# Men that still love their WS



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Well, the ink is dry on my divorce papers and we both have moved on.

I have a potential date but he (I think) is still hurting from his divorce. I don't think I want to be a transitional person because it seems depressing.

I want a go-slow friendship.

BS's what made you want to date if you were still hurting!

Revenge?

Sex?

Loneliness ?

I already have it in my mind to cancel but maybe it could just be a friendship.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Are you sure this is about him?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Well, the ink is dry on my divorce papers and we both have moved on.
> 
> I have a potential date but he (I think) is still hurting from his divorce. I don't think I want to be a transitional person because it seems depressing.
> 
> ...


Personally been separated for 20 mnths and do not even look at woman. I have moved forward in terms of mvstbx but do not want to have any more emotional interference in my head or heart whilst the divorce is still finalized. In terms of still loving her I recently have accepted that maybe I still do in some ways but it is waning and it is not all encompassing as it of course was. 

I want a complete clean heart and mind before I even look at any romantic connections again.

Miss the obvious and the intimacy but that's par for the course. I have in positive terms become better acquainted with myself and in terms of woman I have realized I dont HAVE to have a bond with another one. I've become quite comfortable with my own company and who I am. For the future I'd like a realtionship that is healthy and full of the things we all want _but not at the cost of zero trust or respect_ which I have had for far too long so I can be patient, I can wait. I can still have a great life as I evolve into the next stage of my life with or without a significant other at my side


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Each person moves forward at their own pace. The hurt may never go away for years, doesn't mean life should stop until the hurt dissipates entirely.
Unfortunately he will bring a lot of baggage into the relationship, maybe he'll compare her to you, maybe you won't win his trust easily because he's been betrayed.

Maybe, if, but, possibly...

This is life, even had he not been married he might have been carrying baggage, these are the risks we take every time we pair off with someone and date.

I'd say go and enjoy yourselves, from what I see the WS is winning by inserting themselves into this relationship with just ifs, maybes and possibly's. He divorced her, made the decision to move forward and he's dating you. 

Go and enjoy, but watch out for the red flags (By no means limited to just you..everybody should watch out for red flags..saves a lot of heartache)


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Rugs said:


> Well, the ink is dry on my divorce papers and we both have moved on.
> 
> I have a potential date but he (I think) is still hurting from his divorce. I don't think I want to be a transitional person because it seems depressing.
> 
> ...


I jumped into dating really fast because of the loneliness and just my age to be honest.. 

Look I have a mom who helps me out.. She is 80 years old.. I need her help VERY MUCH.. I couldn't do my job with her being around.. My brother is here also, but he is pretty much useless to me.. He is barely good for picking up my son at school.. 

Sadly if something happens to my mom, I would be pressured to find someone and push the relationship into high gear and moving along faster than I would want to.. 

At least now I can date someone, explain honestly my issues. Which mainly is a trust issue and hope for the best.. 

But for that you really need to find someone who understands you and can accept you. Which I am clearly seeing is not an easy task..


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I started dating after everything was done and I was just waiting for the final papers. It was done 7 months previous.

I had a throw away date. I knew it would go nowhere because 1 I wasn't ready, 2 I had no idea how to date, been married so long.

I am very comfortable with who I am and who I want to be. I have no intention of settling. It would be nice to have someone, but I don't feel any need at all to have someone. When you reach that stage, then I think you are really ready to date seriously. If you think this guy is a throw away because he has issues, then keep yourself ready to end it if it's going nowhere.

My buddies and I have a saying. It doesn't matter how beautiful the girl is, there is some guy in the world who is tired of putting up with her crap. It is tongue and cheek, but keep in mind you only want to put up with so much. Don't feel you have to stay.

Take the time to present yourself as who you have become after the mess. Work out your issues and yes maybe date a few people that you are not totally into as let's say practice. I had to shake some rust out to be sure. Good luck to you.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

For me, I started dating before my D became official....yeah I know I should have waited I suppose. But it was loneliness.....
At the time, I was used to being married (for almost 5 years), so the thought of not being around someone felt odd & humiliating. 

