# Are Older woman/younger man relationships the least accepted type?



## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

I have been thinking a lot about this lately and wanted your thoughts on something.

While I do understand other type of relationships such as homosexual couples get lots of hate, there is also a lot more understanding especially in certain areas. However, from my experience older woman/younger man relationships seem to me to be the most taboo. Older man/younger woman relationships certainly don't get the kind of hate to the extent OW/YM do. 

What I mean by that is how many VERY annoying and even offensive questions I have been asked that get on my nerves. Now I can understand not being very common it's understandable that many would be curious, and honestly if they were nice about it I wouldn't mind answering, but so often when they do ask questions it has a mean or snarky tone behind it.

For example, one question that I have been asked a lot is "What could you possibly have in common?" Which again I wouldn't mind if they were to ask in a nice way and rephrase it more along the lines of "You're married to a younger man? That's interesting, what kinds of things do you have in common?"

But that's usually not how it goes. 

And ironically, most of the ones asking and being rude are other women! 

But we have TONS in common! We both love to hike, camp, play video games (my husband got me addicted to world of warcraft and dance dance revolution lol), we both love just sitting and having lots of mentally stimulating conversations, we also love to go out to concerts, just to name a few. 

But the way people ask you'd think my husband had used a time machine and kidnapped me from 5th century BC! 

True with me being 43 and him being 28 we have differences but instead of letting that be a hindrance we work together and even introduce things to each other that we wouldn't have had otherwise. 

When my same-age ex husband found out about our relationship he kept saying all sorts of mean things like "He's a young guy, he won't stay with an old woman" and "He's just an young immature kid that doesn't know what he's getting into". 

Funny, my husband is a million times more mature and successful than my ex ever was (he would always come up with some new "big idea" but fail at them, such as starting new business'). 

My point is that while, for the most part I think most wouldn't be so openly rude to gay or interracial or even older man/younger woman couples, when it comes to OW/YM couples it's still largely seen as okay to openly ridicule and make fun of. 

I love this article: Vicki Larson: He's Younger, She's Older -- Can This Marriage Last?

Not for its content but in the comments there are quite a few OW/YM couples in there that have even larger age gaps than ours saying how happy they are. 

I absolutely DETEST how demi/ashton became the poster couple for OW/YM relationships! Even before they got together it was plain as day they are both highly narcissistic entitled half-wits that was doomed to fail, but not because of the age gap which was put as the cause of ashton's cheating and demis bad behavior. 

What's funny is same-age couple in hollywood cheat/divorce just about every damn day, and yet there are hollywood couples that have survived for many years.

Hugh Jackman has been married to the same woman that is 13 years older since 1996. Geena Davis has been married to a man 15 years younger since 2001. Aaron Taylor-Johnson has been married to a woman 24 years older since 2012. Julianne Moore has been married to a guy 10 years younger since 2003. Maxwell Caulfield has been married to a woman that is 18 years older since 1980! 

Seriously, out of all these couples, ashton and demi got the spot light?? SERIOUSLY???

But I digress. I know OW/YM relationships are certainly in the minority, but they are out there and they deserve the same respect as any other type. 

Even some of my close friends were negative about it, saying he'll just end up hurting me or leave me for a younger woman, most have came around but I had to ditch one long time friend because of it. We are a very happy couple!

Sorry if this is long, just something that's been on my mind lately.


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Welcome to TAM!  I am happy for you. Age is just a number to some. While I think OW/YM is in the minority, it is certainly gaining momentum. Why not, one can not help themselves with who they fall in love with.


----------



## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

I think the issue with age differential relationships is more to do with life stages. I think its perfectly understandable that you could have lots in common with people of a variety of ages.

I have many older friends, for instance (not as many younger ones) and the age difference never stopped us from having lots in common.

