# I feel just blahhhhhhhhh



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Oh my god I just lost the longest post, I just put everything out there that i have been feeling today went to hit the spell check 
and blip my thread was a gonner. 

Oh well I guess I feel better. Just needed to talk been feeling like I have an elephant on my chest since my feet hit the floor.


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

If only the problems went away with that spell-check click! Wow, I would pay for a spell check like that! 

This is definitely the place for elephants so unload all you need. Even if you don't, I hope it gets better soon.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Sometimes just putting your feelings into words is enough.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks you guys, I needed a little contact. 

Basically, what I was saying was that I can not believe I have put 15 years into this relationship. He thinks getting text messages, getting girls phone numbers and pictures of strippers, going away for whole weekends and not calling me and his son and then getting yet another text message, posting on Adult friend finders saying he was looking for a F buddy, doing this twice spending money at a strip club while his son and I are at home with no water, putting his credit card on the internet so he can view some web cam girl and also have conversations with 2 of them. Yep this is no big deal. I’m supposed to just go oh well its ok.

After I told him I wanted out all he can say is I’ve changed, not I’m sorry not what can we do. No he tells me he is pissed off thinking about coming home to an empty house. He even goes as far as saying I can’t believe you are leaving because I went to a strip club. UMMMMMMM hello a-hole did you not just do all of the above for the last 3 years yep my son is 3 years old. He is acting like this is just going to blow over if he just does not talk about it; well this is how we took care of things before not anymore I can’t to it. 

Why will he not talk to me????? Is it because he is guilty??????? I just don’t get it; he is not even fighting for he’s family. He’s just going on about his everyday life like nothing. I’m sick of being nothing, he does nothing around this house we have had an addition project going on for almost 4 years yep I have a hole in my bedroom we do have plywood up but that is about it do you think he could have taken one weekend a month to get something done NO. It just goes to show how much he cares. 

I was going to move out, was looking for a room to rent, but nothing has paned out. I’m wondering if I should make him move and get myself a couple of room mates. At least I would not have to explain to my 3 year old why we are living in a strange person’s house. 

I just can’t understand why he would do this to me to us. I’m so over whelmed by this all I’m not even sure I’m thinking right. I just wish I could just go, I want to start to heal and staying here is killing me. I don’t hate him but I’m getting there with everyday that goes by and he just sweeps it all under the rug like I don’t deserve to have the truth. Uggggggggggg

Thanks for reading guys I need all the pushing I can get right now.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Of course it's all YOUR fault...you made him get the money for the strippers. You made him stay out all night. Naturally. 

He's an a$$hole! 

If you can, kick him out. When he goes to work, change the locks. Put his clothes on the front porch. DO NOT answer the door! File a protection order to keep him away. Enforce it.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Re the long posts...do your writing in a word processor (e.g. Word). Save it often, polish it up. Then select it all and copy...then paste it into the post box. How do you think I did it?


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

dcrim----Thank you so much for all your input. Ya I guess Im a little slow.  about the whole cut and paste I think I was just on a rant Pitty Party and did not even think ooooops my bad. 

We tonight he comes home late after being at a friend’s house getting ready for a chili cook off at 9:30. Nice, once again he is really thinking. Gets home one of my friends stopped by to drop off some clothes for my son (she is awesome) he acts as if noting is the matter, asks me to do something for him tomorrow. I said well if I get a chance,(being a stay at home mom I’m never home, I nanny for a 5 almost 6 year old I pick her up everyday and do after school things and take her to school, plus I call myself (mommies helping hand) cause I take care of their house also. Plus I clean 2 other houses every week, oh ya and with my son in tow 24-7, then I get to come home and do it at my house) Anyways, after my friend left, he asked so are you going to the chili cook off? “Ummmm no “Why he asked, “well I got stuff to take care of” He kind of looked at me funny and I said “you are aware that we are not OK, this is not OK, I’m not OK, and I’m over it”. I need to go before I hate you cause when I hate I cant look back. I have to protect myself, you will see once you read the rest of the story.

He said again I never cheated, never would blahhhhhhhh blahhhhhh what ever I said at this point it makes no difference cause it’s so much bigger than just your indiscretions, and Lies, it’s about being the best dad to your 2 children yep he has a 17 year old (I love her to death) about giving of your self to your family cause in the grand picture when you are on your death bed, that is all you have. The people that you treated with respect, love and giving of your self unconditionally. I know I don’t want to die alone, I would love to know that I left this earth with as much love around me as I had given. Anyways, he just keeps saying I would be pissed to; I’m not sure what to say cause everything I say you don’t believe me. ? Would you believe me? 

