# what will it be like...



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

You probably already know what im going to say.
Ive known this divorce was happening for several months now. Had my several bouts with tears and sadness and anger and then back again. Even a few good days where despite it all i felt okay. enough at least to encourage others here, even.

but i am still 4 days pre-divorce, and all the house hunting and packing and seemingly "im moving on" stuff, i still worry that im going to sink into a dark depression the likes of something ive never considered possible. i had sooooo much invested in that family of mine. soo much. 
I dont feel it remotely possible to want my wife back, not after this. but still the residual sense of great loss is overwhelming.

I could really use some encouragement from those whove found solid ground after the divorce. Anyone ?


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

(Listen to me asking people to tell me its going to be okay)
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> You probably already know what im going to say.
> Ive known this divorce was happening for several months now. Had my several bouts with tears and sadness and anger and then back again. Even a few good days where despite it all i felt okay. enough at least to encourage others here, even.
> 
> but i am still 4 days pre-divorce, and all the house hunting and packing and seemingly "im moving on" stuff, i still worry that im going to sink into a dark depression the likes of something ive never considered possible. i had sooooo much invested in that family of mine. soo much.
> ...


You are going to be just fine. Trust me. Everything in time and at your own pace, but you will find your stride.

I have been through my ups and my downs, and I still would not consider myself fully "healed" by any stretch, BUT I am very, very happy.


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

shoo: You will be just fine. Perhaps tears and blues but this will pass. Trust me.

My moving story is pretty funny: the movers had a hell of a time with my mattress, it is very thick and floppy and weighs a ton. Anyway, they're following me and they get a flat tire. They know my apt so meet me there. My dog, in his excitement, lets a poo go right in the walkway, and yes the mover steps in it. I have to clean it up with the only thing available : a toilet brush . Movers start wrestling with mattress up a stairwell that turns! The spanish, angry and bullet fast, the huffing and puffing, the sighing and grunting, was coming out of their mouths for 45 minutes up these steps. 

Of course, I paid for it but I am done with it.

And that is my first memory for my new life. I saw the humor in it. You will have good first memories too. This is your life, value it.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Shooboomafoo said:


> You probably already know what im going to say.
> Ive known this divorce was happening for several months now. Had my several bouts with tears and sadness and anger and then back again. Even a few good days where despite it all i felt okay. enough at least to encourage others here, even.
> 
> but i am still 4 days pre-divorce, and all the house hunting and packing and seemingly "im moving on" stuff, i still worry that im going to sink into a dark depression the likes of something ive never considered possible. i had sooooo much invested in that family of mine. soo much.
> ...


You are going to experience some pain. I'm not going to lie, it's going to hurt like hell. Memories are going to flow to your mind like water to the shore. The good news is... the pain slips away a little bit each day. The tears and bad feelings will be replaced by rage and anger. Then it will pass. 

You are going to encounter the five stages of grief, that is certain. But just remember, a year from now, you will be in a much better place. A place with less drama and heart break. You'll learn the breathe again. You'll be stronger.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

It is horrible to have your heart ripped out. The worst part is feeling the death of hope. Everything that you believed now looks like a hollow lie.

The thing that helped me get through the dark days after divorce was taking the focus off myself, what I was feeling, and working with kids who were having trouble learning to read. If you can find a group where you can help other people, it will help you heal the hurt.

I am now married to a wonderful man, and I appreciate him even more due to the pain that I endured. I learned a lot about myself, and I am able to be a better wife to my husband because I knew the agony of divorce.


----------



## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

You will have ups and downs while trying to adjust to being on your own again. One thing I will suggest is try to limit how much you will compromise from your current living conditions. Obviously when relying on only one income instead of two for monthly expenses, sacrifices do have to be made. Not to mention if a portion of one’s (your) income is ordered for support to the other's (ex’s) household. Nonetheless, even if your main effort is to live frugally for awhile, try to choose a place that will not bring you down.

One of the very first places I had considered fell through. I didn’t see it then, but later I was glad the paperwork had gotten held up. Phew!!! I would not have been happy there.

Also try to look at the positives in things like, how you get to arrange everything the way YOU want it without having to consult anyone. You can pretty much do what ever you want (well, when daughter not staying with you) and not have to worry about what another person may say or think. Make a silly decision for something you want to do or get. One you know your stbxw would have not wanted at all or would have given you tons of grief about. Try to recognize the smallest of things which may make you feel a little empowered in now living by yourself.

Good luck to you!!!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You will survive this. It will suck, absolutely, but I promise it does get better every day.

And one day you will change your avatar to a smiling person and not a sad one


----------



## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> And one day you will change your avatar to a smiling person and not a sad one


Good point!


----------

