# Can you (BS) have closure without exposing the AP?



## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

As a BS, and 3 months into R (and thinking I have been able to put WH's affair behind me/us), I am beginning to wonder if because I did not expose the OW to her family/live-in boyfriend, will I really be able to have closure? Would it only be a temporary "fix", and at 3 months out from last contact, would it be more trouble than anything? She is psycho and lives in another state. I am angry that she went back to her cozy life like nothing happened and here I am dealing with fallout. I never talked to her or responded to her nasty messages and emails. I was silent for 4 months while WH went back and forth (I did not know he was going back and forth the whole time). I am angry at him and her, and just wonder how to truly close this out without causing more grief for my family, but being able to look at myself in the mirror. Would it throw a wrench in R?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I don't think you really can get closure, because someone just broke your heart. 
Your heart is like a mirror, it reflects what holds its interest (don't analyze this, otherwise the analogy fails) but every time it breaks, that break doesn't go away. Some are small dents, others are huge cracks. And the reflection is never the same.

Anyway, lets put it like this. This person sounds like they need to latch onto someone to survive. Otherwise, they have nothing. So they go for what they think is easy prey: Husbands. And let's be honest, divorce at 50% or more, and divorce no longer carries the social stigma it did 50 years ago. And sadly, most guys are easily seduced. 

But I think the big problem is: you aren't sure you want, reconciliation or divorce. You are flip-flopping between the two. Each holds it own lure to you, and you can't decide. And until you are 100% behind your decision, then you can't move on.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

LookingForTheSun said:


> As a BS, and 3 months into R (and thinking I have been able to put WH's affair behind me/us), I am beginning to wonder if because I did not expose the OW to her family/live-in boyfriend, will I really be able to have closure? Would it only be a temporary "fix", and at 3 months out from last contact, would it be more trouble than anything? She is psycho and lives in another state. I am angry that she went back to her cozy life like nothing happened and here I am dealing with fallout. I never talked to her or responded to her nasty messages and emails. I was silent for 4 months while WH went back and forth (I did not know he was going back and forth the whole time). I am angry at him and her, and just wonder how to truly close this out without causing more grief for my family, but being able to look at myself in the mirror. Would it throw a wrench in R?



3 months would be too soon for me to be confident in R, and to be able to say that I have put it behind me/us... Just my opinion.. 

I don't see that there can ever be true closure.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Many people here will advise exposure. I don't agree, I think you have to find peace in your own mind, but that's for you to find, and I'm sure you'll take a little bit of wisdom from every response here.

One thing that struck me in your post, though..."she went back to her cozy life like nothing happened."

Please don't do that to yourself. You have no idea what is going on in her life, nor should you, but imagining that she is blissfully happy while you are not is a) unlikely and b) unverifiable. You are torturing yourself for no reason. For all you know, she's miserable now, she's always been miserable, and she always will be. You just don't know.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Can you gain closure without exposure? From my own experience yes. Franky your posturing struck me more as vengeance than closure. The best thing to do with the AP is to get them out of your head. You are hanging on to her, let it go, concentrate on your marriage and forgiveness of your husband. Otherwise it will fester until you do try and expose and that will rip the scabs off you and your husband.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I believe it can be done through MC IC and taking care of yourself 
I think that exposure is really designed for breaking up an affair 

Good Luck


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

I think the only two reasons/benefits to exposing the A would be:

1. In order to shame them out of their EA/PA.

or

2. To protect you, your kids or family.


I'm not saying this applies to everyone, but for myself...
after putting up with the crap I did for years... the resentment
my wife had for me... only to find out that she wasn't playing
by HER OWN rules? 

Screw that. 

I told anyone who asked me what the matter was and I don't regret telling any one of them.

A lot of it was just getting it off my chest and seeking answers or reasons.

Don't wanna get stung? Then don't whack the hornets nest with a stick!

