# Just found out I'm pregnant



## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

This came as a surprise to both and my husband. I am 18 and a baby is not what I wanted at this time in my life. But, we have decided not to abort or give our baby up for adoption. My husband has a stable job. I am not worried financially. But still worried it is going to be hard. 
Anyway, my husband says he is excited, and I believe him. However he says he doesn't really want to go with me to ultrasounds and other baby related dr appointments. I dont really know how to approach him. 
Have any of you men felt this way? How am I supposed to talk to him about this? He knows it is really important to me that we go together but he doesnt seem that interested. Should I just accept that he wont be there?
This might seem silly, but I am a hormonal, pregnant, teenager. Advice please!


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

You're both totally freaked out right now. It's very important NOT see things in each that probably aren't there. 

His problem with 'baby related' stuff is a guy who just found out he's going to be a Dad. Extremely scary sh*t. Don't assume that he doesn't want to be a Dad, he just needs to get his head round it. You may well find that once he does he'll be annoyingly EVERYWHERE in regards the baby stuff! 

But talk to each other. Openly, honestly. Don't let anything be stored up inside so it gets toxic. Now is the time when you need each other more than ever.

And Congrats... Mom.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Congratulations? You should join cafe mom (cafemom.com). It will be very helpful.

My H was often out of town for my appointments. He did make 3 or 4 of them plus the sonograms. After the initial appointments they become so routine that you may feel like you are okay with going alone.

He did go to the few prenatal appointments with the doula. You should look into getting a doula. Best pregnancy decision we made.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> Our marriage started out great, But then the fights began. We fight every week or two. Huge fights. It is always my fault. I keep forgetting little things to do around the house like make sure his clothes for work are ironed or pick up the scrap of paper he dropped under the bed the other day. He feels like I dont really want to learn to be a better housewife and I am not really open to change. I have found his family very different to mine and I am struggling to fit in and still feel very awkard. He says he always imagined his wife being so ambitious and doing so many different things. I used to want to be a writer, a therapist of some sort, a mother, a housewife and study my religion properly and maybe even become more religious. I am not sure what happened but I dont really have ambitions anymore. I just dont really want to do much in life other than what is neccessary in my home like cooking and cleaning and laundry and then I just want to relax with some tv or my phone. He loathes that.





MysticTeenager said:


> I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for him but he reassures me and says that he sees my efforts and appreciates them and I can be like them and better.
> 
> 
> ...he is still in love with me despite him saying he feels like marrying me was a mistake





MysticTeenager said:


> he doesn't really want to go with me to ultrasounds and other baby related dr appointments.


My advice? Revisit the abortion/adoption decision.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Thank you! He has been very supportive and is dealing well with my emotional melt downs and me being a little dramatic. I have seen him with his sisters and how if they come to stay over at his parents house, he will keep the baby so she can get some sleep, plays with kids...etc so I know he will be helpful and supportive. I think I have gotten over the shock and I am excited. He said he was excited from the start, then got a little confused, then is excited again. I just felt so offended he didnt want to go to our first scan at the end of next week. But I also cried for like 10 minutes when I asked where will we put the baby's crib and he just gave me a passive answer and then I later realised he is a man and isnt interested in the whole organising furniture and decoarting. So just wanted to see what people would say as I clearly cant think straight right now.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> My advice? Revisit the abortion/adoption decision.


No, I dont believe in abortion. No way. 
I just want to say that we were both immature and seemed to have to fight about everything. We have calmed down a lot and got over the whole newlyweds lets make a huge fight out of everything. He has stopped critising. We are at a great place in our marriage. Things have definitely gotten better. We can both talk without getting offended and actually listen to eachother.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> But I also cried for like 10 minutes when I asked where will we put the baby's crib and he just gave me a passive answer and then I later realised he is a man and isnt interested in the whole organising furniture and decoarting.


Maybe I gave you bad advice. If you can continue making excuses for his insensitivity for say, oh...I don't know...the next 20 years or so you just might make it.

Good luck to you.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Maybe I gave you bad advice. If you can continue making excuses for his insensitivity for say, oh...I don't know...the next 20 years or so you just might make it.
> 
> Good luck to you.


He isnt insensitive. He held me while I cried for ages over nothing.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> I just want to say that we were both immature and seemed to have to fight about everything. We have calmed down a lot and got over the whole newlyweds lets make a huge fight out of everything. He has stopped critising. We are at a great place in our marriage. Things have definitely gotten better. We can both talk without getting offended and actually listen to eachother.


Oh. AGAIN my bad. I see that thread I quoted from was almost TWO WEEKS OLD. Of course you've grown and matured and no longer have those issues. Silly me. 

I have NO CLUE what's going on in your life. OF COURSE I'll butt out now.

Again, good luck.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> OF COURSE I'll butt out now.


No I won't. You married too young and your marriage is not as good as you think. Your husband is an insensitive ass. DO NOT bring a child into this mess. I BEG you.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

maybe we are immature and maybe my marriage isnt that great to you. But to me, I am happy right now and so is my husband. We do fight. We overreact. I complain about it. And two weeks ago, when I posted about that, I was just pregnant but I didnt know it, I was miserable and felt depressed and just thought about all the crappy things. I got over that and dont feel so depressed anymore. 
I am not here to ask people whether I should have this baby or not, thank you very much. If you cant give advice or your thought on why he doesnt feel like attending the ultrasounds with me, then please leave.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Macho, I see your point, most of us on TAM see your point, but this is a CHILD you are talking to. ALL of us "knew it all" at 18. 

Miss Mystic, I had my first child when I was still a child as well. I was 17 when I got pregnant, had him at 18. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it sucks at times. But ya know what? It's also pretty awesome. 

TRY YOUR BEST to not let your husband's attitudes and emotions effect you. Right now you need to try and remain as CALM as possible for that wee one inside of you. Yes, hormones will try to kick your butt, but since you realize that it's just hormones doing it, force your brain to take over and try to look at things logically. (It can be done, I have to do it myself every month or so.  )

The fact that your H is ALSO still a child means all 3 of you will be growing up a LOT in the recent years to come. And that's ok. One day you will be 35, looking into the face of your nearly 18 year old child and giggle at your 18 year old self. Mentally "slap" the crap outta her, wish you could go back and TELL HER IT WILL ALL BE OK! 

Just relax, enjoy pregnancy and getting ready for your baby. Whether your H is as involved as you are or not.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> No I won't. You married too young and your marriage is not as good as you think. Your husband is an insensitive ass. DO NOT bring a child into this mess. I BEG you.


Didn't we all learn some things the hard way, MM? Don't we all know people over 40 who are still protecting/making excuses for their spouses?

Doesn't everyone have to come to these things on their own? Can it ever really be rushed?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MT, you will grow a lot from this experience. 

Children are a gift. I wish you the very best with your pregnancy, your marriage, and with child-rearing.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Congratulations!

IMO, let go of him coming to the prenatal appointments. 

However, he should not skip the 20 week sonogram or the birth. Those will make this real for him and encourage bonding with the child.

My DIL had a "gender reveal" party after the sonogram. Of course the daddy should be at the sonogram and be the first to know whether he's having a son or daughter (if you are choosing to find that out). I got to attend the sonogram of my second grandson. Your H would be a fool to miss it!


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Oh and ask your doc which appt. Your H should come to the one where you first get to hear the baby's heartbeat


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Speaking as a guy... For some of us, especially for first kids, it doesn't become "real" until later in the pregnancy. We obviously can't feel the new if growing, we don't have the hormones, etc. So encourage him to attend the appointments. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound are big steps. Look for the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" 

Good luck! 

C


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Congrats. Always an upside that by the time the kiddo is gone you will still be in the prime of your life. 

I wouldn't sweat the lack of response by the husband. We sometimes take a little longer to process things. If he is a good dude I'm sure he will come around.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Congratulations!!!

Lucky for me, I had a very uneventful pregnancy - no problems at all. Most of my doctor appointments were very boring, all they did was weigh me & listen to the heart beat. I never made my husband go to those appointments, they lasted about 15 - 30 minutes at the most. The only appointments my husband went to were the ultrasound, my gestational diabetes testing (because you have to sit there for 3 hours & I needed someone to shoot the breeze with), & my first internal exam. I just didn't see the need to drag my husband to every appointment. But if it is important to you, have a talk with him about it. As your pregnancy progresses you will start having more frequent appointments, so your husband may not want to take off from work for all of them. Maybe your MIL can come with you to some of them & it can be a bonding moment for the both of you.


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## rguidry87 (Oct 15, 2014)

Congratulations! I got pregnant with my now 7 year old daughter when i was 20..had her at 21!! i was terrified because i always said i never wanted children! GREATEST blessing ever! you look past every obstacle that will get thrown your way because you will have the most unconditional love you have ever experienced in your life!! i now have a 1 year old son as well and my children are the light of my life. they have chamged me for the best and i devote everything to them! best of luck to you!!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

MT, be the best and most loving mother a child ever knew. 

That's my best advice.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

You're 18, pregnant and posting on a marriage advice site. I'm married to the woman I have loved for over forty-three years, retired, comfortable financially and travel over six months each year. I have no doubt my wife and I would trade places with you in a heart beat except that we wouldn't do that to you.

I try to never give advice but I can offer some suggestions. 

Don't let others, particularly strangers tell you what to do. You know right from wrong, smart from stupid and good from bad so always try to do good, right and smart things and your life should be, barring accidents, successful. If you do make a wrong, stupid or bad choice the worst thing you can do is to keep making it.

Enjoy your children. There is an old saying, "a parent is only as happy as their saddest child". Your approval, attention and love will be the best guarantee they will be happy and successful.

