# Marriage and an affair



## S_krtt

Iv been marriage for 2 years witht he person for 8 and recently began having an affair. And I think I have falling inlove with the person. In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of. My marriage has had problems all alone. How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


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## ccpowerslave

S_krtt said:


> In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of.


What do you want to do for him and what does it have to do with his mom dying?


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## S_krtt

Emotional support. Time. He is having a hard time dealing with me being married ontop of this grief he is suffering


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## Sfort

Divorce your husband so you can be with your AP without being dishonest. You're not doing your husband any favors.


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## farsidejunky

S_krtt said:


> Emotional support. Time. He is having a hard time dealing with me being married ontop of this grief he is suffering


Can you blame him?

His relationship with you is an illusion, and deep down, he likely knows it.

You want advice?

Stop the affair. Confess to your husband. Then decide if you will stay in the marriage.

And if not, leave your current marriage before you decide to start a new relationship.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## rugswept

Get out of the M, now. Your H is an incredible victim and it's time for you to go. 
Everyone will be much better off. Make sure he knows you're a lying cheating louse before the D is filed. 

Good luck with new Beau. Just wait until you try to get serious with "beau", then you'll see.


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## SunCMars

farsidejunky said:


> Stop the affair. Confess to your husband. Then decide *if you will stay* in the marriage.
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


The husband will be _the _big deciding factor in whether the marriage is survivable.
She (OP) will need to take a back seat.


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## Tested_by_stress

S_krtt said:


> Emotional support. Time. He is having a hard time dealing with me being married ontop of this grief he is suffering


Well now, a guy having an affair with a married woman is having a hard time. Cry me a river ffs! Any empathy for your husband?


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## Marc878

Your marriage is already over.


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## Mr.Married

I have a really hard time with empathy.... in a case like yours .... REALLY hard.


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## Jamieboy

I think the fact that you don't know would indicate you're you're not sure what your AP wants. Could be he was happy with the arrangement. It doesn't sound like the 2 of you are in love. If you love him though, do your husband a solid and leave. It really isn't fair on him


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## SunCMars

Mr.Married said:


> I have a really hard time with empathy.... in case like yours .... REALLY hard.


I have a deep understanding of why people do hurtful things.
Such, that I can get past, not forgive.

Understanding, _rarely _deodorizes that smelly turd.


_Harken O'Ryan- _an erstwhile_ HeadMate._


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## TXTrini

S_krtt said:


> Iv been marriage for 2 years witht he person for 8 and recently began having an affair. And I think I have falling inlove with the person. In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of. My marriage has had problems all alone. How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


You're cheating already, just leave! You're not marriage material.

At least confess to your husband so he can decide if he wants to waste his life on you.


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## OddOne

If your marriage had problems all along, then, presumably, before you were married there were problems? Yes? Did one or both of you think that marriage would fix those problems? Was there much discussion about whether marriage makes sense given those issues, whatever they are? Was there pressure to get married? Putting aside the cheating, why did you and your BH get married in the first place? And, should you divorce him, what makes you think your relationship with your AP would be any more successful than your more than likely doomed current marriage?


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## Captain Obvious

Poor OM, his mom passed away, and the MARRIED woman he decided to have an affair and be his emotional crutch is umm, MARRIED. End your own marriage so your husband can find somebody that will love and care for him, and ditch poor emotionally scarred OM.


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## Harold Demure

Anyone can fall in love with someone else, it happens. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with this and you have most definitely gone down the wrong path.

I recommend you reset yourself, start again by putting the affair on hold and decide what you want. Once you have done this, stick to it and don’t go back to an affair.

If you decide on the other man, tell your husband but do it kindly and in a way that leaves him with his dignity. Also, do not punish him financially, he does not deserve to be a double loser.

If you decide to stay with your husband then you have a decision to make as to whether you tell him. I am not going to tell you what to do, only you can make that decision and recognise you have to live with the consequences.

As you can see from earlier posts, you won’t get any sympathy on here if you don’t put this right.


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## sokillme

S_krtt said:


> Iv been marriage for 2 years witht he person for 8 and recently began having an affair. And I think I have falling inlove with the person. In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of. My marriage has had problems all alone. How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


Stop abusing your husband and divorce. What is the point of your marriage anyway? What you are doing to your husband is cruel.


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## ShatteredKat

*Emotional support. Time. He is having a hard time dealing with me being married ontop of this grief he is suffering *

For real? What is your spouse doing and what is your opinion or attitude towards him? Just a room-mate? 

Married 2 years and already a cheater? Just divorce and follow your dream.


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## MJJEAN

S_krtt said:


> How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


You're in an affair and think you're in love. The time to leave was before that happened. Now is good, too.


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## marko polo

S_krtt said:


> Iv been marriage for 2 years witht he person for 8 and recently began having an affair. And I think I have falling inlove with the person. In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of. My marriage has had problems all alone. How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


You don't love your husband. You don't love the other man. You love the chase.

Leave or stay you will loose either way. Once the excitement wears off with the other man you betray him as easily as you did your husband. If you stay with your husband you will not stay faithful. You will find another affair partner when you get bored or frustrated.

Perhaps you should find a therapist. Try to resolve whatever is driving your poor decision making.


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## David60525

S_krtt said:


> Iv been marriage for 2 years witht he person for 8 and recently began having an affair. And I think I have falling inlove with the person. In the last month the persons mom has died an now I expect that I should do more for him. Which I'm incapable of. My marriage has had problems all alone. How do I know if to leave or if to stay?


There is a book too good to leave too bad to stay. Stop cheating turn to husband and lord.
Also read hold me tight and all stuff by gottman. Leaving and cheating will not fulfill ypu. You


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