# Sexless Marriage - Do you sleep on the same bed?



## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

I have been married for 15 years and in a near sexless marriage throughout (sex occurs very infrequently and husband has been tested to have very very low T). It is now completely sexless since I decided to quit on working on our sex life altogether. I know that nothing can ever change him as he is just asexual.

My husband and I have been sleeping in the same king sized bed all this time. I have been sleeping badly. As you can imagine, going to bed with him beside me makes me feel resentful every night. I toss and turn and am unable to sleep.

So my question to those in sexless or near sexless marriage - do you sleep on the same bed? How do you cope with the daily reminder and frustration? Do you sleep well?


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> I have been married for 15 years and in a near sexless marriage throughout (sex occurs very infrequently and husband has been tested to have very very low T). It is now completely sexless since I decided to quit on working on our sex life altogether. I know that nothing can ever change him as he is just asexual.
> 
> My husband and I have been sleeping in the same king sized bed all this time. I have been sleeping badly. As you can imagine, going to bed with him beside me makes me feel resentful every night. I toss and turn and am unable to sleep.
> 
> So my question to those in sexless or near sexless marriage - do you sleep on the same bed? How do you cope with the daily reminder and frustration? Do you sleep well?


If your H has been medically confirmed to be low T, has he no been prescribed Androgel or other testosterone treatment? Or has he passed in that and has simply given up? 

For around 5 years ended Oct 2013 I was un a clinically sexless marriage (less than 12 times per year) after the birth of our third child. We slept in the same bed and only one of us felt resentful...me. My W simply did not have the desire after having the Mirena IUD put in. She went from HD to LD seemingly overnight.

She wasn't interested, often turned down my advances, made excuses, and it really damaged our relationship - she didn't meet my needs so I cared less what her needs were and so went the downward viscious cycle.

The cycle has ended, however. We both had to open up, be willing to talk and listen. Its been a great 3 months since...so all should not be lost for you, either.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## the_turtle (Jan 7, 2014)

I just talked to my husband this afternoon about our pathetic sex life for the 4th time. My husband suffers low T, just like yours does. He had the Androgel and shots for a 6-9 months and then quit total because of the fear of increased risk of prostate cancer. So it has been 3 years of resentment. Like you, I cannot sleep well. I usually fall asleep around 4 a.m. The only 2 wishes I have now is:
1. All my memory with him is erased.
2. Or, I will never be awake again. 

The most peaceful time, to me, is sleeping time because I could not feel a thing. So, this afternoon, I talked to him for the 4th time and surprisingly, it went without yelling, screaming, or even blaming each other like it had been the previous 3 times. I just wanted to tell him today that I would be working with him on this sexless marriage and be patient for a little longer. But, if he kept ignoring, I would request to sleep in separate bedroom because I was tired of falling asleep in anger and frustration. So, he thought deeply and asked me how much time he had until I got to that point (of moving to another bedroom). My answer was simply "depending on how committed you are on changing our sex life. If I perceive that you make sorry efforts, it will be time for me to buy a new bed myself". Anyway, my husband does care and acknowledge that that I have been emotionally neglected by him for 5 years. Better yet, he seems to be concerned about whether he's going to wake up in the morning seeing me next to him-which I take as a good sign. I think you should suggest sleeping in different bedrooms and ask him "how do you like it?" Pecanpie, you may be surprised with his answer-but you never know until you ask.


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Does your husband seek medical help for his low T or have you both just given up?


I have given up. The doctor scared him about getting T treatments because of the risks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

pecanpie said:


> I have given up. The doctor scared him about getting T treatments because of the risks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are natural ways to increase your T.

Squats and deadlifts, repeat. 

Interval training.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Pecan - am in the same position as you, given up trying.

My wifes constant rejections, excuses lack of interest and lack of responsibility etc have all driven me to a place where I simply don't care and am not interested. In effect she has extinguished the flame in me.

We still sleep in the same 7ft x 7ft bed. I go to bed at about 10pm my wife at about midnight. I go so early because sleep is an escape. She watches television or whatever (don't care what she does).

