# New Girlfriend Not "attractive"??



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I dated a women for 3 years and we have been apart for 3 months. Im still in-love with her but she has moved on. Im trying also. My last girlfriend was nothing short of gorgerous. Im trying to NOT be shallow. I know that physical chemcistry IS important. Ive met someone that I have a great time with. She is not ugly at all. Her body is fantastic but for some crazy reason she has zero eyebrows. She pencils them in. It drives me crazy. 
I cant help but compare. Im sure its normal. Ive tried asking her why she doesn't have them but I think she has plucked them so bad that they are gone forever. When she gets out of the shower,,,it looks SO weird!!!!!!!!
Again, she is a wonderful person and I don't want to be shallow. Yes I miss my ex and to be honest,, I always will. I was married 17 years and the pain Im going thru with my ex is SO much more. I screwed it up. 
Please,,any guys/gals get with someone they weren't totally attracted to??? How did you get past it or did it eventually end bc you just weren't attracted to them physically


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have found different qualities attractive in different women. No two the same. Guess my question is how big a deal breaker is this for you?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If physical attraction isn't there I don't think it's likely to be.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Its weird bc with makeup, she is pretty. Not the gorgeous women I was with but Im looking for more than that.
Its one of those things you hear about from others. Without makeup,,you go "oh ****"!!!
I feel terrible bc she is an awesome, terrific person.
I want to pay for eyebrow transplants or something.
Am I being a jerk here???


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Im not sure about "how big of deal breaker" yet.
Im trying to look past that and get others opionons


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Is she bothered by it? Have you asked her about the possibility of permanent makeup that uses tattoo-like technology for eyebrows?


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

NO,, I mentioned the eyebrows briefly and she claims that she lost them during preganancy which is fine but I would get transplants.
Its real real tuff bc we have a ton of fun but I just cant shake it.
I feel like if I mention how much it bothers me,,she would dump me.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Why not just continue to date her for a while and see how you feel about it then. I'm not certain why you would need to make a decision now unless the two of you are already in an exclusive relationship.

If you are, give it a bit more time, if you're not, continue to date and see how you feel about it next month.

I don't mind admitting that I can be somewhat shallow. I think most men are because we are visual. If you don't really find her attractive, or not attractive enough, that can be a real problem. If, however, you truly fall in love with her, you may feel differently about some of her physical flaws.......or maybe not.

As a rule, I only dated girls that I found very attractive, or I should say dated exclusively. Good luck.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I also think that it's harder bc I'm comparing her to my ex.
I'm still very much in-love with my ex,, plus she was gorgeous.
After 3 months,, I gotta start somewhere!!!
Everyone thinks the grass is greener when most of the time,, it's not. 
Heavy heavy lesson learned
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

rep said:


> I also think that it's harder bc I'm comparing her to my ex.
> I'm still very much in-love with my ex,, plus she was gorgeous.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I believe you are being a jerk.

She is most probably a rebound relationship of some sorts for you. You're not ready for a new relationship when you're very much in-love in your ex. 

You're not being sincere with her and she will most probably get hurt by you really soon.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rep said:


> I also think that it's harder bc I'm comparing her to my ex.
> I'm still very much in-love with my ex,, plus she was gorgeous.
> After 3 months,, I gotta start somewhere!!!
> Everyone thinks the grass is greener when most of the time,, it's not.
> ...


Did the ex treat you better?

Cause if the ex didn't treat you better but did visually look better, and the new one treats you much better, but doesn't "look" better... I have to wonder what is worth more to you.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

As long as you are still in love with your ex, you are not ready to enter into a relationship.

I hope you have informed this missing-her-eyebrows woman of this.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You're still in love with your ex, you've only been apart for 3 months. You have no business being in a relationship with this poor woman.

Does she know you're still in love with your ex?


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I agree. I had no intentions of going out. She asked me out and I thought, a few dates here and there are good. I didn't intend for it to be like this so fast.
Honestly, I think it will take a year to get over the ex. Am I supposed to not date?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

You're supposed to be honest about how you feel and I don't mean her eyebrows.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

TheStranger said:


> I believe you are being a jerk.
> 
> She is most probably a rebound relationship of some sorts for you. You're not ready for a new relationship when you're very much in-love in your ex.
> 
> You're not being sincere with her and she will most probably get hurt by you really soon.


:iagree:

I have to agree with TheStranger here. If you are very much still in love with your ex, you have no business trying to start a relationship with this woman. I think this is why her eyebrows bother you so much. You are nit picking because she is not your ex & it allows you to keep one foot out the door. It is not fair to the new woman at all.

