# DDay - 1 Year Ago Today



## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

I would like to start by saying an immense "Thank You" to everyone who shared their thoughts and opinions with me during this difficult period of my life. Your advice made a world of difference to me. Being an introvert, it felt good to know I was not alone in this experience.

This past year's experiences have had a powerful and trans-formative affect on my life. What started out as an issue between my wife and I has rippled through almost every major aspect of my life. My views and beliefs on friendship, family, marriage, money, and myself have all changed dramatically for my betterment. 

The emotional "cloud" of my DDay lifted about a month ago and how WONDERFUL it was to experience joy and happiness again. I was so happy I cried. To all of you who have recently been shoved into the black hole of infidelity, in time it does get better.

In January, I decided to reconcile with my wife after three significant events. 

1) I served my wife with divorce papers and it truly "rocked" her world. You can see the change in her eyes; hear voice and her behavior. While I am "rooting" for her/our continued success she is aware that the divorce papers will remain in my bank lock box forever and that I will proudly divorce her if she backslides.

2) After 6 months of chasing him, I was finally able to "smoke" the OM out of his whole and make him apologize to me. Sure the police, lawyers and a judge had to be brought into it but it was 100% worth it. If I think about the OM now I actually LAUGH now. A coward dies a 1,000,001 deaths.

3) I chose not post on TAM until my DDay 1 year anniversary because I did not want the negative emotions of my current turmoil to taint what I might say to someone else in their moment of pain. So I would read older posts and reflect on other TAM members' experiences. What I read really touched my heart. I was amazed at how "BIG" some people here are. Their insights, their sharing of their painful experiences and their forgiveness of waywood spouses. I chose to be "BIG".

I'll end my update here with "Thanks" again and I look forward to chatting with you guys and helping others who are about to walk the well worn path of our journey.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I'm pleased to offer you my congratulations, and from the snippets from your other posts, it certainly looks like you're in a better place. You're in R but being firm with your requirements and not rugsweeping. It looks like you will be one of the success stories here, but you are being vigilant and your boundaries are strong. 

Your post is full of win. :smthumbup:

If you're not triggering too badly, it would be great if you can offer the newly betrayed the benefit of your hard won experience and help those in need. We all know not all marriages can be saved, but there are those that can be.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> I would like to start by saying an immense "Thank You" to everyone who shared their thoughts and opinions with me during this difficult period of my life. Your advice made a world of difference to me. Being an introvert, it felt good to know I was not alone in this experience.
> 
> This past year's experiences have had a powerful and trans-formative affect on my life. What started out as an issue between my wife and I has rippled through almost every major aspect of my life. My views and beliefs on friendship, family, marriage, money, and myself have all changed dramatically for my betterment.
> 
> ...


Good for you!

I'm only 2 mo out from DDay... so it's still very difficult.
I'd love to hear your insight as to how you were able to accomplish what you did and move on from such pain.

Your "experience" would be much appreciated here.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Congratulations! A little more than a week out from our 2-year D-Day1 anniversary, and I finally shooed the biggest cloud hanging over or R away last week.

It really does get better and easier, doesn't it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Grayson said:


> Congratulations! A little more than a week out from our 2-year D-Day1 anniversary, and I finally shooed the biggest cloud hanging over or R away last week.
> 
> It really does get better and easier, doesn't it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does it ever!!!! It reminds me so much of a swimming sensation I experienced as a kid. My older brother and I would go under water to see who could hold their breathe the longest. I would try so desperately to stay under long enough to out last him. But needless to say "older" brother always won. But the first deep breathe, after coming up out of the water, felt like my first breathe of life. I guess every cell in my body was singing at that moment "Halleluiah".


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

*because I did not want the negative emotions of my current turmoil to taint what I might say to someone else in their moment of pain*

This is a profoundly introspective and insightful statement.

Well said.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Good for you!
> 
> I'm only 2 mo out from DDay... so it's still very difficult.
> I'd love to hear your insight as to how you were able to accomplish what you did and move on from such pain.
> ...


One of the more powerful experiences I had, that affected my heart, occurred a couple of days before the 10th anniversary of 9/11. I wanted to do something to honor the memories of the victims of that horrific day. 

So I decided I would research and learn about at least three of the victims of that day. I wanted to honor them by keeping them in my mind for the remainder of my life. If life is but a dream why not let them live again in my dream?

I came across the story of 9/11 victim Kevin Cosgrove. On Wikipedia it mentioned he actually got through to 911 emergency on that day. So I looked it up on Youtube and played the recording. 

Kevin Cosgrove's LIVE 911 call as he DIES - YouTube

While listening to the recording I began to put myself in Mr. Cosgrove's position. I began to think about what would be going through my mind in that situation. A wave of emotion came over me and I realized I could NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT go to my grave with the heavy heart and mind I had been carrying around since my DDay!!!!! When my life's "Oh God! Oh..." moment comes I want to be free...free at last.


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