# Put my foot down today. This is really hard. Advice?



## troublednewlywed (Aug 21, 2012)

It's hard to know where to start so I'll just do my best. Please bear with me and the long post.

My wife and I have been dating for about 4 years and have only been married a couple of months. When we started out we were the typical lovey couple, blissfully happy and things couldn't be better. Starting about 18 months ago we started growing a bit apart each day though. She recently told me I don't pay enough attention to her or have enough initiative to often plan things for us to do together. She felt unimportant to me for a long time. It took me a long time to understand what exactly she meant and what I was doing wrong. This is by far my only really long term relationship and I needed to learn a few lessons. We fought about it several times over the last few months.

A couple of months ago we got married. Happiest (and now seemingly most ignorant) day of my life. After the wedding there was many a red flag flying in my face. She wouldn't have sex with me (blatant sign for a newlywed couple) always kept her phone very close, etc etc. Anyway, I knew something was going on and got determined to find out what. So I installed a spy program to capture screenshots of the computer while she was playing World of Warcraft. Sure enough I find out she is having a deep EA with someone on that cursed game. She had even sent him naked pictures, skyped with him, said she wished they could meet, all the extremely hurtful things you could expect. Seems to have been going on for at least a couple of months, who knows if more. Thank God he lives a couple thousand miles away in Canada.

Once I found out I was devastated. I didn't know what to do with myself and ended up on likely the wrong conclusion. I decided not to tell her I knew. I had recently made a strong re-commitment to my wife's happiness. Working to better myself in every way for her and be everything she could ever want. I was bound and determined to put her first over all else and make this marriage a blissful one. I knew she wasn't happy with me and figured if I confronted her about the A at that point that I would lose and she would simply leave me. I figured I could prove to her I am better and worth being faithful to, such that she would get rid of him on her own. I was wrong. Eventually (several weeks back) I finally confronted her about the EA. She blamed it on me and in the end refused to put an end to it. Claims she has no friends here in town (moved in February) and those online game people are all she has.

That brings us to the present. In the last week we have had two fights over text about the OM and me telling her to dump his sorry butt. Both times she eventually managed to change the subject without agreeing to anything. Still talking to him. *Today* we had a big text fight about it. She had asked me last night if I would pay for her to go to a local weight loss place as her birthday present. Said she didn't feel good being chubby (which she has been a bit for a long time, though I tell her all the time she is beautiful). Last night I agreed to this, but I thought about it and this morning got mad. I told her I would only pay for such a thing once she completely ends her EA and gets rid of him for good so that I know she is doing it for her me and us. She tried to tell me that she is doing it only for her and not for him or me and that he has nothing to do with it. I finally snapped (can't take it anymore), put my foot down hard and insisted that him being gone is the only way it will happen. To which she accused me of blackmailing her and making her unhappy and says she is leaving. "I mean it this time". She has said she was going to leave in the past. I don't know whether to believe her this time or not. Moments ago told me she is moving out and put in her two weeks at work. Do you guys this this is a lie? All I know is I truly do still love her and want to make her happy, but this A of hers is killing me inside. I'd do just about anything for us to be like we used to be, but that seems so far away today. She is utterly non-apologetic about her A. I don't want her to go, but what can I do? I can't sit here and pretend her A is okay. I feel like I draw no respect from her and am made to feel like crap as a punishment for our past problems.

Did I do the right thing? How do I handle this going forward? Please help me have the strength to stand firm and find a way to get rid of the OM who I hate with a fiery rage at this point. I do want her to fall for me again. That is my big goal, but I can't live forever with another guy having her attention.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

troublednewlywed said:


> It's hard to know where to start so I'll just do my best. Please bear with me and the long post.
> 
> My wife and I have been dating for about 4 years and have only been married a couple of months. When we started out we were the typical lovey couple, blissfully happy and things couldn't be better. Starting about 18 months ago we started growing a bit apart each day though. She recently told me I don't pay enough attention to her or have enough initiative to often plan things for us to do together. She felt unimportant to me for a long time. It took me a long time to understand what exactly she meant and what I was doing wrong. This is by far my only really long term relationship and I needed to learn a few lessons. We fought about it several times over the last few months.
> 
> ...


