# Am I crazy?



## BKMOMOF2 (Dec 4, 2015)

Hello and thanks for reading.

Here goes,,,,my husband and I have been together since high school and married for 10 yrs, both in our mid-thirties, and we have 2 beautiful kids. We've had our ups & downs just like everyone else but for the most part things are great.

So, what's the problem you ask....he seems to think it's absolutely fine to meet people (specifically women) exchange contact information and them once I hear of it,,all of a sudden they are his "friends". Now, I on the other hand find no need to have male "friends" because I know he would not approve of it, plus I have no desire to entertain any other guy's life, etc. I am busy enough with my kids, my husband, family, church and work.

So he doesn't seem to get where I'm coming from and I'm trying my best not to go out and start meeting "friends" of my own. Basically, the way I feel is that these so called "friendships" can easily lead to EA's and PA's,,, so why even put yourself in that situation unless that's what you are hoping for.

Bottom line, you would think that after all our history together, he would know what's ok and what's not,,,but, he still seems clueless. I'm not sure how this is going to turn out for us. 

Again, thanks for listening and I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Hes very insecure, VERY...DUDE


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Play him at his own game and let us know how you get on.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Where's he meeting these women?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

No, this is not at all okay. If my wife were doing that we would have a very serious talk in which I would explain to her why this is a terrible idea and that she had to stop doing it!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Married men and women can not have close friendships of the opposite sex especially alone time (one on one)

Affairs can result. Happens way to often. People whom you'd never think would go there do.

If you put yourself in a vulnerable position something might not happen but if you don't it can't.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I agree about your concerns that this could lead towards an affair in some manner. It is playing with fire, no doubt.

Simply put, he enjoys the attention he is getting from females. Whether his intentions are more devious it is hard to say, but IMO it comes across as unacceptable, especially if you have voiced that you are not OK with. 

It wasn't clear, is he actually meeting with these people, and if so, under what circumstances?

Also, are there any issues in your marriage that maybe he feels like he is not getting enough attention from you or has he verbalized this?


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## BKMOMOF2 (Dec 4, 2015)

No he's not actually out meeting with the women (at least not to my knowledge). But he is a 1st responder and meets people everyday....I'm just beyond fed up with his actions. He's also never mentioned that he wasn't getting enough attention at home so, I'm not sure what his issue is.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

how are you finding out about the OSF's(opposite sex friends)?
is he telling you when he meets them? or you're finding out about them because they feature in his regular conversations? Or are you discovering them, and then he tells you?

where is he meeting them originally? are they work friends? gym friends?

the level of secrecy with the OSF's is important.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

If you want to get back at him and really make him jealous, send him a picture of my avatar and tell him this is your new friend you met online :wink2:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Is he a people pleaser? As a first responder he may think he is giving these women a sense of caring about them. Since does one meeting constitute being a friend? What would he do if these women started calling him at work? That might get him in trouble with his boss.

He needs to step back and evaluate why he is doing this and what he hopes to get out of it.

Men only have female friends for 1 reason - they hope to get in their pants one day.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I have had female friends for the past twenty years, never slept with them and never will. The idea that a man and woman cannot be friends is absurd. Most can not, that is true but some of us can. My friendships have been open and transparent since day one I met my wife and we are all friends now.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

richie33 said:


> I have had female friends for the past twenty years, never slept with them and never will. The idea that a man and woman cannot be friends is absurd. Most can not, that is true but some of us can. My friendships have been open and transparent since day one I met my wife and we are all friends now.


Would it make a difference when you met the opposite sex friends? For example, going into a relationship when you already have opposite sex friends could be viewed entirely different than if you have been in a relationship with someone for a while and now suddenly you start acquiring opposite sex friends (sounds more the case of the OP)


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Would it make a difference when you met the opposite sex friends? For example, going into a relationship when you already have opposite sex friends could be viewed entirely different than if you have been in a relationship with someone for a while and now suddenly you start acquiring opposite sex friends (sounds more the case of the OP)


What the OP is describing seems very shady by her husband. He sounds very immature to be honest. I was responding more to the " men only want 1 thing" comment, that sounds pretty sexist to me. 
I cannot foresee a time now where I can start a new friendship with someone of the opposite sex but if it were to happen my wife would be included with that friendship 100%.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The problem is you are trying to convince him of your point of view. I suspect he's not as clueless as he claims to be but that is beside the point.
A person who is married should take the needs and concerns of their spouse very seriously. What if you did not see what the big deal of sex was and acted clueless as to why he cared? Is he supposed to just accept that?

