# My wife doesnt find me a turn on!!



## si__d__2003 (Jun 28, 2009)

Hello there ppl, im mid 20's same as my wife we have been married a few months and both never had sex before the marriage. We have only tried a few times because its still uncomfortable for her. But when we try now she loses the mood very quick and we stop during foreplay. Im not a bad looking guy and i know were both new to this, i ask her what she likes but still ends bad when we have had intercourse we always stop before orgasm because its too uncomfortable. any suggestions ppl?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

What is her mental attitude to sex?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Has she checked with her gynecologist to see why it still is hurting? 

Also: LOTS of women do not orgasm with intercourse (ever) and many others don't "learn" to orgasm (any method, intercourse OR manual stimulation) for a while when first having sex.

Did you all "mess around" other than intercourse before marriage or was it nothing at all, no manual stimulation, etc?


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## si__d__2003 (Jun 28, 2009)

No we didnt fool about before marriage, and her mental attitude towards sex is not a normal one i think. I think because sex wasnt part of our relationship before marriage, its not been a neccessity. I dont know i just feel inadequate, i just hope it doesnt frustrate her too much and it affects our relationship


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

si__d__2003 said:


> i just hope it doesnt frustrate her too much and it affects our relationship


I don't understand this part of your sentence, please could you expand on it.


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## si__d__2003 (Jun 28, 2009)

All i mean is i dont think not having sex is a problem for her she just worried about me not having any and that I may look else where. I just hope that she doesnt get frustrated and as a conciquence it affects our marriage.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Okay, stop pointing fingers at yourself...Lord...

If you were both virgins when you got married, hats off to you, but it's time to get into the game. There are a lot of flubs and miscues that newlyweds have when they have no experience but none that can't be resolved.

If she is tense or in any manner uptight and if the attempts previously didn't go well it adds to the anxiety...and it makes it more difficult for her.

If she is gynecologically sound then a big part of your problem may just be anxiety...

There is a great DVD series, Better Sex...check it out...and until then, take it slow, don't take it personally, set a mood, have a drink, relax...if it hurts or causes a problem, stop, but try and keep the mood...work your way back into the groove...

Preacher


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

si__d__2003 said:


> I just hope that she doesnt get frustrated and as a conciquence it affects our marriage.


Please explain exactly what she would get frustrated about... then we can talk turkey!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Please explain exactly what she would get frustrated about... then we can talk turkey!


MT by frustrated perhaps he means she doesn't "give up" trying and throw in the towel on him.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Women take longer to grow sexually. So, if you really love her, you're going to have to exercise patience. 

Men tend to experience much more masturbation (and therefore satisfaction and interest) than women. So my first suggestion would be to encourage her self-exploration.

I'd also recommend getting her a vibrator.

Why? The quickest way to an orgasm is through mechincal means. If she cums, she's more likely to be interested. Allow her to use it alone. And then use it together.

You're both still kids. You've probably heard that women are like crock pots. Takes time to warm up. Well, your job is to warm her up all through the day. Turn her on verbally. Turn her on sensually. Love her not as a man needs to be loved, but as a woman needs to be loved. Words. Non-sexual touch. And then erotic touch. Erotic isn't necessarily sexual. Furtive. Arouse by being close but not exactly spot on.

Woo her.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

"The quickest way to an orgasm is through mechincal means."

Not necessarily by a vibrator, in fact a vibrator can be a negative experience for some women.

Hand work is the best way for a woman to learn to orgasm as vibrators are often too intense for many. In addition, use of a vibrator can cause a bit of what I call "dependence" on hyper-stimulation.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

One additional key to a woman's orgasm is the ability of the woman to relax enough while being stimulated, she needs to be able to "let go" if you will; and this means she needs to trust the man enough to let herself relax completely in his presence and not be self conscious.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

The point is to teach her that she can. We're talking about lowering thresholds.

I don't agree with mechanical means for women any more than I agree with porn for men in the long term. But everyone needs to know that the CAN. Once that threshold has been breached, the person can allow themselves to explore how to do it in less intense ways.

If the case here is that she isn't experiencing arousal, achieving arousal is the#1 goal. Being particular about how that occurs is limiting.

