# Don't Want To Have Sex the Kitchen



## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

My husband and I just bought our first home. *applause*

We've been so excited about christening all of the rooms. There is a small conflict because I do not want to have sex in the kitchen or on our table. I know it seems weird. I just can't stomach cooking or eating on the same surfaces that our bare asses and cum have been on. It seems unhygienic. 

My husband has always said that I am way too anal about cleaning. I grew up being hit if I didn't clean something to my mother's specifications. My mother has OCD and she was a tyrant about cleanliness as well as the appearance of her children. I have an excellent therapist and she told me that the hitting conditioned me to clean excessively. I don't know if my therapist is right because I know that nobody is going to beat me now if I leave something dirty. I just feel uneasy about messes; we are packing to move right now and all the boxes are making me anxious. I cannot go to bed if our bathroom is dirty. 

I don't see what is so terrible about wanting an immaculate home. I have asked my husband if he would prefer a wife who is a dirty pig. His answer is that there is a happy medium. 

I understand that life and sex are messy. I don't mind bodily fluids in our bed, on our couch, on our floor or in the shower. It's not like I won't have sex at all because of fluids. My husband and I both feel that we are each other's best lovers. It was one of the reasons we married each other; sex has never been a problem and we both love it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

There are more potentially harmful germs and bacteria in raw chicken than there are in body fluids. Do you ever have raw chicken on your countertops?

There is a happy medium. Being obsessive about cleanliness, or anything really, is out of balance. The unease and tension you feel is what you must fight, not how it got unclean in the first place or that it might stay unclean for a few hours.

Happy medium: put a towel down first.

Your husband can help you by reminding you to take deep breaths slowly in and slowly out as you visualize happily leaving the mess in order to do something even better than cleaning...


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Crisco party in the kitchen FTW!

Sorry...Couldn't help myself...I got nothing.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> There are more potentially harmful germs and bacteria in raw chicken than there are in body fluids. Do you ever have raw chicken on your countertops?
> 
> There is a happy medium. Being obsessive about cleanliness, or anything really, is out of balance. The unease and tension you feel is what you must fight, not how it got unclean in the first place or that it might stay unclean for a few hours.
> 
> ...


I like your suggestion about leaving a mess. However, my therapist suggested the same thing and when I tried to leave messes where they were, I ended up becoming agitated and cleaning the mess anyway. I know this is strange but something in my mind doesn't allow me to leave messes. Not sure why it makes me so anxious. 

Cleaning makes me feel accomplished and proud. Not sure if that is unhealthy or not.

With respect to raw chicken, raw meat is meant to be in the kitchen so it doesn't bother me to have chicken on the counter.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Bleach wipes. Problem solved.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I like your suggestion about leaving a mess. However, my therapist suggested the same thing and when I tried to leave messes where they were, I ended up becoming agitated and cleaning the mess anyway. I know this is strange but something in my mind doesn't allow me to leave messes. Not sure why it makes me so anxious.
> 
> Cleaning makes me feel accomplished and proud. Not sure if that is unhealthy or not.
> 
> With respect to raw chicken, raw meat is meant to be in the kitchen so it doesn't bother me to have chicken on the counter.


Right, raw meats are meant to be in the kitchen. But are those counter tops any different from the counter tops in the bathroom in terms of function? Both are flat surfaces that are hard, not porous, and able to withstand all sorts of messes and clean up with the same ease. 

Ever put muddy shoes on the bathroom counter? Ever put muddy shoes on the kitchen counter? Ever sat your naked butt on the bathroom counter? We know you've never done it on the kitchen counter. They are the same. Both surfaces clean and sterilize just as easily. 

So practice in your kitchen now before you move. Sit your naked butt on the kitchen counter.

Oh wait, you don't have kids yet do you? Once you have kids you will find naked butts on every surface of the home, especially the kitchen sink.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Put a sheet or tablecloth on the kitchen table, then go for it!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My SO often says, "there isn't a thing created by nature that soap & water can't clean."


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I cannot go to bed if our bathroom is dirty.


This is pretty extreme.

Although, I can't say I would complain if my mate was like this! 

"Sure honey, clean the bathroom, I'll see ya when you're done"....settles down with a book while bathroom is being cleaned by someone else....ahhhhh....

But it does seem a little too far on the obsessive side. However, if it doesn't bother you...then it doesn't. 

Your H is saying he would like a happy medium. Does he mind that you can't go to bed without the bathroom clean?

