# porn in marriage ok on nokay



## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

just wanted to know how some wifes feel about hubands watching porn because you "don't look sexually desirable to husband?" 

and MEN is it ok if your wife watches porn if you're not sexually desirable to her?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I don't like the way you phrased this.

The porn hee is ntot he problem...

You clearly state, you ahve lost sexual interest in your spouse and you wish to watch porn to fill in that "gap"

That doesn't work, that is like saying, Is it ok to screw your neighbors wife becuase she is attractive and your wife isn't.....not going to work.

If you do not find your spouse attractive, then you should get divorced and move on, let them find someone that loves them for who they are and find them sexually attractive.

Filling the void with something else, will not work, nor should it be a "band-aid" to a marriage problem.


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## JasonL115 (Apr 27, 2009)

This is more of an argument starter that is guaranteed not to reveal anything new or enlightening.

If you want to see how polarizing this question is, just go to Google and type in "husband prefers porn" and you will have a whole day's reading ahead of you.


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

ok well my question is ...if basically the husband and wife are still having sex and getting off but they prefer to watch porn because they lust more for that type of person than for you...


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Speaking as a guy.... My wife and i tried watching it many years ago, before we were married...

I will admitt it may of aroused up us a bit... It was soft, soft, soft porn...
But after one try we never watched another one like it... As a guy I have never been to a strip club.... My choice my wife said I can go anytime but I choose not to.. Why tip a lady for taking her clothes off or dances in front of you??? You can't do anything to her if you wanted....

I always respected my wife not to go.... as it's her I would want to see naked on a pole LOL....

Speaking as a guy in my honest opinion only I don't think feel porn is good for a marriage.... but this is my opinion...

Is it the look of your spouse thats the real problem or visa versa?? You both could not have married each other if you both felt each was attractive right???


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## valium (Sep 22, 2008)

I do not think it is good for a marriage either. My husband wants me to take toys to my work and when in by myself play with myself and phone him. I have told him I do not want to do this but he keeps at me.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Roger, did you steal my identity?

I have never gone to a strip club for 2 reasons. Moral reasons and financial. Why pay that much money (cover charges to get in the door, 2 drink minimums, and dances/tips) just to see a woman naked that you can't touch? I can see my wife naked for free and I can touch her.

My wife and I also have watched some VERY soft erotic movies (really no lower nudity at all) and while we like it, we hardly ever do it anymore. 

I also believe that porn is destructive to a marriage 9 times out of 10.


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

now why can't y husband think like you all...that sucks...he doen't see the problem with it... and swears i'm acting way to harshly about it...but i feel as if he is lusting on other women and is watching it because he wishes i had a body like that then why would he bother marrying me..especially if you'd rather be intimate with someone that looks like i never will...ad im not FAT im overweight but i carry my weight well and im not ugly by any means...but he has told me im not sexually attractive to him and he just gets off better watching porn...

am i really that bad off?


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

you can go to my profile to see a pic...


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

This article may give you some things to think about. You can print it out and show him.

How much porn is too much porn, and who gets to decide? The amount of anxiety about porn watching in our culture is staggering, but it’s a reasonable response to the hyper-conservative sexual climate we find ourselves in at the beginning of the 21st century. 

We are simultaneously offered easy access to an endless stream of pornographic images and preached to by media, self-proclaimed experts, and former porn lovers that porn will be our downfall. So a question like this makes perfect sense. 

Let’s start by clearing the scientific air about porn and health. There is absolutely nothing “unhealthy” or abnormal with watching porn in and of itself. As long as we’re talking about legal adult movies, and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherent in pornography that makes it bad. This doesn’t mean people don’t use porn in unhealthy ways; some people indeed become obsessive about it. But people do this with drugs, work, even sports, and we don’t consider those things “evil” (well, some of us do, I guess). 

