# Emotional Affair - more?



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Hi All,

Been reading a few threads here in the last few days since I've discovered my wife's potential affair, so thought i'd jump in. 

I was tempted to check my wife's phone logs one day after noticing that she had deleted a few text messages on her phone from one particular work colleague (he lives out of town but travels - also is married with children). The stuff deleted I think was innocuous talk about getting coffee, so I was a bit perplexed. When I looked at the phone bill I found was about 400 texts and 6 hours spent on the phone with this person in the last two months. In addition there was some sporadic contact with the OM for about the past 8 months. I travel internationally for business and much of this contact takes place while I'm on trips for work. None of these call or texts are is in her phone's history, of course. I don't think she's deleted any other texts but haven't been through all the texts with her friends to verify. 

Okay so what steps I've taken so far - I'm a pretty analytical and organized, and tech savvy person. 

- Assembled spreadsheet of the calls/texts and my locations. 
- Installed spyware on her phone- it misses a lot of outgoing texts however, but incoming, call logging and location seem to be good. 

Now I guess I wait to see what transpires on my next trip - I'm not looking forward to it. We have been married five years and have a two year old daughter so I really want to proceed carefully. Honestly our sex life hasn't been great since our daughter was born, but really bad in the last 9 months or so. My stomach still hurts and my head is spinning as I type this, so any help is appreciated to keep my sanity during this time.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Sorry you're here, my friend. Things do not sound good. The fact that there are that many texts and that she's actively trying to hide them is not a good sign. You should go into super sleuth mode to find the extent of things. If you confront her with your suspicions now, she will strongly deny any involvement and you'll be forced to accept her explanation like "we were working on an intense project together", etc. 

If she drives to work, you should consider putting a voice-activated recorder (VAR) in her car. You can velcro it under the seat and put a cutoff headphone plug into it to make sure that it never accidentally plays anything aloud in the car. You might consider getting one for home too, and setting it up to record conversations she has in the house while you're away. 

Some mobile phone providers can give the content of text messages upon request--check with yours. 

There are applications (e.g. Dr. Phone) that are able to recover some of the deleted texts from phones, as long as the "deleted" data hasn't yet been overwritten by new data. 

If she uses a computer at home, you might consider putting a keylogger on it to capture the content of any emails she writes, or better yet, the login and password to any secret email accounts she has. 

Sorry you're here, and we wish you good luck in handling an awful situation.


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Also prepare what you are going to do under either scenario. If you get the smoking gun, then what? Are you prepared to leave her, to try to convince her to work on things, to do nothing?


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Try to act normal until you get the evidence you need. Do not confront her without hard proof. The amount of texts and phone calls is a red flag as is her deleting his texts. Be especially watchful for a "blank" period of text while you are away. As in a bunch of texts leading up to a few hours of complete silence. Pull the phones location at that time if possible.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Be patient and play cool.


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Thanks everyone. I am trying to patient and act normal, but it's definitely not an easy thing to do! I'm going to look into getting VAR's into her car and the bedroom before my next trip. I checked with the phone company but no chance on getting the content of texts without a court order. 

If i find that she has been having an affair then yes I probably will leave her. I'm not sure how I would ever trust her again, and I grew up in a family where the parents stayed together "for the kids". I won't be putting my daughter through that.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

inlimbo80 said:


> I checked with the phone company but no chance on getting the content of texts without a court order.


I think you missed part of Tatsuhiko's post where it's mentioned that there are *APPS* that you can run on her phone to un-delete deleted texts. They don't bring back 100%, but for some people who have used these apps, it's been more than enough.

Look up DrFone and FoneLab. Both will possibly get you some of the texts she's been so busy deleting.

But you need access to her phone and it could take a while to go through the process.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

OP,

Don't wait until your next rip to put the VAR in her car. You will find out in less than a week if who she is talking to and what she is doing.
But remember,
(1) you NEVER reveal how you got the information
(2) you must , especially with your red flags, be prepared to hear some hurtful conversations. But you cannot blow your "cover".

Take the advice and get the deleted text recovery software also. Many times it works.

Understand this, women primarily enter affairs, either EA or PA, starting with emotional needs. That means the longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop. So if I were you I would not be waiting weeks for trips. 

And if the VAR does not uncover anything, check EVERYWHERE for a "burner" phone. That means her car, her lingerie drawer, or anywhere else you ordinarily would have no reason to look.. If she is cheating and if her boyfriend is "experienced", getting a "burner" phone is one of the first things recommended if you google " How To Get Away With Cheating".


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

How is your sex life?

ETA: Never mind, I see you say it has gone downhill steeply in the past 9 months.

99% chance it has gone physical when you weren't around to interfere.

