# caught my wife sexting on facebook



## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

ok i caught my wife a couple of months ago sending sexual messages to her old guy friend.The messages were reallly sexual basiclly he saying he wanted to have sex with her and she was in all these ways and she agreed. we talked and she said she told me everything but now she lies about her past, i just found out 90%of her male friends she has had sex with and she still messages the. im so lost what should i do?

ps we have a son and just got married before i found this out!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So she now knows that you found about about her sexting?

Are you willing to stay with her if she gives up her male friends and goes transparent?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

She`s got to give up the FaceBook.

No Contact on FaceBook.

Gives you all passwords, complete transparency.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yeah she know i know about the sexting but she told me it wasnt just facebook she did the same on yahoo aim. she said she did it to feel sexy.but she keeps changing her story


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can you monitor her emails and texts/call logs?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i want to stay but the more she lies the more i wanna leave


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tacoma said:


> She`s got to give up the FaceBook.
> 
> No Contact on FaceBook.
> 
> Gives you all passwords, complete transparency.


I'm gonna go a step further... watch the apps she has on her cell. If she has a droid or iphone, I KNOW there are chat apps that use the data, so it won't show up on texts... I know from experience. And if she has Facebook installed on her cell, have it removed. And check periodically to see if she reactivates it, if deleted. If she doesn't delete, then remove AND block these guys on her list. Make HER block them. Blocking them, she won't be able to see them on her page at all. If you log onto her page and put the name in, and if they come up, then you know she has gone against the agreement. If you "unblock" someone on there, you have to wait 48 hours before you can block again. Been there, done that.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

she deleted most of the conversations in her email i tried everything


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Install a keylogger on the computer she uses. 

Which brand phone is she using?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> yeah she know i know about the sexting but she told me it wasnt just facebook *she did the same on yahoo aim*. she said she did it to feel sexy.but she keeps changing her story


Without her noticing, if possible, go in and change the settings to save the history... on BOTH the computer AND the cell. Can't remember if it shows automatically when you start conversations on the cell tho.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> she lies about her past, i just found out 90%of her male friends she has had sex with and she still messages the.


 There is much debate (and books written) about about if married people should have friends of the opposite sex. Many people say no, but even those that say yes have rules against keeping as friends any past lovers. Since your wife has proven to be untrustworthy on this issue, her marital boundaries should now exclude all friends of the opposite sex, regardless or not if they were past lovers. If you did not have a child with her, I would be recommending even more drastic actions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to know exactly what is going on in your marriage so that you can make an informed decision on what you want to do. 

Install a keylogger. Get one of the ones that either emails the logs to your email or that stores the logs on a web site so you can access it without being on the computer she is using. 

Since she is lying, do not tell her right now what you are doing. Gather data for a while. You will get to know all of the accounts she uses online and her passwords. Go in and copy off all the emails, messages, etc. Get the evidince you need. The only way to get her to face what she is doing is to expose it to the light of day. with this evidence she will not be able to deny what she's been up to.

If this is what she needs to feel sexy she needs serious couseling and your marriage is in serious trouble.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> i want to stay but the more she lies the more i wanna leave


You would be well advised to leave, IMO. Her level of promiscuity does not bode well for marriage material.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DNA test for the kid, followed by divorce papers for the wife. Nondisclosure of previous sex partners is essentially marriage fraud. I'm assuming you had the talk before entering into the marriage contract, right?


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I may be labeled a prude, but there is a relationship between promiscuity in single life and infidelity. If your wife was having sex with a lot of male friends, she views it as a recreational activity, not something sacred.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> I may be labeled a prude, but there is a relationship between promiscuity in single life and infidelity. If your wife was having sex with a lot of male friends, she views it as a recreational activity, not something sacred.


Which leads to another question, why would you(OP) marry a such person. If not already, she'll be laying with multiple men because she doesn't see anything wrong with it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> I may be labeled a prude, but there is a *relationship between promiscuity in single life and infidelity.* If your wife was having sex with a lot of male friends, she views it as a recreational activity, not something sacred.


Possibly, but tell me if you consider this promiscuous or not:

Girl loses virginity at age of 15. Sex one and only one time at that age. No sexual contact of any kind until age 18, and then, the guy only manually stimulated her. They ended their relationship a couple months later, with no sex of any kind after that (this was shortly after turning 18). Meets someone new after she turns 19. Nearly does the deed with this new boyfriend after dating a couple months, but physically, they are unable to consummate the relationship. She doesn't date or anything until she is 23. The man she meets then is the one who becomes her husband. He is a virgin when they get together.

