# I can't decide...



## wbh10 (Jan 14, 2013)

I've been married for almost 3 years, but have been seperated on and off for 2. I've been with him since I was 17 and he's the only relationship I've ever had but, I do feel like it's been very one sided. He's always cared more about his friends and computer games more than me. While I was pregnant I kept telling myself that as soon as I had the baby things would change, he would step up and help me out, but it all stayed the same. When our daughter was about 5 months I found out he was talking to a bunch of girls from his past and trying to get with them so I left him. About a year later we decided to work things out because he was supposedly ready to step up, but as soon as we reconciled he was back to video games and messing around. So now half a year later and here I am again debating with myself. Now he's saying he can take care of me and we can afford to get our own place, part of me wants to listen to him and move (I'm living with my mom right now and she never hesitates to make me feel like it's an inconvenience) and this other part of me feels like I shouldn't get back with him. I do love him, but we haven't been intimate in a really long time and I don't know if I could be intimate with him. I'm so confused with it all. Should I just try one more time? Get a 6 month lease and hope for the best or should I just try to keep doing it all on my own?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4311 (Jul 3, 2012)

wbh10, hope is great, it really is, but it can only go so far on its own. It doesn't sound like the two of you have a great line of communication open with each other. It also sounds like you don't have a great support system around you. This is not something you can or should figure out all by yourself. One mistake you made was thinking that a child would change things. Things don't change unless things change. The first time you left him I assume you pretty much worked it out all in your head without talking to many, if anyone, about. Another assumption I feel safe making is that you did not talk to him about it - I know you probably shared your frustrations but you probably didn't share how dire it was before leaving. Now you find yourself in the same position. Have you talked to anyone in your life about leaving this time? Have you talked to him about it?

If you haven't noticed it thus far I've brought up "talking" a lot. It is ALL about communication. You need to communicate with your partner, you need to communicate with your family, you need to communicate with a counselor, you need to communicate with yourself. I think it's safe for me to assume you are not doing these things. One good thing is that you have reached out here on this board. That is starting to communicate. Your husband needs to understand how important this is to you, he needs to understand that if things don't change you may leave again. These are not to be used as threats, just truths. 

Please, start seeing a counselor immediately. He/She will help you work these things out in your mind, will help you make a plan to work through this. Talk to them about setting up a session with your husband and yourself. 

If you truly want a chance to work through this and remain married for yourselves and your child you need to ask for help from someone with experience and that would be a counselor.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you want to give your marriage one more try you could do it for a set time... say the 6 months on this lease.

If you can see a counselor that would be good.

I also highly recomend that the two of you read and work through the books linked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage.

In 6 months, if things have not turned about then you know you have done all you could to save your marriage.


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