Do her a favor & let her go. She deserves to be with a man who likes her for everything she is & NOT be madly in love with someone else.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, you keep hinting around that you screwed up your relationship with your ex because you thought the grass was greener. Can you tell us what happened? It might make a difference in the advice you get on moving forward.

In any case, though, you are trying to have a relationship with a woman you aren't attracted to as a rebound from a woman you are still deeply in love with. That means you aren't ready to be in a relationship. In order to have an emotionally healthy relationship, you have to be emotionally healthy. You're clearly not there yet. So, be honest with Ms. No Brow. You're shallow, she doesn't do it for you, you're only looking for a good time, and you're still in love with your ex. That degree of honesty should be sufficient to resolve the current conundrum.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

I think you need to get over your ex before you date. Not only are you wasting her time, your also going to cause her to have self esteem issues if you keep inquiring about her eyebrows, because we both know it really has nothing to do with her looks. This is a classic ''its me, not you'' but you are turning that statement around and will make her feel its something wrong with her when there isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Everyone is 100% correct. I'm trying to move on from my ex.
I thought just casual dating, making friends would help,,, better than sitting home alone. 
Women ask me out,, I don't seek them.
I went out with her and she is great. Yes, looks do matter.
Problem is that I think it will take 1yesr or more to get over my ex,,, she meant that much.
Am I supposed to wait around that long!!!
Again, I agree,, just a hard situstion. 
Thank you for responding,, the help I get here is very valuable to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Why is she your girlfriend then.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

rep said:


> Everyone is 100% correct. I'm trying to move on from my ex.
> I thought just casual dating, making friends would help,,, better than sitting home alone.
> Women ask me out,, I don't seek them.
> I went out with her and she is great. Yes, looks do matter.
> ...


If it takes a year or more, so be it. What isn't fair is starting new relationships when you are still in love with someone else.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It can't have been going on very long. It was just recently you were still trying to get your ex-girlfriend back. 

Were you just looking for sex? If so, does she know that?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

In reference to the “Grass is greener” comment: I have heard it said that the “Greenest Grass” is the grass you maintain and cultivate on a regular basis.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Until you resolve the wife thing, you will find reasons to reject every woman you date.

You are being a jerk. She deserves better than this. 

You can date all you want. But up front tell women that you are only looking for sex and fun snd you would prefer to not have to pay for a call girl.

If you find a woman ok with this, at least she will know the score
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

So, you don't find her physically attractive. Do you put a bag over her head when you have sex? Do you fantasize about the former gf to get it up?

Lay off the eyebrows before she suggests you get a personality transplant.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Right now, you're using this woman as one would use an appliance. She is serving a purpose for you - to distract yourself from pining for the ex, to help you feel less lonely and/or bored, as a place to stick it when you get an erection etc. Meanwhile, she is dating you because she is seeking a relationship but is being lead on by someone that can't give her what she needs. 

That's why this is jerkish behaviour.

A year is not that long to wait. However, if you still feel like you want to date someone, then fine BUT be honest with them from the beginning. There are people who are coming out of similar situations, that want company but not a relationship. There's no need to lead people on and it's not nice.

Also, don't offer her eye brown surgery. It would be foolish for her to get it to make you happy. You're not really into her and if you were, her brows wouldn't be that big of a deal.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

You are just not into her....stop being fake and be honest to yourself and her. Comparing her to you ex is just nasty...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> Right now, you're using this woman as one would use an appliance. She is serving a purpose for you - to distract yourself from pining for the ex, to help you feel less lonely and/or bored, as a place to stick it when you get an erection etc. Meanwhile, she is dating you because she is seeking a relationship but is being lead on by someone that can't give her what she needs.
> 
> That's why this is jerkish behaviour.
> 
> ...


Not that it matters, but my personal opinion is when one has been blown out in a relationship, it's best if they do not isolate themselves and get on with their life. Starting a FWB or light dating within a month or two of a blowout is a great way to get over it and have some confidence re-injected into you.

The alternative is waiting forever to "get yourself together", and putting your entire happiness on trying to construct a perfect you, which by the way is impossible.

I've been in the situation, and as a male when I went out and had a FWB it really made me realize how stupid I was for keep thinking about the past, and to realize that this common and simple act I was engaging in is very normal and not rocket science. So the prospect of life again felt great.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening rep
you have every right to want what you want in a relationship. However, you absolutely must be honest with your partner. If you are seeing this as just a temporary thing, that maybe OK with her as well.

For a while a dated a women where both of us knew we had no long term future together (completely different life-plans). It was fine, we enjoyed each other's company, I still remember her very fondly - and we moved on to people who were better for us - no hard feelings either way.

