# I want to win back My Wife!



## HopefullSeperatedHusband

Hello, I am very new. I want to win back my wife. Here is my story. I have been married 11 years. We have four children together and I helped her raise her son from before we met since he was 4. He just turned 17 and he chose and always called me dad. I never treated him any differently than my own child. My wife had separated with me Dec. 28th. I was crushed. The problem or should I say the straw that broke the camels back was that I accused her of cheating. Things during the last month or two was odd. She shut down and wouldnt talk with me so I tried to reason what the sitch could be and I was already very insecure by then so I felt that she was cheating. One day it slipped out and things were never the same. I felt her slipping away and there was nothing I could do. Everything I did was wrong. She asked me to leave for two days and then we would talk. I left but I kept trying to talk to her. I begged I pleaded... before I knew it she said she wanted a divorce. I was crushed. I was hard on her. I had brought some insecurities into our marriage that grew over time. We did everything together. We loved being around each other. All the way till the end. Two months before she left she held my face and looked me dead in the eye and said "I believe in you" I didnt get it then but I realize now that was her scream to me to get it together. She has moved in with her sister in law 45 minutes away. She took the car and the kids. we have joint custody but I get to see them on weekends. Up until now we have had very little contact. before the legal custody papers she was bringing them down once a week and we all (her and I too) got along great. I thought she was being nice because of the kids but I swear she still has that look for me. Anything other than the kids and she is not there at all! No talk of us. She has asked me repeatedly not to contact her unless its about the kids. I learned about no contact and I am working on myself but it is hard to not have contact because of the kids. I have respected all her wishes till now... dont contact except for kids... leave friends and family alone. I encourage the kids to be good for her and her new friends but the kids are acting out. The only time she calls is to have me talk to the kids. What can I do? Is there a letter I should write? I dont know what to do... I truely believe she still loves me deep down but she is so cold. When we do talk about the kids she is responsive like we are still married. she insisted that she wants a divorce. Please help... steps advice something please I dont want to loose her. Oh she blocked me on facebook so I set up a fake profile and probed her some and she tells me (unknowingly) that she will never go back to her ex-husband (we arent even legaly seperated yet) She says the reasons she left will never change. Im sure I know what most of those reasons are and I have been getting help for that. She also says "he wont stop trying to get me back" (meaning me) Since then I stopped. Please help what can I do?
I told the kids to have faith and hope... She says dont tell the kids we are getting back together. The scariest part is that the 17 year old wont talk to me and says he dont want me back either... So odd cause I know he loved me. Also that i dont think she would ever take the chance on putting the kids through this kind of seperation again so why would she take me back. Im sooo lost please help

By the way the whole cheating thing... I never had proof I betrayed her trust. I was looking through her phone... that was never a problem before for either of us but after I accused her of cheating it was a low blow to her I am sure of it. It was that night that she said she wanted me to leave the next day.

She served me divorce papers 5 days later but the atturney says I have two years to work on that so that is exactly what I want to do. 

I have always supported her and her efforts. I have encouraged her and she did me as well. What I am sure wore on her is my negative attitude and damaging our things. I am doing very well with all that now because of counciling. But she doesnt give me a chance to show her Im changing.... She is changing too. a year ago she got a good job and I think that has a lot to do with things too... she has freedom (kinda) for the first time since she was fourteen (she is 31 now) and had her first son. She took that responsibility herself then. I think part of this thing is that she is finding something new in herself. She says she is happier without me. That crushes me. I dont believe she really is. but I think she believes she really is. It doesnt help that her family is encouraging her to divorce. I dont know how to compete with that. Again Please help... Thank you so much in advance.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Im sure I know what most of those reasons are and I have been getting help for that. Please help what can I do?

What are the reasons and what are you doing to get help?

I say just focus on working on yourself right now. Do it for you, not for her. Be the best guy you can be, find some hobbies, do fun things. If she sees and likes your changes, great. If not you are still better off than you are now.

ETA- just noticed your edit. What do you mean "damaging our things"?


