# Need advice. Should I wait ?



## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

Hi, hope you all are doing well. My husband left 4 months ago after dinner when we had a talk about buying a house. Buying a house was not clearly his concern. He was angry , mad and upset since COVID . He could not travel, which he did for living . He was out clycling for hours. I did not see how stressed he was since he did not talk or showed me anything. I was myself affected for my work and did not pay much attention to him for 2 months before he left . I was busy and stressed too. I did not expect him to walk out of the house. He asked for space, I left him home for a day as he asked me to go my mom's. He then left to Canada where he is from and never returned.

He told his dad many stupid reasons, nonsense that was not true. He blocked me right away from all social media and had not have contact until end of July ( he left June 4th) he emailed me in the most horrible way , saying he wanted divorce and that I should return the house and gather his belongings and throw it away. Im devestated and trying to figure out what happened. We did not have daily arguments or problems . We had few here and there but nothing that would justify him walking out.My husband always told me Im his soulmate!

Since we married 6 yrs ago in canada and went to honeymoon right after, We did not go to city hall and have not legally registered. In his email, he said he checked and there is nothing to be done legally so therefore I should not contact his parents and there is nothing to do! This hurts me alot I am terrified! I cant understand nor digest all of whats driving him to do something so harsh ! He is currently out of country ( a place where he had some business there before) and left there from Canada, and have stayed there since July! He still has me blocked everywhere but has my pictures up on his social media. Should I wait and be hopeful or has he moved on ? Im still praying that he would come to his senses. I cant imagine there is someone else or some other woman involved, because he was not that type of a person and showed he really loved and care for me all years we were married. My husband had ADHD and I compromised in many ways before. At first I thought this was a reaction and he will realize and say Im sorry but its been 4 months now and still nothing from him ...


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

No, you should start talking to a lawyer. Do you have any children? You can wait if you want, but you need to take steps to ensure your assets, like a place to live.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You need to start moving on, your "husband" certainly has. You can't just snap your fingers and be moved on, but you can start the process. Any of his stuff in your house, pack it up and put it somewhere else for now - if you can't bring yourself to toss/donate it. Then set a time limit. Say, in two months if he hasn't returned then you toss/donate it. Also, keep a record of him telling you to throw out his stuff, and contact a lawyer. 



fara123 said:


> I cant imagine there is someone else or some other woman involved, because he was not that type of a person and showed he really loved and care for me all years we were married


Did you imagine he would be the kind of person to suddenly walk out, move to Canada, and never talk to or see you again? No? Then don't assume he isn't the type of person to cheat.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What there be to be hopeful about? 

No, you shouldn’t wait. He’s moved on. You need to as well.


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

Laurentium said:


> No, you should start talking to a lawyer. Do you have any children? You can wait if you want, but you need to take steps to ensure your assets, like a place to live.


No children. Im financially stable and dont need money . Also we never filed here in states so legally not registered as a married couple! Mentally I am suffering because he acted as a totally different person for years. Never imagined he could walk out of the house one day with no explanation...


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

bobert said:


> You need to start moving on, your "husband" certainly has. You can't just snap your fingers and be moved on, but you can start the process. Any of his stuff in your house, pack it up and put it somewhere else for now - if you can't bring yourself to toss/donate it. Then set a time limit. Say, in two months if he hasn't returned then you toss/donate it. Also, keep a record of him telling you to throw out his stuff, and contact a lawyer.
> 
> 
> Did you imagine he would be the kind of person to suddenly walk out, move to Canada, and never talk to or see you again? No? Then don't assume he isn't the type of person to cheat.


True , I understand. Maybe but he never looked at anyone . He was not that type . He always showed lots of affection to me . I felt it was real. For years he did everything Possible to make me feel loved. Mentally im destroyed trying to still find some answers..


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I'm confused by your marital status. So you married in Canada, and he says you're not legally married? I married in Canada as well, all that's needed is a valid marriage license, then whoever married you registers the marriage. So are you sure that wasn't done?


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

Openminded said:


> What there be to be hopeful about?
> 
> No, you shouldn’t wait. He’s moved on. You need to as well.


