# Is this what marriage is supposed to be?



## CheckPlease (May 13, 2011)

My 30th birthday is coming up in June. I really want to go to Miami, because I never been. My husband is being an ass and is refusing to go because of issues in our relationship.

M husband complains every week that Im not cleaning up, cooking, or having sex with him regularly. Im sick of not living up to his expectations of what a wife should be. He seriously wants me to be his mother. I work fulltime and pay bills like he does. I have 3 kids 1, 4, and 10. He nags that the house is dirty or the laundry is piling up or that Im not cooking enough. Please give me advice.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

If you have more sex he might lighten up about the other things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I don't know your husband, but for most men if you choose one thing to work on, sex pretty much trumps everything else. If I'm getting what I need in that department, I can live on PB&J and won't care what the kitchen looks like.


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## Dominion (May 16, 2011)

What you describe is symptomatic of a lot more going on here. Your need to go to Miami when he doesn't want to go says a lot. Yeah, he may complain a lot. I suspect you both are dealing with issues that lead to the symptoms you describe. Lack of sex and nagging are clearly signs of either a lack of communication or a change in future goals. I suspect the Miami trip is a huge indication of the underlying issues.


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## GitanaGirasol (Apr 21, 2011)

I see the comments about "give him more sex" regularly around here, and that's really unfortunate. Have more sex if you *want* to have more sex, not because you feel you need to to not piss him off. If that means talking about how it could be better, awesome, do that and proceed. Maybe that will help.

Secondly, it's really unfortunate that he's not game for Miami. I went through the same thing, but about our honeymoon. Yeh. No honeymoon. It hurts and it's so frustrating, because I imagine to you it would be special, and he's not recognizing that at all. 

You need to have a calm talk about the burdens around the house. Ask him for help, see how that goes, try a new schedule for a week. I feel like you might have to go through some trial and error in order to find what works. 

Stay strong, don't let him break you down. You are not asking for unreasonable things - respect, help around the house, and a birthday weekend. These shouldn't be a big deal!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

How much does he do around the house? Does he complain that he is doing too much while you are doing too little, or is he just mad you don't do most of it and simply settle for his "help?" If it is the former, listen to his complaints and try to ignore the way things are stated (you can work on communication too, but start by just hearing complaints as an expression of his needs). If the balance is out of whack, set up a schedule for both of you to tackle chores, preferably together. It is common to divide and conquer the household chores, but try doing them together and make it more fun. You both will finish at the same time that way, and feel better about the joint effort. If he is expecting you to do everything, you really need to talk about expectations b/c his may be unrealistic for a 2 income family. You are not his mother and nothing will kill your desire for him faster than feeling like you are. 

Get into counseling, too. With 3 kids and these issues, you will need help to fix them or in a couple of years, you will be walking out on him. Good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your marriage is not the model of a good relationship, you are both unhappy. Without more info, you description makes him out to be the villain. If he is truly punishing you for not adhearing to his unreasonable demands then he is an azzz. Why he behaves this way is the mystery.

If you married him this way then you hooked your future to a self-centered man looking for a maid, woman to bare his kids and someone who helps with the household expenses has. He is unlikey to change if he has always been self-centered and demanding. If this behavior evolved over time then there is more going on as Dominion points out. I think you need a professional to help resolve your issues. 

Having more sex to make him do his fair share of the housework will make you a prostitute, you're his wife not a service worker. Don't reward him for his behavior but use your judgement on this. If he is not loving then it makes no sense to give any physical loving until he is. Have you made any attempt at talking about your problems? How far do you get? I think your problems are serious enough to need a professional third party intervention.

What ever you do, a fair and equatable distribution of the household chores is absolutely required. If he refuses to help find out why he thinks that this is fair and why he thinks you should have sex with him when he is unloving and unfair. get help your marriagecis going south.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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