# Totally embarrassed



## mymooser (Aug 27, 2011)

So my husband caught me looking at porn. Of course I get caught on my first time trying to look at it...
He's so mad at me. Even worse. Because I was embarassed I tried to lie, but it didn't work cause I was obviously caught. 
Now he won't talk to me, and I'm way too embarassed to bring up the subject on my own. 
I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd be mad too. 
I feel bad and not sure what to do about it. 
Any thoughts?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Why is this such a big thing? Do you two have an agreement that neither of you will ever watch porn? 

If so, apologize. If he won't talk to you, or you're too embarrassed, write it down and send him an email or give him a letter.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you? 

How long have you been married?

Do you have children?

Have you two ever discussed porn before?


----------



## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

mymooser said:


> So my husband caught me looking at porn. Of course I get caught on my first time trying to look at it...
> He's so mad at me. Even worse. Because I was embarassed I tried to lie, but it didn't work cause I was obviously caught.
> Now he won't talk to me, and I'm way too embarassed to bring up the subject on my own.
> I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd be mad too.
> ...


Try talking to him and explain why you did. Maybe invite him to watch with you. If I was him I'd be wanting to know why. But excepting the offer.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

mymooser said:


> *I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd be mad too*.


It always surprises me a bit when someone says something like this.. IF you have done it, enjoyed it, why would you be upset if HE DID.. you at least have some understanding of it's allure.. doesn't this just make you both HUMAN...

I am assuming here (been there / done that) that you and he feel it's wrong, against your beliefs, maybe you both go to church ?

I was a conservative minded woman back in the day, and although I loved a good R rated "steamy" scene and/ or an erotic romance (felt just a little guilty about that - but NOT ENOUGH TO stop watching or reading!)..... I did draw the line with Porn, felt it was disgusting - the tidbids I seen anyway.. 

Though had I seen more of a Romantic natured scene... I think I would have felt differently somehow.. even if it was against my beliefs.. 

Anyway.. I have come full circle on this.. and now myself and husband both enjoy it together, I did "judge" when I found him looking at Playboy bunnies back in the day.. It wasn't even so much jealousy (I always felt wanted) -but the idea "this is just wrong, it's against GOD" or something..

I think getting caught can open up the dialog.. is your Husband seriously a man who has NEVER looked at a little porn ? If so... he is a rare rare man indeed..... A husband and wife should be able to discuss ANYTHING.. and EVERYTHING openly.. work it out.. if you still both agree --this is NOT for your marriage after discussing it...Maybe you & he can devise some new ways to awaken your sex life.. 

GOOD things can come from this.. don't allow it to take you down a bad path.. 

It's very natural and normal to be "turned on" by healthy lean good looking bodies and sex.. .. Ok.. there I said it.. Don't beat yourself up too badly here..


----------



## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It always surprises me a bit when someone says something like this.. IF you have done it, enjoyed it, why would you be upset if HE DID.. you at least have some understanding of it's allure.. doesn't this just make you both HUMAN...
> 
> I am assuming here (been there / done that) that you and he feel it's wrong, against your beliefs, maybe you both go to church ?
> 
> ...


You are spot on!!!


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

I agree with the guys here.

However, lets start with you. Prently your embarressed because;
You were caught and looking at porn is a naughty thing to do
Your H is reacting like hes never even looked a a dirty pciture in his life.
You both dont know why it an issue but it is
and
Neither feels comfortable to bring this up.

It wont go away. Now you can tell him calmly why you looked. Many women look because they ahvent really looked at what out there in cyber space as far as porn is concerned so how the heck can they comment on something that they've never seen/experienced.
If this is the case ... tell him that. Tell him you wanted to know what the heck all the fuss was about. Tell him openly that your felt embasrressed about looking at it in his company, if only to see what the fuss was about. These points are really understandable. 

Then ask him openly and honestly has he ever looked, even when one of the guys has shown him a clip of picture. If hes honest he'll tell you 99.9995 of guys have at least looked at a topless picture once in their life. Why? Because its what Guys are hard coded to do.
Let the conversation go only until one of you feels a little embarressed. Married couple shouldnt , but they do and thats a fact.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mymooser said:


> So my husband caught me looking at porn. Of course I get caught on my first time trying to look at it...
> He's so mad at me. Even worse. Because I was embarassed I tried to lie, but it didn't work cause I was obviously caught.
> Now he won't talk to me, and I'm way too embarassed to bring up the subject on my own.
> I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd be mad too.
> ...


I really don't see anything here that you should be embarrassed about. Unless of course, you have shamed him in the past for viewing porn.

A little honesty compromise and understanding is all that is needed here.

You are both adults and your husband cannot dictate to you what type of sexual stimulus is right or wrong for _your_ sexual interests , as long as it doesn't compromise your marriage vows.

Conversely, you aren't allowed to dictate to him what type of sexual stimuli is right either.

But , like Simply Amorous said earlier , both of you can discuss your fantasies, desires and needs , and explore that sexual aspect of your selves , together.

As long as this doesn't harm your marriage , break the laws or compromise you core values [ eg: if your husband is vehemently anti porn ] then there's no need to be ashamed.

There is way too much self righteousness and hypocrisy surrounding the issue of porn. Don't allow yourself or your relationship to become a victim that hypocrisy.


----------



## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

I have to tell you that if I walked in on my wife watching porn or satisfing herself I'd jump right on in if she'd let me. Plus I'd make sure she'd not feel embarrased. JMO


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Nothing wrong with porn as long as your sex life and marriage are healthy.

Next time you do this, invite him over and do it together.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

mymooser said:


> So my husband caught me looking at porn. Of course I get caught on my first time trying to look at it...
> He's so mad at me. Even worse. Because I was embarassed I tried to lie, but it didn't work cause I was obviously caught.
> Now he won't talk to me, and I'm way too embarassed to bring up the subject on my own.
> I'm sure if I was in his shoes I'd be mad too.
> ...


Is there a rule between you and the husband regarding porn?

Are you or he religious?

Is it really freaky porn, or regular mainstream porn?

Was this porn about something he's particularly uncomfortable with?

He needs to calm down for a bit and then you guys have to talk to each other about it like adults. 
Unless you hold out on him/deprive him from sex, it really should be something you can work through.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
While I personally have no objection to porn, there are a lot of women who get horribly offended if their partners watch porn and we should avoid a double standard.

I would not mind if my wife watched porn - I even suggested it once, but there are people who consider it to be a variety of "cheating".


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I don't see the big deal about it unless you had both agreed before hand that neither one of you would watch porn. I know my husband has probably watched porn a time or two (I think most men have) and as long as it's not a substitution for sex between the both of you and it doesn't involve chatting with other people I don't have a problem with it. He would be shocked if he saw me watching it because I don't but he would not be mad, just surprised.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Not enough information.

Why is he mad? Why would YOU be mad if the tables were turned?

Why do I get the sense that you are one of those women who, if their husband glances at another woman, you jump all over him with guns blazing?


----------



## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

If I found my Wife looking at porn I would excitedly pop down beside her and ask if she has found anything fun to try.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If it was my wife and I saw her watching porn I would sit down and watch it with her. Then I'd do other things with her.


----------

