# "Spice" it up??



## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

Just wondering everyone's thoughts when it comes to "spicing" up sex in the bedroom. It seems like there are a myriad of options, but I can only imagine a few... What do you do to "spice" things up to keep things from being vanilla?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Do things differently, simple as that, let your imagination run wild!


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## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

ok, suppose my imagination wasn't really existent... i'm just wondering what everyone's views are of "spicing" things up... i'm sure it''s pretty varied...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Not sure how much these would spice things up but a few of the things we do are:

Mutual masturbation, love this one. It is very intimate and you have to trust your partner but wow the closeness afterwards is fantastic.

Sexting is always a great way to build up anticipation.

A bit of rough play.

Tying the other one up and having your way with them.

OK this is lame but I really like having to have quiet sex, so in a situation where you know others may here you so you have to be quiet. My guy covers my mouth at these times and it is a major turn on for me.

Of course the usual things like different places, times and locations.

I like sex against the wall especially as he is very strong and holds me off the ground.

Mostly we are just spontaneous, no plans, no regular routine it just seems to be different most of the time. Sometimes slow and sexy, other times we are like wild people. 
Not sure if that was the sort of stuff you meant?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Order new toys and not the same type that you may already have. That's an easy first step.


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## jacksparow1964 (Sep 28, 2012)

Mutual masturbation, love this one. It is very intimate and you have to trust your partner but wow the closeness afterwards is fantastic.



love this part :smthumbup::iagree::awink​:


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> Order new toys and not the same type that you may already have. That's an easy first step.


This.....get on amazon or any adult to shop....order eachother some toys. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

ok, so what if you have gone the toy route, but it's not enough... what's next really? there is only so much you can do....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

For us , spicing things up usually takes place outside of the bedroom.
Most times outside of the house actually.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Erotic massages with scented oils

Chocolate sauce and whipped cream

New bedroom outfits

Shaving each other

Sex in different places (kitchen table, in the car at a parking lot, etc...)

Just a few things right off the top of my head that I can think of. It doesn't have to be new sex toys, but it could if you want it to be.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband were "vanilla" for 19 long years...a few yrs ago, I suddenly realized "Dah, what the hell have we been missing" - I tool the bull by the horns.. and ....

Some of my ideas

*1.* Yeah, whip cream, chocolate syrup - oral sex, get some flavored lubes Flavored Sex Lubes 

*2*. Try some new toys -lots of reviews on that site 

*3*. Exhaustive sex position guide here - Sex Positions Guide or get a Kama Sutra book

*4*. Erotic Massage, Oil massage / Bubble baths /candles /music

*5.* Lingerie - womens lingerie | eBay ~ Role playing nurse outfits, French Maid, some stockings /gloves, heels 

*6*. Rent some Porn - look for the Romantic Porn -the wife may enjoy.

*7. * Try a sex game - We have this one -There are 100 affectionate cards / 80 intimate cards / 60 passionate cards ~ & Question cards.. Easy, Intimate, and Difficult.  Discover Your Lover Adult Board Game Review

*8*. Could try some >> Liberator - Official Site of Liberator Shapes & Sex Furniture







Could try a "Sex swing".

*9.* Plan a Romantic vacation together...Revisit an old necking site. Dance to a special love song... revive the memories, with this -you may Up the dopamine -which brings you more emotionally connected. I made a "movie maker video" of our lives together - very touching, threw me over the edge when I played that back. - with a sappy love song. 

*10*. Talk about your fantasies... Flirt /tease each other, build some tension... Flirting, Love, and Sex - How to Flirt with Your Husband or Wife 

*11. *Take a walk on a hiking trail, go off the beaten path ~ act like love starved Teens, get touchy feely in the movie theater in the dark. Try sex all over the house... new memories, any kind of new Novelty is "exciting"... 

*12*. Have your wife cook breakfast in lingerie & heels, do your own private photo shoot... wrap her in "caution" tape.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Me & my husband were "vanilla" for 19 long years...a few yrs ago, I suddenly realized "Dah, what the hell have we been missing" - I tool the bull by the horns.. and ....
> 
> Some of my ideas
> 
> ...


I hope your husband doesn't waste money buying lottery tickets, because clearly he won the lottery already.


