# looking for that moment...



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. How did you manage to get those feelings to go away??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Time.

Really, you cannot make them go away. The harder you try, the worse you'll feel. Just go on remaking yourself a life as full and satisfying as possible -- one day you'll wake up and realize you haven't thought about him for a week. One day, much later, you'll hear one of those songs that used to make you cry, and you'll shrug.

Time. Alas, that's my only answer.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

MA, it's been 2 months of separation and 3 months of no physical contact, I too have accepted that I cannot change the situation either. The last week has been rough more than smooth basically because I'm remembering all the finer moments in our love life etc. All the times we had an argument and made up etc .. it's just so much easier to remember the good parts than the ones that lead you here.

Distance and time.. the only 2 things I really know will help eventually. Hope your day gets a better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I agree. You have to give it time and go NC. Little by little the memories will fade. You will remember him once a week, once a month, and so on. Time is your friend in this matter.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Agree with the others time....


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Time.

Feels like a slow leak of love, affection and emotion. Emptying out the past to make room for someone new in the future.

Unlike my ex, I have not found a love switch that I can turn off.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. How did you manage to get those feelings to go away??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another thing that is really important is you have to finally want to let the feelings and memories go. Too often, we, myself included, tend to hold on because we want to, and until that want goes away, the feelings and memories will stay.


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## kruppmart (May 10, 2012)

MyselfAgain said:


> How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have those moments too .... now 6 weeks with zero contact. I push the thoughts away by putting the bad things in my head ... works instantly.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Agree with the others: time and distance.

Been over a year now, seen him once (DS's wedding last fall).

"Outta sight, outta mind, almost outta heart (mine).


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

kruppmart said:


> I have those moments too .... now 6 weeks with zero contact. I push the thoughts away by putting the bad things in my head ... works instantly.


That's a strategy my counselor recommended. Make a list of why you should not be back together. When times get rough, pull up the mental list. Makes a difference.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

MyselfAgain said:


> Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not silly at all. I'm 6 months in and while I've made progress, I wish I was able to completely let go. It's a process.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Also, myself, please make the word "should" a big red flag in your mind.

There is no should, there is no universal time table for this.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I did that Canguy. It works. I typed up mine 2 days ago after the last argument.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

MyselfAgain said:


> Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm 11 months separated and I'm still asking the same question. Just today I to cry because its still so sad to me. My problem is that he's still very involved in our lives....so much so that after I had the aforementioned cry he showed up and took us out to dinner. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't have gone, but heck, it was a free meal! I've definitely seem improvement in myself over the last months, but I've wallowed for far too long. I have to find a way to let go and move on. I keep thinking that once the divorce is final I'll finally have to move on. Right now I'm so tired and emotionally drained that I think I've given up on myself.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

MyselfAgain, also keep in mind there will be setbacks. Six months in I still have rough times. Tonight I felt like sending my ex a FB message asking her to come home. Of course, I didn't, but in April I felt so strong. Still making progress in May, but it's much slower. So yeah... it definitely takes time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

canguy66 said:


> MyselfAgain, also keep in mind there will be setbacks. Six months in I still have rough times. Tonight I felt like sending my ex a FB message asking her to come home. Of course, I didn't, but in April I felt so strong. Still making progress in May, but it's much slower. So yeah... it definitely takes time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry you are struggling too, but thank you for validating my feelings. I have seen so many positive postings from you lately, I have actually felt jealous of your progress. I'm glad to have people like you to set the right example. xoxo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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