# Daughter has been putting on weight - this morning she was sick !!!!!



## TheCrunch

She's 16 years old. I first noticed some weight gain perhaps six weeks ago roughly. Chest and hips expanded quite a bit and a fleeting thought went through my head (pregnant) but I dismissed it as simply her body changing and becoming more curvacious. 

Today I hear wreatching and went into her bedroom where she was bent over being sick. She's been away for the last few days on a school organised adventure type trip and so it may just be that she ate something she's not used to, hence the sickness so I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume she is pregnant.

Some background. A very quiet girl. Get very embarrassed at any mention of anything of a remotely sexual nature. I've told her about the birds and bees but the conversations are always one sided. She never opens up or asks me any questions whatsoever. I always said I'm here for her if she wants to ask or talk about absolutely anything. After cleaning her up this morning I said the same.

So what do I do now. She's never had a boyfriend. Always straight home from school. (a girl's school). Rarely goes out. A home body - home alone too much if anything. 

I find her to be secretive over things that do not seem to me to warrant being secretive. For example she always watches soaps in isolation. If she's watching a soap and someone else enters the room she'll immediately switch to a children's channel. 

Also never ever talks to me about her periods. Won't alert me to buy new supplied of sanitary towels. Didn't tell me when she first started her periods - I just eventually found some evidence.

I don't want to think she could be pregnant but the signs are there. How do I approach her about this. I don't want to make false accusations. I think if she isn't pregnant and has never had sex she'd be horrified to think i would ask this. 

Is there anyway I can get a urine sample from her without her knowing what I want it for, from which I can do a test from a kit from the drug store. But how to do this. And is this the right approach anyway.

What do I do next. PLEASE help me deal with this the right way. Desperate for suggestions. Thanks


----------



## Maneo

have you asked her, even gently, about the noticed weight gain? when was the last time she had a physical? maybe it is time for one. have you noticed her being sick on more than one morning? it is not unusual for a teenage girl to want privacy but sounds as if the two of you don't have a communicative relationship. are there other signs of pregnancy like needed to go to the bathroom more frequently? mood swings?
gaining some weight and being sick once could be from many causes.


----------



## Mavash.

I've got two daughters. I'd go the direct route but then again that's my way. If I caught my kids flipping the channel when I walked in I'd call them on it and have a discussion. If I noticed they started their periods I'd talk about that too. I've got a quiet, shy kid but I won't let that stop me from being an involved parent.

I don't know how you'd start being direct if you've not had a communicative relationship before now.

On that note I've got nothing. Watch for the baby bump? Take her in for a physical?


----------



## mablenc

No you don't want to do anything without her knowing.

I would take her to the doctor because of her being sick, but you are her parent and need to be able to talk to her. Emphasize that you love her and care. Don't blow up if she opens up, tell her that family always sticks together and overcome any problems as a family.

Monitor her, she may be confused and make adult decisions alone. 

Good luck


----------



## TheCrunch

I haven't said anything about the weight gain, not wanting her to feel self conscious and go on some insane diet, coz she's not grossly overweight, just bigger than she was formerly.

I do wish we better two way communication on nitty gritty issues. Generally we get along just fine but sometimes its like she's a 9 near old rather than a 16 year old. 

I've only seen her being sick the once and when asked she said it hasn't happened before. I haven't noticed any other signs so hopefully I'm just being over anxious. 'Fingers crosses.


----------



## TheCrunch

Mavash. said:


> I've got two daughters. I'd go the direct route but then again that's my way. If I caught my kids flipping the channel when I walked in I'd call them on it and have a discussion. If I noticed they started their periods I'd talk about that too. I've got a quiet, shy kid but I won't let that stop me from being an involved parent.
> 
> I don't know how you'd start being direct if you've not had a communicative relationship before now.
> 
> On that note I've got nothing. Watch for the baby bump? Take her in for a physical?


Many times I've said feel free to watch your soaps. She says OK but still carried on switching when I enter. I've taken it that she doesn't want me commenting on anything that she might find embarrassing. But yes, your approach is probably the right one. I will seriously consider calling her on this sort of thing in the future. Any suggestions on how to improve communications with her on touchy issues would be most welcome.


----------



## mablenc

Have you considered maybe buying her the book "our bodies our selves'? and going through some of it together? maybe hang out with her more one on one.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys

I don't think it would be too out of line to say "Honey, if you threw up, I'm worried you're really sick. I'd like to take you to the doctor."

I know for me, I NEVER am physically ill. If I am, I'm either very drunk or very sick. When I was pregnant I was wildly nauseous and had dry-heaves but never actually threw up.

Very possible that she'll say it's not necessary. Which is where you two can have a frank conversation about her symptoms. I'd always frame it as you're worried she's sick though, not pregnant.


----------



## mablenc

I didn't tell my mom anything because she would shame us and ridicule us, not saying you are doing this. But, maybe when she talks ,sit and listen to her, and encourage her to tell you things.


