# Someone help, PLEASE!



## jess1986 (Feb 18, 2013)

My husband and i have been married for 10 years now. We have 2 girls 3 and 7 who think he hung the moon. He is a truck driver, and i just recently found out he is picking up hookers. How do i confront this, and what do i do? I thought our marriage was great, and we have a great sex life, or so i thought. I was always up for anything with him even if i didn't like it. I have been googling these numbers he texts and they all lead to escort websites. I am just so confused on what to do. Part of me still wants to keep our family together and the other part says run. I just hate to see my girls hurt, because in their eyes their daddy does no wrong. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Think with your brain, NOT with your heart.

I would also suggest you get him to wear condoms if you do stay in this marriage......as well as STD test ASAP!!!!

Your well being and health is on the line here.....

I would run, run fast and never look back. But that's all under assumption that your evidence is 100%. I think you might need more info before you run.....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Besides knowing he sends texts to these numbers, what else do you have evidence of? This is important, because if that's all you know, he will come up with a way of explaining it away and you will believe him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get tested STAT


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## jess1986 (Feb 18, 2013)

I did get tested when i found out. Luckily nothing showed up and i haven't touched him since. Sorry, should have added that to begin with!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

jess1986 said:


> I did get tested when i found out. Luckily nothing showed up and i haven't touched him since. Sorry, should have added that to begin with!


Good

Collect more evidence. Maybe send a family/friend after him to investigate? 

Phone app tracking/gps?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Maybe a VAR in his rig?


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## jess1986 (Feb 18, 2013)

@Hope1964 The texts are all i have. How would i go about finding out more? I can't follow him due to him being all ove the country. I did find where he is a member on quite a few hookup websites and his quote always says trucker looking for fun and pleasure. I hacked into them and deactivated the ones i caould find. Not before i screen shotted them though! I only found these out because i have access to his emails...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK. The first thing to do is take screenshots of his profiles on these hook up sites and print them out and put them away somewhere. Also make up a list of all the numbers and what they're for.

It sounds to me like he has been at this for quite a while. If I were you I would probably pack up my stuff and move out while he's away. Let him come home to an empty house with nothing but the printouts of his profiles on the table, and file for D immediately. And don't look back. 

You could also try the phone tracking app, which may not tell you much if he's picking up these girls and enjoying them in his rig. A VAR is a voice activated recorder which you could hide somewhere in his rig and catch him in the act so to speak, but the logistics of that one escape me because if he's gone for days or weeks at a time retrieving it would be a problem and he very well may find it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> OK. The first thing to do is take screenshots of his profiles on these hook up sites and print them out and put them away somewhere. Also make up a list of all the numbers and what they're for.
> 
> It sounds to me like he has been at this for quite a while. If I were you I would probably pack up my stuff and move out while he's away. Let him come home to an empty house with nothing but the printouts of his profiles on the table, and file for D immediately. And don't look back.
> 
> You could also try the phone tracking app, which may not tell you much if he's picking up these girls and enjoying them in his rig. A VAR is a voice activated recorder which you could hide somewhere in his rig and catch him in the act so to speak, but the logistics of that one escape me because if he's gone for days or weeks at a time retrieving it would be a problem and he very well may find it.


Yep, save a copy for laywer/court as well.

More evidence would be good but it seems like OP already knows EXACTLY what's going on.


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## jess1986 (Feb 18, 2013)

Thanks yall! I don't have a clue about divorces and he is definitley the bread winner. I do work, but i can't afford to pay the bills. My car and the house is in my name. We live right next door to my parents and i am trying to keep them out of it for as long as i can!! Do any of you know how to make sure me and my kids can make ends meet? We live pay check to pay check, so i know just child support wouldn't cover it...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

jess1986 said:


> Thanks yall! I don't have a clue about divorces and he is definitley the bread winner. I do work, but i can't afford to pay the bills. My car and the house is in my name. We live right next door to my parents and i am trying to keep them out of it for as long as i can!! Do any of you know how to make sure me and my kids can make ends meet? We live pay check to pay check, so i know just child support wouldn't cover it...


You need to figure out how to sustain on your own going forward.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much and having family support is important (you will need them).

Human's have this natural ability to make things work even under the worst of the circumstances.

But in general, do not rely on ANYONE but yourself. You do NOT want codependancy type of marriage/situation where your husband does whatever cause he knows you are not going anywhere.

I would go talk to a lawyer and get better ideas of what you can do.

PS. Whatever you do, please be fair and to not use our messed up legal system to your advantage to get "as much as you can". Be fair and get what you deserve, not what the system will give you.

Remember, your children should continue a good/healthy relationship with their father. if you disable him financially, you will disable him from being able to be a father to his children as well as disable him from CARING TO BE A FATHER. This is important!!!

It's a delicate balance but you should keep your children in mind. 

They do and WILL need their father in their lives. Without him, they will miss on a HUGE part of their life (50% to be exact).

