# Is he cheating?



## jessicabrooke (Jul 15, 2016)

My husband has a history of emotional and sexual abuse. After time apart and counseling, things have been much better. He has been completely nice to me, more nice than he's ever been, and hasn't pressured me into sex once.

He has a gorgeous coworker who I hear him flirting with (when he thinks I can't hear) when I call. I have been suspicious about them for a while, and had a really bad gut feeling. Add to that he's late getting home every time she works. I have noticed the car seat that stays in the back is always unbuckled or thrown aside the next day when I use the car. 

The other day I asked him if I could use the car to go get some cookie dough while he's working, his work is 10 minutes away, and I'll pick him up when he gets off (my pregnancy has been really hard and my cravings are the only thing that I can enjoy lately). Well he FLEW OFF THE HANDLE. I've never seen him so pissed. He started yelling and cussing at me about how he can't BELIEVE I'm using "his fu**ing car" to get some "fu**ing cookie dough" and downplaying my pregnancy symptoms. He let me know that it's his car because he paid for it (it's our only car) and it's not mine at all, and I have to ask permission before I use it. The whole way to work he's cussing, yelling, pouting, etc. Just really awful behavior. I couldn't believe he got so upset about it. Usually he has NO PROBLEM whatsoever with me using his car. When we got to his work, his little girlfriend saw him and her face lit up like it was Christmas, then saw me and I've never seen her so upset while looking away. She kept glancing at us until I left.

I decided to confront him when he got home because it was pretty obvious at this point. He denied it, first of all, yelled at me even more than earlier and cussed me out, called me dumb and retarded, yelled "I would never choose some dumb b*tch, some sl*t over my marriage!" I told him that was weird that he was calling her a sl*t. I kept asking him why she was one. He yelled at me again to shut the f*ck up and stormed off for a long time. After he got back and I said I believed him, he told me not to touch him because I've done fu**ed up and that I better not try to have sex with him anytime soon. He then started gloating saying he won and I lost/continuing to avoid me.

Of course, since then, he's apologized and try to make up but I'm just so disgusted by him. I've never been treated so sh*tty in my life.

So what do you guys think? (Sorry for all the cuss words but I had to tell you guys everything he's saying)


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Of course he's cheating but you already knew that. You just want someone to validate it. The second your gut told you he was cheating you knew he was. Spouses know each other better than any other person. That's why your radar goes off with even the smallest behavior changes. Rarely does a spouse suspect cheating and there's no cheating.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

I can't believe you let him treat you that way, regardless if he was cheating or not.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*That car seat is not staying unbuckled because he's busy looking for dimes and nickels down in seat cover crevices! Wake up and smell the coffee!

Methinks it's primarily because he's busy looking for something down in some "other crevice" back there!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

He showed you who he was before. For your sake and the sake of the baby safely get out of this relationship. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

From the way you I act, I can see why he is cheating. You're a doormat. He probably thinks you're too dumb to figure it out. Prove he is wrong. It's up to you to put an end to this.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Unbelievable...there is no mindful in this and I am not a quick one on the divorce path recommendations.

Alone is better... you and your baby's health is at stake here.

Serve him and be done...he was only nice because he had a sweetie on the side to fill his time and now you are in the way, this abuse you continue to experience will only get worse when the baby comes and more from him is expected.

I so dislike bullies...


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Ugh.

Some men are just disgusting.

Actually it doesn't even matter if he is cheating on you, because he is unfit to be a husband or father.

Sorry you are here.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

So when are you leaving him? 

Since you already made excuses for him in the first couple of sentences I believe you'll not be leaving anytime soon. 

What happens when he hits you? 
Because that train of behaviour he's displaying, trust me it gets worse. 

How many reasons do you need to leave
1. Adultery
2. Uncontrollable Outbursts of Anger
3. Verbally Abusive
4. Emotionally Abusive
5. Financial Abuse
6. Manipulating

He needs physiatrists! Before he ends up in prison for violence. 

Quit worrying about the other women & walk away, you cannot help him only yourself & your baby. 

What if the baby is crying and he has one of his anger outbursts? 
Get out now before something terrible happens. 

I've dated this type of guy, guess what? 
It only gets better when you leave. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

What would be the impact of you were to serve him with divorce papers? Really, really think about this question.

You may think it impossible for you to leave him (especially with one on the way) but I assure you, it will be harder to stay.

Listen clearly - people who have been abused in any way are far more likely to repeat that pattern. Right now it is just verbal abuse - it wasn't even this "bad" before, I'm guessing. But that is the pattern. It will escalate.

