# Sex After Hysterectomy...Our Story



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Well, it has not happened yet, so the story it still being written. It may be soon. The last time we had sex was February 22 and we are a couple that averages 2-3 times a week. 

Soon after that date my DW started experiencing heavy periods again and abdominal pain that grew progressively worse. She had one ovary removed in the summer of 2011 because of a cyst. She also had a fibroid on the outside of her uterus. The Dr. said that a hysterectomy would be the next step. 

She is 57 and we thought that her periods should be ending soon...but they were not and they were back to the heavy flow. All indications were that a laparoscpoically assisted vaginal hysterectomy would be performed with a 6 week recovery. That did not happen.

The surgeon discovered that endometrial scarring had totally encased the left ureter and he accidentally severed the ureter. An abdominal incision was required and a urologist was called in to reattach the ureter to the bladder. A stent was inserted while the ureter healed (it was removed 2 weeks ago). She has been back in the hospital twice. The surgery was March 14, 9 weeks ago.

Recovery has been slow, but she returned to work today (part time). She is doing much better, but we have not had sex yet. I think we will soon, but it is a bit scary. Will she have pain? Will she still orgasm (we have read that many women experience no difficulty and notice no difference). How will this affect our relationship?

Although I am not really looking for advice, feel free to share if you want. I just wanted to share our story. I will update when sex finally happens.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

For calling yourself "romantic_guy", you seem to care a whole lot more about getting sex, than about how your wife is feeling after surgery. Hopefully you don't come across that way to her.

Anyways, each woman will respond to a hysterectomy differently, as she loses a number of hormones from that procedure. My friend had a hysterectomy at age 33 and never had issues afterward. Another woman I know had some complications and it took months to feel "normal" again. It just depends. 

Hope she is feeling better soon.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yikes! Your poor wife! has she been cleared for sex yet? Are there any precautions about avoiding UTI's.... Super clean hands and all that...

Your care and concern come through loud and clear and I find it very touching! I'm sure your wife misses you as much as you miss her and I have no doubt that whatever special care she needs, she will communicate that to you, because you already have that pattern so well established, and you will respond beautifully!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Anonymous07 said:


> For calling yourself "romantic_guy", you seem to care a whole lot more about getting sex, than about how your wife is feeling after surgery. Hopefully you don't come across that way to her.
> Hope she is feeling better soon.


I hope I have not come across that way either. She misses sex as much as I do. I guess I should have said "we" more often. I never mentioned sex until last week. I asked her, "Do you want me to wait until you approach me?" She answered, "No I don't mind at all if you ask. I will let you know if it is too pushy." She has not let me know that. 

She knows I care for her and how she is feeling. I stayed with her overnight several nights in the hospital and took much time away from work to nurse her back to health. I was totally at her beck and call 24/7. I have taken her to every Dr. appointment. 

I am hoping to share so others in this situation can learn.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Yikes! Your poor wife! has she been cleared for sex yet? Are there any precautions about avoiding UTI's.... Super clean hands and all that...
> 
> Your care and concern come through loud and clear and I find it very touching! I'm sure your wife misses you as much as you miss her and I have no doubt that whatever special care she needs, she will communicate that to you, because you already have that pattern so well established, and you will respond beautifully!


Thanks! She has been cleared for sex. Re: UTI's, she had a kidney infection and was on antibiotics for 6 weeks. That has finally cleared!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

romantic_guy said:


> I hope I have not come across that way either. She misses sex as much as I do. I guess I should have said "we" more often. I never mentioned sex until last week. I asked her, "Do you want me to wait until you approach me?" She answered, "No I don't mind at all if you ask. I will let you know if it is too pushy." She has not let me know that.
> 
> She knows I care for her and how she is feeling. I stayed with her overnight several nights in the hospital and took much time away from work to nurse her back to health. I was totally at her beck and call 24/7. I have taken her to every Dr. appointment.
> 
> I am hoping to share so others in this situation can learn.


You didn't come across as sex starved at all. You came across as a husband deeply concerned for his wife and deeply cherishes the emotional communion sex brings, and miss it for the connection, not for the release!

Mr. Pink did a few very touching things for me when I as sick. The first week home from the hospital I didn't have the strength to move in bed, to pull up covers... he jumped every time he heard me moan or grunt. I cherished that since he's never been very... Oh never mind!

