# Lucky Women



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

There were some lucky women who had themselves some [email protected] good husbands and they turn around and cheat. :scratchhead: I don't get it. I'm sorry, Men, your wives did you so wrong. It really boggles my mind. Why would someone trade in pure gold for a sack of crap?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> There were some lucky women who had themselves some [email protected] good husbands and they turn around and cheat. :scratchhead: I don't get it. I'm sorry, Men, your wives did you so wrong. It really boggles my mind. Why would someone trade in pure gold for a sack of crap?


I hate to be cynical but let’s remember that we only get one side of the story here. Yes there are good husbands and wives who are cheated on. 

Some tell a very convincing story that is essentially a re-write of history. If you were to listen to my ex-husband you’d hear what a passive aggressive ***** I am. The problem is that what he called my passive aggressiveness is all in his head. If I made something for dinner that he did not like on that day (it could change tomorrow, and he loved it the day before), I made it only to get him angry. If I cleaned the kitchen when he thought the bedroom should have been cleaned then I only did it because I was trying to punish him. Not that he told me which room of the house should be cleaned.. I just needed to be able to read his mind, stupid me. 

We give a lot of support to people here based on their telling of their side of the story… but who knows how much of what we hear is a spin.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I hate to be cynical but let’s remember that we only get one side of the story here. Yes there are good husbands and wives who are cheated on.
> 
> Some tell a very convincing story that is essentially a re-write of history. If you were to listen to my ex-husband you’d hear what a passive aggressive ***** I am. The problem is that what he called my passive aggressiveness is all in his head. If I made something for dinner that he did not like on that day (it could change tomorrow, and he loved it the day before), I made it only to get him angry. If I cleaned the kitchen when he thought the bedroom should have been cleaned then I only did it because I was trying to punish him. Not that he told me which room of the house should be cleaned.. I just needed to be able to read his mind, stupid me.
> 
> We give a lot of support to people here based on their telling of their side of the story… but who knows how much of what we hear is a spin.


True, we only know one side of the story but I doubt anyone deserved to be cheated on. You don't know the husband I had but compare my ex husband to some of the husband's on here, and I cannot understand why a wife would give that up. No one is ever perfect but I do believe some of these husband's did indeed treat their wives very well, just somehow it was never good enough for the wife. Or like you said, the perception was very different. With my marriage, I'd ask my husband for money to buy myself new shoes (once the soles had come off) and he'd get angry with me because "he needed that money" for something else. I was bad for taking away that from him.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

The other side is "How did I become someone with a character that I've always despised when I have such a wonderful spouse?".


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

Sometimes the story we hear is just half of the tale. Other times, it pretty much sums up everything. There's no way anyone outside of the marriage could know.

That said, I agree with AD. There are many, many great husbands and wives who are cheated upon. The cheater falls for a fantasy, and no spouse can compare favorably with that.

My XW was an extreme narcissist. I was a textbook nice guy. Could I have done something else that might have led to a different outcome? Sure. However, it's easy to say that the "nice guy" deserves better than what that dynamic will often produce.

I guess my point is that I'm not "pure gold," but yes she traded me for a sack of ____.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> True, we only know one side of the story but I doubt anyone deserved to be cheated on. You don't know the husband I had but compare my ex husband to some of the husband's on here, and I cannot understand why a wife would give that up. No one is ever perfect but I do believe some of these husband's did indeed treat their wives very well, just somehow it was never good enough for the wife. Or like you said, the perception was very different. With my marriage, I'd ask my husband for money to buy myself new shoes (once the soles had come off) and he'd get angry with me because "he needed that money" for something else. I was bad for taking away that from him.


I agree that there are some good guys and women out there who are cheated on despite all that they give to their spouse. And to those all I can say is that I hope they get all the goodness they deserve in life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OOE said:


> Sometimes the story we hear is just half of the tale. Other times, it pretty much sums up everything. There's no way anyone outside of the marriage could know.
> 
> That said, I agree with AD. There are many, many great husbands and wives who are cheated upon. The cheater falls for a fantasy, and no spouse can compare favorably with that.
> 
> ...


