# Tinder dating Hookup?



## ToothFairy

I haven't dated since divorcing last November and am only now mildly interested - so my friend "forced" me to try Tinder. She loves it and has had several dates. 

My 20 and 22 year old sons like to look through my options and swipe 'NOPE' for just about everybody. They have informed me Tinder is for hooking up. Apparently.. if the men are shirtless they are asking for a booty call hookup situation?!

Have any of you fellow post divorce TAMers given Tinder a try? and what were the results?

I have bravely accepted a coffee date from someone and will be meeting him Friday at 2:30 in the afternoon. I figured this way I can make an escape easily if it's a dud.

BTW - he was wearing a shirt in his picture. :smthumbup:


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## jr92gp

Tinder is widely regarded as a hookup app. You are free to use it however you please, however you will have to manage expectations.

Try Hinge if it's available in your area. It's similar to Tinder, yet a little more personal. It uses Facebook connections to search for other singles in your area.


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## ChristianGrey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLoRPielarA


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## Healer

I met the gal I just broke up with on Tinder. We hooked up, but it turned into more (too much more). It's definitely not just a hookup app. But it can be. I know some people who met their SO on Tinder.


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## BetrayedDad

Every woman I spoke to or dated on tinder told me they were not just looking for a hook up (and neither was I). However, they also said that plenty of the guys on there were. Alot of them even wrote in the description box "Not looking for a hook up" though that didn't deter a few dudes from still trying. EVERY dating app or website has it's share of creepers, no different then going to a bar. Just set the expectation up front in the first conversation. I met my current girlfriend on tinder and have been together 8 months now for what it's worth.


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## Wolf1974

Tinder is it? Writing that down for next time I'm single &#55357;&#56832;


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## tacoma

Wolf1974 said:


> Tinder is it? Writing that down for next time I'm single ��




Dating app.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tinder&hl=en

Has a reputation for being for quick easy hook-ups only but I know a few couples have gotten together through it.

Seems like a lot of chaffe to work through.


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## FeministInPink

I met my first (and so far only, now ex-)boyfriend on Tinder. There are definitely a lot of dude-bros on there looking to just hook up, but there are some people looking for something more substantive as well.

You just have to weed out the hook-up/DTF people. (IMMEDIATELY. SWIPE. LEFT. on anyone who has DTF on their profile.) And, as someone here previously mentioned, even if you say you're not DTF/looking for a hook-up, you'll still get messages from some of those creepers. That's what the block function is for.


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## Jellybeans

I've only had positive experiences with Tinder.

Some people do use it for a quick bang, others are looking for more.

No way of telling who wants what unless you try. One of my guy friends just got engaged to a woman he met on Tinder. 

My advice: Always meet in a public place first.


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## Jellybeans

jr92gp said:


> Try Hinge if it's available in your area. It's similar to Tinder, yet a little more personal. It uses Facebook connections to search for other singles in your area.



That's what Tinder does... lol


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## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> That's what Tinder does... lol


Not exactly the same... 

With Tinder, you use your Facebook to create your account, and it will show you *if* you have any friends or interests in common, but it doesn't use these commonalities to determine who you see and who you don't. You can come across the profile of ANYONE on Tinder, as long as they're are within the geographic parameters you've set up--you won't necessarily have any friends or interests in common, and this is even more likely the case in a large metro area. Tinder has unlimited swiping and potential matches every day, so you can swipe through literally hundreds, or even thousands, of profiles on Tinder the first time you get on the app.

With Hinge, you also use your Facebook to create your account, and it will show you any friends you have in common. However, Hinge will ONLY show you people that are within your "network" and your geographic region. Your network is defined as people who are connected to you by 3 degrees or fewer. 

So, say I am friends with Jellybeans, and Jellybeans is friends with tacoma, and tacoma is friends with Wolf1974. Wolf1974 could show up in either my Tinder feed OR my Hinge feed.

Now, say BetrayedDad was friends with Wolf1974, and that is the ONLY connection he has to my network. BetrayedDad could show up in my Tinder feed, but he won't show up in my Hinge feed.

