# Served her papers/got assaulted Sat



## cBlake (Jul 29, 2015)

So I'm a new member as of a week or two ago, and I posted the history of my relationship/marriage the other night and asked if I should have her served the divorce papers then, or wait til I could get a sit down with her to see if there was any tiny chance at reconciliation. Well I decided to go ahead and have her served this past Saturday, and that's when things got crazy.

I got two back-to-back calls at 8:44am from the STBX which told me she probably just got served. I didn't answer but text her about 5 minutes later saying "you didn't want to work on anything, and made your position to be done with it all pretty clear. So what do you need to say" She responded that she needed to come get a lot of her clothes and personal effects that were here and it needed to be that day because "apparently I have 24 hours to get them or its trespassing." I tried to explain she didn't need to do it that day, she said she did, then told me to wake the kids up and get them out. I said no, she said screw you, and then she said she was coming that day regardless and I could either leave the kids there or get them out but it wouldn't go well if they were there. So I said I would get them out just to be patient. She said she was coming over at 10am, little over an hour after being served, and was just getting clothes and her teaching things (that's all the order allowed her to get) and was bringing just her dad to help her carry things and asked if my parents would be here and I said no.

So I had got the kids to my parents and my STBX shows up with her dad AND HER CRAZY MOTHER, and the first place the STBX and her mother go are the kitchen and start loading up pans and pots and plates etc etc. So the first thing she does is start taking things she has no legal authority or right to take at this juncture. 

Flash forward 20 minutes and the wife, even though she had told her friends she was trying to file and was just waiting on a meeting with her attorney to do it, starts playing the victim and me the ******* for me being the "one that quit the marriage". If had enough of her playing the victim, so I started shouting "I did this so you couldn't try to take the kids. You constantly ignored me. You didn't want to go to counseling..." She yells at me to "SHUT THE F*** UP!". I'm standing about 6 feet away from her when she picks up this pencil bag full of pencils and throws it at my head, I respond but just verbally telling her to "Settle your @$$ down!" So she picks up another bigger bag and throws it at my head. Then a third item which this time was a larger box filled with school/office supplies and throws that at my head. The STBX's mother is standing behind her doing nothing to stop her daughter from coming unglued.

This is when I see her dad come charging in through the front door right at me. He puts two hands on my chest and starts trying to drive me back. While yelling "hey you! You leave her alone!" Im 28, he is 60. I'm 6'4" and 275lbs, he is 5'6" and 175. I could have crushed him. But I didn't, I just put my hand on the back of his neck and start pushing toward the ground as he continues to try to drive me into the wall. All the while I'm yelling "I never touched her. I didn't touch your daughter."

About 2 seconds after he first put his hands on me, I got his head down, then my STBX jumps in and tries to kick me in my knees and is yelling "leave my dad alone." So I reposition my back to the center of the room, and he is still trying to drive, and my STBX follows around on my right side and starts to punch me in the arm. THEN the mom jumps in and starts hitting me on my back. So I'm being attacked in my own home, 3 on 1, with nobody there to witness on my behalf or help. Finally about maybe 30 seconds after it started, the dad stops coming forward so I let him up. And then I yell again "I NEVER F***ING TOUCHED YOUR DAUGHTER!" So then he yells back "WELL THEN YOU JUST GO SOT DOWN THEN." And I said I would.

So the next 15-20 minutes, I watch as they continually go around my house and carry out boxes of things that I don't even know what they contain. But at this point I know I'm missing knives with a knife block, video camera, pots/pans/kitchen tools (pizza cutter, whisk, tongs, spatulas, etc), color printer, almost all my dining room table chairs, all holiday decorations, amongst many other things.

So I decide on Sunday that I don't know this family anymore or what they are capable of (like faking bruises and scratches and a story to try to get their way with the kids and monies in divorce), and my bruises and scratches are getting a lot worse, so I decide I need to make some official report. So I call the police, but after 5 hours of waiting, I had to go get my kids, so I cancelled the call.

Today I called again, cop showed up, and I find out I can't just make a report like that and not press charges or have someone arrested. It's all out of my hands once they show up, so I'm forced to either tell my side, or they will just have to take the other sides word for it and go based off of that. So I told the officer everything, and I'm just waiting to hear from him to see if by me calling the cops, I'm going to end up creating a much worse situation for myself if they lie and can convince the cops it's truth and my story is lies, I end up going to jail and they not only get to assault me but get to take the kids away too. 

