# Coparenting with X. Problem with GF!



## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

I'm coparenting my two beautiful kids (D11 and S9) with my ex-wife, a week at the time. In spite of what happened, X and I are on OK terms in what I call a negociated peace. Kids have digested the separation and this new lifestyle pretty well, better than I expected actually.

So then I met my current GF. We hit it off really well, talk a lot, have fun, sex life is great, etc. She has a D (who never met her father) same age as mine , and everybody likes everybody. We even go places and travel as one big happy family.

Thing is, GF, who normally has a pleasant disposition, really seems to hate X's guts, without ever speaking to her. She only saw her once and that was at my dad's funeral... GF has completely demonized X, assuming all kinds of bad stuff, like trying to turn the kids against her (not) and intervening with my/our life (I don't see that either).

Example. Recently X and I agreed that I would take care of the kids during 2 weeks in September when she plans a trip. No problem for me, she'll take them for the 2 following weeks. GF hears of this, blows up and demands that we follow strictly the week/week schedule because I actually "enable X's ridiculous lifestyle" and so on. 

I'm out of arguments. Sometimes it feels like I have to be X's advocate when GF acts this way, which I resent.

Thoughts on why GF is acting this way and how to handle these (recurring) blow outs? Would be greatly appreciated.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

OP, I feel bad that you are having to deal with this. Seems like you and your ex have a good system in place and she is not really causing you problems with the kids or your relationship. That is what is troubling. What is the gf going to do when she does cause a problem? 

I think you need to sit your gf down and tell her your ex is your ex for a reason and that there is nothing between you and her but being parents. Tell her upfront that for the benefit of your kids your ex will always be a part of your dynamic and she needs to respect that. She also needs to not intervene on what you have arranged with your ex with _you_r kids. Since the father of her child is not around she doesnt seem to grasp how this is difficult for you. I doubt she would want her new guy telling her what to do with her setup with an ex and her child.

I think really be honest in how this is affecting you and that you do care for her and want this to work for the both of you. Hopefully after speaking to her and making her see your pov she will look at things differently. If not than you have a tough deciscion to look at. Good luck.


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## Tall (Feb 19, 2014)

I have a bit of a similar situation, only I think my GF is slightly more sane than yours. She's very jealous, and will appear distanced when I am heading off to do exchanges, or meet X for any reason. But she won't comment, and gets over it quickly.

You just need to be strong. Tell her your boundaries, and be firm about it.

"When it comes to co-parenting my kids, I call the shots. "

She can take that, or leave it. I suspect that once she has a clear-cut boundary, she will stop pushing.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I was writing this when the other comments were posted, so I'm really just echoing what's already been said.

I have three children still at home - two of them going between houses.

To me, it seems like your girlfriend's behavior comes from a place of insecurity. 

And I understand that because, even though I'm seeing someone I adore, knowing that my ex-husband's girlfriend and her children are spending time with my children makes me uncomfortable. It's not 'wrong', it's just not what I would do. But my 17 year old asked my opinion about it, and I told her if she was good with it, that's what mattered.

Having said that though, I do think your girlfriend is out of line. I have absolutely no clue what your relationship is like, but it seems she thinks she has a lot of authority and say-so. Does she? Have you given her that power?

Cause my boyfriend isn't entitled to make any calls when it comes to my children.

To me, your girlfriend's options are more like:

1. Support your decision making.
2. Tolerate the situation.
3. Leave the relationship.

But that's just me, and everyone's different. You have to decide what your boundaries are with your ex-wife and with your girlfriend.

If being flexible is good for you, then that's the priority, IMO. You're the father and the one who's ultimately responsible.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Here is what I would do. 

First, I would have a serious conversation with your current girl and flat out ask her if:

a) she is willing to accept you, your children and the ex as being part of your life. Yes or No answer. If No, it's time to leave/find someone else.

Sorry but when it comes to children, that's THE ONLY circumstance under which it's ok (not only ok but VERY important) to have a good/healthy relationship with Ex.

b) express how important your children are to you and a good standing relationship with ex FOR YOUR CHILDREN. See what she says on this subject (gauge her response).

c) I would ask her to develop and build a relationship with your Ex (nothing crazy, they don't have to be best friends etc). I would flat out tell her this is VERY important for you and your children!!!

d) this is the most important one (and under assumption that she agrees to all of the above). Watch her and pay attention to her actions!!! If she does not recognize the importance of this and doesn't take steps forward to accept your Ex in your life..........you know what you have to do next.....it's time to find someone that will.

