# how do you forgive????



## Lostinthis (Sep 11, 2012)

How do you forgive the person that you loved and been with and that you discovered that they cheated on you...
Not only that but when I discovered that and kicked her out of the house to think about what she did to us and how did she destroyed her family. guess what she do after .. she continue her $hit and sleep with at least 6 more different guys.
She was still cheating while we were in therapy and MC
She was cheating while I was in the hospital due to stress and no sleep.
She brought her Coworker that she was cheating with to my own home and while my kids were sleeping upstairs while I was overseas to see my parents and to relax for a bit.....

Believe it or not she is a MOM.....

Now she wants back ... she wants her family back.... she wants to go to counselor again... she wants what we had.....

Don't get me wrong .. I am not a mess right now.. thanks to TAM and my family and friends.. I am much stronger person and specially after reading no more nice guy and married man sex life.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

I going to look to see if I can find your story, but dont confuse forgiveness with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is based on the actions she takes out of true remorse (only time will tell if it is true).

Why would someone reconcile?
1. There is genuine love, not just the desire to not divorce. 
2. They have a history together.
3. They believe there is a good chance for success in the relationship.
4. The likelihood of repeat infidelity is very low.
5. Both partners can endure the anguish, guilt, self-evaluation, hard work, and suffering caused by the cheating.
6. The cheating partner can truly forsake former lovers emotionally and physically.

Forgiveness happens in the betrayed spouse's Soul (Mind, Will and Emotions).

Forgiveness does not remove the pain!
Forgiveness does not remove the memory!
Forgiveness does not change the cheating spouse!

Forgiveness addresses anger, and bitterness.

BTW you can forgive someone with whom you have NO intention of reconciling!

Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice and a commitment to think and act toward someone without regard to the wrong they have done, this is in relation to how you treat them and care for their needs, and this does not mean that you consider them trustworthy. That is a common misconception.

I dont know your story but from what you have shared here, this woman does not love or respect you!!
It looks like she hates and despises you but does not want to lose her comfortable nest.

Why would you take this woman back after she so blatantly disrespects you!

What has she done to show that she should even be considered for reconciliation?

"I'm sorry now, I want what we had?"... I would be insulted with motivation like that!


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

It is her burden to help you forgive her. I would say she has to acknowledge (come clean) on everything she did. She has to take responsibility for it. She has to acknowledge all the pain, suffering and destruction she causes. She has to swear up and down that nothing like any of that will ever happen again. She as to do her very best to somehow make it up to you and your family. And then she has to wait patiently as maybe you're able to forgive her and maybe not...


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Lostinthis said:


> How do you forgive the person that you loved and been with and that you discovered that they cheated on you...
> Not only that but when I discovered that and kicked her out of the house to think about what she did to us and how did she destroyed her family. guess what she do after .. she continue her $hit and sleep with at least 6 more different guys.
> She was still cheating while we were in therapy and MC
> She was cheating while I was in the hospital due to stress and no sleep.
> ...


I don't think your question gets to what you really want. You ask how you forgive. Forgiveness can be about acknowledging what the other person did and letting go of the anger and bitterness. That type of forgiveness is for you, so you don't hold on to the pain and let it dominate you.

But your text suggestions something else after forgiveness - continuing with your relationship with her. You can forgive and still decide to not be with her. You can forgive, and still trust her or her actions. One does not require the other.

With only the above to go on, I personally would find it hard to continue with her. I don't see how you can be sure there is genuine remorse and a desire to be back with you. However, additional details may allow us to help you.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

My OPINION (though that not waht you asked for):

She didn't make a "mistake" here. She deliberately had relations with 6 or 7 OTHER men. A mistake would be to get emotionally involved with someone or even a druken One Night Stand

Not only did she disrespect you and your vows, she sullied your home by having sex in it with another man.

Your wife is broken. Very Broken and needs ALOT of individual counseling to fix herself. To be honest with you, I don't think I could EVER get past the betrayl of 7 other men having sex with my wife


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I have to agree with my boy Toffer on this one.

Me and my wife have 3 kids together. It would be in everyone's best interest if an affair occurred to try our best to get through it for the better good of the family. Especially since my kids are still young. So yes, i could atleast wrap my mind around the possibility of getting past an affair. I'd be willing to listen to her reasoning behind it. 

That being said, i don't know if I could stomach listen to her reasoning behind banging about half a dozen guys, especially one being in my house while my kids slept. To the OP... the woman you met... the woman you choose to love and marry... is no longer there anymore. She is long gone. I couldn't picture my wife with another man... yet alone with half a dozen others. For my own sanity.. i'd have to walk away. I could forgive her... from afar, and never be in her presence besides when dealing with the kids.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

In your case, you move on. You don't forgive.

You gave her chances and she crapped on you every time. The only reason she wants back now is for the security that you provide.

Not a person to waste your time on IMO.


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Read "Bean Counter" on Literotica.


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## Lostinthis (Sep 11, 2012)

the funny thing is she started a new job 8 months ago. and i just found out that she slept with one and date another and she said we are just friends now becuase we work togther. and she said that is normal ....hahahah

wait ... How come I never slept with a coworker? isn't that the normal!!!!

So sad I told her that she need to go to IC and seek help and she said that I am the one that is crazy and need help!!!!!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

She thinks you must be crazy, because no other man (that she throws herself at) can resist her.

Its like the worm on a fishing hook "Dis-ing" a fish for not bitting!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Lostinthis said:


> So sad I told her that she need to go to IC and seek help and she said that I am the one that is crazy and need help!!!!!


There's your answer.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Run Forest! run!


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

You don't forgive. It's a joke that you are even considering it. Grab your sack, get some self respect back, and end it.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

"she wants what we had" 

What exactly did "we" have? The two of you that is.

She can not find another man to keep her. ( might have something to do with the fact she's a two timing wh*re.) That is why she wants back. 

If you wish to be cheated on and lied too take her back because it's what you had.


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