# Hair and Sex Drive?



## LeslieH (Apr 3, 2012)

For most of my adult life, I've been a short hair girl. My hair is usually chin length or bobbed. On the rare occasions that I decide to grow my hair out long, I usually get more attention from other men. This is not really anything unusual because guys love long hair.

Over the past year, I grew my hair out to the longest it's been in years. I was about 29 when I started growing it, my reasoning being that I may as well do the long hair thing one last time before I get to be too old to have long hair. Obviously, that point is arguable, but that's not what I want to discuss.

I also noticed that as my hair got longer, my sex drive was also increasing. I know that women sexually peak in their 30's so I was wondering if my decision to grow my hair was some sort of unconscious attempt to get more attention, increasing my chances for sex.

I ended up have a PA. Very brief, but of course, still hurtful to my husband. Right now we are 6 weeks from the day I confessed and trying to R. 

I cut my hair two days ago and have noticed that since I've cut it, I feel less obsessed with sex and more focused on other aspects of my life. I realize I may be attaching too much value to my hair length and my actions. I am certainly not saying that my hair was responsible for my PA. But do other women notice that having longer hair increases or signals a future increase in sex drive?

A sadder side effect is that I find that I am no longer craving my husband's touch like I did when I first confessed. I would have killed a cute puppy to have him just hold my hand again. Now, I really don't care. And no, he has still not touched me in any way...hand holding, pat on the back, nothing.

So could cutting my hair have been a coping mechanism for that?


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## Cherie (May 9, 2012)

> A sadder side effect is that I find that I am no longer craving my husband's touch like I did when I first confessed. I would have killed a cute puppy to have him just hold my hand again. Now, I really don't care. And no, he has still not touched me in any way...hand holding, pat on the back, nothing.
> 
> So could cutting my hair have been a coping mechanism for that?


No. 
Long hair = attention from other men yes, but has nothing to do with your sex drive IMO. 

Your hubby is hurt by you - and that's why he's not touching you. Cutting your hair probably didn't help matters any if he found long hair attractive. 

Your focus on lack of sex is prob. b/c you have too much other **** going on in your life right now.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The hair stuff is nonsense. Stick to the reality of the situation.

Did you ever switch to a job that would not take you overseas or make you work long hours? Are you and your husband trying to spend more time together? Are the two of you in any kind of marriage counseling?

I remember your story and what you did to your husband was pretty heinous. I'm not surprised he has not been intimate with you. It may take years to get back to where you were before you gave yourself to another man.

If you are no longer deisring him now that the brunt of the shame your were feeling is wearing off, then maybe you are finally realising your true feelings that have probably existed since before your affair. Maybe your husband is sensing this and knows you are detaching from him and maybe that is why he is afraid to touch you.

If you want to save the marriage then you need to be more proacive and quit waiting for things to happen and for him to respond.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

This is obviously something unique to you. It most likely has to do with self-esteem and self-perception issues with you. I've had both long and short hair and never noticed a difference.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Leslie - good luck. Is is just a long arduous process that has its ups and downs. Focus on the positive and don't let temporary moods or feelings sway you too much. Your hair length may be playing with your self-esteem. More likely your self esteem playing with your hair length though.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

LeslieH said:


> I cut my hair two days ago and have noticed that since I've cut it, I feel less obsessed with sex and more focused on other aspects of my life. I realize I may be attaching too much value to my hair length and my actions. I am certainly not saying that my hair was responsible for my PA. But do other women notice that having longer hair increases or signals a future increase in sex drive?
> 
> A sadder side effect is that I find that I am no longer craving my husband's touch like I did when I first confessed. I would have killed a cute puppy to have him just hold my hand again. Now, I really don't care. And no, he has still not touched me in any way...hand holding, pat on the back, nothing.
> 
> So could cutting my hair have been a coping mechanism for that?


I had short hair in my teens and early 20s it did not increase or decrease my sex drive or decrease date requests. 

I have had waist length hair since my mid 20s and it did not decrease or increase my sex drive nor did it affect the number of dating requests. 

