# Wife Not interested in Sex - What to do??



## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

Hi all.
This is my first post on the site as I am beginning to feel concerned about the intimacy in my marriage.
Let me give you some background, my wife and I have been married for 2 years and were together for 2 years before we were married. We are both in our very late 20's Intimacy was never a problem in the early days of our relationship and we always had fun together however over the last 18 months and since we have been married, my wifes interest in intimacy and sex has completely gone. We have no kids or anybody living in our house.

Right now it has been approx 7 weeks since we last had sex. I could probably count on 1 hand the number of times we have had sex this year and it was much the same last year too.

Before we were together my wife enjoyed serial dating, enjoyed sex and craved and loved the attention from men. She also did glamour modelling and also now does webcam work which guys pay for. She has got a mountain of sexy outfits, shoes, objects etc. which she had used on shoots and dressed up in before but now never get used or see the light of day.

The only time we ever have anything getting close to intimacy is when she is on webcam talking to paying guys and decides that she is in the mood. She wants to watch me play and make herself orgasm. She doesnt let me touch her at all, and I dont have any involvement in arousing her and its usually over in a flash with no intimacy, closeness, kissing or anything.

Now I wouldnt say that I was a demanding husband or a lazy one, I earn enough that she doesnt work during the day, I look after her, do my chores around the house, do things for her, regularly tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is and when we kiss we still have passion but she is very quick to say 'I dont want sex' afterwards. Everytime I have tried to make her feel wanted and cared for its like she doesnt ever notice or really ever want sex or intimacy. I now do not bother ever trying to ignite any spark for intimacy as it never leads anywhere. Yes we still kiss and cuddle but I now just assume that it isn't going anywhere and leave it at that. I would add I was never that expectant before, but it was always a nice thing when it did. We even used to send naughty texts to each other but that doesnt happen anymore.

She makes jokes to her friends as women do about withholding sex as punishment to me as if we have a normal sex life, but I really dont think we have anything approaching normal. Im sure our other friends who joke about not having sex since they were married have it a lot more frequently than we do. 
I never thought I would have to emotionally fight this hard to have an intimate relationship with my wife considering her enjoyment of sex before we were together and in the early days of our relationship. I mean you hear stories of couples sex lives drying up once you are married but it shouldnt be when you are still relative newly weds... surely not.. 

I cant even remember the last time we truly made love, I think it may have been just after we were married..since then its always been like a chore for her, she hasnt really connected with me and again its over before anything ever gets going with no kissing or closeness.

I have tried talking to her about it on many occasions to try and find out if there is something i've done, something im doing, something bothering her or absolutely anything wrong, all that happens is she gets defensive, refuses to discuss it and then gets angry at me for even questioning things.

Im at a loss as to what I am supposed to do. My wife doesnt want to talk about it but seems to think that this is quite normal. Ive found myself looking for people to meet online just for no strings interaction as I feel so rejected and almost feel that I wouldnt even regret it right now.

Any help and advice from anyone would be a great help to me.
Thank you all


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

You're married, your wife doesn't have sex with you much, but she is on webcams with other guys. She "jokes" to her friends about withholding sex as punishment.

Dude you're with the wrong woman!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

My guess would be she isn't interested in having sex with you because shes getting her jollies with the guys on the webcam! Since you know she does this, why are you even allowing this?


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

she only really does it to earn money. im always there when shes online doing it.


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## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

I agree that it sounds like she is being selfish. Although I don't think it is right for you to be online trying to find a no strings attatched interaction. You say you crave intimacy but that isn't intimacy. Personally I think her online gig is borderline cheating , at least its cheating you of intimacy with her. I don't know why wives turn down their husbands unless there is a deeper emotional issue.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

UKGuyneedingadvice said:


> she only really does it to earn money. im always there when shes online doing it.


She has no other way to earn money? There are other jobs out there I'm sure she could find. 

Sounds like this "money earning" is helping you have a miserable marriage.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

this isnt a new thing..she was doing this before we were together and when we still had intimacy and an active sex life.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Just some suggestions. 

Turn off the web cam, sit her down and tell her you do not approve of her earning money this way. Let her know your marriage is suffering and you would like to try and save it. Ask her does she want to be married, if she says yes, then to prove that to you, she needs to find another way to earn money. 

It does not matter if this is something she did before. What matters now is, the problems you all are faced with now because of this. I'm not saying this is the whole reason she isn't interested in having sex with you, but it could be at least part of it. 

