# Men and the thought of their wife cheating?



## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

I had a conversation with my husband last night after watching a movie where a women cheats on her husband. 

My husband said if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me because he wouldn't be able to take the fact some other guy has been in me, and heard my intimate moans, he said it would haunt him for the rest of his life 

Anyway I asked him what if it was with a women (not that I am thinking too) he said a women would not bother him as much as a man :-S

I thought about it and in all truth I would be very upset if he cheated on me ... especially if I knew he went down on another women and it was passionate. However if he had sex with a guy I would be more Confused then hurt.

Just wanted to know whether we are strange for feeling like this or what others think?

Don't worry we have been happily married for 11 years and I would not even dream of it


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening ladysweet
Discovering that my wife was cheating would not bother me that much. I would be somewhat unhappy that I wasn't meeting her needs, but I would not be furious or terribly upset. 

I wouldn't object at all if it was with another woman - I think just because the image is too enticing for it to be upsetting.

I don't want an open relationship, and cheating isn't "OK", but it is by no means the end of the world.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I would be hurt and it more than likely end the marriage. Kill..no, thats ridiculous. If it was a woman I would feel the same hurt. I would question our whole relationship.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

IMO, cheating is cheating and if my wife would cheat with either a man or woman, it's still cheating and that means she's out the door, no questions, no explanations, no excuses. I just want to see the southbound part of her heading northbound.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

It would be a dealbreaker.


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## SunnyWife (Aug 6, 2014)

My Hubby has pretty much said the same to me, oddly enough, also after watching a movie with said topic. And, yup, also said that women with women is pretty hot and would not bother him nearly as much. THAT I have a hard time wrapping my head around since to me that would still be cheating, but hey, it seems that he's not the only guy expressing this!  Must be a guy thing.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The hurtful part of cheating for me would only be about lies, deception, and betrayal. Cheating would be the end of the relationship.

Sex would not be a problem. We have been swingers and have seen each other with other people.

An emotional connection would not be a problem. We are polyamorous by nature and have been in poly relationships where we've also loved others.

But hiding such things from each other would definitely be a problem, because it would mean intentional dishonesty about situations we would normally just discuss and agree on.


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

Oh gosh I could not imagine swingers and things that would bloody hurt me big time..... as for killing me I don't think he meant it its just an expression I would even say I'll kill you... but I know if it happened he'd be out the door.


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

I'm so glad he ain't the only one.... I just guess it an ego thing. .. and men don't compare there egos with women


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

ladysweet said:


> I'm so glad he ain't the only one.... I just guess it an ego thing. .. and men don't compare there egos with women


As you have seen from the posts, some people will be just as hurt and angry regardless of the gender of the cheating sex partner.

On the other hand, I would speculate that those that DON'T feel as bad if their spouse cheated with a same-sex partner have the different reaction because they see it as less of a rejection of them for a better man/woman. I think there's less of a feeling of being bested as a mate. 

Then, again, I don't want to speak for other people. Anyone care to extrapolate?


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I could not deal with my wife being with another man for the same reasons your husband mentioned. Once someone else had been inside her I would probably be done with her. If she cheated with another woman I would be hurt, but it would be different. while i would be confused and it would cause me to totally reevaluate our marriage, i know that I could never give her what another woman could. I say this of course having never had to deal with infidelity in our marriage, so all I can say is what I think I would feel and do if it ever happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

It's basic biology. Men have evolved a fear of their partners being impregnated by other men. We see other men as threats.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

OP, that is a good question and one that I have found myself facing recently. After 23 years of marriage my wife decided it was time to go citing that I was miserable and she couldn't make me happy despite every effort on her part. She is now living at a friends house, we are to go to MC tomorrow. She only reluctantly agreed and said she doesn't think it will help. The thought of an affair has crossed my mind. 
Moving forward and thinking of MC circumstances have changed dramatically. At the present we are only separated. Although her consent was reluctant she still agreed to go counseling. So the question of rescuing our marriage is still to be answered - was this my wake up call, is really done, can we get back together? Who knows.
I know that she was unhappy as well. I think if anything our relationship got to this point because both of us participated in the marriage selflishly to our own individual detriment. Selfless actions on one side were taken as selfish acts by the other.. Our kids are gone and we are both in need of finding out who we are as individuals after spending years as parent and spouse.
I love my wife and truly only want her to be happy. I also know I was not happy. I don't think either of us can be happy until we find ourselves. So my dilemma is how is that possible if we attempt to establish boundaries on each others behavior? The path to discovery may entail opportunities that the other doesn't agree with. If either she or I are restricted by limits set by the other are we truly able to find out who we are? 
OTOH, dating others belies the effort at reconciliation. It kills me to consider the possibility that she may date others and have a physical and/or emotional relationship with others. Dealbreaker? My heart says yes, my mind says no if that makes any sense.
Sorry for the long post


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

I'd be pretty angry with my wife, although I can't say there would be violence - towards her...