See http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html on how to find out for sure.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> Thanks everyone. I am trying to patient and act normal, but it's definitely not an easy thing to do! I'm going to look into getting VAR's into her car and the bedroom before my next trip. I checked with the phone company but no chance on getting the content of texts without a court order.
> 
> If i find that she has been having an affair then yes I probably will leave her. I'm not sure how I would ever trust her again, and I grew up in a family where the parents stayed together "for the kids". I won't be putting my daughter through that.


Probably leave her? 

Not sure? 

Listen friend....and you need to listen to me good: All the signs are there that she is either cooking up an affair or is already actively in one. 

When you find out and gather your evidence...which needs to be irrefutable...there can be no "maybes". No hesitations. No prevarications. Go back and read the hundreds of stories of betrayed husbands on the site. The only...THE ONLY men who ever saved their marriages and turned their wayward wives around were men who acted swiftly, decisively and without hesitation or concern for their cheating wives' feelings. The men who laid the evidence on the table, filed for divorce and demanded that their cheating wives leave the marital home are the only ones who ended up having their wives beg to come back to them. And even then, they were only successful maybe 25% of the time. 

The men who were wishy washy, indecisive, weak and lacking in resolve were the ones who either got drug along for months and even years in false reconciliation, were emotionally and sometimes physically abused by their unrepentant wives, neglected, emasculated, exploited, tormented and repeatedly humiliated by wayward wives who lacked empathy and remorse. These men eventually ended their marriages, but only after being completely destroyed and wasting years of their lives. 

Please do not be one of those men. You can be decisive, commanding and brimming with confidence and self-respect if you choose to be. A choice is all it takes...followed by the resolve to follow through with your promises to yourself. Men who break promises to themselves are the ones who never forgive themselves. They are the ones who stay stuck for years in agonizing limbo with wives who do not love or respect them, and only keep them around as babysitters. 

Gather evidence on your wife. Also, go and see three lawyers for free consults. Arm yourself with knowledge about the divorce laws in your state. Don't walk around in ignorance. Arming yourself with information, good or bad, is empowering and will strengthen your resolve to do what you need to do if she is indeed cheating on you. 

Good luck. Remember, stay stealthy and act normal until you have gathered the hard evidence. Don't let her know what you are doing. Play the game smartly.


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Thanks again,

I will try to see about the text message recovery apps. Sorry I did not mean to ignore this part. Don't plan to wait to get the VARs planted just don't expect to see much activity until my next trip as this has been historically the case. Might be difficult to get her phone for an extended period again. She almost always has it with her, I was able to install the spyware as she forgot it at home once last week. I'll have to wait for the next opportunity. 

I do want to gather absolute proof before I confront her, I know I need to do this from a position of strength, I don't want to be asking questions to which I don't already know the answer. It is just the acting like the normal loving husband part which is hard for me at the moment.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

What kind of phone does she use?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

How often is the OM in town at your wife's employers? Have you two spoken of in at all, basically does your wife talk to you and mention him? When you are ready, gathered your evidence, find out when he is in town. Go to your wife's employer and take her to lunch, ask her to invite OM, you surely would like to talk with him about their extensive contact and deletion of texts. When at lunch and you are sitting across from OM tell him your buddy is calling his wife at this very moment and fm giving her this same information. Tell him how difficult his life is going to get and then ask both OM and your wife if it was worth it. Then hand your wife an envelope containing divorce papers. As you get up to leave them, tell them you also mailed copies of the phone texts to the employers HR department and walk out. 

Sorry you are here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

It's an android phone.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> It's an android phone.


If you don't like stealth, then wait until she is in the shower. Grab it and run out of there and drive somewhere quiet and go through her texts. Forward them to your phone or take screenshots with your phone camera.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Listen friend....and you need to listen to me good: All the signs are there that she is either cooking up an affair or is already actively in one.
> 
> When you find out and gather your evidence...which needs to be irrefutable...there can be no "maybes". No hesitations. No prevarications. Go back and read the hundreds of stories of betrayed husbands on the site. The only...THE ONLY men who ever saved their marriages and turned their wayward wives around were men who acted swiftly, decisively and without hesitation or concern for their cheating wives' feelings. The men who laid the evidence on the table, filed for divorce and demanded that their cheating wives leave the marital home are the only ones who ended up having their wives beg to come back to them. And even then, they were only successful maybe 25% of the time.
> 
> The men who were wishy washy, indecisive, weak and lacking in resolve were the ones who either got drug along for months and even years in false reconciliation, were emotionally and sometimes physically abused by their unrepentant wives, neglected, emasculated, exploited, tormented and repeatedly humiliated by wayward wives who lacked empathy and remorse. These men eventually ended their marriages, but only after being completely destroyed and wasting years of their lives.


Truth.