Also, do you have sex in the bathroom or shower?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I like your suggestion about leaving a mess. However, my therapist suggested the same thing and when I tried to leave messes where they were, I ended up becoming agitated and cleaning the mess anyway. I know this is strange but something in my mind doesn't allow me to leave messes. Not sure why it makes me so anxious.
> 
> Cleaning makes me feel accomplished and proud. Not sure if that is unhealthy or not.
> 
> With respect to raw chicken, raw meat is meant to be in the kitchen so it doesn't bother me to have chicken on the counter.


Well, sex is meant to be where you want it to be. 

Just think of how accomplished you will feel when you clean up after a good sexxion in the kitchen. See, it will give you a reason to clean and feel accomplished.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Right, raw meats are meant to be in the kitchen. But are those counter tops any different from the counter tops in the bathroom in terms of function? Both are flat surfaces that are hard, not porous, and able to withstand all sorts of messes and clean up with the same ease.
> 
> Ever put muddy shoes on the bathroom counter? Ever put muddy shoes on the kitchen counter? Ever sat your naked butt on the bathroom counter? We know you've never done it on the kitchen counter. They are the same. Both surfaces clean and sterilize just as easily.
> 
> ...


We won't be having kids. My husband had a vasectomy before we met. This was perfect for me because I don't want kids due to health and emotional reasons. 

Incidentally, I could never handle the mess that comes with kids. Almost every parent I know has a filthy home. When I have visited these messy houses, I found it difficult to be comfortable. My mom had more than three kids and our house was always spotless. She was a harsh disciplinarian so we all had to clean often. Every Saturday, my siblings and me had to wake up at 9AM to clean the house. We could not do anything else until the house was clean and that usually took about 6 hours. 

Why would I put muddy shoes on the bathroom or kitchen counter? That's disgusting. Muddy shoes belong on the floor. I suppose I could try sitting on the kitchen counter with my bare ass, even though the thought makes me nauseous. 

I appreciate all of your suggestions. I don't know why someone had to take a shot at you in another thread; I do not notice that you tell others to get divorced all the time.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Well, sex is meant to be where you want it to be.
> 
> Just think of how accomplished you will feel when you clean up after a good sexxion in the kitchen. See, it will give you a reason to clean and feel accomplished.


That's true. My husband once coaxed me into having sex in a small sauna and it was wonderfully intense. I was reluctant because we were right next to a pool full of people and I was scared that someone would walk in on us. My husband is usually the one suggesting new things when we have sex. I am a creature of habit in every way. I normally oblige him unless there is a reason why I am not into what he wants to try. When that happens, my husband patiently breaks down my boundaries by being tender and listening to my feelings. This particular hang up is hard for him to work through because I have such a strong aversion to mess. 

I'm not trying to be difficult because I see that you are trying to help. It's just that I wouldn't feel as accomplished cleaning up the kitchen after the sex session. I would feel grossed out and unable to clean all the mess away. Lord help me. LOL


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Sex should be something both of you enjoy together. While I think it's "odd" that if distresses you to do it in the kitchen, I also think it's "odd" that your husband is pushing you to do it there when he knows the idea is unpleasant to you. It sounds like you're not withholding or prudish about sex in general, so why is he obsession over which rooms?

If you want to get past your aversion to sex in the kitchen, I'd try the towel/sheet ideas suggested, or tell hubby he can bend you over something, like the table or counter instead of smearing body fluids all over them.

But if you just don't like the idea, then you just don't like the idea. Surely there are plenty of rooms where you can both enjoy sex. Maybe even the backyard... If your husband talks you into sex in the kitchen against your true desires, you may end resenting him every time you go into the kitchen and remember that he pushed you to do something he knew you didn't want to do.

Also, if your husband backs off, maybe your feelings about it will change over time. And/or maybe it will stop being so important to him.

Congrats on your new home!


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> My husband has always said that I am way too anal about cleaning. I grew up being hit if I didn't clean something to my mother's specifications.


Childhood conditioning can have a very strong impact on your behavior as an adult, even if you are intellectually aware of the reasoning for your behavior. I'm terrified of people who drink because my father was an alcoholic. Even the scent of booze sends me into a mild panic attack. I remind myself that I'm not five years old any longer and that none of these people are going to explode at me in a drunken rage, but it's a gut response. I can't control it.



> I do not want to have sex in the kitchen or on our table. I just can't stomach cooking or eating on the same surfaces that our bare asses and cum have been on.


Buy a tablecloth for your kitchen table specifically to have sex on. Throw away the tablecloth when you're done. No fuss, no muss.



> I don't see what is so terrible about wanting an immaculate home. I have asked my husband if he would prefer a wife who is a dirty pig. His answer is that there is a happy medium.


