# Bedroom issueED?



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I’m feeling very self conscious at the moment so so will read but may not respond right away. I’m honestly trying to not internalize and accept husband at his word.

Both 50. Sex has been 2/3 times a week, on average. Less or more at times.
I initiated this morning. All was going well. In the middle of a great session I said I love you. He said I love you too. Few minutes later he said “something’s wrong. I don’t know what” and stopped”. Hugged me , etc. said it wasn’t working. Could we pick it up later tonight?
I know age takes a toll (he’s normal weight) at times.
However, stopping after saying I love you seemed odd.

hus schedule hasn’t changed, not locking / hiding phone, not changing appearance or obvious things.
Do I just assume this issue occurred and was not related to anything else?
We say I love you daily. Hug and kiss. And while I’m not s guy and have no idea what this is like to him, I do feel bad I wasn’t able to prevent this/ overcome it.

sorry but never dealt with this.can’t really put it into words. Should I assume I’m the cause? Someone else?


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Don't read too much into it. He's in a major panic, even though he may not show it. It may be the start of ED, it may be nothing. Be patient and supportive. Don't overreact yet.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Thank you, afterward we cuddled for about 10 minutes. He came out to see me off to work and told me I looked pretty and love you.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I do feel bad I wasn’t able to prevent this/ overcome it.
> 
> sorry but never dealt with this.can’t really put it into words. Should I assume I’m the cause? Someone else?


Please please please do not internalize this. Dont feel bad, you cant prevent it. You are NOT the cause! It is not someone else.

If you go the way you are talking, you can make it far worse! He already is bothered by it infinitely more than you are. 

Be gentle, understanding, and patient. My wife was all of these, didnt take my problems personally, and I still ended up with a psycholigical ED. Actually dreading to see morning!

If the problem persists, encourage him to seek help from a competent physician. It can be solved easily but he will need to take the lead.

Sorry you are here, but age takes a toll on a man.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> And while I’m not s guy and have no idea what this is like to him


Take it from me, it is HORRIBLE! The next time you are together he will be worried, wondering if it is going to work. Your actions and words will have impact on how bad this can get. If you take the reins and take a nonchalant attitude that can help. My wife took it as a challenge and essentially treated it as a bump in the road. Meanwhile, I was worried she would leave me if didnt fix it.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Most men over 50 have trouble keeping an erection.

He's not unique in any way and the circumstances surrounding losing his erection that morning matter not.

Maybe his doctor will prescribe Viagara or Cialis. I honestly don't know a guy over 45 who doesn't take it.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I honestly don't know a guy over 45 who doesn't take it.


There are plenty who don't have to take it. Many do by choice.


----------



## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

ED is part physical and part mental. Once it happens the first time (physical lack of response), it becomes an internalized mental fear that self-perpetuates.

The absolute worst thing you can do is express disappointment or pressure him to perform in the moment it's happening. That makes the mental situation way worse and creates resentment and deep seated feelings of inadequacy.

Normal treatment is 5mg Tadalafil (Cialis) daily. That low dose is not enough to present side effects, but since it stays in the system for 72 hours it is always there and he will always be ready without having to plan to take a pill before activities (spontaneity).

An absolutely excellent video:


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I'm 51 and I can tell you this is very unlikely to have anything to do with you and no way the I love you was the trigger. These things just happen. It is the absolute last thing any guy wants to happen. I can also tell you that after it happens the first time it is sooo hard to get it out of your head. For me it is all mental, I often have a hard time staying focused. I have mild ADD/OCD. I'm loving being intimate with my wife, it is my favorite activity, but sometimes intrusive thoughts just pop into my head. I've used meditation to alleviate that and I also started taking daily Cialis. I never had a problem getting an erection, but as I've gotten older I would lose it a lot faster. And once I sense I'm losing it my mind focuses on that and I'm done. Cialis just gives me that little boost both physically and mentally. The meditation trained me to be better at letting those intrusive thought just flow through me without any physical impact. 

After the first couple times this happened my wife didn't think infidelity, but it did make her wonder if it was her. I assured her a 100 times over that is had absolutely nothing to do with her. I'm so turned on by her she can walk by me and just the breeze it creates will get me hard. On the rare occasion it happens now she is very understanding and we just take a step back, go with some gentle foreplay and she gives me some time to clear my head and before you know it were back at it. One time I even got out a vibrator to finish her off. I got hard again in the process and we finish. Since then she will sometimes suggest that I get out a toy and it still works like a charm. You can't be afraid to talk about it and work together to deal with it. 

