# Stepkids, Wife, Me, Cat and Her Parents



## MeowMan (Aug 19, 2011)

This is a long one so grab a drink. 

I have been with my wife now 13yrs, married 11, She was married before and this is where both of her kids came from. I have been there for both kids all through school and now one is in community college. The older child is 19, female and autisic, she has the intelligence of about a 7-8yr old. The 18yr boy has bipolar and some likeness of autism (they cant fully diagnose with it) and of course ADHD. 

This marriage started out about us all being a family but now it evolves around the kids. Whats also hampered things is I got injured at work 2yrs ago and now only work part time compared to the money I made as a construction worker. My wife also got into a car wreck 4 months ago and she is also trying to recover from things. So as you can see things hit us hard. 

Well even before my injury, things got heated around here. My stepson had been suspended from school over 25 times, and was expelled which they retracted when he went for a second time in a mental hospital for 16 days. He talks to himself alot and when he gets emotionally upset he takes it out on objects (he has never hit a person). His issues has been the stake of 75% of the issues with my wife and me.

Surprising my stepdaughter is never a issue with us and never has been. She lives with us as well and we want her to unless something happens as we dont want her in some home. This is something I knew about when I met my wife.

My wife and me have not had sex or any kind of time together in over 3yrs (before my injury or hers). Its been very hard as i am attracted to my wife but no matter what I say or do works with her. She has made it clear she doesnt care if she ever has it again. She doesnt feel its a problem, even as much as ive tried to talk to her about things. She had a hysterectomy about a 1yr ago after some issues with her insides occured. I thought well maybe this is why she hasnt wanted sex was cause she had some type of female issue. It turned out it wasnt and after she had it and healed up now shes even more against sex. 

So between my stepson and me having arguements and his issues (alot which he can and does have control of) and my wife and me just being "roommates". I dont know if I can handle it anymore nor do I think I want to. I think my stepson needs special help and my wife doesnt and her family is all the time on us (calling over 10 times a day etc, they live 4 blocks away) I went to counseling for several years and quit when my counselor left her pratice. I was trying to gather how to handle being a stepdad and was dealing with my stepkids being special needs. I dont feel like I have a family anymore and with the HUGE split going on my stepson is doing. My best friend is my cat whom now adays sits and watchs tv with me. Im just not sure why I even try.


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## PrivateTalk (May 27, 2011)

Wow, I'm so sorry it sound as though you have had it rough.

Um I'm not an expert by any means but perhaps your wife may want to speak with a DR. and a counsellor. I say this because I have heard that if a woman gets a hysterectomy she can become chemically unbalanced and sex drive can plummet as a result. She may also need the counselling because after having that type of surgery she may see herself as less than a woman and need help working through that.

I do know that if you both don’t take steps to improve the situation you will most likely “check-out” of the marriage and having spent 13 years with her and those kids is allot to lose.

The best thing you can do is make a huge effort to reconnect with your wife and show her that you love her by trying to get help to save the marriage because whether she admits it or not sex is a large part of showing your partner love and being together and if she’s not wanting that then there are deeper issues keeping her away.

Hope this helps  keep trying it sounds like your family is worth the effort


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## ulous (May 15, 2011)

At the risk of sounding terribly shallow, have you thought of trying to read some motivational material? Reading positive things can help a bit. Try Dale Carngie or something you find inspiring perhaps. What about just trying to make sure you hug your wife every day for a start?


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