But to each their own.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Well, at 3 months out, or close to it, I thought I was fine with not exposing to her boyfriend or anyone else....That is... until she sent hubby a text on Father's Day... nearly 3 months after we said "do not contact us"... she sent that text. So... now I sent a letter to her boyfriend telling him what she really is like. If not for the OW, I would have been content with NOT telling her friends/family. Had she just kept NC, I wouldn't have sent it. But... she did. And I am doing what I have to, to get her out of our lives for good!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Expose away if you want. You owe nothing to her.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Maybe I am just looking for that quick fix to get me over the hump I feel I am on. All I have is my husbands word at this point...and I truly want it to be enough. I told him after final DD that if she ever contacted him in any fashion (or he her) , that I would then react. For him, I would divorce and expose her to her circle. His mom and sister know, my family knows and my best friend knows. He just recently talked to one of his close friends, so he is half exposed. I see no need for anyone else to know at this point. If she made contact (which he swears she has not and I still find it hard to believe - but could be possible), I would expose, expose, expose. I just can't believe that she never made contact in the weeks following his last text to her, or on his birthday, or on our anniversary, or (I didn't even think of it), fathers day. Maybe she has moved on. All she has is his work address, and she has mailed him things there before.

About her being back to her normal comfy life - I know she is - she was when my husband was last texting her. She said she would not try to get in the way of us anymore, but yet she continued to send him naked pictures of herself, etc. I am sure she is miserable - she has to be to be that kind of a person with a history of going after married men. However, she is comfortable and sufferen no consequenses - that is what bugs me. 

I know I should just focus on me and our marriage now, and I am, but it is still hard to choke down.

Revenge - I know it is not healthy, and I am normally very level headed, which is probably why I have not done anything yet and have handled things the way I have - always thinking of others and trying to plan out 10 steps in advance. I am a giver, but I feel like I am ready to take, and I hate that. 

I am not a door mat, I won't allow this to ever happen again without consequences (I have shielded it from our children and don't want them ever to know if they don't have to). I didn't allow it to happen this time or the time before (that I only found out about when this one broke). It was all underground and very sneaky. Someone had posted on another thread - if it started out underground like that, how do you know - and I don't. All I have is a remorseful husband who appears to be making strides but my heart is still breaking and is slow to heal.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Juicer - you are correct - that I do know about her - she survives by latching onto men. She has not held jobs, and uses them until the next best thing comes along, although her current she has been with for 5 years and he does have money She told my husband that she has never been turned down by a man and was proud of that....so sex is her game. I think a good percentage of women could say that if they wanted to. Now here we are - she was not turned down by my husband, but he stayed. That is when she began lashing out at me through Linked In, Facebook, voice mail, email....I would not give her the satisfaction od talking to me. So I think she was just playing him from that point on, keeping him hooked (although his choice), hoping to eventually break us up.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I don't see anything wrong in a little well reserved vengance.
But not expect closure from it, it will come slowly from within, coming to tmers with what happened.
But a well reserved ass whipping? Are you Mother Teresa?

Go ahead and expose the tramp. His BFF deserve to know who he is in a relationship with in order to make his own decisions.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

If there is one instance where exposure is a must, it's to the OW/OM's betrayed wife/husband or GF or BF. When you expose, it's for a good reason, not just closure, but because it's simply the right thing to do. You certainly would want to know if the situation was reversed.


The OW's boyfriend deserves to know what kind of woman he's with. Like you say, she's some type of gold digger, and only stays with a man until she finds someone better. This woman definitely needs to be exposed for the tramp she is. He deserves to decide the course of his relationship with her.
Fishing - this is when the OW/OM tries to cast out some bait in order to renew contact. This is usually in the form of an email or text. Most likely something along the lines of "how are you doing", or "missing you", or "Are you okay?" etc. Exposing the affair will have her trying to save her relationship with her current boyfriend, and he will be on alert too for any contact between them. This usually results in a second pair of eyes on the affair partners.

So as you can see, exposure is protecting your marriage. Of course, there's no guarantee that exposure will solve your problem, as the OW's husband/boyfriend may simply rug sweep the affair (usually due to denial or desparation), but at least you tried. It's up to him what he wants to do with the information.

Now, a side effect of this is you may feel a certain satisfaction or closure. There's nothing wrong with this.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Whatever is legal, I would do it. I find those who claim to follow higher standards just do exactly how they feel when pushed to the wall.