But, if the other guy KNEW she was married... I could see a guy with two less thumbs in the future... maybe a lot less if he was an acquaintance of mine, because then "he should have known (WAY) better."


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Yes, agree with JCL. My ex went after a younger better looking and more successful bloke. That's a fact. She wasn't happy, he had the rating and he put it out there waiting for some sucker like my ex to take the bait. She did. Really, they were just doing what comes natural in that sense. He was on the totem pole, I was nowhere near it. Still, they're both liars and betrayers. No amount of biology excuses that.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm on board with your husband on this, if my wife physically cheated on me with another man, there is no recovering from it the marriage is over and I'd have to extract some sort of meaningful revenge to "even the score". I believe this "crime" needs to be paid for dearly. However, I don't know how I would react if she cheated on me with another woman ... I never thought about it. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it because I don't like competing for her attention. As far a violence goes ... I don't think I'd go down that road.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I think it's ridiculous that people might not consider the same sex as cheating because it turns them on. Or not as much as a threat.

Weird.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

I Think I can comment here based on experience.
2 years ago I came to TAM because I noticed my wife was "very close" to her female friend. This was so much so that following a major accident I was recovering at home with only my W to care for and she decides to take off for a over night with this friend leaving me to fend for myself laid up full of morphine in bed. This type of secret texting and stopping talking to the friend on the phone when i entered a room went on for months.

I couldnt conclusively prove an affir, Im certain some experimenting had taken place and Im certain taht my W's emotions were not in my marridge. 

Was she cheating - YEP! would I have cited the other woman - YEP! am I aware of keeping an cautionary eye on things - You Bet!
Does she know Im aware of her behaviour - certainly I told her I could see all the evidence of an EA.

Did she admit it - NOPE! But she would not deny it either just said, "I dont know what you want me to say". when ever the issue raised its head.

Cheating is cheating which ever way you look at it. Especially in my view when the vows of marridge have been broken.

Did I dind the thought of my W and her friend experimenting a turn on - NOPE I found it made my blood boil. 

There are some partners maybe that would like to see their other half "involved" with another. For me its simple, I dont.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ladysweet said:


> I had a conversation with my husband last night after watching a movie where a women cheats on her husband.
> 
> My husband said if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me because he wouldn't be able to take the fact some other guy has been in me, and heard my intimate moans, he said it would haunt him for the rest of his life
> 
> ...


A lot of that type of thinking in both sexes had to do with historical social constructs, real and perceived gender differences , and the roles and functions of both sexes within a marriage.

Perception is reality.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

My ex DID cheat on me and I did not want to 'end' her. I wanted to 'end' the relationship. Because I deserved better. Initially I did not, but I realized after the fact that was the ONLY right response. 

Same thing would happen again, whether or not my GF or future wife cheats on me with a man or a woman. It'd be over. Immediately. There are some lines that can't be crossed. 

She knows this so I feel that means if she does 'cheat' in the moment it will be driven further underground (you know, how cheats always excuse their behavior as they were drunk, blah, blah). That's the price we pay for being honest, I suppose. I am willing to compromise on a lot of things in the matter of relationship, but monogamy is not one of them. 

I was definitely one of those guys who thought marriage was a life long never-divorce option, but I've made it 100% clear if the options are to either cheat (like my ex did) or get divorced, pick divorce. Cheating is trying to have your cake and eat it too, and is not fair. 

And wouldn't care if its woman or man, IMHO.


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

I certainly wouldn't kill my wife - but our marriage would be over. The deceit and lies at that level are actually more of the deal breaker then the physical act for me. I don't trust lightly and once that trust is broken - its gone for good. I won't be married to a person I don't trust.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

I had a conversation with my husband about this the other day, and his response really surprised me. He said that if I cheated, he'd be done, period. No possible reconciliation. 

I think I was shocked in part because I'd stayed in my previous marriage for a long time while being cheated on, trying to work on things, trying to recover. And my current husband and I have SUCH a good marriage, it really surprised me that he wouldn't fight for it if something happened along those lines.

I said, "You wouldn't take me back if I was truly repentant?" He said no. That the part of "us" that means the most to him - our intense loyalty to each other - would be gone, and he'd prefer to walk away rather than linger in a marriage where that was missing or in question.