Basically, the idea behind Hinge is that your network serves as a kind of a proxy reference for the people that pop up in your feed. If I'm concerned that Wolf1974 might be a creeper, or that he might murder me if I invite him over to my place, I can say to Jellybeans, "Can you ask your friend tacoma about Wolf1974? I'm not sure if he's for real or if he might be a creeper."

The other thing about Hinge is that you're limited to something like 10 swipes a day. You can carry over 10, for a total of 20 potential matches in your queue, but once you go through those, you have to wait to get more. The idea is that Tinder kind of presents people as disposable, in this endless swipe-right-or-swipe-left machination, which de-values the individual match to something meaningless. Because it takes longer to just get a match on Hinge, the idea is that you will both be more likely to converse when a match actually happens, and treat one another like people of actual value, instead of just as a potential hookup.

The other thing about the network thing of Hinge is this: studies have shown that relationships between two people with shared social networks are more likely to succeed than relationships between two people with no shared social connection at all. I read that in an article recently, and wish I had the link to refer to it here.

OK, so that was long and detailed, but I hope y'all find it useful.


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## moxy

Some people use it to hook up, others to date. I've been enjoying Tinder lately, myself. My brief bio says I'm looking for someone to date, not just bang. I always message first, then phone, then make plans for a date, and I've met some nice people there. At least three couples (dating) that I know met through Tinder. At the very least, it's an ego boost.


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## ToothFairy

Thank you FIP for the info about Hinge..I actually think that theory makes sense!.

So, tonight I went on my first Tinder Date. It's a NO. It wasn't a hookup attempt but he has a lot of money and spent the entire time talking about himself. I am not kidding - he didn't ask me one question about me or try to get to know me. He was SO RUDE! He actually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to talk to a friend "he hasn't seen in months"... Really? They carried on for 10 minutes behind my back like a couple of college frat boys. 

His friend paid more attention to me than he did. Pretentious, self inflated ego and much shorter than he claimed. Uggg...


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## 06Daddio08

That's one of the downfalls to using that app, you can't vet as much before meeting.


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## moxy

ToothFairy said:


> Thank you FIP for the info about Hinge..I actually think that theory makes sense!.
> 
> 
> 
> So, tonight I went on my first Tinder Date. It's a NO. It wasn't a hookup attempt but he has a lot of money and spent the entire time talking about himself. I am not kidding - he didn't ask me one question about me or try to get to know me. He was SO RUDE! He actually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to talk to a friend "he hasn't seen in months"... Really? They carried on for 10 minutes behind my back like a couple of college frat boys.
> 
> 
> 
> His friend paid more attention to me than he did. Pretentious, self inflated ego and much shorter than he claimed. Uggg...



That's unfortunate. He sounds socially inept. And, insecure. How long did you guys talk or text before you went out?

Hang in there, though; there are so many more potential matches from which you can choose. Annoying dates (as well as good ones) can come from places other than Tinder, too, after all, so I wouldn't blame the platform after just one date. Maybe the next one will be a good one.


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## Healer

ToothFairy said:


> Thank you FIP for the info about Hinge..I actually think that theory makes sense!.
> 
> So, tonight I went on my first Tinder Date. It's a NO. It wasn't a hookup attempt but he has a lot of money and spent the entire time talking about himself. I am not kidding - he didn't ask me one question about me or try to get to know me. He was SO RUDE! He actually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to talk to a friend "he hasn't seen in months"... Really? They carried on for 10 minutes behind my back like a couple of college frat boys.
> 
> His friend paid more attention to me than he did. Pretentious, self inflated ego and much shorter than he claimed. Uggg...


Wow. D0uchecanoe extraordinaire.


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## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> ToothFairy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you FIP for the info about Hinge..I actually think that theory makes sense!.
> 
> So, tonight I went on my first Tinder Date. It's a NO. It wasn't a hookup attempt but he has a lot of money and spent the entire time talking about himself. I am not kidding - he didn't ask me one question about me or try to get to know me. He was SO RUDE! He actually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to talk to a friend "he hasn't seen in months"... Really? They carried on for 10 minutes behind my back like a couple of college frat boys.
> 
> His friend paid more attention to me than he did. Pretentious, self inflated ego and much shorter than he claimed. Uggg...
> 
> 
> 
> Wow. D0uchecanoe extraordinaire.
Click to expand...

