# My life in pieces - Where do I go from here ?



## Dia (Mar 23, 2012)

Hello everybody, I'm a new member here and I'm hoping to find some positive feedback to the predicament I'm in right now. I also need to vent, to talk to somebody, because I feel that I'm going insane with grief. I am all alone, no one to talk to.

*The story so far:* We met 9 years ago, we fell in love, we dated a while, we had a horrible accident from which I came away severely and permanently harmed, he stood by me, nursed me, loved me, married me. We got lots of insurance money, he lost it all, life became hard, my complains and unhappiness became great, we struggled then and we struggle now even more. It hasn't been easy for both. He's difficult and fixated on his way or the hi-way, I'm stubborn and pessimistic but through all this, and all that, I still love him dearly. He doesn't anymore.
Finally I'm pregnant after many years of trying but he can't be happy. Understandable, since he doesn't want to be in this marriage anymore and his love for me is gone. I pieced that together over a long period but I was in denial. Recently I had a talk with him and begged him to say it to my face, the whole truth and end my speculations, my self imposed denial, and my emotional turmoil. He did not want to say it outright because he said he does not have the heart to say it, but that I was not at all wrong in my speculation. In other words I was right about what I asked him to tell me and he couldn't : he does not love me anymore and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I stood in front of him tears running down my face and said the words myself, asking him at least to confirm them with a nod or a word. He said only : you're not wrong.

*The situation in the aftermath:* I have no means of supporting myself, no family here, no money, no job, no education, no place to go and call my own. I'm completely dependent on him in this regard. I wanted to leave and go live with friends or a women's shelter. He said that under no circumstances will he let me do that, that he's not an animal, that he has a heart and he still cares about me. Cares like for a good friend I suppose. I told him that I'm keeping the baby, even though he would prefer to be no baby under those circumstances. He made that clear. However he accepted my decision and did not try to convince me to terminate the pregnancy. He hates the idea of having a kid outside the marriage. I told him stuff happens in life and he better accept it and try to make the best of it. We don't get everything we want. I certainly did not. In fact I lost it all. I lost my one and only love of my life. Only death could have been more cruel and hurtful. Mine in the other hand, would be a relief. Sometimes I pray I go to sleep and don't wake up. I'm not being selfish, just blinded by sorrow.
This baby is my only ray of light. If I don't miscarry in the mean time. Given te amount of stress and heartache I'm going through, it will be a miracle if I keep it.
So I agreed to stay in the same apartment knowing that seeing him every day, and trying to behave like we are buddies now, it will slowly kill me inside. 
My questions to you all (men & women) is this : can his love come back, can things be repaired, can my marriage be saved ? If so, how ? What do I do, what don't I do ? Give it time and see how things evolve ? Don't make things worse by whining and feeling sorry for myself or making him feel bad ? Accept my fate with dignity ? Hope that this child will be the miracle that saves me ? How can I win him back ? I'm not looking or asking for a magic formula, but for real things that might work in real life between real people, in real situations. And if nothing can be saved, then I want brutal honesty. I need it.

*PS:* Please do not suggest couples therapy. I can tell you right now, he's not the man for that and never will be, if his life depended on it. If you tell me that both of us must want this marriage to be saved, well I can tell you that most of the time I don't know what he thinks and what he wants. He is not a communicative person. Never was. He keeps everything inside. Avoids discussions at all costs. I know what I want. What he wants now, that I know...or rather what he doesn't want...me, but what he might want later on I will not know. That is why I'm asking what can *I* do, not what can *we* do.
Divorce is not an issue because we are not married in a civil ceremony, only a religious one for what it's worth. We have no assets or money to split.

Thank you and God Bless.


----------



## FOH (Jun 29, 2013)

Dia said:


> Hello everybody, I'm a new member here and I'm hoping to find some positive feedback to the predicament I'm in right now. I also need to vent, to talk to somebody, because I feel that I'm going insane with grief. I am all alone, no one to talk to.
> 
> *The story so far:* We met 9 years ago, we fell in love, we dated a while, we had a horrible accident from which I came away severely and permanently harmed, he stood by me, nursed me, loved me, married me. We got lots of insurance money, he lost it all, life became hard, my complains and unhappiness became great, we struggled then and we struggle now even more. It hasn't been easy for both. He's difficult and fixated on his way or the hi-way, I'm stubborn and pessimistic but through all this, and all that, I still love him dearly. He doesn't anymore.
> 
> ...



How are you? Have gone through a similar story. Are you and the baby okay. Our lives arere very similar.


----------

