# My BF Is Still Married



## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we are expecting our first child together. He is still legally married. He and his "wife" went down to the courthouse to file for divorce in March. He was originally the petitioner but she switched it so that she is. Their divorce is pro se and uncontested. Thing is, they have only filed and she is delaying and shows no sign of completing the process. I cannot even reveal to anyone that I'm pregnant because she is psycho.

I'm just really frustrated. I feel like nothing is being done to get this divorce finalized. I am the one that has made phone calls and kept up with it and she just acts clueless. And well my boyfriend, he IS clueless when it comes to things like that.

What should I do? I think an ultimatum is a bit harsh but feels like my only option at the moment.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

:scratchhead: What kind of ultimatum do you expect to give your BF which would force his wife to complete the divorce process?

Telling her you're pregnant might just piss her off enough to complete the process.

I mean, you can't hide the fact you're pregnant forever, can you?


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

If she finds out I'm pregnant, we know that will give her more reason to NOT complete the process just out of spite.

The only ultimatum I can think of is leaving him but I do not see how that will do any good as they will probably end up back together and I will end up a single mom. Even if they don't get back together, that ***** will get exactly what she wanted, me out his life.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Tell your boyfriend to re-file as the petitioner; if his wife doesn't show up for hearings, tell him to have the judge issue a bench warrant for her.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

Constable Odo said:


> Tell your boyfriend to re-file as the petitioner; if his wife doesn't show up for hearings, tell him to have the judge issue a bench warrant for her.


That's another 60 day waiting period and more money he has to shell out (he paid for the originally filing too). But I guess that's just what we will have to do.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

pistal said:


> So there's a chance they could reconcile. I was worried about that. Maybe that's the reason neither one of them is moving forward on the divorce.


Sad but true. He says he doesn't want anything to do with her, blah blah blah. But as mentioned above, if they both really wanted this, it would have been completed ages ago.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This why dating and or living with married men is a very bad idea.

Have you seen the actual pappers that he filed with the court stamp on them.

It is not common at all that a judge would allow changing petioner. Me, I'd go to the court house and pull the divorce records to see what is really going on.

Does he have any children with his wife?


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

I'm so confused. I'm just wondering where this leaves me. Do I wait it out and just put up with the "It's your Wife" texts, the "Well I'm still your wife" bull****, or... what else is there?

They'll probably never divorce.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> Have you seen the actual pappers that he filed with the court stamp on them.
> 
> 
> Does he have any children with his wife?


I had helped him fill out the original papers as petitioner but as I mentioned it before, she filed her own papers as petitioner. I know it's been filed because of the Public Records website.

Yes, they have children together.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You are right they may never divorce. You have been with him for 2 years, he could have had it done and over by now, even if she did all she could to postpone and delay. It would have taken anywhere from 90 days to a year max. 

My guess is the wife will dig her heels in even further when she finds out you are pregnant just to chap your @ss. And your BF will allow it because he is addicted to drama and disfunction.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

kristin2349 said:


> My guess is the wife will dig her heels in even further when she finds out you are pregnant just to chap your @ss. And your BF will allow it because he is addicted to drama and disfunction.



Yes!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lovinghimforever said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we are expecting our first child together. He is still legally married. He and his "wife" went down to the courthouse to file for divorce in March. He was originally the petitioner but she switched it so that she is. Their divorce is pro se and uncontested. Thing is, they have only filed and she is delaying and shows no sign of completing the process. I cannot even reveal to anyone that I'm pregnant because she is psycho.
> 
> I'm just really frustrated. I feel like nothing is being done to get this divorce finalized. I am the one that has made phone calls and kept up with it and she just acts clueless. And well my boyfriend, he IS clueless when it comes to things like that.
> 
> What should I do? I think an ultimatum is a bit harsh but feels like my only option at the moment.


No offense intended, but did your relationship w/ your boyfriend begin as an affair? Do he and his wife have children together?

Either way, she may be delaying the process for no other reason that ensuring that your child is viewed as illegitimate.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

GusPolinski said:


> No offense intended, but did your relationship w/ your boyfriend begin as an affair? Do he and his wife have children together?


No, it was not an affair. They had been separated for years when he and I started dating. He says the only real reason they got married was to fix some child support issues they had, which answers your next question.

She just enjoys the control she has with being married to him. She knows that he cannot purchase anything (like a house or car because in TX, it's legally half hers) or build a real life being still married to her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lovinghimforever said:


> No, it was not an affair. They had been separated for years when he and I started dating. *He says the only real reason they got married was to fix some child support issues they had*, which answers your next question.


Damn. Smart.

(Not! LOL...)



lovinghimforever said:


> She just enjoys the control she has with being married to him. *She knows that he cannot purchase anything (like a house or car because in TX, it's legally half hers) or build a real life being still married to her.*


That's only if separation papers were never filed.

