# Is it normal to be the physically opposite of your SO?



## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Last year my 4 year old and I went to Florida on vacation. At the waterparks, I noticed that many, really sexy women, who obviously kept themselves in incredible shape, were with overweight (I'm talking bellybutton hanging to the bottom of their shorts fat) men. I also saw guys who were built like the hulk, with women who were very, very large. 

I understand that people will be attracted to different sizes, and that people sometimes gain/lose weight during a relationship. Obviously there are physical features which you cannot change (height, hair, eye color, and more) naturally. But fitness and diet are things that most people could do. 

Most of these people were in their late 20's, and very few couples were in the same physical condition. The women who had kids, (overall) were in much better shape than the women who didn't. The men who did not have kids with them were in much better shape than their partners. Is it normal to be the physically opposite of your SO?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Maybe they're only with them for their paychecks and not physical appearance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm, to me that points out that the couple is not doing healthy things together.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

I notice this a lot also. Always makes me wonder.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

keko said:


> Maybe they're only with them for their paychecks and not physical appearance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not every one of the SO's could be rich, or sex gods. It was just a shock to see such opposites. Here in Georgia, most people are overweight, so you typically see the same body types together at the beach or waterparks. But in the touristy areas of Florida, these people are from all over; so I was wondering if this was normal outside of my area. I lived overseas for 7+ years, so even coming back to the US was kind of a shock.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H and I are both pretty slim and we have 3 kids. 
He still has a little of baby weight left over due to his ice cream cravings


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I watched a documentary on sex appeal over a year ago now.....and before they entered $$ into the mix...men & women will generally gravitate to those who are similar to themselves in attractiveness.... but funny, how some of those guys who they glossed over...on the lower end of the pole....if the women suddenly learned their bank account was 6 figures, suddenly they were interested-raising the bar...... so money /social status... boosts attraction....makes up for what may be missing physically. At least for the ladies.... I don't recall them covering this from the guys point of view. 

Me personally, I don't think that would phase me too much, I look for other traits that I care far more about over "social status" in a man.....but I do care that he is "slim", so I can wrap my arms completely around him and grab his butt.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

There is also one other factor that hasn't been figured in here: weight loss surgery. Sometimes, couples marry when BOTH are overweight/obese. One gets surgery, loses a lot of weight, gets the excess skin removed, and has a sexy body... while the other spouse is either JUST in the beginning stages of getting it done himself/herself, or is going a different route. 

However, my sister is overweight and has almost always been with a slim man... including her stbxh


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Maricha75 said:


> There is also one other factor that hasn't been figured in here: weight loss surgery. Sometimes, couples marry when BOTH are overweight/obese. One gets surgery, loses a lot of weight, gets the excess skin removed, and has a sexy body... while the other spouse is either JUST in the beginning stages of getting it done himself/herself, or is going a different route.
> 
> However, my sister is overweight and has almost always been with a slim man... including her stbxh


I've seen both of these situations happen with friends. One of our guy friends prefers heavier women.... always has and he has always been thin, he has complained about how he is not attracted to models a # of times in our presence. 

Met up with an old guy friend from High school in our social circles... whose wife had the surgery in her early 40's, totally changed her.....she started to get male attention suddenly for the 1st time in her life... she succommed to it, and left her husband....though he wasn't overweight so it was other issues in the marriage. He believes had she not had the surgery , they would still be together. She was heavier than him their entire marriage.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

simplyamorous said:


> i've seen both of these situations happen with friends. One of our guy friends prefers heavier women.... Always has and he has always been thin, he has complained about how he is not attracted to models a # of times in our presence.
> 
> Met up with an old guy friend from high school in our social circles... Whose wife had the surgery in her early 40's, totally changed her.....she started to get male attention suddenly for the 1st time in her life... She succommed to it, and left her husband....though he wasn't overweight so it was other issues in the marriage. He believes had she not had the surgery , they would still be together. She was heavier than him their entire marriage.


ouch.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Love shouldn't be based upon appearances, but rather on how one treats another. Also, having similar interests in common are nice, yet opposites do attract.

I'm not one to judge, but I've always been taught never judge a book by its cover.

My husband and I are one in the same. Our interests and outlook on life are so much alike it's frightening. Maybe that's why we get along so well.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Love shouldn't be based upon appearances, but rather on how one treats another. Also, having similar interests in common are nice, yet opposites do attract.
> 
> I'm not one to judge, but I've always been taught never judge a book by its cover.
> 
> My husband and I are one in the same. Our interests and outlook on life are so much alike it's frightening. Maybe that's why we get along so well.


