# Sex with my wife



## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

I am sure this is the more common scenario in marriage and that there are more than a few posts on the subject, but I'd like some help with my particular situation.

I am 37, my wife is 31 and we have been married for 12 years now. We were quite young, her much more so and to complicate things we were religious but later left religion altogether. Early on, things were fine, but for the past two years they are not even close to what I want or need.

We have sex, on average, about twice a month where I really want it at a minimum 2-3 times a week. Of those, I almost always initiate. She tells me she just is not interested in sex. She is a stay at home mom and has recently gone back to college. We have three kids ages 10, 7, 5 all are home schooled. She does not exercise regularly, but tries to when she can. I find her very attractive and tell her often.

Me? I work a regular 8-5, little OT, desk job. I make plenty for us to be comfortable and then some. I work our regularly. I am modest with my spending. I am an active father; take on much of the housework and many DIY jobs around the house. 

We have been to counseling, and all are in agreement that the trouble is not me. The only suggest that has been made is that sex starts in the head with women. I have varied how I come on to her with trying to seduce her with the common trappings to just telling her I want to do her. I have read books and tried to get her to read them. I have threatened to leave, but that may be hardest on me. I just don’t know what to do.

Let me end with this. When we married, monogamy was just assumed, but mostly on religious grounds. When that ended, I had to make some decision about what all this means to me. I think that making the commitment to marry is an agreement that you will take care of your partners needs. I am not looking for an excuse to cheat. I’d really prefer to just keep it at home. But if I am doing all I can and she is not, what are my options?


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

just_james said:


> I am sure this is the more common scenario in marriage and that there are more than a few posts on the subject, but I'd like some help with my particular situation.
> 
> I am 37, my wife is 31 and we have been married for 12 years now. We were quite young, her much more so and to complicate things we were religious but later left religion altogether. Early on, things were fine, but for the past two years they are not even close to what I want or need.
> 
> ...


Yours is a common story. It has a common solution, if there aren't too many extraneous factors:

1) You have to insist on the right to being sexually happy in the relationship; that is, she has to understand that the frequency just isn't cutting the mustard, and she needs to make an effort to step up her game.

2) If this is done politely, and she makes no progress at all, then you need to tacitly threaten the stability of the relationship to get her attention.

3) You need to be gently persistent that your needs in the relationship are valid, that you are fulfilling your end of the contract, and you have a reasonable expectation that she will fulfill hers.

After that, what you do is going to depend entirely on what she does.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

married&lovingit said:


> Have you stumbled upon the blog marriedmansexlife.com?
> 
> Blogger is a regular here... Great information - IMO....


Yeah, I read his stuff a lot. Great thinker. It's funny, we're both working on books about the same subject. But he's got some very clear insights.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

Thanks IanIronwood, I have done just that. The most serious time, I was even scouting locations if I had to move. Each time I had brought it up, things might improve slightly, but not for very long. Perhaps one more try at the list, then what? She has excuses like being under stress from school, being a mom, being a teacher, house keeper, etc. What happens if I cannot get what I need? Turn MY life upside down because she has trouble multitasking? This is frustrating.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

married&lovingit said:


> Have you stumbled upon the blog marriedmansexlife.com?
> 
> Blogger is a regular here... Great information - IMO....


Thanks.  Looks like a good blog.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

JJ,
Are you possibly too nice to her "in general"? Do you feel like she truly takes you seriously overall? Outside the bedroom, does she speak/interact with you respectfully or does she talk to you like you are a husband on a sitcom? 





just_james said:


> Thanks IanIronwood, I have done just that. The most serious time, I was even scouting locations if I had to move. Each time I had brought it up, things might improve slightly, but not for very long. Perhaps one more try at the list, then what? She has excuses like being under stress from school, being a mom, being a teacher, house keeper, etc. What happens if I cannot get what I need? Turn MY life upside down because she has trouble multitasking? This is frustrating.


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

Sorry to hear about this. If I don't initiate anything with my wife, we won't have sex at all! I got tired of initiating, so I stopped & 8 months went by without a word from her! I left for over a month, then we got back and since January the same thing is happening again. I said that to say some married women don't seem to care, they would rather just have us around for everything else. 
IanIronwood made some good points, especially about getting her attention.


