# Broken Marraige



## Lost&heartbroken (Jul 29, 2017)

Where do I start. After going on our 10 years of being married, she asked for a separation. Here are the quick notes. I'm 38 and she is 35. We have two boys 7 and 2. When we had our second son we agreed she would stop working instead of a getting babysitter. With that I got a 2nd job to makes ends meet. So I worked 12 hour days M-F. I was tired for those 2 years but I did it because it was for family. On the weekends we would spend time as a family and I would be doing chores around the house.

I notice after awhile she needed to get out the house from kids so when she mentioned she wanted to do boot camp and I encouraged it. She volunteered at the kids school, went out with different groups for friends. I had no problem with it because she was my wife and I trusted her. I wanted her be happy. 

With in the last few months her change of behavior was obvious. She didn't want to sit close to me. She was also sitting away from me texting to whomever. When I went to bed she would sneak into bed at 3am every night. When I touched her she flinch like it was bad. 

Finally the night came when it all went to hell. I came home work on Tuesday and she said he was going out with her friend. She didn't come home until 3am. I was awake and confronted her. And that when she asked for a separation. 

She said she loves me as the father of our children and loves me as a great husband but she is not in love with me. My life as I know it was ruin. I broke down. With in few days I kept pressing her for answers why. I know that was wrong thing to do but I needed answers.

She said I did nothing wrong but Im sure I did to have her stop loving me. She said she has been feeling like this for the past 8 months. I was pissed that she didn't bring this up during to time so we work things out. I asked her if she wanted to make the marriage work and she said no. I was crushed. She didn't even want to make an effort to salvage our marriage. 

If it wasn't for the kids she would have left me. She said I didn't have any ambition left in me and i was always tired. I was furious. I worked 12 hour days for 5 days and I was quite happy spending with my extra time with my family. My ambition was to my family. 

She later said that she wanted her independence and she didn't want to be owned. I told her that I never held her back from anything and I supported her on her decisions. I really don't know if there was someone else involved or not and I don't think it really matters now. 

She didn't plan to far when I asked her was she wanted to do. She said I guess zi will still stay home with the kids. I turned back to her and no way. You want independence then you go get a job. A week later she already got the ok to go back to her old job. 

Its only been 3 weeks and we are still living in the house. The kids sleep with me in the master bedroom and she is sleeping in the kids room. Eventually she wants to convert the office to her on room. We agree here and there and she has thrown threats of divorce to scare me.

I don't know if I can live like this under the same roof. Home does not feel like home and im crushed that I do not have a complete family anymore. The boys are our top priority but I breakdown once a day from heart ache. She is so cold. She had 8 months to get me out of her system and I'm just starting. I feel like my life is over. Sad and heart broken.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

I'm sorry. Other people will tell you things to do, but I'll just commiserate. It's one of the hardest thoughts in life to think you may not see forever like you thought you would, especially with kids. But when you think about it, it's also an almost impossible feat to stay married. It's tough.

Working a couple jobs to let the wife stay at home sounds ambitious to me. She sounds selfish. Hang in there.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Only you can decide what you must do. But, usually once a woman decides she is done, then she is done. I would not allow her to have her cake and eat it too, which is exactly what she is doing by asking for a separation. As far as her converting the den into her room, my answer would be "absolutely NOT!" if she wants a separation, there is the door, let's see how you like fending for yourself for a change. I would tell her if that is the way she feels, then let's just get it over with and divorce. YOU making the threat might be enough to wake her up from her fantasy.
FTR , I know how you feel. I was married 24 years when my ex decided to leave. I was blindsided. I never asked for anything from her. I never demanded anything from her. I paid all the bills, she kept her money, had her time. I maintained the house, did household chores to relieve her stress etc, etc. In the end I was just too nice. Perhaps, had I been more assertive, she may not have lost respect for me, as yours seems to have done. OTOH, she might have left a lot sooner, which would have saved me a lot anguish and heart ache.
So, my advice is to take control. If she wants out, tell her to get out. She is already mentally out the door now, the physical move might bring her to her senses. Finally do a 180 on her and start to focus on what YOU want, for YOU. Not for her, not for your family, not for anybody else.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

What you are experiencing is codependent rage.

Do you realize that you are describing a life where you arranged things to make it easy on her and put a smile on her face?

Is that what she wanted?

Or were you just making those sacrifices because it was the "right thing to do"?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I'm usually annoyed at how fast people decide a wife is cheating on these forums but ..... 

Your wife is cheating on you. 

No marriage can thrive on the schedule you guys had. It's not your fault. But you should not allow her to sit on the fence with you supporting her while she carries on. 