Basically you have a bad husband becuase he does not want to take your concern which speaks to your feeling of security in the marriage seriously. 
He should know that he will never get 100% of your soul if he cannot make you feel safe.

And no, you are not crazy.


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## breathedeep (Nov 8, 2015)

You aren't crazy.

I am not saying it is not possible for a man and a woman who aren't married to meet on a regular basis and stay 'just friends', but it is unlikely.

I regularly have to meet with people due to my job and of course sometimes I meet with women. I do try to cut down on the one-on-one time I have with a woman even for business purposes, but when its unavoidable, I let my wife know in advance who I am meeting with and where we will be meeting. I have never met with a woman for business and 'forgotten' to let my wife know in advance.

The problem I see in your situation is that your husband is keeping these meetings a secret.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Your husband is playing a dangerous game. There's no reason for a married man to be out making new women friends, if he's that darn friendly how often is he making new guy friends? What he's doing is pretending he's single and hitting on women, I would bet money he has been involved in some hanky panky.

This behavior can only end badly for your marriage, so no, you are not crazy.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

You don't have to ask as you know what it's doing.That's unfortunate I'm sure he's got wonderful kids a beautiful life beautiful life, and yet we always seem to look if the grass is greeneror or call it not being content with what you have. When people are like that that means they are selfish and self-centered they're certainly not thinking of other people and it's all about them. You have to do whatever you got to do to let him know that's not OK in your marriage that's not acceptable if he doesn't like it there's the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"I was responding more to the " men only want 1 thing" comment, that sounds pretty sexist to me"

You got me. I'm totally sexist. There, do you feel better now?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm of the firm belief.. when you are married.. any opposite sex friends immediately become friends of BOTH of you.. recognizing your union.. if this is a problem in any way.. they need to go...

We're not to get off alone with opposite sex friends.. if there is any attraction.. oh the slippery slope - add a little dopamine & some unmet needs in the marriage.. it's like setting something on fire.. 

I haven't personally experienced it.. but we see it all the time...it's very unfortunate, and destroys many families. 

Not crazy.. you & he need to come together.. have a heart to heart...seek what he's missing / craving... and revive the fires at home.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> "I was responding more to the " men only want 1 thing" comment, that sounds pretty sexist to me"
> 
> You got me. I'm totally sexist. There, do you feel better now?


First step of recovery is to admit you have a problem. Good for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

richie33 said:


> First step of recovery is to admit you have a problem. Good for you.


What advice did you offer the OP? Nothing. It's as if you prowl threads in the hopes of finding a statement that might offend you or one which will allow you to point out just how special you are.

With all the women-hating men on this site, have you pointed out to them that they are sexist?

I am not sexist in the least. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you had bothered to put the statement in context, you wouldn't have had the need to post an ugly accusation. But, that's what you're here for.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> What advice did you offer the OP? Nothing. It's as if you prowl threads in the hopes of finding a statement that might offend you or one which will allow you to point out just how special you are.
> 
> With all the women-hating men on this site, have you pointed out to them that they are sexist?
> 
> I am not sexist in the least. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you had bothered to put the statement in context, you wouldn't have had the need to post an ugly accusation. But, that's what you're here for.


Putting that mirror up to yourself touched a nerve I see.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

The answer is simply: no, you're not crazy. The time he spends with new female friends should be spent with you and your family. If he continues in this path of acquiring new female friends, he would get into a relationship sooner or later. Put a stop to this before a problem comes up. 

Demand total transparency and set your boundaries. Be ready to enforce that boundary. He may be incline to cross that boundary and you would know what type of a husband you have. You are concern about his behavior; otherwise, you would not post here.

Sorry you are here.


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