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## Mandi1010 (Feb 8, 2011)

Well I hope these wives know how good they have it-a husband that initiates sex. If I don't initiate sex then it never happens. Sexual frustration does not even describe me in this area of our marriage. At least reading this thread I know I'm not alone-tho I'm on the female side of things...


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

just_james said:


> She has excuses like being under stress from school, being a mom, being a teacher, house keeper, etc. What happens if I cannot get what I need? Turn MY life upside down because she has trouble multitasking? This is frustrating.


James, these are all indeed just excuses. I am sure she knows these are excuses as well but will not admit it. I hate to be blunt, but right now she is not attracted to you. We ALL go through that. I know it is a huge pill to swallow, but it is the truth. If she was attracted to you she would be all over you.

Why is she not attracted to you, it probably has less to do with your physical appearance and more with your attitude/behavior. In order for her to bring back that attraction you need to do a few things:

-She needs to feel truly desired, both sexually and emotionally. Begging her for sex does not make her feel desired. It means telling her she is sexy as hell, constantly. It means showing her off in public... make out with her in front of your friends and strangers. You need to kiss and touch her, passionately, without any expectations that sex has to follow. The goal is to make her know she is sexy and build her confidence.

-She needs to respect you and you need to respect her. That means you both need to honestly communicate your deepest needs and you both need to listen until you really understand each other's needs. No lies, no hiding, no begging...man up and tell her what you want and need and ask her what she wants and needs and don't stop until she understands.

-She needs to feel the passion and excitement of first love. You need to date each other an act as if you are trying to win her love. 

I really think loss attraction and desire is the key issue in broken marriages and the answer is confidence, respect and passionate love.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

just_james said:


> Thanks IanIronwood, I have done just that. The most serious time, I was even scouting locations if I had to move. Each time I had brought it up, things might improve slightly, but not for very long. Perhaps one more try at the list, then what? She has excuses like being under stress from school, being a mom, being a teacher, house keeper, etc. What happens if I cannot get what I need? Turn MY life upside down because she has trouble multitasking? This is frustrating.


You need to be utterly consistent, infallibly polite, and ruthlessly persistent. Mean what you say, say what you mean. And don't let her wiggle out of it: hold her accountable for what she promises.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> JJ,
> Are you possibly too nice to her "in general"? Do you feel like she truly takes you seriously overall? Outside the bedroom, does she speak/interact with you respectfully or does she talk to you like you are a husband on a sitcom?


What if that is the case? What if the slightest mistake or blunder in speech, etc, resulted in a sitcom, back talk reaction. And in the meantime, you were doing everything you possibly could to help your wife (or husband) with whatever comes up. What would you say to that? or recommend?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

just_james said:


> Thanks. Looks like a good blog.


It's fabulous! :smthumbup:

And yes, I would have pointed you my way. Sounds like just all purpose loss of fun in your relationship.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hurra,
I have a bunch of posts recently on how to play with the emotional thermostat with a partner who is flat out trying to bully you.




Hurra said:


> What if that is the case? What if the slightest mistake or blunder in speech, etc, resulted in a sitcom, back talk reaction. And in the meantime, you were doing everything you possibly could to help your wife (or husband) with whatever comes up. What would you say to that? or recommend?


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

MEM11363 said:


> JJ,
> Are you possibly too nice to her "in general"? Do you feel like she truly takes you seriously overall? Outside the bedroom, does she speak/interact with you respectfully or does she talk to you like you are a husband on a sitcom?


I'm not sure. There is almost two years of history getting to this point that includes counseling, books and behavior changes, mostly at my insistence. At one time, I even had the "breakup talk". Things improved for a while after each thing, but always return to this. 

Too nice? I work a full time job, pay for her to go to school and manage the kiddos when she is at class or studying at home. I always try to do some chores, usually dishes, clothes and floors. I do not hassle her about my needing to come home and pick up the slack since I know she is busy with home schooling etc. After a while though, things come to a head where I've had enough and we end up have the same conversation about me not getting what I need.

