# Should I tell my Husband?



## janet826 (Apr 8, 2011)

I met my husband in High School, when i was 14 and he was 16. We dated a little but didnt get too serious until i was about 17 in 2003. He was the best boyfriend! Super sweet, thoughtful, very respectful. He was pretty much perfect, or so i thought. In late 2006 I basically found out he wasnt perfect. Some things came to light that werent the worst thing ever but I was definitely hurt because i felt lied to. It completely shattered all the trust i had in him and we broke up for a few months. He never stopped trying to get me back and I was completely misserable without him. We got back together, he proposed shortly after, I said yes and we got married shortly after that. BUT I was still very hurt. I knew I loved him, and knew he loved me. But sometimes i couldnt help but think about the lies and get super angry. I know I should not have gotten married without first resolving those trust issues but we did :/ . In the first few months of our marriage I made the biggest mistake ever. I was out with my cousin at a bar one night when i saw a girl who set me off because she reminded me of the lies. She had nothing to do with it but it still got me to thinking and i just got angry again. I ended up making out with one of my cousins friends. Its been about 3 years since then. Its never happened again. My husband and I remained married and we couldnt be happier. However, I feel absolutely horrible and guilty about what i did. I really want to come clean so we can fix it and move on. He's my everything and he shows me that he feels the same. As corny as it may seem we are more in love today than we were when we got married. Im torn as to whether telling him is the right thing or if its somewhat selfish since its kind of just a way for me to clear my conscience. I know honesty is the best policy, but is it really? or at this point is it just best to move on.... Please share your thought. Thank you


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Making out isn't one time on an impulse really isn't that big of a thing but if you have guilt about it yes you should confront. Guilt has a way of slowly tearing one apart. If you can clear your concience another way though this is one of the few rare times I will say don't tell him.


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## littlebear (Apr 9, 2011)

I would argue don't tell him. Knowing your significant other did something like that to you while you were together is a horrible thing to hear. It builds resentment, hate, hurt, distrust, etc. My husband felt so guilty that he had cheated on me with another woman that he told me. When he told me, he said that it was a one time thing, he was not seeing her, etc. This was true, but it was the most hurtful thing. I hated him and since then I have never seen him in the same way. It changed me. 

I almost feel like I wish I never would have known about it because it was the hardest thing I have ever had to get through. It tore our relationship apart. I would say if things are going well then go with it. My advice is don't do anything like that again but don't tell him. Think about how much hurt it felt to you, you dont want someone else to feel that way.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

I agree w/ little bear, telling him will only serve to clear your conscience, itll only hurt him. Trust me he doesnt want to know, deep down we dont even wanna face the truth we already know about ourselves. 

Personally I dont think its a big deal anyway.

Just make peace with it, then take it to the grave.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Nah, don't tell him. Just work on what you got now. Personally, I think that what is bothering you is not the fact that you did it, it's the fact that you realize that, like him, you are also capable of screwing up.

Welcome to the human race.


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## AyH (Apr 3, 2011)

I agree with everyone else. Don't tell your husband. Honestly at this point it would be selfish. It wasn't that huge of a deal in the first place, its been years and its never happened again. He'll obviously forgive you but not at the cost of alot of hurt feelings. It would serve no purpose but to make you feel better by making him feel worse. If I was in your husband's situation I wouldn't want to know.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Let it go not a big deal.

Even if it was more it was honestly a different part of your life.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm with the don't tell crowd, hopefully that guilt will prevent you from doing such a thing again.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

You are telling us about his lies when he was a teenager to make yourself look a little better? At that age everybody thinks their partner is the perfect one, but when they mature they learn that is not. Who is anyway?I guess now if you tell him the truth, he will think the same way, that you are not the person he fell in love with. He will feel disappointed.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You need to get past it whether or not you tell him. If I have the math right, you are only about 25 now and were about 20 or so when the incident happened. It was a stupid childish way to react to anger, and you did it because you were still, in a lot of ways, really young. Your ability to control your impulses have improved and the liklihood of repeating such a stupid mistake is getting lower every year as you mature.

You have forgiven your husband for his immature mistakes, now forgive yourself. If you still feel the need to tell him after that, then do. Presumably he will understand that just as he was young and foolish once, so were you. If you have any doubts about his ability to forgive, however, be prepared. You may be more forgiving than him. If he is a good man, however, he is likely to get past it. But don't do it out of guilt--do it out of respect for his right to know, if you decide he has a right to know.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

You didn't sleep with this bar guy, you was very distraught over HIS hurt/lies to you not being resolved. I mean, sure you shouldn't have done it, we all make mistakes in life, we are human. I sure can think of worse things! 

This is how I would look at this. You will get a variety of opionons here, but at the end of the day, how will it settle with you , with him? 

What kind of a man IS your husband -is he the type that is very understanding, forgiving and wants to know ALL , no matter what, or do you feel this would seriously shatter him somehow and he will call into question every thing about you that he thought he knew all his life somehow, throwing a money wrench into what you have now? I doubt these things, but just asking!) Would he find the hiding something worse than a hurting night where you got a little carried away -trying to deal with some pain? --cause that is what it was, that guy meant nothing to you. 


And what about you? I will not ask why you feel the NEED to get this off your chest, because I am this type of person, I understand you. I HAVE to do this with the one I love , just who I am, but it helps when the one you love makes these things easy, not expecting perfection - just honesty. 

If you have THIS with your man, I (personally) would share it -if you still feel that NEED too within. It was NOT a fidelity, you were hurting at the time, I can't imagine a man being in a tiff over this unless he has a halo himself -which we know he doesn't -as this is what led to your falling!


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

If you have guilt over this and can't clear your conscience, you need to tell him.

I know everyone here is saying the opposite, but I'm gonna stick to it and say that you have to tell the truth. Guilt is there for a reason.


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## Alphan (Mar 23, 2011)

_My advice is that you shouldn't tell him. You said that everything is going on well at the moment.Telling him will only create another wound as you try to heal yours. He will lose trust in you and begin to suspect that you could do it again. He might also grow resentment with the person you made out with should he be known to him.

The best thing is to forget the past and think of the best ways to make better the already good relationship. It's good to realize that nobody is perfect and the best way to remain together is to always forgive, give room and time to grow into a person you want to fall in love time and again._


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

I tried hypnoses for a problem I had, it did help. It took 3 times but it was worth it. I do not have it in my head like I did. It is still there, but a lot less then it was. hope it helps


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Go ahead and tell him... thus ruining our marriage or atleast put doubt in his head over everytime you go out with friends, everytime you are coming home late.

You are doing this to make yourself feel better, all it will do is harm him. I volunteer...NOTHING!!!


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

Making out with another person while your married is cheating. End of story. It has been three years, which is a positive, but whatever you do, don't minimize making out as "no big deal." It is a big deal.

If you do not tell him, then ask yourself: what other topics am I, or will I hide from him? Will I feel closer to him by not telling him what happened? If I do not tell him, how will I continue to feel about myself? Will I be able to forgive myself? 

If you do decide to tell him ask yourself: Am I telling him to improve our relationship, or lift a weight off my shoulders? Am I prepared to work on the relationship going forward?


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