# Afraid of Menopause - Can Anyone Ease My Fears?



## endlessgrief

I am 44 and women in my family typically go through the "change" early on. This seems like a subject women don't discuss very often so all I know is HOT FLASHES. But what does that mean? Can any of you explain what a hot flash is, how long it lasts and what you did to ease it?

Are there any other menopause surprises I should know about. Most sites on this subject are very clinical and I think it is better to ask real women what they went through so I know what to expect.

Thanks in advance!


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## Stonewall

The symptoms of menopause are virtually the same for men and women. Yes there really is a thing called male menopause. I have been there as well as my wife. symptoms vary somewhat but generally include hot flashes, moodyness, depression, tiredness foggy mindedness, low energy level and loss of libido.

The good news is that HRT completely returned me to my normal self (if you can actually call me normal). It did my wife as well. Some people are spooky about HRT but it makes a huge huge quality of life difference.

Hot flashes means you are sitting in a normally controlled temp enviro and for no apparent reason you become sweaty hot as if you where out in the summer heat. It happens in a flash.


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## Enchantment

They say that the symptoms and when menopause starts are most likely to be similar to what your mother/aunts have had, so that can give you some indication of what it could be like for you.

I have not gone through menopause yet. I'm 47 and am in peri-menopause, which is the hormonal imbalance women experience in the years prior to menopause. My ob-gyn said most women go through 4 - 6 years of peri-menopause having symptoms such as irregular menstrual cycles, increased PMS symptoms, fluctuating libidoes, and night sweats. I have all of those...and I also had my thyroid and my gallbladder crash (two organs that are particularly sensitive to hormone changes) and ended up having to get uterine fibroids removed (most fibroids are present by the age of 40 and are there in about 50 - 75% of women but the estrogen dominance of perimenopause can cause them to grow and cause problems with pain and excessive bleeding in some, not all, women).

Normally women start to lose their progesterone first as ovulation starts to fluctuate - happening some months but not others (progesterone is made by the ovaries and released along with testosterone during ovulation.) Estrogen dominance usually prevails in most women then for some years - typically during their 40's. Some women have milder symptoms, some have severe, some it fluctuates between the two (I am a fluctuater).

Eventually, the estrogen starts to decline too, body fat is often redistributed to the mid-section as the body tries to hang onto as much estrogen as it can, you have more symptoms (good site for that is this: 34 Menopause Symptoms - Learn all about each menopausal symptom) and when all hormones decline to a low enough level, menstrual cycles will stop. Menopause happens on the last period of your life. You are considered post-menopausal if you haven't had a period for at least a year. If you have a period at any point during that year (like 10 or 11 months in), the clock starts again and you won't be considered post-menopausal until a year goes by again. For some women that part can be aggravating - having periods stop and then start back up - the irregularity of them can be a pain in the rear.

I have found that education is really important. I had no idea what was going on with me. It's best to be prepared in understanding. You can also help alleviate the severity of symptoms if you take care of yourself - getting adequate sleep, good nutrition, high-quality vitamin supplements, exercise, decrease stress.

Lots of good books out there on menopause and perimenopause to read. I've liked the Dr. John Lee "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Perimenopause" and "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Menopause" books.

I think that you will likely notice some perimenopausal symptoms before you get into full-fledged hot flashes - like I've had about 3 years of night sweats now. I have them sporadically - not every night. I wake up and will have a pool of sweat in the middle of my chest or sometimes my whole head will be soaking wet. I keep a small towel on my side table to mop up with and throw the covers off. We keep our bedroom at a cool temp and my H just has extra blankets.  The other annoying thing that I get a lot is heart palpitations - particularly since my thyroid is slowly fizzling out at the same time. Hormonal fluctuations, whether caused by thyroid imbalance in men or women, estrogen/progesterone/testoerone imbalance in women, or testosterine imbalance in men all can cause the same nifty set of symptoms and can be vague but annoying things like lethargy/fatigue, dizziness/vertigo, fuzzy-headedness/feeling like you can't think clearly... I have all of those to some degree ... sometimes they are much better than others.

Ironically, my H was diagnosed with low T last year and what prompted me to nag him to go to the doctor was some of those vague symptoms that I have with my hormonal imbalance problems. I saw the same kinds of things in him. I wish it was as easy for me as it has been for him - he just gets a shot every 10 days. 

I've started to have a few hot flashes - like maybe a handful so far in the last year ... sometimes they can be precipitated by just being hot - drinking something hot or getting overheated, sometimes they just happen. The first one I remember was at work and I got slightly panicked - even my palms felt hot. It started out as kind of a hot flushed feeling in my chest and my head and I got a bit dizzy. I finally figured out what they were and so far they have not yet been bad - I don't have them daily. I don't even have them every month. When I've had them I go get some ice and hold them in my hands and put that against my face.  The first one I had in a meeting at work and I thought I was having a panic attack... but now I just always carry a small cup of ice to meetings and have it at my desk. Maybe it works just having it there ... ha ha... I've not had a lot of them yet.

