# So Lonely



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I really miss the cuddling at night with my ex girlfriend. I am so lonely right now. For all the problems we had we only once didnt spoon each other at night once we lived together. I always liked spooning women previously but didn't care to be spooned. Once I met my ex girlfriend she would spoon me and I loved it. She would literally calm me heart rate down.

Now my ex is already dating someone else and it sucks that someone else is cuddling with her the way I did. 

Its not just the actual companionship with just anyone it was the intimacy we had or so I thought. Just kills me to know she moved on so quickly or at least filled the void so she didn't have to deal with pain of broken two year relationship. 

I feel like im a great guy and not the normal idiot out there but been unlucky in love. Wish I just could well my heart up


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You know, foolscotton has a point. Get yourself a dog. If you can deal with the puppy it's great. if not, then adopt a dog that it a bit older and already potty trained.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Sounds like you aren't doing enough to keep yourself busy.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Tonight I am weak. The thoughts of my kids are only thing keeping me going. I just watched my team beat Kentucky and I watched it all by myself. The pain is overwhelming. This hurts more than my divorce. She's dating again and I can't stop thinking of her. There are negatives but my heart feels addicted to her. I dont want to have to start all over again with someone else again. I feel like I wouldn't be able to do it. I think my ex might have had bpd which seems why im so stuck on the over the top good times. Ugh I hurt


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> Tonight I am weak. The thoughts of my kids are only thing keeping me going. I just watched my team beat Kentucky and I watched it all by myself. The pain is overwhelming. This hurts more than my divorce. She's dating again and I can't stop thinking of her. There are negatives but my heart feels addicted to her. I dont want to have to start all over again with someone else again. I feel like I wouldn't be able to do it. I think my ex might have had bpd which seems why im so stuck on the over the top good times. Ugh I hurt


Seriously, you need to get busy. If you do not have enough to keep you busy check out Find your people - Meetup Here where I lives there are about 500 different meetup groups who do really cool things. They announce their meetups and you just go join them.

Look for a chapter of "Parents Without Partners" in your area. They have a website. But a lot of the local groups are just using meetup.com to let people know when they have events.

They do a lot of things where a parents and the children attend.. like barbeques, trips to museums, etc. and they have get-togethers for the divorced/single parents to get out and do things.

Are you going to get a dog? If you do, take it to training classes and dog parks. These are great ways to meet women and other men who are active.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

PWD....... you told me your back story with her. She will NEVER change.

She was wrapped up very pretty but when you opened up the package

all you found was dry ice and food Peg Bundy cooked in 1989.

Her behavior will cycle..... bet the farm. She disrespected you.

She disrespected your kids. GTFAFH...... I don't care if you had the bankroll of

Warren Buffet and the body of a Chip n Dale, you had maybe a 1% chance of making 

it with her. Post more details of what occurred and let others tell you 

the same thing. Your ex gf has more issues than Sports Illustrated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Proud, I sympathize. 

To this day, I have not found anyone who I have enjoyed cuddling more than my ex-husband. Idk if it's how our bodies fit o just the fact that he'd hold me but I really liked it. I've since had a guy that was always so sweaty it turned me off, and another who likd to jam a pillow between us saying how it was his favorite pillow/he liked the softness (um, what about my soft a$$? lol). 

You keep your head up and don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal to miss intimate moments like this but eventually you're gonna meet someone to cuddle with and like it. 

On a related note, a cuddling salon (yes, a real one) is opening in Virginia soon. $60 of cuddling for 60 minutes: 

Home


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> another who likd to jam a pillow between us saying how it was his favorite pillow/he liked the softness (um, what about my soft a$$? lol).


I would be asking the same question. My XW and I were cuddlers. Every

night (until her animal attachment kicked in) her legs would kick between mine

(scissors) and that was how we drifted off. The cuddle time on a spring Sunday 

afternoon while a baseball game was on... window open.... yeah I miss those.

UG.... my ex g/f.... not into cuddling. Would kiss me and turn her back to me.