I remember my father told me not to be a snitch a work. Snitchers are never trusted he said. Then I started to notice he kept snitchers on board in his office.

What made you decide to not expose her up to now? The closer to DDay the better, people will do everything they can to take the moral high ground like making the passage of a couple months the reason to diminish the social crime.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I have not exposed for different reasons - she is nuts and may lash out at us (this is the reason my husband also gave when I brought up the idea)...I know - I should not listen to him and I even asked him if he was protecting her or still had an ounce of feelings for her and wanted her to be able to move on - he got mad. But still, I do know she is nuts. 

2 - i don't want her in our lives ever again. 3 - my girls - it could get ugly if she ended up getting kicked out of her boyfriends house. She would basically have nothing - which is a huge motivator for me, and I hate that feeling. HOWEVER, at the same time, even though my husband has since said that if I needed to do that then he would support me, I think he knows that I would not, so no worries. And justa couple of months ago I told him I was over my anger and would not do anything that might cause harm to our family...but the anger is back.

So if I bring it up, I am going back and forth (and I know, I have every right to). I feel like I finally make it to the top of the mountain and then I just drop, and then everything is questionable. Then I feel like there is more to resolve.

One good thing is that she lives in another state far far away, but she still knows where he works, my work and boss know all about it so I am not worried there, and she is a heartless BE-OTCH - obviously.

So part of me wants to expose for revenge, part to make sure that husband really does have my back now, and part because I think her boyfriend should be allowed the opportunity to know the true her and decide if he wants to continue a life with her and God forbid bring children into the world - what a role model. I am so on the fence, so I have done nothing and it is eating me up again even though I promised I was good and moving on.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

LookingForTheSun said:


> I have not exposed for different reasons - she is nuts and may lash out at us (this is the reason my husband also gave when I brought up the idea)...I know - I should not listen to him and I even asked him if he was protecting her or still had an ounce of feelings for her and wanted her to be able to move on - he got mad. But still, I do know she is nuts.


*How do you know she's nuts? Because your WH told you so? Have you verified this?*

I ask this because this is a *VERY* common tactic by the WS. They often say that the AP's spouse is crazy, or dangerous, etc, to prevent you from exposing the affair. 

And she's a state away. You can always file a restraining order/protection order against her if need be. Then she can be picked up and booked into jail. I really don't see why you need to be afraid of her.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> I have not exposed for different reasons - she is nuts and may lash out at us (this is the reason my husband also gave when I brought up the idea)...I know - I should not listen to him and I even asked him if he was protecting her or still had an ounce of feelings for her and wanted her to be able to move on - he got mad. But still, I do know she is nuts.
> 
> 2 - i don't want her in our lives ever again. 3 - my girls - it could get ugly if she ended up getting kicked out of her boyfriends house. She would basically have nothing - which is a huge motivator for me, and I hate that feeling. HOWEVER, at the same time, even though my husband has since said that if I needed to do that then he would support me, I think he knows that I would not, so no worries. And justa couple of months ago I told him I was over my anger and would not do anything that might cause harm to our family...but the anger is back.
> 
> ...


Looking, you sound like me...Truly. Honestly, in the end, you do what is best for YOUR family. If you haven't exposed already, just write up the letter to the boyfriend (like I did). Hold onto the letter if you are still unsure about sending. As LM said above, fishing is a good point to send, if you feel you shouldn't now. This is what I did, when I believed I had waited too long. I didn't have the address for so long, but i had been digging that whole time. I held the letter and said I would send IF she contacted. She did. She was fishing. He didn't take the bait, but I sent the letter anyway. The ONLY people I feel sorry for on her end are her kids. ON my end, I know my husband isn't seeking her out. I have access to everything... and he never deletes emails, I have to do it..seriously, he even keeps the junk mail in his inbox! And, I told him I have deleted junk mail (and he can see that anyway) to clean things up lol. He's fine with that. I check the cell bill online. I have her number memorized. It is burned into my brain, unfortunately. And there has been NC from the date he told her he wanted NC until Father's Day. That is the ONLY text he has deleted on his phone (she is now blocked).

