# Cant help thinking marriage is 'on the rocks'



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Its so strange. We;ve been married for 12 years and together almost 20 years now.

Things are definjitely different than when they started. We get on great most of the time, and hardly every argue. Apart from that though things are very 'cool' if you know what I mean. We sort of take things for granted a bit.

Trouble is my wife is a bit moody sometimes. Its weird - its like too different people. When shes in a bad mood I let it really affect me - it gets me down. Try not to let my mood be so dependent but its difficult.

When I get like this, it just causes me to worry that our relationship is heading downhill......


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

psychocandy said:


> Trouble is my wife is a bit moody sometimes. Its weird - its like too different people. When shes in a bad mood I let it really affect me - it gets me down. Try not to let my mood be so dependent but its difficult.
> 
> When I get like this, it just causes me to worry that our relationship is heading downhill......


My H does this to me, too. He's told me that when i get angry, even if its not at him, he takes it so personally. I think its just insecurity and some emotional emeshment. 

I think he relys on me to make him feel good. He doesnt feel good in general, so when my mood swings, it affects him doubly.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Sounds just like me to be honest. I'm mega insecure too...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Are there other signs that make you feel the marriage is heading for trouble? People get moody sometimes and there can be many causes. Stress from work, hormones, aging, financial stress. Just because she is moody doesn’t indicate she is unhappy with you. Have you talked to her about it while she is in a better mood?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Other signs? Not sure.

Sex life is well crap, but its never been that great. Apart from that, not really. Just more moody (or so it seems to me).

She does go out a bit more than she used to but I guess its probably better than us being tied together all the time. Shes encouraged me to find an outside interest too. 

I think she was getting sick of the usual drudge of work, childcare, watch TV etc which is fair enough...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Try spicing things up as a couple with date nights. A romantic get-a-way or and evening alone. Surprise her with an unexpected gift or act of service.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Can't shake this feeling that things are not right. I just dont know.

On one hand I think its just me. I do have a HUGE tendency to blow things up out of proportion and get insecure at the slightest thing.

Also, wife is suffering from depression at the mo, and I'm wondering if some of her negative stuff is affecting me too. (I already suffer from depression/anxiety).

I know you're gonna say go to counselling. We went before and I thought it was OK but wife wasnt so keen.

I dunno. If I bring up the subject again, its like saying theres something wrong to her. Not sure then if its just me, and even whether its fair to burden her with this at this time when shes so down....


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

when you are around people who are down ,it makes you feel the same way so the fact shes depressed at the moment isnt helping you feel secure.
what you need to ask yourself is what isnt right ?
dont go looking for things to be wrong !


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Humpty,

I guess thats my problem. Cant help thinking my wife is depressed because of me and our relationship. Of course, thats not necessarly true, is it?

I'm trying my best to give her some space rather than steam in there with my own paranoia/insecurity as well...


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

No it certainly isnt true , depression is a medical problem.
why give her space ? whats wrong with giving her a cuddle telling her she means the world to you.
have you thought about going out on a date again? even a romantic walk helps to lift my spirits
you have been together 20 years thats a achievement in its self , just after time i do think you have to add some excitement and spice 
dont keep looking for the bad !! create new


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

She seems to be in a needing space mood rather than a cuddle mood....


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

psycho, valentine's day is around the corner...it would be a great time to start something wonderful with her. Plan something to surprise her...maybe she is tired of the hum drum of daily life too and depressed about it. If you are the depressed type too, as I am also, you know we seek things to try to fill the void of the happiness. 

Instead of finding things to be paranoid about look for signs that she still loves you. Feed on those things and try to find at least one way each day to do something nice for her...something unexpected to show her you love her. What do you think?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yeh. When I ask her what the problem is its 'everything' so I think it is the hum drum of daily life thats getting her down. Shes off work at the mo, because she says she cant face it, so I guess this is one of the things...

Yep. And its her birthday Feb 2nd too. Maybe I will plan something for her.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Take her somewhere....just the two of you...like a cabin in the woods...a cruise...even a bed and breakfast. It will get her away and you guys can just focus on each other. There are nice b & b that have romantic suites for a weekend with jacuzzis too. Maybe you guys both need a romantic interlude.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yeh. Baby sitting situation makes this tough...


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

is family close by? how about a reliable neighbor?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

stop looking for excues and make it happern !! you must have someone you can ask to babysit !
If not a family day out ,,come on psyco use your imagination make her birthday special  even if its a home cooked meal and the kids go to bed early its better then nothing !! make it happern


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yeh. You're right !!!!


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Well you can always take a little one with you. Sometimes the change in scenery does people good. The child goes to bed, you guys can get romantic.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yeh. We do go out a fair bit as a family so no complaints there.

Not particularly well off at the moment though. :-(


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Java, 

I see - Java as in coffee. Thought you were a java programmer or something? LOL. x


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

haha.... I saw the name somewhere else and loved it. I am a little addicted to Starbucks. It is conveniently in the location I work in. I am an IT freak also.  going to school for IT as we speak. I graduate with a BS in IT April 2010. Woo Hoo! So Java can go both ways! 

So when is her birthday and what are you planning? Get romantic! You can do it!


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

java said:


> haha.... I saw the name somewhere else and loved it. I am a little addicted to Starbucks. It is conveniently in the location I work in. I am an IT freak also.  going to school for IT as we speak. I graduate with a BS in IT April 2010. Woo Hoo! So Java can go both ways!
> 
> So when is her birthday and what are you planning? Get romantic! You can do it!


I've worked in IT for 18 years now. Currently work for a Defence company here in the UK.

Birthday is Feb 2nd. Nothing planned yet. Any ideas?

I was thinking of asking our nephew (hes 16) to babysit maybe.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

what does she like to do?


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

java said:


> what does she like to do?


Ummm. Go out with her friends and get drunk !!!! ;-)


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