# Contemplating what to do...



## Taurus63 (Nov 19, 2019)

Hello everyone, I am very new to this and I need some advice and possibly support. I will get into the details as we go but for now I will say that I am considerably older than my husband and we live with our 10 year old daughter (who is technically not my child, I am her stepmother but I have been in her life since she was born). A couple of hours ago my husband informed me that he cheated on me and now she's pregnant. He says that "it got to him that everyone around him is having babies and he wants a son" so even though it's wrong he did what he did. Years ago we had discussed and agreed to adopt but around four years ago he changed his mind and decided it would not be the same, he wanted one from his own "seed". I love children and would have loved to have one with him but that's not possible and he's known this since we first started dating. Anyway... A little more than a year ago we nearly split up because his ex wife told me that when he and she were going to court for their divorce (six years ago) on the day it was final they had sex with talk of wanting another child. Keep in mind they appear to "STRONGLY dislike" one another. I stayed with him because 1) he came clean and told me before I could say anything 2) he seemed sincere in his apologies 3) it had happened years ago and 4) I knew that since we got married he goes out of his way to avoid being alone anywhere she is when we're in town. All of that being said... I love him very much but trust is definitely broken and I don't think I can trust him going forward. I think about the times he all but accused me of entertaining other men or the attention from other men... I would say jealousy definitely reared its ugly head even to the point where he ran off a customer because he felt like the customer was trying to get my attention. I used to explain the difference between being friendly and doing my job versus being flirty... I eventually quit my job because I didn't want my husband to feel some kind of way. 
Sadly, I guess the joke's on me...
It is late where I live and morning comes faster than I'd like so I will stop here and I look forward to whatever advice or comments that come...


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## MaleGamer91 (Nov 18, 2019)

Taurus63 said:


> Hello everyone, I am very new to this and I need some advice and possibly support. I will get into the details as we go but for now I will say that I am considerably older than my husband and we live with our 10 year old daughter (who is technically not my child, I am her stepmother but I have been in her life since she was born). A couple of hours ago my husband informed me that he cheated on me and now she's pregnant. He says that "it got to him that everyone around him is having babies and he wants a son" so even though it's wrong he did what he did. Years ago we had discussed and agreed to adopt but around four years ago he changed his mind and decided it would not be the same, he wanted one from his own "seed". I love children and would have loved to have one with him but that's not possible and he's known this since we first started dating. Anyway... A little more than a year ago we nearly split up because his ex wife told me that when he and she were going to court for their divorce (six years ago) on the day it was final they had sex with talk of wanting another child. Keep in mind they appear to "STRONGLY dislike" one another. I stayed with him because 1) he came clean and told me before I could say anything 2) he seemed sincere in his apologies 3) it had happened years ago and 4) I knew that since we got married he goes out of his way to avoid being alone anywhere she is when we're in town. All of that being said... I love him very much but trust is definitely broken and I don't think I can trust him going forward. I think about the times he all but accused me of entertaining other men or the attention from other men... I would say jealousy definitely reared its ugly head even to the point where he ran off a customer because he felt like the customer was trying to get my attention. I used to explain the difference between being friendly and doing my job versus being flirty... I eventually quit my job because I didn't want my husband to feel some kind of way.
> Sadly, I guess the joke's on me...
> It is late where I live and morning comes faster than I'd like so I will stop here and I look forward to whatever advice or comments that come...[/QUOTE
> 
> I see we both need advice, I'm new as well


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I say it's time to move on. And it will only get worse with him indulging himself.


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## MaleGamer91 (Nov 18, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> I say it's time to move on. And it will only get worse with him indulging himself.


I don't know what to say, I'm having issues with my relatively just married wife


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## MaleGamer91 (Nov 18, 2019)

Sorry thought Tilted was OP

Sorry


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I am so very sorry--few things are so painful. There are ways to use his 'seed' and a donor egg and have children with you, but he chose to cheat and deliberately get OW pregnant--what if children they have are girls? This sounds like a deliberate exit affair with no consideration for your hurt.

He is liar, totally selfish and not worthy of your love or trust--a serial cheater. Find someone who loves you, not just himself.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Taurus63, SO very sorry that you are here for this reason.
First, realize that him cheating had NOTHING to do with you -- it is 100% on him. The fact that he cheated with the express idea to get her pregnant should tell you how deliberate and thought out this was -- it wasn't a "mistake" or a slip... If he has this capacity to compartmentalize, you really can't trust him.

Make sure that you take care of yourself (eat/exercise/sleep...), get to a few lawyers to understand the finances/child custody/etc., and get YOUR plan together. 
He isn't who you thought he was unfortunately, you need to realize that.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*He's little better than a self-serving backstabber who cannot be trusted! He obviously cares far more for his seed than he has ever cared for you!

I could not, in the least, blame you if you were to decide to pull up stakes and suddenly move on!*


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I am sorry, but this is not the guy for you. 

I understand that you love him, I get it. 

He is not, and I don't think he will ever be faithful to you. 

If fidelity is important to you, you need to leave the relationship...


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