# Tired of doing everything RANT



## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

Why is it everything is my job? My husband never helps till he is mad that I haven't got it done. most days I'm lucky if he helps get the trash out on trash night. I'm so tired of doing everything for him and around the house. I help him get everything, his stuff for his shower, his clothes for work. even help him put on his shoes since he can't reach them anymore. _I literally do everything for him_. He says he is depressed because of his weight but won't do anything about it. I'm tired of getting everyone ready to leave everyday and he never helps with any of it. He just sits there and expects me to do it all. I am so tired of it! I know that when we get divorced I will still be doing it all but just for my kids which I'm ok with. that's my job as a mother and I know at some point they will be doing stuff for themselves (they already do some, they are almost 6, 4 and 2) But I shouldn't be raising them and him at the same time. 

I have put up with so much with him. his cheating, his anger problems, and his crazy family. and doing everything. and after all that I still feel like he doesn't appreciate me or respect me at all. so why am I still here? I'm so ready to be done with all of this. I want to find someone who will respect me. I feel like we got married because we were having a baby and we stayed together because he liked me doing stuff for him and for the kids. but now I have reached my breaking point. I woke up one day I realized I can't live like this anymore. I want more for me and my kids. _I want to be happy and feel loved_ I am worth more then how he has treated me.

I feel bad because things have been better. things have change some. but only thing that has changed is that he doesn't talk to other girls anymore, and even then I don't know for sure about that or how long that will last. and I don't want to sit here wondering about who he is talking to anymore. I can't keep doing this.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Well, nothing is going to change until YOU change. I know you have been told over and over just to stop doing for him, but YOU have not changed. You trained and allowed him to be this way. And if he was this way when you dated, you should have known he will not change on his own. 

You must be an awesome mom who has a lousy husband. Stop treating him like he is your fourth child and maybe he still stop acting like your fourth child. 

To be honest, you doing everything for him does not help him or you, especially if he was a severe weight problem. But you know that already. :frown2:


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Well, nothing is going to change until YOU change. I know you have been told over and over just to stop doing for him, but YOU have not changed. You trained and allowed him to be this way. And if he was this way when you dated, you should have known he will not change on his own.
> 
> You must be an awesome mom who has a lousy husband. Stop treating him like he is your fourth child and maybe he still stop acting like your fourth child.
> 
> To be honest, you doing everything for him does not help him or you, especially if he was a severe weight problem. But you know that already. :frown2:


he wasn't this bad when we were dating. I have tried to get him to do stuff on his own and he gets mad because "you know I can't do it!" sometimes i feel like its just an excuse for him to be lazy. 

I know I have been wrong about how I have done things, I am working on changing. just wish he would start changing too.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MWPP731 said:


> he gets mad because "you know I can't do it!" sometimes i feel like its just an excuse for him to be lazy.
> 
> I know I have been wrong about how I have done things, I am working on changing. just wish he would start changing too.


Yes, he is lazy. He is just like my dad. My mom did everything for him. In their old age, she still walks the track every day. He aged two decades more than her (they are same age) because he never exercised. My mom has to tie his shoes. He gets mad  about everything.

Don't be like my parents. :nono:

Unless he has a medical condition, stop doing for him. And even if he has a medical condition, you need to significantly reduce what you are doing for him. 

He won't change until (after) you do. :smthumbup:


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

MWPP731 said:


> Why is it everything is my job? My husband never helps till he is mad that I haven't got it done. most days I'm lucky if he helps get the trash out on trash night. I'm so tired of doing everything for him and around the house. I help him get everything, his stuff for his shower, his clothes for work. even help him put on his shoes since he can't reach them anymore. _I literally do everything for him_. He says he is depressed because of his weight but won't do anything about it. I'm tired of getting everyone ready to leave everyday and he never helps with any of it. He just sits there and expects me to do it all. I am so tired of it! I know that when we get divorced I will still be doing it all but just for my kids which I'm ok with. that's my job as a mother and I know at some point they will be doing stuff for themselves (they already do some, they are almost 6, 4 and 2) But I shouldn't be raising them and him at the same time.
> 
> I have put up with so much with him. his cheating, his anger problems, and his crazy family. and doing everything. and after all that I still feel like he doesn't appreciate me or respect me at all. so why am I still here? I'm so ready to be done with all of this. I want to find someone who will respect me. I feel like we got married because we were having a baby and we stayed together because he liked me doing stuff for him and for the kids. but now I have reached my breaking point. I woke up one day I realized I can't live like this anymore. I want more for me and my kids. _I want to be happy and feel loved_ I am worth more then how he has treated me.
> 
> I feel bad because things have been better. things have change some. but only thing that has changed is that he doesn't talk to other girls anymore, and even then I don't know for sure about that or how long that will last. and I don't want to sit here wondering about who he is talking to anymore. I can't keep doing this.