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## MarriedDude

HopefullSeperatedHusband said:


> Hello, I am very new. I want to win back my wife. Here is my story. I have been married 11 years. We have four children together and I helped her raise her son from before we met since he was 4. He just turned 17 and he chose and always called me dad. I never treated him any differently than my own child. My wife had separated with me Dec. 28th. I was crushed. The problem or should I say *the straw that broke the camels back was that I accused her of cheating.* Things during the last month or two was odd. She shut down and wouldnt talk with me so I tried to reason what the sitch could be and I was already very insecure by then so I felt that she was cheating. One day it slipped out and things were never the same. I felt her slipping away and there was nothing I could do. Everything I did was wrong. She asked me to leave for two days and then we would talk. I left but I kept trying to talk to her. *I begged I pleaded...* before I knew it she said she wanted a divorce. I was crushed. I was hard on her. *I had brought some insecurities into our marriage that grew over time.* We did everything together. We loved being around each other. All the way till the end. Two months before she left she held my face and looked me dead in the eye and said "I believe in you" I didnt get it then but I realize now that was her scream to me to get it together. She has moved in with her sister in law 45 minutes away. She took the car and the kids. we have joint custody but I get to see them on weekends. Up until now we have had very little contact. before the legal custody papers she was bringing them down once a week and we all (her and I too) got along great. I thought she was being nice because of the kids but I swear she still has that look for me. Anything other than the kids and she is not there at all! No talk of us. *She has asked me repeatedly not to contact her unless its about the kids.* I learned about no contact and I am working on myself but it is hard to not have contact because of the kids. I have respected all her wishes till now... dont contact except for kids... leave friends and family alone. I encourage the kids to be good for her and her new friends but the kids are acting out. The only time she calls is to have me talk to the kids. What can I do? Is there a letter I should write? I dont know what to do... *I truely believe she still loves me deep down but she is so cold.* When we do talk about the kids she is responsive like we are still married. she insisted that she wants a divorce. Please help... steps advice something please I dont want to loose her. Oh she blocked me on facebook *so I set up a fake profile and probed her some and she tells me (unknowingly) that she will never go back to her ex-husband (we arent even legaly seperated yet) She says the reasons she left will never change.* Im sure I know what most of those reasons are and I have been getting help for that. She also says "he wont stop trying to get me back" (meaning me) Since then I stopped. Please help what can I do?
> I told the kids to have faith and hope... She says dont tell the kids we are getting back together. The scariest part is that the 17 year old wont talk to me and says he dont want me back either... So odd cause I know he loved me. Also that i dont think she would ever take the chance on putting the kids through this kind of seperation again so why would she take me back. Im sooo lost please help
> 
> By the way the whole cheating thing... I never had proof I betrayed her trust. I was looking through her phone... that was never a problem before for either of us but after I accused her of cheating it was a low blow to her I am sure of it. It was that night that she said she wanted me to leave the next day.
> 
> She served me divorce papers 5 days later but the atturney says I have two years to work on that so that is exactly what I want to do.
> 
> I have always supported her and her efforts. I have encouraged her and she did me as well. *What I am sure wore on her is my negative attitude and damaging our things.* I am doing very well with all that now because of counciling. But she doesnt give me a chance to show her Im changing.... She is changing too. a year ago she got a good job and I think that has a lot to do with things too... she has freedom (kinda) for the first time since she was fourteen (she is 31 now) and had her first son. She took that responsibility herself then. I think part of this thing is that she is finding something new in herself. She says she is happier without me. That crushes me. I dont believe she really is. but I think she believes she really is. It doesnt help that her family is encouraging her to divorce. I dont know how to compete with that. Again Please help... Thank you so much in advance.


Why Did you accuse her of Cheating?

Stop Begging and Pleading...It makes you appear weak. Women are not attracted to weak. 

If she tells you not to contact her. Stop contacting her. She made a request, you ignore her request......How does that endear you to her?

Why do you believe she "loves you deep down"? 

She will talk to you about your kids....that's great. Adhere to her wishes and keep it about the kids.

Stop stalking her on Facebook...It's just creepy. Not only that...if she EVER EVER EVER figures that out. It's even more done than it sounds now. 

You need to explain the damaging things statement.....At my house every time I drive the excavator or bobcat over some irrigation lines and break them...my wife laughs it off, while telling me to "quit breaking our stuff honey". I have a feeling that is not what you have going on.....Did you make her or the kids afraid for their safety?


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## Flying_Dutchman

OP -

There's a disturbing undercurrent to your 'plea' which is most obvious here.

- "She says she is happier without me. That crushes me. I dont believe she really is. but I think she believes she really is." - 


A theme of your wife telling you stuff but, no, you know better.

You struggle to do ANYTHING on her terms. You 'try', but when you don't get an immediate, satisfying result you just have to do it your way.

You leave the house but can't quit bugging her.

You agree with her requests ",,, till now."

She gets cold when, again, you can't manage to honour her request to ONLY talk to her about the kids.

