# When to use an extension?



## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, I'm not at all sure it would cause her to finish at the same time as you because I believe an extension would change your sensations quite a bit even if it brought her to climax, you will probably be left hanging.

It would still probably be fun to use with her if she is game though.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Improve your technique and forget about the extensions.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

If she really got off on the bigger/longer "fake" you, wouldn't that make you feel like crap???

Be careful what you wish for. man.....


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Improve your technique and forget about the extensions.


This is very good advice @Ants, you would do well to follow it.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

For a moment I thought it was an extension cord for a vibrator.
Never mind!


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

tech-novelist said:


> For a moment I thought it was an extension cord for a vibrator.
> Never mind!





tech-novelist said:


> For a moment I thought it was an extension cord for a vibrator.
> Never mind!





ConanHub said:


> Well, I'm not at all sure it would cause her to finish at the same time as you because I believe an extension would change your sensations quite a bit even if it brought her to climax, you will probably be left hanging.
> 
> It would still probably be fun to use with her if she is game though.


Yes, your right. I’m not worried about me finishing, I am trying to concentrate on her pleasure.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> If she really got off on the bigger/longer "fake" you, wouldn't that make you feel like crap???
> 
> Be careful what you wish for. man.....


No, not if I see her going crazy. I get off, getting her off.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Have you ever used any sex toys on her? If you've suggested it, what is her response?

Does SHE seem bothered by "finishing" with you or not...or at all??


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Have you ever used any sex toys on her? If you've suggested it, what is her response?
> 
> Does SHE seem bothered by "finishing" with you or not...or at all??


We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Ants said:


> We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…


We are also trying to reconnect emotionally. We had some rough spots in our marriage. No infidelity. Just a lot of arguing. It seems to me things are getting better though.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…


Do you think she masturbates? Does she have an orgasm when you use a vibrator on her? Has she ever had an orgasm with PIV?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Do you think she masturbates? Does she have an orgasm when you use a vibrator on her? Has she ever had an orgasm with PIV?


Yes, she masturbates but not frequently. She has had an orgasm with a vibrator, orally and PIV just not consistently. At least that’s what she tells me. I have no reason not to believe her, she’s always been honest with me. When she uses the womanizer, that is the best way for her to orgasm. She does not want to use it with me though. Sucks…


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ants said:


> I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm.


You want to knock this off. She isn't a performing monkey. All you are doing is making sex a chore for her.

Take the emphasis off simultaneous orgasms. Stop talking during sex. Simply put, rethink your program.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You want to knock this off. She isn't a performing monkey. All you are doing is making sex a chore for her.
> 
> Take the emphasis off simultaneous orgasms. Stop talking during sex. Simply put, rethink your program.


We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Ants said:


> We have used sex toys-dildos, vibrators but she down plays them and does not request them. I usually ask to include to try and give her more pleasure. I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm. She tells me not to worry about it. I don’t get it. If it bothers her she does not say it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I want her to want it more and m guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her. Ugh…


If she had sex as much as you wanted and however you wanted but she still only had an orgasm 25% of the time would you still be bothered?


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

Ask her to have her hormones checked, including testosterone. A lot of women, my wife included, use a testosterone cream. A lot of gynecologists will check these for you. We use an A4M antiaging doctor and it costs some out of pocket, but it is well worth it. Hormone balance helps, but the testosterone cream significantly increased my wife's desire for sex and ability to orgasm. Women naturally have some testosterone, but many women don't have quite enough for sex drive


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


That was actually very good and helpful advice for you, if you would consider it just for a few seconds.
No one is giving you crap, relax.

What @Blondilocks was saying to you makes sense, because if you are hyper-focused on her orgasm and making it simultaneous, then she is going to feel pressured and that will make sex unpleasant for her. I have a high drive and I'm very open to new things, but being with a man who has your attitude would make me nervous...that's all she meant.

If she doesn't want to talk about sex at all, it's hard to imagine that she would be happy to see you put on a penis extension without any discussion beforehand. How do you think she will respond to that - will she be open to it or will she be upset?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.





Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


Plus-I don’t think she feels pressured. She is very strong and independent. Not in the least


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Couldn’t be bothered to read all the replies, im going to put this to you straight, the time to introduce her to kinks was when the relationship was new and she wanted to please you. That horse has bolted, so she isn’t going to change too much, and any changes she does make will be to please you not her. From this and your other posts it obvious you two just aren’t that compatible in the bedroom. The only fault with either of you is you didn’t put sexual compatibility high enough on your list of needs.

sorry bro, you going to have to live with vanilla ish, or makes some tough choices


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


That's rude. So you didn't like her advice so you label it unhelpful? If you are going to only think advice you like as helpful, why even ask?Just talk to yourself and tell yourself what you want to hear, no need to ask another person.

I totally agree with and second what Blondilocks advised.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ants said:


> I have no reason not to believe her, she’s always been honest with me


You say that your wife has always been honest with you and that you have no reason to not believe her. But then you go on to say:



Ants said:


> I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but *she always says no*





Ants said:


> *She tells me not to worry about it.*


So do you believe her or not?



Ants said:


> I want her to want it more and I'm guessing she doesent because she’s not getting off. Sex just does not seem important to her.


Doesn't sound like you believe her?



Ants said:


> *I have told her many times it bothers me that she does not have an orgasm*


Here's a question, how would you feel if your wife starts pretending to have orgasms with you to make you happy? Would that satisfy you?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> That was actually very good and helpful advice for you, if you would consider it just for a few seconds.
> No one is giving you crap, relax.
> 
> What @Blondilocks was saying to you makes sense, because if you are hyper-focused on her orgasm and making it simultaneous, then she is going to feel pressured and that will make sex unpleasant for her. I have a high drive and I'm very open to new things, but being with a man who has your attitude would make me nervous...that's all she meant.
> ...


I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


Well, carry on then.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Livvie said:


> That's rude. So you didn't like her advice so you label it unhelpful? If you are going to only think advice you like as helpful, why even ask?Just talk to yourself and tell yourself what you want to hear, no need to ask another person.
> 
> I totally agree with and second what Blondilocks advised.


It’s how it was stated…


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Lila said:


> You say that your wife has always been honest with you and that you have no reason to not believe her. But then you go on to say:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No, I’m glad she is honest.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ants said:


> I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.


If you truly do perceive what that poster wrote was in any way a slur, then you have an incredibly delicate and reactive personality along with mis-comprehension.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ants said:


> It’s how it was stated…


I said she *isn't *a performing monkey. But, whatever.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.


Well, you are taking an online comment much too personally if it had that effect on you, you need to be able to take criticism if you want any REAL help. Some people are blunt to try and help random posters understand a concept.



Ants said:


> No, I’m glad she is honest.


You didn't respond to the rest of what she said and asked you.

I want to point out to you that there are many men who come on here with wives who orgasm all the time, but still don't want sex with them. Having orgasms is probably not the key to your sexual mismatch.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ants said:


> Plus-I don’t think she feels pressured. She is very strong and independent. Not in the least


I'm very strong and independent. The thought of a man being hyper focused on my orgasms (how and when I have them) would make me anxious which would make it almost impossible to orgasm which would make me even more anxious which would make me want to avoid sex with him. 

Relax on the whole orgasm thing. Keep the lines of communication open so that she knows you are open to her suggestions for making it better but lay off pushing for orgasms.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I said she *isn't *a performing monkey. But, whatever.


Ok-I’m listening with an open heart to learn if u wish to impart any more advice.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ants said:


> Ok-I’m listening with an open heart to learn if u wish to impart any more advice.


Nope.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Lila said:


> I'm very strong and independent. The thought of a man being hyper focused on my orgasms (how and when I have them) would make me anxious which would make it almost impossible to orgasm which would make me even more anxious which would make me want to avoid sex with him.
> 
> Relax on the whole orgasm thing. Keep the lines of communication open so that she knows you are open to her suggestions for making it better but lay off pushing for orgasms.


Ok-thank u


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> *My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her.* I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


This will only work if depth is what is needed for her to orgasm...it might not be that at all. Many times, women say longer penises HURT (not that men listen to them).


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> This will only work if depth is what is needed for her to orgasm...it might not be that at all. Many times, women say longer penises HURT (not that men listen to them).


Totally agree with Lisa! If you were going to add anything, maybe something that makes you thicker, not longer. But I'm not sure that even sounds like a good idea from what I've read. It doesn't sound like she's open.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> This will only work if depth is what is needed for her to orgasm...it might not be that at all. Many times, women say longer penises HURT (not that men listen to them).