I understand your point, but physical attraction does play a role in relationships. it isn't all about how someone treats u, with the initial attraction. and I can't fault someone for wanting the SO 2 take care of their appearance
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

This is my point of view... my spouse could gain weight, become disabled, be unable to perform, have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life but I will STILL be with him and I will STILL love him. Why? because I chose him for his mind, his personality, and his heart.. not his body or sex drive. So appearance really doesn't mean anything to me. Funny thing is... he's not as tall, or as muscular as my ex's before him were but he sure as hell has alot more nerve and courage then those muscle heads did.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Vanton68 said:


> I understand your point, but physical attraction does play a role in relationships. it isn't all about how someone treats u, with the initial attraction. and I can't fault someone for wanting the SO 2 take care of their appearance
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


However, you have to realize that some are actually attracted to people whose bodies don't "match" theirs. It's all about what makes them happy. And if a model is happy with a geek, who cares? Doesn't concern me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> This is my point of view... my spouse could gain weight, become disabled, be unable to perform, have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life but I will STILL be with him and I will STILL love him. Why? because I chose him for his mind, his personality, and his heart.. not his body or sex drive. So appearance really doesn't mean anything to me. Funny thing is... he's not as tall, or as muscular as my ex's before him were but he sure as hell has alot more nerve and courage then those muscle heads did.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> However, you have to realize that some are actually attracted to people whose bodies don't "match" theirs. It's all about what makes them happy. And if a model is happy with a geek, who cares? Doesn't concern me.


Yeah, I stated that people have their 'types' in my original post. My whole point was about how odd it was to see so few couples physically match in Florida, which should be a snapshot of the US in the tourist areas. My gym buddies usually have fit, girlfriends/wives. And when I go to the beach I usually see the large with large (in Georgia), when I lived in Europe I would see fit men with fit women. I was curious as to whether this was normal. 

To add: I get hit on by very large women, a couple of times a week. I am always nice to them (as a guy I understand rejection better than most women ever will). But I wonder why they would think that someone who obviously takes extreme care of themselves would be going after someone who probably outweighs them by 100+lbs. Just the dietary standards would make actual dates harder to go on.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Gaia said:


> This is my point of view... my spouse could gain weight, become disabled, be unable to perform, have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life but I will STILL be with him and I will STILL love him. Why? because I chose him for his mind, his personality, and his heart.. not his body or sex drive. So appearance really doesn't mean anything to me. Funny thing is... he's not as tall, or as muscular as my ex's before him were but he sure as hell has alot more nerve and courage then those muscle heads did.


That is a great POV to have. However I think the majority of people would probably be worried and offended if their spouse gained so much weight as to be disabled and unable to have sex (without a underlying medical condition). But that's just my POV.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Have you considered that it's not about physical appearance for those people? Dietary standards doesn't make it harder for dates to go on imo.. just more interesting. Those people could be with each other for the same reason i am with my own man. Their mind, personality, and heart. Thats what should be really important imo.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Vanton68 said:


> That is a great POV to have. However I think the majority of people would probably be worried and offended if their spouse gained so much weight as to be disabled and unable to have sex (without a underlying medical condition). But that's just my POV.


If their spouse did gain that weight .. then it is probably due to a mental issue and the other fit one should help them through if they have the strength too. I know I would for my spouse. Hell I gained alot of weight(due to having kids) since i first met my spouse and even though I have an issue with it.. he does not. He has shown me he loves me for more then just my body... and he's even seen me at my worst.. (in the delivery room ) and that hasn't sent him running.. .


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Have you considered that it's not about physical appearance for those people? Dietary standards doesn't make it harder for dates to go on imo.. just more interesting. Those people could be with each other for the same reason i am with my own man. *Their mind, personality, and heart. Thats what should be really important imo*.


Yes, but initially (unless you were friends before) you can't just walk up to someone on the street and be attracted to their heart. So many of these larger girls have talked to me about their disdain of ethnic foods (like Thai, Greek, Japanese), but that could be a geographic thing which I had not considered.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

To me... if you choose to be with someone for life.. then there will be alot of work involved that each has to go through in order to maintain a steady and healthy relationship with one another. Each spouse is going to go through a good phase and a bad phase.. but when you stick with that person you chose for life through it all.. it just makes the bond that much stronger imo.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Vanton68 said:


> Yes, but initially (unless you were friends before) you can't just walk up to someone on the street and be attracted to their heart. So many of these larger girls have talked to me about their disdain of ethnic foods (like Thai, Greek, Japanese), but that could be a geographic thing which I had not considered.


lol that is true.. and yeah.. people have different tastes due to how they grew up.. but i thought you were referring to couples that were already together... not ones that just met like that day....?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Gaia said:


> This is my point of view... my spouse could gain weight, become disabled, be unable to perform, have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life but I will STILL be with him and I will STILL love him. Why? because I chose him for his mind, his personality, and his heart.. not his body or sex drive. So appearance really doesn't mean anything to me. Funny thing is... he's not as tall, or as muscular as my ex's before him were but he sure as hell has alot more nerve and courage then those muscle heads did.


