# Are spiters quitters



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Some say she should be thankful for the gift she is about to receive, while others go as far as to claim that there is a sexual incompatibility if one partner won't fulfill the other's needs and desires. However, in my opinion, it is a big deal if a woman is willing to put the object in her mouth, lick it, and play with it.
It's not a huge concern if she wants to withdraw at the end and refuses to swallow .

Yes, it is sexy to see some women on television kiss their lips and appear as though they just had something really good.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I've never been in any ongoing sexual relationship with any woman who doesn't do fellatio frequently, swallow sperm plentifully, and alternatively (I like variety) hold it in their mouth and let it slowly drool out (especially onto their nipples), or take frequent ejaculation on their face, breasts, hair atop their head and well anywhere else either.

Likewise having been married twice, I have never married and will never marry any woman who doesn't do any of the above very frequently. Of which the above list of things has always been a very frequent experience for me throughout my current marriage, just like in my other previous ongoing sexual relationships.

At the end of the day, I can't imagine ever wanting to settle for less.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Personal said:


> I've never been in any ongoing sexual relationship with any woman who doesn't do fellatio frequently, swallow sperm plentifully, and alternatively (I like variety) hold it in their mouth and let it slowly drool out (especially onto their nipples), or take frequent ejaculation on their face, breasts, hair, atop their head and well anywhere else either.
> 
> Likewise having been married twice, I have never married and will never marry any woman who doesn't do any of the above very frequently. Of which the above list of things has always been a very frequent experience for me throughout my current marriage, just like in my other previous ongoing sexual relationships.
> 
> At the end of the day, I can't imagine ever wanting to settle for less.


Am I correct in assuming that you view this as a deal breaker, meaning that if the woman you are seeing checks all the other boxes but refuses to swallow, your relationship is over?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It took me a second. Did you mean spitters in the title? 

I was thinking spiters as in spiteful persons at first.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> It took me a second. Did you mean spitters in the title?
> 
> I was thinking spiters as in spiteful persons at first.


 Yes, my spell checker informed me that I had spelled it incorrectly when I used two ts.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> Yes, my spell checker informed me that I had spelled it incorrectly when I used two ts.


General use would be two t s. Alas, spell checkers are imperfect.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


frenchpaddy said:



Some say she should be thankful for the gift she is about to receive....

Click to expand...

*"Gift?" LOL.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> "Gift?" LOL.


I believe it is a part of their effort to brainwash women,
same as they try to brainwash women into believing they can lose weight and get in shape by having sex three times per day.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

frenchpaddy said:


> Am I correct in assuming that you view this as a deal breaker, meaning that if the woman you are seeing checks all the other boxes but refuses to swallow, your relationship is over?


 Yes it is a dealbreaker, and yes if she didn't do all of those before mentioned things along with plenty of other things, then the relationship would be over.

That said I know women who don't do such things exist, and apparently can even be found quite plentifully (I've heard stories). Yet it has never been an issue for me, since as far as sexual partners go, I'm yet to encounter anyone who doesn't do such things enthusiastically in the wild.

One thing though, I think if someone is the kind of man who settles for non swallowing, or non facials, or non drooling it onto their tits etc. They should be happy and grateful, with whatever they settle for. Since that is their choice to settle for less, so they should sensibly expect to get what they settle for and nothing more than that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I believe it is a part of their effort to brainwash women,
> same as they try to brainwash women into believing they can lose weight and get in shape by having sex three times per day.


I’ve not heard this. I usually hear “drink water and take the stairs.” 😂


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> Some say she should be thankful for the gift she is about to receive


Really? That's a new one... My wife would probably laugh if I said that, or tell me to lay off the porn.

Swallowing (or finishing anywhere but her hand) is definitely nice to have and maybe I'd be more picky in a new partner, but it's not something I'd divorce over. 

What's better though is a perfectly timed swallowing while deepthroating move so it all slides down the throat (with no gagging) and none ends up in the mouth. Not sure exactly what she's doing and I've only had her do it, but 10/10. Too bad bjs were taken off the menu... 

If I want a speedy divorce, getting cum in her hair is quite possibly the way to do it.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’ve not heard this. I usually hear “drink water and take the stairs.” 😂


 now you know why so many men have beer bellies and man tits


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm a little amazed to hear that not fully swallowing is a dealbreaker, relationship ending thing. What if it goes in your mouth but you don't actually finish swallowing it? End of relationship. Interesting.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Livvie said:


> I'm a little amazed to hear that not fully swallowing is a dealbreaker, relationship ending thing.


It's a compatibility issue. Why would a woman who doesn't want to swallow, be stuck in a sexual relationship with a man who wants her to swallow?

For me it is just another dealbreaker, like being burdened with being in a sexual relationship with someone who likes country music 🤮.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Personal said:


> I've never been in any ongoing sexual relationship with any woman who doesn't do fellatio frequently, swallow sperm plentifully, and alternatively (I like variety) hold it in their mouth and let it slowly drool out (especially onto their nipples), or take frequent ejaculation on their face, breasts, hair, atop their head and well anywhere else either.
> 
> Likewise having been married twice, I have never married and will never marry any woman who doesn't do any of the above very frequently. Of which the above list of things has always been a very frequent experience for me throughout my current marriage, just like in my other previous ongoing sexual relationships.
> 
> At the end of the day, I can't imagine ever wanting to settle for less.


Well u found a unicorn or 2!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> I'm a little amazed to hear that not fully swallowing is a dealbreaker, relationship ending thing. What if it goes in your mouth but you don't actually finish swallowing it? End of relationship. Interesting.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

I'll admit my wife has never been into oral. She has 2 times tried full oral finishes. It didn't go well! It was her decision.
That being said, across my years of experience, I found that primarily "hookers" do this with a "fake" relish of pleasure...obviously paid! Out of all my partners I've never had a single one that dug swallowing semen, most don't even want it in their mouths. Me, I don't care what she does with it. I'm to busy enjoying the pleasure of the gift I'm receiving to be so crude as to demand where it goes.
Statistically speaking, after research, the majority of women do have a preference where a man finishes. By that research it concludes most desire an area between the groin and breast area. A minimal few didn't mind above the neck. If it's that important that a man finishes orally, then he shouldn't object if she kisses him and spits it back in his mouth and shares in his deliteful gift!


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

If I’m getting a BJ and she is into it, I do not care if she spits, swallows or simply doesn’t want cum in her mouth at all.
I’m damn happy to get a BJ.

relationship ending?!

I’d say the woman is better off without a man that thinks he should dump her because she doesn’t swallow.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

TinyTbone said:


> I'll admit my wife has never been into oral. She has 2 times tried full oral finishes. It didn't go well! It was her decision.


When I first started dating my wife, she told me she'd never done oral sex on anyone before and she told me she was quite anxious about the idea of it. In response I told her she didn't need to worry about since she was going to get lots of practice.

I just figured she'd be fine with it and enjoy it, just like everyone else who shared such things with me.

And unsurprisingly she got plenty of it and became really good at it.

Funnily enough a few years ago, following talking about such things from some discussions here on TAM. She revealed that she had a similar conversation with her first sexual partner (the guy she was with just before me).

Yet his response was quite different to mine, he reassured her that there was no pressure, she could do it whenever she felt ready to try etc. So given his response she decided, nope she wasn't going there at all. Since she felt that his patience and accommodation, showed her that it didn't matter much to him whether she did it or not, so she opted for not doing it at all (without telling him that).

Whereas she felt that I simply naturally expected that such things were naturally shared in sexual relationships, so she felt safe to try doing it with me.



> That being said, across my years of experience, I found that primarily "hookers" do this with a "fake" relish of pleasure...obviously paid!


I've never paid for sexual services of any sex workers in my life, so have no experience of what sex workers do or do not do while working.

That said I have been in an ongoing significant sexual relationship with a woman who very briefly did some sex work, when she was living in Japan. Yet when I was with her she wasn't a sex worker at all, being a full time university student with a couple of part time retail jobs.



> Out of all my partners I've never had a single one that dug swallowing semen, most don't even want it in their mouths. Me, I don't care what she does with it. I'm to busy enjoying the pleasure of the gift I'm receiving to be so crude as to demand where it goes.


Most of my partners have been women from Britain, Western Europe and Southern Europe, with some Australian women amongst a few others including a Russian woman. That said I have never been with any North American women ever, so maybe that reluctance is more a North American thing?



> Statistically speaks after research, the majority of women do have a preference where a man finishes. By that research it concludes most desire an area between the groin and breast area. A minimal few didn't mind above the neck. If it's that important that a man finishes orally, then he shouldn't object if she kisses him and spits it back in his mouth and shares in his deliteful gift!


I don't mind if I am kissed by a woman after I have ejaculated in her mouth or even on her face. Likewise I have often kissed women and still do the same with my wife, after I have gone down on them as well. Sex is messy, for some of us it simply isn't a big deal.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I'm a little amazed to hear that not fully swallowing is a dealbreaker, relationship ending thing. What if it goes in your mouth but you don't actually finish swallowing it? End of relationship. Interesting.


No guy wants to see his woman sprinting to the bathroom like she has battery acid in her mouth. Its
not a good look.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I could not be with someone who did not enjoy oral sex. 

It never ceases to amaze of these men who marry women based on their lack of sexual energy and experience and then whine and moan that their sex life is lacking, but that is a whole other topic for another thread. 

Anyway, I could not be in a relationship with someone that did not enjoy oral and things would not go beyond another date if the sexual chemistry and compatibility was not there. 

Now that being said, that does not mean that actually swallowing is required. As long as someone finishes the job, what they do with it is their perogative and their preference. 

But someone who does not like it is a no bueno.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sure there are times to quit so you can start over. Staying is a sunk cost fallacy.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

I don’t get all the desire and hangup on swallowing, and really don’t care if she does. My wife doesn’t swallow often, and what she most often does with a mouthful is by far hotter than swallowing anyway!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Lurkster said:


> I don’t get all the desire and hangup on swallowing, and really don’t care if she does. My wife doesn’t swallow often, and what she most often does with a mouthful is by far hotter than swallowing anyway!


Spits it back into your mouth?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> No guy wants to see his woman sprinting to the bathroom like she has battery acid in her mouth. Its
> not a good look.


Honestly - that isn’t going to bother me.

not after what my exwife would be like in the bedroom.
Again, the bar is set super low here. 😂

She almost never wanted it inside of her. So it ended up being on her most of the time.

before I was even done finishing, she would start yelling “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!!”

I would make sure I had a towel ready to go at a moments notice as I didn’t care to hear the disgust in her voice or see her disdain.

as for running to the bathroom, that is exactly what she would do if I did finish inside of her.


so yeah. If I end up with a woman that doesn’t truly despise what happens when a man orgasms, I’d say that would be pretty sweet.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Not swallowing doesn't have to mean running for the bathroom. You can always spit stuff into a kleenex or let things run out of your mouth.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Not swallowing doesn't have to mean running for the bathroom. You can always spit stuff into a kleenex or let things run out of your mouth.


The letting it out of the mouth can make for a great visual, the Kleenex thing not so much.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I think that being with someone who doesn't have all kinds of "rules" about sex would be a huge relief and turn on!!! I want to be able to relax and just enjoy sex and everything that comes with it.

I won't be with a man who acts like any of MY fluids are gross to have on him, so why would I be grossed out by his?? Besides, I WANT him to have tons of "fluids" all over the place, that means I'm a super-hot sex-kitten...Lol!!! Isn't that the highest compliment a man can give a woman??


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Honestly - that isn’t going to bother me.
> 
> not after what my exwife would be like in the bedroom.
> Again, the bar is set super low here. 😂
> ...


Could be worse... one time my wife got up and ran to the bathroom, to puke in the sink. The next time she puked all over me during the act. And the was the last time she had bodily fluids in her mouth.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> No guy wants to see his woman sprinting to the bathroom like she has battery acid in her mouth. Its
> not a good look.


It’s not delicious. It’s actually gross. Try it and tell me what you think.

I enjoy all of it but the end. For any guy saying it’s part of him love it, try oral during heavy flow. Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that amazing?
I love playing with it, but nope.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> No guy wants to see his woman sprinting to the bathroom like she has battery acid in her mouth. Its
> not a good look.


It tastes like ****.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

bobert said:


> Could be worse... one time my wife got up and ran to the bathroom, to puke in the sink. The next time she puked all over me during the act. And the was the last time she had bodily fluids in her mouth.


Did you and @LATERILUS79 test drive these cars?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

snowbum said:


> It tastes like ****.


I’ve had it spit back in my mouth to swallow. And I’m still alive to tell the tale. It doesn’t have much of a taste, more a smell.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Spits it back into your mouth?


She does like kiss me with a mouthful now and then, but more often, she drools it on herself, or on me somewhere. Somewhere ‘strategic!’  Spitting, is not involved. 
If she’s not afraid of it, I shouldn’t be either!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Personal said:


> The letting it out of the mouth can make for a great visual, the Kleenex thing not so much.


Oh well. I've never had any complaints. Sometimes it's just not gonna get swallowed once in the mouth. I have a strong gag reflex and can't swallow pills even. If a guy wants to opt out of regular and frequent oral to completion from me because I can't always manage to swallow it then he can go find someone who has all of the other qualities I have, but with more swallowing capabilities. And good riddance and good luck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> I believe it is a part of their effort to brainwash women,
> same as they try to brainwash women into believing they can lose weight and get in shape by having sex three times per day.


Yes, but fortunately somewhere north of the woman's mouth, women actually have a brain and they can decide things for themselves.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I don’t mind it, but don’t love it. I have swallowed, but sometimes I don’t. Not swallowing has never ruined my husband’s experience, so he says.

But, the title reads “spiters” not “spitters.” I’ve never been _spiteful_ about it. 😌🙃


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## Hurthusband77 (May 9, 2021)

I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker but I’ve always found the thought of my wife jerking me off into a towel or spitting out would be a bit of a boner killer, same if I were to spit out her “cum” after giving oral to my wife. My wife tells me she loves giving me oral and swallows without hesitation. I do love this and am just as enthusiastic when giving her oral.

But, I wouldn’t leave her if she told me she didn’t like it, I’d stop asking her for it but it would be something that I would miss, but life is full of things that come and go.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> It tastes like ****.


