# Is friend interested in me ?



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Hi need some insights . A single dad who's my friend , heard abt my divorce in process aft a year of separation , had been asking abt my well being n also fir my children's well being . He talks to me a few times wrt my issues n gave advice n encouragement . No advances made on me at all . Not tried to hit on me in a sexual way at all . Gentlemanly . He did ask me on play dates for my children with him n his children but nothing is arranged as I mentioned it wld gd another time later . Every now n them he wld ask how's my divorce going n how I m coping . Question is this , is he being a friend n kind soul or is he interested to know me better ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

Probably a little of both and he's waiting for things to play out. If he really likes you he'll probably wait, he doesn't want to be the rebound.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Hmmmm I don't want him to be a rebound so I'm keeping my distance for now . Too nice a soul to be wasted as a rebound . Keep as a friend for now .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

any more advice ?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's male and you're female. Odds are pretty high he's interested. It's pretty safe to always assume tigers are interested in meat.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Most guys won't be your "friend" unless they find you psychically attractive.

Nature at play here....

If you feel that is ok and appropriate for a "friend" by all means continue this "friendship".

I'm getting a feeling you are asking this because perhaps you developed some feelings yourself?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> He's male and you're female. Odds are pretty high he's interested. It's pretty safe to always assume tigers are interested in meat.


I hope you dont mean that he is just seeing me as a potential pc of easy meat ?

I am not into casual relationship . I would be disappointed if my friend thinks that way .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> Most guys won't be your "friend" unless they find you psychically attractive.
> 
> Nature at play here....
> 
> ...



He's attractive too . Me too .

He's a nice man , nice friend , nice daddy to his children . I would be keen as he has the qualities that I would appreciate , but just not right now , still in process of divorce and healing . maybe just a little more time . dont want to feel for another man while I am vulnerable . dont need another mistake .


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> I hope you dont mean that he is just seeing me as a potential pc of easy meat ?


Not easy meat.

he would probably like more than a friendship....and obviously with that comes intimacy/ in time of course.



tripad said:


> I am not into casual relationship . I would be disappointed if my friend thinks that way .


We cant tell you how he thinks or what he thinks...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> He's attractive too . Me too .
> 
> He's a nice man , nice friend , nice daddy to his children . I would be keen as he has the qualities that I would appreciate , but just not right now , still in process of divorce and healing . maybe just a little more time .


Personally, I think you should share above with him. I think it will go a long way and is very smart for you to say above.

If he likes you, he will wait. You don't have to put your friendship on hold or anything but you can be smart about it and tell him that you feel attracted to him and would love to date him once your divorce is final and you are healed (which can take months).

If it gets too steamy you can always put your friendship on hold. But at least he will know that:
a) he has a chance
b) you have similar feelings
c) you are smart about the approach (divorce/healing)

these will go a LONG way to secure him until you are ready (to an extent of course).

Also building a strong friendship would go a long way and probably transfer well once you 2 start dating.

You can also take the "no friend" route and simply tell him that you will certainly reach out to him when you are completely healed.

I would probably recommend no opposite sex contact until you are completely healed. You might get foggy and not think clear as the relationship develops and blind yourself (think you are healed/ready when you are not).

But it also depends on how strong/disciplined you are.

Your call


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Only time will tell.

Why does it feel like I've read this exact question on here before?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

guess he is keen .
other day , i thought he was taking too long to get out of the playground gate , twisting the lock ( cute... ) even though his son was out n waiting already . i was just walking over so I could see and said hi . He acted like he was surprised to see me which was impossible . Chat a little , how m I and how is it going ....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> guess he is keen .
> other day , i thought he was taking too long to get out of the playground gate , twisting the lock ( cute... ) even though his son was out n waiting already . i was just walking over so I could see and said hi . He acted like he was surprised to see me which was impossible . Chat a little , how m I and how is it going ....


Sounds like a man madly in love to me......hehe <<< I could be wrong...

Wait for our female members to give you advice as well....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is for sure interested!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

tripad said:


> I hope you dont mean that he is just seeing me as a potential pc of easy meat ?
> 
> I am not into casual relationship . I would be disappointed if my friend thinks that way .


