# Wife acts like a man?? Long



## MrNice31 (Jun 6, 2011)

Hello everyone. 1st post here. This is going to be *long *so bear with me. I could use the advice.

Me and wife met in school. From the beginning, she showed signs of jealousy. But I was always very honest with her. Im a flirt. I mean no harm but its who I am. She said she was fine with that. We dated for about 1-2 months and she gets pregnant. Now mind you, we were still both in school. She already had a son at home that her mom was watching so that she could go to school. I really wanted her to get an abortion but I didnt press the issue, as she clearly stated she doesnt beleive in abortion. So she leaves school after 4 months pregnant and goes back home. (we were in another state for school). I stayed so that I could complete school. I stayed and around the time I was about to complete, my advisors from school hooked me up with an awesome job in mechanics. It was my dream job. It really was. But two weeks before I was sapposed to leave, she shows back up. She packed her bags and decided to move to the state we were in school at. She didnt talk to me about ANY of this! She KNEW i had a job planned out. Her reasoning behing leaving and coming (WITHOUT TALKING TO ME) was that she didnt want me to miss the birth of the baby, and that the living conditions she was in werent good. (I can understand that, as they werent.. but all she had to do was wait 2 weeks and I would have been there) So instead of leaving her and going to do the dream job, I stayed with her. 
Fast forward a couple months later. Our daughter was 3 months old when we decided to move to my home state due to threats of being evicted. Now up until this point she accused me of wanting to cheat on her, wanting my ex back, you name it... she accused me of it. If I wanted to go to a buddys house, it was "Oh he's gonna get you to leave me". (hes single and has house parties and what not) Even through all of that, I still stayed. 
So we got to my home state and lived with my mom for 2 weeks. I knew we needed to get our own, as I couldnt keep living with my mother. So we decided we would get help from the city that we were in. We planned on going to the shelter. The only thing wrong with that plan, was that they only helped families. We were not married. So in order to keep us together despite all the problems of lack of communication and trust, we got married in 2006. 
I thought that because we got married, the lack of communication and trust would get better, but it didnt! We got into several Horrible fights. Over my ex, over any female that I talked to, etc. Now I admit. I emailed my ex a couple times and told her I still loved her and wanted to be with her. But that was after all of the accusations. A couple of the fights got physical on her end. I would try to leave (to go to cool off) and she would scream "So youre going to leave me to go have fun? Well no the Bleep you arent" and ran to the door and stood in front of it so I couldnt leave. She punched me several times in the head, because I tried to leave the house. The names she called me still hurt me to this day. 
Through all of this, she told me that she lied when we first met. She told me she used to be a stripper. (not true) She also told me she got into a car accident. (not true) Why the hell would someone lie over something so stupid?
So fast forward a year or two. We now how two more daughters. I enroll in school. (to do the same thing I couldve already been doing had she not come back). That started the accusations again. "Youre going to leave me for a college girl". I was going to school for a while, but ended up stopping due to her accusations. Ive lost several jobs due to lack of childcare and lack of support from home. I still stayed.
2008 - Big fight happens. She doesnt know how to be quiet when we argue. I tell her all the time, if you just be quiet, I would calm down and we would be ok. But she just goes on, and on, and on. So we fight. I throw a tv (not a wise thing to do, I understand. But my anger got the best of me) Someone called ACS. Now we have an ACS case. 
This is when she claims she changed. I have to give her that the accusations have stopped. But this was after I had already given up all my friends and basically isolated myself. 
2009 - I enroll in school again. She goes with me and enrolls too. I told her "If we both start school, one of us will have to stop to get a job." She told me we would be ok. Now mind you she just stopped working out of the blue a month or two previously. No answers. Just stopped working. So thats what made me try to enroll so that we could be ok down the line. Low and behold, someone needed to get a job. Bills were coming! So I stopped. She stayed. 
I worked for a year or so and got some female acquaintences. She didnt say anything bad. No accusations. But then I messed up and started having intimate conversations with a lady at work. She got upset, but didnt freak out. Nothing like she did in the past. So now shes still in school. She had to take a semester off for our 4th and last child. She is going to have to take ANOTHER semester because they messed up her internship site. So I have nothing going for me. I have no job, (lost it in 2010), no education, no friends.
My problems right now:
1) Even though she claims she has changed, Im scared to have a social life. Im scared that its going to be a problem again
2) I cant get over the past (her coming back, the accusations, the fights ect...)
3) She "wants us to get over this". Wheres the us? What she means is she wants ME to get over it because I didnt do anything for her to get over.
4) Sex is bland. Theres lots of it, but its always in the same old positions. She refuses to get on top. And Im sorry to say that when she gets wet, I damn near fall in. She hasnt cheated. but why the openess? 
5) She doesnt cook. when she does, (its rare) it just sucks. 
6) She lets the kids do whatever they want to around her. then wonders why they only listen to me.
7) She doesnt take care of herself.  Meaning I dont think she showers that often. I counted like a week and a half almost two weeks one time before she washed herself. She puts on deodorant, and sprays herself. I mean she doesnt stink or anything but I thought ladies took pride in that kind of stuff. I dont want to feel like Im married to my buddy. He used to do that kind of stuff but even he has grown out of it.
8) The house IS A MESS. Plain old nastiness. 
9) She wants us to work out but how? How do I put this stuff behind me so that I can save our family?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You told your ex you loved her. You did do something. You proved her thoughts about you were true. And you continued to prove it. And claiming "just the way I am" about flirting showed no respect for your so. 

