# Advice please (men and women)!



## tjsnfrd (Jan 25, 2013)

Here my issue is the shortest form possible:
My wife and I have been married for 4 years and together for 5. Shes 14 years older than me and she has an 18 year old daughter still living it home (graduated high school, no job yet). The issue is:
For the past 10 months my wife has been totally uninterested in me. Her daughter got pregnant and my wife let her daughters boyfriend to move into our home (I was at work and out of town....I had no say). Since her daughter first got pregnant my wife has been all about making sure her daughter is comfortable, well taken care of, and doesnt have to do anything for herself. Shes also done the same for the boyfriend. They live in our home and neither works, but she doesnt require them to do anything.

Anyway, the baby was born a month ago, and now I exist even less. I work (the only one in the house who does) and when I get home Im barely acknowledged. My wife is too busy with her daughter, her boyfriend, and their baby. She no longers kisses me, hardly ever tells me that she loves me, and there is absolutely no activity in the sexual aspect of our relationship.

Things were ok before this pregnancy but now it sucks. Ive tried to talk to her about it but shes says Im jealous and to knock it off.

Any advice would be greatly accepted. Please be serious, I dont want "dump your wife" comments, I want real advice.

Thanks very, very much!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Read up on the Married Man's Sex Life, and start implementing it. 

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, how old is your wife? And why isn't she and the boyfriend working?

Many women deprioritze their husband's needs when their babies are born. In your case though, your wife is doing it for a grandchild. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So she says you're jealous? You ARE jealous, because of the way your wife has made it clear you are very last on her priority list! It's her actions that resulted in the way you feel. You haven't conjured this up out of nowhere, for heavens sake.

As for the fact no one else is bringing any money in, hopefully you aren't paying for anything more than the bare bones necessities for these people.

When was the last time you and your wife had a date? Went away for the weekend? What would happen if you scheduled a weekend away for just the two of you?


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## tjsnfrd (Jan 25, 2013)

PBear- my wife is 42, Im 27. My wifes, daughters boyfriend doesnt work....because my wife refuses to live up to the values that I do and has absolutely no expectations of him.


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## tjsnfrd (Jan 25, 2013)

Hope1964-

I work hard to provide for my "family". I work 60 plus hours a week so that I can pay my mortgage, keep the cars insured and repaired (I do that myself), and so that I can pay my bills. They all live well....not that I have a large home, its actually rather small, but they have everything they need...and internet, cable tv and other things that arent necessary. I keep these things so that I can enjoy them.

Anyway, Ive tried arranging dates with her and getting away for a day or two, but she refuses. She doesnt seem to think the "kids" will be ok without her for a bit.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... Your response about why people aren't working is a non-answer. Did your wife used to work? Why did she stop? Why haven't you stood up for yoursf and said its time for some other people to start contributing financially? I'd be keeping my finances separate and controlling expenses pretty tightly. 

My next thought... Perhaps your wife has a major "mothering" need. That's why she hooked up with someone (you) who was almost young enough to be her son. And now that she has a baby to mother, all her needs are being met, so you're disposible. Again, read the book I mentioned, and start focusing on yourself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tjsnfrd (Jan 25, 2013)

Thank you, PBear...I appreciate the advice and the insight. It makes sense to me and is definitely going to be something for me to think about. The mothering things seems spot on. I have got lots of thinking to do. As for the book you mention.....Ill be looking it up tonight and reading it. Thanks very much for your comments PBear!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

She refuses to go on dates with you?!?! Wow.

I'd be seriously thinking about what exactly you get out of this relationship vs what you want to be getting.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

tj,

At least you don't have kids by your wife.

You're still young and you have plenty of options and to tell you the truth, if I was being taken advantage of by 3 freeloaders and their spawn, I'd definitely meet up with a lawyer to see what getting out of this unholy matrimony would cost me


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## Dawn of Man (Feb 22, 2013)

tjsnfrd said:


> I dont want "dump your wife" comments,


If you aren't willing to then I'm afraid there will be no meaningful change.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Dump the wife.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Hmmm to be honest I can never understandhow such a marriage can exist in the first place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about taking the freeloading boyfriend aside and telling him that you aren't working 60 hours any more and it's time for him to start contributing.

If anyone questions you, just say "OK, he doesn't have to find a job, but I'm not working 60 hours."

But in terms of the relationship between you and your wife, what is she missing in the relationship with you that she finds by mothering other adults and her grandchild? We realize that you need to spend time earning in order to provide, but at what cost to your relationship with your wife?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Whenever I read posts like this I always go bak to this thought: insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results...e.i if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Her daughter is 18 and her boyfriend and her mother do not work.