Sounds like he has a crappy lawyer. Yes, that's a joke.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You didn't exactly go into this blind. The fact that they had been separated for years and not divorced is a huge red flag. So you are two years into a relationship and now pregnant. You are now fully enmeshed in their dysfunctional family circus, who the ring leader is depends on your perspective at this point.

You say the wife enjoys the control, that must mean your boyfriend enjoys being controlled. I'm not sure what it says about you:scratchhead: You are pretty much at her mercy and it doesn't seem like your BF is going to step up. You are bringing a child into this mess.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

In Texas there is no legal separation. And there is no alimony.... is he currently paying his child support on time? Those might be issues for his wife. 

Do you work? If so, I would consider leaving him. Cut him off, no talking, no sex, no nothing. Tell him to come see you AFTER the divorce. He can file, and uncontested in Tx is only 60 days. I did it...no lawyer necessary. Total cost was $300, that includes filing fee, cost to have ex served, and $75 for an attorney to approve of the settlement agreement before going to court. (The judge required that...I guess so that people don't screw themselves.)

But.... I THINK that in Tx you cannot have a DIY divorce when there are minor children. I also THINK that parenting classes (for divorce purposes) are mandatory. Has he even done the homework? Google it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many children does he have and how old are they?

How long ago did he leave her?

From what you wrote it sounds llike you and he filled ouf the divorce paperwork. But his wife filed first.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

It seems like I have a story or had every crazy issue because of my ExGF... 

Yet again this is another issue I was dealing with my ExGF over the length of 2 years before breaking up with her.. 

I'm not gonna sugarcoat this for you.. I will leave that to someone else.. 

If you are below the first trimester get an abortion.. 

This divorce issue is NOT his WIFE problem *( BTW doesn't sound retarded that we are talking about his WIFE, that he has a WIFE STILL )*.. 

This is HIS PROBLEM... 

Hopefully this will make it clear for you.. 

My Ex wife had the affair.. I BEGGED and BEGGED and CRIED and CRIED not for her to leave.. 

She wanted a divorce and was leaving me for this other man.. But she wasn't doing anything to get this divorce.. 

Me, I went.. Crying and sobbing to my lawyers office... It was me that gave her the divorce papers crying and sobbing.. AGAIN begging her not to go.. Not to leave.. Not to do this.. 

But eventually after several iterations of this paperwork she signed it.. 

She called me one day a year later.. Mind you we have 2 kids together and I have physical custody of both of them.. But that is another story.. 

But nonetheless she called me a year and since I knew the kids were with me this day.. I have to be completely honest that maybe she just wanted to to talk finally and clear the air between us.. Mind you she completely destroyed our relationship and we never talk.. I live my life as she never existed and deal with my 2 boys like she has no say or part in their lives because she really doesn't.. Because that is how she wanted it.. It was her choice..

But again I digress.. Nonetheless she called me and said hey where is the 55 thousand dollars you were suppose to give me.. I am here at the office and they said your lawyer never did the QUADRO.. I stuttered for a second and felt stupid and angry. But I recovered and said you know the lawyer did it.. You seen it, you signed it.. Let me get back to you and I will get some answers..

But your thinking in your head WTF is the point of this guys story.. 

It simple.. 

No matter how distraught.. No matter how suicidal I might have been ( and yes I had those thoughts ).. No matter how depressed I was.. I STILL DID WHAT I HAD TO DO... 

IT WAS ME... NOT HER.... IT WAS ME THAT WENT AND GOT THIS DIVORCE.. 
IT WAS ME THAT FILED.
IT WAS ME THAT WENT TO COURT..
IT WAS ME THAT TOLD HER SHE HAD TO TAKE HER SON WITH HER WHEN I WAS PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR A SON THAT NEVER LEFT MY HOME..

I DID EVERYTHING WHEN IT CAME TO THIS DIVORCE..

So you saying this woman this and this woman that means sh!t.. 

My ExGF told me she was 38 and divorced when we first went out.. 

I come to discover that she was 40 ( not a big deal honestly ) and when she changed it to separated, I discovered she wasn't even LEGALLY SEPARATED.. In her mind because they didn't live together, they were separated.. That is all that mattered to her.. 

After almost 1 year after going out with her, I told her if she wasn't in court before my birthday this June I would not take this relationship serious anymore.. 

She went to court but blamed me for anything and everything that went wrong or not her way.. I forced her to do it. She was doing it for me.. To make me happy.. The minute she got divorced I better have a ring on her finger... 

You're having a baby with a man you described as a PSYCHO... 
What is wrong with you.. 

How old are you ? 18, 20 ?

How old is this man ? 
Why do I have a feeling I am going to hear your 20 and this guy is 35 or something.. 

Again you are looking at the small picture here.. Zoom out a bit and look at the bigger picture of why are you involved with a married man..

BTW, Are you the other woman ? Are you the woman he cheated on his wife with ?

Why are you having a child with someone you described as a psycho.. You cannot change him.. 
Trust me I thought my ExGF would change.. But she couldn't get out of her own way.. Trust me I didn't want to break up with her. But I just knew I had to.. 