Do you mind her being on web cam with these other guys?


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

no im not really that bothered by the webcamming thing to be honest. I know that she seems that unbothered by sex that 99% of the time she never gets in the mood on it anyway. Its more that if she does get in the mood, she just wants to see me masturbate and orgasm. I have no interaction with her...


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

UKGuyneedingadvice said:


> no im not really that bothered by the webcamming thing to be honest. I know that she seems that unbothered by sex that 99% of the time she never gets in the mood on it anyway. Its more that if she does get in the mood, she just wants to see me masturbate and orgasm. I have no interaction with her...


Its highly possible she web cams with other guys too,when you're not home. Perhaps she has met someone online that she is interested in. 

You have no interaction with her? That is sad! What are you all married for? 

Bottom line, do you want to try and save your marriage?


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

the webcam thing isnt the problem to be honest, she is literally only doing that to earn money, I am pretty confident of that, she is not really ever that enthused about doing it as she doesnt want to have to do it really.

The problem is that we just dont have any intimacy, we never get close enough to have sex or anything, its always just a kiss and a cuddle, thats as far as it goes not that the kissing isn't still passionate when we want it to be. As I said, I've given up trying to push it a bit further as it goes either unnoticed or she gets annoyed at me trying or even mentioning something about sex. so I've gradually put less and less effort into trying to take things that bit further.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Ok well web cam or not, there is a disconnect there.

Even if you're not bothered by the web cam thing, its possible she has met someone else. Maybe even not through the web cam. Apparently her interest is somewhere else. 

If you don't want to push things further or get to the root of what may or may not be going then just had her separation/divorce papers.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

its not that I dont want to get to the bottom of things, she just wont talk to me about it. She refuses to talk about it and gets annoyed when I do try. She just makes out like everything is ok.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

UKGuyneedingadvice said:


> its not that I dont want to get to the bottom of things, she just wont talk to me about it. She refuses to talk about it and gets annoyed when I do try. She just makes out like everything is ok.


So what, let her get annoyed. Of course shes going to get annoyed, it's how she gets to avoid anything being talked about or dealt with. She is off the hook of having to deal with her failing marriage. She doesn't act like she wants to be married.

She is doing whatever she wants, while you don't push the issue because you're afraid she is going to get annoyed. So, if that is how you're choosing to handle it, or not, then this is the way your marriage will probably continue to be.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

She has been like that all her life, she is a bit of a spoilt brat...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sounds like she may have met someone else, and doesn't want to 'cheat' on him, with you! 

The webcamming thing...ya...not sure why you let your wife work in the sex trade, whether or not she was doing it before you two hooked up. It's borderline prostitution, but if you don't have a problem with that, I suppose it is your choice.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

It would be extremely stupid of her to have met someone else, we've just bought a house together this year and she is never away from the house long enough to have an affair.

She just seems completely uninterested in anything relating to sex full stop.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You have done nothing so far but had excuses for things. Apparently this isn't something you wish to try and work out. Sometimes if there is anything worth having, there is some work that is required to be done. If you don't want to try and work on things, or you feel she doesn't either then just let it go, or get a divorce.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

I think the only thing I can do is actually have the discussion with her about it all. its just not a nice thing to face the fact that its gonna be a **** time as soon as i bring it up.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

UKGuyneedingadvice said:


> I think the only thing I can do is actually have the discussion with her about it all. its just not a nice thing to face the fact that its gonna be a **** time as soon as i bring it up.


Here are some more suggestions. 

If you're not bothered by the web cam thing. And if you feel she hasn't met someone else, then maybe suggest her seeing her doctor. See if they can run some tests and rule out anything medically going on as to why she isn't interested in sex. 

I doubt she will go, especially if she doesn't see there is a problem. Don't worry about how she might react when you try to talk to her. Tell her upfront her marriage is hanging by a thread and you all need to talk. If she doesn't seem overly concerned when you tell her the marriage is hanging on by a thread, then you might have your answer.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Just courious as to weather or not she does the web cam job because she wants too or did you guys decide together that it is what needs to be done?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I would also like to point out that you should never be afraid of talking to your wife about something. This is a symptom of a much larger problem.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry, but she clearly has someone else. You just haven't caught her yet.