Yes I resent my wife for what she has done to me but I don't let it deprive me of sleep. The sooner I get to sleep the better.
In order to try and keep a relatively peaceful home environment for our two children I have just psychologically castrated myself.

Although I gave up trying to talk about it years ago, I suspect my wife is quite happy I've gone off sex.....though is, of course, completely ignorant as to why.

So Pecan, for what its worth, please try not to let it get to you....Good things come to those who wait.

I am confident that in time the likes of you and I will find the right person.


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

I would be most happy to donate all my T to your husband if I could. Obviously I will have no further use for it. I wish I could find a switch to turn my drive off. I would have some much needed peace. 
On the sleep thing, we do sleep in the same bed most of the time but I stay way over on my side.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MicroStorm (Aug 10, 2012)

Pretty much a sexless marriage here.

Although we sleep in the same bed, we rarely, if ever, go to bed at the same time, so we might as well just sleep in separate rooms. I'd be totally fine with that, but I don't think the wife would go for it, since she gets pissy if fall asleep on the couch. She gets up early for work and goes to bed early. I tend to get up a little later and I'm a nightowl. After years of rejection, I pretty much have given up and rather than go to bed disappointed, I just don't go to bed at all until I can't stay awake. I do this pretty much every weeknight. I can probably count on one hand how many times we've had sex during weeknights in the past 3 years, so I gave up a long time ago, and use my night time to relax, watch television, play video games, look at my stock charts, pleasure myself, etc.

We do have sex probably once every 2nd or 3rd Saturday morning, and I let her initiate most of the time. Usually if she doesn't make a move a few minutes after I wake up, I just get up and make breakfast and get along with my weekend, and hope that next Saturday will be different.

The sexless marriage used to emotionally and mentally drain me and keep me up at night, but I'm well beyond that at this point.


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## lifewithcrazy (Nov 21, 2013)

Statistically sexless marriage here. Have talked with husband umpteen times and then some about the absence of any emotional intimacy or effort on his part to fix it, aka try to meet any of my needs outside of the bedroom, and it has all fallen on dead ears. He is not interested in acting like a husband but still wants the sexual benefits. Not happening. I tried his "you go first" method of intimacy and it got me nowhere but feeling used. Now he sleeps in the bedroom and I sleep on the couch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Well we used to sleep in the same bed. Then he got mad when I fell asleep on the couch. Then I slept in the bed with him and woke up to find HIM on the couch! 

Whatever.... the last time we had sex, THE ONLY TIME LAST YEAR=ONCE/////// we were out of town camping and slept in the same tent.

That was in July. Today is Jan 8.....

Sleep where you are comfortable. Get some rest and take care of yourself. Dont toss and turn all night out of obligation. It will only build resentment. I wish you the best.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Not only do we not sleep together in the same bed, I am logistically in a room as far away from the master bedroom as I can get, my mancave. My wife and I have discussed our problems ad nausea. The one thing she blamed all of our problems on was her lack of sleep due to my snoring ( she snores as well btw). She would sleep on the couch because of my snoring. So I corrected the issue by moving out of the bedroom so she could sleep in the master bed. Guess what, she still sleeps on the couch half the time, so I call bs. The master bedroom is also a complete catastrophe of a mess all of her doing so I have no interest to be in there anyway. To me, it all adds up to her pushing me away on purpose, I just wish she had the guts to be honest with me like I am with her.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

We slept in the same bed. He snores and tosses and turns. I could never sleep properly.

In the end I insisted on separate beds. The marriage was ending at that time.

Then we reconciled and we still sleep in separate beds. Neither of us sleeps all that well, it turns out, but at least in separate rooms we don't have to worry about disturbing one another and we both sleep much better.

If we want sex we just go to one or other bed.