You are supporting everyone. Dude, what the he*l. Where's your head at? 

Seems to me that you are fulfilling all of the responsibilities but enjoy non of the rights. 

You do not have to support the daughter and the boyfriend or for that matter her. 

You have become a welfare check for all of them.

A solution: 

First check your balls to make sure you still have them. Then put the house up for sale, in fact stick a "for sale by owner" sign on the lawn today. See what sh*t you stir up with that. If they ask if they're moving tell them they can do whatever they like but they can't come with you because you're moving out and moving on. 

Stand up for yourself.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

tjsnfrd said:


> PBear- my wife is 42, Im 27. My wifes, daughters boyfriend doesnt work....because my wife refuses to live up to the values that I do and has absolutely no expectations of him.


DUDE SERIOUSLY?

I got to hand it to your wife, the old cougar lined herself up with a baby sugar daddy and now she isn’t even putting out. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

PBear said:


> Read up on the Married Man's Sex Life, and start implementing it.


OP,this is the best thing you can do. The guy has an excellent blog, also.

How often do other women hit on you?

It's a serious question.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tjsnfrd said:


> Here my issue is the shortest form possible:
> 
> ....
> She no longers kisses me, hardly ever tells me that she loves me, and there is absolutely no activity in the sexual aspect of our relationship.
> ...


Like so many of your colleagues, the problem is not within her, she is performing miraculously good on the evolutionary scale.

The problem is yourself. This has nothing to do with before and after the pregnancy. Only now you got a reality check because some threshold was passed. 

But you are now waking up, only to slowly realise you have been dreaming and are now way out of the coast, and realise what you are missing. But it is yourself whose eyes were closed for so long.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Why are you even with this woman she is 42,you are 27,and doesn't even care about you.I can see why she is with you:she doesn't have to work + you will take care of her daughter and her boyfriend instead of it being her biological dad or bf's parents.

I say tell her to stop it all or you will divorce her,also cut money supply for them all.It's not your responsibility to take care of daughter+bf there is bio dad and bf's parents and it seems like out of all the possibilities some random man is taking care of them.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Cut off the internet and cable. Make it uncomfortable to live there. Your work 60 hours a week you are obviously not enjoying it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 28down (Feb 26, 2013)

I agree, make it uncomfortable, man up, set rules and guidelines, how much are you willing to put up with?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you're living with 3 adult freeloaders who barely acknowledge your existence (but happy to eat the food you buy and the cable) and you're told to knock it off? It's not jealously when all you want is what any decent hard working person wants - appreciation, attention, love, respect.

you said that you don't want to hear "dump the wife" but I'm afraid that that is the only self-respecting, self-preserving thing to do. You should not be treated like a doormat. They take and take and take and take. How much longer are you going to be Mr. Nice Guy to these parasites. Why does your wife and the bf think it's OK not to work? what do they do all day? do all three stand around waiting for the baby to poop?

How dare you wife invite 3 people into your home without asking you first. That is the height of gall, of disrespect. It disgusting how little she cares about you.

I'm sorry, but you got taken. It's time to tell you wife how unhappy you are in this marriage and if things don't improve, then you need to walk.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I don't know about your W telling you you're jealous, but you have every right to be MAD at this situation. You are not only being taken for a ride by 3 able bodied adults, but being marginalized and disrespected in your own home.

Both your W and her daughter's BF need to get themselves jobs (even if the BF only ends up packing shelves or doing deliveries), and the daughter and BF need to find themselves somewhere else to live and build a home for themselves asap.

Regarding your relationship, I would suggest MC because it's probably the only way of salvaging it - but frankly, I can't imagine why you would even want to try...


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Oh H*ll no! you are the only employed person in the house supporting all of them? Dude, they are walking all over you. Your wife should be giving you BJ's every night for what you are doing for HER daughter, boyfriend and child! And you cant even get her to go out on a date with you? OMG< I cant say anymore! Please read what you posted again, you are going to get mad after you read it again!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not consenting to abject exploitation isn't "jealousy". You are married but these people moved into your home and no one bothered to ask you? You are host to a collection of apparently ungrateful parasites. If you are basically alone, enjoying none of the fruits of marriage, what's the point of staying in slavery? I doubt you have sufficient influence to alter any of this. They obviously have no respect for you (most especially, your wife). I believe I'd get my own crib and just move out, taking my wages with me. I doubt doing so would motivate your wife to appreciate you or to change, but if you were a little more removed from the situation you might see how exploitative it really is and permanently getting out would be easier on you.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

OP,

Will a 2x4 to the head wake you up? If not, please heed my advice. I've seen this with relatives, "it gets like this and, it gets worse", you don't have anything tying you down except YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!


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