# Does saying the word "separation" make cheating OK?



## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

All started for me about two months ago. We have been married 8 years and have a 3 year old son. 

The thing that's been really hard to deal with is her relationship with another guy. Now, she has maintained throughout this whole thing that she is not a cheater and is not in the wrong and that I should be fine with it. Why does she maintain that? Well. Because she came home one night...told me we are "separated" and then, THE FOLLOWING DAY, began her new relationship (which she had lined up). She is adamant that she has therefore done nothing morally questionable...and at times I've almost convinced myself she's right.

However, just because the word separation has been pronounced does not mean that gives her permission to bang some other dude the next day? Does it? Especially when she refuses to move out of our home for two more months (til she finds a comfortable flat) and conducts this new affair under my nose. Where's her consideration for the guy she loved? Last week she went on the train to London to see this guy. I was working and had taken our son to nursery. The nursery called..."your son is really sick, we called your wife but she's in London...she said to call you to get him." So i cancel classes to collect my son. WTF...this woman has gone bonkers!?

I'm sorry...but the word separation is not (in my book) a word that is thrown out there to make cheating morally acceptable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Separation is something both parties should agree to and have to understand conditions of.

What she has done is called abandonment.


----------



## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

She is self-centered and immoral. Build yourself a life and fight for custody of your son. You can't change her. 

The best revenge is a life well led.


----------



## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

So she declared one day that you're "separated", began openly seeing another man, and now refuses to move out until she finds a comfortable flat...wow, the cojones on this woman.

Definitely not a "morally sound" stance she has taken. She's justifying it by making up her own rules. Unless of course you agreed that you can both see other people when she brought up separation. If you did not agree (which I'm gathering you did not), then she is basically saying she doesn't care about you or your marriage and she can do whatever she wants.

Guess what? She can, as long as you allow it. So...time to stand up for yourself and call the shots as you see fit. That's the good thing about having the moral high ground...you can impose consequences and know you are truly justified. Don't argue, get overly emotional, beg or talk down to her, just firmly make clear what YOU will or will not accept in your marriage. And then stick to what you say you will do.

Tell her to go live with the other man (OM) if she wants to blatantly commit adultery. Tell her you won't stand for an open marriage, regardless of what she calls it. Being married to you, yet doing another man against your wishes is...definitely cheating. Tell her to look up adultery in the dictionary if her skewed version of reality won't accept your logic. She'll throw the word "separation" at you a hundred times as if that makes a difference to you...just stay calm and tell her she can spin it all day long, but it is what it is, she knows it, and you won't accept it.

And then serve her with divorce papers. Don't threaten this, just do it. See a lawyer asap, get the ball rolling. She needs a wake up call. She wants a divorce? Give it to her. But do it on your terms. (EDIT: she's prob already seen an attorney, you have some catching up to do)

Oh, she absolutely started seeing this guy months before your "separation". Look for evidence in email or texts if you wish to try to save the marriage, but do not confront right away until you find hard proof, as she'll minimize and lie her way out of it unless your proof can't be refuted.

Feel for you, she sounds like a real ballbuster. Good luck...


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Don't let her play word games and redefine English dictionary. Things don't become different just because she says so. A spade is a spade.

She doesn't even do that for your sanity sake, but more as a wh*re-defense reaction. She doesn't want to be seen as a cheater in your social circle, and "separation" is a cop-out. Hence, exposing her would be the best initial strategy.


----------



## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

chiksam said:


> She is adamant that she has therefore done nothing morally questionable...and at times I've almost convinced myself she's right.


Get used to this feeling. Your emotions will play massive tricks on you for a time to come, as you clearly have bonds with this woman, hey - you married her and started a family with her. Couldn't have been all bad. But it sure is now. Don't let the past influence your view of the present. It's how you deal with it NOW and going forward that matters. Things are how they are, and everyone is free to make their own decisions - but we all have to face the consequences of our decisions, and she is no exception.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Ironically, you were "lucky" because she actually TOLD you that you were "separated"  whereas many a spouse around here has been informed by the cheater that the cheater was "mentally separated" or "mentally divorced" for years...