I have to think, it was 3 vs 1, my house, I am the initial reporter, and have bruises all over both arms and my stomach and chest. So it would be hard to get 3 people that hashed out on the details to be able to lie about it really good for the cops to believe them, but I suppose it's possible. I actually feel guilty though. I don't want anybody to be charged or arrested, just wanted to have a proof card if they brought it up during custody hearings or something. Cop said though that there is likely more than enough evidence to arrest the dad and maybe the STBX. I guess that's domestic violence, and victims are taught to feel bad like "they deserved it" or "feel bad for anyone getting in trouble." But I have a Masters in Criminal Justice and have worked in Parole and a correctional facility, I should know better than to feel personally bad when someone else made a dumb decision and made me a victim. And then proceeded to use that physical altercation as a means to go all throughout the house and take things they weren't supposed to be taking.

Anyway, I guess I was just looking to the community for what they thought, and if anyone else had ever had something that crazy happen. And further, is there any reason I should feel bad at all? 

See my brain thinks no I shouldn't and thinks he was lucky I've worked criminal justice jobs and have been trained how to stay calm in a fight, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to walk away and might have very well ended up in the hospital for an extended stay. But my heart and my conscience feel bad for escalating this to where someone could go to jail. And then extremely worried that they might somehow be able to lie and get me out in jail. 

Anyway, what is everyone's reactions to that?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

cBlake said:


> So I'm a new member as of a week or two ago, and I posted the history of my relationship/marriage the other night and asked if I should have her served the divorce papers then, or wait til I could get a sit down with her to see if there was any tiny chance at reconciliation. Well I decided to go ahead and have her served this past Saturday, and that's when things got crazy.
> 
> I got two back-to-back calls at 8:44am from the STBX which told me she probably just got served. I didn't answer but text her about 5 minutes later saying "you didn't want to work on anything, and made your position to be done with it all pretty clear. So what do you need to say" She responded that she needed to come get a lot of her clothes and personal effects that were here and it needed to be that day because "apparently I have 24 hours to get them or its trespassing." I tried to explain she didn't need to do it that day, she said she did, then told me to wake the kids up and get them out. I said no, she said screw you, and then she said she was coming that day regardless and I could either leave the kids there or get them out but it wouldn't go well if they were there. So I said I would get them out just to be patient. She said she was coming over at 10am, little over an hour after being served, and was just getting clothes and her teaching things (that's all the order allowed her to get) and was bringing just her dad to help her carry things and asked if my parents would be here and I said no.
> 
> ...


Should've had a VAR running.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Install a nanny-cam before the next altercation occurs in your home. And it WILL occur.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My goodness! So sorry this happened . 

How long have you two been married? How old are the kids?


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Should've had a VAR running.


Should've also had a friend/cop/impartial third party for court there. Lesson learned, don't trust them with ANYTHING again. 

My gut says this will escalate unless you take control. VAR is your new best friend. 

Cheers,
V(13)


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I congratulate you on remaining calm. It's so sad when you've been with someone for so long and you don't even know what they are capable of and now she's being vindictive and trying to harm you. Thank goodness the kids weren't there to see that fiasco. You have no reason to feel guilty. Take care of yourself.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Sorry this happened. Things like this are pretty common, most lawyers advise clients that after one party is served to not see them without someone else present. Do you have a lawyer? I would ask them what you should do about filing charges.

The gamble you are taking is that she isn't going to do it first. Do you at least have the name of the police officer you spoke to?


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## cBlake (Jul 29, 2015)

I do have a lawyer, but since it was Saturday when she was served, there was no way to get my lawyer on the line to ask her what I should do. And yeah, I'll be looking into a nanny-cam/VAR, but it doesn't help me for this time. I have the name of the officer I spoke to, but in my state, once they step through the door, the decision on who gets charged and arrested doesn't lie with any civilian, it lies with the police. And to make me worry more, they have now spoken with her, her mom, and her dad, and didn't arrest anyone, and they are now referring it to a detective. So they must've been saying I was the aggressor and put my hands on her or something. Or the dad created his own bruising/scratches saying I came at him. I know I called the cops first, it was 3 vs 1, it was in my house, and I have all the texts from me saying I don't want her to come do it that day and her saying yes it's going to be today, and the fact they stayed 20 minutes after that walking around taking more things so if I was the aggressor why wouldn't they leave. So I should hope it is a very unlikely scenario that I'm the one that gets charged, but for there to even be a slight chance it's demoralizing. 

I get assaulted by 3 people, in my house, which now everytime a car door shuts outside I look out the blinds to see if I need my gun because the crazy in her family doesn't stop with her and her parents, and then I might also be the ones to have parenting time revoked or greatly reduced to just supervised visitation or something stupid like that, and I would never get another chance to use my masters degree of criminal justice that I just got in May all because they attacked me and I restrained myself from harming any of them, yet they profusely lie and get to say I hurt them, get to play the victim and get all the support from friends and other family, get more parenting time, get to keep their careers, etc. 

