# Hugh Hefner marries Crystal Harris



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

A defense of "May-December" marriages like Hugh Hefner's. - By Christopher Beam - Slate Magazine


Anyone have comments or opinions? 




> Don't Mind the Gap
> 
> A defense of "May-December" marriages like Hugh Hefner's.
> By Christopher Beam
> ...


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

It isn't a "biological imperative" for a man if he needs Viagra or Cialis to be able to get an erection and ejaculate with a 20 something. That's his body's way of saying, enough! At the age of 86, whatever sperm he is producing is inferior to what a younger male would produce, so the biology argument is out, for him. 
For her? She needs to have a successful partner to help raise her children but her biology states that she must procreate with a younger male that has the healthiest sperm possible. So her biology really is have sex and get pregnant with a younger man's child and have her older, successful husband raise it. Slate didn't really touch on that part though. 
I like Hef, always have. Slate didn't need to write an article justifying why Hef would marry somebody so young. Hef himself isn't even justifying it. He likes young women. Period. Hef is not just a name, he is a brand and a lifestyle. He is also wicked sharp. His empire is slipping and he knows this. Magazine sales have sharply declined over the last 10 years, Playboy TV has fewer subscribers and Playboy on satellite radio is having fewer listeners. Nothing like a marriage with a 68 year age gap to stir up some interest from the younger set. Like I said, wicked sharp that man is.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Brennan, thank you for your thoughts.

I view Hefner's marriage as a business/publicity deal, sure enough. 

But I wouldn't rule out biological imperative the moment the plumbing stops working naturally, as emotional happiness, I assume, is still a legitimate pursuit for even a man of old age. 

Sex = emotional connection for a man. 

But the article as a whole, I appreciated the remarks overall, such as the assumptions that physical ages will precipitate certain gaps (power struggles, spouse treating spouse like a child, etc), when in fact, these gaps can just as easily appear in any relationship, regardless of age.

Pandakiss, your opinion is appreciated as well!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I echo both panda's and Brennan's sentiments. I will add that at least Hefner gives hope to old men everywhere. I can't imagine ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER being with him and feel bad for Crystal.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> Brennan, thank you for your thoughts.
> 
> I view Hefner's marriage as a business/publicity deal, sure enough.
> 
> ...


Is an emotional connection for a man a biological imperative? If we are talking purely based on biology, no. Finding the fittest (hip to waist ratio), best looking woman and someone between the ages of 16-25 to mate with is what a man's biology tells him to do. Emotions don't play in to that, it's purely physical. 

In Hef's case, I highly doubt that he has an emotional connection with this woman. He hasn't known her long and the sheer age gap would make it implausible that they have any common ground. I think we all see it for what it really is, business. He has always had a young blonde on his arm and that feeds his image/ego and she has always been taken care of during and after their relationship. 

In some ways, I do feel sorry for him though. He has built his whole world on his lifestyle and image and now, even if he wanted to find someone closer in age to him with more in common, he couldn't. If he suddenly showed up at an event with a 50 year old woman on his arm, his collective male audience would gasp and the image would be ruined. Kind of a catch 22. Wait, isn't that her age?


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Brennan said:


> Is an emotional connection for a man a biological imperative? If we are talking purely based on biology, no. Finding the fittest (hip to waist ratio), best looking woman and someone between the ages of 16-25 to mate with is what a man's biology tells him to do. Emotions don't play in to that, it's purely physical.


Emotions = chemical reactions in brain

Chemical reactions = physical

A man, his emotional happiness is tied to feelings of success, which as well is tied to his sexuality.

Sexuality and emotional happiness, very difficult to separate inside a man's head.

The beautiful blonde on his arm, we can assume is (one of) Heffner's ideal of success, therefore is his emotional bliss.



> In Hef's case, I highly doubt that he has an emotional connection with this woman. He hasn't known her long and the sheer age gap would make it implausible that they have any common ground.


Sexual attraction leads to emotional connection.

Likely, for both Heffner and Harris, there are emotional feelings of "success" in this arrangement.

Also, mostly men do not get into sexual relationships and eventual marriage to a woman simply because she is good at conversation. 



> I think we all see it for what it really is, business. He has always had a young blonde on his arm and that feeds his image/ego and she has always been taken care of during and after their relationship.