There's a reason he's single... :rofl:

Not everyone has a "there's a reason..." but this one definitely does.


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## Heidi2005

ToothFairy said:


> Thank you FIP for the info about Hinge..I actually think that theory makes sense!.
> 
> So, tonight I went on my first Tinder Date. It's a NO. It wasn't a hookup attempt but he has a lot of money and spent the entire time talking about himself. I am not kidding - he didn't ask me one question about me or try to get to know me. He was SO RUDE! He actually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to talk to a friend "he hasn't seen in months"... Really? They carried on for 10 minutes behind my back like a couple of college frat boys.
> 
> His friend paid more attention to me than he did. Pretentious, self inflated ego and much shorter than he claimed. Uggg...



I think you were on a date with my Ex..:rofl:
Sorry it didn't work out so well....


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## motl

So far I've found Tinder to be pretty good. It's definitely a mixed bag, BUT I've found people on there are more willing to meet almost right away. Obviously meeting without a real profile and/or much pre-date conversation means you'll have some duds, but at least you get them in front of you right away. Most girls I've spoken to on Tinder are willing to meet after one longish (hour+) exchange. 

OKC seems to be decent for this too. Selection is much, much less but most of the girls I've spoken with there seem to be more serious about having legit convos and/or meeting in person relatively quickly.

POF is the worst for me, by far. It's just a sheer volume game and many of the ones who respond are completely ****ing boring because they're obviously just sending out one line replies to a bunch of random guys who messaged them. Trying to have a real conversation is typically Very painful, to the point where I give up before ever asking them to meet. So far I've only met one girl from POF (spoken to dozens) - she was very nice actually, but we didn't click.

So Tinder definitely has its drawbacks, but as long as you only accept safe dates (ie. coffee in a public place) it's a good way to 'speed date' online, I think.


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## EnjoliWoman

I've found the free sites are either full of those who aren't serious (married or ONS) or cheap. I don't want any of those. match has always resulted in the best men for me.


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## motl

I'm sure the pay ones are better, but I haven't yet convinced myself to start throwing money at online dating.


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## FeministInPink

motl said:


> I'm sure the pay ones are better, but I haven't yet convinced myself to start throwing money at online dating.


:iagree:


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## Healer

motl said:


> So far I've found Tinder to be pretty good. It's definitely a mixed bag, BUT I've found people on there are more willing to meet almost right away. Obviously meeting without a real profile and/or much pre-date conversation means you'll have some duds, but at least you get them in front of you right away. Most girls I've spoken to on Tinder are willing to meet after one longish (hour+) exchange.
> 
> OKC seems to be decent for this too. Selection is much, much less but most of the girls I've spoken with there seem to be more serious about having legit convos and/or meeting in person relatively quickly.
> 
> POF is the worst for me, by far. It's just a sheer volume game and many of the ones who respond are completely ****ing boring because they're obviously just sending out one line replies to a bunch of random guys who messaged them. Trying to have a real conversation is typically Very painful, to the point where I give up before ever asking them to meet. So far I've only met one girl from POF (spoken to dozens) - she was very nice actually, but we didn't click.
> 
> So Tinder definitely has its drawbacks, but as long as you only accept safe dates (ie. coffee in a public place) it's a good way to 'speed date' online, I think.


The woman I'm seeing now - I met on POF. Although it was somewhat organic, as she had see me play in my band and was attracted at that point but thought I was married, so didn't approach. Saw me on POF and hit me up. I've only met one other woman via POF. She came over to my house but nothing happened - we're friends now. They're all a crap shoot.


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## motl

Healer said:


> The woman I'm seeing now - I met on POF. Although it was somewhat organic, as she had see me play in my band and was attracted at that point but thought I was married, so didn't approach. Saw me on POF and hit me up. I've only met one other woman via POF. She came over to my house but nothing happened - we're friends now. They're all a crap shoot.