Gather the data before confronting her. Don't do the "soft" confrontation. Gathering good proof won't take long. Get those VARs deployed. If she has a phone linked to her computer, you may well be able to retrieve text messages from a backup. iPhones synced to iTunes will do this. Do your research so you understand exactly how to access the backups, how to enable them, and what notifications she will receive. You can even set up a synced email if you think she is emailing him. But you need access to all her devices and all her emails so you can intercept and delete all notifications that you've synced a mail program or set up an automatic email forwarding.

Do you suspect she brings the guy to your home? There are a bunch of disguised video cameras which are either motion activated or can stream/archive the video.

Search her car carefully, every hidden cubby and even the spare tire compartment. Carefully search her dresser and her closet, including the pockets of clothing and inside shoes etc. Be sure to leave everything exactly as you found it. Review all the credit cards. You can pull a credit report on her to see if she has any secret bank accounts or credit cards. Strictly speaking it may not be legal for you to pull her report, but as part of regular good practices you should both be pulling your free credit reports regularly (you get a free one from each agency every year iirc) to check for identity theft and incorrect data.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It's only illegal if someone finds out. 

Get those reports OP. 

We had a lady on here a few years back who's husband was having a long term affair. During the divorce her lawyer discovered this guy had run up over $30k in secret credit card debt. 

Thirty bills. Think about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Thanks for the advice everyone. 

The phone is an android, so no iTunes sync available. When I get another chance at it, I will try to recover the deleted texts. 

I don't know how much the OM is in town, she never really talks about him to me, except the first time i saw a text from him (innocuous) and asked who he was. This was maybe 3 months ago. 

I have no idea if she has ever brought him to my house or would. Before I discovered this EA I would never have even thought she was capable of hiding things like this from me. The deleted texts and calls are just so suspicious to me, i cant see how there would be any reasonable explanation for it.


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Also meant to mention that i pay all the household bills, and have our credit reports. So far, there is nothing unexplained or unusual that I've found.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Do you know the name of the OM, his physical address, and his position with your W's company?

If perchance you come to the conclusion that either an EA or PA is in fast progress, then you might try contacting his W as well as notifying the HR Department about their activity. Contrary to popular belief, most companies takes a dim view of and does not particularly like the publicity of any extracurricular hanky-panky going on between married members of its workforce!

Meantime, go see your personal physician to be checked out for the presence of STD's and also arrange an exploratory meeting with a good family attorney to explore your legal options!

Sorry you are here but you've definitely come to the right place here at TAM!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Does her phone have a removable chip of some sort in it? If it has a micro-SD, or maybe the SIM card, the messages may be stored on there rather than on internal memory. Ditto emails. You could pull the chip and copy it quickly to your computer while she's in the shower. You can also search for "deleted" files on the chip. Deleted files still exist on the chip until overwritten by newer data. If you're not familiar, it is like a book with a table of contents. You can erase the table of contents and thus not be able to easily know what is in the book, but the rest of the pages are still in the book. You can look at the pages and read them. When a file is deleted, the entry in the table of contents is erased but the file itself still exists until the space is needed for newer info. A casual look at the device says the files aren't there, but it is only the entry in the table of contents which isn't there.

There are many programs/apps out there to allow you to read the deleted files. You either need to install the app on her phone, pull the chip from her phone, or attach her phone to a computer with the app installed there. Figure on needing 15 minutes to do this. Practice first on another similar phone so you know how to do it cleanly and quickly.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Limbo

Women involved with other men physically or emotionally do not wait weeks in between contact. You can take it to the bank that if she has banged him or is he n an EA the contact will be pretty much daily in some form. Especially if it is relatively new when the excitement and new relationship thrill is at its zenith.
The VAR will do the trick. She may be waiting to meet him until you are gone but the planning is going on all the time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

I do know the OM name but he doesn't actually work for the same company, he works for a vendor to my W's company. I don't have his physical address or anything. Originally I thought about contacting his W but honestly would like some more proof before I do that. 

Next time I get access to her phone I will try the suggested apps, etc. The phone doesn't have a microSD and honestly I really doubt anything is stored on the sim. I'm also concerned they use FB messenger to contact but I haven't been able to crack that yet.


----------



## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

If she's got an android phone, then she must have a google account. Get her google account username and password. From there you should be able to look at all her online activity. Best to do it from her phone, just open her google browser, click on settings, then click on history. This will take you to her google "myactivity".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fleticao12 (Oct 17, 2016)

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible experience! 

