# please help me what to do please?



## francois (May 29, 2009)

Hi I am Deborah from Philippines. I search over google for a marriage website that can discuss matters in marriage life and I found this site. I do not know much about this site yet, but I am very hopeful to somehow find a light & answers to my questions and trouble relationship with my husband.

When were still not married, he is a good lover and a friend. but then I guess before I didnt knew the real him so I see him as that, Now that we are married he turned into someone I do not know anymore. After getting married I started seeing him going in and out in one of our neighbors place not to visit, but to play Gamble. He will be there almost the wholeday and goes home at 11 or 12 in the midnight almost every day. I tried to correct him with this matter, but he disagree and told me that its okay to gamble cause he can win too.. (But loses couple of thousands or more in one night.) Aside from gambling, He also does drugs. I also tried to stop him with this, He agrees about the negative effects drugs gave to people, but he told me that its better to see him in drugs than to see him with other women. 

Because of my love for him, I get more stupid. my love for him blinds me. my love for him weakens me. 

Last summer, We moved in my hometown. but since that, he never stops going back and forth from my hometown to his hometown. I totally understand why, cause its easier for him to find money there than here. So I let him go every now and then. Be there in his hometown for 2-3 weeks sometimes a month and more, but he only stays here with us for 3-4 days. Even if I gave him the whole time he needs, still he will give us a little time to spend here. So I decided to go back with him in his hometown (I dont like it there cause I dont know anyone and his past lovers can not stop back biting me even if I do not do anything to them) . I will go back living with him in his hometown again hoping that maybe we could start again, Correct what we have to correct, change what we should change. Like give our marriage a chance. But I am afraid, what If this time, It will still fail?

Recently, in his last visit here.. 
I found new numbers of women on his phone. But he said theyre just his friends , and customers in his Sister's restobar. Then I found out that the lady who kept on giving her a ring a couple of months ago was texting him in her other number.. Ive read that messages, and there I know that the two of them in contact. But he said he was just curious who that girl is.. cause the girl knows everything about him and he starts to wonder. (he is serving his sister as a driver.. and he also plays a dJ in his sister's resto bar) 

I see how he finds money.
but I never ask him for a cellphone, a bag, a dress or anything. I buy my stuffs with my own money. Its just number of times that he treats me something. I am not worried with this, but what Im worried is everytime we got a bill lining up, he blame me. I just hope he do not forget that he is the father of the family and providing the food and the money to pay the bills are his responsibilities I am always willing to help pay the bills but when I do not have money , how can I help too? these last few months I am having trouble with my work and business too. I can not focus, cause I am very much disturb with my problems in my marriage life.

I started to regret marrying him. I dont wanna feel that way but this is how I truly feel towards his actions. I should have listened to my parents. I wanna break up with him to end the suffering I have, but we have kids that im responsible of. If I break up with him, he will never support the kids. Laws here in the philippines is not the same like in U.S . Aside from that this is not my dream, I want a family that stays together till we get old. I dont wanna end my marriage life by separating. but if this is the only choice I can do to avoid myself feeling this pain and being unhappy, Do I have a choice? 

I told him how I felt with his actions already. 
but he always have a reason in everything. 
He is being selfish. and Unfair. 

All I want is attention. care. love. sweetness. & affection.

I got so many reasons why I hate him. but these reasons are still not enough to make my love for him fades. Im now starting to get tired feeling this pain, and suffering from a life I chose which i thought would make me HAPPIER. 

I just keep on holding on. Hoping for the best one day. 
but until when will I hold on and hope for the best?
What if he will never change and just end up cheating on me?

I am scared... Tired... and worried... 
Im having a mix emotions actually.
I hope someone from here can help me.


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## alwaysalone (Nov 17, 2007)

Sorry you have to go through this. And because you are from the Philippines I am not sure how things work over there. In the end, I always turn to my parents. Can you do that? If he isn't staying at home but always some place else, that is not a good thing. You are finding ways to yourself attached to him even though he has already unattached himself from you. You need to be strong for your children if he can't be. You need to start a better life for you and your children. You are going to have to be both parents since he obviously isn't ready to be the "dad".

Good Luck my dear and I am sorry if I sounded harsh. I didn't want to be.


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## francois (May 29, 2009)

Hello thank you for replying and no your words are ok.. Not really harsh since this is what everyone is telling me. I have seen and known the answers but yet Im still disturbed.. Nailed. and attached to him. I guess this is the hardest part. To know that you can no longer save your marriage, but still hopes for it.. 

I already ran to my parents and they said the same thing. And they said I will be the only one who gets hurt, and not my husband. Theyre right too. My husband is not facing problems... I dont know but he is VERY easy go lucky type of guy that even if the problem is already inside the house, he would still not talk about it.. He told me talking about a problem would just make us mad.. but I believe talking about problems helps to solve it too. but he then disagree about it.

I guess im just pretending that I dont know whats really happening, maybe because I still do not have the strength to break up with him and doesnt want to end it this way. My friend once told me that I am happy because I pretend. not because my husband makes me feel like it.

Oh well, may God gave me more strength..  

Thank you again alwayysalone


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