I'm guessing location and age group probably play a role as well.


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## Chuck71

I have used POF / OKC twice..... two years ago and the present. I will clearly admit,

women get a ton of guys who want what the woman doesn't. But from a guy's 

stance... you may not get but 10% the emails a female would but....

a better chance at it being a genuine interest message.


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## Lifescript

My boss found her husband on match.com 

Tinder seems to be more for younger folks and ONS. 

If I do online dating I'll use match. 

Which one is better ... tinder or OKC?


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## Chuck71

LS........... OKC is better than T or POF. I have heard EHarm is the best bang

for your buck. LS.... hope you are doing well brother


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## Lifescript

Chuck71 said:


> LS........... OKC is better than T or POF. I have heard EHarm is the best bang
> 
> for your buck. LS.... hope you are doing well brother


Hey Chuck. 

I'm doing good man. Not ready for online dating yet as divorce is not final but when it is I may do this. E-Harm looks good (more mature). Heard match is good too. 

Hope you are doing good too brother.

Take care,


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## nice777guy

For Tinder and Hinge - the ones that access your Facebook profile - will your "normal friends" see that you are using these apps? Do they post any notices to your Facebook page?


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## motl

Tinder doesn't. Not sure about Hinge but I doubt it. Plus you normally need to specifically give apps permission to post to FB.


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## FeministInPink

No, Hinge doesn't, either. I've had zero luck with Hinge, though...

The thing I don't like about these apps... you get a match, and you're all like "Yay!" until that person never messages you, or you message them and they never respond.

I don't get that. YOU SWIPED RIGHT ON ME, but now you don't want to talk to me? WTF? Some guys swipe right on every single profile to up their chances, and I find that really irritating. Because I actually take the time to write a good, genuine message, but 4/5 I'm sending it to some guy who doesn't really want to talk to me. So much wasted time on messages that don't get responses.

So I just gave up. I thought, fvck this. I'm not messaging a guy ever again. If a guy is interested in me, he can message me, otherwise I'm going on living my life, because life is too short to deal with this bullsh!t.


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## motl

Well I think most guys assume it's their responsibility to message first anyway. 

But ya, many guys do swipe left on everyone. I'm pretty selective so most of my matches at least return my message, although it doesn't always go somewhere. I almost never get a first message from girls I match with.


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## FeministInPink

motl said:


> Well I think most guys assume it's their responsibility to message first anyway.
> 
> But ya, many guys do swipe left on everyone. I'm pretty selective so most of my matches at least return my message, although it doesn't always go somewhere. I almost never get a first message from girls I match with.


I must be pretty unapproachable, then


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## nice777guy

So I can sign up for Tinder using my current Facebook account and not have to worry about people wondering why I'm using a "hookup" app?

Had read an article recommending setting up a new FB just for Tinder.


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## motl

nice777guy said:


> So I can sign up for Tinder using my current Facebook account and not have to worry about people wondering why I'm using a "hookup" app?
> 
> Had read an article recommending setting up a new FB just for Tinder.


Yes you are fine.

However, I'd recommend making your FB profile private if you're not using one specifically for Tinder. At the very least, don't put your profile pic on Tinder.

Since Tinder uses your first name it's really easy to search that name on FB and try to match the profile pic to find you. If your profile is public then that's a lot of exposure you may not be intending.

But no, your friends won't know you're on the app.


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## Sammy64

nice777guy said:


> So I can sign up for Tinder using my current Facebook account and not have to worry about people wondering why I'm using a "hookup" app?
> 
> Had read an article recommending setting up a new FB just for Tinder.


Thats what i did, Made a 2nd account on FB and used it as my T account. I have had NO luck on T..


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## FeministInPink

How NOT to do Tinder, fellas:

Tinder's creepiest pick-up lines sound even worse read aloud


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## Sammy64

LOL those are good.. I like the snow reference ...


