# Am I in the wrong?



## Hibiscus88 (Jan 9, 2017)

Ok, just needing some outside opinions.
This is a silly issue and I think my (probably) soon to be ex-husband is overreacting.

I've always struggled with insecurity and I've recently started seeing a counselor since I'm dealing with that, some anxiety, and what looks like a separation in August when our lease is up. This insecurity has multiplied since my husband has admitted to that while I'm "hot" he's not attracted to me anymore since we aren't getting along. He's also admitted to finding quite a few other women attractive.

Anyway... we live in NC, which is a little more conservative than some areas. Since it has been warmer there have been people already sunbathing at the pool. I'll admit, I do get a little insecure with all the women in bikinis, but I don't freak out about it. Well yesterday there was apparently a woman sunbathing completely naked at our pool. Many women will lay on their stomach's and untie their top, not an issue. Well this woman also untied her bottom as well and her whole bottom was exposed. In a small complex with tons of kids and buildings that surround the pool I'm not sure that this is appropriate. Especially in NC, where thongs are not allowed at pools or most beaches. And obviously I got a little insecure.

With it getting warmer I know this person will more than likely be out there more often, and we have tons of kids in our complex. Not to mention I don't want to see her bare bottom, nor do I want my husband seeing this naked woman and telling me about it. So I sent a nice email to the office asking about the policy, and letting them know that there was a person in the nude at the complex pool. I just asked nicely if they would send out a group email letting people know the policy.

Well, the manager called me today but I was working so he called my husband to ask the details. He started texting me at work, angry that he got a call about this situation and that he was now involved. He was saying all this stuff like " this is going to happen, this will happen, she might lose her lease, it's your fault...." and so on. I got an email from the complex manager and he didn't say anything about that, just that they would address it with her to make sure it didn't happen again.

So now my husband keeps telling me I'm crazy, It's not a big deal, I'm trying to make trouble for people, etc. 

So... was I in the wrong? Obviously if I let it go, other people, especially one of the parents in our complex would have done it anyway.


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## Hibiscus88 (Jan 9, 2017)

We live in the edge of rural NC... It 100 % would have been reported eventually.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

I sometimes go over the speed limit.

Am I wrong to go over the speed limit?

Other people speed, all the time. If it wasn't me breaking the law and getting caught it would have been someone else.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Your husband is reacting like an idiot and I wonder what his emotional investment is with this woman.

Your marriage is clearly in a lot of trouble from your thoughts and his lack of trust and respect for you.

I'm a raging heterosexual barbarian and I would have confronted her directly and reported her if she didn't immediately correct her behavior.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You're not in the wrong.
You did something that was important to you, in a polite way.

I'd go tell your husband that what he's saying is completely exaggerated BS since you have been communicating with the complex manager and no one said anything about her losing the lease.
Then walk away and be confident that you did nothing wrong.
Even if she did lose it, that's not your problem. She shouldn't be naked bathing by the pool, if that is the complex policy.

The beginning of the end of your security issues lies primarily in your ability to call him on his crud when it is obviously meant to make you second guess and feel.... insecure!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

As much as I might enjoy looking, it's 100% correct of you to report, your husband is looking to start **** with you, and you should let her worry about the consequences of nude sunbathing at a freaking apartment complex for goodness sake. There's all kinds of husbands that would look and get in trouble, all kinds of young boys that would be getting all riled up, and just a horrible example period for young girls to follow. If she needs attention that damn badly, let her go somewhere private and get it.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

No your not wrong. Your husband just has a different stance/opinion than you. Some people don't want to rock the boat and don't want to involve themselves in issues. And there are people like you who see something you don't like, something that in your opinion is wrong and you do something about it. 

Your not wrong at all. But your husband will never agree with you.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hibiscus88 said:


> Ok, just needing some outside opinions.
> This is a silly issue and I think my (probably) soon to be ex-husband is overreacting.
> 
> I've always struggled with insecurity and I've recently started seeing a counselor since I'm dealing with that, some anxiety, and what looks like a separation in August when our lease is up. This insecurity has multiplied since my husband has admitted to that while I'm "hot" he's not attracted to me anymore since we aren't getting along. He's also admitted to finding quite a few other women attractive.
> ...


No you weren't in the wrong, she was. She is hardly going to loose her home because of this, just given a warning. There do need to be some rules so that its a nice and suitable place for the whole family. Your husband over reacted, or maybe he just likes ogling her.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> No you weren't in the wrong, she was. She is hardly going to loose her home because of this, just given a warning. There do need to be some rules so that its a nice and suitable place for the whole family. Your husband over reacted, *or maybe he lust likes ogling her*.


Bingo! Hubby is defensive because he has a vested interest in keeping her naked butt by the pool.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> No you weren't in the wrong, she was. She is hardly going to loose her home because of this, just given a warning. There do need to be some rules so that its a nice and suitable place for the whole family. Your husband over reacted, or maybe he lust likes ogling her.


