# She's not interested after marriage.



## Mike61 (Jun 7, 2018)

OK guys, you know the old joke about wedding cake killing a woman's sex drive. Well, I'm living it. She's 15 years younger than me and when we were dating, it was ON all the time. Once the deal was sealed, lucky if it's twice a month. I love her, but I'm not living this way. I've tried to discuss it, but she insists we're fine. Well, we're not. I'm ready to walk after a few months of marriage. I am not wasting any more time here. Any thoughts?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sadly She doesn't have to try anymore......do your self a favor and get out before gets pregnant then you'll be lucky if its a couple time a year.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I have only read about such things.... It seems bizarre to me, but it must happen.

So, what else changed after the wedding? Any differences in life styles, stress, responsibilities etc?

I am really it comes down to the fact that she does not desire to have sex with you.

Why not? Was she always low drive and just faking it?

Did you get married quickly, and before it was just limerence?

Do you not excite her for some reason? Does she feel like the rest of the relationship is lacking?

I agree, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!!!

This needs fixed, but first you need to find the source of the issue.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I Walked out from my first marriage, after three months if no sex at all. Best decision ever.

This is how it's going to be for you from now on if you stay. Accept it or leave.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Typical Bait and Switch...

Divorce now, and don't get married again...


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Yes, bail out now. Even if you could deal with the lack of intimacy, the fact that she seems to have intentionally deceived you is disturbing. That's not even the basis of a good friendship. 

My guess is that you're a sugar daddy and she was planning on retiring asap with your income to fall back on.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Tatsuhiko said:


> My guess is that you're a sugar daddy and she was planning on retiring asap with your income to fall back on.


I was actually going to ask the same thing - whether his much younger bride was perhaps more attracted to his wallet than to him.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Mike61 said:


> OK guys, you know the old joke about wedding cake killing a woman's sex drive. Well, I'm living it. She's 15 years younger than me and when we were dating, it was ON all the time. Once the deal was sealed, lucky if it's twice a month. I love her, but I'm not living this way. I've tried to discuss it, but she insists we're fine. Well, we're not. I'm ready to walk after a few months of marriage. I am not wasting any more time here. Any thoughts?


Fill out the papers, kick her ass to the curb. She can have a marriage with 1/2 her power or all her power and no marriage


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My ex was bait and switch, too. Stupidly, I stayed in the marriage for over 2 decades, and things never improved. My suggestion is to divorce her NOW, and move on. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to decide and act, and the more expensive.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

What are your approximate ages, incomes, education, and jobs? Just something general. Are you both from the same country and living in that same country now?

There are a lot of potential reasons for this behavior. Some fairly benign which could be remedied, but others not. If it is one of the benign ones then it is worth identifying it and making an attempt at getting things corrected. For example, she may have been raised in a family where Mom kind of poisoned her about husbands and marriage. If her mom always complained about her dad being a jerk who always wanted to grope her, then she may have that ground rule in her head that husbands are groping jerks. But when you were her boyfriend, that ground rule was not in play in her subconscious, so she was uninhibited about sex with you.

I think a lot of women don't understand that for many men we marry because we want to keep our girlfriend forever. We aren't looking for a replacement for our mother, and we're not looking for some boring old *****y wife. We want that girlfriend.

We all have these preconceptions what our role is in a relationship.

There are other less benign possibilities, like she is a gold digger. Another is some kind of trauma history. Maybe she was more in love with the idea of being married than actually in love with you, so now she isn't feeling attraction to you. Maybe she was attracted to you as the older man because of some kind of father thing (comfort, safety, sophistication, etc), but now you're married it feels kind of weird to be sexual with a father figure.

Ultimately it doesn't matter what the cause is. What matters is whether you are both happy with the marriage. It is easy to get bogged down in diagnosing. The better approach is to set a clear boundary with her, and to kindly offer to help find a mutually satisfying solution. Marriage counseling may be a help for you two.

I think it is worth giving this a good effort at fixing, but have a timeline with an endpoint. You obviously both love each other and have things in common.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

First look for anything else that might have changed things. Be sure that your behavior didn't change after the wedding.