Then he tried to make me scared by going- how can you afford to move you can’t even afford what you have now. I said I’m not sure but I have done it before and I will do it again I’m even more motivated now because I have a son. I have been out on my own since I was 13 put myself thru school, got small office jobs that I turned into being something. By the time I was 21 I was a WC Claims examiner, then by the time I was 27 I was an HR MNG for an Architectural Firm of 18 people. Then by the time I was 32 I was HR MNG for a company that had 50 EE. I’m very resourceful. I will work at night and keep my day gig and make it happen. 

What ever sorry for going on about myself, I guess I need to remind me that I can do it. Bottom line he can’t tell me anything else because he does not remember all his lies. At least this is what I’m thinking. Sorry to go so long man I have a lot to say.


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

Remember that the law for most states is that a person who has been living at an address (name on the paperwork, getting mail there, etc..) has to be served a 30 day eviction notice from the local court in order to not be allowed back to that address. Even after they've been served, they still have that 30 days before you can kick them out. 

I know it's hard with a little one, but it might just be easier for you two to find a place of your own. That way you can kick him out anytime you please (if you happen to let him over at all).

I've noticed that in most cases, guilty parties are the most defensive when you call them on their indiscretions. He feels bad and doesn't like it so he's trying to turn it around on you. The more he denies and gets angry at you, usually the more guilty he is. 

Good luck!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

I understand what you're going through completely...it sucks. Mine to will not talk, mine too will not fight. But he will acknowledge what he has. I guess apparently it's not good enough for him. I wish I could run amuck amidst the few brain cells I'm assuming are still kicking in there, there can't be too many at this point considering the stupidity that's spewing from his mouth like diarreah from a geriatric man w/severe IBS. 

I often picture his brain cells running around more cunfused than a one legged man in an a** kicking contest.

Ok well obviously I'm very chipper today no?

Hang in there girl. Hugs to you from all of us. I'm trying to slowly dig my way out and you'll get there too.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to write to me.


Now Im just feeling stupid cause, he said he was sorry (for what ) hurting me, but well he tell me the truth or even tell me anything???? I am having a hard time finding a place, I am still sleeping in the other room, while my son sleeps with him. He also said that everything he has done was wrong. That I should be upset. He says I dont know what to do to make it right????? 

So here I am feeling stuck scared still in love (why) I have been thru so much you think I would just walk????? So why the hell do I want to stay cause it's easy??????? Im not sure... I just want to know the right thing to do?????? at this point I dont even know what that is........ I mean hello if we are not going to do anything about anything what the He77. Im so weak and he know's it, I dont have a good enough job to support myself or even have family that I can go to( do I even want to) ugggggggg 

I need some strength I need to know what to do. I just wish he would not have done this to me, to our family. I told him I wanted him to tell me the truth even if it hurt, I just want something.

Thanks again you guys I need a hug


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

(((*** HUGS ***))) girl! You can have my spare BR for free!


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

D- yo always make me  Thank you for that, I guess these days that is all I can hope for. Is a little bit of calm while the rest of the world goes clicking bye. 

I tell you I have these great days and then at the end of the day all I want to do is pull my hair out. What am I thinking what do I want is this what I want out of my life???? For my son????? I suck as a mom right now all I want to do is make the right turns for both of us. I know I will stumble and fall but while I was alone it was fine to fall but with my lil man looking to me to make it all right I feel like I can only flip B#(#@'s like a darn boomarang is that how you spell that??? Darn blonde heheheh I know D- cut and paste. 

I feel as if my life only gets darker and I feel as if I have nothing and no hope, I mean I chose this life didnt I, I chose to have a child with this person. ugggggggg I should have seen the darn flags on fire way before all of this.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, the offer stands...maybe just some time away from it all. Just let me know when you're coming so I can take the trash out, clean the fridge, wash dishes, take a bath...(I can do both of those at the same time!)  

We got Silver Dollar City (1800s mining town theme), Celebration city (water park), paddle boats.  

As Bob Barker says: come on down!  Bring the kid...take a vacation. Just get some "you" time.


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