Men are supposed to be sexually interested in women and that doesn't presume that they are interested in an easy lay. It means they are functioning as normal males. If you were a guy or a very homely woman, do you think he would still be as concerned about your welfare? Does he call ugly women and try to arrange play dates for his kids? Does he call up single dads, ask them about the status of their divorces, how they're doing, or arrange play dates? If he doesn't and you don't believe he would, then the obvious answer is he finds you sexually attractive. Don't get all excited about it. He likely finds 50% of women on this planet sexually interesting. If he didn't find you sexually interesting you really wouldn't to explore the matter further.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> Personally, I think you should share above with him. I think it will go a long way and is very smart for you to say above.
> 
> If he likes you, he will wait. You don't have to put your friendship on hold or anything but you can be smart about it and tell him that you feel attracted to him and would love to date him once your divorce is final and you are healed (which can take months).
> 
> ...


Maybe he knows that I find him to be of good character and husband/daddy quality already .  Ironically , over a year ago before I exposed my own problems , I told him that he is a great guy n dad when I was trying to fix him up with a gf of mine who is really hot and yummy who is also a single mum . But he was not keen at all after a blind date , thinking that she is still very much immature and partying wildly . 

we both said that we wld invite the other party out for lunch/dinner/playdates/games "sometime later ". I figure we are dropping hints to each other ?


when healed , let's start slow with friends first i guess ?
I think he is just as afraid as I am of another mistake . We are both the givers and the ones taken advantage of in our respective marriage . Otherwise , he would have gone for my yummy hot gf . she was keen on him .

dont think I want to get "steamy"until I am sure before it blinds me .


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> Maybe he knows that I find him to be of good character and husband/daddy quality already .  Ironically , over a year ago before I exposed my own problems , I told him that he is a great guy n dad when I was trying to fix him up with a gf of mine who is really hot and yummy who is also a single mum . But he was not keen at all after a blind date , thinking that she is still very much immature and partying wildly .
> 
> we both said that we wld invite the other party out for lunch/dinner/playdates/games "sometime later ". I figure we are dropping hints to each other ?
> 
> ...


Tell him how you feel about him and that you would love to date him/be with him once you are ready.

If he likes you, he will respect that and let you heal....recover and make sure you are ready.

Meanwhile, I would probably recommend that you 2 take a break from friendship as ANY opposite sex contact would just not be healthy (he should respect that as well, and that will also tell him that you will not talk to other men).

If he really likes you, he will MORE than wait, trust me!!!

Ask him for email/phone and tell him you will reach out when you feel that you are ready. Make sure you tell him he has #1 spot when that time comes (reassure him of that).

I know I would, as not many women out there are smart enough to take time and heal after marriage. That alone would tell me "this woman is not only smart but a great catch".

Meanwhile, focus on healing and learn from your divorce/past relationship etc....and have fun with your kids/family and women friends. 

Best advice I can give you

Good luck


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

😇we r not in contact before as I was married , unless it's group party for children's birthdays . We r not in contact now as I'm still legally married .

Haha I'm gd girl ! 

Communications is via only apps - not even calls - abt once a month check on how m I doing or when advice is needed by me or bump in at common playground . 

If he waits , he will be no 1spot for sure . Maybe even the one . Man phobia of strangers aft this divorce . 

If he doesn't , he's not meant to be , there'll be another one . 

Great advice - but yes - I'm spending time on myself , kids , family n gf .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Hi update and opnions ?

old friends on TAM ?

 Life has been improving . Emotions calmer and more stable . My children getting better and coming out stronger . 

Back to my good old guy friend who seems interested in me .........whom I have put on hold in getting to know him better .........and he seems to put me on hold too , not making advances .......................

sometimes I wonder maybe he had moved on to another woman ....................and so be it then ..........better be ready than to make another mistake , right ?!.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, it seem that both of you have decided that this might not be something you want to get into right now.

