# Flip flopping?



## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

So for the last few months I was sure I wanted a D. Wife had EA (photos exchanged and might have gone PA had I not found) 2 years ago. She was sorry, acted better for a few months then went back to her pre EA self and so did our marriage (not good). Eventually I got tire of the same old crap. Anyway I told her how I was really feeling the last 2 years and pretty much did the 180 (not knowing what it was then). She got the point, started IC, has been acting like the perfect wife (A little overboard really). I have mostly been gone for work so it's easy for her to do. 

Anyway, she keeps bringing up good things like when we met and other stuff. I read it and start to think about those times (few and far between really). It's not so much I think I love her but more than emotion of knowing what we went through and feeling bad that a D would mean I loose those good memories. I feel sad but not love, havent felt love for a long time. Even before the EA it was barely there. 

Anyway just wondering who else went through this. I dont want to let this stop me from doing what I want and feel right then starting this all over again down the road.


----------



## Walt (Jul 17, 2011)

2yearsince said:


> So for the last few months I was sure I wanted a D. Wife had EA (photos exchanged and might have gone PA had I not found) 2 years ago. She was sorry, acted better for a few months then went back to her pre EA self and so did our marriage (not good). Eventually I got tire of the same old crap. Anyway I told her how I was really feeling the last 2 years and pretty much did the 180 (not knowing what it was then). She got the point, started IC, has been acting like the perfect wife (A little overboard really). I have mostly been gone for work so it's easy for her to do.
> 
> Anyway, she keeps bringing up good things like when we met and other stuff. I read it and start to think about those times (few and far between really). It's not so much I think I love her but more than emotion of knowing what we went through and feeling bad that a D would mean I loose those good memories. I feel sad but not love, havent felt love for a long time. Even before the EA it was barely there.
> 
> Anyway just wondering who else went through this. I dont want to let this stop me from doing what I want and feel right then starting this all over again down the road.


You have to figure out what you want for YOUR future. Do you want to continue the M or not? What would a future look like without your W? Is that appealing or scary?

Is history with someone enough to keep you there? Will you be happy? Are kids involved?

Only you can answer these questions. You either need to get all the way in or all the way out. Sounds like you are just sitting on the fence.

I would suggest some IC. It may help you get clarity.

Best of luck.


----------



## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Whatever you do, don't rugsweep it. Bring it out into the open, expose it, so you both can heal. There should be some boundary setting within your marriage on acceptable and non-acceptable relationships. No contact must be put in place, transparency is a must!

The flip flopping will continue for a few years, unless you both do what is necessary to heal from this. Been there, done that!


----------



## 38m3kids (Sep 29, 2011)

2yearsince said:


> So for the last few months I was sure I wanted a D. Wife had EA (photos exchanged and might have gone PA had I not found) 2 years ago. She was sorry, acted better for a few months then went back to her pre EA self and so did our marriage (not good). Eventually I got tire of the same old crap. Anyway I told her how I was really feeling the last 2 years and pretty much did the 180 (not knowing what it was then). She got the point, started IC, has been acting like the perfect wife (A little overboard really). I have mostly been gone for work so it's easy for her to do.
> 
> Anyway, she keeps bringing up good things like when we met and other stuff. I read it and start to think about those times (few and far between really). It's not so much I think I love her but more than emotion of knowing what we went through and feeling bad that a D would mean I loose those good memories. I feel sad but not love, havent felt love for a long time. Even before the EA it was barely there.
> 
> Anyway just wondering who else went through this. I dont want to let this stop me from doing what I want and feel right then starting this all over again down the road.


Flip flopping is now my middle name.. I go for 3 days wanting to R, then for 7 wanting a D. I feel your pain.


----------