By the way, my husband is one of the few guys who *isn't* turned on by thinking of me with another woman. So he wouldn't distinguish between cheating with a guy and cheating with a girl. Any cheating would end our marriage.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Faeleaf said:


> I had a conversation with my husband about this the other day, and his response really surprised me. He said that if I cheated, he'd be done, period. No possible reconciliation.
> 
> I think I was shocked in part because I'd stayed in my previous marriage for a long time while being cheated on, trying to work on things, trying to recover. And my current husband and I have SUCH a good marriage, it really surprised me that he wouldn't fight for it if something happened along those lines.
> 
> ...


Makes complete sense to me.


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

Some of this could be down to if the person has ever been with anyone else, I've never been with anyone sexually other than my husband and he's never been with anyone either. Personally I think this has a big impact when it comes to imagining your other with someone else.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ladysweet said:


> I had a conversation with my husband last night after watching a movie where a women cheats on her husband.
> 
> My husband said if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me because he wouldn't be able to take the fact some other guy has been in me, and heard my intimate moans, he said it would haunt him for the rest of his life


 Me and my H has had conversations like this.. on both ends.. it would destroy him.... he said he'd never look upon ME the same way, something that we had -just the 2 of us would forever be lost...

He would not be violent though. .. If it was a situation where emotional/ physical needs were not being met (rejection, coldness, resentment walls, not talking....which would never come from his end anyhow).. he is the type that would look at all sides and take this into consideration/ his hand in it... still would destroy him but he'd find more understanding of how it could have happened..

Me and him think almost identical on this. 



> Anyway I asked him what if it was with a women (not that I am thinking too) he said a women would not bother him as much as a man :-S
> 
> I thought about it and in all truth I would be very upset if he cheated on me ... especially if I knew he went down on another women and it was passionate. However if he had sex with a guy I would be more Confused then hurt.
> 
> ...


On this we think the same too.. he is repulsed with the thought of being with a man...and I am repulsed by the thought of being with a woman.. so if THAT ever happened, he'd think I had a brain injury or something..


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

It's a strange thing Ladysweet, but it's true. The image of another man putting his penis inside his wife, imagining her having an orgasm and him ejaculating inside her is something that a great many man simply can't deal with. It is taken as proof that the wife sees her AP as sexually superior, more satisfying and simply put, a better man in the way that really counts (according to men). It destroys masculine self-esteem. Why is lesbian sex seen so differently? Because it's not viewed as real sex. Real sex is a woman giving herself to a man and letting him put his seed in her. Old attitudes do not die that easily.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Discovering that my wife was cheating *would not bother me that much.* I would be somewhat unhappy that I wasn't meeting her needs, but *I would not be furious or terribly upset.*


richard... did I read this correctly?!

It would not bother you much, and you would not be that upset if your wife was cheating?

I'm having trouble digesting this... :scratchhead:


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

Yeh I totally agree ..... old attitudes never die. 

Personally I've looked at this from a different view and I know if my husband spent a nights out with a male friend just as friends I would be able to sleep in peace, but if he spent nights out with a female friend I would possibly loose allot of sleep.

Both me and my husband are 100% straight so just like Simply amorous said, if it did happen he would think it's as a result of brain injury and be very confused.

Also when I say he would kill me I do not mean he would literally kill me it's just a passionate phrase, I guess if my husband didn't feel this way I would question if he loves me enough. 

Ah well I'm just so hope nothing like this ever happens, and I give priority to sex and food above all, and that keeps him very happy that hopefully he'll be a one man woman and vice verse forever!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> It would not bother you much, and you would not be that upset if your wife was cheating?
> 
> I'm having trouble digesting this... :scratchhead:


Let me tell my experience about this. My ex had an EA (possibly a PA) with a guy she worked with. At the time this happened, we were already discussing divorce so I didn't really care - I'd be rid of her soon anyway, and it wasn't worth getting upset over. Besides, she was bipolar and in the process of changing her meds at that time, so wasn't entirely in control of her actions and certainly not in control of her emotions - to the point of repeated hospitalizations. Anyway, once she was stable on her new meds, I continued with the divorce. Her cheating really was a non-issue for me given the overall circumstances, and hasn't bothered me since.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

"Hey Joe"--Jimi Hendrix


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My H is very adamant that any type of cheating means he is out the door. I agree with him. I don't think my H would make a distinction between men or women, cheating is cheating to the both of us. It's a deal breaker in our marriage.


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## Soma289 (Sep 2, 2014)

It's an automatic dealbreaker for me. Even if she cheated with another woman - it would still be a betrayal of our marriage vows. I could never trust her again.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ladysweet said:


> Also when I say he would kill me I do not mean he would literally kill me it's just a passionate phrase, I guess if my husband didn't feel this way I would question if he loves me enough.


