# Wife tells me I put work first



## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

So I get home at 6:30 pm which is about normal time for me. After dinner the wife tells me that I put work before the family because I never eat a sit down meal. This really pissed me off because it literally came out of no where.

I don't drink, smoke, gamble, or do anything that would be considering a vice. I'm able to come home for breakfast and sometimes lunch. I visit my kids at school regularly. I'm in the military and live on base so the kid's school is very close and my commute is less than 4 miles. The issue is that I'm an Officer and my job does require long hours because of my position. I old her to pick a day during the week for a family dinner and she said every night is a family dinner. I told her that's not going to happen. 

So when she said this it not only pissed me off but it hurt emotionally as well. My family has nothing to want for. They are provided for above and beyond. 

Anyone else have this issue?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You got home at 6:30 and that's too late for a family sit-down dinner? That seems early to me. What time are they eating without you?


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Do you suffer from the nice guy syndrome?
Does your wife have it to good?
Does she ever bend to please you?

Just a few questions to ask and read up on TAM

In this day and age many parents work different shifts
and eating as a family is only possible on a weekend.

Funny your getting it from working to hard.With some 
people you can't win these days.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Openminded said:


> You got home at 6:30 and that's too late for a family sit-down dinner? That seems early to me. What time are they eating without you?


They eat at around 5:30. Our kids are in bed by 7:15. It gives the wife and I a couple hours to ourselves but that doesn't seem to be the case in more.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> Do you suffer from the nice guy syndrome?
> Does your wife have it to good?
> Does she ever bend to please you?
> 
> ...


I don't have nice guy syndrome. I have no problem telling my wife to "fu&k off" if she's being a mean. The wife does have it good. She gets what she wants. Doesn't work. She takes great care of the family and for the most part she takes care of me. 

I'll check out TAM, thanks.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

If your wife is giving you grief over missing the evening meal what on earth is / will she be like if you are deployed overseas.

Seriously sit down with her and calmly remind her of how lucky she is to have a reliable provider as a partner.

If you were in the military when you married / decided to have kids then she should have known then that it’s not a Monday - Friday, 9 - 5 profession.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Why can't your wife feed the kids early and then wait to have dinner with you later?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sir,

Your wife is a military dependent. She has very little control over her life. She lives where your job takes her. She endures periods of separation when your job requires her to. She has to pull up and make new friends, leave her family, etc, when your job says. She knows she may someday have to trade you for a folded flag and a salute because you chose to be in the military.
Maybe she just needs to feel a little more significant. As an officer, you have to give an awful lot of yourself to the job and I'm sure you do. As you advance in rank, she'll become even smaller and your job requirements will become greater. 
There's no way you can come home in time for 1730 dinner every day but there are ways you can show her she's important. I've spent 31 years in the Army and I know our spouses take a back seat, no matter how devoted we think we are. Get a sitter and take her out to a nice dinner or maybe for a romantic weekend.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband works his arse off for us. He puts in very long hours since deadlines must be met. Once he gets home, he sometimes will exercise with running or biking. He never eats prior to exercise. Otherwise he leaves for the gym a couple hours before he gets home. Since my husband took over his department, his hours has greatly increased. The kids and I eat without him. Often I will make a second dinner for him, so it's fresh and hot and I will sit with him and keep him company.

I respect that he needs his space and workout time. My husband has a very stressful career while I get the entire day to myself while the kids are at school most of the day. 

With my husbands very busy schedule, he still finds an hour a night for one on one time with me. Usually after the kids homework is done. I try to have everything done, but sometimes it doesn't work that way.