I do get upset when she tells me she will, say, wash the clothes then not do it for a week until I run out. I start doing the laundry and then criticized for doing it wrong. So yes, sometimes it feels like a poor sitcom.

I don't want to say she could have it worse, we all could, but rather she has it pretty darn good.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

Mandi1010 said:


> Well I hope these wives know how good they have it-a husband that initiates sex. If I don't initiate sex then it never happens. Sexual frustration does not even describe me in this area of our marriage. At least reading this thread I know I'm not alone-tho I'm on the female side of things...


It is certainly more rare, but that hardly makes you feel any better right? My DW is taking sociology and brought up that this disconnect about sex is common. That does not make it ok.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

hubby said:


> James, these are all indeed just excuses. I am sure she knows these are excuses as well but will not admit it. I hate to be blunt, but right now she is not attracted to you. We ALL go through that. I know it is a huge pill to swallow, but it is the truth. If she was attracted to you she would be all over you.
> 
> Why is she not attracted to you, it probably has less to do with your physical appearance and more with your attitude/behavior. In order for her to bring back that attraction you need to do a few things:
> 
> ...


I totally agree. I just don't know how to get that flame started again. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I have tried each of the things you mention. She hates PDA so that only make matters worse. I have arranged to have the kids out of the house with family, I tell her daily how attractive she is. I've been blunt and subtle. After a few weeks, yes, it become begging. I am attractive, so I know that is not the issue. The trouble is probably more that she feels she is not attractive no matter what I say or how I act towards her. 

As I mentioned before, she likes to mention that this is a common problem statistically with men wanting sex more than women. I told her that if probably why the divorce rate is so high. She retorts with the statistic that finances are the number one reason, but I'm pretty sure that if a guy is getting laid often, he is not too worried about the money walking out the door. Sorry to go off on a tangent. 

I think the problem is her. I'm not sure there is anything more I can do to be a good husband. I don't think I should have to create a perfect atmosphere ever time I want to have sex. She needs to "woman up" and make an effort in this relationship, but I have not idea how to help her get there.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You keep saying you might leave her, but you're really just whining at her and begging her to change. Your actions say that you are nothing but talk on this front and you just threaten to leave. You don't actually do anything that would imply that you are taking action to head out the door if you don't have the relationship with her that you want.

Start ignoring her more. Stop all the compliments and lovey dovey stuff. *Start working out.* Buy some better clothes. Start paying more attention to other women and interacting with them a little more. Flirt.

If she complains about you not washing the clothes right that would be a Fitness Test. Don't allow her to tell your off for that.

All her talk about sexual averages is just the Female Rationalization Hamster talking. The actual issue is that she isn't terribly attracted to you right now and doesn't want to have sex with you very much.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Atholk said:


> You keep saying you might leave her, but you're really just whining at her and begging her to change. Your actions say that you are nothing but talk on this front and you just threaten to leave. You don't actually do anything that would imply that you are taking action to head out the door if you don't have the relationship with her that you want.
> 
> Start ignoring her more. Stop all the compliments and lovey dovey stuff. *Start working out.* Buy some better clothes. Start paying more attention to other women and interacting with them a little more. Flirt.
> 
> ...


Totally agree -- if you don't implicitly threaten the security of the relationship, she can safely ignore pretty much anything that flies out of your mouth. Actions speak much louder than words, and cutting off her non-sexual intimacy supply will communicate volumes. Oh, and stop doing her laundry altogether. She's an adult. She knows how to twist the knobs. If she wants an essentially room-mate relationship, then room-mates do their own damn laundry.

And be consistent. If you start down this road and then fold at the first sign of concession, you're losing. 

Try this: buy yourself some new underwear. Don't ask her, tell her, or even mention it, just buy some, preferably in a dramatically different style than you usually wear. Guys usually only do this when they're thinking maybe someone new might be seeing them, and this fact makes "buying new underwear" one of the top five signs that you're secretly having an affair (or thinking about it) thanks to 30 years of Cosmo articles. 

