# Vasectomy - pro or con for women



## LonelyHiker

Sorry, going through a messy divorce so just need to get my mind off of things..so this popped into my head.
Question: if a man has a vasectomy, is that a good or bad thing when dating in the later stages of life. I'm 43 and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids, however, I would consider getting it reversed if the right woman came along. I am in no way considering dating anytime soon, but was curious as to what women might think. I know it freed up a lot of things in my marriage when I had it done (no worrying about babies). Just curious.


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## Casual Observer

I would think it would bring a level of honesty and finality to things that have been a source of misunderstandings and deception to many.


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## Diana7

Being that you are only 43, you may well fall in love with a lady in her 30's who wants children, so I would say its a very bad idea to get the cut. Reversals often dont work. Maybe wait another 10 years or so.


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## In Absentia

I was around 40 when I had mine... but our marriage was still ok. Going through a divorce? I would wait.


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## Blondilocks

It sounds like he's already been snipped. If you date within 5 years or so of your age, you probably won't have any problem finding women who will be glad it's done. Who wants to be on social security when the last kid graduates high school.


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## Livvie

I'd consider it a huge plus.

Sidenote: Not every man dates way younger than his age. Most women around 40 (and that's three years younger) have had the children they want already. And if she is single and dating at that age I'd wonder why she hasn't had them by 40 already and wasnty more proactive earlier about having a family.


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## bobert

LonelyHiker said:


> Sorry, going through a messy divorce so just need to get my mind off of things..so this popped into my head.
> Question: if a man has a vasectomy, is that a good or bad thing when dating in the later stages of life. I'm 43 and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids, however, I would consider getting it reversed if the right woman came along. I am in no way considering dating anytime soon, but was curious as to what women might think. I know it freed up a lot of things in my marriage when I had it done (no worrying about babies). Just curious.


I would assume it would be a huge positive, if the woman is also done having kids. At 45+ (you'd need time to find someone, etc), do you really want more kids? You really need to think about that. Don't have kids with some younger woman just because she wants them. Also, the man's age is a factor in the babies health as well so a younger woman doesn't mean all will be fine.

Keep in mind, vasectomy reversals don't always work and they can be expensive. I just had my vasectomy done and was lectured on that. The success rate can be as low as like 30%, all depends on how long ago you had the procedure. So you drop up to $10,000 and go through 3-4 hours of them digging around in your nuts for a 30% success rate of having a kid graduate high school when you're in your mid-60's? Not my idea of fun.


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## Diana7

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds like he's already been snipped. If you date within 5 years or so of your age, you probably won't have any problem finding women who will be glad it's done. Who wants to be on social security when the last kid graduates high school.


A lot of women in their mid to late 30's and early 40s are having babies now, but if he has already had it its too late anyway.


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## Diana7

bobert said:


> I would assume it would be a huge positive, if the woman is also done having kids. At 45+ (you'd need time to find someone, etc), do you really want more kids? You really need to think about that. Don't have kids with some younger woman just because she wants them. Also, the man's age is a factor in the babies health as well so a younger woman doesn't mean all will be fine.
> 
> Keep in mind, vasectomy reversals don't always work and they can be expensive. I just had my vasectomy done and was lectured on that. The success rate can be as low as like 30%, all depends on how long ago you had the procedure. So you drop up to $10,000 and go through 3-4 hours of them digging around in your nuts for a 30% success rate of having a kid graduate high school when you're in your mid-60's? Not my idea of fun.


3 to 4 hours why did it take so long? They are usually much faster than that.


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## Diana7

Livvie said:


> I'd consider it a huge plus.
> 
> Sidenote: Not every man dates way younger than his age. Most women around 40 (and that's three years younger) have had the children they want already. And if she is single and dating at that age I'd wonder why she hasn't had them by 40 already and wasnty more proactive earlier about having a family.


I guess that many women in their mid to late 30's havent met the right person. Its pretty common now for people to have children even into their 40's.


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## bobert

Diana7 said:


> 3 to 4 hours why did it take so long? They are usually much faster than that.


Oh, the vasectomy took 14 minutes. The _reversals_ take 3-4 hours.


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## Rowan

When I was dating, all of the men I had relationships with - including my now-husband - had already had vasectomies. And I was fine with that. I was in my late 30's and, for medical reasons, also unable to have more children. I wouldn't have been compatible with a man who wanted to have babies.

But, OP, do be prepared to either use condoms or to present _very_ current STD screening results to prospective partners. While a vasectomy might not be a deal-breaker, and is possibly even a big plus to most women your age, the smart ones will still want to make sure the sex is safe from disease. That will particularly hold true if you're not in an exclusive relationship.


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## LonelyHiker

Rowan said:


> When I was dating, all of the men I had relationships with - including my now-husband - had already had vasectomies. And I was fine with that. I was in my late 30's and, for medical reasons, also unable to have more children. I wouldn't have been compatible with a man who wanted to have babies.
> 
> But, OP, do be prepared to either use condoms or to present _very_ current STD screening results to prospective partners. While a vasectomy might not be a deal-breaker, and is possibly even a big plus to most women your age, the smart ones will still want to make sure the sex is safe from disease. That will particularly hold true if you're not in an exclusive relationship.


