# The "Man Cave"



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I've spent the last couple of weeks renovating a spare bedroom in the house from a "storage" room into a private space for myself.

Call it a "Man Cave" or whatever you wish. I wanted to have an adult setting for when friends visit, reading, relaxing.

Painted it to color I wanted, bought new furniture, new artwork on the wall, new computer area, etc. All done to my taste and preference. Even installed a liquor cabinet (though I don't really drink liquor that much) and added some high end bottles. It had sort of a 1940s leather office feel to it.

The idea is to set up a private space for myself to enjoy. 

My wife thinks it's a great idea and is onboard with "privacy" aspect. (Though, there isn't and won't be locks on any door) There are no kids to worry about getting into things either.

So let's here it. Do you have a space that you have reserved for just yourself? How does your partner respond?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Painted it to color I wanted, bought new furniture, new artwork on the wall, new computer area, etc. All done to my taste and preference. Even installed a liquor cabinet (though I don't really drink liquor that much) and added some high end bottles. It had sort of a 1940s leather office feel to it.
> 
> So let's here it. Do you have a space that you have reserved for just yourself? How does your partner respond?


My wife understands that I need a block of time to unwind every day because my job can be quite insane. She has an area she uses that is connected to the bedroom, also. I also take international calls at night or early morning, so we found a house with a bonus room. At first, having an area set aside wasn't at the top of her list, but then she offered the "study" as a way to keep me from putting up velvet Elvis posters everywhere and my prized Pabst Blue Ribbon light over the dining room table (I'm just kidding!). Seriously, she got one room to decorate as she wanted, and I got my study. Desk space, old world geography art on the walls, a sofa on the other side of the room.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

LOl about the velvet Elvis. I was jokingly going to hang a HUGE "Dogs playing Poker" just to see the look on my wife's face.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mistys dad said:


> So let's here it. Do you have a space that you have reserved for just yourself? How does your partner respond?


 Sorry to invade the Men's clubhouse....I have asked my husband about this "Cave thing" a # of times over the years.... I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ...it talked specifiically about the importance of the "CAVE" for men- they need it, and women not getting this. When I read that book years ago, I remember thinking to myself ...My husband isn't like this at all ! I recall even asking him about it, the answer always the same -he doesn't need one. 

The last time I asked, I'll never forget what he said (what a romanticist)......."IF I had a cave, I'd want you in it". 

Even when he goes outside to tinker in the garage, have a beer, turn on the radio, he still wants me to come out there & keep him company. Never needs to unwind, happy when he hits the door, never a hint of complaining he wants to be left alone..... He may make some funny expressions when all the kids are running up to him "Dad , Dad , Dad" .... he might say ... "everybody needs me, there is not enough of me to go around!" ... but he says it with a smile .... he loves it somehow. 

I often wonder if there are ANY other men like this out there? He is so odd...... but how can I not love this part. 

If he needed a cave & wanted to devote a room, I would surely understand though.....I know how "normal" this is --for men!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i have a small escape room i built in the garage. i often sleep in it. TV, AC, heater, gun safe, deer head, it aint much but it gets the job done


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry to invade the Men's clubhouse....I have asked my husband about this "Cave thing" a # of times over the years.... I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ...it talked specifiically about the importance of the "CAVE" for men- they need it, and women not getting this. When I read that book years ago, I remember thinking to myself ...My husband isn't like this at all ! I recall even asking him about it, the answer always the same -he doesn't need one.
> 
> The last time I asked, I'll never forget what he said (what a romanticist)......."IF I had a cave, I'd want you in it".
> 
> ...


Hi SA ~

I tell you. I just love you and your husband. It sounds like such a great marriage you have! 

My husband is kind of like yours in that he doesn't seem to want or need a man cave.

Now, what does it mean if *I* need and have one? Because that's what it is like in our house.  I have my own cave - maybe it's because I am the type of person who has to have some time to decompress and be alone at times in order to keep my sanity. Even if the door isn't closed, everybody stands outside of it and looks in first to see if they can come in. 

