# emotionally drained



## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

What a jerk ! 

What about for better or worse when he took you as his wife?

If he is hurt or sick..who helps him? You do, right? 

What if you acted like this to him (if he was in your shoes).. he sure in the hell wouldn't like it, would he? 

Stop trying to please someone that you never will. Even if you called in a maid service until you are well again.. there will always be something else he *****es about. 

You kinda feel like it is a blessing that he will be away for a while, don't ya, hun? 

One man was so damn mean to his wife that when the man died, hardly no one was there, and the ones that did show up never shed a tear for the man. What I am saying , hun, people can push you so far that you don't give a damn after a while.

When you get better hun, find you something you like to do to help with the stress this man puts on you. If you feel like leaving the man and can, I don't blame you a bit, but the choice has to be yours and yours alone. 

Oh, and thanks for calling me a saint.


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

Thanks Honey! I appreciate your response. I would never, god forbid, want anything to happen to him while he is gone overseas, but I have to say I will be glad when he's gone for a while. I know it sounds mean to many who may read this, but until you walk in someone's shoes do not judge.

Today he is sulking in the bedroom and told me that the reason he will not talk to me is because every time he is around me I say mean thing. I was AMAZED. I said...the things you do aren't? What about you getting so angry at me because I saw a roach crawling on the floor and it scared the crap out of me and I screamed. You got ANGRY and started yelling at me..I mean yelling because you just sat down and said that it was stupid of me to scream over a bug. How about when you got ANGRY because I had TWO glasses sitting on the stand and you just could not understand why I cannot clean up. MAYBE because I cannot walk and have to rely on a freakin wheelchair right now? I cannot do much with my wrist as it's healing too. OH but I'M MEAN. The scary thing here is that HE believes that it is ALL me. The list goes on...

I don't get mad over stupid stuff, but when I get provoked I can throw daggers. I am just sick of it. I cannot take it anymore and when he is gone I will just have to get all my ducks in a row and leave him. I have talked to my dad and he thinks it is time I leave. My dad has heard him in action because one time I had my homework papers on the kitchen table and my husband was in a pissy mood and started throwing them all over so I called my dad so he could hear what he was doing and saying while he was throwing a tantrum. My dad was pissed and told me then to leave him. And now he even feels more confident that I should. 

I think the military hardens a man and I am not stupid to think that what he does doesn't affect him but get fixed and don't take it out on me, and that is what he does!! I have gone through a lot with him and his children, hell I helped pay for them when he had no MONEY. I worked to pay his bills off so he could pay child support. And this is the crap I have to take. I have asked him if we can seperate and he told me hell no that he would not allow it. I suppose it has something to do with his stupid rank and appearances! I don't care about his rank anymore. I helped him get where he is and this is the abuse and crap I've had to endure. I just need to buck up and leave and perhaps the best thing is to do it while he is gone so I do not have to take any crap from him.

Thanks again...my saint; I need to get this off my chest, as it's eating away at me.

Kalina


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

He got angry over a roach on the floor. 
This man needs to not go off on every little thing. He needs to take a A M class before he has a heart attack. A couple I know, the guy is like this too, and he did have a heart attack.


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

Honey said:


> He got angry over a roach on the floor.
> This man needs to not go off on every little thing. He needs to take a A M class before he has a heart attack. A couple I know, the guy is like this too, and he did have a heart attack.


Yep, that's what I told him. He NEEDS A M classes!! He is high strung at work and he will have a heart attack if he continues. But he thinks since he works out so much he will be fine. 

I have to hold on just a couple more months. Sad! Most wives are so sad to see that their husband is having to leave again for 15 months and I am looking forward to the peace...now bad is that? I just want to be happy again..really happy. I miss my smile and the twinkle in my eyes when I laugh. I feel that when I am at work, but my home life is in no way happy.

Kalina


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear this.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

kalina said:


> Today he is sulking in the bedroom and told me that the reason he will not talk to me is because every time he is around me I say mean thing. I was AMAZED. I said...the things you do aren't?
> ...I don't get mad over stupid stuff, but when I get provoked I can throw daggers.


