# caught in the middle-new wife bilogical daughter



## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

im a recently married single dad of 15 yrs.my wife has 3 grown daughters and widowed. we dated for 5 plus years.i have a daughter who i am very close. my new bride( 2 yrs) says im not married to her-but my daughter is my queen. i know the biological bonds can be stronger than the marital bonds-but- we are sinking fast as a couple.she is jealous, and im caught in the middle. we both are in our mid 50s-and its all i can do to just care. she told me last night-she wished she didnt marry me-that hurt bad. im distanceing now-which i know its not good
help


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old is your daughter? Have you done any counseling?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

she is heading to college this fall- not yet- but am suggesting it

i think wife would be game


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How sad that your wife is jealous of your child.

I cannot understand that. Do you spend every waking moment with your child? Is every decision about your child and in your child's favor?

What exactly is going on in your home? 

I went through this with my stepdad ( I was very much his daughter) and his wife couldn't stand me and it ended badly...I didn't talk to him for 8 years.


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

no my daughter has a life- i raised her to be independent and im blessed-good gal
im so hurt on what she said-it cut my heart out-THE WALLS ARE GOING UP and i know she better hope to change her heart

mine will be stomped out before christmas-i will just be waiting
my bride feels like everything she had is gone- my home our friends-she retired from work-she has no monetary wants-and im a good guy-
i know i had gals chase me for years- lived a very moral life - and i come from the old school-
i was a dad first- now im a husband first
our home has tesnion because of this- lots of tension and arguments


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I didn't follow any of that.

Who instigated the conflict? Is it between your daughter and wife? Your daughter? Maybe your daughter is jealous?


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

my wife instigated it


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But why???


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

good point

i suspect she "feels" left out-im really trying

i asked her last night "help me understand" but she wouldnt budge

i think she sees a very balance young lady-in my daughter- and see her daugters not making the right choices....

she was single for 17 years as a mom


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

thx for replying and taking the time out tonight-im searching for answers


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

What exactly is your wife saying the problem is?

Give examples.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes, give examples.

If you wife is just jealous of you daughter because HER daughters aren't as "awesome" then wtf?? That is weird.


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

she says i listen to my daughter more,that she feels gang up on her with our family unit, and i dont respect her for parenting "values"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, do you?


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## goodguy4life (Aug 2, 2011)

no i am very carefull of that- i do question her values why she allows her daughters to walk over her

i had different parenting style- and my daughter towed the line


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Then your wife just has jealousy issues?

I really don't know what you want ...you don't give many details or examples.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

With whom your wife got married in the first place if you were worthy of her? Middle is starting in the order written?Who did you marry? Not necessarily a negative point of view if she love you


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## Rosco (Sep 16, 2011)

I would say your daughter will always be your daughter, the wife may not always be your wife.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Good - I blame you for this sorry mess. I think you are a bad CEO. You are not taking a leadership position. If you managed employees like this, your company would go under.

There are a couple of things that you said that may hint at what is wrong. It is true that your daughter will always be your daughter and blood is thicker blah blah. However, you raise children to let them go. 

Your daughter is off to the excitement of coleh=ge new friends, new influences and growth in a direction you have little control over. She will meet a guy fall in love marry and have kids. Dad will quickly fade into the background, an observer and support when needed. 

It is assumed you will be busy with your life and not feel a sense of loss if you don't screw this up. You could very well be left with no wife and no daughter. 

You are about to divorce your wife because she is having a conflict with a D who will be too busy in the near future to even care about the conflict. Does that seem a weee bit cracked? 

First get your bearings and reframe this. What are your principals of parenting and how do you see you relationship with your D changing over this phase of her life? What do you see for your partner and what role will she have in your life? 

I don't think you should ever break rank with your wife in front of your daughter. That makes it a competition and it is your fault. If you have been doing that then stop. If you witness you wife behaving badly to your daughter, wait until your D is not around to ask her what happened. 

if you did not witness an encounter then you have assume you don't know the full story. You have to find out and approach each person in private.That is what good managers do. 

If you have not had a conversation like the following with your D in private then you should. Explain to your daughter how important your wife is to you and how much you love her. 

Ask your D to do something for a Dad that took good care of her - stop all conflict with your wife and make pains to welcome her. Ask her to grow up and support you with your chosen companion. 

It is not you and your D anymore, she is set to have her life now you need to have yours. Get your priority strait and be smart. Put yourself in your wifes shoes and walk around - what do you see? Are you treating her with the proper respect and appreciation that you reserve for a wife only? 

Your love for your D should not effect your love for your wife. Each should know and understand. You need to let them know the special complimentary roles they play in you life. 

If you have said things or done things that pit your wife and D against each other that admit it and change. You wife said something that hurt you, what have you said and don e to hurt her? This is no time for walls, that's the defense mechanism of a weakling. A leader builds bridges. You are the linch pin and if it falls apart it is on your head and your heart.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

:iagree:


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I have no idea what this thread is supposed to be about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> I have no idea what this thread is supposed to be about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know! If that's the communication going around in the house, I see what it would be frustrating for anyone to try and solve anything. Give a SPECIFIC example of something that causes trouble - like my daughter is messy and my wife starts fights with daughter and expects me to back her - or fighting over seat at the table or chores or curfews or whatever! My H is always comparing his oldest daughter to mine and it's annoying! Different lives (she had rich grandparents and a huge inheritance, mine had to work for scholarships just as a few differences) so stop doing that. If she's starting it, don't get into the comparisons. I don't know what else to say other than a stranger who's not invested in this feels very frustrated at your communication style, so I can't imagine how your wife feels!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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