# Taking the kids far away from me



## Lone (Jun 12, 2012)

Dear all:

My post might indicate a state of an unfocused mind, but I am confused, so please bear with me.

My ex is sick, or so she claims, and wants to move my girls away with her to stay with some of her family members in the west coast to take care of her (moving from about three hours driving away from the east coast, where I live). I don’t know if she is really sick, or if it’s a ruse to get her wish of taking the girls and live in the west coast (which I have declined before, when things were normal), and maybe to start a legal battle from a place far away to put a burden on me. 

There are many reasons that leads me to suspect her, including the fact that all the hospitals she went to found nothing wrong with her, and discharged her after monitoring her for a couple of days. And the fact that her description of what she has changed over time from something I could sympathize with (something that I remember she had when we were together), to something that’s different, but can’t be pin-pointed to by medical tests. 

However, she had to be taken to the hospital two times, leaving the under-age girls alone. This caused the social services to get involved. Luckily, they waited for me to get them, and she got them back after she took a couple of weeks to recover. So, I am not sure if she did all of that as a part of a complicated plot (it seems extreme to me), but I don’t know what to believe. I also keep wondering what she is really sick and the hospitals just didn't do their job right? I don't want to be unfair.

She lied to me before, so I naturally don’t trust her. 

What’s the best way to deal with this? I feel that it’s unfair to restrict her movement, but it is also unfair to me to be so far from my girls. If she moves them there, the financial burden will also be great and won’t allow me to travel and see them as often. They can’t travel by themselves.

One thought that occurred to me was to get with an agreement with her to move only temporary until she recovers, and give her say 6 or 8 months, after that she either comes back with the girls, or sends them to live with me. I can eat the cost for several months, but I can't sustain that for long.

What should I do? What do you advise? Please.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

After divorce, parties move. That's just the way it is. But relocating with kids involves the court. Do you have a custody agreement? Relocating to the opposite side of the country is a substantial change of circumstances that would warrant a modification of any custody agreement/order. And if her failing health is the reason for the move, is she physically capable of taking care of the kids?

Are you in a position to take custody? You said you can eat the cost for several months, but can't sustain it. Explain please. Are you paying child support? Lots of states (although not all) figure the cost of transportation for long-distance visitation into the child support.
Do you have an attorney or are you trying to work this out with her?


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I think this is one of those areas that you most definitely need to discuss with an attorney. Since you don't trust her, a written agreement, outside of court involvement, may not be enforceable. Thankfully you have a record of social services involvement. If she cannot take care of herself, she most definitely cannot take care of your children.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I took a peek at your other post a couple of years ago, where she tried to move to another city to go to school and take the kids. So she's found a new rationale to try to pull the same trick?

If she really wants to move to be close to her family for whatever reason she concocts, that's her choice. But she has no right to move your children. They don't need that upheaval in their lives. They can live with you when she moves away and she can pay you child support.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lone said:


> Dear all:
> 
> My post might indicate a state of an unfocused mind, but I am confused, so please bear with me.
> 
> ...


You don't and can't restrict her movements but the kids is a whole other matter. I wouldn't agree to anything or write up any temporary contract without the court signing off on it 

If my x said this to me my response would simply be sorry your sick the kids can stay with me while you go to your family for support. If her response was they are coming with me my response would be see you in court.

Least wise in Colorado she will loose that case.


----------



## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

I am female; but I sure wouldn't let her take your kids that far away without your agreeing to it. I moved to another state when my STBX and I decided to separate to be closer to my family. However; he helped us move down here and was in total agreement with it so quite a different arrangement than you have. I would also worry that if she is sick; how is that going to benefit the kids especially being so far away from their Dad?

Definitely get your lawyer involved in this.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Lone said:


> Dear all:
> 
> My post might indicate a state of an unfocused mind, but I am confused, so please bear with me.
> 
> ...


*Get with your lawyer to file a motion with the court to intervene! The court will be able to help ferret out the truth behind why such a move is deemed to be so imminent!

But do so well before any move can be affected ~ as it's rather tough for a court to properly exercise it's legal jurisdiction once that move has been executed, more especially with no objection whatsoever to that move on your part before that court!

The court has the inherent power of being able to keep those kids within the confines of its very own state boundaries!*


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Time to speak with a legal counselor...if nothign else to stay informed and able to play your pieces to their best.

DONT WAIT!


----------



## Lone (Jun 12, 2012)

Thank you all very much. You are great. I'll call a lawyer tomorrow and see what I can get arranged.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Too late to reply but I would say the same thing. Glad you're going to contact legal counsel. If she presses the issue or moves without consulting them, you'll have to move quickly because right now they are in your jurisdiction but generally once children have been a resident of another jurisdiction for 6 months, they fall under that one, meaning you'd have to get an attorney there, go to court there, etc. You want to be SURE to keep jurisdiction in the current state.

Meanwhile, document everything you can about their lives here - friends, sports, activities, lifestyle. This is HOME.

And then if you already have an attorney of record, you can immediately react. Also they can subpoena health records, etc. If she's not ill she's only trying to make excuses for taking them away from everything they've ever known. If she really is sick, then parenting will be challenging for her tho she might be trying to work the sympathy factor. It really depends on what the illness is. 

Meanwhile be sure to not ever miss any events of theirs, be fully involved and never miss a support payment so the courts/her attorney cannot misconstrue anything against you.


----------



## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

Check to see if your state allows her to move. Some states won't allow the parent to relocate with the children without notification via certified mail at least 60-90 days in advance. If she won't comply with this, she will be in contempt of court and in violation of the custody plan.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If she is sick to the point of needing outside help for her care why not sue for full custody of the kids? Seems to me their best interest is being with a healthy parent who can focus on their needs. Her medical history may also work in your favor, if she has chronic debilitating issues and now additional health issues the court may rule she isn't physically able to be a diligent parent.


----------

