# Please someone tell me I'm crazy.



## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

I've got that 'sickening gut feeling'.

Proof? Other than texts & quickly hiding emails & or getting nervous when I'm by her & she is on her computer I've got very little save my own intuition. 

Intuition has not failed me yet in my life though I may not realize it @ the time. However whenever I look back I'm thinking to myself how could I have been so blind?

My Story so far:

I've approached my wife & of course she denies anything & I'm crazy. She LOVES ME! I need help. I need to hear it from another person that what I "think" she's doing or done is wrong or not.

Sure has a weird way of displaying this lately.

She went to a work function & came home with jewelry, earings & a necklace. To hearts intertwined. She won't wear them around me (save the day she came home beaming) though she says I 'bought' them for her. Why would she by herself jewelry then say it's from me when I wasn't even there? She has no receipt & no credible story. Also I noticed that she has shelved the cheaply made necklace but the earrings she has with her & I 'assume' is wearing them when they meet up.

I've confronted her for the past few days & I'm going no where.  

I went out & bought her perfume, flowers & a card today yet I myself still feel defeated. She wrote me a letter but I haven't read it yet. 

I need to calm down, I need a break yet like a train wreck I keep coming back.

Am I afraid to read her letter? Not really, as I think it will more of the same I love you but you don't understand me type of answers only more eloquently put.

I'm so lost, so lonely, so unsure, so defeated, so clueless, so... well, you name it.

Should I stop talking about my feelings? Am I wrong to tell her that I think some of her texts for work buddies are hurting me?

MY BIGGEST FEAR

AM I PUSHING HER FURTHER INTO ANOTHER MANS ARMS by being honest?

I need some advice, guidance & a shoulder to lean on now more than ever before in my life.

Thank you everyone. 

I've read through here a lot over the past couple of days & I do see some answers but I need to 'personalize' it to my situation so I can be certain.

Don't know what I'd do without this forum. I'm praying that it will at least shine a beam of light & a ray of hope that something good will come from all of this beating myself, her & us up.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Here what I did;
1st big mistake was getting all beggy and pledy, and the look in her eyes was like you wimp now your crying for me.(disgust)
I stop immeditly and walked away
A few days maybe a week (its been 9 months) went by and I printed and made copies of her text, emails, photes. I set them next to her bed, woke her up and told her to look at this and that we needed to talk. I then walked a way, went to get some thing to eat. 
Ther was no questions about the affair , it was only a few question
1) do you love him and is it serious 2) are you going to leave then I walked away again.

I did say, "you screwed up and you need to fix it" I show no emotion and simpley smiled and told her you hurt me Im going out.

As I drove away feeling all self pity and all .I refused to pick up her calls. Did this all day. when we met up that same afternoon we both had a good time to think and discuss. She was scared sh*t lees. Basicly I left her quessing, the ball was in my court.

I have heard a storie were the loyal spouse told the cheating spouse that he was cheating. The cheating spouse realy had an eye opener, got all hurt. then the loyal spouse gave the cheating spouse all of his evidence to W and told her he was lying and just wanted her to see how it felt.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The main thing is think every dicision through to not make split second and emetional dicision. Stay calm and quit and investigate. She will slip up and you will get what you need to show her that you know whats going on. What ever you do, do not let her know you are confussed and indicisive (b/c U are). do let her know that she hurt you and you love her.
With out the hard documents to show her she will think your full OF sh*t and need help. 

Whats nice about black and white or sometime color evidence, it brings to light the shame, embarrasment, even humiliation to her affair. You dont even have to say any thing. No accusations from you, no interputaions from her ("were just friends") grap. It cold cut.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Last,
You know its an affair and I know its an affair.

You need to prove what you think is going on then you can move from a real cofrontation with hard facts and some what honest answers from her to move to repairing this marriage. 
My take is you both haven't confronted the affair she's plowing it off and your hurting and confussed. 

Change that and get the information you need to move forward.


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

Well, thing is she does slip up... constantly.

As for the jewelry she said that the vendor had a really cool Iphone App that lets you do credit card transactions right from their phone. She loves techy stuff.

Well, remember she, er.. I paid cash for her gift that day. Yet she loved this neat little gadget.

