# Question for the Ladies: How do I get her back?



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Long story short. Married 17 years, no kids. Still together and spend alot of time together. Last February she dropped the D word on me from out of the blue. I was blind to any idea she was thinking this way. I actually thought we had a good solid marriage, with the occasional bumps in the road. Obviously, she was unhappy and I did not pick up on her signals. Pretty certain there is no one else. Have investigated it a bit.

I suggested a MC, she agreed, we went a half dozen times, he only kept a flame under the bad things. We agreed to stop seeing him. I suggested we read Mort Fertels book together, she did with hesitation and barely attempted to follow the fitness plan. Done with that.

She claims she cares for me, wants a great marriage, even inserted the word love a couple times, but she is still very distant, does not want to do loving things, never follow an "ILY" with the same and recently told me she just does not have the feeling for me anymore.

I am at a loss. I have been a model husband since February and have bent over backwards to show her that I want our marriage to work. I wasn't that bad before btw. 

Whats a guy to do? Any advice welcome.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just stop doting on her. Start finding yourself and hobbies and stop bending over backwards.

Man up and she'll start seeing you differently. 

She knows she doesn't have to do any work to improve things because you are doing it ALL.

Back off with a smile and see what happens.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

TG: Thanks and appreciate the feedback. I have "No more Mr. Niceguy" and understand that I do qualify as a "Nice guy". What I don't understand is how the feeling of love can be missing when I have only been showing love. 

From a guys POV, it is almost like she is playing a mind game. I trust these are her 'feelings' but my efforts should result in a loving return on investment. I have been making positive love deposits for months, but the account seems to be empty.

I will reread the NMMNG.


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## itsnotmeok (Sep 28, 2011)

This is me - I have a similar situation going on in my marriage right now. Been married about half the time you have but our marriage has been pretty good and I don't think we went into the marriage with any unrealistic expectations either. Recently my wife just went cold to me. She hasn't suggested divorce and she said that's not what she wants but she's obviously unhappy. There is nobody else and I'm certain of this but it feels like I don't exist either right now.

Anyways, I like that _ girl's advice because this is what I was thinking my approach should be from now on. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm hoping that if she sees that I have my stuff together and everything is under control despite her attitude towards me, then hopefully she'll see things differently and she'll come around so when can really start working on the issues.


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