# When do you stay, when do you go?



## brtngrl69 (Jan 20, 2013)

It'll be 5 years of marriage in September. Not 2 weeks ago we were planning to travel to Aruba (where we had honeymoon) for our anniversary. Now we barely speak to each other. We've always fought over money, attitude, sex, professions, permanent location, you name it, we can find a way to fight over it. But we have also been really good to each other. When things are good and we say we love each other, you know its the truth. When things are bad and we say we hate each other... well it also seems true. 
Most recently, since our last fight, not all that atypical from any past fights, but apparently the one that broke the camel's back, it all feels simply broken. The love light is gone from his eyes. Nothing I do is right, and granted a lot of it may not be, but his reaction is harsh. His patience, gone.
I've not cheated on him, as far as I know he hasn't me. In fact our life together isn't all that bad. Unfortunately, my mom, my last surviving parent passed away a year ago but in that we inherited close to a million dollars. We've since relocated from the place that was our home together to his home state and area. We are surrounded entirely by his relatives. My inheritance bought and paid for a nice home for our family along with 24 acres of farm land on the road he grew up on. All of which is deeded in both our names even though he did not put a single penny towards the balances owed. I work, he stays home with our baby. He is more or less able to spend as necessary and we constantly, whether by his choice or mine, financially support his family members, including his alcholic mother in law who also doesn't work, but regularly babysits for us. 
I don't know what to do. We have always threatened divorce, we have always fought like I said, but we ALWAYS got past it, always found some sort of even ground despite the fact that inevitably we always fall off of it. 
I can see we are both finally getting tired. I'm not convinced that he's with me because he has faith in our marriage as he says, but more because he doesn't have to work and gets everything paid for him.
I feel powerless to stop this trend, afraid I'll be a cold hearted selfish and controlling *****, once again using money to be the power player. 
February marks 1 year with my mom gone and he is struggling with his own depression as his dad is sick with a degenerative lung disorder and his grampa just passed away.
When we got married to each other it was in part because we came from families where divorce wasn't an option. But I can't help but feel like we are only staying in this for the wrong reasons. I can't help but feel like we are just making each other miserable. 
I'm tired of the cyclical nature of our relationship, I'm tired of never doing anything right for him. HE corrects my every move, coaches me on anything I do whether it's picking our daughter up or driving the car.
When he's mad he shuts himself away from me and I always chase him which always makes him more dispondant. When I'm mad I either want to fight or I demand the space I may or may not get.
My therapist says we can heal this break ,but he refuses couple's therapy.
I'm lonely, lost and tired. I need some support or advice.... Anything you got is appreciated.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I'd do a sit down with him, with your heart wide open, and talk, compromise, make it work. I'm sure his depression affects his behavior too. Be compassionate with each other and see where the conversation leads you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You can go to counseling on your own if he will not. 

There is a book that I think could help you.. "Divorce Busting". 

Did you keep any of the inheritance in your own name? Do you feel like you were suckered into buying that land and puting the property in both of your names? 

You are earning the income. Why are you supporting his family?

And why is an alcoholic babysitting your child?


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

When you say you are supporting his alcoholic mother in law, do you mean his mother or his ex-wife's mother?

If he won't go to counseling, tell him you want a trial separation.
You both sound burnt out and need some time to clear your heads.


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