I am pretty sure I read this before.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Entice her into saying she is leaving again.
At this point you pack her bags and help her out the door.
Speak to a lawyer about getting your marriage annulled.

The actions you are doing which include having any sort of discussion with her about anything other than her making a choice to be married to you is completely counterproductive to whatever you are trying to accomplish.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

She's deep in the fog nad sound too entitled. I don't think she's marriage material to be honest. One month after the wedding in a deep EA? Are you kidding me? Refuses to end it? Barganing, demanding you to pay for her new outlook for OM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Being nice is not going to help you at all. I would say it woul give her an horrible precedent.
*Talk to a lawyer yesterday*, cut finances. Pack her bags and kick her out. If there's a chance in hell she's going to get out of this entitled defiant atitude is not going to happen being nice but the opposite, being full aware of your boundaires, demanding self respect, respecting yourself.
Hard 180 --> The 180 degree rules
Just Let Them Go


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Also stop financing her affiar: internet, phone... whatever she uses to stay in contact with his POS OM.
Also, find out whether OM has a wife/GF/SO and expose him, with solid evidence.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

She has no friends and playing WoW 24/7. I wonder how that works out...

Let her go, you'll be better off without her in the long run. Just married, no kids, she might have given you a early Christmas gift here.

BTW, she was going to the gym for the other guy. He's probably asked for pics and wants to meet but she's gotta get in shape for her man.

Let her go and file for divorce the instant her foot steps out of your door. Trust me, you do not want to deal with a WoW junkie unless you're one with her.

I played WoW hardcore for 5 years and had no social life aside from my wife and kids and barely even with them. Even if she gives up this guy, there will be another one. Guys on Wow flock to girls like flies to *bleep*. When you have 10+ guys hitting on you every night, a couple are gonna get through to her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you didn't put your foot down hard enough

read the newbie link in my signature for helpful info

she is knee deep in an EA and won't do anything resembling logic unless you destroy the affair, start exposing


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hell ya you did the right thing!

As hard as it is you need to show her how silly she by smiling and informing other she is leaving you for a man she never met.

Help her pack and stop all joint accounts. Wish her the best with big smile on your face and thank her for all the great momories. Inform her that you appreciate her letting you go and you wish the best for her while you both move on to find someone else to be happy with.

Advise her to dress warm cuz Canada get really cold.

This tactic of confidence and certianty is the best way to get her to think twice in what she is about to lose. See, anger just justifies her choice to leave, Cry and begging just looks unattractive and confirms why she is leaving. But with a smile on your face and a positive additude...thats what gets them thinking.

In fact she may even make a comment about you not wanting her, and thats when you plant the seed that "you will not share your wife"


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

troublednewlywed said:


> It's hard to know where to start so I'll just do my best. Please bear with me and the long post.
> 
> My wife and I have been dating for about 4 years and have only been married a couple of months. When we started out we were the typical lovey couple, blissfully happy and things couldn't be better. Starting about 18 months ago we started growing a bit apart each day though. She recently told me I don't pay enough attention to her or have enough initiative to often plan things for us to do together. She felt unimportant to me for a long time. It took me a long time to understand what exactly she meant and what I was doing wrong. This is by far my only really long term relationship and I needed to learn a few lessons. We fought about it several times over the last few months.
> 
> ...


Ending it with the OM shouldn't be a stipulation as to whether or not you get her into a weightloss program. It should be a stipulation as to you not signing divorce papers.
You aren't showing her you will not tolerate this EA. You only showed her you are going to be an jerk while she is. That's not the message you want to send. 
Tell her that if she has anymore communication with this OM that she will be served divorce papers and you will be out of her life. She is keeping this guy on the line waiting for you to let your guard down to continue her A. It will likely quickly escalate from that point since there is a sense of urgency.

