# When will I move on?



## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

I am a bit of a newbie here. I am two months into my separation and both side doing NC. I am fine most of the times but there are times I still cry. There are times I am confused and there is this slight bit of hope that things will go back to normal. Who am I kidding? Some days, I just feel like the world is falling apart. I sometimes wonder how he can be cold and not miss me. I can't tell for sure what he is feeling but it seems like he feels nothing. Here is my question for those who have more experience.

1. When will this be all over? The triggers, the feelings and the memories.
2. Would legal separation or divorce help stop the limbo I am in? If so, should I initiate or wait until I am done. Will I ever be done?
3. Do we really truly move on? Or do we move on only when we find someone special?
4. If you are the one who left (he left), do you ever miss the other? Do you ever want to go back?


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

Not sure Muriel12, I'm on my second week of living apart from my H. I wish I had the courage to do the NC but its hard with kids and he supports us atm financially so I'm constant contact or just to talk because I miss him dearly which I shouldn't do just makes me miss him more. I believe we do move on eventually, I know I would like to be happy again. I suppose it just depends on the person.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Hey Muriel. Sorry to hear that it's been a rough day.

1. It's different for everyone. Suffice it to say that it takes a while and you're going to have to make peace with it long before it stops.

2. Paperwork, lines and actions will all take away some of the doubt. But it's still sort of early. Give yourself a little more time until you're not in free-fall and then decide what's best for you when you're more even about it. 

3. They say you do. But i'm at about your stage and it feels like chewing glass most of the time. Miss my girl. Your x will always have some space in your history but you will heal and find somebody that treats you better and rewards you. trust in that.

4. I suspect it might be more empowering to be the leave-er. But who knows... i'm sure it sucks for everyone, unless they are just cold and evil*. Those of us leftovers may hold on longer because of our hope/fear.

*as many of them are.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Tainted Halo said:


> Not sure Muriel12, I'm on my second week of living apart from my H. I wish I had the courage to do the NC but its hard with kids and he supports us atm financially so I'm constant contact or just to talk because I miss him dearly which I shouldn't do just makes me miss him more. I believe we do move on eventually, I know I would like to be happy again. I suppose it just depends on the person.


Tainted Halo - Sorry to hear that. Second week must be tough. Especially if you have to be in contact. We are all here for each other. The first week was the toughest for me. I don't want it happening to my worst enemy. Since then, it was better. But it still feels like it comes in waves.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> Hey Muriel. Sorry to hear that it's been a rough day.
> 
> 1. It's different for everyone. Suffice it to say that it takes a while and you're going to have to make peace with it long before it stops.
> 
> ...


Thanks, Orpheus. Perhaps, he is just cold an evil. Or may be he finds someone. I don't even try to find out. I'd never want to know. To me, I just want him gone from my memory, both good and bad ones. I have a lot I want to tell him. But I kept it to myself. I know it won't do any good or difference.


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## burgh_mom (Jul 9, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> But i'm at about your stage and it feels like chewing glass most of the time.


This is a great analogy and what it feels like when your emotions are so raw and your heart so broken. You can't stop the bleeding, because it's bubbling up from all sides at once. Work through it. That's what I'm learning to do.

My DH graces me with his visits about once a week, and I'm always more emotional after them. Cranky. Short with the kids. I'm angry at him. It's been four months.

You can't move on until you get through this grieving part. I would only advise not trying to find a shortcut or distraction (alcohol, new bf, etc). That will only prolong the pain. You're going to have to face it sometime, might as well be now.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger...has been my motto all through this. I'm waking up earlier, working out, reading my Bible, reaching out to my girlfriends. A professional counselor advised me a while back that connecting with friends of the same sex helps you level out your emotions and get a handle on your future. Stay away from booze and other men. Honor yourself 

Some days are harder than others. My hand goes out to you.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

burgh_mom said:


> This is a great analogy and what it feels like when your emotions are so raw and your heart so broken. You can't stop the bleeding, because it's bubbling up from all sides at once. Work through it. That's what I'm learning to do.
> 
> My DH graces me with his visits about once a week, and I'm always more emotional after them. Cranky. Short with the kids. I'm angry at him. It's been four months.
> 
> ...


burgh_mom - I guess NC is better than having to deal with seeing him weekly then. Yes, my emotions are still up and down. Mostly up, but there are times it still feels dark. Men and booze - Oh well, I don't find anyone interesting at all. As if no one exists except me and my emotions.


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## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

muriel12 said:


> I am a bit of a newbie here. I am two months into my separation and both side doing NC. I am fine most of the times but there are times I still cry. There are times I am confused and there is this slight bit of hope that things will go back to normal. Who am I kidding? Some days, I just feel like the world is falling apart. I sometimes wonder how he can be cold and not miss me. I can't tell for sure what he is feeling but it seems like he feels nothing. Here is my question for those who have more experience.
> 
> 1. When will this be all over? The triggers, the feelings and the memories.
> 2. Would legal separation or divorce help stop the limbo I am in? If so, should I initiate or wait until I am done. Will I ever be done?
> ...


Muriel- not sure when it gets better, when all the sadness goes away, i have so many of the same questions you are asking, just wanted to say we are all here for you!

keep your head up, remember one day at a time, hell sometimes i have to tell myself one MINUTE at a time!


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I am a little further along than you but still have my bad days.

The only thing I have noticed is that in the initial stages the whole situation totally consumed every waking thought. I hardly slept and was generally a mess. As time moves on you find yourself having moments where you are not thinking about the separation or your ex at all. Even if these moments are only a minute or two - it is still progress. 3 months in and these moments have turned into hours - sometimes many hours, sometimes less than an hour. My only advice is to keep busy - whether it is exercising, socialising or picking up a new hobby. There are times where you are so down that you could think of nothing worse than doing any of these things - but force yourself to pick yourself up off the floor and do it! Also don't hold back on the crying - sometimes it helps to find a private corner and let it all out.

All the best with it - post here often. It is some of the best support you will get.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Thanks, Mothra777. I have been able to go back to my hobbies which is great. And I keep myself busy mostly. But it's just there are times when I just feel lonely and lose hope. It's like there is this whole world awaiting you and you just can't see it. Yes, sometimes, crying is such a relief. But I can't believe I am still crying after weeks of going through this.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i'm 3 months in as well, and it has gotten easier. nc has actually made things easier for me because i'm not constantly wondering when he will contact me next, how he will act, why he hasn't called, ect. i still cry sometimes, but not every day, like i was in the begining.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Muriel12, I am sorry that you are going through a separation. It is very tough to go through this. I am on 3.5 months were my wife kicked me out. My situation is in limbo. Wife will not have anything to do with me. First few weeks were unbearable,thought the world was ending, plus on top of that I was let go from my career of 18yrs, and am living with my over controlling dad. Very stressful. Best advice i can give it focus on yourself. surround yourself with your friends, and for me i started going to the gym, 4 days a week. Feel healthy as hell, as makes u feel better. First couple months I was always stressing about what my wife was doing, should i call her,bla,bla,bla. It will drive you mad!!!! I feel much better now focusing on me, and not trying to get all up in my head.If there is a chance to reconcile, set a plan in place to work on relationship together,otherwise end it an move on. For myself I think there is a chance to mend relationship. We have been together for 14 yrs. Best of luck to you


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