# Wife insults me



## Nitro68 (Mar 3, 2013)

My wife insults me almost daily. For example this morning we driving to my mothers and I just made a comment... "Oh they put a new pizza shop where Subway use to be"... Her reply was..." You a moron ??? There was no Subway shop there before".. And another example.. I walked into the bath room open up the blinds a little to see if it was raining outside..Then wife started talking to me and few minutes later I started to exit our bathroom. I then turn around when I heard her yelling at me..."Hey you stupid ????? Why did you leave the blinds open"? "You did that on purpose just to pissed me off!!" I just forgot to close the blinds.. But before anyone ask.. she had all her clothes on and no one can see into our bath room.. And the blinds were just barely open. So anyway.. those just a few examples of daily insults.
So why does the wife need to insult daily ??


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Nitro68 said:


> My wife insults me almost daily. For example this morning we driving to my mothers and I just made a comment... "Oh they put a new pizza shop where Subway use to be"... Her reply was..." *You a moron* ??? There was no Subway shop there before".. And another example.. I walked into the bath room open up the blinds a little to see if it was raining outside..Then wife started talking to me and few minutes later I started to exit our bathroom. I then turn around when I heard her yelling at me..."*Hey you stupid* ????? Why did you leave the blinds open"? "You did that on purpose just to pissed me off!!" I just forgot to close the blinds.. But before anyone ask.. she had all her clothes on and no one can see into our bath room.. And the blinds were just barely open. So anyway.. those just a few examples of daily insults.
> So why does the wife need to insult daily ??


She's a mean spirited bitsh.

What do you do when she says this? I'm sure my voice would raise, and let her know if she EVER talked to me like that again I will burn all of her chit and throw her a$$ out.

Don't take that crap. Everyone deserves respect.

What have you been doing after she spews this crap at you?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Because she's an abusive person and you allow her to do it. It seems many people unwittingly enter into a marriage with this dynamic. The only way to change the dynamic is to change how you act and how you respond when she does this. She should be told in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate her insults and tell her the next time she does it you will leave. Then you have to back it up with leaving because she will do it again. You have to have a solid plan to leave before you tell her. It's about your actions and her respect. Right now she thinks you'll take anything she dishes out because she believes you don't have the guts to leave her. She doesn't respect you and you might as well be the family dog.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I also would like to know what your responses are to her insults. 

Moron? Stupid? She sounds like a hateful person. Nothing to figure out there.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sounds like my ex. Note he's an EX. And I'm much happier for it. He is narcissistic and not just to me - anyone who didn't use a turn signal was an f-ing idiot. Criticizing others was the way he continued to feel superior because he is (deep inside) terrified of feeling inferior and unworthy. 

Regardless of a mental illness excuse, it's verbal abuse and it's not OK to treat ANYONE like that. Do you want your children to be spoken to that way? When your child is playing 'house' and puts the mustard in the coat closet and you hear your spouse berate a 2 year old for doing something stupid and accuse them of doing it on PURPOSE because the child should KNOW the mustard was needed to prepare a sandwich, then watch the toddler stop dead, stunned by, see the tears, hurt and confusion in their eyes for being yelled at... you'll want to leave. So do it NOW. Do NOT have children with this woman whatever you do.

If you want to save it, that's up to you but tell her you are leaving and getting a divorce until you both enter counseling because name calling isn't OK for anyone, not children on a playground and certainly not for adults who know better and have the communication skills to speak kindly.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Because she doesn't respect you.

What's your next question?

C


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

PBear said:


> Because she doesn't respect you.


+1

That's all you really need to know.

People don't talk to other people they respect in that manner--even in a marriage.

Do you respect yourself? Really, think about it. A lot of people don't. Nobody's going to respect you until you believe you are worthy of respect.

In other words, you may need to work on yourself, not her.

The book "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" deals with this. A lot of people learn incorrectly in childhood that it's OK for other people to verbally abuse them; some part of them believes that they don't deserve to be treated any better than this. They never lean to set boundaries and refuse to let people mistreat them.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

She does it because she can. 

Because you let her.

Usually people like this don't speak this way to everyone... not their boss or other authoritative people like church leaders or police officers. So they can easily control the behaviour... they just chose not to sometimes.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Besides insulting you , what other bad things does she do to you?. She sounds narcissistic and you are living emotional abuse. Tell her to stop and changes her attitude. Good luck


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Nitro68 said:


> So why does the wife need to insult daily ??


So why do you need to tolerate it??


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Exactly. What do you say in response? And why do you put up with her nonsense? Nobody deserves to be that.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

How do you usually respond? Do you sulk away, like a whipped dog? Do you get whiny or defensive? Do you pout and sulk, waiting for her to treat you better? If you did any of these, then you are not generating respect.
Keep your cool. Imagine you are Clint F-ing Eastwood, listening to some crazy A...B..... Don't blow up at her...pretend like that garbage isn't even worth responding to...like that crap is just another language. Be cool as a cucumber. Just quietly do whatever...not saying a word. Calculated. Then at a more appropriate time when she is more chill...talk to her calmly...and concisely. "How you spoke to me is inappropriate. There is no excuse to treat me in that manner...and I will not be spoken to in that manner." And then let it go...not showing a single ounce of being butt-hurt or sulky. Or if you think it is appropriate...bring some levity into the situation..."Yeah, honey I let it open on purpose cos I promised the neighbors that you'd give em a show with that hot body of yours." In these situations you are asserting your masculinity...not letting her petty crap get to you...and even keeping it playful.


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

Nitro68 said:


> My wife insults me almost daily. For example this morning we driving to my mothers and I just made a comment... "Oh they put a new pizza shop where Subway use to be"... Her reply was..." You a moron ??? There was no Subway shop there before".. And another example.. I walked into the bath room open up the blinds a little to see if it was raining outside..Then wife started talking to me and few minutes later I started to exit our bathroom. I then turn around when I heard her yelling at me..."Hey you stupid ????? Why did you leave the blinds open"? "You did that on purpose just to pissed me off!!" I just forgot to close the blinds.. But before anyone ask.. she had all her clothes on and no one can see into our bath room.. And the blinds were just barely open. So anyway.. those just a few examples of daily insults.
> So why does the wife need to insult daily ??


More importantly why do you accept it , instead of dealing with it on the spot?


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

carolinadreams said:


> More importantly why do you accept it , instead of dealing with it on the spot?


Obviously, he doesn't know HOW to deal with it.

Maybe that should be the focus of this thread. It's easy to tell someone what to do, but it's different when you're on the firing line. Suddenly you're unsure about all that good advice you were giving other.

We need to help him learn how to deal with this, not assume he already knows.


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