# is it worth it or just stay annd stick it out



## Bbrewer23 (May 18, 2011)

I’ve never posted here but here it goes
Just looking for some advice also 
So I have been married for 10.5 years I was 22 she was 21 we have 2 awesome kids nice house, car, jobs etc. But…About 3 years ago I was getting frustrated the way my wife was acting (always pissed off, Reading all of the time, acting cold ) to me very distant I’d go approach her about it and she was say that nothing is wrong everything is good. She wouldn’t pay attention to the house or kids. (I think 50\50 is good not everything but a lot) I have ADHA (I’m taking care of it Proper drugs) with that comes a bad memory so she would say that I’m making it up or I have no idea what I’m talking about or try and change the story . So I up set so I key logging software on all of the home pc’s a week later I got all of the passwords and stared to check her email, Facebook and so on . It took about a year but I found out in a chat room that she didn’t know I was watching that she cheated on me with 2 other guys . I printed out the chat and dropped it in front of her and asked her if it was worth it. She didn’t know what to say she was stunned she asked for forgiveness and said I could have anything.( at this time she told me that she married me to get out of her parents’ house and then she got pregnant so we have been married ever since.) Being the Nice guy and living in Massachusetts (dad loses no matter what) I forgave her we have been trying to patch it up since then. But I don’t think it’s working. Before all of this I would have given her the world( I miss that and I feel the next woman I will be able to do that ) Now I can barely look at her. Now it’s to the point that she is starting to read a lot again and fall in to a depression again and it feels like I’m raising the kids again by myself. I don’t ask her to do much I do the laundry, dishes and I have a maid that cleans the house. I coach my kid’s baseball, soccer and teach them music. My kids have shown expression that they don’t want to be with her esp when she is in a bad depression and she doesn’t want to do anything about it. She also wonders why we’re not planning any trips to go anywhere 
My question to anyone is 
1 Do I separate ask her to leave with a chance of losing the kids
2 Keep \ stick around for around for the kids’ sake ?
3 Is there any good place to meet woman that are in the same predicament that I am in “Just there for the Kids sake”?

I think I’m going to hang on till my kids are older then find a woman that has been in the same predicament as me 

I just want to see what other people think


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

If you want to save your marriage, commit to hard work MC and IC her her. It will be about 1-2 years of hard work.

Its up to you, but I suggest you take the MC route.


----------



## Bbrewer23 (May 18, 2011)

Ya I tried that we went she said she didnt want to talk about the Affair we went 6 times and really all it did was create a fight after we left she was saying I was blaming everything on her thats becouse she decided to sit there and plead the 5th for everything it's been about a year and half now scince I found out and about 4 scince the event there are no feelings left it's more of a brother and sister relationship i'm going to stick it out then move on when my kids get older


----------



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

If it is now like a brother/sister thing and there are no feelings left, than it sounds like you have a good plan on sticking it out til your kids are more grown, because that sounds like it is really important to you. It sounds, from a stranger's point of view, that she isn't interested and hasn't been for sometime but may feel just "stuck". And if she didn't feel that way, why would she tell you she only married you to get out of her parent's house? This could be true, or maybe it is something she came up with to try to reason why she doesn't feel the same anymore as she did when you first got married. Women try to find reason and meaning behind everything that way when men have a tendency to look at things more matter-of-fact-wise. 

You sound like a good guy. I sure wish I had the "help" 50/50 like you seem to do. And you care very much about your kids. That's a great thing! Don't lose that!


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Personally, I would kick her out with the risk of losing the kids. She cheated on you and I'm pretty sure that means something legally. Talk to a lawyer. The only way you will have a chance of getting your wife back is to have her face the consequences of cheating on you. She has a good life right now that you are enabling. 

I would suggest reading love must be tough.


----------

