# Can an ex-cheater be trusted?



## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

I have been going out with a very nice lady for about three months now. We started out as casual friends and then started having feelings for each other. We have a lot of things in common and she is really sweet and helpful. Sometimes when she visits me, she will cook a nice meal or she will help to clean and tidy up my place. She did this on her initiative. I have asked her not to do it but she insisted. She is a warm and helpful person by nature.

The thing about her is that she cheated on her ex-husband. That was about 10 years ago. She said it was all her fault. She cheated with her co-worker. She wanted to know if the grass is greener on the other side and the co-worker seems to fit the bill as in the perfect man for her. She said she was foolish and regretted her action. One thing I noticed about her is that she never said anything bad or negative about her ex-husband. Her ex-husband has since remarried and has a wonderful family. It looks like she respected her ex-husband, it was just that she was being stupid at that time (in her own words).

I know that was more than 10 years ago but there is always a possibility that history may repeat itself. Though I am falling for her but I remain cautious. However, something happened last week that made me re-examine my relationship with her as to whether I should take it deeper. Last week, I was very sick - high fever and throwing up. I couldn’t hold any food in my tummy. She and I bought some really expensive concert tickets. As luck has it, I got sick. The tickets were with her. I told her to attend the concert with anyone she wishes with my best compliments as I have no use for the ticket. I cut the conversation short with her as I wasn’t feeling well.

That evening, I switched off my phone as I wanted to rest and needed a good night sleep. Just as I was about to sleep, I heard someone knocking on my door. I was irritated and when I opened her door, it was her standing there with some hot soup. I asked her why wasn’t she at the concert? She said she will only attend if I am going. Right now, she rather be with me and look after me. She said we can attend the concert some other time when I feel better. I thought that was very nice of her but not sure whether she is co-dependent (like some of the posters here have been talking about). That made me fall for her even more but given her past, I am afraid of taking the relationship to the next week. What do you guys think? Can an ex-cheater be trusted? By the way, she was the one who told me she cheated. I didn’t ask her.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

i feel like im her ex husband. My wife just cheated on me and she'll realize sooner or later that the grass isnt greener thats for sure. Would I trust her 10 years later? Prob not, but the fact that this woman ditched the concert to be there with u sz something about her integrity. She could have easily went with another guy and then u really would have been questioning things. I would take it slow and just see how things go really. She hasnt done anything wrong to u as of yet except showing she actuallly cares....and isnt that all we really want in life, someone to care about us? Go with it bro and enjoy the time u have. Everyone does make mistakes. Im really bitter about my situation but that doesnt mean u have to be.--


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't know this woman from Adam's cat, but she made a mistake 10 years ago and seems like she's taking full responsibility, not minimizing in the least. She seems to have a strong nurturing instinct which is critical for a mate. Hardly enough information to know if she's codependant. 
She sounds pretty good to me, but that's probably a reason you should be careful. I tend to be a pyscho-magnet.


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I don't know this woman from Adam's cat, but she made a mistake 10 years ago and seems like she's taking full responsibility, not minimizing in the least. She seems to have a strong nurturing instinct which is critical for a mate. Hardly enough information to know if she's codependant.
> She sounds pretty good to me, but that's probably a reason you should be careful. I tend to be a pyscho-magnet.


That's the thing. She is too perfect - being helpful, nice, warm and kind. Sometimes it makes me wonder whether such person still exist in this world!


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

J Valley said:


> I have been going out with a very nice lady for about three months now. We started out as casual friends and then started having feelings for each other. We have a lot of things in common and she is really sweet and helpful. Sometimes when she visits me, she will cook a nice meal or she will help to clean and tidy up my place. She did this on her initiative. I have asked her not to do it but she insisted. She is a warm and helpful person by nature.
> 
> The thing about her is that she cheated on her ex-husband. That was about 10 years ago. She said it was all her fault. She cheated with her co-worker. She wanted to know if the grass is greener on the other side and the co-worker seems to fit the bill as in the perfect man for her. She said she was foolish and regretted her action. One thing I noticed about her is that she never said anything bad or negative about her ex-husband. Her ex-husband has since remarried and has a wonderful family. It looks like she respected her ex-husband, it was just that she was being stupid at that time (in her own words).
> 
> ...