Please, do yourself a favor and leave before he really hurts you or your child. It WILL come to that eventually.

Don't be a doormat. Leave - he has the nerve to be mad at you for asking to use a car, and then yells that you need to ask permission before using "his" car?

If you want more proof, and if you have the funds, get a quality voice activated recorder and hide it in his car - somewhere where he won't find it. Have a friend listen to what it finds.

Good luck, and stay safe.


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

Sorry to hear your going through this especially while being pregnant. He sounds very verbally abusive and hopefully not up to the point of being physically abusive. 

I have learned to trust my gut feelings. I may not be able to call specifics "Mr. Green in the study with the candlestick. " I did recently call out my wife on a gut feeling hoping it was just some sort anxiety and found out I was right. 

If he can't give you a reasonable explanation for the carseats, becomes overly possessive of the car, and throws a fits when questioned about his coworker and disrespects both of you at the same time. I would say that's hanging himself and then some. 

Stress isn't good for you and the baby. I could give you some hopeful positive thoughts but this guy doesn't sound worthy..





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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

My father had a history of emotional and sexual abuse. 

After time apart and counseling, things were always better at home. He would be completely nice to us kids and my mom. That usually wore off in a month or two.

I'm pretty sure my mother's abusive relationship started out much the same as yours. I cannot tell you the impact my mother's decision to stay had on all of us kids. I dreaded going home after school every single day until I had the courage to run away at 16. My earliest memory is hearing my father scream vile and disgusting things at my mother, not much different from some of the stuff your husband said. If he can speak to you this way when you're pregnant and most vulnerable, it will only get worse.You think you're hurt now? Imagine how much worse it's going to be when your son or daughter has to be the one wiping your tears away. 

Today I share equal indifference towards my mother and father. My mother had all the support in the world plus six crying eyes begging her to leave and she chose to stay. We've all grown up and she's run out of excuses as to why she can't accept the help to leave.

Please, do not kid yourself into thinking his is a typical angry response. Please, for the sake of your child, leave now. The longer you stay, the harder it's going to be to get the courage to leave. 

Having a partner with a history of emotional and sexual abuse is no reason to make excuses for their emotional abuse towards you.


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## jessicabrooke (Jul 15, 2016)

Ok first, what's wrong with my username?

I do want to leave him badly. I'm on the verge of doing it honestly. I just wanted some opinions so I don't feel so bad about leaving. I recently found out my mom is addicted to pain pills, and my grandmother is too far from my OB and my school. I don't have anywhere else to go so it's just making the transition. And gaining the courage to tell him it's over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So you know that you need to leave him. 

How bad is your mom's addiction? Is she using after an injury and just need some help getting off them? Or is this a long time drug addiction issue?

Can you get on welfare, EBT and get housing? Being pregnant might expedite the help. Have you tried going to Goodwill. They often help people get set up on their own. Or look for a shelter for abused women. Ask them for help.

Your husband is just a scary person.


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## jessicabrooke (Jul 15, 2016)

She is lifelong addicted to them. She claimed she had stopped after going to acupuncture but today she asked me if I had any pills, claiming she had an accident at work. I am on EBT and about to get Medicaid. Just need to figure out about housing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jessicabrooke said:


> She is lifelong addicted to them. She claimed she had stopped after going to acupuncture but today she asked me if I had any pills, claiming she had an accident at work. I am on EBT and about to get Medicaid. Just need to figure out about housing.


Check out Goodwill. I know of people who they helped get a place... they paid deposit and first month I think.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

jessicabrooke said:


> Ok first, what's wrong with my username?
> 
> I do want to leave him badly. I'm on the verge of doing it honestly. I just wanted some opinions so I don't feel so bad about leaving. I recently found out my mom is addicted to pain pills, and my grandmother is too far from my OB and my school. I don't have anywhere else to go so it's just making the transition. And gaining the courage to tell him it's over.


If that is your real name, you may want to ask to have this thread moved to a more private forum.

Once you figure out housing, I would suggest just leaving. Be gone one day before he gets home. Telling him you're leaving might be dangerous.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JessicaB, everyone has said what needs to be said. If he finds out he will probably not let you leave. If you get the car again, VAR it. People like your WH will try and manipulate and wriggle their way back into your life again, esp with having a child together. Get evidence as that will nail the coffin for him.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

jessicabrooke said:


> I have noticed the car seat that stays in the back is always unbuckled or thrown aside the next day when I use the car.
> 
> When we got to his work, his little girlfriend saw him and her face lit up like it was Christmas, then saw me and I've never seen her so upset while looking away. She kept glancing at us until I left.