I'm not trying to just throw that out lightly, she's cut you off and out. She's relegated you to getting yourself off while she watches. She doesn't want to be invoked physically with you because she doesn't want to cheat on the OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

uphillbattle said:


> Just courious as to weather or not she does the web cam job because she wants too or did you guys decide together that it is what needs to be done?


We both agree that its a way for her to earn extra money when we need it, and she doesnt use it all the time, only when she knows we could do with some extra.

You might be right, its just we have only lost the intimate love making/sex activity, shes not withdrawn from kissing me how she always has, cuddling and being affectionate, thats why I dont think she has anyone else.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

"Before we were together my wife enjoyed serial dating, enjoyed sex and craved and loved the attention from men. She also did glamour modelling and also now does webcam work which guys pay for. She has got a mountain of sexy outfits, shoes, objects etc. which she had used on shoots and dressed up in before but now never get used or see the light of day."

Sounds like you got a prostitute on your hands.

Do you think she has enough skills to be able to earn money another way?


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

yes she had a regular job and was made redundant 2 years ago, just before we were married, I was lucky enough to land a job which meant she didnt really NEED to work, we use the money for holidays etc...


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

UKGuyneedingadvice said:


> yes she had a regular job and was made redundant 2 years ago, just before we were married, I was lucky enough to land a job which meant she didnt really NEED to work, we use the money for holidays etc...


I think thats great if you make enough money to where she doesn't really need to work. Which means her doing this web cam thing for the money is probably not necessary. If she wanted to do something to earn money, or even if it were to just give her something to do, she could sell beauty products, or candles for that matter.


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## UKGuyneedingadvice (Oct 25, 2011)

yeah, I think we are probably looking too deeply at the webcam thing for the answer....We would both admit to being quite liberated sexually so we probably aren't what you would call run of the mill types.

It may be something to do with her own personal feelings about sex right now, I know people will probably think that she is cheating because she does this cam stuff, but I really dont worry about that, I was just trying to express that she isnt a shy person about sex normally.

However she has started putting less effort into this, avoiding showing too much of herself unless absolutely necessary. I dont know if she is having issues with her self image?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

UKGuyneedingadvice;46113
I dont know if she is having issues with her self image?[/QUOTE said:


> She could be having self image issues, perhaps thats why she is looking for attention from other guys. IMO, if she felt better about herself maybe she wouldn't feel the need to do that.
> 
> When you sit down with her tonight and have this talk, let us know how it all goes.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Sorry, but she clearly has someone else. You just haven't caught her yet.
> 
> I'm not trying to just throw that out lightly, she's cut you off and out. She's relegated you to getting yourself off while she watches. She doesn't want to be invoked physically with you because she doesn't want to cheat on the OM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this is the frist time I have disagreed with you but I just don't think it's that simple. The op mentioned her disliking the whole web cam thing. Maybe she has gotten sick of being just viewed in such a way that she resents the fact that she feels like just a peice of meat to everybody, including her husband. To the op, I am not saying you view her as just a peice of meat. I am sure you attempt or have attempted in th past to have sex quite often and a lot of times this is how women can feel from it. You add in her job and it makes the problem 10x worse. Sit her down and ask her how she feels about it and go from there.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Does she or does she not enjoy the webcam thing?

You had stated she did this before you all met, so maybe she is tired of it. Have you told her its ok if she doesn't want to do it anymore? 

Maybe she feels some resentment. Maybe she feels like its YOU who enjoys her doing this. Maybe she doesn't want to tell you how she truly feels for fear it will disappoint you?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

How long has she been doing the webcam thing? Is this something she recently started? You had said she used to do modeling, like attention from other guys loved and craved sex, before you all met but then you said she now is doing the webcam thing, so it made it sound like that was something she recently started. Just trying to clairify.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I think she has some resentment towards you. Resentment is a huge sex killer! 

Even if you feel that the webcam thing isn't a big deal, I would say if you want your marriage to have a chance, get rid of it. It might not be the main cause, but it sure isn't helping anything.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

This one is really obvious. She does that kinda work all day and then comes home and you want the same thing from her. I'm sure 40 hours a week of that kinda work would turn anyone off sex. It's a bit like someone who is a mechanic, and then every day comes home and his wife wants him to fix their car. When you get home you want a BREAK, not to keep doing more of the same thing.

Maybe she needs to get a job in a new industry. Then she might start being in the mood more often (and not 40 hours a week at work).