ALL cheaters must mentally justify their actions, otherwise insane asylums would be filled with otherwise 'normal' people who fully comprehended the terrible betrayals they've committed to their spouses and children.

I am sorry you are here.

Is she financially independent from you? I've heard from my British friends that train trips to London aren't free. I would for certain stop financing her affair in any form--cut up the joint credit cards, separate finances, take out new cards in your name.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Man, I wish my cheater had laid this one on me as soon as she started screwing other guys. I would have been out of there quicker than she could utter the word "separated".
If you are sure the 3 year old is yours, take him in the other direction the next time she is hopping off to Europe.


----------



## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

My opinion, if a couple is seperated, what happens happens. I am 100% against cheating but being seperated is a different beast.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> My opinion, if a couple is seperated, what happens happens. I am 100% against cheating but being seperated is a different beast.


Aristotle, she is living in the house with him.

She had a relationship "all lined up."

This means that she had betrayed the marriage BEFORE her big announcement.

She didn't walk down the street after that conversation to tackle the first human being with a penis between his legs.

She had an intimate, private, secret relationship with a man, someone that we'd call (if she were 17) a 'boyfriend.'

Guess what? Married people aren't allowed to have 'boyfriends.'

I could give a rats A** if they had not consummated it before that day. That is just a doily to cover her selfish, immoral choice.

What's more, she's chosen her affair over her child--she goes off a great distance from where they live and when the child is sick, this is how her spouse discovers that she can't be bothered to be a mother any more, either.

I'm sorry, but this just makes me ILL and it's no wonder that women like this behave this way. Marital vows MEAN something. Divorce MEANS something. Otherwise there's no point to them at all.


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She is playing you for an absolutely fool. She had the guy lined up which means she was already cheating at some level. She tells you that you should be fine with her having sex with her new boyfriend?

Don't waste time talking to her. Contact a lawyer immediately and proceed with a divorce. If the roles were reversed she would not accept this so why are you? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

why didnt you hand over the D papers when she came back to the house banging OM?

Are you sure that your son is actually yours?

A husband should be loving and caring person but he should never allow others to treat himself as a fool or doormat. If you dont respect yourself then who will?


----------



## LoveMyKids80 (Apr 24, 2012)

In her mind, she's justifying the 'cheating' by saying you two are seperated. If you are still married, by law, you do not have sexual/emotional relationships with ANYONE except your spouse. Get a divorce, if that's what she wants. I feel for you. It's a terrible, terrible thing to be going through. For me, just knowing my STBXH is with someone else besides his wife, makes it so much easier for me to move on. You deserve better and your son deserves better. Hang in there.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

That too under his nose, abandoning her kid, wah...........


----------



## JustMe321 (May 9, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Aristotle, she is living in the house with him.
> 
> She had a relationship "all lined up."
> 
> ...


Yes. To all of it. 

Amazing how some folks think that by holding off on the PA part that they are somehow on some moral highground. There was an EA here for who knows how long.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Can't add much more to what everyone else is telling you. What you have here is what we call a cake eater. You're the babysitter to her, while she gets to go off and bang other men. She didn't just decide one day to call it a separation and bang her OM the very next day, she's been in an affair for quite a while. Her trying this separation bullsh!t is so that she can bang him without interference from you, while you stay at home and take care of the child.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

People separate with a goal in mind: for some, it's reconciliation. For others, it's moving on. She lined her ducks up in a row, and called it 'separation' to ease her troubled consciense.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Separation is not divorce. IMO, you can't take a 'time out' in marriage. Even if both people agree, someone will get hurt.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


>


I just want that cake! NOM!


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Until you're legally separated, if she has sex with someone else she will be committing adultery, so I don't think it's OK, and to expect to do this whilst living under the same roof as you is downright abusive, IMO. 

She mightn't think she's cheated by maintaining contact with this man, but at the very least it has been an EA, and as far as I'm concerned that IS cheating.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

OP, my ex simply felt uttering the words "I want a divorce" was enough to justify her infidelity in her mind. even though she had not moved out (though had looked up apartments on the internet), had not contacted a lawyer or done anything to actually separate.

