# Wedding mementos....what did you do with them?



## Devastated wife

I've been divorced for nearly 3 months now but we had been living separately since Nov 2017. He cheated on me after 2 years of marriage and after a few months messing me around with false hope of reconciliation, he ultimately left me for his much younger affair partner. 

After the divorce I have been wondering what other people did with their wedding stuff such as rings, dress, wedding album, guestbook etc.

I am in a much happier place now that the divorce has been finalised but I just can't seem to get rid of a lot of my wedding things. I have since disposed of a lot of the smaller things, but I guess I am still attached to some. After speaking to other people, I've had different answers ranging from 'get rid of the lot; don't know why you want to keep it after everything that's happened' to 'you don't want to make any rash decisions in case you regret it.' 

Is it silly of me to keep hold of my wedding album, dress and various other keepsakes? I don't have children so it's not like I'm keeping hold of the things to hand them down. The items are stored safely away in my wardrobe and my engagement and wedding rings are kept in my jewellery box. Although I rarely get them out, I think I would be really sad to see it all go, at least for the time being. I know he treated me like dirt but it was a big part of my life and I don't want to pretend it never happened. Despite how it ended, I was happy right up until I found out about the affair.

Is it weird for me to want to keep hold of them? Do you think I am hampering my recovery by hanging on to these items? I know I have to make this decision myself, I guess I want to hear what others have done because I keep flitting between deciding to get rid of them and then panicking I am making a mistake and changing my mind. Is it possible I can keep these things and still move on despite others judging me and saying I'm just fooling myself and I'll never move on properly unless I dispose of them?


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## BluesPower

Devastated wife said:


> I've been divorced for nearly 3 months now but we had been living separately since Nov 2017. He cheated on me after 2 years of marriage and after a few months messing me around with false hope of reconciliation, he ultimately left me for his much younger affair partner.
> 
> After the divorce I have been wondering what other people did with their wedding stuff such as rings, dress, wedding album, guestbook etc.
> 
> I am in a much happier place now that the divorce has been finalised but I just can't seem to get rid of a lot of my wedding things. I have since disposed of a lot of the smaller things, but I guess I am still attached to some. After speaking to other people, I've had different answers ranging from 'get rid of the lot; don't know why you want to keep it after everything that's happened' to 'you don't want to make any rash decisions in case you regret it.'
> 
> Is it silly of me to keep hold of my wedding album, dress and various other keepsakes? I don't have children so it's not like I'm keeping hold of the things to hand them down. The items are stored safely away in my wardrobe and my engagement and wedding rings are kept in my jewellery box. Although I rarely get them out, I think I would be really sad to see it all go, at least for the time being. I know he treated me like dirt but it was a big part of my life and I don't want to pretend it never happened. Despite how it ended, I was happy right up until I found out about the affair.
> 
> Is it weird for me to want to keep hold of them? Do you think I am hampering my recovery by hanging on to these items? I know I have to make this decision myself, I guess I want to hear what others have done because I keep flitting between deciding to get rid of them and then panicking I am making a mistake and changing my mind. Is it possible I can keep these things and still move on despite others judging me and saying I'm just fooling myself and I'll never move on properly unless I dispose of them?


For me, I got rid of all of it. Every bit, if you want you can have your wedding ring made into something else, or sell it if you want to. 

Too this day, I remember how GOOD it felt to get rid of her crap. Wedding album gone. She left her wedding dress, gone. All the cards and crap that was laying around, gone. 

It was cathartic in so many ways. It felt SOOOOOO good to put that in the trash. 

If I did not live in the city, I would have burnt it, but all I could do was put it in the trash...


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## minimalME

I scanned some of my wedding photos because they included family members. 

I don't look at them, and they don't really mean anything to me. I mainly kept them for my children - in case they want them at some point.

Photos are a great way to save the memories without all the stuff.