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## Tomara

My first date off of EHarmony was married. I found this out before I went out with him. He was in the process of divorce. I had so much fun watching him dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole😮


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## Amplexor

FeministInPink said:


> How NOT to do Tinder, fellas:
> 
> Tinder's creepiest pick-up lines sound even worse read aloud


All the romance of a Craig's List Casual Encounters post.


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## SamuraiJack

Amplexor said:


> All the romance of a Craig's List Casual Encounters post.


Heh, hey , heyyyy.....some of my most surreal encounters with serial daters who were undeniably without boundaries started with a drunken posting to Craig's List....:smthumbup:

I kid.

Met my current GF on match.
We are going on three years.


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## pragmaster

Hi. I'm a man for starters and I've used Tinder for about a year. It's not a bad app. I've met quite a few girls off of there and I've never been interested or advertised hook-ups, but nonetheless they have occured. 

It depends on your area. I'm a hippy and a metalhead and I live in a town that's primarily conservatives (religious and university yuppies) and country folk (cowboys/cowgirls). I can swipe right all I want on every profile, but the reality is I am mostly unattracted to 99% of em' and I am sure likewise with them because of what I typed in my profile. Thus, I've had a lot of encounters, but most of them never go anywhere and these days I am looking for much more than just sex. When I went on a business trip to Montreal last month, my gosh. I met so many girls that I actually clicked with (keywords clicked with) that I even debated moving over there. Plus in bigger cities the swiping never ends.

Effective, but it's a very vain app. Sometimes I wonder if most girls use Tinder to feel better about themselves than to actually meet people.


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## Kerosene Hat

Hinge works. Better probability of a match. Better matches when they happen (greater probability of actually messaging each other) and better quality interactions in person. All with the possibility of a fun one night stand dangling in the air. I'm 2 for 2 with ONS's from Hinge and both women were fun to go out with. The first one didn't even text me back after I thanked her for a nice night & Sunday morning (breakfast in bed, so to speak). Which is kind of good - if you aren't going to text back, I'll take the transactional sex and move on, thank you very much. 

However, it is possible to overdo it. I met 6 women last week, which gets costly and tiring. Still, not a bad little run for having recently gone through cancer and a breakup. 

Caveat - with Hinge, you need friends & friends of friends using it, in order to baseload the social connections. If that doesn't work, you'll be out of luck.


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## motl

It's also not available everywhere.


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## Rowan

Tomara said:


> My first date off of EHarmony was married. I found this out before I went out with him. He was in the process of divorce. I had so much fun watching him dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole&#55357;&#56878;


Yikes! 

I just started using EHarmony on Friday. Lots of matches who live 3+ hours from me. And one guy who lives in my zipcode, but who I've known since high school. I've also known both of his ex-wives since high school. He married his first wife, divorced her and married her best friend. His first wife, meanwhile, married the best friend's ex-husband. Then, about 5 years later, they all divorced each other and re-married their original partners. They're all divorced again. They've all got shared kids. It's the biggest ******* trainwreck you can imagine. And now he's on EHarmony with a profile that reads like he's the greatest guy ever. And like he's 3 inches taller than I know him to be. 

So, EHarmony's fabled compatibility algorithms have matched me with a guy I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole and verifiably have nothing in common with besides a zipcode. So far, online dating is not striking me as a great idea......


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## TheGoodGuy

Rowan said:


> Yikes!
> 
> I just started using EHarmony on Friday. Lots of matches who live 3+ hours from me. And one guy who lives in my zipcode, but who I've known since high school. I've also known both of his ex-wives since high school. He married his first wife, divorced her and married her best friend. His first wife, meanwhile, married the best friend's ex-husband. Then, about 5 years later, they all divorced each other and re-married their original partners. They're all divorced again. They've all got shared kids. It's the biggest ******* trainwreck you can imagine. And now he's on EHarmony with a profile that reads like he's the greatest guy ever. And like he's 3 inches taller than I know him to be.
> 
> So, EHarmony's fabled compatibility algorithms have matched me with a guy I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole and verifiably have nothing in common with besides a zipcode. So far, online dating is not striking me as a great idea......


Wow.. just wow.. You can't make this stuff up! As they say, real life if stranger than fiction..


