# I hate my husband so much i can't believe it!



## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

I filed for divorce few weeks ago when i discovered husband was cheating on me with girls at massage parlors that are essentially brothels. I moved to my parents house, where i am currently living as i can't see him anymore. He is such a manipulator and a jerk. Looking back i see there were some red flags, like when i initiated sex he often used to say "i am not in the mood" of course he wasn't in the mood when he already got his release!!! 

I posted on this website before about my situation and now it's all coming back to me. Last week he comes to me saying to me everything he did with those girls. Like what is this for? 
he was soo remorseful, sorry etc wants to make things good again but to me it means nothing. I can't think of anything else except thinking how he used those girls for his own pleasure, using them to bath him, touch him, and have sex with him.

I am so disgusted. I even cheated on him as revenge and this is where he stopped apologizing and stopped communicating with me.

We have a son together and i hate him so much. Imagining he has been going to those places while i was cooking dinner at home, talking to me on the phone while telling a girl to pleasure him, oh god i feel like i will die. 

I really hope he will die a painful death. I promised him that i won't come to his funeral. I want to make his life a hell.

I regret not slapping him when he suggested counseling. I bet if i would be working at that place, and doing what those girls were doing to him to other guys he would end things with me in a second.


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

I think deep inside you still have feelings for him, that you still love him, and you are scared to admit that to yourself - something deep inside of you knows you were meant to be together - but you are scared to face your true feelings so you vent and pretend that you hate him.

The sooner you accept the fact that you still love him......the sooner you will start to feel better.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

hmmm...looks like Counterfit is a wh... maybe of pattiroxxi?

Patti, use the anger and hate. Skip the revenge affairs because that is just stupid. Move forward.

And yeah, you have reason to hate.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Indifference. That is the opposite of love. Hate requires feeling something for the person you hate. In order to move on you need to find indifference to him.

It is a hard road to achieve indifference. Most take the hate road because it is easier.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Counterfit said:


> I think deep inside you still have feelings for him, that you still love him, and you are scared to admit that to yourself - something deep inside of you knows you were meant to be together - but you are scared to face your true feelings so you vent and pretend that you hate him.
> 
> The sooner you accept the fact that you still love him......the sooner you will start to feel better.


:scratchhead: Strange advice


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pattiroxxi,

You need to give yourself time to heal and get over him. You will.

You also need to stop talking to him about anything except things related to your son.

Tell him that you will not talk to him any more. He has to communicate via email/txt and only things related to your son. 

When you receive an email/txt wait 24 hours to respond unless it's an emergency. When you do respond, ignore anything emotional or personal he writes. Only respond to things related to shared custody of your son.

When I got my divorce, I had my attorney send a letter to his attorney saying that he had to use email (we did not have text in 1996). 

Look at the 180 link in my signature block below. That is how you need to interact with him when you do.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I think you may as well pack this one in. 
Look for a place to live. 
Do the 180 and move onto better things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

CantePe said:


> Indifference. That is the opposite of love. Hate requires feeling something for the person you hate. In order to move on you need to find indifference to him.
> 
> It is a hard road to achieve indifference. Most take the hate road because it is easier.


I agree with this, It takes quite a bit of time and quite a bit of true self-healing to find indifference. You can't circumvent anger. It's a great concept to jump to indifference, but in practice it could take years.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I can understand why some posters have suggested you are still in love with him. And you most likely are as the hate is coming from the great deal of betrayal you feel. Only those closest to us can truly betray us as we have given them our love and trust. You can have trust without love but no love without trust.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

Counterfit said:


> I think deep inside you still have feelings for him, that you still love him, and you are scared to admit that to yourself - something deep inside of you knows you were meant to be together - but you are scared to face your true feelings so you vent and pretend that you hate him.
> 
> The sooner you accept the fact that you still love him......the sooner you will start to feel better.


No, i don't like him anymore, i am usually calm but sometimes when i imagine him at the massage parlor i get angry and want revenge.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

Fenix said:


> hmmm...looks like Counterfit is a wh... maybe of pattiroxxi?
> 
> Patti, use the anger and hate. Skip the revenge affairs because that is just stupid. Move forward.
> 
> And yeah, you have reason to hate.


Well, if i would have no revenge affairs, i would have most likely committed a crime which would be much worse don't you think?
i feel much better when i service other guys. I want him to feel what i felt. 

I honestly would rather want him to have an affair than going to these places. I feel jealousy a lot of the times when i imagine young girls doing stuff to him. 

I learned my lesson, that is you never know what people do behind your back. Sad but true.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

First, revenge hurts you more than him.

You go and do something to "get back at him", how do you feel about YOuRSELF? (it is NOT a good feeling)

After you have done something to "get back at him, how does he feel? Probably vindicated. "See, she's just as bad as I am".

Revenge is not the answer.