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## PerplexedinMichigan (Jan 8, 2014)

I have been married since 1998, my marriage has never been consummated. We had a great sex life for the first year we dated, then it all shut off. I learned to do without, but first I tried losing weight, changing clothes, hairstyle etc. I am told that I am a beautiful woman and I have a great body. My husband has been tested and everything physical is fine. We have gone to counseling many times, and he still can't get to the bottom of his issue. 5 years ago we separated, I was devastated. We reconciled 2.5 years ago, since then I found out that he had been seeing a woman prior to our separation, he denies, I had proof, he admits, he had been sleeping with this woman. We still have not had sex, and I have found out that he watches porn, I explained how hurtful it was to me (not the porn) but the fact that he refuses to have anything to do with me, so he told me he understood and wouldn't do it again. I went out for the eve with my friends and had to return home for something and caught him in bed watching porn and masturbating. I'm not a stupid woman, I masterbate and I know men do as well. But I feel so betrayed. I have caught him hiding his phone, now he just places it face down and puts it on silent so I can't say he is hiding it ( he was sexting other women and I caught him). Whenever confronted about all the lies and deceit, he throws temper tantrums to the point where he pitches all my stuff outside. I am now having anxiety attacks, cause I have to watch everything I say or he flips out. New Year's Day I told him I was buying my own home so that the next time he decided to threaten to throw me out or touches any of my stuff I will have a place to go. Needless to say, since then and as always In The past, when it reaches this point, he now is singing to me, trying to hold my hand, blah. I have been duped by this man my whole life. When things are going great, he can be a lot of fun, he has no ex wife, or kids from another marriage, secure job, we could have a real easy stress free life, if he could just get over his sexual issues. My question is this: I had learned in the past to live in a non sexual relationship, and I thought he as well, but his ego won, and he had an affair. How do I ever trust that he won't have another affair when we still don't have sex, because he can't, as I sit here missing that very important connection. I am lost.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

PerplexedinMichigan said:


> I have been married since 1998, my marriage has never been consummated. We had a great sex life for the first year we dated, then it all shut off. I learned to do without, but first I tried losing weight, changing clothes, hairstyle etc. I am told that I am a beautiful woman and I have a great body. My husband has been tested and everything physical is fine. We have gone to counseling many times, and he still can't get to the bottom of his issue. 5 years ago we separated, I was devastated. We reconciled 2.5 years ago, since then I found out that he had been seeing a woman prior to our separation, he denies, I had proof, he admits, he had been sleeping with this woman. We still have not had sex, and I have found out that he watches porn, I explained how hurtful it was to me (not the porn) but the fact that he refuses to have anything to do with me, so he told me he understood and wouldn't do it again. I went out for the eve with my friends and had to return home for something and caught him in bed watching porn and masturbating. I'm not a stupid woman, I masterbate and I know men do as well. But I feel so betrayed. I have caught him hiding his phone, now he just places it face down and puts it on silent so I can't say he is hiding it ( he was sexting other women and I caught him). Whenever confronted about all the lies and deceit, he throws temper tantrums to the point where he pitches all my stuff outside. I am now having anxiety attacks, cause I have to watch everything I say or he flips out. New Year's Day I told him I was buying my own home so that the next time he decided to threaten to throw me out or touches any of my stuff I will have a place to go. Needless to say, since then and as always In The past, when it reaches this point, he now is singing to me, trying to hold my hand, blah. I have been duped by this man my whole life. When things are going great, he can be a lot of fun, he has no ex wife, or kids from another marriage, secure job, we could have a real easy stress free life, if he could just get over his sexual issues. My question is this: I had learned in the past to live in a non sexual relationship, and I thought he as well, but his ego won, and he had an affair. How do I ever trust that he won't have another affair when we still don't have sex, because he can't, as I sit here missing that very important connection. I am lost.


This is one of the very few cases I would throw out the question .... is he gay? I can't imagine a man with what appears to have a normal sex drive and a good relationship with his wife (enough that she wants to have sex with him), not wanting to have sex with his wife. Something weird about this situation. In any case, I worry about you ... he's cheated on you, doesn't want to have sex with you ... what is it about you that keeps you in this marriage?

I see this is your first post. Let's not derail this topic and go ahead and create a new thread ... you can basically start with this post.


