# She has changed



## Lapulga (Jan 3, 2018)

Hi all ,this is a part 1 of 2 problem ,part 2 will be posted in another forum room.

Here we go,been married 7 + ,we are both 46 yrs ,no kids with her yet but she has a son ,that she wants to live with us (part 2 problem ).she was married before, this is my 1st.we also have been to counseling also.
My wife don't like having sex much ,kiss is a no no now,she don't like me touching or using my talent down south.

In the early stage we kissed and had a lot of sex, going down south was limited tho ,she said bacteria was the reason she don't like kiss any more or me going down i was like :surprise: really, as for sex she said she is burnt-out ,but if we do it not enjoying like we had in the early years of marriage,and there is no more dressing sexy at night .:frown2:

Marriage counseling ,yeah she did took it in but that's all she did and yes she read tons of books on marriage, but am I missing something here ???

Help me out please ,what are your thoughts.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Its not likley to change as a matter of fact it will most likley get worse.

Accept a sexless marriage or get out.


If sex is important to you then get out now!


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Does she love you? If so, why is she not attracted to you? And even if she's not attracted to you, why would she not want to meet your need for intimacy? She's not even able to kiss you? What did she learn reading books on marriage? How to find a sucker to take care of her kid and keep him at arm's length? 

Sorry, but it sounds like she's broken. Unless she can get her act together, let her go. She and her son can have a nice life together.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Lapulga said:


> ......she was married before, this is my 1st.*we also have been to counseling* also.
> *My wife don't like having sex much ,kiss is a no no *now,she don't like me touching or using my talent down south.
> 
> *In the early stage we kissed and had a lot of sex,* going down south was limited tho ,she said bacteria was the reason she don't like kiss any more or me going down i was like :surprise: really, *as for sex she said she is burnt-out* ,but if we do it not enjoying like we had in the early years of marriage,and there is no more dressing sexy at night .:frown2:
> ...


1) In marriage counseling, what did she say about what changed and when. Was there something you did...or she did or happened to her that changed her sexually?

2) Was it a general marriage counselor or a sex therapist? Would she agree to seeing with you a sex therapist

3) Did she say she she was burned out of sex in marriage counseling? What do you think burned out means?

4) Was there some major change in your life about the time she became sexually burned out? Some change in her son's life or ex-husbands life?

5) What was the reason the she and her first husband divorced?

You might want to read M W Davis book the Sex Starved Marriage.

My other advice is ask her what you get out of her son moving under the roof you share with her? Seriously his being there is just going to add to her reluctance to have sex. 

Good luck.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So you’re trying to control the response you get by holding back facts and separating issues you judge to be discreet problems?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So you’re trying to control the response you get by holding back facts and separating issues you judge to be discreet problems?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


ahh, thought so. I will guess what happened but why doesn't the OP elaborate.


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## Lapulga (Jan 3, 2018)

Does she love you? If so, why is she not attracted to you? And even if she's not attracted to you, why would she not want to meet your need for intimacy? She's not even able to kiss you? What did she learn reading books on marriage? How to find a sucker to take care of her kid and keep him at arm's length? 

Sorry, but it sounds like she's broken. Unless she can get her act together, let her go. She and her son can have a nice life together.


Yes these are the same questions I ask my self ,she have said she does(love me)but then why the changes ,she reads all this boom but don't apply it to our marriage , our counselors knows this also she even know that her son is not going to help the situation but make it worse .
When it come to her been burnt out she has school in the am and work from 2 to 6pm cause of that I do all the cooking so she don't have to worry but she still say she is.

I know for a fact that I am the one that have been reaching out for help in our marriage ,(marriage groups counseling close friends and family )

She does not ,2017 when her son came was a nightmare and 2018 she want he to come back to live with us and our marriage is in a mess ,so I know for fact it wont work ,so moving on May be the way to go.


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## Lapulga (Jan 3, 2018)

Would like to add that going to counseling did help me, my mind was opened and I understood that marriage is work and I have no problem doing .

Her pass , her ex and her son is playing a part,why now I dont know, the counselors has spoken to her about it ,but she leave there saying ,ok I will try, but it does not last .

It like my old saying ,spinning a top in mud.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

I'll throw out a couple of thoughts

1) Could be your wife either has low self-esteem and/or has an avoidant personality. My wife isn't into making out or kissing (its more like a mom would kiss a kid) and sex is no foreplay, get to the finish and move on.
2) Emotionally your wife got burned by her ex and hence has chosen to get emotional needs met by her son instead of you (which could explain moving in with you)
3) Body issues or stress will ruin sex drive
4) Don't remember if you mentioned age but a drop in testosterone in women is a sex drive killer.
5) Honestly if she was divorced with a kid, I wouldn't rule out she gave you audition sex until the deal was sealed. Honestly, some women desire security over sex.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Or shes banging her x or someone at school? Did you gain weight? 

No kids she works you work time to make a decision.


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