Fast forward 10 or so years, she has an EA and he does as well. Is it because she was promiscuous? What's his excuse?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If there were no children I would advise you to run like your ass is on fire. With the child I think you need to find out what is really going on so you can make a fully informed decision. Keylogger etc so you can see what she is really doing. Perhaps she has changed to other modes of communication, so you need to find out what she is really doing. 

I doubt she has suddenly ended this behavior with this one event.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed would she be as forgiving and accepting as you have been? Do you feel special and proud that she is your wife? I would also have DNA testing on the children also. She continues to lie to you and has at the least sex talk with other men behind your back and with most of her ex lovers. She has no respect for your relationship and clearly no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I am sorry but she is playing you for a fool.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

keko said:


> Which leads to another question, *why would you(OP) marry a such person.* If not already, she'll be laying with multiple men because she doesn't see anything wrong with it.


From OP:
"ok i caught my wife a couple of months ago sending sexual messages to her old guy friend.The messages were reallly sexual basiclly he saying he wanted to have sex with her and she was in all these ways and she agreed. we talked and she said she told me everything but now she lies about her past, *i just found ou*t 90%of her male friends she has had sex with and she still messages the. im so lost what should i do?

ps we have a son and *just got married before i found this out!!!*" 

OP married her before learning about all of this stuff. So, either he completely glossed over it when she told him, or she never disclosed it before they married.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

sm30,

Hate to admit the obvious... if she is sexting old boyfriends for months (who really knows) on end and agreeing that she wants sex with them... take her for her word... your wife has been sleeping around your entire relationship not just time married.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Possibly, but tell me if you consider this promiscuous or not:
> 
> Girl loses virginity at age of 15. Sex one and only one time at that age. No sexual contact of any kind until age 18, and then, the guy only manually stimulated her. They ended their relationship a couple months later, with no sex of any kind after that (this was shortly after turning 18). Meets someone new after she turns 19. Nearly does the deed with this new boyfriend after dating a couple months, but physically, they are unable to consummate the relationship. She doesn't date or anything until she is 23. The man she meets then is the one who becomes her husband. He is a virgin when they get together.
> 
> Fast forward 10 or so years, she has an EA and he does as well. Is it because she was promiscuous? What's his excuse?


To me,this isn't being promiscuous on her part.jmo


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Only been married a couple of months.

Found out she has been sexting with multiple men for how long? Before you were married?

The best thing to do is talk to a lawyer about an annulment. If she was keeping secrets of sexual (even texting) relationships with other men from you before marriage and since, then that is grounds for annulment.

Find a lawyer now.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

we talked a lil bit about our sexual past but she always said it was weird to do so and would get mad cus i wanted to know. so i just left it alone, but when i found out i wanted to know all the guys she was with to find out wat friends she had sleept with and it turns out most of them. but finding that out was so hard because she would lie and get caught in her lies. i still love her very much its just frustrating that when we talk about it she trys to make me feel like im a weirdo for wanting to know the details of the conversations


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Tell her to give up the guys or you will divorce her or seek an annulment. Tell her you cannot control her, you can only control yourself. And you choose not to be married to someone who lies to you and cheats on you.

If she agrees to give up the guys, then tell her she'll have to give you complete transparency - all passwords and complete access to all devices and accounts. Also, she has to send a "no contact" letter to all the guys she was cheating with. And she has to discontinue the friendships with the other guys she slept with from the past.

If she doesn't agree with or breaks any of the conditions, get a divorce or an annulment.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

How committed is she to mutual transparency and accountability? If she resists the concept then she is telling you that keeping secrets from you is more important to her than your trust and peace of mind. Read *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...sion/44052-privacy-vs-secrecy.html#post681005* and *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...t-means-our-marraige-what-you.html#post508117* to become better acquainted with the concepts and how a marriage should work.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> we talked a lil bit about our sexual past but she always said it was weird to do so and would get mad cus i wanted to know.


