# FWB with ex - post split



## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Is it possible?

Are any of you in this type of situation? Is there to much room for more hurt?

This split was initiated by my ex after numerous times of trying to figure it out and making it work to no avail. This isn't the first time, but I've come to realize she just isn't invested in this anymore. When we first got together she wanted to be F buddies but she fell in love with me. I know she still loves me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you want to move on and heal, or do you want to continue in your present emotional state? . Why not find a fwb that you don't have a negative history with? 

C


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

My present emotional state is ok. I'm not bitter over the split. I figured, I was with her for 4 years...why not continue to have my physical needs met with someone I feel comfortable with. 

I'm not opposed to a FWB with someone new.


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## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

I'd say keep her and have another one, Ranger.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

One major problem with such an arrangement is that you are wasting your time with her when you could be moving on and finding someone who is actually compatible and good for you, with whom you can have a real and fulfilling relationship. Of course, if you don't want such a relationship, then I suppose NSA sex is appealing - but I'd still think someone else would be a better and safer match.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you want to, knock yourself out. Personally, my ex couldn't get an erection out of my with a crane and a case of Viagra, but that's just me. 

C


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> One major problem with such an arrangement is that you are wasting your time with her when you could be moving on and finding someone who is actually compatible and good for you, with whom you can have a real and fulfilling relationship. Of course, if you don't want such a relationship, then I suppose NSA sex is appealing - but I'd still think someone else would be a better and safer match.


I hear you. At this point, my attention and energy will be focused on my kiddos and my wants/needs. NSA is only appealing since its better than no sex at all. 

Ideally, a better relationship is more appealing than NSA, too.

My jaded devil is in conflict with my hopeful angel.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why not find someone you don't have a history with? My SO and I met on an "adult" website, looking for a fwb. That was almost 4 years ago, and she moved in a few months ago. 

C


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yep. It can be done. You just have to be on the same page.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If you want no-strings sex, why not choose someone with whom there is at least a real possibility of no strings? An ex, sort of by definition, is someone you have history with. They come with strings.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

FWB tends to fall apart when someone gets feelings about the other. She already has feelings. 

Sooner or later, she will probably want more than just sex from you. Especially since she's gotten the "something more" in the past.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

That could be the case for busy professionals who really don't have the time nor energy to invest in a committed relationship. Their work prevents them from dwelling too much on the sex partner.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

I've come to the conclusion this would not be a good idea nor in my best interest either. Thank you for your input everyone.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Be careful, because it could affect future prospects. If I found out a guy I met had still been hooking up with his ex I'd be gone. Don't give a crap about his "needs", it would suggest to me that he hasn't moved on and I'm not interested in such drama. If you can't spend a little while alone you're poor partner material, but of course I only speak for myself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good idea on not doing it. I had only skimmed your post at first and hadn't seen the part about her dumping you and it being an on-off thing. You are hurt.

She is not the one for an FWB. Not at all.


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## ellaenchanted (Sep 7, 2014)

Works for me. 
If I were to ever date someone else and get more serious with somebody (which probably wouldnt happen for a while longer) I would have to get rid. 
Didn't cause any hurt for me because all the love was long gone lol


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

I think the FWB with her crossed my mind simply because I don't want to let go. I realize this is a covert contract and I won't allow myself to pursue through that method. It has to be a clean break once and for all - not only for my sake but for hers as well. 

I'll put the FWB idea(with someone else) on the shelf and revisit it after some time.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Like Bob in TWD laughs out loud: Its Tainted Meat.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> One major problem with such an arrangement is that you are wasting your time with her when you could be moving on and finding someone who is actually compatible and good for you, with whom you can have a real and fulfilling relationship. Of course, if you don't want such a relationship, then I suppose NSA sex is appealing - but I'd still think someone else would be a better and safer match.





texasoutlaw82 said:


> I hear you. At this point, my attention and energy will be focused on my kiddos and my wants/needs. NSA is only appealing since its better than no sex at all.
> 
> Ideally, a better relationship is more appealing than NSA, too.
> 
> My jaded devil is in conflict with my hopeful angel.



Howdy TexasSouthern:

So a couple a’ things from a “Been there and done that” perspective – for not just the situation between you and the Ex but others. 

Above all else, first and foremost, you need to be thinking “How’s this going to affect and effect the children?” From your prior posts, I think you and I have a lot of “simpatico” in that regard so I’d just say run the situation and a number of potential fact patterns that may result though your analytical process and I’d bet the odds are better than not that the negatives outweigh the positives. 

In my FWB with an Ex experience, it was an “amicable parting” but in any break-up, one side is in the “power” position so-to-speak and that’s the individual who initiated the break-up. The individual in the “non-power” position is emotionally vulnerable and, notwithstanding the “Gentleman’s Agreement”, the “deal” ultimately only serves to prolong the emotional healing which he or she needs to go through. 

For me, I was on the weak side of the equation and while the sex aspect was nice, all it really did was prolong the inevitable. A clean break and getting on with my life would have been a much better path to have taken.

In the other FWB scenarios I’ve experienced, they rarely pan out that way. Someone, read usually the woman but not always, becomes more invested in the relationship and that ultimately becomes an emotional vortex in itself.

To me, element of not having to deal with the “emotion” is the driving factor to such a relationship and if you’re ultimately not getting that benefit of the bargain you might as well just treat the whole thing in the context of an ordinary courtship.

On the up side, I read you to be a thoughtful, educated, middle age or getting there gentleman. I think you’ll find yourself to be a fairly marketable commodity.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Good idea on not doing it. I had only skimmed your post at first and hadn't seen the part about her dumping you and it being an on-off thing. You are hurt.
> 
> She is not the one for an FWB. Not at all.


I agree. 
An FWB is supposed to be a light relationship.
This one is already complicated and muddy.

Besides...there may be a great gal out there for you.


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