He controls you by using his negative emotional reactions against you. Your negative reaction to this feeds him. Control you and you can disarm him. He knows that he can get upset and you will do things for him, regardless. Why would he change?

Empathize with him and you can learn how to take the pressure off of your shoulders. When you do this, the answer will be obvious. When you then take the appropriate action, you have to allow him to become upset.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Have you tried telling him. Say, "honey, I am exhausting having to take care of everything so to make sure I don't become ill or depressed I AM cutting back. You're an adult and are capable to getting yourself ready in the morning." Then just don't do anything for him.

As for what to do about his cheating ..... well, divorce worked well for me.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

MWPP731 said:


> Why is it everything is my job? My husband never helps till he is mad that I haven't got it done. most days I'm lucky if he helps get the trash out on trash night. I'm so tired of doing everything for him and around the house. I help him get everything, his stuff for his shower, his clothes for work. even help him put on his shoes since he can't reach them anymore. _I literally do everything for him_. He says he is depressed because of his weight but won't do anything about it. I'm tired of getting everyone ready to leave everyday and he never helps with any of it. He just sits there and expects me to do it all. I am so tired of it! I know that when we get divorced I will still be doing it all but just for my kids which I'm ok with. that's my job as a mother and I know at some point they will be doing stuff for themselves (they already do some, they are almost 6, 4 and 2) But I shouldn't be raising them and him at the same time.
> 
> I have put up with so much with him. his cheating, his anger problems, and his crazy family. and doing everything. and after all that I still feel like he doesn't appreciate me or respect me at all. so why am I still here? I'm so ready to be done with all of this. I want to find someone who will respect me. I feel like we got married because we were having a baby and we stayed together because he liked me doing stuff for him and for the kids. but now I have reached my breaking point. I woke up one day I realized I can't live like this anymore. I want more for me and my kids. _I want to be happy and feel loved_ I am worth more then how he has treated me.
> 
> I feel bad because things have been better. things have change some. but only thing that has changed is that he doesn't talk to other girls anymore, and even then I don't know for sure about that or how long that will last. and I don't want to sit here wondering about who he is talking to anymore. I can't keep doing this.


It sounds like he doesn't want a wife, he wants a mommy or nanny. Too many people don't realize that love and respect go hand in hand.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> As for what to do about his cheating ..... well, divorce worked well for me.


How can you cheat when you can not even tie your own shoes? :scratchhead:


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> How can you cheat when you can not even tie your own shoes? :scratchhead:


I thought that but wasn't going to go there...


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You tight his shoe lace?

No wonder the guy is so fat. You do everything for him, he has no need to do for himself. 

Dump him and carry on with your life. It would be so much easier.

My lord, the things us women do to keep a man.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

WhyMe66 said:


> It sounds like he doesn't want a wife, he wants a mommy or nanny. Too many people don't realize that love and respect go hand in hand.


Thats how I feel. I'm here for the sex when he wants it (well I was, I haven't been wanting to do anything with him recently) and to clean house and take care of him and the kids. I never get a break


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Stop acting like a doormat and maybe you'll stop being treated like one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

MWPP731 said:


> Thats how I feel. I'm here for the sex when he wants it (well I was, I haven't been wanting to do anything with him recently) and to clean house and take care of him and the kids. I never get a break


I wished I had more words of comfort and guidance... Typical, my STBX is sending me to Hell on a bullet train, I can't do or fix anything; this madness called "my life" is out of control. Yet I can spot problems others are having eazy peazy. Damn.

