# Simple question for guys only



## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

Sorry this one is a month late...

My wife received a text from a past single male co-worker that she worked with over 3 years ago on Valentine Days that said "Happy Valentines Day" They have exchanged texts over the years Birthdays, Christmas, etc...

My question cut and dry, as a guy would you ever text a girl that you are not sexually attracted to or possible think of her in that way and wish her a Happy Valentines Day???

I'm a guy and I say if I take the time to think of a female on Valentines then I'm interested in a little more then friendship.

What do you think?


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

no...

I would only send her that on Valentine's day if I was attracted to her.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Well I'm not a guy but I'm answering anyway (talk to my agent)

Yes it's weird


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

no, I would not.

Now, I am married and there is a woman that I used to work with that added me to a broadcast text message that me and a lot of other people receive. It is just a generic message that I get during various holidays. Valentines day is not one of them. It could be confused with a personal message even though there is nothing personal about it and I was confused the first time I saw it until I realized what it was.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Can't tell what his intentions are so I would just assume the worst and react accordingly. 

What does your wife think? Did she respond to the text? 

Is this the first Valentines text this guy has sent her? or just the first one that you are aware of.

She's married so he's being inappropriate at best. She needs to shut that down.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

I think the better question here is - DID your wife respond???


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> Sorry this one is a month late...
> 
> My wife received a text from a past single male co-worker that she worked with over 3 years ago on Valentine Days that said "Happy Valentines Day" They have exchanged texts over the years Birthdays, Christmas, etc...
> 
> ...


I would not but I am married. He is single so he feels he can do this. Not appropriate I agree.

I think it is time for her to let this guy go.

I glanced at your other threads. This is a problem in the context of the rest.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> Sorry this one is a month late...
> 
> My wife received a text from a past single male co-worker that she worked with over 3 years ago on Valentine Days that said "Happy Valentines Day" They have exchanged texts over the years Birthdays, Christmas, etc...
> 
> ...


He sounds like one of those people who send mass texts on every holiday.

Could your wife just be part of a BCC?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I don't like valentines day period. So I wouldn't send anyone that text most likely.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Well.... he is thinking about her on these days why else would he send a text. And they havnt worked together in 3 ago and he still contacts her on special occasions? whats up with that....


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I assume most guys would be attracted to my wife. I know I am. The only contact she has with this guy is an e-card on holidays? I wouldn't sweat it. If she doesn't know which side of her toast is buttered, you've got bigger problems.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

canttrustu said:


> I think the better question here is - DID your wife respond???


Let me say that probable how I handled the situation wasn't the best way to handle it, but I wanted to see how it panned out.

Well like many days in our household we were fighting that day. I was watching TV in our bedroom and her phone went off that she received a text. Now for the record my wife unfortunately has no friends and the only one who she texts is me and my oldest son. Forgot to mention this clown every once in a while. So I thought it was strange with my son being in school and me obviously not texting so I took a peak to see who it was. I saw his name and my stomach almost dropped. I was going to give it to her and point it out, but I was so pissed off I didn't want argue further. I put the phone down and thought about it... I deleted and blocked his phone number on our wireless account. I was like this mother ****er is Saying Happy Valentines day to my wife while I'm laying in my bed pissed off and angry at my wife... Also thought that if my wife didn't respond to that text he might feel embarrassed and maybe would get the point.

OK fast forward to this past Wednesday and my wife asked me that she got an email from this clown that said he tried to respond to my wives text, from Tuesday but he couldn't respond or call and that he thought he was blocked and hoped everything was ok with my wife...

I then told my wife exactly what I did and how I felt he crossed the line by texting her happy valentines day. My wife exploded at me saying who the hell am I to control her and how embarrassed she felt.

She then emailed the clown telling him that I'm and ******* and that I though that he meant more. Of course he said he didn't and joked by saying is it ok to text you on flag day or ground hogs day.