I'll be honest with you OP. This entire situation is a REALLY hard test on EVERYONE INVOLVED. BUT the good thing is that if it does work out you all will reach one of the summits/peaks of maturity/adulthood.

This is NOT easy for any of you.

Whatever you do, do what's best for your children, but certainly consider your relationship as well (both are important).


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You should let your girlfriend know that in most cases you find that in divorces the Ex's are at each others throat and the kids are caught in the middle. 

In your case, both you and your ex have shown maturity and put your differences aside to make sure that your children are as stable as the situation allows. That it the most important thing and your girlfriends problem is that she never had to deal with it since her ex is not a part of her daughters life.

Let the woman know that you will not let her rock the boat and cause any kind of problems. Your plan works and that's the most important thing. If she can't understand that then you have a problem with her and you better deal with it quick.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Do not let this woman ruin your working relationship with the kids mom. You will be co parenting for the rest of your life but this woman,GF, will likely go at some point and then you would be left with the aftermath. 

I had a similar experience but with my brother. He hates my x and with good reason. Had my brothers wife treated him the way I was treated I would hate her to. But at shared birthday parties he would make comments about her being there, I invited her, and they were getting to the point that he was going to say something to her. Finally pulled him aside and said look I think this woman, my x, is trash as well but my love for my kids trumps any hate I have for her. It's important to them she is here so she is. I told him to control himself or leave. He piped down. 

If you can keep a calm working environment with your x then do so for your kids sake.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You don't give any timings... How long have you been separated? Divorced? Dating your GF? Living with your GF?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

I thank you all for what are indeed empathic, rational, wise and mature answers... much like my GF would say EXCEPT on this topic.

I'm a rational man myself (and a lawyer to boot...) so I explained my POV in extenso. You are all right, when it comes to my children, the final decision IS mine. She doesn't deny this, but continues to accuse X for intervening in my/our life with all kind of assumptions. And me being X's doormat for tolerating this.

Validating her feelings, active listening, looking for compromises, ... nothing works so far in the long run. Every few weeks/months, the topic is back on the table.

We actually broke up for a few weeks because of me standing my ground (and I wasn't pleased at all with her hostile way of arguing either). Then she seemed to recognize what she had done... and we reconciled. But a few days ago, the dreaded topic was showing its ugly head again.

I guess she should understand by now I'm not going to budge. 

<sigh>

I agree with Minimal the root of the problem may be found in GF's insecurities that I didn't succeed to unveil yet. She for one denies this. Maybe later.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

PBear said:


> You don't give any timings... How long have you been separated? Divorced? Dating your GF? Living with your GF?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bomb drop Nov 2012.
X moves out 2 months later.
I file April 2013.
Relationship with GF since June.
Divorce finalized Sept.
GF and I each in our own house.

Why do you ask?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So she doesn't even live with you, and you've only been dating for 9 months? That's even more of a big red warning flag...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I'm divorced/remarried and can tell you that I went through some people along the way and learned that what you're describing is full of red flags. The kind that only hide and burst later. I wish you the best of luck but somehow I don't think you'll find it with her.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If you have gone as far as you can with active listening, seeking to understand, etc., then it is time for limits. Just stick to yours. She will accept them or leave you. Either way, you will be okay.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Red flags all over this. This is the real her. Do you like what you see? You'll see more of it if you keep seeing her because she is going to try and run your life too. 

Time to move on. Now you know the purpose of dating, to decide what you like and don't like. It's not to latch on to the first woman who is nice to you. :=\
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Your gf is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable. I'm gobsmacked to be quite honest!

I'm stepmum to my husbands daughter, and at least in front of their daughter, he has a cordial relationship with his ex wife. I get along with her better than he does, lol, and most of the time she deals with me...it's what works for us. 

That said, there are times when the two of them have to discuss things relating to their daughter, alone, and it's never been (and never will be) an issue.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I tend to think your gf is out of line here. But I'll throw these things out just in case:
Is there any chance you appear to have weak boundaries with your ex?
Has your ex done anything to pick at your gf? Women do petty, snarky little things all the time that men don't always pick up.

If these answers are no, a serious convo is in order and if you can't work this out it might be best to part ways. Have you directly asked your gf what it is that bothers her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

6301 said:


> You should let your girlfriend know that in most cases you find that in divorces the Ex's are at each others throat and the kids are caught in the middle.
> 
> In your case, both you and your ex have shown maturity and put your differences aside to make sure that your children are as stable as the situation allows. That it the most important thing and your girlfriends problem is that she never had to deal with it since her ex is not a part of her daughters life.
> 
> Let the woman know that you will not let her rock the boat and cause any kind of problems. Your plan works and that's the most important thing. If she can't understand that then you have a problem with her and you better deal with it quick.