I'm assuming the asterix spell "snot."


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> Oh well. I've never had any complaints. Sometimes it's just not gonna get swallowed once in the mouth. I have a strong gag reflex and can't swallow pills even. If a guy wants to opt out of regular and frequent oral to completion from me because I can't always manage to swallow it then he can go find someone who has all of the other qualities I have, but with more swallowing capabilities. And good riddance and good luck.


This is why I say that all I ask is that someone complete the job but can do with it whatever they like after I am done. 

I love giving oral and I would never just stop and leave someone hanging right before they go over the edge. 

The way I see it, I want someone to do what they like and what works for them. What they do with it after I have gotten rid of it is their preference and pergative. 

Trying to make someone do something that they don't like or want will just sour the experience and make it less likely to happen again in the future.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Did I miss that it's a TAM holiday? Is it Sticky Saturday or something?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Speaking of tasting like ****, the last woman I was (is) with has not problems with giving a rim job during the bj, but she’s a spitter. She’s a squirter also and I don’t so running to the bathroom after. Usually, it’s multiple times. So the moral of the story is, some women would rather lick ass than swallow a load 🤷‍♂️


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> Did you and @LATERILUS79 test drive these cars?


Bait and switch, my friend. Bait and switch.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Did you and @LATERILUS79 test drive these cars?


To be fair, she was pregnant and had some pretty bad aversions to anything in her mouth. She couldn't even brush her teeth without barfing. She didn't do that prior, but also hasn't tried again since. Though, she almost did the other day during an unusually enthusiastic first time in god knows how long bj. So I'm cautiously hopeful, though I'm sure that will soon fade.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Again, the bar is set super low here. 😂


You spent your time in H3ll, here is hoping you get some heaven for a change. You have it coming. Don’t “settle” for anything less.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I have to tell a story that had Youngshirt rolling my eyes and shaking my head in wonderment. 

Many moons ago a sexpot in one of my college classes approached me about being FWBs (we called it 'Casual' back then) We were hanging out doing a lot of flirting and doing the dance, and she was downright bragging and gloating about her oral skills and how into BJs she was and how great she was, so I was thinking it was my lucky day and the sex gods had shined their grace upon me. 

So the first time we get into bed and things are heating up and the mojo is flowing and she started to work her way south until she was down there and getting into position. 

I am thinking, this is it, this is my big day and a real live BJ Queen is going to send me to Heaven. All of my good deeds and all of my faith and hard work have culminated into this day of days and millions of dudes the whole world over will be wishing they were me in that moment. 

So she got down, had my rock hard junk in her hand and was about to make the fateful decent onto it,,,, and she stops. 

She stops and looks up at me with serious look on her face and tone in her voice and tells me not to cum. 

At first I'm thinking it's some kind of tease or banter but she was completely serious. 

She went on to tell me that it will be the best head I have ever gotten and that I won't be able to control myself and probably won't last long but that she doesn't like ejaculate in her mouth and repeated that I was not to cum. 

What else was I to say other than to mutter out a surprised and awkward 'O K.' 

And with that she went down. She started to work her magic........... well her magic was she had my penis in her mouth. Other than that it was.....well,,,, my penis in her mouth. 

It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, but it definitely not anything special or life altering or even anything different than what my 17 year old virginal GF did for the first time back when I was 17,,, perhaps even less technique and pleasure. 

But then it got stranger yet. Any time I did have any kind of moan or would twitch my hips or even move anywhere on my body, she would completely stop and look up and ask me if I was cumming. I would try to hide my surprise and utter out a sheepish 'no', to which she would reiterate her admonition not to orgasm and she would resume the mediocre at best BJ. 
Then if I were to move or make any kind of sound or utter a word, she would completely stop and again ask if I was about to orgasm and then repeat the instructions of no orgasms. 

After a couple rinse and repeats I pulled her up off of me and suggested moving on to something else. 

Then the real funny part was from there on afterwards, she would always ask me how great her BJ was and would continue to brag up her oral prowess. 

Now to her credit, she was a wildcat when it came to scrogg'n and overall enthusiasm and availability. But her oral skills that she bragged about constantly was maybe a D+. 

She remained in the FWB zone for awhile but was never eligible for GF or LTR status.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> You spent your time in H3ll, here is hoping you get some heaven for a change. You have it coming. Don’t “settle” for anything less.


Yeah, okay. Not.

A partner who gives regular oral but must ALWAYS swallow is more than not settling. Along with all of the other qualities that may be hard to find in someone this seems a silly one to exclude someone over. Imagine..... she's perfect for you in every way, gives you enthusiastic oral on a regular basis, but just can't manage to always swallow once it's in her mouth. Yeah, dump her over it, don't SETTLE 🤣


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Yeah, okay. Not.
> 
> A partner who gives regular oral but must ALWAYS swallow is more than not settling. Along with all of the other qualities that may be hard to find in someone this seems a silly one to exclude someone over. Imagine..... she's perfect for you in every way, gives you enthusiastic oral on a regular basis, but just can't manage to always swallow once it's in her mouth. Yeah, dump her over it, don't SETTLE 🤣


He was replying to me.

anything I mentioned about receiving enthusiastic oral would be all hypothetical and I do not care if any future woman swallows, spits or simply doesn’t want it in her mouth.

there was NOTHING enthusiastic about the blowjobs I got from my exwife after the first two years we dated. Anything she did after that just caused me anxiety. A blowjob from my exwife was NOT relaxing. She would only do it for 30-45 seconds. Tops. Nothing past that.

ever hit the snooze alarm on your alarm clock and then start to get a little anxious because you know that the extra few minutes on the snooze won’t mean anything? You are just better off getting up?

it felt like that. I could count the seconds in my head. I knew within 30 to 45 seconds the “alarm” would go off. She would stop and then say, “I’m getting tired. You should finish yourself”.

oh honey! You are sooooooo sweet to me! 😂


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, but fortunately somewhere north of the woman's mouth, women actually have a brain and they can decide things for themselves.


part of what happens when people think porn is sex ed


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> part of what happens when people think porn is sex ed


Which seems to be the new normal. Very sad days for women.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Very sad days for women.


no just for women the fools that think anything in porn is like real life will be disappointed


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Yeah, okay. Not.
> 
> A partner who gives regular oral but must ALWAYS swallow is more than not settling. Along with all of the other qualities that may be hard to find in someone this seems a silly one to exclude someone over. Imagine..... she's perfect for you in every way, gives you enthusiastic oral on a regular basis, but just can't manage to always swallow once it's in her mouth. Yeah, dump her over it, don't SETTLE 🤣


I was addressing his situation. And him. His XW treated him like crap if you have read his story. Nothing to do with swallowing. So apologies for TJj, I was empathizing his situation


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Speaking of bait and switch. Didn’t take much time for this thread to switch to porn and how women are oppressed by it. LOL! Typical


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Not swallowing doesn't have to mean running for the bathroom. You can always spit stuff into a kleenex or let things run out of your mouth.


My wife just doesn't like the taste of texture. Fine by me. She'll finish it else where no problem.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Could be worse... one time my wife got up and ran to the bathroom, to puke in the sink. The next time she puked all over me during the act. And the was the last time she had bodily fluids in her mouth.


Oh I know that personally!!!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> It’s not delicious. It’s actually gross. Try it and tell me what you think.
> 
> I enjoy all of it but the end. For any guy saying it’s part of him love it, try oral during heavy flow. Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that amazing?
> I love playing with it, but nope.


I agree, it's not super pleasant. I have tried mine alone and with my wife before. It's definitely a texture issue for sure, not much flavor. Mayo is stronger in flavor.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I don't like the taste and texture. It's slimy, warm, and salty. It reminds me of raw oysters. I don't like it in my mouth. I don't have a problem giving BJ's but I won't swallow. 🙅🏻‍♀️


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't like the taste and texture. It's slimy, warm, and salty. It reminds me of raw oysters. I don't like it in my mouth. I don't have a problem giving BJ's but I won't swallow. 🙅🏻‍♀️


I’ve tried. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. I try to be subtle and not like run away or be rude. I assume spitting it out is preferable to gagging and hurling.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmm. Mrs. C is simply a little gal so oral is difficult for her anyway.

I'm appreciative of the effort she puts in with oral but it is always foreplay and not the main event.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> So the moral of the story is, some women would rather lick ass than swallow a load 🤷‍♂️


I’ve been with a few women who do both, including my ex-wife and wife. So the other moral of the story is, some women would rather lick ass and swallow a load as well.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

bobert said:


> Could be worse... one time my wife got up and ran to the bathroom, to puke in the sink. The next time she puked all over me during the act. And the was the last time she had bodily fluids in her mouth.


I did that to my ex husband once. 

He's always known that I can't stand (literally) the taste, texture, and temperature of semen in my mouth. Nothing specific to his. It's universal. He failed to give me the tap-out signal in time and I ended up puking it back on him (along with some of my dinner). I felt bad for him. He felt bad for me. The whole thing was one giant cluster @#$&. 

Awww ....... Good times 😁😂.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't like the taste and texture. It's slimy, warm, and salty. It reminds me of raw oysters.


My wife doesn’t mind the texture at all, while she finds the taste variable, so sometimes she finds it icky and other times she thinks it tastes okay.

That said she will happily eat raw oysters and plenty of other things that horrify me.

Plus she will happily and very frequently take my penis in her mouth, after it’s been in her vagina or anus as well (I like that about her). She tells me, that she finds the idea of doing it, when she’s not aroused to be icky. Yet when she is aroused, she can’t help enjoying it in the moment, so she just goes with it, saying sex is weird but fun.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Just my personal experience but most men are happy to be getting BJs and could care less if the woman swallows, spits, or finishes somewhere else.

I will say that the worse thing a man can do is whine to their partner to finish in her mouth. If that's a need, then express it as a requirement of the relationship and let the chips fall where they may. Don't continue to ask or whine if she says no.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Speaking of bait and switch. Didn’t take much time for this thread to switch to porn and how women are oppressed by it. LOL! Typical


For me seeing things in porn, was revealing, for showing me that other people also did what my ex-wife and I naturally shared in my first experience, before seeing it in porn.

Which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, since pornography is not responsible for inventing sex or determining how people share it, with it simply being a reflection of what some people share sexually.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Lila said:


> Just my personal experience but most men are happy to be getting BJs and could care less if the woman swallows, spits, or finishes somewhere else.
> 
> I will say that the worse thing a man can do is whine to their partner to finish in her mouth. If that's a need, then express it as a requirement of the relationship and let the chips fall where they may. Don't continue to ask or whine if she says no.


There’s a huge difference between getting caught up in the moment and choosing to do something, whether spontaneously or by request, and being bullied into it. That goes for just about everything in life. Most marriage problems would stop if people would treat their spouse the way they want to be treated.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I’ve tried. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. I try to be subtle and not like run away or be rude. I assume spitting it out is preferable to gagging and hurling.


You can't assume anything these days. Hey, if your partner is that into fluids, then hurling might be the cherry on top.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You can't assume anything these days. Hey, if your partner is that into fluids, then hurling might be the cherry on top.


Sticky Saturday just took a turn… 😳😳😳

🤭😂😂😂😂😂😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lila said:


> I did that to my ex husband once.
> 
> He's always known that I can't stand (literally) the taste, texture, and temperature of semen in my mouth. Nothing specific to his. It's universal. He failed to give me the tap-out signal in time and I ended up puking it back on him (along with some of my dinner). I felt bad for him. He felt bad for me. The whole thing was one giant cluster @#$&.
> 
> Awww ....... Good times 😁😂.


You snooze, you lose.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I guess that I can say that this is one problem that I have never faced.
I'm a 60 year old male, have had oral performed on me hundreds of times by about 7 different females, and have only cum once from it.
The only time that happened was from my almost ex wife (broken engagement.)
She took it on as a personal challenge. She was bound and determined that I was going to cum from a BJ.
She had at it. Took her over 45 minutes working non-stop.
She swallowed. No complaints.
Guess she figured that if she had to work that hard for it, she was going to enjoy it.
That's why oral has always been foreplay for me, and not the main event.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lila said:


> Just my personal experience but most men are happy to be getting BJs and could care less if the woman swallows, spits, or finishes somewhere else.
> 
> I will say that the worse thing a man can do is whine to their partner to finish in her mouth. If that's a need, then express it as a requirement of the relationship and let the chips fall where they may. Don't continue to ask or whine if she says no.


I would love to have a woman take me in her mouth and swallow but I do understand the aversion. I really appreciate the oral I do get and can't say I would be happy with swallowing myself.😉


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I would love to have a woman take me in her mouth and swallow but I do understand the aversion. I really appreciate the oral I do get and can't say I would be happy with swallowing myself.😉


You have such a great attitude. Sometimes I wish I could roll back time and focused on all of the good things in my marriage to my ex and not the bad. Alas, lesson learned the hard way. 

Gratitude is a life changer.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> Some say she should be thankful for the gift she is about to receive, while others go as far as to claim that there is a sexual incompatibility if one partner won't fulfill the other's needs and desires. However, in my opinion, it is a big deal if a woman is willing to put the object in her mouth, lick it, and play with it.
> It's not a huge concern if she wants to withdraw at the end and refuses to swallow .
> 
> Yes, it is sexy to see some women on television kiss their lips and appear as though they just had something really good.


A digression first.

BJ's were important to me in my youth. The woman I ended up marrying, would not give me a BJ. We talked about it a lot prior to the engagement. She told me it was too intimate prior to marriage. After marriage, she assured me that her love for me would grow and nothing would be too intimate. We discussed exactly what "nothing meant." She said after marriage nothing was off the table. I really believed her with all my heart..

I am sure you can guess the rest, we got married. I reminded her of her promise. She told me it was sick, disgusting and perverted. I reminded her that she said it was so intimate, she had to wait until marriage. She told me something that disgusting was not intimate at all. 

We disgusted a variety of things, oral sex flavored condoms, no condoms but flavored Lube/butter to hide the taste, Still not even willing to try.

Several decades later, when we were trying to reconcile a sex starved marriage, the Sex Therapist suggested oral sex. Boy did my wife toss out all kinds of reasons she would not ever do that.

Now that you know my story, I have two comments.