Maybe you are right. Im just hopeful because I love him too much ...


bobert said:


> I'm confused by your marital status. So you married in Canada, and he says you're not legally married? I married in Canada as well, all that's needed is a valid marriage license, then whoever married you registers the marriage. So are you sure that wasn't done?


yes the guy who married us did not register us because he says my husband dad said that we will get that done in states! I was shocked when I heard that. I was under the same impression that we were officially registered in CAnada where it’s acceptable in states... until I found out that was not done. Not even sure if thats legal without my knowledge for the guy not to do that ...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

fara123 said:


> Maybe you are right. Im just hopeful because I love him too much ...
> 
> yes the guy who married us did not register us because he says my husband dad said that we will get that done in states! I was shocked when I heard that. I was under the same impression that we were officially registered in CAnada where it’s acceptable in states... until I found out that was not done. Not even sure if thats legal without my knowledge for the guy not to do that ...


I think you were fed a load of crap. When I was married the forms had to be sent in to ServiceOntario. It wouldn't "get done in the states". Was his dad against the marriage?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

fara123 said:


> Maybe you are right. Im just hopeful because I love him too much ...
> 
> yes the guy who married us did not register us because he says my husband dad said that we will get that done in states! I was shocked when I heard that. I was under the same impression that we were officially registered in CAnada where it’s acceptable in states... until I found out that was not done. Not even sure if thats legal without my knowledge for the guy not to do that ...


Sounds like you were lied to and his father is in on it too. Maybe some sort of scam. Are you originally from the States? He is originally from Canada? What kind of work was he doing when travelling overseas? I think he has someone else or maybe was married before that is why he didn't want to register the marriage as it would be considered as breaking the law.
Your name suggests you might be from another culture where more than one wife is allowed? Sorry if I am way off with this.

So sorry for what you are going through. Please get a lawyer, pack up his stuff and put in storage. You could get a PI to do a background check on your H if it would help you get answers in order to move on.
Do you have family near you or good friends you can rely on now? You may need to get a counsellor to help you work through your emotions.


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

bobert said:


> I think you were fed a load of crap. When I was married the forms had to be sent in to ServiceOntario. It wouldn't "get done in the states". Was his dad against the marriage?


No he was not . He was always very kind to me . His mom was never nice to me .. Im not sure why he never had him register us . I wish I was smarter. Never thought in a million this would happen to me when we got married


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

aine said:


> Sounds like you were lied to and his father is in on it too. Maybe some sort of scam. Are you originally from the States? He is originally from Canada? What kind of work was he doing when travelling overseas? I think he has someone else or maybe was married before that is why he didn't want to register the marriage as it would be considered as breaking the law.
> Your name suggests you might be from another culture where more than one wife is allowed? Sorry if I am way off with this.
> 
> So sorry for what you are going through. Please get a lawyer, pack up his stuff and put in storage. You could get a PI to do a background check on your H if it would help you get answers in order to move on.
> Do you have family near you or good friends you can rely on now? You may need to get a counsellor to help you work through your emotions.


No I grew up in states. My culture does not allow couple marriages, I am half greek. Yes maybe this was all planned out. Who knows? I cant trust anything anymore... what would I ask the lawyer? I consulted one, he said since you were not registered you are not legally known to be married and since he left why would want to register to get a divorce?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You may love who you thought he was but he’s not really that person. Since you aren’t legally married, and there’s nothing “to do”, it’s time to let go of those hopes and start planning your life without him. There’s nothing easy about that but it does need to be done. Start today.


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## fara123 (Sep 29, 2020)

Openminded said:


> You may love who you thought he was but he’s not really that person. Since you aren’t legally married, and there’s nothing “to do”, it’s time to let go of those hopes and start planning your life without him. There’s nothing easy about that but it does need to be done. Start today.


Im on it . Some days better some days go terrible. My poor mom has been very supportive of me. I work all day some days then cry late and then sleep ... its been really hard. I hope these days pass soon ...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Time can feel as though it’s passing very slowly. I was sure I would be stuck forever but one day I realized things were getting a little better. Eventually, I was able to look back and not feel sad even a little. That’s when I knew I was finally over it. You’ll get there. It may take longer than you wish it would but one day you’ll wake up and be done.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So I would NOT accept anything your H says. I would have a legal team (or maybe PI??) investigate and find out if you are legally married in Canada. That shouldn't be hard to verify.


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