# is this true?



## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

so yesterday people at work started asking me if i was going to start dating again. coz it's been over a year since he told me he didn't love me anymore and it'll be a yr in sept that we stopped sleeping in the same room. i said no coz i don't want to, i hate dating. so then they asked me if the ex was dating yet. i said not that i know of. i don't know if he'll tell me when he starts dating, but i do know that i can still call him at any time and he'll answer (i don't think he'd answer his phone if he out w/ another woman). so then the people at work said that because he isn't dating yet, even though he's the 1 that left, it means he might still want me back. i don't see how this is true. just because he doesn't want anyone else yet doesn't mean he wants me back, right? maybe he just wants to be alone for a while. i know he doesn't like dating that much either.

i'm just gonna start talking to people coz they keep putting ideas in my head that i don't need.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I don't think any of this talk points to him wanting you back. It could, however, be a fall back option until/unless you move on with your life.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i don't think so either, i just want people to stop hinting that he might come back.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

This may be wild, but it's a thought. In fact some family members suggested it to me; and the therapist went along with it too. Go out on a "date" or at least let him think you are going out on a date. His reaction will speak volumes. If it bothers him, he still has feelings for you. That's what I finally did to find out exactly where I stood in "Limbo Land".


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

I think a lot of times people get caught up in trying to make you feel better, not you "you" (all of us going through this) and they tend to speak what they "think" you want to hear...yes try the date thing, if it bugs him you'll see where he stands, if it doesn't then you have your answer.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

the only problem w/ that is that the idea of dating repulses me. i hated dating before (it was diferent w/ him though coz he hated dating also) and i can't see myself doing it now.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

I hate dating also, I'm beginning to wonder if after my divorce is final if I'm just going to be single FOREVER. I'm not a go out and try to meet someone type of girl seems those always bring the wrong ones around. I'm a do your daily routines type of person and if someone shows up in the midst of that then see where it goes from there. My DH and I got together together after me simply just texting one night when I was bored and asking him how he was (we'd been friends 6-7 years prior w/some benefits here and there and everywhere lol) and then it went from there...so not really sure what I'm going to do this time around.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Just make him think you are dating. Use your creativity! It's worth a try to get his reaction. I didn't actually go out on some of the dates I got accused of! It has been entertaining


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah...get dressed up, makeup, perfume...the whole shebang. But go to the library or a movie or Borders and have a cuppa with a book. 

I can't say I hate dating...never really done that, I think. Just always seem to have been in a relationship. I'm trying now via various sites...some interest..but no RL contact...sigh... more frustating than anything else. IDK what to do about it...never really been "out there" as it were.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Rhea said:


> ...so not really sure what I'm going to do this time around.


hmmm, want to see the fine ozark scenery?!?  Want to see Silver Dollar City? Want to go to some nice theater? Have a nice dinner sometimes?


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Ha! This girl has been to the good ole Ozarks many a time. Stbx's grandparents have a gorgeous house on Table Rock....lol


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

hmmm, want to visit them sometime?


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Yeah...get dressed up, makeup, perfume...the whole shebang. But go to the library or a movie or Borders and have a cuppa with a book.


Good suggestions! Something else which works well is to send yourself flowers--if you can make sure the estranged husband will see them. As I said, part of the fun is being creative!

Sounds like we are going to have some more company over in the Dating Scene section........


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

I also can't see myself "dating." I hate the thought of making conversation, going out with someone I barely know. Right now I'm just content to be with me. However, I had to laugh as a few weeks back I left a message with my good friend's answering machine as she and the family weren't home. Just telling her I was having a good day and was wondering what she was up to. Her hubby listened to the message and grilled her as to WHY I sounded soo happy. Was I seeing someone? Did I have a boyfriend? She laughed and said to him "maybe her therapy is working, maybe she's just happy!!" She told me he said " no I think she has a boyfriend." He and my ex still e-mail and talk. Wouldn't that be a hoot if it got back to him. Yeah jerk, I CAN have a life outside of you. :rofl::rofl:


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

1nurse said:


> I also can't see myself "dating." I hate the thought of making conversation, going out with someone I barely know. Right now I'm just content to be with me. However, I had to laugh as a few weeks back I left a message with my good friend's answering machine as she and the family weren't home. Just telling her I was having a good day and was wondering what she was up to. Her hubby listened to the message and grilled her as to WHY I sounded soo happy. Was I seeing someone? Did I have a boyfriend? She laughed and said to him "maybe her therapy is working, maybe she's just happy!!" She told me he said " no I think she has a boyfriend." He and my ex still e-mail and talk. Wouldn't that be a hoot if it got back to him. Yeah jerk, I CAN have a life outside of you. :rofl::rofl:


Way to go! I have a feeling that will get back to the ex. I know for a fact guys gossip too See how much fun it can be?!


