# Singles of TAM 2022 Edition



## Livvie

Happy 2022 singles (and coupled or married visitors to this thread)!!


----------



## Livvie

I've not yet started online dating, but I think I will later this year. 

I'm braced for all of the potential weird stuff I might experience.

I'm still a little weirded out by a recent experience. 

I was waiting at a vehicle place recently and was talking with a man while we both waited, who seemed nice. He asked me to go get coffee with him, but I didn't because I had plans right after my vehicle was ready. We exchanged numbers though and he started texting me. 

It quickly got strange because he said he is in love with me. He is from a European country but identifies with yet another culture and English is not his first language, but still. Lots of declarations of love etc. Lots of very intense words and sentiments.

It made me feel very uncomfortable!

He was the first potential date I met organically since the pandemic began but unfortunately this one is a no go for me.


----------



## joannacroc

Livvie said:


> I've not yet started online dating, but I think I will later this year.
> 
> I'm braced for all of the potential weird stuff I might experience.
> 
> I'm still a little weirded out by a recent experience.
> 
> I was waiting at a vehicle place recently and was talking with a man while we both waited, who seemed nice. He asked me to go get coffee with him, but I didn't because I had plans right after my vehicle was ready. We exchanged numbers though and he started texting me.
> 
> It quickly got strange because he said he is in love with me. He is from a European country but identifies with yet another culture and English is not his first language, but still. Lots of declarations of love etc. Lots of very intense words and sentiments.
> 
> It made me feel very uncomfortable!
> 
> He was the first potential date I met organically since the pandemic began but unfortunately this one is a no go for me.


Yeah, he sounds weird. Beware the love bombing - it's a popular tactic. And creepy as f*^*. Not to be a cynic but does he have a greencard?


----------



## minimalME

Livvie said:


> ...he said he is in love with me.


This is so manipulative to me. 😒


----------



## Livvie

minimalME said:


> This is so manipulative to me. 😒


My best friend said the same thing, that in his culture it is a way to manipulate and control.


----------



## joannacroc

Started chatting with a few folks online and potentially lining up a couple of first dates. One of them I SWEAR I know him from somewhere but he didn't go to my school or work at the same place. It's gonna be creepy if I am like "do I know you from somewhere" and I don't want to look like a stalker so we'll just see if it comes up organically. I think we're gonna get coffee this weekend. 

The other, weird guy I texted just because we had made dinner plans for first date before he let me know he expected sex after. I texted to let him know I thought we were looking for different things but wishing him luck. He didn't respond. People lack courtesy. Has anyone noticed that?


----------



## Livvie

joannacroc said:


> Yeah, he sounds weird. Beware the love bombing - it's a popular tactic. And creepy as f*^*. Not to be a cynic but does he have a greencard?


I dislike this tactic! What do men hope to gain by it, sex? It's an immediate turn off to me. 

I don't think he has a green card. He does probably make twice as much as I do, though, with his employment here.


----------



## GaLaxya

joannacroc said:


> Yeah, he sounds weird. Beware the love bombing - it's a popular tactic. And creepy as f*^*. Not to be a cynic but does he have a greencard?


He is from Europe not from Mexico...
Dear Americans, we in Europe have equal high living standards then you guys...
Europe is one of the safest places to live in the World.

We don't travel to America seeking to marry any of you guys to be permitted to live in your country. 

America isn't a better place for us to live and we don't upgrade. Even worse partially. Those who are do migrate to America do it because they like the culture or because of job oportunities, not because they are desperate...

If he was from a poor European country he would have gone to a wealthier European Country and not wasting his money to travel all the way to America. 

You should come to Europe. We have clean water and electricity. You aren't the only one in the world...

Off topic off...


----------



## Livvie

GaLaxya said:


> He is from Europe not from Mexico...
> Dear Americans, we in Europe have equal high living standards then you guys...
> Europe is one of the safest places to live in the World.
> 
> We don't travel to America seeking to marry any of you guys to be permitted to live in your country.
> 
> America isn't a better place for us to live and we don't upgrade. Even worse partially. Those who are do migrate to America do it because they like the culture or because of job oportunities, not because they are desperate...
> 
> If he was from a poor European country it he would have gone to a wealthier European Country and not wasting his money to travel all the way to America.
> 
> You should come to Europe. We have clean water and electricity. You aren't the only one in the world...


Wow! Such a response to someone's comment. 

Well this man sent his 2 children here from his great European country for college and they both stayed, didn't go back, and live here now because they like it, so there's that.


----------



## Numb26

Livvie said:


> Wow! Such a response to someone's comment.
> 
> Well this man sent his 2 children here from his great European country for college and they both stayed, didn't go back, and live here now because they like it, so there's that.


Funny how purposely blind the poster is to what is going on in Europe especially considering they are from the UK.


----------



## SunCMars

Everyone wants something from those they wish to get close to.

This is normal and should be expected.

Determine what they want and what you want and see if these are workable/compatible.

Naturally, most people overstate their positive qualities, and understate, or hide their negatives.

Men are more likely to be players, hence, ladies need to be cautious, so as not to be harmed, or abused.
Nothing new here!

(Yes, ladies can be selfish users, too.)

Always question why a man is not married after, say, 45 or 50 years old. 

There could be good reasons or bad ones, but reasons will make themselves known.

...........................................................................................
Here it comes....


I am superstitious, oh, am I ! 

I think some people bring or draw bad luck to themselves.

For example, a guy or gal who has experienced two or three tragedies.

His/her SO's prematurely dying from natural causes, even violent causes.
It need not even be death, it could be ill health, financial ruin, etc..

No, not directly attributed to them in any way, except by association.

Call it, _Tragedy by Association_, simply, your being near this person, brings you his/hers, now your bad Fate.

..............................................................

Good Luck with your hunt. 




_King Brian-_


----------



## SunCMars

GaLaxya said:


> He is from Europe not from Mexico...


Careful!

This is a cruel, blanket statement.

I am sure this is very offensive to native Mexicans, and those of Mexican, or Central American heritage.
Good and bad people live everywhere.


_Lilith-_


----------



## Livvie

SunCMars said:


> Everyone wants something from those they wish to get close to.
> 
> This is normal and should be expected.
> 
> Determine what they want and what you want and see if these are workable/compatible.
> 
> Naturally, most people overstate their positive qualities, and understate, or hide their negatives.
> 
> Men are more likely to be players, hence, ladies need to be cautious, so as not to be harmed, or abused.
> Nothing new here!
> 
> (Yes, ladies can be selfish users, too.)
> 
> Always question why a man is not married after, say, 45 or 50 years old.
> 
> There could be good reasons or bad ones, but reasons will make themselves known.
> 
> ...........................................................................................
> Here it comes....
> 
> 
> I am superstitious, oh, am I !
> 
> I think some people bring or draw bad luck to themselves.
> 
> For example, a guy or gal who has experienced two or three tragedies.
> 
> His/her SO's prematurely dying from natural causes, even violent causes.
> It need not even be death, it could be ill health, financial ruin, etc..
> 
> No, not directly attributed to them in any way, except by association.
> 
> Call it, _Tragedy by Association_, simply, your being near this person, brings you his/hers, now your bad Fate.
> 
> ..............................................................
> 
> Good Luck with your hunt.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _King Brian-_


Uhhh. You know lots of people are single in their 40s or 50s because they are divorced, right?


----------



## In Absentia

You need to tell us your weird man's culture, though... otherwise, we are guessing. Don't be too politically correct...


----------



## Benbutton

Livvie said:


> It quickly got strange because he said he is in love with me. He is from a European country but identifies with yet another culture and English is not his first language, but still. Lots of declarations of love etc. Lots of very intense words and sentiments.


Cripe, what a weirdo!! I would have asked for a bikini pic first.


----------



## minimalME

Benbutton said:


> Cripe, what a weirdo!! I would have asked for a bikini pic first.


Well that's tame. Most would've expected nudes or sex and would've set you on your merry way if you dared to refuse.


----------



## Benbutton

minimalME said:


> Well that's tame. Most would've expected nudes or sex and would've set you on your merry way if you dared to refuse.


Lol, I guess I'm an old school creep.


----------



## joannacroc

GaLaxya said:


> He is from Europe not from Mexico...
> Dear Americans, we in Europe have equal high living standards then you guys...
> Europe is one of the safest places to live in the World.
> 
> We don't travel to America seeking to marry any of you guys to be permitted to live in your country.
> 
> America isn't a better place for us to live and we don't upgrade. Even worse partially. Those who are do migrate to America do it because they like the culture or because of job oportunities, not because they are desperate...
> 
> If he was from a poor European country he would have gone to a wealthier European Country and not wasting his money to travel all the way to America.
> 
> You should come to Europe. We have clean water and electricity. You aren't the only one in the world...
> 
> Off topic off...


Dude, calm down. I'm originally from Europe. I have had people make those assumptions about me too. But I have had an American friend who had someone date them just to try and get a greencard. It is a thing that exists and when someone says I love you before they have even been out for coffee, the cynical, analytical side of my brain starts wondering what they're after from this lady. 

Also, your comment is kind of offensive to Mexican people. Perhaps you should go visit Mexico since you're into snap judgements about peoples' countries. It's beautiful, the people are awesome. Maybe you'd like it.


----------



## SunCMars

Livvie said:


> Uhhh. You know lots of people are single in their 40s or 50s because they are divorced, right?


Uhhh, yeah, but find out why.

Some are abusive, some are duds.

Some are gems and should be snatched up immediately. 

Every dating man and woman needs to be somewhat of a jeweler. 

A jeweler that can recognize obvious flaws, and those cloudy auras seen in a prospective partners eyes.

A good meat thermometer helps, also.



_Lilith-_


----------



## TXTrini

Livvie said:


> I've not yet started online dating, but I think I will later this year.
> 
> I'm braced for all of the potential weird stuff I might experience.
> 
> I'm still a little weirded out by a recent experience.
> 
> I was waiting at a vehicle place recently and was talking with a man while we both waited, who seemed nice. He asked me to go get coffee with him, but I didn't because I had plans right after my vehicle was ready. We exchanged numbers though and he started texting me.
> 
> It quickly got strange because he said he is in love with me. He is from a European country but identifies with yet another culture and English is not his first language, but still. Lots of declarations of love etc. Lots of very intense words and sentiments.
> 
> It made me feel very uncomfortable!
> 
> He was the first potential date I met organically since the pandemic began but unfortunately this one is a no go for me.


Which European country was he from, and which culture did he identify with? I'm super curious! 

The very brief encounters I've had with European men over the years kinda creeped me out, the love-bombing can b way over the top for sure!


----------



## minimalME

SunCMars said:


> A jeweler that can recognize obvious flaws, and those cloudy auras seen in a prospective partners eyes.


This takes time, and people seem unwilling to invest that now. Wanting it all immediately is immature nonsense.

Folks are relationship hopping in the extreme, because no one is good enough, instead of fixing themselves first. 'Red flags' don't start with the other person.


----------



## TXTrini

GaLaxya said:


> He is from Europe not from Mexico...
> Dear Americans, we in Europe have equal high living standards then you guys...
> Europe is one of the safest places to live in the World.
> 
> We don't travel to America seeking to marry any of you guys to be permitted to live in your country.
> 
> America isn't a better place for us to live and we don't upgrade. Even worse partially. Those who are do migrate to America do it because they like the culture or because of job oportunities, not because they are desperate...
> 
> If he was from a poor European country he would have gone to a wealthier European Country and not wasting his money to travel all the way to America.
> 
> You should come to Europe. We have clean water and electricity. You aren't the only one in the world...
> 
> Off topic off...


Whoa horsey!

Mighty bitter this early in the New Year! Hope you're not single and looking to mingle.

Been to several countries in Europe, I'll pass on your offer, thanks.


----------



## Affaircare

First: YAY 2022 thread!!










Second: I do not care what country the person is from (nor the person's gender or orientation). I do not care if it's a first world or third world country--what makes a person admirable is their heart. What I do care about is barely knowing someone and saying "I love you" so quickly. See, I understand that love is an action and not a "feeling" so I could give the benefit of the doubt and think the person is saying aloud that they intend to act in a loving way. But even that seems so premature because they don't really know you AT ALL. So don't care what country or culture, it would just be a big ol' "NO" in my book.


----------



## Livvie

TXTrini said:


> Which European country was he from, and which culture did he identify with? I'm super curious!
> 
> The very brief encounters I've had with European men over the years kinda creeped me out, the love-bombing can b way over the top for sure!


I'll PM you!


----------



## Livvie

Affaircare said:


> First: YAY 2022 thread!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Second: I do not care what country the person is from (nor the person's gender or orientation). I do not care if it's a first world or third world country--what makes a person admirable is their heart. What I do care about is barely knowing someone and saying "I love you" so quickly. See, I understand that love is an action and not a "feeling" so I could give the benefit of the doubt and think the person is saying aloud that they intend to act in a loving way. But even that seems so premature because they don't really know you AT ALL. So don't care what country or culture, it would just be a big ol' "NO" in my book.


I agree! It was a turn off and actually cheapens the value of someone's great qualities. Because it is someone's personality that should make them lovable and if you say you love them before those qualities are even known, then what value are they?

If you know what I'm trying to say...


----------



## SunCMars

Sometimes one's best qualities are up for grabs, literally!

Many dating ladies, I'm sure will attest this. 

Shallow men are more interested in that low hanging fruit!

Mine are not low-hanging yet!


Lilith-


----------



## TXTrini

SunCMars said:


> Sometimes one's best qualities are up for grabs, literally!
> 
> Many dating ladies, I'm sure will attest this.
> 
> Shallow men are more interested in that low hanging fruit!
> 
> *Mine are not low-hanging yet!*
> 
> 
> Lilith-


----------



## SunCMars

Humor is the best medicine for those in a humorless society.

Germany comes to mind....sorry!

Never get close to someone (date) who does not have a sense of humor.

Or, someone who takes humor as criticism.

I admit, it is a fine line to string.... taut, or after thinking yourself taught.


Then again, someone who finds everything funny, can be that lame bore.

A balance is needed, between seriousness and humor.

Aye!



_King Brian-_


----------



## pastasauce79

SunCMars said:


> Careful!
> 
> This is a cruel, blanket statement.
> 
> I am sure this is very offensive to native Mexicans, and those of Mexican, or Central American heritage.
> Good and bad people live everywhere.
> 
> 
> _Lilith-_


I am from a poor South American country but I didn't grow up poor. I had a big house, clean running water, electricity, and even a maid. Every country has rich people and poor people. 

Anyway, I would make sure the guy is not after a green card. Working visas expire and many don't want to go back to their countries for many reasons. 

Love bombing at the very beginning is very suspicious to me.


----------



## Evinrude58

Livvie said:


> I've not yet started online dating, but I think I will later this year.
> 
> I'm braced for all of the potential weird stuff I might experience.
> 
> I'm still a little weirded out by a recent experience.
> 
> I was waiting at a vehicle place recently and was talking with a man while we both waited, who seemed nice. He asked me to go get coffee with him, but I didn't because I had plans right after my vehicle was ready. We exchanged numbers though and he started texting me.
> 
> It quickly got strange because he said he is in love with me. He is from a European country but identifies with yet another culture and English is not his first language, but still. Lots of declarations of love etc. Lots of very intense words and sentiments.
> 
> It made me feel very uncomfortable!
> 
> He was the first potential date I met organically since the pandemic began but unfortunately this one is a no go for me.


Damn Livvie,
You’re irresistible! Slack off the charisma a little.


----------



## SunCMars

minimalME said:


> This takes time, and people seem unwilling to invest that now. Wanting it all immediately is immature nonsense.
> 
> Folks are relationship hopping in the extreme, because no one is good enough, instead of fixing themselves first. 'Red flags' don't start with the other person.


Sigh, you may be correct. 

Once burned, and all that.

Plus, once a captive body is free, those formerly unseen and painful chain marks are now noted, and slowly rubbed away.

But, gods, they are never forgotten.

All that dragging, clinking and clanking of those chains, and for what?

I know not...what.

That new freedom is exhilarating!

Yes, they fear the repeat situation, and they fear the commitment.

They live only for those _new love_ feelings, and leave when they peter out.



_Lilith-_


----------



## SunCMars

Who can blame the long, penned-up dog when he is freed?

Free to run wild, free to sniff whatever he wishes, free to piss on every bush.

Aye!

I am no wild doggy, I am held captive by my own, long cold, oath, and my stubborn inaction.


_Our fate is never solely ours to partake. It is ever that shared endeavor.



Are Dee- _from his notes.


----------



## SunCMars




----------



## LisaDiane

minimalME said:


> This is so manipulative to me. 😒


Haha!!!!!! I love the shoveling emoji!!!!!!!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

GaLaxya said:


> He is from Europe not from Mexico...
> Dear Americans, we in Europe have equal high living standards then you guys...
> Europe is one of the safest places to live in the World.
> 
> We don't travel to America seeking to marry any of you guys to be permitted to live in your country.
> 
> America isn't a better place for us to live and we don't upgrade. Even worse partially. Those who are do migrate to America do it because they like the culture or because of job oportunities, not because they are desperate...
> 
> If he was from a poor European country he would have gone to a wealthier European Country and not wasting his money to travel all the way to America.
> 
> You should come to Europe. We have clean water and electricity. You aren't the only one in the world...
> 
> Off topic off...


Umm...according to your flag, YOU are not in Europe either.

SOME people are manipulating users...country-of-origin doesn't matter.


----------



## RandomDude

Where I live there is tons of opportunities to date people from all over the world, but I do wonder about the cultural compatibilities.

The further apart the culture the more difficult it is to connect, like there's banter misses, flat jokes, etc etc, sure that happens when dating locally too but its much more pronounced, and sometimes you just know it's not because they don't have humour or anything but they just don't 'get it'. It is interesting for short term.

But long term, culture is very important. Their level of assimilation and integration plays a part too. I prefer mid-tier assimilated folks, true blues annoy me, and too foreign folks don't bother to speak English lol.


----------



## jlg07

SunCMars said:


> Sometimes one's best qualities are up for grabs, literally!
> 
> Many dating ladies, I'm sure will attest this.
> 
> Shallow men are more interested in that low hanging fruit!
> 
> Mine are not low-hanging yet!
> 
> 
> Lilith-


Sort of a "swing low, sweet chariot", eh? Well gravity works on us all.....


----------



## ccpowerslave

Livvie you are way too squared away to play into someone like that; good call!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Well, after a year and a half, I’m single again.


----------



## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> Well, after a year and a half, I’m single again.


Oh no. It sounded like things were going so well every time your mentioned the relationship!


----------



## lifeistooshort

Livvie said:


> I agree! It was a turn off and actually cheapens the value of someone's great qualities. Because it is someone's personality that should make them lovable and if you say you love them before those qualities are even known, then what value are they?
> 
> If you know what I'm trying to say...


I thought my bf was cute when we met but that was it. I never entertained romantic thoughts until I ended up riding bikes with him in our club a lot and had a chance to chat with him. He grew on me as I got to know him. Three years later I still think he's adorable but I really enjoy him as a person.


----------



## ConanHub

joannacroc said:


> Started chatting with a few folks online and potentially lining up a couple of first dates. One of them I SWEAR I know him from somewhere but he didn't go to my school or work at the same place. It's gonna be creepy if I am like "do I know you from somewhere" and I don't want to look like a stalker so we'll just see if it comes up organically. I think we're gonna get coffee this weekend.
> 
> The other, weird guy I texted just because we had made dinner plans for first date before he let me know he expected sex after. I texted to let him know I thought we were looking for different things but wishing him luck. He didn't respond. People lack courtesy. Has anyone noticed that?


So you agree to a first date to go to dinner with a guy and he tells you he expects sex afterward?

I really do believe it's a good thing that a good percentage of men never reproduce....


----------



## joannacroc

ConanHub said:


> So you agree to a first date to go to dinner with a guy and he tells you he expects sex afterward?
> 
> I really do believe it's a good thing that a good percentage of men never reproduce....


This is true. For some people, their character is their very own birth control. Or for me I guess, standards are. Chatted over zoom with a guy who seemed intelligent if a bit asexual. We shall see about possibly meeting up in a few weeks time. It's hard to glean anything from chatting for a half an hour with a new human being. The more I think about it, the less appealing relationships seem. I wonder how many people get into them just to avoid this level of BS.


----------



## ConanHub

joannacroc said:


> This is true. For some people, their character is their very own birth control. Or for me I guess, standards are. Chatted over zoom with a guy who seemed intelligent if a bit asexual. We shall see about possibly meeting up in a few weeks time. It's hard to glean anything from chatting for a half an hour with a new human being. The more I think about it, the less appealing relationships seem. I wonder how many people get into them just to avoid this level of BS.


I'm continually relieved that I'm with my Mrs. 

The dating scene sounds very unattractive now.

I meet a lot of nice women in my travels that make it seem like dating wouldn't be too scary if I had to but who knows.

Seems like a very high percentage of folks are really damaged out there.


----------



## ccpowerslave

ConanHub said:


> I meet a lot of nice women in my travels that make it seem like dating wouldn't be too scary if I had to but who knows.


This is much easier because it is organic and it is much easier to be polite and such. 

If the first sentence of the person’s mouth you don’t like, it’s not a date or a meeting and there is no pressure to continue past that.

Small tiny cues that wouldn’t be on a video are there IRL that make it much easier to sort people.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Livvie said:


> Oh no. It sounded like things were going so well every time your mentioned the relationship!


Yeah, things changed for the worse when I moved into my new house. Strange, because I’m now 10 minutes away from her instead of 40 minutes. Typical stuff, I got busy with the house, she claims I’m not emotionally there for her, no sex, etc, etc. She had her 50 birthday early in December. Little did I know this was going to be a two week event. After dinner with just us one night, then out with friends dancing another night, the third night of this dreaded, attention seeking birthday was a big dinner with about 20 friends at a restaurant. After 4 hours, I left with my brother and SIL (they drove as I was still living with them) to go check out my new house as they never saw it. The next day I got ass whipped for “leaving her at her birthday dinner”. That was the nail in the coffin for me. It’s a shame because my kids liked her and her kids. Oh well, another one bites the dust.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Yeah, things changed for the worse when I moved into my new house. Strange, because I’m now 10 minutes away from her instead of 40 minutes. Typical stuff, I got busy with the house, she claims I’m not emotionally there for her, no sex, etc, etc. She had her 50 birthday early in December. Little did I know this was going to be a two week event. After dinner with just us one night, then out with friends dancing another night, the third night of this dreaded, attention seeking birthday was a big dinner with about 20 friends at a restaurant. After 4 hours, I left with my brother and SIL (they drove as I was still living with them) to go check out my new house as they never saw it. The next day I got ass whipped for “leaving her at her birthday dinner”. That was the nail in the coffin for me. It’s a shame because my kids liked her and her kids. Oh well, another one bites the dust.


Oh NO!!!!!!!
That's what I was just thinking, she said things would be BETTER after you moved closer!!!

You've had some other red flags along the way, I think, but sometimes people change and the relationship doesn't work after those changes. What you needed and expected before didn't match what you need and expect now. 

Did you break things off with her, or was it mutual?

I'm sorry!


----------



## drencrom

Livvie said:


> Happy 2022 singles (and coupled or married visitors to this thread)!!


And to you too!!


----------



## 2&out

Something in the air rebuilding... I'm about to end my latest. "We need to spend more time together... I don't feel like I'm a priority, we don't talk as much as I'd like, how come you don't always ask or include me when you go out/do something ? ". Well now your becoming work, and a drag. And I'm a lazy selfish guy who isn't willing to plan or run his life around or for someone else. Used to look forward to seeing, hanging, sleeping with. Now it's gotten _heavy_ and not so much. Searching for a decent way to do, say, but needs done in the next few days / soon.


----------



## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> Yeah, things changed for the worse when I moved into my new house. Strange, because I’m now 10 minutes away from her instead of 40 minutes. Typical stuff, I got busy with the house, she claims I’m not emotionally there for her, no sex, etc, etc. She had her 50 birthday early in December. Little did I know this was going to be a two week event. After dinner with just us one night, then out with friends dancing another night, the third night of this dreaded, attention seeking birthday was a big dinner with about 20 friends at a restaurant. After 4 hours, I left with my brother and SIL (they drove as I was still living with them) to go check out my new house as they never saw it. The next day I got ass whipped for “leaving her at her birthday dinner”. That was the nail in the coffin for me. It’s a shame because my kids liked her and her kids. Oh well, another one bites the dust.


Sorry to hear that. 

It's good that this aspect of her personality showed up now, though, before a lot more years together. Some people would have been re married again at this point in, so also you are lucky in that you didn't marry her! You are not stuck with her and can move on easily.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> Oh NO!!!!!!!
> That's what I was just thinking, she said things would be BETTER after you moved closer!!!
> 
> You've had some other red flags along the way, I think, but sometimes people change and the relationship doesn't work after those changes. What you needed and expected before didn't match what you need and expect now.
> 
> Did you break things off with her, or was it mutual?
> 
> I'm sorry!


I initiated the “talk” but I think the feeling was mutual. One big red flag for me was her communication with her ex. Not a day went by that they didn’t talk or text. I know it wasn’t inappropriate contact, but still. Like aren’t you guys divorced?? Also, I have a trigger with money. My ex spent it like it was free and got us 25k in debt without me knowing. Now, this girl lives paycheck to paycheck. She works hard but doesn’t make that much (80k) and relies on her ex’s child support. She calls me up the other day and says she just booked a 12 day vacation to Greece with her 3 kids. I’m thinking to myself, this isn’t going to be good. Another reason I’d never cohabitate or comingle assets ever again.


----------



## LisaDiane

That's just weird to me. If I had to talk to my ex every day, I would be SO annoyed...what could they have to talk about?? BLEGH!!!!

I have more respect for people who save their money and don't spend frivolously, however, if you aren't co-mingling your money with her, why did it bother you? If she is earning her own money, why would it bother you how she spent it? Did she ask you for help or expect you to spend money on her?

I agree with Livvie, it's good you ended things now, instead of investing more time and effort in her. You have a new start now too, and maybe she just doesn't meet your wants and needs anymore. And the no-sex thing should ALWAYS be a deal-breaker when you are only dating!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

2&out said:


> Something in the air rebuilding... I'm about to end my latest. "We need to spend more time together... I don't feel like I'm a priority, we don't talk as much as I'd like, how come you don't always ask or include me when you go out/do something ? ". Well now your becoming work, and a drag. And I'm a lazy selfish guy who isn't willing to plan or run his life around or for someone else. Used to look forward to seeing, hanging, sleeping with. Now it's gotten _heavy_ and not so much. Searching for a decent way to do, say, but needs done in the next few days / soon.


I hear you. I don’t know what makes them turn, but they always do. It’s like they always want more. But they usually shut off the oxygen first (sex). It’s like a death nail to a guy, but that’s what they do. I don’t know where they get their advice from. They all seem to use the same playbook.

I’m sorry you’re here too. I was feeling this way for a while. It seems like you are too. Good luck and I hope it’s a clean, successful break.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Yeah, things changed for the worse when I moved into my new house. Strange, because I’m now 10 minutes away from her instead of 40 minutes. Typical stuff, I got busy with the house, she claims I’m not emotionally there for her, no sex, etc, etc. She had her 50 birthday early in December. Little did I know this was going to be a two week event. After dinner with just us one night, then out with friends dancing another night, the third night of this dreaded, attention seeking birthday was a big dinner with about 20 friends at a restaurant. After 4 hours, I left with my brother and SIL (they drove as I was still living with them) to go check out my new house as they never saw it. The next day I got ass whipped for “leaving her at her birthday dinner”. That was the nail in the coffin for me. It’s a shame because my kids liked her and her kids. Oh well, another one bites the dust.


Sorry things didn't work out, man. I have to say, this sounds nuts, especially for a 50 y/o. 4hrs at dinner? Mother...



RebuildingMe said:


> I initiated the “talk” but I think the feeling was mutual. One big red flag for me was her communication with her ex. Not a day went by that they didn’t talk or text. I know it wasn’t inappropriate contact, but still. Like aren’t you guys divorced?? Also, I have a trigger with money. My ex spent it like it was free and got us 25k in debt without me knowing. Now, this girl lives paycheck to paycheck. She works hard but doesn’t make that much (80k) and relies on her ex’s child support. She calls me up the other day and says she just booked a 12 day vacation to Greece with her 3 kids. I’m thinking to myself, this isn’t going to be good. Another reason I’d never cohabitate or comingle assets ever again.


Savers and spenders eventually clash big, sucks that it took so long to see it.

Hope you're doing alright.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> That's just weird to me. If I had to talk to my ex every day, I would be SO annoyed...what could they have to talk about?? BLEGH!!!!
> 
> I have more respect for people who save their money and don't spend frivolously, however, if you aren't co-mingling your money with her, why did it bother you? If she is earning her own money, why would it bother you how she spent it? Did she ask you for help or expect you to spend money on her?
> 
> I agree with Livvie, it's good you ended things now, instead of investing more time and effort in her. You have a new start now too, and maybe she just doesn't meet your wants and needs anymore. And the no-sex thing should ALWAYS be a deal-breaker when you are only dating!!


You’re right, they way she spends her money shouldn’t affect me, but it did. I suppose I saw it as another reason I wouldn’t ever consider moving to another level with her. I lose respect for people that are stupid with their money. I’d be hearing about how much this trip set her back until next Christmas.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

2&out said:


> Something in the air rebuilding... I'm about to end my latest. "We need to spend more time together... I don't feel like I'm a priority, we don't talk as much as I'd like, how come you don't always ask or include me when you go out/do something ? ". Well now your becoming work, and a drag. And I'm a lazy selfish guy who isn't willing to plan or run his life around or for someone else. Used to look forward to seeing, hanging, sleeping with. Now it's gotten _heavy_ and not so much. Searching for a decent way to do, say, but needs done in the next few days / soon.


I don’t find most of this unreasonable. I guess because it’s kind of where I’m at right now. I am starting to feel out of sight, out of mind. You don’t sound like a committed relationship is what you want right now. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 2&out

3Xnocharm said:


> I don’t find most of this unreasonable. I guess because it’s kind of where I’m at right now. I am starting to feel out of sight, out of mind. You don’t sound like a committed relationship is what you want right now.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think the term "committed relationship" is a different thing to different people. If it is being tied at the hip, keep each other informed about everything all the time, always ask for advise, discuss everything, get permission, then your right - I don't. To me that sounds smothering, co-dependent, and awful. I will never co-mingle finances or property or get married again. But I think I am more than willing to be in a committed relationship to experience things, enjoy life, have fun. Frankly there is nothing else I desire, want in a relationship. I am not one that needs to "feel loved, desired, needed" and it proven to me again and again to be happy. I'm already happy.


----------



## TXTrini

3Xnocharm said:


> I don’t find most of this unreasonable. I guess because it’s kind of where I’m at right now. I am starting to feel out of sight, out of mind. You don’t sound like a committed relationship is what you want right now.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


How long have you been dating him? 

I had that bit a few months into my relationship, and my response was to break up because I don't like games. That ended up with us talking about what we wanted and moving on together. 

It's a good opportunity to see if what you both want going forward match or a good time to let go before anyone gets too attached. It's a pity some people don't seem to know wtf they want or more likely, hide their intentions before dating someone.


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> You’re right, they way she spends her money shouldn’t affect me, but it did. I suppose I saw it as another reason I wouldn’t ever consider moving to another level with her. *I lose respect for people that are stupid with their money.* I’d be hearing about how much this trip set her back until next Christmas.


Yes, this absolutely. Probably silly, but I am equally put off by people who are mean or stingy and people who spend more than they can afford. I don't earn a lot, but I don't have expensive hobbies and we tend to go visit families on holiday. 

My ex suggested though that my son didn't need to do after-school activities as it cost a bit extra, and to me, they are absolutely vital. He is in a chess club and likes running and has tried a few other things during after school while I'm at work. He has learned a new skill in each activity, started running more, and won his first chess club trophy. It's important for him to have interests outside of schoolwork. On the other end of things, my ex massively overspent on vacations - I kept trying to get him to see reality. I'm a teacher, not a lawyer or doctor and really need to focus on fun and affordable if we do vacations. Definitely have my red flag detector turned up to 11.


----------



## LisaDiane

3Xnocharm said:


> I don’t find most of this unreasonable. I guess because it’s kind of where I’m at right now. I am starting to feel out of sight, out of mind. You don’t sound like a committed relationship is what you want right now.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's also good for HER (and/or YOU) to find out now that he isn't going to be able to meet her needs.

As long as he's being honest about what he's willing to give her and what he wants in a relationship (and it sounds like he is) then there shouldn't be anything wrong with discovering that two people have differing expectations and should move on from eachother.


----------



## LisaDiane

2&out said:


> I think the term "committed relationship" is a different thing to different people. If it is being tied at the hip, keep each other informed about everything all the time, always ask for advise, discuss everything, get permission, then your right - I don't. To me that sounds smothering, co-dependent, and awful. I will never co-mingle finances or property or get married again. But I think I am more than willing to be in a committed relationship to experience things, enjoy life, have fun. Frankly there is nothing else I desire, want in a relationship. I am not one that needs to "feel loved, desired, needed" and it proven to me again and again to be happy. I'm already happy.


Were you monogamous?


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I hear you. I don’t know what makes them turn, but they always do. It’s like they always want more. *But they usually shut off the oxygen first (sex).* It’s like a death nail to a guy, but that’s what they do. I don’t know where they get their advice from. They all seem to use the same playbook.
> 
> I’m sorry you’re here too. I was feeling this way for a while. It seems like you are too. Good luck and I hope it’s a clean, successful break.


I know!!! I HATE when guys take sex away...don't you @TXTrini...??


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> I know!!! I HATE when guys take sex away...don't you @TXTrini...??


Yup. If sex is off the table, so is all the rest. 

I'm a bit miffed atm about when they eat too much to do it and roll over and snore away.


----------



## joannacroc

LisaDiane said:


> It's also good for HER (and/or YOU) to find out now that he isn't going to be able to meet her needs.
> 
> As long as he's being honest about what he's willing to give her and what he wants in a relationship (and it sounds like he is) then there shouldn't be anything wrong with discovering that two people have differing expectations and should move on from eachother.


Yeah, I mean to me that's kind of the point of dating, but it definitely stands repeating


----------



## RebuildingMe

Commitment should mean a lot of things but *one* of those things for me is regular sex without having to jump through hoops to get it.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Commitment should mean a lot of things but *one* of those things for me is regular sex without having to jump through hoops to get it.


EXACTLY. For me too though...that's why I can't keep from teasing you when you say it's all women. In my experience (and some other women's experience on this very thread), it's men who do it!


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Commitment should mean a lot of things but *one* of those things for me is regular sex without having to jump through hoops to get it.


I can see both sides of it though. One the one hand, some people need sex to feel connected, on the other some people need to feel connected to have sex, so it's a catch 22. 

If people who need sex to feel connected resent "jumping through hoops" or in the other person's opinion... making that person feel connected to have sex, then there are no winners. Just two resentful people engaged in a continuous power play. 

At some point, one person has to be above it and make concessions... ideally that isn't 1 person 100% of the time, but that seems to be the essence of sex dynamics.



LisaDiane said:


> EXACTLY. For me too though...that's why I can't keep from teasing you when you say it's all women. In my experience (and some other women's experience on this very thread), it's men who do it!


It is mostly women though, but somehow it never occurs to men they need to adapt and change tactics so everyone gets what they want, it's easier to move on to the next.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I can see both sides of it though. One the one hand, some people need sex to feel connected, on the other some people need to feel connected to have sex, so it's a catch 22.
> 
> If people who need sex to feel connected resent "jumping through hoops" or in the other person's opinion... making that person feel connected to have sex, then there are no winners. Just two resentful people engaged in a continuous power play.
> 
> At some point, one person has to be above it and make concessions... ideally that isn't 1 person 100% of the time, but that seems to be the essence of sex dynamics.
> 
> 
> It is mostly women though, but somehow it never occurs to men they need to adapt and change tactics so everyone gets what they want, it's easier to move on to the next.


I agree with what you said. I personally only feel connected with sex. The longer it lacks, the more distant I get. It’s a power struggle, which makes me think it’s just easier to meet someone who feels the same way. The issue is, they say and act that way in the beginning, only to find out it’s not really all that important to them. Thus, it eventually fades and dies.


----------



## 2&out

LisaDiane said:


> Were you monogamous?


Yes. In my younger days I did and could do some juggling, playing the field, but time has caught up with me... I'm not the man I used to be. These days one at a time is enough and I humbly admit at times feel pressure to perform I never did in the past. Was never an "issue". Damn old age... sucks. At least I didn't try to save any for later... lol.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree with what you said. I personally only feel connected with sex. The longer it lacks, the more distant I get. It’s a power struggle, which makes me think it’s just easier to meet someone who feels the same way. The issue is, they say and act that way in the beginning, only to find out it’s not really all that important to them. Thus, it eventually fades and dies.


I understand, I feel similarly but consider this...
Statistically, your chance of meeting someone who thinks similarly that you're attracted to AND wants to be with you are much lower than finding a workaround since men tend to share your attitude about sex compared to women. So unless you turn gay, that's less likely to happen.

Another thing, you're experienced enough to know that the "issue" you describe is not really an issue, it is a known relationship dynamic. Even LD people screw like rabbits at the start of a new relationship, when everything is still fantasyland before reality interjects. Of course, it fades away! Unless you can always be super excited, never fart, witty, sexy, and interesting 24/7, it's unrealistic to expect things to remain the same. 

So, your choices pretty much are, wait for that unicorn who meets all of your criteria and pray you also meet hers and you get together forever or keep chasing that limited bit where everything is new and great.

In my situation, I love the man, I can live with his foibles, but I wish he was physically capable of more sex or viewed it more as I did, a way to connect and enjoy each other in the moment. Am I going to throw him away for someone more HD? No... I have no idea if my drive will change, it's quite possible, nothing ever remains static. Plus I don't like most people and I really like him 😂


----------



## LisaDiane

2&out said:


> Yes. In my younger days I did and could do some juggling, playing the field, but time has caught up with me... I'm not the man I used to be. These days one at a time is enough and I humbly admit at times feel pressure to perform I never did in the past. Was never an "issue". Damn old age... sucks. At least I didn't try to save any for later... lol.


Lol!!! That could be good or bad for a relationship, I guess!! How old are you?


----------



## 2&out

LisaDiane said:


> Lol!!! That could be good or bad for a relationship, I guess!! How old are you?


I will soon turn 61. All still works - just not every day and twice on Sundays with stamina any longer.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I understand, I feel similarly but consider this...
> Statistically, your chance of meeting someone who thinks similarly that you're attracted to AND wants to be with you are much lower than finding a workaround since men tend to share your attitude about sex compared to women. So unless you turn gay, that's less likely to happen.
> 
> Another thing, you're experienced enough to know that the "issue" you describe is not really an issue, it is a known relationship dynamic. Even LD people screw like rabbits at the start of a new relationship, when everything is still fantasyland before reality interjects. Of course, it fades away! Unless you can always be super excited, never fart, witty, sexy, and interesting 24/7, it's unrealistic to expect things to remain the same.
> 
> So, your choices pretty much are, wait for that unicorn who meets all of your criteria and pray you also meet hers and you get together forever or keep chasing that limited bit where everything is new and great.
> 
> In my situation, I love the man, I can live with his foibles, but I wish he was physically capable of more sex or viewed it more as I did, a way to connect and enjoy each other in the moment. Am I going to throw him away for someone more HD? No... I have no idea if my drive will change, it's quite possible, nothing ever remains static. Plus I don't like most people and I really like him 😂


So, in other words, I need to lower my expectations. You’re probably right. The misleading comments about how “it will be better when you’re out by me” were a classic case of a LD making excuses. I fell for it too. 🙁


----------



## 2&out

Boring update . Whelp... looks like my breakup just got a little easier. Recent phone call. When can we get together to talk ? Thursday. Why ? Because I have meeting with historical society tonight and car club meeting tomorrow eve. Unhappiness, not happy camper on other end. "You have too many hobbies" and not enough time for me. Umm... OK.

I'm just not a good "full time" boyfriend. I've been told this type stuff before. But. I will not make excuses for not being a person who feels he is "missing something" and needs a romantic relationship to fill. I'm just not a high needs person... I don't need any help taking care of myself. In fact I'm very low "needs". I will not say I am sorry for being gregarious and outgoing, and have a large circle of friends and interests. One of my failings (?) is I haven't felt "lonely" in I can't remember how long, and no I am not worried about later. I'm comfortable with who I am and live.

I may be getting (or am) on the old side but God was good to me and family genetics. My parents are in their mid to late 80's and healthy, mobile. no health issues, fine. (Knock on wood continues) I've never been more than 10 lbs over on weight in my life. I'm hoping/planning on another 25 useful years. I may not be a stud anymore but women have always been interested in me. I have what some want... no mental or health issues, good job (for now - don't need to work anymore - just do as like my job and Covid makes retire, travel plans seem not like good plan now), no effed up family or kid issues, and for some, seem to think I'm fun to be with. Really not very concerned about meeting another lady to enjoy being with. Also feel no rush to do. If I meet one great, and I'll wait no problem, concern until do. And if I don't ? Maybe odd to some - but that's fine also. Just don't feel like I will ever be bored and lonely, wanting. Could be kidding myself... who knows.

Strangely feel good, strong, and ready to "move on". Looks like Thursday it is. Sorry for bore, vent, - but thx ! Peace and happiness to all !


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So, in other words, I need to lower my expectations. You’re probably right. The misleading comments about how “it will be better when you’re out by me” were a classic case of a LD making excuses. I fell for it too. 🙁


Honestly, I don't know the answer. If I did, I'd never have been divorced but been happy in a long-term marriage with my perfectly imperfect mate. I suppose that's why I'm still here, to see how others deal with everyday things and negotiate their relationships to develop more realistic expectations for my own life and acquire some skills to keep one going.

All you can do is keep trying, and speak up when you don't like/agree with something and try to get on the same page or move on.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> So, in other words, I need to lower my expectations. You’re probably right. The misleading comments about how “it will be better when you’re out by me” were a classic case of a LD making excuses. I fell for it too. 🙁


The problem with that excuse is that people who enjoy sex and feel like it's important for their happiness MAKE it a priority. They don't need repeated excuses because they find ways to overcome the barriers to being sexual with their partners.

I don't think you need to lower your expectations, just find which ones are the most important to you and find someone who feels the same as you do.

I know this isn't what you wanted to do, but you are in a GREAT place for starting over and finding someone you want to move forward with!


----------



## LisaDiane

2&out said:


> I will soon turn 61. All still works - just not every day and twice on Sundays with stamina any longer.


Nothing wrong with this at all!!!! Like you said in your other post, no one seems to be complaining...Lol!!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I suppose that's why I'm still here, to see how others deal with everyday things and negotiate their relationships to develop more realistic expectations for my own life and acquire some skills to keep one going.


Why do I feel like I’m going to be here forever reading other people’s messes and offering questionable advice?


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> The problem with that excuse is that people who enjoy sex and feel like it's important for their happiness MAKE it a priority. They don't need repeated excuses because they find ways to overcome the barriers to being sexual with their partners.
> 
> I don't think you need to lower your expectations, just find which ones are the most important to you and find someone who feels the same as you do.
> 
> I know this isn't what you wanted to do, but you are in a GREAT place for starting over and finding someone you want to move forward with!


You are 100% correct. I’m in a far better place than I was a year ago, so who knows what the future holds.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Why do I feel like I’m going to be here forever reading other people’s messes and offering questionable advice?


Sharing is caring?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

joannacroc said:


> Started chatting with a few folks online and potentially lining up a couple of first dates. One of them I SWEAR I know him from somewhere but he didn't go to my school or work at the same place. It's gonna be creepy if I am like "do I know you from somewhere" and I don't want to look like a stalker so we'll just see if it comes up organically. I think we're gonna get coffee this weekend.
> 
> The other, weird guy I texted just because we had made dinner plans for first date before he let me know he expected sex after. I texted to let him know I thought we were looking for different things but wishing him luck. He didn't respond. People lack courtesy. Has anyone noticed that?


That dude better get used to paying escorts with his mindset.


----------



## RandomDude

Both me and ms crutch ms cutie are enjoying our single life parallel to each other's distanced company and it's working out really good for us. It is a temporary state though I'm sure she'll find someone that can give her a real future. Enjoying it while it lasts but after this I'm closing shop for a few years. 

Already I am LOVING my man cave life.


----------



## Hiner112

joannacroc said:


> This is true. For some people, their character is their very own birth control. Or for me I guess, standards are. Chatted over zoom with a guy who seemed *intelligent if a bit asexual*. We shall see about possibly meeting up in a few weeks time. It's hard to glean anything from chatting for a half an hour with a new human being. The more I think about it, the less appealing relationships seem. I wonder how many people get into them just to avoid this level of BS.


I think my current girlfriend would have probably described me this way during out initial messages and first date. I didn't really feel comfortable bringing up sexual topics until we had met in person or had done something first. This lasted until the second in person date. We've been off to the races pretty much limited only to availability given the fact we both have lives and are an hour and a half away.

This past weekend as we were lying together in bed she said, "It is a good thing we didn't meet or date in our twenties because someone might have died. It would have been a hell of a way to go though."

That's as much to say don't _necessarily_ count him out.


----------



## joannacroc

Hiner112 said:


> I think my current girlfriend would have probably described me this way during out initial messages and first date. I didn't really feel comfortable bringing up sexual topics until we had met in person or had done something first. This lasted until the second in person date. We've been off to the races pretty much limited only to availability given the fact we both have lives and are an hour and a half away.
> 
> This past weekend as we were lying together in bed she said, "It is a good thing we didn't meet or date in our twenties because someone might have died. It would have been a hell of a way to go though."
> 
> That's as much to say don't _necessarily_ count him out.


It's not so much bringing up sexual topics, as being someone who seems like they have that spark of life; someone who is asexual sometimes seems like they aren't very passionate about anything, but who knows. I find intelligence to be quite sexy, though, so I'm giving it some time.

We had a virtual date as he was feelng under the weather and he's growing on me. He is solicitous and interesting on first acquaintance, so I'm definitely not counting him out. He's the lawyer. 

Then there is a science teacher I have a first date with in a couple of weeks, who seems engaging and smart, so we'll see. 

They both have a kid, like me. I am still on the fence as to whether that is a good thing. What have you guys found? 
Fellow parents on the one hand understand the demands on our time of raising a child, but they may or may not get on with my son so it's another dynamic if things go well and eventually progress.


----------



## RebuildingMe

joannacroc said:


> It's not so much bringing up sexual topics, as being someone who seems like they have that spark of life; someone who is asexual sometimes seems like they aren't very passionate about anything, but who knows. I find intelligence to be quite sexy, though, so I'm giving it some time.
> 
> We had a virtual date as he was feelng under the weather and he's growing on me. He is solicitous and interesting on first acquaintance, so I'm definitely not counting him out. He's the lawyer.
> 
> Then there is a science teacher I have a first date with in a couple of weeks, who seems engaging and smart, so we'll see.
> 
> They both have a kid, like me. I am still on the fence as to whether that is a good thing. What have you guys found?
> Fellow parents on the one hand understand the demands on our time of raising a child, but they may or may not get on with my son so it's another dynamic if things go well and eventually progress.


Blending sucks, especially with know it all teenagers. I think if your kids are young and you’re both on the same page with boundaries for your kids, you have a shot. How old is your child?


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> Blending sucks, especially with know it all teenagers. I think if your kids are young and you’re both on the same page with boundaries for your kids, you have a shot. How old is your child?


He's a pre-teen.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So, in other words, I need to lower my expectations. You’re probably right. The misleading comments about how “it will be better when you’re out by me” were a classic case of a LD making excuses. I fell for it too. 🙁


So I was thinking about this again...

I don't believe anyone can have it all, people don't come tailor-made to our specifications all gift wrapped. That said, you may have to lower your expectations or at least examine them and see how realistic they are collectively compared to what you are offering and your demand.

I'm not attacking you, I have a long list of attributes (physical, emotional, etc) I'd want in a dream man that's simply not realistic in a single person. I'd have to have a stable of men at the same time working in concert to do all of that, so back to reality...

Assuming regular sex (in a relationship) = number 1 priority, what concessions are you willing to make to get that?
Are you ok with a much more experienced woman? a less physically fit/attractive one? less financially savvy? less intelligent? etc.

The other alternative could be a/few FWB, once you're not grossed out by her possibly banging other dudes.

I hope you know me well enough to know I'm not being sarcastic, I truly believe in compromise in all things. 



LisaDiane said:


> The problem with that excuse is that people who enjoy sex and feel like it's important for their happiness MAKE it a priority. They don't need repeated excuses because they find ways to overcome the barriers to being sexual with their partners.
> 
> *I don't think you need to lower your expectations, just find which ones are the most important to you and find someone who feels the same as you do.*
> 
> I know this isn't what you wanted to do, but you are in a GREAT place for starting over and finding someone you want to move forward with!


I have to agree. I think the crux of the problem is when we want to have too many expectations and rate them all equally important, without budging.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> So I was thinking about this again...
> 
> I don't believe anyone can have it all, people don't come tailor-made to our specifications all gift wrapped. That said, you may have to lower your expectations or at least examine them and see how realistic they are collectively compared to what you are offering and your demand.
> 
> I'm not attacking you, I have a long list of attributes (physical, emotional, etc) I'd want in a dream man that's simply not realistic in a single person. I'd have to have a stable of men at the same time working in concert to do all of that, so back to reality...
> 
> Assuming regular sex (in a relationship) = number 1 priority, what concessions are you willing to make to get that?
> Are you ok with a much more experienced woman? a less physically fit/attractive one? less financially savvy? less intelligent? etc.
> 
> The other alternative could be a/few FWB, once you're not grossed out by her possibly banging other dudes.
> 
> I hope you know me well enough to know I'm not being sarcastic, I truly believe in compromise in all things.
> 
> 
> I have to agree. I think the crux of the problem is when we want to have too many expectations and rate them all equally important, without budging.


You can have exclusive FWB arrangements or at least arrangements where both are honest with each other when they want to see other people. It's actually quite neat, only problem with FWBs is like any friendship, they move on eventually with their lives.

As for expectations, just important to know your deal-breakers really. I found I'm stacking a lot more now but I'm not bringing anything new to the table past my prime  
I'm like a leftover frozen meal past its used by date!


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> Blending sucks, especially with know it all teenagers. I think if your kids are young and you’re both on the same page with boundaries for your kids, you have a shot. How old is your child?


That's another reason I avoid dating single mums. I want my daughter to be impacted minimally, though hell she got impacted bad enough recently. Bah!

Ah hell, another reason not to date at all. I normally don't mix my personal life with family life, can't imagine putting her through all this sh-t a third time. Maybe post-18.


----------



## Numb26

RandomDude said:


> That's another reason I avoid dating single mums. I want my daughter to be impacted minimally, though hell she got impacted bad enough recently. Bah!
> 
> Ah hell, another reason not to date at all. I normally don't mix my personal life with family life, can't imagine putting her through all this sh-t a third time. Maybe post-18.


Even though I am dating now, I still keep the GF and my kids as two separate parts of my life. Just better that way.


----------



## RandomDude

Numb26 said:


> Even though I am dating now, I still keep the GF and my kids as two separate parts of my life. Just better that way.


Question is what to do when things get serious, you can't keep them apart for long when that happens.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> You can have exclusive FWB arrangements or at least arrangements where both are honest with each other when they want to see other people. It's actually quite neat, only problem with FWBs is like any friendship, they move on eventually with their lives.
> 
> As for expectations, just important to know your deal-breakers really. I found I'm stacking a lot more now but I'm not bringing anything new to the table past my prime
> I'm like a leftover frozen meal past its used by date!


If you already have friends you trust that you find attractive, sure. How many people keep around friends they find sexually attractive and can see themselves bonking though?


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> Even though I am dating now, I still keep the GF and my kids as two separate parts of my life. Just better that way.


Like @RandomDude said, it's just a matter of time until it's an issue. I've been wondering how I'd handle that part now, but my bf's kids went AWOL so it hasn't come up... yet.


----------



## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> Even though I am dating now, I still keep the GF and my kids as two separate parts of my life. Just better that way.


Good man.


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> Like @RandomDude said, it's just a matter of time until it's an issue. I've been wondering how I'd handle that part now, but my bf's kids went AWOL so it hasn't come up... yet.


The oldest knows but the other two have no idea


----------



## ConanHub

I don't blame any single parent for dating but I sincerely respect those that separate their children from it. If they turn out to be the real deal and you both know it, slowly introducing the wonderful person to your children will be great but until then, erring on the side of caution for your children is simply real love.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> I don't blame any single parent for dating but I sincerely respect those that separate their children from it. If they turn out to be the real deal and you both know it, slowly introducing the wonderful person to your children will be great but until then, erring on the side of caution for your children is simply real love.


Mine already have enough issues with their mother, I don't need to add another female to the mix. I will keep them separate for now.


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> The oldest knows but the other two have no idea


Oh, I meant more like having to interact and form some kind of relationship. I didn't see the point to get close to his "people" until we knew we were something. My dodging days are over though 🤦‍♀️


----------



## RebuildingMe

ConanHub said:


> I don't blame any single parent for dating but I sincerely respect those that separate their children from it. If they turn out to be the real deal and you both know it, slowly introducing the wonderful person to your children will be great but until then, erring on the side of caution for your children is simply real love.


It’s almost impossible to hide it completely. They ask questions, hear you on the phone, etc. It’s even more impossible when the one you are dating has kids too. It’s going to come up. You can only hold it at bay for so long. I find the kids very interested and intrigued at first, only to become opinionated on who mom or dad is dating.


----------



## Numb26

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s almost impossible to hide it completely. They ask questions, hear you on the phone, etc. It’s even more impossible when the one you are dating has kids too. It’s going to come up. You can only hold it at bay for so long. I find the kids very interested and intrigued at first, only to become opinionated on who mom or dad is dating.


I don't hide the fact that I am dating someone from the kids. They just have not met her yet.


----------



## ConanHub

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s almost impossible to hide it completely. They ask questions, hear you on the phone, etc. It’s even more impossible when the one you are dating has kids too. It’s going to come up. You can only hold it at bay for so long. I find the kids very interested and intrigued at first, only to become opinionated on who mom or dad is dating.


I will never know, but I know about protecting children and I respect those that do their best 

Kids are extremely perceptive, it's how they learn, but adults make good or bad choices.


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> Yup. If sex is off the table, so is all the rest.
> 
> I'm a bit miffed atm about when they eat too much to do it and roll over and snore away.
> [/QUOTE
> Geez, I shoulda read this thread earlier. Some good here.😂


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> If you already have friends you trust that you find attractive, sure. How many people keep around friends they find sexually attractive and can see themselves bonking though?


No, you make new friends lol

There's 'just friends' and then there's you know


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> No, you make new friends lol
> 
> There's 'just friends' and then there's you know


Tried that... epic disaster.

Long story short, people lie and share 2nd/3rd/etc cooties. Nope!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Tried that... epic disaster.
> 
> Long story short, people lie and share 2nd/3rd/etc cooties. Nope!


They do yes, that's why it's just like dating other people, trust also has to be built.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> They do yes, that's why it's just like dating other people, trust also has to be built.


Hmmm... it's my curse to like efficiency in all things... that's why I decided to date for reals instead 😂


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> No, you make new friends lol
> 
> There's 'just friends' and then there's you know


BLEGH!!!!

But awesome for you if it makes you happy!!


----------



## 2&out

An update... maybe entertainment... So... met with time to end lady yesterday... who dominated conversation saying seems like we don't want the same things. But she understands that and is not mad at me. OK - cool. But she is going to pursue, look for full time partner, but can we still be friends. Sure ! I would like that. Just please let me know, be honest, when find, have. OK... lets have sex. LOL.

So tonight... I am tired from week. But friend calls and says come to place to see, hear band he knows someone in. I say no - tired... He says come for just an hour - think you'll like. Arg. OK. And do. Band pretty good ! And, umm, meet Jennifer... Wow. 3 hrs later, plan to meet for brunch on Sunday. I am an idiot... and a sl*t... want her. It's almost 12:30 now and dammit... sleep like I should have been doing at least 2 hrs ago ? LOL.


----------



## LisaDiane

2&out said:


> An update... maybe entertainment... So... met with time to end lady yesterday... who dominated conversation saying seems like we don't want the same things. But she understands that and is not mad at me. OK - cool. But she is going to pursue, look for full time partner, but can we still be friends. Sure ! I would like that. Just please let me know, be honest, when find, have. OK... lets have sex. LOL.
> 
> So tonight... I am tired from week. But friend calls and says come to place to see, hear band he knows someone in. I say no - tired... He says come for just an hour - think you'll like. Arg. OK. And do. Band pretty good ! And, umm, meet Jennifer... Wow. 3 hrs later, plan to meet for brunch on Sunday. I am an idiot... and a sl*t... want her. It's almost 12:30 now and dammit... sleep like I should have been doing at least 2 hrs ago ? LOL.


YAY!!! Good luck...I think...?


----------



## joannacroc

I have another virtual first date (still texting back and forth with date 1 guy but no firm plans to go out again) on Friday with a guy who has no kids this time. Honestly, it's an odd dynamic because you can't see their walk, their scent, the way they treat the waitress etc. etc. In short, a lot of social stuff you can glean from a first date, you don't get from a virtual date. No idea if they talk down to the waitress or are stingy with the tip. No idea if they smell like old socks or have awful breath. Possibly the only benefit is you take the physical side of things out of the equation and just see if they can hold a conversation. There definitely won't be a kiss because...that would be weird.  
Anyone figured out how to zoom date like a pro? Last time I fussed for a while over outfit and shoes only to realize they would likely only see the head and shoulders.


----------



## jlg07

Joanna, I have to say I laughed my butt off with the "smells like old socks" comment.
I DO HOPE that you (and all the singles here) never have to date anyone that smells like old socks!!!!!


----------



## ConanHub

jlg07 said:


> Joanna, I have to say I laughed my butt off with the "smells like old socks" comment.
> I DO HOPE that you (and all the singles here) never have to date anyone that smells like old socks!!!!!


Quit talking about me dude.....😋


----------



## jlg07

ConanHub said:


> Quit talking about me dude.....😋


Well, I said that they should not have to DATE anyone who smells like that. If YOU were going to date, I think Mrs C would make sure that you smelling like old socks was the LEAST of your worries!!!!


----------



## ConanHub

jlg07 said:


> Well, I said that they should not have to DATE anyone who smells like that. If YOU were going to date, I think Mrs C would make sure that you smelling like old socks was the LEAST of your worries!!!!


Ok. So being married and smelling like old socks is just fine! Got it. I'm gonna start my own essence of man, old sock sent cologne.😉


----------



## jlg07

Too late Conan -- most old married guys smell like that already!!!!!
Are you trying to create a scent for SINGLE guys so that they can smell like old married guys?
I think your marketing team will have a cow trying to sell THAT one...
I can see the commercial now -- a guy sitting in a recliner in boxers and a wife beater holding a stick to keep all those single young hotties with Daddy issues away???


----------



## RebuildingMe

So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


----------



## jlg07

RebuildingMe said:


> So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


Man you ran the whole nice, uptight, bat-**** crazy cycle even BEFORE your first date!!!! Glad you missed out on that..


----------



## RebuildingMe

jlg07 said:


> Man you ran the whole nice, uptight, bat-**** crazy cycle even BEFORE your first date!!!! Glad you missed out on that..


Right? I’m mean if you’re a single woman accepting a date, the last word you even want to spew is “friend”. Said, but that’s why she’s 51 and single.


----------



## jlg07

Wow, she's 51!?? I thought from your initial post that you were talking about a younger woman -- like late 20s or even younger... Ugh.


----------



## RebuildingMe

jlg07 said:


> Wow, she's 51!?? I thought from your initial post that you were talking about a younger woman -- like late 20s or even younger... Ugh.


I’ve got three kids in their 20’s. I couldn’t imagine dating a woman my daughters age. That’s not me. But this one had the maturity level of a 20 something year old. So who knows?


----------



## m.t.t

to me it sounds like she was trying to clarify, I think some punctuation might have been of benefit though. Sorry, but you sounded a little flighty.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


Maybe she was embarrassed to be seen as eager beaver and didn't want you to think her beaver was too eager after consistently hitting on you for so long without being asked out? 😂 (I know you had a gf at the time)

Anyway, that whole exchange sounds way too high school for BOTH of you. So much drama for a no.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


Honestly there is a difference between telling someone "let's meet as friends", and "let's just be friends", BIG difference. Culturally, the definition of friends during courtship may even differ.

I got the feeling from your post that it was the former, which doesn't necessarily mean the latter. 

But WTF though, I would be careful about client/salesperson flings, I used to flirt a lot back in the day when I did sales. It's just so much easier to ice-break.


----------



## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


Ooh, I don't understand. 

If she was interested in you for weeks and says she is "into you" why would the fact that she's hit on all day at work be a reason to tell a man she IS interested in and "into" (you) that she wants to meet as friends? 

How does this explanation even make sense? Or was there more to it?

At any rate, she sounds flakey and immature and really unprofessional, given you may still need to deal with her in a business capacity. Never hang up on a customer! She should have terminated the exchange gracefully, especially given she is in her 50s.


----------



## ccpowerslave

“As friends” certainly is a record scratch moment. 51 you have more days behind you than in front of you and you’re pumping the brakes? Odd…


----------



## In Absentia

it was her way of saying no sex on the first date...


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> Maybe she was embarrassed to be seen as eager beaver *and didn't want you to think her beaver was too eager *after consistently hitting on you for so long without being asked out? 😂 (I know you had a gf at the time)
> 
> Anyway, that whole exchange sounds way too high school for BOTH of you. So much drama for a no.


Lolol!!!!! OMG...you are hysterical!!!!!!!!


----------



## lifeistooshort

I can't imagine telling a guy I was interested in that we were going out as friends. It seems like immature game playing and reeks of poor boundaries....something an attention seeker does.

Attention seekers are poor partner material.

Bf and I didn't have sex for over a month when we first started to see each other but I never would've thrown out the "just friends" thing.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> So, I bought a lot of furniture a few weeks ago. The salesgirl was totally hitting on me. She’s been calling me a couple of times a week to update me on my delivery (it’s all coming in pieces due to delays, I ordered furniture for 4 rooms). So I text her and ask her to meet up for a drink this week. She’s accepts right away. Good, we have a place, time and date. Then she text me hours later “we are meeting as friends”. I respond “what, I’ve never been put in the friendzone before a first date”. I cancel. She texts many times saying she’s been interested for weeks on meeting me, sends me selfies, etc. I text her back that this was a mistake. I have enough “friends” and don’t need anymore. She’s pissed. She says she was thinking about me for weeks. Why would I cancel? I don’t respond. She then calls me. Says she “into me”. I said the “friends” comment through me off. She tries to explain it. Said she’s hit on all day in her line of work. I said fine, but don’t tell a guy you are interested in that you are meeting “as friends”. He doesn’t want to hear it. She asks can we still go out? I said no, I’m no longer interested. She hangs up on me. Lol, I’m like I haven’t been hung up on since I was in high school. She was cute, but she’s immature.


Wow...I think it was a way to try to maintain "power" and make you try to "chase" her more! @TXTrini might be right that she felt a little awkward about seeming so eager, and wanted to re-establish you as the pursuer.

That's NO excuse though, and I think you dodged a bullet with this one!!! Game-players are toxic as far as I'm concerned!


----------



## RebuildingMe

I definitely felt it was more immaturity then game playing. I do agree she was trying to back off and make me chase. But after I canceled, she just went to crazy town. We should all be able to get a sneak peek at someone’s true behavior. I was lucky enough to see it this time. Whew…


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> I definitely felt it was more immaturity then game playing. I do agree she was trying to back off and make me chase. But after I canceled, she just went to crazy town. We should all be able to get a sneak peek at someone’s true behavior. I was lucky enough to see it this time. Whew…


Honestly, I don't see the point in game playing. Two yes = want a piece of dat.

Count your blessings for having that crap pop up early, that's ridiculous.


----------



## RebuildingMe

RandomDude said:


> Honestly there is a difference between telling someone "let's meet as friends", and "let's just be friends", BIG difference. Culturally, the definition of friends during courtship may even differ.
> 
> I got the feeling from your post that it was the former, which doesn't necessarily mean the latter.
> 
> But WTF though, I would be careful about client/salesperson flings, I used to flirt a lot back in the day when I did sales. It's just so much easier to ice-break.


It could be that she wasn’t putting me in the friendzone. I’ll never know. But I just don’t think it’s something you say to someone that just asked you out…and after you accepted.


----------



## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> It could be that she wasn’t putting me in the friendzone. I’ll never know. But I just don’t think it’s something you say to someone that just asked you out…and after you accepted.


Right. Not unless you really do want to just be friends! She sounds like a fruitcake.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Livvie said:


> Right. Not unless you really do want to just be friends! She sounds like a fruitcake.


Agreed. Don't waste your time with game players.


----------



## ConanHub

RebuildingMe said:


> I definitely felt it was more immaturity then game playing. I do agree she was trying to back off and make me chase. But after I canceled, she just went to crazy town. We should all be able to get a sneak peek at someone’s true behavior. I was lucky enough to see it this time. Whew…


LoL! I probably would have went but I have a devil may care attitude a lot of the time as well.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> LoL! I probably would have went but I have a devil may care attitude a lot of the time as well.


You know nothing, Mr. married Jon Snow 😂


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I definitely felt it was more immaturity then game playing. I do agree she was trying to back off and make me chase. But after I canceled, she just went to crazy town. We should all be able to get a sneak peek at someone’s true behavior. I was lucky enough to see it this time. Whew…


I bet she's used to fake-friendzoning guys and having them jump through all kinds of hoops to get her, and that's what she was trying to do. Her response to you backing off shows clearly that she was manipulating you and expected a different response.

If she made an honest misstep or misunderstood something, she would have reacted much differently, instead of sending selfies and trying to get you to believe in her "real" interest, after she thought she could make you dance by withholding it.

And I don't understand why she would tell you she gets hit on all the time in her line of work, and that's why she pretended not to be really interested in you -- again, it sounds like she was trying to make you think she's in high demand and you are the lucky recipient of her sought-after attention.

You had better check your furniture for rips and marker stains when it gets delivered...Lol!!!


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> You know nothing, Mr. married Jon Snow 😂


I have a cold so I'm too foggy headed. Please help me get it?🙂


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> I bet she's used to fake-friendzoning guys and having them jump through all kinds of hoops to get her, and that's what she was trying to do. Her response to you backing off shows clearly that she was manipulating you and expected a different response.
> 
> If she made an honest misstep or misunderstood something, she would have reacted much differently, instead of sending selfies and trying to get you to believe in her "real" interest, after she thought she could make you dance by withholding it.
> 
> And I don't understand why she would tell you she gets hit on all the time in her line of work, and that's why she pretended not to be really interested in you -- again, it sounds like she was trying to make you think she's in high demand and you are the lucky recipient of her sought-after attention.
> 
> *You had better check your furniture for rips and marker stains when it gets delivered...Lol!!!*


Don't sh1t where you eat, ma boy.

Eh, sounds like a lot of feather fluffing for sure. We're all guilty of this to some extent, but this whole business takes the cake. A selfie? Did she think he had already forgotten what she looked like? 😂 

@ RebuildingMe Or was it a "selfie"


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I have a cold so I'm too foggy headed. Please help me get it?🙂


Awww, poor fella. Feel better soon.

I just meant that it's a lot different out there than 30 yrs ago. You have no idea how happy I am not to be on the prowl.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Awww, poor fella. Feel better soon.
> 
> I just meant that it's a lot different out there than 30 yrs ago. You have no idea how happy I am not to be on the prowl.


I'm naturally mischievous though so playa's often get a surprise!😉😋


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> You know nothing, Mr. married Jon Snow 😂


I just got it!!! I actually read that book years ago you clever girl!!😉😁


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> It could be that she wasn’t putting me in the friendzone. I’ll never know. But I just don’t think it’s something you say to someone that just asked you out…and after you accepted.


I was going to mention she is probably young and clueless then I saw her age. _gasp_
Not really how I'd expect a 51 yr old to act.

She can probably get away with hanging up on you and any potential complaints with a claim of harassment. When I flirted during sales there was a line that just never gets crossed, for example - there was an absolutely beautiful woman I managed to approach and chat up for a good ten minutes, the sheer anticipation and disappointment on her face when I told her I was there to sell her something (instead of getting her contact) sure was something  But no - I don't cross that barrier, icebreak, flirt, build rapport, but in the end, close the deal and move on.

Yet it seems this woman has no issues crossing it. I wonder how that works


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Awww, poor fella. Feel better soon.
> 
> I just meant that it's a lot different out there than 30 yrs ago. You have no idea how happy I am not to be on the prowl.


I dunno, the dateables are still pretty meh (quality perhaps, just not chemically intoxicating as a new partner should be).
So still pretty much the same if you ask me (if not more matches), just a few environmental conditions this time. Adds to the boredom.

If the stars are to re-align again - I want their moons to align too! 
Otherwise it's just too boring to go dating again... what is there to do really? Same yadda yadda each time.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> I bet she's used to fake-friendzoning guys and having them jump through all kinds of hoops to get her, and that's what she was trying to do. Her response to you backing off shows clearly that she was manipulating you and expected a different response.
> 
> If she made an honest misstep or misunderstood something, she would have reacted much differently, instead of sending selfies and trying to get you to believe in her "real" interest, after she thought she could make you dance by withholding it.
> 
> And I don't understand why she would tell you she gets hit on all the time in her line of work, and that's why she pretended not to be really interested in you -- again, it sounds like she was trying to make you think she's in high demand and you are the lucky recipient of her sought-after attention.
> 
> You had better check your furniture for rips and marker stains when it gets delivered...Lol!!!


I have no clue. Maybe she is hit on all day long and can string them along to get whatever it is she wants. She ran into a roadblock with me. I wasn’t falling for “nice guy” routine. Yea, I’ll buy dinner and drinks and date you for weeks on end with the hope of someday being physical. Nope!

Interesting what you say about the furniture. I got an email from the (insert well know company) this morning that my order is “delayed” until April. I doubt she has that much power….hummm🤔


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Don't sh1t where you eat, ma boy.
> 
> Eh, sounds like a lot of feather fluffing for sure. We're all guilty of this to some extent, but this whole business takes the cake. A selfie? Did she think he had already forgotten what she looked like? 😂
> 
> @ RebuildingMe Or was it a "selfie"


Get your mind out of the gutter, lol. It was a “regular” selfie. She looked good for her age and I’m sure it’s a photo she uses for everything. It just didn’t work for dinner and drinks from me after her stupid, I’m 13 can we be friends” comment.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Get your mind out of the gutter, lol. It was a “regular” selfie. She looked good for her age and I’m sure it’s a photo she uses for everything. It just didn’t work for dinner and drinks from me after her stupid, I’m 13 can we be friends” comment.


As if I was the only one thinking it! 😂


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I dunno, the dateables are still pretty meh (quality perhaps, just not chemically intoxicating as a new partner should be).
> So still pretty much the same if you ask me (if not more matches), just a few environmental conditions this time. Adds to the boredom.
> 
> If the stars are to re-align again - I want their moons to align too!
> Otherwise it's just too boring to go dating again... *what is there to do really? Same yadda yadda each time.*


You're killing me smalls...
You really want me to spell it out?  

It doesn't sound like you're up for it anyways. Chill out, enjoy eating in bed in your underoos. You'll venture out when you're good and ready.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Get your mind out of the gutter, lol. It was a “regular” selfie. She looked good for her age and I’m sure it’s a photo she uses for everything. It just didn’t work for dinner and drinks from me after her stupid, I’m 13 can we be friends” comment.


I can't believe grown-ass women act like that and still think it's cute or something.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> I can't believe grown-ass women act like that and still think it's cute or something.


“As friends” at 51…. 😶. That’s some Sweet Valley High level **** right there…


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I have no clue. Maybe she is hit on all day long and can string them along to get whatever it is she wants. She ran into a roadblock with me. I wasn’t falling for “nice guy” routine. Yea, I’ll buy dinner and drinks and date you for weeks on end with the hope of someday being physical. Nope!
> 
> Interesting what you say about the furniture. I got an email from the (insert well know company) this morning that my order is “delayed” until April. I doubt she has that much power….hummm🤔


Oh no!!!! What are you going to use for furniture for 4 months?? Patio sets are coming out soon...Lol!!
Should you cancel the order and check out the sales girls at another furniture place...? 

I'm glad you didn't fall for her crap...I bet she'll be more careful trying to be a puppet-master with the next guy!!! Lol!
You should have told her since she gets hit on all the time, she will have no problem finding "friends" who want to date her!


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> I dunno, the dateables are still pretty meh (quality perhaps, just not chemically intoxicating as a new partner should be).
> So still pretty much the same if you ask me (if not more matches), just a few environmental conditions this time. Adds to the boredom.
> 
> If the stars are to re-align again - I want their moons to align too!
> Otherwise it's just too boring to go dating again... what is there to do really? Same yadda yadda each time.


I hope the things you post here aren't the things you say to potential dates...you might be scaring the "chemically intoxicating" (whatever that means) women away....


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> Oh no!!!! What are you going to use for furniture for 4 months?? Patio sets are coming out soon...Lol!!
> Should you cancel the order and check out the sales girls at another furniture place...?
> 
> I'm glad you didn't fall for her crap...I bet she'll be more careful trying to be a puppet-master with the next guy!!! Lol!
> You should have told her since she gets hit on all the time, she will have no problem finding "friends" who want to date her!


Too.Many.Words...

People like this are a complete waste of time and effort unless you're in the mood to amuse yourself


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> I hope the things you post here aren't the things you say to potential dates...you might be scaring the "chemically intoxicating" (whatever that means) women away....


Nah just the ones I lose interest in.

Chemically intoxicating is just a new way I made up of describing a woman that drives a man wild with her chemistry. And we both know they aren't exactly a dime a dozen, both sexes.



TXTrini said:


> You're killing me smalls...
> You really want me to spell it out?
> 
> It doesn't sound like you're up for it anyways. Chill out, enjoy eating in bed in your underoos. You'll venture out when you're good and ready.


Heh maybe that's the thing, THAT bores me now too. 

I think I'm at the stage of my journey where I'm now like, so life - now what? 🤷‍♂️


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Boy she really shot herself in the foot didn’t she! Dumbass. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Nah just the ones I lose interest in.
> 
> Chemically intoxicating is just a new way I made up of describing a woman that drives a man wild with her chemistry. And we both know they aren't exactly a dime a dozen, both sexes.
> 
> 
> 
> Heh maybe that's the thing, THAT bores me now too.
> 
> *I think I'm at the stage of my journey where I'm now like, so life - now what? 🤷‍♂️*


And what's wrong with that? You don't have to "be" any particular way. Just take care of yourself and your daughter and carry on until someone makes you interested enough to emerge.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> “As friends” at 51…. 😶. That’s some Sweet Valley High level **** right there…


What do you know about Sweet Valley High, eh boyo? Methinks someone read it all...


----------



## farsidejunky

ConanHub said:


> Ok. So being married and smelling like old socks is just fine! Got it. I'm gonna start my own essence of man, old sock sent cologne.


Old Sock Scent is the label, similar to Dior. 

Some specific subtypes?

August Football
Boston Marathon
Soggy Soccer
Dog Toy Crew

I'll expect one half of those royalties, Conan.



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> Boy she really shot herself in the foot didn’t she! Dumbass.


Hell I would prefer weird and crazy over boring right now but maybe that's just the state of mind I am 
(Or was I always like this?  )

How come I only found normal boring peeps when I was looking around last year?


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> What do you know about Sweet Valley High, eh boyo? Methinks someone read it all...


Haha I tease my wife with it all the time when Netflix recommends it.


----------



## RebuildingMe

So just a little bit of an update. I’m redoing my son’s room. Taking off wallpaper, tape, doors, molding…the whole nine. Ex…gf??? texts me to see how I am doing. Told her the sanding the spackle is messy and breathing in so much dust. So “Ms. LD” comes over unexpectedly and drops off a bunch of N95 masks to protect my lungs. 10 minutes later…we’ll, you know. She leaves and “Ms. immature saleswoman” calls (from her business, not her cell so I didn’t recognize the number) to tell me that “some” pieces are in and she’ll call me in the morning to tell me which ones and I can decide if I want a delivery. Acts like nothing happened. She was professional (at least as professional as she can get). I said okay. I’m dreading speaking to her. I think I might ask for someone else to handle my order.

Sorry @LisaDiane, it looks like I can hold off on sleeping on a beach chair 😄


----------



## jlg07

I think that the bscrazy 51 year old calling you is fine. Let her do her job, and just keep it at a 100% professional level.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> Haha I tease my wife with it all the time when Netflix recommends it.


I didn't see that  . Sounds like a trip down Nostalgia Lane might happen this weekend! Thanks!


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So just a little bit of an update. I’m redoing my son’s room. Taking off wallpaper, tape, doors, molding…the whole nine. Ex…gf??? texts me to see how I am doing. Told her the sanding the spackle is messy and breathing in so much dust. So “Ms. LD” comes over unexpectedly and drops off a bunch of N95 masks to protect my lungs. 10 minutes later…*we’ll, you know*. She leaves and “Ms. immature saleswoman” calls (from her business, not her cell so I didn’t recognize the number) to tell me that “some” pieces are in and she’ll call me in the morning to tell me which ones and I can decide if I want a delivery. Acts like nothing happened. She was professional (at least as professional as she can get). I said okay. I’m dreading speaking to her. I think I might ask for someone else to handle my order.
> 
> Sorry @LisaDiane, it looks like I can hold off on sleeping on a beach chair 😄


Just 10 mins later? 

Sanitize your chairs in case someone rubbed stuff on them. Like you see those cooks on TV whip their willies out and put it in soup, or stuff toast in their pants and "butter' it. You never know...


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Just 10 mins later?
> 
> Sanitize your chairs in case someone rubbed stuff on them. Like you see those cooks on TV whip their willies out and put it in soup, or stuff toast in their pants and "butter' it. You never know...


So you think crazytown is rubbing her lady bits on my new furniture?


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So you think crazytown is rubbing her lady bits on my new furniture?


Or... she could subcontract it out to some dude, to amuse herself thinking about you laying your head down where balls and butts have been before...

Can you tell I don't expect anything good from anyone?  
Don't mind me, my brain's fried atm.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> So you think crazytown is rubbing her lady bits on my new furniture?


Lol I've heard worse.

Hygiene tip = Flirt after business is concluded, not during!


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Lol I've heard worse.
> 
> Hygiene tip = Flirt after business is concluded, not during!


I knew I couldn't be the only one thinking it!


----------



## Lila

Looks like 2022 is starting out with a bang for several of the TAM singles. Hoping they all turn into celebration fireworks and not hand grenades. 😁

The last 8 weeks have been a crazy whirlwind for me. Long story short I got a yacht, I sold said yacht, and now own a lease in a Yacht Club Marina but have no boat. The lease came with the boat but thankfully expires in April. As usual, I sort of just fell into all of this. I'm not complaining as I made a killing but the situation was very stressful. 

Nothing has changed on the relationship front. I did go on one date that will probably be one of those "bad date" stories he tells future dates. Short story, met a guy at Christmas Eve party with whom I hit it off. Totally my type. He mentioned having grown kids during the party. Yeay. We exchange numbers, do a little texting, and he asks me out to dinner. Yeay. Dinner was great until the end. Boo 

We spent 3 hours chatting, flirting, and getting to know each other. As he's paying the bill he says "I'd like to see you again but I can't until next week. My 8 year old is staying with me through the New Year". I am not a good actress so I guess the look of shock on my face was evident. I start babbling inconsequential **** (my nervous talk) as I'm hurrying to end the date trying very hard not to be rude, all while he's trying to figure out WTF just happened. I end up sprinting to the door while yelling over my shoulder 'I'll text you". I made it to my car just in time for the tears to drop from my eyes. I thought my luck had changed but no, it hasn't. 

I did send him a text afterwards apologizing for my behavior and explaining why I was shocked. I let him know that it was my fault for not asking if he had young children but that I was not interested in seeing him again. It is unknown if he read my text or not. I didn't get a response.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> So just a little bit of an update. I’m redoing my son’s room. Taking off wallpaper, tape, doors, molding…the whole nine. Ex…gf??? texts me to see how I am doing. Told her the sanding the spackle is messy and breathing in so much dust. So “Ms. LD” comes over unexpectedly and drops off a bunch of N95 masks to protect my lungs. 10 minutes later…we’ll, you know. She leaves and “Ms. immature saleswoman” calls (from her business, not her cell so I didn’t recognize the number) to tell me that “some” pieces are in and she’ll call me in the morning to tell me which ones and I can decide if I want a delivery. Acts like nothing happened. She was professional (at least as professional as she can get). I said okay. I’m dreading speaking to her. I think I might ask for someone else to handle my order.
> 
> Sorry @LisaDiane, it looks like I can hold off on sleeping on a beach chair 😄


I love all the names you have for the lucky girls in your harem!!! Lol!!

You could still GET a beach chair, just for the fun of it!!!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Hell I would prefer weird and crazy over boring right now but maybe that's just the state of mind I am
> (Or was I always like this?  )
> 
> How come I only found normal boring peeps when I was looking around last year?


Maybe because everyone seems boring to you, because you are kind of all over the place right now, and seem to be looking more for distraction than connection...?


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Looks like 2022 is starting out with a bang for several of the TAM singles. Hoping they all turn into celebration fireworks and not hand grenades. 😁
> 
> The last 8 weeks have been a crazy whirlwind for me. Long story short I got a yacht, I sold said yacht, and now own a lease in a Yacht Club Marina but have no boat. The lease came with the boat but thankfully expires in April. As usual, I sort of just fell into all of this. I'm not complaining as I made a killing but the situation was very stressful.
> 
> Nothing has changed on the relationship front. I did go on one date that will probably be one of those "bad date" stories he tells future dates. Short story, met a guy at Christmas Eve party with whom I hit it off. Totally my type. He mentioned having grown kids during the party. Yeay. We exchange numbers, do a little texting, and he asks me out to dinner. Yeay. Dinner was great until the end. Boo
> 
> We spent 3 hours chatting, flirting, and getting to know each other. As he's paying the bill he says "I'd like to see you again but I can't until next week. My 8 year old is staying with me through the New Year". I am not a good actress so I guess the look of shock on my face was evident. I start babbling inconsequential **** (my nervous talk) as I'm hurrying to end the date trying very hard not to be rude, all while he's trying to figure out WTF just happened. I end up sprinting to the door while yelling over my shoulder 'I'll text you". I made it to my car just in time for the tears to drop from my eyes. I thought my luck had changed but no, it hasn't.
> 
> I did send him a text afterwards apologizing for my behavior and explaining why I was shocked. I let him know that it was my fault for not asking if he had young children but that I was not interested in seeing him again. It is unknown if he read my text or not. I didn't get a response.


That's too bad!!! Was his kid the only deal-breaker you noticed during the date? Did you like everything else about him?


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Looks like 2022 is starting out with a bang for several of the TAM singles. Hoping they all turn into celebration fireworks and not hand grenades. 😁
> 
> The last 8 weeks have been a crazy whirlwind for me. Long story short I got a yacht, I sold said yacht, and now own a lease in a Yacht Club Marina but have no boat. The lease came with the boat but thankfully expires in April. As usual, I sort of just fell into all of this. I'm not complaining as I made a killing but the situation was very stressful.
> 
> Nothing has changed on the relationship front. I did go on one date that will probably be one of those "bad date" stories he tells future dates. Short story, met a guy at Christmas Eve party with whom I hit it off. Totally my type. He mentioned having grown kids during the party. Yeay. We exchange numbers, do a little texting, and he asks me out to dinner. Yeay. Dinner was great until the end. Boo
> 
> We spent 3 hours chatting, flirting, and getting to know each other. As he's paying the bill he says "I'd like to see you again but I can't until next week. My 8 year old is staying with me through the New Year". I am not a good actress so I guess the look of shock on my face was evident. I start babbling inconsequential **** (my nervous talk) as I'm hurrying to end the date trying very hard not to be rude, all while he's trying to figure out WTF just happened. I end up sprinting to the door while yelling over my shoulder 'I'll text you". I made it to my car just in time for the tears to drop from my eyes. I thought my luck had changed but no, it hasn't.
> 
> I did send him a text afterwards apologizing for my behavior and explaining why I was shocked. I let him know that it was my fault for not asking if he had young children but that I was not interested in seeing him again. It is unknown if he read my text or not. I didn't get a response.


That sucks. I assume if you haven’t heard from him since Christmas, he’s not going to ever respond. I’m sure he got it and read it. I’m a little surprised you didn’t ask that right off the bat considering it’s such an important deal breaker for you. Anyway, lesson learned I suppose. Wheeling and dealing yachts? You must have some discretionary cash lying around. Good for you. Keep busy and something will come your way. Happy New Year!


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Or... she could subcontract it out to some dude, to amuse herself thinking about you laying your head down where balls and butts have been before...
> 
> Can you tell I don't expect anything good from anyone?
> Don't mind me, my brain's fried atm.


Balls, butts, unwanted “stains”. I’m going to have to go all CSI on this furniture when it comes. Luckily, I have my mattresses already. So at least she can’t treat them as her personal maxi pad.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Balls, butts, unwanted “stains”. I’m going to have to go all CSI on this furniture when it comes. Luckily, I have my mattresses already. So at least she can’t treat them as her personal maxi pad.


Get a black light...I've heard that will show you things you wish you could un-see...Lol!!


----------



## hubbyintrubby

Hey all, thought I'd share some recent activities of mine I'm kind of excited about. Met a girl on TikTok of all places, lots of flirty back and forth for a couple of weeks. I asked her to coffee with me and she jumped at the chance. We met at a local mall and got our coffee and walked for a while and found a nice quiet corner to settle and talk some more. We have a lot in common, had a really nice in person conversation. Both gave in to the urge to kiss each other after a little while. The 3 hours felt like 10 minutes had passed. We saw each other the next week also when I took her to breakfast and then back our quiet corner of the mall. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other towards the end of our date and things got interesting in the parking lot. We decided to head separate direction for the day so no bad, good decisions could be made then and there lol.


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> Maybe because everyone seems boring to you, because you are kind of all over the place right now, and seem to be looking more for distraction than connection...?


Ha! And when I did find a connection I put her in a box at a distance, drew a line and said we can't cross this.  
At the same time she's the only one who managed to creep in before my walls are built but I surely hope she's not holding out for something.

But nah, I think my boredom is more to do with life itself, trying to find a new aspiration/goals to replace the old ones from last year. My life right now, bores me. Hobbies can only take you so far.

What would make me excited about life?


----------



## RandomDude

hubbyintrubby said:


> Hey all, thought I'd share some recent activities of mine I'm kind of excited about. Met a girl on TikTok of all places, lots of flirty back and forth for a couple of weeks. I asked her to coffee with me and she jumped at the chance. We met at a local mall and got our coffee and walked for a while and found a nice quiet corner to settle and talk some more. We have a lot in common, had a really nice in person conversation. Both gave in to the urge to kiss each other after a little while. The 3 hours felt like 10 minutes had passed. We saw each other the next week also when I took her to breakfast and then back our quiet corner of the mall. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other towards the end of our date and things got interesting in the parking lot. We decided to head separate direction for the day so no bad, good decisions could be made then and there lol.


Now we know you go on TikTok 

I thought it was a millenial thing lol


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> What would make me excited about life?


Can you name 3 things...?


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> Can you name 3 things...?


Today?


Finding out Hubbyintrubby goes on TikTok and is probably on it right now
Being amused at a karen at work attempting to exempt herself from hotel quarantine
Erm....

Maybe if I find number 3 I can call it the day


----------



## hubbyintrubby

RandomDude said:


> Now we know you go on TikTok
> 
> I thought it was a millenial thing lol


Now that I'm outed....I'm right on the Millennial and Gen X line. Close enough lol!!!


----------



## Blondilocks

TXTrini said:


> Just 10 mins later?
> 
> Sanitize your chairs in case someone rubbed stuff on them. *Like you see those cooks on TV whip* their willies out and put it in soup, or stuff toast in their pants and "butter' it. You never know...


OMG, I sincerely hope you are pulling our legs! One - the thought that some cook would do that and two - they would talk about it on TV. Three - why aren't those mofos in jail!!


----------



## Blondilocks

hubbyintrubby said:


> Now that I'm outed....I'm right on the Millennial and Gen X line. Close enough lol!!!


Is your divorce final?


----------



## TXTrini

Blondilocks said:


> OMG, I sincerely hope you are pulling our legs! One - the thought that some cook would do that and two - they would talk about it on TV. Three - why aren't those mofos in jail!!


I can't remember what show I saw it on, but it stuck firmly in my head. 

I wish I were pulling your leg, I've seen/heard shady **** from people I used to work with about gross things people do with food to not want to eat out much.


----------



## hubbyintrubby

Blondilocks said:


> Is your divorce final?


Not yet.


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> That's too bad!!! Was his kid the only deal-breaker you noticed during the date? Did you like everything else about him?


Up until that point, yes the kid was the dealbreaker. Everything else about him seemed good. He was very laid back and approachable, something I rarely see in men my age. 

This was my first date since the fiasco with tall and tattooed. I let my guard down, was really enjoying this guy's company, and bam! he hits me with a dealbreaker. It opened up fresh wounds. I felt like such a fool.... Again. That's why I barely made it back to my car before crying. 



RebuildingMe said:


> That sucks. I assume if you haven’t heard from him since Christmas, he’s not going to ever respond. I’m sure he got it and read it. I’m a little surprised you didn’t ask that right off the bat considering it’s such an important deal breaker for you. Anyway, lesson learned I suppose. Wheeling and dealing yachts? You must have some discretionary cash lying around. Good for you. Keep busy and something will come your way. Happy New Year!


It wouldn't surprise me to learn that he blocked me before I had a chance to send that message. 

The reason I didn't ask was that at the party where we met, he mentioned his oldest three kids. The conversation during dinner flowed naturally. He told me about his daughter's recent wedding, his middle son's aspirations to become a lawyer, and the one I thought was the "youngest" (19 year old) attending my alma mater. It was my fault for assuming. You'd think by now I would have learned to ask "any young kids?". 

The yacht thing was insanity at it's finest. It was the equivalent of betting my savings on red at the blackjack table. It all worked out. I can tell people I owned a Meridian Yach, I just won't say for how long 😉. 

Happy New Year to you too. Here's to a year of good health, financial success, and much love (in whatever form that comes) 🥂


----------



## Lila

hubbyintrubby said:


> Now that I'm outed....I'm right on the Millennial and Gen X line. Close enough lol!!!


I thought TikTok was where kids put up singing and dancing videos. How do you "meet" someone on there? Do you have to post a video first?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> Up until that point, yes the kid was the dealbreaker. Everything else about him seemed good. He was very laid back and approachable, something I rarely see in men my age.
> 
> This was my first date since the fiasco with tall and tattooed. I let my guard down, was really enjoying this guy's company, and bam! he hits me with a dealbreaker. It opened up fresh wounds. I felt like such a fool.... Again. That's why I barely made it back to my car before crying.
> 
> 
> 
> It wouldn't surprise me to learn that he blocked me before I had a chance to send that message.
> 
> The reason I didn't ask was that at the party where we met, he mentioned his oldest three kids. The conversation during dinner flowed naturally. He told me about his daughter's recent wedding, his middle son's aspirations to become a lawyer, and the one I thought was the "youngest" (19 year old) attending my alma mater. It was my fault for assuming. You'd think by now I would have learned to ask "any young kids?".
> 
> The yacht thing was insanity at it's finest. It was the equivalent of betting my savings on red at the blackjack table. It all worked out. I can tell people I owned a Meridian Yach, I just won't say for how long 😉.
> 
> Happy New Year to you too. Here's to a year of good health, financial success, and much love (in whatever form that comes) 🥂


From what you've posted I suspect he knew the 8 year old would be problematic at your ages and purposely left it out. He hoped you'd like him enough to overlook it.

Not unlike one who lies about their appearance or marital status with the hope that if you spend time with them you'll overlook it.

Once he realized it wasn't going to work with you he was out.

Just the fact that he was dishonest is enough to be a dealer.


----------



## SunCMars

From @RebuildingMe 's post.

..................................................................................................



LisaDiane said:


> I bet she's used to fake-friendzoning guys and having them jump through all kinds of hoops to get her, and that's what she was trying to do. Her response to you backing off shows clearly that she was manipulating you and expected a different response.
> 
> If she made an honest misstep or misunderstood something, she would have reacted much differently, instead of sending selfies and trying to get you to believe in her "real" interest, after she thought she could make you dance by withholding it.
> 
> And I don't understand why she would tell you she gets hit on all the time in her line of work, and that's why she pretended not to be really interested in you -- again, it sounds like she was trying to make you think she's in high demand and you are the lucky recipient of her sought-after attention.
> 
> You had better check your furniture for rips and marker stains when it gets delivered...Lol!!!


Such a wise post.

As only a lady can deliver to men, many who are hapless, some who are helpless.

Men are rarely so coy, they do more, the avoidance ploy.

Women as this, are confidant phallus toy-ers, such practiced, trick teasers.

They know the art of polishing, not the apple, but the brain stem (knob) of a man.

All, without the use of hands, or glands.

They employ the art of the smile, the wafting scent and the clever, never revealed, dissenting deceit.

They love to pull men close, then push them away. This brings about that delicious friction that is felt between their feminine ears, in that land mind of theirs.

Men are led, willingly into the web, where their very prideful soul, is sucked out from their ignorant, rapt bodies.




_Nemesis- _ I am a woman, one straight forward, and honest. And, honestly, I am appalled at these _age old_ tactics I continue to witness from my female cohorts.

My long tail wags uncontrollably when I see this displayed.
Such it is with cats, my other true nature.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> The yacht thing was insanity at it's finest. It was the equivalent of betting my savings on red at the blackjack table. It all worked out. I can tell people I owned a Meridian Yach, I just won't say for how long 😉.


As the type of person who would occasionally do something borderline crazy I am glad I have my wife as an opposing force for sanity on those days.


----------



## RandomDude

lifeistooshort said:


> *From what you've posted I suspect he knew the 8 year old would be problematic at your ages and purposely left it out. * He hoped you'd like him enough to overlook it.
> 
> Not unlike one who lies about their appearance or marital status with the hope that if you spend time with them you'll overlook it.
> 
> Once he realized it wasn't going to work with you he was out.
> 
> Just the fact that he was dishonest is enough to be a dealer.


I agree, though I'm not sure it was done out of dishonesty or malice. Conversations must flow naturally, and you can't drop all the bombs at once all the time. But Lila was there, she can discern if this was the case.


----------



## RandomDude

SunCMars said:


> They love to pull men close, then push them away. This brings about that delicious friction that is felt between their feminine ears, in that land mind of theirs.


Friction? I call that tension. I love it.

And well, I've never been naturally seduced like that. I'm pulled close then sucked dry and left to hang in a cocoon for later meals.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> I thought TikTok was where kids put up singing and dancing videos. How do you "meet" someone on there? Do you have to post a video first?


I do wonder what was hubbyintrubby's video 



hubbyintrubby said:


> Now that I'm outed....I'm right on the Millennial and Gen X line. Close enough lol!!!


Yeah well ain't gonna stop me from giving you sh-t mate haha


----------



## hubbyintrubby

Lila said:


> I thought TikTok was where kids put up singing and dancing videos. How do you "meet" someone on there? Do you have to post a video first?


One and the same. You can post videos, comments and message directly to other creators and video makers also.


----------



## SunCMars

Lila said:


> I thought TikTok was where kids put up singing and dancing videos. How do you "meet" someone on there? Do you have to post a video first?


TikTok is a bad website for children.

And, for National Security reasons, with it likely stealing personal information on our citizens.

They expose the young one's to crap and filth.



The Chinese have a stake in this.

Donald Trump by EXO, banned the website in the United States.

Joe Brandon Biden immediately rescinded the ban. 
Imagine that...


----------



## RandomDude

SunCMars said:


> TikTok is a bad website for children.
> 
> And, for National Security reasons, with it likely stealing personal information on our citizens.
> 
> They expose the young one's to crap and filth.
> 
> 
> 
> The Chinese have a stake in this.
> 
> Donald Trump by EXO, banned the website in the United States.
> 
> Joe Brandon Biden immediately rescinded the ban.
> Imagine that...


And for those who use it... 

Bloody hell I just remembered my ex even threw men from TikTok to my face, "look at this couple who come we aren't like that" 🤦‍♂️ 
Why the hell are people boasting of themselves as couples on TikTok anyway? Bah! Then they break up....


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> The yacht thing was insanity at it's finest. It was the equivalent of betting my savings on red at the blackjack table. It all worked out. I can tell people I owned a Meridian Yach, I just won't say for how long 😉.


I think the yacht thing is really exciting, especially because it worked just the way you wanted it to!!!

And yeah, what a story!!!


----------



## hubbyintrubby

SunCMars said:


> TikTok is a bad website for children.
> 
> And, for National Security reasons, with it likely stealing personal information on our citizens.
> 
> They expose the young one's to crap and filth.
> 
> 
> 
> The Chinese have a stake in this.
> 
> Donald Trump by EXO, banned the website in the United States.
> 
> Joe Brandon Biden immediately rescinded the ban.
> Imagine that...


If I were worried about any information of mine being stolen...I wouldn't be online at all.


----------



## SunCMars

Chinese Government Takes Stake in TikTok, Raising Questions About National Security and Data Privacy


In the United States, officials are concerned that TikTok’s indirect connection to the Chinese government could put user data at risk.




losspreventionmedia.com


----------



## RandomDude

SunCMars said:


> Chinese Government Takes Stake in TikTok, Raising Questions About National Security and Data Privacy
> 
> 
> In the United States, officials are concerned that TikTok’s indirect connection to the Chinese government could put user data at risk.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> losspreventionmedia.com


Such goals!

Oops, sorry... millenial influence escaped me 😌


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Friction? I call that tension. I love it.
> 
> And well, I've never been naturally seduced like that. I'm pulled close then sucked dry and left to hang in a cocoon for later meals.


You call it "naturally seduced", but isn't it really only being fake with eachother?


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> You call it "naturally seduced", but isn't it really only being fake with eachother?


Huh? It's all about not being too easy, let the tension build up higher for much more satisfying payoff rather than that of instant gratification.

Maybe I'm whining because I always win in this little game.


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Huh? It's all about not being too easy, let the tension build up higher for much more satisfying payoff rather than that of instant gratification.
> 
> Maybe I'm whining because I always win in this little game.


Isn't the goal to win?


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't the goal to win?


Goal is a payoff or experience worth dreaming about days or even years later for both parties.

You don't get that by serving the dish before it's stirred.

Not asking the dance to be forever, only a few extra steps...

Yet it's those extra steps that has always been too much to bear...

Oh well 🤷‍♂️


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Up until that point, yes the kid was the dealbreaker. Everything else about him seemed good. He was very laid back and approachable, something I rarely see in men my age.
> 
> This was my first date since the fiasco with tall and tattooed. I let my guard down, was really enjoying this guy's company, and bam! he hits me with a dealbreaker. It opened up fresh wounds. I felt like such a fool.... Again. That's why I barely made it back to my car before crying.
> 
> 
> 
> It wouldn't surprise me to learn that he blocked me before I had a chance to send that message.
> 
> The reason I didn't ask was that at the party where we met, he mentioned his oldest three kids. The conversation during dinner flowed naturally. He told me about his daughter's recent wedding, his middle son's aspirations to become a lawyer, and the one I thought was the "youngest" (19 year old) attending my alma mater. It was my fault for assuming. You'd think by now I would have learned to ask "any young kids?".
> 
> The yacht thing was insanity at it's finest. It was the equivalent of betting my savings on red at the blackjack table. It all worked out. I can tell people I owned a Meridian Yach, I just won't say for how long 😉.
> 
> Happy New Year to you too. Here's to a year of good health, financial success, and much love (in whatever form that comes) 🥂


Sorry about the date, I'd have done the same, skeedadled the heck out of there. But girl, you pulled a total baller move with that yacht! I'm so glad it worked out for you!


----------



## joannacroc

First zoom date with another guy who has lovely eyes. He was interesting and nice, but while his profile says he has a job in a certain field, backed up by some of his profile photos indicating said job, he mentioned on our call that he was on hiatus/retired because of covid (he is in his early 50s). Unsure how I feel about this. I have sympathy, but at the same time, if I'm gonna date, ideally it would be someone gainfully employed. I also feel like if someone lies on their profile that they kind of go in the red flag pile. Thoughts?


----------



## joannacroc

RandomDude said:


> And for those who use it...
> 
> Bloody hell I just remembered my ex even threw men from TikTok to my face, "look at this couple who come we aren't like that" 🤦‍♂️
> 
> Why the hell are people boasting of themselves as couples on TikTok anyway? Bah! Then they break up....


Ugh. I feel very Clint Eastwood about TikTok, it's a very "get off my lawn" knee-jerk reaction. I may be prematurely old. I pet a cute puppy at my son's school and when I told the lady how cute her puppy was, she said "oh thanks! She has her own tiktok" and gave me the tiktok handle or avatar or whatever it's called.


----------



## ccpowerslave

joannacroc said:


> Unsure how I feel about this. I have sympathy, but at the same time, if I'm gonna date, ideally it would be someone gainfully employed. I also feel like if someone lies on their profile that they kind of go in the red flag pile. Thoughts?


It has been 2 years. Plenty of jobs in many areas are open and anyone with hustle can be working now and probably in the time it takes for a short interview and background check.

Unless the guy is rich enough to retire at that age (almost nobody is) that sounds not great to me.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> It has been 2 years. Plenty of jobs in many areas are open and anyone with hustle can be working now and probably in the time it takes for a short interview and background check.
> 
> Unless the guy is rich enough to retire at that age (almost nobody is) that sounds not great to me.


I'm semi-retired, don't have to be that rich, just lifestyle and not spending more than you earn. Still pretty comfy though, just some sacrifices like no more boating.


----------



## RandomDude

My inner-geek is manifesting now, I want to do something I haven't done in my life, tempted to go geek out at a Dungeons and Dragons or Warhammer meetup.

Anyone tried? I've always been averse to board games, I'm scared of not knowing the rules and ruining it for everyone.

Like, how FUN does this look?





But in real life I'm guessing we don't get Vin Diesel + professional narrator / game master lol


----------



## RandomDude

... guess not 

Back to boring life...


----------



## Hiner112

I haven't done a meetup but have played with the kids. It can be fun. I mean it is just a framework for storytelling so it matters a lot who the storyteller is and whether the players participate well.


----------



## Evinrude58

Had a date the other day. Lady is my age, seems responsible, lots of family drama in the past. Last husband was a meth addict,cheater, etc…… 
We had a nice time. She’s very beautiful. Easy to talk to. Self sufficient. 

Told me she thought she was in love with me on the first date. Then she said she didn’t want to scare me……

Second date……. Find out she has chronic migraines daily, takes Adoral for ADD, alternates meds so she doesn’t get addicted to it…. Not a citizen but has a green card. Doesn’t necessarily want to be a citizen but can whenever….
But I did really enjoy my time with her.,.. 

It’s a strange life I lead…


----------



## RandomDude

Hiner112 said:


> I haven't done a meetup but have played with the kids. It can be fun. I mean it is just a framework for storytelling so it matters a lot who the storyteller is and whether the players participate well.


Yeah I probably won't participate well cause I would take everyone out of their immersion to explain the rules lol

But like really, the game master has to respond to each player's whims and imaginations? Just damn.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> First zoom date with another guy who has lovely eyes. He was interesting and nice, but while his profile says he has a job in a certain field, backed up by some of his profile photos indicating said job, he mentioned on our call that he was on hiatus/retired because of covid (he is in his early 50s). Unsure how I feel about this. I have sympathy, but at the same time, if I'm gonna date, ideally it would be someone gainfully employed. I also feel like if someone lies on their profile that they kind of go in the red flag pile. Thoughts?


If he's not mooching on anyone else, what's the big deal?

Some people have the means to retire early, and good for them. Life's not all about work, we work to live. But it sounds like you are incompatible anyway, so I'm not shaming you.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> ... guess not
> 
> Back to boring life...





Hiner112 said:


> I haven't done a meetup but have played with the kids. It can be fun. I mean it is just a framework for storytelling so it matters a lot who the storyteller is and whether the players participate well.


I lost my taste for gamers and quit cold turkey myself after being burned hard by my ex. Sorry 😂 The most I will do now is mess around in those online browser strategy games.


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> If he's not mooching on anyone else, what's the big deal?
> 
> Some people have the means to retire early, and good for them. Life's not all about work, we work to live. But it sounds like you are incompatible anyway, so I'm not shaming you.


I semi retired at 50


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I lost my taste for gamers and quit cold turkey myself after being burned hard by my ex. Sorry 😂 The most I will do now is mess around in those online browser strategy games.


Yeah I noticed this trend in the market too last year, one woman in particular no longer plays co-op because of her ex. Guess it brings back memories?
There are certain games I can no longer touch cause it brings up too much nostalgia and memories too. It Takes Two, for instance.

Anyway Dungeons and Dragons is a board game, which is quite different, and I'm bored.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> Had a date the other day. Lady is my age, seems responsible, lots of family drama in the past. Last husband was a meth addict,cheater, etc……
> We had a nice time. She’s very beautiful. Easy to talk to. Self sufficient.
> 
> Told me she thought she was in love with me on the first date. Then she said she didn’t want to scare me……
> 
> Second date……. Find out she has chronic migraines daily, takes Adoral for ADD, alternates meds so she doesn’t get addicted to it…. Not a citizen but has a green card. Doesn’t necessarily want to be a citizen but can whenever….
> But I did really enjoy my time with her.,..
> 
> It’s a strange life I lead…


In love on the first date eh? Was it totally PG or do you have a magic member?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I noticed this trend in the market too last year, one woman in particular no longer plays co-op because of her ex. Guess it brings back memories?
> There are certain games I can no longer touch cause it brings up too much nostalgia and memories too. It Takes Two, for instance.
> 
> Anyway Dungeons and Dragons is a board game, which is quite different, and I'm bored.


That and shifting priorities.

My life took a different direction and i don't have time to get sucked in anymore. My bf plays xbox games and wanted me to play with him, but I'm not interested. I was a semi-hardcore raider and very competitive. I don't think his ego can handle it, I trash-talked a lot 😂 

I have played D&D a few times, but it was meh for me. Plus I horrified the other gamers with my Barbian warrior, Beulah Ballbuster whose weapon of choice was a dual-handed maul.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> If he's not mooching on anyone else, what's the big deal?
> 
> Some people have the means to retire early, and good for them. Life's not all about work, we work to live. But it sounds like you are incompatible anyway, so I'm not shaming you.


So the red flag for me was that he listed a profession rather than listing retired. I don't like it when what you list on the most basic stuff is a lie. If you lie about that stuff, how am I supposed to believe you on the big, important things? Had he been retired and said that in his profile, it wouldn't have been an issue. The fact that he lied about it made me think we probably aren't compatible because if he hid it, it's not a good sign in terms of financial responsibility. I don't really care how much a person makes but it's important to me that they be responsible with what they have. If things were to work out long-term I would want someone on the same page as me in terms of their longterm goals.


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> So the red flag for me was that he listed a profession rather than listing retired. I don't like it when what you list on the most basic stuff is a lie. If you lie about that stuff, how am I supposed to believe you on the big, important things? Had he been retired and said that in his profile, it wouldn't have been an issue. The fact that he lied about it made me think we probably aren't compatible because if he hid it, it's not a good sign in terms of financial responsibility. I don't really care how much a person makes but it's important to me that they be responsible with what they have. If things were to work out long-term I would want someone on the same page as me in terms of their longterm goals.


Do you really believe he was lying, or just not keeping the page updated because of the vague nature of what is going to happen with his career? He might be contemplating actual retirement, instead of considering himself "retired", and still considers himself by his profession.


----------



## joannacroc

LisaDiane said:


> Do you really believe he was lying, or just not keeping the page updated because of the vague nature of what is going to happen with his career? He might be contemplating actual retirement, instead of considering himself "retired", and still considers himself by his profession.


Normally I would say he might have not updated it, but based on his body language I'm gonna say he was lying on his profile. His photos seemed strategically to be related to his profession, the profile text gave no indication that it was something he hadn't done for 2 years. It felt framed in such a way that I believe he was lying. Had his photos been different I would probably think what you thought too.

But in any case he was nice enough to send me a message afterwards saying what I think we probably both felt - that it wasn't a match but best of luck etc. etc. so it's kind of a moot point. He seemed genuinely nice but I didn't feel some matchless attraction or anything so I don't really feel anything about it.


----------



## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> That and shifting priorities.
> 
> My life took a different direction and i don't have time to get sucked in anymore. My bf plays xbox games and wanted me to play with him, but I'm not interested. I was a semi-hardcore raider and very competitive. I don't think his ego can handle it, I trash-talked a lot 😂
> 
> I have played D&D a few times, but it was meh for me. Plus I horrified the other gamers with my Barbian warrior, Beulah Ballbuster whose weapon of choice was a dual-handed maul.


Isn't that the character from Porky's??? !!!!! 

Oh, and OUCH!!!! 🤮


----------



## joannacroc

Evinrude58 said:


> Had a date the other day. Lady is my age, seems responsible, lots of family drama in the past. Last husband was a meth addict,cheater, etc……
> We had a nice time. She’s very beautiful. Easy to talk to. Self sufficient.
> 
> Told me she thought she was in love with me on the first date. Then she said she didn’t want to scare me……
> 
> Second date……. Find out she has chronic migraines daily, takes Adoral for ADD, alternates meds so she doesn’t get addicted to it….  *Not a citizen but has a green card. Doesn’t necessarily want to be a citizen but can whenever….*
> But I did really enjoy my time with her.,..
> 
> It’s a strange life I lead…


Does that bother you? Are you specifically looking for an American citizen?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> That and shifting priorities.
> 
> My life took a different direction and i don't have time to get sucked in anymore. My bf plays xbox games and wanted me to play with him, but I'm not interested. I was a semi-hardcore raider and very competitive. I don't think his ego can handle it, I trash-talked a lot 😂
> 
> I have played D&D a few times, but it was meh for me. Plus I horrified the other gamers with my Barbian warrior, Beulah Ballbuster whose weapon of choice was a dual-handed maul.


Lol I wonder what adventures Beulah Ballbuster had before she retired 

I don't even know how it works, how did your first time go?


----------



## Evinrude58

joannacroc said:


> Does that bother you? Are you specifically looking for an American citizen?


The green card doesn’t. I don’t really care if she’s a citizen.


----------



## joannacroc

Evinrude58 said:


> Had a date the other day. Lady is my age, seems responsible, lots of family drama in the past. Last husband was a meth addict,cheater, etc……
> We had a nice time. She’s very beautiful. Easy to talk to. Self sufficient.
> 
> Told me she thought she was in love with me on the first date. Then she said she didn’t want to scare me……
> 
> Second date……. Find out she has chronic migraines daily, takes Adoral for ADD, alternates meds so she doesn’t get addicted to it…. Not a citizen but has a green card. Doesn’t necessarily want to be a citizen but can whenever….
> But I did really enjoy my time with her.,..
> 
> It’s a strange life I lead…


Sounds like she has some good qualities. Was the declaration of love jokingly? I don't know man, I mean ADD in adults probably should be medicated if they still have symptoms but I get why the rest was a lot...Do you want to see her again?


----------



## Lila

joannacroc said:


> His photos seemed strategically to be related to his profession, the profile text gave no indication that it was something he hadn't done for 2 years


Were his pictures from when he was working in his profession two years ago? That would bother me more than anything else. Those are old pictures to be using on a profile.


----------



## Evinrude58

joannacroc said:


> Sounds like she has some good qualities. Was the declaration of love jokingly? I don't know man, I mean ADD in adults probably should be medicated if they still have symptoms but I get why the rest was a lot...Do you want to see her again?


Still going to see her, but she’s moving wayyyy too fast for me and that will probably ruin it, and the constant headaches are rough although I have a lot myself. Taking ADD meds worries me too. But, nobody is perfect and the old girl certainly treats me like a king so far.


----------



## joannacroc

Lila said:


> Were his pictures from when he was working in his profession two years ago? That would bother me more than anything else. Those are old pictures to be using on a profile.


YES. He had like 4 photos and 3 were of him traveling doing stuff related to his job (I don't want to get too specific). Old photos wouldn't bother me really unless they had changed significantly but I used photos from the last 3 or 4 months on mine so potential gentleman callers aren't shocked and horrified when Miss Havisham shows up instead of Estella.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> So the red flag for me was that he listed a profession rather than listing retired. I don't like it when what you list on the most basic stuff is a lie. If you lie about that stuff, how am I supposed to believe you on the big, important things? Had he been retired and said that in his profile, it wouldn't have been an issue. The fact that he lied about it made me think we probably aren't compatible because if he hid it, it's not a good sign in terms of financial responsibility. I don't really care how much a person makes but it's important to me that they be responsible with what they have. If things were to work out long-term I would want someone on the same page as me in terms of their longterm goals.


I agree on principle, though I wouldn't want to plaster on the internet if I was semi-retired to invite the gold diggers to play if I were him.



joannacroc said:


> Normally I would say he might have not updated it, but based on his body language I'm gonna say he was lying on his profile. His photos seemed strategically to be related to his profession, the profile text gave no indication that it was something he hadn't done for 2 years. It felt framed in such a way that I believe he was lying. Had his photos been different I would probably think what you thought too.
> 
> But in any case he was nice enough to send me a message afterwards saying what I think we probably both felt - that it wasn't a match but best of luck etc. etc. so it's kind of a moot point. He seemed genuinely nice but I didn't feel some matchless attraction or anything so I don't really feel anything about it.


Trust your gut. Though most people take real purty pics and post to their profile and show up looking quite different.

BOTH men and women do it. I only posted pics of what I wear when I go out everyday and showed up looking exactly like that, my dates had no issues picking me out in the crowd. One guy waited in his car, presumably so he could drive off if I turned out not to look like my pic 😂. I gave him no end of crap for that.

On the flip side, this dude had profile pics of him in suits, looking like Mr. GQ and showed up in a sports car and blinged out in designer athleisure. Not my cup of tea.


----------



## Lila

Evinrude58 said:


> takes Adoral for ADD


Does she really have ADD? Adderall is a mixture of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine, one molecule short of methamphetamine. Similarly, it's a stimulant (for those that don't actually have ADD) and appetite suppressant I know a lot of women in their 30s and 40s who claim to have ADD just to get the prescription for Adderall so they can keep their weight under control. It would be a magic drug if it wasn't addictive and escalating.


----------



## TXTrini

jlg07 said:


> Isn't that the character from Porky's??? !!!!!
> 
> Oh, and OUCH!!!! 🤮


I dunno. I like alliterations and names that amuse me. 


RandomDude said:


> Lol I wonder what adventures Beulah Ballbuster had before she retired
> 
> I don't even know how it works, how did your first time go?


Huh, I actually did pretty well, but don't remember the details. That was a very long time ago, like in 2001.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> Still going to see her, but she’s moving wayyyy too fast for me and that will probably ruin it, and the constant headaches are rough although I have a lot myself. Taking ADD meds worries me too. But, nobody is perfect and the old girl certainly treats me like a king so far.


Uh, you think that's a good idea?

How hot is she?


----------



## Lila

joannacroc said:


> YES. He had like 4 photos and 3 were of him traveling doing stuff related to his job (I don't want to get too specific). Old photos wouldn't bother me really unless they had changed significantly but I used photos from the last 3 or 4 months on mine so potential gentleman callers aren't shocked and horrified when Miss Havisham shows up instead of Estella.


When i did OLD, all but one of my pics were no more than 3 months old. The older one was less than 6 months old. I did it for the same reason you mention- I didn't want to shock potential gentleman callers 😂. I am proud to say the #2 compliment I typically got from my dates was that I looked just like or better than my profile pics in person. 

Thankfully, I never had a date where the person looked significantly different than their profile pics. I'm not sure how I would handle that. Have you?


----------



## Evinrude58

Lila said:


> Does she really have ADD? Adderall is a mixture of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine, one molecule short of methamphetamine. Similarly, it's a stimulant (for those that don't actually have ADD) and appetite suppressant I know a lot of women in their 30s and 40s who claim to have ADD just to get the prescription for Adderall so they can keep their weight under control. It would be a magic drug if it wasn't addictive and escalating.


I don’t know. She doesn’t have stretch marks and would look darn good in a bikini at 50 and would make most 20 yr olds jealous of her figure….. and says she has her doctor swap it out every couple of months so she doesn’t get addicted and had a bottle of some other ADD Med she has tried that wasn’t addictive that she showed me….
Smells good too, which I have found extremely rare. So it’s hard not to like her.
But the I love you, want you, etc after 1 date is really, really a red flag to me. As is the ADD meds. And the multiple easily spotted losers she seems to have fell for in the past. Who marries a long time meth addict who cheats constantly?????


----------



## TXTrini

Ok re-read these posts in this order. Please.



Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t know. She doesn’t have stretch marks and would look darn good in a bikini at 50 and would make most 20 yr olds jealous of her figure….. and says she has her doctor swap it out every couple of months so she doesn’t get addicted and had a bottle of some other ADD Med she has tried that wasn’t addictive that she showed me….
> Smells good too, which I have found extremely rare. So it’s hard not to like her.
> But the I love you, want you, etc after 1 date is really, really a red flag to me. As is the ADD meds. And the multiple easily spotted losers she seems to have fell for in the past. Who marries a long time meth addict who cheats constantly?????





Evinrude58 said:


> Still going to see her, but she’s moving wayyyy too fast for me and that will probably ruin it, and the constant headaches are rough although I have a lot myself. Taking ADD meds worries me too. But, nobody is perfect and the old girl certainly treats me like a king so far.


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t know. She doesn’t have stretch marks and would look darn good in a bikini at 50 and would make most 20 yr olds jealous of her figure….. and says she has her doctor swap it out every couple of months so she doesn’t get addicted and had a bottle of some other ADD Med she has tried that wasn’t addictive that she showed me….
> Smells good too, which I have found extremely rare. So it’s hard not to like her.
> But the I love you, want you, etc after 1 date is really, really a red flag to me. As is the ADD meds. And the multiple easily spotted losers she seems to have fell for in the past. Who marries a long time meth addict who cheats constantly?????


Why doesn't she stay on the non-addictive med then?


----------



## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> I dunno. I like alliterations and names that amuse me.


So TECHNICALLY, her character was Belulah Balbricker....
Here you go:








Nancy Parsons - Wikipedia







en.wikipedia.org





Honestly, she was brilliant in the role... If you have NOT seen Porky's you should watch it, KNOWING that it is a juvenile teen-age comedy, with all that entails.

Here is an example:





The three guys in the background are coaches, and the guy she is talking to is the principal. This was after a scene that I can't show here, and probably cannot adequately describe -- it had to do with the girls showers, and a hole in the shower wall...


FAIR WARNING: this has to do with the male, ummm, appendage....


----------



## TXTrini

jlg07 said:


> So TECHNICALLY, her character was Belulah Balbricker....
> Here you go:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nancy Parsons - Wikipedia
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> en.wikipedia.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, she was brilliant in the role... If you have NOT seen Porky's you should watch it, KNOWING that it is a juvenile teen-age comedy, with all that entails.
> 
> Here is an example:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The three guys in the background are coaches, and the guy she is talking to is the principal. This was after a scene that I can't show here, and probably cannot adequately describe -- it had to do with the girls showers, and a hole in the shower wall...
> 
> 
> FAIR WARNING: this has to do with the male, ummm, appendage....


OMG! I just laughed so hard I cried. Yes, I have the humor of a teenage boy 😂.

It looks hilarious, guess that will be a Friday night special if I can find it!

Hmmm, maybe my uncle watched it when I was around (he's only 13 yrs older) and Belulah Balbricker was implanted into my subconscious...

ETA:
It's included on Amazon Prime!


----------



## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> OMG! I just laughed so hard I cried. Yes, I have the humor of a teenage boy 😂.
> 
> It looks hilarious, guess that will be a Friday night special if I can find it!
> 
> Hmmm, maybe my uncle watched it when I was around (he's only 13 yrs older) and Belulah Balbricker was implanted into my subconscious...
> 
> ETA:
> It's included on Amazon Prime!


I was going to say it's on Prime -- a few other highlights -- the actual shower scene is a riot, and there is a scene in the gym, and "lassie" -- that's all I will say.....


----------



## farsidejunky

TXTrini said:


> How hot is she?


Do you even need to ask?

Her name is probably Tiffany.



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Openminded

farsidejunky said:


> Do you even need to ask?
> 
> Her name is probably Tiffany.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


And she probably reminds him of the Russian doctor.


----------



## TXTrini

farsidejunky said:


> Do you even need to ask?
> 
> Her name is probably Tiffany.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk





Openminded said:


> And she probably reminds him of the Russian doctor.


I was trying to get him to think about that without saying as much. 

I'm kinda fond of the dude _gives Evinrude a noogie_ 
Don't want to see you hurt, brah. You sound lonely and wistful.


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> I was trying to get him to think about that without saying as much.
> 
> I'm kinda fond of the dude _gives Evinrude a noogie_
> Don't want to see you hurt, brah. You sound lonely and wistful.


I’m not all that lonely and not anywhere near falling hopelessly for anyone. Yeah, she’s hot. Not a Tiffany. I’m to the point I like doing what I want when I’m not taking care of my kids and when I’m not, like to get projects accomplished rather than “dating”. But yeah, it would be nice to find a partner. Nothing wrong with hotness is there?


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m not all that lonely and not anywhere near falling hopelessly for anyone. Yeah, she’s hot. Not a Tiffany. I’m to the point I like doing what I want when I’m not taking care of my kids and when I’m not, like to get projects accomplished rather than “dating”. But yeah, it would be nice to find a partner. Nothing wrong with hotness is there?


Ok just checking.

I'm all for hotness, but hot & nuts are a hot mess. Announcing love on the first = super nuts.
Be careful is all I'm saying.


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m not all that lonely and not anywhere near falling hopelessly for anyone. Yeah, she’s hot. Not a Tiffany. I’m to the point I like doing what I want when I’m not taking care of my kids and when I’m not, like to get projects accomplished rather than “dating”. But yeah, it would be nice to find a partner. Nothing wrong with hotness is there?


If you know about Tiffany, you know about the Hot/Crazy Matrix - so ignore the crazy axis at your peril!!!

Also, data from the matrix should be gathered over time rather than making a conclusion from get go, reasons: from 3:00 to 3:25 ->





"Because at any moment in time, any woman that you have previously located on this chart, can VANISH from that location, and appear ANYWHERE ELSE! ... on the chart, so what you have to do, is over time, collect some data, and once you have a cluster of data points, you can begin to consider that reliable."



(Goes for both looks/craziness btw lol)
Exs were always much crazier than I thought initially / let on, I didn't know until later.


----------



## m.t.t

so I'm still seeing my girlfriend. Things are pretty great but she really doesnt have any follow through. she follows through on sex and seeing me but I can't decide if it's a really poor memory or just the way she is. Perfect example, we took our bikes for a quick ride, mine was playing up and was unrideable after 5 mins, she tells me that she did a bike maintenance course and when we get back she will take a look at it. We were a street away. 5 min later we are back and she doesn't look it over. What! I adore this person but if it was me I would so be looking even if I couldn't really help.

She is now keeping work on the house stuff at my place but has yet to help 😂 Though maybe it's because I'm not leading it. Men tend to take over and just start 

edit- came back as I realized I should be rephrasing it. She doesn't mean what she says, rather than does not have any follow through. I'm now realizing this is a bigger issue. So everything we talk about as a couple may not hold any weight.


----------



## Evinrude58

m.t.t said:


> so I'm still seeing my girlfriend. Things are pretty great but she really doesnt have any follow through. she follows through on sex and seeing me but I can't decide if it's a really poor memory or just the way she is. Perfect example, we took our bikes for a quick ride, mine was playing up and was unrideable after 5 mins, she tells me that she did a bike maintenance course and when we get back she will take a look at it. We were a street away. 5 min later we are back and she doesn't look it over. What! I adore this person but if it was me I would so be looking even if I couldn't really help.
> 
> She is now keeping work on the house stuff at my place but has yet to help 😂 Though maybe it's because I'm not leading it. Men tend to take over and just start
> 
> edit- came back as I realized I should be rephrasing it. She doesn't mean what she says, rather than does not have any follow through. I'm now realizing this is a bigger issue.* So everything we talk about as a couple may not hold any weight.*


Agreed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ev, you’ve been here long enough to know better. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Evinrude58

3Xnocharm said:


> Ev, you’ve been here long enough to know better.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Indeed


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> "Because at any moment in time, any woman that you have previously located on this chart, *can VANISH from that location, and appear ANYWHERE ELSE!* ... on the chart, so what you have to do, is over time, collect some data, and once you have a cluster of data points, you can begin to consider that reliable."


OMG...this is HYSTERICAL!!!!!! Lolol!!


----------



## Evinrude58

Very accurate as well lol


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> OMG...this is HYSTERICAL!!!!!! Lolol!!


Hahaha yeah there's a reason it went viral


----------



## RandomDude

So... ms cutie got covid 

Kinda dodged a bullet really as I'm not ready to meet anyone new, but sad. She got it from a bunch of anti-maskers/anti-vaxxers who were sick and coughing on everyone while shopping. Now I'm all for free-speech, but spreading **** around like that? ****ing trash!

Ms cutie has been a big help for me, and I'm tempted to just help out with groceries and stuff. Hope she gets well.

****ing c---s! Really pisses me off these MFs!


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Ok just checking.
> 
> I'm all for hotness, but hot & nuts are a hot mess. Announcing love on the first = super nuts.
> Be careful is all I'm saying.


The absolute hottest woman I was with before meeting my wife was a belly dancer that was in unreal condition. The sex was literally off the charts but she was one of the crappiest excuses for a human being you could find.

It was a wake up call for me and I started turning a corner after her.


----------



## LisaDiane

ConanHub said:


> The absolute hottest woman I was with before meeting my wife was a belly dancer that was in unreal condition. The sex was literally off the charts but she was one of the crappiest excuses for a human being you could find.
> 
> It was a wake up call for me and I started turning a corner after her.


I don't think I'm on the Crazy Chart, so I'm certain that I would never appeal to guys who are enticed by women who are!!

I guess I should say that upfront when I start dating...Lol!!!


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> I don't think I'm on the Crazy Chart, so I'm certain that I would never appeal to guys who are enticed by women who are!!
> 
> I guess I should say that upfront when I start dating...Lol!!!


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> I don't think I'm on the Crazy Chart, so I'm certain that I would never appeal to guys who are enticed by women who are!!
> 
> I guess I should say that upfront when I start dating...Lol!!!


Don't count on it.

According to my bf I'm crazy. I told him he's crazier then, b/c I don't see him walking away. He couldn't fault my logic and didn't bring it up again.


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> Don't count on it.
> 
> According to my bf I'm crazy. I told him he's crazier then, b/c I don't see him walking away. He couldn't fault my logic and didn't bring it up again.


Yes, but you ARE a little crazy...anyone who scares @Numb26 has some powers...Lol!!!


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> Yes, but you ARE a little crazy...anyone who scares @Numb26 has some powers...Lol!!!


Me??? I'm 5ft2, how the heck am I scary???


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> Me??? I'm 5ft2, how the heck am I scary???


You'd have to ask him!!! Lol!!

Maybe it was...THE CLAMS!!!!!!


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> Me??? I'm 5ft2, how the heck am I scary???


You are very scary. I always hide!!!


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> You'd have to ask him!!! Lol!!
> 
> Maybe it was...THE CLAMS!!!!!!


Mmmmm, clams!!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Mmmmm, clams!!!!


Lolol!!!! That's just what @TXTrini was thinking!!!!!!


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> Mmmmm, clams!!!!


Omg, that was a LONG time ago.


LisaDiane said:


> Lolol!!!! That's just what @TXTrini was thinking!!!!!!


It was the last thing on my mind!


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> Omg, that was a LONG time ago.


It was but we never forgot!!! 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> I don't think I'm on the Crazy Chart, so I'm certain that I would never appeal to guys who are enticed by women who are!!
> 
> I guess I should say that upfront when I start dating...Lol!!!


If you don't believe you are on the crazy chart, that's already +4 crazy!


----------



## EleGirl

RandomDude said:


> So... ms cutie got covid
> 
> Kinda dodged a bullet really as I'm not ready to meet anyone new, but sad. She got it from a bunch of anti-maskers/anti-vaxxers who were sick and coughing on everyone while shopping. Now I'm all for free-speech, but spreading **** around like that? ****ing trash!
> 
> Ms cutie has been a big help for me, and I'm tempted to just help out with groceries and stuff. Hope she gets well.


How bad a case does she have? How's she doing?


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> If you don't believe you are on the crazy chart, that's already +4 crazy!


I am NOT crazy!!!! Don't make me stab you!!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

EleGirl said:


> How bad a case does she have? How's she doing?


All the symptoms, she's taking care of herself now and says she is feeling better today. It seems more psychological shock and hopefully that's the extent of it.



LisaDiane said:


> I am NOT crazy!!!! Don't make me stab you!!!!!!


Lol take it as a compliment, if you weren't at least a 4 crazy we would have to start calling you a dude


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Lol take it as a compliment, if you weren't at least a 4 crazy we would have to start calling you a dude


Oh ok...I get it!!! So just by function of being a woman, I am on that chart??


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> Oh ok...I get it!!! So just by function of being a woman, I am on that chart??


Girl, the argument to use is, "it takes one to know one" 😆


----------



## LisaDiane

TXTrini said:


> Girl, the argument to use is, "it takes one to know one" 😆


Actually, I was really asking him if that's what he meant. I still think that video is one of the funniest things I've seen!

And I think I want to be on that chart, because then at least I'm not totally predictable and boring...Lol!!!

Besides, we know HE is definitely on the Crazy chart!!!!


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Actually, I was really asking him if that's what he meant. I still think that video is one of the funniest things I've seen!
> 
> And I think I want to be on that chart, because then at least I'm not totally predictable and boring...Lol!!!
> 
> Besides, we know HE is definitely on the Crazy chart!!!!


Oh, you are on the chart! 😉


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Oh, you are on the chart! 😉


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


>


To be fair, everyone's their unique strain of crazy. It's all about finding compatible or complementary crazy.


----------



## joannacroc

Have you ever had a rather ill-advised crush? Have a playdate upcoming with a group of single parents i met coincidentally and one is a single dad of a friend of my son's. I have to kind of squash down the butterflies because I don't want to do anything to impact my son by acting like an idiot high school kid with a crush. My plan is to talk to the other single moms and hopefully that'll help me avoid making a fool of myself. I blush easily. It's a curse.


----------



## joannacroc

2 upcoming dates next weekend with folks I met online so fingers crossed. This will be the first time I meet anyone in person for a first date for several years.


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> Have you ever had a rather ill-advised crush? Have a playdate upcoming with a group of single parents i met coincidentally and one is a single dad of a friend of my son's. I have to kind of squash down the butterflies because I don't want to do anything to impact my son by acting like an idiot high school kid with a crush. My plan is to talk to the other single moms and hopefully that'll help me avoid making a fool of myself. I blush easily. It's a curse.


Oh GOOD LUCK!!!!! Lol!!!

Let me know if you figure out how to resist your crush...I might need that skill...Lol!!!


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> 2 upcoming dates next weekend with folks I met online so fingers crossed. This will be the first time I meet anyone in person for a first date for several years.


Do they pay for the date, when it's a first date? I'm not judging anything, I'm really curious...I've just never dated before!

And some of the guys on here have made me think I should pay for myself on a date, and I wouldn't mind doing that because it's FAIR...right?

It's all so intimidating and confusing!!


----------



## joannacroc

LisaDiane said:


> Do they pay for the date, when it's a first date? I'm not judging anything, I'm really curious...I've just never dated before!
> 
> And some of the guys on here have made me think I should pay for myself on a date, and I wouldn't mind doing that because it's FAIR...right?
> 
> It's all so intimidating and confusing!!


God I'm so out of touch, I have no idea. In the past I have offered to pay for myself especially on a first date. They usually insist at least for first date, then after that, second date on, the person who invites pays. First dates generally it makes sense to have coffee together or drinks that way it doesn't become super expensive if don't hit it off. But I've gone on a few hiking dates in the past. So I guess you don't really pay for anything there except your vehicle permit if you're entering a national park?


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> God I'm so out of touch, I have no idea. In the past I have offered to pay for myself especially on a first date. They usually insist at least for first date, then after that, second date on, the person who invites pays. First dates generally it makes sense to have coffee together or drinks that way it doesn't become super expensive if don't hit it off. But I've gone on a few hiking dates in the past. So I guess you don't really pay for anything there except your vehicle permit if you're entering a national park?


I think hiking would be a great date!!!

I think I'm going to watch YOU do this before I dip my toes in...Lol!!
And I think I'm following the advice from @TXTrini...she's written some GREAT posts about OLD!!!


----------



## joannacroc

LisaDiane said:


> I think hiking would be a great date!!!
> 
> I think I'm going to watch YOU do this before I dip my toes in...Lol!!
> And I think I'm following the advice from @TXTrini...she's written some GREAT posts about OLD!!!


LOL. OK I'll be the guinea pig. I'll have to check hers. Maybe she can make me less silly hehe. 

Especially given some of this year's headlines for women hiking and runnning alone, if you do go hiking with someone, tell someone you know where you are going, who with and arrange a call when you get back so you have someone expecting you at a certain hour just as a precaution. I am bringing my dog with me. He is a marshmallow but he is BIG


----------



## LisaDiane

joannacroc said:


> LOL. OK I'll be the guinea pig. I'll have to check hers. Maybe she can make me less silly hehe.
> 
> Especially given some of this year's headlines for women hiking and runnning alone, if you do go hiking with someone, tell someone you know where you are going, who with and arrange a call when you get back so you have someone expecting you at a certain hour just as a precaution. I am bringing my dog with me. He is a marshmallow but he is BIG


Both of my very large boys (mid-20s) are NOT pleased at the thought of their "tiny" mom going places with strange men...Lol!!


----------



## jlg07

LisaDiane said:


> Do they pay for the date, when it's a first date? I'm not judging anything, I'm really curious...I've just never dated before!
> 
> And some of the guys on here have made me think I should pay for myself on a date, and I wouldn't mind doing that because it's FAIR...right?
> 
> It's all so intimidating and confusing!!


I hate to say this (though I don't date -- except for my wife!!!), I am a Neanderthal I guess -- IMO men should pay. That's just the way I was brought up. If the guy is that broke that he CAN'T pay for a dinner or coffee, umm.... that should tell you something. It's not like he's taking you to a $500 a plate meal...

I was also taught to hold doors open (for women especially, but I do it in general) and open the car door (which I do for my wife MOST of the time, unless we are just running quick errands.....), etc.. You know, basic manners...


----------



## Numb26

jlg07 said:


> I hate to say this (though I don't date -- except for my wife!!!), I am a Neanderthal I guess -- IMO men should pay. That's just the way I was brought up. If the guy is that broke that he CAN'T pay for a dinner or coffee, umm.... that should tell you something. It's not like he's taking you to a $500 a plate meal...
> 
> I was also taught to hold doors open (for women especially, but I do it in general) and open the car door (which I do for my wife MOST of the time, unless we are just running quick errands.....), etc.. You know, basic manners...


We are old fashioned and frowned upon now


----------



## jlg07

Yeah Numb26 -- and that SUCKS. Whatever happened to basic courtesy? I had a women yell at me for holding a door to a store open! Saying that she was perfectly capable of opening a door and just because she was a woman I thought she was "weak". I told her that I hold the doors for EVERYONE -- men included, and that is how I was taught.
Shut her up pretty quickly, but it DOES suck that folks assume that these days.


----------



## LisaDiane

jlg07 said:


> I hate to say this (though I don't date -- except for my wife!!!), I am a Neanderthal I guess -- IMO men should pay. That's just the way I was brought up. If the guy is that broke that he CAN'T pay for a dinner or coffee, umm.... that should tell you something. It's not like he's taking you to a $500 a plate meal...
> 
> I was also taught to hold doors open (for women especially, but I do it in general) and open the car door (which I do for my wife MOST of the time, unless we are just running quick errands.....), etc.. You know, basic manners...





Numb26 said:


> We are old fashioned and frowned upon now


I know, and that's very nice, but I've read SO much from the guys on here, saying it's not fair, and it's expensive!!!

And what if I don't like him?? It just seems unfair, unless we are actually in a relationship...I guess unless he wants to pay.

Like I said, all the rules and expectations are very confusing and intimidating to me...I wish I had a Twilight zone boyfriend machine!!! Lol!!


----------



## jlg07

LisaDiane said:


> I know, and that's very nice, but I've read SO much from the guys on here, saying it's not fair, and it's expensive!!!
> 
> And what if I don't like him?? It just seems unfair, unless we are actually in a relationship...I guess unless he wants to pay.
> 
> Like I said, all the rules and expectations are very confusing and intimidating to me...I wish I had a Twilight zone boyfriend machine!!! Lol!!


I have to say, what has our world come to that THIS type of stuff is the norm. LD, I CERTAINLY hope, when you are ready to date, that you meet a true gentleman who has been taught correctly by HIS parents and you don't have to deal with this crapola.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> And some of the guys on here have made me think I should pay for myself on a date, and I wouldn't mind doing that because it's FAIR...right?


It depends.

If I went out with a lady and she demanded to pay on the first date I would immediately put her into the suspicious pile. The man is supposed to pay.

So it depends on what you prefer I guess. If you want a guy who pays as is traditional then I suspect it’s a negative if the man ends up trying to split the check or something.


----------



## Numb26

ccpowerslave said:


> It depends.
> 
> If I went out with a lady and she demanded to pay on the first date I would immediately put her into the suspicious pile. The man is supposed to pay.
> 
> So it depends on what you prefer I guess. If you want a guy who pays as is traditional then I suspect it’s a negative if the man ends up trying to split the check or something.


I have always followed the rule the who ever asks the other person out is the one who pays


----------



## ccpowerslave

Numb26 said:


> I have always followed the rule the who ever asks the other person out is the one who pays


Yeah, well I am doing the asking in those cases too.

However if a woman did ask me out I would be trying to pay.

If she insisted and that was her logic I wouldn’t sort her into the suspicious pile. She would have gotten over on me on that one so the next time I would be sure to always plan and ask first haha.


----------



## In Absentia

I usually try to pay, but if the lady insists (a lot) she wants to split the bill, then fine by me...


----------



## Livvie

Numb26 said:


> I have always followed the rule the who ever asks the other person out is the one who pays


As a woman, that would make me feel less feminine and more like the male energy if I had to both ask a man out AND pay for our date.


----------



## Livvie

In Absentia said:


> I usually try to pay, but if the lady insists (a lot) she wants to split the bill, then fine by me...


How has dating been going? I'm glad you are getting out there. I know it was a long road.


----------



## LisaDiane

jlg07 said:


> I have to say, what has our world come to that THIS type of stuff is the norm. LD, I CERTAINLY hope, when you are ready to date, that you meet a true gentleman who has been taught correctly by HIS parents and you don't have to deal with this crapola.


"Crapola"...Lol!!

This is why I think I should aim for OLDER men!!! 

It's not that hopeless (yet!)...I'm just very nervous and unsure because I have NO experience with it. 
And everyone has different standards!!!! I don't want to be in the suspicious pile!!! But I don't want to be unfair either...!!


----------



## Numb26

Livvie said:


> As a woman, that would make me feel less feminine and more like the male energy if I had to both ask a man out AND pay for our date.


I understand how that could be. The last time a woman asked me out we did end up splitting the bill


----------



## Laurentium

jlg07 said:


> I have to say, what has our world come to that THIS type of stuff is the norm. LD, I CERTAINLY hope, when you are ready to date, that you meet a true gentleman who has been taught correctly by HIS parents and you don't have to deal with this crapola.


To me, I don't mind so much if I pay, or if she wants to split it, or take turns, or whatever. What's a 100% red flag is if it is seized on as an opportunity for offence-taking or snark. That's the end of that one.


----------



## Lila

Numb26 said:


> We are old fashioned and frowned upon now


Not all women frown upon chivalry. There are women, like myself, who appreciate those characteristics...as long as they are genuine.


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> I know, and that's very nice, but I've read SO much from the guys on here, saying it's not fair, and it's expensive!!!
> 
> And what if I don't like him?? It just seems unfair, unless we are actually in a relationship...I guess unless he wants to pay.
> 
> Like I said, all the rules and expectations are very confusing and intimidating to me...I wish I had a Twilight zone boyfriend machine!!! Lol!!


What is your preference? 

I promise, you'll know what they expect based on how they respond when either the bill arrives or the server asks "one check or two?".


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> What is your preference?
> 
> I promise, you'll know what they expect based on how they respond when either the bill arrives or the server asks "one check or two?".


My preference was to know before the date, so I'd bring it up and talk about it. 🙂


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> My preference was to know before the date, so I'd bring it up and talk about it. 🙂


How do you bring this up in conversation? 

I usually go in prepared to split the bill. If they pay, great. If they don't, no big deal.


----------



## Numb26

minimalME said:


> My preference was to know before the date, so I'd bring it up and talk about it. 🙂


Ok, you are paying! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 j/k


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> How do you bring this up in conversation?
> 
> I usually go in prepared to split the bill. If they pay, great. If they don't, no big deal.


I'd ask what their preferences were in terms of paying on dates.

There wasn't one man who wanted to split it or have me pay.

Correction - there was one man who let me pay, and he turned out to be quite a slimy individual.


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> I'd ask what their preferences were in terms of paying on dates.
> 
> There wasn't one man who wanted to split it or have me pay.
> 
> Correction - there was one man who let me pay, and he turned out to be quite a slimy individual.



I won't lie. I use paying on dates and chivalrous behavior in general as compatibility tests. If it's genuinely something they enjoy doing, they will do it without being told.


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> I won't lie. I use paying on dates and chivalrous behavior in general as compatibility tests. If it's genuinely something they enjoy doing, they will do it without being told.


I agree.

I asked because I knew that it was an issue that was often discussed on here, and it would've ruined the date to have had an unpleasant surprise at the end.

The man I mentioned above turned out to be the most overtly sadistic person I've ever met in my life.


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> I agree.
> 
> I asked because I knew that it was an issue that was often discussed on here, and it would've ruined the date to have had an unpleasant surprise at the end.
> 
> The man I mentioned above turned out to be the most overtly sadistic person I've ever met in my life.



Goodness gracious! What did he do? Did you see him again after that first date?


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> Goodness gracious! What did he do? Did you see him again after that first date?


Oh no - he was very charming on the first date, and then for quite a time after that.

But at some point, we went away together (in his car) for a weekend at a beach place, and he just became a monster.

I don't even remember how it started, but it was like a day of madness that I couldn't get away from (no Uber then). And no matter what I said, his replies made no sense. It was literally absurd.

He didn't physically hurt me at all. It was all verbal anger. And it left me shell shocked. I remember going to breakfast the next day, and I couldn't even talk, and he went back to normal and acted like everything was fine. Same on the drive home - he spoke to me as if nothing had happened.

When we got back to his house, he asked me if I wanted to come inside, and I just shook my head 'no', and got in my car and drove away.


----------



## TXTrini

I didn't have many first dates, so I'm not the one to advise you ladies on that. I pre-screened for attitude heavily though. There was this one guy who thought he was being "cute" who asked me for drinks in a bar inside a cinema, which I thought was weird, so I questioned the location. He admitted his apartment was next door, and I didn't like his assumption at all. He turned out to be one of those "people aren't meant to be monogamous" types, but I managed to get him to spill the beans before wasting my time going out with him. I know people generally advise not to talk too much before meeting, I did the opposite. 

As for paying, that was a mixed thing. I always had what we Trini folk call "vex money" (nowadays everyone uses credit cards, so it's not an issue) and was always prepared to handle my expenses. On two dates I suggested using my membership at a very popular public attraction, so they didn't have to pay to attend or for parking. They treated me to dinner in return.

Honestly, I don't think you'd avoid it by dating older men LD, b/c there's no cut-off age. It's all about each man's personal beliefs, and his behavior will let you know if you're both compatible or not. 

As for how scary it is to be small and female, as another small female who Ubers around a lot with many male strangers, lived and walked alone in other countries, here's a few tips.

Always look people straight in the eye and make conversation, do not shrink and loot intimidated. Your body language can betray you as prey and draw predators.
If you don't like how someone is behaving or you get a "bad feeling", you excuse yourself and GTFO stat. 
Always have something in your bag (or your bag) to defend yourself. I have mace and my bag is sturdy and heavy enough that it can be a lethal weapon. In Ubers, never sit in the front, sit in the back, you can wrap the straps around their head and strangle them if they're taking you where they shouldn't.

Pretty much, walk around like you own the place and never show fear. Always be observant and don't drink, you need your judgment intact. I know some men might be offended, and I'm sorry, but it is too dangerous for single females, especially physically smaller ones not to be careful.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> I won't lie. I use paying on dates and chivalrous behavior in general as compatibility tests. If it's genuinely something they enjoy doing, they will do it without being told.


I think I would use it as a guide for how generous and laid-back they are.

Well, MAYBE, because that can also be misleading...maybe people who seem to be one way with new people turn into something quite the opposite after they feel more comfortable.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> What is your preference?
> 
> I promise, you'll know what they expect based on how they respond when either the bill arrives or the server asks "one check or two?".


I don't have a preference, I guess. I don't mind paying for myself, as long as he doesn't insist on eating somewhere super-expensive, that I would never choose.

Again, maybe his ATTITUDE about paying and money should be what I pay attention to more.


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> I don't have a preference, I guess. I don't mind paying for myself, as long as he doesn't insist on eating somewhere super-expensive, that I would never choose.
> 
> Again, maybe his ATTITUDE about paying and money should be what I pay attention to more.


So decide together where to go and tell him if it's out of your budget. That'll either prompt a venue change or he'll say it's his treat. You're going to have to be assertive, dating in middle age is way different from when we were idealistic young folk.

Keep in mind he may not know your background and means, and wouldn't know if something is beyond your budget if you don't speak up. Even in relationships, you're two separate financial entities with different budgets, commitments, and priorities, so you will have to speak up when you can't do something.


----------



## Openminded

I’ve never done OLD and the people I date are people I know (somewhat anyway). My own rule is that whoever asks is the person who’s footing the bill. And that applies whether it’s very inexpensive or very expensive. The guy always paid back in the Dark Ages when I began dating. I’m still dating men from my generation but different times, different rules. I have noticed that if I pay for something expensive on one date they top that on the next date.🙂


----------



## RandomDude

Splitting the bill is such a bloody awkward hassle. I would rather double the bill and pay it than have such an awkward conversation at the end of a date. Way to ruin the mood.

Give and take is best, I would pay and keep paying and keep an eye out for her contribution, if she takes it for granted/sees it as an expectation than I would drop her but overwhelmingly women (at least the ones I've dated) have the initiative to give and take.

You know the saying? Relationships should be 100%/100% not 50%/50%?
In the end give and take is 100/100 for both. Splitting is like both parties going half-arse into it with 50/50. Just my opinion anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> I usually try to pay, but if the lady insists (a lot) she wants to split the bill, then fine by me...


I would insist. 

Ex and I used to have a game with this though, we 'shotgun' paying. If another woman does that I'm game.

But if she insists on splitting I'm out. I can't stand people that calculative and stingy over a bloody night out. Like sheez.


----------



## Lila

Can someone please explain to me why the following opinion makes people uncomfortable? 

I was chatting with a group of single friends this weekend and the topic of goals came up. Most of them spoke of travel plans, or finding their next relationship, or getting that big promotion, or getting grandkids ( how that's a personal goal is beyond me). I said, as I have said since my divorce, that i really don't have any goals left to accomplish. I explained that I have lived an excellent and colorful life. I have accomplished my goals - raised a great kid, enjoyed a long marriage (it ended but it was good while it lasted), built a successful career, accrued material things, enjoyed traveling to places most people only dream of, and have built great relationships with friends and extended family. I couldn't ask for more. Why does this seem to bother people so much?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation. 

I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow. 

But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me. 

I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that. 

What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy. 

Your guys thoughts are appreciated! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

@Lila it seems people have been programmed to think that if you lack those kinds of goals, then your life is pointless. I disagree. I think it’s an amazing thing to find and have contentment in your life. If your life is working for you, then that is what is important, not what those others think. Plus we all change over time, so there will be times that come along and you’ll find yourself wanting things or experiences. Just enjoy the contentment you have now, and don’t let others take your peace. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I will give you the advice that has been given to me. If you see a possible solution to your issues and want to see how receptive he is to your concerns, then communicate your feelings. However, if this relationship is not making you happy, and you don't see a future with this guy, then let this one go. You seem to be enjoying your "you" time.


----------



## minimalME

@3Xnocharm, this doesn’t sound good to me. 😔


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> I won't lie. I use paying on dates and chivalrous behavior in general as compatibility tests. If it's genuinely something they enjoy doing, they will do it without being told.


I agree. Some women will hate it and others will hate the absence of it.

I remember when I started going out with my wife we went to Chevy’s a lot and we would go with her family sometimes and I would always pay. Well I wasn’t a big baller at the time so this money started adding up. I never said anything but after a while she was like uh can I pay this time? 

I was like hmmm… I’m not sure! I feel kind of weird after all I’m the man! I can pay!

So I guess I am maybe 5% feminist or something because I let her pay.

Well it turns out with her family now we (I) always pay. Some of them are irritated because I am a sneaky cheat SOB and I will tell the server on the DL if they hand me the check directly I will give them cash off the books. So I have paid for meals that her relatives wanted to pay for by stealth cheater methods. My wife loves this and laughs about it in the car later. We are peas in a pod.


----------



## Lila

ccpowerslave said:


> I agree. Some women will hate it and others will hate the absence of it.



This is very true. I have read many posts by women suggesting I am a dinosaur for enjoying chivalrous behavior from men. It's not something I expect, ever, but there is no denying I am much more attracted to men who open doors, pull seats, check with me to make sure I made it home safely, and yes, pay the check. I'm sure this is more a reflection of watching my dad do this for my mom.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> This is very true. I have read many posts by women suggesting I am a dinosaur for enjoying chivalrous behavior from men. It's not something I expect, ever, but there is no denying I am much more attracted to men who open doors, pull seats, check with me to make sure I made it home safely, and yes, pay the check. I'm sure this is more a reflection of watching my dad do this for my mom.


I’m sure that is part of it. If you walk around and open the car door for her and close it behind when she is situated and other moves that are unusual in today’s day and age I find my wife loves it. 

She likes both actually. She likes the red carpet treatment from me but she also likes that I can notice when she doesn’t want it and I skip it in those cases.

Overall though she is traditional, which is where I think it is part of the sorting process. She has told me straight up she expects and always expected me to provide a lifestyle where she can be “kept in style” and I always wanted to provide for her so she never worried about money and it worked out.

Yesterday we had a 5 hour drive and we listened to one of her podcasts with Anderson Cooper where he was being interviewed by some famous guy she likes. Dax Shepherd? Something like that. It devolved into a discussion of “mo money mo problems” and we were talking about life in general.

I remarked how I always do exactly what I want. I have never felt limited in what I do ever. If I did, I changed it.

She acknowledged it and then got mad because she said well I didn’t do that or I’d be divorced!

It was an interesting car ride hahah.


----------



## RandomDude

@3Xnocharm

You must live in the country... 45 minutes is a big commute? That's my day to day - one trip  (That's also why I watch Netflix in the car...)


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m sure that is part of it. If you walk around and open the car door for her and close it behind when she is situated and other moves that are unusual in today’s day and age I find my wife loves it.
> 
> She likes both actually. She likes the red carpet treatment from me but she also likes that I can notice when she doesn’t want it and I skip it in those cases.
> 
> Overall though she is traditional, which is where I think it is part of the sorting process. She has told me straight up she expects and always expected me to provide a lifestyle where she can be “kept in style” and I always wanted to provide for her so she never worried about money and it worked out.
> 
> Yesterday we had a 5 hour drive and we listened to one of her podcasts with Anderson Cooper where he was being interviewed by some famous guy she likes. Dax Shepherd? Something like that. It devolved into a discussion of “mo money mo problems” and we were talking about life in general.
> 
> I remarked how I always do exactly what I want. I have never felt limited in what I do ever. If I did, I changed it.
> 
> She acknowledged it and then got mad because she said well I didn’t do that or I’d be divorced!
> 
> It was an interesting car ride hahah.


From time to time I like to pretend to be chivalrous, then let the door slam in their face as I walk through. 

Sorry, but I ain't no white knight  Have to amuse myself sometimes...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> @3Xnocharm
> 
> You must live in the country... 45 minutes is a big commute? That's my day to day - one trip  (That's also why I watch Netflix in the car...)


Lol! I know for some this isn’t a big deal, but I find this distance is completely inconvenient when it comes to a relationship. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## PieceOfSky

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Any chance your ambivalence is a defense mechanism of sorts? Not saying it is. It’s just that when someone wants or feels contradictory things, maybe there is something unresolved going on under the surface. ( Maybe I’ve been watching too much Seinfeld recently.)

Why not tell him you want to get to know him better, “by having different sorts of conversations than we've been having”, and see how he reacts? Or even tell him of your conflicted feelings about how it’s been going?

YMMV. I don’t know much about dating, and probably never did.


----------



## m.t.t

Lila said:


> Can someone please explain to me why the following opinion makes people uncomfortable?
> 
> I was chatting with a group of single friends this weekend and the topic of goals came up. Most of them spoke of travel plans, or finding their next relationship, or getting that big promotion, or getting grandkids ( how that's a personal goal is beyond me). I said, as I have said since my divorce, that i really don't have any goals left to accomplish. I explained that I have lived an excellent and colorful life. I have accomplished my goals - raised a great kid, enjoyed a long marriage (it ended but it was good while it lasted), built a successful career, accrued material things, enjoyed traveling to places most people only dream of, and have built great relationships with friends and extended family. I couldn't ask for more. Why does this seem to bother people so much?


hard to tell but I'm guessing that these are the people that ones that don't know how to just sit in their happiness, so they could be envious of your wholeness. Also and I get this a little you didn't play along with everyone else. You were meant to also be like them and play the game the game of wanting. They had to reflect on their own choices and why they were not happy with their lot. You came across as strong and happy. It intimidates others. 

Side note, I'm happy for you


----------



## m.t.t

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week.* He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this,* I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hmm, any chance that ticking all the boxes are great but there is a deeper compatibility issue? The emotional one? 

The bold - could it be resentful. Why should I give up my time for you if you are not ... 

