# Thank you



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Today is the day son and I are moving back to Canada. As I am writing this post I am waiting for the truck to pick up our belongings and then we start our 8 hr drive back to Canada.

Yesterday we got the temporary custody and divorce settlement order done at the courthouse but I will be back in CT in Sep for the final divorce decree. My husband did not wanted me to be inconvenienced to make that other trip so he wanted to do the final separation/cusotdy paperwork yesterday(that way I cannot change my mind). Not that I plan on changing anything but let him not sleep well for a while.

I wanted to say thank you to all of you on this forum who have been there for me in the most difficult times with your advice and support. Many times coming on this forum was even better than talking to family and friends. I wish there was a better ending to my story but I guess I am not the first one nor the last one.

Especially I would like to thank turnera, nice777guy, Affaircare and Tanelornpete who have always tried to find the time to answer my questions.

Today it feels like I am about to face the firing squad. I am not sure how that good bye will look like with my husband this afternoon. I am sure there will be tears from him but they are probably not going to be for me but for our son. 

Thank you all and I will try to log in here again once I am settled down in my new place.


----------



## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

Safe journey to you and happy futures as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 4mockingbird (Jul 27, 2010)

I wish the best for you. You have my e-mail if you want to talk. Have a safe trip home and I hope it gets easier for you with each passing day.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

{{{nrtq}}} Best of luck for your next phase of your life. You deserve it.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

notreadytoquit said:


> I wish there was a better ending to my story but I guess I am not the first one nor the last one.


The story isn't over; you are still alive. May you have many happy chapters to come. Good luck to you and your son as you get a fresh start in Canada.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

good luck and keep your chin up.......
talk to you when you get settled......
(((hugs))))


----------



## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

I think in one year you will look back and be amazed by how strong you were, and even more amazed by the woman this journey brought out. Just know you have many friends wishing you much happiness which I'm sure you will find.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Thinking of you today.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's hoping your day went better than you expected.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

well I am sitting right now in a hotel by I-90 since I could not make the trip with the baby all the way. Tomorrow I have to cross the border and do the paperwork for the car.

We left today at 3pm. Our neighbour came out gave me and my mom a hug(husband does not know that neighbours know about divorce and his affair). 

Can you imagine, we were still in the house and he started vaccuming and cleaning. As if he wanted us to get out faster. He did not cry at all but his face seemed disturbed. I took a pill to keep myself calm and said nothing to him. 

Oh he got me a present from son for my bday on Monday. A framed photo of son and I. Card was signed from son only. He did not even say "Have a nice trip" as if we were just going to the grocery store. I have been pretty calm and cold to him ever since the court house meeting yesterday. I just answer yes or no. He tries to engage me in some bs conversation about general stuff but I did not pay too much attention to it. 

When we stopped on the highway he called and left vm asking how our trip was and how son was doing. I have done this trip by car twice round trip since April. This is the first time he has called during the trip to ask about us. Oh and his voicemail said something about him doing grocery shopping like I care what he is doing right now.

So I just sent him a brief text now from the hotel to say we are ok. No reply from him.

I actually feel better today(maybe it's the pill) than I felt yesterday. Oh and my neighbour really wants to say something to him. She is married to a guy(she is his third wife). Her husband actually had an affair on his first wife so he wanted to come and talk to my H.

I also left in his nightstand a family photo of us and a little note saying: " I hope you are comfortable with the decision you took about the future of our family. One day you will realize how much you have hurt the two people who loved you unconditionally with all your imperfections. Son and I wish you well in your future life. Signed Me and son(not even Love you )

On Monday is my bday. We'll see if he acknowledges it(not that I expect it)


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I love the note you left. Good for you.


----------



## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

NotReady,
Sorry it hasn't worked out. You gave it your best shot. You can stand proud. He can not. Give that boy of yours a big hug from all of us, as we give you a big electronic one (((hug))). Stay in touch.
Best of luck.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Thank you all for the caring words. I am already in Canada after a 24hr car trip. H called few times to ask how WE were and how I passed the border. I was importing my vehicle so there is procedural paperwork on both sides of the border.

