# Do Low Drives Prefer to Be With Low Drives?



## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

I wonder if a low sex drive person would prefer to be with another low drive person. I know it seems like a "Duh" question. But that would probably result in a near sexless marriage. Would either person be happy with that?

In a combo HD/LD marriage, if there is compromise, there is some sex. Hopefully the right amount to where neither spouse becomes too uncomfortable. Some sex is important to keep that level of connection alive. Would very little to no sex result in growing apart in a marriage?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I've known several LD/LD couplings that were very happy together. It doesn't always mean a sexless situation, but they will typically have less quantity than other couples, while the quality could still be higher than other couples.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I can picture DH's drive actually switching to being higher if he was with a woman who wasn't constantly after his dong. 

He likes being with a woman who wants it all the time even if his drive is responsive and limited. 

I don't think he'd do well with a woman who didn't want sex much.He had that in the past and has expressed the negative feelings he had when in that situation.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some LD's do like sex occasionally -- just not that often. Some LD's appear to very rarely want sex -- maybe not at all. So, yes, I would think they would be happier with someone similar to them. They don't see sex as a bonding experience apparently.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Honestly, I'm not sure it would make much difference to a LD spouse. I mean, aside from a whiny spouse, they're getting their needs met just fine, thank you very much. 

The HD spouse (and that's always relative) now... They would be happier with someone closer to their level, I think. I know I am!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

An LD will be much happier with another LD. An LD in combo with a HD is a bad idea.
In some ways, the mechanics of it is fairly simple come to think of it.

It goes back to emotional needs overall (see marriagebuilder dot com).

Meeting needs that you yourself have, is far easier than meeting needs that your spouse has that you do not share yourself. now, if you love your spouse (love here meaning action, not feeling), you will (enthusiastically) meet the needs of your spouse, even tough you don't have the same need, or have the need to the same degree.

If one partner has a low need for Sexual fulfillment, then being with a spouse with the same level of need would be better.

Same thing goes for anything; a spouse with a low need for conversation would be better of with a spouse that have the same low need for conversation.


The challenge comes when a spouse does not consider/recognize that they are different than their spouse, that their needs are not the same as their spouse, and consequently dismiss them as of no or low value.

Unmet emotional needs will cause resentment... resentment will cause anger, anger will lead to indifference, indifference will lead to divorce or an affair or both.

It takes a certain mindset to recognize that : 'my spouse is not like me. his/her needs are different than mine'. If I love my spouse I will recognize that we are different, and I will treat her different than what I want him/her to treat me. - sort of a rewrite of the golden rule.

The somewhat unique part of Sex is that it is a need that has only one legitimate outlet. Most other needs can be met outside the marriage.

Anyway... lot of rambling about things that are bloody obvious, but in short: Someone that is LD should marry another LD.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

ericthesane said:


> The challenge comes when a spouse does not consider/recognize that they are different than their spouse, that their needs are not the same as their spouse, and consequently dismiss them as of no or low value.
> 
> Unmet emotional needs will cause resentment... resentment will cause anger, anger will lead to indifference, indifference will lead to divorce or an affair or both.
> *
> ...


 :smthumbup:very well said! This is what got us thru my husbands low T, LD. He took care of my needs even if they weren't his own.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm a very low drive wife, really I just have responsive drive. I'm ok meeting the needs of my average drive husband, say 3-5 times a week. I wouldn't be able to satisfy an everyday or multiple times a day husband. When I try to have sex that often my body does not cooperate....which leads to faking enthusiasm or worse.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *ericthesane said*: *Unmet emotional needs will cause resentment... resentment will cause anger, anger will lead to indifference, indifference will lead to divorce or an affair or both*.










with Eric the Sane...the whole post ! 

My husband is not an antsy high Test man - but he loves sex...and is always open to being played with ... if he felt this was a burden, pushing me away even in the smallest way ....I WOULD GROW RESENTFUL of HIM.. it just wouldn't be good..

His Desire to get worked up is "life giving" to me. ..I need this in a partner for my own happiness and emotional fulfillment...

Laughing at SB's post how she is always going after his dong...we like to keep our men well drained .


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> I'm a very low drive wife, really I just have responsive drive. I'm ok meeting the needs of my average drive husband, say 3-5 times a week. I wouldn't be able to satisfy an everyday or multiple times a day husband. When I try to have sex that often my body does not cooperate....which leads to faking enthusiasm or worse.