Before I'd say anything about this I'd maybe ask / get more information about her past 
did she cheat before that? 
with the husband of prior relationships 
what was her family like like as a kid etc etc more info about her will lead to a much more informed and accurate judgement about her 

This is your life - do not be afraid to ask these questions

Look at it this way what if you go sailing in _and are wrong_ - you're about to get into a time that will become so painful for you, you will always regret not making more effort to know about her. 

Be as sure as you can - you owe it to yourself - not her


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What happened to her relationship with the OM? Was he married too when she cheated ?


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> What happened to her relationship with the OM? Was he married too when she cheated ?


According to her, OM was single at that time. OM broke up with her when he found someone new. She blamed herself for cheating. She sounded remorseful but then I wouldn't know the full story. 

So far, she is has been remarkable to me. She somewhat reminded me of my ex wife - in terms of her personality. I realized this is kinda dangerous for me as I might be falling for her personality rather than the person. That is why I am trying to get a feel from the members in this forum whether I could trust a person who had cheated before.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Serial cheaters never freely tell you the screwed up. They always have excuses and it is never completely there fault. She is forth coming and remorseful....sounds like she made a mistake and learned a lesson. Go slow, more time together will tell you her character. As far as love...the only thing you will regret in life is the risks you never took.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Actually, maybe you can. You see your lady learnt something about herself. She knows she did wrong. She may now be affair proofed. However pre-marital counselling for the two of you might be worth looking at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Actually, maybe you can. You see your lady learnt something about herself. She knows she did wrong. She may now be affair proofed. However pre-marital counselling for the two of you might be worth looking at.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this. If she volunteered the info to you up front, and she seems to show true regret over it, I think she may have changed for the better and will know how to handle turmoil in the future. I don't think she is codependent. She may simply care for you - a lot. I would also make the assumption that all of the good things she is doing for you now are probably the things that she would have done for her ex H that she betrayed - but probably never got the chance to make amends for what she did. That's my take anyways.

Having said all that, if your relationship gets deeper, then full blown transparency is a must as long as a pledge that full and open communication - and honesty - between the two of you from the start. I would also talk about clear, tangible boundaries and consequences for cheating/inappropriate behaviors up front.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

my mother cheated on the man she was with before my father. they have been married 40 yrs now without incident.

so I say yes they can be....maybe they learned from it. people make mistakes.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I think she learned from her past mistake. 

She is taking blame and not pointing fingers. What more does she need to do ? 

I think your beating yourself over the head over this too much.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Not everyone who cheats makes it a lifelong habit. Speaking from personal experience.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

J Valley said:


> I have been going out with a very nice lady for about three months now. We started out as casual friends and then started having feelings for each other. We have a lot of things in common and she is really sweet and helpful. Sometimes when she visits me, she will cook a nice meal or she will help to clean and tidy up my place. She did this on her initiative. I have asked her not to do it but she insisted. She is a warm and helpful person by nature.
> 
> The thing about her is that she cheated on her ex-husband. That was about 10 years ago. She said it was all her fault. She cheated with her co-worker. She wanted to know if the grass is greener on the other side and the co-worker seems to fit the bill as in the perfect man for her. She said she was foolish and regretted her action. One thing I noticed about her is that she never said anything bad or negative about her ex-husband. Her ex-husband has since remarried and has a wonderful family. It looks like she respected her ex-husband, it was just that she was being stupid at that time (in her own words).
> 
> ...


It would depend on who she acts in my opinion. I think it isn't something you will find out until after the relationship becomes serious and exclusive. I would simply keep dating this woman but, if she has multiple boyfriends now. I would steer clear. Or if you two decide to become exclusive and she has a hard time letting go. Then dump her and if she asks tell her because your past infidelity and your current inability to understand boundaries. I don't see why an cheater. there is not a thing as an ex-cheater imho you can be an exhusband but once you cheat it is like the Scarlet letter it will follow you and stick with you even if you are loyal til the end of your days. So give her a shot and if she doesn't show she can handle boundaries exit post-haste.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the key here is that she learned from her bad decision instead of blameshifting or justifying the decision.

