# DH emotional affair/antidepressants/anxiety



## daycaremom (Sep 8, 2008)

My guy of 20 years had an emotional affair and she played games and messed with him so bad that he is now in the throws of depression and anxiety. He recently started on antidepressants and is continuing to suffer from anxiety. He says the anxiety is because of the situation with TOW. 

He tried to backoff before he got in to deep but she cried and made him believe she had strong feelings for him twice. Now that he is IN love with her she told him she doesn't want to see him anymore. 

He has been a reck for a few months and this just seemed to send him over the edge. I feel partly responsible for this happening so I have been sticking it out. Above all I love this man and I can't imagine my life with out him. 

I have had problems with anxiety in the past so I can relate to how he feels when it happens, but when I try to tell him how I got through it he gets mad and frustrated and won't listen to anything I say. He comes home from work (he works with TOW) a shaking mess and then drinks to relieve it. 

He is scheduled to see a counselor soon but how can I help him with this???

TIA


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think he might get help from going to AA. His drinking to cope is a big red flag.

draconis


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## daycaremom (Sep 8, 2008)

He has had drinking issues in the past. He tried AA once and said he wouldn't go back again. 

He is angry and doesn't want much to do with me these days.

I wish I could find a suble way to teach him some coping skills.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

It has been over a year since I discovered my wife’s emotional affair. The anxiety is difficult to deal with but it can get better. The recovery in this could be very long so prepare yourself. Continue to support him and give him time to disconnect from her. For him to truly be able to do this would mean no contact so he should seriously consider a change in jobs. Drac is right about the AA. Drinking will not help and will more than likely drive him into a deeper depression. Let him know you are committed to him and the marriage and work with him to come back to you. He’s made a big mistake and is now suffering the consequences. Good luck.


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## daycaremom (Sep 8, 2008)

He says he is lost and doesn't know who he is anymore. 

TOW will not stop communicating with him. He has actually brought up the idea of getting a different job. The problem is that he was just given a promotion in December with training opportunities that he wouldn't have just anywhere. 

I get so mad because this "thing" is effecting every aspect of our lives. I believe he knows what he has to do to save his carreer, our home and our family and that is why he has so much anxiety.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

daycaremom said:


> He says he is lost and doesn't know who he is anymore.
> 
> TOW will not stop communicating with him. He has actually brought up the idea of getting a different job. The problem is that he was just given a promotion in December with training opportunities that he wouldn't have just anywhere.
> 
> I get so mad because this "thing" is effecting every aspect of our lives. I believe he knows what he has to do to save his carreer, our home and our family and that is why he has so much anxiety.


:iagree:


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

I will do this: go see the supervisor at your fjob or the chief of HR or the director and explain that this girl have made sexual harrassement on oyru husband. menaing your hsuband go tlak to his bnoss and file a complaing agaisnt that woman for sexual harrassement and say what it klead him too ( no mention of drinking nor anxiety of course) just say she has to be fired cause its a major problem for him and his wife to have to see her everyday.
that will solve the problem.
if its a big company they will move her t a different dptrmt and in all circumstances will make sure that they are not working together.
nor seeign each others at work and that will solve it for oyu and him.
He dont know how ot cope with his feeligns aklso cause he cant really talk to you abotu how he feels for that woman given that you are hsi wifeso thats a bit tricky..
you can maybe tell him to talk to you more and try other technics like going out to the sea to swim and walk in nature so that he get the feeligns out in a more natural way. Ground him.
He also need to see a psychotherapist.
That will give him keys ot deal with the immediate and in the long run it will be good too.
and it wil solve his alcohol problem. I think its more an emotional problem than an alcohol problem btw.
itsnot the alcohol he got to drop, but the weight he has in his heart. Then the bottle will fall on its own.

Good luck and i hope this was helpfull or could give oyu soem hinch.


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