I think he's right. It's not as though the only two choices in life are "so clean you can eat off the floor" or "completely disgusting." You've got to teach yourself to let go a little. It's okay to not attain perfection every single day.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Just desensitize yourself by repeatedly visualizing your neighbor and her husband having sex on your table. Oh never mind. That soap and water and bleach wipes somebody mentioned seems to fall short.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*There ain't nothing finer than kitchen counter-top or "spin-cycle" washing machine sex!

That's exactly what they made Formula 409 spray and Bounty paper towels for! After all, it's "the quicker picker-upper!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Do you think the tablecloth/towel idea will work for you?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

It isn't even comfortable to have sex on a countertop. Depending on the size of your kitchen table, and you, I guess it's doable, but, still, I'd be afraid to break it, not get it dirty. And I'm pretty anal about clutter. I can't relax, and sometimes can't concentrate on work (I work from home) if my house has clutter and is not all cleaned up. I'm really struggling lately with just closing my kids' bedroom doors when they are not here instead of being a tyrant about it and/or cleaning their rooms when they are at their dads just so I can relax.

Get a vinyl tablecloth and get it over with, is my advice . Or just give him a BJ.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> Sex should be something both of you enjoy together. While I think it's "odd" that if distresses you to do it in the kitchen, I also think it's "odd" that your husband is pushing you to do it there when he knows the idea is unpleasant to you. It sounds like you're not withholding or prudish about sex in general, so why is he obsession over which rooms?
> 
> If you want to get past your aversion to sex in the kitchen, I'd try the towel/sheet ideas suggested, or tell hubby he can bend you over something, like the table or counter instead of smearing body fluids all over them.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the well wishes! It is only a small (1423 sq ft) townhouse but at least it is ours. We finally have a backyard! :smile2:

My husband is not pushing this issue fervently. He just wants to christen *every *room in the house. 

I would love to have sex in the backyard under the moonlight. It would have to be at night so as not to call any attention to us. We'll be next to a family with small kids, so of course I don't want to do anything to make our neighbours uncomfortable.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

What did your therapist say about this? Have you shared your childhood with your husband? Is it important to you to work on this? Do you see any relevance in doing so? 

The childhood conditioning can indeed impact you as an adult. You wrote that you feel anxiety about the boxes, not going to bed without the bathroom being cleaned, feeling uncomfortable in homes that are messy etc.. as well as your hesitation about having sex on the kitchen counter. I'd think dealing with the root cause is your way through it. Not just for sex in the kitchen with your husband but to allow you to have less anxiety. From a completely uneducated perspective, I'd offer taking small steps ...leaving something that you might otherwise 'have' to have clean that moment and slowly discover where that happy medium is. 

In the mean-time, maybe the hallway gets to be christened twice instead? Congrats on your new home!


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Quigster said:


> Childhood conditioning can have a very strong impact on your behavior as an adult, even if you are intellectually aware of the reasoning for your behavior. I'm terrified of people who drink because my father was an alcoholic. Even the scent of booze sends me into a mild panic attack. I remind myself that I'm not five years old any longer and that none of these people are going to explode at me in a drunken rage, but it's a gut response. I can't control it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My problem is that if our place is not extremely clean, I think it is dirty and it drives me crazy. You're right about the gut response. Cognitively, I am aware that constant cleaning is irrational and unnecessary. I just feel like I have to do it or else I am a dirty person and bad wife. 

My mother was very old fashioned. Ever see those old Home Economics movies from the 50's? That's how I was raised; to cook and clean up after my husband. When other kids were playing outside, I was stuck indoors with my mother in the kitchen or the laundry room. I was a radical feminist until I met my husband. 

When I got married 5 years ago, my mother hounded my husband with questions about how well I was keeping house. She even asked "What would you do if M wouldn't cook?"  My husband thought that her questions were ridiculous. He told my mom that I wasn't his maid.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> My problem is that if our place is not extremely clean, I think it is dirty and it drives me crazy. You're right about the gut response. Cognitively, I am aware that constant cleaning is irrational and unnecessary. I just feel like I have to do it or else I am a dirty person and bad wife.
> 
> My mother was very old fashioned. Ever see those old Home Economics movies from the 50's? That's how I was raised; to cook and clean up after my husband. When other kids were playing outside, I was stuck indoors with my mother in the kitchen or the laundry room. I was a radical feminist until I met my husband.
> 
> When I got married 5 years ago, my mother hounded my husband with questions about how well I was keeping house. She even asked "What would you do if M wouldn't cook?"  My husband thought that her questions were ridiculous. He told my mom that I wasn't his maid.


