# Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

And wives, your comments too -what IS your husband's "edge".....if you can put it into words? 

Before I came to TAM, I don't think I ever heard this expression....but women use it, men use it....can it be explained? ... it seems to be terribly important in that game of attraction, or keeping one attracted....(or is that just for certain types)....it is something SOME men magically posses or can it be upped... mastered....from Edgelessness to Edginess. 

And I bet some loose their "edge" after marraige, after they settle into family life. 

I was trying to explain this to my husband the other night after watching an episode of the Bachelorette -her saying one of the guys just had that "EDGE" with a big ol' smile on her face 

My attempt at explaining...It's some magnetic charm- like a moth to a flame.... makes a man slightly rebelliously alluring, might not even be able to put it into words, but it keeps her coming back for more...inwardly swooning.....some mystery to the man, he leaves her intrigued, a little challenge, a sense of adventure..... one definition said ...daring, provocative, trend-setting. 

What about YOU attracted your other half, have you been able to maintain it over the years, have you lost it, regained it, grew in it .... and how do you explain just "what it IS"....


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

For me, it's confidence that attracts me. A confident man has that slightly rebelliouslly alluring appeal... like you are going to have to play sexy to get him. 

Confidence brings out my sexiness.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

For my husband, it's his confidence. Not c0ckiness, mind you, but just a confidence in himself that he knows who he is and knows what he deserves.

He rarely cares what other people think and believes his actions speak louder than running his mouth off...Like at work, he's one of the best in his field, regardless of where he's working. He doesn't brag or put other guys down. He helps other guys at work and tries to teach them what they don't know. 

He has enough confidence that he doesn't have to put me down to make himself feel better about himself. He lets me know I'm a special and wonderful person. He often tells me how good I take care of him and how much he loves me. He also won't put up with me treating him poorly. He is confident enough to know he could do better than be with a woman who treats him like sh!t.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

An " edge " in a man is not something magical..
Its something that gives him that " umph ", that commands respect from his peers / contemporaries , and the opposite sex.
It is something that is developed through a combination of life's experiences and his goals/ ambitions.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I certainly think that some people will explain it very differently, especially younger people, because some seem to only equate it to the attitude they seek to maintain for attracting others. But I'm older, and so maybe my explanation is very different.

I remember the exact moment that a new understanding of life suddenly dawned on me. Before, I was timid, shy and always doubting. An older man in our community, who worked in a store but also did volunteer work with younger native american boys on Saturday mornings had asked me about why I seemed to always stand back, undecided. He asked me what was the worst thing that someone could do to me if they didn't like me, or disagreed? It just hit me that I could either hang back in the shadows in life in self doubt, or be bold and decisive. If I wanted to get to know a girl in my class, I could just do it. Conversely, I didn't need the affirmation of the various social groupings in school.

I guess you would equate it with confidence, but I really saw life as constant growing, trying to understand others, and how to better leverage myself in a way that I could have meaningful relationships. In other words, I knew that college would be very different from high school, where a young half-indian was pretty normal. Knew that I had to learn the ropes socially.

In relationships, its about feeling confident in who I am and what I have to offer, and fully understanding that some women have different interests, so I'm not going to pretend to be something different to make them like me. But if I wanted to get to know someone, why hesitate?

So, maybe its different for others, but my wife always talked about that edge that kept her interested in dating me. She was determined that she wouldn't marry me at first because I came from such a broken family, and I didn't share her religious beliefs. Eventually, she got to know that I wanted a solid family, and that my beliefs were closer than she thought. We even went through a traditional engagement ceremony followed by some of the tribes in that area, while having a christian wedding.

People sometimes make a mental assumption that people who think like that are self-absorbed. I don't think that it has to be this way. One of the first things you learn about meeting people is that they all want their needs to be met in a relationship. A person who cares about nothing but himself won't be appealing at all.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

My "edge" apparently is my niche for being financially self sufficient. This is true in spite of my divorce nearly bankrupting me.
In any event, money is the only thing my ex has ever mentioned each time she has tried to get me to take her back for more abuse.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

physical presence (not used on my wife), i am the size of an nfl offensive lineman

confidence, willingness to confront people that need to be confronted in work and personal life

dont put up with sh-t from anyone


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I'm not sure what younger folks think 'edge' is - it might be something different than what I see it as. 

