# My husband treats me like a child!



## pinkflowers (Oct 23, 2014)

I am newly married (married in August 2014) and I adore my husband - we typically have an awesome relationship unless I say something that he feels is a "dig" at him. For Example - this past weekend I made the comment - "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight" (please keep in mind we are intimate almost nightly). The night before he feel asleep early so we did not make love. He was tired early again the next night and I made the comment to him which infuriated him. He became very, very harsh towards me by raising his voice and making it very clear that he did not appreciate me making that statement and felt I was flipping him I the forehead. I apologized multiple times and told him how sorry I was that I made him feel this way...here's where I need advice...he would not make love to me after this incident as he said he no longer felt "close" to me??? I am struggling....I did not say anything on purpose to hurt his feelings or make a dig at him. why would I? He spent the next 2 hours making sure I knew how terrible I made him feel and that he was "shocked and amazed" I would say something like this to him?? I sat looking at him in shock and couldn't believe the HUGE deal he was making over my slip of words. He told me your words and actions always have "consequences". Am I a child??? Does my husband need to give me consequences if I make a mistake? 

I love my husband dearly and it is heart breaking when he treats me like this...what should I do??


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## pinkflowers (Oct 23, 2014)

I am 42 and my husband is 48


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And how long did you date before getting married?

I'm not sure how he's treating you like a child, but he is behaving like an ass. Assuming we're getting the full story.

C


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## pinkflowers (Oct 23, 2014)

We dated a year before getting married but knew each other over 10 years before dating. 

Yes, maybe you're right - he's being more hateful than treating me like a child. 

It's just very hurtful and makes me wonder what I did that was so wrong...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Does he do this kind of thing often? What else triggers it? Would he consider counseling to try to work through this?

C


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

He is way overreacting to what you said. He sounds 18 not 48. He probably felt it was a dig at his manhood or something. Next time you go a day or so without intimacy don't bring it up to him. Eventually you will be intimate less the longer you are married, that's part of life, don't make a big deal about it. He probably feels pressured to be intimate with you every night and if he feels forced by you then it's not pleasurable for him and he may become resentful.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

pinkflowers said:


> I am newly married (married in August 2014) and I adore my husband - we typically have an awesome relationship unless I say something that he feels is a "dig" at him. For Example - this past weekend I made the comment - "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight" (please keep in mind we are intimate almost nightly). The night before he feel asleep early so we did not make love. He was tired early again the next night and I made the comment to him which infuriated him. He became very, very harsh towards me by raising his voice and making it very clear that he did not appreciate me making that statement and felt I was flipping him I the forehead. I apologized multiple times and told him how sorry I was that I made him feel this way...here's where I need advice...he would not make love to me after this incident as he said he no longer felt "close" to me??? I am struggling....I did not say anything on purpose to hurt his feelings or make a dig at him. why would I? He spent the next 2 hours making sure I knew how terrible I made him feel and that he was "shocked and amazed" I would say something like this to him?? I sat looking at him in shock and couldn't believe the HUGE deal he was making over my slip of words. He told me your words and actions always have "consequences". Am I a child??? Does my husband need to give me consequences if I make a mistake?
> 
> I love my husband dearly and it is heart breaking when he treats me like this...what should I do??


Intimate almost nightly??  goddamnit...

ok...back to your question. He sounds like a major ****head. Is he on Viagra or something and afraid you found out?

His reaction was way over the top. Red flag? Other things he flipped out over?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Sounds like he way way overreacted, assuming you're telling us everything.

I will say this, saying "I guess you're too tired again..." if you say it in a certain tone could come across as, maybe not a "dig" but like you don't really believe him that he's too tired or that you are implying he doesn't have enough vigor or something. Again, I think he is way overreacting, but it does sound like you were annoyed to begin with that he didn't want to, so maybe there are other underlying issues too.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Yeah this isn't a good start to a new marriage. Sounds like a temper issue.

Although you did start the topic off with a negative comment, it didn't deserve the reaction he had.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

I would love to bang every night! :smthumbup: I wouldn't care how my wife asked me either. I would think it was kind of hot if she wanted it bad enough to tease me about being tired.


