# Question for the ladies about the big O



## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

First off, I apologize if this question is asking for way too much personal info...but for those of you gals that don't mind sharing:

How often, if ever, you orgasm during PIV sex? If/when you do, is there one certain position or technique that does the trick for you? Can you get there without having to provide extra stimulation (hands, vibrator)? 

I'm asking because I have an extremely dull and unfulfilling sex life for many reasons. If you've read many of my other threads, you'll see the common theme. So in 19 years of marriage I've never had an orgasm during sex. Never. Not even close. Yes I am capable of having them...just ask my PA partner Mr. Vibrator. (Tongue in cheek guys) I've even tried using the vibe during sex but it just doesn't happen. I suspect it's due to the lack of emotional connection with H. Sex is mechanical and devoid of passion. It's always been that way. As with everything else in my marriage, I've always kept hoping things would get better over time. And as with everything else problematic in my marriage, it hasn't. 

But I digress...any tips, tricks, ideas from you lucky ladies that have the big O during sex?


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Check out "Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm" by Nicole Daedone. I had gotten mechanical and devoid of passion and it really helped me, I needed to pay more attention and slow down. NOT expecting we would both O was a big change in my thinking. 

BTW she wouldn't read it.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

No - I have never ever orgasmed during PIV sex. I've been with my husband for 30 years. Not even close. There's no curve of a heightened. It feels good, just like massaging my shoulders feels good, but it goes nowhere. But I don't despair, because I think it's unusual to have an orgasm from PIV sex. I DO orgasm from oral sex, so I'm happy with that. I bought a g-spot vibrator to try to have an orgasm, but nothing.


----------



## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Never say never until you have tried it on the bungee sex swing. My wife is about 5% of the time. The first time we used the swing she came about 4 times in 5 minutes and then made me stop. We have since learned to slow it down and move to the couch when it gets to intense. She says it is something about the weightless, bouncing motion that sends her over the edge.


----------



## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

in 19 years of marriage i have had an orgasm from piv about 3 times and i was highly aroused and it was really frm my clitoris rubbing on his pelvis. two word...unrealistic expectation...for most women to cum from piv alone


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I had 3 last year, that's a lot for me. I think in my 20's I didn't more than one every few years. I mean from piv not oral. I'm in my mid 30's and I find it hard to catch that O. 

I'm always chasing it lol. I just chalked it up to everyone is build differently. I used to have anal orgasms, but a few weeks ago, nothing. Damnit. 

It's never been easy, but now it's harder. Thinking about getting that ky jelly for couples. Sometimes I just think self why are you doing this, you love sex....wtf

The answer is a mystery to me too.


----------



## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Just introduce Mr. Vibrator to H and you 3 can have a great time. To answer your Q's..
I must have a vibe (bullet) and I "get mine" 98 times out of 100: 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smethjoso (Jan 6, 2013)

have had an orgasm from piv about 3 times and i was highly aroused and it was really frm my clitoris rubbing on his pelvis.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I can do it with a pretty high success rate. It was higher when I was younger but still I can do it the majority of the time.

The one thing I have that you don't is sexual chemistry. My husband turns me on just by looking at me. Without that I don't think I could do it.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Guy here, so sorry for the intrusion, but...

My wife has never had an orgasm in our marriage that wasn't from PIV, and she's nearly 100% orgasmic, sometimes multiples. It took us most of the first year of our marriage to figure it out so that I didn't need to assist with a hand, but from then on, it's been nothing but. 

Success for us meant learning how to get all of our naughty bits to bump and rub in the right way. Simple thrusting isn't enough. 

Take a look into the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) and see if you can't conjure up some way to improve your stimulation during intercourse.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I can do it with a pretty high success rate. It was higher when I was younger but still I can do it the majority of the time.


Just courious, is it that takes longer or that sometimes it just ain't happening? Mrs P had no trouble when younger but says she is no longer physically up for the length of time it now takes. No worries, we just take care of her first in other ways.


