# Question for men with LD spouse regarding masturbation



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I've heard that frequent masterbation without sex doesn't help with stress release but in fact makes you want sex more.

For the men who are in a low sex/no sex relationship, do you find the frequency of masterbation affects you level of sexual desire (IE the more you masterbate, the more you want sex?)

I know for myself when I was going through some long dry spells in the past I found that even if I wanted to masterbate, it was only a very temporary fix, as in not even good enough to hold me through the day sometimes,and really didn't curb my cravings at all.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Yes, masturbation makes me think more about sex, but then the lack of sex also makes think more about sex. Perhaps it's that masturbation just can't replace the intimacy of sex between two partners.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Same here...
There are times where I had nearly given up on sex and masturbation also took a back seat. Found myself focusing on other areas of my life and actually getting so involved with politics, seemed like nothing else mattered.

But at some point, I feel lonely and the desire for sex becomes ever so strong. The wife isn't making herself available, so chronic masturbation ensues. I found myself looking forward to particular times during the day, as those were when I had a few mins away from the wife that would allow me to crank one off. I got so good at it, I could literately crank one off within a min or two.
When the wife focuses sexual attention toward me, the desire to masturbate diminishes. 
Lately, I've decided that I am getting tired of masturbating (seems to be all I ever do), when I have a sexy wife that could be sharing this intimate time with.
While trying to reconnect with the wife, I am not afraid to let her know if and when I take matters into my own hands. 
Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch. 
Maybe that is what she needs to observe, so she knows how to do them better.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

JoeHenderson said:


> Yes, masturbation makes me think more about sex, but then the lack of sex also makes think more about sex. Perhaps it's that masturbation just can't replace the intimacy of sex between two partners.


:iagree:


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

When I've gone through dry spells, I've found that a quick orgasm did not help much. However, if I were able to periodically set aside some time, maybe 20 minutes to an hour, where I was able to experience a sustained level of high arousal, then it did seem to make a noticeable difference. Visual stimulation with adult videos worked as a very effective tool for increasing and enhancing arousal. I felt soothed, more relaxed, happier with my place in the world, and less sexually frustrated. It still wasn't the same as a good sexual experience with another person, but it was MUCH better than a quick orgasm.

The key for me was the sustained high level of arousal. Being in the state of high arousal, I can feel stress leaving my body, and being replaced by happy emotions. Alcohol also seemed to give the brain chemistry a little nudge as well. A couple of beers, a favorite mixed drink, or some wine seemed to compliment the other stimulation.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

To me, masturbation was the sexual equivalent to being really hungry and stopping by a convenience store to get a snack to tide you over. Sex with a partner ranged from a nice home cooked meal to an expensive steak dinner out on the town. 

I masturbated a lot more in my marriage than I'm actually getting sex in my current relationship, but I have zero desire to self serve. I'm a very satisfied dude for the past two years.

C


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch


This makes my wife horny it does help but not always


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I agree that an extended state of arousal is better than a quicky. That's one reason that "real" sex is better than masturbation.

What I have found is that masturbation is fine for taking care of things during a dry spell, but not an acceptable replacement for sex. In fact, I get a real feeling of resentment once I finish masturbating because I know I have a wife who is physically and mentally capable of a sexual relationship, yet I have to take care of myself.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I agree that an extended state of arousal is better than a quicky. That's one reason that "real" sex is better than masturbation.
> 
> What I have found is that masturbation is fine for taking care of things during a dry spell, but not an acceptable replacement for sex. In fact, I get a real feeling of resentment once I finish masturbating because I know I have a wife who is physically and mentally capable of a sexual relationship, yet I have to take care of myself.


That's exactly where I have come to be. I look in the mirror in the bathroom after finishing and don't like what I see. I see a sex starved man taking care of himself instead of enjoying the flesh of his beautiful wife. How did things come to this? Time for a change...I'm tired of spanking it. I want real passionate sex with my wife.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> Same here...
> There are times where I had nearly given up on sex and masturbation also took a back seat. Found myself focusing on other areas of my life and actually getting so involved with politics, seemed like nothing else mattered.
> 
> But at some point, I feel lonely and the desire for sex becomes ever so strong. The wife isn't making herself available, so chronic masturbation ensues. I found myself looking forward to particular times during the day, as those were when I had a few mins away from the wife that would allow me to crank one off. *I got so good at it, I could literately crank one off within a min or two.*
> ...


