# New Girl here with some questions on how to handle issues



## kdenise977 (Oct 17, 2015)

Well, I'm new to these forums but feel that I needs some help with my marriage. I love my husband, that's not an issue. We married later in life (in our 30's) and had a child even later (I was 34) and neither of us were married before. NOT TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES just paint a picture.

BUT since then we've had a child, he's 4 now. He's a perfect combination of the two of us. 

My question is this, we have a fine/normal marriage MOST times... until our families come into play. My family lives another state away, about a 2 hour trip one way. His family just moved back to our area, zero distance. My husband refuses to put himself out or travel to see any of my family...even on holidays !!! I'm humiliated and feel it's beyond selfish he can't be bothered. AND...AND... when I bring it up to him about MAYBE going to my family for Chrismas, he manages SOMEHOW to turn it into something being MY fault???? WTF do I do? He's just being a selfish AZZHOLE and when I point that out, he somehow says "okay, well, you can just go to bed or leave" SERIOUSLY...am I asking THAT MUCH?? NO one wants to spend time with their inlaws but you do it.... you just do..especially when you have a friggin child !!!!!!!!!!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Or two.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

sounds to me like there is more going on with the marriage - as in problems - then just visiting the relatives. does your husband not get along with your family?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Are there issues between your husband and your parents?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My ex was like this with my family, although he did go. He just didn't like it and acted like an ass most of the time we were there. Honestly, this self centered behavior is just a symptom of him being an even bigger ******* in other ways. Just go by yourself. Your family won't like it/him, but it's not your fault.


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## kdenise977 (Oct 17, 2015)

See that's the thing. He says he really does love my mom and sisters. He just and says they can come here. But they al live 2 hours away and we are the only ones in this area so it only makes sense for us to travel to see them on the holidays.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I would suggest that you go alone (with your son) and call his bluff and have an amazing time.

Make sure you keep your cool. Don't get into an argument, stick to the facts and just tell him that your family is important and you should be able to spend time with them too. 

Then if he gets angry or yells walk away.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

kdenise977 said:


> See that's the thing. He says he really does love my mom and sisters. He just and says they can come here. But they al live 2 hours away and we are the only ones in this area so it only makes sense for us to travel to see them on the holidays.


How would he react if your mom or sisters reached out to him and told them they'll really miss him and/or be offended if he doesn't go?


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## boltam (Oct 14, 2015)

He doesn't want to go. You can't force him. So you go by yourself, and stop fighting about it because it won't get you anywhere.

Don't make excuses for him, when your family asks, just say "he doesn't want to travel", and leave it at that. 

Maybe he'll realize it's no fun being home alone.

Of more concern is the way he reacts when you express your concerns. He sounds like an immature brat not a grown man.


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