# Another forum made be angry and depressed



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

i don't know why I did it. I don't know why I sleazed over there - I guess I was just curious. But I visited an awful shack filled with cheating POS spouses who share their feelings about their affairs and reassure one another that they aren't bad, and aren't in the wrong.

Honestly. I really wish the world would explain to them, that they are wrong. No ambiguity at all. Just simply Wrong.

But it depressed me, to read the words of awful selfish people like that. I of course know they are out there, but they are too cowardly to show their true face to the world since they know what they are doing isn't right or defensible.

It also makes me sad that there is a community providing support to what they are doing. That too is messed up and wrong. Like a support group for people who like to abuse animals that actually pats them on the back for it. It's not something people should get support for doing.

I don't expect this thread to really go anywhere, I just wanted to get my disgust and depression off my chest somewhere.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, thankfully you aren't one of those people.

I can't read stuff like that either. It's just vile and nasty.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Gross. Those people don't come here, cuz they know you, me and TG would run them outta town.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

It is sad that such websites exist. The dark side of the Internet. Pedophiles can exchange pictures, credit card scammers easily find victims, haters of all stripes can share their venom.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I and a couple of others track some of the sites to learn how to counter these folk. It takes some control not to get upset by what some write. 


There is an active wayward on one site who was herself once a victim of her husbands affair. The suspicion is in the past she was registered either here on TAM or the MB site. She now advises those on the affair site how to avoid being caught. 

It is of interest that she fears exposure and the consequences of a D day. One day.......


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> It also makes me sad that there is a community providing support to what they are doing. That too is messed up and wrong. Like a support group for people who like to abuse animals that actually pats them on the back for it.


So true


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I visit them too, and try to figure it out....study if you will, but at the end of it all its pretty much toxic.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

If they are sure that what they are doing is not wrong then why cant they do it in the light? why they want to do it behind the husband or wife? because they know what they are doing is wrong and insane, but cowards and retarded to face the consequences.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Thank god, I dont go anywhere else these days.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Never been on one of these "cheater support" websites. Glad I have been forwarned about them. 

I wish I could say I am shocked they have their own little place to hide their wickedness and support each other but I am not and I am not sure why I am not shocked. Guess the net has something for everyone even thoes that make me feel ill.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The sad thing to me is that while there have always been people like this, that this becomes a place to recruit people into this life. The existence of these sites indicates some normalcy to this. Acceptance. Legitimacy when there should be none.

Messed up.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The sad thing to me is that while there have always been people like this, that this becomes a place to recruit people into this life. The existence of these sites indicates some normalcy to this. Acceptance. Legitimacy when there should be none.
> 
> Messed up.


Acceptance is what everyone looks for reguardless of gender, age, income, and so on. It makes sence that they would have a little nest to make them selves feel ok with what they are doing and validate their behavior through the acceptance of others of their shared behaviors.........kind of heart breaking they are truley fooling themselves.


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I had a few laughs there, like when they mentioned "VARs and keyloggers and other *dirty tricks* the spouses do".


----------



## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

*80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.

*Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce. 

*The divorce rate and ratio of infidelity are much higher among marriage partners in an affair. 

*The average affair lasts two to four years. 

*If an affair becomes public it is doomed. 

*If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but is twice as likely to fracture. 

*An affair prevents binding ties from being formed. Eventually it has nowhere to go. Sooner or later it will suffocate in secrecy. 

*Affairs die for the same reason as marriage, lack of intimacy. 


Read More 14 Surprising Facts about Marriage, Affairs & Divorce - iVillage 
Sign up for iVillage Special Offers

I got that from this site, Although you all have made it clear that the statistics is 100% accurate for reasons.

But I wanted to post it, because I to before I found this site stumbled onto the sites like you are describing, and the sad truth is the AP really thinks that they will end up in a marriage with their cheater.. Sad how the other cheaters incourage them, acting as if there was a chance, but how the BS is the cause of them not being together or how they are not at fault for the falling "IN LOVE" with a married man/women. They really beleive they are not at fault, that it was meant to be but the BS is the one is destroying it.... I think the AP is in a FOG to..

