# My husband is not interested in sex



## skittish (Mar 20, 2010)

My husband and I have been married two years. Between the two of us we have four children. He is in his early 40s and I am in my late thirties. He never initiates. I have tried to talk to him about this but he gets defensive. He doesn't seem to have ED. What now because I have always understood that not having sex is an indication of a bigger problem in the marriage. He is very good to me and the children. I am not aware of problems and he says that there are none. I am seriously confused and hurt.


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## slickplant35 (Jun 22, 2008)

I am having the same issues but my husband does have ED and it's horrilbe. He never looks to have sex seems like he has absolutely no interest. My husband is 42 and I too can't understand how someone has no sex drive at that age. I have given up even wondering


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

My whole day is revolved around how to get my wife in the sack at the end........it's a pretty consuming thing, so I can't relate in the slightest.

I always tell her the minute I stop trying to score daily is about the time she needs to start worrying.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

I agree. I'm in my 40's and my wife's no Uma Thurman, if you know what I mean. But I'd have her 5 times a day, every day, 365 days a year if it were possible.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If you have ruled out .... 1) Husband secretly sneaking porn behind your back 2) an affair 3) taking some meds that directly supress sex drive 4) your relationship is in need of repair-resolving resentment, etc 5) Is he totally stressed at work (to name a few) ---

and if he used to love sex and it suddenly went downhill, I would do everything to get his testosterone levels checked, could be a *Hormonal issue*. Testosterone directly affects "sex drive". But he would probably have other symptoms too, like always tired, falling asleep after work, some brain fog, even depression.

If he is highly energetic, it is not testosterone related.


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## MrTalkabout (Aug 25, 2010)

I'm a male aged 31, not married, but most of the time my GF who is not bad looking also initiates sex and then I'm not really in the mood either. I think stress, depression and anxieties and changes in gender roles contribute. It has nothing to-do with gay or erectile dysfunction it much more than that. Its in the way I feel, in my mood and what sex means to me. Perhaps also because I don't feel the same excitement as I used to feel when I was younger, when I was 20 it used to be a big deal to be able to score, see girl naked, feel how her breast feel like. It was this big WOW. Now it often feels like a job or a task just to keep her happy. When a man starts doing it just to please a woman, then sex in general becomes a burden, perhaps due to the position I’m in and the nagging that goes along with it. 

Sometimes the thought, "I'm too tired", comes to mind, or I see her naked to often, I see so many sexy models and celebs that it doesn't excite me that much anymore to see a naked woman. Big deal. Perhaps it’s a subconscious way to stop letting women control me. Since the harder she tries the less likely it is for me to be attracted. For example I will see a woman walk down the street and get turned on, because she has no control over me by doing so. A woman can stand naked in front of me and it will not really grab my attention, everything gets blocked out automatically. Then getting used to a naked female body. It’s like when I got my first stupid little car after school it was like WOW, the best thing ever, now I drive a much better car and to drive somewhere now sound like work and there is nothing to get all excited about now. It’s just a car. That excitement is gone the moment I got used to it.

To see her naked or to look at a tree does about the same to my sex drive. I’m so used too how a female body looks. She undress in front of me, sleep naked. For how long can you still get excited about he same image. When she starts kissing me all I see is hair and her face, not much sexy about that. I also think in the old days women waited until the man initiates it. Then it complimented his sense of “manhood” to be in control and that what sex means for him. Modern women want to be in control she wants it when she wants it and gets surprised that a man is not necessarily in the mood when she wants him to be. And then she say “it makes me feel bad and unattractive if you are not turned on by me”. Well I guess in the modern world both male and female roles and values are taking a bash. When I now have sex this way it actually blows my sense of manhood to a sense of gender role reversal. It feels I do her a favor. She is the dominant one to try and initiate it all the time. I feel fine like this; it’s my typical reaction to a typical condition. if she don’t like me the way I am, she is free to get someone else.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

skittish said:


> My husband and I have been married two years. Between the two of us we have four children. He is in his early 40s and I am in my late thirties. He never initiates. I have tried to talk to him about this but he gets defensive. He doesn't seem to have ED. What now because I have always understood that not having sex is an indication of a bigger problem in the marriage. He is very good to me and the children. I am not aware of problems and he says that there are none. I am seriously confused and hurt.


I guess I'm confused about this whole "who initiates" question.

First, when you do have sex, is it satisfying for both of you? Do you get along otherwise? No drinking, gambling, drug, job or financial problems (other than the ones we all face)?

if there are no other issues, who cares who initiates. If you initiate and he agrees and you have a satisfying sexual experience, keep initiating.

Otherwise if there are problems see a marriage counselor.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

MrTalkabout said:


> A woman can stand naked in front of me and it will not really grab my attention, everything gets blocked out automatically. Then getting used to a naked female body.


WOW...glad I don't have YOUR problem. A pretty woman could stand in front of me in almost a Bhurka....and I'd STILL be wanting that.  My wife drives me crazy...I think she is soooo hot....but...alas.....we aren't "there" anymore. Been since February since ANYTHING happened between us. And it's been years since I've gotten affection, inititated by her. Now....as I walk down the street....hell...even elbows turn me on. Let's not even talk about the short skirts, plunging necklines, fragrant perfumes, sexy heels, sweet smiles.....Ay Caramba!!!

Me thinks you will KICK yourself, years from now...when you will be asking yourself....."WTF was I thinking???!!!!" :rofl:


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## Leaise Igoa (Sep 7, 2010)

Skittish,

You're going to have to find some way to get him to say why he's not into it or you're never going to know. When you two are together, alone and he's in a really good mood... thats the best time to ask.


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