I just sent him a short note that we arrived. He replied back saying: let me know when u are available this weekend so I can talk to son and you.

Talk to me? What for? He did not even say goodbye or at least: Have a nice trip.

Maybe he found the photo with the note(see my previous two posts).

I have made this round trip two more times in the last 4 months. He did not even call the last two times to see how we were doing on the road.

I will stay in touch with this forum. Today I actually feel ok. Don't know if that's normal. Maybe I will be hit by tons of bricks later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Thank you all for the caring words. I am already in Canada after a 24hr car trip. H called few times to ask how WE were and how I passed the border. I was importing my vehicle so there is procedural paperwork on both sides of the border.

I just sent him a short note that we arrived. He replied back saying: let me know when u are available this weekend so I can talk to son and you.

Talk to me? What for? He did not even say goodbye or at least: Have a nice trip.

Maybe he found the photo with the note(see my previous two posts).

I will stay in touch with this forum. Today I actually feel ok. Don't know if that's normal. Maybe I will be hit by tons of bricks later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

I have not posted to you before, I read through your posts. I am keeping you in my prayers.

You are stronger than you think you are. Your hubby needs to do some growing up. I don't think I would answer everytime he calls. Let him sweat it out some. He made his choice so now let him see if he likes his choice. Since you do have a baby, you do have to keep up the communication, but that does not mean that you have to talk to him about you. 

He was really crappy to have not said goodbye. You have a child together and loved each other, he should have been man enough to do it. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep posting and feel free to message me if you would like to chat. You will get through this and there will be brighter days. Just take one day at a time. Don't let hubby get to you. He needs to grow up and be a man. You need to concentrate on you and your son, these are the only two people you need to work on ad the rest will follow.

Keep posting, I am anxious to hear what is going on and how you are doing.

God Bless


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Hi again,
I am now settled down in our apartment and I was just about to send two emails. I just need your opinion on the wording if you think something should be changed:

First email is to friends and family. Most of them know about his affair but there are some who have no clue. Should I inlclude these people? And if I they ask I will tell them what has happend. Here is the text:

Dear friends and family,

Son and I moved back to Canada on Aug 6. We are now settled down in our apartment in ABC town ready to start rebuilding our lives one day at a time. We would like to thank all of our friends and family who have shown their support(you know who you are) to us in the past several months and we will forever be grateful for your kindness. For those of you who would like to stay in touch with us this is our new contact information:

My new address

Second email is to the OW. Just got an email from her husband yesterday saying their divorce is now official. This is the email I would like to send to her. Again let me know what you think:

Hi OW,

My son and I are back to Canada now. I just wanted to thank you for participating in the destruction of my marriage and my young family. I can see that you are a woman of "high" family values and low self esteem to be going after a married man. Partially thanks to you my son will never know what it is like to do some things with mom and dad together.

Let me know if I should add anything or remove anything from these emails. I think they are pretty general and as far as the email to the OW I don't expect an answer from her but I will send it to all of her 3 different email addresses she has(and I know of thanks to the keylogger)


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I can't think of anything. Good to know you made it ok. Good luck.


----------



## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Sounds good to me.Enjoy the rest of your summer with your wonderful child.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

I can only think of one thing - why in the world would you send a letter to the Other Woman? 

On the other hand, I'm glad you are settled and getting busy.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would. There's only so much you can do to suck it up when your life has been destroyed. Small favors.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I think take the high road and just let the OW go. She wouldn't be worth the paper the letter was written on.


----------



## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

As many times as I have thought about contacting the OW, I usually just tell myself that I really have no idea what my H was telling her. He could have convinced her that it was over and I agreed to divorce! Also, as I have stated before, she could come back with all sorts of lies about what my H told her, simply to justify her actions to me. Only those two will ever really know.....

That said, I could never fault the betrayed spouse that decides to contact their spouse's lover, as long as it is not violent or threatening. You only have to walk in a betrayed one's shoes to see why.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

The problem(s) I see is(are) that:

1) They are still married, and any contact like this created a stronger bond between husband and lover.

