# Wife tested for Alzheimer's Disease



## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

My wife and I both very early 60's, married 38 years with one DS 31. We have noticed over the last several years, she would ask and re-ask questions already answered. Finally we were able to get her to a neurologist and have an MRI done. MRI revealed no irregularities. Follow on cognitive tests were done which indicate that she tests as someone with Alzheimer's Disease. The Dr. conducting the test said that my wife was severely depressed and as such he thought may be suffering from what is called pseudo-dementia. This is a condition that looks like A but is actually the brain shutting down due to long term extreme depression. 

There are more than one reasons that I am writing. One, and foremost, I am lost on what and how to help my wife through this sh!t storm she is being dealt. I hate it that 10 months after her mother (whom she cared for post stroke 20 years ago just passed away). She deserves so much more in her life than to be facing such a ****ty prognosis. My hearts just breaks when I look at her. She is at a stage that when she misplaces something, she obsesses about it and we stop everything to find it. She has trouble expressing a preference on where we go to eat or any other preference. I just want to provide her the life she deserves and ensure her later care, if needed, is as good as it gets....

We are believers and are praying and know it will work out but also, looking maybe for someone who has been through this that may have some suggestions and advice as to what I can do for her. 


Thank for letting me vent.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I hope someone with experience with Alzheimer's comes along with helpful advice for you. In the meantime, you can search for help online. There are Alzheimer's organizations and *support groups* to tap into. There's research and development that advise *lifestyle changes* to slow the progression of the disease while she's in this early stage, and there are *medications* that ease the symptoms or slow the progression. There is training to teach you *how to care* for her. You can follow *this portal* to find resources in your area.

I'm sorry to learn of your wife's diagnosis. Alzheimer's is one of the diseases I pray to never experience. I'm sure it's very scary for both of you and hope you're able to find all the help and resources you need.


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## DanBond (Nov 24, 2020)

Are there any clinical trials you can try and enlist her in? I mean there must be something for you to do.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Alzheimer's stages: How the disease progresses


Alzheimer's stages — common behaviors as the disease progresses.




www.mayoclinic.org


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@kgcolonel, I see that you posted in another thread about your wife's Alzheimer's diagnosis. I'm sorry to hear about this. 
I cared for my mother who had Parkinson's Disease and Parkinson's related dementia. She recently passed away. If you would like to let us know how it is going with your wife, I will give you any input that I can.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

kgcolonel said:


> My wife and I both very early 60's, married 38 years with one DS 31. We have noticed over the last several years, she would ask and re-ask questions already answered. Finally we were able to get her to a neurologist and have an MRI done. MRI revealed no irregularities. Follow on cognitive tests were done which indicate that she tests as someone with Alzheimer's Disease. The Dr. conducting the test said that my wife was severely depressed and as such he thought may be suffering from what is called pseudo-dementia. This is a condition that looks like A but is actually the brain shutting down due to long term extreme depression.
> 
> There are more than one reasons that I am writing. One, and foremost, I am lost on what and how to help my wife through this sh!t storm she is being dealt. I hate it that 10 months after her mother (whom she cared for post stroke 20 years ago just passed away). She deserves so much more in her life than to be facing such a ****ty prognosis. My hearts just breaks when I look at her. She is at a stage that when she misplaces something, she obsesses about it and we stop everything to find it. She has trouble expressing a preference on where we go to eat or any other preference. I just want to provide her the life she deserves and ensure her later care, if needed, is as good as it gets....
> 
> ...


So sorry you and W are going through this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Has your wife had help for her long term depression?
I have known quite a few with severe depression but never heard that the brain can shut down. I wonder how that happens.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Before concluding that it's Alzheimer's, did they do blood work and check vitamin levels, and hormones? Something as simple as low vitamin B or high calcium levels can cause all sorts of memory and neurological issues. Untreated thyroid issues, hyperparathyroidism, blood clots, poor oxygen levels, and severe depression can cause these issues.

I really hope the best for you. But I would get a second and even third opinion. Any number of conditions causing neurological symptoms can appear to be Alzheimer's disease.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Before concluding that it's Alzheimer's, did they do blood work and check vitamin levels, and hormones? Something as simple as low vitamin B or high calcium levels can cause all sorts of memory and neurological issues. Untreated thyroid issues, hyperparathyroidism, blood clots, poor oxygen levels, and severe depression can cause these issues.
> 
> I really hope the best for you. But I would get a second and even third opinion. Any number of conditions causing neurological symptoms can appear to be Alzheimer's disease.


Pretty sure they do all that when making a diagnosis. When I took my mom in, they did a cognitive test, then ran a lot of blood work before diagnosing her. She had already been diagnosed with Parkinson's when she had the cognitive testing done.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Cynthia said:


> Pretty sure they do all that when making a diagnosis. When I took my mom in, they did a cognitive test, then ran a lot of blood work before diagnosing her. She had already been diagnosed with Parkinson's when she had the cognitive testing done.


