# Sex then love...love then sex?



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Opinions..?

Which worked best for you in your life?

Just wondering..haha


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

The former!


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

haha..very well then!


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

When my wife and I were separated with the intent to get back together, our marriage therapist encouraged us to continue having sex if we were both comfortable with it. She seemed to think that ANY positive experience - especially sex - might help bring us back together.

I'm not saying she was wrong - but I do expect to be divorced by early next year!


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Haha..maybe thatd work more for a woman. Apparently we feel more "attached" to a man when we have sex with him.

Comfortable..yeahh..attached? not so much

Maybe she was reaching on that one..? lol


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Nikki1023 said:


> Haha..maybe thatd work more for a woman. Apparently we feel more "attached" to a man when we have sex with him.
> 
> Comfortable..yeahh..attached? not so much
> 
> Maybe she was reaching on that one..? lol


In hindsight - I don't really think my wife was attached to me anymore at that point. But - I think she still wanted certain needs met. Which for me at that point - was no problem. I still had hope.

At this point, those kinds of "positive experiences" are over, in spite my wife's occaisional offers.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Idk about this. I think if you sleep with someone enough, one party WILL end up catching feelings, even if it's not reciprocated.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

We had love before sex, long before sex. I went with my boyfriend, being "his girl" for over 2 months before we even kissed. I was very shy back then, he kept "working on me" to even get me to kiss him, I finally broke down on a walking trail in the woods. It is all very sweet looking back. I feel we did it the right way- for us. 

I would have been emotionally devestated if I gave myself to a guy who took it lightly, casually & threw me away. I felt very strongly about this in my teen years. I didn't care what other girls were doing, it was not acceptable to me. My husband was the only one willing to wait - for me. ONce I FELT that love from him, how he would do anything for me, I knew he would marry me, we enjoyed ourselves in other ways, but still we waited till we were married for intercoarse. 

I have no regrets that we handled ourselves in this way.


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Idk about this. I think if you sleep with someone enough, one party WILL end up catching feelings, even if it's not reciprocated.



I had a FWB before my H, and he was trying to play it off like he didnt like me so bad..but wound up freaking out when I didnt want to see him anymore. Apparently he told people I was his gf..strange news to me, I never knew that. Crazy how that works, right?




SimplyAmorous said:


> We had love before sex, long before sex. I went with my boyfriend, being "his girl" for over 2 months before we even kissed. I was very shy back then, he kept "working on me" to even get me to kiss him, I finally broke down on a walking trail in the woods. It is all very sweet looking back. I feel we did it the right way- for us.
> 
> I would have been emotionally devestated if I gave myself to a guy who took it lightly, casually & threw me away. I felt very strongly about this in my teen years. I didn't care what other girls were doing, it was not acceptable to me. My husband was the only one willing to wait - for me. ONce I FELT that love from him, how he would do anything for me, I knew he would marry me, we enjoyed ourselves in other ways, but still we waited till we were married for intercoarse.
> 
> I have no regrets that we handled ourselves in this way.


I think its great that you and your husband waited, especially since it was something you wanted to do for each other. Me, on the other hand..I wish I would have slept with more people. Especially being in the situation I am now in my marriage.

Me and my first boyfriend lost it to each other..I was 17 and it was horrible. 2 and a half years of less than mediocre sex.

Im glad yours worked out positive for you.


----------



## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

can i chime in as a guy...

for me, and i would assume the majority of guys, its almost always sex before love.
for the obvious physical reasons, but also men use sex to make a intimate connection.

sure a guy can say he loves you just to "get in the pants", but if youve been with a guy for a while, then the love may come first. but in my experience, sex came first...that said, have enough sex with him and make a decent connection with him and hell fall in love..

its just how were hard wired i think,...

sex for him=affection for her


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I've had love without sex. I've had sex without love. With my husband...it was love at first sight (sooo corny, I know-- but so true) and so it was mutual.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> Haha..maybe thatd work more for a woman. Apparently we feel more "attached" to a man when we have sex with him.
> 
> Comfortable..yeahh..attached? not so much
> 
> Maybe she was reaching on that one..? lol


Only if you orgasm.

There were a few people I never had the big O with. They were easy to walk away from.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL, TG. 

I think it goes without saying: sex WITH love = out of this world amazing


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Idk about this. I think if you sleep with someone enough, one party WILL end up catching feelings, even if it's not reciprocated.


For me, if I didn't O, I didn't get attached. Sex can be good without O'ing...  I had an eff buddy who was just awesome! In bed and out. A dear friend. Never O'd...never wanted more-- and he didn't either. Good times  But we were honest up front.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL, TG.
> 
> I think it goes without saying: sex WITH love = out of this world amazing


Yes! Even when it's bad LOL 

Sex without love was good too. Fun and light. lol.

Love without sex was freaking AWESOME. Never loved anyone that much until i met my husband.


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

elph said:


> can i chime in as a guy...
> 
> for me, and i would assume the majority of guys, its almost always sex before love.
> for the obvious physical reasons, but also men use sex to make a intimate connection.
> ...



Dammmmn. And all this time I thought the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, Ill def come up with a new approach haha.

Thanks for your input everyone. I read an article not too long ago explaining how a man can orgasm with just about anyone, but for the most part a woman needs to feel an emotional connection to the person she's sleeping with in order for it to be "mind blowing". 

Hmm, if I wind up getting a Divorce..I hope thats not true, cause I def dont want to ever give my heart to anyone again, but I still want to have good sex..haha.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Love then sex. I wouldn't have sex unless I was in love. Hello...that's my vagina we're talking about and it's sacred ground.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

lollll You can love people differently though.

My FWB was an amazing artist. We'd paint at night and enjoy a bottle of wine. He was a dear friend. I loved the guy--- just not how I love my husband...it was love though.

