# Custody Battles



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I have sole custody of my 14 yr daughter for several reasons:

- EX did not show up for any court motions. He did not have a lawyer and refused to get one. Never filed a parental plan, financial papers or attended parental classes.
- EX was having affair with a felon who had 4 DUIs and I fought the courts to not allow contact with my minor child.
- EX showed no interest in my daughter past the age of 7. 

While I was granted sole custody, I told EX time and time again that he could see child anytime he wanted WITHOUT the presence of women. This is a deal breaker for me since there have been so many mistresses in his life and morally I do not want my daughter around any women who would sleep with a married man. PERIOD. The caliber of females are usually very low class also.

In the beginning, I would make plans to go out so he could pick up child and bring to dinner to spend some time with her to catch up. I stopped doing this since neither him or child ever made plans with each other or call without me doing the leg work.

I gave him access to school portal website for him to follow her grades, school activities, after school events. He never bothered to sign on and would rather play victim saying I never tell him anything or worse blame my daughter. 

Over the holidays I signed onto portal and noticed my daughter had a failing grade in Spanish honors. Mostly for not turning in homework. I talked to her, grounded her, took away phone and ipad and having her doing extra credit now to bring up grade. She normally is an excellent student but was in a play in December and became lazy with school work. 

Yesterday I receive a phone call from EX wanting to know what is going on with grades (daughter called him to tell her about cruise she went on with his family without him) Another selfish story for another time) and was practically yelling at me telling me what to do and saying he would give her a piece of his mind. My reaction was simple, "Why the interest in her now"? 

He played victim and said I made it difficult for him to do anything with his kid. I said "Lie, you can see her anytime as long as it is alone without the female of the hour". He hung up and I am furious. I am tired of the battles and the manipulative victim role from this dead beat dad. Anyone else have this situation?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Well, not the same situation, but some similar parts.
I have joint legal custody, with sole physical custody of two DD. In our initial agreement we stated that visitation would be in my home town since he was moving out of state. Also infidelity on his part.

Like you I gave him full portal access to all school grades/functions. He never logged in, and like you, he claimed I never tell him what's going on with them. I reminded him twice that my services of de-briefing him on the lives of our children had terminated when he moved out. He could look into it himself. That ended that. Our kids are not young and he can easily talk to them, but doesn't.

His visitation is virtually non-existent. One day of visit in the year. He has no interest in obtaining custody, or communicating. Whatever. He threatened once to take me to court to have his child support decreased as being "grossly unreasonable" He agreed to have income imputed to him for purposes of determining child support (he quit his last job and wasn't working). Funny how the job he finally landed was for the exact amount we agreed to a year earlier. Anyway, since he sounds fairly similar to my ex, I'll say that he's blowing off steam from the phone call. Most likely DD told him about the grade and he's yelling at you.

This is where you can start to really grow from the divorce. You know you don't have to accept his bullying, but clearly he hasn't gotten the message. 
Tell him you will not tolerate that kind of talk from him any longer. It is disrespectful. Tell him you will not accept phone calls from him, only text or email. You can either contact him and tell him your new ground rules, or wait until he tries to yell at you again.
Just my thoughts.


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