# How do you stay focused toward D



## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

I am having a hard time. Been married 8 years, 2 kids. There has been physical and verbal abuse from DH. I am extremely unhappy to the point that I rekindled an old flame. I have already convinced myself and friends have convinced me that this marriage needs to end. Husband and mother in law are now begging me not to file. Mom in law has asked my husband to go to anger management counseling and also to quit his failing business because its a source of contention and a reason for our fights. He has now agreed to do whatever it takes because he is so threatened now that I am leaving him. He swears he has changed and he will never mistreat me again.

I feel that our marriage is too damaged at this point. I don't even know if I feel in love with him anymore. I don't think so. I haven't felt that in many years. There hasn't been any romantic affection in a long time. Now that im lonely, I have started an emotional affair (have not seen the OM). So now my heart has moved on. 

But with my husband saying he will change, I am afraid I am going to regret getting a divorce. Anyone feel like this? Like confused once you threaten divorce and your spouse swears they will change and you are stuck not sure what to do?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes. Have been on the merry go round for a while. I don't have such clear cut issues as you do. All I can think to say would be, if can drop the divorce at any time even up till the final decree. I would suggest you try to stay out of other relationships while you go through this. But moving on is moving on. They say that it takes a while to fully clear your head before you're ready for another relationship. I'm no expert on any of this and am just as lost as you are.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

You ever heard the phase, "A leopard can't change its spots"? Pretty much applies in most cases to abusers. They can be real nice up front, but deep down, they are still the same old person they always were.

I would drop the OM and focus on your divorce. The OM is a distraction to your goal of getting out of a bad situation.

Get yourself settled in your life, get away from the bad influences, and gain some understanding of how you got into the position you are in now. Then use that knowledge to build yourself a better life.


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## mace17 (Jul 12, 2013)

Has he ever promised to change before? And then not followed through for very long? If so I wouldn't trust it this time either. As C3156 said, abusers rarely change.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

OP, its so hard, bc is the other friend giving you the support of what the future may show (w or without him ) , and the husband showing you the reality of what your future is, that you cant decide on ? 

When do we know we can start to have feeling again for others ? 

~sammy


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