# Wife Leaving...Very Confused



## Orionpdx (Apr 30, 2010)

Hello,

So my wife last week told me that she wanted to separate for a while. She said that it was the best way for her to work on the marriage and that she was committed to making it work. 

We spent the last week apart, (have way through which her sister came to be with her), and now all of a sudden things have escalated greatly. Now it seems like she has 100% checked out and only agreed to go to counseling if I agreed to take her name of the lease and allow her to move. 

She went out to look at apartments over the weekend with her sister and couldn't find anything. So now the three of us are all under the same roof again. Its not unpleasant but awkward. Then today she asks, "Did you give notice, or are you going to stay here." I said that I am going to stay in the apartment at least for another two months while I figure things out. 

To clarify things. I desperately want to make things work. 

She says her two big issues are her need for freedom and independence (she has never had it), and the fact that she feels that she doesn't love me the right way. (Which I don't really buy). I think she has just grown to resent me for getting her into a position where she couldn't live the life she really wanted to, regardless of the fact that she is in love with me, which I am convinced she is. 

Anyway, if anyone has any insights, I would greatly appreciate it.


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## NoNameGiven (May 9, 2010)

I hate to be the negative reply but if she is saying she needs some freedom you need to give it to her or she will resent you. Once she begins to resent you it will be much harder to get her to love you again. Help her find apartments if she is the one that needs her space then she should leave not you. 

There is that old saying If you love her let her go and if she loves you she will return.

I'm sorry and good luck.


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## someguy888 (May 15, 2010)

Give her her space and try to be there for her. You can't force her not to leave. By her escalating things so quickly after the separation, she has been thinking about this for awhile. It sounds like she already has divorce in mind but I hope you can work things out!


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## Caligirl420 (May 17, 2010)

I am a women so I thought I could give you some advice, I would actually kinda worry about her sister a little cuz it seems like she is pushing ur wife to do this a little, I agree give her some space but it seems like you really just need to sit down and talk with her, and have a serious talk and let her know exactly how you feel about this whole thing, really let her know how much you really care about her and her thoughts and feelings, and let her know how much you want it to work out( if you do ) because women love when a man, especially her husband is sincere, and totally truthful and mature and can sit down, and really try to work things out. sit down with her and ask her everything that bothers her about you and see what she says, tell her you will work on fixing those things that she doesnt like and tell her the things that bother you about her and and see what she says then, just try to work it out, you might find sitting down and letting all of your feelings and thoughts out to her you both will at least know what the problems are, and if they can be worked out or not, if not then at least you will know the exact reasons why it didnt work out, and also ask her what she means by "freedom" and all that, because she needs to explain what she means by that, what kind of freedom does she need? etc. hope this helps


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Caligirl is right about maybe the sis could be pushing the issue...but bottom line is she's checked out already..I take it there are no kids so that's good...I say let her do it all on her own...probably has infactuation with someone else...you can't be her friend and keep your dignity...her actions show what she wants and what she is going to do without regard for your feelings bro...sucks but she's gone...regardless if her reasons are valid for wanting out they are valid to her and nothing is going to change that..let her go..if she wants back in or decides to stay away forever only time will tell...it's what you do with your time from here on out that matters now...good luck and sorry for your situation.


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