# need to vent



## flowerlily (Apr 21, 2010)

i know in my last thread i had said that i wanted the marriage to work, but how can a marriage work when my husband calls me a looser. through our marriage he has been emotionally abusive. it gets worse when he drinks. i tried everything i could to make my marriage work. when we met, he lived with an elderly woman and her daughter. he was friends with the daughter, and took him in like family. they bought him whatever he needed, including all the alcohol he can drink. after he and i got married, she would call me 3 to 4 times a day to get us to come over every weekend. we lived in san bernardino, and she lives in downey. when i was 4 months pregnant and he left me, he went back to live with her, through the course of time, we got back together, then would stop, and back and fourth. after a while she would tell him not to be with me, to stay living there, that i wasnt welcome in her home, and would every chance she get would say something negative about me. and now he still goes over and visits her knowing that im not welcome there. he told her on his own, that if she didnt accept me, she didnt accept him, and when he moves out she wont see him anymore...so she told him to move out. and he did, and two days later, he was back visiting her..and drinking. am so tired of his lies..i get so angry that i have thoughts of cutting on my leg to release the anger and frustration. i have three small kids, and i dont want to be in a bad mood when they're here...i start to think that if i do cut my leg i would feel better. i havent done it yet. how much more do i have to take. he has begged me in the past to always take him back. i get very depressed when i think about having to deal with him. every time we talk, he has to make a little dig at my expense. right now, i got off the phone with him because he called me a looser. maybe i am...maybe i deserve to treated like this.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Seriously, you don't deserve to be treated like this. It sounds like you have self esteem issues, and even if your H does not want to go to counseling, it would do YOU a world of good to go alone. I think if you had a chance to work on the issues that cause you to have low self esteem, you would realize that you don't WANT your H back...that HE is actually the loser, and that you DO deserve better. At this point, the version of you that you are projecting out into the world is what attracts these type of men to you...and you have this distorted idea that you don't deserve any better. Cutting is a way to redistribute the pain....the release you feel in the physical pain of the cut, overrides (temporarily) the emotional pain you feel. But, like a drug it is never going to be enough to turn the emotional pain. Please look in to counseling for yourself. 
As for this "friend" and her mother....are you sure she is just a "friend"? It really sounds like there is something going on there. Work on yourself, thats the best advice I can offer.


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## jusme (Jan 4, 2010)

You need to get you and your kids out of that situation and I think you should get counseling asap. Your children AND you deserve a better life.

Let me tell you, you DO NOT want to cut yourself. I have known young girls who did so and they now have scars. Also once you start, it is hard not to do it again. Then you have cutting problems on top of your other ones. Let's find a way to help you cope with your issues in a healthy way. 

So what to do? Summon your inner strength and kick H to the curb and call a counselor. 

Here are some websites that may be helpful. The first one is a popular organization called, To Write Love on Her Arms. So if the link below doesn't work, just type it in. Check 'em out.

To Write Love on Her Arms > Find Help

www.selfinjury.com


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