Again if you can get rid of this kid I would.. Don't start your life off with a child in this situation..


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

Hardtohandle said:


> You're having a baby with a man you described as a PSYCHO...
> What is wrong with you..
> 
> How old are you ? 18, 20 ?
> ...


I didn't describe HIM as a psycho, I said his wife is a psycho.

I am 31 and he's 33.

I was not the other woman. They had been separated for years when we started dating. They had both been seeing other people that whole time.

And you're absolutely right, he is just as responsible for this as she is.


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> How many children does he have and how old are they?
> 
> How long ago did he leave her?
> 
> From what you wrote it sounds llike you and he filled ouf the divorce paperwork. But his wife filed first.


Their three kids range from the ages of 8-14. They have been separated for about 6 years and both have been seeing other people the whole time. 

Yes we did fill out the divorce paperwork together which made him the petitioner, but when they went to file together (which she insisted on), she changed it as her being the petitioner.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Well, it will be apparent at some point that you're pregnant so it can't be hidden for a very long time, obviously. As to your problem, it's between the two of them and not you. Your only leverage is to walk away and if you don't want to do that then you'll have to wait until (or if) the divorce moves forward.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

lovinghimforever said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we are expecting our first child together. He is still legally married. He and his "wife" went down to the courthouse to file for divorce in March. He was originally the petitioner but she switched it so that she is. Their divorce is pro se and uncontested. Thing is, they have only filed and she is delaying and shows no sign of completing the process. I cannot even reveal to anyone that I'm pregnant because she is psycho.
> 
> I'm just really frustrated. I feel like nothing is being done to get this divorce finalized. I am the one that has made phone calls and kept up with it and she just acts clueless. And well my boyfriend, he IS clueless when it comes to things like that.
> 
> What should I do? I think an ultimatum is a bit harsh but feels like my only option at the moment.


Hmm. Why are you issuing ultimatums and making calls to finalize the process? It's not your divorce, it's your boyfriend's. Shouldn't he be doing it?

He wasn't clueless to get married. Why's he clueless to get a divorce?

The onus is on him. Not on you. Makes me wonder if he wants to get the divorce in the first place?


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## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

Orange_Pekoe said:


> He wasn't clueless to get married. Why's he clueless to get a divorce?
> 
> The onus is on him. Not on you. Makes me wonder if he wants to get the divorce in the first place?


Amen.

Guess my hands are tied here.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yep. You have been taken for a ride. Start preparing to be a single mum. This cheater has no intention of getting a divorce or he is too stupid to do so. Are you sure you want this guy?


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

He should have forced the divorce as soon as you became pregnant, at the very least. And he still must do this, if he intends to be your partner with this baby.


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## SawbladeLily (Oct 26, 2013)

I see you joined this forum in 2009? From your other threads you were married before, and have two children already? Also from those posts, you had children first (at least one of them anyway) and then married, only to have that marriage go south. Now you are involved with a married man, and you are expecting your "first child together". Does he even want another child? You sound as if this is something you plan and think will happen… more children together. However, his track record on dealing with relationships is not great.

Everything I've read is just one red flag after another. This is not a way to develop a stable relationship, it would seem to me. I have to question why you would even begin to think that this man will be involved and stay in a relationship with you. You yourself in other posts told that you were anxiety prone in your previous marriage and that must have been a rocky road. But it looks like you've almost recreated or stepped into the same type of situation. I have to ask, was this a planned pregnancy? And by planned, I mean planned by BOTH of you? Are you absolutely sure the divorce papers and everything have gone the way you think it has. Did you see the papers? Were you there when filed? Or are you taking his word for it all? And why do you think his ex is crazy? If she was that crazy and bad, wouldn't your BF be trying very hard to get rid of her? 

You are already pregnant so you need to deal with this all, but I would recommend you seriously find some professional counseling because you have some deep things to sort out. Just the fact that you have to hide that you are pregnant is not healthy. You know that having kids is no way to guarantee a guy will stick around, and in fact, in your situation it could freak him out and make him run away if he wasn't planning on this or talking about future plans with you. 
My guess would be that this one is not a keeper unless he is going to man-up and take care of everything like he should.


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## Love Pandy (Jul 20, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> You didn't exactly go into this blind. The fact that they had been separated for years and not divorced is a huge red flag. So you are two years into a relationship and now pregnant. You are now fully enmeshed in their dysfunctional family circus, who the ring leader is depends on your perspective at this point.
> 
> You say the wife enjoys the control, that must mean your boyfriend enjoys being controlled. I'm not sure what it says about you
> 
> ...


I completely agree! She knew what she was getting into and acted irresponsible, the "D" must be AMAZING!!! Ha ha! But an Ultimatum is needed....and when I went through a divorce uncontested and I filed all I had to do was show up for court and it was done! What type of games are being played....if it's been filed as they say don't they court dates to uphold! You right this is a circus!!! Pass the peanuts!


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