And if she doesn't notice at all . . . well, that should tell you something, too.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

Atholk said:


> You keep saying you might leave her, but you're really just whining at her and begging her to change. Your actions say that you are nothing but talk on this front and you just threaten to leave. You don't actually do anything that would imply that you are taking action to head out the door if you don't have the relationship with her that you want.
> 
> Start ignoring her more. Stop all the compliments and lovey dovey stuff. *Start working out.* Buy some better clothes. Start paying more attention to other women and interacting with them a little more. Flirt.
> 
> ...


I am all too aware of my lack of action. I don't walk out because I have a lot of "stuff" here. Where would I go it cost a heap to move out? I have three little girls, is this fair to them? I wish it were as simple as being single and just turning up the prick-o-meter. As for chores, I'm a neat freak and cleaning calms me down. This is especially hard in trying to teach my kids to clean. 

I suppose I can just act like a single dad and do my own laundry and help teach my girls to do their own. I already work out, but may be step it up a notch. A new wardrobe may be in order and possibly going out after work and coming home later.

It looks like I need to get through your blog a little more to see what you have written in shorthand here.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*lowering the temperature increasing the passion*

James, This is a technique that many folks have used with success. It absolutely does not require cranking up the "prick o meter". In fact, it works far better if you do not do that. 


In an LTR the ideal emotional temperature is one that BOTH people are comfortable with. Couples often “fight” for decades over the “thermostat” setting. He likes it really warm and constantly shows and wants to be shown love. She is likes it cooler and dislikes constantly being barraged with “love” as it makes her feel emotionally crowded. She starts seeing him as “clingy and insecure” and she withdraws. He clings harder, she pulls back further feeling ever more crowded. Sex dies and he frantically tries to raise the temperature using an ever increasing stream of love. She loses respect and ends it or has an affair. 
When you overheat someone with too much love, THEIR natural reaction is to try to “cool off” by giving you less love and less OR by provoking conflict to get you to go BACK UP. And they often reduce/stop having sex with you because when they already feel overheated/claustrophobic the LAST thing they want is the intense closeness of sex. Below is an example of badly mismatched thermostat settings.

While the stuff below is the "full" list, the actions that create the most heat (and heat in this case is really destructive) are:
- Repeatedly initiating sex even though you are directly being rejected and/or you are getting hostile compliance in the form of "hurry up and get it over with". 
- Repeatedly initiating ANY type loving activity where her reaction is negative/annoyed/flat out disrespectful. 
- Making peace, apologizing after a fight even though it was clearly her fault

This whole strategy is predicated on a simple concept: I am less loving, when my minimal needs are not being met, or are outright being shown disdain/disrespect. 

The WARM/HOT partner wants to “raise” the temperature so they:
1.	Are almost always saying ILY or IAILWY first
2.	Typically initiate calls/texts/emails when apart/one or both are at work
3.	Make “peace” after a fight even when your partner clearly wronged you 
4.	Walk around visibly angry/VERY angry after a fight (this comes across as “I am furious that you – the person I LOVE SO MUCH – is doing x,y,z to ME
5.	Anxiously keep trying to make up when you were in the wrong because you cannot bear having them angry with you
6.	Are mostly/always initiating physical contact (hugs, kisses, touches, groping)
7.	When anxious you initiate “talks” about the R, typically to “fix” them/their behavior 
8.	Do MORE, sometimes WAY MORE than your fair share of housework
9.	Put their needs ahead of yours whenever there is a priority conflict
10.	Are constantly seeking their approval
11.	Show anxiety or fear when they are angry/frustrated with you
12.	Initiate sex when their body language radiates a “lack” of interest/desire, pout/sulk get angry when they tactfully decline sex

The COOL partner wants less warmth so they:
1.	React irritably/with hostility to HOT behaviors such as:
a.	Discussions about the R
b.	Requests for sex. An irritated “NO” when asked for sex is an attempt to throw a bucket of ice water on a painfully overheated moment
2.	Often behave more and more disrespectfully to their warmer partner and often steadily deprioritize both the partner and the R hoping to lower the temperature
3.	Provoke their partner to create conflict and space

The Warm partner thinks they are repeatedly conveying “I LOVE YOU” with all this activity. The Cooler partner actually hears it as a question, repeated over and over ad nauseum: “Do YOU love ME”? Imagine if you replaced every loving act by literally asking “Do you love me”? How well do you think THAT would fly. 

