# Contact OM?



## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Has anyone ever contacted the AP & told them the story that their WS has told them on the extent of the affair? 
In a ways to compare notes.

My story has some added features to it....DDay was back in July, I moved out & then came back 6 weeks later. 
She had been in contact with this POS for 2 months prior to DDay.
Btw, this was a long distance affair initially started on FB.

During the time of me leaving our house for 6 weeks, my WW was in very heavy contact with OM via phone & texting. 

The twist in the story was that during this 6 week time she met some other guys online & started chatting with them too.

The original OM doesnt know she was doing this from what I can tell.

After I move back home we start, at least I thought we were, to reconcile.

That has been 5-6 months now that I we are in R, so to speak.
I have been monitoring her texts, etc. Nothing came up at all, no texts to OM at all.

Well, recently I found out that she has been in contact all along with the original OM thru a phone game app that allows chatting (Words with Friends). 
This has happened as recently as 4 weeks ago. 

He is professing his undying love for her, saying that he can never love again since she broke it off with him, he hasn't eaten in days, etc, etc. That he misses her....blah, blah....what a wimpy sounding b*tch. 
This guy is such a loser....he thinks he is entitled to her even if she is married. That he is hurt that he can't love her.

Her responses are that he will find someone to love...basically letting him down softly. 

But on the other hand, some of these conversations are initiated by her, the last one 4 weeks ago was. Which makes me wonder...whats the payoff for her. 

She has to know that what she is doing is unacceptable, hence using contacting him it thru a game app. She knows how I found out last time, so she is hiding it more this time.


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I'm wondering if I should burst his bubble with the knowledge that she was in contact with other guys she met on the internet?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'd just wonder what you're hoping to accomplish. It won't fix the fact that your wife is broken. Even if he dumps her, she'll just find someone else, and she'll know that she needs to hide it better. But go ahead, if you want to. Just be realistic about what you'll accomplish.

C


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Sorry to say this, but from what you wrote - it does not look good.

You will never be able to successfully R when your wife is still secretly contacting OM. Sure, you think she was "letting him down softly". Why? Why even contact the guy at all, and why care about letting him down softly. 

R cannot happen until your wife has no feelings for the OM. No contact.

Whatever you do, do NOT waste time in a false R (which is what you're in). Your wife has to come totally clean about all her communications and all the OTHER MEN she has been communicating with. She has to stop - NOW. Then she has to work to repair the damage with you. If she can't do this, then R won't work. Cut your losses.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

She initiated the contact 4 weeks ago....Dec 28th. 
But there had been contact using the same chat going back to October.

She was in the hospital recovering from major surgery (Dec 26 - 29). 
I was there with her the whole time....visited her everyday & stayed for several hours.

Given the time she contacted him, I was either down in the cafeteria eating lunch or somewhere else.

What a b*tch.....contacting this POS to let him know she is ok.
She has to hide it...b/c she knows no one would accept her doing this.

Dec 28th
Her: 12:00 pm
Just wanted to let you know I'm doing well....will get to go home later this afternoon or tomorrow.

OM:
thats good. I miss you

Her: 3:58pm
 

OM: 4:03 pm
please don't be a stranger  



Jan 02 8:05 pm
OM:
I like how I open up to someone else just to get
stabbed in the heart again.
I honestly give up, there is nobody out there for me.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

You know she's going to do this again right? She is feeding off his attention.

Don't minimize this, while it doesn’t “look” all that bad it does show you how she is not 100% committed to the M and doesn’t seem to regret what she done (most that really regret their A want to distance themselves from it as far as possible).

Don’t rug sweep this, it is a problem and you may need to blow this out of proportion to nip it in the bud.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

We don't have children....actually the surgery she had makes that final. She had a hysterectomy.

Knowing this, I can understand (in a weird way) how she might not be committed to the M & doesnt regret what she has done.

Should I expose her some more. After DDay, I exposed to her family & a few friends. The rest of her friends don't know about any of it.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Well Exposure was done once. If you have decided that it is over, what is the point. No kids if you D that is it, you never have to see or speak to her again.

