# Tips to deal with selfish lover



## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Looking for tips on dealing with selfish lover.

I'm a HD and very forward with my husband. He loves the attention I give him. The flirting, random stuff, the dirty talk but its rarly returned in the same fashion. 

What's the best way to approach when your SO is getting all the exotic attention you would like return back.

Thx


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

If you send him a naughty text, what is his response?


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

BigbadBootyDaddy said:


> If you send him a naughty text, what is his response?


I'm not sure how to answer that..but usually an eggplant and peach emjoi


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think that our default is to treat people how we want to be treated and to show love how we want to receive it. 
I am like you. Intimacy, touch, and sex are important to me and make me feel loved and happy so I shower my partner with it. My partner on the other hand loves sex but just thinks it’s sex, not love. So he doesn’t return what I need. 
It could be selfishness, or ignorance, or just that we all have are own default setting. Probably a combination of all of them. 

The only thing I can think of is try to positively guide his behavior by verbally appreciating him when he does something you like. I think that you can tell him hey I want you to be more verbally raunchy with me, and that might work. But in my experience, people just go back to their default setting. 

Sorry I wasn’t very helpful lol/


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Angel82 said:


> Looking for tips on dealing with selfish lover.
> 
> I'm a HD and very forward with my husband. He loves the attention I give him. The flirting, random stuff, the dirty talk but its rarly returned in the same fashion.
> 
> ...


I would always get turned on if given an accidental blowjobs. So, you texting him a single liner message like “I’m having banana and thinking about you while having it bit by bit” would definitely make him want you badly.

More on your reply 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

That doesn't really sound like a selfish lover to me. It sounds like you have different ways of expressing yourselves. Not everyone likes, feels comfortable, or knows how to sext, dirty talk, etc. He may just not be a forward person, some people aren't. 

If he only focuses on himself in bed, then maybe he's selfish. But just based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound selfish. 

Have you ever talked to him and told him what you want him to do? IMO, that's step #1... he can't read your mind. I'd say acknowledge and praise the **** out of him when he does do something you like, even if it's small. If you have talked to him and he hasn't changed, then maybe you need to teach him what you want him to do. Just doing those behaviors yourself might not be enough.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Angel82 said:


> Looking for tips on dealing with selfish lover.
> 
> I'm a HD and very forward with my husband. He loves the attention I give him. The flirting, random stuff, the dirty talk but its rarly returned in the same fashion.
> 
> What's the best way to approach when your SO is getting all the exotic attention you would like return back.


I hate to break this to you, but you can't change your partner's behavior to what you want. Only they can change their behavior. You can change the dynamic in your relationship which will cause them to change their behavior, mostly because you will no longer accept certain behaviors and you can offer positive reinforcement for good behavior. Changes in your partners behavior may not be in the direction you want, or you may get lucky, but ultimately they get to make the changes.

You might want to read one of the books by MW Davis and 5 Love Languages by Chapman. You can change yourself, you can do 360's, you can try negotiation, and you can get the help of a Sex Therapist, but when the dust settles, it is your spouse who will either decide not to change or change in a way that you may not be able to predict.

Good Luck


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Make sure he actually WANTS you. My W is extremely HD, flirty, handsy ... but she’s also a real a&$hole a lot of the time. A belligerent, minimizing, mean anger ball ... “Ehh I’m always all over you, always initiating ... wish you’d do that to ME.” Uhh yeah, that won’t be happening. And yep, she gets a lot of peaches and eggplants.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Angel82 said:


> I'm not sure how to answer that..but usually an eggplant and peach emjoi


Be still my beating heart. 

Average Joe DOES have a point. My brother married a highly sexed woman and thought he'd hit the jackpot. Until a couple years later that is, when the thrill had worn off and he actually started dreading going home. He said more times than not, she'd be dressed in a negligee waiting to pounce on him when he got home and truth be told, it just wasn't exciting for him anymore. He said no matter how many times he flat out TOLD her he wasn't in the mood and just wanted dinner and to relax in his chair, she was still humping his leg like a dog in heat.

How attractive.

For some people, too much of a good thing is JUST that - *too* much.

Maybe your husband isn't selfish, OP. Maybe he's just tired of you always humping his leg.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

The best approach would be an honest, open and blunt conversation outlining your needs. 

If you've already done that, marriage counseling would be a good option.

If you've already done that, you must decide if maintaining the marriage is worth the sacrifice of this need. We all have some needs that our partner can/will not ever meet consistently. What is a deal breaker and what is not is for you to figure out.


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## 343663 (Apr 22, 2020)

@Angel82 
Maybe your H just isn't loquacious. Doesn't know how to ****-tate his desires besides using senseless emojis that any ape can put together.

Ive tried being flirty and dirty with my wife in the past, telling her how much i want her and want to do to her. Sent erotic vids/gifs but i get nothing back but kissy face emoticons. Boring! 

Where's desire? Where's the passion to tell one's lover how they feel in return. Sex isn't a one way street and neither should be flirting. 

If you have high drive you should share those thoughts, id not with him, then on a piece of paper or on an anonymous board. Its what i started doing at first, until i realised i needed feedback. I needed someone to play off of. You shouldnt feel alone in your luat for life. Share it qith someone, even if they're thousands of miles away. At least it'll be appreciated and reciprocated. 

Just saying that everyone needs an outlet. Writing just might be what you need.


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