Get proof, expose to everyone. 
I'd check out 
Marriage builders. The forums there are too extreme but the information is good


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She is most likely cheating. You might want to start discreetly snooping. If you do find any evidence of another man, do not confront her until you have a plan of action. You could come here so that we can help you develop a plan of action.

I suggest that you read the book "Surviving an Affair". Even if she is not having an affair, the information in the book will help you. It will explain why she has given you the "I love you but am not in love with you" talk. And it will explain what to do... basically at this point you need to do what the book calls "Plan A" since you don't know if she is cheating or not. But you of know that she has pulled away emotionally.

After that book, read "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" . (links to these books are in my signature block below)

All of these books are written by Dr. Harley.


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## Lost&heartbroken (Jul 29, 2017)

Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.

At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through. 

Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

If your wife is having an affair she is essentially an addict right now. She's not going to be thinking clearly or rationally. She just wants her fix. You enabling it is not going to help anyone. 

Living in the same home while she has her affair and you do nothing about it is not a solution. 
She will leave eventually anyway. 

Finding out the truth protects you and gives you a chance to stop the affair, get her out of her addict behaviour and figure out how to either save your marriage or move on productively.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


In house separation?

Is that the example of marriage you want your kids to see?


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


Don't do it.

Huge mistake.

I could get you a "kick me" sign for your rear-end, as that's how it would feel.

You think you're upset now? You have no idea.


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## BrokenArrow (Jul 28, 2017)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> With in the last few months her change of behavior was obvious. She didn't want to sit close to me. She was also sitting away from me texting to whomever. When I went to bed she would sneak into bed at 3am every night. When I touched her she flinch like it was bad.



That is exactly the same way it went for me too.
The flinch was so disturbing. 
Did everything you say just cause irritation? Brother I know exactly what you are going through.Like a vice grip around the chest.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

BrokenArrow said:


> That is exactly the same way it went for me too.
> The flinch was so disturbing.
> Did everything you say just cause irritation? Brother I know exactly what you are going through.Like a vice grip around the chest.


Well, neither one of these fine ladies would want to be unfaithful to posOM.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


 I know 3 couples who tried that, it never works and it will stop you from moving on. How would you manage if she started dating another man while in the same house? If she wants to be independent then why is she still at home with you? Suggest that she looks for an apartment for herself.

She sounds very selfish and self centered.


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## Lost&heartbroken (Jul 29, 2017)

For the kids sake, has anybody tried this scenario? The kids stay in the house but each parent leaves 3 or 4 days living at another place? We would take turns during this. The main rule if you are seeing someone else, you cannot bring them to house where the kids during your time with the kids.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


This just has OM written all over it.

I know you dont want to believe it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> For the kids sake, has anybody tried this scenario? The kids stay in the house but each parent leaves 3 or 4 days living at another place? We would take turns during this. The main rule if you are seeing someone else, you cannot bring them to house where the kids during your time with the kids.


Surely then you would have to run three homes between you, unless you lived with family.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> For the kids sake, has anybody tried this scenario? The kids stay in the house but each parent leaves 3 or 4 days living at another place? We would take turns during this. The main rule if you are seeing someone else, you cannot bring them to house where the kids during your time with the kids.


I have actually suggested this very scenario when joint custody is ordered or agreed upon. The kids, who are faultless would experience much less turmoil. They would not have to be uprooted from school, make new friends, have their routines turned upside down, etc, etc. 

But as a practical matter I doubt it would work. Who pays for what, who takes care of maintenance, agreeable breakdown of time etc would all come into play and as was mentioned, there would now be three residences. If you had to work two jobs to pay for this one, I doubt you would be able to afford this one plus one for yourself, even if a 50/50 cost share was ordered or agreed upon. What if she doesn't pay her share or clean up after herself?

I understand you are grasping at straws, desperate to work out a solution. But, the only real solution is to give her what she wants - a divorce (yes I know she has only asked for a separation, but that is just the prelude to a bigger storm that is coming). Threaten her with it, and plan to follow through if she calls your bluff, because at this point I wouldn't be bluffing. Your steadfastness is going to force her to decide. Either way, you will solve the problem, because you will know the answer. Please do not allow your self to be abused by living on the whims of another. Take control of your life, because you do not want to live in limbo and neither should your children.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

File for divorce and tell her she can go live with her new bf.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I agree with Ele and the others. You are not being told the who story and deserve better. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's not very long.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Dude, you need to wake up and get with the program here. You are being chumped and taken for a ride. The worst part is you are rolling out the red carpet for her mistreatment and handing it to her on a silver platter. 

