# Affectionless Marriage



## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

I have been married for 8 years now and my husband and I have sex maybe once every three months. There is no passion,foreplay,romance or talk. There isnt even kissing. He is just very ....cold. He gets his and then it is over, mostly I get a verbal Thanks. I know he loves me, but I think it is more like one loves their favorite slippers. I AM a very attractive woman, though not arrogant about it, I know I incite response from other men, but with my husband, it's total blahness. He is a good man and an excellent father/provider etc, but theres no passion in him. We never talk intimately, it's more like just breathing in the same room. I have asked him to get his testosterone checked, he insists he is fine, I have asked him what excites him, he says ahh... it depends then he quits talking. I have tried initiating foreplay, he isnt interested unless HE is in the mood. I feel like our roles are reversed. Like he doesnt want to because he has a headache.... geez. I have tried EVERYTHING to change things, fix things, encourage him etc. He says, "I am just this way" Sex isn't a big deal to me" ... yet he has an addiction to online porn. But I dont have a clue how he releases energy because it isnt on me. I am pretty sure he isnt cheating but I am not certain. I am lost here guys and need help. I made a commitment to myself,God and him to hang in there through thick and thin, but when does it come to the point where it is ok to quit? I have even had serious health issues due to lack of human touch, it is craziness but it can slowly kill you if you are never touched, it deprives you of needed chemicals in your brain..... I am desperate here.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Kastle74 said:


> I have been married for 8 years now and my husband and I have sex maybe once every three months. There is no passion,foreplay,romance or talk. There isnt even kissing. He is just very ....cold. He gets his and then it is over, mostly I get a verbal Thanks. I know he loves me, but I think it is more like one loves their favorite slippers. I AM a very attractive woman, though not arrogant about it, I know I incite response from other men, but with my husband, it's total blahness. He is a good man and an excellent father/provider etc, but theres no passion in him. We never talk intimately, it's more like just breathing in the same room. I have asked him to get his testosterone checked, he insists he is fine, I have asked him what excites him, he says ahh... it depends then he quits talking. I have tried initiating foreplay, he isnt interested unless HE is in the mood. I feel like our roles are reversed. Like he doesnt want to because he has a headache.... geez. I have tried EVERYTHING to change things, fix things, encourage him etc. He says, "I am just this way" Sex isn't a big deal to me" ... yet he has an addiction to online porn. But I dont have a clue how he releases energy because it isnt on me. I am pretty sure he isnt cheating but I am not certain. I am lost here guys and need help. I made a commitment to myself,God and him to hang in there through thick and thin, but when does it come to the point where it is ok to quit? I have even had serious health issues due to lack of human touch, it is craziness but it can slowly kill you if you are never touched, it deprives you of needed chemicals in your brain..... I am desperate here.


I was stumped till I got to "online porn"...There is his outlet...I like porn as much as the next guy, but it's like "condiments" vs a steak dinner....

I am a HD guy, and would like sex every day, but after 47 years, the wife would be happy with 2 times a week, so that is my goal......

My only suggestion, is to ask if you could watch porn with him....If that is what he needs, joining him may be the only way you can get your needs taken care of....

I know many women are uneasy with porn...please be assured, you are not being "compared" to the women on the screen...And you may find it erotic as well...Not a bad thing.....

I hope this helps you get the loving you need and deserve....


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

If he is looking at porn in an addictive manner, he is most certainly masturbating as well. His release is in his hand and not you, unfortunately.


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> I was stumped till I got to "online porn"...There is his outlet...I like porn as much as the next guy, but it's like "condiments" vs a steak dinner....
> 
> I am a HD guy, and would like sex every day, but after 47 years, the wife would be happy with 2 times a week, so that is my goal......
> 
> ...


I have done that as well, I have even sent him porn..... I'm lost.


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> If he is looking at porn in an addictive manner, he is most certainly masturbating as well. His release is in his hand and not you, unfortunately.


How can this be a satisfying sex life for him? Is it truly possible to rely only on masturbation alone?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I've been married 13 years and the only time I view porn, is when my wife isn't in the mood for weeks / month at a time, otherwise, I don't go out of my way to view it. It becomes very addicting quickly and not a good thing.

You do things that my wife has never done!!! And I take care of myself and am a good looking guy, getting flirted with by the young and older ladies.

Either put up with it or move on. I am also a God fearing man but I'm only human with basic needs and going a life time without, I'd do it different the next time around.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Kastle74 said:


> How can this be a satisfying sex life for him? Is it truly possible to rely only on masturbation alone?


I'm at a loss...As I am always saying, I am a HD male...Yes, I'm bragging, but with HD comes the interferrence and distractions of being EASILY and CONSTANTLY aroused......

Trying to get inside your husbands head is beyond me....

TRY COUNSELLING, AND IT IT DOSN'T HELP, MOVE ON.....

