# Update and why it will take forever.



## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's my current situation and maybe some others will learn from this or have similar stories.

Someday ex-wife got really depressed in summer of 2012. I got to shoulder the blame for all her problems. She took half our savings in Sept 2012 and starting asking me to leave her and the 2 boys alone. We tried counseling. She just used it as an opportunity to yell at me, refused to try any of the communication exercises, and walked out in Nov 2012. I forced her into individual counseling and got her to get depression treatment by refusing to proceed with dissolution until she started these.

In the spring of 2013 we attempted joint counseling again with somebody new. He forced her to contract to a minimum number of sessions. We agreed to use this counseling to ease our dissolution. She eventually got angry during a session and walked out again in July 2013 (see life insurance below). She refused to follow this counselors advice either.

After consulting an attorney, I did not move out. Her attorney proposed I pay her $7500/mos in spousal support and $3000/mos in child support. This was my entire after tax income! Of course, she didn't like my low ball counter proposal. Figured we'd eventually come to a reasonable middle.

I bought my own house and moved out in June 2013. I had stopped putting money into retirement funds, college funds for several months and received an IRS refund for something 15 years ago. I was able to use this money for the down payment and she agreed to let me do it if I didn't claim any equity in our joint home in the final agreement. We also agreed on a distribution of our retirement funds.

Over the summer the attorneys went back a forth a couple of times, getting closer to the middle ground my experienced attorney originally calculated. She then held up the negotiation for 2 months because I wouldn't take an life insurance physical for an additional $350,000. My attorney advised that this should be part of the dissolution agreement and that I'd take the physical after the agreement is filed during the waiting period. Right now, without this policy, if I die she gets $2 million in assets and insurance.

In the early fall, she suddenly started increasing her spousal support requests from $2500/mos to $3000/mos then $3500/mos. The child support request remained at the state's calculated $1600/mos. I countered with $2800/mos spousal and $1600/mos child ($4400 total). It works out to $52,800 per year for 5-6 years, till the children graduate and the 6 years of support expires (1 year of support for every 3 years marriage in our state because she stayed home with the kids).

She filed for divorce in November 2013. The day before the affidavits for temporary orders were due, her attorney called mine and requested $5,700/mos. I declined. Our best offer is about 2/3 that. What's interesting is that her attorney filed inaccurate, poorly calculated and incomplete affidavits with the divorce filing and did not update them for the temporary orders hearing. My attorney filed very nicely done paperwork, with the calculations, corrected numbers and supporting information.

For the first 4 months after I moved out, I paid both mortgages, all her utility bills and refilled the joint checking account when it ran low. She's taken over the utilities and mortgage in the last 3-4 months, after some arguing. I still fill the checking account she uses to pay the bills. She has a small salary of her own, but I provide most support.

Lastly, while this is taking forever, there is good news. Before I moved out and through the early summer I was having anxiety attacks, not sleeping more than 2-3 hours, lost 25 pounds, was falling behind and work, and almost fell for a gold digger. Now, 7-8 months after moving out, I sleep well, have no more anxiety attacks, gained half the weight back, am doing well at work, and decided it's best to wait on the dating stuff. My relationship with my boys is great. They said my house feels like a home to them. (We have 50/50 via verbal agreement). 

I am very content these days.


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