Ha! Don't use your best effort when she watches. If she learns your "Rapid Crank Explosion" Technique, you'll be lucky if you see her for 5 min per day...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Not in an LD/sexless marriage, but I was celibate voluntarily for a years, and it's true for me. The more I masturbate, the hornier I get.

It applies to my married sex life. If, for whatever reason, we have a period where sex isn't as frequent as normal, the best way to walk through it is to avoid jerking off. Because once I start that my appetite for sex just grows and grows.

It's true for some; the more you itch, the more you scratch.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> I've heard that frequent masterbation without sex doesn't help with stress release but in fact makes you want sex more.
> 
> For the men who are in a low sex/no sex relationship, do you find the frequency of masterbation affects you level of sexual desire (IE the more you masterbate, the more you want sex?)
> 
> I know for myself when I was going through some long dry spells in the past I found that even if I wanted to masterbate, it was only a very temporary fix, as in not even good enough to hold me through the day sometimes,and really didn't curb my cravings at all.


 I am not a man, but the more i masturbate the more I want sex. It fuels it, but doesn't kill it for me. I could masturbate 3x a day and still want sex the same day. It really does suck though!


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch.
> Maybe that is what she needs to observe, so she knows how to do them better.


actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Snookums said:


> actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!


Really?

The mental image of what I look like grappling with my member doesn't look like it'd be a turn on to anyone, even the blind!


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

:rofl: 

then maybe it's just me, it absolutely drives me wild for my fiance to stand over me why doing that over my breasts or what ever part of the body he chooses at the time.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Yeah, I guess that's different cause in a way your participating. I thought you meant to just sit and watch him wax the magic wand. 

That sort of thing isn't a turn on for me really, but I could see how in that situation it would be a turn on for you if you enjoyed it.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Really?
> 
> The mental image of what I look like grappling with my member doesn't look like it'd be a turn on to anyone, even the blind!


:rofl:

:iagree:


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Honestly had the opposite effect with me. My wife still is fairly LD, but had no drive after our first child for over a year, I found that I'd take care of my own business and become content with that rather than making me desire sex more.

I limit my masterbation, so that i may be more "desparate" to pursue nailing my wife.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Snookums said:


> actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!


Truth!

I remember the first time I masturbated for my lady. She'd never been interested in watching any man before, but she asked to watch. I was nervous. But I will NEVER forget the look on her face. She was beyond mesmerized, and horny as all get out. Even now, if I whip it out and start going at it, she can not keep her eyes off me. It's a great way to tease her on the way to work, when I know she wants to just jump me, but she doesn't have the time. She gets so exasperated with me! LOL!


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

My hubby of nine years finally got over his "shyness," and it's been lots of fun. Don't know why, but it really gets me going!

He said, "It's much better than doing it alone."


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> When the wife focuses sexual attention toward me, the desire to masturbate diminishes.
> 
> Lately, I've decided that I am getting tired of masturbating (seems to be all I ever do), when I have a sexy wife that could be sharing this intimate time with.
> 
> While trying to reconnect with the wife, I am not afraid to let her know if and when I take matters into my own hands.



Yes, Yes, Yes. While I'm generally happy enough with our sex life, there are times when our lovemaking is a bit scarce. We've gone through some harrowing family issues in the past year or so that are time consuming and quite stressful. I can understand that this makes sex a low priority for her. While I find an orgasm to be very relaxing and stress relieving and have little difficulty performing during stressful periods, her already low drive diminishes and she finds it impossible to relax enough to allow herself to have an orgasm. 

I don't masturbate if I am getting sexual attention from my wife. 

I can grow weary of masturbating when I realize how hot my wife is and I feel I'm doing something impersonal to scratch an itch that is better scratched in a shared encounter.

I have started to let her know when I have done it; sometimes this backfires, as she then thinks she's off the hook for a few days.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Snookums said:


> :rofl:
> 
> then maybe it's just me, it absolutely drives me wild for my fiance to stand over me why doing that over my breasts or what ever part of the body he chooses at the time.


Hmmm... I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're one of the rare women that get off on having their SO beat off over them and shoot their loads on your body. I think that can be pretty cool, but I think most women wouldn't like it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

OhhShiney said:


> I have started to let her know when I have done it; sometimes this backfires, as she then thinks she's off the hook for a few days.