Ok-it’s all told 6.5” total length. Not crazy. Will also be girthier, 1.75”. I know width is important from reading.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> This will only work if depth is what is needed for her to orgasm...it might not be that at all. Many times, women say longer penises HURT (not that men listen to them).


From reading, trying to stimulate Anterior Fornix (sp?) area…


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> Ok-it’s all told 6.5” total length. Not crazy. Will also be girthier, 1.75”. I know width is important from reading.


Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but the ONLY way you can have any answers to your questions is to ASK HER, the woman you want to use it with.

I personally would NOT like a longer penis inside me, I openly talk about sex with my partner, and I welcome new sexual things and have a high drive. So I am not the right woman to advise you about your wife, because she is a separate person and like all other women, VERY different than ME.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Ants said:


> From reading, trying to stimulate Anterior Fornix (sp?) area…


Have u ladies stimulated the A spot? Does it feel good? Thanks


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ants said:


> From reading, trying to stimulate Anterior Fornix (sp?) area…


Is that the spot that builds her pleasure before it goes away?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but the ONLY way you can have any answers to your questions is to ASK HER, the woman you want to use it with.
> 
> I personally would NOT like a longer penis inside me, I openly talk about sex with my partner, and I welcome new sexual things and have a high drive. So I am not the right woman to advise you about your wife, because she is a separate person and like all other women, VERY different than ME.


Ok-thanks for the advice


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Is that the spot that builds her pleasure before it goes away?


I don’t think we’ve found it yet. Only G spot.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Ants said:


> I don’t think we’ve found it yet. Only G spot.


Has anyone else found the A spot? Any advice for doing so?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

…


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> I have plenty experience with the question you ask. The issue is that you are trying to use it as a specific purpose tool to reach a solution. In my opinion this is very much the wrong idea. If you and your wife would enjoy trying such a thing you need to treat it as “something fun to try together” and absolutely nothing more. Having expectations of your wife when she experiences this ..... is a bad idea. On another note you should wait until your wife is ovulating the first time you try it. Another thing you should put out of your mind is depth ... I promise you she doesn’t want her cervix beat to death. Watching your wife swallow up one of these things can be exciting but you really should limit your expectations.
> 
> With that said I’m going to leave this right here:
> 
> ...


Thanks. I’ll work on lower expectations and trying to have fun. Why during ovulation? I have one from love honey. Extra 1.5 to start slowly…


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

…


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ants said:


> We don’t talk about it during sex. That was harsh. Just trying to better our sex life. What else can I do? She doesn’t want to talk about it. So I ask for help here and get crap instead…can any other woman please respond? Looking for advice from someone helpful.


Look it might be harsh but you asked for women. Mostly you've got men answering.

My take it that's a lot of pressure to simultaneously orgasm with you. Frankly PIV sex doesn't do it for the majority of women. So helping her before or after is a better timing. I want orgasms but it took years for me to accept that this exact same time stuff was mostly in books and movies. I though something was wrong with me.

So mechanically, 'switching' during a build is almost a gaurantee she stops building at least for me. I need the right spot hit in the right way about 100 to 200 times. If you stop and then change the sensation well I have to start over. Or a ways back from where I was. Two nothing feels the same as a real penis. So an extender isn't necessarily gonna be the holy grail you think. But if you are going to use it. Start and finish with it.

Second try a vibrator during sex. I like the WeVibe but some prefer just a bullet. I don't like anything I have to think about and control. If my mind is worried about doing stuff during sex then I"m not orgasming. I need to lose thought and enjoy. Not be worried about moving or positioning the toy. Not am I going to orgasm when he does. Not if I don't orgasm is he going to be disappointed.

While making sure she gets her frequently is a good goal. THe point is don't make that some out sized focus or it just puts pressure on her to be a porn start and make us self concious.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Ants said:


> Thanks. I’ll work on lower expectations and trying to have fun. Why during ovulation? I have one from love honey. Extra 1.5 to start slowly…


So you already have an extender even though just 4 hours ago you asked if it would be a good idea. Seems like you already had your mind made up. 

I feel like you are focusing on your wife's pleasure more for your benefit than for her benefit. That won't end well. You will be much better off being in the moment and enjoying it as much as possible while she does the same. I learned a long time ago that focusing too much on my wife's orgasm was counter productive. Sure I want to please her and of course she loves to orgasm, but focusing on it too much only seemed to make thing worse. The best sex seems to be when we just enjoy the moment and not think too much. 