Anyway, Bravo RG!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> You didn't come across as sex starved at all. You came across as a husband deeply concerned for his wife and deeply cherishes the emotional communion sex brings, and miss it for the connection, not for the release!
> 
> Mr. Pink did a few very touching things for me when I as sick. The first week home from the hospital I didn't have the strength to move in bed, to pull up covers... he jumped every time he heard me moan or grunt. I cherished that since he's never been very... Oh never mind!
> 
> Anyway, Bravo RG!


Thanks again AP. I just could not imagine her all alone at the hospital at night. I did not stay every night, but I did stay several nights. Fortunately she was in a great hospital and received excellent care. I slept on the recliner every night when she came home because she could only get comfortable on the couch. Like your hubby, I jumped every time I heard a groan.

It is so hard to see someone you love hurt so much.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm sorry your wife is struggling! It took a long time before I was ready for sex after my hysterectomy.I was afraid mostly.

I'm sure she's very grateful for your support through this extremely difficult time


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

FWIW, my wife had a complete hysterectomy in her 30's for endometriosis. 

It didn't change our sex life except over the short term in any way at all. She tried replacement hormone therapy for a couple of years, but ultimately decided it might not be in her best long term health interests to continue.

Her sex drive, admittedly pretty low to begin with, at least got no worse. Her ability to orgasm was unaffected. We have always used applied lubrication, so if there was any change there it would have gone unnoticed. 

In short, it was a complete non-event as far as our sex life was concerned. Here's hoping the same for you.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

My wife had a hysterectomy at 25, delestrogen shots caused breast cancer and had a double masectomy in 2007. Hormones out of wack with thyroid trouble to go with it. I guess she is one of the lucky ones or something. We go at it like rabbits. She hasnt slowed down a bit. I guess each woman is different and reacts different ways. The hormone imbalance and thyroid trouble brings about her "diva" fits a few times a week. Other than that, its all good. Best of luck to the both of you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lordhavok said:


> My wife had a hysterectomy at 25, delestrogen shots caused breast cancer and had a double masectomy in 2007. Hormones out of wack with thyroid trouble to go with it. I guess she is one of the lucky ones or something. We go at it like rabbits. She hasnt slowed down a bit. I guess each woman is different and reacts different ways. The hormone imbalance and thyroid trouble brings about her "diva" fits a few times a week. Other than that, its all good. Best of luck to the both of you.


Holy Cow! Is your wife on TAM? With what she's been through she could offer incredible insight into keeping a marriage going!


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Holy Cow! Is your wife on TAM? With what she's been through she could offer incredible insight into keeping a marriage going!


No, she's not. She dont know I'm a member here. Kind of like it that way, gives me a place to vent, but then again, maybe she could help some people.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Thanks for your encouragement everyone. It has not happened yet, but she is still experiencing abdominal discomfort. We found out today that there is still a kidney infection. They don't want her back on antibiotics...they want her to keep forcing fluids. This very well could be the cause of the discomfort.

At 57 she probably won't need HRT. She has had no hot flashes and only night sweats a few times.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

romantic_guy said:


> Thanks for your encouragement everyone. It has not happened yet, but she is still experiencing abdominal discomfort. We found out today that there is still a kidney infection. They don't want her back on antibiotics...they want her to keep forcing fluids. This very well could be the cause of the discomfort.
> 
> At 57 she probably won't need HRT. She has had no hot flashes and only night sweats a few times.


If she dont have gout, get her to drink bucket loads of cranberry juice. The bacteria cannot survive in the acid enviroment it creates in they kidneys. If she has gout trouble, dont drink it. She'll have stones to go with it. Cranberry juice will knock out a kidney infection in a day or so.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I think the questions you're asking are incredibly thoughtful and concerned. I see a man that loves his wife and wants to re-establish intimacy.

I can only say that my mom says sex for her was better after her hysterectomy because her cysts had been causing some pain/discomfort so hopefully all will be wonderful for you two soon!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

UPDATE: Well, this afternoon she said she wanted to try to have sex...first time in 12 weeks. Me entering her was no problem...no discomfort. The good news is that she had an orgasm as usual...even faster than usual. The bad news is that the orgasm was painful. We are hoping that the pain is related to her ongoing kidney infection and that it will not be painful after the infection is gone. A painful orgasm is and was not enjoyable!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I used to get cramps after orgasms when I first started having them. But that stopped happening pretty quickly. Maybe its just muscles that are isolated now and in time they will become more ...toned, for lack of a better word.

Did you just climb out of bed to give us this update?


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