# online dating sights been major issue for years



## xsgandyx (Apr 6, 2015)

my H has been caught out joining online dating sights ..
He doesnt think its the same as cheating
He says he is just looking
He says its the chase that excites him.. and that he has never actually gone through with meeting anyone from these sights,
but he has had there phone numbers and was texting them..

we are trying to reconcile, and so far so good..i just feel very hurt because our sex life has always been fantastic, im more than willing and probably have a higher labido than him..

he has promised to never join them again and we are trying a few more kinky things ..my hope is that this will be sufficient for him to stop looking..


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

When was the last time you caught him in dating sites? 

Looking at pictures is one thing. Texting women is another. Frankly if it was just looking at pictures, why not just look at porn? Much more convenient, higher quality pics, videos, well, everything.

He's on dating sites to date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

If its the chase that excites him then he shouldn't have gotten married. I wouldn't reconcile or have sex with him until he has stopped and check to make sure he has stopped, don't just take him at his word. Check his phone too. He is probably meeting someone or will in the future. I don't believe he is just looking.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Perhaps try being less accommodating. With some individuals, if something is too easy to obtain, they soon become bored obtaining it and it loses it's appeal. If your H is compelled by the chase, force him to chase you. If you are harder to "conquer" his thrill of chasing may be experienced without outside involvement.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

xsgandyx said:


> my H has been caught out joining online dating sights ..
> He doesnt think its the same as cheating
> He says he is just looking
> He says its the chase that excites him.. and *that he has never actually gone through with meeting anyone from these sights,*
> but he has had there phone numbers and was texting them..


Sure. They all say that. They being the people who join dating sites while married/partnered. 

It is cheating. And he's actively contacting women via text/calls = cheating - does this all while knowing that you aren't into it, which means he doesn't respect you or the fact that you hurt.



xsgandyx said:


> he has promised to never join them again and we are trying a few more kinky things ..my hope is that this will be sufficient for him to stop looking..


Time is the only way to tell if he will do it again or not. Seems he has a pattern of this. I woulodn't be surprised if he does do it again though based on his past history and the fact he so blatantly lied to you about it not being inappropriate. Seems he wants different things than you do (i.e. a monogamous relationship). 

If you guys work it out and he doesn't go back on, great. If he does repeat this, what are you going to do?

Get tested for STDs. 

And know that, you can have the highest libido in the world, and give him as many BJs as most men would love/enjoy, but if he's going to stray, none of that matters. That decision is about HIM, not you.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I agree with the other posts, presume he's going all the way with these women and protect yourself accordingly. One of my wife's friends is openly HD, kinky drop dead beautiful... and a betrayed wife. 

Some men are scum. They'll cheat even though they have what most other men deeply envy. Your husband is demonstrating clues that he may be one.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Wake up! Your husband is looking for an affair. He is actively seeking a new partner. He does not respect you. Time to see a divorce attorney. In the meantime, see a psychologist to get your head straight. You need to build your self-esteem. Your husband is using you as a doormat and expects you to accept his excuses.

You deserve a better husband than what you have. Live a peaceful life.


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## xsgandyx (Apr 6, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Perhaps try being less accommodating. With some individuals, if something is too easy to obtain, they soon become bored obtaining it and it loses it's appeal. If your H is compelled by the chase, force him to chase you. If you are harder to "conquer" his thrill of chasing may be experienced without outside involvement.


i think your right. only in my head im fearfull that he will look elsewhere if i knock him back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

xsgandyx said:


> i think your right. only in my head im fearfull that he will look elsewhere if i knock him back.


He does not deserve a decent, beautiful and gracious woman like you on his life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

xsgandyx said:


> i think your right. only in my head im fearfull that he will look elsewhere if i knock him back.


So?

Let him look. In fact, cut him loose. Why are you fearful of losing someone that treats you so disrespectfully?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xsgandyx (Apr 6, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> So?
> 
> Let him look. In fact, cut him loose. Why are you fearful of losing someone that treats you so disrespectfully?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


just over a year ago..i tried..but as much as i wanted to hate him..i couldnt...
i love him.. im in lust with him... he is my all..
i know he has lied..i know he has been disrespectful..i know all this..
but i love him... i given him this last chance to prove that it is only me...
i know a lot of you dont agree... but as i said i tried to hate him...i just cant


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

xsgandyx said:


> just over a year ago..i tried..but as much as i wanted to hate him..i couldnt...
> i love him.. im in lust with him... he is my all..
> i know he has lied..i know he has been disrespectful..i know all this..
> but i love him... i given him this last chance to prove that it is only me...
> i know a lot of you dont agree... but as i said i tried to hate him...i just cant


Why would you want to hate someone? That would not be helpful in the least. 
You should love him too. That is good.
You should respect him too, he is a person with flaws as we all are.