(1) I would settle for a flavored condom B.J. any day of the week. At least that would be close. Swallowing would be nice, but optional.

(2) If I ever were to date another woman, B.J's in some form would be mandatory. Refusal would be a deal killer to the relationship no matter how nice or hot she seamed. I have been down that road once and don't want to repeat it.

P.S. That last time we did marriage counseling, and discussed BJ's, I told that marriage counselor that after all these years, I had given up on her ever giving me a BJ. I told the MC that I think my wife honestly believed her feelings about it would change after marriage and so I didn't feel it was a bait and switch. My wife said to the marriage counselor that it still might happen, so I shouldn't give up. (I bit my tongue and tried not to laugh.)

Even though I would love to have my wife give me a BJ, there are other things we do sexually that make me very happy. In the long run, it comes down to if you look at life and your marriage as a glass being half full or half empty.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Clearly, the majority of women on TAM don’t swallow. I also don’t think anyone is surprised by these findings. Par for the course.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Well I swallow but I don’t go to completion often. I have a small mouth, my hubby can take like 20 minutes and I prefer penis in vagina. Why would I waste a perfectly hard penis on a BJ? Blow jobs are part of foreplay.

But when the occasion happens I swallow and don’t mind. When we first got together I spit. 

I really don’t mind the flavor or texture but I can’t say it’s one treat that I just can’t wait to get 😂


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker if she's a spitter, but she'd damn well better be good at everything else I like (just as I'd want to be good at all the things she likes). I've only dated one woman who was so good at everything else that it didn't matter.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> Just my personal experience but most men are happy to be getting BJs and could care less if the woman swallows, spits, or finishes somewhere else.


I’ve no doubt you are right that most men are happy with that.



> I will say that the worse thing a man can do is whine to their partner to finish in her mouth. If that's a need, then express it as a requirement of the relationship and let the chips fall where they may. Don't continue to ask or whine if she says no.


I agree with you, having never whined for anything sexual, since that is not the pathway to sexual nirvana.

That said it’s never been something I have ever had a need to express as a want or requirement in a sexual relationship. Since doing both swallowing and drooling it out of their mouth and taking facials, has simply been something that women I’ve been with do.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Mine is usually gloopy.

Mrs took it like a champ before and was like um… this nasty son!

Anyway… who cares? Sure it’s great if the esteemed lady takes the entire load but I’d rather have my favorite techniques during. She has hurt my balls before due to enthusiasm and I appreciate that.

I used to like when I was in my 20s and we were at it like rabbits in general she smelled like sex all the time but at 50 maybe not so much and I can appreciate the hygienic aspects.

I think as a gentleman it’s important to blow it wherever the lady asks for it.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think as a gentleman it’s important to blow it wherever the lady asks for it.


I almost spit out my cocktail. 😂


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Personal said:


> It's a compatibility issue. Why would a woman who doesn't want to swallow, be stuck in a sexual relationship with a man who wants her to swallow?


I love blowing my husband, I'm always up for it anytime anywhere. He would love to finish in my mouth but that will never happen. I'll suck him morning, noon and night. But I won't allow that.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I love blowing my husband, I'm always up for it anytime anywhere. He would love to finish in my mouth but that will never happen. I'll suck him morning, noon and night. But I won't allow that.


Then your husband is evidently settling for less than what he would love to have.

Of which I don't think that's a bad thing, since if he chooses to settle for less than what he wants, he is getting exactly what he settled for.

That said I'm sure he loves all that he hasn't settled for, so it sounds like a win for both of you.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Yes it is a dealbreaker, and yes if she didn't do all of those before mentioned things along with plenty of other things, then the relationship would be over.
> 
> That said I know women who don't do such things exist, and apparently can even be found quite plentifully (I've heard stories). Yet it has never been an issue for me, since as far as sexual partners go, I'm yet to encounter anyone who doesn't do such things enthusiastically in the wild.
> 
> One thing though, I think if someone is the kind of man who settles for non swallowing, or non facials, or non drooling it onto their tits etc. They should be happy and grateful, with whatever they settle for. Since that is their choice to settle for less, so they should sensibly expect to get what they settle for and nothing more than that.


Serious porn demage.
Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.

It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
And this is done deliberately.

Mosz men developed fetish for a*** sex or ejacultaing into women faces and think it is normal and something women fancy. But it is not!

Pornography is made to humiliate and degrade women. 
If you tell all women you met were into swallowong like you saw in porn, then you are simply lying! Even most prostituted won't do that.

Might be that more women immitate what they saw in pornography nowadays, but that might be only for the younger generation.

But no, it isn't a think women like and it isn't part of normal sexuality to do this stuff.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

frusdil said:


> I love blowing my husband, I'm always up for it anytime anywhere. He would love to finish in my mouth but that will never happen. I'll suck him morning, noon and night. But I won't allow that.


Wow. Won’t “allow”. Wow


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

elliblue said:


> Serious porn demage.
> Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.
> 
> It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
> ...


Most of what you see in porn and what some men claim women should like is about humiliating women.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

elliblue said:


> Serious porn demage.
> Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.
> 
> It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
> ...


No one but you is talking about porn on this thread. Although, I see it’s a “go to” excuse for a lot of women.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

@LATERILUS79 are you reading? Welcome to 2022. If you want something special, you’re a porn addict. You have minimal expectations, so you should be fine. Just avoid the land mines. Please be sure not to “humiliate” your future girlfriend. 🤣🤣


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

elliblue said:


> Serious porn demage.
> Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.


Nice comic relief.

I started ejaculating on my then girlfriend who became my first wife, by accident in the first instance when I pulled out, not wanting to get her pregnant. 'Cause back then my ejaculate would often go a long way, and it went all over her face in one instance. Of which we both thought it was funny and sexually exciting as well. So she was up for it happening again and I was as well. Since I liked the visual of her dripping with my mess on her face, so we did it more and more as a seperate thing.

Likewise with swallowing, my ex-wife just started swallowing it, when it came out while she was doing fellatio on me. Sometimes she'd drool to put and lots of other times she would just swallow it saying it got rid of the taste quicker when swallowing it.

At the time during the late 1980s, I'd barely seen much porn and at the time it wasn't something I'd seen in porn either.

That said if you are ever inclined to actually look up the history of sex, inclusive of looking at old prose, court reports, church documents and the like on such things including looking at old sexually explicit art. You would find out that contrary to your evident ignorance on the topic, that such things haven't been invented by the pornography industry and predate the pornography industry by thousands of years.



> It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
> And this is done deliberately.


Some women don’t like it, some don’t mind it and some do like it. It’s that simple, you do what works for you as others do whatever works for them. Of which one thing for sure your preferences aren’t the only way.



> Mosz men developed fetish for a*** sex or ejacultaing into women faces and think it is normal and something women fancy. But it is not!


My wife claims that receiving cum facials can often be exciting for her in the moment, and can also be funny, while not forgetting that she also says it can also be quite icky afterwards as well. Of which she frequently poses with a smile for some photos to capture her afterwards all messy and dripping.

At the end of the day if my wife didn't like it and didn't want to do it, she wouldn't do it. Since she is an autonomous individual, who isn't my property, who does whatever she wants.

As for anal sex, my wife really enjoys that a lot, and I enjoy her doing anal play on me as well.

To quote Jarvis Cocker in a Pulp song.

"Try it, you might like it, but you might smudge your lipstick."



> Pornography is made to humiliate and degrade women.
> If you tell all women you met were into swallowong like you saw in porn, then you are simply lying! Even most prostituted won't do that.


Some pornography is made to do that, while some other pornography isn't.

I've never told all women I have met, that women I have been with have been into swallowing ejaculate, since that makes no sense at all. That said I can't help it that the women I have been in ongoing sexual relationships with, have simply always done such things. Move in the right crowds, share similar interests I guess.



> Might be that more women immitate what they saw in pornography nowadays, but that might be only for the younger generation.


I'm 51 and my wife is 52, we're not that young. At least in my experience it's been a thing throughout the time I've been sharing sex with women. And one thing for sure archival evidence shows this has been a thing for thousands of years.



> But no, it isn't a think women like and it isn't part of normal sexuality to do this stuff.


Oral sex is as old as the hills as is swallowing sperm and spitting it out. It's something humans have done throughout history. Not forgetting that humans aren't the only hominids who practice fellatio (including swallowing). So again you are evidently mistaken in your assertions on this.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Most of what you see in porn and what some men claim women should like is about humiliating women.


Lording over women sexually gives those type guys a better boner. It's really not much different than the people with low self-esteem who try to make other people feel small to make themselves feel big for a moment.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Lording over women sexually gives those type guys a better boner. It's really not much different than the people with low self-esteem who try to make other people feel small to make themselves feel big for a moment.


Yep. No one wants absolute and unaccountable control over another person for altruistic reasons.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

elliblue said:


> Serious porn demage.
> Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.
> 
> It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
> ...


     

You always sound like a ton of fun!

Let me guess - you are always the life of the party?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> @LATERILUS79 are you reading? Welcome to 2022. If you want something special, you’re a porn addict. You have minimal expectations, so you should be fine. Just avoid the land mines. Please be sure not to “humiliate” your future girlfriend. 🤣🤣


Been there, done that. I won't EVER speak to another feminist in real life again. All they do is suck all fun out of the room and ruin everything. 

I'm not letting the few loud mouths here speak for the women of TAM even though they desperately want to. 

I would ask you and any other man to pay close attention. The vast majority of women on TAM are cool gals. Definitely people I would enjoy meeting in real life. Most of the women here have said on multiple occasions that they enjoy sex and don't automatically think that some man is looking to humiliate them in some sort of porn way. It is only the bitter Debbie downers that say that.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Been there, done that. I won't EVER speak to another feminist in real life again. All they do is suck all fun out of the room and ruin everything.


My wife is a Feminist and former Feminist activist and organiser. And I think she is great fun to be with generally. Plus when it comes to sex, she is a splendid partner as well, being up for sharing so much, very enthusiastically with tremendous frequency.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Most of what you see in porn and what some men claim women should like is about humiliating women.


Conversely, I have been with more than a handful of women who WANTED to be humiliated during the act...like 'beyond what I was really comfortable with doing' humiliation...

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

elliblue said:


> Might be that more women immitate what they saw in pornography nowadays, but that might be only for the younger generation.


You make a convincing argument on why men would prefer dating younger women.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Wow. Won’t “allow”. Wow


Damn straight, I won’t allow anyone, not even my husband, to violate a boundary I have about MY body.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

elliblue said:


> Serious porn demage.
> Swollowing and all this b**sh** you guys are talking to is an invention of the porn industry.
> 
> It is nothing a woman enjoys naturally. And if you don't believe it, then read studies about how pornography changed the sexuality of people.
> ...


Not disagreeing with all, and yes porn certainly put some new ideas out there. 

That said swallowing isn't a new thing only since porn industry. 45 years ago personally some gfs swallowed, some didn't. Some gfs purposefully on their own gave complete bjs some didn't. Them is just the facts. Personal experience.


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## umbluu (Jan 24, 2020)

One more datapoint... I do not particularly care about swallowing, narrowly defined. I do, however, find it very enjoyable to be sucked on while I orgasm. Does not happen very often, only when my wife is in special mood. BJ as part of the foreplay occurrs in most encounters, though, she likes it quite a lot. As for the influence of porn... I agree there are many negative effects of porn, but people finding somethig they may like, trying it in good faith without coercion or nagging and discovering that they indeed like it is probably not one of them.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

One of my girlfriends used to spit it out, another didn't want the gloop any near her face (but happy to blow), my wife used to swallow...


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Personal said:


> Oral sex is as old as the hills as is swallowing sperm and spitting it out. It's something humans have done throughout history.


Really isnt anything new under the sun regarding human sexuality. We have thousabds of years to try anything and everything feasible. The Kuma Satra and paintings on fertility temple walls in Greece are illustrative. There may be similar on walls of caves.

And every society develops a list of sexual practice that is taboo.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There’s a huge difference between getting caught up in the moment and choosing to do something, whether spontaneously or by request, and being bullied into it. That goes for just about everything in life. Most marriage problems would stop if people would treat their spouse the way they want to be treated.


I understand what you mean about being bullied but there is more. 

Many people in relationships have all but given up on their boundaries (in general) in order to keep the peace in the relationship. I think there would less relationship problems if people were honest with themselves and their partner, and not afraid to set boundaries. People can only work on the problems when they know what they are.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Personal said:


> That said it’s never been something I have ever had a need to express as a want or requirement in a sexual relationship. Since doing both swallowing and drooling it out of their mouth and taking facials, has simply been something that women I’ve been with do.


You are either very lucky or unknowingly an open book to have always matched with women who share your sexual preferences. Neither is a bad thing but it's also not common.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

The only thing I can add is this .
Back before I got married the old timers where I worked would tell all the younger guys " Son if she doesn't blow you before you get married , That's not going change after you get married " .

Truth...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Jimi007 said:


> The only thing I can add is this .
> Back before I got married the old timers where I worked would tell all the younger guys " Son if she doesn't blow you before you get married , That's not going change after you get married " .
> 
> Truth...


I find that funny. For me it was the opposite. I don't think I blew my husband before we got married. But do oral now frequently.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I find that funny. For me it was the opposite. I don't think I blew my husband before we got married. But do oral now frequently.


It’s fun when men tell us how we ALL think, isn’t it? 😉

Although that bit of folksy wisdom does have some truth to it. Interesting, when so many men have low opinions of women who have sex before marriage. 😉


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Some men are so demanding, thank God for Mr D.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I find it very odd that a few guys here seem to think that all men must like and want what they do, so if their partner won't do some of those things then they must have 'settled' and therefore can't complain. 
Don't you realize that all men are different in what they like and don't like? Just as all women are too?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Jimi007 said:


> The only thing I can add is this .
> Back before I got married the old timers where I worked would tell all the younger guys " Son if she doesn't blow you before you get married , That's not going change after you get married " .
> 
> Truth...


But that's not what this thread is about. Giving frequent blow jobs that end in the month aren't enough. Apparently she also has to swallow, once it's in her mouth, as well, or it isn't good enough.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Some men are so demanding, *thank God for Mr D.*


Might be the wrong thread to use that. Or I'm just too immature


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Personal said:


> That said she will happily eat raw oysters and plenty of other things that horrify me.