He sounds lovely but maybe you not stimulated enough or emotionally connected enough.

You know I make vast mistakes, This is just my gut feel for what you wrote x


----------



## In Absentia

Livvie said:


> How has dating been going? I'm glad you are getting out there. I know it was a long road.


Not very well... after coming back from my trips abroad, I've had a few health issues (not major, but...) so I haven't been able to do anything on that front... it sucks.


----------



## Personal

In Absentia said:


> Not very well...


I hope you find someone who is fun to be with and enjoys your company.


----------



## In Absentia

Personal said:


> I hope you find someone who is fun to be with and enjoys your company.


As long as they don't think that man-buns are evil!


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Can someone please explain to me why the following opinion makes people uncomfortable?
> 
> I was chatting with a group of single friends this weekend and the topic of goals came up. Most of them spoke of travel plans, or finding their next relationship, or getting that big promotion, or getting grandkids ( how that's a personal goal is beyond me). I said, as I have said since my divorce, that i really don't have any goals left to accomplish. I explained that I have lived an excellent and colorful life. I have accomplished my goals - raised a great kid, enjoyed a long marriage (it ended but it was good while it lasted), built a successful career, accrued material things, enjoyed traveling to places most people only dream of, and have built great relationships with friends and extended family. I couldn't ask for more. Why does this seem to bother people so much?


You didn't say how you knew they were uncomfortable with your feelings, maybe they were just trying to talk about future plans as a way of connecting with eachother? And when you didn't join in, they didn't feel a sense of connection to you?

Like it or not, humans prefer SAMENESS in their relationships. I ran into this ALL the time when I was homeschooling my kids. My sisters and their friends would lay out all these plans they had for their children (none of which came true, BTW), and I would just sit there and listen and if anyone asked me, I always answered honestly, "I don't really know what we are going to do, I suppose I will let them choose their own paths as they have more choices!", with a happy smile on my face.

Guess what I got back....SILENCE. Lol!!! A few would bravely question my wisdom, and I always mildly and confidently maintained my nonchalance. But EVERYONE hated it. My mom even told me once that I shouldn't be homeschooling because it made HER uncomfortable when her friends asked about how my kids were doing...HUH??? Lol!!!!

You need to be ok with the fact that you are either different, or you are honest about it. Those are two AWESOME qualities in my humble opinion!!! So own it and be proud of it!


----------



## LisaDiane

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Do you think it's possible that he is simply following YOUR lead with how the relationship is supposed to progress? Your post sounds like you have set all the boundaries where you want them, and he's not pressuring you or pushing on them, so maybe he just doesn't KNOW that you want something different, and he will be open to changing your dynamic too.

Here's the thing...having relationships is all about working through these kinds of things - different expectations, differing needs, changing our minds, etc etc - so you are going to run into these very problems in one form or another in ANY relationship you choose to be in. Even friendships!! 

Can you keep things casual and continue your life the way it's been, and just enjoy his company when you both find the time, and not pressure yourselves or the relationship? Maybe you guys are just friends with attraction?
You said he's been cool about not pressuring you for sex, are you even having sex?

Did you enjoy your life better when you were alone? Would ANY relationship be troublesome for you...or just one with HIM...?


----------



## LisaDiane

Personal said:


> I hope you find someone who is fun to be with and enjoys your company.





In Absentia said:


> As long as they don't think that man-buns are evil!


And want LOTS OF SEX!!!!!!


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> You didn't say how you knew they were uncomfortable with your feelings, maybe they were just trying to talk about future plans as a way of connecting with eachother? And when you didn't join in, they didn't feel a sense of connection to you?
> 
> Like it or not, humans prefer SAMENESS in their relationships. I ran into this ALL the time when I was homeschooling my kids. My sisters and their friends would lay out all these plans they had for their children (none of which came true, BTW), and I would just sit there and listen and if anyone asked me, I always answered honestly, "I don't really know what we are going to do, I suppose I will let them choose their own paths as they have more choices!", with a happy smile on my face.
> 
> Guess what I got back....SILENCE. Lol!!! A few would bravely question my wisdom, and I always mildly and confidently maintained my nonchalance. But EVERYONE hated it. My mom even told me once that I shouldn't be homeschooling because it made HER uncomfortable when her friends asked about how my kids were doing...HUH??? Lol!!!!
> 
> You need to be ok with the fact that you are either different, or you are honest about it. Those are two AWESOME qualities in my humble opinion!!! So own it and be proud of it!


I think they are worried about me. They think that because I do not have life goals that I must be giving up on life. That's not it at all but if Death knocked on my door today, I would have no trouble answering it. That makes people uncomfortable.I do wonder if it's because we are all so focused on moving forward that staying still and saying "nah, I'm good" freaks people out.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> I think they are worried about me. They think that because I do not have life goals that I must be giving up on life. That's not it at all but if Death knocked on my door today, I would have no trouble answering it. That makes people uncomfortable.I do wonder if it's because we are all so focused on moving forward that staying still and saying "nah, I'm good" freaks people out.


How long have you been friends with them? Maybe they are seeing a change in your attitude that you don't notice has taken place...?

You have sounded hopeless about some of your dating failures recently, and you said you've told them about those as well. Maybe they are hearing a sense of giving up on your hopes and dreams, and their discomfort is really concern.


----------



## minimalME

Lila said:


> I think they are worried about me. They think that because I do not have life goals that I must be giving up on life. That's not it at all but if Death knocked on my door today, I would have no trouble answering it. That makes people uncomfortable*.I do wonder if it's because we are all so focused on moving forward that staying still and saying "nah, I'm good" freaks people out.*


I completely agree with you. It bothers people a lot.


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> How long have you been friends with them? Maybe they are seeing a change in your attitude that you don't notice has taken place...?
> 
> You have sounded hopeless about some of your dating failures recently, and you said you've told them about those as well. Maybe they are hearing a sense of giving up on your hopes and dreams, and their discomfort is really concern.


Maybe but I would have thought that would have made them happy. I'm no longer chasing a pipe dream but I am also not replacing it with anything else.


----------



## Livvie

In Absentia said:


> As long as they don't think that man-buns are evil!


Do you have a man bun!?

I know they get ragged on here, but I have seen some truly hot masculine men with them!


----------



## Evinrude58

I think 45 min away is pretty close. And when I was dating my ex wife, and my ex fiancée, I was wanting to be close to them so badly that I would drive 50 min and stay to the last minute, get home at eleven, and go to work…. And loved it. If you don’t care about some one enough that you’re starving to see them—- it’s just not worth pursuing. I’d break it off. Sounds like a cool guy, but you’re just not into one another enough. He’s wanting his me time too! Just because they’re great on paper, and are great— you can’t make yourself love someone. Annoying, isn’t it!??


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Maybe but I would have thought that would have made them happy. I'm no longer chasing a pipe dream but I am also not replacing it with anything else.


Are you HAPPY doing that though? Maybe they are picking up on something that you are trying to pretend you aren't feeling?


----------



## In Absentia

Livvie said:


> Do you have a man bun!?
> 
> I know they get ragged on here, but I have seen some truly hot masculine men with them!


No, I don't have one, although I could have one if I wanted, since I still have all of my hair. That's a thought...


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> Are you HAPPY doing that though? Maybe they are picking up on something that you are trying to pretend you aren't feeling?



Ooh I think you've just answered my question. I'm not happy or sad, just indifferent. This is new to them. They need time to get used to it. 

You were right from the beginning. Thank you.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Ooh I think you've just answered my question. I'm not happy or sad, just indifferent. This is new to them. They need time to get used to it.
> 
> You were right from the beginning. Thank you.


Your welcome!!

I'm sure to some people, indifference can look like depression. Once they see you are actually happy making your choices, they won't be worried about your mindset anymore.


----------



## Affaircare

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!


@3Xnocharm,

First I'll just say that when @Emerging Buddhist and I were dating, we lived 7 hours apart, and my work was much more flexible than his, so I drove 7 hours on Friday afternoon, spent the weekend to visit, and drove home as late as possible on Sunday night. During the week, we would say good morning to each other, share the occasional post throughout the day, turn on FaceTime and make our dinners together, share some posts through the night, and then say good night to each other. Now, there were times that I second-guessed myself wondering if it was mutual and was I doing all the work--you know that sort of questioning. And what I learned is that it was mutual: Love is significance. 

Next, it sounds like you and this guy had a very good time being fairly casual, and by that I mean seeing each other now and then on a weekend, chatting fairly lightly, and as you said "Going pretty slow." Okay--maybe that's the relationship he now thinks the two of you have: fairly casual. If you want something different or deeper than what had been the case in the past, I think you need to speak up. See, if you have acted in the past couple months (about 1-2 months, right?) like fairly casual and pretty slow is good for you, then that's the message he got. Fairly Casual = Good. And if you'd like it to progress, then you need to express that's what you'd like! Furthermore, if you want it to progress that also means that you need to act like that too. So for example, you don't love the 45 minutes apart, but since you're more into him, you'd make him the priority and just do the drive in order to be together. So get your words and actions in congruence: both saying the same thing. You want more? Say it...and act it by giving more too.

P.S. I'm not suggesting that you give unequally--in fact, I'd recommend that you see some mutuality. But in real life, you can't be acting fairly casual and expecting...and expect him to act all interested and pursuing. Some of this has to be you saying, "Here's what I feel...here's what I would like to request..." and some of this has to be you acting a little more interested too. Know what I mean?


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

You don't know how often those "drive home Sundays" extended to "maybe I'll leave Wednesday"... 

She was definitely the "Leslie Knope" part of the relationship... come to think of it, that hasn't changed really. 

Early on when we were first dating my job was insane. That is not said lightly, I was working 12-14 hr days for my organization then trying to get a house ready to sell post-divorce which complicated things. I would get home between 8-9 PM to have dinner and crash to have to do it all again and this went on from May through September that year we started dating.

It was tough, and I know at times AC questioned her effort feeling my time and attention wasn't all hers as she desired it, and in all honesty at times it wasn't simply because it couldn't be without a sacrifice that wasn't healthy for many things. What was healthy was our communication for in the same honesty, my time for her when it was hers, was all hers and she could see that with clarity.

One can't say "trust the process" if there is no trust, and in that process of trust was I was very transparent where I was, how I was doing it, a clear picture when the time we couldn't talk was, and when we could, the time was hers. Love is significance, and significance is connection. It may sound silly, but when we could not be together we woke to another, had lunch together, wrapped up the workday together, walked together, had dinner together, watched movies together, and went to bed together via FaceTime... my routine was our routine as we learned to believe in another by our actions.

At times one's heart aches to have that physical presence but ideas were shared to help through this period as we built trust. For me, my reference was like a series of mini-deployments and I outlined that so she could see how I was no less committed when the time was thin, but the heart wants what the heart wants and we have have to befriend it or lose it.

When those times of challenge came, I would ask her to her to remember who I am... do my actions match my words, and as we woke to a new day and slept for the next, the process was trusted and each deployment closed as each visit together became longer and longer until that fall I trusted the love our process had built and asked her to stay for the Winter, no more apart like this. 

Well, the rest speaks for itself as we are closing our third year of marriage.

Expectations are fair... unspoken expectations may not be as much. 

Communicated expectations are best and the right effort.


----------



## WandaJ

One month in and already 18 pages! nice. I have to admit that now, being happily single, I am having hard time now coming back to TAM - there is so much misery, and when you read those posts, you know that in probably 80 or more percent things will not get better, or just a little bit, and these people will stay in those relationships. I just want to scream at all of them: "get out! there is life out there", lol . I know, I was one of them for years. .

My after-divorce dating is different than most.I have left behind my dysfunctional, "walk on eggshells" marriage of twenty five years I am so happy now, so relaxed, that it is visible to all my friends and aquiantances around. I am also on a big sexual self-exploration journey and finally following all my fantasies and desires. I can feel the weight of taboos, and restrictions just falling off me and that's affecting not just my sexual life, but all parts of my life. I am meeting great, smart people going through their journeys, and it is amazing how many people feel like they started their real life in their middle age, after divorce. I am not the only one.
Just last Sunday I closed all my dating apps - I have came to conclusion that I am not ready for that kind of commitment yet. I still want to explore and I do not think I can ever go back to vanilla lifestyle. It would be great to find a partner to explore with me, but that might take time. At this time I am also still enjoying my freedom, doing whatever I want, cooking or not, cleaning or not, not having to explain myself to anyone, not worrying about anyone's moods (oh, well besides my teenagers, lol). I do not feel lonely when kids are at the ex's and I am by myself. I sip my coffee looking at the lake behind my new house, read, go out with friends, go for a walk or a bike ride. Re-discovering little pleasures in life.
I have started blog, and enjoy writing on there about whatever fifty years old divorced, kinky lady wants: divorce, freedom, sex, BDSM, swinging, kids, excercise, posting beautiful pictures or short erotica stories. I found that project has been very therapeutic to me.

I hope everybody on here will eventually find what they are looking for. I have learnt during this year of online dating, that you need to develop thick skin to survive it, and kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.... Be patient, and do not overlook the red flags. We all on here know how that ends. Good luck
!


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Can someone please explain to me why the following opinion makes people uncomfortable?
> 
> I was chatting with a group of single friends this weekend and the topic of goals came up. Most of them spoke of travel plans, or finding their next relationship, or getting that big promotion, or getting grandkids ( how that's a personal goal is beyond me). I said, as I have said since my divorce, that i really don't have any goals left to accomplish. I explained that I have lived an excellent and colorful life. I have accomplished my goals - raised a great kid, enjoyed a long marriage (it ended but it was good while it lasted), built a successful career, accrued material things, enjoyed traveling to places most people only dream of, and have built great relationships with friends and extended family. I couldn't ask for more. Why does this seem to bother people so much?


I don't know, girl.

Someone recently asked me what my goals were, and I couldn't answer that question. I've been thinking about it a lot, but the simple answer is, I've been in survival mode for so long, I am quite content to relax and enjoy the blessings in my life and am grateful for everything wonderful and will deal with things as they come.

I think you sound like you're in a great place. One thing I've found is, people don't know how to just be content in the moment they always have to be reaching for the next thing.


----------



## TXTrini

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


How long have you two been seeing each other? You know, my guy and I live about the same distance from each other and spend weekends together. At first, it was every other weekend, that only changed last July. But we text/talk most days. Getting to know each other was a gradual process, but we were ok with that.

What do you want? More time? More commitment? Sex? I read what you wrote and I couldn't figure that out. 
Have you talked to him about this to see what he thinks?


----------



## WandaJ

3Xnocharm said:


> So I thought I’d share so that I can maybe get some input/opinions on my current situation.
> 
> I am still seeing the guy I posted about not long ago. He lives about 45 minutes away from me and that is something I don’t like and swore I wouldn’t get into again. But I really like him so got into this anyway. We don’t see each other very much at all. (This weekend was the first time we actually saw each other all year because I got sick, and then got Covid) Usually only on the weekend, sometimes only every other weekend. Now this had been working for me, because I’ve been determined to take this slow.
> 
> But now it’s bothering me. He works up near my area but never takes time to see me during the week. He works a ton of overtime then makes the drive home. So this makes me feel like he’s not making time for me, and it’s also making me feel an obligation on the weekends and I’m not liking that. I find that I am very reluctant to give up my me time. I am feeling very conflicted by all this, I mean it doesn’t make sense… being bothered by lack of time with him and not wanting to give up my time, all at the same time. This is weird and new to me.
> 
> I also feel like he’s not really trying to get to know me very well. While we text every day, there are no “real” conversations that are getting to know each other. He’s not very open. This all feels very out of sight, out of mind in a way. I enjoy the time we spend together but there really isn’t anything beyond that.
> 
> What keeps me from just giving up on this is that he is pretty great. He has done pretty much everything right.. he’s the one who initially reached out, asked me out, and even usually pays when we do go out. I am attracted to him, he’s a big guy with awesome dimples and smells great. He is extremely affectionate and isn’t being pushy about sex. Doesn’t smoke, barely drinks, no drugs. He checks a lot of my good boxes so I hate to just say forget this. But I’m just not sure a relationship is what I want at this point. That freaks me out a little because I’ve always been one to want someone on my life.. the universe has brought me something good and now I’m not sure I want it, what even is this?? I worry about having a lot of regret if I give up on this, because he is such a great guy.
> 
> Your guys thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It sounds like you are conflicted about it. You do no want to give up your time, but you are upset that he doesn't give up his time after work. Then he wants to spend weekends together, but you do not want to give them up. 

why not enjoy your weeknight that belong to you, enjoy your freedom, and then enjoy time together on weekends? Or if you want to have some of the weekends for yourself, can you ask him to stop by after work and spend a night?

At the same time it is completely ok to take break from relationship, and just focus on yourself for a while. I think if he was really the guy you want, you would not have those doubts. just because he pays for dates, smells good and doesn't do drugs doesn't mean he is THE guy for you.

take it slowly, no need to rush any decisions, right?


----------



## joannacroc

Livvie said:


> Do you have a man bun!?
> 
> I know they get ragged on here, but I have seen some truly hot masculine men with them!


I totally misread that - in the plural man buns have a rather different connotation  . Thought that was an odd thing to disclose til I realized you were talking about a Jon Snow haha


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TXTrini said:


> I don't know, girl.
> 
> Someone recently asked me what my goals were, and I couldn't answer that question. I've been thinking about it a lot, but the simple answer is, I've been in survival mode for so long, I am quite content to relax and enjoy the blessings in my life and am grateful for everything wonderful and will deal with things as they come.


Wow this is me too. My entire adult life has been survival mode. I am finally making a salary where I am not in constant panic mode and am enjoying just BEING. I have moments of fear of it all going away, but i make myself focus on being grateful for what I have when that happens. It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy, and I think that’s a positive attribute as it allows contentment. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow this is me too. My entire adult life has been survival mode. I am finally making a salary where I am not in constant panic mode and am enjoying just BEING. I have moments of fear of it all going away, but i make myself focus on being grateful for what I have when that happens. It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy, and I think that’s a positive attribute as it allows contentment.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Congrats! Maybe sock away some for a rainy day to ease that worry? I think many people, especially lately share those fears, I know I have. 

You know I was made fun of for being easily content, as boring, but I'd rather be happy than miserable. It's always the little things that make life beautiful, everything else is the cherry on top.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> You know I was made fun of for being easily content, as boring, but I'd rather be happy than miserable. It's always the little things that make life beautiful, everything else is the cherry on top.


I agree. I was poked fun at for saying the best thing my wife gave me was warm socks, but I really had an emotional reaction to those socks.

I have been thinking about this a lot since this past weekend. My wife said something quite mean to me because right now I think we’re off kilter in terms of what we value.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> I agree. I was poked fun at for saying the best thing my wife gave me was warm socks, but I really had an emotional reaction to those socks.
> 
> I have been thinking about this a lot since this past weekend. My wife said something quite mean to me because right now I think we’re off kilter in terms of what we value.


Well I like warm socks! Even better are warm towels on a cold day. Especially when someone else thinks of and provides them.

One way to be less disappointed in others for not showing you the same considerations or thinking like you, period, is to not go looking for you in someone else.


----------



## RebuildingMe

So the bunny boiler from the furniture store won’t quit. She still texting crap like “this is not over” and “can we still be friends”. Holy Jesus, we never even went out. I’ve responded “let’s keep it professional” in hopes that I still get my furniture. People are bat chitt crazy.


----------



## SunCMars

TXTrini said:


> One thing I've found is, people don't know how to just be content in the moment they always have to be reaching for the next thing.


 I agree with you that many (near sighted folks) are rarely content with anything, even in those good moments.

And, always looking forward to the next relationship cannot be healthy.

That said....

Reaching for the next best thing can be a good thing.
It keeps the mind and body active.
It is part of maintaining hope for the future.

We do not want to become static, stagnant or stale.


----------



## SunCMars

It is often that riff, that valley, that depression that prevents people from seeing that the Sun always rises.



_KB-_


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> So the bunny boiler from the furniture store won’t quit. She still texting crap like “this is not over” and “can we still be friends”. Holy Jesus, we never even went out. I’ve responded “let’s keep it professional” in hopes that I still get my furniture. People are bat chitt crazy.


Dude, that's nuts!

You really dodged a bullet there! Why is she so invested, she doesn't know you.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Dude, that's nuts!
> 
> You really dodged a bullet there! Why is she so invested, she doesn't know you.


Good question. Maybe because I walked in and bought 12k worth of furniture in an hour? Maybe she thinks I have money, a house, a good job? She ran my credit because they were offering interest free for 5 years. So she has my SSN, DOB, address, credit score, etc. She’s clearly a middle aged, desperate woman. I just want my furniture and never speak to her again. I had to put my cell number on the application. She grabbed it and started texting me from her personal cell within days of me leaving the store. Crazy


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Good question. Maybe because I walked in and bought 12k worth of furniture in an hour? Maybe she thinks I have money, a house, a good job? She ran my credit because they were offering interest free for 5 years. So she has my SSN, DOB, address, credit score, etc. She’s clearly a middle aged, desperate woman. I just want my furniture and never speak to her again. I had to put my cell number on the application. She grabbed it and started texting me from her personal cell within days of me leaving the store. Crazy


I don't suppose there's anyone else you could deal with? How long until your delivery? Kinda tough now to report her to corporate because you did ask her out.


----------



## jlg07

Just get your stuff then block her. In the meantime, just don't respond to anything that isn't about the delivery.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I don't suppose there's anyone else you could deal with? How long until your delivery? Kinda tough now to report her to corporate because you did ask her out.





jlg07 said:


> Just get your stuff then block her. In the meantime, just don't respond to anything that isn't about the delivery.


Agree. I’m not reporting her. Sicko has my address and has probably stalked me on social media. Most of my stuff is supposed to be delivered this weekend. I have a few tables and stuff that is supposed to be in next month. I did ask her out. Big mistake.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Agree. I’m not reporting her. Sicko has my address and has probably stalked me on social media. Most of my stuff is supposed to be delivered this weekend. I have a few tables and stuff that is supposed to be in next month. I did ask her out. Big mistake.


Hope it goes well! I would personally blacklight everything but I have extreme prejudice against cooties  

Next time don't sh1t where you buy your stuff 😂 at least until you get it! Live and learn, right?


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Hope it goes well! I would personally blacklight everything but I have extreme prejudice against cooties
> 
> Next time don't sh1t where you buy your stuff 😂 at least until you get it! Live and learn, right?


50 years old and believe me, I’m still learning. People act strangely when they are desperate. I had no idea how desperate she was🤷‍♂️🤮


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> 50 years old and believe me, I’m still learning. People act strangely when they are desperate. I had no idea how desperate she was🤷‍♂️🤮


I thought she "got hit on" all day long...?? Lol!!


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

RebuildingMe said:


> So the bunny boiler from the furniture store won’t quit. She still texting crap like “this is not over” and “can we still be friends”. Holy Jesus, we never even went out. I’ve responded “let’s keep it professional” in hopes that I still get my furniture. People are bat chitt crazy.


Whao she is being stalkerish. Keep all texts etc. It doesn't matter you asked her out, you changed your mind which you are allowed to do, because of the red flags. Any further texts after you saying about keeping professional needs to be saved. She seems unstable so be careful.


----------



## lifeistooshort

LisaDiane said:


> I thought she "got hit on" all day long...?? Lol!!


Well in the words of Sheldon Cooper......

"*****es be crazy" 😅


----------



## PieceOfSky

RebuildingMe said:


> So the bunny boiler from the furniture store won’t quit. She still texting crap like “this is not over” and “can we still be friends”. Holy Jesus, we never even went out. I’ve responded “let’s keep it professional” in hopes that I still get my furniture. People are bat chitt crazy.


I’d be doing a criminal background check on her. And signing up for identity theft insurance. And installing video surveillance at my home.


----------



## RebuildingMe

PieceOfSky said:


> I’d be doing a criminal background check on her. And signing up for identity theft insurance. And installing video surveillance at my home.


I’ve thought of video surveillance for the ex, never thought I’d need it for a furniture saleswoman. People say OLD is crap, I can tell you there’s crap all around right now.


----------



## WandaJ

RebuildingMe said:


> Good question. Maybe because I walked in and bought 12k worth of furniture in an hour? Maybe she thinks I have money, a house, a good job? She ran my credit because they were offering interest free for 5 years. So she has my SSN, DOB, address, credit score, etc. She’s clearly a middle aged, desperate woman. I just want my furniture and never speak to her again. I had to put my cell number on the application. She grabbed it and started texting me from her personal cell within days of me leaving the store. Crazy


I am not sure tgis is even legal for her to do that, for sure not professional. Can you talk to the manager?


----------



## Livvie

It's crappy when professionals take it too far. And I agree, online dating may get a bad reputation but bad dating stuff happens in the natural world, too.

During my divorce the MEDIATOR got my work number from my documents and called me at work to ask me out!!! He could have gotten my whole divorce settlement thrown out doing that.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I’ve thought of video surveillance for the ex, never thought I’d need it for a furniture saleswoman. People say OLD is crap, I can tell you there’s crap all around right now.


Are you still seeing your "EX" here and there too?


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Are you still seeing your "EX" here and there too?


Unfortunately I am. And it doesn't help things


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Unfortunately I am. And it doesn't help things


Wait...WHAT???

Not your ex-wife...?


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Wait...WHAT???
> 
> Not your ex-wife...?


Have to see her when she has visitation with the kids


----------



## Numb26

LisaDiane said:


> Wait...WHAT???
> 
> Not your ex-wife...?


Not "seeing" her as in dating.


----------



## SunCMars

> @RebuildingMe
> 
> Good question. Maybe because I walked in and bought 12k worth of furniture in an hour? Maybe she thinks I have money, a house, a good job? She ran my credit because they were offering interest free for 5 years. So she has my SSN, DOB, address, credit score, etc. She’s clearly a middle aged, desperate woman. I just want my furniture and never speak to her again. I had to put my cell number on the application. She grabbed it and started texting me from her personal cell within days of me leaving the store. Crazy





TXTrini said:


> Dude, that's nuts!
> 
> You really dodged a bullet there! Why is she so invested, she doesn't know you.


Yes, it is the Accountant in her...

Also, it is that chemical thing, that electrical field thing.

Your _Aura _has captivated and sparked her short hairs.

One could say, "Go ahead and have fun with her, yes, madly tumble with her, a time or two".

This tactic will not end bad, no, it will end worse.

Because then, she will have tasted your flesh.

Oh Gods, the shark in her will circle your life for years.

Once you give in to someone (as her), the given will not let go.

They cannot, it is not in them to release their beloved prey.




_King Brian-_


----------



## LisaDiane

Numb26 said:


> Have to see her when she has visitation with the kids





Numb26 said:


> Not "seeing" her as in dating.


Ok, PHEW!!!!! I was going to suggest someone rush over there and have you committed for a desire to self-harm!!! Lol!!

But @RebuildingMe had a quick "get-together" with his Ms. Low Drive, so I was just questioning if that was continuing...while he has another woman stalking him...

He's got quite the exciting dating life going on up there!


----------



## SunCMars

LisaDiane said:


> Your welcome!!
> 
> I'm sure to some people, indifference can look like depression. Once they see you are actually happy making your choices, they won't be worried about your mindset anymore.


May no one ever see you indifferent, no matter the cause.
No matter the.. because.

May they see you as different and not difficult.

May they see you in your best light, that light not dimming, but remaining full-bright.
Remaining, full of life.


_The Typist-_ from his notes.


----------



## RandomDude

Been enjoying my semi-solitude with side-chat-flirty-friend, though it seems despite removing myself from dating apps and limiting social contact, the opportunities still remain here and there unless I go full hermit. Latest opportunity feels like I'm Truman in the Truman show where after his divorce the producers finally 'insert' another opportunity into his life. I'm even wearing a mask so what the?

Nah 6 months not long enough. Avoiding eye contact and disciplining myself not to look at them so I don't get my blood leaving my brain for somewhere else. I have nothing left to give, the only desire left is to take. Not going there. As dead as my heart is seems the other brain is very much still alive the damn bastard!

/goes back to cave


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> Ok, PHEW!!!!! I was going to suggest someone rush over there and have you committed for a desire to self-harm!!! Lol!!
> 
> But @RebuildingMe had a quick "get-together" with his Ms. Low Drive, so I was just questioning if that was continuing...while he has another woman stalking him...
> 
> He's got quite the exciting dating life going on up there!


LD bought tickets to a concert and invited me this weekend. She spent the weekend at my place since we both didn’t have our kids. We had a good weekend and she was HD this weekend. So who knows where we go from here? Playing it one day at a time. My focus is on my house. Just finished both kids rooms. Also, got about 70% of my furniture this weekend. I did not by a black light to look for ‘stains’.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> LD bought tickets to a concert and invited me this weekend. She spent the weekend at my place since we both didn’t have our kids. We had a good weekend and she was HD this weekend. So who knows where we go from here? Playing it one day at a time. My focus is on my house. Just finished both kids rooms. Also, got about 70% of my furniture this weekend. *I did not by a black light to look for ‘stains’.*


Afraid to know for sure? 😂 

Interesting developments. I'm surprised she didn't try to pin you down, since apparently, you have to assume people are screwing around while dating if not exclusive.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Afraid to know for sure? 😂
> 
> Interesting developments. I'm surprised she didn't try to pin you down, since apparently, you have to assume people are screwing around while dating if not exclusive.


Well, we were always exclusive so dating others was not an issue. However, her interpretation of “exclusive” was that I was going to have to exclusively masturbate. Anyway, we’ll see where it goes.

I really don’t think the furniture psycho ever got within a hundred miles of my pieces. They were delivered from a warehouse two hours away. At least that’s what is helping me sleep at night.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Well, we were always exclusive so dating others was not an issue. However, her interpretation of “exclusive” was that I was going to have to exclusively masturbate. Anyway, we’ll see where it goes.
> 
> I really don’t think the furniture psycho ever got within a hundred miles of my pieces. They were delivered from a warehouse two hours away. At least that’s what is helping me sleep at night.


Oh, I'm just being nosy, you don't have to say anything 😂 Hope you can work things out satisfactorily for you both!

Phew, straight from the warehouse is good! When are you getting the rest of stuff?


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Oh, I'm just being nosy, you don't have to say anything 😂 Hope you can work things out satisfactorily for you both!
> 
> Phew, straight from the warehouse is good! When are you getting the rest of stuff?


Could be another 1-2 months. I still have a living room set to buy, but I think I’ll be shopping at another store for that.

I’ll have you know that your post a while back regarding expectations got me thinking. That coupled with the garbage currently on the market has my brain thinking to see if this relationship can work. I mean, we both do have 1.5 years invested. So, I hold you partly responsible on how things turn out. Probably not a good thing considering my track record 🤣


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Could be another 1-2 months. I still have a living room set to buy, but I think I’ll be shopping at another store for that.
> 
> I’ll have you know that your post a while back regarding expectations got me thinking. That coupled with the garbage currently on the market has my brain thinking to see if this relationship can work. I mean, we both do have 1.5 years invested. So, I hold you partly responsible on how things turn out. Probably not a good thing considering my track record 🤣


Definitely shop somewhere else!

Don't feel you need to remain in an unfulfilling relationship due to the sunken cost fallacy if you're truly not happy. You also better not make me responsible for your pimping if you're not coughing up a %!


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Well, we were always exclusive so dating others was not an issue. However, her interpretation of “exclusive” was that I was going to have to exclusively masturbate. Anyway, we’ll see where it goes.


Just don't believe that she has changed at all. Whatever her attitude about sex was, IS STILL THERE.
That's fine if you are ok dealing with that, but that's HER. 

I would be suspicious of someone who acted uncaring of my needs when they felt secure in the relationship.

I suppose if she always knows you will leave if there is no sex, then it could work out for you. But I find it interesting that your hard line from last year has already softened. You are doing with her what you advised many men on here never to do, and what you swore never to do again.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> Just don't believe that she has changed at all. Whatever her attitude about sex was, IS STILL THERE.
> That's fine if you are ok dealing with that, but that's HER.
> 
> I would be suspicious of someone who acted uncaring of my needs when they felt secure in the relationship.
> 
> I suppose if she always knows you will leave if there is no sex, then it could work out for you. But I find it interesting that your hard line from last year has already softened. You are doing with her what you advised many men on here never to do, and what you swore never to do again.


You are 100% correct and that would be the advice I would give. For me now, things have changed in my mind. For starters, I’ve made it clear we are never getting married or living together. Second, I absolutely love living alone and having the kids 50% of the time. Third, I am very busy with the house and will be for quite some time. It has been time consuming and therapeutic. I love updating the house and with the spring coming, I have a lot of plans for the outside. Finally, I don’t have an overwhelming desire to get into another relationship at this time. I like how my life is from my mental standpoint. After nothing but crazy for two years, all I want is calmness. LD does not bring any craziness into my life which is good. I’ve made it clear how I feel so she can respond accordingly. So far her actions have shown me she wants me in her life, even if it’s part time due to our schedules, work, kids and each of us running our own households.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> You are 100% correct and that would be the advice I would give. For me now, things have changed in my mind. For starters, I’ve made it clear we are never getting married or living together. Second, I absolutely love living alone and having the kids 50% of the time. Third, I am very busy with the house and will be for quite some time. It has been time consuming and therapeutic. I love updating the house and with the spring coming, I have a lot of plans for the outside. Finally, I don’t have an overwhelming desire to get into another relationship at this time. I like how my life is from my mental standpoint. After nothing but crazy for two years, all I want is calmness. LD does not bring any craziness into my life which is good. I’ve made it clear how I feel so she can respond accordingly. So far her actions have shown me she wants me in her life, even if it’s part time due to our schedules, work, kids and each of us running our own households.


I hope it all works out!! Like I said, as long as she is sure you will end the relationship if your needs aren't met (as you SHOULD), then she will probably continue to care about meeting them.

I love house projects!!!! I hope you have fun with them!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> I hope it all works out!! Like I said, as long as she is sure you will end the relationship if your needs aren't met (as you SHOULD), then she will probably continue to care about meeting them.
> 
> I love house projects!!!! I hope you have fun with them!!


Knowing I’m divorced x2, I’m pretty sure she knows I’ll end relationships for a myriad of reasons.

I hope things are going well for you and you’re getting closer to the D being finalized.


----------



## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> You are 100% correct and that would be the advice I would give. For me now, things have changed in my mind. For starters, I’ve made it clear we are never getting married or living together. Second, I absolutely love living alone and having the kids 50% of the time. Third, I am very busy with the house and will be for quite some time. It has been time consuming and therapeutic. I love updating the house and with the spring coming, I have a lot of plans for the outside. Finally, I don’t have an overwhelming desire to get into another relationship at this time. I like how my life is from my mental standpoint. After nothing but crazy for two years, all I want is calmness. LD does not bring any craziness into my life which is good. I’ve made it clear how I feel so she can respond accordingly. So far her actions have shown me she wants me in her life, even if it’s part time due to our schedules, work, kids and each of us running our own households.


What about the hissy fit when you left the Neverending Birthday Celebration?


----------



## RandomDude

How do you guys know when you are ready for casual sex? Should I just throw myself into the pond and see what happens?

It just feels so weird after last relationship yet could be the next step for me to enjoy singlehood. I don't want to do anything with ms cutie as I like her companionship and her rarity in that department means I don't want to risk change with her, positive or negative.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> How do you guys know when you are ready for casual sex? Should I just throw myself into the pond and see what happens?
> 
> It just feels so weird after last relationship yet could be the next step for me to enjoy singlehood. I don't want to do anything with ms cutie as I like her companionship and her rarity in that department means I don't want to risk change with her, positive or negative.


Do you even have the urge to merge? (As @ SunCMars loves to say)


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Do you even have the urge to merge? (As @ SunCMars loves to say)


Considering how bored I am, two at once or it's not happening lol


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Considering how bored I am, two at once or it's not happening lol


No boner, no bonking. So that's a NOPE.


----------



## SunCMars

LisaDiane said:


> Just don't believe that she has changed at all. Whatever her attitude about sex was, IS STILL THERE.
> That's fine if you are ok dealing with that, but that's HER.
> 
> I would be suspicious of someone who acted uncaring of my needs when they felt secure in the relationship.
> 
> I suppose if she always knows you will leave if there is no sex, then it could work out for you. *But I find it interesting that your hard line from last year has already softened.* You are doing with her what you advised many men on here never to do, and what you swore never to do again.


Hard lines change because of interpersonal compromising.
Hard lines change because of over-eating.
Hard lines change because of aging and sagging.

With men, the mind demands, but, the uncooperative boners have the last say, the last play.

There is more to friendship than sex.

Depending on the age of the daters..
LD's are kept, but get friend zoned, HD's get initially boned and then dumped if they are problem-prone.

Drama is more toxic than lacka-nookie.
Lacka-nookie must never approach zero.

You are more likely to (long term) desire sweetness, than heat..
The word no, must be used wisely and sparingly in any relationship.


_Prince Robbie- _from Oz


----------



## TXTrini

SunCMars said:


> Hard lines change because of interpersonal compromising.
> Hard lines change because of over-eating.
> Hard lines change because of aging and sagging.
> 
> With men, the mind demands, but, the uncooperative boners have the last say, the last play.
> 
> There is more to friendship than sex.
> 
> Depending on the age of the daters..
> LD's are kept, but get friend zoned, HD's get initially boned and then dumped if they are problem-prone.
> 
> Drama is more toxic than lacka-nookie.
> Lacka-nookie must never approach zero.
> 
> You are more likely to (long term) desire sweetness, than heat..
> The word no, must be used wisely and sparingly in any relationship.
> 
> 
> _Prince Robbie- _from Oz


See what I mean by in-your-face- imagery?

Man, you do have a way of painting a picture with words.


----------



## Hiner112

Earlier in this thread there was a discussion of life goals. In my relationship we're both mid-40s and don't really have any career goals. She retired from the military and I've basically been promoted one step farther than I really wanted to go. I guess my career goal is to get demoted to _just_ a regular software engineer.

Our actual goals are things like reading each other's favorite novels and watching each other's favorite movies and TV shows. And having all of the sex. All of it. Often is has been very much like a few of the scenes from Shang-Chi, "We should get up and get breakfast....OR...".


----------



## Evinrude58

I am finding since the Russkie, pretty much every woman I meet bores the hell out of me in a few dates….. I have zero desire to have another person move in my home, certainly not get married. Looks like I am pretty much gonna be a bachelor. Have had covid for the last 6 days. I’m a wee bit depressed lol.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> I am finding since the Russkie, pretty much every woman I meet bores the hell out of me in a few dates….. I have zero desire to have another person move in my home, certainly not get married. Looks like I am pretty much gonna be a bachelor. Have had covid for the last 6 days. I’m a wee bit depressed lol.


So you like the drama mamas. Well, I suppose there's a lid for every pot. If they scratch your itch, scratch away man.

How are you feeling?


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> So you like the drama mamas. Well, I suppose there's a lid for every pot. If they scratch your itch, scratch away man.
> 
> How are you feeling?


I don’t care for the drama, just haven’t met the right one I suppose. After 6 days, feeling 90% but get tired easy. Thx for asking.
The latest one is super nice….. has headaches every day…. Migraines. But always pleasant.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t care for the drama, just haven’t met the right one I suppose. After 6 days, feeling 90% but get tired easy. Thx for asking.
> The latest one is super nice….. has headaches every day…. Migraines. But always pleasant.


Sometimes in my pessimistic periods, I wonder how anyone knows that for sure anymore, since things take to come to light.

I'm glad you're doing much better. Rest up! Do you have food? I hope you didn't lose your tastebuds like poor kag did.


----------



## Evinrude58

I have gotten through it with taste buds intact so far. Plenty of food. Gonna get out this evening and do some work I hope


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t care for the drama, just haven’t met the right one I suppose. After 6 days, feeling 90% but get tired easy. Thx for asking.
> The latest one is super nice….. has headaches every day…. Migraines. But always pleasant.


What do you think bores you then, if it's not the lack of drama?


----------



## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> I am finding since the Russkie, pretty much every woman I meet bores the hell out of me in a few dates….. I have zero desire to have another person move in my home, certainly not get married. Looks like I am pretty much gonna be a bachelor. Have had covid for the last 6 days. I’m a wee bit depressed lol.


That’s just it. There’s pure garbage on the market. Entitled, spoiled, broke, boring and broken. Although I suppose we’re all broken to some degree. Either lower your expectations or go single. Sadly, that’s the choice. Everyone out there divorced, single in their mid years, or never married, is flawed. Myself included. Being by yourself most of the time with occasional sex on the side begins to look mighty appetizing.

Got a cat 4 weeks ago. Five months old. This cat has brought me more joy so far in life than any woman. Loyal, friendly, playful…he doesn’t cook or clean, but neither did my ex wives. If he has an opinion or something negative to say, he keeps it to himself. And I have yet to catch him on his phone sexing other female felines in the community. I think I finally found a winner.


----------



## Evinrude58

I don’t enjoy hanging out with many people.
I have 4 really close to and spend tome with other than my kids. A handful of others. 
I’m an introvert. I have tired of worrying about problems other than mine and my dad’s and my kids’
Women are really needy. And the ones I’ve found are really pushy on exclusivity abd establishing a “relationship”.
Need constant texting and reassurance. That really drives me the other direction. Then, I suddenly have a whole other set of problems I have to deal with…. Cars, homes, etc needing repair. 

worst possible thing to tell a man: I love you on the first date. Pressure??? Geez.
Then constant texting throughout the day???

then I wonder why I always looked forward to the Russki’s emails every day. 
why I looked forward to planning trips with her and not so with anyone else.

Hard to find that as special person….. and then making things work. Really hard. There are some nice people out there. I’ve met a few. Can’t force oneself to love them.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s just it. There’s pure garbage on the market. Entitled, spoiled, broke, boring and broken. Although I suppose we’re all broken to some degree. Either lower your expectations or go single. Sadly, that’s the choice. Everyone out there divorced, single in their mid years, or never married, is flawed. Myself included. Being by yourself most of the time with occasional sex on the side begins to look mighty appetizing.
> 
> Got a cat 4 weeks ago. Five months old. This cat has brought me more joy so far in life than any woman. Loyal, friendly, playful…he doesn’t cook or clean, but neither did my ex wives. If he has an opinion or something negative to say, he keeps it to himself. And I have yet to catch him on his phone sexing other female felines in the community. I think I finally found a winner.


Yes, we all definitely have our own special sh1t to deal with, that's why it's so important not to be too judgy. Take a good sniff of yourself first, you know? 😆 

A cat?! I never figured you for a cat man! I'm a dog person myself, I've been eyeballing all the puppies up for adoption, but can't swing it atm. My favorite breed loves to climb fences and run away, so the yard needs to be Fort Knox first and I have to be able to run them down. 

I've never had a man who cooked for me either since my grandpa made me eggs as a kid. My bf mostly eats out or eats frozen meals unless he's at my house.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t enjoy hanging out with many people.
> I have 4 really close to and spend tome with other than my kids. A handful of others.
> I’m an introvert. I have tired of worrying about problems other than mine and my dad’s and my kids’
> Women are really needy. And the ones I’ve found are really pushy on exclusivity abd establishing a “relationship”.
> Need constant texting and reassurance. That really drives me the other direction. Then, I suddenly have a whole other set of problems I have to deal with…. Cars, homes, etc needing repair.
> 
> worst possible thing to tell a man: I love you on the first date. Pressure??? Geez.
> Then constant texting throughout the day???
> 
> then I wonder why I always looked forward to the Russki’s emails every day.
> why I looked forward to planning trips with her and not so with anyone else.
> 
> Hard to find that as special person….. and then making things work. Really hard. There are some nice people out there. I’ve met a few. Can’t force oneself to love them.


So date an independent-minded introvert! They understand alone time requirements better than anyone else. Though, the complaint then might be "You don't seem to need me, why are we together?".

I personally love dating a fellow introvert, though I still have to make an effort to suck it up when he wants to do couple stuff with other couples. But you do things for people you love to make them happy.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> Got a cat 4 weeks ago. Five months old. This cat has brought me more joy so far in life than any woman. *Loyal*, friendly, playful…he doesn’t cook or clean, but neither did my ex wives. If he has an opinion or something negative to say, *he keeps it to himself*. And *I have yet to catch him on his phone sexing other female felines* in the community. I think I finally found a winner.




You must not have had cats for very long lol


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Yes, we all definitely have our own special sh1t to deal with, that's why it's so important not to be too judgy. Take a good sniff of yourself first, you know? 😆
> 
> A cat?! I never figured you for a cat man! I'm a dog person myself, I've been eyeballing all the puppies up for adoption, but can't swing it atm. My favorite breed loves to climb fences and run away, so the yard needs to be Fort Knox first and I have to be able to run them down.
> 
> I've never had a man who cooked for me either since my grandpa made me eggs as a kid. My bf mostly eats out or eats frozen meals unless he's at my house.


I’ve had dogs growing up. Now, with a half acre of property, I’m too old to be picking up dog crap. This cat only goes in his litter box. Plus, I plan on going to Myrtle Beach more this year and I can get anyone to watch this cat. A dog? Not so much.


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> *So date an independent-minded introvert! *They understand alone time requirements better than anyone else. Though, the complaint then might be "You don't seem to need me, why are we together?".
> 
> I personally love dating a fellow introvert, though I still have to make an effort to suck it up when he wants to do couple stuff with other couples. But you do things for people you love to make them happy.


I never said there was a long line of ladies wanting an old, bald, introverted, fisherman who has 3 kids and can hardly scratch 2 cents together. So it’s not like I can be all that selective, lol. How does one go about finding these introverted ladies? Don’t they by definition keep you themselves? Do tell.😁


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> I never said there was a long line of ladies wanting an old, bald, introverted, fisherman who has 3 kids and can hardly scratch 2 cents together. So it’s not like I can be all that selective, lol. How does one go about finding these introverted ladies? Don’t they by definition keep you themselves? Do tell.😁


Well, you made the Red -hot Ruskie Romance sound like a scorcher, so I figured you had to have them lining up, which means one/combo of a few things: devilishly handsome, sexy, flashy/rich or packing/laying some serious pipe. 😂

Introverted women aren't much different from introverted men in that we (I) need a lot of alone time, find small talk tedious, are particular with who they want to spend time with, especially if it extends to sharing cooties. I completely rejected the usual "meet ASAP and don't talk" advice, simply b/c I needed a spark of connection to feel it was worth my time to doll up and expend my energy to meet someone. I don't think anything is wrong with that advice, but I don't know how many introverted women you'll catch with that advice.

My advice... be yourself unapologetically and shine on until you attract someone who wants some of dat. It might be slim pickings, but it'll be quality pickings when your interests line up.

Take note of ladies who are liking your profile. Personally, I showed interest by "liking" a profile first and didn't say a damn thing until the dude messaged😂. For me, this was an interest/initiative/masculinity test, but I was no slouch in showing my interest. You'll know who's keenly interested and/ talking to a ton of people at once from the quality of the messages you receive to know if it's worth your time.

So look for a non-flashy lady who doesn't post a ton of pics, doesn't show the world her breakfast/dinner, read her profile and see if you get a sense of who she might be. Then send her a message that shows you "see" her, not her goodies.


----------



## RandomDude

Never thought moving around furniture would reopen so many old wounds half a year after a breakup. It's dragging on forever.

Soldiered on with all the stings and flashbacks, but now feels better with everything done. Bloody hell.

Next time I move sh-t around I better feel nothing but a smile like the other trinkets. Will give it more time.


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Never thought moving around furniture would reopen so many old wounds half a year after a breakup. It's dragging on forever.
> 
> Soldiered on with all the stings and flashbacks, but now feels better with everything done. Bloody hell.
> 
> Next time I move sh-t around I better feel nothing but a smile like the other trinkets. Will give it more time.


This is great progress!! You'll see, it won't be as difficult next time!


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> This is great progress!! You'll see, it won't be as difficult next time!


Yeah just unexpected to get emotionally splashed that's all...










Way to ruin my otherwise decent mood these days.


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> Yeah just unexpected to get emotionally splashed that's all...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Way to ruin my otherwise decent mood these days.


Lol!!! I think that truck did that on purpose to him!!


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Yeah just unexpected to get emotionally splashed that's all...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Way to ruin my otherwise decent mood these days.


I know the feeling.

Today I received an unexpected and unwelcome valentine's day package that pissed me off. I so don't need this sh1t right now.


----------



## farsidejunky

@TXTrini I have read your last few posts to my wife tonight and we have both been laughing our asses off at them.

ETA: I posted this just before the above post... obviously not that one...



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

farsidejunky said:


> @TXTrini I have read your last few posts to my wife tonight and we have both been laughing our asses off at them.
> 
> ETA: I posted this just before the above post... obviously not that one...
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


What's funny? Not being facetious, could use some laughs myself atm.


----------



## farsidejunky

These.


TXTrini said:


> So you like the drama mamas. Well, I suppose there's a lid for every pot. If they scratch your itch, scratch away man.
> 
> How are you feeling?





TXTrini said:


> Yes, we all definitely have our own special sh1t to deal with, that's why it's so important not to be too judgy. Take a good sniff of yourself first, you know?
> 
> A cat?! I never figured you for a cat man! I'm a dog person myself, I've been eyeballing all the puppies up for adoption, but can't swing it atm. My favorite breed loves to climb fences and run away, so the yard needs to be Fort Knox first and I have to be able to run them down.
> 
> I've never had a man who cooked for me either since my grandpa made me eggs as a kid. My bf mostly eats out or eats frozen meals unless he's at my house.





TXTrini said:


> Well, you made the Red -hot Ruskie Romance sound like a scorcher, so I figured you had to have them lining up, which means one/combo of a few things: devilishly handsome, sexy, flashy/rich or packing/laying some serious pipe.
> 
> Introverted women aren't much different from introverted men in that we (I) need a lot of alone time, find small talk tedious, are particular with who they want to spend time with, especially if it extends to sharing cooties. I completely rejected the usual "meet ASAP and don't talk" advice, simply b/c I needed a spark of connection to feel it was worth my time to doll up and expend my energy to meet someone. I don't think anything is wrong with that advice, but I don't know how many introverted women you'll catch with that advice.
> 
> My advice... be yourself unapologetically and shine on until you attract someone who wants some of dat. It might be slim pickings, but it'll be quality pickings when your interests line up.
> 
> Take note of ladies who are liking your profile. Personally, I showed interest by "liking" a profile first and didn't say a damn thing until the dude messaged. For me, this was an interest/initiative/masculinity test, but I was no slouch in showing my interest. You'll know who's keenly interested and/ talking to a ton of people at once from the quality of the messages you receive to know if it's worth your time.
> 
> So look for a non-flashy lady who doesn't post a ton of pics, doesn't show the world her breakfast/dinner, read her profile and see if you get a sense of who she might be. Then send her a message that shows you "see" her, not her goodies.


Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

farsidejunky said:


> These.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Oh ok. I thought a little levity might lighten the tone.

According to my bf, I shrivel balls with my "Hallmark" delivery.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TXTrini said:


> Today I received an unexpected and unwelcome valentine's day package that pissed me off. I so don't need this sh1t right now.


Am I the only one curious about this package? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ccpowerslave

3Xnocharm said:


> Am I the only one curious about this package?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I was curious but she sounds mad, scary!


----------



## TXTrini

3Xnocharm said:


> Am I the only one curious about this package?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


2 large boxes of chocolate my ex gave me for Valentine 2019 while he was cheating that he knew I hated. 

From his parents with "love".


----------



## Evinrude58

Your cheating ex’s parents sent you a valentine’s gift? Ugh.


----------



## LisaDiane

farsidejunky said:


> These.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I think @TXTrini has a brilliant way of putting things!!!!


----------



## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> 2 large boxes of chocolate my ex gave me for Valentine 2019 while he was cheating that he knew I hated.
> 
> From his parents with "love".


WTF.

Two thoughts came to mind of what to do with that. First, think 'eff off' and just throw out and ignore. Second, might be considered passive aggressive. Send them back with a note 'thanks for the thought, but you enjoy them.'

You might have ditched the chocolates already though. Seriously, WTF. And (((( virtual hugs )))) ...there's a word I'd have for them but it's not permitted on the forum. I'm confident you could guess what it would be though; likely even already used it yourself.


----------



## TXTrini

heartsbeating said:


> WTF.
> 
> Two thoughts came to mind of what to do with that. First, think 'eff off' and just throw out and ignore. Second, might be considered passive aggressive. Send them back with a note 'thanks for the thought, but you enjoy them.'
> 
> You might have ditched the chocolates already though. Seriously, WTF. And (((( virtual hugs )))) ...there's a word I'd have for them but it's not permitted on the forum. I'm confident you could guess what it would be though; likely even already used it yourself.


Thank you. It's been a rough few weeks, then this. 

I was too embarrassed to ask on the forum in case you guys thought it was no big deal and I was making something out of nothing. 

They've been sending magazine subscriptions for a "Christian" publication to my house for the last 2 yrs even though I moved and didn't say anything to anyone. Yes, sent a request to stop, it was not acknowledged. Called the company, they won't cancel it.

They send e-cards for every special occasion including my birthday with cryptic messages...now this. I don't know if they knew about the details of that last Valentine's chocolate from the ex, but this pushed one button too many.

I've talked to my bf and friends about it to figure out what to do. I don't like acting in anger and certainly don't want to blow up at 80 y/o people. I'm going to send it back to them with a handwritten note requesting them to stop. You all might think I'm callous to ignore them, but they turned their backs on me and ghosted me after DD when I was still recovering from major surgery. I simply want to move on with my life, untethered to the past, and live in peace.


----------



## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> Thank you. It's been a rough few weeks, then this.
> 
> I was too embarrassed to ask on the forum in case you guys thought it was no big deal and I was making something out of nothing.
> 
> They've been sending magazine subscriptions for a "Christian" publication to my house for the last 2 yrs even though I moved and didn't say anything to anyone. Yes, sent a request to stop, it was not acknowledged. Called the company, they won't cancel it.
> 
> They send e-cards for every special occasion including my birthday with cryptic messages...now this. I don't know if they knew about the details of that last Valentine's chocolate from the ex, but this pushed one button too many.
> 
> I've talked to my bf and friends about it to figure out what to do. I don't like acting in anger and certainly don't want to blow up at 80 y/o people. I'm going to send it back to them with a handwritten note requesting them to stop. You all might think I'm callous to ignore them, but they turned their backs on me and ghosted me after DD when I was still recovering from major surgery. I simply want to move on with my life, untethered to the past, and live in peace.


Okay, then I'd suggest sending them back with a handwritten note - which is more from an authentic position than anger: 

Thank you for the thought, but you enjoy them. From here, we need to sever contact as I simply want to move on with my life, untethered to the past, and continue in peace. I wish you the best.

Something like that, would be my suggestion.


----------



## heartsbeating

By the way, @TXTrini, I do acknowledge and recognize that sometimes these things can sound simple to action in type and yet in reality feel less than simple. I wrote the above suggestion to you, yet in fairness, was sharing with Batman about an interaction with a family member, and he suggested that it was good opportunity to address it and have an open dialogue as a means to understand one another better, or at the very least, for me to have expressed where I was at. I was all 'Yeah, you're right... but eh, I can't be bothered...' Still, talking it through with him highlighted a different approach that I may implement another time. 

While I am fairly assertive, I share this as a means to acknowledge how something that sounds simple to do - for some - isn't always the case for others; or may even be contextually related to that particular point in time. I know that personally, I was feeling less inclined to address it this time (and, it's not really a big deal), as I've also been grieving. That's part of the context I'm referring to. You also mentioned that it's been a rough few weeks for you, so it depends where you are currently at as to whether / how / when you address this.


----------



## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> You all might think I'm callous to ignore them but


The 'but' doesn't matter. Nor really does what 'we' think.



TXTrini said:


> I simply want to move on with my life, untethered to the past, and live in peace.


This matters.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@TXTrini,

e-cards may be easy to handle, depending on your email provider. There are often ways to set up rules to automatically delete email from certain senders and/or with certain keywords , before it hits your inbox. PM me if you want help with that.

For packages and magazines etc from USPS, you can write “refused” and drop them in a mailbox, iirc. Probably won’t make anyone stop, but who knows.

At first, I thought they might intentionally be pushing your buttons. Don’t feel obliged to answer, but I’m wondering now if they instead are proselytizing and/or trying to Hoover you back into their lives? Or just trying to be “friendly”, but are not aware of the stress it causes you?

ETA: I don’t think you are callous to ignore them. Life is short, and this one is yours. They are responsible for theirs.


----------



## Lila

@TXTrini why are they doing that? If you think they are coming from a good place in their hearts, I would tell them "I forgive you for the way you abandoned me when I needed you most in my life but I have moved on. I have found happiness in a new relationship and a new life. Please respect my wishes and do not contact me again.".

If you think they are being a-holes then just straight up tell them they need to get checked for dementia because they keep forgetting you're not their sleezy, STD ridden son's wife anymore. Take a picture of yourself burning the chocolates, magazines, and anything else they gave you...and attach it to your hand written note.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Thank you. It's been a rough few weeks, then this.
> 
> I was too embarrassed to ask on the forum in case you guys thought it was no big deal and I was making something out of nothing.
> 
> They've been sending magazine subscriptions for a "Christian" publication to my house for the last 2 yrs even though I moved and didn't say anything to anyone. Yes, sent a request to stop, it was not acknowledged. Called the company, they won't cancel it.
> 
> They send e-cards for every special occasion including my birthday with cryptic messages...now this. I don't know if they knew about the details of that last Valentine's chocolate from the ex, but this pushed one button too many.
> 
> I've talked to my bf and friends about it to figure out what to do. I don't like acting in anger and certainly don't want to blow up at 80 y/o people. I'm going to send it back to them with a handwritten note requesting them to stop. You all might think I'm callous to ignore them, but they turned their backs on me and ghosted me after DD when I was still recovering from major surgery. I simply want to move on with my life, untethered to the past, and live in peace.


Oh... aahaahahahahaha damn it, you may have got "one of those"...

If true, they ARE annoying, you normally have to move and disappear before you are through with them completely. If they don't send you stuff on the mail they will spam your email or whatever. It's how they get their acknowledgement, sending stuff to everyone, especially at their age lol.


----------



## TXTrini

Wow, thanks guys! I truly appreciate the moral support and advice. Sorry I took so long to respond, it's been a heck of a few days. I have finals and had some major stuff die on me on top of health issues, so rather overwhelmed atm.

@heartsbeating It's reassuring to know I'm not being oversensitive or a hateful ass, I respect your habitual compassionate stance on things in general.

@ PieceOfSky I haven't messed around with email filters, I haven't had time to do look into that. It comes through a 3rd party service, so I don't know how to block that e-mail address. Plus I felt bad to hurt their feelings, they treated me like a daughter for 20 years, it really hurt to lose them.

@Lila I have no idea what their motives are. His mom is a lifelong alcohol possibly a narcissist. She's very much about appearances and is emotionally manipulative. We had a love/hate relationship b/c I always had to maintain firm boundaries to keep her from controlling our lives. I thought they treated me well until I discovered after DD my ex had a full set of clothes at their house (I asked him to come for his crap) and she asked for his AP by name previously. So who knows? It stopped mattering once we split and went out separate ways, you know?

@RandomDude I did move and disappear! I didn't tell anyone where I moved, but they still found my address.

Honestly, I don't know what their motives are or care, if it's guilt, they could easily have sent an apology letter or called since they know where I live. I thought maybe they'd eventually tire of sending e-cards since I never responded, but the package was an escalation.

My bf's solution is to bite a bit out of every chocolate and send it back, but that's a bit too assholish even for me. We had a good laugh about it, I think he felt nice to be asked. It's nice having people to run things by, truly appreciate the support, everyone! I told a friend on here I was too embarrassed to ask for advice before, b/c I thought I was being petty.

Thanks for the wonderful ideas, I'll cherry-pick from it as soon as I get a chance to breathe (currently juggling finals, emergency home repairs, etc). I'm leaning toward writing a very short handwritten note, requesting them to stop sending things and clearly express that although I harbor no ill feelings towards them, I need to leave them all behind for my peace and happiness. They stopped being my responsibility when their son chose to act how he did and they turned their backs on me.


----------



## farsidejunky

@TXTrini I like your boyfriend's idea...not in reality...but in the way it probably produces giggles from you when he suggests it. He sounds like a keeper. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

farsidejunky said:


> @TXTrini I like your boyfriend's idea...not in reality...but in the way it probably produces giggles from you when he suggests it. He sounds like a keeper.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


🤣
We like to goof off and have fun, I certainly agree!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> @RandomDude I did move and disappear! I didn't tell anyone where I moved, but they still found my address.


Wow, not just barnacles but stalky barnacles!  
Maybe have to work on your disappearing then, must have left a loose end lol. That's if you want to up and move again!

There's just no stopping them lol


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Wow, not just barnacles but stalky barnacles!
> Maybe have to work on your disappearing then, must have left a loose end lol. That's if you want to up and move again!
> 
> There's just no stopping them lol


I have no idea who could have spilled the beans, I literally told no one except my doctors and lawyer. The only thing I can think of is when I used my health insurance at the ER, my personal one wasn't active until I had my final papers.

I do plan to move again, but that won't be for at least another 1-3 years.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell a recent thread has me all worked up...

Think too many childhood memories triggered. Honestly I think parents should be held under standards enforced by the law. Bah!


----------



## Not

News update from the online dating frontline! I'm officially dating someone. We met online, had our first date almost two weeks ago and several more since. He's really not bad looking for 54 lol! He's got a great sense of humor, I feel very comfortable around him and he's very sweet/affectionate. So far so good! 

It's still early days but he puts off a very good vibe. And he's got a very active social life which I'm going to love. He can drag me around all over with him, get my butt out of the house! And throw me on the back of his bike, it's going to be a great spring/summer because I love to ride.

Cross your fingers for me!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> News update from the online dating frontline! I'm officially dating someone. We met online, had our first date almost two weeks ago and several more since. He's really not bad looking for 54 lol! He's got a great sense of humor, I feel very comfortable around him and he's very sweet/affectionate. So far so good!
> 
> It's still early days but he puts off a very good vibe. And he's got a very active social life which I'm going to love. He can drag me around all over with him, get my butt out of the house! And throw me on the back of his bike, it's going to be a great spring/summer because I love to ride.
> 
> Cross your fingers for me!


Sounds good! I'm happy for you, hope it goes well.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

@Not that’s awesome, so happy for you and crossing fingers!

I ended my… semi relationship. I really liked him but evidently I like doing my own thing more right now. Besides I don’t think he really had room for me in his life anyway. 

Onward!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Found myself attracted to someone and it's rather obvious its mutual, except of course, she's another extrovert. Bah!

But what's worse is the flashbacks of ex decided that right there and then is the time to emotionally splash me again! Half a year on without her and she still pervades my thoughts at inopportune moments! Bah! Yet the more these moments come the more I can process them so it won't be so pervasive next time. Bloody hell, it's not enough you get over feeling sorry for yourself, you need to play whack-a-mole with flashbacks until it stops.

Anyway, might be seeing more of this new chatterbox. Ms cutie has occupied the rather indispensable chat-buddy position, but now I just need the replaceable and expendable f--buddy position occupied and I'm good (also why ms cutie is friend-zoned indefinitely lol), but chatterbox also young - mid 20s, so maybe not. Meh, will see how it goes.


----------



## Not

3Xnocharm said:


> @Not that’s awesome, so happy for you and crossing fingers!
> 
> I ended my… semi relationship. I really liked him but evidently I like doing my own thing more right now. Besides I don’t think he really had room for me in his life anyway.
> 
> Onward!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


As long as you're happy that's all that counts. I so get where you're at. I was sitting in my car a couple of weeks ago waiting for this new guy to show up for our first date but thinking to myself that I'm really not sure I want to give up my autonomy right now. Then the date went really well. That wasn't part of my plan lol! He was supposed to be my last date before I shut my accounts down and started making plans for my spring.


----------



## RandomDude

Wrong thread...


----------



## joannacroc

For whatever reason while I was away for a week OLD site archived all my conversations with folks and wasn't able to restore them. All new connections were blah - either intelligent-seeming people who are arrogant, or unattractive, or attractive people who seem unintelligent. It seemed like a sign to take a step back from dating. I'm just going to concentrate on cultivating some friendships and achieving some personal goals when I'm not with my son. Really wanted to go on a hiking trip somewhere beautiful so I've started researching for this summer. I think I'll be fine if I don't meet someone. I have my family, my friends, my work. That's a lot and I'm grateful for that.


----------



## Not

Well that didn't last long lol! I texted him a hello Monday night about 6:30 and he calls me at 8:30-ish. He had just got home from a date he said and sounded very nervous with me. Said he had set up the date three weeks ago and felt bad about cancelling because her mother had recently passed away so he went. Didn't tell me before hand so it wouldn't cause trouble but wanted to be honest about it so decided to tell me after. Claimed he wasn't interested and that it all came down to being a man of his word. Told him it was a big red flag for me and I left everything up in the air. Blah.

Ironic that he didn't want to cause trouble because he called me last night about the same time and said he had been helping a friend with something, mind you I didn't ask him what he had been doing. Then there was an awkward silence and he quickly explained what he had been up too. He realized he's now created a really awkward situation, could hear it in his voice as he stumbled over his words. No way was I going to deal with this crap. Too old for it. Another one bites the dust.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

@Not had you two agreed that you would not be dating other people? I mean I can see why he’d feel awkward about this.. yeah he should have been up front but I kinda get it. This is why I don’t multi date! I would suck at it!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Not

3Xnocharm said:


> @Not had you two agreed that you would not be dating other people? I mean I can see why he’d feel awkward about this.. yeah he should have been up front but I kinda get it. This is why I don’t multi date! I would suck at it!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yep, we had agreed to not see other people. He was the one pushing for exclusivity. Went so far as to say if another man touched me he'd kick his ass. As for the date, his reasoning was that he had set up the date right when we first met so then he was obligated to follow through. Doesn't matter now, I ended it.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> Yep, we had agreed to not see other people. He was the one pushing for exclusivity. Went so far as to say if another man touched me he'd kick his ass. As for the date, his reasoning was that he had set up the date right when we first met so then he was obligated to follow through. Doesn't matter now, I ended it.


Translation: he wanted to see if he might possibly like this woman more while he kept you on the hook.

He could've easily bowed out and told her that he'd become more serious with someone else.....that happens all the time. I would hope that a guy wouldn't keep a date with me while he was seeing another because he "felt bad".

He wanted go keep his options open. 

As my late father used to say......"who do you think you're bullshitting?".

Glad you saw through it.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Yep, we had agreed to not see other people. He was the one pushing for exclusivity. Went so far as to say if another man touched me he'd kick his ass. As for the date, his reasoning was that he had set up the date right when we first met so then he was obligated to follow through. Doesn't matter now, I ended it.


Wow, what a tool!

It speaks to your confidence that you jettisoned his ass out for that crap! Way to go! You deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. That is some serious double standard BS right there.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> For whatever reason while I was away for a week OLD site archived all my conversations with folks and wasn't able to restore them. All new connections were blah - either intelligent-seeming people who are arrogant, or unattractive, or attractive people who seem unintelligent. It seemed like a sign to take a step back from dating. I'm just going to concentrate on cultivating some friendships and achieving some personal goals when I'm not with my son. Really wanted to go on a hiking trip somewhere beautiful so I've started researching for this summer. I think I'll be fine if I don't meet someone. I have my family, my friends, my work. That's a lot and I'm grateful for that.


Ha, you sound like me when I was looking for my Goldilock's Man! I think people are more touchy these days with all the crap going on in the world, so that sounds like a good plan. You might very well meet someone suitable while doing your own thing or stretch yourself so much the things you want for yourself or in partner change. 

Where are you thinking of going on a hiking trip? I've been thinking about a trip myself, but I'm limited to a long weekend atm if I want my bf to come. It's kinda funny, after being a travel agent, I have no idea where to start looking for me.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> Ha, you sound like me when I was looking for my Goldilock's Man! I think people are more touchy these days with all the crap going on in the world, so that sounds like a good plan. You might very well meet someone suitable while doing your own thing or stretch yourself so much the things you want for yourself or in partner change.
> 
> Where are you thinking of going on a hiking trip? I've been thinking about a trip myself, but I'm limited to a long weekend atm if I want my bf to come. It's kinda funny, after being a travel agent, I have no idea where to start looking for me.


lol it is a bit like Goldilocks. 

Looking at possibly Utah, maybe Bryce Canyon, Zion Natl Pk, maybe Moab and Arches etc. It looks so pretty and I have never been to that part of the country. I almost booked a half marathon there but I think I would probably die lol but I could definitely hike that (hope) if I practice and train. Just sort of fell in love with the gorgeous geological formations. It's almost other worldly. That seemed like a good solo trip as my son isn't the most avid hiker.

That's funny you being a travel agent - I expect you have all sorts of places you'd like to go.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> lol it is a bit like Goldilocks.
> 
> Looking at possibly Utah, maybe Bryce Canyon, Zion Natl Pk, maybe Moab and Arches etc. It looks so pretty and I have never been to that part of the country. I almost booked a half marathon there but I think I would probably die lol but I could definitely hike that (hope) if I practice and train. Just sort of fell in love with the gorgeous geological formations. It's almost other worldly. That seemed like a good solo trip as my son isn't the most avid hiker.
> 
> That's funny you being a travel agent - I expect you have all sorts of places you'd like to go.


Is it safe to do a hiking trip alone? Or are there like groups you could go with or sign up for hikes with once there? I've traveled as a single female before, but it wasn't for leisure or to remote areas, there were always lots of people around. 

I'm not one anymore, actually, I finally finished my degree and am job-hunting at the moment. 

Longer trips will have to wait a bit, but I'd love to see the Northern Lights in person, in Alaska or Iceland. Plus there's all the volcanic scenery in Iceland and the State Parks in Alaska. I'd love to visit the pyramids, and the museums in Egypt, go on safari, do a Mediterranean cruise. Being from the Caribbean, I'm "meh" about beaches, I didn't particularly like the beach when I could go as much as I wanted. I burn, not tan, even with loads of sunblock. 

Hmm, I guess I never really gave it much thought, b/c when I was married my ex didn't want to travel and I wasn't well enough.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> Is it safe to do a hiking trip alone? Or are there like groups you could go with or sign up for hikes with once there? I've traveled as a single female before, but it wasn't for leisure or to remote areas, there were always lots of people around.
> 
> I'm not one anymore, actually, I finally finished my degree and am job-hunting at the moment.
> 
> Longer trips will have to wait a bit, but I'd love to see the Northern Lights in person, in Alaska or Iceland. Plus there's all the volcanic scenery in Iceland and the State Parks in Alaska. I'd love to visit the pyramids, and the museums in Egypt, go on safari, do a Mediterranean cruise. Being from the Caribbean, I'm "meh" about beaches, I didn't particularly like the beach when I could go as much as I wanted. I burn, not tan, even with loads of sunblock.
> 
> Hmm, I guess I never really gave it much thought, b/c when I was married my ex didn't want to travel and I wasn't well enough.


Meh. I think some areas ranger-led hikes are available/required because it can be dangerous, but yeah, I will bring my b*%^& face and maybe a big knife. I just want to decompress for a bit so the solo bit is sort of the point.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> Is it safe to do a hiking trip alone? Or are there like groups you could go with or sign up for hikes with once there? I've traveled as a single female before, but it wasn't for leisure or to remote areas, there were always lots of people around.
> 
> I'm not one anymore, actually, I finally finished my degree and am job-hunting at the moment.
> 
> Longer trips will have to wait a bit, but I'd love to see the Northern Lights in person, in Alaska or Iceland. Plus there's all the volcanic scenery in Iceland and the State Parks in Alaska. I'd love to visit the pyramids, and the museums in Egypt, go on safari, do a Mediterranean cruise. Being from the Caribbean, I'm "meh" about beaches, I didn't particularly like the beach when I could go as much as I wanted. I burn, not tan, even with loads of sunblock.
> 
> Hmm, I guess I never really gave it much thought, b/c when I was married my ex didn't want to travel and I wasn't well enough.


Yeah I'm with you. I don't like the beach that much. Are you well enough to travel now? Sounds like a lot of amazing places. Iceland looked so gorgeous in GOT.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> Meh. I think some areas ranger-led hikes are available/required because it can be dangerous, but yeah, I will bring my b*%^& face and maybe a big knife. I just want to decompress for a bit so the solo bit is sort of the point.


Ok good! You had me worried a bit there. Some women can be really dumb about solo trips, I'm glad you're not one of them. 

I did consider taking a solo trip, but it would probably be a waste, cause I'd just want to hole up in a mountain lodge, get spa treatments and order room service 😂 



joannacroc said:


> Yeah I'm with you. I don't like the beach that much. Are you well enough to travel now? Sounds like a lot of amazing places. Iceland looked so gorgeous in GOT.


It sure did! (I'm a totally GoT junkie) The starkness of the volcanic landscape was amazing. I'd probably have to go vegetarian while there though since they eat so much fish. 

I think my bf would probably appreciate a trip like that, he's a geologist by training although he doesn't work as one. He was thrilled when he saw my collection of semi-precious gemstone home goods (coasters bookends, candleholders, etc) and jewelry. We've gone to a gemstone/fossil show, and plan to go to more. It was fun hearing him describe everything, I simply appreciate the natural beauty.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Not said:


> Yep, we had agreed to not see other people. He was the one pushing for exclusivity. Went so far as to say if another man touched me he'd kick his ass. As for the date, his reasoning was that he had set up the date right when we first met so then he was obligated to follow through. Doesn't matter now, I ended it.


Ah! Then you did the right thing, good for you for your quick action. What a d!ck!! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Romance is in the air but I'm shutting it out. Don't ask, nothing is happening yet, it's very subtle but obvious. I'm kinda ruining everything because I ain't flirting back.

It keeps triggering flashbacks of ex. Is this normal? Like, every time I seem to be getting over a threshold, I get emotionally splashed. What's going to happen if there's sex? Bleh!


----------



## RandomDude

Whelp, too late. I'm in a fling, and I like it.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

RandomDude said:


> Whelp, too late. I'm in a fling, and I like it.


Have fun.


----------



## RandomDude

Was going to stop but she whispered 'darling'...

Taking this day by day, could be just a bit of fun. Regardless, I really like her style.
This is what I've been whining about for years with ex/ex-wife.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Was going to stop but she whispered 'darling'...
> 
> Taking this day by day, could be just a bit of fun. Regardless, I really like her style.
> This is what I've been whining about for years with ex/ex-wife.


Enjoy each day at a time. And don't compare hr to the exes (at least where she can hear)! Hard, but a total buzzkill.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Enjoy each day at a time. And don't compare hr to the exes (at least where she can hear)! Hard, but a total buzzkill.


I'm unsure, she strikes me as a player, I could be wrong but either way I strike everyone as a player too when I'm actually a keeper - just a flirt. So who knows.

I suspect it's going to be pure flirty fun and nothing else. There is probably no future in this, she's ex's age (yeah yeah, I know), we are working together temporarily on a project, and she is in a rather respectable position and owns her own home (at her age, by herself, which is very impressive considering the prices where I live). She's single, confirmed, she blames working too hard (she'd better have an excuse because she is very attractive)... been collecting information in between the flirting hehe. I have no idea where these wonder women keep coming from.

But it may be too soon, I was single 8 months before I met my ex-fiancee, and now after a 4 year relationship only been single 6 months... it feels like disrespect. Either way it's nice to be reminded I'm still sexy, and she's making a note to remind me...  this is the first natural romantic encounter for a very long time, and it seems I'm healing.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I'm unsure, she strikes me as a player, I could be wrong but either way I strike everyone as a player too when I'm actually a keeper - just a flirt. So who knows.
> 
> I suspect it's going to be pure flirty fun and nothing else. There is probably no future in this, she's ex's age (yeah yeah, I know), we are working together temporarily on a project, and she is in a rather respectable position and owns her own home (at her age, by herself, which is very impressive considering the prices where I live). She's single, confirmed, she blames working too hard (she'd better have an excuse because she is very attractive)... been collecting information in between the flirting hehe. I have no idea where these wonder women keep coming from.
> 
> But it may be too soon, I was single 8 months before I met my ex-fiancee, and now after a 4 year relationship only been single 6 months... it feels like disrespect. Either way it's nice to be reminded I'm still sexy, and she's making a note to remind me...  this is the first natural romantic encounter for a very long time, and it seems I'm healing.


What's wrong with flirty fun? Live a little! You don't owe loyalty to someone who dumped you. It's affirming to be reminded of your attractiveness as a person, revel a little, but try to temper that with the wisdom to learn from your mistakes. Apparently much younger women who have their **** together are your kryptonite. 

I'm happy to see you in a lighter mood!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> What's wrong with flirty fun? Live a little! You don't owe loyalty to someone who dumped you. It's affirming to be reminded of your attractiveness as a person, revel a little, but try to temper that with the wisdom to learn from your mistakes. Apparently much younger women who have their **** together are your kryptonite.
> 
> I'm happy to see you in a lighter mood!


Hey she started it! I wouldn't say younger women are my thing, I would prefer not! lol

And yeah just going to go with it  
Just a little crush right?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Hey she started it! I wouldn't say younger women are my thing, I would prefer not! lol
> 
> And yeah just going to go with it
> Just a little crush right?


Ain't no way I'm playing that vid, for that damn song to be stuck in my head!

So... do you go along with everything other peeps start? You do have agency, so you chose to be tickled... someplace and respond. Even so, have fun, but keep your brains engaged.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Ain't no way I'm playing that vid, for that damn song to be stuck in my head!
> 
> So... do you go along with everything other peeps start? You do have agency, so you chose to be tickled... someplace and respond. Even so, have fun, but keep your brains engaged.


LOL!

Actually I was very professional from day one and I have been playing dumb, ignoring her flirts, not returning physical touch, etc.
However she has been very persistent over several weeks but never did it in a way that compromised our work or put me off. I was gonna stop to maintain professionalism (and other reasons) but yeah... so still her fault I gave her plenty of room to run away and she still can 

Also why I have my suspicions she's a player, cause she's got obvious game 😒


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> LOL!
> 
> Actually I was very professional from day one and I have been playing dumb, ignoring her flirts, not returning physical touch, etc.
> However she has been very persistent over several weeks but never did it in a way that compromised our work or put me off. I was gonna stop to maintain professionalism (and other reasons) but yeah... so still her fault I gave her plenty of room to run away and she still can
> 
> Also why I have my suspicions she's a player, cause she's got obvious game 😒


Did you say you weren't interested?

I can't imagine going after a man that hard, yikes. But then I'm more old-fashioned and unlike the kids these days. 


In other news, I really need to find a new doctor. I've been going to my old doctor despite moving an hour away 2 years ago and didn't want another one. However, on my last visit, one of the dudes from the on-site lab slipped me his number in case I need a friend, which I thought was super weird. Turns out he went and told my mom he thinks I'm beautiful and to call him if things don't work out with my bf. Awkward... So yeah, I'm a fellow puss and my advice is to run away if you're not interested.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Did you say you weren't interested?
> 
> I can't imagine going after a man that hard, yikes. But then I'm more old-fashioned and unlike the kids these days.
> 
> 
> In other news, I really need to find a new doctor. I've been going to my old doctor despite moving an hour away 2 years ago and didn't want another one. However, on my last visit, one of the dudes from the on-site lab slipped me his number in case I need a friend, which I thought was super weird. Turns out he went and told my mom he thinks I'm beautiful and to call him if things don't work out with my bf. Awkward... So yeah, I'm a fellow puss and my advice is to run away if you're not interested.


Lol he slipped the love note? That's my move hahaha 

I can't imagine why she's going after me so hard either, she's hot and she's confident! I kept reminding her my age as well, I even called her a baby to express she's too young for me! I don't say I'm 36 I say I'm nearly 40, just to emphasize my oldiness. Yet she persisted 🤷‍♂️

I also told ms crutch and she's like "lol she likes you, go for it" as for being interested... well, I've always been attracted to her but I know how to manage it, and I have a lot of damage from my last relationship because after loving someone so much and it's still not enough I don't feel I'm ever going to be enough for anyone in my life and that is the core reason I have forsaken all hope... but hope it seems has not forsaken me... bah!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm...  maybe she thinks I have $$$ and she's done working her ass off... Imma tell her I'm a sugar daddy without the sugar and see if this continues


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Lol he slipped the love note? That's my move hahaha
> 
> I can't imagine why she's going after me so hard either, she's hot and she's confident! I kept reminding her my age as well, I even called her a baby to express she's too young for me! I don't say I'm 36 I say I'm nearly 40, just to emphasize my oldiness. Yet she persisted 🤷‍♂️
> 
> I also told ms crutch and she's like "lol she likes you, go for it" as for being interested... well, I've always been attracted to her but I know how to manage it, and I have a lot of damage from my last relationship because after loving someone so much and it's still not enough I don't feel I'm ever going to be enough for anyone in my life and that is the core reason I have forsaken all hope... but hope it seems has not forsaken me... bah!!!


No note, just his number. I made the mistake and told my bf (ok, I was trying to get some more action). After he got over the grumpies, he made fun of me saying "I'd bet he'd like to give you an injection" 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ 

Well, she wants a piece of dat. I understand the feeling of never being enough for someone, but you know what? That's not your problem! They don't like, they can move on along. Other people's happiness is not your responsibility. You are enough.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> No note, just his number. I made the mistake and told my bf (ok, I was trying to get some more action). After he got over the grumpies, he made fun of me saying "I'd bet he'd like to give you an injection" 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️


Hahaha amateur hour then  



> Well, she wants a piece of dat. I understand the feeling of never being enough for someone, but you know what? That's not your problem! They don't like, they can move on along. Other people's happiness is not your responsibility. You are enough.


Heh eventually believing that, will be my hurdle to overcome. Maybe one day... maybe soon. I've crossed a threshold at least 
Regardless of how this turns out, it's nice to get the romantic interest of someone so successful and attractive 

Also it feels less cradle robby when she's in her 20s already lol


----------



## RandomDude

So... turns out she has been single all her life, she says she just never found the time, I probed a little more and asked her about including a partner during meals/gym/etc, and she was like she would prefer to do what she prefers to do. Now her professional and financial achievements are impressive, but massive red flag and think gonna give it a miss. I don't think she even knows the basics or understands relationships in general, huge uncertainty. Still have some time before our business is concluded so will just enjoy her company until then.

Guess that's what it takes to have a home of her own at her age in a city where the majority struggle to even afford one jointly.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> So... turns out she has been single all her life, she says she just never found the time, I probed a little more and asked her about including a partner during meals/gym/etc, and she was like she would prefer to do what she prefers to do. Now her professional and financial achievements are impressive, but massive red flag and think gonna give it a miss. I don't think she even knows the basics or understands relationships in general, huge uncertainty. Still have some time before our business is concluded so will just enjoy her company until then.
> 
> Guess that's what it takes to have a home of her own at her age in a city where the majority struggle to even afford one jointly.


Yeowch! Good for her, but that's a heck of a sacrifice. 

Good call, I'd also avoid inexperienced people like the plague, I don't have the patience to "train" someone how to conduct themselves in a relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Yeowch! Good for her, but that's a heck of a sacrifice.
> 
> Good call, I'd also avoid inexperienced people like the plague, I don't have the patience to "train" someone how to conduct themselves in a relationship.


Heh yeah, I admire her for her achievements as well and I know it's only the start. It's very impressive.

There is no future here but very happy to have made her acquaintance. Feels like a step forward in the right direction, it's a nice crush


----------



## uwe.blab

Truly there are people built to live a more solitary life. Be honest, relationships take up an immense amount of energy, and when you look back you have to sometimes wonder why you wasted so much time worrying or being angry about some the disputes, arguments, resentments or even minor discussions. 

I hear a lot of talk about how God made us to want to connect with each other. I think that is mostly true but I too often do not feel it as strongly as most.


----------



## RandomDude

@uwe.blab 

Agreed, anything serious is straight off the table. But I must admit, I'm being tempted at the possibility of other 'arrangements'... as the flirting hasn't exactly stopped, now she's playing footsie. 

🤦‍♂️

Meh, I'll just let it happen if it does, but definitely _after_ we're done with business.


----------



## Not

March has been a really stressful month for me. This month would have been the two year mark for Tank and I. I was getting stressed out thinking he would try to contact me because he's so damn overly emotional and dramatic. I was so convinced and so stressed about it I began breaking out in hives. This has only happened once before, during my divorce.

Other than stalking my facebook he never contacted me but on our anniversary day I spent my afternoon changing a tire on my car. It had a nail. Then discovered my spare was flat and then discovered my other back tire had a nail too. No way in heck am I accusing him but the timing is just incredible. Maybe this was life telling me something, like anything to do with him is a disaster lol!


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

You know for a fact he stalked you on Facebook, at about the same time the nails appeared?


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky, 

Yes. I had been expecting the Facebook shenanigans so I was watching for it and he knows I don't keep the man door on my garage locked because it's old and crappy and needs replaced. That will be changed out this week, as a precaution.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> March has been a really stressful month for me. This month would have been the two year mark for Tank and I. I was getting stressed out thinking he would try to contact me because he's so damn overly emotional and dramatic. I was so convinced and so stressed about it I began breaking out in hives. This has only happened once before, during my divorce.
> 
> Other than stalking my facebook he never contacted me but on our anniversary day I spent my afternoon changing a tire on my car. It had a nail. Then discovered my spare was flat and then discovered my other back tire had a nail too. No way in heck am I accusing him but the timing is just incredible. Maybe this was life telling me something, like anything to do with him is a disaster lol!


What I'm finding is that doing things alone one by one that you normally do together really helps reclaim your life, despite the emotional splashing. The birthdays were difficult, both hers and mine yet I feel empowered by overcoming it. I would bet anniversaries are included in this bundle! So in a way, it's something to look forward to, as long as we keep our eyes on the finish line and not the hurdle in front of us. After a while it'll be all behind us.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> March has been a really stressful month for me. This month would have been the two year mark for Tank and I. I was getting stressed out thinking he would try to contact me because he's so damn overly emotional and dramatic. I was so convinced and so stressed about it I began breaking out in hives. This has only happened once before, during my divorce.
> 
> Other than stalking my facebook he never contacted me but on our anniversary day I spent my afternoon changing a tire on my car. It had a nail. Then discovered my spare was flat and then discovered my other back tire had a nail too. No way in heck am I accusing him but the timing is just incredible. Maybe this was life telling me something, like anything to do with him is a disaster lol!


Wow, that sounds nuts! 

How are you doing today?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> What I'm finding is that doing things alone one by one that you normally do together really helps reclaim your life, despite the emotional splashing. The birthdays were difficult, both hers and mine yet I feel empowered by overcoming it. I would bet anniversaries are included in this bundle! So in a way, it's something to look forward to, as long as we keep our eyes on the finish line and not the hurdle in front of us. After a while it'll be all behind us.


My birthdays are no longer upsetting, it was 2 years before Christmas became positive. Until this Christmas gone, I was a total McScrooge, no decorations, no presents😂. I was never big on Valentine's day, so the only thing annoying were those chocolates (my bf took them to work to disperse to the counter-surfers). I decided not to respond at all. 

I think I can tackle going to an annual event this year with my bf that I only ever went to with my exH (we went at least once/year for 12 yrs). Now that I'm done with school, I look forward to putting a toe out to try new things.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> My birthdays are no longer upsetting, it was 2 years before Christmas became positive. Until this Christmas gone, I was a total McScrooge, no decorations, no presents😂. I was never big on Valentine's day, so the only thing annoying were those chocolates (my bf took them to work to disperse to the counter-surfers). I decided not to respond at all.


V-day was a celebration for me lol
Yeah sure got emotionally splashed as well but it's like all the years of having to think about what to get her, how to impress her, where to take her, many times weeks or even longer ahead of time only to have it all not even appreciated as it was merely "expectations" well... lol it was pretty liberating.



> I think I can tackle going to an annual event this year with my bf that I only ever went to with my exH (we went at least once/year for 12 yrs). Now that I'm done with school, *I look forward to putting a toe out to try new things.*


I'm looking forward to trying out something new as well...


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> V-day was a celebration for me lol
> Yeah sure got emotionally splashed as well but it's like all the years of having to think about what to get her, how to impress her, where to take her, many times weeks or even longer ahead of time only to have it all not even appreciated as it was merely "expectations" well... lol it was pretty liberating.
> 
> 
> 
> *I'm looking forward to trying out something new as well...*


I got my bf a card and his favorite cherry chocolates that's it. I even managed to write something nice instead of what I wanted to write (vulgar and funny).

Not even going to ask^!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I got my bf a card and his favorite cherry chocolates that's it. I even managed to write something nice instead of what I wanted to write (vulgar and funny).


Wow, that's it?
That would have been a one way ticket to hell for me last few years lol



> Not even going to ask^!


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Wow, that's it?
> That would have been a one way ticket to hell for me last few years lol


I'm a hermit, remember? I'm good once I get laid.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

Have you known or suspected him to have exhibited intrusive/stalkish/boundary-crossing behaviors before?

I have this vague recollection… but maybe am confusing your posts with someone else.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I have an update. Not that exciting of one but it is good news for me. My Chidi boyfriend - who I have dated on and off for 5 years - finally moved back to Portland and we are seeing each other again. I missed him a lot (he was relocated for work for over a year). He's back now for the foreseeable future and we are doing well as bf/gf.


----------



## minimalME

Hi @Faithful Wife! You are missed. 😊💕


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> What I'm finding is that doing things alone one by one that you normally do together really helps reclaim your life, despite the emotional splashing. The birthdays were difficult, both hers and mine yet I feel empowered by overcoming it. I would bet anniversaries are included in this bundle! So in a way, it's something to look forward to, as long as we keep our eyes on the finish line and not the hurdle in front of us. After a while it'll be all behind us.


I was doing pretty good until I realized, ****, the anniversary is coming lol! Even had a short fling and got busy for a little while!  

I did take a drive recently that had me going through some places he and I used to frequent. I had to take my daughter up there to a particular store. That was a little intense but I'm glad it happened. I want to be able to go there and enjoy myself and not get sad about it. While he and I aren't meant for each other, there are still lots of good memories and those do reach out and bite at times.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Wow, that sounds nuts!
> 
> How are you doing today?



Yeah, a very weird co-incidence but I'm doing good. He didn't contact me and that took a huge load off my mind.


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky said:


> @Not,
> 
> Have you known or suspected him to have exhibited intrusive/stalkish/boundary-crossing behaviors before?
> 
> I have this vague recollection… but maybe am confusing your posts with someone else.



He was the possessive type and did cross a few boundaries with being jealous and controlling after my family moved in with me but never anything like this. I'm chalking it up to co-incidence but keeping my eyes wide open at the same time.


----------



## TXTrini

@ Not Good to be aware and alert, just don't cross into paranoia, or it'll destroy your peace. I'm happy to see you doing so well though!

@Faithful Wife Yay! I remember how nuts you were about him. Hope you two go well!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I was doing pretty good until I realized, ****, the anniversary is coming lol! Even had a short fling and got busy for a little while!
> 
> I did take a drive recently that had me going through some places he and I used to frequent. I had to take my daughter up there to a particular store. That was a little intense but I'm glad it happened. I want to be able to go there and enjoy myself and not get sad about it. While he and I aren't meant for each other, there are still lots of good memories and those do reach out and bite at times.


Yup, definitely stings! But after a while I found facing these memories no matter how much it hurts each time actually helps. 

In time, I simply smile at such memories with less and less pain.  Glad to know you have made progress too!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Faithful Wife said:


> I have an update. Not that exciting of one but it is good news for me. My Chidi boyfriend - who I have dated on and off for 5 years - finally moved back to Portland and we are seeing each other again. I missed him a lot (he was relocated for work for over a year). He's back now for the foreseeable future and we are doing well as bf/gf.


Oh my gosh I was just thinking of you a few days ago! I’m glad to see you are happy!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Amidst the back and forth flirting and hot and cold games with my crush, she revealed she's been stalking me on social media... and with that somehow we ended up having a brief moment without pretences in regards to our attraction. She invited me out, outside of work, I answered with my hormones. Damn. 🤦‍♂️

So yeah... I got a date. This was not supposed to happen until we concluded our business together but with all the damn teasing... ah hell whatever.


----------



## Not

Well I've given up on what I'm going to call intentional dating, dating with an end goal in mind. I've decided I'm not going to worry about trying to meet my person. Tank and I have been broken up for six months now and I've discovered I like my peace and freedom way too much. I truly want to do whatever I want whenever I want without "feedback" on how I'm living my life or spending my time. Ticks me off.

So, dating is now a time filler and for fun. Not looking for free meals or drinks, just someone to talk to at times and possibly do things with. Seriously considering a FWB situation with someone in particular. He's close by, interested and hot for a 50 year old. I think I better jump on the chance because I haven't come across any man in my age range that looks as good as he does. 

What has happened to me? LOL!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Well I've given up on what I'm going to call intentional dating, dating with an end goal in mind. I've decided I'm not going to worry about trying to meet my person. Tank and I have been broken up for six months now and I've discovered I like my peace and freedom way too much. I truly want to do whatever I want whenever I want without "feedback" on how I'm living my life or spending my time. Ticks me off.
> 
> So, dating is now a time filler and for fun. Not looking for free meals or drinks, just someone to talk to at times and possibly do things with. Seriously considering a FWB situation with someone in particular. He's close by, interested and hot for a 50 year old. I think I better jump on the chance because I haven't come across any man in my age range that looks as good as he does.
> 
> What has happened to me? LOL!


Lol nothing wrong with FWB, I may end up in the same boat soon, or nothing. Still in the cards. I've also realised there are things I can no longer accept, like I don't want my phone blowing up, expected to respond etc.

I've kinda realised through this crush how lame intentional dating is too, organic romance is so much better, but they come and go and not always compatible. Like your 50 yr old lol, or my totally inappropriate romance right now 🤣


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Well I've given up on what I'm going to call intentional dating, dating with an end goal in mind. I've decided I'm not going to worry about trying to meet my person. Tank and I have been broken up for six months now and I've discovered I like my peace and freedom way too much. I truly want to do whatever I want whenever I want without "feedback" on how I'm living my life or spending my time. Ticks me off.
> 
> So, dating is now a time filler and for fun. Not looking for free meals or drinks, just someone to talk to at times and possibly do things with. Seriously considering a FWB situation with someone in particular. He's close by, interested and hot for a 50 year old. I think I better jump on the chance because I haven't come across any man in my age range that looks as good as he does.
> 
> What has happened to me? LOL!


You're WGTOW, like the MGTOW's where to them the juice ain't worth the squeeze. No one says you *have *to be in a relationship or even date. Especially after the one you came out of. ****, that alone sounds like it would make me WGOTW too!  

Feedback on how you're living your life/spending your time, WTAF? Unless they're paying for it/being directly affected by it, no one's got a right to input! 

I have to agree with your assessment of men in that age group 😂 Sorry boys! Drinking, smoking, and lack of self-care really hits people hard. The only thing about FWB's that's revolting for me personally, is apparently it's a free-for-all, no exclusivity. If you can live with that, why not?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> The only thing about FWB's that's revolting for me personally, is apparently *it's a free-for-all, no exclusivity.* If you can live with that, why not?


Not always, but I'm definitely wearing a rubber with mine if it comes to that. Don't trust her one bit.


----------



## Numb26

RandomDude said:


> Not always, but I'm definitely wearing a rubber with mine if it comes to that. Don't trust her one bit.


Better double bag it


----------



## RandomDude

Numb26 said:


> Better double bag it


Lol  

May not even have to as getting second thoughts already and she might be too. We ARE being very unprofessional now...


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Not always, but I'm definitely wearing a rubber with mine if it comes to that. Don't trust her one bit.


Yeah, I'd want a full body bag. You're still gonna touch. YUCK!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Yeah, I'd want a full body bag. You're still gonna touch. YUCK!


LOL 

She's going to be my poison isn't she?






I may still be able to resist! Or screw it up! One way or another! There is hope for me yet lol


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> LOL
> 
> She's going to be my poison isn't she?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I may still be able to resist! Or screw it up! One way or another! There is hope for me yet lol


You know you have a type and she seems to meet the criteria. At least you can't say you didn't know!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> You know you have a type and she seems to meet the criteria. At least you can't say you didn't know!


Yeah well, we'll see what happens.

It's annoying that she's my type because I'm already looking past this one on how to go about meeting more of these types 30+  

Yet it just doesn't work that way these organic encounters in my life they just come and go. 
Chemistry always bloody happens before compatibility, hormones always make you stupid.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol nothing wrong with FWB, I may end up in the same boat soon, or nothing. Still in the cards. I've also realised there are things I can no longer accept, like I don't want my phone blowing up, expected to respond etc.
> 
> I've kinda realised through this crush how lame intentional dating is too, organic romance is so much better, but they come and go and not always compatible. Like your 50 yr old lol, or my totally inappropriate romance right now 🤣


Yeah, I’ve realized dating with the intention of finding someone to get serious with is a huge waste of my energy and the constant disappointments from dud dates won’t be missed at all. So focus now is just on being happy. Sex makes me happy so I’m shooting for that for now lol! Good conversation and great meals too. Keeping it simple and that’ll make me happy.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Yeah, I’ve realized dating with the intention of finding someone to get serious with is a huge waste of my energy and the constant disappointments from dud dates won’t be missed at all. So focus now is just on being happy. Sex makes me happy so I’m shooting for that for now lol! Good conversation and great meals too. Keeping it simple and that’ll make me happy.


Aye the spark is just so much brighter when it happens naturally. Like night and day.

Just wish the universe has a better picker for who we are attracted to sometimes


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> You're WGTOW, like the MGTOW's where to them the juice ain't worth the squeeze. No one says you *have *to be in a relationship or even date. Especially after the one you came out of. ****, that alone sounds like it would make me WGOTW too!
> 
> Feedback on how you're living your life/spending your time, WTAF? Unless they're paying for it/being directly affected by it, no one's got a right to input!
> 
> I have to agree with your assessment of men in that age group 😂 Sorry boys! Drinking, smoking, and lack of self-care really hits people hard. The only thing about FWB's that's revolting for me personally, is apparently it's a free-for-all, no exclusivity. If you can live with that, why not?


I had to look up MGTOW lol!

Yeah, I tend to pick men who want to fix everything, including me. How I dress, spend my downtime etc. I’m a jeans and t-shirt chick who loves doing nothing but relaxing on her downtime. So tired of it.

The condition of these men has been a super downer for sure! I get that it gets harder to stay in even somewhat decent shape as we age and a lot of it we have no control over due to genetics but damn it’s depressing. So a 50 year old guy in a hot body is going to grab my attention lol! Hell I’d take a guy who was in just 50% of the shape this guy is in. I’m not a body snob, I’ve got a belly and some wrinkles. I know the deal lol!










Just damn lol!
Of course I’ll be looking out for myself and making sure he understands I would only consider it if it’s exclusive. I refuse to join that club! But man!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I had to look up MGTOW lol!
> 
> Yeah, I tend to pick men who want to fix everything, including me. How I dress, spend my downtime etc. I’m a jeans and t-shirt chick who loves doing nothing but relaxing on her downtime. So tired of it.
> 
> The condition of these men has been a super downer for sure! I get that it gets harder to stay in even somewhat decent shape as we age and a lot of it we have no control over due to genetics but damn it’s depressing. So a 50 year old guy in a hot body is going to grab my attention lol! Hell I’d take a guy who was in just 50% of the shape this guy is in. I’m not a body snob, I’ve got a belly and some wrinkles. I know the deal lol!
> 
> View attachment 85600
> 
> 
> Just damn lol!
> Of course I’ll be looking out for myself and making sure he understands I would only consider it if it’s exclusive. I refuse to join that club! But man!


Lol go for it!

It's a better deal than what I have, mine actually has professional and monetary risks


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Not said:


> I had to look up MGTOW lol!
> 
> Yeah, I tend to pick men who want to fix everything, including me. How I dress, spend my downtime etc. I’m a jeans and t-shirt chick who loves doing nothing but relaxing on her downtime. So tired of it.


Aha! I knew we were long lost sisters! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## heartsbeating

Not said:


> Just damn lol!
> Of course I’ll be looking out for myself and making sure he understands I would only consider it if it’s exclusive. I refuse to join that club! But man!


The fish shower-curtain and towel hung up over the shower rail wouldn't turn you off?


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I had to look up MGTOW lol!
> 
> Yeah, I tend to pick men who want to fix everything, including me. How I dress, spend my downtime etc. I’m a jeans and t-shirt chick who loves doing nothing but relaxing on her downtime. So tired of it.
> 
> The condition of these men has been a super downer for sure! I get that it gets harder to stay in even somewhat decent shape as we age and a lot of it we have no control over due to genetics but damn it’s depressing. So a 50 year old guy in a hot body is going to grab my attention lol! Hell I’d take a guy who was in just 50% of the shape this guy is in. I’m not a body snob, I’ve got a belly and some wrinkles. I know the deal lol!
> 
> View attachment 85600
> 
> 
> Just damn lol!
> Of course I’ll be looking out for myself and making sure he understands I would only consider it if it’s exclusive. I refuse to join that club! But man!


Where's the fuzz? He has a nice body, but I like my men hairy and a bit scruffy, he looks like a plucked chicken.
Also, what's up with the nipple ring? My instinct is to tug on that, so...😂

ETA: On second thought, he might be a little freakkkay. Have fun!


----------



## RandomDude

heartsbeating said:


> The fish shower-curtain and towel hung up over the shower rail wouldn't turn you off?


Too much hubba wabba for her to notice what's behind him I guess. 😂


----------



## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> Where's the fuzz? He has a nice body, but I like my men hairy and a bit scruffy, he looks like a plucked chicken.
> Also, what's up with the nipple ring? My instinct is to tug on that, so...😂
> 
> EAT: On second thought, he might be a little freakkkay. Have fun!


I didn't even notice the piercing! 
Distracted by the shower situation.


----------



## TXTrini

heartsbeating said:


> I didn't even notice the piercing!
> Distracted by the shower situation.


Girl, my eyeballs flew all around dat! 😂


----------



## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> Girl, my eyeballs flew all around dat! 😂


Obviously I'm joking with @Not ...however admittedly my eyeballs went straight to the Adonis belt, then what type of tattoos, somewhere in there I took in the fuschia pink item on which I guess is the basin and which kind of looks like the head of bathroom-cleaning spray, to the shower curtain, and the towel.


----------



## heartsbeating

This reminds me of a light-hearted conversation with a (married) friend who was telling me about the last time she went to a certain venue and which led to her sharing that her (single) friend picked-up there. My friend didn't see the appeal of the guy, however, her friend went back to his place and had sex. She's into casual sex/dating and there's no judgement around that. What was shared and discussed with me by my friend, was that apparently his place was filthy / messy. My friend said if that was her she would have taken one look around and gone 'nope...TAXI..!' and with the opinion that she'd expect more from a guy of our age to keep his place decent. And her take would have been, 'Get someone in to clean your place first..' Although with additional thought, she added he looked like he also needed a good clean himself and so that became, 'Get someone in to clean your place, take a shower, and followed by a lavender bath first..' This was pure silly conversation. I found it amusing the discussion of sexual escapades turned into a topic about keeping a clean house and not unlike the comedian Sebastian Maniscalco put it 'being prepared for the come-over'. Still, it didn't impact him that night with her friend and so that says what?


----------



## Not

Oh I noticed all that and the mirror too lol! The mirror is bad! But……. I can’t stop looking at what’s in the mirror lol! I’ve seen a picture of his living room though, intimidatingly spotless.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Where's the fuzz? He has a nice body, but I like my men hairy and a bit scruffy, he looks like a plucked chicken.
> Also, what's up with the nipple ring? My instinct is to tug on that, so...😂
> 
> ETA: On second thought, he might be a little freakkkay. Have fun!


I like all kinds lol! Fuzz, no fuzz. It’s all good lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Oh I noticed all that and the mirror too lol! The mirror is bad! But……. I can’t stop looking at what’s in the mirror lol! *I’ve seen a picture of his living room though, intimidatingly spotless.*


Lol maybe not for long


----------



## heartsbeating

Not said:


> Oh I noticed all that and the mirror too lol! The mirror is bad! But……. I can’t stop looking at what’s in the mirror lol! I’ve seen a picture of his living room though, intimidatingly spotless.


Maybe he had the cleaning spray out ready to clean the mirror, then got distracted by his own reflection too and figured he needed to instead take a photo of his body.


----------



## TXTrini

heartsbeating said:


> This reminds me of a light-hearted conversation with a (married) friend who was telling me about the last time she went to a certain venue and which led to her sharing that her (single) friend picked-up there. My friend didn't see the appeal of the guy, however, her friend went back to his place and had sex. She's into casual sex/dating and there's no judgement around that. What was shared and discussed with me by my friend, was that apparently his place was filthy / messy. My friend said if that was her she would have taken one look around and gone 'nope...TAXI..!' and with the opinion that she'd expect more from a guy of our age to keep his place decent. And her take would have been, 'Get someone in to clean your place first..' Although with additional thought, she added he looked like he also needed a good clean himself and so that became, 'Get someone in to clean your place, take a shower, and followed by a lavender bath first..' This was pure silly conversation. I found it amusing the discussion of sexual escapades turned into a topic about keeping a clean house and not unlike the comedian Sebastian Maniscalco put it 'being prepared for the come-over'. Still, it didn't impact him that night with her friend and so that says what?


Girl, I was horrified the first time I saw my bfs place. I flat out told him not to plan on living together anytime soon (if ever). He's been cleaning up more since, but man, I did sideeye him after that. It's not a deal-breaker, bc my ex had an immaculate apartment when we first got together but was a complete pig to live with. I don't remember him ever scrubbing a toilet or bathroom during our marriage. So you really can't judge sometimes.

I don't expect anyone to be perfect, but I'm not going to live in a pigpen or clean up after a grown person ever again. That **** is not attractive.


----------



## heartsbeating

I admit that I was thinking on the conversation with my friend and how the guy's place was apparently kind of filthy, and as her friend probably figured she had a chance of hooking-up that night whether she gave any thought to sex-ready attire (or otherwise) before going out and the potential different considerations between them. This was going through my mind as I was heading to meet Batman at a bar and then on to an event with friends. Which then led to a mental scan of my own presentation and while I looked good, recognized that I had on the comfy everyday underwear and opaque tights/stockings with my dress; and compared that to 'back in the day' when my choices would have been different and if stockings were needed for the outfit, it would likely be in the form of thigh-highs. After the evening, and heading back to the car together, Batman complimented various things about my appearance and outfit. He also was hungry, primarily as he'd dedicated the main quick bites available earlier to myself and friends, and so he stopped for a chicken burger and fries. As part of another light-hearted conversation, would he have stopped for burger and fries if this was an early date between us? Apparently, no probably not - as part of bringing one's A-game. Although I wouldn't want him to be hungry. I shared my thoughts about my own mental scan of how I presented that evening. He claimed that he likes my 'everyday' attire, as part of brief conversation about presenting as early-date-ready compared to married life. Or maybe that's just us. He pointed out that at least his home was clean.


----------



## heartsbeating

To add for good measure, while my man and I share responsibilities of chores, his ‘clean house’ comment primarily related to that I had just cleaned our home the day prior. Just wanted to ensure folks here knew the context; particularly following my comments about the bathroom photo. 😛


----------



## RandomDude

How the hell did ms crutch catch the feels? I have been honest with her, we decided to be just friends both of us weren't ready. I encouraged her to date others, I thought we stayed friends so I told her about my crush, things were merry except then she started getting jealous, so I reminded her where we stood, I'm not even going out with my work crush yet and she blew up at me for not taking her out instead. What?!

Well, I just took it, let her yell since she has been a good friend but what did she expect? Eventually she mistook my patience for tolerance so snip. Bloody hell, why the drama? Anyway wished her the best, deep down I had a feeling this was inevitable since the first signs of jealousy. Probably best outcome anyway.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> How the hell did ms crutch catch the feels? I have been honest with her, we decided to be just friends both of us weren't ready. I encouraged her to date others, I thought we stayed friends so I told her about my crush, things were merry except then she started getting jealous, so I reminded her where we stood, I'm not even going out with my work crush yet and she blew up at me for not taking her out instead. What?!
> 
> Well, I just took it, let her yell since she has been a good friend but what did she expect? Eventually she mistook my patience for tolerance so snip. Bloody hell, why the drama? Anyway wished her the best, deep down I had a feeling this was inevitable since the first signs of jealousy. Probably best outcome anyway.


Who is the woman that got jealous?


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> Who is the woman that got jealous?


A friend that I met through OLD, we supposed to date but we both decided (so I thought) to be friends and she has helped me through alot, it's just a shame it has to end this way. She reminded me too much of my ex at that time. But past that never went out because I didn't want it to go further. She did, as it turns out...


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> How the hell did ms crutch catch the feels? I have been honest with her, we decided to be just friends both of us weren't ready. I encouraged her to date others, I thought we stayed friends so I told her about my crush, things were merry except then she started getting jealous, so I reminded her where we stood, I'm not even going out with my work crush yet and she blew up at me for not taking her out instead. What?!
> 
> Well, I just took it, let her yell since she has been a good friend but what did she expect? Eventually she mistook my patience for tolerance so snip. Bloody hell, why the drama? Anyway wished her the best, deep down I had a feeling this was inevitable since the first signs of jealousy. Probably best outcome anyway.


What a mess but that's on her, she knew the deal. It's too bad she couldn't have handled it maturely and just cut the friendship off with you to avoid getting hurt further, instead of losing it. It's ok to catch feels for someone, it can't be helped sometimes but when it's been made clear there is no chance for anything to bloom then the right thing to do is just step away.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> What a mess but that's on her, she knew the deal. It's too bad she couldn't have handled it maturely and just cut the friendship off with you to avoid getting hurt further, instead of losing it. It's ok to catch feels for someone, it can't be helped sometimes but when it's been made clear there is no chance for anything to bloom then the right thing to do is just step away.


I just don't even know how the feels came when I didn't even take her out, like we both agreed on friendship too. Alas, it's better this happened now then if it carried on like this. Just depressing though. 😞


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I just don't even know how the feels came when I didn't even take her out, like we both agreed on friendship too. Alas, it's better this happened now then if it carried on like this. Just depressing though. 😞


It's hard to say for sure and I can only speak for myself as a woman but sharing deep/intimate details of one's life with another is a definite pathway to catching the feels for someone. It's one of the ways women connect to men. A sort of bond is formed.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> It's hard to say for sure and I can only speak for myself as a woman but sharing deep/intimate details of one's life with another is a definite pathway to catching the feels for someone. It's one of the ways women connect to men. A sort of bond is formed.


How does one even stay friends then? Let alone FWBs if I get into it again

Its made me rather disillusioned even with my crush, what if these dramas happen, for like, any reason, one misunderstanding...

Its like a warning. "RD! This could happen at work!!!" 😱


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> How does one even stay friends then? Let alone FWBs if I get into it again
> 
> Its made me rather disillusioned even with my crush, what if these dramas happen, for like, any reason, one misunderstanding...
> 
> Its like a warning. "RD! This could happen at work!!!" 😱



It'll be different depending on each woman and I would bet money there were signs she was getting attached that flew right over your head lol! Men just aren't very observant at times lol!

I wouldn't worry about it. Some women are cut out for FWB and others are not. It's a gamble you'll have to take. The one at work though, I'd personally stay away from that one. Keep drama outside of work no matter what.

I'm about to enter into my first FWB, no idea how it's going to go. It'll be interesting to see if I can keep it all in fun or if I'm going to get stoopid and catch the feels lol! If I do start to catch the feels I'll be walking away as soon as I realize. Not going to blame him for me not being cut out for it.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> It'll be different depending on each woman and I would bet money there were signs she was getting attached that flew right over your head lol! Men just aren't very observant at times lol!
> 
> I wouldn't worry about it. Some women are cut out for FWB and others are not. It's a gamble you'll have to take. The one at work though, I'd personally stay away from that one. Keep drama outside of work no matter what.
> 
> I'm about to enter into my first FWB, no idea how it's going to go. It'll be interesting to see if I can keep it all in fun or if I'm going to get stoopid and catch the feels lol! If I do start to catch the feels I'll be walking away as soon as I realize. Not going to blame him for me not being cut out for it.


Well we were kinda normal until I mentioned what has been happening at work, then she was like go for it - as friends do. Then she started asking for my photos again, which was suss, so I reaffirmed our friendship. Thought that was it, nope!

Yeah I'm having a lot of second thoughts with work crush, I don't think I would go there until I am sure the risk is mitigated, however, our plans keep having to be postponed lately to meet outside of work and I'm trying not to encourage us to continue flirting at work. As fun as it has been... think it's crashing and burning when realising how incompatible our schedules and lifestyles are.

Have fun with yours! Enjoy the moment don't think so much lol


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> I just don't even know how the feels came when I didn't even take her out, like we both agreed on friendship too. Alas, it's better this happened now then if it carried on like this. Just depressing though. 😞


Women can still get the feels even if they know you're not interested in them and so can men.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> Women can still get the feels even if they know you're not interested in them and so can men.


Yeah well, she's my age, she could have dealt with this maturely without blowing up at me at least. Even work crush acts more mature than her, even my last ex. Meh
Speaking of work crush, I've lost interest, I don't know why, maybe all the postponing, maybe losing a friend to the feels. Maybe both. Just not really 'feeling it' anymore.

If she continues to pursue I'll just keep throwing cold water until it stops or until we finish our job and move on with our lives.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well, she's my age, she could have dealt with this maturely without blowing up at me at least. Even work crush acts more mature than her, even my last ex. Meh
> Speaking of work crush, I've lost interest, I don't know why, maybe all the postponing, maybe losing a friend to the feels. Maybe both. Just not really 'feeling it' anymore.
> 
> If she continues to pursue I'll just keep throwing cold water until it stops or until we finish our job and move on with our lives.


Sometimes fantasy is better than reality and sometimes reality just gets to be too much trouble! Hopefully one day you'll meet someone and things just fall into place because you deserve that. When it's too much trouble it's just not right, and I wish somebody had told me that when I was young.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> Sometimes fantasy is better than reality and sometimes reality just gets to be too much trouble! Hopefully one day you'll meet someone and things just fall into place because you deserve that. When it's too much trouble it's just not right, and I wish somebody had told me that when I was young.


Yeah exactly, guess fantasy is better than reality, I don't think I can entertain this fantasy anymore though. It was nice for a month or so.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> Yeah exactly, guess fantasy is better than reality, I don't think I can entertain this fantasy anymore though. It was nice for a month or so.


It was also nerve-wracking!


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> It was also nerve-wracking!


 hahaha

Yeah well fine, at least I got close enough to have a good view of the icebergs. To snap pictures 📸 

But yeah, steering clear! 👨‍✈️


----------



## DownByTheRiver

RandomDude said:


> hahaha
> 
> Yeah well fine, at least I got close enough to have a good view of the icebergs. To snap pictures 📸
> 
> But yeah, steering clear! 👨‍✈️


The way things took a turn, it does make you wonder if she is on the up and up or what the hell she was doing.


----------



## RandomDude

DownByTheRiver said:


> The way things took a turn, it does make you wonder if she is on the up and up or what the hell she was doing.


No idea, but right now we make each other money and that's all that is important.


----------



## RandomDude

Edit: bleh...


----------



## Hiner112

Had an awkward exchange with my girlfriend this weekend. I was talking about the movies that I planned on watching with my kids as they got older and I was about to explain why I was going to watch Sin City with them.

Me: So you've watched Lord of the Rings, right?
(I was asking perfunctorily because of course everyone that was alive in the early 2000s has seen them)

Her (worried): Well...

Me (confused): Wait, you've never seen The Lord of the Rings?

We've established that she _has_ read the standard Tolkien books but it was a long time ago and she can't remember or discuss details. I think the current plan is for me to read the books to her in the evenings _then_ we'll watch the movies.


----------



## 2&out

Hiner112 said:


> Had an awkward exchange with my girlfriend this weekend. I was talking about the movies that I planned on watching with my kids as they got older and I was about to explain why I was going to watch Sin City with them.
> 
> Me: So you've watched Lord of the Rings, right?
> (I was asking perfunctorily because of course everyone that was alive in the early 2000s has seen them)
> 
> Her (worried): Well...
> 
> Me (confused): Wait, you've never seen The Lord of the Rings?
> 
> We've established that she _has_ read the standard Tolkien books but it was a long time ago and she can't remember or discuss details. I think the current plan is for me to read the books to her in the evenings _then_ we'll watch the movies.


No not everyone has seen Lord of the Rings. Never saw any of the movies, read any of the books, and don't have any idea what it is about. And likely never will, little interest. Same with the Hobbit stuff, Narnia, or any of those types.


----------



## TXTrini

Hiner112 said:


> Had an awkward exchange with my girlfriend this weekend. I was talking about the movies that I planned on watching with my kids as they got older and I was about to explain why I was going to watch Sin City with them.
> 
> Me: So you've watched Lord of the Rings, right?
> (I was asking perfunctorily because of course everyone that was alive in the early 2000s has seen them)
> 
> Her (worried): Well...
> 
> Me (confused): Wait, you've never seen The Lord of the Rings?
> 
> We've established that she _has_ read the standard Tolkien books but it was a long time ago and she can't remember or discuss details. I think the current plan is for me to read the books to her in the evenings _then_ we'll watch the movies.


Wow, that took a while to come out!

Do you guys have any entertainment in common? I love that stuff, and couldn't be with anyone who doesn't at least have an appreciation for it.


----------



## Hiner112

TXTrini said:


> Wow, that took a while to come out!
> 
> Do you guys have any entertainment in common? I love that stuff, and couldn't be with anyone who doesn't at least have an appreciation for it.


The genre interests are at least somewhat similar in that our favorite books growing up were fantasy and we're both more likely to pick up a book than turn on a TV. It is kind of funny that even though we both spent a lot of time reading there isn't as much overlap as I would expect. On a similar note for me I vaguely remembered reading Mists of Avalon when I was in middle school or high school but couldn't remember details because well, that was 30 years ago.

She would like me to watch The Witcher and Deadpool with her and I'd like her to watch Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings with me. We're both open to the other and for the most part have just not gotten around to the other's interests yet.

My kids are in to the arts (dance, band, choir, musical) and she was, too. So the fact that some of our "dates" were to go to the high school or middle school performances wasn't a problem for her. She genuinely looked forward to them.

For the most part just the fact that she's willing and I'm able has been enough entertainment most of the time that we've been together so far.


----------



## RandomDude

@TXTrini 

Writer girl is also INTJ 😅
This is so weird


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> @TXTrini
> 
> Writer girl is also INTJ 😅
> This is so weird


Have you all gone out yet?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Have you all gone out yet?


This weekend, day date any ideas of dating another INTJ lol? 

Imagine if we had a double date that would be 4 INTJs on the same table lol


----------



## Not

I need advice. I'm currently seeing a widower. Met almost two weeks ago. Nothing too serious as of yet, just in the getting to know you phase. His wife passed nine months ago.

I think he's been so lonely that having someone to talk to now has him oversharing. He's had a lot on his mind for quite a while obviously and is still in the process of figuring out how to navigate this new life he's found himself in and I think he's doing a lot of "talking out loud" to get it all straight in his head.

When his wife passed he inherited a lot from her. They had both been married previously but she never had children so everything went to him. He is now what I would consider wealthy and I have always intentionally avoided meeting wealthy men. I'm just not comfortable with it. I had been under the impression he was more of an average Joe financially. The way he dresses and his occupation combined with his personality had me really liking him but now I don't know how to navigate.

I really wish he hadn't shared this information with me. I feel like he's put me in a no win situation. How is he going to know if a woman is truly interested in him? The answer is he can't, not now at least with me. I feel like that topic will now be like a black cloud following my every move.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> This weekend, day date any ideas of dating another INTJ lol?
> 
> Imagine if we had a double date that would be 4 INTJs on the same table lol


Day dates are fun especially if they morph into an all-day if you hit it off! 

We went to the Natural Science museum for our first date. We met up at 10 and spent the day walking in the nearby Japanese gardens and then through the museum, then we ended up having dinner at a nearby restaurant.

Is there anything you both enjoy that you could go to walk and talk?

Ha! That would be interesting. I've been on a couple of double dates, and I think my bf's friend is an INTJ, not sure what his wife is though  We did dinner and an escape room, it was fun figuring out stuff.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I need advice. I'm currently seeing a widower. Met almost two weeks ago. Nothing too serious as of yet, just in the getting to know you phase. His wife passed nine months ago.
> 
> I think he's been so lonely that having someone to talk to now has him oversharing. He's had a lot on his mind for quite a while obviously and is still in the process of figuring out how to navigate this new life he's found himself in and I think he's doing a lot of "talking out loud" to get it all straight in his head.
> 
> When his wife passed he inherited a lot from her. They had both been married previously but she never had children so everything went to him. He is now what I would consider wealthy and I have always intentionally avoided meeting wealthy men. I'm just not comfortable with it. I had been under the impression he was more of an average Joe financially. The way he dresses and his occupation combined with his personality had me really liking him but now I don't know how to navigate.
> 
> I really wish he hadn't shared this information with me. I feel like he's put me in a no win situation. How is he going to know if a woman is truly interested in him? The answer is he can't, not now at least with me. I feel like that topic will now be like a black cloud following my every move.


I don't think he's thinking straight, it's only been 9 months since she passed!

At the risk of sounding like an ass, it sounds like he needs a therapist, not a date/gf. Can you just be friends?


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I need advice. I'm currently seeing a widower. Met almost two weeks ago. Nothing too serious as of yet, just in the getting to know you phase. His wife passed nine months ago.
> 
> I think he's been so lonely that having someone to talk to now has him oversharing. He's had a lot on his mind for quite a while obviously and is still in the process of figuring out how to navigate this new life he's found himself in and I think he's doing a lot of "talking out loud" to get it all straight in his head.
> 
> When his wife passed he inherited a lot from her. They had both been married previously but she never had children so everything went to him. He is now what I would consider wealthy and I have always intentionally avoided meeting wealthy men. I'm just not comfortable with it. I had been under the impression he was more of an average Joe financially. The way he dresses and his occupation combined with his personality had me really liking him but now I don't know how to navigate.
> 
> I really wish he hadn't shared this information with me. I feel like he's put me in a no win situation. How is he going to know if a woman is truly interested in him? The answer is he can't, not now at least with me. I feel like that topic will now be like a black cloud following my every move.


😐 I wouldn't know what the heck to do... the widowed part that is

Though IMO inheritance doesn't mean wealth especially if he doesn't know what to do with it, if he isn't materialistic and it's not influencing his personality then why not?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I don't think he's thinking straight, it's only been 9 months since she passed!
> 
> At the risk of sounding like an ass, it sounds like he needs a therapist, not a date/gf. Can you just be friends?


I'm having similar thoughts. I did do some research and learned that everyone moves on at different paces, some right away, others take much longer and yet others never do move on. 

He's stated a few times that he knows his wife would want him to move on and try to find happiness and I agree that any loving wife would want that for her husband but knowing that doesn't automatically render him ready!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> 😐 I wouldn't know what the heck to do... the widowed part that is
> 
> Though IMO inheritance doesn't mean wealth especially if he doesn't know what to do with it, if he isn't materialistic and it's not influencing his personality then why not?



I get what your saying but what I'm thinking as far as his financial status goes he is making a target out of himself. If he runs across the wrong woman he'll never know what hit him and how will he even know how to differentiate between a good woman and one with negative intentions? He'd have to be a mind reader.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I'm having similar thoughts. I did do some research and learned that everyone moves on at different paces, some right away, others take much longer and yet others never do move on.
> 
> He's stated a few times that he knows his wife would want him to move on and try to find happiness and I agree that any loving wife would want that for her husband but knowing that doesn't automatically render him ready!


Quite the conundrum. It's not just about him either, suppose you really like him, then he craps out on you to heal up?

Sorry about the pessimism, but 9 months is really fresh. Heck, you know folks advise staying away from recently divorced people, I can't imagine it would be any easier to date a very recent widower. 

How's he been dealing with it? Does he go to therapy or have a support group? Or is he laying everything out on you? You're already concerned about his oversharing... some food for thought.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Day dates are fun especially if they morph into an all-day if you hit it off!


Well we both have responsibilities in the evening so it won't be an all day lol

We are both also quite busy, she has alot on her plate as she's working a day job (she has her own business as well) as well as her own creative works. Like how cool is that!!! I always find the best 🤗



> We went to the Natural Science museum for our first date. We met up at 10 and spent the day walking in the nearby Japanese gardens and then through the museum, then we ended up having dinner at a nearby restaurant.
> 
> Is there anything you both enjoy that you could go to walk and talk?
> 
> Ha! That would be interesting. I've been on a couple of double dates, and I think my bf's friend is an INTJ, not sure what his wife is though  We did dinner and an escape room, it was fun figuring out stuff.


Escape room... oooo lunch + escape room hmmmm 😊

We are both sinking in each other's thoughts on text so far, would be interesting to see how we go about as a team. Unsure about museum, I went to a contemporary museum with ex and I was like how TF is this art? 😅


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I get what your saying but what I'm thinking as far as his financial status goes he is making a target out of himself. If he runs across the wrong woman he'll never know what hit him and how will he even know how to differentiate between a good woman and one with negative intentions? He'd have to be a mind reader.


Yeah not something you should really let people know, just say widowed why bring up the inheritance? Maybe he is like you said just thinking out loud and figuring things out.

Or maybe he thinks his newfound wealth will up his chances 😅🤦‍♂️


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well we both have responsibilities in the evening so it won't be an all day lol
> 
> We are both also quite busy, she has alot on her plate as she's working a day job (she has her own business as well) as well as her own creative works. Like how cool is that!!! I always find the best 🤗


Hey, you do you. I hope you have a good time, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. 



RandomDude said:


> Escape room... oooo lunch + escape room hmmmm 😊
> 
> We are both sinking in each other's thoughts on text so far, would be interesting to see how we go about as a team. Unsure about museum, I went to a contemporary museum with ex and I was like how TF is this art? 😅


I said Natural Science museum! 

Have you seen some of that crap? Some of it IS literally crap, as in they use body fluids. It makes me wonder if people just fawn over it to sound cool or fit it, b/c I don't see the appeal either.


----------



## Not

Thanks you guys! I'm going to talk to him, tell him he's got a friend if he needs one. He seems to be a good guy but I don't think he sees what a mess he still is.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Hey, you do you. I hope you have a good time, but don't put too much pressure on yourself.


I'm feeling quite cozy so far with her, but I still don't know how long she's been single though... no idea how this will turn out lol



> I said Natural Science museum!
> 
> Have you seen some of that crap? Some of it IS literally crap, as in they use body fluids. It makes me wonder if people just fawn over it to sound cool or fit it, b/c I don't see the appeal either.


Omg it's not just us? So you too had someone jizzing all over the place and slapping his name on it calling it his masterpiece?! 🤦‍♂️


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Thanks you guys! I'm going to talk to him, tell him he's got a friend if he needs one. He seems to be a good guy but I don't think he sees what a mess he still is.


You're a real decent person to consider his state of mind and vulnerability, girl. Hopefully, he thinks about it and addresses it. That concern about blabbing about his finances so early is very legitimate. I can't imagine how that's anyone's business anyway unless you're talking marriage.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Thanks you guys! I'm going to talk to him, tell him he's got a friend if he needs one. He seems to be a good guy but I don't think he sees what a mess he still is.


Lol friend zoned


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I'm feeling quite cozy so far with her, but I still don't know how long she's been single though... no idea how this will turn out lol


And what could you do about it anyway? Don't worry about the outcome. I know, easier said than done, especially if you're really into someone.



RandomDude said:


> Omg it's not just us? So you too had someone jizzing all over the place and slapping his name on it calling it his masterpiece?! 🤦‍♂️


Oh no! They got to y'all down under too?! That stuff just disgusts me, and I regard anyone who eats it up enthusiastically as a dumbass.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol friend zoned


 I do truly believe he’s got a genuine interest in me but he’s just not ready! And he’ll do this Jekyll and Hyde thing. All gung ho and friendly and sweet but then he turns dark and broody. So yes definitely friend zoned! 😉


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> And what could you do about it anyway? Don't worry about the outcome. I know, easier said than done, especially if you're really into someone.


I think that's the problem bc we both been chatting and sharing so much naturally and found a mental connection already... raising the stakes... 

I just hope we can remain friends if things don't go well as I don't meet people like this often and last date has really made me appreciate someone I can mentally dive into, like really what a baby poll that one was.



> Oh no! They got to y'all down under too?! That stuff just disgusts me, and I regard anyone who eats it up enthusiastically as a dumbass.


Yes and reading the plague they are so proud of it! I thought whoever did that was unique but I guess not if its in the U.S. too, unless it's the same person jizzing all over the place and putting it in museums around the world... or maybe it's a trend now jizz-art


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I do truly believe he’s got a genuine interest in me but he’s just not ready! And he’ll do this Jekyll and Hyde thing. All gung ho and friendly and sweet but then he turns dark and broody. So yes definitely friend zoned! 😉


Guessing he's not hot enough for benefits either  speaking of which what happened with the other one?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Guessing he's not hot enough for benefits either  speaking of which what happened with the other one?


He wouldn't nail down an initial meet and after two weeks of that I said adios! Too flaky for me lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Well, taken writer girl out, was a nice lunch, we managed to work well in the escape room too and made it through to the end, had a drink after to celebrate, sat in a park, we were talking and laughing up until the very last moment, but we are both INTJs... 6 hrs and only ended because we both have places to be. We click. I like her 😊

She's also really sexy and gorgeous, in great shape, great fashion sense, longest natural lashes I've ever seen I was like do you know how jealous other women would be 😆 and she was like she hates them because it's in the way of her glasses, several naughty thoughts entered my mind in the escape room...

She remembered she promised a signed copy of her book and she actually brought it, but she forgot to bring a pen so I told her she'll just have to sign it next time 😌 hehe

Yeah going to keep seeing this one, there are a few things and she isn't as open, she has a loving family, she mentioned trauma but not from a relationship which I didn't push but I am concerned about but I'm sure she will reveal in time.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well, taken writer girl out, was a nice lunch, we managed to work well in the escape room too and made it through to the end, had a drink after to celebrate, sat in a park, we were talking and laughing up until the very last moment, but we are both INTJs... 6 hrs and only ended because we both have places to be. We click. I like her 😊
> 
> She's also really sexy and gorgeous, in great shape, great fashion sense, longest natural lashes I've ever seen I was like do you know how jealous other women would be 😆 and she was like she hates them because it's in the way of her glasses, several naughty thoughts entered my mind in the escape room...
> 
> She remembered she promised a signed copy of her book and she actually brought it, but she forgot to bring a pen so I told her she'll just have to sign it next time 😌 hehe
> 
> Yeah going to keep seeing this one, there are a few things and she isn't as open, she has a loving family, she mentioned trauma but not from a relationship which I didn't push but I am concerned about but I'm sure she will reveal in time.


Ah ha, so you did an escape room!

I'm glad you had fun, it sounds like it went really well and you guys are interested in each other. So.... did ya kiss her?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Ah ha, so you did an escape room!
> 
> I'm glad you had fun, it sounds like it went really well and you guys are interested in each other. So.... did ya kiss her?


Nah can sense her reservations and I have my own, going to take my time. I placed my arm around her once and leaned in for a whisper about something when we were at the park, her body was very tense and as such I didn't make any further physical advances. First meet and day date anyway so not for now...


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Nah can sense her reservations and I have my own, going to take my time. I placed my arm around her once and leaned in for a whisper about something when we were at the park, her body was very tense and as such I didn't make any further physical advances. First meet and day date anyway so not for now...


Damn son, you're making me feel bad now 😆 . My bf and I mauled each other immediately, been hot and heavy ever since.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Damn son, you're making me feel bad now 😆 . My bf and I mauled each other immediately, been hot and heavy ever since.


Yeah well there are some massive red flags for me, I'm still making up my mind too. I like her but still unsure, may make a thread about it later but maybe next week after I find out more info.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, I made a thread - private section, could use some INTJ input @TXTrini

Been reflecting this morning wtf... 3 months ago I was still whining about getting triggered by flashbacks about my ex, then from someone flirting with me at work persistently sparked a 2 month crush that resulted in me losing a friend (ms crutch) because she got jealous and wanted to be more than friends... only to have the crush ending so suddenly as well yet on my exit managed to meet another woman who now has peeked my interest.

What the hell!? Life 😑


----------



## Hiner112

It's interesting that @Not is having some second thoughts when it comes to the person that they're seeing because of them being financially well off and I recently had a bit of a realization about this myself. I knew that my girlfriend essentially worked out of obligation to the family business and not out of any need. I had thought it was mostly just the fact that she was in the military and had disability from that. 

I also knew some side things that indicated that should have been better clues to her _actual_ financial situation. For instance, she was a major when she got out and never had kids but she's said that saving for the future had been important for her piece of mind. I knew that she owned her house outright. I knew that she employed a financial planner to manage her money.

The trigger of my revelation was that I had complained that my withholding must have been messed up because I had to pay in ~$600 in federal taxes. She kind of laughed and said that she wished that her taxes were that cheap. She had to pay in $9000 into the federal taxes because of her investments. Assuming her financial planner isn't completely incompetent, I'm dating out of my tax bracket by a significant margin.

I don't think it will be a problem since but it is unexpected since I'm an engineer that works in one of the more expensive places in the country.


----------



## AVR1962

I hope everyone is doing well and that the mothers in the group had a wonderful day yesterday. I am feeling very confused and I am just going to spill it here. Next month marks 3 years of seeing the man I have referred to as my "tiger." Being single and keeping a small business running I tend to be quite busy, he also has a very demanding career and has 2 boys who are school age that he has shared custody of. He is 56, I am 59. We have been able to give each other time and space with each other's careers and our families. We get together when we can and go do something, catch up (we talk for hours), really do enjoy each other's company. Politically we agree, logically looking at various topics we connect and it is easy, he has told me that he is comfortable with me and has told me that says alot for a man. If I need support or advise on a subject he is the person I turn to. He is very supportive and helped shed light in areas that I was unsure about. Equally he has told me that he has shared things with me that he has never shared with another person. We have taken 3 trips together, never a dull moment. He and I have lots of energy and both are spontaneous. He does not drink, smoke, no drug use. I drink very little and I like doing everything sober (my ex was an alcoholic).

Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful. 

I have jumped in to relationships with both feet, met the family, became attached to the children, I was the stepmom who shoulders a majority of the care for my stepsons and I purposely have chosen a different route. I want to take my time, I want a concrete foundation, I want to be sure of who I am seeing and that those feelings are not just based on the hormones are brains get flooded with. I am not jumping into anything with anyone. I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.


----------



## leftfield

AVR1962 said:


> I hope everyone is doing well and that the mothers in the group had a wonderful day yesterday. I am feeling very confused and I am just going to spill it here. Next month marks 3 years of seeing the man I have referred to as my "tiger." Being single and keeping a small business running I tend to be quite busy, he also has a very demanding career and has 2 boys who are school age that he has shared custody of. He is 56, I am 59. We have been able to give each other time and space with each other's careers and our families. We get together when we can and go do something, catch up (we talk for hours), really do enjoy each other's company. Politically we agree, logically looking at various topics we connect and it is easy, he has told me that he is comfortable with me and has told me that says alot for a man. If I need support or advise on a subject he is the person I turn to. He is very supportive and helped shed light in areas that I was unsure about. Equally he has told me that he has shared things with me that he has never shared with another person. We have taken 3 trips together, never a dull moment. He and I have lots of energy and both are spontaneous. He does not drink, smoke, no drug use. I drink very little and I like doing everything sober (my ex was an alcoholic).
> 
> Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful.
> 
> I have jumped in to relationships with both feet, met the family, became attached to the children, I was the stepmom who shoulders a majority of the care for my stepsons and I purposely have chosen a different route. I want to take my time, I want a concrete foundation, I want to be sure of who I am seeing and that those feelings are not just based on the hormones are brains get flooded with. I am not jumping into anything with anyone. I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.


Why would anyone in their right mind take advice from this friend of yours? It seems that the only things she knows is: 'how to take advantage of others'.


----------



## Affaircare

AVR1962 said:


> ... Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful.
> 
> ... I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.


@AVR1962 ,

First, I'm sure you know that her "advise" is TERRIBLE! I mean...  I suspect you know this, but before anything else, I did want to say that out loud. Her concept of "love" is lust.

Second, why don't you just tell her something like "Thank you for sharing your opinion, but mine differs greatly and I do not want to discuss this. I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't want to share my opinion. I am happy as I am."? I mean put it into your own words, but just tell her you disagree and don't want her opinion. If she continues, just tell her that you're likely to cut back on your interactions because you respectfully requested that she stop, and she chose to railroad over your request.


----------



## In Absentia

Europeans are strange creatures...


----------



## jlg07

I agree with leftfield -- your friend has the morals of an alley cat and has NO IDEA what it means to be in a real relationship. She is a user -- I would take NO advice from her on anything to do with relationships at all.
If YOU and "tiger" are comfortable with what you have right now, then be comfortable and don't let your friend second guess you.
Here's a question -- with your work, etc., would you really have TIME to devote to him more than what you have now?


----------



## Openminded

@AVR1962, is this the same guy who told you he wanted to be FWB and not be tied down — or am I thinking of someone else?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I was thinking that things had ended with Tiger… 

Just tell your obnoxious friend that you are fine with things as they are and it’s not up for discussion. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## AVR1962

Affaircare said:


> @AVR1962 ,
> 
> First, I'm sure you know that her "advise" is TERRIBLE! I mean...  I suspect you know this, but before anything else, I did want to say that out loud. Her concept of "love" is lust.
> 
> Second, why don't you just tell her something like "Thank you for sharing your opinion, but mine differs greatly and I do not want to discuss this. I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't want to share my opinion. I am happy as I am."? I mean put it into your own words, but just tell her you disagree and don't want her opinion. If she continues, just tell her that you're likely to cut back on your interactions because you respectfully requested that she stop, and she chose to railroad over your request.


Yes, I do know her advise is terrible and yes, I have even told her that love is not those first stages of infatuation when the hormones are racing. I have told it is lust. She tells me that men know almost from their first date whether they want to marry you.....BS! She claims she has read all this in articles and listens to videos that same the same. It is mind boggling. I normally just do not give her information anymore but I sent her an article about taking things slowly and I got more than I expected from her reply. I just had to off load this crap, my cat covers her ears and doesn't listen, LOL!!!!!!


----------



## AVR1962

Openminded said:


> @AVR1962, is this the same guy who told you he wanted to be FWB and not be tied down — or am I thinking of someone else?


This guy never said he wanted to have a FWB relationship


----------



## AVR1962

jlg07 said:


> I agree with leftfield -- your friend has the morals of an alley cat and has NO IDEA what it means to be in a real relationship. She is a user -- I would take NO advice from her on anything to do with relationships at all.
> If YOU and "tiger" are comfortable with what you have right now, then be comfortable and don't let your friend second guess you.
> Here's a question -- with your work, etc., would you really have TIME to devote to him more than what you have now?


I will have a little more time once summer comes and am looking forward to it!!!!!!


----------



## AVR1962

In Absentia said:


> Europeans are strange creatures...


I lived in Europe for 16 years and have several European friends. They do think differently and the ladies that are my friends believe men do men's work and take care of their lady.


----------



## PieceOfSky

AVR1962 said:


> I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.


Be wary that some part of her, conscious or not, may have a desire to sabotage your successful relationship. Possible motives include envy, or simply trying to justify to herself your approach is inferior to hers.

Maybe acknowledge your advice might not have been welcomed, as you ask to mutually disengage from the topic.


----------



## In Absentia

AVR1962 said:


> I lived in Europe for 16 years and have several European friends. They do think differently and *the ladies that are my friends believe men do men's work and take care of their lady*.


I think you must have met the wrong people, honestly. Of course there are people who think like that in Europe, but it's a bit of a thing of the past. Not my experience at all.


----------



## Blondilocks

AVR1962 said:


> This guy never said he wanted to have a FWB relationship


What was "tiger's" response when you told him you were running to the dentist's rescue? Wasn't it something along the lines of you do you and he'll do him?
eta: 

posted 7-11-20


AVR1962 said:


> OldTimer, I saw the red flags. I broke things off with the ER doc shortly after my original post here. When I did I was shocked by his lack of expression or concern. Infact he offered that I could go to him for sex anytime which was the last thing I needed to hear.


I guess FWB is more accurate.


----------



## lifeistooshort

AVR, different people have different needs and their perspective is informed by those needs.

My best friend couldn't understand why my bf and I weren't proclaiming eternal love 3 months after we started dating.

Another friend can't understand why we don't really talk much about our future.

But I have other friends who understand completely because they think more like me. Neither bf or i are all that expressive and what we have works for us at the point we're at in our lives. While we haven't made long terms plans we talk often about what we'll do next fall/Christmas/etc, so clearly we're both in it for the foreseeable future. We're not expressive but I'd say we both behave in a loving manner. We're at 3 1/2 years.

But somehow I still manage friendships with the women who don't think like me, though in fairness nome of them are affair having trash.

Your friend doesn't have to agree with you. You can consider her thoughts or not, then you can either make clear that you're happy or just not share so much.


----------



## AVR1962

In Absentia said:


> I think you must have met the wrong people, honestly. Of course there are people who think like that in Europe, but it's a bit of a thing of the past. Not my experience at all.


I have 2 very good friends, one from Spain and one from Iceland. Both will do anything inside the house but believe men should do "men's work." My stepson married an Italian lady and it was the same thing. She expected to provided for very well.


----------



## AVR1962

lifeistooshort said:


> AVR, different people have different needs and their perspective is informed by those needs.
> 
> My best friend couldn't understand why my bf and I weren't proclaiming eternal love 3 months after we started dating.
> 
> Another friend can't understand why we don't really talk much about our future.
> 
> But I have other friends who understand completely because they think more like me. Neither bf or i are all that expressive and what we have works for us at the point we're at in our lives. While we haven't made long terms plans we talk often about what we'll do next fall/Christmas/etc, so clearly we're both in it for the foreseeable future. We're not expressive but I'd say we both behave in a loving manner. We're at 3 1/2 years.
> 
> But somehow I still manage friendships with the women who don't think like me, though in fairness nome of them are affair having trash.
> 
> Your friend doesn't have to agree with you. You can consider her thoughts or not, then you can either make clear that you're happy or just not share so much.


Thank you, that sounds like my situation and like yourself I get these reactions from my friends that he is not genuine because of this or that. I have stopped saying anything. Why can't our lady friends be happy for us and be supportive?


----------



## AVR1962

Blondilocks said:


> That did happen and we moved forward. We were not obligated to one another at the time and I can say we still are not. I ran from the ER doc initially, he treated me in a way I was not used to be treated and I took those as red flags. I was more of the thinking that men who really wanted to be with you were the type to come across with lots of words of adoration as this is what I was used to. In the beginning things were awkward and I was having trouble distinguishing between what words and actions meant from these men. I did break things off with the ER doc and I did help the dentist thru is cancer ordeal and was honest and upfront with ER doc about the situation. It did not sway the ER doc. All of that was 2 years ago.


----------



## AVR1962

PieceOfSky said:


> Be wary that some part of her, conscious or not, may have a desire to sabotage your successful relationship. Possible motives include envy, or simply trying to justify to herself your approach is inferior to hers.
> 
> Maybe acknowledge your advice might not have been welcomed, as you ask to mutually disengage from the topic.


Possibly! I did respond and I told her that this is who I want to be with now. It might not always be but time will tell and I will make that choice.


----------



## lifeistooshort

AVR1962 said:


> Thank you, that sounds like my situation and like yourself I get these reactions from my friends that he is not genuine because of this or that. I have stopped saying anything. Why can't our lady friends be happy for us and be supportive?


I think many times they're trying to be supportive, but just as you may not have considered that they have different needs and perspectives from you thet also haven't considered that you're not them. So unless you think it's coming from a malicious place I'd assume she's trying to help.

One thing that helped my best friend understand was when I pointed out that my family growing up (she knew them....we've been friends since we were 12 and we're the same age) wasn't very expressive. Yet we all knew we loved each other and we were very close in our own way.

She replied that her family was very expressive and I think that helped her better understand that we're different this way.

But we're also best friends and I have zero doubt that she's in my corner and wants the best for me. If I didn't think that I wouldn't have bothered.

Is this friend worth bothering with? Is she 100% in your corner? Use that to decide what you want to share and if you want to keep the friendship.


----------



## jlg07

AVR1962 said:


> I have 2 very good friends, one from Spain and one from Iceland. Both will do anything inside the house but believe men should do "men's work." My stepson married an Italian lady and it was the same thing. She expected to provided for very well.


Ah, but do those women expect the men to take care of them forever and they can go out and have affairs and expect the men to take that??


----------



## minimalME

jlg07 said:


> Ah, but do those women expect the men to take care of them forever and they can go out and have affairs and expect the men to take that??


There are many places around the world where affairs are part of life.


----------



## jlg07

minimalME said:


> There are many places around the world where affairs are part of life.


I'm REALLY glad I don't live there. WHY accept ****ty behavior?


----------



## RandomDude

jlg07 said:


> I'm REALLY glad I don't live there. WHY accept ****ty behavior?


Lol are you sure? Cheating is socially accepted and common, it's become a part of life I found. I just make sure it's not part of mine 😝


----------



## jlg07

Just because it is becoming the "in" thing to do, cheating SUCKS. I don't care if some view it as acceptable. It destroys the marriage, the family, friends, etc.. It's always been around, so in that sense it's part of life, but it still isn't an acceptable part in my view.


----------



## RandomDude

jlg07 said:


> Just because it is becoming the "in" thing to do, cheating SUCKS. I don't care if some view it as acceptable. It destroys the marriage, the family, friends, etc.. It's always been around, so in that sense it's part of life, but it still isn't an acceptable part in my view.


Nor should it be, but alas, the world spins on its own.


----------



## TurnedTurtle

I have been separated for over 6 months after 28 years married/33 living together - we have reached a divorce settlement agreement, just a couple months of formalities before its final. Time to join Singles of TAM?


----------



## Not

I have a date tonight with my first introvert lol! This might be trouble because of me being introverted as well, conversation may get kind of rough. 

He’s taking me axe throwing. His idea. It’s something I’ve actually been wanting to try for a while so I’m totally down for this. Afterwards I’m taking him out for dinner cause I know we’re both gonna be starving by then. 

The place I’m taking him to dinner for is a place that tank and I used to frequent. It’s a dive bar but with great food and live music. At first I thought maybe I would regret taking a date there due to memories but it’s right around the corner from the axe throwing place and I’ve decided to push through with it to see if it will actually be an ok experience. I can’t hide out from these places forever.

I guess I’m mostly worried that tank will end up showing up, but I know I have to push through with that as well. I haven’t seen him in almost 8 months so I don’t know how that would go. I have this really stupid fear of running into him.


----------



## minimalME

I hope you have a wonderful evening, @Not! 🤗


----------



## Not

minimalME said:


> I hope you have a wonderful evening, @Not! 🤗


Thank you!


----------



## In Absentia

Axe throwing? I guess, if you don't like your date, you can cut it short...


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I have a date tonight with my first introvert lol! This might be trouble because of me being introverted as well, conversation may get kind of rough.
> 
> He’s taking me axe throwing. His idea. It’s something I’ve actually been wanting to try for a while so I’m totally down for this. Afterwards I’m taking him out for dinner cause I know we’re both gonna be starving by then.
> 
> The place I’m taking him to dinner for is a place that tank and I used to frequent. It’s a dive bar but with great food and live music. At first I thought maybe I would regret taking a date there due to memories but it’s right around the corner from the axe throwing place and I’ve decided to push through with it to see if it will actually be an ok experience. I can’t hide out from these places forever.
> 
> I guess I’m mostly worried that tank will end up showing up, but I know I have to push through with that as well. I haven’t seen him in almost 8 months so I don’t know how that would go. I have this really stupid fear of running into him.


Lol the woman I'm seeing now is introverted too!

My first date with her was in a place my ex and I have also been before, so the memories did come back, but facing them and having a new experience did help as now I associate it more neutrally. But second date and third date was all her ideas, and it was much better, places I would never have thought to go. Either way - all 3 were good - but do let him take the lead and be open to new experiences!

I haven't seen my ex for 9 almost 10 months now either, like you it seems my ex still creeps up in my mind from time to time though - both the good and the bad.

Have fun and definitely let us know how it goes!


----------



## joannacroc

So...I joined a few local groups for various activities I enjoy because most of my good friends sadly live far away or have packed work schedules and kids. I went on my 1st activity with one group and got a message from the founder who I had chatted with a bit (we all have a natter while we're walking) saying it was nice to meet you and thanks for coming. I figured it was a standardized response to newcomers so I didn't respond. Went on a second activity with them and got an odd message saying "hello joannacroc. Do you like pick nicks." I am unsure what this means. Do you think they are asking the whole group this question to better determine future activities? If it is an invite just for me, I would politely decline but the message was so brief I honestly can't tell. Verdict? General polling or something else?


----------



## Affaircare

@joannacroc ,

I have to be honest--the Grammar Nazi in me was puzzled about what the heck a "pick nick" was for about 2 minutes. Who likes to pick nicks? (There's a nick...over there! Let's pick him!). 

Naturally I figured it out eventually (after giggling quite a bit). I don't think I'd be very interested in a person who didn't know how to spell picnic or punctuate with a question mark. But based on just this one sentence "Do you like picnics?" it's hard to tell if that's general polling or something else. 

Since your answer to anything OTHER than general polling would be a "no"--why don't you just respond with "I would attend a picnic as a future activity for the whole group, but I would say 'no thank you' to a personal invitation to a picnic"?


----------



## joannacroc

Affaircare said:


> @joannacroc ,
> 
> I have to be honest--the Grammar Nazi in me was puzzled about what the heck a "pick nick" was for about 2 minutes. Who likes to pick nicks? (There's a nick...over there! Let's pick him!).
> 
> Naturally I figured it out eventually (after giggling quite a bit). I don't think I'd be very interested in a person who didn't know how to spell picnic or punctuate with a question mark. But based on just this one sentence "Do you like picnics?" it's hard to tell if that's general polling or something else.
> 
> Since your answer to anything OTHER than general polling would be a "no"--why don't you just respond with *"I would attend a picnic as a future activity for the whole group, but I would say 'no thank you' to a personal invitation to a picnic*"?


You don't think it might be a bit presumptuous if they were asking for the whole group? P.s. granted without the space but picknick is actually an archaic spelling for picnic and the one I grew up with. The space was a typo. My bad.


----------



## Blondilocks

joannacroc said:


> You don't think it might be a bit presumptuous if they were asking for the whole group? P.s. granted without the space *but picknick is actually an archaic spelling for picnic and the one I grew up with.* The space was a typo. My bad.


Just how old are you? j/k


----------



## Quad73

joannacroc said:


> So...I joined a few local groups for various activities I enjoy because most of my good friends sadly live far away or have packed work schedules and kids. I went on my 1st activity with one group and got a message from the founder who I had chatted with a bit (we all have a natter while we're walking) saying it was nice to meet you and thanks for coming. I figured it was a standardized response to newcomers so I didn't respond. Went on a second activity with them and got an odd message saying "hello joannacroc. Do you like pick nicks." I am unsure what this means. Do you think they are asking the whole group this question to better determine future activities? If it is an invite just for me, I would politely decline but the message was so brief I honestly can't tell. Verdict? General polling or something else?


I'd just leave the question itself unanswered and message back 'Is this with the group and if so what day?' That might clear it up pretty quickly.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I have a date tonight with my first introvert lol! This might be trouble because of me being introverted as well, conversation may get kind of rough.
> 
> He’s taking me axe throwing. His idea. It’s something I’ve actually been wanting to try for a while so I’m totally down for this. Afterwards I’m taking him out for dinner cause I know we’re both gonna be starving by then.
> 
> The place I’m taking him to dinner for is a place that tank and I used to frequent. It’s a dive bar but with great food and live music. At first I thought maybe I would regret taking a date there due to memories but it’s right around the corner from the axe throwing place and I’ve decided to push through with it to see if it will actually be an ok experience. I can’t hide out from these places forever.
> 
> I guess I’m mostly worried that tank will end up showing up, but I know I have to push through with that as well. I haven’t seen him in almost 8 months so I don’t know how that would go. I have this really stupid fear of running into him.


Your first introvert?? Really??? I couldn't imagine wanting to date an extrovert! I already don't do people before coffee unless it's very nice... _Borat voice_.

How was it?? Dying to hear!


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> So...I joined a few local groups for various activities I enjoy because most of my good friends sadly live far away or have packed work schedules and kids. I went on my 1st activity with one group and got a message from the founder who I had chatted with a bit (we all have a natter while we're walking) saying it was nice to meet you and thanks for coming. I figured it was a standardized response to newcomers so I didn't respond. Went on a second activity with them and got an odd message saying "hello joannacroc. Do you like pick nicks." I am unsure what this means. Do you think they are asking the whole group this question to better determine future activities? If it is an invite just for me, I would politely decline but the message was so brief I honestly can't tell. Verdict? General polling or something else?


No clue. I suck at deciphering people who beat around the bush. 

DO you like picnics?? The only ones I ever did involve taking food to the beach because we were there all day. If you like em, you could just say yes, if not just be honest. 

If you presume the dude is hinting around asking you out, that would be more awkward than if he meant as a group event. I take it you're ambivalent or uninterested in him as a potential date?


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> No clue. I suck at deciphering people who beat around the bush.
> 
> DO you like picnics?? The only ones I ever did involve taking food to the beach because we were there all day. If you like em, you could just say yes, if not just be honest.
> 
> If you presume the dude is hinting around asking you out, that would be more awkward than if he meant as a group event. I take it you're ambivalent or uninterested in him as a potential date?


LOL thank god I'm not the only one. 

I think it would be weird and awkward if it IS leading up to an invitation for a date, since I like the other folks in the group and am hoping it might lead to some friendships. He is physically quite attractive but made a sort of off color remark that put me off a bit, not enough to stop going on outings with the group but certainly enough to tell me I wouldn't have any romantic interest in him. Character is important.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> LOL thank god I'm not the only one.
> 
> I think it would be weird and awkward if it IS leading up to an invitation for a date, since I like the other folks in the group and am hoping it might lead to some friendships. He is physically quite attractive but made a sort of off color remark that put me off a bit, not enough to stop going on outings with the group but certainly enough to tell me I wouldn't have any romantic interest in him. Character is important.


Oooooh what off-color remark? I'm curious!

Nah, you're not the only one. I have to remind my bf often if you want me to understand what you want, give it to me straight, I don't have the patience to pussyfoot around issues. 