If nothing else changed, then it could be a bait / switch. Don't get her pregnant (!!!!), and get divorced.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Mike61 said:


> OK guys, you know the old joke about wedding cake killing a woman's sex drive. Well, I'm living it. She's 15 years younger than me and when we were dating, it was ON all the time. Once the deal was sealed, lucky if it's twice a month. I love her, but I'm not living this way. I've tried to discuss it, but she insists we're fine. Well, we're not. I'm ready to walk after a few months of marriage. I am not wasting any more time here. Any thoughts?


She may want to change and be willing to change (probably not) but you need to give her the motivation.

She needs to know how important this is to you. 

If she hasn't figured it out yet, filing for divorce should make it clear.

Far better to address this now than 20 years from now.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

uhtred said:


> First look for anything else that might have changed things. Be sure that your behavior didn't change after the wedding.


I would certainly do this first and counseling is certainly in order before bailing. In the mean time, I agree with using birth control as in YOU use birth control.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Yours is not an uncommon story. Some women will do anything until they marry. This is especially true of oral sex and sex in general. The age difference is not a good thing. My sister did the same. Married a guy 11 years older because he was established and she did not have to go through the first few struggling years to save enough for a house, etc.. However, she was young and hot and he was 11 years older. They both ended up cheating and finally divorcing. They both married age appropriate people and are much happier now. I think you may find that women who marry older men are doing so for reasons other than what the man thinks. Good luck though but get out before she tries to trap you with a baby as my sister did with her husband.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.

In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won;t have sex with their husbands.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I agree with the others who say protect yourself when having sex, and don't get her pregnant. I also think this may be worth working on. She needs to know what you need in terms of the sexual part of your relationship. You need to make it very clear, and you guys both need to communicate your needs/wants. My former marriage was much the same: we were like rabbits during the (very short) dating period, then after marriage, he stopped wanting sex and became very LD. We ended up spending most of our marriage on a "sex schedule", which just didn't work for me (I'm very HD). This, along with many other things ended up killing the marriage. Your situation may not change, but it's worth a shot to try to come to a compromise on it.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I think we need more background. How long were you dating? What job did she have when you met? Are you financially much better off than her. What are your actual ages? If she's 20, then you should bail as quickly as possible. She would likely be too sexually immature to work through this. If she's 45, then she might be mature enough to have discussions and work towards a solution.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Mike61 said:


> OK guys, you know the old joke about wedding cake killing a woman's sex drive. Well, I'm living it. She's 15 years younger than me and when we were dating, it was ON all the time. Once the deal was sealed, lucky if it's twice a month. I love her, but I'm not living this way. I've tried to discuss it, but *she insists we're fine. Well, we're not. *I'm ready to walk after a few months of marriage. I am not wasting any more time here. Any thoughts?


SHE does not get to determine for you when YOU are fine. You are smart to address this now before you have spent years with no result. If she won't address it, then yes, don't waste any more time here.


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## Mike61 (Jun 7, 2018)

Close. She has a VERY good income, but I'm sure the fact that I'm a handy guy at remodeling, etc and willing to help out with household chores and finances influenced her decision.


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## Mike61 (Jun 7, 2018)

We dated 3 years, and her job is very well-paying. She doesn't need anything from me financially. I'm 57 and she's 42. We're both old enough for this not to be weird or anything.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Mostly agreed, but he should also make sure that *he* didn't change. Just as there are women (and men) who bait / switch, there are also men (and women) who stop dating and romance after marriage. Sometimes this happens unconsciously. 






personofinterest said:


> No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won;t have sex with their husbands.


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## Mike61 (Jun 7, 2018)

Thank you. I'm willing to work on this but she has to be willing to listen first. I just don't have time to waste. Thanks for the reply.


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## Mike61 (Jun 7, 2018)

Thanks for the reply. I'm good on the pregnancy thing as I've been cut for years. She is a very intelligent, focused person and I get the feeling this was more of a task for her, and now that it's been accomplished, on to the next task.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Mike61 said:


> Thank you. I'm willing to work on this but she has to be willing to listen first. I just don't have time to waste. Thanks for the reply.


You've talked, she didn't listen. Papers, if she reacts correctly fine, if not - that is fine too...


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won;t have sex with their husbands.


