# Just left



## Farfignewton (Aug 10, 2008)

Hey guys,

I just left my husband a couple of days ago and I was wondering if anyone saw the light after their partner left or if you are the one who left, did it help the situation? I know that relationships are 50-50 and I am taking this time away to work on myself also. I left partly because I couldn't stand being in the relationship anymore and partly because I was hoping that this would 'shock' him into taking a look at himself and the dynamics of our relationship. 

Any info would be greatly appreciated. So far, I am doing just fine with the separation because I was so fed up that not being in his presence is actually a relief.


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

I think that whether or not the separation will make a positive difference or not truely depends on the partners and their underlying desires and personalities. 

To make an assumption without having any knowledge of the situation would be unfair.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Farfignewton said:


> I left partly because I couldn't stand being in the relationship anymore and partly because I was hoping that this would 'shock' him into taking a look at himself and the dynamics of our relationship.


I've left my H a couple of times on these terms. I was sick and tired of him and i hoped that leaving would shock him. I even hoped he would show me that he actually cared. Ive read stories on here about women who say they are leaving and their guy starts apologizing profusely, doing multiple things to try and change...ya, never happened in my case. I didnt even get so much as a phone call. 

So in my situation, it never helped. In fact, it just made things worse for us. I had to sit down and be honest with myself about why i was leaving, and if leaving was what i really wanted. It wasn't what i really wanted. I wanted to know he cared and i was trying to provoke him, which didn't work and only made me feel more hurt. 

I am really sorry to hear it has come down to this for you.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

When my wife left it did wake me up to so much about myself and the role I played in getting us to the place where she felt she had no choice but to leave.

There is no way to say how someone will react. I could have either turned cold or been willing to take a long hard look at myself. I choose the later.

Good luck!


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

When I left my husband last year (went to my parents for 8 weeks), my husband did the begging, pleading, calling, crying until I came back. I think I came back because he promised the moon and that everything would be so much better. Over a year later, we still have a lot of the same problems that never seem to get addressed. I think I came back because the begging and pleading were nice and I felt loved in some weird way. I don't think I went back on my own terms.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

My wife asked me to move out almost 2 months ago... She said she no longer loved me or felt the marriage was worth saving.. we are together for almost 16 years.... it has broken my heart but during this time I have learned where I went wrong in the marriage... I could have and should have really listened instead of hearing her... I could have shown her the love and respect that she needed more of........ Sadly we have gotten to the point where she has given up... wont talk with me said we cant even be friends...  I am devistated by this and know that if I had tried harder we wouldn't be in this situation....

I feel for my children the most..... They are the ones that are really hurting...


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## Jessica5971 (Dec 8, 2008)

I have been separated from my fiance for about two months now, and I can tell you that it has given me a great amount of relief and peace of mind to have separted myself from the situation. If you have ever heard of the term "mama's boy" that would acurately describe him. Our relationship was constantly being undermined by his mother and sister and he was constantly putting their needs and wants before mine, and that of OUR family (we also have an 8 month old daughter). It went so far as him leaving me in the hospital for five hours during labour just so he could go and run take his mother grocery shopping. Well, being so fed up and frustrated over feeling like I was the third wheel for everything I left, and I will never ever go back into that situation. I have made him aware of all of his wrongdoings so I think that this separation has caused him to really think about our relationship and the ways in which he needs to change. Until he really steps up I realized that I cannot depend on him for anything really and I this point I am just working on myself and doing the things that will make me happy in the present and future. He knows where to find me when he decides to make me and his daughter a priority and I will not be waiting forever for him to do it either. 
I think that if you feel your needs are being undermined or neglected in anyway you should make him aware of this fact. If he is aware and unwilling to change then the separation may serve as a wake-up call for him. Good luck!


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2008)

Newton, this is hard. My wife left me two months ago. She said she was going to go soul searching to find herself. It turns out there was a man (28) she (40) went to go meet. He was someone she met in a video game... She claims to this day it is just a friendship and someone who she cares deeply for. When he said I wouldn't like what was going on between them and that he seperated from his wife and she "knew they were having an affair" she denied it. I even bought that and still am allowing myself to be decieved to this day. She adamantly says there is nothing and that he was lashing out at me because he sees how she reacts to our fights. Now she claims to be renting a spare bedroom from him because I had cut off finances from her at one point after thanksgiving. Needless to say, I feel used, betrayed, and ashamed taht I had trusted my wife of 20 years. I thought this person was a genuine person and part of me still wants to believe I know her. She still says she loves me and cares about me. Tells me she misses me but doesnt know if this is what she wants. We are financially well off. I thought I provided her with love but know my shortcomings which I professed I have been changing since our D day. 

I guess for me I am reaching the end of this chapter and it saddens me greatly. I love my wife and even would take her back if I knew she was closing out this part of her past. But I also know that deep down she will likely never be the person whom I can trust again.

What that means for me telling you this is what damage does your seperation do. What external factors are involved. You may not have someone involved. My wife did. Can you look at the seperation as accomplishing what you need it to? Will it wake him up? Mine woke me up but my wife never offered to even go to a counselor for us. So ask yourself, have the two of you done what can be done to prevent this? Will he wake up from this? I cant tell you the amount of material I have read, the quantity of therapy sessions, all productive, or the amount of change that has occured in me. Yet I have a wife spending time with another man...


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## stillhurtin (Feb 10, 2009)

my wife told me to leave, 4 days now. i never knew how much i hurt her. now i will do anything to get her back, and make myself the husband and father she desirves


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