# The Young and the Sexless- Anxiety



## yellowbelly (Mar 1, 2013)

Hello all, I have been married under a year and for some reason my brain has decided to put up numerous walls and blocks regarding sex. You may call it performance anxiety or whatever you like but I am up poop creak with only my hands to paddle!

My story, dating my wife we didn't have ALOT of sex (Some) but not alot. Mostly pleasuring each other with hands/mouths... She is kind of religious so I didn't push it but being a young healthy 22 year old gal we obviously did the deed some before marriage. After marriage sex was good. I was her first and while I wasn't a virgin, I was not very experienced and had gone many a year since my last sexual adventure before her. She would say little things like "Oh you've gone already" and " I didn't get the big O" Her saying these things were not meant to be hurtful or anything, She was just so young and innocent she didn't know that saying things like how she was not pleasured or how I came to early would apparently effect me. Not that any of this is bad....

Long story short I became focused on giving her the O and I get so worked up on focusing on her I would go flaccid. I also would get performance anxiety worrying about meeting her expectations and now I would worry so much about getting an erector set, that I wouldn't get one at all! So I would pleasure her and she would just daddle with my flaccid tool. This took its toll and obviously if you fail once you worry more the second time and it rolls downhill from there. One time she got upset that I didn't get hard and walked off while I was trying to at least pleasure her, and that was detrimental...

Now I am to the point where I have a mental block about dealing with her Vaginal area. If I let her work on me Ill get hard right away, I would then move on to penetration quickly before losing my hard. Once I get in the pleasure sustains it... But If I touch her Vagina or think about touching it while I am trying to get hard I go into flight or fight mode and am as flaccid as a wet noodle. 

I am young and always performed fine, I just have this mental block now where anything involving the V i lose my steam and go into panic mode for some reason. 

I am 26 and in good health, will this smooth itself out in time or should I go for some Cyalis or something.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

It is possible Cialis would help get your confidence back. 

The closest I have ever come to a divorce was a time I was having trouble and she just looked at it and said "come on get hard". And would do nothing to help. 

She obviously has a lot to learn about male sexuality. I would also be extremely concerned about your future with someone as cold as that. 

You could try communicating with her about your issue, may work, maybe not. If it doesn't I would have a frank discussion with her about compatibility and suggest you move on.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

A favorite trick of sex therapists is to get you to agree not to have penis in vaguna sex for a month. And then you do "senate focus" exercises where you take turns exploring each other's bodies but you aren't allowed to have orgasms for a certain period of time. 
What usually happens is taking the pressure off alleviates the anxiety and it doesn't take long before the couple breaks the rules and starts having O's and intercourse again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Talk to her about how you feel pressured,and when it happens how you feel.Your holding all this stuff inside and share it with her.
If she loves you tell her her support,means everything to you.
Go out and have fun together and relax,I'm sure you will
be back to normal.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

So don't worry about her V when you plan to get intimate. Just go with PiV.

But be sure to pick some times (and as often as she wants btw) to make her the center of attention and give her oral until her eyes roll back like a shark without any expectation of having intercourse after. It won't matter if you haev a limp noodle then. Eventually, you may even find that getting her off will turn you on and then once she's got hers you can get yours.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Go down on her and get her off orally/manually a couple of times before penetration. You can 69 if it helps her keep you hard.

At your age, unless you have medical issues, getting soft is in your head. Enjoy the trip rather than the destination and you will be fine.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have a tongue. You can get her to wake up the neighbors with it. Every lesbian on earth knows a woman doesn't need a penis to have great sex. Once your confidence comes back, you'll get in your groove and last longer. I think you may have bigger issues. One doesn't have to be a porn star to know it's not cool to criticize their lover's performance. Is she just as tactless outside the bedroom?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Try doing the 69 position for a while takes you mind off performance...you both get pleasure and after a week or two then have intercource.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Erin143 (Feb 12, 2013)

69 is always a fun thing, explore with toys and sex games. If you don't have any Health Issues you might be in a rut, try a new position.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

The hardest thing in the world to do is just RELAX.......You have already gotten a great deal of good advice here, so just try to implement it.....I would suggest that you take turns giving one another orgasms....Not on the same day....You do me tonight, and I'll do you tomorrow...That gets rid of peformance anxiety, and allows each of you to just enjoy.....It shouldn't be long before you can both meet in the middle.....