This pattern of putting your own needs ahead of you wife's - dating back to the 2 days you moved out in your post - is likely at the root of the whole caboodle. The reason she asked for the 2 days, the reason you're getting 'help' and the reason she couldn't stand it any more.

Likely you smashed things due to frustration cuz she wouldn't see things your way.

She's had enough, mate. You don't listen and you have tantrums when things don't go right. Smash things, and accuse her of things she hasn't done.

Smashing something. Falsely accusing her. Some women would leave if those were isolated incidents. Not your wife, she hung in there for as long as she could.

Apparently, your 'help' hasn't helped. The underlying pattern is there in your post,, and that's only the few examples you've provided..

You need GOOD help to address the fundamental belief that you're right, she's wrong and to work on your immature coping mechanisms.

She's tired of the acting out/apology cycle. She's given you time to fix yourself. You couldn't even give her 2 days. Had you done, had you adhered to one or more of her requests, she might still be there.

I can't tell how 'bad' it is - bad enough to cost you your relationship - but what I've described is a pathalogical narcissism that you won't fix without help. Again, I question the help you're getting already. Either it's been missed or it's more ingrained than your post suggests - and we KNOW there's plenty that's not in the post.

Like SGC said,, work on yourself. Change your help if it's not helping you. 

Can't help you until you learn to listen,, believe what you're hearing,, and help yourself.

I doubt this is what you came here for,, but your wife didn't leave because she (secretly) didn't want to. She left because you can't change beyond a token gesture.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HopefullSeperatedHusband

Breaking things... putting holes in walls.


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## HopefullSeperatedHusband

Flying dutchmen... You hit the nail on the head!! I never seen it like that before... not that outlined. You are right. The thing is yes the tantrums were always there but It wasnt me accusing her of anything until the end where I broke her trust. The tantrums were usually over life problems and they werent very often. and I dont know what token gesture means exactly... but I had given a lot to her. You are right she asked me to get counciling once before a few years back and I never did. I am seeking counseling now. 
Yes I have deep seeded issues that Im not sure if I even know what they all are. I just didnt realize what I was doing to her. I do now. Isnt that something?


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## HopefullSeperatedHusband

I am now actually pretty embarrassed and also gratefull for the quick and concise reply... this sounds like I will not get her back.


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## Flying_Dutchman

Token gesture - Half-hearted attempts to do what she asks of you.

And/or.

A genuine attempt but you can't last the duration. Promising not to do something again until, "Oh, shìt, I've done it again."

Example - When you moved out for 2 days you couldn't leave her alone. You 'try', but you can't do it.

Maybe you get mad,, maybe you get panicky,, but when things aren't going as you'd like you HAVE to find out or interfere - putting your own needs ahead of hers.

It's very encouraging that you acknowledge some fault and are finally getting help. Sadly, I think you may've sought it too late this time.

Certainly, if any chance remains, it'll happen cuz you've learned to cope and behave better,, not by kidding yourself she doesn't really want to leave so you start interfering.

Prioritise the help, you'll be much happier when it starts working.

It's obvious you care and want to change so your condition/mindset isn't nearly so ingrained as it could be. You just need to learn how your own behaviour is scrèwing you up,, and adjust it accordingly.

That she stuck around for so long suggests you're not that 'bad', but don't start thinking you can change on your own - look where that's got you.

Get a GOOD therapist. That should get the problem pinned down and provide you with better coping strategies. 

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cdbaker

Hopeful... Here's a truth that you should accept right now, because it will make everything easier for you:

The odds are that you will not get her back.

That's the reality. Those are the odds. You need to accept it first and foremost.

With that said, certainly there is hope, but your current efforts have only been making those slim chances MUCH WORSE. Listen to the advice of others above about LISTENING to your wife, and respecting her wishes. Begging and pleading for more chances, when your wife feels that she has given you countless opportunities already, will only *disgust* her at this point. You come across as pathetic, desperate, needy, etc. Since her impression of you had already dropped to an all-time low, you aren't doing yourself any favors. And yes, her friends/family are going to support her in whatever she wants to do for the most part, and you've got to remember that they have really only heard her side of the story, though it sounds like even your "side" is able to understand that her concerns are valid and you can't blame her for leaving, right?

So for now you just have to forget all of that, and focus on yourself and your kids for the time being. Bottom line, you will not be able to talk yourself into another chance with your wife, you will not be able to convince her of anything. At this point she isn't willing to believe a word you say, even while you are admitting your faults, assuring her you are getting help, trying to show her your efforts, etc. She won't trust any of it. Why won't she trust any of it? Because she's been hurt/let down too many times. Leaving was incredibly difficult for her, so where as you might have still had a chance to convince her one last time the day before she left, now that she's pulled the trigger on leaving she is in full defensive mode, she refuses to allow even the chance of her getting hurt again.