I am just going by the information provided. When it comes to something as serious as this, never just assume. Do your own research, ask questions, get second opinions, etc 

There are a lot of really good doctors out there, but even the best ones misdiagnose from time to time.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am just going by the information provided. When it comes to something as serious as this, never just assume. Do your own research, ask questions, get second opinions, etc
> 
> There are a lot of really good doctors out there, but even the best ones misdiagnose from time to time.


I agree. It's important to cover your bases.


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> So sorry you and W are going through this.


Thank you very much


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

kgcolonel said:


> Thank you very much





Cynthia said:


> @kgcolonel, I see that you posted in another thread about your wife's Alzheimer's diagnosis. I'm sorry to hear about this.
> I cared for my mother who had Parkinson's Disease and Parkinson's related dementia. She recently passed away. If you would like to let us know how it is going with your wife, I will give you any input that I can.


Things are as good as they can be. My mission is to provide as much positive to her life as I possibly can. I can see the progression of the disease in new symptoms....things she's no longer able to do or remember. We are very social and (she has requested that I not tell our friends for fear that they will treat her differently) her symptoms are becoming apparent to our friends. They are very gracious in that they just listen to her stories that have been repeated many times. I now help her with her stories and they recognize this effort that I make to get her thoughts expressed. We are happy and tell each other how much we love each other. 

Probably the hardest things so far was when she told me that when she gets bad, to be sure that I place her in a memory care facility because she wants me to still have a life. I told her that we would cross that bridge when that time came but I didn't want to dwell on what hasn't yet occurred.


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am just going by the information provided. When it comes to something as serious as this, never just assume. Do your own research, ask questions, get second opinions, etc
> 
> There are a lot of really good doctors out there, but even the best ones misdiagnose from time to time.


Thank you both. We have had two neurologists a cognitive psychologist, a neuro psychiatrist and a psychologist. We're down to a very good neurologist, neuro psychiatrist and a psychologist for her. She has asked me if she HAS to do clinical trial or more testing etc. I told her that this was HER life and she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I recommend that you get a vinyl cover for your mattress, then put a waterproof mattress pad over that. If she has an accident, and she eventually will, this will save your mattress. If you get the vinyl type that covers the entire mattress and have a nice mattress pad over it, there won't be any crinkling noise at all. This is the kind I bought. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KDZ431N/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If you have adequate help, you might never need to place her in a facility. I had my mom with me through the entire illness. She passed away at home, with her family. There are some issues with it, but her quality of life was good. She was always with someone who loved her. I had to organize to be able to leave her. My husband, children, niece, and brother were a big help.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

It's obvious that you love your wife very much. Assuming that it is Alzheimer's, do everything you can to treat her and make her comfortable. But don't forget to create lots of pictures, videos, and do as much together as possible. It's easy to get wrapped up in the constant thought of care and medicine.


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

Cynthia said:


> If you have adequate help, you might never need to place her in a facility. I had my mom with me through the entire illness. She passed away at home, with her family. There are some issues with it, but her quality of life was good. She was always with someone who loved her. I had to organize to be able to leave her. My husband, children, niece, and brother were a big help.


That would be my preference however, she has specifically asked that I not tell anyone including her sister, I can't be sure of what type of assistance I'll be able to get other than in-home care which will only be for short respite periods to allow me to get some things taken care of, like groceries, and the like. 

I also question whether or not her sister will be able to handle the management that will be required down the road. Right now, we're doing okay. She is still driving locally however she's becoming more and more insecure with driving and I am monitoring her skills to ensure she doesn't hurt anyone or herself. We're just taking it day by day as we progress down this road. Thank you for all your suggestions and positive thoughts.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I understand that your wife is embarrassed by her condition, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. This is from a disease, not from something she did wrong. What is she seeing the psychologist for? Is it to monitor the disease progression or for counseling/therapy? 
Her desire to keep this is a secret is unhealthy for both of you, especially for you. What are you supposed to tell people if/when she goes into a facility? This is a matter that should be brought up with her psychologist or, a different therapist to help her be able to tell people. Also, when people are slowly figuring it out, it puts pressure on them. All sorts of concerns are going through their heads, including wondering if you two are in denial and if they should tell you.
I read a statistic some time ago, so I don't know where, that caregivers often pass before the person they are caring for. This is because caregivers tend to take on too much. Your wife's desire to keep this secret could be highly detrimental to your health. I think if she understands that, she will change her mind.
Do you have children?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