Freudian slip? LOL! Very punny!!:grin2:


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

I've lived the life with an insecure woman, and its a living nightmare, the husband may seem to have overreacted, but this won't be a one off, forgive me if I'm wrong but the constant accusations of oogling other women, slowly starts to grind on you, day and night 7 days a week 365 days a year. I admit I've made some assumptions here but it sounds a lot like what I went through.

What are you like about TV shows and nudity on TV?

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Freudian slip? LOL! Very punny!!:grin2:


:laugh:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Frankly, everybody's in the wrong :|

You, for reporting somebody mainly because it made you feel insecure, and saying it's "because there's kids around". Well, then the parents of those kids can do the reporting, if they choose. You did it for selfish reasons, not altruistic ones.

Him, for putting somebody else ahead of you and/or not having your back. Not cool.

The sunbather for stripping it all off in a public common area. Some people have no issues with nudity (like me, but I don't live in NC, or America for that matter), but they really should be more cognizant of the time and place for it.

But really, your husband's kind of jerk for reacting that way.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Are there any notices posted strictly forbidding naked sun bathing? Maybe a city ordinance? I'm just wondering why the woman thought it was OK to expose her backside in a public environment. I would guess if you didn't report her someone else would have, I wouldn't loose any sleep over it. 

I will say your reasons were self serving though, and your husbands reaction was over the top.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't for one minute think that you reported her to protect the children (and from what? A bare butt? Lol). I would have reacted the same way as your husband. I mind my own business, do my own thing and let others do theirs, as long as it's not hurting anyone - and this woman wasn't.

As an Aussie, I'm once again flabbergasted and a little amused that Americans get so worked up over a bare bottom but don't bat an eyelid at guns being handed out like lollies. Wow.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I don't for one minute think that you reported her to protect the children (and from what? A bare butt? Lol). I would have reacted the same way as your husband. I mind my own business, do my own thing and let others do theirs, as long as it's not hurting anyone - and this woman wasn't.
> 
> As an Aussie, I'm once again flabbergasted and a little amused that Americans get so worked up over a bare bottom but don't bat an eyelid at guns being handed out like lollies. Wow.


You don't live here. Nor do you understand the kind of people that live here.
Try not to be so judgenentak about our guns. And shat does this have to do with the thread?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Part of the whole jealousy thing, is that it is insulting to the person who is on the receiving end. I dated some jealous guys before, and every move I made, was questioned. It was exhausting. And after a while, it just makes the person feel like they are being accused of something they didn't do. So, when you are being insecure, it's affecting your husband in a way that makes him feel like you don't trust him, which leads to him feeling bad for no reason. So, just something to consider when you act out like this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I don't for one minute think that you reported her to protect the children (and from what? A bare butt? Lol). I would have reacted the same way as your husband. I mind my own business, do my own thing and let others do theirs, as long as it's not hurting anyone - and this woman wasn't.
> 
> As an Aussie, I'm once again flabbergasted and a little amused that Americans get so worked up over a bare bottom but don't bat an eyelid at guns being handed out like lollies. Wow.


My husband is an Aussie and I am British. I agree over the guns thing, but I disagree with you over the nudity. There are laws about nudity in public, why should she disobey them? Why does the op have to put up with that when she just wants a nice time down by the pool? Why do the parents of teenage boys have to deal with that? Why should this lady be allowed to make others uncomfortable in a public place? If its her own pool in her own garden fair enough, but not there. Its a purely self seeking act to get attention. She will probably then complain that men are leering at her.  Its pure selfishness on her part.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Part of the whole jealousy thing, is that it is insulting to the person who is on the receiving end. I dated some jealous guys before, and every move I made, was questioned. It was exhausting. And after a while, it just makes the person feel like they are being accused of something they didn't do. So, when you are being insecure, it's affecting your husband in a way that makes him feel like you don't trust him, which leads to him feeling bad for no reason. So, just something to consider when you act out like this.


Jealousy is fine in its context and with good reason. I wonder how this husband would react if there was a man by the pool sunbathing naked? I think he would react very differently.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Jealousy is fine in its context and with good reason. I wonder how this husband would react if there was a man by the pool sunbathing naked? I think he would react very differently.


But she's a random stranger...not trying to get with the husband. To get jealous over every random attractive stranger you might see, and view it as a threat to your relationship...that seems like a lot of negative energy to me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> But she's a random stranger...not trying to get with the husband. To get jealous over every random attractive stranger you might see, and view it as a threat to your relationship...that seems like a lot of negative energy to me.


The women is acting badly and selfishly, she is also breaking the law. It was right that she was reported.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> The women is acting badly and selfishly, she is also breaking the law. It was right that she was reported.


I agree that it's weird that the woman would be laying out at a family pool like that, but there seems to be a bigger issue here surrounding the OP's jealousy and insecurity. I think his reaction was weird, also. But, just because someone like that comes into his view, doesn't mean he is interested in her.


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