# Im thinking about getting a seperation or divorce



## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

Hi I've been with the same woman for 22 years we've been married for 17 of those years but I find my self no liking my wife anymore we don't have sex but maybe 2 or 3 times a year she won't give me oral sex at Christmas I bought her a circut machine it cost 200 bucks but she wasn't happy with that she wanted the 1000 dollar machine then her phone breaks I went n bought her a new phone better than mine she told my thats not what I wanted then I took her to Florida trying to find some sort of romance she complained the whole time by the second day she told me she wanted to go home she complained she had to walk n how far she complains and talks down to me on a daily basis I've given everything to her but no matter what I do for her its not good enough I don't know what to do I love her but I'm no in love with her she has gained alot of weight since we were married and I help around the house I dont have a problem with that but she will will still complain that I didn't put something in it right spot we sit here everyday n don't talk much I don't think she's cheating we've never had that problem she complains if I go out with my one n only friend even though we are never doing anything to validate her being mad at me for just wanting to get away since we got back home from our trip to Florida I've shut down I haven't ate with her or anything else I've been sleeping on the couch I dont know I'm thinking its time to call it quits


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Kinda hard to read this since you don't use any punctuation. A period at the end of a sentence would help.

Sounds like you don't like the person your wife has become. It things are as bad as you say, I guess it's time to pull the plug.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

So you don't have sex and she isn't interested in oral sex. She doesn't have a thankful or appreciative bone in her body. She is a complainer. She ruins vacations. She has gained "a lot" of weight. You can't do anything right. You don't talk much. She never wants to do anything but gets mad when you make plans for yourself. You aren't even eating together and you're sleeping on the couch now. 

Doesn't sound like a very good roommate, let alone a wife. 

You say you love her but you're not in love with her. What exactly do you love about her? How many of your 22 years have been spent like this?


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## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

I've loved her the first moment I saw her we were always that it couple. But to answer your question she can be a caring person she used to be n I love that about her but that has long gone


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Motorcityrookie said:


> I've loved her the first moment I saw her we were always that it couple. But to answer your question she can be a caring person she used to be n I love that about her but that has long gone


There is no such thing as love at first sight. I remember the first time I saw my wife 21 years ago, I remember exactly how I felt, and I still love that memory, but was it love at first sight? No, it couldn't possibly be because I knew literally nothing about her. You can't love someone you don't know. 

There is also no such thing as the perfect couple. Just because a couple looks perfect from the outside doesn't mean things are going great, or even good, behind closed doors. 

So you love that she _used _to be a caring person but that trait is now "long gone". You love who she used to be, not who she is now. No point living in the past. 

If she's not open to the idea of marriage counseling then it's probably time to put the past behind you and move on. I'd suggest finding a lawyer (or two) to talk about your options. Don't keep dragging it out. It's not good for you, or your finances.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Motorcityrookie said:


> I've loved her the first moment I saw her we were always that it couple. But to answer your question she can be a caring person she used to be n I love that about her but that has long gone


Get some good marriage counselling.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Motorcityrookie Has your wife been checked for depression, or thyroid problems?


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## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> @Motorcityrookie Has your wife been checked for depression, or thyroid problems?


Yeah thyroid


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Motorcityrookie said:


> Yeah thyroid


Does she have thyroid problems or was she just checked for it?


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## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

bobert said:


> Does she have thyroid problems or was she just checked for it?


She has thyroid problems she's been diagnosed by a doctor for it


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Motorcityrookie said:


> She has thyroid problems she's been diagnosed by a doctor for it


Is she being treated for it or refusing treatment?


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## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

bobert said:


> Is she being treated for it or refusing treatment?


She hasn't been to the doctor in awhile atleast 2yrs but she's no refusing it i don't think


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

It's like this, sit you W down and inquire to her treating the thyroid issues. Once complete then explain to your W your current issue and state of the marriage. Understand your W will continue to do these things as long as you allow. At this juncture your W agrees to begin to work on the marriage and or call it quits.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You dont seem to have a clue about your wives health. Is she being treated for thyroid problems? Is it over active or under active?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

It sounds to me like you've shut down. Could be you've tuned out your wife. The thing is, nobody is "always" something or "never" something. As in, "She's ALWAYS complaining," or "She NEVER appreciates me." Those are absolutes, and people don't behave constantly one way or the other. But it tends to boil down to that way of thinking when a husband or wife is running out of ways to bolster the marriage.