When I first met my H, I noticed he had an 'edge' (he still does have it). He was just different than the other guys that I had dated - he was more confident in himself and more self-possessed. He didn't seem to be too concerned with what others thought of him, he seemed to always have a purpose, and he had a strong physical presence. He's not particularly tall - just average height - but he seemed to exude masculine strength.

And all of those things combined certainly gave him an 'edge' with me.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And wives, your comments too -what IS your husband's "edge".....if you can put it into words?
> 
> Before I came to TAM, I don't think I ever heard this expression....but women use it, men use it....can it be explained? ... it seems to be terribly important in that game of attraction, or keeping one attracted....(or is that just for certain types)....it is something SOME men magically posses or can it be upped... mastered....from Edgelessness to Edginess.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

A sense of humor and confidence is a huge edge to me.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I was interested in my husband's perspective if I had an 'edge' and what that was/is. After my failed attempt of trying to explain edge and the humorous conversation that came about as a result, I read him your post to help me out.

He said my edge was my self-confidence, attitude, that I was engaged in life and passionate with my hobbies. He also said that he admires my perspective on things and how I keep them contained - that I don't let something bother me for a long time. He said some aspects have gone into hibernation over the last year but he sees them emerging again with the changes I'm making for myself.

His edge for me was that he was confident and self-assured but in a way that was somewhat vulnerable at the same time. He had a self-awareness and perspective that was different to others I'd met. I liked how independent he was, through needing to be. He made stuff happen for himself, work and paying his way, the best way he knew how. He was consistent in what he was about. I think he still has it. Over the years, I'd say part of that 'edge' has been dormant at certain times but I see it again now. I find it attractive.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

^ I told him what I'd written about him ......lol. He puffed out his chest and strutted up and down remarking "Yes" in a cheeky voice. Then said "Wait, who is this great guy you're speaking about?"

:rofl:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I was thinking more on this, and I think his 'edge' emerged through his experiences until that point. His un-rosy childhood, his need to learn how to be in the world based on those factors. I guess it was related to his growth that resulted through his own lessons, acceptance and focus. That did go hand-in-hand with coping mechanisms that he no longer needs and is unlearning, but the positive aspects - taking responsibility for himself, being aware of his strengths and limitations, having compassion and understanding...these are things I observe about him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



> *Stonewall said*: I don't think I have an edge SA! Based on your knowledge of the diff personalities plus the fact that you know my type so well I assume you know what I mean. I have no idea what she sees in me or what keeps her coming back for more so to speak. I'm the kind of guy that is a girls best friend rather than her attraction. I hate that about myself but what can I do? My sister in law actually told me not to long ago " I love talking to you cause its just like talking to my best girlfriend."
> 
> No doubt she meant that as a complement but damn! From a guy perspective it sounds a little to effeminate.


Oh Stonewall, gotta LOVE your thoughts ...don't feel bad..... I've been meaning to get back to this thread & try to explain what does it for me in my very laid back husband ....and honesty...as usual... YOUR WORDS completely SUM up his perspective -- Oh yeah... I :rofl: reading this & earlier yelled your reply to him in the other room..... .he said ...."that's ME!". 

The other night we talked about this.... I asked him what he felt HIS edge was...His answer......"I ain't got none". Very typical .....Mr Humble, he probably couldn't brag himself up for a million dallors. I said well he isn't no Mr Rogers!







...reminding him he keeps me entertained and I ain't exactly the easiest woman to please....in some areas anyway.... so he got something going on!! 

Then he starts singing ...."would you be mine, would you be mine, won't you be my neighbor".... He gets me :rofl: anyway.

Like yourself Stonewall, my husband doesn't have alot of those things I listed (the mystery, ongoing adventure, oozing with outward confidence....he is also my best friend - like a side kick girlfriend to me).... he IS pretty even keeled...always know what to expect..... but yet I am still enraptured, and want him every day. 

This is putting my brain to the metal... but obviously the man has some "edge" to him...

*1*. My husband will never come close to resembling a Bad Boy....he is too Responsible, good hearted, much integrity there...Risk & living daringly will never be something he does much.....BUT... he does possess a "devious" inner side...He can be humorously sarcastic... He is not a "goody goody" -the type that has a self rigtheous stuffy Properness....he can be Redneckish, he can be dirty minded (bring it on), he can speak it like it is & make no apologies for it (around family anyway).... he might get the sh** kicked out of him if he let loose like that in public...he jokes about this.... at least he has some "sense". What is edgy about this is...he is speaking his mind in it's fullness before me....the good , the bad, the ugly, not holding anything back. 

