# Something just dawned on me!!



## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

:scratchhead:

Help me out here. Is this normal for me to feel this way or is this something I really need to think more about.
I do believe that some of the thoughts that creep into my head are not all mind and NOT of the lord so I try to push them back however this one just creapt up and I feel its a something that needs to be looked at more closely.

Do I really want my husband or just don't want him with her. I mean if we broke up because of something else (etc...we grow apart for whatever reason) would I feel the same if he got someone else. BESIDES HER.
Has anyone of you ever had this thought.

He has said to me he doesn't want to see me with anyone else or happy with anyone else. Is the same for me do we not want one another just do not want to see each other with another.
That within it self does not sound healthy. 

In truth I said If he were to get with her I would tell her that when you can't reach him or he SAYS he's with his kids. Think again he'll be with me. He says I wouldn't do it because it's not me:iagree: but it ceratinly sounds good to him (yeah I bet). 

But it just dawned on me while at wk and wanted you guys thoughts on it.
THANKS IN ADVANCE.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I think it is all part of the grief process. You are grieving the loss of your husband and your marriage and your life as you knew. Emotions have a tendency to take over when you are grieving.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> I think it is all part of the grief process. You are grieving the loss of your husband and your marriage and your life as you knew. Emotions have a tendency to take over when you are grieving.


So even though I feel like I'm putting fourth all this effort to make my marriage work and fighting for it the fact that in the not so far back of my mind it's ok for me to wonder if I really want this, can I get over this, this may not be worth it and I just just get out of this now?


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Because I sit with that thought often. Trust in a marriage is important and I don't trust easy. And honestly......I can stay married and enjoy my life with him if this works but I will never fully truat him again. That goes for another man as well. I am really thinking that this whole love or being in love thing is not for me. And sadly I'm becoming ok with that.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SF, yeah I too am wrestling with my shame of realizing I may not actually want to be with my stbxw and maybe at some level didn't do what I knew it would have taken to make things right. Maybe I'm using her actions and damage to the relationship as my chance to exit.

On the other hand, I was still loyal and faithful and willing to work on it, she is wayward anyways, so atleast I'm thankful that its not really something I have to feel bad about anymore. If you are going to fight it is important to know what you're fighting for.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sexuallyfustrated said:


> Do I really want my husband or just don't want him with her. I mean if we broke up because of something else


Now you've got it. What if your husband after stepping out starting begging on his hands and knees for you to accept him and crying about how you belong together.

Would you want him back? 

Sometimes it's the rejection that stings but at the end of the day: do you trust him? Would you be happy with him after what he did? Truly happy?


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Lon said:


> SF, yeah I too am wrestling with my shame of realizing I may not actually want to be with my stbxw and maybe at some level didn't do what I knew it would have taken to make things right. Maybe I'm using her actions and damage to the relationship as my chance to exit.
> 
> On the other hand, I was still loyal and faithful and willing to work on it, she is wayward anyways, so atleast I'm thankful that its not really something I have to feel bad about anymore. If you are going to fight it is important to know what you're fighting for.


I do what it takes to make it work. I was the on who never wanted to get married for fead of something like this but after a yr of being engaged and trying to find reasons not to I thought if after all these yrs( by the time were married it had been 10yrs) I kept saying no or making up excuses. 
You right though. Is this fight for my marriage, my family (kids to have an in home father) or just to piss her off. One thing I almost feel sure about is that he won't leave unless I put him out. And as I stated to him I think he dosn't want to look to his family and friends or mine like a Di*k if he did after I have been through and taken care of him through medical problems. He had said once before that I am the only one (even with his family) that he knows will be there and take care of him that he can trust not to mistreat him, use him and take what ever money he may have. I gotta start praying. And don't stop until I figure this ALL out.
Thx


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Now you've got it. What if your husband after stepping out starting begging on his hands and knees for you to accept him and crying about how you belong together.
> 
> Would you want him back?
> 
> Sometimes it's the rejection that stings but at the end of the day: do you trust him? Would you be happy with him after what he did? Truly happy?


He has done some of that actually. How I've been with him since I was 16. How he remember s watching m walking down the street and what I was wearing when he first saw. That he loves his family and he doesn't know what he would do with us. That I'm beautifula dn he don't know what got into him and he doesn't want to loose me. Even cried and he doesn't do much of that soI know it was really (might I add and ugly:lol joking.

But it's the back and fourth, the resistence I feel when he is supposed to do thing in a timely fashion. Even though I sit back and wait and watch before I speak to be certain of what I'm speaking on. I was starting to allow myself to do things different until I found that found in May. 
Like I said to him that first tim was all him. He had no reason. But the second time i will accept my part in it because I took all the affection out of our marriage after that. When we kissed for 3yrs thre was just a peck. I slept on my side of the bed because while he was in his affair he pulled away and start sleeping that way so I got use to it. When we would have sex I would just lay there. I mean really on my side, no moans no nothing just there and left him finish. Mostly because h barley got Erected and I felt like ok you got up for her but not me. Even though he sai no not all the time and it had a lot to do with the meds.

I honeslt owe it to myself and to him (before he feels that we are making strides and he does right) and then I change my mind.

WHY ON EARTH IS THIS MESS COMING UP NOW. If it anit one thing it's another.......LIFE


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

I think I'm afraid of being happy and the other shoe dropping


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