# I Need Help.... How Can I Get My Husband To Leave



## UnHappy26

Hello, I have been with my husband for 8 years...... and we have 2 kids together.... 4 and 2.... Lately for the past year or so we have grown apart and we have not been getting along.... The place where we live right now is owned by my father and we are paying him rent til we pay off our house.... I have tried to talk to my husband about him leaving for a few weeks and see what happens.... im tired of the kids always hearing us argue and fight.... its not fair to them.... but he is being selfish and not wanting to go because he says he cant go a day without seeing his kids or tucking them in at nite, i exsplained to him that he will be able to see the kids when i work or on weekends, but like i said he is being serlfish and not going.... is there anyway i can get him out of my place so my kids and I can finally be happy?????? without paying allot, being as I am basically a stay home mom and only work 2 days a week if that.... i dont have allot to fork out to get him to leave and take a break.... HELP


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## Jay.E

Just let him to know that if he can't understand that a break is needed, he won't be able to tuck the kids in at all in the future. I am going through something, but my case is the opposite. He just has to be understanding to know that this is not permanent. Assure him, tell him that some time apart makes the heart grow fonder. If he can't be without his kids, then he will make the sacrafice to raise his little ones in the future.


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## HerToo

Have you tried marriage counseling? Do you want to?

If not, it takes only one to file for divorce.


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## PBear

Not sure I understand your logic. You're not happy, so he should leave... Where exactly would you like him to go for a few weeks? You can't rent an apartment easily for a few weeks. A hotel will be quite expensive, and as you've mentioned, money is an issue.

If you're not happy, it seems that you should be the one to leave, with or without the kids. You can ask him to leave, but he has just as much right to be there as you do. Of course, the question of how he'll handle child are might come up...

Perhaps you could brainstorm some options. Like, you two rent a small apartment, and take turns living there, with the other parent staying in the home. But it may come down to you being willing to enforce some unpleasant boundaries. It will be your call if you're willing to do that.

You may want to talk to a lawyer about your options as well. For example, can you terminate your lease with your father, move everyone out for just a few days, then YOU sign a lease with your father again without your husband. This isn't likely to improve your relationship with your husband, though.

What HAVE you done to try to fix things while you're both in the house? While counseling may be cheap and there's no guarantees it will work, it's probably cheaper than maintaining two households, and has a better success rate than just hoping the problems go away on their own.

C
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## tacoma

Your husband is obviously intelligent, he knows better than to leave.

If you have no leverage over him then you have no hope.
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## CH

How about you leave and come in on the weekends to see your kids only and see how you take it?

Not taking sides but it seems you're only looking at it from your end of it. How happy would you be if you can only see your kids on the weekends to tuck them in and say I love, give them hugs, etc....


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## Shaggy

How is it selfish of him not want to move out? He likely thinks you are using it as the first step in getting rid of him.

What will him moving out change or begin to fix ?

You can't work on fixing things if you can't talk together.

Have you consider MC or even a book on better communication?
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## calif_hope

Based on your post I think you are being a bit selfish......your dictating everything, your kids will be happy with their dad gone, you want to limit him to two days a week when you work.

Have you tried MC.......have you looked at yourself in what part you played in the current condition of you marriage.......

You two need a MC to help you two negotiate your separation if it has to happen otherwise it will make things worse and remember, negotiating an agreement means compromise - you cannot dictate. You may have to leave the house a couple of nights a week to accommodate your husband's wishes.

Good luck!
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## calif_hope

JayE so you are OK to deny the kids their father, giving him crumbs. She could leave or they can rotate custody of the house and the kids, why does she get to dictated this.

They need to negotiate a separation with a MC, if the separate just on her terms they may as well go straight to divorce.
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## UnHappy26

I appreciate everyones replys, but like i said my father bought me and my kids this place for us to live in so we can finally own something in the future and not be renting every year of our lives and not have nothing to show.... im lookin at it from my kids point of view.... the kids are hearing the fighting hearing the arguments and my 4 year old always asks why im so happy without daddy here and as soon as daddy comes home im upset and i cry.... my kids are relizing everything that is going on.... as far as my husband goes.... he doesnt do nothing with the kids while he is here, he sits on the couch and plays COD.... my husband throws things when we get into fights... Im not expecting him to go to a hotel or get another apartment, he can simply go stay with his parents (that live 6 miles away) and we can try to do counsiling and see how things go, he has told me in the past the only way he would go to a MC would be if i take him, (being he doesnt really want too, he sees he is a man he should be able to fix things himself)


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## UnHappy26

I can't go to my parents to stay or i would with my kids.... my mother has cancer and is doing chemo and my kids are not allowed around her while she is doing her treatments... Im not being selfish, when i want my kids to be happy.... when its just me and the kids at the house we play and laugh, when daddy comes home the house is quite bc they are scared to hear daddy yell....


