# I'm so confused! i badly need your opinions...



## sweetfantasy (Apr 30, 2010)

I met my husband on my first job and we've been together as a couple for 5 years and we are now married for 3 months. I could describe him as a silent and sweet person. As a boyfriend, he was really romantic and I could say that he is very into me meaning he loves and cares for me very much because I've seen and felt that. After 3 years as a couple, we decided to migrate to another country, work here and live here together so we could start planning financially for our wedding and for our future. We had lots of great moments living in one roof but there were lots of fights too but in the end we always manage to fix all those petty fights. 6 months before the wedding, he told me that he had a bad dream about his grandmom whom he loves so much, I didn't pay too much attention because he told me that while we are on the way to the office and I really have no time to talk about it at that very early time of the day, i just told him that it was just a dream and it won't happen then I already forgot about it until night time, then we had a fight because he said I'm not even interested about his feelings and what he thinks, which is completely wrong. we had a quarrel that night until the following day, we didn't speak to each other the whole day, when he came home i didnt bother to look nor talk to him and he just went home to shower then left again, during midnight i started to be worried so i tried to call and text him but no reply until the following day. i called his office and was able to talk to him i told him where did he sleep he said outside his office then i asked him to please go home later which he did and we patched up our misunderstanding that night he also told me that he needs to go back to our hometown because his boss asked him to fix some assignments there, although it was just over the weekend i felt sad being without him for 2 days but i allowed him because its work related and he will be able to visit his family as well. he went there and he came back then 2 weeks passed by, 1 early Saturday morning i accidentally bump into something, it was a mobile phone under his pillow i saw messages from 3 different girls, he woke up and i started screaming and crying i asked for his explanation, he said when we had a fight he went online and chat with these girls, he confided to them his problem and 1 of his chat mate even bought him an air ticket and fetch him to the airport. i asked him what else happened? he said they just had lunch and coffee and thats all, he just wanted to meet the lady (who is 9 years older than him) as a sign of repayment for the favors (air ticket and she fetch and bring him to the airport) and nothing happened. at that time, i really really want to break up with him because i cant believe that he did that but we managed to fix it again, 6 months had passed and i could say i was able to forget and forgive him and we had a very happy and solemn wedding with our family and close friends at home until 3 weeks ago because of some instinct that i have i was able to open his 2 email accounts and found out he didnt stop chatting. i was very very hurt, i asked for his explanation and he said that he was able to avoid it for a few months after i knew about it but he still occasionally chats. the worst thing is he was doing it for 2 1/2 years already. he was exchanging emails with his 2 chat mates and 1 ex-colleague. he confessed that he is also addicted in masturbating so what he does is he was asking for photos from them then he will used it and thats the only reason why he communicates with them. i felt terribly hurt and confused, i thought we have a happy and healthy relationship but how come he was doing this all along. he said he was embarrassed to confess to me and he fears that if i learn about it i will leave him (which i will really do) i cried, and he begs asking for another chance, his third and last chance, i even read through his inbox and ask him questions before he close the account. now we are 3 months married and im 5 months pregnant. i really dont know what to do, part of me wants to understand and start anew with him but part of me is saying how come he did this to you again, you just get married and you have a baby on the way considering he was very very happy for this. you must leave him and start to have your own life. im really confused, i do not know what to do, my world literally revolves around him because i thought its the same with him. he was a very good partner throughout always understands me, spoils me with all the things he could give. its almost perfect we are always together and i couldnt be happier until i learned about this. i really dont know why...


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## 20yrsormore (May 7, 2010)

Wow, that is very confusing. The fact that you are pregnant makes things very complicated. What is his reaction? Does he want make it better?


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

First I will say I'm sorry this happened to you. I am no expert but I will tell you from experience you will meet a lot of bumps in the road of life. The question is what do you want? I am sure you being pregnant scares you and your hormones are not helping this but it sounds like you love the guy and he treats you well and loves you too. You need to talk to him tell him how this hurts you and that you have trouble forgetting it. Time will help with that. Tell him that all contact with any women must stop now!! and you will be watching. He needs to give you his email password and be totally open and honest. He should be ok with this. If he isn't then he is still hideing stuff and it will not end. I know it is hard but try to be loveing and show him lots of attention. He sounds like someone who needs it. The more we love and show affection to our partner the more they seem to return it. Good luck to you I hope all goes well..


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## sweetfantasy (Apr 30, 2010)

20yrsormore said:


> Wow, that is very confusing. The fact that you are pregnant makes things very complicated. What is his reaction? Does he want make it better?



Hi 20yrsormore, yes it is indeed very confusing i never imagined being on this situation and i really can't believe it until now, from what i've seen he is also devastated as me he even have some suicidal attempts which of course i do not want him to do ever. he was begging me to still love and accept him and give him another last chance, promising that everything would be okay and will change because now I know everything that was hidden since 2 years ago and he keeps on telling me that he was just very afraid that i will leave him if he confessed before. seems ideal but how could i possibly believe it now?


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## sweetfantasy (Apr 30, 2010)

hurtbyher said:


> First I will say I'm sorry this happened to you. I am no expert but I will tell you from experience you will meet a lot of bumps in the road of life. The question is what do you want? I am sure you being pregnant scares you and your hormones are not helping this but it sounds like you love the guy and he treats you well and loves you too. You need to talk to him tell him how this hurts you and that you have trouble forgetting it. Time will help with that. Tell him that all contact with any women must stop now!! and you will be watching. He needs to give you his email password and be totally open and honest. He should be ok with this. If he isn't then he is still hideing stuff and it will not end. I know it is hard but try to be loveing and show him lots of attention. He sounds like someone who needs it. The more we love and show affection to our partner the more they seem to return it. Good luck to you I hope all goes well..



Hi hurtbyher, thanks for your warm wishes i hope the same with you! my reply: of course if i could, i really want to patch up things completely and be with him. i still loves him so much but i hate him as well. part of me wants to save the marriage and continue loving him but there is also a part who wants to end everything and continue my life alone. but i dont think it would be easy though. i know that he will commit suicide once i leave him. he never threatens me with this but i strongly feel it. im really really confused... we both seems so in love and he treats me great but this happened. how could this be?


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