# lying wife caught



## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

hi this is my second post, iposted earlier about 3 weeks ago that suspected my wife was cheating ,ive been married 26 years ,have 4 kids aged 18 throu to 23 ,ifound out by shear luck that my wife had befriended 2 20 year old men 18 months ago ,she is 44 she told me she felt sorry for them and was trying to help them get of drugs ,that was wat she originally told me her relationship with them was,she swore on her own kids lives thats all the relationship was a sort of motherly role to help them ,she showered them with gifts put mobile phones in her name and gave them to them ,ive worked out over 18 months she has spent between 15 to 20 thousand on them,ive now just found out that she was having sex with one of them on a regular basis as i work away in the mines and the other boy she was trying to have sex with but he said ha didnt ,both boys told her sisiter all about affiars ,and i was there when her sister was on the phone to them and heard it all first hand tonight ,im gutted ,the kids are disgusted and want nothing to do with there mom ,her sister told the boys no more contact she is ill and needs help i am divorcing her but im gutted how do i go on....it rocked me to the core ,she would hound me for money and give it to her lovers ,she betrayed everything a mother and wife stands for ,im getting tested for stds ,i carnt sleep i feel sick all time can i get over this.....


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

That is terrible news, I'm sorry she did this to you and your family. At least now you have the truth, and can take action accordingly. Has she seen a psychiatrist? Her behavior rises above normal cheating scumbag behavior in my book. I'd guess drugs or a major psychiatric issue... or both!

Either way, I guess it's a moot point.


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

yeh i think drugs are involved to ,im not coping ,for her to be having sex with men the same age as her kids is sick ,im 44 as well im fit ,i waterski ,i can not understand this why she would do this


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You're doing all you can. Move forward with divorce. Try to document the money she gave to the other men. Your attorney can offset that amount from any divorce settlement you have to pay.

Also, run the 180. It's about how to emotionally distance yourself from your wife. It will help.

Good luck.

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

So sorry to hear about that, it's just awful. I hope you can find some comfort as you go through this horrible experience. That is a ton of money....and you work in the mines?


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Man that is horrible. I haven't read your other thread but this would devastate anyone. 

Do not for a second think that you are weak. Pursue the divorce and kick her butt to the curb if you haven't done so. Is she still living with you? Does she know you know the affair was confirmed? Have you confronted her? 

And make sure the kids' parents know too. Let them know what a little scumbags they raised. 

Just from the little bit you said, and given the amount of money she flushed down the toilet, drug abuse is a real probability.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Get her out of that house and away from you as soon as possible, if you have not already done so. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE FOR ANY REASON. She strays she pays. 

I agree with the others that there is something seriously wrong with this whole picture. It is not uncommon for a 40ish woman to hit a midlife crisis and go off the rails and even cheat. This forum is repleat with such stories. But the fact that she blew so much money over such a short period of time on two young men does point to something more insidious going on. 

You might have to hire a PI to tail her to see if she is hanging out where drugs are sold. If she is an addict she will not be able to stay away from pushers and such lowlifes.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP the process you are going thru sucks. The good news is that you can overcome this devastating betrayal. Take care of yourself as you navigate divorce. Eat right, get rest, stay active. If you need some help see your doctor and get into IC. 

Stay focused on the new opportunity you have to rebuild your life without the betrayer being a part of it. Happiness can be found post divorce. 

All the best
WD
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get tested for STDs and HIV.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

kamm12 said:


> she swore on her own kids lives


Sorry, when anyone does this, not just affairs, I automatically believe they are lying about something.

That's terrible. That's money out of the household let alone any cheating. I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I remember reading your story and how your old lady claimed it was a motherly thing. I thought at the time, "sheeut"; if he believe that, that ole boy needs somebody to explain things to him.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Sorry to hear it turned out to be the worst. I know you were hoping she was just being irresponsible with her time and your money. 

Take care of yourself man. Eat something healthy, drink some water and take a shower. She hurt you, but that's past now. 

Talk to a lawyer, see what you can do to grind her up in the divorce. Do you have any records of the money she spend on these guys? I wonder if you can get that taken into account in the settlement. Would be sweet if you could take it out of her maintenance.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Really so sorry. My wife had an EA with a younger man (she's 42, I'm 41, he was 30) and his youth really bothered me.

