# Am I overreacting?



## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

Hey there, I am 27 and my gf is 23. We've been dating 3 months now. She's pretty, smart and nice and all, but she does seem to have a maturity issue. 

We were in walmart shopping and she wanted to go to the toy aisle so we went. There was this large bin with large balls. She grabbed two of them and started bouncing them around laughing. As people walked by many looked, the people in the aisle starred. Then when she was pushing the cart she'd put one foot on the bar near your feet and the other she'd use to boost momentum and would fly through the aisles. I finally told her I should push the cart, so she agreed. On the first incident I just walked up to her and whispered "******, please stop, you are being embarassing and people are looking". She apologized and stopped.

She does things like this fairly often and it bugs me.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Would she call you out on something she didn't like you doing?
You didn't like it...you called her out on it. So no your not overreacting.
I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Assuming she is not crazy or something....in a way is it not nice that her inner child is still alive and playful.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Maturity is overrated. She sounds like a fun girl.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

im_tam said:


> Assuming she is not crazy or something....in a way is it not nice that her inner child is still alive and playful.


That's what I'm thinking! I mean, if she's not acting like a lunatic, let her have her fun! Join in and have fun with her. However, if she starts mowing down kids with the cart while she's zooming down the isles, then yes, you might have a problem! 

Happy and fun girls are, well, fun!

Maturity is over rated when it comes to everyday fun things. Much needed when it's time to be serious...but everyday life? Hell with it!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I'm 41 and still do those things. As long as she is serious when it is warranted, I don't see how this would be an issue. There are too many people who let their inner child die the moment they reach adulthood. Enjoy that she has kept hers alive.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

I'm not quite as old as TRBE (not far off, though) - and I still scoot along on the trollies in the supermarket.

She sounds like a fun girl - so long as she's not damaging property, endangering people, etc, what's the problem?

Playful can be a lot of fun (in many aspects of a relationship!)


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I do the trolley thing

Husband does it too. Kids think it's hilarious! Especially if you have shoes with no grip and can get momentum up then see how far you can slide down the aisle one foot in front of the other.

Husband is more liable to do the ball thing, I just roll my eyes and let him answer when the four-year-old asks what he's doing


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

I don't necessarily think you're overreacting.

But she sounds like a lovely kid at heart. I was with one of those once...I have to say, it's refreshing. 

To each their own. I would maybe loosen up, but that's just me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

At 23 I did these things.

I even still do these things, much less often and never so that my kids can see and learn to do it from me, but I still do it.

She's being playful, that's a good thing especially if she does it around you. It means she's including you in the fun.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Yes you are


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Hey there, I am 27 and my gf is 23. We've been dating 3 months now. She's pretty, smart and nice and all, but she does seem to have a maturity issue.
> 
> We were in walmart shopping and she wanted to go to the toy aisle so we went. There was this large bin with large balls. She grabbed two of them and started bouncing them around laughing. As people walked by many looked, the people in the aisle starred. Then when she was pushing the cart she'd put one foot on the bar near your feet and the other she'd use to boost momentum and would fly through the aisles. I finally told her I should push the cart, so she agreed. On the first incident I just walked up to her and whispered "******, please stop, you are being embarassing and people are looking". She apologized and stopped.
> 
> She does things like this fairly often and it bugs me.


old fuddy duddy comes to mind.Those people don't know you,who cares what they think?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What are you? Some kind of stick in the mud? Lighten up. Life is too short.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I do that and I have a bunch of gray hair. There just aren't that many opportunities for fun in this world so why not grab the ones you get? Simple little things like that can be joyful. 

I would be worried if she was never serious about anything at all.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I'm 50 years old. It's pretty typical for me to get a running start with my cart once I leave the store and coast all the way to my car. The fact that it embarrasses the kids is a bonus. 

The fact that I can still do it is a double bonus.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SO knows I blush easily if the focus is on me and takes great joy in being silly publicly just to watch me get red.
I end up laughing so hard  It's fun even if I get red


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

12 years ago my then 12-year-old daughter and I were in the airport in Jo-burg after spending nearly 18 hours in a plane. We ran through the airport like we were being chased by a bear, laughing and blowing off steam. 

People looked at us like we were f*cking crazy. But so what?

Life's too short as it is. Why waste time being unnecessarily serious?