You deserve the loving you are not getting in this relationship..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Your husband has a full blown compulsive addiction to porn use.... he needs help!! You need to lay down some consequences to what you will no longer put up with... his behavior, in my opinion, is as hurtful & vile as cheating itself... as he has a willing loving passionate wife he is denying every day -while jacking to others outside the marriage ... if he refuses to get help... bucks at you, tells you to get over it, ignores you... you have every right to leave this marriage and don't feel guilty about it. There needs to be consequences when we turn a blind eye denying our spouses emotional & physical needs....and the Joys of sex is one of the most beautiful. 

I say all this as someone who is not against porn at all, me & husband enjoy it together, but every orgasm is waited upon for each other. 

What you are dealing with is hurtful, demeaning, a cup of daily rejection... you deserve better. When you met & dated, how was it then? I assume this grew worse, or was he always very disconnected in intimacy? 

Addictions like this rip the heart out of marriages. 

Here is a Porn Addiction forum with a Partners section, this forum looks very busy.. much support & understanding here to what you are dealing with >>> 

Pornogroghy Addiction support Board  .... another here >> Porn Addiction Message Board 

 8 Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Porn | 

Porn Addiction Help

Porn Addiction Is Not Sex Addiction--And Why It Matters |


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Your husband has a full blown compulsive addiction to porn use.... he needs help!! You need to lay down some consequences to what you will no longer put up with... his behavior, in my opinion, is as hurtful & vile as cheating itself... as he has a willing loving passionate wife he is denying every day -while jacking to others outside the marriage ... if he refuses to get help... bucks at you, tells you to get over it, ignores you... you have every right to leave this marriage and don't feel guilty about it. There needs to be consequences when we turn a blind eye denying our spouses emotional & physical needs....and the Joys of sex is one of the most beautiful.
> 
> I say all this as someone who is not against porn at all, me & husband enjoy it together, but every orgasm is waited upon for each other.
> 
> ...


Yeah it has always been this way for us, never was passion, I always felt like too much for him.


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Your husband has a full blown compulsive addiction to porn use.... he needs help!! You need to lay down some consequences to what you will no longer put up with... his behavior, in my opinion, is as hurtful & vile as cheating itself... as he has a willing loving passionate wife he is denying every day -while jacking to others outside the marriage ... if he refuses to get help... bucks at you, tells you to get over it, ignores you... you have every right to leave this marriage and don't feel guilty about it. There needs to be consequences when we turn a blind eye denying our spouses emotional & physical needs....and the Joys of sex is one of the most beautiful.
> 
> I say all this as someone who is not against porn at all, me & husband enjoy it together, but every orgasm is waited upon for each other.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your suggesstions


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

Kastle74 said:


> it is craziness but it can slowly kill you if you are never touched, it deprives you of needed chemicals in your brain..... I am desperate here.


I know what you mean. You can go insane when there is no touch , no intimacy for the long time. He must be sick in some way if you are attractive ( takes REALLY attractive woman to say she IS attractive) and he still doesn't want to respond to your advances. Usually beauty + female initiating is wild for guys. :scratchhead:

Why did you marry him anyway if there was never passion?


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

pandorabox said:


> I know what you mean. You can go insane when there is no touch , no intimacy for the long time. He must be sick in some way if you are attractive ( takes REALLY attractive woman to say she IS attractive) and he still doesn't want to respond to your advances. Usually beauty + female initiating is wild for guys. :scratchhead:
> 
> Why did you marry him anyway if there was never passion?


That's a tough one to answer.


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

Kastle74 said:


> That's a tough one to answer.


LOL - I'm wondering why the hell did I marry mine :scratchhead:


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Try counseling if he'll go. I tried everything with my husband but he was just shut down. He didn't listen to me, didn't hear a word I said. There was no affection. I searched for pro marriage counselors. There is a difference in counseling. So, if you want to fix your marriage search for the pro marriage counselor. If you need some counseling to help you unattach try regular counseling. 

I'm in counseling with my husband and things have really changed. I think he needed to hear what I needed from someone else and how important that affection is for me to feel safe in my relationship.

If you can try to get him to read His Needs, Her Needs. If he won't at least try and go to counseling or read the book, give you something to show he cares. Then leave. That may be what he needs to wake up. 

Good luck to you. You are not alone. I know the pain of no affection and rejection.


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## Kastle74 (Dec 10, 2012)

pandorabox said:


> LOL - I'm wondering why the hell did I marry mine :scratchhead:


Lol, maybe we need to start a support group? *giggles*


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

:iagree:

At least I know why I'm divorcing him


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Kastle74 said:


> How can this be a satisfying sex life for him? Is it truly possible to rely only on masturbation alone?


No, it isn't possible afaik. Unfortunately, you should be worried about him cheating.


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