I would talk to her about it NOW, express your concern and how much this would hurt you if it were true. I say this as she may not have taken things further than conversation and flirting (though I know this is upsetting too) at this point which may give you an opportunity to step in and stop it from happening. Talking and even flirting with someone can be stopped, she will forget him with time - if she confesses to an emotional affair tell her to change work places (drastic times call for drastic measures). But if she sleeps with him and you could have stopped this in it's tracks you will struggle to forgive yourself and her - things become really painful. Step in, let her know you love her, talk about what she is seeking and how you may work things out together.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Fleticao12 said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible experience!
> 
> I would talk to her about it NOW, express your concern and how much this would hurt you if it were true. I say this as she may not have taken things further than conversation and flirting (though I know this is upsetting too) at this point which may give you an opportunity to step in and stop it from happening. Talking and even flirting with someone can be stopped, she will forget him with time - if she confesses to an emotional affair tell her to change work places (drastic times call for drastic measures). But if she sleeps with him and you could have stopped this in it's tracks you will struggle to forgive yourself and her - things become really painful. Step in, let her know you love her, talk about what she is seeking and how you may work things out together.



I disagree.

I think that warning her before the OP has all the evidence only invites her to take the affair further underground, with more stealthy methods, and he may never get the truth.


----------



## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Probably leave her?
> 
> Not sure?
> 
> ...


OP you need to follow this to the T, the betrayed spouses that filed Divorce immediately took control of their marriage back, if you are wish washy at all she's going to eat you alive. Now this doesn't mean that you have to stay the course if she's fully remorseful earned your trust back you could stop the D at any time. The ones that went through with it came out on top most of the time, you can remarry you can if that's what you wish to do.

0P whatever you do keep posting here so we can help you walk through this terrible situation that walking through. get out of denial it is a PA a physical affair sorry, when your sex life started going downhill at usually indicator. Think about it we're adults do you just go and kiss no. Oh and the other thing when you confront her she Will lie about everything, she'll say we just kiss, kissing equals fcuking (they had sex) 
Just remember every word she says is a lie don't believe a word coming out of her mouth, cheaters lie. Keep posting you're going to need the help.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Limbo,

The information about him being a vendor for her company makes it much more probably this is an active PA because
(1) he is apparently obviously in out side sales, meaning he probably controls his schedule and is not tied to desk 9-5.
(2) she knows when you are scheduled to travel and this activity seems to uptick then.

BUT You apparently still really are hoping to make this all go away by wishing because it has been days now and you are still asking techie questions and dripping information here instead of installing the snooping that can get you an answer. Your FIRST stop this morning if you are in US should be Best Buy to buy the VAR's. If you do not take that step yuou are not serious about trying to catch her or even find out what is going on.

So after the VAR, your next actions should be
(1) get a GPS on the car
(2) four $29.95, if you know his name you can find out everything but his jock size. There are multiple web sites that will tell you his name, address, phone number, wifes name, children's name . All you have to do is a few clicks with your credit card in hand.
Is that too mmuch trouble?????? And do NOT TELL HER ANYTHING.
(3) Fake her out and tell her you are going on a trip and leave and come back later in the day or at night suddenly. My guess is she will not be home if she has enough notice for him to change his schedule.
(4) Hire a PI if you can afford it the next time you leave town.

I hope you finally can grasp you are not helpless here unless you want to be. No, right now, you should not confront her but rather get this technology in place and let her hang herself. Now, when you find out they are planning to hook up, then you will have to make a choice if you sit still and let it happen. There are some men who for some silly reason have to catch them in bed together before taking any action. Do not be one of those. You are not in a court of law.

Now hopefully the next time you post it will not be to just ask phone questions with one sentence responses but a plan of action, INCLUDING what you plan to do when you confirm she is cheating. You need that plan and if we are wrong, then you have prepared for the worst that did not happen. Bettger safe than sorry is the old saying.

The outcome for those that take strong action is better than those that shrink out of fear. Don't be one of those guys with a 50 page thread who after months comes back and tells everyone we were all correct ( we hate that) .


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

straightshooter said:


> Limbo,
> 
> The information about him being a vendor for her company makes it much more probably this is an active PA because
> (1) he is apparently obviously in out side sales, meaning he probably controls his schedule and is not tied to desk 9-5.
> ...


I really do thank you for your advice. Just wanted everyone to rest assure I am not just sitting about. I have been away the last couple of days, so it's been hard to do much. I have ordered two VAR's which are coming tomorrow. I'll install one in the car and one in the bedroom. 

I have spyware installed on her phone so I can see all call logs, at least incoming texts, location and location history. I also have access to all call history and text time/numbers from the mobile phone company. With location tracking on her phone I don't think it's necessary for me to install a GPS in her car also.

She doesn't use a computer at home so no joy there, also I don't know her Gmail or FB passwords. Can't see how to ask for them without tipping my hat that I think something's up - which I don't want to do until I have more evidence. 

Please understand that I'm not being lazy or wishy washy, I have a lot going on with work and other family commitments at the moment, so I can't work it 24 hours a day - although it does occupy a lot of my thoughts even when doing other things. 