The MAIN thing though is that through it all the warm partner remains upbeat, optimistic, positive and fun to be around. She gets to see you are happy and engaged in your life, while at the same time you are calmly and methodically deprioritizing her needs. 

The core message this thermostat mismatch sends to the cooler partner is: I DON’T DESERVE YOU. And over time your behavior convinces them you are right.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Think about this and let me know if the concept resonates with you.




just_james said:


> I totally agree. I just don't know how to get that flame started again. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I have tried each of the things you mention. She hates PDA so that only make matters worse. I have arranged to have the kids out of the house with family, I tell her daily how attractive she is. I've been blunt and subtle. After a few weeks, yes, it become begging. I am attractive, so I know that is not the issue. The trouble is probably more that she feels she is not attractive no matter what I say or how I act towards her.
> 
> As I mentioned before, she likes to mention that this is a common problem statistically with men wanting sex more than women. I told her that if probably why the divorce rate is so high. She retorts with the statistic that finances are the number one reason, but I'm pretty sure that if a guy is getting laid often, he is not too worried about the money walking out the door. Sorry to go off on a tangent.
> 
> I think the problem is her. I'm not sure there is anything more I can do to be a good husband. I don't think I should have to create a perfect atmosphere ever time I want to have sex. She needs to "woman up" and make an effort in this relationship, but I have not idea how to help her get there.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I had a similar problem as yours.

One of the things that really helped my Wife, was that she had to make sex one of her priorities.

She had no interest in it either, it was very low on her priority list of things to do.

You need to let your Wife know that when she doesn't have sex with you, the rejection makes you feel that she doesn't love you. And that it really hurts you.

I also disagree about the advice about ignoring her. I would instead give her extra attention.

When she brings up stats, tell her you don't care what the stats say. You need sex from her to feel loved. Lots of things can break up marriages, and not feeling loved is a pretty big one.

Ask her how she would feel, if she found out you cheated on her. When she says that it would hurt, tell her that's how you feel when she rejects you. You feel cheated.

If she does love you, and doesn't have any medical problems causing these issues then she will change. My Wife did.

Another thing that helped my Wife, was that she just needed to start having more sex even when she "thinks" she didnt want to. Eventually with the more sex you have, the more you want it.

But if she doesn't change, then I would either leave her or cheat on her. or both.


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

*Re: lowering the temperature increasing the passion*



MEM11363 said:


> James, This is a technique that many folks have used with success. It absolutely does not require cranking up the "prick o meter". In fact, it works far better if you do not do that.
> 
> 
> In an LTR the ideal emotional temperature is one that BOTH people are comfortable with.
> ...


The list is pretty close. I get the mismatch and I understand what you are saying, but what do you DO about it? I presume the advice is "stop doing a, b, c from the list". By being more of a prick, I meant stop putting her needs before mine. Any further advice of getting her "stat" up?


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## just_james (Oct 27, 2008)

Tool said:


> I had a similar problem as yours.
> 
> One of the things that really helped my Wife, was that she had to make sex one of her priorities.
> 
> She had no interest in it either, it was very low on her priority list of things to do.


Sounds like the same boat.



> You need to let your Wife know that when she doesn't have sex with you, the rejection makes you feel that she doesn't love you. And that it really hurts you.
> 
> I also disagree about the advice about ignoring her. I would instead give her extra attention.
> 
> ...


As this has been going on for a couple of years, that conversation has happened. I felt like I was falling out of love and wanted out. I made the decision to try and make this all work, mostly for my girls and in part because finding someone else is such a chore and the financial burden is a high. I stepped up the kindness and love and I think the opposite happened. I love her, but she acts like she does not love me. 



> If she does love you, and doesn't have any medical problems causing these issues then she will change. My Wife did.


She may have a mental issue. I dunno.



> Another thing that helped my Wife, was that she just needed to start having more sex even when she "thinks" she didnt want to. Eventually with the more sex you have, the more you want it.


I've mentioned this. A great book I read was "The Sex-Starved Marriage". Much of the advice given here was in there. The one concept that helped the most was the idea that some people are aroused then physically stimulated (me) while others need to be physically stimulated before they are aroused (her). The trouble there of course is getting her to let go for a while and try to get aroused. I also disagreed with the final though of that book which was if nothing changes, learn to live with it.