Once you get more serious I would have a good talk about boundaries and what's expected of each other as a preventative measure


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

J Valley,

How is she with her family, with her long term friends, her neighbors. She is not a loner right ?

Does she have a (real) life besides your romance filled experience with her ?

Observe her with other people. Will you see the same person ?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

J Valley said:


> *According to her, OM was single at that time. OM broke up with her when he found someone new. *She blamed herself for cheating. She sounded remorseful but then I wouldn't know the full story.
> 
> So far, she is has been remarkable to me. She somewhat reminded me of my ex wife - in terms of her personality. I realized this is kinda dangerous for me as I might be falling for her personality rather than the person. That is why I am trying to get a feel from the members in this forum whether I could trust a person who had cheated before.


This would be what worries me.

Otherwise, it would *seem* that she has come to grips with he past poor choices and improved herself.

Without knowing the details of her affiar, it's hard to say if she'd be likely to do it again. The only way that I see to find out, is to contact her XH. This, itself would probably be the end of your relationship if she were to find out.

Have you ever been cheated on before in a past relationship? If so, then coming right out and telling her that you've been cheated on before and you that never want that to EVER happen again. You wouldn't be accusing her of anything, just letting her know that cheating is a big deal with you and a deal breaker.

Have that understanding now and right up front. Let her know where you stand. You love her, you want to let this relationship grow stronger and that monogamy is the only option. If down the road, one of you want's to move on, then they tell the other person and move on. Not the other way around.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Are you the same person you were 10 years ago?
Did you do anything 10 years ago, which at the time seemed like a good thing, but now you recognize as bad?

This woman's behavior points in the direction of her learning from a mistake. She's taking the responsibility for it and she's also being very open to you about it. Is there risk...of course, but definitely a lot less than if she took the "what happened in the past is none of your business" or "my ex-h was this and that (bad) and it was his fault etc. etc."

Also one thing keeps poking it's head out from you. Why are you LOOKING for problems. It's one thing to be cautious, but you seem to be actively looking for problems with this woman. Are you falling in love with her and are scared from previous pain? Be careful. Many times, thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies. If you keep looking for reasons to end the relationship, you might just convince yourself you found something, and then lose out on a really good thing.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Is she still in touch with her ex? She seems to know he's happily remarried. She respects him.

With all that going for her, she still cheated with her co-worker and the affair stopped when the OM dumped her.

Perhaps it's best to find out if she had a road-to-damascus type of experience? What consequences did she suffered from her cheating that she learned from? Were the consequences sufficient to prevent her from cheating in the future?

I agree with LanieB in post #10, she's on her best behavior right now.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Man she dumped a concert, made you soup when you were sick and you're complaining? I thought you were about to say, she went with a colleague of hers?

Look, we live life. It's a bloody lottery who you fall for. Some of us get our hearts stomped on and kicked into trash cans. I've made terrible mistakes but I've learned from them, it's called growing. you've got to give people a chance..that's the lottery.
Will I ever trust someone 100% again...no! Maybe 99%, but my radar is always on for any nonsense which will never be tolerated again.

Maybe she learned from her error and instead of going to a concert to have fun, the money was not important..you were. How cool is that?

Enjoy each other, grow together, learn from each other. Life's for living.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Best not to take the chance. But sometimes you do win at gambling.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

mineforever said:


> As far as love...the only thing you will regret in life is the risks you never took.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to say I really hate lines like this. 

Do the disloyal spouses here on TAM regret taking the risk of pursuing their love interest affair partner? Maybe I'll be in my eighties, wishing I'd cheated with someone I had feelings for! 
I'll hate having that regret 

As for the OP question, I think if she told you *on her own* that she cheated... that says a lot. She didn't *need* to tell you that, right?

I too was surprised by your ending, I figured you were going to say something about her going out with a secret new guy or something.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

im a never ever trust a cheater......but she has been up front with you and she gave up a concert you told her to go to for YOU. if you read all my replies to people im all i hate cheaters but the fact is some do change and become better people.

my opinion i would trust her but thats just me


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Man she dumped a concert, made you soup when you were sick and you're complaining? I thought you were about to say, she went with a colleague of hers?