I will get the truth, and hope not to have a 50 page thread in order to do so!


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Fleticao12 said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible experience!
> 
> I would talk to her about it NOW, express your concern and how much this would hurt you if it were true. I say this as she may not have taken things further than conversation and flirting (though I know this is upsetting too) at this point which may give you an opportunity to step in and stop it from happening. Talking and even flirting with someone can be stopped, she will forget him with time - if she confesses to an emotional affair tell her to change work places (drastic times call for drastic measures). But if she sleeps with him and you could have stopped this in it's tracks you will struggle to forgive yourself and her - things become really painful. Step in, let her know you love her, talk about what she is seeking and how you may work things out together.


This sounds logical and kind, but it doesn't work. She is already putting a lot of effort into hiding her actions, so she knows she is doing something wrong. Statistically the chances of her admitting to anything if OP confronts her is, literally, one in a thousand. Maybe worse odds than that. But she will 100% take her actions deeper underground. She'll hide even better because she will know OP is monitoring her and is suspicious. She is already addicted to the brain chemicals of an affair, so she will act as an addict.

VARs and other surveillance will give very fast results, usually within a few days. Then OP will know the extent of what he is dealing with. Yes, there is a chance she is only in an EA which then becomes PA within this week, but a premature confrontation will not change that.

A confrontation like you are suggesting just doesn't work in real life.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Limbo,

Now you're talking!!!

I would not worry about the FB or G Mail right now. As soon as you get the VAR installed in her car, run a bluff and make up dates for a "business trip" . My guess is as soon as she gets out of your sight the VAR will tell you all you need to know.

FYI. There was recently a guy i believe on here or SI that delayed and delayed and the FIRST day he had the VAR in the car he caught her. You suspect this has been going on so i will repeat they are communicating more than just after you leave. just remember, do not tell her how you know and you do NOT have to prove anything to her. you are the judge, jury, and if need be the executioner.

Once you confront her you are most likely going to get a whole bunch of tears, denials, and promises. DO NOT FALL FOR IT .

The most tried and true method of stopping an affair is to notify the other spouse. if Om is pre occupied saving his own ass in most cases he will throw your wife under the bus. The big issue is what you do once she is caught. That one gets complicated but one thing you do not do is trust anything she says that you can not verify.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

straightshooter said:


> Limbo,
> 
> Now you're talking!!!
> 
> ...


Always a good idea to give them an opportunity to hang themselves.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

If she's talking that much on the phone with him, a VAR will nab her. Just use it to get a fair settlement. Don't be a beta that takes her back because of your kids and you don't think you'll find better. If she's in a full affair, she deserves to be exposed to everyone, including your kid. Get the proof and go on with your life.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Fleticao12 said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible experience!
> 
> I would talk to her about it NOW, express your concern and how much this would hurt you if it were true. I say this as she may not have taken things further than conversation and flirting (though I know this is upsetting too) at this point which may give you an opportunity to step in and stop it from happening. Talking and even flirting with someone can be stopped, she will forget him with time - if she confesses to an emotional affair tell her to change work places (drastic times call for drastic measures). But if she sleeps with him and you could have stopped this in it's tracks you will struggle to forgive yourself and her - things become really painful. Step in, let her know you love her, talk about what she is seeking and how you may work things out together.


No, definitely don't do that. Go dark as possible and never let her know that you're on to her. Really, all that's left now is the end game. There's a high probability that the VAR will pick up necessary evidence to show an affair is indeed going on and this poor guy is going to have to divorce her. At this point all the damage is already done, you just need evidence to that effect.


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

No need to argue about me doing a soft confront with no evidence as that won't be happening. 

Quick update: VAR's have arrived and I'm going to install hopefully today in the house and tomorrow in the car. I guess under the pax seat would be best for the car? Any other tips/advice welcome.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

In the car make sure it can't come loose. Use strong velcro. Find a location where it can't be easily seen and where she won't easily feel it if she drops something on the floor and tries to find it. Ideally it would be where you can pull it out quickly since you know where it is, but she can't discover it. Another option is to put it up under the dashboard somewhere. Just be sure she can't easily kick it or bump it with her purse and dislodge it.

If it has a speaker, make sure you have completely disabled it with whatever controls the unit has. Also, if there is an earphone jack it should physically disconnect the speaker when earphone/earbuds are plugged in. Test it. If so, cut the wires off of a cheap earphone/earbud and plug in just the plug. This will make sure the VAR makes no sounds. If there is no earphone jack but it does have a speaker, you can cut the wires to the speaker without killing the VAR. You would have to open up the case carefully and then snip the wire to the speaker.