There is absolutely nothing you can do at this point to reconcile, IMO, so don't put any energy into that. What helped me was making sure others around me knew so that I had a support network (sounds like you did that at least with immediate family).

Then you need to really do three things quickly:

1) Take care of your body. Eat when you can, and make it nutritious if you don't eat often (I couldn't). Exercise - that does amazing things to clear the mind, ease stress, and take the blood pressure down. Get as much sleep as you can.

2) Seek out professional counseling. Don't be ashamed to need it. I became depressed and I actually think this thing triggered a kind of mid-life crisis for me. It is not a shame to need a counselor to talk the issues through and even get on an antidepressant for a period of time.

3) Immediately pick up your old personal interests and hobbies. Learn guitar, join a community theater troupe, pick up a camera, whatever. It is vitally important that you recognize your own value quickly.

And please come back here as often as needed, PM us if necessary, for moral support. You are not alone - many if not most of us have been where you are in terms of the shock of betrayal. Remember that.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

My heart goes out to you. I know that feeling in the pit of your heart must be that much worse since the evidence is indisputable. I remember that feeling with the smidgen of evidence I got. No matter how ugly it is, you must take heart in knowing without the shadow of a doubt, that you are so loved by life that it has offered you a brand new beginning with a pen in your hand to script your own future. 

You finally have your own choices to make and I pray you choose well and choose YOU first always for the good man you are. You must never beat up yourself for having a good heart or for not being schooled in the art of deceit. You are a good soul and like the rest of us here had to come to a place to recognize the goodness of who you are, albeit through our common road of betrayal. Many blessings, write away!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

thank u for all the support ,to hear of other people who have had similar stories is heartbreaking,i have seen a lawyer and the divorce is going throu ,she has no access to any of the bank acc ,i seen a doc yesterday to get tested for stds because i rang the 20 year old boy who was having sex with her for the last 18 months and found out he had been lied to by her and she made me out to be a terrible husband,when it wasnt like that at all ,it was the strangest phone call ive ever had to talk to boy who had been having sex with her over 18 months was bizzar,once ihad explained to him her sick mental state he told me thing about the affair ,he told her he had herpes type 1 before the first time they had sex and she said she didnt care and never since that fist time did they use a condom ,it makes me sick that i know i will have that disease now (good i hope not ,tests pending)for a person to b so selfish and disrespectful is beyond my thinking,she is gone out of my life ,her own kids are discusded with her and dont want her in their lives ,the kids support has been amazing ,she still denying things about the affair but i got all the truth i needed from the guy she was sleeping with ,i trusted her 100% its hard to understand how some one could b so cruel,i am keeping busy ,i have counciling sessons booked in ,words can not describe how little i think of her,she is disgusting ,she even had sex with him in the bed im laying in right now typing this ,it makes me sick.thanks for your support


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Buy a new bed and have the old one hauled off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Holy moly. Thats awful. Your stbxw has serious mental issues.

I am glad you have counseling scheduled. It will help a lot.

The first days are the worst. Know that it WILL get better over time. I promise.

For now, eat even if you don't want to, sleep, and do stuff to occupy yourself. Work out, ride your bike, paint a picture, renovate the house, buy something new, whatever. Do it just for YOU.

And gather your kids close. They sounds like a great bunch.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

LostViking said:


> Buy a new bed and have the old one hauled off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Or break it to pieces and burn it if you want to.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Get her out of that house and away from you as soon as possible, if you have not already done so. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE FOR ANY REASON. She strays she pays.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good advice right there....I suggest you take it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

How old are your kids man?


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

20 thousand, that's a lot of cash. Sounds like the guys could be prostitutes?


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

i have 18 year old twins boy and girl and 20 and 22 year old daughters ,


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

Suspecting said:


> 20 thousand, that's a lot of cash. Sounds like the guys could be prostitutes?


yeh well the guy i was talking to said that after the first time he didn't want to do it any more but she hounded him and paid him cash varying from 200 to 50 a go for a while ,its just sick ,she bought them mobile phones in her name and gave them to them and i got 6 months print out of the bill totaling 7000 they has the phones for 12 months so its much more,the phones have been cancelled,oh by the im in australia


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Toss the bed into the trash and buy yourself a new one.

See if you can deduct what she spent of them from the family assets in the D,

And see if you can sue her for damages for infecting you with an incurable STD.