Now THAT's about the most sensible thing I ever heard. Tx 6301!


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

jld said:


> If you have gone as far as you can with active listening, seeking to understand, etc., then it is time for limits. Just stick to yours. She will accept them or leave you. Either way, you will be okay.


And this is EXACTLY how I feel. Tx for so much empathy jld :smthumbup:

I am working on the acceptance part (on GF's side). I would even settle for an "agree to disagree" on this topic. We had a talk on the do's and dont's of conflict handling in a relationship the other day... the article quoted in the "conflict thread" posted by SA came in handy 

I'm gonna give some time though. I'll keep standing my ground on this one but I'm not in a big hurry to kick her out just because of this. Focussing on the bad 10% is just not who I am. 

And like you said, if it comes to a take it or leave it situation, she's free to go.

Like DoF said earlier, this IS a hard test, but if it works out, we'll all be more mature/adult than before. Very much like that philosophy.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I tend to think your gf is out of line here. But I'll throw these things out just in case:
> Is there any chance you appear to have weak boundaries with your ex?
> Has your ex done anything to pick at your gf? Women do petty, snarky little things all the time that men don't always pick up.
> 
> ...


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

What are alternatives that she has suggested? If she doesn't think you and your ex should have the kids week on/week off, what does she expect? In regards to your communication with your ex, what does your GF think should be different exactly? Instead of having a general sort of view that you and ex are doing things wrong, ask her to give you specific thoughts on how she thinks things should be different. Does she think you and the ex should be arguing more? Does she think you should be inflexible with each other in regards to arranging holidays? Why does she think this? Ask her if she was co-parenting with an ex, how would she like to be treated by that ex?

Just thought I'd add that I don't expect you to know all the above, but if your GF is logical and intelligent most of the time except over this subject, I think you need to get her frontal lobe working on examining her feelings on this subject.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

breeze said:


> What are alternatives that she has suggested? If she doesn't think you and your ex should have the kids week on/week off, what does she expect?
> 
> *No this is a reality and she's fine with it.*
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I would step very slowly with this relationship, your GF is way out of line.

Ex and I co parent, 50/50 and are not only amicable but also remained friends. We celebrate life events as a family. I made it very clear from day one with my partner that this is how life was with ex and I, he has nothing to be concerned about and that I would always be open and honest about the situation.
We now ALL celebrate together, Christmas, birthdays etc, me, my partner and his kids, the ex and our kids plus other members of my family. 

It is very possible to do as long as all the adults involved are reasonable and rational people. Doesn't sound like your GF is that way inclined OP.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Holland said:


> I would step very slowly with this relationship, your GF is way out of line.
> 
> Ex and I co parent, 50/50 and are not only amicable but also remained friends. We celebrate life events as a family. I made it very clear from day one with my partner that this is how life was with ex and I, he has nothing to be concerned about and that I would always be open and honest about the situation.
> We now ALL celebrate together, Christmas, birthdays etc, me, my partner and his kids, the ex and our kids plus other members of my family.
> ...


Wow. Highly commendable if this works for you guys, but I don't think it would for me/us.

Amicable working relationship with X, yes, but I have no ambition to be actual friends with her or to pretend like we're one big happy family. I don't think the kids could stomach it either. Maybe later.

One time, X witnessed the interaction between GF and my son... that didn't go down very well either. People told me X was crying about it afterwards. So no, I don't think we're ready for anything more than the current situation.

BTW, I stumbled on a thread called "My partners exW is a *****". Some of the things you said about the ***** in question actually reflect what GF says she thinks about my ex LOL.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

minimalME said:


> To me, it seems like your girlfriend's behavior comes from a place of insecurity.
> 
> And I understand that because, even though I'm seeing someone I adore, knowing that my ex-husband's girlfriend and her children are spending time with my children makes me uncomfortable. It's not 'wrong', it's just not what I would do. But my 17 year old asked my opinion about it, and I told her if she was good with it, that's what mattered.


You are more in my X's place, so it seems. She's also quite uncomfortable about us spending time as a "new" family. She only mentioned this once tho... we talked about it and she seemed to accept it as the new normal. But she still doesn't like it.