Basically, my point is: write the letter, even if you don't send it. Even writing it out will help relieve some of your anger. Trust me, it does. Maybe not ALL, but at least a little of it will dissipate with the writing. Save the letter, if you don't send it. Actually, save it anyway. That way you have a copy of it as well. If you don't send, pick a "for instance" when you WILL send: fishing, for example. If she tries to re-establish contact... send it immediately if that happens. DO NOT HESITATE this time!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> *How do you know she's nuts? Because your WH told you so? Have you verified this?*
> 
> I ask this because this is a *VERY* common tactic by the WS. They often say that the AP's spouse is crazy, or dangerous, etc, to prevent you from exposing the affair.
> 
> And she's a state away. You can always file a restraining order/protection order against her if need be. Then she can be picked up and booked into jail. I really don't see why you need to be afraid of her.


:iagree:

Exposure is typically use to end the A. In your case it is revenge or to let the BF know or both.

Personally I would let it go if your H is remorseful and you are in R.

Try to get her out of your head and focus on R and mending things in the marriage.

Focusing on the positive instead of the negative.

We know where you are at and it stinks.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> I am angry at him and her, and just wonder how to truly close this out without causing more grief for my family, but being able to look at myself in the mirror. Would it throw a wrench in R?


My STBEH told the same fib. He begged me not to call the OW's spouse because he did not want to ruin her marriage and he claimed the husband would get violent. That was a lie. The OW is nice person, I found out. He is faithful and sweet and oblivious to her serial cheating ways.

I eventually did contact him, but many months later and it was too late, and he does not believe me and will not look at the evidence I had. 

The fact that she has a nice guy, wealthy, faithful husband who pays for frequent girl's trips,(trips she uses to cheat) and they have maids, cooks and a nanny, and she went back to her pampered lifestyle with our a glitch really irks me. 

I don't know if exposing her would make any difference. Wish I could help you there. 

I do like to think that at least, even if the husband chose to not believe me or look at my solid proof, that he is at least suspicious of her now. 

I like to think that he is now giving her some grief about girl's trips and girl's nights out and the cheating she does during the day while he is working his butt of to provide her with a cushy lifestyle. 

I hope he is checking up on her and derailing her opportunities to break up yet another marriage.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

I have a few paragraphs I typed up to her waiting to send - that is what I have been holding onto - basically to just let her know that hey, guess what, I saved some of your nasty emails and have them ready to expose should you decide to interfere with my family ever again, so make sure you don't. But it has been just over 3 months now since last contact. I say that with a heavy heart because I do not feel that my husband has contacted her, but I find it hard to believe that she has not sent him anything to his work. He says she has not, and all I can do is take his word. 

I know she is nuts because of the emails she sent, the lengths she has gone to already (contacting my family, trying to befriend his cousins on FB, calling his mom - saying that this is his "mistress", her texts to him early on that she would take him down and he would not get out of this unscathed, hell hath no furry, etc. 

I understand the WS using this - and I also see that it is the case, but at the same time, I just need to know that he has my back - how do I do that without playing mind games? I don't want to do that. I have thought about exposing and thought of just saying I have exposed even after I said I was done with that part of all of this....could closure come from telling him that I feel I still need to and then seeing how he reacts? If he freaks out, do it, if he handles it well and supports me, maybe not do it after all?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I never exposed. Wouldn't have done any good. The guy was already divorced.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, at 3 months out, or close to it, I thought I was fine with not exposing to her boyfriend or anyone else....That is... until she sent hubby a text on Father's Day... nearly 3 months after we said "do not contact us"... she sent that text. So... now I sent a letter to her boyfriend telling him what she really is like. If not for the OW, I would have been content with NOT telling her friends/family. Had she just kept NC, I wouldn't have sent it. But... she did. And I am doing what I have to, to get her out of our lives for good!


Just to reinforce what this post points out. 

I was in a similar situation. I did not expose because I did not want to hurt the OW's husband.