My husband served his 6 years time in the military before we met.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm thinking this isn't really about dinner. She said he puts work before his family. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant. That's how she feels, so her argument is a valid one. She feels like his job consumes more of his attention than his family. Not sure any military spouse could possibly feel otherwise. He probably gets up around 5:00am or maybe earlier. Comes home around 6:30pm, more than likely has to do military business on the phone or computer for part of that time, in bed by 10:00. On a good day, she gets maybe 3 hours and Uncle Sam gets 13.5 hours. Hard to argue with the math. 
My wife probably wishes she saw more of me, too. That beats a wife who would like to see less of me. I expect this officer would positively love to spend more time with his family if he could, so they are both in agreement. No need for either to be angry with the other. Just a matter of figuring out a compromise. The reality is we place unbelievable demands on our folks, especially our leaders, and even greater demands on our families. It's a turd sandwich but that's part of why they call it "the service".


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

JohnSmithh said:


> So I get home at 6:30 pm which is about normal time for me. After dinner the wife tells me that I put work before the family because I never eat a sit down meal. This really pissed me off because it literally came out of no where.
> 
> I don't drink, smoke, gamble, or do anything that would be considering a vice. I'm able to come home for breakfast and sometimes lunch. I visit my kids at school regularly. I'm in the military and live on base so the kid's school is very close and my commute is less than 4 miles. The issue is that I'm an Officer and my job does require long hours because of my position. I old her to pick a day during the week for a family dinner and she said every night is a family dinner. I told her that's not going to happen.
> 
> ...


I don't think this is really about the family dinner. I think she feels unappreciated and is using the family dinner as an indirect way to get you to spend more time. I don't know what your family dynamics are. Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable talking directly to you about things. Do you really tell her to f*ck off as you said in your second post. If someone used those exact words to me, I'd probably not feel like opening up to them. If that's how you two communicate then I can see you have other problems in the relationship besides this family dinner issue.

You talked about what a great provider you are. And you probably are. But are you a great husband_ in your wife's eyes._ I think in your eyes, by your standards, you are a great husband. Would she say the same? I have a feeling she feels she doesn't get enough attention from you as she wants. I have a feeling she thinks you put others ahead of her and that she's last on your list. I have a feeling she feels if your superiors want something from you, you'll cut into family time or personal time to do that. I think she feels you wouldn't give her the same priority. 

You might be looking at all the material things you provide her, but she might be looking for attention, validation and emotional support. 

I think you two have some communicating to do. She's not wrong and neither are you. You're both looking at the situation from different perspectives.


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

Hmmmm not too long ago, I started a thread complaining about how my OW is my husband's work too...but, in all fairness my husband's out of the door by 7:30 am and is back home at 9 pm.. we don't have breakfasts or lunches together (which we used to when we got married as his office used to be 10 minutes away)...we don't even have dinner together these days...sometimes even weekends are taken up by his programming....but we do get a couple of hours every night before we hit the bed...its what we do during those 2 hours that counts...

In your case though, I think there's something more to her thoughts behind the 'Your work comes first'...it could be a temporary grudge - something she picked up from somewhere and she's venting it out to you... or could be a hormonal phase...OR
something more permanent (a long-term resentment she's holding on to - not necessarily justified, but nevertheless its there)... 
Either way, you'd need to have a sit down with her...make a plan both of you agree on... and not fall back into the old routine...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Work is extremely important into maintaining and running a household. Even though marriage should be the top priority, work needs to be right up there with the importance of marriage. Granted there's no "workaholic" in either spouse.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

My sister is a military wife. Married a nice guy young who was already in the service. I frequently hear "the military owns you" you don't get to pick the hours all the time, where you live nor when you come home. 

I also hear a lot of gratitude when he loads or unloads the dishwasher or changes the laundry or brings her flowers. It's not the dinner. It's the long day with children and a need for affection or added home support. A moms morning out, a dinner date, even pitching in once in a while will go a very long way. 

My spouse is out of the house for about 12 hours a day. I have a special needs child with complicated medical issues. I'd be over the moon if our marriage was in a better place and he saw how difficult each day was. Mothers don't sit around all day eating Bon bons. Even picking up after yourself or putting used dishes in the dishwasher gets noticed. I know my spouse wouldn't last a day in my shoes and be able to get up each morning and accomplish all the things that need to be done in a day.