I don't think the extender is going to help you. Your wife does have orgasms, so why not focus on what has worked for her and do more of that or variations of that? I think you will have a much greater chance of success with that approach rather than randomly taking a shot with something new. You are just stabbing in the dark (sorry, had to go for the pun). As for the A-spot, in general you need at least 8" to hit it effectively in most cases. Then there is no guarantee your wife will respond better to stimulating that area vs her G-spot or clitoris. I guess if your wife is game, you can give it a shot, but don't expect it to work any miracles.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

If she has an orgasm using the womanizer it tells me a longer penis won't do anything for her.

Better focus on clitoral stimulation. 

You might want to swing a longer penis from the chandelier, but it sounds like she's not interested in that. And that's ok, we are all different. Focus on what she likes.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

I'd have to agree with those saying - too much focus on her orgasm, from experience.

One of my past gf 'A' never, not once, had an orgasm. Yet she was always up for fun, always aroused, very bright eyed and satisfied with our sex life, always talked sex and flirted with me, and was very sad when we broke up.

Another of my past gf 'M' always, 100% had an orgasm with me - piv only nonetheless, never wanted fingers, oral, or toys. 

Guess who was unsatisfied, and told me so?

During my efforts to take our sex life up another notch last year, I spent some time focused on my wife's O's; reading, talking, doing. After a week she told me in no uncertain terms - "lay off! "

Basically, she told me what I already knew from past experience - getting her to enjoy herself more was a worthy and appreciated goal (required exploration and effort on my part) but not pushing for orgasm. It's about the quality of the ride vs the destination for her. I suspect she's not alone in feeling that way.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Quad73 said:


> I'd have to agree with those saying - too much focus on her orgasm, from experience.
> 
> One of my past gf 'A' never, not once, had an orgasm. Yet she was always up for fun, always aroused, very bright eyed and satisfied with our sex life, always talked sex and flirted with me, and was very sad when we broke up.
> 
> ...


All good advice. thank u.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

what works a lot better is figuring out


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> I want to point out to you that there are many men who come on here with wives who orgasm all the time, but still don't want sex with them. Having orgasms is probably not the key to your sexual mismatch.


100% true. Many men don't realize this until they get older though and some never do.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

in addition to your penis in her, are you doing anything else in parallel?

Nipple clamps? Anal vibrators? Bondage, such as handcuffs, leg spreaders, ropes tying her to the bed?

She probabably just needs more and more intense stimulation....building to a crescendo.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

My advise is to have her finish first. Don't try to time things. That just seems like a recipe for frustration.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ants said:


> Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


Hell, I thought this was about extension ladders. I was getting revved up. Damn


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

For what it's worth, I've never had women friends of mine tell me they wanted a longer one. Some of them wanted more girth. A longer one can actually prevent critical clitoral contact.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I am high drive and a strong willed woman too, but if my husband were hyper focussed on my O, I would feel incredibly pressured, thus highly likely resulting in no O, or worse - my faking one. 

Most women can't O from PIV, I can but only after I've already had one.

Take the pressure off, enjoy your wife and remember that there are times when no matter what you do, she just won't be able to get there - she could be tired, stressed, also depends where she is on her cycle.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

From a reverse perspective- my wife loves when we o at the same time and will often times stop herself from orgasm until I'm ready. What she doesn't realize is a) how hot I think it is when she goes first and fast, and b) how difficult it actually is to orgasm at the same time without having it become manufactured. Just do it and focus on your approach, the while extension idea is only trying to force the issue.


Or is this really a penis size thread in disguise??....


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife hates if I take too long after her. She deliberately delays hers now fairly often. Having spent most of my life trying to hold out it’s weird to have the opposite problem now of trying to finish faster.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ants said:


> I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.


Hey what have you got against trained monkeys? 😉

My W says that's one of the things she adores about me, I'm dependable, well versed in providing a good time ( edited from what she actually says) and well trained, she knows if she lifts her skirt sans panties and walks to the bedroom I'll be right behind her, satisfaction guaranteed. 

