# I Saw The Video



## married4real (May 9, 2019)

I'm not afraid to talk to myself about the mess(you know what word i really meant ladies) that I have been through with this man child(My Husband). Now I can vent thanks to TAM! So I had an account on here before but I lost my password. I can't even remember the user name but here's the back story. Mind you I am still in love with this man. I mean madly in love. So my husband is a bad boy. 

Trouble with the law,man *****,thug,just a dog by nature. Oh his Chinese horoscope. DOG! But anyways he was abusive, manipulative,crazy,used drugs,lied,and finally cheated. You must be saying to yourself whoa why in the hell are you still there?! The only way I can explain is just when you really love someone enough marry them, there is no one else you could truly love like your very first love. 

And I have dated before 2 serious relationships and now my husband. But I know he feels the same about me. The things we have had to endure as 20 something year old kids,on our own in the world,we had no one but ourselves. My big brother even jumped him for something he didn't do. I pretty much dropped my family for this man. Now to the reason I'm posting. My husband was on his drugs when this happened. He has been out more than 24hrs at a time and it was around 1am he came stumbling into the apartment, freaking out my cats! I love my babies. But he was high and just a mess. 

I took his clothes off wiped him off and laid him down. I made sure to find his phone and put it next to him so he wouldn't freak out. I couldn't find it and I was freaking out because I just new he would flip his you know what. I looked everywhere then finally the hallway. I was always insecure because my husband is a handsome man. So I needed to charge his phone up and look. Of course on his browser usual porn.

Then I look for messages but there was nothing then i checked calls. And for some reason I check pictures to make sure he didn't save any girl nudes from the dating site he has been on. And I go to pics....nothing and then I saw his package being sucked. I know it's crazy to be able to identify his junk but all wives know what their husband's junk looks like and I pretty much broke down to tears and woke him up and i yelled and screamed and he tried to deny it but finally gave in. I wanted to hurt someone. My hurt was broken but after his of course begging and pleading I just went numb.i have never cheated on my husband or anyone and I need thought of cheating after this. In that time ladies...this is for you... after your husband cheats what is your first reaction. 

I want to know real stuff. I know I want to be with my husband til he's done with me but am i the only one who has let infidelity slip by so he could do it again or what?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Is this for real???? Forget first, second, or third reactions. Why the hell would you stay with a man who cheats????


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

"But anyways he was abusive, manipulative,crazy,used drugs...,"

Just the very first "abusive" is enough reason to leave


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

If this is the type of man you want, this is the type of life you'll get.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

If this is real, you need way more help than this forum can provide. You need some serious therapy to determine why you'd take all this crap from someone and remain "madly in love" because from what I see, he doesn't have even one quality that is worth loving. He's not worth staying with even without the cheating. Jesus I hope this is some kid who just got home from college having some fun.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You got what you want. So what's the problem?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

He’s probably _already_ done it again.

And it ain’t like you caught him on his first go-around — more than likely it was something like the 237th.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Wow, you got a real gem here.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Birds of a feather, flock together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been together & married?

How long ago did you find that picture on his phone?

Do the two of you fight a lot? Argue? Any hands on fighting? Your situations sounds volatile.

Has he expressed any remorse for what he did? How has he changed since you discovered his cheating? Has he stopped the drugs? stopped the partying? Does no devote all of his free time outside of work to YOU?

Does he even have a job?

Did you grow up in an unstable home?

In order to reconcile a marriage after infidelity that has to be something to worth saving. I just don't see it from what you have descried so far. It takes a lot of work by both spouses to recover. In order for recovery to even begin and to be successful, he has to be the one begging you recover he marriage. He has to be the one doing all the work right now. He should have to convince you that he is willing to become a completely different man. What has he done?

If its just you begging him, it's not going to work out well for you. He will continue lying and cheating.

I think you should get into some individual counseling to see why you think you love someone who is unworthy of that love. It's a nice fairly tail that "there is no one else you could truly love like your very first love." It's fairly tails like that, told over and over to little girls, that leads so many women to stay in bad relationships. Do you now who would be the you would love more than life itself? It would be a man who actually acted like a man, not a misbehaving man-child. 

Ask yourself why you choose to give your love to someone like him? Usually it's the potential of what he could be if he'd was different than he is. Think about that.... it means that it's not him that you love. It's the idea of being in love with a good looking guy. 
Ha


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

So why are you here? It's pretty clear you're unable to make the right choice. Like the great philosopher George Jones said, We all live and die with the choices we make.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

married4real said:


> But anyways he was abusive, manipulative,crazy,used drugs,lied,and finally cheated.


LOL.

He "*finally*" cheated? More like you finally _caught_ him. Pfft.

I'm just going to sit back and eat my popcorn.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Here's something you really need to sit on a mountain top and really think about - At no time in human history have women had more ability to chose their mates and choose the father of their children than here today. 

Arranged marriage and outright being sold into indentured servitude has been the norm for women throughout much of human history. 

countless generations of women before you have fought hard and sacrificed and shed blood, sweat and tears into social change so that women can have control over their own bodies and over their own fertility and reproduction and have the right and ability to choose their own mates and father of their children. 

How are you honoring their struggle and sacrifice and what are you doing with your right to choose your own mate?????

Not only is this an offense to your mother and grandmothers and great grandmothers and their great grandmothers that came before them, but this is also an offense to decent men that work hard and put sincere effort into treating their women and families well. That you would stay with such a person is a slap in the face to single men that would treat their partner with kindness, dignity and respect. 

You think about that any time that you aren't packing your bags to leave.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*And you'd trust him why?