You need to man up and take some definitive action here. 

First off, let's say that you notice money is being systematically siphoned off of your retirement account or you notice that food is missing out of your pantry or notice that in the morning the engine of your car is warm and you are down half a tank of gas from the night before. Would you not sincerely investigate that with full due diligence????? Would you be afraid of invading the perpetrators privacy or afraid of upsetting them??

I assume you wouldn't give a crap about their privacy or upset. 

So why is this any different???? You marriage, home and family are your life's biggest investment and someone is siphoning off your love, affection, sexuality, security and sanctity of your home, marriage and security of your family and children's home and mother. 

Why are not dedicating your full attention and resources into finding out what is going on and why are you not putting the smack down on it????????!!!!!!!!!

Screw your wife's and her lover's privacy and screw trying to avoid upsetting anyone; your home and family are being destroyed here!!!

Assuming you are not beating and mistreating her and assuming you aren't abusing and harming the children and assuming you are not falling down drunk or druggie and assuming you are not actually chronically unemployed - women simply do not pack up and leave the father's of their minor children unless there is another man in background. It just doesn't happen. 

What you are describing here is absolute textbook pattern of a woman who has fallen for another man (or woman). Absolute textbook. Every word. 

And until that affair is broken, there is absolutely nothing you can do to turn this around. 

Hack her computers, email, social media etc. Get a full report of activity from her phone carrier and get a couple voice activated recorders and place in her car and any other area that she may be having private conversations. 

Within a day or so you will discover the truth. 

This discovery is not to present the evidence to her as proof she is cheating. she already knows she is. This investigation is to prove to YOU that she is involved elsewhere so that you take definitive action.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Now once you realize what is actually happening, you have some decisions to make. 

The first is whether you even want to try to save the marriage and keep her around or not. Knowing that she has been with another man/men, you may not even want her in the same zip code anymore and that is understandable and that is the risk she took. 

If you decide you do want to try to save the marriage and keep the home intact, you will have a mountain of work to do and it may take a number of actual years to restore the marriage to a healthy and happy state (it will never be "the same.")

Whether you try to reconcile or whether you give her the boot, the one thing that you will have to do is draw a line in the sand and make your own rules and enforce them to the letter. 

What she is doing now is having her cake and eating it too. She is having wild monkey sex and fun and excitement with the OM, but she has the safety and security of a roof over her head and food on the table and a free live-in babysitter to watch the kids while she goes out and gets it on with the OM. 

You are going to have to grown some balls and give her an all-in or all-out choice here. She either goes all-in and dumps OM for life and dedicates herself 100% to repairing the damage to your marriage and does some serious serious heavy lifting - or it's all-out and she gets a self supporting job, packs her crap, gets her own place, hires her own babysitters and leaves you to live your own life and gives you the space to find someone else too as two divorced individuals. 

But you cannot continue to allow her to remain in the home and live off your dime while she has fun and frivolity with the OM while you get the flinching any time you try to touch her in bed. 

All-in or all-out. She is either a faithful, loving wife fully invested in her home, husband and family. Or she is a single, divorced woman living on her own and sharing custody of the children and taking care of herself. 

Right now you are funding and supporting her affair. 

Stop that. 

regardless of whether you try to reconcile or whether you kick her to curb now, you have to cut off the funding and support of her affair and her atrocious behavior immediately.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This may seem counter intuitive, but the quickest and surest way to kill an affair is to expose it, and divorce the WW. 

Very very few OM actually want the WW full time. 99% just want the quick and easy poontang without all the bills, children, household chores, unclogging her clogged toilet, changing her flat tires, killing spiders etc. 

OM want the BH to take care of all of that stuff. 

Additionally, if he is married and the A gets exposed to his wife, he will have enough damage control to do on his end that he will throw the WW under the bus instantly. 

OM are almost always in it for the free poon and once that poon costs them something, or once they have to start dealing with the kids and custodial weekends and once the WW asks them to rub her feet or calls him in the rain to come fix a flat tire, they lose interest real real fast. 

Affairs need marriages and need cooperative and compliant BS's to survive. They need the BS to allow the WS to remain in the home and to continue to babysit the kids and take care of the bills and household chores while they meet up with the OM. 

Once that support and funding is cut off and they are a single mother with hungry kids and a rattletrap car that needs a new muffler and they are having to go back to work and are stressed out and exasperated trying to balance their time and budget and aren't fun and sexy anymore, the OM is usually outta there in the blink of an eye. 

