# Getting Your Guy Ready for Valentine’s Day



## DrMarty

I know some woman may be upset with this idea, but for the most part Valentineâ€™s Day is a womanâ€™s holiday. Woman for better or worse, are more sensitive to this day. You rarely hear a guy saying â€œI canâ€™t wait for my flowersâ€?. or getting angry or upset because â€œsheâ€? forgot â€œthat special day. Some woman unknowingly use Valentineâ€™s Day as a test, they think â€œWhat he does or doesnâ€™t do will show how much he loves me?â€? 

So here are 4 steps to getting your guy ready for the big day.

1.	Realize that his definition of love and caring may be different from yours. In the end he has the ability to be there for you but he needs help, hereâ€™s how to help him:

2.	Start the process by focusing on what a good guy he is, and can be, attitude is very important. When you do the other steps it is important that is from a positive attitude.

3.	Gently remind him. â€œHoney I really like it when, you get me a cardâ€?
Itâ€™s O.K. to remind him. You may think: â€œIf he loves me he would do it on his ownâ€?. For the most part menâ€™s brains donâ€™t work that way. If there is an emergency or crisis men are far more likely to respond. This comes from how menâ€™s brains are organized and years of history of the care and feeding of the American male. 

4.	Let him know what you would like. â€œI really would like it you would bring me some flowers.â€? Make it clear and easy for him to do. The easier things are to do the more he is likely to it. Gals if you have to remind him it does mean he doesnâ€™t love you; heâ€™s just being a guy. Remember that if he really doesnâ€™t want to do something he wonâ€™t. How long has it taken for him to clean out the garage or get rid of that 10 year old suit. 




What to do if he doesnâ€™t come through

Donâ€™t invest everything in one day. Yes it is important, but 
whenever we make something â€œdo or dieâ€? we put a great deal of pressure on our relationship. Remember, getting angry at him will not motivate him. 

If he does forget or disappoint you, which he might, itâ€™s O.k. to mention it to him, but not in an angry way (even if you are angry) but more from a disappointed hurt place, men are much less defensive if they donâ€™t have to respond to anger. Anger makes them feels attacked and that generates distance, counter attack or both. 

Danger Signs
If Valentines Day becomes â€œa deal breakerâ€? thereâ€™s a lot more going on than a holiday gone bad, take it as a wake up call and the next step is dealing with the distance, anger and hurt. (Thatâ€™s a subject for another article) 
Happy endings
But take heart (forgive the Valentineâ€™s Day pun) most men are good guys and want to do the right thing for their â€œbridesâ€?; they just need a little help from their friends. 

Good luck & happy Valentineâ€™s Day
Dr. Marty 
34 years bringing people together
[email protected]
www.YourMarriageCounselor.com


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## Chris H.

I think Valentine's day is a "no win" situation for a lot of guys.

I did fine this year because I'm married, it's pretty much clear that what I do should say "I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you." That's part of what my marriage means.

But I feel sorry for the guys out there who aren't clear about their relationships, like if you just started dating someone. What's too much to do for Valentine's Day? What's not enough to do? :scratchhead: 

That's not something many people communicate about in a new relationship. And then what happens? Feelings get hurt, and us guys don't have a clue.

I was in the flower shop yesterday trying to pick out flowers, and I was faced with the dilemna... which flowers do I buy? How many? We're actually trying to watch our spending, so will she get upset if I spend too much on them? 

It can get confusing sometimes....

Chris


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