# Divorce was finalized today



## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Went before the judge via Zoom and everything was accepted and I am officially divorced/single. The final paperwork to sign is supposed to come next week. I kept thinking that I was going to feel sad or something, but it just never happened. As I said to one of my best friends, the court hearing felt like a formality at this point. My ex told me she was having an affair and wanted a divorce back in January 2021, we've been living apart since that spring, and we've been living separate lives since the spring/early summer. At this point, any level of sadness I felt has washed away. I'll be honest and say I do still feel angry about all of this, but most of that is about having to split time with my kids and my ex just discarding me like trash. But both of those will go away because I know my kids are better off not witnessing a toxic marriage and I am better off out of a relationship with a person who treated me like that.

The best thing about the divorce being finalized is that the parenting plan is now legally binding. My ex's new boyfriend lives about an hour west of here so if she tries to move, she'll have to go to court and every lawyer I consulted with was sure she'd lose because she has no grounds to move them away from me, from family (our kids have two grandparents and an aunt and uncle in town), and out of their school district. So I am glad that has been made legal.

Also, I am happy to have this behind me. Oh, I still have to co-parent with her and all of that, but I am okay with doing that. But the paperwork and court filing and all of that, I am happy to be done with. Honestly, the process ended up being pretty smooth because my ex just wanted the divorce to move on just as much as I did so she waived alimony, never fought about custody, etc. But it was still stressful at times so I am happy to be on the other side of the legal proceedings. 

I do want to add that this place has been a great resource as I navigated all of this so I plan on staying on here and spending some time in this post-divorce forum to continue to get advice and help.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I'm glad it was better than you thought it was going to be. Hopefully, going forward there will be no trouble with visitation. Congrats, here's to new beginnings and peace.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Congrats!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

A day that will be remembered for both the right and wrong reasons!!!

Have a beer 🍺!!!!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

justaguylookingforhelp said:


> Went before the judge via Zoom and everything was accepted and I am officially divorced/single. The final paperwork to sign is supposed to come next week. I kept thinking that I was going to feel sad or something, but it just never happened. As I said to one of my best friends, the court hearing felt like a formality at this point. My ex told me she was having an affair and wanted a divorce back in January 2021, we've been living apart since that spring, and we've been living separate lives since the spring/early summer. At this point, any level of sadness I felt has washed away. I'll be honest and say I do still feel angry about all of this, but most of that is about having to split time with my kids and my ex just discarding me like trash. But both of those will go away because I know my kids are better off not witnessing a toxic marriage and I am better off out of a relationship with a person who treated me like that.
> 
> The best thing about the divorce being finalized is that the parenting plan is now legally binding. My ex's new boyfriend lives about an hour west of here so if she tries to move, she'll have to go to court and every lawyer I consulted with was sure she'd lose because she has no grounds to move them away from me, from family (our kids have two grandparents and an aunt and uncle in town), and out of their school district. So I am glad that has been made legal.
> 
> ...


Well you're through the storm.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

justaguylookingforhelp said:


> Went before the judge via Zoom and everything was accepted and I am officially divorced/single. The final paperwork to sign is supposed to come next week. I kept thinking that I was going to feel sad or something, but it just never happened. As I said to one of my best friends, the court hearing felt like a formality at this point.
> 
> ......no grounds to move them away from me, from family (our kids have two grandparents and an aunt and uncle in town), and out of their school district. So I am glad that has been made legal.
> 
> Also, I am happy to have this behind me. Oh, I still have to co-parent with her and all of that, but I am okay with doing that. But the paperwork and court filing and all of that, I am happy to be done with. Honestly, the process ended up being pretty smooth because my ex just wanted the divorce to move on just as much as I did so *she waived alimony,* never fought about custody, etc. But it was still stressful at times so* I am happy to be on the other side of the legal proceedings.......*


First of all congratualations. Sounds like you did very well, got lots of good advice and implemented that advice.

I think that in this day and age we don't pay enough attention to ceremonies. Ceremonies are ways of marking major events in one's life and in making transitions. Weddings, graduations, funerals are examples of ceremonies.

Some people actually have divorce celebrations. There are examples of women who invite their girl friends and family to divorce parties where they either burn or use their wedding dress as a target at a gun range. I would like to suggest that you plan a "celebration party of divorce with some of your friends and family." Make it festive. Don't make it about trashing your wife, as she is still the mother of your children and will remain part of your life. Instead make it about ending a relationship that didn't work out and about a new beginning and hope for your future. Use some of the money you would have had to pay in alimony to fund the party. 

