# No longer just thinking about it....



## AlwaysThinkingMaybe (Jan 31, 2011)

Well almost 2 months ago, I found this forum and posted this introduction:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...-indecisive-about-hubby-need-some-advice.html

Today, I am moving to this forum, since H and I have begun discussions on formalizing a written separation agreement.

It really hadn't been my plan for things to happen so quickly and each day, I'm a bit overwhelmed by just how strong I'm managing to be, how much needs to be done, and each hour and day where H and I can be civil about this rather than arguing is a blessing to my sanity.

The one thing that has not happened once since the D word came up is second guessing myself. Am I making the right decision? Am I not giving this enough of a chance? Etc.

My resolution that this is what I need right now is so solid, despite H's many many attempts to pursuade me that we could work things out. I can't quite get past the little bit too late syndrome. I can't quite get past the sense that as much as he believes in Us, somehow I just stopped.

We're breaking the new to the kids this weekend, and if things go well, I may be out and in a new house within 30 days. 

I'd love any advice on how to handle our discussion with the kids.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Saw your previous post when I first joined the forum and wanted to offer a "hang in there", and glad that it is beginning to look less like this looming black void before you.

Sounds from your posts that you already probably know my pimary advice for talking to the children, but I'll say it anyway. Be extra careful to get assurances from your husband that both of you will not make personal complaints about the other, and never use them as leverage. I think this is just as important when they are grown. They need to have a positive relationship with both. Do you think its possible to agree on a story line with the husband?

Second, even if you have some reason why this might be the best time for them to handle the divorce, I think you should avoid the topic completely. They don't need to know that they might've been the reason it was now instead of earlier.

My mother told me that she waited until I was finished high school to leave my step father. The guy treated her really bad. I would've rather that she just looked out for herself.


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