# Finally told my 9 yo that he is Autistic



## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

We were watching Big Bang Theory. The boys love that show. They both really like Sheldon. AT asked me "Mommy, why is Sheldon so weird and loves science so much". I stopped and decided it was time to tell him the truth.

"AT, Sheldon loves science the way you love Mario Bros. You know how you can go on and on and on about it, Sheldon does the same with Science. Sheldon has something called Asperger's, which is very close to what you have. It is on the Autism range. Nothing will cure it, but you can work with it and Mommy and Daddy and Yamma and Opa will help."


he started crying. My heart ripped from my chest. I did then show him the new episode of Girl Meets World which dives into the topic as well. By the end he was ok with it, but still. :crying:


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## Loveofmylife921 (Jun 28, 2015)

He will be ok! He has two great parents who love him, and will do whatever it takes to make sure he is adjusting and doing his best. Be strong and keep up the good work!


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

pleasecoffee said:


> We were watching Big Bang Theory. The boys love that show. They both really like Sheldon. AT asked me "Mommy, why is Sheldon so weird and loves science so much". I stopped and decided it was time to tell him the truth.
> 
> "AT, Sheldon loves science the way you love Mario Bros. You know how you can go on and on and on about it, Sheldon does the same with Science. Sheldon has something called Asperger's, which is very close to what you have. It is on the Autism range. Nothing will cure it, but you can work with it and Mommy and Daddy and Yamma and Opa will help."
> 
> ...



My son has Asperger's as well. We did not get a diagnosis until he was 10. Prior to that, the doctor thought that he was just ADD. He is high functioning and at the age of 16 he is top 5% of his class and does excel in Math and Science. To my surprise though, he is actually an A student in English and has a talent for writing stories which is just crazy to me. 

He is social ONLY if someone speaks to him - otherwise he will just sit there and not talk to anyone - and is perfectly happy. He does not shoot the breeze at all - all discussions are just factual and he only responds as necessary. He does have a big heart though - he absolutely loves his big sisters - but again. even with them only conversations as necessary and they need to drive the conversation. 

His coordination (hand / eye) was severely delayed. When he was about five, he actually needed special glasses as his two eyes did not work together properly. He could not catch a ball - but, he could throw. Even today, he has a hard time catching anything thrown at him - that part of his brain is just not wired properly. But, he is an athlete - he is an excellent swimmer and is on the varsity swim team. I think his Asperger's actually helps him there - he just does not feel the pain (when practicing swimming two hours at a time everyday.) He can just go forever in the pool and loves it. His best stroke is the butterfly - which is just weird in that to me that requires the most coordination - but for whatever reason he is a natural.

I am very nervous about him though - he just does not notice girls yet (16 years old.) No crushes. I think he will do well at what every job that he gets - but, I do not see how he will get ahead as he just does not desire anything - he is just happy with whatever he has - give him a 10 x 10 ft apartment with internet access - and he would be satisfied for life. He does not get lonely and this just scares the heck out of me. We have to direct him - send him to church activities which he loves when there - but, he does not ask to go. We have had a few of the kids from church over at our house before - but, we had to arrange this. Very sad to me - he has never had a friend that he could do things with after school - and certainly, no best friend ever. He is very much like Spock on Star-Trec - on the surface no emotion - but, down deep he can be sad or happy (very down deep).

He has learned to be polite. I hope that he can learn to engage with people without them having to initiate. He does know that he has Asperger's. We do not make a big deal out of it - but, he has never shown any emotion about it - he is kind of like "so what?" He will listen though - we have discussed that he never initiates conversation and he has acknowledged that he needs to learn. Last year, I had him ask me how my day was whenever I got home from work - he did this for a month and then this kind of faded away - I need to get him to start this type of activity again.

I know that Asperger's has a wide variety of effects on an individual - and it seems to me, each person with this is very unique. All we can do as parents, is to do our best to coach and direct in the hope that they can someday live a full life.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My (step)daughter has Aspergers. We too didn't get a diagnosis until she was 10. I was shocked when I met her when she was 6 and she was still biting, kicking and hitting her parents, and tantrums could last HOURS. I said to my then boyfriend that this wasn't normal and he dismissed my concerns. I was only a gf then so I couldn't do much more. When I moved in however, things changed. I insisted - for her sake - that he speak to her mother about the concerns, because her behaviour was escalating. It took a while but we finally got there, and she was assessed and diagnosed in April this year.

Our girl is so amazing. She's wonderful and perfect just as she is. I love her so very much and wouldn't want her any other way. She too has the computer and science "thing", and is also good at art. She explains to me the difference between iOS and Windows operating systems the way I'd explain why a dog barks to someone, lol. She's incredible. She doesn't have any friends, but I think that just makes us sad not her, because she's happy as a clam. She has online friends (which we monitor very closely), and finds it much easier to interact with them through the computer than face to face. She's read 2 of The Hunger Games novels in ONE day...ONE DAY!! Lol 

OP, Autism isn't something to be cured or hidden. There is no shame in it at all. Embrace it, learn about it and understand it - that's what your son needs from you more than anything. Our girl struggled at first...she'd say to me "I don't want to be disabled" or "Why am I different?". I told her she's not disabled, she's awesome - and we sat and looked on the internet for famous people with Aspergers/ASD and she was blown away. I said "Did you know that Bill Gates is both Autistic, AND a lot of his technical staff are too? He hires them because their brains are so amazing"...She loved it. Our girl said to me that I understand her better than her parents do  I think that's because the connection they have with her is different (obviously) to the one I have with her...