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## pinkflowers (Oct 23, 2014)

Thank you all so much for the comments and suggestions - to answer one question - yes, we are currently in marriage counseling to work communicating better in these situations. I am tend to be over-sensitive and he tends to over-react. 

I plan to also discuss with our counselor that it bothers me that my husband is the ultimate deciding factor on if we make love each night. Why is it ok for him to say "I just can't make love tonight" after we've had an argument but I'm the opposite and want to make love after an argument. I never get to feel the need and want of intimacy with him after a fight or argument...we NEVER have make up sex because he says "he's not programmed that way". I'm not ok with that...I like to feel intimate and close after an argument. 

Thanks Again All ~


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

The person who says no I don't feel like having sex has the final say. If he doesn't feel like it then you have no choice but to go along with it. It's not unusual for a person not to want to have sex with their partner after an argument, especially women. The best way to not have him refuse you is to not have an argument with him. You know what makes him mad so avoid doing it.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

- "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight" 

You dont see this as a challenging statement?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"*You know what makes him mad so avoid doing it. "*

Please don't feel as though you have to tip-toe around your husband to avoid setting him off. He doesn't know how to handle his anger & takes it out on you. It's not your fault.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

pinkflowers said:


> Why is it ok for him to say "I just can't make love tonight" after we've had an argument but I'm the opposite and want to make love after an argument. I never get to feel the need and want of intimacy with him after a fight or argument...we NEVER have make up sex because he says "he's not programmed that way". I'm not ok with that...I like to feel intimate and close after an argument.
> 
> Thanks Again All ~


pf, make up sex is a form of hysterical bonding and if you like make up sex then it's motive to fight therefore leading to make up sex. So it's a red flag you might want to think about internally.


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## pinkflowers (Oct 23, 2014)

toonaive said:


> - "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight"
> 
> You dont see this as a challenging statement?


No, not in the context it was used I do not believe it was a challenging statement. Also, after he brought it to my attention I said how sorry I was that it bothered him multiple times...this didn't matter as he continued for 2 hours to make a huge deal about what I said.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It depends on the tone she used as to whether it could be heard as challenging. The question could have been phrased as "Are you up for lovemaking tonight?". Of course, the word '*up*' could have set him off (if he wasn't).


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

pinkflowers said:


> "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight" (please keep in mind we are intimate almost nightly). The night before he feel asleep early so we did not make love. He was tired early again the next night and I made the comment to him which infuriated him.


That sound kind of like accusation. You could see he was tired. you could chosen to just be close physically, affectionate, little playful and see if get re-gains his energy. They way you did it, was like an accusation of him not being manly enough.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

pinkflowers said:


> Thank you all so much for the comments and suggestions - to answer one question - yes, we are currently in marriage counseling to work communicating better in these situations. I am tend to be over-sensitive and he tends to over-react.
> 
> I plan to also discuss with our counselor that it bothers me that my husband is the ultimate deciding factor on if we make love each night. *Why is it ok for him to say "I just can't make love tonight" after we've had an argument **but I'm the opposite and want to make love after an argument. * I never get to feel the need and want of intimacy with him after a fight or argument...we NEVER have make up sex because he says "he's not programmed that way". I'm not ok with that...I like to feel intimate and close after an argument. You do sound a little childish to me. He sounds like having temper issues, you sound like things must go your way or you get upset and accusatory.
> 
> Thanks Again All ~


I think you have some expectations and get upset when they are not fulfilled. Many people do not want to have sex after arguments. You seem to be blaming him for this, because you want to have sex how dares he not to? It is ok for him to say, the same way it is ok for you to say no.

He sounds like having temper issues. You sound like someone who must have her way or gets upset and accusatory.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

toonaive said:


> - "I guess you're too tired to make love to me again tonight"
> 
> You dont see this as a challenging statement?


I wondered the same thing...


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

He overreacted but I would be annoyed with your passive aggressive statement as well.


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