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Another guys view: my wife has an orgasm from PIV just about every time. The trick is simple. I pleasure her orally until she's at the point where she can barely stand it. Then I move up, slide in, and BAM! Fireworks.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most women cannot orgasm from PIV sex. 

The only times I have is when I also self stimulate at the same time.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Just courious, is it that takes longer or that sometimes it just ain't happening?


It just ain't happening.


----------



## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

with STBXH : yes.but that only happened if i took the WOT position.
the BSTBXH era was much better.


----------



## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

Zanne said:


> Sorry, but I'm probably in the minority here.
> 
> *I've always been able to orgasm from PIV sex with my husband.*
> 
> ...


this is how i am... it took me about 2 or 3 years to figure it out, just tring lots of positions, but i can have cl O and V , O sometimes also with female ejac also.... apparently only 10 % of woman can have this so dont beat yourself up


----------



## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Statistics show that 70% of women don't O from PiV. 


I am one of the 30%, however, it didn't start that way. I have been married for 18 years and it is better now than before. We work on improving all the time thru exploration.

CAT the coital alignment technique is a good one. 

Emotional connection is really a big part of intimacy. Taking time to explore each other like you just met and find all the undiscovered erogenous places can help to increase this bond. Sensual massage is another good one.

Do you have your eyes closed during s*x? If so, try opening them, gaze into your partners eyes. 

What are you doing with your hands? Sometimes focusing on your partners chest, stroking it, think about how sexy he is, how powerful..... Being in the moment and really focusing on a feature that you really like can increase the arousal.

I also use this toy Harmony Slim G Vibrator 7-inch - White - DJ0915-04 - A Place For Passion sometimes. It is slim and smooth so it is easy to slip between us. The angle is good for stimulating the areas that I enjoy most.


----------



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

janesmith said:


> in 19 years of marriage i have had an orgasm from piv about 3 times and i was highly aroused and it was really frm my clitoris rubbing on his pelvis. two word...unrealistic expectation...for most women to cum from piv alone


Agree...sometimes unrealistic expectations. Also laughing because guessing Jane smith is a pseudonym but we actually met a Jane smith at a conference (she's nice for what its worth)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm totally going to get that swing! I have only once. TMI warning..I was on the table on my back and he was standing. That said, I've gotten close on top and with him on his knees and me on my back in front of him. Hope this helps. It's totally emotional for me. If things aren't good relationship wise I can't get there by any method


----------



## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

The comment that stands out to me in your post is that 'you use a vibe'.
I own one tho rarely use it, I believe they spoil or desensitise you for having orgasms during sex.
The orgasms I usually have and the ones I want most  are during piv.
Being really horny beforehand or getting that way during is essential. Two positions do it for me.
Me on top where my clit is rubbing against him and his penis is deep inside hitting against something good in me. That combo gives the most intense mind blowing orgasms for me.
Or missionary where again clit is being rubbed by the combined movement of our bodies and he is inside me. 
Orgasms with piv are imo the most intense. A combination of some clit stimulation, the pressure of him being in me and particularly when I'm on top, giving a very intense feeling in my V.
And yes feeling relaxed and having that emotional connection is so important..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I just realized how fortunate I am. Our frequency has fallen off greatly in the past two years but my wife can O from PIV, Oral, Anal stimulation, spanking, breast play and sometimes just from performing oral on me or giving me a HJ while making out.

I have mentioned to her that if every woman was built like her there would be world peace.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Most women cannot orgasm from PIV sex.
> 
> The only times I have is when I also self stimulate at the same time.


My W said that's how she was before we met. When "it" happened (PIV orgasm or multiples) she thought it a fluke or just that she got really lucky that time.

She was married to her ex for 20 years. Lost all attraction for him, so that certainly didn't help. Before she was married, she was young, so at that young age and with young, inexperienced lovers, I can also see how it may not have happened.