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

flowers won't work, he'd never see them. same thing w/ getting dresse up to go out. he'd never see what i'd look like. besides, i already went out a lot w/out him before i started school. it didn't really work then and he knows i don't have the time now.

it doesn't matter anymore anyway


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

wonder said:


> ...
> it doesn't matter anymore anyway


hmmm, sounds kind of ominous...why is that, Wonder? Because it's all over? You don't care any more? 

I really do hope you're doing ok! (((*** HUGS ***)))

There used to be an expression used during the Vietnam war by the soldiers (I've heard it and used it myself). "It don't mean nothing." An expression of almost dispair, meaninglessness, futility, resignation, stupidity, purposelessness, pointlessness, IDGAF any more (hmmph, military was always good for acronyms, initials; you work it out), who cares.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Ahh military acronyms FUBAR'd one of my absolute faves.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

it means i'm just tired of everything and i give up. he can do what he wants and i'll do, well not the same coz i don't have the time. i'll just do what i need to do to get by. i'm putting the energy i have left into taking care of my kid and school.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Yes foucs on you (hard I know) and that kid of yours...most important at the time.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

it's not that hard actually to work on myself. the hard part is when everytime he does something nice for me, i feel myself being pulled back in and i have to force myself to walk away


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Yep I'm a pansy in that department as well. I need one big set of cahonas (however you spell that) it's definately not always a postive personality trait to be nice.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

dcrim said:


> There used to be an expression used during the Vietnam war by the soldiers (I've heard it and used it myself). "It don't mean nothing." An expression of almost dispair, meaninglessness, futility, resignation, stupidity, purposelessness, pointlessness, IDGAF any more (hmmph, military was always good for acronyms, initials; you work it out), who cares.


and that expression, which i used decades ago as well, is now used in various iterations by our disenfranchised citizens and people on the street.

it always meant to me a separation of myself from the world.

and who can resist the dark humor of fubar.

'the hard part is when everytime he does something nice for me, i feel myself being pulled back in and i have to force myself to walk away'

wonder (i still love the nic, it exhudes promise) your husband is sending mixed signals because he is, well, mixed.

and you're hypersensitive to his signals because, well, you're mixed as well.

butbutbut you've started to set up some proper boundaries and so stick to them.

he's not now, in any way other than legally, your husband.

please keep in mind though you have much working for you and looking ahead will serve you better than looking behind.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Rhea said:


> Ahh military acronyms FUBAR'd one of my absolute faves.


I used to serve on the USS Kittyhawk (hull number CV-63). A favorite refrain was: m-i-c...k-e-y...CV63!  

Does anyone know what BOHICA means? Bend Over Here It Comes Again! 

And FTN did not NOT mean Free The Nukes!


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

recent_cloud said:


> and that expression, which i used decades ago as well, is now used in various iterations by our disenfranchised citizens and people on the street.
> 
> it always meant to me a separation of myself from the world.
> 
> ...




him being mixed is making me want to beat him in the head. but i won't coz i would be wrong.

i have no clue if in his head he doesn't consider himself my husband anymore. i would think if he did think it was completely over, then he would have filed by now. i will NEVER believe the excuse that he couldn't afford it (he hasn't said that to me). even the lawyer i talked to said if he really wanted out, nothing would have stopped him.
so now here i am, waiting for him to decide what he wants and all i want is for everything to be settled between us (i actually can't afford to pay for a divorce) to save what little sanity i have left.
i hate not having control.

but whatever i'll do what i need to do


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

Rhea said:


> Ahh military acronyms FUBAR'd one of my absolute faves.


I am fond of SNAFU


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