I think it has a lot to do with the whole overcoming "cognitive dissonance" thing. Or "the fog" of infidelity.

Even months later when we met for an appointment with a mediator we had to fill out the forms together and she didn't know what to write in the application form for: "Reason for separation". She asked me what she should write and I said "adultery on her part" she just looked at me and said "but it's not really adultery". I scoffed and tried to explain to her it was the textbook definition, but she just couldn't wrap her mind around the fact she was in the wrong.

I don't even know when exactly the EA and PA started... simply guessing from her looks and what I found out, she was atleast texting emailing one guy and I believe making out with him at a bar (from her own admission during a trickle truth session) before. She also had a booty call planned, and I suspect that she didn't actually get penetrated vaginally (where she, in her fog, drew the line of what to consider cheating) until after she uttered the divorce word.

None of that really matters, fact is she cheated. And had no remorse. So only choice was to end marriage, and I'm glad I got around to filing and getting it done.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Lon said:


> She also had a booty call planned, and I suspect that she didn't actually get penetrated vaginally (where she, in her fog, drew the line of what to consider cheating) until after she uttered the divorce word.
> .


And if that "booty call" involved sexual contact (be it touching or oral sex), even if there was no penetration, it was still cheating. I'm glad you decided to divorce her.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

If your trying to make some sense of her actions, or judging what reality is based on anything she says your wasting your time. Your just going to drive yourself crazy.


----------



## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

Thank you all for your advice. It seems pretty unanimous and I can't believe I don't see it as clearly as you guys all do. She has finally been moved out for two days now. We met today for me to collect my son from her for the week. She said to me that some of the reasons for this are that she was not sexually satisfied. She said she didn't always like the way I dressed...that could be changed. But sexually she does not see us making changes??!! 

She always had trouble communicating her feelings...but to turn your back on your husband without even talking about the issue is cruel. It's essentially saying "I'm not happy sexually...not thought to mention it...not gonna talk about it...not gonna do what mature married adults might do here...just gonna go get it elsewhere and destroy my family." I don't get her. I wrote her a horrible text on my way back home...couldn't help it...I said.. "I hope you have a good evening. Hope you will be sexually satisfied by someone who dresses according to your tastes. Maybe that will fulfil you." I felt bad and she was obviously feckin pissed when she called to say goodnight to our son. I know that will have badly offended her...and she knows I always felt terrible about offending her. Now I feel I should apologize on some level...but on another I feel f£&k it! Why shouldn't she get a dose of my anger? IDK , maybe I'm scared on some level that if I offend her she will never ever entertain R. But maybe it's time to think "screw what my actions do to her."????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> If your trying to make some sense of her actions, or judging what reality is based on anything she says your wasting your time. Your just going to drive yourself crazy.


Pit you seem a little bit more shaky today. Anyhow, Pit is correct.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude, you need to get yourself a bull dog of a barrister and get this chick served with divorce papers. Explain to the guy or gal EXACTLY what happened with your kid. I don't know about British Family Law, but that can be viewed at abandonment. You could stand a chance to get fully custudy of your son. HAving her pay child support to you....even, the threat of it might get her to stop cake eatting you.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about offending her, nor hurting her feelings. Right now your job is to take care of your own feelings and be there for your son.

As regards for her reasons for straying, she could have attempted communicating her feelings to you and trying to fix things rather than simply having an affair.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

chiksam said:


> She said to me that some of the reasons for this are that she was not sexually satisfied. She said she didn't always like the way I dressed...that could be changed. But sexually she does not see us making changes??!!


Lame.

Again, she is the classic cheater. You see, it's all your fault that she had to cheat. If you just had ESP, there would have been no problems in the marriage. In fact, she should probably sue you for fraud because it turns out you don't have ESP.

I know it's not funny to you, but you gotta love the "I cheated because I don't like how you dress" line. One day you will trot that one out at parties and the whole room will ROAR with laughter at her expense.

Have you informed her family and your mutual friends about this? Because you want to get the upper hand in spreading the word. She will be sure to lie about you plenty to make it seem like she just happened to meet this new Man In Her Life. And I promise you, those lies will be far worse than 'his pants never matched his shirt.'


