# I have to ask



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I usually don't hang around in here. I don't really belong 

But I need the guys advice on this one. My SO works really hard. He's never had a REAL vacation. If you've read any of my posts, you know how I feel about him.

I had been saving up to surprise him with a cruise. I was thisclose to having the whole enchilada saved, along with some spending money (enough for him to enjoy the casino!!!!). 
I know I have to put the deposit down and have so long to pay off the booking. I delayed b/c I wanted to see if I could afford "better" accommodations. I was planning on booking this fall, for a trip next spring. 

This winter our central heating system went out. Completely and totally. We've been using electric heaters and the original wall furnace that was in the house (after having it throughly checked out and serviced). We've been getting by this winter like this. Our system is one of those combination units...the a/c and heat are one big unit outside. I had two servicemen out here, and they both said the same thing...it'd be just as cheap to replace the whole unit as it would be to keep the current central a/c, and have central heat installed in the house (like in a closet, you know?). It's going to run about $5,000 to do this. 

My question...do I hand him the passbook to the secret savings account that has our cruise money in it? It's ALMOST enough to pay for the new unit. Or do I continue to save, and just do what we can when we can to get the new unit. I'm not sure which one he'd rather do, honestly. Just need some input here, please! And thank you ahead of time.....


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Well, this my pov. I'd be blown away by you wanting and having saved 5000 dollars for a vacation with me (or w/e). Would be better than the vacation in my book. So yeah, you could tell him of he is anything like me and then decide together what you want to do. 

Just me, I appreciate the thought more than the gift in the end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If you showed me the money, I would appreciate the gesture - and feel like a large burden (no heat!) had just been lifted from my shoulders!

Sorry, but you may need to put the cruise off a bit.


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Well, now I'm kinda stressing. I didn't even think about what his reaction would be when he finds out I've been socking money away. I have saved this for YEARS (literally) even during some lean times. He's one of the "nice guys" you hear about, but now I'm wondering if he's going to be angry that I had a secret account during times when we probably could have dipped into the money. I'm worried that the fact that we got through those lean times without having to get into the savings will be lost on him. 
Yeesh..what have I done???


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

major misfit said:


> Well, now I'm kinda stressing. I didn't even think about what his reaction would be when he finds out I've been socking money away. I have saved this for YEARS (literally) even during some lean times. He's one of the "nice guys" you hear about, but now I'm wondering if he's going to be angry that I had a secret account during times when we probably could have dipped into the money. I'm worried that the fact that we got through those lean times without having to get into the savings will be lost on him.
> Yeesh..what have I done???


Was kinda wondering about that, but since you didn't mention it I assumed it wasn't an issue.

Yes - my initial reaction would be to quiz you about why and how you've saved so much money. But my secondary reaction would still be some relief that the cost of the new furnace is covered.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'd have another furnace guy look at it. and I would tell him you have estimates for it to be repaired.

the last time i had someone look at mt furnace I was told the same thing and I ended up fixing it myself and it lasted another 12 yrs.

some repairmen just want to maximize their profits.If you know someone you trust that works on furnaces you might want to ask them.

I would be extremly happy that my wife saved money to take me on a vacation I can't see how anyone could possibly hold that aginst you.What a great Wife.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

What about splitting the difference? Could you finance or split up the repair if you put say half down and then either do a shorter/closer cruise or a cheaper vacation? A cruise is amazing, but maybe you could do a week in the mountains or in a city you've always wanted to visit instead? Or if you want something really exotic feeling, do a trip to Puerto Rico and lay on the beach there for less than the cruise, but still be doing a "real vacation". There are lots of "real" things to do that are less than $5k and would at least give you a good start on the furnace repair.


----------



## jonny (Jan 8, 2011)

I don't know the history - 

I think you said you've posted before about saving up for this cruise. As long as you can show him those posts from how ever long back - 'might' ease the blow of you secretly saving / not telling him.

But yeah - it's the thought, and also how you approach it.

Make sure you bring up what you said here - how awesome he is, how hard he works, and that you've been trying to plan something for years for him. Tell him about it - and suggest that you start a 'cruise' savings fund IF you use that cash to pay for the furnace.

If you can't pay for it with cash right now, it's better to use the money you have than to throw it on something that's accruing interest, like a credit card or line of credit. 

You do have to do it now. IF you keep it a secret through this then you might have some big problems later.

Unless you guys have a chunk of cash saved for a rainy day like this and you won't be dipping into debt. 

But you know your hubby better than I do.

