# TotallyEmotionless



## APerk (May 26, 2012)

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So after six weeks of marriage I find out that my husband is leading a double life!!!I have great intuition, but I give people three chances to redeem themselves. This past week was the last time. It made me look through our cell phone records and after my extensive Nancy Drew work, it looks like he has been in contact with several people and he claims to not have any friends other than who I know about. He is confronted and makes up the dumbest story I have ever heard in my entire life!!! To get to the point , he has been meeting people (as friends) and exchanging numbers as a married man...I knew two women when we were engaged, I let it go, because I didn't feel threatened by what he said. I then learn he's talking to men too!!!WTF...so I feel obligated to call and text these ppl. The women all did not know he was married but they were just friends, ok cool, but I learn the men are gay/bisexual/transvestite and I'm like really??I find have a long conversation with one that had a lot of reoccurring correspondence...I'm thinking it is the transvestite he said that they were friends.Nope it ended up being another man who said they have been doing what ever since last year (sex)...smdh...I have come to thclusion that he's biseual, he said he's not gay so he technically telling the truth (riiiiight) anyways I believe he goes on craigslist and puts up ads, I believe I saw two posts that were of him. He thinks everything is cool and I am ok. I haven't confronted him about being bisexual or craigslist yet. I had to leave my house because I am so messed up right now over this!!! I have been to a divorce lawyer and want to proceed. When I get home I will confront him, I have so much evidence its stupid for him to even try to make a justification. My first marriage has been taken from me, my first everything has been taken...I have no control over my emotions right now. On top of that the photographer from the wedding sent the pictures in the mail this weekend.Ain't this a b****.I have put two and twoand together and I think all his closets friends are on the DL...and one has four children and married!! So Hurt Right Now!!!


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## QualJin (May 26, 2012)

I can relate to you on some level. My husband was talking to an ex and trashing me and our marriage to her. She even told him to abandon me when I went to the hospital one night and he actually considered it! That same night, he cut off all my access to money, while I was still at the hospital!!! I know how you feel when you say that you have no control over your emotions. I feel the same way. And the wedding photos? Well I never even got to put them out because he decided to divorce me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

APerk,

What a horrible ordeal for you to have to go through. Do hope you have family and friends you help you through this. 

Be sure you see a doctor and get tested for every STD known. Your husband has put your very life at risk with his disgusting behavior. If he's bi, or gay, or whatever that's ok. What is not ok is to pick up people on craigslist, be on the dl and such all the while hiding this form you and even marrying you.

With the short length of your marriage you should be able to get an annulment..


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

Wow that's terrible the things ppl do...the thing is everyone is like Where's the pics, omg I wanna see them. His pictures looked great from his portfolio and he took some at the venue where we got married.We got married on 4/7/12!! By God I'm so hurt, and hurt isn't the word...I'm mad at him then sad, then I feel sorry for him, mad at my self all at the same time!!I know he loves me but I guess the excitement of what he does or who he is will forever be there, BUT NOT WITH ME!! I want a straight and narrow man who loves women, wants to be with women ONLY...he was the only person I ever thought who could complete me


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

how old are the two of you?


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

@ Elegirl, on top of that I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in January and he was so supportive, cut my hair after it started shedding, and that made me love him more!!! I could be so sick, if I caught something...I don't know what to feel, my brain is so overloaded I don't know, only my mom and best friend know, I drove from SC to PA just to get away bc I cant sleep around him I'm paranoid etc. In SC I can't get annulled over this, their dumb laws don't permit it, but the lawyer says with all the proof I have I can get a divorce based on adultery.


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

We are both 27, first marriage, sigh, I lost so much sentimental moments over this!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, I just read the law. You would not be eligible... bummer.

Have you considered exposing his infidelity to his family? How about to the spouses of the men he was having sex with?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he have any clue why you left? Why does he think you left?


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

He's not telling anyone he's married male or female, I texted two females and spoke to one, they all didn't know, but are just friends (cover up) bc I thought he was cheating with women, that I can get over eventually,but the one guyswhos number is all over the phone bill, said they had sex been talking since last year, which I can see from the bill, but I trusted him and never thought to look at the damn bill Ugh!!! I want to tell his mom, but if he tries not to sign the papers that will be my number one threat. His best friends wife, knows half of the story, and thinks the rest of the crew is all on the DL there is six of them, I'm thinking ahe is thinking if her husband is that way they have three kids and one on the way .


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

He thinks I left bc I'm upset bc he gave out his number, he changed his number as proof he is done, but is stupid bc I'm looking at the phone bill and he is still making these random calls , I'm sure he's happy I'm gone this weekend but I plan to come home early and tell him another time...I asked did he have anyone at the house (i thought women) he said no... But I have so much proof he can't say anything that will change my mind. But I still just want to bust him out lol,I laugh at the situation, cry, everything, don't know what to feel.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

APerk said:


> I want to tell his mom, but if he tries not to sign the papers that will be my number one threat.


He cannot prevent you from getting a divorce. How quickly can you get a divorce if he signs and agrees to everything?


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

I know that by law, don't think he does!!! So sucks for him both ways


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

He doesn't read like I do.


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

The lawyer says its fairly easily, even if he doesn't go to court that's admitting fault


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

APerk said:


> He thinks I left bc I'm upset bc he gave out his number, he changed his number as proof he is done, but is stupid bc I'm looking at the phone bill and he is still making these random calls , I'm sure he's happy I'm gone this weekend but I plan to come home early and tell him another time...I asked did he have anyone at the house (i thought women) he said no... But I have so much proof he can't say anything that will change my mind. But I still just want to bust him out lol,I laugh at the situation, cry, everything, don't know what to feel.


I have a similar situation going on here.. except here it's all online. I have thousands of screen shots of what has been going on. I plan to say very little. Instead I might just give him a copy of the screen shots and tell him it's time for him to move out. There is nothing to say. 

With your husband's history, it's obvious that you do not even know who he is and what he is capable of. Would it really be wise for you to confront him in private? This is something that he and a lot of other men have worked very hard to keep secret from their wives and extended family. You are blowing the lid off it.

Were I you, I'd be very careful.


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

Funny you say that, I asked my friend should I do it in public, idk, I'm just planning, this is so hard for me


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Congratulations on finding out those red flags now before he gave you an std or tried to get you involved in his fantasies. I mean OMG! 

You have every right to be upset about this but just stop for a moment and breath a sigh of relief you didn't have to go through years of MC or have any children with this man. 

It's going to be tough staying adamant about divorce and not letting him change your mind, it's tough for a lot of betrayed spouses left with no choice but to file. Though your marriage was short enough that finding an honest and great guy won't take you too long... you'll still need to take some personal time to work on you but I know you can do SOOO much better.


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## APerk (May 26, 2012)

Thank you, I'm already like just want to adopt a baby girl and keep moving...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

6 weeks! Think of all the angst you have averted. Walk on, walk on. Emotionless is a good thing. He doesn't deserve any of your energy. Keep it clean, make a break, learn to trust again, yourself, ask questions, don't be so eager to be so 'good' when it comes to discovery...tend to your boundaries, you'll be fine. You have a great instinct.


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