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## Ursula

No, you're not weird for wanting to hang onto some stuff instead of getting rid of it all. I still have everything from my marriage: dress, rings, all the stuff that I worked hard to make, guest book, etc. The dress is gorgeous; I would love to preserve it in case I have a daughter someday. Everything is stored well, and doesn't get taken out, or hasn't yet anyways. It's odd because I'm big on spring cleaning and getting rid of stuff, but like you, I just can't bring myself to toss/sell the lot of it. However, I haven't let it hold me back from moving on.


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## jorgegene

it's ok to hold on to memories even if they're bittersweet.

memories good and bad, funny and sad are part of your life.

i often ponder my life's events and some of them are bittersweet. but they are me.


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## arbitrator

*I left everything behind to both my XW and to my RSXW. I hope they burned the photos and got rid of the wedding gifts ~ which I'm sure that they did!

Their covert infidelity just pushed me to the point that I really don't give a damn about them or our former relationship in any way!

Water under the bridge!*


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## Bananapeel

The wedding is part of my history that my kids might find valuable to them one day so I felt it would be wrong to eliminate it. All that wedding stuff got moved to a locked chest in the basement and will be available for my kids if they ever want it.


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## Faithful Wife

I will never get rid of my wedding things, and will always cherish them. That said, I don't actually handle or look at any of them. If the box of pictures comes down off the shelf because I'm moving things around, I might peek inside. Otherwise, although I don't look, I do still cherish.

Not sure if that would be true if he cheated on me, though.

But if you still feel sentimental about the items, definitely just keep them until someday you either don't want them anymore or you still want them and will be glad you kept them.


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## 3Xnocharm

There is nothing wrong with hanging onto these things, they are part of your history. Pack them in a water safe tote and store it away. If later down the line you want to get rid of them, nothing wrong with that either. 

Now, displaying them in your home?? Different story, LOL!


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## WasDecimated

I sold my ring for it's weight in Gold, stuffed the wedding albums in her boxes of crap as she was moving out. I threw out or donated everything else including any personal items she forgot to take with her. 

It was quite liberating! :grin2:


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## Faithful Wife

3Xnocharm said:


> Now, displaying them in your home?? Different story, LOL!


The guy I am seeing is very sentimental and has dozens of pictures and portraits all over his house of himself, his family, his kids, and there are several of him with his ex wife still in various photo collages.

Doesn't bother me a bit! I know he just never got around to taking them down, and they are part of his own history, and they are lovely pictures. He has removed anything that seems to declare any kind of love or sentiment specifically for her. But there are other things that were more sentimental for him than her, even though they were part of the wedding, and he has those around too. For instance, he has a beautiful large painting of the very scenic place where they got married. They are not in the painting, but of course when they were married it held significance for the fact that they were married. But the place and the painting hold more significance to him from his life before her and he has never taken them down (divorced something like 8 years now). So currently, on the wall right next to his bed is this beautiful painting he bought (at the time) as a wedding present to go in the new house they bought when they got hitched, and again the painting of the place where they were married. Again, doesn't bother me a bit! It is a beautiful painting and no longer has anything to do with "them".

Now - this would ALL be weird if he was still hung up on her. She did cheat on him, and he is essentially indifferent to her now (after years of hating her guts and horrible pain and anguish). She is in his life because they have kids but he is fine with it all now.


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## Not

I left everything behind with the x with the caveat that they would be given to our kids in the future if they wanted them, he agreed. I hadn’t worn my ring in years, it still sits in the same jewelry box that sits in another box that’s still unpacked since I moved. I won’t be passing that thing on to anyone, not with all the negative memories that are attached to it. Bad juju.


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## honcho

My ring is laying in a drawer in an old desk is a spare bedroom I think. Been a long time since I stumbled upon it. 

I've got a box of photos that are mostly of my friends and family. Most of my close friends are scattered around the world now so I rarely see them so the photos have some value to me for that reason. I never look at them though and haven't actually since I boxed them up when I moved a few years ago.