Thank you all for your honesty. I had the procedure about 6 years ago. At the time, my STBWX and I were happy with the 4 children we had. During the messy divorce, my STBXW has now shared that she wants another child (or is at least contemplating having one with whomever comes next in her life). I thought about it and if she was ever willing to reconcile, I would consider having another baby with her because I do love children (only after we work on our marriage if that scenario ever came to pass - I do doubt it though).

So, it would seem to me that during the very early dating stages of life after divorce; that this topic would need to come up... which at the same time seems to be a subject that is also pretty deep for an early dating relationship.

The good news is that I have no plans to have multiple prospective partners. I'd rather wait until I find a compatible partner that is the next "rest of my life" type person.

Which leads to another interesting question; are there any examples/stories of people here who waited to have sex until after they re-married? And if so, how did that work out? Obviously, there is always the concern that your compatible in every other area.. then you wait to get married and when you get to the sex part.. things are not as compatible?

And then.. for those who didn't wait for marriage (after divorce)… did any of you have to end relationships because you found out you were not compatible sexually?


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## Not

LonelyHiker said:


> snipped...
> 
> And then.. for those who didn't wait for marriage (after divorce)… did any of you have to end relationships because you found out you were not compatible sexually?


I did. There were problems in others areas of compatibility too but if there hadn't been those other problem areas the sex was bad enough to end it, though I never would have used that reason when ending it. That's just cruel.

Vasectomy....I was 46 when I started dating after divorce and vasectomy would have been a huge plus to me. I DO NOT want more children.


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## RebuildingMe

I had it done 5 years ago at 44. Best decision I could’ve made. Didn’t know I’d be single again, but it seems to be very well received by the few women I’ve dated. I’m not dating 30 year olds either, which may help the positive reception.


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## Tasorundo

I know I am a guy, but if you don't want more kids, get one. If you want more kids, don't get one. What a woman may or may not want is not as important, in this situation, as what you want.

I had it done at 30, married, had a kid, knew we didn't want more. If I was ever single, I still don't want more.


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## DownByTheRiver

LonelyHiker said:


> Sorry, going through a messy divorce so just need to get my mind off of things..so this popped into my head.
> Question: if a man has a vasectomy, is that a good or bad thing when dating in the later stages of life. I'm 43 and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids, however, I would consider getting it reversed if the right woman came along. I am in no way considering dating anytime soon, but was curious as to what women might think. I know it freed up a lot of things in my marriage when I had it done (no worrying about babies). Just curious.


As long as you date women your own age it should be a plus. If you plan to date women 10 years younger who may still be having children or trying to, then it's probably going to be a negative. If you really don't want children though, then find someone who also doesn't want children or is older and already has them.


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## SunCMars

I say if you do not want any more children, have it done.
If you marry and the lady insists on a kid, you can adopt one.
Or, she can _rent a loaded dik_ at a fertility clinic.


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## RebuildingMe

SunCMars said:


> If you marry


Isn’t the point of TAM to give _good_ advice?


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## Cletus

RebuildingMe said:


> Isn’t the point of TAM to give _good_ advice?


No. As you clearly seem to understand, it's to promote a personal agenda.


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## LisaDiane

Cletus said:


> No. As you clearly seem to understand, it's to promote a personal agenda.


For you as well...??


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## Cletus

LisaDiane said:


> For you as well...??


Be more specific, please. What exactly do you see as my agenda? I might very well have one, but you'll have to be more concrete.

@RebuildingMe pretty clearly wants to turn all men away from marriage, and I suspect will readily admit it.

Edit: there is a difference between giving your opinion and claiming everyone else's is "bad advice".


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## LisaDiane

Cletus said:


> Be more specific, please. What exactly do you see as my agenda? I might very well have one, but you'll have to be more concrete.
> 
> @RebuildingMe pretty clearly wants to turn all men away from marriage.


Actually, I meant to put a winking emoji with my post, because I was being a little funny about it, I wasn't being serious at all...sorry!!


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## RebuildingMe

Cletus said:


> Be more specific, please. What exactly do you see as my agenda? I might very well have one, but you'll have to be more concrete.
> 
> @RebuildingMe pretty clearly wants to turn all men away from marriage, and I suspect will readily admit it.
> 
> Edit: there is a difference between giving your opinion and claiming everyone else's is "bad advice".


Correct, I cannot endorse marriage for men given the current state of the legal system.

I don’t claim everyone else’s advice is bad. You failed to recognize the sarcasm in my response to @SunCMars


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## Cletus

RebuildingMe said:


> Correct, I cannot endorse marriage for men given the current state of the legal system.
> 
> I don’t claim everyone else’s advice is bad. You failed to recognize the sarcasm in my response to @SunCMars


No, the sarcasm was precisely calibrated to send the message that 'if you marry' is bad advice. I didn't miss anything. 

Not only can you not endorse marriage for men, you are working very hard to discourage everyone here from doing it. That's OK, I don't begrudge you your message. But it is really obvious, and was the point of your sarcasm.


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## LisaDiane

RebuildingMe said:


> Correct, I cannot endorse marriage for men given the current state of the legal system.
> 
> I don’t claim everyone else’s advice is bad. You failed to recognize the sarcasm in my response to @SunCMars





Cletus said:


> No, the sarcasm was precisely calibrated to send the message that 'if you marry' is bad advice. I didn't miss anything.
> 
> Not only can you not endorse marriage for men, you are working very hard to discourage everyone here from doing it. That's OK, I don't begrudge you your message. But it is really obvious, and was the point of your sarcasm.


