# Divorce Observation #6 - Complete Dysfunction



## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

This morning, things were a mess. W was upset. I was the scapegoat. Kids were getting yelled at. I had things to do. I jumped back at her. I even snipped at the kids, for no real reason other than I was upset at what was going on this morning. I needed another cup of coffee to settle down... 

After things started smoothing out, I began to fix my older daughters coat. Her pocket was ripped and needed mending. As I was doing this, my two girls were singing songs they learned in preschool and 2nd grade. Wonderful! They both do so many things together, they know the same songs, they are both tone deaf. I loved every minute of it. It pulled me out of my funk, even. By many standards, this morning would be an average start to any day. However, this house is pretty screwed up. You see, while I was doing the mending and cheering on my kids to sing their songs, W was upstairs, getting ready to meet OM's parents for the day and for dinner. Her nervousness and anxiety were what caused all the mess earlier. 

This truly does affect everyone in the house as this example shows. Stress levels are high for everyone. Mom is not around, she is focusing on herself. I am starting my new job traveling next week. Other than when she asks for something, I really don't have much interaction with my W. The kids aren't getting the support and love from a FAMILY. It is from me or from her. Its not the right environment to grow up in.

So whats next? Not sure. She and I have gone through the house and divided everything up. We have already started to talk about finances and how to divide things. Most of that is done. We have an acceptable day care lined up. She is looking for a job and has a prospect already interested. We have a hanging point on custody issues, but I am reading about what to do for parenting guidelines and am going to be spending my time in the hotel rooms drafting my version of what we should do. I'm not letting her and her attorney make the rules. That should do it. The attorneys are getting an easy one out of us. Heck, most of the papers and decisions will be written for them. On track for completion in the spring.

Still, this whole situation stinks. I read things here, I post here, I get advice here. Then its up to ME make a decision and move forward. Then, I do it all over again. Even though we are all in the same boat, all doing the same things, each situation is different. Our emotions, our households, our work, or finances, even our upbringing and our family members all bring their own unique flavor to this crazy dysfunction we live. We make our best decision and run with it based on what is in front of us. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

All we can hope for is that, somehow, at some point in time, we can feel better on the other side.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Sorry for rambling again... just blowing steam... I know you understand.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

We understand. I blow steam off here everyday, and its more beneficial here than to take it out on those that you don't really want to (ie: your kids) when the one you really want to take it out on is too busy living their new life.

And yes you are the one who ultimetly has to make the decision. All you can do is look at all the facts spread before you and make the best one off of that.

And I would like to think that one day we will feel better.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

reasonable reasonable resonable and so sensible - you never ever sound like your are venting or rambling No1....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

no1...you are so matter-of-fact and clear. Your wife is nervous to meet the OM parents....oh dear! Isn't that grand. 

It makes me ill that someone can be so selfish? Is there no morals nowadays.

You are a good many no1...this will be over soon and you can live in peace and concentrate on those girls full time!!


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Maybe I missed this, but why are you sharing a house still? 

What does this OM think about the fact that the woman he is dating is married and still living with her H?

Not trying to be mean. And maybe I missed your full story.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Thanks for the comments everyone. It does help, really.

mls31 - well, he is in the middle of his divorce too. They met while they were both married. Now, everyone is divorcing so they can be together. If you go back, they are "soulmates..." (yes, being sarcastic...) Honestly, I don't really care what he thinks. He is a chaplain at a local hospice, been married and divorced to the same woman twice, now he has my wife. 

Mostly we are still under the same roof for kids and money reasons. I work on 2nd shift in the auto economy, or whats left of it. Soon, like next week, I will be traveling extensively - 2/3 of the year. Not a great time for a divorce. Anyway, thats the case - kids and money. It would be a fair chunk to move out and pay for child care right now. W is looking for a job, and if things go well tomorrow, that worry wil be behind us, but then we pay for the care. I have been very involved in my kids lives, so i was not ready to get out, or boot her out, since we are both needed anyway. It gets unpleasant at times, but she is just a housemate to me.


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

I am impressed that you can mend/sew your daughter jacket - maybe I can send you a few items I need mended too

It is wonderful that you can enjoy your daughters signing & treasure the time you have with them. You seem to be doing remarkably well making the best of a very unpleasant situation. 
I do hope that you can get things worked out financially with your wife, kids & get this divorce done so you can have some closure soon. 
Living under the same roof with your wife & knowing she is seeing the other man and destroying your marriage - it must be frustrating. But think you summed it up nicely & as realistically as you can - "she is just a housemate". 
Although you will be travelling soon with work & know that you will miss your kids dearly - it might be nice to get away from your wife & be out of that uncomfortable living situation.

Hang in there & Hang tough!!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Did you just say your wife's OM is a chaplain?!? Wow, what an exemplary man of God...(insert sarcasm followed by a long string of name calling explicatives here)

Yeesh just when I thought I heard it all...

Btw they way you talk about your two little adorable daughter's is adorable


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Believer:
Yeah, I'm awesome... I know  Its true, being away is kinda nice in some ways, but when I get home, its hard. I have two days on the weekend to catch up with everything, plus I get dumped on for what has happened during the week. 

Rhea:
Yes, a Chaplain... I don't understand it either. I never put much faith in it but when I looked recently at the zodiac signs, those two are a best match, and she and I are just about as bad as it can get. Makes me wonder if she's right - we were not meant to be together from the start. Oh, thanks for the comments on the girls... not to be a brag, but there are a few pix of them in my profile page. Yes, they are my life.


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