Maybe you should get some short term counseling for this issue. I say that very kindly, as someone who is in counseling .


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> What did your therapist say about this? Have you shared your childhood with your husband? Is it important to you to work on this? Do you see any relevance in doing so?
> 
> The childhood conditioning can indeed impact you as an adult. You wrote that you feel anxiety about the boxes, not going to bed without the bathroom being cleaned, feeling uncomfortable in homes that are messy etc.. as well as your hesitation about having sex on the kitchen counter. I'd think dealing with the root cause is your way through it. Not just for sex in the kitchen with your husband but to allow you to have less anxiety. From a completely uneducated perspective, I'd offer taking small steps ...leaving something that you might otherwise 'have' to have clean that moment and slowly discover where that happy medium is.
> 
> In the mean-time, maybe the hallway gets to be christened twice instead? Congrats on your new home!


My husband and I have been very open with each other about our childhoods. He says that what I told him about my childhood broke his heart; my husband wanted to protect that defenseless little girl I was when my mom was beating me and calling me names. 

My therapist and I have discussed my issues as well as where they came from. She has recommended small steps just like you did. Unfortunately, leaving things messy still upsets me a great deal. What a bloody headcase I am! 

Image was very important to my mother, so she has instilled the need for me to dress very nicely all the time, especially if I am around my in laws. I find it difficult to leave the house without putting my face on because I think that I look awful without make up. My siblings and me have to dress like models when we see our mother unless we want to listen to rude comments from her. People often compliment me on my appearance, my cooking and my taste in decor. If only they knew how much I tie myself in knots over these things; my mother succeeded in raising a very disciplined and organized taskmaster. 

I have to log off now to go spend time with my husband. I can't wait to take off my waist minimizer. It is so uncomfortable but it makes me look thinner. 

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts! I appreciate them.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Read this very carefully.


BREAKFAST is the most important meal of the day.

Now just do it!!!!😈


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Look, don't beat yourself up over wanting to keep a clean house and feeling a bit awkward about your husband grinding his butt all over the kitchen. My wife is a clean freak, so I understand. We also have a neighbor that is an extreme germaphobe. I often wonder if our neighbor makes her husband use hand sanitizer or something like that on his penis before she will have sex with him. Seriously, she carries around little wipes before she touches anything.

So in comparison to my neighbor, you seem perfectly healthy!!!! 

If anything, I've seen some documentaries on industrialized farming which kinda of do make me freak out about any surface in the kitchen that has been anywhere close to raw meats like chicken. Me personally, I'd be more worried about my own butt than the kitchen counters. 

If your husband insists on doing it in the kitchen, just roll in an office chair or a large ottoman and use that to stay away from the countertop surfaces.

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Look, don't beat yourself up over wanting to keep a clean house and feeling a bit awkward about your husband grinding his butt all over the kitchen. My wife is a clean freak, so I understand. We also have a neighbor that is an extreme germaphobe. I often wonder if our neighbor makes her husband use hand sanitizer or something like that on his penis before she will have sex with him. Seriously, she carries around little wipes before she touches anything.
> 
> So in comparison to my neighbor, you seem perfectly healthy!!!!
> 
> ...


Thanks! I don't want either of our asses or bodily fluids on our table or kitchen counter. The thought makes me want to throw up. 

I know that I'm anal about cleaning but I don't think that I'm a germophobe. I don't have an aversion to touching surfaces, shaking hands or wet kisses from loved one's children.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When My now ex wife and I moved into our new house, we had sex in the kitchen and neither one of us were on the counter or the table. She knelt down on a chair (her suggestion) and the kitchen was checked off the list.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Have sex standing up, with him entering from behind. You can lean over the counter or the table (with a tablecloth in place if that makes you feel better) and he does the deed from behind. That way, no bodily fluids will get on any surface. 

The only thing touching the surfaces will be your forearms as you lean over. And your hubby will be so excited, it'll probably all be over with very quickly &#55357;&#56832;.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Thanks for the well wishes! It is only a small (1423 sq ft) townhouse but at least it is ours. We finally have a backyard! :smile2:
> 
> My husband is not pushing this issue fervently. He just wants to christen *every *room in the house.
> 
> I would love to have sex in the backyard under the moonlight. It would have to be at night so as not to call any attention to us. We'll be next to a family with small kids, so of course I don't want to do anything to make our neighbours uncomfortable.


I was actually thinking about you and your dilemma today, LOL! I want to reiterate - if you just don't want to do it, don't feel bad about it. Your husband can always have that to look forward to "some" day.

