# Driving me crazy...



## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

... NO.. Not really.. But I do have an issue I would like to get some help from you all on maybe resolving.. Not really looking for 2 x 4's... Suggestions on how to maybe solve this problem...

Situation... My SO's kids baby daddy lives 2 hours away.. They meet half way on his weekends.. After a trip where she just need to get away by herself last year, my SO says she has anxiety over drving anywhere anymore and it always creates a big arguement everytime I either refuse or can't not take the kids(with or without her) to meet for the exchange,.. I know when we got together that they were a package deal.. I sure dont mind helping out with them.. I do alot of the parenting.. Even had them for 3 nights all by myself will she was gone to a work conference.. Personally I think the aniexty is nothing more than her not wanting to do it but I am no shrink so i dont know... I told her this last time that I would not continue to do all the driving.. I would do pickup or delivery... I think that is more than fair.. Should I stick to that and see how it goes??


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## Cora28 (Apr 30, 2013)

Why won´t she tell you why she has so much anxiety over driving? It seems a bit unfair to leave you to do all the driving. Saying this, you don´t want her to have an accident either. When I was a child, my stepdad and my Mum would both drive me to the halfway pickup point to meet my Dad. He would mostly fetch me on his own with one of my half sisters. 

Maybe she just doesn´t want to see her ex... I know my mum had a hard time with that (my dad left her).


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How far is the drive?


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Wow, I think your amazing... My partner would NEVER take my son to his fathers for me and we live in the same city (20 minute drive). In fact he wont even allow my sons father to drop my son off at our home.... I do all of it on my own...

I wonder what happened that she has such anxiety about the driving? Must have been something traumatic... Would the father be agreeable to drive all the way to get the kids until she can fix her anxiety problem? Can she or both of you ask a mutual friend or relative to make the trip for you till she can work it out? Just throwing out a few ideas..... 

I admire how much you help out... Wish you the best!


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

Cora.. There is no issue with the ex.. he comes for Birthdays etc.. 

Diwali... The trip is 2 hours round trip..

Torani... I can't get a straight answer on what has caused the aniexty... She didnt say anything about almost wreaking or anything like that... Its really not a need to ask anyone else to make the trip.. I do it.. I just feel like at times I am being taken advantage of.. This past friday I unexpectly had to spend 4 plus hours in the car for work and she was not understanding of the fact that I didnt want to spend another 2 hours driving... She took the kids by herself and left me a nice long letter at home... How I didnt care how it made her feel... Etc.. etc... etc..


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## Cora28 (Apr 30, 2013)

Mmmm. I think she needs to give you a proper answer as to why she has this anxiety. Depending on her response, I think you should split the driving and maybe go together on the journey. It also seems very unfair for her to expect you to do it all especially after spending 4 hours in the car for work. Seems a tad selfish to me.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Your SO doesn't go pick his kids up? She's his problem really.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

You lost me A Bit Much...


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Sorry, got the genders mixed up.

I just read your OP again... slowly. lol

I think she's pulling your leg.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

And stick to your guns. They're HER kids. You may enjoy them, and understand they are a package, but seriously this is HER responsibility.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

This is def going to be a topic of discussion in counseling next week.. I dont like turmoil and I feel it brewing every time it is time for the kids to go to their dad's.. Again.. I dont mind helping out but I shouldn't be doing 80% of he work...


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

No you shouldn't. She's taking advantage of your kindness IMO.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Definitely taking advantage of you. We have the same trip to make every two weeks and dh goes with 95% of the time. I have told him he doesn't have to but he wants to. I think in the last three years he's done it on his own maybe twice because I was very sick. 
Don't let her railroad you. This is her responsibility.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

If she truly sick I would never say no... Just wanted to make sure before I set some boundries on this issue... 

On a side note.. If you were and ex and your exes SO was the one that was always droping off and picking up wouldn't you wonder how involved your ex was in the kids life???


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Hope4thebest said:


> If she truly sick I would never say no... Just wanted to make sure before I set some boundries on this issue...
> 
> On a side note.. If you were and ex and your exes SO was the one that was always droping off and picking up wouldn't you wonder how involved your ex was in the kids life???


In the 16 years my daughter has been on this earth, I have been the one that has done 99.99999% of the driving for her. Her dad hates to drive and whines and moans and groans and bi!ches to the point that its just easier to do it myself. There were years that he had to take her to practices when she was with him, and he made a HUGE fuss about that, even though the facility was only 10 minutes from his house!  He isnt involved in anything else with her either, which she prefers, but I do the pick up/drop off driving to make her life easier so she doesnt have to hear about it.

Sorry, to answer your question, YES!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

And yes I would wonder. And I think my h goes with me to send a message to everyone that he IS involved.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Hope4thebest said:


> Cora.. There is no issue with the ex.. he comes for Birthdays etc..
> 
> Diwali... The trip is 2 hours round trip..
> 
> Torani... I can't get a straight answer on what has caused the aniexty... She didnt say anything about almost wreaking or anything like that... Its really not a need to ask anyone else to make the trip.. I do it.. I just feel like at times I am being taken advantage of.. This past friday I unexpectly had to spend 4 plus hours in the car for work and she was not understanding of the fact that I didnt want to spend another 2 hours driving... She took the kids by herself and left me a nice long letter at home... How I didnt care how it made her feel... Etc.. etc... etc..


Your definitely a nice person to do so much for her... Sounds a little bit like she doesn't appreciate just how much your doing... And I really am not bashing her... she may just be unaware. Sometimes we take people for granted without meaning to until something happens that makes us realize how good those people really are to us. Im sure I have done that before.. =( 

I am glad you are going to bring it up in counseling... Sounds like a safe place to work out the details and share thoughts on it. Maybe then you'll get a better understanding of why she has such an issue with driving them... I personally like the idea of the two of you going together... Sounds like a great opportunity for the two of you to have some alone time on the way home if you don't have any children with you on the way back... It could be a mini date...


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

We do make the trip from time to time and we almost always have a nice dinner alone afterwards.. I guess the part I am struggling so with is that it is expected and if I dont want to do it that I am somehow less committed to the relationship...


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Hope4thebest said:


> We do make the trip from time to time and we almost always have a nice dinner alone afterwards.. I guess the part I am struggling so with is that it is expected and if I dont want to do it that I am somehow less committed to the relationship...


That's just BS manipulation on her part. You're committed to HER. The kids come with her, but your primary relationship is with HER.

I hope you don't allow her to guilt you anymore. She's doing her kids NO favors by not taking the responsibility on.


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

I know it is.. I worry about how the kids will view it when they get older.. They ask all the times that I have taking them if their mom was going to pick them up... I knoiw it is going to hurt their relationship in the long run...


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