# He left me for another woman, I want him back desperately



## rosier (Aug 15, 2012)

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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but get some self respect, do what you need to do to get over him, and move on. He's giving you a great big sign about who he is and where you fit in his life.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, how old are you, and how many serious relationships have you had?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Sorry this happened, but it's only been 9 months and you were not even engaged. 

It's alright to feel sad and overwhelmed right now, but don't let it affect you more than a few days. He clearly doesn't want to be with you. You shouldn't want to be with him either.

I'm curious how old you are too.


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## rosier (Aug 15, 2012)

Excuse me I did't specify some details;
I'm 25, he is 10 years older.
I had two serious relationships before I've met him.

The thing is, I really can see that rational side of this.
I'm aware that my behavior absents any sign of dignity and self respect.
Right now, there are strong emotions speaking through me.
I know, that if he loved me, he would never be able to replace me like he did in that sneakiest way as he could.

I just feel so sorry and sad this happend to us, because our relationship was full of love, gentleness and joy. It was intensive love, he treated me like princess. I cared about our relationship like about most precious treasure.

I just feel so broken, that this beautiful relationship had to end that pathetic way.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

rosier said:


> Excuse me I did't specify some details;
> I'm 25, he is 10 years older.
> I had two serious relationships before I've met him.
> 
> ...


Rosier, I'm sorry you are hurting. It is hard to know that the man you love and planned a future with has replaced you. Believe me, I know.

But he has made it very clear that, that from his pointment of view, it is over. To paraphrase what someone here told me today, it is impossible to build a relationship when it is just you in it. 

Stop chasing him. Crying and begging only make you look waek, and why would he want to be with a weak person? You need to focus on you. Read the post about the 180 or Google 'the 180'. It will help you get through this and become a stronger, more confident woman.

I know it hurts.

Hugs.


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## rosier (Aug 15, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Rosier, I'm sorry you are hurting. It is hard to know that the man you love and planned a future with has replaced you. Believe me, I know.
> 
> But he has made it very clear that, that from his pointment of view, it is over. To paraphrase what someone here told me today, it is impossible to build a relationship when it is just you in it.
> 
> ...


Thank You, I'm really grateful for your supportive words.
I know You're right.
I will definetely follow Your advice to chceck 180 issue.

In my opinion there are just three ways how can this end;
- he will never come back
- he will come back and I will be able to be with him again
- he wil come back but I will be miles away and finally over this

My brain is totally for first alternative.
My heart is desperately wanting to end it in second option.
My egotism is definetely for third possibility.

Somehow or other, life goes by, there is waiting my happines somewhere. I'm not scared of being single, right now I'm just scared to not have him in my life anymore.

It's just overkilling, those feelings is no one able to get out of their head by night.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

rosier said:


> Thank You, I'm really grateful for your supportive words.
> I know You're right.
> I will definetely follow Your advice to chceck 180 issue.
> 
> ...


You have done some thinking and come up with the three logical outcomes. Just a note about the third one: Egotism is self-centeredness. He has hurt you and part of you would like for him to be hurt back. Unless you are a saint, that's quite normal. And you are allowed that self-centered thought. But the other part of that third desire, the part about being over him, that is not egotism. That is ego. Ego is the core of You. And its telling you something. You don't want to hear this, I'm sure. but the first part of number 3 is the most likely outcome . Its up to you to make sure that the second part comes true.

That is my long-winded, roundabout way of saying: work on yourself. Become strong, confident, independent. Don't let this define you. You are better than that.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

The 180 in a nutshell. Usually applies to divorce, but I guess you can try it. Good luck.


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## rosier (Aug 15, 2012)

I thought it would be easier for me, no matter how I try, but there is still living naive hope that he will return.
Friend of mine was in a similar situation, she broke up with her boyfriend because she was convinced that their relationship has no future, explained it to me literally that "she was sick of him." She also during the break began with another man.
She returned, however she realized during the separation, she misses him, it makes sense and the better it will be with him again. So far they are together.
I realize that this is a desperate, but I will fix on the idea that I can manage to get him back. I love him so. I am convinced that he is the right one for me, even if he made mistake. 