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## CH

File for divorce and get out. It'll probably be a very ugly fight though from what you have posted.

Luckily the house is under your father's name so your husband can't touch that. I guess since it's your father's house he could technically kick out the renters, not too sure but you should consult a lawyer on how best to approach this then if you want out that badly.

BTW, he's gonna use your kids to make it seem like you're pushing for the D and you being the bad guy in all of this. But don't play that game with him.

You want him out, get a lawyer to go over your options. Good luck to you.


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## calif_hope

You and your husband need to get some help fast, sounds like you both have issues and that makes for a horrible marriage.
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## EleGirl

UnHappy26 said:


> im lookin at it from my kids point of view.... the kids are hearing the fighting hearing the arguments and my 4 year old always asks why im so happy without daddy here and as soon as daddy comes home im upset and i cry....


So why do you get upset and cry when their father is home? Can you tell us about that?


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## EleGirl

UnHappy26 said:


> I can't go to my parents to stay or i would with my kids.... my mother has cancer and is doing chemo and my kids are not allowed around her while she is doing her treatments... Im not being selfish, when i want my kids to be happy.... when its just me and the kids at the house we play and laugh, when daddy comes home the house is quite bc they are scared to hear daddy yell....


Legally you cannot remove your children from the family home without their father's permission. The children will have to stay in your family home, the one your husband also lives in.

You are using your children against their father. You are just as guilty as your husband for yelling and crying in front of the children. Then after you do that you are blaming him for making the children unhappy?

Are they scared to her you yell?


Does he just walk in the house yelling? What starts the yelling?


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## uphillbattle

UnHappy26 said:


> Hello, I have been with my husband for 8 years...... and we have 2 kids together.... 4 and 2.... Lately for the past year or so we have grown apart and we have not been getting along.... The place where we live right now is owned by my father and we are paying him rent til we pay off our house.... I have tried to talk to my husband about him leaving for a few weeks and see what happens.... im tired of the kids always hearing us argue and fight.... its not fair to them.... but he is being selfish and not wanting to go because he says he cant go a day without seeing his kids or tucking them in at nite, i exsplained to him that he will be able to see the kids when i work or on weekends, but like i said he is being serlfish and not going.... is there anyway i can get him out of my place so my kids and I can finally be happy?????? without paying allot, being as I am basically a stay home mom and only work 2 days a week if that.... i dont have allot to fork out to get him to leave and take a break.... HELP


Why the hell should he have to leave and why should the kids default to you? If you have a problem then YOU leave.


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## Red_Dolphin

EleGirl said:


> Legally you cannot remove your children from the family home without their father's permission. The children will have to stay in your family home, the one your husband also lives in.


Depends on where she lives.


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## Cestmoi

UnHappy26 said:


> Lately for the past year or so we have grown apart and we have not been getting along.... The place where we live right now is owned by my father and we are paying him rent til we pay off our house.
> 
> im tired of the kids always hearing us argue and fight.... its not fair to them.... but he is being selfish and not wanting to go because he says he cant go a day without seeing his kids or tucking them in at nite... anyway i can get him out of my place so my kids and I can finally be happy?????? without paying allot, being as I am basically a stay home mom and only work 2 days a week if that.... i dont have allot to fork out to get him.... HELP


Figure out what you are fighting about and start working on that, go for MC and start working more days per week to get the money to pay for MC. NO fighting in front of the children, it makes them insecure. It takes TWO to fight and unlucky for him he raises his voice and of course they will be afraid of him. (You are, with your attitude making him the bad guy(and in your mind making a gang with your children against him), but you are yourself contributing to the fighting)You are using the words:'my house' and implicate that your dad bought it for YOU and your children and you do not include your H in this. Your H is actually WORKING to pay off your own house. To me, you sounds like the selfish one and your H probably a bit lazy. It sounds to me you are used to have your dad looking after you and you might be busting your H's [email protected] with your attitude. The only reason you want out is because you know your dad will look after you. He loves his children and to tuck them in. Do not deny him that. You have been fighting for ONLY one year. Get MC.
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## I Know

UnHappy26;547292 im lookin at it from my kids point of view.... [/QUOTE said:


> Where do women come up w/ this stuff? every selfish thing is always "for the kids, for the family". My sister in law quit her job "for the kids". Right. Men get called bums for this.
> 
> I don't know, Maybe unhappy IS thinking of the kids. But it always amazes me how effortlessly and fast women trot out the martyr card. Is there some school that you all go to where you learn these lines? "I'm doing it for the family".


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