# My wifes secret email address



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

For the last month my wife has been acting very distant and quiet and overall strange. If asking her what was wrong I would get the standard answer, "nothing, I'm fine". Being a little tired of the behavior and feeling suspicious I started looking around her thing and 4 days ago I came across an email address. Being that she uses the same password for everything I logged in and found a serious of extremely sexual emails and photos being sent back and forth between her and another man she'd meet online. She was going by a different name and age and basically seemed to be acting as if she were someone else. I confronted her about this and she swore that she never had any intention of meeting him and that she was doing it to feel like someone wanted her and she claimed that I hadn't been showing her enough attention. I was devastated by all of this. We spent a few days discussing what has gone on and after that time frame she seems full of joy that I've forgiven her and have moved past it. The only thing is, I'm not past it. I don't know how to be. Even though she swears she would never do it again I just don't believe her. We've been together for 2 years and married for only 4 months. How do I get past this? How do I ever trust her again? I have no idea if anything between them would have happened if I hadn't found out...by the emails it seems like they never met even though he kept begging to meet her. In one email she said maybe they could meet in a month. What should I do?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Do not let her know you saw it. Buy atleast 2 vars voice activated recorders velcro 1 in her car first then maybe one in bathroom and/or bedroom. Sorry that you are here and assume it's gone physical with how distant she is. Only married 4 months look at an annulment if you don't want to reconcile.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is having an online affair at four months of marriage.

I'll tell you one thing you should be doing. Monitoring her big time, you need a key logger on the PC and checking her phone bill for texting and calls.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Keylog the PC, yesterday.
Take a calendar: 
Check up the phone bill, since the red flags arised, even further earlier.
Check up the back ac****s, missing time.

Do it all under her back. She's a lier, you can't catch a liar being nice. Nad think about keeping the snooping tools in place for a while.
Then demand fulll transparence, passwords, pins, etc.

Usualy what we catch is just the tip if the icerberg. At least find out how deep is the rabbit hole. Be smart enugh to do it.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Keylog the PC, yesterday.
> Take a calendar:
> Check up the phone bill, since the red flags arised, even further earlier.
> Check up the back ac****s, missing time.
> ...


Keylogger also for the pc


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> For the last month my wife has been acting very distant and quiet and overall strange. If asking her what was wrong I would get the standard answer, "nothing, I'm fine". Being a little tired of the behavior and feeling suspicious I started looking around her thing and 4 days ago I came across an email address. Being that she uses the same password for everything I logged in and found a serious of extremely sexual emails and photos being sent back and forth between her and another man she'd meet online. She was going by a different name and age and basically seemed to be acting as if she were someone else. I confronted her about this and she swore that she never had any intention of meeting him and that she was doing it to feel like someone wanted her and she claimed that I hadn't been showing her enough attention. I was devastated by all of this. We spent a few days discussing what has gone on and after that time frame she seems full of joy that I've forgiven her and have moved past it. The only thing is, I'm not past it. I don't know how to be. Even though she swears she would never do it again I just don't believe her. We've been together for 2 years and married for only 4 months. How do I get past this? How do I ever trust her again? I have no idea if anything between them would have happened if I hadn't found out...by the emails it seems like they never met even though he kept begging to meet her. In one email she said maybe they could meet in a month. What should I do?


Of course you are not past it. This is called "rug sweeping" I have no doubt you still have questions for her, in which she should be required to answer. In order to ever trust her, you need the whole truth.

Now that you know about this, be alert that she may go "underground", which is to say that she will continue this contact, but via other means.

I also note that she was "blame shifting". To make it appear that it's YOUR fault for failing to give her more attention. Careful of that as well. Her activities are solely HER fault.

And, of course, she outright lied to you about not planning on meeting anyone.

Does she have a cell phone? You might want to check on her calls/texts. Put a keylogger on the computer as well. Do not tell her you are doing any of that. It's possible she will find other means to contact and continue with the OM.


----------



## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Is it possible for you to get the marriage annulled? Not to sound harsh but the probability of a woman staying faithful is very very small, especially if she's already indulging in something like this even before the honeymoon period is up let alone waiting for the seven year itch to come.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Monitor? Screw that... 
4 months of marriage and cheating already? No kids? Run from this situation before you waste years in pain dude. 

Not paying enough attention? Are you kidding me? So next time you have a heavy load of work she is going to bang a stranger in a parking lot or something?

