# Sexual favors



## eden0718 (Jul 9, 2012)

Hello everyone this is my first post so please don't blow me out the water with your responses. Okay here goes, so I've been married for exactly 6 years this month, and before I got married to my husband we dated less than a year which was really quick but that's another story about an unplanned marriage I will address another time but my point is that my husband was and is my only sexual partner and that I really didn't get to experience a whole lot of things before marriage and it really sucks that he isn't willing to do some of those sexual favors for me( ie: going down,) but wants me to do it for him (all the time) if you know what I mean. 

Anyway when I bring it up he just tells me that he had a girlfriend who requested this all the time and it just became a chore because she ran it into the ground. Well I get that, but what does that have to do with me? I am your wife and it's not like I've got alternatives or anything, so with that being said shouldn't there be somewhat of a compromise involved? I don't know it just makes me really sexually frustrated because he is walks away sexually satisfied all the time and I never do, after six years I just have sex for him and not for myself because I've just accepted the fact that sex isn't about me and wasn't meant for me. 

It really pisses me off when he throws up all of his past relationships/experiences to me and I have no ammo because he was my first everything, so I guess he looks at me as if I am naive and don't know what I'm talking about. I hate it! Please give advice and let me know if I am insane or am I just being over-dramatic, either way I am not happy at all with our sex life.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I don't know it just makes me really sexually frustrated because he is walks away sexually satisfied all the time and I never do, after six years I just have sex for him and not for myself because I've just accepted the fact that sex isn't about me and wasn't meant for me.


Maybe you should stop having sex with him. Tell him that you have a husband "who requested this all the time and it just became a chore because he ran it into the ground".

Or straight up tell him that you have stopped wanting to have sex with him at all because you never have an orgasm because he refuses to try.

You are not insane. Sex is supposed to be mutually satisfying, and both partners are supposed to want to try to please the other. In fact, it's a HUGE turn-on for most people to see that they are turning on their partner. It's NOT a one-way street. Your husband is selfish AND clueless.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So stop doing for him what he's not willing to do for you. If he had an issue with what his ex GF did to him 6+ years ago, he should have taken it up with her while they were a couple. Tell him the people of the Internet took a vote, and said he's being unfair.

C


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Your not crazy. Tell him you're not going down on him until he goes down on you. 1 for 1. Also tell him I said this: "Real men eat pvssy." Or "pvssy, it's not just for breakfast anymore", or how about, "pvssy, the other pink meat."

Nah, just tell him the first one. The big selfish stinker.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. Tell him that you will not do oral on him until he does it on you. That from now on sex is mutal or it's not going to happen.

Also tell him that if he refuses to give you an orgasm when you want one during sex... he's not going to have an orgasm either.

My ex told me one time that my orgasms were my responsibility. So the next time he wanted sex I told him "Your orgasms are your own reponsibility." And I turned over to go to sleep.

It's the only time in our 14 years of marriage that I turned him down for sex.

It was the last time he made any stupid comments about my orgasms being my own responsibility.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm a little unclear... Do you never get an orgasm, or are you just unsatisfied with your sex life? There is a difference...

C


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

Stop going down on him for goodness sake! Sex is not just for his gratification, it should be completely mutual and he's just being lazy and selfish. 

Don't put up with this or it will burn a hole in your marriage as the years go by.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

eden0718 said:


> Hello everyone this is my first post so please don't blow me out the water with your responses. Okay here goes, so I've been married for exactly 6 years this month, and before I got married to my husband we dated less than a year which was really quick but that's another story about an unplanned marriage I will address another time but my point is that my husband was and is my only sexual partner and that I really didn't get to experience a whole lot of things before marriage and it really sucks that he isn't willing to do some of those sexual favors for me( ie: going down,) but wants me to do it for him (all the time) if you know what I mean.
> 
> Anyway when I bring it up he just tells me that he had a girlfriend who requested this all the time and it just became a chore because she ran it into the ground. *Well I get that, but what does that have to do with me? I am your wife and it's not like I've got alternatives or anything, so with that being said shouldn't there be somewhat of a compromise involved? I don't know it just makes me really sexually frustrated because he is walks away sexually satisfied all the time and I never do, after six years I just have sex for him and not for myself because I've just accepted the fact that sex isn't about me and wasn't meant for me. *
> 
> It really pisses me off when he throws up all of his past relationships/experiences to me and I have no ammo because he was my first everything, so I guess he looks at me as if I am naive and don't know what I'm talking about. I hate it! Please give advice and let me know if I am insane or am I just being over-dramatic, either way I am not happy at all with our sex life.