What you CAN do is:

1. Show her you are genuinely listening to her and respecting her wishes/needs by adhering to her requests regarding no-contact and similar.
2. Make a genuine commitment to correcting your faults via counseling, local support groups, etc. Whether that's an anger problem, an addiction, a behavior issue, etc. Think about the things your wife has complained about for years, and make a list.
3. Make a genuine commitment to bettering yourself. That means eat healthy, start an exercise routine, become more fiscally responsible, start spending more time socially with friends and trying new activities, etc.
4. Make a strong effort towards improving your life circumstances. Get your home completely cleaned up and looking amazing, buy air fresheners so that it's instantly noticeable when someone walks in, repair or upgrade all of the little things that have been neglected over the years, plant some new bushes, repaint a few rooms or redecorate the way *YOU* would like to (DON'T do anything the way she would like it done, just because you know she'd like it that way), etc.
5. Don't neglect your job. For starters, it's imperative that you don't let your emotional turmoil cost you your job at this critical juncture. (You think she doesn't respect you now, wait until you're an unemployed emotional wreck...) In fact, when you are on the job try to excel and go above and beyond. Getting a raise or a promotion would really show how you aren't letting this get you down. Alternatively, this might be a good time to start looking for a new better job if you think that's a possibility.
6. Make a genuine commitment towards being "Super Dad." Be there for your kids, don't dare miss one of their baseball games, or gymnastics practices, or school musicals. Maybe try to join the school PTA, volunteer as an assistant on one of their sports teams, sit and watch their practices rather than just drop them off, sit down with them at the table after dinner to assist with their homework, take them out on fun new activities that you haven't tried with them before, etc. (And do NOT make it about trying to show off to your wife, or try to involve her. Don't even invite her if you are planning something with the kids. If the kids want her to come, they'll pressure sure and if she asks, then you can say yes, but that's it!) 

Honestly, don't do ANY of these things for your wife. You're doing it for you. In fact, wherever possible, you should specifically try to do everything YOUR way rather than the way she might do it. With that said, the great thing about these suggestions is that while you'll improve your life immeasurably if you can commit them, each one of these will also make you a far more desirable and attractive man, both to your wife and other women. So you'll win regardless of how the marriage works out.

The bottom line is that the best way to give your marriage the tiniest hope for a reconciliation is to genuinely make all the positive changes in your life that you can. Your wife won't trust a word you say, and she wont' even trust your actions either if she gets the sense that you are doing them for her either. (Because if you're doing them for her, then even if she gave you another chance, those efforts would fade away eventually) Make positive changes in your life and your children's lives and she WILL notice them. She won't believe you can change, but if she see's you changing on your own, even when you might not realize she is paying attention, that will make her wonder if it's real. By becoming a more desirable man, that might make her view you in a slightly new light or maybe even become slightly jealous. (After all, who in the world wants to see their ex-spouse go off and hook up with an even more desirable mate than yourself??) By making yourself healthier, more financially stable, with a more attractive home, a better paying job, who is a great dad, who is capable of listing/respecting the wishes of his partner, and is honestly battling his demons even when she isn't looking, you'll have the best chance at winning another chance with your wife, OR snagging someone new who is just as desirable or even more so.


That's it. That's all you can do. I know how much it sucks to be where you are right now, I know because I have been exactly there myself (feel free to read my own story here on TAM) so I suggest you set an appointment with a counselor, or reach out to some close friends for support because it is going to be tough, but you've got to stop most of the behaviors you've described in your posts above immediately. Again, accept that the situation is probably hopeless. Honestly I really hate to have to tell someone that, but it's best that you start there, and then try to move forward with your strategy with a clear understanding of the situation. While it is probably hopeless, there is still always the chance. I can say myself that I went through what you are going through now, I think mine might have even been worse because it turned out that my wife was involved in an affair all along that lasted two years, and we were separated for three years, but it's been about 18 months since she moved back in and we're now doing pretty well. So it IS possible, but again, focus on the advice above for now.


