# My husband is furious with me.



## Littlebitt (Jun 23, 2011)

This is a very long story, but here goes...To set the scene I will give a little history.

Last week my husband and I went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. One of the waitresses waved at my husband and then came up and started chatting with him like they knew each other. I have been to the restaurant many times, and I didn't know this person. He told me he goes and eats there when I'm at work. He said this girl was very sweet.

I am due to have some dental work and I won't be able to eat anything but soft food for awhile. My husband said in front of his mother and I that he will just have to go eat out by himself. (He said this in a joking way, I suppose). I said," Oh yeah, Chinese food?" He got very defensive and asked me what I meant by that. His mother wanted to know also, so I told her the story. She didn't like it and seemed more than a little suspicious of her son.

My husband was livid, he said I was causing trouble between him and his mother. He also said I was jealous. I feel really guilty that I even brought it up. He is so mad at me I'm not sure if he will ever get over it. He and his mother have had their troubles, and I should have known better. I apologized to him, but all he said is I really (He used the F word) up.

I don't think he has been happy with me for a long time anyway. He criticizes me over unimportant things. Nothing I do seems to be right...He say's he is not happy.
I try to talk to him but he is now giving me the silent treatment, so I am keeping my mouth shut. Whenever I open it, it seems to cause more problems.
I really need some advice...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

He really is touchy about that subject, isn't he? Have you been accusing him of cheating? Since he is so sensitive to your comment, I'd say there is probably a bigger problem in your marriage. It doesn't sound as though he is much of a communicator either. Perhaps try marriage counseling to improve communication and resolve the bigger problem in your marriage.


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## mdinwpg (Aug 8, 2009)

827Aug said:


> He really is touchy about that subject, isn't he? Have you been accusing him of cheating? Since he is so sensitive to your comment, I'd say there is probably a bigger problem in your marriage. It doesn't sound as though he is much of a communicator either. Perhaps try marriage counseling to improve communication and resolve the bigger problem in your marriage.


I agree with you. Either he can't take a joke, or something else is the real issue.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Well, to be fair, this wasn't said to be a joke. You said it to be vindictive. Or petty. You probably wanted to get his mother on your side, and now you did. What you didn't coun on was your husband calling you out on it. 

Now, you apologized, but your husband is grudging. Which is also petty. You need to tell him what part of I'm sorry he doesn't get. Then, lower the temperature in the relationship until he finally comes around. Don't be brooding. Just act like you are the happiest person in the world. But if he brings it up again, and still grudges you, be cold. If he continues his behavior, you may have to sit him down and have. Stern talk with him. No yelling, but firm. Explain that you already said you were sorry, but he's also acting inappropriate by holding a grudge. He either wants to forgive and mov on, or hold a grudge for a long time out of vindictiveness, which isn't constructive at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He didn't introduce you as his wife to a waitress who knew him well enough to wave at him and come over and chat to him while he was there with a woman??????? And he engaged in the chatting while you.....sat there? 

Cruel.
Rude.
Demeaning.

The waitress as well. If she had any class at all, she would have asked for an introduction when she took his order, and refrained from chatting unless invited. She NEVER would have waved.

I really hate it when men use their status as a customer and tips to get the attention of women. My H calls the women at the bakery where he goes every morning when he is working as his 'girlfriends'. I told him that only old men who have sexual performance issues or young single guys who have trouble getting dates at bars chat up waitresses for male validation and that waitresses know this but encourage it for the tips. As a former waitress, I can vouch that there is some truth in this. In any case, it put a stop to the behavior. It's different than being polite to a waitress... being on terms where they wave and come over to chat to you in the presence of a woman - any woman - who is sitting at the table with you...it's time to start going to another restaurant.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He didn't introduce you as his wife to a waitress who knew him well enough to wave at him and come over and chat to him while he was there with a woman??????? And he engaged in the chatting while you.....sat there?
> 
> Cruel.
> Rude.
> ...


I thought the same thing too.


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## Littlebitt (Jun 23, 2011)

I probably as being petty to make my comment about him going out to eat Chinese food. And no I have not accused him of cheating, but he says I have. I told him I didn't feel he was cheating but was a flirt, which he is.

