# I feel like he isn't interested in helping me at all anymore...



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I feel like I am just on my own lately. I mean, we are living in our RV, with 3 kids. It isn't easy and I know that he did a lot of work packing stuff into storage, throwing stuff out etc. But I did a lot of work too... I made arrangements for everything from the girls schooling, to the campground sites, to the closing stuff we needed, etc. I took several days off to help pack, and I organized all the kids stuff for taking to the camper etc. 

This morning is a good example of why I feel like he just doesn't give a ****... I had to go to the campground shower with my stuff (to get ready for a job where I have to dress up). I came back to dry and fix my hair and put on my nice clothes. My daughter plugged in the toaster, and it made us blow a fuse. I expressed that we blew a fuse and I was right in the middle of drying my hair. His response was 'you should have done it in the bath house'. UGH... give me a break... it is bad enough I am stuffed into a 23 foot RV with 3 kids, I think I should be able to dry my damn hair in the camper and not lug THAT stuff to the bath house (today it was in the pouring rain) too. So instead of saying here honey, I will fix the fuse, he *****es at me for not taking my hair dryer elsewhere. 

Finally, after he watched me fumble around trying to figure out how to fix it (and doing nothing to help)- I said, can you please help me fix this... I don't know how. And he finally did. It is like he does less and less all the time. I got up this morning, made lunch for my youngest (who will be at the rink while I am at work), got all ready for work, wiped up the wet puddle in our 'tent' which is our closet, and all he did was make himself something to eat and get dressed after sleeping in 45 minutes past me. 

I don't really expect tit for tat on doing stuff for the kids etc, but it just seems like he used to help me, knowing I had a demanding job with long hours and now he just lets me take everything on myself. It hurts my feelings that nobody in the world takes care of ME anymore. He used to at least plan dinner, and now most days I get home and he hasn't even thawed anything.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe he is depressed.

I don't know your situation but maybe he's going into depression.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

After nearly a lifetime of being corrected I simply wait for the next order.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> After nearly a lifetime of being corrected I simply wait for the next order.


Well I don't and never have given orders of any type. He has always been free to make his own decisions, and do what he wants when he wants (of course other than having to care for the children when I am working).


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Hi Lisa:
Have you had a heart to heart with him? Tell him. Don't hold back and be specific.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Maybe he is depressed.
> 
> I don't know your situation but maybe he's going into depression.


:iagree:

What life goals does your husband have? What is he doing to try and accomplish these?

When I read your posts, I get a sense of an apathetic man. You seem to be the primary breadwinner, you seem to be the primary mover and shaker of the household. He seems like another child, or a hanger-on, and does not seem like a strong, competent head of the household. Do you think that this is an accurate assessment? If so, do you think that this type of situation bothers him? What do you think you could do to help change this dynamic?

Best wishes.


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## msjen602 (Aug 17, 2011)

Lisa,

I understand completely where you are coming from. My husband & I are seeking professional help for the same thing. I feel alone, however when I say anything about it, he goes on and on how tired he is standing all day and the most strenuous thing I do is walk away from my desk and back. He is the baby of 11 children and his Mother spoiled him so well that it has followed him to his adulthood and now it's my problem. He's not always been like this, but it is taking a toll on our relationship to the point I despise him. I don't like feeling like this toward him, however I don't like being treated like this either. So my words of wisdom is, search yourself for the answer, whatever you come to will be the right one for you.

Jennifer


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> :iagree:
> 
> What life goals does your husband have? What is he doing to try and accomplish these?
> 
> ...


I do think this is an accurate description, and even when I try to change the dynamic (asking his opinion, telling him to decide on something or take charge of something) nothing changes.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

msjen602 said:


> Lisa,
> 
> I understand completely where you are coming from. My husband & I are seeking professional help for the same thing. I feel alone, however when I say anything about it, he goes on and on how tired he is standing all day and the most strenuous thing I do is walk away from my desk and back. He is the baby of 11 children and his Mother spoiled him so well that it has followed him to his adulthood and now it's my problem. He's not always been like this, but it is taking a toll on our relationship to the point I despise him. I don't like feeling like this toward him, however I don't like being treated like this either. So my words of wisdom is, search yourself for the answer, whatever you come to will be the right one for you.
> 
> Jennifer


Yep, my husband too. He works for our neighbor doing lawn care and other things... it is tiring work I am sure... I also think he chooses to ignore all the things I do at home as I don't moan about it all the time, I just do it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> Yep, my husband too. He works for our neighbor doing lawn care and other things... it is tiring work I am sure... I also think he chooses to ignore all the things I do at home as I don't moan about it all the time, I just do it.


Do you find regardless of the sex of the spouse, that when there is a stay at home spouse there are issues? It's like neither feel that the other respects their role? It really seems to cause a lot of stress and feelings of unappreciation in relationships. I know I'm currently at home (1 year mat leave) and H seems to think everything chore related and child related (and new puppy related) is my responsibility. He works hard so when he comes home, he deserves to rest. He seems to forget my day is 24/7. It causes a lot of resentment in our relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Do you find regardless of the sex of the spouse, that when there is a stay at home spouse there are issues? It's like neither feel that the other respects their role? It really seems to cause a lot of stress and feelings of unappreciation in relationships. I know I'm currently at home (1 year mat leave) and H seems to think everything chore related and child related (and new puppy related) is my responsibility. He works hard so when he comes home, he deserves to rest. He seems to forget my day is 24/7. It causes a lot of resentment in our relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I do respect his role, he is the one who apparently doesn't. I continually have said how much I admire and appreciate what he does.... but he seems not to want to do it and he doesn't appreciate it. Edited to add that he is the one that drops everything when I get home-- and expects me to take over


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> But I do respect his role, he is the one who apparently doesn't. I continually have said how much I admire and appreciate what he does.... but he seems not to want to do it and he doesn't appreciate it. Edited to add that he is the one that drops everything when I get home-- and expects me to take over


I'm sure you do, but since he isn't respecting himself, he projects it on you. You feel since the second you get home he ditches everything and leaves it to you, he doesn't respet how hard you work? It seems like there are feelings of resentment and how the other one has it easier when one works outside home and other doesn't. I've seen that dynamic flip back and forth in our household depending on who's at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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