# Lonlier with him than without



## Lonelier with him (Feb 15, 2021)

I've been married for 17 years, well actually, only 9 years. We met a year before having my first child (16, 13, 8). 
I dont feel that he is very attentive, and am not happy. I find myself waiting for him to pay attention to me. I am in my early 40s and I feel like I am completely lost. I hate the idea of change, but hate the idea of feeling this way forever.


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## lizlizzylizz (May 8, 2013)

In a somewhat Situation... I don’t know and don’t want to live like this forever .. :/


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## Lonelier with him (Feb 15, 2021)

lizlizzylizz said:


> In a somewhat Situation... I don’t know and don’t want to live like this forever .. :/


Its tough when kids are involved


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Lonelier with him said:


> I've been married for 17 years, well actually, only 9 years. We met a year before having my first child (16, 13, 8).
> I dont feel that he is very attentive, and am not happy. I find myself waiting for him to pay attention to me. I am in my early 40s and I feel like I am completely lost. I hate the idea of change, but hate the idea of feeling this way forever.


Have you talked to him about it?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Lonelier with him said:


> I've been married for 17 years, well actually, only 9 years. We met a year before having my first child (16, 13, 8).
> I dont feel that he is very attentive, and am not happy. I find myself waiting for him to pay attention to me. I am in my early 40s and I feel like I am completely lost. I hate the idea of change, but hate the idea of feeling this way forever.


Have you talked to him about it? That's step one. Has he always been this way?


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

You have to let him know that your needs are not being met. Try to do it in a way that doesn't sound like an accusation, or he may become defensive. Some men don't take any form of "criticism" well, even if it's constructive. Make it about what you feel, not about what he is doing wrong or isn't doing. Find subtle ways to connect more, but don't get clingy.

Instead of waiting for him to pay attention, stay busy. He's much more likely to notice you being busy (not so available) than he is to notice you sitting around, puppy dog eyes, waiting for attention. Many men don't really notice such things. They don't really take a hint, or pick up on subtle nuances.

You have to show and tell with many men. Start by giving the occasional (unusual for you) touch and then just keep going, on to do something that you want to do. For example, touch his face as you walk by and then go read a good book (or w/e you enjoy doing).

This isn't meant to say play games (so actually find ways to be busy, don't pretend to be). It's just that most people don't want to feel like they have to be everything to you all the time. It's too much pressure. They like when you have your own stuff to do, your own time, etc.

Spend some of your "me time" pampering yourself too. Self care can help fill some of the void.


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