*2*. He can flow with my Hot temperedness when it rears & seems to enjoy making fun of me....what this is worth >> Gold. He handles me so well. I think our "chemistry" - is what keeps us enthused for each other.....He makes ME feel good about myself... "wholly accepted" -loved anyway.....and I make him feel good about himself as well... we feed off of each other. I can be a feisty one... this revvs him up & brings out more of his liveliness that might otherwise lie dormant. In this way, we are very good for each other. 


*3.* On to the Humor... *Humor* is always an "edge" for women. Although my husband is more on the introverted quiet side....he has his moments...with that DRY 'saltine cracker" humor waiting in the wings...when he lets a comment rip....It's taken me by storm...I have been doubled over on the floor -have peed my pants even! Love those nights... we laugh heartily. 

He has a gift with Impersonations too ....he used to do some of his old customers... I felt I knew these crazy people.... .and his Nasty Boss...he does the man amazingly. The boss would probably want to :BoomSmilie_anim: him - but the kids think dad is a barrel of laughs. 


*4.* A spotlight he has no use for- would RUN from....but like Bubblygirl's post about her husband....mine too doesn't run his mouth to show his ego (he works with a few like this, I get an earful of their pride on a weekly basis)... but feels actions are what speaks - he doesn't put others down to uplift himself, and doesn't really care what others think -unless it is within our family circle. 

I know he is a very "content" man (said this just tonight) -feels there is no lack, no striving, happy within himself. In this way, he possesses a "quiet confidence"... He knows how loved & needed he is as a Father, and treats me better than any man ever could.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



> *Halien said: *I remember the exact moment that a new understanding of life suddenly dawned on me. Before, I was timid, shy and always doubting. An older man in our community, who worked in a store but also did volunteer work with younger native american boys on Saturday mornings had asked me about why I seemed to always stand back, undecided. He asked me what was the worst thing that someone could do to me if they didn't like me, or disagreed? It just hit me that I could either hang back in the shadows in life in self doubt, or be bold and decisive. If I wanted to get to know a girl in my class, I could just do it. Conversely, I didn't need the affirmation of the various social groupings in school.


 I love your response Halien ! Such a wise old man with his pointed questions to you...he had his eye on your "timid" behavior ...he called you out & inspired you at the same time! :smthumbup:



> In relationships, its about feeling confident in who I am and what I have to offer, and fully understanding that some women have different interests, so I'm not going to pretend to be something different to make them like me. But if I wanted to get to know someone, why hesitate?


 Simple wisdom again, isn't it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I've always been dull


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husbands edge is that he was the only man who wouldn't put up with my crap. Lol.


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

And here I thought I was edgeless. Just leave it to my wife. She knows how to hit all the nails on the head. 

She never did like Mr. Rogers for some reason.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SA's husband said:


> And here I thought I was edgeless. Just leave it to my wife. She knows how to hit all the nails on the head.
> 
> She never did like Mr. Rogers for some reason.


SA says you do impersonations well too. Well damn if that aint another parellel there hoss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

Professionally I am mostly confident which I'm sure attracted her.
Athlectically I was down right c0cky which I'm sure she loved.
Intellectually I'm a mixture of the two which gets on her nerves.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Stonewall said:


> SA says you do impersonations well too. Well damn if that aint another parellel there hoss.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This will explain it Stonewall... you know I am not surprised to hear this from you !! >>> PHLEGMATIC: THE WELL-BALANCED PERSON




> Phlegmatics are Humorous and Reserved . They are the types who tell jokes without laughing themselves. They talk less than normal; at times they can be at meetings without contributing at all. They often come in to plead for people who have misbehaved and need discipline. They are good listeners and imitators; they can imitate exactly the voices, behaviours and actions of people.


I would love to hear EastCoastGirl's thoughts on your "edge" Stonewall, I wonder how similar it would be! So she loves your imitations as well, I presume. I think I really did pee my pants one time - years ago -with some of the bombs he drops in a perfectly timed moment - hanging with friends .


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## eastcoastgirl (Jul 8, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

****, Stone is sitting here looking at me like....???. I said stop looking at me I am not telling you. Stop fishing. LOL>

I can't say that he has one thing (edge) but many, like a double edged sword for a lack of better words. So do I brag on him and make his head bigger? LOL.