Sounds to me like you need a spa day topped off by a massage by a man with a spooky resemblance to Ryan Reynolds.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

brooklynAnn said:


> You tight his shoe lace?
> 
> No wonder the guy is so fat. You do everything for him, he has no need to do for himself.
> 
> ...


yes, I hate it. he use to do stuff on his own but the more weight he gained the more he couldn't do. so everything fell on me. I feel like his slave


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

I feel done. I'm sitting here planning my out, getting my ducks in row. now its just the matter of do I let him try to fix it or just call it quits.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I vote for divorce. I have no pity on fat lazy people. Let him be miserable by himself.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

So to recap

1. You have three little kids and a house to take care of all day
2. your WH expects you to treat him like a little kid and do all for him too
3. He doesn't lift a finger to help you at all
4. He has cheated on you, how was this dealt with? Swept under the carpet? counselling? marriage counselling?

No wonder you are so filled with resentment. it is time for you to sit your WH and tell him some home truths

he must lose weight 
he has to help around the house

I would suggest you pack up the kids and yourself and take yourself back to your home town for a 2 week holiday, let him fend for himself and see what happens. I did that once though I left the kids and went home, my H was very appreciative of what I did after I came back. Some men need to experience it for themselves before they catch on.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

OP, are you familiar with the 180? Have you tried any of this? Give it a try, if he notices and alters his behavior, then you might have a better idea of whether or not he's willing to put any effort into salvaging you marriage. The 180 is usually recommended for couples dealing with infidelity and allows you to detach from an unhealthy relationship (which it sounds like you have). Sometimes, the BS notices your independence and decides to come back to the marriage and work on it. Sometimes they don't.

Remember one person can not save a marriage, it must be a two-man operation. He uses you, and you permit it. Both of you have to change. I put a link about the 180, and a second link for Codependent No More, which I suggest you read.

SurvivingInfidelity.com - Frequently Asked Questions for the Betrayed Spouse

Codependency No More -


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

Pluto2 said:


> OP, are you familiar with the 180? Have you tried any of this? Give it a try, if he notices and alters his behavior, then you might have a better idea of whether or not he's willing to put any effort into salvaging you marriage. The 180 is usually recommended for couples dealing with infidelity and allows you to detach from an unhealthy relationship (which it sounds like you have). Sometimes, the BS notices your independence and decides to come back to the marriage and work on it. Sometimes they don't.
> 
> Remember one person can not save a marriage, it must be a two-man operation. He uses you, and you permit it. Both of you have to change. I put a link about the 180, and a second link for Codependent No More, which I suggest you read.
> 
> ...


No, what is the 180? I will try anything

ETA: read the links thanks!!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

MWPP731 said:


> I feel done. I'm sitting here planning my out, getting my ducks in row. now its just the matter of do I let him try to fix it or just call it quits.


He wont fix it. You need to STOP everything you are doing for him, and yes, get your ducks in a row to get out.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

If you want to stay married to him then this is what you should do firstly, STOP DOING THINGS FOR HIM. He is a grown man! If he can't reach his feet then he will have to wear slip on shoes or something. How in the world does he think pregnant women put on their shoes? I for one had a seriously hard time, and yes, my husband helped me sometimes, but usually I wore a shoe that I could easily slip on. Or you could help him with the shoes sometimes but make sure you don't do anything else. Sit down with him and tell him where this is going in your relationship and how you want out, how you're tired. Tell him you want a husband and not a grown kid..divide responsibilities in the house and tell him that you expect him to do his part. You two go to counseling, whether it's individual or couple. 

If you still want out after this then, well, he had it coming. You deserve to be happy too.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MWPP731 said:


> I feel done. I'm sitting here planning my out, getting my ducks in row. now its just the matter of do I let him try to fix it or just call it quits.


Say no more. You are done. 

Plan this very carefully down to the last detail. Who lives where, the finances, sharing the children, talk to a divorce lawyer. Do this quietly and with a clear head. Do not get angry. People break up, it is not the end of the world. 

It will be a new beginning for you and the kids *and not with him*.


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