Never hesitate to have physical contact with your husband. I'm not just referring to being intimate with him. When you pass by him in the kitchen give him a caress. When he shows you something on his phone or tablet get very close to him. I still to this day wake up at night and find that my wife and I are holding hands.

Store and make as many good and happy memories as you possibly can. They will be the best way to travel over the bumpy times that will inevitably come your way.

I wouldn't give him grief if he can't come to every doctor visit but for his sake you should engourage him to come to see the sonograms, especially if he is interested in your baby's gender.

I can think of nothing more to offer you than good luck to you and yours,

Seasalt


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Congratulations!

Perhaps it isn't common in his culture for men to attend appointments and he's afraid of his family's reaction? If that's not the case, maybe he's just not ready yet and will change his mind as your pregnancy progresses.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Have you discussed what this does to your plans to go to school? You can still do that, you know.

Have you discussed what this does to your plans to try to move back to the UK? You can still do that, but I think it will be even harder to pry him away from his family set-up in Algeria. You'll likely get even more deeply entrenched with living with his mother. 

If your doctor is the same one who told you pain during sex is normal because your muscles haven't loosened up, find a new doctor for your pre-natal care and delivery. The one you have doesn't seem all that bright or all that interested in working with you to make sure you aren't in pain during sex.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> He isnt insensitive. He held me while I cried for ages over nothing.


that simply makes him human


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Howdy Mystic,*

Just to give you some context here. We had our first when I was 40 and our second when I was 43!

In some ways you two will have a far tougher row to hoe than Ms. Spin and I, in other ways our path is more difficult.

It doesn’t matter, good people rise to the occasion – and you both will!

I agree with other Dads who’ve replied. The initial stages of the pregnancy are surreal for the man – nothing has really changed yet but you know it has.

I do think however, it best to have the Old Man involved in the process at the front end i.e., going to the Doctor and etc. It’ll make the back end a whole lot smoother because he’ll have a working relationship with the Doctor and if, God forbid, something happens (and that is precisely what happened with our first – had to go into an emergency surgery scenario with both Ms. Spin and the Little Unit) it’ll make the decisions he’ll have to make in that scenario a whole lot easier and a whole lot more thought out.

I’d recommend your telling your man as much as what I’ve just said and that advice is coming from a man who’s been there.

Aside from that that, my only other advice is two-fold: (1) There is a book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” – get it. (2) babycenter.com has some really good discussion boards for Moms and Dads too. Utilize them.

*Warm regards,

- Spin*


_*P.S.* My signature line below, that was some sage advice given to me by a very wise old man when we were pregnant with our first. Write it down, share it with your husband. Contemplate it and live by it. As time has gone by in my family’s lives, its wisdom has meant more and more to me.

It is, the fundamental ingredient to good parenting IMHO.
_


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

I may have missed it in the thread... but...

did you ask him why he doesn't want to go with you to the appointments?

if so, what was his response?

if not, why don't you ask him?


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

norajane said:


> Have you discussed what this does to your plans to go to school? You can still do that, you know.
> 
> Have you discussed what this does to your plans to try to move back to the UK? You can still do that, but I think it will be even harder to pry him away from his family set-up in Algeria. You'll likely get even more deeply entrenched with living with his mother.
> 
> If your doctor is the same one who told you pain during sex is normal because your muscles haven't loosened up, find a new doctor for your pre-natal care and delivery. The one you have doesn't seem all that bright or all that interested in working with you to make sure you aren't in pain during sex.


Yes, this soesnt change anything about those plans. It will be harder. But I am currently homeschooled and will continue that, then I will enroll at university and we will get a babysitter or juggle some family members who would be willing to help out with the baby. 

We still plan on traveling in June. I will give birth in the uk because I feel more comfortable with the health care there and I have heard way too many birthing horror stories in hospitals here. And the baby wont really effect how long we stay especially as I will be close to my parents who are so exciting and will definitely be there for help when needed..

And I certainly dont plan on going bacj to her! I have found a new obgyn who seems to be better trained and speaks english which is great because I am more comrtable discussing things in english and a lot of people I know have recommended her so I think I will pay her a visit and see if I like her.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Methuselah said:


> I may have missed it in the thread... but...
> 
> did you ask him why he doesn't want to go with you to the appointments?
> 
> ...


He said he just doesnt want to. 

I have told him I will let him off but he must come to the gender ultrasound where our baby will actually look like a baby and no just a round bean and he agreed. So I guess he is slowly coming around to it.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Congratulations!

I hated getting fat.

And morning sickness.

And being tired all the time.

And bladder issues.

And feet swelling.

And...

Maybe I should stop...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> No I won't. You married too young and your marriage is not as good as you think. Your husband is an insensitive ass. DO NOT bring a child into this mess. I BEG you.


Good freakin lord! You would have advised my mom to abort me. Glad she didn't listen because there were many telling her what you would have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Willa (Sep 9, 2014)

A child changes you. It's so scary and my husband was really distant about baby stuff too. But once the Baby was her oh boy was he ready to help.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Thank you all so much. Some of your comments made me tear up a little. Especially your post, Seasalt. Thank you! 
We are excited as we are nervous. He is slowly coming around already and I can see he will be a great father. 
I guess I understand how he feels, because now, apart from lots of stomach cramps, I dont feel any different and it is kind of surreal. 
I will be quiet now, as this is a marriage forum, not a pregnancy one. But again, thank you all for your support and kind words!


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

You're a good kiddo. You will be great!


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## tascam (Sep 26, 2008)

MachoMcCoy said:


> No I won't. You married too young and your marriage is not as good as you think. Your husband is an insensitive ass. DO NOT bring a child into this mess. I BEG you.


It's always the man's fault? Maybe the problem is the little immature teen girl with her constant emotional outbursts is too much trouble for anyone to deal with. Kindly keep your man bashing to yourself!!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Congratulations and stay in shape. Makes a lot of things easier later on  

He needs to come to ALL the appointments IMHO .


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening MachoMcCoy
I've been trying to figure out how to respond to this thread. Having a child is such a deeply personal thing. If she were not already pregnant I would completely agree with you post. 





MachoMcCoy said:


> No I won't. You married too young and your marriage is not as good as you think. Your husband is an insensitive ass. DO NOT bring a child into this mess. I BEG you.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> . . . . I will be quiet now, as this is a marriage forum, not a pregnancy one. But again, thank you all for your support and kind words!


Oh I don’t know. Pregnancy is an important time in a marriage and this is a good place to find people who care about that.

Of course, as with any discussion board, some advice and commentary is worth exactly what you paid for it i.e., NOTHING.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

When my W and I first found out she was pregnant I was taken aback, kind of nervous and then thought what a life changer this was. My mind raced with being able to financially carrying the entire family. Over a short time the excitement grew. I attended the doctors visits. Read all the books with my W. Basically being a part of the entire pregnancy process..well..up to the point of actual birth. I was in the room but the rest was up to my W. Amazing thing what a woman's body can do. 

Anyway, you said financially you are set. That is one huge thing out of the way. I think eventually the reality will set in with you H. He will go to doctor visits. Help with the babies room(paint, etc).


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> maybe we are immature and maybe my marriage isnt that great to you. But to me, I am happy right now and so is my husband. We do fight. We overreact. I complain about it. And two weeks ago, when I posted about that, I was just pregnant but I didnt know it, I was miserable and felt depressed and just thought about all the crappy things. I got over that and dont feel so depressed anymore.
> I am not here to ask people whether I should have this baby or not, thank you very much. If you cant give advice or your thought on why he doesnt feel like attending the ultrasounds with me, then please leave.


A child will often make both in a marriage mature fast. Let's face it. Your 18. This is a great unknown for both of you. 


Let's put it this way....the day we took our daughter home from the hospital(day after birth) my W was in the back seat with her. She started to cry and cry. I asked what was wrong. She answered, "I just do not know what to do." Meaning how to care for a child. She was 21 at the time. We figured it out. You will to. That little girl we brought home is now 19, in college and holds a part time job. Just purchased her first brand new car. We also have a 16 year old. 

So again, great unknown. Your H needs to get a grip and be part of the process. After all, he was part of the process that got you here.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

While having a child at an early age can be tough financially, let me tell you you're NEVER really "ready". And starting a family at your age in my opinion has some very real advantages. You will have a lot more energy to keep up with kids, vs waiting another 10-15 years, and think about this--by the time your child is 18 and moving out--you're only going to be 36. 36!!! You will literally be in the prime of your life still with your child rearing done.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening MachoMcCoy
> I've been trying to figure out how to respond to this thread. Having a child is such a deeply personal thing. If she were not already pregnant I would completely agree with you post.


To you and the other poster accusing me of wanting HIM aborted:

SHE brought up potential adoption earlier. That fits in with the post you are criticising and it negates the other sensationalist post. I'D go with abortion, she still has adoption as an option. Either way, she cannot bring a child into this mess.

And as long as I'd defending myself, to the guy with 8 posts in 6 years, I NEVER blamed this mess on the man. Actually, if you read the entire thread, you'll see I started out by blatantly accusing HER of the problems. In the post you took offense to, my point was she was too young for all of this and to get out. Her husband being an ass...sorry, I realize that was two whole weeks ago...was just the biggest other reason for leaving I could come up with.

Sorry, OP. I tried to stay out. You'll notice MANY posts criticizing me. I stayed out after reading all of them. This one was the last straw.