----------



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Shamwow said:


> So she declared one day that you're "separated", began openly seeing another man, and now refuses to move out until she finds a comfortable flat...wow, the cojones on this woman.


This. Kick her butt to the curb, file for D, and email her the definition of consequences.


Or better yet buy her a dictionary.

It will be worth it.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

you really need to man up dude. Women know nothing hurts a man more than to tell him he is lousy in bed, and you worried about offending her. Not only that but you actually WANTS to R with her. Chik, grow a pair. You need to read the 180 and NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. Also, Just Let Them Go. I'm sure these books could help you GREATLY. AND, stop talking to her, if it does not concern your son. Why do you think she feels she can talk to you this way ?? YOU ALLOW IT !! and as long as you do, she will beat you down with words to keep you as backup. Just look at how she has you questioning yourself now. I bet you are thinking why try for another woman, if I'm so bad in bed. thats her manipulating you to keep you in chk dude.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you know about her affair partner? Is he married? Does she work with him?


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

OldWolf57 said:


> ...Just look at how she has you questioning yourself now. I bet you are thinking why try for another woman, if I'm so bad in bed. thats her manipulating you to keep you in chk dude.


Wow, the way you put this really struck me. It's so true, we give our W's this power over us, we submit to them and were not fortunate to have picked ones worthy of that responsibility. I am a year out from separation and I'm still questioning myself, even after she is long gone the dynamic of my failed marriage is still bouncing around inside me, it is tough to shake because the toxicity she spewed as our marriage failed latched on to such a core part of me that was kinda broken - my niceguy conflict avoidance defense mechanism.

OP this comment by old wolf is crucial for you to understand, that your self esteem is under direct attack by your W's actions and words and left unchecked they will eat away at you.


----------



## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

Elegirl - I know that she met him in a gallery, he is the same age as her (29), and he is Ukrainian (my wife is Russian but has UK citizenship). I have had the pleasure if seeing his face when my keylogger tracked their skype conversations for me. I have no idea if he's married or what. I also know his name though.

Lon - yes. This is a very important point. I also have this built in dynamic to avoid conflict with my wife at all costs, to avoid making her feel bad (often when that is at the expense of my own feelings and my "self"). The fact she was furious about my text last night ate away at me...the little voice said "you pig. You intentionally hurt her. She will be upset by that comment...you MUST apologize and get back in her good books again." But why? If I'm angry at her...why can't I express it? Even if it makes her feel bad? I always put expression if my own feelings AFTER my wife's feelings...she had that hold over me and detaching from her will involve breaking it. First step on that is not to act following the nasty text I sent I guess.

Hmmm...your thoughts about serving her D papers are interesting. I guess a bit of me is reluctant about that due to the finality of it. It would be me pulling the trigger to launch the final bullet into the temple of this dieing horse??!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

This 'we need some time apart' was pulled on me before marriage. Same thing...went off to have sex with someone else. Great way to:

1. Have sex with someone else by rationalizing it as not cheating.
2. Keep the relationship 'on hold' to return to later (or not if you decide not to). Options open.

She also did this with a past boyfriend...another guy asked her out and she broke up temporarily with her BF so that she could F this other guy on their date.

These games make the pain worse because they are height of self serving manipulation. In their heads they think that they are so clever and that they got away with something because 'technically' you weren't in a relationship. I know the frustration.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

She is treating him like a piece of sh1t and he is worried about her feelings........ Stop it man, its time for you to express your feelings.

Why are you worried about the feelings of a person who dont care about your feelings and pain. She is humiliating you in the worst way possible why cant you understand that?

Find the OM, get the details of him, expose the affair to his Wife/GF. Issue your wife D papers and file for full custody.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Flat out - your wife is selfish and is twisting everything to fit her desire to cheat.

No woman respects a man who lets he do this crap, and no woman will be with a man whom she doesn't respect.

Stop being a passive lapdog and just taking her lies and manipulations of the truth. YOUR WIFE CHOSE TO CHEAT. YOUIR WIFE CHOSE TO LEAVE TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN.

