# Need advice... long story



## Mclovin84 (Oct 1, 2008)

Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and have never really posted anything regarding my relationships.

Three months ago I met the girl that is now my girlfriend at my neice's birthday party. She is my sister's friend and ex-coworker. She is recently divorced (married for 7 years) and has a 3 year old son. We really didn't say too much at the party but my sister suggested I ask her out. My sis gave her my number and gave me her's and we just started talking on the phone everyday for about a week. It seemed like we had a lot in common so we set up a date for the weekend that her ex-husband has her son. I live about 2 hours away from her so she came to stay the weekend with me. (At first it was just going to be a friday night date but we had such a good time together she stayed until sunday evening) I'll say it was instant love. Not infatuation, lust or whatever.... it was love. We did absoutly nothing and loved every minute together. Everything clicked and we just felt so comfortable around each other, we both agreed that we have never felt this way towards another person, almost to the point where it was creepy. Two weeks after that I got to spend time with her and her son, we spent the day at the beach. Her son (3) told me that he really likes me.  I really enjoyed spending time with both of them. . I want to be a huge part of their lives. She is wanting to get married and I do too but it just seems too soon. Four weeks into our relationship she told me she loves me, honestly, I felt the same way but was just scared to tell her those three little words for fear of her reaction. I love her with all my heart and I truly believe she loves me too. I am buying a house soon and she and her son want to move in with me. I believe that you should know someone longer than 3 months before marrying that person but everything just feels so perfect. I know she is perfect, neither am I but she has all of the qualities of who I would want in a spouse. We have even talked about marriage. She told me she didn't want to put her son in a position to get attached to someone and get hurt, she also said that she wouldn't move in if we were not getting married because of her son. I agreed with her and told her I don't want to put him in that position either. There is a little age gap between us, I am 25 she is 30. I feel like she is very mature and isn't into playing games at all. I hope and pray that, emotionally, things stay exactly like they are. Has anyone ever experienced this before? Everything just seems too good to be true. I don't want to lose her she means everything to me. Most of the people I know that got married after not knowing eachother very long the marriage ends in divorce within 1-3 years. I don't want that to happen. My grandparents only knew eachother 3 weeks when they wed and it lasted 54 years. 

Thanks
Mclovin84


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Your grand parents lived in a different era so count them out. Give yourself two to three years before marriage. Right now you are infatuated with her. It is a chemical response that will subside in 6-12 months. If it is that good then it will wait/

draconis


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## Mclovin84 (Oct 1, 2008)

Do you think she could just be infatuated with me?

Eric


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Yep, she could be, give it at least a year, tell her you want to make sure for her son's sake, that you do not want to rush things. 

If it is love then a year is not long at all.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with the above posts. Most therapist say that a divorced person should wait a year before getting involved in another relationship. You stated she is recently divorced. It could be a "rebound" relationship. Give it some time and see how things go.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

This relationship is TOO new right now. At this stage, you are only meeting the person's "representative" and not the "true" person. I am not saying that you or she is not being real with one another. I just think that now every thing is so new that it is hard to really see the "true" person.

What worked for me may not be right for you, however, I was friends with my husband about 1 year. We dated for exactly 1 year and then on our 1 year anniversary of dating, he proposed and we were engaged for 10 months after. My husband confessed once we were married that he felt I was "the one" after about 3 months of dating. He said he wanted to make sure he wasn't getting caught up in the "newness" of a relationship. He also said that he knew if I was the right person, then we would be together and happy after 1 year and if so, he would propose at that time.

Ask yourself this:
1. Do you know her favorite color?
2. What is her favorite food?
3. What are her pet peeves?
4 How does she get when she is stressed or angry?
5. What things do you love about her?
6. What are her dreams and aspirations?

The list of questions can go on and on. The point is after 3 months of dating, it is hard to truly know a person, so take your time. If she is "the one", then you will have the same feeling you have now in a year.