But it does seem like the BS takes the blame 'at first' from both the WS and the AP.. Like we are the one who is standing in the way of there "true Love" pffftttt I dont think so. It is a Fantasy.. A LIE.

When I first wondered onto them sites by accident looking for help, it caused me so much agony, I hadnt found this site yet.. I was lost, scared, angry and ashamed..And it was like this site was holding us BS at fault.. Thank god I found this site.. 

I wonder how many other BS in the world are doing the same, having all those feeling and emotions then reading the site like that and thinking wow it is me, I am standing in the way, all the questions, feeling, emotions, and being totally lost and confussed it getting even more hurt and confused by these sites. Its ashame, it really is!!!

The Ap are supporting eachother, and blaming the BS..And the shock I felt went I wondered in, and the horror at the post.. I was already in a very delicate mental state, so it wasnt hard for those words from the AP to seem true.. Sad... If they only had a clue what or how the BS really feels or had to deal with then they would be ashamed, well some, they really have no clue, they think they are hurt, 



It boils my blood to see of hear remarks like that, like we BS are standing in there way of true love everlasting.... and the sad part is they are getting supported by other Ap who are feeling like them, and are thinking yeah I know how you feel, my boyfreind/girlfreinds, wife/husband is doing the same thing. They are supporting eachother and there is no wrong to it, its all right and unfair and cruel.. it is one pittyful worthless person finding comfort in ones just like them, so they dont have to feel worthless.. It only goes to show you that you flock to your own kind........ a adultress or adultor giving hope to one another. 

The affair partners RARLEY regret having had affairs. Although WHY they regret them is debatable. SO haveing hundreds of people who have been the third part to the triangle. They say to eachother what themselves want to hear and whatever they think will get them out of being the bad one the one that is wrong. It makes a lot more sense to them to be told/supported by others who are also delusional about possesing better personality traits than the wife/husband,thinking that they are better at this or better at that, thus they keep there fantasy going that they are a much better option/person than the wife/husband.

They have people that agree with all there delusions The affair partner may argue that they felt this way because “they brought out the best in him/her and vice versa, while my the spouse brought out the worst.” The infatuation allows the person to immerse themselves in the good qualities while minimizing the eachother personal faults. They help eachother be portrayed as the innocent victim, and the BS the controlling, boring and a raging bi**h!

They are preventing true revelation and to understand that we didn’t intentionally try to hurt each other and become disconnected. It wasn’t because we didn’t love each other enough. We simply allowed the stress to get to us and we stopped working together as a team. I also believe that an affair gives the partners a stress free platform for showcasing their best qualities. Unlike marriage, were there is stress, bills, kids, dirty house, issues.. REAL LIFE... MARRIAGE. Thus, it is all fake, a fantasy as you all stated..in an affair everything was fun and lighthearted..But what the AP fails to realize we are the ones who share our spouse’s faults , we know the real person, we have seen them tired, stressed, cranky, hurt, bored, happy, sad, lost, confused, determined, we have seen them fail, we have seen them successed.. And this is before the affair begin, we have gone thru more and supported eachother thru the ups and downs in every aspect.. This is called LIFE.. we live.. NOT FANTASY LAND..

So all I got to say to those support groups is, keep telling yourself, keep the lie going, keep the schrade going, keep making eachother beleive in the fantasy, keep patting eachother on the back, keep telling yourselfs that it isnt your fault, keeping telling eachother that if it wasnt for the wife/husband than you would have it your way, keep blaming ME or your AP significant Spouse for your sick twisted issues.. Whatever makes you sleep at night.. Because I KNOW the TRUTH.. It is not my nor any other BS fault that you can NOT handle the TRUTH...and with that knowledge I will sleep just fine.. 

