# Help!!



## sunshine24 (Feb 27, 2009)

I have dated my husband for 5 years and we have been married for almost 2 years. Within the last year the sex in our relationship has really gone down to maybe once a month but now it's been a few months since we last had sex. 

I tried to talk with my husband about this issue and he always says he's just not in the mood. It is really making me feel like he is not attracted to me anymore and that he doesn't want to be with me. This is really hurting our relationship because the feelilng of my husband not wanting me is making me feel angry, hurt, and jealous; causing us to argue more than normal. I don't know what to do, like I said I have tried discussing this issue but my husband doesn't seem to understand how he is making me feel and when we do discuss this issue it either turns into an arguement or my husband just says we are not discussing this and will change the subject. 

How do I get him to open up or what should I do?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

does he say why he doesnt want sex? do you know?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

you say things have changed in the last yr. what changes looking back , do you think have changed?
thinking about you and him, have you changed???????
his work environment, whats H's general emotional condition - things getin to him. 
try and retrace steps from your point of view
what about an affair?/ met someone else.
what happens if you do try it on with him. just do it rather than asking??????? how does he respond????

the trouble is here, you wil have more arguments if you dont try and sort out whats happening and you wil get more lonely and isolated and detached. ask him, if thats what he wants.


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## sunshine24 (Feb 27, 2009)

All he ever says is he's just not in the mood. He use complain about being so stressed out and how he hated his job but in December he got a huge promotion and moved to a new department and now he loves his job so it can't be stress from work any more. 

What I meant about things changing in the last year is I meant our sex life. The only other change besides is job was that he quit smoking in it's been just about a year now. Do you think that could play a factor? I questioned him about if he was cheating on me or into someone else and he said he has no intentions on cheating me nor is he into someone else. He comes home every night and when he goes out he always tells me where he is and if I needed to get a hold of him for whatever reason he always answers so I really don't think it's an affair. 

When I try, he usually just pushes me away.

Usually the only respond for why is because he's just never in the mood. One night we got into an arguement about him receiving naked pictures of girls on his phone (a friend of his is always sending porn pictures through text mail) and I made a big deal about it and he's says I was acting like a teenager (so that is his other excuse). I try explaining to him that I get jealous about and insure about this thing because he is always pushing me away.

I never use to be a jealous person but ever since the sex started to die down I started getting jealous over stupid things because I feel like he would rather look at other women and not attacted to me. I do not want to be one of those jealous wives and get made at my h just for looking.

Thanks.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

n e thing thats a factor is or can be a reason for change.
either way you cant keep being pushed away with repercussions.
i know you meant about the changes in your sex life, but it is the factors that can effect them.
so like to me last yr. H had anti depressive tablets - god he was like a zombie once the drug had really kicked in but it caused impotence - a common side effect. but never the less it affected my emotions and stability in the relationship.
but were back on track at the moment. 
as for the porn on the phone - my H got them. 
i know those feelings to. but his mates usually did it to get to me more.
but i only sussed that out as i sussed out situations.
heres what i did, i just deleted the stuff of his phone. he didnt say one word.


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

I guessing he has a porn problem too?

If so there is a big trend of guys who look at porn becoming completely uninterested in their wives sexually. Usually, it starts because of feeling of resentment or rejection on their part, and soon they are just not as aroused by flesh and blood. If he is getting off to porn and not to you, that is not just looking, that is infidelity.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My h pushed me away a lot when i wanted sex, too. he never would say why he wasnt interesting. he was really distant too. but i put spyware on his computer and found out he was into porn. 

If it is porn, believe me its not a stupid thing to get upset over. I thought i was being the stupid insecure wife, too. I thought i just had low self esteem or something. but porn can destroy the love you two could have. that's why its a big deal, if that's what it is. that love is so much better then porn. its worth fighting for.


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## sunshine24 (Feb 27, 2009)

No, my H is not on any prescriptions. 

Thanks for all the advice. Any advice on how to move forward? Should I try discussing my feelings with him? 

Blanca how did you handle you situation?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sunshine24 said:


> Blanca how did you handle you situation?


huh...well...not very well. I got really, really pissed off. I started making demands, ultimatums, breaking things, verbally abusive. ya, it got ugly. i wanted to feel in control. i wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. i wanted to make him be what i needed. that only got me even angrier. My H didnt care about my demands or ultimatums and my behavior made him withdrawal from me even more. 

so i started going to counseling. my counselor introduced me to boundaries and things really started to change for me. i started reading books about anger and how to control my temper. i started getting back into hobbies of mine and i started coming here, a lot. this forum is unbelievably therapeutic for me. 

Its been a long road, and we just hit another rather disturbing bump in the road. but im ok. im sad but thats ok. its ok to be sad. im not broken because i know my life isnt just about him. i have a lot of other things going for me, other people that care about me.


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## sunshine24 (Feb 27, 2009)

I see, sometimes I feel the same way about wanting him to feel the same way I do but that just never works. I have been feeling more frustrated, angry, hurt lately and decided to look up forums and that's when I came upon this website. I have been reading a lot other posts on similar situations and it's been very helpful to see other situations and read comments to get other point of views.

I am sorry to hear you are going through a rocky time. I hope it gets better


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ya i hope it gets better. but at least i know i'll get better, even if my marriage doesnt.

the sex issue is hard though. it can be unbelievably frustrating. i pretty much killed my libido. i never want sex now. its actually really nice. and i know it helps with my temper. i think having my other hobbies, staying busy, and working out has killed it.


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