# Name's Nath



## nath23 (Dec 18, 2019)

Alright so...first of all I don't think I'm having marriage issues tbh compared to what I read but it's just a concern.

So this is probably the first time in our relationship ever that she decided to not sleep in the same bed and instead on the couch.

I offered to sleep on the couch but she said the AC ain't working so she prefers it there which IMO is just her passive aggressive tendencies.

So this all stems from me going to work after just smoking a tiny bit of a joint (not enough to be high but for a bit of a relaxation) and she got very angry about it.

Now my issue is I said to her I thought the first hour I was slower than usual but sped up right after along with a positive mindset but I probably wouldn't do it again and just wait til the end of the week.

That's me basically trying to avoid anymore conversation on the subject, correct?

But for my wife it's not enough she needs to smash it over the head as to why you shouldn't do it etc etc etc etc etc and it's like I just told you I won't do it again.

But it seems the thing that ticked her off is the fact she kept going at it and I decided to say "If I decided to do it again or whenever I want, it's up to me not you even if we are a couple at the end of the day".

She didn't like that one bit and took it out of context to be about my life in general?

She started saying nonsense like "Oh fine I won't be part of your life, here we go the change".

Now I don't want to be one of those guys but shes also on her lady day but I am at a loss because I literally admitted that even just having a toke of a joint (not smoking it all, not even a 1/4) before work was something I'd never do again and yet she still got mad enough to not sleep in the same bed?

I mean I do feel bad I did reply with a sneeky remark like "Never tell you to stop taking 8 painkillers in a day for your lady days but me smoking a tiny bit of a joint is horrible? It's not like anyone died from a overdose of weed" I'm english so my humor is kinda a stab in the dark kind of thing.

Now I know this might all stem from multiple things...maybe?

But I can't be in the wrong surely?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

nath23 said:


> Alright so...first of all I don't think I'm having marriage issues tbh compared to what I read but it's just a concern.
> So this is probably the first time in our relationship ever that she decided to not sleep in the same bed and instead on the couch.
> I offered to sleep on the couch but she said the AC ain't working so she prefers it there which IMO is just her passive aggressive tendencies.
> So this all stems from me going to work after just smoking a tiny bit of a joint (not enough to be high but for a bit of a relaxation) and she got very angry about it.
> ...


Well Nath, you mean to tell everyone here that smoking 1/4 of a joint is worth your marriage. Dude grow up man! And yet most companies drug screen and you want to take a chance of losing you means of survival for you and your wife. 

Get your head screwed on correctly and start prioritizing what is most important to you. If it isn't your wife and you don't want to achieve much in your life. Just keep on toking. 

And what does her on her period, got to do with what your explaining? Maybe your too relaxed to rationalize properly. 

Get a grip dude!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nath, 

Is there a history of you using drugs that has been a problem in the past?

What sort of pain pills is your wife taking 8 of in one day?


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

nath23 said:


> Alright so...first of all I don't think I'm having marriage issues tbh compared to what I read but it's just a concern.
> 
> So this is probably the first time in our relationship ever that she decided to not sleep in the same bed and instead on the couch.
> 
> ...


I think you are missing the point. It is less about the joint and more about the expectations she has for her spouse (you). Is this something you two have talked about before? I would be pissed if my husband smoked a joint because of the risk he would be taking with his job, thus potentially putting us financially at risk over something so petty. On top of it all....it was before work. She isn't going to lose her job over ibuprofen for her cycles. 

Sorry man, but this story sounds sloppy and like you disrespected your wife. Id suggest asking what upset her about the joint so you can at least hear her perspective and have an opportunity to explain yourself as well. The talk about divorce was also over the top. I doubt you would TRY to do something to tick your wife off (no husbands do that, haha), but I am thinking your "so what" attitude is driving her up the wall. 

A few nights sleeping apart is good for self-reflection anyways. This isn't a marriage ender but could be the start of a major rift due to poor communication. Try to go in with an open mind or you two will go in circles. Good luck with resolving this argument! 

Take this as an opportunity to set expectations


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## nath23 (Dec 18, 2019)

Ok seems most people are not following what I'm saying.
No I have no drug issues in my past or any type of dependencies in the past.
I am not debating that I will continue to do it before work it was a one off to see how it felt.
My work place does not do random drug screenings.
I've accepted the fact it wasn't the smartest thing to do during the conversation I had with her but she wanted to hammer it into my head so bad it almost felt like my mom was talking to me.
I don't have a issue of someone telling me as an opinion "It's wrong you did it" when I literally prefixed it by saying "I'll never do it again because I couldn't do my job as good as I usually could" I feel it should be cut and dry done.
It shouldn't lead to more issues if I cut the head of the problem at the source.


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## nath23 (Dec 18, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> nath23 said:
> 
> 
> > Alright so...first of all I don't think I'm having marriage issues tbh compared to what I read but it's just a concern.
> ...



I don't need to get a "grip dude" as I said in my starting post this was not a issue of any type she also smokes weed lol.
The only difference was I did it 1 hour before work.
I already admitted it was a bad idea and won't be done again.
The problem from where the whole sleeping in different beds stems from the fact she wants me to change the past as if I'm from back to the future to warn myself not to do it in the first place.
If I've already admitted it was a bad idea I shouldn't have to listen to someone rant at me for 30 minutes about why I shouldn't do it.
It's not something I would associate with "risking my marriage" as stated I feel stable in my marriage compared to most but it just seems random for her to be so upset about such a minor thing.
Also the reason I mentioned her "lady days" is because this is a recurring theme whenever theirs a argument it happens to fall upon those certain days.
That's why I tend to give a pass to any of these arguments.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

So she was worried. Maybe even scared. You seem rebellious because she felt she needed to hammer her point (like a mom). So does she do this all the time? If she had not reacted or mentioned it again, would you not have wondered? How much are you using on the weekends?