I believe there is a bigger issue here too, the problem is whenever I try to talk to him about it he gets angry. Seems like he is always mad at me over something.
He says, "You do what you gotta do". Which is his pat answer. It's like an invitation to leave.

As far as his mother is concerned...I lost my mother a few years ago, I talk with his mom like I did my mother. I know I now that was/is a mistake.

Thank you all for your replies.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Methinks he protests too much. His response is way over the top so that means he's reacting to something other than your remark. Perhaps you're getting a little too close to the truth about his relationship with this person (or perhaps someone else) and he's putting up a smokescreen of anger to keep you off balance.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

His behaviour was wrong, he should have introduced you as his wife. He should not be flirting with other women, and he should be glad you are friends with your mother.

he sounds very selfish and like he is very childish in his dealings with conflict. It's not attractive for men to behave that way.

I think you need to read the 180 threads and apply some of that. Also Make your boundaries clear.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes. The introductions to the waitress would have been appropriate. I agree with that.

I wonder if he didn't do because of something deeper, like the flirting?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

He's furious with you because you spoiled his playtime.

If you would have said something like "Eat what? Greasy pizza?", he probably would have laughed.

But when you said Chinese, he got mega defensive, and said you accused him of cheating.

I think he admitted way too much info. A person who gets defensive like that, then deflects the blame, HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Uh...only somebody with a guilty conscience would be so mad about something so silly....


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## tjlee (May 19, 2011)

My wife is overly friendly. That's just how she is. I am not. So when I do go out of my way to be friendly, I almost feel like I am flirting or wanting something more from a woman...because normally I am not that way. But my wife is just more friendly and it's easy for me to get a little jealous when she is doing what i would consider for myself as too friendly or flirting. We are on different levels there.

But, my wife also suffers from depression and may be bipolar. So when i do bring something up as a concern, and even if I can stay calm during the whole conversation, she will inevitably get way depressed, get totally pissed with me, it gets blown out of proportion, and sometimes she even gets violent. I really don't understand why that happens. i would also like to know if she is actually really guilty, or if the conversation just makes her feel guilty and she ends up mad because she feels untrusted. Just thought I would share that.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Eh, depends on whether that's normal chatty behavior for him. I would get pissed off if my husband made a comment like that to me in front of my Dad. There must be underlying trust issues.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I smell a rat!


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## Littlebitt (Jun 23, 2011)

tjlee said:


> My wife is overly friendly. That's just how she is. I am not. So when I do go out of my way to be friendly, I almost feel like I am flirting or wanting something more from a woman...because normally I am not that way. But my wife is just more friendly and it's easy for me to get a little jealous when she is doing what i would consider for myself as too friendly or flirting. We are on different levels there.
> 
> But, my wife also suffers from depression and may be bipolar. So when i do bring something up as a concern, and even if I can stay calm during the whole conversation, she will inevitably get way depressed, get totally pissed with me, it gets blown out of proportion, and sometimes she even gets violent. I really don't understand why that happens. i would also like to know if she is actually really guilty, or if the conversation just makes her feel guilty and she ends up mad because she feels untrusted. Just thought I would share that.


We sound somewhat alike. I am more calm and a little shy at times. I would not dream of flirting with anyone. Believe me, he would not like it.
My husband is more outgoing and high strung.
But he does not get violent. Don't get me wrong, he can throw a whopper of a fit. 
I don't know why they get so angry..How can you get to the root of any problem when your so afraid to bring anything up, because it will make your husband/wife mad? 

I still feel guilty though, because I know I handled it all wrong.
I had not brought it up to him when it happened because I knew it would tick him off. When he made the comment about going out eating alone it just came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. We all have different ways of expressing our anger, and my way was not the correct one.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

If the waitress and your husband had something going I don't think she would have been so obvious to give herself away in front of you.

He maybe mad because it's one more thing for his mom to ride him about. Also he hates to be accused of something when he hasn't done anything. I am the same way. 

So you are jealous, big deal. You've apologized, he should accept. Give it time, he'll get over it. Stop talking to his mom about your marriage.

He maybe innocent, but be aware until you know nothing is happening.


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