# Hardest part for me



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The hardest part for me is the unknown. What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wish I was stronger. I 100% get why people stay in marriages that aren't great.


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## Juice (Dec 5, 2013)

Look at it in a positive way. You're assuming the unknown is a negative. 

Cheer up! 

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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again.


What if you find a terrific companion and partner and live happily ever after?

Staying in a bad marriage out of fear is not the answer, IMO. I know how you feel though.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Think of this as a breath you needed to take... you know another one will come that follows it, and another, and another and another.

I know it hurts right now... but we don't always need a plan, just a breath.

Let go... see what happens and trust the process... remember your feelings come and go like visitors, just don't invite the bad ones in for coffee.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

What if you find out being by yourself is better than being with the wrong partner?

and if it does fall apart again - you're experience, and can navigate more confidently second time around. I'm contemplating #2 myself.


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Well take heart in knowing you are not alone in those thoughts, many people have exactly the same feelings. Live your life for you, find yourself, enjoy your time, blossom into someone new, stronger and better and not only will those thoughts diminish but you will find that in the natural course of time it will become good for you. Do not fear, go out and be you, everything else will fall into place in good time and you will come out smiling not worrying. Enjoy.


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## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

God says tomorrows worries wi take care of themselves. Just be the best u that u can be... Read book about it a x be patient. But be prepared

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> The hardest part for me is the unknown. What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wish I was stronger. I 100% get why people stay in marriages that aren't great.


*Athought it can definitely be construed as somewhat of a defeatist attitude, I suppose that I'm starting to be of the psychological mindset that as long as "I never really take the time to get back into a committed, loving relationship with someone, at least they won't be able to cheat on me, which in and of itself, seems to be a pretty nice thing!"

And although the painful, rather overriding sense of loneliness in being alone, still seems to prevail, in essence, you come to trade any possibility of future faithfulness with a new love interest, for abject aloneness; all out of fear of being deceptively hurt that way ever again!*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You are smart, bright, beautiful, young, educated, worthy. Don't let your circumstances tell you otherwise. You can do this, do not sell yourself short of a life you could have.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The best laid plans of mice and men...

Man proposes. God disposes.

It's all unknown, married or single. The best defense I have found against future fear is believing that I can adapt, survive, and thrive come what may.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Seems to me that leaving a situation where you are miserable for one where you might be miserable is a good risk. 

At least in actuary land.....


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

No woman no cry. Every little ting gonna' be alright 


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> The hardest part for me is the unknown. What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wish I was stronger. I 100% get why people stay in marriages that aren't great.


Focus on YOU and making a life for yourself. You need to be ok with being on your own. Someone may come along some day, they may not. You need to live in a way that you are ok either way. If you try love again and it doesnt work, then you'll know you can make it. You are already focusing on another person, a person who isnt even in your life yet. Turn that focus to yourself instead. I know the unknown is scary, but many of us have faced that and come through it all fine, you can too.


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## bullyisback (May 23, 2017)

Het up dust ur boots off put that chest out n stick up that chin and u show people she will not control me n will see I'm doing better when she's gone. Women hate seeing u better ur situation after they go but hate when they see u fold up. Its easy for a person to continue to stay mad. Its energy. After it starts it moves d hard to stop. But if u motivste get out n handle ur business she's going to get jealous especially if u date someone as pretty or better its ok to be sensitive and love and miss her but do urself s favor andevict this terror in ur mind because its living rent free 

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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

People leave when the pain of staying is worse than the fear and uncertainty of leaving. 

They also leave when they know it would be better on their own even if they didn't ever find someone else.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> The hardest part for me is the unknown. What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wish I was stronger. I 100% get why people stay in marriages that aren't great.


I think if you are thinking this way you will do yourself a disservice. Look to build a strong life alone first. Get to the point where you feel satisfied in that life then you will not have so much riding on your next relationship. That will give you the strength to be honest and operate from a position of strength and not fear. When you operate out of fear you make poor choices. everyone does.

Remember nothing really good in life comes without risk.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

There is not much unknown at this point. You know you will be happier alone than you were in your marriage. You know that you may find someone that makes you happy. You know you will not stay with someone who doesn't make you happy.

Do not fear things you have control over.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The problem with being in a sucky relationship is that you are stuck. You know each day is going to suck as bad as if not worse than the day before. You know that you won't find love or happiness but you are stuck in the current situation. 

When you are on your own, there really isn't an actual guarantee that you will find love again - but at least each new day has potential. Each new day has a possibility.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> katiecrna said:
> 
> 
> > The hardest part for me is the unknown. What if I don't find someone else and I'm alone. What if I find someone, fall in love and it all falls apart again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I wish I was stronger. I 100% get why people stay in marriages that aren't great.
> ...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Fear of the unknown keeps many in dysfunctional marriages. TAM is full of those stories. The question is on which side of that line will you end up. Having ended a very long marriage late in life, I can confirm there's nothing easy about divorce. And there are certainly no guarantees about the future. But life after divorce can be very good. Mine is. Yours could be too -- if that's the path you take.


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