I wouldn't judge him for being awkward leading up to asking you out (if that's the case), asking someone out is awkward and frightening when you have no idea what the response would be.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> Oooooh what off-color remark? I'm curious!
> 
> Nah, you're not the only one. I have to remind my bf often if you want me to understand what you want, give it to me straight, I don't have the patience to pussyfoot around issues.
> 
> I wouldn't judge him for being awkward leading up to asking you out (if that's the case), asking someone out is awkward and frightening when you have no idea what the response would be.


It was a not kind remark about waiting for a different server for the group order because the Latina server "wouldn't understand a word of what I'm saying. None of them speak English." She did in fact speak fluent English as I found out later when I asked her directions to the restroom.

It struck an off-key chord with me as being a bit racist, and at the same time seemed rather hypocritical since as an English Language Learner, I would think he would have some empathy for and admiration for the efforts that people go to who move here and have to learn a new language in order to navigate this country. I am in languages as my field of work, so I am especially passionate about language learning, respect for other cultures and people. Maybe some would have agreed with him, but it definitely told me he isn't someone I would ever be romantically interested in because we have opposing views on this issue. I find kindness and intelligence attractive.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> It was a not kind remark about waiting for a different server for the group order because the Latina server "wouldn't understand a word of what I'm saying. None of them speak English." She did in fact speak fluent English as I found out later when I asked her directions to the restroom.
> 
> It struck an off-key chord with me as being a bit racist, and at the same time seemed rather hypocritical since as an English Language Learner, I would think he would have some empathy for and admiration for the efforts that people go to who move here and have to learn a new language in order to navigate this country. I am in languages as my field of work, so I am especially passionate about language learning, respect for other cultures and people. Maybe some would have agreed with him, but it definitely told me he isn't someone I would ever be romantically interested in because we have opposing views on this issue. I find kindness and intelligence attractive.


Reminds me of all the dumbass comments past work crush used to make, I tried to forgive everything because she was super hot and flirty but eventually I couldn't stand it anymore even when all the blood rushed to my groin and my brain was operated by a skeleton crew. Just different wavelengths I guess.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> It was a not kind remark about waiting for a different server for the group order because the Latina server "wouldn't understand a word of what I'm saying. None of them speak English." She did in fact speak fluent English as I found out later when I asked her directions to the restroom.
> 
> It struck an off-key chord with me as being a bit racist, and at the same time seemed rather hypocritical since as an English Language Learner, I would think he would have some empathy for and admiration for the efforts that people go to who move here and have to learn a new language in order to navigate this country. I am in languages as my field of work, so I am especially passionate about language learning, respect for other cultures and people. Maybe some would have agreed with him, but it definitely told me he isn't someone I would ever be romantically interested in because we have opposing views on this issue. *I find kindness and intelligence attractive.*


Yeah, he made an ass out of himself with his assumptions. Especially as you said, he has ESL. I definitely see why you're not interested, one day he'd disparage who he was with.


----------



## TurnedTurtle

like to pick nicks? I'm thinking maybe this is not about a picnic but possibly about "picking nits"? maybe?

pick nits

phrase of nit


North American
look for and criticize small or insignificant faults or errors; nitpick.
"stop picking nits, you know exactly what I mean"


----------



## joannacroc

TurnedTurtle said:


> like to pick nicks? I'm thinking maybe this is not about a picnic but possibly about "picking nits"? maybe?
> 
> pick nits
> 
> phrase of nit
> 
> 
> North American
> look for and criticize small or insignificant faults or errors; nitpick.
> "stop picking nits, you know exactly what I mean"


Haha Maybe you're right but I have learned to pay attention to people's behavior early on. The way you treat servers is a good indicator of the kind of person you are. Snide remarks? Not for me. Kind and respectful? Yes please. Total turn on. Perhaps it was early time in the hospitality industry. But I found it a total turn off. And I get it was one comment. But I have learned over time to listen to those early red flags. It would be pretty presumptuous of me to assume he was romantically interested anyway hence my initial question here. I couldn't understand the message so I asked. I appreciate your taking the time to respond as I value other people's opinions.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> Haha Maybe you're right but I have learned to pay attention to people's behavior early on. The way you treat servers is a good indicator of the kind of person you are. Snide remarks? Not for me. Kind and respectful? Yes please. Total turn on. Perhaps it was early time in the hospitality industry. But I found it a total turn off. And I get it was one comment. But I have learned over time to listen to those early red flags. It would be pretty presumptuous of me to assume he was romantically interested anyway hence my initial question here. I couldn't understand the message so I asked. I appreciate your taking the time to respond as I value other people's opinions.


He probably sees it as something he can be proud of - I CAN SPEAK ENGLASH!! (🤦‍♂️) - and has assumed some sense of superiority over other ESL speakers lol - it is quite pathetic and one day he may come to be ashamed of his behaviour.


----------



## RandomDude

@Not

I'm guessing the date went well?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Your first introvert?? Really??? I couldn't imagine wanting to date an extrovert! I already don't do people before coffee unless it's very nice... _Borat voice_.
> 
> How was it?? Dying to hear!


I prefer extroverts because I'm so damn quiet lol! As long as they're ok with me being me I love extroverted men. 


RandomDude said:


> @Not
> 
> I'm guessing the date went well?


The axe throwing was not as easy as it looks lol! I had fun making a fool out of myself though. 😉

As for the date itself, meh. He reminded me too much of my exH. Can't put my finger on exactly what it was though and I didn't have enough interest to find out why. 

Onward and upward. I'm meeting with Joe tomorrow after work. He's been stalking me since the fall on every app I've been using. FB and Bumble multiple times since October and now POF. Yes, I joined last week out of sick curiosity lol! Not really interested in him per se but curious as about his persistence. If he's a dud, no harm no foul. Right?


----------



## Not

I'm trying to be lighthearted and stay busy, keep my mind occupied but inside I'm a freaking mess. I posted awhile back about the nails in my tires. Six weeks later I was woke by someone pounding on my bedroom window at 1 AM. The force of the pounding was what got to me the most. I've been sort of a mess since. It's been five weeks since the pounding on my window and I'm a nervous wreck. Just so on edge waiting to see if anything else is going to happen and really no one to talk to. 

I've told my sister but I don't want to let her know how worried I am. I don't want to worry her. She is tracking my location so she always know where I am but she's hundreds of miles away. I did file a police report. The only person on the planet who could have a problem with me is Tank. They have his name, number and address. 

I keep trying to rationalize, to explain it away as something else but only a handful of people know where I live and only 2, outside of family, know where my bedroom window is and I haven't seen one of those two since 2019. I don't WANT to think it's him but there's no one else. I've wracked my brain and talked with both my girls, they have no problems with any of their friends. It can't be pranksters because it's pitch black out there at night and too many obstacles to trip and fall over. You would have to know the terrain to get to my window.

I've changed my locks. I've had my gun on my nightstand since that night. The waiting and not knowing is kicking my butt. If anything is going to happen I wish it would hurry up and just happen so I can file a restraining order.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> I'm trying to be lighthearted and stay busy, keep my mind occupied but inside I'm a freaking mess. I posted awhile back about the nails in my tires. Six weeks later I was woke by someone pounding on my bedroom window at 1 AM. The force of the pounding was what got to me the most. I've been sort of a mess since. It's been five weeks since the pounding on my window and I'm a nervous wreck. Just so on edge waiting to see if anything else is going to happen and really no one to talk to.
> 
> I've told my sister but I don't want to let her know how worried I am. I don't want to worry her. She is tracking my location so she always know where I am but she's hundreds of miles away. I did file a police report. The only person on the planet who could have a problem with me is Tank. They have his name, number and address.
> 
> I keep trying to rationalize, to explain it away as something else but only a handful of people know where I live and only 2, outside of family, know where my bedroom window is and I haven't seen one of those two since 2019. I don't WANT to think it's him but there's no one else. I've wracked my brain and talked with both my girls, they have no problems with any of their friends. It can't be pranksters because it's pitch black out there at night and too many obstacles to trip and fall over. You would have to know the terrain to get to my window.
> 
> I've changed my locks. I've had my gun on my nightstand since that night. The waiting and not knowing is kicking my butt. If anything is going to happen I wish it would hurry up and just happen so I can file a restraining order.


YIKES!!! You didn't get a look at who was out there?


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> YIKES!!! You didn't get a look at who was out there?


It was to dark. I stood still and listened but couldn't hear anything. No foot steps either walking or running and no visible foot steps in the grass the next morning.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> It was to dark. I stood still and listened but couldn't hear anything. No foot steps either walking or running and no visible foot steps in the grass the next morning.


That is scary!!! Do you think Tank would make an effort like that to not be seen? It seems to me like he would want you to know it was him...? 

Have you thought of motion-activated cameras? There are some that aren't too expensive or difficult to install, and have night vision as well.


----------



## Not

Do you really think so? I figured if it is him he’s doing it out of anger to cause fear and wouldn’t want to be caught. He has to know I would suspect him though. I don’t know what the heck to think. If it’s him, I hope he’s gotten it out of his system and will move on.

I did have a motive for sharing this here. I want my concerns to be documented. My kids, my sister and my boss all know. They just don’t know how nervous I am. I want this “out there”. 

And my bro-in-law suggested the cameras too. That will be my next step if anything else happens.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> Do you really think so? I figured if it is him he’s doing it out of anger to cause fear and wouldn’t want to be caught. He has to know I would suspect him though. I don’t know what the heck to think. If it’s him, I hope he’s gotten it out of his system and will move on.
> 
> I did have a motive for sharing this here. I want my concerns to be documented. My kids, my sister and my boss all know. They just don’t know how nervous I am. I want this “out there”.
> 
> And my bro-in-law suggested the cameras too. That will be my next step if anything else happens.


I'm really not sure, but I would think based on the things you've said about how everything ended that he would want you to know, for the attention.

But I don't know if that's really even better, because who else and WHY, if not Tank?? That's scary to contemplate too...

Definitely do the cameras, and motion-activated lights are great too!! If you get the solar-powered ones, they are super-easy to install!


----------



## Openminded

I wouldn’t wait to install cameras and motion sensors until something else happens. You don’t know what you’re dealing with. I didn’t have any of that until a couple of years ago because I didn’t think it was necessary. Turns out it was.


----------



## lifeistooshort

@Not, why don't you put some cameras up?

They're cheap and easy and if you wanted you could add an alarm service.


----------



## Not

I do have the motion lights out back and turned on every night now. I had never used them until now. I get angry thinking about installing cameras. That feels like he’s controlling me and I refuse to let him do that. I know how counter productive that sounds but I’m that angry.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> I do have the motion lights out back and turned on every night now. I had never used them until now. I get angry thinking about installing cameras. That feels like he’s controlling me and I refuse to let him do that. I know how counter productive that sounds but I’m that angry.


I don't blame you, but the cameras would actually prevent him from controlling you, and anyone else for that matter.

Having video proof of someone trying to intimidate or harm you puts YOU totally back in control!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I'm trying to be lighthearted and stay busy, keep my mind occupied but inside I'm a freaking mess. I posted awhile back about the nails in my tires. Six weeks later I was woke by someone pounding on my bedroom window at 1 AM. The force of the pounding was what got to me the most. I've been sort of a mess since. It's been five weeks since the pounding on my window and I'm a nervous wreck. Just so on edge waiting to see if anything else is going to happen and really no one to talk to.
> 
> I've told my sister but I don't want to let her know how worried I am. I don't want to worry her. She is tracking my location so she always know where I am but she's hundreds of miles away. I did file a police report. The only person on the planet who could have a problem with me is Tank. They have his name, number and address.
> 
> I keep trying to rationalize, to explain it away as something else but only a handful of people know where I live and only 2, outside of family, know where my bedroom window is and I haven't seen one of those two since 2019. I don't WANT to think it's him but there's no one else. I've wracked my brain and talked with both my girls, they have no problems with any of their friends. It can't be pranksters because it's pitch black out there at night and too many obstacles to trip and fall over. You would have to know the terrain to get to my window.
> 
> I've changed my locks. I've had my gun on my nightstand since that night. The waiting and not knowing is kicking my butt. If anything is going to happen I wish it would hurry up and just happen so I can file a restraining order.


Whoa!!! I'd be a freaking mess too and probably get in trouble for shooting someone through the window. I have to agree with the others, love. You need to install motion-activated lights and cameras NOW.


----------



## pastasauce79

Not said:


> I do have the motion lights out back and turned on every night now. I had never used them until now. I get angry thinking about installing cameras. That feels like he’s controlling me and I refuse to let him do that. I know how counter productive that sounds but I’m that angry.


Install a camera. We have a little motion sensor camera facing our camper. The sensor sends an alarm to my husband's phone and he can talk to whoever is around the camper. It's pretty cool. He can talk to me when I open the camper door while he's at work. It also records activity 24-7.


----------



## lifeistooshort

LisaDiane said:


> I don't blame you, but the cameras would actually prevent him from controlling you, and anyone else for that matter.
> 
> Having video proof of someone trying to intimidate or harm you puts YOU totally back in control!


Agreed. My ex put them up when one of his neighbors started threatening him. He caught the idiot sticking his drunk face in the camera and breaking it.

Of course the feed isn't in the camera but a drunk doesn't realize that. The neighbor went to jail and had to do community service and pay my ex $100.

Ex never cashed the check...he framed it and hung it up in his kitchen.

Neighbor stopped bothering him. It's been a few years now and I hear some greetings have been exchanged.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I prefer extroverts because I'm so damn quiet lol! As long as they're ok with me being me I love extroverted men.
> 
> 
> The axe throwing was not as easy as it looks lol! I had fun making a fool out of myself though. 😉
> 
> As for the date itself, meh. He reminded me too much of my exH. Can't put my finger on exactly what it was though and I didn't have enough interest to find out why.
> 
> Onward and upward. I'm meeting with Joe tomorrow after work. He's been stalking me since the fall on every app I've been using. FB and Bumble multiple times since October and now POF. Yes, I joined last week out of sick curiosity lol! Not really interested in him per se but curious as about his persistence. If he's a dud, no harm no foul. Right?


Lol, yeah extroverts are easier in that regard, they can take the lead in conversations, and they never shut up. Can sit back relax and listen.
I'm actually quite lucky my date is more ambiverted, I don't think I can go full introvert.

I would find persistent people a tad freaky...


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I do have the motion lights out back and turned on every night now. I had never used them until now. I get angry thinking about installing cameras. That feels like he’s controlling me and I refuse to let him do that. I know how counter productive that sounds but I’m that angry.


Really? Could it really be him?

Install cameras could just be a burglar or someone else from your past or a stalker.

You have castle doctrine? You can try a bear trap too.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

I used to be an extrovert, loved partying, clubbing, socialising, could talk for hours. Now I'm an introvert and dislike most people lol.


----------



## RandomDude

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I used to be an extrovert, loved partying, clubbing, socialising, could talk for hours. Now I'm an introvert and dislike most people lol.


I'm an extrovert when drunk


----------



## TXTrini

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I used to be an extrovert, loved partying, clubbing, socialising, could talk for hours. Now I'm an introvert and dislike most people lol.


This has always been me! 


RandomDude said:


> I'm an extrovert when drunk


I've never been drunk, tipsy maybe once in my 30's. Never saw the point in it.


----------



## Openminded

@Not, think of needing to install cameras as a potential life-saver. I always thought they were a waste of money until the day I needed them. Now I can’t imagine what I did without them. Get angry at him all you want because you need them but get them.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

TXTrini said:


> This has always been me!
> 
> I've never been drunk, tipsy maybe once in my 30's. Never saw the point in it.


When I'm drunk which is rare I can talk a lot and say what I think lol. Or I get the fits of giggles haha.


----------



## TXTrini

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> When I'm drunk which is rare I can talk a lot and say what I think lol. Or I get the fits of giggles haha.


Unfortunately I do that sober, so it's terrifying to think about me drunk 😬


----------



## LisaDiane

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> I used to be an extrovert, loved partying, clubbing, socialising, could talk for hours. Now I'm an introvert and dislike most people lol.


My daughter (who is extremely introverted) has a t-shirt that says, "I used to be a people person...but then people ruined it"...Lol!! It always makes me laugh!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol, yeah extroverts are easier in that regard, they can take the lead in conversations, and they never shut up. Can sit back relax and listen.
> I'm actually quite lucky my date is more ambiverted, I don't think I can go full introvert.
> 
> I would find persistent people a tad freaky...


I think I could do well with an ambivert. Two introverts would be good in that they get each other but man, it would be very quiet lol! 

And persistent guy was getting on my nerves for awhile but I think he's genuine. Spoke to him over the phone the other night and he's alright. Probably not going to click well with him though. His kids are young, mine are grown. Two different places in life. But I'm getting myself out there and meeting people! I'm at least moving lol!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Really? Could it really be him?
> 
> Install cameras could just be a burglar or someone else from your past or a stalker.
> 
> You have castle doctrine? You can try a bear trap too.
> 
> View attachment 87227


 If only lol! I'd get one with no spikes just to scare the absolute ****e out of who over is doing this lol!


----------



## Not

Irony. Tank actually helped me pick out a video security system for the front of my place but we never got it set up. It's in my bedroom closet, still in the box. I know exH would help me get it set up. He would want our daughters to be protected while this is going on. 

I can be stubborn as all get out but would love to actually have screen shots of said idiot/jerk/moron. See? I'm still kinda mad lol!


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> Irony. Tank actually helped me pick out a video security system for the front of my place but we never got it set up. It's in my bedroom closet, still in the box. I know exH would help me get it set up. He would want our daughters to be protected while this is going on.
> 
> I can be stubborn as all get out but would love to actually have screen shots of said idiot/jerk/moron. See? I'm still kinda mad lol!


GOOD. You should be! And you need to give it right back...especially if it's Tank!!


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy

LisaDiane said:


> My daughter (who is extremely introverted) has a t-shirt that says, "I used to be a people person...but then people ruined it"...Lol!! It always makes me laugh!


I want one of those t shirts lol.


----------



## Hiner112

My kids each have a t-shirt that has "I came, I saw / I had anxiety / so I left".


----------



## Hiner112

I had an interesting discussion with my girlfriend yesterday.

When I entered the dating pool again, I had kind of expected that I'd probably be the significantly better off than most of the people I dated since I had an engineering degree and had been working professionally for more than a decade. Even after the divorce cut everything in half.

My girlfriend graduated at 22 (not 26 like me). She was immediately an officer in the army so she was working professionally in her early 20s (unlike how I didn't get a job requiring my degree until I was 30). She didn't have any college debt (ROTC scholarship) and never ended up having kids (deployed all of the time so never had a chance to settle down). She literally couldn't spend the money as fast as she made it so she saved it. She was married for a few years after she got out of the military but that was _after_ she'd already saved all of her money so her savings wasn't cut in half at 40 like me.

Long story short-ish, when the kids move out, I should just apply for the job of her boy toy  . That's not actually serious but after being the breadwinner all my life it's weird dating someone significantly better off.


----------



## AVR1962

I hope you do not feel inadequate or intimidated. For awhile I dated a man who made less than myself and he worked very hard. My career just pays more hourly. He would make comments about "having to work" and no one helped him. (no one helped me either) He referred to me as "money bags" and it was obvious he and I had lived at different levels in life. It did not break us but I felt uncomfortable, we did not stay together.


----------



## Hiner112

I will almost certainly call her "Ma'am" sometimes (I was enlisted) and/or joke about being her boy toy (she's two months older so probably only August-September). I'd be going for an "oh, shoot" reaction from her. Mostly I'm just looking forward to not fighting about money like I did with my ex.


----------



## Not

Still forging ahead on the dating frontline. Another date down but a friend was made. Next date is today after work, almost 9 years younger and very gung ho, good energy. He lives 5 minutes away! I know better but I'm still hoping this one isn't a dud. It would be awesome to meet someone who lives so close and have it work out. 

BTW, this doesn't put me in cougar territory does it?


----------



## Numb26

Not said:


> Still forging ahead on the dating frontline. Another date down but a friend was made. Next date is today after work, almost 9 years younger and very gung ho, good energy. He lives 5 minutes away! I know better but I'm still hoping this one isn't a dud. It would be awesome to meet someone who lives so close and have it work out.
> 
> BTW, this doesn't put me in cougar territory does it?


I think 15 years is the rule of thumb


----------



## Not

Numb26 said:


> I think 15 years is the rule of thumb


Ok good lol!


----------



## Affaircare




----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Still forging ahead on the dating frontline. Another date down but a friend was made. Next date is today after work, almost 9 years younger and very gung ho, good energy. He lives 5 minutes away! I know better but I'm still hoping this one isn't a dud. It would be awesome to meet someone who lives so close and have it work out.
> 
> BTW, this doesn't put me in cougar territory does it?


Ha! You're more open-minded than me, for sure! I went on one date with a 36 y/o (4 yrs younger) and it felt too weird. He was nice enough and well-spoken, but I couldn't take him seriously as a man. We wanted different things anyway, so we parted as friends.


----------



## Not

I found out last night he's about to turn 42 so he's just 8 years younger, I'll be 50 this summer lol! It doesn't bother me at all but I think it's because I don't feel my age. Never have. 

So far, he comes off as very well balanced. He jokes around quite a bit but has some serious opinions on relationship/life issues that are very well thought out. So he's got some depth and it all seems genuine, not like he's just trying to impress. 

And he's climbed the ladder very well at his job so this tells me his employer takes him seriously and respects him. So far so good but we still have to meet, it rained like crazy here yesterday so no meet. So today is D day. He's taking me for a ride on his Harley (big thumbs up!)..... vroom!


----------



## TurnedTurtle

Learning to date.... 

I'ld been with stbxw, "dating," then living together, then married, for a total of 35+ years -- more than half my life --and I never really did much "dating" prior to meeting her (i.e. I had friends that were girls, but never any real girlfriends). So here I am, approaching age 60, on Match, learning to date...

My therapist tells me I don't have decide after any set number of dates, or whatever, if this person is "the one," I only have to decide after each date whether I want to have another date with that person again (assuming they want to, too, of course). Phew, that takes the pressure off! ;-)


----------



## Not

Two dates down, two men and nuthin. Anyone have experience with Zoosk? I'm thinking about trying it.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> Two dates down, two men and nuthin. Anyone have experience with Zoosk? I'm thinking about trying it.


"Nuthin"...?? What about the younger Harley guy? You didn't like him?


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> "Nuthin"...?? What about the younger Harley guy? You didn't like him?


He would have been a decent prospect but literally just got out of a year long relationship. Didn't share that info with me right away. I won't date anyone who's that fresh out. To many potential issues. Second guy was extremely religious. So yeah...


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Two dates down, two men and nuthin. Anyone have experience with Zoosk? I'm thinking about trying it.


Only apps I'm using now is Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, I met quite a lot through those two, quality too - date wise at least, but nothing to get me off the single status thus far.

It's just like Tinder but with preferences and generally better matches.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Only apps I'm using now is Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, I met quite a lot through those two, quality too - date wise at least, but nothing to get me off the single status thus far.
> 
> It's just like Tinder but with preferences and generally better matches.


I tried Hinge recently but it must be fairly new to most in my area because there were very few men who lived close by. I liked it though.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I tried Hinge recently but it must be fairly new to most in my area because there were very few men who lived close by. I liked it though.


Yeah it seems to be not as popular yet, I ran out of matches on it, same with CMB. Bumble seems to be loaded, it doesn't have a race filter though, I was about to uninstall if I didn't get all these hits daily. Thankfully most of the women who like me are of my race lol


----------



## Hiner112

July 9th might be slightly awkward. My ex is having a family get together on the 9th. She said that she was looking forward to spending time with me and my new GF since I've made her sound interesting. I'm guessing that her new BF (FWB? or Mr. Right-Now) might be there so we could all hang out together.

On an unrelated note, my ex sometimes goes to me for advice about how to handle money but it's often after the mistake has been made. Like today she basically said, "I have a car payment I don't think I can afford, could I take money out of my 401k to pay for it?" _sigh_ You could but you shouldn't. (sell low, tax penalties, etc make this a terrible choice but it's almost certainly what she's going to do because she's got over 100k burning a hole in her pocket) She should have bought a car you could afford (or kept the paid for car you got in the divorce that had only _just_ been paid off). _sigh_

I'm glad that my GF seems to have a similar attitude about money since it was such a source of conflict in my past.


----------



## jlg07

Hmm, unless your GF is 100% onboard with the ex-W family get together, you may want to be "busy and can't attend".
I'm not sure I would do that -- but it does sound like you get along ok with your ex, so... who knows.


----------



## joannacroc

So..funny story. I joined a bunch of meetup groups to make some friends with zero intention of dating. However, a guy from one of them asked me out and he seemed nice and interesting so I went on a date with him this week. He is tall, extremely buff, like ridiculously so, and reasonably attractive, so half of me is wondering why this dude asked me out (I enjoy active lifestyle but am on the chubby side of healthy and you definitely won't find me flexing in the mirror). Usually dudes that look like that pair up with gym bunny types. 

However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!! 

Won't be doing that again.


----------



## TurnedTurtle

The problem with dating people my age is that they all look so old! I don't _feel_ as old as my age peers tend to look ... but then I don't really look at myself all that much either, so I wonder what they think when they look at _my_ profile? hopefully this: 

!


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> So..funny story. I joined a bunch of meetup groups to make some friends with zero intention of dating. However, a guy from one of them asked me out and he seemed nice and interesting so I went on a date with him this week. He is tall, extremely buff, like ridiculously so, and reasonably attractive, so half of me is wondering why this dude asked me out (I enjoy active lifestyle but am on the chubby side of healthy and you definitely won't find me flexing in the mirror). Usually dudes that look like that pair up with gym bunny types.
> 
> However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!!
> 
> Won't be doing that again.


At least he looks good. The worst is when grandpa comes out of the woodwork looking like grandpa. What the heck did you guys talk about??


----------



## heartsbeating

joannacroc said:


> So..funny story. I joined a bunch of meetup groups to make some friends with zero intention of dating. However, a guy from one of them asked me out and he seemed nice and interesting so I went on a date with him this week. He is tall, extremely buff, like ridiculously so, and reasonably attractive, so half of me is wondering why this dude asked me out (I enjoy active lifestyle but am on the chubby side of healthy and you definitely won't find me flexing in the mirror). Usually dudes that look like that pair up with gym bunny types.
> 
> However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!!
> 
> Won't be doing that again.


More importantly though  ...what did you wear in the end?


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> At least he looks good. The worst is when grandpa comes out of the woodwork looking like grandpa. What the heck did you guys talk about??


We share a hobby, so we talked a bit about that. We are both single parents so we talked about our kids for a bit. I have no idea honestly. 3 hours went by and I cannot even remember a single thing specifically. I was inwardly imagining snuggling at home with my dog most of the time.


----------



## Hiner112

joannacroc said:


> So..funny story. I joined a bunch of meetup groups to make some friends with zero intention of dating. However, a guy from one of them asked me out and he seemed nice and interesting so I went on a date with him this week. He is tall, extremely buff, like ridiculously so, and reasonably attractive, so half of me is wondering why this dude asked me out (I enjoy active lifestyle but am on the chubby side of healthy and you definitely won't find me flexing in the mirror). Usually dudes that look like that pair up with gym bunny types.
> 
> However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!!
> 
> Won't be doing that again.


If he's that well preserved and in shape, that number might not mean as much.


----------



## joannacroc

heartsbeating said:


> More importantly though  ...what did you wear in the end?


HAHA. Top, jeans, wedges. I even got a pedicure. At least my toes are pretty now?


----------



## joannacroc

Hiner112 said:


> If he's that well preserved and in shape, that number might not mean as much.


I doubt he'll have trouble getting someone else to go out with him. Probably someone way cuter. For other reasons, we're not a good match, but the age thing was a deal breaker. If I'm gonna date I'd rather date someone closer to my own age. We're just at different stages in our lives.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> HAHA. Top, jeans, wedges. I even got a pedicure. At least my toes are pretty now?


Sounds cute and comfy! Pretty toes make me happy, enjoy them! They last way longer than a manicure. 



joannacroc said:


> I doubt he'll have trouble getting someone else to go out with him. Probably someone way cuter. For other reasons, we're not a good match, but the age thing was a deal breaker. If I'm gonna date I'd rather date someone closer to my own age. We're just at different stages in our lives.


Age would be a deal-breaker for me too, I prefer someone closer to my age. Men die years before women, so I didn't see the point of dating a man too much older. I saw how my grandmother was after my grandpa died, and I don't want that.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. *This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!!*
> Won't be doing that again.


Well, I went online dating to avoid situations like this and I ended up with someone... 10 yrs younger 😑🤦‍♂️



TXTrini said:


> Age would be a deal-breaker for me too, I prefer someone closer to my age. Men die years before women, so I didn't see the point of dating a man too much older. *I saw how my grandmother was after my grandpa died, and I don't want that.*


To experience real love to the end, is it not worth it?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well, I went online dating to avoid situations like this and I ended up with someone... 10 yrs younger 😑🤦‍♂️
> 
> To experience real love to the end, is it not worth it?


Yes. But I didn't explain myself well. 

They were only 2 years apart in age, but she survived him over a decade, as most women do. I'm not interested in adding more years to that, which is why older men have never interested me for a serious relationship.


----------



## RebuildingMe

joannacroc said:


> We share a hobby, so we talked a bit about that. We are both single parents so we talked about our kids for a bit. I have no idea honestly. 3 hours went by and I cannot even remember a single thing specifically. I was inwardly imagining snuggling at home with my dog most of the time.


Wow. When I am on a first date I can’t imagine the chick thinking of snuggling with her dog. Then again, I don’t date girls half my age. Sorry it didn’t work out.


----------



## AVR1962

joannacroc said:


> So..funny story. I joined a bunch of meetup groups to make some friends with zero intention of dating. However, a guy from one of them asked me out and he seemed nice and interesting so I went on a date with him this week. He is tall, extremely buff, like ridiculously so, and reasonably attractive, so half of me is wondering why this dude asked me out (I enjoy active lifestyle but am on the chubby side of healthy and you definitely won't find me flexing in the mirror). Usually dudes that look like that pair up with gym bunny types.
> 
> However, as the conversation progresses and we talk about our lives that he is at LEAST 20 years older than me and is very well preserved. I would have pegged him around 5 or 6 years older than me. This is the danger of dating "organically." There is no information on age etc.!!!
> 
> Won't be doing that again.


You going to see him again or is the age difference a factor for you?


----------



## AVR1962

Funny story here....last Saturday I went to get my oil changed in my car. I was already in the system where I took my car. I go to the waiting room and the man who helped me at the desk comes in and sits down across from me and starts asking asking me questions, personal information. He then tells me that he is married and has an adult son, that he has been in the area for 7 months and his wife and son have not visited since he has been in the area. He tells me that he goes out and has a margarita but life by himself is very lonely and sometimes he just needs some company. I am giving nothing to this man to feed him. I am just listening and telling I sure get it. I offer nothing up. He then excuses himself to take care of another client. Afterwards I was thinking, "What the freak? Did this man really think I would be okay to meet up with him knowing he was married?" This is actually not the first married man to do this either. It just shocks me!!!!


----------



## Blondilocks

RandomDude said:


> Well, I went online dating to avoid situations like this and I ended up with someone... 10 yrs younger 😑🤦‍♂️
> 
> 
> 
> To experience real love to the end, is it not worth it?


You know the saying that it is as easy to love a rich man as a poor one? Well, it's just as easy to love one your own age as your daddy's.


----------



## joannacroc

AVR1962 said:


> You going to see him again or is the age difference a factor for you?


The age difference is a big factor but there were many others. We weren't well-suited.


----------



## RandomDude

Does anyone else find it weird to be non-exclusive, sexually active, yet multi-dating?


----------



## minimalME

RandomDude said:


> Does anyone else find it weird to be non-exclusive, sexually active, yet multi-dating?


You’re such a mess, @RandomDude. It’s endearing. 😂


----------



## RandomDude

minimalME said:


> You’re such a mess, @RandomDude. It’s endearing. 😂


Haha well... I may be a bit of a mess...
But, I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll live as I believe


----------



## joannacroc

RandomDude said:


> Does anyone else find it weird to be non-exclusive, sexually active, yet multi-dating?


Hey as long as you're happy and all parties are fully aware, that's the main thing. I couldn't do it. I get dating a lot of folks to see who you get on with but wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with different people at the same time. It's something I don't want to share with a person unless I am fairly close. I don't share lol


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> Hey as long as you're happy and all parties are fully aware, that's the main thing. I couldn't do it. I get dating a lot of folks to see who you get on with but wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with different people at the same time. It's something I don't want to share with a person unless I am fairly close. I don't share lol


Me either, I think if I become romantically intimate with a new partner then I'll end it with my non-exclusive sexual partner.

I have several new prospects. One of them is even an active cat rescuer who has sparked my interest. Online dating is like a sushi train!


----------



## minimalME

@RandomDude, have you ever had a long stretch of time where you were content alone?


----------



## RandomDude

minimalME said:


> @RandomDude, have you ever had a long stretch of time where you were content alone?


I am alone, my daughter and work keep me out there. All of my friends require no upkeep. Rest of family are distant. Ms angel is just short term company.

I have all the solitude I need, one day I'll sacrifice it for someone, but not today. Overall, my bachelor life is quite forfilling thus far.


----------



## minimalME

No. 😂 

I'm talking about a chunk of time without dating sites/apps, without sex, without going through one woman after another.

What's the longest you've ever gone without female attention? Other than being a dad.


----------



## RandomDude

minimalME said:


> No. 😂
> 
> I'm talking about a chunk of time without dating sites/apps, without sex, without going through one woman after another.
> 
> What's the longest you've ever gone without female attention? Other than being a dad.


Without flirting too? I'd say 6 months of near isolation.

I actually lost all sexual desire until someone decided to jump start my engine 
Now I'm stuck on the highway with no exits 😑


----------



## AVR1962

RandomDude said:


> Does anyone else find it weird to be non-exclusive, sexually active, yet multi-dating?


Yes, the new thoughts in dating today seem to avoid any true connection, Obligation doesn't exist. We are free to do our thing and we wish the other the best, tell them we only what is best for them and we continue to live separate lives. Very strange and I frankly do not like it. Part of it is that we are not young and without lives anymore. We have careers, families friends so we cannot focus on a relationship as we did years ago. It is really sad!

I was just talking to a male friend yesterday who said women don't understand that life is busy and we cannot always be together. I told him I do understand but I find men are not as busy as they claim and they just want to be by themselves. Men don't see free time as potential time to spend together. Free time for men is time for themselves. So when do we spend time together?


----------



## RandomDude

AVR1962 said:


> Yes, the new thoughts in dating today seem to avoid any true connection, Obligation doesn't exist. We are free to do our thing and we wish the other the best, tell them we only what is best for them and we continue to live separate lives. Very strange and I frankly do not like it. Part of it is that we are not young and without lives anymore. We have careers, families friends so we cannot focus on a relationship as we did years ago. It is really sad!
> 
> I was just talking to a male friend yesterday who said women don't understand that life is busy and we cannot always be together. I told him I do understand but I find men are not as busy as they claim and they just want to be by themselves. Men don't see free time as potential time to spend together. Free time for men is time for themselves. So when do we spend time together?


Not just that, in my case I need to leave a few nights or lunches free for other girls. They come in batches at a time. I still haven't sent first msg to two but it's just too much to juggle in one week while keeping the tap running with the primary one.

If a prospect matched but we fail to make a connection within a week it kind of fizzles out. Which is annoying rather when they come in batches bc then you have to pick and choose rather than just date at your convenience. Once the opportunity slips its gone for good.


----------



## joannacroc

RandomDude said:


> Not just that, in my case I need to leave a few nights or lunches free for other girls. They come in batches at a time. I still haven't sent first msg to two but it's just too much to juggle in one week while keeping the tap running with the primary one.
> 
> If a prospect matched but we fail to make a connection within a week it kind of fizzles out. Which is annoying rather when* they come in batches* bc then you have to pick and choose rather than just date at your convenience. Once the opportunity slips its gone for good.


They aren't muffins.


----------



## RandomDude

joannacroc said:


> They aren't muffins.


Lol sure but they come in groups so can't help it 😅 apparently more people swipe during the weekends and chat during the weekdays.


----------



## Rob_1

RandomDude said:


> They come in batches at a time.


When young and single, this was my exact experience. There I was, stuck without a girl for months some time, all of the sudden I connect with one, and Lo and behold, the chicks would start popping. I always wondered why it was so. As I got old, I reached the conclusion that it is a raw primeval thing. Women notice you alone and the "what's wrong with this dude", hits their defense mechanism. They notice you with female companionship, then" this dude must be worthy" hits their interest mechanism". As females get older and have their "baggage" to carry around, I think it stills plays a part but it depends where and how economically/emotionally they are at that moment.


----------



## RandomDude

Rob_1 said:


> When young and single, this was my exact experience. There I was, stuck without a girl for months some time, all of the sudden I connect with one, and Lo and behold, the chicks would start popping. I always wondered why it was so. As I got old, I reached the conclusion that it is a raw primeval thing. Women notice you alone and the "what's wrong with this dude", hits their defense mechanism. They notice you with female companionship, then" this dude must be worthy" hits their interest mechanism". As females get older and have their "baggage" to carry around, I think it stills plays a part but it depends where and how economically/emotionally they are at that moment.


I'm online dating exclusively though  

I think its just that the women swipe on weekends so I get a whole batch of new matches then it slows during the week.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I'm online dating exclusively though
> 
> I think its just that the women swipe on weekends so I get a whole batch of new matches then it slows during the week.


I've noticed this too. I get most of my new likes on Sunday evenings/early Monday mornings lol! I swear it seems like they've just gone through yet another lonely weekend and Sunday evenings are when they're feeling their loneliest.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Rob_1 said:


> When young and single, this was my exact experience. There I was, stuck without a girl for months some time, all of the sudden I connect with one, and Lo and behold, the chicks would start popping. I always wondered why it was so. As I got old, I reached the conclusion that it is a raw primeval thing. Women notice you alone and the "what's wrong with this dude", hits their defense mechanism. They notice you with female companionship, then" this dude must be worthy" hits their interest mechanism". As females get older and have their "baggage" to carry around, I think it stills plays a part but it depends where and how economically/emotionally they are at that moment.


Women want to be with men that other women want.

Last weekend I hit on and picked up a waitress right in front of my gf and her friends (there was a reason for this, I’m not a dog). She was half my age. Brother, I have to tell you, instant respect from the gf after momentary anger and confusion.


----------



## snowbum

I don’t think it’s respect. Why do you think women respect their man hitting on women in front of them? Red pill ********


----------



## farsidejunky

snowbum said:


> I don’t think it’s respect. Why do you think women respect their man hitting on women in front of them? Red pill ******


From the sound of it, I suspect it was done as an experiment, with his girlfriend's endorsement. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## minimalME

RebuildingMe said:


> Last weekend I hit on and picked up a waitress right in front of my gf and her friends (there was a reason for this, I’m not a dog). She was half my age. Brother, I have to tell you, *instant respect from the gf* after momentary anger and confusion.


See, I just don't understand this way of thinking.

Why does she offer you respect for your blatantly disrespectful behavior?

It was deliberate on your part to 'teach her a lesson'. _You knew_ you were doing something hurtful to her.

To me, she's dysfunctional and unhealthy for tolerating it.

If she had self-respect, she wouldve instantly walked away, gotten an uber home, and not spoken to you again.


----------



## Rob_1

RandomDude said:


> I'm online dating exclusively though
> 
> I think its just that the women swipe on weekends so I get a whole batch of new matches then it slows during the week.


different times since I'm almost 70. In my time it was all "in person", right then and there. Internet didn't exist.


----------



## Rob_1

RebuildingMe said:


> (there was a reason for this, I’m not a dog).


It would be interesting to learn what that "reason" was. Was your GF in the knowledge of what were you going to do?


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I've noticed this too. I get most of my new likes on Sunday evenings/early Monday mornings lol! I swear it seems like they've just gone through yet another lonely weekend and Sunday evenings are when they're feeling their loneliest.


Lol yeah, for me during the week it's like "yup, no more likes, I exhausted the app", then BLING BLING BLING suddenly get a dozen of them like a batch of muffins (@joannacroc 😜)

Well, have you found any noteworthy princes though?


----------



## RebuildingMe

Rob_1 said:


> It would be interesting to learn what that "reason" was. Was your GF in the knowledge of what were you going to do?


She disrespected me prior. She couldn’t understand what she was doing was wrong or hurtful to me. So I showed her a real life example. It wasn’t planned. I had no premeditated plan to do this. It was a spur of the moment thing.


----------



## RandomDude

Rob_1 said:


> different times since I'm almost 70. In my time it was all "in person", right then and there. Internet didn't exist.


After falling in love with an 18 yr old 5 years ago in an organic encounter I'm paranoid 

Now it's 25+, SINGLE, etc etc 😇 You can't set these preferences offline lol


----------



## RebuildingMe

minimalME said:


> See, I just don't understand this way of thinking.
> 
> Why does she offer you respect for your blatantly disrespectful behavior?
> 
> It was deliberate on your part to 'teach her a lesson'. _You knew_ you were doing something hurttful to her.
> 
> To me, she's dysfunctional and unhealthy for tolerating it.
> 
> If she had self-respect, she wouldve instantly walked away, gotten an uber home, and not spoken to you again.


I agree and disagree. It was definitely passive aggressive on my part. She is free to react anyway she wanted. I had to prove a point and my other attempts and methods were apparently not effective.


----------



## Rob_1

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree and disagree. It was definitely passive aggressive on my part. She is free to react anyway she wanted. I had to prove a point and my other attempts and methods were apparently not effective.


Don't sweat it. You did what you had to do to get the point across, period. I would have don't the same thing in your shoes. I wouldn't have care if it was passive-aggressive or not.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree and disagree. It was definitely passive aggressive on my part. She is free to react anyway she wanted. I had to prove a point and my other attempts and methods were apparently not effective.


I would have just dumped her instead of leading on someone else but that's just me lol

Some things are just throw away material, if she's flirting with other guys in front of me and refuses to see that as disrespect that qualifies. Hopefully she learnt her lesson, you are more tolerant than I.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Rob_1 said:


> Don't sweat it. You did what you had to do to get the point across, period. I would have don't the same thing in your shoes. I wouldn't have care if it was passive-aggressive or not.


It’s almost like I no longer have time to tolerate the BS. I’ve learned so much from my prior failed marriages. I see things pretty clearly now and react. Can’t be passive about these things.

My point being it supports your theory when a woman sees that you are attractive to other women. It’s like something goes off in their brain and they go into survival mode to keep what they have.


----------



## RebuildingMe

RandomDude said:


> I would have just dumped her instead of leading on someone else but that's just me lol
> 
> Some things are just throw away material, if she's flirting with other guys in front of me and refuses to see that as disrespect that qualifies. Hopefully she learnt her lesson, you are more tolerant than I.


I hear you and what you’re saying. However, we’ve been together for two years and what she did didn’t cross any red line for me. In the past, she’s been good about correcting things that bother me. So, for now, I’m still in.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> I hear you and what you’re saying. However, we’ve been together for two years and what she did didn’t cross any red line for me. In the past, she’s been good about correcting things that bother me. So, for now, I’m still in.


Fair


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s almost like I no longer have time to tolerate the BS. I’ve learned so much from my prior failed marriages. I see things pretty clearly now and react. Can’t be passive about these things.
> 
> My point being it supports your theory when a woman sees that you are attractive to other women. It’s like something goes off in their brain and they go into survival mode to keep what they have.


Look I may alone here, but I do NOT find it attractive if the guy I am with is picking up other women. In front of me. And then claiming it is some type of lesson. And I doubt I'm alone in that court.


----------



## RebuildingMe

joannacroc said:


> Look I may alone here, but I do NOT find it attractive if the guy I am with is picking up other women. In front of me. And then claiming it is some type of lesson. And I doubt I'm alone in that court.


I’m sure. I understand. I had to do it for my own reasons. Not everyone will agree with me, I know. I’m sure you are not alone in your thinking. She was getting too complacent. Boundaries were getting blurred. She needed a wake up call, so that’s what I gave her.


----------



## minimalME

joannacroc said:


> Look I may alone here, but I do NOT find it attractive if the guy I am with is picking up other women. In front of me. And then claiming it is some type of lesson. And I doubt I'm alone in that court.


I agree. 

Having said that, she was disrespectful too, so they have a tit for tat going on - which will probably happen again, because apparently they're unable to communicate in an open, honest way. 

Just now I realized she's the one who's been texting with someone (a man) and lying about it, right?


----------



## joannacroc

minimalME said:


> I agree.
> 
> Having said that, she was disrespectful too, so they have a tit for tat going on - which will probably happen again, because apparently they're unable to communicate in an open, honest way.
> 
> Just now I realized she's the one who's been texting with someone (a man) and lying about it, right?


Oh boy. Sorry I didn't realize that.


----------



## RebuildingMe

minimalME said:


> I agree.
> 
> Having said that, she was disrespectful too, so they have a tit for tat going on - which will probably happen again, because apparently they're unable to communicate in an open, honest way.
> 
> Just now I realized she's the one who's been texting with someone (a man) and lying about it, right?


You are correct. That apparently ended last weekend. Message received loud and clear, so she says.


----------



## snowbum

Sounds like a very macho mindset” teach the little woman a lesson” that she’s” lucky” you put up with her . Barf


----------



## Rob_1

minimalME said:


> Just now I realized she's the one who's been texting with someone (a man) and lying about it, right?


Oh, boy, this would change everything to me (specially if the texting was being inappropriate), my most likely reaction would have been to dump her.


----------



## snowbum

I get the feeling you really don’t love this woman if you’re willing to pick up other women. Feel like her self esteem is low to put up with this childish ****


----------



## Rob_1

snowbum said:


> Sounds like a very macho mindset” teach the little woman a lesson” that she’s” lucky” you put up with her . Barf


And what's wrong with being macho when you are being disrespected? or you like *****-whipped dudes.


----------



## snowbum

What’s wrong with being an adult and saying what bugs you rather than hitting on other women? If she’s that awful dump her. Who wants to be feel they are constantly trying to convince someone not to cheat on them?


----------



## Not

minimalME said:


> See, I just don't understand this way of thinking.
> 
> Why does she offer you respect for your blatantly disrespectful behavior?
> 
> It was deliberate on your part to 'teach her a lesson'. _You knew_ you were doing something hurttful to her.
> 
> To me, she's dysfunctional and unhealthy for tolerating it.
> 
> If she had self-respect, she wouldve instantly walked away, gotten an uber home, and not spoken to you again.


I have to agree with this. What stands out for me is she didn't respect herself enough to end things over it which further speaks to her issues of disrespect toward Rebuilding. No matter what the reasoning behind the stunt was it was all dysfunctional, all of it. Further, if stunts like that seem needed to "show" someone how it feels then that someone is seriously lacking in something vital.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol yeah, for me during the week it's like "yup, no more likes, I exhausted the app", then BLING BLING BLING suddenly get a dozen of them like a batch of muffins (@joannacroc 😜)
> 
> Well, have you found any noteworthy princes though?


Nope, frogs. Lots of frogs. 🐸


----------



## Not

I want to add....to Rebuilding. I get why you did it. I just hope you're not settling because you've got two years in with this woman.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I want to add....to Rebuilding. I get why you did it. I just hope you're not settling because you've got two years in with this woman.


🤷‍♂️ 
I don’t think I am??? I enjoy the time we spend. We do have a lot in common. She checks the big boxes with no cohabitation and no marriage. She’s a good person at heart.
From what I saw, she was just a sounding board for this guy and his failing second marriage 3000 miles away. It was nothing more then that. I know how to check to the degree that I can.


----------



## RebuildingMe

snowbum said:


> What’s wrong with being an adult and saying what bugs you rather than hitting on other women? If she’s that awful dump her. Who wants to be feel they are constantly trying to convince someone not to cheat on them?


She’s not “awful”. I don’t hit on other “women”. You don’t know the backstory and I don’t want to explain.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> 🤷‍♂️
> I don’t think I am??? I enjoy the time we spend. We do have a lot in common. She checks the big boxes with no cohabitation and no marriage. She’s a good person at heart.
> From what I saw, she was just a sounding board for this guy and his failing second marriage 3000 miles away. It was nothing more then that. I know how to check to the degree that I can.


You know her best. But I will say this...there was no reason she couldn't have kept you updated as to what was going on. No reason why she couldn't have even made you a part of it by asking for your opinions on his situation. No reason she couldn't have had you read over her shoulder, so to speak. I know I'm projecting, this is how I would have gone about it. No way would I risk damage to my relationship over an innocent exchange between two friends.

Maybe you two haven't made that solid of a commitment to each other, I don't know. Maybe you two even lead sort of separate lives with parts of your lives you keep private from each other. Once again, I don't know. But if that's not the case, if you two are committed to one another and expect transparency to keep trust intact then something is off with her.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> You know her best. But I will say this...there was no reason she couldn't have kept you updated as to what was going on. No reason why she couldn't have even made you a part of it by asking for your opinions on his situation. No reason she couldn't have had you read over her shoulder, so to speak. I know I'm projecting, this is how I would have gone about it. No way would I risk damage to my relationship over an innocent exchange between two friends.
> 
> Maybe you two haven't made that solid of a commitment to each other, I don't know. Maybe you two even lead sort of separate lives with parts of your lives you keep private from each other. Once again, I don't know. But if that's not the case, if you two are committed to one another and expect transparency to keep trust intact then something is off with her.


Thank you for your thoughts. I completely understand what you are saying. We are very committed to each other. Living separate lives, kids and households I think, in part, contribute to things like this. By no means am I excusing her behavior. I’m not. She flat out deceived me by saying she was done talking to that guy when, in fact, she wasn’t. That was what disturbed me so much. The lying, deception, etc. I know there was nothing inappropriate about the content of their conversations. That wasn’t my point. When she used the argument with me that he was “just a friend”and “harmless”, that’s when I did what I did. To show her that anyone can let their guard down in a moment of weakness and that’s all it takes to end a relationship.

She now realizes my hurt came from her lying about the situation more so than the fact they were talking to begin with. Maybe I’m hypersensitive about opposite sex friends, but this one one in particular was too eerily too similar to that of my ex wife and her AP and how that started.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Thank you for your thoughts. I completely understand what you are saying. We are very committed to each other. Living separate lives, kids and households I think, in part, contribute to things like this. By no means am I excusing her behavior. I’m not. She flat out deceived me by saying she was done talking to that guy when, in fact, she wasn’t. That was what disturbed me so much. The lying, deception, etc. I know there was nothing inappropriate about the content of their conversations. That wasn’t my point. When she used the argument with me that he was “just a friend”and “harmless”, that’s when I did what I did. To show her that anyone can let their guard down in a moment of weakness and that’s all it takes to end a relationship.
> 
> She now realizes my hurt came from her lying about the situation more so than the fact they were talking to begin with. Maybe I’m hypersensitive about opposite sex friends, but this one one in particular was too eerily too similar to that of my ex wife and her AP and how that started.


In this situation, no. You're not hypersensitive. She lied and now she's opened pandora's box.


----------



## Openminded

Not said:


> In this situation, no. You're not hypersensitive. She lied and now she's opened pandora's box.


Apparently she knows how to play the game since it’s another recovery for her.


----------



## RandomDude

minimalME said:


> Just now I realized she's the one who's been texting with someone (a man) and lying about it, right?


Oh what? Oh hell no!

Flirting with someone else in front of me is one thing, texting a man behind my back and LYING about it? That goes beyond disrespect, that's a breach of trust.

Nah that's my red line, don't give a **** if it's two years I'll never look at her the same way again. But hey, to each their own. People are so tolerant.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Nope, frogs. Lots of frogs. 🐸


Lol 😂 

Maybe if you kiss one it'll turn into a prince 🤴 🤣


----------



## RebuildingMe

RandomDude said:


> Oh what? Oh hell no!
> 
> Flirting with someone else in front of me is one thing, texting a man behind my back and LYING about it? That goes beyond disrespect, that's a breach of trust.
> 
> Nah that's my red line, don't give a **** if it's two years I'll never look at her the same way again. But hey, to each their own. People are so tolerant.


There’s a lot to the story, but yes, she did lie about keeping in touch. It’s was about 2-3x per month from what I can see. It was all over fb messenger. It was nothing you wouldn’t say to a friend. But she did lose my trust.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> There’s a lot to the story, but yes, she did lie about keeping in touch. It’s was about 2-3x per month from what I can see. It was all over fb messenger. It was nothing you wouldn’t say to a friend. But she did lose my trust.


Its infidelity, what steps has she made to even correct that? Does she even acknowledge what she did as wrong?


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> There’s a lot to the story, but yes, she did lie about keeping in touch. It’s was about 2-3x per month from what I can see. It was all over fb messenger. It was nothing you wouldn’t say to a friend. But she did lose my trust.


Yeah, it's a pretty bad thing to do to someone and a quick way to break someone's trust.


----------



## RebuildingMe

RandomDude said:


> Its infidelity, what steps has she made to even correct that? Does she even acknowledge what she did as wrong?


At first, she didn’t see the harm in it. So that’s why I hit on the waitress to show her how people being shady with other people of the opposite sex hurts. She’s never experienced infidelity and that’s not why her and her ex divorced. After filling in more details about how my ex got started as “just friends” with her ap, she seemed to understand. She has been very sorry and very transparent for the last week. She finally deleted him. I’ll keep an eye on it. 
If I was a normal man, I wouldn’t have over reacted. However, after all, we are all in the site for a reason.


----------



## PieceOfSky

RebuildingMe said:


> If I was a normal man, I wouldn’t have over reacted. However, after all, we are all in the site for a reason.


Big mistakes I have made in my relationship/marriage stemmed from me wanting to be a “normal man”, or a “better man”.

Stiflingly my instincts, forcing myself to under react or swallow a concern has never solved anything and has led to destruction.

At least over reacting has a chance of sparking real dialog about an issue.


----------



## RebuildingMe

PieceOfSky said:


> Big mistakes I have made in my relationship/marriage stemmed from me wanting to be a “normal man”, or a “better man”.
> 
> Stiflingly my instincts, forcing myself to under react or swallow a concern has never solved anything and has led to destruction.
> 
> At least over reacting has a chance of sparking real dialog about an issue.


I totally agree. I’m on heightened alert based upon my past experiences.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol 😂
> 
> Maybe if you kiss one it'll turn into a prince 🤴 🤣


Or if I kiss one and it turns mentally stable. That's all I ask for lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Or if I kiss one and it turns mentally stable. That's all I ask for lol!


Lol more likely to turn into a prince and stay mentally unstable 😅


----------



## Not

Guess who's starting therapy? That would be yours truly. 😉 Or trying to start therapy anyway. I guess therapists won't get involved in situations where legal action may be involved. I have a zoom meeting with the director of the clinic tonight so she can hear my situation first hand and decide if they'll accept me as a patient.

The situation is that two more incidents have occurred and I've had enough. It's been once a month since March.

Last weekend on Saturday evening I was on my way to a local casino and crossed paths with Tank on a two lane highway. First time I've seen him since the break up 9 months ago. He saw me and about broke his neck as he watched me pass. I even drove all country roads as I criss-crossed across the county before I got onto that highway. It was beautiful out and I wanted to get out and enjoy that drive with my top open. The chances of crossing paths with him were astronomical.

I had damage to my motion detector light inside my gate which leads to my front door the next morning. I never used that light in the past but I've used it ever since there was tampering with the lock on my front door in May. If it was him it probably caught him off guard and scared him off. That light will snap on right in your face and give you a heart attack. So he never made it around that corner to be seen.

The other incident was someone trying to log into my POF account. I met him on POF. He also went looking for me on POF when we broke up the first time. 

I can't file a restraining order until the cameras capture him in action but I've got reports filed so the incidents are on record.

After discovering the damage to the light Sunday morning I reached the end of my rope. Time to talk to someone. I'm moving backwards in my process of moving on. It's getting harder and harder to keep him out of my thoughts.

On Sunday I also contacted the ex-gf he had right before me. She had a lot to say. He treated me better than he treated her, that was clear but she shared some things that I also saw with him. I talked to my sister about it too. She was around Tank for six months so she got to observe quite a bit. Both of them, separately, talked about him being controlling and jealous and both mentioned his intense emotional swings.

I've gotten to the point where I'm becoming paranoid. I'm afraid to talk out loud to my kids in my own home. I keep thinking he may have gotten in and put something in my home to listen in, if he got in the day my lock was damaged. I'm paranoid he put a tracker on my car. I'm paranoid he's stalking me on dating apps. I don't want to try to start a new relationship with anyone because I'm paranoid he's watching. And I'm tired of feeling like I'm the crazy one for even thinking all of this. I just don't feel like myself at all.

Cross your fingers for me that this director will accept my case and let me in to talk to someone so I can get all untwisted! I hate that I sound like this. I really need this.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Guess who's starting therapy? That would be yours truly. 😉 Or trying to start therapy anyway. I guess therapists won't get involved in situations where legal action may be involved. I have a zoom meeting with the director of the clinic tonight so she can hear my situation first hand and decide if they'll accept me as a patient.
> 
> The situation is that two more incidents have occurred and I've had enough. It's been once a month since March.
> 
> Last weekend on Saturday evening I was on my way to a local casino and crossed paths with Tank on a two lane highway. First time I've seen him since the break up 9 months ago. He saw me and about broke his neck as he watched me pass. I even drove all country roads as I criss-crossed across the county before I got onto that highway. It was beautiful out and I wanted to get out and enjoy that drive with my top open. The chances of crossing paths with him were astronomical.
> 
> I had damage to my motion detector light inside my gate which leads to my front door the next morning. I never used that light in the past but I've used it ever since there was tampering with the lock on my front door in May. If it was him it probably caught him off guard and scared him off. That light will snap on right in your face and give you a heart attack. So he never made it around that corner to be seen.
> 
> The other incident was someone trying to log into my POF account. I met him on POF. He also went looking for me on POF when we broke up the first time.
> 
> I can't file a restraining order until the cameras capture him in action but I've got reports filed so the incidents are on record.
> 
> After discovering the damage to the light Sunday morning I reached the end of my rope. Time to talk to someone. I'm moving backwards in my process of moving on. It's getting harder and harder to keep him out of my thoughts.
> 
> On Sunday I also contacted the ex-gf he had right before me. She had a lot to say. He treated me better than he treated her, that was clear but she shared some things that I also saw with him. I talked to my sister about it too. She was around Tank for six months so she got to observe quite a bit. Both of them, separately, talked about him being controlling and jealous and both mentioned his intense emotional swings.
> 
> I've gotten to the point where I'm becoming paranoid. I'm afraid to talk out loud to my kids in my own home. I keep thinking he may have gotten in and put something in my home to listen in, if he got in the day my lock was damaged. I'm paranoid he put a tracker on my car. I'm paranoid he's stalking me on dating apps. I don't want to try to start a new relationship with anyone because I'm paranoid he's watching. And I'm tired of feeling like I'm the crazy one for even thinking all of this. I just don't feel like myself at all.
> 
> Cross your fingers for me that this director will accept my case and let me in to talk to someone so I can get all untwisted! I hate that I sound like this. I really need this.


Damn, didn't think it was this bad. Fingers crossed @Not


----------



## heartsbeating

Good on you @Not for scheduling that appointment.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

My thoughts, if you’re interested:

Read or listen to Gavin de Becker’s the “Gift of Fear”, and/or watch the videos here: The Gift of Fear Master Class

Get the support and professional help you need to feel better, but please please please do not let your guard down, and do not downplay or ignore or your fears and suspicions.

Gavin de Becker has insights about when restraining orders might help and when they might not. To be clear, iirc, often they provide a false sense of security. Also has some lessons learned about hesitation to involve law enforcement.

In that particular book, there is a chapter about former dating partners, iirc.

I am not an expert, and I don’t want to victimize you by encouraging you to fear things you don’t need to. But, last time I hesitated to say what I really thought, and so this time I’m not going to:


0) his behavior is very concerning; he needs to be stopped, in the smartest, safest, legal way
1) talk to the police, and seek their advice, assuming you live on a locale where you can find someone who cares; also, maybe you should reach out to a womens shelter that has experience protecting women from stalkers (not saying you should go into hiding! But, if you want expert knowledge, there is probably some there)
2) get wireless cameras installed with night vision (did you say earlier he and you bought some together — if so, forget those)
3) change your locks if you haven’t
4) contact POF, and ask if they have the IP address of the login attempt; from that, there are ways to find maybe the general area (say zip code size); you may want to ask if they can tell you if another uses same IP to login from, and tell them you are concerned about stalking
5) there are devices that can detect some surveillance devices; offhand I do not know how expensive, but will check and send you a link if you like, and police may be able to assist)
6) guard against being catfished by him on OLD


----------



## heartsbeating

@Not how did it go speaking with the director of the clinic?


----------



## pastasauce79

Not said:


> Guess who's starting therapy? That would be yours truly. 😉 Or trying to start therapy anyway. I guess therapists won't get involved in situations where legal action may be involved. I have a zoom meeting with the director of the clinic tonight so she can hear my situation first hand and decide if they'll accept me as a patient.
> 
> The situation is that two more incidents have occurred and I've had enough. It's been once a month since March.
> 
> Last weekend on Saturday evening I was on my way to a local casino and crossed paths with Tank on a two lane highway. First time I've seen him since the break up 9 months ago. He saw me and about broke his neck as he watched me pass. I even drove all country roads as I criss-crossed across the county before I got onto that highway. It was beautiful out and I wanted to get out and enjoy that drive with my top open. The chances of crossing paths with him were astronomical.
> 
> I had damage to my motion detector light inside my gate which leads to my front door the next morning. I never used that light in the past but I've used it ever since there was tampering with the lock on my front door in May. If it was him it probably caught him off guard and scared him off. That light will snap on right in your face and give you a heart attack. So he never made it around that corner to be seen.
> 
> The other incident was someone trying to log into my POF account. I met him on POF. He also went looking for me on POF when we broke up the first time.
> 
> I can't file a restraining order until the cameras capture him in action but I've got reports filed so the incidents are on record.
> 
> After discovering the damage to the light Sunday morning I reached the end of my rope. Time to talk to someone. I'm moving backwards in my process of moving on. It's getting harder and harder to keep him out of my thoughts.
> 
> On Sunday I also contacted the ex-gf he had right before me. She had a lot to say. He treated me better than he treated her, that was clear but she shared some things that I also saw with him. I talked to my sister about it too. She was around Tank for six months so she got to observe quite a bit. Both of them, separately, talked about him being controlling and jealous and both mentioned his intense emotional swings.
> 
> I've gotten to the point where I'm becoming paranoid. I'm afraid to talk out loud to my kids in my own home. I keep thinking he may have gotten in and put something in my home to listen in, if he got in the day my lock was damaged. I'm paranoid he put a tracker on my car. I'm paranoid he's stalking me on dating apps. I don't want to try to start a new relationship with anyone because I'm paranoid he's watching. And I'm tired of feeling like I'm the crazy one for even thinking all of this. I just don't feel like myself at all.
> 
> Cross your fingers for me that this director will accept my case and let me in to talk to someone so I can get all untwisted! I hate that I sound like this. I really need this.


Is there a way to find out if your house and car have a bug? If you want peace of mind, find someone who can help you with this. If the guy has been stalking you, you definitely have reasons to be suspicious.


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky said:


> @Not,
> 
> My thoughts, if you’re interested:
> 
> Read or listen to Gavin de Becker’s the “Gift of Fear”, and/or watch the videos here: The Gift of Fear Master Class
> 
> Get the support and professional help you need to feel better, but please please please do not let your guard down, and do not downplay or ignore or your fears and suspicions.
> 
> Gavin de Becker has insights about when restraining orders might help and when they might not. To be clear, iirc, often they provide a false sense of security. Also has some lessons learned about hesitation to involve law enforcement.
> 
> In that particular book, there is a chapter about former dating partners, iirc.
> 
> I am not an expert, and I don’t want to victimize you by encouraging you to fear things you don’t need to. But, last time I hesitated to say what I really thought, and so this time I’m not going to:
> 
> 
> 0) his behavior is very concerning; he needs to be stopped, in the smartest, safest, legal way
> 1) talk to the police, and seek their advice, assuming you live on a locale where you can find someone who cares; also, maybe you should reach out to a womens shelter that has experience protecting women from stalkers (not saying you should go into hiding! But, if you want expert knowledge, there is probably some there)
> 2) get wireless cameras installed with night vision (did you say earlier he and you bought some together — if so, forget those)
> 3) change your locks if you haven’t
> 4) contact POF, and ask if they have the IP address of the login attempt; from that, there are ways to find maybe the general area (say zip code size); you may want to ask if they can tell you if another uses same IP to login from, and tell them you are concerned about stalking
> 5) there are devices that can detect some surveillance devices; offhand I do not know how expensive, but will check and send you a link if you like, and police may be able to assist)
> 6) guard against being catfished by him on OLD


Thank you Sky. I have been to the police again and they urged me to get him on video. Then with the reports I've already filed I can request the restraining order. I changed my locks in May and I bought a new camera system last week. I installed the system on Saturday. Night vision, sound the whole nine. Three cameras. 

The thought that he might try to catfish me has crossed my mind but dating is the last thing on my mind right now so I'm not talking to anyone, unless I make first contact which I'm not doing. Not in the mood and I don't think it's a good idea to bring anyone into my life right now. I may try to contact POF. It's been over a month since that happened but I'd really love to know if they can pull that info up. 

I recently had to change my phone number due to other circumstances with my carrier, not something I would have done otherwise but with everything going on I see it as pure dumb luck.

And I have that book! I read it back in December before all of this started but had forgotten about it. It's on my book app on my phone. A retired detective recommended it to all the single ladies who are dating in a face book group I'm a member of. That and another book called the Sociopath Next Door. I'll be re-reading it.

My sister also mentioned looking for a device to detect surveillance devices but I haven't gotten that far yet. I've checked blue tooth on my property. Walked around my car several times but didn't pick anything up but my own car and a sound bar somewhere nearby and nothing in my house.


----------



## Not

heartsbeating said:


> @Not how did it go speaking with the director of the clinic?



It went very well! She's taking me on as a patient and urging me to get that restraining order. I think I'll do well with her, her personality was very down to earth and she specializes in domestic violence so I think I'm in good hands.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not ,

There may be a POF page (dunno, under account settings) showing failed login attempts, and that may provide the IP address (number like 212.14.56.137). You have ample reason to believe you are being stalked (sorry) and by whom. But, the IP address might be a little bit interesting and useful on its own, and especially if POF can relate it back to his usual IP. (If you have an old email from him, if you know how to look, you might also be able to glean something relevant…not 100% sure if the sending machine’s IP appears, but some along the delivery path just thinking out loud).

Re. countering cheap/easy GPS tracking, this article may be useful. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/03/31/airtags-stalking/

Is he likely using an Apple phone or Android?

Of course, there are other trackers besides the ones that work with nearby phones (like the AirTags, Tiles, etc). Some have built-in cellular modems and talk directly to the service provider.

And there is the risk he is logged into your iCloud account or Google equivalent and can simple see your “find my phone” info. There are ways to check what devices are logged into iCloud, and presumably for other ecosystems.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

Something like this could be useful. There are other models with more reviews that might be worth a look too.


(Amazon.com link…)
Limited-time deal: Autrictop A9 Decent Hidden Camera Detectors, Hidden Device Detector for Hidden Camera, Portable Wireless Bug Detector with 3 Professional Modes, 5 Levels Sensitivity, Travel Office Home
https://a.co/d/4ArjEb9



Some trackers probably only ping once a minute or less frequently, so some patience with the detector might be necessary.


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky said:


> @Not,
> 
> Something like this could be useful. There are other models with more reviews that might be worth a look too.
> 
> 
> (Amazon.com link…)
> Limited-time deal: Autrictop A9 Decent Hidden Camera Detectors, Hidden Device Detector for Hidden Camera, Portable Wireless Bug Detector with 3 Professional Modes, 5 Levels Sensitivity, Travel Office Home
> https://a.co/d/4ArjEb9
> 
> 
> 
> Some trackers probably only ping once a minute or less frequently, so some patience with the detector might be necessary.



I think I'll go ahead and buy that A9. Looks easy to use. And he uses Android. I'm Apple.

I've checked my iCloud account, I'm all good there. I wish I had saved the number to his work cell phone but I do have a few old emails from him that I'll keep just in case. 

Thanks Sky!


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

You would likely recognize his work cell number on your old cell bill online, assuming he had ever called or texted.


----------



## heartsbeating

How are things going @Not ?


----------



## Not

heartsbeating said:


> How are things going @Not ?


I’m doing good hearts, thanks for asking. I’ve had two appts with the therapist and it’s helped. Just being able to dump all of this on someone else has taken a load off.

As far as he goes, I’m just waiting. My birthday is tomorrow. Therapist thinks this might trigger him. She’s convinced he’s not done but I’m leaning the other way. Either way the cameras are ready. I meet with her again Monday. I thought it would be a good idea to have an appointment set up right after my birthday just in case something does happen.

In the meantime, I’m just trying to take care of myself. I was under a lot of stress and started losing hair and look terrible. Not sleeping good and wasn’t eating good etc. So I’m trying to put my focus on my general well being now. I’m taking myself to the beach this evening to just sit and relax and soak in that fresh air.


----------



## heartsbeating

It’s good that you’ve had those sessions so far, and looking to taking care of yourself. I really am sorry that you’re dealing with this. I can only imagine the stress it has caused.

Anything good happening to celebrate your birthday?

((((( big virtual bday hugs for you ))))))


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> Thank you for your thoughts. I completely understand what you are saying. We are very committed to each other. Living separate lives, kids and households I think, in part, contribute to things like this. By no means am I excusing her behavior. I’m not. She flat out deceived me by saying she was done talking to that guy when, in fact, she wasn’t. That was what disturbed me so much. The lying, deception, etc. I know there was nothing inappropriate about the content of their conversations. That wasn’t my point. When she used the argument with me that he was “just a friend”and “harmless”, that’s when I did what I did. To show her that anyone can let their guard down in a moment of weakness and that’s all it takes to end a relationship.
> 
> She now realizes my hurt came from her lying about the situation more so than the fact they were talking to begin with. Maybe I’m hypersensitive about opposite sex friends, but this one one in particular was too eerily too similar to that of my ex wife and her AP and how that started.


You know, my first thought when you mentioned what you'd done was that it was ridiculous 12 year old behavior and I'd be out.

But after hearing more about the backstory I'm conflicted. I definitely think there are times when a little empathy learned through a taste of one's own medicine can go a long way, and I've done it myself. Hell, my ex used to go on about his exes in ridiculous inappropriate ways (think comments about their breasts/when they'd take a bath together/when they'd be having sex). Stuff that was so off the rails that you wonder if they're actually saying it.

I finally told him that people who talked about exex like that are insecure and pathetic, nobody cares, and maybe he wanted to hear all about the huge penis on my first sex partner. Needless to say a lot of the ex talk actual stopped after that.

But I find it unfortunate that it came to that and that some long distance scumbag was worth hiding and lying to you. That generally doesn't speal well of one's character, but you know her and if your comfortable it's dealt with I hope it's behind you.


----------



## RebuildingMe

lifeistooshort said:


> You know, my first thought when you mentioned what you'd done was that it was ridiculous 12 year old behavior and I'd be out.
> 
> But after hearing more about the backstory I'm conflicted. I definitely think there are times when a little empathy learned through a taste of one's own medicine can go a long way, and I've done it myself. Hell, my ex used to go on about his exes in ridiculous inappropriate ways (think comments about their breasts/when they'd take a bath together/when they'd be having sex). Stuff that was so off the rails that you wonder if they're actually saying it.
> 
> I finally told him that people who talked about exex like that are insecure and pathetic, nobody cares, and maybe he wanted to hear all about the huge penis on my first sex partner. Needless to say a lot of the ex talk actual stopped after that.
> 
> But I find it unfortunate that it came to that and that some long distance scumbag was worth hiding and lying to you. That generally doesn't speal well of one's character, but you know her and if your comfortable it's dealt with I hope it's behind you.


Thank you for your response! The first time, I tried to talk it through. When that didn’t sink in, I had to show it to her. If that didn’t sink, it would have been the end of the road for this one. However, she’s eliminated him from FB and eventually admitted she understood after giving her a little more background on my story (in my case, stories, unfortunately). It’s funny because the other day she asked me if she can have coffee with a guy from England coming in to visit his mom for 3 days. She asked me to come and I declined. She asked me if I mind and I said no problem, have a good time. She said she was so worried to ask me after the last episode. I said it’s the lying and shadiness I won’t tolerate. Have a good time and tell him I said hi. I’m not even sure if they are getting together. Some sue from high school that she has no past with. She knows the mom though.

Yes it may all be silly, or one big sh$t test, but some people require a message being delivered in multiple ways.

Edited to say she’s going to lunch with the guy from England and his mom, as she hasn’t seen them in over 20 years. I don’t want to go.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I’m doing good hearts, thanks for asking. I’ve had two appts with the therapist and it’s helped. Just being able to dump all of this on someone else has taken a load off.
> 
> As far as he goes, I’m just waiting. My birthday is tomorrow. Therapist thinks this might trigger him. She’s convinced he’s not done but I’m leaning the other way. Either way the cameras are ready. I meet with her again Monday. I thought it would be a good idea to have an appointment set up right after my birthday just in case something does happen.
> 
> In the meantime, I’m just trying to take care of myself. I was under a lot of stress and started losing hair and look terrible. Not sleeping good and wasn’t eating good etc. So I’m trying to put my focus on my general well being now. I’m taking myself to the beach this evening to just sit and relax and soak in that fresh air.


Happy birthday! Spoil yourself, don't stay home. Put the alarm on and go out.


----------



## PieceOfSky

RebuildingMe said:


> Yes it may all be silly, or one big sh$t test, but some people require a message being delivered in multiple ways.


Yes some do. You used your words, multiple times.

Your giving her a taste of her own medicine was an intentional, isolated and brief behavior, and you quickly clarified for her what it was about rather than, say, gaslight her or let her worry you might cheat.


She’s an adult, fully informed, and is free to feel you crossed a boundary of hers and do whatever she wants about that.

As it stands, you both and your relationship are healthier for having taken that path.

It’s not related at all to covert passive aggressive manipulation as a way of life.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Heading on a cruise tomorrow morning with gf and kids and my kids. First blended vacation. Wish me luck. I don’t want to put any pressure on this and I want my kids to have a great time as this is their first time on a ship. I hope we can all get along well because this is a big step for me.


----------



## Not

Doing better! I think I got stuck in a rut, just couldn't focus on anything else. I needed to be knocked into a different frame of mind, like a good smack upside the head. Therapist helped with that. It kind of feels like stepping out of a cave back into the hustle and bustle of everyday life. And nothing happened on my birthday! Which may have something to do with the camera that's positioned right in your face when approaching my place. 

I did get a message on POF on my birthday, from someone who's got my interest piqued. I had decided to forgo dating for now but with this person it'll work out well. He works out of state for weeks at a time and is gone now but will be home for about three weeks starting mid-August. So I have someone to talk and flirt with, with plenty of time to get to know him before meeting and still have time to myself. I like the idea of that.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Doing better! I think I got stuck in a rut, just couldn't focus on anything else. I needed to be knocked into a different frame of mind, like a good smack upside the head. Therapist helped with that. It kind of feels like stepping out of a cave back into the hustle and bustle of everyday life. And nothing happened on my birthday! Which may have something to do with the camera that's positioned right in your face when approaching my place.
> 
> I did get a message on POF on my birthday, from someone who's got my interest piqued. I had decided to forgo dating for now but with this person it'll work out well. He works out of state for weeks at a time and is gone now but will be home for about three weeks starting mid-August. So I have someone to talk and flirt with, with plenty of time to get to know him before meeting and still have time to myself. I like the idea of that.


Glad tp hear you're doing well and had an uneventful birthday. Happy belated, btw!

I'm still getting e-cards, but I deleted this one without opening it and wasn't as upset the last time. It feels great to have a small win, doesn't it?


----------



## RebuildingMe

I spent the weekend with my cousins at the beach. We are not really that close since my mom (their aunt) died 17 years ago. I see them maybe twice a year. Both are female, married, have kids. Both are in my age group 51 and 53. They were asking how my gf and I were doing. Told them we just got back from vacation, etc. then they stepped it up and were pushing the marriage card on me really hard. I was shocked as they know my history and my picker has been broken my whole life. I cited deep emotional as well as financial wounds from my previous marriages. Two broken homes, 5 kids now with broken homes, etc. I was still getting the full court press. How much they like my gf, take a chance, don’t worry about statistics, love conquers all, yada, yada. It wasn’t until I said that if I was ever going to marry again (which I’m not), it wouldn’t be to gf anyway, that they finally backed off. My brother stepped in and said “RebuildingMe should not ever get married again”. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I was very surprised. I didn’t understand their intentions. Do they think I’m lonely? I’m not. Do they think everyone needs to be paired up in life? I don’t. Or maybe it was more of ‘misery likes company’. I left scratching my head. I’ll also add that I was there by myself with my two very well adjusted and happy 10 year old twins. Strange…


----------



## PieceOfSky

@RebuildingMe ,

Sounds a lot like TAM, people eagerly expressing what other people should be doing in their lives, with very little information and many self-serving assumptions, motivated by the wants, unfulfilled wishes, fears and disappointments of the one’s doling out advice without consequence.

What are the chances gf will hear back from one of them, or one of their friends, what you said?


----------



## Openminded

RebuildingMe said:


> Do they think I’m lonely? I’m not. Do they think everyone needs to be paired up in life? I don’t. Or maybe it was more of ‘misery likes company’.


My guess is that they probably think all of those things to some degree. Some people are much happier not married but there will always be those married people who think everyone should be exactly like them. The truth is that marriage doesn’t work for everyone. I may not have known that many decades ago but I do now and there’s no way I would take that step again.


----------



## RebuildingMe

PieceOfSky said:


> @RebuildingMe ,
> 
> Sounds a lot like TAM, people eagerly expressing what other people should be doing in their lives, with very little information and many self-serving assumptions, motivated by the wants, unfulfilled wishes, fears and disappointments of the one’s doling out advice without consequence.
> 
> What are the chances gf will hear back from one of them, or one of their friends, what you said?


I don’t think it would get back to her, but even if it did, it’s nothing that we haven’t already discussed together. It’s nothing either one of us wants right now, although, I know it’s something she would want 5-6 years from now when all her kids are adults.

I like your analogy of TAM, but in this case they have all of the information needed. They know my past history and how it unfolded. I guess I just assumed no one in my family would ever recommend marriage to me, knowing it’s been a history of failures. I was surprised and caught off guard for this conversation. More like advice they were trying to give me.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Openminded said:


> My guess is that they probably think all of those things to some degree. Some people are much happier not married but there will always be those married people who think everyone should be exactly like them. The truth is that marriage doesn’t work for everyone. I may not have known that many decades ago but I do now and there’s no way I would take that step again.


I agree. They all grew up devoted Catholics. They were all of the mindset you get married, have kids and life is grand. I personally know their lives are not grand all of the time, nor their marriages. But that’s normal. It’s just incredible that people feel that the only way to live is being married. If you’re single, there’s something wrong with you. They also played the card that I am not doing right by my kids raising them as a single dad. That point was subtle, but received.


----------



## Numb26

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree. They all grew up devoted Catholics. They were all of the mindset you get married, have kids and life is grand. I personally know their lives are not grand all of the time, nor their marriages. But that’s normal. It’s just incredible that people feel that the only way to live is being married. If you’re single, there’s something wrong with you. They also played the card that I am not doing right by my kids raising them as a single dad. That point was subtle, but received.


If being single is wrong, I don't want to be right. I can't wait till somebody makes a crack about me being a single dad.


----------



## 2&out

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree. They all grew up devoted Catholics. They were all of the mindset you get married, have kids and life is grand. I personally know their lives are not grand all of the time, nor their marriages. But that’s normal. It’s just incredible that people feel that the only way to live is being married. If you’re single, there’s something wrong with you. They also played the card that I am not doing right by my kids raising them as a single dad. That point was subtle, but received.


Well that last part is crap - and offensive. Maybe because I received some of the same "shade". I raised my 2 kids as a 100% custody dad from ages 2 and 5. Their in their mid 20's now both with advanced degrees making very large bang by anyone's standard and are happy and healthy. Don't listen to that crap. At all. If they bring it up again tell them you believe the kids are better off now than ever and you aren't going to change that. It's no secret though that to me being married is a compromise. I did it, I'd like to think I learned from, and no effing way for me again.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> I spent the weekend with my cousins at the beach. We are not really that close since my mom (their aunt) died 17 years ago. I see them maybe twice a year. Both are female, married, have kids. Both are in my age group 51 and 53. They were asking how my gf and I were doing. Told them we just got back from vacation, etc. then they stepped it up and were pushing the marriage card on me really hard. I was shocked as they know my history and my picker has been broken my whole life. I cited deep emotional as well as financial wounds from my previous marriages. Two broken homes, 5 kids now with broken homes, etc. I was still getting the full court press. How much they like my gf, take a chance, don’t worry about statistics, love conquers all, yada, yada. It wasn’t until I said that if I was ever going to marry again (which I’m not), it wouldn’t be to gf anyway, that they finally backed off. My brother stepped in and said “RebuildingMe should not ever get married again”. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
> 
> I was very surprised. I didn’t understand their intentions. Do they think I’m lonely? I’m not. Do they think everyone needs to be paired up in life? I don’t. Or maybe it was more of ‘misery likes company’. I left scratching my head. I’ll also add that I was there by myself with my two very well adjusted and happy 10 year old twins. Strange…


People's are weird. I have an older casual female friend ask if I'd gotten a surprise marriage proposal for Christmas.

It struck me as weird that she'd assume I wanted marriage, and also assumed that I'd want to be surprised. If I were to even consider it we'd discuss it together.

What's extra funny is that her marriage is hardly traditional. Before her hb she was screwing a married man (I didn't know her then) and I know for a fact still gets **** pics from him. And her ex hb has what I consider an inappropriate role in her life....apparently she and her hb have an arrangement.

Somehow this person is talking about "my hand in marriage". LOL


----------



## RebuildingMe

lifeistooshort said:


> People's are weird. I had older casual female friend ask if idea gotten a surprise marriage proposal for Christmas.
> 
> It struck me as weird that she'd assume I wanted marriage, and also assumed that I'd want to be surprised. If I were to even consider it we'd discuss it together.
> 
> What's extra funny is that her marriage is hardly traditional. Before her hb she was screwing a married man (I didn't know her then) and I know for a fact still gets **** pics from him. And her ex hb has what I consider an inappropriate role in her life....apparently she and her hb have an arrangement.
> 
> Somehow this person is talking about "my hand in marriage". LOL


She sounds like an awful woman. You might want to keep her at arms length. I also agree with you on no surprises, not at our age anyhow.


----------



## RebuildingMe

2&out said:


> Well that last part is crap - and offensive. Maybe because I received some of the same "shade". I raised my 2 kids as a 100% custody dad from ages 2 and 5. Their in their mid 20's now both with advanced degrees making very large bang by anyone's standard and are happy and healthy. Don't listen to that crap. At all. If they bring it up again tell them you believe the kids are better off now than ever and you aren't going to change that. It's no secret though that to me being married is a compromise. I did it, I'd like to think I learned from, and no effing way for me again.


Nice job with your kiddos, brother. I’m sure there was a lot of people along the way who doubted you could raise them the way you did.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> She sounds like an awful woman. You might want to keep her at arms length. I also agree with you on no surprises, not at our age anyhow.


Eh, she's not a close friend....just someone I see at a club I belong to and we've had lunch a couple of times. The last time she made a couple of comments thar pissed me off so I'm not sure we'll be doing it again.


----------



## gaius

lifeistooshort said:


> People's are weird. I have an older casual female friend ask if I'd gotten a surprise marriage proposal for Christmas.
> 
> It struck me as weird that she'd assume I wanted marriage, and also assumed that I'd want to be surprised. If I were to even consider it we'd discuss it together.
> 
> What's extra funny is that her marriage is hardly traditional. Before her hb she was screwing a married man (I didn't know her then) and I know for a fact still gets **** pics from him. And her ex hb has what I consider an inappropriate role in her life....apparently she and her hb have an arrangement.
> 
> Somehow this person is talking about "my hand in marriage". LOL


I see some women as catches and just assume their boyfriends are always moments away from proposing. Since I don't know the inner dynamics of their relationship. It's a compliment really but there's no way to actually bring it up to one of them without making it seem like an insult if the guy hasn't proposed. 

So maybe her intentions were good but execution was awful. At least she gives you good stories for TAM.


----------



## lifeistooshort

gaius said:


> I see some women as catches and just assume their boyfriends are always moments away from proposing. Since I don't know the inner dynamics of their relationship. It's a compliment really but there's no way to actually bring it up to one of them without making it seem like an insult if the guy hasn't proposed.
> 
> So maybe her intentions were good but execution was awful. At least she gives you good stories for TAM.


You might be right 😚
She has mentioned that I'm a "rock star" and he was single "forever" before he met me and now seems so happy.

He definitely is happy as am I but he never married and I've had 2 marriages so neither one of us is in a rush. I guess it could happen but what we have now is working and I think both of up are in it for the long haul. We're 56 and 48 so it's not like kids are happening 😅

Funny thing....she was dating her husband for over 11 years before they finally married so he didn't seem to be in a rush marry her. She wanted to marry much sooner....she told me this.


----------



## RebuildingMe

lifeistooshort said:


> You might be right 😚
> She has mentioned that I'm a "rock star" and he was single "forever" before he met me and now seems so happy.
> 
> He definitely is happy as am I but he never married and I've had 2 marriages so neither one of us is in a rush. I guess it could happen but what we have now is working and I think both of up are in it for the long haul. We're 56 and 48 so it's not like kids are happening 😅
> 
> Funny thing....she was dating her husband for over 11 years before they finally married so he didn't seem to be in a rush marry her. She wanted to marry much sooner....she told me this.


You are 56 and he is 48? I also never knew you were divorced x2. Another member of the club 😂


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> You are 56 and he is 48? I also never knew you were divorced x2. Another member of the club 😂


Blasphemy! He is 56 and I am 48 😀

Yep...twice. Kids dad was an abusive drunk and when I left him I didn't take the time I should have to reflect, so I ended up with a surface "nice guy" who was significantly older and a nasty passive aggressive phony.

Live and learn.


----------



## RebuildingMe

lifeistooshort said:


> Blasphemy! He is 56 and I am 48 😀
> 
> Yep...twice. Kids dad was an abusive drunk and when I left him I didn't take the time I should have to reflect, so I ended up with a surface "nice guy" who was significantly older and a nasty passive aggressive phony.
> 
> Live and learn.


You struck gold in finding a dude never married, no kids and no ex drama. So what he’s a decade older…many men age well!


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> You struck gold in finding a dude never married, no kids and no ex drama. So what he’s a decade older…many men age well!


To me 8 years is nothing and he is holding up well....we're both athletes and health conscious.

And yes....the lack of drama is very nice. I think he'd say that I come with pretty much no drama as well....kids dad and get along fine and have limited contact as kids are grown, and I have zero contact with ex #2.

Kids are doing well so no problems there.

I help out with his elderly parents all the time....mine are gone.

Probably helps that I look pretty good and he's getting 3-5 times a week, and I enjoy all of it 😊


----------



## Lila

👋 TAM family. 

Hope everyone is staying healthy and enjoying the last few weeks of this hellishly hot summer. 

It's been a while since I last logged on to read this thread. Anyone start a new relationship? Gotten married?


----------



## minimalME

@Lila!!! How are you??? 🤗💕


----------



## Affaircare

@Lila !!!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> 👋 TAM family.
> 
> Hope everyone is staying healthy and enjoying the last few weeks of this hellishly hot summer.
> 
> It's been a while since I last logged on to read this thread. Anyone start a new relationship? Gotten married?


Gotten married? Bite your tongue woman!

How’s everything?


----------



## Lila

minimalME said:


> @Lila!!! How are you??? 🤗💕


Doing great! Family is healthy and work is flowing. No complaints there. My social/dating life is the definition of insanity but crazy stops registering on the scale after a while. 😂😂. 

How are you doing? 



Affaircare said:


> @Lila !!!!


👋 @Affaircare!!! Miss your sage advice. What's the good word from the Newlyweds?


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> Gotten married? Bite your tongue woman!
> 
> How’s everything?


Lol. One day I will check this thread and you will be eating those words. 😂. How's life treating you?

Life is going great for me but had a crazy summer. Wanted to see what being "that crazy chick" was all about. With the exception of the stalker, I had a blast and got more offers to "relationship" than I have the entirety of the time since my divorce. Men do love crazy women. Lol. Alas all good things must come to an end. I'm back to hermit mode for the next 9 months 😁.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Lol. One day I will check this thread and you will be eating those words. 😂. How's life treating you?
> 
> Life is going great for me but had a crazy summer. Wanted to see what being "that crazy chick" was all about. With the exception of the stalker, I had a blast and got more offers to "relationship" than I have the entirety of the time since my divorce. Men do love crazy women. Lol. Alas all good things must come to an end. I'm back to hermit mode for the next 9 months 😁.


I’m so glad to hear you had an awesome summer! Crazy usually does invite crazy 😂


----------



## TXTrini

Hey Lila, it's good to see you! You know you can't drop tantalizing hints like that and not dish!

What cray cray ish have you been up to? This kitty is super curious 😺


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> Hey Lila, it's good to see you! You know you can't drop tantalizing hints like that and not dish!
> 
> What cray cray ish have you been up to? This kitty is super curious 😺


I think I had a DGAF summer. It was triggered when Pogo moved out of state. My goal was to have fun while enjoying the company of the people I was with, whether friends or strangers. 

I maxed out my social calendar, flirted with everyone (women and men), and casually dated a handful of men. Strangely enough, the more I stuck to my "I don't want anything serious" the more the men I dated wanted an exclusive relationship. Go figure. 

How are you doing?


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I think I had a DGAF summer. It was triggered when Pogo moved out of state. My goal was to have fun while enjoying the company of the people I was with, whether friends or strangers.
> 
> I maxed out my social calendar, flirted with everyone (women and men), and casually dated a handful of men. Strangely enough, the more I stuck to my "I don't want anything serious" the more the men I dated wanted an exclusive relationship. Go figure.
> 
> How are you doing?


It sounds like it was very good for you; I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! You sound way lighter than you were.

I'm ok, just plodding on Operation Unfuck myself 😂. I graduated and am job hunting trying to make my career change happen and get my life firmly on track.

Somehow through our collective crap, my bf and I have been doing very well. Like you, I wasn't looking for anything serious at all, but now he's wanting more. I'm good the way things are, we're exclusive, enjoy each other's company a lot and see eye to eye on most things. It's nice to be my unedited self, even though it can cause butthurt, but I figure if the dude can dish, dude can take 😁. 

I say, have fun and enjoy yourself, lady! Do you think you've had a more positive experience this time around because you're simply getting to know your days without pressure to be more and letting yourself shine?


----------



## minimalME

TXTrini said:


> I graduated and am job hunting trying to make my career change happen and get my life firmly on track.


Congratulations! 🎓🤗📜


----------



## TurnedTurtle

Lila said:


> It's been a while since I last logged on to read this thread. Anyone start a new relationship?


Yes, and then got dumped...


----------



## 342693

Numb26 said:


> If being single is wrong, I don't want to be right. I can't wait till somebody makes a crack about me being a single dad.


I was a single Dad when my son was 4, daughter was 1. Never really got any negative cracks. I put 100% of my effort into being the best Dad I could be and didn't need any help. Family and friends noticed that and not a bumbling, helpless Dad. Looking back, not sure how I did it.


----------



## LATERILUS79

So this is where all the cool kids hang out. 


Been officially single for a whole 2 weeks (but essentially single for 5 months). I think I'll spend some time reading this thread. Gleaning information. Putting together a game plan like I'm solving some engineering problem. You all just keep speaking. I'll learn as I go. 😁

I haven't been single since December of 2001. I'm sure I've got at least a few more months of single-ness in me due to getting settled in my house and getting into my custody routine with my kids. I want everything to first wind down and be stable before I add more drama to my life. 

After that? Well, I guess I gotta figure this crap out. Lots of tech and cultural shifts happened since the last time I was on the prowl. Hopefully I can still generate interest... or just learn how to do so.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> So this is where all the cool kids hang out.
> 
> 
> Been officially single for a whole 2 weeks (but essentially single for 5 months). I think I'll spend some time reading this thread. Gleaning information. Putting together a game plan like I'm solving some engineering problem. You all just keep speaking. I'll learn as I go. 😁
> 
> I haven't been single since December of 2001. I'm sure I've got at least a few more months of single-ness in me due to getting settled in my house and getting into my custody routine with my kids. I want everything to first wind down and be stable before I add more drama to my life.
> 
> After that? Well, I guess I gotta figure this crap out. Lots of tech and cultural shifts happened since the last time I was on the prowl. Hopefully I can still generate interest... or just learn how to do so.


I actually googled "How to date in 2020" cause I had no clue either 😂. You should also check out last year's thread, it was more active.

Welcome to the jungle! Try not to get eaten up and pooped out!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I actually googled "How to date in 2020" cause I had no clue either 😂. You should also check out last year's thread, it was more active.
> 
> Welcome to the jungle! Try not to get eaten up and pooped out!


Don’t know who would eat me up and poop me out, but I’ll make sure to look out for it. 😅


----------



## Hiner112

LATERILUS79 said:


> So this is where all the cool kids hang out.
> 
> 
> Been officially single for a whole 2 weeks (but essentially single for 5 months). I think I'll spend some time reading this thread. Gleaning information. Putting together a game plan like I'm solving some engineering problem. You all just keep speaking. I'll learn as I go. 😁
> 
> I haven't been single since December of 2001. I'm sure I've got at least a few more months of single-ness in me due to getting settled in my house and getting into my custody routine with my kids. I want everything to first wind down and be stable before I add more drama to my life.
> 
> After that? Well, I guess I gotta figure this crap out. Lots of tech and cultural shifts happened since the last time I was on the prowl. Hopefully I can still generate interest... or just learn how to do so.


Some things that I learned when I became single a couple years ago.

"Nice guy" has stopped being a compliment and is now an insult. It now actually means selfish and entitled asshole.

Back when I had been single before (as a teen before becoming coupled in 1997) there was essentially single, one night stand, and dating. Exclusivity often requires a few dates and a discussion.

Given that you're becoming single after a couple decades, I think I can assume that you're at least in my general age neighborhood. A lot of dating is just coordinating lives. Kids, careers, etc. Opposite weekends / schedules with kids could mean that you can never meet some people.


----------



## heartsbeating

Lila said:


> I think I had a DGAF summer. It was triggered when Pogo moved out of state. My goal was to have fun while enjoying the company of the people I was with, whether friends or strangers.
> 
> I maxed out my social calendar, flirted with everyone (women and men), and casually dated a handful of men. Strangely enough, the more I stuck to my "I don't want anything serious" the more the men I dated wanted an exclusive relationship. Go figure.
> 
> How are you doing?


@Lila donning her DGAF summer vibe:


----------



## Affaircare

I envision @Lila 's DGAF a little more like this:


----------



## Not

Not said:


> I did get a message on POF on my birthday, from someone who's got my interest piqued. I had decided to forgo dating for now but with this person it'll work out well. He works out of state for weeks at a time and is gone now but will be home for about three weeks starting mid-August. So I have someone to talk and flirt with, with plenty of time to get to know him before meeting and still have time to myself. I like the idea of that.


I’ve been talking, texting and video chatting with this guy for a month now and thought things were going well. He’s still out of state but should be home by the weekend. The reason I’m posting is dude dropped the L bomb on me last night. WTF? His stats….47 years old, wife passed in 2013 and works ALOT so pretty much gave up on having a lasting relationship because he’s never home. Women don’t stay because he’s always gone.

My first instinct is to run but my inner fixer is saying talk to him first. What the hell to do? And no, I am nowhere near that level of feeling.


----------



## minimalME

Not said:


> My first instinct is to run but my inner fixer is saying talk to him first. What the hell to do? And no, I am nowhere near that level of feeling.


He's fantasizing. Which part of me wants to say is normal to a certain extent. But for him to say that he loves you shows a lack of self-control, so a lack of integrity. I doubt that'll change.

ETA: Someone who's never met you in person telling you they love you? Why would they do that? It's manipulative. It has no genuine meaning between the two of you. There's no life experience that you've shared. At this point, it would be about control.


----------



## Not

I agree Minimal. The more I think about it the crazier it feels. I'm thinking he's an extremely lonely person which can't be a good place to be coming from. At least not a balanced place.


----------



## minimalME

Not said:


> I agree Minimal. The more I think about it the crazier it feels. I'm thinking he's an extremely lonely person which can't be a good place to be coming from. At least not a balanced place.


I’m not even saying his behavior is intentional or malicious. It could be second nature, but it’s immature and not good for you.


----------



## Openminded

Not said:


> I agree Minimal. The more I think about it the crazier it feels. I'm thinking he's an extremely lonely person which can't be a good place to be coming from. At least not a balanced place.


Is this the same guy you were dealing with in the past whose wife had died or am I confusing people?


----------



## Not

Openminded said:


> Is this the same guy you were dealing with in the past whose wife had died or am I confusing people?


Different guy.


----------



## RebuildingMe

I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.


I'm so SORRY to hear that!!!


----------



## Affaircare

RebuildingMe said:


> I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.


@RebuildingMe ,

I'm sorry it's come to this, but she's shown you for a long time--the whole two years--that she seeks that social media male attention, and looking back you'd be uncomfortable, she'd change/block/stop for a bit, then do it again. I'm not sure what her issue is, but here's what I do know: she isn't a good fit for you. I think you have every right to have a boundary that your partner is faithful to you, and you know my definition of fidelity: giving 100% of your affection, loyalty and companionship to your partner! That leaves 0% for others. 

I believe you were wise to end it. Still, I know it must hurt, and for that I am truly sorry.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.



I'm sorry, that sucks. You have to wonder how we keep picking the same types. I keep picking crazy and you get the attention seekers/cheaters.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I'm sorry, that sucks. You have to wonder how we keep picking the same types. I keep picking crazy and you get the attention seekers/cheaters.


Crazy how this works. You know, I have my flaws, we all do, but I think she made a big mistake.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Affaircare said:


> @RebuildingMe ,
> 
> I'm sorry it's come to this, but she's shown you for a long time--the whole two years--that she seeks that social media male attention, and looking back you'd be uncomfortable, she'd change/block/stop for a bit, then do it again. I'm not sure what her issue is, but here's what I do know: she isn't a good fit for you. I think you have every right to have a boundary that your partner is faithful to you, and you know my definition of fidelity: giving 100% of your affection, loyalty and companionship to your partner! That leaves 0% for others.
> 
> I believe you were wise to end it. Still, I know it must hurt, and for that I am truly sorry.


Thank you! My brother thinks I was too harsh, but people than didn’t go through infidelity have no idea. This is going to be harder on my daughter than it will be on me. I’m picking them up in a few minutes and will tell them that we are simply not dating anymore.

Let this be a lesson…..don’t give second chances!


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Crazy how this works. You know, I have my flaws, we all do, but I think she made a big mistake.


Yeah, she screwed up. When you see the same pattern playing out over and over though you begin to see that they either can’t see or don’t care that their behavior is causing damage. I lean toward the latter.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Yeah, she screwed up. When you see the same pattern playing out over and over though you begin to see that they either can’t see or don’t care that their behavior is causing damage. I lean toward the latter.


100%. I agree it’s definitely a little of both. They don’t see it, therefore, what did they do wrong? If they cared, they’d respect it and just accept it. She disrespected me. She has a ton of friends and a lot of them are divorced women who will give her the “you go girl” chant and call me a controlling narcissist and that will cheer her up I’m sure.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’ve been talking, texting and video chatting with this guy for a month now and thought things were going well. He’s still out of state but should be home by the weekend. The reason I’m posting is dude dropped the L bomb on me last night. WTF? His stats….47 years old, wife passed in 2013 and works ALOT so pretty much gave up on having a lasting relationship because he’s never home. Women don’t stay because he’s always gone.
> 
> My first instinct is to run but my inner fixer is saying talk to him first. What the hell to do? And no, I am nowhere near that level of feeling.


Whoa! That's teenage stuff! Grown men shouldn't be tossing that around; you haven't met!

So... he couldn't contain it to "I really like you and can't wait to meet you?" It sounds like a combo of love-bombing and caging by flattery to me, I'd run.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.


I don't get it. Why do people do that crap? She had all the attention she could want from you. 

Sorry you're dealing with this, it's very much her loss.


----------



## Affaircare

@RebuildingMe ,

I tend to think of it this way: she may be fine and dandy for someone who's extremely extroverted or who is a social flirt themselves. She may be fine and dandy for someone who wants a less-committed relationship or "steady FWB". But she is not suited for YOU. That's not what you want or need. You want someone who is committed to you and you alone and who will respect that's one of your emotional needs. 

People always say that boundaries are "what you will allow into your life." Her boundary might be that she'd allow that kind of behavior both in herself and in her partner. That isn't YOUR boundary. Yours is that you do not allow that kind of treatment of yourself by your partner, nor would you treat your partner that way! Okay. See what I mean? 

I don't see judging her. She is who she is. You are who you are. You two are not a match.


----------



## Openminded

@RebuildingMe, the first time you told her that didn’t work for you and she agreed to stop. The second time you told her that didn’t work for you and you felt she finally understood. Now there’s a third time. Her pattern is to love-bomb you when these things happen and you agree to try again. But she doesn’t change who she is — she just hides it for awhile. Don’t you feel you deserve someone better?


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> Thank you! My brother thinks I was too harsh, but people than didn’t go through infidelity have no idea. This is going to be harder on my daughter than it will be on me. I’m picking them up in a few minutes and will tell them that we are simply not dating anymore.
> 
> Let this be a lesson…..don’t give second chances!


I don't think you were too harsh, it was a smart move.

Attention whores make poor partners because of the boundary issues.

Plenty of us women require zero attention from other men when we're with someone we like.


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> I haven't been single since December of 2001.


I haven't been single since 1982...


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Whoa! That's teenage stuff! Grown men shouldn't be tossing that around; you haven't met!
> 
> So... he couldn't contain it to "I really like you and can't wait to meet you?" It sounds like a combo of love-bombing and caging by flattery to me, I'd run.


It did freak me out. He's originally from Texas so there's a lot of "sweetheart", "baby" and "sugar" kind of talk, which is just the way Texans can talk but using the ILY words was too much. Who knows he may have meant something else by it. We weren't even talking about anything mushy when he said it, we were talking about work. 

My sister was asking about the preceding conversation and she thinks it could have been a "Texan" compliment. As in "thank you for being patient, I love that about you". I admit she could be right but I haven't responded to him since so.....


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> It did freak me out. He's originally from Texas so there's a lot of "sweetheart", "baby" and "sugar" kind of talk, which is just the way Texans can talk but using the ILY words was too much. Who knows he may have meant something else by it. We weren't even talking about anything mushy when he said it, we were talking about work.
> 
> My sister was asking about the preceding conversation and she thinks it could have been a "Texan" compliment. As in "thank you for being patient, I love that about you". I admit she could be right but I haven't responded to him since so.....


Uhm, I dated Texan men, the only one who did that was my exH. I was younger and flattered at the time, I know better now.

We have our fair share of weirdos. A few men proposed in their opening message OLD, a couple were excited to look for a "new momma" for their kid. 🤔 

🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️


----------



## lifeistooshort

TXTrini said:


> Uhm, I dated Texan men, the only one who did that was my exH. I was younger and flattered at the time, I know better now.
> 
> We have our fair share of weirdos. A few men proposed in their opening message OLD, a couple were excited to look for a "new momma" for their kid. 🤔
> 
> 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️


My ex hb loved bombed. It was a cover for a lot of other undesirable qualities he had.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Uhm, I dated Texan men, the only one who did that was my exH. I was younger and flattered at the time, I know better now.
> 
> We have our fair share of weirdos. A few men proposed in their opening message OLD, a couple were excited to look for a "new momma" for their kid. 🤔
> 
> 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️





lifeistooshort said:


> My ex hb loved bombed. It was a cover for a lot of other undesirable qualities he had.


I still haven’t responded and not a peep out of him either. He’s not very bright apparently. If your going to love bomb someone at least be good at it and know what your doing. 🤦‍♀️


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Uhm, I dated Texan men, the only one who did that was my exH. I was younger and flattered at the time, I know better now.
> 
> We have our fair share of weirdos. A few men proposed in their opening message OLD, a couple were excited to look for a "new momma" for their kid. 🤔
> 
> 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️


Damn! I didn’t even think of that, TXTrini! What a great idea!

now I’m gonna go try to find a new woman to help me raise my kids. 😂


----------



## Quad73

Not said:


> I still haven’t responded and not a peep out of him either. He’s not very bright apparently. If your going to love bomb someone at least be good at it and know what your doing.


Maybe he wasn't love bombing you then.
Not worth a talk? The worst that could happen is you break up, which is your default right now anyway.


----------



## minimalME

Quad73 said:


> Maybe he wasn't love bombing you then.
> Not worth a talk? The worst that could happen is you break up, which is your default right now anyway.


To me, it's not worth a talk. 

A man who tells you he loves before meeting you is not a mature individual.


----------



## LATERILUS79

minimalME said:


> To me, it's not worth a talk.
> 
> A man who tells you he loves before meeting you is not a mature individual.


Smells of desperation


----------



## minimalME

LATERILUS79 said:


> Smells of desperation


When I was dating, I had guys say this sort of thing. It's nonsense. 

We, of course, have no way of knowing what his motivation is, but, more often than not, I'd say it's a way to control the direction of a couple's interactions - 'I'm falling in love with you! See - I'm invested. Let's have sex.' 🙄😂


----------



## Not

Quad73 said:


> Maybe he wasn't love bombing you then.
> Not worth a talk? The worst that could happen is you break up, which is your default right now anyway.


We're not dating, haven't even met yet.


----------



## LATERILUS79

minimalME said:


> When I was dating, I had guys say this sort of thing. It's nonsense.
> 
> We, of course, have no way of knowing what his motivation is, but, more often than not, I'd say it's a way to control the direction of a couple's interactions - 'I'm falling in love with you! See - I'm invested. Let's have sex.' 🙄😂


Yeah..... I haven't dated since 2001 and I certainly have no idea what I'm doing with the ladies, but I am actually smart enough not to throw around the word "love". That's ridiculous. I'd kick my own ass for doing that. 

Besides, I think my exwife used up all my "love". Don't see that happening for a long time regardless if I'm dating someone long term or not.


----------



## minimalME

LATERILUS79 said:


> Besides,* I think my exwife used up all my "love"*. Don't see that happening for a long time regardless if I'm dating someone long term or not.


I'm sorry. 😔


----------



## LATERILUS79

minimalME said:


> I'm sorry. 😔


What? Why? 

I'm fine. I'd much rather be in the position I am in right now instead of devastated because the woman I loved for 20 years never loved me. I'm good. I no longer love her. I am looking forward to meeting interesting women that are actually interested in hanging out with me (and if we like each other and want to date, having LOTS of sex. That would be pretty sweet.).


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I still haven’t responded and not a peep out of him either. He’s not very bright apparently. If your going to love bomb someone at least be good at it and know what your doing. 🤦‍♀️


That's so weird! So... what would you do if he pops up again?


----------



## minimalME

LATERILUS79 said:


> What? Why?


It's just a general statement to acknowledge your suffering. 😬😅


----------



## LATERILUS79

minimalME said:


> It's just a general statement to acknowledge your suffering. 😬😅


All good!


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Yeah..... I haven't dated since 2001 and I certainly have no idea what I'm doing with the ladies, but I am actually smart enough not to throw around the word "love". That's ridiculous. I'd kick my own ass for doing that.
> 
> Besides, I think my exwife used up all my "love". Don't see that happening for a long time regardless if I'm dating someone long term or not.


No one can use up your love unless you allow it. Why give over so much power to someone you used to know? Although the unknown can be terrifying, it's also full of possibility. Closing yourself off to that kinda defeats the purpose of going out there, you know? Anyway, you'll see once you step out. 



LATERILUS79 said:


> What? Why?
> 
> I'm fine. I'd much rather be in the position I am in right now instead of devastated because the woman I loved for 20 years never loved me. I'm good. I no longer love her. I am looking forward to meeting interesting women that are actually interested in hanging out with me (and if we like each other and want to date, having LOTS of sex. That would be pretty sweet.).


There's the rub; it's the rare woman who'll want to bonk without some emotion on the table. So you might be shooting yourself in the ... with that statement. 

I was terrified to face dating someone(s) new; it was not what I expected to be doing at this point in my life. Especially reading some of the stories on the singles thread!!! I can't believe some of the things grown folks do  Can't wait to read some of your adventures when you decide to venture forth into the jungle


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> No one can use up your love unless you allow it. Why give over so much power to someone you used to know? Although the unknown can be terrifying, it's also full of possibility. Closing yourself off to that kinda defeats the purpose of going out there, you know? Anyway, you'll see once you step out.
> 
> 
> There's the rub; it's the rare woman who'll want to bonk without some emotion on the table. So you might be shooting yourself in the ... with that statement.
> 
> I was terrified to face dating someone(s) new; it was not what I expected to be doing at this point in my life. Especially reading some of the stories on the singles thread!!! I can't believe some of the things grown folks do  Can't wait to read some of your adventures when you decide to venture forth into the jungle


I'm not saying I can't feel emotion. I'm just not handing over my heart all willy-nilly. I fully expect to feel emotions.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> That's so weird! So... what would you do if he pops up again?


I'll tell him the truth. The I love you thing was too over the top for me.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> I'm not saying I can't feel emotion. I'm just not handing over my heart all willy-nilly. I fully expect to feel emotions.


No worries, just cautioning you in case you meet someone great and run them off with that.

I wasn't prepared when I met my bf, I expected to be single and dating for years. It really took me by surprise, especially after my experience. It's funny how timing works, it's never the right time when it happens but it's either jump or miss an opportunity that might take time to come around again.


----------



## heartsbeating

Not said:


> My sister was asking about the preceding conversation and she thinks it could have been a "Texan" compliment. As in "thank you for being patient, I love that about you". I admit she could be right but I haven't responded to him since so.....


Was the context said in a ‘I love that about you’ way or was it ‘I love you’ …and what was tone and context?

If it was straight up declaration of love and before you met, then yeah, like others have already expressed here to you and as you felt within yourself. I need to admit, I didn’t even get what L-bomb meant until I read @minimalME ‘s posts after. I was scratching my head ‘what’s an L-bomb?’


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I'll tell him the truth. The I love you thing was too over the top for me.


Hopefully he won’t reach out and you can move on from the weirdo.


----------



## Not

heartsbeating said:


> Was the context said in a ‘I love that about you’ way or was it ‘I love you’ …and what was tone and context?
> 
> If it was straight up declaration of love and before you met, then yeah, like others have already expressed here to you and as you felt within yourself. I need to admit, I didn’t even get what L-bomb meant until I read @minimalME ‘s posts after. I was scratching my head ‘what’s an L-bomb?’


The context was I had just told him I'd talk to him again once he got home, that I was too busy with work this week and that would give him a chance to focus on his project and get it done so he could get home. He's out of state and is working 7 PM until 5 AM so that means he's messaging me all day when I'm at work. What I didn't say was that I was getting tired of all the texting, I'm not a fan of constant texting so this was a way for me to get out of it. His response was to say he just wants to go home and then I Love You with several hearts.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> It sounds like it was very good for you; I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! You sound way lighter than you were.
> 
> I'm ok, just plodding on Operation Unfuck myself 😂. I graduated and am job hunting trying to make my career change happen and get my life firmly on track.
> 
> Somehow through our collective crap, my bf and I have been doing very well. Like you, I wasn't looking for anything serious at all, but now he's wanting more. I'm good the way things are, we're exclusive, enjoy each other's company a lot and see eye to eye on most things. It's nice to be my unedited self, even though it can cause butthurt, but I figure if the dude can dish, dude can take 😁.
> 
> I say, have fun and enjoy yourself, lady! Do you think you've had a more positive experience this time around because you're simply getting to know your days without pressure to be more and letting yourself shine?


Congratulations!!!! How does it feel not to have to study and write thesis anymore? 

To answer your question about how it felt doing the "casual dating" summer.... It was really nice 😁.

ETA:. Just to recap since my previous posts, I'm back to being anxious again. Pogo is moving back into town in two weeks (long story short, he hated it - I knew he would). He came to visit last week and asked to restart our relationship 🙄. I don't know if I'm a dumbass for considering it.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Congratulations!!!! How does it feel not to have to study and write thesis anymore?
> 
> To answer your question about how it felt doing the "casual dating" summer.... It was really nice 😁.
> 
> ETA:. Just to recap since my previous posts, I'm back to being anxious again. Pogo is moving back into town in two weeks (long story short, he hated it - I knew he would). He came to visit last week and asked to restart our relationship 🙄. I don't know if I'm a dumbass for considering it.


Thanks! Ha, it's great, but replaced by a different kind of pressure. 

Ruh oh! Pogo sounds like he doesn't know what he wants! Do you think you can deal with that kind of uncertainty again? 

Btw, you don't wanna know what his nickname conjures an image of in my head 🤣 😂 😆


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Besides, I think my exwife used up all my "love". Don't see that happening for a long time regardless if I'm dating someone long term or not.


Thats what I'm feeling right now looking back during dating. I'm assuming it's just because I haven't found much chemistry. Now I just can't be bothered even putting myself out there again though.

I'm likely just going to stick to casual sex from now on, and that's if I even get the sexual itch again, my desire is dead again. I think I'm just done.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Thats what I'm feeling right now looking back during dating. I'm assuming it's just because I haven't found much chemistry. Now I just can't be bothered even putting myself out there again though.
> 
> I'm likely just going to stick to casual sex from now on, and that's if I even get the sexual itch again, my desire is dead again. I think I'm just done.


Oh, I don’t see my desire for sex ever dying off. I want it way too bad. Always had a very high sex drive.

but I’m not the casual sex type of person. I’ve only ever been with one woman my entire life and she broke my heart.

I’m not interested in finding casual sex partners, and at the same time, I know I’m not waiting until “love” again to have sex. I can focus my attention on one woman At a time. I’ll eventually start dating and I’ll find one woman I am interested in when I do, she we will get my attention and eventually I’ll start having sex again.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh, I don’t see my desire for sex ever dying off. I want it way too bad. Always had a very high sex drive.


For me it died off after breaking up last year, reignited by a sexy work crush, then after scratching the itch with someone else, it died off again 😅

I guess I'm low drive but I don't know 🤷‍♂️



> but I’m not the casual sex type of person. I’ve only ever been with one woman my entire life and she broke my heart
> 
> I’m not interested in finding casual sex partners, and at the same time, I know I’m not waiting until “love” again to have sex. I can focus my attention on one woman At a time. I’ll eventually start dating and I’ll find one woman I am interested in when I do, she we will get my attention and eventually I’ll start having sex again.


Yeah but she may desire more emotional availability. I don't really like casual sex either but what else is there? What you described sounds like casual dating/sex to me 😅


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> For me it died off after breaking up last year, reignited by a sexy work crush, then after scratching the itch with someone else, it died off again 😅
> 
> I guess I'm low drive but I don't know 🤷‍♂️
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah but she may desire more emotional availability. I don't really like casual sex either but what else is there? What you described sounds like casual dating/sex to me 😅


I’m not looking to build up a body count. I’m not interested in dating many women. Even when I say dating, that doesn’t mean automatic sex for me. Could just be a dinner or two. If I don’t find the woman interesting, I’ll move on. I need to spend some time with a woman to know if I want to keep her around for awhile. I guess our definitions of casual sex differ. I’m not looking to sleep with every woman I encounter. I can’t see myself sleeping with a woman after a couple of dates… 

but I’ve also never done this before and really have no clue what I’m doing. I know it is a different world out there now and I also I know that I have a ton more to offer now than what I did when I was 22 - and frankly, I think I’m better looking these days then what I was then. 

The difficult situation I feel like Im going to have to navigate is wanting to get to know a woman, finding things interesting about her, wanting to spend more time with her and then eventually getting to sex. Thing is though, sex in a relationship is #1 to me. I don’t need more friends. I have a high drive and want it every day. I won’t ever deal with what my exwife put me through again. I have to find a woman that is walking the same path as me. She needs to keep up or I move on. It’s as simple as that. I’d rather be alone than to deal with wondering about the next time I get to have sex or just living off crumbs that are handed to me. No thanks.

that’s my main concern. Having to send a woman on her way if we connect well and enjoy each other’s company but she isn’t all that interested in having lots of sex.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> I’m not looking to build up a body count. I’m not interested in dating many women. Even when I say dating, that doesn’t mean automatic sex for me. Could just be a dinner or two. If I don’t find the woman interesting, I’ll move on. I need to spend some time with a woman to know if I want to keep her around for awhile. I guess our definitions of casual sex differ. I’m not looking to sleep with every woman I encounter. I can’t see myself sleeping with a woman after a couple of dates…
> 
> but I’ve also never done this before and really have no clue what I’m doing. I know it is a different world out there now and I also I know that I have a ton more to offer now than what I did when I was 22 - and frankly, I think I’m better looking these days then what I was then.
> 
> The difficult situation I feel like Im going to have to navigate is wanting to get to know a woman, finding things interesting about her, wanting to spend more time with her and then eventually getting to sex. Thing is though, sex in a relationship is #1 to me. I don’t need more friends. I have a high drive and want it every day. I won’t ever deal with what my exwife put me through again. I have to find a woman that is walking the same path as me. She needs to keep up or I move on. It’s as simple as that. I’d rather be alone than to deal with wondering about the next time I get to have sex or just living off crumbs that are handed to me. No thanks.
> 
> that’s my main concern. Having to send a woman on her way if we connect well and enjoy each other’s company but she isn’t all that interested in having lots of sex.


I will caution you to say that many women you’ll be meeting are single moms with multiple kids and multiple priorities. That automatically puts you down on the low end of the pole. Finding time for “lots of sex” with these women is as easy as finding alien life


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> I’m not looking to build up a body count. I’m not interested in dating many women. Even when I say dating, that doesn’t mean automatic sex for me. Could just be a dinner or two. If I don’t find the woman interesting, I’ll move on. I need to spend some time with a woman to know if I want to keep her around for awhile. I guess our definitions of casual sex differ. I’m not looking to sleep with every woman I encounter. I can’t see myself sleeping with a woman after a couple of dates…


Well, exclusive FWBs are hard to find. I prefer that too but well...



> but I’ve also never done this before and really have no clue what I’m doing. I know it is a different world out there now and I also I know that I have a ton more to offer now than what I did when I was 22 - and frankly, I think I’m better looking these days then what I was then.
> 
> The difficult situation I feel like Im going to have to navigate is wanting to get to know a woman, finding things interesting about her, wanting to spend more time with her and then eventually getting to sex. Thing is though, sex in a relationship is #1 to me. I don’t need more friends. I have a high drive and want it every day. I won’t ever deal with what my exwife put me through again. I have to find a woman that is walking the same path as me. She needs to keep up or I move on. It’s as simple as that. I’d rather be alone than to deal with wondering about the next time I get to have sex or just living off crumbs that are handed to me. No thanks.
> 
> that’s my main concern. Having to send a woman on her way if we connect well and enjoy each other’s company but she isn’t all that interested in having lots of sex.


Well you will be sending lots of women on their way, that's just how it is. You'll get use to it. Not all are open about talking about sex until they find an emotional connection either.

If there is sexual tension and heavy flirting the sex may just happen organically but it took me 4 months actively dating before I found someone to bone in that manner. And she did not want exclusivity.

The rest well, all sorts of issues. One thing I noted was that women 30+ had lots of baggage, also many on dating sites at least had touch as their last love language so good luck with physical affection let alone sex.

But hey, my experience, maybe you can find a FWB exclusively from the get go. If you do, I wanna know how 😅 as these arrangements are the best


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> I will caution you to say that many women you’ll be meeting are single moms with multiple kids and multiple priorities. That automatically puts you down on the low end of the pole. Finding time for “lots of sex” with these women is as easy as finding alien life


Sounds good. If a woman can't take 10 minutes out of her day for sex, then she isn't worth my time for anything else. I'm not interested when it comes to investing HOURS of my time doing things for a woman that takes care of her love language when she can't take 10 minutes to take care of mine. Honestly, it really is that simple. 

but that is assuming I would be with a woman where sex wouldn't be a top priority. I'm never going to do that. Not a chance. I dealt with that for 20 years. I don't plan on wasting one more minute with a woman that has 1 million other priorities above sex. It can't work that way with me. I have kids. I have a ton of other priorities. Let's just be honest here - finding 10 minutes out of the day is EASY. Very easy. 

My guess? The high drive women of the world would be MORE THAN HAPPY to lock the door to the bedroom, let the kids bang on the door for 10 minutes, get to the business end of the relationship, THEN go and see what is so damn important that the kids need their mother right that very second. I'm well aware of how this works with my own kids. All kids can smell sex. The moment it starts, thats when they have their "emergencies". 😂 


I personally think it would be hilarious when I get to be an old man and I'm visiting my kids at their homes with their spouses... then go bang on their doors when they are trying to have sex. 🤣


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> I will caution you to say that many women you’ll be meeting are single moms with multiple kids and multiple priorities. That automatically puts you down on the low end of the pole. Finding time for “lots of sex” with these women is as easy as finding alien life


Lol and I avoided single mums and I ran into other issues with these single ladies, like touch being non-existent as a love language for them 😅


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Well, exclusive FWBs are hard to find. I prefer that too but well...
> 
> 
> 
> Well you will be sending lots of women on their way, that's just how it is. You'll get use to it. Not all are open about talking about sex until they find an emotional connection either.
> 
> If there is sexual tension and heavy flirting the sex may just happen organically but it took me 4 months actively dating before I found someone to bone in that manner. And she did not want exclusivity.
> 
> The rest well, all sorts of issues. One thing I noted was that women 30+ had lots of baggage, also many on dating sites at least had touch as their last love language so good luck with physical affection let alone sex.
> 
> But hey, my experience, maybe you can find a FWB exclusively from the get go. If you do, I wanna know how 😅 as these arrangements are the best


Dude...
I don't know what you are reading into my posts but you don't seem to understand me at all. 

I'm not looking for a FWB. I'm also not looking for tinderellas. 

I'd like to find a life-long partner if possible. It's just that I have boundaries now that I am no longer willing to cross. I am no longer willing to "give" everything of me and get so damn little in return. I'll be fine on my own. I have a ton to offer. I don't think it is going to be all that difficult to find a woman that is more than willing to want lots of sex and actually have a man in her life that doesn't treat her like trash - let alone treat her extremely well. 

If I have to send lots of women on their way, so be it. That is no longer a problem for me. I am not going to put in the massive effort that I used to do for my exwife. Thats not to say that I won't put in a lot of effort. I absolutely will! But the woman will have to earn it. I'm no longer just giving everything of myself and my resources for free while getting nothing in return (nothing is essentially what my exwife offered in return). 

I haven't decided on dating sites yet, but I know for sure I'm not going to bother with the free sites. I'm not looking for hookups. I'll try the pay-to-play ones. I figure if someone is willing to pay, then they are looking for more than just a casual hookup.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds good. If a woman can't take 10 minutes out of her day for sex, then she isn't worth my time for anything else. I'm not interested when it comes to investing HOURS of my time doing things for a woman that takes care of her love language when she can't take 10 minutes to take care of mine. Honestly, it really is that simple.
> 
> but that is assuming I would be with a woman where sex wouldn't be a top priority. I'm never going to do that. Not a chance. I dealt with that for 20 years. I don't plan on wasting one more minute with a woman that has 1 million other priorities above sex. It can't work that way with me. I have kids. I have a ton of other priorities. Let's just be honest here - finding 10 minutes out of the day is EASY. Very easy.
> 
> My guess? The high drive women of the world would be MORE THAN HAPPY to lock the door to the bedroom, let the kids bang on the door for 10 minutes, get to the business end of the relationship, THEN go and see what is so damn important that the kids need their mother right that very second. I'm well aware of how this works with my own kids. All kids can smell sex. The moment it starts, thats when they have their "emergencies". 😂
> 
> 
> I personally think it would be hilarious when I get to be an old man and I'm visiting my kids at their homes with their spouses... then go bang on their doors when they are trying to have sex. 🤣


I wouldn't even bother if I know a woman has to expend effort to want to touch me 🙄

Least love language? There's the door. I don't care how willing they are to put in the effort to make it work. I want to feel desired otherwise I'm not turned on at all no matter how sexy she is.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> I wouldn't even bother if I know a woman has to expend effort to want to touch me 🙄
> 
> Least love language? There's the door. I don't care how willing they are to put in the effort to make it work. I want to feel desired otherwise I'm not turned on at all no matter how sexy she is.


Yes. Exactly.

If I'm ever in another relationship, she absolutely must desire me. That is paramount.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Dude...
> I don't know what you are reading into my posts but you don't seem to understand me at all.
> 
> I'm not looking for a FWB. I'm also not looking for tinderellas.
> 
> I'd like to find a life-long partner if possible. It's just that I have boundaries now that I am no longer willing to cross. I am no longer willing to "give" everything of me and get so damn little in return. I'll be fine on my own. I have a ton to offer. I don't think it is going to be all that difficult to find a woman that is more than willing to want lots of sex and actually have a man in her life that doesn't treat her like trash - let alone treat her extremely well.
> 
> If I have to send lots of women on their way, so be it. That is no longer a problem for me. I am not going to put in the massive effort that I used to do for my exwife. Thats not to say that I won't put in a lot of effort. I absolutely will! But the woman will have to earn it. I'm no longer just giving everything of myself and my resources for free while getting nothing in return (nothing is essentially what my exwife offered in return).
> 
> I haven't decided on dating sites yet, but I know for sure I'm not going to bother with the free sites. I'm not looking for hookups. I'll try the pay-to-play ones. I figure if someone is willing to pay, then they are looking for more than just a casual hookup.


Fair enough, so you are looking for a relationship but at the same time you do not want to emotionally invest? I dunno bro...

I'm just not sure if that's realistic and if you do find someone like that she may be hoping she can turn you around, and she will be heartbroken.

I suggested FWBs as it's less collateral.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds good. If a woman can't take 10 minutes out of her day for sex, then she isn't worth my time for anything else. I'm not interested when it comes to investing HOURS of my time doing things for a woman that takes care of her love language when she can't take 10 minutes to take care of mine. Honestly, it really is that simple.
> 
> but that is assuming I would be with a woman where sex wouldn't be a top priority. I'm never going to do that. Not a chance. I dealt with that for 20 years. I don't plan on wasting one more minute with a woman that has 1 million other priorities above sex. It can't work that way with me. I have kids. I have a ton of other priorities. Let's just be honest here - finding 10 minutes out of the day is EASY. Very easy.
> 
> My guess? The high drive women of the world would be MORE THAN HAPPY to lock the door to the bedroom, let the kids bang on the door for 10 minutes, get to the business end of the relationship, THEN go and see what is so damn important that the kids need their mother right that very second. I'm well aware of how this works with my own kids. All kids can smell sex. The moment it starts, thats when they have their "emergencies". 😂
> 
> 
> I personally think it would be hilarious when I get to be an old man and I'm visiting my kids at their homes with their spouses... then go bang on their doors when they are trying to have sex. 🤣


Dude, absolutely no argument from me on any of your points. My experience revealed this isn’t easy to find. Many women are sexual until their kid texts that they need a ride, pick me up at dad’s, take me to work, etc. If you date a mom that even hints that “their kids are their world” they’ll drop you in a NY minute because their14 year old kid needs help wiping his ass.

Love the banging on your kids doors as we get older. Paybacks are a b$tch.


----------



## RebuildingMe

RandomDude said:


> Lol and I avoided single mums and I ran into other issues with these single ladies, like touch being non-existent as a love language for them 😅


I get the whole research that suggests avoiding single moms. However, at my age, they are plastered all over the sites. Not many people are interested in divorced (x2) with 5 kids, two still minors. That’s what keeps me in borderline relationships longer than I should. The things I have going for me are career, finances and looking younger than my age. Options are limited if you’re looking for middle aged women with no kids. I bring baggage so I allow some baggage as well. There’s just one bag I will not allow on my plane, and all of my exs seem to try and sneak that bag on. ☹


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Fair enough, so you are looking for a relationship but at the same time you do not want to emotionally invest? I dunno bro...
> 
> I'm just not sure if that's realistic and if you do find someone like that she may be hoping she can turn you around, and she will be heartbroken.
> 
> I suggested FWBs as it's less collateral.


I'm not sure if it is possible for me to communicate with you. I am sitting here at my chair absolutely dumbfounded. 

At no point have I ever said that I am not going to emotionally invest. You are taking projection to a new level. 🤣


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> I'm not sure if it is possible for me to communicate with you. I am sitting here at my chair absolutely dumbfounded.
> 
> At no point have I ever said that I am not going to emotionally invest. You are taking projection to a new level. 🤣


You did say your ex used up all your love, I assumed that means you have none or little left to give 😋 Thats the case for me though, as you mentioned maybe I am projecting and reading you wrong.

Its just that if a woman said that to me I would consider her as not emotionally available, and for single women a lot of them complain about emotionally unavailable men.

I get what you mean about no longer going to put in massive effort and have nothing in return. That's fair, but women will still want their lovey doveys.


----------



## LATERILUS79

My love may be used up right now, but I have no intention of having a long term partner if I don't have feelings for her and care about her. I don't plan on finding some long term partner any time soon - and when I say any time soon, I mean within the next 4-6 months. I can only go so long without sex and it's been since March now. And that sex was terrible as my exwife was a master at providing horrendous, anxiety inducing sex. 

I am emotionally available - but I am not willing to give everything and get nothing in return. My commitment will not come easy. I will have very hardline requirements (even if there are only a few). There are a wide variety of women out there and some will fit into the category of what I prefer. I find that most men don't have a super amount of requirements when it comes to the types of women they are interested in. That includes me as well. It really does not take much to please me and I am far more forgiving for woman's looks than a lot of men. the key is being desired. I must be shown how much the woman wants me. Sometimes I truly am amazed at how much complaining my exwife (and other women I've come across) will do when it comes to what they need to do to please me. It's laughable. 

the best thing about TAM is being proven that there are women available that want to be loved and are VERY happy to return that love to a quality man (which I very much am). 

honestly, the best possible scenario for me is to find a woman that came out of the same situation as me from a dead bedroom. We would wear each other out. 

As far as baggage goes? No worries. I honestly do not care. I will have my own baggage. I have my kids too so I'm not going to toss a woman to the side if she has kids. Again, I am VERY simple. Take care of me in the bedroom. Show me desire..... and the woman will be taken care of handsomely.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> My love may be used up right now, but I have no intention of having a long term partner if I don't have feelings for her and care about her. I don't plan on finding some long term partner any time soon - and when I say any time soon, I mean within the next 4-6 months. I can only go so long without sex and it's been since March now. And that sex was terrible as my exwife was a master at providing horrendous, anxiety inducing sex.
> 
> I am emotionally available - but I am not willing to give everything and get nothing in return. My commitment will not come easy. I will have very hardline requirements (even if there are only a few). There are a wide variety of women out there and some will fit into the category of what I prefer. I find that most men don't have a super amount of requirements when it comes to the types of women they are interested in. That includes me as well. It really does not take much to please me and I am far more forgiving for woman's looks than a lot of men. the key is being desired. I must be shown how much the woman wants me. Sometimes I truly am amazed at how much complaining my exwife (and other women I've come across) will do when it comes to what they need to do to please me. It's laughable.
> 
> the best thing about TAM is being proven that there are women available that want to be loved and are VERY happy to return that love to a quality man (which I very much am).
> 
> honestly, the best possible scenario for me is to find a woman that came out of the same situation as me from a dead bedroom. We would wear each other out.
> 
> As far as baggage goes? No worries. I honestly do not care. I will have my own baggage. I have my kids too so I'm not going to toss a woman to the side if she has kids. Again, I am VERY simple. Take care of me in the bedroom. Show me desire..... and the woman will be taken care of handsomely.


Then you sound fine, in 6 months or so at least. You have better odds than me, if I'm to get involved she has to be attractive to me, a certain race and body type, we must have sexual, romantic and mental chemistry, no dealbreakers AND desire me at least to the standard that my exs did 😅 Even though I'm LD compared to many men I'm used to sex on tap.

Its knowing my odds I've stopping giving a sh-t really. All I got in 6 months dating was a casual lay and I got bored of her because either than sex we had nothing going for us.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

@LATERILUS79, giving everything is a cumulative, not a flood at once, but at the same time the only way to trust is to trust.

After a couple times face to face times where you can put words to actions you will see if what they say and do align (especially if they align in a way that does not fit your values), and from there keep in mind that until a comfortable "I know you" recognition settles as an inner voice, every day is a choice to "send or be sent" for the both of you because they should have healthy boundaries in place as well.

I appreciate that both AC and I share the same boundaries, perhaps that is one of the foundational keys in our loving relationship.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Then you sound fine, in 6 months or so at least. You have better odds than me, if I'm to get involved she has to be attractive to me, a certain race and body type, we must have sexual, romantic and mental chemistry, no dealbreakers AND desire me at least to the standard that my exs did 😅 Even though I'm LD compared to many men I'm used to sex on tap.
> 
> Its knowing my odds I've stopping giving a sh-t really. All I got in 6 months dating was a casual lay and I got bored of her because either than sex we had nothing going for us.


Well, I didn't say the woman can't be attractive (to ME). No one wants to sleep with someone they aren't attracted to. I cringe at saying what I prefer on a woman here as I can only imagine the crap storm that would brew if I dared to say "I really do need "x" on a woman to find her attractive.". You'll have to trust me, It's not a massive requirement, but there are certain physical types that rev my engine, so to speak. I don't see myself deviating too much from the specifics that I require. 
yes, I know there is a little bit of a double standard here and the world is more forgiving if a woman lists what she desires in a man. 😂 This is ok with me and I understand that women are going to have their standards as well. 
As far as race goes..... um....... I'm a man. If I see the female form, well...... I'm interested. 😁


----------



## LATERILUS79

Emerging Buddhist said:


> @LATERILUS79, giving everything is a cumulative, not a flood at once, but at the same time the only way to trust is to trust.
> 
> After a couple times face to face times where you can put words to actions you will see if what they say and do align (especially if they align in a way that does not fit your values), and from there keep in mind that until a comfortable "I know you" recognition settles as an inner voice, every day is a choice to "send or be sent" for the both of you because they should have healthy boundaries in place as well.
> 
> I appreciate that both AC and I share the same boundaries, perhaps that is one of the foundational keys in our loving relationship.


Absolutely. I will be very wary and watching things like a hawk as they develop. 

This is all new ground for me. I fully expected and planned on sleeping with only one woman my entire life. It's all blowed up now! 🤣

I'd like to say that I'm going to do this and I'm gonna do that. 

I think that I will stick to the way I've always been. At the same time, what do I do if an opportunity drops in my lap? To be honest, I'm not 100% sure. I lived by a certain way for all of my life. Opportunities came and went. I sprinted away from them during the time I was with my exwife. I am a VERY loyal person to those that I care about. 

Now? I cannot say with 100% certainty that I would turn away an "opportunity" if it dropped in my lap. especially if said opportunity was a specific body type.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> One thing I noted was that women 30+ had lots of baggage, also many on dating sites at least had touch as their last love language so good luck with physical affection let alone sex.


This is hilarious coming from someone with a ton of their own baggage! 😂 

It's called living...


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Well, I didn't say the woman can't be attractive (to ME). No one wants to sleep with someone they aren't attracted to. I cringe at saying what I prefer on a woman here as I can only imagine the crap storm that would brew if I dared to say "I really do need "x" on a woman to find her attractive.". You'll have to trust me, It's not a massive requirement, but there are certain physical types that rev my engine, so to speak. I don't see myself deviating too much from the specifics that I require.
> yes, I know there is a little bit of a double standard here and the world is more forgiving if a woman lists what she desires in a man. 😂 This is ok with me and I understand that women are going to have their standards as well.
> As far as race goes..... um....... I'm a man. If I see the female form, well...... I'm interested. 😁


Haha I wonder which one you voted for - if you voted - on my fav body part thread 😅

Yeah you can see what happens to me as I freely admit I need X and Y 🤣 



TXTrini said:


> This is hilarious coming from someone with a ton of their own baggage! 😂
> 
> It's called living...


Well yeah lol

Still there was a big difference between my 26 yr old casual date and women 30+

Just saying


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Haha I wonder which one you voted for - if you voted - on my fav body part thread 😅
> 
> Yeah you can see what happens to me as I freely admit I need X and Y 🤣
> 
> 
> 
> Well yeah lol
> 
> Still there was a big difference between my 26 yr old casual date and women 30+
> 
> Just saying


Well duh! It's the same with men. I think it depends largely on personality and attitude, not really age. Some older folk never grow up and still have an immature (not youthful) vibe.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Haha I wonder which one you voted for - if you voted - on my fav body part thread 😅
> 
> Yeah you can see what happens to me as I freely admit I need X and Y 🤣
> 
> 
> 
> Well yeah lol
> 
> Still there was a big difference between my 26 yr old casual date and women 30+
> 
> Just saying


Oh. I voted.

my close friends here know my preferences.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Well duh! It's the same with men. I think it depends largely on personality and attitude, not really age. Some older folk never grow up and still have an immature (not youthful) vibe.


Guilty as charged. 🤪🤣


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Well duh! It's the same with men. I think it depends largely on personality and attitude, not really age. Some older folk never grow up and still have an immature (not youthful) vibe.


Not really, it's life experiences. When I mentioned baggage it was just what I found they carried into their dating life from past relationships not necessarily their personality or maturity level.



LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh. I voted.
> 
> my close friends here know my preferences.


I could be wrong but I bet you're a spanker!


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Not really, it's life experiences. When I mentioned baggage it was just what I found they carried into their dating life from past relationships not necessarily their personality or maturity level.


Here's the catch though... people with no baggage tend to want the same.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Here's the catch though... people with no baggage tend to want the same.


True, in my particular case many younger women want children and families of their own and I'm almost an empty nester. If I love someone sure like ex I wouldn't mind but I would honestly prefer someone who doesn't want kids but hey, I can't be choosy with this.

But that's not the baggage that concerns me really, it's more the triggers and stuff about their exs. I did the same thing by even having simple words trigger me so I can't blame them much. I processed those thoughts though, many haven't. Either way I'm not looking at the moment so just sharing what I found.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> True, in my particular case many younger women want children and families of their own and I'm almost an empty nester. If I love someone sure like ex I wouldn't mind but I would honestly prefer someone who doesn't want kids but hey, I can't be choosy with this.
> 
> But that's not the baggage that concerns me really, it's more the triggers and stuff about their exs. I did the same thing by even having simple words trigger me so I can't blame them much. I processed those thoughts though, many haven't. Either way I'm not looking at the moment so just sharing what I found.


I get that, but you compare your dates to your exes and you trigger. So it just comes across as a case of "monkey don't see their own tail" to me. 

Lots of women nowadays don't want children, that's not the huge deal-breaker it used to be, everyone assumes all women want children or get baby crazy at a certain age. Though you're right, the younger the woman, the more likely that is. 

From my observations, most people tend to connect with others at similar life stages with similar life experience.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> True, in my particular case many younger women want children and families of their own and I'm almost an empty nester. If I love someone sure like ex I wouldn't mind but I would honestly prefer someone who doesn't want kids but hey, I can't be choosy with this.
> 
> But that's not the baggage that concerns me really, it's more the triggers and stuff about their exs. I did the same thing by even having simple words trigger me so I can't blame them much. I processed those thoughts though, many haven't. Either way I'm not looking at the moment so just sharing what I found.


Just had my 43rd birthday last weekend. Age has come up in my mind if who is want to date. I’m thinking in the 35-45 range. I prefer being with women that are close to my age. I’m not interested in anyone really young. Doubtful I come across a woman that wants another baby, but I wouldn’t say no to it - but damn, it would have to be a very special woman for me to go through that again.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I get that, but you compare your dates to your exes and you trigger. So it just comes across as a case of "monkey don't see their own tail" to me.
> 
> Lots of women nowadays don't want children, that's not the huge deal-breaker it used to be, everyone assumes all women want children or get baby crazy at a certain age. Though you're right, the younger the woman, the more likely that is.
> 
> From my observations, most people tend to connect with others at similar life stages with similar life experience.





TXTrini said:


> I get that, but you compare your dates to your exes and you trigger. So it just comes across as a case of "monkey don't see their own tail" to me.
> 
> Lots of women nowadays don't want children, that's not the huge deal-breaker it used to be, everyone assumes all women want children or get baby crazy at a certain age. Though you're right, the younger the woman, the more likely that is.
> 
> From my observations, most people tend to connect with others at similar life stages with similar life experience.


Yeah exactly, thats another reason I dropped everything and removed all my dating apps. My entire approach was wrong, and I didn't realise until one of my last matches did an RD analysis on me and I was like... oh hell was I that bad? The way she made me feel wasn't very pleasant I'm surprised the dates put up with me as long as they did.

Also why I realised ms law student took control of our conversations and shut me down for any 'deep talks' so I wouldn't keep ruining our times together. Honestly she turned out to be the best out of the lot, and she was the most heavily judged by me. I focused so much on analysis and compatibility, so jaded and paranoid about the issues I had with my ex I forgot seeing if theres any real chemistry. I thought if I focused on compatibility, I would avoid falling for someone incompatible again. Just the wrong approach.

People deserve to be treated and judged as individuals not be judged based on someone else's past experience. The whole checklist approach is just wrong too. People should be valued for their own merits. So that's how I *want* to approach it (and expect to be treated) if I ever get back to dating. That's how I treated my ex when I first met her, didn't compare her, thats how it should be and got swept away.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Just had my 43rd birthday last weekend. Age has come up in my mind if who is want to date. I’m thinking in the 35-45 range. I prefer being with women that are close to my age. I’m not interested in anyone really young. Doubtful I come across a woman that wants another baby, but I wouldn’t say no to it - but damn, it would have to be a very special woman for me to go through that again.


Yeah I'm cautious too, like you can lose a partner but a kid is with you for life, and not all the time you can have decent co-parenting arrangements like I have with my ex-wife.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Yeah exactly, thats another reason I dropped everything and removed all my dating apps. My entire approach was wrong, and I didn't realise until one of my last matches did an RD analysis on me and I was like... oh hell was I that bad? The way she made me feel wasn't very pleasant I'm surprised the dates put up with me as long as they did.
> 
> Also why I realised ms law student took control of our conversations and shut me down for any 'deep talks' so I wouldn't keep ruining our times together. Honestly she turned out to be the best out of the lot, and she was the most heavily judged by me. I focused so much on analysis and compatibility, so jaded and paranoid about the issues I had with my ex I forgot seeing if theres any real chemistry. I thought if I focused on compatibility, I would avoid falling for someone incompatible again. Just the wrong approach.
> 
> People deserve to be treated and judged as individuals not be judged based on someone else's past experience. The whole checklist approach is just wrong too. People should be valued for their own merits. So that's how I *want* to approach it (and expect to be treated) if I ever get back to dating. That's how I treated my ex when I first met her, didn't compare her, thats how it should be and got swept away.


Hey, it wasn't all a waste, you learned an important lesson! Just try to remember that stuff when next you meet someone who perks your interest.


----------



## Not

Interesting experience over the last couple of days. I use FB dating alot. I’ll sign up with my usual pictures, always the same, add my little spiel, always different and stay on for a few days to see if anyone interesting pops up. I’m usually back off by day 3-5. I’ll do this about once a month.

This time I tried something new. I admit I felt like I was stirring the pot a bit by doing it but I WAS curious what the response would be and I wasn’t lying lol! This time I added a sentence that stated “If you were stuck in a sexless relationship, that won’t be a problem. I was stuck in one too. 👎”

Holy hell my phone was blowing up lol! I’m not sure what to make of it. Sex is a huge issue for me so that is a topic I address soon after beginning to talk to someone. I figured I would address it up front, out in the open this time. But the number of responses/likes about quadrupled I would guess which is great because I have more to choose from but not so sure this is a good thing. The chances of men taking that the wrong way is pretty high I’m guessing. Kind of want to try it again later but what’s going to be coming out of the woodwork? 😂😳


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Interesting experience over the last couple of days. I use FB dating alot. I’ll sign up with my usual pictures, always the same, add my little spiel, always different and stay on for a few days to see if anyone interesting pops up. I’m usually back off by day 3-5. I’ll do this about once a month.
> 
> This time I tried something new. I admit I felt like I was stirring the pot a bit by doing it but I WAS curious what the response would be and I wasn’t lying lol! This time I added a sentence that stated “If you were stuck in a sexless relationship, that won’t be a problem. I was stuck in one too. 👎”
> 
> Holy hell my phone was blowing up lol! I’m not sure what to make of it. Sex is a huge issue for me so that is a topic I address soon after beginning to talk to someone. I figured I would address it up front, out in the open this time. But the number of responses/likes about quadrupled I would guess which is great because I have more to choose from but not so sure this is a good thing. The chances of men taking that the wrong way is pretty high I’m guessing. Kind of want to try it again later but what’s going to be coming out of the woodwork? 😂😳


If I saw that, I’d say to myself this woman is DTF and you will be attracting the hit it and quit it types. But if you were looking to increase your number of guys to choose from, that would be the correct strategy. Sex sells, especially to men.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> If I saw that, I’d say to myself this woman is DTF and you will be attracting the hit it and quit it types. But if you were looking to increase your number of guys to choose from, that would be the correct strategy. Sex sells, especially to men.


Interesting. I had no set intentions. I was bored and curious. I‘ll have to try to word it a different way next time. Not a prude but not a hoe either.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Interesting. I had no set intentions. I was bored and curious. I‘ll have to try to word it a different way next time. Not a prude but not a hoe either.


From what I remember (it’s been two years) no one mentioned sex in their profiles. Well, I remember a few women that mentioned if that’s all you’re interested in, please sweep left (so I did on every one). However, I would bring it up early on to try and filter out the prudes as much as I could. It’s certainly an interesting strategy, but could attract non relationship material. I think it’s best to discuss sex after the initial online connection.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Hey, it wasn't all a waste, you learned an important lesson! Just try to remember that stuff when next you meet someone who perks your interest.


Strange, I cringed when you mentioned me meeting someone who perks my interest. Seems at the same time I'm over it and back to my shell now.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> From what I remember (it’s been two years) no one mentioned sex in their profiles. Well, I remember a few women that mentioned if that’s all you’re interested in, please sweep left (so I did on every one). However, I would bring it up early on to try and filter out the prudes as much as I could. It’s certainly an interesting strategy, but could attract non relationship material. I think it’s best to discuss sex after the initial online connection.


I’ve seen men’s profiles where sex is mentioned and they seem to always say one of two things. One, if you don’t enjoy sex keep moving or two, why can’t we talk about sex?

It’s funny that you say you would get the impression that I was DTF because I got a few messages that expressed the same thing but I only did the same thing the men are doing. I just put it out there that sex is OK. Almost feels like a double standard. Like men want and are looking for a sexual woman but if she expresses that same thing then she’s a hoe. 🤷‍♀️

Not taking a dig at you. The world is the way it is.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I’ve seen men’s profiles where sex is mentioned and they seem to always say one of two things. One, if you don’t enjoy sex keep moving or two, why can’t we talk about sex?
> 
> It’s funny that you say you would get the impression that I was DTF because I got a few messages that expressed the same thing but I only did the same thing the men are doing. I just put it out there that sex is OK. Almost feels like a double standard. Like men want and are looking for a sexual woman but if she expresses that same thing then she’s a hoe. 🤷‍♀️
> 
> Not taking a dig at you. The world is the way it is.


Not digs here at all. I have my own issues, I know. It’s all good.

I don’t know what men’s profiles say, but, as a man, I never mentioned the word sex in my profile (which reminds me, I’ll have to get working on another one).

It certainly is a double standard. It’s a delicate balance. I wouldn’t expect sex on the first date, but if there was chemistry, I would expect it to be withheld beyond date 3 or 4 either. Most men are clicking on the pictures, to be honest. So writing anything about sex in your profile is just going to get you more hits.

The genders are so different and we spend very little time trying to figure out the other gender for a successful LTR, which is why we end up positing on the singles thread. Lol


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Interesting. I had no set intentions. I was bored and curious. I‘ll have to try to word it a different way next time. Not a prude but not a hoe either.


It would get my attention. 

I would know the foundation of a relationship is taken care of if something were to happen. Now I'd be more interested in learning about the woman knowing that I don't have to worry about my #1 requirement.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I’ve seen men’s profiles where sex is mentioned and they seem to always say one of two things. One, if you don’t enjoy sex keep moving or two, why can’t we talk about sex?
> 
> It’s funny that you say you would get the impression that I was DTF because I got a few messages that expressed the same thing but I only did the same thing the men are doing. I just put it out there that sex is OK. Almost feels like a double standard. Like men want and are looking for a sexual woman but if she expresses that same thing then she’s a hoe. 🤷‍♀️
> 
> Not taking a dig at you. The world is the way it is.


There are many double standards. So what? Seriously, who cares or why does it matter?

No way in hell I can say what my body preferences are for women here. The feminists would all come out with their pitch forks and even the regular women would cringe. Then I would have to worry that the feminists would continually increase their ranks. That would be bad. I'll know when I meet women that I might want to date... and yes, I will remove some from thr dating pool if I don't see specific physical attributes (just like every other man on this planet whether he admits it or not). 

But a woman coming on here and saying she won't date a man unless he's 6ft tall and makes 6 figures? Totally cool. No one would bat an eye. 

Doesn't matter. Totally cool with me. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’ve seen men’s profiles where sex is mentioned and they seem to always say one of two things. One, if you don’t enjoy sex keep moving or two, why can’t we talk about sex?
> 
> It’s funny that you say you would get the impression that I was DTF because I got a few messages that expressed the same thing but I only did the same thing the men are doing. I just put it out there that sex is OK. Almost feels like a double standard. Like men want and are looking for a sexual woman but if she expresses that same thing then she’s a hoe. 🤷‍♀️
> 
> Not taking a dig at you. The world is the way it is.


I quite understand your frustration. I used the sex questionnaire on OK C upid to find a compatible person, cause sex is also pretty high up for me. Only matches could see that, but it does seem to produce the opposite effect to what you want. 

Either 
1) it turned some off because they didn't have to work for it
2) it intimidated men who think a direct woman is promiscuous and they might come up short (pun intended 😁)
3) brings put the freaks who think you're one of them

The funny thing is men who are turned off by a woman expressing her sexual expectations and make assumptions are probably going to find themselves right back with LD women. Honestly I don't think you're missing out on the ones who prejudge without taking the time to know you.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> There are many double standards. So what? Seriously, who cares or why does it matter?
> 
> No way in hell I can say what my body preferences are for women here. The feminists would all come out with their pitch forks and even the regular women would cringe. Then I would have to worry that the feminists would continually increase their ranks. That would be bad. I'll know when I meet women that I might want to date... and yes, I will remove some from thr dating pool if I don't see specific physical attributes (just like every other man on this planet whether he admits it or not).
> 
> But a woman coming on here and saying she won't date a man unless he's 6ft tall and makes 6 figures? Totally cool. No one would bat an eye.
> 
> Doesn't matter. Totally cool with me. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it.


I don't care about a man's personal physical preferences, but it gets downright disgusting when it crosses the line to objectification. It's a huge turnoff to me (and probably many other women) if all they're seem to be is tits, ass and vag.


----------



## TexasMom1216

TXTrini said:


> I don't care about a man's personal physical preferences, but it gets downright disgusting when it crosses the line to objectification. It's a huge turnoff to me (and probably many other women) if all they're seem to be is tits, ass and vag.


Nothing in the world wrong with preferences. I like big, muscular men. I don't like skinny guys. I just don't. Nothing against them, just not my cup of tea. But I also have some interest in what kind of person someone is, that matters too. The difference between reasonable preferences and objectifying women is a huge, enormous, obvious difference. A difference EVERYONE can see.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I don't care about a man's personal physical preferences, but it gets downright disgusting when it crosses the line to objectification. It's a huge turnoff to me (and probably many other women) if all they're seem to be is tits, ass and vag.


Of course. Trini, you know me plenty. 

Trust me when I say a man can feel the exact same way if all his worth is wrapped up in what he can bring home with his paycheck. It's the same objectification feeling... it's just that society doesn't care If men are objectified. 

As for women that express their sexual expectations, again, I think you know me pretty well by this point. I would much prefer a straight shooter. Tell me right away that sex is important. I'm definitely not looking down upon a woman that says sex is important. I'm encouraging it and I'm definitely not going to be scared away by it. That is exactly what I want! I want to live for a change of pace. I want to know exactly what it feels like to be in a relationship that isn't completely messed up with a mentally unstable woman.


----------



## PieceOfSky

@Not,

Seems to me there ought to be a way to phrase it that would weed out the ones you’d not be interested in (“taking it the wrong way”) yet still convey to others that the sexual aspects of a relationship are very important to you, and your clarity about that comes from (regrettable/painful) experience.

It’s a real and easy to understand position I think many might be in, but I think you’d have to address both parts directly to make it clear.

I’d guess those looking for easy, immediate NSA sex would look elsewhere if your words made clear that’s not what you’re interested in. And yet certain words would still resonate with those who have experienced the pain of a sex-starved marriage or otherwise prioritize a sexual connection.

ETA: removed note about anonymizing relationship reference. I clearly misread your post.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm curious why one wants to up the number of matches, don't women always have a line of matches? When ms law student showed me her bumble she had literally 1000+ or 5000+ likes and matches.

What would I think if I read that though? That you got out of a sexless marriage? I would see that as someone who wants sex and there's a need I can forfill. A lot of this dating people try to act tough and independent like they don't need anyone but if so what's the point of giving of myself to someone that doesn't have a void to fill?

I dont know if you'll get all the bad guys, can only just try. I wouldn't judge but that's just me, I married a woman who was an escort before I met her after all.


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> No way in hell I can say what my body preferences are for women here. The feminists would all come out with their pitch forks and even the regular women would cringe.


I don't share your view. I've stated my preferences a few times on TAM and nobody with a virtual pitchfork turned up at my door. Expressing body preferences is fine, IMO. I have preferences, but I remember when I was young, pre-wife, I dated girls of many different shapes. Body preferences are important, but they count nothing if they are not matched by some grey matter up there.


----------



## 342693

RebuildingMe said:


> I ended my two plus year LTR yesterday. She couldn’t stay away from male attention.


