# Should i or shouldnt i



## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

So i wont make this too long . My husband has been having an affair for about ayear. He keeps telling me that its over, he has changed his behavior a lot but just recently found out that he was just doing a better job covering it up. Of course i am very hurt and am really thinking about having an affair of my own. What do u think?
We have been married for 10yrs 2 kids 8 and 5 . Just bought a homw which i am not giving up and he does not want to leave either


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Don't do it. You won't respect yourself. Neither will your friends and family.


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## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

I feel like i have become obsessed with the situation. I have no one to talk to about it . Today i found his secrest cell phone with there text and all the calls he makes


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

file for divorce instead, do the right thing instead of what he did


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> file for divorce instead, do the right thing instead of what he did


I agree, and get a good attorney too.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think you should stick up for yourself.
A marriage where one person is forgiving and giving and present and the other person has his body half in half out of the marriage and is emotionally split too, which EVEN if he claims that there is no emotional connection to his affair...there is deceit, which by defintion is emotionally split/not 100% present, is not a marriage. It is at best an economic and sexual arrangement, which might make his parenting situation easier.
You can have all of that and your pride and a chance at 100% relationship - with him or someone else or at least with yourself - without doing things 'his way'. 

I'd kick him out. 
He SAYS he doesn't want to leave, but he's just acting like a jerk. Meaning, he's jerking you around. Why should you be the least little bit worried about what he wants? Really!
You can love someone, but that doesn't mean that they're capable of carrying their part of a relationship. What it does mean is that they haven't learned how because they haven't had the OPPORTUNITY to experience the full consequences of their actions in that relationship. Stinks when you have to parent your partner. Lying should not happen within a household. There is no place for it, ever.


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## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

I dont want to get a divorce yet. I am trying to stick this out for now until i get myself together financially. We are in the middle of remodeling the home we just bought if i kick him now i dont think it would be too smart of me. He also will not leave .. I guess i'm kind of stuck for now, thats why i figured i might as well find someone to love me and give me the attention i need for now, to take my mind off all this madness going on in my life..kind of like an outlet


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

NIGHTNURE101 said:


> I dont want to get a divorce yet. I am trying to stick this out for now until i get myself together financially. We are in the middle of remodeling the home we just bought if i kick him now i dont think it would be too smart of me. He also will not leave .. I guess i'm kind of stuck for now, thats why i figured i might as well find someone to love me and give me the attention i need for now, to take my mind off all this madness going on in my life..kind of like an outlet


How fair would that be to "someone"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

If you did not have kids, I'd say go for it. He voided the contract already, so you would not be breaking vows, IMO.
But, with kids, I'd say hold off and divorce asap.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

No.
Don't debase yourself and stoop to his level of discounting the sanctity (not even talking religious stuff here....) of the institution of marriage.

Divorce him and find a new guy after that.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

@NIGHTNURE101: You have us here to talk with. We care. If we didn't, we wouldn't be responding. Use this forum as your outlet.

Keep typing, and hang in there.


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## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Well its just not easy but i'm gonna just hold on for the kids then i am out !!


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

In the meantime, you can always lace his shampoo with NAIR or put Ben Gay in his undies.


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## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

At this pont he didnt care if it was fair or not to go have an ea


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## NIGHTNURE101 (Nov 14, 2011)

ARNOLD.. i LIKE THE BENGAY ONE LOL


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Actually, the NAIR one seems a little more sinister, as it is more subtle and not as easily traced back to you.
And, it emulates gaslighting, in a way, in that it may casue him a lot of confusion and angst when his hair starts falling out vs the immediate recogniton of what is happening with the Ben Gay.

Obviously, I have too much time on my hands...


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