# She ripped off the bandaid



## Skuba (Aug 29, 2010)

I have posted a few over the last couple weeks. Please, read them if you havent yet, so you can know whats been happening. I've been sitting around trying to keep myself busy for the last two and a half weeks while my wife decided she didnt love me anymore. I cant, for the life of me see what could have been so bad, that it couldnt have been worked on. She wouldnt agree to counsiling or anything at all except moving to her moms. I guess to some people, the sanctity of marriage means a little more than just giving up and leaving when things are not as good as they once were. I had so much hope, seeing these posts, and how so many of you at least try, or tried to save your marriages. I saw what some of you were going through, and compaired it to what we were, and I thought there is no way its really over, things are not nearly as bad as they could be. I have nothing but admiration for those of you who are doing whatever you can to save a marriage. And I have nothing but empathy for those whos spouses are not willing to try. I was ready to do anything and everything, she was not willing. She just fell out of love with me. Maybe there is someone else, and I just couldnt see it. I dont know. But what I do know, is that tonight, I am meeting to discuss the terms of the big D. You never think its gonna be happening to you. There are a two people in my family who have been divorsed, and I see how happy they are now. Its so hard to see that being possible. But, I know it happens, and I cant wait for this pain to subside. Funny thing is, its not as bad right now as it was when she walked out, or while I was waiting for her call to say she was coming home. I live on a busy residential street, and even after this morning, when I got the bad news, I have jumped up at every car door closing, and for a moment I was full of happiness thinking that I would look out that window and see her coming up the drive way. Now, its so hard to even look outside, because I dont want to see that shes not there, and Im afraid of whats waiting out there for me. Its been a while, granted not as long as most of you out there, since I could even look at another woman and wonder. I loved my wife so much, and truely felt she was so beautiful, that no one compaired to her. Now, its going to be so hard to not compair. I know I will be o.k. But I dont know how, or how long its gonna take, and Im almost scarred to think of what its gonna feel like to try to date again. If there is anyone that has some advice, any advise, on how long this pain lasts, or how long people wait to start dating again. I feel right now, I want to go out and pick up someone, but it would just be out of spite, and anger. And maybe how long, if ever, you stop missing what you thought you had, and actually can be optimistic of your future. Like I said, I know Ill be o.k. eventually, but I cant see it happening. I do allright during the day, but when its time for bed, and shes not there to kiss goodnight, or hear her say she love me. And in the morning when there is nobody there. I even made breakfast the other day for both of us, out of habbit. It was a sad moment. I see myself having a lot of sad moments. Well, Tonight is probably the final discussion we will have together, so I imagin I will be posting again this evening. Good luck to all holding on to hope, and thank you for your replies.


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## Cgreene21 (Feb 11, 2010)

Hey Skuba-

Well bro, I know exactly how you feel. A year ago I found myself in the same place you are...lost, alone, confused, hurt...and I came here looking for the answers to the same questions you have. And, like so many others, our stories are similar. Quick recap, I left for a trip on a Friday, got a call Sunday telling me not to come home. I moved in with my parents, a month later she calls me and asks me to come back home. Everything seems great for a few months, then in January she tells me she wants a divorce, doesn't love me, etc. Come February, I hacked her Facebook and found letters proving she had been having an affair for 6+ months. The divorce was finalized just last month.

I waited until I knew it was completely over before I started to date...and in retrospect I probably wasn't ready yet. It was nice to have someone again, but in the back of my mind and in my heart I knew that it wasn't what I wanted. So when that relationship crumbled after 3 months, all it did was add to my feelings of failure, and did more damage to my self esteem than good. My second try, more of the same. So I can't tell you if there is a time frame ot an actual "good" time to start dating again...all I can say is not to rush into it.

As for the pain...I don't know if it ever really goes away. It does fade and dull over time...but there's times when it will just blind side you...something small will set you off. But, I can promise that it will get better...the wound will heal into a scar. But it will take time...I know its hard to see it now, I still have a hard time believing that this will all somehow work out in the end, but you have to keep faith.

I wish you all the luck in the world, brother.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi Skuba,

Sorry you are going through all of this too. I wish I could tell you when the pain will end, but I'm still working on that too. My life has been in turmoil for more than four years; and quite frankly I see no relief in sight any time soon. I think it's better when you can get a divorce (once you've determined there is no hope for reconciliation) and move on. At least you have direction in your life--and the wound can heal. Have faith God has something better waiting in your future. At least that's what I keep being told by others who have traveled this path before me.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Hi Skuba,
> 
> Sorry you are going through all of this too. I wish I could tell you when the pain will end, but I'm still working on that too. My life has been in turmoil for more than four years; and quite frankly I see no relief in sight any time soon. I think it's better when you can get a divorce (once you've determined there is no hope for reconciliation) and move on. At least you have direction in your life--and the wound can heal. Have faith God has something better waiting in your future. At least that's what I keep being told by others who have traveled this path before me.


827 do you think the prayers and faith in God are helpful for you? Does it bring you hope? I only ask cuz it doesnt seem to be helping me.

Skuba, I wouldnt jump into any negoiations with her as of yet and in your case Atty is probably the way to go. You are disabled and your earning potential is low so with you and your familys help and support she became a doctor. I believe you are entitled to support.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Brewster 59 said:


> 827 do you think the prayers and faith in God are helpful for you? Does it bring you hope? I only ask cuz it doesnt seem to be helping me.


They certainly are! And they do! I would be in a much darker place without hope and faith. I learned so much from my near death experience last year. I was successful resuscitated then placed on life support for two weeks. The doctors' told my family there was no chance for me. My family, friends, and medical staff witnessed a miracle when I opened my eyes that October morning. Hope and faith can go along way and miracles do happen. Hopefully Skuba will see brighter days soon!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Brewster 59 said:


> Skuba, I wouldnt jump into any negoiations with her as of yet and in your case Atty is probably the way to go. You are disabled and your earning potential is low so with you and your familys help and support she became a doctor. I believe you are entitled to support.


Definitely see an attorney. You sound like you are in my boat on that one. You are probably entitled to spousal support.


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## Skuba (Aug 29, 2010)

Ive prayed everyday that my wife and I were together, that I was making her happy and that she would stick by my side as I went through what I was going though. I feel that I am so close to getting my life back, but she was my reason for wanting it so bad. I still have faith that there is something better in my future, but the faith has dropped considerably since the seperation. Im trying very hard, and hanging in there for now. I just hope things dont get worse, because Im afraid that if they do, Ill lose the faith and the strength to keep trying. Thanks for the responses. I try to respond to any people that I can relate to, But its hard to give advise, which is what people seem to be asking for, when nothing has worked out for me. I feel like just talking out here, is a way of others to see that there not alone. Best of luck to all.


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