I think it's entirely possible that a major part of a woman's sex drive could be the desire to acquire a long term commitment from a man.

When that commitment is obtained, that part of her sex drive goes away.

Combine that with a woman thinking that, if sex isn't that important to her, it can't be that important to her husband....

and, yes, this could all be unconscious on her part. 

Bad, yes, but not necessarily intentionally evil.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

This is not going to get better by itself.

I think you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you are going to have frequent sex, if not with her, then with someone else.

Then let her decide which it will be.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> I think you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you are going to have frequent sex, if not with her, then with someone else.


You also have to decide about the quality of sex you want. Does she see sex as a passion or purpose? Would she be doing it because she enjoys it? Or because it's a necessary chore to keep the marriage together? If it's just a chore, expect her to be as enthusiastic about sex as she is about doing laundry.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

The thing is....Is she going to listen then only give "pity sex"? Or "duty sex"? We all have read here on the site how well THAT turns out. Why waste time....Why isn't intimacy discussed before the marriage. Or was it, and she just reneged? 

Being older, both partners should have a firm grasp upon sexuality at this stage. I mean c'mon, in their 40s and sex is this "new and taboo" subject? I don't see it. Even though, both partners wanting so share with each other this little thing called "desire". It has to be there for a marriage.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> I think it's entirely possible that a major part of a woman's sex drive could be the desire to acquire a long term commitment from a man.



I wish people would not gender generalize this way. It is the opposite of useless. It is destructive to understanding what any individual person's motivation is.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> The thing is....Is she going to listen then only give "pity sex"? Or "duty sex"? We all have read here on the site how well THAT turns out. Why waste time....Why isn't intimacy discussed before the marriage. Or was it, and she just reneged?
> 
> Being older, both partners should have a firm grasp upon sexuality at this stage. I mean c'mon, in their 40s and sex is this "new and taboo" subject? I don't see it. Even though, both partners wanting so share with each other this little thing called "desire". It has to be there for a marriage.


Honestly, while the issue of sex is very important, more alarming to me for the long term is

- a drastic change from pre and post wedding day and
- unilateral decision that "they" are fine.

Even if the sex issue is solved-ish to OP's satisfaction, those two things do not bode well for the marriage.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mike61 said:


> We dated 3 years, and her job is very well-paying. She doesn't need anything from me financially. I'm 57 and she's 42. We're both old enough for this not to be weird or anything.


It's a little weird you're not having sex now......

As others have mentioned, has something else changed? Are you being a housemaid for her? (Just asking...)


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I wish people would not gender generalize this way. It is the opposite of useless. It is destructive to understanding what any individual person's motivation is.


I've just been reading 'Behave' by Robert Sopolsky about human biology.

Men's and women's brain have distinct differences in how they process information (this is just an aside in the book, it's not primarily about gender differences) different chemicals exist in different ratios and have different effects base on whether the subject is male or female. The most unlikely outcome would be that these significant differences had no effect on behavior at all.

And yet, somehow, we're supposed to ignore these true differences and pretend that men and women are exactly the same; that men and women both want sex equally; that men and women both want commitment equally; etc.

True, these are things that vary significantly for individuals. Men are taller than women in general although that does not mean that any man is taller than than every woman. 

It's very true that some men prefer commitment and some women prefer sex. 

But to therefore pretend that it's not true than men are generally taller than women is just silly.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> I've just been reading 'Behave' by Robert Sopolsky about human biology.
> 
> Men's and women's brain have distinct differences in how they process information (this is just an aside in the book, it's not primarily about gender differences) different chemicals exist in different ratios and have different effects base on whether the subject is male or female. The most unlikely outcome would be that these significant differences had no effect on behavior at all.
> 
> And yet, somehow, we're supposed to ignore these true differences and pretend that men and women are exactly the same; that men and women both want sex equally; that men and women both want commitment equally; etc.


I would wonder the scope of these brain differences affecting our things like sex drive, like your claim that sex driver is specifically driven by the desire to achieve a mate. I see no evidence for that.