My ex cheated on me every chance he had. I was a pretty good wife, not perfect but again a good person who strove to do the best I could given what I had to work with.

But he wanted to play the field. There are a lot of good people out there who get the shaft. Apparently we are easy to do that to because some people think we are push overs I guess.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I doubt anyone deserved to be cheated on.


THIS is the crux of the matter when it comes to infidelity.

Lucky are the good women who will find these discarded good men and will seize the opportunity to win their hearts.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> My ex cheated on me every chance he had. I was a pretty good wife, not perfect but again a good person who strove to do the best I could given what I had to work with.
> 
> But he wanted to play the field. There are a lot of good people out there who get the shaft. Apparently we are easy to do that to because some people think we are push overs I guess.


Elegirl, it was the same with me. My ex cheated every chance he got as well. Heck, he even made himself one of those adult hook up website profiles just to meet women for sex.
I was good to him, not perfect, none of us are, but nonetheless, I was the kind of wife just about any man would have loved to have. I still don't know why I was never good enough for him.
I was a pushover though. I never stood up for myself but then again, he also kept me pushed down with his verbal/mental/emotional abuse of me.

Still, all I ever wanted was to have a husband who truly loved me. I hate hearing the stories of the husband's who treated their wives well and all the wife does is cheat and make herself the poor victim. It makes me wanna slap them.


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

One other example:

In her previous marriage, my GF was an appeaser. Her XH was also somewhat of a narcissist (a politician -- go figure), and he walked all over her. He was verbally abusive, constantly telling her she was "worthless" and "stupid." I know he's like this because I see the results in their son. He cheated on her.

She is an amazing woman. Amazing. She's beautiful, smart, incredibly sexy, very sweet, kind and thoughtful (I could go on...).

Sometimes she'll catch me staring at her and say, "what?"

I'll say, "{His name} was a fool."

He was.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> THIS is the crux of the matter when it comes to infidelity.
> 
> Lucky are the good women who will find these discarded good men and will seize the opportunity to win their hearts.


How does one win a good man's heart?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> True, we only know one side of the story but* I doubt anyone deserved to be cheated on*. You don't know the husband I had but compare my ex husband to some of the husband's on here, and I cannot understand why a wife would give that up. No one is ever perfect but I do believe some of these husband's did indeed treat their wives very well, just somehow it was never good enough for the wife. Or like you said, the perception was very different. With my marriage, I'd ask my husband for money to buy myself new shoes (once the soles had come off) and he'd get angry with me because "he needed that money" for something else. I was bad for taking away that from him.


I'm sure that no one deserves to be cheated on. But I do know of a few situations in which it's hard to feel sorry for the person. For example a friend of mine's husband cheated on her constantly. He cheated with her brother's wife (the brother never found out). He cheated with a distant cousin of hers who stayed at their home for a prolonged visit. That affair went on for years even after the cousin left their home. He had other affairs as well. He was emotionally just mean to my friend... to the point that she was losing it mentally... she did cheat in the end. Yes it was an exit affair. But it's hard for me to judge her harshly for what she did.. at least it got her out that that horrible marriage. She left the OM before she divorced her husband. The a couple of years later got back with the OM. They have been married for about 18 years now in a very happy marriage.

Some people do the wrong thing when they struggle to survive.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> There were some lucky women who had themselves some [email protected] good husbands and they turn around and cheat. :scratchhead: I don't get it. I'm sorry, Men, your wives did you so wrong. It really boggles my mind. Why would someone trade in pure gold for a sack of crap?


My wife cheated, I divorced her, she moved in with the OM, and he clocked her because, get this, he can't trust her
:lol:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Elegirl, it was the same with me. My ex cheated every chance he got as well. Heck, he even made himself one of those adult hook up website profiles just to meet women for sex.
> I was good to him, not perfect, none of us are, but nonetheless, I was the kind of wife just about any man would have loved to have. I still don't know why I was never good enough for him.
> I was a pushover though. I never stood up for myself but then again, he also kept me pushed down with his verbal/mental/emotional abuse of me.
> 
> Still, all I ever wanted was to have a husband who truly loved me. I hate hearing the stories of the husband's who treated their wives well and all the wife does is cheat and make herself the poor victim. It makes me wanna slap them.