But if you really want to do it, but can't get past your thoughts of it being gross/wrong/dirty - let me ask you this: Do you drink at all? If you do, I'd pick a good time to get liquored up and see if that alleviates your concerns. And again, bending over something with him behind you should not result in body fluids on your table or counter.

The back yard idea sounds romantic/exciting. I agree, definitely at night! And these days, with a blanket over you - who knows when the neighbor's kids are going to fly their night vision drone into your back yard!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Personal said:


> Although I've done it in a monorail carriage, on a beach in a park, on a stairwell in a block of units, in a nightclub, in a car, in a tent, in a caravan, in a bathroom, in a dining room, in a lounge room in a bedroom and on top of a table tennis table.
> 
> I have never done it in a kitchen!


Table tennis table? ....oh beHAVE!

I'm surprised it was sturdy enough. I don't even want to know what occurred with the ping pong balls.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Eureka! Get some handcuffs, lock your husband up under the sink, and keep him there until he finishes cleaning out all your pipes!


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> It isn't even comfortable to have sex on a countertop...


Well, we didn't order such a large slab of granite for our island for nothing, ya know... *grin*


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> Well, we didn't order such a large slab of granite for our island for nothing, ya know... *grin*


:rofl:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Incidentally, I could never handle the mess that comes with kids. Almost every parent I know has a filthy home.


So this cleaning compulsion really has taken hold of your life to an unhealthy level.

I'm not sure how to fix it, but you do need feedback that you sound pretty extreme. Maybe you should double down on those office visits with your therapist. Right after you bang the beejezus out of your husband on the kitchen counter.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Mrs.Submission said:


> When I got married 5 years ago, my mother hounded my husband with questions about how well I was keeping house. She even asked "What would you do if M wouldn't cook?"  My husband thought that her questions were ridiculous. He told my mom that I wasn't his maid.


You could invite your mother (or both parents) around for dinner to prove that you can cook. Then about an hour before they arrive go at it like rabbits on the dining table right where she will be sitting.

That might help drive the demons away.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

WonkyNinja said:


> You could invite your mother (or both parents) around for dinner to prove that you can cook. Then about an hour before they arrive go at it like rabbits on the dining table right where she will be sitting.
> 
> That might help drive the demons away.


I have had my parents over for dinner just once. I didn't want my mother to come because of how nasty she is to me but they were complaining about never seeing where I live. Surprisingly, she was actually friendly and kind during her visit. 

I'm sure that my parents will want to see our new home and I am already dreading that. Having a perfectionist mother who does not care about insulting me is exhausting.

I know that my issues may seem funny to others but they are very hard for me to live with.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Cletus said:


> So this cleaning compulsion really has taken hold of your life to an unhealthy level.
> 
> I'm not sure how to fix it, but you do need feedback that you sound pretty extreme. Maybe you should double down on those office visits with your therapist. Right after you bang the beejezus out of your husband on the kitchen counter.


Dirt and mess is only one reason that I do not want children. Except for my mother, every other mom I have known has had a very messy or filthy house. That's gross!

I doubt that an extra visit to my therapist will help as we have been working on this issue for a long time. It appears that this issue is too ingrained to change. I agree that cleaning compulsion is certainly unhealthy but it is also beneficial in some ways. Who wouldn't want to live in spotless home? 

I was cleaning the floor in our spare bedroom the other night and my husband came in to ask me to stop. I told him that I couldn't leave the floor dirty. Rather than argue with me about cleaning at night, my husband pulled me into his arms for a passionate kiss and then led me to bed. Smart guy. :laugh:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Dirt and mess is only one reason that I do not want children. Except for my mother, every other mom I have known has had a very messy or filthy house. That's gross!


No, that's your interpretation of every home you've ever seen that has children. It's not gross, it's your pathology. Why on earth would you think that every other mother in the world, yours excluded, is living in abject filth, and only you have it right? That's absurd on the face of it. 



> Who wouldn't want to live in spotless home?


Me. I would be afraid of tracking in dirt. Of leaving a book out in the wrong place. Of a million small untidy moments that would make life more like living in a museum and worrying what the curator will think than actually, you know, living.



> Rather than argue with me about cleaning at night, my husband pulled me into his arms for a passionate kiss and then led me to bed. Smart guy. :laugh:


Oh, he argued with you all right, and even won the argument. He just knows how to do it without words. Smart indeed.

