# Where to go from here??



## bbell2770 (Jun 21, 2011)

A little background on my situation, I have been married for 7 years to the love of my life, I trusted her completely, and thought we'd be together for ever. Last August she took a cruise with her mom and sisters, when she got home, she was acting wierd and I asked her if there was something she wanted to tell me and she jumped right to me accusing her of finding a man on the boat. This raise my suspicions and began checking on things, long story short, she was talking to another man and I found an e-mail that she professed her love for him. We had a long discussion and she told me that she was going to end the relationship and that she chose me. The following Monday, I noticed a phone call to a pre paid phone company and asked her if she bought another phone. She told me no and that I was crazy to accuse her again. I found other things on our computers that led me to believe that this relationship wasn't over and everytime I would mention it to her, she would get mad and tell me to trust her and stop checking on her. Two months later, I found the phone and I confronted her again. She told me that she was going to wait till after xmas and file for divorce. I convinced her that we couldn't work out our issues if there was another man in the picture, so she called him and ended the relationship in front of me. Needless to say, my trust was broken and continued to check on what she did for months, if I had questions about something, I would ask her about them and she would get mad again and tell me to stop checking on her. Two weeks ago, I found websites on having a summer fling and how to act on a second date. When I asked her about it, she kicked me out of the house and said she was done. Unfortunatly, I went into the betrayal and hurt mode, sending emails and txt messages that she told me to quit sending. Now she says that she doesn't want a divorce, she needs time to heal because she thinks I was treating her like a cheater for months because I was checking on what she did. She wants to work things out but still wants me to move out. She removed all my pictures from the house in a couple days and removed her wedding ring. 

Am I being stupid to think that we will reconcile or is she ready to move on as a single woman?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

She was and possibly is a cheater. What does she expect? Until she owns her cheating, you can't really go anywhere with this.

And by the way, if you are on the lease or deed, she can't kick you out. Let her leave so she can eat her cake. Coz that is.probably what she is doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbell2770 (Jun 21, 2011)

She did admit that what she did was wrong. We had grown apart for years, I was working full time and going to school full time so we didn't have a lot of together time, then she lost her dad a year prior. So I know she has been going through some issues. I know I am not the perfect husband either and I wanted everything to go back to normal after this all came out, but she wasn't ready to rebuild our relationship, she wanted to figure out why she was unhappy. I felt betrayed, hurt, unloved, you name it, I felt like the scum of the earth and she was to focused on herself. She would tell me that she felt dead inside and had no romantic feelings for me. She hoped that once she figure herself out, we might have a chance, but I was to give her space and let her figure it out. Needless to say, I felt like I was just to sit in the corner and wait for her to decided if I was "the one" or not. The hurt kept getting worse and worse and she didn't seem to get it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm sorry for your pain and know how devastating it is. Read this: 

Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights « betrayed but recovering

You were within your rights to check up on her private life - she should not expect any privacy until you start giving it back

Know that she is in the fog, this affair is literally like a drug addiction she will do whatever she can, lie, accuse steal to feed that addiction

If she is intent on separation you need to let go, you can't control her decisions but set some ground rules, any cheating results in divorce.

You are entitled to live in your home because you have done nothing wrong. Don't let her try to blame you or your faults in the marriage for leading to her infidelity, it was her decision to CHEAT and she will have to own up to that.

I'm sorry you are stuck with the hard decisions, but if you don't take swift and firm action she will just take advantage of you, Personally I don't know how long this "fog" lasts, my wife has been in it since March and I think she is starting to feel a lot of strain and getting angry/confused for not knowing why, though she is still convinced that her new life is just great - she is now trying to put her anger on me but I'm prepared enough (I think) at this point to not take that from her, but its a tough process.


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