# hubs picks a fight about EVERYTHING!!!



## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

this has been going on for about a month. i dont know what his deal is. i've asked him nicely.. i've asked him in every possible way what his problem is. "hunny, is something bothering you? is everything ok? is there a reason you're so grumpy lately? is there anything i can do to cheer you up?" the list goes on and on. 

i cant imagine what is going on with him. we havent been doing very well in the bed room, but it's not because i'm not trying. 

the other day he asked me to bring some carrots that he bought a good while ago, and i told him they're probably not good anymore. and he BLAMED ME for not feeding them to him?!?!?! for some reason everything is my fault. EVERYTHING!! fruit flies in the kitchen are because IIII didnt take out the trash.. 

or he's criticizing me mostly about my weight because it's a hot topic for us lately. i'm planning on having gastric bypass soon so my body will be MUCH different in the near future. we went to subway and i didnt eat much.. and he said, "wow, i cant believe you didnt that much... (pause).. oh yeah, it's because you ate a whole family size bag of chips last night" - which i didnt.. i ate the remaining crumbs accumulated at the bottom of the bag before i threw it away. 

after having sex he made a comment about how i didnt give him a bj.. and he'd masturbated earlier and left little tissue pieces stuck to himself. and i said "if there wasnt crap all over your penis then i would have given you one". he replied, "what the hell is wrong with you? i cant use tissue if i wanna use tissue? guys use it after they pee too... it's common sense."

the examples i could list could go on and on for pages, but i'll spare you. 

could it be he's feeling insecure about my body changing? that for some reason my personality will change as well (which he mentioned when i first got approved for the surgery)? or is he just a jerk? so i'm asking the guys... do you have any insight on what he might be feeling or going through? do men get moody like this "just because"?

without sharing money and sex.. and now we're at each other's throats on a daily basis... i'm starting to not even see the point in continuing.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Wow--sounds like you live at my house!

My husband critcizes and complains about everything.

But he's had a TBI and stroke and his neuro says it's because he has no control over his life and this is his way of controlling "something."

Maybe that's the case in your home too.

Does he run the house or you?

Are there job issues where he has lost any control?

If not, then I'm not sure--but maybe he fears the changes in you after your surgery.

Things are going to be quite different--more different than I think even you realize.

I had a tummy tuck and lipo last year and I look like a different person. My body feels different, looks different and people look at me differently. It's caused a change in my confidence about my appearance and made me even more outgoing and eager to be around people.

So maybe he's anticipating that he might lose you. That other men will now find you attractive and then you'll have no reason to stay with him.

Have you asked him if he's worried about the surgery and the changes to come?

Might try that, he might open up and yet he might not. Worth a try though.

Good luck.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

i think your husband has an issue with you, or a concern that he is afraid to come to you with.

For the best chance of success in finding out what it is, go to him during a time when you arent having a conflict and things are peaceful. Be loving and ask him to come to you with his problem when he is ready to and that you will listen to him. 

if he does, make sure to listen. dont argue or interrupt, and refrain from becoming angry.


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Not much insight here... should i post this elsewhere?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

nandosbella said:


> Not much insight here... should i post this elsewhere?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ingratitude will be one of your biggest problems.


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## MindOverMatter (Jul 1, 2012)

As a husband, I have a couple of thoughts:

How is your husband's self-esteem? Any issues there?

Job-related stress? Has he been laid off recently, or is there threats of a looming layoff in his company?

While I don't engage in this kind of behavior, there's something triggering it on your husband's side. Sure, there may be some lingering issues about your pending surgery, but I wouldn't think that would alone would do it.

How was he behaving two months ago?


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Sorry to even mention this - but do you think there is even a remote chance that he may be having an affair or cheated? From experience, when the H picks fights about everything, it is because they have a guilty concience or are trying to make you out to be worse than you are to justify their actions or to try and make it seem as if it is all your fault for everything. I hope this is not the case. 

Does he have a cell phone and take it EVERYWHERE with him?


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Self esteem seems fine... not any different than before.... no cheating.. my hubs is high maintnence... i take care of his everything... Id know.. plus his character wouldnt allow it... dunno whats going on... ive snuggled him in my boobs n asked whats been bothering him... he always says.. nothing... just long hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

You say he is like that for a month. Beforehand he never criticize you like that? He used to be understanding, and then one day some switch went off?


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## MindOverMatter (Jul 1, 2012)

How old is he? And are you approximately the same age?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

He sounds like an overgrown child with low self-esteem. Did he just flip the switch to become a jerk a month ago, or was he actually always like this? Those comments at Subway and after s*x...I'd tell my sweetie to go F**K herself after hearing those. That's probably not an option for you, but I hope you at least told him that those were hurtful comments, and that you expect to be treated better than that. 

Could be that he has his eyes/heart on another woman. Could be that your future hotbody makes him insecure. I kind of saw this with my W. I didn't lose weight, but I followed Athol Kay's stuff and did several things to make myself more attractive over the past few years - hit the gym more, better clothes, better haircut, etc. It helped our s*x life a bit, but it also ramped up my low self-esteem W's anxiety issues. 

I don't know...maybe you could try to reassure him that he'll still be your guy after all of this is done. Or you could buy him a pacifier.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

BTW: I love how people here are so fast to give opinion, five second after they hear a 1% of a story, without knowing much else.

Being humble won't hurt anyone!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

joshbjoshb said:


> BTW: I love how people here are so fast to give opinion, five second after they hear a 1% of a story, without knowing much else.
> 
> Being humble won't hurt anyone!


Five seconds? I don't know about the others, but I waited a few hours before blasting away.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

ok, i'm going to ask because nobody else has. you state you are about to have gastric bypass, thats usually reserved for people who are quite overweight (sorry if this sounds too blunt). can you enlighten us how much you weigh and if the weight has been gained significantly since you met your husband? has your husband also gained significant weight?

i know there are varied opinions on here related to weight gain and attraction, especially when the weight gainer is female.


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

hubs and i are about the same age.. he's 27, i'm 26... i admit he is childish sometimes.. but it's so exaggerated lately. something is triggering it. i've asked him what's up while we're happy and laughing.. and he just says he's tired. ??? there's no affair... 

i admit i'm a little anxious because i'm waiting on my pre-existing condition insurance provider to go ahead and process all my stuff so i can get on that plane to mexico (medical tourism) and get my freakin surgery. i stress out about it a lot. i've even considered living in mexico till i'm 100% back to normal... but i really try not to put any stress on my hubs. i research in my private time.. i call on my lunch break. i barely mention it to him usually. 

yes, i am "quite overweight", but i dont see how that's a reason for my hubs to suddenly start acting like a jerk or why that would even occur to someone (?). obviously you cant gain 100 lbs in 2 months.. i'm the same size i was when we met 4 years ago. hubs has gained about 10 lbs in the last year. about 30 lbs since i've met him (he was super skinny when i first met him), but he's still under 200 lbs. there is not an attraction issue.. he tells me all the time how beautiful i am.. and if anything, he's worried he's going to miss the "old me". 

so i dunno.. he's going on a "guys trip" this weekend to atlantic city and i'm ELATED!!!!! i think the time apart will do us well. an opportunity to miss each other. otherwise.. i feel i've exhausted every option to try and pull whatever's bothering him out... so im going to concentrate on myself and my surgery. i've been big my whole life.. and i'm so grateful that i'm fortunate to be able to afford to change my life. if my hubs wants to support me during this time.. i know i'll greatly appreciate it.. if things continue in this way.. i cant imagine an outcome with both of us still together.


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