He is quite whitty at times and has a knack for telling me absolutely bull**** things that are "facts" and I fall face first for them and he just gives me that **** eating grin. He is not a good liar. LOL.

He is wise beyond his years and sometimes a wise ass too.

He is slow to react to anger but he can cut you down with a vocabulary that the average person doesn't know what the heck he is saying. In other words he can tell you to eat **** and die in "high fluentening " terms and with grace and confidence.

He can go from a poor ole ******* to suave man in seconds. He can have a conversation with the most uneducated to those with higher education. He doesn't seem to be intimidated by anyone.

He keeps me in balance of sorts. He is responsible for our finances and keeps me informed .
He goes to my parents house twice a day to give dad his medication He goes grocery shopping for them and us.
He is a great daddy and granddaddy.

He is a great lover, always eager to makes sure my needs are met.

He is my best friend.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



sinnister said:


> Professionally I am mostly confident which I'm sure attracted her.
> Athlectically I was down right c0cky which I'm sure she loved.
> *Intellectually I'm a mixture of the two which gets on her nerves*.



:lol:

Funny how sometimes the exact thing that gave you
" the edge " with your wife before marriage,could be a source of great annoyance later on in married life.
Before we were married my wife loved my bluntness ,and what gave me that edge was the fact that I always accomplished what I set out to do. I was a " do or die revolutionary." I didn't care about obstacles or conflicting opinions.
Now years into marriage,I have learned to temper my bluntness with " tendresse " [ especially when dealing with her  ] and that everything is not simply,black and white........


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



eastcoastgirl said:


> So do I brag on him and make his head bigger? LOL.


 but of course ~~ He so deserves it ! 



> He is wise beyond his years and sometimes a wise ass too.


 That mighty sarcasm ! Even when it is directed at me sometimes (my husband is the same way)... I still love it! 



> He is slow to react to anger but he can cut you down with a vocabulary that the average person doesn't know what the heck he is saying. In other words he can tell you to eat **** and die in "high fluentening " terms and with grace and confidence.


 Funny, I love this one! 



> He is a great lover, always eager to makes sure my needs are met.
> 
> He is my best friend.


 I can so relate .

Here is to You Stonewall, you officially have some Edge!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Lon said:


> I've always been dull


I think sometimes what one feels is not always what others may feel, we might be surprised. I hope this is the case with you Lon. Surely. 

For whatever it is worth .... you are gracefully articulate with your points, I enjoy your writing, always insightful... (except in the social section, that doesn't count - but others seem to LOVE you over there!)....I know I have been hitting the LIKE button alot lately reading your posts - you get to the heart of the matter. 

You have a gift with photography, how is that not COOL ..... likely a fabulous Dad.... I bet the sun & moon sets on "dear dad" in your son's life. ANd I know you aren't no Mr. Rogers, or you'd be too proper to engage in that crazy dysfunctional social section here....so you got the "humor bug". 

I am sure you have some "edge" in places you may not suspect - that someone will recognize...if you put yourself out there more so. Isn't this really all that is needed. 

Throw yourself in your element...whatever that may be... let your gifts shine before others, this is generally when our "edge" shows up and we're not even thinking about it so much!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

SA,

My edge is my motorcycle.

I keep telling Lon to get one.


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I think my edge is my ability to make really cool sounds when I put my hand under my armpit and move my arm up and down real fast. The ladies Loooove it!!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Conrad said:


> SA,
> 
> My edge is my motorcycle.
> 
> I keep telling Lon to get one.


Hey Connie, your words keep bouncing around in my head too... main holdup is financial atm. I'd love to be riding around on a sweet bike.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

SA you are too kind... I'm just struggling with the feelings of emptiness. my mood has actually been down for awhile despite all the great things that are happening in my life. But I did some healing calculator link someone posted on here and got spammed in my email inbox, however the messages I'm actually finding quite useful... one thing I've been doing is "flipping my thoughts" every time I have a negative thought about myself and write it down in my phone. Seems to be helping so far.

for the record, I love this place, I just wish I felt as natural stepping outside of my comfort zone in real life as I can here.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Lon said:


> I'm just struggling with the feelings of emptiness. my mood has actually been down for awhile despite all the great things that are happening in my life.


I'm prone to these type feelings of emptiness. I'm definately a glass is half empty kinda gal. What helps me is to keep my nose in a positive, uplifting book. They remind me to focus on what I have and less on what I don't have. Gratitude goes a long way to cure the feelings of emptiness.

