# The Better Man Inside...



## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

After my marriage began to unravel a few months back, I started a very personal blog about it. It's raw and very exposing of my deep seated issues - wish I would have found this forum then as well. For the blog was more like ripping off an old bandage of myself, but with little guidance I feel I've begun to spiral. At least here in a forum environment you get feedback.

Has anyone else tried this apporach at self discovery in hopes to improve yourself?

Like some here, the economy has hurt many including myself... but all that's in my blog.

Anyone?


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

I have always found that writing things out is therapeutic. Are you finding that your blog is beneficial this way?


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

writing...anything, music...of course eating..lol,
reading, sometimes self help sometimes just fluffer romance.

i listen to people around me talk, sometimes when you are having a difficult time, others are as well, and since trash tv is gone[at least watching them made you feel 100 times better than your self] and you can pick up others point of view, and sometimes talk to them about their situation.

oh baking cake and cookies....with ice cream...


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

I too think that writing is very beneficial to the soul. It makes me let go of 'negative' feelings like resentment etc. Although, I do express my feelings most of the time there are some ocassions when I don't let go of the steam and instead choose to write or read something so that I feel better.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

My fear is of becoming self absorbed or beginning to wallow in self pity. I've exposed a great deal of my history, and it's a mess, but I felt exposing all this even would help. That and professional therapy, of course. 

Actually I've concentrated on eating better and shedding weight. But I did binge on some cookies I bought from niece during a Christmas fund raising drive lol

If you look up the title of this thread you'll find it. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

JohnR - I see that you only began your blog in September. You'll forgive me that I am responding without having read it, as I've got the toddler tugging at me right now.

I just wanted to say, that a quick look shows that you have 82 posts since September. That's a fair bit of blogging, and without reading it, I couldn't tell if most of your posts are of the pity-party variety or if they are focused on moving forward. But if you do a quick inventory yourself, I'm sure that you will be able to determine if you are "wallowing" in self pity.

Writing can be a great tool, but (like anything else), you have to use it in a way that gets you the results that you want. If you are simply dwelling on what is wrong, what went wrong before and what will continue to go wrong ... well, I don't see how that will be beneficial to you. But if you are using your writing to explore your past and learn from it and you are growing, then that is a positive thing.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

Exactly the reason I'm writing. To try to dust off the cobwebs and see what's broken underneath and come up with a plan to fix it. Professional therapy and other outlets have been helpful.

And I have been reading. But it bothers me at times to read what I've exposed, fighting the overwhelming urge to correct or even delete what was there. The farthest I've done is to correct spelling. lol

This is my first ever blog and it's about something I knew little of it seems - and that was me.

The reason I reached out here was to see if someone has done something similar and what courses of action, if any, were taken. Like I mentioned before, I feel like I'm spiralling - not downward, but in a holding pattern.


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

I've read some of your posts (and I've PMed you), but it looks to me like that you are not wallowing in pity or becoming self-absorbed ... at least from what I have read.

I think that you are doing something very positive and I think that you should definitely continue. I don't know if you are sharing any of this with your family, but I suspect that it would be VERY helpful for you to do so (not necessarily have them read your blog in it's entirity, but to take excerpts that you want to share - especially when you discuss how you feel about them - and share those with them).


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I tend to use this site as therapy rather than blogging, although I really want to collect some of my ideas from here and post them elsewhere. But yes, writing and thinking about other points of view and writing some more is very helpful to me for clarifying my thoughts and feelings.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

My wife knows about it - and a few of her friends I believe have read it. I cover it in there. 

Again, thank you for the words of encouragement, KQ, there have been some followers that have said pretty much the same as you do.

But what if I'm going about this the wrong way? Since I know my wife reads this, am I being fully honest or selective for her benefit?

Honestly, I have to say no. But I have caught myself in the way I word things - in part not to offend my oldest follower lol... she's a sweet old lady and has a really big heart. 

So, no one has done something like this - I was certain there would be more... it is rather therapuetic in it's release.


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

Okay, I'm really sorry ... I hadn't gotten far enough to see that your wife was reading your blog as well. There was a lot to read, lol.

I have started blogs on different occasions, most notably when my previous relationship was falling apart. I have to admit, though, that even though I didn't give my ex the information for my blog, I did censor myself in certain ways. There is something about broastcasting oneself that makes you (or makes me, at any rate) hesitate to say certain things.

I'm sure that, even though I wanted to be very truthful, there was always a slant to what I wrote.

Alternatively, I have written just for myself, and I have found that I am more honest that way. Just something that I have noticed about myself. I am a people-pleaser, so I find it difficult to let people down ... even people who don't know me, on an anonymous blog.

I hope that you continue writing. You sound happier recently than you did at other points in your blog.


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

Also, something that I have found helpful (though is sometimes a hard pill to swallow) is communication with people who have a different perspective than you. A blog is still wholly one-sided (not that it can't be helpful), and sometimes you need to hear someone else's perspective.

Forums have been ridiculously helpful to me this way. Just this week I got a huge dose of what I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear, on another forum. It was hard, but growing is hard.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

True. Having been on forums before - they all knew me personally. But with the blog - and here - my identity is unknown.

The only thing I've censored was names, with a few exceptions.

It's funny over 40 people have voted on the small polls I posted, but only two have chosen to follow the blog, so I guess what I'm writing isn't worthwhile to follow lol... just kidding.

Stepping over here was a way to see if creating the blog was the right approach to getting objective feedback. On forums, flaming becomes an issue and I thought the blog route would be a different approach.

Again, this was my first...


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

I stand corrected. I do censor my blog.

Having gone back and reread the last entry I noticed that I left out the fact that I not only took a photo of my stepdaughter but of my wife as well. My heart kinda skipped.

I think I left that part out so she doesn't hesitate to see me again or come across as needy... So I'm not being entirely honest, I guess.


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

I think that there are pros and cons to each approach, but that doesn't make one more wrong than the other and there is no reason why you couldn't continue both (and any other avenues of self-discovery).

I agree about the flaming. I got burnt on the other forum, but sometimes a little roasting is warranted. We have all made mistakes, and it's hard to acknowledge them. What is harder is seeing the mistakes that we are making _now_. I try to keep in mind, when I get flamed, that the poster is probably angry because I struck a nerve somehow ... and that probably means that there is something to be learned by what he/she has said, if they have been on the opposite end of my situation.

When I say that I censored myself on my blog, I meant more that ... I don't know that I fully let go in terms of being honest about my own demons/motivations/feelings etc for fear of being judged on them. I found it easier to talk to myself. I keep a blog that I do not publish ... it is not on my computer, so no one can access it there, but it is not online (only in draft form, so not readable by the public), so it stays in limbo. This is where I am most honest.

You sound like a decent guy, and I wish you a lot of happiness.


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## JohnR617 (Dec 23, 2010)

So no one has chronicled their marriage and personal issues through a blog before? 

Was hoping for some advice... lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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