Sir you either send the right message or be prepared to be betrayed again. Give her the NC letter she is to send to the OM and make her send it to the OM , and demand total transparency. If she will not do both of them then kick her out or leave. Show her that it's you or him and you won't accept anything else.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

the guy said:


> Hell ya you did the right thing!
> 
> As hard as it is you need to show her how silly she by smiling and informing other she is leaving you for a man she never met.
> 
> ...


x1000


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

badbane said:


> Ending it with the OM shouldn't be a stipulation as to whether or not you get her into a weightloss program. It should be a stipulation as to you not signing divorce papers.
> You aren't showing her you will not tolerate this EA. You only showed her you are going to be an jerk while she is. That's not the message you want to send.
> Tell her that if she has anymore communication with this OM that she will be served divorce papers and you will be out of her life. She is keeping this guy on the line waiting for you to let your guard down to continue her A. It will likely quickly escalate from that point since there is a sense of urgency.
> 
> Sir you either send the right message or be prepared to be betrayed again. Give her the NC letter she is to send to the OM and make her send it to the OM , and demand total transparency. If she will not do both of them then kick her out or leave. Show her that it's you or him and you won't accept anything else.


In my world this would also mean the end of WoW. She has obviously shown she doesn't have the personal boundary to separate fantasy from reality. She needs to start working on her own issues rather than bury herself in a video game. She needs to do the heavy lifting to save this relationship. 

She is trying to get you to cave and say "no baby dont go, its ok."

Let her leave.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

She has threatened to leave in the past? Why and what happened?

My guess is that you capitulated on whatever the problem was, felt castrated, she turned to WOW.

Call her bluff. Don't EVER let those words come out of her mouth again as a tool against you.


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Oh and troublednewlywed just so you know that we have similar stories in the timeline, except my STBXW had an EA/PA within 2 months of saying our vows. 

While it is up to you to decide what you do. I had laid out clear boundaries from an earlier exposure and she accepted them and knew the consequences but it didn't stop her, she thought I was bluffing. She broke my personal boundaries for keeping the relationship so now I'm going to divorce her. 

The feedback I have received here and have experienced myself is its NEVER a good sign when youre so fresh into a marriage that the WS is already looking for someone else. No matter what the issues are it shouldn't lead to an EA/PA. What will happen 5 or 10 years down the road when the marriage is even more complex with jobs, children, finances, etc?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Is she still sending him the pics? Is this guy married?


Start thinking about annulment. Way too early in the marriage to cheat. Inform her parents/close mutual friends on what is happening in a respectful way.


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

I seriously don't understand how people can be so F'n Stupd sometimes. 

Met over a video game, and fell in love. When the phuck did society get so ignorant and lazy?

Where I come from you have to meet someone, and let that person earn your trust, by proving they are a geniue, caring, and intellgent person. 

Now adays you just hop on a video game, and speak over a microphone, and waalaa you're in love. 

BTW, 
you didn't put your foot down. You tapped your pinky toe at most. 

Pack her bags, and tell her come get em. No F'n way I would pay for ANYTHING for her either!


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## WalkingInLight (Aug 14, 2012)

You can find a very similar story here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/53766-update-aftermath-wifes-online-affair.html

All the best.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Acabado said:


> She's deep in the fog nad sound too entitled. I don't think she's marriage material to be honest. One month after the wedding in a deep EA? Are you kidding me? Refuses to end it? Barganing, demanding you to pay for her new outlook for OM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
> *Being nice is not going to help you at all. I would say it woul give her an horrible precedent.
> Talk to a lawyer yesterday, cut finances. Pack her bags and kick her out. If there's a chance in hell she's going to get out of this entitled defiant atitude is not going to happen being nice but the opposite, being full aware of your boundaires, demanding self respect, respecting yourself.
> Hard 180 --> *The 180 degree rules
> Just Let Them Go


THIS really is the only way. Sometimes people wont change unless there are consequences. And even if she doesnt then you know where you stand.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

troublednewlywed said:


> Did I do the right thing? How do I handle this going forward? Please help me have the strength to stand firm and find a way to get rid of the OM who I hate with a fiery rage at this point. I do want her to fall for me again. That is my big goal, but I can't live forever with another guy having her attention.


