# Husband's Personal Hygiene



## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

It's not a deal-breaker, I still love my husband, but, in the last few months he has not been keeping up on himself. He is overweight, but that is not the main issue, I could lose 10-15 pounds myself.

The issue is he does not shower everyday now. He will claim he has not been physically active (part of the weight problem) or that he has not sweated, gotten dirty etc, and he doesn't stink but he is not 'fresh'. We run a business where he has direct contact with our customers so he will put on clean clothes but maybe only does a quick 'clean-up' with a wash cloth first. This also means he is not washing his hair and it shows but he wets it and combs it before he goes to work. He also does not brush his teeth enough or sometimes won't put on cologne , and now he needs it!

I have tried to make lighthearted comments about how is hair is getting long because he kept putting off getting a haircut. I've asked him if he wants to shower first, before me, as a hint, but he says he'll do it later and then he doesn't. He waits until he has no time before leaving and then just gets dressed and goes.

He's not depressed but, he is sensitive and I don't want to insult him and bruise his ego. I don't want to be close to him these days. Our sex life has slowed down quite a bit because of it for me. This is fairly new, and it might sound silly after all these years of marriage, to be asking this. Is there a nice way to tell him? Do I just tell him and hope he doesn't give me the silent treatment and sit at the computer playing card games even more? Another time-waster bad habit of his.

I am not perfect, and not a perfectionist, but I need to figure out how to broach this subject. Thoughts?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Stop tip toeing around the subject.

"Husband, I love you. But lately, you have been lax in your hygiene. Not only does it concern me regarding our clients, but it is affecting my attraction towards you."

It will hurt him. But he is owed the truth about how you feel. Then it is up to him to either choose to risk the things you mention, or actually do something about it.

I know when my wife drops hints, I don't get them. When she is direct, I receive things loud and clear. 

And they do sometimes hurt, but I would rather have someone trip me if I was blindly running toward a cliff than to try and gently tell me, because it is hard to hear a whisper while moving so fast.


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## depressedandexhausted (Aug 24, 2015)

Man, sounds like one of my old soldiers from the army. How do you know he isnt depressed? Depression is something that can hide, it is almost impossible to find unless you know what your looking for. I have PTSD, I have depression and anxiety from it. You wouldnt be able to tell, my parents and my close friends have no idea. However, if you sit in one of my individual counseling sessions you might have the same response. My last counselor, gasped after I told her everything. You may feel you know him, and know him well, but hygiene is a big factor when it comes to depression.

I suggest you chase after him with a bottle of soap and a squirt gun. JK though it might spice up your sex life a little.

Honestly, hygiene is a big deal breaker for me, and it seams it is for you too. Try writing him a letter. This way your not putting him on the spot, he doesn't get too embarrassed and he knows how you feel. If he chooses to ignore you, do what I did to my soldiers that refused to shower, drag him outside and have two buddies hold him down while you spray him with a hose and cover him in soap. Harsh but you would be surprised how quickly somebody gets the hint to keep up with themselves.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The old song says "...accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative... latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with mister in-between..."

I suggest you try a "reward" system.

On the occasions where he does shower and clean himself up, try giving him affection and a compliment on how good he smells, how you like his cologne or body wash, etc. 

You may want to also try some praise for his other attributes or behaviors, if you admire him for being a good dad, sacrificial husband, good provider, etc.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I agree with farside, stop dropping hints. Tell him he smells and needs to shower everyday. Tell him customers notices his appearance and it will affect business.

I will refuse to sleep and have sex with a stinky joe. He is going to have to sleep else, until he showers. 

Start setting the alarm 1/2 hour early to give him time to shower.

I let my husband knows if he needs a quick washup and to brush his teeth. I prefer to tell him before someone else does. He likes that I care about his appearance. 

Take charge girl. Sometimes, they regress to their teenage years.


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## depressedandexhausted (Aug 24, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> I agree with farside, stop dropping hints. Tell him he smells and needs to shower everyday. Tell him customers notices his appearance and it will affect business.
> 
> I will refuse to sleep and have sex with a stinky joe. He is going to have to sleep else, until he showers.
> 
> ...


This! 
Sometimes I have so much stuff to do and dont think about the basics.


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## lilbitoluv (Aug 14, 2015)

TJW said:


> The old song says "...accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative... latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with mister in-between..."
> 
> I suggest you try a "reward" system.
> 
> ...


Wrong! You shouldn't have to reward your spouse for keeping their ass clean! If sex has decreased because of it, it needs to be talked about. He might be going thru something. People dont just stop showering for no good reason. I will tell my bf to shower if i had to but thank goodness i dont. Tell him and get it over with. Be sensitive but not so sensitive that he doesnt take you seriously.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Buy him a gift basket consisting of various soaps, body washes, loofahs, wash cloths, towels, pit stick etc. Sign the attached card "For you, my love, because you stink".


