# Earning back trust?



## maplesky

I posted a little about this in another thread, but I would really appreciate the input of folks in happy marriages on this. 

My husband and I are now three months separated. We have known each other for 5 years, and been married for 4. We are now living in different countries. We have no children. As for why we are separated, there is no one issue that particularly stands out. Our story is that we moved into our marriage too quickly. And we didn't have enough time together free from serious struggles (moving to another country, immigration process, death in the family, his breaking his leg, single income, stress at my workplace, harsh weather, both of us starting over again, difficulties conceiving, loneliness and both of us being so far away from both of our families) in which we were able to build a solid foundation to draw upon when things got tough. Also, I believe our communication skills were wanting. 

The current situation is that he says he doesn't trust me, and doesn't know if he ever will. We are presently one month into a two-week no contact period. Until this point, we would email once a week. He would email, and I would respond. Then he'd email a week later, etc. At first, we would just stick to updates. Lately, we have been able to talk a little bit about feelings. He has shared that he needs to feel like he's in the driver's seat. I know he needs to feel as though he's not being pressured and he's free to just "be" with no need to rush to work on the marriage (or not). I don't say that with bitterness; I'm just trying to explain his position. I don't feel as though I was solely responsible for everything going wrong, but that we both had roles to play. But I refuse to use my anger over choices we made as a reason to not try to reflect on trust and how I can show him trust and maybe earn it back. The fact is that he does not currently trust me. He says he cannot trust anyone, but especially me. 

Has anyone been through this before? And how did you successfully navigate through this? Any ideas from a male perspective? What is my husband going through? What can I do as his separated wife to help him on this journey?


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## misstf

I am wondering why you have a no contact period? how are you supposed to maintain a long-distance relationship without any type of communication?

What are the root of the trust issues and are they valid? I personally don't believe that any one person can cause all the issues in a relationship, but you both have to be willing to put in the work to fix it


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## youradvocate

Hi there!

I saw your post, and I understand what you're going through, but at the same time, you post if to shallow. If the issue of trust is raise in a relationship, it simply means that something must have gone deeply wrong. so I suggest that you quest to a better solution with your husband start from resolving the trust issues.

Second: remember that a relationship without communication is just like a sludgier sent on the battle field without his weapon. a man that says he can't trust you as lost his desire to make it work, so if I were, I will call it quite.

I Was once separated from my wife for almost two years, we were just boyfriend and girlfriend back then. But even though miles away from one another, we never failed to keep a strong communication.

So give more details and I will try to help you.

Good luck.


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