Back in the day before internet hookup sites, my ex ran news paper ads in the personal looking for women. I found his ad in his briefcase. It was a riot.. talked about how loving and romantic he was. Too bad he did not practice that at home.

Once he got into medical school and then residency (at my expense of course) there were plenty of medical students and nurses ready to sleep with him.

It amazes me the low respect people hold for marriage these days.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> My wife cheated, I divorced her, she moved in with the OM, and he clocked her because, get this, he can't trust her
> :lol:



I asked a friend of mine if she had plans to marry the married guy she was seeing. Her response was "Are you kidding me. He cheats on his wife! I'd never marry a low life like that."

Go figure. :rofl: :lol:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> How does one win a good man's heart?


She starts my setting very good boundaries so that she can find a good guy.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

OOE said:


> One other example:
> 
> In her previous marriage, my GF was an appeaser. Her XH was also somewhat of a narcissist (a politician -- go figure), and he walked all over her. He was verbally abusive, constantly telling her she was "worthless" and "stupid." I know he's like this because I see the results in their son. He cheated on her.
> 
> ...


awwww


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Some people do the wrong thing when they struggle to survive.


Can be said about drug addicts, child neglecters, convenience store robbers, and shifty mechanics alike


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> How does one win a good man's heart?


1. Recognize him as being a good man who shares your same values - honesty, transparency, respect, etc.

2. Become his closest friend. Do not cuddle him if you see him making a mistake.

3. DO NOT give in to sex before he proves himself worthy of you - if he is truly a good man, he'll respect you even more for this.

4. DO NOT call him incessantly. Give yourself a few days off. Nothing turns off a man (or for that case, a woman) like a stalker.

5. Share his interests and you will always have common topics to discuss.

There are probably more but those should put you on the right path.


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## 38m3kids (Sep 29, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> My wife cheated, I divorced her, she moved in with the OM, and he clocked her because, get this, he can't trust her
> :lol:



as "funny as that may be.. I'd "clock" him if that were my ex. My wife is a wonderful mother and person, even though she cheated. I can't imagine being happy about her pain.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> 4. DO NOT call him incessantly. Give yourself a few days off. *Nothing turns off a man (or for that case, a woman) like a stalker*.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Love this


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Love this


Hi JellyB!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hi Apple! ::waves:: I hope you had a lovely Christmas!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Love this


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

OOE said:


> I was a textbook nice guy. Could I have done something else that might have led to a different outcome? Sure. However, it's easy to say that the "nice guy" deserves better than what that dynamic will often produce.


Likewise, I am (WAS) a textbook nice guy.

Those who only would read my story here might think I'm a great catch. Even my "friends" (quotes because as a textbook nice guy I don't have any truely close friends) would say the same.

I've been cheated on at least twice.

I created a marriage dynamic that was toxic, caustic, and I can only imagine how much pain my wife had to endure because of the personality problems I possess.

Did I deserve to be cheated on? No. No one does. 

Point is, those that may seem from the outside to be a great catch are often horrid husbands.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I really think this goes both ways. There are lucky men out there married to good women too, but they choose to cheat for one reason or another. 

I think the biggest thing is very few people want to work for anything these days. Everyone assumes the grass is greener in someone else's yard. Even a good man/woman has bad days, bad habits, tough periods in their lives. When these rough patches come along all too often that good man/woman's spouse has no interest in doing the work to get the marriage back on track. They just take the easy out and assume that a new relationship will be better/easier. They're usually wrong.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I asked a friend of mine if she had plans to marry the married guy she was seeing. Her response was "Are you kidding me. He cheats on his wife! I'd never marry a low life like that."
> 
> Go figure. :rofl: :lol:


Why are you friends with someone like this?


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