Yes, this. I have no idea why her ditching the concert and bringing you soup when you're sick has led to you freaking about her cheating 10 years ago when you weren't freaking before the soup. I also don't understand why you think this could mean she's co-dependent.

What is your baggage? What happened with your ex-wife? Could that be leading you to fear people who choose to take care of you instead of ditching you when you're sick?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You know, some former cheaters may be better options for love as they already know their limitations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Here's my 2 cents. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for cheating, but you do not know the dynamics of her previous marriage and why she strayed. Maybe the XH was abusive or emotionally absent, had health or sex issues and the potential list goes on & on. YES, she absolutely should have left and not cheated, but she didn't. With that said, until you know her "thinking" of the why's you will not get a clear understanding. Keep in mind, she has displayed transparency to you by her telling you of this of her own free will.

Additionally, people do change. I know that the things I did 10 & 20 yrs. ago are not the same things I would do today. People evolve, learn from mistakes and simply just do better. Maybe she went to counselling, maybe she is reformed. Look, I know these are all variables, but life is full of them. When you know better, you do better! 

Lastly, the fact that she came to be by your side while sick speaks volumes. She easily could have been selfish (as most cheaters are) and went to the concert with a person of her choosing on your dime. Instead she came to care for you, soup & all. I suggest you take it slow, get to know her better and go from there. Don't look back at your scared past and forfeit what could be an amazing future! Find the good in what sounds like a really good situation. Sometimes we have to walk through the storm to get to the rainbow. Hope you find it!


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Here's a different take and might be controversial....my experience has been a leopard never changes its spots....I have done a lot of reflecting on my ex since all this happened and I realized although she said she was flighty and noncommittal before she met me and "changed" afterwards - that part of herself was always there.
She just covered it up and glossed over it. 

Whatever experiences brought her to think the grass was greener will bring her back to that same place again. She said the reason she moved on is because (at least I thought I saw this) her AP found someone else.....

We talk about it here all the time that those who have affairs have something missing in their characters - I believe that to be true. That does not grow overnight.....

What makes me suspicious about this dame is how she offered it up so readily - my ex did much of the same to "convince" me she was new and improved. 

The question I would like to ask her is "What did you say in your head to make it okay to sleep with some dude and leave your husband of 10 years in the dust?".

I don't know perhaps I am too suspicious.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I cannot speak to the cheating question as I have no experience. However these behaviors of hers would worry me …



J Valley said:


> Sometimes when she visits me, she will cook a nice meal or she will help to clean and tidy up my place. She did this on her initiative. I have asked her not to do it but she insisted.
> 
> That evening, I switched off my phone as I wanted to rest and needed a good night sleep. Just as I was about to sleep, I heard someone knocking on my door. I was irritated and when I opened her door, it was her standing there with some hot soup.


In both these incidents you expressed your wishes (boundaries) and she waked all over them. This is a 3 month relationship and she is already “over giving”. I am a woman and IMO this indicates that she already has a “story of us” (i.e. you and her) painted in her head. My advice is to proceed cautiously and slowly and, observe how she reacts when you have plans that do not include her or when you seriously decline one of her “over giving” gestures. If she becomes angry/hurt … RUN.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> Here's a different take and might be controversial....my experience has been a leopard never changes its spots....I have done a lot of reflecting on my ex since all this happened and I realized although she said she was flighty and noncommittal before she met me and "changed" afterwards - that part of herself was always there.
> She just covered it up and glossed over it.
> 
> Whatever experiences brought her to think the grass was greener will bring her back to that same place again. She said the reason she moved on is because (at least I thought I saw this) her AP found someone else.....
> ...


We don't know how long she was married to her exH. 

We do know the cheating occurred over 10 years ago, so any character growth she has developed was not "overnight".


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

michzz said:


> She sounds focused on you and not on her past.
> 
> *Have you considered that she may have stubhubbed the tickets and made a profit? *
> 
> ...


I was wondering what she did with the tickets. If I gave tickets to a friend who said that they would use them, I would be miffed if they didn't. I could have sold them and gotten some money off of Craigslist or something.