I hit the pillow each night physically exhausted. There isn't much in the way of down time nor me time. And there have been long stretches of hardly any sleep. 

If your up for it... "Honey I would absolutely love to have dinner as a family, but the two schedules don't seem to align right now. Would you wait and have dinner with me after the kids are in bed?....if no, Is there something else I can help you with?" 

Developmentally kids need to each with their parents but your wife could have a snack at that time.


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## reubsky (Mar 21, 2013)

i thik you should explain to he rthat this is normal. 6.30 is not late it seems okay why dont you change the dinner time at 7.00 maybe


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I suspect this is a wife expressing her feeling of isolation. That's an emotion. Rational explanations and arguments can't overcome or change her emotions. They could only silence her and that wouldn't help either of them.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Sir,
> 
> Your wife is a military dependent. She has very little control over her life. She lives where your job takes her. She endures periods of separation when your job requires her to. She has to pull up and make new friends, leave her family, etc, when your job says. She knows she may someday have to trade you for a folded flag and a salute because you chose to be in the military.
> Maybe she just needs to feel a little more significant. As an officer, you have to give an awful lot of yourself to the job and I'm sure you do. As you advance in rank, she'll become even smaller and your job requirements will become greater.
> There's no way you can come home in time for 1730 dinner every day but there are ways you can show her she's important. I've spent 31 years in the Army and I know our spouses take a back seat, no matter how devoted we think we are. Get a sitter and take her out to a nice dinner or maybe for a romantic weekend.




This is the best post on here, and thank you for your service. I am a military vet and my ex is career military so I've been on both sides of the fence. As a military spouse you are insignificant; you don't exist as a separate person with your own needs or dreams. In fact, my experience was that the military actively discourages spouses from pursuing anything because a professionally successful spouse gets in the way of service men re-upping. There's a reason the military tells you that if they wanted you to have a family they'd issue you one. I know you're working hard but I would recommend that you take a step back and take a good look at what her life looks like as a military spouse; she has essentially agreed to give up aspects of her life so you can pursue your career. Every time you move you automatically have a job and people to meet; she gets to start over. The whole gig is all about you and she exists as an accessory; that's what the military thinks and that's how she feels. Having done both it's my opinion that in many ways the life of the spouse is more difficult than the military person. Why don't you start by acknowledging what this life is like for her and asking specifically what she needs from you given what your job demands? And yes, follow this wise gentleman's advice and take her out to a nice dinner.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

reubsky said:


> i thik you should explain to he rthat this is normal. 6.30 is not late it seems okay why dont you change the dinner time at 7.00 maybe


I'm no longer at that unit and am home everyday by 5pm or earlier. I have time for everything now but doesn't seem to make difference. 

So it's Christmas morning and the wife went back to bed because she was "tired." She's been wearing the same pajama clothes for three days. I ask what's wrong and she says nothing. I tried to watch a movie with her last night and she told me to go away. 

This latest event stems from the fact that I didn't buy her a Christmas present. The fact is, she bought herself everything she wanted at the begining of the month. These were big ticket items of a couple hundred dollars each. I knew she wanted them and was going to get them but she didn't want to wait. So I got her something small (because we're not made of money) and she says this morning, "I already have something like that." Not a thanks or anything, just a very snobby remark. Mind you, our kids were very well taken care of and it was a great morning with the exception of her attitude.

Our relationship goes in these cycles where it's great and then it goes to wow, maybe I made a mistake marrying this woman. If it wasn't for an amazing three kids, I'd leave her. She doesn't appreciate anything I do and thinks I just screw off at my job all day. I'm a military Officer so it's not like I'm shamming out of work each day. I'm held accountable for everything I do and have a tremendous amount of responsibility. On the other hand, I fully recognize how hard she works at home. She accuses me of not appreciating her. And sometimes I don't. It's hard when I come home from a full day and there are literally three piles of dirty clothes and she hasn't taken a shower yet. Or she asks me to go to the store when I get home. What has she been doing all day?