This was the case even after sex. Major reason I would get up from the bed

after she went to sleep.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

proudwidaddy said:


> Tonight I am weak. The thoughts of my kids are only thing keeping me going. I just watched my team beat Kentucky and I watched it all by myself. The pain is overwhelming. This hurts more than my divorce. She's dating again and I can't stop thinking of her. There are negatives but my heart feels addicted to her. I dont want to have to start all over again with someone else again. I feel like I wouldn't be able to do it. I think my ex might have had bpd which seems why im so stuck on the over the top good times. Ugh I hurt


proudwidaddy, 
What's bothering you more - the fact that she moved on so quickly, or the fact that you're lonely? I know you're still into your ex-girlfriend emotionally, but you need to try to step back and see things a little more dispassionately. What I mean is this - how could it be so easy for her to move on so quickly? There's a huge disparity in the way you're feeling vs. the way we're guessing she felt about you, so step back and figure out why that is. Was this your first relationship after your divorce?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Lloyd Dobler said:


> proudwidaddy,
> What's bothering you more - the fact that she moved on so quickly, or the fact that you're lonely? I know you're still into your ex-girlfriend emotionally, but you need to try to step back and see things a little more dispassionately. What I mean is this - how could it be so easy for her to move on so quickly? There's a huge disparity in the way you're feeling vs. the way we're guessing she felt about you, so step back and figure out why that is. Was this your first relationship after your divorce?


your avatar takes me back in time. Awesome!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Lloyd even a week after we broke up ex gf was saying how I was her one love forever when we broke up she said she felt rejected and she liked the attention and validation she got. Ill post more later but I think my ex gf is bipolar a bit so her running to someone else is because she doesnt know how to be alone. We went thru multiple break ups and get back together especially after we moved in together. She had anxiety issues and she delt wjth it by drinking and towards the end she would hide her drinking. When things were good it was amazing. It felt like nothing else. She was so affectionate, couldn't get enough of me, when it was bad it was all walking on eggshells. She had a quick temper. She never understood the dynamics of me being a dad. When we would argue especially after shed beem drinking she woulf name call me all the time, throw things from our past or even my past marriage in the argument. The one thing that seemed consistent was our sex life. She never held it back because she loved sex like me. The difference is I felt I could be so open and explore all our desires because I still had mad love for her. She would always tell me how I was the best boyfriend she had (she was 32). Her family even said I was the best she dates. She told me how she felt so lucky to have found me that no matter where we went I was the most attractive man in the room. Said I was the best lover she had. Yes she put me on a pedestal when she was happy then when she was mad she would get mad over the littlest thing that normal people wouldnt get mad about. She was passive agressive in how she reacted to me. If she started somethinglike an argument shed makr herself out to be the victim. We didnt break up over my looks or how I treated her. Even after we broke up she said she knows she probably wont find someone that treated her as good or kind. She even acknowledged that she nagged me and said maybe if she hadn't been so controlling things would be different. But with all the break ups, the fights, the drinking, the way I jad to lie to my kids when she was mad or stormed off or drank too much jt destroyed my confidence in who I am. I used to think she was my best friend. We had so many talks at first. Once we moved in it all changed. She couldn't deal with anxiety or only wanted to be around mu kids (which I had three nights a week) when she could handle it. Plus she always wanted more just her and I time not blend the kids time. She said she loved them but actions changed. Whats sad is my eight year old daughter still misses her. Oh at the same time I lost my job. Since we broke up I had to move in with my parents to get back on ny feet which has me further away from my kids. I miss my kids. When the pressure hits thats when I feel like I miss my ex gf. She would always be there to pick me up when I was down. Ive never really relied on myself. 

So maybe all that and the bond I felt we had when things were good, the cuddling and netflix and spooning and physical intimacy and sex makes me mad that she could just date again. Makes me wonder if she is acting normal right now with this guy. Doing all those things that I thought I brought out of her because I was special and loved her.

I miss coming home to that special someone but now it all seemed so fake. 

I wish I could look in the mirror and see that handsome awesome man and father that I used to feel like. 

So maybe im jealous and lonely because I thoig jt I gave her something that was good. Something she couldn't just move on so quickly from while still living in the apartment we shared. 

I wonder if she has a subconscious script she goes from, was any of it she said to me real? Did I make her feel that special when I loves her and spent time with her family and layed at night with her head on my chest. The way she calmed me down felt magical. Now all those memories torment me.