ETA: I can easily believe that my brain does many things that yours does not. For instance, there are a ton of involuntary functions that it is responsible for from lactating, releasing an egg cyclically, shedding the uterine lining among, undoubtedly many other functions. "Sex drive" is a thing that is more complicated than that. It varies beyond merely the hind brain desire to procreate.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> I would wonder the scope of these brain differences affecting our things like sex drive, like your claim that sex driver is specifically driven by the desire to achieve a mate. I see no evidence for that.


I said.



Buddy400 said:


> I think it's entirely *possible* that a *major part* of *a woman's* sex drive *could be* the desire to acquire a long term commitment from a man.


I did not say that the sex drive for all women is driven by the desire to achieve a mate.

Note the bolds.

It's possible (could be)

Major part (not the only driver)

a woman's (not ALL women, a particular woman)

could be (maybe)


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won't have sex with their husbands.


But you will admit that this does look like a bait and switch, don't you think? 

While I completely agree with what you said, I think women, and men for that matter, want for their SO to want to have sex with them.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

BluesPower said:


> But you will admit that this does look like a bait and switch, don't you think?


The thing is that "bait and switch" implies that it was a conscious choice on her part to act that way. That is, she actively pretended to like sex as a manipulation tactic. The reality is more likely that she genuinely desired sex while they were dating, but now they are married that desire is gone. 

A similar thing happens with men and romantic gestures. While dating, men will often be much more romantic than they normally are (letters, texting, flowers, gifts, etc.). Then once they are married, all that stuff stops. Again it's for a similar reason. While dating, men genuinely have more romantic desires than after marriage.

While the effect may be the same, calling it bait and switch makes it seem like an intentional, conscious act. The reality is that often our biology creates desires in us to accomplish certain goals. Once that goal is achieved, our biology reduces that desire.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

Buddy400 said:


> I think it's entirely possible that a major part of a woman's sex drive could be the desire to acquire a long term commitment from a man.
> 
> When that commitment is obtained, that part of her sex drive goes away.
> 
> ...


I see your point, and not too sound sexist it can biologically make sense to a degree.

I'll try to hammer out in the most rudimentary method my puny brain can log out.

Some women crave commitment and stability for their offspring, and rightly so.

What better way to have stability and assure commitment?
The appearance of a vital and fiery mate in ones arm can make a man think the unthinkable, eternity with one mate

Once the vows and signature materializes the drop of desire begins to slowly decent. 

I'm not saying all this happens over night and done so subconsciously.

What I've been savvy to experience a few times, is when some women start hearing the tick tock of her biological clock ticking away the mad dash to find a suitor, and as the clock progresses the lack of important characteristic tend to demenish. 

I've had several friends male and female being tricked by this cruel joke our bodies and minds play on us. 

Some of my guy friends don't understand what happen to insane love they felt from their gf. 
While some of my lady friends can't understand what they saw in their perpetual gamer living at moms.

Just my opinion.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> But you will admit that this does look like a bait and switch, don't you think?
> 
> While I completely agree with what you said, I think women, and men for that matter, want for their SO to want to have sex with them.


I think it is absolutely bait and switch, and going down the ever popular "jump through 1000 hoops to 'earn' sex" routine will likely be a waste of time.

I think depriving women use that rabbit hole to avoid sex.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

wilson said:


> The thing is that "bait and switch" implies that it was a conscious choice on her part to act that way. That is, she actively pretended to like sex as a manipulation tactic. The reality is more likely that she genuinely desired sex while they were dating, but now they are married that desire is gone.
> 
> A similar thing happens with men and romantic gestures. While dating, men will often be much more romantic than they normally are (letters, texting, flowers, gifts, etc.). Then once they are married, all that stuff stops. Again it's for a similar reason. While dating, men genuinely have more romantic desires than after marriage.
> 
> While the effect may be the same, calling it bait and switch makes it seem like an intentional, conscious act. The reality is that often our biology creates desires in us to accomplish certain goals. Once that goal is achieved, our biology reduces that desire.


Sorry, I call bull. This just attempts to legitimize selfishness.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

After serving her with divorce papers you should let her understand that because she didn't see anything that needed to change - that is the reason you're divorcing her.


Maybe when the divorce is final you could consider dating her again... IF she decides she wants to participate again.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> and going down the ever popular "jump through 1000 hoops to 'earn' sex" routine will likely be a waste of time.