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## HopefullSeperatedHusband

cdbaker, Thank you for your reply. All of what you say makes good sense. This is going to be a very long road. I am stuck staying with my dad right now 45 minutes away from my kids with no car. I call them every night but I have found myself talking about her from time to time. I will stop. I am really working from the ground up here. Yes I do need therapy. I have already come to the conclusion that some things DO need to change. Please pray for me cause I am an emotional wreck and things arent looking good at all. There is one more question I have. In your opinion... Do you think i should sign the divorce papers? I thought about it a lot and I thought maybe it would show selflessness. On the other hand I might make the biggest mistake of my life. Something in the back of my head keeps saying no but Im just not sure.


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## jld

You might try this.

Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife


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## ArmyofJuan

HopefullSeperatedHusband said:


> cdbaker, Thank you for your reply. All of what you say makes good sense. This is going to be a very long road. I am stuck staying with my dad right now 45 minutes away from my kids with no car. I call them every night but I have found myself talking about her from time to time. I will stop. I am really working from the ground up here. Yes I do need therapy. I have already come to the conclusion that some things DO need to change. Please pray for me cause I am an emotional wreck and things arent looking good at all. There is one more question I have. In your opinion... Do you think i should sign the divorce papers? I thought about it a lot and I thought maybe it would show selflessness. On the other hand I might make the biggest mistake of my life. Something in the back of my head keeps saying no but Im just not sure.


Yes, not signing is being selfish which is a big part of your problem. Divorce is just a legality, its not like either one of you are going to disappear off the face of the Earth. My father divorced my step-mother, married another woman for 9 months, divorced again and remarried my original step-mother. 

Right now the best thing you can do is give in to her demands (within reason) and don't pursue her or disagree with anything she says. Leave her alone, anything you try to do will backfire on you so don't do anything.

Fix yourself first, you are no good to anyone as you are today.


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## HopefullSeperatedHusband

I read reconciliation with a hardened wife. I spotted something in there that talked about restraining orders. The week before last I got a phone call from the casino where she works asking me to come in for an interview. I was ecstatic! I put that resume in a year ago when my wife and I were discussing how good it would be to have that kind of financial freedom (both of us making fair money). When she found out about the interview, (through facebook... she unblocked me for some reason) she had a pfa put on me for trying to get a job there. I thought she went crazy! I would have thought that she would have been happy that I would be able to get a place and take the kids on the weekends. That I would be able to help support them financially. But now she says she dont want me working their and puts a pfa on me. So now I face Domestic abuse record for trying to get a job! After reading the article I understand a little better why she did it. Anyway I called the interviewer (even though she cant stop me from working there) and declined. I do not want to make her uncomfortable. 

There is something else. She admitted to me a few weeks ago that she is "Talking" to someone at work. I havent spoken to her since. I wonder if my suspicions at the first where true! I asked her if she was seeing him before she left and she said no but I saw first hand that she is not above lying all of a sudden. There are so many things that just dont add up.


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## Dedicated2Her

Ok...to review.

1. You aren't making much money or as you describe it "fair money".

2. No car

3. You are prone to temper tantrums in which you put holes in walls

4. You stalk her on facebook by making a fake profile

Dude, she is the least of your worries. You are your problem. You have lot's of work to do...... on yourself. Let her go for now.


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## Regretf

You should concéntrate on you.

Get a job ASAP¨. Work on yourself. For the momento you will have to forget about her, not your kids though.

Try to be the best man you can be, try to make her decisión harder.


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## ing

Dude... Just stop it. She probably was/is having an affair and you are being gaslighted and it is literally driving you crazy.

She is gone. The sooner you accept that and get on with your life then better it will be for you. 
Let her go.


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## SurpriseMyself

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ok...to review.
> 
> 1. You aren't making much money or as you describe it "fair money".
> 
> 2. No car
> 
> 3. You are prone to temper tantrums in which you put holes in walls
> 
> 4. You stalk her on facebook by making a fake profile
> 
> Dude, she is the least of your worries. You are your problem. You have lot's of work to do...... on yourself. Let her go for now.


While this is harsh, I have to say I agree. All but the last item are things you should have taken care of a while ago.

Reading through this thread, you seem to "need" your wife more than you love her. I feel like there's co-dependence here which makes the relationship unhealthy.

There's also the walk away wife thing going on here. She tried in the past to let you know what she didn't like, although I will say based on your descriptions she was not direct enough, but you didn't take those things to heart. 

Generally speaking if a spouse asks the other one to please go to counseling, they should take that as a red flag, listen up, and pay attention. Ignore at your own peril, in other words. 

As for where you go from here, it may simply be too late. You've already been given great advice, and taking it will make you a better man. You need to be ok if she doesn't want you back. As for her eldest son, he's young and defending his mom. I know it hurts like hell, but stay strong. You matter to him or else he wouldn't care. And it shows you raised him right, since he loves his mom so much and wants to defend her. 