PHeww I feel better sorry it was so long..


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

It's nothing new...it's no worse than having a BFF to use as a cover story. People helping other people cheat. A reality, unfortunately.

I have the perfect way to avoid getting caught, BTW.

JUST DON'T CHEAT!


----------



## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

This is certainly a tough topic. At the end of the day, I think the existence of the types of places you mention is a sad inevitability of the human condition. As human beings, we are able to embody and express the full range of the emotional spectrum. Everything from love, dedication, kindness, compassion, understanding, all the way to hate, racism, bigotry, and deceit. Every single day we wake up and open our eyes we have a choice to make. We can choose to embody and express any or all of the emotions I mention. We constantly, by design, compare and contrast, categorize and sort everything we come in contact with on a daily basis. A sad byproduct of doing that is holding ourselves as different/better/smarter/or more virtuous than other people, which in turn, marginalizes them. When a group of people are marginalized/oppressed, they sometimes internalize the very things that were used to marginalize them in the first place. I wish there was a simple answer, a magic button, a way to wake them up and show them what is really happening to them. Unfortunately, there are no magic buttons, so all we are left with is that simple daily choice I mention earlier. Embody and express all the positive emotion you can muster on a daily basis, be charitable, and lead by example. I find it so difficult to not feel pity for them, knowing that they rob themselves of true peace and happiness in favor of cheap thrills and selfish short lived rewards. I find it hard to not shed tears for the damage they leave in their wake, and the good people they hurt while doing it. I find peace in the fact that there are people out there like the members of this community. I know there is hope, and I guess I'm an eternal optimist.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

The other issue here is that many of the other relationship boards don't have the same sensitivity to affairs as this one does.

By that I mean expressing concern at all about "inappropriate" behavior by your spouse to third parties is met with scorn, name calling like insecure and jealous; and just accept it or move on type of advice.

Snooping is seen as a worse "crime" than actually cheating on one's spouse.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> The other issue here is that many of the other relationship boards don't have the same sensitivity to affairs as this one does.
> 
> By that I mean expressing concern at all about "inappropriate" behavior by your spouse to third parties is met with scorn, name calling like insecure and jealous; and just accept it or move on type of advice.
> 
> Snooping is seen as a worse "crime" than actually cheating on one's spouse.


Yeah, a lot of the boards either advocate a passive "if it was meant to be they wouldn't cheat..." OR "get hip, and have an open marriage" OR "how dare you checkup on them! - you violated their privacy!"

Isn't it funny - at work your employer can read any and all emails you send using their PC - but at home these people want complete and total privacy from their spouse!


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> The other issue here is that many of the other relationship boards don't have the same sensitivity to affairs as this one does.
> 
> By that I mean expressing concern at all about "inappropriate" behavior by your spouse to third parties is met with scorn, name calling like insecure and jealous; and just accept it or move on type of advice.
> 
> Snooping is seen as a worse "crime" than actually cheating on one's spouse.


This is generally true. 

I also take with the proverbial grain of salt comments in this area from folks who have never been married. Sure everyone has a right to an opinion but there hopefully is a different mindset from someone who has made the commitment to marry and someone who is still leading a very single lifestyle. Then you get those who are married but still struggling with the whole concept. That maybe just maybe marriage calls for some additional commitment to someone else.

We constantly see folks post here and apologize how wrong they were to read a text from their SO and an AP. How they violated their SOs privacy. This seems to trump the fact that theri spouse has been betraying them in everyway imaginiable.


----------



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Wow, just sad, its like they are trying to get these folks to accept that this is the new "Norm" and its ok...and were the freaks.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> It's nothing new...it's no worse than having a BFF to use as a cover story. People helping other people cheat. A reality, unfortunately.
> 
> I have the perfect way to avoid getting caught, BTW.
> 
> JUST DON'T CHEAT!


