# Someone plz tell me why



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Hi been separated from my ex wife for about 6 mths now. Since then we haven't talked much only sending texts to each other regarding our 4 yr old boy. We had a closure talk 2 weeks ago and she decided we will never get back together and so I agreed. Now, last night I bumped into her at a party , although we didn't talk but she confronted my friend and asked him why ppl seem to hate her? I mean it's over but why is she talking to MY friends?? It's not like she liked them particularly while we were together. Omg I just want to tell her to leave my friends alone and keep her sympathetic act to herself. My question is why is she doing this ? She knows itlll get around to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

Your friend and her might actually have a friendship together. I have become close to a few of my husband's friends-- so much so, that if we get do get divorced or whatever, I'd still like to be in contact with them. My husband has become best friends with one of my long-time guy friend as well-- they call each other every day to chat! (I've known this friend since 7th grade)

She could possibly be trying to get them to turn on you-- one of my ex's did that: took away a very dear friend and I couldn't tell him what the ex did to me until years later. But I'm sure your friends will see right through that. 

I would say that since they were your friends first, if you're uncomfortable with her talking to them, just remind them that you would prefer that they share what she is saying about you/your relationship should it come up. But we're all adults: you can't tell your friends right now that they can't be friends or talk to your ex.


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Ok well, the thing is she doesn't just do it to one friend. She has done it to 4 of my friends now. Kept saying "I tried . Why do ppl hate me. " . The fact is she didn't try at all and she knows it. Plus the thing is she doesn't even like my fren ( the one she approached ) and knows that he's got my back 100%. Also I caught her looking at me all night again and also before we had the closure she said she missed me but didnt want to risk loving someone again. Also said " we'll always have feelings for each other". Then 2 days later we had the closure talk and it was like he orally became a diff person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

She could be trying to adjust--- she might really know the relationship is over, but it could being scaring her. Since some women tend to let their emotions do a lot of the decision making, she could be going back and forth. 

If this is what you want, then stand your ground and don't take her back. If you think you two can work on the relationship, ask her if she wants to try to work it out with you. Let her know that you don't appreciate mixed signals-- the comments and her staring at you-- so she needs to make a decision and let it stand.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People probably "hate" her because she's a manipuilative control freak.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

capacity83 said:


> Ok well, the thing is she doesn't just do it to one friend. She has done it to 4 of my friends now. Kept saying "I tried . Why do ppl hate me. " . The fact is she didn't try at all and she knows it. Plus the thing is she doesn't even like my fren ( the one she approached ) and knows that he's got my back 100%. Also I caught her looking at me all night again and also before we had the closure she said she missed me but didnt want to risk loving someone again. Also said " we'll always have feelings for each other". Then 2 days later we had the closure talk and it was like he orally became a diff person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



To me, it sounds like she is worried about her "image" in the sense that she worries people are going to see her as a black cloud since she is the one who ended it. So she doesn't want to come across as the bad guy so she asks your friends why everyone sees her that way, etc.l To me, it sounds like projection in a way. Or rather, how she feels inside (internally, maybe she feels like she is the bad guy for ending it) so she has to ask questions in order to clear her thoughts/mind/conscience. Make sense? So she feels if she gets someone telling her, "Yeah you did try a lot or"... "No, nobody thinks bad about you..." it helps her to feel better about herself, toa ssuage any guilt/bad feelings she has about ending the marriage. Most waywards do this in one sense or another. It's part of the Script. 

Pay no mind. Try not to be at the same places she's at.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Some people are stupid ....especially when relationships end and they THINK they might look bad. Whether they are "guilty" or not, they don't want to look bad. 

One example, my ex asked me why my family never emails him anymore. I told him "You dumped their sister, with 5 kids at home, and you pretty much seem like a schmuck to them. Period."


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

She's trying to manage her reputation. But I'd encourage you to avoid this kind of thinking, period. Who knows why she does what she does. But more importantly, why do you care? The opposite of love is indifference. Strive for that.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Ya, what seeking sanity said. 

Besides, she is only making herself look stupid by bugging your friends about it. Let it go.... this too shall pass.


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