# A truce for Christmas...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The missus has called a peace council over our little cold war... and over a few skirmishes recently. Guess it started with a bit of "renovation" on my part, while the missus kept intruding, resulting in a few "border clashes". Considering we spent our last christmas fighting and f--king she wants it different this year.

However, I reassured her that there is no need for a truce, we're already in a truce, and I promised her if she would just give me some space and time to "renovate", the war is over. She "agreed"... but I could tell she was still not so happy, almost like she already had plans to barrage me with an all-out assault after the holidays are over.

:scratchhead:
But so far I guess I just have to take what I can get yes? Meh... I don't feel good about her reaction, it seems the only way we can really have a good christmas without bad feelings (as it seems she's holding sh-t back in her head) is to fight it out just before we wish each other a merry christmas


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## Skittlebear (Dec 4, 2011)

Yikes! I love Christmas and will tell you that I hate it if my husband and I fight before the holidays. Look up the biggest date of divorce, it falls I think the second week of January. Why? Because the season is wonderful but also so stressful. It's at minimum 30 days of planning which can involve concerns about money, family, and driving at all hours of the night to find that perfect gift. I can't give you any advice as to how to reconcile since you haven't stated what you are fighting but, I would encourange you to be supportive and helpful (if you haven't been) and for you both to make every effort to be open minded and remember this is a time of year for you both to make memories together...there is a reason you are together, right? Even as adults, we tend to have holiday excitement that can easily be crushed by memories that turn cold, hateful, and just plain sad...and during a season that is supposed to be fiilled with love...no one wants to be the one that feels alone in a crowded room. I would find out why you are fighting and make sure that you are being at least the 50% you should be in your relationship...if you are, then make a plan for next year on how to prepare yourselves from holiday stress.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah... guess we have to make up for last year anyway. Fine, I'll think I'll allow myself to spoil her just this once when Christmas comes. I'll try not to think too much.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

you control your actions. I said it before, stop making excuses and JUST DO IT. Just make it a nice holiday, quit trying to find something to fight about. In all your posts, it seems to me that you stir things up so much that you cause this turmoil. I am sorry but I dont get it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ I consider them "pre-emptive strikes" in response to her preparing to corner me within seconds to get her way (only to have a hundred thoughts flow through my head going to myself "WTF?! It's so obvious why didn't you do anything beforehand?"). She's rather cunning really.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your marriage sounds exhausting, Random.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

To bad the truce can't be for the sake of your marriage all time, not just for the Christmas season.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Your marriage sounds exhausting, Random.


:iagree:

$hit, I thought my marriage had drama but RandomGuy/Mrs. RandomGuy take drama to a new level.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Not trying to be a **** about this, RD-

But do you kind of get off on the drama with her? Deep down, just a little bit?

It just seems like you're miserable and so is she... and there is no reason to keep being miserable.

If you WANT to be the Lockhorns, hey that's cool. It just seems like there's so much game playing and tit-for-tat crap in your relationship.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes, the dramas have been happening for years... it just seems to have got worse and worse since marriage. We've just worked a little peace deal and steps to move forward but I don't know.

As for getting off on the drama? We used to play games with each other all the time but it was never malicious, more teases or light jabs or jokes and flirts... but that was YEARS ago, or rather our first 2 years of knowing each other. I guess after the talk last night with her I can understand why she decided to put on her 'good girl" shoes, we're simply no longer fit nor our relationship strong enough to play those games like in the past.

I kept playing however while she seems to have put on her "good girl" shoes, and ironically decide to be a manipulative succubus at the same time. Our relationship has never been a simple peaceful thing, it seems we're either passionate for each other, or passionate against each other. Meh

Oh well, let's see if our little discussion last night holds. We're going out tonight anyways.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Is there any reason why you are still here? You love to poke, prod and pick at your wife. You refer to her often as some kind of other species and not "your kind" as if she is from Mars. 
Frankly, you sound like a drunk fantasist who comes here for entertainment value.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Normally I ignore such comments, as it's of no help, but when it's repeated and repeated by the same poster, it does get annoying... though at times yes, entertaining. But I guess it's about time I speak out really.

I joined this forum to deal with interreligious issues a year ago, I continued because I found good advice and support. As for the poking, prodding and picking, I have my reasons which I have described which you choose to ignore or fail to understand - which others have managed to understood.

And you have no idea of the racial, political, and cultural issues my wife and I face. If you think me a racist then yay, people like you, DO become my entertainment. Ignorance I'm used to, and ignorance I've learnt to enjoy, it's my way to cope with a lifetime with experiencing racism and just when I thought it's over, it's entered my marital life.

This forum isn't meant for simply bitter folk to lay down their problems on those who remind them of their husband/wife or their ex-husband or ex-wife. I'm an a$$, I don't say it out of pride as much as people somehow seem to believe. Pfft


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Your marriage sounds exhausting, Random.


Exhausting and unbearable.

Sorry, dude...but...wow. Something's GOTTA give.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So far we've been good after last night's little talk, what would you suggest we do from here on out, we put everything (almost) on the table.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a nice, long vacation apart. See how you feel, then regroup.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

We can't book a vacation until next year though, at least maybe mid Jan or February. I'm always a different person on vacations which doesn't solve the issue once we touch down home however =/


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Is there any reason why you are still here? You love to poke, prod and pick at your wife. You refer to her often as some kind of other species and not "your kind" as if she is from Mars.
> Frankly, you sound like a drunk fantasist who comes here for entertainment value.


Yes thank you so much. I am new here, and it seems that he is a long timer here, but my goodness people, quit feeding the beast.ray:


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Normally I ignore such comments, as it's of no help, but when it's repeated and repeated by the same poster, it does get annoying... though at times yes, entertaining. But I guess it's about time I speak out really.
> 
> I joined this forum to deal with interreligious issues a year ago, I continued because I found good advice and support. As for the poking, prodding and picking, I have my reasons which I have described which you choose to ignore or fail to understand - which others have managed to understood.
> 
> ...


Ya know what dude, if you would be clear then maybe people would understand. you are so vague you make no sense. HOW are you affected by racism. HOW are you affected by the inter religious issues. Make yourself clear dude, and maybe then it would not be so exhausting try to understand


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

lol Werd.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's called the F&B / Hospitality industry Darkhorse, when people go on holidays we work our ass off. Simple.

@Bella

I have no reason to rewrite a dozen threads, if you can't understand then don't even bother. Hell some threads I don't understand either, I simply ask for more information, if they choose to give it then fine, I don't go around posting on all their threads "quit feeding the beast", pffft!


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