And I actually "liked" it because I thought it was funny...especially with the smiley face!


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## RebuildingMe

Cletus said:


> No, the sarcasm was precisely calibrated to send the message that 'if you marry' is bad advice. I didn't miss anything.
> 
> Not only can you not endorse marriage for men, you are working very hard to discourage everyone here from doing it. That's OK, I don't begrudge you your message. But it is really obvious, and was the point of your sarcasm.


Wow, I must be a prophet of some kind? I didn’t know I had a “message”. I call it like I see it. If you don’t like what I have to say, feel free to ignore me. I’m a big boy, I can take it. I try to comment on multiple subjects (other than politics). Whether it be sexless marriages, cheating, lying about finances, lawyers, OLD, I have experience with some of that so I share.

My guess is you don’t like any of the RP message, so you look to suppress those that do. It’s fine, it’s not for everyone.


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## RebuildingMe

LisaDiane said:


> And I actually "liked" it because I thought it was funny...especially with the smiley face!


At least someone has a sense of humor around here today.


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## SunCMars

Good advice is just, justly that.

What is _the good _is always the battle.

Agendas are the norm, as in normal. 

As soon as anyone speaks, their thoughts, and their opinions become freely-offered *agendas.

[Agenda as in an action plan, or a thought process]

Take em' or chuck em' !


*Some agendas are nefarious and self-serving, some are _meant_ to be **helpful.


**Even if they are not (helpful).


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## SunCMars

RebuildingMe said:


> At least someone has a sense of humor around here today.


I like your Chichen Itza avatar.

Been there!

No nanny police, no safe guards, climb at your own risk!

Uh, an ambulance was parked nearby under some trees!


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## RebuildingMe

SunCMars said:


> I like your Chichen Itza avatar.
> 
> Been there!
> 
> No nanny police, no safe guards, climb at your own risk!
> 
> Uh, an ambulance was parked nearby under some trees!


That’s a photo I took when I was there a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, the pyramid is now closed to the public. It was open the first time I went there, about 15 years ago.


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## bkyln309

Most the online dating apps have a question about wanting more kids. You can filter by women who are done having kids. 
When I divorced six years ago, I was in my early 40s.Personally, I didnt want any more kids but was still able to have them. It was a relief to date a man who already had a V. Never had to worry about the whoops!


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## samyeagar

Find a woman who fits with who you already are, rather than one to mold yourself to.


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## DTO

Diana7 said:


> 3 to 4 hours why did it take so long? They are usually much faster than that.


I think he means the reversal. It's a much-more involved procedure.


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## Al_Bundy

I think it comes down to do you want more kids, that's it. Find women who also don't want any or more kids. When you date women, regardless of their age just tell them you don't want children. You don't have to divulge your medical history on the first date, it's none of their business. When the subject of kids comes up, just say you have no interest.


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## Laurentium

Let me just mention that freezing semen is an alternative to vasectomy reversal. Neither is a great solution.


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## happyhusband0005

bobert said:


> I would assume it would be a huge positive, if the woman is also done having kids. At 45+ (you'd need time to find someone, etc), do you really want more kids? You really need to think about that. Don't have kids with some younger woman just because she wants them. Also, the man's age is a factor in the babies health as well so a younger woman doesn't mean all will be fine.
> 
> Keep in mind, vasectomy reversals don't always work and they can be expensive. I just had my vasectomy done and was lectured on that. The success rate can be as low as like 30%, all depends on how long ago you had the procedure. So you drop up to $10,000 and go through 3-4 hours of them digging around in your nuts for a 30% success rate of having a kid graduate high school when you're in your mid-60's? Not my idea of fun.


I'm agree with this. Let's say you start dating in a year, get really lucky and find a great woman right away, if you're smart you're going to date her for a good amount of time before getting married and trying for a kid. So best case scenario you have a kid at what 46-47. Do you really want to be the guy everyone thinks is at graduation for his grandchild? Not to mention having to plunk down 3-400k for college by then. 

Also if you want no more kids but end up going along for the young wife, you just raised the likelihood of your second divorce by a lot.


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## oldshirt

I know this is a zombie thread resurrected from the great beyond but I wanted to chime in anyway. 

I was 41 when I had my V. I did not want any kids and it didn't matter who I was with or how old she was or any other factor other than I did not want any more children and didn't want to worry about it anymore. 

I knew my wife did not want me to get it done and even though her OB/Gyn had warned her not to have any more kids, I knew deep down she wanted at least a basketball team's worth. 

I also knew there was a possibility she would leave me for some other dude that would father more children. 

I would have rather she left and had kids with someone else than have more of my own. 

I know this is probably a better discussion to have in the men's section but the point I want to make is men should get snipped when they no longer want to father anymore children and it should not matter with whom and how old any other woman that may come into their life might be. 

I think it is arrogance for a woman to think that if a man doesn't want any more kids and gets snipped, that he should go under the knife again if he gets with her and she is younger and prettier etc than his previous partner and that she wants kids of her own. 

I know some guys do it, but IMHO they are simps that are cow towing to some other gal's baby rabies and they deserve what they get. 

So even though this is the women's section and the question posed was what do women think of guys getting vasectomies - my answer is IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WOMEN THINK. A man has just as much right to his fertility and reproductive choice as a woman. 

If some guy has had his plumbing disconnected and she wants children, then find another guy. 