Not that I don't think my wife knows I masturbate, but this is the reason why I never tell her. Doing so would give her the idea that masturbation is an acceptable alternative to an intimate sexual relationship between us.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Not that I don't think my wife knows I masturbate, but this is the reason why I never tell her. Doing so would give her the idea that masturbation is an acceptable alternative to an intimate sexual relationship between us.


While that may be true, I let my wife know that masturbation is no where close to being a replacement for her flesh and I still require her participation for the relationship to feel fulfilled.


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## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

Mr. Henderson, you really hit the nail on the head there. I'll give you my opinion on masturbation between me and my husband - we have been married 5 years.

Sometimes there is dry spells but it's not a big deal. We each have our own toys. Seriously I'm not joking one bit either. Just like towels in the bathroom - his and hers. 










Some people may think it's not healthy how we pleasure ourselves separately but we are so in love, read on! Sometimes I'll use his toy on him in the shower. Sometimes he'll use mine on me and it's just foreplay with no sex. 

We both LOVE our sex life - even though it's kind of sexless. Truth is you get bored with sex after a few years, We were like bunnies at first and really, the novelty just wore off. I love my vibrator, I have this perfect spot where it place it on my body and the orgasms are so intense. Honestly I cant even orgasm this hard with him. We have love and intimacy and snuggle and all those nice things - but orgasms and sexual intercourse just are not as important. I like my powerful orgasms and I enjoy not having messy bed sheets from sex (sex is messy all the time) hos toy is closed on the end so he never spills over. Sorry for the gross image but it's true, our sex life is easy quick and fun. 

Just proving here that masturbation really DOES have a place in the sex life and it's a great place.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

That's about the most awful thing I've ever read  

Why have a human partner at all?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Jasminaa said:


> Some people may think it's not healthy how we pleasure ourselves separately but we are so in love, read on! Sometimes I'll use his toy on him in the shower. Sometimes he'll use mine on me and it's just foreplay with no sex.
> 
> We both LOVE our sex life - even though it's kind of sexless. Truth is you get bored with sex after a few years, We were like bunnies at first and really, the novelty just wore off. I love my vibrator, I have this perfect spot where it place it on my body and the orgasms are so intense. Honestly I cant even orgasm this hard with him. We have love and intimacy and snuggle and all those nice things - but orgasms and sexual intercourse just are not as important. I like my powerful orgasms and I enjoy not having messy bed sheets from sex (sex is messy all the time) hos toy is closed on the end so he never spills over. Sorry for the gross image but it's true, our sex life is easy quick and fun.
> 
> Just proving here that masturbation really DOES have a place in the sex life and it's a great place.


This isn't a sexless marriage. There are many ways to make love, and they all don't include a penis in a vagina to be considered legit. Many lesbians make love the way you're describing, and it's a complete experience for them. It sounds like you and your husband have found a way to stay sexually gratified together, and as long as it works for you both that's all that matters.


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## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

That was really amazing how the last 2 responses are completely opposite:

"That's about the most awful thing I've ever read
Why have a human partner at all? "

vs.

" There are many ways to make love, and they all don't include a penis in a vagina to be considered legit."

Neither of you are wrong, neither are right. That's one of the joys of being human, people are different. That's also why it's important to be compatible with your partner in every way. If he did not like our version of a sex life then I'm sure wedded bliss would have been long gone by now. I guess this emphasis the importance of marrying a person only once you know them really, really well!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

When my wife was really bing lame in the sex department, I survived via masturbation. Without blowing that load, I couldn't even concentrate on the average things going on like work and such. Sure, it did make me want sex more, but if I wasn't getting any, then I needed to clean out the sac myself.


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## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

Yea I agree, self pleasure is a great thing. Look at the human body, we are build with our hands right next to our privates... coincidence? I think not! The rush of hormones during an orgasm cleanse out the body like a detox. I've seen many-a-documentary on the topic so Mother Nature wants us to have orgasms - for our health!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Snookums said:


> :rofl:
> 
> then maybe it's just me, it absolutely drives me wild for my fiance to stand over me why doing that over my breasts or what ever part of the body he chooses at the time.




Come to think of it...my Princess has asked me to "stand and deliver" as she sat on the floor watching (wearing only a smile). It was quite nice as I recall now...


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Hmmm... I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're one of the rare women that get off on having their SO beat off over them and shoot their loads on your body. I think that can be pretty cool, but I think most women wouldn't like it.


I love it when we do a joint masterbation party. I lone watching him pump himself overtop of me, nothing hotter than seeing how powerful he pumps. :-D I always lay between his legs so he can hit me belly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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