Just enjoy life, meet people. Don't rush things.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

then .............last two weeks , I let my boys out to the pool while I was finishing up some stuff at home . When I went to get my boys , he was walking around ( without his children ) in the pool and we talked . I noticed he had his running shoes by the pool and he was in his running shorts ( strange ? )

Conversation went smooth but I realised he generally asked the questions about me , how am I , kids , that I looked 'trim and toned' , what exercises I am doing ,how much weight i have lost ..........many more......

then he shyly popped the questions on how is my divorce going and so I gave the update .

he was really comforting and telling me not to worry and eat and enjoy my boys . Seriously , he made me feel like a woman , something which I have not felt for long long long time while married . 

My boys told me later that they had met him while running around the pool and he came around later got into the pool and walked .

conicidence ??????? I kinda guess he waited around ??

Also , I felt so touched by his kind words that I send him a message to thank him for being all comforting and sweet in his words . Mistake ?????

Dont know about all this dating things about what you should do or not do . Just thought it's right to express my heartfelt thanks even as a human being to another , regardless if he likes me or not .

But YO , he is so sweet . if that is what he is , man , I wont be able to stop myself falling for him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when the time comes , of course , hahahah . It wont be too difficult to overcome this fear of getting into another lousy relationship with a lousy man . I did make known to him earlier this year that I am having 'man phobia '.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Good morning on the other half of the world n my old advisors !


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## hubbydude (May 15, 2014)

tripad said:


> then .............last two weeks , I let my boys out to the pool while I was finishing up some stuff at home . When I went to get my boys , he was walking around ( without his children ) in the pool and we talked . I noticed he had his running shoes by the pool and he was in his running shorts ( strange ? )
> 
> Conversation went smooth but I realised he generally asked the questions about me , how am I , kids , that I looked 'trim and toned' , what exercises I am doing ,how much weight i have lost ..........many more......
> 
> ...


Do you think that perhaps you're stringing him along a little? I'm not accusing, just asking.

Everyone likes to get the kind of attention he's giving you. Could it be that you're not interested in him but you want him to keep chasing you so you keep him sufficiently interested to continue?

Or could it be that you are interested in him and you want him to continue chasing you until you feel comfortable enough to stop running? Maybe you should just stop running and see what happens?

As a word of caution, keep in mind that he's in a similar position to you. He has needs, hopes, dreams just like you. And as a single Dad I dare say he's had similarly challenging relationships as you. Treat him as you'd like to be treated yourself. If you're not interested in him as a potential partner then tell him so and let him move on to someone who is. If you are interested, tell him so before he gives up and finds someone else.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

His refusal of the girl for the blind date is all you need to know.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

hubbydude said:


> Do you think that perhaps you're stringing him along a little? I'm not accusing, just asking.
> 
> Everyone likes to get the kind of attention he's giving you. Could it be that you're not interested in him but you want him to keep chasing you so you keep him sufficiently interested to continue?
> 
> ...


OH NO NO 
Not stringing him . wont dream of that .

He has been a really sweet man , listen to me cry and talk about my marriage problems which I have been hiding for years . Without taking advantage of me at all - physically - I mean - didnt take opportunity to grab a hug .

I am not running . I m just not ready .
1- my divorce is prob finslising in next few months , even thou effectively it is over 1-2 years back .
2-when i date , i dont want to talk abt my ex and cry anymore . I want to talk abt 'us ' and I want to hold his hands and stroke his cheeks . 

Well , initially I was not looking at him in that way as I was more depressed abt my failing marriage . Later , yes , I am interested if he were to ask me out , he has always been impressive as a single dad , and that's why I tried to intro him that hot yummy single mum friend of mine to him . 

I cant say anything to him right ? since he has not said anything to me either . I guess he either has a girlfriend already ( I dont think he has ) or he is protecting himself from being the rebound guy or to get involve with me not legally divorced and end up being the 3rd party . and i wont dream of doing that to him . 

he did invite me n boys for a game which I quietly told him I would love to go sometime later - hoping he will get the hint that I can go out with him or anyone else after my divorce is finalise . I think he is smart n he got it as he replied that he would arrange n let me know again .

I think he may only make a move when I am legally available .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> His refusal of the girl for the blind date is all you need to know.


he is British , same as you ?

i m chinese , typical petite fair skin black hair . even thou educated and working n smart n westernised in many ways , I m traditional in the way I think about marriage and sex .

