# Husband's job...



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

It was confirmed today that it goes away Dec. 31st. He is handling it remarkably well and is on his laptop right now updating his resume. I worry that as the days get closer, he will not be this cool. Alot of men define themselves by what they do. Any thoughts to help him out, as this is his first layoff?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Oh! I remember when my DH was layed off. And we did not even have kids yet! Scary stuff. I am glad he is hitting the ground running. This market is not good. When my husband lost his job, the market was fine. His boss was an idiot. But there were plenty of jobs out there.

I don't really have any advice except perhaps to hold your tongue if you feel critical in the next weeks. A degrading self esteem is a yucky downward spiral.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

And man I am so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts go with you.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Thank you, VT. I feel like crying right now. I think he is holding it together for me but I don't how long I can hold it together. Happy freaking New Years.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

This really stinks! I was really hoping it wouldn't happen to him. My husband was laid off two years ago from the advertising agency he was with for a long time. In his field he was able to freelance until he found the job he's at full time shortly afterwards. My husband is a man who finds his work and ability to provide very important to his feelings of self worth so in that perhaps my husband and your husband are similar.

I think the best you can do is reiterate how good he is at his job, how this is a reflection of the economy and not his ability to do his job well. Ask him what he needs from you, let him know you understand how hard this must be for him and how much you admire him being able to handle it as well as he is now. It very well might get worse if he is out of work for a long period of time so be prepared to have to be stronger than you've had to be to get through it.

Still, don't be afraid to think of it as a possibility for a better chapter in your life and as an opportunity and relay this to him. Change is not always bad. It might be a great time to talk about possibilities for your future together.

Either way, I'm sorry that your family has to face this and I will be sending good thoughts your way. Give yourself a good cry but don't let him see it. Let me know if there's anything I can do. If you want to come to Jersey and he's in programming, my family has a business that would hire him in a heartbeat. Not sure of his specialty.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Brennan said:


> Thank you, VT. I feel like crying right now. I think he is holding it together for me but I don't how long I can hold it together. Happy freaking New Years.


If your expectation is that he holds it together, then do try to emulate same. 

Your tears only convey to him that he has let you and his family down.

Start reconsidering the priority and benefits of the move - realistically. Keep hitting the jacuzzi together.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I am with Deejo on this one. Rock time, if you can manage it. Not fixing him and his job, but capable family management or whatever you do normally. We will get through this TOGETHER is the attitude that may be best.

God what ****.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Thanks guys. I already went to a technical website and forwarded him 6 positions. I read one to him and his face lite up and he thanked me for my promptness.
One thing for sure, when the chips are down, we ALWAYS band together and make it through. We manage to put aside our bs and become each others rock on the financial and job front. It's all the other stuff we have struggles with.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Let him know that jobs may come and go, but you'll be happy with him regardless, because you married the man behind the job. As another poster said, now would not be the time to fret, although he sounds like the kind who would want you to be realistic. And its always a positive when couples are able to be mobile.

BTW - I reviewed quite a few resumes from people who lost jobs during the downturn. Hopefully, he will not be hesitant to brag about his talents, and make the first action sentence of each job focus on deliverered results in areas of execution, improved efficiency, cost reduction, etc, that are relevant to his job.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

takris said:


> Let him know that jobs may come and go, but you'll be happy with him regardless, because you married the man behind the job. As another poster said, now would not be the time to fret, although he sounds like the kind who would want you to be realistic. And its always a positive when couples are able to be mobile.
> 
> BTW - I reviewed quite a few resumes from people who lost jobs during the downturn. Hopefully, he will not be hesitant to brag about his talents, and make the first action sentence of each job focus on deliverered results in areas of execution, improved efficiency, cost reduction, etc, that are relevant to his job.


Thanks, Takris. Yes, his resume is impressive and he has always mentioned action words. His parents just left. They were here from out of state and they came over for dinner. His father read his resume and helped him with a few pointers that he will update either later tonight or tomorrow.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He sounds like a great guy and he's immediately set about doing those tasks necessary to land a new job. I'm sure someone will see his great qualities and hire him soon. Meanwhile, he's got an awesome wife who has his back. What man couldn't prevail with that kind of support? I think it's just these sorts of little "setbacks" that are actually blessings because they give us opportunities to really focus and strengthen our relationships; after all, that is far more important than anyone's job. All those times he had to work late and couldn't eat a leisurely dinner with his bride? Now, for a few days, you can treat him to a romantic candlelit dinner on the floor and y'all can make-out like a couple 17 year olds. He'll be back in the rat race soon enough. Lots of couples don't get opportunities to really test or to strengthen their relationship. Y'all have been blessed with one. Looks like a problem right now, but these are the kinds of times old couples recount when they squeeze each other's hands and smile. This is just a new chapter in your book of life and it could end up being the most romantic, most important one of all.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

First (hug) you can fall apart a little later when it's just you and I okay? For now look at all the benefits!


You may have an unscheduled "vacation" so you can spend time together!
He can find a job with more opportunity for growth.
You two can get through this TOGETHER by leaning on each other and grow even more close.
He can find a position with even better benefits!
He can go to work with people who are excited he's there
You two can enthusiastically re-arrange your life
He may have a chance for more training--which makes him even more valuable
He may get a good severance so you'll be okay for a while!
He was laid off because the company had to cut some or they would go under--not because he was a bad worker.
He'll have a GREAT chance to network with former workers, contacts and business friends!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Keep doing what you're doing, and best of luck


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is something I read one time but never forgot, I searched for it on google & found it again. My husband has never been layed off, but I have worried about this happening many times as it seems to happen to every family at one time or another. 

*Work is a Rubber Ball that Bounces Back*

Some things bounce back, and some things don’t … Sometimes the right metaphor helps us see things in a new way, or just right. In his 30 second speech on work-life balance, Brian Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola) gives us a powerful metaphor for thinking about what bounces back, and what does not:

…"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the Air. 

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. 

But the other four Balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.”…

Aside from the rubber ball metaphor, the take away he gives us is … work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends, and have a proper rest.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Okay, so he has about a trillion people asking for his resume now. He talked to former co-workers and what not. 
He asked me to look at his final version of his resume, so I did. 
It said Scum Master instead of Scrum Master. I laughed so hard yet changed it accordingly. He never knew. 
He is an awesome man. I cannot believe how many people will stand up for him and be willing to be his reference. That shows the measure of a man. That shows the measure of my husband!


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