# My man has too many Female friends



## Susan99 (Dec 9, 2021)

I have been with my man for ten years we have a really good relationship , so I thought. He attracts broken women the newest is 23 years younger , they go for a sauna once a week she is in a bikini he is naked , this was bad enough now I find out they have been out to lunch and now he plans on taking her to Portland " and stay over night in separate rooms ".
I have confronted him and he claims I'm trying to control who he is friends with . She has a boyfriend who is rarely around so my man thinks he is helping her with her relationship , he can not have sexual relations as he just got over prostrate cancer . The situation makes me feel very uncomfortable and disrespected . I have met her , I can see who she is but she has him completely buffaloed .....help any suggestions ...


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Susan99 said:


> I have been with my man for ten years we have a really good relationship , so I thought. He attracts broken women the newest is 23 years younger , they go for a sauna once a week she is in a bikini he is naked , this was bad enough now I find out they have been out to lunch and now he plans on taking her to Portland " and stay over night in separate rooms ".
> I have confronted him and he claims I'm trying to control who he is friends with . She has a boyfriend who is rarely around so my man thinks he is helping her with her relationship , he can not have sexual relations as he just got over prostrate cancer . The situation makes me feel very uncomfortable and disrespected . I have met her , I can see who she is but she has him completely buffaloed .....help any suggestions ...


He's gaslighting you. That's a red flag.
A spouse would not have alone time with somebody of the opposite gender. They would only invite them over when their spouse is home and everything would be above board.
Even if he can't raise the flag, he can still seduce her.
It's a condition of marriage, in my books to not do this.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

"You're controlling" is basically the battle cry of all cheaters. 

They consider you controlling if you don't want them getting down with other people so I guess they kinda have a point now don't they. 

I suspect that what you are wanting from us is for someone to tell you some magic phrase that you can say to him where he suddenly grows some character and recommits to you and your marriage and he transforms into a faithful and committed husband............. yeah, that ain't gonna happen. 

There is no magic phrase or something that you say that changes his character from a philanderer to a faithful husband. 

He has basically checked out of the marriage and is living the life of a single man and dating and living a double life with another woman right in front of you. 

You have two options. 

One is to accept that you are basically living a polygamist lifestyle. 

Or leave. 

You can't change him or determine his actions. You can only control yourself and determine your own life going forward.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Sweetie, they're not friends. I'm so sorry. Please remember, this is HIS problem, it's got nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with you. He's broken. 

My grandmother used to say, "You do the best you can for as long as you can, and then you save yourself." It's time for you to save yourself.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

My exH loved to rescue women. It made him feel powerful and important. He also loved to have affairs with those women.

Your man doesn’t have a boundary that keeps your relationship in a healthy place.

That’s disrespectful. There isn’t one single reason he needs to take a trip out of town with her. If he does - he’s fine lacing his feelings for her over his feelings for you. He’s willing to hurt you to go with her! 

I’d say this relationship has well run it’s course and is finished now. It’s time to see he’s openly cheating - at least emotionally. Probably physically too in the past.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You don't mention being married so it may be time to end this relationship. He appears to have few boundaries and little integrity. 
The other alternative is to put up with his bad behaviour for good.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Get a new guy. You should be uncomfortable because you are being disrespected. 

I realize 10 years is a long time & it's easy for me to sit by a keyboard & tell you to upend your life but being naked with her, going on overnight trips. . . just no. That is more than just having a lot of opposite sex friends. Opposite sex friends who you like posts on social media, maybe send a holiday card to, have a warm greeting for when you see each other in public & talk occasionally are all fine. If that is what this was, I would tell you to simmer down. This is outright wrong.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Susan99 said:


> I have been with my man for ten years we have a really good relationship , so I thought. He attracts broken women the newest is 23 years younger , they go for a sauna once a week she is in a bikini he is naked , this was bad enough now I find out they have been out to lunch and now he plans on taking her to Portland " and stay over night in separate rooms ".
> I have confronted him and he claims I'm trying to control who he is friends with . She has a boyfriend who is rarely around so my man thinks he is helping her with her relationship , he can not have sexual relations as he just got over prostrate cancer . The situation makes me feel very uncomfortable and disrespected . I have met her , I can see who she is but she has him completely buffaloed .....help any suggestions ...


I'm not sure it is such a good relationship if he thinks it is okay to sit around naked with another woman on weekly basis and is making plans to take her out on an overnight stay. He must think you are a total idiot and frankly if you allow it you are a total idiot. He has gone way past any reasonable boundary for someone in a committed relationship. Honestly, she is his girlfriend. They are dating, like it or not. He is naked with her weekly, takes her to lunch and is planning an overnight trip. If that isn't dating I don't know what is. You are in an open relationship and just didn't know it. 

I have to ask about the sauna. Typically a sauna is in the respective male and female locker rooms. Where in the world do they have a co-ed sauna where it is okay to be naked? I would think that would constitute public nudity. And wouldn't the average woman be totally freaked out if she walked into a sauna and a dude was in there naked? Is this a private club or maybe a personal sauna?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

He’s seeking out younger, unstable vulnerable women, and he’s claiming to help them with relationship issues?

How are you feeling mentally after living with a creep for this long?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

He sounds like a perpetrator…you know - the kind who search out vulnerable women and groom them.

Why would he need to travel with her? There’s not one reason for that!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Susan99 said:


> I have been with my man for ten years we have a really good relationship.





Susan99 said:


> I have confronted him and he claims I'm trying to control who he is friends with.


The ^^above" indicates to me that you have neither a good man or a good relationship.

I'd suggest you have an epiphany of sorts and come to the conclusion that you deserve a better man and a better relationship. Seriously.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Honey, he doesn't have female friends, he has lots of girlfriends.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

This is about you. It's about you as well as your relationship. You can't control what he does but you can control what you do. 

You need to define your boundaries and more importantly what you're going to do to enforce them. In this case he's stepped WAY over the line. 

If you're not going to respect yourself how in the world can you expect him or anyone else to respect you? 

When you can get to a place where you truly respect yourself, trust me, you sure won't put up with him or ANYONE else treating you with nothing but respect!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Are you married, or bf/gf living together?

Also, she doesn't have him buffalo-ed without his knowledge. He knows what's going on.

If you're not married, your options and impact on him if he's looking around are limited.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Susan99,

I'm not sure if you were just venting. If so, that's OK. We all have to vent from time to time.

What were or are you looking for from your post?

This has to do with boundaries. One either sets, maintains and enforces proper boundaries, or they don't.

You'll either set proper boundaries with him regarding this, or you won't.

He'll either respect said boundaries, or he won't. If he won't, what will you do about it?

If you don't do anything, nothing is going to change.

I take it you're not happy with the way things are, so please set upon a course to make the necessary changes as I don't want to see you live like this the rest of your life.

Good luck


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