If the worry is that she doesn't feel aroused, being able to achieve orgasm is one way to let her see that it is possible. That in itself can lower inhibition and anxiety.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

This below is so true. She will take years to unfold. Enjoy the process and don't ever consider this to be a "problem." as in talking with her. 



You're both still kids. You've probably heard that women are like crock pots. Takes time to warm up. Well, your job is to warm her up all through the day. Turn her on verbally. Turn her on sensually. Love her not as a man needs to be loved, but as a woman needs to be loved. Words. Non-sexual touch. And then erotic touch. Erotic isn't necessarily sexual. Furtive. Arouse by being close but not exactly spot on.

Woo her.[/QUOTE]


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would suggest trying some lubricant and caress her externally gently, slowly until she feels relaxed. If she is nervous (especially if she fears it will be painful) she may not get easily aroused and hence may be too dry & it can be painful. If you are gentle and eventually use your hands to see if she is 'lubricated' before you start, it will help. She needs to feel relaxed.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

My wife and I were also virgins when we got married. So let me give you some advise from experience.

Do NOT get her a vibrator this soon. We were married and having sex for about 7 or 8 years before my wife got her first vibrator. 

It will also take her awhile to come into her own and really have any orgasm at all, let alone frequently have them from sex. 

1. Whoever said it above, is correct. You have to "woo" her throughout the day, keep her thinking about you all day, even thinking about sex all day, then when you actually have sex at night she will already be wet. 

2. If its becoming uncomfortable from her getting sore, then honestly try to finish (you have an orgasm) faster and she will eventually come into her own orgasm wise. If its becoming uncomfortable because it just hurts (your size vs her size) then try lube.


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## makeyourwifehot1 (Jul 6, 2009)

Don't be so stressed out! Women want it just as much as men do, we all have our needs. Every girl dreams about marriage and now that she is, your wife is nervous about pleasing her *husband* not just her man. Since both of you waited until marriage, she has no personal experience with pleasing a man sexually. And because you waited until marriage as well, you don't have the personal experience to guide her and tell her how to please you. Chalk it up to performance anxiety or stage fright. Any way you look at it, she's nervous and it's your duty as her husband to make her feel at ease. 
First, and best, way to solve this problem is to focus the pleasing on her alone. Be concerned about only her needs. There is a lot of built up sexual tension there and it wont take much to relieve it. Once she knows first hand how amazing you can make her feel, she won't be able to get enough of it. But remember, you have to be completely selfless and focus only on satisfying her needs. 
Once you've overcome this hurdle, you can experiment in mutual gratification. A great way to show her how to please you, and vice versa, is literally by showing her how to please you. Have her do the same, once she gets comfortable with an audience. Pleasure yourself and let her watch. Even better if you do this together. 
I can guarantee things will get easier. Once you achieve this level of intimacy, you will only grow closer. 
Good Luck!


Make Your Wife Hot: My Blog

http://makeyourwifehot.com/bragblog/dont-be-a-jerk-jerk-off.htm


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

To make her interested in sex, you'll need to become a good lover.

Of course, it's hard to become a good lover when you're not being allowed to practice and, sadly, in our society the man is expected to be the one with the knowledge and skills. You're the underdog here but you're going to have to accept that.

The first thing I would do is go to the bookstore and buy every single book you can about how to please your woman ("Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" is good, as is "Orgasms: How to Have, Give Them and Keep Them Coming"), also read a few books that help with attitudes toward sex and intimacy ("Mating In Captivity" is an amazing one ... make sure she read this one also). There are also some good videos out there for couples on sex (not porn, more educational though they are also erotic). Watch those yourself and encourage her to join you.

Neither of you has had sex before (and didn't even have physical intimacy prior to marriage) - that makes this shift very difficult. It's often that much more difficult for the woman.

Finally, it's possible that, because your relationship with her was nonsexual up to this point, there really was no testing of the sexual chemistry. As you've become physical, maybe she's realized that, well, she's just not that into you (in that way). For now though, learn to be a good lover (even if it has to be through reading and videos) and see where that takes you.


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