Sex, no major change. It's a chore for her. Whenever I mention it she tells me I'm a pervert and selfish. Just feel like I'm being emasculated. She expects me to cook, clean, and everything. 

Anyways, I really appreciate this forum. It allows me to vent and learn. I jsut ordered the married man sex life primer from Amazon this morning so let's see if that will help. Thank you for your continued support.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> This is the best post on here, and thank you for your service. I am a military vet and my ex is career military so I've been on both sides of the fence. As a military spouse you are insignificant; you don't exist as a separate person with your own needs or dreams. In fact, my experience was that the military actively discourages spouses from pursuing anything because a professionally successful spouse gets in the way of service men re-upping. There's a reason the military tells you that if they wanted you to have a family they'd issue you one. I know you're working hard but I would recommend that you take a step back and take a good look at what her life looks like as a military spouse; she has essentially agreed to give up aspects of her life so you can pursue your career. Every time you move you automatically have a job and people to meet; she gets to start over. The whole gig is all about you and she exists as an accessory; that's what the military thinks and that's how she feels. Having done both it's my opinion that in many ways the life of the spouse is more difficult than the military person. Why don't you start by acknowledging what this life is like for her and asking specifically what she needs from you given what your job demands? And yes, follow this wise gentleman's advice and take her out to a nice dinner.


This is a great point and something I didn't consider. Thank you.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> I don't think this is really about the family dinner. I think she feels unappreciated and is using the family dinner as an indirect way to get you to spend more time. I don't know what your family dynamics are. Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable talking directly to you about things. Do you really tell her to f*ck off as you said in your second post. If someone used those exact words to me, I'd probably not feel like opening up to them. If that's how you two communicate then I can see you have other problems in the relationship besides this family dinner issue.
> 
> You talked about what a great provider you are. And you probably are. But are you a great husband_ in your wife's eyes._ I think in your eyes, by your standards, you are a great husband. Would she say the same? I have a feeling she feels she doesn't get enough attention from you as she wants. I have a feeling she thinks you put others ahead of her and that she's last on your list. I have a feeling she feels if your superiors want something from you, you'll cut into family time or personal time to do that. I think she feels you wouldn't give her the same priority.
> 
> ...