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## sokillme

Devastated wife said:


> I've been divorced for nearly 3 months now but we had been living separately since Nov 2017. He cheated on me after 2 years of marriage and after a few months messing me around with false hope of reconciliation, he ultimately left me for his much younger affair partner.
> 
> After the divorce I have been wondering what other people did with their wedding stuff such as rings, dress, wedding album, guestbook etc.
> 
> I am in a much happier place now that the divorce has been finalised but I just can't seem to get rid of a lot of my wedding things. I have since disposed of a lot of the smaller things, but I guess I am still attached to some. After speaking to other people, I've had different answers ranging from 'get rid of the lot; don't know why you want to keep it after everything that's happened' to 'you don't want to make any rash decisions in case you regret it.'
> 
> Is it silly of me to keep hold of my wedding album, dress and various other keepsakes? I don't have children so it's not like I'm keeping hold of the things to hand them down. The items are stored safely away in my wardrobe and my engagement and wedding rings are kept in my jewellery box. Although I rarely get them out, I think I would be really sad to see it all go, at least for the time being. I know he treated me like dirt but it was a big part of my life and I don't want to pretend it never happened. Despite how it ended, I was happy right up until I found out about the affair.
> 
> Is it weird for me to want to keep hold of them? Do you think I am hampering my recovery by hanging on to these items? I know I have to make this decision myself, I guess I want to hear what others have done because I keep flitting between deciding to get rid of them and then panicking I am making a mistake and changing my mind. Is it possible I can keep these things and still move on despite others judging me and saying I'm just fooling myself and I'll never move on properly unless I dispose of them?


This made me sad. I'm sorry you had to go through it, you sound so resigned that this was your one chance. Even your name devastated wife. Here's the thing maybe you still think of yourself as his wife. That's not going to be good if you meet someone else who want's to make you their wife. I'm not one for thinking that holding on to "things" necessarily means you are not letting go of the past but you post makes it sound that way. I may be wrong but sometimes we hold on to things because they are a reminder of times in our lives. Is that your motive? Is really the problem not the things but how you think about those times. I suspect you may be looking at your wedding and marriage, that time as the happiest you will ever be. This is not true, you can be happy like that again but you have to have faith. But having faith means letting go of the belief you have that this was you only chance at long lasting happiness. It's not. 

It's really up to you if you want to save the stuff, but just don't save everything because you don't think you will have times like those again. You will as long as you keep moving forward. We have all been there and we all got better. 

Something to think about.


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## Wolfman1968

Devastated wife said:


> Is it weird for me to want to keep hold of them? Do you think I am hampering my recovery by hanging on to these items? I know I have to make this decision myself, I guess I want to hear what others have done because I keep flitting between deciding to get rid of them and then panicking I am making a mistake and changing my mind. Is it possible I can keep these things and still move on despite others judging me and saying I'm just fooling myself and I'll never move on properly unless I dispose of them?


First of all, you have only been divorced for 3 months. So how you feel now may not reflect how you may feel in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, etc.

You state you don't have children, so there's no "caretaker" responsibility for the next generation. I suspect that, over the years, as you develop new relationships or, quite frankly, just need the space, your willingness/desire to hold onto these items will wane.

You may indefinitely hold onto certain pictures which contain images of other people or which document events that you cannot otherwise replicate. Beyond that, I am willing to bet that you will be more motivated to discard such items as time passes. It's just too early yet, and you don't have years of better/other times to fill your memory and heart--so you hold onto those items that you have. With time, those memories will be superseded by new experiences and relationships.