I can totally get needing a space that feels like it is your 'own' and needing time to decompress - as long as that isn't the only place that you spend your time and it's not used just to hide from everyone and your responsibilities all the time.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H likes me to spend time in his '2x mancaves too! Although I don't go in them when he's not around. There not locked or anything but I consider them his space.

One is his office... he has a desk, filing cabinet for personal/business papers, tv (for sport) and his rugby posters.
He likes me to sit on the desk and we play 'secretaries and bosses'.
So that's a fun room!

His other place is his 'man-shed...where he keeps all his tools and his 'gear'. He likes to 'tinker' in there...not sure what tinkering is.. I gather it's a male thing!

I love his shed...it's like an Aladdins Cave...full of all sorts of wonders and treasures he finds everyday. 

I have my own wee lounge which is off our bedroom. It has my books, a fab sound system and a lovely seating area....and NO TV!

H is welcome to my boudoir anytime...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> I can totally get needing a space that feels like it is your 'own' and needing time to decompress - as long as that isn't the only place that you spend your time and it's not used just to hide from everyone and your responsibilities all the time.


I agree that it shouldn't be the place we spend a lot of time in, also, but in a wierd sort of way, my room has become a place my wife goes when she wants a cozy together time with me - and this is why we put a comfy sofa in it. We even turn on the computer projector and watch movies alone, or just play board games. I guess that this technically makes it not a man cave because I like having her in it. Its funny, but the kids may be watching something on the big screen, in the family room, but sometimes they'll notice that my wife and I have slipped away to the study, and the next thing you know, the whole family is there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> Now, what does it mean if *I* need and have one? Because that's what it is like in our house.  I have my own cave - maybe it's because I am the type of person who has to have some time to decompress and be alone at times in order to keep my sanity. Even if the door isn't closed, everybody stands outside of it and looks in first to see if they can come in.


 I guess it is like anything else, not all men are the same, and not all women. It'd be boring if we were, right! It's just much more of a common denominator for men - they don't need or care to be socially available all the time, especially after a hard days work. 

Women are more likely to get excited, emotional about something (good or bad) & immediately call a friend to share or run to their husbands- to unload, we like to talk things out, this is our decompressing many times & a recharging ....in this respect... I am all woman I guess..... I never needed a cave either...at least not from my husband, I always want him near. There was never a time I felt different really. 

Now when it comes to girlfriends, I only want to spend so much time, then I want away from them. I do enjoy space I guess from most people, one of the reasons I always wanted to live in the country, I love the peace & quiet -without people being on top of me everywhere I look. 

...and I heartily enjoy getting away from the kids! Running outside with a book & lying on a Hammock in the summer & telling them to "leave me alone"----that's a nice escape for me!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Since my wife buggered off my whole house is a man cave.
The former Lounge is now stereo and music room. I have new speakers [ Mordaunt-Short] and a new amp is on the list. 
Mixer and mic permanently plugged in. Amp is set to four. Not two.

Kitchen has a drinks table with drinks on it and a couple of comfy chairs for male friends. 
Bedroom has a computer in it.
TV is tuned to man channels.
The couch is leather and big enough to do what men and women do on couches. Has had use.

Dug up all the poxy plants and put in vegies.

Funny thing is my Ex visited and said. "Oh, your house is nice!" She wants to come back.. hmmm


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

*Dean* said:


> don't want her touching anything or cleaning up.


Once, very early in our relationship (I was about 19-20 yrs old) I decided to 'organise' all his rubbish (what he calls his gear)
He came home from work and i had a skip in the driveway and was throwing out all his stuff.
What was i thinking????? 

He jumped in the skip and recovered all the best stuff and retreated back to his man-shed.
It took him a couple of hours before he could come and tell how wrong i was...I had no idea...I thought i was helping..doh!

I will NEVER ever do anything like that again... in fact I still cringe when I think about it.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

We have a library in our house. There's a reading table, a day bed in addition to the book. Separated from that is my personal work space and reading area with my private collection of books (nothing dirty... you perverts).