2) If, in the future, husband and lover are still together, and the marriage ends, all of the sudden this Other Woman is involved with the kids, and there will have to be civility between the parties involved. Once the marriage is over, the battle is over. Creating a hostile environment unnecessarily is counterproductive.

3) While it may seem at the moment satisfying to get in a few digs, in the end it generally bites you back.

It is best to simply stay moral, act deliberately (rather than lashing out when the mood strikes) and be a role model for children - who learn a great deal by watching.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, but I'm pretty rude when it comes to allowing MEAN people into my life or my kids' lives. I would be very stubborn about allowing OW to integrate into my kids' lives. In fact, I would make SURE that they know what she did. Actually, that is part of MB program, with which I completely agree. Others may not.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

I understand your point Turnera - the problem is that once the marriage is over, and thus the affair becomes a legitimate relationship (with shaky beginnings, no doubt) - at that point, all the the sudden the Other Woman becomes a Step Mom, and the differences between the adults involved (pain from the past) should never be passed on to the children to bear. In essence, all that becomes is the use of children as tools to create discomfort and pain in someone you dislike. It's shameful in any form.

If the other relationship fails (most likely) then there is no problem in keeping the children from contact with that Other Woman - but there is no crystal ball involved here: no way to know WHAT the future will bring, and acting on impulse to lash out, or get in a few nasty digs to a person who irritates you may feel good - but it is still playground behavior. 

What DOES it teach the kids?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IMO, it teaches the kids that adultery ruins families. Accepting a stepmom who broke up your parents teaches a kid to try it out.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I only sent the letter to the friends and family. I have not sent the one to the OW. Some days I feel like sending it some I don't. Her now ex husband said to me that it would not even phase her. He emailed me yesterday to tell me their divorce was done deal.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I just found out from the neighbour next door that she was in the house on Sunday. They saw her car. I did ask them to keep an eye if she starts coming more regularly. I know there is nothing I can do from here about it but it is just so difficult to hear stuff like this.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

welcome to Canada, 
You arrived safely and with the love of your life ........
I think it also sucks that your husband didn't even say good bye, maybe he just didn't know how.........
I would just make the best life for you and your son and remember you owe him nothing now. He will have to make the effort it takes to stay in contact with his son, that's not your job anymore......
If you do talk, keep it about your son, he has no right now to have any information on you or your life......
Let him really feel his choices......reality is now in full force in his world............
(((HUGS)))))


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

His reality now is to spend as much as time he can with the other woman. She is free now and he is almost free(we are in two different countries). He has no family there to worry about running into, he tells stories to his mom who is so naive it's almost ridiculous and he has pretty much cut contact with lots of our mutual friends or he contacts them for work on occasion.

I am doing ok I guess but I feel enormous void inside. Yes I have my son and that is wonderful but this is different kind of void if you can understand what I mean by that.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Maybe you shouldn't ask the neighbors too much about whats going on. After all, you've already done all you can do.


----------



## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

I hate that you are hurting, but things are out of your control right now. Focus on the future you are building with your son. I know it is hard not to look back, but don't cause yourself any more grief than you have too.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As one last ditch effort, I would send his mom a note: "Dear Ex-MIL: Thank you for all the compassion and support you have shown me over the years. I appreciate it. I enjoyed being a part of your family. Now that I have moved back home, and H has started replacing me with OM who is now coming to our - make that HIS home - on a regular basis now, I can only assume that our relationship with you is over except as the mother of your grandchild. If you ever need to speak to your grandchildren, you know our number."


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

She will be ex mother in law as of Sep 20, maybe I should wait until then to send that note. That's the date when the divorce becomes official. However son and I are in Canada already. Speaking of the OW, through FB I just found out a better photo of the OW since when I confronted them it was dark and I did not really focus on her at the time. Ok I am no Victoria Secret model either but this woman is just butt ugly. Don't know why but my self esteem got really high right now.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, but I am stubborn. I would send it now.


