# can't sleep next to him, don't like being touched



## vlr94 (May 16, 2013)

hi, my boyfriend and I aren't married but I'm looking for advice on two problems that have come up recently..we have been living together for a lil over a year, dating 2 years before that mostly as a committed long distance online relationship lol (I was in high school and couldn't meet at the time). he's 23 and I'm 18, and this is both our first serious relationship.

the first problem is the fact that I have a hard time falling and staying asleep with him in the same bed. this has been confusing me because once we started dating, we often shared a twin bed in the summer heat and it was annoying, but with a fan and the new love spark, all I wanted was to sleep next to him. and I've shared beds with my mom, friends, etc for years. now we have a queen memory foam, so I don't even feel him move..we don't spoon longer than a few minutes, I exercise in the day and am very tired by bed time, we have different blankets, but I don't know what to do! the problem started out because he was farting and made the room smell so bad but he eats differently and thats not a big deal anymore. 
I do have anxiety issues, panic attacks, and have had insomnia before caused by past sexual assault(not involving my boyfriend)..but it's been a long time and I'm not as burdened by it as I used to be. I can fall asleep on my own fine, though I have no idea why only in the past couple of months I can't sleep next to him. it was fine before.. 
we sometimes sleep in separate beds in different rooms and it crushes me. not just guilt, I don't like him being in another room. I often get nightmares when he's away..actually we haven't had a night away from each other in a few months and I may be too dependent on him. he does make some noise in bed, but I sleep through it ok, just have a hard time falling asleep when it's loud. I feel like it might be an emotional thing because we're entering the stage where the lust/spark is wavering and I feel a deeper emotional love for him..but yeah I don't understand why now. sex has always been difficult for me because of my past, and this deeper love feeling makes me happy. I'm hoping moving to another place can help, some where less stuffy and hot

the second issue is that I don't enjoy being touched right now. I do kind of sense that I'm getting older, our relationship is getting more comfortable and routine, and my libido is going down. I haven't really thought about sex much in the past month, my mind is usually on diet&eercise as I'm losing weight, or on my boyfriend or family/friends or life problems. I used to think about sex a lot though despite having trouble with it, I wanted to have sex every day haha. we've recognized that horniness comes and goes, a few months ago it was the other way around where he never felt like sex and I was devastated. but this isn't me not wanting to have sex, I'm just displeased at getting touched which makes sex hard. I like looking at my boyfriend when he's clean(though honestly, he should take better care of himself. I've asked him to shower+groom more but he doesn't really). I like giving him blowjobs, and seeing him want me excites me a little, but when he touches me it just doesn't feel right and I can't tell why. I suspect that I'm not as attracted to him physically as he is to me by a lot, people tell me that I am too good for him very often lol though that hurts my feelings because I love him very much.. even when his hygiene is great and I feel physically attracted to him, I get bothered..so I've been avoiding sex for a while now.
I do have a hard time being physically attracted to people in the first place, it has only happened after I feel emotionally attached since being hurt sexually. though I find it hard to talk to him about all this because I don't want to hurt his feelings. we've talked a little but each time it never feels resolved..I don't knwo what to say. I still love him a lot, I like sitting next to him, we hold hands every where, and I feel that spark much more when we spend time out of the house alone. I know I'm not scared to be alone because if something happened to him, I would rather be alone than be with some one else. I really can't imagine being with some one else, he is loving, thoughtful, we get along pretty well outside of time when we're stressed out by life problems, we can talk about many of our deepest secrets and issues, and we've spent almost every day for a year together and I still enjoy talking to him and spending time with him a lot. I become happy at the thought of marrying or starting a family some day..that's why this troubles me so much 

as far as problems in our relationship..we do spend too much time together. also he's mostly supporting us, he has started making more money very recently and it's hurting me to be stuck in the house cooking and cleaning and working very few hours while he's taking care of me. it hurts that some times I look at him and appreciate his eyes or his smile or his butt, but I still don't want him to touch me sexually. it may be problems with myself that I need to tend to, but for now I at least want to make him happier, his libido is back and he cares for me a lot, I want to make him happy too. 
I've noticed in my dreams when I'm touched by him, or anybody else, it feels good, but when I'm awake it's bad. I can't tell whether or not I would like being touched by somebody else I was in love with, I think I might for a little while but the same thing would happy once the honeymoon phase is over. though I don't have an interest in sex with other people now, one person is hard enough lol, and I hate cheating too.
so I guess any insight on why I'm having these feelings, and how to overcome them would be greatly appreciated. so so sorry for the long post


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

At 18 you should be humping like rabbits. Sounds like your not that into him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Do him a real favor. Tell him exactly how you feel about sex and touching. You sound like my wife at 18. I married her at 20 and boy the last 20 years have been a roller coaster very few men could live with. Tell him everything. If your are really LD tell him. Marriage is a sexual contract. If you will not hold up your part of it he needs to know now. Me and my abused wife sleep in separate beds and have sex 2-4 times a week. That's average for most. The sex is strictly for me and I live with it. Not the best circumstance. Talk to him about sex ALOT. Without sex your living like siblings or roommates. And yes at 18 you should be rabbits in heat.


----------