Also, there are certain types of personality disorders or psychological issues in which people often choose to cut their hair when frustrated or depressed. Can you rule that out any psychological issues? Have you seen a doctor or a psychiatrist? 

'Cause even think about killing a cute puppy to please someone, sounds a tad crazy to me. 

It sounds like something an extreme pathological narcissist would do or perhaps a sociopath.


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## LeslieH (Apr 3, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I had short hair in my teens and early 20s it did not increase or decrease my sex drive or decrease date requests.
> 
> I have had waist length hair since my mid 20s and it did not decrease or increase my sex drive nor did it affect the number of dating requests.
> 
> ...


The killing a puppy was a joke, albeit one in poor taste. 

The point of this topic was just to get other women's opinions about how they relate to their hair, not to focus too much on my current state of R. 

Also, I am very aware of why he does not want to touch me and realize that it may be a very long time till that happens. I was mentioning it as a circumstance I'm dealing with.

@Bandit: We are both in IC and things are actually progressing well with us. I think it was a bit of a moot point to call what I did "heinous." I'm sure everyone here considers cheaters to be "henious" people. And while I don't think what I've done is any better by any means, I don't see how I am any worse to warrant such a term.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I think the cutting of the hair is symbolic.

You believe your hair relates to your sex drive... so it does.

I've always had long hair. I'm HD but was low drive for a couple of years when my kids were babies...not related to me hair... my hair was long then too.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I agree that the hair thing is symbolic. 

When things got to their worst, and I felt the least like myself I ever felt and was fighting to get my personality back, I dyed my hair back to black, the color it was when I met hubs, and the last time I really felt like "me."

If the short hair resonates with a part of you that you're seeking, lost, or whatever, it makes sense to me that you'd go back to it.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If YOU believe that the short hair stopped your high sex drive... then You will probably feel more sexy as you grow it out again.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

LeslieH said:


> @Bandit: We are both in IC and things are actually progressing well with us. I think it was a bit of a moot point to call what I did "heinous." I'm sure everyone here considers cheaters to be "henious" people. And while I don't think what I've done is any better by any means, I don't see how I am any worse to warrant such a term.


Glad to hear you are progressing.

As for my description, I stand by it. I was cheated on twice by my STBXW.... its the only adjective I can think of.

Take it or leave it. Its just an opinion.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I just plucked my eyebrows. Oh my gosh I think I need to scr#w someone other than my husband. I can't help it sorry hubby!!!:scratchhead:


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Ok, that may have been a little much ,but come on long hair really??


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your hair has nothing to do with you cheating on your husband. Dang. Just when I thought I'd heard it all...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LeslieH (Apr 3, 2012)

never said that long hair nor a strong sex drive were the cause of my cheating. I know that I have/had boundary issues that I need to reset. 

but thanks to those that answered my question. as someone who really never has long hair, i was just curious.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Leslie,

I think your drop in drive is a reaction to him wanting nothing to do with you physically. You're shutting down because you're body is realizing just how much you've hurt him, and it's giving up. 

The initial rush was biology helping you trick him into staying with him. Nature gave you the urge to make him believe he was your mate by giving him lots of sex. Now nature is moving on from that strategy since it didn't work.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Leslie:

I apologize for being a bit rough on you. My husband made all sorts of excuses for why he cheated and I am hyper vigilant. So sorry.

Still, do some research about cutting off one's hair in response to an emotional issue. It is often associated with various psychological issues. 

Do you remember when Brittany Spears shaved her head? Do your remember her emotional state.

Addressing these issues can help your marriage. It is IMO, definitely something that needs to be addressed with a Doc.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sara8 said:


> I had short hair in my teens and early 20s it did not increase or decrease my sex drive or decrease date requests.
> 
> I have had waist length hair since my mid 20s and it did not decrease or increase my sex drive nor did it affect the number of dating requests.
> 
> ...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Samson blamed everything on his hair too, but he did cool things like wrestle a lion


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