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## PerplexedinMichigan (Jan 8, 2014)

This is my first time on this site, I do not know how to create a new thread


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## wifey82 (Aug 4, 2011)

I am in a long term sexless marriage but thankfully it is not a intimacy less marriage. We share the same superking bed (which is really far too big!) We always go to bed at different times (he is nocturnal and I get up earlier for work than him) which is fine with me as I get the opportunity to 'take care of my needs' in private. As soon as he comes to bed though he is like the cuddle monster and he snuggles up on my side of the bed and we fall back to sleep cuddling. There is nothing sexual to it it just feels safe and loving and never fails to put a smile on my face. He loves cuddling and has said many times that he does not think he could fall asleep unless I was in his arms. We have not slept any other way in 12 years!


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## PerplexedinMichigan (Jan 8, 2014)

*Re: Marriage Has Never been consummated ?*



PerplexedinMichigan said:


> I have been married since 1998, my marriage has never been consummated. We had a great sex life for the first year we dated, then it all shut off. I learned to do without, but first I tried losing weight, changing clothes, hairstyle etc. I am told that I am a beautiful woman and I have a great body. My husband has been tested and everything physical is fine. We have gone to counseling many times, and he still can't get to the bottom of his issue. 5 years ago we separated, I was devastated. We reconciled 2.5 years ago, since then I found out that he had been seeing a woman prior to our separation, he denies, I had proof, he admits, he had been sleeping with this woman. We still have not had sex, and I have found out that he watches porn, I explained how hurtful it was to me (not the porn) but the fact that he refuses to have anything to do with me, so he told me he understood and wouldn't do it again. I went out for the eve with my friends and had to return home for something and caught him in bed watching porn and masturbating. I'm not a stupid woman, I masterbate and I know men do as well. But I feel so betrayed. I have caught him hiding his phone, now he just places it face down and puts it on silent so I can't say he is hiding it ( he was sexting other women and I caught him). Whenever confronted about all the lies and deceit, he throws temper tantrums to the point where he pitches all my stuff outside. I am now having anxiety attacks, cause I have to watch everything I say or he flips out. New Year's Day I told him I was buying my own home so that the next time he decided to threaten to throw me out or touches any of my stuff I will have a place to go. Needless to say, since then and as always In The past, when it reaches this point, he now is singing to me, trying to hold my hand, blah. I have been duped by this man my whole life. When things are going great, he can be a lot of fun, he has no ex wife, or kids from another marriage, secure job, we could have a real easy stress free life, if he could just get over his sexual issues. My question is this: I had learned in the past to live in a non sexual relationship, and I thought he as well, but his ego won, and he had an affair. How do I ever trust that he won't have another affair when we still don't have sex, because he can't, as I sit here missing that very important connection. I am lost.


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## UserName1 (Oct 22, 2013)

She sleeps in the bed, I'm in the recliner. It started years ago with babies in the house. Took turns during the night and tried to let the other person get sleep. Then it evolved when she started going to bed really early. Since I go to bed later and get up earlier, and she's a very light sleeper, we both get better rest this way. I just got so used to it that a can hardly sleep (flat) in a bed anymore. I toss and turn, arms go numb, can hardly walk the next day.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

PerplexedinMichigan said:


> This is my first time on this site, I do not know how to create a new thread


You can go to the section where you want to create the post. If you are using a normal web browser, you should see a dropdown on the upper right hand side labeled 'Forum Tools'. Under the dropdown there is an option to create a new thread.

Not sure which section I would recommend for you because this covers a variety of different topics. I might suggest posting it in the General Relationship section.

Hope that helps


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

UserName1 said:


> She sleeps in the bed, I'm in the recliner. It started years ago with babies in the house. Took turns during the night and tried to let the other person get sleep. Then it evolved when she started going to bed really early. Since I go to bed later and get up earlier, and she's a very light sleeper, we both get better rest this way. I just got so used to it that a can hardly sleep (flat) in a bed anymore. I toss and turn, arms go numb, can hardly walk the next day.