In my opinion, the age difference becomes a problem when you've got someone who hasn't had children and someone who's raising adult kids. Or someone who's retired and someone who's just starting their career....etc. I think those large gaps in life stages is hard to deal with longterm in a romantic partnership. In time, you always start disproportionally missing what you don't have.

Otherwise, if you're happy with your partner and you're both getting your needs met....stop giving a rat's butt what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter.

The only two people who really understand a relationship are the two people in it.

Life would be a lot happier for a lot of people if you just lived up to your own standards and expectations and didn't worry other people's opinion on how you're living your life.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

DanaS said:


> But I digress. I know OW/YM relationships are certainly in the minority, but they are out there and they deserve the same respect as any other type.
> 
> Even some of my close friends were negative about it, saying he'll just end up hurting me or leave me for a younger woman, most have came around but I had to ditch one long time friend because of it. We are a very happy couple!
> 
> Sorry if this is long, just something that's been on my mind lately.


You are right, these relationships deserve absolutely the same respect!

I think a basic human growth in the last 50 years is that of the concept of respect for each other instead of battling the differences. 

But that is a 'new' concept, and dangerous to many old institutions and human instincts.

Human nature (or evolutionairy biologie) is working hard to destroy the concepts that work against procreation of healthy able offspring. That is what works through our instincts.

But that itself is not a moral problem, because restricting ourselves to no go after anything female on the street is also a restriction against our genes. So we are familiar with the concept of good and bad being something different than our DNA and bad instincts are telling us to do.

I think the spiritual aspect of a love relation, the 'togetherness', is the core of it. If you have it, cherish it, and let people think their little thoughts. Most people cannot think anyway


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

People can be so petty.

What I would suggest is that you have some fun with this. Come up with some responses that will shock some sense into them. You already know the questions that they will ask so just be ready for them.

I'm not feeling very creative right now but I'm sure that people here can help you come up with some.

Often people just blurt things out with out thinking. So you could also the question as a time to teach them that sometimes it's ok to do things differently.


----------



## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

Well in my opinion its okay nothing wrong with that, because when I was 20 years old I had a relationship with 31 years older woman and we was going really very well and we was happy and comfortable with each other.. but after one year of relation I had to go abroad, and I lost communication with her, may be she found someone else during that time.. So I don't think its wrong to be in relationship with older woman, If both of you are happy with each other then its cool.. just forget about other friends what they talk and don't listen other people.. let them talk you just focus on your relationship..


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't think any relationship gets hate directed at it like a homosexual one...

OM/YW or vice versa get inappropriate questions and jokes maybe, but hate? Not from what I've seen.

There are always half wits who ask stupid questions - friends of ours after years of trying for a baby, finally had one via surrogate last year (in the us). Someone actually asked the mother "is she yours", huh?? Who does that?

In my humble opinion, if it doesn't affect someone, they should mind their own business. If you and hubby are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *DanaS said*: While I do understand other type of relationships such as homosexual couples get lots of hate, there is also a lot more understanding especially in certain areas. However, from my experience older woman/younger man relationships seem to me to be the most taboo. Older man/younger woman relationships certainly don't get the kind of hate to the extent OW/YM do.


You are asking for opinions, *hate* seems to be an awfully strong word for passerby's or really anyone in your life .. in regards to this situation.. surely you don't feel "hated" ...I have seen couples with a bigger age gap than 15 yrs... I could understand someone being "*concerned*" if they were a close friend , family member...hopefully they do not show that in an ugly way. It is your life to live...

From my perspective...this has AS MUCH to do with maturity, character , and other things.. considering, not just age... if you are depending on something long term....so few relationships survive to begin with.. As for your Ex-husband...he probably wishes he could get a younger woman -is my thoughts on that one...or do you really think he is genuinely concerned for your welfare? 

Like the others have said... if you are both happy...enjoying life, you have resolved this between the 2 of you.. this is where you both want to be...Live it....

Though on the flip side.. as an older woman, I don't believe I could do it...

