# Marriage in Trouble



## stalemate (May 13, 2010)

My marriage has been on the decline almost since it started 9 years ago. I fully admit to my own part in the problem. I have bipolar disorder and shortly after our wedding I plunged into my worst episode of depression ever. I slept for at least 20 hours a day almost every day for several years. With therapy, new meds and a lot of work I have pulled myself out of the hole and I'm back to working full days again. You would think that would improve the relationship but instead it has made the problems even more obvious.

Now that I am feeling more alive than I have in a decade I find that I expect more out of myself and others...including my husband. He is just not up to the challenge. He has been unemployed for over a year and has dealt with some depression of his own. Now he is getting help and feeling better but we still don't have a physical relationship. We haven't had sex in over a year.

The thing is, he is a really nice guy and he makes a great friend but I am not sure that it is enough for me anymore. I want to really live and not just exist anymore but I feel like he is holding me back. He is 10 years older than I am and very set in his ways. He is never spontaneous so getting him to actively participate in activities means lots of advance planning.

I also find myself cleaning up after him a lot. He has been home all day for a year but his help with the housework is minimal. There are many days when I wish I lived alone just because it is tiring to pick up after him.

I have decided to take my time to make this decision and I have given him fair warning that I am thinking about leaving. I have been through a divorce once before and it was very difficult on me emotionally. I don't want to do anything that will jeapordize my new-found emotional stability. In trying to decide whether to stay or go I have found myself making lists of the pros and cons of divorce. This hasn't helped since I can make a list but I don't know how to weight the items listed.

Any advice on how to make this difficult decision?


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