# How Do You Prove You Have Changed??



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

How can you prove to people that you have changed when you have cheated and been dishonest about it and lied??, I know I have changed, but I just want to know if there is any way I can prove I have changedf and am not a Liar or cheater anymore, I lost the love of my life because I cheated on the internet. Losing him triggered me to start changing and I have been the changed me for 6months now but still, no one believes a word I say,, I really don't know what to do,, I love him so much.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

My husband could prove to me that he's changed by being transparent....no password protected accounts (email, bank and whatnots)....telling me exactly where he's going, when and how long he's going to be gone or even take me or the kids.....

He could prove it by spending most of his time with me and the kids.....

Are you still with him, just separated, have you been married, does he want to work on your relationship but having trust issues ???


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> How can you prove to people that you have changed when you have cheated and been dishonest about it and lied??, I know I have changed, but I just want to know if there is any way I can prove I have changedf and am not a Liar or cheater anymore, I lost the love of my life because I cheated on the internet. Losing him triggered me to start changing and I have been the changed me for 6months now but still, no one believes a word I say,, I really don't know what to do,, I love him so much.


Until the person you cheated on, is satisfied. The others will come around if they see that he is now OK with you.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

You know you have changed and time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife tells me very single day that there will NEVER be a repeat of her infidelities. She is open and forthright with what she did. She is transparent with where she goes and what she does. She has no more "girl's night out". She doesn't drink or take any pills or smoke pot. She writes me love letters often to tell me what I mean to her and how much she loves me. She tells me (and shows me) how much she loves me every day. I ask her where we stand almost every day.

Regarding what others think, these are your consequences! Like Dow said, prove yourself and others will see that you are worthy of trust. Time generally helps with that. My wife doesn't really care what others think. She's more concerned with how I feel about her. She has made me her number one priority.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Time...time...time.... lots of work and more time unfortunately. That's why I say it's often best not to know. Affairs are one of those things that stick with you. Not as bad as some others that label you for life, but bad enough that it takes a really long time. Then still behind closed doors "family" may talk.

Best of luck!!


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> My husband could prove to me that he's changed by being transparent....no password protected accounts (email, bank and whatnots)....telling me exactly where he's going, when and how long he's going to be gone or even take me or the kids.....
> 
> He could prove it by spending most of his time with me and the kids.....
> 
> Are you still with him, just separated, have you been married, does he want to work on your relationship but having trust issues ???


He left me. No not married but were engaged. He won't admit to wanting to get back with me because of what I did, but if I meet up with him, I can tell that the feelings are still there, and one time, he even admitted to still having feelings for me, but then the next day, he had realised that he admitted it and backed off and ignored me for a few days. I can tell that he still wants me and has feelings for me because if we meet up, he lets me hold his hand, only in his car though, and letss me cuddle up to him but doesn't let me do either when we're in public. I don't know what to do because some things he says makes it clear he still has feelings for me, but then he realises that he's gone all soft and ends up randomly having a go at me or something. He left me back in July. Do you think he could still be hurting??, I can't 'just give up and move on' because of how I feel about him.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

How much time has past since you cheated?

What are doing to demonstrate to him that you are remorseful and will never do it again?

The problem you have is to show for an extended period of time that yo are worthy of trust. And he is under no obligation to witness that process.

Put yourself in his shoes. You cheated on him while engaged to marry. This is a time period where presumably a couple is so focused on each other there is not room for another person.

So if you are willing to cheat during that period of time, he has to be wondering how you will do later, when that type of feeling calms down. Or when stresses hit your marriage. Children, jobs, etc.

Have you been honest with him about what you did?

How did he find out?

How specifically have you changed?

How old are the both of you?


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

michzz said:


> How much time has past since you cheated?
> 
> What are doing to demonstrate to him that you are remorseful and will never do it again?
> 
> ...


I last cheated 14th July.
I have no idea what to do to show him I won't do it again, but since he's left, I haven't done anything with any other guy and I have been completely honest to everyone about everything. I have been honest with him about what I did, but he won't believe me. He found out by finding the msn conversations saved on my laptop. I have changed because I'm totally honest and I can't even think of doing anything with another guy because even the thought of it makes me feel physically sick. And ages, you'll probably see this as a problem because everyone does and they say I'm too young, but I'm 19 and he's 30.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I last cheated 14th July.
> I have no idea what to do to show him I won't do it again, but since he's left, I haven't done anything with any other guy and I have been completely honest to everyone about everything. I have been honest with him about what I did, but he won't believe me. He found out by finding the msn conversations saved on my laptop. I have changed because I'm totally honest and I can't even think of doing anything with another guy because even the thought of it makes me feel physically sick. And ages, you'll probably see this as a problem because everyone does and they say I'm too young, but I'm 19 and he's 30.


So he did not find out from you directly, he discovered it. Bad sign. It would have happened again if the light of day was not shined on it.