Women do not have the right to judge or determine a man's fertility any more than a man has the right to tell a woman what to do with her fertility. 

IMHO the very question posed is almost offensive. It doesn't matter what a woman thinks about a guy's vasectomy. It's his choice and his balls.


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## Livvie

Oldshirt, I've learned by reading this forum for years that men often make bad decisions based on a woman's attractiveness. They commit to/stay with/white knight crazy, selfish, entitled, even abusive women if she's hot enough.... So I have no doubt were could add vasectomy reversal and another child he doesn't really want to that list.


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## pastasauce79

I think a vasectomy is a plus. At 43 I think most women are done having children anyway. Do you really want to date a 30 year old? I'm 41 and I can't imagine having a baby now. I feel tired all the time!


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## Diana7

pastasauce79 said:


> I think a vasectomy is a plus. At 43 I think most women are done having children anyway. Do you really want to date a 30 year old? I'm 41 and I can't imagine having a baby now. I feel tired all the time!


Lots of women are having babies in their 40's now. A good friend of mine had twin boys age 40, and that was decades ago. Amazing. My oldest was 19 when I was 40.


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## Livvie

Diana7 said:


> Lots of women are having babies in their 40's now. A good friend of mine had twin boys age 40, and that was decades ago. Amazing. My oldest was 19 when I was 40.


That doesn't mean a man needs to undo a vasectomy and have another child and start a second family he doesn't really want to, just because "lots of women in their 40s are having babies".


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## Diana7

Livvie said:


> That doesn't mean a man needs to undo a vasectomy and have another child and start a second family he doesn't really want to, just because "lots of women in their 40s are having babies".


Never said he did.


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## pastasauce79

Diana7 said:


> Lots of women are having babies in their 40's now. A good friend of mine had twin boys age 40, and that was decades ago. Amazing. My oldest was 19 when I was 40.


The only women I know who had babies in their late 30's or 40's are the ones who have fertility issues. Only 2 of them, and I went to a girls only high school. 

I don't think having babies at 40 is as common as you think. I'm 40 and most of the women I know are done having babies or don't want babies at all.


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## Diana7

pastasauce79 said:


> The only women I know who had babies in their late 30's or 40's are the ones who have fertility issues. Only 2 of them, and I went to a girls only high school.
> 
> I don't think having babies at 40 is as common as you think. I'm 40 and most of the women I know are done having babies or don't want babies at all.


I know quite a few. My daughter had her little girl at 39 as well. It was unheard of when I had mine. It was rare for women of 30 or over to have babies then. We were mostly 20-25 back then in my friend groups.


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## pastasauce79

Diana7 said:


> I know quite a few. My daughter had her little girl at 39 as well. It was unheard of when I had mine. It was rare for women of 30 or over to have babies then. We were mostly 20-25 back then in my friend groups.


The OP already had a vasectomy done already which I think it's a plus in the dating scene.

I don't think he's gonna have any problem finding women who are going to be happy he's done having kids.


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## TexasMom1216

My husband got his 5 years after our son was born when we were sure we weren't going to have another. I have LOVED it. No more implant, no more constantly at the OBGYN, it's been great.


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## Cletus

If we are going to reopen this thread, I should mention that my vasectomy caused me about 10 years of periodic pain. 

The operation itself wasn't all that bad, except for the part where the good doctor pulled my Vas Deferens out above his shoulder (I think), which felt exactly like a full kick to the crotch. It almost made me vomit on the table, and it isn't the kind of pain that local anesthesia works on. 

But then, for about a decade, I would often wake up having twisted a nut in my sleep. I would then have to walk gingerly for the rest of the day until the pain went away. 30 years later, this seems to be gone, but there were some mighty uncomfortable mornings for a long time after - look up post vasectomy pain syndrome for reference.


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> If we are going to reopen this thread, I should mention that my vasectomy caused me about 10 years of periodic pain.
> 
> The operation itself wasn't all that bad, except for the part where the good doctor pulled my Vas Deferens out above his shoulder (I think), which felt exactly like a full kick to the crotch. It almost made me vomit on the table, and it isn't the kind of pain that local anesthesia works on.
> 
> But then, for about a decade, I would often wake up having twisted a nut in my sleep. I would then have to walk gingerly for the rest of the day until the pain went away. 30 years later, this seems to be gone, but there were some mighty uncomfortable mornings for a long time after - look up post vasectomy pain syndrome for reference.


Jesus!

I had no idea.


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## Cletus

ConanHub said:


> Jesus!
> 
> I had no idea.


Still worth it


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> Still worth it


Still makes me glad I didn't have to risk it.

Mrs. C couldn't have more after our second son was born and got tied. I would have considered getting the snip though but that story had me sweating. 😳


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## ccpowerslave

Cletus said:


> look up post vasectomy pain syndrome for reference.


This is why I haven’t had it. A guy I know IRL also had an issue where his nuts got infected or something and he didn’t like it very much. Chronic pain of the nuts sounds not great to me.


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## Cici1990

There’s something about the idea of a man who cannot impregnate me that is a huge turn off to me. I don’t mean it in a cruel way or against anyone who is sterile or has a vasectomy or any other reason why they can’t impregnate somebody. There is just something mentally there related to my arousal where if I think you do not at least in theory have the ability to impregnate me it just doesn’t work for me. For most women who do not want children or anymore children, I think vasectomies are generally a very welcome thing as far as the attitudes of women I know in real life.