It's your life, live it as you please. But don't drag the rest of us into it. More of us disagree with you than agree, and by no small margin.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Cletus said:


> No, that's your interpretation of every home you've ever seen that has children. It's not gross, it's your pathology. Why on earth would you think that every other mother in the world, yours excluded, is living in abject filth, and only you have it right? That's absurd on the face of it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


When did I say that "every mother in the world had a messy house"? I specified the mothers *that I knew.*, so please stop putting words in my mouth! If someone's house reeks of rotten food, there are crayon marks all over the walls, a thick coat of animal hair on the carpet and toys all over the floor, that house is not clean. I think that most people who do not live like pigs would agree with me. 

To be honest Cletus, I feel like you have unfairly attacked me more than once on this forum and I am not here for that. Your posts to me are filled with sarcasm and snide remarks. I'm not sure why you want to take shots at someone who clearly has unresolved trauma from childhood. Nobody else approaches me in such an aggressive manner, which tells me that you are the one with the problem. Before you say that you are just being honest and I can't take it, remember that there are ways to be honest with people without being nasty to them. Either you haven't learned that or you have a personal problem with me that I can't identify.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Mrs.Submission said:


> When did I say that "every mother in the world had a messy house"? I specified the mothers *that I knew.*, so please stop putting words in my mouth!


Ok, not every mother in the world. Yet you don't know of even one counter-example from among all of the mothers you do know. 

If you don't like my communication style, and I certainly understand that not everyone does, then you are free to put me in your ignore list. You posted in a public forum, and you'll get responses from all kinds. There are plenty of people who will offer a shoulder to cry on. I'm not one of them. 

If you don't want to hear what the rest of the world thinks about your unwillingness to have sex on the kitchen counter, don't ask for our opinions. I have no ill will against you. But your OCD cleaning problem is not normal and ultimately not healthy, for you or the people in your life. You should be praised for trying to understand it and correct it. Good on you. 

There's no sarcasm, snide remarks, dishonesty, or venom in anything I wrote here or in the previous response, even if it's not what you wanted to hear.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mrs. Submission,

One of the side benefits of my avocation is that I meet a lot of people, and live with them for short periods of time. I've worked with two kids who were OCD. One diagnosed, one not. The diagnosed one was less severe in his compulsion than you are. I like what your husband is doing. His approach is helping you. This discussion is pushing at your boundaries. I'm glad you started it. You are finding ways around your obsession. I think there are a few you even find funny. 

Your decision not to have children is yours. I won't advise you on that, but will agree that homes with children are dirtier than homes without. I think your descriptions are a reflection of how your obsession taints your view of the world around you. (little mess looks like big mess to a person with OCD) But, I have no objective proof, they may be as bad as you say. Anyway you have enough on your plate without kids.

As to dealing with mom's visit. I had a overbearing parent. I used to dread visits, but like you they were never as bad as I thought they would be. Your Husband handles your mom very well. Hopefully your mother will mellow with age like my dad did.

Try to keep the sex fun in your relationship. 
MN


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I just can't stomach cooking or eating on the same surfaces that our bare asses and cum have been on. It seems unhygienic.


It might surprise you to find out that many people eat bare asses and cum and they fare just fine.

You sound rather OCD when it comes to cleanliness and germs.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> Well, we didn't order such a large slab of granite for our island for nothing, ya know... *grin*


Please replace the panel on the bottom of your dishwasher, especially if you've got toddlers crawling around. It's a potential hazard and it takes away from the aesthetics of the kitchen.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Tobin said:


> It might surprise you to find out that many people eat bare asses and cum and they fare just fine.
> 
> You sound rather OCD when it comes to cleanliness and germs.


Are you joking?:laugh:

Why would it _surprise _me that people swallow cum or eat bare asses? I may be too anal about cleaning but I'm not a naive virgin. I have swallowed my husband's cum and he has lightly bit my ass cheeks. However, none of this happened in the same place that we ate and cooked. 

Yes, I agree that I probably have OCD.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Are you joking?:laugh:
> 
> Why would it _surprise _me that people swallow cum or eat bare asses? I may be too anal about cleaning but I'm not a naive virgin. I have swallowed my husband's cum and he has lightly bit my ass cheeks. However, none of this happened in the same place that we ate and cooked.
> 
> Yes, I agree that I probably have OCD.


Wipe the countertop with a disinfectant wipe when you're finished and call it a day.

Something about the occasional unexpected impulsiveness of sex against the kitchen counter with pants around the ankles makes it extra special.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> Mrs. Submission,
> 
> One of the side benefits of my avocation is that I meet a lot of people, and live with them for short periods of time. I've worked with two kids who were OCD. One diagnosed, one not. The diagnosed one was less severe in his compulsion than you are. I like what your husband is doing. His approach is helping you. This discussion is pushing at your boundaries. I'm glad you started it. You are finding ways around your obsession. I think there are a few you even find funny.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Of course houses with kids are dirtier than houses without kids...unless the parents are drill sergeants and beat their kids for not being perfectly clean. 