You didn't do that right thing initially. Given that you want an exclusive relationship with your wife, you need to get other men out of the picture. You do that in two ways. First, you become someone that your wife is sexually attracted to. Second, you tell her that she needs to choose you or the other man.

Now, becoming more attractive will take time. You need to get in good physical shape. You need to become more assertive. That doesn't happen overnight.

As for forcing your wife to decide, that's instantaneous. Ask her a yes or no question. Does she want to be your wife, or not? If she tries to change the subject, tell her you need a yes or no answer. And if she says no, you need to be prepared to divorce her and move on. Otherwise, just cut the drama and tell her to have fun with her boyfriend.

Good luck.


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## troublednewlywed (Aug 21, 2012)

I've realized in the last few days what a fool I have been. Essentially, how could I put up with this so long?

In the time since my last post I've hit her with the fact that it's decision time. At first she refused to cut it off. Then tried to negotiate getting something from it, to which I repeatedly said "This is not a negotiation.". Then I've said several times that it's me or him. I said "This has to be done. I won't stand for it. Either you are standing by me as my wife or choosing him and moving on. This is the way it is." How does that sound? She says she hates me for this, but that is to be expected. I have to get her to wake up or get out.

Now I just have to battle through her saying how depressed she is going to be and wanting to kill herself. (She has had big depression problems in the past. Mostly before we met). I will watch her close if she decides to stay, but none of that talk will weaken my resolve at this point. I've committed to my position and I'm going to get my life back one way or another dammit.

If she stays at least she knows nothing of my computer spy software so I have that input working for me. I payed good money for that and it was worth every penny.

This is going to be a very hard time and reading this forum has helped me a lot in the last few days. Not looking forward to getting home tonight though. I'll keep posting as things develop.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think you're basically doing the right things. However, I'm about 100% certain that if I were in your shoes I would be throwing the computer in the trash, cancelling internet at the house. At least until such time that she can show she can be trusted with them.

And I wouldn't tell her I'm doing it. Wouldn't threaten or anything like that. I would just do it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

No More Mr Nice Guy


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Troubled, I'm so sorry that you're facing this so early in your marriage. You are at the point of building your marriage. That cannot happen as long as she is in the affair. I know that you love her, but love is sometimes tough. All this trouble so early would indicate to me that she was never really committed to your relationship. She needs to do a complete about face and beg you to take her back, promise complete transparency, and go to therapy to see what is lacking in her own self esteem. If she falters, do the intelligent thing, and save yourself by divorcing her.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Wasn't this story here some weeks ago?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Troubled, I'm so sorry that you are here. The two of you should be doing it like rabbits, but instead you are stuck competing with a fantasy.

I would divorce her and move on because once she loses the weight - now or years hence - SHE WILL LEAVE YOU. 

You will no longer be good enough for her. It's such a common theme that it's almost a proverb.


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## WalkingInLight (Aug 14, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Wasn't this story here some weeks ago?


No, different post by a different user. See my earlier post in this thread with the link.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WoW.... Canadian EA.... hmmm... yea, that sounds familiar. Probably because I had the same thing happen with me. My EA partner was Canadian as well, and I met him on WoW. And he was a couple thousand miles away as well. My husband also met his EA on WoW. My advice? Stop paying the $15/month for that blasted game and get her the hell away from him in ALL manners of correspondence...texting (God I hope you don't have a huge cell bill!), Facebook, email... everything. If she doesn't move out, she gets rid of the OM, period. We dropped WoW completely. And things have definitely improved in our marriage. 