I will admit I'm kinda afraid of the changes too, but it does help to go in to it with a more positive attitude. Some women get relief with HRT, but most docs will not prescribe that for very long anymore and will only prescribe at the lowest dose. Since I have some other pre-existing conditions I'm not a good candidate for HRT so will have to manage it on my own.

Some women get benefit from bio-identical hormones. We don't have any docs around where I live that will prescribe these and they typically aren't covered by insurance ... they haven't been clinically tested and validated as to their efficacy and safety over the long term. When I talked with my doc about these, she said for her the jury is out on them and she isn't convinced that it's a good thing for women to be treated at hormonal levels that will induce ovulation and periods again well past the typical menopausal age of 51.

She, however, is not against prescribing creams and suppositories to help with issues that women often encounter post menopause with vaginal dryness and atrophy. That made me happy - as I'm worried about the 'goods' wearing out. 

Arm yourself with some education and a good attitude about it and just live each day the best you can ... and you'll do fine.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

I am almost 52 and a late menopauser (not a word).

I am in the early stages of peri-menopause, not actually having moved into menopause yet - I'm still having monthly cycles, right on cue, but some of the other uncomfortable side effects.

My hot flashes involve feeling very warm and I have a redish type flush on my chest and my entire face turns red.

I am also having periodic night sweats where I wake up drenched in sweat with my pj's soaked also. This happens usually about a week before my cycle so they are interrelated with the peri-menopause somewhat.

I have not experienced any dryness whatsoever - which happens to a lot of menopausal women.

One thing I have noticed is my "orgasms" are different. Still good, but different - not as intense as before and it takes a bit longer than it used to. 

The symptoms I am having are not causing me any real issues whatsoever, in fact, I wish it would just happen already so I'd be over it.

I'm getting tired of every doctor asking me if I still have monthly cycles and then when I say "YES", saying...and you're how old while they are flipping through my medical chart.

Yes, I'm late in the process, but hell I'm 51 not 91. If I turn 91 and I'm still having monthly cycles, then we need to be worried (or call Guiness)! HA


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## Mavash.

Two words. Hormone replacement.

I no longer fear menopause. I've got a team of people to help me through this now.


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## LovesHerMan

No longer having periods is worth every symptom that you will experience. It is a new phase of freedom in your life.


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## that_girl

They aren't hot flashes.

They are your personal tropical moments.

:rofl: 

Don't be scared. See your doc for assurance and options


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## heavensangel

that_girl said:


> They aren't hot flashes.
> 
> They are your personal tropical moments.


So would you say 'Marguerita's and/or Pina Colada's might be what the Dr. should order?" Love it!!!!!:lol::lol: 

I'm a couple months shy of 47 and am in the beginning stages of peri-menopause. Mother started menopause around 50ish so I'm thinking it's not too far off for me. At this point, cycle is sporadic (sometimes), occasionally super sensitive to things ie: cry at the drop of a hat, and I'm a little fuzzy minded (my H always told me the mind was the first thing to go Lol)...but other than that, pms symptoms are about the same: moodiness, cramping, bloating, etc., etc. 

Not afraid of menopause itself; I'm more afraid of what my Dr. might try to convince me to take to deal with it. I'm not a HUGE fan of prescribed meds. Honestly, I think it's a racket between the Drs and Pharmaceutical companies....every time you turn around you're given a new med to fight off the side effect of another one. Somehow this just doesn't sit well with me. Told my Dr. I want to let nature take its course.....no meds unless I absolutely have too. She seemed ok with it. We'll see. 

Thank you Enchantment for sharing that wealth of information with us!!


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## Chelle D

Yes, thank you Enchantment!.

I am too kind of scared of what will be happening to me.. How long I'll have to deal with it. I don't really want HRT, because of all the other meds i'm on.

I'm also 44. I had kind of unusual periods, but not really irregular. For about a year, I'd get one extremely heavy period, then the next month would be very light. - But still once a month. Even one of those times, I thought I skipped a month... But then remembered that I only spotted a couple days & didn't mark it down. (some times I spot a day or two before a huge heavy period.. I wasn't marking the spotting time down).

Fast forward a year... Now my flows are more even, lighter than my periods from my 30's... and shorter days. But they come closer together. I thought, well, if this is how it will be...( just everything starting to slowly taper off), I thought great! I can handle this.

But now... OMG.. I've had several bad hot flashes. I've had mild hot flashes too in that prior year, but mild & controllable. Just really feeling hot all the sudden. Needing a fan on at work. ask if everyone else is hot too, or just me? Etc. But now, when I get one, its very sudden, I don't want to be touched AT ALL. I want to rip my shirt off/open and put an icebag between my breasts. So far, they've been lasting about 30 mins to an hour.