I think he knows you and he are not ready for marriage. You are far too young for him and he is far too old for you.

Chalk this up to a learning experience and move forward.

Whatever it is that you told yourself made it ok to cheat may happen again unless you get a better handle on you and your motivations.

Deciding to not cheat should not just be about how people react to you knowing of it. There ought to be an internal understanding of why and why not to cheat not motivated by judgment by others.

If that doesn't make sense to you then you have no business getting married yet.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

michzz said:


> So he did not find out from you directly, he discovered it. Bad sign. It would have happened again if the light of day was not shined on it.
> 
> I think he knows you and he are not ready for marriage. You are far too young for him and he is far too old for you.
> 
> ...


It wouldn't of happened again, I was going to stop it. Age doesn't matter when you're in love dear. I can't 'move forward' because of how I feel about him. The thing that made me cheat in the first place was my exes before him, My first boyfriend cheated on me and left me, and I didn't do anything about it, which kinda made me think it was ok to cheat, then I got with a bloke after and I ended up cheatin on him loadz of tyms because I wasn't happy with him and he was a rebound and I only kept cheating because I wanted him to end it with me because I didn't want to be the one who ended it because I didn't have the balls, but then I met this man and fell for him quickly, so by then I knew I had to just bite the bullet and end it with my boyfriend at the time, I got with this new bloke on feb 10th 2010, he wasn't a rebound because I didn't need one because I was so unhappy in my previous relationship. I was with this bloke for 2 months and my ex came round with my stuff and kissed me, my boyfriend left me, then met up with me on the 14th April and we got back together, that night was the night he proposed. I was really happy. But the thing was, I was talking to a mate online, pretty dirty stuff was said, and he was doing stuff on webcam but I wasn't. And I told him about what me and my boyfriend did behind closed doors. My boyfriend knew there was something going on with the way I was acting but when he asked I used to say nothing was going on, because I didn't see it as anything. Reason for me not thinking anything of it was because of the many times I had cheated and spoken to this guy in this way when I was with my previous boyfriend, he had told me that it was ok for me to cheat and he kept taking me back after every time. When my boyfriend found out I had a virus on my laptop, he said that he would sort it out for me and get rid of the virus. I gave my laptop to him and that night, I recieved a text saying 'I think we need to talk.' I tried to think what he was on about, I asked him and he said think about it. So I did and I knew straight away that he had looked at the msn conversations that were saved on my laptop. And that night, he broke up with me through text. I ended up going into deep depression because of losing him, I stopped eating, drinking, I was self harming, I was in a right state and I couldn't stop crying. I managed to pick myself up out of it though. It's been about 6months since he left and I still have very strong feelings for him and I have just started crying every day again,, I don't know what to do, I love him so much, I really do. I know that I won't cheat again, quite a few guys have tried talking dirty to me on msn, and I ended up blocking them because I hate how I was and don't want to repeat it. And one of my good looking male friends keeps testing me to see if I will stick to my word and not cheat this time, and he talks dirty and gets told to ****** off and gets ignored for a while. So he is really helping me make sure I won't do it again, but like I said, even looking at other guys makes me feel sick, I only have eyes for this man now. I just don't know how to prove all this to him,, I miss him so much, being without him is killing me.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

First off, please, please break up your postings into much shorter paragraphs. Hard to read otherwise.

Second, You are nowhere near being ready to marry anyone whatsoever at this point in your life. This is not about age. It's about your lack of self awareness.

I'm not trying to bash you. Please do not misunderstand me.

You have a lot to learn and you have taken a good step in reaching out for opinions on this forum.

Your alternatives are far more than marrying a guy too old for you or having dirty MSN chats. Don't you see that?


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

michzz said:


> First off, please, please break up your postings into much shorter paragraphs. Hard to read otherwise.
> 
> Second, You are nowhere near being ready to marry anyone whatsoever at this point in your life. This is not about age. It's about your lack of self awareness.
> 
> ...


Too old for me??, as I have said before, age doesn't and shouldn't matter, I love him with all my heart. I don't have dirty chats on msn anymore, I stopped that when he left me, I have put all my time and effort into changing and I have finally done it. I don't lack self awareness anymore. And I know what is right and wrong now. I just want to know a way I can prove it to him,.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

michzz said:


> Second, You are nowhere near being ready to marry anyone whatsoever at this point in your life.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


Relax. You are young. Michzz is rignt.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

There is no proving to the other person that you're not a cheater anymore. The only way that happens is if they are willing to take you back and forgive you. No matter what you do, you can never do anything to prove that you'll never do it again.

For any relationship to work, the cheater has to really change but the key to making it work is the one who was cheated on. Are they willing to forgive enough and move past it or are they gonna let the pain and anger build up to a point that they'll blow eventually if they don't leave at the beginning.

It might be wise to just give him space at this point and leave him alone. If it works out great, if not you screwed up and hopefully will learn from this to not make the same mistake with the next guy.


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