# 30 year affair? could it REALLY be over??



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

My H's EA, was with his ex hs gf... I found out that they have stayed in touch with each other since high school (1981).. yet married other people.

Found out they had slept together in 99 while she was separated from her H , his second marriage (not sure on first) ,and still stayed in contact even after she went back to her H. I only know of this time frame they slept together.. might be more but don't have proof.

His last contact (that I'm aware of) was Sep. 13th 2011. He says that was last when he called and told her that he was not going to their 30th class reunion..(Friday of reunion was to be a bonfire of just classmates, no spouses) and he says she got pizzed off at him... So I think they had made plans on hooking up, but he backed out.

They have kept in contact for 30 years,,,, and now they both say the "just friends".... and that it doesn't bother them to not talk to each other,,, 

I think it has been a safe affair for both of them to have their cake and eat it too.... yet stay with their spouses. 

I am having a hard time believing that they could be content with NEVER having contact ever again??
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"Just one of those thoughts I woke up to this morning"??_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

That's what I'm afraid of,,if it hasn't happened already..

I tried to expose their "affair" to OWH, but he said he trusts his wife that she is solely committed to their relationship, so he is denying any problems.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

30 years is a long time
they are emotionally attached and always will be
I would never trust them to be together for any reason with their history and their past relationship
so, no, I don't think it ever will REALLY be over


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

There is no way you can trust him , as her husband is in denial it would help if your husband writes her a NC letter where he achknowledges his affair with her. You the send a copy to her husband as well. 

If he declines then you know your marriage never stood a chance .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Cant you enforce "No contact"?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This is perhaps one of the worst things I've ever seen. For 30 years, you and the OWH have been the second choice. The OW will always be on his mind the rest of his life. You can either accept this and try to move on to a new marriage, or you can D. It's a very difficult decision alright. But if you choose to R, there can be NC for ever and ever. You have to be able to monitor and enforce this. This MUST be exposed to the OWH, because one of the them WILL fish for renewed contact. That much IS certain with a LTA like this.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> My H's EA, was with his ex hs gf... I found out that they have stayed in touch with each other since high school (1981).. yet married other people.
> 
> Found out they had slept together in 99 while she was separated from her H , his second marriage (not sure on first) ,and still stayed in contact even after she went back to her H. I only know of this time frame they slept together.. might be more but don't have proof.
> 
> ...


Could it be over? Nope. Not in my opinion.

This made me think of a rather high profile situation where the OW "always had a place in the H's heart" even when he married another woman. Both of them tormented the BS as she always felt that there were "three people in her marriage". Even the OW's H turned a blind eye. Both couples ended up divorcing their respective spouses and the H is now married to the OW. That threesome was Prince Charles, Princess Diana and Camilla. (Hey, it's the Jubilee - which made me think of this) 

On the other hand, your H didn't go to the reunion and it doesn't appear that he has much contact with her, or that she is his "confident" and he is sharing his secrets with her. Perhaps they call each other "friends" as opposed to being "enemies", so the term of endearment is rather generic.

So the question is, other than labeling each other as "friends", what "cake" do you think they are eating? If it's nothing more that the label, then you have nothing to worry about. If, however, you believe that your H is sharing his personal secrets and thoughts with her, then you might have something to be concerned about.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

By our phone records,, they would talk 2- 6 times a month through her work phone... just twice with her cell phone, figure so her husband wouldn't see. 

She still lives in his old home town, so no guarantee they never met up when he went down to see family. Of course he says he hasn't "been" with anyone else since me... but is known to lie...

He told her the reason he wasn't going to reunion was because of me having a doctors appt. with my lung dr. (yet told me he didn't want to go because I wasn't able to go too) Whatever.. when he had already talked to my daughter about bringing me down on Sat. for actual reunion since he would already be down there... so he had planned on going....without me...

I know it's probably just a matter of time that one of them HAVE to contact the other... I think the emotional bond is too strong to just end one day, and "poof" be over it...

It's going on 10 months,, and that's probably the longest they've ever gone without talking.... (unless he's gotten a calling card or called from work) 

We are separated right now,,but I have keylogger on his computer to keep track of online activity.

He would call on her Bday, Christmas Eve, New years, when he got home from hospital stays... I'm sure they have exchanged lots of personal information... he told me that it was nice getting that "ego boost" and to hear how much "I" should be lucky to be married to "him"..... PUKE!!! Since he wasn't getting compliments from home....


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