# I'm Broken



## lillozza (Jan 9, 2016)

Hiya! I've been married for 19 months to an American guy who I thought was the greatest guy ever (and a part of me still does). I'm British and have been back in the UK for over a month after a huge relationship breakdown in the states. 

We met 3.5 years ago through mutual friends and at the time was so carefree and gave the appearance of success. I was hooked. He'd fly over all the time to come see me. Then I flew over there 8 months later to see his life over there. I quit my job and went freelance. My choice and I loved it. Over the next 18 ish months i'd be coming back n forth to see him n visca versa for him. He proposed in my fav place in London. We married in 2014 and things then started to change. He barely worked the whole time i've known him. The only job he held down was for 4 months then the company got acquired. Since then he'd been doing odd jobs for his dad (owns his own business). Not making much. 

I was in the U.S. and wanted to start a life with him, needed my visa paperwork to be filed. He left it to the day before I flew out and then told me I gave him the 'wrong papers'. I was in London working sending him bits of money for the lawyer and little bits of cash for things. 

I then flew to Australia to work for two months as he kept telling me he 'wasn't ready' for me to come over. I always wanted to go Oz, so I did. I managed to save a decent amount of money while over there and decided to keep it for when we move to L.A. together.

I fly to U.S. we move to L.A. he isn't working or applying for jobs. Im paying for everything. All while the visa paperwork hasn't been submitted. It's not long until all my money I saved had gone.

The phone gets cut off, the apartment people are threatening us with eviction. To top it off we have his lay about cousin crashing on the sofa I bought. The only calls I get from his family is complaining to me about there being no money and how I need to go back to England (his family aren't the nicest to me). 

My parents flew over to L.A. for thanksgiving for a week. I was so embarrassed to show them my apartment. It was full of his boxes from his mum's house. 

The majority of the time we were in L.A. 3 months, he spent sleeping all day in bed and running away from his problems. I paid for him to see a doctor and his pills. He has ADD. That didn't help him self motivate to get applying for jobs.

I couldn't take it anymore. I left with my parents. I've got a flat in London and a great job too. He hasn't communicated with me for over 5 weeks. I've tried: calls, emails, letters etc nothing. Tried calling today, the phone has been cut off.

My question is do I just cut him off or do I go over there and demand he get therapy and help for his clear depression? I've been depressed so I don't really know how ad it is. His family are useless, not helpful people. His mum is an alcoholic and his dad is obsessed with money. They're divorced. Something I think that affected him from a young age.

:frown2:


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

I'll apologize on behalf of American men.

But I think you got wrapped up in a romance that seemed exciting but did not have enough reality in it to make good choices. 

Also he might have ADD and severe depression. But more likely he is a marginal, shiftless, and unmotivated loser who needs to lose a few people like you before he pulls his head out of his butt. Frankly you have not known him long enough to tell how much of this mental illness and how much of it is just him being a shiftless loser.

You are clearly none of these things and you deserve better. moreover , you can't rescue people that do not want to be rescued. Learn from this and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why was his family complaining to you about money?

I agree with the above post. You got caught up in a long distance romance. It was not until you got there and saw him in his real life that you found out what he is really like. What you saw when you were living with him is who is really is. The guy who came to visit you in the UK? That's only what he is like when he is having a lot of fun.. it is not the real him.

You are a smart, motivated woman. Don't waste your time with a man who is basically a free loading looser.

Do not go back and try to fix him. That's not a girl friend or a wife's job. You need to take care of yourself and not be dragged down into his depression and slothful life.

You say that you are depressed. Of course you are. Look what he put you through. Look at the huge disappointment he visited upon you. Take care of yourself. File for divorce. Get free of him. Take time to heal.

And next time. Do not go for long distance relationships. It takes living in the same town with someone, seeing them often for 2 years to know if they are a good candidate for marriage.

.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

lillozza said:


> Hiya! I've been married for 19 months to an American guy who I thought was the greatest guy ever (and a part of me still does). I'm British and have been back in the UK for over a month after a huge relationship breakdown in the states.
> 
> We met 3.5 years ago through mutual friends and at the time was so carefree and gave the appearance of success. I was hooked. He'd fly over all the time to come see me. Then I flew over there 8 months later to see his life over there. I quit my job and went freelance. My choice and I loved it. Over the next 18 ish months i'd be coming back n forth to see him n visca versa for him. He proposed in my fav place in London. We married in 2014 and things then started to change. He barely worked the whole time i've known him. The only job he held down was for 4 months then the company got acquired. Since then he'd been doing odd jobs for his dad (owns his own business). Not making much.
> 
> ...


Stay in England and NEVER call or contact him again.
You deserve MUCH better than this!


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

You dodged a bullet there. An expensive but valuable lesson. 

Wave b'bye to the loser and move on.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

A man that isn't motivated enough to secure gainful employment to care for the family he tried to create with you -is merely a boy. 

You aren't broken -you are an escapee. Be happy for that


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

I agree with all the above but in addition you say you are married. You are legally on the hook for any debts he incurs while you are married. So it's not just as simple as walking away and not returning.

I doubt you could be extradited but if he racks up debt you could get caught up when you come visit, for whatever reason, or to sort things out. You need to get divorced asap. 

Where did you get married?


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## lillozza (Jan 9, 2016)

Thank you all for being so lovely about it all. Some people have been very cutting with this and have in return made me feel incredibly lonely. We got married in San Diego. He isn't accumulating debts in theory, his dad is paying for him now. So he simply owes his dad.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

As long as you're married, you are on the hook in the us for his debt. File for divorce immediately or you'll regret it. Do some research on this so you don't have to take my word for it. You may want to come back to the us someday.
Divorce, never look back. He's not what you u thought. A scam artist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Contact a lawyer and cut him out of your life. Make a better choice next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

Do you love him? It sounds like the two of you could do better in the UK. Sounds like he needs to get away from his family, this could be a phase, or it could be who he really is, you would know more than we could.

If it were my husband I would have dragged him with me and helped him sort his life out. 

A lot of guys might need some coaching in order to become responsible men. It sounds like he needs help, it is up to you if you want to take on that burden. My experience is that people live up to their expectations, if you have faith in him and build him up you might succeed. I believe in peoples ability to change, but he might be a lost cause. It is up to you. But the chances of success is much greater in your country where you have a support system and he is away from his familys negative influence. Good luck which ever you choose.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

you are certainly not broken...

far from it.


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## plomito (Apr 7, 2015)

i'll say quick " MOVE ON" don't look back.


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## WtfamI (Jan 19, 2016)

Omg I'm sooo sorry for your situation and it's crazy that I'm dealing with the exact same stuff!! Only difference is I'm an American and he's a Britt! And he lives with his mama! Lol Let their parents finish raising them! Took me 10 years before I realized it was bs! Almost sucked me dry financially....good luck


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