Except, poor ol' Mike61 wasn't even given that option……just a ''we're fine'' and the sound of a giant steel door slamming shut.

This is a good example of a guy providing comfort, stability, and handyman skills and a woman faking sex to lock him down. Don't play that game, Mike.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She's a farce! She misrepresented what she offered to the marriage.

She took the vows. She likely said "to love and honor" you... so she knows full well she's not loving nor honoring you. She's selfish and not at all thinking about your feelings!

Why does this kind of woman get married at all? I'm a woman and I think she totally misrepresented who she is. She wasn't authentic - so ultimately you really have NO idea who you married!

Divorce her. She's a phony.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Mike61 said:


> Thank you. I'm willing to work on this but she has to be willing to listen first. I just don't have time to waste. Thanks for the reply.


But she's not willing to work on it - that's part of the problem - she's not having a problem with no sex with you.

You've got nothing to work with.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"Why does this kind of woman get married at all?"

I have no idea, but they do. And boy do they defend each other with a vengeance! I guess they all want to be moms, but you can do that without getting married now. Please don't torture a poor man to do it.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> But she's not willing to work on it - that's part of the problem - she's not having a problem with no sex with you.
> 
> You've got nothing to work with.


This. If my wife tells me there's a "problem" in our marriage, then there's indeed a problem. Why? Because she said it was a problem. There's something we need to work on.

Mike61's spouse tells him essentially, "Everything's fine, just go away." That's not what a good spouse does. Something that is a problem for Mike61 should be a problem for his wife, and she should be actively looking for solutions.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> This. If my wife tells me there's a "problem" in our marriage, then there's indeed a problem. Why? Because she said it was a problem. There's something we need to work on.
> 
> Mike61's spouse tells him essentially, "Everything's fine, just go away." That's not what a good spouse does. Something that is a problem for Mike61 should be a problem for his wife, and she should be actively looking for solutions.


True! So she's made it clear she doesn't care how YOU feel about your marriage and what you feel is concerning... what a selfish gal!

This is rooted in her core - you can't force her to care about your feelings and what you want to change when she acts this dismissive.


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## MichelleThoughts (Jun 24, 2018)

I'm really sorry this is your situation. It sounds exactly like what happened to my husband actually. With his first wife, they had other issues as well but the sex was the biggest. She also lied chronically and tried to trap him with a pregnancy. (He knew something was up when she tried to initiate sex after repeated and constant rejections and he saw she had stopped taking her BC pills without telling him). 

He left her and the divorce was final by one year. She begged him not to divorce her but refused to have sex more than about once a month, and he made it crystal clear that that was all he needed.

He and I have been together 15 years, married 13 years, have four kids and still manage a great sex life because it is important to both of us.

If I were you I'd tell her this is serious enough you will leave her over it and then leave it up to her to decide if she is interested in staying together.

I really hate hearing stories like this and I'm shocked how common they are! I would love to see the divorce rate go way down myself.


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## gettingjacked (Jun 24, 2018)

I wish I read this before I ended up in your situation: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 

Key point to the book, if her sex rank is higher than yours, then she'll dominate the relationship. Get sexier than her and run the MAP (male action plan).

If that isn't possible, then maybe its time to move on before there are kids. Men need to stop trying to punch above their weight class.

You can't force anyone to want to have sex. So it will have to be something she wants, because she desperately wants you, because now you're more sexy than her.

I dated a girl for 7 years that was probably 2 numbers below me. She kissed the ground I walked on, but I had to let her go because I just wasn't turned on by it. Now I'm with a much hotter woman and I'm finding the shoe is on the other foot.

Stay sexy. Don't get complacent. Always be improving. You are not entitled to anything.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

gettingjacked said:


> Stay sexy. Don't get complacent. Always be improving. You are not entitled to anything.


THIS...absolutely. Take ownership of yourself and what you can control. That said given such a short duration what's changed for you both? Have you changed? If not it's a bad sign and agree with others that you should really consider whether marriage to this woman is the right long-term answer. Life's to short and this particular issue can make men (and women) miserable.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won;t have sex with their husbands.


Bull! There are plenty of women who used sex as a weapon . And they don't start doing it until after marriage.


