# He changed within 24 hrs. of wedding



## katydid (Mar 3, 2011)

We "courted" (as he called it) for a year. Had lovely wedding, 300 guests, mayor, judges, business owners, in-people and family. Thought it was strange that he had ex-wife arrange our honeymoon through her travel agency (actually thought it was heartless). Before marriage he was active in dozens of community groups (later said it was good way to meet women and resigned all positions); played sports (quit that w/in 2 months); flew me everywhere, ate at wonderful restaurants; gave me a credit card, no questions asked on what I spent; said sex was for marriage (how thoughtful was THAT??). I thought it a little odd that when he introduced me to people he knew they'd look puzzled and tell me "good luck with this one!!" and chuckle. Within 24 hours of wedding we're in Hawaii and he wants to grocery shop so I can cook in and we'd save money. He took the credit card back in a restaurant and said "I hope we're not going to always eat and drink like this"; brought a book to read and there was no sex............when I brought it up he looked at me and said "I really don't get that excited about sex anymore" (he's 15 years older than me); lastly he tells me, on honeymoon, that he's so happy he can retire in a few months and it's great I have such a good job. I am losing my mind and he seems to enjoy and provoke that by denying he did or said things that he did say and do. Oh God help me........


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

And just what did you two discuss before the marriage?

If you have a job, you can get your own credit card. but as for sex, I'm not sure what you can do for a guy that doesn't get excited about it.


----------



## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Bait and switch. Textbook.

I'm sorry that you fell in love with a liar and a fraud. I don't think there is anything to save. He deliberatly LIED to you to get you to marry him.

You thought you were buying steak and you ended up with yesterdays ground turkey.


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

wow. This is bad. 

He needs to realize what he is doing and that he needs to change.

I might get a personal counselor or marriage counselor and see what they think.

Don't wait. Do something now. You will be more miserable every week that passes. If it was all a lie, separate and then leave if he is unwilling to change.

I think he deserves a chance to change, but if he is a unrepentant liar, leave now.


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

katydid said:


> Oh God help me........


I think you meant, "Oh Lawyer help me!" 

This guy is a fraud. Get out now!


----------



## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

I got involved with a liar and a trickster all for his own ends, luckily he showed me this side before we got married and needless to say we didn't. Now split from him, just because you are married it doesn't mean you are stuck with him if you get my drift.

We all make mistakes and can undo them is the bottom line , it was not your fault as you believed him and were an honest person so why wouldn't you ?? I have to tell you it doesn't get better so you should seriously think about doing something now before he takes you for a ride. 

Mine expected me to work full time with no support and do all the womans work so to speak with his mother backing him up and when it was mentioned that I could do all the womans work if he worked and provided for me to enable me to be at home to cook and clean for him the response was "he is not your husband so it's not his place to financialy provide for you" So if I am not his wife why would I cook , clean , wash, shop, and rub his back so to speak. 

Don't waste time I wasted 4 years could have been more , 4 years of talking and explaining my side which fell on deaf ears.

I went , no other man and took no money just my clothes , now he is smashing my car up on a regular basis as he says I have lied to him as I told him I loved him. May as well had an affair and stole his money. What I am trying to say to you is his trickery was so bad he now feels tricked if you like . Good luck there are better men out there.:iagree:


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Is it too late for an annulment ? 

Marriage Annulment

Annulment Law


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

katydid said:


> I am losing my mind and he seems to enjoy and provoke that by denying he did or said things that he did say and do. Oh God help me........


This is not going to end well for you. It will only get worse. If you're thinking that this man will change, or that things will get better, he and they won't. What you see is what you get. 

He ran a master game on you to get you, now he has no reason to continue the charade. You're probably a really nice person, and he doesn't think you'll leave him.

I'd prove him wrong.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's a con man. Seriously.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Listen you may be reluctant to get an annulment because of the lavish wedding but this whole thing was a game of deception. You would not have married him if he revealed what he really was so get out now show that he is not as smart as he thinks he is. Gather all of the records indicating the fraud so that you have that as the grounds for the desolving of this travesty. Why would you want to have sex??

Send an announcement to your friends and relatives of the annulment. Work out the wording with a lawyer so that there is no grounds for libel. Arrange to give the gift back to your wedding gift and leave rest for him to do as he pleases. You have got to do this NOW unless you want to stay with fraud for life. He is sure you would not leave show up for what he is, that will stop him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Annulment, annulment, annulment!

Run fast.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Put on your Nike's and RUN like a tornado is behind you. Nothing good is going to come of this.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would close all my bank accounts and credit cards if I were you.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I would close all my bank accounts and credit cards if I were you.


Bingo!


----------



## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

Could you talk to the ex and get some more input on him?


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I don't think anyone has tossed in the phrase "sociopathic tendencies" here, but (1) I'd see an attorney, (2) I'd wouldn't tell anyone of my plans to leave, (3) I'd get the heck out of there while he's NOT home, and (4) I'd also look into a possible restraining order.

Somehow, I get the feeling if this character gets a clue you're going to walk, he might get nasty. I don't think he is going to sit complacently whille his "meal ticket" leaves him and his retirement plans up in the air.