Do remember though that if you are planning a long term relationship, looks change.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

One of my eyebrows is screwed up. I camo it with my hair, thankfully I have curly hair that can frame my face. It does double-duty taking the edge off my big nose too. Now, I could get an eyebrow tattoo (I had a fractured orbital when I was younger and the swelling killed some hair follicles, it's been 25 years and it still hurts sometimes when the weather is hot and muggy and storms roll through) and I guess I could get a nose job too. But I kind of like having these physical impediments. My body is great for 50, and am in good health and decent job, if I looked too good I might end up with someone superficial...would rather be single.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

rep. at the very least, be honest with the new one (without eyebrows) that you are dating. tell her that you're still getting over your ex. 

Since you get hit on a lot, then you know there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't be afraid of losing anyone for now. Take it slow.
Take it easy. Casual dating maybe, but certainly don't get serious and tell the other person you may still be in love.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

*Re: Re: New Girlfriend Not "attractive"??*



treyvion said:


> Not that it matters, but my personal opinion is when one has been blown out in a relationship, it's best if they do not isolate themselves and get on with their life. Starting a FWB or light dating within a month or two of a blowout is a great way to get over it and have some confidence re-injected into you.
> 
> The alternative is waiting forever to "get yourself together", and putting your entire happiness on trying to construct a perfect you, which by the way is impossible.
> 
> I've been in the situation, and as a male when I went out and had a FWB it really made me realize how stupid I was for keep thinking about the past, and to realize that this common and simple act I was engaging in is very normal and not rocket science.  So the prospect of life again felt great.


FWB/casual dating is one thing. Leading someone on is another. The part I take issue with here is honesty. 

There are plenty of people out there that'd be totally fine being in a very casual relationship or FWB, I say find one of those people but be honest that it's not going to go anywhere further.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

when my girlfriend and I broke up,,I spent the first month trying to just get well. I found out that within 1 week of our break-up she was dating a guy,,,she is still with him but she claims to still love me. 
She is hoping that she can get over me and since he checks off a lot of boxes,,she will love him in-time.
When this girl asked me out,,I was slow at first. She has all the boxes checked except Im not super attracted to her. I am trying to NOT be shallow which is why I came on here.
My ex and I will always love each other,,it was one of those "unicorn" things. I don't think we will get back together bc there was so much trauma and pain. This new girl is someone that Im crazy about but Im trying to love her but just cant. 
I don't want to dump her and then in 2 months,,,Im more over my ex,,then wish I had this girl back. 
Again,,Im just looking for people that have been in-love and the other person was a "perfect" match in many ways and also just gorgeous on the outside. I don't know what to do,,my head is so messed up anymore. I really do appreciate the feedback and Im not a jerk,,Im just in a lot of pain and this new girl is a great gril and Im trying to make it work and looking for help


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

The eyebrow thing would throw me off also. You are NOT a jerk for admitting that but you will be jerk if you continue to date a girl you are not into.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Quit trying to make yourself love her. You don't have to fall in love immediately or in six months or a year. Relax.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Sounds to me like this is a temporary relationship. You are using her to try get over your ex and it's not working.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

richie33 said:


> The eyebrow thing would throw me off also. You are NOT a jerk for admitting that but you will be jerk if you continue to date a girl you are not into.


I had one, who had a smoking body, but a tooth shade that wasn't to my preference. My brain kept focusing on it. I was like 22 at the time. At that age I ended up accepting that every single one of us has blemishes, every single one. And it was fine and we had a great relationship. But at first my brain was focused on that aspect.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Getting over your ex will take time. During that time, you need to sit her down and make sure she understands where YOU are and what YOU are looking for. 

You can tell her you are casually dating and not looking for anything serious right now because you're not completely over your ex. 

Because that's true.....

This woman is probably looking for something serious and long term. You aren't giving her the option of making that choice. She may very well say that she is ok with casual. OR she might say ok, well I'm looking for more serious - then you part as friends rather than her hating you down the road for using her. 

If women are "hitting" on you all of the time, your options are pretty much open right?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, sounds like you are NOT ready to date YET. Get over your ex FIRST.

2nd, it's up to you if her eyebrows are a deal breaker. I can totally relate to the whole "weird" thing you are talking about.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Just doesn't sound like you're that "into her"... smoking hot body or not. You're still hung up on your other GF.