If you do it right perhaps you can put her in the street with nothing.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Does the rest of her family know what she did? Man that is really gross and ****ed up. Ya toss that bed or burn it.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Jasel said:


> Does the rest of her family know what she did? Man that is really gross and ****ed up. Ya toss that bed or burn it.


...along with the wedding album, anniversary cards, photos of the two of you, old love notes....Burn it all and record a video while doing so.

Where did she go after you gave her the boot?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

kamm12 said:


> yeh well the guy i was talking to said that after the first time he didn't want to do it any more but she hounded him and paid him cash varying from 200 to 50 a go for a while ,its just sick ,she bought them mobile phones in her name and gave them to them and i got 6 months print out of the bill totaling 7000 they has the phones for 12 months so its much more,the phones have been cancelled,*oh by the im in australia*


So that means you have to separate for a year before the divorce petition is even filed, correct?


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

well just a quick up date on my situation,my has finally admitted to everything that happened in her affair ,she is with her sister and i will never have her back, she is now a mess and has been msging me saying she doesnt think she can live with herself knowing what she has done ,she keeps telling me look after our kids and i wont ever hear from her again ,why is it that after all shes put me throu i feel sorry for her?i dont understand why she done it when i thought we were happy back when the affair all started ,i feel sorry for her that she has lost me,the kids ,all our friends,sometimes i absolutely hate her the next i feel sorry for her is this normal or am i now messed up,oh by the way i smashed my bed up it felt good breaking it up to pieces ,i hope she gets help cause i wouldnt like her to do anything silly to herself why do i have compassion for her ? why did she have the affair when i thought we were happy back when it started?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

This is a form of manipulation that is not uncommon among a cheating wife. All of a sudden they see that they have thrown away everything so they imply that they are going to take their own life and try to guilt you into taking them back. In most cases it is pure manipulation and it is a form of strategy on their part. Do not fall for it. If not then they need to be institutionalized.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Man what a heartbreaking story. But you did everything right. It's hard to see someone you love reaping the whirlwind, but this is the price she has to pay for her sin. You cannot help her. See to your children and hold them close to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

kamm12 said:


> well just a quick up date on my situation,my has finally admitted to everything that happened in her affair ,she is with her sister and i will never have her back, she is now a mess and has been msging me saying she doesnt think she can live with herself knowing what she has done ,she keeps telling me look after our kids and i wont ever hear from her again ,why is it that after all shes put me throu i feel sorry for her?i dont understand why she done it when i thought we were happy back when the affair all started ,i feel sorry for her that she has lost me,the kids ,all our friends,sometimes i absolutely hate her the next i feel sorry for her is this normal or am i now messed up,oh by the way i smashed my bed up it felt good breaking it up to pieces ,i hope she gets help cause i wouldnt like her to do anything silly to herself why do i have compassion for her ? why did she have the affair when i thought we were happy back when it started?


You feel the way you do because you're a decent human being. She isn't. Don't fall for her manipulation. If you think that she really is suicidal, send her the number for the suicide hotline.


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

bryanp said:


> This is a form of manipulation that is not uncommon among a cheating wife. All of a sudden they see that they have thrown away everything so they imply that they are going to take their own life and try to guilt you into taking them back. In most cases it is pure manipulation and it is a form of strategy on their part. Do not fall for it. If not then they need to be institutionalized.


yeh i unnderstand what your saying,why do people do this to each other it is so cruel?.....


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> You feel the way you do because you're a decent human being. She isn't. Don't fall for her manipulation. If you think that she really is suicidal, send her the number for the suicide hotline.


yeh shes with her sister 8 hours away from me and the kids,i get on well with her sister and any wierd msgs about suicide i will forward to her ,i carnt understand why she done it ,this is so hard .....


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

kamm12 said:


> yeh i unnderstand what your saying,why do people do this to each other it is so cruel?.....


Selfishness.


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Selfishness.


people who start to get thoughts about cheating should get on this forum and read some of the stories,and see first hand the carnage,pain misery that cheaters do maybe then a couple of might change there mind and save there families from what they might have done


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

kamm12 said:


> people who start to get thoughts about cheating should get on this forum and read some of the stories,and see first hand the carnage,pain misery that cheaters do maybe then a couple of might change there mind and save there families from what they might have done


Absolutely they should.