:iagree:

Hi Eden,
You are correct in all of your assumptions especially the one I highlighted.
Problem with some men is that they see " going down" as being " not manly ." I think his excuse is a lame one. Even if the isues with his ex made it a chore for him,at least he could start with doing it for you _occasionally._
The point is,making love is for both your enjoyment,not just his.
Maybe,just maybe,he does not know what to do " down there", and need some tutoring .
Explain to him exactly how it will make you happy if he did it,and promise to do more for him if he did it. [ carrot & stick].
If nothing works,then stop doing it for him.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Maybe he's using that as an excuse? Maybe he has been told in the past that he's horrible at it and now he's so drawn away from lack of confidence. 

Or (personal question) Do you shave? If you don't, that could be his reason for not wanting to do it. 

Try showering right before bed? Kiss him and start fooling around and casually push his head down in that area and say something sexual like "oh baby I'm so f*ucking horny, I want you so bad, lick my juicy p*ssy"


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Sorry, but IMO, any "MAN" worth his salt who has a woman whom is hygienically clean and smells good but wont go down on her, and says his last lady ran him into the ground with it isnt really attracted to women or its cultural, ie, old world wrong thinking italian, or african american..OR..closet GAY.

Personally, you have to remind me to come up for air when I get going.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I like going downtown almost as much as getting a bj. I can’t imagine expecting the latter without doing the former. 

Have only read your initial post so don’t know if there are any hygene issues. Just because others have not complained…perhaps they were less sensitive to it or things have changed down south for you. 
I would try shaving or waxing. This is great on many levels. Let him know you did it to make it a cleaner area for him to eat- as subtle as an anvil to the head!!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Eden,
I have to agree with the others here. You are NOT insane. You are NOT being selfish. You DO have a right to have a sexual relationship with your husband where he at least attempts to please you in a manner that you desire. 
I find it amazing that some men could be so arrogant and selfish to think that their sexual encounters with their wives should be so lopsided and soley focused on them. That's not what true, passionate love in a marriage is about. Sit him down outside of the bedroom and just let him know that it is unfair that he "gets his" and you are left high and dry. 
This actually makes me a bit angry. He's an idiot for not wanting to enjoy every part of his wife's body. There is not a place on my wife's body that my mouth will not go. I actually enjoy going down on her more than she enjoys receiving it. When I read and hear about men like this, deep down, I actually feel ashamed that they belong to the same gender as me.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

PBear said:


> So stop doing for him what he's not willing to do for you. If he had an issue with what his ex GF did to him 6+ years ago, he should have taken it up with her while they were a couple. Tell him the people of the Internet took a vote, and said he's being unfair.
> 
> C


:iagree: Like PBear said...


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Anomnom said:


> Stop going down on him for goodness sake! Sex is not just for his gratification, it should be completely mutual and he's just being lazy and selfish.
> 
> Don't put up with this or it will burn a hole in your marriage as the years go by.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> Sorry, but IMO, any "MAN" worth his salt who has a woman whom is hygienically clean and smells good but wont go down on her, and says his last lady ran him into the ground with it isnt really attracted to women or its cultural, ie, old world wrong thinking italian, or african american..OR..closet GAY.
> 
> Personally, you have to remind me to come up for air when I get going.


I think this missed insulting a few other groups gratuitously.


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

I agree with everything else others have said but want to expand upon that.

Does anyone else think that his attitude toward pleasing his wife is a sign of a much bigger problem? This sounds like a guy who is far more interested in himself than in his life partner and marriage. Does he do anything else for you? Does he help with housework? Does he do anything sweet or nice for you? 

Personally, I can't understand men who don't like their wives to orgasm and have a great time during sex. When my wife has a great orgasm or just a great time (even without orgasm) my life is so much better! I love making her feel good and in turn it makes my experience so much better. 

Definitely no more blow jobs. You have to understand that most married men haven't gotten a blow job in years! Tell him that the next time he goes down on you and you get off is the next time he'll get a blowjob.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Everyone's on point with their advice...this is completely unacceptable...and worrisome

It's a giant Red Flag in many ways.

Whats the balance of power like in your marriage?

Does it seemed to be tipped very heavily in your husband's favor?

Do most of your needs/wants/views get addressed and respected or are they dismissed in favor of your husband?

Do you feel you are given proper RESPECT by your husband (that's the core underlying issue I would imagine)?

Anyway...I agree with the advice you've been given, I would just say that this is most likely reflective of larger problems in your young marriage...and I would be careful going forward (i.e. if you're not pregnant---hold off on that before these issues are addressed)


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

PBear said:


> So stop doing for him what he's not willing to do for you. If he had an issue with what his ex GF did to him 6+ years ago, he should have taken it up with her while they were a couple. Tell him the people of the Internet took a vote, and said he's being unfair.
> 
> C


:iagree: If you aren't being fulfilled then niether should he. I bet he changes his tune when he is faced with pleasing himself for the rest of your marriage. :lol:


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