# There is Hope but it is on ME TO CHANGE



## TheLostGoodGuy

I am not going to lie about my situation. Its me and has been me. You can see my other post (living in the garage)that pretty much describes everything up till this point. Brief Summary. Active Army 3 tours to Iraq. Got out lots of drugs (mostly pot) Quit caring about the world. Well we set down and filed our divorce papers. I cried alot that day and for the first time she looked hurt too and she hugged me. One of our problems was I would spend all our extra money on me. So while we were seperated (still are) her car broke down she blew the heads. She got them fixed and the same thing happened again. So she called the place to have it looked and she parked the car in front of the house. Some drunk bhole ran into the back of it totaling it out. So I took her out and bought her a car. Since then she has told me that was a huge step in showing that I can think about other people cause I didnt have to help her especially with the ongoing dicorce but I did. So she has changed her tone almost immediatley. She found out that I am going to go to a 7 week inpatient treat for PTSD and anxiety and anger issues. She told me that if i stick with it and I go that she wants to go to counsling when I get home. I asked her did she change her mind from ohh hell no never again to this. She tells me that she had been screaming our entire marriage to man up and go get help and now that I am she doesnt know what to do. So when I ask if we can just go back to normal so we no longer have to play the divorce game she tells me no. So i ask we are still getting a divorce she says not unless she sees change. In her own words I dont want to tell you No we are not getting back together and then you go and you come back as the man i used to love and want to be with and i dont want to tell you yes i want you back and you dont change ****. She also says when I get home we will be working at a snails pace to make things work bewteen us cause she just doesnt want to go back to the way things were. 

So the problem is now we cant stop fighting. I am the one that starts by the constant phone calls and texting ( i know i need to stop) but my case is alittle different. One of the main issues with PTSD is impulse control. The buying things at random doing whatever i want when i want, and now its this. She tells me maybe we could start on us if I can quit fighting with her before i leave but right now no cause i cant stop. The longest we have gone without fighting since halloween is 2 days. So there is hope but it seems like a little star in the sky. Another way I like to look at it is every beach began with one peice of sand. I will keep you guys informed of whats new and what works and what doesnt. Alot of your guys stories is what is helping me stay out of trouble cause i know there are alot of you in pain out there and i wish we all could get toegther and cry it out.


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## HappyHer

Hang in there lostgoodguy. Keep seeking help. Many people that suffer from PTSD can make a full recovery, and as a military man I'm sure you've learned perseverance and determination to succeed. 

Fill your time up with things that will create the best situation to keep you from going off on impulsive things. Read books like Love and Respect, get physical exercise, start yoga classes, whatever you can do that is healthy and promotes staying on track.

Your wife obviously loves you and wants things to work, remember that. Instead of texting her, write her a love letter and snail mail it - it will mean a lot more to her, it will help comfort you while you have that impulse to connect with her - and it will help keep you from texting things to fight about. Get a journal and start planning romantic activities, keep them light and casual at first, perhaps even distant at first, like make something for her that takes your time and doesn't leave her feeling as if you are stalking her.

Oh, and thank you for serving our country. You are struggling to recover from your service now. Take it easy and I really believe it will work out for you if you put your heart and mind to it.


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## chefmaster

Take her off of speed dial and out of your contact list. The time delay may get you past the impulse control issue at least a little bit.

Same thing with the money, go make it as impossible to access your money as you can. Carry only emergency cash on you. Cut up your atm card and use checks like we did back in the day, you'll see just how hard impulse buying is.

When you think about her, try sometimes to think about what you want to tell other people about her, and call and text them instead.

Counseling is good, especially marriage counseling, but make sure to also get a service-recommended ptsd therapist and go by yourself.

It sounds to me as if you can handle this and I hope it goes well for you.

Good luck to you both.


Thank you for your service


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## F-102

Adapt and Overcome.
Adapt to the situation, adapt to the fact that you need to change, adapt to the fact that there are seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and work at overcoming them. Overcome the drugs. Overcome the PTSD. Overcome the old "Me First" attitude you used to have. And most of all, overcome the fear that this might not work.
I'm sure that there were times when you went thru basic that you felt that you wouldn't make it. But you did. You probably even thought that you wouldn't survive Iraq, but you did it, THREE TIMES!
You can save this marriage. It's in you, you can do this.
I always think of the lines from Steve Martin in "My Blue Heaven" when faced with a tough situation: "You guys see a problem, I see potential." 
Your W is giving you a golden opportunity to make things right, and you already have one great advantage: you KNOW it.

And, from one vet to another- Go easy, bro.


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