# For men: sex vs. love



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Men,

my husband says I should not confuse sex with love. He loves me, and he enjoys sex with me, but says they are not related. 

I have an emotional connection during sex, although I would say I am mostly lustful rather than feeling love at those times. When we are in certain positions and I am just enjoying our closeness I do feel love, but then when I am doing things to bring me to orgasm it is just physical again.

Q: do you feel any love or emotions when you are having sex with your wife? Or is it just physical?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I can't have sex without an emotional attachment. I need an emotional bond in order to feel it and get into it. In fact, I don't "have sex" with my wife. I make love to her. I have never been one to have a one night stand, get a hooker, etc.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Perhaps if there were more DanF's in the world it would be a better place!
Here's my take on it - as a man - there is a time for 'sex' and there is a time for 'love making'. 
Sex - is when I am feeling really horny and just need it, want it. Basically I need to 'shoot my load'...it might only take me 2 minutes and be on the kitchen table. Its very physical.
Love Making - starts with a romantic evening, dinner etc and is slow and very sensuous when you really get into each other. Its mind blowing and you really 'connect' both physically and emotionally with your partner.

There is a time for both scenarios in a marriage.

My only wish was that my own wife would be interested in anyform of sex more than 4 x a year!

SaraAnn - hope this helps!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

jezza said:


> Perhaps if there were more DanF's in the world it would be a better place!


Be careful what you wish for...:lol:


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

But there and again.....!!


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

There is room for both in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having sex just for sex. However, if a man NEVER feels an emotional bond during sex then I think something is missing.

A healthy relationship needs both. I think the extreme of ALWAYS having sex represent something very serious and romantic that can only be achieved with flowers and candlelit dinners is also missing something. There is nothing wrong with treating sex as something fun that can be enjoyed without overly romantic airs.

So to each his own but I think for most people there is not a single approach to sex to be used every single time.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband said a lot of men can **** anything when they are hungry. With emotion involved or without emotion involved, young or old, pretty or plain, slim or heavy, tall or short, any type! 

But he said sex with a woman you love is much more enjoyable! The feeling is different. 

Sex with a call girl, you pay, she serves, you don't feel the need to do anything to please her. (He never had any serious relationships with any women before he met me, he knew he wasn't ready for marriage, he didn't want to break any women's heart. Looking for call girls was the way he solved his needs!)

But with his wife, he does all his best to please and pleasure me! He knows fulfilling my needs is very important!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Agree with Dan F and jezza-I would much rather have an emotional connection than casual sex. Incidentally, there are times when I have to "blow my load" and I would love to clear off the table with one sweep and do my W there, but unfortunately, we have this cheap IKEA furniture...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Again, women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex. It's not as simple as an I love you I don't love you thing.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I think more and more women now can enjoy just sex without love and commitments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

My theory is that as soon as a strong emotion connection is made by a man, he needs sex for the feeling of security over those emotions far more than women do. I stand by the idea that men connect love to "sex" (meaning SEX not all the mooshy cuddly foreplay) more than women. Otherwise they would not jump to feeling unloved when they aren't geting it from the woman.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Again, women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex. It's not as simple as an I love you I don't love you thing.


Actually, in my experience as a woman, I am more likely to use sex to GIVE love because that is what the man seems to take as "i love you"... Me.... I take sex for sex and though there is emotion there, it is on the lower end of my "i love you" language... it is more a result of the rest.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

woodstock said:


> My theory is that as soon as a strong emotion connection is made by a man, he needs sex for the feeling of security over those emotions far more than women do. I stand by the idea that men connect love to "sex" (meaning SEX not all the mooshy cuddly foreplay) more than women. Otherwise they would not jump to feeling unloved when they aren't geting it from the woman.



omg....yes that makes so much sense!


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

surfergirl said:


> omg....yes that makes so much sense!


Recently talked about this with my SO and he had an "ah ha" moment and said "Holy sh*t, you're right"... I always knew, since our first fallout, that he needed sex to have security in our relationship, while I love the sex, I need totally different things to find that same security. Seems it has been that way in all my adult relationships. For him, with our relationship, it is not about just sex, but really is about him having a physical representation of our connection. I totally don't really get that from the sex, but do get it in spades elsewhere.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

to quote my wife's quote of somebody I don't remember but "sex without love, is violence"... there with that said... my take...

for me I can't really call sex without love/emotion sex anymore... I, have to be into someone to have sex with them... there are things that make sex for me exciting thats too personal to expose to a "emotional stranger"...