Don’t look back brother. She will regret it one day.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Of course. Trini, you know me plenty.
> 
> Trust me when I say a man can feel the exact same way if all his worth is wrapped up in what he can bring home with his paycheck. It's the same objectification feeling... it's just that society doesn't care If men are objectified.
> 
> As for women that express their sexual expectations, again, I think you know me pretty well by this point. I would much prefer a straight shooter. Tell me right away that sex is important. I'm definitely not looking down upon a woman that says sex is important. I'm encouraging it and I'm definitely not going to be scared away by it. That is exactly what I want! I want to live for a change of pace. I want to know exactly what it feels like to be in a relationship that isn't completely messed up with a mentally unstable woman.


Most people I've heard talking about what men should bring to the table with respect to paycheck are men who are worried about gold diggers. The few women I've heard talk about that aren't asking for anything they don't bring themselves. Honestly, I don't think it'll matter unless you go looking for a very young or more superficial woman.


----------



## Hiner112

LATERILUS79 said:


> All kids can smell sex. The moment it starts, thats when they have their "emergencies". 😂


My kids are teenagers and if they knew that I was having sex, they'd almost certainly go for a walk or something to get away from it. _Anything_ besides becoming involved or getting closer to it.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> There are many double standards. So what? Seriously, who cares or why does it matter?
> 
> No way in hell I can say what my body preferences are for women here. The feminists would all come out with their pitch forks and even the regular women would cringe. Then I would have to worry that the feminists would continually increase their ranks. That would be bad. I'll know when I meet women that I might want to date... and yes, I will remove some from thr dating pool if I don't see specific physical attributes (just like every other man on this planet whether he admits it or not).
> 
> But a woman coming on here and saying she won't date a man unless he's 6ft tall and makes 6 figures? Totally cool. No one would bat an eye.
> 
> Doesn't matter. Totally cool with me. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it.


I wasn’t thinking in terms of double standards when I started this topic here. It’s just something that came up while I was reading Rebuilding’s response. It’s just one facet of a complicated topic. I really don’t see a way to avoid the double standards honestly.

I’ve got my physical standards too. It’s one reason why I’m still single after almost a year. If all men were built equally I would have found someone by now. I’ll state in my profile that I’m not looking for perfection but I am looking for someone who’s taken care of themself. I would actually like to know what your body preferences are. I like getting peaks into mens minds.

The whole materialistic thing is pretty sad but I’m going to guess those are fairly easy to spot and avoid. Just like the hit it and quit it guys.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Most people I've heard talking about what men should bring to the table with respect to paycheck are men who are worried about gold diggers. The few women I've heard talk about that aren't asking for anything they don't bring themselves. Honestly, I don't think it'll matter unless you go looking for a very young or more superficial woman.


Many years ago a woman at a gym I went to had her friend from the gym ask if I was married. She had done her homework on me apparently except for that. She knew what college I went to (gym clothes) and what car I drove.

Apparently she was/is the CEO of some company out here and went to the same school. So I guess she was looking for education and some level of personal wealth probably to where the guy isn’t sponging off of her cash. That makes sense logically and is obviously not coming from a “gold digger” point of view, more like the reverse. She didn’t want the male version.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> It would get my attention.
> 
> I would know the foundation of a relationship is taken care of if something were to happen. Now I'd be more interested in learning about the woman knowing that I don't have to worry about my #1 requirement.


And that’s exactly where I’m going with it and is why I worded it the way I did. Been there and done that and don’t want it again.


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky said:


> @Not,
> 
> Seems to me there ought to be a way to phrase it that would weed out the ones you’d not be interested in (“taking it the wrong way”) yet still convey to others that the sexual aspects of a relationship are very important to you, and your clarity about that comes from (regrettable/painful) experience.
> 
> It’s a real and easy to understand position I think many might be in, but I think you’d have to address both parts directly to make it clear.
> 
> I’d guess those looking for easy, immediate NSA sex would look elsewhere if your words made clear that’s not what you’re interested in. And yet certain words would still resonate with those who have experienced the pain of a sex-starved marriage or otherwise prioritize a sexual connection.
> 
> ETA: removed note about anonymizing relationship reference. I clearly misread your post.


I did address both parts, in a way. On FB dating you can choose questions and post your answers. Everyone can see the question and answer. I chose one where I had to finish a sentence which was “Let’s make sure we’re on the same page about…..” and my response was “Nudes. Don’t ask but feel free to send yours and I promise to keep it to myself.” I figured that would set a sort of balance to my profile. Send a message that while I am a sexual person I still have standards and I do think many of the men “got it”.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I'm curious why one wants to up the number of matches, don't women always have a line of matches? When ms law student showed me her bumble she had literally 1000+ or 5000+ likes and matches.
> 
> What would I think if I read that though? That you got out of a sexless marriage? I would see that as someone who wants sex and there's a need I can forfill. A lot of this dating people try to act tough and independent like they don't need anyone but if so what's the point of giving of myself to someone that doesn't have a void to fill?
> 
> I dont know if you'll get all the bad guys, can only just try. I wouldn't judge but that's just me, I married a woman who was an escort before I met her after all.


Oh I wasn’t aiming to up the number of responses, I was more curious what the responses would be. The fact that it was a huge success as far as number of men responding was totally unexpected.

One guy I responded to had to tell me all about his sexual adventures, stuff I would never be into. Bringing third parties into the bedroom mostly. So it was nice in that he opened up where as maybe he wouldn’t have otherwise and that gave me the information I needed to know if he was someone I would want to get to know. And there wasn’t a couple of weeks wasted. He had a nice profile too and would have been someone I would talk too.


----------



## RebuildingMe

You’d think it would be easy to find two people that:
-like a lot of sex
-are honest
-make about the same amount of money
-take care of themselves physically to a degree (aren’t 40 pounds overweight)

I find it incredibly hard, however. Thought I might have found it in the last one but she came up short. It certainly is frustrating. I don’t have a list a mile long.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I did address both parts, in a way. On FB dating you can choose questions and post your answers. Everyone can see the question and answer. I chose one where I had to finish a sentence which was “Let’s make sure we’re on the same page about…..” and my response was “Nudes. Don’t ask but feel free to send yours and I promise to keep it to myself.” I figured that would set a sort of balance to my profile. Send a message that while I am a sexual person I still have standards and I do think many of the men “got it”.


How many D pics have you gotten already, lol.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> How many D pics have you gotten already, lol.


 None, dammit lol! j/k 😁 The account is already shut down.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> You’d think it would be easy to find two people that:
> -like a lot of sex
> -are honest
> -make about the same amount of money
> -take care of themselves physically to a degree (aren’t 40 pounds overweight)
> 
> I find it incredibly hard, however. Thought I might have found it in the last one but she came up short. It certainly is frustrating. I don’t have a list a mile long.


Sadly, and this is just my experience, the most difficult to find has been the honest part. The Texas guy I was talking to recently said he didn’t want to talk about his last relationship. That begs the question, why not? Life is basically the same for all of us and we’ve all had failed relationships sooooo….Talk about making it obvious that there’s a serious issue right there.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> How many D pics have you gotten already, lol.


Hey, it weeds out ugly ones 😂


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Hey, it weeds out ugly ones 😂


I do like to see what’s under the hood but not that soon lol!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Hey, it weeds out ugly ones 😂


You already have a unique skill of crushing men. I can only imagine what you would say to a man that had an ugly D. 🤣 Pretty sure he would want to crawl in a hole and die!


----------



## PieceOfSky

Not said:


> .
> .
> .
> “Nudes. Don’t ask but feel free to send yours and I promise to keep it to myself.” I figured that would set a sort of balance to my profile. Send a message that while I am a sexual person I still have standards and I do think many of the men “got it”.


I haven’t dated since the early 90s, (or ever, by most standards) and was very naive about how people behaved sexually. And so many years into a destructively sex starved marriage, my perspective is probably useless as hell… so, consider this with a grain of salt…

I wouldn’t be surprised if those particular words were “taken the wrong way” by many, with a dose of wishful thinking. Sort of, “show me yours, and maybe I’ll reciprocate or seek to meet [it] IRL”. Dunno.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Hey, it weeds out ugly ones 😂


What makes for an ugly one?


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> What makes for an ugly one?


Don’t know. All I know is that mine is lovely. 🤣


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> You already have a unique skill of crushing men. I can only imagine what you would say to a man that had an ugly D. 🤣 Pretty sure he would want to crawl in a hole and die!


I don't mean to! I wouldn't tell a man I didn't find his little friend super attractive, that's unnecessary. 



RebuildingMe said:


> What makes for an ugly one?


It's subjective, so can't answer that in general. Let's just say it's like Goldilocks hunting for the perfect bed , you know when it's just right.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Don’t know. All I know is that mine is lovely. 🤣


That's what all proud mama's of ugly kids say 😂 

(You know I'm just messing with you, right)


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> That's what all proud mama's of ugly kids say 😂
> 
> (You know I'm just messing with you, right)


Well, I’m much more grossed out that you think my mamma would tell me that my D is lovely.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> It's subjective, so can't answer that in general. Let's just say it's like Goldilocks hunting for the perfect bed , you know when it's just right.


Oh boy, so it has to have length, girth and also be as pretty as a rainbow?


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I don't mean to! I wouldn't tell a man I didn't find his little friend super attractive, that's unnecessary.


You might not mean to, but God thought it necessary to arm you with the ability to knock down even the most confident of men into a crying blubbering mess. 🤣


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Oh boy, so it has to have length, girth and also be as pretty as a rainbow?


You forgot the energizer bunny part. 😉


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> What makes for an ugly one?


I guess I’ve been lucky and haven’t seen an ugly one yet. Kind of makes me nervous with the wondering now. 😳


----------



## TXTrini

Damn, I didn't mean to give anyone a complex, just having a little fun. I'm quite intrigued by the responses, cause I've seen some dudes say quite unflattering things about the state of women's bits, especially women they judge as promiscuous.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> You forgot the energizer bunny part. 😉


No lie, I did consider dating younger men for this part. However, I'm happy to say quality definitely trumps quantity... especially if said quantity may be of the minute variety.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I guess I’ve been lucky and haven’t seen an ugly one yet. Kind of makes me nervous with the wondering now. 😳


Don’t worry, you’ll be getting hundreds of pics soon, lol


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> No lie, I did consider dating younger men for this part. However, I'm happy to say quality definitely trumps quantity... especially if said quantity may be of the minute variety.


Me too to the younger guys. And you never know what you’re going to get either as far as quality goes. Tank was a beast, super great sex but sex wasn’t very often. Actually, once every other week and only on Sunday evenings. Wasn’t into quickies and a few other things but when it did happen it was good.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Damn, I didn't mean to give anyone a complex, just having a little fun. I'm quite intrigued by the responses, cause I've seen some dudes say quite unflattering things about the state of women's bits, especially women they judge as promiscuous.


Come on TX, you know how obsessed we are about our little friend 😂


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Don’t worry, you’ll be getting hundreds of pics soon, lol


Well I do plan on trying that sex spin again. I’ll report back. I just ordered a full frontally nude guy calendar to hang in my garage, may not need it now lol!


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Come on TX, you know how obsessed we are about our little friend 😂


You boys and your toys...


----------



## Not

I will say at least us women don’t have to worry about running into something like this. And there are lots of them out there.









#makeup #mua #makeuplooks | Kiersten Banghart | Kiersten Banghart · မူရင်းအသံ


ကြည်ရှုမှု ၅.၂သောင်း ကြိမ်၊ နှစ်သက်မှု ၉၆၁ ခု၊ မှတ်ချက် ၅၀ ခု၊ မျှဝေမှု ၁၃ ကြိမ်၊ Kiersten Banghart ထံမှ Facebook Reels ဗီဒီယို: #makeup #mua #makeuplooks. Kiersten Banghart · မူရင်းအသံ




www.facebook.com


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> You forgot the energizer bunny part. 😉


That has never been a problem for me. Especially when I'm keeping my fitness up and working out all the time. The physical exertion it took to perform the special kind of upside-down starfish sex that I got from my exwife would most likely impress anyone. Regular, actual fun sex? Damn. I'm not going to get worn out at all.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I will say at least us women don’t have to worry about running into something like this. And there are lots of them out there.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> #makeup #mua #makeuplooks | Kiersten Banghart | Kiersten Banghart · မူရင်းအသံ
> 
> 
> ကြည်ရှုမှု ၅.၂သောင်း ကြိမ်၊ နှစ်သက်မှု ၉၆၁ ခု၊ မှတ်ချက် ၅၀ ခု၊ မျှဝေမှု ၁၃ ကြိမ်၊ Kiersten Banghart ထံမှ Facebook Reels ဗီဒီယို: #makeup #mua #makeuplooks. Kiersten Banghart · မူရင်းအသံ
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.facebook.com


Couldn’t imagine being drunk then waking up to that in the AM.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> That has never been a problem for me. Especially when I'm keeping my fitness up and working out all the time. The physical exertion it took to perform the special kind of upside-down starfish sex that I got from my exwife would most likely impress anyone. Regular, actual fun sex? Damn. I'm not going to get worn out at all.


“Upside starfish sex”. I’m going to check for that one in my Kama Sutra book.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> “Upside starfish sex”. I’m going to check for that one in my Kama Sutra book.


I need to update my thread... but even explaining exactly what that is and then her reading the explanation? Yeah, that could reign down some holy hell on me. I may have to just PM that to you. 

Trust me, it ain't all that much fun, but it is a hell of a workout.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I will offer a perspective on ugly D. I know one guy who admitted he had a flaw with his D, a friend of mine in college. He would complain that it was really curved. He complained about it occasionally but then he would say that his girlfriend wasn’t complaining. That said, he brought it up at least 5-6 times that his D was really curved.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> I need to update my thread... but even explaining exactly what that is and then her reading the explanation? Yeah, that could reign down some holy hell on me. I may have to just PM that to you.
> 
> Trust me, it ain't all that much fun, but it is a hell of a workout.


She’s still checking you out on here? Did she ever post? Good grief. PM me


----------



## RebuildingMe

ccpowerslave said:


> I will offer a perspective on ugly D. I know one guy who admitted he had a flaw with his D, a friend of mine in college. He would complain that it was really curved. He complained about it occasionally but then he would say that his girlfriend wasn’t complaining. That said, he brought it up at least 5-6 times that his D was really curved.


I think that’s an actual medical condition and I heard it can hurt.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RebuildingMe said:


> I think that’s an actual medical condition and I heard it can hurt.


Yeah it’s called Peyronie's disease he probably had it. Thankfully I never had to witness it only hear about it secondhand.


----------



## RebuildingMe

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah it’s called Peyronie's disease he probably had it. Thankfully I never had to witness it only hear about it secondhand.


I’d be more concerned over the pain than how ugly it looked. Maybe if he started masturbating in the other direction he could straighten it out?


----------



## Not

ccpowerslave said:


> I will offer a perspective on ugly D. I know one guy who admitted he had a flaw with his D, a friend of mine in college. He would complain that it was really curved. He complained about it occasionally but then he would say that his girlfriend wasn’t complaining. That said, he brought it up at least 5-6 times that his D was really curved.


Ummm, if the curve is northward facing that’s actually a really good thing lol! Ok, maybe TMI but it’s true lol!


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> I need to update my thread... but even explaining exactly what that is and then her reading the explanation? Yeah, that could reign down some holy hell on me. I may have to just PM that to you.
> 
> Trust me, it ain't all that much fun, but it is a hell of a workout.


Starfish and hell of a work out do not compute.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Not said:


> Ummm, if the curve is northward facing that’s actually a really good thing lol! Ok, maybe TMI but it’s true lol!


Yeah it was, which is why he said his girlfriend didn’t seem to mind but it bothered him.


----------



## jlg07

ccpowerslave said:


> I will offer a perspective on ugly D. I know one guy who admitted he had a flaw with his D, a friend of mine in college. He would complain that it was really curved. He complained about it occasionally but then he would say that his girlfriend wasn’t complaining. That said, he brought it up at least 5-6 times that his D was really curved.


So have you seen the commercial on TV that "fixes" this -- some kind of injection. The site is something like bent carrot dot com. BUT the side effects!!!! HOLY COW who would try this unless it was bent 180 degrees!!


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> Thanks! Ha, it's great, but replaced by a different kind of pressure.
> 
> Ruh oh! Pogo sounds like he doesn't know what he wants! Do you think you can deal with that kind of uncertainty again?
> 
> Btw, you don't wanna know what his nickname conjures an image of in my head 🤣 😂 😆


I told Pogo that this was his last chance at potential happiness with me and this time, I'm sticking to it. But I'm going to admit that because of everything that's happened between him and me, I don't feel the same way about him. I don't see him through the same rose colored glasses that I used to. Whereas before I was willing to accept what he offered without question, now if I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship, I'm like "see ya". 

Yes, he's by far the best overall man I have met since my divorce but I won't die on the vine without him. I can get my needs met, albeit from several different sources. I'm done with the uncertainty and I think he realizes that. 


What do you envision when you hear Pogo?


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> I told Pogo that this was his last chance at potential happiness with me and this time, I'm sticking to it. But I'm going to admit that because of everything that's happened between him and me, I don't feel the same way about him. I don't see him through the same rose colored glasses that I used to. Whereas before I was willing to accept what he offered without question, now if I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship, I'm like "see ya".
> 
> Yes, he's by far the best overall man I have met since my divorce but I won't die on the vine without him. I can get my needs met, albeit from several different sources. I'm done with the uncertainty and I think he realizes that.
> 
> 
> What do you envision when you hear Pogo?


Can I answer this question with a potential hurtful/unpopular opinion?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Can I answer this question with a potential hurtful/unpopular opinion?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Sure. Go ahead


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> You forgot the energizer bunny part. 😉


Back when I did online dating, I referred to that as "having good cardio". 😂


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Sure. Go ahead


Based on the scenario, my initial thought is you are a place holder unless/until something better comes along.

What makes this worse is that it probably echoes concerns/insecurities you already have, and it is entirely possible I am wrong...so take it for what it cost you. 

For the men that I know, when they find what they know they want, there isn't any doubt, lingering or otherwise. 

For your sake, I hope I am wrong, because you deserve better. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Based on the scenario, my initial thought is you are a place holder unless/until something better comes along.
> 
> What makes this worse is that it probably echoes concerns/insecurities you already have, and it is entirely possible I am wrong...so take it for what it cost you.
> 
> For the men that I know, when they find what they know they want, there isn't any doubt, lingering or otherwise.
> 
> For your sake, I hope I am wrong, because you deserve better.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


That is certainly possible and I recognize it as so. But in my defense, in this modern age of dating where there's always someone better one swipe away (I don't do online dating but everyone else does) and considering my age (and not interested in dating much younger or very older), I am a placeholder to just about every man I meet. I just cannot compete so I settle for the best of what's available to me, aka Pogo. 

But to your last point, @farsidejunky I really appreciate you saying that I deserve better but you and I both know there is no correlation between deserving and getting.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I told Pogo that this was his last chance at potential happiness with me and this time, I'm sticking to it. But I'm going to admit that because of everything that's happened between him and me, I don't feel the same way about him. I don't see him through the same rose colored glasses that I used to. Whereas before I was willing to accept what he offered without question, now if I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship, I'm like "see ya".
> 
> Yes, he's by far the best overall man I have met since my divorce but I won't die on the vine without him. I can get my needs met, albeit from several different sources. I'm done with the uncertainty and I think he realizes that.
> 
> 
> What do you envision when you hear Pogo?


I have to agree with @farsidejunky . I think you'd be compromising too much of yourself to be with him in any capacity. But... I get it, life is not kind to women 40+ starting over. Even so, is it your location? I met a bunch of douches in the city in my very short stint of OLD; country boy and I have gotten really great, and we're contemplating what life looks like in the future. I seem to recall you were in a large metropolitan city., maybe a change of scenery might be good and expand your options?

Pogo makes me think he was a ****boi, only good for one thing. Sounds like I wasn't far off the mark.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I have to agree with @farsidejunky . I think you'd be compromising too much of yourself to be with him in any capacity. But... I get it, life is not kind to women 40+ starting over. Even so, is it your location? I met a bunch of douches in the city in my very short stint of OLD; country boy and I have gotten really great, and we're contemplating what life looks like in the future. I seem to recall you were in a large metropolitan city., maybe a change of scenery might be good and expand your options?
> 
> Pogo makes me think he was a ****boi, only good for one thing. Sounds like I wasn't far off the mark.


Interesting. 

I am 43 so 40+ is my age range as far as I am concerned.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> That is certainly possible and I recognize it as so. But in my defense, in this modern age of dating where there's always someone better one swipe away (I don't do online dating but everyone else does) and considering my age (and not interested in dating much younger or very older), I am a placeholder to just about every man I meet. I just cannot compete so I settle for the best of what's available to me, aka Pogo.
> 
> But to your last point, @farsidejunky I really appreciate you saying that I deserve better but you and I both know there is no correlation between deserving and getting.


There are certainly a LOT of people like that, but not everyone wants that empty lifestyle. Trust me, I know there's no correlation before deserving and getting, but sometimes you have to choose not to play if the players all suck ass. I understand better why my mom opted out entirely after her divorce, she simply didn't meet men she'd consider for any kind of relationship, they were mostly married men looking for a sidepiece or looking for a mommy.

Honestly, if my relationship with my bf doesn't end up working out, I'll simply stay single unless I meet someone worth my time. I think it's a complete waste of time to invest in people who will never invest in me.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I am 43 so 40+ is my age range as far as I am concerned.


That's you. Think of how many men who've passed through here who got the advice to always date younger and hotter IF they have enough hair, looks or resources to pull it off.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> That's you. Think of how many men who've passed through here who got the advice to always date younger and hotter IF they have enough hair, looks or resources to pull it off.


If they have enough hair?! lol. I've never even thought of that.

Priorities I guess. I'm not interested in having a "trophy" hang off my arm. 

I want a woman that desires me. I haven't exactly had that in my life before. Also, if you haven't heard, I like sex...... A LOT. I want it a lot. If I meet a cool gal that is 40+ and we get along and she wants sex all the time and desires me, well, I'll be happier than a pig in sh1t.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> If they have enough hair?! lol. I've never even thought of that.
> 
> Priorities I guess. I'm not interested in having a "trophy" hang off my arm.
> 
> I want a woman that desires me. I haven't exactly had that in my life before. Also, if you haven't heard, I like sex...... A LOT. I want it a lot. If I meet a cool gal that is 40+ and we get along and she wants sex all the time and desires me, well, I'll be happier than a pig in sh1t.


Well, unless you're swiping paper, most younger women ain't looking for Waldo.

Though, it could be a preference for some women (I like hair) like men have various body type preferences. Personality is great and all, but people are just lying to sound good is they're going to preach that attraction has no influence whatsoever on who you want to get to know better.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Well, unless you're swiping paper, most younger women ain't looking for Waldo.


No idea what this means, but it sounds like it might be funny. 😂


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> No idea what this means, but it sounds like it might be funny. 😂


Waldo rhymes with baldo. I'm trying to amuse myself, it's been a rough week, and it's barely hump day yet. I can't even giggle about an entire day being dedicated to humping (Yes I know what's it's _supposed_ to mean)


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> There are certainly a LOT of people like that, but not everyone wants that empty lifestyle. Trust me, I know there's no correlation before deserving and getting, but sometimes you have to choose not to play if the players all suck ass. I understand better why my mom opted out entirely after her divorce, she simply didn't meet men she'd consider for any kind of relationship, they were mostly married men looking for a sidepiece or looking for a mommy.
> 
> Honestly, if my relationship with my bf doesn't end up working out, I'll simply stay single unless I meet someone worth my time. I think it's a complete waste of time to invest in people who will never invest in me.


You're right. Sometimes it is better to quit than to settle for suckery, if that's all that's available. I just have one teeny tiny problem. I can be single but I cannot give up intimacy and affection - not to be confused with sex. It is a need for me. 🤷‍♀️ 

Coincidentally, my quitting dating was how I ended up with Pogo. My crazy ass luck.



TXTrini said:


> I have to agree with @farsidejunky . I think you'd be compromising too much of yourself to be with him in any capacity. But... I get it, life is not kind to women 40+ starting over. Even so, is it your location? I met a bunch of douches in the city in my very short stint of OLD; country boy and I have gotten really great, and we're contemplating what life looks like in the future. I seem to recall you were in a large metropolitan city., maybe a change of scenery might be good and expand your options?
> 
> Pogo makes me think he was a ****boi, only good for one thing. Sounds like I wasn't far off the mark.


My city is awful for single women in general. One of the few where women out number men. There is also a lot of age gap dating for money (aka sex work under the guise of sugar daddy/sugar mommy relationships). 

I have less than 2 years left for my son to graduate from HS. I'll be moving from here the minute he's out of the house. Looking at Colorado or South Carolina. Until then, I need to suck it up.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> You're right. Sometimes it is better to quit than to settle for suckery, if that's all that's available. I just have one teeny tiny problem. I can be single but I cannot give up intimacy and affection - not to be confused with sex. It is a need for me. 🤷‍♀️
> 
> Coincidentally, my quitting dating was how I ended up with Pogo. My crazy ass luck.
> 
> My city is awful for single women in general. One of the few where women out number men. There is also a lot of age gap dating for money (aka sex work under the guise of sugar daddy/sugar mommy relationships).
> 
> I have less than 2 years left for my son to graduate from HS. I'll be moving from here the minute he's out of the house. Looking at Colorado or South Carolina. Until then, I need to suck it up.


I think moving is a great idea, has your son indicated his interest in any particular college? I definitely got a different class of men when I moved out of the city. Not that there aren't any assholes out here, but people are just more genuine, less self-absorbed. 

I'm sometimes convinced luck and opportunity really determine a lot in life no matter how hard you try to make the best choices. How do you know you've made a good choice, except in hindsight? I'm not saying some people don't; the obvious ones do (picking criminals, addicts, golddiggers, etc). 

There are so many people chasing rainbows and butterflies, who willfully mislead people who want something real and DGAF what it costs, once they're not paying the piper. It made me wonder if people just never take the time to understand who they are or what they want out of life and have no bloody compunction wasting other people's lives. 

Now that I'm older and more cynical, I see the appeal of living together like the Golden Girls precisely to have the intimacy and affection you describe. I tell my bf if we don't work out in the long-term, I'm gonna do that with some friends and outsource the goodies when the mood strikes 😂 , maybe kill a few old farts in the retirement community.

Sorry about the pontificating, I'm in a morose kind of mood today. I hope all of us singles find the happiness we looking for, whatever that ends up being.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Well, unless you're swiping paper, most younger women ain't looking for Waldo.


I think that’s true including the swiping paper. I am known to sometimes have cheddar and interest has gone from zero to “oh”. 

One famous time a barista at a Starbucks I used to go to was pretty hot and she never said a word to me in maybe a year. I happened to walk in one day wearing a Rolex 116718 yellow gold GMT. She called my name for coffee and I grabbed it with my left hand. She said, “Oh nice watch!” I don’t remember exactly what I said back to her but we talked for maybe 2 minutes. After that she never said a word to me again.

Could it be the hot coffee lady liked me for me? I think yes.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't know how you guys can keep dating after a while. After I stopped and removed all my apps the thought of going through all the trouble again just makes my head spin.

Already in a relationship you run out of places to take her or activities to try, even in the big city but now starting over? All the dates I had I always felt a sense of CBF anymore. Also why I'm sticking to organically too, because I'm probably going to need to at least be crushing on someone bad to be motivated to date again.

What would be ideal is romance without dating, but such things only happen at work (risky) or with activities, but I have no interest in group activities.


----------



## 2&out

farsidejunky said:


> Based on the scenario, my initial thought is you are a place holder unless/until something better comes along.
> 
> What makes this worse is that it probably echoes concerns/insecurities you already have, and it is entirely possible I am wrong...so take it for what it cost you.
> 
> For the men that I know, when they find what they know they want, there isn't any doubt, lingering or otherwise.
> 
> For your sake, I hope I am wrong, because you deserve better.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Looks to me like their both doing that - place holders to each other. Looks to me like the "Something is better than nothing" scenario and not what either really want


----------



## Not

If by the time retirement comes around and I haven’t met anyone my sister and I have a plan. We are going to be spinsters together lol! Of course we have to wait for her husband, who she loves dearly, to kick the bucket but I’m OK with that lol! I’ll wait for her lol!

I’m not holding my breath on this whole dating thing and it’s not because I’m 50, it’s just a people thing. I know there are good ones out there though because I am a good one and I’m convinced they are doing the same thing I’m doing and that is not settling. We just need to cross paths.


----------



## In Absentia

I'll be looking at the very wealthy 90+ age range.


----------



## Laurentium

RandomDude said:


> I don't know how you guys can keep dating after a while. After I stopped and removed all my apps the thought of going through all the trouble again just makes my head spin.


Yeah, me too, it's so much time and expense and effort. I have other things to do.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> I don't know how you guys can keep dating after a while. After I stopped and removed all my apps the thought of going through all the trouble again just makes my head spin.
> 
> Already in a relationship you run out of places to take her or activities to try, even in the big city but now starting over? All the dates I had I always felt a sense of CBF anymore. Also why I'm sticking to organically too, because I'm probably going to need to at least be crushing on someone bad to be motivated to date again.
> 
> What would be ideal is romance without dating, but such things only happen at work (risky) or with activities, but I have no interest in group activities.


I have no time right now, but I will eventually… because sex.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> I have no time right now, but I will eventually… because sex.


 Fair enough

Guess for me I just have to wait for someone to jump start my engine again like months ago



Laurentium said:


> Yeah, me too, it's so much time and expense and effort. I have other things to do.


Boring too!


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Fair enough
> 
> Guess for me I just have to wait for someone to jump start my engine again like months ago


Doesn't take much to jump start my engine.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> I think moving is a great idea, has your son indicated his interest in any particular college? I definitely got a different class of men when I moved out of the city. Not that there aren't any assholes out here, but people are just more genuine, less self-absorbed.


We haven't started visiting colleges as of yet but I'm hoping he'll decide (and get admitted) into a state school. If he keeps up his grades, he'll be eligible for several state scholarships; enough to pay for most if not all of his undergraduate degree. 

I will come out and say that I live in one of the more affluent suburbs outside of Atlanta. Most of the people who live in my area are white collar professionals ($$$). Unfortunately, I do not attract white collar professionals, although I am one. 

My pool is blue collar men, typically living in more rural suburbs. It isn't a problem for me as long as they are intelligent (not to be confused with book smart), our values match, and accepting of me wholly. The last one is where I run into issues. I am not a rural kind of woman. I am open to new experiences but I am a city girl through and through. Fishing? 
I'm in!!! Horses? ATVs? Hunting? Uhm, I'll just sit over there and hold your stuff 😂. 



> I'm sometimes convinced luck and opportunity really determine a lot in life no matter how hard you try to make the best choices. How do you know you've made a good choice, except in hindsight? I'm not saying some people don't; the obvious ones do (picking criminals, addicts, golddiggers, etc).
> 
> There are so many people chasing rainbows and butterflies, who willfully mislead people who want something real and DGAF what it costs, once they're not paying the piper. It made me wonder if people just never take the time to understand who they are or what they want out of life and have no bloody compunction wasting other people's lives.
> 
> Now that I'm older and more cynical, I see the appeal of living together like the Golden Girls precisely to have the intimacy and affection you describe. I tell my bf if we don't work out in the long-term, I'm gonna do that with some friends and outsource the goodies when the mood strikes 😂 , maybe kill a few old farts in the retirement community.
> 
> Sorry about the pontificating, I'm in a morose kind of mood today. I hope all of us singles find the happiness we looking for, whatever that ends up being.


I love the pontificating. I share your thoughts, specifically about chasing rainbows and butterflies. I have accepted that some people are happier chasing the unattainable. They live for tomorrow versus living in the now. More power to them. 

Count me in for the retirement home adventures. We may become the harbingers of death for some of the old farts but at least they'll look forward to going 😂😂😜.


----------



## Not

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, me too, it's so much time and expense and effort. I have other things to do.


I got tired of it being like that so I try to keep it as simple as possible now. For a first meet I no longer agree to dinner or big excursions. Just meet for coffee or an ice cream and chat. Chances are there won't be a second meet.


----------



## Laurentium

Not said:


> I got tired of it being like that so I try to keep it as simple as possible now. For a first meet I no longer agree to dinner or big excursions. Just meet for coffee or an ice cream and chat. Chances are there won't be a second meet.


Oh yeah, I always did coffee in a public place as a first meet.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> We haven't started visiting colleges as of yet but I'm hoping he'll decide (and get admitted) into a state school. If he keeps up his grades, he'll be eligible for several state scholarships; enough to pay for most if not all of his undergraduate degree.
> 
> I will come out and say that I live in one of the more affluent suburbs outside of Atlanta. Most of the people who live in my area are white collar professionals ($$$). Unfortunately, I do not attract white collar professionals, although I am one.
> 
> My pool is blue collar men, typically living in more rural suburbs. It isn't a problem for me as long as they are intelligent (not to be confused with book smart), our values match, and accepting of me wholly. The last one is where I run into issues. I am not a rural kind of woman. I am open to new experiences but I am a city girl through and through. Fishing?
> I'm in!!! Horses? ATVs? Hunting? Uhm, I'll just sit over there and hold your stuff 😂.
> 
> 
> 
> I love the pontificating. I share your thoughts, specifically about chasing rainbows and butterflies. I have accepted that some people are happier chasing the unattainable. They live for tomorrow versus living in the now. More power to them.
> 
> Count me in for the retirement home adventures. We may become the harbingers of death for some of the old farts but at least they'll look forward to going 😂😂😜.


Lila,

I am a white collar professional (engineer). What I can say is this: I work with BRILLIANT blue collar workers. If you want a straight shooting smart man, I'd say look for a skilled laborer. It was one of the first things I noticed when I got into my industry. All the engineers flock to the best mechanics. The guys that just know how to get the factory up and running as quickly as possible. The problem solvers. These guys are brilliant and very clever. It really opened my eyes in my 20's. A lot of these guys would have done better than me in school if they cared about doing school type work, but they preferred working with their hands. 

My point is this: I think there are A LOT of very intelligent blue collar workers out there. I personally wouldn't worry that there are only a few. I think there are very many.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I got tired of it being like that so I try to keep it as simple as possible now. For a first meet I no longer agree to dinner or big excursions. Just meet for coffee or an ice cream and chat. Chances are there won't be a second meet.





Laurentium said:


> Oh yeah, I always did coffee in a public place as a first meet.


good points. I didn't think of this. I'm not into wasting time or money. This sounds like a good compromise.

You see?! You all are gonna teach me so much! 😁


----------



## In Absentia

Definitely going for a coffee as first encounter... before they are dead!


----------



## Not

I've even gotten to the point where I see the whole dinner thing as something I'm not interested in unless there have been at least a few coffee type dates first, lots of phone calls and I've established that the man is interesting and I look forward to hearing him talk. I can't do surface level stuff anymore. I'm impatient now and don't want to get stuck with someone I barely know over a dinner or other outing where I realize shortly after it's started that it's going to suck. I won't put myself through that.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Lila,
> 
> I am a white collar professional (engineer). What I can say is this: I work with BRILLIANT blue collar workers. If you want a straight shooting smart man, I'd say look for a skilled laborer. It was one of the first things I noticed when I got into my industry. All the engineers flock to the best mechanics. The guys that just know how to get the factory up and running as quickly as possible. The problem solvers. These guys are brilliant and very clever. It really opened my eyes in my 20's. A lot of these guys would have done better than me in school if they cared about doing school type work, but they preferred working with their hands.
> 
> My point is this: I think there are A LOT of very intelligent blue collar workers out there. I personally wouldn't worry that there are only a few. I think there are very many.


I might have not explained it properly on my post but I ONLY date blue collar men. Like I said, as long as they are intelligent, share my values, and accept me wholly, all is good with me. It's still weeding through the haystack to find the needle.


----------



## leftfield

I don't know how you guys can do this. Meeting someone for coffee or an ice cream sounds about as fun as cutting my toe nails. Anyways, wish all of you the best in your searching.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I've even gotten to the point where I see the whole dinner thing as something I'm not interested in unless there have been at least a few coffee type dates first, lots of phone calls and I've established that the man is interesting and I look forward to hearing him talk. I can't do surface level stuff anymore. I'm impatient now and don't want to get stuck with someone I barely know over a dinner or other outing where I realize shortly after it's started that it's going to suck. I won't put myself through that.


Damn. I haven't even been on a date yet and I'm already impatient! 🤣


----------



## Not

leftfield said:


> I don't know how you guys can do this. Meeting someone for coffee or an ice cream sounds about as fun as cutting my toe nails. Anyways, wish all of you the best in your searching.


Well that's the thing, you need to meet to find out if they're someone you want to have fun with lol!


----------



## leftfield

Not said:


> Well that's the thing, you need to meet to find out if they're someone you want to have fun with lol!


I suppose that is one way of doing it. Many moons ago when I was dating, I would just plan something fun and invite someone. If they didn't enjoy it; that was there problem. 

To be honest there is no way, no how I would ever really like dating. I'm glad that I'm not there. Hope things go well for you.


----------



## 2&out

leftfield said:


> I don't know how you guys can do this. Meeting someone for coffee or an ice cream sounds about as fun as cutting my toe nails. Anyways, wish all of you the best in your searching.


 I agree with you. I plan to meet at, for an event of some sort. They are free to leave any time they want.


----------



## In Absentia

I have decided that, at almost 60, I'm too old for actively dating other people. If I meet someone by chance, fine, but I won't be on any online dating website or apps. Time to look after number one.


----------



## LisaDiane

In Absentia said:


> I have decided that, at almost 60, I'm too old for actively dating other people. If I meet someone by chance, fine, but I won't be on any online dating website or apps. Time to look after number one.


Well, for alot of people who want to find someone they enjoy being with, doing that IS looking out for number one!


----------



## In Absentia

LisaDiane said:


> Well, for alot of people who want to find someone they enjoy being with, doing that IS looking out for number one!


The fact is, after living with someone for almost 40 years, how on earth can you get used to another person? I would say it's impossible.


----------



## LATERILUS79

In Absentia said:


> The fact is, after living with someone for almost 40 years, how on earth can you get used to another person? I would say it's impossible.


Who says you have to get used to a person? 

For me personally, I'm looking forward to seeing something else that I am NOT used to. What I was previously used to really sucked ass.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> We haven't started visiting colleges as of yet but I'm hoping he'll decide (and get admitted) into a state school. If he keeps up his grades, he'll be eligible for several state scholarships; enough to pay for most if not all of his undergraduate degree.


Girl, I was shocked at how expensive it was when I went back to school, but in state isn't too terrible. Is he thinking about following in your footsteps, or has he got a specific interest of his own? At that age, I had no idea what to even study!



Lila said:


> I will come out and say that I live in one of the more affluent suburbs outside of Atlanta. Most of the people who live in my area are white collar professionals ($$$). Unfortunately, I do not attract white collar professionals, although I am one.
> 
> My pool is blue collar men, typically living in more rural suburbs. It isn't a problem for me as long as they are intelligent (not to be confused with book smart), our values match, and accepting of me wholly. The last one is where I run into issues. I am not a rural kind of woman. I am open to new experiences but I am a city girl through and through. Fishing?
> I'm in!!! Horses? ATVs? Hunting? Uhm, I'll just sit over there and hold your stuff 😂.


Eh, money is overrated; I was more interested in their money management after living with a man who loved credit card debt way too much. That was my pool too. Although I love living in greener areas, I'm not into those pursuits either. My bf isn't quite blue-collar; he's educated, but is a lab guy in oil and gas and not afraid to get his hands dirty. 



Lila said:


> I love the pontificating. I share your thoughts, specifically about chasing rainbows and butterflies. I have accepted that some people are happier chasing the unattainable. They live for tomorrow versus living in the now. More power to them.
> 
> Count me in for the retirement home adventures. We may become the harbingers of death for some of the old farts but at least they'll look forward to going 😂😂😜.


I was just in a mood yesterday after discovering unsettling information and was feeling quite low. I've been trying hard to live in the now. It truly is easier said than done, but it's a very peaceful way to live. 

Hmm, sounds like we'll need to have a commune! Maybe we can get @Not to join us.


----------



## TXTrini

leftfield said:


> I don't know how you guys can do this. Meeting someone for coffee or an ice cream sounds about as fun as cutting my toe nails. Anyways, wish all of you the best in your searching.


It's great if you're excited to meet them. I'm a hermit, so there was no way I was bothering to get dolled up and leave my house to meet someone I was meh about.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Hmm, sounds like we'll need to have a commune! Maybe we can get @Not to join us.


Sounds more like we need a TAM BBQ.


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> Who says you have to get used to a person?
> 
> For me personally, I'm looking forward to seeing something else that I am NOT used to. What I was previously used to really sucked ass.


I guess, I could try not to get used to anybody...


----------



## farsidejunky

LATERILUS79 said:


> good points. I didn't think of this. I'm not into wasting time or money. This sounds like a good compromise.
> 
> You see?! You all are gonna teach me so much!


I can't count how many times I've read that coffee dates for first dates are unacceptable. That chorus seems to be mostly driven by women, but most also seem to be younger as well. Maybe it's a generational thing?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

farsidejunky said:


> I can't count how many times I've read that coffee dates for first dates are unacceptable. That chorus seems to be mostly driven by women, but most also seem to be younger as well. Maybe it's a generational thing?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Nah, I don't think so. It's probably on of those compatibility issues. People who don't agree with your choice of meetup/date probably won't have much in common with you anyway.


----------



## Laurentium

farsidejunky said:


> I can't count how many times I've read that coffee dates for first dates are unacceptable. That chorus seems to be mostly driven by women, but most also seem to be younger as well. Maybe it's a generational thing?


Really? Where do you read that? I never had anyone question it. It's safer for them, than "dinner" with someone they haven't met before and don't know much about.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Not said:


> I got tired of it being like that so I try to keep it as simple as possible now. For a first meet I no longer agree to dinner or big excursions. Just meet for coffee or an ice cream and chat. Chances are there won't be a second meet.


I have never taken a first date to anywhere other than coffee or a bar (drinks only). Classy guy here…

Ideal for me was to go to a place that opens and then later has live music. Woman that doesn’t like live music is not girlfriend material in my book even if super hot.


----------



## farsidejunky

Laurentium said:


> Really? Where do you read that? I never had anyone question it. It's safer for them, than "dinner" with someone they haven't met before and don't know much about.


Forums, YouTube, and Reddit, to name a few. To me, it seems like a perfect way to meet for the first time. That said, there is a portion (how significant a portion is really the debate) of the female population that sees that as unacceptable. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

leftfield said:


> I suppose that is one way of doing it. Many moons ago when I was dating, I would just plan something fun and invite someone. If they didn't enjoy it; that was there problem.
> 
> To be honest there is no way, no how I would ever really like dating. I'm glad that I'm not there. Hope things go well for you.


Thats my problem now, I've been on so many dates at this point, from simple ones in coffee, to escape rooms, hikes, picnics, and all were quite boring. Only thing that drove it was the tingle in my pants since my engine was running at that time.

Now it's like... meh.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I have never taken a first date to anywhere other than coffee or a bar (drinks only). Classy guy here…
> 
> Ideal for me was to go to a place that opens and then later has live music. Woman that doesn’t like live music is not girlfriend material in my book even if super hot.


Most women don't like metal 😭

I always like everything most women don't like, metal music, history, strategy games, etc etc.


----------



## Laurentium

RandomDude said:


> Most women don't like metal 😭
> 
> I always like everything most women don't like, metal music, history, strategy games, etc etc.


This is why one needs male friends.


----------



## TXTrini

Laurentium said:


> This is why one needs male friends.


Thank you! 

If a significant other has to be your everything, you're too needy and have unrealistic expectations. There's no magical manic pixie girl!


----------



## RandomDude

Laurentium said:


> This is why one needs male friends.


They tend to get married and leave you out to dry 



TXTrini said:


> Thank you!
> 
> If a significant other has to be your everything, you're too needy and have unrealistic expectations. There's no magical manic pixie girl!


I'm my everything, but it's nice to have a partner that can share it.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Thats my problem now, I've been on so many dates at this point, from simple ones in coffee, to escape rooms, hikes, picnics, and all were quite boring. Only thing that drove it was the tingle in my pants since my engine was running at that time.
> 
> Now it's like... meh.


Simple burn out. I think I've seen you burn out with dating before. I'm in burn out right now too.😆

I'd place a bet you'll be back at in a month. 🤭


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> They tend to get married and leave you out to dry
> 
> 
> 
> I'm my everything, but it's nice to have a partner that can share it.


I wasn't talking about you; I've been married to an exhausting partner and have no desire to repeat that experience. Some space apart is really good! I need some alone time, it's nice to be with someone now who doesn't expect me to jump for everything he wants to do, and I don't expect that of him either. 

When I see people list everything they expect to have in common, I just roll my eyes.


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Forums, YouTube, and Reddit, to name a few. To me, it seems like a perfect way to meet for the first time. That said, there is a portion (how significant a portion is really the debate) of the female population that sees that as unacceptable.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I know there are some women who say this but I don't think they are the majority. Those women that expect dinner on their first date fall into two categories:. A) Highly desirable women who are looking for a free or extravagant date (competition for her attention) and B) Regular women who plan on paying their own way but would rather do so experiencing something nice. Personally, I think it's an awful idea.

When I started dating again, I learned quickly to keep first "dates" strictly to coffee (max of 30 minutes- 1 hour). If the initial attraction was there and mutual, then we planned something more involved like dinner. 

Heck there were a few times when it didn't even last 30 minutes. One of us wasnt feeling it and we recognized it was a waste of time to continue. 

Before people agree to involved first dates, imagine yourself trudging through dinner with someone when there is absolutely no connection, or worse, the person misrepresents themselves or is obnoxious (I've experienced both).


----------



## Affaircare




----------



## Not

Affaircare said:


> View attachment 90834


And a kick ass deductible


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Thats my problem now, I've been on so many dates at this point, from simple ones in coffee, to escape rooms, hikes, picnics, and all were quite boring. Only thing that drove it was the tingle in my pants since my engine was running at that time.
> 
> Now it's like... meh.


The tingle in my pants is quite the motivator.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Affaircare said:


> View attachment 90834


If it is this easy….. well, I’m looking forward to dating. 😁


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> The tingle in my pants is quite the motivator.


What's your value proposition? Cause the tingle in your pants is irreverent without one. 

How would you market yourself? You know I'm not trying to bust your balls; just provoke some thought when you decide to jump in.


----------



## In Absentia

An alternative to coffee would be lunch at the local oyster bar with a bottle of Puilly Fumé. I think I’d know after if we are compatible or not… 😊


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I know there are some women who say this but I don't think they are the majority. Those women that expect dinner on their first date fall into two categories:. A) Highly desirable women who are looking for a free or extravagant date (competition for her attention) and B) Regular women who plan on paying their own way but would rather do so experiencing something nice. Personally, I think it's an awful idea.
> 
> When I started dating again, I learned quickly to keep first "dates" strictly to coffee (max of 30 minutes- 1 hour). If the initial attraction was there and mutual, then we planned something more involved like dinner.
> 
> Heck there were a few times when it didn't even last 30 minutes. One of us wasnt feeling it and we recognized it was a waste of time to continue.
> 
> Before people agree to involved first dates, imagine yourself trudging through dinner with someone when there is absolutely no connection, or worse, the person misrepresents themselves or is obnoxious (I've experienced both).


Yeah I can't understand that mindset at all. Who wants to be stuck with someone they find repellant for whatever reason just to be polite? I made sure I could duck and leave if I needed to. Not to mention, there are so many men who feel paying for a date entitles them to sex, so paid my own way or traded off.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> If it is this easy….. well, I’m looking forward to dating. 😁


Only if you're planning to get married, ha!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Simple burn out. I think I've seen you burn out with dating before. I'm in burn out right now too.😆
> 
> I'd place a bet you'll be back at in a month. 🤭


Its been two months now actually, or 3? and still don't feel like it.

I reckon I'm going to need to be crushing on someone already to even want to date again, which means if I ever do date again, it's organic, no other possibility.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> I know there are some women who say this but I don't think they are the majority. Those women that expect dinner on their first date fall into two categories:. A) Highly desirable women who are looking for a free or extravagant date (competition for her attention) and B) Regular women who plan on paying their own way but would rather do so experiencing something nice. Personally, I think it's an awful idea.
> 
> When I started dating again, I learned quickly to keep first "dates" strictly to coffee (max of 30 minutes- 1 hour). If the initial attraction was there and mutual, then we planned something more involved like dinner.
> 
> Heck there were a few times when it didn't even last 30 minutes. One of us wasnt feeling it and we recognized it was a waste of time to continue.
> 
> Before people agree to involved first dates, imagine yourself trudging through dinner with someone when there is absolutely no connection, or worse, the person misrepresents themselves or is obnoxious (I've experienced both).


You don't have to convince me. I agree with the analysis and the thought process. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> You know I'm not trying to bust your balls.


BAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

wait a minute… you’re joking, right?

Trini, you bust my balls on a weekly to daily basis. It makes me do this:🤮


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> What's your value proposition? Cause the tingle in your pants is irreverent without one.


Use smaller words that I can understand. You should know this sh1t by now.
You are off your game today, Trini!


----------



## TXTrini

T


LATERILUS79 said:


> BAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
> 
> wait a minute… you’re joking, right?
> 
> Trini, you bust my balls on a weekly to daily basis. It makes me do this:🤮


I'm doing my civic duty to toughen yo' azz up. Do you want to be these guys when you step into the jungle?
Welcome to the Jungle



LATERILUS79 said:


> Use smaller words that I can understand. You should know this sh1t by now.
> You are off your game today, Trini!


It's called Google, brah. Which dates will cut up words into nice tiny leetle bite-sized pieces and feed them to you like an airplane? 

Oh, I best find dinner, might be a tad hangry. My bad!


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> Most women don't like metal 😭
> 
> I always like everything most women don't like, metal music, history, strategy games, etc etc.


Maybe that was my problem! Although when I would go on dates in college it was almost always with women I already knew and they knew I played guitar. There was no web or online dating.

Coffee date is good though for someone you don’t know. If there is nothing going on then bing bong you’re done in 30 minutes.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> T
> 
> I'm doing my civic duty to toughen yo' azz up. Do you want to be these guys when you step into the jungle?
> Welcome to the Jungle
> 
> 
> It's called Google, brah. Which dates will cut up words into nice tiny leetle bite-sized pieces and feed them to you like an airplane?
> 
> Oh, I best find dinner, might be a tad hangry. My bad!


I won’t be chewed up by anyone. That would require me to care. A lot. If a woman wants to pass me up - cool with me. You said it yourself: dating for women past 40 is tough. Most likely due to slim pickins. If I get past the “attraction” stage with a woman… you already know I have a ton to offer

I like the idea here of the coffee date (even though I don’t drink coffee). That way I don’t waste my time. 

don’t wanna Google. Would rather bother you.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> Maybe that was my problem! Although when I would go on dates in college it was almost always with women I already knew and they knew I played guitar. There was no web or online dating.
> 
> Coffee date is good though for someone you don’t know. If there is nothing going on then bing bong you’re done in 30 minutes.


Playing guitar is one thing, headbanging with you is another lol, only female metalheads I met were of the 'gothic' kind, black nail polish, piercings and tats. Not really my type 😅 

A spark in 30 minutes? I dunno, last organic crush took me two months.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> A spark in 30 minutes? I dunno, last organic crush took me two months.


I think you can exclude someone in 30 minutes. I went on only one blind date though and it was to Starbucks.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> I won’t be chewed up by anyone. That would require me to care. A lot. If a woman wants to pass me up - cool with me. You said it yourself: dating for women past 40 is tough. Most likely due to slim pickins. If I get past the “attraction” stage with a woman… you already know I have a ton to offer
> 
> I like the idea here of the coffee date (even though I don’t drink coffee). That way I don’t waste my time.
> 
> don’t wanna Google. Would rather bother you.


I think you misunderstand what I meant... In my experience, it wasn't slim pickings; it was the sheer amount of pickings and conversations required to find a compatible man. I suppose that's every dater's experience, but I'm an impatient person who doesn't like smalltalk and the older I get, the less patience I have for BS. 

I know its way's different on the man side of OLD but a lot of y'all like to scattershot swipe everything that moves the bonermeter!


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I think you can exclude someone in 30 minutes. I went on only one blind date though and it was to Starbucks.


Might as well exclude them before wasting 30 minutes + travelling/parking time cause it aint going to happen lol



TXTrini said:


> I think you misunderstand what I meant... In my experience, it wasn't slim pickings; it was the sheer amount of pickings and conversations required to find a compatible man. I suppose that's every dater's experience, but I'm an impatient person who doesn't like smalltalk and the older I get, the less patience I have for BS.
> 
> I know its way's different on the man side of OLD but a lot of y'all like to scattershot swipe everything that moves the bonermeter!


We INTJs have the problem of not liking small talk but we end up talking about stuff way too deep too quickly (for other personalities) I found. I think I learnt a lot about our ways dating an ESFP (again), sometimes we just need to chill. Also had an ISFP analyse me more than even ms busy bee I felt so bleh that I was like her.


----------



## aston

Hello from Charlotte, NC. Dating is fine but it's alot more work. I'd rather be single and happy.......women are crazy.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> We INTJs have the problem of not liking small talk but we end up talking about stuff way too deep too quickly (for other personalities) I found.


I am INTJ but I never thought about that. I do not like “pleasantries” or talking about the weather. I feel like an actor when I do it. I think I can do a convincing impression of a normal person but I don’t like it. It feels dumb and fake.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Might as well exclude them before wasting 30 minutes + travelling/parking time cause it aint going to happen lol
> 
> We INTJs have the problem of not liking small talk but we end up talking about stuff way too deep too quickly (for other personalities) I found. I think I learnt a lot about our ways dating an ESFP (again), sometimes we just need to chill. Also had an ISFP analyse me more than even ms busy bee I felt so bleh that I was like her.


I agree! You can actually see when their eyes glaze over when their brain cells stall. Tthe trouble is my face is also expressive when I think something is stupid 😂 , so kinda hard to meet in the middle. 

That's why I was happy to nab another INTJ. He can even stand me when I'm hangry! No way I could live with an extrovert, they'd drain my energy super fast.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I am INTJ but I never thought about that. I do not like “pleasantries” or talking about the weather. I feel like an actor when I do it. I think I can do a convincing impression of a normal person but I don’t like it. It feels dumb and fake.


Are we all INTJs?! 😖

Small talk doesn't have to be all boring weather talk obviously, it includes banter. That's pretty much the majority of my conversations with extroverts, including all my exs lol. They never shut up you know, like a dog always coming up to you with a ball in their mouth, I just kept throwing it and letting them fetch.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Are we all INTJs?! 😖
> 
> Small talk doesn't have to be all boring weather talk obviously, it includes banter. That's pretty much the majority of my conversations with extroverts, including all my exs lol. They never shut up you know, like a dog always coming up to you with a ball in their mouth, I just kept throwing it and letting them fetch.


Dude... if I were a man, I'd shoot my **** off first than tolerate that just to get some.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> Are we all INTJs?! 😖
> 
> Small talk doesn't have to be all boring weather talk obviously, it includes banter. That's pretty much the majority of my conversations with extroverts, including all my exs lol. They never shut up you know, like a dog always coming up to you with a ball in their mouth, I just kept throwing it and letting them fetch.


Banter is fine with me. Someone who “never shuts up” not so much.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I agree! You can actually see when their eyes glaze over when their brain cells stall. Tthe trouble is my face is also expressive when I think something is stupid 😂 , so kinda hard to meet in the middle.
> 
> That's why I was happy to nab another INTJ. He can even stand me when I'm hangry! No way I could live with an extrovert, they'd drain my energy super fast.


Lol I roll my eyes a lot and growl at stupidity. Surprisingly, they found it cute when I do it, even if I'm rolling my eyes at them lol


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Dude... if I were a man, I'd shoot my **** off first than tolerate that just to get some.





ccpowerslave said:


> Banter is fine with me. Someone who “never shuts up” not so much.


That's the thing about me, unlike you guys I think I just prefer extroverts lol
They can do all the talking for me and bringing up new stuff and I can just sit and listen and comment and roast. 

Also, I will never get into this situation 😅 :


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> He can even stand me when I'm hangry!


All women get hangry  

As men we simply have to tolerate and go get chocolates and ice cream


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> I don't know how you guys can keep dating after a while. After I stopped and removed all my apps the thought of going through all the trouble again just makes my head spin.
> 
> Already in a relationship you run out of places to take her or activities to try, even in the big city but now starting over? All the dates I had I always felt a sense of CBF anymore. Also why I'm sticking to organically too, because I'm probably going to need to at least be crushing on someone bad to be motivated to date again.
> 
> What would be ideal is romance without dating, but such things only happen at work (risky) or with activities, but I have no interest in group activities.


You've described my life here! I stopped bothering to online date; it's just too much work for such little return, as I'm super-selective. I've just been waiting patiently to develop a crush in real life, but it's also hard to meet new people at my age and stage in life. I've joined some meetups and clubs, but nothing panning out so far. It's been a lot less stressful though.


----------



## Not

So part of the earlier conversation on this thread has me wondering something. Do you all actually have friends lol?? I know a ton of people but I don’t hang out with anyone. I mean every now and then I will but for the most part no. I’m not antisocial and I love a great conversation but I guess I’m the type who doesn’t want to have to have that sort of commitment. I love my downtime, alone.


----------



## RandomDude

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You've described my life here! I stopped bothering to online date; it's just too much work for such little return, as I'm super-selective. I've just been waiting patiently to develop a crush in real life, but it's also hard to meet new people at my age and stage in life. I've joined some meetups and clubs, but nothing panning out so far. It's been a lot less stressful though.


Yes! I'm not alone!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> So part of the earlier conversation on this thread has me wondering something. Do you all actually have friends lol?? I know a ton of people but I don’t hang out with anyone. I mean every now and then I will but for the most part no. I’m not antisocial and I love a great conversation but I guess I’m the type who doesn’t want to have to have that sort of commitment. I love my downtime, alone.


I have friends.
It's just... me ---- LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS OF SPACE ---- Friends
I like it that way 

I had two introverts that I dated (yup, introverts of all people) criticise this lifestyle too btw. Like what the heck? lol


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I have friends.
> It's just... me ---- LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS OF SPACE ---- Friends
> 
> I like it that way


Me exactly. I got home from work yesterday, got into my house and walked into my bedroom to find my youngest daughter standing in there with a mountain of new clothes she had just bought on my bed. I’m thinking oh no! 

Mom! You can watch me try on all my new stuff! Ok…..😩😩😩


----------



## Personal

In Absentia said:


> I'll be looking at the very wealthy 90+ age range.


Well you're too late! Since she just died at 96.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Me exactly. I got home from work yesterday, got into my house and walked into my bedroom to find my youngest daughter standing in there with a mountain of new clothes she had just bought on my bed. I’m thinking oh no!
> 
> Mom! You can watch me try on all my new stuff! Ok…..😩😩😩


My daughter is outgoing to the max, probably how I adapted so well to tolerate all these extroverted flappy spouts that never shut up.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> So part of the earlier conversation on this thread has me wondering something. Do you all actually have friends lol?? I know a ton of people but I don’t hang out with anyone. I mean every now and then I will but for the most part no. I’m not antisocial and I love a great conversation but I guess I’m the type who doesn’t want to have to have that sort of commitment. I love my downtime, alone.


Not ones I see much, we're too spread out, but keep in touch. I've been too focused on getting my **** together to build friendships locally. To be quite frank, I'm not particularly interested in going out just to do so, if I happen to meet like-minded people, sure. I'm picky and value my free time.


----------



## Personal

In Absentia said:


> An alternative to coffee would be lunch at the local oyster bar with a bottle of Puilly Fumé. I think I’d know after if we are compatible or not… 😊


I'm sure a fine Italian gentleman like yourself, could get laid like tile by English ladies if you put yourself out there. As you know Italian men can charm British women.

A bit like how Italian women like my wife are charmed by British men, not forgetting my wife's sister is married to a Scottish man she met in Scotland.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Not ones I see much, we're too spread out, but keep in touch. I've been too focused on getting my **** together to build friendships locally. To be quite frank, I'm not particularly interested in going out just to do so, if I happen to meet like-minded people, sure. I'm picky and value my free time.


Yes, I don’t want to go out just to do so either. At work every day it’s a different story. We all have a ton of fun in there and someone is always laughing about something but outside of work I don’t go out of my way to hang out. 

There’s a group of women from work who will go out on the weekends and go out for lunch and shopping and I just can’t do it. But put me in a relationship and I’m perfectly fine doing most everything he would want to do. It’s like I have no patience outside of a relationship. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Yes, I don’t want to go out just to do so either. At work every day it’s a different story. We all have a ton of fun in there and someone is always laughing about something but outside of work I don’t go out of my way to hang out.
> 
> There’s a group of women from work who will go out on the weekends and go out for lunch and shopping and I just can’t do it. But put me in a relationship and I’m perfectly fine doing most everything he would want to do. It’s like I have no patience outside of a relationship. 🤷‍♀️


Speaking of shopping, wonder how many men enjoy shopping with their partners or merely tolerate it.

For me it depends what it is, if it's new clothes and stuff I actually like it, also there's room for some... 'play' during it hehe... but grocery shopping?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> My daughter is outgoing to the max, probably how I adapted so well to tolerate all these extroverted flappy spouts that never shut up.


My youngest is like that too. She drives me batty at times lol!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Speaking of shopping, wonder how many men enjoy shopping with their partners or merely tolerate it.
> 
> For me it depends what it is, if it's new clothes and stuff I actually like it, also there's room for some... 'play' during it hehe... but grocery shopping?


I’m not a shopper, especially for clothes. I hate it and only do it when I absolutely have too lol! As a matter of fact I need to go alone for something like that because I can get grumpy/mean 😂


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> My youngest is like that too. She drives me batty at times lol!


Does she bring her friends over? Do you ever have to take out and supervise a bunch of kids because of course she must bring her 'followers'? lol



Not said:


> I’m not a shopper, especially for clothes. I hate it and only do it when I absolutely have too lol! As a matter of fact I need to go alone for something like that because I can get grumpy/mean 😂


Lol omg really? How does one get grumpy and mean during clothes shopping? 😅 

Also helps I'm more decisive so whenever they couldn't choose I'm like, "this looks good", "this is too much", "no way you wear that I'm pretending I don't know you" lol


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Does she bring her friends over? Do you ever have to take out and supervise a bunch of kids because of course she must bring her 'followers'? lol


She used to but now that she’s a bit older not as much and all I can say is thank God. She’s 20 and has honed her friend group down to just a couple. But boy do they love getting the nails done and coming over here and coloring their hair in one of my bathrooms and sharing all their clothes. When they head out of here I feel like a tornado just went through my place, all that energy and noise. It’s blissfully quiet after


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> She used to but now that she’s a bit older not as much and all I can say is thank God. She’s 20 and has honed her friend group down to just a couple. But boy do they love getting the nails done and coming over here and coloring their hair in one of my bathrooms and sharing all their clothes. *When they head out of here I feel like a tornado just went through my place, all that energy and noise. It’s blissfully quiet after*


Hahahaha YES!


----------



## heartsbeating

Man, extroverts once again get a bad wrap and slightly misrepresented! No doubt it’s a sliding scale yet as one who leans more towards extroversion, I also find ‘small talk’ challenging. And I/we do have friends that we see socially most weekends. However, Batman was away for work for the first time in a long time, and I was completely comfortable in my own company. Still missed him, but good on my own accord nonetheless. Had a solitary routine down quickly. Friend invited me to their home for dinner (knowing he was away) and I declined as I’d set myself up for continued home-body comfort that particular evening. Appreciated the offer though and gave the honest reply as to why not. Anyway, just felt the ‘extroverted’ need to balance the perspective dealt here! 😛. Granted, if I’m with friends time can easily lapse into many hours of shared conversation - and lots of that is me listening, not just talking up a storm 😆


----------



## ccpowerslave

FWIW I don’t think about people in terms of personality test results or introvert/extrovert or anything like that. I’m more interested in what they can do or make than peculiarities of their personality.


----------



## RandomDude

heartsbeating said:


> Man, extroverts once again get a bad wrap and slightly misrepresented! No doubt it’s a sliding scale yet as one who leans more towards extroversion, I also find ‘small talk’ challenging. And I/we do have friends that we see socially most weekends. However, Batman was away for work for the first time in a long time, and I was completely comfortable in my own company. Still missed him, but good on my own accord nonetheless. Had a solitary routine down quickly. Friend invited me to their home for dinner (knowing he was away) and I declined as I’d set myself up for continued home-body comfort that particular evening. Appreciated the offer though and gave the honest reply as to why not. Anyway, just felt the ‘extroverted’ need to balance the perspective dealt here! 😛. Granted, if I’m with friends time can easily lapse into many hours of shared conversation - and lots of that is me listening, not just talking up a storm 😆


Bad wrap? I always ended up with extroverts lol - some of us appreciate your unique 'strengths'

Friends or family at the door? Unleash the extrovert and return to solitude 
Now I'm back to being rude to everyone because I have none to unleash


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Speaking of shopping, wonder how many men enjoy shopping with their partners or merely tolerate it.
> 
> For me it depends what it is, if it's new clothes and stuff I actually like it, also there's room for some... 'play' during it hehe... but grocery shopping?


Depends.
How much sex is happening?


----------



## ccpowerslave

I love shopping but not for women’s clothes unless a personal shopper is used. Without a personal shopper I politely decline and my wife takes woman friend(s).

Men’s clothes are easy because sizes are based on measurements with a tape measure so they’re always almost right. I can think of one time I bought a tailored shirt based on the neck and sleeve and it didn’t fit.

Women’s clothes not even close. One size number varies wildly. I recently bought my wife a sexy little dress for playtime and the company was like “if you bought this last time, the new size is something else”. It looks like they just took old M and made it new S. Complete scam!

Anyway personal shopper at a nice department store knows the woman’s body and size if they’ve used them before and they have all the outfits preselected and set aside so it’s all just “do you like this?” or not. That is actually not so bad.


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> Depends.
> How much sex is happening?


This makes me laugh, but I know you aren't really joking, and I get it...when my EX would reject me, my generosity towards pleasing him and even just wanting to make him happy would disappear.


----------



## LisaDiane

aston said:


> Hello from Charlotte, NC. Dating is fine but it's alot more work. I'd rather be single and happy.......women are crazy.


Oh hey!!! I live next to Charlotte, and I would think there are MANY options for dating in this area! Maybe you are giving up too soon...Lol!! 
How long have you been dating? And what age group are you dating in?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Yes, I don’t want to go out just to do so either. At work every day it’s a different story. We all have a ton of fun in there and someone is always laughing about something but outside of work I don’t go out of my way to hang out.
> 
> There’s a group of women from work who will go out on the weekends and go out for lunch and shopping and I just can’t do it. But put me in a relationship and I’m perfectly fine doing most everything he would want to do. It’s like I have no patience outside of a relationship. 🤷‍♀️


This is why we need a TAM BBQ.

seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Me exactly. I got home from work yesterday, got into my house and walked into my bedroom to find my youngest daughter standing in there with a mountain of new clothes she had just bought on my bed. I’m thinking oh no!
> 
> Mom! You can watch me try on all my new stuff! Ok…..😩😩😩


So…… my two kids are twins (boy and girl). They are 9. They kept saying every day at our new house, “Daddy, is today the day that we go out and start knocking on people’s doors to meet them?”

uuhhhhhhhhh……. Daddy is uhhhhh…. Busy today.

dammit!!!!! You wretched little extroverts!!😂 I love you both so damn much and you are going to make me do something I CANNOT STAND doing!

so yeah.

my kids got tired of me waffling and took the matter into their own hands. They walked the neighborhood looking for people. Already made a bunch of friends….. which forced me to meet their parents.

it was a difficult day for me. 😂


----------



## LATERILUS79

LisaDiane said:


> This makes me laugh, but I know you aren't really joking, and I get it...when my EX would reject me, my generosity towards pleasing him and even just wanting to make him happy would disappear.


Definitely not joking.

I can shop A LOT if things are home are going well.


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> Definitely not joking.
> 
> I can shop A LOT if things are home are going well.


Maybe a better question is...how many stray cats can you pet when you are happy in your sex life?? Lol!!!


----------



## LATERILUS79

LisaDiane said:


> Maybe a better question is...how many stray cats can you pet when you are happy in your sex life?? Lol!!!


😲😲😲😲

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!


Dammit! 


This is a conundrum. I don't know how to answer this question. I'm not sure what to do here. I mean...... if would have to be the most mind blowingly awesome sex I've ever had (and daily) for me to ever consider dealing with cats again in my life.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM BBQ.
> 
> seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
> Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂


Yep, I'm an ISTP. Adventurous in ways but very laid back for the most part. You've got that BBQ sounding way more productive than my current dating life lol!


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> So…… my two kids are twins (boy and girl). They are 9. They kept saying every day at our new house, “Daddy, is today the day that we go out and start knocking on people’s doors to meet them?”
> 
> uuhhhhhhhhh……. Daddy is uhhhhh…. Busy today.
> 
> dammit!!!!! You wretched little extroverts!!😂 I love you both so damn much and you are going to make me do something I CANNOT STAND doing!
> 
> so yeah.
> 
> my kids got tired of me waffling and took the matter into their own hands. They walked the neighborhood looking for people. Already made a bunch of friends….. which forced me to meet their parents.
> 
> it was a difficult day for me. 😂


Nooooo!! Wild horses could not drag me into something like that! I moved into my place 3 years ago and have yet to meet any neighbors outside of the two who live next store on either side lol!


----------



## RebuildingMe

This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.


I'm not a hermit. I just don't like meeting people...... unless those people are doing the same activity as me.

For example, I love mountain biking. All of my friends in town are mountain bikers. I get out to see them all the time. I meet new people in the woods. I know that sounds creepy, but its not. I meet people while I'm riding and riding bikes means riding in the woods. 

Knocking on people's doors and just striking up conversations? Hell no. Nope. Nada. Not going to happen. 

That's for extroverts. 

Now... I'm joking here with my kids. I am very thankful they are very extroverted. Saves me the trouble of finding them friends. Also, it is a good segway into meeting other adults in the neighborhood. I've already spoken with some of the parents and the conversations went well. Looks like I'm the only single man in the neighborhood (very small neighborhood). Besides, I'm not game for meeting a woman that lives nearby. What if something goes wrong? Naw, I need my castle to escape to. Can't do that if she lives in the same neighborhood. 

I'm sure at some point I will know the parents enough to where I can have a neighborhood BBQ. This is a good thing. I happen to be exceptionally good at BBQing (no seriously, one of my hobbies is being a professional bbqer. Almost won the world championship in Memphis, TN one time). I can talk BBQ. Once people have something I've made, then they'll want to talk about it because its the best they've ever had. Again, I can talk about stuff I know or am interested in. 

So this is why I'd be game to host a TAM BBQ. All of us introverts can stand around looking at each other and not saying a damn thing. Then we can all start drinking to loosen things up just a bit. 😁


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Nooooo!! Wild horses could not drag me into something like that! I moved into my place 3 years ago and have yet to meet any neighbors outside of the two who live next store on either side lol!


I feel your pain. 

It was not..... comfortable.

But my kids are 9. They are with me for a week at a time. I've gotta do what I gotta do. The ex got the family home. It is surrounded by all of my kids' friends. They wanted to meet new people here so I needed to go along with that.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.


It's wonderful that you're having that experience. 
My neighbors keep to themselves, I think the political crap here had everyone too tense. But when I get to talking to people one on one, it's cool. The hermit next door will wave if I wave to him, but we've never talked, I spoke to his landlord several times 😆 (house stuff, we share a fence).

I think you're confusing introvert and social awkwardness, though. Many of us fly under the radar because we're social chameleons, at a cost. It's draining to be "on", personally I'm choosy who I'm "on" with and enjoy my peace. 

Then again my stint was short and sweet, and I'm very motivated to maintain my relationship as it's a good match (so far, sometimes people surprise you). Nothing is wrong with us, we like ourselves, so why change? It takes more effort to find someone compatible, but I think it relates to how jealousy some of us guard our alone time. I like mine too much to spend it on people I'm meh about.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I met my next door neighbor (fairly new) for the first time last weekend and he has lived in the house since maybe February. A younger guy and maybe girlfriend? who is just starting out. He recently got a new vehicle and I complimented him on the color choice and he nodded but last weekend he was on our driveway working on the landscaping on the side of his house so I finally had a chance to properly meet him.

Guy was similar to me, keeps to himself.

My wife is more outgoing and talks to most of the neighbors on our street. I could generally care less about them except for my other next door neighbor is an older lady and she has her son’s cat. For some reason she thinks the cat likes to be outside so she goes outside with it and talks in loud baby talk that is so loud I can hear it through the wall in my office if I don’t have music on.

“Boo boo. Oh you!!!” she goes on like that for 5 minutes.

Want to sell.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM BBQ.
> 
> seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
> Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂


If we have a TAM BBQ and majority of TAM folks are introverts, or worse, if we are all INTJs...


----------



## Numb26

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM BBQ.
> 
> seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
> Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂


As long as everyone protects me from @TXTrini 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## ccpowerslave

I open up a lot with alcohol and sports. Put a cornhole game or something out there and it’s on. Alternatively maybe frisbee or football.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I open up a lot with alcohol and sports. Put a cornhole game or something out there and it’s on. Alternatively maybe frisbee or football.


Alcohol is my extrovert/introvert switch 😅 

But I got pancreatitis from overdrinking in my youth so lol


----------



## ccpowerslave

RandomDude said:


> Alcohol is my extrovert/introvert switch 😅
> 
> But I got pancreatitis from overdrinking in my youth so lol


Hahah it doesn’t need to be crazy just a couple glasses of wine.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> Hahah it doesn’t need to be crazy just a couple glasses of wine.


It's like pringles, once you pop you can't stop! Also I drink wine like water.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM BBQ.
> 
> seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
> Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂





RandomDude said:


> If we have a TAM BBQ and majority of TAM folks are introverts, or worse, if we are all INTJs...
> 
> View attachment 90876



I'd be down for the INTJ BBQ!


----------



## Not

TXTrini brought up a good point. Introversion versus awkwardness. I am so not awkward lol! 

If I were to be observed in my office for just one day at work it would be apparent to everyone that with some people who come in to see me I’m completely open and fun and others I just don’t even wanna hear your voice lol! There’s even one who I will get up from my desk and walk out of the room when I hear him coming so he can’t trap me in conversation. And yet another I can’t wait to compare brain fart stories with! It’s our thing lol! The ones I avoid tend to be the ones who have no self-awareness at all. Those people absolutely take everything out of me.

But I still wouldn’t want to live with the ones I find interesting and have fun with. I need a break from everyone else’s minds. I like to be alone with my own thoughts.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> I open up a lot with alcohol and sports. Put a cornhole game or something out there and it’s on. Alternatively maybe frisbee or football.


I don't drink. I just take notes! Rahahahahaha! 😂 😂 😂


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> As long as everyone protects me from @TXTrini 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣


Whhhhhhhy? I'm harmless.


----------



## Not

The past year has been a rough one but I think I’m finally coming out the other side. I’ve spent the past several months wondering how long it would take me to get over the break up with Tank. His shenanigans weren’t helping that process at all. And I’m stupidly loyal, to a fault. It’s not my brain doing that either. Some part of me holds onto love fiercely and refuses to let go. I’ve never understood that part of myself.

It’s been almost 11 months now and I can finally say I’m done. I didn’t talk about this part of the process because I knew it was gonna take me a really long time and it was pointless. I may have come on here and talked about it if I had thought there was some chance at reconnecting with him but that was never the case. 

Love is evil lol! And so blind! Strongest drug there is. And oh boy did I love him, more than I ever loved exH. It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced that kind of connection and chemistry with another person so in that sense I’m really glad I met him. I know now what that’s like.

So I haven’t been ready and I never would have done that to someone if I had met someone who ticked off a lot of the boxes. Thankfully I didn’t hit it off with anyone, it wouldn’t have turned out well, for them.

Tank tried logging into my POF again last month. He tried logging in with a user name I haven’t used in 2 1/2 years. The one I was using when I met him. That dating app was his last link to me. I shut it down the next day and won’t be using it again. No more access to me. No more freaking chaos.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> The past year has been a rough one but I think I’m finally coming out the other side. I’ve spent the past several months wondering how long it would take me to get over the break up with Tank. His shenanigans weren’t helping that process at all. And I’m stupidly loyal, to a fault. It’s not my brain doing that either. Some part of me holds onto love fiercely and refuses to let go. I’ve never understood that part of myself.
> 
> It’s been almost 11 months now and I can finally say I’m done. I didn’t talk about this part of the process because I knew it was gonna take me a really long time and it was pointless. I may have come on here and talked about it if I had thought there was some chance at reconnecting with him but that was never the case.
> 
> Love is evil lol! And so blind! Strongest drug there is. And oh boy did I love him, more than I ever loved exH. It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced that kind of connection and chemistry with another person so in that sense I’m really glad I met him. I know now what that’s like.
> 
> So I haven’t been ready and I never would have done that to someone if I had met someone who ticked off a lot of the boxes. Thankfully I didn’t hit it off with anyone, it wouldn’t have turned out well, for them.
> 
> Tank tried logging into my POF again last month. He tried logging in with a user name I haven’t used in 2 1/2 years. The one I was using when I met him. That dating app was his last link to me. I shut it down the next day and won’t be using it again. No more access to me. No more freaking chaos.


Hey, there's nothing wrong with loving hard; the only trouble is when is at the expense of living yourself and accepting the unacceptable. Count me in as a stubbornly loyal person, except instead of continuing to love I will crush that love for self-preservation. I've had to cut out toxic, abusive family members like a cancer and move on, so it's nothing new.

Why do you think you refuse to let go of someone that's clearly not good for you? Not being critical, just thought-provoking, I've been down that road and reasoned through the why's as part of my letting go process (with the help of an amazing therapist!). You don't need to answer me, just yourself.

Love is not evil, I still think it's the only reason that motivates us to do great things. Unfortunately, some people have warped ideas of love or use it to hurt or manipulate others... If you let them. 

You know, I think it'll hurt me more if my bf and I break up, than my divorce did, because for the first time in my life I feel appreciated for myself (and the sex is really good 😂). 

I'm so sorry you're still dealing with Tank's crap; he seems to be a very disturbed, mentally ill person to be that intrusive and downright criminally creepy! It's nearly a frigging year! Forgive me if I can't remember, but are you doing therapy? It might be helpful to learn how to let go of people who are bad for you.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.



I'm an extrovert and dating is no easier on this side of the fence. 

Regardless of introvert/extrovert status, building relationships, both platonic and romantic, takes vulnerability, consistency, and positivity. These things are in short supply in this day and age.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> That is certainly possible and I recognize it as so. But in my defense, in this modern age of dating where there's always someone better one swipe away (I don't do online dating but everyone else does) and considering my age (and not interested in dating much younger or very older), I am a placeholder to just about every man I meet. I just cannot compete so I settle for the best of what's available to me, aka Pogo.
> 
> But to your last point, @farsidejunky I really appreciate you saying that I deserve better but you and I both know there is no correlation between deserving and getting.


Not entirely true. Knowing you deserve better can lead to better if it causes you to pass on the lower quality people.

Treat yourself as one who deserves a quality man because you are.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Why do you think you refuse to let go of someone that's clearly not good for you? Not being critical, just thought-provoking, I've been down that road and reasoned through the why's as part of my letting go process (with the help of an amazing therapist!). You don't need to answer me, just yourself.


I’m aware of what I do but I don’t know why I get stuck so hard. I’m pretty sure for me it’s because I’ve never had an awesome/healthy relationship so I cling to what could have been. But I knew I would do this so I was prepared. Logically I know exactly what needs to be done and is why I never caved when I missed him or wanted to talk to him but the letting go for me, it’s a whole nuther ball game. I mourn for a long time. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he hadn’t kept trying to insert himself into my life? I’ll never know.




> Love is not evil, I still think it's the only reason that motivates us to do great things. Unfortunately, some people have warped ideas of love or use it to hurt or manipulate others... If you let them.


I was being tongue-in-cheek for the most part. 😁 but I am convinced a lot of people right here on this forum would agree that it was love that kept them hanging in for much longer than they should have so in that sense it is like a powerful drug.



> You know, I think it'll hurt me more if my bf and I break up, than my divorce did, because for the first time in my life I feel appreciated for myself (and the sex is really good 😂).


You two sound pretty solid and plenty of time has passed for you to figure out whether or not he’s a good one, so apparently he is! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and would be one to recognize that. 😊



> I'm so sorry you're still dealing with Tank's crap; he seems to be a very disturbed, mentally ill person to be that intrusive and downright criminally creepy! It's nearly a frigging year! Forgive me if I can't remember, but are you doing therapy? It might be helpful to learn how to let go of people who are bad for you.


Thank you and I’m alright. I was in therapy for about six weeks back in the summer after the incident in July. She basically gave me the boot after my six free sessions lol! I talked that poor woman's head off and by the end of those sessions she told me she didn’t think I needed any help. She basically told me I’ve got this but left the door open if I want to go back. I was keeping it all bottled up because I didn’t want to dump on my family or friends. I know now I just needed an outlet.


----------



## LATERILUS79

What is this POF that Tank is trying to log into?


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> What is this POF that Tank is trying to log into?


Plenty of Fish, a dating app. It doesn’t come very highly recommended by most on here but I was still using it because of the sheer number of people on there. At least in my area. 

It has a free version as well as a paid membership version.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Plenty of Fish, a dating app. It doesn’t come very highly recommended by most on here but I was still using it because of the sheer number of people on there. At least in my area.
> 
> It has a free version as well as a paid membership version.


Woah. Why was he trying to log into your account?! You all have been broken up for 11 months, right?


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Woah. Why was he trying to log into your account?! You all have been broken up for 11 months, right?


First week of October will be a year. There’s a big backstory to all of this but in a nutshell he began messing with me back in March and it’s been something once a month ever since. Some of it pretty serious and other stuff just very petty. He’s apparently very vindictive.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’m aware of what I do but I don’t know why I get stuck so hard. I’m pretty sure for me it’s because I’ve never had an awesome/healthy relationship so I cling to what could have been. But I knew I would do this so I was prepared. Logically I know exactly what needs to be done and is why I never caved when I missed him or wanted to talk to him but the letting go for me, it’s a whole nuther ball game. I mourn for a long time. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he hadn’t kept trying to insert himself into my life? I’ll never know.


Sometimes is just sheer will... mind over matter. I learned to keep asking myself, why do I want someone who doesn't want me/treat me as well as I treat them/etc. to call myself out for keeping myself stuck. I wish he's just gone away, trust me, I get it. Although I've maintained no contact, my ex in-laws haven't and it made letting go harder, especially for a naturally curious person. They'd leave cryptic messages in e-cards (MiL fingerprints!) but this year for the first time I managed to delete it before opening. This **** is no picnic, especially when people just can't leave you alone.



Not said:


> I was being tongue-in-cheek for the most part. 😁 but I am convinced a lot of people right here on this forum would agree that it was love that kept them hanging in for much longer than they should have so in that sense it is like a powerful drug.


Definitely! It's certainly why I suffered many indignities I felt too ashamed to post on this forum willingly. I'm trying really hard to "check myself before I wreck myself" now, and not sacrifice my needs for someone else. Sorry, but I'm kinda dense sometimes, thanks for spelling it out😁 



Not said:


> You two sound pretty solid and plenty of time has passed for you to figure out whether or not he’s a good one, so apparently he is! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and would be one to recognize that. 😊


It's funny, because so many people here advised me to punt him early on. I've come to appreciate his patience and pacing. I'm way more impulsive and impatient, he's more measured and careful, we balance each other out. It's been really great now that I don't feel so guarded anymore, I was terrified to fall for a front again, but I was resolved to walk if that turned out to be the case (still am). 



Not said:


> Thank you and I’m alright. I was in therapy for about six weeks back in the summer after the incident in July. She basically gave me the boot after my six free sessions lol! I talked that poor woman's head off and by the end of those sessions she told me she didn’t think I needed any help. She basically told me I’ve got this but left the door open if I want to go back. I was keeping it all bottled up because I didn’t want to dump on my family or friends. I know now I just needed an outlet.


😆
Isn't that the job though? I truly bless therapists' patience everywhere! Listening to us ***** and moan while refraining from slapping us! I've trying not to dump on anyone either, but been leaving little turdlets here and there to consistently blow off some steam. 

Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone! This **** sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do, capisce?


----------



## RandomDude

The only thing missing I can't find in singledom are cuddles, the type where you find yourself in someone else's arms, the feeling of contentment and safety, the issues of the world dissolving into nothing. Cuddles > sex  and it's the only thing I can't seem to let go of. Reminding myself that there are even happily married couples who sleep in separate beds and don't cuddle, so I won't feel so bad.

Once I find a way to no longer desire it or recreate the chemical discharge using drugs I'm set for life.


----------



## FrenchFry

@RandomDude CUDDLE THERAPY AUSTRALIA -


----------



## ccpowerslave

Cuddle hos and gigolos. Is this the societal collapse thread?


----------



## RandomDude

FrenchFry said:


> @RandomDude CUDDLE THERAPY AUSTRALIA -


Cant be with a stranger, need to trust that person 😋

So for the meantime will be cuddle starved 😑


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Cant be with a stranger, need to trust that person 😋
> 
> So for the meantime will be cuddle starved 😑


You could get a dog. I know it’s not the same as a person, but I think it could help.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Oh, and in my world sex>cuddles.


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> You could get a dog.


But he said cuddles > sex...


----------



## LATERILUS79

In Absentia said:


> But he said cuddles > sex...


Yeah. He wants to cuddle. Might as well get a dog.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> You could get a dog. I know it’s not the same as a person, but I think it could help.


If I was to get a pet for cuddles I'll get a floofy cat but not ready for one still. 



LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh, and in my world sex>cuddles.


Sex is easier to come by than cuddles 😔

In fact, I have to give sex to get cuddles 😑
Sometimes I wonder if I should just find a cuddle bunny 🐰 again but I just CBF

Stupid things forcing me to still be dependent


----------



## 342693

RandomDude said:


> The only thing missing I can't find in singledom are cuddles, the type where you find yourself in someone else's arms, the feeling of contentment and safety, the issues of the world dissolving into nothing. Cuddles > sex  and it's the only thing I can't seem to let go of. Reminding myself that there are even happily married couples who sleep in separate beds and don't cuddle, so I won't feel so bad.
> 
> Once I find a way to no longer desire it or recreate the chemical discharge using drugs I'm set for life.


Yeah that’s one of the worst things about being recently single/divorced. The non sexual affection. A random hook up is easy to find. But cuddling, laying together watching tv, etc. I miss that and knowing it will take a while to find that again sucks.


----------



## Bulfrog1987

Guess I can join this thread now. Working through it for any advice or tips y'all may have.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Guess I can join this thread now. Working through it for any advice or tips y'all may have.


Wait, I thought you were already a part of the singles area of TAM?😁


----------



## RebuildingMe

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Guess I can join this thread now. Working through it for any advice or tips y'all may have.


Oh joy. Welcome to the club. We reserve the right to decline new members 🤣


----------



## LATERILUS79

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Guess I can join this thread now. Working through it for any advice or tips y'all may have.


Here’s a piece of advice that is just of my personal opinion:

I’ve read a lot of posts in these singles threads (read the old ones too). Some people look forward to dating and keep a positive outlook. Some…… don’t. 

I personally want to find my lifetime partner and I don’t see myself giving up any time soon - even if I end up having more bad relationships. 

If that is you as well, I’d say don’t let the negative comments here get you down. Just keep plugging away at dating until you find a good match. That’s what I plan on doing.


----------



## Bulfrog1987

LATERILUS79 said:


> Wait, I thought you were already a part of the singles area of TAM?😁


Nope, this was a thread I hadn't touched yet. I mean, you know my story, you know I'm single and why. But I hadn't made my way over here yet.


----------



## RandomDude

SCDad01 said:


> Yeah that’s one of the worst things about being recently single/divorced. The non sexual affection. A random hook up is easy to find. But cuddling, laying together watching tv, etc. I miss that and knowing it will take a while to find that again sucks.


I'm been trying to rewire my brain to negatively associate it somehow so I won't keep desiring it. 

I'll rewire it back if I do find someone I can tolerate and trust again, but I doubt I will for a while, I'm just too done and I need another work encounter to crush on cause it's the only way love can reach me! But I haven't even been working much 😅

Ah the hermit life!


----------



## Bulfrog1987

RandomDude said:


> I'm been trying to rewire my brain to negatively associate it somehow so I won't keep desiring it.
> 
> I'll rewire it back if I do find someone I can tolerate and trust again, but I doubt I will for a while, I'm just too done and I need another work encounter to crush on cause it's the only way love can reach me! But I haven't even been working much 😅
> 
> Ah the hermit life!


Struggling deeply with this myself. It’s not that I’m afraid to be alone.. idk. But it sucks.


----------



## Not

This single chick is going to the beach with her kid this evening! My D27 and I will be out to try and capture more of this. 😍


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> This single chick is going to the beach with her kid this evening! My D27 and I will be out to try and capture more of this. 😍
> View attachment 91177


Oh YESSSSS!!!!!   

Just looking at the picture makes me happy!!!! ENJOY!!!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> This single chick is going to the beach with her kid this evening! My D27 and I will be out to try and capture more of this. 😍
> View attachment 91177


Looking great, Not!

Enjoy yourself this evening!


----------



## Not

I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲
> View attachment 91198


6’4” 30 year old lumberjack? 

Well done, Not. 


Well done.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲
> View attachment 91198


Where do I swipe!!!!


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> This single chick is going to the beach with her kid this evening! My D27 and I will be out to try and capture more of this. 😍
> View attachment 91177


Great picture!!!!!


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲
> View attachment 91198


Pro sex and an easy, inexpensive date. Yeah, I have no idea why men are coming out of the woodwork!😂😋


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲


Thought for a moment that I would plagiarize your dating profile, then I came to the realization that it most likely wouldn't work in reverse if a man said these things. 🤣 

Well, unless of course I want to get hit up by a 30 year old 6'4" lumberjack, but I don't think I would enjoy that at the end of the night.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Thought for a moment that I would plagiarize your dating profile, then I came to the realization that it most likely wouldn't work in reverse if a man said these things. 🤣
> 
> Well, unless of course I want to get hit up by a 30 year old 6'4" lumberjack, but I don't think I would enjoy that at the end of the night.


I hadn’t thought of it and actually think it might be a great idea. I meant every word of it but thought I’m coming off like man, like these are things a man would say lol!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I hadn’t thought of it and actually think it might be a great idea. I meant every word of it but thought that I sounded like a man lol!


Yeah, I'm gonna have to side with Conan on this. 

ice cream, a walk and some great sex. 

So who do I sign my soul over to? Where's the dotted line?


----------



## RandomDude

I'm trying to keep my sex drive suppressed, if I get horny again and pass the threshold like last time... 😖

Always found it ironic though, the more I dated 'normally' the less I scored with all the overthinking and qualifying.

Yet all I really did to get a home run was thinking with my balls for a night forgetting everything else.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲
> View attachment 91198


Ra ra rasputin...









Boney M. - Rasputin


Best Dance Performances #shortsSubscribe to see more




youtube.com


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Ra ra rasputin...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Boney M. - Rasputin
> 
> 
> Best Dance Performances #shortsSubscribe to see more
> 
> 
> 
> 
> youtube.com


That dude can dance!


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲


Wasn't the fact that mentioning sex brings out the men common knowledge among women? Lol!!

I would say you should consider a fling with the 30yr old, especially if you really like him, it could be Not Gets Her Groove Back!!! Unless you are only looking for a long-term partner and he is not...but he might really be interested in you for that too, there are some younger guys who are attracted to older women and want to really be with them!! If you guys hit it off, you could have something special with him!


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> Wasn't the fact that mentioning sex brings out the men common knowledge among women? Lol!!


I know lol! But on a dating app? I’m experimenting with this, sort of tinkering to see what the results are. It appears that bumble has a lot of sugar babies lol! All these 20 somethings have me raising an eyebrow. 😳



> I would say you should consider a fling with the 30yr old, especially if you really like him, it could be Not Gets Her Groove Back!!! Unless you are only looking for a long-term partner and he is not...but he might really be interested in you for that too, there are some younger guys who are attracted to older women and want to really be with them!! If you guys hit it off, you could have something special with him!


Dammit, I closed the door on that idea this morning but now you have me looking at him again. 😁 I just can’t though because I’m imagining the look on my 27-year-old daughter‘s face when I tell her the new guy I’m seeing is 30! 😆


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’m at it again and I think this is enough evidence to prove that if you’re a woman and you mention being pro-sex in your dating profile you’re going to get alot of love lol! Bumble this time. The young guys are coming out of the shadows. One is really tempting, 6’4 lumberjack but 30 years old, right here in town. Damn, if he was 40 I’d go for it. 🥲
> View attachment 91198


Unfortunately that's a good way to attract ****bois.

Good luck!


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Unfortunately that's a good way to attract ****bois.
> 
> Good luck!


I’m well aware. I’m sure at least half them are after that.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’m well aware. I’m sure at least half them are after that.


Sounds like a certain kitty wants to play... Meow, darling.


----------



## Not

Going on my first date in what feels like months. I don’t know how long it’s been actually, last one obviously not very memorable. We’re going out for cupcakes! There is a designer cupcake shop here in town I love but very rarely visit. So off I go Saturday evening!


----------



## minimalME

What a lovely idea! You really can't go wrong with cake. 😌


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Going on my first date in what feels like months. I don’t know how long it’s been actually, last one obviously not very memorable. We’re going out for cupcakes! There is a designer cupcake shop here in town I love but very rarely visit. So off I go Saturday evening!


Have fun! And come report afterwards!



minimalME said:


> What a lovely idea! You really can't go wrong with cake. 😌


Damn you! Now I want cake.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Going on my first date in what feels like months. I don’t know how long it’s been actually, last one obviously not very memorable. We’re going out for cupcakes! There is a designer cupcake shop here in town I love but very rarely visit. So off I go Saturday evening!


Good luck! Let’s get some positive feedback!


----------



## RandomDude

Men once they read @Not 's profile:


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Men once they read @Not 's profile:


Ok. I'll say it.

This joke went right over my head. Sorry to be that guy.

I don't understand why a man would crash through a window after reading Not's profile.


Regardless - I am glad she has picked up the torch (for all of us) and continues to trudge forward in the dating world!


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Ok. I'll say it.
> 
> This joke went right over my head. Sorry to be that guy.
> 
> I don't understand why a man would crash through a window after reading Not's profile.
> 
> 
> Regardless - I am glad she has picked up the torch (for all of us) and continues to trudge forward in the dating world!


Erm, few pages back, that's what we have even discussing lol, bc her profile has become more sex positive. Guys can't do that btw 😋


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Erm, few pages back, that's what we have even discussing lol, bc her profile has become more sex positive. Guys can't do that btw 😋


maybe not, but I'm gonna give it the ol' college try. 🤣


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> maybe not, but I'm gonna give it the ol' college try. 🤣


If you mention sex in your profile, you will be labeled as a predator immediately 🤣


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> If you mention sex in your profile, you will be labeled as a predator immediately 🤣


HELL YES! Even better!


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> HELL YES! Even better!
> 
> View attachment 91361


That thing gave me nightmares as a kid!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> That thing gave me nightmares as a kid!


Sorry, not sorry. 

RebuildingMe just called me the Predator. 

I’m embracing this.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> RebuildingMe just called me the Predator.
> 
> I’m embracing this.


So you want women (or people in general) to run screaming from you?

Carry on...


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> So you want women (or people in general) to run screaming from you?
> 
> Carry on...


If I look as badass as the Predator?

Yes.

I would accept this curse.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> If I look as badass as the Predator?
> 
> Yes.
> 
> I would accept this curse.


Yeah, but who wants to bonk Predator? Priorities...


----------



## RandomDude

He just has to keep his mask on duh! 😋


----------



## Bulfrog1987

I got on tinder a few days ago. Terrible idea. I am indeed not ready for all that. Turned it off and offloaded it.


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> Yeah, but who wants to bonk Predator? Priorities...


Hmmm....not gonna lie I might not kick him out of bed, depending on the dry spell. 

My update is that once again my boyfriend had to move away from Portland (he has moved and come back once before). I don't really want to do a long distance thing so we are technically broken up. Although we will see what happens if he moves back again in another year, who knows. He and I will always care very much for each other. 

I don't want to put any effort into dating anyone new. I have changed my hair, so even if I did want to fire up the apps again I would have to take all new pictures so - meh, that's just too much effort. If someone cool turned up in my life and asked me out I would consider it but that's kind of like getting struck by lightning since I rarely go anywhere. I don't meet any new people ever, it seems.

Sorry such a boring update! Wish I had more exciting news, but at least some of you are getting a date here and there to keep this thread alive!


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> Hmmm....not gonna lie I might not kick him out of bed, depending on the dry spell.


😋😂

Love your update and thanks for the laugh!👍


----------



## RebuildingMe

This thread is getting so depressing I think I’m going to call the ex gf and see what’s up.


----------



## ConanHub

Hey single ladies.

Mrs. Conan has recently gotten on a fitness site that has exercises and people trying to achieve fitness goals.

There seem to be a large number of men trying to use the site for a dating app. Have any of you ran into this?

Mrs. C is getting hit on like crazy!😵‍💫


----------



## Faithful Wife

RebuildingMe said:


> This thread is getting so depressing I think I’m going to call the ex gf and see what’s up.


Yikes dude, are you joking? Don't do it. Just don't.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Good luck! Let’s get some positive feedback!


Feeling kinda hopeful with this one! It’s been 2 1/2 years since I last connected with someone. I’m ready.




Faithful Wife said:


> Hmmm....not gonna lie I might not kick him out of bed, depending on the dry spell.
> 
> My update is that once again my boyfriend had to move away from Portland (he has moved and come back once before). I don't really want to do a long distance thing so we are technically broken up. Although we will see what happens if he moves back again in another year, who knows. He and I will always care very much for each other.
> 
> I don't want to put any effort into dating anyone new. I have changed my hair, so even if I did want to fire up the apps again I would have to take all new pictures so - meh, that's just too much effort. If someone cool turned up in my life and asked me out I would consider it but that's kind of like getting struck by lightning since I rarely go anywhere. I don't meet any new people ever, it seems.
> 
> Sorry such a boring update! Wish I had more exciting news, but at least some of you are getting a date here and there to keep this thread alive!


Welcome back FW!


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> Hmmm....not gonna lie I might not kick him out of bed, depending on the dry spell.
> 
> My update is that once again my boyfriend had to move away from Portland (he has moved and come back once before). I don't really want to do a long distance thing so we are technically broken up. Although we will see what happens if he moves back again in another year, who knows. He and I will always care very much for each other.
> 
> I don't want to put any effort into dating anyone new. I have changed my hair, so even if I did want to fire up the apps again I would have to take all new pictures so - meh, that's just too much effort. If someone cool turned up in my life and asked me out I would consider it but that's kind of like getting struck by lightning since I rarely go anywhere. I don't meet any new people ever, it seems.
> 
> Sorry such a boring update! Wish I had more exciting news, but at least some of you are getting a date here and there to keep this thread alive!


Hey! It's great to see you back, even with disappointing news. I'm sorry he had to move away again 😔. 

What color are you sporting lately? I can't say I blame you not wanting to put yourself out there again. If my bf and I don't make it, I probably wouldn't bother again either, he's raised the bar for me, it's so easy and great.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> Hey single ladies.
> 
> Mrs. Conan has recently gotten on a fitness site that has exercises and people trying to achieve fitness goals.
> 
> There seem to be a large number of men trying to use the site for a dating app. Have any of you ran into this?
> 
> Mrs. C is getting hit on like crazy!😵‍💫


Men are thirsty everywhere. I see people complaining about it all the time on the Next-door app! I removed my picture to avoid it.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Men are thirsty everywhere. I see people complaining about it all the time on the Next-door app! I removed my picture to avoid it.


Thanks for the response. She's considering putting a picture of us together to see if it reduces the frisky behavior.

It seems weird to me that randos are trying to shoot their shot like this.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> Thanks for the response. She's considering putting a picture of us together to see if it reduces the frisky behavior.
> 
> It seems weird to me that randos are trying to shoot their shot like this.


It won't. She might get them asking to tag team with you.


----------



## TXTrini

TXTrini said:


> It won't. She might get them asking to tag team with you.


Dude, you don't want to know some of the **** that happens. I remember reading about rampant cheating on the myfitnesspal board that started with thirsty messages.


----------



## minimalME

Thirsty. 😂


----------



## RandomDude

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I got on tinder a few days ago. Terrible idea. I am indeed not ready for all that. Turned it off and offloaded it.


Tinder is like the worst of all swipe apps 😅



RebuildingMe said:


> This thread is getting so depressing I think I’m going to call the ex gf and see what’s up.


There's likely nothing back there either mate, you know this


----------



## TXTrini

minimalME said:


> Thirsty. 😂


Girl, if you saw the messages, you'd understand the label.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Dude, you don't want to know some of the **** that happens. I remember reading about rampant cheating on the myfitnesspal board that started with thirsty messages.


That's insane. Are random women doing this as well?

I'm not on any exercise sites so I wouldn't know.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> That's insane. Are random women doing this as well?
> 
> I'm not on any exercise sites so I wouldn't know.


I dunno, you'd have to ask men if they get hit on like that.


----------



## RandomDude

Women will get hit on wherever 🙄

Also why I'm very cautious if I approach a woman organically, my gut must give me the greenlight that she's attracted to me otherwise not happening.

Not going to add myself to the masses of her admirers, too much pride!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I dunno, you'd have to ask men if they get hit on like that.


I do!


No…. No I don’t. 😥


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> I do!
> 
> 
> No…. No I don’t. 😥


SILLY!!!!! Lol!! You have to open yourself up to the possibility first!
I am sure that once you actually put yourself out there, YOU WILL!!


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> I dunno, you'd have to ask men if they get hit on like that.


We do!


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> I dunno, you'd have to ask men if they get hit on like that.


I'm going to hazard a guess that it's mostly men trying to hit on anything with a xx chromosome combination.😋


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> I do!
> 
> 
> No…. No I don’t. 😥


Well get on an exercise app you studly single guy and do some research for this barbarian!😉


Numb26 said:


> We do!


Do tell, I'm curious.😎


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Well get on an exercise app you studly single guy and do some research for this barbarian!😉
> 
> 
> Do tell, I'm curious.😎


So many gym groupies. LOL Why I stopped going and built my own.

"On Thursdays we do arms! Because if you want a girl with daddy issues jerkin you till you need a tissue, your arms better be swole!"


----------



## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> So many gym groupies. LOL Why I stopped going and built my own.
> 
> "On Thursdays we do arms! Because if you want a girl with daddy issues jerkin you till you need a tissue, your arms better be swole!"


Now that's interesting, and funny as hell.😋

I've never really been hit on in a gym situation. Gotten looks and smiles but no ladies ever took their shot when I'm working out.

Now Mrs. C has been hit on fairly often at the gym.


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Now that's interesting, and funny as hell.😋
> 
> I've never really been hit on in a gym situation. Gotten looks and smiles but no ladies ever took their shot when I'm working out.
> 
> Now Mrs. C has been hit on fairly often at the gym.


Not saying it happened all the time but it did happen enough.


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> Not saying it happened all the time but it did happen enough.


Men stopped approaching me in the gym when I was younger after seeing me load my own leg press machine after they asked if they could help😆. Fine with me! 

These days I have a home setup that's good enough for my needs.


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> Men stopped approaching me in the gym when I was younger after seeing me load my own leg press machine after they asked if they could help😆. Fine with me!
> 
> These days I have a home setup that's good enough for my needs.


Hence why I'm scared of you. 🤪


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> Well get on an exercise app you studly single guy and do some research for this barbarian!😉
> 
> 
> Do tell, I'm curious.😎


I do all of my exercise at home. 

I’m reminded of your “gains” picture from a few years back. 

I’m very much the same build as you (I’m a big boy), just with black hair and a large Italian nose. 🤣

But I better not put my face on TAM. 😂


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> I do all of my exercise at home.
> 
> I’m reminded of your “gains” picture from a few years back.
> 
> I’m very much the same build as you (I’m a big boy), just with black hair and a large Italian nose. 🤣
> 
> But I better not put my face on TAM. 😂


Big noses rock!😎

You don't have to use the exercise site, just see if you get hit on.👍


----------



## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> Hence why I'm scared of you. 🤪


Oh, I'm actually attracted to women who at least have a chance of doing me in. Death by thighs doesn't seem so bad to this barbarian.😋


----------



## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Oh, I'm actually attracted to women who at least have a chance of doing me in. Death by thighs doesn't seem so bad to this barbarian.😋


Mom told me to stay away from dangerous women. 😉


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> Oh, I'm actually attracted to women who at least have a chance of doing me in. Death by thighs doesn't seem so bad to this barbarian.😋


That is so interesting. 

I’ve often said that if a woman suffocated me with her large natural breasts during a motorboat session… well then I went out doing what I loved the most. It was a good life.


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> That is so interesting.
> 
> I’ve often said that if a woman suffocated me with her large natural breasts during a motorboat session… well then I went out doing what I loved the most. It was a good life.


Hahahaha! Hell yeah!


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> Hence why I'm scared of you. 🤪


I look harmless!


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> I look harmless!


Those that looks harmless.....aren't. 🙂


----------



## TexasMom1216

TXTrini said:


> I look harmless!


The penguins are my favorite. I would leave my husband for Skipper.


----------



## ConanHub

Numb26 said:


> Mom told me to stay away from dangerous women. 😉


My mom was a dangerous woman so no help for me.😉


----------



## TXTrini

TexasMom1216 said:


> The penguins are my favorite. I would leave my husband for Skipper.


Me too! I've got his plushie at my desk.


----------



## Not

Date went well. No physical attraction on my side of it but he’s a really decent person who is also extremely photogenic! He looks 10 times better in his pictures and all his pics are recent.

He was texting me pictures he took last night while we were on the phone and the camera loves him. So this isn’t one of those situations where he shared older pictures or tried to hide anything. This isn’t going to do him any favors when he’s out meeting women. I’ve had this happen with one other man. He was a super hotty in his pictures and just average when we met. It was the strangest experience lol!

Really nice guy though and very easy to talk to so I’m going to tell him to keep in touch if he wants and we can shoot the **** anytime he wants.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Date went well. No physical attraction on my side of it but he’s a really decent person who is also extremely photogenic! He looks 10 times better in his pictures and all his pics are recent.
> 
> He was texting me pictures he took last night while we were on the phone and the camera loves him. So this isn’t one of those situations where he shared older pictures or tried to hide anything. This isn’t going to do him any favors when he’s out meeting women. I’ve had this happen with one other man. He was a super hotty in his pictures and just average when we met. It was the strangest experience lol!
> 
> Really nice guy though and very easy to talk to so I’m going to tell him to keep in touch if he wants and we can shoot the **** anytime he wants.


It’s all about looks??


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s all about looks??


Nope. The issue with the pictures just really stood out. By a lot. Honestly I felt like I’ve known the guy for a long time because the conversation was that easy but there was absolutely no attraction. I don’t know what it is but there’s just this certain something that some men have and he doesn’t have it. The best way I can describe it is a quiet confidence.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Nope. The issue with the pictures just really stood out. By a lot. Honestly I felt like I’ve known the guy for a long time because the conversation was that easy but there was absolutely no attraction. I don’t know what it is but there’s just this certain something that some men have and he doesn’t have it. The best way I can describe it is a quiet confidence.


I know exactly what you mean. They don't need to broadcast it, it just exudes from them.

I'm glad you had a good time! Pity there was no spark, any chance it's a slow burn? Isn't it worth a shot if you're that comfortable though?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I know exactly what you mean. They don't need to broadcast it, it just exudes from them.
> 
> I'm glad you had a good time! Pity there was no spark, any chance it's a slow burn? Isn't it worth a shot if you're that comfortable though?


No, I’m going to pass. I’m in no rush. I’m following my gut and feel like I’ll know when I know.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s all about looks??


To get that initial attraction and move forward from there? Absolutely. 

I will never be offended by a man or a woman saying, “this person just doesn’t have what I’m looking for.” No one wants to wake up next to a person every morning that they are not attracted to. 

I know there are some people out there that can somehow create a romantic relationship with someone they aren’t immediately physically attracted to. That’s cool. I’m not one of those people and I don’t think most people are either. 

If I wish for women to not be offended that I am not attracted to them unless their body type is at least somewhat close to what I like (and honestly, I like A LOT if different women), then I’m certainly not going to hold it against women if they feel the same way.


----------



## Not

Looks is something I think about a lot. 2 1/2 years ago Tank won me over and I wasn’t all that physically attracted to him but we had talked so much over the phone before we met that we had connected mentally. We were already like really good friends. I valued him in ways that went beyond the physical.

He’s the kind who would have hit the gym as soon as he and I broke up to get back in shape for his next woman. I’m sure he’s looking really good now compared to what he looked like when I left him but that’s the thing, I had no problem with how he looked at the end. He was probably 20-25 pounds heavier by the end. I loved him chubb and all.

I know that if I were to see him now I wouldn’t be impressed one bit because I know him. It would be all surface level hullabaloo to me.

I think about all of this as I’m looking at these men’s profiles. I want someone who cares about their health and well-being but I also know that I can and will love someone who’s not perfect or even conventionally good looking.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> No, I’m going to pass. I’m in no rush. I’m following my gut and feel like I’ll know when I know.


Fair enough. Sometimes you just know.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> To get that initial attraction and move forward from there? Absolutely.
> 
> I will never be offended by a man or a woman saying, “this person just doesn’t have what I’m looking for.” No one wants to wake up next to a person every morning that they are not attracted to.
> 
> I know there are some people out there that can somehow create a romantic relationship with someone they aren’t immediately physically attracted to. That’s cool. I’m not one of those people and I don’t think most people are either.
> 
> If I wish for women to not be offended that I am not attracted to them unless their body type is at least somewhat close to what I like (and honestly, I like A LOT if different women), then I’m certainly not going to hold it against women if they feel the same way.


I personally don't get butthurt about not being someone's type, it's only irritating when they go on and on about it. Or get vulgar, then that's downright disgusting and immature. Though come to one of it, that's not a bad thing, because it makes me grateful not to be thier type 😆


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I personally don't get butthurt about not being someone's type, it's only irritating when they go on and on about it. Or get vulgar, then that's downright disgusting and immature.


😬😬😬

🫣


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Date went well. No physical attraction on my side of it but he’s a really decent person who is also extremely photogenic! He looks 10 times better in his pictures and all his pics are recent.
> 
> He was texting me pictures he took last night while we were on the phone and the camera loves him. So this isn’t one of those situations where he shared older pictures or tried to hide anything. This isn’t going to do him any favors when he’s out meeting women. I’ve had this happen with one other man. He was a super hotty in his pictures and just average when we met. It was the strangest experience lol!
> 
> Really nice guy though and very easy to talk to so I’m going to tell him to keep in touch if he wants and we can shoot the **** anytime he wants.


If you think men catfishing is bad, you should try women with all the camera tricks, filters, and makeup and what not! 

Several dates I have to pretend I recognise them! "You look better than your photos" complimented one woman, yet I was only thinking "if only I could say the same"!!!! 😑


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I personally don't get butthurt about not being someone's type, it's only irritating when they go on and on about it. Or get vulgar, then that's downright disgusting and immature. Though come to one of it, that's not a bad thing, because it makes me grateful not to be thier type 😆


I try to be graceful about it. Still go on the whole date and pay for it and not even mention it. Why should I? No woman needs to hear that.

Still I noticed with my split attractions I can be sexually attracted to their body while not romantically attracted at all due to their face or vice versa.

Honestly, I've never really truly had both it seems.


----------



## Affaircare

LATERILUS79 said:


> To get that initial attraction and move forward from there? Absolutely.
> 
> I will never be offended by a man or a woman saying, “this person just doesn’t have what I’m looking for.” No one wants to wake up next to a person every morning that they are not attracted to.
> 
> I know there are some people out there that can somehow create a romantic relationship with someone they aren’t immediately physically attracted to. That’s cool. I’m not one of those people and I don’t think most people are either.
> 
> If I wish for women to not be offended that I am not attracted to them unless their body type is at least somewhat close to what I like (and honestly, I like A LOT if different women), then I’m certainly not going to hold it against women if they feel the same way.


Okay so I have a question for you single folks. I "get it" that there has to be somethng that is initially attractive about the person to pique your interest. But we also all know that as we age, looks fade! I mean, who are the most beautiful women in the world, and when they hit 50s and 60s they have to either work REALLY hard at their looks or learn to live with the wrinkles and gray. I guess I'm a little surprised at choosing people for that initial date based on their looks. 

After my D from exH and before I married Dear Hubby (tanelornpete)...I was single for 4 years. I did try OLD and it was just NOT my gig!! I felt like I was judging people based on something so superficial, and like vice versa I'd be judged based on something so superficial! I found most of the guys I dated on OLD had the attitude of "Well, I paid for your dinner, now you owe me some sex..." and I said a hard hell no to that! So in the end, I dated one guy from my yoga class (he was a kind person and we had a common interest), and another guy I had a crush on fro the coffee shop (I finally just told him one day I had a crush and asked him out). None turned out to be Dear Hubby --LOL-- but all were a much better way to meet someone for me. 

Yep, there was that initial thing that caught my eye, but I don't think it was 100% "their looks" so much as they were neat people who I wanted to spend more time with, and oh yeah their exterior was pleasing-to-the-eye too. And just the time I think 'I like tall men' I meet someone who awesome and short. Just the time I think 'I like those warm, brown eyes' I meet a guy with cool, deep, blue eyes. Just when I think I like barrel-chested football players, I meet a guy who's a sturdy little wrestler. I mean, muscles fade...hair falls out or goes gray...wrinkles appear at the corner of the eye. If my interest is based on their looks... I don't get that. I want my interest to be interest in THEM as a person, and their heart and mind. That way looks can fade and the heart and mind continue.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Nope. The issue with the pictures just really stood out. By a lot. Honestly I felt like I’ve known the guy for a long time because the conversation was that easy but there was absolutely no attraction. I don’t know what it is but there’s just this certain something that some men have and he doesn’t have it. The best way I can describe it is a quiet confidence.


That's a bummer but I know exactly what you mean.




Not said:


> Looks is something I think about a lot. [Snip]
> 
> I think about all of this as I’m looking at these men’s profiles. I want someone who cares about their health and well-being but I also know that I can and will love someone who’s not perfect or even conventionally good looking.


I struggled with this as well. I kept hearing "don't focus so much on physical appearance", "give him a chance", and "attraction can build over time" but as someone who is very visual, I just can't do it. I relate to men. They (especially those using online dating) will never give a woman who they do not find physically attractive the time of day. Once I realized this, I stopped feeling guilty for choosing to only date men who pinged _my_ physical attraction meter (I know what I like).


----------



## Numb26

Lila said:


> That's a bummer but I know exactly what you mean.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I struggled with this as well. I kept hearing "don't focus so much on physical appearance", "give him a chance", and "attraction can build over time" but as someone who is very visual, I just can't do it. I relate to men. They (especially those using online dating) will never give a woman who they do not find physically attractive the time of day. Once I realized this, I stopped feeling guilty for choosing to only date men who pinged _my_ physical attraction meter (I know what I like).


Initial attraction is ALWAYS visual. Once a person understands that dating gets easier. Seems that we both learned this lesson.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Affaircare said:


> Okay so I have a question for you single folks....


I don't know how it works for other people, but if I am not physically and sexually attracted to someone, I will simply not be turned on by them and won't want to have sex with them. There is no amount of liking who someone is that will make my sex drive churn up for someone I'm not attracted to.

If I'm attracted to them AND I like who they are, that's an excellent bonus! If I'm attracted to them and I don't like who they are, I will lose that physical attraction to them immediately (if they are ugly on the inside I will see their outsides as ugly as well no matter what they look like). If I'm attracted to them but we don't really match well for other reasons, I still won't want to proceed or have sex with them. The physical attraction by itself isn't enough, but it does have to be present.

And on the flip side, I would not want to date or be with anyone who didn't find me attractive physically and sexually either. Like I would never say "oh cool, he's not attracted to me but he likes who I am so it doesn't matter!" It definitely does matter.


----------



## Lila

Numb26 said:


> Initial attraction is ALWAYS visual. Once a person understands that dating gets easier. Seems that we both learned this lesson.


I do agree with your statement but I also agree with @Affaircare that none of us are able to stop the aging process. I think in my case, the kind of man I find attractive now is not the same as when I was 20 or 30 or even 40. My tastes have matured, and continue to mature, as I get older but I certainly have a type that I will always be more attracted to at every age.


----------



## RebuildingMe

I also agree that visual attraction is very important. There is a body type that is very important to me. However, i’m also realizing that compatibility is equally as important.


----------



## Numb26

Lila said:


> I do agree with your statement but I also agree with @Affaircare that none of us are able to stop the aging process. I think in my case, the kind of man I find attractive now is not the same as when I was 20 or 30 or even 40. My tastes have matured, and continue to mature, as I get older but I certainly have a type that I will always be more attracted to at every age.


Mine tastes have changed as well but the fact remains is still visual that attracts no matter what the age. Why? Because you know nothing about someone you just met beyond what they look like.

Edit: I have a type too that will never change either


----------



## LATERILUS79

Affaircare said:


> Okay so I have a question for you single folks. I "get it" that there has to be somethng that is initially attractive about the person to pique your interest. But we also all know that as we age, looks fade! I mean, who are the most beautiful women in the world, and when they hit 50s and 60s they have to either work REALLY hard at their looks or learn to live with the wrinkles and gray. I guess I'm a little surprised at choosing people for that initial date based on their looks.
> 
> After my D from exH and before I married Dear Hubby (tanelornpete)...I was single for 4 years. I did try OLD and it was just NOT my gig!! I felt like I was judging people based on something so superficial, and like vice versa I'd be judged based on something so superficial! I found most of the guys I dated on OLD had the attitude of "Well, I paid for your dinner, now you owe me some sex..." and I said a hard hell no to that! So in the end, I dated one guy from my yoga class (he was a kind person and we had a common interest), and another guy I had a crush on fro the coffee shop (I finally just told him one day I had a crush and asked him out). None turned out to be Dear Hubby --LOL-- but all were a much better way to meet someone for me.
> 
> Yep, there was that initial thing that caught my eye, but I don't think it was 100% "their looks" so much as they were neat people who I wanted to spend more time with, and oh yeah their exterior was pleasing-to-the-eye too. And just the time I think 'I like tall men' I meet someone who awesome and short. Just the time I think 'I like those warm, brown eyes' I meet a guy with cool, deep, blue eyes. Just when I think I like barrel-chested football players, I meet a guy who's a sturdy little wrestler. I mean, muscles fade...hair falls out or goes gray...wrinkles appear at the corner of the eye. If my interest is based on their looks... I don't get that. I want my interest to be interest in THEM as a person, and their heart and mind. That way looks can fade and the heart and mind continue.


I don’t have a hard and fast requirements for looks. In my opinion, most women have fairly attractive faces. 

Age has nothing to do with taking care of oneself. 

Age has nothing to do with how sexy someone is. That wonderful “walk” all you women with hips do? Yeah….. that never goes away. 

I see women my age and older with the body type that I love the most. 

Lastly, as I age, I find women my age to be the most attractive to me. Plain and simple. 


I’m not going to speak for other men, but that is how I see physical attractiveness. If a woman possesses some of the things I mentioned, I’m gonna be lookin’.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't know how it works for other people, but if I am not physically and sexually attracted to someone, I will simply not be turned on by them and won't want to have sex with them. There is no amount of liking who someone is that will make my sex drive churn up for someone I'm not attracted to.
> 
> If I'm attracted to them AND I like who they are, that's an excellent bonus! If I'm attracted to them and I don't like who they are, I will lose that physical attraction to them immediately (if they are ugly on the inside I will see their outsides as ugly as well no matter what they look like). If I'm attracted to them but we don't really match well for other reasons, I still won't want to proceed or have sex with them. The physical attraction by itself isn't enough, but it does have to be present.
> 
> And on the flip side, I would not want to date or be with anyone who didn't find me attractive physically and sexually either. Like I would never say "oh cool, he's not attracted to me but he likes who I am so it doesn't matter!" It definitely does matter.


It's the age old argument of sparks vs slow burn.

I know several women who admitted they were not initially sexually/physically attracted to their guy but gave the relationship time to build. I don't know any man who can say the same but that's not to say they aren't out there. 

I am definitely a sparks gal. I've experimented with slow burn but it's never worked out for me. If I can't get excited imagining myself sexually interacting with my date, then it's a no go for me.


----------



## Lila

Numb26 said:


> Mine tastes have changed as well but the fact remains is still visual that attracts no matter what the age. Why? Because you know nothing about someone you just met beyond what they look like.
> 
> Edit: I have a type too that will never change either


Yes, you are correct, especially with online dating where the only thing you have to go off are a handful of photographs. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so superficial but when in Rome.......🤷‍♀️.


----------



## Numb26

Lila said:


> Yes, you are correct, especially with online dating where the only thing you have to go off are a handful of photographs.
> 
> Sometimes I wish I wasn't so superficial but when in Rome.......🤷‍♀️.


Dont be hard on yourself for it. We are human, some things in our DNA will never change. It's genetic, initial attraction of a mate is biologically visual.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> It's the age old argument of sparks vs slow burn.
> 
> I know several women who admitted they were not initially sexually/physically attracted to their guy but gave the relationship time to build. I don't know any man who can say the same but that's not to say they aren't out there.
> 
> I am definitely a sparks gal. I've experimented with slow burn but it's never worked out for me. If I can't get excited imagining myself sexually interacting with my date, then it's a no go for me.


Also it is funny when on the one hand, we get called superficial because physical attraction matters to us, but then on the other hand in some cases I've dated guys who my friends are like "him?"

Just because I am physically attracted to someone doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to see him the same way I do. I just know something happens in my body and in my spirit that makes me want to flirt and flip my hair around some men, and I call them physically attractive but most people might not see it.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Faithful Wife said:


> Also it is funny when on the one hand, we get called superficial because physical attraction matters to us, but then on the other hand in some cases I've dated guys who my friends are like "him?"
> 
> Just because I am physically attracted to someone doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to see him the same way I do. I just know something happens in my body and in my spirit that makes me want to flirt and flip my hair around some men, and I call them physically attractive but most people might not see it.


When you reach a certain age, I don’t GAF about what my friends or family say. If I find them attractive, that’s all that matters. Now if I have some weird “Shallow Hal” thing going on, I’d want someone to tell me 🤣


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> Now if I have some weird “Shallow Hal” thing going on, I’d want someone to tell me



Why? You should be allowed to like whatever you like.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Why? You should be allowed to like whatever you like.


It was a joke. Of course I can like anyone I want.


----------



## Numb26

RebuildingMe said:


> It was a joke. Of course I can like anyone I want.


Remember when we were younger and the term "moped"? 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> If you think men catfishing is bad, you should try women with all the camera tricks, filters, and makeup and what not!
> 
> Several dates I have to pretend I recognise them! "You look better than your photos" complimented one woman, yet I was only thinking "if only I could say the same"!!!! 😑


Reminds me of a date I had back in February. The man was really scoping out my face, like microscopically lol! He said, you’re not wearing any make up? I was wearing a little bit of eyeliner and mascara but that’s all I use so that’s what I told him. Said he had yet to be on a date with someone who hadn’t used filtered pictures or tons of war paint for the date lol! I was the first ~fist pump~! 😂


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> If you think men catfishing is bad, you should try women with all the camera tricks, filters, and makeup and what not!
> 
> Several dates I have to pretend I recognise them! "You look better than your photos" complimented one woman, yet I was only thinking "if only I could say the same"!!!! 😑


You know, I've never understood why anyone does that, do they think people are stupid and won't know? Maybe if people completely ignored profiles with any kind of filters, they'd stop doing it. 



RandomDude said:


> I try to be graceful about it. Still go on the whole date and pay for it and not even mention it. Why should I? No woman needs to hear that.
> 
> Still I noticed with my split attractions I can be sexually attracted to their body while not romantically attracted at all due to their face or vice versa.
> 
> Honestly, I've never really truly had both it seems.


With all your requirements though, you really should stick to in-person dating.


----------



## Not

Affaircare said:


> Okay so I have a question for you single folks. I "get it" that there has to be somethng that is initially attractive about the person to pique your interest. But we also all know that as we age, looks fade! I mean, who are the most beautiful women in the world, and when they hit 50s and 60s they have to either work REALLY hard at their looks or learn to live with the wrinkles and gray. I guess I'm a little surprised at choosing people for that initial date based on their looks.
> 
> After my D from exH and before I married Dear Hubby (tanelornpete)...I was single for 4 years. I did try OLD and it was just NOT my gig!! I felt like I was judging people based on something so superficial, and like vice versa I'd be judged based on something so superficial! I found most of the guys I dated on OLD had the attitude of "Well, I paid for your dinner, now you owe me some sex..." and I said a hard hell no to that! So in the end, I dated one guy from my yoga class (he was a kind person and we had a common interest), and another guy I had a crush on fro the coffee shop (I finally just told him one day I had a crush and asked him out). None turned out to be Dear Hubby --LOL-- but all were a much better way to meet someone for me.
> 
> Yep, there was that initial thing that caught my eye, but I don't think it was 100% "their looks" so much as they were neat people who I wanted to spend more time with, and oh yeah their exterior was pleasing-to-the-eye too. And just the time I think 'I like tall men' I meet someone who awesome and short. Just the time I think 'I like those warm, brown eyes' I meet a guy with cool, deep, blue eyes. Just when I think I like barrel-chested football players, I meet a guy who's a sturdy little wrestler. I mean, muscles fade...hair falls out or goes gray...wrinkles appear at the corner of the eye. If my interest is based on their looks... I don't get that. I want my interest to be interest in THEM as a person, and their heart and mind. That way looks can fade and the heart and mind continue.


All of this has me looking very closely at these men’s pictures. And what I find funny is I can be friends with anyone so I know it would be very easy to be friends with all of them but I’m not physically attracted to 99% of them because they’re in my age group and they aren’t looking so great anymore. So initially physical attraction is going to be absent but I know beyond doubt that after becoming friends it would be so easy to fall for any number of these men. That’s the funny quirky part of all of this. It’s so much easier to fall for someone once you know them. That’s when the physical aspect fades into the background. I just have a ton of trouble getting past that initial physical attraction.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> That's a bummer but I know exactly what you mean.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I struggled with this as well. I kept hearing "don't focus so much on physical appearance", "give him a chance", and "attraction can build over time" but as someone who is very visual, I just can't do it. I relate to men. They (especially those using online dating) will never give a woman who they do not find physically attractive the time of day. Once I realized this, I stopped feeling guilty for choosing to only date men who pinged _my_ physical attraction meter (I know what I like).


I’m visual as well and while I’m somewhat fluid in what I’m physically attracted to I have trouble getting past the men who have not aged well. It does seem hypocritical because I am 50 years old lol! But like you, I have a lot of trouble with it. And you can’t fake something like that. Knowing that the other person finds you physically desirable is important to each and every one of us but I just cannot fake it. Oh but I love your personality, is just so insulting.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Reminds me of a date I had back in February. The man was really scoping out my face, like microscopically lol! He said, you’re not wearing any make up? I was wearing a little bit of eyeliner and mascara but that’s all I use so that’s what I told him. Said he had yet to be on a date with someone who hadn’t used filtered pictures or tons of war paint for the date lol! I was the first ~fist pump~! 😂


I met a guy once who stayed in his car until he spotted me, I gave him endless **** for being ready to run if I didn't look like my pic. I doll up more to go on a date than in the pics on my profile which I snapped when I was out on errands to show what I look like on a normal day. He thought I looked much better than my pics and felt underdressed showing up in shorts and a hoodie 😂 . 

Apparently, regular people in Texas don't dress up much apparently, so I always look overdressed everywhere I go.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> It's the age old argument of sparks vs slow burn.
> 
> I know several women who admitted they were not initially sexually/physically attracted to their guy but gave the relationship time to build. I don't know any man who can say the same but that's not to say they aren't out there.
> 
> I am definitely a sparks gal. I've experimented with slow burn but it's never worked out for me. If I can't get excited imagining myself sexually interacting with my date, then it's a no go for me.


I'm binary... Hell yes or **** no! 

I wouldn't bother to get dolled up and leave my house at all if I was meh about someone, it's a waste of both my time and theirs.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I met a guy once who stayed in his car until he spotted me, I gave him endless **** for being ready to run if I didn't look like my pic. I doll up more to go on a date than in the pics on my profile which I snapped when I was out on errands to show what I look like on a normal day. He thought I looked much better than my pics and felt underdressed showing up in shorts and a hoodie 😂 .
> 
> Apparently, regular people in Texas don't dress up much apparently, so I always look overdressed everywhere I go.


Lmao! That is what it has come down to though lol! The filtered pics are so prevalent now that men expect the worst on these dates. I have one picture in just jeans and a T-shirt, my hairs up in an ugly bun, no make up and I look like crap and I put that on my profile so that men can see the reality. And of course all the comments on that picture are in regards to my butt lol!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> You know, I've never understood why anyone does that, do they think people are stupid and won't know? Maybe if people completely ignored profiles with any kind of filters, they'd stop doing it.
> 
> With all your requirements though, you really should stick to in-person dating.


At the same time as frustrating as it is I don't really blame them, they know looks matter. Besides who knows really some people can look better or worse than their photos.

Like I remained attracted to ms law student due to her slim long legs in heels but even she catfished me face-wise. Still, I could work with that 😅 ... to a point at least lol

So in the end, catfishing is just a thing we have to get used to in online dating, and yeah another reason to stick to offline.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Yes, you are correct, especially with online dating where the only thing you have to go off are a handful of photographs.
> 
> Sometimes I wish I wasn't so superficial but when in Rome.......🤷‍♀️.


If my bf and I relied only on pics, we might not have made each other's cut. Neither of us is particularly photogenic, I think my bf looks way better in person than in pics and I know I always look goofy in pics or downright aloof...no in between, I just don't like taking pics.

Something about his eyes got me very interested, plus our banter was fun, witty and sexy. We talk about ALL sorts of things from intellectual to downright stupid and whimsical, which is exactly what I was hoping for. It's just plain fun. I'll never be able to settle for less than that, it's not worth it to me to date for the sake of having someone.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> If my bf and I relied only on pics, we might not have made each other's cut. Neither of us is particularly photogenic, I think my bf looks way better in person than in pics and I know I always look goofy in pics or downright aloof...no in between, I just don't like taking pics.
> 
> Something about his eyes got me very interested, plus our banter was fun, witty and sexy. We talk about ALL sorts of things from intellectual to downright stupid and whimsical, which is exactly what I was hoping for. It's just plain fun. I'll never be able to settle for less than that, it's not worth it to me to date for the sake of having someone.


You got really lucky TX. In a very special kind of way.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Lmao! That is what it has come down to though lol! The filtered pics are so prevalent now that men expect the worst on these dates. I have one picture in just jeans and a T-shirt, my hairs up in an ugly bun, no make up and I look like crap and I put that on my profile so that men can see the reality. And of course all the comments on that picture are in regards to my butt lol!


Yes, and it's really sad. When did we stop thinking being human was good enough that we have to look like weird alien robots without pores?

You're good! I didn't post any no-makeup pics for general consumption😆, but shared before a date. For some reason men liked a pic of me tired and grumpy after a long day at a Renaissance festival after I'd sweated off most of my makeup even though I thought it was my worst one because I wasn't even smiling😂 . There aren't many photos of me at all, I don't care to pose or smile, makes me feel too self-conscious and stupid.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Yes, and it's really sad. When did we stop thinking being human was good enough that we have to look like weird alien robots without pores?
> 
> You're good! I didn't post any no-makeup pics for general consumption😆, but shared before a date. For some reason men liked a pic of me tired and grumpy after a long day at a Renaissance festival after I'd sweated off most of my makeup even though I thought it was my worst one because I wasn't even smiling😂 . There aren't many photos of me at all, I don't care to pose or smile, makes me feel too self-conscious and stupid.


Yep, me too. The only picture of me with a great big natural smile is one that my niece took of me and all my other selfies I’m not smiling because it feels so fake to do so.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> I’m visual as well and while I’m somewhat fluid in what I’m physically attracted to I have trouble getting past the men who have not aged well. It does seem hypocritical because I am 50 years old lol! But like you, I have a lot of trouble with it. And you can’t fake something like that. *Knowing that the other person finds you physically desirable is important to each and every one of us but I just cannot fake it. Oh but I love your personality, is just so insulting.*


Yes!!! I know there are sapiosexual folks out there but I am not one of them. I don't care if people call it a need for validation but I want a man who looks at me like I'm the sexiest thing he's seen that day. And I want to be with a man that I can't keep my hands off of. 

Sexual desire is needed to light the flame and personality is needed to keep the fire going long term.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> You got really lucky TX. In a very special kind of way.


I truly think so! I wasn't looking for love at all, thought it would take time to meet someone I liked who clicked with me. I'm not the easiest person to get to know or like, and from what I've read about dating, most men in my age group wouldn't bother.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> At the same time as frustrating as it is I don't really blame them, they know looks matter. Besides who knows really some people can look better or worse than their photos.
> 
> Like I remained attracted to ms law student due to her slim long legs in heels but even she catfished me face-wise. Still, I could work with that 😅 ... to a point at least lol
> 
> So in the end, catfishing is just a thing we have to get used to in online dating, and yeah another reason to stick to offline.


Looks do matter, but what's the point in pretending to be someone else, to attract someone who doesn't think you're good enough as you are? 

It's one thing to present your best self, but quite another to fake it.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> I'm binary... Hell yes or **** no!
> 
> I wouldn't bother to get dolled up and leave my house at all if I was meh about someone, it's a waste of both my time and theirs.


I tried to be open to men who I wasn't initially physically attracted to in the hopes that I would meet a better match. Only one time did this work out for me. He and I attended a mutual friend's party but we didn't really engage too much. He found me through Facebook and invited me to dinner which turned out to be a very pleasant experience. I liked his confidence and masculine energy. Definitely got me interested but unfortunately, he has much younger children, so we left it at friends. 

But generally, I agree with you. It's either a "hell yeah" or a "[email protected]#$ no".


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I tried to be open to men who I wasn't initially physically attracted to in the hopes that I would meet a better match. Only one time did this work out for me. He and I attended a mutual friend's party but we didn't really engage too much. He found me through Facebook and invited me to dinner which turned out to be a very pleasant experience. I liked his confidence and masculine energy. Definitely got me interested but unfortunately, he has much younger children, so we left it at friends.
> 
> But generally, I agree with you. It's either a "hell yeah" or a "[email protected]#$ no".


That guy sounds like a class act, it's a pity you two weren't at similar life stages. At least you know what works for you. I still think it's your location, quite frankly. 

I can't say enough good things about country boys. In my small town, there are loads of unassuming dudes going about their business who look decent and are pretty polite but quietly masculine. They'll tip their hat (a regular cap even) and smile with a bit of smalltalk, but it won't feel icky.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Looks do matter, but what's the point in pretending to be someone else, to attract someone who doesn't think you're good enough as you are?
> 
> It's one thing to present your best self, but quite another to fake it.


Ah the difference between presenting one's best self or faking it that's up to the individual 😋

So many women do it 🙄 so just have to put up with it I'm afraid, there's already enough I dont put up with 😅


----------



## TexasMom1216

RandomDude said:


> Ah the difference between *presenting one's best self or faking it *that's up to the individual 😋
> 
> *So many women do it *🙄 so just have to put up with it I'm afraid, there's already enough I dont put up with 😅


Men do it too.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Ah the difference between presenting one's best self or faking it that's up to the individual 😋
> 
> So many women do it 🙄 so just have to put up with it I'm afraid, there's already enough I dont put up with 😅


Photoshop and filters are definitely faking it! 

You can tell when someone is wearing makeup and expect they'll look different without it unless you're just dumb 😂 I wear varying degrees of makeup, from none to quite a bit depending on the occasion and my outfit.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I have only ever dated IRL so everyone saw the goods ahead of time. It would never even cross my mind to go on a date with a woman I didn’t want to have sex with based on what she looked like.

If the answer is no to that, then what’s the point?

I remember a girl in graduate school who I think liked me and I almost never talked to her because it was a no for me. I tried to picture it and I was like nope no way.

I hope same would be true with the sexes reversed.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Photoshop and filters are definitely faking it!
> 
> You can tell when someone is wearing makeup and expect they'll look different without it unless you're just dumb 😂 I wear varying degrees of makeup, from none to quite a bit depending on the occasion and my outfit.


Of course, I'm just saying I'm not really bothered with it anymore, all that catfishing. It's like a perk of dating I laugh about lol

Besides you can really never tell if you will be attracted physically until you meet, maybe they can look different than their photos but still great you know


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Of course, I'm just saying I'm not really bothered with it anymore, all that catfishing. It's like a perk of dating I laugh about lol
> 
> Besides you can really never tell if you will be attracted physically until you meet, maybe they can look different than their photos but still great you know


I suppose I got catfished.... 🤔 My bf was clean shaven when we met, then one day he showed up with a full beard. (I'd been really sick and had to remain quarantined in early 2020) I prefer clean-shaven men, but it grew on me , it looks kinda hot on him. Every so often he'll shave it, so I get 2 men for the price of one.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Well, at this point I think she’s a certified stalker


----------



## RebuildingMe

Anyway, back to the ‘singles’ thread. My ex gf came over last night under the guise of returning some of my stuff from her house. It turned out to be a booty call and of course I gave in. After all, it had been a month. I’m so weak 🤣


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Anyway, back to the ‘singles’ thread. My ex gf came over last night under the guise of returning some of my stuff from her house. It turned out to be a booty call and of course I gave in. After all, it had been a month. I’m so weak 🤣


_Whacks you upside the head_
You're welcome.


----------



## Hiner112

Affaircare said:


> Just the time I think 'I like those warm, brown eyes' I meet a guy with cool, deep, blue eyes. Just when I think I like barrel-chested football players, I meet a guy who's a sturdy little wrestler.


My current GF regularly comments on my "kind blue eyes". Also, sturdy little wrestler checking in....  I laughed a bit when I saw that.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> _Whacks you upside the head_
> You're welcome.


It was satisfying. Does that count for anything?


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> It was satisfying. Does that count for anything?


You know she ain't going nowhere once she's getting the goodies... neither are you.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> I tried to be open to men who I wasn't initially physically attracted to in the hopes that I would meet a better match. Only one time did this work out for me. He and I attended a mutual friend's party but we didn't really engage too much. He found me through Facebook and invited me to dinner which turned out to be a very pleasant experience. I liked his confidence and masculine energy. Definitely got me interested but unfortunately, he has much younger children, so we left it at friends.
> 
> But generally, I agree with you. It's either a "hell yeah" or a "[email protected]#$ no".


Yep. This is one of my issues I'm assuming I'll have to contend with. I have younger children. A boy and girl that are a few months away from 10. 

I'm game for finding myself a mom (I like curves and I see lots of moms with curves 😁). I love kids and being around them..... unless they suck ass. My kids rock. I hope I don't meet a single mom with kids that suck ass.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RebuildingMe said:


> Anyway, back to the ‘singles’ thread. My ex gf came over last night under the guise of returning some of my stuff from her house. It turned out to be a booty call and of course I gave in. After all, it had been a month. I’m so weak 🤣


Been since March for me. December of 2021 was the last time I would say wasn't terrible. 

I am objectively curious when I'll lose my mind. I venture it will be fairly soon.


----------



## Hiner112

My situation is kind of related to the recent discussion and in some ways is almost a counter example.

I don't think my GF had any pictures on her dating profile in which she was wearing makeup. I might have seen her in makeup sometime in the last year (but I doubt it). It would have been very subtle if she has. I kind of have to guess but I'd say that she's probably not "conventionally attractive". My type is basically, "talk nerdy to me". She asks about Tolkien lore or the graphic novel I'm reading without judgement and at least some interest and then proceeds to look at me in ways my ex never did. _cough_ my eyes are up here _cough_

Sometimes she'll joke about how her ex husband would have probably described her as "frigid" as she proceeds to wear me out.

I mean if life is swapping books as you finish them or reading to each other and sweating the sheets wet once a day, that sounds just about ideal to me. We're both kind of stuck where we are (1.5 hours apart) so it's generally just 2-3 weekends a month together and messaging or phone calls during the week. There's definitely a chance that _every day_ would lose some of the intensity or that personalities could become a problem if there weren't the breaks.

I'm kind of meandering in my thoughts because it's way past my bedtime and I've been up 20-ish hours.

TL;DR For me the personality is the attraction and objective looks has not affected the quality of the sex (or relationship such as it is) negatively. At all.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> Been since March for me. December of 2021 was the last time I would say wasn't terrible.
> 
> I am objectively curious when I'll lose my mind. I venture it will be fairly soon.


Yes, it’s only a matter of time. It’s even worse when you’re with someone you clearly turn on. You’ll get there.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Well, at this point I think she’s a certified stalker





RebuildingMe said:


> Anyway, back to the ‘singles’ thread. My ex gf came over last night under the guise of returning some of my stuff from her house. It turned out to be a booty call and of course I gave in. After all, it had been a month. I’m so weak 🤣


Wait, what?? You didn’t share how that ended or what was said but you two may be thinking two very different things. No bueno.

It’s _always_ the dumpee who approaches the dumper with sex and the reason is never a mature or level headed reason.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Yep. This is one of my issues I'm assuming I'll have to contend with. I have younger children. A boy and girl that are a few months away from 10.
> 
> I'm game for finding myself a mom (I like curves and I see lots of moms with curves 😁). I love kids and being around them..... unless they suck ass. My kids rock. I hope I don't meet a single mom with kids that suck ass.


I honestly don't think you'll have any issues finding women to date. You've mentioned your age range before and the odds are really good that you'll meet women in a similar life stage as you (with elementary school aged kids). 

The outliers are people like me. 48 with a kid approaching HS graduation, and only interested in other outliers.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Wait, what?? You didn’t share how that ended or what was said but you two may be thinking two very different things. No bueno.
> 
> It’s _always_ the dumpee who approaches the dumper with sex and the reason is never a mature or level headed reason.


Lol, the stalker comment wasn’t about my ex gf.

It was bound to happen. It didn’t end badly, but she has been asking around for opinions and apparently a lot of people told her what she did was not cool.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Lol, the stalker comment wasn’t about my ex gf.
> 
> It was bound to happen. It didn’t end badly, but she has been asking around for opinions and apparently a lot of people told her what she did was not cool.


What does that even mean or matter?? She KNEW it wasn't cool TO YOU. 
And you gave her several chances to "get it"....SHE DID NOT CARE.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> What does that even mean or matter?? She KNEW it wasn't cool TO YOU.
> And you gave her several chances to "get it"....SHE DID NOT CARE.


I agree 100%. Just because we had sex doesn’t mean she’s moving in. She knows I don’t trust her and she wants to show me I can. I’m not investing anymore than I already have and I don’t plan on dating anytime soon, so I’ll see what she’s got.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree 100%. Just because we had sex doesn’t mean she’s moving in. She knows I don’t trust her and she wants to show me I can. I’m not investing anymore than I already have and I don’t plan on dating anytime soon, so I’ll see what she’s got.


Well, you said she was never moving in because you would never live with a woman again, so I guess you are saying that you are giving her another chance?

How are you going to find a woman who respects your boundaries if you are being exclusive to one who does not?


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Lol, the stalker comment wasn’t about my ex gf.
> 
> It was bound to happen. It didn’t end badly, but she has been asking around for opinions and apparently a lot of people told her what she did was not cool.


I went through that with Tank, used to piss me off. We'd get into a disagreement over something, he'd dismiss my way of thinking then he'd run it past his best buddy who'd tell Tank dude she's not wrong and she's actually being smart about it. The next day, without fail, he'd come to me and tell me I was right. Can't tell you how many times that happened and you know what? That told me he can't THINK for himself and had a warped sense of right and wrong.

That is your girl. It's how she's wired and it's not going to change.


----------



## Not

And I don't want to hear any more complaints about how long it's been. I've got you all beat so suck it up.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> And I don't want to hear any more complaints about how long it's been. I've got you all beat so suck it up.


Sorry, not sorry. 

This place is my therapy. I’ll keep my mouth shut and stay stoic in real life. 

But here?

This is where I come to whine. 🤣


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> This place is my therapy. I’ll keep my mouth shut and stay stoic in real life.
> 
> But here?
> 
> This is where I come to whine. 🤣


Oh I know, I was just hoping for a gold star or something lol! Whine away. 😁


----------



## RandomDude

I'm celibate now until someone revives my dead sex drive again. Its so soul devouring when sexually active, I went on a dating spree because of it and only by satisfying my desires physically could the curse of lust go away.

Thankfully no one will ever be in such a position to flirt and tease me like that ever again. Was a one off, but she was the one I should have boned to begin with not spend 5 months looking for someone in her likeness.

But you know what they say about mixing sex and work 🙄 I do miss our flirts though 😔 she turned me on like none other that one...


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> I'm celibate now until someone revives my dead sex drive again. Its so soul devouring when sexually active, I went on a dating spree because of it and only by satisfying my desires physically could the curse of lust go away.
> 
> Thankfully no one will ever be in such a position to flirt and tease me like that ever again. Was a one off, but she was the one I should have boned to begin with not spend 5 months looking for someone in her likeness.
> 
> But you know what they say about mixing sex and work 🙄 I do miss our flirts though 😔 she turned me on like none other that one...


Dude... I don't even know what you are talking about here. Sounds like it sucks pretty bad.

Don't think I'll ever need someone to "revive" my sex drive. Its always been there. It never goes away. I'm personally looking forward to being sexually active again some day. Whomever ends up being the lucky gal is definitely gonna get worn out!


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Dude... I don't even know what you are talking about here. Sounds like it sucks pretty bad.
> 
> Don't think I'll ever need someone to "revive" my sex drive. Its always been there. It never goes away. I'm personally looking forward to being sexually active again some day. Whomever ends up being the lucky gal is definitely gonna get worn out!


Probably because I always had it on tap so a lot of association of sex is negative and associated with duty/work instead of lust/passion. So it takes more to get me going nowadays.

I wouldn't say it's sucky, I can focus my mind on other pursuits and don't have lust distracting me. Sometimes I do see someone attractive but it's not enough to kick start my engine, I needed two months of flirting for that lol

But damn do I go hard if my sex drive is active like in my last dating spree.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> Well, you said she was never moving in because you would never live with a woman again, so I guess you are saying that you are giving her another chance?
> 
> How are you going to find a woman who respects your boundaries if you are being exclusive to one who does not?


I’d consider it more like a FWB situation at this point. She knows that I’d bail if I found someone, and she understands why. I’m just not out there looking at this time. I’d also understand if she bails because someone wants to marry her. I guess we were just placeholders, and maybe always were 🤷‍♂️. At this point, she can communicate with whomever she wants to.


----------



## leftfield

Lila said:


> It's the age old argument of sparks vs slow burn.
> 
> I know several women who admitted they were not initially sexually/physically attracted to their guy but gave the relationship time to build. I don't know any man who can say the same but that's not to say they aren't out there.
> 
> I am definitely a sparks gal. I've experimented with slow burn but it's never worked out for me. If I can't get excited imagining myself sexually interacting with my date, then it's a no go for me.


Let me be the first man to say that slow burn can be real. I was not sexually/physically attracted to my wife, when we met. I have a type and she is not it. Anyways, we eventually connected. We are getting close to 22 years and still going.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Lol, the stalker comment wasn’t about my ex gf.
> 
> It was bound to happen. It didn’t end badly, but she has been asking around for opinions and apparently a lot of people told her what she did was not cool.


Once again, she's showing that she can't think for herself what is right/wrong for her/you. Why does she need input to decide if what you say has merit or not? This is my gripe with people who need external validation for everything.



LisaDiane said:


> What does that even mean or matter?? She KNEW it wasn't cool TO YOU.
> And you gave her several chances to "get it"....SHE DID NOT CARE.


Thank you!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I went through that with Tank, used to piss me off. We'd get into a disagreement over something, he'd dismiss my way of thinking then he'd run it past his best buddy who'd tell Tank dude she's not wrong and she's actually being smart about it. The next day, without fail, he'd come to me and tell me I was right. Can't tell you how many times that happened and you know what? That told me he can't THINK for himself and had a warped sense of right and wrong.
> 
> That is your girl. It's how she's wired and it's not going to change.


Tank's lucky he dealt with you and not me. I'd have asked him if his buddy was single, because he sounds more my speed than a little ****wit who has to ask someone else what he thinks.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> This place is my therapy. I’ll keep my mouth shut and stay stoic in real life.
> 
> But here?
> 
> This is where I come to whine. 🤣


_hands you the worlds tiniest violin and some cheese_


----------



## Evinrude58

Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around. 
has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
Super over the top needy

lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home. 

lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving. 
Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests. 

Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Tank's lucky he dealt with you and not me. I'd have asked him if his buddy was single, because he sounds more my speed than a little ****wit who has to ask someone else what he thinks.


The thing with Tank, and I believe Rebuilding's girl is probably doing this too, is he would then come off as contrite and then give me some praise to soothe things over. That makes them look better, like they're being open minded and willing to learn but that's not what's going on.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Evinrude58 said:


> Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around.
> has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
> Super over the top needy
> 
> lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home.
> 
> lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving.
> Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests.
> 
> Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


Which one wants to have sex every day?


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> _hands you the worlds tiniest violin and some cheese_


damn straight I'll play that little ass violin.


----------



## Not

Evinrude58 said:


> Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around.
> has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
> Super over the top needy
> 
> lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home.
> 
> lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving.
> Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests.
> 
> Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


No to needy. No way, no how.

#3 hands down in my book. Orgasms can be worked at and similar interests are always a super plus.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> The thing with Tank, and I believe Rebuilding's girl is probably doing this too, is he would then come off as contrite and then give me some praise to soothe things over. That makes them look better, like they're being open minded and willing to learn but that's not what's going on.


I could see that happening... once. After that, there's no "But, I didn't know...." What I don't understand is in these situations, if something is ambiguous, do they not have a mouth to open and ask a question?

I've had to ask/tell my bf some really embarrassing things, and yes it was uncomfortable, sometimes I felt super anxious, but I did and we talked. The outcome was, not only did we clarify things we both stood on totally different sides of, it helped us see the other's perspective and made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around.
> has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
> Super over the top needy
> 
> lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home.
> 
> lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving.
> Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests.
> 
> Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


I'm learning towards no.3 because you have similar interests, but which one do you get along best with?

Also, how do you even get such great choices? I'm really curious, not trying to be an asshole. My question is based on how you've describe yourself.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I could see that happening... once. After that, there's no "But, I didn't know...." What I don't understand is in these situations, if something is ambiguous, do they not have a mouth to open and ask a question?
> 
> I've had to ask/tell my bf some really embarrassing things, and yes it was uncomfortable, sometimes I felt super anxious, but I did and we talked. The outcome was, not only did we clarify things we both stood on totally different sides of, it helped us see the other's perspective and made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.


Yeah, that was part of my problem with him, I was way too forgiving. Never again.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Yeah, that was part of my problem with him, I was way too forgiving. Never again.


Yeah. We're not young and dumb anymore.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> No to needy. No way, no how.
> 
> #3 hands down in my book. Orgasms can be worked at and similar interests are always a super plus.





TXTrini said:


> I'm learning towards no.3 because you have similar interests, but which one do you get along best with?
> 
> Also, how do you even get such great choices? I'm really curious, not trying to be an asshole. My question is based on how you've describe yourself.


No. 3 can't orgasm? Dealbreaker sorry.
No. 2 😊

Honestly though I'll go with whoever makes me feel right.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> No. 3 can't orgasm? Dealbreaker sorry.
> No. 2 😊
> 
> Honestly though I'll go with whoever makes me feel right.



Cut #3 some slack with the orgasms. She may not have met the right man yet. My first one with a man happened when I was 48!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Cut #3 some slack with the orgasms. She may not have met the right man yet. My first one with a man happened when I was 48!


Maybe, or maybe she just doesn't enjoy sex

Also #2 sounds sexier 😊


----------



## Numb26

Evinrude58 said:


> Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around.
> has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
> Super over the top needy
> 
> lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home.
> 
> lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving.
> Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests.
> 
> Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


I would say Lady 3


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Cut #3 some slack with the orgasms. She may not have met the right man yet. My first one with a man happened when I was 48!


In my experience, younger men don't know/care about helping a woman orgasm, so it didn't happen for me until fairly recently with my bf. It took a while because I simply could not let go until he proved he was trustworthy. It has nothing to do with me not liking sex, I'm more frequently interested than him. 

What's the big deal about it anyway if a woman is happy with the sex? Is the male ego that fragile for some men that even a woman's orgasm has to be about him?


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> What's the big deal about it anyway if a woman is happy with the sex? Is the male ego that fragile for some men that even a woman's orgasm has to be about him?




🚨🚨🚨

Danger! Danger! 

Watch out men! TXTrini is on the lookout for butthurt! Don't show her any weakness and do not engage if you value your confidence!


----------



## uwe.blab

Lila said:


> Yes, you are correct, especially with online dating where the only thing you have to go off are a handful of photographs.
> 
> Sometimes I wish I wasn't so superficial but when in Rome.......🤷‍♀️.


So what is the 'type'? You seem to know really well (from your comments) exactly what your type is....


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> 🚨🚨🚨
> 
> Danger! Danger!
> 
> Watch out men! TXTrini is on the lookout for butthurt! Don't show her any weakness and do not engage if you value your confidence!


Not at all; it's an honest question. It's been mentioned several times across TAM, and I truly want to know if that's the case, because it's an incredible jump in logic. 

Anyway, comments like that make me appreciate my bf all the more and calm my urge to smother him in his sleep when he's snoring.


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> What's the big deal about it anyway if a woman is happy with the sex?


This has to be the most misogynistic statement I have ever heard from a woman. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Numb26

LATERILUS79 said:


> 🚨🚨🚨
> 
> Danger! Danger!
> 
> Watch out men! TXTrini is on the lookout for butthurt! Don't show her any weakness and do not engage if you value your confidence!


I'm not scared! 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Not at all; it's an honest question. It's been mentioned several times across TAM, and I truly want to know if that's the case, because it's an incredible jump in logic.
> 
> Anyway, comments like that make me appreciate my bf all the more and calm my urge to smother him in his sleep when he's snoring.


I can only speak for myself. 

I aim to please in the bedroom. I put in maximum effort every single time even though at best I only got minimum effort in return. At worst... well, you know what I got at worst. 

I want the woman to fully be pleased. That is my main goal. Reason being, it takes close to nothing to please me. My ex-wife had to put in effort to not please me. So if I find a woman that will put in a half-assed effort, it will probably blow my mind. 