Im afraid to trust and really be open to love again. I feel worthless and alone and lonely and im 37 living at my parents with no job even though ive applied to over thirty already. And the woman I thought I loved and though that loved me has moved on as if the two years we had including living together for seven months with my kids, she's moved on like it was nothing and is probably telling herself how happier she is. I hate my heart and my mind and I hate that I got fooled into loving this succubus


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Also I had a pretty sexless marriage so the fact that I had a great sexual relationship with her. We allowed each other to open up and try things. Again I thought it was because of how I made her feel how I turned her on and just connected with her. That was special to me.

So many things still remind me of her and those memories are painful. She once told me that shr didnt care if we ever got married she just wanted to grow old with me.

If this was an act it messed me up big time. I still feel like ptsd symptoms when I see her name or the thought of possibly running into her in the future evem though that will be rare.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Proud,

I've known you/been reading you for what 3 almost 4 years? We both joined around the same time. First, I'm sorry it did not work out for you and the gf, however there were red flags from the start, if you remember. My best recollection was that you were pretty much feeling the same as you are right now, when your exw left. Feeling very sorry for yourself, whoa as me, my life is shattered, constant pining over the ex. Looking for validation from other women, about how you look and how desirable you are. You pretty much jumped in with the first girl post-D that you really hit it off with, ignoring the red flags.

I realize you hurt, we all hurt when a relationship ends but clearly you are putting waaaay to much of your self worth into your relationship. Truth is Proud, we were all like that at the time with our ex spouses. The difference is Proud is that we have been learning and growing from our experiences post-D, not stuck exactly where we were 3 yrs ago.

I get it Proud my first post-D relationship lasted a year and was devastated when it ended, took it much harder than the end of my marriage actually. Why did it hurt so bad? because I jumped in too soon after D. I didn't take the time to make myself first. I put all in to this relationship without making me whole again, and ignored red flags because I wanted something, anything to work. Since then I have learned and continue to learn. 

I took a fair amount of time off from dating (maybe with one or two dates sprinkled in there just for fun ), and just focused on my career, my kid, going out with friends, going to therapy, meeting new people in meetups, figuring out what made ME happy. 

When I did start dating I took what I learned about myself in my time off and made up a list of things important to me in a partner (though this is an ever evolving list). I learned to recognize red flags and most important learned to walk away if they had red flags or were not what I was looking for no matter how good looking or well off or whatever they were.

Proud, relationships in life are never guaranteed... people come and go in life, not just relationships but even friends. So best in life is to make yourself, be happy with yourself, and enjoy the people you meet. Try to learn something from everyone of them, then no relationship is ever a waste of time, and each relationship gets you closer to understanding and bettering yourself.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Plus how crazy she acted at the break up and what she did after. Unsure is right I have to learn how to validate myself and that will take time


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Also if someone wants to prove in their actions they are not worthy of you let them go. Dont fight for one person at the expense of all the great people in your life


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Unsure is right.

...but, also, who cares if she is bipolar?...or borderline?  It helped me to try to stop thinking about what my ex was up to...or who he was dating. Sure, we are all curious.  ..but, really..Who cares if she is dating someone already? It is probably not a wise thing for her to do so quickly after a break up--but why do you care? :scratchhead: 

You have to stop your brain from going there with those thoughts. Try to move the gears forward in a positive direction. 

Try to harness that energy and focus on something more important. ...like gearing yourself up for the Cards to beat the Brewers this week.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

PWD..... always remember... when people show you who they really are.... believe them.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

PWD.... is your thread still on TAM from your D? If it isn't could you give a quick summary?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yes my thread should still be on TAM from my divorce


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Unsure78 made a great point PWD. You know of my situation with UG. Thing is.... I am not responsible for

her actions..... she is. Since the day she moved out...I still stand firm about if she came back like the "UG-

late 2014" I would not want anything to do with her. UG-2013.... we would have a sit-down but.....?

What she did to you during the LTR... it wasn't her first rodeo. If she is around 32 or older.... she 

is not going to change. Her treatment of your kids should have been enough for you to say "GFY."

You're bummed about your job status, staying with parents, harder to see kids.... any other guy would too.

Your mind is searching for anything positive.... and when you and ex g/f first met.... there you go.

Focus on the kids being born, first steps, first words. Are you on good terms with your XW about co-parenting?


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