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## DTO

Cletus said:


> If we are going to reopen this thread, I should mention that my vasectomy caused me about 10 years of periodic pain.


Similar. I had significant pain for 6 months or so and still get the occasional twinge 18+ years later. I didn't have the rough surgery Conan did. No pain during the procedure except for getting the anesthetic shot.

The urologists to whom I was referred said it' a real thing and the pain can persist up to two years.


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## Al_Bundy

Best financial decision I've ever made.

We probably wouldn't do any procedure if we listened to just the ones that had problems. I know a couple guys who had issues but they both admitted they didn't follow the post care to a tee either. One decided to mow his lawn, lol.


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## DTO

Cici1990 said:


> There’s something about the idea of a man who cannot impregnate me that is a huge turn off to me. I don’t mean it in a cruel way or against anyone who is sterile or has a vasectomy or any other reason why they can’t impregnate somebody. There is just something mentally there related to my arousal where if I think you do not at least in theory have the ability to impregnate me it just doesn’t work for me. For most women who do not want children or anymore children, I think vasectomies are generally a very welcome thing as far as the attitudes of women I know in real life.


This a real thing according to my research too. Some men also can't deal with being sterile.


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## ConanHub

I still believe vasectomies are a good choice barring chronic pain.

Women are a lot healthier off of hormonal birth control.


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## Cici1990

I used to drive past a vasectomy reversal clinic every day where I lived at one time. I always thought it was funny that enough men were getting reversals that they had a whole darn clinic just specializing in that.


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## ccpowerslave

I’m not going to lie I also like the knowledge that I have a loaded gun.

With great power _comes_ great responsibility… 🤔

I was open to the idea that maybe it’s not always the woman who has to have the surgery. Apparently it’s a lot more invasive for them, so I was trying to be 21st century friendly until I read up on chronic nut pain.


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## DTO

Al_Bundy said:


> Best financial decision I've ever made.
> 
> We probably wouldn't do any procedure if we listened to just the ones that had problems. I know a couple guys who had issues but they both admitted they didn't follow the post care to a tee either. One decided to mow his lawn, lol.


Yes there is some of that. Most probably turn out fine, but there is misinformation (even in the medical community) that these things don't happen.


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## ConanHub

DTO said:


> Similar. I had significant pain for 6 months or so and still get the occasional twinge 18+ years later. I didn't have the rough surgery Conan did. No pain during the procedure except for getting the anesthetic shot.
> 
> The urologists to whom I was referred said it' a real thing and the pain can persist up to two years.


I'm not snipped nor likely to ever need it.

Cletus is the brave soul that underwent that ordeal.

I'd have to get liquored up to face ball brutality on that level.😉


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## Al_Bundy

I know more guys who didn't have it done and have chronic pains that last for 18 years at a minimum.


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## ccpowerslave

My thought was if I shoot a silver bullet then some higher power wanted me to have a child. 

Maybe that is archaic.

Since my wife’s period is irregular now, last month it was several days late and I started sweating a bit.


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## Al_Bundy

Or an evil power...............Jeffery Dahmer's dad probably wishes he got snipped.


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## ccpowerslave

Al_Bundy said:


> Or an evil power...............Jeffery Dahmer's dad probably wishes he got snipped.


I didn’t specify the alignment of the higher power hahah. With all the mental illness that runs in our families and how old we are a big roll of the dice for sure.


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## Cletus

Cici1990 said:


> I used to drive past a vasectomy reversal clinic every day where I lived at one time. I always thought it was funny that enough men were getting reversals that they had a whole darn clinic just specializing in that.


Turns out a reversal is one of the more effective treatments for certain types of post-vasectomy pain.


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## DTO

ConanHub said:


> I'm not snipped nor likely to ever need it.
> 
> Cletus is the brave soul that underwent that ordeal.
> 
> I'd have to get liquored up to face ball brutality on that level.😉


My bad Conan. And I understand the reluctance.


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## DTO

Cletus said:


> Turns out a reversal is one of the more effective treatments for certain types of post-vasectomy pain.


I wonder which circumstances. Both urologists I consulted recommended said to wait it out.


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## Divinely Favored

LisaDiane said:


> Actually, I meant to put a winking emoji with my post, because I was being a little funny about it, I wasn't being serious at all...sorry!!


Dont believe it! She felt like busting some chops but wasnt being froggy today. 😁


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## Divinely Favored

happyhusband0005 said:


> I'm agree with this. Let's say you start dating in a year, get really lucky and find a great woman right away, if you're smart you're going to date her for a good amount of time before getting married and trying for a kid. So best case scenario you have a kid at what 46-47. Do you really want to be the guy everyone thinks is at graduation for his grandchild? Not to mention having to plunk down 3-400k for college by then.
> 
> Also if you want no more kids but end up going along for the young wife, you just raised the likelihood of your second divorce by a lot.


Hell the teachers for my kids in pK to 3rd thought my wife was the grandmother. Ehh NO. We just waited until proper age to start spitting out kids. People wonder when you see kids and they already have 2 or 3 kids themselves. You think those are the little brothers or sisters...nope kid started spitting them out mid teens. 

Now comes along mom in 30s who had kids at 33 and 38 so teachers obviously think must be a grandmother.


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## Divinely Favored

I see a scenario where guy gets with a 30 something and during discussion of kids he makes it know he wants no more kids...she agrees verbally...he does not tell her he is snipped...dont matter, both said no kids. 

