# Please help me!



## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

I need to change my user name to 'yes of course he is you idiot!'

So after months of denial and convincing me that nothing has happened; my partner, of almost 10 years, has finally admitted that not only did he sleep with the 19 year old girl I caught him texting a couple of months ago. But, he also got her pregnant and asked her, then took her to get an abortion!!!

I am reeling! It's 4 weeks before christmas and we have to innocent little girls together (6 and 3)

After the bombshell I drove to my friends and spent the night (last night) at a friends. He called and text all night begging forgiveness, promising he'd never hurt me again blah blah blah
I turned my phone off and deleted my facebook account. I text him this morning saying when I'd be home and that I wasn't ready to see him and he agreed to be out of the house when I got back. He has sent me lots of begging texts, telling me how much he loves me etc etc

I don't even know where to start 

Any advice? (apart from and STD check - which i will be organising tomorrow)


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Gather your financial papers and talk to a lawyer. See about finding free legal advice, if necessary. But first and foremost, find out your legal rights and obligations for your area.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

Thank you, were not married but both the children are his and our mortgage is in both name. We have a lot of debt but only a small percentage is in my name.

So far I have:

*gathered all the bills in my name and joint names
*gathered mine and the childrens passports
*got the number to make an app for a sexual health screening
*gathers papers and ID needed for below

I need to:

*set up a bank account (Shame on me for letting him control our finances)
*ring my student loans and bursary and give new acc dets
*ring govenment child benefits/tax credits and give new acc dets
*find a small house for me and the children (I cannot, for the sake of my sanity stay in the house we shared)

I can't believe I am having to do this ... It's so unfair 

I'm ok on the practical side, I just don't know how I can recover from this emotionally. 

How can I ever trust anyone again?


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

My plan also is to not tell him that I have decided to leave until all the practicallitys are put in place ... I'm worried that he will obstruct me or, more likely, turn on the charm and talk me round to feeling sorry for him. Although I just need to remember all the lies and the teenager he ****ed over and all my sympathy disappears


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I wouldn't think you're unreasonable in getting things lined up before giving him your decision, and I'm saying that as the person who cheated in his marriage. He (and I) don't deserve any consideration on that regard.

As far as emotional healing goes, think about your support network. Family, friends, religious... At some point, counseling might be a way to work on trusting again.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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