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

gettingjacked said:


> I wish I read this before I ended up in your situation: The Married Man Sex Life Primer
> 
> Key point to the book, if her sex rank is higher than yours, then she'll dominate the relationship. Get sexier than her and run the MAP (male action plan).
> 
> ...


And unfortunately, his sex rank went down the moment he committed...go figure?? Which might explain or be part of, the sudden decrease, at least according to Mr. Kay.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Bull! There are plenty of women who used sex as a weapon . And they don't start doing it until after marriage.


And IF they show this is their agenda then save yourself heartache and money by simply divorcing them.

It's cruel and deceitful.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

A self supporting, 42 year old woman is going to do what she wants and is not going to do what she doesn't. 

If she says everything is 'fine,' that means she's good with it as-is and has no intentions of changing.

This is now your call and your choice on what you want to do.

You either take the situation as-is. Transform yourself into someone/something else that you hope will turn her on; or throw in the towel and walk.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> No honest or healthy woman loves sex before marriage and then just turns it off. Either something is truly wrong with her (maybe a health issue or depression), or she played you. No one turns off sex because hubby forgot to load the dishwasher. So unless you suddenly became a different person the day after the wedding, I doubt you "made" her quit sex.
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I have no respect for women who won;t have sex with their husbands.


Women do this all the time - deceitful women do!


Honest women don't misrepresent themselves that way!


And he shouldn't have to change anything! She knew what she was marrying! He's not the one that pulled a fast one after marrying.

She's not honest and she doesn't respect him. No wife would treat someone they truly loved and respected this way!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

gettingjacked said:


> I wish I read this before I ended up in your situation: The Married Man Sex Life Primer
> 
> Key point to the book, if her sex rank is higher than yours, then she'll dominate the relationship. Get sexier than her and run the MAP (male action plan).
> 
> ...


Not sure if agree with this, if he wants to work on himself for him that's a good thing. But the whole never date someone hotter than you thing doesn't make sense to me at all. I think he'd be selling himself short. If you can pull a hottie that likes you, why not date her? Provided you are secure enough to deal with the attention she gets. 

To me a person's personality is what determines their behavior in a relationship not their outwardly appearance. I think a chubby average woman can be a good girlfriend OR a bad one. But its based on her personality and compatibility/chemistry with you.

I won't beat around the bush. I guess I am tired of Mr. Kay's junk science being toted as the path, I didn't believe in it when I was married, and now that I am single I believe in it even less.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Any update Mike?


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

GTHO now before kids, significant financial entanglements, and property issues.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She's fine because what you want doesn't matter much and you'll never change that.

You can read all the books you want talk until you're blue in the face, etc, etc, etc. and you'll get the same old, same old.

Many wallow in indecision for years and be fine after they lose their libido. 

Either make a decision or wallow it's your choice.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Buddy400 said:


> I've just been reading 'Behave' by Robert Sopolsky about human biology.
> 
> Men's and women's brain have distinct differences in how they process information (this is just an aside in the book, it's not primarily about gender differences) different chemicals exist in different ratios and have different effects base on whether the subject is male or female. The most unlikely outcome would be that these significant differences had no effect on behavior at all.
> 
> ...


If you try to apply any amount of reason and logical thought, you will soon realize post-modern ideology has neither logic nor reason to it. To put it as nicely as I can, its all horse ****.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Also, I would say walk and don't ever get married again. There's not much in it for men anyway. Especially as you have been cut. In my estimation the ones who benifit the most are kids, then women, then the dogs and cats, then men. In that exact order in terms of the benefits of being married. Obviously you aren't going to be having any children. So cut bait and don't even bother trying to get married anymore. You can always settle down with a person without getting the government involved in your relationship. 

If you were wanting to have kids, marriage is a good idea to protect them financially as well as it creates more of an incentive to work out differences within your marriage and/or relationship. If you don't want to, or will not be (in your case) having kids, there is honestly no reason at all to get married. Outside of religious beliefs I guess, but obviously you had no issues having sex before marriage with your wife, so this doesn't seem like a big deal to you either. 

Cut bait, stay single, enjoy life and future relationships without getting the government involved.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Mike, what did you decide to do about this situation?

Has anything changed?


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