# Crush on another woman?



## susanbee

I am married and I am not a lesbian nor have I ever had those tendencies or desires. But is it possible to have a crush on another woman?


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## lovestoomuch

I think so.


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## ChangingMe

Yes.


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## RandomDude

And this is why I SWEAR all women are bi :rofl:


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## that_girl

RandomDude, having a crush on a woman is different than wanting to have sex with her. I have been attracted to women...but ew...I like penis.


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## mrstj4sho88

*JMO I think the OP has great respect for the woman. The OP might be confusing respect for a crush. Sorry I have never had a crush on another women. I am not hating on anyone that has crushed on another woman.*


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## RandomDude

Men don't have crushes or attraction on other guys when they are straight 

Ask any straight guy out there! lol
So unless there's a good excuse to justify the double standard, think I'll remain convinced lol


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## that_girl

Do what you want. I'd never lick a vagina. Ever. Nor am I sexually attracted to women. It's just an attraction to get to know them. I think men DO get crushes. They meet someone they think is cool and talk about their friend 24/7. A crush is just admiring someone. What's the big deal. It's when you want MORE that it's a problem.


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## RandomDude

Ah... well, I don't think OP meant a crush as in simple admiration lol


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## Torrivien

I think the reason that straight men don't have crush on other men is because it's socially reprehensible. You're the one to penetrate, if you have a crush on another penetrator, than it means you'd like to be penetrated. And oooh how emasculating that would be.

I think that a crush is a degree of beauty appreciation, and in that same case, I think I had many male crushes. Just because I like to admire beauty.
I don't worry for my straightness since I feel it should only be a matter between me and the one that I'd like to penetrate. ^^

EDIT: I'm sorry for not answering to the main question. Yes, it's totally normal. But if you're committed to a relationship, don't let it stray too far.


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## RandomDude

Darn it... if my wife reads this thread then it's...

Wifey - 1
Me - 0

 No fair!


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## Pault

Ive seen a married woman who it really did appear to have a crush on a girl in her group of friends. If Id replaced the female who she'd had a crush on with a guy any bystander would have said yep she fancies him. She coloured up he neck was reddening, she handled and continued to touch her hair, she was touchy feelie - the full episode So i do beleive that a woman can have an crush (attraction) even if shes never even been curious. By the way the womans H was there and he saw it as well....... Awkward silence between them during the rest of the night and only she didnt realise we all saw it.
There is a difference between admiration and a crush (IMO)


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## 40isthenew20

Yeah, I know some may say I'm a pig, but this sounds hot.


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## Toffer

that_girl said:


> Do what you want. I'd never lick a vagina. Ever. Nor am I sexually attracted to women. It's just an attraction to get to know them. I think men DO get crushes. They meet someone they think is cool and talk about their friend 24/7. A crush is just admiring someone. What's the big deal. It's when you want MORE that it's a problem.


That Girl,

While I think you have a few valid points in the statement above, I think where we differ is the fact that when a man "crushes" on a woman, they want to have sex with her and to us (at least all the guys I know) that what makes it a crush.

When we meet guys who we think are cool, we do talk about them alot but we don't want to have sex with them so not a crush!


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## SavannahRose

Some Advice from someone who's been there.
I had a crush on a woman and I was very confused about why or what I was feeling. It scared me to death. I have always admired other Women and still do but really think about what you want from her! Do you want to kiss her? Do you want to preform sexual acts with her? Maybe you are lonely and vulnerable and this Woman is giving you the attention that you are not getting from your Man. If she is a Lesbian be careful that she is not taking advantage of you. Women that are gay do that to straight Women all the time. Please think this through very carefully before you get over your head.


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## RClawson

My wife says she thinks lesbianism is disgusting however since coming to this forum and discovering what EA's are I can tell you that she has had at least 3 EA's with other women. When she was wrapped up in them it was as if I did not exist and then it would just flame out. 

What I would give to be able to have the kind of emotional intimacy she has shared with other women.


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## KnK

I think it depends on what you mean by crush. Like it was said straight men don't have crushes on other men ,therefore a straight woman cannot have a crush on another woman.


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## sandc

Susanbee,what exactly are you feeling? Are you sexually attracted to her? Admire her? What are you feeling?


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## Pault

RClawson said:


> My wife says she thinks lesbianism is disgusting however since coming to this forum and discovering what EA's are I can tell you that she has had at least 3 EA's with other women. When she was wrapped up in them it was as if I did not exist and then it would just flame out.
> 
> What I would give to be able to have the kind of emotional intimacy she has shared with other women.


My word this hit home today!