The most important thing you can do for your son is let him know that he's still the same boy he was before he was diagnosed and that you think he's the best thing since sliced bread x


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

frusdil said:


> My (step)daughter has Aspergers. We too didn't get a diagnosis until she was 10. I was shocked when I met her when she was 6 and she was still biting, kicking and hitting her parents, and tantrums could last HOURS. I said to my then boyfriend that this wasn't normal and he dismissed my concerns. I was only a gf then so I couldn't do much more. When I moved in however, things changed. I insisted - for her sake - that he speak to her mother about the concerns, because her behaviour was escalating. It took a while but we finally got there, and she was assessed and diagnosed in April this year.
> 
> Our girl is so amazing. She's wonderful and perfect just as she is. I love her so very much and wouldn't want her any other way. She too has the computer and science "thing", and is also good at art. She explains to me the difference between iOS and Windows operating systems the way I'd explain why a dog barks to someone, lol. She's incredible. She doesn't have any friends, but I think that just makes us sad not her, because she's happy as a clam. She has online friends (which we monitor very closely), and finds it much easier to interact with them through the computer than face to face. She's read 2 of The Hunger Games novels in ONE day...ONE DAY!! Lol
> 
> ...


Thanks for your comments. It is amazing to me how many children have this condition. 

I do know that it is a spectrum disorder so it depends where they are on the spectrum as to how they learn to function in society and how independent they can become. You are correct, there is no magic pill to correct whatever is wired wrong in their brain - but, with the Asperger's condition, most can learn to interact better if they desire. 

I have already changed my Will because of my worry for him - I have set aside a trust that as of now - my older daughter has control of - both daughters understand that they will get less of an inheritance than there little brother - and they have also agreed to make sure he is looked after if anything were to happen to my wife and me. The thought of my boy being homeless someday just scares the hell out of me! Believe me, there are allot of homeless people out there who intellectually are genius level. 

With regards to friends - we bought my boy a dog and they are inseparable - he just loves it! Been so good for him to have responsibility to take care of his buddy.

Good luck with your daughter - I think it is a good sign that she wishes she did not have the condition - chances are she will learn to interact socially - as I do believe that can be learned.

One of the most well know experts on Asperger's has the condition herself (Temple Grandin). She has learned to make it on her own - she is actually a college professor. She has never been married - but, it seems to me that her family is her students and her fans, as she is an accomplished author. You should look her up and view her videos.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Aspergers no longer exist according to this years DSM


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> Aspergers no longer exist according to this years DSM


I have seen that. Have not really studied the new definition yet. But, I have a feeling that the new definition has something to do with money or something. Most Psychologists disagree with this new policy so I wonder who drove for this new concept.

Obviously, there is a difference from a child with full blown autism and one who as Asperger's - so why the change?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I suspect the issue with anything defined as a spectrum disorder is that no one can agree where normal ends and pathology begins. For example I've been called 'slightly' autistic. But I'm not. I am simply not paying attention.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

PleaseCoffee,

Beautifully done. Truly. 

There was no painless way to do this. 

There are lots of high functioning autistic folks in modern entertainment. 

Watch 'The Bridge' and 'The Broen'. The former is the U.S. version of a great crime show initially produced in either Denmark or Sweden. 

Not age appropriate for a 9 year old. Watch them yourself and then decide when your child can do so. 




pleasecoffee said:


> We were watching Big Bang Theory. The boys love that show. They both really like Sheldon. AT asked me "Mommy, why is Sheldon so weird and loves science so much". I stopped and decided it was time to tell him the truth.
> 
> "AT, Sheldon loves science the way you love Mario Bros. You know how you can go on and on and on about it, Sheldon does the same with Science. Sheldon has something called Asperger's, which is very close to what you have. It is on the Autism range. Nothing will cure it, but you can work with it and Mommy and Daddy and Yamma and Opa will help."
> 
> ...


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

I am reading the most beautiful book right now. It's called, "The Reason I Jump," by Naoki Higashida. The author is a 13 year old nonverbal autistic boy. He can't speak, but with a special keyboard he can communicate. His humanity is so inspiring. He talks a lot about how he worries about his outbursts getting on other people's nerves, so he keeps to himself a lot. I had to break out the tissues a few times, but definitely a good read.

I, myself, have a 9 yo son who was diagnosed with dyslexia recently. We haven't used the word dyslexia yet, but we have alluded to the fact that his brain works a little differently and that's why he struggles with reading. But with some extra help he should be fine, that he is very smart, and that lots of very intelligent successful people have dyslexia.


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