Does she look like this? Not to be shallow, but that would probably weird me out too...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

rep said:


> when my girlfriend and I broke up,,I spent the first month trying to just get well. I found out that within 1 week of our break-up she was dating a guy,,,she is still with him but she claims to still love me.
> She is hoping that she can get over me and since he checks off a lot of boxes,,she will love him in-time.
> When this girl asked me out,,I was slow at first. She has all the boxes checked except Im not super attracted to her. I am trying to NOT be shallow which is why I came on here.
> My ex and I will always love each other,,it was one of those "unicorn" things. I don't think we will get back together bc there was so much trauma and pain. This new girl is someone that Im crazy about but Im trying to love her but just cant.
> ...


Your ex is stupid for getting into another relationship week after break up.

And you are following HEr steps and doing exactly the same thing and setting yourself up for failure.

First, break ALL contact with your ex/FOREVER. 

Wait 6 months to a year before you date (when you are over her completely).

ANY contact with ex = reset of your healing (remember that).

Be honest with yourself and this new lady in your life. Think of this as a test. Tell her that you made a mistake and you are still not over your ex, you will need time to heal and would like to date her when ready (assuming you want that due to this eye brow thingy).

If she is smart, she wilL THANK you for being honest.

If she is not so smart, expect a big outburst of anger and bunch of BS to follow........that will tell you that this women is not worth it.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Her circumstances might not be the same as the OPs. She may have been much further along with getting over him when the breakup occurred.

E.g. DH started dating me pretty much straight after a breakup of a long term relationship. People were telling me he needed time to get over it etc etc. Nah, he was over it by the time it ended. We were married a bit over a year later.

I got with someone within a few weeks after a long term relationship breakup. I was very much *not* over it but I was completely honest about it and picked someone in the same boat. We distracted each other for a while and then parted ways.

The difference here is that the OP isn't over it but is trying to form a relationship with someone who is going to be hurt by all this when he realises he was just using her to distract himself. Either you're over it and have moved on, or you pick the right person to help you get over it. You don't pick some lovely person who will start to make future plans and dreams that include you, then pick apart everything you don't like about them to make you feel better about being a user.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

It sounds like you are trying to have the same feelings for this girl as you do for your ex, to fill that void but that isn't going to happen because she is not your ex. You also happen to not be very attracted to her, but that is not the reason you cant allow yourself to love her. I think if you were over your ex, you could allow yourself to be more open to loving her. If she meets all your standards, I think you could overlook something like eyebrows. My advice- just take it slow. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. Where you are messing up is trying to love someone when you love someone else. That isnt going to happen. Just try not to lead her on. Be honest where you stand with her and just have fun. You also seem to be over thinking this. When we over think- we create more problems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I just feel sorry for this woman that never can live up to the memory of his ex...if she ony knew ...


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

everything you guys say are true. Im in a fog, yes I still very much love my ex. I think it will be a long time before someone can fill her shoes. Is it fair to just han out and be alone??
Don't thonk many women want a "casual" relationship. Im trying to move on, Im not trying ot be a douche to her. Im hoping I do develop feelings. Its not easy breing a single dad in my area. I live in an area that is somewhat far removed from "people". Im about 40 mintues from people, I live in the "sticks" as they say.
Being alone makes the pain all that harder. She is a doc and we both work at the hospital. She has eluded to the fact that I still love my ex,,I didn't deny it but I didn't want to talk about it.
I am not "overly" attracted to her but she has so so many other wonderful qualities and Im trying like heck to concentrate on those.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Well, just don't fall into the trap of making empty promises to keep her around. If you don't feel it, don't say it imo.


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## Pufferfish (Sep 25, 2013)

*Re: New Girlfriend Not &quot;attractive&quot;??*



rep said:


> everything you guys say are true. Im in a fog, yes I still very much love my ex. I think it will be a long time before someone can fill her shoes. Is it fair to just han out and be alone??
> 
> I am not "overly" attracted to her but she has so so many other wonderful qualities and Im trying like heck to concentrate on those.


Dear Rep,

I was single for almost 24 years before I got married, moving from woman to woman. I got married after I was sick of trading girlfriends. From what I have experienced, two things in your last post stick out. 

Stop pining after your ex. She has moved on and your chances of getting back are indeed very remote. The saying that an ex is an ex for a reason is true. I wasted several years of my life on two "On and off" relationships that were broken and ultimately remained broken. I would not do it again. I guess I was a slow learner. 

As a rule, you should not waste time on pursuing a woman that you are not sure you want. The reasoning is simple. If you do that, you will never end up with a woman you want. The relationship will become an uphill struggle and you don't want that handicap if you are in it for the long haul. 

I'd say dump your no eyebrow girlfriend. What you are doing is not fair to her. Then stay single to give it some more time to get over your ex. 