I am not sure if this one if fixable but you have to decide your path


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Based on what you've written, the only reason I would contact him is to tell him to come pick her up - along with all her baggage. (both kinds).


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

The info. I used on cheaterville to expose OW (they had a secret 8 year 'just friends' friendship - lol!) was based on trickle truth by my H. It served a dual purpose: #1. To show her that he eventually badmouthed her with me as much as he had me with her & #2. To call them out because I suspected they went undeground after DD. His behavior towards me drastically improved since then. I am not saying I am buying all of it, but it is quite telling.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This OM sounds pathetic and your W is probably feeling all sorts of gratified by having multiple men want her so much. If she likes these feelings, which apparently she does, she won't stop on her own.

And you are not in R if she is sneaking around like this. If you want a true R, you have to get tough with her regarding the consequences of what she is doing. This means that she does the hard work of recommitting to the marriage, including being faithful, honest, and transparent, or the R is off. It does not mean that you secretly manage things by contacting the OM she has on a string. I would definitely not do that.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> She initiated the contact 4 weeks ago....Dec 28th.
> But there had been contact using the same chat going back to October.
> 
> She was in the hospital recovering from major surgery (Dec 26 - 29).
> ...


If she's still sharing a house and bed with you then there clearly is someone willing to accept it, tacitly at least. Your wife apparently has a fetish for having someone be emotionally dependent on her to the point of Byronic obsession. It's also clear that she is unable to police herself so if you want to save your marriage, if it even can be, you'll have to police her yourself and demand uncompromising transparency for as long as *you* deem necessary, and that she must provide it without reservation or complaint.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Jan 02 8:05 pm
OM:
I like how I open up to someone else just to get
stabbed in the heart again.
I honestly give up, there is nobody out there for me.[/QUOTE]

Wow! & this is the size of your invisible competition? You should feel really confident about this situation. He's an emotional puddle of p water. What a douche bag, drama queen! Expose again, on cheaterville...he'll run off like the little girl he really is...apparently she's his mommy.

Wanna boost your confidence some more: As a woman, any man who ever tells me this would get this...:rofl:

I can guarantee you this...She will never be able to meet his needs, he's an emotional basketcase. She's gonna get tired of it soon enough. If you want your wife back, practice up some "buffalo" stances - watch some Brad Pitt movies and watch his body language. Start taking care of yourself and your physique and get some new cologne, wear it all the time. She's gonna wonder what the hecks happened to you. Your marriage is fixable. She needs some deep emotional care and you are able to meet those needs. 

I dare say, hmmm...call up a florist have them deliver a bouquet of 'yellow' roses to your address. Have them write on the card on the To: Your name and Fr: Your Secret Admirer. Make sure she gets the door when they deliver it to your home.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I agree with Rightful, this OM won't be difficult to run off. The problem is. HOW many more will you need to run off. 

Unless/until she commits only to you and your marriage you will have problems. There's something missing in her life or wrong with her.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

The OM is a P u s s y. That is not the problem.

The problem is his wife is allowing him to be in false R while she contacts OM (maybe multiple OM's).

Farmer - you need to decide whether you want to continue this charade with your wife, or whether you want to call it quits. The charade of a false R is a TOTAL waste of time - I can say this from experience. If you don't do something NOW to stop this, you will end up regretting this in the future (maybe years in the future) when your R falls apart. You need a solid foundation for R to be successful. Without a solid foundation, nothing can be built.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> We don't have children....actually the surgery she had makes that final. She had a hysterectomy.
> 
> Knowing this, I can understand (in a weird way) how she might not be committed to the M & doesnt regret what she has done.
> 
> Should I expose her some more. After DDay, I exposed to her family & a few friends. The rest of her friends don't know about any of it.


No children...exit stage left.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is still being unfaithful. She is still in the affair.

Don't contact the OM, pst him on cheaterville.com

File for D. You are back home in a false R with a wife who is still choosing to betray you.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Your wife is still being unfaithful. She is still in the affair.
> 
> Don't contact the OM, pst him on cheaterville.com
> 
> File for D. You are back home in a false R with a wife who is still choosing to betray you.



:iagree:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Good luck OP.


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