Is there something this woman is that you can't find in another woman minus the hoe behavior?


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

What's a good keylogger you guys use?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

:iagree:


costa200 said:


> Monitor? Screw that...
> 4 months of marriage and cheating already? No kids? Run from this situation before you waste years in pain dude.
> 
> Not paying enough attention? Are you kidding me? So next time you have a heavy load of work she is going to bang a stranger in a parking lot or something?
> ...


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

costa200 said:


> Monitor? Screw that...
> 4 months of marriage and cheating already? No kids? Run from this situation before you waste years in pain dude.
> 
> Not paying enough attention? Are you kidding me? So next time you have a heavy load of work she is going to bang a stranger in a parking lot or something?
> ...


Could not agree more:iagree:


----------



## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

You gotta love the excuse that she needed attention but just married this man four months ago.

I am assuming you have no children and have your entire life ahead of you. I cannot think of one good reason to try and work this out but if you want to...

You need evidence. Use the suggestions already posted here and get in gear.

You need to be patient since you already busted her once. It could take awhile for her to start her crap up again.


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

If you check phone record's and run a recovory program.
It would not suprise me if this ha been going on for a long time..


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I'm sorry, but 4 months in and she's doing this?

Run. Run for the hills. Run like Forrest Gump. Do not pass go. Don't collect £200 or $200 or 200 of wherever you live.

I know this sounds harsh but surely this is a bad sign. You should still be infatuated with one another - not sending pictures and sexual suggestions to another party.

Cheating so early on in a marriage is a massively bad sign. Read up about it.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Missed the newly wed but.
Yeah, run, Forrest run!


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Monitor? Screw that...
> 4 months of marriage and cheating already? No kids? Run from this situation before you waste years in pain dude.
> 
> Not paying enough attention? Are you kidding me? So next time you have a heavy load of work she is going to bang a stranger in a parking lot or something?
> ...


:iagree:

I stand corrected. I didn't realize they were newlyweds until I read the first post again.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Look dude, I know you want answers and solutions, but 4 months! Yikes!
Imagine you weren't you and somebody was telling you about this.
What would be your advice?
Personally I would at least look at getting the paperwork for annulment sorted.
If she really really wants to remain married look at some sort of post nup agreement.


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Dewayne76 said:


> What's a good keylogger you guys use?


What operating system do you use?


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Windows 7 mostly.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

anyone interested in evidence gathering thread?


----------



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

She has three kids from a previous marriage. Her ex husband cheated on her and she's always talked about how she hates cheaters. She has serious self confidence issues. I have a strange feeling she's addicted to sex. Though normally I wouldn't mind, or would any man, but it seems a little over the top. It's like she's using sex simply to feel better about herself. She's now wanting to have sex non stop as a way to prove to me that she loves me. We've known each other for years before dating and getting married and I had no idea she had this side to her. She's never expressed to me what she had written in those emails. I have checked her phone and found nothing. I was unaware of keylogger but now that I am aware I may just use it.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> She has three kids from a previous marriage. Her ex husband cheated on her and she's always talked about how she hates cheaters. She has serious self confidence issues. I have a strange feeling she's addicted to sex. Though normally I wouldn't mind, or would any man, but it seems a little over the top. It's like she's using sex simply to feel better about herself. She's now wanting to have sex non stop as a way to prove to me that she loves me. We've known each other for years before dating and getting married and I had no idea she had this side to her. She's never expressed to me what she had written in those emails. I have checked her phone and found nothing. I was unaware of keylogger but now that I am aware I may just use it.


Or maybe she wants sex a lot from you so that she can get pregnant again and lock you into this marriage to help support her and her other children, so she could continue cheating while you put a roof over her head. As for proving she loves you, I'm seeing manipulation and not love. Food for thought.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Or maybe she wants sex a lot from you so that she can get pregnant again and lock you into this marriage to help support her and her other children, so she could continue cheating while you put a roof over her head. As for proving she loves you, I'm seeing manipulation and not love. Food for thought.


Oh God please don't get her pregnant get out I'm sorry nothing to salvage here you'll be better for it!


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

chitown74 said:


> She has three kids from a previous marriage.* Her ex husband cheated on her and she's always talked about how she hates cheaters.*Oh man,this just made things worser. re read this bolded ,again and again..
> 
> 
> She has serious self confidence issues. *I have a strange feeling she's addicted to sex.* No she does not..You would have noticed that by now.
> ...