As I said, you're probably right about the insecurity thing. Some of our friends and family have mentioned that X and I get along this well, why divorce in the first place? Which is another matter entirely of course, but still... Thinking about this after getting the imput of you guys... could it be that GF has the same thing on her mind?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

EasyPartner said:


> You are more in my X's place, so it seems. She's also quite uncomfortable about us spending time as a "new" family. She only mentioned this once tho... we talked about it and she seemed to accept it as the new normal. But she still doesn't like it.
> 
> As I said, you're probably right about the insecurity thing. Some of our friends and family have mentioned that X and I get along this well, why divorce in the first place? Which is another matter entirely of course, but still... Thinking about this after getting the imput of you guys... could it be that GF has the same thing on her mind?


The difference is that I know it's my problem, and I don't try to make life unpleasant for anyone because of how I feel.

I don't like it, but I'm the one who chose to divorce, and this is a consequence.

My ex-husband and I get along very well too, and we used to do things the way Holland's family does. He's pulled away from that, and it's something I accept.

I'm truly glad that he's happy - I don't see myself as having been a good wife to him, so hopefully he'll have a more fulfilling relationship now.

Whatever your girlfriend is going through is for her to sort out. It seems like you've made a genuine effort to do what you can.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

minimalME said:


> The difference is that I know it's my problem, and I don't try to make life unpleasant for anyone because of how I feel.
> 
> I don't like it, but I'm the one who chose to divorce, and this is a consequence.
> 
> ...


Dang that's exactly what my X says, to me or people I know... you're sure you're not her?? :scratchhead:


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

EasyPartner said:


> Dang that's exactly what my X says, to me or people I know... you're sure you're not her?? :scratchhead:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I can only say that when I met my hb I felt he had very poor boundaries with his ex wife. They would talk about their personal lives, go on family trips together, he was very close to her family. He would've told you they were just friendly but I didn't buy it; she resented giving up the emotional place in his life when I came into the picture and would make those little comments I talked about in my last post. I almost dumped him a few times over this; did I want him to be on poor terms with her? Of course not. I coparent with my ex too so I get it, I just felt the boundaries were poor and perhaps he hadn't really moved on yet. I don't talk about my personal life with my ex and I certainly don't take trips with him, and we get song ok. Fortunately his boundaries have tightened up, though there are still times I think they're not great, but their daughter is now grown so the kid excuse is gone and as such he has a lot less reason to deal with his ex. Maybe your gf senses something like this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I can only say that when I met my hb I felt he had very poor boundaries with his ex wife. They would talk about their personal lives, go on family trips together, he was very close to her family. He would've told you they were just friendly but I didn't buy it; she resented giving up the emotional place in his life when I came into the picture and would make those little comments I talked about in my last post. I almost dumped him a few times over this; did I want him to be on poor terms with her? Of course not. I coparent with my ex too so I get it, I just felt the boundaries were poor and perhaps he hadn't really moved on yet. I don't talk about my personal life with my ex and I certainly don't take trips with him, and we get song ok. Fortunately his boundaries have tightened up, though there are still times I think they're not great, but their daughter is now grown so the kid excuse is gone and as such he has a lot less reason to deal with his ex. Maybe your gf senses something like this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't take that from my partner either.

It could very well be that GF perceives the situation this way... but in an extreme way. No way I would go on "family trips" with her and nothing too personal either. Kids, arranging the holiday shedules, horse. That's it. I think she'd prefer we had no communication at all; just like she and her daughter's father actually. But that's not what's gonna happen.

Glad you guys worked it out :smthumbup:


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your priority is the happiness and well being of your children.
You already handed them a lousy situation (divorce).

The question is, is the GF's attitidue a threat to their happiness and well being? I think it is.

Thus, I know what I would do.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Hicks said:


> Your priority is the happiness and well being of your children.
> You already handed them a lousy situation (divorce).
> 
> The question is, is the GF's attitidue a threat to their happiness and well being? I think it is.
> ...


Mmmm... there's a bit more nuance to it than that.

I agree the kids' wellbeing is of the utmost importance.

They didnt care about the divorce. The separation, on the other hand, they werent pleased with at all. Theirs mother's choice. Although I recognize and own my mistakes and my part in the failing of the marriage.


And I have to give to GF: she's been very good to my kids. She knows I never would tolerate her to harm them in any way. Which she doesn't.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Is that you in that pic OP or is that the guy from Depeche Mode (David?).


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I thought it was Hugh Jackman?


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

EasyPartner said:


> ...I am working on the acceptance part (on GF's side). * I would even settle for an "agree to disagree"* on this topic.....


