# Husband Wants a Divorce but I Know We Can Work It Out!!



## RBs_Biggest_Fan (Oct 30, 2009)

my husband and i have been together for almost 5 years now and married for 4 of them. We have had a ruff marriage so far as we are both in the military and have spent half of our marriage seperated. We have no kids. For about the past month he has said he's just not happy and wants to know if this is as good as it gets. He still kisses me when he leave the house.. still tells me he loves me.. we still sleep together.. but i think he is serious this time. He says he wants to wait until after the holidays are over until we start the process.. because we have yet to spend the holiday season together. We have had the "D" conversation before but this time I really think he's serious... he never asks me to help him or do anything for him anymore.. 
When it comes to Him.. i am very attached and cligy... i don't really have any hobbies out side of him... I'm an only child and have always surrounded myself with one person i know i can attach to... I kno wi need to have my own lfe aside from him.. which i'm working on.. but .. can anyone give me some advice that my help me show him that THIS IS THE BEST THAT IT GETS???


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

When you say rough marriage what do you mean by that? Besides being seperated and why were you guys seperated almost majority of your marriage? Were you guys stationed in a war zone or did you guys just not want to live together?


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## Sad (Oct 30, 2009)

If he is considering separation, then being clingy and suffocating is only going to push him out faster. 

Talk to him and let him know how much you care and how positive you are about things getting better. Ask him what it is about your relationship that is making him unhappy. You don't know what the problems are until you address them. 

I'd also recommend suggesting that the two of you go to counseling. I'm sure being in the military is plenty stressful.

Know this though, you can't force him to change his mind. You can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. If he genuinely is unhappy with you and doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?


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## Nigel Heath (Oct 31, 2009)

You mention in your post about having a special person in your life you can rely on and also recognise you need to avoid being clingy. This can all come across as being 'desperate', and this is not attractive. 
Take some time to work on your own self esteem and your 'issues' from your past. As you become clearer about what you want and stronger in your own right then your husband will either find you more attractive or he will discover you are not 'needy' enough for him to feel in control of the marriage. Either way you will be in a much better place to deal with a renewed marriage or life without him.
Your future is in your hands not his.


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## RBs_Biggest_Fan (Oct 30, 2009)

MY H and i have been sepereated for the most part because of deployments. We have sat down and had the conversation numerous times over and over again... he just keeps saying "I want to know if this is as good as it gets" and keeps insisting that the only way to find this out is by getting a divorce.. seperating for a while. He says he is almost sure that we will get back together in the end.. but if he's so certain why not just try to make it work now.. i understand the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but we are seperated enough.. i mean hell for the past few months we have been on opposite shifts... and the only way i can see him is if i go see him at work .. or if i stay up at night waiting for him... I love him to death... and can't imagine my day to day without him.. but i really do feel that it's heading down that path very quickly..


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