Cut off the affair's secrecy, funding and support, and it will die in a very short period of time.


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## Lost&heartbroken (Jul 29, 2017)

Thanks for all the comments. Everyone has given me alot to think about.

Sent from my LGLS992 using Tapatalk


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

You have all my sympathies, i am going through this now as my wife walked out 7 weeks ago today, i still fell real pain, i got no answers from her really, she didn't love me anymore but loves a co-worker who she now stays with, the pain is the worst but i am working on it and it gets better but it is still their everyday. You cannot blame yourself my friend, your wife got out the house and it has given her a taste for something, she wants out of the relationship but has no means to support herself so has to stay at home, that is very difficult for you. When you are upset do you hide this from your family? Is your wife aware of the emotional strain this has put on you? I cannot believe that you cannot work this out with her for the boys sake if nothing more, is she adamant that it is over, maybe write her a letter to explain how you feel about her, maybe get her to respond by letter, it is worth a try if she is not talking, i wish you well.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks for all the comments. Everyone has given me alot to think about.
> 
> Sent from my LGLS992 using Tapatalk


Listen to what Old Shirt wrote you. Your story word for word has been posted 1000 times here and sadly it is always has the same outcome. You are being cheated on. She is lying to your face. Ask the moderators to move this to Coping with Infidelity and listen to what the posters say about how to find out who he / she is and how to confront. She may think she has covered all her tracks but inevitably she will slip up and you will have get the proof you need to confront her on who the other man is. They always slip up. Then you will have the real knowledge of what is going on and you will not be making decisions with no knowledge of the true facts. I am sorry you are going through this. I really am. I wish you the best .


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## Lost&heartbroken (Jul 29, 2017)

I just got into it with her. She says she is feeling controlled and with that she stopped loving me. I see it as supporting her interest when she wanted to do something because she was stuck the house with the boys. She does not want to work on anything and wants to be left alone. She said if I want to pursue a divorce, she will take the kids and leave me. Can she do that legally right then and there? Or we wait next month when she starts working and try to live in the same house. I love my kids and I can't bare not to see them on a daily basis. This is so unfair.



Sent from my LGLS992 using Tapatalk


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

KevinZX said:


> You have all my sympathies, i am going through this now as my wife walked out 7 weeks ago today, i still fell real pain, i got no answers from her really, she didn't love me anymore but loves a co-worker who she now stays with, the pain is the worst but i am working on it and it gets better but it is still their everyday. You cannot blame yourself my friend, your wife got out the house and it has given her a taste for something, she wants out of the relationship but has no means to support herself so has to stay at home, that is very difficult for you. When you are upset do you hide this from your family? Is your wife aware of the emotional strain this has put on you? I cannot believe that you cannot work this out with her for the boys sake if nothing more, is she adamant that it is over, maybe write her a letter to explain how you feel about her, maybe get her to respond by letter, it is worth a try if she is not talking, i wish you well.
> 
> Love and Peace always
> 
> KevinZX


 
Write a letter???????

Let's make something perfectly clear. Cheating and manipulating your spouse and breaking up a home and family are about extreme selfishness and are character issues and bad behavior. 

They are NOT about a lack of enlightenment about the OP's feelings of love and devotion. 

A letter does not make a selfish person of low character change their behavior.

This is a common trait amongst BS's. Many BS's fantasize that if they could express themselves and their anguish well enough to the WS that the WS will change their behavior and will good people and will no longer involve with other people and will no longer abandon their homes and spouses and families. 

This is about bad character, selfishness and no boundaries. It is not about lack of awareness of the OP's feelings or lack of awareness of the impact to the home and children.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> I just got into it with her. She says she is feeling controlled and with that she stopped loving me. I see it as supporting her interest when she wanted to do something because she was stuck the house with the boys. She does not want to work on anything and wants to be left alone. She said if I want to pursue a divorce, she will take the kids and leave me. Can she do that legally right then and there? Or we wait next month when she starts working and try to live in the same house. I love my kids and I can't bare not to see them on a daily basis. This is so unfair.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my LGLS992 using Tapatalk


Those are legal questions that a lawyer in your jurisdiction will need to address.

Get a lawyer as soon as you can and start making plans and preparations and start circling your wagons.

She has the upper hand here because she is using your fear and your desperation against you.

Get armed with knowledge and legal preparation so you will know where you actually stand with the law and then you won't be so fearful and easily intimidated and manipulated.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

See a pit bull lawyer. Now!

The screwing you're getting now is nowhere near the ****ing you're going to get if you don't lawyer up. 