Use top quality batteries. Make sure whatever storage media it uses is installed and large enough capacity. Make sure you know how to get it into voice-activated mode rather than constant recording mode. Basically, play with it for a few minutes. Test it out before deploying it.


----------



## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP keep posting let us know if any updates alright.?!


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Update: VAR installed in the house - seems to be working well, I tested it yesterday and last night. Haven't had a chance to put the other in the car yet, hopefully this weekend. 

Nothing else of note really. There were a few work related texts - which incidentally were not deleted from her phone and one 20 minute phone call - which was deleted. I'm sure I'll know more once the VARs are going while I'm not home or in the car. Interestingly she also told me she had a dream in which I cheated on her, which I found amusing. She then proceeded to ask me if I'd ever cheat on her. I laughed it off as cooly as possible as I don't want to give away any information.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> Update: VAR installed in the house - seems to be working well, I tested it yesterday and last night. Haven't had a chance to put the other in the car yet, hopefully this weekend.
> 
> Nothing else of note really. There were a few work related texts - which incidentally were not deleted from her phone and one 20 minute phone call - which was deleted. I'm sure I'll know more once the VARs are going while I'm not home or in the car. Interestingly she also told me she had a dream in which I cheated on her, which I found amusing. She then proceeded to ask me if I'd ever cheat on her. I laughed it off as cooly as possible as I don't want to give away any information.


That's her guilt talking.

Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth closed.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you should actually go back to your face and look in her eyes and tell this " how could i ever cheat on you and then look into your eyes and tell you i love you" then look at her reaction.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

inlimbo80 said:


> Update: VAR installed in the house - seems to be working well, I tested it yesterday and last night. Haven't had a chance to put the other in the car yet, hopefully this weekend.
> 
> Nothing else of note really. There were a few work related texts - which incidentally were not deleted from her phone and one 20 minute phone call - which was deleted. I'm sure I'll know more once the VARs are going while I'm not home or in the car. Interestingly she also told me she had a dream in which I cheated on her, which I found amusing. She then proceeded to ask me if I'd ever cheat on her. I laughed it off as cooly as possible as I don't want to give away any information.


Projection.

You are pursuing the right course of action.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Limbo,

You will have your answers probably before you get home from work on Monday or Tuesday.

Deleting some stuff and not others is another red flag.

Just remember. You do not reveal how you find out anything


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

inlimbo80 said:


> Update: VAR installed in the house - seems to be working well, I tested it yesterday and last night. Haven't had a chance to put the other in the car yet, hopefully this weekend.
> 
> Nothing else of note really. There were a few work related texts - which incidentally were not deleted from her phone and one 20 minute phone call - which was deleted. I'm sure I'll know more once the VARs are going while I'm not home or in the car. Interestingly she also told me she had a dream in which I cheated on her, which I found amusing. She then proceeded to ask me if I'd ever cheat on her. I laughed it off as cooly as possible as I don't want to give away any information.


My wife did the same thing while she was in an EA with a guy from her gym. She asked ME if I was cheating on HER. 

I also traveled a lot overnight around that time. That is what made me suspicious and it did not take me long to catch her.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

inlimbo80 said:


> Update: VAR installed in the house - seems to be working well, I tested it yesterday and last night. Haven't had a chance to put the other in the car yet, hopefully this weekend.
> 
> Nothing else of note really. There were a few work related texts - which incidentally were not deleted from her phone and one 20 minute phone call - which was deleted. I'm sure I'll know more once the VARs are going while I'm not home or in the car. Interestingly she also told me she had a dream in which I cheated on her, which I found amusing. She then proceeded to ask me if I'd ever cheat on her. I laughed it off as cooly as possible as I don't want to give away any information.


Well, there you go.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You have already discovered enough to prove an EA in my opinion. Also by them making coffee dates, the amount of texts, the deleted phone calls and now her asking you about cheating, a PA is likely. Be prepared for the worst.


----------



## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

One thing my WW would do when she needed to contact OM would be to send me to the store or on a random errand to give her time. Thats one thing that started to get my antenna twitching. The errands became unnecessary in my opinion, and rediculous. PA was mostly confirmed (at least to me) when I sneaked back in the house early, crept to the end of hall, and overheard a comment to OM that insinuated intimacy. Also, if that wasnt enough, I could tell by the TONE of her voice, even when talking about work stuff, that she was into the bastard. Figure out a way to hear a conversation, and you'll just KNOW.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How goes it, @inlimbo80?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Any new developments?
@inlimbo80 -We all get a little concerned when a poster just stops like you have done. Are you OK?