 :iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> Wow, just sad, its like they are trying to get these folks to accept that this is the new "Norm" and its ok...and were the freaks.


Yes, recently we had someone who just cheated and they were saying that they were being demonized. They contended that cheating i somehow "normal". I think what they were actually trying to say is that it was not uncommon. Those words have different connotations of course.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> The other issue here is that many of the other relationship boards don't have the same sensitivity to affairs as this one does.
> 
> By that I mean expressing concern at all about "inappropriate" behavior by your spouse to third parties is met with scorn, name calling like insecure and jealous; and just accept it or move on type of advice.
> 
> *Snooping *is seen as a worse "crime" than actually cheating on one's spouse.


And who really snoops unless you feel something's not right, or you see red flags waving all over the place. I must say, that the times I have snooped on the men in my life: I have ALWAYS found something flag-worthy! Always!


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

The other thing that I have seen is that the BS is villified because his/ her "partner picker" wasn't adequate to foresee that their partner would cheat on them.

Now, if there is something that a BS admitted to overlooking during the courtship, maybe there is something there to learn from...... but to villify a BS who after 20 years of marriage is having to deal with a WS, that's crazy........


----------



## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

I didn't even know there were those types of sites...that is crap! I don't know why it aggravates me, but I think of my children growing up in a society that doesn't focus on the marriage and obvious right from wrong!


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> The other thing that I have seen is that the BS is villified because his/ her "partner picker" wasn't adequate to foresee that their partner would cheat on them.
> 
> Now, if there is something that a BS admitted to overlooking during the courtship, maybe there is something there to learn from...... but to villify a BS who after 20 years of marriage is having to deal with a WS, that's crazy........


Believe me. There's nothing in the way of "vilifying" that can be written or said to a betrayed spouse that they haven't said to themselves, once they become aware of the betrayal.


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

As for snooping, my only regret is I didn't do it sooner.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I can only speak for myself here, but what really gets to me:

1. That the cheater expects to have their 'secret' life and after exposure tell us that their behaviour is 'normal' or somewhat accaptable, but I and other LS are 'expected' to behave like nice partners and not cheat.
2. That 'victims' of infidelity need to suck it up and deal with it, while many cheaters(who tend to fear getting caught and do everything they can to hide or deny it so they don't have to 'suck it up and deal with it' when it goes belly up for them) pretend that they're mentally secure and not doing anything 'that' wrong.
3. Cheaters who perceive themselves as 'victims of emotion' -nothing could be further from the truth. Emotions are situational, not random, and with infidelity there is a point in which the cheater can say no, but chooses not to and then involves themselves emotionally. 

Dear Cheater
As a BS I was not insecure, just concerned that I was wasting my life with someone who didn't respect me. As a BS I was not 'Snooping' or invading privacy, I was just making sure that MY interests were been taken care of. As a BS I understand that infidelity can happen and that people can drift apart and people can, rightly or wrongly, form bonds with other people (choice still exists here though) and affairs can and will happen. All I ask, as a BS, is that you tell me the truth. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll take the pain and do what I can. I'll respect the honesty and thank you at a later date. I'll deal with the situation and learn to move forward. But I can only do that with the truth.
When you lie, dear cheater, what you are telling me is that you DON'T have the courage to speak the truth. You are FULLY AWARE that what you are doing is wrong. You will say stupid things like, I didn't want to hurt you, but that is a lie in itself. What you mean is that you DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU! You are scared of facing yourself. You are scared of your actions. You are scared of the consequences. You lie because you NEED to to keep your world under some sort of control.
Please, dear cheater, understand this.
I am not insecure. I have never felt the need to sleep around to validate myself, nor have I ever felt the need to seek the attention of other people to feel good about myself.
I do not invade your privacy. When I check on your phone records, or emails or bank statements or credit card bills, I am simply making sure that the services I am also using and paying for are being used fairly and that my share is not being deprived from me.
I am not scared of being alone. When I ask what you've been up to or checking where you've been, I am simply making sure that the time I am spending here with you is being made worthwhile and that I'm not wasting my life when I could be moving forward myself.
Now, my dear cheater, you know why I act like this. But what about you my insecure, paranoid partner. Why do you feel so in control when you must hide your phones, delete your emails, look over your shoulder to see who I'm talking to, worry about who knows and who may find out. Each day of your life torn between a fantasy of emotion and the reality of exposure. How tortured you must feel. How victimised you must perceve yourself.
Yet I'm not in that position, dear cheater. You see, I'm secure, comfortable in myself. I don't need that kind of life, nor do I want it. I, dear cheater, understand and accept the difference between reality and fantasy.
I, my dear persecuted cheater, don't need to live a fantasy and I don't need to live a lie.
How about you?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Ach, even here sometimes, you get flack for snooping, or expecting transparency. Those rare few who have 100% trust, no need for transparency, would never dream of asking for PWs, and have no problem with opposite sex friendships, don't understand the rest of us who have lived through betrayal. Although, unless they've only been with their current partner all their lives, I don't see how they could have come through life so far (depending on age) unscathed.


