# Numb; just want to feel numb.



## corsocon (Oct 19, 2013)

Hi

I first met my partner 5 years ago. It was online, and we seemed to hit it off right from the start. There was nothing sexual about the relationship at first, merely a meeting of minds. Three months later, I quite my job to see if there was anything more to it. The thing was we lived on opposite sides of the world. I fell in love with her from the instant. Her looks, her scent, her personality. From our conversations in the past, I knew she was still seeing her Ex from time to time, a way of sratching an itch so to speak. I spent 5 weeks with her, she was unlike any woman I had ever known.... I was doomed lol, she told me she felt the same way. So I took a chance, and asked her to move to Australia with me. To my amazement she agreed. This was in late 2008, the USA economy was in the toilet, and she said she would like to try a new start. I knew that the Ex was still in the picture, in fact I knew she was still having sex with him up until the point she came to Australia, I was ok with it, he was the the love of her life for 15 years, and had been through a lot together even though in our conversations she told me he was a pot head, he never had really loved the way she loved him, and the only thing she felt that kept them together was amazing sex. But I stupidly thought that this would not be a concern. I left for Australia, and we started making our plans. I got her here on a 15 month tourist visa, she put most of everything into storage just on the off chance Australia was not for her, our back up plan was for me to move back to the States. This is were the problem begins....

Three months into the relationship, she started to question our sexual compatibility, (I appreciated that, as one of the problems I've found with woman is that if a mans' not doing it for her, she would rather put up with it rather than tell him), we worked through it, I learned how she liked to be touched, and things I thought, were going good. But over the coming months, the Skype calls to the Ex became more, and more regular. In fact when we fought, she was online sending him messages, that she needed to talk. She knew this made me uncomfortable, but I tolerated it, and she bacame more discrete, by talking in another room, and using headphones. When I asked her what they talked about, she was very vague, and got edgy with me. Okay thats the background, here's the what this is all about. Thre years ago, she said that she felt Australia was her home, and that she wanted to change her visa status to allow her to work. To do this she neede to return to the States, and submit all the paperwork. While she was there she needed to clean out the storage. I asked her if she was going to do this all by herself, as she had no family around. She said that she had enlisted the help of the Ex, thats when the alarm bells went off. But dumb old me said nothing. Over the next three and a half months we were apart. We kept in touch through Skype, the twelve hour time difference was a real *****. I would often Skype her and she would be doing her hair and putting on her makeup. In the back of my mind, I knew what she was doing, but all that I said was "You look lovely my darling." She said her Ex was picking her up from the friends she was staying with. It ended up being almost four day a weeks she was seeing him. I spoke her about it once during the last few weeks she was there, and asked why she felt she needed to spend so much time with the EX. She remained pefectly calm telling me "Why are you being jealous; silly man, if I wanted to cheat on you I would." That was three years ago. I knew what she had done, but I buried it down deep. Please don't get me wrong, the only reason I pushed these feelings aside is the fact that her Ex had got her through some extremely dark, dark times. So the bond they have is one that I will never deny her, and I understand why to a certain point. She has always been open and honest to me in all other regards. The trouble is now that she has started feeling a sense of curiousity about other men she works with. I know the difference between love and sex, so does she. We have no restrictions between each other, but its never got to a point where we've felt the need. I will not deny her that, I don't control her. She says that I'm her soulmate, the only one to truly understand her, and that I believe. It's just the talk of her being with other men, has triggered the feelings of rage I buried along time ago. I spoke to her two days ago about it, and she wonders why after three years I am bringing it up now, but this time she admitted to it telling me of how she was feeling at the time, and it was the only way to truly disconnect from him, she said that the fact she is here with me should tell the me answer. I truly don't know why this is hitting me now. You would think that after that amount of time it wouldn't matter , would it?


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

For a start how old are you and her ?

She's been with him for 15 yrs and one of the things that kept them together is amazing sex 

She moves in with you and starts seeing him again and you give her free licence to go back to the US and see him for three months 

Are you mad or winding us up!?!?!?

Do you expect her to sit down and discuss Obama's latest political problems over tea ?!/ 

ANd now she's interested in other men too ?!?!

Jesus wept 

You are not 'the one' never have been, never will be

Leave her in America with him and find someone who deserves you


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I think the meant "meal-ticket" instead of "soul-mate"


----------



## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

I'm confused. Are you saying you are giving her the option of an open relationship?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You don't control her.

Well, she certainly can't control herself, can she?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you live in a one sided open relationship where she sleeps anyone she wants, but tells you not to worry because she comes hone to you.

My advice - show her the door,

If she truly loved you, she would be faithful and loyal. She's been neither,


----------



## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I'm very sorry for the pain you are in but this relationship was poison. She is not someone you want to try and build a life around. It hurts right now, but you are truly blessed to have her out of your life.


