# Psychological Term for "The Fog"?



## Just Not Goood (Oct 24, 2011)

The Fog is discussed on this board often. Man, experiencing it is worse than the actual infidelity. Demonizations from the one person who meant so much is so damn frustrating.

Anyway, the concept is textbook, that is, most wayward spouses show signs of the fog, right? Was wondering if there is an actual psychological concept that describes it.

Is it possible the Fog is the same as "Cognitive Dissonance"? Any psychologists out there? Here is a wiki article on the concept:

Cognitive dissonance - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I believe the technical term is called "dumbassery"


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I believe the technical term is called "dumbassery"


:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

It's "Cranial Rectum Insertion"

It's cured when you hear a loud POP sound.


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## code7600 (Mar 20, 2011)

limerence. See Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
some shrink made it up.

~~~
"What we have here is a failure to communicate." The Captain


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I believe the technical term is called "dumbassery"


I think Apple would call it "Asshatery"...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

to answer seriously, I think pre-exposure a better term would be compartmentalization. Cheaters have to put their separate lives into neat little boxes and keep them separate (which, of course, doesn't really work but for the truly psychotic/machievellian types). It's when those boxes get opened up and spilled out is when the cheater breaks into defensive mode. At that point, the cheater either wakes up to the carnage or desperately tries to pick up the pieces and put them back into their boxes to no avail.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I believe the technical term is called "dumbassery"


I thought it was Douschebaggery? No?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Geoffrey Marsh said:


> I thought it was Douschebaggery? No?



well psychiatrists have debated this for some time now and have separated into three camps- dumbassery, asshatery and douschebaggery

One day we may see a unified theory of all three, Einstein has even tried and failed but recently string theorists have come up with a mathematical model that works but the problem lies in that if it's true then we must have 11 dimensions and therefore 11 different waywards.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

they do experience cognitive dissonance. that just helps them to build a good story line though. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/21172-never-say-never.html


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Everybody compartmentalizes to some extent. The police officer or soldier who has shot and killed an attacker or enemy combatant must do it in order to avoid a possible mental breakdown. The rest of us must do it as well when we are exposed to tragic stories that are too much to bear.

The problem is that unlike the examples above, the cheater's compartmentalization is not done for survival purposes but for self gratification, though they will often argue vehemently that their betrayal was for their survival. They don't want to admit that unlike the police officer and the soldier, they can get away from their 'attacker' long before they have to resort to 'infidelity for my survival' mode.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> One day we may see a unified theory of all three, Einstein has even tried and failed but recently string theorists have come up with a mathematical model that works but the problem lies in that if it's true then we must have 11 dimensions and therefore 11 different waywards.


Unfortunately Einstein himself was a 'sufferer' of one of those 3 conditions.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

if you have an angel on one shoulder, devil on the other...

cognitive dissonance is when the devil gaslights the angel.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> The problem is that unlike the examples above, the cheater's compartmentalization is not done for survival purposes but for self gratification, though they will often argue vehemently that their betrayal was for their survival. They don't want to admit that unlike the police officer and the soldier, they can get away from their 'attacker' long before they have to resort to 'infidelity for my survival' mode.


Personally the compartmentalization I did during my EA was both for my survival and it almost killed me at the same time. My affair world and my real life were like matter and anti-matter - I could never let them meet in my head or it might explode - or something worse. I had to compartmentalize what I was doing because if fantasy saw reality I had to confront what I was doing and I wasn't prepared to do that. Selfish? Completely.

It all most killed me in that despite the fact that I was compartmentalizing the whole thing I was still having to play referee inside my own head - fantasy or reality - which one am I in? How do I live with this? How can I be doing this? I can't stand to quit the affair? I am betraying the woman I love? Makes me want to puke just recalling it enough to type it. I literally didn't get more than 3 hours sleep for the last month it went on despite taking ambien and drinking way too much every night. 

When it all blew up and the two worlds met was such a relief for me. Yes I had to confront and admit what I had become involved in, yes I had to watch my wife crumble in the face of my betrayal but at least it was all out in the open and I didn't have to maintain those compartments any more.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

code7600 said:


> limerence. See Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> some shrink made it up.
> 
> ~~~
> "What we have here is a failure to communicate." The Captain


I think "limerence" is a precise term for the "in love" part towards the AP. As to "the fog", I think the term to OP is looking for, and which certainly is fueled by "cognitive dissonance" is *Delusion*.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Personally the compartmentalization I did during my EA was both for my survival and it almost killed me at the same time.


Right here you are still justifying the reason why you had your EA. If your emotional survival was at stake and your wife was being emotionally poisonous to you, then you had other options such as informing your wife you were growing too close to another woman, request that the two of you seek marital counseling, and if that didn't work, then filing for legal separation and subsequently divorcing her.

You of all people should know that an affair doesn't solve anything, it just makes a bad situation much more worse. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict who tries to self medicate only to destroy the very emotional/mental health he is stating to protect.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

code7600 said:


> limerence. See Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> some shrink made it up.


Just read that whole thing, not a big fan of the word, but its very accurate in many regards. Interesting read, thank you.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

My affair wasn't about my emotional survival in any way shape or form, compartmentalizing it was how I survived having it - not justification for it.

Wonderful, beautiful, loving wife over here in the left hand, AP and affair land over here in the right. If the left had is so wonderful (which it was and is) why do I need what am I doing with what's over here in my right? I don't know but I don't want to put down what's in either hand, so compartmentalize and think about it later. 

If anything my affair almost emotionally killed me. Maintaining those compartments is extremely emotionally draining.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I stand corrected sigma1299.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> I stand corrected sigma1299.


I was an epic cake eater...

The day my AP contacted me on facebook I was a very happily married man. I had no emotional needs that weren't being met so my emotional survival wasn't at stake. 

I only figured out that I did in fact have some needs that weren't being met (as did my wife) long after the affair ended - actually as a result of prodding from people here that I had to figure out why I did what I did.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

sigma1299 said:


> My affair wasn't about my emotional survival in any way shape or form, compartmentalizing it was how I survived having it - not justification for it.
> 
> Wonderful, beautiful, loving wife over here in the left hand, AP and affair land over here in the right. If the left had is so wonderful (which it was and is) why do I need what am I doing with what's over here in my right? I don't know but I don't want to put down what's in either hand, so compartmentalize and think about it later.
> 
> If anything my affair almost emotionally killed me. Maintaining those compartments is extremely emotionally draining.


Sounds similar to my husband's affair and what he was thinking during it. On our anniversary last year, when he was knee deep into the affair, we went out to dinner and had a wonderful night. He told me after d-day about some of his thought processes on that night because I couldn't understand how he could celebrate our anniversary while telling another woman he loved her too. While at the restaurant he remembers waiting for me in the lobby, when I walked in he had this rush of feeling lucky. He was the lucky one not only having dinner with me, but getting to share a life with me. Then his next thought was, "What the hell am I doing having an affair?" Instead of pondering the question for real, he just tucked it away and buried it so he could enjoy the night. As long as he kept telling himself he'd end it eventually and I'd never find out, then he could keep it tucked away to deal with later. 

The ability to compartmentalize allows the cheater to put off making any decisions about the future. It's a "wait and see" or "let the chips fall where they may" attitude. I think "the fog" is a different portion of the affair. I see the fog more as the rush they get with the AP and thinking about the "potential of possibilities". It's like the fog is the high experienced by affair emotions, but the compartmentalizing is the way one can keep the high going.


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## Just Not Goood (Oct 24, 2011)

I like the *********gery. How bout ****ingstitsm


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## Just Not Goood (Oct 24, 2011)

c-u-n-tingstistsm


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