People fight this much to ignore each other, to neglect each other. Compartamentalize so hard, that it's easier to just do what your supposed to do.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Similar situation here, except for a few more years and my H’s T levels are fine (tested well above “low normal”).



pecanpie said:


> My husband and I have been sleeping in the same king sized bed all this time. I have been sleeping badly. As you can imagine, going to bed with him beside me makes me feel resentful every night. I toss and turn and am unable to sleep.


Me too. That is why I started moving to our guest room to sleep on those nights. I can only sleep well next to my H when I am exhausted to the point that I fall asleep quickly, which as it turns out is about half time.

As for "coping skills" … I gave up on the seduction/communication approach long ago … now it’s masturbation and a rather extreme exercise routine.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> Similar situation here, except for a few more years and my H’s T levels are fine (tested well above “low normal”).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


How can he simply deny you any sexual pleasure at all and smugly act like he's doing nothing wrong?

I don't know how you take it, oh I do know, painfully and minimize a part of yourself.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

treyvion said:


> How can he simply deny you any sexual pleasure at all and smugly act like he's doing nothing wrong?


Because he is a narcissist. And yes, there was a professional diagnosis and a second opinion. Found out 2 years ago; it explained everything.



treyvion said:


> I don't know how you take it, oh I do know, painfully and minimize a part of yourself.


Yes that, and the "coping skills" I mentioned above.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> Because he is a narcissist. And yes, there was a professional diagnosis and a second opinion. Found out 2 years ago; it explained everything.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes that, and the "coping skills" I mentioned above.


That makes much sense. Most people have no clue how serious narcissism is and how widespread it is.

A narcissist will hear you say your complaint, but it will not register and it will not be important. 

Many of them will have you in an abused position, just by the nature of the relation and not accept that it's abuse, all the while gaining "empowerment" due to the leverage and lack of care.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

pecanpie said:


> So my question to those in sexless or near sexless marriage - do you sleep on the same bed? How do you cope with the daily reminder and frustration? Do you sleep well?


Yes we sleep in the same bed, even during those many years (over a decade) when I was resentful due to lack of sex.

At the time I coped with getting angry, and learned to sleep on my side facing away from her. Today it's the only way I can sleep even though I am no longer resentful.

Taking care of my own needs was how I survived, even though she considers that a form of adultery I learned to keep it private, even from her. 

Now I sleep great, as long as I am on my side facing away. I am no longer resentful because I learned not to care about our sex life anymore. I think that's a discussion for a different thread as your question was about sleeping in the same bed. 

So my advice is to learn how to not be resentful, or find different beds. It could be a wake up call to him if you tell him until he puts out you are sleeping in different beds. I would carefully consider that move though as it could be the next step towards a divorce. I'm sorry.


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

committed_guy said:


> Yes we sleep in the same bed, even during those many years (over a decade) when I was resentful due to lack of sex.
> 
> At the time I coped with getting angry, and learned to sleep on my side facing away from her. Today it's the only way I can sleep even though I am no longer resentful.
> 
> ...


I too have to sleep on my side facing away from him in order to fall asleep. I think our spouses are not dumb. In a way, they too have given up caring about how their spouse feels. I doubt they are genuinely happy too - even if they don't care anymore.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

pecanpie said:


> I doubt they are genuinely happy too - even if they don't care anymore.


This is the part I don't get. Even a narcissist would put out in order to make their spouse happy so that they would serve them more.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> I too have to sleep on my side facing away from him in order to fall asleep. I think our spouses are not dumb. In a way, they too have given up caring about how their spouse feels. I doubt they are genuinely happy too - even if they don't care anymore.


Thats interesting. I have often wondered if my wife is truly happy with having no sex drive. Does she like that lack of connection? Is she happy knowing it bothers me? Or does she not care.