I'm glad you have so many supporters here. Listen to their advice. And brace yourself for the future. Life just got real. You think it was before? You ain't seen nothin' yet.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'd also REALLY encourage your husband to go to the ultrasounds. It's really an incredible experience, seeing your child on that screen. If he absolutely won't go, try to get the first one recorded. Many ultrasound places will do that for you, so ask around before you make your appointment. Then show him the video. If he's not moved by that, he's got icewater in his veins.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Totally with Fozzy on this one! Congratulations!!!&#55357;&#56842;&#55357;&#56842;&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> Anyway, my husband says he is excited, and I believe him. However he says he doesn't really want to go with me to ultrasounds and other baby related dr appointments. I dont really know how to approach him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Woe hold up there Mach. I love kids, have three, and would have liked to have ten more. But going to the doc to see ultrasounds was something I never liked and would avoid if given the opportunity.

All I'm saying is that she shouldn't read him not caring about the ultrasound visits to mean anything at all.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> To you and the other poster accusing me of wanting HIM aborted:
> 
> SHE brought up potential adoption earlier. That fits in with the post you are criticising and it negates the other sensationalist post. I'D go with abortion, she still has adoption as an option. Either way, she cannot bring a child into this mess.
> 
> ...


That other guy is special. But you through abortion out there fast and hard. My mom was single and 16. You saying you would've told her something different if she posted? I am very glad, obviously, that my mother ignored all the abortion advice she got and she got pushed pretty hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If you can fit it in your budget, also look into 3d-ultrasounds. Most of the time they're considered optional, so you may have trouble getting insurance to pick it up, but maybe save up a little scratch and schedule one for late term. Getting a sneak peek at your kid's actual face is a blast.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Congrats on your pregnancy. 

If you want to, really look into an open adoption. You can still be apart of the baby's life, but you won't have all of the stress of raising him or her and can have a baby later on when you are in a better place in your life. I have a cousin(19 at the time) who chose this route and she is very happy with that choice. Adoption is not easy, but it was a selfless thing to do for her daughter. 

Otherwise, I do hope you take the next several months to really work on your marriage because a baby will put a lot more stress/pressure on your relationship. A colicky baby, sleep deprivation, and so on can give even the strongest couple a run for their money. Take the time now to "baby proof" your marriage, becoming a stronger couple. Read up what to expect and research how you will want to parent, health decisions you'll have to make, etc. You have a lot of growing up to do and it will all happen very quickly when you become a parent. 

I also think it's important for your husband to be at the doctor's appointments. My husband was there for all except one appointment and loved being there.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

:iagree:

Children are the crucible of marriage.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm bias so take that into consideration. To me children are blessings. Are they difficult and time consuming and stressful and scary? Yes they are. Do I regret having mine? Never; not even once. Now the grandchildren just amplify the blessing. I see my children in their baby's eyes and I see myself in my children's eyes. Like I say though, I'm biased because I always knew I wanted kids, grandkids, great grandkids, etc.

I hope you do the right think for you Mystic and it's something you look back on years from now with relief. From my experience, very few regret having kids but many live with guilt and trama for aborting later on. Guilt that they never thought they'd have when making the choice.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> While having a child at an early age can be tough financially, let me tell you you're NEVER really "ready". And starting a family at your age in my opinion has some very real advantages. You will have a lot more energy to keep up with kids, vs waiting another 10-15 years, and think about this--by the time your child is 18 and moving out--you're only going to be 36. 36!!! You will literally be in the prime of your life still with your child rearing done.


Yep...it is awesome truth be told. Our kids are at the age were my W and I can just head on out to do what we want. We have not reached our 50's yet. We love our kids dearly but we also love our new found freedom. In a sense, reconnected at a different level.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

A couple of the nurses at my wife's ObGyn practice were awesome looking  not to mention Lamaze class    and getting signed up for all kinds of free krap (diapers toys etc etc)...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> I'm glad you have so many supporters here. Listen to their advice. And brace yourself for the future. Life just got real. You think it was before? You ain't seen nothin' yet.


I detect a bad experience here being projected. There is plenty in life that is a mess. Did not stop anyone from cleaning it up and making sense of it. How about affording the opportunity in this case? Should babies be aborted or left for adoption if the marriage is not 100% neat and tidy? Find me a neat and tidy marriage. I'll show you a bridge for sale.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I just want to say that we were both immature and seemed to have to fight about everything. We have calmed down a lot and got over the whole newlyweds lets make a huge fight out of everything. He has stopped critising. We are at a great place in our marriage. Things have definitely gotten better


1 1/2 weeks ago you started a thread about how your marriage is on the rocks because you have huge fights about everything and you're not motivated to do anything around the house.



MysticTeenager said:


> Our marriage started out great, But then the fights began. We fight every week or two. Huge fights.
> 
> I just dont really want to do much in life other than what is neccessary in my home like cooking and cleaning and laundry and then I just want to relax with some tv or my phone. He loathes that.


You're now going to bring a BABY into this?

Probably the biggest mistake you'll ever make.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Yes.... The child might grow up and start posting on TAM!!!!!

GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> 1 1/2 weeks ago you started a thread about how your marriage is on the rocks because you have huge fights about everything and you're not motivated to do anything around the house.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lenzi,

She stated things got better in the quote of hers you posted. 

The second quote of hers you posted states she just wants to basically tend the house then relax with the TV. Her H apparently hates that. So, H will need to adjust his feelings about that.

Sorry man, I don't see a crisis situation here. 

From the two quotes I do not see any issue introducing a child into the picture. But hey, that is just me who went through this at a very young age. Took some growing up and learning but it has worked for 20 years and will continue to do so.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Yes.... The child might grow up and start posting on TAM!!!!!
> 
> GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The biggest mistake of my life was eating bratwurst and sauerkraut and then a bunch of Halloween candy!&#55357;&#56862;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> The biggest mistake of my life was eating bratwurst are sauerkraut and then a bunch of Halloween candy!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mine was brussel sprouts.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Mine was brussel sprouts.


Ooh! I actually like those. But not with candy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> If you can fit it in your budget, also look into 3d-ultrasounds. Most of the time they're considered optional, so you may have trouble getting insurance to pick it up, but maybe save up a little scratch and schedule one for late term. Getting a sneak peek at your kid's actual face is a blast.


Agree, but if money is tight not necessary. But for our first (I think we had to pay $40-50 out of pocket) they put the thing on a video tape and for our second they put screen shots on a CD. The little Spin Units still love to watch those. 

One “advantage” of being older is cash flows tend to be a little larger. But then again you buy more things that aren’t necessary. 

I will say however, that a Diaper Genie is definitely worth the money!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Lenzi,
> 
> She stated things got better in the quote of hers you posted.


She posted her marriage is on the rocks and they have huge fights all the time, and now.. it got better.. in 10 days??

That's a bit too soon to determine if there's really any improvement, don't you think?



Yeswecan said:


> The second quote of hers you posted states she just wants to basically tend the house then relax with the TV. Her H apparently hates that. So, H will need to adjust his feelings about that.


Yeah that pesky husband and his feelings.

I guess it's not an issue that raising a child will significantly impact her ability to sit around all day and watch tv and play on her phone, which is all she really wants to do.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> The biggest mistake of my life was eating bratwurst and sauerkraut and then a bunch of Halloween candy!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mix Wine, escargot, mussel, Ale, and french fries my friend. The bratwurst, sauerkraut and candy is child's play compared to the havoc your body will unleash on you with the above.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> She posted her marriage is on the rocks and they have huge fights all the time, and now.. it got better.. in 10 days??
> 
> That's a bit too soon to determine if there's really any improvement, don't you think?
> 
> ...


Well yes, most times a good sit down to hash it out lifts the black cloud over a union. More often than not the issued is cleared up. People move on. That part of marital issue is now put to rest. Things are better. 

Yes, pesky H needs to change his feelings. He also needs to learn to be a H, father and lead the household. For some reason everyone has thrown the OP under the bus. Take two to tango. 

And again...you took her post WAY out of context. She likes to keep house then relax in front of the TV. It is called being a housewife/mom or what you like. When the house work is done(which is never) she can relax with the TV/phone, no? You perceive it as lazy I guess.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You had me at the snails! True story? Pretty awesome in the dude scale!&#55357;&#56841;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Woe hold up there Mach. I love kids, have three, and would have liked to have ten more. But going to the doc to see ultrasounds was something I never liked and would avoid if given the opportunity.
> All I'm saying is that she shouldn't read him not caring about the ultrasound visits to mean anything at all.


Appreciate the sentiment Thundar, however in many respects the real “so what” of participating is to have a good 1:1 with the OB. 

For us, after Ms. Spin “flatlined” a number of times and Little Unit No. 1’s vitals were looking grim, ol’ Doc. Seamen (and yes that was his honest to God name) said “Let’s go get a cup-a’ coffee Spin and I’ll tell ya’ what we’re going to have to do here in the next 45 minutes.”

That “simpatico” and trust we already had from the periodic visits really helped me and I think it helped Ms. Spin too.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Ooh! I actually like those. But not with candy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> And again...you took her post WAY out of context. She likes to keep house then relax in front of the TV. It is called being a housewife/mom or what you like. When the house work is done(which is never) she can relax with the TV/phone, no? You perceive it as lazy I guess.


I perceive it as her clearly stating that she doesn't want to do much in life other than what is necessary in her home.



MysticTeenager said:


> I just dont really want to do much in life other than what is neccessary in my home like cooking and cleaning and laundry and then I just want to relax with some tv or my phone. He loathes that.


