# Married Women and Bars



## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

I was on the phone with a childhood friend of mine. She talked about how tired she was b/c she didn't get in until 4 am that morning! She said she and her friends had a GNO which is why she got in that time of morning. She's a school teacher and a good person. However, I can't help thinking that if I were to do that, my husband would flip the h*ll out. He would accuse me of everything under the sun as I would him if he did that. Is this common in marriages? I'm just curious. I have no interest in a GNO and my husband doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family. I was just so shocked when she told me that lol! Maybe I'm just getting old, but that wouldn't be cool with me.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's common in bad marriages and adutlerous marriages.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

No marital good can come from a GNO that last until 4am, IMHO.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I'm fine with GNO, provided it's not with toxic friends and the G is just for girls. 4:am is also fine, if it's just chicks playing cards and drinking wine, or sitting in the back yard talking personal chit. If it's at a bar, club, or other meat market, not cool...plus, most close well before 4:am.

I've been at plenty of bars/lounges to know what REALLY happens on GNO. I wouldn't be married to one of those women.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hicks said:


> It's common in bad marriages and adutlerous marriages.


Oh God, not another GNO bashing thread!!!!


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## laya (Jun 4, 2013)

i just wanted some different perspectives. i wasn't sure we were abnormal. my friend did mention to me a few years ago that her husband almost cheated on her and so maybe it's went downhill from there. but, yeah a gno that isn't at a bar or other place where men are looking to hook up might be okay, but 4 am seems a little too late for any kind of gno, but that's just me.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So I know me. If I am out drinking and hanging out with women at 3am ... I am on the highway to hell.

Meaning I am sliding fast and someone please throw me a rope and pull me from the abyss. Nothing may happen but dang this is a very bad sign.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

laya said:


> i just wanted some different perspectives. i wasn't sure we were abnormal. my friend did mention to me a few years ago that her husband almost cheated on her and so maybe it's went downhill from there. but, yeah a gno that isn't at a bar or other place where men are looking to hook up might be okay, but 4 am seems a little too late for any kind of gno, but that's just me.


Certainly for my wife and I, neither would be out with friends that late, and neither would stand for the other doing so. But that is us.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I can't be gone from my children like that, let alone the wife.

A mistress is going to have to make house calls.


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## justwantshappiness (Jun 11, 2013)

I am in an unhappy marriage without children so maybe my thoughts are a little biased but sometimes it is nice to just dress up, go out and dance with your friends. This does not always necessarily mean that a married woman is looking for trouble but that's just my opinion.


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## Bluecollar (May 23, 2013)

Married women and bars.....want to end up divorced women.
4am is enough time for last call and a couple rounds in the backseat of someone's car.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

laya said:


> but 4 am seems a little too late for any kind of gno, but that's just me.


Nope, it's not just you


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

4 Am in the morning I am usually either just waking up to start my day, or spooning my wife in bed , after some " _good morning_ "sex.

Don't want to spoil that.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Even when I was single I was usually home by midnight.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

laya said:


> I was on the phone with a childhood friend of mine. She talked about how tired she was b/c she didn't get in until 4 am that morning! She said she and her friends had a GNO which is why she got in that time of morning. She's a school teacher and a good person. However, I can't help thinking that if I were to do that, my husband would flip the h*ll out. He would accuse me of everything under the sun as I would him if he did that. Is this common in marriages? I'm just curious. I have no interest in a GNO and my husband doesn't seem interested in going anywhere without his family. I was just so shocked when she told me that lol! Maybe I'm just getting old, but that wouldn't be cool with me.


My husband would never accuse me of being unfaithful -or have bad names for me -even if I did DO a GNO thing... though coming in at 4am .....He'd expect a phone call, an explanation ....he is not the type that would forbid it... though there is 3 things I know....

*1)* He wouldn't be able to sleep until I got home... he is funny like that...so If I wanted him to drag a$$ the next day at work, I'd stay out late.... He needs to know I am safe..

*2)* Although he may not question MY behavior out & about, he would worry about the men around me.... and 

*3)* he'd wonder what is up with me, as this has never been something I cared about doing - in my life, not even coming in at a regular hour. 

I'd much rather get together with Couples... and go out.... 

The most I ever did with my Girlfriends was go see the Chippendales (they were fakes though)... I had a good time.....It was funny...he knows me so well... he completely guessed what I would think of them... I told him they were too muscly for me... not so much of a "turn on" anyway... that's what he thought I'd say! Loved their dancing though.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Wife's shouldn't even be let near chocolate bars!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lonesomegra said:


> Wife's shouldn't even be let near chocolate bars!!!