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

Thing is, this isn't the first time she does embarrassing stuff while we're out. She'll pick her nose, bit her nails, constantly mess with her hair etc. One time we were out at a rather nice place eating and she started playing with her food like it was alive (she got some lobster). 

Just gets really old.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

JohnStew said:


> Thing is, this isn't the first time she does embarrassing stuff while we're out. She'll pick her nose, bit her nails, constantly mess with her hair etc. One time we were out at a rather nice place eating and she started playing with her food like it was alive (she got some lobster).
> 
> Just gets really old.


Ha, I'm certainly on board with you on the nose-picking thing, but it's almost a sure bet I'd be playing with the lobster, too.

Sounds like you two simply aren't a good match.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Thins is, this isn't the first time she does embarrassing stuff while we're out. She'll pick her nose, bit her nails, constantly mess with her hair etc. One time we were out at a rather nice place eating and she started playing with her food like it was alive (she got some lobster).
> 
> Just gets really old.


The nosepicking thing I couldn't tolerate,that's just gross and rude.

When you talk to her about it,what does she say?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's incredibly sad that you're going to crush this vibrant girl's spirit. If you dump her, please tell her it's for some other reason. Don't ruin her by making her think her playfulness is bad.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife is a huge cut-up and she's 46. I'm a little older and a lot more conservative but she has helped me lighten up. You can have fun and the world will still turn. You can behave when you're dead. A ship needs a sail and an anchor. My wife's the sail and I'm the anchor. She keeps life from being boring and I keep us out of jail.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> She keeps life from being boring and I keep us out of jail.


:smthumbup: that is really cute!


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

I just don't swing that way. I prefer a more organized mature environment. 

When I'm with her I want people to think I'm with a woman, not someone who acts like they're 12. 

I had an ex gf that was 24 and she NEVER acted like this! Only reason we broke up is her moving for school.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dude you are dating for 3 months only....move on if you aren't into her! Duh.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> I just don't swing that way. I prefer a more organized mature environment.
> 
> When I'm with her I want people to think I'm with a woman, not someone who acts like they're 12.
> 
> I had an ex gf that was 24 and she NEVER acted like this! Only reason we broke up is her moving for school.


I'd enjoy hearing your girlfriend's point of view on these things.
So if someone is silly in public and does kooky things they're a child suddenly?

You should probably break up with her so another man can enjoy her free spirit


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Dude you are dating for 3 months only....move on if you aren't into her! Duh.


Well I do like many other aspects about her, and hopefully this was a rare occurrence. Regardless, she apologized and said she won't do it again. 

If I wanted to see this I could visit a kindergarten class


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

JohnStew said:


> Well I do like many other aspects about her, and hopefully this was a rare occurrence. Regardless, she apologized and said she won't do it again.
> 
> If I wanted to see this I could visit a kindergarten class


You'd be doing both of you a huge favor in simply moving on.


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd enjoy hearing your girlfriend's point of view on these things.
> So if someone is silly in public and does kooky things they're a child suddenly?
> 
> You should probably break up with her so another man can enjoy her free spirit


When I talked to her about it she apologized and said she'd behave better. I do think there is a level of decency when out in public, yes.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

What did you expect us to say? I've dated tons of people for 3 months or less....it is not a committed long term relationship at that point, so if you aren't digging what she's giving, you simply break up. Again, what ELSE did you expect us to say? Did you think we had some magical way to stop her from acting childish, some rule you could impose on her?


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

Hopefully along the lines of: "You're not overreacting, she's 23 and an adult, she should be acting more mature, especially when she's around her partner".

Thing is if it were reversed you know very well women on here would be saying "Those are just boys, find a mature man".


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Again John....you are dating a 23 y/o woman for THREE MONTHS. She's simply being herself. If herself is too immature for you, move on. That's it.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

JohnStew said:


> Thing is if it were reversed you know very well women on here would be saying "Those are just boys, find a mature man".


I'll see your eyerolls and raise you a *scoff*.

I'll say it again: you two aren't a match. Pick someone more compatible next time. You'd be doing both of you a huge disservice by trying to "straighten" her out.


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Again John....you are dating a 23 y/o woman for THREE MONTHS. She's simply being herself. If herself is too immature for you, move on. That's it.


Well I don't like to just cut and run, I like the idea of salvaging what I have if possible. But since she has said she won't act like that anymore I don't have much reason to worry so long as she isn't embarrassing in public again.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Good luck with that.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

In our society today where everybody is uptight and has no idea of what free-spirited fun is, you end up with the living embodiment of vibrance.