And if that doesn't work within a couple of weeks I make a therapy appointment. :lol:

Seriously though it is a matter of learning to control your thoughts. Not easy but doable. I've learned to beat depression by learning to do this. I know now that my down feelings won't last. They never do. It passes. It always passes.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

Mine has to be my extremely nice nature and sweet disposition. The sad thing is that so many people, including my STBXW, have richly taken advantage of it. 

I am trying to tweak that a tad by studying No More Mr. Nice Guy at the behest of some of my dear friends here at TAM. I might be nice, but I need to install a BS detector against those who might try to take advantage of my good nature!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

My husband's edge is his quiet demeanor, emotional stability, dry sense of humor, clever way of seeing things, lack of a need for approval from outside sources, loyalty, and thoughtfulness specifically reserved for those he loves. In other words, he knows how to make you feel special in very creative ways and has the disposition to keep me from emotionally melting down into oblivion which is a place I would absolutely linger if not for him.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I have a real hard time answering this. I'm just myself most of the time. Can't complain i guess. I think much comes from the way my father taught me by example on how to behave like a man. It's all natural now. Deeply part of who i am.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



arbitrator said:


> Mine has to be my extremely nice nature and sweet disposition. The sad thing is that so many people, including my STBXW, have richly taken advantage of it.
> 
> I am trying to tweak that a tad by studying No More Mr. Nice Guy at the behest of some of my dear friends here at TAM. I might be nice, but I need to install a BS detector against those who might try to take advantage of my good nature!


My husband is like you Arbitrator ....and well, I ended up taking him for granted too -he just made it TOO easy... He would even admit to this ~ seriously. I never got too carried away, I always treated him pretty good, always wanting to be by his side... He was never terribly assertive to begin with -happy to just go along...whatever made the wife happy! ......It helped we generally wanted the same things. His only complaint was --he wanted more sex & affection ...while I was putting our babies in bed between us. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: 

I bought this book out of pure curiosity to see where my husband was getting it all wrong...so we could talk about these things... we went through some of the beginning pages together....

Taken from  No More Mr. Nice Guy! : Robert A. Glover: Books

Here is a list of NICE GUY Characteristics - Most guys have a few of these, but the headed for doormat status "NICE guys"- posses these in abundance . 


> Nice Guys are Givers
> 
> Nice Guys fix & Caretake
> 
> ...


There is problems with each one of those ...the motivation behind the doing is the issue.  What is happening is -- These men have been conditioned to believe that if they are "*NICE*" they will be loved, get their needs met and have a smooth life. 

Here is the hidden "not-so nice" traits of Nice Guys ...



> Nice guys can be Dishonest, secretive, compartmentalized, manipulative, controlling, they give to get, passive aggressive, some are full of rage, additive, have difficulty setting boundaries, frequently isolated, often attracted to people & situations that need fixing, frequently have problems in intimate relationships, have issues with sexuality, usually only relatively successful .


Of course those are not true for every Nice guy....we established my husband fit 4 of those plus a few we considered halfs in his case. 

Good book, it will make many things clear to you to help you on your way ...getting those "motivations" right, asserting yourself to your own needs in a relationship...which is so very important - so women don't take advantage!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



costa200 said:


> I have a real hard time answering this. I'm just myself most of the time. Can't complain i guess. I think much comes from the way my father taught me by example on how to behave like a man. It's all natural now. Deeply part of who i am.


I think some men are blessed like this, you likely have an outgoing extroverted temperment that helps you be so naturally "free"....plus the good upbringing to boot. And it all just flows easily for you. 

We all "dig" someone who is "free flowing social butterfly"- at least if we are interesting or entertaining in some way. 

I tend to think Introverts internally wrestle & worry more about such things, so they get a little hung up.

Not everyone has a fatherly example this day & age. Some are pi** poor. Probably another issue, some men need better role models in their lives to inspire them on their way.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband is like you Arbitrator ....and well, I ended up taking him for granted too -he just made it TOO easy... He would even admit to this ~ seriously. I never got too carried away, I always treated him pretty good, always wanting to be by his side... He was never terribly assertive to begin with -happy to just go along...whatever made the wife happy! ......It helped we generally wanted the same things. His only complaint was --he wanted more sex & affection ...while I was putting our babies in bed between us. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
> 
> I bought this book out of pure curiosity to see where my husband was getting it all wrong...so we could talk about these things... we went through some of the beginning pages together....
> 
> ...