I went without a father since I was 12 (thanks to my mom distancing him from me) and let me tell you, I'm lucky to be alive right now and went thru crazy times in my life and had to learn MANY lessons the hard way.

My mom realizes this now and regrets it. Having a father figure is EXTREMELY important!!!!


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## jess1986 (Feb 18, 2013)

I completely agree!! If i have to sell my car and move somewhere cheaper, then that's what i will do. I have watched people for years milk the government and that infuriates me me!! I also don't want him to hurt for money either, like you said that would disable him to be a good father. Hopefully something will work out we can both agree on!!


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

After you get your evidence, DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY that's all i am saying, no need to say anything else.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

jess1986 said:


> Thanks yall! I don't have a clue about divorces and he is definitley the bread winner. I do work, but i can't afford to pay the bills. My car and the house is in my name. We live right next door to my parents and i am trying to keep them out of it for as long as i can!! Do any of you know how to make sure me and my kids can make ends meet? We live pay check to pay check, so i know just child support wouldn't cover it...


If he's indeed hooking up and not just texting these escorts he has more money then you think. Instead of paying for sex he can pay child support. Don't say you can't make it...you have to. When you finally involve your parents I'm sure they will do everything they can to help out.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

jess1986 said:


> I completely agree!! If i have to sell my car and move somewhere cheaper, then that's what i will do. I have watched people for years milk the government and that infuriates me me!! I also don't want him to hurt for money either, like you said that would disable him to be a good father. Hopefully something will work out we can both agree on!!


It will, do you know how I know? Because you sound like a decent and considerate person.

Problems for man arise where women take things to the extreme and make HELL out of the divorce (mind you, there are situations/times where it's needed and man deserves it).

What it really comes down to is this. You have 2 choices, at some point you either sit down with him and come to a mutual agreement, and divorce for VERY little money (if ANY).

or you start arguing and get lawyers involved. At which point, THEY are the ones that will make out with YOUR money. Average divorce lawyer fees are 10-20k so keep that in mind.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Tell your parents exactly whats going on. It is humiliating I know (my husband hired a street hooker) but once you tell them and tell them you want to divorce they will only support you. It's really hard, but you have to start thinking about this as something he did TO you. Something really really bad. You are the victim here.

And like DoF said do NOT rely on child support. Government programs have their place, but just don't abuse them. I was on welfare for 4 years after I left my first husband with three kids under 5 - my ex owes me over $70,000 which I will never ever see, but I'm way past the point of caring. My kids are 20, 22 and 24 now and we're all doing great!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

As for what to say to your husband - whatever it is he is going to go into denial mode. Read this link 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

and pay special attention to the terms gaslighting, rugsweeping and trickle truth in this post

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...tam-cwi-newbies-please-read-2.html#post494279


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> Tell your parents exactly whats going on. It is humiliating I know (my husband hired a street hooker) but once you tell them and tell them you want to divorce they will only support you. It's really hard, but you have to start thinking about this as something he did TO you. Something really really bad. You are the victim here.
> 
> And like DoF said do NOT rely on child support. Government programs have their place, but just don't abuse them. I was on welfare for 4 years after I left my first husband with three kids under 5 - my ex owes me over $70,000 which I will never ever see, but I'm way past the point of caring. My kids are 20, 22 and 24 now and we're all doing great!


hehe

just to show you how messed up the system is.

When our daughter was born, my wife applied for welfare (at the time I was a deli clerk making very little money). We got approved and collected for about a year or so.

Then, state took ME to court to collect that money? Even though wife and I were together? When we went to court we stood together and they told my wife to go to the other side, she said "I'
m with him".....didn't matter. So we were forced to be against each other I guess? Does this even make sense?

They decided that I had to pay that money back? I stood up and said, can I ask why were we approved for welfare if we were together all along???

Everyone in the courtroom was confused.

YEAH, that's how screwed up the system is. We should've never been approved for welfare is my guess, and to be honest, I felt obligated to pay it back (and we did).

It was weird and awkward, there I was, a good father standing in the court room like some dead beat? WTF?

Just saying....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I was a single mom, and live in Canada, so my experience was different than yours thankfully!

Anyway, I am just saying that things like welfare, daycare subsidies, rent subsidies etc can be used as a resource but shouldn't be viewed as a way of life.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> I was a single mom, and live in Canada, so my experience was different than yours thankfully!
> 
> Anyway, I am just saying that things like welfare, daycare subsidies, rent subsidies etc can be used as a resource but shouldn't be viewed as a way of life.


Correct


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

jess1986 said:


> Thanks yall! I don't have a clue about divorces and he is definitley the bread winner. I do work, but i can't afford to pay the bills. My car and the house is in my name. We live right next door to my parents and i am trying to keep them out of it for as long as i can!! Do any of you know how to make sure me and my kids can make ends meet? We live pay check to pay check, so i know just child support wouldn't cover it...


Well, you'll have to get a job for sure.

You may want to try getting him to stop first, unless you're just done with him. Have you confronted him yet?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Sweet Girl.... All the best to you. So sorry!


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