# Giving up my dreams?



## dreamingluke (Apr 13, 2014)

Been married for 17 years, and it's been a long hard road. I've gone through a lot and should have left years ago, but I didn't. There has been drug and alcohol abuse, and lets just say it was not enjoyable. Much of this time I was depressed and very unhappy and instead of going out to bars, or having an affair, I found a hobby that has become a lifestyle for me and a passion. I have two horses who got me through some very tough times and still do. They are happy to see me, I love them to death, and I always feel good when I am around them. However, within the last short while things have improved somewhat with husband, who suffice to say hates my horses, and would like me to get rid of them. Financially I can afford them, that's not the problem. He just hates them. My dream has for a long time been to own a small acreage away from the city and live a more simple life with my horses and maybe a few other animals of sorts. However, he says no, not going to...and he is adamant. I ask for nothing, I have stopped expressing my opinions, desires, wants as they don't matter unless he agrees with it. I wonder should I give up on my dreams, as he won't support or share in them, or do I move on and try to achieve them myself.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Being an animal lover myself, I could never live with a man who wouldn't indulge my passions. And that's a choice only you can make. However, I don't know of anyone who gave up a vital part of what made them happy, and remained happy.


----------



## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Do you have children? If so, my answer is different. 

If you do not have children, go for your dreams. If there is a compromise, I would try to work that, but if it's your dream/horses/happiness and your H won't compromise.....the dream wins. I've been married 16 years. If I didn't have small children.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

My question is why does he hate them? Does he hate the amount of time you devote to the horses, the expense? Is he just firmly a cityboy and would never live in the country? You have said that your marriage has had some tough times and the horses have been your outlet instead of other things. 

He should be supportive of a hobby and passion of yours but if he feels he has been pushed aside because of it maybe that is where the problem is.


----------



## loreebee (Apr 19, 2014)

As someone who gave up the SAME EXACT dream over 20 years ago, I can tell you that you can bottle it up and put it away, but inevitably, it will pop right back out. When it does, there is no pushing it back down.

I would not, under any circumstance (even having kids), give up something that is a huge part of who you are, a piece of your identity.

Resentment builds, and anger festers. My story is a bit different in that when we met, and were first married, my husband knew it was my dream to have a farm, give lessons, board, train, etc. It had always been my life, and I wanted it to continue.

About 4 years into the marriage, he pulled that rug right out when he said he didn't want that life, didn't want to live on a farm.

I guarantee, had I known that before we married, I never would have married him. And here we are married almost 24 years, and I am at that point of "I am getting that farm, either with you or without you..your choice, but I will not give up my dreams any more".

But, that is my story. Yours, if they are that important to you, if they are such a big piece of your life, I would not give it up. This quote above "I don't know of anyone who gave up a vital part of what made them happy, and remained happy. " says it all. Spot on. Well said.


----------

