# Game Over - I won



## JCash205 (May 29, 2016)

So as some of you may know...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/336497-i-found-divorce-papers.html

So yeah.....my life went from zero to OMG THIS IS ****ING INSANE!

As we last left our intrepid hero, he was facing divorce from a spouse who was sneaking around...well hey it got worse.

Her birthday party rolled around on the 18th, essentially I had offered to cook the whole spread because...well hey I love cooking (kinda a coping mechanism)...well she didn't like that. She didn't even have a cake...I went out and bought one for her but it didn't really seem to phase her. Then her "friend" showed up...the gay man who she had a thing with. 

Turns out he was the only one who showed up...no one else did. To make matters even better, he had gotten up at 5....

You know, I'm sitting here typing this long story of bull**** out...and all I can think is why bother...the opinions of my marriage mean nothing because the marriage is dead. She moved out about a month and some change ago because she doesn't want to live with me. The "I don't knows" got to me to the point where I told her "look **** or get off the pot, tell me." she finally said the words "I want a divorce" and at that moment I felt...relieved. 

She told me that she had made up her mind when she printed those papers, she didn't love me anymore and never wanted to have sex with me again.

Okay cool, well I've been alone now in our home for a month or so...and I'm starting to think she did me a favor. 

I lost 40 pounds since Feb, the depression of her being gone is slowly subsiding. I have job interviews left and right now...and the likely hood of being financially stable and away from her gets closer every day.

In the meantime, she took out a 20k car loan, her future with the military is in peril if she doesn't make staff sgt., and her party boy is leaving September 20th.

We're at the stage of dividing up assets, the car I want from her is in her name and given to her by her folks during the marriage. Bluebook is 4000, she's selling it to me for 2500. Not a big hit, but we're working out a payment plan. I told her flat out, if I pay a dime for that car I'll go for more assets...and so far it's been working out for me.

I've consulted a lawyer who has told me what my right's are. 15% of her retirement, spousal support (but that might get axed when I get a full time supporting job) and assets split 50/50. 

I'm sitting here asking myself "did you want to be married to a woman who throws you away like this, wont try and save the marriage, and parties with a **** boy? Do I want children with this woman? Do I want to grow old and die with this woman?" 

The answer is no.

I'll be working a 2nd shift job, 3pm to 11pm tuesday friday, and 2 to 1030 on saturday...not ideal but at 17.25 an hour, plus bennies and commission I can survive, thrive.

Once I crack the code of meeting 2nd shift workers, I'm pretty set...my associates is being rounded out and I'll have a bachelor's within 2 years. 

Meanwhile...she can have whatever....**** her I'm happy I'm getting out with no kids, under 30, and with career goals.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Good for you keep hanging in there and you will be better every day. Happy for you!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Better stay focused and on task. Life with what you had never gets any better.

Consider yourself lucky and keep going.


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## JCash205 (May 29, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> Better stay focused and on task. Life with what you had never gets any better.
> 
> Consider yourself lucky and keep going.


I had a wonderful woman with a great body...but in the end I realized what she was...she was shallow...full of pop culture references, and very little real intelligent conversation.

I can do much better.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

JCash205 said:


> I had a wonderful woman with a great body...but in the end I realized what she was...she was shallow...full of pop culture references, and very little real intelligent conversation.
> 
> I can do much better.


Your under 30, no kids and financially to don't stand to lose much. Use this marriage as a learning experience and make the most of your future


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This is why I always advocate moving on. Just think you could be sitting there in indecision pining away for someone who treated you like dirt. This certainly sounds better. And it only will get better.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Congratulations!


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Well played, Jcash.

Learn from this experience.

Good luck with your new life!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Good for you.

Be prepared. Clearly, right now it seems emotionally and intellectually like a good decision-and I'm not disputing that one bit. But marriage and commitment is an emotional connection and sometimes (although not always) there is a emotional roller-coaster that we frequently have to ride before we're finally done. So there are good days and bad days and that's just the way it is.


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## JCash205 (May 29, 2016)

Pluto2 said:


> Good for you.
> 
> Be prepared. Clearly, right now it seems emotionally and intellectually like a good decision-and I'm not disputing that one bit. But marriage and commitment is an emotional connection and sometimes (although not always) there is a emotional roller-coaster that we frequently have to ride before we're finally done. So there are good days and bad days and that's just the way it is.


What choice do I have? I have offered marriage counselling, I have offered to change what she didn't like, I tried to accept this other guy...but she wanted none of it. Even more, she went to family advocacy and said I was abusive to her when I wanted her to stop seeing this guy!

It hurts every day, I wont deny that, ever day I miss her, every day I am reminded I will never lay naked next to her and tell her how beautiful she is. I will never father children with her, and I will never grow old and die with her.

Yet hey...I've got plenty of other opportunities for that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

JCash205 said:


> What choice do I have? I have offered marriage counselling, I have offered to change what she didn't like, I tried to accept this other guy...but she wanted none of it. Even more, she went to family advocacy and said I was abusive to her when I wanted her to stop seeing this guy!
> 
> It hurts every day, I wont deny that, ever day I miss her, every day I am reminded I will never lay naked next to her and tell her how beautiful she is. I will never father children with her, and I will never grow old and die with her.
> 
> Yet hey...I've got plenty of other opportunities for that.


Just hold the course. Come back to this post in 2 years and you will be saying how much happy you are. You will be surprised how much better relationships are when you have two active participants. The only advice I would give you is to make sure there is nothing wrong with your picker.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Keep truckin' man. You'll make it. She was baggage. You will find someone new to love. It won't take long.


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