# Odd conversation



## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

I was having dinner this evening at the local VFW. A gentleman next to me at the bar who I know asked me about my divorce. The topic of sex came up and it was rather odd. 

He explained that although him and his wife are divorced.. no infidelity, he regularly has sex with her. Apparently the sex between them is very good, they just weren't good together married. He went on to say that the pool of single women (and men) where they are isn't very good, and they both agreed, no strings attached, they would be better off continuing to have sex. Sometimes it is spending time together and doing the deed, other times its just a wham bam thank you ma'am.

He was even honest enough (?) to say that if she met someone else, or if he did, they'd be fine with it and move on.

Has anyone ever heard this before or experienced this. I wasn't sure if this was a sick arrangement or just too lucky birds. Is this bar talk to try and make me feel better? I've just never heard of this before.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

I do not doubt that it is true, but I would not call them "lucky birds". I suppose that the circumstances of the divorce matter, but I would really rather have sex with a stranger than my ex-wife. I might speculate that there is just some laziness or desperation in each of them. It is definitely strange to have an ongoing situation like that with an ex wife, I think.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Sounds empty and hollow from a woman’s perspective and a dream come true for him.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Before I was married, my ex gf and I did this. I would call her and she would call me from time to time. She would even show up after drinking some nights just wanting some action and then pass out on the sofa 😂


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I can’t imagine that being healthy for either one of them. I didn’t detach and begin healing until I left the house and didn’t see her anymore. F&[email protected]$king her now would be like grabbing my neighbors trash.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It's not that uncommon. It sounds odd to talk about it to an acquaintance in a bar but c'est la vie. If it works for them, great but it's not a good idea for everybody. It might have been that their sex life was fine but nothing else worked in the marriage so this way they keep the fun stuff but avoid all the other stuff like chores, finances & communication.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

An old LTR and I did that for a while. It went okay.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

That seems odd (to me) but hey…they’re two consenting adults. If that works for them, so be it. I would feel though like feelings would be caught for one or the other eventually. Especially a LTR where they have a history but many people seem to like bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. lol


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

It’s way more common than one would think.

The thing that makes this case a little on the unusual side is that he is admitting it down at the ol’ VFW. 

If you read the infidelity section for any period of time, you will also see that “sex with an ex” is also a somewhat common source of infidelity even after people have partnered up with someone else.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Really not odd at all. "Sex with the ex" has always been a thing, although it doesn't work for everyone.

I imagine for some, it's just more comfortable than f'ing a stranger and works until they meet someone they actually want to be with. 

Just exes with benefits instead of friends with benefits.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BLEGH!!!!!!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Well, people have one night stands and random hook ups all of the time, so this is what it is except with someone they know!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Exes need to be excommunicated,

Otherwise, the ex means 'not yet' parted.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

HarryBosch, 

I think because there is something we miss about almost everyone who has been in our lives and that something is missing from the people we are now with.

Could be that an exH gave a woman the best oral sex she ever had, but he was also a cheater and a drunk and not marriage material.

I desire the kissing I got from old girlfriends and the passion that went along with it, although my rational mind tells me it is no longer possible and they are not that person anymore.

A restaurant owner my W worked for divorced his W, but she still continued to work for him as that part of the relationship still functioned.

Another woman I know divorced her hoarder husband, but still goes back to clean for him, I suspects because she still loves him but cannot bear the disorder.

I'm not justifing these cases, but offering them as examples.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Yes it happens. The woman who lived a floor above my ex GF's apartment had this arrangement with her ex husband. It was an amicable divorce, and he'd told her basically, if you get lonely, call me. She called him every couple of weeks, going by the sounds of the headboard.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Quite bizarre and weird. If you are divorced then move on. It's unlikely anyone would be interested in either of them if they knew what had been happening. They clearly haven't cut the ties or made any sort of new life for themselves.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There have been a few posters who have continued to have sex with their ex. I don’t think any of them were told that was a good idea but, yes, it happens. When I got divorced I was completely divorced. Sex with an ex is stupid IMO but to each his/her own.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Quite bizarre and weird. If you are divorced then move on. It's unlikely anyone would be interested in either of them if they knew what had been happening. They clearly haven't cut the ties or made any sort of new life for themselves.


