# Recently divorced but missing my ex wife



## Fam06

*Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.*

So here's my story. Was married for little over 2yrs. Together for 6 years. We've shared a lot of great memories. Been through are fair share of ups and downs. We both don't do drugs and sober. We've traveled out of the country and across the country and live life to the fullest. She is my soulmate my best friend and my everything. She has always got my back if I needed her. We have stayed truthful and loyal to one another.
Well about year and half ago we had our first child, son. Born premature and spent 180days in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My wife had endured a lot in that pregnancy. Lots of stress in that period. Well not long after our son came home, about 2 months, my wife was pregnant again. Long story short, we lost our second child and devastated. 
This ordeal started the decline of our marriage. Lots of blaming and arguments etc... She said I was not there emotionally for her in time of need. I thought I was but I take responsibility for all my flaws. I regrettably blamed her for the loss of our child out of anger and during an argument. YES, that was a low blow and I sincerel apologized to her about my comment. She sadly has not forgiven me and rightfully so. Not long after in October last year decided to file for divorce and served with papers after I dared her. Yes I'm an idiot thinking she wouldn't do it but she did. But shortly after reconcile and had a great Christmas holiday with few arguments in between. 
New year was different and saw a decline again in the marriage. One of our recent argument, I called her out and said to her to finish and make the divorce final. I just said it thinking she still love me and wouldn't do it,Well guess what, she did. So after getting home the other day she told me she's moving out of state with our son. 
As you can imagine, I'm devastated. Hurt and lost and betrayed. I helped her pack her thing in a trailer, spent the day with her and our son. We talked about about our life and situation and what are plans are etc. all the while I'm heartbroken to know they are leaving later that night. 
She says time will tell. I asked her if it was ok for me to cling on "hope" and possibly reunited again as a family, she says yes. She also said nothing is for sure at this point. She just wants to figure herself out and time will tell. 
Its been about a day now since they left and I feel like crap. Lots of emotions right now and deservedly so. Btw she had left me before for about a week to her parents before we got married with kids. She returned because she misses and loves me. 
Back to my story. I know I gotta giver her space and as I'm typing this I got a text message that she wants to skype. Should I just ignore her for now. I'm confused. I simply want her back with our son and be a family again. I am far from perfect. What should I do or don't do to win her back? Will I ever gain her trust and get her back? Women encouraged to respond and would like their insight. Thanks


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## parker

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Suck painful events in a short time frame. Unfortunately words like the ones you said to your wife cut like a knife.


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## parker

Such


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## GusPolinski

*Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.*



Fam06 said:


> So here's my story. Was married for little over 2yrs. Together for 6 years. We've shared a lot of great memories. Been through are fair share of ups and downs. We both don't do drugs and sober. We've traveled out of the country and across the country and live life to the fullest. She is my soulmate my best friend and my everything. She has always got my back if I needed her. We have stayed truthful and loyal to one another.
> Well about year and half ago we had our first child, son. Born premature and spent 180days in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My wife had endured a lot in that pregnancy. Lots of stress in that period. Well not long after our son came home, about 2 months, my wife was pregnant again. Long story short, we lost our second child and devastated.
> This ordeal started the decline of our marriage. Lots of blaming and arguments etc... She said I was not there emotionally for her in time of need. I thought I was but I take responsibility for all my flaws. I regrettably blamed her for the loss of our child out of anger and during an argument. YES, that was a low blow and I sincerel apologized to her about my comment. She sadly has not forgiven me and rightfully so. Not long after in October last year decided to file for divorce and served with papers after I dared her. Yes I'm an idiot thinking she wouldn't do it but she did. But shortly after reconcile and had a great Christmas holiday with few arguments in between.
> New year was different and saw a decline again in the marriage. One of our recent argument, I called her out and said to her to finish and make the divorce final. I just said it thinking she still love me and wouldn't do it,Well guess what, she did. So after getting home the other day she told me she's moving out of state with our son.
> As you can imagine, I'm devastated. Hurt and lost and betrayed. I helped her pack her thing in a trailer, spent the day with her and our son. We talked about about our life and situation and what are plans are etc. all the while I'm heartbroken to know they are leaving later that night.
> She says time will tell. I asked her if it was ok for me to cling on "hope" and possibly reunited again as a family, she says yes. She also said nothing is for sure at this point. She just wants to figure herself out and time will tell.
> Its been about a day now since they left and I feel like crap. Lots of emotions right now and deservedly so. Btw she had left me before for about a week to her parents before we got married with kids. She returned because she misses and loves me.
> Back to my story. I know I gotta giver her space and as I'm typing this I got a text message that she wants to skype. Should I just ignore her for now. I'm confused. I simply want her back with our son and be a family again. I am far from perfect. What should I do or don't do to win her back? Will I ever gain her trust and get her back? Women encouraged to respond and would like their insight. Thanks


Some thoughts...