Stay strong and keep moving!


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## the guy

I would be smashing holes in the wall too if my old lady was screwing around on me!

What sucks is your gut was telling you something and then you played right into her plan.

I bet your old lady started pushing your button as soon as she found out her new boy friend felt the same way about her as she did him.

I also be the two of them had a time line on when you would be out the door.

And to top it off they both told your 17 year old some big lies to get him to hate you so much. Most likely his mom told him "that not only the walls got hit"!

Sorry bro but your old lady found some one else and played a big fat con on your @ss......

So...stop being so phucking nice to this "women". She is no longer the women you married and lets face it she just cost you a dam good job to top it all off!!!!!!!!


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## the guy

Lesson to all....if your spouse is cheating don't get mad...get proof!


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## the guy

This chick is so toxic..as long as you want her back you will be living at your dad with out a car and jobless.

Can't you see this toxic person has held you back from any success ever since she found another man?

You remind me of my uncle...he fond out he had lung cancer but continued to smoke....Your wife is a cancer.....you will continue to be sick if you keep her around.

Something tells me you will succeed more with out her then trying to win her back.

The script goes like this;
Guy loses girl to other man, guy works on him self and does great, other man doesn't work out, girl wants guy back.

START WORKING ON YOU PHUCK YOUR CHEATING WIFE!!!!!


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## worley

exes become exes for a reason.

unless something has changed dramatically or they are willing to overcome what hindered the relationship then they should stay exes IMHO. 
can only do so much from one side and even if you reconcile you will end up in the same position later on.
quit thinking about her all the time and use the time to do stuff you enjoy instead. it's much less stressful


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## aine

the guy said:


> I would be smashing holes in the wall too if my old lady was screwing around on me!
> 
> What sucks is your gut was telling you something and then you played right into her plan.
> 
> I bet your old lady started pushing your button as soon as she found out her new boy friend felt the same way about her as she did him.
> 
> I also be the two of them had a time line on when you would be out the door.
> 
> And to top it off they both told your 17 year old some big lies to get him to hate you so much. Most likely his mom told him "that not only the walls got hit"!
> 
> Sorry bro but your old lady found some one else and played a big fat con on your @ss......
> 
> So...stop being so phucking nice to this "women". She is no longer the women you married and lets face it she just cost you a dam good job to top it all off!!!!!!!!


I think you need to relook at the history, he was punching holes in walls long before she did anything. I am surprised she hadn't left him long before this. I guess there is only so much abuse a person can take before they move on. It's just sad that some wounded people decide to make the guilty party suffer while moving on. This is what is happening here. What goes around and all that, I guess. No one wins.


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## saraflen

In my opinion, focus on being the best person you can be and all the rest will find its own way


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## Loveofmylife921

As a man who is going through the same issue, except for the tantrums and the destroying of stuff let me say this. 
I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. I can tell you this is an extremely difficult and more importantly an emotional time. You need to remember that whatever the reason she has decided to move on. You have to keep your emotions in check. Think about what your end result is. That's to get her back. I have fought with myself over this issue repeatedly. It is difficult. But you must do this. Next, remember you have a history with this women. Use that to your advantage. Give her the space and the time she asking for. This too is very difficult. Specially when all you want is to be with them. While giving her space and time, work on you. Whatever issues she has with you, work on those a little harder then the rest. It's the same with work. Make yourself indispensable to your boss so they can't fire you. Same here. Make yourself so desirable that she will want you back. You have to make her fall in love with you all over again. Let her see you doing better and being happy. Women want a man who is confident in themselves. Keep the conversations to pleasantries and the kids. Be happy for her no matter how you feel inside. I know these are difficult because I was the same way. I thought, she was cheating and her parents pushed for our divorce as well. Just remember your goal and think about that before everytime you talk to her and see her. Work on you and be nice but distant with her til she comes around to you. If she doesn't then at least your heading down the right path for you. I have so much more I could tell you, but this is long enough already. Good luck to you. Good luck to all people in this difficult position.


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## McDean

saraflen said:


> In my opinion, focus on being the best person you can be and all the rest will find its own way


This is the best approach. Work on becoming the best version of yourself that you can(and don't stop because it's a journey) and maybe you will be so different she likes you even more than when you first met. But even if she doesn't come back, you will feel better about yourself and others may have more interest in you as a result as well. 

In the end you can't change others, only yourself....


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