There are other things you could do. For example, take your wedding ring and donate it (or sell it and donated the money) to a local food bank. Then let all your friends know that by that act you formally marked a major transition in your life and turned something not good into something good. 

Similarly, you could organize a "guy party" with some of your friends. It could be going out to a local lake or river, setting up tents in a campground and going fishing for a weekend. It could be playing golf with your buddies. It could involve some sport you use to do or things you would like to try, such as: a zip-line, river rafting, fly-fishing lessons for the group, etc.

The point is celebrate the next phase of your life and do something to mark this transition in your life.

Good luck.


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## Just-Jennfer (Jan 12, 2022)

This post made me smile. 
Sorry about your marriage but I'm happy you made it through. My divorce is about to be finalised too and I'm hoping I can feel super positive when that decree absolute is ready and in my hands. 

It's been a up and down journey and I too am ready to move on 

Good luck to this new phase of your life


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Make it even easier on yourself.
Limit contact as much as possible.
Communicate by text or email kids only. Keep everything - holidays, birthdays, etc. separate. You have your time, she has hers. It’s ok to keep them extra due to schedule issues as long as she does the same. Pickups/drop offs only take a few minutes. Never go into her home or allow her in yours.
The kids will adjust. A few friends I know that went through similar situations say this method works out great. 
If she tries the let’s be friends thing like most do it’s for her not you.
Definition of friend - loyal, honest and trustworthy.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)




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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

justaguylookingforhelp said:


> Went before the judge via Zoom and everything was accepted and I am officially divorced/single. The final paperwork to sign is supposed to come next week. I kept thinking that I was going to feel sad or something, but it just never happened. As I said to one of my best friends, the court hearing felt like a formality at this point. My ex told me she was having an affair and wanted a divorce back in January 2021, we've been living apart since that spring, and we've been living separate lives since the spring/early summer. At this point, any level of sadness I felt has washed away. I'll be honest and say I do still feel angry about all of this, but most of that is about having to split time with my kids and my ex just discarding me like trash. But both of those will go away because I know my kids are better off not witnessing a toxic marriage and I am better off out of a relationship with a person who treated me like that.
> 
> The best thing about the divorce being finalized is that the parenting plan is now legally binding. My ex's new boyfriend lives about an hour west of here so if she tries to move, she'll have to go to court and every lawyer I consulted with was sure she'd lose because she has no grounds to move them away from me, from family (our kids have two grandparents and an aunt and uncle in town), and out of their school district. So I am glad that has been made legal.
> 
> ...


You should expect at some point your ex wife will be trying to renegotiate the terms already agreed upon (alimony, custody). Could be when her current romance ends, some unexpected financial hardship on her end, whatever. Could also be if she at some point recognizes you are happy and thriving without her.

As others have advised. Limit all unnecessary contact and communication with her. 

A parenting app on your smart phone would be ideal. Txt and email are easy to document. I would send any calls from her to voicemail. You can tell her to call you only if it is an emergency regarding one of your children.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Make it even easier on yourself.
> Limit contact as much as possible.
> Communicate by text or email kids only. Keep everything - holidays, birthdays, etc. separate. You have your time, she has hers. It’s ok to keep them extra due to schedule issues as long as she does the same. Pickups/drop offs only take a few minutes. Never go into her home or allow her in yours.
> The kids will adjust. A few friends I know that went through similar situations say this method works out great.
> ...


Thanks for the advice. And from marko polo too. I definitely try to limit contact with her as much as possible and 99% of our communication is by text. Every once in a while she calls me (I never call her), usually about a schedule change with the kids or an issue at school. She definitely has tried to be "friends" and I have no interest for the reasons you state--friends do not treat people the way she treated me. I have no problem being civil, but I see no point in being friendly. 

Again, thanks for the advice.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> First of all congratualations. Sounds like you did very well, got lots of good advice and implemented that advice.
> 
> I think that in this day and age we don't pay enough attention to ceremonies. Ceremonies are ways of marking major events in one's life and in making transitions. Weddings, graduations, funerals are examples of ceremonies.
> 
> ...


I am actually having dinner with some people tonight and we're having a nice bottle of wine to celebrate the divorce. I am also meeting up with two of my best friends on Friday for drinks to celebrate as well. While I'm not sure this constitutes a ceremony per se, it is a way to celebrate moving forward.


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