1) If you want your wife and family back then _of course_ you should *NOT* ignore her. F*cking DUH. Give her space, but eagerly welcome every opportunity to talk and/or spend time w/ your wife and son.

2) Grow the f*ck up and stop daring her to do things. Hell... I'd be willing to bet that that's easily 50% of your problem.

3) Oh... and, just because it seems like you may very well be _that_ clueless, I'll just come out and say it...

No girlfriends. No NSA/FWB relationships. No other women. Period. Not if you want your wife and family back, anyway.


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## the guy

Why did you let your son go so easily?

Granted my ol lady could go were ever the hell she wanted to go, but taking *my* boy would be out of the phucking question!


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## Fam06

parker said:


> I'm sorry that this happened to you. Suck painful events in a short time frame. Unfortunately words like the ones you said to your wife cut like a knife.


Thanks. Completely understood the hurtful words that I said but i simply was in the heat of the moment. I have to live with it. 
I hope she will eventually forgive me.


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## Fam06

*Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.*



GusPolinski said:


> Some thoughts...
> 
> 1) If you want your wife and family back then _of course_ you should *NOT* ignore her. F*cking DUH. Give her space, but eagerly welcome every opportunity to talk and/or spend time w/ your wife and son.
> 
> 2) Grow the f*ck up and stop daring her to do things. Hell... I'd be willing to bet that that's easily 50% of your problem.
> 
> 3) Oh... and, just because it seems like you may very well be _that_ clueless, I'll just come out and say it...
> 
> No girlfriends. No NSA/FWB relationships. No other women. Period. Not if you want your wife and family back, anyway.


Thanks for being real. Sounds like what my friends are saying. 
I've definitely gonna return her text. Keeping it short and simple. 
I realized how stupid I am for daring her. Guess I'm pretty naive. 
Dating etc.. Is the least of my concerns right now. I simply don't want to jeopardize any chances.


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## Fam06

the guy said:


> Why did you let your son go so easily?
> 
> Granted my ol lady could go were ever the hell she wanted to go, but taking *my* boy would be out of the phucking question!


Good question. Long story short, after my wife had file for divorce and after being served. I was told to respond at a certain time to the courts. Well I didn't. Time had expired but my wife and I had already reconciled but soon after the holidays it changed for the worse. 
Regarding my original post, after I had stupidly ask her to finish the divorce is when she, I think, decided to proceed. 
When she told me the bad news about the divorce and moving out of state with my son, I said she couldn't take our son and her answer was, "the divorce went into default". Meaning all her request from the filling was basically met. Yup, got screwed but it's my own responsibilty and being too naive about the situation. 
Yes I admitted that it's my fault. 
I spoke with an attorney which they said will be a hard but doable battle to fight against the issue of why I didn't respond to the divorce. It's a battle I can't afford right now and in all honestly, I would not want to put ex wife our son through more crap. I simply want my family back and going this extreme will further push them away.


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## LongWalk

What caused the death of your second child? Why did you blame her even in anger?


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## Fam06

LongWalk said:


> What caused the death of your second child? Why did you blame her even in anger?


After discovering from the 1st baby that she had medical issue with the thinning of her cervix, the doctors told us then to wait fo at least 6mon to a year before having more. Obviously that didn't happen and soon after the first baby came home that she was pregnant again. 
We new that the second was prolly going to go through the same issue as the first baby. 
So after 26 wks with again all exhaustion from the Dr's etc.. They couldn't save our second baby again due to her medical issue. 
Like I mentioned before, I think this made her spiral down hill and rightfully so. My problem from her was I wasn't there emotionally through it. 
I didn't blame her literally, it was simply heat of the moment and idiotic comment that I knew would push her buttons. It worked and now I'm paying for it.


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## the guy

I have done plenty of stupid shyt in my day, but what I do know is I have learned from my phuck ups and work real hard not to let those phuck ups define me.

A guy has to dust off and get back in the game and not let shyt define ones self.

Some of the hardest shyt in life that we have to deal with bring the greatest rewards....never back down from a challenge and never say shyt you don't mean.

Next time some chick throws you a challenge take them up on it and over come it....it's sexy as shyt and chicks dig confident guys.