I, too, am an overweight woman. If your wife is so adamant that she lose weight, get her to go walking. I get that she wants a gym membership, but she can start walking instead of playing that game. Sitting in front of the computer for hours, talking to OM, is NOT gonna take the weight off.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Okay, let me see if i've got this straight. You have been dating for 4 years or 48 months. Then 18 months ago, things began to get sour. Then 2 months ago, you got married? Why would you do this? 1/4 of the time you have been together , things haven't been so good, right? So why in the he** would you get married? Does this sound like mature thinking to you? The best thing you can do is to annul or divorce, because neither one of you is ready for marriage


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

People think that marriage is a cure-all for their problems. 

As Gomer Pyle used to say: SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Shes clearly not marriage material. 

Motherfvck her depression. Thats no excuse to be sending nudies to some random ass stranger on the internet. 

The whole friends thing is an excuse. You want friends, go outside. Sitting in front of a computer all day and complaining about having no friends isn't just contradictory, its downright stupid.

Also you may have put your foot down, but not your heel. 

When you say me or him you gotta mean it. Getting anything less than a commitment to you = her bags packed and out the door. 

With your lukewarm response shes just going to go underground, I guarantee it. Your spy program should pick that up.

You should be MUCH more concerned than you are. 

Suddenly she wants to get in shape? 

I.E Raising sex rank for other men. 

Shes cheating on you and she actually thinks shes JUSTIFIED to do so and actually trying to negotiate it into the marriage. 

Unacceptable, but it won't truly be unacceptable until you stop accepting it.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Annul the marriage.

That's the simplest and best solution to the problem.

If you force her to stop, what's to guarantee she'll be into you, the backup? You'll have marriage problems from now on because she's not really into your marriage. Why should your wife be hooked to another man while still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

troublednewlywed said:


> A couple of months ago we got married. Happiest (and now seemingly most ignorant) day of my life. *After the wedding there was many a red flag flying in my face. She wouldn't have sex with me (blatant sign for a newlywed couple) always kept her phone very close, etc etc. *
> 
> *She had even sent him naked pictures,* skyped with him, said she wished they could meet, all the extremely hurtful things you could expect.


One word - ANNULMENT -Refusal of sex after only 2 months of marriage is grounds.

Plus all the other lying, manipulative crap she is still doing. Do not allow her to stay. Get out now or you are in for another installment of the same story latter on. Then another, then another then another - until you finally get tired of it all. This is your best chance to get clear - do it!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Read more on the ways to break up an affair. Exposure is a good start. And rather than letting her blackmail you using her depression, send her back to her parents with a letter telling them why. Let THEM be responsible for her mental health.

C


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

PBear said:


> Read more on the ways to break up an affair. Exposure is a good start. And rather than letting her blackmail you using her depression, *send her back to her parents with a letter telling them why*. Let THEM be responsible for her mental health.
> 
> C


...and keep the dowry. 

What do you mean you didn't get a dowry?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

listen up! GET AN ANNULMENT NOW!You don't have a marriage. Quit kidding yourself. Move on!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

troublednewlywed said:


> I've realized in the last few days what a fool I have been. Essentially, how could I put up with this so long?
> 
> In the time since my last post I've hit her with the fact that it's decision time. At first she refused to cut it off. Then tried to negotiate getting something from it, to which I repeatedly said "This is not a negotiation.". Then I've said several times that it's me or him. I said "This has to be done. I won't stand for it. Either you are standing by me as my wife or choosing him and moving on. This is the way it is." How does that sound? She says she hates me for this, but that is to be expected. I have to get her to wake up or get out.
> 
> ...


A few little items you have not realized yet.

