# Depression/BPD and Pride



## Eneko (Mar 2, 2009)

My wife and I have been together for three years and married for one. The slightest thing will start an argument which always comes in the form of, "we need to talk." It begins "we need to talk" which is then followed by some list of demands and a lecture about how I am an @$$hole. Everything in our relationship is dominated on how she wants things. It's either her way or the highway. She talks of compromaise but it is only ever on my side. She got upset once when out of frustration when I told she acted like a small child with a new toy and I couldn't play with it unless it was how she wanted to play. Her mother, grandmother, brother, and sister all have some form of BPD and depression, the mother having it the worst. A wrong look can send the woman in hysterics and tears. My wife is much the same way. When she is mad there is nothing you can say to calm her down, reason, or stop her. She will get physical and insane. She takes Welbutrin, but only when she feels she needs it. All of the things she acuses me of doing are things she herself does. I know I've said things I shouldn't have in the heat of an argument but sometimes its so infuritaing to have to deal with it all. She is one of those people who is NEVER WRONG but likes to tell me how I am a know-it-all and pompous. Lately we have been at odds over her sister. On Christmas her sister came over for dinner with their dad while I had been away with part of my family part of the day. I came home to find their brother asleep on my bedroom floor and said, "He doens't have to sleep on the floor, we have spare bedrooms." Without knowing it I had begun World War Three. The sister began to pack up her things adn left. I didn't even know she was gone until I hadn't seen her for about 15 minutes. When I asked my wife what had just happened all she could say was, "You just have a way with rouds, don't you." WHen I tried to smooth thigns over witht he sister I was still the bas guy. Sometimes I just feel as though I can't win for losing. And, even when I do apologize it's never how she want's it according to her. I love my wife but at the same time she is one of the most selfish and self-centered peopel I've ever known. Her mother has taught her how to play the "victim" role very well and she has given me the line that, "I want to go to counseling because I want you to see how everything is your fault, I know the counselor will agree wiht me on everything." Last night we almost separated. I apologized, however, after a lengthy fight over somethign trivial for which I was served an ultimatum. I just don't know where to go or what to do. I lvoe my wife dearly but she is killing me.


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## myxilplyx (Mar 10, 2009)

i hear ya. my wife was diagnosed with distymia(low grade constant depression). wont medicate or go to counselors. but she withdraws and then rages. her family also set her up for victim role, last year we separated, reunited, started counseling, but just havent talked about anything substantial. now. divorce. wonder why. the terms of the separation---were that the fighting and everything was my fault.

do your best to realize medicine and individual counseling for her has to matter before your problems do. until its addressed, my experience has been it will always feel like your fault and things wont get any better. if she doesnt believe your concerned and dont take it seriously, then seriosuly, move on. she aint with you.

glad i am not the only one, but god is it hurtful and frustrating.


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