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## HabsFan (Sep 27, 2012)

May I suggest role play? Get a hotel room, pretend your secretly meeting for a NSA encounter. Incorporate some of the awesome ideas above. Sometimes the tools (toys) or the participants are not the issue but the setting is. Be the secret agent shagging Alotta Fagina or the John meeting his trick or the teacher getting his student to 'earn' an "A". The limits are only dictated by your mind. PS booze never hurts to set the mood.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> For us , spicing things up usually takes place outside of the bedroom.
> Most times outside of the house actually.


Ya mon! Ditto that.

We take our minivan and park in out of the way places and have sex in the back seat. Makes driving that beast later with the kids a lot more fun when you look at that back seat and replay the mind movies. The good kind.

We confessed our fantasies to one another during sex. Very spicey.

This is a good book for giving you ideas:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0974259918/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00

Just try stuff. Use your imagination.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

mattyjman said:


> ok, so what if you have gone the toy route, but it's not enough... what's next really? there is only so much you can do....


Do a weekend away at one of those 'f**k tub' resorts with the romantic rooms with the indoor pools, saunas, massage tables and jacuzzis. 

My wife and I just booked one for next month and I've been stockpiling new DVDs and toys for it. A lot of new stuff and things that we have been speaking about are on the table for that weekend.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is what I call spicing it up - thinking of a _Spicey_ vacation -hey we only live once --and women generally love some *ROMANCE*... - think "atmosphere".... a private pool in your room.. a private hot tub in the woods... oh yeah... Check out my 4th post >>> Pics of our room.....had mirrors on the ceiling too..... 








http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/36832-getting-away.html









Hey Kingsfan.... I'll tell my husband your comment tonight , ha ha ....Yeah...he feels this way... but he's had his share of suffering when I was in "Mommy mode"... though he was partly at fault there - being too much of a "Nice guy" puttin' himself down... We've lived & learned... if I can help some avoid our stupid blunders in the sexual... it would make me .


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife and I are going away for the week for our 25th anniversary (wow,it's been that long?). One of the things we are doing is taking one night to completely devote to the other sexually. We've each selected a scenario from the book I mentioned above and will spend the evening acting out the scenario. Now I thought that for where my wife and I are sexually the tips in that book were a little on the bland side so I'm using it as a framework to build upon. I'm adding music and choreographing how I will touch her, breath on her, kiss her in time to the music. And yes, there will be some dirty dancing involved. No I can't dance all that well but she doesn't care. The point is she appreciates that I made an effort to make it special for her. The point is I'm thinking it out ahead of time and putting in effort and THAT will make a spices evening for both of us.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

A lot of great advice here however these are still so in general of what one's spouse or SO may get excited about ??? I know it may be easier said then done but why not simply ask what makes him or her " tick " ?? 

Ask " if you we're to masturbate tonight what would be your ' go to ' fantasy ?? " and see if include this fantasy in your intamcy one way or another ?? Good luck !


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I just got a card in the mail from BareNecessities.com stating that they are having a 25% off Friends and Family sale...from Oct 3rd thru Oct 8th. 

I might be able to find some new "spice up" items for my Princess ...lingerie never hurts in this department.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> I hope your husband doesn't waste money buying lottery tickets, because clearly he won the lottery already.


Isn't that the truth! What i would have given for my x wife to have had this attitude. It might have made me seem weird in public, though, because i would probably have walked around looking like the smiling Viagra guy all the time!


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## clarabarton (Aug 23, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> Do a weekend away at one of those 'f**k tub' resorts with the romantic rooms with the indoor pools, saunas, massage tables and jacuzzis.
> 
> My wife and I just booked one for next month and I've been stockpiling new DVDs and toys for it. A lot of new stuff and things that we have been speaking about are on the table for that weekend.


Love the above idea...Here's one we go to every couple years, they have a couple locations in Pennsylvania. We would love to go more often but it's expensive....Pocono Resorts


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## jacksparow1964 (Sep 28, 2012)

it is kind of wierd idea but after trying it, i can say it is very exciting and safe as well, you guys take your wives to a cheep hotel or motel (crowded one) order if you like a drink, have her to open the door with a revealing clothes while you pretend busy and bring the guy inside the room to place the drinks on the table and try to act natural like normal thing, go to bed after the guy had a close look at detail of your wife body (modesty is totally gone there) then you both are smoking hot !!!! make a very hard sex on bed, she will make all kinds of loud moans (feel free you are in hotel) near by room guests shall be hearing all of the noises you making....now this is a treat !!!!!!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Don't settle into a "rut". Change it up, even if you've found your "groove" together and have something you both like incredibly and do amazingly well together. Do something different, even if it's not "as good". Oftentimes just the doing of something different can make less than stellar sex amazing.