Since my ex is the only woman I've ever slept with, I only have a sample size of 1. She does not orgasm from PIV. This never bothered me. I offered many times to help and to find ways to make this happen because I wanted her to enjoy the sex. She said no. Ok then. I can't force that. She said she enjoyed the sex anyway. I always offered to do anything and everything for her to get her orgasms. Sometimes she allowed me. Most of the time she didn't. Again, all I can do is offer. Then I would put in maximum effort if given the opportunity. 

My ego is not affected one way or the other on this issue. I have a feeling that I will eventually run into a woman that is quite pleased with what I bring to the bedroom and the lengths I will go to in order that she enjoys herself. 

But that's just my guess.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Maybe, or maybe she just doesn't enjoy sex
> 
> Also #2 sounds sexier 😊


I believe he said she’s very giving so that doesn’t seem to be the case. I thought both number two and number three sounded pretty sexy!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Numb26 said:


> I'm not scared! 🤣🤣🤣


You will be. 

You. Will. Be.



Now say that with the Yoda voice.


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> This has to be the most misogynistic statement I have ever heard from a woman. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


How so?


----------



## Numb26

LATERILUS79 said:


> You will be.
> 
> You. Will. Be.
> 
> 
> 
> Now say that with the Yoda voice.


Trini and I have an understanding. 🤣🤣🤣🤣😍


----------



## LATERILUS79

Numb26 said:


> Trini and I have an understanding. 🤣🤣🤣🤣😍


Haha!

Silly young man!

I remember when I used to think the same thing.


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> How so?


I was joking. But if I had said "what does is matter if the women I was with enjoyed the sex?" you would have strung me up. 🙂


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> I can only speak for myself.
> 
> I aim to please in the bedroom. I put in maximum effort every single time even though at best I only got minimum effort in return. At worst... well, you know what I got at worst.
> 
> I want the woman to fully be pleased. That is my main goal. Reason being, it takes close to nothing to please me. My ex-wife had to put in effort to not please me. So if I find a woman that will put in a half-assed effort, it will probably blow my mind.
> 
> Since my ex is the only woman I've ever slept with, I only have a sample size of 1. She does not orgasm from PIV. *This never bothered me. I offered many times to help and to find ways to make this happen because I wanted her to enjoy the sex. She said no. Ok then. I can't force that.* She said she enjoyed the sex anyway. I always offered to do anything and everything for her to get her orgasms. Sometimes she allowed me. Most of the time she didn't. Again, all I can do is offer. Then I would put in maximum effort if given the opportunity.
> 
> My ego is not affected one way or the other on this issue. I have a feeling that I will eventually run into a woman that is quite pleased with what I bring to the bedroom and the lengths I will go to in order that she enjoys herself.
> 
> But that's just my guess.


You're not who I'm interested in hearing from, as you don't take that personally. Not that I'm minimizing your experience, thank you for sharing your perspective.

My bf expressed as much to me, and I explained how I work to him. Mind you, my definition of sex might be at odds with people's perceptions of women who don't orgasm during sex. Some women also need more than 2 minutes, just saying...


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I believe he said she’s very giving so that doesn’t seem to be the case. I thought both number two and number three sounded pretty sexy!


That's why I asked which one did he get along with better. Some people look great on paper, then it gets wet...


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> That's why I asked which one did he get along with better. Some people look great on paper, then it gets wet...


That's a good thing, right? 🤔🤣🤣🤣


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> I was joking. But if I had said "what does is matter if the women I was with enjoyed the sex?" you would have strung me up. 🙂


Maybe this is a disconnect between the sexes since biologically PIV sex starts and ends with the man, excluding fore/afterplay. I personally enjoy the whole event regardless of whether or not orgasms happens during PIV. Luckily, I have a dude that doesn't let his physical limitations end things, so no complaints here!


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> That's a good thing, right? 🤔🤣🤣🤣


It depends... Wet paper tears.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> In my experience, younger men don't know/care about helping a woman orgasm, so it didn't happen for me until fairly recently with my bf. It took a while because I simply could not let go until he proved he was trustworthy. It has nothing to do with me not liking sex, I'm more frequently interested than him.
> 
> What's the big deal about it anyway if a woman is happy with the sex? Is the male ego that fragile for some men that even a woman's orgasm has to be about him?


It seems the newer generation are more expectant for men to put in the effort to impress their partners sexually so I wouldn't count out the younger guys.

As for women being happy with the sex, every man wants to feel desired. Every single woman I've been intimate with made me feel that way, hell even the last lay. Maybe I just had a good picker but whatever it is I can't live without that standard.

If she isn't turned on by me and her body doesn't react to my touch forget it, what's the point?

Also why I was so bothered with opposite love languages too, if she has to "put in effort" like pretend she wants to touch me when it's not her love language forget it!


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> It seems the newer generation are more expectant for men to put in the effort to impress their partners sexually so I wouldn't count out the younger guys.
> 
> As for women being happy with the sex, every man wants to feel desired. Every single woman I've been intimate with made me feel that way, maybe I just had a good picker but whatever it is I can't live without that standard.
> 
> If she isn't turned on by me and her body doesn't react to my touch forget it, what's the point?


So how does difficulty in orgasm = not being turned on or desiring someone?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> So how does difficulty in orgasm = not being turned on or desiring someone?


Could be the equation, I never had that issue, could even be she has too many hangups about sex, finds it gross, asexual, whatever it is, it's just not a problem I'm going to try to accommodate and that's aside from whether she's even turned on or desires me.

Also I've had women tell me how I opened them up sexually and other men blah blah blah but really I didn't do much 🙄 and I'm not some superman amongst men I just turned them on and that's all it took for orgasms.

So to hell with the 'can't orgasm' sorry. Of course there are exceptions but not going to stick around looking for them.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Could be the equation, I never had that issue, could even be she has too many hangups about sex, finds it gross, asexual, whatever it is, _*it's just not a problem I'm going to try to accommodate.*_


Fair enough, just know that you're even further limiting your options.

Btw, I'm not advocating you change your mind, just curious about the thought process since it doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## uwe.blab

Not said:


> I’m visual as well and while I’m somewhat fluid in what I’m physically attracted to I have trouble getting past the men who have not aged well. It does seem hypocritical because I am 50 years old lol! But like you, I have a lot of trouble with it. And you can’t fake something like that. Knowing that the other person finds you physically desirable is important to each and every one of us but I just cannot fake it. Oh but I love your personality, is just so insulting.


I am 50 years old as well, my wife is 40 and I look much closer in age to her than my own age. And...I see people my own age and I do think...wow, am I THAT old too?


----------



## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> Lady1: 4 kids, but nice kids. Youngest is 8. ten years younger. Cooks, cleans, easy to be around.
> has a job. Magazine worthy looks. Healthy.
> Super over the top needy
> 
> lady2: Job, 6 years older, super fun to be around. Nice voice . Cooks, cleans, thrifty, not wasteful. Very sexy, great figure. Grown kids not at home.
> 
> lady 3: 6 yrs older. Somewhat wealthy but not materialistic at all. Lots of land. Great cook, fun, has cool heavy equipment. Big ranch. Grown kids not at home. Attractive, great body. Doesn’t have orgasms via sex but very giving.
> Self employed, hard worker, very similar interests.
> 
> Of these, which is the better choice for an LTR?


None. 4 kids is a hard stop. 6 years older? Nope…


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Fair enough, just know that you're even further limiting your options.
> 
> Btw, I'm not advocating you change your mind, just curious about the thought process since it doesn't make sense to me.


Some things I just can't live without if I'm to be sexual with someone is all. Same with cuddles, no cuddles - get lost!

Don't care about limiting my options, I can very well be happy alone as long as my engine isn't triggered. As long as I keep all the long legged girls with high heels away from me and I'm fine.


----------



## Not

I was in an 8 1/2 year dry spell and I’ve come out the other side with the attitude of all sex is good sex lol! Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take the mind blowing kind any day but I’m not going to turn any of it down! 😂


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> I'm learning towards no.3 because you have similar interests, but which one do you get along best with?
> 
> Also, how do you even get such great choices? I'm really curious, not trying to be an asshole. My question is based on how you've describe yourself.


Luck


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> Not at all; it's an honest question. It's been mentioned several times across TAM, and I truly want to know if that's the case, because it's an incredible jump in logic.
> 
> Anyway, comments like that make me appreciate my bf all the more and calm my urge to smother him in his sleep when he's snoring.


Because a man likes to know he can give his partner pleasure . We actually care whether she enjoys sex or not


----------



## Evinrude58

RebuildingMe said:


> None. 4 kids is a hard stop. 6 years older? Nope…


The 6 years older bothers me also, especially since she had stage for cancer in late 20’s and survived it and doing fine. But I worry, not that I’m guaranteed tomorrow either.


----------



## Evinrude58

RebuildingMe said:


> None. 4 kids is a hard stop. 6 years older? Nope…


The 4 kids is hard for me to accept, but the older 2 are 17 abd 18, and the younger two are sweet kids.
And she’s gorgeous and yes that is tempting. Non crazy too…..


----------



## TXTrini

Evinrude58 said:


> Luck


I have this theory that luck is a sizeable component in successful relationships, coupled with the ability to spot and take advantage of opportunities. 



Evinrude58 said:


> Because a man likes to know he can give his partner pleasure . We actually care whether she enjoys sex or not


Again, didn't answer what I asked. I guess some men cannot understand that enjoyment doesn't mean orgasm.

Considering 70% of women don't orgasm from PIV alone, it makes me wonder if 1. women lie that much about having one, 2. men can't tell when a woman is lying to spare their ego.


----------



## Openminded

RebuildingMe said:


> I agree 100%. Just because we had sex doesn’t mean she’s moving in. She knows I don’t trust her and she wants to show me I can. I’m not investing anymore than I already have and I don’t plan on dating anytime soon, so I’ll see what she’s got.


You are very predictable.


----------



## Evinrude58

LATERILUS79 said:


> Which one wants to have sex every day?


All… of course….
You’ve had bad luck with that. I’ve never has a bad physical relationship.


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> The 6 years older bothers me also, especially since she had stage for cancer in late 20’s and survived it and doing fine. But I worry, not that I’m guaranteed tomorrow either.


I hope they know that their age bothers you, so they can find someone who doesn't mind if they don't want to risk being with you long term.

Why choose to date women FOR long-term potential when you don't genuinely accept and want who they are?


----------



## Evinrude58

LisaDiane said:


> I hope they know that their age bothers you, so they can find someone who doesn't mind if they don't want to risk being with you long term.
> 
> Why choose to date women FOR long-term potential when you don't genuinely accept and want who they are?


I’m still making up my mind. I would strong anyone along for months or years.
I can handle 6 years older. But that is my limit and I didn’t know about the medical history until after getting to know her


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> All… of course….
> You’ve had bad luck with that. I’ve never has a bad physical relationship.


YES...he was married. He hasn't dated yet...I predict he won't have any trouble finding exciting sexual partners once he starts dating too. Dating is the fun and easy part!


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m still making up my mind. I would strong anyone along for months or years.
> I can handle 6 years older. But that is my limit and I didn’t know about the medical history until after getting to know her


Well, your post said it bothered you, so I would absolutely want to know if anything about me bothers a man I'm getting to know, so I can decide if I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me the way I am.

I guess since I dealt with the sudden, excruciating deaths of several family members before I was 35yrs old, I don't care as much about the guarantees of "good health".


----------



## LATERILUS79

Evinrude58 said:


> All… of course….
> You’ve had bad luck with that. I’ve never has a bad physical relationship.


You make your world sound like heaven.


----------



## Evinrude58

LATERILUS79 said:


> You make your world sound like heaven.


Let’s just say you have a lot to look forward to and leave it at that


----------



## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m still making up my mind. I would strong anyone along for months or years.
> I can handle 6 years older. But that is my limit and I didn’t know about the medical history until after getting to know her


How old are you? If you’re 80 and she’s 86, we’ll, it’s probably no big deal. If middle aged, 6 years is a lot for me. Many people don’t age gracefully and I’ll leave it at that.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Openminded said:


> You are very predictable.


OUCH!


----------



## Hiner112

I'm a bit confused about what is meant by "can't have an orgasm". If that means during PIV that probably mostly means that they're the honest one. If it means that they don't orgasm _at all_ I would worry about sexual activities becoming a chore for them.

My GF doesn't orgasm during PIV (and neither did my ex). The first truly sexual activity I asked to do (in my life) was to go down on my ex. She had an orgasm then and either before or after nearly every time we had sex (either orally or digitally). I thought that would be how most women or relationships would work.  

My GF doesn't orgasm reliably _at all_. She has trouble getting there even on her own sometimes. This has not reduced her motivation or desire. She doesn't find me less attractive because of it. Regularly she feels a bit self conscious or guilty about the amount of time and "effort" that I put into her pleasure. Her description is that sex feels good but doesn't hit the right parts because her clit isn't _in_ her V. As for oral, her world (or universe) shrinks to the spot at the tip of my tongue and thought is destroyed and then....it just fades. She's not sure why and she's reassured me that there's no shortcoming in technique. It leaves an ache and a _need_. Even so, she enjoys and seeks out sex _a lot_ more than my ex who had an orgasm nearly every time. 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> I have this theory that luck is a sizeable component in successful relationships, coupled with the ability to spot and take advantage of opportunities.
> 
> 
> Again, didn't answer what I asked. I guess some men cannot understand that enjoyment doesn't mean orgasm.
> 
> Considering 70% of women don't orgasm from PIV alone, it makes me wonder if 1. women lie that much about having one, 2. men can't tell when a woman is lying to spare their ego.


Or 3. Men just don't care


----------



## RandomDude

I may have just been lucky (or perhaps being picky has its merits you know!) but all my long term partners always had orgasms in PIV but that is inclusive of me rubbing them at the same time so I guess that doesn't count. 

Still they've had it without me rubbing them too so 🤷‍♂️

Either way if I am not happy of my ability to satisfy my partner I'm gone. I can put up with complaints about frequency or 'effort' but if I can't even finish her what's the point?


----------



## TXTrini

Hiner112 said:


> I'm a bit confused about what is meant by "can't have an orgasm". If that means during PIV that probably mostly means that they're the honest one. If it means that they don't orgasm _at all_ I would worry about sexual activities becoming a chore for them.
> 
> My GF doesn't orgasm during PIV (and neither did my ex). The first truly sexual activity I asked to do (in my life) was to go down on my ex. She had an orgasm then and either before or after nearly every time we had sex (either orally or digitally). I thought that would be how most women or relationships would work.
> 
> My GF doesn't orgasm reliably _at all_. She has trouble getting there even on her own sometimes. This has not reduced her motivation or desire. She doesn't find me less attractive because of it. Regularly she feels a bit self conscious or guilty about the amount of time and "effort" that I put into her pleasure. Her description is that sex feels good but doesn't hit the right parts because her clit isn't _in_ her V. As for oral, her world (or universe) shrinks to the spot at the tip of my tongue and thought is destroyed and then....it just fades. She's not sure why and she's reassured me that there's no shortcoming in technique. It leaves an ache and a _need_. Even so, she enjoys and seeks out sex _a lot_ more than my ex who had an orgasm nearly every time.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


You sound just like my bf. He's a quietly confident and very patient man, which is good, because he needs to be for me. His patience and persistence are incredibly attractive. I have had a very similar experience and maybe it's emotional for her, and she just needs to feel safe to let that final barrier down with you. The first time it happened for me, it shocked us both, but like the scientist he is, he kept experimenting and discovered it's very repeatable. 

So keep going, you guys will get it!

That's why I asked if it was about ego. You know, yon man goes off yonder waving his mighty penis like a flag, he sticks it into yon woman like a conquering hero and is rewarded with seismic spasms as he smugly plants his flag feeling like a boss...


----------



## Numb26

TXTrini said:


> You sound just like my bf. He's a quietly confident and very patient man, which is good, because he needs to be for me. His patience and persistence are incredibly attractive. I have had a very similar experience and maybe it's emotional for her, and she just needs to feel safe to let that final barrier down with you. The first time it happened for me, it shocked us both, but like the scientist he is, he kept experimenting and discovered it's very repeatable.
> 
> So keep going, you guys will get it!
> 
> That's why I asked if it was about ego. You know, yon man goes off yonder waving his mighty penis like a flag, he sticks it into yon woman like a conquering hero and is rewarded with seismic spasms as he smugly plants his flag feeling like a boss...


And after the conquest is finished, she marches to yon kitchen in the hero's shirt to make the post costal sammie.


----------



## Quad73

Hiner112 said:


> I'm a bit confused about what is meant by "can't have an orgasm". If that means during PIV that probably mostly means that they're the honest one. If it means that they don't orgasm _at all_ I would worry about sexual activities becoming a chore for them.
> 
> My GF doesn't orgasm during PIV (and neither did my ex). The first truly sexual activity I asked to do (in my life) was to go down on my ex. She had an orgasm then and either before or after nearly every time we had sex (either orally or digitally). I thought that would be how most women or relationships would work.
> 
> My GF doesn't orgasm reliably _at all_. She has trouble getting there even on her own sometimes. This has not reduced her motivation or desire. She doesn't find me less attractive because of it. Regularly she feels a bit self conscious or guilty about the amount of time and "effort" that I put into her pleasure. Her description is that sex feels good but doesn't hit the right parts because her clit isn't _in_ her V. As for oral, her world (or universe) shrinks to the spot at the tip of my tongue and thought is destroyed and then....it just fades. She's not sure why and she's reassured me that there's no shortcoming in technique. It leaves an ache and a _need_. Even so, she enjoys and seeks out sex _a lot_ more than my ex who had an orgasm nearly every time.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


This reminded me of my ex girlfriend A, who never orgasmed but lusted for me daily, snail trails everywhere and loved the sex. 

I actually don't really understand the male obsession with female orgasms here on TAM. In my experience it's not equivalent to 'giving her pleasure'. Two of my other ex's were much the same if not as exaggerated in their response. My wife o's occasionally piv, often digitally, never orally.

Should men care about the orgasm count if their partner is enjoying the sex, initiates, talks about sex, regularly gropes us, cuddles up every night and makes it obvious she's having a great time? I'd say a bit, but not nearly as much as is often talked about here. If she's happy and satisfied and horny for more, so am I.


----------



## bobert

TXTrini said:


> What's the big deal about it anyway if a woman is happy with the sex? Is the male ego that fragile for some men that even a woman's orgasm has to be about him?





Evinrude58 said:


> Because a man likes to know he can give his partner pleasure . We actually care whether she enjoys sex or not





TXTrini said:


> Again, didn't answer what I asked. I guess some men cannot understand that enjoyment doesn't mean orgasm.


What Evinrude said is the answer, though. 

We want to be able to give our partners pleasure. 

So even if the woman says she's totally satisfied without an O, that doesn't mean we are. We want to get her there. 

For me, (and I'm someone who puts far too much importance on it) it feels like a failure and disappointment if I can't, because that's not how men work. If a man has sex and can't get off, then wtf went wrong. 

Saying "women are different" is like saying "men are different" as the answer to your question.


----------



## TXTrini

Numb26 said:


> And after the conquest is finished, she marches to yon kitchen in the hero's shirt to make the post costal sammie.


😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 
Or eats him alive if he didn't deliver...


----------



## RandomDude

Numb26 said:


> And after the conquest is finished, she marches to yon kitchen in the hero's shirt to make the post costal sammie.


Hahahahahahaa  



Quad73 said:


> This reminded me of my ex girlfriend A, who never orgasmed but lusted for me daily, snail trails everywhere and loved the sex.
> 
> I actually don't really understand the male obsession with female orgasms here on TAM. In my experience it's not equivalent to 'giving her pleasure'. Two of my other ex's were much the same if not as exaggerated in their response. My wife o's occasionally piv, often digitally, never orally.
> 
> Should men care about the orgasm count if their partner is enjoying the sex, initiates, talks about sex, regularly gropes us, cuddles up every night and makes it obvious she's having a great time? I'd say a bit, but not nearly as much as is often talked about here. If she's happy and satisfied and horny for more, so am I.


Well for me at least, they've always had it, so how am I supposed to feel if I ended up with a woman I can't get off? Nah, some standards for a relationship I can't drop.
Like sleeping on separate beds, that's a dealbreaker too. Also what triggered me one of my past dates was when she pulled out a god damn blanket out her bag instead of cuddling up, attraction straight to zero.

Meh, forget it, I'd rather be single, forever if I have to than have those kinds of relationships.


----------



## TXTrini

bobert said:


> What Evinrude said is the answer, though.
> 
> We want to be able to give our partners pleasure.
> 
> So even if the woman says she's totally satisfied without an O, that doesn't mean we are. We want to get her there.
> 
> For me, (and I'm someone who puts far too much importance on it) it feels like a failure and disappointment if I can't, because that's not how men work. If a man has sex and can't get off, then wtf went wrong.
> 
> Saying "women are different" is like saying "men are different" as the answer to your question.


I get that, but again, if most women aren't achieving orgasm during PIV alone, it seems like way too much pressure to be taking on instead of enjoying the moment. 

Mind you, I'm talking about the actual penis part, not anything else that can be done to achieve an orgasm.


----------



## Not

Orgasms are nice but definitely not necessary. I mean they are right now because I’m single but when I’m in a relationship not at all. Two completely different things. Nothing compares to being with the real thing, that in itself is pure pleasure. Orgasms are a different kind of pleasure and while they do rock their absence doesn’t take anything away from the experience.
I know some women feel incomplete without having one but that does not apply to all of us. And I do wonder if they feel that way because they think they’re supposed to orgasm and if they don’t they have somehow failed.


----------



## Evinrude58

TXTrini said:


> You sound just like my bf. He's a quietly confident and very patient man, which is good, because he needs to be for me. His patience and persistence are incredibly attractive. I have had a very similar experience and maybe it's emotional for her, and she just needs to feel safe to let that final barrier down with you. The first time it happened for me, it shocked us both, but like the scientist he is, he kept experimenting and discovered it's very repeatable.
> 
> So keep going, you guys will get it!
> 
> That's why I asked if it was about ego. You know,* yon man goes off yonder waving his mighty penis like a flag, he sticks it into yon woman like a conquering hero and is rewarded with seismic spasms as he smugly plants his flag feeling like a boss...*


hell yeah, I like the way you put that abd it is indeed nice feeling like the boss.
The one says she can’t unless with a vibrator, but still wants and enjoys.

I had an experience of a woman having orgasms piv and oral, and it seems somewhat uncommon but I can’t help but wanting that again. Matter of fact, with oral I could feel the contractions when she’d orgasm, then she’d want to have one PIV and it was always obvious when she did because it was always all about her snd if she didn’t get both she’d show obvious disappointment. But it was fabulous because 99% of the time she would and I’d feel totally fulfilled that I had taken care of business. It isnt really a deal breaker but would be nice to have that again. 
But I’m fool enough to cull a woman that treats me good and is seemingly a wonderful person over something small.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Well for me at least, they've always had it, so how am I supposed to feel if I ended up with a woman I can't get off? Nah, some standards for a relationship I can't drop.


Maybe that’s part of the confusion. Men are assuming women aren’t getting off because there’s no orgasm but that simply isn’t the case.


----------



## RandomDude

Why is the male "ego" always considered so toxic anyway? 

Is it wrong to have some pride as a lover and have a standard for himself to settle only with a woman who is sexually compatible with him?


----------



## Numb26

RandomDude said:


> Why is the male "ego" always considered so toxic anyway?
> 
> Is it wrong to have some pride as a lover and have a standard for himself to settle only with a woman who is sexually compatible with him?


Makes you toxic, didn't you know?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Why is the male "ego" always considered so toxic anyway?
> 
> Is it wrong to have some pride as a lover and have a standard for himself to settle only with a woman who is sexually compatible with him?


Who said anything about it being toxic? Or settling?


----------



## RandomDude

Numb26 said:


> Makes you toxic, didn't you know?


 I'm likely more than toxic by now - I'm RADIOACTIVE!


----------



## Evinrude58

By the way Tx, they never lie with me and I e always gotten them there.

jk, the ex wife never had an orgasm either way. And she told me it definitely wasn’t my fault after divorcing and slapping nasties with all the rich men around.


----------



## Not

For me, the only time it’s a problem is when a man absolutely expects it and gets upset if it doesn’t happen. If a man gets off on seeing me get off via orgasm that’s all well and good and I am more than happy to accommodate but if I don’t orgasm on demand every time and it’s a problem for him then yeah, that’s a big problem and it takes away from the enjoyment. I want to enjoy my time with him and not have to worry. I want to relax, have fun and act like rabbits.


----------



## Evinrude58

Not said:


> For me, the only time it’s a problem is when a man absolutely expects it and gets upset if it doesn’t happen. If a man gets off on seeing me get off via orgasm that’s all well and good and I am more than happy to accommodate but if I don’t orgasm on demand every time and it’s a problem for him then yeah, that’s a big problem and it takes away from the enjoyment. I want to enjoy my time with him and not have to worry. I want to relax, have fun and act like a rabbits.


Is hoping for it and expecting it the same?


----------



## Numb26

Not said:


> For me, the only time it’s a problem is when a man absolutely expects it and gets upset if it doesn’t happen. If a man gets off on seeing me get off via orgasm that’s all well and good and I am more than happy to accommodate but if I don’t orgasm on demand every time and it’s a problem for him then yeah, that’s a big problem and it takes away from the enjoyment. I want to enjoy my time with him and not have to worry. I want to relax, have fun and act like rabbits.


I have the opposite happen to me.


----------



## Not

Evinrude58 said:


> Is hoping for it and expecting it the same?


Not in my mind.


----------



## Not

Numb26 said:


> I have the opposite happen to me.


Do you mean the woman gets upset if she doesn’t have one? If so, my opinion is she just needs to relax and chill the hell out.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> For me, the only time it’s a problem is when a man absolutely expects it and gets upset if it doesn’t happen. If a man gets off on seeing me get off via orgasm that’s all well and good and I am more than happy to accommodate but if I don’t orgasm on demand every time and it’s a problem for him then yeah, that’s a big problem and it takes away from the enjoyment. I want to enjoy my time with him and not have to worry. I want to relax, have fun and act like a rabbits.


This is just so weird to me, it was like my duty to get them off and they would get mad at me if I didn't. 

Either way, THAT is what I'm used to and I doubt I can have a partner who can't orgasm with me no matter what we try.


----------



## Numb26

Not said:


> Do you mean the woman gets upset if she doesn’t have one? If so, my opinion is she just needs to relax and chill the hell out.


No, woman got upset because I didn't have one.


----------



## bobert

TXTrini said:


> I get that, but again, if most women aren't achieving orgasm during PIV alone, it seems like way too much pressure to be taking on instead of enjoying the moment.
> 
> Mind you, I'm talking about the actual penis part, not anything else that can be done to achieve an orgasm.


I don't expect women to orgasm from PIV. It'd be nice but zero expectation there.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I'm probably not going to be having any sex or dates any time soon, so my opinion on this doesn't matter at this point  but here goes anyway...

If a guy "must have" this or that, I'm cool with that and am cool if we pass on each other for those reasons, no matter what they are.

At the same time I have "must haves" that some would consider unreasonable as well so I actually understand it. One example, I will never be with a guy who is not a boob guy ever again. Been there, and then after experiencing the lovely wonderfulness of being with a real boob guy, I will never go back.

I know there are some people who for some reason think that being a boob guy means you don't also appreciate legs, booty, etc, but a true boob guy is typically also into all of that. So it's like, he is into ALL of me, whereas the non boob guys not being into the boobs is just sad and boring and something I will never accept again.

So even while the "she must have PIV O's" is a little weird to me, I know a lot of guys think my "won't be with a non boob man" thing is weird too, so to each their own.


----------



## lifeistooshort

A guy demanding I have orgasms would pretty much guarantee I don't.

I do have them, just not all the time. But that kind of pressure would get rid of all of them and probably my libido too.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm probably not going to be having any sex or dates any time soon, so my opinion on this doesn't matter at this point  but here goes anyway...
> 
> If a guy "must have" this or that, I'm cool with that and am cool if we pass on each other for those reasons, no matter what they are.
> 
> At the same time I have "must haves" that some would consider unreasonable as well so I actually understand it. One example, I will never be with a guy who is not a boob guy ever again. Been there, and then after experiencing the lovely wonderfulness of being with a real boob guy, I will never go back.
> 
> I know there are some people who for some reason think that being a boob guy means you don't also appreciate legs, booty, etc, but a true boob guy is typically also into all of that. So it's like, he is into ALL of me, whereas the non boob guys not being into the boobs is just sad and boring and something I will never accept again.
> 
> So even while the "she must have PIV O's" is a little weird to me, I know a lot of guys think my "won't be with a non boob man" thing is weird too, so to each their own.


I’m an ass man, so we’re out of luck 🤣


----------



## Not

Numb26 said:


> No, woman got upset because I didn't have one.


Ok, so now you have me thinking. Men are known for having orgasms fairly easily but women are not so for a man to not orgasm, what does that mean? Is he just having an off day or not feeling well? I don’t think that’s a common occurrence, right?

The only time I’ve experienced that was with my last boyfriend but he was starting to have issues with ED and was beginning to experience false orgasms where there was no ejaculate present. Or the session had gone on for so long he was just plum worn out and couldn’t. Both of which are OK as far as I’m concerned.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> I’m an ass man, so we’re out of luck 🤣


I've been known to show a guy my ass.

Does that count?


----------



## RandomDude

Rule is simple, can she masturbate and O? Yes? Can I replicate the O? Yes? Done.

No to either bye bye!


----------



## Numb26

Not said:


> Ok, so now you have me thinking. Men are known for having orgasms fairly easily but women are not so for a man to not orgasm, what does that mean? Is he just having an off day or not feeling well? I don’t think that’s a common occurrence, right?
> 
> The only time I’ve experienced that was with my last boyfriend but he was starting to have issues with ED and was beginning to experience false orgasms where there was no ejaculate present. Or the session had gone on for so long he was just plum worn out and couldn’t.


It's not common but it does happen, usually when I am tired or have jet lag.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RebuildingMe said:


> I’m an ass man, so we’re out of luck 🤣


I actually appreciate when within just a few short conversations, potential dates and I can weed each other out based on such things. 

I made the mistake of not clearing this point up with a guy. We ended up having great sex together and really cared about each other, but of course I learned very quickly that he wasn't a boob guy and this fact alone made him a short term only thing for me. At one point we had a conversation about the future and I was just honest with him about that, that I couldn't spend the rest of my life never having my boobs cherished again. He of course could not understand this at all and thought I was just making an excuse. I tried to reflect it back to him like "but what if I sincerely had zero interest in your peen, like ever, never touch it, never look at it, never get aroused by it, wouldn't you reject me?" But since I was actually crazy for his P he just could not imagine what I had said at all.

Anyway - we didn't work out for a few other reasons too but even if those other reasons weren't present, the non boob guy thing would have done us in anyway.

Since then I have vetted dates much sooner, like before we even meet!  You don't usually have to wait too long for it, as most men will straight up say it if they are not boob men (and for some reason, a lot of them think this is a good thing? Maybe it would be for some women but....not me).


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> A guy demanding I have orgasms would pretty much guarantee I don't.
> 
> I do have them, just not all the time. But that kind of pressure would get rid of all of them and probably my libido too.


Agree. If the guy knows his woman can orgasm with him that should be all that matters then let nature and orgasms take their natural course.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Numb26 said:


> It's not common but it does happen, usually when I am tired or have jet lag.


Or when you rubbed one out earlier and then she decides after two weeks of nothing, tonight is the night.


----------



## Not

Numb26 said:


> It's not common but it does happen, usually when I am tired or have jet lag.


To me that’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable. Nobody can be on top of their game 100% of the time.


----------



## Evinrude58

There are men that aren’t boob men?


----------



## Not

Evinrude58 said:


> There are men that aren’t boob men?


They do walk among us lol! My last boyfriend wasn’t. He was all about the butt and legs.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> There are men that aren’t boob men?


Yup. Last time I checked, I couldn’t stick it in a boob.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> They do walk among us lol! My last boyfriend wasn’t. He was all about the butt and legs.


That's the thing though, every single one of the boob guys I've been with ALSO loved the ass and legs, so they basically liked all of me. Where as the non boob guys love everything except your boobs.


----------



## RandomDude

I dunno, I am like a total leg man but nice boobs and nice butt I like to fondle and spank too, just that I NEED the nice legs and can live without the others.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Evinrude58 said:


> There are men that aren’t boob men?


I don't get it either as I love boobs myself! But I have come to understand that yes, they are there and it is enough of them that it is not that uncommon.


----------



## TXTrini

My bf doesn't like labels, so I have no idea what kinda man he is; he never gave me a straight answer. Honestly, I don't care, he doesn't neglect anything 😂


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> My bf doesn't like labels, so I have no idea what kinda man he is; he never gave me a straight answer. Honestly, I don't care, he doesn't neglect anything 😂


If he's all up on your boobs every moment that you'll allow it, then he's a boob guy.

Non boob guys won't even notice them.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> That's the thing though, every single one of the boob guys I've been with ALSO loved the ass and legs, so they basically liked all of me. Where as the non boob guys love everything except your boobs.


Some people just really have their thing. The butt was his thing and he just absolutely loves the crease where the butt and the legs meet. Drove him wild. He was always grabbing a cheek and bending over to kiss it. The boobs got zero attention lol!
The boyfriend before him was a boob man and would tell me he wished he could take a boob put it in his pocket and take it to work with him lol!


----------



## Numb26

Faithful Wife said:


> If he's all up on your boobs every moment that you'll allow it, then he's a boob guy.
> 
> Non boob guys won't even notice them.


I'm just a WHOLE woman's body kind of man.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Numb26 said:


> I'm just a WHOLE woman's body kind of man.


Same. There is no part of a man or woman that isn't lovely to me.  But those part which make us different are especially lovely.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> If he's all up on your boobs every moment that you'll allow it, then he's a boob guy.
> 
> Non boob guys won't even notice them.


He's an equal opportunity lover. I'm more fixated on a specific region... but for decency sake, I'll leave it at that 😂


----------



## RandomDude

Page 69, fitting that the conversation has steered into sex!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Page 69, fitting that the conversation has steered into sex!


I noticed too but chose to be mature about it lol! 😂😂😂😂


----------



## TXTrini

Now to hold out until FriYAY...


----------



## Hiner112

Faithful Wife said:


> At the same time I have "must haves" that some would consider unreasonable as well so I actually understand it. One example, I will never be with a guy who is not a boob guy ever again. Been there, and then after experiencing the lovely wonderfulness of being with a real boob guy, I will never go back.
> 
> I know there are some people who for some reason think that being a boob guy means you don't also appreciate legs, booty, etc, but a true boob guy is typically also into all of that. So it's like, he is into ALL of me, whereas the non boob guys not being into the boobs is just sad and boring and something I will never accept again.


This also made me laugh a bit. My GF argued with me about how guys had chests too so my interest in her chest didn't make sense to her. And then she tried to tell me that guy's hands and forearms are totally different from girl's hands and I couldn't understand that. It took us about an hour to decide that we couldn't make the other one understand our perspectives.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm probably not going to be having any sex or dates any time soon, so my opinion on this doesn't matter at this point  but here goes anyway...
> 
> If a guy "must have" this or that, I'm cool with that and am cool if we pass on each other for those reasons, no matter what they are.
> 
> At the same time I have "must haves" that some would consider unreasonable as well so I actually understand it. One example, I will never be with a guy who is not a boob guy ever again. Been there, and then after experiencing the lovely wonderfulness of being with a real boob guy, I will never go back.
> 
> I know there are some people who for some reason think that being a boob guy means you don't also appreciate legs, booty, etc, but a true boob guy is typically also into all of that. So it's like, he is into ALL of me, whereas the non boob guys not being into the boobs is just sad and boring and something I will never accept again.
> 
> So even while the "she must have PIV O's" is a little weird to me, I know a lot of guys think my "won't be with a non boob man" thing is weird too, so to each their own.


This is easily the best post I've ever read


Ever. 


I honestly cannot imagine reading anything more beautiful than this.


----------



## Hiner112

Not said:


> Ok, so now you have me thinking. Men are known for having orgasms fairly easily but women are not so for a man to not orgasm, what does that mean? Is he just having an off day or not feeling well? I don’t think that’s a common occurrence, right?
> 
> The only time I’ve experienced that was with my last boyfriend but he was starting to have issues with ED and was beginning to experience false orgasms where there was no ejaculate present. Or the session had gone on for so long he was just plum worn out and couldn’t. Both of which are OK as far as I’m concerned.


The more orgasms that have happened "recently" the longer it takes generally. Sometimes the required duration is greater than the endurance.

My ex has asked, "are you done yet?" or "aren't you done yet?" which killed the mood pretty effectively.

When I started having sex again after the dead bedroom, I sometimes had to have a mantra in my head reminding myself that my GF _wanted_ to have sex and having an orgasm _wasn't_ selfish and that she'd consider it a _good_ thing. It didn't always work. It was also at this time that the erections weren't always 100% reliable. It could fade after 10 or 15 minutes of activity and we'd have to either take a break (more kissing and cuddling / oral) and try again shortly or just call it a night.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is easily the best post I've ever read
> 
> 
> Ever.
> 
> 
> I honestly cannot imagine reading anything more beautiful than this.


Not sure why...but cool, right on


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Not sure why...but cool, right on


Let me put it this way:

Boobs are the greatest gift God has ever put on this earth. I’m 43 now and my mind has not changed one bit since I was 13. 

I had NO IDEA women like yourself exist. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I fully understand what you mean by a true boob man. 😅. THAT IS ME. 

You are correct - a boob man will love ALL of the woman. A woman’s body is a temple as far as I am concerned. But the boobs?! I’ll be taking my time. I am going to enjoy myself….. thoroughly. 

Especially after what I’ve been through with my ex. 

Of course boobs is what gets me in trouble in the first place. They have an amazing ability to prevent me from seeing red flags. My ex has one of the greatest racks of all time…… that she would slap my hands away from during sex if I so much as dared to touch. But she was able to trick me initially when we first started dating by telling me that she loved having her boobs played with. Anywho, a story for another time. 

I must now seek other women like yourself that are in search of boob men.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Hiner112 said:


> The more orgasms that have happened "recently" the longer it takes generally. Sometimes the required duration is greater than the endurance.
> 
> My ex has asked, "are you done yet?" or "aren't you done yet?" which killed the mood pretty effectively.
> 
> When I started having sex again after the dead bedroom, I sometimes had to have a mantra in my head reminding myself that my GF _wanted_ to have sex and having an orgasm _wasn't_ selfish and that she'd consider it a _good_ thing. It didn't always work. It was also at this time that the erections weren't always 100% reliable. It could fade after 10 or 15 minutes of activity and we'd have to either take a break (more kissing and cuddling / oral) and try again shortly or just call it a night.


A lot of women can't turn right around and have another orgasm either. And sex can be irritating physically unless they are still feeling like they could give it another go. And even if a partner can do one after another, it doesn't at all mean that that works every time. And it doesn't really have to do with what the other partner is doing necessarily. Many times it's just not going to happen.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Let me put it this way:
> 
> Boobs are the greatest gift God has ever put on this earth. I’m 43 now and my mind has not changed one bit since I was 13.
> 
> I had NO IDEA women like yourself exist. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I fully understand what you mean by a true boob man. 😅. THAT IS ME.
> 
> You are correct - a boob man will love ALL of the woman. A woman’s body is a temple as far as I am concerned. But the boobs?! I’ll be taking my time. I am going to enjoy myself….. thoroughly.
> 
> Especially after what I’ve been through with my ex.
> 
> Of course boobs is what gets me in trouble in the first place. They have an amazing ability to prevent me from seeing red flags. My ex has one of the greatest racks of all time…… that she would slap my hands away from during sex if I so much as dared to touch. But she was able to trick me initially when we first started dating by telling me that she loved having her boobs played with. Anywho, a story for another time.
> 
> I must now seek other women like yourself that are in search of boob men.


Oh now I get it. This will probably only make sense to you and other boob men: I actually feel so sorry for you when a woman doesn't want that kind of attention. Because OMG the torture to be around them but never get to see them, touch them, etc. 

I love boobs too and always have, so I really do understand. Growing up I eventually realized I'm bi, but if women didn't have boobs I'm not sure I would be.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> I must now seek other women like yourself that are in search of boob men.


And just one more note about this....I've learned the hard way that it is a much higher percentage of men who are NOT than many people realize. But the ones who are just become more special because of that.


----------



## leftfield

Faithful Wife said:


> I actually appreciate when within just a few short conversations, potential dates and I can weed each other out based on such things.
> 
> I made the mistake of not clearing this point up with a guy. We ended up having great sex together and really cared about each other, but of course I learned very quickly that he wasn't a boob guy and this fact alone made him a short term only thing for me. At one point we had a conversation about the future and I was just honest with him about that, that I couldn't spend the rest of my life never having my boobs cherished again. He of course could not understand this at all and thought I was just making an excuse. I tried to reflect it back to him like "but what if I sincerely had zero interest in your peen, like ever, never touch it, never look at it, never get aroused by it, wouldn't you reject me?" But since I was actually crazy for his P he just could not imagine what I had said at all.
> 
> Anyway - we didn't work out for a few other reasons too but even if those other reasons weren't present, the non boob guy thing would have done us in anyway.
> 
> Since then I have vetted dates much sooner, like before we even meet!  You don't usually have to wait too long for it, as most men will straight up say it if they are not boob men (and for some reason, a lot of them think this is a good thing? Maybe it would be for some women but....not me).


Are there really men that do not enjoy boobs? Your example there would be a man who never touches or caresses, or grabs or kisses, etc. Do such men really exist?


----------



## Faithful Wife

leftfield said:


> Are there really men that do not enjoy boobs? Your example there would be a man who never touches or caresses, or grabs or kisses, etc. Do such men really exist?


Yep, they sure do exist. There were a couple who replied to this topic on here yesterday. They don't notice them, don't want to touch them, don't want to see them, if they do see them they feel no arousal, etc.

The one I described in the quoted post, when I told him I could not see any future with him because I won't go the rest of my life without ever having my tata's cherished again, he just thought that was a stupid "excuse" that I was making up, he didn't understand how I could possibly feel this way.

My first husband also was unfortunately not a boob guy, but we were so young at the time that I didn't really realize that is what was happening. I did know that it didn't seem to entice him if I was walking around topless but that was about it. Having never had (at that time) a true boob man, I didn't really know what I was missing. My 2nd husband was a real boob guy and was the first one I ever got to experience. IT WAS AMAZING and I will never live without that again. He never neglected any other part of me, told me in millions of very specific ways how every part of my body was wonderful to him, gave attention to my whole body. But the boobs reigned supreme to him and he expressed that to me with his actions every single day.

Every morning he would be in bed pretending to still be drowsy, but he was actually just lying in wait for me to go undress to get in the shower and then he would suddenly SPRING out of bed to run across the room and grab me while I was topless and smother my boobs with love. Gosh I miss that.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Yep, they sure do exist. There were a couple who replied to this topic on here yesterday. They don't notice them, don't want to touch them, don't want to see them, if they do see them they feel no arousal, etc.
> 
> The one I described in the quoted post, when I told him I could not see any future with him because I won't go the rest of my life without ever having my tata's cherished again, he just thought that was a stupid "excuse" that I was making up, he didn't understand how I could possibly feel this way.
> 
> My first husband also was unfortunately not a boob guy, but we were so young at the time that I didn't really realize that is what was happening. I did know that it didn't seem to entice him if I was walking around topless but that was about it. Having never had (at that time) a true boob man, I didn't really know what I was missing. My 2nd husband was a real boob guy and was the first one I ever got to experience. IT WAS AMAZING and I will never live without that again. He never neglected any other part of me, told me in millions of very specific ways how every part of my body was wonderful to him, gave attention to my whole body. But the boobs reigned supreme to him and he expressed that to me with his actions every single day.
> 
> Every morning he would be in bed pretending to still be drowsy, but he was actually just lying in wait for me to go undress to get in the shower and then he would suddenly SPRING out of bed to run across the room and grab me while I was topless and smother my boobs with love. Gosh I miss that.


I can imagine he went to his mates and said he got dumped because he didn't cherish your boobs. I would have laughed in his face


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> I can imagine he went to his mates and said he got dumped because he didn't cherish your boobs. I would have laughed in his face


Nah he would have told them some other reason since he honestly didn’t believe me when I said that. 

He was telling me once about a friend of his who loved going to strip clubs and how his friend convinced him to go a couple times and how he just didn’t understand why his friend got so excited about all the boobs.

At one point I asked him to just try to fake it and just pretend he liked mine for my benefit. His “trying” lasted about 1 minute as he cranked on them as if they were knobs on a toddler’s crib toy. I told him not to bother after that and just kept a tank top on during sex after that time. He never noticed or said anything about it.

Ugh.


----------



## Lila

uwe.blab said:


> So what is the 'type'? You seem to know really well (from your comments) exactly what your type is....


Well based on my long term relationship partners, my type is physically fit for their age, non smoker, non drug user, social or non drinker, common sense smart, handy, non-aggressive men....... who love dogs and drive trucks 😂. Every single freaking time with my type. I'm like Smeagol with that damn ring. "My precious".


----------



## uwe.blab

Lila said:


> Well based on my long term relationship partners, my type is physically fit for their age, non smoker, non drug user, social or non drinker, common sense smart, handy, non-aggressive men....... who love dogs and drive trucks 😂. Every single freaking time with my type. I'm like Smeagol with that damn ring. "My precious".


oh wow. I was expecting more physical traits in your description. But that is awesome you know this about yourself. Because I am not handy, I know a lot of women really like that (as they should).


----------



## leftfield

Faithful Wife said:


> Nah he would have told them some other reason since he honestly didn’t believe me when I said that.
> 
> He was telling me once about a friend of his who loved going to strip clubs and how his friend convinced him to go a couple times and how he just didn’t understand why his friend got so excited about all the boobs.
> 
> At one point I asked him to just try to fake it and just pretend he liked mine for my benefit. His “trying” lasted about 1 minute as he cranked on them as if they were knobs on a toddler’s crib toy. I told him not to bother after that and just kept a tank top on during sex after that time. He never noticed or said anything about it.
> 
> Ugh.


Holy smokes. I'm findining this really hard to imagine. I'm not a boob man per say, but my wifes top always comes off. Things just are more fun that way.


----------



## Lila

uwe.blab said:


> oh wow. I was expecting more physical traits in your description. But that is awesome you know this about yourself. Because I am not handy, I know a lot of women really like that (as they should).


Nope, just physically fit is good enough for me. I mean of course there are other things like having all of their teeth and not hiding their bald with toupees but is that really a type? I don't think so. 

I think I'm just generally attracted to physical strength. Not to be confused with those thirst models on TikTock. Those are pretty boys. Handiness falls under the physical strength category for me.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Nope, just physically fit is good enough for me. I mean of course there are other things like having all of their teeth and not hiding their bald with toupees but is that really a type? I don't think so.
> 
> I think I'm just generally attracted to physical strength. Not to be confused with those thirst models on TikTock. Those are pretty boys. Handiness falls under the physical strength category for me.


I think everyone should have their own standards just so long as they are realistic for that person. For example, a 5 looking for an 8, 9 or 10 is unrealistic and going to be frustrating. It goes both ways.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> Oh now I get it. This will probably only make sense to you and other boob men: I actually feel so sorry for you when a woman doesn't want that kind of attention. Because OMG the torture to be around them but never get to see them, touch them, etc.
> 
> I love boobs too and always have, so I really do understand. Growing up I eventually realized I'm bi, but if women didn't have boobs I'm not sure I would be.


You know, I never really understood this fascination with women's boobs until I dated a man with nipple rings. Omg!!!! I think I discovered a kink. It opened up a whole new obsession with men's chests. The pecs, the chest hair, the nips 🔥🔥. Now I find it a very visually erotic and tactile part of a man's body so much so that I know I can never be with a man who doesnt enjoy that kind of attention. It's that important to my pleasure.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> I think everyone should have their own standards just so long as they are realistic for that person. For example, a 5 looking for an 8, 9 or 10 is unrealistic and going to be frustrating. It goes both ways.


Of course. I also think there are trade-offs. For eg, I've mentioned that I only date blue collar men. I don't attract white collar guys, at least not the physically fit ones that I am attracted to. It's not a bad thing but as a white collar woman, if having a white collar guy was important to me then I'd have to reevaluate my type.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Of course. I also think there are trade-offs. For eg, I've mentioned that I only date blue collar men. I don't attract white collar guys, at least not the physically fit ones that I am attracted to. It's not a bad thing but as a white collar woman, if having a white collar guy was important to me then I'd have to reevaluate my type.


It’s funny you mention that. I am a white collar corporate guy and I always end up with blue collar females. Teachers, nurses etc. There is a lot of beautiful women whom I’ve worked with over the years, but I never get involved with anyone from work. I think I’d find dating someone with a job similar to mine to be boring.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s funny you mention that. I am a white collar corporate guy and I always end up with blue collar females. Teachers, nurses etc. There is a lot of beautiful women whom I’ve worked with over the years, but I never get involved with anyone from work. I think I’d find dating someone with a job similar to mine to be boring.


Women in those career fields probably have traits that you find attractive. For eg. Nurses and teachers are usually compassionate and nurturing people. Caretaker types. Those are traits you find attractive. You would be hard pressed to find women like that in my field but then again for every strength, there's a weakness. Again, it's a trade off to get what you need to feel good.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Well based on my long term relationship partners, my type is physically fit for their age, non smoker, non drug user, social or non drinker, common sense smart, handy, non-aggressive men....... who love dogs and drive trucks 😂. Every single freaking time with my type. I'm like Smeagol with that damn ring. "My precious".


What if they are cool with other people’s dogs but don’t have a dog of their own and they plan on buying a truck but the damn chip shortage is causing problems? 😂


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> What if they are cool with other people’s dogs but don’t have a dog of their own and they plan on buying a truck but the damn chip shortage is causing problems? 😂


Lol. The truck and dogs was purely coincidence. It's a situation where I bought the man and he threw in the truck and love of dogs (mine). 😂 

You'll love having the truck when you start dating 😉


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> You know, I never really understood this fascination with women's boobs until I dated a man with nipple rings. Omg!!!! I think I discovered a kink. It opened up a whole new obsession with men's chests. The pecs, the chest hair, the nips 🔥🔥. Now I find it a very visually erotic and tactile part of a man's body so much so that I know I can never be with a man who doesnt enjoy that kind of attention. It's that important to my pleasure.




My nipples are out of bounds haha. Man it feels weird but hey whatever floats the boat lol


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RebuildingMe said:


> It’s funny you mention that. I am a white collar corporate guy and I always end up with blue collar females. Teachers, nurses etc. There is a lot of beautiful women whom I’ve worked with over the years, but I never get involved with anyone from work. I think I’d find dating someone with a job similar to mine to be boring.


Okay, I must have been using a different definition of blue-collar vs white-collar my whole life. To me, if it requires a degree, and/or dressing up nicely, and/or the work is indoors, it's white-collar. If it's more about not needing a degree, or some element of working with your hands, or working outdoors, etc, it's blue-collar.

So teachers and nurses to me would be white-collar jobs.

I tend to go for white-collar as a proxy for the intelligence level I'm seeking, but I've known many blue-collar people that are very fun to be with, my ex included.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Okay, I must have been using a different definition of blue-collar vs white-collar my whole life. To me, if it requires a degree, and/or dressing up nicely, and/or the work is indoors, it's white-collar. If it's more about not needing a degree, or some element of working with your hands, or working outdoors, etc, it's blue-collar.
> 
> So teachers and nurses to me would be white-collar jobs.
> 
> I tend to go for white-collar as a proxy for the intelligence level I'm seeking, but I've known many blue-collar people that are very fun to be with, my ex included.


I always associated union jobs as blue collar. I could be wrong.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Some women also need more than 2 minutes, just saying...


With no toys and just the D from the top my wife can easily take 15 minutes.

If super riled up and with a toy, can be as little as 2-3 minutes.

Thanks Amazon dot com!


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> With no toys and just the D from the top my wife can easily take 15 minutes.
> 
> If super riled up and with a toy, can be as little as 2-3 minutes.
> 
> Thanks Amazon dot com!


I personally like to play the hokey poke for as long as possible instead of rushing to the finish line, so 2 minutes would only frustrate me.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Well based on my long term relationship partners, my type is physically fit for their age, non smoker, non drug user, social or non drinker, common sense smart, handy, non-aggressive men....... who love dogs and drive trucks 😂. Every single freaking time with my type. I'm like Smeagol with that damn ring. "My precious".


Ha, almost my type! It's so hard to find a non-smoker/drinker!


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> I personally like to play the hokey poke for as long as possible instead of rushing to the finish line, so 2 minutes would only frustrate me.


Me too.

However sometimes the P is too good.


----------



## Not

I consider myself blue-collar and that’s partially why I avoid white-collar men, because I assume I’m not their type. But white collar men aren’t really my type either, unless they’re blue-collar once they get home and then I’d be totally down. And what I mean by that is the jeans and T-shirt gets put on and they might hop on the bike and go for a ride or they hit the garage to do an oil change or finish hanging that drywall they had started. 

I see teachers and nurses as sort of a mix between the two.

I have an office job with a crap ton of paperwork to deal with every day and work situations where a level head and a lot of tact are needed but I’m at my desk in jeans, T-shirts and boots and then I’ll be out in the field driving at various times as well. I’m an office chick but I’m not.


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I personally like to play the hokey poke for as long as possible instead of rushing to the finish line, so 2 minutes would only frustrate me.


2 minutes? Last time I was 2 minutes I was 13 and looking at the woman’s underwear section of the Sears Wishbook catalog.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Blue collar to me means no desk. You’re doing stuff. So a teacher has a desk, not blue collar. A nurse is a professional and some of them have desks. It could be either it depends on their specialties.

I know my wife was interested in my education and social class. My family went to the best undergraduate schools, have postgraduate education, and some are Ivy leaguers. Her family was not that. They were military or worked in manufacturing. She is smart though but doesn’t have a top flight education, however I think she was happy to date a man from a different social class.

I have the luxury of not caring. If she looks good and is smart then I don’t care what her social class is.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> 2 minutes? Last time I was 2 minutes I was 13 and looking at the woman’s underwear section of the Sears Wishbook catalog.


😂 😂 😂 
Dude, you'd be surprised... I remember one guy I talked to while I was OLD was quite upfront about that being an issue for him. He was a nice guy, real good looking, but I had to wish him well and mosy on along.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> 😂 😂 😂
> Dude, you'd be surprised... I remember one guy I talked to while I was OLD was quite upfront about that being an issue for him. He was a nice guy, real good looking, but I had to wish him well and mosy on along.


The thing is it’s completely correctable or should be. Right now I take a SSRI replacement St John’s Wort 300mg one pill a day. I haven’t popped before my wife on that in maybe 9 months and that is going 15+ times a month. Promiscent spray like one spray and I can go like 50 minutes of pound town. Way too long for her. These guys need to check out modern technology.


----------



## RebuildingMe

ccpowerslave said:


> The thing is it’s completely correctable or should be. Right now I take a SSRI replacement St John’s Wort 300mg one pill a day. I haven’t popped before my wife on that in maybe 9 months and that is going 15+ times a month. Promiscent spray like one spray and I can go like 50 minutes of pound town. Way too long for her. These guys need to check out modern technology.


I had to actually get off of lexapro because I couldn’t get there, like ever. My doctor told me that porn stars use it.


----------



## ccpowerslave

RebuildingMe said:


> I had to actually get off of lexapro because I couldn’t get there, like ever. My doctor told me that porn stars use it.


Yeah some of the stuff it’s a “be careful what you wish for”. My wife I think threw out my spray.


----------



## RebuildingMe

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah some of the stuff it’s a “be careful what you wish for”. My wife I think threw out my spray.


Like what Texas said, 2 minutes is no bueno but 30-40 minutes can put one or both of you in the ER.


----------



## Openminded

Not said:


> I consider myself blue-collar and that’s partially why I avoid white-collar men, because I assume I’m not their type. But white collar men aren’t really my type either, unless they’re blue-collar once they get home and then I’d be totally down. And what I mean by that is the jeans and T-shirt gets put on and they might hop on the bike and go for a ride or they hit the garage to do an oil change or finish hanging that drywall they had started.
> 
> I see teachers and nurses as sort of a mix between the two.
> 
> I have an office job with a crap ton of paperwork to deal with every day and work situations where a level head and a lot of tact are needed but I’m at my desk in jeans, T-shirts and boots and then I’ll be out in the field driving at various times as well. I’m an office chick but I’m not.


Pink collar once was the term used for teachers, nurses and admin workers — for obvious reasons since the majority of those jobs were filled by women. Maybe it’s still used although I haven’t heard it in decades.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Like what Texas said, 2 minutes is no bueno but 30-40 minutes can put one or both of you in the ER.


No it doesn't 😂 Only if you're weak, maybe. 

Seriously though, we had to work up to it to meet in the middle (giggity!) as a comprise , performance vs needs. 

You'd think dudes would take care of that @ccpowerslave especially if they're single and looking to mingle but you'd be wrong.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> I had to actually get off of lexapro because I couldn’t get there, like ever. My doctor told me that porn stars use it.


Huh... I think that's what he's been on. I like 😁


----------



## heartsbeating

Lila said:


> Of course. I also think there are trade-offs. For eg, I've mentioned that I only date blue collar men. I don't attract white collar guys, at least not the physically fit ones that I am attracted to. It's not a bad thing but as a white collar woman, if having a white collar guy was important to me then I'd have to reevaluate my type.


Well, I think you know what you have to give and, hopefully recognize that you’re physically gorgeous too. Figured I’d throw that in here given appearance comes up as part of attraction and dating. And so, what did you decide with Pogo? I think the nickname here is Pogo unless I’m confused. Anyway, you know who I mean …what did you decide?


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> Huh... I think that's what he's been on. I like 😁


Who?


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Who?


My bf. Who else? 😂


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> My bf. Who else? 😂


LOL, of course! One of the main side effects of lexapro is “delayed” ejaculation. For me, that meant “no” ejaculation. I hated it.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> LOL, of course! One of the main side effects of lexapro is “delayed” ejaculation. For me, that meant “no” ejaculation. I hated it.


Well that's not why he's taking it, I'm not that selfish. But... it works for me.

So anyway what's the deal with you ? It seems like there's delayed ejaculation going on in another part of your life.
_scurries off to hide_


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> No it doesn't 😂 Only if you're weak, maybe.
> 
> Seriously though, we had to work up to it to meet in the middle (giggity!) as a comprise , performance vs needs.
> 
> You'd think dudes would take care of that @ccpowerslave especially if they're single and looking to mingle but you'd be wrong.


I see no reason for guys to take care of this. We'll, unless their reload time is really long. 

I'm sure my lasting power isn't all that great. Especially if I get a woman that is better than my ex... and that is setting the bar extremely low. 

Doesn't matter. I'll be ready to go again in 30-40 minutes.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Also, I didn't know any man ever cared about what job a woman has. White collar or blue collar. That wouldn't even cross my mind. I don't care if she doesn't have a job at all. That's not what I'm looking for.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Also, I didn't know any man ever cared about what job a woman has. White collar or blue collar. That wouldn't even cross my mind.


Me either, however...



> I don't care if she doesn't have a job at all. That's not what I'm looking for.


I would be concerned if she doesn't have *A* job. It raises questions about potential dependencies, also mindset.


----------



## Lila

heartsbeating said:


> Well, I think you know what you have to give and, hopefully recognize that you’re physically gorgeous too. Figured I’d throw that in here given appearance comes up as part of attraction and dating. And so, what did you decide with Pogo? I think the nickname here is Pogo unless I’m confused. Anyway, you know who I mean …what did you decide?


@heartsbeating you're always so generous with your compliments. Thank you 🤗🤗🤗

Pogo and I are still seeing each other but as a long distance relationship. He moved out of state early summer but is trying to move back.

I don't know how others do the long distance thing long term. My love language is quality time and physical touch. I know since his move, I have lost a lot of my connection to him. I used to look forward to his calls and texts messages. Nowadays, I can spend all day and not even think of him. 

I going to give it through middle of next month. I let him know that if he's not back, I'm letting him go. We can try to rekindle things if or when he moves back to town permanently. In the meantime, I need to move on.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> @heartsbeating you're always so generous with your compliments. Thank you
> 
> Pogo and I are still seeing each other but as a long distance relationship. He moved out of state early summer but is trying to move back.
> 
> I don't know how others do the long distance thing long term. My love language is quality time and physical touch. I know since his move, I have lost a lot of my connection to him. I used to look forward to his calls and texts messages. Nowadays, I can spend all day and not even think of him.
> 
> I going to give it through middle of next month. I let him know that if he's not back, I'm letting him go. We can try to rekindle things if or when he moves back to town permanently. In the meantime, I need to move on.


Didn't you have to sort of convince yourself to like Pogo enough to let him back in?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Didn't you have to sort of convince yourself to like Pogo enough to let him back in?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Yep which is probably why I'm finding myself detaching so easily from him now. 

It's tough though. Dating these days is abysmal, not just in the over 40 scene but across the board. Giving up on Pogo means giving up on the intimacy and emotional connection I crave. 

I want sex, and intimacy, and affection..with the same person. Given how bad it is out there these days, if Pogo isn't in the picture, I'm sure those needs will go unfulfilled. It is what it is but it sure does suck looking down the barrel of a shotgun and accepting one's fate.


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Yep which is probably why I'm finding myself detaching so easily from him now.
> 
> It's tough though. Dating these days is abysmal, not just in the over 40 scene but across the board. Giving up on Pogo means giving up on the intimacy and emotional connection I crave.
> 
> I want sex, and intimacy, and affection..with the same person. Given how bad it is out there these days, if Pogo isn't in the picture, I'm sure those needs will go unfulfilled. It is what it is but it sure does suck looking down the barrel of a shotgun and accepting one's fate.


Don't despair!! No matter what you do about Pogo, it's not your "fate" at all...it's just your Fate-Right-Now.

You are still young with so much to offer and plenty of options...you just can't see them right now. If you are relaxed and happy about yourself and your life, you will draw what you need and want TO you, you won't have to find it or force it!!

If you feel connected and cared about by Pogo, embrace it and enjoy it, and appreciate HIM for who HE is! If he truly isn't right for you, then let him go and enjoy your life the way it is right now...and take a break from dating until you get your inner peace and happiness back!

You have plenty of time to find what you really want...there is no rush and no need to have it NOW. It will come when YOU are ready!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Yep which is probably why I'm finding myself detaching so easily from him now.
> 
> It's tough though. Dating these days is abysmal, not just in the over 40 scene but across the board. Giving up on Pogo means giving up on the intimacy and emotional connection I crave.
> 
> I want sex, and intimacy, and affection..with the same person. Given how bad it is out there these days, if Pogo isn't in the picture, I'm sure those needs will go unfulfilled. It is what it is but it sure does suck looking down the barrel of a shotgun and accepting one's fate.


I feel the same way. 110%.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Also, I didn't know any man ever cared about what job a woman has. White collar or blue collar. That wouldn't even cross my mind. I don't care if she doesn't have a job at all. That's not what I'm looking for.


Most men haven't seemed to care about my job but I've only dated blue collar. Word of caution, don't advertise the fact that you don't care if she works or not. You'll be getting bombarded by all kinds and not the kind you want. 

I dated a guy for two weeks back in February and he stated "my wife isn't going to work". And another talked a lot about the money left to him after his wife passed, he's now wealthy. Both floored me. It put a target on both their backs and I told them so.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LATERILUS79 said:


> Doesn't matter. I'll be ready to go again in 30-40 minutes.


That’s the sad thing. When I was in my 20s it was more like 30-40 seconds.


----------



## Not

It's funny that the white/blue collar topic has come up. I've been eyeballing a profile for about two weeks now. He seems to be white collar and that's stopping me. But he has a Harley!  So he can't be full on white collar right? But he dresses way better than I do lol!

Lmao! Just checked Bumble and have a new prospect and he's def blue collar with a boat, love boats! 

Decisions decisions!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Most men haven't seemed to care about my job but I've only dated blue collar. Word of caution, don't advertise the fact that you don't care if she works or not. You'll be getting bombarded by all kinds and not the kind you want.
> 
> I dated a guy for two weeks back in February and he stated "my wife isn't going to work". And another talked a lot about the money left to him after his wife passed, he's now wealthy. Both floored me. It put a target on both their backs and I told them so.


I'll be bombarded by the kinds of women I don't want?

But... what if she has amazing boobs? 



JUST JOKING!!! 


I'm not completely controlled by boobs.


😬



I don't see myself putting anything in my profile talking about jobs. These are things I've never thought about before. Hell, I don't even know if I have a white collar or blue collar job. I have my desk, but I also gotta wear a hard hat and steel toe boots out in the plant.


----------



## LATERILUS79

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s the sad thing. When I was in my 20s it was more like 30-40 seconds.


ummmm..... ok?


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> Don't despair!! No matter what you do about Pogo, it's not your "fate" at all...it's just your Fate-Right-Now.
> 
> You are still young with so much to offer and plenty of options...you just can't see them right now. If you are relaxed and happy about yourself and your life, you will draw what you need and want TO you, you won't have to find it or force it!!
> 
> If you feel connected and cared about by Pogo, embrace it and enjoy it, and appreciate HIM for who HE is! If he truly isn't right for you, then let him go and enjoy your life the way it is right now...and take a break from dating until you get your inner peace and happiness back!
> 
> You have plenty of time to find what you really want...there is no rush and no need to have it NOW. It will come when YOU are ready!!


Thank you for the encouraging words. 

I am really happy with my life right now and am grateful for all of the many blessings I've been afforded. No complaints at all. I am just an observer and a realist. I sometimes feel like I'm living alone on a paradise island. Is it really paradise if I'm alone?


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> 2 minutes? Last time I was 2 minutes I was 13 and looking at the woman’s underwear section of the Sears Wishbook catalog.


Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?

I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!

And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Thank you for the encouraging words.
> 
> I am really happy with my life right now and am grateful for all of the many blessings I've been afforded. No complaints at all. I am just an observer and a realist. I sometimes feel like I'm living alone on a paradise island. Is it really paradise if I'm alone?


Sure!! It can be...it can be anything you make it!


----------



## Lila

LisaDiane said:


> Sure!! It can be...it can be anything you make it!


Until you start talking to a volleyball named Wilson. 😂

I'm hoping for the blue lagoon scenario instead.


----------



## LisaDiane

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s the sad thing. When I was in my 20s it was more like 30-40 seconds.


But was that necessary to please the women you were with though? I'm sure it made YOU feel virile and manly, but did that actually make you a better sex partner?


----------



## LisaDiane

Lila said:


> Until you start talking to a volleyball named Wilson. 😂
> 
> I'm hoping for the blue lagoon scenario instead.


Hey, Wilson had his merits...he was a GREAT listener!!! 

Seriously, maybe while you are spearing fish and re-thatching your hut, Mr. Perfect will stroll out of the reeds, just when you aren't even looking for him and are busy doing something else!!


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> I'll be bombarded by the kinds of women I don't want?
> 
> But... what if she has amazing boobs?
> 
> 
> 
> JUST JOKING!!!
> 
> 
> *I'm not completely controlled by boobs. *


You trying to convince us or yourself lol!? 




> I don't see myself putting anything in my profile talking about jobs. These are things I've never thought about before. Hell, I don't even know if I have a white collar or blue collar job. I have my desk, but I also gotta wear a hard hat and steel toe boots out in the plant.


Neither of them had that info in their profile but they mentioned it soon after meeting.


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?
> 
> I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!
> 
> And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


Men will actually train themselves to last longer, ask me how I know.  And I think it can be a sign of early ED but not in all cases. Some men are less sensitive so it takes longer than the average. ExH was way too sensitive and that led to many problems. He'd finish before I even got started.

I'm in the same camp as Trini, longer than 5 is awesome. 30-40 was average with the last BF but he was really into thoroughly wiping me out.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> You trying to convince us or yourself lol!?


I like to play the game of denial. Maybe one of these days I'll grow up.... but probably not. 



Not said:


> Men will actually train themselves to last longer, ask me how I know.  And I think it can be a sign of early ED but not in all cases. Some men are less sensitive so it takes longer than the average. ExH was way too sensitive and that led to many problems. He'd finish before I even got started.
> 
> I'm in the same camp as Trini, longer than 5 is awesome. 30-40 was average with the last BF but he was really into thoroughly wiping me out.


I was going to bow out of this one originally because I don't want to spark cc to start talking about st. johns wort and all that stuff (because herbs and spices have NO EFFECT on me), but whatever. I'll throw my hat in the ring. 

I'm as "sensitive" as the situation allows for. I'm coming out of a relationship where I was not allowed even the slightest amount of control in the bedroom and if I didn't do what my ex wanted, she would take sex away for months. As such, when she did actually want sex, she wanted me to "pound away" as hard and as fast as I could. Well, I'm not going to last long if I do that (cc - I don't care about your st. johns wort). However, if I'm given a 5 minute grace period, I can desensitize myself and then go as long as its required. If I do go earlier than the woman requires, it won't take me but another couple of minutes to be "ready" again to at least do the act. Then I can definitely go indefinitely. I don't need to orgasm again. Doesn't matter to me. I'll keep riding away until the woman is pleased.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Yep which is probably why I'm finding myself detaching so easily from him now.
> 
> It's tough though. Dating these days is abysmal, not just in the over 40 scene but across the board. Giving up on Pogo means giving up on the intimacy and emotional connection I crave.
> 
> I want sex, and intimacy, and affection..with the same person. Given how bad it is out there these days, if Pogo isn't in the picture, I'm sure those needs will go unfulfilled. It is what it is but it sure does suck looking down the barrel of a shotgun and accepting one's fate.


Does this mean you are keeping your options open while loosely dating him via LDR?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Evinrude58

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?
> 
> I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!
> 
> And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


What????? Longer than 5 min is no fun? Ruh roh Shaggy


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Does this mean you are keeping your options open while loosely dating him via LDR?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Yes but where are these options (legitimate ones) you speak of?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Yes but where are these options (legitimate ones) you speak of?


unless you are looking for mermen, I don't think they are in the ocean.


----------



## LATERILUS79

This is why we need a TAM block party. 🤣 

The way the women speak here? Pretty much knocks me out of my chair on a daily basis. I hope the women in my area are the same.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> unless you are looking for mermen, I don't think they are in the ocean.


I'm on my paradise island remember. 😂😂😂


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM block party. 🤣
> 
> The way the women speak here? Pretty much knocks me out of my chair on a daily basis. I hope the women in my area are the same.


I don't know why this made me laugh so hard. The knock out of the chair could be good or really really bad. You gotta know which one is headed your way.


----------



## TXTrini

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?
> 
> I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!
> 
> And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


2-5 mins????
Omg, I would be so frustrated! That's like a teaser, even with lots of foreplay. I seriously couldn't deal with that consistently; that's like wham bam thank you mam to me. Time just flies, because it's not just about the act, it's about connection and fun.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> I don't know why this made me laugh so hard. The knock out of the chair could be good or really really bad. You gotta know which one is headed your way.


I keep saying I’ll update my story and I never get around to doing it. 

I was gaslit for MANY years. I had no idea what real women were like. My first 4 months on TAM we’re very uncomfortable… like my exwife was looking over my shoulder. I could hear her voice in my head saying, “that’s not what women are like. No woman does that in the bedroom. They are lying. You know this. I’ve told you. Women don’t have sex with their husbands.” 


But eventually the sample size grew and started to realize I was being lied to. It became a lot easier to start trusting the number of women here speaking over my spouse.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> I don't know why this made me laugh so hard. The knock out of the chair could be good or really really bad. You gotta know which one is headed your way.


Oh, and knocking me out of my chair in a VERY good way. 

Yes. Every day on TAM is shocking to me. Absolutely shocking. I seriously cannot wait to live my life for a change of pace


----------



## 2&out

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh, and knocking me out of my chair in a VERY good way.
> 
> Yes. Every day on TAM is shocking to me. Absolutely shocking. I seriously cannot wait to live my life for a change of pace


It might be and you might have some fun....  Fun part about life is the variety of people. Lila seems very high quality but I'm about zero of what she and it seems any TAM ladies want. And it is totally fine. Blue collar ? Nope. Drive truck and love dogs ? Nope. Drink ? Yes. Smoke and/or do occasional unlawful recreation ? Yep. Mature , thoughtful, and serious ? LOL !!! hardly  About the only thing I might pass on is the physical, never been more than 10lbs extra in my 60 yr life. Am I going to change anything to make myself appeal more to women ? Nope, I seem to do OK. There seem to be a few that "I am their type" and interested in me. My only 2 cents on any of this dating stuff is don't take it too seriously. Maybe it's my bizaar attitude. I like and am comfortable with myself and I don't care if I meet anyone or not. But I seem to.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> But was that necessary to please the women you were with though? I'm sure it made YOU feel virile and manly, but did that actually make you a better sex partner?


No.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Yes but where are these options (legitimate ones) you speak of?




Now for the tough question: does he know that?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> I keep saying I’ll update my story and I never get around to doing it.
> 
> I was gaslit for MANY years. I had no idea what real women were like. My first 4 months on TAM we’re very uncomfortable… like my exwife was looking over my shoulder. I could hear her voice in my head saying, “that’s not what women are like. No woman does that in the bedroom. They are lying. You know this. I’ve told you. Women don’t have sex with their husbands.”
> 
> 
> But eventually the sample size grew and started to realize I was being lied to. It became a lot easier to start trusting the number of women here speaking over my spouse.


I can't speak for all women but I'll share my experience with this and you can take it as just one data point amongst many. 

For me, when in a relationship, the sex is plentiful, experimental, and enthusiastic if the answer to these questions is yes:

The first is purely animalistic. Do I find the guy physically attractive? Do I want to touch him? Are we sexually compatible? Is he responding to me in kind? 

The second part is emotional. Does he make me feel safe? Do I feel understood and does he take my concerns seriously? Can I count on him if needed? Does he make me feel like a priority?

The issues with sex for me start happening when any one of those things is missing. My ex-husband fell under the first and third underlined item. Pogo falls under the second. This isn't to say they were at fault for making me feel those things. I'm just sharing with you how it works in my brain. 

Women are all unique and they have different criteria for feeling sexual desire towards a partner but nevertheless, there is always a reason for a lack of desire. Not saying you did anything wrong in your marriage but just letting you know to never let a woman gaslight you into thinking women (in general) do not like sex. The vast majority do and will.


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Now for the tough question: does he know that?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Absolutely!!! He's aware.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?
> 
> I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!
> 
> And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


5 minutes or less - without foreplay - that would be a quickie, and yes sometimes that is fun. But only if it is rare and most of the time I can get it with lots of long foreplay...and the actual boinking part I would hope for at least 15 - 20 minutes, or even better, several sessions of 15 - 20 minutes in between hours of foreplay.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is why we need a TAM block party. 🤣
> 
> The way the women speak here? Pretty much knocks me out of my chair on a daily basis. I hope the women in my area are the same.


But we can talk this way because it is anonymous. I would never talk this way at a TAM gathering (not that there would ever be on close to me anyway). I do talk this way with close female friends, but never in open or mixed company. I am sure there are women like us everywhere so to find some in your area should be possible! It's just that they aren't likely to spout this kind of stuff in quite the same we you can read us talking about it here.


----------



## Livvie

Faithful Wife said:


> 5 minutes or less - without foreplay - that would be a quickie, and yes sometimes that is fun. But only if it is rare and most of the time I can get it with lots of long foreplay...and the actual boinking part I would hope for at least 15 - 20 minutes, or even better, several sessions of 15 - 20 minutes in between hours of foreplay.


Hours of foreplay??

I work a full time job and have a house, dog, friends, etc. I wouldn't have hours (plural hours) available for sex on an ongoing multiple times a week basis, especially weeknights. Not many hours, every time.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> 2-5 mins????
> Omg, I would be so frustrated! That's like a teaser, even with lots of foreplay. I seriously couldn't deal with that consistently; that's like wham bam thank you mam to me. Time just flies, because it's not just about the act, it's about connection and fun.


I would have thought 20 minutes was the norm. I can't even get off that fast. Never been good at quickies 😑


----------



## LATERILUS79

LoL. Nothing but sex rock stars here. 

5-10 minutes is GREAT as far as I am concerned. If she wants to go longer, then that is GREATER!


----------



## Faithful Wife

Livvie said:


> Hours of foreplay??
> 
> I work a full time job and have a house, dog, friends, etc. I wouldn't have hours (plural hours) available for sex on an ongoing multiple times a week basis, especially weeknights. Not many hours, every time.


Definitely not every day. I used to hope for at least once weekly to have hours to lay around and get happy together!


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> LoL. Nothing but sex rock stars here.


Not really, it would be great if I can get off on demand, because some sessions drag on and I struggle to finish especially when the heat comes in, starts getting sticky, sweat dripping into my eyes, makes it even harder.

At that point I normally just hurry and finish her then let her finish me because it's not nice for me anymore.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Not really, it would be great if I can get off on demand, because some sessions drag on and I struggle to finish especially when the heat comes in, starts getting sticky, sweat dripping into my eyes, makes it even harder.
> 
> At that point I normally just hurry and finish her then let her finish me because it's not nice for me anymore.


Interesting. Very interesting information. 

I had to be able to get off on demand. Had to. I had to be able to do it in 2 minutes or less. If I didn’t, my ex would be “offended” I guess? Then she would take sex away for an indefinite period of time. So sex for me 75% of the time was very stressful. I had to concentrate hard with someone that was basically a robot. I tried to get off before the, “this is starting to hurt, are You done yet? You are going to have to finish yourself” Comments started to roll in.


----------



## TXTrini

2&out said:


> It might be and you might have some fun....  Fun part about life is the variety of people. Lila seems very high quality but I'm about zero of what she and it seems any TAM ladies want. And it is totally fine. Blue collar ? Nope. Drive truck and love dogs ? Nope. Drink ? Yes. Smoke and/or do occasional unlawful recreation ? Yep. Mature , thoughtful, and serious ? LOL !!! hardly  About the only thing I might pass on is the physical, never been more than 10lbs extra in my 60 yr life. Am I going to change anything to make myself appeal more to women ? Nope, I seem to do OK. There seem to be a few that "I am their type" and interested in me. My only 2 cents on any of this dating stuff is don't take it too seriously. Maybe it's my bizaar attitude. I like and am comfortable with myself and I don't care if I meet anyone or not. But I seem to.


You are who you are, there's no need to pretend to be different just because some women dig certain things. The people who pretend, sell a false bill of goods and then change the game later actually do everyone involved a disservice.


----------



## LisaDiane

Evinrude58 said:


> What????? Longer than 5 min is no fun? Ruh roh Shaggy


Lolol!!


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Interesting. Very interesting information.
> 
> I had to be able to get off on demand. Had to. I had to be able to do it in 2 minutes or less. If I didn’t, my ex would be “offended” I guess? Then she would take sex away for an indefinite period of time. So sex for me 75% of the time was very stressful. I had to concentrate hard with someone that was basically a robot. I tried to get off before the, “this is starting to hurt, are You done yet? You are going to have to finish yourself” Comments started to roll in.


How the heck do you orgasm at will? For me it does what it wants and if it ain't feeling it, it ain't going to work. Many times I'm just not in the mood, but I do it anyway because you know, love and duty.

We lived in opposite worlds. For me, it was my duty to service them, and for you sex was denied.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> 5 minutes or less - without foreplay - that would be a quickie, and yes sometimes that is fun. But only if it is rare and most of the time I can get it with lots of long foreplay...and the actual boinking part I would hope for at least 15 - 20 minutes, or even better, several sessions of 15 - 20 minutes in between hours of foreplay.


I don't like quickies, they feel anti-climactic to me and leave me feeling more annoyed than anything else. Plus my dude's 1 and done, so we've made adjustments to compromise. 



Faithful Wife said:


> But we can talk this way because it is anonymous. I would never talk this way at a TAM gathering (not that there would ever be on close to me anyway). I do talk this way with close female friends, but never in open or mixed company. I am sure there are women like us everywhere so to find some in your area should be possible! It's just that they aren't likely to spout this kind of stuff in quite the same we you can read us talking about it here.


Exactly! That's so personal, and also best to avoid giving anyone the wrong idea.


----------



## TXTrini

Livvie said:


> Hours of foreplay??
> 
> I work a full time job and have a house, dog, friends, etc. I wouldn't have hours (plural hours) available for sex on an ongoing multiple times a week basis, especially weeknights. Not many hours, every time.


You can flirt back and forth during the day while doing the stuff. Foreplay doesn't only have to be physical, for me it's mostly mental. I;d be embarrassed if anyone saw the texts my bf and I send each other 😂


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> I can't speak for all women but I'll share my experience with this and you can take it as just one data point amongst many.
> 
> For me, when in a relationship, the sex is plentiful, experimental, and enthusiastic if the answer to these questions is yes:
> 
> The first is purely animalistic. Do I find the guy physically attractive? Do I want to touch him? Are we sexually compatible? Is he responding to me in kind?
> 
> The second part is emotional. Does he make me feel safe? Do I feel understood and does he take my concerns seriously? Can I count on him if needed? Does he make me feel like a priority?
> 
> The issues with sex for me start happening when any one of those things is missing. My ex-husband fell under the first and third underlined item. Pogo falls under the second. This isn't to say they were at fault for making me feel those things. I'm just sharing with you how it works in my brain.
> 
> Women are all unique and they have different criteria for feeling sexual desire towards a partner but nevertheless, there is always a reason for a lack of desire. Not saying you did anything wrong in your marriage but just letting you know to never let a woman gaslight you into thinking women (in general) do not like sex. The vast majority do and will.


This is a good description. I've heard something similar from many women. TAM is like my place to study and learn. 

Obviously the physical attraction has to be there. That was never an issue between my ex and myself. It was just under her control 100% of the time. I just had to be ready at any given time that she wanted it. 

The emotional side of things? Everything you mentioned makes perfect sense. My ex is/was mentally unstable and avoidant. There's no way I was a perfect husband. I'm sure I screwed up on a weekly basis. Problem is, I don't know what I'm doing wrong if the person I'm talking to keeps running away and avoids any sort of discussion. I hope the next woman I come across wants to actually communicate. That will be a really interesting new experience. I'm used to 18 straight years of my exwife literally running away from having to speak with me. 

Making someone feel safe and being reliable and loyal? I can only say that I am definitely those things from my perspective. My ex doesn't feel safe around ANYBODY. She lives her life in fear. Being reliable and loyal is super easy for me to do. Making the woman a priority? Again, super easy to do (especially if the sex is enthusiastic and plentiful). 

I am extremely easy to please. In return, I give all of myself. If I'm gonna have fun, well then I'm gonna put in my max effort. I don't care to do things half-assed. It's a waste of time.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Not really, it would be great if I can get off on demand, because some sessions drag on and I struggle to finish especially when the heat comes in, starts getting sticky, sweat dripping into my eyes, makes it even harder.
> 
> At that point I normally just hurry and finish her then let her finish me because it's not nice for me anymore.


So turn up the AC! When I want some, I remove all possible obstacles very quietly😂


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> How the heck do you orgasm at will? For me it does what it wants and if it ain't feeling it, it ain't going to work. Many times I'm just not in the mood, but I do it anyway because you know, love and duty.
> 
> We lived in opposite worlds. For me, it was my duty to service them, and for you sex was denied.


I have a VERY HIGH sex drive. I can allow myself to be as sensitive to touch as I want. The female form is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm super excited every single time I get to see it. Every. Single. Time. If I just allow myself to be "me" in the moment, it is not a problem at all to orgasm within 1-2 minutes..... unless I'm under a lot of stress. And my exwife was a master at putting me under a lot of stress. 

I am usually doing many things to desensitize myself so I can go longer. This isn't an issue for me either. I can enjoy long or short. It all depends on which mindset I allow myself to be in at the moment. 

It would NEVER be duty for me to service a woman. Not possible. Even if I can't orgasm (like starting back up before the refractory period is over), I'm still game. I'll go as long as she wants. I'm super pumped if a woman wants me that bad that she can't even wait for my 30-40 minute refractory period!


----------



## Hiner112

LisaDiane said:


> Isn't 2-5 minutes normal for most men and women?
> 
> I know that there are women who like it to last a really long time, like @TXTrini, but from all of the other women I've ever talked to, longer than 5 minutes is NOT fun for them, especially if the guy is great at foreplay!
> 
> And I thought a man lasting longer was a sign that things aren't working right, and an early sign of ED...??


Being enveloped by her soft and warm wetness feels good regardless of whether we're just lying there kissing or doing something a bit more ... vigorous. You can definitely learn to manipulate your duration by varying the rhythm or doing a bit of teasing / shallowing if you feel yourself getting close. I sometimes find it difficult _not_ doing it if there's a time limit the habits have been so ingrained.

My GF has commented about how her previous experiences were generally 3 minutes give or take with a few exceptions. So, her experience matches the time you quote there. When I was younger (20s) lasting longer than that took thought and attention and it didn't always work. Now, I would be hard pressed to finish that quickly. It might be a (very) early sign of ED but aside from some mental issues when getting back into dating, that's the only sign. She seems to enjoy it. To a certain extent staying "in the saddle" for an extended period gives her a boost to her feeling of virility / desirability as much as it does me. When we're done, we'll laugh and high five and whatnot.


----------



## Not

Reminds me of this thread lately 😂😂


----------



## Lila

Random thought.....

I had no idea so many men believe that women wearing pretty thongs to work is a play out of the cheater's handbook. I guess I now have to add that as a screening question of potential dates. Question #4 "How do you feel about women who only wear thong underwear?". I'm sure there will be interesting responses. 😂😂


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Random thought.....
> 
> I had no idea so many men believe that women wearing pretty thongs to work is a play out of the cheater's handbook. I guess I now have to add that as a screening question of potential dates. Question #4 "How do you feel about women who only wear thong underwear?". I'm sure there will be interesting responses. 😂😂


My response:

Cool. Whatever floats your boat. I'm glad you are so open about this. I mean, I was a little nervous about telling you the only underwear I use is granny panties but now that you've been so open I..... Hey?! Where are you going?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Reminds me of this thread lately 😂😂


This is another way to go out that I'd be cool with. A close second to being suffocated by breasts.


----------



## Hiner112

Lila said:


> Random thought.....
> 
> I had no idea so many men believe that women wearing pretty thongs to work is a play out of the cheater's handbook. I guess I now have to add that as a screening question of potential dates. Question #4 "How do you feel about women who only wear thong underwear?". I'm sure there will be interesting responses. 😂😂


Early in the relationship: I don't think the kind of underwear my coworkers wear is really any of my business.

A few dates in: _smirk_ Assuming you're really asking how I would feel about _you_ wearing a thong to work, I'd mostly feel interested and excited. If you're willing, I think they should be a part of the standard uniform.


----------



## Hiner112

The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Edit: corrected quote



Not said:


> Reminds me of this thread lately 😂😂
> View attachment 91598


----------



## TXTrini

Hiner112 said:


> The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
> 
> Edit: corrected quote


Men are such babies sometimes 😂


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> My response:
> 
> Cool. Whatever floats your boat. I'm glad you are so open about this. I mean, I was a little nervous about telling you the only underwear I use is granny panties but now that you've been so open I..... Hey?! Where are you going?


😂. Granny panties? Definitely a non-compatibility.


----------



## Lila

Hiner112 said:


> A few dates in: _smirk_ Assuming you're really asking how I would feel about _you_ wearing a thong to work, I'd mostly feel interested and excited. If you're willing, I think they should be a part of the standard uniform.


The question would definitely be directed to the person you're seeing and not your co workers 😂.

And a few dates???? Pfft, this is date #2 territory. I've found I get a better feel for someone by asking off the wall yet innocuous questions like the thong one. The answers are telling.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is another way to go out that I'd be cool with. A close second to being suffocated by breasts.


I must be far too tired, because the first image that came to my mind when I read that was the Star Wars trash compacter scene, only full of boobs.


----------



## jlg07

Evinrude58 said:


> Because a man likes to know he can give his partner pleasure . We actually care whether she enjoys sex or not


I agree here Evinrude, plus I think it's the way WE think and how we experience orgasms.
If a GUY didn't orgasm during sex, that might be ok a few times because you can still be close to your wife/gf, but if the NORM it not orgasm, a GUY isn't going to be happy long-term. I guess because we'd think like this, we are worried that our partner would also and would get very discouraged/turned off by sex.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I must be far too tired, because the first image that came to my mind when I read that was the Star Wars trash compacter scene, only full of boobs.


Damn. That is quite an imagination!

I’m guessing you haven’t been in a situation where you almost motorboated yourself to death?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> So turn up the AC! When I want some, I remove all possible obstacles very quietly😂


By the time we remembered we were always already in the middle of the romp 😑

Also during the Aussie summer good luck even with AC!


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> The question would definitely be directed to the person you're seeing and not your co workers 😂.
> 
> And a few dates???? Pfft, this is date #2 territory. I've found I get a better feel for someone by asking off the wall yet innocuous questions like the thong one. The answers are telling.


Never understood the fascination of lingerie.

For me it's sexier if a woman is wrapped up in nothing than a towel than if she was all dressed in all that lace madness 

Not to mention at anytime she can say hello there!


----------



## Numb26

RandomDude said:


> Never understood the fascination of lingerie.
> 
> For me it's sexier if a woman is wrapped up in nothing than a towel than if she was all dressed in all that lace madness
> 
> Not to mention at anytime she can say hello there!
> 
> View attachment 91635


I'm the same. Lingerie is just wrapping paper on the real present.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Numb26 said:


> I'm the same. Lingerie is just wrapping paper on the real present.


Well, consider me the kid on Christmas. Half the fun for me is unwrapping my gifts!


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Never understood the fascination of lingerie.
> 
> For me it's sexier if a woman is wrapped up in nothing than a towel than if she was all dressed in all that lace madness


So regarding boobs and lingerie...does it matter to you at all what your lover wants and desires? Honest question because I'm curious about men saying these particular preferences of theirs, does your lover's preferences matter?

Now I'm sure you and others can tell me long lists of preferences of yours that your partner has ignored. So let's make an imaginary scenario like this: you have a partner who enthusiastically fulfils your preferences even if they aren't her preferences just because she wants to make you happy. In this scenario, are you going to do the same for her? Or is it just "meh I don't like boobs or lingerie so who cares what she wants". ??


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Well, consider me the kid on Christmas. Half the fun for me is unwrapping my gifts!


There seems to be a correlation here. Boob guy = likes lingerie. Non boob guy = doesn't like it. I have observed this in real life as well.


----------



## ewam

Faithful Wife said:


> There seems to be a correlation here. Boob guy = likes lingerie. Non boob guy = doesn't like it. I have observed this in real life as well.


not always, guy im with is very much into breasts but not at all into lingerie


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> There seems to be a correlation here. Boob guy = likes lingerie. Non boob guy = doesn't like it. I have observed this in real life as well.


I especially like the lingerie with the extra strip of material (looks like another strap that is above the cups). That looks extra special hot. Boobs tend look super awesome in lingerie… or out (with the rest of the lingerie still on). Speaking of which, I’m a huge fan of the lingerie with the “snaps” on the bottom. You know? Like the same snaps that are onesies. I was all like, “hmmm… brilliant idea. Great use of snaps!”


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> So regarding boobs and lingerie...does it matter to you at all what your lover wants and desires? Honest question because I'm curious about men saying these particular preferences of theirs, does your lover's preferences matter?
> 
> Now I'm sure you and others can tell me long lists of preferences of yours that your partner has ignored. So let's make an imaginary scenario like this: you have a partner who enthusiastically fulfils your preferences even if they aren't her preferences just because she wants to make you happy. In this scenario, are you going to do the same for her? Or is it just "meh I don't like boobs or lingerie so who cares what she wants". ??


One of the greatest things that can be given to me is for my partner to tell me what her preferences are (because of course I’m not a mind reader and subtlety will go straight over my head). If she takes the time to tell me, then I’m assuming that means she wants me to do them! That would be AMAZING. then of course I’d put in maximum effort to make sure I’m meeting those preferences.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Wait what?

I leave for a second and we’re talking about thong hate?

I love love love ‘em! I wish my wife would go whale tail in the house. She doesn’t like them which is sad because I accidentally buy them all the time for her and somehow they magically make it to the top of her panty drawer. 🤔


----------



## ccpowerslave

Re: lingerie being in the way

Not for me I leave it on. Pull it to the side or crotchless.


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> Never understood the fascination of lingerie.
> 
> For me it's sexier if a woman is wrapped up in nothing than a towel than if she was all dressed in all that lace madness
> 
> Not to mention at anytime she can say hello there!
> 
> View attachment 91635



@RandomDude thongs are underwear. Lingerie is lingerie. The two are not mutually exclusive.


----------



## RebuildingMe

So I worked at an offsite event yesterday for my company. I was paired up with a woman from a different division of the company. I’ve been there almost 17 years, heard her name but never met her before. We worked for about 5 hours, worked well together and got to talking. She’s super cute, 44 and divorced with two kids. She’s part Asian which I’ve never been attracted too, but she really looked good. She’s everything I’d never date, professional, same company, youngest is only 5, ethnicity. She’s a higher level manager than me. She never mentioned a “boyfriend” which is usually the go to bug repellent for women, so I think there might have been mutual interest. That said, there were over 80 companies represented at this event. Some of the largest in the country. A lot of them sent their hottest women, many under 30 that were super sexy and dressed to the nines. I think I was just horny all day.


----------



## Hiner112

Faithful Wife said:


> So regarding boobs and lingerie...does it matter to you at all what your lover wants and desires? Honest question because I'm curious about men saying these particular preferences of theirs, does your lover's preferences matter?
> 
> Now I'm sure you and others can tell me long lists of preferences of yours that your partner has ignored. So let's make an imaginary scenario like this: you have a partner who enthusiastically fulfils your preferences even if they aren't her preferences just because she wants to make you happy. In this scenario, are you going to do the same for her? Or is it just "meh I don't like boobs or lingerie so who cares what she wants". ??


If they're in a fancy lingerie contraption and I can't figure out where the hooks and clasps are to get her out of it, that's a problem. It's a bit of a mood killer if I have to go get the fabric scissors.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> So regarding boobs and lingerie...does it matter to you at all what your lover wants and desires? Honest question because I'm curious about men saying these particular preferences of theirs, does your lover's preferences matter?
> 
> Now I'm sure you and others can tell me long lists of preferences of yours that your partner has ignored. So let's make an imaginary scenario like this: you have a partner who enthusiastically fulfils your preferences even if they aren't her preferences just because she wants to make you happy. In this scenario, are you going to do the same for her? Or is it just "meh I don't like boobs or lingerie so who cares what she wants". ??


As is the case with every lover we find out what they want and desire and if we can forfill them.

For the towels vs lingerie, it's preferences. Not like any dude is going to tell their partner not to wear sexy lingerie if that's her thing.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> Wait what?
> 
> I leave for a second and we’re talking about thong hate?
> 
> I love love love ‘em! I wish my wife would go whale tail in the house. She doesn’t like them which is sad because I accidentally buy them all the time for her and somehow they magically make it to the top of her panty drawer. 🤔


Only in terms of sexiness. Just saying freshly showered in a towel is more of a trigger for me than seeing a woman in lingerie. 

I think it's the unwrapping factor, and knowing there's nothing underneath. Just the sight of it, it's a tease that floods the imagination.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> The question would definitely be directed to the person you're seeing and not your co workers 😂.
> 
> And a few dates???? Pfft, this is date #2 territory. I've found I get a better feel for someone by asking off the wall yet innocuous questions like the thong one. The answers are telling.


Good God, who the heck wants to know what drawers their coworkers wear? 😂Some **** I just never need to even contemplate BLEGH.


RandomDude said:


> By the time we remembered we were always already in the middle of the romp 😑
> 
> Also during the Aussie summer good luck even with AC!


Summer in TX ain't great either, I have a personal AC and table fan in addition to a ceiling fan and cooling sheets to get by.


----------



## jlg07

Hiner112 said:


> If they're in a fancy lingerie contraption and I can't figure out where the hooks and clasps are to get her out of it, that's a problem. It's a bit of a mood killer if I have to go get the fabric scissors.


I don't know -- I think "finding" where all those hidden nooks and crannies are hiding hooks and clasps is a LOT of fun!
I like to take that time to mosey around to see what I can find....


----------



## RandomDude

I dont know how folks look for a new relationship now, like thinking about it, I don't think I'll ever trust or be secure in a relationship anymore, anything can blow up in your face years down the track.

With that, I'm not even so sure I can be vulnerable enough for the cuddles I used to have, or if I can ever have that feeling of safety and contentment again. Its been a year, it's like I'm a different person now.

Sometimes I wonder if I mourn the person I used to be and the peace I used to have. Also if I really am just out of love to give because my heart is cold, empty and dry.


----------



## LisaDiane

RandomDude said:


> I dont know how folks look for a new relationship now, like thinking about it, I don't think I'll ever trust or be secure in a relationship anymore, anything can blow up in your face years down the track.
> 
> With that, I'm not even so sure I can be vulnerable enough for the cuddles I used to have, or if I can ever have that feeling of safety and contentment again. Its been a year, it's like I'm a different person now.
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if I mourn the person I used to be and the peace I used to have. Also if I really am just out of love to give because my heart is cold, empty and dry.


NOT AT ALL.
You are simply still WOUNDED and bruised from your experiences in relationships. This is very normal and a natural cycle when we are disappointed in love. You are readjusting emotionally and it's part of those growing pains. Give yourself time to heal, and you will see, your heart will open back up when it's ready.


----------



## Evinrude58

Faithful Wife said:


> There seems to be a correlation here. Boob guy = likes lingerie. Non boob guy = doesn't like it. I have observed this in real life as well.


I love some boobs and giving attention there, but never cared for lingerie. If a woman sends me pictures with it, I want to see her with it off, I’d love it if she was wearing some when I got home or in bed, but would just be trying to get it off.


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> NOT AT ALL.
> You are simply still WOUNDED and bruised from your experiences in relationships. This is very normal and a natural cycle when we are disappointed in love. You are readjusting emotionally and it's part of those growing pains. Give yourself time to heal, and you will see, your heart will open back up when it's ready.


It doesn't feel like it would be ready, too many memories now. The road I'm on emotionally, I know it's leading me to a place I hesitated to go even years ago, when I still held onto hope. Its pure acceptance of despair, but acceptance numbs the longing.

I'm still exposed to women when I do have to work, but I noticed my interest is very much zero. Though I still have my sexual triggers. In the end I think that's the only clink in the armor but it's a narrow one.

She would have to be like ms work crush, to be in a position where she shares my authority, to be contracted to work with me long enough, to have a great pair of legs in high heels, and to flirt with me for two months while with me throwing cold water at her 😅

And then I might chicken 🐔 out again because it's work 😑 but even if I don't... it'll probably be just like what happened with the law student, casual sex and as there isn't a future let it freeze over. I mean, too many stars to align, and I'm not the type of person who lowers standards, I just justify being alone.


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> I love some boobs and giving attention there, but never cared for lingerie. If a woman sends me pictures with it, I want to see her with it off, I’d love it if she was wearing some when I got home or in bed, but would just be trying to get it off.


Boobs are better flashed when she's wearing a towel. 

Curious for women, how about your partner flashing in a towel?


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> As is the case with every lover we find out what they want and desire and if we can forfill them.
> 
> For the towels vs lingerie, it's preferences. Not like any dude is going to tell their partner not to wear sexy lingerie if that's her thing.


Yes some dudes will say hey no thanks don’t bother with the lingerie I prefer you naked. And while they may think this is a compliment, it can actually feel like an insult. Because if we like the frilly fun stuff and think we look hot in it, but you don’t, then it can a huge let down and take away something fun from us.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Hiner112 said:


> If they're in a fancy lingerie contraption and I can't figure out where the hooks and clasps are to get her out of it, that's a problem. It's a bit of a mood killer if I have to go get the fabric scissors.


It should be looked at like a challenge at that point. If my man was so insane to get to me that he had to go get the scissors to get lingerie off of me I’d be shaking with anticipation.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Boobs are better flashed when she's wearing a towel.
> 
> Curious for women, how about your partner flashing in a towel?
> 
> View attachment 91664


Sure that’s awesome. But wrapping him up in something sexy for him to strip off for me is even better 😍


----------



## Faithful Wife

Evinrude58 said:


> I love some boobs and giving attention there, but never cared for lingerie. If a woman sends me pictures with it, I want to see her with it off, I’d love it if she was wearing some when I got home or in bed, but would just be trying to get it off.


I do understand this. But can you think of what she wants and allow her to express it in a way that doesn’t prioritize what you want? What if for her it’s an amazing turn on to see how it turns you on to peel these flimsy things off in a slow seduction rather than just whip them off at once?


----------



## Evinrude58

I can see that perspective, and assure you th


Faithful Wife said:


> I do understand this. But can you think of what she wants and allow her to express it in a way that doesn’t prioritize what you want? What if for her it’s an amazing turn on to see how it turns you on to peel these flimsy things off in a slow seduction rather than just whip them off at once?


I can see that perspective and assure you that we’re I to suspect she liked it, I’d be willing to slowly take it off with lots of kisses directed in each slowly exposed area.

The most fun I ever had taking off my ladies clothes, were unbuttoning a shirt and unzipping a skirt, watching them fall to the floor…..


----------



## jlg07

Faithful Wife said:


> I do understand this. But can you think of what she wants and allow her to express it in a way that doesn’t prioritize what you want? What if for her it’s an amazing turn on to see how it turns you on to peel these flimsy things off in a slow seduction rather than just whip them off at once?


I LOVE peeling...... just sayin'

Of course if my wife isn't in the mood to dress up, naked ALWAYS works!


----------



## Not

Strange weekend. I got stuck in a car wash for my first time and asked to jump someone’s car at a gas station. Haven’t jumped a car since high school. Weird juju.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Not said:


> Strange weekend. I got stuck in a car wash for my first time and asked to jump someone’s car at a gas station. Haven’t jumped a car since high school. Weird juju.


Sounds like my month. Weird juju indeed.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Do you guys realize that many of us have been on here for years? It gets harder and harder to find a SO as we age. Clock is ticking for a lot of us. Time is our enemy…


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Do you guys realize that many of us have been on here for years? It gets harder and harder to find a SO as we age. Clock is ticking for a lot of us. Time is our enemy…


 Just means we start catfishing and lying about our age lol!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Just means we start catfishing and lying about our age lol!


Lol. I think it’s time to start to face we may be alone for a while. I’m okay with that. Things are certainly strange out there.


----------



## TexasMom1216

jlg07 said:


> I LOVE peeling...... just sayin'


I was skimming the thread and read this as “I LOVE peeing.” I was all, weird flex but SAME, right? 😂 Sorry, back to the regularly scheduled thread.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Lol. I think it’s time to start to face we may be alone for a while. I’m okay with that. Things are certainly strange out there.


Yes they are. I’ve been staring down that barrel for a while. At 50 I am far too picky and that’s probably going to be my downfall but I’m OK with that because I wouldn’t be happy otherwise.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Yes they are. I’ve been staring down that barrel for a while. At 50 I am far too picky and that’s probably going to be my downfall but I’m OK with that because I wouldn’t be happy otherwise.


Agreed. I’m 51 and know what I’m looking for and won’t accept less. I’d rather be alone with my cat 🤣


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Agreed. I’m 51 and know what I’m looking for and won’t accept less. I’d rather be alone with my cat 🤣


What is it they say about women who get divorced? Do we need to go to a shelter or do the cats just show up at the door? 😂😂


----------



## Livvie

Not said:


> What is it they say about women who get divorced? Do we need to go to a shelter or do the cats just show up at the door? 😂😂


Why is it always cats, and not dogs?


----------



## LATERILUS79

I am thankful that I'm not all that picky. I mean, I certainly would be happy with a woman that ticks every single one of my boxes, but that isn't necessary. Just a woman show me some genuine desire and not cringe at my touch. That would be pretty sweet. I'm fine being alone, but I know me. I enjoy life a lot more if I have someone to share it with.


----------



## farsidejunky

Faithful Wife said:


> There seems to be a correlation here. Boob guy = likes lingerie. Non boob guy = doesn't like it. I have observed this in real life as well.


I'm a hips/ass guy, and I still love lingerie. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

I'm so anti social when I'm by myself, I initiate conversations with people and then regret it immediately getting stuck with them until its polite for me to excuse myself 😑

Another star to align, someone whose brain frequency I can tolerate 🙄


----------



## 342693

RebuildingMe said:


> Do you guys realize that many of us have been on here for years? It gets harder and harder to find a SO as we age. Clock is ticking for a lot of us. Time is our enemy…


Clock ticking as in wanting kids? Or just getting older? I'm 55 and somewhat dread dating again. It's like running a marathon..I got this far in life...and now I have to start over. The initial Q&A/getting to know someone phase...I know it's part of the process, but ugh. I want to date, have someone to enjoy life with. But the process sucks.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> I am thankful that I'm not all that picky. I mean, I certainly would be happy with a woman that ticks every single one of my boxes, but that isn't necessary. Just a woman show me some genuine desire and not cringe at my touch. That would be pretty sweet. I'm fine being alone, but I know me. I enjoy life a lot more if I have someone to share it with.


I don't know your current situation, can you recap it for me? Are you in the middle of a D and looking forward to dating at some point soon? Or will it be not so soon?


----------



## RebuildingMe

SCDad01 said:


> Clock ticking as in wanting kids? Or just getting older? I'm 55 and somewhat dread dating again. It's like running a marathon..I got this far in life...and now I have to start over. The initial Q&A/getting to know someone phase...I know it's part of the process, but ugh. I want to date, have someone to enjoy life with. But the process sucks.


No more kids! Clock ticking in terms of getting older, looks fading, shrinking the pool of candidates and just more and more time living on my own making it harder for me to incorporate another person in my life.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RebuildingMe said:


> Agreed. I’m 51 and know what I’m looking for and won’t accept less. I’d rather be alone with my cat 🤣


I got a parakeet in July and he's been the best companion I could have hoped for. And frankly, it's more fun hanging out with him than goofing around on dating apps. 

I also have a great close network of friends, my kids, grandkids and my brother. I'm not going to pursue any new relationships for now and I realize that might mean I never do again. I'm ok with that.

And...this one in particular I know may make you in particular cringe, but I have a great relationship with my ex-h. We get together twice a week and do kareoke at my place. Sometimes one of my kids or brother or friends joins us too, and the parakeet sings along happily - the bird actually looks forward to it every week and gets so excited when I tell him "guess who is coming to sing tonight?!" 

We do not have any kind of sexual or romantic relationship, just family type of love and respect and true friendship. He is also the best dad figure my (now adult) son ever had so those two remain very close as well.

I have no motivation to date or even flirt with anyone at this point. But I will say that during the past 5 or 6 years I've had a lot of fun, a lot of great dates and great sex, and I don't really fell like I've missed out on anything. So maybe now is the time I just date myself.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't know your current situation, can you recap it for me? Are you in the middle of a D and looking forward to dating at some point soon? Or will it be not so soon?


Divorce finalized on August 2nd. 

I have a couple of very small loose ends that I want completed before I tell the general public here EVERYTHING. You can look in my thread for a generalized overview of what happened. 

Basically, the longer I’m here on TAM and learn more from women, the more I realize I was married to a terrible person. I won’t call her evil… but she was extremely selfish and treated me very, very bad.


----------



## 342693

RebuildingMe said:


> No more kids! Clock ticking in terms of getting older, looks fading, shrinking the pool of candidates and just more and more time living on my own making it harder for me to incorporate another person in my life.


I’m the exact same


----------



## Evinrude58

LATERILUS79 said:


> I am thankful that I'm not all that picky. I mean, I certainly would be happy with a woman that ticks every single one of my boxes, but that isn't necessary. Just a woman show me some genuine desire and not cringe at my touch. That would be pretty sweet. I'm fine being alone, but I know me. I enjoy life a lot more if I have someone to share it with.


you’ll find that quickly abd won’t be satisfied with it like you think.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Evinrude58 said:


> you’ll find that quickly abd won’t be satisfied with it like you think.


I can see your point, Evinrude. I also trust that you could very well be correct. 

It is difficult for me to imagine what the "real world" is like. I know I get a glimpse of it here, but I'm still only about a year into really having my eyes opened. My exwife kept my knowledge to a minimum - of course that isn't her fault. It is my fault for allowing myself to be manipulated and gaslit for so long. I should have asked questions years ago instead of finally finding this place last year. 

Point is, my exwife sucks ass so bad that my bar at the moment is pretty low. It would take a very little amount of effort for a woman to be leaps and bounds better than my exwife... so in a sense, I see what you are saying and I need to be careful. A nice rack and strong desire towards me could easily grab my attention and I need to be careful when it comes to red flags. I'm not dumb though. It would take a massive undertaking to get me to marry again so I don't see anyone in my near future draining my bank account again. 

Even with all of that, of course there are things that I really want in a woman. I want engaging conversations. I don't want her to literally run away from me if the conversation gets even slightly uncomfortable. I want a woman that wants sex A LOT. I want to lead and not be undermined at every single corner. I mean... simple things, really. It doesn't take much to please me. A common interest or two would be pretty nice as well. Maybe my standards increase over time after I date? I don't know. I just see a lot of relationships here where people get divorced and I think to myself, "Hmmm.... at least they both liked x,y,z and had that in common.". 🤣


----------



## leftfield

Hiner112 said:


> If they're in a fancy lingerie contraption and I can't figure out where the hooks and clasps are to get her out of it, that's a problem. It's a bit of a mood killer if I have to go get the fabric scissors.


I don't know why this is a mood killer. My wife has a front clasp bra that I have never taken the time to figure out. Instead I have told her that I'm getting the scissors and making a permanent end to that problem. Now she is looking forward to me cutting it off her. We have different ideas on how that is going to play out though.


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> you’ll find that quickly abd won’t be satisfied with it like you think.


Yes once the itch is scratched you need more to be motivated to stick around. None I dated have been fun enough, compare that to an ex who was very clingy but her company I never tired of even if she never shut up all day, it was open and transparent companionship.

In fact I never let anyone into my life like that, not for 32 years. Another reason that the odds are just too stacked for me to get involved again. 🙄

Now I'm like hi, and they are like oh hi blah blah blah and I'm like whoops woke up the wrong tree 😑


----------



## lifeistooshort

LATERILUS79 said:


> I can see your point, Evinrude. I also trust that you could very well be correct.
> 
> It is difficult for me to imagine what the "real world" is like. I know I get a glimpse of it here, but I'm still only about a year into really having my eyes opened. My exwife kept my knowledge to a minimum - of course that isn't her fault. It is my fault for allowing myself to be manipulated and gaslit for so long. I should have asked questions years ago instead of finally finding this place last year.
> 
> Point is, my exwife sucks ass so bad that my bar at the moment is pretty low. It would take a very little amount of effort for a woman to be leaps and bounds better than my exwife... so in a sense, I see what you are saying and I need to be careful. A nice rack and strong desire towards me could easily grab my attention and I need to be careful when it comes to red flags. I'm not dumb though. It would take a massive undertaking to get me to marry again so I don't see anyone in my near future draining my bank account again.
> 
> Even with all of that, of course there are things that I really want in a woman. I want engaging conversations. I don't want her to literally run away from me if the conversation gets even slightly uncomfortable. I want a woman that wants sex A LOT. I want to lead and not be undermined at every single corner. I mean... simple things, really. It doesn't take much to please me. A common interest or two would be pretty nice as well. Maybe my standards increase over time after I date? I don't know. I just see a lot of relationships here where people get divorced and I think to myself, "Hmmm.... at least they both liked x,y,z and had that in common.". 🤣


I made this mistake with my ex. My kids father was such an asshole that the first guy that wasn't a compete ass seemed pretty good.

That's how I got a conflict avoid passive aggressive nasty phony who painted a phony smile on his face and played dumb. And kept an ex gf on the side.

My kids father was an ass but at least he was honest.

Take some time to heal and see what you really want. I should've done that and likely wouldn't have married #2.

Fortunately my current bf seems to be working out well because we're highly compatibility. And while he is a bit conflict avoidant he's not phony and nothing about him is shady. I had a lot of counseling after hb #2....I recommend it if you haven’t.


----------



## jlg07

LATERILUS79 said:


> It would take a very little amount of effort for a woman to be leaps and bounds better than my exwife


And THAT is what you have to be VERY careful with LIL79 -- don't just jump in both feet first at the first one that is "better" than your XW. Take your time, keep your eyes open for red flags, and make sure that YOU have a firm understanding of your boundaries and what you will accept or not accept.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> I want a woman that wants sex A LOT.


Then I suggest dating someone in their 20's. You're likely not going to fill this with a middle aged woman, at least not the frequency and for the duration you are looking for. Most women are going to be divorced with kids and won't be prioritizing you and your sexual needs at the pace that your are looking for. The only other option is to live with them, which I cannot recommend as an option (at least for me). Anyone older than you and you have the dreaded menopause (I have not had any experience with that but you hear horror stories on TAM). I don't want to throw cold water on your anticipated return to the dating world, however, you might want to lower the sexual expectations. Although, there's a distinct possibility that _any _sex will be better than the sex with your ex was. That's one of the first things I noticed.


----------



## ConanHub

RebuildingMe said:


> Then I suggest dating someone in their 20's. You're likely not going to fill this with a middle aged woman, at least not the frequency and for the duration you are looking for. Most women are going to be divorced with kids and won't be prioritizing you and your sexual needs at the pace that your are looking for. The only other option is to live with them, which I cannot recommend as an option (at least for me). Anyone older than you and you have the dreaded menopause (I have not had any experience with that but you hear horror stories on TAM). I don't want to throw cold water on your anticipated return to the dating world, however, you might want to lower the sexual expectations. Although, there's a distinct possibility that _any _sex will be better than the sex with your ex was. That's one of the first things I noticed.


Ummm... There are actually a large number of women coming into their sexual prime in their mid thirties through their fourties and even into their fifties.


----------



## LATERILUS79

lifeistooshort said:


> I made this mistake with my ex. My kids father was such an asshole that the first guy that wasn't a compete ass seemed pretty good.
> 
> That's how I got a conflict avoid passive aggressive nasty phony who painted a phony smile on his face and played dumb. And kept an ex gf on the side.
> 
> My kids father was an ass but at least he was honest.
> 
> Take some time to heal and see what you really want. I should've done that and likely wouldn't have married #2.
> 
> Fortunately my current bf seems to be working out well because we're highly compatibility. And while he is a bit conflict avoidant he's not phony and nothing about him is shady. I had a lot of counseling after hb #2....I recommend it if you haven’t.





jlg07 said:


> And THAT is what you have to be VERY careful with LIL79 -- don't just jump in both feet first at the first one that is "better" than your XW. Take your time, keep your eyes open for red flags, and make sure that YOU have a firm understanding of your boundaries and what you will accept or not accept.


I'm fine. I am as healed as I'm going to be. 
I have learned a great deal from here and I'm well aware that allowing a few of my preferences clouding my judgment will cause me a lot of problems down the road. that's why I said what I said. I know what to look out for. 

I highly doubt I'll ever jump two feet into another situation. I can't imagine myself getting married again (never say never... but it would have to be someone exceptionally special). I played my part and got out without my exwife completely destroying my finances. I like to save money and set myself up for a "in case of" situation. Well, that situation happened and I spent my "in case of" money. I'm in good shape financially - but I don't have my "in case of" money right now. Last thing I'm going to do is let someone drain my account (or steal my damn house) again.



RebuildingMe said:


> Then I suggest dating someone in their 20's. You're likely not going to fill this with a middle aged woman, at least not the frequency and for the duration you are looking for. Most women are going to be divorced with kids and won't be prioritizing you and your sexual needs at the pace that your are looking for. The only other option is to live with them, which I cannot recommend as an option (at least for me). Anyone older than you and you have the dreaded menopause (I have not had any experience with that but you hear horror stories on TAM). I don't want to throw cold water on your anticipated return to the dating world, however, you might want to lower the sexual expectations. Although, there's a distinct possibility that _any _sex will be better than the sex with your ex was. That's one of the first things I noticed.


If a woman cannot make me a priority, then I won't make her a priority. I will never make that mistake ever again. I'll be looking out for me and what I need in life. Either a future woman is walking along the same path as me, or we can go our separate ways. No harm, no foul. I'm not going to beg for sex. I'm not going to screw up my schedule to try to find time for sex... It just isn't worth all of that. I'm certain I can find a woman in the 35-45 range that is similar to me and knows how to "make time" when the other person is important. I've got things I gotta do as well. I've got to take care of my kids as well. If the gal is important to me, I'll make time. I expect the same in return. If she can't... well, that's ok. I won't go out of my way either. 

I'm not saying it is going to be easy to find someone new. I can wait.


----------



## RebuildingMe

ConanHub said:


> Ummm... There are actually a large number of women coming into their sexual prime in their mid thirties through their fourties and even into their fifties.


Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been post divorce. As far as the frequency is concerned, since I don’t live with them it’s been lower, as I expected. If a woman has her young kids 24/28 nights a month (every other weekend dad) expecting sex 5x a week is unlikely IMO. That was the point of my post, which may have missed the mark.


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been post divorce. As far as the frequency is concerned, since I don’t live with them it’s been lower, as I expected. If a woman has her young kids 24/28 nights a month (every other weekend dad) expecting sex 5x a week is unlikely IMO. That was the point of my post, which may have missed the mark.


People don't have sex when their kids are in the house? That's WEIRD...I always did, no matter what age they were...


----------



## ConanHub

RebuildingMe said:


> Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been post divorce. As far as the frequency is concerned, since I don’t live with them it’s been lower, as I expected. If a woman has her young kids 24/28 nights a month (every other weekend dad) expecting sex 5x a week is unlikely IMO. That was the point of my post, which may have missed the mark.


Small kids. Absolutely.👍


----------



## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> People don't have sex when their kids are in the house? That's WEIRD...I always did, no matter what age they were...


Not really. Maybe with a husband/kids dad since they are sleeping in same room? Boyfriend, sex is not so easy with tweens/teenagers hanging around. For me, I have a big house, so even if my kids are here we have privacy. Not everyone has those arrangements. I suppose the single women with kids living at home can chime in.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> Not really. Maybe with a husband/kids dad since they are sleeping in same room? Boyfriend, sex is not so easy with tweens/teenagers hanging around. For me, I have a big house, so even if my kids are here we have privacy. Not everyone has those arrangements. I suppose the single women with kids living at home can chime in.


My kids are older, 21 and 19, but they live with me. We have sex here all the time but it's early in the morning when they're usually asleep.

And while my house isn't huge they have the hallway rooms and I have the master which is little ways away.

Also we're pretty quiet


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> I'm fine. I am as healed as I'm going to be.
> I have learned a great deal from here and I'm well aware that allowing a few of my preferences clouding my judgment will cause me a lot of problems down the road. that's why I said what I said. I know what to look out for.
> 
> I highly doubt I'll ever jump two feet into another situation. I can't imagine myself getting married again (never say never... but it would have to be someone exceptionally special). I played my part and got out without my exwife completely destroying my finances. I like to save money and set myself up for a "in case of" situation. Well, that situation happened and I spent my "in case of" money. I'm in good shape financially - but I don't have my "in case of" money right now. Last thing I'm going to do is let someone drain my account (or steal my damn house) again.
> 
> 
> 
> If a woman cannot make me a priority, then I won't make her a priority. I will never make that mistake ever again. I'll be looking out for me and what I need in life. Either a future woman is walking along the same path as me, or we can go our separate ways. No harm, no foul. I'm not going to beg for sex. I'm not going to screw up my schedule to try to find time for sex... It just isn't worth all of that. I'm certain I can find a woman in the 35-45 range that is similar to me and knows how to "make time" when the other person is important. I've got things I gotta do as well. I've got to take care of my kids as well. If the gal is important to me, I'll make time. I expect the same in return. If she can't... well, that's ok. I won't go out of my way either.
> 
> I'm not saying it is going to be easy to find someone new. I can wait.


You‘re going to be just fine and the reason for that is there’s no rush. You know to give those red flags plenty of time to reveal themselves and if they’re there they’ll def pop out. Trying to hide serious flaws can only be done for so long. After a while it gets to be like trying to hold a beach ball underwater, it’s gonna come flying up through the surface regardless.

As far as sex drive and age goes we really can’t generalize. There are women out there in their 20s who are absolute prudes and women in their 60’s with massive body counts lol! It’s going to be the luck of the draw really.


----------



## LATERILUS79

😂

Imma try not to let these recent comments depress me for my eventual upcoming dating life. This thread has enough depressing comments as is!

Life happens. I get it. Kids are a huge part of life for anyone that I am going to date. The woman I date will clearly see the same thing in reverse (I have 2 kids that will be 10 soon). I am looking for a woman that makes me a priority. I’m not saying I am above her children just like she isn’t above mine - but if I’m not a priority, then there is no reason to continue dating long term. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the treatment I got from my exwife where I was so low on the priority list that I didn’t even register. 

If I run into a woman that simply cannot do anything without checking on her kids every few minutes or answering them every single time they say mommy… then that isn’t the woman I am looking for.


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> 😂
> 
> Imma try not to let these recent comments depress me for my eventual upcoming dating life. This thread has enough depressing comments as is!
> 
> Life happens. I get it. Kids are a huge part of life for anyone that I am going to date. The woman I date will clearly see the same thing in reverse (I have 2 kids that will be 10 soon). I am looking for a woman that makes me a priority. I’m not saying I am above her children just like she isn’t above mine - but if I’m not a priority, then there is no reason to continue dating long term. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the treatment I got from my exwife where I was so low on the priority list that I didn’t even register.
> 
> If I run into a woman that simply cannot do anything without checking on her kids every few minutes or answering them every single time they say mommy… then that isn’t the woman I am looking for.


And just remember, you live in a very different area than the people who are commenting about their experiences. So everything that is said here should be taken very generally.

You won't know the types of women that will be available to you until YOU venture out there!! And your level of success will have to do with YOUR needs, desires, and standards...no one else's.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> 😂
> 
> Imma try not to let these recent comments depress me for my eventual upcoming dating life. This thread has enough depressing comments as is!
> 
> Life happens. I get it. Kids are a huge part of life for anyone that I am going to date. The woman I date will clearly see the same thing in reverse (I have 2 kids that will be 10 soon). I am looking for a woman that makes me a priority. I’m not saying I am above her children just like she isn’t above mine - but if I’m not a priority, then there is no reason to continue dating long term. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the treatment I got from my exwife where I was so low on the priority list that I didn’t even register.
> 
> If I run into a woman that simply cannot do anything without checking on her kids every few minutes or answering them every single time they say mommy… then that isn’t the woman I am looking for.


I think you will be okay. I’m not trying to depress you or anyone. I am only speaking from what my experience has been. I remember a second date with an older woman (she lied about her age. Said she was 50 but was really 56). Anyway, we are at the beach, wine, food, music. We start getting down to business. Just getting to the point of…well….public sex and then her 20 year old son calls. Drunk on a fishing trip, throwing up and needs a ride home. I didn’t see her again after that.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> 😂
> 
> Imma try not to let these recent comments depress me for my eventual upcoming dating life. This thread has enough depressing comments as is!
> 
> Life happens. I get it. Kids are a huge part of life for anyone that I am going to date. The woman I date will clearly see the same thing in reverse (I have 2 kids that will be 10 soon). I am looking for a woman that makes me a priority. I’m not saying I am above her children just like she isn’t above mine - but if I’m not a priority, then there is no reason to continue dating long term. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the treatment I got from my exwife where I was so low on the priority list that I didn’t even register.
> 
> If I run into a woman that simply cannot do anything without checking on her kids every few minutes or answering them every single time they say mommy… then that isn’t the woman I am looking for.


I wonder if I'm depressing people by sharing my metaphorsis and acceptance of despair 

But 'tis only my reality and one must make their decisions in life accordingly. Not everyone is an antisocial sociopath like me 😋

Quite frankly I don't know how I got into so many relationships the way that I am. Oh that's right, it's because I'm sexy 😅 but Im not all that anymore getting older ... 😑 hence the despair...


----------



## Hiner112

LATERILUS79 said:


> I am thankful that I'm not all that picky. I mean, I certainly would be happy with a woman that ticks every single one of my boxes, but that isn't necessary. Just a woman show me some genuine desire and not cringe at my touch. That would be pretty sweet. I'm fine being alone, but I know me. I enjoy life a lot more if I have someone to share it with.


Fellow not picky guy here. I didn't have a lot of "boxes" that needed "checking" and the person that I went on my first post-divorce date with is the same person I'm with now. It took a while to get used to the fact that she looks forward to me touching her and my hobbies being accepted and supported instead of being tolerated. I wasn't really sure what to hope for in a partner but in a lot of ways what I have will be what I would look for in the future if this doesn't work out for some reason.

That's all to say that you have every right to hope to be surprised by joy.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I wonder if I'm depressing people by sharing my metaphorsis and acceptance of despair
> 
> But 'tis only my reality and one must make their decisions in life accordingly. Not everyone is an antisocial sociopath like me 😋
> 
> Quite frankly I don't know how I got into so many relationships the way that I am. Oh that's right, it's because I'm sexy 😅 but Im not all that anymore getting older ... 😑 hence the despair...


I don't think you sound depressing, more like a woman who is bemoaning her decline and refuses to mature gracefully. Time waits for no man/woman, so either get with the program or get marched on. 

It's your choice if you want to jump into that "hole of despair " and wallow. Everyone ages and gets less sexy, that's life. If you can't find a way to accept it, you're going to suffer even more. 

Btw, speaking as a fellow antisocial person, albeit not a sociopath.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I don't think you sound depressing, more like a woman who is bemoaning her decline and refuses to mature gracefully. Time waits for no man/woman, so either get with the program or get marched on.
> 
> It's your choice if you want to jump into that "hole of despair " and wallow. Everyone ages and gets less sexy, that's life. If you can't find a way to accept it, you're going to suffer even more.
> 
> Btw, speaking as a fellow antisocial person, albeit not a sociopath.


I wouldn't despair if I wasn't concerned about my options, they are limited as they are despite the opportunities as I am finding I can't stand most people, and now I'm becoming an old fart too 😑

Now that I found myself again I'm even less patient, especially after scratching the itch my tolerance for blabber just for sex has also become meh. I'm more justifying to myself to stay single for good with my wallowing because I don't want it but my body craves these apparent chemical releases 🙄

Namely the cuddle feeling that is persistently annoying me as the one thing I no longer can get in life (without a lot of bs associated with the package) 😑 sex is easier to get than I thought but whatever gets triggered with cuddles is impossible!


----------



## LATERILUS79

How old are you that you consider yourself an old fart?


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> How old are you that you consider yourself an old fart?


I believe he is 36 1/2 (I gave you that 1/2yr @RandomDude, because I'm sure you are counting the months).

As a woman who just turned 53, I can say you are just a kid!!!! Heck, I still feel like a kid...lol!!! I get excited about fireflies and swimming and when I find a yummy new recipe to try and when my favorite movies are on and when my fig tree has fruit on it (and I don't even know what to do with figs, they are piling up in my freezer! Lol!!)...

You aren't even in your 40s yet, which is the best time for men...men get SO sexy when they get past 40!!! And you haven't even experienced the great things about getting older yet!! You have so much life left to enjoy!!!!!

Just remember...your life and attitude are what YOU make of it. You can stay open and welcoming of all the things that happen, or you can close up and shut yourself down to everything...it will be your choice. Yes, there is some bad...but there is SO MUCH GOOD to see and do and feel, every day can be happy if you want it to be!!!!


----------



## LATERILUS79

What?! 36!!!!! Is this true, @RandomDude?

You are complaining about being old? 

Son, when I was 36, I was still launching myself off jumps on mountains (on my mountain bike) that I had no business doing! I'd crash, cartwheel down the mountain a bit, head the hospital, heal back up. 

What do you mean you are too old? Hell, if I was still 36, I'd consider having more kids! 

Why are you so eager to give up? This is what I don't understand. I'm 43 now and I see my best years ahead of me. Maybe its because my relationship life was so damn toxic, but damn... I'm REALLY looking forward to being with a woman again.


----------



## ewam

i love your positive attitude and yes you can meet new love at any age, its like older people in nursing homes start sharing bedrooms because they started relationship with fellow residents and those people might be in their late 80s


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> I believe he is 36 1/2 (I gave you that 1/2yr @RandomDude, because I'm sure you are counting the months).
> 
> As a woman who just turned 53, I can say you are just a kid!!!! Heck, I still feel like a kid...lol!!! I get excited about fireflies and swimming and when I find a yummy new recipe to try and when my favorite movies are on and when my fig tree has fruit on it (and I don't even know what to do with figs, they are piling up in my freezer! Lol!!)...
> 
> You aren't even in your 40s yet, which is the best time for men...men get SO sexy when they get past 40!!! And you haven't even experienced the great things about getting older yet!! You have so much life left to enjoy!!!!!
> 
> Just remember...your life and attitude are what YOU make of it. You can stay open and welcoming of all the things that happen, or you can close up and shut yourself down to everything...it will be your choice. Yes, there is some bad...but there is SO MUCH GOOD to see and do and feel, every day can be happy if you want it to be!!!!





LATERILUS79 said:


> What?! 36!!!!! Is this true, @RandomDude?
> 
> You are complaining about being old?
> 
> Son, when I was 36, I was still launching myself off jumps on mountains (on my mountain bike) that I had no business doing! I'd crash, cartwheel down the mountain a bit, head the hospital, heal back up.
> 
> What do you mean you are too old? Hell, if I was still 36, I'd consider having more kids!
> 
> Why are you so eager to give up? This is what I don't understand. I'm 43 now and I see my best years ahead of me. Maybe its because my relationship life was so damn toxic, but damn... I'm REALLY looking forward to being with a woman again.


It's simply because I don't see it logically happening. There's always two personalities of me, on one hand, I don't want to get close to anyone, I want everyone to leave me alone and I find joy in solitude and freedom. On the other hand, I'm bloody human and still likes companionship (1 is enough to open up to), sex and cuddles. The two are always at odds.

The only reason I was so vulnerable with my ex as well was because of an ethical loophole that both sides of me acknowledged. She was just 18 but I knew she had already fallen for me. I felt a sense of responsibility to at least give her a love relationship. 

That's one side of it, in addition to all my standards for looks, height, race, religion, not to mention wavelength that I can put up with. Yes unlike many introverts I appreciate the cantshuddupness of extroverts, but what comes out of their mouth needs some substance from time to time.

Also there's the fact that I am semi retired and I've done my work for... the year 🤣 I have enough business to keep us running and I'm not exposed at all to other women, daughter's friends mums not interested in them, I also don't drink I don't smoke, and although I did want to join a dance class my lone wolf self says no. So that in addition to the side of me that wants to close up to everything its just not going to happen 🙄

Still, life has given me a lot of loopholes, like my ex, even ms work crush, she was in a UNIQUE position to be able to flirt with me with no consequence. But I ain't counting on my luck, even if its been "good".

PS I'm not rich, I just live within my means and low material maintenance.


----------



## RebuildingMe

@LisaDiane one of the most positive and cheerful posters on TAM! Not jaded after two divorces. You’re awesome! Spread some of that cheer up to NY please 🤣


----------



## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> @LisaDiane one of the most positive and cheerful posters on TAM! Not jaded after two divorces. You’re awesome! Spread some of that cheer up to NY please 🤣


Thanks for saying that!!!

I will send my fairy dust of happiness up to you!!!! Lol!!  🧚‍♀️ 🏹


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> Thanks for saying that!!!
> 
> I will send my fairy dust of happiness up to you!!!! Lol!!  🧚‍♀️ 🏹


I'm happy too, like really I live a very comfy life now I'm just realistic about my odds the way I'm living my life right now knowing I simply don't want relationships enough to try again.

Someone like me should be thankful I got to experience how it felt to be in love with someone and not just love them out of principle. 

I just wish I didn't have to miss cuddles, I always liked cuddles but the last one was especially different because of how vulnerable I was, it felt so much better like I could be in her arms forever. But I know I can never have my guard down like that again.

Which kinda sux


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> I'm happy too, like really I live a very comfy life now I'm just realistic about my odds the way I'm living my life right now knowing I simply don't want relationships enough to try again.
> 
> Someone like me should be thankful I got to experience how it felt to be in love with someone and not just love them out of principle.
> 
> I just wish I didn't have to miss cuddles, I always liked cuddles but the last one was especially different because of how vulnerable I was, it felt so much better like I could be in her arms forever. But I know I can never have my guard down like that again.
> 
> Which kinda sux


you mentioned that one of your requirements for women is race. I personally don't have that requirement and am open to all women. I LOVE the female form and I've seen all races have the exact body type that I love. 

But no judgement here. If there is a specific race you want, then that is what you want. I am curious though if you live in an area where there is an abundance of that race with women? If not, why not move somewhere in the world where you can be around many, many more women that are of the race you want?


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> you mentioned that one of your requirements for women is race. I personally don't have that requirement and am open to all women. I LOVE the female form and I've seen all races have the exact body type that I love.
> 
> But no judgement here. If there is a specific race you want, then that is what you want. I am curious though if you live in an area where there is an abundance of that race with women? If not, why not move somewhere in the world where you can be around many, many more women that are of the race you want?


Only a requirement for long term, casual fun is on an individual basis. I'm surrounded by the races I like so it's fine.

The thing is, when I went on my 5 month dating spree, all I got in the end was something casual, but I had all these stupid standards looking for a relationship again, wasted so much time, so it took me like 4 months before getting any. Now I'm like, meh, just going to cut the bull crap if the itch comes again.


----------



## Evinrude58

I don’t care about race, but I care about cultures. I have found a few cultures that have qualities I appreciate.... and some cultures that I don’t appreciate at all or have few qualities I admire.


----------



## Numb26

I'm just having fun! I put very few requirements on who I date but I do stick to them.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I wouldn't despair if I wasn't concerned about my options, they are limited as they are despite the opportunities as I am finding I can't stand most people, and now I'm becoming an old fart too 😑
> 
> Now that I found myself again I'm even less patient, especially after scratching the itch my tolerance for blabber just for sex has also become meh. I'm more justifying to myself to stay single for good with my wallowing because I don't want it but my body craves these apparent chemical releases 🙄
> 
> Namely the cuddle feeling that is persistently annoying me as the one thing I no longer can get in life (without a lot of bs associated with the package) 😑 sex is easier to get than I thought but whatever gets triggered with cuddles is impossible!


Honestly, I think you're being melodramatic. As a fellow misanthropic hermit, you sound like you are more tolerant than me 😂. No effin way I could deal with a blabbermouth that couldn't shut up or let me have my alone time. 

It was simply luck, and willingness to take a chance because the timing sure sucked donkey balls for me. Anyway, the moral of the story is, keep your eyes peeled, and be ok with being flexible. Sometimes people walk into your life who simply cannot be denied, and that doesn't come around often at all if ever.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Honestly, I think you're being melodramatic. As a fellow misanthropic hermit, you sound like you are more tolerant than me 😂. No effin way I could deal with a blabbermouth that couldn't shut up or let me have my alone time.


That's because having my own blabbermouth allowed me to be social without being social. I also just had to bring them along to gatherings and it became cruisy nights without having to be drained by people 😅 

Also once you have a connection with an extrovert they aren't so draining (all the time) when your mind is in sync.



> It was simply luck, and willingness to take a chance because the timing sure sucked donkey balls for me. Anyway, the moral of the story is, keep your eyes peeled, and be ok with being flexible. *Sometimes people walk into your life who simply cannot be denied, and that doesn't come around often at all if ever.*


The last time that happened I went on a horny dating spree looking for her specific body type because I did not want to risk mixing business and sex. 

It wasn't a good thing 😑 imagine if I got into a relationship based on lust because that was all that was driving me! Good thing they all didn't work out and the sex was with someone happy to share it without the necessity of a relationship. The whole thing could have gone worse!


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t care about race, but I care about cultures. I have found a few cultures that have qualities I appreciate.... and some cultures that I don’t appreciate at all or have few qualities I admire.


Same as religion.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Well I have no life so I'll share this cute bird story, he's basically my boyfriend anyway 

So this morning around 6 AM I was woken up by the sound of my parakeet birdie furiously flying around in his cage. I don't even take the blanket off and wake him up until 8 AM so this was super weird. I went to investigate, took his blanket off, and he was sitting on the bottom of his cage all the way up into the corner closest to me. He never hangs out on the bottom of his cage so I was even more confused. He wouldn't move for a long time so finally I put my hand in the cage to make him move to make sure his foot wasn't caught or something. He did move and hopped onto a perch, but a very low one - which is odd, he will normally go for the highest perch near his toys if he is freaked out about something. He sat on the low perch eerily still, like a stuffed parrot, just staring at me! I was like what the heck is going on??? He sat like that for at least half an hour without moving! I had to put my hand in the cage again just to make sure he would fly, like what if his wing was injured or something? He did fly, sat on another perch frozen still staring at me a bit longer! After about an hour, he went to his usual place and started behaving normally again, chirping, got a drink of water, ate some food, etc.

I kept an eye on him for a bit and he seem back to normal. Then around 10 AM a friend texted me to ask if I had felt the earthquake! OMG I immediately went to look this up and sure enough, there was a 4.4 earthquake in our area at 5:52 AM! My poor little buddy was just reacting to the earthquake and doing exactly what animals do! He instinctively knew the bottom of the cage in the corner was the most sturdy point, and that was also why he didn't go up to the higher perch when I shooed him.

The way he was completely still and staring at me all makes sense now, too. He was clearly asking me WTF was going on! Here I was not even knowing it had happened.

Anyway that's the highlight of my week. sigh.....


----------



## Bulfrog1987

Back from Mexico. I learned on the trip that I still got something that catches the eye. So that was encouraging. But, think I’m going to intentional not put myself out there for a little longer. 

What is everyone’s Friday night looking like?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Hiner112 said:


> Fellow not picky guy here. I didn't have a lot of "boxes" that needed "checking" and the person that I went on my first post-divorce date with is the same person I'm with now. It took a while to get used to the fact that she looks forward to me touching her and my hobbies being accepted and supported instead of being tolerated. I wasn't really sure what to hope for in a partner but in a lot of ways what I have will be what I would look for in the future if this doesn't work out for some reason.
> 
> That's all to say that you have every right to hope to be surprised by joy.


Same here. My bf was my first post divorce date and it's been 4 years. I'm quite happy with him.....there have been a couple of issues but nothing insurmountable.

I think I lucked out with the timing, and he's not much of a date around type. 

I don't know that I have a list that I look for. I'd say I just evaluate people as they come. I can think of things that would be deal breakers but they're reasonable and plenty of men would pass that hurdle.


----------



## Lila

Question for the folks that know about attachment styles. Can people's attachment styles change? 

I think I went from being anxious-ambivalent to avoidant. It is either that or I am secure attachment with a much honed internal warning system.


----------



## Numb26

Lila said:


> Question for the folks that know about attachment styles. Can people's attachment styles change?
> 
> I think I went from being anxious-ambivalent to avoidant. It is either that or I am secure attachment with a much honed internal warning system.


Is there some sort of quiz to find out what you are?


----------



## Lila

Numb26 said:


> Is there some sort of quiz to find out what you are?


There are some simple free ones online if you Google attachment styles. I'm not sure how accurate they are.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> Question for the folks that know about attachment styles. Can people's attachment styles change?
> 
> I think I went from being anxious-ambivalent to avoidant. It is either that or I am secure attachment with a much honed internal warning system.


I got into it post breakup trying to understand everything and I found I shared traits of being dismissive avoidant but looking back I had no issues with vulnerability. What I shared was my emotional shutdowns when triggered, easy solution, don't trigger them 🙄

Like really having men thrown in my face triggering me and it's my fault for shutting down? Nah, in the end it's just meh, more categorisation and one thing I did learn from my dating spree is everyone is their own unique individual and we should avoid labels.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Lila said:


> Question for the folks that know about attachment styles. Can people's attachment styles change?
> 
> I think I went from being anxious-ambivalent to avoidant. It is either that or I am secure attachment with a much honed internal warning system.


I like to think our experiences can change us, as can the things we do about them.

Google has some relevant results.

In my layman’s and inward view, absolutely yes it can change. But my data point is weird — very few “relationships” over forty years, and there has been a lot of ground covered and life lived in this last relationship that is still struggling to survive after decades. As much as I like to think I’m “secure” and no longer “anxious-ambivalent”, the real test will have to wait until and if I’m free and seeking to engage with someone else.

On second thought, I still have much anxiety and ambivalence in my long term marriage. I like to think it is due to the various things going on over which I have no control, and I am choosing to stay a little longer, waiting for a positive change or a “good” time to leave. Certainly my “detachment style” (lol) is still anxious-ambivalent. But, I don’t think I’d be anxious or ambivalent post divorce. I could see myself being relaxed and happy no matter what, able to see and respond rather than dwell and react. I like to think to have survived this dying marriage, I’ve had to center myself and fill in my own emptiness inside.

Im an optimist. People can change, even without trying. Helps to get intentional, but life does do work on us.

I also could use some more therapy. So, don’t take my word for it


----------



## Not

I’m with sky on this one. I think our styles can change depending on recent experiences and current attitude. I know for me I’m a completely different person when I’m around someone who I feel I can be open with versus someone who puts me on guard or on edge. Then you throw current mental and emotional state within in the mix. We are not static creatures.


----------



## Not

It’s been a month so I’m back on Facebook dating and trying something new again lol! This time I dove into my financial status. Established career, home is paid for and credit score over 800. No mention of sex. It’s funny because I’ve never had as many professional/white collar men respond before. Same pictures and same description of my personality and lifestyle.
I’m kind of a nerd in this way. I’ve always had a high level of interest in psychology/philosophy and human behavior so this stuff gets really interesting to me. Not that I’m not taking it seriously as I am checking out these profiles who are reaching out and taking a good look at them.
Interesting though that the white collars came out more for the financial aspect than the sex aspect.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> It’s been a month so I’m back on Facebook dating and trying something new again lol! This time I dove into my financial status. Established career, home is paid for and credit score over 800. No mention of sex. It’s funny because I’ve never had as many professional/white collar men respond before. Same pictures and same description of my personality and lifestyle.
> I’m kind of a nerd in this way. I’ve always had a high level of interest in psychology/philosophy and human behavior so this stuff gets really interesting to me. Not that I’m not taking it seriously as I am checking out these profiles who are reaching out and taking a good look at them.
> Interesting though that the white collars came out more for the financial aspect than the sex aspect.


Interesting. I see those guys as smarter because way too many men take a train wreck for sex and then complain that she's a train wreck.


----------



## Evinrude58

I just found out that sex and looks get worse when you learn a woman keeps a dirty house. Total turnoff


----------



## RandomDude

Wonder if white/blue collar men get stereotyped too, I'd like to think as a "white collar" I have the grounded humility of a blue collar 🤗 

Because I worked my way up as a blue collar 😊


----------



## Not

Evinrude58 said:


> I just found out that sex and looks get worse when you learn a woman keeps a dirty house. Total turnoff


Is there a story behind that?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Wonder if white/blue collar men get stereotyped too, I'd like to think as a "white collar" I have the grounded humility of a blue collar 🤗
> 
> Because I worked my way up as a blue collar 😊


I think so. Example, I have yet to see a blue collar profile stating he loves a glass of wine on the beach at sunset lol! Not something a blue-collar guy would typically say. Definitely more a white collar thing.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I think so. Example, I have yet to see a blue collar profile stating he loves a glass of wine on the beach at sunset lol! Not something a blue-collar guy would typically say. Definitely more a white collar thing.


So no white collars having beers at the pub? 😅 

They get just as pissed 😑


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> It’s been a month so I’m back on Facebook dating and trying something new again lol! This time I dove into my financial status. Established career, home is paid for and credit score over 800. No mention of sex. It’s funny because I’ve never had as many professional/white collar men respond before. Same pictures and same description of my personality and lifestyle.
> I’m kind of a nerd in this way. I’ve always had a high level of interest in psychology/philosophy and human behavior so this stuff gets really interesting to me. Not that I’m not taking it seriously as I am checking out these profiles who are reaching out and taking a good look at them.
> Interesting though that the white collars came out more for the financial aspect than the sex aspect.


That is so odd. I must say, I do enjoy your experiments. 😂

I would say that I’m sorta white collar, I think. But seriously, nothing you wrote would get my attention in the least. I would have sworn most men would me more interested in knowing that the woman was looking for a passionate partner.


----------



## LATERILUS79

lifeistooshort said:


> Interesting. I see those guys as smarter because way too many men take a train wreck for sex and then complain that she's a train wreck.


oh damn……

why do I fear this could be me in my future? 😬😬😬😬


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> So no white collars having beers at the pub? 😅
> 
> They get just as pissed 😑


I am sure there are but there are no blue collars admitting to sneaking off to the beach with a bottle of wine lol!


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> oh damn……
> 
> why do I fear this could be me in my future? 😬😬😬😬


I was thinking about something along the same lines. If a particular white collar chooses the financial profile over the sexual profile does that mean he’s not as sexual?? Or maybe like life stated, he’s just being smarter about it and finding a woman who’s financially grounded and then taking the time to get to know her to see if she’s grounded in the bedroom too?


----------



## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> oh damn……
> 
> why do I fear this could be me in my future? 😬😬😬😬


Don't fear that at all!!! You are too smart to pick a "train wreck" anyway....but there is nothing wrong with getting out there and making mistakes. It's VERY unlikely that the first woman you are interested in is going to end up being your actual partner. What will most likely happen is that you will meet and talk to (and even date) women who will teach you more about your needs, standards, and desires, and about the kind of relationship you really want.

And that's how it's supposed to be!! 

You missed out on dating different kinds of women in your 20s the way many of your peers did, so it makes sense that you might date for FUN now, and see what options there are available to you before you try to find Ms. Perfect.

It's not a character flaw at all!! So don't be afraid of it...embrace it!


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> It’s been a month so I’m back on Facebook dating and trying something new again lol! This time I dove into my financial status. Established career, home is paid for and credit score over 800. No mention of sex. It’s funny because I’ve never had as many professional/white collar men respond before. Same pictures and same description of my personality and lifestyle.
> I’m kind of a nerd in this way. I’ve always had a high level of interest in psychology/philosophy and human behavior so this stuff gets really interesting to me. Not that I’m not taking it seriously as I am checking out these profiles who are reaching out and taking a good look at them.
> Interesting though that the white collars came out more for the financial aspect than the sex aspect.


I have to say....I wouldn't trust those men to be high drive sexually in the long term. It's not that I would think that guys who respond more to sexual profiles are all that great for long term sexual satisfaction either, but if a robust and lengthy sex life is a major relationship need for you, the white collar guys who are NOT intrigued by a mildly sexual flirt in a profile might not care about sex much at all.


----------



## RandomDude

LisaDiane said:


> What will most likely happen is that you will meet and talk to (and even date) women who will teach you more about your needs, standards, and desires, and about the kind of relationship you really want.
> 
> And that's how it's supposed to be!!


Pretty much, in 5 months I learnt more about myself than anything else.



LisaDiane said:


> I have to say....I wouldn't trust those men to be high drive sexually in the long term. It's not that I would think that guys who respond more to sexual profiles are all that great for long term sexual satisfaction either, but if a robust and lengthy sex life is a major relationship need for you, the white collar guys who are NOT intrigued by a mildly sexual flirt in a profile might not care about sex much at all.


Maybe they look for some "sophistication" with the flirting... I know I do 😑

I like it subtle and not too obvious with a touch of hard to get, also how ms work crush drove me nuts after two months I broke my thou shalt not date at work rule


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> I was thinking about something along the same lines. If a particular white collar chooses the financial profile over the sexual profile does that mean he’s not as sexual?? Or maybe like life stated, he’s just being smarter about it and finding a woman who’s financially grounded and then taking the time to get to know her to see if she’s grounded in the bedroom too?


I think at a certain point in life smart people do consider financial stability if they're looking for an actual relationship. Of course sexuality and attraction matters but we all know what you get if that's your only consideration. I know 4 men off the top of my head....all in their 50's....who only want women who are on their feet. Of course they also want women they find attractive because both matter, so maybe you're getting the white collar guys who don't want a train wreck but also find you attractive?

White collar men want sex too.


----------



## Evinrude58

lifeistooshort said:


> I think at a certain point in life smart people do consider financial stability if they're looking for an actual relationship. Of course sexuality and attraction matters but we all know what you get if that's your only consideration. I know 4 men off the top of my head....all in their 50's....who only want women who are on their feet. Of course they also want women they find attractive because both matter, so maybe you're getting the white collar guys who don't want a train wreck but also find you attractive?
> 
> *White collar men want sex too.*


No they don’t. That’s a myth. Don’t believe it single ladies.....🤓


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> oh damn……
> 
> why do I fear this could be me in my future? 😬😬😬😬


The reality is that you are most likely going to have at least one rebound relationship. And yes some of those may in fact be train wrecks! It’s ok to say oh well this may be a bad idea but…have some good romps….realize in one weeks time that this is not relationship material…improve your aim, get back out there and keep fishing.

Some people find a good one right out of the gate but most people make some missteps. Missteps are sometimes the best most cherished part of being single when you look back on them.


----------



## RebuildingMe

I’m white collar, I hate wine and love sex.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Evinrude58 said:


> I just found out that sex and looks get worse when you learn a woman keeps a dirty house. Total turnoff


I think this is universally true for anyone who isn’t extra messy/dirty. It’s really difficult to be turned on if you see their shower and it’s gross, or they are a semi hoarder, etc.

I posted a pic from a dating profile here once that was this guy’s 4 huge dogs on his mattress on the floor, dogs on top of a pile of laundry, a sheet half hanging over the window, and the point of his pic was to show how much he loves his dogs and how sweet and adorable they were. But omg his living environment 😳 who could ever have sex in that bedroom??


----------



## Bulfrog1987

LATERILUS79 said:


> That is so odd. I must say, I do enjoy your experiments. 😂
> 
> I would say that I’m sorta white collar, I think. But seriously, nothing you wrote would get my attention in the least. I would have sworn most men would me more interested in knowing that the woman was looking for a passionate partner.


I am curious to know what would happen if I put on my profile that I’m not looking for a paycheck so to speak, that financially I’m sufficient, also with a credit score of 800. I do not own my house out right but I am otherwise debt free. 

hmmm


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I am curious to know what would happen if I put on my profile that I’m not looking for a paycheck so to speak, that financially I’m sufficient, also with a credit score of 800. I do not own my house out right but I am otherwise debt free.
> 
> hmmm


Might get all the gold-diggers!


----------



## Evinrude58

Bullfrog, would you be willing to get a loan for a hunting dog, new shotgun, a fishing boat.....
If not, that credit score is useless. 

jk

maybe just say you are self sufficient and leave it at that.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> That is so odd. I must say, I do enjoy your experiments. 😂
> 
> I would say that I’m sorta white collar, I think. But seriously, nothing you wrote would get my attention in the least. I would have sworn most men would me more interested in knowing that the woman was looking for a passionate partner.


You’re looking for something very specific that’s sex related and don’t seem to care as much about financial status. You’ve also got a very specific reason why. A lot of other men on these dating sites aren’t going to have a background quite like yours so they won’t be placing as much emphasis on that area in their search. I, personally, would like to see at least a slight glimmer of interest in that subject area on their profiles. But my background is similar to yours! 😊


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> It’s been a month so I’m back on Facebook dating and trying something new again lol! This time I dove into my financial status. Established career, home is paid for and credit score over 800. No mention of sex. It’s funny because I’ve never had as many professional/white collar men respond before. Same pictures and same description of my personality and lifestyle.
> I’m kind of a nerd in this way. I’ve always had a high level of interest in psychology/philosophy and human behavior so this stuff gets really interesting to me. Not that I’m not taking it seriously as I am checking out these profiles who are reaching out and taking a good look at them.
> Interesting though that the white collars came out more for the financial aspect than the sex aspect.


@Not I know I'm a little paranoid but be very very aware of scammers. Your new profile has key words they look for (credit score, own my home, etc). Just be really careful and vet,vet,vet.


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> I have to say....I wouldn't trust those men to be high drive sexually in the long term. It's not that I would think that guys who respond more to sexual profiles are all that great for long term sexual satisfaction either, but if a robust and lengthy sex life is a major relationship need for you, the white collar guys who are NOT intrigued by a mildly sexual flirt in a profile might not care about sex much at all.


I don’t know why but I see white-collar men as probably being more held back in this area when it comes to dating. Probably my own personal stereotype. Like maybe they’re not as free spirited or open/blunt as a blue-collar guy would be. I guess I see white-collar men as more politically correct and polite 🤷‍♀️


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> @Not I know I'm a little paranoid but be very very aware of scammers. Your new profile has key words they look for (credit score, own my home, etc). Just be really careful and vet,vet,vet.


Funny that you say that. I think I got a like from a scammer. All the pictures are professionally done, like magazine quality, and he is a classic older hottie with the perfect gray hair and beard lol! A little bit too perfect in my opinion. I’ve gotten quite good at spotting the fake accounts. These accounts are all over plenty of fish now, it’s gotten really bad. You can usually spot them by the pictures and the grammar.


----------



## Not

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I am curious to know what would happen if I put on my profile that I’m not looking for a paycheck so to speak, that financially I’m sufficient, also with a credit score of 800. I do not own my house out right but I am otherwise debt free.
> 
> hmmm


Typically I say something along the lines of being financially secure. It’s something I look for in men’s profiles and I go by what they have to say as well as what’s in their pictures. They need to speak in a coherent manner and be wearing decent clothes that look clean lol!


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> I’m white collar, I hate wine and love sex.


I hate wine too! I avoid profiles that mention it. I feel so uncivilized and backwoods! 😂😂


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> I think at a certain point in life smart people do consider financial stability if they're looking for an actual relationship. Of course sexuality and attraction matters but we all know what you get if that's your only consideration. I know 4 men off the top of my head....all in their 50's....who only want women who are on their feet. Of course they also want women they find attractive because both matter, so maybe you're getting the white collar guys who don't want a train wreck but also find you attractive?
> 
> White collar men want sex too.


I definitely look for signs of financial stability. The first guy I dated was a gold digger and that went sideways really bad. And he was horrible in bed lol!! Total disaster 🤦‍♀️ I’m sure men have it even worse.
I’m not placing any validity on this little test I did, I just thought it was curious. I will be moving forward with the opinion that these are men and men by nature are more sexually forward. Yep, I’m gonna go with that! 😁


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> Funny that you say that. I think I got a like from a scammer. All the pictures are professionally done, like magazine quality, and he is a classic older hottie with the perfect gray hair and beard lol! A little bit too perfect in my opinion. I’ve gotten quite good at spotting the fake accounts. These accounts are all over plenty of fish now, it’s gotten really bad. You can usually spot them by the pictures and the grammar.




Have you ever talked to a scammer by accident??


