# My parents hate my husband and want me to divorce him



## camilla (May 6, 2013)

Hi everyone, my situation is sort of complicated but please hear me out. I was born in Russia and came to America to study. I met my husband in college and we fell in love very quickly. First time I met him he was a funny guy who was very charming and sweet to me. I was 18 at a time and he was 22 and it seemed to me like there was no one better in the world for me. I came from a family that is very difficult and abusive. My parents have fought their entire relationship and my mother is a tyrant who cares only about herself. At times I would feel so bad because of my parents' fights that I would think of killing myself. I mean I never starved and I had everything any other kid had and more but I always felt mentally pressured. I almost always felt miserable at home. My husband also came from a big family of 4 kids but his family isn't great either. His dad is an ******* (pardon my language) and his mom takes a huge dose of antidepressants every day to feel happy. My husband raised himself because his mom couldn't handle anything and his dad only yelled at him. Growing up my husband had problems at school and drank a lot in high school. When I met him I didn't think that it would affect me later. His problematic childhood is really affecting us now. It all started from him coming home late and acting very suspiciously. I would ask him what's wrong and he would mumble something and fall asleep. I started to get worried after it happened two,four, five more times and I slowly started to realize that he is drinking pretty regularly. Before marriage it didn't seem like a big deal because we didn't live together all the time and I allowed him to hang out with his friends anytime. After our marriage everything started spiralling down, he would get wasted regularly, I would cry and we would fight over the same thing. I begged him not to drink and he promised me he wouldn't . It is like a constant battle. We've been married for almost 2 years and I've gone through so much with him..Not to mention the time I snapped and cut myself. It is very awful, I know, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Okay, now he's become better over time and he is trying to quit drinking. We both moved to Russia for a year and a half and it's been a torture here too. My parents absolutely can't stand him. Especially after the time I cut myself, they know I am not some depressed psycho and they were shocked to know that I wanted to end my life. My husband can't work in Russia yet so they expect him to learn Russian and he does but it's not going too great. My parents are mad thinhking that he doesn't want to learn Russian because he doesn't want to communicate to them. They call him an idiot and an alcoholic. He did screw up at my parents house by getting drunk 4 times! I couldn't believe it. Now he's apologized to everyone and announced that he is quitting a 100 %. I told him I am leaving him if he breaks his promise one more time. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I have awful relationship with my parents now and they think I am crazy that I want to stay with my husband. They call him so many awful words and they barely want him in their house. He does help around the house(cleans,cooks and etc,)when I am at work. What should I do? Since my husband doesn't talk to them, I am the one who take the brunt of everything. I am tired but I want this relationship to work. I want my parents to like us and I want my husband to change. Can it work or we are doomed??


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I know that Alcoholics Anonymous is global, so first your H needs to start attending AA DAILY! You need to start attending Alanon daily. Google it with your city name and you'll find places and time of meeting.

Your husband is in a country where he doesn't speak the language, doesn't have a job, doesn't have support from friends and family and has to rely on you for everything. Not the healthiest way to live and grow as a person. He is in a tight spot living there and getting healthy is going to be doubly hard.

There are some serious strikes against this relationship but anything can happen. Can you move to a country where he speakers the language? Can he hook up with other ex-pats to find his own support network?

You must defend your husband against your family. They are not making this better but are making it worse. If your family cannot be supportive of your relationship with your husband, maybe you need to be away from them.

Your marriage won't get better until your husband has control over his drinking and is working the sober process. He can do that, even under the circumstances you two live under, but that is a LOT of stress that can easily shut down healing attempts.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

You should move back to America really, he'll find it hard trying to get a job in a country which language he doesn't even know! He may be depressed about that. 

Do you live with your parents?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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