I suspect many men will think about issue they may have seen in respect of their female partners. I really (if you are open to it) think a post regarding would be of use to some .. me included as Ive suspected my W has been in an EA in the past of this type but really doesnt/will not accept it. I thought I was out of line thinking like this and TBH I hope Im wrong as it starts pandoras box opening.
Well done for bringing this to the forum


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## RClawson

I've mentioned it before Pault. I mentioned it to my counselor (who is a woman and I do respect her greatly) and she shrugged it off as "oh us women just have our friends". It was the only time I have been disappointed with her as a therapist. 

One of my very good friends ended up divorced because his wife refused to put him and the kids before her emotional affair with another woman. 3 years later she realizes she was a complete moron and wants him back. Ain't gonna happen.

Honestly the only way I will ever win this battle is to take a drastic measure. I do see it coming but it is a bit down the road.


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## Desperate_Housewife

Yes.


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## Entropy3000

We bond with friends. Genders aside. We can bond very deeply or in a more shallow way. Close friends more deeply.

But it is all emotional. We speak in terms of EAs which are emotional attachments that reach some level of obsession that we refer to as an affair. 

EAs look very innocnet in many aspects. We see folks saying that they are watching texts and emails in the hundreds and they all seem innocent. They have trouble seeing this as an EA without any sex or overt romance. They do not get it. 

EAs often turn romantic. Romance can turn into a PA. But they do not have to.

I absolutely believe you can have two women in an EA who are not lesbians. They just have a very deep emotional bind with each other. This may or may not impact a marriage. But if it is truly an EA with the obsession that this implies I think you can deduce this can be an issue. 

And yes there are bromances.


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## Pault

@RClawson - Sorry didnt realise youd mentioned before. Wouldnt have made my suggestion as you really dont need this raking up again (sorry)

@Entropy - I do have to agree - It appears women have a different type of relationship with their female best friend, one that is alian to men (naturally) but I suppose when a guy is seeing a closeness between a female partner and her "BFFFL" whose language and emotion, in their mind is normally reserved for the marridge style relationship it becomes really uncomfortable and can/does clearly cause the male to start to put incidences together which when taken in isolation are nothing type comments, phrases wheather in a text, FB phone conversation. But when some of these things start to happen and you place then together the"events" can and do cause a H's concern mode to kick in. Add to this are just litle issue like deleting their friend texts leaving just some, phone calls being made and doors closed for hours at at time, going out with her female friends and acting single..... If we were taking about the friend being of the opposite sex many here would be saying, key looger, voice activated recorder in car, check bills etc. I suppose its a very thin line that can easily trip from close friend to EA - its certainly an uncomfortable situation to whitness and try and keep rational when you are the married/cohabiting partner seeing this


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## RClawson

No biggie Pault. No offense taken.


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## EnjoliWoman

Yes, I've had a crush and think guys do, too. It's not sexual although I can find a woman sexy. 

Best friends are important to women but shouldn't be a substitute for intimacy with a spouse. Guys don't want to hear all of the stuff we talk about (really - you don't, I promise). 

I think it only becomes a problem when the friend is told intimate details about the marriage or issues within the marriage. It's one thing to express some mild frustration or ask for some advice on a situation and there are ways to maintain that line in the sand.

I have a dear best friend and we share almost everything and do talk about our relationships (she's married, I'm dating someone special) and give each other advice BUT there are details we never share out of respect for the men, ourselves and those relationships. 

My boyfriend has some really close guy friends and I'm sure mostly its sports and work but I bet there are times conversations turn to the women in their lives, kids and the like - same things women talk about.


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## Entropy3000

Pault said:


> @RClawson - Sorry didnt realise youd mentioned before. Wouldnt have made my suggestion as you really dont need this raking up again (sorry)
> 
> @Entropy - I do have to agree - It appears women have a different type of relationship with their female best friend, one that is alian to men (naturally) but I suppose when a guy is seeing a closeness between a female partner and her "BFFFL" whose language and emotion, in their mind is normally reserved for the marridge style relationship it becomes really uncomfortable and can/does clearly cause the male to start to put incidences together which when taken in isolation are nothing type comments, phrases wheather in a text, FB phone conversation. But when some of these things start to happen and you place then together the"events" can and do cause a H's concern mode to kick in. Add to this are just litle issue like deleting their friend texts leaving just some, phone calls being made and doors closed for hours at at time, going out with her female friends and acting single..... If we were taking about the friend being of the opposite sex many here would be saying, key looger, voice activated recorder in car, check bills etc. I suppose its a very thin line that can easily trip from close friend to EA - its certainly an uncomfortable situation to whitness and try and keep rational when you are the married/cohabiting partner seeing this


I woud not be ok with what you describe. Just not what I am needing in a wife. I would not be ok with my wife having a close relationship with any man she is not directly related to period. I would be fine with a close female friend. However that can be excesssive to and would for sure cause marriage issues.


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