----------



## RandomDude

Talking to scammers is a regular thing on online dating, heck 95% of profiles on Tinder were scammers, at least all the other apps dealt with them, especially Hinge. I'm thinking Tinder just got overwhelmed by the sheer volume of them and lost control.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Funny that you say that. I think I got a like from a scammer. All the pictures are professionally done, like magazine quality, and he is a classic older hottie with the perfect gray hair and beard lol! A little bit too perfect in my opinion. I’ve gotten quite good at spotting the fake accounts. These accounts are all over plenty of fish now, it’s gotten really bad. You can usually spot them by the pictures and the grammar.


Maybe try a paid app like Match? I didn’t run into many scammers there and got quite a few matches quickly. That was two years ago.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Maybe try a paid app like Match? I didn’t run into many scammers there and got quite a few matches quickly. That was two years ago.


I never tried PoF, but I tried OK C upid and met a lit of weirdos. It seems as with most things, you get what you pay for. 

@Not 
You seriously put your credit score out there?? No offense, but that doesn't seem very smart .


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Maybe try a paid app like Match? I didn’t run into many scammers there and got quite a few matches quickly. That was two years ago.


I was on POF June through mid August with a paid account. Lots of fakes compared to when I first started three years ago. I tried Match once but didn’t like it and I can’t remember why but this was like three years ago.


LisaDiane said:


> Have you ever talked to a scammer by accident??


No, their broken english in their profiles is easy to spot. And every single one of them wants to get married lol!


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I never tried PoF, but I tried OK C upid and met a lit of weirdos. It seems as with most things, you get what you pay for.
> 
> @Not
> You seriously put your credit score out there?? No offense, but that doesn't seem very smart .


I’m truly not worried about it. it doesn’t reveal any personal information outside of a number.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I’m truly not worried about it. it doesn’t reveal any personal information outside of a number.


I used to have 812. Ex wife knocked it down to a 745 because she stopped paying my car payment without my knowledge. It costed me. When I bought this house 11 months ago I should have gotten 3%. Instead, I’m paying 3.25%. B|t(h!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I was on POF June through mid August with a paid account. Lots of fakes compared to when I first started three years ago. I tried to match once but didn’t like it and I can’t remember why but this was like three years ago.
> 
> No, their broken english in their profiles is easy to spot. And every single one of them wants to get married lol!


Like Texas said, you get what you pay for. POF is free and you may as well be looking up inmates at Rikers Island or Sing Sing.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’m truly not worried about it. it doesn’t reveal any personal information outside of a number.


Ok. What are you fishing for? Isn't that gonna be open season for scammers and users?

It doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd volunteer to all and sundry, but then I'm a really private person and don't give out more information than necessary 😂.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Like Texas said, you get what you pay for. POF is free and you may as well be looking up inmates at Rikers Island or Sing Sing.


Sounds like you've got some stories. Who touched you in your no-no place?


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> oh damn……
> 
> why do I fear this could be me in my future? 😬😬😬😬


Because it's exactly what we warned you about!
Don't go marry the first chick who touches your peepee, mmmmk? Please, FFS, think with your big head.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Because it's exactly what we warned you about!
> Don't go marry the first chick who touches your peepee, mmmmk? Please, FFS, think with your big head.


  


I wasn't even butthurt today and I got a TXTrini special!

Marriage? No. 

Dating a train wreck because she shoves her boobs in my face?



Strong possibility. 😬


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> I wasn't even butthurt today and I got a TXTrini special!
> 
> Marriage? No.
> 
> Dating a train wreck because she shoves her boobs in my face?
> 
> 
> 
> Strong possibility. 😬


Oh Gawd. 

Well, at least post about it so we can rubberneck the wreck ...


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Ok. What are you fishing for? Isn't that gonna be open season for scammers and users?
> 
> It doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd volunteer to all and sundry, but then I'm a really private person and don't give out more information than necessary 😂.


I’m just trying different things with my profiles and actually the men state their credit scores quite often. I wouldn’t say 50% of them do but it’s a decent amount. And it’s just a number that describes a behavior.
I’m not holding my breath that online is going to produce any results so I figured why not, I’ll just play around while I’m out there in dating land, floating around, aimlessly 😂 I do find it interesting, the different things that different men seem to react too.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> I used to have 812. Ex wife knocked it down to a 745 because she stopped paying my car payment without my knowledge. It costed me. When I bought this house 11 months ago I should have gotten 3%. Instead, I’m paying 3.25%. B|t(h!


That’s dirty. 😤


----------



## lifeistooshort

Evinrude58 said:


> No they don’t. That’s a myth. Don’t believe it single ladies.....🤓


Then maybe that's why so many men on TAM are complaining about the dating market.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> I am sure there are but there are no blue collars admitting to sneaking off to the beach with a bottle of wine lol!


I'm probably upper blue collar but love the opera and a fine wine.

I'm not single though so there's that.😉


----------



## RandomDude

I wonder why other guys even put on their profiles, I just have a bunch of witty one liners and jokes for random questions, one of my photos is even a meme. You can read the whole thing under 10 seconds.

Putting my credit score? 🤣 ! Forget it!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I’m just trying different things with my profiles and actually the men state their credit scores quite often. I wouldn’t say 50% of them do but it’s a decent amount. And it’s just a number that describes a behavior.
> I’m not holding my breath that online is going to produce any results so I figured why not, I’ll just play around while I’m out there in dating land, floating around, aimlessly 😂 I do find it interesting, the different things that different men seem to react too.


They do? Wow, that's nuts! And to think some men already moan and groan about gold diggers 🤣 🤣 🤣. That's like putting up a neon sign and welcoming mat for them though. So... what do these guys look like?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> They do? Wow, that's nuts! And to think some men already moan and groan about gold diggers 🤣 🤣 🤣. That's like putting up a neon sign and welcoming mat for them though. So... what do these guys look like?


Your credit score doesn't have anything to do with how much money you make. It's a measure of your debt to credit ratio. As long as you pay your bills on time and don't rack up huge debt you can make $20K a year and have excellent credit. So gold diggers can gun for high credit score dudes all they want but he may be that dude working at McD's lol!


----------



## lifeistooshort

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I am curious to know what would happen if I put on my profile that I’m not looking for a paycheck so to speak, that financially I’m sufficient, also with a credit score of 800. I do not own my house out right but I am otherwise debt free.
> 
> hmmm


My bf told me he tried OLD and found it very off-putting because profiles would say things like "you must be over 6' tall" and "you must make this much money".

I think it made him feel like a commodity.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> Your credit score doesn't have anything to do with how much money you make. It's a measure of your debt to credit ratio. As long as you pay your bills on time and don't rack up huge debt you can make $20K a year and have excellent credit. So gold diggers can gun for high credit score dudes all they want but he may be that dude working at McD's lol!


My 21 year old son has great credit and he's still in school. 

To your point he works part time and has a credit card that he pays off.


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> My 21 year old son has great credit and he's still in school.
> 
> To your point he works part time and has a credit card that he pays off.


Good! My son has learned that lesson and is doing very good himself now. He's 25.

And that's how I achieved my score. I don't spend what I can't afford to pay off in a month.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Your credit score doesn't have anything to do with how much money you make. It's a measure of your debt to credit ratio. As long as you pay your bills on time and don't rack up huge debt you can make $20K a year and have excellent credit. So gold diggers can gun for high credit score dudes all they want but he may be that dude working at McD's lol!


You'd be surprised. My exHs AP targeted him because of his credit score, and the fact that he never missed a mortgage payment as a "stable provider".


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> You'd be surprised. My exHs AP targeted him because of his credit score, and the fact that he never missed a mortgage payment as a "stable provider".


If she was a gold digger then she was an odd one.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> If she was a gold digger then she was an odd one.


Gold diggers are notoriously stupid.


----------



## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> My bf told me he tried OLD and found it very off-putting because profiles would say things like "you must be over 6' tall" and "you must make this much money".
> 
> I think it made him feel like a commodity.


I couldn't imagine putting what I make on a profile and I would apparently be eliminated for being a "shorty" LoL!


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> I couldn't imagine putting what I make on a profile and I would apparently be eliminated for being a "shorty" LoL!


A shorty wit dem gains!


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> A shorty wit dem gains!


I don't have any problems in real life meeting people but OLD might shut me down for not being six foot.


----------



## Not

I get asked if my glasses are necessary lol! And why don't I wear contacts instead? SMH, next!


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> I don't have any problems in real life meeting people but OLD might shut me down for not being six foot.


It can be brutal like that.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> It can be brutal like that.


It's definitely just a curiosity for me because even if I was single, I wouldn't use it.

Plenty of nice, frisky ladies in real life that don't mind an average height fella.😉


----------



## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> I don't have any problems in real life meeting people but OLD might shut me down for not being six foot.


And that's the problem with OLD....it can be reduced to a shopping experience. There's no human connection when you're scrolling through profiles.

I feel for my TAM brothers and sisters in the struggle!

My bf is 6'3 so he did pass that one but still didn't like the feel of it.


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> I don't have any problems in real life meeting people but OLD might shut me down for not being six foot.


I snagged a 6'2 blue collar guy about 3 1/2 years ago. I threw him back in the pond after just 3 months lol! Everything is over-rated when the individual just sucks in general.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I get asked if my glasses are necessary lol! And why don't I wear contacts instead? SMH, next!


WHAT?!

The number of losers out there just baffles me at times. 

Ummmm... glasses are SEXY AF! Do these guys not know how much fun it is to play sexy librarian or sexy teacher? What in the hell?! Glasses get my attention!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> I snagged a 6'2 blue collar guy about 3 1/2 years ago. I threw him back in the pond after just 3 months lol! Everything is over-rated when the individual just sucks in general.


Sounds like the trainwreck that I am supposedly going to be setting up that everyone will want to rubberneck when I come back to moan and comp.... I mean, report about.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> WHAT?!
> 
> The number of losers out there just baffles me at times.
> 
> Ummmm... glasses are SEXY AF! Do these guys not know how much fun it is to play sexy librarian or sexy teacher? What in the hell?! Glasses get my attention!


 It's been a total mixed bag. Some love the glasses and others try to slyly question if they can be got rid of. I have been called a sexy librarian with one picture I used to use lol!


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds like the trainwreck that I am supposedly going to be setting up that everyone will want to rubberneck when I come back to moan and comp.... I mean, report about.


Oh you have no idea lol! Judge Judy got involved in that one!


----------



## LATERILUS79

lifeistooshort said:


> And that's the problem with OLD....it can be reduced to a shopping experience. There's no human connection when you're scrolling through profiles.
> 
> I feel for my TAM brothers and sisters in the struggle!
> 
> My bf is 6'3 so he did pass that one but still didn't like the feel of it.


Life, I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting a man that is tall. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Yes, some men are going to complain about this. So what. You need to be attracted to your partner. If height is a requirement for you to be attracted, then that is what is required. I'd rather a woman be honest with me. No need to waste time then. 

I see it the same way when it comes to my preferences.


----------



## lifeistooshort

LATERILUS79 said:


> Life, I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting a man that is tall. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Yes, some men are going to complain about this. So what. You need to be attracted to your partner. If height is a requirement for you to be attracted, then that is what is required. I'd rather a woman be honest with me. No need to waste time then.
> 
> I see it the same way when it comes to my preferences.


I actually didn't care. I met him and liked him and he's tall, but he's such a great guy I'd like him shorter too. I have my limits of course because I just don't find short guys appealing, but over 6'0 isn't necessary.

He didn't like the stipulation on OLD.


----------



## Evinrude58

There’s a bazillion women on there. All that is needed is one. There will be one that thinks you’re hot stuff and they won’t be crazy or losers. Gotta get good at recognizing the duds. There’s a learning curve.


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> Life, I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting a man that is tall. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Yes, some men are going to complain about this. So what. You need to be attracted to your partner. If height is a requirement for you to be attracted, then that is what is required. I'd rather a woman be honest with me. No need to waste time then.
> 
> I see it the same way when it comes to my preferences.


He was actually checking off other boxes for her.

Her boyfriend just has too much class to engage with dipsticks on old.😉


----------



## RandomDude

lifeistooshort said:


> My bf told me he tried OLD and found it very off-putting because profiles would say things like "you must be over 6' tall" and "you must make this much money".
> 
> I think it made him feel like a commodity.


Well, to be fair, although I didn't put those in my profile I was looking for someone 5'7+ but I had filters for that 😊

We should just have more filters for online dating but it's still hard to find a real connection when you go look for it. I'll also fail the height test but I'd rather fail it then have her go out with me and waste my time and money. 🙄


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> It's definitely just a curiosity for me because even if I was single, I wouldn't use it.
> 
> Plenty of nice, frisky ladies in real life that don't mind an average height fella.😉


You're not average though pretty boy 🙄 

I'd rather bring someone else to be my wingman as you might steal a few prospects from me if we go to the pub mate 😖


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> You're not average though pretty boy 🙄
> 
> I'd rather bring someone else to be my wingman as you might steal a few prospects from me if we go to the pub mate 😖


😂😂😂

always something new on TAM!

never thought I’d see the day that Conan would be called a pretty boy!


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> There’s a bazillion women on there. All that is needed is one. There will be one that thinks you’re hot stuff and they won’t be crazy or losers. Gotta get good at recognizing the duds. There’s a learning curve.


Yet it's so hard to find just the one 😑


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> You're not average though pretty boy 🙄
> 
> I'd rather bring someone else to be my wingman as you might steal a few prospects from me if we go to the pub mate 😖


Yeah but I would a good wingman because I'm safer than a eunuch around women who aren't Mrs. Conan.😉


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> Yet it's so hard to find just the one 😑


You have some very refined tastes. Nothing wrong there but it does limit selection.


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> Yeah but I would a good wingman because I'm safer than a eunuch around women who aren't Mrs. Conan.😉


Doesn't help if they are all still crushing on you especially the one I wanted! Had that happen before, got looks from the other girls but the one I wanted liked my friend.

You would be worse! 😑 



ConanHub said:


> You have some very refined tastes. Nothing wrong there but it does limit selection.


Right now I don't even want to put myself out there unless there's a spark with someone.


----------



## Evinrude58

Why are you so set on this spark stuff? 
pick some ladies That have qualities you admire and just go have a nice evening together. You might find one you have a spark with, and might not. You don’t have to marry a woman just because you have a date with her. Are you investing too many emotions too quickly?


----------



## RandomDude

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you so set on this spark stuff?
> pick some ladies That have qualities you admire and just go have a nice evening together. You might find one you have a spark with, and might not. You don’t have to marry a woman just because you have a date with her. Are you investing too many emotions too quickly?


I can't be bothered dating duds anymore after my last dating spree. Hence I need a spark to even motivate me to get out there.

Maybe if I get horny again but I'm putting my balls on ice 🧊 for now


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> I get asked if my glasses are necessary lol! And why don't I wear contacts instead? SMH, next!


I had pics with glasses on and off on my profile. I have gotten this question once or twice too, along with one comment of "I like you better without them". 

The thing is, they are just readers because I'm an old lady! But I can't take a selfie of my face without them because I literally can't see my phone when it is that close to my face if I don't have them on. So if I take a selfie without them I look like a blind person staring off into space 

I only need them to read or to see my phone, otherwise I don't have glasses, yet some guys seem to think it's important to let you know they prefer you without them. sigh.

I'm sure women are also rude like that, maybe even for the same thing?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> I had pics with glasses on and off on my profile. I have gotten this question once or twice too, along with one comment of "I like you better without them".
> 
> The thing is, they are just readers because I'm an old lady! But I can't take a selfie of my face without them because I literally can't see my phone when it is that close to my face if I don't have them on. So if I take a selfie without them I look like a blind person staring off into space
> 
> I only need them to read or to see my phone, otherwise I don't have glasses, yet some guys seem to think it's important to let you know they prefer you without them. sigh.
> 
> I'm sure women are also rude like that, maybe even for the same thing?


I’m baffled.

even if someone prefers no glasses, I guess I would think common decency would keep someone from making a rude comment like that. Especially to someone they are attempting to date!

sounds like online dating will be some great entertainment!😂


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> I had pics with glasses on and off on my profile. I have gotten this question once or twice too, along with one comment of "I like you better without them".
> 
> The thing is, they are just readers because I'm an old lady! But I can't take a selfie of my face without them because I literally can't see my phone when it is that close to my face if I don't have them on. So if I take a selfie without them I look like a blind person staring off into space
> 
> I only need them to read or to see my phone, otherwise I don't have glasses, yet some guys seem to think it's important to let you know they prefer you without them. sigh.
> 
> I'm sure women are also rude like that, maybe even for the same thing?


Thats when you tell them, good thing it's just you, and unmatch or if you're interested in some entertainment... "Really? I'm so glad we're being honest! I'd like you better with hair, would you consider hair plugs?"

I had quite a lot of fun with idiots who opened the door then got butthurt 😆


----------



## RandomDude

Signs of conditional attraction, waning, weak.

I remember one match who did that to me and it felt so off, like, one commented how much she liked a particular photo and made me wonder if she only found me attractive in that particular photo. It just feels off, hard to explain. 

I unmatched her actually, I didn't know how to reply to that, and I felt weird.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> I’m baffled.
> 
> even if someone prefers no glasses, I guess I would think common decency would keep someone from making a rude comment like that. Especially to someone they are attempting to date!
> 
> sounds like online dating will be some great entertainment!😂


I think when men say this they actually believe they are paying you a compliment. Like they don't want to say "I am not really attracted to you in the pics with your glasses on" because to them that would be rude, but by saying "I like the pics without glasses" they feel they are focusing on what is attractive about you and saying your face is pretty can't be a problem. Or something like that. I don't know, this seems to be kind of common with men - - again though, I have no clue how women behave on the apps or in real life even.

I have definitely looked through pics on a guy's profile and had thought "ew oh no...all the other pics were good but please never wear that (hat/shirt/those pants/go shirtless/insert whatever) again". And I may even find a way to compliment the opposite of what I found unattractive, like "I like the one pic where you are wearing (insert blank)". The only diff is I'm not going to say "I like this better than that" because I know this would sound rude to me.

As for "someone they are attempting to date"...at this point you aren't necessarily attempting to date each other. This is called the talking phase, where you are seeing if you even want to bother meeting for a coffee. In this phase you may ghost each other after only a couple of sentences. Or you may chat for 2 weeks on the app and then STILL ghost each other. Or you may chat for a few days, be really excited to meet, have a coffee, and ghost each other afterwards because it wasn't a good match no matter how hard you tried to ascertain during the talking phase. OR.....you may get lucky, be making out by the end of the date, and already have a plan for second date by the next morning!!


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> Thats when you tell them, good thing it's just you, and unmatch or if you're interested in some entertainment... "Really? I'm so glad we're being honest! I'd like you better with hair, would you consider hair plugs?"
> 
> I had quite a lot of fun with idiots who opened the door then got butthurt 😆


I learned early on that I would rather disappear that spar with these idiots. They always just get viscous and some literally start to physically threaten you for popping off. Not that I'm afraid of idiots like that but my identity could be figured out if a psycho tried hard enough.


----------



## ConanHub

😋


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> I learned early on that I would rather disappear that spar with these idiots. They always just get viscous and some literally start to physically threaten you for popping off. Not that I'm afraid of idiots like that but my identity could be figured out if a psycho tried hard enough.


I hear you. It depends on what mood they caught me in, if it was before food and/coffee. I suppose it's better to run away and live to fight another day, eh? Psychos ruin the fun for everyone 😒 party poopers!


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> I had pics with glasses on and off on my profile. I have gotten this question once or twice too, along with one comment of "I like you better without them".
> 
> The thing is, they are just readers because I'm an old lady! But I can't take a selfie of my face without them because I literally can't see my phone when it is that close to my face if I don't have them on. So if I take a selfie without them I look like a blind person staring off into space
> 
> I only need them to read or to see my phone, otherwise I don't have glasses, yet some guys seem to think it's important to let you know they prefer you without them. sigh.
> 
> I'm sure women are also rude like that, maybe even for the same thing?


Well I’m actually blind lol! I wear trifocals but I have progressive lenses so they’re not thick with the lines. And because my prescription is slightly complicated I can’t use contacts. Without my glasses my vision is so bad that I squint and look like Mr. Magoo. I even keep my glasses on during sex 😂😂😂 I wanna see, I wanna see lol!! Wish I could wear them in the shower too!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Well I’m actually blind lol! I wear trifocals but I have progressive lenses so they’re not thick with the lines. And because my prescription is slightly complicated I can’t use contacts. Without my glasses my vision is so bad that I squint and look like Mr. Magoo. I even keep my glasses on during sex 😂😂😂 I wanna see, I wanna see lol!! Wish I could wear them in the shower too!
> View attachment 92018


 hahaha

Most of women I've been with were blind. I always ask if they were blind when they first saw me 😅
I can't imagine life with glasses or contacts though, I don't even like wearing sunnies!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Well I’m actually blind lol! I wear trifocals but I have progressive lenses so they’re not thick with the lines. And because my prescription is slightly complicated I can’t use contacts. Without my glasses my vision is so bad that I squint and look like Mr. Magoo. I even keep my glasses on during sex 😂😂😂 I wanna see, I wanna see lol!! Wish I could wear them in the shower too!
> View attachment 92018


Wow, I had no idea there was such a thing as trifocals! I just joined the bifocal club, but also have transitions. How about using a deep conditioner? That way its a totally different container, they're usually in jars, easy to differentiate. 

Er, how do you not break your glasses during sex? Curious minds wanna know 🤔


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Wow, I had no idea there was such a thing as trifocals! I just joined the bifocal club, but also have transitions. How about using a deep conditioner? That way its a totally different container, they're usually in jars, easy to differentiate.
> 
> Er, how do you not break your glasses during sex? Curious minds wanna know 🤔


😁😁 they get knocked off and lost all the time.
And in the shower I keep the shampoo on the left and the conditioner on the right lol!


----------



## ConanHub

Glasses during sex actually seems kinda hot.😎


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Er, how do you not break your glasses during sex? Curious minds wanna know 🤔




I will restrain my comments until she replies...


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> 😁😁 they get knocked off and lost all the time.
> And in the shower I keep the shampoo on the left and the conditioner on the right lol!


Lol I would have thought you would hold them with one hand to keep them from getting knocked off 

(which is hot btw, as @ConanHub admits 😅)

I was going to reply you wore goggles haha, jokes jokes 😝


----------



## Lila

I know that online dating is really popular and works for some but it is a zoo (and not the good kind). So many liars, cheaters, and scammers, not to mention people lacking self awareness. Then there's the overall disrespect (OMG the disrespect). It's a crap shoot. 

Again I know it works for some, but for me, the reward was not worth the level of effort. I think people who stick to online dating deserve a prize for perseverance. It is tough.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RandomDude said:


> Well, to be fair, although I didn't put those in my profile I was looking for someone 5'7+ but I had filters for that 😊
> 
> We should just have more filters for online dating but it's still hard to find a real connection when you go look for it. I'll also fail the height test but I'd rather fail it then have her go out with me and waste my time and money. 🙄


There's certainly nothing wrong with preferences, so I guess it's a balancing act to filter out what you know you don't want and coming across as off putting to one you might want.


----------



## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> He was actually checking off other boxes for her.
> 
> Her boyfriend just has too much class to engage with dipsticks on old.😉


He's definitely not compatible with OLD. 

I think he just didn't know where else to look...he said he wasn't interested in bar hopping at his age.

Luckily i joined his bike club. Lucky for both of us 😊


----------



## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> He's definitely not compatible with OLD.
> 
> I think he just didn't know where else to look...he said he wasn't interested in bar hopping at his age.
> 
> Luckily i joined his bike club. Lucky for both of us 😊


Absolutely. Meeting people in activity groups sounds like a good strategy.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> I know that online dating is really popular and works for some but it is a zoo (and not the good kind). So many liars, cheaters, and scammers, not to mention people lacking self awareness. Then there's the overall disrespect (OMG the disrespect). It's a crap shoot.
> 
> Again I know it works for some, but for me, the reward was not worth the level of effort. I think people who stick to online dating deserve a prize for perseverance. It is tough.


I agree with your description of OLD. For me, I’m just not invested in it anymore. I believe I was experiencing unrealistic expectations with it and that’s why I was getting so negative about it. My attitude now is if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. I’ll create a profile here and there give it a little bit of time and then try again later but I no longer expect any results and that makes it sort of a neutral experience now. Sort of like buying a scratch off lottery ticket lol! The odds of winning are slim to none but every now and then I do win and if I lose I don’t get upset because I knew the deal ahead of time.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> I agree with your description of OLD. For me, I’m just not invested in it anymore. I believe I was experiencing unrealistic expectations with it and that’s why I was getting so negative about it. My attitude now is if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. I’ll create a profile here and there give it a little bit of time and then try again later but I no longer expect any results and that makes it sort of a neutral experience now. Sort of like buying a scratch off lottery ticket lol! The odds of winning are slim to none but every now and then I do win and if I lose I don’t get upset because I knew the deal ahead of time.


You're right. The people who persevere don't put a whole lot of effort into it and keep expectations to a minimum. They are outcome independent.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> I agree with your description of OLD. For me, I’m just not invested in it anymore. I believe I was experiencing unrealistic expectations with it and that’s why I was getting so negative about it. My attitude now is if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. I’ll create a profile here and there give it a little bit of time and then try again later but I no longer expect any results and that makes it sort of a neutral experience now. Sort of like buying a scratch off lottery ticket lol! The odds of winning are slim to none but every now and then I do win and if I lose I don’t get upset because I knew the deal ahead of time.


Maybe you get a $5 or $10 winner every now and then 🤣


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> Maybe you get a $5 or $10 winner every now and then 🤣


Hahaha yeah such is life 😅


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> You're right. The people who persevere don't put a whole lot of effort into it and keep expectations to a minimum. They are outcome independent.


Another part of it too was that I don’t think I was fully ok with the idea of being alone. Being in a fulfilling loving happy relationship has been a life long dream of mine and that was preventing me from accepting the possibility that being alone may be where I end up. I’m much more comfortable with that idea now though, kind of feels like I’ve woken up as I face that reality and I don’t see it as something opposite from my lifelong dream because I need to be happy and content no matter where I end up. My main focus is just on myself now.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> Maybe you get a $5 or $10 winner every now and then 🤣


Which is still a loss. It’s gonna have to be a huge jackpot before I declare I won anything.


----------



## Not

Got a huge raise at work today! Totally unexpected! I could go into all the gory details about how difficult my job has become since Covid but I’m not going to because I look back at where I was five years ago and I’m doing so good! I sometimes forget how far I’ve come since my marriage but when I do remember it brings back all the giddy! Despite everything I’m very happy with the direction my life has gone. w00t! 😁


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Got a huge raise at work today! Totally unexpected! I could go into all the gory details about how difficult my job has become since Covid but I’m not going to because I look back at where I was five years ago and I’m doing so good! I sometimes forget how far I’ve come since my marriage but when I do remember it brings back all the giddy! Despite everything I’m very happy with the direction my life has gone. w00t! 😁


Awesome!!! Congratulations! 😃


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Got a huge raise at work today! Totally unexpected! I could go into all the gory details about how difficult my job has become since Covid but I’m not going to because I look back at where I was five years ago and I’m doing so good! I sometimes forget how far I’ve come since my marriage but when I do remember it brings back all the giddy! Despite everything I’m very happy with the direction my life has gone. w00t! 😁


Congratulations! I hope to be walking right behind you. Still having issues getting seen  I keep getting told it's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone ...


----------



## lifeistooshort

TXTrini said:


> Congratulations! I hope to be walking right behind you. Still having issues getting seen  I keep getting told it's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone ...


Well i think I'm going to get a job offer soon that will involve a nice raise and better working conditions with a lovely company. So since things come in threes maybe it'll be @Not, me, and then you!

I'm really excited!


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Congratulations! I hope to be walking right behind you. Still having issues getting seen  I keep getting told it's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone ...


And sometimes, as in my case, it’s just pure dumb luck! Right place, right time but it was scary beforehand. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. 
Thank you!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Congratulations! I hope to be walking right behind you. Still having issues getting seen  I keep getting told it's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone ...


It's gonna happen Trini, I believe in you.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> Got a huge raise at work today! Totally unexpected! I could go into all the gory details about how difficult my job has become since Covid but I’m not going to because I look back at where I was five years ago and I’m doing so good! I sometimes forget how far I’ve come since my marriage but when I do remember it brings back all the giddy! Despite everything I’m very happy with the direction my life has gone. w00t! 😁


Killin it gurl!!!!!👍👍👍


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Congratulations! I hope to be walking right behind you. Still having issues getting seen  I keep getting told it's all about who you know, and I don't know anyone ...


May light shine on you.🙏


----------



## Boredguy

Thinking lf leaving my wife, as im depressed and feel out of love but feels as tho im only here for the kids. Is this wrong?


----------



## Hiner112

TXTrini said:


> Because it's exactly what we warned you about!
> Don't go marry the first chick who touches your peepee, mmmmk? Please, FFS, think with your big head.


I saw that and at least smirked. I'm still dating the "the first chick who [touched my] peepee". It's been over a year so there's some possibility that we might get married one day but we also know that we can't even move in together for quite a while yet. My kids re in high school and she's a caretaker for her parents and we live over an hour apart.


----------



## Hiner112

lifeistooshort said:


> Gold diggers are notoriously stupid.


If they were smart, they'd probably make their own "gold".


----------



## TXTrini

Boredguy said:


> Thinking lf leaving my wife, as im depressed and feel out of love but feels as tho im only here for the kids. Is this wrong?


Wrong thread. Clean your **** up before acting like a single man.


----------



## TXTrini

Hiner112 said:


> I saw that and at least smirked. I'm still dating the "the first chick who [touched my] peepee". It's been over a year so there's some possibility that we might get married one day but we also know that we can't even move in together for quite a while yet. My kids re in high school and she's a caretaker for her parents and we live over an hour apart.


Some people get lucky. My suspicious self says a year is too short to tell. It's been nearly three years and I'm only just believing some of the things my bf says he wants because he's been consistent. People wear masks and show their best selves up front, it can take a while to discern what's real. I'm not trying to cast aspersions on your gfs character, just being realistic.


----------



## Hiner112

My kids and I had an exciting time Tuesday evening. We were heading back home after dance traveling ~55 on a major two lane road. Someone from our right tried to turn left across our lane way too close for them to actually get across before I got to them. When they started creeping up, I figured they were just trying to get a better view to their right so I had edged closer to the oncoming traffic. When I realized they were going in earnest, I tried a hard swerve left trying to miss their front bumper but didn't quite make it. I was probably going 45-50 when we made contact. Airbags deployed but only minor injuries. I have an abrasion on my left arm, my oldest (who was in the passenger seat near where the collision happened) has a fat lip (they bite their lip when nervous and were probably doing that when the airbag went off) and a sprained thumb. I'm pretty sure the car is pretty much done.

It was easily the hardest collision that I've been in. My oldest has a learner's permit and is a bit high strung and anxious anyway. Since then, they've kind of taken the perspective that maybe this driving thing just isn't for them and have been sitting in the back seat.

Edit: speeds are in miles per hour. I was going ~88 km / h and slowed to 72-80 km / h before impact for everyone not in US.


----------



## In Absentia

Hiner112 said:


> My kids and I had an exciting time Tuesday evening. We were heading back home after dance traveling ~55 on a major two lane road. Someone from our right tried to turn left across our lane way too close for them to actually get across before I got to them. When they started creeping up, I figured they were just trying to get a better view to their right so I had edged closer to the oncoming traffic. When I realized they were going in earnest, I tried a hard swerve left trying to miss their front bumper but didn't quite make it. I was probably going 45-50 when we made contact. Airbags deployed but only minor injuries. I have an abrasion on my left arm, my oldest (who was in the passenger seat near where the collision happened) has a fat lip (they bite their lip when nervous and were probably doing that when the airbag went off) and a sprained thumb. I'm pretty sure the car is pretty much done.
> 
> It was easily the hardest collision that I've been in. My oldest has a learner's permit and is a bit high strung and anxious anyway. Since then, they've kind of taken the perspective that maybe this driving thing just isn't for them and have been sitting in the back seat.


Sorry to hear that... I hope you'll all make a speedy (no pun intended) recovery. My fastest crash was at 140 km/h on a German motorway. Luckily, the BMW I was a passenger in had good brakes... and managed to slow down considerably before the impact...  sprained thumb too!


----------



## hubbyintrubby

Hey all, just checking in. I've been dating a woman for the past couple of months and taking it very slowly together. She lives about an hour away so we don't get to see each other quite as often as we'd like but it's going well! She is not interested in marriage which matches where I'm standing after my ****show of a marriage ended. We are focusing on just having fun when we are together and enjoying the time we get to spend with each other. I've done a lot of work in therapy in the past year to get to where I am emotionally and done a lot of work on problems with my codependency that has been a factor pretty much my entire life and caused me to find partners that were not good matches for me.


----------



## Hiner112

The earlier discussion about white collar guys being worried about credit score is kind of funny. I'm relatively starchy white at this point, being a software engineer (or manager of same) and I'm not sure that a credit score is something I would even think about. I mean, my income did support a family of 4 in the lifestyle I would want so if we have the same lifestyle, her contribution would probably be irrelevant. Maybe a pre-weeding out of those that would be looking for a sponsor? _shrug_

The discussion about white collar guys liking wine and having a questionable sex drive was also kind of funny to me. Growing up I saw many people who drank regularly and as a result missed an opportunities to have sex with their SO. One of the key reasons that I decided to never drink was to avoid that situation. If you exercise regularly, you will have a healthier and longer sex life? Sign me up.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Hiner112 said:


> The earlier discussion about white collar guys being worried about credit score is kind of funny. I'm relatively starchy white at this point, being a software engineer (or manager of same) and I'm not sure that a credit score is something I would even think about. I mean, my income did support a family of 4 in the lifestyle I would want so if we have the same lifestyle, her contribution would probably be irrelevant. Maybe a pre-weeding out of those that would be looking for a sponsor? _shrug_
> 
> The discussion about white collar guys liking wine and having a questionable sex drive was also kind of funny to me. Growing up I saw many people who drank regularly and as a result missed an opportunities to have sex with their SO. One of the key reasons that I decided to never drink was to avoid that situation. If you exercise regularly, you will have a healthier and longer sex life? Sign me up.


So you'd marry a financial train wreck? If so that's weird to me but maybe it's a gender difference. I certainly don't need a guy to make what I make but he should be on his feet by his 50's.

I agree about the sex drive. I don't see what one's profession has to do with a sex drive....my guy is an office professional and he's got plenty of sex drive. To your point he doesn't drink much and is athletic.


----------



## Hiner112

lifeistooshort said:


> So you'd marry a financial train wreck? If so that's weird to me but maybe it's a gender difference. I certainly don't need a guy to make what I make but he should be on his feet by his 50's.
> 
> I agree about the sex drive. I don't see what one's profession has to do with a sex drive....my guy is an office professional and he's got plenty of sex drive. To your point he doesn't drink much and is athletic.


The mature financial train wreck is out of the realm of my experience. I'm sure they exist. I have a cousin that will likely not get straightened out even in a decade more when they catch up to my age but they're the exception. Their attitude towards money would be something we'd discuss but it would be more their attitude than specific situation that I would worry about. For instance, I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone that thinks saving for retirement is being miserly in the present (again).


----------



## RandomDude

Last lover was unemployed and had a debt problem 🙄, last ex was a student but was either working or always looking for work. Ex wife never needed to work as her family was very well off.

One of those I respected regardless of their income, there's a mindset requirement. I would say it's the same for guys too no?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Ok @TXTrini , I got my offer so now it's your turn for a bump at work!

I'm giving my notice tomorrow.


----------



## TXTrini

lifeistooshort said:


> Ok @TXTrini , I got my offer so now it's your turn for a bump at work!
> 
> I'm giving my notice tomorrow.


Congratulations! Trying to stay positive and keep moving forward, so I sure hope so!


----------



## Not

Been running around prepping like crazy. I’m driving cross country, leaving Thursday morning. My son‘s wedding is down in Georgia! 15 hours straight through. This means I’m going to be a grandmother in about one year lol! I’m not ready for grandma status! 😩😂

I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of
Dodge and I’ve never done a cross country when fall is in full swing so I’m hoping to get some good pictures going down through Tennessee.

Had a date last night. He was shaking like a leaf lol! Turns out I’m his very first date since his divorce. He was with his ex wife 32 years. Boy did I have a lot to tell him lol! I felt bad for him though so I tried to help him feel as comfortable as I could.

We’re both introverted and he’s a self-professed nerd and says so in his profile and at one point said he couldn’t understand why I messaged him back. That had me scratching my head because now I’m wondering how the hell my profile comes off. What’s the opposite of a nerd anyway?? 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea. And I behaved myself with my profile this time lol!

Also turns out he lives in the same town as tank and I’m not willing to do that, not unless I’m with some big scary looking big biker dude or obvious MMA fighter who would make tank turn and walk the other way. This is not a big town and running into him would happen. Just nope.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Been running around prepping like crazy. I’m driving cross country, leaving Thursday morning. My son‘s wedding is down in Georgia! 15 hours straight through. This means I’m going to be a grandmother in about one year lol! I’m not ready for grandma status! 😩😂
> 
> I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of
> Dodge and I’ve never done a cross country when fall is in full swing so I’m hoping to get some good pictures going down through Tennessee.
> 
> Had a date last night. He was shaking like a leaf lol! Turns out I’m his very first date since his divorce. He was with his ex wife 32 years. Boy did I have a lot to tell him lol! I felt bad for him though so I tried to help him feel as comfortable as I could.
> 
> We’re both introverted and he’s a self-professed nerd and says so in his profile and at one point said he couldn’t understand why I messaged him back. That had me scratching my head because now I’m wondering how the hell my profile comes off. What’s the opposite of a nerd anyway?? 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea. And I behaved myself with my profile this time lol!
> 
> Also turns out he lives in the same town as tank and I’m not willing to do that, not unless I’m with some big scary looking big biker dude or obvious MMA fighter who would make tank turn and walk the other way. This is not a big town and running into him would happen. Just nope.


I didn’t think your sexy profiles would have attracted introverted nerds 🤣


----------



## RebuildingMe

lifeistooshort said:


> Ok @TXTrini , I got my offer so now it's your turn for a bump at work!
> 
> I'm giving my notice tomorrow.


Congratulations!!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Been running around prepping like crazy. I’m driving cross country, leaving Thursday morning. My son‘s wedding is down in Georgia! 15 hours straight through. This means I’m going to be a grandmother in about one year lol! I’m not ready for grandma status! 😩😂
> 
> I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of
> Dodge and I’ve never done a cross country when fall is in full swing so I’m hoping to get some good pictures going down through Tennessee.
> 
> Had a date last night. He was shaking like a leaf lol! Turns out I’m his very first date since his divorce. He was with his ex wife 32 years. Boy did I have a lot to tell him lol! I felt bad for him though so I tried to help him feel as comfortable as I could.
> 
> We’re both introverted and he’s a self-professed nerd and says so in his profile and at one point said he couldn’t understand why I messaged him back. That had me scratching my head because now I’m wondering how the hell my profile comes off. What’s the opposite of a nerd anyway?? 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea. And I behaved myself with my profile this time lol!
> 
> Also turns out he lives in the same town as tank and I’m not willing to do that, not unless I’m with some big scary looking big biker dude or obvious MMA fighter who would make tank turn and walk the other way. This is not a big town and running into him would happen. Just nope.


32 years 😖

Heck and I whine about only a handful of years with my exs, still I don't know how people persist and look for love again. Then again I guess most people can't switch to happy loner mode or switch off their sex drives like me.

He reminds me of how it felt so weird having a new woman in my car after so many years, think he may be going through the same thing, breaking barriers. Shame his location and lack of intimidation factor makes him a no go. I would be more focused on connection but that's just me.


----------



## lifeistooshort

RebuildingMe said:


> Congratulations!!


Thank you 😊


----------



## LATERILUS79

lifeistooshort said:


> Thank you 😊


Agreed. Way to kick ass, LIfeistooshort.

still doing actuary work?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> 32 years 😖
> 
> Heck and I whine about only a handful of years with my exs, still I don't know how people persist and look for love again. Then again I guess most people can't switch to happy loner mode or switch off their sex drives like me.
> 
> He reminds me of how it felt so weird having a new woman in my car after so many years, think he may be going through the same thing, breaking barriers. Shame his location and lack of intimidation factor makes him a no go. I would be more focused on connection but that's just me.



He's just starting out and has no idea what he wants but he knows he's lonely. He's not a safe bet for someone like me who knows more of what she wants. He's not on solid ground. We're still talking, gave him my number after the date after he messaged me after the date. He's a good person who's just starting to find his way and I'm there for any dating questions or women in general questions.

My comments re: Tank were tongue in cheek. I don't want to be anywhere near him without protection.


----------



## lifeistooshort

LATERILUS79 said:


> Agreed. Way to kick ass, LIfeistooshort.
> 
> still doing actuary work?


Yes, and also data analytics.

I'm pretty nerdy 🤓


----------



## LATERILUS79

lifeistooshort said:


> Yes, and also data analytics.
> 
> I'm pretty nerdy 🤓


Life, I'm in the middle of operator training for our upcoming production campaign. I'll be presenting soon in about an hour. I need to get them all excited about using a new software to track the reliability of our equipment so that we can use that data to see which pieces of equipment need the most attention throughout an entire campaign because reliability is just so important! 

I know I'm going to get a lot of eye-rolls.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> He's just starting out and has no idea what he wants but he knows he's lonely. He's not a safe bet for someone like me who knows more of what she wants. He's not on solid ground. We're still talking, gave him my number after the date after he messaged me after the date. He's a good person who's just starting to find his way and I'm there for any dating questions or women in general questions.
> 
> My comments re: Tank were tongue in cheek. I don't want to be anywhere near him without protection.


It's kinda insane this is how Tank would like you two to remember each other, I know breakups can be messy but 😖


----------



## farsidejunky

LATERILUS79 said:


> Life, I'm in the middle of operator training for our upcoming production campaign. I'll be presenting soon in about an hour. I need to get them all excited about using a new software to track the reliability of our equipment so that we can use that data to see which pieces of equipment need the most attention throughout an entire campaign because reliability is just so important!
> 
> I know I'm going to get a lot of eye-rolls.


WIFM for the win.

What's
In it
For
Me

Find that for your Joe's, and you will get buy in. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## 342693

Not said:


> Had a date last night. He was shaking like a leaf lol! Turns out I’m his very first date since his divorce.


That will be me...lol. Haven't dated in 8+ years and not looking forward to it.


----------



## lifeistooshort

LATERILUS79 said:


> Life, I'm in the middle of operator training for our upcoming production campaign. I'll be presenting soon in about an hour. I need to get them all excited about using a new software to track the reliability of our equipment so that we can use that data to see which pieces of equipment need the most attention throughout an entire campaign because reliability is just so important!
> 
> I know I'm going to get a lot of eye-rolls.


I hope your presentation went well. I'm told my presentation skills are good, I'm social and animated so people stay engaged.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> Been running around prepping like crazy. I’m driving cross country, leaving Thursday morning. My son‘s wedding is down in Georgia! 15 hours straight through. This means I’m going to be a grandmother in about one year lol! I’m not ready for grandma status! 😩😂
> 
> I’m looking forward to getting the hell out of
> Dodge and I’ve never done a cross country when fall is in full swing so I’m hoping to get some good pictures going down through Tennessee.
> 
> Had a date last night. He was shaking like a leaf lol! Turns out I’m his very first date since his divorce. He was with his ex wife 32 years. Boy did I have a lot to tell him lol! I felt bad for him though so I tried to help him feel as comfortable as I could.
> 
> We’re both introverted and he’s a self-professed nerd and says so in his profile and at one point said he couldn’t understand why I messaged him back. That had me scratching my head because now I’m wondering how the hell my profile comes off. What’s the opposite of a nerd anyway?? 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea. And I behaved myself with my profile this time lol!
> 
> Also turns out he lives in the same town as tank and I’m not willing to do that, not unless I’m with some big scary looking big biker dude or obvious MMA fighter who would make tank turn and walk the other way. This is not a big town and running into him would happen. Just nope.


What's up with Tank? Is he belligerent?


----------



## Hiner112

ConanHub said:


> What's up with Tank? Is he belligerent?


He was showing some stalker tendencies.


----------



## ConanHub

Hiner112 said:


> He was showing some stalker tendencies.


A stealth tank?😉


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> A stealth tank?😉


Poop tank actually.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> Poop tank actually.


Ooh. Septic?😋


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> Ooh. Septic?😋


Perfect!


----------



## Lila

Congrats @lifeistooshort on the new job! I hope it delivers and you rock it. 

@Not congrats on your baby's upcoming wedding. I hope you brought a winter jacket. It's cold here in GA. 

Had an anxiety filled weekend. I have never posted a picture on social media of anyone I've dated since my divorce. This weekend, I finally posted one. It's a cute picture of me and Pogo at an event with friends. He's loving it. I am really not sure why I'm so anxious about it.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Lila said:


> Congrats @lifeistooshort on the new job! I hope it delivers and you rock it.
> 
> @Not congrats on your baby's upcoming wedding. I hope you brought a winter jacket. It's cold here in GA.
> 
> Had an anxiety filled weekend. I have never posted a picture on social media of anyone I've dated since my divorce. This weekend, I finally posted one. It's a cute picture of me and Pogo at an event with friends. He's loving it. I am really not sure why I'm so anxious about it.


Baby steps. This is a big one. Social media may as well be the front page of The NY Times for some people.


----------



## Lila

RebuildingMe said:


> Baby steps. This is a big one. Social media may as well be the front page of The NY Times for some people.


That's exactly why I'm freaking out. The only pics I've posted have been of my family and doing things with girlfriends. Even though I kind of buried it in the album, I'm getting messages from lots of people asking about him, and they are not buying "he's just a friend".


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> Congrats @lifeistooshort on the new job! I hope it delivers and you rock it.
> 
> @Not congrats on your baby's upcoming wedding. I hope you brought a winter jacket. It's cold here in GA.
> 
> Had an anxiety filled weekend. I have never posted a picture on social media of anyone I've dated since my divorce. This weekend, I finally posted one. It's a cute picture of me and Pogo at an event with friends. He's loving it. I am really not sure why I'm so anxious about it.


Thank you! I’ll be in Savannah with 76° and full sun! We’re at 43°here today so this trip is going to almost be tropical for me. 🌴 ☀ 😁

Anxiety is no bueno. Were you anxious just thinking about posting it? When I feel that way I usually choose to not do whatever it is that made me feel anxious. Posting that picture may sound like no big deal in general to most people because you were surrounded by friends but if you don’t feel good about it…
If it doesn’t feel right then it most likely isn’t, for you.


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Baby steps. This is a big one. Social media may as well be the front page of The NY Times for some people.


Ha! My social media is inviolate. My status still says single, and no pics together. It's not because I'm shady (my social media is locked down, I don't get messages from people I don't know). I figured my bf can go first if it really bugs him 😂


----------



## TexasMom1216

TXTrini said:


> Ha! My social media is inviolate. My status still says single, and no pics together. It's not because I'm shady (my social media is locked down, I don't get messages from people I don't know). I figured my bf can go first if it really bugs him 😂


You're a little shady.  The mystery is super sexy.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Thank you! I’ll be in Savannah with 76° and full sun! We’re at 43°here today so this trip is going to almost be tropical for me. 🌴 ☀ 😁
> 
> Anxiety is no bueno. Were you anxious just thinking about posting it? When I feel that way I usually choose to not do whatever it is that made me feel anxious. Posting that picture may sound like no big deal in general to most people because you were surrounded by friends but if you don’t feel good about it…
> If it doesn’t feel right then it most likely isn’t, for you.


Oooh Savannah is going to be beautiful this weekend. It's a great time to go. All of those trees in the historic district are going to make a beautiful backdrop for pictures. ❤

I am going to give it a few days and see if the anxiety isn't a result of not liking change. If I'm still not feeling it, I'll delete.


----------



## TXTrini

TexasMom1216 said:


> You're a little shady.  The mystery is super sexy.


😂 I dunno about that. 

Apparently, people have been keeping tabs on me, so the less info I put out, the better. Dunno why some dingleberries refuse to be flushed...


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Congrats @lifeistooshort on the new job! I hope it delivers and you rock it.
> 
> @Not congrats on your baby's upcoming wedding. I hope you brought a winter jacket. It's cold here in GA.
> 
> Had an anxiety filled weekend. I have never posted a picture on social media of anyone I've dated since my divorce. This weekend, I finally posted one. It's a cute picture of me and Pogo at an event with friends. He's loving it. I am really not sure why I'm so anxious about it.


hey, be proud of yourself. You did something outside of your comfort zone. That’s always a step forward in my opinion. It’s ok to be anxious.
I’m doing the same with navigating this new single life. New things that scare the crap out of me pop up all the time. Gotta push forward one way or the other. Don’t care how small of a step, it’s still a step.

good job!


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> Dunno why some dingleberries refuse to be flushed...


Gotta remove them from the hairy ass they are stuck to before they’ll flush down the toilet.


----------



## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> 😂 I dunno about that.
> 
> Apparently, people have been keeping tabs on me, so the less info I put out, the better. Dunno why some dingleberries refuse to be flushed...


How does the BF feel about that? I'm guessing he's cool with it, esp if he hasn't done anything on his either...


----------



## TXTrini

jlg07 said:


> How does the BF feel about that? I'm guessing he's cool with it, esp if he hasn't done anything on his either...


He doesn't care. He hasn't used social media since before we started dating. Heck, I think he still has a pic of him and an ex gf up (I snooped , duh! 😂


----------



## RandomDude

I've been thinking of my recent personality test that put me as 93% introverted ( 😊 )

Yet I have a social career and I always ended up with extroverted partners, I'm thinking I was so introverted I NEEDED the extroversion to balance me out.


----------



## joannacroc

OK so I feel relieved. I was sort of inwardly mourning a crush and sad he wasn't interested and then I saw him last month and met his current GF and her kid, and Jesus Christ is the whole situation a hot mess. I hope things work out for them but I'm glad it ain't me. Be careful what you wish for!!!

Anyway, finally emerged from my self-imposed nun-like existence. Signed up for Hinge. Some people in my age bracket seem nice. So we'll see. A lot of fake profiles and not very original fake names for them- it keeps shoving bearded Antoine's at me. What does that say about me? Lol. Think there's any kind of algorithm or is it just all random?


----------



## Not

Back from my trip and enjoyed the heck out of it. My sons wedding was beautiful. This is how we spent our first morning. Wish we’d had more time for this part. An empty tourist area, we had the whole beach to ourselves.


----------



## Not

Also had a date Wednesday evening. I’ll call him the gentlemanly trucker. Second date coming this weekend. Slighty overweight but I can see the hotty in there. If I got him into a gym he’d be trouble lol! He’d definitely draw some serious attention from the ladies. Absolutely beautiful eyes and very down to earth. To be continued….


----------



## Not

No date tonight. One of my office mates passed away unexpectedly early this morning. This is kicking my butt.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> No date tonight. One of my office mates passed away unexpectedly early this morning. This is kicking my butt.


Sorry to hear that, Not.


----------



## Not

My sweet friends service is today. Very long story short, she passed from a failed liver/kidney transplant. She suffered greatly the last several months but still came to work every day she was able too, which was a lot. And she never once complained. We were there with her through every step of this process and are just crushed that she lost in the end.

The gentlemanly trucker must not have believed me when I told him Saturday morning that my friend had passed and I canceled on him, needing some time. I spent the rest of Saturday in bed staring at my wall. He had me blocked by Sunday morning. I have no further comment on him.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> My sweet friends service is today. Very long story short, she passed from a failed liver/kidney transplant. She suffered greatly the last several months but still came to work every day she was able too, which was a lot. And she never once complained. We were there with her through every step of this process and are just crushed that she lost in the end.
> 
> The gentlemanly trucker must not have believed me when I told him Saturday morning that my friend had passed and I canceled on him, needing some time. I spent the rest of Saturday in bed staring at my wall. He had me blocked by Sunday morning. I have no further comment on him.


I'm sorry about your friend 😞

She has peace now.

Screw the trucker.....what a douchebag.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> My sweet friends service is today. Very long story short, she passed from a failed liver/kidney transplant. She suffered greatly the last several months but still came to work every day she was able too, which was a lot. And she never once complained. We were there with her through every step of this process and are just crushed that she lost in the end.
> 
> The gentlemanly trucker must not have believed me when I told him Saturday morning that my friend had passed and I canceled on him, needing some time. I spent the rest of Saturday in bed staring at my wall. He had me blocked by Sunday morning. I have no further comment on him.


I am so sorry for your loss, Not. 

You are strong. You will get through this.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> My sweet friends service is today. Very long story short, she passed from a failed liver/kidney transplant. She suffered greatly the last several months but still came to work every day she was able too, which was a lot. And she never once complained. We were there with her through every step of this process and are just crushed that she lost in the end.
> 
> The gentlemanly trucker must not have believed me when I told him Saturday morning that my friend had passed and I canceled on him, needing some time. I spent the rest of Saturday in bed staring at my wall. He had me blocked by Sunday morning. I have no further comment on him.


I'm sorry about your friend; that must have been shocking even though you knew about her suffering At least she had people like you who care about her. Hope you're doing ok.


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm sorry about your friend 😞
> 
> She has peace now.
> 
> Screw the trucker.....what a douchebag.


Thank you. 

That was my initial reaction to him too. He kicked me while I was down, screw him. But I do wonder how many times he's heard similar lines from women who couldn't just straight up tell him they weren't interested. I think it's all part of the dating game.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Thank you.
> 
> That was my initial reaction to him too. He kicked me while I was down, screw him. But I do wonder how many times he's heard similar lines from women who couldn't just straight up tell him they weren't interested. I think it's all part of the dating game.


His loss. If he wants to assume the worst of everyone off the bat, he'll probably be single for a long time. Or he's one of those good-time-boys, who only want fun times, nothing else.


----------



## RandomDude

How did you tell him? I would be suspicious too, but it's all in how it was said, not what was said.

Shame really, so many online matches burn out due to such stupid silly misunderstandings that wouldn't have happened if in person. But whatever


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> How did you tell him? I would be suspicious too, but it's all in how it was said, not what was said.
> 
> Shame really, so many online matches burn out due to such stupid silly misunderstandings that wouldn't have happened if in person. But whatever


 He was in class so I sent him a detailed text. He called later and I basically just repeated everything in the text. I really really wasn’t in the mood or even thinking about helping him feel OK with it all. Did not care at the time and he was practically a complete stranger to boot. 


I told him I would touch base with him on Sunday morning and I did. But I was blocked so he didn’t even wait around to see if I followed through. 

No matter, he was a complete stranger.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> He was in class so I sent him a detailed text. He called later and I basically just repeated everything in the text. I really really wasn’t in the mood or even thinking about helping him feel OK with it all. Did not care at the time and he was practically a complete stranger to boot.
> 
> 
> I told him I would touch base with him on Sunday morning and I did. But I was blocked so he didn’t even wait around to see if I followed through.
> 
> No matter, he was a complete stranger.


Yeah, I can see the misunderstanding but I reckon this is a case of "don't hate the player, hate the game", like you mentioned there are reasons for him to doubt you as well.

You are strangers after all. Just how it is. Oh well.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Thank you.
> 
> That was my initial reaction to him too. He kicked me while I was down, screw him. But I do wonder how many times he's heard similar lines from women who couldn't just straight up tell him they weren't interested. I think it's all part of the dating game.


I'd probably react the same way he did, nothing invested, nothing lost.

I'm sorry for your loss @Not


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> I'd probably react the same way he did, nothing invested, nothing lost.
> 
> I'm sorry for your loss @Not


That’s what I figured. And thank you.


----------



## 342693

Not said:


> The gentlemanly trucker must not have believed me when I told him Saturday morning that my friend had passed and I canceled on him, needing some time. I spent the rest of Saturday in bed staring at my wall. He had me blocked by Sunday morning. I have no further comment on him.


People are so immature..blocking you, seriously? Count your lucky stars. Dude sounds like a head case.

I didn't read the entire thread, but did you meet him online? You've gotta have thick skin and a great BS detector to do online dating.


----------



## Not

SCDad01 said:


> People are so immature..blocking you, seriously? Count your lucky stars. Dude sounds like a head case.
> 
> I didn't read the entire thread, but did you meet him online? You've gotta have thick skin and a great BS detector to do online dating.


Yes, met him online. I've been online dating off and on for 3-ish years with a couple of relationships mixed in during that time. One thing I've learned is everyone seems to be affected by online dating itself, sometimes in positive ways and others no so much. Lots of paranoia out there.


----------



## joannacroc

Canceled on a date with one fellow who seemed creepy, and have a first in person date with a guy I spoke to on the phone before next weekend. Fingers crossed.

P.s. I know everyone has their pet peeve on online dating, like a few guys who have said weird colored hair, or weird duck face photos but I gotta say, men in my age range with odd facial hair choices is rapidly becoming my superficial "not for me" barometer. With the great power to grow facial hair comes the great responsibility not to do evil with it, fellas!


----------



## ccpowerslave

What about a tightly trimmed 3mm length goatee? Is that weird?


----------



## heartsbeating

joannacroc said:


> Canceled on a date with one fellow who seemed creepy, and have a first in person date with a guy I spoke to on the phone before next weekend. Fingers crossed.
> 
> P.s. I know everyone has their pet peeve on online dating, like a few guys who have said weird colored hair, or weird duck face photos but I gotta say, men in my age range with odd facial hair choices is rapidly becoming my superficial "not for me" barometer. With the great power to grow facial hair comes the great responsibility not to do evil with it, fellas!


Good luck with the upcoming date!

What facial hair are you seeing that’s becoming your ‘nope’ signal? Reading your post reminded me years ago when friend at the time said she’d passed on a date with a guy as ‘he had a clit tickler’ …I about spat my drink out laughing ‘whah?’ First time I’d heard the term and she described the facial hair associated with that ‘name’.


----------



## Not

joannacroc said:


> Canceled on a date with one fellow who seemed creepy, and have a first in person date with a guy I spoke to on the phone before next weekend. Fingers crossed.
> 
> P.s. I know everyone has their pet peeve on online dating, like a few guys who have said weird colored hair, or weird duck face photos but I gotta say, men in my age range with odd facial hair choices is rapidly becoming my superficial "not for me" barometer. With the great power to grow facial hair comes the great responsibility not to do evil with it, fellas!


Yes, good luck on the date!

For me it’s hair coloring. When a 55 year old man has jet black hair/beard it’s a hard pass.


----------



## joannacroc

For those inquiring, and I'm sure this is probably just my personal preferences, it's like just a TON of guys with the circle beard or the friendly mutton chops as above. I think I must be getting old because my preference is beard or not. Some choices do end up looking a bit out of work magician or extra from Deliverance


----------



## In Absentia

joannacroc said:


> View attachment 93288
> 
> For those inquiring, and I'm sure this is probably just my personal preferences, it's like just a TON of guys with the circle beard or the friendly mutton chops as above. I think I must be getting old because my preference is beard or not. Some choices do end up looking a bit out of work magician or extra from Deliverance


I have a short (mainly silver) stubble. But many ladies tell me it suits me. I guess we won't be going out...


----------



## ccpowerslave

Circle beard is weird? Insanity… I mean it can be weird, but trimmed way down to be very short that can’t be weird?


----------



## In Absentia

ccpowerslave said:


> Circle beard is weird? Insanity… I mean it can be weird, but trimmed way down to be very short that can’t be weird?


Never liked it myself either... but then, I don't date men...


----------



## AVR1962

Had a date Thursday night. We got along well on the phone, both had lived in Germany with the military and it was nice to speak about same experiences. He made dinner plans for us at a sushi place knowing I like sushi. It was an evening of listening to him bash everyone, this man had the answers and everyone else was wrong. I asked about his adult children and he explains to me that both his kids got involved in drugs but of course that was all his ex's fault. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.


----------



## Not

AVR1962 said:


> Had a date Thursday night. We got along well on the phone, both had lived in Germany with the military and it was nice to speak about same experiences. He made dinner plans for us at a sushi place knowing I like sushi. It was an evening of listening to him bash everyone, this man had the answers and everyone else was wrong. I asked about his adult children and he explains to me that both his kids got involved in drugs but of course that was all his ex's fault. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.


Good on you AVR. Love it when people show their true colors right off the bat like that, makes life much easier for us as we weed our way through this dating jungle.


----------



## joannacroc

ccpowerslave said:


> Circle beard is weird? Insanity… I mean it can be weird, but trimmed way down to be very short that can’t be weird?


Maybe it's an American thing. But to me it just looks like those old internet, like the beard didn't fully load on their face. It's a me thing, probably. Everyone has their weird hangups.


----------



## joannacroc

Not said:


> Good on you AVR. Love it when people show their true colors right off the bat like that, makes life much easier for us as we weed our way through this dating jungle.


Exactly! Thankfully they weren't good at hiding that side of themself so didn't waste more of your time than necessary I guess?


----------



## DownByTheRiver

joannacroc said:


> View attachment 93288


Yes. Nope Nope Nope
Nope Nope Nope Nope
Nope Nope Nope Nope
Nope Nope Nope Nope
Nope Nope Nope Nope


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> Circle beard is weird? Insanity… I mean it can be weird, but trimmed way down to be very short that can’t be weird?


It's beaverly.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

AVR1962 said:


> Had a date Thursday night. We got along well on the phone, both had lived in Germany with the military and it was nice to speak about same experiences. He made dinner plans for us at a sushi place knowing I like sushi. It was an evening of listening to him bash everyone, this man had the answers and everyone else was wrong. I asked about his adult children and he explains to me that both his kids got involved in drugs but of course that was all his ex's fault. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.


I guess he thinks it's just great to be that way but I'm glad he let it all out so you could not waste any time with him.


----------



## jlg07

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes. Nope Nope Nope
> Nope Nope Nope Nope
> Nope Nope Nope Nope
> Nope Nope Nope Nope
> Nope Nope Nope Nope


Wow why the beard hate??? 

My wife is the one who asked me to grow a beard when we started dating -- and I've never been without some sort of beard since (although I did do a fu-manchu for a while.....)


----------



## DownByTheRiver

jlg07 said:


> Wow why the beard hate???
> 
> My wife is the one who asked me to grow a beard when we started dating -- and I've never been without some sort of beard since (although I did do a fu-manchu for a while.....)


Some women like them but mainly it's men who like them. But the women who like them really like them and the ones who don't really don't.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I got carded today buying beers at the market. I was like wow really? I have gray in my beard even though I tell myself it is blonde. Cashier lady “tee hee hee hee”. I think maybe she liked facial hair. Mrs: eyeroll.


----------



## bobert

DownByTheRiver said:


> Some women like them but mainly it's men who like them. But the women who like them really like them and the ones who don't really don't.


I get in so much trouble if I shave or even trim my beard too short. Even if my wife just hears me tidying up, she will come glare at me to make sure I don't take too much off. She finds a short or no beard (or short hair) on me unattractive. Personally, I hate it and between the hair and the beard, I think I look like a hobo half the time.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

bobert said:


> I get in so much trouble if I shave or even trim my beard too short. Even if my wife just hears me tidying up, she will come glare at me to make sure I don't take too much off. She finds a short or no beard (or short hair) on me unattractive. Personally, I hate it and between the hair and the beard, I think I look like a hobo half the time.


That's hilarious. But it's good she cares!


----------



## Not

Was just looking at the beard chart and have to add that I've noticed the circle beard is good for hiding a double chin. Just saying.


----------



## Not

Geez, this thread is dead.

Started talking to someone a few days ago. We may meet this weekend. So far so good. No Hello Beautiful or Good Morning Gorgeous stuff going on which is awesome. That stuff drives me buggy and you know they’re saying those things to every woman they talk to so I’m never impressed with that crap.

He’s a wounded vet. He’s touched upon his injuries somewhat but not in great detail. Fully mobile. Migraines/sleep issues and aches/pains from being shot mostly. I’m actually surprised he’s the only wounded vet I’ve come across during my time dating because I know there are lots of them out there.

Good looking and in decent shape. Seems to have a good head on his shoulders.

That’s the latest with me.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Geez, this thread is dead.


Maybe they saw my other thread and thought giving up was the best idea 😌


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Geez, this thread is dead.
> 
> Started talking to someone a few days ago. We may meet this weekend. So far so good. No Hello Beautiful or Good Morning Gorgeous stuff going on which is awesome. That stuff drives me buggy and you know they’re saying those things to every woman they talk to so I’m never impressed with that crap.
> 
> He’s a wounded vet. He’s touched upon his injuries somewhat but not in great detail. Fully mobile. Migraines/sleep issues and aches/pains from being shot mostly. I’m actually surprised he’s the only wounded vet I’ve come across during my time dating because I know there are lots of them out there.
> 
> Good looking and in decent shape. Seems to have a good head on his shoulders.
> 
> That’s the latest with me.


Well, I don't have much to add really. Things have been really wonderful with my bf. We've had our share of challenges, personal and together, but we've supported each other through every one so far and grown so much closer than even 6 months ago. 

I'm still working on getting my life together and until then, I can't consider the next step. He's been patient, kind and understanding with me, I know I can be difficult sometimes, so I truly appreciate it. 

It's been so good that I've been reconsidering my stance on remarriage. Even so, I still need time to figure out how that looks for me and he's been fine giving me the space I need to figure things out. While I appreciate his patience, I have to consider his needs and wants. He wants a lifetime partner, with or without marriage, so we've agreed to talk more about it when I feel more settled into my life. I don't feel I can offer a realistic partnership until I'm fully squared away. 

So, that's my update. I didn't think it would be appropriate or considerate to share it here. Although, I do want to encourage people who are interested in finding their special someone to not give up. What's worked for us was honesty and clear communication and mutual respect. It hasn't been an easy road, we both had to hear things we didn't like about ourselves, but we've said it and listened anyway. It was scary AF, but somehow it's been super comforting once we get over the initial butthurt.


----------



## Not

Wow, TX, that’s a big change in your perspective but expected I’d say. When you meet someone that you mesh with so well I think it’s part of the natural progression. He brings out that side of you. 😊


----------



## AVR1962

Another not so fun date!!! Ugh!!


----------



## RandomDude

AVR1962 said:


> Another not so fun date!!! Ugh!!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Wow, TX, that’s a big change in your perspective but expected I’d say. When you meet someone that you mesh with so well I think it’s part of the natural progression. He brings out that side of you. 😊


Ha! I didn't expect it at all, but we really do mesh well. I just wanted some regular sausage, but stayed for the BBQ 😆.


----------



## Hiner112

Not said:


> Geez, this thread is dead.



I'm still an hour and a half away from my GF. I still have a job and co-parent teenagers so the time together is limited to every other weekend and an occasional weeknight "date" at her place that often doesn't include an overnight (or really anything more than a hug and food). She still has 4 dogs and an elderly mother (that won't admit she's really elderly) that limits her freedom. We still have all of the sex I'm capable of having anytime we're together (All. Of. The. Sex.). I'm still reading my favorite books to her in the evenings when we can't be together and we're both are awake (finished The Hobbit and am half way through The Lord of the Rings now and will probably move on to Dune next). I still think she's one of my people and, even though she's not perfect, she might be a lifelong companion. We still have about 3.5 years before more serious plans would be practical (her mom and my kids being the main impediments).

Essentially the situation I was in a year ago is the situation I'm in now.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> Yes, good luck on the date!
> 
> For me it’s hair coloring. When a 55 year old man has jet black hair/beard it’s a hard pass.


So my 67 year old ex with his ****ty jet black toupee and gray hair around the sides (the little bit he has) wouldn't work for you?


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Geez, this thread is dead.
> 
> Started talking to someone a few days ago. We may meet this weekend. So far so good. No Hello Beautiful or Good Morning Gorgeous stuff going on which is awesome. That stuff drives me buggy and you know they’re saying those things to every woman they talk to so I’m never impressed with that crap.
> 
> He’s a wounded vet. He’s touched upon his injuries somewhat but not in great detail. Fully mobile. Migraines/sleep issues and aches/pains from being shot mostly. I’m actually surprised he’s the only wounded vet I’ve come across during my time dating because I know there are lots of them out there.
> 
> Good looking and in decent shape. Seems to have a good head on his shoulders.
> 
> That’s the latest with me.


How'd the date with the wounded vet go?


----------



## Lila

Things with Pogo are good. I posted pics of us on social media taken last night. They aren't buried in an album with other people. It's the first time I've made our relationship so blatantly obvious and people have noticed. I've been getting text messages all day asking about him. Everyone seems happy for me. 

The relationship isn't perfect but we're trying to figure out how to make it work. Time will tell if our efforts succeed. In the meantime, enjoying the hell out of him. 😁


----------



## Not

AVR1962 said:


> Another not so fun date!!! Ugh!!


Oh no! Hopefully not to bad.


----------



## Not

Hiner112 said:


> I'm still an hour and a half away from my GF. I still have a job and co-parent teenagers so the time together is limited to every other weekend and an occasional weeknight "date" at her place that often doesn't include an overnight (or really anything more than a hug and food). She still has 4 dogs and an elderly mother (that won't admit she's really elderly) that limits her freedom. We still have all of the sex I'm capable of having anytime we're together (All. Of. The. Sex.). I'm still reading my favorite books to her in the evenings when we can't be together and we're both are awake (finished The Hobbit and am half way through The Lord of the Rings now and will probably move on to Dune next). I still think she's one of my people and, even though she's not perfect, she might be a lifelong companion. We still have about 3.5 years before more serious plans would be practical (her mom and my kids being the main impediments).
> 
> Essentially the situation I was in a year ago is the situation I'm in now.


I love that you read to her over the phone!


----------



## RandomDude

Hiner112 said:


> I'm still an hour and a half away from my GF. I still have a job and co-parent teenagers so the time together is limited to every other weekend and an occasional weeknight "date" at her place that often doesn't include an overnight (or really anything more than a hug and food). She still has 4 dogs and an elderly mother (that won't admit she's really elderly) that limits her freedom. We still have all of the sex I'm capable of having anytime we're together (All. Of. The. Sex.). I'm still reading my favorite books to her in the evenings when we can't be together and we're both are awake (finished The Hobbit and am half way through The Lord of the Rings now and will probably move on to Dune next). I still think she's one of my people and, even though she's not perfect, she might be a lifelong companion. We still have about 3.5 years before more serious plans would be practical (her mom and my kids being the main impediments).
> 
> Essentially the situation I was in a year ago is the situation I'm in now.


Guess this is what bookworm romance looks like 😅 

It is nice to have a companion with an imagination, you can share worlds. 
I can't believe how many people don't have one!!!!


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> How'd the date with the wounded vet go?


Pretty good. We met at a local sports bar to watch the Bears/Falcons game. Seems blessedly normal! No macho bs, good conversationalist and polite. He invited one of his dads best friends to join us. Dad passed away about 6 months ago and this man is like a second dad to him. I thought it was a sweet gesture but I love older people.

So far so good still. He’s works the same schedule I do and lives nearby so he’s got time to devote to getting to know someone. That’s been an issue for me with dating. I’m not looking for someone I’ll see just a few times a month if things progress. Wouldn’t be happy with that at all.


----------



## joannacroc

First date this weekend went very well and evolved into a second and third.

He's funny, really smart and well endowed with copious...attributes, which was a nice surprise. 😁I have my folks coming for a visit so we'll see in a couple of weeks if it evolves into anything but even if it doesn't, he made me laugh a lot this weekend and I'd like to spend time with him again.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> First date this weekend went very well and evolved into a second and third.
> 
> He's funny, really smart and well endowed with copious...attributes, which was a nice surprise. 😁I have my folks coming for a visit so we'll see in a couple of weeks if it evolves into anything but even if it doesn't, he made me laugh a lot this weekend and I'd like to spend time with him again.


So.. . What copious attributes are we talking about here? 😁


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> So.. . What copious attributes are we talking about here? 😁


Very good in bed, great stamina and really good...equipment.


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> Very good in bed, great stamina and really good...equipment.


Enjoy and lock that **** down 😆


----------



## Not

joannacroc said:


> Very good in bed, great stamina and really good...equipment.


Score for the girls team! 😉😁


----------



## RebuildingMe

So now the number of hair follicles on the face means something? I’m getting ready to dump dating real soon. Women are out of control.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> So now the number of hair follicles on the face means something? I’m getting ready to dump dating real soon. Women are out of control.


No we’re not lol! But some of you men are. 🤦‍♀️😂😂. ( This post is purely for entertainment purposes and to cheer rebuilding’s grumpy ass up)


----------



## joannacroc

RebuildingMe said:


> So now the number of hair follicles on the face means something? I’m getting ready to dump dating real soon. Women are out of control.


Look, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was just commenting on a common quibble I have in terms of personal preference. I'm sure if someone looked at me online they would find plenty of stuff to dislike - not many full body pictures, I'm fluffy, I have a big nose etc. Etc. These are all just preferences we're talking about just like I'm sure you would have looking online at women. We all have things we like and don't like, and that's ok. But I really didn't mean to offend anyone. It was intended as a light hearted observation. I can see that I hurt people's feelings, so I'm sorry if I was insensitive.


----------



## Faithful Wife

joannacroc said:


> Look, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was just commenting on a common quibble I have in terms of personal preference. I'm sure if someone looked at me online they would find plenty of stuff to dislike - not many full body pictures, I'm fluffy, I have a big nose etc. Etc. These are all just preferences we're talking about just like I'm sure you would have looking online at women. We all have things we like and don't like, and that's ok. But I really didn't mean to offend anyone. It was intended as a light hearted observation. I can see that I hurt people's feelings, so I'm sorry if I was insensitive.


It's weird to me how men will talk allllll day about alllllll of their preferences, but women talk about our preferences and somehow it makes us shallow or something.  We are supposed to just see their insides I think? And even if their insides are rotten, we still can't dismiss them for that reason, we should have "given them a chance". But heaven forbid we discuss their bodies, their looks, their height, what makes men sexy to us and what doesn't, or anything along those lines. Men seem to have told each other for so long that "looks don't matter to women" that they actually believed it!

It's really a lot more comfortable to just accept that everyone will judge you on your looks and they will not date you if they aren't into it, while you do the same and don't date people you aren't attracted to.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> So.. . What copious attributes are we talking about here? 😁


You mischievous.😂


----------



## ConanHub

Hiner112 said:


> I'm still an hour and a half away from my GF. I still have a job and co-parent teenagers so the time together is limited to every other weekend and an occasional weeknight "date" at her place that often doesn't include an overnight (or really anything more than a hug and food). She still has 4 dogs and an elderly mother (that won't admit she's really elderly) that limits her freedom. We still have all of the sex I'm capable of having anytime we're together (All. Of. The. Sex.). I'm still reading my favorite books to her in the evenings when we can't be together and we're both are awake (finished The Hobbit and am half way through The Lord of the Rings now and will probably move on to Dune next). I still think she's one of my people and, even though she's not perfect, she might be a lifelong companion. We still have about 3.5 years before more serious plans would be practical (her mom and my kids being the main impediments).
> 
> Essentially the situation I was in a year ago is the situation I'm in now.


Tolkien.......Herbert......Big love man. Your girlfriend is blessed.😉


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> You mischievous.😂


But of course! Where's the fun if you're not amusing yourself? 😁


----------



## AVR1962

RandomDude said:


> View attachment 93672


Met on Match days before my subscription expired. My profile indicated seeking LTR and was noted not interested in FWB or hook-ups. Handsome man a couple years younger than myself like my profile....prior Service man so we had the lifestyle in common, said he was looking for a real connection and if we "jived" we could see where it goes. He asked me to meet him at the VFW hall where he was doing some volunteer work and would be done by a designated time. He said he would introduce me to some of the retirees. I went knowing what I was going into and did meet many of the people there, it was nice to be back among military people. One of his friends was there and I got to meet him.

As the evening goes on, watching a football on the big screen at the hall, he tells me that he still lives with his girlfriend but that they had not been getting along and he was planning to move out. Then later he asks me if I like to smoke pot. I told him I was not interested in getting involved with a man who was seeing someone else or someone who likes to partake in smoking.


----------



## TXTrini

AVR1962 said:


> Met on Match days before my subscription expired. My profile indicated seeking LTR and was noted not interested in FWB or hook-ups. Handsome man a couple years younger than myself like my profile....prior Service man so we had the lifestyle in common, said he was looking for a real connection and if we "jived" we could see where it goes. He asked me to meet him at the VFW hall where he was doing some volunteer work and would be done by a designated time. He said he would introduce me to some of the retirees. I went knowing what I was going into and did meet many of the people there, it was nice to be back among military people. One of his friends was there and I got to meet him.
> 
> *As the evening goes on, watching a football on the big screen at the hall, he tells me that he still lives with his girlfriend but that they had not been getting along and he was planning to move out. Then later he asks me if I like to smoke pot. I told him I was not interested in getting involved with a man who was seeing someone else or someone who likes to partake in smoking.*


WTF is wrong with these jokers???


----------



## RandomDude

AVR1962 said:


> Met on Match days before my subscription expired. My profile indicated seeking LTR and was noted not interested in FWB or hook-ups. Handsome man a couple years younger than myself like my profile....prior Service man so we had the lifestyle in common, said he was looking for a real connection and if we "jived" we could see where it goes. He asked me to meet him at the VFW hall where he was doing some volunteer work and would be done by a designated time. He said he would introduce me to some of the retirees. I went knowing what I was going into and did meet many of the people there, it was nice to be back among military people. One of his friends was there and I got to meet him.
> 
> As the evening goes on, watching a football on the big screen at the hall, he tells me that he still lives with his girlfriend but that they had not been getting along and he was planning to move out. Then later he asks me if I like to smoke pot. I told him I was not interested in getting involved with a man who was seeing someone else or someone who likes to partake in smoking.


Damn.

It always starts so promising doesn't it? Well, most of the time... sometimes they start by catfish 😅

People still use match? I always thought it was a scam but maybe that's what it is in Australia.


----------



## AVR1962

RandomDude said:


> Damn.
> 
> It always starts so promising doesn't it? Well, most of the time... sometimes they start by catfish 😅
> 
> People still use match? I always thought it was a scam but maybe that's what it is in Australia.


Match seems to be pretty popular yet, I least that I can see. Not sure if there are dating apps that are actually good for a true connection.


----------



## OnTheFly

Faithful Wife said:


> It's weird to me how men will talk allllll day about alllllll of their preferences, but women talk about our preferences and somehow it makes us shallow or something.  We are supposed to just see their insides I think? And even if their insides are rotten, we still can't dismiss them for that reason, we should have "given them a chance". But heaven forbid we discuss their bodies, their looks, their height, what makes men sexy to us and what doesn't, or anything along those lines. Men seem to have told each other for so long that "looks don't matter to women" that they actually believed it!


Agreed.

These Chads and Tyrones are the bane of modern dating.

I also agree, the best way to deal with it is to imitate their ways.


----------



## Faithful Wife

OnTheFly said:


> Agreed.
> 
> These Chads and Tyrones are the bane of modern dating.
> 
> I also agree, the best way to deal with it is to imitate their ways.


Not sure why anyone who is good looking, male or female, is automatically assumed to be a jerk (ie: Chad or Tyrone). I haven't even seen a pic lately but I know @ConanHub is a very good looking muscular man, who also seems to be a good parent, good husband, successful business man, etc. And although he is special to all of us around here, he's not unique in the world of men, there are others who are great people _as well as_ good looking and good in bed. 

And of course, 99% of men, not just jerks, Chads and Tyrones, actually want a woman they are physically attracted to. But if women do it, it is only in the Chad/Tyrone area?


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> Not sure why anyone who is good looking, male or female, is automatically assumed to be a jerk (ie: Chad or Tyrone). I haven't even seen a pic lately but I know @ConanHub is a very good looking muscular man, who also seems to be a good parent, good husband, successful business man, etc. And although he is special to all of us around here, he's not unique in the world of men, there are others who are great people _as well as_ good looking and good in bed.
> 
> And of course, 99% of men, not just jerks, Chads and Tyrones, actually want a woman they are physically attracted to. But if women do it, it is only in the Chad/Tyrone area?


Jealousy isn't a good look on anyone. It's easier to turn one's critical gaze outwards, that inwards to see what can be improved. 

The only men I've ever met who were bitter didn't take self-improvement up, but instead spouted bitter butthurt.


----------



## OnTheFly

Faithful Wife said:


> ...but I know @ConanHub is a very good looking muscular man,


Amen!


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> Jealousy isn't a good look on anyone. It's easier to turn one's critical gaze outwards, that inwards to see what can be improved.
> 
> The only men I've ever met who were bitter didn't take self-improvement up, but instead spouted bitter butthurt.


But even when it is nothing to be improved on, it is just someone else's preferences, why be butt hurt? That applies to men or women. If you aren't someone's cup of tea (especially someone you'd never actually meet or date anyway) why would this hurt your feelings? And if it does hurt your feelings, does that mean you are attracted to literally everyone and have no preferences of your own? Because if you do have preferences, it should be clear that others do as well and it isn't personal.


----------



## Faithful Wife

OnTheFly said:


> Amen!


Exactly! Muscly, good looking, a good person, loves his wife and kids.....AMEN!!!!


----------



## OnTheFly

Faithful Wife said:


> Exactly! Muscly, good looking, a good person, loves his wife and kids.....AMEN!!!!


Not many like him for the single, over 50 ladies, though. Usually snapped up right quick.

Alas, one can hold out and hope he comes along.


----------



## Faithful Wife

OnTheFly said:


> Not many like him for the single, over 50 ladies, though. Usually snapped up right quick.
> 
> Alas, one can hold out and hope he comes along.


Sure, of course all of us old single ladies had better give up on finding any decent, good looking man. It's a bunch of cats for me!!!!  (actually just a cute little bird)

Thank goodness men like you are around to put us in our place. How dare we have preferences or notice how men look and act?


----------



## RandomDude

I've given up at 36 🤗

Do men really look down on women appreciating a man's looks? I would prefer that over someone who doesn't find me attractive and goes for just my personality and I'm sure that goes for most men.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Faithful Wife said:


> Sure, of course all of us old single ladies had better give up on finding any decent, good looking man. It's a bunch of cats for me!!!!  (actually just a cute little bird)
> 
> Thank goodness men like you are around to put us in our place. How dare we have preferences or notice how men look and act?


I just had sex with one of those decent, good looking men this morning. It's been 4 years and he still seems to like me.

But I'm only 48 so I have a couple more years before I expire


----------



## lifeistooshort

RandomDude said:


> I've given up at 36 🤗
> 
> Do men really look down on women appreciating a man's looks? I would prefer that over someone who doesn't find me attractive and goes for just my personality and I'm sure that goes for most men.


I think my guy would be disappointed if I didn't appreciate his good looks.

Fortunately I do!


----------



## RandomDude

lifeistooshort said:


> I think my guy would be disappointed if I didn't appreciate his good looks.
> 
> Fortunately I do!


I would dump her 😅

I dunno, all this talk of women going for personality first and needing the connection etc. Like that's all well and good, but if I go out with several women, one isn't touchy feely and says she needs time and she needs a mental connection, compared to one who plays footsie with me under the table, locking eyes with me all night, commenting on what she finds me attractive, playing with my parts on the drive home and pulling me into her apartment to fk her brains out.

Yeah, I'm going with option two


----------



## OnTheFly

Faithful Wife said:


> Thank goodness men like you are around to put us in our place.


I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## Faithful Wife

lifeistooshort said:


> I just had sex with one of those decent, good looking men this morning. It's been 4 years and he still seems to like me.
> 
> But I'm only 48 so I have a couple more years before I expire


I'm pretty sure the "wall" red pill men claim we will hit and never recover from happens way before 48-50. Most of them say we have to be 28 or younger to be worthy of male attention. But we must be outliers and therefore we don't really count anyway. That's what all those lovely books and blogs say anyway.

And it really doesn't matter if we have decent good looking men lined up to date us, the red pillers simply wouldn't believe it even if they saw the line themselves. So I suppose it is just easier to watch and laugh at what they believe and stay far, far away from them. 

PS I'm super happy for you and have read your updates now and then and your guy (and yourself as well!) sounds like a catch.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> But even when it is nothing to be improved on, it is just someone else's preferences, why be butt hurt? That applies to men or women. If you aren't someone's cup of tea (especially someone you'd never actually meet or date anyway) why would this hurt your feelings? And if it does hurt your feelings, does that mean you are attracted to literally everyone and have no preferences of your own? Because if you do have preferences, it should be clear that others do as well and it isn't personal.


I don't understand it either. I wasn't everyone's cup of tea when I was younger either (I'm still not), so I found men who were attracted to me.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm pretty sure the "wall" red pill men claim we will hit and never recover from happens way before 48-50. Most of them say we have to be 28 or younger to be worthy of male attention. But we must be outliers and therefore we don't really count anyway. That's what all those lovely books and blogs say anyway.
> 
> And it really doesn't matter if we have decent good looking men lined up to date us, the red pillers simply wouldn't believe it even if they saw the line themselves. So I suppose it is just easier to watch and laugh at what they believe and stay far, far away from them.
> 
> PS I'm super happy for you and have read your updates now and then and your guy (and yourself as well!) sounds like a catch.


No, they think men only line up for us to get an easy lay and move on. I guess my boyfriend's ok getting an easy lay for nearly 3yrs from this past-the-wall 43 y/o.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Do men really look down on women appreciating a man's looks?


Only certain kinds of men, but yes they do. Don't ask me why. I've read all the red pill blogs and books and it still doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Only certain kinds of men, but yes they do. Don't ask me why. I've read all the red pill blogs and books and it still doesn't make sense to me.


I believe a woman deserves to feel desired by her partner as well. When you mentioned your appreciation for those who appreciate breasts for example, it reminded me of the pain I caused in my relationships. With ex wife I was sexually but not romantically attracted, with last ex I thought it was enough to be romantically attracted and draw my sexual attraction there. I was wrong.

I think we need to embrace the nature of our superficiality, it's fair in its own way as there is no accounting for taste, and that is simply facts. But hey that's just me based from my experiences.


----------



## lifeistooshort

TXTrini said:


> No, they think men only line up for us to get an easy lay and move on. I guess my boyfriend's ok getting an easy lay for nearly 3yrs from this past-the-wall 43 y/o.


But are you an easy lay?

I'm not. We have a lot of sex but he also makes a lot of relationship effort so I'm inclined to feel romantic towards him  

And he does put up with my perimenopause mood swings.....though it my defense I've been more even the last couple of years.


----------



## Affaircare

TXTrini said:


> No, they think men only line up for us to get an easy lay and move on. I guess my boyfriend's ok getting an easy lay for nearly 3yrs from this past-the-wall 43 y/o.


Well apparently I've been past TWO walls, since I'm 60yo now, and my hunky 60yo hubby can have an easy lay any day (or night) he wants! 

I will say this though: I have been a cute little thing my whole life, but I'm little...and I have an opinion I'm not afraid to express...and I still ride a motorcycle and zipline. So my guess is that I'm not everyone's cuppa tea. For the guy who's manly enough to grow his own facial hair and is looking for a half hobbit/half dwarf woman, though--I am just the ticket! If the guy is looking for arm-candy only: PASS!


----------



## lifeistooshort

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm pretty sure the "wall" red pill men claim we will hit and never recover from happens way before 48-50. Most of them say we have to be 28 or younger to be worthy of male attention. But we must be outliers and therefore we don't really count anyway. That's what all those lovely books and blogs say anyway.
> 
> And it really doesn't matter if we have decent good looking men lined up to date us, the red pillers simply wouldn't believe it even if they saw the line themselves. So I suppose it is just easier to watch and laugh at what they believe and stay far, far away from them.
> 
> PS I'm super happy for you and have read your updates now and then and your guy (and yourself as well!) sounds like a catch.


Thanks sister!

He's a great guy and more importantly we're highly compatible and love each other's company. I think we both got lucky.....I certainly upgraded from ****ty toupee guy!


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> I just had sex with one of those decent, good looking men this morning. It's been 4 years and he still seems to like me.
> 
> But I'm only 48 so I have a couple more years before I expire


So I’ve reached my Sell By date then 🤦‍♀️😁


----------



## lifeistooshort

Not said:


> So I’ve reached my Sell By date then 🤦‍♀️😁


I'd still advise you to avoid ****ty toupees!


----------



## Not

lifeistooshort said:


> I'd still advice you to avoid ****ty toupees!


At my advanced age, I’m more concerned with their proper usage of Efferdent and Poly Grip.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> So I’ve reached my Sell By date then 🤦‍♀️😁


The good news is that men who think women are washed up at some specific age and shouldn't expect to find any decent attractive man, are not the men we are looking for anyway. So as we find and date the decent attractive men, the bitter men who think women shouldn't have preferences just continue to blah blah blah while we go about our lives.


----------



## TXTrini

lifeistooshort said:


> But are you an easy lay?
> 
> I'm not. We have a lot of sex but he also makes a lot of relationship effort so I'm inclined to feel romantic towards him
> 
> And he does put up with my perimenopause mood swings.....though it my defense I've been more even the last couple of years.


Maybe, I'm HD than him 

Honestly, I'm truly surprised at how easy it feels, despite all the crap that's happened in our lives. Sometimes one/both of us will get butthurt about something, but we speak up and usually, it's a miscommunication. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I truly don't have any complaints. 

So does it count as an easy lay if things just feel easy?


----------



## lifeistooshort

TXTrini said:


> Maybe, I'm HD than him
> 
> Honestly, I'm truly surprised at how easy it feels, despite all the crap that's happened in our lives. Sometimes one/both of us will get butthurt about something, but we speak up and usually, it's a miscommunication. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I truly don't have any complaints.
> 
> So does it count as an easy lay if things just feel easy?


No, it means you're compatible so the effort doesn't feel like such a big deal. Yay!

You like sex but would you hop in with anyone?


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> The good news is that men who think women are washed up at some specific age and shouldn't expect to find any decent attractive man, are not the men we are looking for anyway. So as we find and date the decent attractive men, the bitter men who think women shouldn't have preferences just continue to blah blah blah while we go about our lives.


Exactly! I've never had any issues finding a man I found attractive who was interested. And I'm not in the best shape of my life, either.


----------



## TXTrini

lifeistooshort said:


> No, it means you're compatible so the effort doesn't feel like such a big deal. Yay!


Awesome!


lifeistooshort said:


> You like sex but would you hop in with anyone?


That depends 😂.

I was incredibly touch/affection starved by the time I divorced, I was extrasuperhorny and have my regrets. So, I can't say I'd _never_ 🙈


----------



## Hiner112

I don't have a problem with a woman expressing their preferences. I do have a problem when it comes off as a judgement on my worth as a person. If it comes across as "men who don't meet criterion X are beneath me" it kind of irks me. The difference between, "I like guys that are X" and "guys that are not X are undesirable, unattractive, not real men, etc". I guess on the bright side, now that I'm older I'm not forced to interact with... well... anyone but particularly people like that.


----------



## ConanHub

OnTheFly said:


> Not many like him for the single, over 50 ladies, though. Usually snapped up right quick.
> 
> Alas, one can hold out and hope he comes along.


Just for information.... If , heaven forbid, Mrs. Conan passed and I needed a wife, women between 40 and 60 would be just my speed. Especially intelligent, capable women who have worked to maintain their health.

I look at everyone because humans are beautiful but women in my age range that are accomplished and competent are this barbarian's kryptonite.

A younger woman has about a zero chance of seducing this barbarian.😉


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> Not sure why anyone who is good looking, male or female, is automatically assumed to be a jerk (ie: Chad or Tyrone). I haven't even seen a pic lately but I know @ConanHub is a very good looking muscular man, who also seems to be a good parent, good husband, successful business man, etc. And although he is special to all of us around here, he's not unique in the world of men, there are others who are great people _as well as_ good looking and good in bed.
> 
> And of course, 99% of men, not just jerks, Chads and Tyrones, actually want a woman they are physically attracted to. But if women do it, it is only in the Chad/Tyrone area?


Well thank you! Genetic predisposition and hard physical work aside, it doesn't preclude someone from having a real heart and feelings.

I cook and bring flowers too.🙂


----------



## ConanHub

P.S. Single men.... If you can cook at all, do it and improve on it!

Women really love good food and the response to a man that cooks is seriously sexual!

Lady Conan is smoldering tonight!😉


----------



## ConanHub

AVR1962 said:


> Met on Match days before my subscription expired. My profile indicated seeking LTR and was noted not interested in FWB or hook-ups. Handsome man a couple years younger than myself like my profile....prior Service man so we had the lifestyle in common, said he was looking for a real connection and if we "jived" we could see where it goes. He asked me to meet him at the VFW hall where he was doing some volunteer work and would be done by a designated time. He said he would introduce me to some of the retirees. I went knowing what I was going into and did meet many of the people there, it was nice to be back among military people. One of his friends was there and I got to meet him.
> 
> As the evening goes on, watching a football on the big screen at the hall, he tells me that he still lives with his girlfriend but that they had not been getting along and he was planning to move out. Then later he asks me if I like to smoke pot. I told him I was not interested in getting involved with a man who was seeing someone else or someone who likes to partake in smoking.


Good Lord!

I'm so angry for you.

Women are suffering in the current dating market too.

God bless you.


----------



## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> I just had sex with one of those decent, good looking men this morning. It's been 4 years and he still seems to like me.
> 
> But I'm only 48 so I have a couple more years before I expire


You're a catch. Your ex is a fool and your SO is not and is benefitting from the fool's folly.

I love your story!😂


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> Sure, of course all of us old single ladies had better give up on finding any decent, good looking man. It's a bunch of cats for me!!!!  (actually just a cute little bird)
> 
> Thank goodness men like you are around to put us in our place. How dare we have preferences or notice how men look and act?


Keep your standards lady. We all have them and there is nothing wrong with that. I just don't like people being mean about it and I have seen you feel the same.

I get your sense of humor and irony however and I love laughing and you make me laugh.🙂


----------



## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> I think my guy would be disappointed if I didn't appreciate his good looks.
> 
> Fortunately I do!


You definitely traded up in every aspect!

I also think your story is inspiring.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> I believe a woman deserves to feel desired by her partner as well. When you mentioned your appreciation for those who appreciate breasts for example


Thank you for reminding me about @Faithful Wife's boobie post. Still the greatest post I've ever read in my life. 


Holy sh1t do I love boobs. 


Anywho, everyone please carry on with the current discussion. This has been entertaining. Congrats to those having much sex. Other congrats to those going on dates and enjoying others equipment. Sorry to those that are having a rough go.


----------



## Lila

joannacroc said:


> Very good in bed, great stamina and really good...equipment.


----------



## Lila

AVR1962 said:


> One of his friends was there and I got to meet him.



I'm sorry your date turned out to be a **** show. 

I had a similar experience soon after I started back dating after my divorce. Met a guy online. I found him attractive, polished, smart, charismatic, with what seemed like high emotional intelligence. Had a coffee date, a lunch date, and then after the third date (hookah bar) he admits to being polyamorous with a live-in girlfriend (who is married to someone else). That night I learned what deer in the headlight feels like. Thank goodness we were outside near our cars. Quickly jumped in mine and drove off. 

However, I'm not one to waste an introduction. What did you think of his friend? Any chemistry there?


----------



## ccpowerslave

ConanHub said:


> A younger woman has about a zero chance of seducing this barbarian.


I agree. The difference in wisdom, life experience, etc… would be way too much to take seriously. When interacting with people who are 20+ years younger it feels like they’re your kid or something to me.


----------



## ConanHub

ccpowerslave said:


> I agree. The difference in wisdom, life experience, etc… would be way too much to take seriously. When interacting with people who are 20+ years younger it feels like they’re you’re kid or something to me.


These days, people in their early thirties feel like kiddos to me.😉


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> I agree. The difference in wisdom, life experience, etc… would be way too much to take seriously. When interacting with people who are 20+ years younger it feels like they’re you’re kid or something to me.


Crossing generations felt like dating a whole new culture! 

So lit! Such goals! Omg so extra! So basic! Vibe with me! N to the O to the no no no no!


----------



## leftfield

ConanHub said:


> Well thank you! Genetic predisposition and hard physical work aside, it doesn't preclude someone from having a real heart and feelings.
> 
> I cook and bring flowers too.🙂
> 
> View attachment 93821


Soooooo, about cooking. How long did you cook that apple?


----------



## AVR1962

Lila said:


> I'm sorry your date turned out to be a **** show.
> 
> I had a similar experience soon after I started back dating after my divorce. Met a guy online. I found him attractive, polished, smart, charismatic, with what seemed like high emotional intelligence. Had a coffee date, a lunch date, and then after the third date (hookah bar) he admits to being polyamorous with a live-in girlfriend (who is married to someone else). That night I learned what deer in the headlight feels like. Thank goodness we were outside near our cars. Quickly jumped in mine and drove off.
> 
> However, I'm not one to waste an introduction. What did you think of his friend? Any chemistry there?


I liked his friend, in fact the guy I was on the date with was so busy being Mr Social that I felt I spent more time talking to his friend. I was actually thinking of telling the guy I dated if his friend was available to give my number to him.


----------



## Lila

AVR1962 said:


> I liked his friend, in fact the guy I was on the date with was so busy being Mr Social that I felt I spent more time talking to his friend. I was actually thinking of telling the guy I dated if his friend was available to give my number to him.


I would tell the guy you dated that you'd like to match his friend up with someone you know (not a lie). Then tell him to have his friend call you for more details. 😉😁


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> I would tell the guy you dated that you'd like to match his friend up with someone you know (not a lie). Then tell him to have his friend call you for more details. 😉😁


Ninja move. Impressive, most impressive.😋


----------



## AVR1962

Lila said:


> I would tell the guy you dated that you'd like to match his friend up with someone you know (not a lie). Then tell him to have his friend call you for more details. 😉😁


I decided to contact him, told the guy I had the date with that I understood his situation and that I saw him as unavailable, that I would not want to cause him confusion by seeing him and I would not want to cause his girlfriend is hard feelings. I asked him if his friend was available. He responded, "WOW! He is in a situation that I will let him explain. I will pass your number on." I then wish him the best in his situation. He replied with, "Please delete my number."

So it is okay to to chat up women for dates without disclosing upfront that he is in a relationship BUT let's flip this and watch what happens. You think for a moment, if this man, thought I was seeing another man that he would also not feel duped? He got what he deserved and I did not do this to be malicious. I am just sick of the cheaters and it is time to be real!!!!!


----------



## TXTrini

AVR1962 said:


> I decided to contact him, told the guy I had the date with that I understood his situation and that I saw him as unavailable, that I would not want to cause him confusion by seeing him and I would not want to cause his girlfriend is hard feelings. I asked him if his friend was available. He responded, "WOW! He is in a situation that I will let him explain. I will pass your number on." I then wish him the best in his situation. He replied with, "Please delete my number."
> 
> So it is okay to to chat up women for dates without disclosing upfront that he is in a relationship BUT let's flip this and watch what happens. You think for a moment, if this man, thought I was seeing another man that he would also not feel duped? He got what he deserved and I did not do this to be malicious. I am just sick of the cheaters and it is time to be real!!!!!


🤣 🤣 🤣 
Omg, I love that you had the balls to straight up do that ! That mofo's gall is hilarious! I'm dying here imagining the look on his face when homegirl asked about his friend instead of feeling grateful to hop on for sloppy seconds! 

You're not malicious, but it's super funny! He looked for that indeed. Imagine the utter selfishness to be dating around without informing your partner its over! Wtf does "its not working out" mean when you're shacked up! Cowardly cheaters need to monkey branch. 

Do you think he'll pass on your number? Call me a suspicious *****, but I'd sideeye his friend too, after all he likes him enough to be around him and he obviously knows and condones what he's doing. I'd move on from those people altogether.


----------



## Works

AVR1962 said:


> I decided to contact him, told the guy I had the date with that I understood his situation and that I saw him as unavailable, that I would not want to cause him confusion by seeing him and I would not want to cause his girlfriend is hard feelings. I asked him if his friend was available. He responded, "WOW! He is in a situation that I will let him explain. I will pass your number on." I then wish him the best in his situation. He replied with, "Please delete my number."
> 
> So it is okay to to chat up women for dates without disclosing upfront that he is in a relationship BUT let's flip this and watch what happens. You think for a moment, if this man, thought I was seeing another man that he would also not feel duped? He got what he deserved and I did not do this to be malicious. I am just sick of the cheaters and it is time to be real!!!!!


You go girl!!! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I did something similar years and years ago... I was on a date with this guy, he brought his friend along... ended up having to stop for the guy I was on the "date" with to get a sweater from his place for him. While in the car with his friend, I looked to the backseat, said, I know I'm on the date with your friend... but I want you! We ended dating almost 3 years... Btw.. I was 16 then. 🤭 I've always been bold in my approach when it came to men. I don't play games... Either I want to be with you, or I don't. If I do, you'll know it.


----------



## AVR1962

Works said:


> You go girl!!! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
> 
> I did something similar years and years ago... I was on a date with this guy, he brought his friend along... ended up having to stop for the guy I was on the "date" with to get a sweater from his place for him. While in the car with his friend, I looked to the backseat, said, I know I'm on the date with your friend... but I want you! We ended dating almost 3 years... Btw.. I was 16 then. 🤭 I've always been bold in my approach when it came to men. I don't play games... Either I want to be with you, or I don't. If I do, you'll know it.


Good for you!!!!!!!


----------



## AVR1962

TXTrini said:


> 🤣 🤣 🤣
> Omg, I love that you had the balls to straight up do that ! That mofo's gall is hilarious! I'm dying here imagining the look on his face when homegirl asked about his friend instead of feeling grateful to hop on for sloppy seconds!
> 
> You're not malicious, but it's super funny! He looked for that indeed. Imagine the utter selfishness to be dating around without informing your partner its over! Wtf does "its not working out" mean when you're shacked up! Cowardly cheaters need to monkey branch.
> 
> Do you think he'll pass on your number? Call me a suspicious ***, but I'd sideeye his friend too, after all he likes him enough to be around him and he obviously knows and condones what he's doing. I'd move on from those people altogether.


Exactly!!!!! I too was dying of laughter at his response to delete his number. These guys need their S**T pushed back in their face. I do not think he will pass the number on and that is fine.


----------



## TXTrini

AVR1962 said:


> Exactly!!!!! I too was dying of laughter at his response to delete his number. These guys need their S**T pushed back in their face. I do not think he will pass the number on and that is fine.


I hope he doesn't. How do you know they're not trying to tag team you? Yes, I've been approached on a dating site for that and other weird things I don't want to remember... <shudders>

Which grown adult takes a friend on a date? That's high-school crap! Again, this is why I thought I'd be single for the rest of my life 😆... I am don't like most people and am suspicious and cynical about **** like that.

Which app did you meet that dipshit on?


----------



## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> You're a catch. Your ex is a fool and your SO is not and is benefitting from the fool's folly.
> 
> I love your story!😂


Aww, thank you 😊 

My SO knows I'm a catch and is happy to have me as I'm happy to have him.

My best running gf says people in the running community look at ex weird now because I made him better and now he's just a pathetic weirdo. Part of me actually feels a little bad for him because I know he's damaged and needs help that he won't get.

I should bump my story up just in case it can help people.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> Ninja move. Impressive, most impressive.😋


I am really good at subtlety. Under the radar works well for me 😉


----------



## Lila

AVR1962 said:


> I decided to contact him, told the guy I had the date with that I understood his situation and that I saw him as unavailable, that I would not want to cause him confusion by seeing him and I would not want to cause his girlfriend is hard feelings. I asked him if his friend was available. He responded, "WOW! He is in a situation that I will let him explain. I will pass your number on." I then wish him the best in his situation. He replied with, "Please delete my number."
> 
> So it is okay to to chat up women for dates without disclosing upfront that he is in a relationship BUT let's flip this and watch what happens. You think for a moment, if this man, thought I was seeing another man that he would also not feel duped? He got what he deserved and I did not do this to be malicious. I am just sick of the cheaters and it is time to be real!!!!!


Dayam! That's girl power right there. High five! 

Yeah, it's funny how they can dish it out but can't take it themselves 🙄. Entitlement 101. 

The only time I've had someone tell me "delete my number" my response was "Never saved it. You're not that important". Blocked.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Dayam! That's girl power right there. High five!
> 
> Yeah, it's funny how they can dish it out but can't take it themselves 🙄. Entitlement 101.
> 
> The only time I've had someone tell me "delete my number" my response was "Never saved it. You're not that important". Blocked.


That's exactly why I find it so funny! We have an old Trini saying, "Do so doh like so"

I'm more in the school of "Who dis?"


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> That's exactly why I find it so funny! We have an old Trini saying, "Do so doh like so"
> 
> I'm more in the school of "Who dis?"


I'm going to remember that one. 😂

There's a guy I follow on Instagram who has the best comebacks. I can't remember his name but it always ends with "stay toxic". 😂😂. Thankfully, I didn't come across too many assholes in my online dating time. Many, many weirdos but few assholes.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I'm going to remember that one. 😂
> 
> There's a guy I follow on Instagram who has the best comebacks. I can't remember his name but it always ends with "stay toxic". 😂😂. Thankfully, I didn't come across too many assholes in my online dating time. Many, many weirdos but few assholes.


It's short, sweet and simple but conveys the entire message. Most men I met were decent, and I treated them accordingly, but I was merciless to the assholes because they asked for it. I can't stand rudeness! _quivers lips Hannibal Lecter style_


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> Dayam! That's girl power right there. High five!
> 
> Yeah, it's funny how they can dish it out but can't take it themselves 🙄. Entitlement 101.
> 
> The only time I've had someone tell me "delete my number" my response was "Never saved it. You're not that important". Blocked.


Nice!

Years ago I had a date with a guy and we went bowling. He proceeded to get drunk and make out with someone else.

I quietly packed up my stuff and left. A few months later he called and tried to mumble half assed apologies.....miss trash probably hadn't worked out. LOL.

I told him that no apology was necessary because he wasn't that important.

Never heard from him again.


----------



## Works

How about this one: 

Him: What are you drinking? 

Me: Washington Apple... 

Him: I'd buy you one, but I haven't gotten paid from my job yet. 

Me: That's cool, I've been paying for my own all night. 

Him: Can I get your number?

Me: I don't give out my number. 

Him: It's cause I'm b______ isn't it? 

Me: What does that have to do with you being a moron? If I tell you I'm not giving you my number, it means I'm NOT giving you my number. 🙄


----------



## Faithful Wife

Wow you guys have some crazy bad date stories!! I think I only had 2 "bad" dates, and they were bad because of the guy being too forward and pushy about sex.

But I had a lot of dudes eliminate themselves from the possibility of a first date before it even happened by saying or doing weird things on the app messages. At this point it is hard to remember them, it's been awhile since I've been on the apps. But it was always stuff like saying something idiotic, misogynistic, or just revealing themselves to be a complete dumbass.

I feel lucky that most of my dates were good, just that not everyone will have chemistry so most don't turn into a 2nd date. At this point I'm just too lazy to get back on the apps or even try. I'm having so much fun with my family and friends and my sweet little bird.  But I'm gonna always stalk all you singles on here and see what your dating adventures are!


----------



## Faithful Wife

Works said:


> How about this one:
> 
> Him: What are you drinking?
> 
> Me: Washington Apple...
> 
> Him: I'd buy you one, but I haven't gotten paid from my job yet.
> 
> Me: That's cool, I've been paying for my own all night.
> 
> Him: Can I get your number?
> 
> Me: I don't give out my number.
> 
> Him: It's cause I'm b______ isn't it?
> 
> Me: What does that have to do with you being a moron? If I tell you I'm not giving you my number, it means I'm NOT giving you my number. 🙄


YIKES. 

I think I would feel unsafe after that. Did you make sure the bartender was paying attention in case the dude got extra weird?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Works said:


> How about this one:
> 
> Him: What are you drinking?
> 
> Me: Washington Apple...
> 
> Him: I'd buy you one, but I haven't gotten paid from my job yet.
> 
> Me: That's cool, I've been paying for my own all night.
> 
> Him: Can I get your number?
> 
> Me: I don't give out my number.
> 
> Him: It's cause I'm b______ isn't it?
> 
> Me: What does that have to do with you being a moron? If I tell you I'm not giving you my number, it means I'm NOT giving you my number. 🙄


As if a broke white guy would be just fine.
LOL


----------



## Works

lifeistooshort said:


> As if a broke white guy would be just fine.
> LOL


I almost spit my water out... 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## lifeistooshort

Faithful Wife said:


> Wow you guys have some crazy bad date stories!! I think I only had 2 "bad" dates, and they were bad because of the guy being too forward and pushy about sex.
> 
> But I had a lot of dudes eliminate themselves from the possibility of a first date before it even happened by saying or doing weird things on the app messages. At this point it is hard to remember them, it's been awhile since I've been on the apps. But it was always stuff like saying something idiotic, misogynistic, or just revealing themselves to be a complete dumbass.
> 
> I feel lucky that most of my dates were good, just that not everyone will have chemistry so most don't turn into a 2nd date. At this point I'm just too lazy to get back on the apps or even try. I'm having so much fun with my family and friends and my sweet little bird.  But I'm gonna always stalk all you singles on here and see what your dating adventures are!


Birds are awesome! I bird sit my sons cockatiel while he's at school or work and she's awesome! 

Both her and my 3 cats like my bf so that's a good sign. Pets know things.


----------



## Works

Faithful Wife said:


> YIKES.
> 
> I think I would feel unsafe after that. Did you make sure the bartender was paying attention in case the dude got extra weird?


🫣🫣 

This was over 10 years ago... The place I was at knew me, I always sat alone minding my own.. eventually I moved away from him and his cousin who had just gotten out of jail for grand theft. Looking back, I laugh... I always have held my own.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> Wow you guys have some crazy bad date stories!! I think I only had 2 "bad" dates, and they were bad because of the guy being too forward and pushy about sex.
> 
> But I had a lot of dudes eliminate themselves from the possibility of a first date before it even happened by saying or doing weird things on the app messages. At this point it is hard to remember them, it's been awhile since I've been on the apps. But it was always stuff like saying something idiotic, misogynistic, or just revealing themselves to be a complete dumbass.
> 
> I feel lucky that most of my dates were good, just that not everyone will have chemistry so most don't turn into a 2nd date. At this point I'm just too lazy to get back on the apps or even try. I'm having so much fun with my family and friends and my sweet little bird.  But I'm gonna always stalk all you singles on here and see what your dating adventures are!


Oh, the few stories I have were from dudes who eliminated themselves on the dating app. 99% were eliminated off the bat due to zero effort to write a profile, the fact they obviously didn't read mine or had a bunch of thirst trap pics, no exceptions! I eyeballed the hot ones up, down and sideways then swiped NEXT.

I had clear filters set for things I didn't like/wanted to deal with (marriage, having kids, kids under 16, smoking, weed, heavy drinking, incompatible religions). After talking to some of the guys I matched with, I realized too many of them selected one thing, but then said another in conversation...no bueno... buh bye! I already don't like most people and simply didn't have the time or patience to deal with ********. I don't like games and don't play games.

In about a 3 month period I got over 1000 likes and way too many messages to keep up with that ranged from mild to downright disgusting. After trying to respond and indicate interest/no and getting a few assholish reactions, I decided it was a huge waste of time, so went invisible. Then systemically searched out dudes that interested me according to my filters, liked their profiles, and waited to see who matched and nibbled.

I really don't know how some of you folks deal with all the timewasters and game players. You'd think people at our life stage wouldn't have the time or inclination to screw around.


----------



## AVR1962

TXTrini said:


> I hope he doesn't. How do you know they're not trying to tag team you? Yes, I've been approached on a dating site for that and other weird things I don't want to remember... <shudders>
> 
> Which grown adult takes a friend on a date? That's high-school crap! Again, this is why I thought I'd be single for the rest of my life 😆... I am don't like most people and am suspicious and cynical about **** like that.
> 
> Which app did you meet that dipshit on?


Match


----------



## AVR1962

TXTrini said:


> Oh, the few stories I have were from dudes who eliminated themselves on the dating app. 99% were eliminated off the bat due to zero effort to write a profile, the fact they obviously didn't read mine or had a bunch of thirst trap pics, no exceptions! I eyeballed the hot ones up, down and sideways then swiped NEXT.
> 
> I had clear filters set for things I didn't like/wanted to deal with (marriage, having kids, kids under 16, smoking, weed, heavy drinking, incompatible religions). After talking to some of the guys I matched with, I realized too many of them selected one thing, but then said another in conversation...no bueno... buh bye! I already don't like most people and simply didn't have the time or patience to deal with ******. I don't like games and don't play games.
> 
> In about a 3 month period I got over 1000 likes and way too many messages to keep up with that ranged from mild to downright disgusting. After trying to respond and indicate interest/no and getting a few assholish reactions, I decided it was a huge waste of time, so went invisible. Then systemically searched out dudes that interested me according to my filters, liked their profiles, and waited to see who matched and nibbled.
> 
> I really don't know how some of you folks deal with all the timewasters and game players. You'd think people at our life stage wouldn't have the time or inclination to screw around.


Pretty much had the same experiences as yourself. My girlfriends tell me I need to keep track of all of these adventures and write a book.


----------



## TXTrini

AVR1962 said:


> Match


Damn, that's supposed to be reputable! What's the good one these days?



AVR1962 said:


> Pretty much had the same experiences as yourself. My girlfriends tell me I need to keep track of all of these adventures and write a book.


I'll never understand why people think ****ty behavior is acceptable. Whatever happened to having a personal code of conduct?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Damn, that's supposed to be reputable! What's the good one these days?


Since when was match ever good? That along with Tinder now are all scams.

Hinge / Coffee Meets Bagel / Bumble were the ones I used this year and were great I found. They are all swipe apps though. My only real complaint was with Bumble and its lack of race filter, but I got around it sometimes by searching by ethnic language even if I don't speak it lol.



> I'll never understand why people think ****ty behavior is acceptable. *Whatever happened to having a personal code of conduct?*


Hahahahaha


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Since when was match ever good? That along with Tinder now are all scams.
> 
> Hinge / Coffee Meets Bagel / Bumble were the ones I used this year and were great I found. They are all swipe apps though. My only real complaint was with Bumble and its lack of race filter, but I got around it sometimes by searching by ethnic language even if I don't speak it lol.
> 
> 
> Hahahahaha


I didn't like Bumble, I prefer a man to make first contact. Theoretically, the aim was to weed out the lazy, apathetic ones 😂.

Laugh it up, but I found a dude who shares that ideal (on Match!). Funnily enough, I realized he was a keeper when he did something simply on principle (his code) because not acting could possibly negatively affect a faceless stranger.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I didn't like Bumble, I prefer a man to make first contact. Theoretically, the aim was to weed out the lazy, apathetic ones 😂.


Yet there are so many women on it!!! I still remember back in my young adulthood when you pick up at clubs and bars, you always go to the hotspots 😅


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Yet there are so many women on it!!! I still remember back in my young adulthood when you pick up at clubs and bars, you always go to the hotspots 😅


Ha! I didn't do that when I was younger, it was introduction through friends and family only. Too many weirdos hang out in bars and clubs 😂


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Ha! I didn't do that when I was younger, it was introduction through friends and family only. Too many weirdos hang out in bars and clubs 😂


Lol yeah I hated the scene but it was either that or crashing house parties 😅

The 'good o' days' without the internet everywhere.


----------



## Hiner112

I met my GF on Match. One of the bonuses for that one is that the filtering _was_ better and you could actually see the other person's preferences. I could see if they preferred someone that wasn't me. It was also good because almost everyone was paying for it so I think the people on there were more serious.

It was kind of funny that someone earlier was talking about how overwhelmed with the number of messages and likes they got on the app they were using. I think I averaged about 1 a month.  I think that's one of the appeals of Bumble. Since women have to make the first move, they won't be bombarded by people that they aren't interested in.


----------



## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> Both her and my 3 cats…


I didn’t have you pegged as a cat person.


----------



## Works

Whatever happened to eHarmony? Is that still around?


----------



## lifeistooshort

ccpowerslave said:


> I didn’t have you pegged as a cat person.


I love cats, although in my defense I only planned for 2. I had 1 and went to the shelter where I found two kitten brothers from the same litter laying on top of each other.

I couldn't break them up.

My sister has 6


----------



## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> I love cats, although in my defense I only planned for 2. I had 1 and went to the shelter where I found two kitten brothers from the same litter laying on top of each other.
> 
> I couldn't break them up.
> 
> My sister has 6


Wow! 3 is a lot, 6 is getting to crazy cat lady territory.


----------



## Not

Welp, I've opted to go for a FWB situation. Was talking to two men and have decided option 2 is for me, for right now. Those that want a relationship are either to far away or have young kids so no time. Young kids are a no go for me anyway. Those that want casual are either pervs or just have too much going on in their lives. The common denominator is time and I do love my me time. 

We've talked this over and are in agreement. No strings. Just as much sex as we can manage time wise with needs being met on both sides and we're both happy with that plan. It's actually hard to find someone who fits for something like this! Sexual matches don't happen often.

If I start to get the feels I end it and same with him.


----------



## Laurentium

Not said:


> If I start to get the feels I end it and same with him.


That seems like a shame, to me. I guess I'm an incurable romantic.


----------



## AVR1962

TXTrini said:


> Damn, that's supposed to be reputable! What's the good one these days?
> 
> 
> I'll never understand why people think ****ty behavior is acceptable. Whatever happened to having a personal code of conduct?


Thinking the same myself!!!!


----------



## AVR1962

Not said:


> Welp, I've opted to go for a FWB situation. Was talking to two men and have decided option 2 is for me, for right now. Those that want a relationship are either to far away or have young kids so no time. Young kids are a no go for me anyway. Those that want casual are either pervs or just have too much going on in their lives. The common denominator is time and I do love my me time.
> 
> We've talked this over and are in agreement. No strings. Just as much sex as we can manage time wise with needs being met on both sides and we're both happy with that plan. It's actually hard to find someone who fits for something like this! Sexual matches don't happen often.
> 
> If I start to get the feels I end it and same with him.


How long have you been in FWB relationship? Was agreed in the start by both of you that this is what it is? Are you okay if he dates others and will you be doing the same?

I was involved with a man for over 3 years, we started as friends but my feelings developed into wanting more than a friendship. When I asked him about his feelings he assured me he was sincere, etc. Bottom line I found out he was seeing other women and wanted to continue to do so. I was the one that was emotionally attached so it really hurt for it all to come to an end.


----------



## Not

Laurentium said:


> That seems like a shame, to me. I guess I'm an incurable romantic.


I get that. The feels though don't work for certain times in ones life and this is one of those times. Relationships require a lot of effort and I've turned down every man I've gone out with over the last year because I get to "thinking about it" and begin to cringe at the thought of the work I'll have to put in.


----------



## Not

AVR1962 said:


> How long have you been in FWB relationship? Was agreed in the start by both of you that this is what it is? Are you okay if he dates others and will you be doing the same?
> 
> I was involved with a man for over 3 years, we started as friends but my feelings developed into wanting more than a friendship. When I asked him about his feelings he assured me he was sincere, etc. Bottom line I found out he was seeing other women and wanted to continue to do so. I was the one that was emotionally attached so it really hurt for it all to come to an end.


No strings is agreed too. No if's, and's or but's. I have no interest in finding myself in a situation where there are any gray areas. This situation is going to have to be all black and white. As for being with others, that is not an option. I've already stated my boundary with that. If either of us meets someone else we end it.


----------



## TXTrini

Works said:


> Whatever happened to eHarmony? Is that still around?


Thats the first one I tried. It's expensive and only matched me with men I found unattractive, which was quite a letdown after the long stupid questionnaire. 

Not to mention, most of the matches lived over 100 miles away, some were out of state. I'm not interested in doing long distance ever again.


----------



## ConanHub

@Works ......

I guess I shouldn't be surprised about the broke guy but talk about negative game....


----------



## ConanHub

You know there has to be women so low and desperate that those weirdos actually think their limp noodle approach actually works???😳😵‍💫


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> You know there has to be women so low and desperate that those weirdos actually think their limp noodle approach actually works???😳😵‍💫


That's exactly what I think every time I see ignorant **** spew from some of the red/black pillers on HERE. 😆 🤣 😂 

Some of them are single and dating after all. I wonder if they're honest and upfront about who they are, or lie through their teeth to score or lie in wait until their woman's too emotionally invested and loathe to start over 🤔


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> That's exactly what I think every time I see ignorant **** spew from some of the red/black pillers on HERE. 😆 🤣 😂
> 
> Some of them are single and dating after all. I wonder if they're honest and upfront about who they are, or lie through their teeth to score or lie in wait until their woman's too emotionally invested and loathe to start over 🤔


I call out cap when I see it but I also try to think the best of intentions of folks. I think there's a lot of people just lost and floundering for a good foundation.

The ex con who asked what she was drinking and said he'd buy her one but he was broke????

That's straight up ghetto garbage/trailer trash nasty.😵‍💫


----------



## Works

ConanHub said:


> @Works ......
> 
> I guess I shouldn't be surprised about the broke guy but talk about negative game....
> 
> View attachment 93877


As I sat alone I heard them talking behind me.. The cousin said to him, you need to go talk to her. She's paying for her own drinks AND she has an iPhone. I thought to myself, oh lord... here we go with these idiots... Soon after that I met my now exH at the same place... It was me that walked upto him and asked him to dance. I even stopped talking to a guy who texted me after 8pm, NOT call, asking what I was doing?! Mofo!!! If you don't have the decency to at least call me when the sun is still out, I don't need you either.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I call out cap when I see it but I also try to think the best of intentions of folks. I think there's a lot of people just lost and floundering for a good foundation.
> 
> The ex con who asked what she was drinking and said he'd buy her one but he was broke????
> 
> That's straight up ghetto garbage/trailer trash nasty.😵‍💫


While that's good, I don't think it does anything but make them try to be more stealthy about it. When I was talking to men, I listened and let them talk. Those sorts don't take long before they out themselves, especially if they think you're entertaining it.

It's incredibly uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that. Strange men are already potentially unsafe, much less an ex con. You gotta gently remove your hand from the lion's mouth so to speak or risk escalation.


----------



## Works

ConanHub said:


> I call out cap when I see it but I also try to think the best of intentions of folks. I think there's a lot of people just lost and floundering for a good foundation.
> 
> The ex con who asked what she was drinking and said he'd buy her one but he was broke????
> 
> That's straight up ghetto garbage/trailer trash nasty.😵‍💫


Hahaha! That was the cousin, I even asked him if he learned his lesson. He said nope, I'll probably do it again. Oh ok.. Yes, so where do I write my number for your cousin?? Oh pleaseeee... let me find the silk napkin... It's ok he is broke, I have a job, he can tell me what he wants and I'll buy it. 🙄🙄

Could you imagine the girls, not women, GIRLS... that possibly experience that and STILL stick around? No siree... NOT I said myself... I have standards...


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Welp, I've opted to go for a FWB situation. Was talking to two men and have decided option 2 is for me, for right now. Those that want a relationship are either to far away or have young kids so no time. Young kids are a no go for me anyway. Those that want casual are either pervs or just have too much going on in their lives. The common denominator is time and I do love my me time.
> 
> We've talked this over and are in agreement. No strings. Just as much sex as we can manage time wise with needs being met on both sides and we're both happy with that plan. It's actually hard to find someone who fits for something like this! Sexual matches don't happen often.
> 
> If I start to get the feels I end it and same with him.


Yes, finding a FWB is just liking finding a match, stars still need to align. This was my annoyance with dating too because even the fbuddy I found we were too much in disagreement to even be FWBs as she did not want exclusivity and for me that's the type of longer term FWBs I go for.

I dropped my standards because I was horny I guess.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm curious now, since you guys pack heat... have you ever discussed it on your date? "I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" 😅 

I'll admit, if she packs a .50 AE, she's a keeper!


----------



## Not

I don’t bring it up because where I live everybody is armed to the teeth and then I would be forced to sit there and have to listen to them list off everything they have at their house lol! Men love to brag about their guns 😂 It has given me the opportunity to fire a wide range of weapons, though. 

I have a small 9 mm that I bought for home protection. The way my home is set up with the garage sitting in front of my house someone could get in and no one in the neighborhood would see or hear anything. Well, at least until I fired my weapon. I bought it because it was just me and my two girls at the time with no protection.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I don’t bring it up because where I live everybody is armed to the teeth and then I would be forced to sit there and have to listen to them list off everything they have at their house lol! Men love to brag about their guns 😂 It has given me the opportunity to fire a wide range of weapons, though.
> 
> I have a small 9 mm that I bought for home protection. The way my home is set up with the garage sitting in front of my house someone could get in and no one in the neighborhood would see or hear anything. Well, at least until I fired my weapon. I bought it because it was just me and my two girls at the time with no protection.


Lol! This is so alien to me living in a disarmed nanny state 😅


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Lol! This is so alien to me living in a disarmed nanny state 😅


We are all ready for World War III over here lol! Ex BF even has a cannon. 😂

I do enjoy going to the range for practice and I can see how it would be tempting to get into the competitive side of the sport. That is one expensive hobby, though, so not for me!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> We are all ready for World War III over here lol! Ex BF even has a cannon. 😂
> 
> I do enjoy going to the range for practice and I can see how it would be tempting to get into the competitive side of the sport. That is one expensive hobby, though, so not for me!


Looks like if I was an American that would likely be where I'll be meeting women organically then lol










😊 she can use all the ammo she wants haha


----------



## Lila

Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time? 

For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


----------



## Not

One at a time and I’m not sure how to answer the last question because I have not come across anyone that I have any interest in becoming attached too. So I guess my answer would be that if and when I find someone who I think is worth it, then I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself from getting attached?

I have never thought about it in terms of intentionally trying to stop myself.


----------



## Hiner112

Lila said:


> Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time?
> 
> For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


I date one person at a time. I have neither the time nor the attention to date more than one person at a time. Not that it has ever come up or would likely ever do so since I've had years between relationships.

I'm not sure what you mean by getting attached too quickly. I go on a date. If we want to go on another date, we do. Repeat until one of us decides that we wouldn't work out. You don't _have_ to go on frequent dates nor do you need to "progress" faster just because you have gone on more dates with one person.

If you're dating more than one person, how do you give anyone a fair chance?


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time?


Depends if I'm crushing on someone or not.

Offline crush? Would prefer singular, like I would want only her.
No crush? Multiple, as singular dating was inefficient and it was illogical to turn down opportunities when matches came regularly like I was dining at a sushi train.



> For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


Errr... <mind blown> 🤯 🤷‍♂️
It's kinda nice to be crushing on someone.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time?
> 
> For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


Whatever you do, do not deny the woman you are.

Never adopt a strategy that isn't in line with who you are at your core.


----------



## joannacroc

Lila said:


> Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time?
> 
> For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


Hmm. Well, I do get attached to people I like. I am just not built for multi dating. I can sleep with someone I feel a connection to, but am not into guys sexually I don't feel an emotional or intellectual connection with, so if I find someone like that who also likes me, I want to take it bit by bit. Because I am a mom, it limits my availability and that helps to weed out super serious super quickly type connections. It also probably weeds out people who want to date more regularly. I think it is probably irrational but I would feel guilty if I went on a date with another guy while I'm seeing someone. If we aren't compatible and stop seeing each other, then I would be open to dating someone else, just not a buffet of dudes (no judgement if that is your jam, it's just not for me).


----------



## Lila

I should have prefaced my post in that the question was just a curiosity one for me. When I was single, I multi-dated (non-sexual casual dating) until exclusivity was established with one person. This is pretty common in my area but I do know some who date one person at a time. 

In reference to getting too attached... The people I know who date one person at a time seem to get emotionally attached quickly if they like the person that are getting to know. They go zero to 100 in a few dates. I was just curious if this is normal or something specific to them. I can't relate.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> I should have prefaced my post in that the question was just a curiosity one for me. When I was single, I multi-dated (non-sexual casual dating) until exclusivity was established with one person. This is pretty common in my area but I do know some who date one person at a time.
> 
> In reference to getting too attached... The people I know who date one person at a time seem to get emotionally attached quickly if they like the person that are getting to know. They go zero to 100 in a few dates. I was just curious if this is normal or something specific to them. I can't relate.


I actually wouldn't even date someone that I didn't want to go there with. If I was dating, I wouldn't even consider going out on a date unless I already really liked her and wanted to attain an emotional attachment.

I know everyone has their own preferences but that's how I'm wired.

Multi dating has always been beyond my capabilities.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> I actually wouldn't even date someone that I didn't want to go there with. If I was dating, I wouldn't even consider going out on a date unless I already really liked her and wanted to attain an emotional attachment.
> 
> I know everyone has their own preferences but that's how I'm wired.


It's definitely a different time. In addition to all of the other historical compatibility markers, now we have to be compatible with how we like to date. It's wild. 



> Multi dating has always been beyond my capabilities.


Now Conan, I'm going to call you out on this one. You may think like this now but you've mentioned quite a few times that you were the poster boy for multi dating back in the day. You had ladies at every port.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Now Conan, I'm going to call you out on this one. You may think like this now but you've mentioned quite a few times that you were the poster boy for multi dating back in the day. You had ladies at every port.


It was really one at a time. Now I'm not trying to gloss over my past. I did a real run through of a lot of ladies but I really didn't keep more than one plate spinning at a time. You may be right to an extent about my past though so I'm pausing for reflection.

I never engaged sexually with more than one at a time but I really might have been guilty of multi dating sans sex.

Hmmm. Maybe I did multi date back then come to think of it and I even took more than one woman out at the same time. Whoops!😳

I'll tell you what @Lila , as far as getting this barbarian to self reflect and getting better self awareness, you have definitely scored among the highest on this site.

Sigh, another self image shattered. LoL! Thanks a lot!


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> It was really one at a time. Now I'm not trying to gloss over my past. I did a real run through of a lot of ladies but I really didn't keep more than one plate spinning at a time. You may be right to an extent about my past though so I'm pausing for reflection.
> 
> I never engaged sexually with more than one at a time but I really might have been guilty of multi dating sans sex.
> 
> Hmmm. Maybe I did multi date back then come to think of it and I even took more than one woman out at the same time. Whoops!😳
> 
> I'll tell you what @Lila , as far as getting this barbarian to self reflect and getting better self awareness, you have definitely scored among the highest on this site.
> 
> Sigh, another self image shattered. LoL! Thanks a lot!


Sorry Conan. Lol. 

You're not alone. My BF says my "questioning" look has the ability to make him remember exactly what he said or did. The look is accompanied by "Really?? Do tell". 😂😂


----------



## Not

Gawd, what is it with me always zeroing in on controlling men?! I broke off the FWB before it could even get started lol! I did good and didn’t lose my **** on him though. 😃👍

I have bent over backwards for every man I have ever been with and not one of them has ever done the same for me and that includes this FWB I just dumped. Do they think that because I’m a woman it’ll have to be me to do all of the compromising? I don’t understand the freaking attitude. 

We were highly sexually compatible and each attracted to each other, and both ready to rumble but it was going to only happen according to his schedule and what he needed. WTF? Nope. We weren’t even looking for a relationship and he was trying to control how my life was going to go lol!

If this isn’t life telling me, once again, to just stay away from dating and men for now I don’t know what it means. I can’t even give sex away for free! 😂😂😂 I’m out!


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Gawd, what is it with me always zeroing in on controlling men?! I broke off the FWB before it could even get started lol! I did good and didn’t lose my **** on him though. 😃👍
> 
> I have bent over backwards for every man I have ever been with and not one of them has ever done the same for me and that includes this FWB I just dumped. Do they think that because I’m a woman it’ll have to be me to do all of the compromising? I don’t understand the freaking attitude.
> 
> We were highly sexually compatible and each attracted to each other, and both ready to rumble but it was going to only happen according to his schedule and what he needed. WTF? Nope. We weren’t even looking for a relationship and he was trying to control how my life was going to go lol!
> 
> If this isn’t life telling me, once again, to just stay away from dating and men for now I don’t know what it means. I can’t even give sex away for free! 😂😂😂 I’m out!


I'm going to say it. The bar for FWB is usually pretty low - physically attractive, sexually compatible, and not an a-hole. This guy couldn't even manage that???? This dude must be smoking hot (and popular with the ladies) for him to be so demanding. 

Multi-date (no sex) until you narrow down the applicants to those eligible for the FWB position. Remember, the key word in FWB is Friends. 

Go out. Have fun. Report back with all of the weird and funny stories (cause there will be lots and lots).


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> If this isn’t life telling me, once again, to just stay away from dating and men for now I don’t know what it means. I can’t even give sex away for free! 😂😂😂 I’m out!


Count me out, too. I'm just too tired to start up yet another conversation cycle  it's too much effort for an unknown outcome. When my sweetie told me he had to move (again) back in the spring, I knew that was my sign to just let it be.

@Lila question about whether we multi date or not, I thought "you forgot the third option, NOT dating at all".


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> I'm going to say it. The bar for FWB is usually pretty low - physically attractive, sexually compatible, and not an a-hole. This guy couldn't even manage that???? This dude must be smoking hot (and popular with the ladies) for him to be so demanding.


Interesting.  I never could figure out a good FWB situation, so to me it seemed even more complicated than having a dating relationship. The bar ended up being too high for FWB for me because they had to be hot but also not interesting enough for me to catch feelings for. I did look but couldn't find any hot dummies to tumble with.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> @Lila question about whether we multi date or not, I thought "you forgot the third option, NOT dating at all".


Not dating is an option and for some, a very good one. I have a friend who is a catch (good looking, thin, accomplished, smart, refined.... She's my girl crush). She hasn't dated in over 4 years but she's happy. Men ask her out all of the time but she's not interested. She says she's content never to date again. 🤷‍♀️




Faithful Wife said:


> Interesting.  I never could figure out a good FWB situation, so to me it seemed even more complicated than having a dating relationship. The bar ended up being too high for FWB for me because they had to be hot but also not interesting enough for me to catch feelings for. I did look but couldn't find any hot dummies to tumble with.


I tend to think FWB usually start as potential relationships where the sex is incredible but, due to one or more non-sexual incompatibility (not necessarily a deal breaker), don't work out as relationships. 

You can always check out those politically conservatives guys {ducks and runs} 😂


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> I'm going to say it. The bar for FWB is usually pretty low - physically attractive, sexually compatible, and not an a-hole. This guy couldn't even manage that???? This dude must be smoking hot (and popular with the ladies) for him to be so demanding.
> 
> Multi-date (no sex) until you narrow down the applicants to those eligible for the FWB position. Remember, the key word in FWB is Friends.
> 
> Go out. Have fun. Report back with all of the weird and funny stories (cause there will be lots and lots).


Too pissed off right now lol!

He was decent looking. Better than most men my age but a definite bad boy and bad boys do tend to think highly of themselves but he was also chasing me to begin with. I’m thinking my figurative smack down caught him off guard lol! Basically told him he couldn’t keep up with me. 😁😂


----------



## Faithful Wife

Oh @Lila  It sounds like a good idea on the surface…but I can’t be mentally repulsed and still get a girl boner.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> You can always check out those politically conservatives guys {ducks and runs} 😂


Ever seriously think about possibly dating a man that might not roll with your exact values?

could be the “men” you come across (and I’ll use the term men loosely) may not be your cup of tea. You might not be attracted to man-buns and soy face. 

it’s funny, that is how my ex wife was. Crazy leftist. Never in a million years would she date a “man” like her father or brother. She’s not attracted to that type. I was the complete opposite.


----------



## ccpowerslave

I accidentally took my wife on a date past Revolution Books in Berkeley during an Antifa march. Woman who laughs at it, good. Woman who views it as a shopping opportunity, RUN.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Ever seriously think about possibly dating a man that might not roll with your exact values?
> 
> could be the “men” you come across (and I’ll use the term men loosely) may not be your cup of tea. You might not be attracted to man-buns and soy face.
> 
> it’s funny, that is how my ex wife was. Crazy leftist. Never in a million years would she date a “man” like her father or brother. She’s not attracted to that type. I was the complete opposite.



That was a joke for @Faithful Wife who has strong political opinions. 

I'm not political and have never dated far left or far right before Pogo. He's a conservative and it's one of the reasons why he and I have been on and off for years. I made it clear to him that if he wants to be with me, he has to not be disrespectful of my beliefs (I don't disrespect his). I do not want to discuss/debate politics. It's taken a while to make him understand but I think he finally gets it. 

We have a great relationship when he's not trying to push his political beliefs on me.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Interesting.  I never could figure out a good FWB situation, so to me it seemed even more complicated than having a dating relationship. The bar ended up being too high for FWB for me because they had to be hot but also not interesting enough for me to catch feelings for. I did look but couldn't find any hot dummies to tumble with.


The situation with this guy was so ridiculously complicated! He basically has our options for meeting reduced to 5 AM before we go to work or to 10 PM after his mom is asleep lol! She’s up visiting from out of state to help out with his dad who’s pretty sick and staying at his house.

Also, weekends are a no go so he can do his thing. Yeah no.

The guy has no business trying to set up this kind of situation with the time restraints he has. 5 AM? 🤦‍♀️


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Ever seriously think about possibly dating a man that might not roll with your exact values?
> 
> could be the “men” you come across (and I’ll use the term men loosely) may not be your cup of tea. You might not be attracted to man-buns and soy face.
> 
> it’s funny, that is how my ex wife was. Crazy leftist. Never in a million years would she date a “man” like her father or brother. She’s not attracted to that type. I was the complete opposite.


Answer to the top question, no.

As for the rest, no idea why anyone would assume anything about the physical appearance of someone who doesn’t share their values? You made some kind of assumption about “soy boy and man buns”? First off if a guy has nice long hair I’m good with that. I love hair period.

I would never say that if a guy is conservative he must be unattractive or must be “fill in stereotype”. No reason such a man wouldn’t be attractive, that just doesn’t even make sense.

It wouldn’t be their looks that turn me off.

And out here in liberal Heaven where I live, I’ve dated and had relationships with many gorgeous lefties. Tall dark handsome nice bodies good jobs good housing good cars good hearts.

If I were to say something like “no I couldn’t date a conservative because they all look like Mitch McConnell” wouldn’t that seem weird? Because it’s just silly.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Answer to the top question, no.
> 
> As for the rest, no idea why anyone would assume anything about the physical appearance of someone who doesn’t share their values? You made some kind of assumption about “soy boy and man buns”? First off if a guy has nice long hair I’m good with that. I love hair period.
> 
> I would never say that if a guy is conservative he must be unattractive or must be “fill in stereotype”. No reason such a man wouldn’t be attractive, that just doesn’t even make sense.
> 
> It wouldn’t be their looks that turn me off.
> 
> And out here in liberal Heaven where I live, I’ve dated and had relationships with many gorgeous lefties. Tall dark handsome nice bodies good jobs good housing good cars good hearts.
> 
> If I were to say something like “no I couldn’t date a conservative because they all look like Mitch McConnell” wouldn’t that seem weird? Because it’s just silly.


I get you completely. 

I would totally get with a gal like yourself. Why? 

Boobs. 


That's all. 


I don't care about any of the other values you've brought up. You still have the greatest post ever!


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> I get you completely.
> 
> I would totally get with a gal like yourself. Why?
> 
> Boobs.
> 
> 
> That's all.
> 
> 
> I don't care about any of the other values you've brought up. You still have the greatest post ever!


Boobs alone are a perfect reason to want to date someone


----------



## Faithful Wife

This is a general question and I’m honestly not trying to start a culture war  but why do you (anyone) think the conservative dating app flopped and has only men on it? Apparently they are having to beg women to sign up.

This is a genuine question because I thought that there would be conservative women who also want to date conservative signing up as well. Isn’t there an even distribution pretty much?

I guess it could be that most conservative women are already married, but it doesn’t add up to there being zero women on the app. And wouldn’t most conservative men also already be married if that was the skew?

The app was called The Right Stuff and I honestly thought it was a good idea and would be successful. You can read up about it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> This is a general question and I’m honestly not trying to start a culture war  but why do you (anyone) think the conservative dating app flopped and has only men on it? Apparently they are having to beg women to sign up.
> 
> This is a genuine question because I thought that there would be conservative women who also want to date conservative signing up as well. Isn’t there an even distribution pretty much?
> 
> I guess it could be that most conservative women are already married, but it doesn’t add up to there being zero women on the app. And wouldn’t most conservative men also already be married if that was the skew?
> 
> The app was called The Right Stuff and I honestly thought it was a good idea and would be successful. You can read up about it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.


Oh! That flopped because the vast majority of women are not conservative. I could told those people never do something like that. It made no sense. Sure, finding conservative women would be AWESOME, but it isn't realistic. I just assume that 90% of women I would run into are liberals. Totally cool with me....... as long as they aren't leftists. Don't have time for that noise




Well........



A great rack can go a long way........


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> This is a general question and I’m honestly not trying to start a culture war  but why do you (anyone) think the conservative dating app flopped and has only men on it? Apparently they are having to beg women to sign up.
> 
> This is a genuine question because I thought that there would be conservative women who also want to date conservative signing up as well. Isn’t there an even distribution pretty much?
> 
> I guess it could be that most conservative women are already married, but it doesn’t add up to there being zero women on the app. And wouldn’t most conservative men also already be married if that was the skew?
> 
> The app was called The Right Stuff and I honestly thought it was a good idea and would be successful. You can read up about it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.


I had never heard of it, so I looked it up. You have to have an invite to have your profile accepted. So I guess that means you have to know someone who’s already on the app and they send you an invite. Horrible idea.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Gawd, what is it with me always zeroing in on controlling men?! I broke off the FWB before it could even get started lol! I did good and didn’t lose my **** on him though. 😃👍
> 
> I have bent over backwards for every man I have ever been with and not one of them has ever done the same for me and that includes this FWB I just dumped. Do they think that because I’m a woman it’ll have to be me to do all of the compromising? I don’t understand the freaking attitude.
> 
> We were highly sexually compatible and each attracted to each other, and both ready to rumble but it was going to only happen according to his schedule and what he needed. WTF? Nope. We weren’t even looking for a relationship and he was trying to control how my life was going to go lol!
> 
> If this isn’t life telling me, once again, to just stay away from dating and men for now I don’t know what it means. I can’t even give sex away for free! 😂😂😂 I’m out!


Irritating isn't it? 😑

Looks like the frustration is spreading and more are joining in the CBF crowd 😅


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> I had never heard of it, so I looked it up. You have to have an invite to have your profile accepted. So I guess that means you have to know someone who’s already on the app and they send you an invite. Horrible idea.


Agree this is a horrible idea. But why do men on there invite each other and not women? And can an invite only come from a man for men and from a woman for women?

I kind of hope they take away the invite only feature and then see how it goes. I’m all for people being able to be selective about their values. Just like there are apps for Christians, for Jewish people, for sports fanatics, for cowboys/country folks, etc.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Question for the singles on the group.... Do you multi date or date one person at a time?
> 
> For those that date one at a time, how do you keep from getting attached too quickly?


When I dated, it was one at a time. How do people keep track anyways? It seems too confusing to keep details about people you date at once neatly filed away, not to mention the cooties!

Do you remember Linda Evangelista from the 90's? She didn't get out of bed for less than $10k/day? Well, I sure wasn't going to doll up, leave my house, and waste my precious time unless I was truly motivated.😂 No "meh men" for this gal!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Irritating isn't it? 😑
> 
> Looks like the frustration is spreading and more are joining in the CBF crowd 😅


Well, he turned out to be irritating for sure!

It kind of has me feeling like I want to hit a home run and be successful at this FWB thing though. This may turn into my new goal because the more I’ve thought about it while talking to him the past two weeks the more I realized I might actually be really happy with something like that.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Agree this is a horrible idea. But why do men on there invite each other and not women? And can an invite only come from a man for men and from a woman for women?
> 
> I kind of hope they take away the invite only feature and then see how it goes. I’m all for people being able to be selective about their values. Just like there are apps for Christians, for Jewish people, for sports fanatics, for cowboys/country folks, etc.


I agree. If they took the invite thing away, I would join just to check it out.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh! That flopped because the vast majority of women are not conservative. I could told those people never do something like that. It made no sense. Sure, finding conservative women would be AWESOME, but it isn't realistic. I just assume that 90% of women I would run into are liberals. Totally cool with me....... as long as they aren't leftists. Don't have time for that noise
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well........
> 
> 
> 
> A great rack can go a long way........


I have not looked up these stats to get exact numbers, but I think you are correct if including all women then women lean liberal. But if only looking at white women over age 30, didn’t they lean conservative in voting at least, which I assume also translates to their values and dating choices?

Maybe @lifeistooshort could help us on these stats.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> The situation with this guy was so ridiculously complicated! He basically has our options for meeting reduced to 5 AM before we go to work or to 10 PM after his mom is asleep lol! She’s up visiting from out of state to help out with his dad who’s pretty sick and staying at his house.
> 
> Also, weekends are a no go so he can do his thing. Yeah no.
> 
> The guy has no business trying to set up this kind of situation with the time restraints he has. 5 AM? 🤦‍♀️


Honestly, it sounds like you'd have been one of many. Take it or leave it. Yuck!


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> Well, he turned out to be irritating for sure!
> 
> It kind of has me feeling like I want to hit a home run and be successful at this FWB thing though. This may turn into my new goal because the more I’ve thought about it while talking to him the past two weeks the more I realized I might actually be really happy with something like that.


Right on sister, you got close so don’t give up just because one contender was a weirdo.

(this advice doesn’t apply to me because I already definitely decided to give it up for now…but that doesn’t mean I’m giving it up forever).


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Honestly, it sounds like you'd have been one of many. Take it or leave it. Yuck!


I don’t think he has time for any unless he’s got some really desperate chicks orbiting him.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I don’t think he has time for any unless he’s got some really desperate chicks orbiting him.


If he was good-looking, he probably did. Haven't you seen what most men in our dating group look like?? 😬


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> If he was good-looking, he probably did. Haven't you seen what most men in our dating group look like?? 😬


Yeah but only desperate chicks are gonna comply with a schedule that only benefits the guy so doesn’t matter what chicks he can pull, they have to be desperate to be in that game.

I think usually when it’s a guy who has so many parameters that most women won’t go for it, he’s usually just emotionally inept and unavailable and is making road blocks subconsciously because he can’t actually handle any kind of intimacy.


----------



## TXTrini

Faithful Wife said:


> Yeah but only desperate chicks are gonna comply with a schedule that only benefits the guy so doesn’t matter what chicks he can pull, they have to be desperate to be in that game.
> 
> I think usually when it’s a guy who has so many parameters that most women won’t go for it, he’s usually just emotionally inept and unavailable and is making road blocks subconsciously because he can’t actually handle any kind of intimacy.


Him wanting his weekends free was the red flag there though. To do what, exactly if sex is offered on tap?


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Right on sister, you got close so don’t give up just because one contender was a weirdo.
> 
> (this advice doesn’t apply to me because I already definitely decided to give it up for now…but that doesn’t mean I’m giving it up forever).


Agree. I am going to do me and whatever makes me happy, whatever that turns out to be.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Yeah but only desperate chicks are gonna comply with a schedule that only benefits the guy so doesn’t matter what chicks he can pull, they have to be desperate to be in that game.
> 
> I think usually when it’s a guy who has so many parameters that most women won’t go for it, he’s usually just emotionally inept and unavailable and is making road blocks subconsciously because he can’t actually handle any kind of intimacy.


I do think he has some issues. He was throwing a lot of mixed signals. Kept saying he didn’t want any strings, but then would send me a text asking how his baby is doing. Kept saying he was so glad that we met. He made a comment one day about how we don’t need to know each other’s personal histories, but then told me all about his dad and sent me pictures of him with his parents.
He was mostly very respectful, but with this whole timing issue, he came off as really wonky.


----------



## Faithful Wife

TXTrini said:


> Him wanting his weekends free was the red flag there though. To do what, exactly if sex is offered on tap?


Well guys like I’m describing always think they need to hold open spots for screwing around, but they are all bluff and bluster and don’t actually have a roster of women coming by to service them. They may behave as if that’s a possibility, but they sabotage themselves by being weird.

Guys who actually do already have a roster of women lined up don’t usually pursue women on dating apps like Not said this guy was chasing her. He probably doesn’t have any FWB’s. He was hoping to find one but he couldn’t do it without sabotaging himself.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Him wanting his weekends free was the red flag there though. To do what, exactly if sex is offered on tap?


He made that comment this morning and that is when I ended things. Said he wanted to save his weekends for his dad, some overtime and his buddies.

so he basically expected me to work around everything going on in his life.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I do think he has some issues. He was throwing a lot of mixed signals. Kept saying he didn’t want any strings, but then would send me a text asking how his baby is doing. Kept saying he was so glad that we met. He made a comment one day about how we don’t need to know each other’s personal histories, but then told me all about his dad and sent me pictures of him with his parents.
> He was mostly very respectful, but with this whole timing issue, he came off as really wonky.


Whoa! So many directions, he might as well be a bus terminal! 



Not said:


> He made that comment this morning and that is when I ended things. Said he wanted to save his weekends for his dad, some overtime and his buddies.
> 
> so he basically expected me to work around everything going on in his life.


The only people who do that are people who love you and are willing to please you. Not FWB. Sounds like he really wants a relationship but is afraid to commit to anything.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Whoa! So many directions, he might as well be a bus terminal!
> 
> 
> The only people who do that are people who love you and are willing to please you. Not FWB. Sounds like he really wants a relationship but is afraid to commit to anything.


That’s kind of the impression I was starting to get. I came on here last night and was going to ask your guys opinion on these things he was saying but changed my mind. I’m actually wondering if he’s going to reach out again.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> He made that comment this morning and that is when I ended things. Said he wanted to save his weekends for his dad, some overtime and his buddies.
> 
> so he basically expected me to work around everything going on in his life.


Men want to think of themselves as sexual beings. But a lot of them actually do everything they can to not be sexual because they can’t actually endure any type of intimacy. Even of the FWB type.

They want to be sexual but there is no way to do that without at least some tiny amount of vulnerability and intimacy, so when they get close to being sexual but vulnerability and intimacy start to spring up, they self sabotage.

This is only this certain type of man I’m talking about. I’ve unfortunately also dated one (more like trying to be FWB’s) and it was just a gigantic **** show simply because I had thought we were going to make time to bang each other’s brains out regularly, and he couldn’t handle doing it more often than once a month 😂

Later after we broke up he actually admitted all this to me. How he wants to be sexual but he couldn’t handle the closeness because he still wasn’t healed from his crap marriage.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Men want to think of themselves as sexual beings. But a lot of them actually do everything they can to not be sexual because they can’t actually endure any type of intimacy. Even of the FWB type.
> 
> They want to be sexual but there is no way to do that without at least some tiny amount of vulnerability and intimacy, so when they get close to being sexual but vulnerability and intimacy start to spring up, they self sabotage.
> 
> This is only this certain type of man I’m talking about. I’ve unfortunately also dated one (more like trying to be FWB’s) and it was just a gigantic **** show simply because I had thought we were going to make time to bang each other’s brains out regularly, and he couldn’t handle doing it more often than once a month 😂
> 
> Later after we broke up he actually admitted all this to me. How he wants to be sexual but he couldn’t handle the closeness because he still wasn’t healed from his crap marriage.


How in the hell do you know all this lol?! You are describing him pretty well, I think.

he would go on and on and on about everything he wanted to do to me, but I invited him over Sunday evening and he turned it down! he has an open invite to come over to my place any evening this week and he hasn’t come by.

so yeah, lots of issues apparently lol! and he’s still married. His divorce has been ongoing for 18 months so that situation with her is probably playing a huge role in this. He may have got his heart broken.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> I think usually when it’s a guy who has so many parameters that most women won’t go for it, he’s usually just emotionally inept and unavailable and is *making road blocks subconsciously* because he can’t actually handle any kind of intimacy.


Pretty much, I am definitely emotionally unavailable now and putting up road blocks. Actually forget the road block.

It's more like a DAM:









Keeps the sex drive river from flooding the brain valley.

Example: If she isn't a redhead with this much hair for me to get lost in...








... forget it!  

Unless a redhead does show up and rev my engine like ms work crush did earlier this year


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> That’s kind of the impression I was starting to get. I came on here last night and was going to ask your guys opinion on these things he was saying but changed my mind. I’m actually wondering if he’s going to reach out again.


Ok you know I’m a hard core beeyatch, and I’ve just described the ineptness of men like this….but honestly give it a week or so and if he did come back around even just to flirt or try to chase you a bit, give it a chance maybe.

Even the **** show guy I just described who couldn’t have sex more than once a month….gotta say that sex was worth it he was very sexy, had a gigantic dong, and was willing to do anything I said wanted or needed. It ended in a ball of flames but I don’t think of those parts now, I just think of the hot times we had.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> so yeah, lots of issues apparently lol! and* he’s still married*. His divorce has been ongoing for 18 months so that situation with her is probably playing a huge role in this. He may have got his heart broken.


 Oh dear


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> How in the hell do you know all this lol?! You are describing him pretty well, I think.
> 
> he would go on and on and on about everything he wanted to do to me, but I invited him over Sunday evening and he turned it down! he has an open invite to come over to my place any evening this week and he hasn’t come by.
> 
> so yeah, lots of issues apparently lol! and he’s still married. His divorce has been ongoing for 18 months so that situation with her is probably playing a huge role in this. He may have got his heart broken.


Men with broken hearts act weird. I guess women do too and we can’t really relate to a healed man trying to FWB with an unhealed woman. But I’m sure it’s the same-ish.


----------



## jlg07

ConanHub said:


> These days, people in their early thirties feel like kiddos to me.😉


Well my niece is 36, so.......
I think MINIMUM would be 50 for me (maybe 45), but that will never happen (very happily married!)


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Oh dear


Meh. Divorces take a long times sometimes .


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Pretty much, I am definitely emotionally unavailable now and putting up road blocks. Actually forget the road block.
> 
> It's more like a DAM:
> View attachment 94155
> 
> 
> Keeps the sex drive river from flooding the brain valley.
> 
> Example: If she isn't a redhead with this much hair for me to get lost in...
> View attachment 94154
> 
> ... forget it!
> 
> Unless a redhead does show up and rev my engine like ms work crush did earlier this year


I mean, I’m the same. If the right guy turned up in my life and we swept each other off our feets whether FWB or twoo wuv, I’d go for it! I’ve learned that this is so rare that I’m in no danger of it actually happening so why look for it or worry if it never comes. I gotta be good with just me, my family, my friends, my self.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> I agree. If they took the invite thing away, I would join just to check it out.


Can you check and see if there’s a way on the app to see if anyone you know is on there that could invite you? Like find your friends kind of thing? Just saying because it sounds like a total sausage fest and bountiful pickings for any woman on there.

Edited to add: it reminds me of a woman friend I had who was stuck in a sexless marriage (he turned out to be asexual) and she ended up checking out Ashley Madison just for the possibility of some kind of sexual outlet.

