# My boyfriend's mom doesn't like me and is trying to make us break up, what can I do?



## Pryvate

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months, we're on our last year of college just in different states so it's basically a LDR for now. We only see each other during breaks and while we're away we skype. We've had a good relationship so far, we get along and have the same goals in life, the only problem is his mom. I don't know why she doesn't like me, she met me already and she was really nice but she complains about me when I'm not around, 

I know this because last week my boyfriend was home for thanksgiving, we were playing some online games the day after thanksgiving (since we hadn't talked at all that week) and we had the videocall at the same time. I saw his mom just walking around where he was until she said "okay, we need to talk". Since I wasn't expecting her to explode with him, I just left the videocall up and kept playing, until I heard my name... She told my boyfriend that he was just wasting his life with me and that because of me he was pulling away from everything and everyone. She even started questioning my intentions with him and called me a gold digger. Then she got mad at him because he decided to spend Christmas with me and my family this year, she told him that he was being very rude and that he's supposed to be there with her.

1.- He's not pulling away from anything or anyone, we're both busy so we do what we have to do during the day and only skype at night. 
2.- I've never given her reasons to think I'm a gold digger. When we go out we split the money and it was actually my idea because he always wanted to pay but I didn't like it. 
3.- We already changed the date of the trip once because his mom started crying when she knew that he'd come to see me. She seemed to be satisfied with the changes but only for a few days, now she wants him to cancel and stay with her.

My boyfriend apologized with me for not telling me that his mom didn't like me, he says it was to protect me. Luckily he's always given me my place, he already told his mom that he's not going to cancel the trip, that he's going to stay with me because he really loves me and says that he tries to ignore his mom's drama because he thinks that she's just having a hard time letting go. Then he told me that since we started dating she’s been asking him to join different clubs because she wants him to 'be with new people' and one time she asked the dad to talk with my boyfriend about how he was with a lot of girls when he was young. He also told me that the day he changed his relationship status on Facebook, she called him and started yelling at him.

Honestly she’s making me very angry and not only because she tries to put me down but because she’s always making my boyfriend feel bad and making him choose. What can I do? I don’t want to tell my boyfriend that his mom is pissing me off, I think that would only make him feel worse so I’ve been trying to be understanding and comforting but she’s getting me on my nerves! Advice?


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## streamofsilence

He needs to be firm with her and you just deal with her respectfully, ignore her opinion of you; talk to her maybe and try to understand why she doesn't like you.


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## unbelievable

It's a mom's natural inclination to try to hang on to her baby and it's her adult child's job to pull away from her and be an adult. Every family goes through this to a degree. It's like your boyfriend's bowel movements. You know it happens but you're not supposed to actually witness it....at least not in this stage of your relationship. Be as nice as possible to Mom when you have to be around her. Encourage your boyfriend to give his mom APPROPRIATE attention. Then, stay out of it. This is his beer and not your's. You have your own parent drama to deal with. Your dad probably won't be thrilled with your boyfriend, either, at first. Sounds like your boyfriend is doing exactly what he should. He's not being ugly about it but he's making it clear that he's essentially grown and will make his own decisions. Mom will just have to deal, like all moms. Someday, I expect your son or daughter will leave you for some boyfriend or girlfriend that you will find entirely unacceptable. Later, that unacceptable girlfriend will be transformed into your stepdaughter and the mother of the smartest kid on the planet. Don't freak out about his mom and don't let it cloud your opinion of her. She cares about the same guy you care about. She can't be completely crazy or evil because she raised a guy that you think is pretty great. I've been a parent for nearly 30 years. I didn't get an operator's manual. I just do the best I can and hope I don't screw my kids up beyond all hope. This woman is dealing with a really difficult period in her life the best way she knows how. It aint pretty and you shouldn't have seen it. It's not fair, reasonable, or logical. It's just emotional, hormonal, mama drama but it's a completely normal stage of life. That crazy woman may end up being your absolute biggest fan and the one person on earth who would take a bullet to defend you. A little patience.


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## Zach's daddy

My wife's father was the same way. He wanted to control every aspect of her life including who she dated/married. Called me every name in the book. He went far and beyond to let me know he hated my guts. What it boiled down to was that, he was jealous of our relationship. He felt like I was going to take her away. She doesn't hate you. He's her baby. She's not ready to let go of him. No parent really is. It's just up to your BF to always take up for you. He has to be firm and he has to make sure mom knows that the disrespect has to stop.Kill her with kindness. It works.


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## EnjoliWoman

Agreed that it's likely not personal. And it's only five months so not super serious. Your BF was likely trying to keep down the animosity, assuming she would eventually see you aren't taking him away; you aren't after his money, etc. Let things settle down and after graduation, why don't you show her how mature you are and invite her to do something with you when you are in town. Coffee, shopping, lunch, a craft show - whatever. Perhaps once she spends a little time with you, she will relax a bit.


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