# just got off a rollercoaster



## nmartinez49 (May 9, 2015)

Let me tell you about the love i had for this person before i tell you about the long rollercoaster ride i was on. my love was love at first sight i fell hard for this man i saw no wrong in him i beleived everything that came out of his mouth, i look at him with love i loved hugging him and i am not a huggable person but him well i loved showing my love.

I was with my husband for 12 years before we got married. I wanted to make sure before we got married and we did in 2008 and all this time he was hiding thing from me, i was so blind because i loved him deeply and still do but i had to do something beforeit got worst. everything was going so good until i found out he was doing drugs i didn't know anything about drug because i was not brought up around it so i didn't know how someone acted. He was a sweet man and loveable and did everything a wife wanted a husband to do. 
then i find out he has been cheating on me with more than one woman so i left him and we were seperated for a year and we talked and decided to go back with each other, i feel very strongly about marriage and he knew that. anyways i started to get text messages from women and one that was pregnant that said he was the father i confronted him and he denied it so i didn't beleive the person i beleived him and it went on for along time. he went to jail in and out every year from 2009 to 2010 and hen i came home he went back to the person i fell in love with well it didn't last love he started up with the drugs again and i left again and i told myself no more and that i was being stupid for taking him back over and over again. so i told him i was going to get an appartment in Fresno and he was going to come with me because i thought new place different town and different people well maybe he will stop so when i got an apartment i went to pick him up brought him to the apartment and it was good for 8 months and this time he left on his own because he said when i looked at him i did it with hatered and it was true i did hate him and i loved him and i could feel the two were fight with eachother part of me wanted him gone and part of me wanted him to stay. i got hurt so bad that i hated him so much because i didn't understand why he would do that to me he had everything from me but i guess he did care that much to at least try, he killed everything inside of me that i had for him and i don't think he was ever going to get that love i had for him back and he knew it. So i said to my self it was time to get off of this rollercoaster and just with me now, i can never take him back because of all the stuff that he did to me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

nmartinez49 said:


> Let me tell you about the love i had for this person before i tell you about the long rollercoaster ride i was on. my love was love at first sight i fell hard for this man i saw no wrong in him i beleived everything that came out of his mouth, i look at him with love i loved hugging him and i am not a huggable person but him well i loved showing my love.
> 
> I was with my husband for 12 years before we got married. I wanted to make sure before we got married and we did in 2008 and all this time he was hiding thing from me, i was so blind because i loved him deeply and still do but i had to do something beforeit got worst. everything was going so good until i found out he was doing drugs i didn't know anything about drug because i was not brought up around it so i didn't know how someone acted. He was a sweet man and loveable and did everything a wife wanted a husband to do.
> then i find out he has been cheating on me with more than one woman so i left him and we were seperated for a year and we talked and decided to go back with each other, i feel very strongly about marriage and he knew that. anyways i started to get text messages from women and one that was pregnant that said he was the father i confronted him and he denied it so i didn't beleive the person i beleived him and it went on for along time. he went to jail in and out every year from 2009 to 2010 and hen i came home he went back to the person i fell in love with well it didn't last love he started up with the drugs again and i left again and i told myself no more and that i was being stupid for taking him back over and over again. so i told him i was going to get an appartment in Fresno and he was going to come with me because i thought new place different town and different people well maybe he will stop so when i got an apartment i went to pick him up brought him to the apartment and it was good for 8 months and this time he left on his own because he said when i looked at him i did it with hatered and it was true i did hate him and i loved him and i could feel the two were fight with eachother part of me wanted him gone and part of me wanted him to stay. i got hurt so bad that i hated him so much because i didn't understand why he would do that to me he had everything from me but i guess he did care that much to at least try, he killed everything inside of me that i had for him and i don't think he was ever going to get that love i had for him back and he knew it. So i said to my self it was time to get off of this rollercoaster and just with me now, i can never take him back because of all the stuff that he did to me.


He is a drug addict and treats you as an addict would.
You should realize that addicts (of drugs, alcohol, etc) cannot and will not change their behavior just because you ask, fight, scream , shout or are in pain. They will not treat you with any respect nor stop stepping over your boundaries.
All they care about is their needs and wants and you are just a way of achieving that. They lie, cheat and have no empathy for your or anyone else. It does not bother them that they hurt you, leave you alone, lie to you, cheat on you and spend your money.
Their behaviour cannot and will not change until they make the decision to stop using. 
Until your husband makes that decision he will hurt you again and again and you will stay on the roller coaster.
However, you can make a choice to get off the roller coaster and leave him. Get yourself some help by joining Nar-Anon. This will help you to deal with your emotions as you are most likely co-dependent on your husband. You have to emotionally detach from him. Nar-Anon will help you do this.​


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A drug addict has only one love.. the drugs. It rules their life.

He was with you because you served a purpose. He may have loved you on some level, but it's no the kind of love that a non-addict has.

He used you. Maybe so he had one corner of his life that looked more together. Maybe it helped him feel like he was ok. Who knows.

You are better off without him.


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