# Buidling A Plan to Starting Over



## lonelywolf (Mar 2, 2020)

Hello. I believe my marriage has reached its end and I'm looking for advice about starting over. During this marriage I feel like I've lost myself and not sure who I am anymore or feel like I've lost most of myself. I want to move away from this state as I'm not from here and have no family/friends/connections here but, uncertain where would be a good fit. I don't have any savings as I have been carrying the financial weight on my shoulders and uncertain if I will get half of the value of the home or what I will get to keep. The other things I should mention is that I'm disabled and have been out of work for three years. I get some disability for now but, in most areas what I make isn't enough and I'm still trying to fight for more disability. With everything going on I'm not sure where I should start or how to go about it? I'm just wondering if anyone has been in my shoes and where I should start or what good advice you have? Thank you in advance.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

Sounds like you don't have kids tying you to your ex (since you're considering moving away) so thank your lucky stars for that.

When I found myself single again, like you I was also broke, as the divorce wiped out my savings, and living in an area where I didn't have any close friends or family. 

I can't move away, as my daughter is here, and I'm committed to remaining a part of her life. 

I looked at what I wanted to do that I hadn't had time and space to do because of my marriage.

I started taking sailing lessons, reading more, and exercising more. 

I like to drink, so I'd hit the bars and what not, but quickly dialed that back, because: 1) I really didn't have drinking buddies around anymore (all my local acquaintances were married and their wives didn't want them partying with the newly single guy), and 2) it's obviously not a healthy outlet for spending one's time.

I started doing OLD to meet someone, or at least have dates to go on to give me a social outlet. That was fun. I tried not to take it too seriously, but figured if I met someone solid, I would pursue it, and if not, I'd just enjoy being single.

my advice is to spend some time thinking about what you want to do with your life, what would make you happy, and take up a cheap hobby or two, to relax yourself, as you rebuild your finances so you can pursue your later-life's goals, whatever they may be


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

lonelywolf said:


> Hello. I believe my marriage has reached its end and I'm looking for advice about starting over. During this marriage I feel like I've lost myself and not sure who I am anymore or feel like I've lost most of myself. I want to move away from this state as I'm not from here and have no family/friends/connections here but, uncertain where would be a good fit. I don't have any savings as I have been carrying the financial weight on my shoulders and uncertain if I will get half of the value of the home or what I will get to keep. The other things I should mention is that I'm disabled and have been out of work for three years. I get some disability for now but, in most areas what I make isn't enough and I'm still trying to fight for more disability. With everything going on I'm not sure where I should start or how to go about it? I'm just wondering if anyone has been in my shoes and where I should start or what good advice you have? Thank you in advance.


Try websites like Meetup or VolunteerMatch. Both are websites that can help you find things you are interested in and meet new people with similar interests. Many of the groups and opportunities are virtual so you should be able to find something that fits in with your comfort level. It's a good way to meet people that you will get along with.

As for wanting to move away but being unsure where to go, can you try narrowing it down? Is there a certain climate you prefer or that are better for your disability? Also, some areas are far more expensive than others so that is a factor as well. Do you have friends and family anywhere? That could be a factor. Is there anywhere you traveled that you loved? Etc.


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