I think you should try to be supportive of your husband. From your past posts I believe you both really enjoy frequent sex together. I wouldn't react too quick to this one time event, but be prepared for it to happen again. As I said, after the first time it can be very hard for him to not think about it. You have to read him. Maybe do like we do and step back and restart or maybe it is just best to end it, enjoy the time you did have and cuddle. 

So bottom line is you aren't the cause and there isn't someone else. It is just the natural course of things.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jeffsmith35 said:


> *The absolute worst thing you can do is express disappointment* or pressure him to perform in the moment it's happening. That makes the mental situation way worse and creates resentment and deep seated feelings of inadequacy.


This can't be emphasize enough. One time, and one time only, this happened and my wife gave a sigh of disappointment. That was like a dagger to my heart and pride. No way I was getting it back up after that. I didn't hesitate to tell her to please never do that again and explained why. It has never happened again.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Hey, don't take it on you with this. Listen to what everyone has been saying. I'll be 62 soon and I began to suffer from this in my early 50's also. It's gotten to the point I can't get a viable erection with the blue pill. Haven't had piv in almost 4 years now and very frustrating and humiliating. Hard to have your lady believe u love and desire when the boy don't standup! Have an appointment with a urologist this week to see what's up (or not)! Lol there are lots of reasons. Some of mine are due to intimacy issues and stress. As the wife and I have started to bond again, some of the stress has eased and I have started to show signs of life again. So relax, love him, support him and accept what for of intimacy he can give for now.


----------



## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

I did cardio workouts for over a year and vastly improved my vascularity (haha), but it had no effect on improvement of occasional ED. Sildenafil did the trick, but it's not as spontaneous and you have to take a healthy snort of Afrin to avoid "massive stuffy head syndrome". Daily 5mg Tadalafil works great. My cardio health is excellent, so it's not related to that. I'm just happy to have a good solution.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

As other gents have said, failure is psychologically difficult to deal with. I think most failure not caused by physical injury is performance anxiety.

Before you assume that the blue pills are the cure, have his testosterone level checked. Blue pills just make sure the blood vessels are open, but don't supply libido. That would be testosterone.

I was castrate for most of 2020 at age 74. Without testosterone or with low testosterone *you* are the only thing getting him up. At that point it is all in the mind and depends on erotic and physical stimuli. Since it is all in the mind, the least distraction makes the erection disappear instantly.

My wife and I knew what was happening so we could laugh about it and have fun starting all over again.

Best to you both.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Thank you, afterward we cuddled for about 10 minutes. He came out to see me off to work and told me I looked pretty and love you.


This sounds like all the information you need to know. He is clearly worried about his performance as he ages but he stayed to hold you for another 10 minutes. If I was a betting man, I'd say your husband loves you very much.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I agree with the guys not to make a big deal of it at all. It really does just make it worse because they are already dwelling on it, so any attention to it just makes it more likely to happen. It's going to happen from time to time, but this being his first time, that's going to really worry him. Once it happens a couple times but comes back, maybe he can relax more about it.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


I doubt it. He's just 50.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


It could be bloodwork tests needed, or it could be just a little more manual warm up by you or him is needed.

Try the simple first. Does he respond to handies?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

All went well for a few minutes and he stopped. He was going fine.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


The argument had nothing to do with him losing his erection. As long as you arent arguing with him during the act 😐


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> All went well for a few minutes and he stopped. He was going fine.


Yes sometimes that is what happens. That is the worst manifestation. Going flat in the saddle.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


You can analyze this 'till the cows come home. It is wasting emotional energy. He is getting older. Sorry, but a large fraction of men will experience ED to one degree or another before they leave the planet. If you can't handle that, then the only option is to trade him in for a 30 something. Sorry to be blunt but that is how it is.

I have seen surveys that more than half of men over 50 have this problem and if it weren't for the PDE-5 inhibitors their tools would be incapable of plowing a furrow ever again. *MOST* of the issue is psychological. So woman says the wrong thing, or imply the man isn't attracted to them, or show your unhappiness, or use it in an argument and you will create more unhappiness for both of you than you can ever imagine. 