Your attitude to that person is one of love and respect and that is wonderful.

You should not be in a relationship with him anymore than I should. That is a matter of self-respect. I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who did not respect me and I hope you have the self-respect not to want that either.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

xsgandyx said:


> just over a year ago..i tried..but as much as i wanted to hate him..i couldnt...
> i love him.. im in lust with him... he is my all..
> i know he has lied..i know he has been disrespectful..i know all this..
> but i love him... i given him this last chance to prove that it is only me...
> i know a lot of you dont agree... but as i said i tried to hate him...i just cant


Why would you stay with someone who disrespects you???

Him disrespecting you means that he does not love you. A person cannot love someone who they disrespect.

So why do you stay with someone who does not love you and does not respect you? What is there to love about a person like that?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> I agree with the other posts, presume he's going all the way with these women and protect yourself accordingly. *One of my wife's friends is openly HD, kinky drop dead beautiful... and a betrayed wife.
> *
> Some men are scum. They'll cheat even though they have what most other men deeply envy. Your husband is demonstrating clues that he may be one.



That makes me curious as to what is the deal with her husband.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

From the other posts you have going, I believe your husband was looking to hook up with men on these dating sites, am I correct?

You have mentioned that you tried swinging and threesomes with another women but he felt left out because he did not get try sex with another man. You mentioned that you repeatedly found him trying to make connections with other men and are trying pegging as a substitute. You also have a thread complaining that you don't feel he lusts for you.

In my opinion you are likely correct about the lust. He is likely lusting for another man.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

xsgandyx said:


> i think your right. only in my head* im fearfull* that he will look elsewhere if i knock him back.


That's exactly what he's counting on.

Two things you should have told him if you want to R:

- I will divorce you if you are not completely transparent going forward.
- I will divorce you if you ever do this again.

Then, you stay true to your word.

To hell with him if that "knocks him back". As long as he knows you fear divorce, the more likely he is to continue what he's been doing.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I agree completely with Badmemory above.

Also, his excuses are complete baloney. If he wanted to just look, he could have looked at porn, and even that is incredibly destructive in a marriage. This would be akin to him hanging out in a brothel, then with the prostitutes in their rooms, coming and going, etc., and then expecting you to believe that he just went to look and chat with them. The bottom line is that it's irrelevant. He shouldn't be looking at other women that way, he certainly shouldn't be talking to other women that way and there is absolutely zero excuse for it.

I agree with a few others that you probably let him off the hook WAY too easy, which I'm afraid will just set you up for a repeat discovery someday in the not too distant future. He got away with it, and I bet he thinks if he is just more careful about it, he can still get away with it.

Did you implement any kind of rules with him after the reconciliation? For starters, I would say he shouldn't have any right to privacy any more, especially with his electronic devices. You should be fully aware of every password and communications account he has. He should have no "lock screen" on his phone, or you should know the code. I would also seriously advise that he install some kind of accountability software on his phone and computers. You should also have the right to know exactly where he is anytime you want to know where he is, without complaint.

What's done is done, you've already taken him back. Just don't let him do this to you again, and if he does, don't let him off the hook next time.


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## xsgandyx (Apr 6, 2015)

cdbaker said:


> Did you implement any kind of rules with him after the reconciliation? For starters, I would say he shouldn't have any right to privacy any more, especially with his electronic devices. You should be fully aware of every password and communications account he has. He should have no "lock screen" on his phone, or you should know the code. I would also seriously advise that he install some kind of accountability software on his phone and computers. You should also have the right to know exactly where he is anytime you want to know where he is, without complaint.
> 
> What's done is done, you've already taken him back. Just don't let him do this to you again, and if he does, don't let him off the hook next time.


for the first time i actually was ready to end things and i did make rules..he is more than happy for me to look at his devices. and i do ring or he rings me often as to his wareabouts.
he knows he needs to be accountable, and reasure me and that i may never trust him


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