I'd be more concerned about drug use.

The glance thing is a big warning sign though, so definitely some sort of attachment - but that could be because he *****es about you to her while they're at work (so thus you are "the evil one", and she can feel supportive to others in the office.

what is really a big issue however is his verbal abuse and treating you as a lesser person in the _partnership_. I'm not sure which country/state you're in, but in many places there is anti-violence support for family members, and they will be able to advise you (or put you on to someone who can).

Yes, it is tough, tiring, and stressful for him (as well as you) - many of us guys have been through it, and the sooner he can get better ways of dealing with the anger and stress the better it is for him, you, and any children (including the neighbours).

As for sexual/affair thing, you'll need to look for more than what you've described - although if they're using the car, a VAR will be a good start.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Guys i would advise OP to just up and leave. Whether he is cheating or not who knows (probably). But he's also violent and I wouldn't trust he wouldn't FLIP his SH-T if he ever discovered a VAR. don't mess with the VAR. Leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You should not feel bad about leaving him. From what you've told us, this guy is a complete loser. Maybe after years of therapy he can become a better man. But he's not there right now. I'm sorry for your and your child.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I'm sorry but have bigger problem than your husband cheating on you. You are in an abusive realtionship. No one should ever talk to you that way and you should not put up with Verbal abuse for one minute. I would be leaving my husband if he ever spoke to me that way and I don't care what I accused him of or questions I asked him. Is this really the kind of behaviour you want your child growing up seeing?


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## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

I'm sure he's the bastard you say he is but it's also true he's down by law if you live in America. 

You don't need to leave. 

All you need to do is tell a judge you are scared and all his constitutional rights go out the window. A sheriff will come and he'll be removed from the house.

Lucky you!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cheating or not, he's not much of a husband and a rubbishy father to be. 

And lawyer up, ASAP.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

He doesn't seem too bright. And even dumber to think you are so dumb you wouldn't notice all those red flags. He probably freaked because he knew his gf would see you and freak. Her reaction gives a clue potentially that he may have spun a different story to her on his marriage status. She would have seen you and your pregnant belly getting out of the car she had clearly spent time in with your H. It's also possible that she knew he was married, but maybe it hit home when she saw you? Either way, this is on your H and his loyalty to you as his W. What a dumb ****. So sorry you were treated abusively. Please know it's not your problem. 

Oh, also, I loved your line: "how do you know she is a sl*t?"


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## texasmom13 (Feb 18, 2016)

If you need proof, show up unexpectedly and just hang out in the parking lot and watch. When you see the two of them in the car doing the nasty, you will have your proof. 

He is emotionally abusing you and no one deserves that. You sound like a sweet girl and I was scared of your husband just by reading how he talks to you. He is a manipulative, controlling self-centered, and a narcissist person. He doesn't care about you or your feelings, just himself and his own selfish needs.

People who only think of themselves will be left with exactly that in the end, themselves.

You deserve someone who loves and respects you, he's out there, but you won't find him while being married to this jerk. You are short changing yourself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your immediate needs:

1) See attorney about divorce preparations
2) After child is born, find a place to stay....relatives are best, friends next.
3) If you have insurance through his employment....keep on it as long as necessary [separate..hold off on final divorce plans]. Babies and Moms need good health care. 

His worth in this world will fit in a shot glass.....a shot glass first hit with a hammer.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

Jessica, you're getting good advise here. You don't need to tell him anything. Get a restraining order and file for divorce.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jessica, are you ok?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> He doesn't seem too bright. And even dumber to think you are so dumb you wouldn't notice all those red flags. He probably freaked because he knew his gf would see you and freak. Her reaction gives a clue potentially that he may have spun a different story to her on his marriage status. She would have seen you and your pregnant belly getting out of the car she had clearly spent time in with your H. It's also possible that she knew he was married, but maybe it hit home when she saw you? Either way, this is on your H and his loyalty to you as his W. What a dumb ****. So sorry you were treated abusively. Please know it's not your problem.
> 
> Oh, also, I loved your line: "how do you know she is a sl*t?"


He might have told her he was married to an ugly, older woman. And that you and he haven't had sex in 18 months or so. 

And then you turn up, young, sexy and obviously pregnant and blow his cover to bits! Oops! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Legend (Jun 25, 2013)

...Leave


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