Agreed.



> In some ways, I do feel sorry for him though. He has built his whole world on his lifestyle and image and now, even if he wanted to find someone closer in age to him with more in common, he couldn't. If he suddenly showed up at an event with a 50 year old woman on his arm, his collective male audience would gasp and the image would be ruined. Kind of a catch 22. Wait, isn't that her age?


Nothing I can reply to this that would be constructive, other than to say I don't believe Heffner is fretting on this point.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Hmmm, interesting point BBW. If sexuality and emotional happiness are difficult to separate for a man, then how would you explain prostitution? 

I wasn't suggesting that Hef is suffering but I do think that he is lonely. His own adult daughter has touched on this many times.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Brennan said:


> Hmmm, interesting point BBW. If sexuality and emotional happiness are difficult to separate for a man, then how would you explain prostitution?


The same as pornography, it is a fantasy.

But then, how much fantasy do we also imagine in our own day to day "reality"?

"True love", "soul mates", these things, are they not also fantasy?




> I wasn't suggesting that Hef is suffering but I do think that he is lonely. His own adult daughter has touched on this many times.


It's lonely at the top. This is a fact.

Surrounded by so many false friends, rarely meeting your equal. Who to trust, who to open up to, finding a "peer", next to impossible. These tings, they are real causes for loneliness.

Understand I am not defending Heffner, nor would I want to trade my wife for hundreds of heffner playmates. In that, I am very old fashioned and very monogamous.

I would trade my money for his money though.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

For what it's worth, as I posted, I like Hef. He never pretends to be something that he isn't. He was married for 10 years to a very traditional woman and realized that he could not embrace monogamy and divorced his wife. He never cheated. He then built an empire around the idea that a man can be happy with a bevy of hot women around him and men across the world got to live vicariously through him. Later, he married his second wife. He thought he was a changed man at this point and tried to make lifestyle changes but he realized he cannot be that person. He still never cheated. They are still married but have been legally separated for over 15 years. She found someone else and he found many. 
I respect that he was always true to himself. When he could not/would not change that part within him, he didn't lie or sneak around. He owned it and became the person he is today. He makes no apologizes for his behavior because if you play things on the up and up, there is nothing to apologize for.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> The same as pornography, it is a fantasy.
> 
> But then, how much fantasy do we also imagine in our own day to day "reality"?
> 
> ...


I think pornography is a fantasy for men because they can imagine themselves in that act. Prostitution though is not a fantasy. It is real. Right? So how would a man separate emotion from sex in that case? You mentioned that sex gives men that emotional connection. In the case of a prostitute, this puzzles me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If Hugh Hefner lived on social security, there would be no issue to discuss.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Brennan said:


> I think pornography is a fantasy for men because they can imagine themselves in that act. Prostitution though is not a fantasy. It is real. Right? So how would a man separate emotion from sex in that case? You mentioned that sex gives men that emotional connection. In the case of a prostitute, this puzzles me.



The sexual and emotional connection, from sexually dominating his woman.

And having his woman, submit to him sexually and be vulnerable to him, comes the emotional connection. A man, he WILL protect what he perceives as HIS own.

Pornography, this is imagined fantasy.

Prostitute, this is imagined fantasy as well. Although the physical sex is "real" enough, the domination and submission, and any emotional connection that may result, it is negotiated and paid for, so is it real? For myself, it would not be real at all.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> The sexual and emotional connection, from sexually dominating his woman.
> 
> And having his woman, submit to him sexually and be vulnerable to him, comes the emotional connection. A man, he WILL protect what he perceives as HIS own.
> 
> ...


Not to totally derail your thread but you touched on something that I feel is important. I do think so much of the allure of prostitution is that a woman "submits and is vulnerable" to him. The dominant/submissive part is in my opinion a HUGE part of the attraction for men seeking out such activity. It does creep me out.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If he chose to marry her, then she must have something he admires and he wants to give her a name. He had remained a playboy for so many years, he doesn't lack women. 

Her feeling for him is not love, her feeling for him I think it is infatuation, she is charmed by his name, his wealth, his protection. That feeling can last her for quite a couple of years. But it may develop into love, who knows, depends on his man power and his ability of charming woman, or he doesn't care! He doesn't care as long as she doesn't disgrace him in public!