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

HelloooNurse said:


> This one is really obvious. She does that kinda work all day and then comes home and you want the same thing from her. I'm sure 40 hours a week of that kinda work would turn anyone off sex. It's a bit like someone who is a mechanic, and then every day comes home and his wife wants him to fix their car. When you get home you want a BREAK, not to keep doing more of the same thing.
> 
> Maybe she needs to get a job in a new industry. Then she might start being in the mood more often (and not 40 hours a week at work).


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I was once a receptionist at an escort agency. None of the girls had SO's. They always said: "I don't want a boyfriend. I do this all day long and then I'd have to go home and f**k him too!" 

By the way, you are being a doormat when you let your wife masturbate on camera for money. Most husbands would not put up with such nonsense.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Quote:

Before we were together my wife enjoyed serial dating, enjoyed sex and craved and loved the attention from men.
End Quote

The thing is she is getting her romantic needs met through the web cam. She is assuredly getting her sexual needs met through the web camming. What you don't realize is that you think the only way a woman can get her sexual needs met is through sex itself. This is not the case. The need you have for orgasm and release is not the same as hers. Hers is to be romanced and chased serially. The web cam offers that.

You are burying your head way in the sand if you don't see this.


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## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

She needs to quit the camming. It has perversed her sexually to get her gratificationby performing for other men and.watching them masturbate which is why she doesn't touch you . It's not right for either of you to not touch each other. Even with mutual masterbation..


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

HelloooNurse said:


> This one is really obvious. She does that kinda work all day and then comes home and you want the same thing from her. I'm sure 40 hours a week of that kinda work would turn anyone off sex. It's a bit like someone who is a mechanic, and then every day comes home and his wife wants him to fix their car. When you get home you want a BREAK, not to keep doing more of the same thing.
> 
> Maybe she needs to get a job in a new industry. Then she might start being in the mood more often (and not 40 hours a week at work).


I was thinking the same thing. Maybe sex in general has become a job to her, and not an enjoyable one at that. So after work, the last thing she wants is more of the same.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

You said you are not bothered by her web camming. It was also asked if you thought she could earn money another way besides that. Which you didn't answer. 

You have however made it clear you feel the web cam thing isn't the problem. You even feel to much attention was on the web cam issue, which makes me wonder, was it YOU who suggested she do the web cam thing to begin with?


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## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

Jamison said:


> You said you are not bothered by her web camming. It was also asked if you thought she could earn money another way besides that. Which you didn't answer.
> 
> You have however made it clear you feel the web cam thing isn't the problem. You even feel to much attention was on the web cam issue, which makes me wonder, was it YOU who suggested she do the web cam thing to begin with?


At one point he said the web camming doesn't bother him "that much". However that means it does bother him some, maybe more than he admits. Even if the thought of her camming doesn't bother him, it is obviously having a psychological impact on her psyche. If she were single it would be one thing, but you are her husband and thus you should be able to fulfill each others needs. Right now I'm going through similar issues with my husband in that he gets more sexual satisfaction on his own with porn that he doesnt consider my needs.


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## Ello1012 (Oct 26, 2011)

truth is she needs to stop doing this. Morally its not acceptable, and secodnly. she needs to understadn that her husband has needs, forget the men online who beg for her to show her self. She gets that enough from hubby hopefuly. What Im saying is, if she's liek you said being spoiled, un spoil her before she's gone. peace!lol:!)


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No one seems to get it. A woman who sells her body has HUGE issues. She may well have been sexually abused in her past. There is absolutely nothing normal about her attitude towards herself, men, or sex. Doesn't it strike you that she wants to "watch" just as men on webcams are watching HER? She is deeply resentful of what has happened in her life and she is enjoying making YOU do what she has had to do--use herself as a sex object. Craving attention from men and using sex to get it are also clues to an incredibly low self-esteem. The very fact that you do not think there is anything odd about her way of earning money--now and in the past--just reinforces her belief that you think she's a worthless piece of ass, too. She probably does not even realize most of this stuff herself, but a good therapist might be able to help. 

You need to tell her that she is too precious to be selling herself for money, and you need to help her get help. She sounds like a pretty damaged young woman. Prostitution in any form is soul-searing and dehumanizing. Her actions and behaviors are totally reinforcing that she feels this way, no matter what she says. She needs help--and so do you, since you apparently do not see how damaging this "job" has been to her sense of self.


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