# Finally coming to an end



## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

My original thread: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/43720-mixed-feelings.html

Well, my attorney called me last week and informed me that the much drawn out divorce is finally official. I haven't gotten the official notice yet but I know it's coming. My now XW called before my attorney called and wanted to know the status of the divorce. I asked her why it was so important to her now. Told her I couldn't care less what she's doing, I'm not watching her or paying attention to who she's seeing (or doing). I don't ask the kids what she's doing or what happens when they go to see her. I'm living my life going forward and so should she. The marriage is over. So why do you care when it's over. Her response, "because I'm trying to emotionally prepare myself to receive the notice in the mail. Everyday I'm scared to death to get my mail". And this response is exactly why I very rarely have any contact with her anymore. Infuriating.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

:smthumbup:

i read that thread, you definitely did the right thing here. 

You'll be surprised how much more vibrant life is without a constant storm cloud over your head.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

There's no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing. I'm much happier now, have a wonderful girlfriend, less stress in my life and I'm not constantly trying to figure out what she's doing. My kids seem to be happier too. Yeah, at times they don't like shuttling back and forth but.......... Soooo much better. It's just her occasional comments that still get to me (hence my lack of contact with her).


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Did she want to R again ? I though she was seeing her bf again.


And congrats on the divorce!!


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## Shocker (Jul 26, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> My original thread:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/43720-mixed-feelings.html
> 
> Well, my attorney called me last week and informed me that the much drawn out divorce is finally official. I haven't gotten the official notice yet but I know it's coming. My now XW called before my attorney called and wanted to know the status of the divorce. I asked her why it was so important to her now. Told her I couldn't care less what she's doing, I'm not watching her or paying attention to who she's seeing (or doing). I don't ask the kids what she's doing or what happens when they go to see her. I'm living my life going forward and so should she. The marriage is over. So why do you care when it's over. Her response, "because I'm trying to emotionally prepare myself to receive the notice in the mail. Everyday I'm scared to death to get my mail". And this response is exactly why I very rarely have any contact with her anymore. Infuriating.


I wish I was where ur. It is so difficult to know that the person I though was my soulmate is the one I'll have to give up. Its tough the day you realize you just cannot get over the affair.

I thought I was tough, positive, untouchable. Wrong.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You are going to be so much better off without the emotional turmoil she and her ongoing lies about her affair dragging you down.

You no longer have to take her calls, worry if she's mad or not, and short you are free.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Did she want to R again ? I though she was seeing her bf again.
> 
> 
> And congrats on the divorce!!


She never came out and said it but yeah, she did. I couldn't do it though because she expected me to do all the wooing. To this day she feels like "I" caused her to have an affair, that if I had given her everything she needed that she wouldn't have gone astray. I can't live with that and refuse to be blamed for it. She knows that I can't get past her affair which is why she hasn't brought it up again.

Yes, she's seeing her bf again. The minute I told her I couldn't reconcile, she hustled over to his house. She cancelled plans with the kids last weekend because he was in the hospital. Such a good mother.............


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You are going to be so much better off without the emotional turmoil she and her ongoing lies about her affair dragging you down.
> 
> You no longer have to take her calls, worry if she's mad or not, and short you are free.


I normally don't take her calls. I just let it ring. I've told her so many times that she can email or text me but I wouldn't talk to her. Her answer, "I want to talk, not email or text". Well, tough s**t. I don't care what she wants. It's email, text or nothing.

Yes, her ongoing lies and omissions help drive the final nail. Funny, she always accused me of lying and it turns out that it was her..............


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Shocker said:


> I wish I was where ur. It is so difficult to know that the person I though was my soulmate is the one I'll have to give up. Its tough the day you realize you just cannot get over the affair.
> 
> I thought I was tough, positive, untouchable. Wrong.


It's not easy but you can get there. I've known my XW since I was 16. Dated in high school and college. I married someone else, divorced and got back together with her. Married to her for almost 20 years. I thought she and I had a bond that could not be broken. I took my vows seriously. She turned out to be someone that I don't know. It was very hard giving up on her and moving on but I had to for my own sake. If you have to make the same decision, you CAN do it. It's uncomfortable and stressful at first but in time you figure out how much better your life can be without all the drama.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

> She never came out and said it but yeah, she did. I couldn't do it though because she expected me to do all the wooing.