Personally? I would KILL to have a girl like that in my life. My tastes may differ from yours, but still...she sounds like she's a breath of fresh air.

If this is a dealbreaker for you, do the both of you a favor and end it.

You feel you deserve somebody mature, then that's you. If she feels she may be better with somebody who can appreciate and accept her quirky sense of humor, then that's her.


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

SkyHigh said:


> In our society today where everybody is uptight and has no idea of what free-spirited fun is, you end up with the living embodiment of vibrance.
> 
> Personally? I would KILL to have a girl like that in my life. My tastes may differ from yours, but still...she sounds like she's a breath of fresh air.
> 
> ...


Well, I'm not big on this "free-spirited" stuff. Just hippie talk to me. 

A real shame to because she's quite pretty.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You think she's pretty so you want her to change to suit you. Right. I think I know who the immature one is here.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Well, I'm not big on this "free-spirited" stuff. Just hippie talk to me.
> 
> A real shame to because she's quite pretty.


I think you have your answer of what to do, then. 

You don't care for her personality. She deserves somebody who can appreciate and cherish it.

You want maturity. She isn't providing that for you.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Well, I'm not big on this "free-spirited" stuff. Just hippie talk to me.
> 
> A real shame to because she's quite pretty.


Look I'm not a free spirit either and its okay.

Takes all kinds to make this world great.

These behaviors you describe would bother me too.

You've only been dating her for 3 months.

Cut her loose and let her find someone as playful as she is.

And you find someone more reserved for you.

Win/win.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

There are times to be silly... and times to focus and be serious.

Have you seen her in the focused and serious mode?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Look I'm not a free spirit either and its okay.
> 
> Takes all kinds to make this world great.
> 
> ...


This made me realize my comments were rude.  I'm sorry OP.It wasn't right to criticize you for having a preference toward a more mild behavior pattern.

That said,I agree w/Mavash and the others...time to move on to someone a little more reserved.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Bro, I make it a point TO act up in Wal-Mart. I'm a married dad of two kids. I act worse than they do. Throwing stuff, riding skateboards up and down the aisles, grabbing the rim of basketball goals, putting down the aisles, smelling all the clothes washing fluid, making fun of people (think People of Wal-Mart), and talk loudly. Ain't nothing wrong with it.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

You're basing your future on how attractive she is? C'mon, man. That's not always a good indicator. Forgive me if I read too much into that, but if it is the case you'll be in a world of hurt.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Well, I'm not big on this "free-spirited" stuff. Just hippie talk to me.
> 
> A real shame to because she's quite pretty.


She's going to dump you in the long run. 

I'm 54 and do the shopping cart races with the kids yelling "faster, faster, faster!!" My wife is your girlfriend's age. So there are advantages to being a little more fun-loving.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

After 3 months you either like the person for who they are or you don't. She may well be outwardly 'willing' to 'act' more mature if you are controlling enough of her behavior. If she is really smart and into you, it won't take much.

But you will be changing who she is. That change will be superficial and her playful spirit will start to come out in other ways. (potentially more problematic ways)

Either learn to enjoy the playfulness, or let her know you thing she is an amazing person, but you don't see the relationship working long term due to your differences.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

What future? They've been dating for three months. If this girl has any self-awareness, she wouldn't even keep dating him, since he doesn't like her personality, and she can easily find another man who will. At the three month mark, no girl who is 23 years old should be thinking of a "future" just because they are dating some guy.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

JohnStew said:


> When I talked to her about it she apologized and said she'd behave better. I do think there is a level of decency when out in public, yes.


So you think killing her spirit slowly over years is a better idea than just breaking it off? Do the poor girl a favour and let her find someone who loves her for who she is and not for some Victorian ideal she might be able to attain.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

johnnycomelately said:


> So you think killing her spirit slowly over years is a better idea than just breaking it off? Do the poor girl a favour and let her find someone who loves her for who she is and not for some Victorian ideal she might be able to attain.


Yep... 

You need to find and marry someone you love for what they are..

Marrying someone for what you think you can make them into isn't fair to anyone and is a recipe for misery and divorce..


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

So then what type does someone like me look for?

Guess you are right. I just sent her a text message that read:

"Hey, sorry but after thinking it over I think we should break up. We have very different ways of looking at life. Your child-like personality is simply not at all for me so it's best if we go our separate ways."


