# Growth through infidelity trauma



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

I find myself 4.5 years on from having being cheated on leading to divorce thinking about how different my life is now. 

Not practically different but different in relation to the VALUE and PERCEPTION. 
I feel sure I wouldn't see things in such a conscious way if I wasn't forced to re-evaluate my life and the meaning of life in general through extensive counselling.

I write this message in this section as a message of encouragement and hope to those who are having a tough time and to encourage you to make the most of counselling services.

Know that the years of pain you will endure will lead to enlightenment (for lack of a better word) where life will have meaning and make sense. 

I feel sure I wouldn't have been forced to assess my life in such detail without this trauma.

Has anyone else felt the same?


----------



## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

poida said:


> I find myself 4.5 years on from having being cheated on leading to divorce thinking about how different my life is now.
> 
> Not practically different but different in relation to the VALUE and PERCEPTION.
> I feel sure I wouldn't see things in such a conscious way if I wasn't forced to re-evaluate my life and the meaning of life in general through extensive counselling.
> ...


Yes.

The past 18 months has changed me at the fundamental base level (i.e. unconscious level).

Your mention of VALUE and PERCEPTION struck a chord, as I feel without all the crap that has happened over the past few years, these changes within would not have happened, or would have taken far longer, and I may have ended up married with kids by that stage, unable to truly break free.


----------



## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Any sort of major life event can lead to personal growth that may not have happened otherwise. 
"Life sets the test first, and then offers the lesson" - said somebody clever. But not everyone has the courage and wisdom to learn it.
So this is great to hear!


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

I'll post an update one day before the year is done so I can keep this simple and short for now but this is a very insightful post.

From what I have learned at looking at what others have gone through on here, in real life and in my life, just like anything else in life, different people will handle it in different ways.

My experience now is that; if you are stable, centered person to begin with and you throw in genuinely a happy person with some drive. You are going to make it out of this just fine, maybe even better in some cases AND YES, counseling is a must!

I'm 15 Months removed from the D-Day that started this whole new life, 8 months since the divorce started and 2 months removed from the divorce being finalized. It was Hell but I took it, I didn't deflect anything and I think because I did my time in Hell, in purgatory with regards to the pain and anguish it caused, I was able to grow from that, learn from that and rise from the ashes. 

I still would have never chosen divorce if my EW would have came back into the marriage and re-committed. I wouldn't have wanted my kids to go through this but now that it's happened, the fog has lifted on myself and I will live a better, more fulfilling life for me and the new people in it, that is crystal clear now. It's just the growing pains with what the kids have to go through. I would rather be meh and chug along with life for my kids to spend 100% in one house but again, since that choice was taken from me, I'm going to the best I can as a Father. And now the guilt has worn off that I had after the Divorce about actually enjoying myself. 

Life threw me one Hell of a curveball, things I will never forget but life is good .... God is good!


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I am not the BS, nor would I say I have had largely 'positive' growth from the infidelity experience I had. I'm the product of an affair, cut off by most of the family, and purged the remaining members from my life. 

Parts of my life has certainly improved. I finally managed to get a job at a big firm in my industry that I believe will help me get on the consulting track. I've managed to chase what dreams I had as a kid (like playing football at a semi-pro level). I have much better control of my alcoholism. Some will probably argue that drinking means I'm still an alcoholic, I restrict myself to only social drinking, and at most two days a week. I have the bachelor's pad I dreamed of when I was thinking of my life after college. 

Apart from all the things on the exterior, emotionally I am a graveyard. 

I do date. I can't form emotional, loving, or trusting relationships with women. I just don't feel anything for those I sleep with. 
Not to say I trust men any more. 
I barely trust people in general. I assume people are always out for themselves, and will do whatever underhanded things they feel they can get away. 
I haven't talked to my mother in 18 months. Haven't seen my siblings or cousins in 2, going on 3 years. And I haven't talked to, or even been able to see, the man who raised for...I think I'm going on month 42. 

Guess we can't all be success stories.


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Broken at 20 said:


> I am not the BS, nor would I say I have had largely 'positive' growth from the infidelity experience I had. I'm the product of an affair, cut off by most of the family, and purged the remaining members from my life.
> 
> Parts of my life has certainly improved. I finally managed to get a job at a big firm in my industry that I believe will help me get on the consulting track. I've managed to chase what dreams I had as a kid (like playing football at a semi-pro level). I have much better control of my alcoholism. Some will probably argue that drinking means I'm still an alcoholic, I restrict myself to only social drinking, and at most two days a week. I have the bachelor's pad I dreamed of when I was thinking of my life after college.
> 
> ...


I do hope you are seeing counselor.
If you work hard on yourself in counselling you will realise that your issues are only within yourself. 
Until you are happy within yourself you won't be able to form meaningful relationships.


----------