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

So the end is almost here. Today as of 4pm I will be a divorced woman. Last night I met the now ex husband of the OW. Seems like a nice down to earth guy. I showed him the proof that I had of the affair and he told me some other things he had found and few more details about his wife. One of the details he told me I actually got to confirm it. My husband was in Orlando in Oct 2009 on business which I was aware of. Aparently his wife was there along with my H executive assistant who also does some marketing stuff(there was a trade show there at the time). So my husband charterd a private plane to fly the two of them to Miami to see an NFL game on the monday night. The company was really scrutinizing expenses at that time so I doubt that they would have agreed to an expense like that. So when I came back to my hotel room I check the credit card statement on our JOINT credit card(he sometimes charged flights on the card) and there I find the $4442 charge of a Florida based charter company and right after that a $72.00 charge at Miami Dolphin stadium. I am not a NFL fan but that 72.00 sounds more like price for two tickets rather than 3. She told her now ex H about this herself that her boss flew her and the other girl to see the game.

He also confirmed that she loves finer things in life. Apparently she would not even shop at Sam's club because you know that is for the low life people. So she loves finer things in life even though she is not capable of getting them herself. She even had to deal with bankcruptcy in the past(which I also saw on her background report). She wanted their son to apply at universities like Stamford, MIT, and other fancy schools(clearly out of their financial range) even though there are two great universities in a 10 mile radius from their house. She pulled the kids out of school to homeschool them even though were they lived it was a good school district(H and I also considered to buy a house there at one time)

Maybe I should consider myself lucky to be getting a divorce. My husband certainly picked himself a winner.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

{{{nrtq}}} You have MUCH better days ahead, hon. I know it. You're going to find a partner who can't believe his luck in catching you.

For one final hurrah, I'd ask your lawyer to go back to court to get him to repay you for that $4000.

You ARE lucky to be free of that.

*hugs*


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Don't worry turnera I just came back from a shopping trip on the joint credit card. I did not spend anywhere near those 4K but if he says something about it I will just remind him of his private trip. And if he was that stupid to expense that through work then he is no different than Jerry Springer. My God when are people going to learn that when you have an affair don't leave a paper trail.


----------



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

You are good to be rid of him! Good for you on the shopping trip!hehe! I would have gotten anything me and my son might be needing in the future just to save yourself a couple of bucks!
I think when reality hits him, he is going to be in a world of hurt! Let him be and just know that you have kept your dignity through all of this and it will be a great day for you when he realizes his mistake.
I know the road seems mighty lonely right now, but someone is going to snatch you up and treat you for the person you are. Look at the ex as one of the frogs you had to kiss to get to that prince.stay strongand I wish you all the blessings God will provide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Thanks everyone. They suggested at my lawyer's office that I become private detective after I told them how I busted his affair. Hm time for career change maybe?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You could become Canada's first Wayward Husband Busting PI!


----------



## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Well it is over so I am moving my posts to the Divorced forum. H was late for court which means more money to pay to my lawyer. I told him I will be putting the hotel charge to the joint credit card and that I bought few things for son and I(clothes mostly). He does not seem to have a problem.

As part of our agreement made on Aug 4 he was supposed to get enough of life insurance policy to cover for my alimony and child support, he was supposed to transfer 200,000 Hilton points to my account, he was supposed to get a cell phone for his mother and teach her how to use it, he was supposed to teach her how to use the Epipen for son in case he has shock when he is in her care.


Well the insurance policy was bought on Friday SEp 17 in the afternoon, the points are not transferred yet but he just emailed me to ask me about my account number, apparently I "misunderstood" but he did show his mom how to use the Epipen, and he is going to give her his canadian cell phone for her to use.

To that last one I replied that I need to see that she really knows how to operate the phone.

And he did not say a "boo" about my shopping. And he even waived and smiled at me. Wow how some people change.

Oh and the H of the OW sent me a picture of the envelope he found in his garbage in March. It had a smiley face on it and two thongs one of which had hand painted the name of the company where she works(she works for a company that supplies the US military). I guess he brought this up in one of their meetings during the collaborative divorce and she did not know what to say. But I am not surprised at finding any kind of lingerie in an affair. That's almost given.


----------