The kids have started calling it "Dad's room" because I spend so much time in there. If I want to get away, I can sit in my chair, grab a book and put on my headphones or watch something on my computer through Netflix, and will be undisturbed for literally hours.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry to invade the Men's clubhouse....I have asked my husband about this "Cave thing" a # of times over the years.... I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ...it talked specifiically about the importance of the "CAVE" for men- they need it, and women not getting this. When I read that book years ago, I remember thinking to myself ...My husband isn't like this at all ! I recall even asking him about it, the answer always the same -he doesn't need one.
> 
> The last time I asked, I'll never forget what he said (what a romanticist)......."IF I had a cave, I'd want you in it".
> 
> ...


I am very much like your husband. I spend all day away from my wife and when I get home, I want to be with her. I get home late two or three nights a week anyway and don't get that chance. I would bet your husband is like I am in that one of his love languages is "quality time." Besides that, our house is too small to have a "man cave." 

That being said, both of us score as introverts on the Myers/Briggs so we each need some alone time. I have a workbench in the basement for my hobby (clock repair) and in the summer I can sit on the patio in our backyard garden for hours reading and listening to the birds. Most of the the time that I do clockwork or sit on the patio is when she is not home or busy with something else. 

(Sitting TOGETHER on the patio and talking is a highlight of my summer as well as making love out there...but that is a bit off topic!)


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my wifes cave is our (her) master bedroom. she took it over years ago and has made it her own private toxic waste dump. i moved out of it 3 years ago so she could waller in her filth


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

SA. Love the poster. ; )

The motorcycle stuff has it's own place. In the barn with the tools.

Interesting responces. I have to admit that I thought my wife might object. I was pleasantly surprised that she liked the idea.

I actually have the house to myself most days, as she works out of state during the week. But for the most part the house is her "tone".


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Mistys dad...what did you think your wife would object to? Giving up the space or ???


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've made a point to make sure our house is OUR house. We both participated in the selection of pretty much everything. If anything I've catered more to his tastes than mine because I've learned those things matter more to him than they do me.

Having said that while there is no official 'man cave' there is no lack of space for him to hang out alone.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

My man cave was my 2005 mustang. Feeling down. Just go out for a drive and everything was better.

Too bad I had to sell it due to the economy.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I hope you don't mind me "intruding" in the Man Cave AND in the Clubhouse!! .......but I was curious about this, mostly as my husband has no desire to have a cave. 

I remember our friends, a married couple, and the husband created a man cave very similar to how you've described. He was very excited about it  and when a few of us (couples) were at their home, he rounded up the men towards the end of the evening, to retreat to his cave for a drink. Hubs felt a bit weird about it, to be honest. Didn't feel natural to him, he wanted to be around me AND them. The next time we visited and that time came for the men to do whatever it is they do in there (have a drink and talk manly things), my husband declined and stayed with me instead. Before the guys of the clubhouse throw tomatoes at this point, I have to say it really touched me when he told me he preferred my company and wanted to hang out with me. He didn't care so much to fit in for the sake of social niceties I guess. He just did what he wanted to do in that scenario.

The kitchen has very recently become my "cave" in a way. I love listening to music and cooking. This relaxes me. I like to be in my own space for this. When hubs cooks he likes me there with him. I wheel my guitar stool in and sit and chat while he cooks. So out of the two of us, I suppose I'm more prone to loner-mode.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I guess the design thing doesn't apply much in our home because we choose everything together and it's usually slanted more to the masculine/neutral style.... and I suppose my interests are similar to my husband's, so I'd have no problem with certain posters or whatever being up. We both like comic books, sci-fi related stuff, records etc. Sorry if I'm missing the point with this lol, but I guess if he wanted to hang a Batman poster up in the front room I'd be all for it!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> I am very much like your husband. I spend all day away from my wife and when I get home, I want to be with her. I get home late two or three nights a week anyway and don't get that chance. I would bet your husband is like I am in that one of his love languages is "quality time." Besides that, our house is too small to have a "man cave."
> 
> That being said, both of us score as introverts on the Myers/Briggs so we each need some alone time. I have a workbench in the basement for my hobby (clock repair) and in the summer I can sit on the patio in our backyard garden for hours reading and listening to the birds. Most of the the time that I do clockwork or sit on the patio is when she is not home or busy with something else.
> 
> (Sitting TOGETHER on the patio and talking is a highlight of my summer as well as making love out there...but that is a bit off topic!)