Your feeling of hate most likely is, as has been pointed out, the betrayal of the one person you most trusted with your love.

Google the term "detachment" from relationships/marriage. And start implementing the detachment. I would also suggest you start working on forgiveness...of yourself. You need to forgive yourself for feeling like you have made such a mistake marrying this person.

Then, start working towards indifference/ambivalence. 

Do the 180, for you.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

movealong said:


> First, revenge hurts you more than him.
> 
> You go and do something to "get back at him", how do you feel about YOuRSELF? (it is NOT a good feeling)
> 
> ...


I think the feeling of hate comes more from jealousy than betrayal.
Its the imaginations of what he was doing there that make me furious. Not emotions, sure there is some betrayal but i am a jealous person by nature, so it's more of the images that keep coming to me that hurt me and make me feel angry.


I was a dumb idiot because i did what people told me to, people need to look deep down into the reality to figure out what's going on behind the curtains.

I think it pisses him off and makes him feel bad, no it helps me to get better, being serious here. 


Thank you for your input though.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Pattiroxxi said:


> No, i don't like him anymore, i am usually calm but sometimes when i imagine him at the massage parlor i get angry and want revenge.


 Understandable reaction. The rage could be do to the sheer disrespect that he has shown you and your family (kids?). I don't agree that indifference is the opposite of love. What it is is the desired state that you want to attain. You do not love him, you do not like him, you hate him...for what he has done to you, for how he has shown his disregard for you. That hate is healthy in the short term. Use it to detach. Only upon detachment can you start to work toward indifference. Every time you feel the hate welling up inside, distract yourself...and not by a revenge affair. Distract yourself with hard physical exercise outside (if possible) and visualization.



Pattiroxxi said:


> Well, if i would have no revenge affairs, i would have most likely committed a crime which would be much worse don't you think?
> i feel much better when i service other guys. I want him to feel what i felt.
> 
> I honestly would rather want him to have an affair than going to these places. I feel jealousy a lot of the times when i imagine young girls doing stuff to him.
> ...


 Well, that is a ST lesson and not the real lesson imo. STOP with the revenge affairs because you are hurting yourself. That is not the way to revenge. Revenge is living well and growing in strength and joy. He is a POS. That is it. He is not worth this. YOU are worth better than him. Be careful about the affair wishes. As the BS of a serial cheater, I can tell you that is pretty horrible too.



movealong said:


> First, revenge hurts you more than him.
> 
> You go and do something to "get back at him", how do you feel about YOuRSELF? (it is NOT a good feeling)
> 
> ...


Excellent advice.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Hate and anger is a stage. Eventually you will be indifferent. That will make co-parenting easier.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Counterfit said:


> I think deep inside you still have feelings for him, that you still love him, and you are scared to admit that to yourself - something deep inside of you knows you were meant to be together - but you are scared to face your true feelings so you vent and pretend that you hate him.
> 
> The sooner you accept the fact that you still love him......the sooner you will start to feel better.



I think I understand this. It seems it all came about so suddenly, op wasn't out of love w H. She now has to learn to really stop loving him, to detach from him, detach her love from him, when she really wasn't planning on it in the first place... 

I lived w hate for many months, it's an ugly emotion, and you have every reason to feel it. I'm really sorry you're going through this. 

-sammy


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Pattiroxxi said:


> . . . .
> We have a son together and i hate him so much. Imagining he has been going to those places while i was cooking dinner at home, talking to me on the phone while telling a girl to pleasure him, oh god i feel like i will die.
> 
> I really hope he will die a painful death. I promised him that i won't come to his funeral. I want to make his life a hell.
> . . . .


*Howdy Patti:*

Notwithstanding the raw nerve of the utter pain and betrayal you are suffering, the first sentence of the above excerpt in your original post is most important. The child is the innocent and un-defendable here. Don’t let overwhelming and justifiable hatred of this scalawag further scar this young child. Your mission is not to exact vengeance on the S.O.B. but rather to extract yourselves from his miserable life and amicably move on. The best revenge is living well and that is long term.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

sammy3 said:


> I think I understand this. It seems it all came about so suddenly, op wasn't out of love w H. She now has to learn to really stop loving him, to detach from him, detach her love from him, when she really wasn't planning on it in the first place...
> 
> I lived w hate for many months, it's an ugly emotion, and you have every reason to feel it. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
> 
> -sammy


Well, he was my partner! imagine if your husband would let a younger woman to rub him all over naked! 

It feels so bad i can't explain it. But i think you're right.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He lacks self control and integrity. You and your son deserve better.

You've had a terrible shock to your system. Terrible.


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

indiecat said:


> He lacks self control and integrity. You and your son deserve better.
> 
> You've had a terrible shock to your system. Terrible.


You bet i did!


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Yep. But you will survive and be stronger for it. Life is going to rock again.


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