# is my wife selfish? or im overreacting



## mymarrigehelp (Sep 10, 2009)

We have been married for little over one year and have two children 4yrs and 6 months, and since we both have financial difficulty from the start, we decided to have one account so we can build together. We both never married before. I was working and making most of the money and everything goes into one account where we pay our bills and spend. My wife has equal access to the bank account as I do; also she is a spender who has many wants. She will buy and buy till our account is in red. She is a self employed and stay home mom. Sometimes she makes 70% of my income but other times she only makes 10% of mine. I never look at my income as mine only, but as the family income. Well, I would say that I lost my job due to a fault of my own I can not get any unemployment to support my family financially. Somehow, we are surviving thru our savings and help from our family and friends, especially my mother. My wife now wants to keep money she makes at her self employed job at another bank account. She do not let me have access to the money and will question me if I ask for some it. My mind set is that we are one entity and should still work as one family. She thinks because am not contributing new income, she doing me a favor to let me spend some of her money. What can I do to make her understand? Should I begin separating my own money when I get a new job and just share household expenses? I never knew money will be our problem I would have suggest a financial counselor before we marry


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

You should be one entity in a sense but I also think you should have separate money. My husband and I both work full time and we have our own checking and savings. We also have joint savings. We have our bills divided evenly so anything we have left over after the bills are paid we put into savings or spend as we individually please. When I didn't have a job for a few months we used what was in savings to cover my portion of the bills and I noted down how much we used for that. I then paid it back so we would always have an emergency fund there.

In your situation, the fact that she was freely spending your money means that she shouldn't really have the right to now say you can't spend any of her money (providing you're not asking to go to Vegas or to buy a boat or something). But I would say that when you get a job you should decide who pays what bills and otherwise have your own money. It doesn't sound like she's responsible enough to "share."


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

my first impression is that she's pissed that you lost your job. how long have you been unemployed? have you asked her if she'll join accounts again when you get a job again? 

I have a separate account from my H. I do not have access to the 'main' account and im ok with that. i dont earn any money. i have a separate account that has a small weekly allowance. 

I personally feel that if you are not contributing financially then you dont have the right to demand access to the money. that's just my opinion, though. some people dont like that idea. but its what makes sense to me.


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## MsDani (Oct 22, 2009)

My husband is way worse that that he see's it more like whats mine is mine whats yours is mine. Im paying all the bills while he spends all his money to make his stupid VW look cool. I was just informed that he underpaid the daycare $50 last month... instead he bought mirrors for his car : cause he wanted different ones" I ask him to start giving me at LEAST $150 each check to go to bills but he wont do it. he offered to pay the fulll light beill last month [ cause usually its $150 and this time it was only $70 go figure] but he never paid it i got a notice in the mail and i asked him about it and he just bnlew it off like i was supposed to know he didnt pay it... so guess who paid it?... me


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

mymarrigehelp said:


> What can I do to make her understand? Should I begin separating my own money when I get a new job and just share household expenses? I never knew money will be our problem I would have suggest a financial counselor before we marry


I suggest you take over the finaces/ bill paying and give her a set amount a week to spend. No more.
This is due to her overspending and not being able to control herself.
Give her so much for groceries and tell her to stretch it and make it work. You pay the bills and take her checkbook away, before you go into bad debt and if you do, it'll take a lifetime to get out of.


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