1. Your wife was never committed to the marriage. What makes you think she will really do so now?

2. Given the sexual problems, the way she treats you, and the EA - why on earth are you allowing HER to decide if she wants to stay with you? You are getting dangerously close to doormat status.

3. If she does stay, she will never truly change and you are going to be a professional detective the rest of your married life. Your wife sounds like she is exhibiting narcissistic behavior. A selfish, entitled person with no respect for you.

4. You obviously feel that the suicide threats are not serious. You are probably right because the last thing a narcissist would do is harm themselves. But on the off chance she is serious, please inform her parents, siblings, or close relative about her threats. Maybe they can talk to her (she won't listen to you).

At least consult a lawyer to get your options. Do not wait for her to make a decision.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Troubled

How did you and your wife make out last night?

HM64


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## troublednewlywed (Aug 21, 2012)

Not nearly as well as i had hoped. We had a HUGE fight about it. I stuck to my guns though. Eventually I said (more like shouted) "It's me or him! He goes now or you do!" She shouted back "Fine. Him.". So i simply replied "Fine. Pack your stuff and get out of my house. now." She of course threw a fit (and some objects) and stormed out. I have never stood up to her quite like this before and she seemed shocked and angry. I gave zero tolerance. My way or the highway. So she was gone for about half an hour and came back. Said she hates me for this and all kinds of other stuff in anger. I almost threw her back out just for that.

So I made her get on that game and tell him they will not talk anymore. Not in the game or email text skype nothing. Then had her block him on the game, skype, email, etc. She was still mad for me making her do it though so i have a gut feeling that is not the end of him. My spy software will tell me that when i check it tomorrow morning. If she has contacted him at all then she is out on her ass.

Today we are still fighting, but not about him. About our past problems. Which in a way is good. Better than her just giving me the cold shoulder each day and ignoring it.

Time will very quicky tell if we are on the path to getting better or if i end it all. And by quickly i mean probably in the next 24 hours. We both have our first IT sessions tomorrow night. But my gut tells me this will all go south due to how much she fought about cutting him out. Afraid she will just try harder to hide the A. At least now i have taken a stand for myself, my happiness, and my own self respect.. She will never love me again if she doesn't respect me. I have been far too much of a nice guy. No more! If i didnt love the girl so dang much i would not have even given her this slight chance. Somehow i feel i will end up looking a fool for it, but you never know. Ugh what a nightmare. I will keep posting as i can.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm telling you man, junk the computer. Why do you need a pc at home?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

troublednewlywed said:


> Not nearly as well as i had hoped. We had a HUGE fight about it. I stuck to my guns though. Eventually I said (more like shouted) "It's me or him! He goes now or you do!" She shouted back "Fine. Him.". So i simply replied "Fine. Pack your stuff and get out of my house. now." She of course threw a fit (and some objects) and stormed out. I have never stood up to her quite like this before and she seemed shocked and angry. I gave zero tolerance. My way or the highway. So she was gone for about half an hour and came back. Said she hates me for this and all kinds of other stuff in anger. I almost threw her back out just for that.
> 
> So I made her get on that game and tell him they will not talk anymore. Not in the game or email text skype nothing. Then had her block him on the game, skype, email, etc. She was still mad for me making her do it though so i have a gut feeling that is not the end of him. My spy software will tell me that when i check it tomorrow morning. If she has contacted him at all then she is out on her ass.
> 
> ...


A man has to take a stand and yes 

So many BSs don't get that if they don't respect you how could they ever love you? Acting like doormats will only make them you as a doormat, and what woman will get in bed with something they use to scrap dirt off their shoes?

Now you need to have her know why and how an EA is insulting inconsiderate to the spouse and marriage breaking. 

Don't let her dare say she hates you for protecting your marriage. You tell her that if she thinks its okay to send some stranger nude pictures of her *married* self she needs to wake the fvck up.

Tell her to get back in the marriage.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Learning to enforce boundaries is a valuable skill that will serve you well in the future. Whether that future is with your wife, or someone else.