Watch the video. Read written discussions about it. A woman willing and interested in working the problem can go a long way toward solving the problem. There is a chapter in the old "Joy of Sex" book that describes how to address ED. And how to NOT address it. 

As mentioned, my wife took it as a challenge. We would begin to get romantic and it would be obvious to me that it wasn't going to work. I would tell her, "it ain't happening". She would say "We will see about that! Let me see what I can do." And you know what? About 3/4 of the time she would get the damn thing working quite well. She NEVER said "why aren't you attracted to me?" or "Are you angry with me?". 

The woman has a HUGE role to play in fixing the problem or making it very much worse. So choose your words and actions wisely.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> *MOST* of the issue is psychological. So woman says the wrong thing, or imply the man isn't attracted to them, or show your unhappiness, or use it in an argument and you will create more unhappiness for both of you than you can ever imagine.
> 
> *The woman has a HUGE role to play in fixing the problem or making it very much worse. So choose your words and actions wisely.*


You’re advising her to bend over backwards to be more attractive to him right after you said it wasn’t because she wasn’t attractive. Which is it? The woman has a “huge role in fixing the problem”? You’re laying this whole thing at her feet, certainly sounds like you believe it’s her fault. That is really cruel, she came here because she felt insecure and you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited? The issue is psychological? So it’s not a normal aging thing? It’s something that happens because of your wife.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re advising her to bend over backwards to be more attractive to him right after you said it wasn’t because she wasn’t attractive. Which is it? The woman has a “huge role in fixing the problem”? You’re laying this whole thing at her feet, certainly sounds like you believe it’s her fault. That is really cruel, she came here because she felt insecure and you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited?


Not talking about attractiveness AT all! Has nothing to do with the problem. I wrote nothing about attractiveness. Maybe you are just looking for an argument. I ain't goimg to argue with you. Has your husband ever experienced ED? If not, it is just a matter of time.

I directed my advice to OP. By her words and actions she can help a lot or harm a lot. Her choice.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Has your husband ever experienced ED? If not, it is just a matter of time.


Yeah, message received.

@snowbum, there is a lot of research that says most ED is a medical issue (aging or medication). It’s not that you are doing anything wrong, and it’s not that anything is wrong with you. You’ve posted that you’re pretty, young and thin so I’m sure you’re beautiful and it’s not you at all. You don’t need to read books on special sex techniques to fight ED, because if it’s a medical issue then such things wouldn’t work. You can be sympathetic and kind without internalizing this and making it about your attractiveness. It’s probably easier on your husband if you don’t, he doesn’t want to hurt you more by laying this at your feet to fix on your own.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited?


No I am not. The problem usually has nothing to do with him being excited. It has to do with the complex chemical and hormonal processes that produce an erection. A lot of things have to work right for it to happen. The nerves either aren't receiving the signals or the blood circulation can't respond to the nerve instructions.



TexasMom1216 said:


> The issue is psychological?


Yes, it has a psychological component. The initial problem morphs into a psychological one.



TexasMom1216 said:


> So it’s not a normal aging thing?


Yes, advancing age causes the initial physical problem. Usually from blood circulation problems. A large percentage of men will someday experience ED.



TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s something that happens because of your wife.


The wife has nothing to do with causing it. But if she wants to she can help her husband fix the problem. Or she can make it much worse than it needs to be. If she doesn't care to help, well that is her choice.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Jeffsmith35 said:


> ED is part physical and part mental. Once it happens the first time (physical lack of response), it becomes an internalized mental fear that self-perpetuates.
> 
> The absolute worst thing you can do is express disappointment or pressure him to perform in the moment it's happening. That makes the mental situation way worse and creates resentment and deep seated feelings of inadequacy.
> 
> ...


Now along with that, be aware there are real side affects of both to both Cialis and Viagra. Please consult with a Dr before trying to take these! I could not take Cialis. I developed migraines within the first 48 hours, severe pulsing of my BP, serious flushing. It doesn't mean he will, but use caution. Viagra didn't react as bad but depends on the dosage.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Also he can have his testosterone levels checked. Very common as men age.for the levels to drop and this greatly impacts performance.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Men experience reduced sex hormone as we age, same as women. Age 50 is right in there. Look at the symptoms listed to promote male supplements; fatigue, mood swings, low libido. Sound familiar?