I am able to forgive him, because I made in previous relationship the same mistake. Also, I hesitated, also I cheated. But I know how it is, I know there is a chance. We broke up for completely different reasons.


It's not so easy, although it was a short time, we were not engaged, not married, but maybe there is hope.
People are still breaking up and getting together, and if there is any hope that when he sees that I'm able to give him everything he needs, I will invest into it all my energy, so I could get him back...

If there is any chance 180 will work, I'm in.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

rosier said:


> I thought it would be easier for me, no matter how I try, but there is still living naive hope that he will return.
> Friend of mine was in a similar situation, she broke up with her boyfriend because she was convinced that their relationship has no future, explained it to me literally that "she was sick of him." She also during the break began with another man.
> She returned, however she realized during the separation, she misses him, it makes sense and the better it will be with him again. So far they are together.
> I realize that this is a desperate, but I will fix on the idea that I can manage to get him back. I love him so. I am convinced that he is the right one for me, even if he made mistake.
> ...


Rosier, you are thinking of the 180 in the wrong way. It is not a set of tricks to get your boyfriend back. It is a way to help you grow so that no matter what happens, you will be a strong, confident person. If your boyfriend notices and likes what he sees, great. But that is not the purpose and I fear you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

You said in an earlier post that your brain is ready for the possible outcome that he won't come back. I don't think your brain is ready. And its more than a possible outcome. It is the most likely outcome. He has no legal ties to you. He cheated on you for a month. He left. 

He's gone. I know it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before, but you need to face it, accept it and move on.

Do the 180. But do it for you. You need to develop some self-esteem. No-one should be treated the way he has treated you. The 180 will help ensure that no-one ever does again.

Decide what kind of person you want to be, not what kind of person you think he wants.


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## ananymously1 (Dec 13, 2012)

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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife has broken down crying and begging - twice during this whole ordeal. Did it make her look weak and pathetic? Yes
Did it make me lose respect for her? Yes
Respect isn't something one can choose to do, it's earned.

It was only when she rejected me (and she did it in style) and showed me that she can stand on her own two feet by herself that re-earned my respect for her. Trust me, the LAST thing you want to do right now is to be all desperate and pathetic in front of him.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

How are you, Rosier?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Maybe I can offer some assistance. But you'll have to pardon me if this is a little brief and to the point. I'm fighting off the flu and kinda in and out at the moment. 

Rosier, you want your boyfriend back you're going to have to listen to the divorce veterans here and do as we tell you. After the breakup there are only two things you can do that will help pull him back or get you over even the worst relationship..... Just *Pull back* and *Act happy*. 

Pulling back and going no contact or very very very limited contact, as I have proven before, helps you with your goal because you make it clear you're not going to put pressure on him to change him mind. Begging, pleading, crying to him.... all of that is manipulative because it shows him you only want what you want and don't respect his decisions. 

Acting happy actually helps you get happy because you stop making excuses to find flaws with everything and focus on the brighter things in life. Whenever you need to cry you do it, but don't keep focusing on him and other things that make you feel sad. And this is coming from a guy who recovered from suicide after my ex W dumped me for some loser stoner. 

To be honest with you those months after she left after being cheated on were the worst and I couldn't take life so I emotionally checked out for a while. I don't want that to happen to you because there are other guys out there that don't cheat and will commit to the relationahip or call it off instead of being so selfish. Cheating hurts more than any BS "This just isn't working" or "I need space to find myself" excuse. 

You may not see it now but just the fact that you came here asking for help and support instead of f*cking the OW up and slashing the exe's tires shows you are a good woman who deserves to be with great guy. In my book anyone who blames themselves for the mistakes of their ex and seeks change is automatically granted the status of a good man or good woman. Had you been some vile sociopath you I wouldn't have taken this long to explain.

I hope this helps. Sorry if I didn't explain well enough or pissed anybody off. I'm not feeling myself.


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