So don't knock training and experience 🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ants said:


> .....My *wife is very vanilla *where I always want to be kinky in bed. She *hates to talk about sex* that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it.
> 
> .......I so badly want us to *finish together* or at least have her finish. *I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no.* We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. *Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time*. *I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying* what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested *the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested.* What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


You post is quite revealing. First, mutual simultaneous orgasms through penatration are not really that common. If she wants to orgasm more frequently, make sure she comes first. 

Now the serious parts. She said she didn't want artificial bigger things inside her. Listen to her and what she wants. Also it is clear that this is something "you want" much more than she wants. Again, listen to her and don't try to make her do things you want or try to force her to change.

Good luck. Sex should be fun, playful and exploratory. It should not involve forcing your partner to do things they don't want to do, nor should it set up performance anxiety for either.


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## Changecage (Jan 14, 2020)

Ants said:


> Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


 I think it would break the moment, extensions are hard to get on.


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## Changecage (Jan 14, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Good luck. Sex should be fun, playful and exploratory


This is true, but it is also part of a relationship and both parties need to work at making it great. both the man and the women need to listen to eachother.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Changecage said:


> This is true, but it is also part of a relationship and both parties need to work at making it great. both the man and the women need to listen to each other.


David Schnarch in his book Sex and Intimacy, once said the only sex married couples get is composed of "left overs." He explained that the two people need to negotiate on the types and frequency of sex that they have. As such, in the negotiations some things that one person wants will not be acceptable to the other. That means they get the "left overs" from the list, and that list gets even smaller as the other partner's list is merged. In the end, the sex they have are those items that neither object to.

That is why sex should be playful, exploratory and fun. Those are the things that both will enjoy doing and look forward to doing to emotionally bond with each other.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> David Schnarch in his book Sex and Intimacy, once said the only sex married couples get is composed of "left overs." He explained that the two people need to negotiate on the types and frequency of sex that they have. As such, in the negotiations some things that one person wants will not be acceptable to the other. That means they get the "left overs" from the list, and that list gets even smaller as the other partner's list is merged. In the end, the sex they have are those items that neither object to.
> 
> That is why sex should be playful, exploratory and fun. Those are the things that both will enjoy doing and look forward to doing to emotionally bond with each other.


and since a lot of people do not know ahead of time if a particular sex act will be enjoyable to them or not, that sets up a real travesty.

a better thing would be to try everything your partner asks at least twice. one time to get over the shock of it, and the 2nd time to see if you like it or not. THEN you can decide on an educated basis if you want to keep doing that one sex act or not.

Another equally perplexing problem...your partner may desperately want to try a particular sex act, but are way to shy and bashful to speak about it! that is where one partner tries stuff, without necessarily discussing it first, and see if the other partner cums from it.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Re the last 3 posts, my W and I set aside one day a week just for exploring.

We've found this scheduled exploration has lots of advantages, e.g:


* The anticipation of "the day" is already great foreplay

* The "what will he come up with??" aspect is Erotic in itself for her

* Any shyness about odd interests etc is squashed for that day

* Emotional responses to being confronted with something unexpected are replaced with an understanding that new things will naturally be brought to the bedroom that day, so rejection of anything the other doesn't care for becomes fun and painless.

* Anything we like, we incorporate into our "regular" sex menu, so things stays fresh and exciting.

* Ideas brought quickly lead to variations on it more suited to us. A bit like trying a new recipe and saying "this would be great without the cumin and pineapple! (don't ask), let's do it again soon."

* It's a shortcut to safe conversation about what we want/like/fantasize.

* It frees us up to have just plain old regular meat and potatoes sex the rest of the week if we wish, with no worries that our sex life is getting boring.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Short answer to the original question: never.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Men do not know what to believe, with respect to a ladies response.

How can they?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Men do not know what to believe, with respect to a ladies response.
> 
> How can they?


I haven't seen one woman reply that she thinks an "extension" is a good idea, or something she personally would want. Have you?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> I haven't seen one woman reply that she thinks an "extension" is a good idea, or something she personally would want. Have you?


No, and I would never dare ask.

My generation is mostly polite, few are that crazy!