I agree that I have tried to take a hard look at my compulsion. Besides therapy, posting about this issue on TAM has been very helpful. I think that I should read some books about OCD. I do not want any medication as I am already being treated with pills for my Complex PTSD. 

The visits aren't as bad as I think they are but I am always vigilant because my mother has embarrassed me more than once. She burps loudly and asks us for money all the time. I don't like being around mean people who enjoy criticizing me either. My mom has mellowed with age but sometimes she becomes horribly insulting with no warning. She's angry that I don't allow her to run my life because she's a control freak who needs to dominate everyone. 

Lovemaking is great in our marriage. My husband has helped me get past many hangups and aversions. He is the best lover I have ever had and he makes me feel like a very sexy woman. I look forward to each encounter with a smile and I often oblige his requests even if they make me a little bit uncomfortable. My husband knows how to be enticing and persuasive. In fact...he's going to be home soon so I'm going to go freshen up and put on some lingerie. >


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Tobin said:


> Wipe the countertop with a disinfectant wipe when you're finished and call it a day.
> 
> Something about the occasional unexpected impulsiveness of sex against the kitchen counter with pants around the ankles makes it extra special.


My husband loves to push up my dresses and bend me over furniture. 

When he does this, he never wants me to take off all of my clothes.

I would use a bucket of hot water mixed with bleach and Pine Sol. Disinfectant wipes alone aren't enough.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I am always vigilant because my mother has embarrassed me more than once. She burps loudly and asks us for money all the time.


Here's an idea. Do it on the table just before she arrives at your place for dinner.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> My husband loves to push up my dresses and bend me over furniture.
> 
> When he does this, he never wants me to take off all of my clothes.



I'm the same way when it comes to clothing half on.. its so much hotter for reasons that I'm not even sure about.



Mrs.Submission said:


> I would use a bucket of hot water mixed with bleach and Pine Sol. Disinfectant wipes alone aren't enough.


That's a bit much dontchya thing?

Therapy will cost less in the long run.


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## LostinNE (Aug 31, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Lovemaking is great in our marriage. My husband has helped me get past many hangups and aversions. He is the best lover I have ever had and he makes me feel like a very sexy woman. I look forward to each encounter with a smile and I often oblige his requests even if they make me a little bit uncomfortable. My husband knows how to be enticing and persuasive. In fact...he's going to be home soon so I'm going to go freshen up and put on some lingerie. >


He say you're husband has helped you with past hang ups/aversions/etc. 

What hang ups did you have in the past?
How was his approach in helping you with them?
Now that your past that other hang up now, is it something you enjoy now or you'll just 'do it for him', ...?
Is THIS aversion different than the others, or were you just as anxious with another one ,...?


I think if you can answer these questions about yourself, you can figure out how to proceed with this one


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Tobin said:


> I'm the same way when it comes to clothing half on.. its so much hotter for reasons that I'm not even sure about.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nope. I think it is necessary to wipe everything away. 

Disinfectant wipes are for quick small jobs. 

I am already in therapy. I thought I mentioned that.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> Here's an idea. Do it on the table just before she arrives at your place for dinner.


Someone made that joke already.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

LostinNE said:


> He say you're husband has helped you with past hang ups/aversions/etc.
> 
> What hang ups did you have in the past?
> How was his approach in helping you with them?
> ...


I don't want to list my hangups as I don't want anyone on this forum to use them against me later. 

His approach was not about forcing or badgering. He was very sympathetic about my aversions and how they came about. My husband also only pushed my boundaries when I was already aroused. If I started to look uncomfortable or I angrily said no, he would stop immediately. 

This aversion is different from the others because I'm appalled at the thought of fluids and stray pubes mixing with my food.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> This aversion is different from the others because I'm appalled at the thought of fluids and stray pubes mixing with my food.


Use a towel for the fluids and shave both your genitals down to the bare skin or better yet wax or laser. 

I wish all problems were solved this easily.


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## LostinNE (Aug 31, 2015)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I don't want to list my hangups as I don't want anyone on this forum to use them against me later.
> 
> His approach was not about forcing or badgering. He was very sympathetic about my aversions and how they came about. My husband also only pushed my boundaries when I was already aroused. If I started to look uncomfortable or I angrily said no, he would stop immediately.
> 
> This aversion is different from the others because I'm appalled at the thought of fluids and stray pubes mixing with my food.