Than at about 3 months into our initial false reconciliation, she accidentally (oops on purpose) ran into him in town twice, and both times waved him over to talk. He told me about it, still 

IMO, it sounded as if she was trying to rekindle. 

At that point I called her husband, but as noted in another post, he did not believe me.

My point is, if she does make contact again, expose her to everyone you can. 

I don't know however if it will bring you closure. 

Still, if she tries to rekindle, expose her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> My STBEH told the same fib. He begged me not to call the OW's spouse because he did not want to ruin her marriage and he claimed the husband would get violent. That was a lie. The OW is nice person, I found out. He is faithful and sweet and oblivious to her serial cheating ways.
> 
> I eventually did contact him, but many months later and it was too late, and he does not believe me and will not look at the evidence I had.
> 
> ...


Even though my fiancé told me that I was the better person (his words), I don't like the fact that he didn't drop the idea that she was a "friend" until I asked him to. 

he tried to tell me that she had all kinds of personal issues. One interesting irony here is that back when I thought that I could convert guys who wanted to date me into friends (in my 20s), I also didn't have a problem letting it all hang out. I treated them like girlfriends and complained about every problem that I had. 

If I were truly interested in dating a guy, he would not have been privy to all my insecurities. 

Also considering all the FB friends, interaction and so forth, I am sure that this women knew how to behave when she needed to.

It's really sad when people lower their standards to be around someone. and quite frankly, I don't want to be pulled into that.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> could closure come from telling him that I feel I still need to and then seeing how he reacts? If he freaks out, do it, if he handles it well and supports me, maybe not do it after all?


I think that may be a good idea. At first my STBEH pleaded with me not to expose her. 

Later when she kept contacting him, and he realized that yes she wanted more than just some sex on the side, she wanted to replace her husband, he got scared. 

He then told me it was okay to contact her husband.

I do believe my STBEH does not want anything more to do with the OW because he does not want to marry her.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Update - we are 6 months into R - we have been doing great with a few bumps along the way. I have a moment maybe once a week where I talk myself out of it, knowing that the past is the past and we are both working hard to be the best to each other and to our family. I feel good.

However, we had a slight argument last night - not even about that, but just a certain look on his face set me off - I have no idea where that came from, other than just past experience and bad memories. With that, I am having a small setback that I have been trying to talk myself out of. And I realize - it is what it is, and we are successfully rebuilding our marriage - he even finally contacted my parents and apologized on his own. That was huge for me. If he ever hurt my parents again, I would surely destroy him  

So what am I feeliing - I can't change the past, but I wish I would have known sooner, maybe it could have been prevented. And with that, as stupid as it may sound, I feel that even after 6 months of no contact, her boyfriend has the right to know what happened so he can make his own decision to either continue his life with her or not. This time, it is not about revenge, but about giving someone the chance that I never got. They are not married yet and do not have children, but she has lived with him for 5 years. He is 41 and she is 28. If he is going to get married and have kids, it will be soon, and everyone who is decent deserves to have a significant other who will be faithful and who truly loves them. 

My "do the right thing" is confusd. I don't know if that is to tell him very briefly about the timeframe they were involved, ask him if he wants to know anything, and if not, never contact him again, or what...or do I just let it be. My reasons have changed, I am in a good place, but I don't know what to do.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