----------



## TheCrunch

mablenc said:


> No you don't want to do anything without her knowing.
> 
> I would take her to the doctor because of her being sick, but you are her parent and need to be able to talk to her. Emphasize that you love her and care. Don't blow up if she opens up, tell her that family always sticks together and overcome any problems as a family.
> 
> Monitor her, she may be confused and make adult decisions alone.
> 
> Good luck


Thank you. I'll make that apt - don't want to be sneaky coz that's exactly the behaviour I'm anxious about in her.


----------



## TheCrunch

When I've read books on puberty, changing bodies etc with her in the past she would just listen. No questions. If I try and make a joke of anything in the book to lighten the mood she'll just give a half smile. I will coax her to ask questions but she has none. I leave the books with her so she can have a look at them on her own and come back with any comments or questions but none. 

We do spend time together. Maybe too much. I encourage her to go out with school friends but this rarely happens. If I was her I'd be bored out of my mind but she says she fine. I just worry that she is the type that could be easily manipulated by the wrong type of person and she would be too embarrassed to say a word about it. That said, I am a worrier by nature and knowing this I tend to be careful to think before I speak for fear of unnecessarily offending. 

She herself has now suggested making a doctors apt so that's a good sign I think. Trouble is, unless it's an emergency I can't get an apt for about a week! 

As of this afternoon she's somewhat better. Smells were offending her this morning and that seems to have passed.


----------



## mablenc

TheCrunch said:


> When I've read books on puberty, changing bodies etc with her in the past she would just listen. No questions. If I try and make a joke of anything in the book to lighten the mood she'll just give a half smile. I will coax her to ask questions but she has none. I leave the books with her so she can have a look at them on her own and come back with any comments or questions but none.
> 
> We do spend time together. Maybe too much. I encourage her to go out with school friends but this rarely happens. If I was her I'd be bored out of my mind but she says she fine. I just worry that she is the type that could be easily manipulated by the wrong type of person and she would be too embarrassed to say a word about it. That said, I am a worrier by nature and knowing this I tend to be careful to think before I speak for fear of unnecessarily offending.
> 
> She herself has now suggested making a doctors apt so that's a good sign I think. Trouble is, unless it's an emergency I can't get an apt for about a week!
> 
> As of this afternoon she's somewhat better. Smells were offending her this morning and that seems to have passed.


It would not be a bad idea to talk to her doctor if you also feel she is isolating herself too much. That could mean she's depressed.

Make the appointment anyway, you can cancel it if you need to but its good to have her scheduled. You can also ask them to call you if anyone cancels, that may get you in sooner.


----------



## Mavash.

TheCrunch said:


> Generally we get along just fine but sometimes its like she's a 9 near old rather than a 16 year old.


My son is like this and he's on the autistic spectrum. Aspergers.

Have you considered having her evaluated?


----------



## that_girl

Can you ask her if she's pregnant? I mean...I dunno. Maybe that's too blunt for you. I have a 14 year old and she's quiet and not into boys but if I saw this, I'd have a calm conversation but I'd be blunt.


----------



## JustHer

Mavash. said:


> My son is like this and he's on the autistic spectrum. Aspergers.
> 
> Have you considered having her evaluated?


This is exactly what I was thinking.


----------



## badcompany

Hyper sensitive to smells is a bad sign, my wife was this way starting her first few weeks of pregnancy forward. Hated dryer sheets, picked up traces of cig smoke scent from the neighbors, car exhaust-however slight it was.....etc etc.
Have her checked out under the guise of being concerned that she's sick. I bet she's preggo.


----------



## clipclop2

I would really hate for my daughter to have to face a doctor AND me at the same time the news is broken if she were pregnant. 

I would also expect her to be beyond frightened. 

Ask her. Be parental instead of afraid of offending. She can never fault you for loving her and surrounding her with strength and support. Take charge.

Good luck to you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LoveAtDaisys

Any updates? Was your daughter okay?


----------



## TheCrunch

Thanks all for your thoughts.

Yes she is fine thanks and I am proceeding along the lines of a doctor's apt/general check up. She doesn't seem at all worried about anything.

I do tend to be a worrier and so I'm trying to be calm and wait for the apt. But yeah, the smell thing worried me too. 

Will read up on aspergers in the meantime. 

About just asking her if she is pregnant - not sure why *I *find this so daunting ??? Perhaps it's that I worry if she isn't she might perceive it as an accusation and in turn this could put a wedge between us.


----------



## Fallen Leaf

You could say, "I think you could be pregnant...would you take a pregnancy test if I bought one? You just have to pee on a stick and it'll tell you if you are or if you aren't. If you aren't, good. That's one thing off the list of what's making you sick. If you are, no worries. At least we'll know why you're sick and we'll figure things out. And because I've been there, you can ask me any questions you want about it."

...something like that. 

My daughter is so open about this stuff... she's only a pre-teen but there are days when she's just so excited and can't wait for her first period. She's asked me all kinds of questions about boys and girl parts and where babies come from and how they are made. I have not answered the latter...not yet...but I will.


----------



## PBear

Has she thrown up since the time you mentioned?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