I eat raw oysters with hot sauce.... I don't think I can use Tabasco sauce in the bedroom 😝


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I eat raw oysters with hot sauce.... I don't think I can use Tabasco sauce in the bedroom 😝


I bet someone, somewhere, is into that


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Personal said:


> Plus she will happily and very frequently take my penis in her mouth, after it’s been in her vagina or anus as well (I like that about her). She tells me, that she finds the idea of doing it, when she’s not aroused to be icky. Yet when she is aroused, she can’t help enjoying it in the moment, so she just goes with it, saying sex is weird but fun.


I don't care what couples do in the bedroom. I do plenty that I'm not telling. 😎


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

bobert said:


> I bet someone, somewhere, is into that


I remember one time my husband ate spicy food and later that night my lady parts were on fire!!!! 

I don't recommend it to anyone! 😱


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I love oysters!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I remember one time my husband ate spicy food and later that night my lady parts were on fire!!!!
> 
> I don't recommend it to anyone! 😱


Yeah we had to institute a “no sex after chopping Jalepenos” rule. No one wins. No one. 😳


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> But that's not what this thread is about. Giving frequent blow jobs that end in the month aren't enough. Apparently she also has to swallow, once it's in her mouth, as well, or it isn't good enough.


Ok, ok.

I know you meant “mouth” here, Livvie - but your spelling mistake here drastically increases the humor of your post.

no question, I would love to start receiving a blowjob right now that ends in a month!!!😂😂😂😂


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> Might be the wrong thread to use that. Or I'm just too immature


Oh - I would LOVE for a woman to say “Thank God for Mr. D” to me!!!
😂😂😂😂😂


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I remember one time my husband ate spicy food and later that night my lady parts were on fire!!!!
> 
> I don't recommend it to anyone! 😱


Adding that to the mental "do not go downtown when..." list... eek.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I remember one time my husband ate spicy food and later that night my lady parts were on fire!!!!
> 
> I don't recommend it to anyone!


This happened with Mrs. Far one night after she ingested some peppermint essential oil mix and later went down on me. It hurt!

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> Really isnt anything new under the sun regarding human sexuality. We have thousabds of years to try anything and everything feasible. The Kuma Satra and paintings on fertility temple walls in Greece are illustrative. There may be similar on walls of caves.
> 
> And every society develops a list of sexual practice that is taboo.


Kama Sutra is porn 🤣


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


Within reason... I have some hard lines that I will not cross, like anything that belongs in a toilet or consensual bodily harm. Or anything that's just too far from normal, like putting liquids into one's backdoor then drinking it with a straw..... some things you can never unread


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


I can’t speak for the hard “no”s that you speak of. I would need to go out and experiment first.

maybe one day when my job can settle down and I don’t have to work every Saturday and Sunday anymore. 

I’ve been stretching my wings as of late and speaking with women. I am shocked at the the number of things they are willing to do. Yes, a blow job that lasts past 45 seconds would actually blow my mind, but I’m not even talking about the bare minimum things. I’m saying that many women enjoy things that many men do.

some women don’t. Some men don’t.

that’s ok.

it is only the loud mouths that will come here and shame people for wanting to do more adventurous things and then blame porn for the cause of it. That is a small percentage and not the majority.

I will agree that I think a large portion of men (not sure if the majority) definitely would do anything to please their SO sexually.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> Within reason... I have some hard lines that I will not cross, like anything that belongs in a toilet or consensual bodily harm. Or anything that's just too far from normal, like putting liquids into one's backdoor then drinking it with a straw..... some things you can never unread


Damn.

I was ok reading everything here. I was handling it well.

then the straw thing came up and I can’t stop recreating this in my mind and it is driving me insane.

dammit, bobert.

I’m gonna hurl.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Within reason... I have some hard lines that I will not cross, like anything that belongs in a toilet or consensual bodily harm. Or anything that's just too far from normal, like putting liquids into one's backdoor then drinking it with a straw..... some things you can never unread


Lol...I'm sorry I read this....Puked in my mouth...Thanks......JK


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Damn.
> 
> I was ok reading everything here. I was handling it well.
> 
> ...


I have a baby sleeping on my chest right now and I'm trying so hard not to laugh


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> I will agree that I think a large portion of men (not sure if the majority) definitely would do anything to please their SO sexually.


It depends.

Let’s say my partner was like hey baby you know what really gets me off is if you put on a g string and a horse saddle, we go downtown and then I put a carrot in your mouth and whip you with a riding crop on Market Street.

Not doing that.

“Normal” stuff within reason, sure.

So the question is ejaculate in the mouth is it normal or not. Had trouble finding stats but this survey suggests it is normal (close to 50-50)









Oral Sex Survey Results - Uncovering Intimacy


Results from our oral sex survey. Why don't spouses want to do oral? Why do husbands want their wives to swallow? Why don't wives want to? Come find out.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com





However it’s also normal to not do it. In that one it said in the group that allows it 58% swallow. However if you read the written responses the “allow” group seems to have one and done people in there.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> It depends.
> 
> Let’s say my partner was like hey baby you know what really gets me off is if you put on a g string and a horse saddle, we go downtown and then I put a carrot in your mouth and whip you with a riding crop on Market Street.
> 
> ...


Yeah. That makes sense.

at the end of the day, I just assume a blowjob is going to be a part of foreplay. I want to get to the sex.

now, if a woman was like, “look, I want to give you a blow job to completion and we can have sex later when you reload”, well…… I don’t think I’ll be kicking her out of bed for eating crackers.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Let’s say my partner was like hey baby you know what really gets me off is if you put on a g string and a horse saddle, we go downtown and then I put a carrot in your mouth and whip you with a riding crop on Market Street.


Now I'm wondering how vague indecent exposure laws are...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> Now I'm wondering how vague indecent exposure laws are...


Indecent exposure isn’t a thing in San Francisco really especially something like that. If someone actually did what I described I doubt anything would happen to them unless they were causing a major scene and even then the cops would send them away with a warning.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Tdbo said:


> I guess that I can say that this is one problem that I have never faced.
> I'm a 60 year old male, have had oral performed on me hundreds of times by about 7 different females, and have only cum once from it.
> The only time that happened was from my almost ex wife (broken engagement.)
> She took it on as a personal challenge. She was bound and determined that I was going to cum from a BJ.
> ...


I'm very similar. I've never had a BJ to completion. My wife has tried several times, but I seem to have some sort of mental block. Makes no sense really. Even though I would like it to happen at some point, I'm not really bothered by it. We both give and receive plenty of oral sex, but it is always fore play or occasionally a tease to build up to something later in the evening.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I find that funny. For me it was the opposite. I don't think I blew my husband before we got married. But do oral now frequently.


As I've said, I've never had a BJ to completion, but it is a common part of our sex life as a part of foreplay. Prior to marriage my wife never put my penis in her mouth. It was only after marriage that it became more and more common with us.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> The only thing I can add is this .
> Back before I got married the old timers where I worked would tell all the younger guys " Son if she doesn't blow you before you get married , That's not going change after you get married " .
> 
> Truth...


@LATERILUS79 XW told him before they were married all the stuff she would do once the knot was tied. Then once the ring was on, told him oral was disgusting and she would never do it or anything else either


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Indecent exposure isn’t a thing in San Francisco really especially something like that. If someone actually did what I described I doubt anything would happen to them unless they were causing a major scene and even then the cops would send them away with a warning.


The weirdos there are too much, even for me.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> @LATERILUS79 XW told him before they were married all the stuff she would do once the knot was tied. Then once the ring was on, told him oral was disgusting and she would never do it or anything else either


What? I’ve never said this.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> What? I’ve never said this.


Sorry, got you mixed up with another poster. @Young at Heart.

My abundant apologies 😕


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Sorry, got you mixed up with another poster. @Young at Heart.
> 
> My abundant apologies 😕


No worries. I just want to be extra careful that I never say anything here untrue. I don’t know how often my exwife would check here to read.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


There you go again making assumptions about what other man may want or like. They are not all the same as you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


We know from many posts here on TAM that many men definitely won't do anything to please their spouses sexually. Far from it.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Pro tip, have an iced mocha frappe sitting near by lol! I’m not a huge fan of the taste or the texture but I will swallow because I know it’s an exciting part of the experience. During my last encounter, after he came I leaned over and grabbed my drink, took a few big swigs through the straw and thoroughly enjoyed swallowing that load lol! Easy peasy 😂


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

And a pro tip for the men. If you have a willing partner and she at least puts effort into it even though she may not be up to par in your mind do not ever complain or whine. That is the number one way to turn her off. It’s a trigger for me, that’s for sure.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


That is simply not true. some men. But there are currently plenty of threads here on TAM about men who won't do foreplay. Others who won't give oral. We have them that think cause they are married that means sex with no effort. Some that just don't want to have sex.

Men are not immune from the bad sex giving.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> That is simply not true. some men. But there are currently plenty of threads here on TAM about men who won't do foreplay. Others who won't give oral. We have them that think cause they are married that means sex with no effort. Some that just don't want to have sex.
> 
> Men are not immune from the bad sex giving.


Makes me wonder why there isn’t a dating site for those of us humans that give 110% effort. 😂

Well, other than the straw thing that bobert mentioned before. Damn. I’m never going to get that out of my head.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Not said:


> And a pro tip for the men. If you have a willing partner and she at least puts effort into it even though she may not be up to par in your mind do not ever complain or whine. That is the number one way to turn her off. It’s a trigger for me, that’s for sure.


I was bitten once. Didn’t mean to “whine”. I made a little noise. She asked if anything was wrong. I said I was good. All was good.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

LATERILUS79 said:


> I was bitten once. Didn’t mean to “whine”. I made a little noise. She asked if anything was wrong. I said I was good. All was good.


I wouldn’t take that as whining. I’m talking more of making her feel like she’s not good enough.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> Conversely, I have been with more than a handful of women who WANTED to be humiliated during the act...like 'beyond what I was really comfortable with doing' humiliation...
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


But if they say they WANT to be humiliated -- they're not really humiliated. They're just playing games.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Most men would do _anything_ to please their SO sexually. I am learning the reverse is not true. Wow, I’m shocked by all of these hard no’s. Not even a couple
> of times a year? The smiles your husbands would have for days is priceless…


I hope you don't actually believe this and you just posted to rile people up. 

Men, just like women, are not monoliths. It's been my experience that hetero men especially have their limits.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But if they say they WANT to be humiliated -- they're not really humiliated. They're just playing games.


And how much is the guy getting out of it if it’s just a game?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Conversely, I have been with more than a handful of women who WANTED to be humiliated during the act...like 'beyond what I was really comfortable with doing' humiliation...
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


This is very true. Some women get off on degradation during sex. I don't understand it but to each their own. 

No yucking on other people's yum.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Lila said:


> This is very true. Some women get off on degradation during sex. I don't understand it but to each their own.
> 
> No yucking on other people's yum.


It wasn't my yum, either. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

bobert said:


> Adding that to the mental "do not go downtown when..." list... eek.


The crazy thing he didn't feel or tasted any spices left in his mouth. I ran to the bathroom because it burned so bad! We had to think about what was going on until I remembered he ate something spicy earlier that day! 😵


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> The crazy thing he didn't feel or tasted any spices left in his mouth. I ran to the bathroom because it burned so bad! We had to think about what was going on until I remembered he ate something spicy earlier that day! 😵


I can't imagine the burn down there 😬 I'd be running to stick my **** in milk 😆


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Quick, hide the milk!!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Lila said:


> I hope you don't actually believe this and you just posted to rile people up.
> 
> Men, just like women, are not monoliths. It's been my experience that hetero men especially have their limits.


Then why all the threads from men wanting their wives to orgasm or how they can please them in bed? I’ve never been called a stingy or selfish lover. But I’ve experienced women not putting in maximum effort.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Then why all the threads from men wanting their wives to orgasm or how they can please them in bed? I’ve never been called a stingy or selfish lover. But I’ve experienced women not putting in maximum effort.


This forum is skewed. It attracts mostly people in dysfunctional relationships or those who want to vent/complain. Men who are in sexually satisfactory relationships are not the ones starting threads on TAM. Nature of the beast. 

I'm sorry you've not found a sexually compatible partner but don't let those experiences define all women.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Not said:


> And a pro tip for the men. If you have a willing partner and she at least puts effort into it even though she may not be up to par in your mind do not ever complain or whine. That is the number one way to turn her off. It’s a trigger for me, that’s for sure.


There are limits though. If it straight up hurts, letting her know and stopping her is definitely reasonable. I would expect the same if I was doing something to hurt my partner.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Hiner112 said:


> There are limits though. If it straight up hurts, letting her know and stopping her is definitely reasonable. I would expect the same if I was doing something to hurt my partner.


I was talking more about being positive about bj’s versus being negative. Like encouraging her by saying something along the lines of how much you enjoy it versus complaining about it not being enough. Sex should be a fun positive playful part of life and not something that should be addressed negatively. Pain and damage never crossed my mind lol! I would definitely want my man to say something if it hurt.

I guess I may be projecting a little because of my last relationship. First I was told he wasn’t interested because BJ’s did nothing for him so I assumed he didn’t want BJ’s but then he started complaining that I never gave him BJ’s but then he had to be in control in the bedroom and didn’t want me initiating but would turn right back around and complain about BJ’s again lol! I lost all interest in giving him BJ’s.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> There are limits though. If it straight up hurts, letting her know and stopping her is definitely reasonable. I would expect the same if I was doing something to hurt my partner.


One would hope most men wouldn’t want to hurt their partner. One would hope. But absolutely, there are ways to let someone know it’s uncomfortable without being rude about it, and certainly I would want to know. Especially if it’s teeth. I understand teeth are an issue, I have a small mouth so if it’s not working I can move or adjust.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> Conversely, I have been with more than a handful of women who WANTED to be humiliated during the act...like 'beyond what I was really comfortable with doing' humiliation...
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


My first time was with a much more experienced girl who initiated and led the whole encounter and she did all sorts of things she wanted to. She even did oral right after we had intercourse to completion without me cleaning up!