Good times...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I agree with your wife.

The way you handled that was pretty out of line.
She's not your child, she's your wife.
What you did was controlling and that may be the first time I've ever used that word as an accusation in this forum.

Talk to her about, don't pull crap like that.
Crap like that is probably why you were mad at your wife to begin with.

What's really going on?


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> I assume most guys would be attracted to my wife. I know I am. The only contact she has with this guy is an e-card on holidays? I wouldn't sweat it. If she doesn't know which side of her toast is buttered, you've got bigger problems.


You know what, I know where her heart is at and that is all that should matter, but she is so naïve and is absolutely certain in her eyes that he doesn't mean anything.

Her answer to this situation is that she is a grown woman who could handle herself and doesn't need a dad to tell her what to do...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Well whether you handled this wrong is not the issue. There is much more to this.

Look, do not even go down the road of you are not her dad or any of the other nonsense. You are way more than her dad. You are her hsuband and this guy is causing issues in your marriage now.

That said, again your other threads show issues.

I am seeing that your wife has not been attracted t you for a very long time. many years. Also she quit her job.

She has no friends. So I cannot tell what place if any this other guy has in her life. It may be nothing at all.

But from glancing at the threads it looks like you are both incredibly miserable. Is this your view? I mean I am seeing stuff like this from 2009.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

tacoma said:


> I agree with your wife.
> 
> The way you handled that was pretty out of line.
> She's not your child, she's your wife.
> ...


You are absolutely right. I admit I handled it wrong and I just didn't know how to address the situation at the time. I was really bummed that we were fighting on Valentines day.

Later that night I took the clown off of the blocking list and told her I handled it like ****, but like I said before I feel she is so naïve to this and that really bothers me. 

All I want her to say is yes, maybe it was a little weird for him to say Happy Valentines day, but trust me I could handle myself and will not allow it go any further. You know what as I wrote that I guess there is a reason why she won't tell me those words. I guess she is afraid if she said that then I would comeback with why are you conversing with someone you know might be interested in you? So she might lose him as a texting/phone friend and the only friend she has...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Do not forget that sometimes guys are in denial or passive aggressive about what their true intentions are. Plausible deniablility

Even if HIS intentions were wrong, you are painting your wife in a poor light automatically. She resents this. (Do you have some reason to doubt your wife besides some douche doing this?)

I would tell her that the majority of men (and women) you talked to on this matter IN PRIVATE and ANONYMOUSLY say that this guy has an agenda and she needs to bear that in mind. Men HATE Valentine's Day. We only put up with it in the hope it's also "Wet Panty' day and to avoid "Icebox Maritial Bed' MONTH.

So it isn't just you...and you aren't accusing her of anything. But his motives are suspect PARTICULARLY since his immediate response wasn't an apology for causing more problems in the marriage, but to Neg you as an a$$hole.

If he was a REAL friend, he'd be a friend to her marriage, not driving in a wedge. You can tell her I said that. He's pulling Player 101.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

JCD said:


> Do not forget that sometimes guys are in denial or passive aggressive about what their true intentions are. Plausible deniablility
> 
> Even if HIS intentions were wrong, you are painting your wife in a poor light automatically. She resents this. (Do you have some reason to doubt your wife besides some douche doing this?)
> 
> ...


He supposedly said he was sorry and told her how to remove the block. It was my wife who called me an ******* to him...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> He supposedly said he was sorry and told her how to remove the block. It was my wife who called me an ******* to him...


Ok so is he history or not?

But indeed this is NOT the root cause of your other issues. What progress are you making on any of those. It matters. This situation matters in the context of the rest of your marriage.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok so is he history or not?
> 
> But indeed this is NOT the root cause of your other issues. What progress are you making on any of those. It matters. This situation matters in the context of the rest of your marriage.


Actually we are making slow progress on the other main issue and no this has nothing to do with that.