And now you know the reason why she wouldn't give you the info.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> we talked a lil bit about our sexual past but she always said it was weird to do so and would get mad cus i wanted to know. so i just left it alone, but when i found out i wanted to know all the guys she was with to find out wat friends she had sleept with and it turns out most of them. but finding that out was so hard because she would lie and get caught in her lies. i still love her very much its just frustrating that when we talk about it she trys to make me feel like im a weirdo for wanting to know the details of the conversations


She lies to you and will continue to lie.

She is trying to rug-sweep. She wants you to ignore the behavior claiming that it is nothing. 

She is giving you trickle truth. Bit of fact intertwined with lies to hide the whole ugly truth from you.

She is blame shifting. Trying to place the blame on you for her inappropriate behavior. 

All this is straight out of the cheaters "How-To DIY Handbook".

She will cheat physically at the first opportunity. If she hasn't done so already. Hate to say it but you mentioned a child. Have a DNA test done.

Get the annulment while you can.

PS - You are in love with the woman you THOUGHT she was. That is your fantasy. Not real because that honest, loyal woman exists only in your mind. RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Next time tell her that you are not wierd and it appears the both of you have different view on a commited relationship. In addition inform her that her secrets are effecting the marriage and you must now what kind of women you married.

It suck but this talk should have happened before the wedding, but since it hasn't and you now need to know what you are dealing with with regards to the women you married.

Do your self a favor and put some conditions on that love you have and set nonigotable boundries for your self and your marriage.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Your wife is a Cheap Facebook sl*t.
Divorce should be your option.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i think we can work it out and she says she sorry and it seems like she is.she told me yesterday that he sent a naked pic and she swears to god that she looked at it and deleted it, she also says nothing physical happened but after arguing she told me that at the end of the conversation he was coming to town and they said they should hang out .but she also says she just said that to be nice which i think is bull for me to forget this i need the full truth but every time it ends in an agreement and the next day she acts like nothing happend this is really pissin me of


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

troll?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

what the hell im am not a troll this really has and is happening in dont wann tell my brother or sis because they will freak out ! man wats so crazy about my story go to hell


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Either drop a keylogger on the PC, and man up enough to set the boundary of NO sexual talk with any man ever, and no meeting up or hanging with men if you aren't there too.

Or 

Just get used to being cheated on because that is where she is going to be soon hooking up.

She's married now , but she's acting like she's single and looking to hookup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i already told her no Facebook and so far thats been good just wish i had the convo in writing instead of her saying i like i said this or that but thanks for ur comments i really appreciate them


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Your problems are just beginning. Its not a matter of if she'll cheat on you one day, but when. She's addicted to male attention and you already know she can and will lie to your face. This isn't over by a long shot.

Being married to someone you can never trust is a recipe for disaster.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> She told me *yesterday that he sent a naked pic* and *she swears to god that she looked at it and deleted it*, she also says nothing physical happened but *after arguing she told me* that at the end of the conversation *he was coming to town and they said they should hang out*


This woman does not understand what it means to be married.

I know that there are many things in this thread that are hard to hear. Just understand that many of us have been betrayed in our own marriages and have watched many other people struggle with infidelity. We say none of these things to hurt you--we are trying to get you to fully understand the gravity of this situation you're describing.

This woman has almost surely cheated on you since you've been together.

1. You know for certain that she sends sexually promiscuous exchanges to men via facebook.

2. You also know that she exchanges sexually promiscuous exchanges with men via Yahoo messaging.

3. You are seeing the men solicit her for sex and she is agreeing in these messages.

4. YESTERDAY she admitted to you she planned to meet a man WHO SENT HER A NAKED PICTURE. Where on God's green earth is this ok? I don't care if they were going to coffee with the mayor, there is only one reason, and one reason only, that this man wants to meet your wife. She KNOWS that reason and she is AGREEING TO MEET HIM. Quick, 1+1=WHAT? zero? No, dude.



Here is what is really sad. Like, tragic. You say this:


supermad30 said:


> i think we can work it out and she says she sorry and it seems like she is.


and then you say this:



supermad30 said:


> *every time* it ends in an agreement and *the next day she acts like nothing happend*


So clearly she KNOWS you hate this. She KNOWS it is causing you great pain. So why is she continuing to do this? Flirt with men and agree to sex AND AGREE TO MEET THEM.