SA:

I'm about 100 pages deep into the book and it is eye-opening. And what I seem to value from it is that it doesn't say that it is right or wrong to be a "nice guy," only that one should set some boundaries for himself. I have always been a people pleaser, but I'm finding that while doing that, I should take care of my primordial needs first, then theirs!

Really wish that I'd had access to this book 20 years ago!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Trenton said:


> My husband's edge is his quiet demeanor, emotional stability, dry sense of humor, clever way of seeing things, lack of a need for approval from outside sources, loyalty, and thoughtfulness specifically reserved for those he loves. In other words, he knows how to make you feel special in very creative ways and has the disposition to keep me from emotionally melting down into oblivion which is a place I would absolutely linger if not for him.


Don't forget his wardrobe.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

Well my edge I suppose is my fairly large appendage(or so they say)...... I can't really explain much about it other than the fact that its fairly large........... It grows on occasion, I really can't say if I've grown into it, I've grown to like it like a brother though


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

In my h, it's his confidence, his complete lack of trying to be anything other than who is. He doesn't even know how to try to impress people, he just is himself.
He has a physical grace and body awareness, and for me the best thing is that he speaks with confidence, he's very smart but also gentle. He has a few tattoos and likes some things others would consider "cool" but he just likes them because he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



anonymouskitty said:


> Well my edge I suppose is my fairly large appendage(or so they say)...... I can't really explain much about it other than the fact that its fairly large........... It grows on occasion, I really can't say if I've grown into it, I've grown to like it like a brother though


 Oh you gotta love men & these answers here! Yep...this is what does it for some... they know what they are after & they're visually measuring through the levis. 

I like your signature >>> "Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least.
Lord Chesterfield ". 




hunter411 said:


> I think my edge is my ability to make really cool sounds when I put my hand under my armpit and move my arm up and down real fast. The ladies Loooove it!!!


I couldn't help myself, had to put a you tube demonstration of your edge here >>> Armpit Farts - YouTube

Here is one who REALLY mastered the art >> AMAZING ARMPIT FARTS!! - YouTube

Are you this Good Hunter ?? I must admit that one had me rolling. 

I would think this would be an adolescent "edge" though, come on....like in 7th grade or something....


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Conrad said:


> Don't forget his wardrobe.


Hrm. No worries in me forgetting about that. I assure you.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



arbitrator said:


> SA:
> 
> I'm about 100 pages deep into the book and it is eye-opening. And what I seem to value from it is that it doesn't say that it is right or wrong to be a "nice guy," only that one should set some *boundaries* for himself. I have always been a people pleaser, but I'm finding that while doing that, I should take care of my primordial needs first, then theirs!
> 
> Really wish that I'd had access to this book 20 years ago!


Not that you need another book, just throwing this out there...this was one of MY personal favorite books of all time... I think it is the BEST in relation to those caught up in "people pleasing" and loosing a part of themselves... sometimes even becoming enablers to others boundaryless behavior. 

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life  

I was a little of a people pleaser but never too much, cause I learned early on... if I kept putting myself out there -doing things I felt were someone else's responsiblity -or I was being taken advantage of... I would end up Pi$$ed off & slowly resentful ...complaining about it later...and I refused to live like that... so I would DO when my *heart* was in it.... and NOT - when it wasn't, or I felt someone is trying to push themselves on me..... and just learned how to be honest about that - without taking on "guilt" for it--- this book helped me understand this was accually very healthy...for myself and others in my life, even earned more *respect* in the long run. 

It is Chrstian based also, which I know you would appreciate Arbitrator. 

Overview:



> Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives:
> 
> *Physical boundaries *help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.
> 
> ...


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

Originally Posted by :
Nice Guys are Givers

Nice Guys fix & Caretake 

Nice Guys seek approval from others

Nice Guys avoid Conflict

Nice Guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws & mistakes

Nice Guys seek the "right" way to do things

Nice Guys REPRESS their feelings

Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers

Nice Guys are often more comfortable relating to women than to men

Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority

Nice Guys often make their partner their emotional center

Just WOW!
You never cease to amaze me. Hell you know my personality better than me. On the bad side I am freqently isolated, often attracted to ppl and situations that need fixing (maybe thats why I wnated to be a paramedic), sometimes compartmentilized and somewhat secretive. But thats all I see in the bad side that i am aware of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Stonewall said:


> Just WOW!
> You never cease to amaze me. Hell you know my personality better than me. On the bad side I am freqently isolated, often attracted to ppl and situations that need fixing (maybe thats why I wnated to be a paramedic), sometimes compartmentilized and somewhat secretive. But thats all I see in the bad side that i am aware of.


