# My husband treats me badly, has no respect for me, controls all, and is alwaccusatory



## Nancie (Jul 1, 2013)

I have been with my husband for 23 years, married for ten, and share 7 children and a grandson. In the last year things have gotten pretty bumpy, and we fight nonstop. Due to a few mistakes he now believes me to be a sneaky, incapable person, treats me badly, has zero respect for me, and controls all. He claims to love me deeply, and says couldn't live without me, yet it seems as though he hates me, and all I do is annoy him. I have given up everything for him, and have made him my entire world. I love him and want nothing more then to be happy but I am afraid it's hopeless at this point! His constant ridicule and insults hurt me deeply, but I don't think he cares as nothing ever changes. I cant do anything right, and he says something negative about ALL I do, and I never seem to please him anymore, I don't get it, HELP! ,


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Please list your "mistakes".


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## Nancie (Jul 1, 2013)

Nothing major, he has an explosive temper so when I worried something would anger him I would lie to him. Things like hiding a high electric bill, or how much money I spent, etc. I know that lying is his most hated thing, so the fact that I lied to him period is a huge deal. Now he thinks I am always lying and I have to prove my innocence should he think something is amiss. I am always guilty first to him...PERIOD! I am only human and all humans are foulible, so why must I continue to pay for past mistakes?I feel I deserve the benefit of doubt as I am a good person in general, and my good far, far outways the bad!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

are you saying that things were fine for 22 years, but just this last year, things have gotten bad? Did the lying just occur in this last year? Is there something wrong with him? is he depressed? If you still love him and want to stay married, and he claims he loves you, despite the fact that he treats you like $hit, tell him that you want to get the marriage back on track and you two need to see a marriage counselor because you can no longer take his ridicule, insults and hatred. I could not stay in a marriage like that. I think it's time to let him know that if he doesn't change, the marriage is in danger and if he loves you, like he claims, he will stop with his abuse.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Nancie said:


> *Nothing major, he has an explosive temper so when I worried something would anger him I would lie to him.* Things like hiding a high electric bill, or how much money I spent, etc. I know that lying is his most hated thing, so the fact that I lied to him period is a huge deal. Now he thinks I am always lying and I have to prove my innocence should he think something is amiss. I am always guilty first to him...PERIOD! I am only human and all humans are foulible, so why must I continue to pay for past mistakes?I feel I deserve the benefit of doubt as I am a good person in general, and my good far, far outways the bad!


That's an extension of walking on eggshells. My grandfather was like that. His wife and kids (my mom) learned to walk on eggshells so they didn't set off his temper, and that includes omitting information or little lies...they knew it wasn't right, but it was anything and everything to avoid a raging temper outbreak. He was a loving man otherwise, but yeah.

I say be scrupulously honest and turn a deaf ear to his rages. If the truth sets him off, so what. Leave the house if his outburst gets to be too much, and come back after he's cooled off.

When he ridicules you, tell him you don't want him to speak to you that way, and that you aren't going to listen to him do so. Then leave the room. Or leave the house and go to a coffee shop or something. 

Don't tolerate his belittling behavior or his rages. He can learn to control himself if he wants to control something.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some people accept the mistakes of others. Some do not. It doesn't sound as if he is one who does. Give him, always, the unvarnished truth. If he decides he wants to rage that doesn't mean you have to listen.


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## Nancie (Jul 1, 2013)

norajane said:


> That's an extension of walking on eggshells. My grandfather was like that. His wife and kids (my mom) learned to walk on eggshells so they didn't set off his temper, and that includes omitting information or little lies...they knew it wasn't right, but it was anything and everything to avoid a raging temper outbreak. He was a loving man otherwise, but yeah.
> 
> I say be scrupulously honest and turn a deaf ear to his rages. If the truth sets him off, so what. Leave the house if his outburst gets to be too much, and come back after he's cooled off.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nancie (Jul 1, 2013)

You literally hit the nail on the head when you said "thats an extension of walking on eggshells", as I have used the same wording numerous times directly to gim. I always feel as if I am walking on eggshells with him. The funny thing is; he too is a very loving man and a wonderful father, he is loyal to me, we do everything together, he takes care of us, and I always know I can count on him. My only problem is the way he treats me when he is annoyed or angry. He is aware of the behavior and says hes trying to change, so the effort is there I just dont see any improvement. He is literally all I have as I have lost most my immediate fam, so working it out means so much to me, I just cant seem to make him happy anymore, and he cant get over my lying to him. I guess the behaviir is warranted in a way due to my lying to him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Some people accept the mistakes of others. Some do not. It doesn't sound as if he is one who does. Give him, always, the unvarnished truth. If he decides he wants to rage that doesn't mean you have to listen.


If you've ever lived with someone who rages like that, you know you don't have to listen to it. But trust me, you do have to hear it. Pretty hard to ignore. It's abusive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Nancie said:


> Things like hiding a high electric bill, or how much money I spent, etc.


Why would you lie about an electric bill? 

How much did you spend? Are you talking about buying a $50 purse or spending thousands on various stuff?


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