----------



## corsocon (Oct 19, 2013)

She is 47, I'm 42, and no; I'm not winding anyone up. I suppose what I'm saying is that I understand the reasons for why she did it. An open relationship? I don't think so... Thanks for the advice everyone, really appreciated.


----------



## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Has this woman ever said "I love you" to you? Or rather, did you feel it?


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

corsocon said:


> She is 47, I'm 42, and no; I'm not winding anyone up. I suppose what I'm saying is that I understand the reasons for why she did it. An open relationship? I don't think so... Thanks for the advice everyone, really appreciated.


How is this not an "open" relationship if you let her have sex with anyone she wants?


----------



## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Corsocon, you give your trust out so easily. You never allowed her to earn it. The red flags were all there from the very beginning. Ex still in the picture. Sex with the Ex. Chatting it up frequently with the Ex. You were a lousy friend to yourself. This whole sordid story is not about lost love, nor about a terrible woman. This story is about a man that has no boundaries, no wisdom, no self esteem, and an enthusiastic welcome matt.

I would cut the chick lose and forever, then I would get into therapy to determine why you are the way you are, and to fix the issues that you have. You were given SEVERAL clear and present red flags but you choose to ignore them.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Headspin said:


> For a start how old are you and her ?
> 
> She's been with him for 15 yrs and one of the things that kept them together is amazing sex
> 
> ...


Don't mean to laugh but I had to.. sorry OP but that is just bizarre. Hope you're ok though but man, no way!


----------



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

corsocon said:


> She is 47, I'm 42, and no; I'm not winding anyone up. I suppose what I'm saying is that I understand the reasons for why she did it. An open relationship? I don't think so... Thanks for the advice everyone, really appreciated.


If you 'understand' the reasons that she did it, and then those reasons include why you as a boyfriend/husband/lover/partner whatever weren't there for her to meet her every need, want, and desire, then you my friend are being 'Gaslighted'.

The TRUE reason she did what she did requires the in depth knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence that can only be understood by taking 8 years of particle physics mixed with theology classes. Or you can look inside of a fortune cookie...

She did it because she DAMN WELL wanted to and she DID NOT give one care about how you felt about it, or how you fell about it. You should play a game with her called 'Show and Tell.' Show her the door, and let her tell you how she feels.

I'm not trying to be too harsh here brother, but don't sit here trying to understand the cosmic meaning of the universe when the answer is sitting right in front of your face. She wanted to do it!


----------



## eguchijw (Oct 21, 2013)

I'm very sorry for the pain you are in but this relationship was poison.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I knew that the Ex was still in the picture, in fact I knew she was still having sex with him up until the point she came to Australia, I was ok with it, he was the the love of her life for 15 years, and had been through a lot together even though in our conversations she told me he was a pot head, he never had really loved the way she loved him, and the only thing she felt that kept them together was amazing sex. But I stupidly thought that this would not be a concern. I left for Australia, and we started making our plans. I got her here on a 15 month tourist visa, she put most of everything into storage just on the off chance Australia was not for her, our back up plan was for me to move back to the States. *This is were the problem begins....*

Wrong -* I knew that the Ex was still in the picture* This is why you are here posting. The ex has to go bye bye. You are being nice but stupid. Ex's are a big no no in a relationship.


*our back up plan was for me to move back to the States*

Not our, not we, her back up plan was to move back to the states.

You are her soulmate? Really. Ask her to dump the ex for the rest of her life and she if you are her soul mate. Come back here 15 years from now and answer this, "Did she ever have contact again with the EX"? 

And after all the lies, etc, why are you still with her? You are not M, have no kids, no house together. Count this as a bad experience and move on.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

corsocon said:


> I knew that the Ex was still in the picture, in fact I knew she was still having sex with him up until the point she came to Australia, I was ok with it, he was the the love of her life for 15 years, and had been through a lot together
> 
> the only thing she felt that kept them together was amazing sex.


She was having sex with him up until the point she moved in with you - and you were "OK" with this? 

From the moment you accepted this, your relationship was a smoldering dumpster fire - that is, unless you had an unambiguous agreement for an open relationship; and that doesn't appear to be the case.

Move on with your life and find a "soul mate" that can be faithful to just you.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Don't mean to laugh but I had to.. sorry OP but that is just bizarre. Hope you're ok though but man, no way!


I could see someone doing this. In fact, that's pretty much what happened with my wife and I. Only a much shorter time period, thank God.

 Triggering... Just a bit.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I could see someone doing this. In fact, that's pretty much what happened with my wife and I. Only a much shorter time period, thank God.
> 
> Triggering... Just a bit.


Sorry, but I just can't wrap my head around it. Different courses for different horses. Just couldn't take her back after all that. Sorry about the triggering.


----------