Sex therapist Marty Klein who has written about the problems with the idea of “porn addiction” says that no one in a healthy sexual relationship would consistently choose to watch porn instead of being intimate with an available and interested partner. If this is the case for you, then, yes, there probably is a problem. But the problem may be more about the relationship than the porn. 

Try to imagine the situation if it wasn't porn, but something else, like hanging out with friends. If your partner was doing that to the point that you felt left out, wouldn’t you talk to them about that? Porn should be no different. 

Also, it's important to take some time to consider your own feelings about porn. Is it something you are interested in at all? If you are you may just need some tips on choosing the right porn. If you are not interested in making porn a part of your sexual relationship, are you OK with your partner still watching it sometimes? If it feels absolutely wrong to you, can you explain why to your partner? 

You need to also talk to your partner without judgment. Can you ask what they like about porn? Is it the fantasy? Are there things they see that they want the two of you to try? Is it boredom or habit? Is it an escape? 

If you can honestly (and again, without judgment) share with each other your feelings about porn and porn watching, you may find this sexual worry goes away. Or you may also reach an impasse and not know where to take it. 

Sexuality is so complicated and it goes so deep, that it is unlikely we will ever share all our partners’ sexual interests. To some extent, being in a relationship is about compromise, and this may be a time when one or both of you will have to meet somewhere in the middle. 

If you find yourself unable to work it through alone, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor or sex therapist who could help untangle some of the issues and create a safe space for you both to talk.


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## peaches (Apr 26, 2009)

I've seen this a few times on this forum--it's NOT ok. I can't believe men are actually stupid enough to say this to their wives. I wouldn't be having sex w/ my husband if he said that to me-or if I even thought he felt that way. 
He's saying that you're all he's got so he'll use your body to get off while imagining he's with the girl in the film-you've got to be nuts to accept that.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Happy,

I would like to dissent on one thing in that article.

It compares watching porn too much to going out with your friends too much. Going out with my friends too much, while taking time away from my wife/family just like looking at too much port would, does NOT leave my wife with a feeling of inadequacy like porn does.

Sure, she may emotionally think "man, he likes his friends more than me" but in most women's minds, as my wife's, that isn't half as bad as "man, he would rather have sex with that woman than me".

Whether their thinking is on target or not, that's what will go through the head of most women if their husband is viewing porn "he must want her more than he does me".

I refuse to put my wife through that, I'd rather her KNOW that she is the only one for me.

So, that is why, for me, porn is wrong in a marriage.

I'm not saying I'm right for everyone, its just my opinion.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

I understand and believe porn is no good for a marriage. I use to view allot and embarrassed to say masturbated allot to porn. What I did was stop both. I no longer masturbate and that stops my need for porn. My sexual outlet is my wife. She loves the extra attention.

I am open minded enough that if your both comfortable with watching porn and you share it together I dont think its all bad. I know of a few couples that watch it and make it work in their marriage. I was a pornaholic so that means no porn for me. It is different for me. I have to avoid it. I abused it. There are married guys at work that can watch it take it or leave it and I dont think its that bad of a thing for them.

I think each couple has to decide where they stand on it and agree with the person that enjoys it the least. my 2 cents not anyone elese.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Roger, did you steal my identity?
> 
> I have never gone to a strip club for 2 reasons. Moral reasons and financial. Why pay that much money (cover charges to get in the door, 2 drink minimums, and dances/tips) just to see a woman naked that you can't touch? I can see my wife naked for free and I can touch her.
> 
> ...


LOL Nope revitalizedhusband

Though i am glad to see other guys think that way, I started to think I was not normal or something LOL...

eaustin87

Nothing worng with you it's your hubby....I would block the porn so he can't view it at home LOL...But in all seriousness... Maybe
go back to the basics in the bedroom and see what turns him on???


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Best thing you can tell your husband ,dressed in a sexy outfit.

" Baby I am the only porn star you will ever need. Those girls can not do to you the things I can do." ( Then I am sure you can take it from there). :smthumbup:


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

riiight my husband would tell me to stop actin funny and put some clothes on


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