Get a solid foundation with a medical checkup and go from there. Too much guessing and fussing without success will tend to increase self image issues.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snowbum said:


> ....Both 50.
> 
> ....have no idea what this is like to him, I do feel bad I wasn’t able to prevent this/ overcome it.
> 
> ......Should I assume I’m the cause? Someone else?


You should congratulate you husband for saying something to you. It happens to many men as you get older. It is far better he said something than tried to fake an orgasm. (Yes, men do that also.)

Sometimes I have had leg cramps and had to stop. Sometimes the mind is just not into it or stress of work comes into one's mind. Sometimes it can be age or illness. 

You are in a committed relationship. The best thing one of you could have said to the other was. "OK, well I expect you to take a nap today or get a good nights sleep before we do this again, as I am going to really F your brains out." Get silly and joke together about it. Don't get all serious.

No it is not your fault unless you were asking him about when he is going to get around to cleaning out the garage while he was trying to make love to you. Seriously, it is not your fault.

Saying it was not your fault is not the same as saying there isn't anything you could do to help. The next time it happens, ask him if you can touch and stoke his penis or perform oral on him. He may be too freaked out, but at least you have offered. You will have shown him how much you love him and that there are options. Maybe ask if he would like you to "be on top" or some other position.

Also ask/tell him that anytime he wants you to talk dirty to him that you would be happy to. The biggest sex organ a man has is not between his legs, but is between his ears. There are lots of things a loving wife can do to sexually arouse a man. She can encourage him verbally, she can arouse him through touch (men have erogenous zones beyond their penis), through his sense of smell (sex pheromones are powerful stuff), through his sense of taste, and visually. In fact through words, you can help him visualize sexy things that may help him become aroused again or maintain his arousal. The key thing is to not make him feel it is a big deal as performance anxiety can lead to future problems. Yes that can be hard for you, if sex with him is very important to you.

If it happens on a regular basis have him see a doctor as it can be an indication of serious health problems. After it is found to be not a serious medical problem there are lots of options.

There are ED medications he can take if he needs them. His T levels might be low or he may need to get in better shape.

There are also lots of different devices that can help provide or maintain erections and with the right attitude can even become fun toys. Look into a silicon elastic C#ck Rings that can help maintain the blood pressure within an errection even after it begins to fade if he continues to have problems. There are even prescription "pumps" where you can "vacuum pump" him up and place a ring about his penis to provide and keep an erection. I am sure this is TMI, but it is not your fault and it really isn't something to blame him about. Even if this is a reoccurring problem, it is something that the two of you can deal with together.

Good luck.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snowbum said:


> I worried because we had an argument a week ago( not about sex) and wondered if it was stress or resentment. I felt like everything was resolved.


It is not you. Stop thinking like that.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Jeffsmith35 said:


> I did cardio workouts for over a year and vastly improved my vascularity (haha), but it had no effect on improvement of occasional ED. Sildenafil did the trick, but it's not as spontaneous and you have to take a healthy snort of Afrin to avoid "massive stuffy head syndrome". Daily 5mg Tadalafil works great. My cardio health is excellent, so it's not related to that. I'm just happy to have a good solution.


Also for the OP's benefit (actually her husband's benefit) male pelvic floor exercises can also help a lot of things with older men.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> If it happens on a regular basis have him see a doctor as it can be an indication of serious health problems. After it is found to be not a serious medical problem there are lots of options.
> 
> There are ED medications he can take if he needs them. His T levels might be low or he may need to get in better shape.
> 
> ...


I do not agree with using pumps, penis rings or other devices. These are for men who have untreatable physical issues. They need to take care of the cause. If it is just a matter of testosterone, that can be treated, same as women receiving HRT during and after menopause.

At age 74 and castrate I tried rings. Just once. They suck. I wanted natural erections and found that just my wife's attention worked better. I have never at any time tried Cialis or other similar meds. They have side effects, were not needed even when I had no testosterone and no libido.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Thank you, afterward we cuddled for about 10 minutes. He came out to see me off to work and told me I looked pretty and love you.