----------



## Todi (Aug 5, 2013)

destroyd said:


> One thing my WW would do when she needed to contact OM would be to send me to the store or on a random errand to give her time. Thats one thing that started to get my antenna twitching. The errands became unnecessary in my opinion, and rediculous. PA was mostly confirmed (at least to me) when I sneaked back in the house early, crept to the end of hall, and overheard a comment to OM that insinuated intimacy. Also, if that wasnt enough, I could tell by the TONE of her voice, even when talking about work stuff, that she was into the bastard. Figure out a way to hear a conversation, and you'll just KNOW.


After my Wife's first EA and other transgressions over the years, it was only a VAR that finally gave me the proof necessary to move forward with my divorce. She definitely got better and better at hiding things from the beginning.

I totally understand the TONE of her voice you mention. I will never forget that TONE I heard on the VAR, even though I only caught a bit of the conversation as they walked away from the car chatting...


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

TDSC60 said:


> Any new developments?
> 
> @inlimbo80 -We all get a little concerned when a poster just stops like you have done. Are you OK?


Thanks for the concern, I am OK. Have not been intentionally ignoring my thread - just have been very busy with work. I have installed the VARs. Nothing of note yet, haven't seen any contact between the W and OM. She may be talking to him at work. 

Did have a bit of slip up where she saw a message backup app on her phone and questioned me about it. I brushed it off as I was doing backups on the phone and grabbing her pictures for my computer. Not sure she believed me, but I wasn't ready to say more yet. Hope I didn't push it too far underground. 

Looking back through the phone records, I did see a "dark night" when I was away a few months ago. She texted him, then no other texts or calls all night (VERY unusual for her). Then another call midday the next day. Not sure how much other information I can get from this. Just going to wait on the VAR's to show something.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

More importantly Limbo what has she done to make amends to you, to your relationship....frankly regardless of the VAR, i still think that you need to expose this


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Looking back through the phone records, I did see a "dark night" *when I was away* a few months ago. She texted him, then no other texts or calls all night *(VERY unusual for her)*. Then another call *midday the next day.* Not sure how much other information I can get from this. Just going to wait on the VAR's to show something.

Oh yeah, Red Storm Rising


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> Thanks for the concern, I am OK. Have not been intentionally ignoring my thread - just have been very busy with work. I have installed the VARs. Nothing of note yet, haven't seen any contact between the W and OM. She may be talking to him at work.
> 
> Did have a bit of slip up where she saw a message backup app on her phone and questioned me about it. I brushed it off as I was doing backups on the phone and grabbing her pictures for my computer. Not sure she believed me, but I wasn't ready to say more yet. Hope I didn't push it too far underground.
> 
> *Looking back through the phone records, I did see a "dark night" when I was away a few months ago. She texted him, then no other texts or calls all night (VERY unusual for her). Then another call midday the next day. Not sure how much other information I can get from this*. Just going to wait on the VAR's to show something.


A suspicious person could think he spent the night, no texting necessary.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> Looking back through the phone records, I did see a "dark night" when I was away a few months ago. She texted him, then no other texts or calls all night (VERY unusual for her). Then another call midday the next day. Not sure how much other information I can get from this.


Unless you know what her last text said, before they spoke by phone the next day; there are two possible scenarios.

He was involved with his wife and couldn't communicate by phone.

He was meeting up with your wife and didn't need to text or call.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Xenote said:


> you should actually go back to your face and look in her eyes and tell this " how could i ever cheat on you and then look into your eyes and tell you i love you" then look at her reaction.


*No*......*HER GUT* is acting up. It is telling her something is up. Do not touch the belly-button volume.

Her cheating intuition is red, itchy and flaring...making her twitchy and nervous. Do not tempt the devil.

Watch your body language and tone at this moment.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

I would bet paycheque that this is PA. Just been down this road 8 months ago. Your story sounds a lot like mine just I don't work away. It was with a coworker of hers. Listen to what these people are telling you. A VAR is how I got my answers, then I cracked her email and found a naked picture of her that she sent to him, it was in her sent folder that she never thought of deleting. Once I had that I nailed her to the wall. Pictures speak a thousands words, especially when they are naked and sent to the OM lol!!! Good luck and remember....cool calm and colective
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I deleted a thread jack that was started by a post suggesting that the OP file for divorce, then have sex with his wife in a manner specifically to humiliate and punish her. After doing this to his wife, it was suggested that he hand her the divorce papers.

Folks, suggesting things like that to an OP is against forum rules. It’s a bann-able offence. No one was banned at this point. 

The thread jack stops now. If it’s continued, all how engage will get a nice long ban.

{Speaking as a moderator.}


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I deleted a thread jack that was started by a post suggesting that the OP file for divorce, then have sex with his wife in a manner specifically to humiliate and punish her. After doing this to his wife, it was suggested that he hand her the divorce papers.
> 
> Folks, suggesting things like that to an OP is against forum rules. It’s a bann-able offence. No one was banned at this point.
> 
> ...