Me - personally - I'd be pleased that she was trying to save up for a trip for us - but our accounts are setup in a way that would allow that. We have a joint account, and each have personal accounts. we both put 70% of everything we make in the pot - other 30% for personal spending / car / meals / gifts etc. That way I could care less that my wife bought a 5th pair of boots, or how much they cost. And she doesn't care if I buy a new compressor or tool. Saying that - I'm always questioned on my purchases. lol.

that's changing though.

GOOD LUCK! If your intentions truly were to save up for a trip - and nothing else. not a backup emergency fund for yourself incase of breakup etc. Or not a need to have your own money . . . then you should be good when the smoke clears - IF there is any smoke!


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I once socked away a little over $500 in the space of 6 months just by putting change from small purchases in my old guitar case. I, too, was petrified to let the W know, but I finally came clean with it. She was ecstatic, saying it was a wonderful surprise! Then she promptly put it in the bank!
Talk about dodging a bullet and then shooting yourself in the foot with it!


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Man, would people really be upset about having 5000 dollars hidden away? I would be proud of my girl, realy proud and tell her to keep it. It's hers. Even if she saved it from my money.


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi MM

i always save money for things. i take out small amounts that can be put back, if we need food or gas.

i pretend i dont have it because really we dont. its change from a five or 99 cents, and if i didnt "misplace" it, i would have spent it at the mall or buying food.

once i saved 300 twice in 12 months, and i later told my husband about it. he asked me where the money went, i said well we nickled and dimed it away. gas, or milk...

we said he would have rather had a wii [thats what we were saving for] he said there was no reason to have used that money. we make it work out.

but for you i dont know...if the money worked its self out, then i would say nothing. also its cheaper in the summer to fix a furnace, and cheaper in the winter to fix the AC.

if it looked like the money has nowhere to come from, then i would just call a repair man and pay to get it fixed, and maybe lie about how much it costs, like i got a REALLY good deal.


----------



## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

What ever you do, don't finance anything that you don't have to. That's the first step in getting ahead in life.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Say you'd been saving for a honeymoon...

...you know...

_...just in case._


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Thank you all for your help. It never occurred to me that he might wonder about the money. I have scrimped to death to put that money back. We have a joint account, and both our monies go into there. I opened this account in another bank (his mother used to work at the bank where we have our joint account at) and I didn't ever want her to see it. 

That money was for US ONLY...never my intention to put it away "just in case". I'm as dedicated to this man as it gets. I'm going nowhere. It's just what I've seen him go through sometimes...I've seen him go to work with two cracked ribs, and didn't tell anyone b/c he didn't want to be put on light duty. He's gone to work sick. He's gone to work hurt. He works production, and everyone seems to call in b/c of a hangnail. He has over 200 sick hours right now. He deals with a ton of stress, b/c he's in a position of semi authority (he has to try to keep everyone doing their jobs, and pick up their slack when they don't). He gets there before anyone else, and leaves after everyone else. I wanted to show him my appreciation. He's always talked about a cruise being something he'd love to do, so that's why I picked that. 

I guess I'm going to find out his reaction when I show him the passbook. I thought about this all day...and if I know him like I THINK I do, he's going to be thrilled. It honestly never occurred to me that he'd have any other reaction until y'all made me think about it. And I'm GLAD you did, btw. I NEEDED to think about that. I want him to trust me with everything he is, and to this point I've given him NO reason to mistrust me. EVER. I don't plan on it, either. 

I do think I'm going to get that third opinion, and I appreciate the heads up about it being cheaper to repair during the summer. Someone had told me that, so that's why we're waiting. We've got heat, we're not freezing to death, so we're good. But we do either need to make the repair or get a new one. I guess I'll find out. 

Atholk..I couldn't tell him I was saving for a honeymoon...he'd see through that one immediately. He knows how I feel about marriage, and he'd never believe I changed my mind. 

Even with the joint bank account, he never says anything about my expenditures (but I am damned careful about what I spend). The only other person I don't scrimp on is my son. He gets survivors benefits (as do I..which is where a lot of the money came from) so if he needs something, he gets it. He just wants the lights to stay on, lol! I don't say anything about his, either. He works hard...he gets to do what he wants. He doesn't need to ask me, he just does it out of courtesy, b/c I pay the bills. He likes it like that. 

Thanks you guys (and PK, you too!). I needed help on this one. I'm going to wait until I hit the 5,000 mark to show him the passbook. If you never hear from me again, you'll know why. :rofl:


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tell him about it.

Then both decide what to do.

He'll likely breathe a sigh of relief and thank God Almighty you are a thoughtful as you apparently are.


----------