Let's say (for the sake of argument) that she truly cares about your feelings. Why would she engage in this behavior? Because she ENJOYS it. She enjoys it A LOT. It is a powerful compulsion for her. Some women have problems in their lives, so they go shopping and buy too much stuff. Other women have a glass of wine...or five...throughout the day to calm their anxiety.

Your wife gets on facebook, and within minutes, she is in a dream world. She is hot, she is sexy, she is wanted. I know, you want her too. But she wants to be wanted all the time, and she wants to be wanted by an unlimited number of men, and you, unfortunately, are just one man and that is simply not enough.



supermad30 said:


> this is really pissin me of


Find your anger. You don't have nearly enough. Try this on for size: she is not going to dump you, because you make a terrific babysitter while she goes and meets men she sexts with via Facebook.

This is just my gut reaction. I would not trust this woman with either a computer or a smartphone. She is an addict and is going to find her crack no matter where you try to hide it. I would only trust her with a child's phone (the kind where you control what numbers it can dial) that has no Internet access. Computer has a permanent keylogger and the phone has GPS. Car has GPS too. 

Do you see where this is leading? You cannot monitor her 24/7 for the rest of your married life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> i already told her no Facebook and so far thats been good just wish i had the convo in writing instead of her saying i like i said this or that but thanks for ur comments i really appreciate them


ok no facebook. What else are you asking her to do to rebuild her trustworthyness?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Why does she do this? I mean this all sound like rug sweeping in the 1st degree.
Sorry brother put her getting angry is her way to manage you. The mind set here is lets get in a fight and argue, so we don't have to deal with her personal issues of vaildation and her unhealthy behaviors.

This ain't going away man, until she takes the step to understand her self and gets the tool to cope with her problems.

Its a shame she doesn't want to face who she is and try to better understand her self. It will do her a world of good in prventing it from happening again.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> she told me yesterday that he sent a naked pic and she swears to god that she looked at it and deleted it, she also says nothing physical happened but after arguing she told me that at the end of the conversation he was coming to town and they said they should hang out .but she also says she just said that to be nice


 He sends her a naked picture of himself and when he comes to town she agrees to hang out with him to be nice. It would be nicer if she would act like she was married.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> i already told her no Facebook and so far thats been good just wish i had the convo in writing instead of her saying i like i said this or that


This is classic emotional abuse and manipulation. Look up "gaslighting".


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> ok no facebook. What else are you asking her to do to rebuild her trustworthyness?


THIS!
You can't leave it just at "no Facebook" and it's all ok. She needs to give you access to EVERYTHING. I mentioned before that there are chat apps she could EASILY use to hide her sexting! I used them myself when I was involved in my EA. My DH knew about the app, he had it himself. Even talked with the guy on it. But ANY chat apps can do it. It isn't just facebook. Seriously, yahoo, msn, google chat? All have that possibility. By saying "oh it's ok, she's not using Facebook anymore", you are just letting her move it elsewhere. I would honestly be more surprised if she wasn't. Oh, and these apps also allow for photo transfers. Easy to hide. And if you don't push for total access to everything, you are just allowing it to happen.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Sorry but she is playing you for a total fool. If a woman sent you a nude picture of herself and said she was coming to your city wanting to meet with you and your replied we should hang out together; would your wife believe that you only said that to be nice? It is so ludicrous for you to believe this. I have been on this board for awhile and I have never seen someone who is in such total denial as you. I wish you luck because you will need it.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Make her sign a POST--NUP---right now---giving you an 80/20 split, and full custody, along with no alimony---put in a DURESS clause---you will see how serious she is when you make your demand---also---complete NC, with all males---just demand the boundaries, if she refuses, then if you are just married, get an annulment---if married to long---then put D., on the table----up to now---you haven't done anything to force her to take a stand----let's see where she really stands in re: this mge.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> i already told her no Facebook and so far thats been good just wish i had the convo in writing instead of her saying i like i said this or that but thanks for ur comments i really appreciate them


You can download her entire facebook log. You'll need her FB password, and email password. They'll email it to her. If she balks at this, that's very telling.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

supermad30 said:


> i want to stay but the more she lies the more i wanna leave


Then leave. If she can't tell the truth to you now to help save your marriage then she'll never do the right thing ever. The only person that matters is her, not you. You're just along for the ride and to provide financial stability.

If you want the truth, you get the truth. If she's unwilling the F her and move on.


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