----------



## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

I feel sorry for her kids. And i feel sorry for you.

The best thing you can do for yourself here is bail. Her problems are too great for any healthy relationship to sustain and she doesn't seem one bit interested in fixing them. Unfortunately, people like her don't wake up (IF they wake up), until they lose it.

Also, forgive me, but I'm skeptical of the "I hate cheaters, I was cheated on" line as a defense. My serial cheating ex used it on me. Told me his first two wives cheated on him. Turns out, no, he was a serial cheater and cheated on them, and me, and women after me. (He also goes around telling people our marriage ended because I cheated on him. Classy.)

Anyway, my point is, cheater lie. They lie BIG. 

She blame shifted this to you, with the crap your'e not giving her enough attention. What? Taking on three kids and walking down the aisle and having a busy sex life isn't ENOUGH attention? She's got huge issues. 

I know it's painful, but get out before you're more deeply invested. She's a train wreck and if you stay with her, she'll take you down with her. And it will just get harder to leave -- you'll have more years and more investment. And yes, please use birth control and don't get her pregnant!


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Of course you are not past it. This is called "rug sweeping"


Sorry to hear your wife was involved in a EA quasi PA.

Let the rain of consequences fall upon her. 4 months into your marriage? I would question the dedication and commitment she EVER had if it was as short as 4 months? 

You are supposed to still be in the "honeymoon stages" of love. Not even yet into evolving into agape and this is happening?

You have a decision to make, it may seem hard but whatever you choose, see that you must work even harder.

1. Do not rug sweep, R and keep verifying that your wife stays transparent for, who knows how long. She has had/felt the high of possible outings with a stranger / OM. Who knows what an addict can do. You may have to babysit for a while or end up in the same place, but reconciliation is possible, do not rug sweep.

2. Divorce , null, this marriage. Its early, 4 months is crazy to be entertaining the ideas of cheating on your husband. If your wife wants to live the single life let her do so as that, single, not married to you because you will NOT tolerate being a cuckold. Throw the trash where it belongs, detach do not receive sex, it clouds your mind, move on, find a real catch.


Sorry, it snot your fault.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> She has three kids from a previous marriage.


Alright, that explains it a bit. She needed a daddy... Anyone with a job would do... 

Sorry man, but i'm guessing she has you as a worker drone while she has fun in other ways. 



> Her ex husband cheated on her


Are you sure that was what went down?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Alright, that explains it a bit. She needed a daddy... Anyone with a job would do...
> 
> Sorry man, but i'm guessing she has you as a worker drone while she has fun in other ways.
> 
> ...


Or was it the other way aroundIt would be nice to get his side of the story.


----------



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

No, I'm not sure that's how her previous marriage went down. I do though have her ex husbands email address. Maybe I should ask him?


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Your wife is addicted to the attention of men. Not just you, but any man she is in contact with. She will always flirt a little with any man to see if they are interested. If they return the attention she will be all in and continue to take it deeper and deeper until they are pushing for a meet in person. No man is going to hang around forever and not get sex, so sooner or latter she is going to do it.

The price that a woman pays for attention and validation is sex.

Annulment - ASAP.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> No, I'm not sure that's how her previous marriage went down. I do though have her ex husbands email address. Maybe I should ask him?


It can't hurt, can it? Are you sure you want to know?


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm going to have to agree with everyone else here and say that it's time for you to go, before she gives you Kid #4. (didn't you do your homework on her before you married her?) But first. a couple more things I would do if I were you.

1. Change the password of the secret e-mail account that she had so she can't access it.

2. Down load to either a flash drive or to the cloud all the mail content, photos and videos you found. You will need this to protect yourself and to expose.


----------



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

I personally deleted the email account. I also created my own fake email account and emailed the man she was talking to to inform him that she's been busted. I also have his name, cell phone number and place of employment since he was so willing to tell my wife about himself. Before deleting the account I copied every email and saved every picture to another email account i have that she doesn't have access to. There is a huge part of me that wants to save my marriage. I love this woman, it's the reason i asked her to marry me. I'm very conflicted.


