# How much time is needed?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I left our home 7 weeks ago. He was addicted to sedatives and was verbally and emotionally abusive. He has now gotten off the meds, except for one at bedtime. Before I left he yelled at me constantly that I was just waiting for him to die, and that I would be happy when he was dead. He also would run me down behind my back to our son, who is 20. He claims he has seen the light and will never repeat these behaviors. How long should a person wait to ensure that a person has changed? He had a PA that ended 3 years ago that lasted 3 years. That and the verbal abuse drove me over the edge and I left.


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Phew, I don't think there is any magic timeline. However, I do think I read somewhere that it takes a certain amount of time for new changes to become habit and then there's more chance of it sticking. I can't remember the exact time now, though, so I hope someone else chimes in that has read that (pretty sure I saw it here). Mostly, the person's actions should align with the words they say. I think you will know if there is true change so after that, it's going to take time to make sure it's for good. I would say take as much time as you need to know it's real. Also know that he might make mistakes along the way so watch how he bounces back from those since that will be key as well. If he gets right back on the horse and sticks with changes or if he goes back to old ways quickly upon slipping up. In a past situation, it took me probably a good 6 months before I felt sure the person had truly changed. Even then, there were times where old habits would resurface, but they were put to rest right away and that's how I knew the changes were real and not just for my benefit. Hope that helps some!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

6 months to a year.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Thanks. I do feel it is too early, though I sorely miss my house and hate being a part time mom. But these aren't good reasons to be married to someone.


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