# What's still there/What has faded away



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I've been on here for a while. I have gone NC with my ex wife for some time now...well over a month. She has moved on and is in to a 6 month rel with a man and I assume it is going well and she is happier now. I'm guessing her 8 month stage of ****tiness and risky behavior she was involved in after she left has waned and she is being good again for a future with this man, who is financially stable...she is not...( her house still hasn't sold ). We have been separated for over a year now....

I thought I would pass on what still remains and what has vanished emotionally and physically within me, for those who may be in the same state of progress as me.

*What still remains:*

* I still miss the wife she was when we loved each other, although not as strongly, but it does hit me once in a while

* Thoughts of my shortcomings and the what if's, although I know rectifying these wouldn't have changed much

* I miss the lifestyle of marriage...having someone around at night, in the mornings, and when I come home

*Thoughts of how happy she is, and my stepson bonding with him

*Intermittent thoughts of her smile, laugh, making love to her, and random activities we've done together

*What has vanished:*

*The constant pain in my heart...physically...the anxiety...and the depressiveness

*The hope of seeing her, talking to her, catching up with her...I care not anymore

* Being tired and out of energy. I'm getting through my days better, and the thoughts of her are rarely frequent

* Deciding whether to forgive her. I am apathetic to this now. It doesn't matter anymore.

*Trying to figure out her character, past motives, behavior, incentives, and the "why's"


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Do you feel like you should forgive her? Has she asked for forgiveness?


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

She has never asked for forgiveness...in her mind, since she became this type of person AFTER we split ( ya, right ), she feels no need to ask for it since she did nothing wrong

The only thing closely related to this was a half assed text that said "sorry for everything" about 6 months ago...pretty lame blanket apology, really...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think it is your choice whether you want to forgive her or not. 

There are a lot of posters who will pressure you to unilaterally forgive her for your own healing. And that's fine...they mean well. 

I do not think unilateral forgiveness is mandatory. I personally feel forgiveness should be sincerely asked for, and in truly bad cases...earned. 

This woman left you for no damn good reason, then spent eight months fvcking your friends, trashing you publicly, and acting like a wh0re. Okay, maybe it wasn't technically adultery, but it was damn disrespectful towards you and sh!tty all around. 

You need to find closure somehow, and I think the best thing you can do is get into PTSD therapy or some kind of cognitive therapy for the trauma she put you through. I don't think you are over her by a long-shot. I think you are suppressing your pain, and that is not good.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I agree with you for the most part bandit...but I truly feel my pain is slowly dissipating...her memory gets fuzzier daily. Maybe I AM suppressing my pain...you may be right...but all I know is that I feel better than I did a month ago.

Also, because I know she is with another now, it somehow gives me an ironic relief and makes it easier to avoid her or want to follow her life now...don't know if that makes sense to you or not.

A remaining pain is that I have been bettered by this guy, and he is a better fit for her and can offer her more...that's an ego crush, really...but remembering what you mentioned above...the disrespect and the dissention...helps as well

Sidenote: I met a girl we both know who left her man about three weeks before my ex left me. She told me that my ex wife went up to her recently and thanked her for "inspiring her" to leave me...this girl told me she didn't know how to take this...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You need to stop associating with anyone who knows her.....LOL!


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> You need to stop associating with anyone who knows her.....LOL!


I am contemplating breaking ties with my stepson, though that wouldn't be fair to him...but when I see him or text with him, I think he is uncomfortable trying to avoid bringing the new guy up. Also, seeing him triggers stuff in me, and I get that "missing the lifestyle" feeling...but I cant just end it. Hes the only thing I have close to being my son...Its quite tough to see him though...the new guy is a fishing and hunting guy, and he loves that...I was never that guy, so theyre surely bonding tighter than we ever did.


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