# "Sexless" Marriage - since we are on the topic



## Master.of.the.Cave (Jan 16, 2011)

:-(


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## Master.of.the.Cave (Jan 16, 2011)

:-(


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

First tings first, it is good to spend time reading the sticky topic at the top of this Men's Clubhouse for this very issue.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

My advice, from reading your post, is this:

1. You talk to her far far too much about sex. Less talking, more acting and behaving sexually yourself.

2. Do not expect your woman to view sex as you view it. She is a woman, you are a man. Sex to a man is, among other things, an important emotional/intimate expression of connection. Sex to a woman, to be blunt, is sometimes for pleasure sure, but sometimes just a means to some other end (make her man happy, satisfied, a duty, etc.) The "physical" part of sex, do not be offended if your woman doesn't romanticize it like we often do as men, for so much of our sex drive our whole life is for this "goal". A woman, it is not a "goal" often if ever. Even trying to "talk about how important sex is" is mostly wasting time, a woman sees this as mostly a scheme or worse, begging. That is no good for you.

3. Act and behave already as if you expect and deserve to have sex, to the point of being ****y and even quite a bit mischevious. Really get this down, this goes for all good men reading this. Do not ever ever EVER approach sex with your wife as a "treat" or a "bonus", but as natural expectation, as natural as the sun rising in the east. Flirt with her, tease her, tell her how good her @ss makes her skirt/slacks/jeans look etc. (note: not that the skirt/slacks/jeans make her @ss look good, little distinction that is often missed by too many men, her @ss is what makes _____ look good). Foreplay starts outside the bedroom, and it is often humorous yet mischevious flirting.

4. As much as you, and all good men reading this, wish sex to be mutual enjoyment between you and your woman everytime, understand this next point well. Be comfortable now and then being selfish about sex. Yes, selfish. Sometimes your woman just isn't in the mind to come to O, or be fondled, but it is enough for her emotionally that her man is satisfied and content and is attracted to her sexually even after all these years, and his needs are met and she still "has it". As contrary this is to much of "nice guy" tendancies, understand that often, VERY OFTEN, a woman secretly is wanting to be simply "taken" and ravished sexually and even aggressively (relatively to norm) by the man that loves her, and that she loves. And this is often the catch 22, once her man shows this kind of mettle and attraction to her, then she herself FEELS more sexual and the sexual connections ratchet up, instead of continuing to spiral down. Sex is primal, all good men reading this, do not forget this, lest your own sexual relationships devolve into a sad negotiation process, one that you and your woman will both lose.

Now, this advice is for the good man and woman in otherwise healthy relationship, where it was truth that there was fiery sexual attraction in the past. 

If there is issues in the relationship, such as past resentment, or "nice guy-ness", or EAs or PAs etc etc etc, of course these issues must be addressed.

I wish you well.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

This is gospel truth.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Master.of.the.Cave said:


> Physically, she has gone through menopause and is really dry, so she simply avoids intercourse. We touch each other (although she complains of being very ticklish so I can only do so much touching to her) and then she usually finishes me off orally. Because of her feeling of being ticklish, I can barely touch her, so she doesn't like me to stimulate her orally, or any other way...it's frustrating. I purchased the most "natural" lube on the market (her suggestion) and that didn't help; she didn't like the way it felt.


If sex is physically uncomfortable for her, she is not likely to want to engage in it frequently. She should go see her ob/gyn and discuss the dryness issue.

After menopause, when a woman's hormones have basically flat-lined, the lack of lubrication and the thinning of the vaginal walls can make sex extremely uncomfortable.

Even if she does not want to take HRT (and most doctors won't prescribe it except for short periods of time so you still end up having to deal with the situation somehow long-term), there are solutions - such as estrogen creams, suppositories, even vitamin E tablets broken and applied to the vagina can help. You should encourage her to go get checked out and try and pursue resolving this issue at least. It would clear at least one barrier that you have.

Vaginal dryness - MayoClinic.com

Best wishes.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

Great advice here!

I would add one thing.

The ticklish issue is more than likely just a way to discourage something that she is not into. Hopefully you can solve that with some of the advice given.

But lets assume its real. You can change your way of touching her, don't use light tickling touch, use your whole hand in a strong, firm touch, use your mouth in place of the tip of your tongue. Use your forearms, thighs, palms, anything with a broader surface. No lite touch, long deep strokes instead.

Be creative and have fun with it!


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