# taking care of yourself



## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

i'm just wondering what all of you do to take care of yourself when your going through sep/divorce. esp. those that have children. i find it hard because i work and put on a face then i come home and put on a face so the kids don't see and there really isn't any time for me to feel what i'm feeling except in bed at night and then i don't sleep well to go about my day the next day.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

It is so very hard. Especially for us with smaller children who are more dependent on us. 
I am trying to hard to keep my stress under control. I have to take the few moments in the shower, or when the little guy is playing. Take a bath if you get a chance, read a book, get out for a walk. Anything that allows you to take your mind off this, even if just for a little while.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't have children, but these would be my tips....

1. Be very patient with yourself, don't expect too much to soon. I found that putting pressure on myself to just keep going as 'normal' was counterproductive in the end.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family e.g is there someone who can come a stay for a while to help out so you don't have to put a face on the whole time?

3. Consider some sick leave / compassionate leave from work if this is possible - means you don't have to pretend all the time.

4. Get fresh air - leave the house, if only for a short walk to local shop or around the park. Helps with sleep.

5. Short course of sleeping tablet might help - if you get very tired, things just seem even worse.

6. get some multivitamins - you might not be eating so well so that could help you feel like you're taking care of yourself. I got a new eye cream too - it's no miracle 'cure' but it made me feel like I was doing something nice for myself.

I'm not sure this is any help - they are all small things....the best thing I did was admitting I wasn't coping well and getting time off work - it isn't possible to process all your emotions if you are always having to present a face and be brave.....


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

My kids are older, so just chasing them around keeps me positively busy...

read self help books...read the bible...

work out when possible, great way to get rid of stress...

keep a journal, write things down when feeling overly burdened...

spend time with friends...

I even find it helpful to look in the mirror, I kinda like the guy looking back at me now!!!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

No tips from me...it's extremely hard...
I do what i can to NOT make their days as sad as mine
I don't even work and I think it's harder to be stay at home mom at the moment ,work i'm sure takes your mind off things.
I do work out though...1 hr a day..it helps sometimes...sometimes i feel extreme sadness in the gym while working out....you never know when it's going to hit you...there are certain triggers for me...a song, a couple that holds hands...etc..

(((hugs)) be strong


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> No tips from me...it's extremely hard...
> I do what i can to NOT make their days as sad as mine
> I don't even work and I think it's harder to be stay at home mom at the moment ,work i'm sure takes your mind off things.
> I do work out though...1 hr a day..it helps sometimes...sometimes i feel extreme sadness in the gym while working out....you never know when it's going to hit you...there are certain triggers for me...a song, a couple that holds hands...etc..
> ...


unemployed at this time, so have too much 'think' time.
try and keep busy, go for walks in the evening if you can.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

My kids are older and that's a BIG help. I don't know if I would be handling this half as well if it were 10 years ago. 

Just getting separated was a HUGE stress reduction for me. It was SO bad when we were together that it's a relief now. I think that's where I differ from a lot of people who are separated. The separation isn't the source of the stress. 

In fact, seeing my husband stresses me out and I've been working on that. Seeing/calling him less and trying to be less confrontational and hostile when I do see him (which can be very difficult). 

Work definitely keeps me busy. At first I was overwhelmed by it but now my schedule has settled down and I have "normal" hours again, which helps reduce stress. 

Things I do to help reduce stress is work out regularly and watch my diet and take care of myself. I get my hair done, watch my weight, eat right (sorta  ) etc. 

Sleep is no problem for me..it's getting enough of it that is. I tend to be a night owl, which doesn't mesh with my 6 am wake up time. 

When I feel strung out one of my favorite things to do at home is to light up a Yankee Candle, turn on some tunes I like, have a glass of wine and just lie on my bed and listen. It's really cool to fall asleep like that. :smthumbup:

I also do stuff like play games on the computer in the evenings and on bad weather weekends. I enjoy that too. Tomorrow it's supposed to rain all day and that's what I plan to do. The little stuff counts for a lot. 

On weekends I'll treat myself to something good to eat and try and do fun stuff. Fortunately I have a lot of hobbies so I've skied and we're getting into kayaking season. I keep busy. I also go out to clubs and listen to music a lot..and yes, I will go myself!

Learn to like being with yourself and doing stuff by yourself if need be. Take a bike ride, have a picnic, bring a good book. I often do that. 

Today I just went into town, picked up some goodies and walked around. 

If you have kids, plan stuff to do with them. I often take my kids out to a good meal or go shopping with my daughter, play computer games with my son. 

Try and maintain a positive attitude. Being separated may seem bad but is it as bad as what it was being in a bad marriage?


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

thanks everyone. will post something else that i think may not be helping me right now.


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