# Husband is not interested sexually



## Confusion1 (Aug 23, 2010)

My husband and I have been together for two and half years. He has admitted being addicted to porn after about six months into our relationship. We moved in together after a year and have caught him masturbating. He watches porn a few times a week, where we will only make love maybe once in two weeks. I feel this is a problem and when I confront him, he says that the porn is nothing and I am making too much of the situation. He also makes me feel that I am wrong in all of this. He believes he is doing nothing wrong. I feel unloved and can't see our marriage lasting much longer, as I need more.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Any guy who would rather "Hitchike under the big tent watching porn" instead of making hot love, freaky sex, with a REAL woman has a serious problem!!:scratchhead::scratchhead:

Good luck


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

OhGeesh said:


> Any guy who would rather "Hitchike under the big tent watching porn" instead of making hot love, freaky sex, with a REAL woman has a serious problem!!:scratchhead::scratchhead:
> 
> Good luck


well i didnt hear the OP say their sex life was ever "freaky hot", and that begs a question for her, was it or would you classify it as average and maybe even boring. we talk alot on here about mismatched sex drives as it relates to frequency, but even high frequency couples that are mismatched as to what they like is a major problem. i dont do porn, period. my sex life with my wife is none too frequent and when it happens its frankly blah and mundane. she rejects new things and anything most normal people would consider adventurous but not out of line. this type of sexual experience could push some people in the porn direction. i am NOT justifying it as i really dont believe in it, but i can see it happening. my theory does not explain it away, there are some people, mostly men, that just cannot tear themselves away from it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The good news is that your guy is obviously pretty highly sexual. He may have just trained himself to be turned on passively. You might use this to your advantage. If your guy gets turned on watching sexy women who don't know he's alive, perhaps you could play the tease. Go about your business around the house but maybe dressed a little more provacatively. "Accidently" give him a little peek, "accidently" brush something against him. Maybe he's trained himself to be the seduced and isn't comfortable being the sexual aggressor. You ought to be able to play such a guy like a stolen fiddle. 
Of course, porn can mean a lot of things and what trips his trigger may not be something you can do or are willing to do. If he's watching two guys get it on (for example), there's not much you can do about that. 
I don't understand the fascination of watching sex when one could be actually having sex, but different strokes for different folks. I'm not into porn, but I do know that many people who feel inadequate or uncomfortable in their social skills frequently get into it. It's entirely possible that he's not comfortable initiating or directing sex but that he could play the role of the pursued much easier. If he's just got to have a fantasy, you could be the fantasy.


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## galaxy (Jun 14, 2010)

May be it is just a temporary phase. You can think of ways to get him away to be with you for longer periods without letting him know. Anyway, t is better than unhealthy serious sexual involvement outside.


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## Confusion1 (Aug 23, 2010)

I am also quite sexual and definately not scared of trying new and wild things. I would enjoy sex at least 3 to 4 times a week. I have tried being the sexy vixen, but have been shot down by him on numerous occasions. He has admitted that he can satisfy himself better than I can. Is this normal for a man? What should I do? I'm getting quite desperate as I feel my love slipping!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

No, that aint normal. What a waste! I think most guys would be positively thrilled to have their wife play the "sexy vixen". Can't imagine any man preferring to "rub one out" or watch porn.


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## jerseygirl27 (Aug 23, 2010)

Hi, Confusion.
You are not the only woman out there that is experiencing this problem. I am a very sexual person and am available to have sex with my husband anytime he wants. On two different occasions I caught him with porn. I didn't catch him in the act.. I found dish network bills that he was hiding from me as well as old web browsing history where he was viewing amatuer pornography. 
I think what hurt the most is the fact that he was viewing the porn in lieu of having sex with me. I offered to watch the porn with him, bought the lingerie, stepped it up a notch in bed with him, however, he never was that interested in having sex the same amount that I was. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave him because in my eyes, and many people will disagree... This is a form of cheating. If a man is going to masturbate and get turned on by a naked woman that is not his wife, then why not go find another woman? There is no difference that a naked woman standing in front of him while he rubs one out. I honestly feel that if I catch my husband again, it will be over between us.
Porn has caused a lot of problems in our relationship. He chose porn over having sex with me. We were not intimate for a long time, and I was always left sexually frustrated and angry. 
My husband has not looked at porn in months and to this day I still have trust issues. 
I suggest getting your husband to go with you to marriage counseling. Maybe you two can express your feelings more openly in front of a therapist. 
Good luck & message me if you need more advice.


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## jerseygirl27 (Aug 23, 2010)

What I meant was.. there is no difference between a husband rubbing one out to a naked woman standing in front of him vs. doing it to porn. 
My point is, if they are going to look at porn, just go find a woman that turns you on in real life. I really feel strongly that looking at porn is cheating.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

---My point is, if they are going to look at porn, just go find a woman that turns you on in real life. I really feel strongly that looking at porn is cheating.---

The only problem with this type of view is that it is VERY extreme, and if your husband feels differently, he is going to get frustrated with you because he will feel like his opinion doesn't matter.

The OP unfortunately gives VERY little details. I do see that he admitted to a porn addiction BEFORE they moved in together, so she knew about it going in. I don't see much else that would explain a change, so unless more details come in, its just speculation.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Looking at porn isn't cheating.

Letting porn interfere with an intimate, sexual relationship with your spouse is certainly a problem.

Try to be part of it. try to be the "happy ending" that he wants and see if that helps.


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## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

I guess we're in the same club. My husband chooses porn over me on a regular basis. LOTS of guys compliment me on my looks etc., and he is trying to overcome an EA with a woman half our age at his office.......this is no picnic, it's a recipe for a perfect storm. 


Just wanted to say I'm here....keep us posted please <3


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