# hit me with a small 2x4



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Don't know why I do this to myself, was having a really great week so far, met a great woman on the weekend looking forward to meeting up with her again, new job is going pretty smooth, feeling a little invigorated by work (almost) my house is getting in order.

Then I do something idiotic and look at ex's bf fb and see he has friended all the people I just decided to unfriend last week - Sure, not my friends anymore (but these were the ones I didn't think were the toxic ones, including her stepmom, a really religious one she has grown up with and another one who I believe was strongly against her cheating on me), and now feels like I've been replaced especially when he friended them all at once - thinking this guy is probably sharing in all the laughs and conversations and events that I was supposed to be in instead. I know I know not my life anymore, it just sucks to be left behind like this and lose such a chunk of my support network and be so lousy at building my own. And of course now I'm wondering if he was down for the weekend when she had my son and if so he probably stayed at her place. It is frustrating because my son is always talking about this guy too.

So let the 2x4 thumping begin, I don't want to know what goes on in her life, mostly I just don't want it to have this kind of power over me - I feel like I'm completely moved on but the anger is being so slowly drawn out.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Shouldn't you count yourself lucky to have those people out of your life, instead of asking for 2x4's?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

you missed what I said, these were the good ones in her life. i miss them.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why are you snooping! It's just asking for this! BLOCK the bf and your ex.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Stay of FB bonehead.....Whack! 

Stay of FB bonehead.....Whack!

Stay of FB bonehead.....Whack!

Stay of FB bonehead.....Whack!

Stay of FB bonehead.....Whack!

Need more?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

thanks I needed that. I should be good for awhile.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Why are you snooping! It's just asking for this! BLOCK the bf and your ex.


I snoop because I don't talk to my ex about any of this and I'd like to know what is going on in my son's life. So every few weeks I will look at fb (I blocked all those from my regular account, I just made a fake one to see whatever they have put up publicly)

ok bandit hit me with a couple more.


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## AwwSnail (Jul 22, 2012)

curiosity!!! it gets the better of us; every time! I can also get in a mood. Try to distract yourself when you get curious... I'm sorry that those people are no longer a part of your life. It sucks to have to say goodbye to the "good ones" I get it. 

Hang in there, one step at a time.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

That just... sucks. But yeah, move on. I would argue that these friends are not the good ones. If they can accept that kind of behavior... they ain't that good. Many Christians will feel like they have to forgive and accept. I am Christian and I know better.

Find BETTER friends. These aren't good enough.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think even worse is when you avoid fb, do everything you can to put them out of your mind and move on, but then you run into them in person somewhere and look like a deer in headlights, stunned and seeming like an idiot not knowing how to deal with the encounter.

Anyways, yes putting them all out of my mind... the blows to the head help.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't think beating yourself up with a 2x4 is helpful in this situation. The key is to reflect on the reaction this gave you and deal with it head on. So you miss these people. So miss them. Send them some love and mentally wish them well. 

If you run into them in person then kill them with kindness. Be as nice as you can be to them. Throws them off balance big time then you can laugh at the stunned look on their faces.

I think you're biggest issue is you fear being alone. THAT is what got triggered. When I got disowned by my parents it seemed everywhere I looked there were mothers and grown daughters shopping, having lunch, and it killed me. As I healed I realized we all have our crosses to bear and so mine is being an orphan yours is being divorced. EVERYONE struggles and you are no exception. I find comfort in that and am now finally okay with being alone. 

My best friend is surrounded by people and yet she still says she feels alone. Things aren't always as they seem. 

Just sayin....


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I don't think beating yourself up with a 2x4 is helpful in this situation. The key is to reflect on the reaction this gave you and deal with it head on. So you miss these people. So miss them. Send them some love and mentally wish them well.
> 
> If you run into them in person then kill them with kindness. Be as nice as you can be to them. Throws them off balance big time then you can laugh at the stunned look on their faces.
> 
> ...


two things going on I think... there is a fear, not of being alone (cause I pretty much am already) but fear that I will continue alone for too long.

Then the other issue, for what I wanted the 2x4 is to condition myself to stop looking at anything on fb having to do with the ex's life.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Lon,

Pick one


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

> there is a fear, not of being alone (cause I pretty much am already) but fear that I will continue alone for too long.


Same thing. You're okay being alone as long as it's temporary therefore you still fear being alone. You've put conditions on it and haven't learned to be okay NOW. 



> Then the other issue, for what I wanted the 2x4 is to condition myself to stop looking at anything on fb having to do with the ex's life.


I'll give you this one. I think fb is evil. I refuse to be on it. No good can come from me reading about other people's fabulous lives so I refuse to go there. I know you have kids and you want to know what's going on but is there a way around this? Can you get someone else to read the page FOR YOU? Let them give you the updates so you are spared all those details you don't need to know.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Why are you snooping! It's just asking for this! BLOCK the bf and your ex.












