a house and property and the way the courts are, you'll likely be skinned alive so it would be smart to bottle that sympathy you have for her and think about yourself because whether you want to believe it or not, she's thinking of herself and whats best for her and her only. Your choice.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

methinks someone was doing a search on EA's and accidentally posted his update in a zombie thread


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> methinks someone was doing a search on EA's and accidentally posted his update in a zombie thread


Yep....


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Z o m b i e s. 

Fun. Pull!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well at least a post of mine from 3 years ago got a like, so it's not all bad


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> well at least a post of mine from 3 years ago got a like, so it's not all bad


Wisdom that stood the test of time!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well at least a post of mine from 3 years ago got a like, so it's not all bad


Now you have 2


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

gerard has a post in the considering divorce separation section

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...reconsidering-us-im-complete-wreck-about.html

Fate made him post here because he really hasn't got a clue and is in total denial


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

did someone mention zombies???? ive been training half my life for this day!!!!


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