I know I've got to get to a doc to talk about it.. Not sure if i should go to OB/GYN or to the regular doc. I get a company physical next month for work, so I figured I'd ask about it all then.

Oh, and the dryness... so frustrating. Gotta use lube EVERY time, even if he does a great job at "working me up" & getting me horny.. I still need it. If I don't, my skin pulls & rips & it ends up sore, swollen & tiny blood where the skin tore. And he feels bad b/c he thinks it means I wasn't turned on.


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## Enchantment

Chelle D said:


> Yes, thank you Enchantment!.
> 
> I am too kind of scared of what will be happening to me.. How long I'll have to deal with it. I don't really want HRT, because of all the other meds i'm on.
> 
> I'm also 44. I had kind of unusual periods, but not really irregular. For about a year, I'd get one extremely heavy period, then the next month would be very light. - But still once a month. Even one of those times, I thought I skipped a month... But then remembered that I only spotted a couple days & didn't mark it down. (some times I spot a day or two before a huge heavy period.. I wasn't marking the spotting time down).
> 
> Fast forward a year... Now my flows are more even, lighter than my periods from my 30's... and shorter days. But they come closer together. I thought, well, if this is how it will be...( just everything starting to slowly taper off), I thought great! I can handle this.
> 
> But now... OMG.. I've had several bad hot flashes. I've had mild hot flashes too in that prior year, but mild & controllable. Just really feeling hot all the sudden. Needing a fan on at work. ask if everyone else is hot too, or just me? Etc. But now, when I get one, its very sudden, I don't want to be touched AT ALL. I want to rip my shirt off/open and put an icebag between my breasts. So far, they've been lasting about 30 mins to an hour.
> 
> I know I've got to get to a doc to talk about it.. Not sure if i should go to OB/GYN or to the regular doc. I get a company physical next month for work, so I figured I'd ask about it all then.
> 
> Oh, and the dryness... so frustrating. Gotta use lube EVERY time, even if he does a great job at "working me up" & getting me horny.. I still need it. If I don't, my skin pulls & rips & it ends up sore, swollen & tiny blood where the skin tore. And he feels bad b/c he thinks it means I wasn't turned on.


Hi Chelle ~

Yep - sounds like the perimenopause roller-coaster. I would go to an ob-gyn - preferably one who is older and has gone through menopause. I've had the same ob-gyn for 25 years and she has been with me through it all - and she has gone through it all herself, so she knows what it's like. 

You sound the same as me, except I haven't had such bad hot flashes yet. I also have to use a lot of lube. I'm not so hot on getting hormones if I can help it (I have such awful problems with my thyroid that adding in other hormones is a complicated thing.) But, I am all for some of the vaginal hormonal suppositories that can be used (such as the Estring). You might also try increasing the vitamin E in your diet, and you can also insert a vitamin E capsule directly in to your vagina for extra lubrication.

I've been trying to get my husband more in the loop on what's going on - I kind of always had really regular periods with few problems at all, but since they are all over the board now (well actually I have no bleeding anymore because I had an endometrial ablation last November because I had excessive bleeding), I give him fair warning about what's going on (I still have cycles and PMS symptoms). At first, he wasn't so enthused and also worried when I had to use a lot of lube, etc. But, now he's pretty much on board. 

Here's a good book for husbands. It's not in print anymore, but you can still get copies of it. I think husbands need to learn about what their wives are going through every bit as much as their wives need to learn about it. If you can tackle the issues that arise together and with some amount of humor, it can help pull you closer together. 

Amazon.com: "No, It's Not Hot In Here" , A Husbands Guide to Menopause (9780965506731): **** Roth: Books

Best wishes.


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## CafeRed

Hi endlessgrief,

So sorry to hear of the frustration you’re feeling. I know heading into the unknown territories of menopause can be nerve-wracking, especially when you don’t feel that there is a lot of good information out there on this topic. When I was working for Focus on the Family, I came across a booklet that gives some helpful tips about what to expect during this transitional time. Maybe you will find it helpful, too.

Hang in there. Hope all goes well for you. God bless!


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## Hope1964

It's only in recent times and in Western cultures where menopause is seen as something negative. Traditionally, older women were revered for their age and wisdom, and menopause was all a part of that transition from child bearer to wise woman.

It's also only recently that women have experienced such severe physical symptoms, and my personal theory, for which I have no evidence whatsoever but Dr. Lee does mention it in his books, is that by subjecting our bodies to a lifetime of bombardment from all sorts of chemicals in everything we bathe in and breathe and eat, we are making things a lot worse for ourselves.

So my solution (I am in premenopause) is to live a clean and healthy life, to get lots of exercise, and to use natural progesterone cream to help alleviate the symptoms. I've been using the cream for about 3 weeks and am starting to notice a difference. I also refuse to believe that menopause is a bad thing. I try to embrace my aging body as much as I can, and celebrate my age rather than try to hide it with hair dye, wrinkle creams and plastic surgery.


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