In my case, when I confronted my wife, I had no clue about the importance of NC. I did not insist on it, but I did manage to convince her that if they were to have any contact, they might as well do it right where I could see it rather than underground. The good thing is I was able to monitor their contact, and even intervene to a degree to keep him from pressuring her for more contact, or illicit contact. I'll say this, I confused the help out of my wife, and I think I terrified the bastard into more than a few sleepless nights with out uttering a specific or significant threat. The bad thing is, it damaged me, much more than is realized, and I resent her for it. Anyway, to the point, it took about 6 weeks for her to suddenly slip up so badly that it jarred my sense of well being, went to an IC and was told in no uncertain terms that NC was a must. I relayed this to my wife, she surprised me and agreed, then surprised me again and failed to inform the OM for another 6 weeks. By then I was utterly livid at then, though I'd played it cool so as to not drive my wife away from me, and presumably to him. Actually he slowly cooked his own goose, and one day she decided to go nc, with a face to face. I gather she let him down easy from what I remember. I don't recall much, because by then I didn't care too much. anyway that signalled the end of the immediate crisis. She thought things would get great after that. they didn't. Crisis over, I began to finally get upset. I said I wanted to tell the wife, she didn't want me to, didn't want to upset their marriage. I felt like a part of his lie. I went and did it, wasn't mean about it, just kind of stuck to the facts as I knew them. I even recommended some books. Kind of left her in shock. The OM started emailing my wife about 2 hours later, each one getting increasingly upset. I got them first and answered for myself. It felt good that I upset him. It felt good to exert some power. It brought no closure, no real relief. I don't know for sure, but I'd say he lied his way out of it. I offered her proof and left an email address if she wanted it, but I did not show her any of it. Haven't talked to her in 10 months, except for knocking on her door 2 weeks ago and asking to see her husband. Hop boy, was he upset about that. Again it was nice to see he still gives me the power to upset him, because I still give it to the idea of him. Anyway, the point is, if you want to do it, I'd say go scorched earth, send the proof to everyone he knows, not just the husband. Send it to the husband's family too. Thing is though, the proof will also implicate your husband, and broadcasting it like that, it might come back as well. Your husband probably deserves that, but it could complicate your R.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Its not about exposure now. Now it is about feeling almost as if I have an obligation to let OW's boyfriend know how badly he has been treated and used and let them him decide if it matters or not. Then on the other hand, yes, it could get ugly again and OW could try to lash out regardless of the outcome, but just for the fact that she was outed. 

So, I am struggling. What is the right thing here? Let someone know they were cheated on, or let it go. I would want to know, and given that I was also cheated on and my husband cheated with his live-in GF of 5 years, boy, I'm stuck. It has nothing to do with my husband and I - I think we are getting to a really good place considering. I feel a sense of obligation and I am stuck. I don't know where this is coming from.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My closure was knowing I would never get closure.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

A large part of motivation stemmed from that fact that quite a few people around my wife knew, and knew early on, while it was still just an ea I believe, and not one of them said anything to me. I refused to remain silent in a similar situation, but I did feel it necessary to wait until the fog had lifted before possibly making the OM more available and needy.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

so...is my feeling obligated also maybe because that would be the final closure to all this? That there is still one party to this mess that has no clue? That it never went full cirlce? Maybe I will start a new thread to see what others have done. Where my head is at right now, it just does not seem right that he doesn't know.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> so...is my feeling obligated also maybe because that would be the final closure to all this? That there is still one party to this mess that has no clue? That it never went full cirlce? Maybe I will start a new thread to see what others have done. Where my head is at right now, it just does not seem right that he doesn't know.


Expose her. Her significant other deserves to know. 

As you said you wanted to know. 

Being made a fool of is so painful. 

Tell him asap. Bring proof. Be prepared for him to lash out at you, to reject your proof. The OW's husband did that to me. 

Then he called many months later, He wanted the proof. She was continuing to lie to him and make him the fool and he could no longer take it. 

He has since filed for divorce.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

It isn't right at all that the OWH is in the dark. He deserves to know for sure. The problem is that the one(s) who should be the one(s) to inform him are least likely to do it. That's part of the reason I took it upon myself to tell. I was probably also trying to reach for some closure, a gesture that would allow me to move on. Never happened, I don't think anything that I could do to him will ever provide closure. He was only half of the problem, the least half at that. He never broke any vows or promises to me. I'm trying to live with the side of the problem that did that. Trying to rebuild my marriage with the person who did not value it in the least. Trying to trust the one person the most, but who has a proven record of not deserving that trust. Trying to forgive the person who did what I deeply felt was unforgivable. Until that happens, I'm not going to get any closure, no matter what I try to do to the OM. He isn't my problem, never was really. My problem is me. All that said, the guy deserves to know at least, and it should be backed up with proof. It's a safe bet that no one but you willrp step up to provide that.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> He has since filed for divorce.


Oh that would feel good for a while, to have facilitated the appropriate consequences for the bad choices.


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