# lose-lose situation!



## happybutsadwife (Jun 27, 2018)

I've been married 16 pretty happy years. We have 3 kids and I stayed home with them for 12 years. Two years ago we considered buying a business from my in-laws and I thought long and hard about it because I knew my husband really wanted to buy it but I really really didn't. I had worked in this industry years ago and hated it. I couldn't imagine doing it again and thankfully he seemed to understand and we went on about our life. My in-laws found a buyer and all was good.

A year later, when the buyers fell through, my husband approached me about it again. To be clear, he planned to keep his full-time job and help me run this whenever he could. I stayed firm and stated all the reasons I really didn't want to do it (all really valid, and he understood). But he just had this deep need to do it and so he promised me things such as he would quit his job if it ever got to be too much. And that this would be really good for our future and that I should really just try it- maybe I'd like it. But I knew that I already didn't want to or ever want to do it but he just wore me down and I agreed to it. Part of me couldn't imagine that I should be the reason that he can't carry on the family business. 

Well, we're more than a year into it and I'm miserable. We have had key positions turn over (due to a variety of reasons) and that has made it very difficult on me. We have 3 busy kids and it's hard to manage both the business and their schedules. I have stopped exercising (something I loved before) because I have no time. I'm not cooking dinners anymore for the family and we are eating out or junk. I resent him for making me do this, but I know he'd resent me for taking away this opportunity. I feel it's lose-lose. Our marriage has taken a nose-dive and it's devastating. 

We can't just sell the business. We're in too deep. I don't know how long I can continue to do this. He knows how upset I am about how difficult it's been but he's never once said we should get out of this for the sake of our marriage. And when I did tell him it was time for him to quit his job, he wouldn't do it. He insists we should continue with his salary plus the profits from the business for the sake of our financial future, not because we're in a bad situation, but so we'll have a great retirement and be able to help our kids with college, buying their first house, etc. 

I don't know how to make him understand that I can't continue to be involved in this business for the remainder of our working years. He thinks my threshold is higher than it really is.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Is the business making money? Can you hire someone to do your job?


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