Not to mention lead to a contested divorce, where the OP gets a female judge that makes him pay alimony , child support, and pay for the house he can't even live in. Don't do that just no.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

If you got some good spyware on the phone is should do a lot. I don't know what you have but check out mspy.


----------



## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Just checking to see how your doing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

I am OK, nothing really new to report, just waiting to see what the VAR's reveal as I am away at the moment.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I deleted a thread jack that was started by a post suggesting that the OP file for divorce, then have sex with his wife in a manner specifically to humiliate and punish her. After doing this to his wife, it was suggested that he hand her the divorce papers.
> 
> Folks, suggesting things like that to an OP is against forum rules. It’s a bann-able offence. No one was banned at this point.
> 
> ...


Not only is it an evil idea it is also monumentally stupid as it would automatically negate adultery as grounds for a divorce as if you have sex with a spouse after you discovered they were cheating the legal position is that your are seen to have forgiven their cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Don't worry guys and girls, I won't be following that advise as I'm not insane.


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

inlimbo80 said:


> Don't worry guys and girls, I won't be following that advise as I'm not insane.


Ah, but crazy people don't believe they are


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Originally Posted by inlimbo80: 
Don't worry guys and girls, I won't be following that advise as I'm not insane.





Malaise said:


> Ah, but crazy people don't believe they are


Crazy people have more than one person in their head. The dominant [at the moment] person does not feel 'they" are crazy.

When the plural "Ghosts" in the attic switch seats, the Command Line: A:\Ghost> is typed and all Hell is leashed on the user-interface.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You seem to be doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Mouth shut - eyes and ears open.


----------



## inlimbo80 (Oct 16, 2016)

Thanks all for the smiles/laughs! I'm living in a constant state of limbo (as per my username I guess!), and trying my best to keep a positive outlook. Honestly the thing I'm most concerned about is my daughter, she is my world. Everything else is secondary.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

inlimbo80 said:


> Thanks all for the smiles/laughs! I'm living in a constant state of limbo (as per my username I guess!), and trying my best to keep a positive outlook. Honestly the thing I'm most concerned about is my daughter, she is my world. Everything else is secondary.


Mr. Limbo...Rush............. do not hurry. Keep up the good work. 

Yet, another painful thread. Please keep us in pain, we are not from the Government.
....................................................................................................................................................................

*Children are blood*. A permanently locked-in Covenant Bond.

*His Wife is brood*. She can be replaced by another hen. She is a Convertible Bond and not an Indenture Bond.

She may have violated the Marriage Contract. If so, then it is Null and Void.

The fact that she is vigorously communicating with another man is grounds for firing up the love-nest. Now a[*Sink*ing feeling] for the Garbage Disposer. They say coffee grounds are good for gray [waste] water?

I don't know about marital grounds. However, once the [sink hole] Truth comes out......*the gray water will turn Black*...........sad thing......... this.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I think you are are doing fine. Have you reviewed your legal actions if you divorce, have you explored the concept of the fog? 

As to OM, if you expose first expose to his company, not her's. At the very least his company will insure he goes no where her company. I recall a similar case 20 years ago in a company I worked for. I came in one morning and overheared a gentleman at the reception desk asking for the VP of sales. When I came into work the next day the POSM desk was cleared out, but as he was on a company sponsored VISA he was out of the country!!!! The VP asked the BS to please notify him if he decieded to expose at work inform him so he couod send a letter of apology to the company the actions of his employee. Is it possible his company will ignore you, yes but that would be the actions of fools.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Mr. Limbo...Rush............. do not hurry. Keep up the good work.
> 
> Yet, another painful thread. Please keep us in pain, we are not from the Government.
> ....................................................................................................................................................................
> ...


Sun Mars, how insulting can you be? "Wives are brood and can be replaced by another hen" it is that kind of thinking that ruins marriages. Marriage from where I come from is a covenant bond too in the eyes of God. :wtf::wtf::


----------



## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

how about a keylogger? look into that, but you got to have full access to the phone.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@inlimbo80

I am in the Hall Closet, hiding from @aine

Any more news for the Lame Stream Media?


----------



## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

straightshooter said:


> Limbo
> 
> Women involved with other men physically or emotionally do not wait weeks in between contact. You can take it to the bank that if she has banged him or is he n an EA the contact will be pretty much daily in some form. Especially if it is relatively new when the excitement and new relationship thrill is at its zenith.
> The VAR will do the trick. She may be waiting to meet him until you are gone but the planning is going on all the time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With that she may be using work email or a secret email account to contact him the most. 

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> @inlimbo80
> 
> I am in the Hall Closet, hiding from @aine
> 
> Any more news for the Lame Stream Media?


SuncMars, you can come out now :grin2:


----------