This is how my husband feels! I became disabled and he stands by my side every step of the way. Luckily I can walk short distances, but that is it. I must take many breaks in between my daily routine. I'm also housebound.

My husband didn't sign up for me to break my neck either. For better or for worse, he takes his vows seriously.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Gaia said:


> If their spouse did gain that weight .. then it is probably due to a mental issue and the other fit one should help them through if they have the strength too.


I completely agree, but at what point if the spouse didn't care to change (and was only becoming more unhealthy) would that be an issue?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I notice this all the time too - gorgeous women with pot bellied men. Now those pot bellied men are usually wearing nice clothes, or are bikers. But it has me wondering which muscles I should be working on, my pecs vs my beer drinking muscles. Or maybe just my wallet opening muscles a little more often?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This is how my husband feels! I became disabled and he stands by my side every step of the way. Luckily I can walk short distances, but that is it. I must take many breaks in between my daily routine. I'm also housebound.


You have a completely legitimate, physical reason. Plus I remember you saying that you eat a low calorie diet (1200?). I only wish you and your husband the best!!! I think that someone who walks away from a disabled spouse is pretty low, HOWEVER.... like one of the posts I responded to earlier...If the spouse eats their way to disability, with no underlying medical condition, then IMO that changes a lot of things.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Lon said:


> I notice this all the time too - gorgeous women with pot bellied men. Now those pot bellied men are usually wearing nice clothes, or are bikers. But it has me wondering which muscles I should be working on, my pecs vs my beer drinking muscles. Or maybe just my wallet opening muscles a little more often?


My wallet opening muscles, would just waste away due to my low income NOW, but a year from now, I should be doing very well. Maybe I'll start a wallet workout then


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Vanton68 said:


> I completely agree, but at what point if the spouse didn't care to change (and was only becoming more unhealthy) would that be an issue?


Well this is where i would try to figure out WHY spouse didn't want to change. Perhaps undergo counseling, ect to see if it's depression or something like that. I wouldn't walk away just because they were over weight. Now I know not everyone would have the strength for this but if it were me and my spouse refused to take care of themselves then I would take care of him myself.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lon said:


> I notice this all the time too - gorgeous women with pot bellied men. Now those pot bellied men are usually wearing nice clothes, or are bikers. But it has me wondering which muscles I should be working on, my pecs vs my beer drinking muscles. Or maybe just my wallet opening muscles a little more often?


Sadly this could also be a reason... since it seems gold diggers are on the rise... :/


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Vanton68 said:


> You have a completely legitimate, physical reason. Plus I remember you saying that you eat a low calorie diet (1200?). I only wish you and your husband the best!!! I think that someone who walks away from a disabled spouse is pretty low, HOWEVER.... like one of the posts I responded to earlier...If the spouse eats their way to disability, with no underlying medical condition, then IMO that changes a lot of things.


Yes, but I use to be a runner and a triathlete. Sometimes I'll eat 900 calories, but I think if you eat too little your body goes into a starvation mode and stores the food in the wrong places. It kills me that my body is no longer toned as it once was.

The best I can do now is bike on a stationary bike for a limited time. I don't do this for my husband. I do this for myself. I also take pride in keeping my hair looking nice. I have ever since I can remember.

Right now my goal is to raise my children to be successful in life and fulfill my husband's needs. My husband is a wonderful man and would do anything for me. We have a fabulous marriage. My husband is a superb triathlete, races in triathlons, ironmans and marathons. He always is in shape. We also strive to eat healthy as well, but this is just how we are.

I do not judge others by appearance. Actually, I try my best not to judge others at all.

It's not uncommon for a spouse to leave once their mate becomes disabled. My doctor is surprised how well my husband accepts my neck injury.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Yes, but I use to be a runner and a triathlete. Sometimes I'll eat 900 calories, but I think if you eat too little your body goes into a starvation mode and stores the food in the wrong places. It kills me that my body is no longer toned as it once was.
> 
> The best I can do now is bike on a stationary bike for a limited time. I don't do this for my husband. I do this for myself. I also take pride in keeping my hair looking nice. I have ever since I can remember.
> 
> ...