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

CG, typically it's just kids fresh out of political correctness 101 class.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

some really screwed up people on prostitute review message boards as well

hell, there's a place on the web for every creep including pedophiles


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Speaking of which, I do believe we are getting spammed or whatever it's called...someone looking to mess up our boards with nothing replies to every post.


----------



## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

As I read this I just got spam email advertising:

"Lonely Cheating Wives!
Search for sexy married personals of cheating women who wish to date in your area.
Find a Lonely Cheating Wife today!"


Sigh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

:lol:


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I think im coming to realize, I just dont like people.

........sigh.......


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I think im coming to realize, I just dont like people.
> 
> ........sigh.......


Me too. I don't know if it's me or them, but lately, I prefer to avoid people all together...I told the Husband about my fantasy of living off in the country with no one (but him) around for miles.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Yeah I am feeling the dislike for people all together (esp. today)

I guess I am going to do some work in the yard to avoid them all.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Pit, interesting what you say about not liking people. Fortunately, in my line of work, I have to see people everyday.

When dday first occurred, I would have to close my shop every few hours so that I could get a good cry in.

I generally like people, but now I look at them differently. I find myself wondering whether certain people are having affairs, which is something that I never wondered about before.


----------



## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Speaking of which, I do believe we are getting spammed or whatever it's called...someone looking to mess up our boards with nothing replies to every post.


I just wanted to give you all a heads up, I think you are correct. I have gotten alot of email about a reply to threads, but when I go to them I dont see anything but I am going to copy and past what the email said.

Dear Just Tired Of It All,

dfhfgjkg5756 has just replied to a thread you have subscribed to entitled - Another forum made be angry and depressed - in the Coping with Infidelity forum of Talk About Marriage.

This thread is located at:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ther-forum-made-angry-depressed-new-post.html

Here is the message that has just been posted:
***************
-bump-Image: Google 
***************



And, eachone of them say the same thing, but the thead name is diffrent. Is there somthing wrong with this? Its feels like this person is stalking my post????


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Me too. I don't know if it's me or them, but lately, I prefer to avoid people all together...I told the Husband about my fantasy of living off in the country with no one (but him) around for miles.


I used to say that i trust people until they lied to me and proved they were not trustworthy. I used to give everyone the benefit of a doubt until they proved otherwise.

I am not that way any longer. I trust no one 100%. I expect to be lied to. It is a pleasant surprise when a promise to me is kept. I do not like to live like this but those are the cards I have been dealt. Am I cynical? Hell yes - maybe it is a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt. I don't know.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

They're greatly delusional and want to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions at any cost. I'd have to equate their mindset with plain and simple Hedonism!


----------



## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> I think im coming to realize, I just dont like people.


_“The more I know about people, the better I like my dog.”_ – Mark Twain


----------