She dreads the mailman? :rofl:

No, she didn't want to R -- she wanted CAKE. Oh poor sausage! The divorce is going to be so emotionally draining for her. Prepare the fainting sofa! Get the smelling salts!

She's a pity vampire. That's what the call is about. Her lack of centrality in your life is distressing to her. She wants to go back to her Nirvanic state of cake eating. The Unified Theory of Cake


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

You are definitely doing the right thing, and I applaud you're courage in sticking to your guns and not having anything more to do with her. You'll be able to enjoy life again and be happy.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

chumplady said:


> She dreads the mailman? :rofl:
> 
> No, she didn't want to R -- she wanted CAKE. Oh poor sausage! The divorce is going to be so emotionally draining for her. Prepare the fainting sofa! Get the smelling salts!
> 
> She's a pity vampire. That's what the call is about. Her lack of centrality in your life is distressing to her. She wants to go back to her Nirvanic state of cake eating. The Unified Theory of Cake


I've actually figured her out in the past year. She loves being a "victim". Everything is done to her. She doesn't cause anything and she always wants someone to pity her. I've thought back over the years and nothing ever seems to be her fault but she always wants sympathy from those around her. I guess it doesn't work much for her these days though. She only has two sisters and one friend that tolerate her (other than the OM) and they may even be on to her.

Part of her problem with me over the past several years is that I've called her out on her crap. She got really fed up with me not giving her the "oh, poor sweet thing". I told her how I saw it and it caused a lot of arguments.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Sounds like you're better off without her. Need to change your name to CANdecide. Or Decided!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

What about your daugher? HOw is your relationship with her? Has she acceped/admited your wilfe had a BFF at that was the cause for the dicorce? HAs your daughter already ''accepted'' OM?


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> I've actually figured her out in the past year. She loves being a "victim". Everything is done to her. She doesn't cause anything and she always wants someone to pity her. I've thought back over the years and nothing ever seems to be her fault but she always wants sympathy from those around her. I guess it doesn't work much for her these days though. She only has two sisters and one friend that tolerate her (other than the OM) and they may even be on to her.
> 
> Part of her problem with me over the past several years is that I've called her out on her crap. She got really fed up with me not giving her the "oh, poor sweet thing". I told her how I saw it and it caused a lot of arguments.


Thats how my WW is she's always the victim and only her feelings matter. I understand you what you mean for i lived it.

Im happy for you that you are moving on, im heading the same direction towards freedom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Acabado said:


> What about your daugher? HOw is your relationship with her? Has she acceped/admited your wilfe had a BFF at that was the cause for the dicorce? HAs your daughter already ''accepted'' OM?


My relationship with my daughter is just fine. She will however defend my XW to the end. My XW lies to her constantly and my daughter tries her hardest to believe it all. I know she doesn't but she tries. My XW still insists to her that she and the OM were just friends, even though they are dating now. As a matter of fact my XW just lied to me and my kids this past week. OM was in the hospital Saturday due to gallstones. Well, last night XW went to go see him in the hospital. I thought it strange that he was still in the hospital. Turns out that he had an ulcer erupt, tore his stomach open and emptied the contents into the void. Now, why in the world does she need to lie to me and the kids about why he's in the hospital? Sheesh.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

cantdecide said:


> Now, why in the world does she need to lie to me and the kids about why he's in the hospital? Sheesh.


Maybe she doesn't want you guys to know that the shiny new Ferrari she bought is actually a clunker.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Maybe she doesn't want you guys to know that the shiny new Ferrari she bought is actually a clunker.


No kidding!! I'm fit and in good health. He..........had intestinal bypass surgery because he couldn't lose weight and now a ruptured ulcer. He's divorced and has a horrible relationship with his two daughters. She traded down.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Truth always has a way to come out. Don't worry. Smile.
Love your daughter. She's in a bad position. 
Children operate always at an amotional level, more than anybody else they can't admit themselves their parents "did so awfully wrong but they love them anyway". They always seek for "explanations" to mitigate the bad thoughts about their parents, specially if they are close to them.


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