As you can imagine that site is 95% men, so she got to chat flirt and talk to an enormous amount of extremely successful and attractive men who were also sex deprived (mostly). I’m not condoning this I’m just remembering how she was describing a candy store full of FWB potential men and I imagine The Right Stuff might be similar!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> That’s kind of the impression I was starting to get. I came on here last night and was going to ask your guys opinion on these things he was saying but changed my mind. I’m actually wondering if he’s going to reach out again.


Well, do update if he does! He's probably afraid to look stupid now though.


Not said:


> How in the hell do you know all this lol?! You are describing him pretty well, I think.
> 
> he would go on and on and on about everything he wanted to do to me, but I invited him over Sunday evening and he turned it down! he has an open invite to come over to my place any evening this week and he hasn’t come by.
> 
> so yeah, lots of issues apparently lol! and he’s still married. His divorce has been ongoing for 18 months so that situation with her is probably playing a huge role in this. He may have got his heart broken.


If he's a sensitive man, I guarantee that's the case. My bf told me he didn't date for 5 years after his divorce, and only went out with the first chick (who was his first gf after D) because his friend sprung a blind date on him.

There's no shame in not being ready, maybe he wanted to be and thought he could handle it but discovered he couldn't cut it.


Faithful Wife said:


> Men with broken hearts act weird. I guess women do too and we can’t really relate to a healed man trying to FWB with an unhealed woman. But I’m sure it’s the same-ish.


I can definitely confirm this. I was still a mess when I met my bf, but I rarely like people and we hit it off so well I decided to take a chance. I was upfront and honest about my limitations and concerns, and so was he. We definitely took the emotional part super slow, but he's been super patient.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> This is a general question and I’m honestly not trying to start a culture war  but why do you (anyone) think the conservative dating app flopped and has only men on it? Apparently they are having to beg women to sign up


I honestly think The Right Stuff was done as a lark. 

I know plenty of conservative women who would have given it a shot but the app itself didn't pass the sniff test. It was so poorly thought through and the prompts seem more like something out of the Onion. The video advertising the app is over the top stereotypical. 

The way it was presented, this app is more appropriate for the Alt Right than conservatives in general. The two are not synonymous. I would venture to guess the percentage of Alt Right _single_ women is really low.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> I have not looked up these stats to get exact numbers, but I think you are correct if including all women then women lean liberal. But if only looking at white women over age 30, didn’t they lean conservative in voting at least, which I assume also translates to their values and dating choices?
> 
> Maybe @lifeistooshort could help us on these stats.


Don't really need to look at very specific stats. Last election showed who would win if only men voted and if only women voted. It was staggering to see. It would be no contest in both directions if only one gender voted. 

As for the "white women over 30", you are probably correct. I bet they would lean conservative. Lots of people find their conservativeness once they get a job and have to start paying taxes. That's just one thing I've noticed over my career and meet new fresh faces coming out of college. It's funny how their values start to change over time as they see the government keep stealing their money. Another thing they would lean? Marriage. The possibility of finding a single woman over 30 that is conservative would be a diamond in the rough for sure. It would have to be a widow, no question.

Anywho, that is why I would never knock out the possibility of dating a liberal woman - and when I say liberal, I mean a true liberal. A woman that falls in the realm of normalcy. Once they go left (like my exwife) they are lost to insanity. Mind you, I don't even consider myself "conservative". I'm much more in the middle and scrap the insane beliefs of both sides. 

Problem of course with my exwife was her perfect rack. 

Dammit! 

Thwarted by boobs again!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> I honestly think The Right Stuff was done as a lark.
> 
> I know plenty of conservative women who would have given it a shot but the app itself didn't pass the sniff test. It was so poorly thought through and the prompts seem more like something out of the Onion. The video advertising the app is over the top stereotypical.
> 
> The way it was presented, this app is more appropriate for the Alt Right than conservatives in general. The two are not synonymous. I would venture to guess the percentage of Alt Right _single_ women is really low.


I just don't see how this app could have ever worked. Best opportunity, in my opinion, of finding a conservative woman is in her early 20's. They are all married by the time they are the average age of TAMers.


----------



## SunCMars

Faithful Wife said:


> Just saying because it sounds like a *total sausage fest* and bountiful pickings for any woman on there.


I have no words for this!

And, that is saying something!

............................................................................

I do not know whether to burst out laughing or to shake the itching bugs out of my head.

I know, the world is large, and heavily populated.
With, sooo many opinions and life styles....

So (again), I reckon, it is better to be horny than to be a bland potato, ke'ah, not a sweet one!

Oops, I guess I did have something to say.


----------



## joannacroc

TXTrini said:


> Him wanting his weekends free was the red flag there though. To do what, exactly if sex is offered on tap?


Maybe he keeps his weekends free for orgies or fishing?


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok you know I’m a hard core beeyatch, and I’ve just described the ineptness of men like this….but honestly give it a week or so and if he did come back around even just to flirt or try to chase you a bit, give it a chance maybe.
> 
> Even the **** show guy I just described who couldn’t have sex more than once a month….gotta say that sex was worth it he was very sexy, had a gigantic dong, and was willing to do anything I said wanted or needed. It ended in a ball of flames but I don’t think of those parts now, I just think of the hot times we had.


I had a peek under the hood and that's what made me jump on this opportunity lol! No way though, not going to mess with the headache that seems to be his life right now and no mega dong is worth getting up that early for lol! Now, if he relents and eases up on all his rules I may reconsider.


----------



## leftfield

Not said:


> I had a peek under the hood and that's what made me jump on this opportunity lol! No way though, not going to mess with the headache that seems to be his life right now and no mega dong is worth getting up that early for lol! Now, if he relents and eases up on all his rules I may reconsider.


LOL. How many threads have we had on TAM where the woman are trying to stress the message that "size doesn't matter".


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> I honestly think The Right Stuff was done as a lark.
> 
> I know plenty of conservative women who would have given it a shot but the app itself didn't pass the sniff test. It was so poorly thought through and the prompts seem more like something out of the Onion. The video advertising the app is over the top stereotypical.
> 
> The way it was presented, this app is more appropriate for the Alt Right than conservatives in general. The two are not synonymous. I would venture to guess the percentage of Alt Right _single_ women is really low.


I saw the same things and got the same impression when I looked it up last night. I'm conservative with some liberal leanings and from what I saw it was def more for the far right.


----------



## Not

leftfield said:


> LOL. How many threads have we had on TAM where the woman are trying to stress the message that "size doesn't matter".


I never said that lol!


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> I never said that lol!


me neither


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> I honestly think The Right Stuff was done as a lark.
> 
> I know plenty of conservative women who would have given it a shot but the app itself didn't pass the sniff test. It was so poorly thought through and the prompts seem more like something out of the Onion. The video advertising the app is over the top stereotypical.
> 
> The way it was presented, this app is more appropriate for the Alt Right than conservatives in general. The two are not synonymous. I would venture to guess the percentage of Alt Right _single_ women is really low.


Lotta millions of dollars spent on a lark tho. I still think they should revamp it take away the invite only and try again. It could have been very successful!


----------



## leftfield

I'm glad that both of you are open and honest about that.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> I had a peek under the hood and that's what made me jump on this opportunity lol! No way though, not going to mess with the headache that seems to be his life right now and no mega dong is worth getting up that early for lol! Now, if he relents and eases up on all his rules I may reconsider.


He might do exactly that! But if not no loss. Onward and upward, chin up boobs out!


----------



## Faithful Wife

leftfield said:


> I'm glad that both of you are open and honest about that.


It used to be a joke around here that I would join every penis thread and cause havoc. I’m not active on here much anymore but those were the good old days


----------



## joannacroc

leftfield said:


> LOL. How many threads have we had on TAM where the woman are trying to stress the message that "size doesn't matter".


I used to sincerely believe that...until I started seeing current gentleman caller, who is nicely proportioned. It is not that it is anything that would determine whether I'd want to stay with someone or not, but it is a nice bonus, shall we say? It is a different sensation than someone with smaller equipment but I have had great sex with many sizes from smallish to average before this fellow.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> I just don't see how this app could have ever worked. Best opportunity, in my opinion, of finding a conservative woman is in her early 20's. They are all married by the time they are the average age of TAMers.


Cheaters, abusers, liars, and addicts come in liberal, conservative, and everything on between. Conservative women get divorced too. Some find themselves with young kids in tow (i.e. the single moms that so many men dread). 

Trust me, if you're in a red state, there are plenty of single conservative women to choose from. Way more than single conservative men (not to be confused with Alt Right). You don't believe me, then you need to find a church and attend one of their singles events.


----------



## 2&out

Just a side note about considering other options. I've spent all my life avoiding cops. Now I'm effing one "casually". Kind of risky if goes ugly south... LOL.

I swear I don't know why so many seem to struggle meeting people. Saw her at the gas station getting coffee a couple times as I do every morning. I said hi and she smiled at me couple times and third time scoped me up and down. So I asked her if she was looking for something with my mischievous eye/grin. Of course she said no. I said yea you are... and she blushed and laughed. Then I asked if she was married and she said no. So I said where do cops go to have a drink or party ? She said that's a secret but she could meet me tomorrow at xx place. Done. But my "needs to be xxx" to be considered are few except for mutual attraction.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Lila said:


> You don't believe me, then you need to find a church and attend one of their singles events.


Was going to say earlier, since I subscribe to various conservative media sites I get all kinds of spam and one of those is from some Christian dating site. I would guess the folks on there are more conservative both socially and politically.

Aside from state you could just switch towns. Even rural areas in CA are red and I suspect the women there also are less blue.


----------



## Faithful Wife

2&out said:


> Just a side note about considering other options. I've spent all my life avoiding cops. Now I'm effing one "casually". Kind of risky if goes ugly south... LOL.
> 
> I swear I don't know why so many seem to struggle meeting people. Saw her at the gas station getting coffee a couple times as I do every morning. I said hi and she smiled at me couple times and third time scoped me up and down. So I asked her if she was looking for something with my mischievous eye/grin. Of course she said no. I said yea you are... and she blushed and laughed. Then I asked if she was married and she said no. So I said where do cops go to have a drink or party ? She said that's a secret but she could meet me tomorrow at xx place. Done. But my "needs to be xxx" to be considered are few except for mutual attraction.


Cops are hot


----------



## jlg07

LATERILUS79 said:


> Problem of course with my exwife was her perfect rack.
> 
> Dammit!
> 
> Thwarted by boobs again!


Later, just in case you haven't noticed -- there are MILLIONS of pairs out there in the world!!!!
I'm SURE you could find a pair or three that would be as good if not better than your ex!


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> I saw the same things and got the same impression when I looked it up last night. I'm conservative with some liberal leanings and from what I saw it was def more for the far right.


The video was hilarious. I kind of got the feeling some 30 year old wannabe Alt Righter living in his mom's basement wrote the lines. The girls couldn't even say them without laughing.

Question: What are you looking for in a partner?

Someone who wants kids
Is an independent man
Has Alpha Male vibe
Loves his family
Wants to meet my family
Has strong faith
These are all great personality traits. Then it gets strange.

Question: why do you want to date a conservative?

They at least know how to treat me like a woman
They have better manners
I prefer men to be masculine
I like that they understand their role in the relationship as a man
Yeah, the 30 year old basement dweller couldn't help himself. None of those things have anything to do with politics but then it finishes with...

"What's the biggest red flag when it comes to dating?"

And all of the girls answer "a democrat", "can't be a democrat", and "no democrats". 🙄 If I didn't know it was created by the app developer, I would have thought this was a Davidson skit on SNL.

Edited Townsend to Davidson


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> And all of the girls answer "a democrat", "can't be a democrat", and "no democrats". 🙄 If I didn't know it was created by the app developer, I would have thought this was a Pete Townsend skit on SNL.


I think you meant Pete Davidson, but yes the promo vids were just....unbelievable! Like, how could this be real? But with all the money put into it, why couldn't they have hired teams who would know better than to make it look stupid before even starting? Do some market research? Just very strange overall. Great idea, completely ruined.


----------



## Faithful Wife

SunCMars said:


> I have no words for this!
> 
> And, that is saying something!


Just for you, my easily shocked friend.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Onward and upward, chin up boobs out!


Brilliant words. Awe-inspiring.

All women should follow your advice, Faithful Wife.


Lila said:


> Cheaters, abusers, liars, and addicts come in liberal, conservative, and everything on between. Conservative women get divorced too. Some find themselves with young kids in tow (i.e. the single moms that so many men dread).
> 
> Trust me, if you're in a red state, there are plenty of single conservative women to choose from. Way more than single conservative men (not to be confused with Alt Right). You don't believe me, then you need to find a church and attend one of their singles events.


All very good points that I hadn't thought of before. This sounds very reasonable. I would LOVE to be wrong in my thinking here. 

I am in a red state. I wouldn't have it any other way. However, I'm a city guy. I don't like big cities. I like the smaller mid-west cities.

But we all know that cities are still cities. In the most crazy blood red states, all of their leftists live in the cities.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> I think you meant Pete Davidson, but yes the promo vids were just....unbelievable! Like, how could this be real? But with all the money put into it, why couldn't they have hired teams who would know better than to make it look stupid before even starting? Do some market research? Just very strange overall. Great idea, completely ruined.


Omg yes, Pete Davidson although putting Townsend in that kind of skit would be hilarious 😂😂 

It's very strange indeed.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I honestly think The Right Stuff was done as a lark.
> 
> I know plenty of conservative women who would have given it a shot but the app itself didn't pass the sniff test. It was so poorly thought through and the prompts seem more like something out of the Onion. The video advertising the app is over the top stereotypical.
> 
> The way it was presented, this app is more appropriate for the Alt Right than conservatives in general. The two are not synonymous. I would venture to guess the percentage of Alt Right _single_ women is really low.


That's a cute name.
I'm a conservative-leaning Independent and would have tried that app. However, neither extreme appeals to me, I prefer someone who's more interested in critical thinking than blindly following a party.


LATERILUS79 said:


> Don't really need to look at very specific stats. Last election showed who would win if only men voted and if only women voted. It was staggering to see. It would be no contest in both directions if only one gender voted.
> 
> As for the "white women over 30", you are probably correct. I bet they would lean conservative. Lots of people find their conservativeness once they get a job and have to start paying taxes. That's just one thing I've noticed over my career and meet new fresh faces coming out of college. It's funny how their values start to change over time as they see the government keep stealing their money. Another thing they would lean? Marriage. The possibility of finding a single woman over 30 that is conservative would be a diamond in the rough for sure. It would have to be a widow, no question.
> 
> Anywho, that is why I would never knock out the possibility of dating a liberal woman - and when I say liberal, I mean a true liberal. A woman that falls in the realm of normalcy. Once they go left (like my exwife) they are lost to insanity. Mind you, I don't even consider myself "conservative". I'm much more in the middle and scrap the insane beliefs of both sides.
> 
> Problem of course with my exwife was her perfect rack.
> 
> Dammit!
> 
> Thwarted by boobs again!


Hmmm... is that why I got snapped up? 😆 I'd have loved to think it was for my sparkling personality, but that's not too accurate, is it? 🤣


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Brilliant words. Awe-inspiring.
> 
> All women should follow your advice, Faithful Wife.
> 
> All very good points that I hadn't thought of before. This sounds very reasonable. I would LOVE to be wrong in my thinking here.
> 
> I am in a red state. I wouldn't have it any other way. However, I'm a city guy. I don't like big cities. I like the smaller mid-west cities.
> 
> But we all know that cities are still cities. In the most crazy blood red states, all of their leftists live in the cities.


They have churches in cities. If you're a conservative looking for a conservative, that's where I would start my search.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> They have churches in cities. If you're a conservative looking for a conservative, that's where I would start my search.


Being conservative isn't a deal breaker for me. I just need someone that isn't crazy in either direction. Having more right leaning values is just a plus. There are multiple things that can easily leap-frog just being a conservative. Things that attract my attention a lot more.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> The video was hilarious. I kind of got the feeling some 30 year old wannabe Alt Righter living in his mom's basement wrote the lines. The girls couldn't even say them without laughing.
> 
> Question: What are you looking for in a partner?
> 
> Someone who wants kids
> Is an independent man
> Has Alpha Male vibe
> Loves his family
> Wants to meet my family
> Has strong faith
> These are all great personality traits. Then it gets strange.
> 
> Question: why do you want to date a conservative?
> 
> They at least know how to treat me like a woman
> They have better manners
> I prefer men to be masculine
> I like that they understand their role in the relationship as a man
> Yeah, the 30 year old basement dweller couldn't help himself. None of those things have anything to do with politics but then it finishes with...
> 
> "What's the biggest red flag when it comes to dating?"
> 
> And all of the girls answer "a democrat", "can't be a democrat", and "no democrats". 🙄 If I didn't know it was created by the app developer, I would have thought this was a Davidson skit on SNL.
> 
> Edited Townsend to Davidson


I actually watched some YouTube review on it and I was laughing pretty hard myself!


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> Brilliant words. Awe-inspiring.
> 
> All women should follow your advice, Faithful Wife.
> 
> All very good points that I hadn't thought of before. This sounds very reasonable. I would LOVE to be wrong in my thinking here.
> 
> I am in a red state. I wouldn't have it any other way. However, I'm a city guy. I don't like big cities. I like the smaller mid-west cities.
> 
> But we all know that cities are still cities. In the most crazy blood red states, all of their leftists live in the cities.


Just relax and find your pace while pursuing goals other than women. If you are a somewhat traditional guy, you will attract women.

I like the word traditional better than conservative or liberal. I don't really fit comfortably into either category but traditional fits pretty good.😉


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> I don't really fit comfortably into either category but traditional fits pretty good.😉


I prefer the radical category 

But where I live all dating apps are radical so no problems there.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Being conservative isn't a deal breaker for me. I just need someone that isn't crazy in either direction. Having more right leaning values is just a plus. There are multiple things that can easily leap-frog just being a conservative. Things that attract my attention a lot more.


You're going to do fine. Can you remind me again, are you divorced yet, dipped your toe in yet, or are you still in a pause period?


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> Just relax and find your pace while pursuing goals other than women. If you are a somewhat traditional guy, you will attract women.
> 
> I like the word traditional better than conservative or liberal. I don't really fit comfortably into either category but traditional fits pretty good.😉


Oh, I’m fine.
I’ve got plenty of things going on right now and don’t need to add chasing women to my plate at the moment.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> You're going to do fine. Can you remind me again, are you divorced yet, dipped your toe in yet, or are you still in a pause period?


Been divorced since august 2.

just getting my life back together. Not in any hurry for something


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> I prefer the radical category
> 
> But where I live all dating apps are radical so no problems there.


Your profile just needs the video as a disclaimer.😉😋


----------



## Faithful Wife

@ConanHub Haha!!! It’s actually interesting to see what happens when you tweak your profile a bit and see who you match with. Unfortunately, making mine imply I’m a man eater would most likely send every man running away because they aren’t gonna take it in the context I would mean it.

Same way that if a man described himself as a barbarian on his profile I would not assume he’s a barbarian like you, I’d assume he was going to kill me and wear my skin


----------



## lifeistooshort

Faithful Wife said:


> I have not looked up these stats to get exact numbers, but I think you are correct if including all women then women lean liberal. But if only looking at white women over age 30, didn’t they lean conservative in voting at least, which I assume also translates to their values and dating choices?
> 
> Maybe @lifeistooshort could help us on these stats.


I'll try. I don't have numbers if front of me but I think you definitely have to parse out the different subgroups of women.

There are Democrat voters and then there are liberals and they aren't exactly the same, but for this discussion let's assume they are.

Black women vote Dem in huge numbers so that will skew things. Hispanics traditionally have been Dems but that's changing because they're also very Catholic and don't like the social stuff. Latin culture is still male dominated.

Also younger women tend to be more liberal then younger men because today's hard left can be hostile to men....particularly white men. But something like 20% of gen Z individuals claim to be LGBTQ, and if we assume that women are more likely to be in this group the percentage will be higher for them. This is is generally liberal group, although you can't get an accurate read because conservatives in this group aren't tolerated so they won't speak up.

As women get older they become a bit more conservative but I think that's also going to be regional and subject to religion. If you live in Portland, Oregon it will be harder to find a conservative woman.

OTOH I live in NE FL amd you can find plenty here. But in general women lean more liberal for 2 reasons:

Conservative culture tends to yearn for the good old days. They don't directly mention women knowing their place but it is implied. Also, abortion restrictions are not a winning issue with women so many are alienated by this.

If you're a right leaning guy and you'd be ok with a left leaning woman (neither of you are extreme) you should be able to find such a woman.

If you're hard right it will be harder, but lots of demands shrink one's pool. Demanding a supermodel will shrink your pool too so one has to decide what they can live with.

I'm a little right leaning and even I'd have a hard time with a hard right leaning guy. Moderate to left leaning is ok.

I could nerd out a lot more but I'll stop for now


----------



## ConanHub

This thread turned into another penis thread by gosh!

We also have three votes at least for a preference for mega sized men.

This is adding to my data which was pretty extensive.😉


----------



## Faithful Wife

lifeistooshort said:


> If you're a right leaning guy and you'd be ok with a left leaning woman (neither of you are extreme) you should be able to find such a woman.


I think this may have been part of the problem at The Right Stuff as well, because I gather that most conservative men are willing to date a slightly liberal woman. But on that app they made it so that no such woman would ever join, only extreme alt right women would join and as has been pointed out, there aren't that many women like that who even exist.


----------



## Faithful Wife

lifeistooshort said:


> As women get older they become a bit more conservative but I think that's also going to be regional and subject to religion. If you live in Portland, Oregon it will be harder to find a conservative woman.


This is absolutely true, however you only have to go about 10 miles in any direction away from Portland and towards the suburbs, and it's all red out there. So conservative guys who want to date only conservative gals, even in Portland, still have a lot of choices. They just have to drive a bit further for dates.


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> This thread turned into another penis thread by gosh!


I didn't start it this time I just threw gasoline on it, as per my usual.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> This is absolutely true, however you only have to go about 10 miles in any direction away from Portland and towards the suburbs, and it's all red out there. So conservative guys who want to date only conservative gals, even in Portland, still have a lot of choices. They just have to drive a bit further for dates.


That's true. My wild thing, first girlfriend lives in the Oregon countryside and is very politically and probably socially conservative.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> I didn't start it this time I just threw gasoline on it, as per my usual.


No blame to your game but I have been surprised a little by (the admission and fact finding of) the new input. 😉


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> That's true. My wild thing, first girlfriend lives in the Oregon countryside and is very politically and probably socially conservative.


I was born and raised out there, hated it except for how beautiful it is. Moved to Portland the day after high school graduation!


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> This thread turned into another penis thread by gosh!
> 
> We also have three votes at least for a preference for mega sized men.
> 
> This is adding to my data which was pretty extensive.😉


Mega sized.

🤣🤣🤣


to each their own. I’m glad that some women here will say out loud that is what they want. It gives me the perfect defense to say out loud that I LOVE mega sized boobs.


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> No blame to your game but I have been surprised a little by (the admission and fact finding of) the new input. 😉


My informal survey of nearly every close female friend I've ever had since my teens has yielded me quite the coffer full of stories and (sometimes unwanted) imagery! But you know who would really be the right people to ask if size matters or not would be gay men. That's not a group I've surveyed before, but I would if I had the opportunity.

And then there is the matter of p*rn. Every straight guy who watches it where there is a peen anywhere in sight, the peen is humongous right? So isn't that also a thing straight men desire, if given the choice between average and monster sized they are gonna pick monster every time. But then they wonder if size matters to women? Why wouldn't it, it even matters to straight guys.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> Mega sized.
> 
> 🤣🤣🤣


Mega sized but not MAGA, please.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> My informal survey of nearly every close female friend I've ever had since my teens has yielded me quite the coffer full of stories and (sometimes unwanted) imagery! But you know who would really be the right people to ask if size matters or not would be gay men. That's not a group I've surveyed before, but I would if I had the opportunity.
> 
> And then there is the matter of p*rn. Every straight guy who watches it where the is a peen anywhere in sight, the peen is humongous right? So isn't that also a thing straight men desire, if given the choice between average and monster sized they are gonna pick monster every time. But then they wonder if size matters to women? Why wouldn't it, it even matters to straight guys.


I'll leave the gay dudes to their own because I don't research in that area, though I trade recipes and wine suggestions with them regularly.

You make some very good points about straight porn though which is primarily fueled by straight men obviously. Hmmm....

I'm derailing thread but this is interesting.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Mega sized but not MAGA, please.


I have to admit, you most likely lean too far to the left for my tastes, but if I ran into a gal with your aggressiveness and love of boob men....... well, like I said, there are things I will overlook big time if certain other areas are highlighted. 🤣


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Mega sized.
> 
> 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> 
> to each their own. I’m glad that some women here will say out loud that is what they want. It gives me the perfect defense to say out loud that I LOVE mega sized boobs.


Do you have a female friend who uses online dating apps? If so, ask them to let you look at men's profiles. You'll be shocked by the preferences people mention.

In my short time using apps I saw "[x] cup+ only", "no fake boobs", "no fatties", "no women shaped like pre-teen boys", and my favorite....every pubic hair preference under the sun 🙄. 

I often wonder if guys see profiles that say "mega sized c*** only".


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Do you have a female friend who uses online dating apps? If so, ask them to let you look at men's profiles. You'll be shocked by the preferences people mention.
> 
> In my short time using apps I saw "[x] cup+ only", "no fake boobs", "no fatties", "no women shaped like pre-teen boys", and my favorite....every pubic hair preference under the sun 🙄.
> 
> I often wonder if guys see profiles that say "mega sized c*** only".


Now, do these preferences bother you? I’m asking seriously.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Do you have a female friend who uses online dating apps? If so, ask them to let you look at men's profiles. You'll be shocked by the preferences people mention.


This is a good idea.


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now, do these preferences bother you? I’m asking seriously.


I'm bothered and it's not even relevant to this near dinosaur! LoL!


----------



## Hiner112

Lila said:


> Do you have a female friend who uses online dating apps? If so, ask them to let you look at men's profiles. You'll be shocked by the preferences people mention.
> 
> In my short time using apps I saw "[x] cup+ only", "no fake boobs", "no fatties", "no women shaped like pre-teen boys", and my favorite....every pubic hair preference under the sun 🙄.
> 
> I often wonder if guys see profiles that say "mega sized c*** only".


The answer is yes. Not common but it is definitely out there. I saved a profile because it was for an early 20s woman who was _very_ ...forward?. I used "reverse search" on Match so she was apparently looking for _anyone_ seeing as I was 20 years older than her. Here's the relevant part:



> Umm.. I'm really just looking for one consistent D*ck that's not passed around, no strings attached. Don't come this way with anything less than 7" , or if you don't have your sh*t together.
> *(Own place/car/job/bills ect..ect)*
> Maybe 6" 7/8 if you can make me laugh .. Maybe ... Like really laugh?? You're also not gonna wreck me with your footlong.
> I'm just trying to use you as a spank rag, and be on my way. Sorry but not sorry if that offends you.


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> I'm bothered and it's not even relevant to this near dinosaur! LoL!


So you see, that is where TAM confuses me.

the past 10 pages or so here has been talking about mega sized penises. That seems to be ok and isn’t bothering anyone….. or no one is saying it out loud.

talk about preferences with the female form? Uh oh.


now, to see men putting that in their profiles is hilarious. It really looks like my competition is a bunch of idiots. Sounds like I’ll be fine and not have much trouble. I would never say my preferences in a profile.

I’ll keep my preferences to myself and then notice if they are there or not when I date.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now, do these preferences bother you? I’m asking seriously.


Not normally. It was more shocking. I'm thinking "dude, would you want your mother to read that ? If the answer is no, then don't put it on your profile".

The only times it bothered me was when it came from someone who couldn't bring the same to the table. For example, "no fatties" coming from an overweight/ out of shape guy. Everyone is entitled to their preferences but I could not help finding the audacity very annoying.


----------



## Not

Mega boobs and mega wangs, this thread is back from the dead lol! Yay!


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> So you see, that is where TAM confuses me.
> 
> the past 10 pages or so here has been talking about mega sized penises. That seems to be ok and isn’t bothering anyone….. or no one is saying it out loud.
> 
> *talk about preferences with the female form? Uh oh.*
> 
> 
> now, to see men putting that in their profiles is hilarious. It really looks like my competition is a bunch of idiots. Sounds like I’ll be fine and not have much trouble. *I would never say my preferences in a profile.*
> 
> I’ll keep my preferences to myself and then notice if they are there or not when I date.


So it's not that men talk about their preferences, but on a profile it can get gross really fast. I would say the same if women put certain preferences on their profiles or worded them in a certain way. "No fatties" is juvenile and disrespectful and basically unnecessary on any man or woman's profile.

As for your XXXLARGE boob preferences, I know you won't put that on your profile, because you're a normal person and not a creepo. But saying it here is different, this is like being amongst (anonymous, internet) friends.


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> So you see, that is where TAM confuses me.
> 
> the past 10 pages or so here has been talking about mega sized penises. That seems to be ok and isn’t bothering anyone….. or no one is saying it out loud.
> 
> talk about preferences with the female form? Uh oh.
> 
> 
> now, to see men putting that in their profiles is hilarious. It really looks like my competition is a bunch of idiots. Sounds like I’ll be fine and not have much trouble. I would never say my preferences in a profile.
> 
> I’ll keep my preferences to myself and then notice if they are there or not when I date.


This forum having discussions is usually just fine for preferences and educational.

Posting particulars like @Lila showed are pretty out there. I haven't heard about any mega dong requirements in OLD from women but I have heard the general "Three sixes" requirement that rules all but a small percentage of men out, including yours truly.😉


----------



## Lila

Hiner112 said:


> The answer is yes. Not common but it is definitely out there. I saved a profile because it was for an early 20s woman who was _very_ ...forward?. I used "reverse search" on Match so she was apparently looking for _anyone_ seeing as I was 20 years older than her. Here's the relevant part:


Do you think it was a real profile? 

Something that commonly happens is where jilted ex boyfriends use the photos of their former girlfriends to create fake profiles. They do it to embarrass their exes or hurt their dating chances.


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> I haven't heard about any mega dong requirements in OLD from women but I have heard the general "Three sixes" requirement that rules all but a small percentage of men out, including yours truly.😉


See here's a preference I bet most women on this thread would agree with me on. If given the choice between mega dong but the man himself is uncreative and maybe not very strong, etc....or an average peen but you know you're gonna get thrown around the room and turned upside down regularly/circus sex, we are gonna take door #2.


----------



## joannacroc

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now, do these preferences bother you? I’m asking seriously.


It doesn't bother me because a) it helps filter out people who wouldn't interest me anyway b) it is one of those indicators that we won't get on, if I dont fit x y z criteria

Someone ONLY looking at physical attributes isn't going to be a good match for me. It is completely normal to have physical preferences but surely you can tell that when you meet someone?

If my only value to someone is in my cup size, that is not someone I want to spend much time with. Now, are there physical aspects of someone I appreciate? Absolutely. But I wouldn't include that in my profile because I feel like I can tell on first meeting if I find that person attractive or not.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> This forum having discussions is usually just fine for preferences and educational.
> 
> Posting particulars like @Lila showed are pretty out there. I haven't heard about any mega dong requirements in OLD from women but I have heard the general "Three sixes" requirement that rules all but a small percentage of men out, including yours truly.😉


The angry profiles are common. I wish I had kept the screenshots of the really wacky ones. 

If you want to see what it's like, go to any of the reddits named after any of the dating apps. It's a circus.


----------



## Not

My problem is I prefer men to be very sexually forward but it’s impossible to differentiate between creep and just an honest straight forward guy. Well, outside of any vibes he gives off and vibes can be nonexistent via messaging. I rarely see a man’s profile going anywhere near that topic.

I think that’s actually been one of my problems with dating for the past year. I haven’t been picking up on any obvious sexual vibes from these guys. I think I also equate sexual openness with him being a more open person in general. As in open, honest and not afraid to dig in on any topic under the sun. I love that.

I hate to say it but I’m going to have to start tackling that topic myself, not something I prefer to do but I have to separate the men from the boys somehow.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> See here's a preference I bet most women on this thread would agree with me on. If given the choice between mega dong but the man himself is uncreative and maybe not very strong, etc....or an average peen but you know you're gonna get thrown around the room and turned upside down regularly/circus sex, we are gonna take door #2.


Yup. I love research about this stuff and that's my motivation but I do feel empathy for people dealing with everything.

I'm also incurably curious. LoL!😋

The three sixes makes for a pretty small pool. I have no idea how prevalent that is and I'm sure they have some counterparts who are equally limiting their pool on the men's side.

OLD is most likely something I will never utilize if I found myself single.

I do really good in the wild.🙂


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> My problem is I prefer men to be very sexually forward but it’s impossible to differentiate between creep and just an honest straight forward guy. Well, outside of any vibes he gives off and vibes can be nonexistent via messaging. I rarely see a man’s profile going anywhere near that topic.
> 
> I think that’s actually been one of my problems with dating for the past year. I haven’t been picking up on any obvious sexual vibes from these guys. I think I also equate sexual openness with him being a more open person in general. As in open, honest and not afraid to dig in on any topic under the sun. I love that.
> 
> I hate to say it but I’m going to have to start tackling that topic myself, not something I prefer to do but I have to separate the men from the boys somehow.


You need SEXDAR!!!!😉


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> You need SEXDAR!!!!😉


Mine must be broken lol!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> So it's not that men talk about their preferences, but on a profile it can get gross really fast. I would say the same if women put certain preferences on their profiles or worded them in a certain way. "No fatties" is juvenile and disrespectful and basically unnecessary on any man or woman's profile.
> 
> As for your XXXLARGE boob preferences, I know you won't put that on your profile, because you're a normal person and not a creepo. But saying it here is different, this is like being amongst (anonymous, internet) friends.


I take offense to that!!!!

XXXLARGE!!!!!

😂😂😂😂

I don’t need XXXLARGE…. But I do prefer big. Not sure if I have minimum size requirement. Really would depend upon who I meet in the future.

As for the “no fatties” comment, I agree. That is very offensive and unnecessary.


on the flip side of things, I’ve seen women’s profiles where they required certain salaries, being a home owner, nice car….

I personally think this is just as offensive in the reverse, but that’s just me.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> on the flip side of things, I’ve seen women’s profiles where they required certain salaries, being a home owner, nice car….



See, I would never be offended by something like if they were high earning, home owners, with nice cars looking for the same. It's the people who expect those things but don't bring it themselves that I find offensive. I say this of men AND women. Whenever I see some woman talking about how she wants a 6 figure man, who owns a home, and drives a luxury vehicle but she's making minimum wage barely surviving, my first thought is "you better be good on your knees and your back". Yep, I said it.


----------



## RandomDude

Redhead boobs are simply the best, it's the skin they have not just the hair.










Very rare for such an encounter though, I haven't had one for 20 years. I would have remembered even if drunk 😑
Seen a few so far but I didn't find them attractive individually. A hot one would be enough to get me back out on a fishing trip actually.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> See, I would never be offended by something like if they were high earning, home owners, with nice cars looking for the same. It's the people who expect those things but don't bring it themselves that I find offensive. I say this of men AND women. Whenever I see some woman talking about how she wants a 6 figure man, who owns a home, and drives a luxury vehicle but she's making minimum wage barely surviving, my first thought is "you better be good on your knees and your back". Yep, I said it.


That's honestly the transaction that they are setting themselves up for.

I'm probably Way too out of the game to even comprehend but I don't think I would be interested in the profiles that required some checked boxes like that, even though I could.

I think being independent is reasonable.

I'd better just make sure I kick it first.😋

It looks difficult though I've met some ladies that could be serious contenders in my travels.

I'm really curious about this though. Do you think I could get good research from that Reddit you mentioned?


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> Redhead boobs are simply the best, it's the skin they have not just the hair.
> 
> View attachment 94192
> 
> 
> Very rare for such an encounter though, I haven't had one for 20 years. I would have remembered even if drunk 😑
> Seen a few so far but I didn't find them attractive individually. A hot one would be enough to get me back out on a fishing trip actually.


Probably wouldn't be a wise picture to post on an app!😂

She looks like she was drawn. She's also a kiddo.😉


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> See, I would never be offended by something like if they were high earning, home owners, with nice cars looking for the same. It's the people who expect those things but don't bring it themselves that I find offensive. I say this of men AND women. Whenever I see some woman talking about how she wants a 6 figure man, who owns a home, and drives a luxury vehicle but she's making minimum wage barely surviving, my first thought is "you better be good on your knees and your back". Yep, I said it.


Interesting!!!

the last thing I would care about is minimum wage and barely surviving. None of that matters to me or most men.


min a hypothetical situation where a woman wanted me for my money, house, security, etc….. and we are only looking at “those” types of things, she better be bringing a sweet rack, nice hips and a nice butt.

a guy that is willing to be sought after for his money does not care if the woman makes a dime.


this is all hypothetical of course. I wouldn’t be interested in a woman if that is the first thing she sees in me.


----------



## ConanHub

"Put your clothes on child.". First thing that popped into my head.🤠

Yup. I'm getting older.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> on the flip side of things, I’ve seen women’s profiles where they required certain salaries, being a home owner, nice car….
> 
> I personally think this is just as offensive in the reverse, but that’s just me.


I was gonna answer but basically say exactly what Lila said. I mean, a broke girl saying she "requires" huge salary etc, that's just stupid. But a woman who already has her own wealth, why wouldn't she also want a man with wealth? So that they can both keep the same kind of lifestyle and and no one is draining the other.

I know that sometimes someone who has a bit more will partner with someone who has a bit less, and that's usually due to specific chemistry between two specific people. But generally out here in the post divorce dating world, we're all kinda misers  with what we have and don't want to foot the bill for anyone else


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> Mine must be broken lol!


You just need to send them this song. If they run away, they got scared. 😉


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> My problem is I prefer men to be very sexually forward but it’s impossible to differentiate between creep and just an honest straight forward guy. Well, outside of any vibes he gives off and vibes can be nonexistent via messaging. I rarely see a man’s profile going anywhere near that topic.
> 
> I think that’s actually been one of my problems with dating for the past year. I haven’t been picking up on any obvious sexual vibes from these guys. I think I also equate sexual openness with him being a more open person in general. As in open, honest and not afraid to dig in on any topic under the sun. I love that.
> 
> I hate to say it but I’m going to have to start tackling that topic myself, not something I prefer to do but I have to separate the men from the boys somehow.


I think it is hard for guys (heh heh) because they have probably learned that most women get a creepy vibe from outwardly sexual stuff in profiles, so they hold back. But for me the ones who were overtly sexual, even if not on their profile at all, they were straight out the gate in the PM's with it. So that's how I would know. And I'm not saying that was always a good thing, because again it is a fine line between sexually forward and total creepy. But like you, I need some spark and some sexual energy coming from them so the PM phase of talking was usually my gauge for that.


----------



## Faithful Wife

ConanHub said:


> I'm really curious about this though. Do you think I could get good research from that Reddit you mentioned?


Just remember that reddit is a cess pool full of trolls as well, but yes for sure.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> That's honestly the transaction that they are setting themselves up for.
> 
> I'm probably Way too out of the game to even comprehend but I don't think I would be interested in the profiles that required some checked boxes like that, even though I could.
> 
> I think being independent is reasonable.
> 
> I'd better just make sure I kick it first.😋
> 
> It looks difficult though I've met some ladies that could be serious contenders in my travels.
> 
> I'm really curious about this though. Do you think I could get good research from that Reddit you mentioned?


It's modern dating. People are treated like commodities. Everyone is disposable and the next great thing is one swipe away. 

If you enter r/bumble or tinder or hinge or any of the other big ones, you'll find as much information as you care to absorb.


----------



## ConanHub

Faithful Wife said:


> Just remember that reddit is a cess pool full of trolls as well, but yes for sure.


I've seen some ridiculous stuff out of there and avoided it.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> It's modern dating. People are treated like commodities. Everyone is disposable and the next great thing is one swipe away.
> 
> If you enter r/bumble or tinder or hinge or any of the other big ones, you'll find as much information as you care to absorb.


I need to do research without getting an app myself. LoL!


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Interesting!!!
> 
> the last thing I would care about is minimum wage and barely surviving. None of that matters to me or most men.


And this is where, IMO, most men get into trouble. 




> min a hypothetical situation where a woman wanted me for my money, house, security, etc….. and we are only looking at “those” types of things, she better be bringing a sweet rack, nice hips and a nice butt.
> 
> a guy that is willing to be sought after for his money does not care if the woman makes a dime.
> 
> 
> this is all hypothetical of course. I wouldn’t be interested in a woman if that is the first thing she sees in me.


These women are not going to come out and tell you "hey, I'm only interested in you for your money". 

My best advice for dating is if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> Probably wouldn't be a wise picture to post on an app!😂
> 
> She looks like she was drawn. She's also a kiddo.😉


Huh? Doesn't look kiddo to me then again I'm a youngster so ok boomer  

Redheads ARE works of art 










Red is also my favorite color!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> And this is where, IMO, most men get into trouble.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> These women are not going to come out and tell you "hey, I'm only interested in you for your money".
> 
> My best advice for dating is if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.


Depends.

Im at the point in my life now where I care very little about such things.

also, my horrible experience with my feminist exwife turns me off to a special kind of career woman. My ex made it abundantly clear she “don’t need no man”….. until that was inconvenient. That’s what I run into the most these days. Feminism of convenience. She didn’t need my money until she could steal it in the divorce. I’ll never forget the mediation when she slipped up and said, “I was counting on retiring with your retirement money.”😂😂😂😂😂😂 oh, how I laughed at that! 
The strong, powerful, independent woman all of a sudden needed my money to retire!!!

are all career women like this? Absolutely not. I work with many women engineers that are not assholes like this - but this is why I don’t care if a woman has a good job or not. Call me traditional, but I love taking care of my woman.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Huh? Doesn't look kiddo to me then again I'm a youngster so ok boomer
> 
> Redheads ARE works of art
> 
> View attachment 94196
> 
> 
> Red is also my favorite color!


I am so addicted to crack.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Call me traditional, but I love taking care of my woman.


If you ever do online dating, start with this line. You'll be swamped with messages in the first 30 minutes. 😂


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> I am so addicted to crack.


It's the skin for me... >.<










Just nothing quite like it, also the prettiest boobs!
Also hardly any hot ones around... but thank god at the same time! 

Kryptonite should be illegal! 😣


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> If you ever do online dating, start with this line. You'll be swamped with messages in the first 30 minutes. 😂


Sounds good to me.

my first question back to them would be, “and your cup size?”


JUST JOKING.



sorta.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> It's the skin for me... >.<
> 
> View attachment 94197
> 
> 
> Just nothing quite like it, also the prettiest boobs!
> Also hardly any hot ones around... but thank god at the same time!
> 
> Kryptonite should be illegal! 😣


I dated a natural red head in college.

I will agree about the skin….. especially in certain areas. Tends to be bright pink.

she also had big boobs and was a pretty gal.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds good to me.
> my first question back to them would be, “and your cup size?”
> JUST JOKING.
> sorta.


I use such lines with accidental matches instead of unmatching them. 

It gives me a chuckle and they unmatch me so win/win 😅


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> It's the skin for me... >.<
> 
> View attachment 94197
> 
> 
> Just nothing quite like it, also the prettiest boobs!
> Also hardly any hot ones around... but thank god at the same time!
> 
> Kryptonite should be illegal! 😣


I should message you a pic of my mom, she’s a red head. Smash your fantasies to a pulp lol! They are definitely not created equal! So glad I took after my dad!

Seriously though, I’ve noticed lots of women dying their hair red. Some of them look stunning as red heads.


----------



## Hiner112

Lila said:


> Do you think it was a real profile?
> 
> Something that commonly happens is where jilted ex boyfriends use the photos of their former girlfriends to create fake profiles. They do it to embarrass their exes or hurt their dating chances.



It would have been a hell of a lot of work for a revenge that probably wouldn't have happened. I'll put the whole thing here because it is a damn work of art.



> I'm one of the most brutally honest people you'll ever meet, I'll make you laugh a lot though.
> 
> I'm a single full-time mom of 4 daughters, but you'll never meet them. My time is limited and precious, so dont waste it.
> 
> I can't stand a liar , just keep it real or keep it moving.
> 
> I don't need a man to take care of me materialistically. Play with my hair and rub my butt, or play the guitar for me that's hot ...
> I love a tall man, rough hands, with a soft touch.
> 
> I honestly just be swiping, without reading or looking at profiles at this point.
> 
> _Please know the difference between you're and your, and other basic english_
> 
> If you don't tip your server swipe left??
> 
> I wear boxers or nothing, since that seems to be important.??
> 
> Umm.. I'm really just looking for one consistent D*ck that's not passed around, no strings attached. Don't come this way with anything less than 7" , or if you don't have your sh*t together.
> *(Own place/car/job/bills ect..ect)*
> Maybe 6" 7/8 if you can make me laugh .. Maybe ... Like really laugh?? You're also not gonna wreck me with your footlong.
> I'm just trying to use you as a spank rag, and be on my way. Sorry but not sorry if that offends you.
> 
> Distance is a factor. No one in their right mind is gonna travel over an hour for some head and bed. Even at that distance, it's gotta be mind blowing. I want to be able to hit you up like a food truck, late night weekend style and get my fill.
> 
> I dont want a relationship, marriage, anymore kids, one night stands/sometimey, If your profile says any of these things, you don't have a profile picture , If you cant handle a strong, independent, stubborn woman, then im not the one. This is about me and my wants. Please continue on your search, and find you a nice girl to settle down with. If you're more worried about your nut then mine keep moving, I need someone who wants to please me.
> 
> I enjoy all the manly things, rough and tough. I need a mans man to be able to handle me. .. Can you start a fire? Do you do your own maintenance to your vehicle? Can you bait a hook? Gut your own kill? Do pubes and periods gross you out? Match my energy.
> 
> Who doesn't eat vajayjay , even i have. ... grow up
> 
> Don't get butthurt if i tell you that you don't make the cut. It's not you, its me. I'm sure you're a really great guy.
> 
> Snap. Kayla.selmon89 .. Let's see em?? May the odds be ever in your favor
> (You're not gonna sit there without interaction)
> Sundays should be reserved for you natural fellas, cause that's just the way god made ya.
> 
> I only get off on top, you can't do it any other way. I know my body, so no dont think you can show me anything new. We use condoms over this way, so dont ask if you can hit it raw or cum inside me.
> 
> This isn't back page don't offer me any amount of money for exploritory fun.
> 
> Oh and I'm mean, So dont take it personally. I think i covered all the bases. I know it's a tall order and a long shot. Hey it is what it is.
> 
> Vasectomy = brownie points
> Meth and heroin = application denied
> Big girl = if he dies he dies
> POD= plenty of disappointment
> GF/WF/ crazy BM= move it along
> Hey or hi= won't get a reply
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not a fancy bit*h, and Ive never hosted anything but hpv and cervical cancer, but we're almost out of the woods. If you dont know what that is , then don't worry you probably already have it.
> 
> * if this profile didnt make you laugh, or at least blow a little air out your nose, loosen up a little. Life's short ... YOLO* thanks for coming to my ted talk
> 
> *let the weeding commence. please read between the lines and dont ask questions, when the answers are already there*
> 
> What if i had a dream that he got so sad and scared of the dark out there that he put poison in his body for years and years, until his blood turned into poison; and his heart broke right in half; and he couldn't feel anything happy; and he couldn't stand it anymore and he had to die.
> 
> Would you wake me up from a dream like that?


----------



## ConanHub

I have been doing a little research and it does seem a lot of men just don't know how to set up a good profile and it also looks like women are just a bit better at it?


----------



## Hiner112

Not said:


> My problem is I prefer men to be very sexually forward but it’s impossible to differentiate between creep and just an honest straight forward guy. Well, outside of any vibes he gives off and vibes can be nonexistent via messaging. I rarely see a man’s profile going anywhere near that topic.
> 
> I think that’s actually been one of my problems with dating for the past year. I haven’t been picking up on any obvious sexual vibes from these guys. I think I also equate sexual openness with him being a more open person in general. As in open, honest and not afraid to dig in on any topic under the sun. I love that.
> 
> I hate to say it but I’m going to have to start tackling that topic myself, not something I prefer to do but I have to separate the men from the boys somehow.


It's kind of funny in hindsight but my GF and I were talking about dating expectations in kind of a general way before we had our first in person date (it got delayed because of custody drama and distance on my end). I talked about how the last time I dated, it was with a teenager (I had _just_ turned 20) so, judging from that, date one would maybe have a handshake or a hug if it went well, date two had a chance of a chaste kiss, and date three had the possibility of a wet kiss. She said that she thought that was cute or quaint (though I'm not 100% sure what she really thought). There was almost no innuendo or sexual forwardness, really.

Our first date was a "lunch" that lasted ~3 hours and we had a quick hug before she had to go to a meeting. 

The second was takeout at a park after work where we ate and hung out until dark when we had to leave the park so we went to her house. We made it a few feet into the house before we did a smidgen more than a chaste kiss....  Before we got sweaty in her sun room, there wasn't much in our discussions that went that way. To me it felt like it would have been forced. Also, at that point I was a mid-40s dude that hadn't had sex in a couple years so talking a big game would have definitely had the potential to be an "over promise and under deliver" situation.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I should message you a pic of my mom, she’s a red head. Smash your fantasies to a pulp lol! They are definitely not created equal! So glad I took after my dad!


There's also a few redheads around here but none I find attractive so far (I'm still picky!)
If I do though then I'm utterly screwed. Still would have to be lucky she's also interested in me - I haven't dated a redhead for like 20 years lol

Chances of that many stars aligning is less than zero though haha (as subconsciously intended) 



> Seriously though, I’ve noticed lots of women dying their hair red. Some of them look stunning as red heads.


It's not the same, cause they don't have the same skin 😑


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> I have been doing a little research and it does seem a lot of men just don't know how to set up a good profile and it also looks like women are just a bit better at it?


Mine was pretty pictures attached to one liners and memes. Can't argue with the results as it was like a sushi train for me despite being so picky 😅

Can't imagine a profile where you have to like... I dunno, read a block of text.  Not for the swipe apps at least.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Stupid quotes can’t figure out how to fix post


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> If you ever do online dating, start with this line. You'll be swamped with messages in the first 30 minutes. 😂


It would definitely garner attention, the same way it would garner attention for a woman to say look all I want to do is F all day and night with a man who is taking care of me. The problem is you’d get 99% crap and scam replies and of the 1% who weren’t that, most would be creepy (man or woman).

So I think there are ways you can say either of these with enough subtly that you can get more real responses than scams.

Like for the guy, “love to travel, hope you do too” (implies he can cover for you because he didn’t say “let’s travel Dutch”), or for the gal “I miss and want intimacy” (implies she’s itching for it without saying she’s for sale or that she’s gonna talk raunchy sex immediately).


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Mine was pretty pictures attached to one liners and memes. Can't argue with the results as it was like a sushi train for me despite being so picky 😅
> 
> Can't imagine a profile where you have to like... I dunno, read a block of text.  Not for the swipe apps at least.


You are young. I think as you get older you are more willing to read the block of text because there are clues there to help you avoid making matches that aren’t actually good ones. Swipe swipe swipe gets you more matches, but read and think about it first and then swipe actually saves you time in the long run.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Hiner112 said:


> It would have been a hell of a lot of work for a revenge that probably wouldn't have happened. I'll put the whole thing here because it is a damn work of art.


There are enough”convenient” (prone to provoke) internal contradictions and subtle “turn offs” in the text you quoted I get the feeling the author is manipulating the reader to run away from the alleged poster. Seems fishy to me, anyways.

As to the time involved in crafting something like that, with intent to smear and deceive, I’d agree it would take much. But, some people have a lot of time and energy to put towards such things, as revenge or scratching some less focused itch.

Interesting either way.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> You are young. I think as you get older you are more willing to read the block of text because there are clues there to help you avoid making matches that aren’t actually good ones. Swipe swipe swipe gets you more matches, but read and think about it first and then swipe actually saves you time in the long run.


But my minimalistic approach always got me more results than what is reportedly the average for men (which is lol), and I was dating 20-40s age range.
Then again not like I ever tested a different approach. Writing an essay about myself, with my photo attached to it? Oh hell no 😅

I still remember years ago in POF I wrote something like this on my bio;

_<< CLASSIFIED >>
SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED
INQUIRE FOR ACCESS_

Lol done 😅 , had a few girls message me already with their own silly lines and lols, and then I got banned suddenly for some reason 
Guess I wasn't playing the game properly >.<

Meh, swipe apps are just better.


----------



## LATERILUS79

joannacroc said:


> It doesn't bother me because a) it helps filter out people who wouldn't interest me anyway b) it is one of those indicators that we won't get on, if I dont fit x y z criteria
> 
> Someone ONLY looking at physical attributes isn't going to be a good match for me. It is completely normal to have physical preferences but surely you can tell that when you meet someone?
> 
> If my only value to someone is in my cup size, that is not someone I want to spend much time with. Now, are there physical aspects of someone I appreciate? Absolutely. But I wouldn't include that in my profile because I feel like I can tell on first meeting if I find that person attractive or not.


Of course I wouldn’t put in what physical attributes I’m looking for in an online profile, and yes - I can look to see if my favorite physical attributes are available when I meet someone.

If some asshole out there wants to put those things in his profile because he wants to skip the part where he meets a woman to see if her cup size meets his minimum requirement…. So be it I guess.

your comment about if your “cup size is the only value to a man” makes perfect sense. Certainly any woman would want more value than just that.

but wasn’t it you the other day that went on and on about a man’s equipment and that was the best feature of the man you recently went out with?


----------



## leftfield

Faithful Wife said:


> See here's a preference I bet most women on this thread would agree with me on. If given the choice between mega dong but the man himself is uncreative and maybe not very strong, etc....or an average peen but you know you're gonna get thrown around the room and turned upside down regularly/circus sex, we are gonna take door #2.


Oooohhh crap. Not only is my dong to small now I need to join the circus to make up for it. 

Just call me nieve, but could you give me an idea of what "thrown around the room/ circus sex" is?


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> Of course I wouldn’t put in what physical attributes I’m looking for in an online profile, and yes - I can look to see if my favorite physical attributes are available when I meet someone.
> 
> If some asshole out there wants to put those things in his profile because he wants to skip the part where he meets a woman to see if her cup size meets his minimum requirement…. So be it I guess.
> 
> your comment about if your “cup size is the only value to a man” makes perfect sense. Certainly any woman would want more value than just that.
> 
> but wasn’t it you the other day that went on and on about a man’s equipment and that was the best feature of the man you recently went out with?


To be fair, she said it was a nice bonus but wouldn't determine if she kept or left a relationship and that she's had great sex with various sizes.

So she had her eyes opened to the "size does matter" reality but that reality is also not close to a lone, determining factor.




joannacroc said:


> I used to sincerely believe that...until I started seeing current gentleman caller, who is nicely proportioned. It is not that it is anything that would determine whether I'd want to stay with someone or not, but it is a nice bonus, shall we say? It is a different sensation than someone with smaller equipment but I have had great sex with many sizes from smallish to average before this fellow.


Great post BTW.


----------



## ConanHub

leftfield said:


> Oooohhh crap. Not only is my dong to small now I need to join the circus to make up for it.
> 
> Just call me nieve, but could you give me an idea of what "thrown around the room/ circus sex" is?


Dude! 😂 I'm sure you're not too small and she was talking about the whole package being important as well.

Her reply was more acutely aimed at me because she's a long time poster that has had many threads of experience with me and knows a few things about me personally.

I've got a few muscles and I'm prone to picking my wife off the ground for extended periods of time.😉


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sounds good to me.
> 
> my first question back to them would be, “and your cup size?”
> 
> 
> JUST JOKING.
> 
> 
> 
> sorta.


That would honestly be one of the most benign things a man could say to a woman online dating. Seriously. Not joking. The crap that some men think it's okay to say is astounding.


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> I have been doing a little research and it does seem a lot of men just don't know how to set up a good profile and it also looks like women are just a bit better at it?


Pfft...I set up a new profile last night with the intention of filling out most of it today. Just a couple of pics with the words "coming soon" in the getting to know you/me section and boom, the men are hitting anyway. Beyond the pictures, men do not care. I think I'm going to leave it with the "coming soon" thing. Why bother with sharing my personality or plans for my life? It clearly does not matter to the majority.


----------



## Not

leftfield said:


> Oooohhh crap. Not only is my dong to small now I need to join the circus to make up for it.
> 
> Just call me nieve, but could you give me an idea of what "thrown around the room/ circus sex" is?


Enthusiastic lover.


----------



## Lila

Hiner112 said:


> It would have been a hell of a lot of work for a revenge that probably wouldn't have happened. I'll put the whole thing here because it is a damn work of art.


It's actually very easy. You upload existing pics and write a trashy profile. Takes less than 10 minutes. The apps do not verify identifies with government issues IDs or anything like that. Catfishing is rather common..


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> Pfft...I set up a new profile last night with the intention of filling out most of it today. Just a couple of pics with the words "coming soon" in the getting to know you/me section and boom, the men are hitting anyway. Beyond the pictures, men do not care. I think I'm going to leave it with the "coming soon" thing. Why bother with sharing my personality or plans for my life? It clearly does not matter to the majority.


I think it's an artificial environment and the guys hitting on nothing more than a picture is a sad result.

That sounds like a meat market.


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> To be fair, she said it was a nice bonus but wouldn't determine if she kept or left a relationship and that she's had great sex with various sizes.
> 
> So she had her eyes opened to the "size does matter" reality but that reality is also not close to a lone, determining factor.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Great post BTW.


Conan, I don't dispute what you say here.

I'm trying to bring up a specific issue. If a woman here starts to talk about the "best feature" of a date being his package, all the comments start to roll in. They typically sound like, "You go girl! Get you that mega sized sausage!". 

The moment men talk about features they prefer on a woman..... well, that's when the caveats come in, correct?


"We aren't on a dating site here. I'm not putting that in my dating profile. This is all anonymous."

"I'm not looking at just his junk. He has other features I like as well."



Somehow, its "different" when women talk about large penises compared to men that want specific features on a woman. Why is it automatically assumed that the men only consider specific features on a woman to be important? Sure, there are assholes on dating sites that say they want specific features. Doubt that is the majority. 

Just keepin' things even, Conan. 

For me personally, no matter how much I joke, it should be assumed that I clearly care more than just the size of a woman's breasts.


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> Like for the guy, “love to travel, hope you do too” (implies he can cover for you because he didn’t say “let’s travel Dutch”), or for the gal “I miss and want intimacy” (implies she’s itching for it without saying she’s for sale or that she’s gonna talk raunchy sex immediately)



And here I was left swiping on all the "love to travel, hope you do to" guys because I felt I would go broke traveling with them. I didn't realize that statement implied they were covering costs.


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> I think it's an artificial environment and the guys hitting on nothing more than a picture is a sad result.
> 
> That sounds like a meat market.


It really is.


----------



## Lila

leftfield said:


> Oooohhh crap. Not only is my dong to small now I need to join the circus to make up for it.
> 
> Just call me nieve, but could you give me an idea of what "thrown around the room/ circus sex" is?


Look up ragdolling.


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> Conan, I don't dispute what you say here.
> 
> I'm trying to bring up a specific issue. If a woman here starts to talk about the "best feature" of a date being his package, all the comments start to roll in. They typically sound like, "You go girl! Get you that mega sized sausage!".
> 
> The moment men talk about features they prefer on a woman..... well, that's when the caveats come in, correct?
> 
> 
> "We aren't on a dating site here. I'm not putting that in my dating profile. This is all anonymous."
> 
> "I'm not looking at just his junk. He has other features I like as well."
> 
> 
> 
> Somehow, its "different" when women talk about large penises compared to men that want specific features on a woman. Why is it automatically assumed that the men only consider specific features on a woman to be important? Sure, there are assholes on dating sites that say they want specific features. Doubt that is the majority.
> 
> Just keepin' things even, Conan.
> 
> For me personally, no matter how much I joke, it should be assumed that I clearly care more than just the size of a woman's breasts.


I find it refreshing because I love input for my data banks and the penis size issue has been notoriously difficult to research.

I'm hoping you haven't been stigmatized for liking what you like either.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> It really is.


Well yeah but it's also where you can find the largest variety of steak cuts for your dinner, just have to mind the smell, scammers and what not.

You can even find the cuts to your preferences 😊, I went in looking for a specific type and found it lol

Larget variety doesn't mean the most premium steaks though 😌


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Sure, there are assholes on dating sites that say they want specific features. Doubt that is the majority.


In my experience, online dating apps, because of the anonymity they provide, attract a lot of unsavory people but also bring out the worst in all of us. People say and do things they would never say or do in real life. 

And because it is based almost entirely on physical appearance, people feel entitled to ask for things like cup size, height, weight, body measurements, and yes c*** size. 

I can't tell you the number of times I had a guy ask me for more pictures even though I had plenty of representative full body and face pics on my profile. They wanted different angles to determine whether they found my body shape attractive enough to invest the time to meet in person. 

True story, I had one guy video call me on Bumble only to ask me to stand up and do a slow circle so he could have a 360 view of me. Me being me said that I would trade. I asked him to find a tape measure and show me how tall he really was. He hung up on me and unmatched. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## ConanHub

So I'm guessing this could happen to guys who make a good picture, that they get a bunch of matches as well without much context?

I would assume a little less as women are generally more risk averse.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> In my experience, online dating apps, because of the anonymity they provide, attract a lot of unsavory people but also bring out the worst in all of us. People say and do things they would never say or do in real life.
> 
> And because it is based almost entirely on physical appearance, people feel entitled to ask for things like cup size, height, weight, body measurements, and yes c*** size.
> 
> I can't tell you the number of times I had a guy ask me for more pictures even though I had plenty of representative full body and face pics on my profile. They wanted different angles to determine whether they found my body shape attractive enough to invest the time to meet in person.
> 
> True story, I had one guy video call me on Bumble only to ask me to stand up and do a slow circle so he could have a 360 view of me. Me being me said that I would trade. I asked him to find a tape measure and show me how tall he really was. He hung up on me and unmatched. 🤷‍♀️


I didn't ask for height, I just searched for it hehe 😊

As for asking for different angles what the? Lol. Considering I have a 50/50 chance of being catfished anyway I'm like whatever. 

Even my fbuddy catfished me somewhat but meh, I saw her and thought "yeah, I can still work with that" especially when her body was simply divine.

And lol the guy who wanted you to do a 360 on film wtf hahahaha


----------



## joannacroc

LATERILUS79 said:


> Conan, I don't dispute what you say here.
> 
> I'm trying to bring up a specific issue. If a woman here starts to talk about the "best feature" of a date being his package, all the comments start to roll in. They typically sound like, "You go girl! Get you that mega sized sausage!".
> 
> The moment men talk about features they prefer on a woman..... well, that's when the caveats come in, correct?
> 
> 
> "We aren't on a dating site here. I'm not putting that in my dating profile. This is all anonymous."
> 
> "I'm not looking at just his junk. He has other features I like as well."
> 
> 
> 
> Somehow, its "different" when women talk about large penises compared to men that want specific features on a woman. Why is it automatically assumed that the men only consider specific features on a woman to be important? Sure, there are assholes on dating sites that say they want specific features. Doubt that is the majority.
> 
> Just keepin' things even, Conan.
> 
> For me personally, no matter how much I joke, it should be assumed that I clearly care more than just the size of a woman's breasts.


If you go back you will see I mentioned many other things I liked about him and only obliquely referred to his penis. I was then asked to elaborate and did. But if it is ok to say things like "ooo big boobs are nice" which I have heard many people say why isn't it ok to make similar remarks about penises? It might not be in the top 5 reasons I like him but is an added bonus.


----------



## SunCMars

Most singles are mindful, and desirous of being a couple.

Some who are coupled, are desirous of being single, so that they can re-couple.

A happy couple meshes perfectly, from head to toe.
That toe-to-toe, that lip to lip, that stick to slip, in bed.

Out of bed, their compatibility, rubs well together.


----------



## RandomDude

Big boobs are nice, on redheads 😊

They make a boob man outta me.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> So I'm guessing this could happen to guys who make a good picture, that they get a bunch of matches as well without much context?
> 
> I would assume a little less as women are generally more risk averse.


Good looking guy with no profile= catfish in my book.


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> I didn't ask for height, I just searched for it hehe 😊
> 
> As for asking for different angles what the? Lol. Considering I have a 50/50 chance of being catfished anyway I'm like whatever.
> 
> Even my fbuddy catfished me somewhat but meh, I saw her and thought "yeah, I can still work with that" especially when her body was simply divine.
> 
> And lol the guy who wanted you to do a 360 on film wtf hahahaha


The problem is that people lie on their profiles. They lie about age, height, # of kids or they lack self awareness (eg. fit when they are anything but or social drinker when they are in fact weekend alcoholics). 

As good as filters have gotten in this day and age, I do feel bad for guys using online dating. ON THE OTHER HAND, how many flawlessly skinned, large almond eyed, perfectly symmetrical face, and 32-22-32 shaped body women do they think exist? When the majority of the profiles are of perfect women, yet it's rare to come across these types in real life, something's gotta click in their brains (the big one) that the pics are filtered.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> Good looking guy with no profile= catfish in my book.


Hey now 😅 
I never catfish, I always get compliments too. 

Still remember ms TV reporter (worse catfish ever, I couldn't recognise her) said I look better in person and then I was thinking "if only I could say the same" 😭


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> Hey now 😅
> I never catfish, I always get compliments too.
> 
> Still remember ms TV reporter (worse catfish ever, I couldn't recognise her) said I look better in person and then I was thinking "if only I could say the same" 😭


I'll be the judge of the catfish. 

Q 1. Are you active military living abroad with sole custody of a school aged child whose mom died of cancer?

Q2. Do you work on an oil rig and have sole custody of a school aged child whose mom is dead or in jail or a drug addict? 

Q 3. Do you foresee financial difficulties in the near future where you can't pay your phone bill and need me to send you apple gift cards to bail you out?


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Good looking guy with no profile= catfish in my book.


I'm sure the reverse could be true but I'm wondering if they would still get a lot of hits?


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> I'll be the judge of the catfish.
> 
> Q 1. Are you active military living abroad with sole custody of a school aged child whose mom died of cancer?
> 
> Q2. Do you work on an oil rig and have sole custody of a school aged child whose mom is dead or in jail or a drug addict?
> 
> Q 3. Do you foresee financial difficulties in the near future where you can't pay your phone bill and need me to send you apple gift cards to bail you out?


Lol oh that sort of catfish, I thought you meant physical catfish.

Well I'm completely emotionally unavailable but I only found out after I scratched my itch so 😣 guess it was bad but I wasn't self aware...

Thankfully somehow I ended up hurting no one this time, so I can be forgiven? 😇


----------



## jlg07

Not said:


> I should message you a pic of my mom, she’s a red head. Smash your fantasies to a pulp lol! They are definitely not created equal! So glad I took after my dad!
> 
> Seriously though, I’ve noticed lots of women dying their hair red. Some of them look stunning as red heads.


The weird thing I've seen in redheads in life -- they are usually either stunning, or, umm, VERY NOT stunning (sorry, didn't really want to be rude here!)
I have rarely seen just and everyday average girl next door type of redhead....


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> I'm sure the reverse could be true but I'm wondering if they would still get a lot of hits?


I know I did 😊

I also swipe right to hot girls with no profiles, it's a waste of time on swipe apps anyway I reckon, just embrace it as the meat market it is I'd say.


----------



## RandomDude

jlg07 said:


> The weird thing I've seen in redheads in life -- they are usually either stunning, or, umm, VERY NOT stunning (sorry, didn't really want to be rude here!)
> I have rarely seen just and everyday average girl next door type of redhead....


I always thought Rachel from the Jun/Rachel channel the average girl next door type of redhead...






As if I would complain though! She's hot AF 🔥 in my book, they only really need to be easy on the eye for me

Cant expect total stunners redheads are rare enough as it is


----------



## ConanHub

LoL! I have a red headed cousin that is six feet tall.

She's a man eater! She's never had difficulty getting her hair messed up so to speak.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> That would honestly be one of the most benign things a man could say to a woman online dating. Seriously. Not joking. The crap that some men think it's okay to say is astounding.


Please refer back to what I was referencing.

You mentioned that if I made a profile where I stated that I wanted to "take care of my woman" that I would be hit up with many messages. I interpreted that you were implying I would be hit up with many gold diggers. As such, I made a joke by saying an equally shallow comment to any possible gold digger with, "and what is your cup size?".

Did I misinterpret what you were saying?


joannacroc said:


> If you go back you will see I mentioned many other things I liked about him and only obliquely referred to his penis. I was then asked to elaborate and did. But if it is ok to say things like "ooo big boobs are nice" which I have heard many people say why isn't it ok to make similar remarks about penises? It might not be in the top 5 reasons I like him but is an added bonus.


obliquely? So you mean you didn't refer to his equipment in a direct way? In my opinion, you definitely refered to his junk in a direct way. 

This is completely ok with me. I have no problems with women here saying they have minimum requirements on penis sizes. All good with me.

I would ask you to refer back to my comment. I said that when men begin to say what they want physically in a woman in response to women giving out their penis requirements, the caveats start to come out....... as if it is "worse" for a man to say his physical preferences. that is what I see. Caveats. 


Speaking of which, what are the penis requirements that you all have? What length and girth meet the minimum requirements? I've always been curious about this one.


----------



## LATERILUS79

ConanHub said:


> LoL! I have a red headed cousin that is six feet tall.
> 
> She's a man eater! She's never had difficulty getting her hair messed up so to speak.


One of my cousins is 6'3". I was so happy when she found her husband (who is 6.7"). Really pretty gal but was always going to have a tough time dating.

Still pissed off that she got those genes over me. If I was 6'3" along with my ability to build lots of muscle mass...... damn. I could have played Division 1A college ball.


----------



## jlg07

RandomDude said:


> I always thought Rachel from the Jun/Rachel channel the average girl next door type of redhead...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As if I would complain though! She's hot AF 🔥 in my book, they only really need to be easy on the eye for me
> 
> Cant expect total stunners redheads are rare enough as it is


She's pretty -- not the other side of the coin! Yes, she isn't as stunning as some of the other pics that have been posted here, but still way on the prettier side of the scale!

Also, she's not all dolled up either with makeup, etc.. I bet if she had some color enhancements around her eyes, stunner..


----------



## jlg07

ConanHub said:


> LoL! I have a red headed cousin that is six feet tall.
> 
> She's a man eater! She's never had difficulty getting her hair messed up so to speak.


So SHE is the one throwing her paramour around the room, eh???? 

Does her profile say she like shorter guys who weigh under 150 lbs!!! AND that she's into wrestling! 🤣


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> But my minimalistic approach always got me more results than what is reportedly the average for men (which is lol), and I was dating 20-40s age range.
> Then again not like I ever tested a different approach. Writing an essay about myself, with my photo attached to it? Oh hell no 😅
> 
> I still remember years ago in POF I wrote something like this on my bio;
> 
> _<< CLASSIFIED >>
> SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED
> INQUIRE FOR ACCESS_
> 
> Lol done 😅 , had a few girls message me already with their own silly lines and lols, and then I got banned suddenly for some reason
> Guess I wasn't playing the game properly >.<
> 
> Meh, swipe apps are just better.


Did it get you results though? Plenty of dates aren't results unless that's your ultimate goal.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Please refer back to what I was referencing.
> 
> You mentioned that if I made a profile where I stated that I wanted to "take care of my woman" that I would be hit up with many messages. I interpreted that you were implying I would be hit up with many gold diggers. As such, I made a joke by saying an equally shallow comment to any possible gold digger with, "and what is your cup size?".
> 
> Did I misinterpret what you were saying?


I know you meant it as a joke. My response was to show the sad reality. That kind of question would not even register in the "bad things people say while online dating". 

I belong to a Facebook group where women post their OLD chats - the bad ones. Most of these are young women (21-35). The kinds of stuff that some men ask or say is crazy but what's worse is these women see it as "normal" 😳. The bar is so very low.


----------



## RandomDude

jlg07 said:


> She's pretty -- not the other side of the coin! Yes, she isn't as stunning as some of the other pics that have been posted here, but still way on the prettier side of the scale!


Lucky guy Jun, cute cats too 😑

Why can't I have a redhead next door?


----------



## Faithful Wife

leftfield said:


> Oooohhh crap. Not only is my dong to small now I need to join the circus to make up for it.
> 
> Just call me nieve, but could you give me an idea of what "thrown around the room/ circus sex" is?


Oh come on, no one is pointing at anyone else in particular or saying anyone does or doesn't have the "right" or "wrong" equipment. If you don't know me well yet, you probably don't realize that I am silly and irreverent.

I do love sex though so I'm not joking about that. Thrown around/circus sex is just another way to describe passionate, very physical sex. ✌


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Did it get you results though? Plenty of dates aren't results unless that's your ultimate goal.


Well the goal was to get responses and messages. So yeah it worked lol

I doubt writing an essay would change the outcome besides you know how secretive I like to be with strangers, as if I would do that 😅


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> And here I was left swiping on all the "love to travel, hope you do to" guys because I felt I would go broke traveling with them. I didn't realize that statement implied they were covering costs.


Usually if they mean let's travel dutch they will somehow imply it - or just straight up say it. 

However, not all who don't say it mean they will cover for you. It's a hint sometimes but not always.

I have seen some who say something like "I'm very generous, let's travel!" Which gives me a cringe, but at least it is direct.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Oh come on, no one is pointing at anyone else in particular or saying anyone does or doesn't have the "right" or "wrong" equipment. If you don't know me well yet, you probably don't realize that I am silly and irreverent.
> 
> I do love sex though so I'm not joking about that. Thrown around/circus sex is just another way to describe passionate, very physical sex. ✌


If anyone is shallow as F it's me, unashamedly 😅


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well the goal was to get responses and messages. So yeah it worked lol
> 
> I doubt writing an essay would change the outcome besides you know how secretive I like to be with strangers, as if I would do that 😅


Ok.

I'm just going off your I'm-so-lonely-but-unavailable posts.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Ok.
> 
> I'm just going off your I'm-so-lonely-but-unavailable posts.


Well yeah that's my problem, no change to my dating strategy can fix that lol

Even if I meet superwoman tomorrow there's nothing left for me to give her. If she's a redhead though then yeah, I would worship her body but that's all I can do.

How is writing essays about my life going to change that? 😅


----------



## leftfield

Faithful Wife said:


> Oh come on, no one is pointing at anyone else in particular or saying anyone does or doesn't have the "right" or "wrong" equipment. If you don't know me well yet, you probably don't realize that I am silly and irreverent.
> 
> I do love sex though so I'm not joking about that. Thrown around/circus sex is just another way to describe passionate, very physical sex. ✌


I do have an idea of who you are.

My first line was my sorta/kinda attempt at humor. (Sorry that didn't come through). I do appreciate your answer.


----------



## Faithful Wife

leftfield said:


> I do have an idea of who you are.
> 
> My first line was my sorta/kinda attempt at humor. (Sorry that didn't come through). I do appreciate your answer.


Oh good! It is hard to tell sometimes, because people do get personally insulted so I wasn't sure.


----------



## 2&out

jlg07 said:


> The weird thing I've seen in redheads in life -- they are usually either stunning, or, umm, VERY NOT stunning (sorry, didn't really want to be rude here!)
> I have rarely seen just and everyday average girl next door type of redhead....


My first wife was a redhead and my 2 kids are both redheads. My buddies thought it was hilarious to tell me again, and again, and again... that she was great looking but needed her eyesight checked because she obviously couldn't see sh*t. 

My son had a rough time for a while when young because like I hear, see about OLD, kids can be / are mean as hell to redhead boys. At about 11 I put him in Tia Kwon Do (sp ?) which he excelled at and channeled some anger about kids teasing him. He grew confidence and after about a year I told him if he needed to beat a few kids asses I'd back him up and not punish him for. Only took a couple and kids realized it would be in their best interest to not eff with him. Instead of being a picked on kid he became one of the cool kids who lots wanted to be his friend. Sorry for the drift.

RandomDude - I'm partial to them also (obviously) but like lots of things in life can be a double edged sword. If you're the insecure or jealous type you may not be as happy as you think if you can't handle lots of guys drooling over your lady like all the time and trying to pick her up. You have been warned.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well yeah that's my problem, no change to my dating strategy can fix that lol
> 
> Even if I meet superwoman tomorrow there's nothing left for me to give her. If she's a redhead though then yeah, I would worship her body but that's all I can do.
> 
> How is writing essays about my life going to change that? 😅


True.

Of course, you're fixated on going from one extreme to the next, with memes and no profile to essays, instead of something reasonable. I'm results-driven, so I prefer to tackle problems instead of whine about them, but you do you, my friend.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> True.
> 
> Of course, you're fixated on going from one extreme to the next, with memes and no profile to essays, instead of something reasonable. I'm results-driven, so I prefer to tackle problems instead of whine about them, but you do you, my friend.


Huh? I wasn't going to change my approach, I was saying my approach is best 😅

Not whining about it, I'm saying it works! Lol


----------



## RandomDude

2&out said:


> My first wife was a redhead and my 2 kids are both redheads. My buddies thought it was hilarious to tell me again, and again, and again... that she was great looking but needed her eyesight checked because she obviously couldn't see sh*t.
> 
> My son had a rough time for a while when young because like I hear, see about OLD, kids can be / are mean as hell to redhead boys. At about 11 I put him in Tia Kwon Do (sp ?) which he excelled at and channeled some anger about kids teasing him. He grew confidence and after about a year I told him if he needed to beat a few kids asses I'd back him up and not punish him for. Only took a couple and kids realized it would be in their best interest to not eff with him. Instead of being a picked on kid he became one of the cool kids who lots wanted to be his friend. Sorry for the drift.
> 
> RandomDude - I'm partial to them also (obviously) but like lots of things in life can be a double edged sword. If you're the insecure or jealous type you may not be as happy as you think if you can't handle lots of guys drooling over your lady like all the time and trying to pick her up. You have been warned.


I already had a universally beautiful ex 14 years younger than me that every man in town wanted a piece of so I'm used to it. Even as confident as I am even I told her to check me out with her glasses on 😆

Besides I only need to keep the next one for a few shags anyway cause that's all I'm about these days lol so I don't really care about all that the other edge of the blade. It's so liberating actually, now I know how @Numb26 feels.


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> So I'm guessing this could happen to guys who make a good picture, that they get a bunch of matches as well without much context?
> 
> I would assume a little less as women are generally more risk averse.


It's a mixed bag. One guy who's sent me a message seems pretty iffy. His username is The Legend lol! His profile pics are decent and his stats fit for me except for distance but the only thing he has in his profile to describe himself is "Ask Away". The message he sent states "You are Sooo Stinkin Cute!" That's it. Nothing to really go on but pics.

So what I'm left with is some questions. Is his username a clue to a funny personality or something else? Pairing the username with his pics he comes of as a little self absorbed which means his "Ask Away" could denote a bit of arrogance. Who the hell knows. 

If he lived closer I think I'd pass still. This is so tiring.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> It's a mixed bag. One guy who's sent me a message seems pretty iffy. His username is The Legend lol! His profile pics are decent and his stats fit for me except for distance but the only thing he has in his profile to describe himself is "Ask Away". The message he sent states "You are Sooo Stinkin Cute!" That's it. Nothing to really go on but pics.
> 
> So what I'm left with is some questions. Is his username a clue to a funny personality or something else? Pairing the username with his pics he comes of as a little self absorbed which means his "Ask Away" could denote a bit of arrogance. Who the hell knows.
> 
> If he lived closer I think I'd pass still. This is so tiring.


Well on a swipe app, unless it's bumble all you have to do is swipe back, and on bumble I mostly just get hi 👋 not like I gave them much to go on lol though several commented on my silly profile


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Huh? I wasn't going to change my approach, I was saying my approach is best 😅
> 
> Not whining about it, I'm saying it works! Lol


Ok then. I'll remember that the next time you post another self-pitying whine about something or the other.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Ok then. I'll remember that the next time you post another self-pitying whine about something or the other.


What the whole I have nothing left to give thing? I'm simply stating facts and laughing about it even lol. If I do sound sad it's just my dark humour and I already accepted there's nothing I can do to fix it.

You can't regrow limbs or teeth, same with the ability to love. It's limited per lifetime and I already noticed throughout my entire lifetime even my last ex suffered from it. Sometimes once you give one something you just can't give another, and sometimes you give everything because you were in love.

But no regrets, as my last ex even said when we broke up we were lucky to have experienced a love like ours.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> It's a mixed bag. One guy who's sent me a message seems pretty iffy. His username is The Legend lol! His profile pics are decent and his stats fit for me except for distance but the only thing he has in his profile to describe himself is "Ask Away". The message he sent states "You are Sooo Stinkin Cute!" That's it. Nothing to really go on but pics.
> 
> So what I'm left with is some questions. Is his username a clue to a funny personality or something else? Pairing the username with his pics he comes of as a little self absorbed which means his "Ask Away" could denote a bit of arrogance. Who the hell knows.
> 
> If he lived closer I think I'd pass still. This is so tiring.


I've definitely been given a negative view of OLD just from reading but if I ever found myself single, I at least know some solid folks could be found there because TAM.🙂


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> What the whole I have nothing left to give thing? I'm simply stating facts and laughing about it even lol. If I do sound sad it's just my dark humour and I already accepted there's nothing I can do to fix it.
> 
> You can't regrow limbs or teeth, same with the ability to love. It's limited per lifetime and I already noticed throughout my entire lifetime even my last ex suffered from it. Sometimes once you give one something you just can't give another, and sometimes you give everything because you were in love.
> 
> But no regrets, as my last ex even said when we broke up we were lucky to have experienced a love like ours.


Maybe you're right, and your humor doesn't translate very well online. I know that can get me in trouble sometimes, especially via text. 

You come across as negative but wistful. Like you've given up on changing anything in your approach or yourself, but still, have these grand expectations. Of course that's super judgy of me to say, but it's what I see. As someone who is also prone to self sabotage, I've found that having a negative mindset only attracts a negative outcome, and I end up ruining something I say I want.

Maybe it's just I can't understand why bother with shallow relationships, they're so unfulfilling and it's quite curious to watch others' takes on that kind of thing. Anyway, I'll keep my thoughts to myself from now on, you seem content as you are.


----------



## RandomDude

Sometimes I wonder too about our soulmatey first year, for me it's fine since I've lived a full love life and happy to retire with the best saved for last. 😊

By comparison I was her first and I raised her expectations so high by spoiling her so much as I was so in love with her but even I couldn't sustain it 😆

Shot myself in the foot.

Even my mates warned me about it but I was consumed by lovey doveys all I saw was butterflies and rainbows 🌈 and that she was a unicorn 🦄

So silly 😑


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I've definitely been given a negative view of OLD just from reading but if I ever found myself single, I at least know some solid folks could be found there because TAM.🙂


It's not great, for sure. I spent a very short time on it and dealt with so much crap that I made my profile invisible and did my own searching 😂. If my bf and I don't work out, I probably won't bother to date again until I get super horny.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Maybe you're right, and your humor doesn't translate very well online. I know that can get me in trouble sometimes, especially via text.
> 
> You come across as negative but wistful. Like you've given up on changing anything in your approach or yourself, but still, have these grand expectations. Of course that's super judgy of me to say, but it's what I see. As someone who is also prone to self sabotage, I've found that having a negative mindset only attracts a negative outcome, and I end up ruining something I say I want.
> 
> Maybe it's just I can't understand why bother with shallow relationships, they're so unfulfilling and it's quite curious to watch others' takes on that kind of thing. Anyway, I'll keep my thoughts to myself from now on, you seem content as you are.


@Faithful Wife

Describes it very well and I already admitted it several pages back.

My post (recommend you read hers too that I was replying to)



RandomDude said:


> Pretty much, I am definitely emotionally unavailable now and putting up road blocks. Actually forget the road block.
> 
> It's more like a DAM:
> View attachment 94155
> 
> 
> Keeps the sex drive river from flooding the brain valley.
> 
> Example: If she isn't a redhead with this much hair for me to get lost in...
> View attachment 94154
> 
> ... forget it!
> 
> Unless a redhead does show up and rev my engine like ms work crush did earlier this year


I have very few sexual triggers left, redheads or very dark black women are my remaining itches. I'm not even as turned on by a tall asian with long legs since scratching that.

This is just what I have become I guess 🤷‍♂️

If I seem hopeful, that's just the waves crashing against the dam. Deep down that's exactly how I want it to be.


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> I've definitely been given a negative view of OLD just from reading but if I ever found myself single, I at least know some solid folks could be found there because TAM.🙂


Yet all the TAM members here are always complaining they can't find people like here on TAM 😅


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> I've definitely been given a negative view of OLD just from reading but if I ever found myself single, I at least know some solid folks could be found there because TAM.🙂


I've had that same thought myself lol!

I just wanted to give you an example of one woman's reaction to a males profile with not much other than pics to go by.


----------



## RandomDude

@Not 

No pics no swipe for me. Are you sure the guys deliberately swiped right to your blank profile? Might be they just swiping right to everything as that's what most guys seem to do 🙄

I would be swiping left like crazy if I go back on it, now imagine if I could filter by redheads like did with Asians. Likely going to have a 1 in 20 match rate though compared to Asians lol


----------



## Lila

Dilemma time....

Earlier this year, when Pogo and I were on one of our off seasons, I was introduced to a guy with so much going for him that it was a shame to learn he still harbors so much anger towards his ex wife 5 years after their divorce. She cheated on him.

We went out on dates a couple times but it became evident very quickly he has drama, trust issues, and relationship insecurity that is typical of people who haven't done the work to deal with the negative emotions resulting from infidelity and divorce. My ex left me for another woman so I understand the pain. But I learned that in order to have a happy life, I was going to have to work through the negative emotions, as ****ty as that was at the time.

Fast forward Pogo and I get back together. Angry guy and I stay friends (He really is good guy but needs therapy).

So to the Dilemma.... my very good friend asked me what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts. She's a beautiful person inside and out looking for her second happily-ever-after. Her ex husband had serious mental health issues which was the source of lots of mental and physical abuse.

Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> @Not
> 
> No pics no swipe for me. Are you sure the guys deliberately swiped right to your blank profile? Might be they just swiping right to everything as that's what most guys seem to do 🙄
> 
> I would be swiping left like crazy if I go back on it, now imagine if I could filter by redheads like did with Asians. Likely going to have a 1 in 20 match rate though compared to Asians lol


My profile wasn't completely blank, it had a few pics and stats, like divorced/height/eye and hair color.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Dilemma time....
> 
> Earlier this year, when Pogo and I were on one of our off seasons, I was introduced to a guy with so much going for him that it was a shame to learn he still harbors so much anger towards his ex wife 5 years after their divorce. She cheated on him.
> 
> We went out on dates a couple times but it became evident very quickly he has drama, trust issues, and relationship insecurity that is typical of people who haven't done the work to deal with the negative emotions resulting from infidelity and divorce. My ex left me for another woman so I understand the pain. But I learned that in order to have a happy life, I was going to have to work through the negative emotions, as ****ty as that was at the time.
> 
> Fast forward Pogo and I get back together. Angry guy and I stay friends (He really is good guy but needs therapy).
> 
> So to the Dilemma.... my very good friend asked me what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts. She's a beautiful person inside and out looking for her second happily-ever-after. Her ex husband had serious mental health issues which was the source of lots of mental and physical abuse.
> 
> Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


If their chemistry is that good, maybe this is just what he needs to recover?

I think your honest opinion is fine, but I personally don’t like saying someone needs therapy. I would prefer phrasing it as he needs to move on and let go of his anger towards his ex.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> Dilemma time....
> 
> Earlier this year, when Pogo and I were on one of our off seasons, I was introduced to a guy with so much going for him that it was a shame to learn he still harbors so much anger towards his ex wife 5 years after their divorce. She cheated on him.
> 
> We went out on dates a couple times but it became evident very quickly he has drama, trust issues, and relationship insecurity that is typical of people who haven't done the work to deal with the negative emotions resulting from infidelity and divorce. My ex left me for another woman so I understand the pain. But I learned that in order to have a happy life, I was going to have to work through the negative emotions, as ****ty as that was at the time.
> 
> Fast forward Pogo and I get back together. Angry guy and I stay friends (He really is good guy but needs therapy).
> 
> So to the Dilemma.... my very good friend asked me what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts. She's a beautiful person inside and out looking for her second happily-ever-after. Her ex husband had serious mental health issues which was the source of lots of mental and physical abuse.
> 
> Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


Honesty. All you really have to do is give examples of things he said and did, actual things that happened, instead of your opinion. She can then form her own opinions that way.


----------



## PieceOfSky

> Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


Honest opinion, stated as opinion.

Could ask her if she really wants your honest opinion, and not comment unless she convinces you she does.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Dilemma time....
> 
> Earlier this year, when Pogo and I were on one of our off seasons, I was introduced to a guy with so much going for him that it was a shame to learn he still harbors so much anger towards his ex wife 5 years after their divorce. She cheated on him.
> 
> We went out on dates a couple times but it became evident very quickly he has drama, trust issues, and relationship insecurity that is typical of people who haven't done the work to deal with the negative emotions resulting from infidelity and divorce. My ex left me for another woman so I understand the pain. But I learned that in order to have a happy life, I was going to have to work through the negative emotions, as ****ty as that was at the time.
> 
> Fast forward Pogo and I get back together. Angry guy and I stay friends (He really is good guy but needs therapy).
> 
> So to the Dilemma.... my very good friend asked me what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts. She's a beautiful person inside and out looking for her second happily-ever-after. Her ex husband had serious mental health issues which was the source of lots of mental and physical abuse.
> 
> Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


I would probably do a personal assessment of my friend. If my friend seemed observant and capable in the mate department, I would probably not worry about a warning.

If they were missing red flags left and right? I might ask them some questions to feel things out and maybe express concern.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> my very good friend *asked me* what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts.


She asked you so of course you tell her your real opinion. However, if their chemistry was off the charts she's not gonna listen anyway. So you will have done your good friend duty, and she will probably end up regretting being with him but she will remember that you did tell her.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> She asked you so of course you tell her your real opinion. However, if their chemistry was off the charts she's not gonna listen anyway. So you will have done your good friend duty, and she will probably end up regretting being with him but she will remember that you did tell her.


I thought of that too. She’s not going to listen if the chemistry is crazy wild. Not sure I would listen lol!


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> If their chemistry is that good, maybe this is just what he needs to recover?
> 
> I think your honest opinion is fine, but I personally don’t like saying someone needs therapy. I would prefer phrasing it as he needs to move on and let go of his anger towards his ex.


The fairytale lover in me wants to think that Beauty can tame the Beast but the pragmatist in me thinks only people who see a problem choose to change. Until he sees he has a problem, no one will be enough to help him recover. 

I would never be so direct as to say he needs therapy. I will tell her he can't seem to move on from his divorce. 



Not said:


> Honesty. All you really have to do is give examples of things he said and did, actual things that happened, instead of your opinion. She can then form her own opinions that way.


I'm thinking that's the way to go with this. Just be honest about our interactions. Whether she decides to move forward or not will be on her. 



PieceOfSky said:


> Honest opinion, stated as opinion.
> 
> Could ask her if she really wants your honest opinion, and not comment unless she convinces you she does.


She asked me so I'm assuming she wants honesty but maybe you're right. She might have just been excited and said "what do you think?" Expecting me to say "i think he's great 😃👍". 



ConanHub said:


> I would probably do a personal assessment of my friend. If my friend seemed observant and capable in the mate department, I would probably not worry about a warning.
> 
> If they were missing red flags left and right? I might ask them some questions to feel things out and maybe express concern.


She's a great person but rather naive when it comes to dating. She sees everyone through rose colored glasses. This is lovely but also makes her easy prey. I think that's why she invites me as her +1 to everything. In the movie 9-5, I'm Dolly Parton's character and she's Jane Fonda's character. 



Faithful Wife said:


> She asked you so of course you tell her your real opinion. However, if their chemistry was off the charts she's not gonna listen anyway. So you will have done your good friend duty, and she will probably end up regretting being with him but she will remember that you did tell her.


Yeah this is what worries me. I hope she's smart enough to see past the superficial stuff.


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Dilemma time....
> 
> Earlier this year, when Pogo and I were on one of our off seasons, I was introduced to a guy with so much going for him that it was a shame to learn he still harbors so much anger towards his ex wife 5 years after their divorce. She cheated on him.
> 
> We went out on dates a couple times but it became evident very quickly he has drama, trust issues, and relationship insecurity that is typical of people who haven't done the work to deal with the negative emotions resulting from infidelity and divorce. My ex left me for another woman so I understand the pain. But I learned that in order to have a happy life, I was going to have to work through the negative emotions, as ****ty as that was at the time.
> 
> Fast forward Pogo and I get back together. Angry guy and I stay friends (He really is good guy but needs therapy).
> 
> So to the Dilemma.... my very good friend asked me what I thought of him after she met him at a social event we both attended. To hear her tell it, the chemistry was off the charts. She's a beautiful person inside and out looking for her second happily-ever-after. Her ex husband had serious mental health issues which was the source of lots of mental and physical abuse.
> 
> Do i give her my honest opinion (he needs work) or do I let her figure it out for herself?


Is this the same attractive friend I've heard you speak about in the past that is also drawn to drama? If so, that could explain their off-the-charts chemistry.

Give her your honest assessment one time, and one time only, to accept your analysis or reject it. The rest is up to her.



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Is this the same attractive friend I've heard you speak about in the past that is also drawn to drama? If so, that could explain their off-the-charts chemistry.
> 
> Give her your honest assessment one time, and one time only. To accept your analysis or reject it. The rest is up to her.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Lol. No this is a very sweet drama-free friend. She's very traditional, comes from a traditional culture. She's just...naive for lack of a better word. 

My wild child friend is dating someone. They've been together since the beginning of the year. She's his complete opposite but they seem to get along.


----------



## Quad73

Faithful Wife said:


> See here's a preference I bet most women on this thread would agree with me on. If given the choice between mega dong but the man himself is uncreative and maybe not very strong, etc....or an average peen but you know you're gonna get thrown around the room and turned upside down regularly/circus sex, we are gonna take door #2.


Dom over dong. Noted


----------



## Faithful Wife

Quad73 said:


> Dom over dong. Noted


Not for me, thanks. A lotta women like being dommed a bit, I'm not one of them. I'm talking about passion and enthusiasm and _both_ of us being extremely physical. I'm in great shape and can do a frog squat on top forever if necessary, but I want it to be reciprocated by getting thrown down on my back sometimes.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> Yeah this is what worries me. I hope she's smart enough to see past the superficial stuff.


It's ok....sometimes great chemistry is worth a train wreck. Or even if it isn't, she won't blame you.


----------



## Not

Well, had dinner then polished off what was left of my box of Fanny May Pixies. Now I‘m relaxing with my glass of tequila rose and getting ready to head into the trenches lol! Ya’ll have a Good Friday night. 😊


----------



## LATERILUS79

Quad73 said:


> Dom over dong. Noted


She had me at “thrown around the room and turned upside down.”
🤣🤣🤣


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Well, had dinner then polished off what was left of my box of Fanny May Pixies. Now I‘m relaxing with my glass of tequila rose and getting ready to head into the trenches lol! Ya’ll have a Good Friday night. 😊


Head into the trenches?! What do you do on Friday nights?!

Friday night for me is sitting next to my daughter in the bleachers watching my son’s hockey game.

I do enjoy outdoor rinks.

oh, and the constant “daddy!!! What happened to my internet?!” Well little girl, if you walk away from daddy with your tablet, you go out of hotspot range.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Not for me, thanks. A lotta women like being dommed a bit, I'm not one of them. I'm talking about passion and enthusiasm and _both_ of us being extremely physical. I'm in great shape and can do a frog squat on top forever if necessary, but I want it to be reciprocated by getting thrown down on my back sometimes.


I swear, you have the best posts here.

damn.

you should be offering classes.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> I swear, you have the best posts here.
> 
> damn.
> 
> you should be offering classes.


Thanks, you’re sweet. I used to have a sax blog, just a hobby not monetized or anything but it was fun. I like to write and I like sex so it was a good fit. Just don’t have the energy for it now but maybe someday.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Oh and relevant to these recent posts, one of the things I wanted to do back when I had my blog was make some educational videos about circus sex stuff. Like show couples by (fully clothed) demonstration how to throw/get thrown down on a bed or slam/get slammed up against a wall. There are tricks people can quickly learn that make these things a partner dance kind of thing and no one actually gets hurt or actually has to muscle the others entire body around. When I saw price tags for help with making such videos I was like meh, never mind.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Faithful Wife said:


> Oh and relevant to these recent posts, one of the things I wanted to do back when I had my blog was make some educational videos about circus sex stuff. Like show couples by (fully clothed) demonstration how to throw/get thrown down on a bed or slam/get slammed up against a wall. There are tricks people can quickly learn that make these things a partner dance kind of thing and no one actually gets hurt or actually has to muscle the others entire body around. When I saw price tags for help with making such videos I was like meh, never mind.


To be honest, this is VERY important stuff to me.

consider me essentially the same size as Conan. I am large and very strong. My ex treated me like a rapist in my bedroom for 18 years. I had to be exceptionally careful around her. No sudden moves. No accidental or purposefully move her. I had a strict set of rules to follow. Look forward to the day I can have circus sex for the first time in my life and actually be free to be myself.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> To be honest, this is VERY important stuff to me.
> 
> consider me essentially the same size as Conan. I am large and very strong. My ex treated me like a rapist in my bedroom for 18 years. I had to be exceptionally careful around her. No sudden moves. No accidental or purposefully move her. I had a strict set of rules to follow. Look forward to the day I can have circus sex for the first time in my life and actually be free to be myself.


Omg that’s incredibly sad. Yikes I’m super sorry.

I think if you keep your mind intent on the goal of just being attracted to and attractive to other highly sexual potential partners you should do well. And seriously you probably should bang around with a couple one time gals just for practice once you finally hit the dating scene.

As you’ve seen there’s a bunch of super sexy fun chicks right here in our thread. Not, Trix, Lila, and a bunch of others I’ve forgot are all women who would love a lot of good passionate sex. So remember some women are like your wife but a LOT of women aren’t.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> To be honest, this is VERY important stuff to me.
> 
> consider me essentially the same size as Conan. I am large and very strong. My ex treated me like a rapist in my bedroom for 18 years. I had to be exceptionally careful around her. No sudden moves. No accidental or purposefully move her. I had a strict set of rules to follow. *Look forward to the day I can have circus sex for the first time in my life and actually be free to be myself.*


Why not get started already, every time I check in you're still procastinating 😅

Unless you are really serious about the emotional connection part and not into ONSs, which is understandable. It's nicer to F someone with a connection, but these things come in its own time. And sadly, she may not even like sex like your wife. I noticed a disturbing trend 30+ with the women I dated, many simply weren't into physical touch. The woman I ended up hooking up with, she was 10 years younger at 26.

If you want sex sometimes you just have to put yourself out there, and sometimes you just have to settle. I may have got what I wanted after four months of dating but I settled too, my fbuddy didn't want to be exclusive so meh, I broke my own "FWB-minimum" rule because hello, hot lady want sex now! It does feel empty though afterwards you may associate sex negatively as a result, or you may not. Either way you'll learn about yourself.

That's the thing about dating, you find yourself in the process.


----------



## Hiner112

Faithful Wife said:


> Thanks, you’re sweet. I used to have a *sax* blog, just a hobby not monetized or anything but it was fun. I like to write and I like sex so it was a good fit. Just don’t have the energy for it now but maybe someday.


Guys after reading your blog:










(I know it's a typo but I couldn't read it without picturing this guy from Lost Boys and I laughed out loud)


----------



## ConanHub

LATERILUS79 said:


> To be honest, this is VERY important stuff to me.
> 
> consider me essentially the same size as Conan. I am large and very strong. My ex treated me like a rapist in my bedroom for 18 years. I had to be exceptionally careful around her. No sudden moves. No accidental or purposefully move her. I had a strict set of rules to follow. Look forward to the day I can have circus sex for the first time in my life and actually be free to be myself.


Wow! Sorry my friend. I guarantee there are a good number of women that really love a physical man that can really bring it in the physical power category and still obviously treat them like a lover.

I can pick my lady up like a football and she absolutely loves it because she feels safe with me.

Mrs. C is also a very proper, if occasionally mischievous, lady so the outer appearance won't necessarily equate to what a lady likes but I believe you have been stunted and denied and, just from personal experience, there do seem to be a very good number of ladies that enjoy a man who can handle them occasionally.😉


----------



## ConanHub

Hiner112 said:


> Guys after reading your blog:
> 
> View attachment 94240
> 
> 
> (I know it's a typo but I couldn't read it without picturing this guy from Lost Boys and I laughed out loud)


Love that movie! It's my friend group's go to for movie night and we can almost quote the whole thing.😋


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

ConanHub said:


> LATERILUS79 said:
> 
> 
> 
> To be honest, this is VERY important stuff to me.
> 
> consider me essentially the same size as Conan. I am large and very strong. My ex treated me like a rapist in my bedroom for 18 years. I had to be exceptionally careful around her. No sudden moves. No accidental or purposefully move her. I had a strict set of rules to follow. Look forward to the day I can have circus sex for the first time in my life and actually be free to be myself.
> 
> 
> 
> Wow! Sorry my friend. I guarantee there are a good number of women that really love a physical man that can really bring it in the physical power category and still obviously treat them like a lover.
> 
> I can pick my lady up like a football and she absolutely loves it because *she feels safe with me.*
> 
> Mrs. C is also a very proper, if occasionally mischievous, lady so the outer appearance won't necessarily equate to what a lady likes but I believe you have been stunted and denied and, just from personal experience, there do seem to be a very good number of ladies that enjoy a man who can handle them occasionally.😉
Click to expand...

THIS. Clearly, Laterilus, your ex didn't feel safe around you, didn't trust you for some reason. Maybe there was no basis for it from your end, so it was a relationship dynamic problem, or more likely, a problem with her, something from her past she hadn't worked through.

If you can't bench press your partner, what's the point of being together?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Hopeful Cynic said:


> THIS. Clearly, Laterilus, your ex didn't feel safe around you, didn't trust you for some reason. Maybe there was no basis for it from your end, so it was a relationship dynamic problem, or more likely, a problem with her, something from her past she hadn't worked through.
> 
> If you can't bench press your partner, what's the point of being together?


One of these days I’ll update my thread and tell my whole story. My ex is not mentally well and manipulated me into thinking she was for many years. It wasn’t until I came to TAM that I realized she had been lying to me for many years how most women truly are.

you are correct. She didn’t feel safe around me even though I never gave her any reason not to be in 20 years. She just enjoys being a professional victim. She loves not taking any responsibility for her actions. If she truly felt unsafe around me, she wouldn’t trust me to take care of our children on my own either and that isn’t the case. She is just messed up in the head.

no worries though. I have the second half of my life to live and I love coming to TAM to see how real women act in the world.


----------



## Faithful Wife

LATERILUS79 said:


> no worries though. I have the second half of my life to live and I love coming to TAM to see how real women act in the world.


It used to be debated around here that the women on TAM must lean a bit more sexual than the general public. Because we had dozens of women speaking about how much they love sex, how their man is the one who doesn’t want it as much, and similar. And the men would say no way all of you represent reality because “every woman I know” is like my wife, and similar.

And I think it was finally discussed that more women who are the higher sex drive partner are going to find their way here than women who are “meh” about sex and are in (what they consider) happy marriages.

So my point is….yes definitely look to TAM to see a variety of women and their attitudes, but know that in the real world you are still looking for a type of gem. Not completely rare but also not completely common.


----------



## LisaDiane

ConanHub said:


> Love that movie! It's my friend group's go to for movie night and we can almost quote the whole thing.😋


That singer though....Lol!!


----------



## ConanHub

LisaDiane said:


> That singer though....Lol!!


One of many, silly, but stylized scenes.😂


----------



## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> Wow! Sorry my friend. I guarantee there are a good number of women that really love a physical man that can really bring it in the physical power category and still obviously treat them like a lover.
> 
> I can pick my lady up like a football and she absolutely loves it because she feels safe with me.
> 
> Mrs. C is also a very proper, if occasionally mischievous, lady so the outer appearance won't necessarily equate to what a lady likes but I believe you have been stunted and denied and, just from personal experience, there do seem to be a very good number of ladies that enjoy a man who can handle them occasionally.😉


Women who don't appreciate a big aggressive guy they can trust are really missing out!


----------



## ConanHub

LisaDiane said:


> That singer though....Lol!!


The movie definitely wouldn't be the same without that beefcake, lip syncing and whipping his hips! LoL!


----------



## Not

Online dating in a nutshell. The only thing missing is the good ones always live too far away.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Online dating in a nutshell. The only thing missing is the good ones always live too far away.
> View attachment 94284


I am admiring your persistence 😅


----------



## ccpowerslave

ConanHub said:


> …which was pretty extensive.


🙀🍆



RandomDude said:


> Still remember ms TV reporter (worse catfish ever, I couldn't recognise her) said I look better in person and then I was thinking "if only I could say the same"


This happened to me a while ago. I was out on a run and I ran into a woman I used to run with in a group. She says, “Wow you look like you haven’t changed a bit.” My brain went into overdrive trying to come up with what to say back because, “You too!” wasn’t working. I don’t remember what I said.


----------



## RandomDude

ccpowerslave said:


> 🙀🍆
> 
> 
> 
> This happened to me a while ago. I was out on a run and I ran into a woman I used to run with in a group. She says, “Wow you look like you haven’t changed a bit.” My brain went into overdrive trying to come up with what to say back because, “You too!” wasn’t working. I don’t remember what I said.


Oh if only we could speak the truth 😌


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I am admiring your persistence 😅


Stubborness or stupidity, remains to be seen.😂


----------



## Not

I’m not starting a thread for this because I don’t have the energy for it right now (my youngest daughter is not doing good and needs mental health help and I’m struggling with helping her) but I do want put it out there because I think it’s directly related to my dating issues and all the trouble I’m having. I don’t trust myself to recognize a mentally and emotionally healthy man. I do think I have gotten much better since my last relationship, but I still don’t fully trust myself. I believe this particular issue is called parentification and/or enmeshment. Something I am just starting to learn about. I thought I would throw it out there and go fishing for any tips or pointers on this particular topic.

I had a very eye-opening conversation with my sister recently. It had me opening my eyes to something pretty huge for the first time in my 50 years and has most likely had a impact on the types of men I choose.

My parents were both pretty messed up but all of my focus has always been on my mom. She’s an incredibly crappy person. I blamed her for everything and because I saw her as such a monster I saw my dad as an innocent victim and never really paid attention to what he was doing as I was growing up.

When she left, he latched onto me. I was 10 years old and being put into the role of mother to my younger siblings and an almost wife like roll with my dad. Looking back, I think I can say for certain that my dad was a severe codependent. All I can say for sure is that I somehow wound up in a position where I felt overly protective of him and felt a very deep-seated sorrow for him which then caused me to feel tremendous guilt as I grew and became more independent. Like growing up and wanting to get out on my own had me feeling like I was abandoning him. And when I look back now, I can clearly see that he was manipulating me and saying things to me to inflict that guilt.

When I was 17, without telling me, he rented a really big house when the lease on his apartment expired and automatically expected me to foot half of the bills. He’s sprung this on me after we moved in. So I did. The thought of not paying half the bills had me feeling like I was betraying him. I realized though that I was never going to be able to get up on my own 2 feet with this going on. I felt like he had purposely trapped me and at the same time it had become the norm for him, that I would just always be there.

About 18 months later I left home. Married my ex-husband within two months of meeting. I got away.

The crazier part, though, is that all these years I thought I left to get away from my mom. Which is true but turns out it is was more than that. My sister says she always thought I left to get away from my dad because he was suffocating me and wanted me to stay with him forever. When I left my dad switched over to my brother and I believe my brother has suffered more than I did.

It’s like I had a serious mental block and could not blame my dad for anything because I saw him as a victim so my mind couldn’t go there. And my dad was doing other things that my sister and I look back on now that were just plain wrong. He was never there for us, off in his own head doing whatever he wanted regardless of what us kids needed. Yet made us feel responsible for his well being. Very selfish.

it wasn’t until this conversation with my sister that I saw the similarities between my dad, my ex-husband and my last boyfriend. All three were severely codependent and I was there to save the day for all of them. I saw all three of them as very insecure and that brought out the rescuer in me, and I then felt obligated to save them. All three were master guilt trippers, selfish and emotional leeches.

And now I’m on these dating apps, looking at these men, wondering what lurks beneath the surface. I don’t trust people much because of everything I’ve experienced but I do know there are really good people out there because I am out there too. I do think I have gotten to the point to where my mistrust is at a healthy level but I do worry that I am too open minded and forgiving, too accepting and that is where I fail.

I prefer to see people as fellow travelers in life who’ve also had a rough go, so I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt but that has not worked out too well for me. But I don’t want to change that part of me.

The one thing I have always had going for me is a fierce independence and stubbornness to push through. So I am determined to push through this and get to the bottom of it so my life can be better. So it looks like I have some learning to do maybe in regards to codependency, I don’t even know where to start.


----------



## joannacroc

Another date with the guy I hit it off with from a couple of weeks ago. I think it will likely remain casual but I do like him. His living space is clean but really chaotic (a lot of extra vehicles and random collections of stuff) and it just made me think I could not live like this, but if we are going to date casually for a bit I would like that as I enjoy his company. Have you ever met someone whose company you really like but who you both know it isn't a long-term fit? What did you do? 

Will eventually have a conversation about what he is looking etc. for but that seems premature. Am hoping he wants something similar, as his company is restful and fun.


----------



## LATERILUS79

How is it clean but also chaotic? I’m trying to put that together in my head.
Is that the only thing that takes him from long term to casual?


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I’m not starting a thread for this because I don’t have the energy for it right now (my youngest daughter is not doing good and needs mental health help and I’m struggling with helping her) but I do want put it out there because I think it’s directly related to my dating issues and all the trouble I’m having. I don’t trust myself to recognize a mentally and emotionally healthy man. I do think I have gotten much better since my last relationship, but I still don’t fully trust myself. I believe this particular issue is called parentification and/or enmeshment. Something I am just starting to learn about. I thought I would throw it out there and go fishing for any tips or pointers on this particular topic.
> 
> I had a very eye-opening conversation with my sister recently. It had me opening my eyes to something pretty huge for the first time in my 50 years and has most likely had a impact on the types of men I choose.
> 
> My parents were both pretty messed up but all of my focus has always been on my mom. She’s an incredibly crappy person. I blamed her for everything and because I saw her as such a monster I saw my dad as an innocent victim and never really paid attention to what he was doing as I was growing up.
> 
> When she left, he latched onto me. I was 10 years old and being put into the role of mother to my younger siblings and an almost wife like roll with my dad. Looking back, I think I can say for certain that my dad was a severe codependent. All I can say for sure is that I somehow wound up in a position where I felt overly protective of him and felt a very deep-seated sorrow for him which then caused me to feel tremendous guilt as I grew and became more independent. Like growing up and wanting to get out on my own had me feeling like I was abandoning him. And when I look back now, I can clearly see that he was manipulating me and saying things to me to inflict that guilt.
> 
> When I was 17, without telling me, he rented a really big house when the lease on his apartment expired and automatically expected me to foot half of the bills. He’s sprung this on me after we moved in. So I did. The thought of not paying half the bills had me feeling like I was betraying him. I realized though that I was never going to be able to get up on my own 2 feet with this going on. I felt like he had purposely trapped me and at the same time it had become the norm for him, that I would just always be there.
> 
> About 18 months later I left home. Married my ex-husband within two months of meeting. I got away.
> 
> The crazier part, though, is that all these years I thought I left to get away from my mom. Which is true but turns out it is was more than that. My sister says she always thought I left to get away from my dad because he was suffocating me and wanted me to stay with him forever. When I left my dad switched over to my brother and I believe my brother has suffered more than I did.
> 
> It’s like I had a serious mental block and could not blame my dad for anything because I saw him as a victim so my mind couldn’t go there. And my dad was doing other things that my sister and I look back on now that were just plain wrong. He was never there for us, off in his own head doing whatever he wanted regardless of what us kids needed. Yet made us feel responsible for his well being. Very selfish.
> 
> it wasn’t until this conversation with my sister that I saw the similarities between my dad, my ex-husband and my last boyfriend. All three were severely codependent and I was there to save the day for all of them. I saw all three of them as very insecure and that brought out the rescuer in me, and I then felt obligated to save them. All three were master guilt trippers, selfish and emotional leeches.
> 
> And now I’m on these dating apps, looking at these men, wondering what lurks beneath the surface. I don’t trust people much because of everything I’ve experienced but I do know there are really good people out there because I am out there too. I do think I have gotten to the point to where my mistrust is at a healthy level but I do worry that I am too open minded and forgiving, too accepting and that is where I fail.
> 
> I prefer to see people as fellow travelers in life who’ve also had a rough go, so I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt but that has not worked out too well for me. But I don’t want to change that part of me.


Good you are now self aware of your patterns. I also always end up with the extroverted needy types in long term relationships. Which I don't mind but I'm never enough for them! That I do mind! 😅

I dunno if I even want to change though, I like what I like. I tried dating an introvert it didn't work lol



> The one thing I have always had going for me is a fierce independence and stubbornness to push through. So I am determined to push through this and get to the bottom of it so my life can be better. So it looks like I have some learning to do maybe in regards to codependency, I don’t even know where to start.


Well, that's one recipe for success, never giving up.

I reach points where I realised it's not working though and changed my approach. Like an example would be that I planned to go dance classes instead of continuing OLD. I would have, if I didn't also realised that deep down I'm no longer actually capable of love. It's a lot of little things I noticed about myself when dating, not just with my fbuddy but my vulnerability/tolerance/patience/will, I have none of it left, and that's vital for any relationship.

I suspect you haven't reached my point, so I would say, maybe change the approach.


----------



## ConanHub

Great insight @Not


----------



## TXTrini

joannacroc said:


> Another date with the guy I hit it off with from a couple of weeks ago. I think it will likely remain casual but I do like him. His living space is clean but really chaotic (a lot of extra vehicles and random collections of stuff) and it just made me think I could not live like this, but if we are going to date casually for a bit I would like that as I enjoy his company. Have you ever met someone whose company you really like but who you both know it isn't a long-term fit? What did you do?
> 
> Will eventually have a conversation about what he is looking etc. for but that seems premature. Am hoping he wants something similar, as his company is restful and fun.


Noones going to be perfect though, theres always goingto be something "wrong". I was horrified when I first saw my bfs place and ended up cleaning a little to tolerate the time I spent there. 

Anyway, I remembered how spotless my exs place was when we first got together, then he was a complete slob to live with... constantly leaving messes for me to clean up. While my bf clean up behind himself, and even me sometimes when I'm cooking if I happen to spill something. 

I've laid out my concerns bc it is something that would keep me from cohabitation. But he's got everything else I like in a a man. You might end up changing your mind later on.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Good you are now self aware of your patterns. I also always end up with the extroverted needy types in long term relationships. Which I don't mind but I'm never enough for them! That I do mind! 😅
> 
> I dunno if I even want to change though, I like what I like. I tried dating an introvert it didn't work lol
> 
> 
> 
> Well, that's one recipe for success, never giving up.
> 
> I reach points where I realised it's not working though and changed my approach. Like an example would be that I planned to go dance classes instead of continuing OLD. I would have, if I didn't also realised that deep down I'm no longer actually capable of love. It's a lot of little things I noticed about myself when dating, not just with my fbuddy but my vulnerability/tolerance/patience/will, I have none of it left, and that's vital for any relationship.
> 
> I suspect you haven't reached my point, so I would say, maybe change the approach.


This has been a lifelong thing for me. I have always made myself smaller in my relationships. And I always felt like I needed to just be there for them in any way they needed.

I caught myself though with this last guy who I was trying to set up as my FWB. I caught myself entertaining the idea of basically turning myself into a pretzel to meet his schedule even though it would’ve made me miserable. I knew about his very sick dad and that had me feeling sorry for him. But when he told me he wasn’t available on the weekends, so obviously not willing to meet me halfway, I got really really angry Another one who was selfish and not willing to put forth any effort. I’m very good at finding these types.

So I think I’m doing better in ways and it helps that I am now starting to understand why I do this to myself. 

No, I haven’t reached the point where you are. I am determined to find myself in an eventual, long-term relationship that makes me happy. I’ve never had that. I don’t want to give up on that dream.


----------



## Not

joannacroc said:


> Another date with the guy I hit it off with from a couple of weeks ago. I think it will likely remain casual but I do like him. His living space is clean but really chaotic (a lot of extra vehicles and random collections of stuff) and it just made me think I could not live like this, but if we are going to date casually for a bit I would like that as I enjoy his company. Have you ever met someone whose company you really like but who you both know it isn't a long-term fit? What did you do?
> 
> Will eventually have a conversation about what he is looking etc. for but that seems premature. Am hoping he wants something similar, as his company is restful and fun.


This is very early days. It sounds like something definitely worth investing some time in to learn more and get to know him better.


----------



## Hiner112

I'm on the other end of the spectrum on checking on someone's cleanliness. With my ex the house was never good enough so when I saw that my GF's house wasn't as neat as mine I was relieved.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> This has been a lifelong thing for me. I have always made myself smaller in my relationships. And I always felt like I needed to just be there for them in any way they needed.
> 
> I caught myself though with this last guy who I was trying to set up as my FWB. I caught myself entertaining the idea of basically turning myself into a pretzel to meet his schedule even though it would’ve made me miserable. I knew about his very sick dad and that had me feeling sorry for him. But when he told me he wasn’t available on the weekends, so obviously not willing to meet me halfway, I got really really angry Another one who was selfish and not willing to put forth any effort. I’m very good at finding these types.
> 
> So I think I’m doing better in ways and it helps that I am now starting to understand why I do this to myself.


Maybe he was just done. Like me. However, in his case he just doesn't realise it, so he's wasting both your time.



> No, I haven’t reached the point where you are. I am determined to find myself in an eventual, long-term relationship that makes me happy. *I’ve never had that.* I don’t want to give up on that dream.


Never?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Maybe he was just done. Like me. However, in his case he just doesn't realise it, so he's wasting both your time.
> 
> 
> 
> Never?


He may be done, that’s a definite possibility. But I suspect he was very interested and was having an internal battle with himself and that’s why he came off as so selfish. He wanted me but he didn’t want me lol! Either way there was no upside for me.

And yep, never. I have never been in a well-balanced, healthy, happy relationship. So that is my goal. 😊


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> He may be done, that’s a definite possibility. But I suspect he was very interested and was having an internal battle with himself and that’s why he came off as so selfish. He wanted me but he didn’t want me lol! Either way there was no upside for me.


Yup sounds like me. It's an internal battle because there's always going to be desire unless he gets castrated.



> And yep, never. I have never been in a well-balanced, healthy, happy relationship. So that is my goal. 😊


You have loved and lost though yes?


----------



## ConanHub

When Mrs. Conan met me, I was barely house trained 😋 and you don't even want to know about my housekeeping and neatness. She was, and still is, extremely neat, clean and orderly. Fortunately, I had other characteristics that kept her interested enough to stick it out.😎

I grew and adapted.😉


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> It's a mixed bag. One guy who's sent me a message seems pretty iffy. His username is The Legend lol! His profile pics are decent and his stats fit for me except for distance but the only thing he has in his profile to describe himself is "Ask Away". The message he sent states "You are Sooo Stinkin Cute!" That's it. Nothing to really go on but pics.
> 
> So what I'm left with is some questions. Is his username a clue to a funny personality or something else? Pairing the username with his pics he comes of as a little self absorbed which means his "Ask Away" could denote a bit of arrogance. Who the hell knows.
> 
> If he lived closer I think I'd pass still. This is so tiring.


@Not You make me laugh. Every time you are giving up dating, you create a new profile! Good luck. You get an A+ for trying!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

I find the penis comments and threads amusing. Especially considering 90% of the male population is within an inch, high/low. It’s a none factor IMO and never once gave it a second thought. I’ve never once heard a woman, in a great relationship, say her dude was too small. It seems to me that every great guy has a huge winer.


----------



## Hiner112

Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women so the penis can't be _that_ important.


----------



## Quad73

Hiner112 said:


> Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women so the penis can't be _that_ important.


Not to lesbians.


----------



## RandomDude

RebuildingMe said:


> I find the penis comments and threads amusing. Especially considering 90% people of the male population is within an inch, high/low. It’s a none factor IMO and never once gave it a second thought. I’ve never once heard a woman, in a great relationship, say her dude was too small. It seems to me that every great guy has a huge winer.


Pffft still going to post my penis memes! Lol












Hiner112 said:


> Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women so the penis can't be _that_ important.


That's because they play with 12inch dildos mate 😅


----------



## RebuildingMe

Hiner112 said:


> Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women so the penis can't be _that_ important.


Lesbians also statistically have the _least_ amount of partner sex of any group. So it’s probably easy to orgasm when you only orgasm once every three months.


----------



## Hiner112

RandomDude said:


> Pffft still going to post my penis memes! Lol
> 
> View attachment 94315
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's because they play with 12inch dildos mate 😅


_shrug_ There's nothing stopping me from using said dildo on my GF. An artificial penis regardless of size wouldn't touch her clitoris anyway so we'd still need something else for her to orgasm.


----------



## ConanHub

And yet again....... Another penis thread rises.......😳


----------



## RandomDude

Never gets old does it? 😅


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> Never gets old does it? 😅


Well, yes, penises do get old, BUT NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM!!!!!!😁🤣


----------



## RandomDude

ConanHub said:


> Well, yes, penises do get old, BUT NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM!!!!!!😁🤣


They pop up as a topic just like penises do 😅


----------



## ConanHub

RandomDude said:


> They pop up as a topic just like penises do 😅


You are CatPun Ameowrica!

Now I really need to kill myself.... Or at least get some sleep!😁


----------



## farsidejunky

joannacroc said:


> Another date with the guy I hit it off with from a couple of weeks ago. I think it will likely remain casual but I do like him. His living space is clean but really chaotic (a lot of extra vehicles and random collections of stuff) and it just made me think I could not live like this, but if we are going to date casually for a bit I would like that as I enjoy his company. Have you ever met someone whose company you really like but who you both know it isn't a long-term fit? What did you do?
> 
> Will eventually have a conversation about what he is looking etc. for but that seems premature. Am hoping he wants something similar, as his company is restful and fun.


We had fun until it ran it's course. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> When Mrs. Conan met me, I was barely house trained 😋 and you don't even want to know about my housekeeping and neatness. She was, and still is, extremely neat, clean and orderly. Fortunately, I had other characteristics that kept her interested enough to stick it out.😎
> 
> I grew and adapted.😉


You were younger more malleable then though. 40+ folk are who they are.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> You were younger more malleable then though. 40+ folk are who they are.


That is true and I would have developed a bit regardless.

I will say that I'm still a slob at heart but I keep it a bit neater for my lady .


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> That is true and I would have developed a bit regardless.
> 
> I will say that I'm still a slob at heart but I keep it a bit neater for my lady .


I'll keep this in mind. Usually, I'm of the opinion people don't truly change. But I have noticed my bf makes an effort to be cleaner. The trouble is, it truly terrifies me to be in the position once more to have to be the one to do everything, because not doing it bothers me.


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> I'll keep this in mind. Usually, I'm of the opinion people don't truly change. But I have noticed my bf makes an effort to be cleaner. The trouble is, it truly terrifies me to be in the position once more to have to be the one to do everything, because not doing it bothers me.


I get that. Mrs. C and I both had our hard line discussions at different points in our relationship because we both were not willing to put up with any nonsense we'd experienced before.

I have been ready to walk a couple times instead of deal with an unacceptable situation and I'm positive she would leave if I ever started putting her through what her ex did. It would have broken our hearts but we would have done it.

I went ten years without touching a drop of alcohol because her ex was a raging alcoholic among other things. I've proven myself even though I didn't need to and she has made changes and/or reaffirmed her commitment to me as well.

BTW, I'm not offering anyone relationship advice here. I'm just sharing our data in case anyone can get anything useful from it.🙂


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I get that. Mrs. C and I both had our hard line discussions at different points in our relationship because we both were not willing to put up with any nonsense we'd experienced before.
> 
> I have been ready to walk a couple times instead of deal with an unacceptable situation and I'm positive she would leave if I ever started putting her through what her ex did. It would have broken our hearts but we would have done it.
> 
> I went ten years without touching a drop of alcohol because her ex was a raging alcoholic among other things. I've proven myself even though I didn't need to and she has made changes and/or reaffirmed her commitment to me as well.
> 
> BTW, I'm not offering anyone relationship advice here. I'm just sharing our data in case anyone can get anything useful from it.🙂


I'm glad for it, though, it's an insight as to how couples who make it work do it after tumultuous experiences. I know I've said many times I'm not interested in remarrying after my experience, but when I see the efforts my bf is making, and we talk about a future together, it does make me think maybe it could be different with him. We'll see though, I kind of want the impossible... togetherness but with the ability to run like the wind if I need to 😂


----------



## Faithful Wife

RebuildingMe said:


> I find the penis comments and threads amusing. Especially considering 90% of the male population is within an inch, high/low. It’s a none factor IMO and never once gave it a second thought. I’ve never once heard a woman, in a great relationship, say her dude was too small. It seems to me that every great guy has a huge winer.


Definitely some truth to this. Just like when a boob man is in a happy fulfilling relationship, he loves his woman’s boobs no matter what they look like. And lots of other examples of preferences that can take a back seat when something new or awesome is there. Like if your spouse gets chubby and you’re still having amazing sex, all of a sudden your preference for a more fit bod goes out the window.

If you’ve got great chemistry and sex with someone, then that person and all their attributes becomes your preference.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Definitely some truth to this. Just like when a boob man is in a happy fulfilling relationship, he loves his woman’s boobs no matter what they look like. And lots of other examples of preferences that can take a back seat when something new or awesome is there. Like if your spouse gets chubby and you’re still having amazing sex, all of a sudden your preference for a more fit bod goes out the window.
> 
> If you’ve got great chemistry and sex with someone, then that person and all their attributes becomes your preference.


Erm, yes and no, for me anyway. Due to romantic attraction I could draw sexual attraction from that.

But it was never going to be as raw as pure lust as if she was my sexual type.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Erm, yes and no, for me anyway. Due to romantic attraction I could draw sexual attraction from that.
> 
> But it was never going to be as raw as pure lust *as if she* was my sexual type.


Ok - how long did you get to have sex together? Was it mind blowing every time? Because if not, then what I'm saying doesn't apply here.

I totally agree with partners who I had "good" or even just "ok" sex with, their physical attributes did not over shadow my usual preferences. Especially if it was short lived.

If I had mind blowing sex for a good period of time with them, that's when my usual preferences started going out the window.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> You have loved and lost though yes?


That’s an interesting question in light of the fact that my relationships were so toxic. I don’t think love and lost really fits. Not when getting out of the relationship was more of a relief than it was painful. There was no pining for a lost love afterwards.

I wonder how others who had been in unhealthy relationships would answer.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> @Not You make me laugh. Every time you are giving up dating, you create a new profile! Good luck. You get an A+ for trying!!


It’s called internal battle between eff this **** and I know he’s out there somewhere lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok - how long did you get to have sex together?


The last one was four years. 



> Was it mind blowing every time? Because if not, then what I'm saying doesn't apply here.


Nope, I never ever had a partner where there's mind blowing sex each time, but definitely had mind blowing sex with them.



> I totally agree with partners who I had "good" or even just "ok" sex with, their physical attributes did not over shadow my usual preferences. Especially if it was short lived.
> If I had mind blowing sex for a good period of time with them, that's when my usual preferences started going out the window.


Maybe it's just me


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> That’s an interesting question in light of the fact that my relationships were so toxic. I don’t think love and lost really fits. Not when getting out of the relationship was more of a relief than it was painful. There was no pining for a lost love afterwards.
> 
> I wonder how others who had been in unhealthy relationships would answer.



Ok, then I take it back. Keep going, if that's what you want to experience.

There's two parts of two songs for me that describe it best what it feels like to have love and lost:

_Talk about our future, like we had a clue, never planned on one day I’d be losing you.
In another life... we’d keep all our promises, be us against the world 
"One that got away" - Katie Perry

Don't wanna feel another touch, don't wanna start another fire, don't wanna know another kiss
No other name fallin' off my lips, don't wanna give my heart away, to another stranger
Or let another day begin, won't even let the sunlight in, no, I'll never love again 
"Never love again" - Lady Gaga_

It's a full stop though, for me. It's not just my last ex it's my ex-wife. Even in my last relationship there was a part of me that I gave my ex-wife that I just couldn't give someone else. 
Now the parts I gave my last ex I also can't see myself giving another. It invokes too many memories too.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Nope, I never ever had a partner where there's mind blowing sex each time, but definitely had mind blowing sex with them.
> 
> Maybe it's just me


I’ve had 3 of them. I’m older than you so keep the faith. It’s amazing. I’m not talking about love necessarily but these 3 were exclusive and committed or somewhat committed relationships. One included love but the other 2 just got to the extremely fond and outrageously drawn to stage.

When It’s amazing every time, it’s really hard to give up or break up but sometimes that’s the best course of action. But the memories of the good times can help you through.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> I’ve had 3 of them. I’m older than you so keep the faith. It’s amazing. I’m not talking about love necessarily but these 3 were exclusive and committed or somewhat committed relationships. One included love but the other 2 just got to the extremely fond and outrageously drawn to stage.
> 
> When It’s amazing every time, it’s really hard to give up or break up but sometimes that’s the best course of action. But the memories of the good times can help you through.


I don't think it's a problem with them though, like, if I am to ALWAYS have mind-blowing sex there's too many unrealistic requirements, I need to be in the mood for once and that normally requires triggers/teases/effort on their part and sometimes they just need to orgasm get it out of the way so we can both carry on our day so I just do my duty lol

I just never had anyone that can shift my preferences. Actually, scratch that. Now that I think about...  it's been shifted long ago and it simply will no longer change. But it wasn't like mind blowing sex, it was just finding what I liked.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> I don't think it's a problem with them though, like, if I am to ALWAYS have mind-blowing sex there's too many unrealistic requirements, I need to be in the mood for once and that normally requires triggers/teases/effort on their part and sometimes they just need to orgasm get it out of the way so we can both carry on our day so I just do my duty lol
> 
> I just never had anyone that can shift my preferences. Actually, scratch that. Now that I think about...  it's been shifted long ago and it simply will no longer change. But it wasn't like mind blowing sex, it was just finding what I liked.


What you have described for what you require to have mind blowing sex every time doesn’t seem unreasonable to me at all. So if you do find one like that (entirely possible) you’ll see what I mean about it being hard to break up if you need to or you’ll get lucky and nab each other forever or for a very long time.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> What you have described for what you require to have mind blowing sex every time doesn’t seem unreasonable to me at all. So if you do find one like that (entirely possible) you’ll see what I mean about it being hard to break up if you need to or you’ll get lucky and nab each other forever or for a very long time.


Heh I doubt I can ever dare to expect such flawless consistency 😅 besides I'm happy to give pleasure to those I love even if I'm not in the mood for it.

You must have one hell of a picker if you can find three of these unicorns, I've yet to find one and I already consider them the best of women.


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Heh I doubt I can ever dare to expect such flawless consistency 😅 besides I'm happy to give pleasure to those I love even if I'm not in the mood for it.
> 
> You must have one hell of a picker if you can find three of these unicorns, I've yet to find one and I already consider them the best of women.


Self awareness and not moving forward with people who I didn’t have great sex with. Once I had one lover who was all that, it became super difficult to accept anything less. And I found out how to know as early as possible.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Self awareness and not moving forward with people who I didn’t have great sex with. Once I had one lover who was all that, it became super difficult to accept anything less. And I found out how to know as early as possible.


I've had great sex but maybe it's a guy thing, I don't think any guy out there can say they have mind blowing sex every single time with someone.
I don't know, I just can't fathom it. When sex is THAT good. Or maybe it's just me. Or maybe our standards for "mind blowing" is different.

Or maybe it's a gender thing - women do seem to enjoy sex a lot more after all with all that noise, thrashing about and spasms.
For us guys, it's just cocking the hammer, hammer strikes the pin and kaboom!


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> For us guys, it's just cocking the hammer, hammer strikes the pin and kaboom!


Well, not all guys. I have been with several who want to take a wonderful long time on things, and where the kaboom is not the goal or the most interesting part. I don't think it is a universal experience for men or women.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> Well, not all guys. I have been with several who want to take a wonderful long time on things, and where the kaboom is not the goal or the most interesting part. I don't think it is a universal experience for men or women.


Teasing is the best part for me 😊

Orgasms were the best part for them 🙄


----------



## Not

I always hate when I see someone I know on one of these dating apps. It feels like such an invasion of privacy for me but I know it can't be avoided. Last night I saw my ex husbands best friend show up on a list of single men in my area on my app and I about pooped my pants. I immediately blocked his profile. Too late. He sent me a message on FB Messenger this morning, which I'm refusing to open but will eventually have too. 

I didn't know he was getting divorced. Not surprised. He cheated on his first wife for this second wife who hated me and didn't even know me. I was never formally introduced to her but would run into the two of them together at the grocery store every once in a blue moon and she'd shoot daggers at me with her looks. She acted like an idiot each time. Scored major brownie points with me let me tell you. 

He's going to want to talk, I know it. I've known him for 30 years and we're supposed to be friends but I don't want anything to do with this. Bah humbug.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I always hate when I see someone I know on one of these dating apps. It feels like such an invasion of privacy for me but I know it can't be avoided. Last night I saw my ex husbands best friend show up on a list of single men in my area on my app and I about pooped my pants. I immediately blocked his profile. Too late. He sent me a message on FB Messenger this morning, which I'm refusing to open but will eventually have too.
> 
> I didn't know he was getting divorced. Not surprised. He cheated on his first wife for this second wife who hated me and didn't even know me. I was never formally introduced to her but would run into the two of them together at the grocery store every once in a blue moon and she'd shoot daggers at me with her looks. She acted like an idiot each time. Scored major brownie points with me let me tell you.
> 
> He's going to want to talk, I know it. I've known him for 30 years and we're supposed to be friends but I don't want anything to do with this. Bah humbug.


Lol just don't respond.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I always hate when I see someone I know on one of these dating apps. It feels like such an invasion of privacy for me but I know it can't be avoided. Last night I saw my ex husbands best friend show up on a list of single men in my area on my app and I about pooped my pants. I immediately blocked his profile. Too late. He sent me a message on FB Messenger this morning, which I'm refusing to open but will eventually have too.
> 
> I didn't know he was getting divorced. Not surprised. He cheated on his first wife for this second wife who hated me and didn't even know me. I was never formally introduced to her but would run into the two of them together at the grocery store every once in a blue moon and she'd shoot daggers at me with her looks. She acted like an idiot each time. Scored major brownie points with me let me tell you.
> 
> He's going to want to talk, I know it. I've known him for 30 years and we're supposed to be friends but I don't want anything to do with this. Bah humbug.


He doesn't sound great, why bother to talk to him?



RandomDude said:


> Lol just don't respond.


Exactly!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> He doesn't sound great, why bother to talk to him?
> 
> 
> Exactly!


So cool to be INTJ sometimes 😅


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> I always hate when I see someone I know on one of these dating apps. It feels like such an invasion of privacy for me but I know it can't be avoided. Last night I saw my ex husbands best friend show up on a list of single men in my area on my app and I about pooped my pants. I immediately blocked his profile. Too late. He sent me a message on FB Messenger this morning, which I'm refusing to open but will eventually have too.
> 
> I didn't know he was getting divorced. Not surprised. He cheated on his first wife for this second wife who hated me and didn't even know me. I was never formally introduced to her but would run into the two of them together at the grocery store every once in a blue moon and she'd shoot daggers at me with her looks. She acted like an idiot each time. Scored major brownie points with me let me tell you.
> 
> He's going to want to talk, I know it. I've known him for 30 years and we're supposed to be friends but I don't want anything to do with this. Bah humbug.


LoL! Just be blunt. Don't do a conversation, send him a statement and expect him to leave you alone.


----------



## Not

That's what I'm leaning toward. I am still a part of my exes family in that we all still keep in contact and he's a family friend who's always been in the picture so sort of a family member of sorts.


----------



## jlg07

NOT, I would read what he has to say, and if he is interested, just tell it would be too weird, etc. etc.. No need to make a big deal of it.


----------



## Not

His boobs are bigger than mine so maybe I'll just casually mention that.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> He's going to want to talk, I know it. I've known him for 30 years and we're supposed to be friends but I don't want anything to do with this. Bah humbug.



I've had this happen to me and all I did was move the conversation away from dating apps and dating in general to more neutral conversations about family or friends. Ask him about his kids or his parents health or his job, anything far from dating or his ex wives.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> His boobs are bigger than mine so maybe I'll just casually mention that.


Winner!😎


----------



## RandomDude

jlg07 said:


> NOT, I would read what he has to say, and if he is interested, just tell it would be too weird, etc. etc.. No need to make a big deal of it.


Ergh, but then it'll show up as "read" 😑

If curious, read from notifications bar


----------



## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> Winner!😎


Chicken dinner!

That's in my top 5 list of deal breakers.....boobs can't be bigger then mine 

"No toupees" was added 4 years ago... .


----------



## jlg07

Maybe you could get some good bra....umm Manzier tips???


----------



## Not

jlg07 said:


> NOT, I would read what he has to say, and if he is interested, just tell it would be too weird, etc. etc.. No need to make a big deal of it.


I'll admit I'm curious about his divorce. Lila's advice to keep it family focused is good. I just don't want a new texting buddy.


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> Winner!😎


I'm just being a smartass. It is true though lol!


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I'll admit I'm curious about his divorce. Lila's advice to keep it family focused is good. I just don't want a new texting buddy.


Curiosity killed the kitty!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I'm just being a smartass. It is true though lol!


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Curiosity killed the kitty!


Suddenly he takes up her next 20 posts 😅


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Suddenly he takes up her next 20 posts 😅


Not quite. I don't think something like this happens to people on these apps very often though. I didn't like it at all.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Not quite. I don't think something like this happens to people on these apps very often though. I didn't like it at all.


I live in the big city yet it happens to me too, I block immediately and never had them msg on fb about it though. Lol


----------



## Lila

I'm fighting the flu and my threshold for bulls*** is lower than the normal, very low threshold. 

Remember my goodie two shoes friend who asked to give my opinion on "angry dude"..... well a while back she asked me to introduce her to any male friends who are traditional, Christian men of means with older or no kids. My good guy friend has a friend that fits the bill. I organize a group dinner for them to meet and the guy is charismatic, generous, attractive, funny - hell if I was his type and Pogo wasn't in the picture, I'd be interested. 

After the initial meet, she tells me she's not sure she's attracted but agrees to give him a shot. They go on a very (very) nice date after which she tells me "his lips are too thin" and proceeds to tell me about a younger guy she met that weekend who lives 180 miles away and has baby momma drama to include a restraining order due to a physical altercation. On the other hand, my friend's friend is completely smitten with her even though, according to him, she only talked about her exes and previous dating experiences.... But she's hot and skinny 🙄. 

And this is exactly why dating is such a **** show. I am pissed at both of them.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> I'm fighting the flu and my threshold for bulls*** is lower than the normal, very low threshold.
> 
> Remember my goodie two shoes friend who asked to give my opinion on "angry dude"..... well a while back she asked me to introduce her to any male friends who are traditional, Christian men of means with older or no kids. My good guy friend has a friend that fits the bill. I organize a group dinner for them to meet and the guy is charismatic, generous, attractive, funny - hell if I was his type and Pogo wasn't in the picture, I'd be interested.
> 
> After the initial meet, she tells me she's not sure she's attracted but agrees to give him a shot. They go on a very (very) nice date after which she tells me "his lips are too thin" and proceeds to tell me about a younger guy she met that weekend who lives 180 miles away and has baby momma drama to include a restraining order due to a physical altercation. On the other hand, my friend's friend is completely smitten with her even though, according to him, she only talked about her exes and previous dating experiences.... But she's hot and skinny 🙄.
> 
> And this is exactly why dating is such a **** show. I am pissed at both of them.


Good God! They're both so dumb! I wouldn't want to hear any sob stories from either of them after that.


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> Good God! They're both so dumb! I wouldn't want to hear any sob stories from either of them after that.


Yep. Can so relate to Red right now.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> Yep. Can so relate to Red right now.


I swear people are their own worst enemies at times. I know I can get in my own way, and it is hard to see it. But goodness, can't ether of them see themselves? Drama Mama and Shallow Hal? Sheesh.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> I'm fighting the flu and my threshold for bulls*** is lower than the normal, very low threshold.
> 
> Remember my goodie two shoes friend who asked to give my opinion on "angry dude"..... well a while back she asked me to introduce her to any male friends who are traditional, Christian men of means with older or no kids. My good guy friend has a friend that fits the bill. I organize a group dinner for them to meet and the guy is charismatic, generous, attractive, funny - hell if I was his type and Pogo wasn't in the picture, I'd be interested.
> 
> After the initial meet, she tells me she's not sure she's attracted but agrees to give him a shot. They go on a very (very) nice date after which she tells me "his lips are too thin" and proceeds to tell me about a younger guy she met that weekend who lives 180 miles away and has baby momma drama to include a restraining order due to a physical altercation. On the other hand, my friend's friend is completely smitten with her even though, according to him, she only talked about her exes and previous dating experiences.... But she's hot and skinny 🙄.
> 
> And this is exactly why dating is such a **** show. I am pissed at both of them.


And I'm laughing at both of them!🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Lila

TXTrini said:


> I swear people are their own worst enemies at times. I know I can get in my own way, and it is hard to see it. But goodness, can't ether of them see themselves? Drama Mama and Shallow Hal? Sheesh.


Now I am doubting every dating story she's told me. I always sympathized with her because dating is tough but now that I think back on it, she is looking for something that doesn't exist.... The smoking hot bad boy, who happens to have lots of money, great career, but is also Christian, faithful, and traditional (wants a man to chase her, take care of her, give her gifts). She's my age 🙄


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> I'm fighting the flu and my threshold for bulls*** is lower than the normal, very low threshold.
> 
> Remember my goodie two shoes friend who asked to give my opinion on "angry dude"..... well a while back she asked me to introduce her to any male friends who are traditional, Christian men of means with older or no kids. My good guy friend has a friend that fits the bill. I organize a group dinner for them to meet and the guy is charismatic, generous, attractive, funny - hell if I was his type and Pogo wasn't in the picture, I'd be interested.
> 
> After the initial meet, she tells me she's not sure she's attracted but agrees to give him a shot. They go on a very (very) nice date after which she tells me "his lips are too thin" and proceeds to tell me about a younger guy she met that weekend who lives 180 miles away and has baby momma drama to include a restraining order due to a physical altercation. On the other hand, my friend's friend is completely smitten with her even though, according to him, she only talked about her exes and previous dating experiences.... But she's hot and skinny 🙄.
> 
> And this is exactly why dating is such a **** show. I am pissed at both of them.


I feel you. I tried to help set up a friend of mine's sister with a divorced work friend. Friend's sister is 53 and widowed.....he's 59 and divorced. I know him really well....IT guy with a quirky sense of humor. He obviously has a good job, no animosity with his ex, 2 grown kids (one is mentally handicapped but he goes between his parents and from what I can see isn't too much trouble). He's in pretty good shape, works out regularly.....not Hercules as he's 59 but decent shape. 6'2.....decent sized build.

She moans and groans about how she just wants a nice guy to settle with. Husband passed away and left a ton of life insurance so she doesn't need money.

So I, with her permission, pass on her number and he calls her. They have a ton in common.....went to the same college, like the same sports teams, same religion....he says he'd like to meet her even if it's just a friendly chat because they have so much in common. He and I are friends and chat sometimes.

So what does she do? Blows him off because he "looks old" and bar hops looking for a younger guy. She does look pretty good but still looks to be in her 50's and imagines she looks all kinds of younger. She has a few guys around at once and freely gives it up "on the down low" because she's so cool but then can't understand why nobody wants anything serious with her.

I told my friend he dodged a bullet.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> Now I am doubting every dating story she's told me. I always sympathized with her because dating is tough but now that I think back on it, she is looking for something that doesn't exist.... *The smoking hot bad boy, who happens to have lots of money, great career, but is also Christian, faithful, and traditional (wants a man to chase her, take care of her, give her gifts). *She's my age 🙄


You forgot, wants to get married. That’s called a fake profile. See ‘em all the time lol!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> I've had great sex but maybe it's a guy thing, I don't think any guy out there can say they have mind blowing sex every single time with someone.
> I don't know, I just can't fathom it. When sex is THAT good. Or maybe it's just me. Or maybe our standards for "mind blowing" is different.
> 
> Or maybe it's a gender thing - women do seem to enjoy sex a lot more after all with all that noise, thrashing about and spasms.
> For us guys, it's just cocking the hammer, hammer strikes the pin and kaboom!


Oh, great, now I'm going to be thinking about this

Marvin Martian - Wheres the Kaboom? - YouTube


----------



## Lila

lifeistooshort said:


> I feel you. I tried to help set up a friend of mine's sister with a divorced work friend. Friend's sister is 53 and widowed.....he's 59 and divorced. I know him really well....IT guy with a quirky sense of humor. He obviously has a good job, no animosity with his ex, 2 grown kids (one is mentally handicapped but he goes between his parents and from what I can see isn't too much trouble). He's in pretty good shape, works out regularly.....not Hercules as he's 59 but decent shape. 6'2.....decent sized build.
> 
> She moans and groans about how she just wants a nice guy to settle with. Husband passed away and left a ton of life insurance so she doesn't need money.
> 
> So I, with her permission, pass on her number and he calls her. They have a ton in common.....went to the same college, like the same sports teams, same religion....he says he'd like to meet her even if it's just a friendly chat because they have so much in common. He and I are friends and chat sometimes.
> 
> So what does she do? Blows him off because he "looks old" and bar hops looking for a younger guy. She does look pretty good but still looks to be in her 50's and imagines she looks all kinds of younger. She has a few guys around at once and freely gives it up "on the down low" because she's so cool but then can't understand why nobody wants anything serious with her.
> 
> I told my friend he dodged a bullet.


"_She moans and groans about how she just wants a nice guy to settle with_."

That's why I'm pissed at my friend. It's not that my friend wants the wealthy, bad boy, attractive, Christian, good guy. We're all entitled to our preferences. It's that she only tells people she's looking for a good guy but leaves out the rest. It's like saying she wants a reliable, sturdy car but she's really only interested in a Mercedes S-Class with all of the extras. Big difference. 

I wouldn't have introduced her to my friend's friend if she had told me she was looking for a hot, bad boy type. That's not him. It was all a waste of time.


----------



## Livvie

Lila said:


> I'm fighting the flu and my threshold for bulls*** is lower than the normal, very low threshold.
> 
> Remember my goodie two shoes friend who asked to give my opinion on "angry dude"..... well a while back she asked me to introduce her to any male friends who are traditional, Christian men of means with older or no kids. My good guy friend has a friend that fits the bill. I organize a group dinner for them to meet and the guy is charismatic, generous, attractive, funny - hell if I was his type and Pogo wasn't in the picture, I'd be interested.
> 
> After the initial meet, she tells me she's not sure she's attracted but agrees to give him a shot. They go on a very (very) nice date after which she tells me "his lips are too thin" and proceeds to tell me about a younger guy she met that weekend who lives 180 miles away and has baby momma drama to include a restraining order due to a physical altercation. On the other hand, my friend's friend is completely smitten with her even though, according to him, she only talked about her exes and previous dating experiences.... But she's hot and skinny 🙄.
> 
> And this is exactly why dating is such a **** show. I am pissed at both of them.


Omg, his lips were too thin? Wow. I'm wondering, is she perfect? Is she THAT attractive that she's physically perfect?


----------



## 2&out

Lila said:


> "_She moans and groans about how she just wants a nice guy to settle with_."
> 
> That's why I'm pissed at my friend. It's not that my friend wants the wealthy, bad boy, attractive, Christian, good guy. We're all entitled to our preferences. It's that she only tells people she's looking for a good guy but leaves out the rest. It's like saying she wants a reliable, sturdy car but she's really only interested in a Mercedes S-Class with all of the extras. Big difference.
> 
> I wouldn't have introduced her to my friend's friend if she had told me she was looking for a hot, bad boy type. That's not him. It was all a waste of time.


Like your example. Especially because if someone wants reliable a Mercedes S class very likely isn't a great choice. They are pretty sweet but have a rather poor reliability rating/record.


----------



## Lila

Livvie said:


> Omg, his lips were too thin? Wow. I'm wondering, is she perfect? Is she THAT attractive that she's physically perfect?


She's not perfect but by most accounts, she's very attractive, especially considering she looks 10 years younger. She's well above average looking. 

My friend said that if it didn't work with his friend, he was going to ask her out. 🙄.


----------



## SunCMars

lifeistooshort said:


> I feel you. I tried to help set up a friend of mine's sister with a divorced work friend. Friend's sister is 53 and widowed.....he's 59 and divorced. I know him really well....IT guy with a quirky sense of humor. He obviously has a good job, no animosity with his ex, 2 grown kids (one is mentally handicapped but he goes between his parents and from what I can see isn't too much trouble). He's in pretty good shape, works out regularly.....not Hercules as he's 59 but decent shape. 6'2.....decent sized build.
> 
> She moans and groans about how she just wants a nice guy to settle with. Husband passed away and left a ton of life insurance so she doesn't need money.
> 
> So I, with her permission, pass on her number and he calls her. They have a ton in common.....went to the same college, like the same sports teams, same religion....he says he'd like to meet her even if it's just a friendly chat because they have so much in common. He and I are friends and chat sometimes.
> 
> So what does she do? Blows him off because he "looks old" and bar hops looking for a younger guy. She does look pretty good but still looks to be in her 50's and imagines she looks all kinds of younger. She has a few guys around at once and freely gives it up "on the down low" because she's so cool but then can't understand why nobody wants anything serious with her.
> 
> I told my friend he dodged a bullet.


Bless you, for trying.

The divorced friend (seems) like he and she are on different paths.
Yet, the one path they might both enjoy, is having a younger partner?


As to, the friends sister?

She is enjoying life.
She is living in the moment.
Today is promised, tomorrow is not.
She likely did not feel the chemistry _with this divorced man._
If true, than that is OK.

For her, all is good, and will be good, until she reaches that older age, when her choices will be less and less appealing.
That is a real worry.

Many of us pass up a good opportunity, a good partner prospect, in search for one better.

Life, often teaches us, that decisions like this, could be future, rue-worthy, a mistake.

........................................................................................................

Being curious I would wonder why this particular man ended up divorced. 
What are the circumstances; is it he, that has issues?

He may be bland, having no heat?


----------



## Lila

2&out said:


> Like your example. Especially because if someone wants reliable a Mercedes S class very likely isn't a great choice. They are pretty sweet but have a rather poor reliability rating/record.


There are pros and cons to everything. The Mercedes S class is a fabulously luxurious vehicle they handles like a dream... But has low reliability and is grossly expensive. For some the negatives are worth the positives.


----------



## SunCMars

Most singles are mindful, and desirous of being a couple.

Some who are coupled, are desirous of being single, so that they can re-couple.

A happy couple meshes perfectly, from head to toe.
That toe-to-toe, that lip to lip, that stick to slip, in bed.

Out of bed, their compatibility, must rub well, together.


----------



## lifeistooshort

SunCMars said:


> Bless you, for trying.
> 
> The divorced friend (seems) like he and she are on different paths.
> Yet, the one path they might both enjoy, is having a younger partner?
> 
> 
> As to, the friends sister?
> 
> She is enjoying life.
> She is living in the moment.
> Today is promised, tomorrow is not.
> She likely did not feel the chemistry _with this divorced man._
> If true, than that is OK.
> 
> For her, all is good, and will be good, until she reaches that older age, when her choices will be less and less appealing.
> That is a real worry.
> 
> Many of us pass up a good opportunity, a good partner prospect, in search for one better.
> 
> Life, often teaches us, that decisions like this, could be future, rue-worthy, a mistake.
> 
> ........................................................................................................
> 
> Being curious I would wonder why this particular man ended up divorced.
> What are the circumstances; is it he, that has issues?
> 
> He may be bland, having no heat?


He is interested in someone close to his age. He was fine with 53 but would not care for much younger.

As for chemistry she wouldn't know as she did not meet him in person. She saw a picture.

Whatever, she's free to barhop and keep telling herself a much younger guy will want something serious with her.


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> She's not perfect but by most accounts, she's very attractive, especially considering she looks 10 years younger. She's well above average looking.
> 
> My friend said that if it didn't work with his friend, he was going to ask her out. 🙄.


Even though he knows about her?


----------



## lifeistooshort

SunCMars said:


> Bless you, for trying.
> 
> The divorced friend (seems) like he and she are on different paths.
> Yet, the one path they might both enjoy, is having a younger partner?
> 
> 
> As to, the friends sister?
> 
> She is enjoying life.
> She is living in the moment.
> Today is promised, tomorrow is not.
> She likely did not feel the chemistry _with this divorced man._
> If true, than that is OK.
> 
> For her, all is good, and will be good, until she reaches that older age, when her choices will be less and less appealing.
> That is a real worry.
> 
> Many of us pass up a good opportunity, a good partner prospect, in search for one better.
> 
> Life, often teaches us, that decisions like this, could be future, rue-worthy, a mistake.
> 
> ........................................................................................................
> 
> Being curious I would wonder why this particular man ended up divorced.
> What are the circumstances; is it he, that has issues?
> 
> He may be bland, having no heat?


I can tell you as I know him well. He was married for 27 years and they pretty much grew apart. She refused to work, which I know he was unhappy with, and they developed completely separate hobbies and lives. The last 10 years were to get the kids grown......nobody cheated and they parted amicably. They came to a mutual agreement and he never speaks poorly of her....he will on occasion mention issues that they had but he never puts her down.

Pretty drama free.


----------



## Not

Soooo, if anyone is curious lol! I finally did read and respond to the family friend and turns out his wife had been cheating. For 18 months. When he met her he was teaching at a local community college and she was a student. She was early 20's and he late 30's. He left wife #1 for her and now karma has swung back around and whopped him right in the ass. 51 years old, 5 kids now, two of them in early elementary school. Also, overweight and now swimming in debt from the divorce. Don't feel sorry for him one bit. Those poor kids though, my heart breaks for them.

The conversation didn't last long. He's new to OLD and I told him, very bluntly, he's going to have trouble. He didn't like hearing that and ended the conversation. I don't think I'll hear back again.


