# After almost 12 years of marriage and 3 years of fence sitting...



## gopherstatedad (Jun 20, 2012)

...I finally pulled the trigger.

My STBX and I have been married almost 12 years and it's been torture for me to decide whether or not to end the marriage. We have two children (d6,d6). Our marriage weathered the death of two parents (my mother 11 years ago, her father recently), infertility issues (our kids are IVF), trust issues (her EA), respect issues (we both had to learn to fight fair), and financial issues.

I have gone through IC, and we have gone through, MC on and off for 3 years with little progress. I thought about divorce 3 years ago but couldn't make that decision. I felt too guilty. I didn't want to repeat my father's pattern. My parents divorced when I was too young to remember.

I told her a week ago. She is dealing well overall. She wanted to continue to save the marriage. I can't see the point any longer. I am past reconciliation. We meet with a collaborative attorney this week. 

We both still live in the house and neither of us has any intention of leaving without a temporary parenting plan in place. We are discussing the possibility of bird-nesting and possibly living under temporary orders until she can find full time work and gain access to health care outside of mine. She is working on a Ph.D and would value being able to continue pursuing that as quickly as possible. We'll see how it goes. Wish us luck.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

So..._why _are you getting a divorce?


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## Rasbuten66 (Jun 29, 2012)

gopherstatedad said:


> ...I finally pulled the trigger.
> 
> My STBX and I have been married almost 12 years and it's been torture for me to decide whether or not to end the marriage. We have two children (d6,d6). Our marriage weathered the death of two parents (my mother 11 years ago, her father recently), infertility issues (our kids are IVF), trust issues (her EA), respect issues (we both had to learn to fight fair), and financial issues.
> 
> ...


Wow, your situation seems so similar to mine, with the exception we never kids. My ex had an EA 3 years ago, and things were not good prior to that, but we didn't talk about anything of importance, juste general stuff. We separated the end of May and this Aug would have been 13th anniv. When it seemed there was no where to go we agreed that it would be best to split up, but to both live in the house until it sold. Neither of us could afford the mortgage on our own and we didn't want to have financial difficulties. In hindsight I feel we would have been better off separating before selling, that these past 7 weeks apart were what we both needed. We have gone out a few times, not sure if we're dating or just getting closure because we have both said things that should have been said long ago. I am no sure what the future holds for me and him, I know I need to stop asking "what are we doing" yet every so often I ask. My final words to him after my asking that question was to request his honesty and if he feels he can't be totally and completely honest with the about everything and not keep secrets then he should tell me. I'm meeting him for lunch at work tomorrow (we work in the same town in the buildings next to one another) and he offered to make my lunch. 

Good luck with your situation!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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