Best wishes.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Sex often plunges straight after marriage because the 2 people don't know each other. Listen to what the others are saying. You need more to go on than what you call "love". Love is what grows after years of facing life together in a solid marriage. The love you feel now is as *Draconis *says, largely chemical. It is still valid, it is how we are made. It is a tragedy when it evaporates early on to the shock of both participants. After 19 years of being with my wife, it is a pleasant shock when I find myself loving her more and more for no obvious reason, other than she is she, and me is me. 

Another thing to check into is why her first marriage failed. Be interested in what she has to say without making it obvious.


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## Mclovin84 (Oct 1, 2008)

Thanks everyone for all of the replies. 

MarkTwain- Her first marriage failed because her husband was somewhat abusive and put himself and his racing hobby before his family. She is the one that wanted the divorce. It has been over a year since she first applied for divorce and it is just now getting finalized. I honestly don't think she would put her son in a situation to get her emotionally. 

LoveandMarriage- 
-Her favorite color is purple.
-Her favorite food is a reeses cup (mine too  )
-Her pet peeves are: The kitchen and bathroom must remain clean at all times. Trash must be taken out daily. She hates when someone is driving slow in the left lane. I can go on and on.
-She seems to let her emotions take over when stressed or angry. She doesn't want to be touched or held when angry. She cries sometimes.
I love everything about her from her hair style down to the way she looks at me when we wake up in the morning to the way she writes I love you on a post it deck and turns it over for me to find it days or weeks after she wrote it. 
Her dream is to have a big family to love and be love. 

I know we haven't know each other for long but everything seems just right. I hope (know) it is more than just a chemical reaction. She told me that her mother and father known each other for 2 months and they were married. Her mother told her that she just knew he was the one. Maybe history is repeating itself.

Thanks everyone
Mclovin


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

When you are in love you know it. I have more of a problem with a couple together for 3 years and are undecided about marriage. My parents knew each other about 3 months before getting married, then having their first baby 9 months after that. They just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. If you love her, go for it!


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## Mclovin84 (Oct 1, 2008)

UPDATE:

We talked this over last night and both decided that we love each other very much. However, marriage isn't right for us at this time. We both want to stay in this relationship and have no intentions of leaving. Both of us want to get to know each other better and grow as a couple before rushing into things. Again, I thank everyone for the replies.

Eric


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

Mclovin84 said:


> Thanks everyone for all of the replies.
> 
> MarkTwain- Her first marriage failed because her husband was somewhat abusive and put himself and his racing hobby before his family. She is the one that wanted the divorce. It has been over a year since she first applied for divorce and it is just now getting finalized. I honestly don't think she would put her son in a situation to get her emotionally.
> 
> ...


It seems like you guys have a strong communication connection. (is that such a thing?):scratchhead:

Keep the communication going and spend time with each other. Also, don't let us (or anyone for that matter) persuade you to do anything that you don't want to do. If it feels right, then go for it. However, you may consider having a longer engagement.:smthumbup: Good luck and best wishes.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Mclovin84 said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> We talked this over last night and both decided that we love each other very much. However, marriage isn't right for us at this time. We both want to stay in this relationship and have no intentions of leaving. Both of us want to get to know each other better and grow as a couple before rushing into things. Again, I thank everyone for the replies.
> 
> Eric


It shows that you both are intelligent and willing to do what is right to make things work. Start to learn now how to really communicate, where her boundries are, build trust and love. These things will help the marriage. Enjoy the wooing stage and never let it go.

draconis


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## Mclovin84 (Oct 1, 2008)

UPDATE:

Well, it turns out she was just infatuated with me. She thought she would be screwing up big time by having any type of relationship with me at this time in her life. For the past 3 weeks she has been distancing herself and her son from me,I had a feeling this was going to happen. My heart is broken big time because I truly did/do love her but now she wont even talk to me or even talk to my sister who is one of her best friends. This sucks big time. Oh well, I just as much at fault for it as her.

It was just too good to be true. Everything was going great, I've never been happier in a relationship but then it was like it just hit a brick wall head on one day and it all come to a screetching hault. 

Mclovin


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