I'm just looking for peoples opinions on the matter of a guy thinking about a woman on Valentines Day...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ctn594 said:


> Actually we are making slow progress on the other main issue and no this has nothing to do with that.
> 
> I'm just looking for peoples opinions on the matter of a guy thinking about a woman on Valentines Day...


A woman? No problem. A married woman? Big problem.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> Actually we are making slow progress on the other main issue and no this has nothing to do with that.
> 
> I'm just looking for peoples opinions on the matter of a guy thinking about a woman on Valentines Day...


You missed my point. When there are problems already in a marrage they impact everything one way or another. If your marriage is vulnerable then a guy texting your wife has much greater significance.


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## Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo (Mar 22, 2013)

Ctn594 said:


> You know what, I know where her heart is at and that is all that should matter, but she is so naïve and is absolutely certain in her eyes that he doesn't mean anything.
> 
> Her answer to this situation is that she is a grown woman who could handle herself and doesn't need a dad to tell her what to do...


I wouldn't text another woman on V day unless I was attracted to her, to answer your main question.

As for the above, my wife insisted for years she didn't know what men's intentions were and did so until she ended up in an EA. She's admitted during our R that she always knew what her male "friends" were after and she liked it. 

I don't mean that your wife has bad intentions, I don't know that or her. I just want to point out that many people who invite or at least tolerate inappropriate attention from others know exactly what it's about. In fact it's common.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> You are absolutely right. I admit I handled it wrong and I just didn't know how to address the situation at the time. I was really bummed that we were fighting on Valentines day.


Ok cool you know you were wrong in the way you handled it.

I don't know what's going on in your marriage but you need to just apologize for the way you screwed that text confrontation up (You've done that) and just tell your wife why it bugged you and how it looks when another man is texting her happy valentines.
Ask her how she'd like to find that text on your phone from another woman.

Maybe it's be a great opener to wade into what's "really" going on between you two.

Couldn't hurt.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

The thing is I trust her, but if she doesn't see this as an issue what's next?

Her view is why can't anyone like her for who she is and not just how she looks.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

This douche needs his ass kicked. What a loser. 

Your wife needs to pull her head out of her ass and get rid of the toxic influeence and start respectng her husband.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

On Valentine's Day a married woman should be getting Valentine cards from husband and kids. Others like a coworker might verbally say Happy Valentine Day as they pass by the water cooler. End of story


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Ctn594 said:


> The thing is I trust her, but if she doesn't see this as an issue what's next?
> 
> Her view is why can't anyone like her for who she is and not just how she looks.


She is allowed to desire whatever reality she wants.

Sadly, she lives in this one. And men are going to judge and want her solely on her looks...at least initially (one's brain and personality is hidden by the skull)

So she can WISH whatever she wants. If she's hot, men will chase her. And if she doesn't hold to good boundaries and discourage that, SHE is causing problems in the marriage...in this case due to sheer stubborness.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Ctn594 said:


> He supposedly said he was sorry and told her how to remove the block. It was my wife who called me an ******* to him...


Oh...that's MUCH better! He tells her how to reestablish contact with her so they can 'playtext' together.

How good of him! How MARRIAGE FRIENDLY of him! 

Isn't that a decision for the two of you and not Choad?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If I have to stand guard over my wife to keep her home, I really don't need her. I'm a husband, not a hostage taker. The second she believes she's found a better deal, I'll help her pack.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

There's only one woman the gets a man's thoughts on Valentine's Day and that's not someone else's woman. That's the sentiment I have about that day. I don't see it as Flag Day. 

Though I agree with you that it's wrong, I don't like the way you handled it either. 

The question is why do they think that's okay to disrespect your feelings and why are they thinking they can make fun of you? 

Is the answer you?


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## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> A woman? No problem. A married woman? Big problem.