Depending on how old you are you're more likely to find a unicorn on Craigslist than have to worry about 1x a day or more...


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> with Eric the Sane...the whole post !
> 
> My husband is not an antsy high Test man - but he loves sex...and is always open to being played with ... if he felt this was a burden, pushing me away even in the smallest way ....I WOULD GROW RESENTFUL of HIM.. it just wouldn't be good..
> *
> ...


Absolutely, his desire to get worked up for me is totally "life giving"!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't believe a LD person puts much emphasis on sex when seeking a partner. They could care less whether their partner was LD or HD. Whatever else motivates them to seek a partner would be their priority. If things worked out where they could find another LD, they'd have more peace, but they'd be just as happy to have a HD partner dangling on a cross of celibacy in abject misery for the next 80 years, just as long as their own needs were being met.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

We are all different. If a couple are perfectly happy having sex every couple of months, statistically thats a sexless marriage, but not to them.

If a couple are happy having sex twice a day then thats fine too.

the problems arise when one half of the couple wants sex every other month and the other wants it every week etc!

So I'd say yes, LD with LD, HD with HD


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> I don't believe a LD person puts much emphasis on sex when seeking a partner. They could care less whether their partner was LD or HD. Whatever else motivates them to seek a partner would be their priority. If things worked out where they could find another LD, they'd have more peace, but they'd be just as happy to have a HD partner dangling on a cross of celibacy in abject misery for the next 80 years, just as long as their own needs were being met.


You are probably right in that the don't even consider it most of the time. Unless they have dealt with it before and got annoyed with the continual "pestering" they probably won't even consider the subject. I don't agree that they think from the beginning, "it's okay if they're not happy as long as I am" that comes up later when they don't know what else to do and they think the other person is just making a big deal over nothing (after all it's nothing to them).



askari said:


> We are all different. If a couple are perfectly happy having sex every couple of months, statistically thats a sexless marriage, but not to them.
> 
> If a couple are happy having sex twice a day then thats fine too.
> 
> ...


In the book The Sex Starved Marriage she talks about this. She describes Sex Starved not as a number as there are couples happy with once a month who she doesn't consider sex starved and others who are active 3 or 4 times a week who are not happy that are. Not being happy with the relationship is the issue, not the numbers, so average means nothing.

But even if your drives are not equally matched if you have love and concern for the other you can work out some comprises. There are many things my husband could care less about (and vice versa) but we do them out of love for the other person. It does make it harder but I truly believe you can still have a loving relationship. I don't think any one would be wise to choose the difficult path from the beginning but if you are already there you do still have a possibility of making it work.


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

the2ofus said:


> There are many things my husband could care less about (and vice versa) but we do them out of love for the other person.


Ladies and gents.... we have a winner !


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

bubba29 said:


> I wonder if a low sex drive person would prefer to be with another low drive person. I know it seems like a "Duh" question. But that would probably result in a near sexless marriage. Would either person be happy with that?


I think that would be the case in the abstract, or if that person is LD but otherwise well adjusted (no CSA or other baggage). But those are huge assumption to make. I'd keep in mind that sex is never the only thing to marriage.

My sense is that people who are consistently LD and turned off to sex generally have some sort of issue (health, CSA, bad religious teachings, bad home example) and are a minority anyways. People who are LD but otherwise well-adjusted and engaged (particularly men) are an even smaller minority. So, if you are seriously LD, finding a like-minded partner might be tough. There might be incompatibilities other than sex even if you find someone on that wavelength.

Let's say a hypothetical Ms. X is looking for the right Mr. Y. She finds a few guys. The first guy is doesn't make sex an issue and doesn't seem bothered without it - he defers to her and goes with the flow. So far so good, right? Maybe, until it turns out that is his approach to life in general.

Develop some skills and get a good job to help support a family? _That sounds ok - I'll get around to it at some point._ Have enough pride to help keep up the home and kids? _Things are perfectly good now._ What a winner, right? We all know how much women love a meek, unambitious dude who just floats along through life.

So, while finding another LD person sounds good in theory, in reality there are probably other issues triggering or associated with LD that seem just as off-putting. From a practical perspective, sometimes it seems like putting up with someone's Higher D is easier than putting up with a person whose baggage or apathy will stress you in other ways.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

"Unmet emotional needs will cause resentment... resentment will cause anger, anger will lead to indifference, indifference will lead to divorce or an affair or both."

Yes this is exactly what happens. Im at the end, but I am divorcing rather then having an affair.


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