# For eight years my husband has slept in a different room



## Lonelyandhurt (Mar 17, 2018)

I am heartbroken. For eight years my husband has slept in a different room ; and he doesn’t want to come back. My daughter and her three kids moved in because of divorce and he moved to a guest room to have the little kids sleep with him and not be scared. In about two years my daughter moved back to her house. But then my husband didn’t want to come back to my bed. He says he feels better sleeping in his own bed. But that was not the deal. I assumed that he would come back and that the arrangement would be temporary. Meanwhile we are growing apart more and more every day. I told him this and he still wants to sleep by himself. I feel abandoned.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I can understand why you feel abandoned. What do you want to do about this?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There are several questions that would help here. I'm having trouble deciding where to start. Can you give us a brief history of the relationship including sexual frequency?


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## MrMojoRisen (Mar 6, 2018)

Go jump in the bed with him and tell him you want to cuddle.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is this the only problem and you have a good relationship in other ways, or are there other issues?

Sleeping in separate rooms can be harmless - if say one person if a bad snorer. Or it can be a sign that a relationship has completely broken down. It depends.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I read recently that 40% of couples have separate bedrooms. Its not always a bad thing unless the marriage is bad anyway.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

It used to be common to sleep in different rooms and as others have said some couples like it. But you don't, so talk to him about it. Don't demand or accuse, ask him why he hasn't moved back, tell him you miss him, etc. If he has practical reasons, don't take it as a personal rejection. If you don't sleep together, can you still get together for cuddling/TV/sex? If not, that's a bigger problem.

I'm also not so comfortable w/ letting kids sleep w/ adults, but that's not an issue at this point.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> It used to be common to sleep in different rooms.


When was that? Im 32 and I hear a lot of older relatives say it use to be common for everyone to sleep in the SAME room.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

So 8 years ago your husband elected to go sleep in a guest room with three children?

And 6 years ago the children went back wherever, and your husband kept sleeping in the guest room by himself? 

And now for the last 6 years you have let this go on?

This is the situation?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

thefam said:


> When was that? Im 32 and I hear a lot of older relatives say it use to be common for everyone to sleep in the SAME room.


Depended on income, if you were poor, yes. During the Victorian era rich married women had their "budoir" or own bedroom where hubby didn't normally sleep.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

thefam said:


> When was that? Im 32 and I hear a lot of older relatives say it use to be common for everyone to sleep in the SAME room.


In the 1960s, myself, my three siblings and parents all slept in one room because we could not afford a bigger place. It was common.

Having each person in a married couple sleeping in separate rooms requires a level of privilege that is enjoyed by very few cultures on this planet.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

SpinyNorman said:


> Depended on income, if you were poor, yes. During the Victorian era rich married women had their "budoir" or own bedroom where hubby didn't normally sleep.


Note your use of the word "rich". By definition, not common.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DustyDog said:


> In the 1960s, myself, my three siblings and parents all slept in one room because we could not afford a bigger place. It was common.
> 
> Having each person in a married couple sleeping in separate rooms requires a level of privilege that is enjoyed by very few cultures on this planet.


I was born in the 50's in the UK to parents who didn't have much. We had a tiny house, but we did have thee small bedrooms, so my brother and I both had out own room. Mine was very tiny but it was my own.


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