Your response has been to be sad and worried and to worry about her feelings.

Does your response illicit respect from anyone? Even you?

Find the OM details and expose him.

Expose your wife's cheating.

Get a lawyer and find out what actions you have.

Where is her money coming from? You - then stop giving her any money.

Is she a permanent resident in the UK? If not then see about what it would take to have her removed. - Not saying to do it, but you need to know your options.

Honestly I suspect she used you, had no respect for you and is now ditching you for someone she does respect.


----------



## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Man up and start respecting yourself...Stop worrying about her feelings and dont let her humiliate you anymore... file for Divorce and expose her cheating ass to everyone important in both of your lifes...

And dont accept any blame for her affair because its BS and you know it...The affair is only your W fault and there are no excuses for it...

Good Luck


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

She seems clearly on her way out. She got her permanent residence permit out of you (it wasn't long ago, right?), and is now moving on.

Protect yourself legally and financially, it will be messy.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

why in the world would you be reluctant. Have you always had codependant issues ? Have you ever been a GROWNUP MATURE MAN ? If not, then its time you start. I really hope you change by the time your son is in his teens. And I'm glad he is so young, he don't understand the truly awful example you are setting for manhood. I mean, what is it ? Do you feel you so physically repulsive you can't get someone else ? Was she a mailorder bride? You may not be the worst case Iv'e read on here, but you are close. Chiksum, you have dependecy issues man. Plz, plz plz, seek some Professional help. I had a chill when I read she from Russia and he from Ukrain. The only thing you hear of Ukrains nowadays is human traffic, and human slavery. For your own and son sake you need to get away from her. If you remain with her, how long before she do this again. From reading your post, I can tell she has conditioned you to plz and serve her. Now she is so digusted with you, that even tho you take care of her, she can't stand to be around you. Cut your loses man. But before you venture into another relationship, do some soul searching and make some drastic changes in yourself. There are ppl here who can help you. like Bandit45, Shamwow, Complexity and many many more. Plz PM these guys and ask what to do.


----------



## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

Thanks for this guys. I have read through these last few comments a number of times. I really need this kind of smack round the head with a 2 x 4. Kallan put it simply for me there - she isn't giving a crap about my feelings...yet I'm worried about hers??? Yeah...that ain't right. 

Wolf - that was hard hitting and unpalatable...but on the money. No...she wasn't mail order. We met in Moscow when I lived there for two years. 

My only concern about divorce is my son. The one thing I was forceful about in all this was making damn sure she knew I'm not budging in relation to having him. She wanted to take him. In the end I got a separation agreement that is for 50-50 contact time (in reality I will have him more as she's fecking off to France for months to do an internship) and when he starts school he will live with me and see her at weekends. I'm not allowing her to drag him to inner city London in a high rise, ripping him out of everything he knows because she decides she wants to live the Carrie Bradshaw life in the city. With divorce...this "agreement" might change. She could decide to go for full custody...and my lawyer says she'd have a shot at least (she's the mom...etc). However, he said that the longer I leave it the better my chances. When he's in school here and beginning to settle even more why would a court rip that all away for my wife's whim. That's my issue...play the waiting game and strike at the optimal time...or just divorce her now and hope she honors what we already have in place (but honor is not something I think she's overflowing with right now). Part of me wants to serve her simply to strike back. It does feel like she's controlling my life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

chiksam said:


> Part of me wants to serve her simply to strike back. It does feel like she's controlling my life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, part of you wants to serve her because she's left the marriage and is cheating openly with another man AND divorce is the logical and legal consequence of that choice.

Stop seeing this as an attack - it's actually a sane response to her breaking the marriage contract.

If you are paying for her appartment, for her schooling, and her spending money to buy nice clothes, drinks, travel THEN STOP. You do not need to finance her choice of lifestyle.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

separated mean you are not responsible for her financial needs. I like the wait until he's in school looking better, but only do this, if you feel you can handle dealing with her. Remember, this is the woman that does all she can to destroy you selfesteem. She likes separation BC that means you will still be the backup plan. Tell her unless you have primary custody, you are going to immigration to accuse her of marriage fraud. You might also want to talk to a lawyer about this.