Good luck.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Why in god's name did you let her back in the house?

I would've had the locks changed and had her ass sweat it out for at least one night.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I'm not addressing the fact that you let her back in the house...what I want to know is why she is even still PLAYING that game?!?! You do realize that she can create an alt, pst one of his alts, etc, right? Dude, I have BEEN there! Uninstall the game if she is going to stay. Seriously!


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I'm not addressing the fact that you let her back in the house...what I want to know is why she is even still PLAYING that game?!?! You do realize that she can create an alt, pst one of his alts, etc, right? Dude, I have BEEN there! Uninstall the game if she is going to stay. Seriously!


I agree...its time she gets a new hobby...you know like maybe trying to fix her marriage if you let her...thats a pretty great hobby.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

troublednewlywed said:


> Not nearly as well as i had hoped. We had a HUGE fight about it. I stuck to my guns though. Eventually I said (more like shouted) "It's me or him! He goes now or you do!" She shouted back "Fine. Him.". So i simply replied "Fine. Pack your stuff and get out of my house. now." She of course threw a fit (and some objects) and stormed out. I have never stood up to her quite like this before and she seemed shocked and angry. I gave zero tolerance. My way or the highway. So she was gone for about half an hour and came back. Said she hates me for this and all kinds of other stuff in anger. I almost threw her back out just for that.
> 
> So I made her get on that game and tell him they will not talk anymore. Not in the game or email text skype nothing. Then had her block him on the game, skype, email, etc. She was still mad for me making her do it though so i have a gut feeling that is not the end of him. My spy software will tell me that when i check it tomorrow morning. If she has contacted him at all then she is out on her ass.
> 
> ...




You can take a horse to water but can you make it drink? She has to end the stuff herself. You can only set the boundaries but she has to do the blocking all by herself. She will otherwise find a way to do it in secret. You cannot be gaurding her for the rest of your life. 

Seriously, she sounds like a child. How old are you guys?

Does her family know of the stuff she is doing?


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

troublednewlywed said:


> Not nearly as well as i had hoped. We had a HUGE fight about it. I stuck to my guns though. Eventually I said (more like shouted) "It's me or him! He goes now or you do!" She shouted back "Fine. Him.". So i simply replied "Fine. Pack your stuff and get out of my house. now." She of course threw a fit (and some objects) and stormed out. I have never stood up to her quite like this before and she seemed shocked and angry. I gave zero tolerance. My way or the highway. So she was gone for about half an hour and came back. Said she hates me for this and all kinds of other stuff in anger. I almost threw her back out just for that.
> 
> So I made her get on that game and tell him they will not talk anymore. Not in the game or email text skype nothing. Then had her block him on the game, skype, email, etc. She was still mad for me making her do it though so i have a gut feeling that is not the end of him. My spy software will tell me that when i check it tomorrow morning. If she has contacted him at all then she is out on her ass.
> 
> ...


Hell Ya!! You have to bro. She isn't done with him. Be ready for that. Let her know in no certain terms she can't have any contact him or visa versa. Do this over and over, Let her know she is gone the sec you find out and you will be all over her cause she already hates you and she broke your trust. You should also bring up her spending to much time on WoW and you better see her checking that toxic habit too!


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

While you are at it... let her know it is time for some "angry s*x" 




j/k well kinda... you all need to start getting intimate, she needs to know those needs also have to be met.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Dude, here's the deal. Look at your posts. Does this look like a healthy marriage to you? 2 months in, and already you are fighting like welterweights, she is cheating, you are trying to be some kind of bada** marriage policeman, and for what? You have NEVER had a good relationship. This marriage was a truly immature and toxic situation from the getgo. LET IT GO! You go your way, and let her go her's. After BOTH of you have seasoned a bit, then try again. You've got no kids, you have very few strings, so end this trainwreck and start anew. Good Luck, pardner.


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