# Getting numb



## k.m (May 18, 2009)

I'm sitting here next to him, just wanting to break down and cry. It's a gorgeous Sunday. We had said we were going to do more things together but today, before that could happen, we had an argument because he got mad at me for "mumbling" and then not wanting to repeat what I'd said (for about the billionth time, because the man refuses to admit that he's going deaf and needs a hearing aid). I walked away after and, out of frustration and depression, had a beer (I don't drink) and slept the afternoon away, after. On waking, I try to make moves towards reconciliation, and he's just... nasty. Not mean, not venomous -- just UNPLEASANT. Grunts at me. Takes the laundry downstairs -- but only HIS laundry. I ask if we might go for a walk tonight, and I get, "Who said anything about going for a walk? I just woke up!" 

I know I cannot describe the environment adequately. We just talked about NOT being nasty to each other, and he's not only nasty to me, but then tries to make it look like it's somehow MY FAULT that he's nasty.

I'm not looking for feedback. I'm just horribly sad and feeling hopeless and alone and needed to spew a bit. 

Thanks.


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## Tru2mself (Sep 3, 2010)

Go for a walk by yourself , start doing your own things, if he asks to join ok , but dont put your life on hold just because he does not want to go anywhere .


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Without knowing the backstory, I can't really give you any solid advice or suggestions. But I wanted you to know that I did read your post and I sympathize with you. I'm sorry that he's being so mean to you. I agree with tru, go for a walk by yourself and do things that you enjoy. Let him join if he wants, but don't push it. It kind of sounds like he's pushing you away, I don't know why. 

I wish you lots of luck.


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## irmawati (Sep 6, 2010)

dear k.m
you think that nasty? you not there yet. we been married for 8 months only. 
my husband told me that watching me is like watching an old movie over n over. 
talking to me on the phone is not worth it. 
he often needs time alone cause he wants to think over about us, our marriage. 
i wonder about men?! he proposed to me to be his wife! dont men think first before making decision?! now he needs time to think because he is not sure he is fit with my characters! we been dating 2 years before marriage! i am still the same person but now he complains about it?! 
if i talk he said i talk too much. if i dont talk n he told me...it is boring because we dont have things to talk about! Give me a break! 
if i think before answer he told me i am slow! i'm not like him just say whatever he want to say, regardless of other feeling. beside if he is yelling while asking the questions dont you find it hard to response?! he always yell...
if i am enthusiastic to answer his call...he said he dont like it. dont he know? the day i answer his call without enthusiastic is the day i am not in love anymore! 
if i am patience handling his swing moods, he calls me dont have any mind, any character. should i be rude like him too? yelling?! 
i am very sad...confused....i believe in marriage n love....but i am so tired to dealing with this....to be questions all the time for who i am....can anyone help me...


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

k.m.,
A marriage takes two. I hear your feelings, but I wonder did he get yours? Honestly, I get upset when someone says, "oh nothing dear." I feel invisible in your shoes where my feelings are met with hostility: It is designed to shut you down so he doesn t have to deal with your feelings, His behavior is passive agressive, His communication skills are handicapped, I strongly recommend counseling, because he needs to learn basic commmunication skills and how to express those feelings in a healthy way: If he isn t willing; then move one before you loose all your self esteem; Good luck


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## timestwo (Sep 12, 2010)

k.m.,

Your situation is sounding so familiar to me right now....Self esteem is fading here. My husband of 2 years gives no affection. We are a blended family with four kids. He does not give me hugs, kisses, rarely will he hold my hand. I can't even think of the last time he told me he loves me. It's been months. I am an attractive woman, 5'6" 135lbs. 38 yrs old, in good shape, and he can never tell me I look good. I will initiate sex, and he is too tired. I am realizing his is sexist and belittling toward women, i.e. talks down about finding out his new boss is a woman, little comments here and there. I actually call him out on this stuff every time, but it is getting old to me. I feel like he was putting on a show for the first 5 years of our relationship. He has a newer job and has new friends there, and it seems as though the "good ole boy" mentality is working its way in to his personality.

I don't think he is having an affair, but I do think he is less interested in me. I have always been a sexually active partner with him, and last night his comment was "how about a little peek to get me through the week". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Two weeks ago he revealed to me that we cannot have sex when the kids are home with us, which happens to be every seven days on, seven days off. One of them is always with us. So last night I told him "no, remember... you don't want any of that when the kids are here" since I was curious of his response. He said he'll think of other things then. Other women? I wouldn't doubt it. 

He constantly makes comments on my weight to a point it is very hurtful. He was always overweight as a child and didn't recently get into great shape until he met me. I find his behavior toward me abusive. Am I overreacting here? I don't know what to do to make him interested in me. I cannot believe I am asking this since I know better. He should like me for who I am but the fact is he is just not interested in making me feel good.

I am getting resentful and depressed and wonder if anyone out there has any suggestions.


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