# reaction--thoughts?



## faithaqua (Nov 28, 2011)

In a nutshell---husband left back in October---got his own place, took his daughter, said he couldn't deal with my son (who is emotionally/mentally ill). Husband also recently celebrated 1 year of sobriety after a couple years of drug abuse and whatnot. We slept together in November--ended after a few times, too painful. Didn't speak, then he reached out in December, said he missed me so we started 'dating.' Then things took another turn in late January--he started pulling back, having 'chats' with me i.e. this isn't going any further and I feel like I'm having my cake and eating it too and I'm in recovery, I should know better---I'm sure you all know the drill. Lately, it's been sporadic if ever that I hear from him. Then this morning, I got a message in my spam folder (we used to share an account and I helped him set up his business email account and had to link to an actual account--he now uses his business account as his main email). The message was for a dating site--so I called him and inquired, told him about spam message. He stated that he did no such thing, but then moments after we hung up, I got another email message that the password/account settings were changed on his end. 
These past few weeks have been painful and I have been in denial about so many things so I sent this message to him:
"I’ve actually been doing quite a bit of soul-searching over the past couple weeks---getting “real” with things I guess you could say. 

So, I say this at the risk of the possibility of you never speaking to me again, but it’s time for real talk: everyone knows that I still love you except for you---or maybe you do and that’s why things seem so strained. 

You don’t feel the same way. You left, you got a place, though there may be residual feelings left for me---I don’t know about that part of you, and as I’ve been saying, I’m not looking for anything—I’m simply still connected to you and want to maintain any connection I can, not to mention that it comes with the territory that I also still love your body and having sex with you, which is why I do it. It’s not just the sexual release though I do need that too—my sex drive has gone into overload; I think about it way more than I used to.

Anyway…

Enough with that part of the reality, here’s the tough part of my reality check (and the one I’ve been avoiding), I have looked into divorce lawyers/fees on a couple of occasions and I’m pretty sure we could get it done relatively cheap but we’d have to split the cost—I know neither one of us is in great financial shape at the moment—actually, part of my soul-searching led me to the thought that the fees may be the only reason you haven’t filed yet since you seem to be so far past where I am. Or maybe not.

Of course, if you have any reservations about a divorce then I’m willing to wait. That may sound desperate, but it’s not. I’m a good woman and I believe in the sanctity of marriage and you are my husband and I still believe in you. I miss and think of you daily—I work really hard at not doing any of that (building my defense mechanisms, as you call them) but I do. I know that a divorce would mean you would not be in my life anymore in any way and that is a reality I’m simply not 100% ready to face, just bein’ honest with ya (and with me).

You already know that I’m loyal (perhaps to a fault), but I don’t want to be a fool either and I don’t want to jeopardize my self-respect or your respect toward me for that matter.

Peace."

Anyone please feel free to offer your input as to how he may (or may not) react. He did try to call my house phone while I was out (caller i.d.) but he didn't leave a message or try my cell phone--sorry for long post


----------