Are you eating?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Do you have to wait a year before you can divorce her kamm? Or can her infidelity expedite the process?


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Absolutely they should.
> 
> Are you eating?


na nothing no sleep no food its so hard ,i think u have u followed my journey from the start hope1964 thank you for your support ,i will get strong ,my kids are amazing, but i think thats what hurts as well that they now have totally wiped their mother ,i have counciling on monday that should help thank you


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Do you have to wait a year before you can divorce her kamm? Or can her infidelity expedite the process?


yeh i found out she was claiming single parent pension and i got the date whitch is over 12 months ago and have dated the divorce to bak then so yeh it all should go throu ive sighned my papers about 2 weeks ago thank for all your support


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Report her to your local drug squad. Seriously. Young people need to be protected from women like your wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kamm12 said:


> na nothing no sleep no food its so hard ,i think u have u followed my journey from the start hope1964 thank you for your support ,i will get strong ,my kids are amazing, but i think thats what hurts as well that they now have totally wiped their mother ,i have counciling on monday that should help thank you


Get some Ensure Ensure Nutrition Shake - Products - Ensure it will help.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I suggest you warn her sister about possible drug use by your wife, she can watch her to see if she's getting high,


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

No one goes from being a normal, responsible loving spouse and parent to a sneaky, bottom dweller in that short amount of time without reason. It has to be drugs.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

How, where did she met those men?


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

Acabado said:


> How, where did she met those men?


on facebook she friended them fb she meet one then showered him with money and gifts so he got his mate involved and she done the same for him ,she only had sex with one of them but asked the other boy for sex but he said no ,shes sick needs help


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You need something in your body. Boost or Ensure is a good idea. Get some. And get some sleep. Medicate yourself if you have to. And let us know how counseling goes.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

kamm12 said:


> on facebook she friended them fb she meet one then showered him with money and gifts so he got his mate involved and she done the same for him ,she only had sex with one of them but asked the other boy for sex but he said no ,shes sick needs help


I imagined she was into some kind of volunteering organization around drug addiction recovery then she slipped into dangerous territory but well... now I'm rather sure it's completely unrelated to drugs and "helping them". It's no more than the excuse she came up the first time you confronted her or maybe the excuses she was selling herself for the last year in order to face the mirror everyday, the "sl0t scape" so to speak.
She was trolling internet and got hooked up with this young guy compliments, that's all.
The fact she asked the other guy too means there's possibly more to discover. It's unlikely she limited herself to this guy and friend ance she discovered how easyly she had it.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Acabado said:


> I imagined she was into some kind of volunteering organization around drug addiction recovery then she slipped into dangerous territory but well... now I'm rather sure it's completely unrelated to drugs and "helping them". It's no more than the excuse she came up the first time you confronted her or maybe the excuses she was selling herself for the last year in order to face the mirror everyday, the "sl0t scape" so to speak.
> She was trolling internet and got hooked up with this young guy compliments, that's all.
> The fact she asked the other guy too means there's possibly more to discover. It's unlikely she limited herself to this guy and friend ance she discovered how easyly she had it.


Yeah but how does that account for the money she blew through? $20k is alot of money, even if she was paying for his phone, paying for their motels, and buying him stuff. What was else was she spending on? 

If she was taking out large cash advances, I would say it is drugs. The OP needs to go throught the bills and see where all that money was going in order to get a clearer picture. But then maybe he just wants to be done with it and be rid of her....drug abuse or not.


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

If she was taking out large cash advances, I would say it is drugs. The OP needs to go throught the bills and see where all that money was going in order to get a clearer picture. But then maybe he just wants to be done with it and be rid of her....drug abuse or not.[/QUOTE]

what she would do to get money was to tell me shed booked a trip to say bali and needed 1500 for it so would give it to her then she would cancel the trip and tell me the money will take 6 to 8 weeks to get back then after 2 or 3 months she would say she got the money and spent it on shopping and general stuff for the house (all lies)she was paying phone bills or giving it to them,there are so many stories of lies and deceit ,the 2 phone bills added up to 7000 in 6 months,she is in sydney with her sister i hope she never comes back this way,i ve warned her sister about her but her sister knows wat she like .

she is everything i Hate about a person ,no respect,no morals,lying,deceitful,asked one boy for sex,had sex with the other boy,put me at risk for stds because he told her he had something and she still didnt use a condom,sex in my car,sex in our bed ,there is nothing more she could have done to hurt me she ticked every box when in comes to hurting some who loved them,she needed me as a bank because i gave her plenty of opportunities to leave but she wouldnt or she would manipulate me into taking her back,i carnt work out how i didnt know earlier what she was doing but i was working away so it would have been easy for her i suppose ,god i feel stupid


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

if ever there was a situation where a poster should definitely "cut 'n' run," it's you my friend.

i only have this to add- "DON'T LOOK BACK!"


