# marriage advice i am new here



## Housewifemom (Apr 22, 2011)

Hi everyone well I have no where else to turn so here I am  I am married to my old high school sweetie, we reunited two years ago and now married I have one son from a previous marriage that ended due to infidelity on his end. I am here for advice because I have turned in to that nagging wife unfortunately, My husband has no sex drive anymore and he refuses to communicate with me which leaves me frustrated and angry. My mother in law has complicated our marriage a lot which put tons of stress on both of us because she is going through the change of life and is upset that her son is now married and she is depressed, in return to all the stress my husband will take off start drinking on weekends will refuse to pick up my phone calls and return sometime after bar hours; This leaves me worried thinking he is out straying around, he comes home every night after work I try to find polite ways to talk about issues but he gives me the cold shoulder and says im nagging and this is why we dont have sex, so i tried letters and he refuses to read them. At this point I have no idea how to communicate, I wonder if maybe I think everything over to much and I need to get my own life. My goal is to rekindle our Love for one another, start having fun TOGETHER  and making a friendship; It has been a battle for the past nine months and he refuses to go to therapy with me. Right now his friends are priority in his life and I am the enemy; I admit I have issues with being insecure due to my past; but every time I turn around he is doing something sneaky like checking out ex's profiles ect...His friends dont really like me because I am not a drinker so i am taking away there drinking buddy, before my husband could care less but the more the stress piles on that is his escape. Once we start getting on track everything runs smooth he sneaks away again and starts the cycle all over again. I am just clueless and have no ideas anymore! Any advice? I want my marriage to work I just need a little help.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

I hate to say this, but if you try and try to get him to communicate, ask him to go to counseling, etc. and he won't budge, you may have to give him an ultimatum. You may need to mention separation or divorce, OR actually leave him. This may "Jar him into reality" and illicit some sort of response knowing how serious this is to you, and that what he is doing is wrong, and counterproductive to a good marriage. Also, this is going to hurt, but have you considered that he may be having an affair/affairs...You did mentioned you wonder if he is "Straying around?" If he is, he may not want or "need" sex with you. My H was rejecting me sexually partly because we had a very difficult marriage, but mostly because he was involved with other women both physically and emotionally. That was a very hard one to swallow, but it is what it is. We are separated and I am getting stronger everyday. I wish you luck getting him to "open up," or perhaps get some help. If you DO decide to move out, file for divorce, etc., I wish you luck with that as well


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## Housewifemom (Apr 22, 2011)

Thank you for your advice  I do not think he is directly cheating but I fear it could happen due to he puts himself in situations that could end up in infidelity; If he is cheating he is really really good at being sneaky I did bring up divorce and he said " what ever you want to do its your choice" I just really hate to give up but I realize if something dose not change I can not live this way.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It honestly doesn't sound like much of a marriage. You and your husband sound young--and your husband sounds extremely immature. Was he even ready for marriage? Was he ever emotionally in this marriage?

Don't rule out him cheating. As a person who lived with a cheater, I see red flags in your original post. He sounds as though he has already disconnected from you.

Are you going to individual counseling currently. That's a good place for you to start. Reading marriage/self-help books may benefit you at this point also.

Hope you find happiness.


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## Housewifemom (Apr 22, 2011)

Thank you for replying to my post! My husband is in his mid thirtys and am almost there. I realize now he may not be ready for marriage; He is the quite type and a very hard egg to crack that is for sure. I am not ruling out the possibility of an affair at this point, the only reason I think he is not cheating is because he comes home after work on weekdays then occupies his time here working around the house, he is not sneaky about his phone what so ever, He is open about his email ect... I just get worried that if he is out intoxicated he may let other things influence, and im sure at this point it is headed in that direction quickly. He is a quite man in all of his relationships even his family, and when I talk he just watches tv and pays no attention. What am I saying?? I figured maybe it was me causing all this, I thought maybe me talking to much is turning him away or maybe because i am insecure at time. I dont know anymore. I do need therapy at this point, I am starting to feel depressed and I need a life. I just thought maybe there was something I could do to help him. But if he is not willing the awnser is right in front of my face!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I was thinking you were both in your early 20s from the original post. Nonetheless, your husband sounds immature. Are his drinking buddies other guys or a combination of guys/girls?


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## Housewifemom (Apr 22, 2011)

Oh maybe it did come across that way, we use to be high school sweethearts more then a decade or so ago then we reunited about two years ago. No his drinking buddies are all guys sometimes they bring there wifes but not often; we live in a pretty remote small town out in the country where news travels so fast if he was to do something I am not positive but I am pretty sure it would get back to me somehow. On a better note I did find a local therapist not to local because news travels fast in this small town but they seem really great they are christian based and if anything I could use a little or a lot of guidence. When we were together he was aware I was not a big drinker ect ect he was not either it just all started happening as soon as family stress started in our lives and now I am frustrated as ever and have no one to talk to really except close friends but they dont always offer the best advice and I prefer to keep it more private. He says his only issue with me is that I nag nag nag, but he thinkings talking about an issue is nagging then the pattern begins I am angry then he takes the keys and runs. Ha I am not perfect but a little communication and understanding would be nice. I think you hit it on the spot before when you said he is emotionaly detached. You never know though he could be a sneaky cheat and if he is he will take it to his grave. Thanks for your support I have never joined a group before so this is all new to me


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## Housewifemom (Apr 22, 2011)

he says he is not sexually in to me because I nag! I can understand that but its everything else too and he thinks we have nothing to talk about and his actions are ok and I should have nothing to complain about. Do men communicate? Is this Normal for men to do? This is a crazy cycle we keep going through the pattern does not change. Do you think maybe if I stop talking about issues for a while and just let things slide maybe he will change? I dont know Im just confused and writing feels good right now. Over all he is a good man he works really hard, provides he is kind but if we have to talk about any problem that is a BIG problem :? I know i am just repeating my self sorry guys lol


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

How is it, that you are being hit with all this negativity after you married---what happened prior to you marrying your H.

Did he treat you then, as he does now---how much really serious time did the two you spend together, or did you just go and get married---I would think you would have test driven the model in all possible ways


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