I can't say there is a true black & white answer for a question like this... so my perspective (not to be rude or offend) without love the ugly term c** bucket comes to mind...


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## jay3171 (Nov 19, 2010)

I believe that the best sex anyone will ever have is with someone they not only know but also with someone they have an emotional connection.

That's not to say that love and sex cannot be separated. They can. 

But the most satisfying sex is with someone you love. At least it is for me. 

I've had casual sex and, yeah, it does the job of getting my rocks off. And anytime I've had sex -- with a serious partner or with someone I'm not serious about -- I've always made sure to bring them off too. 

Fair is fair, I say.

The challenge of sex and the challenge of love -- in a marriage -- is to keep it hot and going throughout the years that you're together with your spouse. 

Too often we let real life -- money, jobs, kids, name the issue of the day -- ruin the love we once had with our spouse. Before you know it, the marriage becomes sexless. And then it becomes loveless. And then someone in the marriage, eventually, leaves.

Love, sex and passion are a need and a vulnerability. If more people understood that when they married, perhaps fewer people would get divorced.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Definitely love, but permeated with lust, power, submission and dirty thoughts 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

For me sex is that emotional connection that bonds us together. That is how my wife shows me love. Complete surrender to me, and acceptance of me.

Without the sex, there is no acceptance, no feeling of love. When the sexual advances are rejected, I am rejected. For me, sex IS love.


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

> Q: do you feel any love or emotions when you are having sex with your wife? Or is it just physical?


There are at least 2 different types of sex.
1. physical act that is just the physical act and fun.
2. making love. Involves intimacy, emotions, your soul, etc...

When my wife and I were swingers, we were very aware of the difference and weren't looking for developing a bond of intimacy with anyone. We had an agreement that if there was ever an emotional bond developing from either side, we stop with that person/couple but remained friends as long as they didn't act like kids about our rejecting their request. 

We declined multiple offers based on the fact that we knew there would be more than physical sex if we proceeded. You know right off if there is a spark between you and someone else. Doesn't have to be mutual but you can tell if there is a spark. We listened to our instincts. We would not do some things due to the nature of it being so personal and intimacy creating (kissing, snuggling, etc...). 

It might sound odd that we can differentiate the difference between sex and making love but kissing is about intimacy. Maybe it was just our feelings and others feel just the opposite. 

*Outside of swinging*
Same thing goes. When my wife and I have sex, there is a difference between the slow-sensual-soul-touching sex and the animalistic-slamed-against-the-wall-biting-and-scratching sex. They are for two completely different needs and feel completely different for both of us.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

anon_4_now said:


> There are at least 2 different types of sex.
> 1. physical act that is just the physical act and fun.
> 2. making love. Involves intimacy, emotions, your soul, etc...
> 
> ...


What caused you to stop swinging?


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

Brennan said:


> What caused you to stop swinging?


Military move from the location where we knew everyone involved. We just didn't pick it up in the new location(s). it was a fun time but not something that we ever look back on and go "you know, we should start swinging again".


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

anon_4_now said:


> Military move from the location where we knew everyone involved. We just didn't pick it up in the new location(s). it was a fun time but not something that we ever look back on and go "you know, we should start swinging again".


This topic is pretty interesting. How long were you married before you did this?


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

Brennan said:


> This topic is pretty interesting. How long were you married before you did this?


We were married for about 5 years when we had our first experience. I don't want to threadjack this. Should we go to PM or another thread?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

anon_4_now said:


> We were married for about 5 years when we had our first experience. I don't want to threadjack this. Should we go to PM or another thread?


Whoops, sorry about the t/j.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am/was a hopeless romantic. Before I was married and had casual relationships with young women if I didn't feel strongly about them I couldn't......perform as well, sack-wise. It just didn't matter.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DanF said:


> I can't have sex without an emotional attachment. I need an emotional bond in order to feel it and get into it. In fact, I don't "have sex" with my wife. I make love to her. I have never been one to have a one night stand, get a hooker, etc.


This is how my husband is. He has told me he could not have sex with just anyone, he does not separate the 2. Even if he found himself single, he is not that type. Just asked him again, he said "Without Love, he would just Yank off"


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