----------



## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

chitown74 said:


> I personally deleted the email account. I also created my own fake email account and emailed the man she was talking to to inform him that she's been busted. I also have his name, cell phone number and place of employment since he was so willing to tell my wife about himself. Before deleting the account I copied every email and saved every picture to another email account i have that she doesn't have access to. There is a huge part of me that wants to save my marriage. I love this woman, it's the reason i asked her to marry me. I'm very conflicted.


I'm sure you are. 4 mos in though......that's a lot of years ahead of you to be worried. If you decide to stay you need to drill her for info. Don't take no for an answer. The ball is in your court man.


----------



## fortheloveofit2 (Oct 1, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> For the last month my wife has been acting very distant and quiet and overall strange. If asking her what was wrong I would get the standard answer, "nothing, I'm fine". Being a little tired of the behavior and feeling suspicious I started looking around her thing and 4 days ago I came across an email address. Being that she uses the same password for everything I logged in and found a serious of extremely sexual emails and photos being sent back and forth between her and another man she'd meet online. She was going by a different name and age and basically seemed to be acting as if she were someone else. I confronted her about this and she swore that she never had any intention of meeting him and that she was doing it to feel like someone wanted her and she claimed that I hadn't been showing her enough attention. I was devastated by all of this. We spent a few days discussing what has gone on and after that time frame she seems full of joy that I've forgiven her and have moved past it. The only thing is, I'm not past it. I don't know how to be. Even though she swears she would never do it again I just don't believe her. We've been together for 2 years and married for only 4 months. How do I get past this? How do I ever trust her again? I have no idea if anything between them would have happened if I hadn't found out...by the emails it seems like they never met even though he kept begging to meet her. In one email she said maybe they could meet in a month. What should I do?


This might be a little off, but I suggest joining her in the email games. This might bring a different kind of connection between you two. The goal is to reconnect find that thing that will bring the love back. MAKE IT WORK


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> I personally deleted the email account. I also created my own fake email account and emailed the man she was talking to to inform him that she's been busted. I also have his name, cell phone number and place of employment since he was so willing to tell my wife about himself. Before deleting the account I copied every email and saved every picture to another email account i have that she doesn't have access to. There is a huge part of me that wants to save my marriage. I love this woman, it's the reason i asked her to marry me. I'm very conflicted.


Well you certainly did the right thing with the e-mail account, good work. I understand the "I love her" part of what you are saying but her past history and issues, as you described them, are negatively overwhelming. What most of us are saying is that if you stay with her now, we feel you are going to be going through this a few more times in the not to distant future. Getting out now before you become further committed financially and otherwise. This might be your best course of action.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

What are the divorce annulment laws where you live. Are you liable in some manner now for the three children from the previous marriage.
If you annul quickly citing adultery do you suffer any financial penalty.
As somebody else pointed out she may be trying to drag you in by getting pregnant or by sucking the blood from your big head to your little head to get over the time limit for a simple annulment.


----------



## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> I personally deleted the email account. I also created my own fake email account and emailed the man she was talking to to inform him that she's been busted. I also have his name, cell phone number and place of employment since he was so willing to tell my wife about himself. Before deleting the account I copied every email and saved every picture to another email account i have that she doesn't have access to. There is a huge part of me that wants to save my marriage. I love this woman, it's the reason i asked her to marry me. I'm very conflicted.


Well, okay...you love her. But you do realize that you're going to have to be a private investigator for a long, long time, right?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> What are the divorce annulment laws where you live. Are you liable in some manner now for the three children from the previous marriage.
> If you annul quickly citing adultery do you suffer any financial penalty.
> As somebody else pointed out she may be trying to drag you in by getting pregnant or by sucking the blood from your big head to your little head to get over the time limit for a simple annulment.


Usually if it's before a year you can get an annulment but get legal advice now and know your options! Do you know if she was ever sexually abused?


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

run out of that marriage like forest gump!!!!!!!!!!


you will regret it if you don't.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry but I would bail on this chick

She's already cheating on you in the 2 years you've been together, never mind the fact that you've only been married 4 months!

EJECT! EJECT! EJECT while you still have your personal property intact!!!


----------



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

She actually has a IUD (Intrauterine Device) that according to her doctor is 99 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. I was with her when she had the procedure done so I know that's not a lie.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

An IUD will not protect against an STD.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

chitown74 said:


> She actually has a IUD (Intrauterine Device) that according to her doctor is 99 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. I was with her when she had the procedure done so I know that's not a lie.


