# Why does my cheating husband CARE??



## bwife (Jul 22, 2010)

I have found more emails between my husband and his mistress of almost two years. After a bunch of sexual emails, they decide to meet for sex. He asks her to send him a reason why she's going to his office to see him, so they can "get their stories straight".

The day before they're supposed to meet, she emails him an excuse and signs it "Your B. Girl " (in another email, he had very affectionately called her "my bj girl...". Then he wrote this back:

"This is killing me, but I don't think I can do it tomorrow. Call me in the morning and I'll explain."

She replied "That's fine. I'll call around 9:30. I hope everything is okay at work, you're worrying me..." He wrote back right away "Everything is fine at work." This means to me that he didn't want her to be worried, and work was NOT his reason.

And the day before he had gone on a whole narrative about how this is the first affair he's ever had, and he's not that kind of a man,etc. - which is a lie. He has cheated on me before. But he wants HER to think he's not unfaithful.

Why do I have this gut feeling that he's putting on a show for her, trying to convince her that he's such a good guy who's conflicted over the affair?

If he's only in it for sex with her, why does he care what she thinks of his morals now? Does that make sense to you? I keep thinking that he wants her for a relationship now. The tone of his emails is VERY different these days. (I've read all of them, over 500, in almost two years.)

(Please just answer the actual question, I don't need advice over whether I should leave him or not.)


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

Because he is playing her, it makes the end result more exciting for him, lets him feel like he is the innocent party in this.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Yep. And along with that comes the fact that he is playing the part of the poor suffering husband thats married to a heartless woman who doesn't love him. Which gets him sympathy and his ego stroked( among other things) by constantly hearing how great he is and how great you aren't.


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## NotJustMe (Jun 24, 2010)

What I would really rather know is why you would enable this to continue for two years if you have known about it for this long?

I am going to go ahead and call you out as a fake, because judging from this and your three other posts I still believe that you are not the betrayed wife, but rather I think you are the mistress in question, and are trying to find out if your married boyfriend has feelings for you or if he is just using you for sex.

Here's a hint: it's been two years...he is just using you for sex, and probably never thinks of you in any other capacity.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I join NotJustMe. I believe I've seen not only this name (bwife) but I remember your other user names as well (two others) and I personally choose to call you out and say that I think you're the other woman in this scenario. 

Here's a thought. You started this affair with lies, and you're here on a forum lying. This is NOT about love or caring on any level and never has been, so it would be a lot less painful for you if you would accept and recognize this fact. You can stop asking us now if he cares about his other woman. Your MARRIED Adultery partner may not respect his wife very much, but he is using you for sex. Period. Nothing more and it will never be anything more. You do not "mean something" to him. If you would like to be with someone to whom you do mean something, I would strongly suggest that you end things with this man, who has shown you his moral character by cheating, and find a man who is available, who acts in honor and honesty, and who demonstrates his love to you by his ACTIONS and not by empty words and promises. He's already demonstrated to you that his promises do not mean anything and he doesn't DO them because he promised his wife he would forsake all others. 

So do yourself a favor. End this facade, leave the other man, and find someone of character and quality who really is free to love YOU for YOU!


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## bwife (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't feel the need to defend myself to people I don't even know. I came here looking for advice on a real situation, yes, I am the wife, but if you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do.

If any of you truly want to help, can you direct me to another forum? Perhaps some of you know one where people actually help, instead of making up accusations.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> If any of you truly want to help, can you direct me to another forum? Perhaps some of you know one where people actually help, instead of making up accusations.


I think people here would be very willing to help - it depends on what you are willing to do. What goes on between a man and his mistress is irrelevant to working on a marriage - unless there is a danger of STDs, in which case, there are solutions. If you are here to work on your marriage, then my advice is to focus on that issue.

Another thing to keep in mind - as long as you write in defense of the mistress, and focus on how he may be wronging her, you will get the same advice regardless of which forum you find.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

In defense of the people here, you did specifically say you didn't want advice about the situation...or "help" whathaveyou...you asked for a quick opinion about a situation. I don't think complaining about not getting help from a forum full of people who selflessly help others is the best tactic for you, especially if you look for help in the future from these same, good people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

And for my quick opinion on what you asked...yes it is just sex. He's a cheater and he's getting free, easy booty. Of course it's just sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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