This is why victims of domestic violence rarely ever speak up, because the deck seems stacked against the one that doesn't have the vast experience of cheating/lying/manipulating which the aggressors usually have in vast surplus over the victims. I'm over whether I should feel bad if they get taken to jail, but now I'm just insanely worried because there is a chance that I might be the one that goes to jail and loses everything when it's them that did this to me. I knew she had a temper, but her dad had never shown that, so I wasn't really worried, especially since I'm so much bigger than all of them, and because she was planning on divorcing me anyway. Once they showed up and I could see how angry they really were, I still never dreamed it would get to her dad doing something like he did.

But hindsight is 20/20 and I should have had someone there, or VAR, or something, but I have never been through anything like this, and neither has my family, so knowing/realizing all that now doesn't help, and makes me feel even that much worse that it could go against me, like it will be my fault for this happening.

I'm literally physically sick because of all this. I just keep telling myself that detectives do this for a living, and there are 3 of them trying to get the same details into a lie, and that's almost impossible, and it's just me that has to tell the truth. But then knowing them makes me think that they are such manipulative, lying, ****y people that if anybody can do it, it's them. 

She started wearing a brace on Sunday on her wrist and told the kids it was from falling down at school, and she posted a picture on Facebook saying it wasn't broken just sprained and it was from trying to sit down in a chair and missing the chair. I know she saw the doctor today because she knows it's sprained and not broken, so maybe she told the doctor the chair story because she talked to the doctor before she knew about the cops wanting to question her. But even that could be explained away as just "being a victim and not wanting to be honest about how it really happened until she knew she might be the one facing charges for something she didn't do". But I know that her posting on Facebook and telling her doctor it was a chair, it certainly wouldn't help her cause if then she then told the cops it was me. I just don't know. So many possibilities and I'm so used to being the one to get screwed over by her that I'm having a hard time thinking it will be any different.

We've been married for just over 4 years. And the kids are 6 years old, 3 years old. I'll definitely have at least audio going when I go to pick up the kids on Wednesday. Especially since now she will definitely have a reason to try to get me caught up if she is worried she might be facing consequences for her actions. And also because I know she is hateful and mouthy and doesn't think through what she says and could very well pop off about calling the cops and me being a ***** or even better yet admitting that she told them some made up story. 

So we will see, I'll update this thread when I know more, but right now I'm a little worried about being victimized twice over the same incident.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Get legal advice. Get a cam set up as well as having a VAR for any future events.

Get a R.O.

If attacked again, take them out immediately and call the police.

If you don't destroy her and her psycho family, well, they have shown you their intentions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wow, sorry this happened. 

You have of course learned a very important lesson. When possible have someone with you. And always have a VAR and/or hidden camera going when she or her family is around.

Look up the laws in your state for recording conversations and taking videos. 

Some states are one-party. In those states, you can record any conversation you are party to without telling the others. This is because you agree with yourself.

Some states are two-party. Meaning that everyone in a private conversation has to agree to the recording. In a two-party state, just announce that you are recording it. If they don't like it, they can leave.

There is a loop-hole, however, even in a two-party state, if you record a crime without the other person/people knowing you are recording.. it is still a legal recording. The loop hole is that it's in the public's interest to record a crime being committed for evidence.


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## cBlake (Jul 29, 2015)

Yeah, I'm a one party state, and I have a jailbroken iPhone and have a thing on my phone to record any phone calls she makes to me, texts are obviously saved. 

As far as recording our interactions, it will be hard, because she is so sick that she is playing the victim with this thing in front of me as well. Showing up to my house with her mom yesterday (but not today) to drop the kids off, but she won't even park in the driveway and won't step foot on the property. And I plan on doing the same thing there when I go to pick up the kids, but having it outside definitely does make it harder to record. And picking them up sometimes vs receiving them at my house makes it hard too to get any actual VAR footage. I know I can have my phone recording audio in my pocket, but it really needs to be video more than just the audio if anything happens because the audio won't tell them anything unless she is stupid enough to admit to lying. 

I'll have to look into tiny little VAR's, which I'm sure are going to cost more than I can afford, but I can't really afford a DV charge for their psychotic and never ending lying and manipulating either. So I'll need to get something ASAP, cause it could really be as early as Wednesday that she tries to set me up if they haven't hatched what she believes to be fool proof plan to spin this prior incident around and make me catch the charge. 

She's one of those people, and her parents are too, that she is so good at playing the victim and will manufacture whatever history she needs to in order to make her story seem realistic that I think they honestly believe themselves. Pathological.


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