# Jealousy Ouch



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Need feedback. Yes, I am going through a jealous episode. STBXH is on cell everytime I come home, hiding in his bedroom and I think I know it is the EA from facebook. But he has alot of family and is very close to sister so...

None of that matters, it is the jealousy I must deal with and I hate it, I hate the feeling.

We are an inhouse divorce. I spoke to him yesterday about what occurred with my feelings(after 3 and half months of silence) when I wasn't allowed to express them; he only wanted happy, happy, happy in house and said that anything else was to be left at front door. So it all festered and came out in control and perfection issues.

So now he understands about me but that doesn't change anything. He said too bad I hadn't said this before.

How do you deal with jealousy?

Thanks in advance. I would love to dump this crappy feeling. I feel like I have taken a couple of steps backward.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Being jealous sucks, I hate it. I'm not overly jealous but when it happens it's all consuming. I am worried stbx has been dating someone else, too even though at this point I shouldn't care. One break up we had he did date someone else and it still bothers me.

This time around I'm just figuring he's with the most beautiful, amazing rich woman and dealing with it. I want to ask then I tell myself don't ask. He's dating a supermodel get over it. I don't know why that helps but it does. I just am making peace with the worst case scenario and trying to move on.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

stair:
Thanks, I have used that psychology as well and it works. 

Boy is this a roller coaster or not. Today, after that talk, X is avoiding me (yet he cooked meal but he has to eat to so that doesn't mean anything) and this is probably better. That fake how are you crap hurts more because it is fake, he doesn't really care.

I read that it takes a month for every year of a relationship and that is heartening. Then I have 5 months, hey nine months; a pregnancy and I can expel the dead relationship.

Again, thank you and others for your support at this difficult time. And I do it sober- yikes.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Being sober is way overrated. Ok honestly I don't drink tons but it's usually once a week, sometimes twice if the week sucks.

The fake how are yous are about that person trying to make themselves feel better. It's so rude I hate it too. I'm fine now shut up about it.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

5 months for every year = 15 yrs. for me - I can't afford that so I have to beat these statistics, I don't have a choice.

As for being rude, ummm yeah, I can sense that she doesn't want to be around me so she just responds sarcastically to my questions. I've tried to quit talking to her but it is awkward being in the same car and pretending like the person sitting next to you doesn't exist. This is the proverbial Limbo death. I don't know how long I will be chained down. God help me.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Brighter: No no : one month for every year! My god that would be torture. We have enough right now on our plates we don't need to envision that getting over this will be equivalent to another lifetime. LOL


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> I read that it takes a month for every year of a relationship and that is heartening.


There's no mathematical solution to heal heartbreak.

It takes TIME, which is cliche as hell, but true.

As far as jealousy: try not to be around him. Sounds like he is prob having an affair. Don't badger him with ?s. Are either of you moving out? An inhouse divorce sounds awful. 

If he wants out, he should go.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah jealosy, has been constantly flowing towards the OM at various rates. It was tapering off, after reading Big Bad Wolf's idea s of spanking it really has occured to me that she found dominance in the OM irresistable, so jealousy of OM came back hard last couple days. I have also had a lot of jealousy how easily W can just give into her animal instincts - why am I so reserved and can't just satisfy my sexual urges by sleeping with the first person I'm attracted to (not that I've ever noticed the opportunity come up)? How the heck does a man even do that? by being "bad"? Pea****ing? What lies/embellishments about himself did these guys feed my wife to convince her they were somehow superior to other men, me in particular? They boldly play themselves up while subtly putting down other men, they really don't care about her feelings or breaking up her family, they just want her puutie, and she was stupid/weak enough to fall for it or not see it for what it is.

Anyways I gotta close that tap, obviously, its taking too much energy out of me. As Cee Lo says "Forget" him, and "forget: her too.

(sorry for rant)


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Well. Have you heard the original...non radio version of that song? Much better wording than "forget"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yeah that's why I put quotes around "forget" I was thinking the other F word. Forget is actually better though otherwise I get bad visions of her with OM.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Sparkles. Staircase.

You are supermodels! His fkn loss!

Lon,
Are you in your man up journey? I had these feeling about OM too, but after a short period and a smack in the head, I realized it didn't matter. I am who I am. Thousands of beautiful women out there want what I m if I become available. 