Those things I listed was taken from the Nice Guy Book... Funny what you say here...attracted to people that need "fixing" ....this is what is says in the book (page 9)....


> It is not unusual for Nice Guys to form relationships with partners whom they believe to be "projects" or "diamonds in the rough". When these projects don't polish up as expected , Nice Guys tend to blame their partner for standing in the way of their happiness.


 When I met my husband at 15, I had some chips on my shoulders - due to my undesirable family situation... I was a "Damsel in Distress" and yeah, I think he saw an opportunity to be a "Knight" .....swooping in to save me...He had the patience to deal with me anyway. He would say I am exaggerating here, that I was never that bad. I don't know. I at least had an "attitude" sometimes. He saw something good in me. 

Yeah, your personality type can handle these things better than some of us more WIRED people... ...Mother Teresa was a ISFJ.... (I recall you was a split between Thinking & Feeling- I believe)



> ISFJs are industrious caretakers, loyal to traditions & organizations. They are practical, compassionate, & caring, and are motivated to provide for others and protect them from the perils of life.
> 
> ISFJs are industrious caretakers, loyal to traditions and organizations. They are practical, compassionate, and and caring, and are motivated to provide for others and protect them from the perils of life. The ISFJ in Life, Work, and Love


 Sounds you fit your job title perfectly Stonewall ! :smthumbup:


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Those things I listed was taken from the Nice Guy Book... Funny what you say here...attracted to people that need "fixing" ....this is what is says in the book (page 9)....
> 
> When I met my husband at 15, I had some chips on my shoulders - due to my undesirable family situation... I was a "Damsel in Distress" and yeah, I think he saw an opportunity to be a "Knight" .....swooping in to save me...He had the patience to deal with me anyway. He would say I am exaggerating here, that I was never that bad. I don't know. I at least had an "attitude" sometimes. He saw something good in me.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_

spooky sometimes! Thats almost an exact description of me meeting my wife. Her age, situation and all. I think John Lennon said it best when he said "strange days indeed....most pecular mama"


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I enjoy your writing, always insightful... (except in the social section, that doesn't count - but others seem to LOVE you over there!)....
> 
> ANd I know you aren't no Mr. Rogers, or you'd be too proper to engage in that crazy dysfunctional social section here....so you got the "humor bug".
> 
> I am sure you have some "edge" in places you may not suspect - that someone will recognize...if you put yourself out there more so.


SA, you calling us a bunch of 'social misfits'? :scratchhead:  :iagree: :rofl:

Lon, I totally agree with SA. I think you have plenty of "edge", you just seem to be keeping it to yourself. You need to get out there more, out of your comfort zone, live life more. I like what you said about your negative thoughts; you need to turn them around into positive thoughts. Google 'positive affirmations' and read them daily. I love reading them. They always heighten my mood and give me a sunny outlook on life.....and love.....and family.


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I remember in 1st grade, one kept whipping his weiner out in class, I was the girl who laughed the loudest, probably why he kept doing it -I was his biggest encourager. I did grow up though, and realize...darn, I hope my sons don't do that!


Hey SA! Good links, those young men are going to go far in life and be very successful!!! Impressive talents! 

So yooooour the one that always got me in trouble growing up..... I dont think I ever pulled out my weiner though.. Hmmm, maybe Ill save that one for a special occasion like a wedding or grocery shopping (just have to make sure its not in the frozen food section) 

Seriously though, I liked the "nice guy" points and I fit a lot of them. I think whats kept me out of trouble is not allowing anyone to take advantage of me, refusing to be someones doormat, and who I choose to be nice to. I plan on reading that one for sure.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

I have no edges that I know of. I'm perfectly well rounded.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*

My ability to look like I'm paying attention.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Men.....what is your "EDGE" - can you explain it ...and have you grown in it ??*



Runs like Dog said:


> My ability to look like I'm paying attention.


I get that going sometimes too, I always interview well (or so they tell me afterwards)... also people tend to think I'm way more intelligent then I am - in high school my shop friends all thought I was einstein cause I got B- in sciences, my science friends all thought I was talented musician because I took every single band and choir class available and my band friends all thought I was bad ass because I could talk about cars with the shop guys. Jack of all trades master of none.


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