# I'm scared :( !!!!



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Some might know my story....if not it's (looooong) in my profile....

After the divorce was final (Jan 6th) the papers came (Jan 9th) and he tried to hide them from me....I said "Why, it's over !!!!" and he said "Only if you want it to be".....he hugged me and said that he DOES love me and he does not want me to move out....

I was sooooo happy because I wanted to be with him, but I must have built some resentment against him and unfortunately made a lot of snide remarks and accusations (he had an EA) about other women.....at that time it seemed like he really wanted to try to reconcile....and I made it hard on him  

End of January my mom passed away and it messed me up big time....all the positive changes I've made were neglected again ....

Another wake-up call happened....

One night he got drunk and wanted sex.....I didn't respond so he went to sleep.....the next day he seemed fine with me, yet he moved into the spare bedroom he said "I want to avoid things (sex)" and "Because it's not right".....

Since 2 weeks he is sleeping in the spare bedroom now.

We seemed to be getting along good....we talk nicely, smile and joke, but no affection is happening....

Again....out of nowhere I'm getting this text 



> At some point this week, we need to talk when we both have time.


My response *sick-to-my-stomach-cause-I-know* 



> About ?!





> Us. I'm doing a late dwi arrest and can't talk now. It's nothing new and that's why I said sometime this week when we have time.


I didn't see the Us. in the beginning and asked again About ???



> Jesus Christ, I said us and what we are doing. I cannot talk now. As I said this is nothing new and nothing we haven't talked about before.


I am terrified that he's done for good..... 

What could he want to talk about ???

This is killing me !!!!!!

Any opinion ????

Any advice ????

What does it sound like to you ??? 

Help, I'm really devastated !!!!!!!

Please !!!!!!


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

(((HUGS)))

Use the time between now and when you two sit down to talk and write down what you want to talk about as well. Put your thoughts on paper, even the really angry ones. Let the bulk of your emotions fly through your pen or keyboard, so you can be rational when you talk. Best of luck!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Momof2inMT said:


> (((HUGS)))
> 
> Use the time between now and when you two sit down to talk and write down what you want to talk about as well. Put your thoughts on paper, even the really angry ones. Let the bulk of your emotions fly through your pen or keyboard, so you can be rational when you talk. Best of luck!!


Thanks....

The only thing I want is to be with him !!!!!

He's a great guy who had a period of "insanity" from September through December and then got better and instead of cherishing it I turn crazy on him  .....

I know I was wrong for accusing and stuff....and I haven't been doing any of it anymore for 2 (& some) weeks....and now that I'm thinking it can only get better he wants the talk  !!!!!

Where is the bawling-my-eyes-out smiley ????????


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Calm down, Rome. I know it's scary, but you can't control what he wants to say. Wonder why he's texted you that, though?! Remember the 180. Calm, collected, upbeat. You can do this.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Calm down, Rome. I know it's scary, but you can't control what he wants to say. Wonder why he's texted you that, though?! Remember the 180. Calm, collected, upbeat. You can do this.


He texted it because he knew I would have been demanding the talk right there and then.....

I know I can't control it, but I was hoping for more time to prove myself.....

As I said....he talked about reconciling in January....my mother passed away and that messed me up.....in March is picked up working on my changes again and then he moved into the spare....

So it wasn't really time for me to prove myself..... 

What confuses me is the "It's nothing new"....what is the nothing new ???

That we're done ??? Um, yeah, that would be new because last thing I heard was "It doesn't have to be over if you don't want it to be.....I love you....I don't want you to move out".....

And what does "Us, and what we are doing" mean ???????

What ????


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Xanax....gotta try the xanax now


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Got another text



> Sorry I was short. Didn't get much sleep and lots of work to do.


That sounds nice again....


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Rome...i think he wants to talk about you two.He is also tired of this game and wants to get serious of what you two are going to do with the relationship. 
May be he doesn't like that spare and he can't take it anymore.You need to be prepared to be nice and collected and tell him that you're willing to give 100% for the relationship and that he needs to give it some more time to see that you have changed.Call it a truce and start from zero.

It's not over till it's over...remember ?!

---
So sorry about your Mom  ,can't even imagine,he needs to understand that ?! hugs
.
.
.
.


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Lots of good advise there for you, Rome. I don't think there's anything I could add at all. Being calm and trying not to overreact is hard but it does help.

I keep trying to find information about this 180 that everyone is referring to but can't find any information on it. Is it a book? A way to live? Can someone give me a heads up on where I can get information on this?

Thank you!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

vivea said:


> Rome...i think he wants to talk about you two.He is also tired of this game and wants to get serious of what you two are going to do with the relationship.
> 
> I wish that was true....but if that was the case why didn't he just tell me this weekend.....
> 
> ...


I wish he hadn't sent the last text....that sounds like maybe it isn't going to be as bad as I thought....

But then again....I'm talking about my love life here  .....


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh it seems like 10 year mark does something to a marriage. Most of the people here hit a wall around that period of time. Weird!



> I wish that was true....but if that was the case why didn't he just tell me this weekend.....
> 
> Why is he still in the spare....he had his chances often enough to show me affection and make a move....



You never know,may be he was being stubborn and was waiting on you.May be he just realized that....if he is sending you the message from work where he says he's really busy something triggered his thoughts .



Be prepared , to give 100% or 10000% is not easy at all.That is what I'm trying to do at the moment. It seems easy to say it but it is hard.I am succeeding at the moment BUT will I slip I wonder. I'm still not living with him though so I can't say for sure how it feels to give 100%.


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## Ari1979 (Mar 22, 2011)

Are you sure he's not reading your thread? You talked about Xanax and then get a nice text back. Just a thought
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Ari1979 said:


> Are you sure he's not reading your thread? You talked about Xanax and then get a nice text back. Just a thought
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 No....I don't think so....he's not a message board person unless it's about cars  

I wish he would know though how much I love him and that I'm working hard on myself.....

He's always will be the love of my life !!!!!!!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

We didn't talk, but we had a wonderful night !!!!!

Hope it means something good !!!!! :scratchhead:


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