He loves you as you are. As well he should. The answer it every question isn’t to twist yourself into a porn star and start using tools and toys to “tempt” him into arousal. You certainly don’t need a penis ring or a sex swing or a vagina clamp or whatever else they’re telling you. ED is a medical condition. He’s self conscious about it and the last thing he’d want is for it to make you feel bad. Most men love their wives and want them to be happy. Your H would be furious at the terrible things these men are saying to you. This is NOT your fault and you don’t need to change a thing.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I didn’t say I’m young or thin. I’m 50 and average. I run to get in better shape. I do perform oral.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Whatever you do, do NOT make a big deal out of it. I bet your husband is embarrassed right now and feeling kinda down on himself so it's best if you handle it like it isn't a big deal. If you make a thing of it, it can just create a cycle of him having performance anxiety about losing erections that then causes him to lose erections.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I didn’t say I’m young or thin. I’m 50 and average. I run to get in better shape. I do perform oral.


You’re fine the way you are. Don’t listen to these guys. He needs understanding and support. Not for you to turn into Linda Lovelace. I think that would make him feel worse, and guilty for making you feel that way.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re fine the way you are. Don’t listen to these guys. He needs understanding and support. Not for you to turn into Linda Lovelace. I think that would make him feel worse, and guilty for making you feel that way.


Not a single person has suggested she needs to turn into a porn star, NOT ONE. If her husband is like me and many others, then she is perfect as she is. 

@Rus47 said: "*The woman has a HUGE role to play in fixing the problem or making it very much worse. So choose your words and actions wisely.* " and you inserted your own twisted thought that he means she needs to be more attractive and go full porn star. That is not even close to what he was saying. What he is talking about is that once this happens, just once, we can sense the smallest bit of disappointment or dissatisfaction in our wives regarding our "performance" and that ends it right there for us. How the wife handles and responds to this issue does play a HUGE role in fixing or making the issue worse. Contrary to popular belief most husbands don't want or need their wives to turn into a porn star.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re advising her to bend over backwards to be more attractive to him right after you said it wasn’t because she wasn’t attractive. Which is it? The woman has a “huge role in fixing the problem”? You’re laying this whole thing at her feet, certainly sounds like you believe it’s her fault. That is really cruel, she came here because she felt insecure and you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited? The issue is psychological? So it’s not a normal aging thing? It’s something that happens because of your wife.





TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re fine the way you are. Don’t listen to these guys. He needs understanding and support. Not for you to turn into Linda Lovelace.


----------



## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Nothing is more embarrassing to a man than not being able to perform for his spouse. That being said , be very careful with your words when you talk about it with him. There are things you can do to help. Being a good listener and being involved with the solution is paramount. There are many ED prescriptions that can help . If a wife shames her husband even inadvertently, it can take a terrible toll on his sychey and libido. Oh and like others have stated , desire is also a big part of it. Dressing sexy ect. Sometimes men really need that visual to get that motor running. You can actually take viagra and nothing will happen until you get excited. Visual , Thought process , getting horny and l believe that where the spouse can really help. 
Good luck !


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I didn’t say I’m young or thin. I’m 50 and average. I run to get in better shape. I do perform oral.


*None* of these have anything to do with his problem. IT ISNT YOU!! YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT!! Full STOP! 

How many men, who have actually experienced ED have to tell you this isn't about you?? This isn't him being an A$$hole. He is having the beginnings of a common problem for aging men. He will have to take the lead to solve it, which if he has a brain he will. You can make things better for him or you can make them way worse. Continuing with thinking this is all about you is a great way to make things far worse.

If you want to obsess that way, ok, you are not helping anything at all. And if you are obsessing on here you are no doubt letting those vibes off to your husband. So that puts pressure on him mentally so any physical problem he is having will become entrenched. He may begin avoiding sex with you because he is afraid the damn thing will fold up on him again. Then you can think he has someone on the side.

You have had a bunch of us old coots telling you how it actually is. But believe the women on here who haven't dealt with ED in their husbands if that is what you want to do.

I THANKFULLY have a wife who didn't make my problems into a big deal. She never was so insecure to think I wasn't attracted to her. It is all fixed for me, no problems whatsoever now, we enjoy one another 10-12 times every week. And we are in our mid seventies.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

It sounds like just an off day. It happens. 

It is VERY difficult not to take it personally, especially the first time. Still, if he assures you that he loves you and finds you attractive (as he did) then it wasn't about you. If you trust your husband, the best thing you can do is take him at his word and not worry about this. 