Well, they don't want to cut ties and they don't want to move on from having sex together. They are both single, they aren't hurting anyone. 

Way judgmental to say they haven't made a "new life", they enjoy each other in their new life as sex partnersand not marriage partners, you don’t have to hate and cut out your ex spouse to have a "new life".


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Sounds empty and hollow from a woman’s perspective and a dream come true for him.


Sorry to dissapoint your gender related perspective.
I´m a man and I don´t see it as a dream but as a nightmare.
And knowing my same gender friends, I´m not the only one.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Sounds empty and hollow from a woman’s perspective and a dream come true for him.


I wouldn't do it. 

But I am puzzled as to why you think it's different between women and men? 

AFAIK, many people of all kinds of orientations like a bit of empty, meaningless sex from time to time.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> I wouldn't do it.
> 
> But I am puzzled as to why you think it's different between women and men?
> 
> AFAIK, many people of all kinds of orientations like a bit of empty, meaningless sex from time to time.


There are always exceptions to every rule.

I believe men and women process sex differently. Eventually this will begin to wear on her. She will feel used, hollow, and empty. I also have to wonder if she really believes it's over, or if there is some small part of her that hopes if she gives him the on-demand sex he wants that he'll come back. Of course, that's all conjecture on my part, I don't know her.

For him, the only thing missing is he has to hire a housekeeper. He has on-demand, plan B sex, and the ability to see other women (If he chooses to do that, he certainly has no reason to be in any rush).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There are always exceptions to every rule.
> 
> I believe men and women process sex differently. Eventually this will begin to wear on her. She will feel used, hollow, and empty. I also have to wonder if she really believes it's over, or if there is some small part of her that hopes if she gives him the on-demand sex he wants that he'll come back. Of course, that's all conjecture on my part, I don't know her.
> 
> For him, the only thing missing is he has to hire a housekeeper. He has on-demand, plan B sex, and the ability to see other women (If he chooses to do that, he certainly has no reason to be in any rush).


They are many divorced men who would think this was a very bad idea. The majority I would say.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> They are many divorced men who would think this was a very bad idea. The majority I would say.


You have polled the majority of divorced men _in which the divorce was amicable_ about whether this is a good idea or bad idea? 🤔


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

I am not saying it is hurting anyone, but totally agree with the post that described it as a nightmare.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I believe men and women process sex differently.


Is not a matter of belief, it's a matter of fact. And the fact is that men and women do indeed process sex differently. Every rule has its exception of course.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Is not a matter of belief, it's a matter of fact. And the fact is that men and women do indeed process sex differently. Every rule has its exception of course.


I get reamed for generalizations. Especially true ones. 😉


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

thinking about it after , first what two consenting adults do behind closed doors is their affair .
All so from a health aspect not a bad plan 
If they could not live full time together then the best of two worlds 
There are people that get married and don't live in the same house even though they are not living far apart


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Dream come true. Shagging my wife without all the crap attached to it…


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

HarryBosch said:


> I was having dinner this evening at the local VFW. A gentleman next to me at the bar who I know asked me about my divorce. The topic of sex came up and it was rather odd.
> 
> He explained that although him and his wife are divorced.. no infidelity, he regularly has sex with her. Apparently the sex between them is very good, they just weren't good together married. He went on to say that the pool of single women (and men) where they are isn't very good, and they both agreed, no strings attached, they would be better off continuing to have sex. Sometimes it is spending time together and doing the deed, other times its just a wham bam thank you ma'am.
> 
> ...


I had a coworker with exact same arrangement. From time they divorced until he died 17 years later. Neither remarried. They couldnt live together but loved sex together. He used to go to her house for “lunch” at least weekly.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

HarryBosch said:


> Has anyone ever heard this before or experienced this. I wasn't sure if this was a sick arrangement or just too lucky birds. Is this bar talk to try and make me feel better? I've just never heard of this before.


 b

I used to have sex with my ex when I was still single. He was very good in bed, so why waste my time with a stranger, when I knew I would be satisfied (well) by booty calling the ex. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but didn't want to be celibate.

It was fun while it lasted. It ended when I found out that he had started dating someone, and lied to me. (That is what ended our marriage, his lies and cheating) I wasn't mad, because I really was only there for the sex. I just wasn't going to help him cheat on her!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zombie thread closed.


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