Yes... *Quality Time* is on the top of his list .... we have taken a couple of those tests (did a thread on it ) and *Physical Touch *& *Time *are in competition - for both of us .....so yeah it all makes sense ..... then *Words of Affirmation *is following right behind.... I am an extrovert , he is an Introvert. He would even classify himself as a Loner... but never with me. 

.... This particular 3-some combination on the top of the Love Languages tree .... I am convinced makes up the Hopelessly Romantic souls of our world, and when you are one, then marry one....Life is a pleasure ride every darn day. 

I asked him last night, out of curiosity, after reading Enchantments thoughts ....how he would feel If I needed a "cave".... He said .... "I wouldn't like it, wouldn't like it at all". Now I know him, if that was the case, he wouldn't say a darn thing! ..... but he is being honest, he is happy that I don't. 

.....It is not like we are glued together (I know it sounds this way)... he does his thing- while I do mine many times ....just like your example above....when she is busy, you are off doing your hobby in the basement.... we are the same...we manage our time exactly like that in fact.'

He was fixing a train the other day, I was on here, many times he has his computer time, while I have mine, but funny... we do prefer to be in the same room together....... 

.....He says he likes knowing if he wants to come over to me- at any time, I am not going to reject his presence, that I need to get away somehow. He wouldn't like that feeling of being "shut out", even if just for a short time. Not that we should look at it this way ...but well, I guess he does !

We have even walked to the silly mail box together- just cause well......we like to be together.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is some ideas for you men :


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No more man cave for me, got my c-ck on a leash nowadays. This sux


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

waiwera said:


> Mistys dad...what did you think your wife would object to? Giving up the space or ???


Ya giving up the space was one concern.

The other was the overt decor of the room. We have always tried to decide together how to decorate the house, although to be fair, I'm better at the decorating. Most of the house has a neutral to slightly "wife tone" to it.

This room has darker colors, black leather furniture and leather grain filing cabinets, some "old style" Harley Davidson type memorabilia, a liquor cabinet, fishing rod rack etc.

I'm an organized person by nature, my wife is not. This room was kind of a cluttered, catch all, storage room. It had a computer set up that I used. I had to step over, around and through "stuff". Well, the computer took a swan dive after something fell over on it. That moment I decided to aggressively unclutter the space and turn it into something I found useful.

Blissful organization....aaahhhhhh.

Love having my wife around, when she is here. Also love some solitary time to clear my head. Prior to building this space, my solitary times were on solo motorcycle trips.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I never had a room designated as a man cave, but I did enjoy some "me" time. I always enjoyed listening to music to unwind and just for enjoyment. I'm probably one of the few dinosaurs left who can listen to music as an activity(like in the old days when everyone gathered around the Victrola) instead of in the background while another activity is going on, like washing the car or cooking.

I would go to the bedroom and do that, but I never actually announced that I needed free time, I just sorta took it. I'm divorced now, so I guess whatever i did didn't work too well.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I got the garage. theres a beer fridge and a bunch of tools and an old beat up pool table.

I also have a work space in the basement with some tools and a work bench.

thats all I need


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

We have a computer room, my wife regards it as a man cave, but i dont... if she had a room for herself, i'd regard each as our own. The Computer is currently in the living room... i like to be around her. so now that lil room she calls man cave sits empty!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Don't need one. I have the living room tweaked the way I like it. 5.1 surround with a 15in sub and a 50 in plasma. BD player, HD-DVD player (did hear a bit about being an early adopter on that dead format), DVD-A- SACD player, PS3 and a Denon AVR. She has a "mini cave" downstairs with a desktop cpu and a 42in plasma. She has never said a word about the front towers in the speaker setup, but did stop me short on getting a projector. Told me it's a living room not a movie theater.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I would love to see a man-cave set up as the Starship Enterprise.


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