# Another one bites the dust....



## AtWittsEnd (Apr 26, 2012)

Hi all, I've web lurking on here for a while and planned to post my own story as I was having marital problems but within a month I went from celebrating our 1 year anniversary to moved out and headed for divorce.

I'm 27 hubby is 33, we've been together 11 years, married for 1.

We've had a few arguments over the years but nothing too major, split up once for 6months while we moved *back to our hometowns so he could help his mum with his troubled brothers, he had enough of them, moved out we each brought our own houses then we got back together.

Part of the reason we split was were had grown apart a little and he wasn't sure of he wanted to get married and have kids. *

After a while we began seeing eachother and things were going good, at this point I said if we are going to be together I wanted to be married & know we will have kids someday. *I gave him time to think and we had a talk & he decided yes, we would get married & have children sometime in the future.

A year later we married on our 10 year anniversary. *Leading up to the wedding he was pretty useless, didn't help much with planning etc. *I got really upset about 6 months before & said if you don't want this now is the time to tell me, he apologized & promised to help, which he did a little but was still pretty slack.

After the wedding things progressively went down hill, he stopped caring, got a job on the mines which he would call me every few days at best, became more and more distant, stopped cuddling me and caring in general. *He works 2 weeks away then home for 2 weeks.
Our communication went from bad to worse and he burries himself in his hobbies & work.

He wasn't home for our one year anniversary because of a competition he had to attend, I was a little upset but knew he worked hard to get there. *It was a long weekend when he got back & we talked about going away. *I text him some details got no reply, he just wasn't interested. *He brought me a nice watch as a gift but I was upset because we didn't spend any quality time. *We didn't talk for days then he went back to work.

Long story short, we ended up having a texting argument & he said we have nothing in common, he doesn't like my hobbies, I don't like his, we've tried again and again but things don't get better. *I suggested counseling and he said it wouldn't work and only had negative things to say. *I then said if you won't put any effort in do you want a divorce and he said "I don't see any other option".

I booked in a counseling sessions & told him I want to try and do anything I can but but he flat out ignored me for the 2 weeks. *When he got back we spoke for about 10 mins & he repeated that we'be both tried before and we go back to being ourselves and we're not happy so divorce would be best, he even got angry because *I started to cry.

I left and stayed with friends for a week, he didn't want to talk to me when I got back so I moved all my things out and moved to my parents.

That is all all over, without a proper discussion or even a goodbye!

FML! What do you guys make of this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Sounds to me like you pressured him into getting married, he went along with it only because the alternative was losing you altogether, and once the commitment was made he felt trapped and resentful. It's obvious things went from bad to worse almost immediately after you two got married.

That's why ultimatums don't work. You can't force someone to change, you can't force someone to like to do the things you do, you can't force someone to change their philosophy on life, their goals, etc.

All you'll get is "push back". 

Then again you weren't happy not being married so it wouldn't have worked either way. Better to find out about it now rather than 10 years down the road. 

You've got time on your side. Make good use of it.


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