Thems fightin words! Not even a little bit funny!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> 4 Am in the morning I am usually either just waking up to start my day, or spooning my wife in bed , after some " _good morning_ "sex.
> 
> Don't want to spoil that.


I'm probably just got up for my early morning pee and now I'm back in bed... spooning the wife... whispering sweet nothings in her ear...getting something started....


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Any time in dance clubs or bars a GNO is a dangerous thing.

GNO til 4AM with women all alone drinking wine BSing in the back yard... generally not a problem
GNO to the mall then one of their houses till midnight. no problem
etc.

Where and when and how late all factor...


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> So I know me. If I am out drinking and hanging out with women at 3am ... I am on the highway to hell.
> 
> Meaning I am sliding fast and someone please throw me a rope and pull me from the abyss. Nothing may happen but dang this is a very bad sign.


Yep.

Maybe alot of you are stronger than me, and I guess I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, but I know me, too. The combination of booze and broads (don't shoot me, I just like alliteration) would crumble my boundaries like the walls of Jericho.

Maybe it's different for women in general. But I wouldn't bet the farm, or marriage, on it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

GTdad said:


> Yep.
> 
> Maybe alot of you are stronger than me, and I guess I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, but I know me, too. The combination of booze and broads (don't shoot me, I just like alliteration) would crumble my boundaries like the walls of Jericho.
> 
> *Maybe it's different for women in general. *But I wouldn't bet the farm, or marriage, on it.



Ummmmmm .... hell no.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> So I know me. If I am out drinking and hanging out with women at 3am ... I am on the highway to hell.
> 
> Meaning I am sliding fast and someone please throw me a rope and pull me from the abyss. Nothing may happen but dang this is a very bad sign.


When I was young, my dad used to always tell me.

"Son, if you ain't in bed by midnight... hell.. come on home!"


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ummmmmm .... hell no.


I agree. It was more of an invitation for someone to try to make the argument that that was indeed the case.


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

Women that frequent bars are not marriage material. I would even go as far to say that as a general rule, do not marry a school teacher. Many of them are not marriage material. The profession breeds infidelity.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

I love unscientific commentaries.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Oh God, not another GNO bashing thread!!!!


LOL!

Do BNO threads get equal bashing around these parts?

My friends ages 45-55 do the GNO thing every once in awhile. We don't go to single bars because the drinks are too expensive :rofl: so maybe a nice restaurant, a couple of glasses of wine, no dancing & are home no later that midnight because we are old & tired LOL.

It cracks me up that all GNO's seem to be painted with the same brush on TAM. The holier-than-thou's come out en masse declaring war on the dreaded GNO!

Each GNO & the participants is different. Each marriage is different. It just seems like some posters equate a GNO as a married woman either trolling for other men or other men trolling for the married woman & not giving the married woman enough credit for being able to fend off random strange men.

Back to the OP - I agree with you that 4:00 am w/o hubs requires more information before offering an opinion.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> I love unscientific commentaries.


I particularly like bizarre commentaries. Sometimes I'm tempted to "like" them just for the incredulous laughter they provoke.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

No they are not the same except that every dance club, singles club and bar is a danger zone.

I see zero wrong with your GNO Emerald. We have had too many in CWI where it started at a GNO but its a club or bar.

For the record. In EVERY case the opposite rules should hold true. BNO at a club or bar... BAD idea. This should be a rule for BOTH. Individual dispensations given rarely like your BF is having her bachelorette party but then with strict rules (same goes for bachelor party)


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

WL is right, I hope no one took my comments as an acorss the board condemnation of GNO's, because that's not the case at all.

For me, the danger zone is a bar or club where the alcohol is flowing and there's alot of interaction with women. I don't do BNO's in that setting, and I'm skeptical of anyone who says it wouldn't be a problem for them, man or woman. Perhaps I'm just projecting, but I don't think so.

And Ravioli, beware of female astronauts, too. You know how whacked out THEY can be, what with driving cross-country with a pee bottle and all. :rofl:


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

GT. Statistically teachers cheat at a much higher rate. Damn if I can remember the source. Wait staff was on the same list.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> GT. Statistically teachers cheat at a much higher rate. Damn if I can remember the source. Wait staff was on the same list.


I'll take your word for it. Ravioli's comment just gave me one those where-the hell-did-THAT-come-from moments.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'd like to know where you guys live that there are that many bars that regularly stay open until 4am.

And then in the US and I am guessing also in Australia, where you have to drive everywhere you can' drink too much can you.

The last time I was visiting friends in LA, I was talking about getting a taxi to go somewhere and people laughed at me.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

ravioli said:


> Women that frequent bars are not marriage material. I would even go as far to say that as a general rule, do not marry a school teacher. Many of them are not marriage material. *The profession breeds infidelity.*


How so? even elementary school teachers?