No, don't apply that here. This affects your kids too, so "agree to disagree" isn't good enough. Either the GF gets it or she gets lost.

You have to be firm with how you are handling this particular situation. From how you describe it, you and your EX have been accommodating when it comes to how you handle the kids. Your GF may jeopardize that...do not allow that to happen; she's not worth it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have received some very good input. I second just about everything said. 

I do have some experience in this area as I have am the step-mom of two. They came into my life at age 10 and are now 24 and 26. My husband step-parented my now 25 year old son. I was their full-time mom as my husband had 100% custody and their mother only had limited visitation. They only saw their mother for Xmas and a vacation in the summer (her choice).

You have only been dating for 9 months. This is probably as good as it gets. 

One of the biggest concerns I see is that she is saying things to put your ex down to your children. This is a cancer that will only get worse with time. I would never, ever have allowed my husband to bad mouth my son's father to him. I in turn would never bad mouth the mother of my step children. Doing so is an attempt to harm the children for perceived self-gain.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You have received some very good input. I second just about everything said.
> 
> I do have some experience in this area as I have am the step-mom of two. They came into my life at age 10 and are now 24 and 26. My husband step-parented my now 25 year old son. I was their full-time mom as my husband had 100% custody and their mother only had limited visitation. They only saw their mother for Xmas and a vacation in the summer (her choice).
> 
> ...


This is a good point. I can easily see a scenario where your boundaries might be a little weak and/or your ex takes little shots at your gf; let's fact it, most women don't like being replaced even if they don't want you. They like to think you're pining for them. Her putting down mom to the kids though is a whole different issue; you can't tolerate that. Even if she has legitimate gripes with your relationship with your ex that has nothing to do with your kids. I think my hb's ex can be a snarky b!tch but I would never talk trash to their daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

On top of the obvious harm any badmouthing of their mother could have on the children (if that has happened at all) is the inevitable conclusion about a person's character you can draw from them doing such a thing. If at any point GF were to do this, or has done this, it says a great deal about the sort of person she is, and I would seriously question whether such a person should be involved in the raising of your children, or any children for that matter. It is a definite sign of a lack of integrity.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

EasyPartner said:


> Wow. Highly commendable if this works for you guys, but I don't think it would for me/us.
> 
> Amicable working relationship with X, yes, but I have no ambition to be actual friends with her or to pretend like we're one big happy family. I don't think the kids could stomach it either. Maybe later.
> 
> ...


My partners ex has diagnosed mental health issues, does your ex wife? If so the whole situation needs to be handled in an even more careful manner. Even so as a ring in I would never tell my partner how to co parent, it is a boundary that should not be crossed.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> You are more in my X's place, so it seems. She's also quite uncomfortable about us spending time as a "new" family. She only mentioned this once tho... we talked about it and she seemed to accept it as the new normal. But she still doesn't like it.
> 
> As I said, you're probably right about the insecurity thing. Some of our friends and family have mentioned that X and I get along this well, why divorce in the first place? Which is another matter entirely of course, but still... Thinking about this after getting the imput of you guys... could it be that GF has the same thing on her mind?


From what I've read, yes it sounds like your GF is insecure about your relationship. Is it possible that you're giving some mixed signals (inadvertently) about your feelings towards your exW?

My exH's GF was kind of like this (info which I gathered from what our children said). She was/is clearly insecure about their relationship which did cause a few problems. I believe they've sorted it now. 

For details like accommodating your ex's changing plans, maybe you could say "Yes, that should be possible, let me check and see if my GF and I have plans first." If your GF feels like her feelings are being considered, maybe she'll stop reacting badly.

Concerning the bad-mouthing of your exW to the children, that's a big NO NO. My children told me that my exH GF had spoken in a disparaging manner about me with respect to a change in plans (same old story) and that they did NOT appreciate it. My daughter ended up telling her this (politely) and that was the end of it. I also did tell my exH that it would be in his best interest to ask his GF not to make comments in front of the kids about problems which concern our co-parenting issues if he wanted to keep peace in his home and have his kids around. He fully agreed.....

Sorry this is so long! Recap: your GF wants to be the main woman in your life. She wants you to have her back and put her feelings first, with respect to your exW.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

DoF said:


> Is that you in that pic OP or is that the guy from Depeche Mode (David?).


Very observant sir DoF! Some people say I look like him. But without the hard drug addiction 

Anyway, great music too, and since ur not supposed to show actual pictures of urself, it gives u an idea how I look. Personal touch.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

minimalME said:


> I thought it was Hugh Jackman?


