# In need of assistance.



## hamiltonjm (Mar 31, 2011)

I first want to thank this community, you all have help me with a lot of things running through my mind the last month or so. I've found many situations similar to mine, but I want to add mine so it can hopefully help someone else some day. Here goes.

I've been married to my wife for 13 years. We have 4 awesome kids. We were married very young due to her getting pregnant while we were in college. We decided to get married, because thats what Christian people do. Both of us were way to young and were not ready for this journey, but we dove in head first. I was unfaithful to her 3 times throughout these 13 years. Once within the 1st 3 years of our marriage and 2 more times 6 or 7 years ago. She had always suspected something, but I could never be honest with her. First it was complete denial. Then I told her I did a little more, never completely telling her everything. (what a mistake!!!) This has tore her up for all of these years and she finally got to her breaking point and told me that she cannot stand to be in the marriage if she cannot trust me and wants to separate. We are in DC, but are from Missouri, which is where she and our kids will be going. I broke down HARD. I told her everything that I've done to her. Every single bit. For the first time in my life, I opened up to her in a way like never before. Now I am desperately trying to save this marriage. I know that if she moves back to MO with our kids, that our chances of making it are VERY slim. I've got us set up for a marriage counselor next week. Which I finally got her to agree on. She was dead set last week that she was leaving. I am also going to attend individual counseling on my own as is she. I think this is a very small step in the right direction. I cannot mess this up and really need advice on how I should act during this time. She was going to wait until the kids got out of school before leaving, so that gives me close to 3 months to find a way to save us!!!!! There are times where she wants to talk to me, but times not at all. There are times she wants to have sex, and of course I welcome it, but am afraid it will make things worse. I just want her to know that I am completely dedicated to her now.(Is having sex a bad thing in the situation????) I just hope its not too late!!! Separation is not an option for me!!! What can I do for the next couple of months to be the husband and father I want to be, but also give her the space she needs to figure things out?? HELP PLEASE!!! I can't think, I cant work, I cant eat.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

Gosh I'd give ANYTHING is my husband who has done many awful things confessed EVERYTHING, and tried to put our marriage back together. GOOD FOR YOU! My advice would just be, to be yourself. Tell her honestly that you very much want to earn her trust back and that you know it is going to take time, and a lot of work. Be honest and tell her you are not quite sure how to proceed at this point, as you want to save the marriage, want her to know how serious you are, but understand her hurt, lack of trust, and need for "separateness." Ask her what her feelings are about the way she wants you to "act" right now. Women usually will tell you EXACTLY what they want and need. Be patient with her. The pain is unbearable, and we can go back and forth a LOT! I wish you and your family happiness, and the best of luck!


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