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

I've not much cared one way or the other about BJs since I prefer hot PIV action. My wife has gotten good at them starting with no experience and I've been pretty amazed. I've never been demanding on her technique and instead just tell her do what she likes. I give feedback on what feels good and she fills in the rest. Lately she has expressed interest in me finishing. Whatever she decides to do after that is up to her. I think she's been inspired by how good I am at oral on her and wants to add more variety. No complaints there.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> She even did oral right after we had intercourse to completion without me cleaning up!


I can’t recall ever experiencing being with any woman sexually, who didn’t do that.

In my experience it has always been a normal run of the mill thing, that people do when sharing sex. To the point that I’ve never thought that not cleaning up and then doing some more oral straight afterwards was ever about humiliation.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> I can’t recall ever experiencing being with any woman sexually, who didn’t do that.
> 
> In my experience it has always been a normal run of the mill thing, that people do when sharing sex. To the point that I’ve never thought that not cleaning up and then doing some more oral straight afterwards was ever about humiliation.


Yeah. In my experience she turned out to be pretty rare. Not a bad first experience though.😉


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> My first time was with a much more experienced girl who initiated and led the whole encounter


My first time was with a girl who was totally inexperienced and she did a very good job - well, so it seemed, since it was my first time...  She turned out to be fantastic... lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> I hope you don't actually believe this and you just posted to rile people up.
> 
> Men, just like women, are not monoliths. It's been my experience that hetero men especially have their limits.


You prefer gay men?

😉🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You prefer gay men?
> 
> 😉🤣🤣🤣


Define prefer. 

I have gay friends and their sexual limits, compared to the hetero guys I know, is light years apart. And it's not super kinky or "out there" kind of stuff either.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> Define prefer.
> 
> I have gay friends and their sexual limits, compared to the hetero guys I know, is light years apart. And it's not super kinky or "out there" kind of stuff either.


Well you didn't say ALL hetero guys, so I can't disagree with you there. That's great. 🙂

Now I can say it's light years apart for imho most hetero guys to roll with another wiener up their, well, you know.
PS sorry for temp TJ.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well you didn't say ALL hetero guys, so I can't disagree with you there. That's great. 🙂
> 
> Now I can say it's light years apart for imho most hetero guys to roll with another wiener up their, well, you know.
> PS sorry for temp TJ.


Lol. Many hetero men don't want any kind of weiner (fake or otherwise), or anything else for that matter, up their butts. Just saying.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> Lol. Many hetero men don't want any kind of weiner (fake or otherwise), or anything else for that matter, up their butts. Just saying.


I have no doubt you’re right. Although being a hetero man, with plentiful experience. I find that kind of thing is a tremendous pleasure. Especially when it happens in combination, with getting some fellatio at the same time as well (spitting or swallowing).


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Hiner112 said:


> There are limits though. If it straight up hurts, letting her know and stopping her is definitely reasonable. I would expect the same if I was doing something to hurt my partner.



I've had two very different experiences and it was reflected in my comment. I probably should have given context.

Ex-wife: She was tended to be in the genitals are kind of gross category. She would receive oral sex because it felt good but couldn't understand why I liked doing it. She tried giving a couple BJs during the time we were together but her reaction to "Ow, the teeth hurt." was "I guess I'm not any good at it so I won't do it any more." Sometimes in 69 if she was distracted enough she wouldn't do something that hurt but I knew that _any_ kind of feedback just meant that the activity was over and might never happen again.

Current GF: I'll just say that during our second date there was some oral sex and the exchange we had afterwards was along the lines of:

Her: You're beautiful.

Me: I love you.

Her: What?

Me: What?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Personal said:


> I have no doubt you’re right. Although being a hetero man, with plentiful experience. I find that kind of thing is a tremendous pleasure. Especially when it happens in combination, with getting some fellatio at the same time as well (spitting or swallowing).


I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men. 

My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff. 

I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Wife says she “can’t understand women who don’t swallow.” I am forever grateful


----------



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer.


You should be careful making things a if/then obligation. It a trap for both entitlement and disappointment. 

Relevant: ex wife was in the habit of implying that same kind of "if you do this for me then I would be grateful/ you'd get lucky/ whatever". This often resulted in her falling asleep on the couch before anything of consequence happened or her "changing her mind" once it came to the point. I was in an impossible position of acting "entitled" (which I had some cause for) or just being disappointed (again).

Second story that's relevant to the current turn this conversation has taken involves my current girlfriend. We were talking about limits and she was asking what I wouldn't do and I was having trouble coming up with examples. Finally, I said, "I don't think there's much I'd reject out of hand. Other people or stuff that would risk getting arrested, maybe? Look, if you want to try pegging or _whatever_, I'd probably try it if you really wanted to." She paused for a second and said, "Wait I have to Google that." When she was done her response was to the effect that my openness made her feel more open to trying things herself with me.

Gay porn? I don't seek it out and I doubt that I would enjoy it much but, if it got my GF hot and bothered, I'm 100% sure I could sit through a reasonable amount of it.

I ain't scared.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Lila said:


> Define prefer.
> 
> I have gay friends and their sexual limits, compared to the hetero guys I know, is light years apart. And it's not super kinky or "out there" kind of stuff either.


Gay men have more sex than any other partnered relationship, by far. Lesbians have the least amount of sex, by far. I think married hetero couples are closer to the lesbians in percentage of sex than the gay guys.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Gay men have more sex than any other partnered relationship, by far. Lesbians have the least amount of sex, by far. I think married hetero couples are closer to the lesbians in percentage of sex than the gay guys.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


I’d watch it if asked and have watched it several times. It isn’t a big deal at all, and I wouldn’t/don’t require an incentive by way of exchange to do so. The only caveat for me being that like lesbian (woman/woman) porn, I mostly find it pretty boring to look at or watch.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


I prefer guy/guy porn too. For some reason it just seems so much more erotic than girl/girl and hetero. That’s the only type of porn that can get my motor slightly running, maybe because it’s more animalistic.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Hiner112 said:


> You should be careful making things a if/then obligation. It a trap for both entitlement and disappointment.
> 
> Relevant: ex wife was in the habit of implying that same kind of "if you do this for me then I would be grateful/ you'd get lucky/ whatever". This often resulted in her falling asleep on the couch before anything of consequence happened or her "changing her mind" once it came to the point. I was in an impossible position of acting "entitled" (which I had some cause for) or just being disappointed (again).
> 
> ...


I understand where you're coming from and I don't lead with the "only if you'll do XYZ". It's usually the fall back after I've expressed my boundary and they keep asking for it. Conversations go like this.

Me:. I don't like semen in my mouth. Anywhere else on my body (not my eyes) is cool. 
Them: Why not? 
Me: I don't like the texture, taste, or temperature. It makes me gag and in one instance I puked. 
Them:. What if I release at the back of your throat? 
Me: 🙄 No but I have some tricks up my sleeve so it still feels good to you.
Them: But how do you know doing what I suggested won't work?
Me: {who has zero patience and needs to end this conversation quickly} Ya know, I get totally turned on by guy/guy gay porn. Let's watch some (turn up the volume really loud) and we'll try your little experiment. What do you think? 

{Crickets}

It's when they start poking at my boundary that I start poking back.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Not said:


> I prefer guy/guy porn too. For some reason it just seems so much more erotic than girl/girl and hetero. That’s the only type of porn that can get my motor slightly running, maybe because it’s more animalistic.


Thank you!!!!! Thank you for saying this. I always thought I was a weirdo for liking guy/guy porn. For me the draw is that the actors are typically VERY good looking men and they seem to actually be enjoying themselves.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> If I’m getting a BJ and she is into it, I do not care if she spits, swallows or simply doesn’t want cum in her mouth at all.
> I’m damn happy to get a BJ.
> 
> relationship ending?!
> ...


1. If you feel like you’re lucky to be getting a BJ in the first place, or that she’s doing you some kind of favor, your expectations are too low.
I’ve never met a woman who has any problems with BJs at all, if she’s actually into her man.

2. I don’t know if I’d qualify it as relationship ending, as your already down the path at that point. 
But i’d consider it a disqualifier in the first place, if she’s not willing to swallow now and then.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Honestly - that isn’t going to bother me.
> 
> not after what my exwife would be like in the bedroom.
> Again, the bar is set super low here. 😂
> ...


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Lila said:


> Lol. Many hetero men don't want any kind of weiner (fake or otherwise), or anything else for that matter, up their butts. Just saying.


That does seem to be a fairly standard policy for heterosexual men. Damn good policy too. 
I wouldn’t classify that as being sexually limited, but maybe that’s just me.


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## SurfsUpToday (Dec 6, 2021)

Well you all are lucky. My wife will suck but she will not take the cum in her mouth. She also rarely gives a bj to completion when she does it’s a handjob for the last bit. She normally when she feels like it Sucks for a little bit then jumps on me. That’s all nice and all but I if I known this I probably wouldn’t have married her. I do focus way to much in wanting this and it makes me depressed. It also sometimes makes me not initiate because of the disappointment. So if I did over again I would not marry or even date for long someone who won’t satisfy this want of mine. I chalk it up to not being good looking enough or fit enough or even man enough to be worthy of receiving this “gift.” Oh well I’m 47. I don’t really have that much time left on this earth.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> I understand where you're coming from and I don't lead with the "only if you'll do XYZ". It's usually the fall back after I've expressed my boundary and they keep asking for it. Conversations go like this.
> 
> Me:. I don't like semen in my mouth. Anywhere else on my body (not my eyes) is cool.
> Them: Why not?
> ...


Transactional sex?

That's not the most sexy way to maintain a serious sexual relationship. You know that. 

That said, being a guy and just wanting to wrap up the chattering if you gave me a 20 to 1 or 50-1 return on my watching a five minute or less clip I'd do it. I've closed my eyes for five minute naps before and could do so again. 😉


----------



## umbluu (Jan 24, 2020)

Lila, but what you are describing only works if you know that your partner would chicken out... What if he said - all right, let's watch some gay porn together?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Gay porn...Hard pass...No
Why ? Because I'm not gay. I'm not wired that way , yet whatever works for you


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Transactional sex?
> 
> That's not the most sexy way to maintain a serious sexual relationship. You know that.
> 
> That said, being a guy and just wanting to wrap up the chattering if you gave me a 20 to 1 or 50-1 return on my watching a five minute or less clip I'd do it. I've closed my eyes for five minute naps before and could do so again. 😉


😂 @Ragnar Ragnasson I've been divorced 4 years. It's a dog eat dog dating world out there. Between the selfishness, entitlement, emotional baggage, trauma, and lack of self awareness in general, transactional sex is the least of the issues to maintaining a serious relationship.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

umbluu said:


> Lila, but what you are describing only works if you know that your partner would chicken out... What if he said - all right, let's watch some gay porn together?


I've been divorced 4 years and have dated a lot of men in that time. I have had the sexual compatibility talk with many of them. I didn't pursue men who flat out said this was a need for them or who were otherwise incompatible (with the exception of one and that was a huge mistake, lesson learned). Of the men with whom I was generally compatible, only 1 (much younger) took me up on the gay porn offer, and then he laughed his butt off when he saw my face. He told me the gay porn wouldn't turn him off but having me do something that I obviously didn't want to do, would. He dropped the subject then and we moved on. I only have this one data point to go off of but I have faith most men wouldn't force the issue.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> Gay porn...Hard pass...No
> Why ? Because I'm not gay. I'm not wired that way , yet whatever works for you


So, then no girl on girl or FMF threesomes?

@Lila I'm not some big fan of gay porn by any stretch lol, but I would say yes if my wife wanted AND it would get her hot enough to swallow. I genuinely don't mind that my wife won't swallow, but at the same time there is nothing I won't give a shot with my wife, including gay porn if that is her thing. I mean she has watched lesbian porn scenes with me and that isn't her thing, so why not? However, I wouldn't want her to ever do something she found repulsive. We talked about this last night. I never do anything sexually with her that solely for my pleasure. Sure, I want to enjoy some sexual pleasure, but I always get more enjoyment when it is mutual.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> 😂 @Ragnar Ragnasson I've been divorced 4 years. It's a dog eat dog dating world out there. Between the selfishness, entitlement, emotional baggage, trauma, and lack of self awareness in general, transactional sex is the least of the issues to maintaining a serious relationship.


However if only transactional sex is a constant between couples and there's no mutually great sex without playing let's make a deal....that gets old quick and most imo don't want to play that every single time.


----------



## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I believe it is a part of their effort to brainwash women,
> same as they try to brainwash women into believing they can lose weight and get in shape by having sex three times per day.


Late in reading this thread as I thought it was about mean spirited people when I saw the title. I’m going to keep reading but first, I want to know who is “they”?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Lila said:


> I've been divorced 4 years and have dated a lot of men in that time. I have had the sexual compatibility talk with many of them. I didn't pursue men who flat out said this was a need for them or who were otherwise incompatible (with the exception of one and that was a huge mistake, lesson learned). Of the men with whom I was generally compatible, only 1 (much younger) took me up on the gay porn offer, and then he laughed his butt off when he saw my face. He told me the gay porn wouldn't turn him off but having me do something that I obviously didn't want to do, would. He dropped the subject then and we moved on. I only have this one data point to go off of but I have faith most men wouldn't force the issue.


Force being the key word, no, men should not be forcing the issue by any means. If not compatible such is life. No harm no foul, kiss and say goodbye if it's a deal breaker. Or grow a bit together in other ways as desired or not.


----------



## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> So, then no girl on girl or FMF threesomes?
> 
> @Lila I'm not some big fan of gay porn by any stretch lol, but I would say yes if my wife wanted AND it would get her hot enough to swallow. I genuinely don't mind that my wife won't swallow, but at the same time there is nothing I won't give a shot with my wife, including gay porn if that is her thing. I mean she has watched lesbian porn scenes with me and that isn't her thing, so why not? However, I wouldn't want her to ever do something she found repulsive. We talked about this last night. I never do anything sexually with her that solely for my pleasure. Sure, I want to enjoy some sexual pleasure, but I always get more enjoyment when it is mutual.


No BigDaddyNY......No 3 somes , of any kind. I'm not sharing my wife with anyone else.

I'm assuming you have done that ?
Not for me...

We are a monogamous couple. 
What ever floats your boat.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


Sign me up. It's just a video. And if it gets us both turned on, even better.