Rocks on and she wants kids hoping she might get pregnant and he change his mind, not knowing he was snipped. Gets pissy because she is now over 40 no kids. If she had said she wanted kids he could have told her he was snipped.

2nd case....same scenario....but she ends up pregnant. But you have been snipped. Easy pre-paternity test there. In that situation i would like to see her reaction to finding out SO had been snipped all along. Bet your ass a DNA test is forthcoming.


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## bobert

Divinely Favored said:


> People wonder when you see kids and they already have 2 or 3 kids themselves. You think those are the little brothers or sisters...nope kid started spitting them out mid teens.


Or people just assume the mother is a kid herself. My wife is 35 with 5 kids, and she frequently gets older folks using the "so many babies having babies these days" line. Or asked if she's the nanny or sibling.

My advice, don't make assumptions about someone's age.


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## bobert

Divinely Favored said:


> I see a scenario where guy gets with a 30 something and during discussion of kids he makes it know he wants no more kids...she agrees verbally...he does not tell her he is snipped...dont matter, both said no kids.
> 
> Rocks on and she wants kids hoping she might get pregnant and he change his mind, not knowing he was snipped. Gets pissy because she is now over 40 no kids. If she had said she wanted kids he could have told her he was snipped.
> 
> 2nd case....same scenario....but she ends up pregnant. But you have been snipped. Easy pre-paternity test there. In that situation i would like to see her reaction to finding out SO had been snipped all along. Bet your ass a DNA test is forthcoming.


I can't see how that would play out, unless the guy was purposely hiding the fact that he had a vasectomy. If they both said they didn't want kids, the topic of birth control would come up and he'd say he was snipped.


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## DinoMom

Just be very straight forward with anyone you date.


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## Divinely Favored

bobert said:


> I can't see how that would play out, unless the guy was purposely hiding the fact that he had a vasectomy. If they both said they didn't want kids, the topic of birth control would come up and he'd say he was snipped.


Unless she was on the pill and volunteered info prior. Some women take to regulate cycle.


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## bobert

Divinely Favored said:


> Unless she was on the pill and volunteered info prior. Some women take to regulate cycle.


Sure, but the man would still say he was snipped as well.


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## Divinely Favored

bobert said:


> Sure, but the man would still say he was snipped as well.


Why bring it up to a GF that is on the pill already that says she wants no kids? If neither want kids it is a moot point to bring it up, last i recall after 10 yrs there is a very slight chance to get the woman pregnant...like 3%.


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## bobert

Divinely Favored said:


> Why bring it up to a GF that is on the pill already that says she wants no kids? If neither want kids it is a moot point to bring it up, last i recall after 10 yrs there is a very slight chance to get the woman pregnant...like 3%.


Because that's how conversation works... They would say they don't want kids or would talk about birth control, and it would naturally come up. A guy doesn't just forget to mention it during that conversation. It's just not realistic. 

Less than 1% of vasectomies fail. Most that "fail" are in the first year and the man didn't go back to for a sperm count check.


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## Cici1990

Divinely Favored said:


> Why bring it up to a GF that is on the pill already that says she wants no kids? If neither want kids it is a moot point to bring it up, last i recall after 10 yrs there is a very slight chance to get the woman pregnant...like 3%.


I just can’t imagine having a serious relationship to the point where marriage was being talked about and a vasectomy remaining completely hidden unless the man was intentionally hiding it. I knew about any surgery that my husband ever had after we knew each other for only a few months and I imagine most spouses know these thing about each other. It would seem very strange to not know these things about each other before marriage imho


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## Divinely Favored

Cici1990 said:


> I just can’t imagine having a serious relationship to the point where marriage was being talked about and a vasectomy remaining completely hidden unless the man was intentionally hiding it. I knew about any surgery that my husband ever had after we knew each other for only a few months and I imagine most spouses know these thing about each other. It would seem very strange to not know these things about each other before marriage imho


I agree but some people are not the sharing personal info type. I imagine there are some women out there that have not divulged they had kid very young that they gave up for adoption or had abortion in the past or even trauma from past sexual assault. Some folks are just more secretive about personal things even to their loved ones.


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## Cici1990

Divinely Favored said:


> I agree but some people are not the sharing personal info type. I imagine there are some women out there that have not divulged they had kid very young that they gave up for adoption or had abortion in the past or even trauma from past sexual assault. Some folks are just more secretive about personal things even to their loved ones.


I agree; however, I think unless a past pregnancy has resulted in the woman being unable to have children then that information is not necessarily something she should be expected to share with a potential husband. I think it’s like comparing apples and oranges.


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## Divinely Favored

Cici1990 said:


> I agree; however, I think unless a past pregnancy has resulted in the woman being unable to have children then that information is not necessarily something she should be expected to share with a potential husband. I think it’s like comparing apples and oranges.


That is what i am saying...if both agree no kids and she is taking BC pills for regulation then there is no reason he should be expected to share that info.

But at the same time, if he marries her is there going to be a kid show up wanting to be part of the family?

If his beliefs that abortion is very wrong it may be something he would choose not to continue dating her.

So in those scenarios above, her past has just as much relavence as his vasectomy.


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## bobert

If a man is against abortion and would end a relationship over it, then of course the woman should be honest. Same goes for placing a child for adoption. 