You are correct, we both have trouble communicating. It's hard for both of us to have a conversation without someone walking away mad. We're more likely to not speak to each other for a couple days and than sit down and talk. We have to work on that.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

```

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unbelievable said:


> Sir,
> 
> Your wife is a military dependent. She has very little control over her life. She lives where your job takes her. She endures periods of separation when your job requires her to. She has to pull up and make new friends, leave her family, etc, when your job says. She knows she may someday have to trade you for a folded flag and a salute because you chose to be in the military.
> Maybe she just needs to feel a little more significant. As an officer, you have to give an awful lot of yourself to the job and I'm sure you do. As you advance in rank, she'll become even smaller and your job requirements will become greater.
> There's no way you can come home in time for 1730 dinner every day but there are ways you can show her she's important. I've spent 31 years in the Army and I know our spouses take a back seat, no matter how devoted we think we are. Get a sitter and take her out to a nice dinner or maybe for a romantic weekend.


My sincere thanks to the both of you, and all who serve our great nation. Sorry for the hi-jack.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

John, do you know what Active Listening is? Google it. I think it would go a long way towards making your wife, and then yourself, happier.

The MMSL might help. I have only read some of it. 

But active listening, and then acting on what you both share with each other, would probably cure your problems.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

JohnSmithh said:


> I'm no longer at that unit and am home everyday by 5pm or earlier. I have time for everything now but doesn't seem to make difference.
> 
> So it's Christmas morning and the wife went back to bed because she was "tired." She's been wearing the same pajama clothes for three days. I ask what's wrong and she says nothing. I tried to watch a movie with her last night and she told me to go away.
> 
> ...


 I can understand her being angry. She has a right to that as you do too but she doesn't have the right to get ugly with her remarks. That is unacceptable and wrong for her to say and act in that kind of manner. 

You should let her know that her words wont be tolerated and her actions are getting just as bad. It's one thing to be called on the carpet and another to be insulted and treated like your worthless.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Read also the Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

JohnSmithh said:


> You are correct, we both have trouble communicating. It's hard for both of us to have a conversation without someone walking away mad. We're more likely to not speak to each other for a couple days and than sit down and talk. We have to work on that.


Modify that statement to be YOU have to work on it. You know perfectly well if something is bothering her, or left unresolved. Refuse to let yourself take the easy way out. Face that conversation. Engage in active listening. Repress your defensive responses. I'm not saying cave in to her demands, by all means they could be unreasonable, but you need to learn to dig to the heart of the matter, and how to help her feel safe to disclose that information to you. I found it helps if I can approach the conversation from a neutral viewpoint, to try to get my ego out of the middle. I can listen more effectively, I can still advocate for points from my view, but I'm less invested in 'winning' so to speak, but rather solving issues together as mutually valued partners. It is much easier to say than to do, esp. over the long haul, but you just keep trying. You'll fail, that's ok, regroup and do it again. Every day, every time.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

SadandAngry, thank you for the tips. I tried to use them yesterday. I asked the wife what was wrong, could we talk about it. She was adamant that nothing was wrong but it was painfully obvious that she is harboring some kind of anger or resentment.

I told her that I'm ready to listen when she wanted to talk. We'll see how today goes. Yesterday was a great Christmas for the kids but probably the worst one in my life so far. Just felt like I was on pins and needles all day.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My husband was AF for 27 years. I met him when he had 8 years service. I had no idea what I was in for. When we married it was only 3 months and we had our first assignment to Italy....had never been out of the US. We were at a MUNSS site with very little American facilities and our nearest commissary was 85 miles away. Talk about having to learn the military way of life and fast....we were a step family with 4 children....kids had to ride a bus 1 hour each way to school. It was hard and I sure did my share of complaining and n o doubt there were tears as this was overwhelming at times. Husband was gone ALOT which meant I had the full responsibility of all 4 children and everything around the home. It was not the life I imagined at all. However, what I can say is that I learned alot. I felt like a single mom most of the time and was angry at times about it. 

It is not a matter of being there for breakfast and lunch, you are actually doing more than most if you can do that. It's simply the lifestyle and it is not easy.

I had to accept it and when I did I made it fun for me and my kids. Hubby was kind of excluded because he wasn't around alot. I learned to go on vacations and cruises without my husband. I learned to have a life but it took alot of hurt to get me to that point. 