That doesn't seem to be a healthy mindset to raise a child. Having a child will significantly increase her workload. Not the best course of action for a girl who has specifically stated that she just wants to relax with her tv and phone after doing just what's necessary. Her husband loathes her sitting around on her tv and phone, I can only imagine what he's thinking now that she's going to have to care for a child.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Mystic, whatever you decide to do, just try to know the consequences. Those (like me) saying children are awesome and worth every second are not going to be raising your son or daughter. And those saying not to bring a child into a messy world aren't going to be the ones living with your emotional scars from it.

Raising children is hard work. Living with aborting a child almost always leaves scars that don't heal. So yes as others have said, life is getting real no matter your choice.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Mystic, whatever you decide to do, just try to know the consequences. Those (like me) saying children are awesome and worth every second are not going to be raising your son or daughter. And those saying not to bring a child into a messy world aren't going to be the ones living with your emotional scars from it.
> 
> Raising children is hard work. Living with aborting a child almost always leaves scars that don't heal. So yes as others have said, life is getting real no matter your choice.



Yes, life is getting real. Got real for us after our first child. One meal that was scheduled weekly was Hamburger Help. You can do a crap load with an egg. Peanut butter is full of protein and a jar can go a long way.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> You had me at the snails! True story? Pretty awesome in the dude scale!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes true story and I had to work the next day. No choice about it as I was in France on company time and things had to be wrapped up that last day. But I didn't eat two days after that night. Served me right for trying to keep up with a guy named Michelle


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> I perceive it as her clearly stating that she doesn't want to do much in life other than what is necessary in her home.
> 
> *What is wrong with that? Jet setting is not her thing. So what.*
> 
> That doesn't seem to be a healthy mindset to raise a child. Having a child will significantly increase her workload. Not the best course of action for a girl who has specifically stated that she just wants to relax with her tv and phone after doing just what's necessary. Her husband loathes her sitting around on her tv and phone, I can only imagine what he's thinking now that she's going to have to care for a child. * If we did everything based on workload we would probably not get out of bed in the morning. And who gives a rats arse what you H thinks now? He should have thought of that before making a baby with her. Welcome to his new responsibility.*


As far as the phone....is it ok if she posts on FB some pics of the new born? Or is that too much playing around not doing sh!t?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Appreciate the sentiment Thundar, however in many respects the real “so what” of participating is to have a good 1:1 with the OB.


I was young like Mystic and her husband and really just didn't understand the importance of it (I was 20, 21, 23 when my kids were born). Maybe her hubby doesn't get it either. I don't know if my wife knew that I had no interest in being there for OB visits. I went to them but I remember specifically wishing I wasn't there and not really knowing why she made sure I was included in going.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> I was young like Mystic and her husband and really just didn't understand the importance of it (I was 20, 21, 23 when my kids were born). Maybe her hubby doesn't get it either. I don't know if my wife knew that I had no interest in being there for OB visits. I went to them but I remember specifically wishing I wasn't there and not really knowing why she made sure I was included in going.


My W was 21 for our 1st. We were only married 3 months before we got pregnant. Hell, we did not even live together before marriage. We had a Hell of a lot to learn and figure out when it came to the living together dynamics. Add in a kid for good measure!! We made it work. Our second child arrived 3 years later. None of our kids were planned. But I can say it was the best unplanned thing we have ever done.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Woah!
1. I talked about abortion and adoption so that people wouldnt suggest it and mistake my post as "I am pregnant, dont want the baby and dont know what to do with it!" We have both decided together that WE will raise our child TOGETHER, married or divorced. 

2. We do fight, and have issues with us not understanding eachother. But after my post "is my marriage on the rocks....." my husband and I had a discussion and he admitted that he was asking too much of me and that I am an 18 year old and he cant expect me to be as responsible as his mother who is a total clean freak and cant seem to ever sit down no matter how clean the house is. We havent had an argument since. He started to appreciate the efforts I make and I appreciate that he juggles work and university to eventually get a better job. We are still newlyweds and we didnt live with eachother before getting married so we have only lived together for six months (tomorrow!) and I think it is perfectly normal to have big fights and to find everything that we dislike about eachother that we never really noticed because we didnt live together!

3. I have always wanted to be a young mother. Growing up with 60 cousins and the eldest of 7 siblings, I love kids, and I know how much hard work they are especially with my little sister being three, I used to help my mother look after her esp during the nights when she needed sleep. I know, that doesnt compare to having your own kid, but I have had a little taste of babies and i dont live in some dream world.

4. I am a dramatic 18 year old who was super hormonal when I wrote that post. Yes, I have a lot of growing up to do. But it wont kill my baby to have a mum who is 18 instead of 35. And when I do think about it, there will be no perfect time for children. When I finish school, I will attend uni, then I plan to have a career as a therapist and work hard on that. Then, I would like to become a published author. And I would like to be able to retire early in some other country with a gorgeous beach. So really, I dont see a perfect time for kids. But I am happy. Plenty of younger SINGLE teenagers did this before me. I am married, my husband is an insured teacher. We both have super closeknit families who are over the moon and supportive.

I am excited, nervous. And I definitely want to pay for a 3D or 4D scan later in the pregnancy! I am excited for my first scan next week. And I am sure my husband will slowly warm up to the idea as he has already said he would like to be at the 4 month scan where we will get to know the gender. I will do lots of research and read lots and lots of books, and make the most of the next eight or seven months to get to know my husband better and build a better, stronger, relationship. Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, so excuse me for fighting with my husband so much the first few months.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Also, I see people in their late 40s, constantly on their phone to work, from work, at home, on the train/bus... So why do expect an 18 year old who does housework everyday, cooks homemade meals from scratch everyday and bakes something to have with coffee almost evryday and takes care of laundry almost everyday and then does her school work and wants to spend the rest of her time, reading her favourite book series, on her phone or laptop or watching tv? Or would it have been more convenient if I was into knitting or sewing?

I did/do think that I was maybe depressed with a lot that has happened in my life recently and how I didnt have much motivation to do things. And like I said, I am looking into therapy, and someone i know suggested nlp. So, I am taking control and shaking out of it. For example, tomorrow, I am going to a fund raiser with a few friends to change up my routine. Something I would have said no to instantly just last week as I hate going out and mixing with people.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> Also, I see people in their late 40s, constantly on their phone to work, from work, at home, on the train/bus... So why do expect an 18 year old who does housework everyday, cooks homemade meals from scratch everyday and bakes something to have with coffee almost evryday and takes care of laundry almost everyday and then does her school work and wants to spend the rest of her time, reading her favourite book series, on her phone or laptop or watching tv? Or would it have been more convenient if I was into knitting or sewing?


Look, my W is a SAHM. We wanted it that way. She does all household related things. Grocery, cook, clean, clothing, picks kids up at school(I drop them off in the morning). At the end of the day you know what she likes to do best? Lay in bed with me watching TV and playing on her phone. FB, Candy Crush...whatever. BFD! It's called relaxing. Some apparently see it as laziness. That is her down time. So what is the issue with the phone and TV after the day is done? Why none.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I get her. I do want to finish school to have a degree just in case. But after that, honestly, I dont want a big hot shot fancy career. I think I would be content being a stay at home mum and my husband the main provider. He likes the idea too.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MysticTeenager said:


> I get her. I do want to finish school to have a degree just in case. But after that, honestly, I dont want a big hot shot fancy career. I think I would be content being a stay at home mum and my husband the main provider. He likes the idea too.


My W finished high school. She wanted to be a SAHM. Sure, she works as a substitute teacher when needed by the school. She probably will work more as teacher once our kids our grown and on their own. Not really a career type deal. She never really wanted a fancy career. Being a W and raising kids. What you want out of life is not that odd after all.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> We are still newlyweds and we didnt live with eachother before getting married so we have only lived together for six months (tomorrow!) and I think it is perfectly normal to have big fights and to find everything that we dislike about eachother that we never really noticed because we didnt live together!


You've only been living together for 6 months, you have huge fights which you think are normal and now you're going to have a baby.

It's going to be a rather stressful time for the both of you.

Hopefully you will work out your differences and accept all the things you dislike about one another and cut the fighting to a minimum because it's not healthy for the pregnancy to be fighting and stressed out and it's not good for the baby to be in a household filled with strife.

Best of luck.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> You've only been living together for 6 months, you have huge fights which you think are normal and now you're going to have a baby.
> 
> It's going to be a rather stressful time for the both of you.
> 
> ...


My W and I were married 3 months and got pregnant. Never lived together either. We had a lot to learn. We managed. No reason this one will not manage either.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> My W and I were married 3 months and got pregnant. Never lived together either. We had a lot to learn. We managed. No reason this one will not manage either.


If she hadn't started the thread a week or so ago about how bad the current state her marriage is, then I'd be inclined to agree with you. 

When you got pregnant 3 months after moving in together, did you have huge fights twice per week and question whether getting married was a good idea? Her husband has TOLD her that he thinks marrying her may be a mistake and that she may be too young, and he isn't the least bit supportive of her pregnancy going so far as to tell her he won't be going to any of the doctor visits. That's BAD.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> If she hadn't started the thread a week or so ago about how bad the current state her marriage is, then I'd be inclined to agree with you.
> 
> When you got pregnant 3 months after moving in together, did you have huge fights twice per week and question whether getting married was a good idea? *Yes. My W got a lot of support from her mom in this area. I was just a dumb arse and did not know how to really be a H. * Her husband has TOLD her that he thinks marrying her may be a mistake and that she may be too young, *I thought this with my W at times.* and he isn't the least bit supportive of her pregnancy going so far as to tell her he won't be going to any of the doctor visits. *Dude, when my W said she was prego I was scared sh1tless. Going to the docs was not my cup of tea either. Seeing the sonograms was. To each their own. * That's BAD.