Mutual masturbation. Eh, what's the fun in that...right? You'd rather have sex than masturbate, right? Well, stop that way of thinking. It's amazing. Because it's different, and you're "vulnerable". Makes touching yourself oh - so - much - better. And after a week of making love three times, what's better in a horny moment than being able to "rub one out" quickly yourself and not have to perform for another? I can tell you what....doing it WITH them while they do the same.

Sex in the car. On the highway. Can I finger my wife a whole lot better when we're in bed? You bet I can. So then why does she have such explosive orgasms when I'm doing it awkwardly while driving down the freeway?

On the stairs? Why? That chit hurts!!! But it is oh - so - good...because it is different.

Busy working in the house? Stop. Put her azz down on the couch, carpet, or linonlium, rip her shorts off, and go down on her. Why does that cold hardwood floor feel so phucking good? Because it is different. And it's passionate.

Sex in a public place. Did that remote controlled vibrator really do that much more for her at the restaurant than it could at home? No. So why the amazing orgasm she can't stop talking about? Because it was different. And naughty. And there were people 5 feet away completely oblivious to what was happening right under their noses.

She gets off in missionary easiest and likes that? Tough. Flip her around roughly and take her from behind. Phuck her like the world is gonna end tomorrow and this is the last piece of azz you're ever gonna get. Show her some real "I GOTTA HAVE YOU LIKE THIS" passion. 

And after you've done that, next time switch it up and make agonizingly slow love to her with soft music and candlelight while you touch every inch of her gently and look into her eyes. Don't listen to her when she wants you to speed it up...her brain is telling her to hurry up and have an orgasm because she's close. Draw it out and take her to the brink, and then keep her there by speeding up and slowing down as needed to keep her on the edge for as long as you can manage. Then give her slightly longer and harder strokes to take her all the way there as you get close as well. Talk about an explosive orgasm for her!

Sex is easier with underwear off. But not much says "gotta have you" passion like pulling her underwear to the side and going at it while she's still wearing them. Up the ante by stopping half way through, and then finally ripping them off of her because you "gotta have her" and now they're getting in the way!

Passion. It's hard to do when you're doing the "same old - same old", and even harder to fake if it's not really there. Passion can make the uncomfortable, amazing. Passion can turn the "I'm not doing that" into "I can't believe I just did that, and it was amazing" type of thing she'll pretend to blush about when she's telling...no, not telling...BRAGGING to her friends about it.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

clarabarton said:


> Love the above idea...Here's one we go to every couple years, they have a couple locations in Pennsylvania. We would love to go more often but it's expensive....Pocono Resorts


I know...the one we're going to is costing more than a grand for two nights, but I feel it will be worth it to be able to have sex without worrying about the kids hearing us. 

I have a whole box of new toys and things that I've been ordering and most of it will be a surprise to my wife. 

We've already discussed some new and wild things that we're going to try out there and having a hotel 'room' that's three floors and consists of a pool, sauna, steam room, massage table, jacuzzi and more leaves it open to the imagination.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> A lot of great advice here however these are still so in general of what one's spouse or SO may get excited about ??? I know it may be easier said then done but why not simply ask what makes him or her " tick " ??


^^ This is the key for me.

When my LW asked to ‘spice things up’ she did it in the worst possible way. She just dumped a huge list of what she’d done in the past and really enjoyed. Nearly everything she suggested was a huge turn off to me - and I was stuck knowing that she’d engaged in all these activities. 

At the time, she _thought_ she was handing me a wonderful opportunity. What I thought... was that I needed to pack up and leave. I didn’t want to be associated, let alone married, to a woman who had done these things and wanted to do them again. 