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## EnjoliWoman

Well so much for that. I was considering trying eHarmony.

I have met lots of people via match, including the last BF so I thought I'd sign up again as it's been a few years. A few total skeevy guys have approached me, only a couple decent guys. I have emailed at least 12-15 with just pleasant witty observations about their profiles and get ZIP in return. I don't know if they aren't interested or if they aren't paying members. I hate that you can't tell. I don't want to waste time on guys who can't read my emails. 

I'm frustrated by it all. I'm a great catch. I'm not perfect but I'm fun, smart, kind... not a 10 but I think I'm a 7-8. A few more pounds down and I'll be hotter but a size 12 isn't awful and having all my teeth has to count for something! :rofl:

My city has actually been listed as one of the worst places to meet people. Which is crazy considering it's a bona fide CITY and there are tons of things to do. But I don't have anyone to do stuff with. I'm very selective about my friends and honestly they are social duds.

I guess I'll force myself to do some meet up thing alone.


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## Rowan

EW, I can't remember where you are exactly, but apparently North Carolina is absolutely overrun with eligible single gentlemen. At least, that's where all my EHarmony matches seem to come from. Which would probably be okay, except that I live near Savannah...... :slap:

And, yeah, the handful of matches I've contacted have resulted in zero response. It's a little frustrating. But, hey, you might have better luck with EHarmony than I have so far. I think my living in a rural area is going to mean that any kind of online dating is pretty hit-or-miss.


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## Acoa

I tried Tinder and hated it. Not really into the hookup thing and I think the few women it chatted with picked up on that and self disqualified.

Match has been good. There are a lot of non paying profiles, so you do have to play a bit of a numbers game 30 to 40 emails to get 3 or 4 responses. But there are close to 1000 women on it within 30 minutes of me. I sent out 40 requests in a month and went on 3 dates. One of which we have done a 2nd date and have a 3rd planned for tomorrow. 

Ill hold off on the next salvo of emails if and when this one fizzles.


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## Chuck71

Rowan said:


> Yikes!
> 
> I just started using EHarmony on Friday. Lots of matches who live 3+ hours from me. And one guy who lives in my zipcode, but who I've known since high school. I've also known both of his ex-wives since high school. He married his first wife, divorced her and married her best friend. His first wife, meanwhile, married the best friend's ex-husband. Then, about 5 years later, they all divorced each other and re-married their original partners. They're all divorced again. They've all got shared kids. * It's the biggest ******* trainwreck you can imagine*. And now he's on EHarmony with a profile that reads like he's the greatest guy ever.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

only in the South! TN here BTW


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## Chuck71

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well so much for that. I was considering trying eHarmony.
> 
> I have met lots of people via match, including the last BF so I thought I'd sign up again as it's been a few years. A few total skeevy guys have approached me, only a couple decent guys. I have emailed at least 12-15 with just pleasant witty observations about their profiles and get ZIP in return. I don't know if they aren't interested or if they aren't paying members. I hate that you can't tell. I don't want to waste time on guys who can't read my emails.
> 
> I'm frustrated by it all. I'm a great catch. I'm not perfect but I'm fun, smart, kind... not a 10 but I think I'm a 7-8. A few more pounds down and I'll be hotter but a size 12 isn't awful and having all my teeth has to count for something! :rofl:
> 
> My city has actually been listed as one of the worst places to meet people. Which is crazy considering it's a bona fide CITY and there are tons of things to do. But I don't have anyone to do stuff with. I'm very selective about my friends and honestly they are social duds.
> 
> I guess I'll force myself to do some meet up thing alone.


If you're on Match and a paying member... go to sent mail

it will tell you if it was read or not and when

Rowan............ Beautiful area where you are. LOVE Tybee Island!


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## gdtm0111

I just signed up today, thought I'd give it a try. I have my simple expectations of it - I'm only looking to date, no LTR's.

However, are there a lot of sketchy people out there these days?


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## Jellybeans

You will find sketch people in all walks of life or apps. Hahaha.

Just be sure to meet somewhere public.

And be upfront bout the fact you are just looking to date casually, and nothing LTR.


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