You know what my mom said when I told her that my W was pregnant? "Are you sure that is such a good idea?" WTF, can I return the kid if it is not such a good idea??? :rofl: My W and I had a whole bunch of things to work out. Specifically as we never lived together before marriage. The marriage did not start out great and has been work. Like most marriages. It takes work. We can only hope both put on their big person panties and grow up. There is a small life in the picture now.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> You know what my mom said when I told her that my W was pregnant? "Are you sure that is such a good idea?" WTF, can I return the kid if it is not such a good idea???


Your mom was gently pursuading you to consider abortion or adoption because she felt you weren't ready to raise children.

In this case the Op has made it clear that she's not interested in going that route. 

In which case I strongly suggest they do what they can to work out their problems before they're strapped down with the responsibility of raising a young child. 

I looked at some of the Ops other posts and threads. There's a lot of volatility here, there has even been the threat of physical violence. These things need to be addressed, not swept under the rug with the old excuse "That was a long time ago, it's all better now, I was depressed last week when I wrote all of that but not any more".


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Your mom was gently pursuading you to consider abortion or adoption because she felt you weren't ready to raise children.
> 
> *Dude..you are out of your figgin mind. My mother was not suggesting that at all. Abortion never entered her mind the 74 years I've known her. What an idiotic statement you made. She felt the marriage was young and financially we were not ready. But we proved her wrong. *
> 
> ...


Perhaps the hormonal imbalance of the new pregnancy made everything that much more dramatic and emotional. 

Try being supportive once. You might sleep better.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> You know what my mom said when I told her that my W was pregnant? "Are you sure that is such a good idea?"
> 
> 
> lenzi said:
> ...


Your mom felt you weren't ready to have a child because you were young and not yet financially stable. Ok, got it. So, if your mom wasn't suggesting you terminate the pregnancy or give the child up for adoption, then why would she say "are you sure it's a good idea to have a child"? It would be a pointless thing for her to say if she wasn't suggesting an alternate plan. 

It's like walking up to a guy bleeding to death in a car wreck and leaning in the window and stating "Maybe it would have been a better idea to walk".


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Your mom felt you weren't ready to have a child because you were young and not yet financially stable. Ok, got it. So, if your mom wasn't suggesting you terminate the pregnancy or give the child up for adoption, then why would she say "are you sure it's a good idea to have a child"? It would be a pointless thing for her to say if she wasn't suggesting an alternate plan.
> 
> It's like walking up to a guy bleeding to death in a car wreck and leaning in the window and stating "Maybe it would have been a better idea to walk".


sigh....gosh yes...that is exactly what my mother was thinking the split second after she received the news. You know what they say about assuming.


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## JennB (Mar 21, 2013)

How old is your husband? Sorry if this has been answered previously.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

How many ultrasounds did you all have? I think I only two each with my first and second pregnancy and my husband only went to the big one that reveals the gender. The 3rd pregnancy I had few more because it was high risk. He didn't go to any of the regular prenatal appointments. It was no big deal to me.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

In the USA at least you get one or two and if high risk (age etc) more. I can't speak for others but the ObGyn doctor sort of expected the father to be there. Towards the end it got to be weekly and at that point it was a bit too much. 

But you get to learn a lot especially for the first child. When we had our second it was a lot more "boring"


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> How many ultrasounds did you all have? I think I only two each with my first and second pregnancy and my husband only went to the big one that reveals the gender. The 3rd pregnancy I had few more because it was high risk. He didn't go to any of the regular prenatal appointments. It was no big deal to me.


I am only six weeks so I havent been to the doctor yet. I plan on going at 7 weeks. I was told 8 weeks but I cant wait another two weeks. I think people here go every month. I dont know if I will as people go to private doctors and I think if everything is fine it is a bit of a waste of money going every month when ya dont need it. I wanted him to come to our first ultrasound. But I dont think he will. He wants to go to the big gender reveal one. And unless we go for a 3D scan later on in the pregnancy, he wont come with me again. Not really sure tho.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Here depending on insurance and provider it's flat fee - for all prenatal care. There are extras like nutrition consultations, genetic screening, etc but for the most part it's all one price.

The crazy part begins at the hospital where all kinds of random bills tend to pile up. Took us six months to straighten things out.

Your provider will tell you what's needed in terms of frequency of visits, testing, etc. At least you won't have to worry about winter maternity clothes  but third trimester and hot weather isn't fun either.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I am only six weeks so I havent been to the doctor yet. I plan on going at 7 weeks. I was told 8 weeks but I cant wait another two weeks. I think people here go every month. I dont know if I will as people go to private doctors and I think if everything is fine it is a bit of a waste of money going every month when ya dont need it. I wanted him to come to our first ultrasound. But I dont think he will. He wants to go to the big gender reveal one. And unless we go for a 3D scan later on in the pregnancy, he wont come with me again. Not really sure tho.


I would ask the doctor what he or she recommend as for how many appointments to go to and absolutely follow that recommendation. In the beginning there are not that many appointments(around once a month), but as you get farther along the appointments become closer together(every 2 weeks, then every week). That is for the health and safety of you and your baby. A lot can go wrong, especially at the end. I ended up with low amniotic fluid and was induced, as my son was in distress(wasn't moving as much and cord kept getting compressed, affecting his oxygen levels/heart rate). I had a normal pregnancy up until that point, so we had no idea something like that would be an issue. If I didn't go to all appointments, we could have missed that issue. Don't think that because you're young, you won't have any issues with a pregnancy(I had my son at 23). 

I believe you can have your first appointment any time between 6 weeks and 8 weeks. They typically recommend 8 because all of it is a guess as to how far along you are based on your last period. Starting at 6 weeks, they can see the baby's heart beat so they know it's a viable pregnancy. That first ultrasound is a lot of fun and really makes things real as you get to see your baby. My husband loved being there for that one. I would really push him to be involved. You can also both look up info on pregnancy/prenatal care(babycenter.com would be a good one).


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I get her. I do want to finish school to have a degree just in case. But after that, honestly, I dont want a big hot shot fancy career. I think I would be content being a stay at home mum and my husband the main provider. He likes the idea too.


I also highly recommend getting a degree, even if you don't use it. The gained knowledge just from going to school will be a big bonus for you and your family. It's a good idea to have ambitions beyond just family life. 

I currently have a bachelor's degree, but I am a SAHM(for the most part, work part-time). I don't use my degree at the moment, but have absolutely no regrets on getting it. I really think I would have missed out if I didn't go to school. As my son and other baby we would like to have get older, I plan to go back to work using my degree in the medical field.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Congrats!!!

My wife and I were on the same boat.....almost 20 years ago.

Here is some advice/what we went thru.

NOBODY wanted the child.....my wife decided to keep it. No way in hell she was giving up on her child.

THANK GOD SHE IGNORED ME.

This child not only changed our lives, it SAVED our lives. Especially mine, based on where lot of my friends ended up....I would've been an addict, dead or in jail right now.

It forced me to get my ish together. Mind you, many guys were on the same boat as me...but decided to ditch the child/mother. 

It took me few years to fully understand and commit but I was always there for her and the child from the get go. 

Now we have 4 kids.

Best advice I can give you is:
- take it one day at a time (do NOT look at the big picture etc).
- take steps towards your future/education (even though you might be pregnant or a stay at home mother). Make it happen...cause you will have to either way, at some point. Sooner the better.
- Make sure you 2 (your boyfriend/you) are each others priority in life (not friends, hobbys etc etc). This is the key to the success of your relationship......and yes, child is 2nd on your priority list (even though it will feel like they are #1 for next few years). Do things together, spend time together......just be around each other.
- watch those closest to you (our friends have been the biggest obstacles in the success of our marriage). NOTE: we did have lots of crappy friends we had to filter out over the years.
- 0-5 years are THE BEST parenthood years. enjoy them, even though they are some of the hardest.

I can go on and on.......but I don't want to overwhelm you.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I think people here go every month. I dont know if I will as people go to private doctors and I think if everything is fine it is a bit of a waste of money going every month when ya dont need it.tho.


Yes of course it's a waste of money to go to the doctor every month because it's a waste of time. What do those silly doctors know anyway?

Maybe you can have your husband deliver the baby and save even more money!

That might be a way to get even with him for not going to the doctor with you.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Yes of course it's a waste of money to go to the doctor every month because it's a waste of time. What do those silly doctors know anyway?
> 
> Maybe you can have your husband deliver the baby and save even more money!
> 
> That might be a way to get even with him for not going to the doctor with you.


Lol, I love how you are so quick to get your knickers in a twist. 

I believe that the healthcare where I live really doesnt have much standard compared to my home country, England. And in England, you dont go to the doctor every month and neither do you get blood tests done everymonth if you have a smooth, risk free pregnancy. If I have a smooth pregnancy, I wont be doing the endless bloodtests they want and I wont be going to a doctor every month either. 
Now if the doctor is worried something might be wrong, then ofcourse, I will go as recommended. 
I am not obligated to go and take blood tests everymonth. So if you dont like my choices or approve of them, please kindly p*ss off.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Anonymous07 said:


> I would ask the doctor what he or she recommend as for how many appointments to go to and absolutely follow that recommendation. In the beginning there are not that many appointments(around once a month), but as you get farther along the appointments become closer together(every 2 weeks, then every week). That is for the health and safety of you and your baby. A lot can go wrong, especially at the end. I ended up with low amniotic fluid and was induced, as my son was in distress(wasn't moving as much and cord kept getting compressed, affecting his oxygen levels/heart rate). I had a normal pregnancy up until that point, so we had no idea something like that would be an issue. If I didn't go to all appointments, we could have missed that issue. Don't think that because you're young, you won't have any issues with a pregnancy(I had my son at 23).
> 
> I believe you can have your first appointment any time between 6 weeks and 8 weeks. They typically recommend 8 because all of it is a guess as to how far along you are based on your last period. Starting at 6 weeks, they can see the baby's heart beat so they know it's a viable pregnancy. That first ultrasound is a lot of fun and really makes things real as you get to see your baby. My husband loved being there for that one. I would really push him to be involved. You can also both look up info on pregnancy/prenatal care(babycenter.com would be a good one).


