# Wife wants divorce. Will separate with me



## davidalmz (May 19, 2018)

---


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

For starters, you need to give her her freedom. Work on you while you try to keep contact with her since she is allowing it. Show her that losing everything was a huge wake up call for you. 

Get back into therapy. You can"t do it all alone. You need friends and family to help you. Your wife needs time, space, and proof that your change will be until you have a good grip on your ailments and they are under control and not contoling and destroying you!

Do you have friends and family near by? A church? A support group? Get help and start slowly wooing your wife with pleasant conversation or enjoying play time with your child and the both of you. Msybe a dinner date or a movie a couple of weeks down the road. 

You are going to have to man up and not appear anymore weaker than you have been. You have to change to win her back. Not all is lost.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You need to really deal with you disorder just so you can have a better life in general. You have the potential to be much happier with good therapy. Use you love as a motivator if you must but have courage and do it. That is the key to having better in general whether it's with you wife or not.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

So you have finally awakened. Here's another awakening... There are no magic behaviors you can use to attract her to you. You have no control over her feelings. 

It's written all over your post that you are finally addressing your shortcomings only because you are losing your comfortable life. That path will get you nowhere as she can see that performance from a mile away. 

That said, you should make these changes for yourself, to be a better man, father, provider, and partner whether it restores your relationship or not. 

Things will only change in your life if you do. 

Does that make sense to you? 

Do you have a therapist, or are you being proactive in getting one?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

davidalmz said:


> Hi:
> 
> I don't even know where to begin.
> 
> ...


You've put yourself in this situation and you're the only one who can get yourself out of it.

Chasing begging and pleading won't get you there. Grow up and become a man


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Forget about trying to think of ways to get her back. Focus on becoming the healthiest you that you possibly can. She'll notice the changes but whether she decides she still wants to be with you will be up to her. Give that some time and don't try to manipulate her back (that's what she feels you did now that you've finally decided to drive).


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I am sure that you won't come back and read many responses because they are not going to tell you what you want to hear. 

But, what did you expect? Of course she is done with you. 

No there is nothing you can do to get her back, she is done. 

What you need to do is grow the F*** up already and start being a grown man. You got issues, fix them. Get a car, get a job. 

You have a child to care for that is what you need to be thinking about. 

You need to wake up for yourself and your child...


----------



## davidalmz (May 19, 2018)

thx everyone


----------



## Mardelis (May 19, 2018)

Marc878 said:


> You've put yourself in this situation and you're the only one who can get yourself out of it.
> 
> Chasing begging and pleading won't get you there. Grow up and become a man


You clearly don't understand mental illness. 

Would you say that to a guy who has one foot over the bridge railing and is ready to jump?

I bet you would.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to the forum. Deleting your post because you don't like the replies is just another avoidance tactic, and that is a big part of why you ended up where you are at. Sticking your head in the sand. Too many spouses don't hear their mate, or believe them until it is too late. You and my ex sound very similar. Super common problem. I gave my XH a decade and a half of warnings and chances, then I finally made a believer out of him. Now, years later, he is still the same, avoiding anything that makes him the least bit uncomfortable and hiding from real life. He now sits on the sidelines, jealous of my "new life", and still doing nothing to make himself any better. Pity party, table for Juan.

Not sure if she will give you another chance. Either way, make the changes, make them peremnant so you can be a better partner next time. You are still very young, and you can make peremnant, positive changes. I'm sorry you are so heartbroken, and I hope you can heal and get better.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Mardelis said:


> You clearly don't understand mental illness.
> 
> Would you say that to a guy who has one foot over the bridge railing and is ready to jump?
> 
> I bet you would.


Hey hot shot, you know what? A lot of us understand mental illness, we either have it at some level, or we have been married to someone with a mentally ill person or had a parent that was mentally ill. 

For me, I have done all three, and OP here is not being a man about what he has to do. You want to tell him, "Oh little snowflake it will be OK. Don't take your meds, do go the therapy, don't grow up...". But I sure a F*** won't do that. 

OP has already lost his wife, he needs to suck it up, grow up, and get up and get better. 

But that is probably too harsh in your opinion...


----------

