# Taking our own advice



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

How many times have we dished out advice to others and yet we've failed to take it ourselves when it comes to our own situation?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

YEP! ALL THE TIME! :lol: Although I am learning to do this...


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I am trying!


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

lol hmmm...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I am trying!


me 2


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I honestly try to refrain from giving actual advice. I tend to try and stick to words of encouragement. If there is a thread that deals with something that I feel I actually can help with, then I will post. (usually where I read that someone's SO sounds a lot like I was/am) re my BPD.

There is a poster on here that she and I have eerily similar stories and we just BBM each other. Another poster sent her my way I assume in the hopes of me being able to help her. She and I vent to one another which is why I rarely even post on here.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Not possible.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Not me. This is her last chance and she knows it. I don't care, I WILL pull the trigger on D. I've been divorced before so I know I will survive. Financial devastation will result, so what. And she knows I'm dead serious. It's only money. I check the keyloggers every once in a while, so with the VARs. This is my second go around and *I will not be played EVER again*. I pick up her phone whenever I want to, she's an open book. Been waiting for her to screw up R, but so far she hasn't. Got give her credit for going all out in her effort. Because even now, I don't feel the same spark for her, maybe one day. If I had to, I will kick her to the curb today if I find anything out, and it wont matter how remorseful she is. Just faking it til I make it.

Now halftime is over and gotta get back to the game, we're at Michigan today!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

brokendown said:


> You should get divorced. Monday morning.


Troll
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> Troll
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: It's just funny to me.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It's easier said than done.  I know what advice I'd give myself if I weren't me, the objectivity is there, but my emotions rule me, unfortunately. I'm either really optimistic or in denial about my situation. Can't we all just get along? lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I actually think that I am pretty good with giving advice and doing what I would advise.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I spent yet another long, honest post to try to help Brokendown - spent 15 minutes typing only for her to pull the thread a second time so my message was for nothing.

Sorry - that was your last shot at meaningful, productive advice from me. You are now toxic to TAM. Just leave. You don't want to hear anything from any of us anyway, and now you're just attacking people.

LordMayhem is a legendary voice on this forum - so your comments sound that much more ridiculous directed at him. He has helped dozens of posters with incredible, thoughtful advice, myself included.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I give advice based on my own mistakes and things that I did that worked, what else can I do but share my experience?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

But I think you caused it to end by threadjacking.

.....anyway, I do think that people sometimes forget their own advice. I know I have for sure. Then again, every single situation has nuances that make it unique, even if most of the advice seemingly applies.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I try to follow advice. I got some wrong. 
The advice I give is really just an amalgam of the obvious things everyone has told me!

All this advice is so hard won by others and following it has enabled me to see a new life ahead. Its only 8 months since Dday and if it hadn't been for TAM i think I would be shuffling around a "studio apartment" [bedsit] in my pajamas watching the OM visit my kids, in my house.
Advice here should come with a disclaimer though,

Will not cure broken heart. 

Nothing will do that.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Threadjacking means you hijack the thread, and instead of addressing the OP's concerns and questions, you make it about yourself.

And I will respectfully decline your offer. 

I actually tried to help you. You need to find your help elsewhere for awhile, and when you are more emotionally healthy, come on back and try again. We'll start fresh.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I know for a fact that if I am emotionally involved with the woman I love, that it would be very difficult for me to follow my own advice. Yet nevertheless, I did divorce the woman I loved beyond measure and would be the one I would end my days with.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I give advice on if I have personal experience with it. I will advise on what worked for me. But following my own advice is often easier said than done. I'm way more critical of myself. I can see something working out for the best for other people but have troubles seeing that for myself.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I only wish I had gone to infidelity support sites like this on my DDay. I wish I had someone to give me advice and a verbal 2x4 to knock some damn sense into me. Instead, I had a well meaning, but clueless friend who had no experience in dealing with infidelity. I was a mess, and was in a very bad place after DDay. I did ALL the wrong things.

I cried like a baby.
I begged and I pleaded.
I followed her around the house like a lost puppy.
I wanted desperately to save my marriage.

To make matters worse, MIL was staying with us for the summer when DDay occurred. All I got from MIL was "He's just an old friend", "My daughter would never do something like that", etc. And I got all the BS from friends like "She's not the type", "He's just a friend", "You're just being jealous", etc, etc. I got the denials and TT because I confronted too early on the advice of my well-meaning but clueless friend, instead of gathering all my evidence. I was not very alpha, and had become beta after being married too many years and feeling secure and always wanting to make her happy.

And when she left for a while taking our youngest son, I was in a very dark place. Actually had thoughts of ending it all. I thought I couldn't bear to go through this sh!t a second time. It was so bad, that although the local cops weren't called, another friend came over and took my weapon from me. I kind of laughed when he left, because although he took Mr Glock from me, I still had Mr Springfield and Mr Ruger. 

I prayed to God to give me strength. I don't know when it happened, because that time was just a blur, I had my epiphany. I got angry. I decided I wasn't going to let OM win. I wanted to see my younger son grow up and protect him. And I had my brothers and sister give me some verbal 2x4s over the phone. 

As for my clueless friend? He found out she's been cheating on him since 2002 and is going through his divorce. I've been giving him moral support and advice when he wants it.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

lordmayhem said:


> I only wish I had gone to infidelity support sites like this on my DDay. I wish I had someone to give me advice and a verbal 2x4 to knock some damn sense into me. Instead, I had a well meaning, but clueless friend who had no experience in dealing with infidelity. I was a mess, and was in a very bad place after DDay. I did ALL the wrong things.
> 
> I cried like a baby.
> I begged and I pleaded.
> ...


Amen Lord, 

I feel the same way. My wife did the EA thing and I soo wish I had had this place when I discovered her. I did so many things wrong and there are still things that were never implemented that would have been, had I had it to do over again.

So in my case, I too am providing my view point based the myriad of mistakes I made in my situation. we are 3 years out now and still doing ok but it would have been different if I had had this forum to go by and implement the advice given here. Could be for the better or divorced but it would have been different....


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If I listened and actually TOOK and FOLLOWED the advice i would have been given. Can't say that I would not have been just as in denial, bull headed, stubborn and close minded as many of the noobs are now.

Q~


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