I will go for my first check up at 7 weeks. Then I will speak to my doctor about how often should I go for check ups and I probably will. I just dont understand how people here get blood tests every month and when she is three months pregnant, she gets a hugeeeeeeee list of tests for every possible thing you can ever think about and more despite no indication that there is anything wrong with the mother, baby or pregnancy. Women in the uk dont get that done, neither do they do it in other euro countries, so it cant be that necessary. 

I am very aware about the things that can go wrong in this pregnancy, and I am being careful, and will continue doing so.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Honey, please remember that what a doctor looks for at the beginning of a pregnancy that would cause worry is not what they look for at the middle or the end. There really is a reason to be monitored by a physician and your child deserves good pre-natal care. If you think its too expensive ask about a mid-wife, or PA.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

john117 said:


> Here depending on insurance and provider it's flat fee - for all prenatal care. There are extras like nutrition consultations, genetic screening, etc but for the most part it's all one price.
> 
> The crazy part begins at the hospital where all kinds of random bills tend to pile up. Took us six months to straighten things out.
> 
> Your provider will tell you what's needed in terms of frequency of visits, testing, etc. At least you won't have to worry about winter maternity clothes  but third trimester and hot weather isn't fun either.


Wow, it is the opposite here! All the prenatal visits are done at private doctors so you pay them everytime. And the blood tests you get every months arent covered by insurance either. Only medicine is. And the hospital stay is totally free apart from a tiny ammount that you get charged per day and that is like less that a few dollars to you guys. So it doesnt really add up unless you spend years in the hospital! 

Ahhhhh, dont even remind me about maternity clothes. I went out shopping yesterday and those maternity clothes gave me heart palpations. Hopefully I will take after my mother who didnt show with her first (me) until 8 months. Fingers crossed!


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> Honey, please remember that what a doctor looks for at the beginning of a pregnancy that would cause worry is not what they look for at the middle or the end. There really is a reason to be monitored by a physician and your child deserves good pre-natal care. If you think its too expensive ask about a mid-wife, or PA.


I realise this. I will do the first tests, but if everything comes back normal, there is no reason to keep doing them every month. I will be going to the UK before the third trimester and giving birth there anyway. And they dont do monthly blood tests either and most of their patients are fine.

they do monthly blood tests for something called "toxo" here. The thing you get mainly from touching cat poop and from eating meats not cooked properly...etc. That isnt done in the uk.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I realise this. I will do the first tests, but if everything comes back normal, there is no reason to keep doing them every month. I will be going to the UK before the third trimester and giving birth there anyway. And they dont do monthly blood tests either and most of their patients are fine.
> 
> they do monthly blood tests for something called "toxo" here. The thing you get mainly from touching cat poop and from eating meats not cooked properly...etc. That isnt done in the uk.


You are very naive if you think you can just skip prenatal appointments based on one early test. I gave you my experience as an example to make a point. Had I been like you and just went when I felt it was necessary, my son would not be here today and I would have had a still born. Please don't avoid doctor appointments because you don't want to spend the money. Kids are expensive and that starts with pregnancy. Whether you think those appointments are necessary or not, you really should go to them. I would hate to hear about something happening because you were being cheap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Things change rapidly during pregnancy, and a fetus that was fine at month 3 doesn't automatically mean it will be fine at month 4 or 5. As new parts of the fetus develop and grow, things can happen.

Things can also happen to the mother over time. A tiny fetus may not be a problem. Once it gets bigger, other problems can show up related to high blood pressure, a weakness in the uterus that is now apparent, bed rest might be prescribed, etc.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Everyone please stop telling MysticTeenager how important it is to have regular prenatal checkups, she's convinced otherwise and she'll just respond by telling everyone to "piss off" just like she did to me.

If she wants to be naive and cheap and risk the life of her unborn child, that's her choice.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Hey MT, congratulations on the pregnancy!! Make sure your hubby stocks up on pickles and ice cream. 

All kidding aside. If you do have cats, now that you are pregnant, the litter box must be your husbands, dare I say it "DUTY" there are things in cat poop that are detrimental during pregnancy. 

I totally agree with the book, what to expect when expecting, but any other books on parenting that my wife and I looked through were only good for propping up a shaky coffee table. 

While raising our two wonderful daughters we learned the best technique is gut feeling. We also reflected on lessons, good and bad we learned from our parents. 

When I held my daughter for the first time in the hospital I cried. I couldn't believe how happy it made me feel know I had a part in this wonderful little creation. 
I didn't go to all my wife's appointments but when she requested I come I didn't hesitate. We went to a birthing class as well but I royally screwed up there. I was celebrating with family the night before and was a little hung over. I actually fell asleep. I got the "look" from her after getting a hard elbow to the ribs. Needless to say I was on my best behavior after that.

As others have said, be glad you are having the baby young. I was 38 when my first daughter was born. I actually had to teach my wife how to change diapers (I used to baby sit my nephews when they were infants).
Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Yeah, if your tests come back good in the first few months, don't think they stay that way throughout the pregnancy. Anything can happen which is why they monitor. 

My niece was born with a few health problems that the Dr's picked up on in about the 6th month of pregnancy. The first round of tests all came back normal. The second round at 4 months pregnant all came back normal. Then at 6 months, they ran another set....boom there it was. 

If you think things will remain that way just because of some early blood tests, you really shouldn't be messing around on TAM. You should be making an appointment and trying to read up on everything you can so that you are aware of what you're doing when you decline those tests.

I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly. I really do. Hopefully, no issues will pop up. But those screenings are done for a reason.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We haven't told her about the prenatal vitamins yet (aka horse pills ). Not time to panic yet..


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Yes of course it's a waste of money to go to the doctor every month because it's a waste of time. What do those silly doctors know anyway?
> 
> Maybe you can have your husband deliver the baby and save even more money!
> 
> That might be a way to get even with him for not going to the doctor with you.


What's your problem lenzi? You started out saying abortion abortion and she's too naive and unstable to bring a baby into the world. Now that she's said she's going to have a baby no matter what some internet guy named lenzi thinks, your being sarcastic about something that's not even determined. She things once per month isn't needed but she goes the doc next week and he'll let her know how often he wants to see her. Shockingly it might not be exactly every month if she's young and feeling well.

Your participation in this thread has been to badger Mystic.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> What's your problem lenzi?


She reminds me of my own daughter who had 2 children at a very young age. Young, foolish, naive, and stubborn. 

Although I love my 2 grandchildren I feel that it was a huge mistake and she's struggling badly- emotionally and financially- as a result of her and her boyfriend ending their childhoods and assuming adult responsibilities way too soon.

In the case of MysticTeen there are additional red flags including that she posted the marriage has major problems (2 weeks ago), the boyfriend told her he's second guessing his decision to marry her because of the large age difference, and he's not interested in going to the pregnancy related visits.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lenzi said:


> She reminds me of my own daughter who had 2 children at a very young age. Young, foolish, naive, and stubborn.
> 
> Although I love my 2 grandchildren I feel that it was a huge mistake and she's struggling badly- emotionally and financially- as a result of her and her boyfriend ending their childhoods and assuming adult responsibilities way too soon.


Thank you lenzi. That does put perspective and well intended motive behind your comments. So my apologies for being defensive.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Thank you lenzi. That does put perspective and well intended motive behind your comments. So my apologies for being defensive.


My daughter and her boyfriend are living close to the poverty level in a low income area over 7 hours away because they felt that's all they could afford despite the repeated offers of assistance from parents on both sides. They were both pursuing 4 year college degrees when they found out they were expecting, and they both dropped out of college. She eventually got a 2 year online associates degree but he never went back to school, he's making minimum wage in a local retail store. 

My daughter recently started antidepressants due to the stress of raising two young children, she's completely overwhelmed, there are some behavioral issues with the 4 year old, and despite all this she's strongly considering having even more children.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lenzi said:


> My daughter and her boyfriend are living close to the poverty level in a low income area over 7 hours away because they felt that's all they could afford despite the repeated offers of assistance from parents on both sides. They were both pursuing 4 year college degrees when they found out they were expecting, and they both dropped out of college. She eventually got a 2 year online associates degree but he never went back to school, he's making minimum wage in a local retail store.
> 
> My daughter recently started antidepressants due to the stress of raising two young children, she's completely overwhelmed, there are some behavioral issues with the 4 year old, and despite all this she's strongly considering having even more children.


It's a helpless feeling seeing your grown kids struggle. Lot's of choices early on that set long term directions.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> It's a helpless feeling seeing your grown kids struggle. Lot's of choices early on that set long term directions.


And they don't want to listen to anyone. 

They think they know it all at 18.. and anyone who tries to suggest otherwise is simply ignored or told to piss off. My daughter never actually used that particular phrase but it was clear that she wasn't interested in my opinions if they differed from hers. Any attempt to offer alternatives then or now is seen as being judgemental.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

john117 said:


> We haven't told her about the prenatal vitamins yet (aka horse pills ). Not time to panic yet..