----------



## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


This is interesting. If that scenario was presented to me, I would respond with; "you watch as much as you like. When you are ready to go, I'll be waiting."

Having said that if a woman I was with suggested we watch hetero porn or girl on girl porn, I would respond with why don't you just tell me what you want and we can go do it. If looking at the porn was what they really wanted, I would probably say; knock yourself out. I would even watch it with them, but porn does not get my motor running like that. Which most partners would not like.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> So, then no girl on girl or FMF threesomes?
> 
> @Lila I'm not some big fan of gay porn by any stretch lol, but I would say yes if my wife wanted AND it would get her hot enough to swallow.


i’d be way more disturbed that my wife found gay porn that much of a turn on…


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> However if only transactional sex is a constant between couples and there's no mutually great sex without playing let's make a deal....that gets old quick and most imo don't want to play that every single time.





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Force being the key word, no, men should not be forcing the issue by any means. If not compatible such is life. No harm no foul, kiss and say goodbye if it's a deal breaker. Or grow a bit together in other ways as desired or not.


Agreed on both accounts. 

My perspective is from someone who had (and continues to have) premarital sex with others who were also sexually experienced. We had/have pretty good ideas of likes, dislikes. 

In my opinion, the goal should be to find sexually compatible partners who can accept each other's hard boundaries. It's the best recipe for mutually satisfying sex. Like you said, if that's not there, wish each other luck and walk away. 

I do understand that it's different for people who were virgins or inexperienced sexually when they married. That's a whole other situation that requires a whole other discussion about compromise.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I wouldn't want her to ever do something she found repulsive


❤ 

I think a big part of sex is experiencing mutual pleasure. 

Men and women communicate differently, but in my experience, most men feel the way you do and would never want to do something their partner found repulsive.


----------



## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

SurfsUpToday said:


> Well you all are lucky. My wife will suck but she will not take the cum in her mouth. She also rarely gives a bj to completion when she does it’s a handjob for the last bit. She normally when she feels like it Sucks for a little bit then jumps on me. That’s all nice and all but I if I known this I probably wouldn’t have married her. I do focus way to much in wanting this and it makes me depressed. It also sometimes makes me not initiate because of the disappointment. So if I did over again I would not marry or even date for long someone who won’t satisfy this want of mine. I chalk it up to not being good looking enough or fit enough or even man enough to be worthy of receiving this “gift.” Oh well I’m 47. I don’t really have that much time left on this earth.


At least your wife will suck/give you a BJ. Mine revolts at the thought and when I asked her just to kiss me there she briefly did, then laid back and looked like it really traumatized her. I stopped pushing the issue. Being anywhere near my groin is a no and I can only finish in her which she promptly goes to the bathroom to clean up. I can hardly get her to touch me there. Usually the only time she does it’s to get intercourse started.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GoodDad5 said:


> At least your wife will suck/give you a BJ. Mine revolts at the thought and when I asked her just to kiss me there she briefly did, then laid back and looked like it really traumatized her. I stopped pushing the issue. Being anywhere near my groin is a no and I can only finish in her which she promptly goes to the bathroom to clean up. I can hardly get her to touch me there. Usually the only time she does it’s to get intercourse started.


And you are happy with and stay in this relationship why?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I have no preference if a woman spits or swallows.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> And you are happy with and stay in this relationship why?


Financial reasons would devastate me if we split. We have kids and I make considerably more than she does. I also don’t want to do that to my kids. Several of their friends come from a split family situation. 

I’m not happy about this one bit and have tried putting my foot down on the subject but all it does is cause a huge argument with her saying she shouldn’t be subjected to doing stuff that downright makes her sick to her stomach. She sure had no issue doing that while we dated…


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## SurfsUpToday (Dec 6, 2021)

GoodDad5 said:


> At least your wife will suck/give you a BJ. Mine revolts at the thought and when I asked her just to kiss me there she briefly did, then laid back and looked like it really traumatized her. I stopped pushing the issue. Being anywhere near my groin is a no and I can only finish in her which she promptly goes to the bathroom to clean up. I can hardly get her to touch me there. Usually the only time she does it’s to get intercourse started.


I’m so sorry for this. That is awful. I know the feeling somewhat. For me it’s feels as if I am not good enough for her. Then I start thinking if I was someone else would she do it for him? It’s really depressing.
I will give you an example of how I am affected by this. This happened about an hour ago. My wife was asking what I wanted for my birthday which is next week. I wanted so hard to say a full on cum in mouth bj, but I was so apprehensive of the rejection and looming fight over it I just said “I don’t know.” I suppose if I was a real man I would have just said what I want, but I suck at life. 
anyway, I feel so bad for how you are treated. I should count myself lucky.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

SurfsUpToday said:


> I’m so sorry for this. That is awful. I know the feeling somewhat. For me it’s feels as if I am not good enough for her. Then I start thinking if I was someone else would she do it for him? It’s really depressing.
> I will give you an example of how I am affected by this. This happened about an hour ago. My wife was asking what I wanted for my birthday which is next week. I wanted so hard to say a full on cum in mouth bj, but I was so apprehensive of the rejection and looming fight over it I just said “I don’t know.” I suppose if I was a real man I would have just said what I want, but I suck at life.
> anyway, I feel so bad for how you are treated. I should count myself lucky.


One thing is certain, you won't get what you don't ask for.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

GoodDad5 said:


> Financial reasons would devastate me if we split. We have kids and I make considerably more than she does. I also don’t want to do that to my kids. Several of their friends come from a split family situation.
> 
> I’m not happy about this one bit and have tried putting my foot down on the subject but all it does is cause a huge argument with her saying she shouldn’t be subjected to doing stuff that downright makes her sick to her stomach. She sure had no issue doing that while we dated…


Your situation sucks, but I have little sympathy for you. You're unhappiness must not really be that bad or you would do something about it. You've decided money is a higher priority than happiness and from what I can tell you are doing nothing about your situation except complaining. That makes you even less sexy to your wife BTW. Those sexual activities don't make her sick to her stomach for a man she has the hots for, like when you were dating. Somewhere along the way you became an unattractive man to her and being spineless only makes you look even less desirable to her. Every day you sit around and suck it up makes you less and less desirable to her. Your marriage will remain in that death spiral until you do something about it. 

Staying for the kids is a total cop out, a convenient excuse to cover your cowardice. Are their friends from split families really worse off? Do you realize you may be setting your kids up for the same hell you are living in by not showing them that you can and should standup for your own happiness?


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

farsidejunky said:


> Conversely, I have been with more than a handful of women who WANTED to be humiliated during the act...like 'beyond what I was really comfortable with doing' humiliation...
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I've ran into a few women who were into the humiliation. Not for me. Difficult to wrap my mind around that.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Lila said:


> I understand what you mean about being bullied but there is more.
> 
> Many people in relationships have all but given up on their boundaries (in general) in order to keep the peace in the relationship. I think there would less relationship problems if people were honest with themselves and their partner, and not afraid to set boundaries. People can only work on the problems when they know what they are.


Big question is what does a couple do when they deeply love each other, yet are on opposite sides of sexual desires? She likes bondage and it freaks him out, he likes anal and she says no way? Will always be tension over these types of things. So now what about boundaries?


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> I've ran into a few women who were into the humiliation. Not for me. Difficult to wrap my mind around that.


If they were “into it,” it wasn’t really humiliation. It was just a game.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s fun when men tell us how we ALL think, isn’t it? 😉
> 
> Although that bit of folksy wisdom does have some truth to it. Interesting, when so many men have low opinions of women who have sex before marriage. 😉


I was with one virgin. I was also a virgin. Never wanted to go through that again. Preferred a lady with some experience so she had confidence and no head games.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Within reason... I have some hard lines that I will not cross, like anything that belongs in a toilet or consensual bodily harm. Or anything that's just too far from normal, like putting liquids into one's backdoor then drinking it with a straw..... some things you can never unread


I have found it fun to use hot dog buns and hum the Oscar Meyer tune!


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yeah we had to institute a “no sex after chopping Jalepenos” rule. No one wins. No one. 😳


I still remember the first time I was chopping habaneros and then, before washing my hands, I went pee. A mistake I never made again, never. Took hours for the burning to stop. I even tried pouring milk on it.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

So anyone remember the old joke about the bride and groom after the wedding....about "blow jobs"?


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Lila said:


> This is very true. Some women get off on degradation during sex. I don't understand it but to each their own.
> 
> No yucking on other people's yum.


Kinda goes with the cuckold thing. Some men like degradation to achieve sexual stimulation.


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> One would hope most men wouldn’t want to hurt their partner. One would hope. But absolutely, there are ways to let someone know it’s uncomfortable without being rude about it, and certainly I would want to know. Especially if it’s teeth. I understand teeth are an issue, I have a small mouth so if it’s not working I can move or adjust.


True that!


----------



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Lila said:


> I have no doubts it's an enjoyable experience for many men.
> 
> My point about hetero men having more sexual boundaries wasn't even about risky or even kinky stuff.
> 
> I'll give you an example. I don't watch much porn but when I do, I like gay (guy/guy) porn. Every single man but one who I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some sort of freak. So now whenever I get asked to allow semen in my mouth, I respond with "only if you watch gay (guy/guy) porn with me". The odds are great they'll never take me up on the offer. 🤷‍♀️


After 20 years in the military, there's nothing I can't power through!!!!


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You've decided money is a higher priority than happiness and from what I can tell you are doing nothing about your situation except complaining.


Except @GoodDad5 could end up broke and still without any intimacy. Inertia keeps us stuck in the uncomfortable familiar rather than exploring the unfamiliar. The older we are the stronger the inertia. 

The Outer Limits story is illustrative. It is easy for me to tell someone what they should do.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

I'm in the category of me experienced (very) and her only 2 partners with piv 5 times before me. Her upbringing put a lot of stigma on sexuality in her. She did try giving a bit of a bj once during foreplay before marriage and was actually pretty good. However, she really has never been into oral sex either way. As the years have gone by, I being extremely open minded and supportive of her trying new things, have slowly gotten her to relax a bit and actually sorta of enjoy oral. She did as stated somewhere before, try to orally finish a bj, which set off huge gaging issues and running to the bathroom. It was by her choice to try, I didn't say to or not to, just gave her a tap out signal. She still will do a bj, occasionally, but doesn't enjoy it. I've had some ladies who did this, a couple that did swallow and most preferred external ejaculation. whether a woman, or man, is a spitter or not, is really irrelevant. It's the sharing of the experience that's important and each partners pleasure and comfort. Not fun to have partners grunting in pain or crying from it, nor puking, gagging or making horrid sounds of disgust performing a sexual act. Not arousing at all! It's all relevant to each person and couple what is normal or not. As to the title of the thread itself? Well more of a brag or complain thread really.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

GoodDad5 said:


> Financial reasons would devastate me if we split. We have kids and I make considerably more than she does. I also don’t want to do that to my kids. Several of their friends come from a split family situation.
> 
> I’m not happy about this one bit and have tried putting my foot down on the subject but all it does is cause a huge argument with her saying she shouldn’t be subjected to doing stuff that downright makes her sick to her stomach. She sure had no issue doing that while we dated…


Money can be made and back up to a good standard of living (I know), kids get over it and become immersed in their own lives (I know) but the years you’re sacrificing, you will NEVER get back.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Money can be made and back up to a good standard of living (I know), kids get over it and become immersed in their own lives (I know) but the years you’re sacrificing, you will NEVER get back.


And the longer it goes on, the more equity he will have to split and more spousal support he would have to pay. 

Once the kids are grown, the excuse will be it's too late to divorce. 

Some people will never leave a crap marriage.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> And the longer it goes on, the more equity he will have to split and more spousal support he would have to pay.
> 
> Once the kids are grown, the excuse will be it's too late to divorce.
> 
> Some people will never leave a crap marriage.


Just sneaking out the back door now ...


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

What is a little humorous ( an sad ) for me about this thread, is my cancerous prostate together with all seminal vesicles was removed decades ago. So there ain't nothing for wife to spit/swallow/whatever ever anymore. Dry as the desert.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> What is a little humorous ( an sad ) for me about this thread, is my cancerous prostate together with all seminal vesicles was removed decades ago. So there ain't nothing for wife to spit/swallow/whatever ever anymore. Dry as the desert.


I wasn't sure if I should go with laugh or sad on this one. Since you are doing fine I went with laugh 

I've actually wondered what would happen in cases of prostate removal. So normal orgasm, just dry?


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I wasn't sure if I should go with laugh or sad on this one. Since you are doing fine I went with laugh
> 
> I've actually wondered what would happen in cases of prostate removal. So normal orgasm, just dry?


Yep. After (and IF) nerve bundle survives or restores itself. Took about year for me. Some never recover.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> Yep. After (and IF) nerve bundle survives or restores itself. Took about year for me. Some never recover.


I’m happy you got yours back so you can still enjoy


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> i’d be way more disturbed that my wife found gay porn that much of a turn on…


If he gets her motor revved up, go for it.


----------



## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Lila said:


> Thank you!!!!! Thank you for saying this. I always thought I was a weirdo for liking guy/guy porn. For me the draw is that the actors are typically VERY good looking men and they seem to actually be enjoying themselves.


I read somewhere that many women enjoy guy/guy gay porn, I think it is more common than you think. I believe there was even a mention of it in a Friends episode.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> I’m happy you got yours back so you can still enjoy


Believe me so am I. A lot of men don't. My wife is a saint who rode through a year waiting for a recovery that might have never come. If you are ever faced with this stuff, choose carefully. They might save your life and you end up wishing they hadn't.

Sorry, don't mean to t/j


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

bobert said:


> Really? That's a new one... My wife would probably laugh if I said that, or tell me to lay off the porn.
> 
> Swallowing (or finishing anywhere but her hand) is definitely nice to have and maybe I'd be more picky in a new partner, but it's not something I'd divorce over.
> 
> ...


Bahaha Hair Gel!


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I'm a little amazed to hear that not fully swallowing is a dealbreaker, relationship ending thing. What if it goes in your mouth but you don't actually finish swallowing it? End of relationship. Interesting.


I don't get it at all. My wife will sometimes, sometimes not. By the time she makes that decision I could not care less. I guess if she never would maybe I would want her to but I never realized it was a thing guys were that concerned with.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I don't get it at all. My wife will sometimes, sometimes not. By the time she makes that decision I could not care less. I guess if she never would maybe I would want her to but I never realized it was a thing guys were that concerned with.