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Have you ever eaten an orange and focused just on the touch, the scent, the taste and the texture? Try it, several times. Focus on Just those sense, not what the orange might be feeling, but what YOU are feeling. That is the hallmark of an excellent lover. Not the tricks, not the size, not the techniques, but the shear joy of all that is before you.

Seem very esoteric and far too poetic. But open you mind and try it. Your penis, though I'm sure it very nice, is not necessary to her pleasure. But your pleasure is what heightens hers when you are in the zone of sensuality.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Have you ever eaten an orange and focused just on the touch, the scent, the taste and the texture? Try it, several times. Focus on Just those sense, not what the orange might be feeling, but what YOU are feeling. That is the hallmark of an excellent lover. Not the tricks, not the size, not the techniques, but the shear joy of all that is before you.
> 
> Seem very esoteric and far too poetic. But open you mind and try it. Your penis, though I'm sure it very nice, is not necessary to her pleasure. But your pleasure is what heightens hers when you are in the zone of sensuality.


I salute a fellow connoissuer of physical pleasures.....I have long considered myself a savant of things sexual, and appreciate a fellow traveller......The techniques of pleasure are born of JOY....


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Have you ever eaten an orange and focused just on the touch, the scent, the taste and the texture? Try it, several times. Focus on Just those sense, not what the orange might be feeling, but what YOU are feeling. That is the hallmark of an excellent lover. Not the tricks, not the size, not the techniques, but the shear joy of all that is before you.
> 
> Seem very esoteric and far too poetic. But open you mind and try it. Your penis, though I'm sure it very nice, is not necessary to her pleasure. But your pleasure is what heightens hers when you are in the zone of sensuality.


Very well said Anon Pink! :iagree:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

At 26 years old, you are in your prime and a walking sex hormone and wanting it all the time.

No cialis is needed, unless you can't get it up at all.

Try giving her oral and with a vib at the same time and see how she likes that. I'm sure it'll blow her mind!!

If you only get hard from her stimulating you, then that's what works for you. Communicate this to her.

If she is a faith based woman, that shouldn't hinder her sex drive. I am a God fearing man but my sex drive is still very high and I could have it every day.

Whenever you're in the mood, initiate. Whenever she is in the mood, she does the same.

Do you have any fantasies? Feet, anal, etc.? Communicate that with her.

I always give my wifee a back rub whiile hugging and kissing her. She loves this.

I also cuddle with her a lot, "I'm CuddleBug" and she loves this the most.

When I give her oral, I sometimes go flaccid as well but by the time she orgasms, I get hard by then and she grabs me, and wants me in her now!!! She is so lubed up, its crazy. So don't even think about your penis, just go for it.

Have sex in the shower, waiting for her, surprise. Reverse cowgirl, doggie with her legs together and yours on the outside, feet, breasts, 69 with you on top, anal, give her oral in the middle of the night while she is asleep......but no penetration and see if she likes.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm reading a book now called "Slow Sex: The art and craft of the Female Orgasm." It's all about Her. It's not about getting the guy off but getting the woman off from manual stimulation. There are about 10 excercizes where you try different things : clitoral mapping (to see where she is most sensitive), up movements, down movements, different pressures, etc. A big component is communication. 

This might be a good book and a good way to take the focus off of you and your performance anxiety. You don't have to worry about going flaccid because you won't be getting any anyway.

Well, it might lead to sex, but it's not the goal of what the author teaches OM - orgasmic mediation.

It also strongly encourages communication.

As far as her telling you , "I didn't orgasm" or "you've gone already," I know it negatively affected you, but it's good that she communicated. You don't want to shoot that down.

I communicated for the first time ever to my husband, after keeping it inside for 30 years, and he said afterwards that it was a real romance killer, which is why, I guess, I never spoke, and he apologized, but see it as an opportunity to learn more about how to please her more.


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