I did ask her about this discrepancy & she quickly added that another lady was buying something, that is how she saw this.

Funny thing to me is not the lie but that it was another woman like no man was even there.

Good Lord AM I FOOLING MYSELF HERE?

Ugh.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Last 
I'm talking about hard documents.
its all hear say.
Can you hire a PI, get a friend to follow and take pictures?
Buy a keyloger, GPS, sim card, some thing that will help you figure this mess out


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

Nope.

I simply can not & will not stoop to her & his level of deception.

Though it's a wonderful idea I feel that it would only hinder our relationship further.

I want the TRUTH!!!

FROM HER MOUTH!!!!

PERIOD.

oops sorry lost control there.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

its cool, Iv been there.
So are excepting the affair? I mean, you dont think you should feel some relief in that you are not crazy.
Man, this could go on for years. do you want that kind of resentment in your life.
You are fogeting, she is not the same woman you married, your expectaions of her are not the same as they were. She is in a fog.

I quess if you keep asking, one of these days she'll cave?


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

I'm honestly hoping, but I could be way off that I caught this early.

This is another reason why I surely don't want to push her further into this mans arms.

The one that doesn't complain about our kids bills or grades the one that she can talk business with & he understands her cute way of asking questions.

Getting angry again just thinking of this as that part has been going on for MONTHS! now.

She even shared a $100 mailer program with her OM that I paid for. Good Lord, I'm an idiot for sure.

We have 4 children that she says I will lose due to my own issues though I fairly certain that infidelity trumps most things in a marriage strictly speaking.

We shall see.

Heading off to the couch again tonight. Even though I bought her the card, perfume & some roses there is no real attempt other than that letter I've still not read,.

I got dinner ready for the kids, fed them cleaned up for them & she sat away from all of this in the garage where we both smoke.

I enjoy smoking too, but I see to it that my children are cared for. I did ask for her help but she said I complain when she tries? I sure don't remember this but I am trying.

Thanks again for the replies, insight & support. I'm going to need it & much much more before this comes to a head so it seams.

I'm so tired but I'm waiting for my son to go to bed so I can sleep on the couch yet again tonight. The kids know that there is tension but have no idea that daddy is not sleeping with mommy as mommy wants to sleep with someone else entirely.

Crap! I'm doing it again & again. Perhaps I am crazy.


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

One other thing that I should mention is that my wife is also a member here.

In fact she found this place I only followed & decided to hang around. I realize I was quite the ass in my first thread. 

I did think of changing my sreename but again I'm not here for deceit I did what I did & there is no changing that period.

Thanks everyone & for when or if my wife does show up in this forum again I hope that others here will gain a better understanding of not only what I'm dealing with but she as well.

Thanks.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Last said:


> Nope.I simply can not & will not stoop to her & his level of deception.
> 
> Though it's a wonderful idea I feel that it would only hinder our relationship further.


Well, to get the truth out of her mouth, you are going to have to get *rock solid* evidence. Your gut instinct is usually right. But, until you have undeniable proof, you are going to continue to question your sanity.

I've been in your shoes and I tried to "win" the lying scum bag back. It didn't work! I lost everything while he partied away. I should have been firm from the beginning--when he was first starting to cheat. Things would have turned out much better; our marriage might could have been saved at that point. You aren't going to win by trying to be nice.


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## LastsGal (Jul 18, 2009)

Hi. I am Gina, the supposedly cheating wife of Last. My husband is not telling the entire story here. He did not mention that he chews between 5 and 7 40mg oxycontins and drinks 6 - 8 beers each day. This combination, coupled with the fact that I recently went back to work after 5 years at home together every day is making him paranoid that I'm going to leave him, because his self esteem is very low. 

He doesn't think much of himself, so he can't understand why I would. I've given him passwords to all of my electronics, let him have access to everything, including my work email and texts. If I talk to any other man about anything, it scares him. I am an insurance agent. I have to talk to people, and yes, half of the population is men, so if you do the math...

He also failed to mention that he felt this way with his first wife, too. He would get mad and jealous because even on her day off, she would meet a male friend or co-worker for lunch instead of staying home with him. His first wife is also deceased, so we are dealing with some abandonment issues, as well. 