It will no doubt happen again. As others have said, just try to be supportive. He will know he is safe with you and won't wreck himself over this (and he wouldn't want you to wreck yourself over it either).


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

ED is a beyatch to deal with. I have it and have been taking the little blue pill (generic, $2 each) for I guess 4 or 5 years. It removes the unplanned fun, which is always nice, but it does work. He should talk with his doctor. Could be related to number of things. But you are not the cause.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Medications, alcohol, drugs, aging, anything that affects your blood flow and heart rate and all that can affect your penis.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Medications, alcohol, drugs, aging, anything that affects your blood flow and heart rate and all that can affect your penis.


no doubt. Diabetes too


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> no doubt. Diabetes too


Yes. And also fear and also adrenaline can shut things down. Stress.


But he's just at that age for this to happen some.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes. And also fear and also adrenaline can shut things down. Stress.
> 
> 
> But he's just at that age for this to happen some.


And it can be overcome with some effort from him and empathy/patience/understanding from her.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re advising her to bend over backwards to be more attractive to him right after you said it wasn’t because she wasn’t attractive. Which is it? The woman has a “huge role in fixing the problem”? You’re laying this whole thing at her feet, certainly sounds like you believe it’s her fault. That is really cruel, she came here because she felt insecure and you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited? The issue is psychological? So it’s not a normal aging thing? It’s something that happens because of your wife.


Step away from the crack pipe! He is telling her, her actions can be very supportive, or she can destroy him. To be careful of her words.

My dad had ED, diabetes/neuropathy...my mom would make comment in front of him to family friends..."Even if I wanted to have sex, he couldn't get it up!"

I wished my dad would have divorced that witch that birthed me. He died 3 yrs ago from unexpected heart attack when he was alone in hospital, mom was home. He finally got to get away from that woman. That is a very good example of what not to say.

Now she is alone, she has regrets about way she acted toward dad....well your 3 yrs late and a dollar short...don't you think mom!


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I’m feeling very self conscious at the moment so so will read but may not respond right away. I’m honestly trying to not internalize and accept husband at his word.
> 
> Both 50. Sex has been 2/3 times a week, on average. Less or more at times.
> I initiated this morning. All was going well. In the middle of a great session I said I love you. He said I love you too. Few minutes later he said “something’s wrong. I don’t know what” and stopped”. Hugged me , etc. said it wasn’t working. Could we pick it up later tonight?
> ...


Only you would know if you`re the cause or not, but somehow I doubt it. If you think it could be than maybe consider marriage counseling.
I`m in my late 60s now and at 50 I was still like a rabbit on heat. So I don`t think it`s age related but of course we all slow down as we get older, not just in the bedroom department but in general. We also don`t get fitter as we age.
This could be happening for a multitude of reasons.
Perhaps your husband is depressed about something, work pressure, family issues, needs a break from things, needs a change in environment or even a health issue that both you and him are unaware of.
2 courses of action I would recommend:
Your husband goes for a psychological analysis.
He goes for a physical check up at a hospital.
This would be my first line of action if this problem persists.
And to conclude with that is the most important, talk to him about your concerns, communicate together.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Is he on statins? I got ED when on statins. Stopped taking them and everything got back to normal. It's a well known side-effect (it's mentioned in the leaflet), although big pharma likes to downplay it.... lol


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Now she is alone, she has regrets about way she acted toward dad....well your 3 yrs late and a dollar short...don't you think mom!


Sad sad sad. Now she reaps the bitter fruit of her actions. Your Dad dying alone while she was home is just horrible.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Is he on statins? I got ED when on statins. Stopped taking them and everything got back to normal. It's a well known side-effect (it's mentioned in the leaflet), although big pharma likes to downplay it.... lol


Many commonly prescribed drugs when you check the side effects have ED as one of them. The doctors usually don't concern themselves with that as a possible problem. They figure if you are over 40, you don't need to be doing it anyway.

There are a lot of potential causes for the pysical problem, which the man needs to investigate until the problem is found and solved. It can be solved. The wife, if she really cares to help needs to avoid saying things and doing things to make matters worse. Like telling other people in the man's presence "I would love sex, but he can't get it up anyway". The psychological is much harder to solve.

The old book I mentioned had a section on a couple dealing with the problem. The author suggested a couple take PIV off of the table entirely for two weeks, to remove any performance pressure from the situation.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Many commonly prescribed drugs when you check the side effects have ED as one of them. The doctors usually don't concern themselves with that as a possible problem. *They figure if you are over 40,* *you don't need to be doing it anyway*.