I've seen that scenario play out with a few wounded warriors. That is sad. 

You put more effort into your rehab, than most people put into their health. I'm sure you are an inspiration to everyone that knows you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Well this is where i would try to figure out WHY spouse didn't want to change. Perhaps undergo counseling, ect to see if it's depression or something like that. I wouldn't walk away just because they were over weight. Now I know not everyone would have the strength for this but if it were me and my spouse refused to take care of themselves then I would take care of him myself.


Exactly. Ok, I have posted part of this in another thread, and I think I may have alluded to it here. I had gastric bypass surgery almost 8 years ago. My husband isn't a small man, but he was around 220-225 when we met. He was healthy, strong, etc. When we met, I was roughly 315. I gained weight after a car accident and during/after my first pregnancy. Long story short on this, I got to a whopping 467 pounds when I went under the knife. I had tried diets, pills (OTC and doctor prescribed) and nothing worked. Weight loss surgery was my last resort.

I had surgery. I got down to about 290 when I became pregnant with our second child in 2006. I had some woman, who I considered a friend, tell me "Wow, you're gonna be a fat cow for the rest of your life!" Nice, huh? After I had the baby, I lost more weight, down to 260. And got pregnant again! Around the time my child was a year old. 

After the third child was born, I started gaining weight again. By this time, my husband had been diagnosed with depression, put on meds, and he was gaining weight as well. Over the last four years, my husband has had a few diagnoses and put on several medications for these diagnoses. And, some of those meds have caused him to gain weight. He is now pushing 300. And I won't leave him. If, after all is said and done, he is recommended for surgery (once all other options have been exhausted), I will stand behind him completely. 

I guess you could say we both have underlying medical causes for our weight gain. Still, we gained weight, making us unattractive by society's standards. What matters is how we feel about EACH OTHER. And even if I DID get down to 130, and he to 160... It wouldn't change a thing about how I feel about him and vice versa. And, if we do all the things we should and one gains but the other loses... doesn't matter. We love each other, that's what matters.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

If there's one thing I'm sure about is that usually I'm not attracted to someone who is _totally the opposite_ of me [physically-wise]. I don't prefer someone who is extremely overweight [obese] or extremely underweight. 
I'm an average/athletic body type so I'd never be attracted to a slim/fat guy.
So I'll go ahead and accept the fact that physical appearance is important to me, BUT NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
I don't think I can have sex with someone I'm not physically attracted to.
[Sex/relationship is not all about physical attraction, I know. But If there's no physical attraction in the first place then chances to have sex with that person are l_ess_.] 

So, yes. I kind of wonder how some couples of a totally opposite physical appearance are attracted to each other. 
Sorry for my blatant honesty.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> If there's one thing I'm sure about is that usually I'm not attracted to someone who is _totally the opposite_ of me [physically-wise]. I don't prefer someone who is extremely overweight [obese] or extremely underweight.
> I'm an average/athletic body type so I'd never be attracted to a slim/fat guy.
> So I'll go ahead and accept the fact that physical appearance is important to me, BUT NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
> I don't think I can have sex with someone I'm not physically attracted to.
> ...


There are a variety of reasons for this.
1. One has low self esteem and feels he or she can't do any better.
2. One is is abusive, be it physical, mental, or emotional... and the other just takes it because he or she is just "so in love".
3. Tying in with number 1, one could be afraid of a "hot" spouse leaving (even tho they are "hot" as well) so they pick someone who is less likely to leave.
4. They got to know they spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner as a friend first, and saw the beauty within.

My "type" was tall, think guys when I was younger. My husband was never that. But I got to know him first. And knew he was "the one"


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> If there's one thing I'm sure about is that usually I'm not attracted to someone who is _totally the opposite_ of me [physically-wise]. I don't prefer someone who is extremely overweight [obese] or extremely underweight.
> I'm an average/athletic body type so I'd never be attracted to a slim/fat guy.
> So I'll go ahead and accept the fact that physical appearance is important to me, BUT NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
> I don't think I can have sex with someone I'm not physically attracted to.
> ...


My husband is 6'3" and 140 pounds. I was 5'10" and 117 pounds when we married. We were both underweight. Ehmmmm...., I weigh much more now and my hubby stays the same after 12 years. Him being so thin keeps me motivated to stay as thin as possible. My age is working against me as I'm nearing 40.