I'm not sure why she's so different now. Orgasms from PIV every single time (she used to have to manually get herself off during PIV, and now we don't need to go anywhere near her clit for her to have amazing orgasms), and multiples every time. I think it has much to do with age, comfort with her body, sex, and herself, comfort with her mate (me), and maybe a hysterectomy thrown in has something to do with it (she had brutal periods before she said). Whatever it is, she enjoys a sex life now she believed was impossible before. She was one of the women who "called b.s." on women who claimed to be able to do these things. But no longer.

She thinks it's because I'm "the best lover of her life". I'm gonna "own" that  and not tell her I think there may be more to it, but while I think I do damn good in bed, there has got to be more to it. I think it starts with our outstanding relationship, but that can't be all of it.


----------



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Seems like a pretty wide range of answers. I was comparing notes with a friend who's wife graded their sex based on whether they came together or not. He seemed pretty proud of that, but I noted that they barely have sex once a month. So a better question for the original question is if you are having enough sex and if so is it a requirement to O every time. I think she answered her own question anyways.....I'd focus on the relationship issues first....the sex can follow but is always harder if the love isn't there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Every woman is different. I O from PIV 99.9% of the time with my h, usually multiple times and I squirt. Which I know to some people sounds amazing but I do miss the days when it was a long slow build up. It just feels different now. I am intensely attracted to him so that is part if it. I usually am rubbing his body with my hands and if he kisses me the right way it sets me off.
I would suggest lots of G spot stimulation with hand or vibe before PIV. Also a vibrating **** ring. They are amazing. 
They also make hands free vibes that attach to the woman with straps that stimulate the clitoris during PIV.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

Thunder7 said:


> Another guys view: my wife has an orgasm from PIV just about every time. The trick is simple. I pleasure her orally until she's at the point where she can barely stand it. Then I move up, slide in, and BAM! Fireworks.


This is exactly what we do. She will use her hand for a more powerful orgasm, but she can go either way as long as she is fired up first.


----------



## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your comments! I know that most of my issues stem from a lack of emotional connection and my lack of sexual attraction to my husband due to his excessive weight gain and his constant complaining about aches, pains...it's like being married to an 80 year old sometimes. He has chronic joint pain, partially due to bad joints he inherited from his mom, but probably worsened majorly by his weight. It's not that he's sick all the time, but every day I have to hear about something: how his foot hurts from standing on a ladder, his arm hurts from an IV he had 7 months ago (yes, 7 months ago), he has a headache, he's SO tired, his back hurts, his stomach is upset, he "can't poop", his ankle needs to pop but he can't pop it, his 2nd toe on his right foot has a little bump on it...I could go on and on. Even though these things aren't related to sex, they are still a general turn-off. 

I finally got him to agree (reluctantly) to let me schedule a MC appt for us. We have a very long, long road ahead of us in order to address our issues. First we have to deal with our communication problems along with his bipolar/psych issues from childhood. Then we'll have to address the weight and his general health and how much I'm NOT attracted to him. I can't tell him this yet...it will devastate him and absolutely destroy any chance of him working on getting better mentally. So...unfortunately, even if everything goes perfectly and he starts losing weight and working to increase his attractiveness to me, it's going to be probably at least a couple of years before I can see us being able to work on our sexual issues. That makes me feel very antsy...I know it sounds selfish, but I feel like I've already gone so many years being sexually unsatisfied, I'm afraid if I wait another 2 years and what if he doesn't follow through? I know, there's no crystal ball...this is something I'll have to figure out with my husband and our MC.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

I rub my wife's clitoris while inside of her. That seems to help both of us. She would never have an O from PIV alone.


----------



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

U know, a lot depends on how much value u put on sex. A long time ago a friend who beat me to the marriage thing suggested 10%. I think it varies based on the person....I think your MC will bring out the hard truth. Everything that turns you off is fixable. The for better or worse part is what brings us to this forum?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