OP, do you know anything about her romantic life during these last 10 years. She may have learned her lesson simply for the fact that she couldn't find anyone else to date her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Red Sonja said:


> I cannot speak to the cheating question as I have no experience. However these behaviors of hers would worry me …
> 
> 
> 
> In both these incidents you expressed your wishes (boundaries) and she waked all over them. This is a 3 month relationship and she is already “over giving”. I am a woman and IMO this indicates that she already has a “story of us” (i.e. you and her) painted in her head. My advice is to proceed cautiously and slowly and, observe how she reacts when you have plans that do not include her or when you seriously decline one of her “over giving” gestures. If she becomes angry/hurt … RUN.


yeah, I agree to watchout for this. Does she have a social life? And since she does all this cooking for you, who's paying for the groceries? You may be racking up a bill here. Remember, nothing comes for free.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- just my .02, but from reading your post. She does not appear to be a bad gamble to me. She clearly thinks of you and has feelings for you as evidenced by her actions. Actions are worth a heck of a lot more to me than words. She didn't have to tell you about the cheating part- again another action... at least from my standpoint. Sounds like she's laying it all out for you to see- good and bad and hoping for the best. 

Now, if you don't have the same kind of feelings for her, don't lead her on. If you do, I would proceed.

While I have never cheated- I am certainly a different person today than I was in my youth. Experience, maturity and a better understanding of who I am has changed me.

Good luck
WD


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

norajane said:


> We don't know how long she was married to her exH.
> 
> We do know the cheating occurred over 10 years ago, so any character growth she has developed was not "overnight".


Okay - no matter how long - she still made it right in her head to go ahead and do it.....

and yes the cheating occurred over 10 years ago - BUT, once again, my experience is once someone has crossed the line, it is easier to do it again. Just my experience....

Others may disagree - I counselled people who had rouble with the law and they told me it is so much easier to cross the line once you have crossed it in the past and even after they "change" they find themselves often tempted to do it again.

Thus the concern of the poster and my concern. 

Funny story - I was married to my wife for over 25 years and I used to say to her when we were married that if I ever dated again I would be such a different person and behave so differently because I had all this insight on relationships and did all this growing while married...yet when I started dating - funny things started to happen that were remarkably similar to when I was dating over 25 years ago......coincidence? I do not think so....

point being - we think we have changed but when push comes to shove underneath it all we are the same.

Perhaps she could change her behaviour but underneath it she thought the grass would be greener (a character issue) and I believe the poster has a justified and normal right to be concerned.

Why do most women always ask the man they are with if they ever cheated on former girlfriends (mine always did) - to see the person's character.....just my .02


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I can't think of any relationship in which I asked the guy if he ever cheated. Maybe because I think this is one of those questions, if you have to ask, does that reflect on you.

OP, another question I thought of.....she said she cheated because she thought the grass would be greener........ did she ever say what exactly she felt was missing in her marriage that this AP might have been able to fulfill.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I do not think it matters what she thought she was fulfilling - point being - she pursued it behind her husband's back. Character issue.

Google what one should ask a new boyfriend and most questions ask about prior relationships and what we did in certain situations with the opposite sex. 

Would I date someone who cheated on in the past....I have and would BUT I would be aware of what they are capable of doing.....(now I know most would say everyone is capable - which is true) but most would acknowledge some are more capable than others.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

bigtone128 said:


> Here's a different take and might be controversial....my experience has been a leopard never changes its spots....I have done a lot of reflecting on my ex since all this happened and I realized although she said she was flighty and noncommittal before she met me and "changed" afterwards - that part of herself was always there.
> She just covered it up and glossed over it.
> 
> Whatever experiences brought her to think the grass was greener will bring her back to that same place again. She said the reason she moved on is because (at least I thought I saw this) her AP found someone else.....
> ...


Life for one betrayed is always forever after viewed through cheat-tinted glasses, but life goes on. It depends on whether you want to live the rest of your precious life unhappy and alone. Not to say that you should go gung-ho and throw caution to the wind, but if your eyes were closed before cheating then they're wide open after..open eyes, radar, thermal imaging, night googles, motion detectors the lot.

Even if you weren't cheated on it pays to always be vigilant. Vigilant to the fact your relationship may be waning and you're starting to take each other for granted, vigilant for slipping into bad habits, dishonesty etc.

