# Official Yesterday. Newborn Deeevorceeeee



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Yep,
swaddling clothes it is!
As of yesterday, The genie in the magic lamp, (wearing black robes no less) granted my wifes final wish, and sealed the future betwixt us. (did I just use the term "betwixt"? Thank you Young Guns)

I dont feel anything different. 
It was I guess the bottom step on a staircase to a new life.
One that reminded me of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, when the steps turned all gooey and the girl couldnt run up them.
But its done. Nothing went badly. Hard to imagine the biggest concern of the day for me was "tie, or no tie?", its too damm hot for a tie.

We rode to the courthouse together, as most of you know my wifes a/c is still out in her car. (OH! I just said "wife"!!)

Getting back to our side of town after it was all done and over with, we stopped by a small deli for brunch. I had a t-bone steak and eggs.

we laughed at a few things, talked about troubles people are currently going thru that we both know.

Im still in the house living with her and our kiddo. She asked me if it was going to be wierd for me to still sleep in the same bed. 
Its a helluva comfortable bed. I told her it was just like camping.

Got a copy of my decree, so I meet again with the realtor tonight and hes going to forward the copy to the finance company for me, as it was the final thing they needed when and if a closing occurs on a house for me. Ive found a couple that I am going to make offers on, but it could really go either way. Neither could be accepted, but then again both could be...

Step #2, i guess.

I think it may help the whole process of approaching, going thru, and after a divorce, to allow yourself to be a little crazy. 
Forget commonplace societal expectations of whats "normal" or "usual" in these processes. These days, you gotta do what you gotta do.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Glad to hear it was anti-climatic and you sound good.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

I am sorry, but congratulations!

Welcome to your new life. I hope I feel the same and that day goes easy for me as well.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

You sound very healthy and in a good place ;o) Onward and upward.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Welcome to the D club. 

You survived. Amazing, right?

When do you think you will move out of your home?
Once you do, you can make a final surgical cut from her forever (well besides co-parenting). It will help immensely.

Stay strong!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Congrats!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Glad to hear you are doing good, Shoo. If all goes well, I'll be a newborn divorcee in about 4 months. Congratulations on the beginning of a new life.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Very Many Thanks to everyone here.
Day two is not much different than yesterday. I dont really feel any different. No sadness or sense of loss really. That may very well come when I am finally moved into another house. 
So far I believe the "unknown" position I am in with obtaining a house and submitting offers, and trying to come up with the funding for all the extraneous fees, costs, dues, etc., has kept me in "running" mode, in order to get away from this current house. (That sounds bad, only because my daughter still lives there too), but all the surprises with home buying even as the market is in such dire straits right now, it appears people still want wayyyyy too much for houses that are barely held together with paint and stapled on siding.
That was an eye opener. Looking at houses online, and physically visiting them proved a lesson in deception. 
Often pictures are taken with fish eye lenses, which make rooms look much larger than they are in real life.

Issues such as spongy facia boards or holes in the siding arent apparent from pictures. I was quite discouraged after the first five houses I looked at, and felt that insult was added to injury of the divorce, by having to drastically reduce my quality of living to move into one of these dumps. 
But house number six and seven proved to be much better looking and bigger and in better shape to where I felt "yes" I can live there. I can make something with this.
Now however the game is getting the offer accepted by the sellers and coming up with the dollars to afford all the expenses associated with buying a house outside of the basic monthly mortgage. 

I find that I am a bit limited in area of search for houses for sale in terms of area (due to agreement of distance from school in decree), and of course in price range. Finding houses just outside the acceptable realm that look really great, and yet having to pick from the pile available sort of sucks.

I am currently still paying into what long ago was established as a household fund, an account that all bills, utilities, mortgage, groceries, daycare, etc., is paid out of. The exwife and I had budgeted a monthly amount needed to take care of all of these of which we contributed equally from our paychecks to satisfy these needs. As I am still living there, I feel obligated to continue that, but one of the issues that really pee'd me off yesterday was the decisions made by her on her own accord without looking at the budget and considering the times and available funds to make those decisions, that affect the account and other required expenses. 
For instance, she switched providers for the internet and cable, and a prorated bill came in easily double the usual amount required, and it came out of the household fund. She switched names on the electric bill into her name and an additional prorated bill came in for that for a few weeks worth of usage.
The attorney sent a bill for "typing up" the mutual parenting plan agreement. And school started, thus, daycare started before and after school, so all of these additional expenses are kicking in and some of it is of course necessary, and some of it could have been planned better.

These things keep me feeling mired in the "same old usual b.s.".

I think it wont be until I am moved into my own house, know what my bills are going to be, thus can budget accordingly, and can sit on my own couch turn on my own t.v. and crack a beer open that I will finally be able to exhale.

As quoted in the first "Predator" movie: "I dont have time to bleed".


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hey Shoo, yeah its a lot of work this whole separation business. I don't really see how anyone would consider this the easy way out of a marriage (unless there was abuse or something).

I'm not quite as far along as you, have been crunching some numbers trying to figure out a parenting/child-support agreement that would work for me and which she will agree to (she is the wayward one yet really hasn't been able to do anything productive in this separation). I guess this answers my first paragraph, its the easy way for her, just not deal with the responsibilities, but that's not going to be an option for her once I've signed all the dotted lines.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

well, crud. The two houses that seemed decent were bought by someone else with cash offers. beat out before i even got a contract submitted.

Oh well. perhaps "they" werent the ones.
but it sure puts a roadblock into things.
having to play this game of hoping and everything hanging on whether or not an offer gets accepted really furthers the "unknown" sense. ready for some solidification in my life!!

heres to making the next step up.


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