So this aversion is different than the others . In what way? Were the other ones just 'things you couldn't see yourself doing' where this one is simply Appalling ?

-Is he sympathetic to this aversion and how it came about?
-Does he attempt to push this boundary only when your aroused?



So my question is :
If you felt he was sympathetic to your POV and he only tried to lead you to this when you are aroused? Do you think you can do it ? Or Hell No?


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Tobin said:


> Use a towel for the fluids and shave both your genitals down to the bare skin or better yet wax or laser.
> 
> I wish all problems were solved this easily.


I had a shaved bush for years and I grew it back for many reasons. I'd rather just trim and so would my husband. 

Pubes are only a part of the problem as well. 

I greatly appreciate your hints. :smile2:


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

LostinNE said:


> So this aversion is different than the others . In what way? Were the other ones just 'things you couldn't see yourself doing' where this one is simply Appalling ?
> 
> -Is he sympathetic to this aversion and how it came about?
> -Does he attempt to push this boundary only when your aroused?
> ...


I don't know. My husband would have to try that when we move into our home. 

Oh yes...my husband is very sympathetic to all of my aversions and how they came about. He sees me as a strong woman for all that I have survived and the way I work on my issues. 

On a happier note, I am so looking forward for sex all over our new house. It is our way of marking our territory.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Mrs.Submission said:


> Thank you. Of course houses with kids are dirtier than houses without kids...unless the parents are drill sergeants and beat their kids for not being perfectly clean.


:frown2:



Mrs.Submission said:


> She burps loudly and asks us for money all the time.


:surprise:

Sheesh, if she's doing that, what makes her think she's so superior that she can judge you!!??

I can't remember if you already said this but she is mentally ill, I assume. I'm sorry you went through all of that, and what you go through now. 

Mean parents suck. :|


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mrs.Submission said:


> I don't know. My husband would have to try that when we move into our home.
> 
> Oh yes...my husband is very sympathetic to all of my aversions and how they came about. *He sees me as a strong woman for all that I have survived and the way I work on my issues. *
> 
> On a happier note, I am so looking forward for sex all over our new house. It is our way of marking our territory.


You are a very strong woman to have survived your mother and to be working on the issues that came about because you had to survive childhood with a mean abusive controlling mother!

Your husband sounds like a true gem!

How do you feel about christening the kitchen now? Has all this talk made it better or worse? Do you feel more in control or do you feel even more anxiety about it potentially happening?

You obviously trust your husband so my bet is that when/if the kitchen christening does happen, he will ensure you're okay about it. Maybe just the threshold into the kitchen, backing you against the wall break...?

I agree with FaithfulWife, mean parents suck!


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

I know it's already been suggested, but you haven't really answered... Could you do it standing up at the counter? No mess or cleanup on kitchen surfaces, and still lots of fun!


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> You are a very strong woman to have survived your mother and to be working on the issues that came about because you had to survive childhood with a mean abusive controlling mother!
> 
> Your husband sounds like a true gem!
> 
> ...


He is wonderful. I don't know what my husband is doing with a headcase like me. 

The talk has helped me realize that my issues with cleanliness are worse than I thought. 

I'll probably get anxious and squirmy if my husband tries to lift me on the counter. He's good at helping me calm down though...lots of kissing and whispering.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

NoSizeQueen said:


> I know it's already been suggested, but you haven't really answered... Could you do it standing up at the counter? No mess or cleanup on kitchen surfaces, and still lots of fun!


 @NoSizeQueen come on, you know when a man has an orgasm that it is like throwing a hand grenade of bodily fluids into a room with a blast radius of a circle of about a 100 square feet in size. 

So you have never been getting it on with your man and things got a little crazy, and all the sudden you did *not* see "where it went!" Only to get up a few minutes later and when you put your shirt back on that was laying over the headboard of the bed that you suddenly find a cold icky surprise as you flip it right side out and slide it back on over your face! Seriously, that has never happened to you? 

Now imagine guests coming over and having that happen with the side of a coffee mug or perhaps you turn the oven light on, only to reveal in inappropriate splatter mark now suddenly baked into your favorite cookie sheet that was stored there that you thought was clean. 

Seriously, think of a bodily fluid hand grenade!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@badsanta, not helping!


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## confusedinTX (May 9, 2008)

If you are planning on kids at some point you will have to relax on the cleaning a lot. It is hard. My mom was OCD about it but I can either have a medium where my house is not perfect but fairly clean and have time to play with both the kids and husband or not. As for the kitchen there is a flood or put a blanket down. Enjoy the time where you can have sex where ever.


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