It took me a while to get use to his thinness. He is very self conscious about being so thin.. He's a triathlete, so it makes sense to why his metabolism is so high. 

I think he's the sexiest man on this planet! He's kind, thoughtful, respectful, a wonderful father and we both adore each other. He puts my needs before his own always. My husband is also extremely intelligent as well. He has accomplished many goals he set out to do. I could not imagine being with anyone, but him for the rest of my life. His thinness doesn't bother me, but it does help me from gaining weight myself. I love food and I have a slow metabolism. I've had to make many adjustments since I had to quit running just to maintain the weight I'm at now.

I'm pretty self conscious now that I quit running. I'm no longer toned and thin like I once was. Plus I lost 2 inches of height from my neck injury. I use to be very athletic during my triathlon and long distance running days. I sure miss it.

My husband has no expectations of me. I think this really helps me deal with my disability and endless neck pain much easier. Life is so relaxed here. I'm pretty self motivated and I'm blessed to have my husband in my life.

Both my husband and I are very attracted to one another physically and mentally. Even with the changes these past few years.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sorry the attraction would have went up in smoke if the husband goes from something similar to this :










to this: 










Me & mine have both talked about this... he has as much told me, if I gain too much, he won't be able to "get it up", he is already a lower test man... and well, since SEX is pretty damn important to me... I need to keep my body weight to what turns him on. Neither one of us have a problem with how the other feels, we both feel physical attraction is very very important. We can't stop the aging factor, but we can have some control on the other. Life is full of choices. 

To be honest, when I met my boyfriend, it was even more of his looks, than his overall personality (he was very shy, not exactly Mr Confident)-- that was the allure for me. He didn't have money, he wasn't popular, he was just a nice guy, but I thought he was cute & he had the slim body type that I like!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> 4. They got to know they spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner as a friend first, and saw the beauty within.


I agree with this. I was having dinner with a friend of my boyfriend (the one whose guardian/sister moved him to another state after his brain hemorrhage) and we were talking about dating and relationships. I remarked to him that now I'd got to know him better I would consider dating him, but that if I hadn't got to know him I would have thought he wasn't my type. There are a lot of barriers...he is somewhat overweight, his house from all reports seems to be a mess, he has debt he feels he will never be able to pay off, he says he is a mess, his sleep/work schedule is very erratic, and his social life except for me is zilch. Yet, when I spend time with him he seems to change altogether from his self-reported issues. Personally I think somewhere along the line he gave up on a lot of things, and it will take time for him to find his way back, but that he is in the process. Being his friend is very rewarding in a number of ways. He is not a down-and-out person. 

I never feel uncomfortable with being with him in public (which is the only place we ever meet) or dining together in a restaurant setting. We are very much physical opposites. I sometimes wonder how we appear to others, in terms of our relationship, which is friends, but people might assume differently because we get along well.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> men & women will generally gravitate to those who are similar to themselves in attractiveness....


I've commented to hubby before that if couples are similar to one another in regards to physical attractiveness, then based on him, I must be _really_ good looking!  

^ I'm saying he's good looking, in case the meaning didn't come across in type lol.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Vanton68 said:


> I understand your point, but physical attraction does play a role in relationships. it isn't all about how someone treats u, with the initial attraction. and I can't fault someone for wanting the SO 2 take care of their appearance
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My H and I were initially attracted through our voices. We were attracted to each others personalities and voices before we knew what each other looked like. We met and he didn't run the other way  ...we just loved being around each other. 

We all know how perception of physical attractiveness increases or decreases as we get to know someone. But I do think sexual attraction (not love), can decline when one is willing and able to take pride in their appearance/stay in shape but for whatever reason chooses not to - and particularly if it's an emerging new behavior in the relationship.

I haven't noticed "mis-matched" couples. I guess I don't really consider that when I'm people-watching. Now that you have me thinking though, my friend was laughing with me recently how her guy was so tiny compared to her. She is average size/slightly big (but works out and is physically fit) and her guy is extremely thin and toned. She was giggling when telling me how tiny he is compared to her. They have commonalities and there's obviously chemistry between them. I don't think either of them are typically each others physical "type", they dig each other on various levels and it works. 

The city where we live, people are fairly health-conscious and there's a lot of outdoor activity and fitness, so it's commonplace to see active couples out together. Hadn't really noticed otherwise.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry the attraction would have went up in smoke if the husband goes from something similar to this :
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Love the pics! Great visuals that helped make your point :smthumbup:


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