# Crying and not sure why



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm not sure why I am posting. Nothing in particular has happened today with my H and I. We are still separated for 6 weeks. I pretty much have little contact with him as that was my boundary setting agreement. What little contact that I do have is nice and friendly. 

I am the one wanting to save the marriage. He is the one that saw the grass is greener.

Today, for the first time since our separation I am having a crying spree. I can't quit crying. It comes and goes but I am hoping this is out of my system before I need to go get my daughter.

I feel so sad that there is no end in sight. We aren't working on our marriage as I am giving him the opportunity to feel what's like to be divorced (minus the dating others). 

I can't imagine going another 6 weeks. I can't but help think about the holidays and not being here as a family. I don't know if I can make it till then without breaking it off with him on my own. I wrote him a letter today that I *won't* give him. I didn't know what I was going to say. It ended up being a goodbye letter. 

Will I ever see a breakthrough? Something...anything....
I know...no answers here. I wish I could grab onto something positive. I am afraid I won't be strong enough to endure another 6 weeks. I am afraid I will call it off and suggest moving on (D). I don't want this but it's too painful.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Stay strong. You can do this. Has he filed? No. That is a positive. The newness for him should start wearing off soon. Go ahead and cry. Let it out. It will make you feel better.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

You are grieving and that's healthy. Please allow yourself to cry and just be. Whatever happens in the end, there has been loss. 
Try to breathe and remind yourself that you' will be okay.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sorry to hear of your emotional rollercoaster. Many of us here have ridden that ride. It’s the only rollercoaster that gives unlimited free rerides and it sucks. As best you can try and concentrate on other tasks at hand. If you are of faith, pray for strength and guidance. The coaster will stop at some point to give you a breather. Most of all be proud of yourself for having the will and love to try and make the marriage work. It hurts because you want it so bad and you are fighting it on your own. You are a much better person than he is in this regard. You are to be commended for that. Many here can see that.


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Hang in there- as I noted earlier, I am going on week 10 and it dioes get easier. You are doing the prudent thing in keeping distance. The distance will only help to accelerate what is suppossed to happen later. ie- if your husband is going to come back, this will help him find a healthy and definitive path back- faster. If he does not, then know your boundaries did not cause it- it would have happened anyway but just likely dragged out longer. While my wife is gone, I try to ask God for Peace to put this in perspective. If she comes back, our marriage will likely survive to be stronger than ever. However, if she decides not to return, then I am in the better because I deserve someone to treat me with the honor and dignity and respect I am trying to show for her even now in our separation. Always keep the high road no matter what. When the dust settles, you will love yourself more and you will have nio regrets.


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## Woody (Aug 17, 2009)

I don't have much advice but you have given me a lot of insight on my situation. So hang in there and I will pray for you to be strong for yourself and your daughter.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thank you to all....stopped crying for a bit. Cried more when I was picking up D. ....If feels like I am broken. I have prayed and prayed. I hope God will find a way to show me some light some where.....

I know things could be much worse. I am lucky. I thank God for all that I have. I just can't get over what a bad time I'm having. It came out of nowhere. I am crying as I write this.

I am meeting a friend in an hour to "walk and talk.'" 

Waiting Patiently: How long did it take for you to see some sort of light? 

I appreciate all of your support in helping to pick me up...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Here is a link about the stages of grief, so you can figure out which one your in. Sounds like you just went into a stage closer to acceptance ( or the end of grief)
The Stages Of Grief


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Brightlight: I've tried it all including MC. See my Love Must be Tough thread. 

I went ahead and sent him an e-mail today. I asked to go to church with our D and I on Sept. 13th. The pastor is beginning a Relationship Series. I told him there was no pressure. This is the first time to reach out in over 6 weeks. I have to prepare myself for "NO."


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Brighter: I am sure, as it was soon after our separation that is was "just lunch." Meaning he wanted the comfort of having family but wanted to be alone. My message all along (in my mind) has been you want a divorce then you will need to feel what a divorce is like (minus the dating others). 

All along during pre separation he has given me mixed signals but saying he wants out and is 100% sure he wanted a divorce. I could do nothing to talk him out of it. And I've got some skills!! ha

I have absolutely stepped up to the plate in regards to taking care of my self. I started a support group; swim laps for exercise; joined a church; volunteer at two places; continued my self help readings; looking for full time employment; finished up an internship.

So yep. I am a better person. However, yesterday there was a sadness and underlying sadness that I didn't have before. It gradually went away today. 

My H isn't emotionally available. After 24 years...I was suprised at that...we had a good marriage..just chugged along. Really drama free and we worked as a team. We love each other now. He just isn't "in love." Overall, he's unhappy with himself and in pain. 

