# What's the point in getting a job right now?



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

ATM I am unemployed...have been for about 2 years now. My wife works full time managing a Family Dollar store (do they have those everywhere? I dunno) and I take care of the kids. 

Obviously I realize this isn't entirely fair...this job sucks up most of her time. She works her butt off and I'm home all day with the kids. I tend to suck at the housework, not that the house is a pigsty but it's cluttered and whatnot. But I consider my "job" at the moment to mostly being physically HERE with the kids, whether I'm playing Candyland, reading on TAM, or doing dishes. 

We've tried it other ways. We both worked for a while, but daycare got so expensive it was costing me money just to go to work, and she was making more so I did daddy-day-care for a while. I worked full time for a while and she stayed home, but that sucked too. 

The fact is, she's better at working and dealing with people. I'm better at taking care of her. My people skills are almost nonexistant, and she really sucked at taking care of me when I got home from work. 

I realize she doesn't really like working 65 hours a week, it sucks. I also know she gets depressed as all hell when she's home alone with the kids all day. 

Now it's not that I can't find a job, but what's the point right now? Oh I might find some job I make 300 bucks a week at, and by the time I get done paying for child care and gas/vehicle maintenance I'm dipping into her earnings. What's the point? I suppose she could quit her job and I could work full time, but again, she makes about double what I could right now. 

I realize I probably sound like a major deadbeat...maybe I am to some extant, but **** I'm not a junkie abusive husband who lets the kids play with the toaster in the bathtub. I'm just kinda stuck right now. My main goal is wait until BOTH kids are in school which would open up some more free time. This will happen in September, but I'm not sure my wife is too keen on waiting that long.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Welcome to a dilemma that many mothers face. I would suggest that you remind yourself your situation isn't permanent. Kids get older, start school, and ultimately they can stay home alone. You can go back to work then.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I think you need to go back to work now.

You have a dozen-or-so threads indicating to me that your marriage is in real trouble and your position is untenable. Your wife has apparently cheated, apparently has little or no respect for you, and you live in a house owned by her mother.

Time to turn it around, for you. Screw child care expenses and get a job. It may not win back your wife's respect, but it would go a long ways towards you establishing respect for yourself. And keeping you from being beached at low tide if things keep going like they are.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I think you need to go back to work now.
> 
> You have a dozen-or-so threads indicating to me that your marriage is in real trouble and your position is untenable. Your wife has apparently cheated, apparently has little or no respect for you, and you live in a house owned by her mother.
> 
> Time to turn it around, for you. Screw child care expenses and get a job. It may not win back your wife's respect, but it would go a long ways towards you establishing respect for yourself. And keeping you from being beached at low tide if things keep going like they are.


Well this changes my answer. 

With this yes get a job. Stat!!!!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you want to stay married to your wife (even though she cheated on you) then you need to ensure you are being the best 'stay at home dad' you can be. Make sure meals are ready, laundry is done, groceries are bought, house isn't cluttered and the kids are looked after.

No sense in getting a job if the best you can do won't cover your expenses.

If you want to get away from your cheating wife, then you need to get a job, so that you can look after yourself when you leave.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I hate to be "that guy" who finds himself disagreeing with all the other posters, but I strongly doubt being the Perfect Homemaker is going to help the OP with his issues.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

You need to get a job! Surely you can make more than $300 a week. If not, you.need to get some certification or education to improve your earning power.

Most women don't respect SAHDs..sorry, just a fact of life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you can only earn $300 a week you need to get some job skills man.

How about signing up for an education, either academic or a trade. See if you can get a federal work study job as well. 

Don't know how much your wife mades and if you can qualify for financial aid, but you can get loans.

If the two of you break up then you can qualify for federal and even state (depending on your state) financial aid. 

Get something under your belt so you can support yourself and your kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tennisstar said:


> You need to get a job! Surely you can make more than $300 a week. If not, you.need to get some certification or education to improve your earning power.
> 
> Most women don't respect SAHDs..sorry, just a fact of life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not just that he's a SAHD, but he does not seem to do all that good a job of it. Playing electronic games and being on the computer while he keeps an eye on the kids is not what SAH parenting it about. IT's about taking your children to do things that teach them, expand their minds and have fun. It's about running a house hold.