That said, we are what we are, why buck nature?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Livvie said:


> I haven't seen one woman reply that she thinks an "extension" is a good idea, or something she personally would want. Have you?


and you can say the same of using restraints.
and spanking. and other sex toys. and role play. and wearing lingerie. and anal sex (both ways). and nipple clamps. and on and on.

a person often does NOT know what they would like until they try it a few times to find if is makes them orgasm explosively. Try it, and if it works, keep doing it. if it does not work, never try it again.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> a person often does NOT know what they would like until they try it a few times to find if is makes them orgasm explosively. Try it, and if it works, keep doing it. if it does not work, never try it again.


Indeed, so If @Ants appendage isn't up to the task as a consequence of being inadequately sized. Then perhaps his wife ought to try a real larger penis, as found attached to another man. And if it works for her she can keep doing it, or never try it again.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I haven't seen one woman reply that she thinks an "extension" is a good idea, or something she personally would want. Have you?


Maybe hair extensions are a good idea. 

A **** extension? To hit the belly button from the inside? And that's pleasurable? 

I just don't get it.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> a person often does NOT know what they would like until they try it a few times to find if is makes them orgasm explosively. Try it, and if it works, keep doing it. if it does not work, never try it again


Do you know of anybody who has used an extension and has caused an explosive orgasm? 

I don't like things hitting my cervix. I don't think any woman would like that!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> No, and I would never dare ask.
> 
> *My generation is mostly polite, few are that crazy!*
> 
> That said, we are what we are, why buck nature?





Talker67 said:


> *and you can say the same of using restraints.*
> and spanking. and other sex toys. and role play. and wearing lingerie. and anal sex (both ways). and nipple clamps. and on and on.
> 
> a person often does NOT know what they would like until they try it a few times to find if is makes them orgasm explosively. Try it, and if it works, keep doing it. if it does not work, never try it again.


I think that there is an elephant in the room that has not been discussed (pun intended). I think that a penis extender is much different from other things like restraints and other sex toys.

Most women know by a certain age that men are generally quite sensitive about comments on the size of their penis. I remember way back in my youth the first girl I go naked with said on seeing my erect penis, that it was so large she didn't think it would ever fit. Talk about falling quickly in love! She had my heart at that moment. Well, she actually had my heart before we got naked, what she said added to her "star" quality.

A woman telling a guy that she wants something much bigger and that she really wants her guy to wear a penis extender-sheath because it would be so much better, sounds like potential relationship suicide to me.

I do think some women were raised in an era of being mostly polite and smart (aka not crazy).


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> I think that there is an elephant in the room that has not been discussed (pun intended). I think that a penis extender is much different from other things like restraints and other sex toys.
> 
> Most women know by a certain age that men are generally quite sensitive about comments on the size of their penis. I remember way back in my youth the first girl I go naked with said on seeing my erect penis, that it was so large she didn't think it would ever fit. Talk about falling quickly in love! She had my heart at that moment. Well, she actually had my heart before we got naked, what she said added to her "star" quality.
> 
> ...


i was actually assuming the "extenson" was a rigid tube to make up for a less than hard penis....

more length and girth is just a bonus, so to speak


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> i was actually assuming the "extenson" was a rigid tube to make up for a less than hard penis....
> 
> more length and girth is just a bonus, so to speak


It can also be used in role playing, tease and denial, etc. I prevents certain feelings on the part of the wearer who may or may not have an erection.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

…


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

I have a friend (who has a lot more experience than I do) who told me about the Goldilocks rule when it comes to penises: you don't want one that's too small, but you also don't want one that's too big. You want one that's just right.

I am toy friendly but a penis extender sounds.....NOT fun.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ants said:


> I understood what she was trying to say. I agree it could be a possibility but I don’t think it is. I’ll take the advice. It’s when somebody says your wife, whom u love is a trained monkey-that is where she went over the line. Due to the slur, the message is lost.


And yet it was the truth you didn't want to hear.


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## Rivercat (Dec 4, 2019)

Buy the book “she comes first”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> I'd have to agree with those saying - too much focus on her orgasm, from experience.
> 
> One of my past gf 'A' never, not once, had an orgasm. Yet she was always up for fun, always aroused, very bright eyed and satisfied with our sex life, always talked sex and flirted with me, and was very sad when we broke up.
> 
> ...


Came here to say this!

