# I'm developing a relationship with a woman here...



## volumetricSplatting (Jan 12, 2011)

Last month, I met someone through their posts on this site. We were both going through really similar situations and we found strength and comfort through talking with each other.

We've continued to talk daily, we both really look forward to hearing from each other. We feel like we have both helped each other heal tremendously.

We are living quite far from each other at the moment, but I really want to meet her. We are planning to get together in the next couple weeks. I have the ability and desire to relocate, and I really want to give this a shot.

She is older than me, by 11 years. This doesn't bother me though, as I feel we have really connected and the level of maturity is very appealing to me.

Has anyone here had any experience meeting and connecting with people through the internet? Any advice or thoughts on my situation?

Thank you!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

funny, some of my best friends I've met through internet forums...which lead me to sitting in front of the computer drinking and talking to those friends, which lead to a deeper void between my wife and I...which lead to her leaving...which lead to me being here...so, I'd say I've had mixed results...

These friends I've met have been through hunting/fishing forums...we're not out to win hearts, just have fun...here, we are out to win our hearts back...

I think no matter where you find friends, we all need more of them...


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## MAdadof1 (Jan 10, 2011)

DjF said:


> funny, some of my best friends I've met through internet forums...which lead me to sitting in front of the computer drinking and talking to those friends, which lead to a deeper void between my wife and I...which lead to her leaving...which lead to me being here....


Do you have cause and effect mixed up? Perhaps you sought friends on the internet because of the void in your marriage. Personally things got pretty bad in my marriage before I felt I needed to 'talk' to someone about it. It's difficult turning to 'real world' friends, since they know both of us. Also they simply don't have the experience base that I need, but is quite easy to find on the internet with targeted forums such as this, where people have gone through similar experiences and have great insights to share.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

MAdadof1 said:


> Do you have cause and effect mixed up? Perhaps you sought friends on the internet because of the void in your marriage. Personally things got pretty bad in my marriage before I felt I needed to 'talk' to someone about it. It's difficult turning to 'real world' friends, since they know both of us. Also they simply don't have the experience base that I need, but is quite easy to find on the internet with targeted forums such as this, where people have gone through similar experiences and have great insights to share.


obviously it's more twisted than my original statement...spending more time being parents than husband and wife, different interest...careers taking too much out of us...gots lots of work to do to set things right, but we are working on it...

You have to be careful meeting people over the internet...obviously here, we can pretend to be whatever we want to be...we can think out the words we type rather than just blurting them out...

I wish you volumetricSplatting the best of luck!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Unless you are both divorced or separated with no chance of reconciliation, I think it's a bad idea.
After all, why are most of us here? To try to work out problems in our marriages.
I don't see how entering into a relationship with someone that you met looking for relationship advice can be a good thing.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

DanF said:


> Unless you are both divorced or separated with no chance of reconciliation, I think it's a bad idea.
> After all, why are most of us here? To try to work out problems in our marriages.
> I don't see how entering into a relationship with someone that you met looking for relationship advice can be a good thing.


:iagree:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...n/1636-healthy-boundaries-support-forums.html

[click above link]


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## volumetricSplatting (Jan 12, 2011)

DanF said:


> Unless you are both divorced or separated with no chance of reconciliation, I think it's a bad idea.
> After all, why are most of us here? To try to work out problems in our marriages.
> I don't see how entering into a relationship with someone that you met looking for relationship advice can be a good thing.


Understood, and that is the case, we are both separated without chance of reconciliation... I probably should have mentioned that huh


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

volumetricSplatting said:


> Understood, and that is the case, we are both separated without chance of reconciliation... I probably should have mentioned that huh


In that case it likely won't do any more damage, but understand that it is probably a "rebound" relationship.
Sorry, VS, but I don't put much faith in it.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I think it could be a positive experience. 

Finding comfort in someone who is experiencing a similiar situation can be positive. It's nice that you have made a connection with someone who has an understanding as to what you are going through. I wish you luck, Kim


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## laurad121 (Dec 31, 2010)

Just want to share my story to warn you of what can happen. I developed a friendship with a man in real life. We met through a mutual friend. We are both separated. He said in his situation that there was no chance of reconciliation. We became involved romantically and I developed a real friendship and feelings for him. After two months he stopped calling and texting as much. I asked him why and he said his wife wants to try again so he can no longer be involved with me on any level. I was devestated. So to me it is better to wait until you are both divorced and if you still want to meet go ahead. This just happened recently to me and it really sent me into a tailspin. I am starting to heal but really could have done without this pain on top of the separation and impending divorce....


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

I don't think everyone's catching on. This isn't just a friendship; you're both probably married and this is an Emotional Affair. I'd be real careful; I know it can be really nice to have feelings you haven't had in a long time, but I don't think these types of relationships usually work out. The foundation that you cheated on someone else to be together is not a strong one. How can you each trust that the other won't do that again in the future to you? Also, have you seen multiple pictures? Do you know that you have physical attraction? Chances are you'll be surprised when you meet or see the picture and one of you will be disappointed. Try to keep it as just friends and stop pursuing this as a romantic relationship.


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## volumetricSplatting (Jan 12, 2011)

HoopsFan said:


> I don't think everyone's catching on. This isn't just a friendship; you're both probably married and this is an Emotional Affair. I'd be real careful; I know it can be really nice to have feelings you haven't had in a long time, but I don't think these types of relationships usually work out. The foundation that you cheated on someone else to be together is not a strong one. How can you each trust that the other won't do that again in the future to you? Also, have you seen multiple pictures? Do you know that you have physical attraction? Chances are you'll be surprised when you meet or see the picture and one of you will be disappointed. Try to keep it as just friends and stop pursuing this as a romantic relationship.


You've assumed a bit much here. We both really worked hard trying to fix our marriages. We have been dragged through hell finding out how our spouses were cheating on us and using us. 

So, it is quite the opposite. We have seen and felt the kind of pain such decisions can bring upon people, and we could never do that to someone.

Also, yes, we have seen pictures and video of each other.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

I apologize. I guess I read too much into the following from the original post:

"We are living quite far from each other at the moment, but I really want to meet her. We are planning to get together in the next couple weeks. I have the ability and desire to relocate, and I really want to give this a shot."

Good luck with whatever you choose - we all deserve love and happiness.


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