# How can I feel worth it again?



## *marina* (Jul 27, 2012)

I have been divorced now for 3 months, must say feels much longer than it sounds.

Emotionally its been the biggest baddest rollercoaster i've ever been on. I have two kids, (3, and 1 year) and my ex husband ended up with the kids, which of cause makes me feel like the worst parent in the world. The reason why, I'm to ashamed to say why, lets just say we all make mistakes and have to face the concequences. 

I don't know how to cope with all these emotions any more. Will it ever get better, will I ever feel happy again, will i ever be with my children for more than every second weekend?
Will I ever be in control of my own life again? 

how can I start taking control again?
How can I feel worth it again?


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

hey Marina...yes it gets easier, it depends upon each of our own situations and mental make-up that determines when, but it does get better...

Have you goten counseling? that would help, also like you say, we all make mistakes...so we all must learn to forgive ourselves...you must do that before any healing can begin...

Whether you have custody of the kids or not, they need you to be the best mom you can be...do that, start healing...stop beating yourself up, spoil yourself some...

God Bless...


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I feel your pain. I'm hoping mine doesn't get to the D part, we are separated right now.

My wife left me with the children, while is wonderful, it still doesn't replace my spouse. She said she left them with me so I would have a reason to go on.

Just like you, he also has to start his new journey. He is probably scared, he is probably jaded.

For sure it can get better, can't say when cause I'm still in it. 

You look like you have already looked inside yourself and started the healing process. You saw some of your errors, but remember he had some too.

I wish you the best on your journey.

Do you mind tell us your story?


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## *marina* (Jul 27, 2012)

Hi Guys

My story, not my most proudest moment but here it goes...

I was married for 3 years, I struggled with post-natal-depression after I had my daughter, my husband did not understand it. I do not blame him, not everybody understand depression.

I had some baby fat to loose, and he regularly reminded me of it. I fell pregnant again, my son was born, still struggeling with depression and my husband having a obsession about weight.

There was this Manager at work, when I got back to work after my maternity leave, a real charmer. You know a chat here, a compliment there.
One day I got to work after i had a terrible fall back from my depression, he, the manager, noticed it and yes need I say more, thats where it all started. Before I knew it we were having an affair.

The one day I got home from work and I realized I just can't do this double life anymore, I asked for a divorce, my husband was shocked. It was like I hit him with a ton of bricks. We talked and we desided that we would try again, a few weeks later I again said that i want a divorce again he pleeded to try one more time.

My heart wasn't in it anymore, the manager and I still had contact, he made me all these pretty promises, he made me feel like the most gorgeous women in the world.

Untill that day that my husband found out and it all went boom!!!
The Manager disappared, he is still very much happily married. 

I went through all the wrong fases, rebound relationship, drinking... and because i felt so guilty the day that I received the settlement I signed it just to get it over with. I gave him the children. I couldn't take them away not after all the pain I caused him.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

*marina* said:


> Hi Guys
> 
> My story, not my most proudest moment but here it goes...
> 
> ...


Marina,

It sounds like you are in some pretty dark times. I hear your despair and remorse.

Have you had help for your depression? Are you taking meds? I once heard depression is anger directed inward - and your writing indicates a low sense of self worth.

You definitely made some bad mistakes and you're paying a high price. At some point, you will have to forgive yourself - even if your ex won't.

End result - your life is at a crossroads and you don't know where to go from here. The future you envisioned is now gone and is replaced with uncertainty.

Here's the thing - you ALONE are able provide the answers you're looking for. The answers are within you. You've been too wrapped up in your pain to find them. 

You will have to settle yourself somehow. The vortex of negative thoughts has to be calmed. Exercise? I recommend long walks with time for you to explore your thoughts & feelings. Your goal is understanding & clarity. 

At this point, all you can do is work on yourself. Be the best person you can be - be who you have always wanted to be. Focus on the parts of your life you have control over. Put your efforts into your relationship with your children. Be the mother you've always wanted to be. Work on it & hone it as you visit with them. Give them your best during all the times you're together. You may find that your cup - which seems so empty now - will overflow with love. It is there for you 

This quote by Buddha has been helpful to me in empowering myself to change myself, my life and my destiny. (Work in progress, admittedly!)

*“What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now.” ~Buddha.*

Your future is in your hands. Forgiveness, clarity & and open heart will go far. And don't forget to breathe. Deep, calming breaths. Surprising how little we really breathe when stressed. 

Best wishes.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

That is the crazy thing about depression. I found stability when I went on my meds in 2005. Now in my separation is helping me tremendously with keeping me from total despair.

As much as I want to just lay on the couch, I can still get up and go to work.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hi Marina. I have suffered from depression for years. I know how difficult it is to deal with a newborn and and young child while trying to cope with depression. Throw in a husband who doesn't understand and who harps on your weight....I'm surprised you did as well as you did. Not that it excuses an affair, but I can imagine what it must have been like when someone showed you attention.

I agree with janie. Put your efforts into yourself and your relationship with your children. Work on your self esteem so that your children see a strong, confident woman. Exercise, spoil yourself, love yourself. You are worth it.

Hugs.


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## *marina* (Jul 27, 2012)

Thanks Guys 

You make me feel so much better.
It so wonderfull to talk to someone who actually knows what i'm going through.

Thanks again guys, your all great.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

*marina* said:


> Thanks Guys
> 
> You make me feel so much better.
> It so wonderfull to talk to someone who actually knows what i'm going through.
> ...


Hang in there, Marina. It will get better. Now, go do something for yourself!


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