# My counseling started



## Torrivien

I had my first therapy session today. 
Here's (in part) why:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/54484-how-cope-infidelity-my-wife.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/54524-coping-my-wifes-infidelity-update.html

I had a good impression from the therapist. Very laidback and right to the point. When I asked her if she was religious, she said that it would never interfere with my "treatment". I really hope it will be the case, but she didn't yelled Heresy when I said that I don't believe in God (Allah would be more correct).

We spent the hour talking about this and that, I had already sent her an email (to her request) explaining what I'm expecting. She made it clear that it won't be a validation treatment, and that I may find stuff that I won't like about myself.
In her own words: "No one is as innocent as they think they are."

I am really looking forward to the other sessions.


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## Miss Taken

I'm glad to hear you had a good first session. 

It sounds like she might be a good counselor as often the best ones point out the things that we don't immediately recognize in ourselves, giving us an opportunity to grow. 

I'm not religious either. I find it's hard to find secular marriage/relationship advice as it is here in North America. I imagine it's a lot more difficult where you live! I hope she doesn't let her own religious biases interfere with giving you the help you're seeking.

I look forward to going to see my own counselor once this baby arrives!!!


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## Numb in Ohio

I had gone to IC a few months ago, and tried MC for a while with H. ( didn't work).

I have made an appt with a new IC, I go this Thursday. I hope she will be what I need. 

Glad you had a good first visit.


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## Torrivien

Numb in Ohio said:


> I had gone to IC a few months ago, and tried MC for a while with H. ( didn't work).
> 
> I have made an appt with a new IC, I go this Thursday. I hope she will be what I need.
> 
> Glad you had a good first visit.


Thanks. I really hope you'll have a better experience with the new one. What made you leave the first counselor ?



Miss Taken said:


> I'm glad to hear you had a good first session.
> 
> It sounds like she might be a good counselor as often the best ones point out the things that we don't immediately recognize in ourselves, giving us an opportunity to grow.
> 
> I'm not religious either. I find it's hard to find secular marriage/relationship advice as it is here in North America. I imagine it's a lot more difficult where you live! I hope she doesn't let her own religious biases interfere with giving you the help you're seeking.
> 
> I look forward to going to see my own counselor once this baby arrives!!!


Hi stranger, 
Yes she's pretty cool. She must be far over 40 but has a young spirit. She actually pointed to two things, that I thought to be normal but she convinced me we need to work on it:
1- It has been almost a decade since my father died and I still have a lot of "grudge" against him. She also pointed out to the fact that I used my relationship with him as a point of reference which is "putting the bar pretty low".
I told her that I consider the anger I have towards him as a fuel to my will to be a good person but she had a "meh" reaction. We didn't dwell on it though.

2- I can't keep talking about the issues I had with soon to be ex wife without doing the then again thing. Then again, she's like this. Then again, she's like that.
She said it's not safe to put her cheating solely on her issues because that would be too easy.

But she agrees with me on the points I believe in for dealing with the betrayal, but she said to be careful and not making as a basis to potential denial, which I denied (how ironic is that). Obviously she doesn't pat me on the back but she doesn't patronize me either.
Really looking forward to the next session.

EDIT: I have a wedding to attend to tonight. There's gonna be a lot of family members that must have heard about what happened. I was reluctant to go, and still is, but it slipped in the session and she told me that I have to go, otherwise it would be contradictory to say that I'm finally moving on while I still don't want to face people that I know.


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## Numb in Ohio

I really didn't have too much of a problem with my first counselor.. some of the activities she had me do were uncomfortable for me.. as example, she would want me to talk to an empty chair, imagining I was talking to my H... Just felt weird...

Plus this new one is closer for me.. 

I also went to another with my H for a while, as MC... my H was able to fool him, so he was saying that from now on, any work that was to be done for us to R was all on me... that my H had done everything he needed to do... This did not make me happy...

So I am starting with a new one, to start fresh.. to work on "me",, I want to work on myself, not the marriage...


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## Torrivien

Lol, I understand for the chair. I would find it really weird and wouldn't succeed to be serious.
I really hope you'll be able to find what you need with this new counselor. You should start a thread, if it's not indiscreet, and write about things you discovered, things that the therapist told you but you're not really convinced in, etc.


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## Torrivien

Couldn't get to my therapist today. Route blocked by riots, tear gas, everything.
Very disappointed.


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## Numb in Ohio

Torrivien said:


> Couldn't get to my therapist today. Route blocked by riots, tear gas, everything.
> Very disappointed.


That isn't good. Mine cancelled cause of being sick.. Got rescheduled for Wed.


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## Torrivien

That's really unfortunate. :/
The problem is that my counselor has a really tight schedule and could only free herself friday. So I have to wait for next week.


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