# Not sure what to do



## Bethwinograd (Jul 3, 2020)

I been married for almost 35 years.I completely trusted my husband.About a year ago I found out that my husband had an emotional affair with my daughter’s close friend She was working with my husband and they been texting each other how much they love each other She’s married with a son.Its a year later and I can’t seem to forgive him He’s says he loves me but I don’t think that’s enough We haven’t been intimate for years.L don’t know if I should separate from him I’m 61 years old He’s 65.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

How pleasant is your marriage apart from this emotional affair? It's not unusual for some people to slow down or stop having sex as they get older and only you can judge if that's something you can live without. 

But how do you get along on a daily basis? Do you have some fun together and are things civil or are you fighting all the time and under pressure and feeling tense? 

You've been together so long and you're at the age where you will need each other. If you're miserable, then I guess no reason to stay with him as long as you can get along without him and have other support systems in place. 

But if you're getting along generally, I don't know that I would throw away that many years at your age for an emotional affair. Sometimes people get close working together. Also sometimes people who work together and are both married flirt more than they might if they were both single because it gives them both a layer of kind of protection that they don't really have to act on it. 

If you'd be happier without him, do whatever you think. Otherwise you need to tell him if he wants to stay, the texting with her after hours or about anything other than business has to stop because that is just too disrespectful to you. It's unlikely she would leave her marriage for him unless she was already planning to before this started. He says he loves you so it doesn't sound like he really wants to lose you. You may both need some counseling to get past it.

I'm real sorry you're having to deal with this. it must be very tiresome having to deal with something like this after being married for 35 years and investing all that you've invested in the marriage.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bethwinograd said:


> I been married for almost 35 years.I completely trusted my husband.About a year ago I found out that my husband had an emotional affair with my daughter’s close friend She was working with my husband and they been texting each other how much they love each other She’s married with a son.Its a year later and I can’t seem to forgive him He’s says he loves me but I don’t think that’s enough We haven’t been intimate for years.L don’t know if I should separate from him I’m 61 years old He’s 65.


What is the reason for the lack of intimacy for "years"? It sounds like something's been not-quite-right in your marriage for a lot longer than the year you've known about his emotional affair. Also, if you chose your name as your "name" here, I would change it. A simple google search would show your posts and that might not be your intent.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*@Bethwinograd*

If your user name is your real name, it would be a good idea for you to change it so that you remain anonymous here on TAM. Let me know how you would like your user name changed to and I'll do it for you.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Bethwinograd said:


> We haven’t been intimate for years.


This is a huge part of the problem which exists in your marriage. It is not the "cause" of his selfish actions in that emotional affair. That is all on him. But you will have to "own" your contribution to the marital problem of no intimacy.

Without intimacy, there is no marriage. There is no other reason to be married. Marriage is not for support, comfort, white-picket-fence, etc. It is totally unfair for any marital partner to expect their spouse to remain faithful to their vows when the other vows are not being kept. It makes a complete mockery of the marriage.



DownByTheRiver said:


> It's unlikely she would leave her marriage for him


Not unless he's got more money than her husband. A person who "sugar-daddies" an older man is in this for one reason, and one reason only, and lacks the moral fiber necessary to be a decent and upright person.


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