It’s about control. 🙄 It seems crazy to me to make that a dealbreaker.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s about control. 🙄 It seems crazy to me to make that a dealbreaker.


It's infantile.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s about control. 🙄 It seems crazy to me to make that a dealbreaker.


Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


No. That was actually the norm when I was dating. Minus the toys.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


Putting aside the unevenness of that analogy, it would very much depend on the man. It never occurred to me to select a companion based on performing a specific sex act.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


Not analogous at all. 

Guys are saying is that they got full oral to completion, FINISHING COMPLETELY IN HER MOUTH, but that she let it drip out or spit it into a kleenex, that they would dump her. Terminate relationship because even though they are finishing full on in her mouth, if it drips or if she deposits it into a kleenex and can't manage to swallow the whole wad, they are done with her. 

So, your analogy is not an analogy at all. 

The fact that men would reject a woman, even though they are getting full blowjobs that finish completely in her mouth, solely because she isn't swallowing, makes me want to never give a man oral again.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Due to my bum knee I received a BJ the other day in the shower and I am 99.9% “alert and somewhere else” capable but this time she caught a spurt. I was like whoa I’m sorry that was a freak accident. She said, “that’s ok it wasn’t that much” rest of it went all over.

I found the ease with which she brushed it off to be puzzling.

I admit that usually mine is on the gloppy side in terms of viscosity and it’s not some great reward. So I can totally see why she is not interested in receiving it.

I think there may be a correlation between the woman’s overall happiness with the relationship and their ability to tolerate gloopy semen. Just a theory…


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


No.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It never occurred to me to select a companion based on performing a specific sex act.


Maybe not one specific act but what about the aggregate collection of acts that make up sexual compatibility and chemistry? 
And out of that aggregate, would there be any act that if he was unable/unwilling to do, would that be a deal breaker for you?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Due to my bum knee I received a BJ the other day in the shower and I am 99.9% “alert and somewhere else” capable but this time she caught a spurt. I was like whoa I’m sorry that was a freak accident. She said, “that’s ok it wasn’t that much” rest of it went all over.
> 
> I found the ease with which she brushed it off to be puzzling.
> 
> ...


Well, which is it, CCP, is it gloopy or gloppy?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> No.


Yeah, no, because women don't need to lord over guys to get a boner. Infantile.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> Guys are saying is that they got full oral to completion, FINISHING COMPLETELY IN HER MOUTH, but that she let it drip out or spit it into a kleenex, that they would dump her. Terminate relationship because even though they are finishing full on in her mouth, if it drips or if she deposits it into a kleenex and can't manage to swallow the whole wad, they are done with her.


I have not read all 12 pages and nor am I going to. 

Has anyone actually said that??

Has anyone actually said if it drips that they would dump her??


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> I have not read all 12 pages and nor am I going to.
> 
> Has anyone actually said that??
> 
> Has anyone actually said if it drips that they would dump her??


Yes, that even though the load was deposited in the mouth, if not actually swallowed after that, they would end the relationship. 

Pfft. Guys can go suck their own cocks.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If they only knew how childish and desperate for ego gratification as well as mean and inconsiderate it makes them sound and how transparent that is.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, which is it, CCP, is it gloopy or gloppy?


It depends. Sometimes gloopy, sometimes gloppy. Either way it doesn’t sound great.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Yes, that even though the load was deposited in the mouth, if not actually swallowed after that, they would end the relationship.
> 
> Pfft. Guys can go suck their own cocks.


If they could do that, 1. We’d never see them again and 2. Pretty much guaranteed they wouldn’t swallow.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> Would it be a deal breaker if a man wouldn't do more than perfunctory oral on you,or perhaps no oral at all, just fingers and toys, and of course, PiV?


And do you know how many men that describes? Or those that aren't perfunctory but aren't that great at it. There are plenty of men that do perfunctory (fill in the blank) and then have sex. The men have orgasms and the women don't. Happens everyday of the week.

I would never make having non-mutually orgasmic sex a deal breaker. Men do it all the time. Of course they all swear they are great and their women have multiple orgasms every single time.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Livvie said:


> The fact that men would reject a woman, even though they are getting full blowjobs that finish completely in her mouth, solely because she isn't swallowing, makes me want to never give a man oral again.


Why would a few to handful of men posting on the internet affect how you feel towards men in general and/or the man you would choose to have in your life?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Pfft. Guys can go suck their own cocks.





TexasMom1216 said:


> If they could do that, 1. We’d never see them again and


Ewww 🤮 gross! 🙊🙈



> 2. Pretty much guaranteed they wouldn’t swallow.


 I can't speak for other men, yet I wouldn't want to swallow.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> Of course they all swear they are great and their women have multiple orgasms every single time.


My wife doesn't orgasm every time we share sex, and I've got stats to prove it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> My wife doesn't orgasm every time we share sex, and I've got stats to prove it.


Same. Although lately she has. Thanks Amazon dot com!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> Same. Although lately she has. Thanks Amazon dot com!


My wife won't use motorised aids to help with that, since she doesn't like how they make her feel.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> My wife won't use motorised aids to help with that, since she doesn't like how they make her feel.


A shame.

I think machine > man at least as far as I can feel.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> A shame.


Why is it a shame?

When she orgasms quite readily and frequently (just not every single time), from either standalone penis in vagina sex, or standalone oral sex, or standalone digital/hand stimulation. Plus in very recent years (to her surprise) she has orgasmed via standalone anal sex on a very small number of occasions as well.

At the end of the day, given that she finds vibrators overstimulating and too much for her, I think it's a good thing she chooses not to use them.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> Why is it a shame?


I found the right setting for her where she goes off with major contractions for like 45 seconds I am jealous of it.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

If a woman won’t accept “all of me”, yes, it’s a dealbreaker for me. If a female wants 100% of me, my attention and my emotion, but is unwilling to reciprocate, it’s a no go.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> I found the right setting for her where she goes off with major contractions for like 45 seconds I am jealous of it.


Cool, and I feel the same way in terms for how long my wife's orgasm rolls on for.

Of which, for getting a greater sense of how long and how many spasms the orgasm brings, having a finger or fingers in a woman's anus when they orgasm tells the bigger picture.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Yes, that even though the load was deposited in the mouth, if not actually swallowed after that, they would end the relationship.
> 
> Pfft. Guys can go suck their own cocks.


If I could reach it…..


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> Why is it a shame?
> 
> When she orgasms quite readily and frequently (just not every single time), from either standalone penis in vagina sex, or standalone oral sex, or standalone digital/hand stimulation. Plus in very recent years (to her surprise) she has orgasmed via standalone anal sex on a very small number of occasions as well.
> 
> At the end of the day, given that she finds vibrators overstimulating and too much for her, I think it's a good thing she chooses not to use them.


I think a lot of women find them overstimulating, but you don't have to use batteries.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

TinyTbone said:


> Big question is what does a couple do when they deeply love each other, yet are on opposite sides of sexual desires? She likes bondage and it freaks him out, he likes anal and she says no way? Will always be tension over these types of things. So now what about boundaries?


If they love each other as deeply as you suggest, they can give up on their specific sexual kinks and focus on the sexual activities they mutually enjoy OR, they can recognize love is not everything and they may not be compatible long term.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Personal said:


> My wife won't use motorised aids to help with that, since she doesn't like how they make her feel.


i know someone near and dear who is a big fan of battery-operated assistance


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Lila said:


> If they love each other as deeply as you suggest, they can give up on their specific sexual kinks and focus on the sexual activities they mutually enjoy OR, they can recognize love is not everything and they may not be compatible long term.


A thoughtful answer indeed


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> If they love each other as deeply as you suggest, they can give up on their specific sexual kinks and focus on the sexual activities they mutually enjoy OR, they can recognize love is not everything and they may not be compatible long term.


There can be another way.

Although there were plenty of things that I wouldn’t have carried on sharing a sexual relationship with my wife, if she didn’t do them back in the day.

There were still some things that I used to do with others, that I had never shared with my wife before we were married. Yet we now do those things today.

Likewise there are things I now do with my wife, that I had never done before with anyone else.

Plus there is at least one thing that both of us have done with others, that we have never shared together despite enjoying it at the time.

Of which at least for my wife and I, our yes and no’s list wasn’t frozen at the beginning of our sexual relationship, or at the beginning of our marriage.

So our shared sex life, though wonderful to begin with. Has continued to get better, throughout the decades we have been together.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Longtime Hubby said:


> i know someone near and dear who is a big fan of battery-operated assistance


If it helps her have orgasms, that’s a good thing.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Personal said:


> If it helps her have orgasms, that’s a good thing.


Oh yes.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personal said:


> So our shared sex life, though wonderful to begin with. Has continued to get better, throughout the decades we have been together.


As it should be in my opinion, and experience. I feel like if that is not the case there is some incompatibility at play. It may not be a deal breaker leading to divorce if that isn't what has happened, but I think it is a sign there is room for improvement.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Personal said:


> There can be another way.
> 
> Although there were plenty of things that I wouldn’t have carried on sharing a sexual relationship with my wife, if she didn’t do them back in the day.
> 
> ...



I'm not sure how what you describe correlates to what I responded to. 

It sounds like you and your wife are compatible sexually. You both enjoy or are neutral about the sexual activities you partake in. 

My post was in response to the question "what does a couple do when they deeply love each other, *yet are on opposite sides of sexual desires? *She likes bondage and it freaks him out, he likes anal and she says no way?". There really are just two options. Accept your partner's boundaries and move on, or find someone who is more sexually compatible.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Lila said:


> I'm not sure how what you describe correlates to what I responded to.
> 
> It sounds like you and your wife are compatible sexually. You both enjoy or are neutral about the sexual activities you partake in.
> 
> My post was in response to the question "what does a couple do when they deeply love each other, *yet are on opposite sides of sexual desires? *She likes bondage and it freaks him out, he likes anal and she says no way?". There really are just two options. Accept your partner's boundaries and move on, or find someone who is more sexually compatible.


If she knows she likes BDSM, but he doesn't, and he likes anal and she says no way, then I don't understand why they got married with such significant difference in sexual preferences.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If she knows she likes BDSM, but he doesn't, and he likes anal and she says no way, then I don't understand why they got married with such significant difference in sexual preferences.



Agreed. That's why my response to the original question was that love isn't everything. Sometimes there are deep rooted incompatibilities that cannot be overcome. Sad but true.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think people end up getting married anyway because most women can't fathom that not doing a certain sex act would be a deal breaker. Honestly I'd never heard of it until I came to this forum and I'm 70 years old.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think people end up getting married anyway because most women can't fathom that not doing a certain sex act would be a deal breaker. Honestly I'd never heard of it until I came to this forum and I'm 70 years old.


If they never did a particular sex act during a sexually active premarital relationship then I can see and understand that point of view. If they were doing certain sexual activities frequently and enthusiastically during the premarital period then that doesn't hold water IMO. I didn't expect a repeat of something one off that we tried and she wasn't thrilled about, but I certainly had a strong expectation of continuing to do what we did prior to marriage for the remainder of our relationship unless something physically prevented it. In fact my thought process was our sex life would expand once married, and it has. To me that seemed like it was the way it should be and I am so thankful that it the way it has gone for us.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think people end up getting married anyway because most women can't fathom that not doing a certain sex act would be a deal breaker. Honestly I'd never heard of it until I came to this forum and I'm 70 years old.


Well and there is stuff we could do when we were young that we can't really do as we age without looking ridiculous. It's kind of cruel to want to make someone look foolish.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If they never did a particular sex act during a sexually active premarital relationship then I can see and understand that point of view. If they were doing certain sexual activities frequently and enthusiastically during the premarital period then that doesn't hold water IMO. I did expect a repeat of something one off that we tried and she wasn't thrilled about, but I certainly had a strong expectation of continuing to do what we did prior to marriage for the remainder of our relationship unless something physically prevented it. In fact my thought process was our sex life would expand once married, and it has. To me that seemed like it was the way it should be and I am so thankful that it the way it has gone for us.


There are so many variables there, though. Someone trying something a time or two and then deciding it's not fun for them or doable is usually more the scenario. No one should have to keep doing things that wear on them over time and were actually never fun for them and keep pretending just to keep the man happy. I don't know any woman who went into marriage thinking that meant she was now obligated to be the husband's sex slave. But I would sure hope he would look at her dead serious and tell her that before she accepts the engagement ring if that is the case. Even then, she probably wouldn't believe it because it's so outlandish.

A couple might be having less frequent but more exciting sex before moving in together, and then the novelty is bound to wear off over some amount of time. The honeymoon phase just doesn't last for most. And men need to remember most women are simply not as sexual as most men once things settle. Always there are exceptions, and I guess not enough female exceptions to fill the need. 

I would never ever ask a man to perform an act he didn't want to do, and I have told them so. And there's plenty men don't want to do, too. I didn't treat men like chattel and I wouldn't put up with it myself for a minute.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well and there is stuff you can do when you're young that you can't really do as you age without looking ridiculous. It's kind of cruel to want to make someone look foolish.


Not to mention physical pain as you age. We had some poor woman on here not long ago saying the man folded her up like a lawnchair and wouldn't stop. That's just abuse and also so self-centered, no regard for the other person. Why people stay with someone like that is beyond me.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not to mention physical pain as you age. We had some poor woman on here not long ago saying the man folded her up like a lawnchair and wouldn't stop. That's just abuse and also so self-centered, no regard for the other person. Why people stay with someone like that is beyond me.


It says so much about someone when they don't care about hurting or humiliating someone. The whole "her body belongs to me" is just wrong. It's sick and disgusting.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are so many variables there, though. Someone trying something a time or two and then deciding it's not fun for them or doable is usually more the scenario. No one should have to keep doing things that wear on them over time and were actually never fun for them and keep pretending just to keep the man happy. I don't know any woman who went into marriage thinking that meant she was now obligated to be the husband's sex slave. But I would sure hope he would look at her dead serious and tell her that before she accepts the engagement ring if that is the case. Even then, she probably wouldn't believe it because it's so outlandish.
> 
> A couple might be having less frequent but more exciting sex before moving in together, and then the novelty is bound to wear off over some amount of time. The honeymoon phase just doesn't last for most. And men need to remember most women are simply not as sexual as most men once things settle. Always there are exceptions, and I guess not enough female exceptions to fill the need.
> 
> I would never ever ask a man to perform an act he didn't want to do, and I have told them so. And there's plenty men don't want to do, too. I didn't treat men like chattel and I wouldn't put up with it myself for a minute.