How does that work out with a western man ?


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## hubbydude (May 15, 2014)

tripad said:


> OH NO NO
> Not stringing him . wont dream of that .
> 
> He has been a really sweet man , listen to me cry and talk about my marriage problems which I have been hiding for years . Without taking advantage of me at all - physically - I mean - didnt take opportunity to grab a hug .
> ......


You may not be intentionally stringing him along but....

1) There's a good chance he has the hots for you
2) You know he likely has the hots for you
3) You like him and the attention he gives you
4) You're not sure if you're interested in him as a potential partner but you purposefully tell him things to keep him interested in you (like going to a game together once your divroce is formalised)

Some might say that's stringing him along. Again, not judging, accusing or criticizing, just suggesting that you consider it from his perspective.

If your divorce is finalized in three months time and you meet some other hunky, nice guy, how will your guy-friend feel? If your divorce goes through and then the guy-friend makes a move and you tell him you're not interested, how will he feel? Have a think about whether you really are stringing him along or not, consciously or otherwise.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

tripad said:


> he is British , same as you ?
> 
> i m chinese , typical petite fair skin black hair . even thou educated and working n smart n westernised in many ways , I m traditional in the way I think about marriage and sex .
> 
> How does that work out with a western man ?


He specifically mentioned that he didnt want a party girl. He is looking for stability, a certain amount of predictability.

Wife material...are you that type?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

hubbydude said:


> You may not be intentionally stringing him along but....
> 
> 1) There's a good chance he has the hots for you
> 2) You know he likely has the hots for you
> ...


I think I think only that he likes me , since he has not said it specifically that he likes me .

Yes I like him .

Yes like him as a friend n he's definitely a potential partner.

Actually I'm considering from his perspective too that he should not get involved with me as I'm legally married . It's not right , for me , for him if he has same principles as I hav . 
Out of respect for him , I don't want him up have a third party label . 

My answers abt gg to the game with him one day is to let him know I will love to consider him once the time is right .

Of course I know I hav possibility of losing him if he falls for another woman . Then I wish him well . 

Hmmmm aft my divorce , if he ask me out , I'll love it . I'll be interested . Unless he shows other personality which I think is not desirable as a partner . 
If he is gd as a partner , I'll grow old with him 

Another hunk nice guy comes ard , that depends on our status then right ? If he is open relationship with me n exploring other dates , then I shld be too . 
If he pursue me n we progress n r in exclusive relationship , I'm not a cheater . 

Even when my husband failed me , I didn't cheat . 

Anyway , frankly , I may not meet many guys . I work to feed my kids . No time . 

N like my gf said to me , I would be too scared after this divorce to know n venture with stranger men . 
N that most likely I would feel safe with this friend only . My gf place her bets on this friend as the one I'll date n poss marry .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Don't you agree ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> He specifically mentioned that he didnt want a party girl. He is looking for stability, a certain amount of predictability.
> 
> Wife material...are you that type?





Ha 

I am wife material and mum material.

I am the "famous hands on mum around the neighbourhood " who does big parties twice yearly for my boys and my gf always said , "how do you do that ? I would yell at all of them and throw them into the pool ! 30 to 40 screaming yelling boys !"

N my this male friend had always been seeing me around with my boys in n out , teaching my boys to cycle , cooking for the parties , once of which he asked me for the recipe as his son likes the dish and i Quickly packed a whole lot for him to bring home after party thinking he must be deprived in the home cook food department as he is a single dad . 

In many of these parties , sometimes I thought i caught him looking at me busy with all the children in the parties . But I was busy running the party n didnt bother . 

He thought I am a housewife until now , he realised that I work to feed the family as my husband had failed me there too . He was disgusted that a man doesnt feed the family .

I didnt even tell my gf how my husband had failed me all these years while I was trying to make it work . Till he hits me in front of my children , I quit .

wife material ?
My gf said I am super woman super mum .

stability ?
I am the rock for my children .

He once complimented me that I was a great mum to my kids , that my kids seem stable even throughout the separation and divorce .
(Yup , I cry in the bathroom only , not to my kids . so my kids thought I am super woman too .)


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