That's true. You should be starting taking them *early on* because the organs start being formed in the early weeks of pregnancy.
What is recommended depends on your diet and where you live. I think folic acid usually is the most important vitamine. I would phone the doctor and ask what is recommended.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

lenzi said:


> My daughter and her boyfriend are living close to the poverty level in a low income area over 7 hours away because they felt that's all they could afford despite the repeated offers of assistance from parents on both sides. They were both pursuing 4 year college degrees when they found out they were expecting, and they both dropped out of college. She eventually got a 2 year online associates degree but he never went back to school, he's making minimum wage in a local retail store.
> 
> My daughter recently started antidepressants due to the stress of raising two young children, she's completely overwhelmed, there are some behavioral issues with the 4 year old, and despite all this she's strongly considering having even more children.


How old is your daughter? Just curious.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Lenzi, I appreciate my concern but it is not needed. I have plenty of family and friends to do that for me. 
I am sorry for the situation your daughter is in, but that doesnt mean it will happen for me. I do now understand why you are speaking to me the way you are. 

Like Thundarr said, my first appointment is tomorrow. I will discuss everything with my doctor and see what she advises me to do. And I will most probably listen to her. I am no expert on pregnancy and tests. My mother had eight children, and never did monthly bloodtests. All turned out pretty fine. Some tests are extra and not neccessary. I dont want to know if my kid has a possible chance of having down syndrome. I wont be taking that test. That is what I meant. I do realise you get tested for different things durin the pregnany and I will make sure my kid gets the best possible prenatal care. 

I do take folic acid and I take this other pill that has a bunch of vitamins my body and baby needs during this stage. And if my doctor reccommends something else, I will take it.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> How old is your daughter? Just curious.


22.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I had all 5 of our kids starting at 21 and ending at 28 years of age before marriage. Got pregnant just after turning 20 (moved in when I was 19, province to province move 2 months after official long distance dating). Met him in August prior at a wedding. Been together 16 years (we were common law until 2008).

Sometimes it truly does work out in the above circumstances (which are similar to OP) and sometimes it doesn't.

The wedding we met at, that couple has been split for nearly a decade...go figure.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> My mother had eight children, and never did monthly bloodtests. All turned out pretty fine.


Don't base what you will do from the past(what your mom did). My mom never did kick counts or a non-stress test and had 3 healthy pregnancies, but I did those things and that is what caught the issue I had with my pregnancy(low amniotic fluid/baby in distress). The medical community changes what is advised for a reason. It's in your baby and your best interest to follow those guidelines. It's one thing to skip the down syndrome test and a whole other thing to skip other tests that you think aren't important. Do a lot of research before making any decisions.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: Just found out I'm pregnant*



Anonymous07 said:


> Don't base what you will do from the past(what your mom did). My mom never did kick counts or a non-stress test and had 3 healthy pregnancies, but I did those things and that is what caught the issue I had with my pregnancy(low amniotic fluid/baby in distress). The medical community changes what is advised for a reason. It's in your baby and your best interest to follow those guidelines. It's one thing to skip the down syndrome test and a whole other thing to skip other tests that you think aren't important. Do a lot of research before making any decisions.


I'll add to this:

5 kids:

1 micro premie
1 I almost lost at 24 weeks gestation, spent 10 weeks in hospital
1 with a true double nutchul knot in cord
1 footling breech, prolapsed cord and uterine rupture
Another premie (not a micro)

All but the first were deemed high risk and closely monitored with blood work every two weeks, stress tests, ultrasounds (external and internal) and everything else you could think of...

Our medical technology, in high risk and moderate risk pregnancy should be absolutely utilised. Your age alone is one check box toward moderate risk.

If deemed a low risk pregnancy then by all means the least amount of invasive technology as possible. I wasn't lucky enough for the latter but please don't ignore the medical technology available to you if it is needed or warranted.

If it is possible, and it is something you would like to research and make an option, look into a midwife or doula if you would like to mix medical and natural. This is if either are legal where you are of course, check the laws first.

I'm not posting this to scare the hell out of you, I'm posting this to warn you you should not forego medical attention when pregnant. If there is something wrong and you haven't received prenatal care it could be one hell of a thing to have to go through a medical emergency during labour. Labour alone is a highly emotional and physical journey by itself.

Be safe and be well.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

MysticTeenager said:


> I do take folic acid and I take this other pill that has a bunch of vitamins my body and baby needs during this stage. And if my doctor reccommends something else, I will take it.


Sorry, don't want to lecture you but I think it is not safe to combine vitamine pills during pregnancy. If both have folic acid you might get and overdose.
Also some vitamine supplements are unsafe. I think it is the ones containing vitamine A.... but I am sure you are talking with your doctior about this.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> Sorry, don't want to lecture you but I think it is not safe to combine vitamine pills during pregnancy. If both have folic acid you might get and overdose.
> Also some vitamine supplements are unsafe. I think it is the ones containing vitamine A.... but I am sure you are talking with your doctior about this.


I had an ultrasound today and the dr prescribed folic acid, and some kind of pills that has all the vitamins I need. I told her I was already taking folic acid and showed her what I was taking. She was happy with it.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

And for those who are interested, I did go to my doctor today, and we spoke about the tests I need and she explained a whole lot. I will be listening to her and I will do the bloodtest, but refuse to do any extras. I live in Algeria, in a country famous for doctors over prescribing and giving you a bunch of stuff you doing need. For example, they give you antibiotics for EVERYTHING. When you dont need it unless you have an infection.
Anyway, my scan went a bit well. She found a cyst, we didnt find a heartbeat but only I am only 6 weeks 5 days so I am due back in January to hear the heartbeat, then I will get bloodtests (that I WILL do)! My husband did not go, and afterall, I didnt feel bad or want him to come. I will want him to come when the baby actually looks like a baby, I think that is important to bond and make it all real as they dont really feel anything.

And for those talking about medicine changing, my mum's last child is 3 years old. So there hasnt been that of a drastic change in prenatal care.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I hope all goes well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> My daughter and her boyfriend are living close to the poverty level in a low income area over 7 hours away because they felt that's all they could afford despite the repeated offers of assistance from parents on both sides. *Seven hours away and they do not want the assistance? This would indicate to me that they don't want to deal with repercussions of said assistance from their parents(you). I have seen my own siblings do this with our parents.* They were both pursuing 4 year college degrees when they found out they were expecting, and they both dropped out of college. She eventually got a 2 year online associates degree but he never went back to school, he's making minimum wage in a local retail store.
> 
> My daughter recently started antidepressants due to the stress of raising two young children, she's completely overwhelmed, there are some behavioral issues with the 4 year old, and despite all this she's strongly considering having even more children.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MysticTeenager said:


> I had an ultrasound today and the dr prescribed folic acid, and some kind of pills that has all the vitamins I need. I told her I was already taking folic acid and showed her what I was taking. She was happy with it.



Here prenatal vitamins are the size of golf balls, any better there? It's always a big joke here to pick up a months supply in a monster size pill container


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> I will be listening to her and I will do the bloodtest, but refuse to do any extras.


Of course you will refuse to do any doctors instructions that you deem unnecessary. I think we got that part by now. The question is why you seem to need to repeat so often how you will defy the instructions of the trained medical professionals with whom you are seeking treatment. 



MysticTeenager said:


> I live in Algeria, in a country famous for doctors over prescribing and giving you a bunch of stuff you doing need.


Ah, so now you are living in a country filled with doctors who are famous for giving people stuff they don't need. I'm sure you base your knowledge on a very reliable source. What is it?



MysticTeenager said:


> For example, they give you antibiotics for EVERYTHING. When you dont need it unless you have an infection.


Antiobiotics are not just used for treating infections. You really have no idea what you're talking about. And it shows. 



MysticTeenager said:


> My husband did not go, and afterall, I didnt feel bad or want him to come.
> 
> I will want him to come when the baby actually looks like a baby, I think that is important to bond and make it all real as they dont really feel anything..


The point being, that you want him to want to come. Or at least, you did want him to want to come when you started this thread last week. He doesn't want to come. That points to a bigger issue of course, one that you refuse to acknowledge.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> And for those who are interested, I did go to my doctor today, and we spoke about the tests I need and she explained a whole lot. I will be listening to her and I will do the bloodtest, but refuse to do any extras. I live in Algeria, in a country famous for doctors over prescribing and giving you a bunch of stuff you doing need. For example, they give you antibiotics for EVERYTHING. When you dont need it unless you have an infection.
> Anyway, my scan went a bit well. She found a cyst, we didnt find a heartbeat but only I am only 6 weeks 5 days so I am due back in January to hear the heartbeat, then I will get bloodtests (that I WILL do)! My husband did not go, and afterall, I didnt feel bad or want him to come. I will want him to come when the baby actually looks like a baby, I think that is important to bond and make it all real as they dont really feel anything.
> 
> And for those talking about medicine changing, my mum's last child is 3 years old. So there hasnt been that of a drastic change in prenatal care.


My son is a year and a half old. From the time I gave birth until now, some medical recommendations have changed. Things change every year as new info becomes available, usually through studies/tests. I have a bachelors degree in health science and enjoy reading medical journals. Just a year ago rice cereal was recommended as a first food and now it's not. Don't rely on old information from what your mom did. Ask questions of your doctor and do your research too. Things can change very quickly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Of course you will refuse to do any doctors instructions that you deem unnecessary. I think we got that part by now. The question is why you seem to need to repeat so often how you will defy the instructions of the trained medical professionals with whom you are seeking treatment.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I do not see your post here as helpful.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I do not see your post here as helpful.


I don't see the purpose of her thread as asking for help.