Something about this guy's agenda gives me the creeps. I'd walk out and leave no forwarding address. And I agree that you should have everything that is in your name remain in your name alone.


----------



## katydid (Mar 3, 2011)

Good idea....I am somewhat close to his daughter too....he did make a strange comment about his ex just recently....he said he loved finding out what annoyed her and then he'd do it again when he wanted a rise out of her....that sounded too much like what he's started with me. I am going to call a lawyer friend....someone he doesn't know and can't influence.....when we're around friends now I want to say "THIS is NOT who I live with every day....he's got two personalities I think.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

katydid said:


> Good idea....I am somewhat close to his daughter too....he did make a strange comment about his ex just recently....he said he loved finding out what annoyed her and then he'd do it again when he wanted a rise out of her....that sounded too much like what he's started with me. I am going to call a lawyer friend....someone he doesn't know and can't influence.....when we're around friends now I want to say "THIS is NOT who I live with every day....he's got two personalities I think.


He's a con artist honey. Two personalities? Using his ex to book your honeymoon. Finding out what annoys his ex (the mother of his children?) to further hurt her. That is beyond cruel and sadistic and you need to be rid of this sack of ox crap like yesterday.
As my dear Mexican friend says "Pendejo!!!"


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Brennan said:


> As my dear Mexican friend says "Pendejo!!!"


I agree with your friend. 

Pendejo grande.


----------



## katydid (Mar 3, 2011)

Thank you for your responses. I know I have to end this fast. I've already lost my sense of ability to judge.......I'm a bright successful woman and I've been wondering where my brain went...time to make an exit strategy. This forum is wonderful....it is too hard right now to confide in family and friends.....they'd think I've lost my mind.....to everyone else this man comes off as Mr. Wonderful catch and he'd probably make me look crazy to everyone.....I feel like I'm on some secret mission to recover something that someone stole.......I've got to get out before I lose my soul. God bless.


----------



## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

katydid said:


> Thank you for your responses. I know I have to end this fast. I've already lost my sense of ability to judge.......I'm a bright successful woman and I've been wondering where my brain went...time to make an exit strategy. This forum is wonderful....it is too hard right now to confide in family and friends.....they'd think I've lost my mind.....to everyone else this man comes off as Mr. Wonderful catch and he'd probably make me look crazy to everyone.....I feel like I'm on some secret mission to recover something that someone stole.......I've got to get out before I lose my soul. God bless.


GTFO before you completely get gaslighted by this dude and you're the subject of reenactments on 20/20.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Leave quickly, and take the advice offered above, close all your accounts and start fresh.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

RUN!


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

The question is... will she do it now, or let this drag on for a few more months. Always wonder when people are in a critical sitiuation, and we give them advise to bail immediately... and we never hear from them again, do they take our advise?


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Annulment. Do it right now.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I just want to say I've never seen everyone on this board so perfectly aligned in advice Katydid.

Go go go go.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> The question is... will she do it now, or let this drag on for a few more months. Always wonder when people are in a critical sitiuation, and we give them advise to bail immediately... and we never hear from them again, do they take our advise?


I really have a doubt that she wants to leave. Deceptive people like this guy are good at picking the right people to game - he knew that the social status would be very important to her and that it would top her self preservation instincts. If a man changed as much as this guy did and obviously scammed, would a person with a healthy sense of their own survival stay for more than one month. After his statement about sex, she should have walked out the door. 

She did not even confide in her family or a close friend. I'll bet she will talk to him about being unhappy like he cares and he will manipulate her to stay. If she does, she will be a shell of herself because he will drain her and laugh while he does it. I hope she gains the strength to show him that this time his scam did not work.. If he is at retirement age and she is 15 yrs younger, she is probably in her 40s, maybe she is also fearful of not being able to find someone else, another reason he picked her probably. If you only Knew OP, women at 40 find mates all the time - our culture instills fear in woman as they get older that they will not find anyone. Just another way to control women, dont beleive it. She is aiding and abetting him. I hope I am wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I really have a doubt that she wants to leave. Deceptive people like this guy are good at picking the right people to game - he knew that the social status would be very important to her and that it would top her self preservation instincts. If a man changed as much as this guy did and obviously scammed, would a person with a healthy sense of their own survival stay for more than one month. After his statement about sex, she should have walked out the door.
> 
> She did not even confide in her family or a close friend. I'll bet she will talk to him about being unhappy like he cares and he will manipulate her to stay. If she does, she will be a shell of herself because he will drain her and laugh while he does it. I hope she gains the strength to show him that this time his scam did not work.. If he is at retirement age and she is 15 yrs younger, she is probably in her 40s, maybe she is also fearful of not being able to find someone else, another reason he picked her probably. If you only Knew OP, women at 40 find mates all the time - our culture instills fear in woman as they get older that they will not find anyone. Just another way to control women, dont beleive it. She is aiding and abetting him. I hope I am wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well said, i've seen countless times on women get used as doormats, they disappear and i can only hope that they wise up and do the right thing and move on. I know its easier for outsiders to say move on. We don't have to deal with the pain. But what about the pain of staying? What about the humilation you must feel inside to be taken advantage of and manipulated like a puppet. If the person is no good, see the light and run for the hills ladies!!!


----------

