# H speaking on the phone for 40 and 80 min with another woman



## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

WTF. My husband has been blogging online then starts a private email conversation with some woman. I see the emails and they seem like there are times where the woman references things not in any of the emails so I confronted him about this and shared my concerns about him talking about our marriage with another woman. He said nothing was going on. That they haven't exchanged phone numbers. Then I find her phone number in his cell. They have had multiple calls but what really set off the alarms was the length of the calls. One was for 42 minutes at a time my H said that he needed to go out to the store while I was working on my college homework. Then there was an 80 minute long call between them. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. I FEEL BETRAYED. He lied about exchanging phone numbers which leads me to exactly why I felt concerns about him reaching out to her from blogging to email. You don't do that if it is strictly a social outlet. Neither do you start having those kinds of lengthy phone calls when our marriage is in so much trouble. I'm at a point where I want to say screw this and walk a way. So WTF...


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Sorry, Kelly. Those are definitely red flags - especially the lying about not exchanging phone numbers.

Have you confronted him about that lie yet?

My now ex used to talk to his AP in the car and while walking around outside in the yard, claiming to be doing yard work. I realized this after I caught him with the irrefutable proof of a text she sent him one night while I sat next to him and his unguarded phone and saw it, and when he didn't respond to her right away because he was lamely trying to explain what a text from a woman I don't know that says "Please don't call me tomorrow. I'm too upset with you to speak with you right now." means, she called him.

After that, I remembered all the times I'd step outside to find him talking in a hushed tone on his cell phone while sitting in his car in the driveway and he'd say he was talking to his sister or a male friend.

I'd say the lie and the two long phone calls with this same person are enough to confront him with. He is at least definitely having an EA. 

How long have you been married? Do you have any kids?

Sorry you're here.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Yes, definitely an EA. Is he still watching the porn and still declining to have sex with you?


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## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

18 years and two teens. I'm at a point where confronting him is not going to change anything. He knows I'm suspicious and have my doubts about him. He will just turn it around on me that my jealousy is causing a gap between us. I'm really done. I'm planning now for the worst so I don't become worse than I all ready am as far as devastation goes.


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## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

Yep as far as I know he is. Can't catch it because now he clears his internet history. I'm done. I've given so much to try to fix my short comings and he wins. I'm done.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What significance does his blogging have? What does he blog about?

Does the OW follow his blog?


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

You've confronted him with solid evidence. My gut tells me he thinks it's ok because you aren't going to to anything about it but complain. What are the consequences? He's not being intimate with you (he's got porn or OW) and you haven't filed for divorce. Time to plan your exit. 

Sorry you're going through this.


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## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

I don't know. He's been verbally abusive to me during the majority of our marriage and I didn't realize it but everytime he said "there is the door leave anytime you want" I dismissed it as not controlling himself especially when he apologized later. He's wanted me to go for years and just never had the balls to be straight with me at least not fully straight. It's depressing to have spent all these years with someone who simply doesn't t care.


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## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

Yep time to go out that door.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Kelly, sounds like he left the marriage years ago. But he still lives in same house as you. 

There are key loggers to catch the activity on the computer, but as you said confronting him is not going to change anything.

This may not apply if both of your teens are boys, but if you daughter (later in life) was in this situation, what would you advise her to do?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

If you want to catch him outright its called a VAR short for Voice Activated Recorder. Buy 1 strap it under his car seat with Velcro. Make sure it has Lithuim batteries in it. Wait two days and then collect it. You will probably have your answers.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Kelly:( said:


> I don't know. He's been verbally abusive to me during the majority of our marriage and I didn't realize it but everytime he said "there is the door leave anytime you want" I dismissed it as not controlling himself especially when he apologized later. He's wanted me to go for years and just never had the balls to be straight with me at least not fully straight. It's depressing to have spent all these years with someone who simply doesn't t care.


Please find some time to google 'emotionally abusive relationship' and 'narcissistic personality disorder' Something tells me, you're not jealous at all, and that you have grown conditioned to believing the manipulative BS he says. My advice, find a good lawyer, and protect yourself. If you choose to leave, these types are very hard to break free from, they are vengeful, mean, and get ugly when they are being abandoned by their victims. I dated one and he stalked me for two years after the breakup. AFTER the breakup, he was still haunting me, even though during the relationship, he treated me like crap. I hope you take care of yourself, and do some research on what you're dealing with, because it will help you in how you react to him going forward. ((hugs))


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kelly your WH is emotionally abusive and is cheating on you with at least an EA. Time for you to take action:

1.You need to get evidence (although it seems you already have), collect more with a VAR.
2. and see a lawyer to see what your options are with regard to alimony, spliting the assets, etc
3. start looking for other places to live (that can be liberating)
4. tell all your family and friends about what you have found out, shame him and blow his crap out of the water- no more covering for him, it is not your shame, it is his. Tell your grown kids also what their father has been doing all these years
5. See some counselling to help you with the emotional abuse and with forward steps
6. do the 180 and emotionally detach from him
7. stop doing everything for him, no laundry, no cooking, no nothing - tell him this is the life he has to look forward to because you will no longer tolerate his BS and OW and porn in your life, he cannot make you leave the house. Ensure you move money into a private bank account to live on
when you have your ducks in a row, leave him and divorce him

Do not let him know you are doing any of this


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