I know some women whose husbands have been SAHD's for a while. When they do what should be done there is no respect lost. 

Teh respect is lost when they do a half a$$'d job of it.


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## BarelyThere (Dec 31, 2012)

We recently got over trying to have hubby be the SAHD. I worked in the home but in a separate office. It sucked. For everyone. It really drained the life out of my husband. He wasn't overly confident to begin with, but by the end of a year, he was in terrible shape - no self esteem, no self respect, etc. It was awful watching him dwindle away.

I kind of get from your post that you might be feeling the same way he did. If so, you need to get a job. I'm currently the SAHM and I get how unfulfilling sitting at home with the kids can be. Our current society emphasizes work results more than child rearing and it's so hard to feel as if you're accomplishing something by staying at home.

You might look into work from home jobs. If your'e at all search engine savvy, look up Google rating. If you can write, PM me and I'll tell you how you can make a decent income writing articles and blog posts. If you're graphically talented, I know a Kindle book designer on Fiverr who is constantly swamped with orders. 

Finding a job outside the home might not be an option, but finding something to make you feel like you're being productive is critical and there are many in-home choices. It will help you feel independent if the time comes that you need to split, too.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> It's not just that he's a SAHD, but he does not seem to do all that good a job of it. Playing electronic games and being on the computer while he keeps an eye on the kids is not what SAH parenting it about. IT's about taking your children to do things that teach them, expand their minds and have fun. It's about running a house hold.
> 
> I know some women whose husbands have been SAHD's for a while. When they do what should be done there is no respect lost.
> 
> Teh respect is lost when they do a half a$$'d job of it.



Good points Elegirl.

OP, you remind me of my ex husband. He tried this with me, and I divorced him. I felt sorry for his next wife. She worked 14-16 a day trying to provide for him and their 4 kids. He was a SAHD but did very little other than watch the kids. She eventually got tired of it, and she started cheating. She divorced him and remarried. Took his kids to another state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I hate to be "that guy" who finds himself disagreeing with all the other posters, but I strongly doubt being the Perfect Homemaker is going to help the OP with his issues.


:iagree: 
Not working, not keeping the house clean, not understanding the value and pride in supporting one's self, being cheated on, not being respected, not providing and living in in-laws house. Jeez there's not way to paint this up to look respectable at all.

All argument doesn't make sense either. How does someone working at the dollar tree (or which ever one) make twice what you can make? Unless I'm confusing dollar tree and stores like that with something else, it seems just a step above minimum wage. Being able to provide generally is looked for in men and not providing is not respected. We see that's probably the case here.

Even if working starts out just breaking even, eventually the kids go to school and by that time a good employee will be more stable and making more money in what ever job you have. Anyway, I think the recipe you've participated in leads to the bed you currently are lying in. It also leads to being pushed on out of the door very soon.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I know some women whose husbands have been SAHD's for a while. When they do what should be done there is no respect lost.
> 
> Teh respect is lost when they do a half a$$'d job of it.


Maybe. I think many times SAHD scenarios work against our human nature and creates unconscious feelings that have to be overcome with intellect. And sometimes they aren't. I guess it works on occasion too.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

BarelyThere said:


> We recently got over trying to have hubby be the SAHD. I worked in the home but in a separate office. It sucked. For everyone. It really drained the life out of my husband. He wasn't overly confident to begin with, but by the end of a year, he was in terrible shape - *no self esteem, no self respect, etc. It was awful watching him dwindle away.*
> 
> I kind of get from your post that you might be feeling the same way he did. If so, you need to get a job. I'm currently the SAHM and I get how unfulfilling sitting at home with the kids can be. Our current society emphasizes work results more than child rearing and it's so hard to feel as if you're accomplishing something by staying at home.
> 
> ...


Thank you BT. You pointed out one of the big pitfalls. It's the confidence and security of the SAHD sometimes that starts the snowball rolling.


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