Tell me brighter....how long were you separated and what were the circumstances? Did you give her space? What was your road to reconciliation?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Brighter: So...you are no longer separated. What made her come back..your changes? Did she initiate the comeback?

I am feeling much better today. I have a job interview on Friday. 

H hasn't responded to my email regarding the church invite. I also texted him my new on the job interview. No response. Highly unlike him to ignore. I wonder what's up....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thanks brighter:

I ended up calling him today regarding our kids. However, I did have an agenda. I asked him how he was doing (ok). I told him how if he needed anything that I was there (thanked me). I asked him if he was continuing counseling (hopes to) as he went 2 weeks ago (during a crisis).

This all goes against my LMBT (love must be tough) stance.  However, in my gut I felt he wasn't doing well.

Then, I ended up calling his best friend. He's a friend of mind also. He told me that he was doing ok and that was to be expected. He had a talk with my H's business partner awhile back. I believe there was some concern for my H and all between the two of them. His bf isn't going to give me details nor do I ask. I just thanked him for being there for him.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Wow Corpus, that is great that you offered help. It is mysterious though as to what is going on with him. It must be hard for you to try to get him to open up. Did he appear to be depressed when he left or was it just an arguement or disagreements between you and him? Well, you gave him an oppertunity now to open up by offering help so the ball is really in his court. I know you have already played the waiting game for a long time but maybe just a little more time will change something in him. I don't know but again, IMHO there should be some kind of timeline even if it is a long one; there just needs to be a plan so you know that there will be closure one way or the other to this part of your life. I sincerely wish you the best.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

brighter: Yes, it's extremely difficult (pulling teeth) to get my h to open up. He's afraid...afraid of hurting my feelings for one. 

Yes, he was depressed since Oct. 08 definitely. But really, he started drinking more at night last summer. Looking back...I can "pick" out some difference in him along the way. 

We've been married 24 years...we don' really fight. Not much into drama. I am more of the type of person, if something is bothering me...I'll want to take care of it and get it out in the open. He is totally non confrontational. 

He gave me the "love you but no longer in love message" in Oct. 08. He eventually reached the conclusion that he wanted a divorce to be alone among other things. 

I guess I felt led to make the phone call yesterday, against what my head was saying. I can't be the pursuer again...like the past year. 

You are right the ball is in his court. Thanks for your input.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ireposting from my Love Must Be Tough thread)


My husband emailed me this afternoon to meet. He can only meet after Tuesday. I ended up seeing him this evening as my daughter had to pick up something she forgot. I told him Wed. AM or evening.

I am so afraid that this is the time that he's going to announce moving forward with the divorce. I know he's still in pain and not doing well. I know that he hasn't given me any hints or signs of wanting to reconnect. 

So Wednesday, I am going to know how my life is going to be laid out. At least for the next several months if he wants to continue the separation. It's like waiting for death to come. 

I told him to pick the time and place to meet. If he wants to meet at a restaurant than he won't drop the D word. However, if it's private than.....

I am going to need this board more than ever....on Wednesday.


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## Devastatedmom (Sep 5, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> I'm not sure why I am posting. Nothing in particular has happened today with my H and I. We are still separated for 6 weeks. I pretty much have little contact with him as that was my boundary setting agreement. What little contact that I do have is nice and friendly.
> 
> I am the one wanting to save the marriage. He is the one that saw the grass is greener.
> 
> ...


corpuswife,
I am in the same boat, but going on 8 weeks. I am devastated, angry, cry at the drop of a dime. My 5 year old stated Kindergarten and this is suppose to be the most amazing time. My husband walked out on us, left me to deal with T (son), but yet wants to see him when on his time line. I am also working really hard to fight for us, as we have been married 11 years. I do not understand how you can just throw away those years that fast. We began counseling, but that I felt made things worse. When I was out of town he took a lady that he reconneced on FB with to a hotel out of town, said nothing happened but I do not believe that for a second. So you are going to take a gal who has three kids, and take her out of town saying she needs a break.....and we don't need that.....I am right there with you trying to move through this, but I just do not think I am strong enough....I am at the bottom of my barrel (My father is very sick, lost my job, and now this all in a few months time)

Any advice I am open to hear and read.....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

If he is connected to another woman then usually they will not return to the marriage until the affair is resolved. They will take time. 

I suggest backing off...if that means separating then do it. Protect and better yourself. He's not in the frame of mind to reconnect the marriage. 

There is a book by Dr. Dobson When Love Must be Tough. It's been helpful to me. I have a thread here with the same title.


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