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## FormerVictim

How old are you both?

You sound like a pretty angry guy.

What was your childhood like?


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## Fam06

the guy said:


> I have done plenty of stupid shyt in my day, but what I do know is I have learned from my phuck ups and work real hard not to let those phuck ups define me.
> 
> A guy has to dust off and get back in the game and not let shyt define ones self.
> 
> Some of the hardest shyt in life that we have to deal with bring the greatest rewards....never back down from a challenge and never say shyt you don't mean.
> 
> Next time some chick throws you a challenge take them up on it and over come it....it's sexy as shyt and chicks dig confident guys.


Thanks for the advice. 
I am for sure learning from my screw ups. Unfortunately I had to learn it the hard way. 
I'm trying to keep it together but it's still fresh. Time will get this confident back that I need for sure.


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## the guy

They wouldn't be 'screw ups" if it wasn't "the hard way"......

You will get through it...we all get through the bull crap in life.


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## the guy

Now if i burn my wings ...that will be some hard shyt to get through!


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## Fam06

FormerVictim said:


> How old are you both?
> 
> You sound like a pretty angry guy.
> 
> What was your childhood like?


39 yrs and she's 29. 
I admit I get angry and short tempered. I don't go punching holes in the wall or anything. Sometimes I feel like she puts me in a "corner" and I would defend my self verbally. 
Her parents always said to my wife that her mouth always get her in trouble. 
So when in the heat of the moment there are harsh words said to one another and I regrettably would love to have those back. 
Like I said in my other post, I take full responsibility for the mess I'm in now. I should've pick my battles right. 

My childhood was a traditional, if you screw up you get a whopping. Nowadays they call it child abuse. 
Parents stll happily married for I belive over 35 yrs.


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## Fam06

the guy said:


> They wouldn't be 'screw ups" if it wasn't "the hard way"......
> 
> You will get through it...we all get through the bull crap in life.


I appreciated. 
Regarding your other post, don't go burning your wings. Lol


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## FormerVictim

Fam06 said:


> 39 yrs and she's 29.
> I admit I get angry and short tempered. I don't go punching holes in the wall or anything. Sometimes I feel like she puts me in a "corner" and I would defend my self verbally.
> Her parents always said to my wife that her mouth always get her in trouble.
> So when in the heat of the moment there are harsh words said to one another and I regrettably would love to have those back.
> Like I said in my other post, I take full responsibility for the mess I'm in now. I should've pick my battles right.
> 
> My childhood was a traditional, if you screw up you get a whopping. Nowadays they call it child abuse.
> Parents stll happily married for I belive over 35 yrs.


Is your anger and short temper "after" you hold things in for awhile as they build up?

Good relationship with your mom when you were young? Did you work to put a smile on her face?


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## GusPolinski

*Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.*



Fam06 said:


> Thanks for being real. Sounds like what my friends are saying.


Listen to your friends. And you're welcome.



Fam06 said:


> I've definitely gonna return her text. Keeping it short and simple.


Short and simple is fine, but be sure to make it _very_ clear to her that you *WANT* to spend time w/ them. So, instead of replying w/ simply "Yes", instead try "Yes, thank you. I'd love that."

After all, if there is _any_ merit to her comments w/ respect to you previously being "emotionally unavailable" (and, given what you've posted, it sounds like there may very well be), now isn't the time to pull a "Mr. Data" on her.



Fam06 said:


> I realized how stupid I am for daring her. Guess I'm pretty naive.


Yeah... it would be best for you to put a stop to that. 



Fam06 said:


> Dating etc.. Is the least of my concerns right now. I simply don't want to jeopardize any chances.


That's good.


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## Fam06

FormerVictim said:


> Is your anger and short temper "after" you hold things in for awhile as they build up?
> 
> Good relationship with your mom when you were young? Did you work to put a smile on her face?


No I don't hold thing in, I'm the type that would let you know right away. I changed most of my ways and came a long way since she mentioned her issues but at times it slips and I'm far from perfect at it. 
I admit fault but the other issue I have for her is seeking help. I and most of my family suspect that she could be suffering from post partum depression in which when approached with the possibility, she got upset and denies having it and always putting the blame on me for her misery and unhappiness etc..

I have a good relationship with my mom. We've had our fair share of disagreements but for the most part, I love her and she's my rock.