Best advice you will get....right there! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Lon said:


> I snoop because I don't talk to my ex about any of this and I'd like to know what is going on in my son's life. So every few weeks I will look at fb (I blocked all those from my regular account, I just made a fake one to see whatever they have put up publicly)
> 
> ok bandit hit me with a couple more.


No, you snoop because you want to see what's going on with your ex. Seriously. Making a fake FB!? You are way better than that. You can talk to your son, right? You dont' talk to your ex about your son?

I used to snoop on exes...with excuses too. But the reality was, I just was a glutton for punishment.

Stop it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> ...I know you have kids and you want to know what's going on but is there a way around this? Can you get someone else to read the page FOR YOU? Let them give you the updates so you are spared all those details you don't need to know.


well good idea, except I'm ALL ALONE

 just messing with you, I don't have that bad a case of it... it is a good idea, I do have a couple people who I could use in this manner.

And I think I will because I am quite certain my ex still feels she has to do things the manipulative way with me... i don't really ever get the sense she is being straight about everything happening in his life - with some things yes it is clear communication, but when there is conflict it seems she is still undermining the co-parenting communication we do have. And its hard to call her on any of this when she keeps it all hidden.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

>>but when there is conflict it seems she is still undermining the co-parenting communication we do have. And its hard to call her on any of this when she keeps it all hidden.<<

What was the point of the divorce?

Sounds like you're still married.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Lon said:


> well good idea, except I'm ALL ALONE
> 
> just messing with you, I don't have that bad a case of it... it is a good idea, I do have a couple people who I could use in this manner


If I were in your shoes that's what I'd do. My best friend does this. She has her friends read her ex's page so she doesn't have to. She gets the necessary info without being triggered.

I do this with my parents. I'm estranged from them so don't want to know what's going on so my sister tells my husband. And he decides what info I need to know or not. They are threatening stalkers so sometimes a heads up is kind of important. LOL


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

2x4 coming through...

Stop looking at her page.
Stop looking at his page.

Block them both.

Happy trails!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> >>but when there is conflict it seems she is still undermining the co-parenting communication we do have. And its hard to call her on any of this when she keeps it all hidden.<<
> 
> What was the point of the divorce?
> 
> Sounds like you're still married.


I know, it sucks... but how else do you suggest co-parenting? This is for the best interst of my child. And so even though I divorced her, her actions do affect my life - for instance I've been unsettled feeling about my son going into kindergarten this fall - we had it all worked out (mostly her who planned it, but it worked well for me too) then suddenly that plan wasn't looking so good because she was telling me the prior mutual friend wasn't comfortable with our child starting in her daycare - that has thrown all my plans off and now I am scrambling to find something that will work. Then today she shows me the cards I suspect she was playing all along and suggests we enroll him at school on the other side of the city where she moved to, and put him in a daycare over there. And it suddenly makes sense why the other daycare plan fell through (because my ex manipulated it to happen that way).


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

What kind of custody arrangements do you have? 

Sounds like the ex is a piece of work. You can't effectively co-parent with someone who acts that way and works against you. 

How about putting your son in a school between the two of you? Is that a possibility?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

WomanScorned said:


> What kind of custody arrangements do you have?
> 
> Sounds like the ex is a piece of work. You can't effectively co-parent with someone who acts that way and works against you.
> 
> How about putting your son in a school between the two of you? Is that a possibility?


It's honestly really hard for me to tell if she is a piece of work or not, she certainly doesn't present herself as a disingenuous person to anyone, she is a social butterfly and I know her friends think she is truly amazing, I'm not sure if that has real meaning to her or not though. And based on what became of our relationship something is certainly wrong with the dynamic between us I just have no way to say how much of it was her and how much was me. And I really have as little to do with her now as possible...

but yes it does seems to me that she does work against me at co-parenting, I'm not sure if she realizes it, is being arrogant or is just dumb. But it seems to me that it is not in the best interest of our son.

Our co-parenting schedule is 50/50 each have two weekdays and we alternate the weekends (fri-sun).

Problem with a school in the middle is that the river divides the city and any school in the middle is basically on her side - the times when I would drive to pick him up/drop him off would require me always having to cross over the bridges in rush hour all the time, would take any extra hour for me each way... of course she tries to convince me that she has to do it every day already - except that was her choice to move across town plus she is self employed and her work hours don't pit her in rush hour traffic.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

The judge made it a condition in our divorce and to sign off on our parenting plan that we live within the same school zone. While still living at the marital home, and looking for houses in the area that the ex wanted the kid to go to school, it was very limiting in houses available and neighborhoods that were decent enough. But I found one, moved in, only to have the ex say she never said I "HAD" to move there, and That specific area and school system wasnt what she had said.
So apparently, looking over my shoulder while I was on the computer looking at real estate sites and houses, and making sure I was looking in the area she wanted the kid to go to school, was all a dream, and I mustve been imagining it.

To simply state, that you did not say something, after the entire process was devoted to achieving that exact goal, is the mark of a fking lunatic.


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