# What does it mean



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

This evening I had a call from a close friend in our group of friends. Her husband works 3 days per week and they are long days and away from home. The company houses him. The town that he works at present, his wife has never been to it and it is said to be a nice town. She is off work next week so she asked to go with him so she can go sight seeing on her own while he is at work. He does not need the car when at work. She wanted to go and spend the three days with him in the evenings but he flatly said NO. He just will not hear of it. 

She does not understand why that might be an issue and he just says NO it is not a good idea. His accommodation has a shower room, a kitchen, a bedroom with a large bed. He was showing off picture of it when he first moved in. Why does he not want his wife to see it? 

Can men suggest why he might say no. or is it a bad idea from her?


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The first thing which comes to my mind is that he has another life in the town where he works.


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

TJW said:


> The first thing which comes to my mind is that he has another life in the town where he works.


I did not want to say that to her on the phone. I thought she should work that out for herself. I said maybe he knows he will be too busy for you since he does so many hours over a short week. But I thought like you.


----------



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> I did not want to say that to her on the phone. I thought she should work that out for herself. I said maybe he knows he will be too busy for you since he does so many hours over a short week. But I thought like you.


This is a hard one, but I agree, there would be no other reason that I can think of unless their relationship is completely on the rocks and she would know if this was the case and he just didn't want to see her. I think you need to be a real friend here and be honest about your concern. I think she needs to dig and find out more, even go to this town and surprise him. Maybe with you as a support person, it could be a day trip?


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

m.t.t said:


> This is a hard one, but I agree, there would be no other reason that I can think of unless their relationship is completely on the rocks and she would know if this was the case and he just didn't want to see her. I think you need to be a real friend here and be honest about your concern. I think she needs to dig and find out more, even go to this town and surprise him. Maybe with you as a support person, it could be a day trip?


She now needs to go even though before she asked she probably did not need to go. Going would escalate whatever is going on. Not going would cause her stress.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> Can men suggest why he might say no. or is it a bad idea from her?


If he is in fear of loosing his job for any reason, bringing a spouse along to benefit from accommodations paid for by his job for the purpose of sight seeing a new town could be frowned upon by colleagues. Especially if the spouse ends up dining on a corporate expense account during group dinner meetings after work.

Regards,
Badsanta


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

It is not a bad idea from her, Perfectly normal for her to want to spend time with him. Flat out no? No explanation why? 

Not good.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

With our kids grown, my wife travels with me whenever she doesn't have other commitments. It's been wonderful. She sightsees while I work and then it's date night in a new city. I cant think of a reason to block this that doesn't involve having something to hide.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Without him having an explanation ...... the news can only be bad.

If there were a good reason for the no .... it would be easy to be explained by him.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think we can all assume what it might means. You and she know, it's just too painful to say it. Sadly.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yikes.

He wouldn’t have liked my reply to his stern ‘no’.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Maybe he's turned his accommodation into a BDSM parlour or something like that? :laugh:


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Maybe she needs to have a PI follow him when he is in that city SOON.


----------



## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

These days I often decline offers from Mrs H to join me on work trips. And I have never cheated on her, and do not plan on ever doing so.

When I travel, I often have breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings. With other meetings in between. And then I go back to the hotel room and do paperwork on the computer. If my wife came with me, I would feel guilty about not spending time with her. And distracted by her being in the hotel room with me while I am trying to do administrative tasks. And we don't even have sex! Yet her presence in the room distracts me from getting my work done.

So while I agree there is a significant chance that he declines her offer because he cheats or goes to strip clubs or masturbates to porn, there is also the chance that he works a 12 hour shift and returns to his room exhausted and he wants to jerk off and go to sleep quickly - and he would feel bad about doing that while his wife was in the hotel room.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Holdingontoit said:


> These days I often decline offers from Mrs H to join me on work trips. And I have never cheated on her, and do not plan on ever doing so.
> 
> When I travel, I often have breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings. With other meetings in between. And then I go back to the hotel room and do paperwork on the computer. If my wife came with me, I would feel guilty about not spending time with her. And distracted by her being in the hotel room with me while I am trying to do administrative tasks. And we don't even have sex! Yet her presence in the room distracts me from getting my work done.
> 
> So while I agree there is a significant chance that he declines her offer because he cheats or goes to strip clubs or masturbates to porn, there is also the chance that he works a 12 hour shift and returns to his room exhausted and he wants to jerk off and go to sleep quickly - and he would feel bad about doing that while his wife was in the hotel room.


I was thinking exactly this. Whereas there's always the chance there's another woman it's not a given.

If out on a project out of town sometimes it's truly all about getting certain things done a d goals accomplished before one can go home, and get the project billed.

If a tech job, like mine, systems had to be up and running, demonstrated, before I could think about leaving. 

When long distance trips, there is one goal, getting done and returning and having the job be profitable for the company. 

So, not all bad things automatically.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife never goes with me on business trips, but she is always welcome. I just make sure she knows that I'm busy pretty much all the time, including dinners which are really work meetings. 