It still makes no sense that a man wouldn't divulge his vasectomy in your scenario though. If a couple really doesn't want kids, the "double protection" would be a relief. And what if the woman was late one month due to stress or whatever and stressing out, the guy wouldn't calm her anxiety? 

The information should be shared even if just for medical history purposes. Every married couple should know their spouses full medical history.


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## ethanfischer

DTO said:


> I wonder which circumstances. Both urologists I consulted recommended said to wait it out.


Usually they will inject anesthetic into the spermatic cord. If it resolves the pain (temporarily) the recommendation is to go with a Spermatic Cord Denervation. If it doesn't work, and if there is a sense of fullness + pain with and after ejaculation, they will recommend reversal. They usually suggest you wait a year or so.

Many uros don't recommend reversal just because they are uncomfortable accepting the fact that vasectomy can cause chronic pain. Then there is the issue that it restores fertility, costs about 10k and is not covered by insurance.

I collect stories about post vasectomy pain syndrome at www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain. (Here is yours...

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/comments/oecaph
)


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## DTO

ethanfischer said:


> Usually they will inject anesthetic into the spermatic cord. If it resolves the pain (temporarily) the recommendation is to go with a Spermatic Cord Denervation. If it doesn't work, and if there is a sense of fullness + pain with and after ejaculation, they will recommend reversal. They usually suggest you wait a year or so.
> 
> Many uros don't recommend reversal just because they are uncomfortable accepting the fact that vasectomy can cause chronic pain. Then there is the issue that it restores fertility, costs about 10k and is not covered by insurance.
> 
> I collect stories about post vasectomy pain syndrome at www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain. (Here is yours...
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/comments/oecaph
> )


Thank you!! 

I think admitting it can cause pain is probably not the main issue. It's more likely that reversal is pricey and any surgery carries additional risk.


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## LisaDiane

Divinely Favored said:


> Dont believe it! She felt like busting some chops but wasnt being froggy today. 😁


You are being silly!!!!! I posted that 9 months ago...I can't even remember it!!! Lol!!!

I was actually teasing @RebuildingMe more than Cletus, because HE started it!!


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## LisaDiane

ccpowerslave said:


> My thought was if I shoot a silver bullet then some higher power wanted me to have a child.
> 
> Maybe that is archaic.
> 
> Since my wife’s period is irregular now, last month it was several days late and I started sweating a bit.


Oh, you should be...you are at a BAD age to have a kid!!! Lol!

I LOVED having children, but running around after toddlers in my 40s+ would have been awful!!!!

When my boys were little (they are 1 1/2yrs apart), they spent ALL day trying to climb to the highest point in any room - the back of the couch, the TV cabinet, the top of the dresser, all the counters...one time, the water heater...etc etc!! 

Your silver bullet theory is too much risk in my book!!! Lol!


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## LisaDiane

Cici1990 said:


> There’s something about the idea of a man who cannot impregnate me that is a huge turn off to me. I don’t mean it in a cruel way or against anyone who is sterile or has a vasectomy or any other reason why they can’t impregnate somebody. There is just something mentally there related to my arousal where if I think you do not at least in theory have the ability to impregnate me it just doesn’t work for me. For most women who do not want children or anymore children, I think vasectomies are generally a very welcome thing as far as the attitudes of women I know in real life.


Lol!!! Wait until those twins are on their feet and running in different directions...you will feel THE OPPOSITE way!!!


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## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> Oh, you should be...you are at a BAD age to have a kid!!! Lol!
> 
> I LOVED having children, but running around after toddlers in my 40s+ would have been awful!!!!


Hahaha. I would figure it was karmic justice somehow.

My parents are still alive and I’m sure they would do a backflip of joy.


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## drencrom

LonelyHiker said:


> Sorry, going through a messy divorce so just need to get my mind off of things..so this popped into my head.
> Question: if a man has a vasectomy, is that a good or bad thing when dating in the later stages of life. I'm 43 and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids, however, I would consider getting it reversed if the right woman came along. I am in no way considering dating anytime soon, but was curious as to what women might think. I know it freed up a lot of things in my marriage when I had it done (no worrying about babies). Just curious.


Well if you are like me, it doesn't matter whether its a pro or con for women. I am not looking for commitment and got the V for myself.


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## DTO

drencrom said:


> Well if you are like me, it doesn't matter whether its a pro or con for women. I am not looking for commitment and got the V for myself.


Of course you did it for yourself. Still, having it be a plus for the ladies is a great side benefit!


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## Bounceback67

I had a V - not a good experience and my understanding is that its not easy to reverse


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## DTO

Bounceback67 said:


> I had a V - not a good experience and my understanding is that its not easy to reverse


It's an extensive surgery and costly (insurance won't cover it) but doable. If your goal is to regain fertility, that doesn't always happen even if the reconnection is successful. Surgery to fix any vasectomy problems is not recommended because they generally go away with time and surgery always carries a risk of creating further problems. I had some and looked into this as well, consulted with two different specialists.


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## GoodDad5

After my wife and I decided 6 years ago that two kids were good for us, I had the V done. The ob/gyn told my wife that having any more kids would have risked her health even further, considering both pregnancies were hard on her as it was, and she already has a chronic illness that pregnancy can worsen. For me it was a no brainer to have done as the counterpart for women is major surgery and I didn't want her to go through that. I'm perfectly happy with my two kids and don't desire to have any more. I'm in my early 40s now and honestly if we were to ever split, I think having the V would make things easier in another relationship as I wouldn't be looking for anyone that much younger than myself.