NEVER blame a woman's period for her behavior--just saying...

I agree with @Tilted 1.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

nath23 said:


> I don't need to get a "grip dude" as I said in my starting post this was not a issue of any type she also smokes weed lol.
> The only difference was I did it 1 hour before work.
> I already admitted it was a bad idea and won't be done again.
> The problem from where the whole sleeping in different beds stems from the fact she wants me to change the past as if I'm from back to the future to warn myself not to do it in the first place.
> ...


So you both have issues with the weed/drugs and no you didn't mention she does this also. But you sound rather immature, because you got a talking to for a whole 30mins. And so then why are you rattling on on the mean treatment you get from her. And it is beneath any dude who brings up a ladies time of the month. Because it's happens during those certain days. 

Get a grip dude.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

You are being crazy defensive for someone coming to a forum for advice.

1) your wife is pissed about your blatant disregard for your job, family, and finances

2) your wife is pissed about you blowing off her anger. A pre-work joint is not “minor” 

3) your wife is pissed about your low blow comment eluding to ending the relationship.

You earned a 30-minute lashing. Sorry dude. And I suggest not bringing her cycle into the mix of this argument seeing as it’s not even a comparison. This is a very immature fight. 

I get you told her you won’t do it again, but I imagine your attitude was crap. Cut your losses and stop trying to talk about it. This won’t be the last time someone sleeps on the couch! Space is healthier than brawling all night anyways.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Where do you live that you need air conditioning in December? Australia? Just curious.

Well, I think your wife went overboard with the scolding. You're not a child. Even children shouldn't be scolded for 30 minutes. Your wife displayed a lack of respect for you as a husband.

And, I'm not going to give you grief for bringing up her cycle because hormones do cause some women to behave differently during their period. But, you know how she is so it's on you to devise some workarounds when things get sticky (like ducking out the back door or some soothing words). Arguing in this circumstance is futile.

I'm guessing you haven't been married for very long. Buckle up! There are more adventures awaiting you. lol


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

You might have a mother/teenage rebellious son dynamic with you wife.

My question: Did you not think it might have been a bad idea to smoke a joint (no matter how little) before going to work?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

nath23 said:


> I am not debating that I will continue to do it before work it was a one off to see how it felt.
> 
> My work place does not do random drug screenings.
> 
> I've accepted the fact it wasn't the smartest thing to do during the conversation I had with her but she wanted to hammer it into my head so bad it almost felt like my mom was talking to me.


I am 420 friendly (smoke herb regularly) and live in a state where recreational is legal. So, really, I get it. That said..

You're married. Whatever you do greatly affects her because that is the nature of marital relationships. As adults, we know that one single choice, moment, or incident can change our lives forever. Smoking herbs before work is something that, should there be an accident, would greatly reduce or eliminate your ability to receive income, compensation, and assistance. If you were to have an accident with weed still detectable, and tested positive for pot, you could be sued for damages, as well, putting the family finances at risk. You could be asked to drug test if someone smells weed on you. If you don't live in a legal state you're risking legal trouble. What you did was incredibly irresponsible, could have had serious ramifications, and you're grown enough you should have known better. Apparently, she has to hammer it in your head because you lacked either common sense or self control.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

nath23 said:


> Alright so...first of all I don't think I'm having marriage issues tbh compared to what I read but it's just a concern.
> 
> So this is probably the first time in our relationship ever that she decided to not sleep in the same bed and instead on the couch.
> 
> ...


Yeah, surely you can... Let me explain why. 

So you are kind of young, and a head from way back. Ok, lots of people are... 

But here is the deal, lots of people, when they get married, want that stuff to end. They think pot makes you stupid, unmotivated, kind of keeps you in a juvenile mind set, and blah, blah, blah...

Not I am not arguing smoking pot one way or another us bad or good. I have known people that were affected like above in a negative way, and I have known life long pot smokers that are responsible successful people.

However, your wife does not like it. She thinks it is stupid to smoke before work for sure. Now, you may not agree, but both opinions are valid. 

So, you were a typical young guy that tells wife to basically FO about her concerns. SO in that sense you are wrong. 

Could she have explained how she felt in a more helpful, considerate and mature way, you bet. So she is probably wrong in the way that she discussed it with you. 

FWIW, I think smoking or drinking before work is stupid and wrong. Those people are PAYING YOU money for your performance, so you should not degrade that performance. It is kind of like stealing...


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

nath23 said:


> So this all stems from me going to work after just smoking a tiny bit of a joint (not enough to be high but for a bit of a relaxation) and she got very angry about it.


My wife, an otherwise liberal and reasonable person, has the same reaction to pot use.

I therefore do not use it, even though I otherwise would as it is perfectly legal in my state.

Is this the hill you want to die on? Which is not to say that you are wrong, but I repeat the question - is this important enough to make your wife so upset, even if you think she's being unreasonable?

Marriage is nothing else if not a long sequence of compromises.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@nath23. Working while stoned? 

You don't have any problems. Your wife? She has some problems. And you can guess what I think they might be, can't you?


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Cletus said:


> *Marriage is nothing else if not a long sequence of compromises.*


This is hilarious and so true.


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