Holdingontoit said:


> These days I often decline offers from Mrs H to join me on work trips. And I have never cheated on her, and do not plan on ever doing so.
> 
> When I travel, I often have breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings. With other meetings in between. And then I go back to the hotel room and do paperwork on the computer. If my wife came with me, I would feel guilty about not spending time with her. And distracted by her being in the hotel room with me while I am trying to do administrative tasks. And we don't even have sex! Yet her presence in the room distracts me from getting my work done.
> 
> So while I agree there is a significant chance that he declines her offer because he cheats or goes to strip clubs or masturbates to porn, there is also the chance that he works a 12 hour shift and returns to his room exhausted and he wants to jerk off and go to sleep quickly - and he would feel bad about doing that while his wife was in the hotel room.


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Sounds like she needs to make a secret trip this week.


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

uhtred said:


> My wife never goes with me on business trips, but she is always welcome. I just make sure she knows that I'm busy pretty much all the time, including dinners which are really work meetings.


If she was going on business, would you want to go with her?


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Usually I don't for the same reason. Recently I did go on a trip because it was a one-day meeting on a friday, so we had the weekend in a city I was interested in visiting, and I was able to meet some friends for the day she was meeting.

Sometimes its a money question. If a couple is limited on travel by money, it may make sense to got together on business trips to share hotel costs. If they are limited by time, then a business trip isn't very efficient use of vacation time. 

My wife has gone on a few trips with me over the years, but mostly we are limited by time, not money, so there is no point her wasting her vacation time on a trip where I'm stuck in a conference room all day. 




MaiChi said:


> If she was going on business, would you want to go with her?


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I get what some posters are saying about business trips being all about the business, however, this one smells fishy, no?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It could be fishy.

I can see it going either way - not really enough to know for sure .



Elizabeth001 said:


> I get what some posters are saying about business trips being all about the business, however, this one smells fishy, no?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## SkyFive (Apr 4, 2019)

Company housing? Like commune style or a motel? Is it all guys as in construction industry? He works long days is probably exhausted at the end of the day. Maybe he don't want his wife being googled by a bunch of co-workers. Could be lots of things, we need more details.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> This evening I had a call from a close friend in our group of friends. Her husband works 3 days per week and they are long days and away from home. The company houses him. The town that he works at present, his wife has never been to it and it is said to be a nice town. She is off work next week so she asked to go with him so she can go sight seeing on her own while he is at work. He does not need the car when at work. She wanted to go and spend the three days with him in the evenings but he flatly said NO. He just will not hear of it.
> 
> She does not understand why that might be an issue and he just says NO it is not a good idea. His accommodation has a shower room, a kitchen, a bedroom with a large bed. He was showing off picture of it when he first moved in. Why does he not want his wife to see it?
> 
> Can men suggest why he might say no. or is it a bad idea from her?


*Only if he has a "roommate" there that he doesn't want you to know about!

And if it is "company housing," he could always spring for a hotel for the two of you for the time you're there!

In any case, methinks that this merits further investigation!*


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> This evening I had a call from a close friend in our group of friends. Her husband works 3 days per week and they are long days and away from home. The company houses him. The town that he works at present, his wife has never been to it and it is said to be a nice town. She is off work next week so she asked to go with him so she can go sight seeing on her own while he is at work. He does not need the car when at work. She wanted to go and spend the three days with him in the evenings but he flatly said NO. He just will not hear of it.
> 
> She does not understand why that might be an issue and he just says NO it is not a good idea. His accommodation has a shower room, a kitchen, a bedroom with a large bed. He was showing off picture of it when he first moved in. Why does he not want his wife to see it?
> 
> Can men suggest why he might say no. or is it a bad idea from her?


LOL. One doesn't need to be a man to see *this* picture clearly.

There are likely several reasons.

*One* - he values his time alone without having to deal with her for 3 days
*Two* - if she's there, he can't hang out in nightclubs and/or the hotel bar and hit on women
*Three* - he can't go to strip clubs with the other guys if his wife is there (if he's so inclined to go to strip clubs, that is)
*Four* - he'll have nowhere to take a woman (if he DOES manage to find one that will waste her time on him) if his wife is staying in his hotel room
*Five* - he can't meet his OW there if the wife is there (if he has an OW and she can travel to where he is)

Those are just a few that* immediately* come to mind. I can only imagine what I'd come up with if given a couple hours. :rofl:


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL. One doesn't need to be a man to see *this* picture clearly.
> 
> There are likely several reasons.
> 
> ...


None of those reasons sound good. So basically he is involved in bad behaviours and she is right to be disturbed by the whole thing. 

I asked for men's ideas hoping some would spin a positive web, but it seems the whole idea is leaning towards bad outcomes.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> None of those reasons sound good. So basically he is involved in bad behaviours and she is right to be disturbed by the whole thing.
> 
> I asked for men's ideas hoping some would spin a positive web, but it seems the whole idea is leaning towards bad outcomes.


Why didn’t your friend ask her H directly for the reasons he said NO? Here we are speculating. However, I would suggest your friend take a little trip alone to that beautiful town and check out the sights......with a pair of binoculars😉


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MaiCHi, did your friend ever find out anything about his activities in the other city?


----------

