# When do you know?



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

So when do you know that your marriage is over and there is no point of return or reconciliation? 
I am sure it is different for everyone but there has to be a point that you think "this is it"... right?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Can only speak for myself. I *KNEW* the time had come when:

1.) I refused to accept this as my life any more. He had made many mistakes and *I* had made many mistakes. There was no more 'blame' attached. He was at fault, but I was also ready to *own* my own faults. I could see both his good and bad points. 

AND

2.) I was no longer angry at my husband. The things he did/didn't do no longer annoyed me because in my own mind/heart, I had moved on (not to another guy, just to another place in my life). I don't love him and I don't hate him.

The first one, was not difficult. The second one, took YEARS.


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## cascade5822 (Apr 21, 2012)

I would have to agree with this previous post. Although I am only coming to this realization recently, I will tell you how I have finally figured out that I was done...

First of all... I have spent years and years asking my hussband to change the same things.. and he has not done that. Now.. I don't want him to change, because I don't care anymore.

second.. I see a different future for myself and it's a happy one that does nto include him.

I feel for the first time in a really long time that I have myself back. That there is nothing he can do anymore that is going to hurt me. Because I frankly do not care. I am not angry anymore I am just done....

When he would spend nearly every night of the week in his "mancave" watching hockey, drinking beer, playing video games, hanging with his friends, I used to get so mad. I would fight with him about more family time and less social time. He would get so mad. Now I hope he hangs out in the mancave and leaves us alone. I am not mad about it anymore.. actually I am mad if he wants to be in here. He had his chance to change.. More chances then he deserved, but he didn't and I am done.

Now I just have to work towards finding my way out. I know its going to be hard cuz we have 2 kids. But in the end it will be the best. I hope this helps!


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## globug1025 (Apr 22, 2012)

I completely agree with the two previous replies to your thread. When the anger is gone, then you will know. It took me years to get over the anger. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to put it all together and be done once and for all.


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## rfAlaska (Jul 28, 2011)

Ambivalence. Even when you're angry, you feel SOMETHING. When you feel NOTHING, it's over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

omg! me too! I no longer have feelings towards anything he does, not angry, not sad, not happy, not anything....before i would cry endlessly for the thigns he did cus i loved him, i was hurt cus he didn't respect me and went out with friends to party, etc. etc. now, i really don't care and I concentrate on positive things with my son. I don't wish him wrong at all, I see him more like a friend =) that's it...so I drew my line too and i'm moving on =)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You know it when you don't care to try enough anymore or when one person wants out (most divorces are not mutual).


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