I felt so alone after my XW told me she didnt want to be married.
(At the time I didnt know there was another guy.)

The feeling was the loneliest I have ever felt...I thought my life was over....that everything I thought life could be was now destroyed. I wanted to kill myself so many times....

Anyway, I know some people are stronger & can deal with this way better than I did. Its been almost 10 years since that fateful day. The pain is less, but the memory is still there. Some have baggage and take it with them their whole life....others seem to easily empty the baggage out & reuse the suitcase so to speak.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Just don't get together and share your "sad" stories (i.e. about divorce and cheating and broken families, etc). No idea why so many people do that, that's depressing. I don't want to hear that. At all. I want to be happy and talk about happy thing and our potential bright future together.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

If my wife and I divorce, I'm sure I will always love her to some degree. It's tough to deal with but it's life. She wants out and I want to work on it with MC still. She says the MC helps a lot but she still has one foot out the door. Who knows>??


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Well, I'm a BS divorcing my WW. It was 1 month after dday I started flirting with other women, and I bed one of them right away.

Her affair killed the love I had for her in a fairly short time, so I was not still pining for her - but I did hold out hope I could somehow save my family. We tried R but I couldn't do it and ended it.

I would say be very careful - but that depends on what you're after. I was not (and am still not, 1 year out) in a place for a healthy relationship. I dated a lot at the start to get my confidence back, to know that I was desirable, to rebuild my shattered self. ANd even though these women knew I wasn't divorced and that it was still raw, some got hurt when I felt things getting too serious and ended it. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I know I did.

If you are afraid that you have real feelings for him and maybe he's not there yet, which he probably isn't, protect yourself. A man who's been cheated on and has ended his marriage is not in a stable place (relationship wise), for the most part.


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

I still love my WW. The anger brews up when I think/dwell on her PA and EA. We are separated and she moved out 3 weeks ago. I feel that was a mistake on her part, but we do manage to see each other several times a week. We did have Thanksgiving at my house with our 5 kids. We are in MC also. The separation, I feel, is showing both of us that we can survive without each other, although I didn't want the separation in the first place. But yes, I do still love her and want the marriage to work out. 
As for dating again, Lol. I'm still married and really don't want to go through that again. This is my second marriage. There won't be a third. But I will say, for over the last 30 years , I have rarely not been either dating or married. I'm so used to having someone with me to go places, and do stuff with. Guess I'll have to get used to it for now.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Just don't get together and share your "sad" stories (i.e. about divorce and cheating and broken families, etc). No idea why so many people do that, that's depressing. I don't want to hear that. At all. I want to be happy and talk about happy thing and our potential bright future together.


I agree with you, but some people ask.. I know my current GF asks me sometimes.. But she knows if she is going to ask.. I am going to tell.. 

Its a part of life.. Its a reality.. Like it or not this is something that is going to be a part of me for the rest of my life.. Just like 9/11 was.. I never knew it then but being down there and dealing with the 1000s of grieving family takes its toll. 

This is no different and if anything is worse because this is my own personal 9/11.. 

But I just wouldn't put it out there blindly to someone, like stupid crazy love movie...

As a side note at work, when things don't go the way someone wants, my line is *"Now you know how it felt when my wife left me."* 

It makes them laugh.. Even my co workers say it now about me.. *"Now you know how bobby felt when his wife left him"*

We laugh about it now.. It sure wasn't a joke 11 months ago.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> I jumped into dating really fast because of the loneliness and just my age to be honest..
> ...
> 
> But for that you really need to find someone who understands you and can accept you. Which I am clearly seeing is not an easy task..


Which is why most affairs don't go very far long term...

a. wrong person
b. wrong time
c. wrong decision making strategy/criteria


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Which is why most affairs don't go very far long term...
> 
> a. wrong person
> b. wrong time
> c. wrong decision making strategy/criteria


I don't know I will tell you how it goes for my Ex.. 

They have been together cheating since July 2012. They moved in together in April of 2013.. 

Sometimes it can be an exit affair, so the reality is she was going to leave regardless.. 

Personally I believe my Ex is stubborn enough that she will just fake it for sake of her pride..


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