Nothing wrong with being cautious but when cautious leads to retentive then thats an issue


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## freedom7 (Jul 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I can't think of any relationship in which I asked the guy if he ever cheated. Maybe because I think this is one of those questions, if you have to ask, does that reflect on you.
> 
> OP, another question I thought of.....she said she cheated because she thought the grass would be greener........ did she ever say what exactly she felt was missing in her marriage that this AP might have been able to fulfill.


Good question. Could penis size have been a factor?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> I don't know perhaps I am too suspicious.


I dont think you are

It's difficult and when many of us have been ripped to pieces by this - it is not an easy path

To take another angle on this if any of you on here met my stbxw she'd come across as similar to the OP woman - she'd admit it (just the one of course) and she has the personality that makes you warm instantly and want to 'protect ' her possibly fall in love with her.

What I know of course is that she'd sooner or later add you to the list of destroyed partners who simply become another infidelity statistic/victim 

Once people like this are confident and on the loose there's is no end to their brilliantly acted out manipulation

Of course not everybody is, thank god, like that but it does of course put you very much on your guard.

I'd still want to find out more about her and the specifics of her previous relationship and why she felt she ought to cheat. 

It's terrible when I look at what I have just written - just look at the amount of trust I have after living with somebody like this 
- not good.

Fking cheaters !


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## freedom7 (Jul 13, 2012)

You can try to do your due diligence on her. Check withmutual azquaintences, and do a background check.
If she is like a high % of cheaters, things will start not adding up.
Look at job history, credit, school performance, and really take a close look at her mom, if possible.


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## freedom7 (Jul 13, 2012)

You can try to do your due diligence on her. Check with mutual aquaintences, and do a background check.
If she is like a high % of cheaters, things will start not adding up.
Look at job history, credit, school performance, and really take a close look at her mom, if possible.


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

Thank you for your replies. All good advice, at least those that I have read (so far). I will continue reading later. Some of you asked me about my ex-wife. She is no longer around. She succumbed to cancer middle of last year. She left me for OM who was a co-worker. Both of them planned to divorce their respective spouses and take their relationship to the next level and eventually get married. However, both of them are gone. The OM died in an accident.

Since my ex left me, I wasn't seriously dating anyone. I intend to take this relationship slow and steady.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

J Valley said:


> Thank you for your replies. All good advice, at least those that I have read (so far). I will continue reading later. Some of you asked me about my ex-wife. She is no longer around. She succumbed to cancer middle of last year. She left me for OM who was a co-worker. Both of them planned to divorce their respective spouses and take their relationship to the next level and eventually get married. However, both of them are gone. The OM died in an accident.
> 
> Since my ex left me, I wasn't seriously dating anyone. I intend to take this relationship slow and steady.


This is sad, ironic and karmic all in the same post.


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I was wondering what she did with the tickets. If I gave tickets to a friend who said that they would use them, I would be miffed if they didn't. I could have sold them and gotten some money off of Craigslist or something.
> 
> OP, do you know anything about her romantic life during these last 10 years. She may have learned her lesson simply for the fact that she couldn't find anyone else to date her.


The tickets are still with her. Apparently, she has checked with the ticket office and they said we could exchange for some other tickets subject to terms and conditions. I think there is a penalty that we need to pay.

So far the information that I got from her was given without any prompting. She volunteered them. I have not done any digging yet. At some point of time, I would need to dig further


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

Red Sonja said:


> This is a 3 month relationship and she is already “over giving”. I am a woman and IMO this indicates that she already has a “story of us” (i.e. you and her) painted in her head. My advice is to proceed cautiously and slowly and, observe how she reacts when you have plans that do not include her or when you seriously decline one of her “over giving” gestures. If she becomes angry/hurt … RUN.


I agree, she is "over giving". The question is when does the "over giving" stop or will it stop at all?


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

I need to make this clear. We have not label ourselves as bf and gf but our actions would show that we are in some kind of relationship. Neither me nor her has asked to be exclusive with each other. I mean we are not kids but if we are going into a deeper relationship, I suppose we need to talk about this at some point.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

freedom7 said:


> Good question. Could penis size have been a factor?


Yeah, the OP should definitely ask this when he's digging for more info. He has a right to know...:rofl:


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