I would not have enough confidence or faith to believe a younger man would stay with me- for the long haul..If the age gap was too large.... A women in her 40's is feeling on top of the world...and sexually you are in your PRIME...(I know all about this cause I felt this way...and was wishing my H was 20 yrs younger ).... but this phase will not last forever....any younger man would be in heaven with some 40 yr olds...in comparison to women their own age ....hormonally they are both at their sexual Peaks.. 

Some even gravitate to each other during this time -because of that.. though it sounds you have many other things in common, it's not all about sex , sex .. sex. I am thinking Demi Moore was on a sex High when she got together with Ashton...but ya know..she is a movie star, they seem to get whatever they want...and none of it lasts anyway... like you said.

I guess the concerns are -what happens in menopause... there are men with same age wives ...who are going crazy cause their women lost their sex drives (speaking completely from a libido perspective here).... these would be my biggest concerns for any couple with a large age gap... 

I feel this pretty strongly when younger women get with older men actually ...cause I would warn her when she reaches her 40's, she is going to be going freaking nuts with a man who might be reaching 60 -when she is raring to go like 2 -3 times a day.. that could destroy a relationship... but she is not "feeling" like that in her 20's.. in fact in her younger yrs , she and an older man are the perfect match "sexually" as he is slowing down himself... 

If you 2 are completely devoted to pleasing each other despite these changes, these seasons in your sexuality.. having considered these things.. these would be my concerns... but it's not about hate.


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I think there's nothing wrong with the OW/YM thing. Many people expect a relationship to be between a man and woman, in which the woman is prettier, more agreeable, younger, fitter, and more refined than the man. It's just a reflection of heteronormativity and sexism in our culture. In my opinion, diversity is valuable and people should be less bigoted about all things, including ideas about appearance, beauty, and compatibility.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DanaS said:


> What I mean by that is how many VERY annoying and even offensive questions I have been asked that get on my nerves.


Stop worrying about what people think/say and live your life/your marriage for you. If you and husband are happy, who cares what anyone thinks?

People are always going to talk, regardless. The opposite of this is some younger women who like older men get sh*t on because they get told they are only after his money. See? People will always talk.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I have about the same age differential except i'm a male. We catch it too. People assume the older male wants to take advantage of the younger person. It's not how it works out in this society. A lot of time you end up helping the younger person a lot and it can take a lot of your focus and energy. Plus people will assume she is only with you for the money, and it's not a good type of attention to get. 

Sometimes people just like other people and realize they have a larger age differential than average. They could have much in common or not much at all, but enjoy each others time and company.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Pretty easy, women that give you crap about it are simply jealous.

I find NOTHING wrong with it AT ALL. Matter a fact, I have ALWAYS been attracted to mature/older women (late30s/40s/even 50s) than younger women.

I would TOTALLY date one if I was single and not give a F what others think. <<<< I think this is your problem. You care too much for what's completely out of your control.

Just ignore the stupidity. Heck, be thankful when people tell you these things. Think of it as a people **** filter.

Those that give you crap your write off vs find out down the road that they are crappy people.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

frusdil said:


> I don't think any relationship gets hate directed at it like a homosexual one...
> 
> OM/YW or vice versa get inappropriate questions and jokes maybe, but hate? Not from what I've seen.


:iagree: I am in an age-gap relationship(marriage), but my brother's experiences being gay is a lot more challenging with his partner. 



Jellybeans said:


> Stop worrying about what people think/say and live your life/your marriage for you. If you and husband are happy, who cares what anyone thinks?
> 
> People are always going to talk, regardless. The opposite of this is some younger women who like older men get sh*t on because they get told they are only after his money. See? People will always talk.


^ This is true, too. I got a lot of stupid questions and comments from people about being with a man 10 years older. It was annoying, but never changed anything for us. People are going to talk no matter what(doesn't matter what type of relationship you'e in). It's one of those things you have to learn to let go in one ear and out the other.


----------