Somewhere, she has girlfriends coaching her and egging her on. As well as some dude exploring her lady parts. 

Be smart. It's the rest of your life you're dealing with.


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

don't go easy on her she is now your enemy


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

hylton7 said:


> don't go easy on her she is now your enemy


Unfortunately there is some truth to this. 

She is inflicting pain and damage onto you and your family and can potentially destroy your credit, take your home, take your money, severely limit your access to your children etc etc 

if you do not defend yourself and protect your assets and resources vigorously she will continue to hurt and damage you and your family worse. 

You have to take legal and definitive action to protect yourself and you will have to do it without regards to her comfort and feelings. 

She will be angry and bitter that you do not support her and allow her unfettered access to her boyfriend. She will be angry and will lash out. 

Defending yourself will incur some expense and will cause disruption and ill-will between. But continuing to be a doormat and not putting the brakes on her behavior will be truly devastating. 

Like another poster said above, we have all seen this here many times and can read it like a book. You are not an exception here.


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

I merely mentioned a letter as away of opening up a dialogue between the two of them for the kids sake if nothing else, i know a woman that has smashed my life would not dream of putting pen to paper to help with some sort of explanation, she is far to selfish and immature to do this, again a letter is a way of saying something that is difficult to say, it will not work in the majority of cases, i accept this.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


Oh for God's sakes, wake up and smell the coffee.

The woman is done with you. She's been *having an affair for months* and stupidly thought she could boot you out and date her boyfriend - while still expecting *you *to support her. What a dumb-ass. Good for you, making her go back to work.

Why are you even considering this current sham of a marriage as something you might want to do "long term" and using your kids as your excuse for ACCEPTING this nonsense? *That's* what you're doing. Your using your kids as an excuse - claiming how upsetting it would be for them to have to switch between parents - yet you think it's totally fine to let them witness your marital dysfunction day in and day out while you two are dividing the house down the middle and these kids have mommy sleeping in their bedroom and the other now has to sleep in your room. Where's all your 'kid' concern *now*?

You're choosing not to deal with your cheating wife because you're too* afraid *to, not because you're "doing it for you kids." All this nonsense about refusing to find the evidence (and you KNOW it's there) and 'respecting her privacy and not going through her phone' is just more cowardly rhetoric because you're too afraid to deal with the TRUTH. Don't misunderstand - I get it. No one wants to find something like that out.

But if you continue to live in denial and fear, then expect to have the rug pulled right out from underneath you.

Again and again.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Your best bet is to get proof of the affair and expose it to family and friends.

1- it's your best chance to stop it 
It takes the affair out of happy, fantasy world and into real life. 
If her partner is also married, telling his spouse usually stops things pretty quick. She'll go from the love of his life to "just some girl who meant nothing to me!" As he tries to reconcile with his wife. 

2- her family will know why she is wanting to leave and hopefully talk some sense into her. 

3- there is 0 point in trying to fix or negotiate anything while she is in her affair. First step is ending it, then you can go from there. 


Snooping: Is it wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in marriage? by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. - Marriage Builders®


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Lost&heartbroken, wake up. She is cheating on you and treating you like a chump, a doormat. All her actions so far are textbook cheating. Denial, blame shifting, ruthlessness, vicious stupid threats. Same story here on TAM over and over. For your own mental and physical health and the sake of your kids wake up or everyone will unnecessarily suffer deeper and longer. Infidelity is like a cancer in a marriage. Untreated it eats you up. Exposure might kill it. If exposure does not you cut the cancer out. The women you knew as you loving wife has been replaced by a mean spirited selfish vicious jerk who no longer sees you as her partner. Her loyalties are now to her lover. She just as yet has not had the guts to be honest and tell you yet. They rarely do until confronted with undeniable evidence. Then they still say its your fault that they lied. Take the advice you have been freely offered here. Lawyer up, protect your assets, protect your children.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Lost&heartbroken said:


> Thanks everyone for the comments. People have said she might me cheating me. But I have no proof. *I respected here privacy and Im not going through her phone. *I worked to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I fear it went through a divorce that she would screw me with payments.
> 
> At this point she wants to be independent. She wants to be the person before she met me. I would have supported her to get a job for herself and I told her that she has responsibilities more than before. She did not think this all the way through.
> 
> Has anyone lived in the same house with different lives so the kids did not have to move back and forth?


So she and her boyfriend are going to destroy your family and future as you now know it but you are going to respect her privacy to cheat on you. I'm sure you wayward wife and boyfriend appreciate that. 

Incredible !!!! Good luck 

With your attitude and lack of actions you'll need it.


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