> But if she doesn't change, then I would either leave her or cheat on her. or both.


Trying to avoid that, but it may be a plan C.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

alot of the suggestions us high drive spouses get here involved us making stronger efforts to change our LD spouses behavior. Many on this thread involve ultimatums or actions that amount to "do it or were done." Thats manipulation and might even be called blackmail. I wont do it, i am a good person, great father and strong provider with no physical issues or "inabilities." I feel like i do enough and I feel strongly that my wife is the problem. She is an intelligent adult and i know she knows we are not intimate near enough, yet i continue to see her do nothing about it. I cannot and will not help those that will not at least try to help themselves.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

One night I told my Wife that we needed to have a talk. I needed to know what I needed to do so that she would want sex again.

I found out that she resented me. Which was funny because I resented her too. We were both denying each other what we wanted, which lead to all of our problems.

We both agreed we would change. She would have sex a lot more, and I would be there for her emotionally.

So I changed overnight, but she did not. I got pretty ticked off when she said she need time. I said fine, im not changing then. Sex has been great since.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> alot of the suggestions us high drive spouses get here involved us making stronger efforts to change our LD spouses behavior. Many on this thread involve ultimatums or actions that amount to "do it or were done." Thats manipulation and might even be called blackmail. I wont do it, i am a good person, great father and strong provider with no physical issues or "inabilities." I feel like i do enough and I feel strongly that my wife is the problem. She is an intelligent adult and i know she knows we are not intimate near enough, yet i continue to see her do nothing about it. I cannot and will not help those that will not at least try to help themselves.


It is not Black Mail because it goes both ways.. Yes she needs to do it, or we are done.. But at the same time the man needs to be there for her emotionally or she isnt going to do it. Both need to change.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Tool said:


> It is not Black Mail because it goes both ways.. Yes she needs to do it, or we are done.. But at the same time the man needs to be there for her emotionally or she isnt going to do it. Both need to change.


i'm not sure its safe to assume that any HD spouse isnt there emotionally for their LD spouse. It may be the case sometimes, but certainly not always.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

You are correct it is not always the case.

But for my situation, this was the exact problem. But I would think it would be safe to say that in most cases where there is not a medical reason behind the low desire. That there is probably some kind of emotional disconnect.

A lot of Women just do not desire you, if you are not there for them. Which makes things hard because a lot of Men wont be there for her emotionally if they are not getting it.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Tool said:


> A lot of Women just do not desire you, if you are not there for them. Which makes things hard because a lot of Men wont be there for her emotionally if they are not getting it.


and it starts somewhere, someone checks out first followed eventually by the other. there is fault involved but it can be hard to recall where it all started and its usually left unattended until it gets critical.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I have no clue how it all started with my Wife.. All I know is that after our second child is when I really noticed it..

But we were both to blame.. And we both changed..


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

just_james said:


> I am sure this is the more common scenario in marriage and that there are more than a few posts on the subject, but I'd like some help with my particular situation.
> 
> I am 37, my wife is 31 and we have been married for 12 years now. We were quite young, her much more so and to complicate things we were religious but later left religion altogether. Early on, things were fine, but for the past two years they are not even close to what I want or need.
> 
> ...


You have enough money - and kids like to have fun - so at least two days a week take them to the new Drop off complete fun for kids places. They are open until midnight. You purchase a pass for so many hours a month. Very reasonable prices. Then you drop them off when you want to and pick them up - they are open from 6am to 12 midnight - but it is like huge - the kids don't know they are in daycare - there is a movie theatre, they feed them meals, they have inside playground, and my neice loves it - 

Raising three kids would definitely not make me feel too hot and sexy for my man - especially if there is a chance of having a forth one - use some birth control. That could be another issue - 

Besides all my advice - ask your wife how hard is it with the three kids? Ask your wife if it would be okay to date her again and you can take the kids to a place for a couple of hours for you to be alone together?

Did you ever have a great sex life with her? If so, then think about what was going on in your life and her life at that time. Okay don't think about you - think about what made her open to having sex, and did you make her cum?


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