With my grandmother, we didn't talk about the Alzheimer's. It was a taboo subject. Looking back, I know she wanted to talk about it more. When my mother went through the dementia stage of Parkinson's, we talked about it a lot. It was not kept quiet at all. This made communication with her much easier and for her to be able to talk about her struggles more clearly. Something would happen and we would say, "It's the dementia." This made it less like it was something wrong with her and helped us focus on what the real issue was, the disease she had. The entire family and Mom's friends all knew what was happening. It gave Mom a sense of being supported through it that I don't think she would have had if it had been a secret.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Dementia/alzeimers are cruel to patients and their families. I looked after my mil, full time I cared for her until I couldnt anymore. I was struggling with my own health while taking care of my mil, I ended up having a bad breakdown. I helped her with everything, daily injections, medication, her meals, toilet and clean her etc etc etc. She started becoming violent and very aggressive which Is why she was best to go into a care home. I cared for her here for over 3 years or longer. Needed my own sanity back and that whole time looking after mil was a big huge head f u c k. Its such a cruel disease and hope they find cures during my lifetime.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@CrAzYdOgLaDy, it surely is a terrible disease. Three straight generations in my line have had it. I pray I'm spared.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Cynthia said:


> @CrAzYdOgLaDy, it surely is a terrible disease. Three straight generations in my line have had it. I pray I'm spared.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


Oh no 
Sorry you are having to deal with all this. I never got breaks, had zero sleep, looked after her around the clock and made myself so ill, which then put a strain on our marriage. Always take good care of you lovely.


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

Cynthia said:


> I understand that your wife is embarrassed by her condition, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. This is from a disease, not from something she did wrong. What is she seeing the psychologist for? Is it to monitor the disease progression or for counseling/therapy?
> Her desire to keep this is a secret is unhealthy for both of you, especially for you. What are you supposed to tell people if/when she goes into a facility? This is a matter that should be brought up with her psychologist or, a different therapist to help her be able to tell people. Also, when people are slowly figuring it out, it puts pressure on them. All sorts of concerns are going through their heads, including wondering if you two are in denial and if they should tell you.
> I read a statistic some time ago, so I don't know where, that caregivers often pass before the person they are caring for. This is because caregivers tend to take on too much. Your wife's desire to keep this secret could be highly detrimental to your health. I think if she understands that, she will change her mind.
> Do you have children?


I don't think she's embarrassed but she just doesn't want anyone to treat her differently. I think there's some denial there too. My perspective is that as long as she can keep it a secret, she can deny it and live normally. Of course it is becoming more noticeable as time progresses. That said, I want to allow her a "normal" life as long as possible so I continue to honor her wishes and still help her with decisions and stories as though we are telling them together.

To your point of telling people when she goes into a memory care, my belief is that this will not be a sudden event but gradual, following my bringing in in-home care and by that time, there will be no denying what is happening. I appreciate your helpful comments.

We do have one child, 32 and he knows and is very supportive, emotionally to me and has great respect for his mother.


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## PhenMichel (2 mo ago)

It's very sad to hear a story like that. I think your wife deserves a break from the struggle. It's hard to hear that she has mental health problems when she's only sixty years old. A lot of people start having them at a very old age. I think if she continues to have it, and it's real dementia, you're going to have a big problem. Dementia will ruin her and your life, and both of you will struggle.
What's more, you won't be able to live together because she will need constant care and will probably become aggressive and dangerous. In this case, you will need to find a nursing home. Read more about this here https://seniorsite.org/assisted-living.


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## kgcolonel (Jun 28, 2018)

Just a quick update on our journey. This year we have been able to take a few trips which were on her bucket list. In May, we went to Playa del Carmen for a week and we are returning from Lyon France tomorrow. Both of these trips were something she specifically wanted to do. She asked to go to the Eiffel Tower and to tour France with some very dear friends.

We have shared the news of her illness with a few select friends as well as her sister. All of those we shared this with stated that they knew something was amiss. Over all we are doing as well as one could expect. We tell each other of our love for each other and rehash our meeting and good times on a frequent basis. 

We’re on this journey together and I intend to remain on the journey with her as long as the journey lasts. We will celebrate our 39th anniversary this month. We have been blessed with a great marriage and a great circle of friends. We’ve been blessed in many ways…. Thank you all for your words of support.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

My father has stage 2 dementia rapidly going to stage 3 . I went on a fishing trip with my dad , my brothers And mom to lake Ontario this past summer. My brother has a charter boat on Mexico bay. I was very taken back by what I saw. 6 months earlier I saw him at a funeral. Huge difference from our trip. My pop was an electrical engineer. One of the smartest people I've ever known. 

It happens very quickly , not once during our trip did he call me by name. Because he doesn't remember it. He's 85 and is becoming incontinent. 

Not the dad I knew. My mom takes care of him. Won't let him drive anymore because he gets lost . 

The only advice I can give , is maybe get a professional caregiver for the times you need a break. My mom is too that point now.

Very sorry and best wishes. Jimi


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