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

What is it lately with all these threads about husbands who refuse to keep up their personal hygiene?

Is it my imagination, or is this lack of hygiene becoming epic? Maybe some type of syndrome? Something in the air? The "new" cultural shift?

I honestly don't understand why all these people are refusing to bathe.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

lilbitoluv said:


> Wrong! You shouldn't have to reward your spouse for keeping their ass clean!


:lol: Exactly!!!! We're talking about a GROWN MAN here, not a little kid.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> What is it lately with all these threads about husbands who refuse to keep up their personal hygiene?
> 
> Is it my imagination, or is this lack of hygiene becoming epic? Maybe some type of syndrome? Something in the air? The "new" cultural shift?
> 
> I honestly don't understand why all these people are refusing to bathe.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just turn on your inner vixen, saunter up to him oozing sex and say "I want to suck you harder than a 200hp shop vac but I want you clean enough to eat and smelling of (insert lovely cologne scent) in 20 minutes or less!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> What is it lately with all these threads about husbands who refuse to keep up their personal hygiene?
> 
> Is it my imagination, or is this lack of hygiene becoming epic? Maybe some type of syndrome? Something in the air? The "new" cultural shift?
> 
> I honestly don't understand why all these people are refusing to bathe.


Yeah. I actually get nauseous thinking about what some of these folks are going through!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It is now sounding greatly like his personal hygiene has denigrated to the point that instead of being circled by a bevy of buzzards moving in for lunch, that those very same buzzards might be leaving the county because he is now riper than they are!

There is no excuse whatsoever for personal filthiness! None! You need to tell him to shape up or ship out!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *It is now sounding greatly like his personal hygiene has denigrated to the point that instead of being circled by a bevy of buzzards moving in for lunch, that those very same buzzards might be leaving the county because he is now riper than they are!
> 
> There is no excuse whatsoever for personal filthiness! None! You need to tell him to shape up or ship out!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK. Good late night laugh! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It sounds to me like there might be some bigger problems here than just hygiene. Not only is he not bathing, and your sex life has gone downhill, but it sounds like he regularly gives you the silent treatment and uses PC/video games to avoid you/shut you out. (This sounds remarkable similar to my XH in the latter yeard of our ill-fated marriage, actually. But I digress.)

I think he's probably depressed, and it's causing marital problems. OR... marital issues are causing the depression. OR it could be both, or other things. These things can work in tandem.

I think you need to say something to him about the hygiene thing, as mentioned above, but I have a feeling that will only be a short-term fix. I think you need to get him to talk to a therapist, and see where that goes. Unfortunately, this is HIS problem and something HE needs to fix. There's only so much you can do, and you'll have to decide for yourself just how much you're willing to endure. Because if he chooses NOT to address it, if he chooses NOT to fix it, you may have some difficult decisions to make.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It does sound like depression. You could also hop in the shower and call "oh honeyyyyyy"!


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

I would be completely repulsed if my husband wouldn't shower. 
Not only because he would stink but I would also have a hard time respecting a grown man who doesn't know how to keep himself clean. Yuck!

This is how you can broach the subject with your husband:

"I notice that you don't like to bathe or brush your teeth. Neglecting your personal hygiene is a huge turn off. 
I find myself not wanting to be intimate with you because you do not smell nice. Please shower and brush your teeth every day or else I won't be able to stay married to you."


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I've recently left my H of nearly 3 years and his personal hygiene (total neglect by choice) was one of the reasons Refusing sex didn't work for me because he never wanted sex anyway (that was another reason that my marriage failed). He regularly goes 3 weeks without bathing or showering and doesn't wash on a daily basis either. His lack of hygiene meant that I was changing the bedding at least twice a week as I can't bear to sleep in a stinky bed. In the end, I gave up and moved into the spare room where I could sleep in a clean bed rather than being kept awake by his foul smell. I've visited several times since moving out and into my own place and I can see that his house is turning into what looks like gross student digs! Bins are overflowing, the toilet is dirty, the whole house is covered in a layer of dust and he's still using the same towel that he was using on the day I left (without having washed it) more than 3 weeks ago. When I visited yesterday to help him with something he was doing on the computer, he was wandering round barefoot and his feet were dirty - not just on the soles, but the tops of his feet as well. If withholding sex doesn't work, you may have to threaten to leave him. However, be very careful about issuing this threat - you'll need to be prepared to carry it out (as I did) if he doesn't shape up. 

Lack of hygiene was just one of the issues that ruined my marriage, there were other, more serious issues to take into consideration as well. He's lazy and sits round watching TV all day, doesn't work and has hardly any income so I was responsible for most of our bills, including rent. He has a vile temper, constantly verbally abused me and then when the abuse turned physical (he pushed me, which I believe will lead to worse physical abuse), I told him I wanted a divorce and was leaving. Despite him begging me to stay, I left and am now much happier living on my own in my own (clean) house.


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