I see a lot of blame and not a lot of responsiblity for your decisions. That is where you need to begin. You were passive about most things until you explode. Maybe the way you didnt exactly want her in the first place is something to think about. And then having more babies with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

So.. you have been codependent to the point of getting married in order to receive public aid, which you needed because you passed up a perfectly good job for this person you knew you couldn't trust. In the meantime you have endured physical abuse after flirting with other women, and now you are afraid to go out for fear of more abuse.

I'm kind of at a loss. I hope you can figure something out, especially for your children's sake.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> You told your ex you loved her. You did do something. You proved her thoughts about you were true. And you continued to prove it. And claiming "just the way I am" about flirting showed no respect for your so.
> 
> I see a lot of blame and not a lot of responsiblity for your decisions. That is where you need to begin. You were passive about most things until you explode. Maybe the way you didnt exactly want her in the first place is something to think about. And then having more babies with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I disagree. he told the ex he loved her about 4 years ago. Yeah, big mistake but it doesn't deserve the treatment since then.

He made an an effort to go to school and get jobs but things haven't worked out. that shows SOME responsibility.

She sound compulsive and depressed. He sounds weak and indecisive.

They should both be in counseling, individual and marriage. And for God's sake, stop having kids.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

MrNice31 said:


> Hello everyone. 1st post here. This is going to be *long *so bear with me. I could use the advice. Please try to use paragraphs so that it is easier to read.
> 
> Me and wife met in school. From the beginning, she showed signs of jealousy. But I was always very honest with her. Im a flirt. I mean no harm but its who I am. She said she was fine with that. We dated for about 1-2 months and she gets pregnant. Now mind you, we were still both in school. She already had a son at home that her mom was watching so that she could go to school. I really wanted her to get an abortion but I didnt press the issue, as she clearly stated she doesnt beleive in abortion. If you know that the flirting bothers her and make no effort to change it, you DO mean harm. Such behaviour is disrespectful to your wife; why do you feel that she should endure that? I thought she would have been smart about birth control if she already had a baby.
> 
> ...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Chris Taylor said:


> I disagree. he told the ex he loved her about 4 years ago. Yeah, big mistake but it doesn't deserve the treatment since then.
> 
> He made an an effort to go to school and get jobs but things haven't worked out. that shows SOME responsibility.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

One more thought... why do you think she is acting like "a man"? She's acting like an a-hole, which knows no gender.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

*You are both addicted to chaos.* And believe me I know it can be seductive. And really, can you just manage to STOP pumping out more kids? What the hell? I read that thing 4 or more times and still couldn't make complete sense of it. The two of you live in a constant state of anarchy. 

Maybe you're not suited to be together. I can't see how this improves. Honestly I can't. When your mutual dysfunction feeds off one another and accelerates, where does it end?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I met a girl like this in college, same scenario, previous kid, we lived together... only difference being, i didn't knock her up and i bolted once i realized she was a nut job. Methinks you saw some early RED FLAGS... but you either ignored them or saw it as a challenge. I never liked playing the roll of Captain Save Em! So my heart goes out to you because you are indeed in a messy situation. The chance of her changing long term... is doubtful. She sounds bipolar. Like the advice stated above, try to get some marriage counseling, and no more kids.


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