----------



## SunCMars

Not said:


> Soooo, if anyone is curious lol! I finally did read and respond to the family friend and turns out his wife had been cheating. For 18 months. When he met her he was teaching at a local community college and she was a student. She was early 20's and he late 30's. He left wife #1 for her and now karma has swung back around and whopped him right in the ass. 51 years old, 5 kids now, two of them in early elementary school. Also, overweight and now swimming in debt from the divorce. Don't feel sorry for him one bit. Those poor kids though, my heart breaks for them.
> 
> The conversation didn't last long. He's new to OLD and I told him, very bluntly, he's going to have trouble. He didn't like hearing that and ended the conversation. I don't think I'll hear back again.


Many thought highly of themselves, while young.

That high, often rounds itself out, lower, when one gets older.
People get round, then get roundly rejected!

Our day in the sun, never lasts long, certainly, not forever.

What made us desirable and tan before, soon leads to wrinkles.
Wrinkles, that can become those irreconcilable character traits.

The ugly inside, at last, showing through.


----------



## Not

^^^^^The ugly inside, indeed, finally showing through.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> Soooo, if anyone is curious lol! I finally did read and respond to the family friend and turns out his wife had been cheating. For 18 months. When he met her he was teaching at a local community college and she was a student. She was early 20's and he late 30's. He left wife #1 for her and now karma has swung back around and whopped him right in the ass. 51 years old, 5 kids now, two of them in early elementary school. Also, overweight and now swimming in debt from the divorce. Don't feel sorry for him one bit. Those poor kids though, my heart breaks for them.
> 
> The conversation didn't last long. He's new to OLD and I told him, very bluntly, he's going to have trouble. He didn't like hearing that and ended the conversation. I don't think I'll hear back again.


Why is he going to have trouble on OLD?

do you suspect he won’t be able to handle the trenches? 😂


hell….. not sure if I will be able to!


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> 51 years old, 5 kids now, two of them in early elementary school. Also, overweight and now swimming in debt from the divorce


Most age appropriate women.....


----------



## LATERILUS79

Lila said:


> Most age appropriate women.....


Curious - I am 43. I have two grade school age children. Does that knock me out of the dating pool?


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> Curious - I am 43. I have two grade school age children. Does that knock me out of the dating pool?


There are lots of separated/divorced women with young children at home, so you could have even more fun with double the kids in tow...


----------



## LATERILUS79

In Absentia said:


> There are lots of separated/divorced women with young children at home, so you could have even more fun with double the kids in tow...


I do appreciate your optimism on this.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> Why is he going to have trouble on OLD?
> 
> do you suspect he won’t be able to handle the trenches? 😂
> 
> 
> hell….. not sure if I will be able to!



Because of everything I listed AND he's a cheater. Dude doesn't stand a chance.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> Curious - I am 43. I have two grade school age children. Does that knock me out of the dating pool?


There's a HUGE difference between 43 with TWO grade school kids and 51 with FIVE kids, 2 of which are early elementary school age. 

At 43, +/- 5 years puts you in the 38-48 year dating bracket. Plenty of single women with grade school aged kids on that range. 

At 51, +/- 5 years puts him in the 46-56 year dating bracket. Less women with grade school aged kids in that range, and if they do have young children it's probably because they had kids late in life (typically because they built their careers up before having kids). They aren't looking for a broke man with young kids.

He didn't pay attention in class when the teacher said "get the vasectomy before you play with young and hot".


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> I do appreciate your optimism on this.


Do I detect a touch of sarcasm?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Lila said:


> There's a HUGE difference between 43 with TWO grade school kids and 51 with FIVE kids, 2 of which are early elementary school age.
> 
> At 43, +/- 5 years puts you in the 38-48 year dating bracket. Plenty of single women with grade school aged kids on that range.
> 
> At 51, +/- 5 years puts him in the 46-56 year dating bracket. Less women with grade school aged kids in that range, and if they do have young children it's probably because they had kids late in life (typically because they built their careers up before having kids). They aren't looking for a broke man with young kids.
> 
> He didn't pay attention in class when the teacher said "get the vasectomy before you play with young and hot".


Agreed. Young kids are a deal breaker for me but a 43 year old guy with young kids might not want 48 year old me anyway 😀

I want men between 48 and 58 so wth are those guys doing with young kids?


----------



## Lila

lifeistooshort said:


> Agreed. Young kids are a deal breaker for me but a 43 year old guy with young kids might not want 48 year old me anyway 😀
> 
> I want men between 48 and 58 so wth are those guys doing with young kids?


48 now. My age range has, for the most part, been +/-5 years. I learned quickly not to assume that the older guys didn't have young kids. I seem to be a magnet for them. I must give off a vibe like "yes, I like little kids", meanwhile I'm living the theme song from Chariots of Fire as I run to the finish line with my kid.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Curious - I am 43. I have two grade school age children. Does that knock me out of the dating pool?


For some, yes. I avoided men with kids who weren't almost grown, but I have no children ot the desire to be an acting stepmother. It will depend on the woman and her lifestyle/lifestage.


----------



## SunCMars

A good man, a good lady with children...........
Hmm.

It is a shame that many of those diamonds, are not valued.

A diamond is a gem, even with young kids and their snotty hands all over it.

That snot, that situation, clears up with time.

Once cleared, the would be suitor (might be) found down the road with a childless, 2d hand, just average, frump.

While, he or she, the one passed over, stands out, clearly dazzling!


The moral, here?

Look, and choose carefully, those you reject, or take up into your shell.


----------



## TXTrini

SunCMars said:


> A good man, a good lady with children...........
> Hmm.
> 
> It is a shame that many of those diamonds, are not valued.
> 
> A diamond is a gem, even with young kids and their snotty hands all over it.
> 
> That snot, that situation, clears up with time.
> 
> Once cleared, the would be suitor (might be) found down the road with a childless, 2d hand, just average, frump.
> 
> While, he or she, the one passed over, stands out, clearly dazzling!
> 
> 
> The moral, here?
> 
> Look, and choose carefully, those you reject, or take up into your shell.


Thanks a lot... 

It's interesting men can say whatever they want about single mothers, but let a woman say something similar about a man and their egos can't take it.


----------



## Faithful Wife

SunCMars said:


> A good man, a good lady with children...........
> Hmm.
> 
> It is a shame that many of those diamonds, are not valued.
> 
> A diamond is a gem, even with young kids and their snotty hands all over it.
> 
> That snot, that situation, clears up with time.
> 
> Once cleared, the would be suitor (might be) found down the road with a childless, 2d hand, just average, frump.
> 
> While, he or she, the one passed over, stands out, clearly dazzling!
> 
> 
> The moral, here?
> 
> Look, and choose carefully, those you reject, or take up into your shell.


I know you like to drop whimsical stuff here and there. But no one said that someone with little kids isn't a gem, a good partner, or a great person. We are saying that our lifestyles don't have room for little kids anymore. There are plenty of single moms and dads with kids at the same age who want to date each other. We definitely should not drop our preferences and lifestyle choices just to "give a chance" to someone with little kids. First off, it isn't fair to the kids! They don't deserve to have mom or dad be around someone who doesn't want to spend their time doing kid friendly things. And secondly, dating isn't a pageant where someone gets crowned for all of their dazzling, standing out, gem-like attributes. It is about compatibility between two people. Not wanting to date someone who is in a different time in their life with their kids is not rejection. And I don't understand the doom and gloom you're projecting. Have you dated any time in the last couple of decades?


----------



## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> I know you like to drop whimsical stuff here and there. But no one said that someone with little kids isn't a gem, a good partner, or a great person. We are saying that our lifestyles don't have room for little kids anymore. There are plenty of single moms and dads with kids at the same age who want to date each other. We definitely should not drop our preferences and lifestyle choices just to "give a chance" to someone with little kids. First off, it isn't fair to the kids! They don't deserve to have mom or dad be around someone who doesn't want to spend their time doing kid friendly things. And secondly, dating isn't a pageant where someone gets crowned for all of their dazzling, standing out, gem-like attributes. It is about compatibility between two people. Not wanting to date someone who is in a different time in their life with their kids is not rejection. And I don't understand the doom and gloom you're projecting. Have you dated any time in the last couple of decades?


I had a whole post written out but you said it better. Excellent post


----------



## SunCMars

Faithful Wife said:


> I know you like to drop whimsical stuff here and there. But no one said that someone with little kids isn't a gem, a good partner, or a great person. We are saying that our lifestyles don't have room for little kids anymore. There are plenty of single moms and dads with kids at the same age who want to date each other. We definitely should not drop our preferences and lifestyle choices just to "give a chance" to someone with little kids. First off, it isn't fair to the kids! They don't deserve to have mom or dad be around someone who doesn't want to spend their time doing kid friendly things. And secondly, dating isn't a pageant where someone gets crowned for all of their dazzling, standing out, gem-like attributes. It is about compatibility between two people. Not wanting to date someone who is in a different time in their life with their kids is not rejection. And I don't understand the doom and gloom you're projecting. Have you dated any time in the last couple of decades?


Fair enough!

I engage everyone on TAM, I call that online dating.
I sense you are politely chasing me away!

Mine, is just another opinion.

To make my opinions stand out, I fertilize them with wit, some dark pepper, and a little Viagra.

I am only here in this Forum, because the others are presently, thread-bare.
I cannot get, happily into them.

So many on TAM seem desperate to write, to scare, to give others that flight, fight, or fright.
I enjoy, this exercising of my mind.

When my Avatar goes silent, I am flitting about, chasing and dating my dreams.

Hmm.


----------



## Lila

ConanHub said:


> Even though he knows about her?


Yes. She's a hot, thin woman who happens to be nice. It's been my experience that for most men, that's enough. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## Faithful Wife

SunCMars said:


> I sense you are politely chasing me away!


Absolutely not. The question I asked was genuine. No one minds hearing your opinion, it can be quite fun. But when you make ominous projections about how some will end up alone and sad because they didn't pick a small-child-having potential date, then I'm asking you - what is your recent dating experience? Have you dated someone with small children recently? 

I mean, I'm not going to join a thread where people are talking about fitness or weight lifting and start going off on how you're gonna DIE A BIG OLD FATTIE if you don't get on this fitness chain right now. Especially since I don't regularly work out and the people in such a thread probably do. I have no relevant experience to share so just pointing out how if others don't do it right they are going to suffer would be weird.

But by all means, share your opinion anyway....we do enjoy it. I just wonder sometimes why you try to shame or blame people on some of this stuff.


----------



## Livvie

LATERILUS79 said:


> Curious - I am 43. I have two grade school age children. Does that knock me out of the dating pool?


No. It's pretty normal, average, regular, to have grade school aged children at your age. 

The other person, the guy with young children in his _50s_, that's a horse of a different color!!


----------



## SunCMars

Faithful Wife said:


> Absolutely not. The question I asked was genuine. No one minds hearing your opinion, it can be quite fun. But when you make ominous projections about how some will end up alone and sad because they didn't pick a small-child-having potential date, then I'm asking you - what is your recent dating experience? Have you dated someone with small children recently?
> 
> I mean, I'm not going to join a thread where people are talking about fitness or weight lifting and start going off on how you're gonna DIE A BIG OLD FATTIE if you don't get on this fitness chain right now. Especially since I don't regularly work out and the people in such a thread probably do. I have no relevant experience to share so just pointing out how if others don't do it right they are going to suffer would be weird.
> 
> But by all means, share your opinion anyway....we do enjoy it. I just wonder sometimes why you try to shame or blame people on some of this stuff.


Thanks.

Mea Culpa, any blaming is my caustic_ Scorpio Moon_ speaking.

Some shame needs delivering.
Especially, that reflected back at me!

Ah' no, rather, sometimes, it is fun to play the _Devil's Advocate._

Which, I excel at! 

My Queen is presently raising _Cain_ down there.

....................................................................

I really enjoy working out, always have, though, rarely discus it.
Discus or cuss it.

..................................................................

_Genuine_ is good.
Most on TAM seem genuine.


----------



## LATERILUS79

In Absentia said:


> Do I detect a touch of sarcasm?


Typically yes but not this time.


----------



## TXTrini

SunCMars said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Mea Culpa, any blaming is my caustic_ Scorpio Moon_ speaking.
> 
> Some shame needs delivering.
> Especially, that reflected back at me!
> 
> Ah' no, rather, sometimes, it is fun to play the _Devil's Advocate._
> 
> Which, I excel at!
> 
> My Queen is presently raising _Cain_ down there.
> 
> ....................................................................
> 
> I really enjoy working out, always have, though, rarely discus it.
> Discus or cuss it.
> 
> ..................................................................
> 
> _Genuine_ is good.
> Most on TAM seem genuine.


Ha! Sometimes I think you hide behind your prose and alter egos to avoid negative backlash, despite feeling free to dole it out. Anyways, you do you...


----------



## ConanHub

Lila said:


> Yes. She's a hot, thin woman who happens to be nice. It's been my experience that for most men, that's enough. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## In Absentia

LATERILUS79 said:


> Typically yes but not this time.


Glad to hear that…


----------



## In Absentia

Lila said:


> Yes. She's a hot, thin woman who happens to be nice. It's been my experience that for most men, that's enough. 🤷‍♀️


Uh… I’m glad I’m not most men…


----------



## Not

I called it! FWB dude texted this afternoon. 😁

I like that I’m on his mind. He really is a good looking guy dammit! BUT, I stuck to my guns. Told him to keep my number and contact me when his schedule opens up.

That text got me a bit too excited, had a big ole smile on my face. It was nice to feel that little rush. Miss those little things.


----------



## Lila

In Absentia said:


> Uh… I’m glad I’m not most men…


Don't ever change that about yourself. You'll be happier in the long run.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> I called it! FWB dude texted this afternoon. 😁
> 
> I like that I’m on his mind. He really is a good looking guy dammit! BUT, I stuck to my guns. Told him to keep my number and contact me when his schedule opens up.
> 
> That text got me a bit too excited, had a big ole smile on my face. It was nice to feel that little rush. Miss those little things.


How did he respond to your response?


----------



## Not

He only responded with the word OK in regards to me telling him to keep my number but that’s because I told him I couldn’t talk anymore. I was working, so having a conversation right then and there was not possible. He knows the drill with my job.

Kind of sucks because I wanted to hear what he had to say. So now I wait.


----------



## ConanHub

Not said:


> He only responded with the word OK in regards to me telling him to keep my number but that’s because I told him I couldn’t talk anymore. I was working, so having a conversation right then and there was not possible. He knows the drill with my job.
> 
> Kind of sucks because I wanted to hear what he had to say. So now I wait.


Go on about your business and let him consider your requirements. 

I'll be looking back possibly in January and I hope you have good results. Gotta go do something.😉

Be healthy everyone and merry Christmas!


----------



## Not

ConanHub said:


> Go on about your business and let him consider your requirements.
> 
> I'll be looking back possibly in January and I hope you have good results. Gotta go do something.😉
> 
> Be healthy everyone and merry Christmas!


Enjoy your something Conan. Merry Christmas!


----------



## Faithful Wife

Not said:


> He only responded with the word OK in regards to me telling him to keep my number but that’s because I told him I couldn’t talk anymore. I was working, so having a conversation right then and there was not possible. He knows the drill with my job.
> 
> Kind of sucks because I wanted to hear what he had to say. So now I wait.


Wait but don't stop checking out other options in the meantime! My prediction:

He will eventually text again.
He will say let's meet up and discuss this.
You'll meet up and then end up gettin' some.
It will be ok (not great but not bad) but you're starved so you will want some more.
He won't want more or make time for more because he's got severe intimacy issues and will make subconscious excuses for not getting together until you finally give up.
Then he might pop up out of the blue in a few months and act like there is nothing wrong


----------



## Quad73

Evidently there's a hashtag trending, DatingWrapped 2022. I'm wondering if anyone here is compiling stats / cliffs notes on how 2022 turned out.


----------



## Not

Faithful Wife said:


> Wait but don't stop checking out other options in the meantime! My prediction:
> 
> He will eventually text again.
> He will say let's meet up and discuss this.
> You'll meet up and then end up gettin' some.
> It will be ok (not great but not bad) but you're starved so you will want some more.
> He won't want more or make time for more because he's got severe intimacy issues and will make subconscious excuses for not getting together until you finally give up.
> Then he might pop up out of the blue in a few months and act like there is nothing wrong


He's been texting lol! Just a little though. I think he's trying to figure me out lol! I don't think he's used to being turned down. I was peeking at his FB yesterday and my gawd is he good looking, hot imo, and I'd love to jump all over that BUT I won't bend over backwards for it. Dude is going to have to make a decision and I'm not going to wait very long.

I wonder about the intimacy thing. I don't know him well at all yet but that man loves his parents so damn much, he gushes over them on FB. Makes me think he's not all that stunted emotionally after all. He comes off as very loving.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> He's been texting lol! Just a little though. I think he's trying to figure me out lol! I don't think he's used to being turned down. I was peeking at his FB yesterday and my gawd is he good looking, hot imo, and I'd love to jump all over that BUT I won't bend over backwards for it. Dude is going to have to make a decision and I'm not going to wait very long.
> 
> I wonder about the intimacy thing. I don't know him well at all yet but that man loves his parents so damn much, he gushes over them on FB. Makes me think he's not all that stunted emotionally after all. He comes off as very loving.


Eh... it may not be an intimacy thing at all. Don't shoot the messenger here, but it sounds like he's just not that into you. He could take/leave sex if you're willing to bend backwards for him, hence the ridiculous schedule demands. He probably thought you found him attractive enough to swallow his crap.

Personally, I'd cut him off clean and not entertain any more wishy-washy behavior. His pride is probably stung since you're not falling all over him like he thought you would be with his stupid player tactics. Loving to his parents, not so much women he wants to poke here and there.


----------



## 2&out

I'm going to make a prediction. Not gives in. 

I'm a little lost on the emotional health and/or intimacy stuff. Relationship with parents ??? This is a FWB. Who cares ? Why care ? What I'm reading to me it looks like Not is already hoping, wanting more... a "relationship".


----------



## uwe.blab

I think that Not is ok to 'give in' if there is a time that works for both of them this weekend. She just wants a FWB, so despite the preliminary ground rules they may find an overlap of availability that will lead to this.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Eh... it may not be an intimacy thing at all. Don't shoot the messenger here, but it sounds like he's just not that into you. He could take/leave sex if you're willing to bend backwards for him, hence the ridiculous schedule demands. He probably thought you found him attractive enough to swallow his crap.
> 
> Personally, I'd cut him off clean and not entertain any more wishy-washy behavior. His pride is probably stung since you're not falling all over him like he thought you would be with his stupid player tactics. Loving to his parents, not so much women he wants to poke here and there.



Jeez lol! I barely know the guy so I have no idea what his story is. I could take multiple stabs at guessing but in the end it's just a guess. Who knows? And I'm not the one chasing after him. 

I think it's very clear you have a negative opinion on FWB situations so I don't think you'll have anything positive or even neutral to say about it.


----------



## Not

2&out said:


> I'm going to make a prediction. Not gives in.
> 
> I'm a little lost on the emotional health and/or intimacy stuff. Relationship with parents ??? This is a FWB. Who cares ? Why care ? What I'm reading to me it looks like Not is already hoping, wanting more... a "relationship".



The intimacy thing was brought up earlier. A guess that was made in regards to his personality and behavior. And as of right now, he is not relationship material.


----------



## Not

uwe.blab said:


> I think that Not is ok to 'give in' if there is a time that works for both of them this weekend. She just wants a FWB, so despite the preliminary ground rules they may find an overlap of availability that will lead to this.


That would be nice and is what I'm looking for.


----------



## RandomDude

I may be going back on the game next year for a FWB, but hell I still can't be bothered swiping again.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Jeez lol! I barely know the guy so I have no idea what his story is. I could take multiple stabs at guessing but in the end it's just a guess. Who knows? And I'm not the one chasing after him.
> 
> I think it's very clear you have a negative opinion on FWB situations so I don't think you'll have anything positive or even neutral to say about it.


True. Usually, people start off wanting to put their best selves forward though, so it's up to you what's the minimum you'll accept. 

I just discovered it's not an ideal setup for me, bc of how I think and my desire for exclusivity. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I have zero respect or patience for men who play games, so maybe that's why I seem harsh.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> True. Usually, people start off wanting to put their best selves forward though, so it's up to you what's the minimum you'll accept.


Agree and I’m very well aware of this. Been there like no tomorrow with the last guy. FWB guy hasn’t had a chance to show me what he’s up too yet since contacting me just two days ago. There hasn’t been time.



> just discovered it's not an ideal setup for me, bc of how I think and my desire for exclusivity. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I have zero respect or patience for men who play games, so maybe that's why I seem harsh.


I don’t either and is why I cut him off. He knows my boundaries now, so we’ll see. I’ll be fine and good either way.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Agree and I’m very well aware of this. Been there like no tomorrow with the last guy. FWB guy hasn’t had a chance to show me what he’s up too yet since contacting me just two days ago. There hasn’t been time.
> 
> I don’t either and is why I cut him off. He knows my boundaries now, so we’ll see. I’ll be fine and good either way.


Good! I'd hate to see you get hurt, you've been through so much the last couple years.


----------



## jlg07

Not said:


> could take multiple stabs at


You could or are you hoping that HE does!!!!


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> That would be nice and is what I'm looking for.


I say set you alarm for 3am and go for it….assuming this is the married dude that can only see you at like 5am or something.
I’m jealous. I had a brief FWB situation that I just couldn’t continue. It wasn’t because of the setup though.


----------



## Not

jlg07 said:


> You could or are you hoping that HE does!!!!


If he wants to threaten me with a good time around 7 or 8 I won’t be saying no lol!


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> I say set you alarm for 3am and go for it….assuming this is the married dude that can only see you at like 5am or something.
> I’m jealous. I had a brief FWB situation that I just couldn’t continue. It wasn’t because of the setup though.


This was recent for you? What happened?

It’s tempting, I’ll give you that but I’m keeping him on a short leash as far as control goes, at least for now.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> This was recent for you? What happened?
> 
> It’s tempting, I’ll give you that but I’m keeping him on a short leash as far as control goes, at least for now.


No, about 3 years ago. It was fine, got those needs met (which was very important for me at that time) but I ended up spending far too much me time having to talk and text. It wasn’t worth it.

No one should “control” a FWB. There should be no emotions outside of sex. If its work (as it was for me), it may not be worth it.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> No, about 3 years ago. It was fine, got those needs met (which was very important for me at that time) but I ended up spending far too much me time having to talk and text. It wasn’t worth it.
> 
> 
> No one should “control” a FWB. There should be no emotions outside of sex. If its work (as it was for me), it may not be worth it.


Gotcha. 

No emotions involved at this point. The leash is me giving him a very small window to get this up and running, he’s got until the end of next week. He was claiming he’s got too much going on and he really may but that doesn’t mean that works for me. 

If he actually follows through this time and if it’s as good as he claims I might lighten up on him.


----------



## SunCMars

TXTrini said:


> Ha! Sometimes I think you hide behind your prose and alter egos to avoid negative backlash, despite feeling free to dole it out. Anyways, you do you...


Sorry for the delay....

I was busy, _doing_ in another world.
................................................................

I have no _Alter Egos_.

I am one.


----------



## TXTrini

SunCMars said:


> Sorry for the delay....
> 
> I was busy, _doing_ in another world.
> ................................................................
> 
> I have no _Alter Egos_.
> 
> I am one.


No worries or apologies needed. After all you owe me nothing. 

So like legion, eh? 😆


----------



## LATERILUS79

SunCMars said:


> Sorry for the delay....
> 
> I was busy, _doing_ in another world.
> ................................................................
> 
> I have no _Alter Egos_.
> 
> I am one.


Not going to lie to you SunCMars….. I’m an idiot when people speak in “code”. I’m an engineer. 😂

this is this. That is that.

I can only understand direct communication and rarely can see the story or other hidden meanings behind words. I take things literally. Never got better than a C- in English class. I can communicate. That’s it. Understanding the hidden meanings in books? LoL. Never saw them. Never understood them.

your posts read like I’m reading poetry. Like I’m reading another language. I don’t have the slightest clue what you are talking about 90% of the time. Sometimes I read your posts just to challenge myself to figure out what you are actually saying, but I end up failing most of the time. 😂

I could be completely wrong, but I think maybe that was what TXTrini was getting at when she said you speak in your prose. Just a guess though.

could be that I’m the only one here that doesn’t understand you! 😂


----------



## SunCMars

LATERILUS79 said:


> Not going to lie to you SunCMars….. I’m an idiot when people speak in “code”. I’m an engineer. 😂
> 
> this is this. That is that.
> 
> I can only understand direct communication and rarely can see the story or other hidden meanings behind words. I take things literally. Never got better than a C- in English class. I can communicate. That’s it. Understanding the hidden meanings in books? LoL. Never saw them. Never understood them.
> 
> your posts read like I’m reading poetry. Like I’m reading another language. I don’t have the slightest clue what you are talking about 90% of the time. Sometimes I read your posts just to challenge myself to figure out what you are actually saying, but I end up failing most of the time. 😂
> 
> I could be completely wrong, but I think maybe that was what TXTrini was getting at when she said you speak in your prose. Just a guess though.
> 
> could be that I’m the only one here that doesn’t understand you! 😂


Thank you.

I was a Project Engineer, until late in life.
Then went hands-on.
Less headaches.

This is not the Thread to tread, to thread the needle, to walk that beagle.
We are thread-jacking here.

Yes, Miss Livvie may get livid with me, and with you.

Read my _Out of Darkness _thread.
It is best to comment there.

Many of the Quips are clearly stated.

The ones that are not, are specifically aimed at my weak points, or those of Humanity.
Humanity, still at large.

Beep, beep, beep.....incoming!

I am out of this thread, thanks.
Bye!


----------



## AVR1962

Met my boys, Bailey and Buster.....6 month old basset hounds. I decided dating was not working, picked up these two last weekend.


----------



## Not

AVR1962 said:


> Met my boys, Bailey and Buster.....6 month old basset hounds. I decided dating was not working, picked up these two last weekend.


You are going to have your hands full but awww! Too damn cute!


----------



## Livvie

AVR1962 said:


> Met my boys, Bailey and Buster.....6 month old basset hounds. I decided dating was not working, picked up these two last weekend.


So cute!!!


----------



## TXTrini

AVR1962 said:


> Met my boys, Bailey and Buster.....6 month old basset hounds. I decided dating was not working, picked up these two last weekend.


Well, they'll certainly be more loyal! Enjoy!


----------



## Hiner112

My GF is funny sometimes. Like recently we read a love in relationships article so we had a discussion about what love means to each of us. One of the things she said about the way I make her feel was, "You're the only man I've ever known who made me understand what other women meant when they said they wanted to have someone's baby." I mean, I'm fixed and she's way past childbearing so it's funny picturing a middle age woman thinking "I want to have your babies". Adding to that, she hasn't really had that feeling before even though she was married for a half dozen years during the time her biological clock would have been ticking down.


----------



## RandomDude

Wonder if it would be awkward to send a message to fbuddy after soft ghosting for months, starting to get the itch again and I really can't be bothered going back on the apps swiping until next year.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Wonder if it would be awkward to send a message to fbuddy after soft ghosting for months, starting to get the itch again and I really can't be bothered going back on the apps swiping until next year.


Probably not unusual in the world of FB's. Worst can happen is she says no.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Probably not unusual in the world of FB's. Worst can happen is she says no.


Well I may be needing a good excuse for the soft ghosting 😅 I kinda just disappeared, I did respond, just weeks later... with a closed statement lol

I did the same thing to work crush and ms busy bee too around the same time after cancelling on ms game artist, like juggling then throwing all the balls in the air and leaving the scene suddenly 😅 hell did I just have enough...

Not sure if I should even try to see if there's a bridge there, and if I do, wonder what to even say 🤔 not sure if "I just needed a break" would cut it.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Well I may be needing a good excuse for the soft ghosting 😅 I kinda just disappeared, I did respond, just weeks later... with a closed statement lol
> 
> I did the same thing to work crush and ms busy bee too around the same time after cancelling on ms game artist, like juggling then throwing all the balls in the air and leaving the scene suddenly 😅 hell did I just have enough...
> 
> Not sure if I should even try to see if there's a bridge there, and if I do, wonder what to even say 🤔 not sure if "I just needed a break" would cut it.


But needing a break is a legitimate thing. People stop and take time for themselves all the time. I'm doing that now and won't defend or explain myself to anyone outside of simply stating I took a break. Now if this wasn't a FB situation and there had been feelings involved then of course this approach wouldn't fly but that isn't the case, right?


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> But needing a break is a legitimate thing. People stop and take time for themselves all the time. I'm doing that now and won't defend or explain myself to anyone outside of simply stating I took a break. Now if this wasn't a FB situation and there had been feelings involved then of course this approach wouldn't fly but that isn't the case, right?


Sure, as long as she's cool with it, some people get bruised egos and she had one. Will drop a line, may pretend it hasn't been months since we last spoke 😅


----------



## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Will drop a line, may pretend it hasn't been months since we last spoke 😅


This is super common.  But couldn't you just say hey sorry I ghosted, what are you up to? Then if you have to explain yourself ok, or she may just skip that and say I'm great, how are you.


----------



## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> This is super common.  But couldn't you just say hey sorry I ghosted, what are you up to? Then if you have to explain yourself ok, or she may just skip that and say I'm great, how are you.


That admission will rob of me of several excuses I can still use ☺

Besides I'm not sorry 😆 just horny lol


----------



## Not

Met FWB dude last night. Dude talked my head off lol! Nothing wrong with him at all, very social and friendly. Holy cow is he a talker though! He’s definitely looking for the friend part of FWB lol! Which I don’t mind at all. It’ll be nice to have someone to shoot the **** with.

As for the other half of the situation, the jury is still out. Awkward beginnings and all that. He seemed a tad overwhelmed lol! Must have been awhile for him too.

Mission accomplished. Too soon to know if it will be Mission Impossible lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Met FWB dude last night. Dude talked my head off lol! Nothing wrong with him at all, very social and friendly. Holy cow is he a talker though! He’s definitely looking for the friend part of FWB lol! Which I don’t mind at all. It’ll be nice to have someone to shoot the **** with.
> 
> As for the other half of the situation, the jury is still out. Awkward beginnings and all that. He seemed a tad overwhelmed lol! Must have been awhile for him too.
> 
> Mission accomplished. Too soon to know if it will be Mission Impossible lol!


So he's a rookie 😅, did he explain all his requirements and taken time slots?

When is the sex happening? Lol fbuddy and I couldn't stop touching each other until we started humping. 

Hope she responds then we can both get our Xmas lay and high 5 😊 you have higher chances than me at this point though!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> So he's a rookie 😅, did he explain all his requirements and taken time slots?
> 
> When is the sex happening? Lol fbuddy and I couldn't stop touching each other until we started humping.
> 
> Hope she responds then we can both get our Xmas lay and high 5 😊 you have higher chances than me at this point though!


LOL! I was shooting for subtly! 😂 Hence, the mission accomplished comment. 

To be straight up and blunt, dude couldn't hang in there for long lol! You know, the deer in the headlights thing? He can't move or he's toast lol! And me not moving so he won't be toast lol! And he kept muttering omg under his breath lol! It was a losing battle, but that's ok. I figured this would be the case. It has been with each man so far.

And no requirements outside of his dad, who may not be here much longer. Feel bad for him about that.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> LOL! I was shooting for subtly! 😂 Hence, the mission accomplished comment.
> 
> To be straight up and blunt, dude couldn't hang in there for long lol! You know, the deer in the headlights thing? He can't move or he's toast lol! And me not moving so he won't be toast lol! And he kept muttering omg under his breath lol! It was a losing battle, but that's ok. I figured this would be the case. It has been with each man so far.
> 
> And no requirements outside of his dad, who may not be here much longer. Feel bad for him about that.


Good heavens! It's been like that with each guy? Now I wonder what would your reaction be like if you met a confident guy 😮

Sounds like a decent score though if he is available and all our theories out the window!


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> LOL! I was shooting for subtly! 😂 Hence, the mission accomplished comment.
> 
> To be straight up and blunt, dude couldn't hang in there for long lol! You know, the deer in the headlights thing? He can't move or he's toast lol! And me not moving so he won't be toast lol! And he kept muttering omg under his breath lol! It was a losing battle, but that's ok. I figured this would be the case. It has been with each man so far.
> 
> And no requirements outside of his dad, who may not be here much longer. Feel bad for him about that.


That's all well and good but was he focused on helping you enjoy yourself or was he selfish? Did he have a quick refractory period? 

If it's been a few days, Pogo will be ready to go quick but his refractory period is relatively short. As long as I know I'll be able to let loose afterwards, we're good. If he wasn't or incapable of going again, I'd be disappointed.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Good heavens! It's been like that with each guy? Now I wonder what would your reaction be like if you met a confident guy 😮
> 
> Sounds like a decent score though if he is available and all our theories out the window!


You must be superman?? Every guy I've ever talked too has stated it may be a real quick thing the first time simply due to the fact it had been so long. I wouldn't call that a confidence thing, more a simply human anatomy/mind control thing. Even Tank, who was a beast in bed, had trouble the first time. He even had trouble with his erection due to nerves.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> That's all well and good but was he focused on helping you enjoy yourself or was he selfish? Did he have a quick refractory period?
> 
> If it's been a few days, Pogo will be ready to go quick but his refractory period is relatively short. As long as I know I'll be able to let loose afterwards, we're good. If he wasn't or incapable of going again, I'd be disappointed.



He definitely focused on me and he had stated in the past his refractory period is poopoo. So between being practically complete strangers, nerves and poopoo I hadn't set my expectations too high. But after a little more warming up if things don't improve then I'll know for sure. Too much going on at first, right now, to know for sure. But he did pay extra attention to me.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> He definitely focused on me and he had stated in the past his refractory period is poopoo. So between being practically complete strangers, nerves and poopoo I hadn't set my expectations too high. But after a little more warming up if things don't improve then I'll know for sure. Too much going on at first, right now, to know for sure. But he did pay extra attention to me.


The poopoo refractory period sucks for him. I know ED meds can help with that but that might be a conversation for further down the line. 

I'm happy to hear he was focused on you. That does help.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> You must be superman?? Every guy I've ever talked too has stated it may be a real quick thing the first time simply due to the fact it had been so long. I wouldn't call that a confidence thing, more a simply human anatomy/mind control thing. Even Tank, who was a beast in bed, had trouble the first time. He even had trouble with his erection due to nerves.


True, I normally have ED after a long dry spell too. My confidence comment I misread.

Looking back, I didn't have ED with fbuddy, but that's because I was busting for months and she was playing with me on the way back to her place so I did blow pretty quick 😑

Spent the rest of the night pleasuring her with the rest of me so I could get seconds though, looks like that's what he did which is a good sign.


----------



## LATERILUS79

When talking about the refractory period, are you referring to getting hard again or the man being able to orgasm again?

secondly, are you all asking the man to put himself in a situation where he isn’t gonna be able to last long?

I don’t mean any offense with that comment. Everyone has their preferences.

what I’m getting at is this:

1. my refractory period between orgasms will be 1 hour or longer depending on how turned on I am, how long it’s been, etc…… but getting me up for sex again? That’ll be minutes. I don’t care if I orgasm again. Sex feels great and Im game for more.

2. Are you looking to lead the pace or are you game for the man to lead? For example, if I can lead my own pace, I can hold off. If the woman is like, “you aren’t going fast enough! Go faster! Push harder!”…… well, I’m not going to last long under those circumstances. That’s what my ex used to do. She always wanted it fast and hard. Well, I enjoy that of course, but im not going to last long. If I can slow it down, I can desensitize over the first few minutes and then speed things up.


----------



## Hiner112

LATERILUS79 said:


> When talking about the refractory period, are you referring to getting hard again or the man being able to orgasm again?
> 
> secondly, are you all asking the man to put himself in a situation where he isn’t gonna be able to last long?
> 
> I don’t mean any offense with that comment. Everyone has their preferences.
> 
> what I’m getting at is this:
> 
> 1. my refractory period between orgasms will be 1 hour or longer depending on how turned on I am, how long it’s been, etc…… but getting me up for sex again? That’ll be minutes. I don’t care if I orgasm again. Sex feels great and Im game for more.
> 
> 2. Are you looking to lead the pace or are you game for the man to lead? For example, if I can lead my own pace, I can hold off. If the woman is like, “you aren’t going fast enough! Go faster! Push harder!”…… well, I’m not going to last long under those circumstances. That’s what my ex used to do. She always wanted it fast and hard. Well, I enjoy that of course, but im not going to last long. If I can slow it down, I can desensitize over the first few minutes and then speed things up.


Refractory period is generally the time between orgasm and getting another erection.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> When talking about the refractory period, are you referring to getting hard again or the man being able to orgasm again?
> 
> secondly, are you all asking the man to put himself in a situation where he isn’t gonna be able to last long?
> 
> I don’t mean any offense with that comment. Everyone has their preferences.
> 
> what I’m getting at is this:
> 
> 1. my refractory period between orgasms will be 1 hour or longer depending on how turned on I am, how long it’s been, etc…… but getting me up for sex again? That’ll be minutes. I don’t care if I orgasm again. Sex feels great and Im game for more.
> 
> 2. Are you looking to lead the pace or are you game for the man to lead? For example, if I can lead my own pace, I can hold off. If the woman is like, “you aren’t going fast enough! Go faster! Push harder!”…… well, I’m not going to last long under those circumstances. That’s what my ex used to do. She always wanted it fast and hard. Well, I enjoy that of course, but im not going to last long. If I can slow it down, I can desensitize over the first few minutes and then speed things up.


Refractory period is the time between erections. 

With regards to letting the man set the pace, I can only speak for myself but I'm patient. However I think sometimes it has nothing to do with pacing during the act. For example, I am tactical and sensual lover. Lots of slow, soft touching and kissing all over before there's any penetration. In my case with Pogo, that just ramps him up. No matter what he does to set the pace, he'll orgasm really, really fast if it's been a few days. But he's usually good to go within the hour. 

We usually just mess around a bit, he orgasms, then we do the slow sensual stuff for a while before round 2.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> Refractory period is the time between erections.
> 
> With regards to letting the man set the pace, I can only speak for myself but I'm patient. However I think sometimes it has nothing to do with pacing during the act. For example, I am tactical and sensual lover. Lots of slow, soft touching and kissing all over before there's any penetration. In my case with Pogo, that just ramps him up. No matter what he does to set the pace, he'll orgasm really, really fast if it's been a few days. But he's usually good to go within the hour.
> 
> We usually just mess around a bit, he orgasms, then we do the slow sensual stuff for a while before round 2.


We had been sending dirty texts to one another for most of the day so he was super worked up by the time he got to my place so I know that played a huge part of it. I know these things take time, so there were no negative feelings about the situation on my side. We just need to find our groove.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> True, I normally have ED after a long dry spell too. My confidence comment I misread.
> 
> Looking back, I didn't have ED with fbuddy, but that's because I was busting for months and she was playing with me on the way back to her place so I did blow pretty quick 😑
> 
> Spent the rest of the night pleasuring her with the rest of me so I could get seconds though, looks like that's what he did which is a good sign.


Sooooo…. Send that message yet?


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> For example, I am tactical and sensual lover. Lots of slow, soft touching and kissing all over before there's any penetration.





Not said:


> We had been sending dirty texts to one another for most of the day so he was super worked up by the time he got to my place so I know that played a huge part of it.


Omg women who understand that we men are simple wind-up toys not light switches!


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Sooooo…. Send that message yet?


No response so far, but it's only been a few hours so 🤷‍♂️

Still I'm just going to assume she's no longer interested unless she msgs, random bait toss not really expecting her to bite.

I'll find another lover next year.


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Omg women who understand that we men are simple wind-up toys not light switches!


Lol.

you should meet my exwife. Oh, she is going to struggle with dating. She assumes men should be light Switches. 🤣


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> Lol.
> 
> you should meet my exwife. Oh, she is going to struggle with dating. She assumes men should be light Switches. 🤣


Most women do, and it's so annoying 😑

Especially when they are HD or attractive or worse - both! They expect you to be an automatic light switch! 😑

TAM is full of unicorns it seems


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> Omg women who understand that we men are simple wind-up toys not light switches!


I just realized I said tactical instead of tactile. Lol. Big difference. Haha


----------



## 2&out

OK - educate me. What is meant by wind up ? Lots of foreplay ? I always thought that was a for the woman thing and not necessarily always. The more I read here the more I think I really am an outlier. Guess I'm a lightswitch type, I need very little to no "encouragement" especially the first time. 🤷‍♂️. But I will admit being a "sensitive" slow motion lover isn't my preference and I don't do for me.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> I just realized I said tactical instead of tactile. Lol. Big difference. Haha


Definition of tactical: (of a person or their actions) showing adroit planning; aiming at an end beyond the immediate action. 

Not much difference imo lol!


----------



## Not

2&out said:


> OK - educate me. What is meant by wind up ? Lots of foreplay ? I always thought that was a for the woman thing and not necessarily always. The more I read here the more I think I really am an outlier. Guess I'm a lightswitch type, I need very little to no "encouragement" especially the first time. 🤷‍♂️. But I will admit being a "sensitive" slow motion lover isn't my preference and I don't do for me.


Not necessarily foreplay, more like playful teasing and slow build up of anticipation over an entire day. Speaking for myself of course. I do agree that it's something that definitely works well for females but have discovered men enjoy it just as much.


----------



## RandomDude

Lila said:


> I just realized I said tactical instead of tactile. Lol. Big difference. Haha





Not said:


> Definition of tactical: (of a person or their actions) showing adroit planning; aiming at an end beyond the immediate action.
> 
> Not much difference imo lol!


Lol tactical made sense to me too


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Not necessarily foreplay, more like playful teasing and slow build up of anticipation over an entire day. Speaking for myself of course. I do agree that it's something that definitely works well for females but have discovered men enjoy it just as much.


Aye, build up of sexual tension.

Wind us up...










... and watch us go! 😊


----------



## Not

Been sick all week, blah. From what I hear everyone and I mean everyone is getting this. It’s kicking my butt that’s for sure.

So I am cuddled up here on the couch with my blankets watching some Netflix today and my phone goes off and it’s one of my coworkers but in a different department. She’s sending me messages about someone who’s trying to reach out to me on a dating app who happens to be a mutual friend of hers lol! She’s basically giving her seal of approval and gives him a positive carfax report lol! I really like her and trust her opinion but dammit, I am a hugely private person in my everyday life, so there goes that.

As for the FWB I’ve had a week to think on it and see how I feel about it and I’ve decided it’s not for me. It was fun/exciting but there’s too much missing with it. Sex with someone I’m actually interested in is going to be better sex. A FWB was never a bucket list thing but now I can say I’ve been there and done that and I know now. Pffft….back to being lonely.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Been sick all week, blah. From what I hear everyone and I mean everyone is getting this. It’s kicking my butt that’s for sure.
> 
> So I am cuddled up here on the couch with my blankets watching some Netflix today and my phone goes off and it’s one of my coworkers but in a different department. She’s sending me messages about someone who’s trying to reach out to me on a dating app who happens to be a mutual friend of hers lol! She’s basically giving her seal of approval and gives him a positive carfax report lol! I really like her and trust her opinion but dammit, I am a hugely private person in my everyday life, so there goes that.
> 
> As for the FWB I’ve had a week to think on it and see how I feel about it and I’ve decided it’s not for me. It was fun/exciting but there’s too much missing with it. Sex with someone I’m actually interested in is going to be better sex. A FWB was never a bucket list thing but now I can say I’ve been there and done that and I know now. Pffft….back to being lonely.


Hey chick, I hope you're feeling better. Sorry you're feeling lonely, but thinking time is always good. 

Hey, why not give your coworker's friend a shot? You might meet someone nice!


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah, I think if you are going in there looking for something you won't really find it. Casual sex is just something to scratch the itch because either than that, it's meaningless unless there is a connection. At least now you know what you want. I haven't heard from my fbuddy, but I don't expect to, I did ghost her 😅 

Still remember one woman I ghosted this year and sent her a message later and she was like "so your month relationship didn't work out?" lol... heck, forgot which one that was!

Man, I wish I can have another encounter like with work crush, but not at work, and hopefully she actually has a brain I can click with either than just being flirty and sexy. 
But errr... that's zero chance of that happening since I don't go out  maybe I go to more conferences and hit on more corporate receptionists like how I met my ex lol... nah


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Hey chick, I hope you're feeling better. Sorry you're feeling lonely, but thinking time is always good.
> 
> Hey, why not give your coworker's friend a shot? You might meet someone nice!


Thanks Trini. I do like my thinking time. I actually started talking to someone else a couple of hours before she messaged me and I prefer to talk to just one at a time. So her guy isn’t going to hear from me. New guy lives right here in town. Fingers crossed!


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, I think if you are going in there looking for something you won't really find it. Casual sex is just something to scratch the itch because either than that, it's meaningless unless there is a connection. At least now you know what you want. I haven't heard from my fbuddy, but I don't expect to, I did ghost her 😅
> 
> Still remember one woman I ghosted this year and sent her a message later and she was like "so your month relationship didn't work out?" lol... heck, forgot which one that was!
> 
> Man, I wish I can have another encounter like with work crush, but not at work, and hopefully she actually has a brain I can click with either than just being flirty and sexy.
> But errr... that's zero chance of that happening since I don't go out  maybe I go to more conferences and hit on more corporate receptionists like how I met my ex lol... nah


Oh, that’s funny! Every time I talk to my sister she asks about the new guy I’m talking to and it’s never the same guy I’m currently talking to lol!

Sounds like your mojo may be trying to wake back up Random. Keep us posted. 😁


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Thanks Trini. I do like my thinking time. I actually started talking to someone else a couple of hours before she messaged me and I prefer to talk to just one at a time. So her guy isn’t going to hear from me. New guy lives right here in town. Fingers crossed!


Me too. Thinking time saves me a lot of trouble hormones can get me into 😂. There was a brief period of time before my bf and I met that I wasn't capable of thinking time, and I really don't miss it. 

It's only a matter of time before you meet someone decent, just keep your eyes and ears open to know when you meet a decent one. That's something I was unsure about, as many people put their best selves forward and seem great at the beginning. What I discovered was a decent man says what he means and means what he says, no games and is ok being called on his crap if you're ok being called on yours. You're a good person, Not, hang in there, ok.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Oh, that’s funny! Every time I talk to my sister she asks about the new guy I’m talking to and it’s never the same guy I’m currently talking to lol!
> 
> Sounds like your mojo may be trying to wake back up Random. Keep us posted. 😁


I'm hoping to keep it locked up because it gets me into trouble! Same with my sex drive but grrrr 😑

The thing is, the same emptiness you felt with your FWB is the same emptiness I actually look for now so I can associate sex negatively and lower my desire for it, to the point I only respond to my 'needs' when I really can't take it anymore.

I associate it even more negatively than a standard FWB last time because I also actively broke my own exclusive only rule and settled with someone I don't trust but she has a hot body. That's a big reason that made me just stop dating completely when I scratched the itch.

One day I hope it just dies completely, not like I enjoy any woman's company now or want anymore kids so it's useless anyway. I'm looking to scratch the inevitable itches and that's it but man it's going to screwed up if I have to wait 4 months for a new one, but I still can't lower my physical standards as it won't scratch the itch. Like scratching in the wrong spot.

I'm considering sugar babies to increase the opportunities but I'm not so sure I'm content banging someone who I can't trust is into me, at least with fbuddy she was. So what to do 😔


----------



## RandomDude

😆


----------



## jlg07

Lila said:


> I just realized I said tactical instead of tactile. Lol. Big difference. Haha


Based on some stories here on TAM, I think there are many women who ARE tactical!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Why sad faces? I'm still happy despite the circumstances. If I can love again I will.

I just don't see it happening due to the odds and adjusted my life and myself accordingly. If it happens I'll adjust it back.

I'm a cyborg 😊


----------



## Lila

RandomDude said:


> 😆
> 
> View attachment 94722


That's not true. Bad options are not options. 

I read a post somewhere that said dating for women was like trying to pan for gold in the sewer. Dating for men was trying to quench a thirst one slow drip at a time.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Lila said:


> That's not true. Bad options are not options.


All men have to do in order to imagine what it's like for women being pursued by random men, is to imagine themselves being in prison and consider if they would like all of that attention.


----------



## Lila

Looks like Pogo and I have hit another speed bump in our relationship. 

Pogo and I were discussing a friend and her intense hunt for husband #2. Somewhere along the way he mentioned wanting to get remarried. I, on the other hand, have no desire to ever remarry again and explained why. One of the main reasons is not wanting to co-mingle finances. (Blood, sweat and literal tears went into building my little empire. I don't mind sharing but refuse to lose what I've built in a divorce.) He seemed very disappointed in my views. 

We've dealt with so much ****. I sure hope this isn't the reason why we can't make it work in the long run.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> Looks like Pogo and I have hit another speed bump in our relationship.
> 
> Pogo and I were discussing a friend and her intense hunt for husband #2. Somewhere along the way he mentioned wanting to get remarried. I, on the other hand, have no desire to ever remarry again and explained why. One of the main reasons is not wanting to co-mingle finances. (Blood, sweat and literal tears went into building my little empire. I don't mind sharing but refuse to lose what I've built in a divorce.) He seemed very disappointed in my views.
> 
> We've dealt with so much ****. I sure hope this isn't the reason why we can't make it work in the long run.


It would be sad if things were to end because of that. Does he want you or does he want the contract?

I don’t know, people can just get so sentimental over things like this and forget there’s so much that goes into it. You guys aren’t young people just starting out so things are going to be much more complicated. Both need to be on the same page but when it comes down to it and you have to make a choice between being together or not that’s when you need to stop and really think about what’s most important to you outside of your personal or religious beliefs or your own selfish wants. It just seems like he should be choosing to keep you no matter what that may end up looking like. But maybe he hasn’t thought about all of this all to deeply.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Protip for any guys on here who want to power through walls like Black and Decker. Get yourself Promiscent spray. One or two sprays, rub it in about 10 minutes before. That’s it, 30 minutes before you feel anything. You can pound away with impunity or take whatever she can dish out. My wife threw it out, haha.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> It would be sad if things were to end because of that. Does he want you or does he want the contract?
> 
> I don’t know, people can just get so sentimental over things like this and forget there’s so much that goes into it. You guys aren’t young people just starting out so things are going to be much more complicated. Both need to be on the same page but when it comes down to it and you have to make a choice between being together or not that’s when you need to stop and really think about what’s most important to you outside of your personal or religious beliefs or your own selfish wants. It just seems like he should be choosing to keep you no matter what that may end up looking like. But maybe he hasn’t thought about all of this all to deeply.


His beliefs on marriage are deeply rooted in his religion. He doesn't want to come off as a hypocrite to his kids if they see him "living in sin" with a woman.

Until his divorce, he never managed his finances. I haven't bothered to ask him about it because I have no plans of marrying. As long as he's meeting my needs, I could really care less what they look like.

I'm giving him some time to think about everything. Maybe if I knew more about his finances I'd feel better about marriage.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> His beliefs on marriage are deeply rooted in his religion. He doesn't want to come off as a hypocrite to his kids if they see him "living in sin" with a woman.
> 
> Until his divorce, he never managed his finances. I haven't bothered to ask him about it because I have no plans of marrying. As long as he's meeting my needs, I could really care less what they look like.
> 
> I'm giving him some time to think about everything. Maybe if I knew more about his finances I'd feel better about marriage.


I used to watch Tank like a hawk with his finances. I never asked him but from what I observed he wasn’t very good with money lol! Which was none of my business but this is stuff you need to know if future financial entanglement is possible. It’s going to have an affect on the decisions you make about the future with the person. I call that being smart.

If no entanglement, then not an issue.

I got nothing as far as the religious views on co habitating goes. Not sure how that could be worked around given his situation. Ugh.


----------



## LATERILUS79

If he wants marriage so bad, tell him he needs to sign a prenup. He has no right to your finances.


----------



## Lila

LATERILUS79 said:


> If he wants marriage so bad, tell him he needs to sign a prenup. He has no right to your finances.


There's no doubt I will have a pre nup if I ever go down that road again however don't pre nups only protect assets you bring into the relationship? What happens to the money earned in the relationship from, let's say, those assets?


----------



## jlg07

Lila said:


> His beliefs on marriage are deeply rooted in his religion. He doesn't want to come off as a hypocrite to his kids if they see him "living in sin" with a woman.
> 
> Until his divorce, he never managed his finances. I haven't bothered to ask him about it because I have no plans of marrying. As long as he's meeting my needs, I could really care less what they look like.
> 
> I'm giving him some time to think about everything. Maybe if I knew more about his finances I'd feel better about marriage.


You could always broach the idea of a prenup so that YOUR funds stay yours in case anything bad happens.....


----------



## Lila

jlg07 said:


> You could always broach the idea of a prenup so that YOUR funds stay yours in case anything bad happens.....


He knows my stance on pre nups. There is no way I would ever entertain remarriage without one. However, I do have a question. Don't pre nups only protect assets you bring into the relationship? What happens to the money earned in the relationship from, let's say, those assets?


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Looks like Pogo and I have hit another speed bump in our relationship.
> 
> Pogo and I were discussing a friend and her intense hunt for husband #2. Somewhere along the way he mentioned wanting to get remarried. I, on the other hand, have no desire to ever remarry again and explained why. One of the main reasons is not wanting to co-mingle finances. (Blood, sweat and literal tears went into building my little empire. I don't mind sharing but refuse to lose what I've built in a divorce.) He seemed very disappointed in my views.
> 
> We've dealt with so much ****. I sure hope this isn't the reason why we can't make it work in the long run.


Do you feel like you are trying too hard to make it work?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lila said:


> He knows my stance on pre nups. There is no way I would ever entertain remarriage without one. However, I do have a question. Don't pre nups only protect assets you bring into the relationship? What happens to the money earned in the relationship from, let's say, those assets?


I always thought you could put whatever you wanted in a prenup except for being unable to get rid of child support. You could specify that assets before marriage and any income earned from those assets remain separate. Especially if you kept them in separate bank accounts and didn't mingle it with marital accounts. Do some research or check with a lawyer to make sure that's the case in your area.


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> Do you feel like you are trying too hard to make it work?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Sometimes I do but then I think about all of the guys I've dated and consider myself lucky. 😳. 

We've had our difficulties but he's also overall the best I've come across. I know, I know. That's not saying much. 

Is it supposed to be easy at this age?


----------



## Hiner112

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I always thought you could put whatever you wanted in a prenup except for being unable to get rid of child support. You could specify that assets before marriage and any income earned from those assets remain separate. Especially if you kept them in separate bank accounts and didn't mingle it with marital accounts. Do some research or check with a lawyer to make sure that's the case in your area.


This was my understanding as well. If it is separate going in and you don't co-mingle the assets, you should be able to keep it separate.

One source.



> A pre-nuptial agreement is also used to define what constitutes marital property. Generally, marital property is any property that is acquired in either person’s name between the date of marriage and the date one spouse files for divorce. This property can include real estate, bank accounts, investments, etc. It is possible though to use a pre-nuptial agreement to provide that if the property purchased during the marriage can be traced back to either party’s separate property, then the marital property in question will be divided in proportion to the contribution from each party in the event of a marriage dissolution.


I doubt wages can be protected though.

I would be surprised if things like rental property couldn't be.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Lila said:


> He knows my stance on pre nups. There is no way I would ever entertain remarriage without one. However, I do have a question. Don't pre nups only protect assets you bring into the relationship? What happens to the money earned in the relationship from, let's say, those assets?


Keep in mind laws may vary on these kinds of things from US state to US state.


----------



## jlg07

Lila said:


> He knows my stance on pre nups. There is no way I would ever entertain remarriage without one. However, I do have a question. Don't pre nups only protect assets you bring into the relationship? What happens to the money earned in the relationship from, let's say, those assets?


Just found this with a quick search (for Maine, but probably valid for other states):





Do prenups protect money made after marriage? [FAQ!]


A prenup can also protect any income or assets that you earn during the marriage, as well as unearned income from a bequest or a trust distribution. Without a




mainedivorcelawblog.com


----------



## Hiner112

On a related note to prenups, we'd almost certainly need one if I married my GF. She has already made her money for the most part. (3/4 of a million in retirement savings, paid for house, pension from the government, and now just working part time) While I only started saving at 30 in 2008 when I got out of the military and had it cut in half in 2020 at the divorce and I'm in my peak earning years now.


----------



## Not

Time for yet another story from Nots adventures in dating land.

I _was_ talking to a guy right here in town, seemed a bit promising. 49, in great shape, good job and just 6 miles away. There’s always a catch though isn’t there? That six pack had to be to good to be true lol!

BDSM and steriods lol! Can’t make this stuff up. Not judging him. I would never preach at anyone, it’s none of my business. I did want to know more about the BDSM though. I am too curious for my own good! Oh well. Soo, he’s nexted.

Now talking to the friend of my co-worker. He is way too much like me in that he doesn’t care much for dating and isn’t worried about whether or not he ends up with someone. He’s good on his own but would like to find someone to share life with but isn’t willing to settle.

When I start talking to someone my tendency is to not reach out to them so I can gauge their level of interest and seriousness but also because I just don’t care. I know that sounds really bad but I really am at the point where I don’t care if I meet someone or not. This guy is calling and we’re talking for over an hour each time. I really like that he hasn’t been like all the others in the typical way. No texting, phone calls only.

He is the first one who legitimately truly seriously has got his **** together in a big way. I’m not talking just financially but in the way he’s approaching our conversations. We are covering every topic under the sun, except for sex, which I am strangely OK with for some reason. These conversations just seem so much more mature than all the others. Hard to explain.

I have no idea how this is going to play out but I will say for sure that if things don’t work out he is someone I would appreciate having as a friend. He seems to be a keeper in that way, for sure. Just a really good person.


----------



## TXTrini

TXTrini said:


> Hey chick, I hope you're feeling better. Sorry you're feeling lonely, but thinking time is always good.
> 
> Hey, why not give your coworker's friend a shot? You might meet someone nice!


I seem to remember saying this 😁 


Not said:


> Time for yet another story from Nots adventures in dating land.
> 
> I _was_ talking to a guy right here in town, seemed a bit promising. 49, in great shape, good job and just 6 miles away. There’s always a catch though isn’t there? That six pack had to be to good to be true lol!
> 
> BDSM and steriods lol! Can’t make this stuff up. Not judging him. I would never preach at anyone, it’s none of my business. I did want to know more about the BDSM though. I am too curious for my own good! Oh well. Soo, he’s nexted.


Whoa, steroids?? How do you know? Are the twig and berries of the dwarf variety? 🧙‍♀️



Not said:


> Now talking to the friend of my co-worker. He is way too much like me in that he doesn’t care much for dating and isn’t worried about whether or not he ends up with someone. He’s good on his own but would like to find someone to share life with but isn’t willing to settle.
> 
> When I start talking to someone my tendency is to not reach out to them so I can gauge their level of interest and seriousness but also because I just don’t care. I know that sounds really bad but I really am at the point where I don’t care if I meet someone or not. This guy is calling and we’re talking for over an hour each time. I really like that he hasn’t been like all the others in the typical way. No texting, phone calls only.
> 
> He is the first one who legitimately truly seriously has got his **** together in a big way. I’m not talking just financially but in the way he’s approaching our conversations. We are covering every topic under the sun, except for sex, which I am strangely OK with for some reason. These conversations just seem so much more mature than all the others. Hard to explain.
> 
> I have no idea how this is going to play out but I will say for sure that if things don’t work out he is someone I would appreciate having as a friend. He seems to be a keeper in that way, for sure. Just a really good person.


That sounds promising, I hope it keeps going well! He sounds like a decent gentleman! Don't let that fool you, the quiet ones are the best😁 .


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I seem to remember saying this 😁
> 
> Whoa, steroids?? How do you know? Are the twig and berries of the dwarf variety? 🧙‍♀️
> 
> 
> That sounds promising, I hope it keeps going well! He sounds like a decent gentleman! Don't let that fool you, the quiet ones are the best😁 .


 Yes you did lol!

And he mentioned the steriod use during a texting conversation about addiction. I mentioned my addiction is nicotine and he threw that out there. 🤦‍♀️ He also mentioned he’s on testosterone therapy, so I inquired further on the relation between the two and he admitted the steroid use definitely caused his need for testosterone therapy. Everybody has their vice/s but, just no for me. And it had me wondering what else is there?


----------



## farsidejunky

Lila said:


> Sometimes I do but then I think about all of the guys I've dated and consider myself lucky. .
> 
> We've had our difficulties but he's also overall the best I've come across. I know, I know. That's not saying much.
> 
> Is it supposed to be easy at this age?


I started to respond to this post with what I "know", then I deleted it.

I really don't know jack **** about dating nowadays beyond reading or watching videos about other people's stories. I haven't dated in 20 years. 

I would like to think compatibility makes people simply click, but too many people in the trenches seem to indicate otherwise.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

farsidejunky said:


> I would like to think compatibility makes people simply click, but too many people in the trenches seem to indicate otherwise.


You're right on the compatible component but that's only half the story. The other half is that most men at this age (I can't speak for women because I don't date women) are looking for a woman to seamlessly fit into their lives without much compromise. Pogo is not like that so although we're incompatible in some really obvious ways, he is willing to compromise on how I fit into his life and I'm willing to compromise on how he fits into mine. 

I expect a whole lot of proverbial slips and falls along the way but I hope we'll be there to help each other up along the way.


----------



## TXTrini

Lila said:


> You're right on the compatible component but that's only half the story. The other half is that most men at this age (I can't speak for women because I don't date women) are looking for a woman to seamlessly fit into their lives without much compromise. Pogo is not like that so although we're incompatible in some really obvious ways, he is willing to compromise on how I fit into his life and I'm willing to compromise on how he fits into mine.
> 
> I expect a whole lot of proverbial slips and falls along the way but I hope we'll be there to help each other up along the way.


Willingness to compromise is huge. Noone going to fit exactly into anyone's lives snugly at our age, we are who we are. But that's the whole basis of successful relationships, huh? I hope you two keep meeting each other halfway, it's so underrated.


----------



## Not

My rank has changed. As of mid July I will be a granny out in dating land lol! Rowr!! 😂😂 

*** had to remove the picture, didn’t realize it had identifying information in it.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

TXTrini said:


> Willingness to compromise is huge. Noone going to fit exactly into anyone's lives snugly at our age, we are who we are. But that's the whole basis of successful relationships, huh? I hope you two keep meeting each other halfway, it's so underrated.


I know this looks easy for Cindy and I, but it is less about easy and more about understanding the "whys" of our compatibility, I would never have married Cindy if I didn't feel she was my trusted friend first that I grew to love dearly. Our compromises seem fairly transparent, they happen on the fly for the most part and when they don't, we patiently navigate it.

When a fuss comes, and we have lived long enough to not have a couple "landmines" out there, listening and patience, again, is the key.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Willingness to compromise is huge. Noone going to fit exactly into anyone's lives snugly at our age, we are who we are. But that's the whole basis of successful relationships, huh? I hope you two keep meeting each other halfway, it's so underrated.


I no longer trust compromise, people tend to agree with the principles and what it offers their relationship but in practice it does lead to resentment from my experience 🙄

With current fbuddy (she responded btw wtf) we are making no compromises for each other too and it does remind me of @Not 's experience finding a schedule that fits them both, but hey less pretentious this way.

Her reasons for responding to me is both flattering and disturbing I don't really know what to make of it, as it turns out I have something she likes that keeps me... "competitive" 😅 well hey she scratches my back I'll scratch hers 😌


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I no longer trust compromise, people tend to agree with the principles and what it offers their relationship but in practice it does lead to resentment from my experience 🙄


It depends on their motivations for compromising. I've found that when people don't want to do something but do it to keep things going their way, that's when resentment happens.


----------



## TXTrini

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I know this looks easy for Cindy and I, but it is less about easy and more about understanding the "whys" of our compatibility, I would never have married Cindy if I didn't feel she was my trusted friend first that I grew to love dearly. Our compromises seem fairly transparent, they happen on the fly for the most part and when they don't, we patiently navigate it.
> 
> When a fuss comes, and we have lived long enough to not have a couple "landmines" out there, listening and patience, again, is the key.


I love reading about you guys, the love and compassion that radiates from your posts especially touch me and give me hope. I had one of those landmines this weekend, and we've gotten so much better at navigating them together. The holidays are really hard for me, and now for my bf, they tend to emphasize all the things we lost and can't have again.

We've been trying to build new traditions together, and we're happy in the moment, but it's hard to keep fighting sometimes when people outside our relationship are determined to keep a grip on us. 

How do you fully let go of the past when people don't want to let go of you?


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> It depends on their motivations for compromising. I've found that when people don't want to do something but do it to keep things going their way, that's when resentment happens.


Isn't that like every relationship? 😅

We don't want to but hey we want to make each other happy 😌 .... 🙄


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I love reading about you guys, the love and compassion that radiates from your posts especially touch me and give me hope. I had one of those landmines this weekend, and we've gotten so much better at navigating them together. The holidays are really hard for me, and now for my bf, they tend to emphasize all the things we lost and can't have again.
> 
> We've been trying to build new traditions together, and we're happy in the moment, but it's hard to keep fighting sometimes when people outside our relationship are determined to keep a grip on us.
> 
> How do you fully let go of the past when people don't want to let go of you?


Huh? You mean people or memories?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Isn't that like every relationship? 😅
> 
> We don't want to but hey we want to make each other happy 😌 .... 🙄


I don't know, I haven't had tons. But I have observed some people want to make others happy for their ends, and some just because it makes the other person happy. 


RandomDude said:


> Huh? You mean people or memories?


I meant people.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I don't know, I haven't had tons. But I have observed some people want to make others happy for their ends, and some just because it makes the other person happy.
> 
> I meant people.


The two tend to go hand in hand.

As for people surprised... you two being INTJs are having issues plucking a few weeds from the garden lol











I enjoyed a VERY peaceful Xmas 😌


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> The two tend to go hand in hand.
> 
> As for people surprised... you two being INTJs are having issues plucking a few weeds from the garden lol
> 
> View attachment 94925
> 
> 
> 
> I enjoyed a VERY peaceful Xmas 😌


It's my ex in-laws. I ghosted everyone when they turned their backs on me after DD, but they keep sending **** to my new house (I moved across town to a small town) and e-cards from 3rd party sites. I stopped opening them, so now they're sending to my uncle who lives in a foreign country 6000 miles away.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> It's my ex in-laws. I ghosted everyone when they turned their backs on me after DD, but they keep sending **** to my new house (I moved across town to a small town) and e-cards from 3rd party sites. I stopped opening them, so now they're sending to my uncle who lives in a foreign country 6000 miles away.


At that point I would confront them firmly about the consequences if they don't comply, including involving the law. I take my space very seriously, I don't give a sh-t. You guys shouldn't either.

When I want someone out of my life they are removed completely, out of mind as well.


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> At that point I would confront them firmly about the consequences if they don't comply, including involving the law. I take my space very seriously, I don't give a sh-t. You guys shouldn't either.
> 
> When I want someone out of my life they are removed completely, out of mind as well.


I've thought about it, but how ridiculous would it be to pay a lawyer to threaten a pair of 80 y/os? I already asked once, and I'm not going to ask again. The frigging divorce was expensive enough, as usual, I had to make the hard decisions because if I didn't, it wouldn't be done. So I started over financially wrecked and I won't spend another penny on lawyers. 

I've been waiting for them to die at this point, b/c I'm not contacting my ex to ask him to intervene. He might find it funny, in fact, they all might. Anyway, time is on my side, it will stop eventually. But I've grown to hate every holiday and checking my mail because there's always something. No direct message, just cryptic ********.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I've thought about it, but how ridiculous would it be to pay a lawyer to threaten a pair of 80 y/os? I already asked once, and I'm not going to ask again. The frigging divorce was expensive enough, as usual, I had to make the hard decisions because if I didn't, it wouldn't be done. So I started over financially wrecked and I won't spend another penny on lawyers.
> 
> I've been waiting for them to die at this point, b/c I'm not contacting my ex to ask him to intervene. He might find it funny, in fact, they all might. Anyway, time is on my side, it will stop eventually. But I've grown to hate every holiday and checking my mail because there's always something. No direct message, just cryptic ******.


Do you really need a lawyer for a restraining order?

Also you don't have to be threatening, the way I do it I say it with a calm but unlaughing smile on my face and mention the consequences as matter of fact. Seems to work 🤷‍♂️

Alternatively, you can simply not check your mail. I think mine you can't even fit anymore junk mail, all my important correspondence go through appropriate channels. Speaking of which how did they get your uncles address anyway?


----------



## PieceOfSky

@TXTrini,

Is your uncle willing to receive their mailings and throw them away without mentioning it to you?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Do you really need a lawyer for a restraining order?
> 
> Also you don't have to be threatening, the way I do it I say it with a calm but unlaughing smile on my face and mention the consequences as matter of fact. Seems to work 🤷‍♂️
> 
> Alternatively, you can simply not check your mail. I think mine you can't even fit anymore junk mail, all my important correspondence go through appropriate channels. Speaking of which how did they get your uncles address anyway?


No clue. Isn't it ridiculous to go that route against a pair of old people? It seemed like overkill, plus I don't actually want to hurt them; next thing that gives one/both a heart attack or something.

I kinda have to check my mail 😂. My uncle has been here on business several times a year since I've lived in Texas. We all celebrated birthdays and holidays together, so everyone had each other's information... we were a very close family for at least 15 of 20 years. I don't know if they've been sending him stuff all this time, he hasn't said; he literally only mentioned it today.

I'm still a stranger in a strange land; I don't know the ins and outs of my options. I was recovering from major surgery when DD happened. It's been a rough few years trying to rebuild my health and get my **** together, so I haven't had time to dwell on stuff like that. I thought they'd get the message after over 3 years of silence and stop.

It's been a really weird year...I also found out my ex moved across town with his "whatever' and lives not too far from my house. I thought picking myself up and moving well across town, nearly 2hrs away, would be enough to guarantee a fresh start. 

Oh well, that's just life, huh?


----------



## TXTrini

PieceOfSky said:


> @TXTrini,
> 
> Is your uncle willing to receive their mailings and throw them away without mentioning it to you?


Apparently, he has been; I didn't know about it until today. But that makes no difference; they still send stuff to my house, including valentine's chocolates. I thought they were from my bf until I opened the box and saw the note.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Apparently, he has been; I didn't know about it until today. But that makes no difference; they still send stuff to my house, including valentine's chocolates. I thought they were from my bf until I opened the box and saw the note.


These gifts and cards are not legit? Do these people miss you? I can’t imagine a couple of 80 year olds doing sinister type things.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> These gifts and cards are not legit? Do these people miss you? I can’t imagine a couple of 80 year olds doing sinister type things.


I think they are legit, the message with the chocolate was "we still love you" like I did something wrong. They keep sending e-cards from 3rd party sites with weird cryptic messages. It was driving me nuts trying to figure it out, so I just stopped opening them.

They might miss me, but they don't clearly say anything. What am I supposed to do/say? Honestly, it was really hard for me to walk, because I love them like my own parents. But I can't stay in contact with them, they won't be able to contain themselves and not talk about my ex.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> No clue. Isn't it ridiculous to go that route against a pair of old people? It seemed like overkill, plus I don't actually want to hurt them; next thing that gives one/both a heart attack or something.


I've never had to take it that far, but I would for my own privacy yes. I would simply handle it with more tact without going soft on my boundaries.



> I kinda have to check my mail 😂. My uncle has been here on business several times a year since I've lived in Texas. We all celebrated birthdays and holidays together, so everyone had each other's information... we were a very close family for at least 15 of 20 years. I don't know if they've been sending him stuff all this time, he hasn't said; he literally only mentioned it today.


But how did your ex in-laws get that information?
Wait...


TXTrini said:


> Apparently, he has been; I didn't know about it until today. But that makes no difference; they still send stuff to my house, including valentine's chocolates. I thought they were from my bf until I opened the box and saw the note.


Nevermind 🤦‍♂️



> I'm still a stranger in a strange land; I don't know the ins and outs of my options. I was recovering from major surgery when DD happened. It's been a rough few years trying to rebuild my health and get my **** together, so I haven't had time to dwell on stuff like that. I thought they'd get the message after over 3 years of silence and stop.
> It's been a really weird year...I also found out my ex moved across town with his "whatever' and lives not too far from my house. I thought picking myself up and moving well across town, nearly 2hrs away, would be enough to guarantee a fresh start.
> Oh well, that's just life, huh?


😑

"Honestly, it was really hard for me to walk, because I love them like my own parents."

I think this the issue. Hmmm, how about you write back using a different name claiming to be the new resident of the property and that you do not appreciate junk mail from strangers?


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I've never had to take it that far, but I would for my own privacy yes. I would simply handle it with more tact without going soft on my boundaries.
> 
> But how did your ex in-laws get that information?
> Wait...
> 
> Nevermind 🤦‍♂️
> 
> 😑
> 
> "Honestly, it was really hard for me to walk, because I love them like my own parents."
> 
> I think this the issue. Hmmm, how about you write back using a different name claiming to be the new resident of the property and that you do not appreciate junk mail from strangers?


I already asked them to stop, but they kept on anyway. They aren't physically threatening me, so I think if I requested an RO against a pair of 80 y/o, I'd be laughed out of the police station; it sounds ludicrous even to me 😂. So I don't know what "handle it with more tact without going soft on my boundaries" means in solid action.

I'm not sure, because **** started showing up immediately after I moved in. I know you can easily get people's addresses on the voter registration site if you know someone's full name because I looked myself up to see what precinct I had to vote at and saw it.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I already asked them to stop, but they kept on anyway. They aren't physically threatening me, so I think if I requested an RO against a pair of 80 y/o, I'd be laughed out of the police station; it sounds ludicrous even to me 😂. So I don't know what "handle it with more tact without going soft on my boundaries" means in solid action.
> 
> I'm not sure, because **** started showing up immediately after I moved in. I know you can easily get people's addresses on the voter registration site if you know someone's full name because I looked myself up to see what precinct I had to vote at and saw it.


I would laugh with them too and call myself an awful person for robbing elders of their need to impose themselves on others  but I would still expect them to do their jobs lol

Let them impose on other people I'd say, many are more reciprocal 😇


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I would laugh with them too and call myself an awful person for robbing elders of their need to impose themselves on others  but I would still expect them to do their jobs lol
> 
> Let them impose on other people I'd say, many are more reciprocal 😇


I've read up on civil restraining orders, but the "annoyances" don't yet cross the line to qualify for one. So I've been pretty much waiting for one of them to drop dead and have bigger fish to fry.

I contacted the company that sends monthly magazines to my house after they ignored my request; they won't do anything unless the payer authorizes it. Then a few months ago, I got yet another "gift" subscription addressed to MRS. Xxxxx with love, from Xxxx Xxxxx. 🤦‍♀️.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I've read up on civil restraining orders, but the "annoyances" don't yet cross the line to qualify for one. So I've been pretty much waiting for one of them to drop dead and have bigger fish to fry.


Damn... there must be a solution 



> I contacted the company that sends monthly magazines to my house after they ignored my request; they won't do anything unless the payer authorizes it. Then a few months ago, I got yet another "gift" subscription addressed to MRS. Xxxxx with love, from Xxxx Xxxxx. 🤦‍♀️.


How about the post office? Can you make a case there?









How to stop receiving the previous residents’ mail - F. P. Auto Transport


How to stop receiving the previous residents’ mail. Getting mail that is not addressed to you is usually an annoyance that we sometimes have to deal with.




www.flatpriceautotransport.com





Maybe just try the "new resident" idea first no? Keep trying.
Hell kinda happy no longer use mail


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Damn... there must be a solution
> 
> How about the post office? Can you make a case there?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How to stop receiving the previous residents’ mail - F. P. Auto Transport
> 
> 
> How to stop receiving the previous residents’ mail. Getting mail that is not addressed to you is usually an annoyance that we sometimes have to deal with.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.flatpriceautotransport.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe just try the "new resident" idea first no? Keep trying.
> Hell kinda happy no longer use mail


Sure, if it were the previous resident's mail, it wouldn't be an issue. 

The trouble is all items sent to me are through 3rd party companies, not directly, so I can't block mail originating from them specifically. I'd like to think they're not doing this deliberately because they know I can't do anything about it unless they decide to stop. My exMIL has watched me in my face and lied knowing I knew the truth in her hospital bed after DD, so who knows? 

There's a lot I haven't said about what I've had to deal with from all parties involved for privacy reasons. I just don't care to spend more money and grief dealing with these people.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Sure, if it were the previous resident's mail, it wouldn't be an issue.
> 
> The trouble is all items sent to me are through 3rd party companies, not directly, so I can't block mail originating from them specifically. I'd like to think they're not doing this deliberately because they know I can't do anything about it unless they decide to stop. My exMIL has watched me in my face and lied knowing I knew the truth in her hospital bed after DD, so who knows?
> 
> There's a lot I haven't said about what I've had to deal with from all parties involved for privacy reasons. I just don't care to spend more money and grief dealing with these people.


Well, I would then just get folks to stick to email only and that's that 😅 

This would be a pet peeve of mine though, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes omg. I might be much more confrontational too, the type that all INTJ memes come from


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> Well, I would then just get folks to stick to email only and that's that 😅
> 
> This would be a pet peeve of mine though, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes omg. I might be much more confrontational too, the type that all INTJ memes come from


Well, I'm a hermit who depends on the mail for my deliveries😂. It's a pity I didn't run off to Alaska like I was thinking, it might have been harder to be bothered there, but I have my elderly mom's well-being to consider.

I was tempted, but what good would that do? I didn't want to start a war I didn't care about "winning", just go in peace, you know? Like I said, one way or another this will stop, I'm just venting a little, the holidays have been hard the last few years, but this one was worse, with other crap going on on top of the "usual".


----------



## jlg07

TXTrini said:


> It's my ex in-laws. I ghosted everyone when they turned their backs on me after DD, but they keep sending **** to my new house (I moved across town to a small town) and e-cards from 3rd party sites. I stopped opening them, so now they're sending to my uncle who lives in a foreign country 6000 miles away.


So block them on phone, junk mail them if on email. As for the **** they send, just send it back. The old Elvis song : Return to sender.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Well, I'm a hermit who depends on the mail for my deliveries😂. It's a pity I didn't run off to Alaska like I was thinking, it might have been harder to be bothered there, but I have my elderly mom's well-being to consider.
> 
> I was tempted, but what good would that do? I didn't want to start a war I didn't care about "winning", just go in peace, you know? Like I said, one way or another this will stop, I'm just venting a little, the holidays have been hard the last few years, but this one was worse, with other crap going on on top of the "usual".


Would be messed up if they outlive you and you receive a gift from them on your deathbed 😣 lol


----------



## TXTrini

jlg07 said:


> So block them on phone, junk mail them if on email. As for the **** they send, just send it back. The old Elvis song : Return to sender.


They don't call, e-mail or write directly, or this wouldn't even be an issue. 

Everything is through 3rd parties (not the same every time). I shop online mostly, so don't know who something's from without opening packages and seeing the invoice/note.

At first, I returned to sender, but they kept on coming. After a while, I just threw them away; this has been going on since Jan 2020.



RandomDude said:


> Would be messed up if they outlive you and you receive a gift from them on your deathbed 😣 lol


😂 That would be really screwed up. Oh well, it's their $$$ to waste. Less for the ex to inherit 😂


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> I think they are legit, the message with the chocolate was "we still love you" like I did something wrong. They keep sending e-cards from 3rd party sites with weird cryptic messages. It was driving me nuts trying to figure it out, so I just stopped opening them.
> 
> They might miss me, but they don't clearly say anything. What am I supposed to do/say? Honestly, it was really hard for me to walk, because I love them like my own parents. But I can't stay in contact with them, they won't be able to contain themselves and not talk about my ex.


Gotcha. I think I would do the same and just toss the stuff. It does sound like they miss you and maybe even mean well but moving on is moving on.


----------



## uwe.blab

Have you seen my thread on the Good Girl perfume?


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Gotcha. I think I would do the same and just toss the stuff. It does sound like they miss you and maybe even mean well but moving on is moving on.


It's a horribly emotionally complicated situation, and I've been second-guessing how I'm handling it, so thank you for this.

I've missed them too, we were very close. They chided their own son when he had his EA (in 2011 when I first joined but didn't post) and comforted me, so I guess it cut me to the core when they just went silent after DD. I still love them and don't want to hurt them, but moving on with my life means no contact, so I haven't responded in ANY way. 

It's so weird that I didn't miss my ex when I realized I didn't like or respect him and accepted the divorce, yet it's been hard to process leaving them behind. But, it's affecting my current relationships (not romantic; the extraneous family and friends that come with SOs) now because I'm finding myself less tolerant of other people's human failings and opting out of becoming "too close". 

How have you all handled the fallout of leaving relationships behind without allowing them to affect new ones? I'm very isolated by choice, so maybe it's just me?


----------



## Livvie

TXTrini said:


> It's a horribly emotionally complicated situation, and I've been second-guessing how I'm handling it, so thank you for this.
> 
> I've missed them too, we were very close. They chided their own son when he had his EA (in 2011 when I first joined but didn't post) and comforted me, so I guess it cut me to the core when they just went silent after DD. I still love them and don't want to hurt them, but moving on with my life means no contact, so I haven't responded in ANY way.
> 
> It's so weird that I didn't miss my ex when I realized I didn't like or respect him and accepted the divorce, yet it's been hard to process leaving them behind. But, it's affecting my current relationships (not romantic; the extraneous family and friends that come with SOs) now because I'm finding myself less tolerant of other people's human failings and opting out of becoming "too close".
> 
> How have you all handled the fallout of leaving relationships behind without allowing them to affect new ones? I'm very isolated by choice, so maybe it's just me?


I still love my ex in laws. They are my children's grandparents. We exchange Christmas presents, and my former sister in law and I text a lot and exchange birthday presents, too. At this point I have known them all for 30 years. Their son/brother may have been an asshole I divorced, but I have remained in touch with them. They weren't assholes... just him!


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> It's a horribly emotionally complicated situation, and I've been second-guessing how I'm handling it, so thank you for this.
> 
> I've missed them too, we were very close. They chided their own son when he had his EA (in 2011 when I first joined but didn't post) and comforted me, so I guess it cut me to the core when they just went silent after DD. I still love them and don't want to hurt them, but moving on with my life means no contact, so I haven't responded in ANY way.
> 
> It's so weird that I didn't miss my ex when I realized I didn't like or respect him and accepted the divorce, yet it's been hard to process leaving them behind. But, it's affecting my current relationships (not romantic; the extraneous family and friends that come with SOs) now because I'm finding myself less tolerant of other people's human failings and opting out of becoming "too close".
> 
> How have you all handled the fallout of leaving relationships behind without allowing them to affect new ones? I'm very isolated by choice, so maybe it's just me?


Like Livvie, I have kids involved and I never had any negative issues with my in-laws but I did, for the most part, move on which means I’ve limited contact.

What this looks like in real life is if I end up at a function where they are present everyone gets along and catches up like I never left the family. We are all very kind to each other. I’ve been to two weddings since June involving my exes family and enjoyed myself each time. Even sat at the same table as my ex and was able to laugh and have a good time lol! Unheard of just 5 years ago lol!

Outside of social events, such as weddings, though I have no contact with them. Although we are all friends on Facebook.

As far as any kind of affect on subsequent family members of anyone I’ve dated? There were no affects for me. As a matter of fact, I would love to meet someone who has a huge family because my family was small when I was growing up and I enjoy family gatherings. Much more so now that I’m older, I wasn’t always this way.


----------



## TXTrini

Livvie said:


> I still love my ex in laws. They are my children's grandparents. We exchange Christmas presents, and my former sister in law and I text a lot and exchange birthday presents, too. At this point I have known them all for 30 years. Their son/brother may have been an asshole I divorced, but I have remained in touch with them. They weren't assholes... just him!


I don't know that anyone would consider them particularly good, wholesome people if they knew what I knew, but it no longer matters. Between that stuff, and their ghosting at DD, it was easier to simply keep going, you know? What is there to say now, after so long? Since there were no children, I didn't see a reason to open the door and invite drama back into my life, regardless of nostalgia and latent love. Yet, I'm ambivalent about it still.

Maybe your ex inlaws are simply better people, since you guys have maintained such a good relationship? Did they dump you at some point during the divorce? I don't know your story.



Not said:


> Like Livvie, I have kids involved and I never had any negative issues with my in-laws but I did, for the most part, move on which means I’ve limited contact.
> 
> What this looks like in real life is if I end up at a function where they are present everyone gets along and catches up like I never left the family. We are all very kind to each other. I’ve been to two weddings since June involving my exes family and enjoyed myself each time. Even sat at the same table as my ex and was able to laugh and have a good time lol! Unheard of just 5 years ago lol!
> 
> Outside of social events, such as weddings, though I have no contact with them. Although we are all friends on Facebook.
> 
> As far as any kind of affect on subsequent family members of anyone I’ve dated? There were no affects for me. As a matter of fact, I would love to meet someone who has a huge family because my family was small when I was growing up and I enjoy family gatherings. Much more so now that I’m older, I wasn’t always this way.


That's wonderful. You're a better person than me, I'm not good at keeping up pretenses and laughing it up with people I don't like. How long has it been since your divorce?

Btw, I forgot to congratulate you the other day, I saw you're now a Glam-Ma!

I'm working on the gatherings part 😆, I used to like them when I was younger but started dreading them due to family drama and dodging too-personal questions. But I have spent the last 2 Thanksgivings with my bf's extended family, and it was nice if draining. This time I took a dish to their potluck celebration, and thankfully no-one's questioning was too intrusive, even his super nosy aunt (who was mortally offended I didn't try her stuffing 😂).

It helped that his family's holidays are so much different than I'd been used to, even so, the holidays are still rough. I suppose all this nostalgia is simply part of my year-end introspection to clear mental space for the new year in my journey to more stability. 

What are everyone's plans for the New Year?


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> What are everyone's plans for the New Year?


Molest Lady Conan at a much higher rate and buy a house in Texas.

I'm confident in my ability to accomplish both goals.😎


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> Molest Lady Conan at a much higher rate and buy a house in Texas.
> 
> I'm confident in my ability to accomplish both goals.😎


I have similar plans!

I hope you two find your home soon, which part of Texas are you guys looking?


----------



## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> I have similar plans!
> 
> I hope you two find your home soon, which part of Texas are you guys looking?


Central. Between Austin and Waco close to the 35 corridor.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

TXTrini said:


> I love reading about you guys, the love and compassion that radiates from your posts especially touch me and give me hope. I had one of those landmines this weekend, and we've gotten so much better at navigating them together. The holidays are really hard for me, and now for my bf, they tend to emphasize all the things we lost and can't have again.
> 
> We've been trying to build new traditions together, and we're happy in the moment, but it's hard to keep fighting sometimes when people outside our relationship are determined to keep a grip on us.
> 
> How do you fully let go of the past when people don't want to let go of you?


One of the greatest challenges of letting go is that the past can keep things that are not addressed attached.

What we carry forward can always be addressed in a healthy way, we have good baggage and bad both, but of course there is a weight limit as we travel in the present and living the heart you want seems to be a great filter for that we carry.

When it feels like I need to question what I'm carrying, my first inclination always seems to drift to an Eagle's lyric:

"Heaven knows it wasn't you who held me down, heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free.
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we had the key".

It is not always people here that this reflects on, it is often just life's experiences and emotions that pass us, we just never invite them in for tea as we appreciate the moment and hold on loosely to those emotions that should be the most fleeting (frustration, anger, distrust, resentment, negativity in general).

There will also be times when it is people around us, when it involves others that hold on to their hurt (or continually create new hurt), try to pull you in. Then we have to remember that we have to compassionately let go with clarity to prevent creating co-dependencies that will complicate with what seems endless circles.

As my mother enters her final days, I am reminded how short life is and how it is hard to not allow the feeling of regret in not finding the love I have now much sooner. We go through a lot to get where we are, I choose today to thank those who have challenged me to find a path that leads me to be the best me I can be today in a love that truly has a place.

When you look at it, many of the people in our past who seem determined to not let go aren't doing it for us, they are doing it for them. The reasons may be many, but if they loved themselves more they would readily let go, so look to them with compassion as you enforce your healthy boundaries with understanding that letting go is very much an act of love, even if not understood by those who are let go.

Not all will "get it", the important thing is that we make the right effort to "get it" (understand).

The good heart will follow...


----------



## TXTrini

Emerging Buddhist said:


> One of the greatest challenges of letting go is that the past can keep things that are not addressed attached.
> 
> What we carry forward can always be addressed in a healthy way, we have good baggage and bad both, but of course there is a weight limit as we travel in the present and living the heart you want seems to be a great filter for that we carry.
> 
> When it feels like I need to question what I'm carrying, my first inclination always seems to drift to an Eagle's lyric:
> 
> "Heaven knows it wasn't you who held me down, heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free.
> So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we had the key".
> 
> It is not always people here that this reflects on, it is often just life's experiences and emotions that pass us, we just never invite them in for tea as we appreciate the moment and hold on loosely to those emotions that should be the most fleeting (frustration, anger, distrust, resentment, negativity in general).
> 
> There will also be times when it is people around us, when it involves others that hold on to their hurt (or continually create new hurt), try to pull you in. Then we have to remember that we have to compassionately let go with clarity to prevent creating co-dependencies that will complicate with what seems endless circles.
> 
> As my mother enters her final days, I am reminded how short life is and how it is hard to not allow the feeling of regret in not finding the love I have now much sooner. We go through a lot to get where we are, I choose today to thank those who have challenged me to find a path that leads me to be the best me I can be today in a love that truly has a place.
> 
> When you look at it, many of the people in our past who seem determined to not let go aren't doing it for us, they are doing it for them. The reasons may be many, but if they loved themselves more they would readily let go, so look to them with compassion as you enforce your healthy boundaries with understanding that letting go is very much an act of love, even if not understood by those who are let go.
> 
> Not all will "get it", the important thing is that we make the right effort to "get it" (understand).
> 
> The good heart will follow...


I was hoping you would post @Emerging Buddhist; your kindness when explaining things always humbles me, I wish more people were like you. Especially now, with time being so precious to you, thank you. I wondered why I hadn't seen you or @Affaircare around much. I hope your mom goes peacefully, and surround by love. It's never easy to say goodbye, is it? Regardless of the reason why.

I suppose this is so hard because I've felt a lot of guilt for ignoring people who were a part of my life for so long. I don't maintain the silence out of spite, it's very painful after all, but it's what I needed to be ok with accepting my new life and moving forward. Maybe this shows how much more work I need to do, I still have weak moments when I find it hard to accept things that weren't my choice. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that my hand was forced and happy for the blessings that have come into my life since. Sometimes it's just a really, long, hard road to keep fighting simply to not to life experiences change who you want to be. I feel like a Johnny Cash song sometimes


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I suppose this is so hard because I've felt a lot of guilt for ignoring people who were a part of my life for so long.


I don't 😅


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I don't 😅


Yeah, but you're a self-described sociopath...


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> Yeah, but you're a self-described sociopath...


I'd like to think I just have some sociopathic traits but otherwise quite normal 😇

Besides I'm obviously capable of love and loss.


----------



## LisaDiane

Emerging Buddhist said:


> One of the greatest challenges of letting go is that the past can keep things that are not addressed attached.
> 
> What we carry forward can always be addressed in a healthy way, we have good baggage and bad both, but of course there is a weight limit as we travel in the present and living the heart you want seems to be a great filter for that we carry.
> 
> When it feels like I need to question what I'm carrying, my first inclination always seems to drift to an Eagle's lyric:
> 
> "Heaven knows it wasn't you who held me down, heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free.
> So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we had the key".
> 
> It is not always people here that this reflects on, it is often just life's experiences and emotions that pass us, we just never invite them in for tea as we appreciate the moment and hold on loosely to those emotions that should be the most fleeting (frustration, anger, distrust, resentment, negativity in general).
> 
> There will also be times when it is people around us, when it involves others that hold on to their hurt (or continually create new hurt), try to pull you in. Then we have to remember that we have to compassionately let go with clarity to prevent creating co-dependencies that will complicate with what seems endless circles.
> 
> As my mother enters her final days, I am reminded how short life is and how it is hard to not allow the feeling of regret in not finding the love I have now much sooner. We go through a lot to get where we are, I choose today to thank those who have challenged me to find a path that leads me to be the best me I can be today in a love that truly has a place.
> 
> When you look at it, many of the people in our past who seem determined to not let go aren't doing it for us, they are doing it for them. The reasons may be many, but if they loved themselves more they would readily let go, so look to them with compassion as you enforce your healthy boundaries with understanding that letting go is very much an act of love, even if not understood by those who are let go.
> 
> Not all will "get it", the important thing is that we make the right effort to "get it" (understand).
> 
> The good heart will follow...


Your posts always challenge me, which I consider a blessing. As you walk your path, I wish peace, acceptance, and love will surround you and @Affaircare during this difficult time! 💕


----------



## TXTrini

RandomDude said:


> I'd like to think I just have some sociopathic traits but otherwise quite normal 😇
> 
> Besides I'm obviously capable of love and loss.


I'm glad to see the shift in your thinking, you sound like you're in a better frame of mind.


----------



## RandomDude

TXTrini said:


> I'm glad to see the shift in your thinking, you sound like you're in a better frame of mind.


I think I'm just more self-aware these days, and INTJ is a better identifier than sociopath 😅










Pieces can be removed 🤭
Including remnants of exs' lives


----------



## Not

Alright I need advice. Been trying to figure this one out on my own but I’m hitting a brick wall.

Been talking to my co-workers friend since last week. We’re supposed to meet for dinner tomorrow. He knows nothing about the Tank story. My problem is they grew up in the same town.

As of 2020 the population of this town was 230 so it was even smaller back in the 80’s when they were growing up. Everybody knows everybody there. I have to say something. Right? New guy friended me on facebook and I saw that Tank had “liked” some pictures of new guys bike but this was back in 2012.

Or do I keep it to myself until I see where this is going?

This is really bothering me and I’m having trouble thinking straight on this one. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Alright I need advice. Been trying to figure this one out on my own but I’m hitting a brick wall.
> 
> Been talking to my co-workers friend since last week. We’re supposed to meet for dinner tomorrow. He knows nothing about the Tank story. My problem is they grew up in the same town.
> 
> As of 2020 the population of this town was 230 so it was even smaller back in the 80’s when they were growing up. Everybody knows everybody there. I have to say something. Right? New guy friended me on facebook and I saw that Tank had “liked” some pictures of new guys bike but this was back in 2012.
> 
> Or do I keep it to myself until I see where this is going?
> 
> This is really bothering me and I’m having trouble thinking straight on this one. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.


😣 

Yeah what if they are mates and he uploads pics of you guys together on FB or something and Tank sees it 😑
It's one thing if you guys are on speaking terms but it's very complex right now...

I have no advice and I don't want to say what I would do 😓


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> 😣
> 
> Yeah what if they are mates and he uploads pics of you guys together on FB or something and Tank sees it 😑
> It's one thing if you guys are on speaking terms but it's very complex right now...
> 
> I have no advice and I don't want to say what I would do 😓


You can say it to me Random, I’m a tough chick.

When I first realized they were from the same town I almost exited the situation but after thinking on it I changed my mind.

New guy runs in a completely different world than Tank does socially and professionally. New guy used to work in my town as a city official and is now vice president of the company he’s with. He’s more cultured than Tank. Tank is a blue collar average Joe who never got out in the world and is more red neck. New guy is a country boy but with some class. I mention all this to point out the fact that they exist on different levels.

I haven’t asked obviously but I’m assuming they aren’t close. I can’t see the new guys friends list on Facebook so I don’t know if he is even friends with tank anymore. I’m nervous to ask about it.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> I feel like a Johnny Cash song sometimes…


My freshman year in college a guy lived across from me who loved Johnny Cash. I fancied myself a “shredder” guitar player and I couldn’t get over how lame and corny those songs were. I’d learn the song in like 2 minutes. Took me 20 years to appreciate.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> You can say it to me Random, I’m a tough chick.
> 
> When I first realized they were from the same town I almost exited the situation but after thinking on it I changed my mind.


I would leave it because of the awkwardness. But I didn't want you to leave it because this is promising. And it's good you're not.



> New guy runs in a completely different world than Tank does socially and professionally. New guy used to work in my town as a city official and is now vice president of the company he’s with. He’s more cultured than Tank. Tank is a blue collar average Joe who never got out in the world and is more red neck. New guy is a country boy but with some class. I mention all this to point out the fact that they exist on different levels.


So if a photo of you shows up in Tank's feed, you are fine with it? Just curious due to the all the... 'security' issues that you have been having.



> I haven’t asked obviously but I’m assuming they aren’t close. *I can’t see the new guys friends list on Facebook* so I don’t know if he is even friends with tank anymore. I’m nervous to ask about it.


Get your friend who introduced you to take a peak. Say it's dealbreaker stuff. Stalking Background research is important!!! 😑


----------



## Livvie

Who is going to make the Singles 2023 Edition new thread?


----------



## RandomDude

Livvie said:


> Who is going to make the Singles 2023 Edition new thread?


Thank you for volunteering @Livvie 🤗


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> I would leave it because of the awkwardness. But I didn't want you to leave it because this is promising. And it's good you're not.
> 
> 
> 
> So if a photo of you shows up in Tank's feed, you are fine with it? Just curious due to the all the... 'security' issues that you have been having.
> 
> 
> 
> Get your friend who introduced you to take a peak. Say it's dealbreaker stuff. Stalking Background research is important!!! 😑


With the Facebook issue, he has it set to where only he can see his friends list. None of the rest of us can. I have mine set the same way. The only friends of his that I can see on his list are mutual friends.

If I were to start dating this guy, he and I would have to figure out the best way to handle this. Actually, I would probably insist that he removes tank as a FB friend for my security. 

I don’t know. I get to thinking that the situation is just too much trouble and it makes me want to back out but at the same time I might be losing out on a chance of something good. I’m tired of worrying about it so maybe I should just say something and get it done and over with. Let the chips fall where they may.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> With the Facebook issue, he has it set to where only he can see his friends list. None of the rest of us can. I have mine set the same way. The only friends of his that I can see on his list are mutual friends.
> 
> If I were to start dating this guy, he and I would have to figure out the best way to handle this. Actually, I would probably insist that he removes tank as a FB friend for my security.
> 
> I don’t know. I get to thinking that the situation is just too much trouble and it makes me want to back out but at the same time I might be losing out on a chance of something good. I’m tired of worrying about it so maybe I should just say something and get it done and over with. Let the chips fall where they may.


Maybe ask your friend if she can ask him to see his friend list just for your security because of a stalker ex (important - make sure you and your friend don't mention who).

If I hear that from a friend hooking me up I would be like "0.o ... but ok..." 🤷‍♂️


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Maybe ask your friend if she can ask him to see his friend list just for your security because of a stalker ex (important - make sure you and your friend don't mention who).
> 
> If I hear that from a friend hooking me up I would be like "0.o ... but ok..." 🤷‍♂️


I would but she doesn’t know anything about tank and what all happened. I don’t want to bring her into the loop. She’s my coworker in another department but we don’t socialize outside of work.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I would but she doesn’t know anything about tank and what all happened. I don’t want to bring her into the loop. She’s my coworker in another department but we don’t socialize outside of work.


Ok, how about go on the date and tell the guy about a stalker ex and if you can go through his friend list for your own security. It may be abit intrusive yes, but rely on your instinct, feel him out and predict his response, maybe he would understand. Decide later.


----------



## jlg07

@Not , my two pennies -- have a few dates (not MONTHS) with the guy to see if it IS going in a good direction, then you can bring up the fact that Tank/Stalking story.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Not said:


> This is really bothering me and I’m having trouble thinking straight on this one. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.


I find the embarrassing and humiliating part confusing. You’ve done nothing wrong here. Can you be kinder to yourself?

Life is short. You deserve good experiences.

If this thread has taught me anything, it is that a good match is hard to find. You have reason to believe new guy has potential, from what you’ve said.

If someone like Tank is in your head and causing fears that are holding you back, then that is a problem to be solved (somehow, and safely over time). Are you afraid for your safety, if new guy posts something on Facebook about your first in person date? Or if it works out, and a relationship develops? I’m not sure I understand what your concerns are, but I’m sure they are valid and you are wise to consider them. I’m hesitant to suggest much specific considering my ignorance here.

But I will offer that it seems reasonable to me to tell new guy that you happened to realize he may know someone you used to see, and that it didn’t end well, and there had been some stalkish behavior towards you. And that you’d appreciate it if he didn’t post anything about you for now on social media — if that’s something you are concerned about in the short term. Or that you thought he deserved to know upfront — if that’s how you feel.

If new guy is a good guy and you two have potential, then I’d assume he’d welcome honesty and directness about any concerns you have. You of course get to decide the pace of sharing information about yourself.


----------



## LATERILUS79

@Not, I would just get it over with quickly and then you don’t have to worry about it. Tell new guy you made a mistake and dated Tank for awhile and it didn’t work out. He has massive issues and was able to hide them for a bit… but then he showed his true colors and you had to get out of there.

mention the small town and let him know you figure they knew each other. Tell him that you wanted to get out in front of this so that there would be no awkwardness.

nothing here to be embarrassed or humiliated about. Find your person. Live your life. You deserve it.


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> @Not, I would just get it over with quickly and then you don’t have to worry about it. Tell new guy you made a mistake and dated Tank for awhile and it didn’t work out. He has massive issues and was able to hide them for a bit… but then he showed his true colors and you had to get out of there.
> 
> mention the small town and let him know you figure they knew each other. Tell him that you wanted to get out in front of this so that there would be no awkwardness.
> 
> nothing here to be embarrassed or humiliated about. Find your person. Live your life. You deserve it.


Unless he is mates with him and mates talk. I wouldn't let a stalker ex any potential entry back into my life.

Hence I reckon it's best not to identify tank as the ex until Not is very sure about the level of their relationship, and I wouldn't take his word for it either. Check his friend list and come up with own conclusions.


----------



## RandomDude

Bloody hell, why am I so messed up... fbuddy wasn't supposed to respond, now that she did I don't know what to do with her, I actually want to just ghost her again but who else am I supposed to F unless I go back on the apps not to mention it just ain't cool to ghost her twice.


----------



## Not

PieceOfSky said:


> I find the embarrassing and humiliating part confusing. You’ve done nothing wrong here. Can you be kinder to yourself?
> 
> Life is short. You deserve good experiences.
> 
> If this thread has taught me anything, it is that a good match is hard to find. You have reason to believe new guy has potential, from what you’ve said.
> 
> If someone like Tank is in your head and causing fears that are holding you back, then that is a problem to be solved (somehow, and safely over time). Are you afraid for your safety, if new guy posts something on Facebook about your first in person date? Or if it works out, and a relationship develops? I’m not sure I understand what your concerns are, but I’m sure they are valid and you are wise to consider them. I’m hesitant to suggest much specific considering my ignorance here.
> 
> But I will offer that it seems reasonable to me to tell new guy that you happened to realize he may know someone you used to see, and that it didn’t end well, and there had been some stalkish behavior towards you. And that you’d appreciate it if he didn’t post anything about you for now on social media — if that’s something you are concerned about in the short term. Or that you thought he deserved to know upfront — if that’s how you feel.
> 
> If new guy is a good guy and you two have potential, then I’d assume he’d welcome honesty and directness about any concerns you have. You of course get to decide the pace of sharing information about yourself.


It’s humiliating because I’m 50 years old and have had this happen. I know it’s not my fault. I always treated him with nothing but kindness and respect but at the same time it doesn’t color me in a very good light. This has actually been one of my concerns with getting out there dating again. That men will think there must be something wrong with me without getting to know me first. Not that I would even tell very many people about this, just the ones that I felt actually need to know.

As far as my main concern goes yes it is my safety. Tank is mentally unbalanced and I honestly genuinely believe that if he finds out I’m dating someone from his hometown he will believe that I’m doing it purposely to poke the bear. That it’s a personal attack on him. That is how this man thinks and is why this it’s getting under my skin so bad. He has a temper. He doesn’t do this with just me, when I was with him he did this with everyone. In his world, everyone is out to screw him over.


----------



## Not

LATERILUS79 said:


> @Not, I would just get it over with quickly and then you don’t have to worry about it. Tell new guy you made a mistake and dated Tank for awhile and it didn’t work out. He has massive issues and was able to hide them for a bit… but then he showed his true colors and you had to get out of there.
> 
> mention the small town and let him know you figure they knew each other. Tell him that you wanted to get out in front of this so that there would be no awkwardness.
> 
> nothing here to be embarrassed or humiliated about. Find your person. Live your life. You deserve it.


I agree and I think I’m actually going to say something this morning before we even meet for dinner. There is a whole crew of people from that small town who I’m suspecting are on the new guys Facebook friends list. I’m going to tell him that at least for now FB is a no go.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Bloody hell, why am I so messed up... fbuddy wasn't supposed to respond, now that she did I don't know what to do with her, I actually want to just ghost her again but who else am I supposed to F unless I go back on the apps not to mention it just ain't cool to ghost her twice.


First world problems lol!

I can definitely relate though. For the last year I would do the same thing after I would start talking to a new man. For whatever reason my interest would suddenly plummet and I’d end the conversation or end it after the first date.

you and I both just went through break ups. I wonder if all of this is related to some kind of broken heart syndrome. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## minimalME

@Not, my opinion is to not say anything.

To me, what’s going on inside you is a combination of fear and control.

You’re afraid of the possibility of gossip, and you’re trying to manage how others view you.

You haven’t done anything wrong, and this person is a stranger. It’s none of his business.

If, at some point, he has questions, and he respectfully asks, then you can decide what he needs to know.

It seems like you’re feeling pressure and you want a release. If sharing here doesn’t do that for you, do you have trusted friends you could confide in?

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you have an enjoyable evening. 🙂


----------



## Not

minimalME said:


> @Not, my opinion is to not say anything.
> 
> To me, what’s going on inside you is a combination of fear and control.
> 
> You’re afraid of the possibility of gossip, and you’re trying to manage how others view you.
> 
> You haven’t done anything wrong, and this person is a stranger. It’s none of his business.
> 
> If, at some point, he has questions, and he respectfully asks, then you can decide what he needs to know.
> 
> It seems like you’re feeling pressure and you want a release. If sharing here doesn’t do that for you, do you have trusted friends you could confide in?
> 
> Whatever you decide to do, I hope you have an enjoyable evening. 🙂


Well that is definitely one way to look at it. The fear part, yep. After everything I went through with him I will always be on guard as far as he is concerned. But when does that end right? It needs to end.

Control? Most likely but I think it’s more of my need to guard myself as far as that goes. I don’t want tank having access to me in any way, shape or form. I do tend to try to get on top of problems when I see them first forming before I even know for sure that it will be a problem. I will have a solution before the **** hits the fan lol! But I do this with everything. Serves me well at work! 😁

Thanks minimal, food for thought.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Alright I need advice. Been trying to figure this one out on my own but I’m hitting a brick wall.
> 
> Been talking to my co-workers friend since last week. We’re supposed to meet for dinner tomorrow. He knows nothing about the Tank story. My problem is they grew up in the same town.
> 
> As of 2020 the population of this town was 230 so it was even smaller back in the 80’s when they were growing up. Everybody knows everybody there. I have to say something. Right? New guy friended me on facebook and I saw that Tank had “liked” some pictures of new guys bike but this was back in 2012.
> 
> Or do I keep it to myself until I see where this is going?
> 
> This is really bothering me and I’m having trouble thinking straight on this one. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.


Yikes!! What a horrid coincidence! Girl I don't know what to tell you, I hope some people can come along with advice.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Well that is definitely one way to look at it. The fear part, yep. After everything I went through with him I will always be on guard as far as he is concerned. But when does that end right? It needs to end.
> 
> Control? Most likely but I think it’s more of my need to guard myself as far as that goes. I don’t want tank having access to me in any way, shape or form. I do tend to try to get on top of problems when I see them first forming before I even know for sure that it will be a problem. I will have a solution before the **** hits the fan lol! But I do this with everything. Serves me well at work! 😁
> 
> Thanks minimal, food for thought.


Hmmm... I totally get your concern. I wouldn't want Tank to get access in any way to me if I were you. Depending on how closely they're associated, quote frankly I'd be sideeying new guy. You remember the saying "Birds of a feather flock together "? I totally judge people by their chosen associations, but that's me. I didn't want to color your mind until I saw these later posts.


----------



## jlg07

Hey @Not, did you ever get a restraining order against Tank?


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Hmmm... I totally get your concern. I wouldn't want Tank to get access in any way to me if I were you. Depending on how closely they're associated, quote frankly I'd be sideeying new guy. You remember the saying "Birds of a feather flock together "? I totally judge people by their chosen associations, but that's me. I didn't want to color your mind until I saw these later posts.


Yep, that has crossed my mind too but I have discovered this man is actually a pretty good judge of character so I have hope and that’s why I’m giving this a chance. I have other mutual acquaintances with this new guy and he has pegged a few of them very accurately as shady or full of themselves.

Tank and new guy grew up on opposite sides of the tracks, so to speak so I’m willing to give this some time.


----------



## Not

jlg07 said:


> Hey @Not, did you ever get a restraining order against Tank?


No, but not for lack of trying. Without photographic evidence I could have filed for a restraining order and received one but tank could’ve had it thrown out very easily. My fault for not listening to everyone here sooner and getting these cameras up sooner. My dumb ass had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that he was doing these things.


----------



## Not

Part of what has me feeling this urgency to say something is I think Tank may have already heard something. This is the third time this has happened since June. The last time was mid August. Someone is trying to log into my account. No one in my personal life even knows that I am on this app other than my daughters. So yeah, I’m feeling very much on guard again. I really hope this is just a fluke.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> Part of what has me feeling this urgency to say something is I think Tank may have already heard something. This is the third time this has happened since June. The last time was mid August. Someone is trying to log into my account. No one in my personal life even knows that I am on this app other than my daughters. So yeah, I’m feeling very much on guard again. I really hope this is just a fluke.
> View attachment 95043


Wtf man! I can't imagine going to these lengths to keep tabs on someone.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> Wtf man! I can't imagine going to these lengths to keep tabs on someone.


I don’t know how the hell to handle this with new guy. Maybe I should walk away.

I know exactly what caused it too. New guy friended me on Facebook last week but I have not liked any of his pictures or commented on his page until Wednesday this week. Wednesday was new guys birthday and I wished him a happy birthday along with about 160 other people. Then this happens the very next day.

Talk to new guy or walk?


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> I don’t know how the hell to handle this with new guy. Maybe I should walk away.
> 
> I know exactly what caused it too. New guy friended me on Facebook last week but I have not liked any of his pictures or commented on his page until Wednesday this week. Wednesday was new guys birthday and I wished him a happy birthday along with about 160 other people. Then this happens the very next day.
> 
> Talk to new guy or walk?


Walk...?? Why would you do that if you like him, don't you want to give him a chance to care about and support you? 

What if he surprises you and is awesome about it...?

I say talk to him.


----------



## Affaircare

@Not ,

You’re a grown person. How about if you just close your FB, and if you want to get new guy a birthday wish you send old fashioned snail mail? 😛

I mean if new guy is a good person, just live in real life with him and not on social media. I understand that it’s a way to stay in touch with friends and relatives far away—that’s what I do—but you can choose to live a life OFF of Facebook.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

LisaDiane said:


> Walk...?? Why would you do that if you like him, don't you want to give him a chance to care about and support you?
> 
> What if he surprises you and is awesome about it...?
> 
> I say talk to him.


I agree... and as AC said, keep these more personal and less public.


----------



## Not

LisaDiane said:


> Walk...?? Why would you do that if you like him, don't you want to give him a chance to care about and support you?
> 
> What if he surprises you and is awesome about it...?
> 
> I say talk to him.


This is the part that’s embarrassing to me. Look what kind of drama and chaos I’m bringing along with me.

part of me is telling me to walk because I don’t know that there are very many people out there who would accept something like this into their lives, and I don’t blame them.

I guess I’ll say some thing and just see what happens and hope for the best.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I don’t know how the hell to handle this with new guy. Maybe I should walk away.
> 
> I know exactly what caused it too. New guy friended me on Facebook last week but I have not liked any of his pictures or commented on his page until Wednesday this week. Wednesday was new guys birthday and I wished him a happy birthday along with about 160 other people. Then this happens the very next day.
> 
> Talk to new guy or walk?


How about just not becoming social media friends? You don't even know new guy, to give him that much access to your personal information. My bf and I didn't exchange socials until we were official (6 months into seeing each other). 

I don't think walking away is a good idea... yet. I do empathize though, it must have been scary to deal with Tanks psycho ****.


----------



## Not

Affaircare said:


> @Not ,
> 
> You’re a grown person. How about if you just close your FB, and if you want to get new guy a birthday wish you send old fashioned snail mail? 😛
> 
> I mean if new guy is a good person, just live in real life with him and not on social media. I understand that it’s a way to stay in touch with friends and relatives far away—that’s what I do—but you can choose to live a life OFF of Facebook.


That has already crossed my mind. The complication for me with that is we have a private Facebook group for work and we use it every single day to communicate with our employees. The situation with this industry is such that we don’t see a lot of our employees on a daily basis so we use this for communication purposes. But yes, I will be telling the new guy there will be no more interacting on Facebook for me. I don’t use it that much anyway for personal use.


----------



## Not

TXTrini said:


> How about just not becoming social media friends? You don't even know new guy, to give him that much access to your personal information. My bf and I didn't exchange socials until we were official (6 months into seeing each other).
> 
> I don't think walking away is a good idea... yet. I do empathize though, it must have been scary to deal with Tanks psycho ****.


 I don’t post much on my personal page at all. So there’s not a whole lot there for anyone to see. I’ve never gotten into Facebook as most people do. But yes, the Facebook part of this budding friendship has to go.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> Alright I need advice. Been trying to figure this one out on my own but I’m hitting a brick wall.
> 
> Been talking to my co-workers friend since last week. We’re supposed to meet for dinner tomorrow. He knows nothing about the Tank story. My problem is they grew up in the same town.
> 
> As of 2020 the population of this town was 230 so it was even smaller back in the 80’s when they were growing up. Everybody knows everybody there. I have to say something. Right? New guy friended me on facebook and I saw that Tank had “liked” some pictures of new guys bike but this was back in 2012.
> 
> Or do I keep it to myself until I see where this is going?
> 
> This is really bothering me and I’m having trouble thinking straight on this one. It’s embarrassing and humiliating.


You’ve known this guy a week. I don’t think you owe him anything yet.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> @Not, I would just get it over with quickly and then you don’t have to worry about it. Tell new guy you made a mistake and dated Tank for awhile and it didn’t work out. He has massive issues and was able to hide them for a bit… but then he showed his true colors and you had to get out of there.
> 
> mention the small town and let him know you figure they knew each other. Tell him that you wanted to get out in front of this so that there would be no awkwardness.
> 
> nothing here to be embarrassed or humiliated about. Find your person. Live your life. You deserve it.


She might run new guy off. ‘Drama already’, is what I’d be thinking.


----------



## Not

RebuildingMe said:


> She might run new guy off. ‘Drama already’, is what I’d be thinking.


And there we go. This is what I’m facing. Makes me want to throw in the towel.


----------



## jlg07

Not said:


> This is the part that’s embarrassing to me. Look what kind of drama and chaos I’m bringing along with me.
> 
> part of me is telling me to walk because I don’t know that there are very many people out there who would accept something like this into their lives, and I don’t blame them.
> 
> I guess I’ll say some thing and just see what happens and hope for the best.


YOU didn't cause this. YOU shouldn't feel guilty because Tank is a stalker.


----------



## RebuildingMe

Not said:


> And there we go. This is what I’m facing. Makes me want to throw in the towel.


No, not at all. Don’t throw in any of your towels. I just don’t think you should talk about crazy exs unless/until you have to. It’s too soon, IMO.


----------



## jlg07

Not said:


> And there we go. This is what I’m facing. Makes me want to throw in the towel.


So if this is what you are worried about, seriously -- JUST GO ON A DATE with the guy first. You may be thinking of "confessing" when he may NOT be what you are really looking for.
IF the date goes well, I bet within a date or two after, you will be talking about people that you may both know, etc., and THEN you can bring it up. My advice -- when you bring it up do NOT take ANY responsibility for it happening (like I said, it's not your fault). Just tell the story straight -- he started changing, turned into this control freak, and when you broke it off, he started stalking you and doing things around your house. DON'T fall on your sword for this AT ALL.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I don’t post much on my personal page at all. So there’s not a whole lot there for anyone to see. I’ve never gotten into Facebook as most people do. But yes, the Facebook part of this budding friendship has to go.


I don't either, but even so I don't add people often and not immediately. Then again, I'm a very private person, and it feels weird to invite someone to look at my pics, etc 😆 



Not said:


> And there we go. This is what I’m facing. Makes me want to throw in the towel.


Just meet the man, see if you like each other. You have no idea if you guys will want to see each other again yet. While I'm all for full disclosure, it's never a good idea to information dump on anyone you just met.

Everyone has drama or baggage of some kind, they reveal it as you get to know them.


----------



## RebuildingMe

jlg07 said:


> So if this is what you are worried about, seriously -- JUST GO ON A DATE with the guy first. You may be thinking of "confessing" when he may NOT be what you are really looking for.
> IF the date goes well, I bet within a date or two after, you will be talking about people that you may both know, etc., and THEN you can bring it up. My advice -- when you bring it up do NOT take ANY responsibility for it happening (like I said, it's not your fault). Just tell the story straight -- he started changing, turned into this control freak, and when you broke it off, he started stalking you and doing things around your house. DON'T fall on your sword for this AT ALL.


Agree 100%. They’ll be time to talk about the crazy ex’s down the road, should to relationship progress. Just don’t sabotage it before it begins.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Not said:


> It’s humiliating because I’m 50 years old and have had this happen. I know it’s not my fault. I always treated him with nothing but kindness and respect but at the same time it doesn’t color me in a very good light. This has actually been one of my concerns with getting out there dating again. That men will think there must be something wrong with me without getting to know me first. Not that I would even tell very many people about this, just the ones that I felt actually need to know.


You still have nothing to be humiliated or embarrassed about.

you were married for 25 years and got married at 19 years old. If I met someone like that, I would assume they don’t have a ton of dating experience (much like myself). No big deal.
What about all the people that have been married 3 and 4 times? That is much worse. 
you dated a man that hid his crazy from you for a long time. When it showed up, you got out.

from this man’s perspective, you played it perfectly like a grown adult should. I certainly don’t think any less of you and I doubt other men would either.


----------



## LisaDiane

Not said:


> This is the part that’s embarrassing to me. Look what kind of drama and chaos I’m bringing along with me.
> 
> part of me is telling me to walk because I don’t know that there are very many people out there who would accept something like this into their lives, and I don’t blame them.
> 
> I guess I’ll say some thing and just see what happens and hope for the best.


I know how you feel, believe me. You want to push him away and give up instead of taking the risk that he will reject you if you open up to him. 

But you aren't even giving him a chance to see the drama and pick you anyway...if you keep doing that, you won't find anyone who really cares about you. You must take that risk if you want the possibility of the reward. 

Being strong is also facing your fears and being open and vulnerable emotionally.


----------



## Not

I hear what you guys are saying. I’m stressing over this I know. The big baby part of me wants to throw a fit and whine about how unfair it is but it is what it is.

I’m a very transparent person. I know my stress on this topic is going to show through no matter how hard I try to suppress it.

I just got off the phone with new guy. We are going to try to meet for drinks later this evening. So here we go. Time to see if I can pull this off and be neutral yet cheerful.


----------



## TXTrini

Not said:


> I hear what you guys are saying. I’m stressing over this I know. The big baby part of me wants to throw a fit and whine about how unfair it is but it is what it is.
> 
> I’m a very transparent person. I know my stress on this topic is going to show through no matter how hard I try to suppress it.
> 
> I just got off the phone with new guy. We are going to try to meet for drinks later this evening. So here we go. Time to see if I can pull this off and be neutral yet cheerful.


Girl, don't overthink things. Just go and focus on having a good time! 

I know, easier said than done but go do something... your nails, hair, rub one out, whatever.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> First world problems lol!
> 
> I can definitely relate though. For the last year I would do the same thing after I would start talking to a new man. For whatever reason my interest would suddenly plummet and I’d end the conversation or end it after the first date.
> 
> you and I both just went through break ups. I wonder if all of this is related to some kind of broken heart syndrome. 🤷‍♀️


It seems to be getting worse, like when I first went back to dating it wasn't like this, now the very thought of it is just... 🤢

I just can't get back into it, I'm trying but I feel I'm going to disappoint but I'm also hoping this is just a phase during texting and if we meet up my other brain will take over and it would be fine.

I know I will regret it if I ghost her again, it took me four months of BS dating to find her who knows how long it would take next time. Also the only reason she responded is because of the opportunity she gave me, not all women would be open to sex on first date and I would never have got a second date if we didn't hook up.

Yet I just so can't be bothered 😫


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> I hear what you guys are saying. I’m stressing over this I know. The big baby part of me wants to throw a fit and whine about how unfair it is but it is what it is.
> 
> I’m a very transparent person. I know my stress on this topic is going to show through no matter how hard I try to suppress it.
> 
> I just got off the phone with new guy. We are going to try to meet for drinks later this evening. So here we go. Time to see if I can pull this off and be neutral yet cheerful.


Just go with your gut and let things develop. Also, no photos until you get to the bottom of it. Have fun!


----------



## Lila

@Not my vote is to go on your date and keep things at the 30,000 foot above ground level. 

This is date zero. The only goal should be to find out if there's enough mutual attraction to want to invest time into knowing more about each other. That's it. I'm assuming you've vetted him for hard no's so on this date have fun, flirt if you like, but keep it casual otherwise. 

Personally, I don't take pictures with guys I date unless I'm ready to have those pictures made public. Even if they tell me they'd never post them on social media, it's still a NO until I feel comfortable. You can do the same until you feel comfortable enough with this dude to handle the Tank discussion.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> It seems to be getting worse, like when I first went back to dating it wasn't like this, now the very thought of it is just... 🤢
> 
> I just can't get back into it, I'm trying but I feel I'm going to disappoint but I'm also hoping this is just a phase during texting and if we meet up my other brain will take over and it would be fine.
> 
> I know I will regret it if I ghost her again, it took me four months of BS dating to find her who knows how long it would take next time. Also the only reason she responded is because of the opportunity she gave me, not all women would be open to sex on first date and I would never have got a second date if we didn't hook up.
> 
> Yet I just so can't be bothered 😫


It feels like to much trouble and effort, I know. That’s why I thought the FWB thing might be more to my liking. Sort of a half way compromise with the trouble and effort.

Looks like you’re gonna have to just let it play out. It sucks though because you feel like you have to force yourself with the meetings. Never ever a good feeling.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> @Not my vote is to go on your date and keep things at the 30,000 foot above ground level.
> 
> This is date zero. The only goal should be to find out if there's enough mutual attraction to want to invest time into knowing more about each other. That's it. I'm assuming you've vetted him for hard no's so on this date have fun, flirt if you like, but keep it casual otherwise.
> 
> Personally, I don't take pictures with guys I date unless I'm ready to have those pictures made public. Even if they tell me they'd never post them on social media, it's still a NO until I feel comfortable. You can do the same until you feel comfortable enough with this dude to handle the Tank discussion.


I’m going to try. My mood about this meeting is sort of soured but I’m going to stick it out and hopefully have a good evening.

No pictures! That’s the last thing I need right now lol! All I want is to see him in person and hear about his life. I don’t even care right now about the physical attraction part. As long as he’s a good and decent person who isn’t to far gone physically he’ll have my attention. He just turned 56 and he’s 6’2, height and hopefully wisdom. Good enough combo to start with! 😊


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> It feels like to much trouble and effort, I know. That’s why I thought the FWB thing might be more to my liking. Sort of a half way compromise with the trouble and effort.
> 
> Looks like you’re gonna have to just let it play out. It sucks though because you feel like you have to force yourself with the meetings. Never ever a good feeling.


It's STILL trouble and effort 😑 

Well, I don't have to, but at the same time... 😣 
_googles chemical castration_


----------



## Faithful Wife

@not good luck on your meet/date! Let us know how it goes as some of us need to live vicariously through others since we aren't dating ourselves!


----------



## LATERILUS79

Livvie said:


> Who is going to make the Singles 2023 Edition new thread?


Does it fall to the newest Single on TAM to do the honors? If so……. I think that might be me. 😂

Regardless, if no one else wants to take the reins, I’ll gladly start a new singles thread on January 1.


----------



## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> Does it fall to the newest Single on TAM to do the honors? If so……. I think that might be me. 😂
> 
> Regardless, if no one else wants to take the reins, I’ll gladly start a new singles thread on January 1.


Let’s hope you bring better luck to the thread in 2023. How many of us started the year single and ended the year in a relationship? Or started and ended the year in the same relationship? A few, but not many…


----------



## Hiner112

Not said:


> It’s humiliating because I’m 50 years old and have had this happen. I know it’s not my fault. I always treated him with nothing but kindness and respect but at the same time it doesn’t color me in a very good light. This has actually been one of my concerns with getting out there dating again. That men will think there must be something wrong with me without getting to know me first. Not that I would even tell very many people about this, just the ones that I felt actually need to know.
> 
> As far as my main concern goes yes it is my safety. Tank is mentally unbalanced and I honestly genuinely believe that if he finds out I’m dating someone from his hometown he will believe that I’m doing it purposely to poke the bear. That it’s a personal attack on him. That is how this man thinks and is why this it’s getting under my skin so bad. He has a temper. He doesn’t do this with just me, when I was with him he did this with everyone. In his world, everyone is out to screw him over.


You should definitely strut around like, "I'm 50 and still making guys obsessed."


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Let’s hope you bring better luck to the thread in 2023. How many of us started the year single and ended the year in a relationship? Or started and ended the year in the same relationship? A few, but not many…


What do you consider better luck? 😆


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> What do you consider better luck? 😆


“Luck” could be the wrong word. Better results maybe?


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> “Luck” could be the wrong word. Better results maybe?


No. I mean single or in a relationship. You made it sound bad to be with the same person 😆. Maybe it's just me getting that. If so, my bad!


----------



## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> No. I mean single or in a relationship. You made it sound bad to be with the same person 😆. Maybe it's just me getting that. If so, my bad!


No, not all. I was saying it seems like only a few fall into the category of being in the same relationship or having started up a new one and still in it at the close of the year. For the rest, hoping 2023 will be better (if your goal is to be partnered up).


----------



## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> No, not all. I was saying it seems like only a few fall into the category of being in the same relationship or having started up a new one and still in it at the close of the year. For the rest, hoping 2023 will be better (if your goal is to be partnered up).


I second that sentiment wholeheartedly!


----------



## Livvie

I started 2022 dogless and am ending it with a sidekick best bud yearling Labrador Retriever who is snoring next to me as I write this. Does that count?

Well, he IS a male....dog....


----------



## RebuildingMe

Livvie said:


> I started 2022 dogless and am ending it with a sidekick best bud yearling Labrador Retriever who is snoring next to me as I write this. Does that count?
> 
> Well, he IS a male....dog....


It counts in my book. I added a cat earlier this year and he still hasn’t thrown me out of the house.


----------



## Not

The date went well. We talked a lot of smack about people we mutually know lol! My boss included. I got to hear some dirt. This guy knows everybody. 😂 I know that sounds bad but it was actually pretty fun. We were bonding over smack. He’s seems very down to earth and obviously has no issue with speaking his mind. 

So far so good. He’s not in the best shape but neither was Tank by the time I left him and his looks were never what caused any of our problems. So this guy passes but just barely if I’m honest. I might have a bit of trouble with this part.

He lives just 25 minutes away. No kids. Great sense of humor. Respectful but was eating me alive with his eyes lol! So there’s definitely some fire in there, which I need to see.

On the fence with this one.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Not said:


> I don’t post much on my personal page at all. So there’s not a whole lot there for anyone to see. I’ve never gotten into Facebook as most people do. But yes, the Facebook part of this budding friendship has to go.


Can you not just block Tank? Then you and he would be basically invisible to each other. He would not be able to see anything to do with you.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> The date went well. We talked a lot of smack about people we mutually know lol! My boss included. I got to hear some dirt. This guy knows everybody. 😂 I know that sounds bad but it was actually pretty fun. We were bonding over smack. He’s seems very down to earth and obviously has no issue with speaking his mind.
> 
> So far so good. He’s not in the best shape but neither was Tank by the time I left him and his looks were never what caused any of our problems. So this guy passes but just barely if I’m honest. I might have a bit of trouble with this part.
> 
> He lives just 25 minutes away. No kids. Great sense of humor. Respectful but was eating me alive with his eyes lol! So there’s definitely some fire in there, which I need to see.
> 
> On the fence with this one.


Is he too chubby? Face too meh? Details 😅 He sounded nice on paper with his 6'2 height.

Got a second date?


----------



## RandomDude

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Can you not just block Tank? Then you and he would be basically invisible to each other. He would not be able to see anything to do with you.


If Tank is friends with the guy she is seeing and his mate posts a photo of them it will pop up on Tank's FB.


----------



## Not

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Can you not just block Tank? Then you and he would be basically invisible to each other. He would not be able to see anything to do with you.


Tank has been blocked on my FB for almost a year now and I’ve got all of his friends that I could find blocked as well. The only way he could see anything of me on FB is if one of his friends I don’t have blocked were to get a picture of me and post it.


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Is he too chubby? Face too meh? Details 😅 He sounded nice on paper with his 6'2 height.
> 
> Got a second date?


Slightly chubby. I need to see him outside in some light moving around to get a more accurate gauge of his physical appearance. We were in a dimly lit restaurant, sitting across from each other in a booth. Average face. Definitely not hot but def not horrible either. 
No second date was mentioned but we’ll see.


----------



## Affaircare

TXTrini said:


> I love reading about you guys, the love and compassion that radiates from your posts especially touch me and give me hope. I had one of those landmines this weekend, and we've gotten so much better at navigating them together. The holidays are really hard for me, and now for my bf, *they tend to emphasize all the things we lost and can't have again.*


Hi @TXTrini ,

I know it's been a while, this has been discussed some already, and to some degree the moment has passed, but there were some things about your post that I wanted to comment on--do you mind?

I bolded that part up there because I understand where you're coming from--certain dates, like holidays, can be reminders of what we've lost and what we can't have (or maybe never had) and thus can be SO HARD! But you know I lost my Dear Hubby in 2017, right? His birthday was the day after Christmas...and he died on Labor Day...so you'd think those two dates (and many more) would be triggery for me, right? They're not really--and you know why? Because they are a day just like any other day. They are 24 hours just like the 24 hours before them and the 24 hours after them. Every single day--well every single hour, minute and second if you think about it--actually is only THAT MOMENT. It's not the past that we can never, ever have again (whether that was happy or sad), and it's not the future we have not yet had! It's just THAT MOMENT. And every single moment has both sorrow and joy. Now, yes, some moments the balance of the scale tips toward "more sorrow"...and other times it tips toward "more joy"...but each moment does have both. It's up to us to choose what we're going to focus on in THAT MOMENT. 

I could have chosen to focus on how much I missed my Dear Hubby. He was a lovely man who smiled easily and was funny and wicked smart--who WOULDN'T miss him!? Losing him left a hole in my life. I could have chosen to focus on the future we'll never have. I could have chosen to focus on his relatives who dropped me like a hot potato (and have experienced karma as a result). [To be honest, there are days when I struggle with that one a little.  ] But that's not what I choose. Every moment I literally try to look at the beauty of that moment: sometimes shedding a tear for genuine sadness and sometimes shedding a tear of gratitude and joy. But to move FORWARD it is a practice to lay down, let go of, and never pick up the past. I'm not saying "YOLO" but rather, "What you did last year (or for the past 15 years...or whatever) is gone. No matter what you do, that won't come back. But THIS year is here--now--and it can be sorrow or joy...and I get to pick which one."



> We've been trying to build new traditions together, and we're happy in the moment, but it's hard to keep fighting sometimes when people outside our relationship are determined to keep a grip on us.
> 
> How do you fully let go of the past when people don't want to let go of you?


@TXTrini , I've looked at your situation, where your ex was a ... well let's just use ChumpLady's nickname ... FW, and yet his parents send you subscriptions to Ranger Rick magazine for a year as a Christmas gift, or an "Aplet/Cotlet of the Month Club", or an American Greetings e-card. They don't say something creepy or sinister, but you've asked them to stop and they don't and it bugs you. 

Here's my take: I have 2 older female relatives who are kind of like this (I think it's their generation). Both of them send me those old email jokes where you're supposed to "pass it along and you'll get $100!" or those weird generic "sayings" that sort of sound wise but don't really say anything. I usually feel pretty confused--are they trying to hint at something or say something without saying it? Or are they just old ladies who aren't very techy? Relative A is the kind of person who smiles at you face-to-face but then talks about you behind your back OR holds a grudge and cuts you off and then blames you. Relative B is pretty honest and kind lady and she just doesn't really get technology but she knows everyone uses it so she tries...but doesn't really "get it." LOL So I have boundaries appropriate to what I perceive is their intent. Make sense?

I don't necessarily sense "ill intent" from your ex's parents. They clearly aren't listening to your requests to stop, and that in and of itself is kind of disrespectful. And yet, allowing their fairly innoculous weird "gifts" to unsettle your soul so much seems a bit beyond their intention for you. I suspect they are old people who think a magazine and 123Greeting email is AMAZINGLY HIGH TECH (lol) or "being nice." Thus, since you have asked them to stop and their gifts aren't really horrid or creepy or mean-spirited...why not "use them for good"? You may have no need for the "Aplet/Cotlet" of the month, but share it with the co-workers and you know someone will snarf it and thinks it's AWESOME. Or take the Ranger Rick monthly subscription to someplace and donate it where kids will be stuck in a waiting room. Or make a filter/rule for your email to just put their e-cards straight into junk. See what I mean though? Their gifts aren't sent with malice, but since you don't like them, get rid of them and use them for good! You'll ease the struggle of your own soul and feel good because, you know, charity. 

Other than that, I'd gray rock them. They may eventually get sick of sending gifts to you "cuz that so and so never, ever wrote one thank you card"...or they may keep doing it to ease their own conscience over raising a FW. Whatever. Let them figure that out. You just stay no contact and convert their gifts to kindness.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Average face. Definitely not hot but def not horrible either.


Ah, another one of the 85% 😅


----------



## In Absentia

Not said:


> Slightly chubby. I need to see him outside in some light moving around to get a more accurate gauge of his physical appearance. We were in a dimly lit restaurant, sitting across from each other in a booth. Average face. Definitely not hot but def not horrible either.
> No second date was mentioned but we’ll see.


Average face, slightly chubby, not hot... Is he at least a bit intelligent?


----------



## Lila

In Absentia said:


> Average face, slightly chubby, not hot... Is he at least a bit intelligent?


@Not, does he have any qualities that might make him sexually attractive to you?


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Ah, another one of the 85% 😅


Yes but he’s got some personality. So there’s that.


----------



## Not

In Absentia said:


> Average face, slightly chubby, not hot... Is he at least a bit intelligent?


He is. He’s got it together. He was pretty good looking when he was younger so I know if he lost some weight he could get it back somewhat.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> @Not, does he have any qualities that might make him sexually attractive to you?


That’s something I was thinking about as I sat across from him last night. Not sure is my answer. I went through this with the last guy I dated. His looks weren’t really doing it for me but I loved his personality, a lot. (Tank was awesome in the beginning) We wound up dating for 18 months with tons of fire in the bedroom. Sooo, I know there is some potential here. I need to spend some time getting to know him.

And the fact that I’m not getting any younger and have some physical imperfections plays a part as well. I’m 50, it’s all down hill from here lol! 😂 Who am I to judge?


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> He is. He’s got it together. He was pretty good looking when he was younger so I know if he lost some weight he could get it back somewhat.


Good God 😐

Now I dread the day when I'm no longer the 15% maybe that day has already come 😔


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Yes but he’s got some personality. So there’s that.


I dunno, I won't be content with that, but that's just me being spoiled throughout my youth with my pretty looks. My mum went through the same thing... actually she's going through the same thing she spends tons of money keeping up her youth so stepdad can get his endorsements for his trophy wife 🙄

Maybe it's a good thing I'm getting more and more disillusioned with dating as once my looks fade no more opportunities anyway as I don't chase and I don't put myself out there.


----------



## In Absentia

Not said:


> That’s something I was thinking about as I sat across from him last night. Not sure is my answer. I went through this with the last guy I dated. His looks weren’t really doing it for me but I loved his personality, a lot.


As far as I'm concerned, without a lot of physical attraction I could not date anybody. Of course, their personality has to be attractive too. No point in talking to a pretty face but empty brain.


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> Maybe it's a good thing I'm getting more and more disillusioned with dating as once my looks fade no more opportunities anyway as I don't chase and I don't put myself out there.


I'm the same. I think I was decent looking when younger, but now that I'm old I've lost all my self-esteem. It sucks.


----------



## Not

In Absentia said:


> As far as I'm concerned, without a lot of physical attraction I could not date anybody. Of course, their personality has to be attractive too. No point in talking to a pretty face but empty brain.


Typically I’m that way too. The last year though has been really rough trying to meet someone. Looking back I can’t remember even one date that revved my engine just by simply looking at him. Not one.

The only one who did it for me physically is emotionally busted up right now and not looking for anything over and above a FWB. Which is too bad. He was equally physically attracted to me but he’s a mess right now. Just wrong timing I guess.


----------



## Not

In Absentia said:


> I'm the same. I think I was decent looking when younger, but now that I'm old I've lost all my self-esteem. It sucks.


How old are you Absentia?


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> I'm the same. I think I was decent looking when younger, but now that I'm old I've lost all my self-esteem. It sucks.


Makes me wonder about my first world problems complaining that a hot woman wants to F me and me making excuses to ghost her (again)...

I may not have these experiences later when older 😣


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Good God 😐
> 
> Now I dread the day when I'm no longer the 15% maybe that day has already come 😔


These are things I don’t worry about. Some women will find me attractive. Others will not. It’s not that big of a deal.


----------



## In Absentia

Not said:


> How old are you Absentia?


59...


----------



## RandomDude

LATERILUS79 said:


> These are things I don’t worry about. Some women will find me attractive. Others will not. It’s not that big of a deal.


Sure, but the number of opportunities will dwindle. Especially for someone who is anti social AND picky I'm simply screwed and I know it.

I also never chased in my life or had to impress women or any of that courtship stuff normal guys do. Women just presented themselves as opportunities and sooner or later no matter their creed they ended up pulling my pants down pretty quick.

It's already slowing down now, sure it's still a sushi train but one date didn't even want to touch me... yeah it's not her love language apparently but meh, I dunno. And fbuddy rates me a 7 so yay 🙄 at least I have something else to keep her coming back either than my aging looks

Still she's 26 and I'm 37 so still got it maybe? Think I'm 50/50 gone.


----------



## In Absentia

I haven't had any sex for the last 4 years and I've had sex with the same woman for the last 37... you will forgive me if I think that dating and having sex again with a different person will be super scary... not sure I want to try that.


----------



## RandomDude

In Absentia said:


> I haven't had any sex for the last 4 years and I've had sex with the same woman for the last 37... you will forgive me if I think that dating and having sex again with a different person will be super scary... not sure I want to try that.


You been banging the same woman as long as I'm alive? Well can't comment 😅

Sex is overrated anyway and hell I know it, and hell I know each time I'm done with fbuddy I feel like sh-t but what else is there to do when one gets horny and porn won't scratch the itch?

But libido gets less and less with age anyway right? What a mercy!


----------



## In Absentia

RandomDude said:


> But libido gets less and less with age anyway right? What a mercy!


Well, yes...  the problem with me is that I would have to find the perfect woman in order to have sex again. My wife had the perfect body, as far as I'm concerned, so it will be difficult to surpass. And there are so many things that put me off. So, it's not going to happen. But it's probably a good thing.


RandomDude said:


> You been banging the same woman as long as I'm alive? Well can't comment 😅


We were 22 when we met.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Not said:


> That’s something I was thinking about as I sat across from him last night. Not sure is my answer. I went through this with the last guy I dated. His looks weren’t really doing it for me but I loved his personality, a lot. (Tank was awesome in the beginning) We wound up dating for 18 months with tons of fire in the bedroom. Sooo, I know there is some potential here. I need to spend some time getting to know him.
> 
> And the fact that I’m not getting any younger and have some physical imperfections plays a part as well. I’m 50, it’s all down hill from here lol! 😂 Who am I to judge?


I often wonder about the lenses used, beautiful and handsome are dangerously superficial... I cannot tell you how many perfect pieces of fruit (in my eyes) I've purchased at the market to find them less once experienced. The best apples I can buy come from the local orchards with a few branch scars on them, yet so very tasty.

AC has said a couple times how she is surprised how I find her so beautiful, yet I question the same of her in her view of me, especially since we have both hit 60 this year (almost last year). All I know is when we snuggle in... wow.

Can't put percentages to it, but I can guarantee you that the greater attraction is the love of another (who we are as people), and that drives the physical love experienced to greater heights.

Your "not getting any younger" will play a lot less in it that any misplaced judgement from only a couple of the senses.

I have read about what true passion should be, and now I have experienced true passion and now know my experience is the true one.


----------



## Lila

Not said:


> And the fact that I’m not getting any younger and have some physical imperfections plays a part as well. I’m 50, it’s all down hill from here lol! 😂 Who am I to judge?


While I agree that none of us are getting any younger, don't sell yourself short. 😁


----------



## LATERILUS79

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but the number of opportunities will dwindle. Especially for someone who is anti social AND picky I'm simply screwed and I know it.
> 
> I also never chased in my life or had to impress women or any of that courtship stuff normal guys do. Women just presented themselves as opportunities and sooner or later no matter their creed they ended up pulling my pants down pretty quick.
> 
> It's already slowing down now, sure it's still a sushi train but one date didn't even want to touch me... yeah it's not her love language apparently but meh, I dunno. And fbuddy rates me a 7 so yay 🙄 at least I have something else to keep her coming back either than my aging looks
> 
> Still she's 26 and I'm 37 so still got it maybe? Think I'm 50/50 gone.


Would you like a cookie for being so beautiful?😂


----------



## Not

RandomDude said:


> Sex is overrated anyway


Says the guy who’s getting some 😂😂😂


----------



## Livvie

In Absentia said:


> Well, yes...  the problem with me is that I would have to find the perfect woman in order to have sex again. My wife had the perfect body, as far as I'm concerned, so it will be difficult to surpass. And there are so many things that put me off. So, it's not going to happen. But it's probably a good thing.
> 
> 
> We were 22 when we met.


Wow, so another dude who would need the perfect body in order to want to have sex with someone. 

I'm curious (as I am about all males who need such body perfection in order to have sex)... do you yourself possess an amazing physical male body to offer in return?


----------



## Not

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I often wonder about the lenses used, beautiful and handsome are dangerously superficial... I cannot tell you how many perfect pieces of fruit (in my eyes) I've purchased at the market to find them less once experienced. The best apples I can buy come from the local orchards with a few branch scars on them, yet so very tasty.
> 
> AC has said a couple times how she is surprised how I find her so beautiful, yet I question the same of her in her view of me, especially since we have both hit 60 this year (almost last year). All I know is when we snuggle in... wow.
> 
> Can't put percentages to it, but I can guarantee you that the greater attraction is the love of another (who we are as people), and that drives the physical love experienced to greater heights.
> 
> Your "not getting any younger" will play a lot less in it that any misplaced judgement from only a couple of the senses.
> 
> I have read about what true passion should be, and now I have experienced true passion and now know my experience is the true one.


Reminds me of when I crossed paths with Tank back in July. I could see he had been working out again and had lost weight. Two things I thought about that. One, I know what’s on the inside which renders the outside worthless. And two, during the time period right before I left him he had gained a lot of weight and it never bothered me. Still loved him as is. There was more comfy squish to cuddle with.

I know the outside should figure in as just one piece in the puzzle which makes it difficult in the beginning because you’re looking for what’s attractive in a new person but you don’t know yet what’s all inside so that outside is really the only piece of the puzzle you can fully see. I think that’s why so many of us doing online dating tend to lean on looks so heavily. It’s truly all we’ve got to go on at the start.

Unfortunately big investments in time are required and I’m not getting any younger lol! I can’t afford to invest a year or more with each man I meet. So for me, the personality is going to have to be pretty outstanding from the get-go. I’m going to need something outside of looks to keep me wanting to invest. This guy might have that.


----------



## Not

Lila said:


> While I agree that none of us are getting any younger, don't sell yourself short. 😁


Yes, that’s why I’m on the fence. He’s 56 and may not be able to keep up with me lol!
Although I dated a 43 year old back in 2019 and he couldn’t keep up either. 😂


----------



## RandomDude

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I often wonder about the lenses used, beautiful and handsome are dangerously superficial... I cannot tell you how many perfect pieces of fruit (in my eyes) I've purchased at the market to find them less once experienced. The best apples I can buy come from the local orchards with a few branch scars on them, yet so very tasty.
> 
> AC has said a couple times how she is surprised how I find her so beautiful, yet I question the same of her in her view of me, especially since we have both hit 60 this year (almost last year). All I know is when we snuggle in... wow.
> 
> Can't put percentages to it, but I can guarantee you that the greater attraction is the love of another (who we are as people), and that drives the physical love experienced to greater heights.
> 
> Your "not getting any younger" will play a lot less in it that any misplaced judgement from only a couple of the senses.
> 
> I have read about what true passion should be, and now I have experienced true passion and now know my experience is the true one.


Yeah well no lovey doveys in casual flings which I can barely stomach so I'm screwed, it's probably all sugar babies and hookers once I hit my 50s 🙄



Not said:


> Says the guy who’s getting some 😂😂😂


Haven't got any yet, I can still piss her off or she loses interest and it won't be happening.



LATERILUS79 said:


> Would you like a cookie for being so beautiful?😂


I'm not beautiful anymore 😣


----------



## RandomDude

Livvie said:


> Wow, so another dude who would need the perfect body in order to want to have sex with someone.
> 
> I'm curious (as I am about all males who need such body perfection in order to have sex)... do you yourself possess an amazing physical male body to offer in return?


Hey if she ain't giving him a stiffy it ain't going to work. Period.


----------



## RandomDude

Not said:


> Reminds me of when I crossed paths with Tank back in July. I could see he had been working out again and had lost weight. Two things I thought about that. One, I know what’s on the inside which renders the outside worthless. And two, during the time period right before I left him he had gained a lot of weight and it never bothered me. Still loved him as is. There was more comfy squish to cuddle with.
> 
> I know the outside should figure in as just one piece in the puzzle which makes it difficult in the beginning because you’re looking for what’s attractive in a new person but you don’t know yet what’s all inside so that outside is really the only piece of the puzzle you can fully see. I think that’s why so many of us doing online dating tend to lean on looks so heavily. It’s truly all we’ve got to go on at the start.
> 
> Unfortunately big investments in time are required and I’m not getting any younger lol! I can’t afford to invest a year or more with each man I meet. So for me, the personality is going to have to be pretty outstanding from the get-go. I’m going to need something outside of looks to keep me wanting to invest. This guy might have that.


It's all we got when it's casual 😅 though really most people are less picky, many guys into casual flings fk anything with a heartache so lol not me... 😑 I already lowered my standards to 7+/10

Girls much more discriminating though, at least 7/10 is still fkable for my fbuddy, sometimes I wonder if she's negging me out or I'm really just 7 now, whatever.

Later in life I will be invisible unless I fork out money... I will miss a woman fking me bc she finds me attractive and turns her on. These days are numbered and I just pray my libido will match it in 50s.

Because I know I won't be content with that, I'm not even content if I date someone and she doesn't find me attractive just my "personality" 🙄

There's a difference between just spreading her legs or her rubbing her legs on yours, hands tugging at your belt, biting her lips as she looks at you... 😔
Hell all these things going through my mind as I decide "ghost or not to ghost"


----------



## Livvie

RandomDude said:


> Hey if she ain't giving him a stiffy it ain't going to work. Period.


Sure.

But I guarantee wonen who have "perfect bodies" aren't going to give a second glance at a man who has _much less to offer in one way or another_. 

Seems hypocritical when, for example, waaaay less than perfect male physical specimens require perfect female specimens. 

And why would an average or less than average male think a _perfect_ bodied female is going to want his average ass?


----------



## LATERILUS79

Livvie said:


> Wow, so another dude who would need the perfect body in order to want to have sex with someone.
> 
> I'm curious (as I am about all males who need such body perfection in order to have sex)... do you yourself possess an amazing physical male body to offer in return?


I’m case anyone is wondering, I do NOT require a perfect body in order to have sex. I LOVE SEX. I find the female form to be quite alluring and irresistible.

I’ve never understood the high requirements of some men when it comes to sex (or when women have super high requirements for that matter). Maybe it’s because I’m high drive? I don’t know. I do know that a woman that shows genuine desire in me is what I find the most attractive. The simple act of wanting to be there.

oh, and a large rack helps a lot too.

😂😂😂


----------



## RandomDude

Livvie said:


> Sure.
> 
> But I guarantee wonen who have "perfect bodies" aren't going to give a second glance at a man who has _much less to offer in one way or another_.
> 
> Seems hypocritical when, for example, waaaay less than perfect male physical specimens require perfect female specimens.
> 
> And why would an average or less than average male think a _perfect_ bodied female is going to want his average ass?


Hey fbuddy has a perfect body, I would say she's 8.5/10 - but that I will never tell her because she reckons I'm a 7 

I would say my body is pretty average now though I have been working out and I look younger than when I broke up with ex.

Maybe that's why she won't go exclusive with me though who knows 😑


----------



## TXTrini

Affaircare said:


> Hi @TXTrini ,
> 
> I know it's been a while, this has been discussed some already, and to some degree the moment has passed, but there were some things about your post that I wanted to comment on--do you mind?
> 
> I bolded that part up there because I understand where you're coming from--certain dates, like holidays, can be reminders of what we've lost and what we can't have (or maybe never had) and thus can be SO HARD! But you know I lost my Dear Hubby in 2017, right? His birthday was the day after Christmas...and he died on Labor Day...so you'd think those two dates (and many more) would be triggery for me, right? They're not really--and you know why? Because they are a day just like any other day. They are 24 hours just like the 24 hours before them and the 24 hours after them. Every single day--well every single hour, minute and second if you think about it--actually is only THAT MOMENT. It's not the past that we can never, ever have again (whether that was happy or sad), and it's not the future we have not yet had! It's just THAT MOMENT. And every single moment has both sorrow and joy. Now, yes, some moments the balance of the scale tips toward "more sorrow"...and other times it tips toward "more joy"...but each moment does have both. It's up to us to choose what we're going to focus on in THAT MOMENT.
> 
> I could have chosen to focus on how much I missed my Dear Hubby. He was a lovely man who smiled easily and was funny and wicked smart--who WOULDN'T miss him!? Losing him left a hole in my life. I could have chosen to focus on the future we'll never have. I could have chosen to focus on his relatives who dropped me like a hot potato (and have experienced karma as a result). [To be honest, there are days when I struggle with that one a little.  ] But that's not what I choose. Every moment I literally try to look at the beauty of that moment: sometimes shedding a tear for genuine sadness and sometimes shedding a tear of gratitude and joy. But to move FORWARD it is a practice to lay down, let go of, and never pick up the past. I'm not saying "YOLO" but rather, "What you did last year (or for the past 15 years...or whatever) is gone. No matter what you do, that won't come back. But THIS year is here--now--and it can be sorrow or joy...and I get to pick which one."
> 
> 
> 
> @TXTrini , I've looked at your situation, where your ex was a ... well let's just use ChumpLady's nickname ... FW, and yet his parents send you subscriptions to Ranger Rick magazine for a year as a Christmas gift, or an "Aplet/Cotlet of the Month Club", or an American Greetings e-card. They don't say something creepy or sinister, but you've asked them to stop and they don't and it bugs you.
> 
> Here's my take: I have 2 older female relatives who are kind of like this (I think it's their generation). Both of them send me those old email jokes where you're supposed to "pass it along and you'll get $100!" or those weird generic "sayings" that sort of sound wise but don't really say anything. I usually feel pretty confused--are they trying to hint at something or say something without saying it? Or are they just old ladies who aren't very techy? Relative A is the kind of person who smiles at you face-to-face but then talks about you behind your back OR holds a grudge and cuts you off and then blames you. Relative B is pretty honest and kind lady and she just doesn't really get technology but she knows everyone uses it so she tries...but doesn't really "get it." LOL So I have boundaries appropriate to what I perceive is their intent. Make sense?
> 
> I don't necessarily sense "ill intent" from your ex's parents. They clearly aren't listening to your requests to stop, and that in and of itself is kind of disrespectful. And yet, allowing their fairly innoculous weird "gifts" to unsettle your soul so much seems a bit beyond their intention for you. I suspect they are old people who think a magazine and 123Greeting email is AMAZINGLY HIGH TECH (lol) or "being nice." Thus, since you have asked them to stop and their gifts aren't really horrid or creepy or mean-spirited...why not "use them for good"? You may have no need for the "Aplet/Cotlet" of the month, but share it with the co-workers and you know someone will snarf it and thinks it's AWESOME. Or take the Ranger Rick monthly subscription to someplace and donate it where kids will be stuck in a waiting room. Or make a filter/rule for your email to just put their e-cards straight into junk. See what I mean though? Their gifts aren't sent with malice, but since you don't like them, get rid of them and use them for good! You'll ease the struggle of your own soul and feel good because, you know, charity.
> 
> Other than that, I'd gray rock them. They may eventually get sick of sending gifts to you "cuz that so and so never, ever wrote one thank you card"...or they may keep doing it to ease their own conscience over raising a FW. Whatever. Let them figure that out. You just stay no contact and convert their gifts to kindness.


Thanks so much for this pearl of wisdom, AC. I don't have much time tonight to think on it and reply. 

I am doing my best to make new memories. My bfs birthday is today and we decided to stay in. So I slapped together a birthday cake. Hopefully we can eat some before next year 😆 

Happy New Year's eve to you all, I wish everyone the best for the new year.


----------



## In Absentia

Livvie said:


> Wow, so another dude who would need the perfect body in order to want to have sex with someone.


Where did I say that? I said there has to be physical attraction and my wife happened to have the perfect body (for me... it wasn't perfect by all means. So, no, it doesn't have to be "objectively perfect"). And since you are asking, yes, I did have a nice body at 22...  I hope this explains my position. It seems I wasn't very clear. Happy New Year! No hangover...


----------



## MattMatt

Happy 2023 to all singles on TAM! Here's the link to this year's thread! 








Singles of TAM 2023 Edition


Happy New Year everyone. I raise a glass to my fellow singles out there on the interwebs! I hope you all find happiness with a new partner or continue to enjoy your life single!




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


----------

