# Is sarcasm an awful "parenting" tool?



## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Hi again folks,

Is the use of sarcasm destructive? Somewhat related to my other post, I tend to use sarcasm alot on my soon to be 13 year old. She has always been astute with it and is actually pretty good at it herself sometimes.

But let me give you an example. Lately she keeps saying she is fat. (I know typical female stuff). She is far from it, as I mentioned she is a competitive gymnast. So after trying the usual "you aren't fat" blah blah blah, I sometimes turn to sarcasm. As in "oh yeah, you are a cow" or "come on let's roll you to practice" kind of stuff.

How do you nip this body image stuff in the bud???


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I think it really depends on the kid. I'm a very sarcastic person by nature. Our oldest (now 28) used to get a bit upset by it, but now I hear her using the same patterns with her kids.

Our middle is 16, and gets really, really upset by sarcasm. It has caused quite a rift between us at times.

Our youngest is 14, and she dishes it right back. She seems to really relish the banter.

So, I've been working to be more aware of when I'm using it, and whether or not it's appropriate to the situation.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I hope sarcasm isn't a bad parenting tool or my kids are ruined.
The body image thing is really tough especially with a girl.

I'd just keep supporting her the way she is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My kids do not understand my dark murderously cynical sense of humor. At their core they're sunnier personalities than I am and so it bounces off them and they interpret it as complaining. So no, I don't suppose it's a productive way to approach them.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

papa5280 said:


> I think it really depends on the kid. I'm a very sarcastic person by nature. Our oldest (now 28) used to get a bit upset by it, but now I hear her using the same patterns with her kids.
> 
> Our middle is 16, and gets really, really upset by sarcasm. It has caused quite a rift between us at times.
> 
> ...


I hear ya. My soon to be 13 year old is a master at it and seems to enjoy the banter as well. My middle and younger ones are far too sensitive so I rarely use it with them unless I go really over the top to make sure they know that I am not being serious...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't know what to do about the body image issue our daughters have grown up with. My daughter is bulimic, started when she was 15. As far as I know she's not purging any more, but since she doesn't live at home I am not sure. Even when she did live at home she hid it for a year before I found out.  My only advice is to boost her self esteem at every opportunity, be vigilant for any signs, and love her unconditionally.

Anyway, sarcasm is good as long as it doesn't cross the line. And the line may be different for them than for you, so make sure to keep that in mind.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> I don't know what to do about the body image issue our daughters have grown up with. My daughter is bulimic, started when she was 15. As far as I know she's not purging any more, but since she doesn't live at home I am not sure. Even when she did live at home she hid it for a year before I found out.  My only advice is to boost her self esteem at every opportunity, be vigilant for any signs, and love her unconditionally.
> 
> Anyway, sarcasm is good as long as it doesn't cross the line. And the line may be different for them than for you, so make sure to keep that in mind.


Wow, sorry to hear that. I am really hoping we can avoid those types of issues...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am a sarcastic person. Err, I WAS a sarcastic person. My sarcasm was ruining my marriage and my family.

My older daughter doesn't do well with it and my husband cowers at it. I wasn't doing it to be mean...it's just how things were in my family growin up. I guess we had thicker skins.

So i turned off the sarcasm and my family blossomed.

My daughter (almost 13) thought she was fat too. I told her she wasn't, she didn't believe me, so I took her to her doctor and HE told her (after measuring and weighing her) that she was perfectly proportioned and in the HEALTHY weight category. Then a few months later, her PE teacher weighed and measured them and told her the same thing.

Now she believes when i say she's not fat.

Sometimes she still says she is, and I have her sit with me to talk about what she eats and how active she is. Is it matching up? Is she using what she eats? I try to take the scientific/health route with her and it seems to be working. We talk about calories and what is healthy and options for her snacks (at school) because her friends eat junk and they ARE fat. She is getting a better grip at making good choices away from home and she feels better about herself.

Maybe that would help your child?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sarcasm at its best, or worst. - YouTube


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## specwar (Apr 14, 2011)

I am the most sarcastic person you will ever meet. However when the kids were younger I tempered it because they can not yet read into the sarcasm as intended. It is important to keep the sarcasm to (small doses) in my opinion. As I have gotten older it has helped me and my children (now young adults) interact with me. I also take time to specifically tell them that there are times that we will not agree. And point out to them that there is a very fine line between back talk and sarcasm and remind them when they step over it that you are not their friend you are their parent and respect is an important character trait. Sarcasm is seen by some as bad. It is like anything else it life. It requires balance.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

It depends on the kid. My oldest is funny with dry sense of humor, but sensitive. Her brother can dish it like the best. When she came home for visit after being away from school and heard her brother and I bantering, she looked at us and said, 'I don't get your relationship'. It's all good. Sometimes he goes a little too far but backs up a bit when he needs to. She's 20 and he's 17.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is why I teach upper grades. I would make the little ones cry :lol: But my 5th graders don't get offended (I do tone it down  ) and they can throw a few zingers! It's awesome. We laugh a lot in class.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband don't suger coat anything at our house.... we can be pretty "course" at times...but other times really loving and sappy.... I feel -this makes up for our sarcastic moments. 

Urban Dictionary: sarcasm


We tend to use Humor like this : 










I know my older sons Enjoy it a great deal....they do it right back to me too, cutting on my cooking, or lack there of, or my temper.....they love getting a rise out of me.... We know we are all just joking around ... There is always a fine line of taking it too far, which I have done to the point of irritation with my kids at times... .. but I always make up for it in a light hearted way and I know they don't take these things to heart, they just think... well... Mom is half crazy. 

We don't go around and treat them like "fragile" children who have to be praised all day by any means...but those moments are plentiful also and very heartfelt ....HOW VERY IMPORTANT THIS IS. If your daughter receives THIS Frustr8dhubby...this would be my question. A diet of only sarcasm would cause one to starve emotionally. 

I think it is rather healthy to not shield our kids too much with words, because they are going to face so very much in school anyway. If they walk around "Offended" all the time by every little thing others say, this will hurt them more so. 

It is not so much to make them tough skinned ....but to revel in a "sense of humor". Sarcasm is ....well...one of the most enjoyable types of humor I feel... it is the roots of where we learn to laugh at ourselves...and still... we are OK, accepted. I tend to see it that way anyhow. 

But by no means do we want them to loose thier sensitivity towards others.... We can all posses both in life & relating....and with our kids. I think when we use it, it speaks volumes if the hearer throws some sarcasm back -with a  .... it they don't take the bait...they may not be enjoying it .... we need to read their body language in these things. 

I can tell that my younger kids are not as Open & enjoying of it ....as my teen sons... but they seem to LOVE the crap out of it ...with much :rofl: ....when I use it on one of the siblings ! ... Oh in due time!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sarcasm is one in a basket full of things that can help communicate. If it were the only communication method you used, then yes it would be awful. But it sounds like you mix it up.

The case you gave your daughter is exhibiting a typical female problem that can lead to all kinds of problems. So along with using sarcasm occassionally you can help her set ways of seeing herself that are healthier.

There should be a lot of info online about this since it's such a big proplem with young girls these days.

One thing I can think of is to teach her to judge her appearance by outside measures.... does she fit into a small size clothing? Weight, height ratio. Help teach her to judge based on these and not the mirror completely.. we tend to view ourselves visually as though we have one of those circus distortion mirrors in our heads. So she needs objective measures.


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