# Wow, this is tough...



## missinglife (May 1, 2012)

*Posted this in general discussion and although I knew I was opening myself up to criticism, I suppose I expected people to understand a bit more. I am really looking to find out if people feel as I do...I KNOW I can't be alone in this feeling...

Long story short: 10+ years of marriage and 3 young children. I have been restless and unhappy and went seeking an affair. Had a brief one that was okay, nothing to write home about. Thought (very abstractly) about another, when H found out.

I hate that I hurt him, but there are reasons I did this, some I understand, some I don't. And we are going to seek counseling and all of that, but I don't know that I want to be married any more. It's a good marriage, by most accounts. We see eye to eye on most things, we are friends, and there is no lack of attention or affection from him. I just don't want it any more and I don't know why. I ache from wanting to touch other people and experience true heart-pounding desire again.

And I hate living up to someone else's expectations all the time, whether they are real or perceived. I will always have to be accountable to my children, but I no longer want to be accountable to any other adults besides myself. I want to run my household my way, and just BE ALONE!!!

So many stupid little things about him bug me and I know full well it's me, not him. I know that. He hasn't changed, but I have. A lot. My views and ideals have changed immensely and what I think I want from my life has changed a lot. I don't want the trappings of a house and material goods. It all seems so damn overwhelming all the time.

We will give this a try, we will see if we can make it work. But I just don't know....


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

You need to copy this and show it to your husband. He might give you what you are wishing for. I know I would.


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## missinglife (May 1, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> You need to copy this and show it to your husband. He might give you what you are wishing for. I know I would.


Thanks. But he knows. I haven't written a word here that I haven't said to him. We are in a truly interesting phase in our relationship, trying to figure out if we can be happy together.

It will be a long, hard road, I know. Hard on both of us, in many ways.


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## mompres (May 1, 2012)

If you really don't want to be married to him anymore than you should move on. It's not fair to him for you to be having affairs and it's really wrong for him to be stuck with someone who doesn't want him. I would have sympathy if it wasn't for the affairs. You need to be an adult and commit to the marriage or move on.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

i would just be completely honest to him, that is what i've learned,,,,then you can maybe think about being with another person but first finish what you have with him or be alone for a while and dedicate time with your kids and for yourself, then maybe you'll find out what you really want...good luck =)


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Is your longing for "heart pounding desire" important enough to justify damaging three young children for the rest of their lives? The only way to keep experiencing "heart pounding desire" or the ability to touch other people is to abandon monogamy in favor of an endless series of transient sexual relationships. Your feelings would naturally change in any long term relationship. Different aint bad, it's just different.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

If you're trying to reconnect while harboring all the doubt expressed in your post how can you hope to give a 100% effort?You must see something worthwhile there for you on a personal level or you would already be gone.Marriage can end amicably,so what's really stopping you? Sounds like you're kinda lost and trying to find your way and I hope you do.jmo


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## t_hopper_2012 (Apr 17, 2012)

You stated in another thread that your parents were divorced, kept it amicable and that "Yes, we kids had some immediate effects but no lasting long-term damage."

I think that the facts show differently. With cold calculation, you sought out an affair that a) has hurt your husband deeply and will continue to hurt him for years and years, b) uproot your children from the stable home they've known all their lives and c) likely cause the end of your marriage. You've done all this and yet, you feel no remorse, no guilt. Just sadness that you are surrounded by this stinking mess.

I'd say that your parents' divorce caused deep and long lasting damage to you and now, you are doing this same thing to your children.


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