In Chinese history, it was normal for old rich men to have young wives. No matter how old he was, as long as he had money, he could find beautiful young wives from poor families. And she was only one of many wives. After he died, the wives were not allowed to remarry again. A woman was viewed virtuous to be married to only one man; a man was viewed successful to have many wives.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> If he chose to marry her, then she must have something he admires and he wants to give her a name. He had remained a playboy for so many years, he doesn't lack women.
> 
> Her feeling for him is not love, her feeling for him I think it is infatuation, she is charmed by his name, his wealth, his protection. That feeling can last her for quite a couple of years. But it may develop into love, who knows, depends on his man power and his ability of charming woman, or he doesn't care! He doesn't care as long as she doesn't disgrace him in public!
> 
> In Chinese history, it was normal for old rich men to have young wives. No matter how old he was, as long as he had money, he could find beautiful young wives from poor families. And she was only one of many wives. After he died, the wives were not allowed to remarry again. A woman was viewed virtuous to be married to only one man; a man was viewed successful to have many wives.


BBW and I agree on this, it is about publicity for his failing empire. It isn't about love or admiration. It is business, pure and simple. Hey, it got Slate to write an article about him and is front page news for every major publication here. It is making him a household name, once again. He really really is like I said, wicked smart!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan said:


> BBW and I agree on this, it is about publicity for his failing empire. It isn't about love or admiration. It is business, pure and simple. Hey, it got Slate to write an article about him and is front page news for every major publication here. It is making him a household name, once again. He really really is like I said, wicked smart!


I don't doubt about this.

Celebrities do this very often to get what they want. 

Take advantage of each other, and they each get a piece of pie! 

An 84 year old man still has to play this kind of game, sigh.....................


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Thanks for the timely article.

I am 42 years old dating a 28 year old.

Let's see. . .42 divided by 2 = 21 + 7 = 28.

I'm in!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I wish people would quit throwing around the word "biology" so carelessly. It has a very specific meaning: instinct. 

There is only instinct regarding sex: it is to HAVE sex with a member of the opposite sex (and I'm not sure about that; there is an instinct to satisfy the urge, basically). The instinct does not determine to whom one is attracted. Male animals don't go around looking for the best female; they'll take any female who will have them. 

There is an urge to eat, and when people are physically hungry, they will eat whatever food is available. It is only when our basic need is met that we start to grow picky.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Not to totally derail your thread but you touched on something that I feel is important. I do think so much of the allure of prostitution is that a woman "submits and is vulnerable" to him. The dominant/submissive part is in my opinion a HUGE part of the attraction for men seeking out such activity. It does creep me out.


Apologies for derailing, but I disagree.

Men going to a prostitute are going there specifically for their own sexual gratification, they pay for it and in effect they treat that prostitute as a thing, as a means to an end (their end).


I don't understand why people misinterpret this whole dominant/submissive thing.

To break it down in quite possibly simplest terms, here is an explanation that would be applicable to both daily life and the bedroom:

The dominant one is the one who is confident in _himself _and _his own abilities_ and thus is a natural "leader" (or the one who _leads _the way)

The submissive one is the one who _trusts _the "leader" to a point where _she knows that nothing the "leader" does will harm her and all that the "leader" does is for his and her benefit_.

The _extent _to where the "leader" will go (is allowed/trusted to go) and the extent to the level of submissiveness (the extent to which she will allow to trust/to be lead) is a purely personal and individual thing.

Sexual, marital and domestic bliss happens when both parties' needs and desires are compatible, when they are on the same page, so to speak, in the dominant and submissive department. That way a relationship is a self sufficient organism. His ego is being fed and she feels fulfilled. He appreciates her for her allowing herself to be _"vulnerable"_ and trusting him to the extent where she can be _vulnerable_.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> I don't understand why people misinterpret this whole dominant/submissive thing.
> 
> To break it down in quite possibly simplest terms, here is an explanation that would be applicable to both daily life and the bedroom:
> 
> ...


I like it! :smthumbup:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Thanks for the timely article.
> 
> I am 42 years old dating a 28 year old.
> 
> ...


Ah, Scanner. You never disappoint. 
Happy New Year my dear!!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You too. . .the 14 year headstart also insures I may die with a smile on my face.


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