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

JohnStew said:


> So then what type does someone like me look for?


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Breaking up via text...? Come on, at least have the stones to look her in the eye while you do this.


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

GTdad said:


>


LOL sure, why not? So long as she's not acting like a child, fine by me.


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## JohnStew (May 22, 2013)

SkyHigh said:


> Breaking up via text...? Come on, at least have the stones to look her in the eye while you do this.


I've had many a gf break up that way. And really, it's obvious this isn't going to work out, better to make a clean break without tears/yelling/crying etc.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

JohnStew said:


> So then what type does someone like me look for?
> 
> Guess you are right. I just sent her a text message that read:
> 
> "Hey, sorry but after thinking it over I think we should break up. We have very different ways of looking at life. Your child-like personality is simply not at all for me so it's best if we go our separate ways."


What kind of girl should you marry? 

Just let it happen. You can't force love. It just has to happen.

When you meet a girl that just sweeps you off your feet... who makes you feel absolutely wonderful when you're with her. That MIGHT be the girl. Then you've got to figure out if you LIKE that girl. Does she have any habits that you can't stand? Do you two feel the same way about money, about spending/saving money.. what about religion? Politics? Sports? Sexually, etc. etc. Do you have similar back grounds? Do you LIKE spending time with her? 


Is your focus on making her the happiest girl in the world? 

IF all that is a yes... you've got a keeper. Assuming she loves you! 

One more thing... you might have to wait until the white hot lust phase subsides a little.... til you can think straight to answer all those questions honestly. Early on... you're blinded by hormones.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> I've had many a gf break up that way. And really, it's obvious this isn't going to work out, better to make a clean break without tears/yelling/crying etc.


It's a matter of courtesy. But, what's done is done.

May she go on to find one who loves her for her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> So then what type does someone like me look for?


What you need to do is hone your dating skills. Start by making a list of 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers. Get real clear on this and stop investing months with someone you realize early on isn't going to to work.

I could usually tell by 1-2 dates whether there was potential or not. If their habits, personality or behavior bother me early on then I need to move on. No sense wasting their time or mine.

Don't ever ever ever date someone expecting them to change. They won't. Either you love them fully AS IS or you need to cut them loose.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Growing up is overrated. This lady is still having fun you should have joined her instead of being embarrassed. You were at Walmart not Publix. C'mon man.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

JohnStew said:


> So then what type does someone like me look for?
> 
> Guess you are right. I just sent her a text message that read:
> 
> "Hey, sorry but after thinking it over I think we should break up. We have very different ways of looking at life. Your child-like personality is simply not at all for me so it's best if we go our separate ways."


Text message huh. We got a regular Don Draper over here.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Kobo said:


> Text message huh. We got a regular Don Draper over here.


He is just trying to get a reaction. He is annoyed that no-one agrees with him and he is being petulent. I'm not going to give this thread any more oxygen.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> Your child-like personality is simply not at all for me so it's best if we go our separate ways."



Stodgy people aren't more mature. You are a perfect example of that. Childish and stodgy. 

Any number of synonyms for fun-loving would have shown some maturity on your part.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

JohnStew said:


> I just don't swing that way. I prefer a more organized mature environment.
> 
> When I'm with her I want people to think I'm with a woman, not someone who acts like they're 12.
> 
> I had an ex gf that was 24 and she NEVER acted like this! Only reason we broke up is her moving for school.


You and her belong to different worlds. 
She does indeed act like a 12 year old and I'd be embarrassed to be with her out in public to be honest. I, at least, wouldn't want a man/bf to act like your gf does. 

Although breaking up through a text is the worst thing you could have done. Really??
How does that make you more mature than her ? lol
Were you afraid to look her in the eye and tell her what you had to say , face to face?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Kobo said:


> Growing up is overrated. This lady is still having fun you should have joined her instead of being embarrassed. You were at Walmart not Publix. C'mon man.


Why should have he joined?

Everyone has their own preferences. 
If that's the type of girl you prefer, fine...but that's not what works for him.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

FShe's behaving like a 23 year old girl would. The point of life is to not take it too seriously. 

Breaking up via text is indicative of more than a lack of maturity, it has all the hallmarks of a weak man.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Oh you so would find me to be terribly immature. I think your gf and I would get along smashingly. You and I, not so much. Your uncomfortable attitude would have me testing you with ridiculousness beyond your imagination.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Troll


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