I would disagree with that. My mother was a school teacher and so is my wife. So I have a soft spot for teachers


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Bar at 4am? That wouldn't happen in my marriage. Neither my husband nor I would do that. Bad idea.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'd like to know where you guys live that there are that many bars that regularly stay open until 4am.
> 
> And then in the US and I am guessing also in Australia, where you have to drive everywhere you can' drink too much can you.
> 
> The last time I was visiting friends in LA, I was talking about getting a taxi to go somewhere and people laughed at me.


Most bars close at 2am. If you are not on your way home you are through the looking glass. Perhaps you stop off at Denny's or Fantasy Waffle to sober up and have some breakfast. But IMO you should be getting home after that.

I never do this personally when I am home. On any given business trip this may happen once in five trips.

My wife does not do this period.

If either of us were to though, we would have let the other know about the possibilty and there would be communication around it. I would not go to bed withou knowing my wife was home safe. Period. This has zero to do with infidelity.

I would worry more about drunk drivers or my wife having a flat tire in a bad stretch where she could be grabbed and hauled away. Yes this does happen. This is not the time of night to be out on the road.

Forget about 3am or 4am.

Now the above is just about the times. But if one is hanging out at clubs that close and it takes you hours to get home WTH are you doing? 

I would not do this to my wife and I would not stay married to a woman who even thought this was ok.

My wifes GNOs are marriage friendly. The wildest have been when she is out with coworkers for Dinner at Chiles and gets home before 10. There was the Christmas party that was all women at her female bosses house where they had some wine. Boring? Perhaps. I think the latest she has have been out was like 1:30am.

But there is NFW I would be down with my wife hangng out at a singles club at all, let alone into the wee hours. If I did that, like I said I would be divorced by now. I should be home in bed banging my wife.


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## Foolish1 (Apr 5, 2013)

I don't understand what women are doing at bars for that long. My husband used to go out to a bar with his guy friends to play poker for a few hours, sometimes until 1-2 am, this was before we had children. I can't imagine being out that long if you weren't playing a game or something. Drinking and hanging out would be fun, but I'm guessing it starts at 6 or 7 pm? It seems like so much time and it's just not my thing. I do a GNO with some coworkers a couple times a year, but it's more like a girl's early evening out. We go to dinner after work, around 4:30, and are done around 7. It's just the dinner, no bars. It always seems like plenty of time to me.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Let's be honest folks. At least much of the time it is about taking the long way home. This is NOT gender specific. I love time out with my work mates. Once in a while. But the folks I know who do this a lot just flat do not want to go home / be home.

Roger Hodgson - Take The Long Way Home (Take The Long Way Home) - YouTube


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

GNO's and BNO's are not just healthy, I believe they're necessary.

I think the important thing here isn't just time...it's being respectful. If a gal goes to the bar against her husband's wishes, then that's just flat out wrong...and vice versa. 

Personally, I used to host a lot of karaoke, and my husband absolutely hates karaoke. He always knew where I was, he knew I was making money (and having some drinks) and was always happy to come pick me up at 2 or 3am if I needed a ride.

Conversely, I can't count the number of times hubs has been hanging out with the boys (usually go to the bar for a few drinks, then back to a buddy's house for a few more) and let time get away from him. 

On the flip side, I used to go out a lot with one single friend of mine and she just CONSTANTLY trolled for guys. This did invite some unwanted attention for me and I'd usually just leave. People like that aren't very helpful (or considerate) of married/taken friends and I try to just keep them away from a lot of social activities. 

To automatically assume someone's up to no good because they don't come home till 4 AM isn't really fair...then again, this is coming from a girl who has been working the night shift for the past three years  

Long as each spouse knows where the other one is, is kept in contact with as the night goes on and there's trust on both sides...what's the problem?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Last time I got home at 4am, there was a vague memory of being on stage with a drag queen, hubs cheering me on, a lot of vodka involved and waking up in the bath-tub. It wasn't one of the most graceful nights I've experienced and I have an aversion to vodka now. Personally these days, I just feel too old for that sh*t. I'd rather snuggle up to him at home, wake up feeling decent and make the most of our morning/day together. 

I don't think being out until that late would be cool with my husband. Let's face it, if I'm at a bar until that time of the morning, I'm not sitting quietly having a cup of tea. I'm drinking and being extroverted. Even if there's not questionable behavior beyond having a blast at a drag show, he'd be concerned for my safety and it typically writes-off the next day too. 