Bottom line is that if he wants things to get better he needs to go to a professional, not the Internet. In fact, I posted on this site last year and he berated me for asking you all for your thoughts, but when he does it, it's okay. Just one of a multitude of inconsistencies I deal with on a daily basis. First thin every morning and last thing at night, and because I do care and love him....every moment in between.

Can we please go to marriage counseling now?


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

While most of what is said is in fact true there are accts that I have zero access to darling.

New emails & of course the 15min ph calls to a man that works with you almost daily?

Yes as I said I do have 'issues' I realize this but I'm ready for honest, openness & for our marriage to grow away from what I obviously see as a threat. Drugs & Alcohol have been used as a crutch & there are some legitimate reasons for the medications but I'm not using them right. You take the same ones I do as well, just so everyone knows this. You've been on them for 2 years & I 10 now. I too started out as you...very very carefully then my life went to hell in a hand~basket when my 1st wife passed away. I was left with two babies 4 yrs & 6yrs. Do I need help? HELL YES.

Why do you feel the need to talk to this guy? Get things for him & to take things from him?

Still wondering though I think we need to take this to a Marriage Counselor as well now.

Thank you everyone.

If she wants or needs to continue this thread I'm more that willing to keep replying though I've gotten at least 'some' of my answers now.

And for this I can finally find some peace again. There's a long road ahead, this is only the beginning.

I know this all too well & freely admit it.

I DO LOVE YOU GINA. With ALL & I MEAN ALL OF MY HEART.


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## LastsGal (Jul 18, 2009)

I'm tired of defending myself against this cheating charge. The gut I'm supposedly cheating with writes 30 juvenile life policies a month. I called him... our resident guru... for help with my first quote. When i signed up for internet leads, they gave me and one of 3 other agents a bonus of $100. He was the only name in my district, so i chose his name. I worked Bikers for Babies and the state office girl put us on the same shift. The guy calls all women babe, but asked him not to call me that because it's disrespectful to my marriage. You say you want to work through this, but your way of doing it is to verbally and emotionally abuse me and refuse to listen to anything that doesn't support your paranoid version of reality. Meanwhile, I can't have any support at all... No family, no friends, no internet groups.... I can't even go to an alanon meeting without you g me of sneaking out to meet men. You're lashing out because I gave you an ultimatum... Get help with you addictions or I'm telling the doctor everything that's going on. You're so afraid of living without the drugs and alcohol to insulate you from everything that you want to scare me into submission. It's not going to work this time. 3 years of this is enough.

I've been asking for marriage counseling for three years, & it's all well and good to post in a forum that you'll go. In real life you refuse. Will it be the same this time?


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## Last (Jul 23, 2009)

Fair enough.

I want this to work & it can not be one sided.

You think I'm afraid of my addictions & you couldn't be more right.

I need help, I want help but I also don't want to lose you in the process.

My first reaction to your last reply was "is she deflecting what is going on?"

I think not, I believe in her or I never would have married her.

Help? Yes, but words are cheap watch me time will tell.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Well IF she is/was cheating, it was kind of silly to post about it using your name here, knowing she'd see it don't you think? You're going to have to be a man and deal with facts, not emotions. 

What I mean is:

1) Stop hiding from the letter she wrote. You obviously think something important to your marriage is in that letter, so instead of being the "nice guy" and buying flowers and sticking your head in the ground ignoring reality, read the letter and go from there. 

2) Stop sleeping on the couch. If it's uncomfortable being in bed together because you think she's cheating or you think your marriage is falling apart, tough. All you're doing by sleeping on the couch is running away. A man needs to show some leadership, and passive aggressive gestures like this do nothing but make things worse. 

3) If you TRULY think she's cheating, gather some facts (even though you botched that pretty bad by posting somewhere she posts under a name she knows you post under). You said you don't want to stoop to her level of deceit. If you felt you were just being jealous or insecure I could understand that thought. But if you really feel in your heart that you're being cheated on, you're once again being the "nice guy" and denying yourself cold, hard facts by preferring to deal in feelings instead of reality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lobokies (Sep 7, 2010)

hi couples (last&lastgals)

please discuss together your own issue and try to be openned to each other.

your communication does not going well. both of you keep your own ego. write the list of your dislike to each other, perhaps you could start with this.


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