# Sex after Penectomy: Update



## gourlegr (May 5, 2013)

Whew. I know I have not been on here awhile, but I saw all the comments on my original post and thought I should give an update on my condition. However, before I do that, I thought I should clarify some things:
1. When I had my penectomy, it was a radical penectomy. That means the doctor removed the entire shaft of the penis. He said this was necessary since the cancer was severe enough that without a radical penectomy, the cancer might have spread to other parts of my body. There is nothing left. I now have a hole above my testis where my urethra has been rerouted so I can urinate.
2. Some wondered about chemotherapy and how this may have affected my sex life. While I did briefly take chemotherapy, the doctor said this was mostly a precautionary measure to ensure the cancer did not spread. I went off it relatively quickly, after which my libido recovered.
3. The doctors have said penile reconstruction is impossible due to specific medical issues I would prefer not to get into here.
Anyway, I thought I would explained how I have handled my situation so far. Since I last posted, my wife and I have tried to talk to a sex therapist about how I can relieve my sexual urges. As I said before, I get aroused, but without a penis, I cannot get any release though ejaculation. The therapist suggested, since I do not have any penis left, my wife or I could massage my testicles to get an orgasm (or at least an orgasm-like experience). After trying this several times at home, I just ended up hurting myself, so that was out. I told the therapist my wife and I were having a lot of cunnilingus, so she said that rather than trying in vain to bring myself to orgasm, I should stick to pleasuring my wife for awhile. That what we have been doing for awhile. Then recently, I funny thing happened while I was eating out my wife and she was climaxing: I also felt like I was climaxing too . Given, it wasn't like what I used to do, but I still felt immense pleasure. This has happened several times since. The therapist said my brain may be rewiring itself so I can feel pleasure by giving my wife pleasure. Anyway, that my story.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Do you still have a prostate?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Oh, and I just wanted to mention that I admire your strength of character. I know for a fact that I would be divorced and pushing everyone I know away if I were in your shoes. It would be way more than I could handle, so kudos to you for trying to keep it together.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm glad to hear you are finding ways to adapt. That is a really harsh opportunity to deal with. Hoping the best for you and your wife!


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## KarlBig (Nov 1, 2013)

Every woman should envy your wife  Also the therapist is right. It's best not to force things, it may take a very long time to learn the new ways, but when you do learn it, you'll see how great it is (in my experience, much better than the traditional way, even though I haven't lost anything). The body and brain will figure it out, but it needs time to accomodate. You're already finding ways, which is great. You two will have lots of fun experimenting together 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Thank you for the update, I'm glad you are healthy, you have a great wife, and that you are adjusting.


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## billgour (Oct 31, 2010)

So billgour, I think you have discovered really important. In my experience, cunnilingus is a much better way to please a woman than intercourse. With the latter, you have to worry about losing erections, ejaculating too soon, not stimulating the clitoris, etc. In fact, if it were up to me, cunnilingus would be the basic sexual act, while PIV intercourse would be at best a side dish, so to speak. My wife has numerous times pushed my head down when we are making out to show how I can really please her.:lol: So while no man want to lose his penis, not having one might actually make sex better.


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## machaladoz (Nov 2, 2013)

It would be way more than I could handle, so kudos to you for trying to keep it together.


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## Darkflower (Dec 2, 2011)

So glad things have worked out for your wife and yourself, OP!

Just in case you want to continue to explore:

Prostate Massagers, Kegel Exerciser - Hands Free Products by Aneros

As you notice, these are hands free, meaning your hands and mouth are free to explore and please your wife, while you are also being pleased.


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## hernpaqa (Nov 4, 2013)

It would be way more than I could handle, so kudos to you for trying to keep it together.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

good to hear


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

=Wow!! I don't know what to say except great job and great attitude. Amazing


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

billgour said:


> So billgour, I think you have discovered really important. In my experience, cunnilingus is a much better way to please a woman than intercourse. With the latter, you have to worry about losing erections, ejaculating too soon, not stimulating the clitoris, etc. In fact, if it were up to me, cunnilingus would be the basic sexual act, while PIV intercourse would be at best a side dish, so to speak. My wife has numerous times pushed my head down when we are making out to show how I can really please her.:lol: So while no man want to lose his penis, not having one might actually make sex better.


There was a"Pleasuring women" book written by a Sex Therapist, his issue was Premature Ejaculation...and because it was such an awful struggle for him...he got REALLY good with doing oral on women ...or he wouldn't have had any sex life at all....hence the book...(I forget the name at the moment but it's in my library)...so some truth to this... and the majority of women prefer oral.... 

I am the opposite, I get off every time with PIV sex... in fact cunnilingus has only worked for me 2 times....that I can even recall.... my husband loves it - one of his favorite things to do and I know he wishes I could get there more so... I'd be terribly  without the rod personally...

A tremendous blessing if this is his Wife's mode of release though!

I found your story devastating -- I came across it the 1st time.. ..I was speechless, didn't even know a man could live with this happening.......but here -you have taken something most of us can not even fathom ...and have worked it....your story is triumphant , what great attitudes you both have....(I think many would be ANGRY, depressed, the unfairness of it -is through the sky!)....and a testament to your love for each other...and for that... AMAZING.. 

This book could be helpful >> Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse: Books



> In this book, two of America's leading sex and gender experts show readers how to make sex more enjoyable by breaking away from the repetitive mechanics of intercourse. The book describes a path toward more a varied, playful, and intimate sexuality, debunking myths such as "impotence," "frigidity," and "foreplay;" indeed, the book shatters the myth that intercourse equals sex itself.
> 
> "*Let Me Count The Ways*":
> 
> ...





> *gourlegr said*: *Then recently, I funny thing happened while I was eating out my wife and she was climaxing: I also felt like I was climaxing too . Given, it wasn't like what I used to do, but I still felt immense pleasure. This has happened several times since. The therapist said my brain may be rewiring itself so I can feel pleasure by giving my wife pleasure. Anyway, that my story*


 Our bodies never cease to amaze us... this rewiring....we somehow adapt.. Again ...you are an amazing man for NOT shutting down and still wanting to please your wife as you are doing.. :smthumbup:


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## kimd (Oct 12, 2013)

"I was speechless, didn't even know a man could live with this happening..."
I agree. My husband says it would be a devastating amputation. Many of the wounded soldiers from the middle east have suffered such an injury to their penis and even castration from land mines. Just recently the military recognized they should compensate the men for the loss of their sex organ. Previously soldiers were paid a sum for the loss of a limb, but not for their manly parts. I also am happy he has a woman who is so understanding.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

kimd said:


> "I was speechless, didn't even know a man could live with this happening..."
> I agree. My husband says it would be a devastating amputation. Many of the wounded soldiers from the middle east have suffered such an injury to their penis and even castration from land mines. Just recently the military recognized they should compensate the men for the loss of their sex organ. Previously soldiers were paid a sum for the loss of a limb, but not for their manly parts. I also am happy he has a woman who is so understanding.


I could not make it....


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## Janna (Nov 6, 2013)

This is a really inspiring story! I admire your determination and obvious deep love for your wife  Thank-you for sharing such a personal story.


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