Anyways, to answer your original post.. we share a bed and I often toss and turn,internally upset about the rejection from the person inches away from me.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

I propose you buy a fully loaded bag of toys (and I'm not kidding) and go at it hardcore with him laying there. See what he does, if he doesn't join you then you got bigger problems.
Just being blunt, desperate time sometimes calls for desperate measures.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

pecanpie said:


> I have been married for 15 years and in a near sexless marriage throughout (sex occurs very infrequently and husband has been tested to have very very low T). It is now completely sexless since I decided to quit on working on our sex life altogether. I know that nothing can ever change him as he is just asexual.
> 
> My husband and I have been sleeping in the same king sized bed all this time. I have been sleeping badly. As you can imagine, going to bed with him beside me makes me feel resentful every night. I toss and turn and am unable to sleep.
> 
> So my question to those in sexless or near sexless marriage - do you sleep on the same bed? How do you cope with the daily reminder and frustration? Do you sleep well?


 Yes, I continue to sleep in the same bed feeling empty.. I have just taken the same decision to quit working on my 2-1/2 yr relationship sexless life. Honestly I have taken to Cleaning at odd hours of the night/ picking up extra shifts at work, so that when I go to bed with him.. Im soo exhausted I cant even think about it.:scratchhead:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Have you discussed your snoring with your doctor? If not, I would recommend doing so.

Next, suggest to your W that you both sort out the 'mess' in the master bedroom and create a pleasant haven in which for you both to sleep.

Lastly, invest in some MC to sort out the problems in your marriage and, if doesn't work, decide whether or not you are prepared to spend the rest of your life like this.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

aston said:


> I propose you buy a fully loaded bag of toys (and I'm not kidding) and go at it hardcore with him laying there. See what he does, if he doesn't join you then you got bigger problems.
> Just being blunt, desperate time sometimes calls for desperate measures.


Been there, done that, was ignored, didn't change a thing. Just last night we were watching a show called Banshee (season 2, episode 2) where the opening scene was of a woman pleasuring herself in bed. H commented, "Wow, that was an erotic scene" ... I wanted to punch him.

I used to be the queen of "desperate measures" and then, I just gave up.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

pecanpie said:


> I have been married for 15 years and in a near sexless marriage throughout (sex occurs very infrequently and husband has been tested to have very very low T). It is now completely sexless since I decided to quit on working on our sex life altogether. I know that nothing can ever change him as he is just asexual.
> 
> My husband and I have been sleeping in the same king sized bed all this time. I have been sleeping badly. As you can imagine, going to bed with him beside me makes me feel resentful every night. I toss and turn and am unable to sleep.
> 
> So my question to those in sexless or near sexless marriage - do you sleep on the same bed? How do you cope with the daily reminder and frustration? Do you sleep well?


I have sex with my wife less than 5 times per year. I am 35 years old. We sleep in the same bed 1 or 2 times per week. She usually falls asleep in the kids room.

Resentment? I'm way passed that now. Every female under the age of 70 looks great to me.


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## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

There is no sex in my marriage, indeed it is hate-filled. She won't sleep in the bed - she sleeps on the couch. I've told her she should come sleep on the bed but she refuses. She is also furious because I won't sleep on the couch at all and won't alternate nights between couch and bed with her. Now after being on the uncomfortable couch for such a long time (more than a year), she actually has back problems. Serves her right. She had no business moving out of the room and sleeping on the couch.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

When my wife and I were arguing a lot, one of her tactics was to tell me to sleep elsewhere. I ended up sleeping in a spare bedroom until I was granted access back into our bedroom.

The last time it happened I decided to make that room my room. Gradually moved my clothes and books in there and set up a TV. When my wife was over her bad mood, she told me it was OK to come back to the bedroom. I explained to her that she had thrown me out of the bedroom for the last time. I also told her that if were were going to act like two people that share an apartment rather than husband and wife, then I would take it all the way. She got huffy and said nothing else for a couple of days until she came to me begging to come back into the bedroom.

The bottom line is that if you two treat the relationship as roommates, then be roommates, not lovers. Not only regarding bedrooms, but expenses, chores, time, etc... And if that is acceptable to your spouse, you may as well pack up and leave.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

We are closing in on 4 months of no sex soon. Not only do we sleep in the same queen size bed, we both sleep naked. She just makes sure she doesn't touch me.

