# Umwanted Separatiom



## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

Hi, I'm new around here but after ready a few posts I thought it was time to post my story in the hope that someone might have some advice.
I have been married for almost 5 years and thought we were happy then the day after new year my husband told me he was leaving me. He moved back to his parents. This was so out of the blue it floored me. He said he had been unhappy for months but didn't know how to tell me and couldn't pretend any more. 
I didn't see any warning signs and he has never expressed that he was unhappy.
He won't consider counselling as he says he has been working at it for months and nothing has changed ( how could it if i didn't know anything needed to change!)
He swears there is no one else but I am not sure I believe him.
We still talk most days but not about anything important the moment I venture there he gets defensive. He says he wants to remain friends but it is killing me.
I miss him everyday but I know I have got to let go I just don't know how.
Sorry if this is rambling i just can't articulate how I am feeling, any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

95 percent chance he's got a girlfriend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Cubby said:


> 95 percent chance he's got a girlfriend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Vix at some point the picture will become more clear

Look for Weightlifters posts for recon help

At this point live your live

55


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Vixen1980 said:


> Hi, I'm new around here but after ready a few posts I thought it was time to post my story in the hope that someone might have some advice.
> I have been married for almost 5 years and thought we were happy then the day after new year my husband told me he was leaving me. He moved back to his parents. This was so out of the blue it flawed me. He said he had been unhappy for months but didn't know how to tell me and couldn't pretend any more.
> I didn't see any warning signs and he has never expressed that he was unhappy.
> He won't consider counselling as he says he has been working at it for months and nothing has changed ( how could it if i didn't know anything needed to change!)
> ...


It's ok, take deep breath and take moment to collect your thoughts. I know how you feel, going through the same thing. Did you offer going to MC?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

Yes but he doesn't want to know.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Vixen1980 said:


> Yes but he doesn't want to know.


Sorry to hear that. Maybe you should give it some time. The more you plead with him the farther you push him away. This one I know from personal experience. Try and find out what the real problem is and go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

Thank you RSFWIS I appreciate it, I know you are right it is just really hard. My head is going round and round coming up with every scenario possible. I really am my own worst enemy.


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Vixen1980 I was in your shoes last month, my husband left and that was it. I find out 2 weeks later there was someone else! 
Trust your intuition!

at anyrate even if there is someone else it doesnt matter anyway. You will get alot of advice about the 180 and no contact with him.
Do yourself a favor and Take the advice.

Its going to be hard, you wil fall apart and pick yourself backup again 100 times before things start to clear up for you.

Give him space, and all the things done in the dark will eventually come to light. I dont know if you are a religious person or not.. but call on whatever higher power you beleive in to get through this.

somehow you ended up here wit all of us and Im so sorry you are here. But vent it out.. whatever you are feeling whenever you are feeling vent it here.

TAM has helped me tremendously, im no where near feelng better.

When you start to think about him or your situation, tell yourself to stop and replace the thought with something else that you will wnat to do for yourself.

For example.; my mind starts to bring up all the lies my husband told me and how he deceived me.. as soon as my brain registers it, i literally half to talkt o myself out loud and tell my self what all my goals are and focus on that alone.

This isnt easy... its hard..sometimes i feel like it wouldhave been better if my Husband just died rather than go through this pain. but at the end of the day YOU are the only one that matters.

You are deserving of something better.

Your husband didnt try, He ran out on you and gave up.. which is what cowards with something to hide do. He says he tried becuase he was there.

There is a big difference between showing up and participating. he cant face those facts and the pain he is causing you so he ran away. Its selfish and self indulgent and disrespecful.

I dont have any answers for you my dear, but keep comming back and keep reading.

Thinking of you
xoxo


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Brystensmom said:


> Vixen1980 I was in your shoes last month, my husband left and that was it. I find out 2 weeks later there was someone else!
> Trust your intuition!
> 
> at anyrate even if there is someone else it doesnt matter anyway. You will get alot of advice about the 180 and no contact with him.
> ...


You probably won't get any better advice than this. It is not selfish but it is time to focus on YOU.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

Stretch said:


> You probably won't get any better advice than this. It is not selfish but it is time to focus on YOU.
> 
> Be strong,
> Stretch


Thank you everyone for you advice. Turns out my instincts were right he is now seeing the very same colleague from work he swore blind he wasn't interested in. I'm devestated and furious. I can't think straight i am so mad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Vixen1980 said:


> Thank you everyone for you advice. Turns out my instincts were right he is now seeing the very same colleague from work he swore blind he wasn't interested in. I'm devestated and furious. I can't think straight i am so mad
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



What are your plans now?


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Vixen1980 said:


> Thank you everyone for you advice. Turns out my instincts were right he is now seeing the very same colleague from work he swore blind he wasn't interested in. I'm devestated and furious. I can't think straight i am so mad
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The picture is pretty clear now huh Vix

Please listen to the advice here

55


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## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I'm going through the same thing right now and understand your pain.

Take the advice you've been given about doing the 180, if nothing else, for your own emotional protection.

All the emotions you have are perfectly natural and they won't go away right away. I've known for 3 weeks and it's barely better than the day after.

Take care of yourself first and foremost. You didn't mention children, if you don't have any, the 180 should be a bit easier. 

Positive thoughts out to you.


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## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

I'm ok it seems funny really but in some ways it's a relief to know I am not going mad!
What is this 180 you all keep mentioning? Sorry if that is a daft question!


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

A strategy to heal, become the person you want to be and move towards your future with optimism.

The Healing Heart: The 180

Anger can be a motivator while sadness held me back.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## Vixen1980 (Mar 2, 2014)

Hi everyone sorry I haven't been around for a few days I kind of shut down and hibernated. I know you are all right. He has tried to convince me nothing is actually going on it is all an elaborate ploy to help a friend out with a stalker ex! I wasn't born yesterday and I think him believing I would fall for that is more of an insult than anything else!
I'm keeping busy it is just the weekends that are hard, too much time to fill!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Hope all is well with you! Xoxox

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Vixen1980 said:


> Hi everyone sorry I haven't been around for a few days I kind of shut down and hibernated. I know you are all right. He has tried to convince me nothing is actually going on it is all an elaborate ploy to help a friend out with a stalker ex! I wasn't born yesterday and I think him believing I would fall for that is more of an insult than anything else!
> I'm keeping busy it is just the weekends that are hard, too much time to fill!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Any update Vixen? 

And to go off on a tangent why do I like the word vixen?


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