So do you want to save your marriage? Are you willing to sit down with your wife and bare your soul? Would she be agreeable to marriage counseling? Because from where I'm sitting, it sounds like neither of you have really connected in a long time.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Knock her off the pedestal you have put her on.

If she is unhappy with the gifts you give, then stop giving. Let her buy what she wants with her own money. If she has none tell her to get a job. 

If she is unsatisfied with the life you provide then point to the front door and tell she is welcome to leave whenever she wants. 

Withdraw all emotional support from your wife. Move her into a separate room. 

The problems ends one way or another when you choose to stand up for yourself and what is in your best interest. She will either leave or she will be forced to dance to your tune. If she leaves you can be sure she will return quick enough when she finds even less than she expected outside your marriage.

You should consult with a lawyer to see what a possible divorce would look like for you. Expect and prepare for the worst outcome.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Save yourself all the mental debacles and just get a divorce. Detroit sucks anyways. It’s a good excuse to move out.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Motorcityrookie said:


> Hi I've been with the same woman for 22 years we've been married for 17 of those years but I find my self no liking my wife anymore we don't have sex but maybe 2 or 3 times a year she won't give me oral sex at Christmas I bought her a circut machine it cost 200 bucks but she wasn't happy with that she wanted the 1000 dollar machine then her phone breaks I went n bought her a new phone better than mine she told my thats not what I wanted then I took her to Florida trying to find some sort of romance she complained the whole time by the second day she told me she wanted to go home she complained she had to walk n how far she complains and talks down to me on a daily basis I've given everything to her but no matter what I do for her its not good enough I don't know what to do I love her but I'm no in love with her she has gained alot of weight since we were married and I help around the house I dont have a problem with that but she will will still complain that I didn't put something in it right spot we sit here everyday n don't talk much I don't think she's cheating we've never had that problem she complains if I go out with my one n only friend even though we are never doing anything to validate her being mad at me for just wanting to get away since we got back home from our trip to Florida I've shut down I haven't ate with her or anything else I've been sleeping on the couch I dont know I'm thinking its time to call it quits


Have you told her any of this or did you just buy her stuff and take her on vacations and hope that was enough for her to get you are so unhappy you don't want to be in the marriage anymore?


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## boatguy101 (Jan 29, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Have you told her any of this or did you just buy her stuff and take her on vacations and hope that was enough for her to get you are so unhappy you don't want to be in the marriage anymore?


No ove told her everything accept that I'm thinking about leaving but everytime I do we just start arguing n she tells me im not listening to her I do everything for her I even went out n bought her new clothes for her part time job when this is her first job in over 6 years she wanted to go to online college i supported her through all of that bought her anything she wanted or needed for that


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Motorcityrookie said:


> No ove told her everything accept that I'm thinking about leaving but everytime I do we just start arguing n she tells me im not listening to her I do everything for her I even went out n bought her new clothes for her part time job when this is her first job in over 6 years she wanted to go to online college i supported her through all of that bought her anything she wanted or needed for that


She says you are not listening to her, what does she say? Sounds like you have reason to complain and if you want to divorce so be it, however you have at least tried these seemingly last ditch efforts to save the marriage. Since you seem to want to save it, I will give advice for that premise -

You say she says you are not listening to her and you respond I do everything for her. Do you see the disconnect there? Doing stuff is not "listening". From your post your logic seems to be if you DO enough stuff she will reward your efforts with sex and intimacy. But most people don't work that way. Particularly women want emotional closeness, that is needed in a long term relationship to cause them to desire intimacy. Sex, or just to want to be hot for their husbands. You have got to be emotionally close first for most of them as far as I can tell. Maybe not for short term fun but in a long term relationship, it's a must. 

She seems to be saying your communication is lacking because you are not listening. I suggest you give it one last shot and say - OK you say I am not listening tell me what you want to say. Then sit down and listen, really listen. Even if it annoys you or you feels like her perspective is off. Then sit with what she said for a day or two an see if you can see her point. Enough to find some common ground. Start from there, talk about that. Come back here if you need to works stuff out. 

I say you start with that. If that seems just too hard then I suggest you divorce.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

These threads come up all the time. It’s not gender specific.

You can read books, go to counseling, buy flowers and cards, do all the housework and NOTHING will change.

You have two options:
take it
or leave it


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Well his list is a nice long one . I think we can all agree she sounds terrible. Of course since he’s getting ready to cheat it could also be the rewriting history so he doesn’t feel bad about it.

thread in general about his thinking about cheating.

divorce then date. Otherwise you arejust a piece of crap cheater not matter what you say about your wife.

if you decide to stay try listening, connecting and counseling.


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