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## Devastated wife

@BluesPower - Thank you for your reply, I am glad you got some good feelings getting rid of her stuff. I understand where you are coming from. Onwards and upwards 
@minimalME - Thanks for your insight. I used to look at the photos a lot before the divorce was finalised but since then, I have probably only looked at a few photos but the album has stayed in the back of the wardrobe. I do have the photos on a USB stick already, but still cannot bring myself to get rid of the actual album we had made. Maybe one day I will 
@Ursula - Thanks for your input; I am glad I'm not the only one! I don't really know why I have kept my dress although I do love it. I've just turned 35 and feel as if I've lost my chance to have kids now but who knows. I'm glad you are moving on regardless. Although I am sad my marriage came to this end, I have accepted it and don't want him back. I hope I can be more confident in my choices rather than second guessing myself when others disagree with the way I do things.
@arbitrator - After everything they did, I don't blame you for not caring! Despite everything my ex husband did, I do still care about him and don't wish him any harm but I am glad we are no longer together. He showed his true colours and I am thankful I found out sooner rather than later. One question; what is RSXW? 
@Bananapeel - I'm glad you kept things for your kids should they want to see/have them. I can understand that those items could be a big deal for them. Luckily (or unluckily, whichever way you look at it) I don't have kids so I am not in the same position but that doesn't make it any easier deciding what to do/keep. Perhaps I am not far enough in my recovery yet. Thanks for your reply.
@Faithful Wife - Thanks for your reply. Since the divorce I have not looked at the album or my dress however my rings are in a jewellery box so occasionally I take those out to look at. I no longer cry when I hold them, just feel sad. At the moment I think I'll keep hold of them. Like others have said, it is still quite early after the divorce.
@3Xnocharm - Thanks for the advice; once I move to a more permanent property I will ensure they are stored away properly. I don't think I would display them, not unless we had kids together but we don't so I won't have to look at them every day 
@WasDecimated - I'm glad you got something for your ring, I think that is better than just tossing it but that's just my opinion. I did feel like throwing my rings out of the window while I was on a train but that was while my emotions were high and ultimately I'm glad I didn't do that! But good for you  
@Not - Thanks for your reply. I'm happy your kids will be given the opportunity to have those items if they wish. I understand you not wanting to pass your ring on to anyone else; I don't think I would either, not even if I had a daughter. 
@honcho - I totally understand about the photos, although I didn't have many of my friends at our wedding, it was mostly a family affair but there are a few in the photos that are no longer with us so I would keep the photos themselves purely for that reason. Although I still look at some of the photos, it's not as often as I thought I would. And when I do look at them, I don't get that upset anymore. Thanks for your input.
@sokillme - I am resigned to the fact that I had no control over what he did and who he chose in the end. Stupidly I played the 'pick me dance' and focused too much on trying to change me so that he would choose to stay with me. Never the less, he chose her and it took a long time for me to accept that but I don't feel I think I am still his wife. I have no contact with him and rarely think of him. Sometimes I miss the things we used to do together or places we visited but then I make a point of reminding myself what he did and how lucky I am not to be living with that nightmare any longer. 
I do hope I meet someone else who I can spend the rest of my life with and perhaps get married to but there are days when I think I'm kidding myself. Those are my downer days where I think negatively about a lot of things. Deep down I think I want to keep certain things, not to keep him in my life, but because they mean something to me as an individual. Can't really explain it. 
I am sure I'll have happy times again; in the meantime I am working on myself and enjoying all the good things in my life. Thank you for your words, you gave me a lot to think about 
@Wolfman1968 - Yes, I feel that I may change my mind in a year or few years from now and for the moment, they're not taking up that much space anyway. Nor do I keep getting them out. Perhaps it would be different if I continually took them out to look at. Thank you for taking the time to reply, your words made a lot of sense and in a way confirmed to me that I don't need to rush to get rid of anything right now.


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## notmyrealname4

You sound attached to all of this stuff; so you aren't ready to let it go yet. Sounds normal.

But you did start the thread asking for input. If it was me, I'd have a bonfire if I could and purge myself of the whole lot.

These are mementos of a wedding to a guy that cheated on and abandoned you. 

Plus you could get some money for the ring. That's just being practical and sensible.

My opinion is that it's unhealthy to hang onto this stuff. Though I understand if you can't do it right away.