You will never know when she will have that taken out.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

You love her, and you show it through your actions.

Does she love you? Does she show it through her actions...


----------



## chitown74 (Oct 8, 2012)

you all have very valid points...


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> She has three kids from a previous marriage. Her ex husband cheated on her and she's always talked about how she hates cheaters. She has serious self confidence issues. I have a strange feeling she's addicted to sex. Though normally I wouldn't mind, or would any man, but it seems a little over the top. It's like she's using sex simply to feel better about herself. She's now wanting to have sex non stop as a way to prove to me that she loves me. We've known each other for years before dating and getting married and I had no idea she had this side to her. She's never expressed to me what she had written in those emails. I have checked her phone and found nothing. I was unaware of keylogger but now that I am aware I may just use it.


Betrayed spouse here. 

I was cheated on years ago, by a boyfriend in an agreed upon exclusive relationship. 

I dumped him right away because I had nothing invested. 

My STBEH husband cheated recently. We were married 20 years. 

I never mentioned that I hated cheaters to my husband, it was not on my mind. I mentioned the situation and the fact that I dumped said boyfriend, and that was explanation enough and indication I did not approve of cheaters.

If it came up in our social circle, I would make it known that I did not think cheating was right, but I never went around exclaiming that I hated cheaters, did you?

IMO, when someone keeps bringing up the topic of cheating, when you have done nothing suspicious, it means it's on their minds too much. 

She may well be addicted to sex due to watching too much internet porn. 

Studies show internet porn does lead to sex addictions and it's on the rise among both men and women.


----------



## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

> I suggest joining her in the email games. This might bring a different kind of connection between you two. The goal is to reconnect find that thing that will bring the love back. MAKE IT WORK


You have GOT to be kidding. This presupposes that they LOST something and need to "bring the love back." AFTER FOUR MONTHS? The guy is a newlywed! 

His problem isn't that he's not shoveling enough ego kibbles Ego Kibbles at him. The problem is she's got a hole in her soul to be doing this to him. 

It's not his job to fix her or "try harder" at the connection. His job is to draw boundaries around bad behavior and be vigilant. 

His wife needs to be upping HER game to win HIM back, and make this right. I don't see that. I see blame shifting and rug sweeping and entitlement.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And she magically felt the desire to cheat at... month four? Or was it month one? Or two? Or T minus one year? Two years?

You are in a horrid situation.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

chumplady said:


> You have GOT to be kidding. This presupposes that they LOST something and need to "bring the love back." AFTER FOUR MONTHS? The guy is a newlywed!
> 
> His problem isn't that he's not shoveling enough ego kibbles Ego Kibbles at him. The problem is she's got a hole in her soul to be doing this to him.
> 
> ...


100pct correct:iagree:


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

chitown74 said:


> ... I have a strange feeling she's addicted to sex. ... but it seems a little over the top,,,


A little over the top? A LITTLE!? 
Are you still in shock?

Of course she wants to show you her love with non-stop sex. She's reining you in and keeping you off balance and at bay.

You're still on your honeymoon for xhrist's sake! Whats going to happen in 3 years when the kids get on her nerves and you're busting your buttt at work so much that you can't afford to adore her 14 hrs/day? Do you want to be the internet police? have a PI on retainer? Buddy it's your life and you'll earn much karma in another life by staying by this woman in this life.


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

chitown74 said:


> I personally deleted the email account. I also created my own fake email account and emailed the man she was talking to to inform him that she's been busted. I also have his name, cell phone number and place of employment since he was so willing to tell my wife about himself. Before deleting the account I copied every email and saved every picture to another email account i have that she doesn't have access to. There is a huge part of me that wants to save my marriage. I love this woman, it's the reason i asked her to marry me. I'm very conflicted.


You can play warden until the day you die. And yes you will always check up on her for the rest of your life. My wife does it once in a while but she tells me she needs to update my phone or she had someone e-mail something to my e-mail so she needs to get it. Whatever, check all you want.

Or you can find someone who you can trust and won't have to monitor like a prisoner. It's up to you, if your love is strong enough for you to drive away all doubts in the back of your mind then stay with her.

BTW, now that she's giving you sex up the ying yang I just have a quick question...

Was your sex life like this before the affair or not? If it wasn't like this before, you're in deep *bleep*.


----------