She's simply telling everyone what she plans to do and not do and why she's right and all the doctors are wrong, and wants everyone to give her a pat on the back and tell her good luck otherwise they can piss off.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lenzi said:


> I don't see the purpose of her thread as asking for help.
> 
> She's simply telling everyone what she plans to do and not do and why she's right and all the doctors are wrong, and wants everyone to give her a pat on the back and tell her good luck otherwise they can piss off.


If that is the case then chose not to participate in the thread.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> If that is the case then chose not to participate in the thread.


Are people only supposed to post in threads where the poster is genuinely looking for advice? I didn't see that written anywhere and if so, that particular rule is being broken all the time.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Congratulations. This is wonderful news.
You are plenty old enough to be a very good mother. It is a recent phenomenon that people of your age were considered children. Personally I have tried to raise my children to grow in responsibility and be ready to behave as adults by the time they are 18. You may be a teenager by definition, but that doesn’t mean you are not able to fully function as an adult. There are millions of young women who have had babies at your age and they have done beautifully. It is only recently that people have waited beyond the teen years to marry. Most of those people were married for life. You and your husband can work at growing together and learning to control your emotions and being kind to each other.
Interpersonal skills are not necessary something that improves with age. They improve by wanting to become a richer, more mature person. If you want to learn and grow together, you can and will. Enjoy these years sharing your youth and exploring life together. It can be a beautiful thing.
My advice is to drop thinking of yourself as a teenager and think of yourself as a young woman who doesn’t let her emotions or hormones control her, but who has self-control. 


MysticTeenager said:


> Thank you all so much. Some of your comments made me tear up a little. Especially your post, Seasalt. Thank you!
> We are excited as we are nervous. He is slowly coming around already and I can see he will be a great father.
> I guess I understand how he feels, because now, apart from lots of stomach cramps, I dont feel any different and it is kind of surreal.
> I will be quiet now, as this is a marriage forum, not a pregnancy one. But again, thank you all for your support and kind words!


Did you talk to the doctor about the cramping? I don’t think that is normal and it concerns me.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We first found out wifey was pregnant from the stomach cramping  but as suggested check it out with your doctor.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

john117 said:


> We first found out wifey was pregnant from the stomach cramping  but as suggested check it out with your doctor.


That's encouraging. I never had stomach cramping with my pregnancies and heard that it could be a sign of danger.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If you're in good physical shape, and muscles etc are good and tight it could be stretching. That's what Dr. Meatcleaver told my wife (a phenomenal ObGyn who just did not look the part hence the nickname). She had a flat belly (still does sigh) and not much space so... But still like anything check it out. 

Being near-paranoid in pregnancy esp the first one and first few years of parenting is mandatory . In retrospect those crazy thoughts and subsequent laughs when Dr. Meatcleaver told us the answers were part of what made those years the best ones in my marriage. We were the ones who ALWAYS asked 100 questions...


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

john117 said:


> Here prenatal vitamins are the size of golf balls, any better there? It's always a big joke here to pick up a months supply in a monster size pill container


Thank God they arent too big! I hate huge pills. They make me gag. They did smell funny which wasnt too good for my morning nausea.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I do have a flat belly, so hopefully that is the reason why, John. 
My doctor's first sentance was "You have a bit of cramping, dont you?" when she did the ultrasound. She said to take it easy. She also said to only have sex once everyweek. But she wasnt too concerned. 

Lenzi, this post was originally meant to ask for advice, and it kinda turned into updates. I feel like you are constantly attacking me and everything I say. Sorry I dont know everything you know. If my post is against any of the TAM rules, the mods would lock it or delete it. If I took the advice on here, I would have had an abortion or start looking up foster parents for my child. NOT something we want to do. That is the whole thing about advice, not all of it is good, and no one is obligated to take it. You are clearly very sensitive and troubled because of what your daughter is going through. You need to realise that your daughter's experience is only ONE in MILLIONS of other silly, naive teenage mums. 
I happen to know someone who had a baby at 15, married the father of her child at a really young age. 17 years later, they are still married, they had 4 more children, she got a degree in montessori teaching, and has one of the best marriages I have ever seen and absolutely adores her husband. She happens to be my bestfriend, and I can only dream I end up as happy a


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Keep up the good work. Stay active. We were advised to have as much sex as we wanted. Do you have a health risk?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

john117 said:


> Here prenatal vitamins are the size of golf balls, any better there? It's always a big joke here to pick up a months supply in a monster size pill container


I found gummy vitamins. They even taste good.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

MysticTeenager said:


> I do have a flat belly, so hopefully that is the reason why, John.
> My doctor's first sentance was "You have a bit of cramping, dont you?" when she did the ultrasound. She said to take it easy. She also said to only have sex once everyweek. But she wasnt too concerned.


That's strange. Do you have some sort of health issue? Typically, sex as much as you want is totally fine during a pregnancy - beginning to end. I wonder why your Dr. would ask about cramping...


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

My husband didn't come to most of my appointments. I'm sure he went to some of my midwife appointments with our last child, but other than that, he wasn't really excited about doctor appointments. He has been a very involved father and I didn't have to do anything for the first couple weeks after the babies were born. I don't think your husband being disinterested in your prenatal appointments should be anything to worry about.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> That's strange. Do you have some sort of health issue? Typically, sex as much as you want is totally fine during a pregnancy - beginning to end. I wonder why your Dr. would ask about cramping...


:iagree:

Do you have any other symptoms beyond cramping? Light bleeding? 

Do you have cramping or more of a tightening feeling? Those two are different things. I had a tightening feeling because I am very petite and the growing uterus/stretching out of my body caused that. Cramping can be a sign of something else.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I was tiny (under 100 lbs) when I got pregnant with my first and still quite little with my other two, but I did not have cramping. I stretched - boy did I stretch - like a super hero. lol


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Keep up the good work. Stay active. We were advised to have as much sex as we wanted. Do you have a health risk?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





staarz21 said:


> That's strange. Do you have some sort of health issue? Typically, sex as much as you want is totally fine during a pregnancy - beginning to end. I wonder why your Dr. would ask about cramping...




I know, I thought it was odd. Because if there was one thing i knew about pregnancy, it is that sex is okay. I dont have a health risk unless the doctor knows something I dont know. However, sorry if this is tmi, but when I orgasm, i get an awful pain just like period cramps for a few minutes. 
My mother told me that sex can start cramping and maybe the doctor was worried it would get worse as I already have period like cramps during the day. 




Anonymous07 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Do you have any other symptoms beyond cramping? Light bleeding?
> 
> Do you have cramping or more of a tightening feeling? Those two are different things. I had a tightening feeling because I am very petite and the growing uterus/stretching out of my body caused that. Cramping can be a sign of something else.


No bleeding of any kind. The pain I feel is exactly like period cramps. You know, that pain that you get as soon as your period comes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I wonder if the limitation of intercourse in pregnancy is a local medical custom...


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

No, it isnt. i asked a few ladies who recommened this OB to me and they said she told them sex is okay. Bleh, I am confused now. I think I will ask her again and ask to explain when I go back January 3rd.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Maybe the recommendation is based on age? Statistically speaking teens(and women 35+) have more pregnancy complications, so it could be a precaution there if they are considering you high risk based on age(although it still seems odd). 

The cramping to mean sounds like an issue and I think it is why the doctor suggested limiting sex. A stretching/tightening feeling is normal, cramping not so much. Vaginal bleeding or cramps is a common reason for doctors to limit sex. They may also put a limit on sex if you have an incompetent cervix, placenta previa, a history of miscarriage, or other issues.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Anonymous07 said:


> Maybe the recommendation is based on age? Statistically speaking teens(and women 35+) have more pregnancy complications, so it could be a precaution there if they are considering you high risk based on age(although it still seems odd).
> 
> The cramping to mean sounds like an issue and I think it is why the doctor suggested limiting sex. A stretching/tightening feeling is normal, cramping not so much. Vaginal bleeding or cramps is a common reason for doctors to limit sex. They may also put a limit on sex if you have an incompetent cervix, placenta previa, a history of miscarriage, or other issues.


Exactly. I agree with this! 


This is why I am puzzled as to why the Dr. didn't tell you why she was limiting your sex life. Cramping is typically not a good sign during pregnancy. Period like cramps are something to be concerned about and your Dr. should have explained that to you.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Pregnancy 2 to 5 (first only because I didn't know I had bicorneated uterus and incompetent cervix, found out the hard way with a micro preemie) I was told no sex, not allowed for the entire pregnancies.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I will definitely speak to my doctor about the no sex and see why and why do I have the constant cramping as soon as I move or walk around or something. 
I am not too paranoid, I think. I think when you stress it gets worse, so I am just taking it easy and taking care of myself and whatever happens is meant to be tho ofc I hope for a safe and healthy pregnancy for me and my baby. 

I find it hard to trust doctors. As you have no idea whether they are right or wrong and you cant decide for yourself. This OB is highly recommended by so many people. So, I do hope she is good.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Did they do a CTG? Usually they do that if you have cramping but I don't know if it is possible so early in the pregnancy.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> Did they do a CTG? Usually they do that if you have cramping but I don't know if it is possible so early in the pregnancy.


No, they didnt. I thought they only did that in the last half of the pregnancy. The baby was measuring bigger so it is growing and dr didnt seem too worried.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MysticTeenager said:


> No, they didnt. I thought they only did that in the last half of the pregnancy. The baby was measuring bigger so it is growing and dr didnt seem too worried.


Congratulations by the way. You're young and your going to appointments and listening to what your body tells you so this little guy or gal should be just fine.

I personally believe it's the most healthy for you and your little one to stay active unless something starts feeling wrong.


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