He sounds like a control freak, and you sound like a martyr. His behavior over shadows yours, so you feel you arent accountable for your own behavior. Believe it or not, you both are the same. He feels he has a reason to "throw daggers" and so do you. both of you are playing the same game, only both of you are losing. 

You ask him to control his temper when he feels provoked, and yet it doesn't sound like you can do the same.

You have very poor boundaries. You cant separate his behavior from your own, and you cant understand that his anger has nothing to do with you. You feel responsible for it so you get resentful, bitter, and lash out as well. 

Your not responsible for his anger, but there are ways to handle it without turning into him as well. next time you think to tell him to control his temper, try to think of ways to control your own. You have a couple more months with him and for yourself, be someone you can respect. Start focusing on your own behavior, and how to be a better person. Do it for you, not for him.


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> He sounds like a control freak, and you sound like a martyr. His behavior over shadows yours, so you feel you arent accountable for your own behavior. Believe it or not, you both are the same. He feels he has a reason to "throw daggers" and so do you. both of you are playing the same game, only both of you are losing.
> 
> You ask him to control his temper when he feels provoked, and yet it doesn't sound like you can do the same.
> 
> ...



Excuse me, but my attitude has not always been this way. It has only been since I have had this accident, that I have finally STARTED yelling back. I have tried to talk to him resonably and that does not work. I do agree that I should not be doing what I am doing, but after taking it for so long and trying to make it better what else is there? I cannot do much now as I am stuck in a wheelchair. And oh by the way, I asked him if we could go to counciling together and he said NO! I do have the upmost respect for myself and I am glad that he will be gone here in a couple of month. I cannot wait. My angry is from all the years of dealing with his crap, I gave him respect for years and now I start to say something, well pardon me, I haven't been doing it for years and your advise is ridiculous to say the least. IF you had really read my post, you will see that it was only recently since my accident can I not tolerate such behavior and I have EVERY right to throw those daggers! 
Kalina


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

Robyn said:


> Dear Kalina,
> 
> what about getting some couple counseling together to solve the problem, and what about thinking about a divorce?
> 
> ...


Thanks Robyn. I do feel that a divorce is in order. You made me laugh when you said I am not his soldier because that is what I tell him. He does treat me like one of his men. He barks orders and if I do not comply he has a major cow!! I think a large part of his problem is the fact that he can tell people what to do every day and they HAVE to listen to him whether they like it or not, and since I am not like that it drives him crazy. This accident has made me see the light and what I've known for some time but only thought it would get better.
Kalina


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Hey, hun, don't you feel like doing what Laura did here to your husband?
Watch it to the very end. YouTube - Bunny Part 5 :rofl:


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

kalina said:


> I do agree that I should not be doing what I am doing, but after taking it for so long and trying to make it better what else is there?


There are ways of handling all the built up resentment without coming down to his level. I completely understand not wanting to tolerate it anymore, and being tired of being his doormat, but do you really like who you are turning into and the way you are behaving?

You can detach from his anger, move on, and still feel you are a respectable person in the process. You really arent his victim, you are responsible for your own choices, and anything hurtful or vengeful you throw his way, only makes you exactly like him. 

Now, before you start throwing daggers my way, I just hope i can convey to you that ive been in your shoes. And maybe im not the best with words, but i have been vengeful and thrown my own daggers. I guess i just sat back and realized i didnt like myself anymore, and no matter what someone was doing to me, i was responsible for my own actions. I'm only saying this because now i feel a lot better. i dont have to get mean just because someone is being mean to me. so, im sorry if my post offends you. it really is not my intention.


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> There are ways of handling all the built up resentment without coming down to his level. I completely understand not wanting to tolerate it anymore, and being tired of being his doormat, but do you really like who you are turning into and the way you are behaving?
> 
> You can detach from his anger, move on, and still feel you are a respectable person in the process. You really arent his victim, you are responsible for your own choices, and anything hurtful or vengeful you throw his way, only makes you exactly like him.
> 
> Now, before you start throwing daggers my way, I just hope i can convey to you that ive been in your shoes. And maybe im not the best with words, but i have been vengeful and thrown my own daggers. I guess i just sat back and realized i didnt like myself anymore, and no matter what someone was doing to me, i was responsible for my own actions. I'm only saying this because now i feel a lot better. i dont have to get mean just because someone is being mean to me. so, im sorry if my post offends you. it really is not my intention.


