# Please help...desperate for advice. My husband left me and i'm considering divorce



## sbs1125 (Apr 12, 2012)

hello, I'm new to this site but didn't know where else to turn, I really need some advice on my situation. I have been with my husband for 5 yrs and married for one. We have three children (2) together and one from my prev relationship. My husband has trust issues but refuses to admit it. he thinks i cheat on him and lies to him although all of his accusations are unfounded. he gets very nasty and verbally abusive and belittles me. He then apologizes for the things he said and says that he only says them b/c he knows they'll get to me. when we argue, i never disrespect him or belittle him which I could but I dont b/c i feel that when you love someone it's some things you just don't say out of anger or ever. during our relationship we have broken up many times b/c of his insecurities and lack of trust but he promises to change and everything will be good until the next time. We have went to counseling together and he has even went individually with both counselors agreeing that his feelings of mistrust towards me are unfounded but he still says that he doesn't have a trust issue. After our last argument he packed up all his belongings and left and went to his parents. While he was packing his things, I told him that if he walked out on us, he doesn't have to worry about coming back b/c after 5 years of being accused and insulted i'm tired and cant do it anymore. I have never been unfaithful to him and don't give him any reason to think otherwise and as far as him being hurt before in his past, he was engaed before we were together and they both cheated on each other so it's not like someone took him through the ringer to make hime feel the way he does so i just don't understand why he acts the way he does but i do know that until he acknoledges that he has an issue with trusting me we will never be better. He is still at his parents and is texting me and calling and apologizing and saying how he wants to come home but i don't even feel any sadness b/c I'm just tired of the arguing over nothing. my self esteem has been affected greatly by all of his insults and my depression is worse. I dont know if we have any hope left. He is a geat father to our kids which is the only thing that bothers me. Any help or suggestions will be appreciated. sorry so long


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Perhaps make his return somewhat conditional? Tell him how he's hurt you and your self-esteem and caused you to be depressed. Tell him that if he comes back again this time and no changes are made with his getting a grip on his mistrust issues, that will be the end of the marriage

Tough love


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## sbs1125 (Apr 12, 2012)

thanks. I think about this all the time but i'm at the point where i hear i'm sorry all the time, nothing changes and we just keep going through this cycle every few months and i'm just really fed up but i'm torn about going through a divorce also b/c I really believe in marriage and want mine to work. i just dont understand how you can really say you love someone and want to be with them if you feel the need to belittle them and hurt them over and over and expect them to always stand by you at all times


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