This is a lesson a learned from my father. I told her a long time ago that if she no longer wanted to sleep with me, for whatever reason, she could look for somewhere else. I am not moving out of the bed!

The only time since getting married that I did not sleep in our bed was if one of our kids was sick and I stayed near them.


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

pecanpie said:


> I have given up. The doctor scared him about getting T treatments because of the risks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did his doctor also talk to him about the health risks of having low T ? Seems like the physician gave him just half the information and the physician choose the side the reflects his practice ideas. 

Your spouse needs a real HRT physician. When you call around just ask straight "Do you practice HRT for men?
Another way is to ask your pharmacist who are the physicians in your town that RX Testosterone thereapy.

You may want to know that Rx like Andgrogel and Anxiron are very expensive and your insurance may not cover it.
Injectable T is inexpensive but he must be willing to do 1 shinjection 1 or 2 times a month.

If your spouse will not go to a real HRT doctor , then there are some ways to increase T naturally but it difficult to get to steady level that way

What will not work is him trying to "will" himself into sexuality. Its nearly impossible because his disinterest in sex is medical. '

If you wonder how I know all this , I am an RN and both my husband and I use hormone therapy.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Always Learning said:


> We are closing in on 4 months of no sex soon. Not only do we sleep in the same queen size bed, we both sleep naked. She just makes sure she doesn't touch me.
> 
> This is a lesson a learned from my father. I told her a long time ago that if she no longer wanted to sleep with me, for whatever reason, she could look for somewhere else. I am not moving out of the bed!


The same should also be true if she wants to completely kill sex. For it to be known up front it's a deal breaker.



Always Learning said:


> The only time since getting married that I did not sleep in our bed was if one of our kids was sick and I stayed near them.


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

Always Learning said:


> We are closing in on 4 months of no sex soon. Not only do we sleep in the same queen size bed, we both sleep naked. She just makes sure she doesn't touch me.
> 
> This is a lesson a learned from my father. I told her a long time ago that if she no longer wanted to sleep with me, for whatever reason, she could look for somewhere else. I am not moving out of the bed!
> 
> The only time since getting married that I did not sleep in our bed was if one of our kids was sick and I stayed near them.


Naked and in the same bed! OK I really don't get it :scratchhead:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Men "hubbies" with low T should of immediately taken care of business, by getting testosterone shots (steroids) so his sex drive would be high like when he was in his teens and 20's. By a hubby with very low T not doing anything about it, very long time, wifee is going sex starved crazy, he deserves to be divorced. Most men would take care of business to please their women and the ones that don't, you divorce them and find a real man. Many out there, high sex drives, rock your worlds.


My wifee and I sleep in the same bed. Sometimes, on her last day of work for the week, she watches tv, and falls asleep on the couch all night and I have the bed to myself. Win win for the both of us. A one night breathing space.


There are many solutions to eliminating snoring. Breathe Right strips is one example. 

http://www.breatheright.ca/homepage.html


7 easy fixes for snoring.

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/easy-snoring-remedies


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Men "hubbies" with low T should of immediately taken care of business, by getting testosterone shots (steroids) so his sex drive would be high like when he was in his teens and 20's. By a hubby with very low T not doing anything about it, very long time, wifee is going sex starved crazy, he deserves to be divorced. Most men would take care of business to please their women and the ones that don't, you divorce them and find a real man. Many out there, high sex drives, rock your worlds.
> 
> 
> My wifee and I sleep in the same bed. Sometimes, on her last day of work for the week, she watches tv, and falls asleep on the couch all night and I have the bed to myself. Win win for the both of us. A one night breathing space.
> ...


Sorry, getting T shots also comes with risks, and for some men it is riskier than others and so it is a judgement call. I am not of the opinion that a 'real' man's value is defined by his sex drive ... that is ridiculous. It may mean an incompatibility in the marriage but that doesn't mean that person isn't right for somebody. I happen to have a high sex drive but I am in a sexless marriage; my value as a person and a man isn't defined by how often I get laid.


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