# Being a Step Parent is always Silver, Never Gold



## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

i'm a stepmom, i'll never be gold to her and that's ok. there's really no room for me to be gold to her...her mom is there to guide and love her.Dad is there to guide and to love her. i'm extra...like a fun bonus who respects her place in the family as long as she respects mine.
i always thought that kids will be close to those who were there for them during the rough times of growing up.but they'll always have that hope of "one day mommy will come and she'll be the best mommy ever" or "one day my daddy will be here and i just know he loves me." it's just normal for a kid to feel that way I think especially when they see relationships between other families.
playing second fiddle doesn't always go with being a step...there are lots of cases where the step becomes more important and appreciated than the bio I'm sure. I work with a girl who adores her stepmom but wouldn't give her biomom the time of day.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

I agree with your edit...definitely less common at least from what i've witnessed from various message boards and google searches.

divorce being illegal...interesting concept. i can see how that view could light fires for a debate or an argument


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

My husband is my oldest son's step-dad, but he's been around since he was two and raised him since he was four. One of the major problems with my son and his step-dad is that my husband had to fight to be able to raise him like he would his own son. He constantly battled my parents and my son's other grandparents. They constantly coddled my son and gave him whatever he wanted, and my husband didn't agree with that. They always called and complained about how my husband handled something with my son, or said he was too strict, or whatever. This led to feelings of resentment. Whenever my son couldn't get what he wanted out of me or my husband, he ran (still does) to his grandparents. Oh, plus my son, who is 18 now, treats his "father" like he is gold. Even though he was never there for him and did crappy stuff like take hundreds of dollars from his father (my son's grandfather) that he gave him to buy my son christmas presents and instead went to Florida with it, and told a friend when I was in labor that he hoped both of us died, and didn't even see him until months after he was born. This really ticks my husband off that he has been the one raising him, disciplining him, trying to turn him into a good person and yet this P.O.S. gets all the glory. 

So yeah, step-parenting is tough and it has been tough to be in the middle of it too. There just isn't that loving bond you get when it's your real kid. I believe there are some real successful step-parenting families...it depends on the person I guess.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I'm not sure about the kids, but my first pet tore the sh$t out of my yard and destroyed all the wifes flowerbeds. If the little thing wasn't so cute, I'd consider euthanasia.

At least she calmed down in her old age and is now enjoying lazy dog life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

While I think the majority would agree with that, I would have to say it not completely the case. I was raised by my Stepfather who met my mother when I was a little older than two, married my mother when I was three and adopted me when I was 12. He's the only Father I have ever really known and when I have reached out to my biological Father he's always run the other way. On the other hand , I have three Stepchildren and only have problems with one of them.
As for the idea's on divorce being illegal, that's just a stupid thing to say. Are you saying that if there wasn't divorce there wouldn't be Step parents? If so what about remarrying after death of a spouse or what if a child's parents never marry in the first place (or are you implying that just because a man gets a woman pregnant that they HAVE to get married).


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> I think step parents are kind of to blame in many regards. As when its all said and done, when you marry, that should be it. No divorce, no remarrying and certainly no 'step' anything


I agree. I think two people should exhaust themselves trying to work it out at least if kids are involved.

I don't have a step parent situation yet, but my wife divorced me because she "wasn't happy." There was no turmoil as far as my kids could see, so they hated the idea of divorce. My x is trying to date someone and my daughter simply can't stand him. 

She can't stand for him to even come over. Honestly, if they ever get married, I can see my daughter wanting to live with me, but it was all in the name of my wife's happiness with no consideration for the kids.


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

I'm a "step" parent who got the kids full time at age 2 and 4. They saw their bio mom a handful of times over the years (she basically abandoned them.) My husband and I eventually went to court and terminated her rights so I could adopt them. Which works out now because since my husband wanted a separation MY kids are legally allowed to come with ME. 

They think about their bio mom. They are hurt by what she did. But I am gold, not silver in their eyes. So it CAN happen. But if their mother had been worth "gold" in the first place, I would have been perfectly happy to remain "silver." She made that choice.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Words of wisdom from a step-parent who is about to not be a step-parent.

Always demand respect.

If your partner doesn't see it, make them see.

If they still refuse to see, leave.

You cannot overcome that hill if you don't have respect.

Love is silver. Respect is gold.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My son (technically, my stepson) is 31 years old. I met him when he was 3. His mom and I divorced when he was about 8 but she gave me custody of him and his sister. Anyway, in his mind, he only has one dad and the prefix "step" doesn't enter either of our minds. You can call someone a parent, a stepparent, or a fruit salad but kids know who has their back and that person, by any name, is their true parent.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Don't agree. It varies and I have had some very meaningful moments with step children and once a bad one. Its a different relationship but if you work at it it can work out, though it is harder than being a regular parent.


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