Give him the air! You deserve far, far better out of life!*


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## dpoohclock (Apr 30, 2019)

Umm yeah. 

reap what you sow. 

I guess I could call this one of those "tragic" love stories. Tragic in that the whole situation makes no sense yet they stay together. 

Is it that you truly consider yourself not worth better? are you also into all the "bad" things he's into? 

Or do you believe there is only one "true" love for each of us in life? 

I can't really think up any other obvious reasons why you stay..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@married4real You need to set your standards much, much higher than this.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

:nono::nono::nono:

I'm sorry, but what you feel for your so called husband ain't love. It is toxic, dysfunctional, hell on Earth etc; not even close to love at all. 

A person with addictions like drugs and porn are not capable of loving anyone. The additions rule their lives. They live for their next fix. He can tell you he loves you, but those are just words. Love is action. His actions and his words don't match. Run away from this hell. It will not get better, but boy can it get worse. 

You are in your twenties. How many more years do you want to waste with this guy that is wasting his life on addictions? Why in God's green Earth would you give your precious life and love to a junkie? Find your backbone and throw him out of your life and never look back. Don't waste another second of the precious life you have left on this loser. Kicking and screaming but leave yesterday!
Your heart is a pump to keep you alive, you need to use your brains. It is not logical to love a man that loves his drugs. You can't win because his next fix is his life.


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## Stormguy2018 (Jul 11, 2018)

" I check pictures to make sure he didn't save any girl nudes from the dating site he has been on."

Just . . . . wow.


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## married4real (May 9, 2019)

This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it. In my life I have never met a faithful man. So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

uhtred said:


> "But anyways he was abusive, manipulative,crazy,used drugs...,"
> 
> Just the very first "abusive" is enough reason to leave


^^^ This. As soon as you mentioned the word "abusive", my first thought was: "run".


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

married4real said:


> This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it.* In my life I have never met a faithful man.* So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel


I've met you a few times in my life. Or rather this belief that there is no faithful man. It has been my experience with men young and old that men rise or sink to the level of expectation. Heterosexual men generally look to women for that expectation. If the women in their lives expect men to be layabouts, then these men will not work. If the women expect these men to be violent, then these men will fight, a lot. If the womens in their lives expect them to cheat then they will indeed Cheat. 

On the other hand if the women around men expect them to be providers, the will step up and provide. If the women expect the men to be honorable, then the men will act honorably. In large this is true. This is Why there are "perfect people" or more accurately Better people. I have frequently been asked why men cheat, abuse, and mistreat women. My answer is, "because Women reward them for that behavior".

Thus Your low expectations have led indirectly to the poor result of never meeting a man that doesn't cheat.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

married4real said:


> This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it. In my life I have never met a faithful man. So it's to be expected. *But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over*. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel


How are you going to achieve that?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> I've met you a few times in my life. Or rather this belief that there is no faithful man. It has been my experience with men young and old that men rise or sink to the level of expectation. Heterosexual men generally look to women for that expectation. If the women in their lives expect men to be layabouts, then these men will not work. If the women expect these men to be violent, then these men will fight, a lot. If the womens in their lives expect them to cheat then they will indeed Cheat.


Oh please.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

married4real said:


> This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it. In my life I have never met a faithful man. So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel


You may have been raised to value marriage, but you picked the wrong man to fill in those shoes. He is NOT marriage material!

He broke vows that are both grounds for annulment and divorce. He has no respect for YOU or the institution of marriage! You have no excuse to remain with such a terrible choice of mate. You made a mistake. Learn from it and let this loser go. Stop wasting your life on this relationship that will not end well because it was a mistake. A mistake is to learn from it and not accept being disrespected and abused from it.

Your case may very well be an example of what not to do, which is stay in a toxic and abusive marriage when there are no logical reasons to remain married to disrespectful, entitled, abusive men!

Not every man cheats! There are plenty of good, loyal, honest, and decent men. The ones you know and the one YOU married are good examples of which ones women need to avoid like the plague!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

married4real said:


> Men cheat. It's their biological nature. They just don't understand that *women rule this world*. But for now....do what you want. Make sure you make decisions for you not for him but you.


I have just pointed out the method used.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> married4real said:
> 
> 
> > This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it.* In my life I have never met a faithful man.* So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel
> ...


This is the most epic pile of philosophical blame-shifting I've ever read lolol


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## married4real (May 9, 2019)

Thanks for all of your thoughts. Have a nice day.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

married4real said:


> This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it. In my life I have never met a faithful man. So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel


You're not a hopeless romantic, you are a codependent enabler. You are as sick as he is and I hope you seek help for yourself.


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## married4real (May 9, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> married4real said:
> 
> 
> > This is 100% real. No I'm not a dumb hopeless romantic. I am a women who was raised to value marriage and all the bull that may come with it. In my life I have never met a faithful man. So it's to be expected. But it's up to a real man to realize that he's had his cake now the party is over. For you perfect people my marriage may be too intense but there is some young lady sitting behind the screen feeling what I feel
> ...


Why thank you so much for your observation. But I know this. This is life for me. I can't control it. I'm stuck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

married4real said:


> Why thank you so much for your observation. But I know this. This is life for me. I can't control it. I'm stuck.




That’s where you are wrong. You CAN control it. You can control your own actions and how you respond. And you are not stuck, you just believe you are. 

My suggestion would be to check out a couple of Al Anon meetings. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

OP is long gone me believe.....but hey to each their own, is easy to believe in what is easiest for one to believe, it's harder to believe with our feet well firm in reality....I've learn this and I see it, but eventually someway somehow reality always catches up 

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