# Over - reacting about manipulation??



## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

I know manipulation is a harsh word - but it is the only word I can describe what happens in my relationship.

My guy could be described as easy - going but there has been some underhanded things that seem to happen in our relationship. And they are so frustrating!

One example is: If I suggest watching a programme on TV which I know we both would enjoy - my partner would say 'yes'. He would then continue to watch what is already on tv glancing to me now and again then talking and laughing about funny parts on the show. I mention to him again about the other show. He ignores me and continues to watch the tv. At this point I start to realise he has no intention of watching the programme we both enjoy but to stay with they programme that is on - the one he enjoys and the one I dont. My patience is wearing thin!

So this show has been on 1 hour and it is getting a bit too late to put on the other show. I say to him. Do you want to watch the other show? He replies oh I thought you were enjoying this one because you didnt say anything. Then I ask him'Were you hoping that I would watch this one instead of the other? his rely was yes. At this got angry and said 'Why did you agree to watch the programme we both enjoy ? He replied I am over reacting and its only a TV show (in a sarcastic tone). And look at evrything he does for me???? Guilt trip- i start feeling sorry for him???!

I felt there was a slight touch of manipulation on his part which he fails to regognise?

We are not talking at the moment because he feels he has done nothing wrong


----------



## Advocado (Feb 24, 2010)

Hmm, I can understand why you get angry if this type of petty incident happens time and again. If it is manipulation, deliberate or otherwise (probably deliberate in the situation you describe) getting angry, although understandable, won't help, and I would say most manipulators choose not to own their tactics.

From what you say I notice he didn't answer your question as to why he agreed to watch a show he didn't really want to watch. But what do you feel the true answer to this question is?

Of course just because he does loads for you does not mean you cannot have a say in choosing TV shows, so stop feeling guilty now. I am assuming you do loads for him also. 

If this is a pattern break the pattern by going and doing something else the moment it is apparent he is not going to do what he agreed to do. But don't shown him any anger or frustration as you go about whatever else you choose to do. Do the opposite and look like you haven't a care in the world. In other words don't feed the manipulation but letting him see that it riles you. Simply enjoy your own company for a while rather than be bogged down with his agenda. 

Maybe when things are calm, suggest a compromise like taking it in turns to choose TV shows. I'm not quite sure who is giving who the silent treatment but just know it's a very destructive force in a relationship if it becomes a pattern. Silent Treatment Emotional Abuse in relationships/ marriage - Are you a victim?


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Be more assertive imo. Sitting there fuming until it's too late is a show of weakness that he won't respect you for. You want to watch a show, ask for the remote, change the channel. In his eyes you look like a sook. Just to add that he was being a complete ****, but he's not here for me to tell him that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

