# Apology letter...goes around comes around



## undeserving (Apr 28, 2011)

Newbie here. Been lurking for few months and hesitant to post to get thoughts out of head. Mainly becuase I'm not strong enough for truth. Well, not for 'more' of truth anyways. But, like a child, which is how I feel at moment, you learn from consequences.

I developed an EA with an old Junior High love. We caught back up 20 years later. Both going through mariatal problems. Confided in each other. Made each other laugh, smile. Enjoyed reminicing. His situation moved much faster than mine in his seperation. 

Once he moved into own place, our talks got less. Conversations shorter. I questioned, and deep down, kind of new possibly there was 'another' EA or even PA going on. Oh...and live about hour apart. Anyhow, the dreaded Facebook was the tell tale sign once I was blocked. Blocked as he was doing same with me, to a few others. The one lady I pretty much figured was the 'full-timer' was also a friend. Me and another lady poster of his profile were blocked. When quesitoned he said he became a person he didn't like has hurt many people and that he needed to elimate all distractions to get his head on straight. That when he get's his head right, he will get a hold of me to talk.

Well, the other lady has linked him as to being in a relationship with him. He blocked me and other girl I believe as for us to not find out. When ever this girl would post pics of all them, etc, he would delete right away. I guess I'm curious as to why this girl would put up with it too. After all, he was treating her worse then us since she was more 'full-time'.

Anyway....to all who have been cheated on...I personally have gotten a taste of that sickening feeling in the stomach, the lump in throught, feeling like I could vomit nonstop right now. But feeling that way as I know his soon to be ex, I think blamed me. Well, his story anyway. And, now that the boomerang has come back full circle, I truly, deeply, from my heart, feel this urge to apologize to her.

Is that even right? I've never been in this position. Ever. I will admit, I seriously never want to feel this way ever again. And I'm sure it's a small portion of what his stbx felt at time. I know she has moved on as well. 

For all of you hear, that were cheated on....my deepest and utmost sincere apology. I never ever thought an EA, once ended, would be so painful. And rightfully so for such wrong doing. Please let me know if it is appropriate to apologize to her even though she has moved on.

Thank you.


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I talked to my wife's EA partner a few days ago. Supposedly it is over, from both of them. He apologized. I did appreciate the apology. 

I would send the letter to her. Don't expect her to become buddies with you or anything. I would never become friends with this scum, but it did something having him apologize.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

wait... make sure Im clear....

so you are married, and you were having an affair with a man who was also married.... He left his wife, and you found out this man was having multiple affairs with multiple women whom you know... Instead of choosing to continue his affair with you... He blocked/dumped you and went with another one of the women... ? You are still married? and your asking if you should apologize to this man's wife?

is that right?


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Oops! I got through that and somehow forgot the part she was married also. Oh boy, I must have fried my brain in the tanning bed. 

The one you need to be apologizing profusely to is your HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm confused. Are you married? 

So you had an EA with a guy who was married, he separated from his wife and then later you found out he had several EAs going at the same time but somehow the wife found out about you and blames you for the end of their marriage?

Is that right?

I'm trying to think here... in my situation... I have said many times I would LOVE for the OW to call me so we can compare stories/timelines, and then some days (like today) I wish I never ever knew a single thing about her, like I could banish her from my mind. So based on that feeling I am having today, No I would not want to hear from her. Her apologizing to me would seem like a bigger slap in the face. "I am sorry I f-cked your husband." Um, no taht wouldn't fly with me. I have wanted many times to somehow telepathically tell her that while she wasn't the sole reason we divorced, she played a HUGE part in it and that I will never think she wasn't somehow tied into the reason we ended this way because she happened to be around RIGHT when we separated...and later was still in touch w/ him after the fact.

But anywhoo... I think you should *not* contact her. She has been through enough. She probably hates you and always will. If she sees that you were the reason they split, it's doubtful she'll ever think of you kindly.

If you are married, I think you need to tell your husband.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Girl, I am sorry that you are in this emotional mess. My husband stepped out first, if you want look up my threads. I am guilty of an ea/pa, my husband had an ea, ea/pa, and another ea, I feel like an idiot posting on here as a former DS, for yourself I believe you need to expose this to your EA's wife, come clean to your husband, tell her what you know, not for yourself, but you seem to some degree realize what has happened. I get to a certain degree how in your affair fog you are hurt from the EA's betrayal, you will come out of that. There is no justification for what we former WS have done, it is wrong hands down. The best you can do is get rid of it and move on, and pray that your husband can forgive you, and if you are willing to work on your marriage, and he is, move forward from there. I must say as a FDS, I am sorry for all of you LS, it is a ****ty thing to do, and I apologize for all of the hurt that I caused and all of the hurt you have all went through. I read through all of the LS threads and comments and it has really helped me realize what an *******y ********* I was.


----------



## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Ok,

"I developed an EA with an old Junior High love. We caught back up 20 years later. Both going through marital problems." 

is the only mention of your husband in your entire post. I think this fact is exactly where you need to start.


----------



## undeserving (Apr 28, 2011)

Yes H knows, but due to finances cannot separate and have decided to try an be amblicable and get things in order.

I don't have any incling of become buddies, friends or what not with OW. Just trying to say, one doesn't know how it truly feels until done to them. I've learned that the hard way. Embarrassed, ashamed, and yes, much of being a failure. I wasn't raised permiscuous, never believed in cheating. I honestly at first, did not 'veiw' my conversation at the time as an EA. More I educated I realized. Just as I was learning/realzing I get what felt like a slap to the face. What I deserved, yes. I believed what I thought was sincerity. At least it came out as such. Even though not physcial, the feeling of being used as such, is no different. I was/am a fool.

I believe he (OM) was bouncing an EA between me and another. I beleive the other was actually physical. And when she caught on, he all of sudden felt remorse and said he needed to get rid of distractions. Funny thing is, neither of them are divorced yet either. Irrelavant here....I honestly just wanted to know if a simple note to OW of me saying I was sorry for emotionally connecting to her then DS, was appropriate. As I said, how I'm feeling right now, I know is a small piece of what she felt at time. Yet, I think my EA and his 2nd EA/PA were both caught by her. Obviously SHE is the one better off.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No. Don't do it. Leave it alone. You already said "she has already moved on."

So don't make her revisit the pain by offering a pity apology because that is what it will come across as.

And you can bet your bottom dollar she is not "over it." If she thinks YOU were involved at all in the breakdown of her marriage, you are going to do more damage than good by reaching out to her, rocking her world and shaking it once again.

Let her be.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and I just wanted to add... until your husband cheats on you, you can't relate to her. 

Sure, you prob felt a stab or an inkling of what she felt but it's nowhere near to the betrayal she experienced since it was her own spouse that did this to her, the person she married. In your case, it was a lover who had other lovers and a wife who played you. I get that you feel hurt by it but do understand, it's not even in the same lexicon of what was done to her.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

It would be like me saying that my OM cheated on me with his wife....


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Ya and that's what I was trying to explain there.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Just work on getting out of the fog girl, things will be clearer then.


----------



## myhope (Dec 9, 2010)

i wanted an appology.

not sure if i would have believed it, or how i would have felt after i got it.


----------



## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

why aren't you apologizing to his wife?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think I'll apologize to W's ex boyfriend for cheating with his girl friend.

After all he did ask my wife not to talk to other guys when he thought they were getting serious. (what an idiot)

Wife had to remind boyfriend she was married. OM reply " can you at least shower before you come over.

No apology in the world can excuse infidelity so why bother.


----------

