# Need a kick in the pants......



## lovemybabies (Oct 4, 2011)

SOme of you may know my story...going on 12 years married (20 years together since I was 15), 2 small children, all marriage sex maybe 4 times a year if that. We had a trial seperation this summer but had to go back to house together because of his shift work in Sept.

We have not talked about it since and have not been intimate or affectionate at all.  There is nothing left. We don't fight ever and just go about the day and the kids like there is nothing wrong. I suffer inside like I have all these years and he will NEVER bring it up. Always me after anxiety attack

I know I don't want this life, I feel so alone.

Here's my problem....how do I bring it up and what do I say? I'm so scared and chicken out...someone set me straight please


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Propose that you both attend marriage counseling to help you two individually and as a couple. Although you two are together with the kids, I doubt that it's setting a good example for them. Maybe I'm wrong.

Not talking is just adding to the problem. When you do finally talk, focus on the relationship only.


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## lovemybabies (Oct 4, 2011)

we did marriage councelling and didn't help. He says I'm the one with the problem.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Ouch! You have the problem? If he's not willing to talk to you about it, get your butt in gear and go get an attorney and serve him with papers. Maybe then he'll realize you are serious!

If you can't do that, find hobbies to fulfill you. I know it's difficult to find 'me' time when you have small children. Tell him you're going out and he needs to watch the kids. Go have some fun 

I'm almost in your position. It's easy to give the advice and much tougher to actually act on it.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I have to agree that you need to file. But you should also seek individual counseling to help yourself, and get some advice on how to help the kids.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If you truly truly are finished with the marriage and want out but are afraid to have that conversation how about writing a letter and asking your husband to read it as you sit there and wait. Be upfront and honest, tell him there are things you need to say but it is just to painful to find the words. At this point IF you are truly ready for divorce there is no sense making the letter an attack on your husband, as in I do this but you NEVER do that. Emphasize in the letter that you are unhappy and realize you both have different views and needs and will never be happy as a couple. 

Since you have children you need to go into damage control now, you will both still be parents and have occasional contact for the rest of your lives and you don't want to to deal with negative drama. Don't let yourself get walked on but don't stir the pot as the separation and divorce progresses. Focus on the future and let the past rest, divorce sucks but being unhappy everyday is much worse. 

Best wishes


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