# conservative hubby



## tchibesakunda (Feb 7, 2013)

hi there, am new to these forum site and its like ages i have been trying to find a serious and flexible forum about marriage and other issues conceerning marriage.

i hope to be welcomed by all of you as i have many issues to be clarified when it comes to marriage. 

on this post i need some help advice or clear idea of whats wrong in my or his actions on sex issues....!

am mozambican(33), married to a zambian(48) 8 yrs, trhee cute children

i am very active sexualy or i wish i was now that am married. i always liked crazy sex, adventure sex, naughty things to do. Got married and my hubby happens to be a lovemaking guy "all" the time. i like lovemaking but i like to F...(excuse my expression). 

we met and 4 months later we got married, so its like the lovemaking we had at the time was ok cause we were starting. Then the children came one after the other (7,6,5), so there was not much time to think or be aware of the sex life . it happened cause we healthy and needed, but our early wife/hubby/ children got more of our time.

Along this time he did show himself as a very conservative person when it comes to sex and general issues of life, but at the time it was ok cause of the "family" and beleave me with 3 cuties with only 1 yr diference its complicated.

Now the past 3 years, since the last born is quite independent , and the other much more, i get the chance to enjoy time with him and realize that i have not been having sex the way i like but the way it was comfortable for us cause of the "family" life.

we were living in europe and the past 3 yrs we are living in africa and settled. so i decided to reveal the "miss-like-too-much-sex" cause we have more time, children big enough to give us time; thas when he says:
-i have changed, 
-that i have become perverse with sex fantasies(saying i fantasize too much), 
-that i like too much porn(wich when i ask him to watch together to improve our sex life he denies), 
-says that i trivialize sex,
- says i dont have morals, 
-says am not respecting him by addressing him agressive on sex matters

Sex in my bedroom is missionar position and behind but laid down. Sex happens in a short space of time. while we doing it i can see and feel that his moves are more to his climax rather than "i want to satisfy her". And the fact that i take long to come unless when i masturbate, i never come while having intercourse with him....We did talk about it , we did argue about it , i even told him YES I AM A B...., I LIKE IT DIRTY AND OUR ROMM EVERYTHING SHOULD BE ALLOWED....but none has really matter to him; instead he starts thinking i mighty cheat on him cause i want too much sex!!!

my hubby denies sex; my hubby gets out of the room when i masturbate or falls asleep ...very rare he helps me or caresses me while am on it with my self.

i have not explored my house...no sex in toillet, no sex in the kitchen, no sex in the car, no sex adventure in friends house toilet ....for me this is madness

lately he tells me that he behaves like that cause he wants to miss me and tresure me(appreciated) !!!! like if we do it in the night and then in the morning , its done, no more for the next 3-4 days. he says he is afraid if he does it too much with me he will loose taste of me!!!!!!

the other day i told him: you act like a wife and am the crazy sex hubby....

good thing is that we talk about this issues(and he says laughing that am paranoid about sex), we are friends but i simple do not reach him when it comes to sex...
if i was paranoid i would have done it or look for it outside our relation wich i havent and dont want to do it....althought the desperation is leading my wishes to it....

sooooooo people....help me ....i really need some insight on this one


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Nothing wrong with you, Mrs. Tchibesakunda. I think it's your husband who needs to broaden his horizons that women need to be pleased in sex too. Please persuade him to see a therapist.


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

Sounds like you tried to push him way to far too fast. The poor man must be wondering what on earth happened to you! Perhaps if you drop it for a bit and then when things have settled down suggest one small concession. Once hes gotten used to that up the anti a little bit with another small change.

You cant expect him to suddenly throw off all his inhibitions and hang ups (religious objections?) just because you want him to.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Every man should be so lucky. Hopefully, he realizes what he has before it's to late.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Why can't my wife be like you?


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

I truly hope this is a real post and not one of those nigerian scams. Your writing style kind of mirrors it.

What are some cultural differences between Zambian and Mozambican?

Were you always a "naughty girl"? Sounds like you settled for an older man and you are now in your sexual peak. Your husband is slowly declining like the black mamba's game. Is he shy? Is he uncomfortable with doing certain positions besides missionary?

You have to tell him this is VERY important to you and explain to him in such detail that if he cannot fulfill your desires you are willing to walk away from the marriage(If it's that serious).

You're looking for the mandingo smack down, with hair pulling, back breaking, sledge hammer, beat that a** up type of sex right? And your husband is incapabable or unwilling to provide it. You need to take control of the bedroom and initiate the positions that you want to do. He might just need a little prodding. An open and honest talk about why he is conservative and why you are sexually liberal needs to take place because you two are not on the same page.


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

tchibesakunda said:


> Sex in my bedroom is missionar position and behind but laid down. Sex happens in a short space of time. while we doing it i can see and feel that his moves are more to his climax rather than "i want to satisfy her". And the fact that i take long to come unless when i masturbate, i never come while having intercourse with him....We did talk about it , we did argue about it , i even told him YES I AM A B...., I LIKE IT DIRTY AND OUR ROMM EVERYTHING SHOULD BE ALLOWED....but none has really matter to him; instead he starts thinking i mighty cheat on him cause i want too much sex!!!


Thank you tchibesakunda. I hope this thread might help many women in your position. Very few have courage to post how awful they feel.

As a therapist I admit that for years I didnt know how to help my female customers who had this problem. I only was able to advice to more talking etc etc..
Then I engaged a new female worker into my firm. It was the first time I had engaged a worker who actually was devorced twice and I didnt feel right about it (Seems this had given her the wisdom and experience in dealing with nonsexual men). So as months came, this woman pointed out to become a very important aset in curing the anti-****-man.

This is the advice she gave me for your case:
a) When the matter comes up again, stand up and admit you love to be "****ed"! Do not argue about it. Which means you are only going to start pulling consequences when doesnt try to work on "****ing" within the next TWO intercourses.

The consequences are:
b) stop intercourse imediately when he is drifting away
c) remain loving but assertive
d) no discussing sexual issues
e) if he is afraid you ll cheat, tell him that he is actually asking you to do so (You always convincing him of the opposite only lets him find new reasons to blame you for adultery etc..) and ADD that maybe HE should go sleep with another woman. I have to admit that this is a weak-spot men have but women actually fear to state! _When your wife "allows" you to sleep with another woman, you sence that things are breaking down and will wake up and start double checking all the moves that you thought unchangeble_.. Just for the record.

Please note, that it is best not to expect too much at first because of premature ejaculation, which will be normal at the beginning. My coworker mentioned that you should focus on dealing with the matter chronologically
1st week: You get him to **** you and it doesnt matter how fast he comes. Give him positive feedback when he becomes faster. Dont worry when he comes too fast though.

2nd week: try to warm him up for a second round at least twice a week. Not more in order to keep the on him presure low.

3rd week: you know his favorite position? Fine then offer it to him. No you dont? Then asume knowing it or let him take the lead.

4th week: You keep on doing the above in turns. For many it sounds wicked to condition their spouces to do sth for them, but my clients who have accepted to practice healthy conditioning are happy to worry more about where to spend their holidays or about their kids than about sexual issues.
Meaning, when he is making progress, once in a while give him a treat. Make sure that there is one of his favorite treats among at least twice a month. Best is when you do this within 24 hours after the "****ing" ;-).

I believe you can make it.

M


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