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## Fam06

*Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.*



GusPolinski said:


> Listen to your friends. And you're welcome.
> 
> 
> 
> Short and simple is fine, but be sure to make it _very_ clear to her that you *WANT* to spend time w/ them. So, instead of replying w/ simply "Yes", instead try "Yes, thank you. I'd love that."
> 
> After all, if there is _any_ merit to her comments w/ respect to you previously being "emotionally unavailable" (and, given what you've posted, it sounds like there may very well be), now isn't the time to pull a "Mr. Data" on her.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah... it would be best for you to put a stop to that.
> 
> 
> 
> That's good.


Thanks for the advice.
I like to think I'm a manly man but when it come to my woman, im a puppy dog wagging his tail and tongue sticking out. Lol
I love and miss her and our son dearly and I will do what I need to do to fix me and get her back.


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## PBear

My thoughts... Your best best is to focus on fixing yourself. You say you're learning from your mistakes and taking responsibility, but I really don't get that sense from your posts. You ignored your way to letting your son move away from you, but also want to blame things on your wife's post partum depression.

Get into counseling for yourself, and maybe your wife will see changes that change her mind.

C


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## Fam06

PBear said:


> My thoughts... Your best best is to focus on fixing yourself. You say you're learning from your mistakes and taking responsibility, but I really don't get that sense from your posts. You ignored your way to letting your son move away from you, but also want to blame things on your wife's post partum depression.
> 
> Get into counseling for yourself, and maybe your wife will see changes that change her mind.
> 
> C


Simply was being naive and never thought she would finishe the divorce and leave with my son. Again I've already taken those steps and I had already in joined group to cope with my stupidity, anger, etc.. Which I admit I have. 
I'm far from perfect. There is lots of work to be done to fix myself going forward. Any future attempts for reconciliation will be attempted once I "fixed" my issues. For now I'm giving her space. 

I simply wanted her to talk to a dr about the "possibility" that she might have the depression. She declined with anger etc.. And said she doesn't have it and that I am the root of her issues. I admittedly acknowledged that I am part of the problem. Not all. 
It takes two to fix our problems. Just saying


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## commonsenseisn't

This "heat of the moment" stuff is magnifying your immaturity and creating instability in the relationship. Most people crave stability from their spouses and when served volatility instead they react as if dosed with a shot of marriage repellant. 

Use your time away from her to work on your relationship skills so you can prove to her that you are stable even when she sh!t tests you. You will have to prove to her that you can be her rock and that, my friend, will be attractive to her. 

I'm not saying that you become a gutless wimp, but that you should change your responses to adversity in the marriage. Read Married Mans Sex Life Primer for some tips on this skill set. Good luck.


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## Fam06

commonsenseisn't said:


> This "heat of the moment" stuff is magnifying your immaturity and creating instability in the relationship. Most people crave stability from their spouses and when served volatility instead they react as if dosed with a shot of marriage repellant.
> 
> Use your time away from her to work on your relationship skills so you can prove to her that you are stable even when she sh!t tests you. You will have to prove to her that you can be her rock and that, my friend, will be attractive to her.
> 
> I'm not saying that you become a gutless wimp, but that you should change your responses to adversity in the marriage. Read Married Mans Sex Life Primer for some tips on this skill set. Good luck.



I am doing everything I can to fix my issues and to be that better person. She is my rock and I won't let her down again, if we reconciled. 
Thanks for your advice


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## Stillasamountain

Fam06 said:


> I am doing everything I can to fix my issues and to be that better person. She is my rock and I won't let her down again, if we reconciled.
> 
> Thanks for your advice



You should be HER rock, not the other way around. Works better that way. Second the MMSLP reco above for more details on why.


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## Fam06

Stillasamountain said:


> You should be HER rock, not the other way around. Works better that way. Second the MMSLP reco above for more details on why.


You're right I am her rock, her protector and all that. Now this is REALLY my wake up call, I won't screw up any opportunity she gives me. 

MMSLP? Enlighten me


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## commonsenseisn't

Fam06 said:


> MMSLP? Enlighten me


Married Mans Sex Life Primer by Atol Kay.

Considered to be a bible on this forum for teaching men to be men. And rightfully so.


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## GusPolinski

commonsenseisn't said:


> Married Mans Sex Life Primer by Atol Kay.
> 
> *Considered to be a bible on this forum for teaching men to be men.* And rightfully so.


...and *without* being unnecessarily d*ckish.


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## Fam06

commonsenseisn't said:


> Married Mans Sex Life Primer by Atol Kay.
> 
> Considered to be a bible on this forum for teaching men to be men. And rightfully so.


It takes this wake up call to realize, I need to be a man and be there for my woman, regardless.


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## LongWalk

Are you making progress?


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