My two cents.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

*Re: Re: New Girlfriend Not &quot;attractive&quot;??*



Pufferfish said:


> As a rule, you should not waste time on pursuing a woman that you are not sure you want. The reasoning is simple. If you do that, you will never end up with a woman you want. The relationship will become an uphill struggle and you don't want that handicap if you are in it for the long haul.


This is good advice.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

rep said:


> everything you guys say are true. Im in a fog, yes I still very much love my ex. I think it will be a long time before someone can fill her shoes. Is it fair to just han out and be alone??
> Don't thonk many women want a "casual" relationship. Im trying to move on, Im not trying ot be a douche to her. Im hoping I do develop feelings. Its not easy breing a single dad in my area. I live in an area that is somewhat far removed from "people". Im about 40 mintues from people, I live in the "sticks" as they say.
> Being alone makes the pain all that harder. She is a doc and we both work at the hospital. She has eluded to the fact that I still love my ex,,I didn't deny it but I didn't want to talk about it.
> I am not "overly" attracted to her but she has so so many other wonderful qualities and Im trying like heck to concentrate on those.


God, more you talk, the more red flags go off.

You work with her too? Jesus

Rule of thumb, never get involved with people at work....

Anyways, be honest with yourself and her. She SHOULD respect you for that and give you room/space that you need.

Look, don't look for other people to fill the void and help healing. YOU NEED TO DO THAT. It takes TIME. Sure it sucks now but in time you WILL feel better. 

Give it couple of months....and stop thinking about her/deflect thought as they come.

Meanwhile, go do physical activities and play sports ....spend time with family....friends.....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

*Re: New Girlfriend Not &quot;attractive&quot;??*



Pufferfish said:


> I'd say dump your no eyebrow girlfriend. What you are doing is not fair to her. Then stay single to give it some more time to get over your ex.
> 
> My two cents.


If OP doesn't want to proceed relationship > dump her

If he does once he is healed, be honest and tell her about feelings for ex and fact that you need time/space to heal as it wouldn't be fair to her.

Again, if she is a smart/good woman she will respect that and be thankful.

But make up your mind on attraction thing first!!!


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Don't say anything about the attractiveness. Tell her you need to be single for a while to get over your ex and that the wounds from that are still fresh. She should understand. That way you can end it amicably.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

DoF said:


> God, more you talk, the more red flags go off.
> 
> You work with her too? Jesus
> 
> Rule of thumb, never get involved with people at work....


Nah, I wouldn't say that should be a rule, ever. Many happy couples have met through the workplace. If it's the right person, you wouldn't throw them aside because you happened to meet at work. Not that I'm saying this is the right person for the OP, just that I don't agree with the 'rule'.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

PAgirl said:


> Don't say anything about the attractiveness. Tell her you need to be single for a while to get over your ex and that the wounds from that are still fresh. She should understand. That way you can end it amicably.


He's not going to end it. She's a useful distraction for him. Some people just don't want to deal with their emotions, this is a way for him to avoid them.


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## MelodyAnn (Oct 20, 2012)

Looks like this thread ended, so I wonder why it ended up in the TAM October newsletter. Anyway, my two cents: You are being very selfish using this woman. If you think she is such a great person with great qualities, have enough respect for her to do her the favor of cutting off your ties with her. She deserves someone who adores her, loves her, and is attracted to her. We all want and deserve that in our lives, to be with someone who is crazy about us in every way. By tying her up, you are keeping her out of circulation, so to speak, where she could be out mingling as a single woman and stumble on someone who can really appreciate the wonderful person she is. YOu are keeping her from finding the love of her life. You keep defending yourself as "not a jerk", etc. How can you say that when the reasons you are keeping her in your life are ALL based on self-interest. They are based on your own selfish considerations and convenience. You are concerned about living in a small town where you are physically far away from the closest single women, worried about being a single dad and the difficulty of finding someone, afraid to be lonely, etc. It is all about you and your needs, and shows no genuine concern for the needs of this woman you praise as a great person. You are using her, plain and simple! It's one of the most selfish things people do on this Earth - to rob someone of precious time and opportunity to find the right person just for your convenience or to prevent your own loneliness. YOU are NOT the right person for her. Do the right thing, and set her free! She deserves so much better than what you're offering.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk3JbTjArUk

Just sayin...Jimmy Soul


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## nam3 (Oct 18, 2014)

STOP comparing her to your ex! You Sir are not cherishing the current moment. That in turn is going to cause problems. If all she has "bad" going on are not having eyebrows, OMG you are so vain! They're coming up with new tools to get them, have her youtube a tutorial, etc. And YOU pay for it.


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