----------



## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

Ok all. An update and I need some advice.

She's moved out about two weeks now. We are supposed to have a fifty fifty thing going on with our son now. However, as I thought, she's already started pushing the boundaries. We met at the station for the first exchange of our son yesterday. He'd been with her. She says she won't be able to collect him again until Wednesday (was meant to be Monday) because she has a party on Tuesday night (of course the OM will be going with her). She asked if she can therefore have our son for a full week after Wed.

My response: No. Sure, come get him on Wed. But I want him back three days later as per our agreement. You choose a party over time with him? Tough sh&t.

Now a bit of me is pissed at myself here because I'm making it easier for her to have her freakin affair by having our son for longer. Another bit of me says hey, at least he has one responsible parent. This may all count in my favour one day regarding full custody. Maybe I need to box clever? 

Then, my son tells me Mummy's friend who's a boy was over. I expressly asked her not to introduce this prick to our son immediately. So I text her an extremely angry text...call her things I maybe shouldn't have. She texts back saying I've made her cry and she's shaking...I made her cry before and I'm still doing it... yada yada yada. That's her all over. Anything she doesn't like is turned onto me. Wants me to feel bad for her own wrongdoings. This time I'm not biting. She can know I'm pissed at this - but this time I have no concern what her reaction is to my anger. Funny, she tried everything, even said "You know. I wanted to call you when I was sick the other night. I'm so glad I didn't as all you do is make me cry." 

I guess I'm asking how you guys think I should react in such situations. She pisses me off and disrespects my wishes and I want there to be consequences...but what can/should they be? Divorce papers are not my best option (for reasons I've noted earlier) so I seem to be trying to hurt her in an angry response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Someone will be along soon I'm sure who knows more about this than I do. But you can get a temporary custody order with a lawyer's help that will spell out that the OM is not allowed to be around your son. You are right to be protective of him and not the least bit out of bounds. Few things make me angrier than recalling that my FWH's AP spent time with my kids.

Your instincts are also correct about getting your son to be with you as much as possible when she can't have him. Yes it is sort of enabling but you see that the other option is that he spends extra time with the OM if you somehow can't legally prevent that from happening.

She's separated from you and while she's deep in the affair, you owe it to your son to be there for him as much as possible. This is one thing that you have some control over and that you can be proud that you've done your best at it, it is going to reap rewards that you will experience the rest of his life and it is a proper focus of your energy.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Chiksam, if you have an agreement with her get it in writing, hire a lawyer to draft up your separation agreement and have it filed with the court. And DOCUMENT every instance where she is not following the agreed upon schedule, even just a journal that says date and time you had custody when it was her time, and don't play the "ill take him this day if you can take him that day" game, stick to your schedule, and always make time for your son you will never regret it.

I am 50/50 with my son and where I live if it goes more than 60/40 during the course of a year then I could file for sole custody with visitation for her.

Since she is valuing her single time more than family time right now, it may be a good time to seek sole custody too since she is more likely to not contest it - how each of you is behaving with regards to parenting duty is setting a very important legal precedent, so just focus on being there for your son as much as you can.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Document all of the time's she is not with your son. 

Oh and find a lawyer as soon as possible, have him limit other sex partners from staying overnight when the kid is there.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get to a lawyer as he can get the court to hold her accountable for these selfish games she is playing. He can also get a block in place preventing her bf from being around your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

are you listening to the vets here / get a lawyer. this woman has done all she can to show you she has no respect for you, and you have not done anything to protect yourself except getting angry for the guy being there. get a lawyer and start the D and file for sole custody. if that don't give her a wakeup nothing will. have you researched the guy yet ? your only concern seems to be her an you. well buddy I hate to tell you this,,, but you and your son are not her concern right now. me, I play dirty, real dirty. I would get a restraining order against him and her and have them served at there jobs, YEAH I would lie, and say I heard they was involved with Ukrainian criminals. Hey, attack my self esteem, and all bets are off. If nothing else, it would have to be investigated, and that may be to much for the affair to survive. As for R, how in the hell could you want someone who could do something so damn foul to you and your son ??


----------