What?  I experienced the side-effect first hand (lol... pun intended) and it's real. It took a whole month for the proper functionality to come back. Like my muscle and tendon pains... I assumed it was my age, but they went too. I became a cripple... couldn't get out of bed. I'm sure, some people don't experience any side effects, but a good chunk do.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> What?  I experienced the side-effect first hand (lol... pun intended) and it's real. It took a whole month for the proper functionality to come back. Like my muscle and tendon pains... I assumed it was my age, but they went too. I became a cripple... couldn't get out of bed. I'm sure, some people don't experience any side effects, but a good chunk do.


I was talking about the doctors. My doctor prescribed a problematic med and when I told him about ED as effect he was surprised I cared


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> *I was talking about the doctors.* My doctor prescribed a problematic med and when I told him about ED as effect he was surprised I cared


I know... I was surprised that the doctor said that!


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Divinely Favored said:


> Step away from the crack pipe! He is telling her, her actions can be very supportive, or she can destroy him. To be careful of her words.
> 
> My dad had ED, diabetes/neuropathy...my mom would make comment in front of him to family friends..."Even if I wanted to have sex, he couldn't get it up!"
> 
> ...


Very healthy men with good libido can suffer ED from taunting or suggestion like that. That is incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Rus47 said:


> Many commonly prescribed drugs when you check the side effects have ED as one of them. The doctors usually don't concern themselves with that as a possible problem. They figure if you are over 40, you don't need to be doing it anyway.
> 
> There are a lot of potential causes for the pysical problem, which the man needs to investigate until the problem is found and solved. It can be solved. The wife, if she really cares to help needs to avoid saying things and doing things to make matters worse. Like telling other people in the man's presence "I would love sex, but he can't get it up anyway". The psychological is much harder to solve.
> 
> The old book I mentioned had a section on a couple dealing with the problem. The author suggested a couple take PIV off of the table entirely for two weeks, to remove any performance pressure from the situation.


Doctors don't really give a damn what happens to us outside of dealing with their little medical project. The patient is just along for the ride.

Much of the treatment for prostate cancer has side effects that destroy relationships and men's self image, but the doctors don't extend themselves to explaining what will happen or providing support to deal with it.

When I told my urologist that continuing to be sexually active after cancer treatment is important to me, all I got was a roll of the eyes. I got really snarky with her over that. I began going into detail of being sexually active while castrate and making sure her scribe got every word of it.

So, no, they usually don't give a damn that meds cause loss of libido.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Very healthy men with good libido can suffer ED from taunting or suggestion like that. That is incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate.


Agreed. Horrible


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Julie's Husband said:


> Very healthy men with good libido can suffer ED from taunting or suggestion like that. That is incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate.


One of the reasons I do not think very highly of my mother, the way she treated my dad. 
It also caused me to loose a lot of respect for my dad, because he tolerated the behavior and abuse. My sister and I both wished dad would leave our mom and find a woman that would love him back, the way he loved mom.

After what she said, I thought, "if my wife said that to me, I would slap her with divorce papers so fast her head would spin."


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Divinely Favored said:


> One of the reasons I do not think very highly of my mother, the way she treated my dad.
> It also caused me to loose a lot of respect for my dad, because he tolerated the behavior and abuse. My sister and I both wished dad would leave our mom and find a woman that would love him back, the way he loved mom.
> 
> After what she said, I thought, "if my wife said that to me, I would slap her with divorce papers so fast her head would spin."


Your father was in a very sad situation, but I can understand unconditional love as well. My wife is the center of my universe and I just melt when I think of her. She has an over abundance of attitude and currently some cognitive issues from a stroke, but she would never treat me like that.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

So a update. We’ve had many successful encounters since my post-3-4 a week which is our happy place.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Julie's Husband said:


> Your father was in a very sad situation, but I can understand unconditional love as well. My wife is the center of my universe and I just melt when I think of her. She has an over abundance of attitude and currently some cognitive issues from a stroke, but she would never treat me like that.