Like you, we were disconnected due to the career and his need to be with the men and do men things which I felt were more for single men, it was like he was trying to live a single man's life inside a marriage and it simply wasn't working. Little by little I did withdraw and disconnect, he simply was not there for me.

He's been retired now for 8 years, still works as a GS for the AF and has the military connect which I think is good for him. He is not gone as much and as he has gotten older I think he is learning that in order to keep a marriage going you have to work on it and not just the career. We are not super close but he is trying and I am too.

It's not a matter of siding, or one person seeing your side verses your wife's, it is a matter of understanding where she is coming from and how she feels.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Thank you for the military spouse view. It's helpful. Both of us really do not have close friends here. We have acquaintances and neighbors but not the kind of people we go to dinner with or go see a movie with. I do think that plays a role in it. In the past she's been able to have a girls night or just go over and visit. Here, she hasn't found that yet.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Update 26DEC13 - all the kids are asleep. Tried talking to her and she said she doesn't want to talk to me. Asked her this a few times, same result. Told I loved her, she didn't say anything back. She's still in the same pajama clothes for four days.

She took a nap at 5pm for some random reason even though she slept in while I made breakfast for everyone. I guess I just gotta let this work its course. It's painful.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Then here's what you do. Fill the bath tub full of water, pick her up and drop in clothes and all, hand her a bar of soap and wash cloth and tell her, "It's bad enough I have to tolerate your piss poor behavior but I don't have to smell it" and let her know that it's either the bath and fresh clothes or you'll take her out in the driveway and hose her ass off.

There's no excuse for that. None whats so ever and you don't have to tolerate it. 

Another thing. Hand her blankets, sheets and a pillow and tell her to sleep on the couch and stay there until she washes her ass and changes clothes. Whats next, she going to start $h!ttIng her pants just to make life more bitter for you. You don't have to sleep with person whose starting to have bad hygiene or live with them. Your the only one who can do something about it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

JohnSmithh said:


> You are correct, we both have trouble communicating. It's hard for both of us to have a conversation without someone walking away mad. We're more likely to not speak to each other for a couple days and than sit down and talk. We have to work on that.


sir, 
your painting a picture of my life in the 82nd...

as it turned out, communication was the biggest difficulty for us to overcome. in the end, i found that the best thing i can do is just tell her how i feel. if she did something that ticked me off, i just told her how i feel. i encouraged her to do the same, if i was failing to meet her needs somehow, tell me how SHE felt. 

i also made a rule... neither of us was allowed to tell the other what they intended or meant or felt by their actions. 

so, basically, i can only tell her the only thing that i know to be true, and thats me. and anytime she told me how i felt, i would call her on it and she would do the same for me.

it took some practice, but i started learning pretty quick how to make my wife feel loved and important. we both learned that there were a lot of messages that just simply weren't being received the way they were intended to be.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Wow 
Your wife does not have any idea on how lucky she is to have a husband like you. 
6:30 p.m.? it's way too early. I would be happy if my husband comes home anytime before 12:00 a.m. 
A man who do not drink, smoke, or game? only happen in my dream. 
Invite your wife to come to TAM to read some depressing threads and be happy with what she has.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

kitty2013 said:


> Wow
> Your wife does not have any idea on how lucky she is to have a husband like you.
> 6:30 p.m.? it's way too early. I would be happy if my husband comes home anytime before 12:00 a.m.
> A man who do not drink, smoke, or game? only happen in my dream.
> Invite your wife to come to TAM to read some depressing threads and be happy with what she has.


i don't think his situation with her really has to do with the amount of time at home. when we first got married, my wife and i had horrible communication practices and a horrible relationship. later on, with some better communication and better understanding of each other, we still managed a pretty good relationship, even though i usually left for training early monday morning and came home saturday evening... over and over again, for months on end.
that's why i suggest working on improving communication, since something is off.

maybe she is depressed?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I suspect your wife needs to talk to a woman she trusts. Can you call her mother/sister/bestfriend and ask them to contact her? She sounds seriously depressed and no one here can know what's going on in her head. Nor can they make the call that she has a great life and should be happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

JohnSmithh said:


> Update 26DEC13 - all the kids are asleep. Tried talking to her and she said she doesn't want to talk to me. Asked her this a few times, same result. Told I loved her, she didn't say anything back. She's still in the same pajama clothes for four days.
> 
