# An update on my life falling apart



## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Well, just when I thought that my WW had cut contact with the OM, I see had a call from him. She was supposed to be at the gym, and being an emotional, obsessed man, I decided to see where the jerk lived. I arrive there, and her car's parked at his house. Finally had enough. I pound on the door, yell in the window, call her cell...totally ignored. So, complete 180, leave her a message that she needs to come home asap and pack, because I'm filing for divorce. No more games. She still refuses to stop all contact with the OM. I guess I know where I stand now...empty and alone...


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Good move. I'm surprised they didn't call the cops and have you arrested. 

Be careful. 

So either they were there and ignoring you or she parked there and went with him. Either way it doesn't matter. 

Pack her stuff and leave at the door. Change locks and file.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Power. File divorce. She has no respect for your marriage.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Sorry you are having to go through all of that. Yes, it is time to move on though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and please do not go back there and do the same thing. They could have you arrested.


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## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Powerbane said:


> Good move. I'm surprised they didn't call the cops and have you arrested.
> 
> Be careful.
> 
> ...


They were there, just ignoring me...or as she put it, they didn't hear me yelling (through an open window), and there's construction, so they thought the banging was that. And the cops couldn't have done much...made me leave maybe, but I was actually quite calm...no profanity or anger...I was numb.


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## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and please do not go back there and do the same thing. They could have you arrested.


No worries...not ever going back. And, there's not much the police could do besides make me leave...I was very calm and in control...no profanity or threats...was just knocking on the door and yelling in the window to come down and talk. But anyways, I simply do not care enough anymore to deal with this situation...it's time to start taking care of myself now.


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## DG3 (Jul 13, 2011)

That makes me sad. I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. You are on the right track.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ember said:


> They were there, just ignoring me...or as she put it, they didn't hear me yelling (through an open window.


My bet is they were hiding from you like cowards. 



Ember said:


> And, there's not much the police could do besides make me leave...


They *could have* made you leave. But they also could have arrested you based on whatever story your wife and OM told them. You never know. 

Protect yourself.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My bet is they were hiding from you like cowards.


:iagree:


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## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

DG3 said:


> That makes me sad. I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. You are on the right track.


Thank you. As much as this pain is killing me, I agree with you,


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## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My bet is they were hiding from you like cowards.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes, I'm sure they were...no one can be that deaf.
I'm protecting myself now...I'm finished with her and this whole situation. Just taking care of myself now.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

It's a suck situation for sure. But look on the brightside, she made the decision for you. You will never have to think thoughts of "should I have left when I first found out" or "will she ever cheat on me again" or "will I regret this decision to reconcile" or "am I wasting my time and effort on this" or......you get the idea.

Yup, reconciling and after 14 months and I still have these thoughts everyday.

Good luck man. Your have no where to go but 'up' from here on out.


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## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Twistedheart said:


> It's a suck situation for sure. But look on the brightside, she made the decision for you. You will never have to think thoughts of "should I have left when I first found out" or "will she ever cheat on me again" or "will I regret this decision to reconcile" or "am I wasting my time and effort on this" or......you get the idea.
> 
> Yup, reconciling and after 14 months and I still have these thoughts everyday.
> 
> Good luck man. Your have no where to go but 'up' from here on out.


Thank you...I hadn't thought of that!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Twisted is spot on--she decided for you. Good riddance!


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Whatever you do, don't back down from moving towards the D now.

She might try to stop you or make promises again but it will be all lies. Time to turn that hurt to anger and let it drive you towards the D. 

She hasn't giving you any choice, she crossed the line and you have to do whats right for you. She'll regret what she has done later as the more you detach from her the more she will miss you until the tables completely turn in your favor.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She has no respect for you, mge., family

You need to immediately---go to bank, and put all monies, in one acct., with your name only on the acct.---Cancel all her/joint CC's

Tell her she is responsible for her half of all bills, including mtg.--insurance, car---etc---give her a dose of REALITY


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

I don't think it's healthy for you to believe that "she has made the decision for you," instead that she has violated your boundaries and YOU have made the choice to file for divorce and not live in an open marriage. Maybe the distinction isn't that important, but I think the idea that you are in control of your choices is empowering. FILE (btw, filing isn't the same as being divorced but it's the wake-up call your cheating wife needs to see and feel) and protect yourself. 

Hang in there. This too shall pass. And don't run from the pain; embrace it and learn from it. You CAN handle this.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Twistedheart said:


> It's a suck situation for sure. But look on the brightside, she made the decision for you. You will never have to think thoughts of "should I have left when I first found out" or "will she ever cheat on me again" or "will I regret this decision to reconcile" or "am I wasting my time and effort on this" or......you get the idea.
> 
> Yup, reconciling and after 14 months and I still have these thoughts everyday.
> 
> Good luck man. Your have no where to go but 'up' from here on out.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::smthumbup:
I with you. As much as it hurts and boy does it I'm happy to know that I did all I can do and to look back and think should of, could of, would of is now not a option. She choose. Now try to take care of you. Good luck.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

ArmyofJuan said:


> Whatever you do, don't back down from moving towards the D now.
> 
> She might try to stop you or make promises again but it will be all lies. Time to turn that hurt to anger and let it drive you towards the D.
> 
> She hasn't giving you any choice, she crossed the line and you have to do whats right for you. She'll regret what she has done later as the more you detach from her the more she will miss you until the tables completely turn in your favor.


Your right about that ArmyofJuan. My sisters STBXH is calling her like crazy now that she has moved on. Her living situation was becoming violent so she left (which her lawyer said she should not have). They sold one house and he lives in the other but she got a new house PAID FOR before he defaults on the other and mess up her credit. He calls and calls. 
Your wife will regret it!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The only time a wayward ever wants back in (if they ever do) is when the left behind spouse sticks to their guns and says "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" and sets a hard boundary, i.e. filing for separation/divorce if the affair doesn't stop or if wayward is being wishy-washy.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The only time a wayward ever wants back in (if they ever do) is when the left behind spouse sticks to their guns and says "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" and sets a hard boundary, i.e. filing for separation/divorce if the affair doesn't stop or if wayward is being wishy-washy.


Thats my H Jelly. Wishy washy but thats him period. H goes back and fourth before he makes his mind up. It use to drive me nuts but now I tell him when he figures out his finally answer then let me know and well take it from there. On this note however thats not and option.

Look ahead now and do whats best for you. I really wish none of us founded ourselves in these situations that others have thrust upon us but the fact is we have and this place, this forum, this community of ppl here at TAM have done more to help me than they know as I am sure they have for you. Keep pushing. Bless


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

So Ember, did she come home and pack? How did that go?

Stick to your guns man, you are better off letting her go and face the consequences of her actions.

Q~


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