Ex wife - no orgasms from me, ever (from oral or piv). Nearly a decade and a half. Only way I could get her off was fingers and gspot stimulation, and that's a different kind of orgasm. Yet she still had a pretty healthy sex drive and wanted it regularly. Took a couple of years for her to discover vibrators (we were young when we started dating) and she was able to orgasm from that. She had a hyper sensitive clit. As in direct stimulation was painful, so would cover it up with a towel and use her vibrator over it. Only way she could properly orgasm. I never took it personally. Took another year or so before she was comfortable enough to bring the vibrator in the bedroom with me. So we'd have some great sex, and she'd finish herself off afterwards. A few times a week, for the most part.

Current wife - multiple orgasms every way imaginable, pretty much literally. If it's an erogenous zone, it'll get her there. Will have 2-5 per session a variety of different ways. We have sex maybe once a month (in a 2 month drought right now, lol).

Ability to orgasm does not always = high sex drive or interest. A person's drive is a person's drive. I might have more sex with my wife if I were a 6'5 lumberjack and ripped, but probably not much more than I think I would, if at all. My ex wife and I had plenty of sex for 12 of the 14 years we were together, and I'm the same person I am now.

And same thing as you - tried to talk to my wife about our general lack of sex (or her interest in it) and tried to wrap my head around why someone who can have an orgasm in 30 seconds and 2 or 3 within 5 minutes, wouldn't want this more often. I mean, it's 5 minutes (or less!) out of your day, and would essentially make mine. But here we are!


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ants said:


> Good morning, I’ve put some tough questions out to the talk about marriage group in the past and you guys have always been very insightful and helped me. I think I have another idea to help my sex life with my wife but I wanted some other lady’s thoughts and experiences before I try it. My wife is very vanilla where I always want to be kinky in bed. She hates to talk about sex that’s why I love this forum to throw ideas out and get feedback before I actually attempt it. So the issue I’m going to throw out is it when my wife and I have sex, it usually builds for her for the first couple minutes and then instead of going to crescendo she tapers off and I finish. This sucks! I so badly want us to finish together or at least have her finish. I’ve offered many times to finish her off after intercourse but she always says no. We do engage in foreplay including me giving her oral sex, massaging her G spot and clit and sometimes a vibrator -Not all the time but when she allows. Like I said she’s not kinky. Now we have finished together maybe 25% of the time. I want her to enjoy it more than that. I get off on her enjoying what we do together. We do missionary position 95% of the time because that’s what she wants and that’s what she says feels good to her. My thought is once things start to flatline for her, to put on a penis extender? I’m hoping it would ramp up the friction and how deep it penetrates her. I’m an average guy. I’ve suggested the use of larger things to my wife in the past and she just doesn’t seem interested. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is something that would work? I would think we should engage in intercourse first to make sure she’s opened up adequately so that the larger size wouldn’t hurt. I just can’t see a downside of this from my perspective. Any information would be helpful!


Is your outside of the bedroom relationship doing well. Does she feel fed outside the bedroom? 
Could you improve there? 
Many women's responses is often connection to how she views the relationship outside the bedroom.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I'm late to the party on this one, but generally speaking the OP will likely make things worse by introducing novelties. 

If the OP's wife has demonstrated a lack of importance for achieving an orgasm (as in she does not care for him to continue after he is finished), odds are that novelties will only serve to make things more complicated for her to feel "connected" with him. 

Imagine things getting heated but then they fizzle out, OK stop and wait a moment while I get something that is going to feel unnatural. Odds are he will fumble a bit with the novelty and it may take a minute or two to get things ready. Alright now back to the action only to find that the oven is now ice cold and irritable at the idea that she now has to try and enjoy this even more or else the OP will get frustrated and a passive aggressive tantrum will follow for a few days about it. 

In order for a novelty to work in a situation where a spouse has arousal difficulties, the use has to be seamless and nonintrusive once initial arousal has started. You do not want to do anything that stops, restarts, and alters stimulation or else it is worse from starting completely over. 

The best bet for the OP is to have a very small and powerful vibrator hidden under the pillow that can be used for couples play without stoping and restarting PIV. Simply reach under a pillow and turn it on before she notices. Then gently place it between the two of you in just the right spot (works great for missionary position) and continue as if nothing changed. 

If you have ever seen one of those rabbit vibrators, this is the ideal format of stimulation to try and achieve. PIV as it occurs completely natural as the only thing inserted and then a vibrator to supplement external stimulation for her where a rabbit vibrator would apply that stimulation. In missionary position things can be held in place with a close embrace.... and BOOM she will have not one, not two, but lose count of her orgasm. You should be able to finish simultaneously that way as well. Will be like trying to hit a home run with baseballs being thrown at you and you get a few tries to hit one out of the park. 