Yes, he loved her(can't for the life of me understand why) but he did not like being around her. When he was around her he was more quiet and reserved. Away from her, he was a social butterfly. He was the guy that knew everyone and would make his way around a room, speaking to everyone. My sister and wife say that I am very much like him, in that I can talk to anyone like I have known them for years and that I love so totally my wife. However I will not put up with abuse like my dad did.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> So a update. We’ve had many successful encounters since my post-3-4 a week which is our happy place.


Great! I had the issue a couple of times, when it starts I would get in my head and panic that I was loosing erection or could not get one. The freaking out would cause a snowball effect. It would kill me that My wife would think it was her looks or something. Had absolutely nothing to do with her. My wife would ask what is bothering me, what am I worried about, I lover her so much, she can read my mind, I swear. We would talk about it an in 10 min I am ready to go again. Once had taken hydroxichloriquin and ED is side effect. I quit that real quick. It is crushing when the heart is very willing but nothing works.


----------



## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

snowbum said:


> I’m feeling very self conscious at the moment so so will read but may not respond right away. I’m honestly trying to not internalize and accept husband at his word.
> 
> Both 50. Sex has been 2/3 times a week, on average. Less or more at times.
> I initiated this morning. All was going well. In the middle of a great session I said I love you. He said I love you too. Few minutes later he said “something’s wrong. I don’t know what” and stopped”. Hugged me , etc. said it wasn’t working. Could we pick it up later tonight?
> ...


If he suffers from ED that would make sense. No man likes to lose the power but it happens. I have ED because of old age but still keep very fit. I was trying to keep up with the intercourse but it the end it was not enjoyable. I just could not get an erection doing it and felt pressurised. We talked about it and tried Viagra which worked but somehow it was false and chemically induced and DW said she didn't want me using it. We still have sex but more manual/spanking etc. My wife does climax nearly every time. For me the pressure has been lifted and I do get a kind of erection because of the enjoyment. I am finding there are lots of things that have opened up . I write sexy stories and draw pictures for her but always in the context of a man and wife. These are binned straight away after reading. We use a camera sometimes. The ED seems to be forgotten about now but i know I have to be sensitive to her needs in whatever we do. I know some use oral as a substitute but she is not comfortable with that.


----------



## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re advising her to bend over backwards to be more attractive to him right after you said it wasn’t because she wasn’t attractive. Which is it? The woman has a “huge role in fixing the problem”? You’re laying this whole thing at her feet, certainly sounds like you believe it’s her fault. That is really cruel, she came here because she felt insecure and you’re telling her she needs to figure out to be enough for him to get excited? The issue is psychological? So it’s not a normal aging thing? It’s something that happens because of your wife.


How she takes it and deals with it is very important. I believe that is the nub of what is being said. Without her co=operation there is no way forward.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Is he on statins? I got ED when on statins. Stopped taking them and everything got back to normal. It's a well known side-effect (it's mentioned in the leaflet), although big pharma likes to downplay it.... lol


Same with hydroxichloriquin a med that is used for inflammation and lupus. It is a side effect of that med. I don't mean ED, but DD(dead d**k) dysfunction my ass. Yeah pharmacy can keep that crap.


----------



## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

I have been on t replacement (changing from injections to pills) and my doctor prescribed cialis. I take a cialis about an hour before whoopee, and it seems to work well.

My ED issue is multifaceted - from effects of cancer treatments, low T and taking hyper-tension medications. The cancer is gone, low T is being addressed and I am working on diet & exercise to address weight and blood pressure.

One thing my doctor revealed to me, that I did not know was the being overweight in men can impact sexuality. It reduces testosterone and increases estrogen, thus lowering libido and effecting performance.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

BootsAndJeans said:


> I have been on t replacement (changing from injections to pills) and my doctor prescribed cialis. I take a cialis about an hour before whoopee, and it seems to work well.
> 
> My ED issue is multifaceted - from effects of cancer treatments, low T and taking hyper-tension medications. The cancer is gone, low T is being addressed and I am working on diet & exercise to address weight and blood pressure.
> 
> One thing my doctor revealed to me, that I did not know was the being overweight in men can impact sexuality. It reduces testosterone and increases estrogen, thus lowering libido and effecting performance.


Interesting as i know some fat horny guys. Like me before dropping 30. Still raring to go!


----------



## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Interesting as i know some fat horny guys. Like me before dropping 30. Still raring to go!


No two people are alike. Age plus weight will have an effect.


----------