Going t o the gym and putting on thirty pounds of rock hard manly man muscles over nine month helps the self esteem too! Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

just looked at her facebook and she has put up all kinds of new info on their, some things which are true and others that I see are fake, but I guess those are the things she wants to be, her goals, so I guess I wish her good luck - she'll need it, at least after the glow of her affairs are over.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Sparkles. Staircase.
> 
> You are supermodels! His fkn loss!
> 
> ...


Yeah definitely in the manning up stage, but having a girly moment this morning, trying to use this forum to get it out of my system. I've been working out but I'm not getting the rush of endorphines and its bloody hard... I chatted with woman on pof the other day and was feeling good, but today it feels like even more disappointment cause its something I'm already disinterested in.

And yeah agreed with you Sparkles and Staircase are effing amazing!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Lon-dont look at her FB page. It will just drive you insane and make things worse.

Jealousy does suck, it is probably one of my least favorite feelings. I was always really jealous also, I still am, but I'm working on it.

Just remember all you can control is you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Thanks DG, you are absolutely right! In fact I'm unfriending her from fb right now. You are amazing too DG!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Jealousy. huh, I just want to get the F out right now! Don't care if she sleeps with Brad Pitt or Danny Devito, I just want my freedom; maybe I should join up with William Wallace. 

Sorry folks, not having a good day.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

jellybeans and stair:
No job, no money but for mortgage so we're stuck. He may be having EA but now I feel much better. Got with the girls, shared and cried and went retail shopping (very frugally) but I really needed it. I have been denying myself that for 2 years.

Yes, this comes and goes and thank God it is gone now.

It was 4 days of bull_ _ _ t. But onto better things. I have been checking out plenty of fish and we shall see.

Got to something other than IC, group, meetings and looking for a job. Gots to have some fun!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> I have been checking out plenty of fish and we shall see.


Be warned though, I wasn't really expecting attention on pof the other day when I mentioned I put up my profile, and I;ve actually been chatting with someone, except I've forgotten how much time relationships consume, every time I look at my phone there is more texts from her. Time to ask her to back off a bit, hopefully let her down gently :scratchhead:


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon! You stud!!! LMAO!! :smnotworthy:

Just messing with you man. I haven't gone to pof simply because I am in defense mode right now. Gotta keep my head straight until we pay off debt, separate our finances, and I move out. It got pretty intense with the finance thing last night, I didn't expect it to get her so terse with me.

Anyway, I think it would be nice to chat with someone on pof or *******, or match.com but, I am not too sure about the phone thing right now. As much as my stbxw resents me right now, I am sure that adding OW into the mix would make her head explode. I don't know why she should give a rats a$$ but my gut instinct tells me she will so I am backing off a little while.

I would think that you could ask the OW to limit her texting to maybe a couple of times a week. Just ask her to give you some space. Then decide where/if you want to take that relationship anywhere. IMHO it would be a bit too soon for me.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yeah BL, I just put this up there to warn not to go this route until you really are ready. I thought I was when I put that up, but there have been moments that I felt I haven't. Honestly though, why hold ourselves back? I guess I don't want to saddle someone else with my problems, when I'm certain enough what I really want I think then I'll be ready.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon said:


> yeah BL, I just put this up there to warn not to go this route until you really are ready. I thought I was when I put that up, but there have been moments that I felt I haven't. Honestly though, why hold ourselves back? I guess I don't want to saddle someone else with my problems, when I'm certain enough what I really want I think then I'll be ready.


On the mark! It isn't fair to the other person. My concerns exactly. We wouldn't really be giving it a real chance until we ready for that.

OK, gotta leave work so I will be off here until later tonight.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Yes it is nice to fantasize about getting back out there. It's more of a morale booster. I went on match.com and went out on date but I was not ready at all. And I explained this to the person. Well that person texted me for the next month and a half even when I gently told him the exact nature of my heart and that I had made a mistake.

But I will be careful because if I'm not ready it is not fair to me nor to the other person.

But it felt good and that's what I wanted. Some positive stuff amidst all this other dark stuff.

Good night all and be good to yourselves.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Lon said:


> Thanks DG, you are absolutely right! In fact I'm unfriending her from fb right now. You are amazing too DG!


Not only unfriend her, but block her. Trust me, if your looking at her page I am sure she's probably looking at yours as well.

Take this time to work on you. Become the fun loving, secure, fabulous person you are. A woman that only a fool would leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Lon I feel like an idiot. I just called you a woman

*insert foot in mouth here*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

OMG, if I even come across as a woman in my writing I definitely need to man up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon said:


> OMG, if I even come across as a woman in my writing I definitely need to man up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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