Back to extensions. If the OP wants to do that for himself, then that is a different story. He needs to talk to his spouse and make sure she understands why he will enjoy that and how to help him if she is OK with it. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Yousei (Nov 24, 2021)

I hope this issue has gotten better for you, but in case it hasn't, let me give you some insight I have as a woman that has trouble climaxing with a partner.

1. From what I read you are showing an interest in making your relationship better. If she is invested in the relationship too, this is a turn on already.

2. As a couple others said, she likely very well is OK with not climaxing every time. It's still fun. Believe it or not, my fiance is this way. He does not finish every time.

3. As yet another person pointed out, women rarely climax with piv. The best and most frequent orgasms come from the clitoris for a large portion of women. _Try adjusting your angle to rub your groin against it. But watch the pressure and chaffing._

4. Me, personally I like any toys before intercourse. Even if I don't climax, I don't feel like using them because I'm sated enough from my partner and knowing my partner finished is kind of like play time is over in my mind, even if he's willing to still work on mine. Perhaps your wife is of similar mind.

5. If she is very vanilla, whipping out numerous toys or a bunch of different activities may be a bit overwhelming for her. If she has favorites, stick to only those. Though personally, I'd stake a bet on trying ways to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. That is what I would think the best bet is for this situation.

Good luck!


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Use a wand vibrator on her clit while you have missionary sex with her. She'll cum 100% of the time.

As my wife says, if she doesn't get to cum too what's the point of having sex.


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## Bcause (5 mo ago)

I opened this thread because I don’t know what an extension is. After understanding, my initial thought is the old saying that it isn’t the size that matters. Have you brought her there and didn’t worry about you getting there? Try making it all about her, and when she’s there take care of yourself in front of her. I didn’t read all the threads so if you have tried this perhaps it’s just timing. Is she relaxed, refreshed, and feeling loved and sexy? A lot to put on a man I know but does make a difference


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Zombie thread?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Zombie thread?


It was, probably a good thing too. If we all leave it alone, maybe it’ll die again.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DudeInProgress said:


> It was, probably a good thing too. If we all leave it alone, maybe it’ll die again.


One could say the lifetime of the thread was given an extension.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> One could say the lifetime of the thread was given an extension.


Or...it just stuck around "too long".


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## Bcause (5 mo ago)

Bcause said:


> I opened this thread because I don’t know what an extension is. After understanding, my initial thought is the old saying that it isn’t the size that matters. Have you brought her there and didn’t worry about you getting there? Try making it all about her, and when she’s there take care of yourself in front of her. I didn’t read all the threads so if you have tried this perhaps it’s just timing. Is she relaxed, refreshed, and feeling loved and sexy? A lot to put on a man I know but does make a difference





FloridaGuy1 said:


> Or...it just stuck around "too long".


you guys are funny! I don’t know why that old post came up under suggested reading, I sure didn’t search for it. Lol


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Ants said:


> Yes, your right. I’m not worried about me finishing, I am trying to concentrate on her pleasure.


Ok, so there is a technique you can use in missionary that, if you do it right will certainly help for sure and help your staying power. Not sure if can be adequately described here but will try. I figured this out on my own years ago and I think read an article couple months back that gives it a name.....so. when you start piv, only use the end of tip of the boy. No more. Slow rhythm do this while kinda riding high up, grinding into her little man in the boat better. once you notice her starting to respond, then give maybe a couple or so full slow thrusts, then go back to the "tipping". Promise if you do this she will respond and get much pleasure from it. Just be patient and resist the urge to go full tilt. Just note her excitement and I figure you will see when she's really ready for the full monte. Try it!


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## maskeddreamer01 (4 mo ago)

Comments in here are fantastic. It is amazing how many husbands want to ensure their wives/better halves get off and/or get off first which truly shows their caring/considerate nature. Your wife may enjoy the vanilla lifestyle and maybe always has. Similar to the others who comments tho, if she has always been this way, then try and get 2 scoops of vanilla vs 1, otherwise you are looking for frustration. Just remember, ppl change, hopefully they evole together but this isn't always the case unfortunately.


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