# confused



## dmhughes (Jan 25, 2011)

i have been married a year and a half but we have been seperated for a few months because i got tired of living with his dad. well i miss him so much but my family hates him everyone is telling me to go get the divorce but im not sure i really want that!!! he says he dont think we can be togather because of our family and it is killing me!! i honestly dont know what to do i stay depressed and feel like im lost!!


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

What I've tried to do is isolate the problem. If the problem is family interference, then maybe you could try to remove that as a problem, even if only temporarily. Why were you living with your FIL? Was it a temporary arrangement or permanent? If only temporary, then surely you shouldn't get a divorce. 

Another thought...your family doesn't have to be married to him...you do. If YOU love him, and YOU want to be with him, the YOU should. 

I'm sure there are other circumstances affecting the situation, and there is probably a lot of gray area. Isolating the problem has tended to help me get clarity from time to time.


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## dmhughes (Jan 25, 2011)

we were living there tempary but he didnt seem to want to leave!! i had a job working 3rd and he hasnt worked our whole marriage! we lost our place when i got a few payments behind on rent it was hard working full time being a full time student and trying to be a new wife!! my family hates him and his dad and step mom hates me now and i dont know how he feels it is tearing me up inside!


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

So it might not only be family issues, but also financial stressors as well. 

Have you sat down with him to discuss your recovery plan? 

Questions to ask:
1. What is he doing to begin the process of finding a job?
2. What are you both doing to save money to get your own place together?
3. Is it possible that either of you should begin venting to others (possibly a counselor or friend) instead of talking to your families...since they seem to pass judgement?

Where are you living in the meantime? Perhaps he thinks that since you moved out, that it means you're definitely doomed. Do you have the option of moving back in? Would you be able to tolerate his dad for just a little while if he begins taking steps towards finding your own place?


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## dmhughes (Jan 25, 2011)

i would move back with him if his dad didnt hate me he is living a hour away from me i go to school here im with my parents right now. i wrote him a letter pouring my feelings out to him and havent heard anything yet. i want to do counsling my preacher even offered it but he didnt seem to want to go so i dropped it! i just wish i could go and erase everything and be like we was when we first moved in togather and got married.


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