Didn’t see any man here expecting a woman to be a sex slave. I see you took this one to 11 real fast.
So if a man tells a woman prior to marriage that he likes x,y,z she should not believe him because it is outlandish? Outlandish to whom? You? Do you speak for all women? Should all women look at things the way you do?
Not enough women to fill the “needs” of men?

according to this site and observing many posts here by numerous women, I’d say that there are plenty of women out there that enjoy sex and enjoy a wide variety of things in the bedroom.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It says so much about someone when they don't care about hurting or humiliating someone. The whole "her body belongs to me" is just wrong. It's sick and disgusting.


There surely were early warning signs the guy was sick before it got to the marriage and having kids part. But everyone is different and some people just can't fathom someone could have bad intentions only because they've never known anyone with them their whole lives.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are so many variables there, though. Someone trying something a time or two and then deciding it's not fun for them or doable is usually more the scenario. No one should have to keep doing things that wear on them over time and were actually never fun for them and keep pretending just to keep the man happy. I don't know any woman who went into marriage thinking that meant she was now obligated to be the husband's sex slave. But I would sure hope he would look at her dead serious and tell her that before she accepts the engagement ring if that is the case. Even then, she probably wouldn't believe it because it's so outlandish.
> 
> A couple might be having less frequent but more exciting sex before moving in together, and then the novelty is bound to wear off over some amount of time. The honeymoon phase just doesn't last for most. And men need to remember most women are simply not as sexual as most men once things settle. Always there are exceptions, and I guess not enough female exceptions to fill the need.
> 
> I would never ever ask a man to perform an act he didn't want to do, and I have told them so. And there's plenty men don't want to do, too. I didn't treat men like chattel and I wouldn't put up with it myself for a minute.


I know my point of view is influenced by the fact that I wouldn't say no to anything my wife wanted to do, short of involving other people. I'm also influenced by my wife's behavior as well. She has sexual activities that are a hard no for her and I don't push beyond an occasionally jest if it fits the situation. That list has gotten smaller over the years and nothing that we did in the past has come off the list. 

That just feels so natural to me. I struggle to understand why someone would go from engaging in something that obviously gave them great pleasure, often, then down the road it becomes a hard no. I can understand in a situation you mentioned where they were doing it, but not really enjoying it. That I can understand hitting the no list. I wonder if some of it is people just not reading their partner very well in the past or one partner doing something they didn't care for, but pretending to. Something like that. 

I agree that no one should be forced into being a sex slave for their partner. That is just plain abuse. I don't think this is what is really happening. As you said in the beginning of your post there are so many variables.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not to mention physical pain as you age. We had some poor woman on here not long ago saying the man folded her up like a lawnchair and wouldn't stop. That's just abuse and also so self-centered, no regard for the other person. Why people stay with someone like that is beyond me.


That isn't a man, that is a piece of garbage and is way, way out of the norm.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There surely were early warning signs the guy was sick before it got to the marriage and having kids part. But everyone is different and some people just can't fathom someone could have bad intentions only because they've never known anyone with them their whole lives.


Well and so many people, men and women, get in these bad spots with abusive spouses and they just don't get out of them. We (H and I) were just talking about a friend in a toxic marriage, he is afraid to leave his kids with her and if he divorces her he knows she'll do everything she can to keep him from his kids. She was one of those that was really nice and accommodating until after the wedding and it's been the "ThunderCount" show ever since the honeymoon was over. She's horrible.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I know my point of view is influenced by the fact that I wouldn't say no to anything my wife wanted to do, short of involving other people. I'm also influenced by my wife's behavior as well. She has sexual activities that are a hard no for her and I don't push beyond an occasionally jest if it fits the situation. That list has gotten smaller over the years and nothing that we did in the past has come off the list.
> 
> That just feels so natural to me. I struggle to understand why someone would go from engaging in something that obviously gave them great pleasure, often, then down the road it becomes a hard no. I can understand in a situation you mentioned where they were doing it, but not really enjoying it. That I can understand hitting the no list. I wonder if some of it is people just not reading their partner very well in the past or one partner doing something they didn't care for, but pretending to. Something like that.
> 
> I agree that no one should be forced into being a sex slave for their partner. That is just plain abuse. I don't think this is what is really happening. As you said in the beginning of your post there are so many variables.


Glad we agree. Some things are more chores to different people than others. Some things are just not mutually pleasurable and I think women get the lion's share of that. They get more mature, they stop doing stuff they don't enjoy because they get some self-respect. 

And then since we have a lot of older people on here, literally, some things become painful as we age, all kinds of ways from arthritis to leg or foot cramps to hips aching, to not being able to even stand to kneel on your own knees for any reason to prolapses and vaginal walls thinning and becoming painful and sometimes even rupturing. And there are changes for some women after birth that can cause problems. I just don't see an excuse to put one's own sexual preferences so high on priority that it is a chore or painful or both to your spouse. Again, the woman needs to communicate this stuff, and that's not easy. You heard the one on here last week with prolapses finding her husband demanding PIV sex even after she told him she was prolapsed. He might have f'ing put her in the hospital if he had proceeded, plus does he have no empathy for how much this wife doesn't even want him to SEE that? 

Some people are sensitive and considerate -- some aren't.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddy, you might hesitate before you let your wife put a clamp or clothespin on one of your testicles. Just sayin. Men try that crap with women, you know, in sensitive places, plural.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> There really are just two options. Accept your partner's boundaries and move on, or find someone who is more sexually compatible.


Some people change over time as do their sexual proclivities, so for such people it isn't they don't always settle for the binary choice as quoted above.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> BigDaddy, you might hesitate before you let your wife put a clamp or clothespin on one of your testicles. Just sayin. Men try that crap with women, you know, in sensitive places, plural.


He might not hesitate at all.

My wife will use pegs (clothespins) on my nipples, 'cause fun.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> He might not hesitate at all.
> 
> My wife will use pegs (clothespins) on my nipples, 'cause fun.


I figured. But a lot of guys wouldn't do that. Not judging.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> BigDaddy, you might hesitate before you let your wife put a clamp or clothespin on one of your testicles. Just sayin. Men try that crap with women, you know, in sensitive places, plural.


Even though that makes me wince a bit at the first thought, I still think I would give it the old college try, lol. If it was something she wanted to experiment with I would consider it. I also know that if we did and I didn't like it she would be done with it. 

It makes me laugh imagining my wife coming at me with a clothes pins. 🤣


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Even though that makes me wince a bit at the first thought, I still think I would give it the old college try, lol. If it was something she wanted to experiment with I would consider it. I also know that if we did and I didn't like it she would be done with it.
> 
> It makes me laugh imagining my wife coming at me with a clothes pins. 🤣


Clothespins aren't very strong. You might be able to handle it. Toothy clamps, though....I think you'd say nah. I know I would. 

I'm not sure that's an image you want in your head, your wife trying something like that, which is another thing to consider.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are so many variables there, though. Someone trying something a time or two and then deciding it's not fun for them or doable is usually more the scenario. No one should have to keep doing things that wear on them over time and were actually never fun for them and keep pretending just to keep the man happy.


I agree, doing something sexual that someone has no desire to do, just to keep someone happy is a surefire recipe for a big dose of misery.



> I don't know any woman who went into marriage thinking that meant she was now obligated to be the husband's sex slave. But I would sure hope he would look at her dead serious and tell her that before she accepts the engagement ring if that is the case. Even then, she probably wouldn't believe it because it's so outlandish.


I can't imagine the sexual things that I wouldn't have married my wife for, being a conversation prior to marriage. Since they were things that my wife already did, with enthusiasm and very frequently as well. Which have remained thus, through our subsequent time together.

As to it being outlandish, my wife shares my approach. She asked me out on a date at work, because she found the man she was sharing a sexual relationship with, somewhat disappointing sexually.

As to this current discussion topic, my wife said she thinks it is perfectly reasonable that I wouldn't have married her, if she wasn't into sharing ABC and a number of other letter as well. She also reminded me that she doesn't always swallow and I agreed with her, and then said I really enjoy splattering her face, and watching her slowly drool it out onto her tits.



> A couple might be having less frequent but more exciting sex before moving in together, and then the novelty is bound to wear off over some amount of time. The honeymoon phase just doesn't last for most. And men need to remember most women are simply not as sexual as most men once things settle. Always there are exceptions, and I guess not enough female exceptions to fill the need.


We were effectively living together for two years before we got married, although for a big chunk of that I technically had an address two doors up from her place (although I never slept there on any occasion).

And so far, the novelty still hasn't worn off yet.



> I would never ever ask a man to perform an act he didn't want to do, and I have told them so. And there's plenty men don't want to do, too.


I also wouldn't want anyone to do anything sexually, that I knew they didn't want to do. Which is hardly a surprise since that probably covers most people.



> I didn't treat men like chattel and I wouldn't put up with it myself for a minute.


I don't treat anyone like they're chattel, and that especially includes my wife. Since she is an autonomous individual who can and does do as she pleases.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm glad you found someone like-minded so you're not out there frightening the ladies still looking! Certainly, there are some very adventurous women out there. Just apparently not nearly as much as men.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm glad you found someone like-minded so you're not out there frightening the ladies still looking! Certainly, there are some very adventurous women out there. Just apparently not nearly as much as men.


Thanks, I would hate to be frightening anyone.

Cheers.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

As so many have discussed things change throughout the relationship. Goals, hopes dreams and yes, sexual preferences and desires. Change is constant and inevitable. Especially with the onset of aging. There are just certain positions that will be very uncomfortable and down right painful now, that weren't in younger years. The wife and I wish to continue of physical intimacy as long as we can. So we are seriously looking to get another water bed. The comfort of the heat is great. Also it is supportive with lessing of pressure on areas of the body, such as knees, elbows, neck, back and the hips. It certainly eases being in standard positions for sure and an added benifits, it requires less energy to keep the motion going!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well and there is stuff we could do when we were young that we can't really do as we age without looking ridiculous. It's kind of cruel to want to make someone look foolish.


One of my jobs as a SO is to help my partner to not have body issues. We're not in our 20s anymore. So? I still find her attractive and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual.

I basically come from the complete opposite perspective. As we get older, I feel like we should shed the shame and insecurity that would make us feel this way, especially in the presence / company of someone we care about and trust.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TinyTbone said:


> As so many have discussed things change throughout the relationship. Goals, hopes dreams and yes, sexual preferences and desires. Change is constant and inevitable. Especially with the onset of aging. There are just certain positions that will be very uncomfortable and down right painful now, that weren't in younger years. The wife and I wish to continue of physical intimacy as long as we can. So we are seriously looking to get another water bed. The comfort of the heat is great. Also it is supportive with lessing of pressure on areas of the body, such as knees, elbows, neck, back and the hips. It certainly eases being in standard positions for sure and an added benifits, it requires less energy to keep the motion going!


If you get arthritis very bad you'll never be able to get up out of a waterbed. Have you tried an adjustable bed? They have King ones that each person can adjust their own side. I have an adjustable bed and it actually did help my hip pain when sleeping a little bit and I can mostly just leave it in one position but if I need a change I can do that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Hiner112 said:


> One of my jobs as a SO is to help my partner to not have body issues. We're not in our 20s anymore. So? I still find her attractive and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual.
> 
> I basically come from the complete opposite perspective. As we get older, I feel like we should shed the shame and insecurity that would make us feel this way, especially in the presence / company of someone we care about and trust.


We should but the sad truth is that not everyone does still find each other attractive at that age. I kind of saw how that went with my parents. He would make enough comments about how young women looked or women on TV to make any older woman feel insecure about her looks and sexual appeal. You can't really hide your true feelings when you have been married for that long so it sort of takes a special person who always hits the right note to keep things optimal.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If you get arthritis very bad you'll never be able to get up out of a waterbed. Have you tried an adjustable bed? They have King ones that each person can adjust their own side. I have an adjustable bed and it actually did help my hip pain when sleeping a little bit and I can mostly just leave it in one position but if I need a change I can do that.


You must be thinking of those water beds from the 60's and 70's that your hippie musician friends were using. You know, the one with the lava lamp on the night stand next to it. Lol

They've come a long way and you can get ones that aren't like trying to climb out of a swimming pool.

Side story. The first piece of furniture my future wife and I bought together was a queen size full wave waterbed. I was only 17 and she had just moved in with me at my parents house. It replaced the twin bed I had been sleep in since i was little. I guess this set the tone for the future of our relationship. We both knew what the most important piece of furniture was. Lol


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You must be thinking of those water beds from the 60's and 70's that your hippie musician friends were using. You know, the one with the lava lamp on the night stand next to it. Lol
> 
> They've come a long way and you can get ones that aren't like trying to climb out of a swimming pool.
> 
> Side story. The first piece of furniture my future wife and I bought together was a queen size full wave waterbed. I was only 17 and she had just moved in with me at my parents house. It replaced the twin bed I had been sleep in since i was little. I guess this set the tone for the future of our relationship. We both knew what the most important piece of furniture was. Lol


I don't know what they have for waterbeds these days but I always found it hard to get in and out of any of them. Of course the early ones were like trying to climb out of a swimming pool. But then the next generation had stiffer corners and I still had trouble getting out of them.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I've had both, queen size when single...those that had no baffles - man what a wavy and too soft at times, and too rythm-absorbing hard too tough to thrust or go hard and deep fast....if you didn't match the waves' resonance it was like a third person! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The one with baffles, waveless, was great.

In the winter the bed heater was great, for both. Nice and warm.

But that was long ago. I'm sure water beds have improved a lot.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Personal said:


> Some people change over time as do their sexual proclivities, so for such people it isn't they don't always settle for the binary choice as quoted above.


Some being the operative word. 

Personally, I would never get involved with someone whose sexual desires were vastly different from mine in the hopes they'll change over time. That seems like a recipe for disaster.


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