If I'm out with friends, it's usually for a meal and wine. Latest I'd be home would be around midnight, and that's a rare occurrence. Last Friday night was one of those rare occurrences. Hubs was glad that I'd had a good time. My friend loved the restaurant we went to and suggested we all go, with our men-folk, as a group in a couple of weeks. Great idea!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Foolish1 said:


> IWe go to dinner after work, around 4:30, and are done around 7. It's just the dinner, no bars. It always seems like plenty of time to me.


 .....I have a warped sense of time in comparison.

This is how it'd go down for my friends and I if meeting after work for dinner. Arrive about 6pm. Catch-up talk and discuss whether we're sharing a bottle of wine and who's having what. First drink and settling in, initial catching-up excitement. Order snacks, another wine. Conversation flowing, lots of laughter, lose track of time, decide we ought to eat something proper - ordering dinner then happens around 9pm...and so the evening flows.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I think both married men and women should attend the bar or clubbing together or don't go at all. Going alone, especially until 4 in the morning is very wrong in my opinion. Once in a great while and home at a decent time would be acceptable for me, especially if there was a favorite band playing.

When I was 21 there were many married men trying to buy me drinks and flirting. It was disgusting. I only went to the bar with my friends at a young age. Maybe for 3 years in total. It wasn't my thing.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It wouldn't fly in my relationship; whether it was me or my SO who was doing it. Besides, neither of us are drinkers, so hanging around a bar for more than an hour or two would bore the heck out of both of us.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I think both married men and women should attend the bar or clubbing together or don't go at all. Going alone, especially until 4 in the morning is very wrong in my opinion. Once in a great while and home at a decent time would be acceptable for me, especially if there was a favorite band playing.
> 
> When I was 21 there were many married men trying to buy me drinks and flirting. It was disgusting. I only went to the bar with my friends at a young age. Maybe for 3 years in total. It wasn't my thing.


Aye, STBX and I enjoyed the clubbing scene in the past and were always a pair. In fact, we owned the dance floor 

Going alone until 4AM surrounded by members of the opposite sex, alcohol, and such and such, just doesn't seem right. Even with our daughter we always found ways to have our date nights. One of the few good things about our marriage I guess


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think the same rule can apply to men though...

I know lots of guys who leave their wives at home , go to clubs and bars,come home at sunrise.
Including myself, as I have also done this in the past. Thank goodness I saw the light!


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## Foolish1 (Apr 5, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> .....I have a warped sense of time in comparison.
> 
> This is how it'd go down for my friends and I if meeting after work for dinner. Arrive about 6pm. Catch-up talk and discuss whether we're sharing a bottle of wine and who's having what. First drink and settling in, initial catching-up excitement. Order snacks, another wine. Conversation flowing, lots of laughter, lose track of time, decide we ought to eat something proper - ordering dinner then happens around 9pm...and so the evening flows.


That sounds like a nightmare to me, lol. I understand I'm a bit odd as an introvert and homebody. How late are you normally out? Is it just drinking and talking? I can spend full days with a group of friends, but we have to be *doing* something, not just bs-ing only.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

justwantshappiness said:


> I am in an unhappy marriage without children so maybe my thoughts are a little biased but sometimes it is nice to just dress up, go out and dance with your friends. This does not always necessarily mean that a married woman is looking for trouble but that's just my opinion.


Until 4:00 a.m.???? Most bars close at 1:00 a.m.

Where the hell was she in the intervening 3 hours?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> .....I have a warped sense of time in comparison.
> 
> This is how it'd go down for my friends and I if meeting after work for dinner. Arrive about 6pm. Catch-up talk and discuss whether we're sharing a bottle of wine and who's having what. First drink and settling in, initial catching-up excitement. Order snacks, another wine. Conversation flowing, lots of laughter, lose track of time, decide we ought to eat something proper - ordering dinner then happens around 9pm...and so the evening flows.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Awesome. This is fun. This is a GNO IMHO.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Foolish1 said:


> That sounds like a nightmare to me, lol. I understand I'm a bit odd as an introvert and homebody. How late are you normally out? Is it just drinking and talking? I can spend full days with a group of friends, but we have to be *doing* something, not just bs-ing only.


Each to their own. We just enjoy each others company. Doesn't matter what we're doing really. These late dinner evenings don't happen that often. Friends and I also catch up without wine...meeting up for breakfast or cups of tea and hours can still pass. We don't catch up on the phone. Doing something together is fun too! Art gallery, sing-a-long movies, going to the observatory, heck even just walking and sitting at the park. What do you like to do as activities with your friends?

For the most part though, hubs and I meet up with friends together. I also wouldn't be cool with him being out until the late hours - he's never been this way.


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