So, please, talk ideas over with your spouse. Make suggestions as to what the two of you might try together. If there are things you’ve already tried, but not with your spouse, keep quiet about it and go on a road of discovery together. And remember that It’s no good bringing new ideas into the bedroom if they don’t do anything at all for your spouse, or worse, if they are a huge turn off to them.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> ^^ This is the key for me.
> 
> When my LW asked to ‘spice things up’ she did it in the worst possible way. She just dumped a huge list of what she’d done in the past and really enjoyed. Nearly everything she suggested was a huge turn off to me - and I was stuck knowing that she’d engaged in all these activities.
> 
> ...


Have to join you on that point. If my wife brought up that she did this-and-tha with so-and-so before I was around, then it would piss me off and not get me into it at all. 

jealousy is a trait of mine that I have never been able to shake and it is ten-fold with my wife as compared to ex-girlfriends in the past. I have no desire to picture her screwing someone else.


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## derMann (Jan 18, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> This.....get on amazon or any adult to shop....order eachother some toys.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:smthumbup:

I never thought of looking on Amazon. Now I'm like "duh!"


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> Have to join you on that point. If my wife brought up that she did this-and-tha with so-and-so before I was around, then it would piss me off and not get me into it at all.
> 
> jealousy is a trait of mine that I have never been able to shake and it is ten-fold with my wife as compared to ex-girlfriends in the past. I have no desire to picture her screwing someone else.


It didn’t piss me off, and I didn't get jealous at all.

I became alienated.

_I said:_ I’m really not into oral, if you do that to me, then I’ll feel obligated to reciprocate and I’m just not into that at all.
_She said:_ B-b-b-b-ut, I really enjoy going down on a guy. (picture 1)

_She said:_ With the right preparation and lube, anal really works for me.
(picture 2)

_She said:_ Oh yeah, I’ve had threesomes before. My Ex was really into them, we had lots of MMF’s, and a couple of MMMF foursomes.

Add pictures 1 & 2... with a dash of whatever you do normally, and suddenly it’s not a ‘picture’ anymore. From what I’ve heard, it sounds like a porn film. Apparently, she honestly believed that all of these ‘things’ are what all men want to do. It’s what she’s been taught - and that irks me more than anything else. 

So yeah, I would go slow in spicing things up. Make suggestions. Talk ideas over without adding any personal historical references. If you are asking this question now because it's something _you_ want to do... make sure that 'spicing things up' is actually something your spouse has an interest in doing. Who knows? Maybe there's a reason why they have never brought this subject up before?


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## TheMonogamista (Oct 5, 2012)

I guess "spicing it up" to me means initiating something that makes me feel uncomfortable but not too uncomfortable--and letting myself enjoy the internal struggle inside.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

On a trampoline - wow....sorry we sold it now.

On a chair - lap dance and then sit facing him breathing heavy in his ears and sucking on earlobes, kissing neck, rubbing chest, ride awhile, then turn around and ride while touchiing the floor.

My new thing for him - sexy underwear on me (last was a see-through football lace top and boy shorts), take a body shot only and text it to him about 15 minutes before class ends, then meet him at the door when he rushes home.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

What I did for her on our "big" night on our 25th anniversary trip last week:

Started some very mysterious and sinister sounding music playing. Blindfolded her. Tied two neckties around her wrists. Tied the other end to a wooden coat hanger. Hung it up just high enough that she felt tied up but could still scratch her nose.

While music continued to play set up the room stopping by to undo buttons on her blouse. Remove her panties (left her skirt on). Light candles and strategically place around the room. Undo a couple more blouse buttons, about half way.

Then the next song starts. Has a sexy grinding beat. I tease her with half kisses, more just breathing down her neck. Lightly running my hands inside her blouse, up her legs under her skirt. It time to music, it's a dance. Turn her around pull her head back by her hair gently, kiss her neck. My hand on her hips, make her sway them in time to music, I match her. We grind together. Turn her back around, release one hand, necktie still around her wrist, blindfold stays on, start kissing her hard, keep grinding to the music. Release the other hand, necktie stays on, we dance, grind and kiss until the music stops.

The next song starts. Very sweet music, tender, loving. Lay her on the bed. Slowly remove her bonds, blindfold, and clothes while kissing. Then we forget what music is playing as we dissolve into each other.

She loves to dance and she loves music. She told me it was her best O ever. How am I supposed to top that now?

The next night she gave me what she called a velvet massage...


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