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## Devastated wife

notmyrealname4 said:


> You sound attached to all of this stuff; so you aren't ready to let it go yet. Sounds normal.
> 
> But you did start the thread asking for input. If it was me, I'd have a bonfire if I could and purge myself of the whole lot.
> 
> These are mementos of a wedding to a guy that cheated on and abandoned you.
> 
> Plus you could get some money for the ring. That's just being practical and sensible.
> 
> My opinion is that it's unhealthy to hang onto this stuff. Though I understand if you can't do it right away.


Everything you said makes perfect sense and yet my brain doesn't think of it the same way as you do. Maybe in a bit of time I won't be so attached to them and will quite happily get rid of it, perhaps not. Like others have said, time will tell. 

I understand what you say about the mementos; yes they are from a guy who cheated and abandoned me but I don't need those items to remind me of that. I don't think I will ever forget what he did, no matter how much time passes and even if I do decide to dispose of those things down the line, the memories will still be there even if the mementos aren't.

Thanks for your opinions; who knows, in a few years my thoughts might be completely different to what they are now and I'll be looking back wondering what was I thinking :laugh:


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## SpinyNorman

There isn't a right or wrong answer, it's what makes you feel better. While keeping/trashing certain things might help a bit, it's unrealistic to expect the disposition of things to "fix everything". And of course if you keep something it is easy to change your mind later, if you trash it, not so much.


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## arbitrator

@arbitrator - One question; what is RSXW? 


*RSXW = Rich Skanky Ex-Wife*


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## Betrayedone

I found our vows and immediately threw them away........I took her wedding dress and threw it on top of a giant burning pile of leaves and brush. Felt like closure.


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## Devastated wife

arbitrator said:


> @arbitrator - One question; what is RSXW?
> 
> 
> *RSXW = Rich Skanky Ex-Wife*



Ahh, that makes sense now. Sorry, I got the XW bit but had no idea what the RS meant and I was wracking my brain for too long! Thanks


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## Devastated wife

Betrayedone said:


> I found our vows and immediately threw them away........I took her wedding dress and threw it on top of a giant burning pile of leaves and brush. Felt like closure.


I'm not sure of your story but I'm sorry you had to go through the pain. However I am glad you got some sort of closure for yourself. Thanks for your reply


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## john117

Never bought wedding rings, no wedding to speak of (courthouse), so no momentos. I did provide her a backup set of all our family pictures and videos from the home server.


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## Wolf1974

To be honest after I found out about the affair everything about our relationship seemed like a total shame and let’s me honest I was very hurt and betrayed. So I threw out everying she ever gave me, some of it right in front of her, not that she cared. The rings I had put in the divorce papers that both would be sold and put in an account for our daughters. I deleted every photo I had of her. The only thing I regret is that while upset I threw out about 50 shot glasses. I love to travel and I collect shot glasses from the places I have been. All gone and wish I had them back


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## Marc878

john117 said:


> Never bought wedding rings, no wedding to speak of (courthouse), so no momentos. I did provide her a backup set of all our family pictures and videos from the home server.


You were just to damn romantic >


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## sczinger

My EWW and I were married in September of 2016. As a part of my healing process, 12 months since DDay and 9 months divorced from my EWW, I went through the last 10 years of photos, mostly electronic media, as well as videos of vacays, holidays and honeymoon, and WIPED THEM CLEAN. I did not want to see, hear, touch or smell anything that had to do with her. I have a pretty good memory. If I want to revisit those good times I'll just tap into those fond memories in my brain. However, our marriage license, I packed in a box full of her kids pictures and items that she left behind in her haste to get to her AP, with a note that read "I fully expect you to treat this with the same respect you did our marriage, and toss it."


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## Adelais

My first marriage was relatively short and there were no children involved. I kept no momentos from that marriage. He was a liar and manipulative and I was too young to see the red flags before marrying him. (He was a Dr. by the way, so education does not make a person a good person.) I'm glad to not have anything that reminds me of that scoundrel!


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## EleGirl

I have a SIL who does photo shopping. She has clients who want to keep some of their wedding photos without including their ex. So she photo shops them out. That way the clients can preserve photos of family members but not have to look at the ex.


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