# what should i do? please give me some piece of advice



## melanie83 (Feb 22, 2014)

Hi everyone! I am 30 and i have been married for 5 years, together for 8. We have a 3 yo boy. I have some many issues in my marriage that i don't know how to start. We are fighting a lot. We fight about money, about our son, about almost everything. We are both working full-time, but money is never enough because he gambles. He doesn' t want to be told he needs to stop. He has loaned money from the bank, from his parents. I can't afford to buy clothes for myself. We are struggling from month to month. 
He does not help around the house. I have to do it all. I even heat his every meal. I clean, i wash the dishes, i take out the garbage, i go to buy food. At the end of the day i cannot wait to go to sleep and finally get some rest. 
He does not initiate intimacy. I have to the one who goes to him and ask him to make love to me. If 2 days have passed and i don't go to him he gets angry, pick up fights...He wants oral. It has become a habit for him to refuse sex in favour a bj. 
He doesn not show me any sign of affection, zero.
When i try to discuss one of these issues with him he calls me names, spitts on me, pushes me. Once he left me with a swollen lip and some buises on my arm. That is the worse damage which he never considered abuse. He often tells me to get out of his house( actually it is his parents house). He has forced me to get out a couple of times together with our son. He used to call me back in tears. Now he doesn't bother telling me he is sorry. What hurts the most is that he isn't sorry. He acts as if he is doing me a favour by staying married to him. I am a bad wife, a bad mother, i do nothing wright..at least that is what he tells me almost every day. I suspected cheating, but i did not find any proof. He comes home from work, he never gets out because he doesn't have any friends.
I am lost, torn and don't know what to do. I feel like a doormat. Please, can you give some piece of advice? He seems not to love me anymore or he just wants me to obey, to have under his thumb.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

melanie83 said:


> Hi everyone! I am 30 and i have been married for 5 years, together for 8. We have a 3 yo boy. I have some many issues in my marriage that i don't know how to start. We are fighting a lot. We fight about money, about our son, about almost everything. We are both working full-time, but money is never enough because he gambles. He doesn' t want to be told he needs to stop. He has loaned money from the bank, from his parents. I can't afford to buy clothes for myself. We are struggling from month to month.
> He does not help around the house. I have to do it all. I even heat his every meal. I clean, i wash the dishes, i take out the garbage, i go to buy food. At the end of the day i cannot wait to go to sleep and finally get some rest.
> He does not initiate intimacy. I have to the one who goes to him and ask him to make love to me. If 2 days have passed and i don't go to him he gets angry, pick up fights...He wants oral. It has become a habit for him to refuse sex in favour a bj.
> He doesn not show me any sign of affection, zero.
> ...


He's selfish. You can't change that. Dump him. Women like you are in demand.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Sorry you are here, Melanie.

It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with an addict. Of course, you're living it, so I don't need to tell you that.

Physical abuse is never acceptable. 

The question is: Why are you tolerating a relationship like this?


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## KeepLookingUp (Feb 6, 2014)

Any man who treats his wife like this should be let go. You deserve better than this and he needs to stop abusing you, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially...the list goes on. Have some self respect and walk away. It may not be easy, but for the safety of yourself and your boy it's the right thing to do.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Have you talked to your father?

I have daughters that are married. If their husbands treated them this way, I would help them get a divorce.

Is there any place you can go? To a friend's house, a relatives house?

Before you go, you should speak to an attorney, but do not stay with someone that hurts you. You are better than this. 

His gambling and his abuse, this is no way to live.

Get out with your son as soon as you can. Try separating your finances. Good luck.


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