I think so too.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

So wait- your wife is convinced that she has no friends bc she's too pretty?????? Thats kinda what you said with this : "Why cant people like me for who I am instead of how I look" or is this her argument in favor of keeping "the clown" as a friend- the "oh he's not interested in my looks, he loves my mind" thing......either way your wife has some issues if she is making those kinds of statements and this is the reason other women dont like her I'd bet. If she carried an attitude that she is prettier than most -other women will see that and THAT is why she doesnt have friends not bc she's too pretty.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Ctn594 said:


> They have exchanged texts over the years...
> 
> What do you think?


I think he wants to bang her.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

I see from most of your other posts,that not much has changed and you both are fighting alot still.

She is your wife,but even if your angry you needed to try to do something for valentines day,even if it was giving her a card.
Both of you can't communicate and only fight all the time
wouldn't you both be happier divorced.

Sorry there's many issues in your marriage.I imagine your wife is
lonely,possibly depressed as see has signs of this.
When was the last time you had a honest talk with her with holding nothing back.Both of you don't communicate,you fight.

I know you don't feel wanted by her,but doses she feel the 
same from you?

Me and my wife have learned never to stay angry,it only
makes things worse.Talk,communicate and forgive.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

JCD said:


> Oh...that's MUCH better! He tells her how to reestablish contact with her so they can 'playtext' together.
> 
> How good of him! How MARRIAGE FRIENDLY of him!
> 
> Isn't that a decision for the two of you and not Choad?


This is why despite all the rest, this guy has to be history. She has chastised her husband in front of another man who was fishing. The OM has then told her how to get around her husband blocking her. 

What guy who would only send a text on holidays would even being involved here?

Looking back to when she worked with him in the other threads and the problems in the marriage at the time this looks very suspiscious. She basically gace him the ILYBIANILWY speech back then. So there may have been an EA at the least at that time.

But ineed she should have been so into you on Valentines day that this guy would have been ignored. She is not happy in her marriage.


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## Ctn594 (May 25, 2009)

Well I shared some information (Good and bad) from this post with my wife and she completely refuses to see this as an issue. 

I explained that 100% of the responses said this guy crossed line. She doesn't care and says she doesn't believe at all that this is his intentions. 

I also explained that 100% said I handled the situation completely wrong, which she agrees with.

Like I said before I completely believe this clown means nothing to my wife and maybe I need to get over this, but the track record between my wife and I hasn't been one of pure honesty. My feelings have been crushed numerous times by her over the term of the relationship. To keep this short my wife cheated on me while engaged and had a "talking" relationship with a co-worker at work about 8 years ago. Both crushed me like I can't explain. I have been no angel over the years, but not of one looking outside the relationship. I disappointed her about 15 years ago by going to Vegas and doing Ecstasy, while she cried for me to stay. Then this year I smoked at my friends New Years eve party, I didn't tell my wife and lied to her that I was doing something else. She found out because I responded to a fellow females text that I smoked on New Years Eve. So not to get the interpretation that I'm some kind of druggy, that was my second time smoking in 23 years and the ecstasy was done about 8 times in the course of 3 years. 

I could honestly say that I'm really sick of the constant arguing and the poor quality of life. We can't seem to go more then 2 weeks without being at each other throats. Its just not fun...


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Ctn594 said:


> I could honestly say that I'm really sick of the constant arguing and the poor quality of life. We can't seem to go more then 2 weeks without being at each other throats. Its just not fun...


Then what's the upside to stay in it? 

You're definitely not a disciple of Dr. Glover.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> Well I shared some information (Good and bad) from this post with my wife and she completely refuses to see this as an issue.
> 
> I explained that 100% of the responses said this guy crossed line. She doesn't care and says she doesn't believe at all that this is his intentions.
> 
> ...


It really does not matter. His texting is inappropriate.

There should be no argument on this. Do NOT argue. Tell her you are uncomfortable with it. Taht you see it as disrspectful. And there unaccepteble.
Let, jealous, insecure and controlling roll off your back.