And the sex was incredible.

I was dating others, but only sleeping with him. Everyone knew everything...no secrets...but that's how good the sex was LOL!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Yeah, I think so but for me, I wouldn't do a one night stand or keep doing a guy for sex if I didn't love him (in one way or another). I would have when I was younger but I think I grew to learn what I valued and sex without feelings isn't something I value.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Trenton said:


> Yeah, I think so but for me, I wouldn't do a one night stand or keep doing a guy for sex if I didn't love him (in one way or another). I would have when I was younger but I think I grew to learn what I valued and sex without feelings isn't something I value.


I agree with that. I have never had a ONS  The people I've slept with all meant something to me (there isn't many men)...but love like I am in love with Hubs and devoted to him? No.

Trust, respect and friendship were a part of ALL my sexual partners before sex happened though


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

When I was young I was akin to a sex machine but never had an orgasm till I met my husband and we didn't have sex and developed a relationship over the course of months. When we actually did have sex I was blown away by the fact that I was actually feeling something, something really, really, REALLY good. I called my girlfriend on the phone after our first time together and said, "Oh my God he made me cum I'm going to marry him."


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

HA! That's awesome.  I knew I'd marry Hubs before I knew his name. :lol:


----------



## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Sex came before everything else. I had full, unprotected sex with her within about 2-3 hours of meeting her. Not a textbook romance but the raw truth.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My GF and I started off with great sex, but then fell in love. Now it's incredible sex, with the most incredible communication I've had with another person. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Seems like its split. 

Def some interesting responses. Everything from Punany on a Pedestal to hitting it raw after knowing someone for 2 hours. haha


----------



## RECHTSANWALT (Oct 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> ... I knew he would marry me, we enjoyed ourselves in other ways, but still we waited till we were married for intercoarse.


I liked your post, but I hope your first experience was sensual rather than "coarse".
MfG


----------



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Well for us it was sex first...days before we even officially got in a reltionship. Love followed months after.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RECHTSANWALT said:


> I liked your post, but I hope your first experience was sensual rather than "coarse".
> MfG


Too sensual, my husband should have been ROUGHER & banged me good but he is not like that !! He was SO gentle, and my hymen SO ridgid , after 3 months of being married, He still couldn't get it in! This was very distressing !! 

I called my OBGYN with this silly problem. It was a RIDGID one alright-he even said to me. So he went to schedule me for a Hymenectomy -but a blood test confirmed I was "with child" - so no surgery !! We joked our 1st son was the 'immacualte conception" for some time. 

It took another 5 months after that, 8 months married for my husband to *FULLY *penetrate me, he was so worried about hurting me from the beginning, then he had to worry about hurting the growing baby inside of me !! 

I think we celebrated when that FINALLY happened- what relief. Crazy crazy story we have, it's an original for sure.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I popped my hymen on a bike bar when I was 14.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

that_girl said:


> I popped my hymen on a bike bar when I was 14.


 Ouuch - I think I would have been better off if that happened -this really screwed with our enjoyment at the beginning of our marraige. By the time it felt good- I was having a baby! Never in a million years did I imagine all that trouble. I did a alot of gymnastics in my teens, the straddle spit and all of that, I really thought that would have helped the situation , breaking it down, stretching it ..... didn't do a thing for me.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Sex before love.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sandwiches.


----------



## Mommy_eubanks (Oct 15, 2011)

love then sex for us..... but i think they play hand in hand.... with a strong love, sex doesnt have to be a neccesity but it will be a very strong desire.... on the other hand..... putting sex first can enhance the love... but it is easy to put sex first and eventually forget about the love part.... but i do think they play hand in hand....


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

elph said:


> can i chime in as a guy...
> 
> for me, and i would assume the majority of guys, its almost always sex before love.
> for the obvious physical reasons, but also men use sex to make a intimate connection.
> ...


I think i must be a male as this is how i think, but i'm female.


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

I think sex is powerful and should always be done and over with. Simply because men and women view sex very differently. Now the feminists will argue that women and men are no different in the sexual department but it's a fact that men and women see sex very differently. A man can have sex more than once and walk away, not so easy for a woman....the more it happens the more attached a woman will get.
So yes sex first, love afterwards lest we confuse lust for love.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I decided to read this post for awhile before I decided to respond. It was friendship before sex for me and my husband. We dated and were nothing more than date/friends for nine months before we had sex.

And my best guy friend told me my husband was probably gay, because my husband-then-friend and I were alone in his house several times watching movies, and all I got was a goodnight hug when I left - honest!

I initiated the first "encounter." But after that, WHOA! Who says engineers are not more than geeks?!?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> Opinions..?
> 
> Which worked best for you in your life?
> 
> Just wondering..haha


Only once, did I have sex with someone right away, the first night, in fact. I was 40 and had had lots of experience, but never fooled around like that on the first date...I figured I'd just go for it and enjoy it for whatever it was. We were married the following summer. So for me, I guess sex then love...lol...


----------



## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

The first time it was love before sex. Although looking back on the situation, I was definitely getting used. But I loved. 

After that, a series of ONS and FWB. Some I started getting attached to a little bit, yes. 

With my most recent marriage, he started out just going to be another FWB. But we both got attached. Sadly, the sex was never all that great though.......the longer we were married, the more "compatible" it was though. If that makes sense. 

With the most recent "relationship" (after the marriage was over) it started out the same way. Sex first. Although he professed an instant "connection" to me with the first time. I did not have it. He continued to have feelings for me, and as time (and sexual encounters) went on, I developed feelings too. (Only to find out his had fizzled, go figure.)

One of my problems is that I am a very sexual person. I want to have sex. I want to have GOOD sex. I DON'T want to have a relationship or get attached right now. But I tend to if I have sex with someone.


----------