The only pain per say I feel is post ejaculation, but it's more of a dull ache like blue balls and goes away after a bit.


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## Ladyrare

Perhaps for men who have had some kids and then have a vasectomy, the vasectomy comes at the same time as a busy home life, so both partners have little time to invest in relaxation and in their relationship. Also, both people are by definition older than before which may sometimes for some couples also lead to less sex (for example due to health reasons, weight problems, aging, etc).


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

DTO said:


> It's an extensive surgery and costly (insurance won't cover it) but doable. If your goal is to regain fertility, that doesn't always happen even if the reconnection is successful. Surgery to fix any vasectomy problems is not recommended because they generally go away with time and surgery always carries a risk of creating further problems. I had some and looked into this as well, consulted with two different specialists.


I know a guy who's had the reversal three times, kids born all three times. Just saying there are some success stories out there


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## bobert

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I know a guy who's had the reversal three times, kids born all three times. Just saying there are some success stories out there


The guy hates condoms so much that he'd rather have (and pay for) 3-4 vasectomies and 3 reversals? Seems... odd.


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## bobert

DTO said:


> It's an extensive surgery and costly (*insurance won't cover it*) but doable. If your goal is to regain fertility, that doesn't always happen even if the reconnection is successful. Surgery to fix any vasectomy problems is not recommended because they generally go away with time and surgery always carries a risk of creating further problems. I had some and looked into this as well, consulted with two different specialists.


Insurance does sometimes cover reversals, if the doctor believes it will solve post-vasectomy issues. They won't cover reversals if they are being done just to restore fertility.

Of course this will vary based on your plan/provider, and probably luck of the draw. My insurance does cover one vasectomy as well as reversal in certain situations. They won't cover the repeat vasectomy after the first failed though


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## DTO

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I know a guy who's had the reversal three times, kids born all three times. Just saying there are some success stories out there


That's interesting, given that removing a section and / or cautery of the Vasa is common.


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## ThatDarnGuy!

At 43, I think having another kid is a bad idea. This is the point in your life when you should be getting back to having fun with your spouse or dating if single. Also focus on saving for retirement and building a career..... I know I have 0 interest in chasing around a toddler anymore.


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## Numb26

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> At 43, I think having another kid is a bad idea. This is the point in your life when you should be getting back to having fun with your spouse or dating if single. Also focus on saving for retirement and building a career..... I know I have 0 interest in chasing around a toddler anymore.


Had my youngest at 45. I don't regret it. But I absolutely got the V done right after!


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## bobert

DTO said:


> That's interesting, given that removing a section and / or cautery of the Vasa is common.


Whoever did all of those vasectomies may have just snipped the vas and clipped one or both ends shut.


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## DTO

bobert said:


> Whoever did all of those vasectomies may have just snipped the vas and clipped one or both ends shut.


Yes, probably. But seems odd since IIRC that makes for a higher failure rate.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

bobert said:


> The guy hates condoms so much that he'd rather have (and pay for) 3-4 vasectomies and 3 reversals? Seems... odd.


Odd for you I'm thinking. 

Not all are the same.
Three marriages starting after boot camp. Over 35 years. Current marriage 15 yrs strong, the keeper. Regularly has kids from all three marriages to his house, grandkids, actively involved in all. Now retired Marine after a stellar career.

You've got to remember all situations aren't the same as yours.


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## bobert

DTO said:


> Yes, probably. But seems odd since IIRC that makes for a higher failure rate.


It sure does.


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## jenny_1

From my perspective, the only advantage a vasectomy provides is me not having to use contraception. But as a relatively young female eventually wanting a family, I wouldn't want to date a guy who's had a vasectomy.


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## Erudite

Here's the thing don't make a change to your body for the benefit of anyone but yourself. You need to get crystal clear on whether or not you want kids. Being "open to the possibility" of kids at your age is just a way to cast a wider net. You could actually harm a future relationship by saying open to having kids, they believe you, fall for you, then you change your mind based on unforseen circumstances.


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## frenchpaddy

I had a friend he was father of 7 ,
Both he and his wife did not want more children they were very religious and had bible reading in their house once a week with other like minded people often tried to talk me into going along , or staying when the cars would start calling in , 
they both talked about he getting the V but he for some reason would not so pushed her to get her tubes tied , 
she was not very happy about it as she said it was a much lighter op for him than for her , she got the op and not long after he gained money , something he never had , and left home to start a new import export business in Africa where he picked up with a local girl and went on to have a second family


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## maskeddreamer01

LonelyHiker said:


> Sorry, going through a messy divorce so just need to get my mind off of things..so this popped into my head.
> Question: if a man has a vasectomy, is that a good or bad thing when dating in the later stages of life. I'm 43 and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids, however, I would consider getting it reversed if the right woman came along. I am in no way considering dating anytime soon, but was curious as to what women might think. I know it freed up a lot of things in my marriage when I had it done (no worrying about babies). Just curious.


If you are already saying, "and I am fine if I don't have anymore kids", then I think you are at the point where you know you don't want any. Just because you find the "right" person 2nd time around shouldn't change your thinking. I would suggest your future dates are those who don't want kids/already have and don't want any more as well. Then you can work on each other and also be good parents to those you may have already have vs complicating things. Lord knows there are too many part time parents out there already.


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