Arguing a guys intentions with your wife is useless.

BUT, indeed you need to be meeting your wifes needs. Try doing His Needs Her Needs together and also discuss, agree and implement better boundaries.

She is wanting attenton. Give it to her. The good kind. Do not accept her getting her needs met elsewhere.

Now all this said she is a serial cheater. So for me, life is too short.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

So much being said here about the guy who sent a text V-Day to the wife. But what wonderful V-Day thing did hubby do for wife that would make her forget all about a silly text?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Maneo said:


> So much being said here about the guy who sent a text V-Day to the wife. But what wonderful V-Day thing did hubby do for wife that would make her forget all about a silly text?


I think that is what Entropy has been saying too.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Hmm, i have several female friends i text happy bday, christmas, and various other holidays but i feel as those valentines day would be off limits, i know i would never text them then.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hmmmm, seems to me like she respects this guy friend of hers more than her husband.

sounds like your marriage has been slowly dieing over the last couple years.

do you guys split the bills or are you paying the balk of them?

check the phone records and see how often this dude contacts her. are you having sex or making love as much as you would like?


do you spend time with eachother? and enjoy eachothers company?

do you have plans for the future? saving for retirements etc?


something smells fishy to me.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> Hmm, i have several female friends i text happy bday, christmas, and various other holidays but i feel as those valentines day would be off limits, i know i would never text them then.


Ditto. I have male friends. Not ONE of them texted me "happy Valentines Day" or anything of the sort. Not one. Mainly bc its inappropriate......


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Ctn594 said:


> Sorry this one is a month late...
> 
> My wife received a text from a past single male co-worker that she worked with over 3 years ago on Valentine Days that said "Happy Valentines Day" They have exchanged texts over the years Birthdays, Christmas, etc...
> 
> ...


I have lots and lots of female friends and I would say, "Absolutely not" to a "Happy Valentines Day."


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Ctn594 said:


> The thing is I trust her, but if she doesn't see this as an issue what's next?
> 
> *Her view is why can't anyone like her for who she is and not just how she looks.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

So, your wife called you an ass hole and then he joked with her about it?
Id bust his fvckin ass, then see if he thought it was funny. 
Not advocating violence. 
But thats what i would personally do. 
Get rid of the guy. I see no problem with you blocking him etc from your accounts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Ctn594 said:


> OK fast forward to this past Wednesday and my wife asked me that she got an email from this clown that *said he tried to respond to my wives text, from Tuesday but he couldn't respond or call *and that he thought he was blocked and hoped everything was ok with my wife...


Um...am I the only one who caught this part?? SHE texted HIM??


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Your wife is everything but naive, especially now that she's known to have a history of being a cheater. 
I think she's good at manipulating and making you think she's naive.... as someone else said she's PRETENDING.
She's not a 12 year old and she knows what this guy's intention is and she's enjoying the attention she gets from him. 
You just happened to be there in the wrong time at the wrong moment and you ruined the romance that those two birds were sharing.

Wishing someone else's wife a happy vday by sending her a private text message is too pointless, unless this guy has thoughts of your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

naga75 said:


> Get rid of the guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


the guy is not the primary problem but it's the wife that doesn't know how to stop such conversations.. actually she encourages them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

Absolutely not. Never. 

This V day crap though starts lot if stuff, and if it doesn't so much "start" it, it is the catalyst. I myself found myself dealing with a W who was having a EA that this placed helped me realize was a PA after a VDay fiasco of forgetting to spend money on Her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

If you are straight and wouldn't do it to a same sex friend, you shouldn't do it to a friend of the opposite sex. If you do anything with an opposite sex friend that you wouldn't with a same sex friend, you aren't just friends. Simple.

He is fishing and even if she can be trusted she is loving the attention at the least. At worst she will turn more and more to this 'friend' instead of you and then..

With the past history you mention.. She should be told to toe the line right now or there's the door imo.


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