# Live in sister-in-law



## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

I have been married over 23 years. Seven years ago I agreed to let my sister-in-law move in with us. She has not worked in over 10 years and it seems she has no interest in finding a job. On top of that she is a hoarder and has made my life miserable. My wife refuses to do anything because she is scared of her. I do not get along with her mostly because she is not grateful and often disrespectful to me. I have been disabled and out of work for the last 8 years. I have attempted multiple times to address these issues and have gone as far as to ask for a divorce. Since I have no place to go and my wife refused to sign divorce papers, I am at my wits end. Please can someone help me. Any advice would be much appreciated.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Question... when was the last time you and your wife had sex with each other? Do you really have a marriage or just a roommate situation?

If it is indeed a roommate situation, then you need to figure out how to live on your own. You're a grown man, so you can figure this out. 

Only one person needs to want a divorce. Go find an attorney and divorce her. Again, you're a grown man, so you can figure this out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you mean that your wife was not willing to throw you out on the street and that's why she did not sign the divorce papers? Please clarify.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

I am disabled and am currently in the process of obtaining a lawyer for benefits. However as I have no income it would be impossible to live on my own or pay a divorce lawyer.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

My wife does not want me to leave. She continues to tell me that it is temporary although her sister has had calls regarding her resume. She never bothers to go for an interview.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

dtw4444 said:


> My wife does not want me to leave. She continues to tell me that it is temporary although her sister has had calls regarding her resume. She never bothers to go for an interview.


10 years isn't temporary. So, your wife is supporting everyone in the house? Do you have kids?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You will have to be patient a while longer, until you obtain benefits and can afford to leave. Or, if you wife has sufficient income, you can still divorce her unilaterally and she will have to pay spousal support. If that's enough for you to live on your own, then there is no reason not to file for divorce now, and ask for a support order so you can move out.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

no kids in the picture


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

I forgot to mention that I have a contagious disease that my wife does not like to mention. I am sure that the sister-in-law has no idea and she could become infected.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

dtw4444 said:


> I forgot to mention that I have a contagious disease that my wife does not like to mention. I am sure that the sister-in-law has no idea and she could become infected.


Well. . . . . . mentioning this disease to the SIL could get her out of the house.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

?


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

not likely. she has no income so nowhere to go.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

It is not life threatening or I would have said so before taking her in.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dtw4444 said:


> I forgot to mention that I have a contagious disease that my wife does not like to mention. I am sure that the sister-in-law has no idea and she could become infected.


It is wrong to not tell your SIL that you have a contagious disease that she could catch. That's is just morally wrong.

Tell her. It might just get her to leave.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dtw4444 said:


> It is not life threatening or I would have said so before taking her in.


It does not matter if it's not life threatening. It is clearly debilitating. She has to be told.

This is just wrong.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

I applied just after my injury. Was denied. I wasn't aware of appeal process. Lawyer's assistant informed me but I waited another year after worker's comp case. I appealed the second time and received benefits for two year period. I did not know I could apply again until a recent conversation with a friend. Sorry but you asked.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

First it's not whatever you are thinking and second it should be up to her sister to tell her since she and I do not talk to one another.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

So your disability isn't related to the disease?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dtw4444 said:


> First it's not whatever you are thinking and second it should be up to her sister to tell her since she and I do not talk to one another.


I disagree that it's up to your wife to tell her sister. You are the one who carries a contagious decease. It is your responsibility to protect others from your contagion. If you don’t talk to your SIL, write a letter explaining and leave it someplace for her, like on her bed where she is sure to see it.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

First she does not sleep on a bed but in a pile of her belongings. Second if you agree with her this much you should take her in. Hint it will take a big rig to deliver her belongings to you and you are welcome to her and them. So please continue to berate me as I am the the villain in this case.


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## dtw4444 (Apr 26, 2017)

No. It is due to an injury.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dtw4444 said:


> First she does not sleep on a bed but in a pile of her belongings. Second if you agree with her this much you should take her in. Hint it will take a big rig to deliver her belongings to you and you are welcome to her and them. So please continue to berate me as I am the the villain in this case.


So put the note on the pile of her things.

I'm not berating you. You came here asking for help. You are getting help. If you don't want to accept that help, then that's your choice. 

If you have some kind of contagious disease that she could catch, she needs to leave. Who knows, it might be just the kick in her behind that she needs to get her to move out.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

dtw4444 said:


> First she does not sleep on a bed but in a pile of her belongings. Second if you agree with her this much you should take her in. Hint it will take a big rig to deliver her belongings to you and you are welcome to her and them. So please continue to berate me as I am the the villain in this case.


No one is berating you. It's difficult to give you suggestions with so little understanding of your situation.

You do need to inform your SIL, immediately.
If you qualify for disability will you be able to afford your own places to live?
You're not working, your SIL isn't working, this means your wife is supporting everyone. This also means your wife might be required to give you spousal support. She, and you too, has a duty to support her spouse first and other family second. 
Your personal injury lawyer might be talked into helping you with your divorce if you ask him/her to renegotiate the fee or percentage. 

In terms of getting your SIL out of your home, keep in mind it is your home. If there is no lease or rental agreement she is your guest and as such she isn't entitled to space in your home. This means you could, though I don't think this would be wise, call in a company to Hall away and store all of her stuff. Then she could get it back once she has her own place to put it.

I've had my sister live with us for almost 10 years and it worked out fine for us. But she was always extremely grateful, helpful and in general a nurturing loving woman. She respected our privacy and pitched in with house work when she was able to. I'm very sorry it's not working out for you as well as it did for us. My husband was annoyed that my other siblings never offered to help us financially take care of her. But he never felt like she was a burden. He just resented that my siblings didn't offer.


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