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

kamm12 said:


> what she would do to get money was to tell me shed booked a trip to say bali and needed 1500 for it so would give it to her then she would cancel the trip and tell me the money will take 6 to 8 weeks to get back then after 2 or 3 months she would say she got the money and spent it on shopping and general stuff for the house (all lies)she was paying phone bills or giving it to them,there are so many stories of lies and deceit ,the 2 phone bills added up to 7000 in 6 months,she is in sydney with her sister i hope she never comes back this way,i ve warned her sister about her but her sister knows wat she like .


Sounds just like the drug culture to me. Time to go.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Kamm how are you holding up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kamm12 (Jun 24, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Kamm how are you holding up?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not to bad lostviking thanks ,im eating better ,working hard,i went to a councillor but didnt get much out of it,my kids and mates have been unbelievable ,im getting my act together,my STBXW keeps msging me with all this crap one min she hates me and thinks im turning the kids against her,they dont want anything to do with their mother after wat she has done ,they are all adults and can make their own choices,they can not believe what she has done,the lies ,the money,the deceit,the PA with a boy the same age as them.
My STBXW msged me yesterday saying "i love those kids more than life itself.if i have to give up my life to prove that to them then i will"..... I forwarded the msg to her mom and sister,she needs serious help,what was she showing her love when she denied the house thousands of dollars as she gave it to her toy boy,or the lies she told where she was going a couple of times a week to meet him while i worked away,or when she locked her son out of the house while she had sex with OM on our bed ,or the money she stole from her 22 year old daughter and gave it to OM or her lack of mother duties around the house because seh sleep most of the day because she was up all night msging the OM,she has no morals,no resect,no remorse,no love,no dignity,no loyalty,the example she has set as a mother and wife is disgusting,the kids dont need me to turn them against her she s done that all on her own but blames me,its been about a month now since d-day and still she still hasnt seen a councillor,anyway viking thanks for asking,but everything is starting to improve.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kamm12 said:


> on facebook she friended them fb she meet one then showered him with money and gifts so he got his mate involved and she done the same for him ,she only had sex with one of them but asked the other boy for sex but he said no ,shes sick needs help


Is there anyone who will ensure this happens? Should she be taken to a hospital for evaluation and treatment?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Kamm stay the course. She will make her decision and bear responsibility for them. Hopefully she will seek help and not harm herself but you cannot be responsive for her actions and you have informed her family that she needs help. 

Be strong divorce sucks but you will be better off in the end given her actions. Do not let her convince you in any way that this crap is your fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

You did what you could Kamm. We just had a poster named Wrathful who's adulterous wife just took her own life. Your in-laws need to watch your WW and not take her suicide threats lightly. 

Several possibilities I see with your WW:

1). She is just an immoral person;
2). She suffers from some type of mood disorder (bipolar?);
3). Hormonal imbalances brought on by menopause; 
4): Personality disorder (BPD, NPD.....)
5): Combination of two or more of the above. 

Any way you look at it she is a deeply disturbed individual. Fifty years ago they would have institutionalized her for her behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's showing the signs of someone who is using drugs herself.

The swinging moods , has she tried negotiating with you yet?

Can you get her drug tested? Perhaps through hair samples?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Spouses like Kamm's live life for themselves and nobody else.
Walk away and don't look back.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> She's showing the signs of someone who is using drugs herself.
> 
> The swinging moods , has she tried negotiating with you yet?
> 
> Can you get her drug tested? Perhaps through hair samples?


That's what I am seeing. Older woman, toy boys, lavish gifts, lies, illogical over spending, heckacious lies, suicide threats and swearing on her kids.

She needs help. I hope I am wrong, I've seen drugs destroy people, and it might be a personality disorder. I've seen both and they are dark, but drug use is an entirely different level of abuse, IMO of course.


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