Thank you. I understand where you are coming from now. I agree in that I do not like who I am when I get mad at him and I certainly don't want to become that way on a continuous basis. Kalina


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

Honey said:


> Hey, hun, don't you feel like doing what Laura did here to your husband?
> Watch it to the very end. YouTube - Bunny Part 5 :rofl:


LOL!! Thanks for the laugh!
Kalina


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

Your husband seems to be one that won't ever be pleased. that he will always find something wrong or to complain about. That is called emotional abuse - making you feel inferior. 

As someone mentioned earlier - YOU are not to blame! It is great that you are finding the strength to stand up for yourself even despite your current injuries. It is not an easy position to have to depend on other & especially your husband who begrudgingly assists you now. 
You definitely can do better, although your husband will try to convince you that is not so, when you tell him the news. Be strong & look out for yourself because you darn well know he won't be.
good luck & quick healing so you can fend for yourself.


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

believer said:


> Your husband seems to be one that won't ever be pleased. that he will always find something wrong or to complain about. That is called emotional abuse - making you feel inferior.
> 
> As someone mentioned earlier - YOU are not to blame! It is great that you are finding the strength to stand up for yourself even despite your current injuries. It is not an easy position to have to depend on other & especially your husband who begrudgingly assists you now.
> You definitely can do better, although your husband will try to convince you that is not so, when you tell him the news. Be strong & look out for yourself because you darn well know he won't be.
> good luck & quick healing so you can fend for yourself.



Sorry for not responding sooner. I have been really focusing on healing from my accident, that I haven't really had the time to get on-line. Funny you should mention that my husband will never be pleased no matter what I do. I said the very same statement to him recently when we had a somewhat decent conversation about this relationship. After our long talk he has been trying but today he just reverted right back to his some'ol junk. I guess I have to give him some credit because he is trying BUT...we talked and I told him while he is deployed I am going to do some serious thinking about me, us, and where we're heading. I have been working on this relationship way too long and I am ready for a break. I told him I will still support him while he's deployed and send him packages, etc., and that I will not just slap him with divorce papers while he's gone. What I plan to do is focus on me and focus on being happy again. One thing is for sure..I will never cheat on him and while he's away my focus will be solely on ME and finding myself again. I think a lot about what I will be doing while he's gone and I'm excited about it. I'm excited to have some peace, excited to pay off debt, alone time, volunteering again at the homeless shelter, and just reflect. I will support him while deployed because he is going to a war torn country and it is something I feel I should do. Anyway, thanks for all the comments everybody. 
kalina


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

kalina said:


> Thanks Robyn. I do feel that a divorce is in order. You made me laugh when you said I am not his soldier because that is what I tell him. He does treat me like one of his men. He barks orders and if I do not comply he has a major cow!! I think a large part of his problem is the fact that he can tell people what to do every day and they HAVE to listen to him whether they like it or not, and since I am not like that it drives him crazy. This accident has made me see the light and what I've known for some time but only thought it would get better.
> Kalina


question: who is "robyn?"

i never saw a robyn in this thread? sorry, just trying to follow the story correctly, and this seemed odd to me. did i miss a "robyn" post?


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## kalina (Oct 19, 2008)

i think that someone responded to my post and her name was robyn and she deleted her post, that's the only thing i can think of because looking back i cannot find what she wrote and i quoted.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> He sounds like a control freak, and you sound like a martyr. His behavior over shadows yours, so you feel you arent accountable for your own behavior. Believe it or not, you both are the same. He feels he has a reason to "throw daggers" and so do you. both of you are playing the same game, only both of you are losing.
> 
> YAYYYYYY!!!! AN OUNCE OF SANITY!!!! BRAVO, LJTSENG!!!
> 
> Start focusing on your own behavior, and how to be a better person. Do it for you, not for him.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

kalina said:


> i think that someone responded to my post and her name was robyn and she deleted her post, that's the only thing i can think of because looking back i cannot find what she wrote and i quoted.


humph, i'll be darned, cuz i checked the members list...and...oh well. could've been a pseudonym sign up and a real name in the post. it happens. sorry.


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