Hah! I wish... wasn't he elected the most handsome man in the world?


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> Hah! I wish... wasn't he elected the most handsome man in the world?


He was voted sexiest man alive...


I remember that when my H and I were courting, I told him: H, they haven't seen YOU yet....

Ok, I'm off topic and threadjacking... Sorry.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Holland said:


> My partners ex has diagnosed mental health issues, does your ex wife? If so the whole situation needs to be handled in an even more careful manner. Even so as a ring in I would never tell my partner how to co parent, it is a boundary that should not be crossed.


X's mother def had some borderline traits... so gf says it must be genetic 

Im not a doctor but I don't think so.

According to gf, any woman who chooses to leave her seemingly perfect husband, perfect children (for half the time), beautiful home and solid finances to go and live the life of a 20 yo must be a headcase.

I should introduce her to TAM


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

breeze said:


> On top of the obvious harm any badmouthing of their mother could have on the children (if that has happened at all) is the inevitable conclusion about a person's character you can draw from them doing such a thing. If at any point GF were to do this, or has done this, it says a great deal about the sort of person she is, and I would seriously question whether such a person should be involved in the raising of your children, or any children for that matter. It is a definite sign of a lack of integrity.


I agree wholeheartedly with what you and other posters are saying on this subject. And no, GF doesn't badmouth X in front of the kids. She may be a little volatile but understands this is a definite no-no.

In the 10 months we have been together, I can only think of one minor glitch, which is more anecdotic than anything IMO. X had said to the kids she didnt like the car I bought (my convertible would't accommodate 5 + luggage so I needed a bigger one for travelling and family outings). Kids find this funny, and repeated it back. GF's immediate response was "Then mummy must have no taste". Well if she didnt say it, I would have. Its a Jag FGS. Kids were ROFLOL... nobody disses daddy's car :rofl:

Mummy never said anything about the car again.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Omego said:


> From what I've read, yes it sounds like your GF is insecure about your relationship. Is it possible that you're giving some mixed signals (inadvertently) about your feelings towards your exW?
> 
> My exH's GF was kind of like this (info which I gathered from what our children said). She was/is clearly insecure about their relationship which did cause a few problems. I believe they've sorted it now.
> 
> ...


THIS. Sounds like excellent advice. Gonna implement that and see what happens. It may indeed be that simple... so why didnt I get it earlier.

Good boundary towards X as well.

Tx :smthumbup:


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> THIS. Sounds like excellent advice. Gonna implement that and see what happens. It may indeed be that simple... so why didnt I get it earlier.
> 
> Good boundary towards X as well.
> 
> Tx :smthumbup:


Glad to be of help! My H always did this even before we got married and it worked out well.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't think it's any of the gf's business at this stage, how the OP and his ex parent the kids, or when they have them.

She is only a gf...they're not living together (that would be different). 

I'm a stepmum and was once just dads gf. I didn't get involved in things like this back then, it wasn't my place. 

When I moved in with my now husband, and took on a bigger role in his and his daughters life, things slowly changed with regard to my input on things like this.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I don't think it's any of the gf's business at this stage, how the OP and his ex parent the kids, or when they have them.
> 
> She is only a gf...they're not living together (that would be different).
> 
> ...


Hmmm... I dont think a message like "you're only my gf so know your place" would do any good in the situation... we may not live together but she still is my partner, not a random date or fling.

Anyway, after ample reflexion I don't think it has anything to do with the kids but all the more with the triangle me - GF -X. Omego nailed it a few posts back.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> Hmmm... I dont think a message like "you're only my gf so know your place" would do any good in the situation... we may not live together but she still is my partner, not a random date or fling.
> 
> Anyway, after ample reflexion I don't think it has anything to do with the kids but all the more with the triangle me - GF -X. Omego nailed it a few posts back.


Lol, of course you don't say that to her, and you have to manage it sensitively. 

At the end of the day, for your children's well being, it's critical that you have a cordial, flexible relationship with their mum. Your gf has to accept that.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Lol, of course you don't say that to her, and you have to manage it sensitively.
> 
> At the end of the day, for your children's well being, it's critical that you have a cordial, flexible relationship with their mum. Your gf has to accept that.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Wasn't gonna say that frusdil 

And ur right of course.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

EasyPartner said:


> Very observant sir DoF! Some people say I look like him. But without the hard drug addiction
> 
> Anyway, great music too, and since ur not supposed to show actual pictures of urself, it gives u an idea how I look. Personal touch.


I love Depeche :smthumbup:


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