> She took a nap at 5pm for some random reason even though she slept in while I made breakfast for everyone. I guess I just gotta let this work its course. It's painful.


Could she be depressed?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I would not worry about meals together as the criterion for putting the family first. Everything matters. 

Keep track of what you do with your kids every day - write it down if need be. Do it for a month. Then discuss with your wife. Schedule and plan ahead. 

If you have smartphones or use Google Calendar set up a shared calendar and let her know what you plan to do with them.

My 22 year old college student complains I drive her to the dentist. She has her own car etc but I still do it when she's home...


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

How long have the two of you been marriedd?

That being said, younger wives don't realize that your working long hours is how you give love to your family. I sometimes think that it might have been easier for spouses about 100 yrs ago to appreciated each other's roles.

I am not judging, I have been in your wife's shoes about 15 years ago. 

The two of you really need to sit down and talk. Explain to her that you are not hiding anything. Tell her that you are a very honorable man that is the top provider for her and the family, and that it stems from your deep love FOR her and the family that you work very hard.

Also remember that wives love dates..Try to take her out once a week if possible. Steal away time to go for breakfast/lunch/dinner or late night coffee. She will appreciate this very much

Good Luck!!


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

What electronics do you have with internet connectivity?


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

7 JAN 2014: I bought the Married Man Sex Life book and have almost finished it. I really like it and wish I had had it a long time ago. Everything makes sense. I started the MAP on Saturday. Got ride of two trash bags full of old clothes that I never wore or were just a little too big. Started getting some newer clothes. Basically trying to follow the plan.

I've been reading the posts from everyone and I appreciate it. My new assignment has me home at 4:30 every day and I'm not deploying. So lots of family time.

My only issue now is that I find I'm resenting my wife for how she acted during Christmas. She basically shut down and refused to talk about anything. Not interested in sex or anything with her. I talk with her but just generally not happy with her. I'm hoping it goes away soon.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AVR1962 said:


> Could she be depressed?


:iagree:

Sounds possible, doesn't it?


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

AVR1962 said:


> Could she be depressed?


After the third kid, I thought she had PPD. I told I thought she had PPD. She really hasn't been the same since. She does not interact with anyone here but the kids and me. I'm trying to put together a girls night for her. Let her go the a bar with some girlfriends and have some drinks. I think it would do her good.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> Wow
> Your wife does not have any idea on how lucky she is to have a husband like you.
> 6:30 p.m.? it's way too early. I would be happy if my husband comes home anytime before 12:00 a.m.
> A man who do not drink, smoke, or game? only happen in my dream.
> Invite your wife to come to TAM to read some depressing threads and be happy with what she has.


I tell her this all the time and she shrugs it off. I have always wanted her and tell her this. She calls me a perv. So I'm pretty much over it. Just gotta focus on the kids and the MAP right now.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You've been in the service long enough to know that whether a situation sucks or not depends mostly on how you perceive it. If you don't like resenting your wife's Christmas behavior, focus on what you love most about her instead. Christmas is stressful and it's not Normal Rockwell for most people. That's why we work so many domestic violence and suicide cases during Christmas. That's why folks are killing each other at WalMart over crap that nobody needs. Christmas comes once and a year and it's over. Next year you could well be chillin' alone, in a CHU in Afghanistan. Get over whatever you have going on over there and enjoy the time you have with the slightly imperfect wife you're blessed to have.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> You've been in the service long enough to know that whether a situation sucks or not depends mostly on how you perceive it. If you don't like resenting your wife's Christmas behavior, focus on what you love most about her instead. Christmas is stressful and it's not Normal Rockwell for most people. That's why we work so many domestic violence and suicide cases during Christmas. That's why folks are killing each other at WalMart over crap that nobody needs. Christmas comes once and a year and it's over. Next year you could well be chillin' alone, in a CHU in Afghanistan. Get over whatever you have going on over there and enjoy the time you have with the slightly imperfect wife you're blessed to have.


Thanks for the head check. I need to go smoke myself and remember I have my health, limbs, and family still.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

JohnSmithh said:


> After the third kid, I thought she had PPD. I told I thought she had PPD. She really hasn't been the same since. She does not interact with anyone here but the kids and me. I'm trying to put together a girls night for her. Let her go the a bar with some girlfriends and have some drinks. I think it would do her good.


I know this is an old post, but having been in the military encouraging your wife to go to the bar is not a great idea.


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