 I can totally relate to what you say here/how your H feels..... my initial thoughts would be - of a cheating man, that'd I'd want to take his Balls off... there is a passionate possessiveness to what we share with our lover.. if these strong emotions weren't there...I , too, would question the intensity of the relationship.. I'd prefer my H feel just as he does..

There is a small minority of men who have "C**k-holding" fantasies.. though some have learned this should just remain a fantasy.. as often when a couple acts it out.. it isn't anything like the fantasy...strong feelings rise within....



> Ah well I'm just so hope nothing like this ever happens, and I give priority to sex and food above all, and that keeps him very happy that hopefully he'll be a one man woman and vice verse forever!


 :smthumbup:


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I would be gone. No doubt in my mind. I have made it clear to my wife. Man or woman I would be gone.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening happyasaclam
Yes, I know I'm strange, but it isn't that big a deal to me. Its not that its "OK", I'm definitely not into swinging or open relationships, but not that bad. I've honestly never understood why this bothers other people so much. 

In a strange way I would fell better about her cheating then about her being severely tempted for a long time but resisting. I am not worried about competing with another real person, but I wouldn't want to compete with a fantasy built around another person. She does not have a lot of experience other than with me, so if she really felt she needed to know what she was missing - I could deal with that: I'm convinced she would discover that she wasn't missing anything.

If she cheated and fell in love with someone else and left, that would be very sad for me - but if it really made her happy, then it would be OK. Again I'm confident that I would find someone else. To me love is a journey, not a destination - we've enjoyed 30 years together - if our relationship ended, it would not take away from those years.

As I said, cheating with a woman wouldn't bother me at all. No sense of competition and the image is just so exciting that I couldn't object. If my wife really were a lesbian, then better that she be with someone who can give her what she needs, than force herself to live with someone who can't. 

Maybe what it comes down to is that I am in some sense supremely confident. I think that a fling would just let her know what she had at home. 

I never want to feel that my wife is with me because she has no choice. I want her to have all the choice in the world and to choose me anyway. 

Ages ago, before we were married, but after a few years together she broke up with me - and I suspect cheated first. The other guy was stylish and "romantic". He gave the image of being everything she wanted. Needless to say the reality nowhere near lived up to the image. I took her back, and immediately and completely forgave her - her feeling of having been deceived and used was already more punishment that she deserved. 

In the end, I didn't marry a saint - I married a real woman with real flaws, and I don't expect perfection in anything. 





happy as a clam said:


> richard... did I read this correctly?!
> 
> It would not bother you much, and you would not be that upset if your wife was cheating?
> 
> I'm having trouble digesting this... :scratchhead:


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

ladysweet said:


> I had a conversation with my husband last night after watching a movie where a women cheats on her husband.
> 
> My husband said if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me because he wouldn't be able to take the fact some other guy has been in me, and heard my intimate moans, he said it would haunt him for the rest of his life
> 
> ...


Different levels:

If it was a one night stand on a trip -*DONT TELL ME*

If it was a online or BS EA that ended- *DON'T TELL ME*

If it is a ongoing she can't stop EA- *WE COULD WORK THROUGH IT* in reality I'm so emotionally invested I don't she would ever meet someone who meets those needs better lol.

If it was a ongoing EA and PA -*I WOULD DIVORCE NO QUESTIONS ASKED*


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Her cheating with another man or women. Marriage over. 

We have been married long enough and worked through enough issues that cheating would be a deal breaker. I guess I'm in the minority of men who don't get turned on by two women together sexually. 

Besides...I'm a catch and there are a Plenty of fish in the sea


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I made the mistake of thinking I could reconcile with my ex-wife for her so-called one-time "thing."

She infected me with HPV and chlamydia, lied about the true extent of the affair (9 years long) and put me through utter hell as I tried to reconcile and protect our children from her increasingly irrational and disturbing behavior.

Was it worth it?

No way.

I will never make that mistake again.

If I get cheated on again by my new wife? We split up as soon as I know if it.

I don't expect that she will, but I don't have blind trust or codependency issue any more.

Life is short, there are people who won't expose you like my first wife did to STDs or sustained emotional pain.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> I wouldn't care if he cheated with rainbow colored night elf...cheating is cheating and it would hurt equally regardless of gender, color, hair, whatever.


Midget clowns would be the worst!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Faeleaf said:


> I had a conversation with my husband about this the other day, and his response really surprised me. He said that if I cheated, he'd be done, period. No possible reconciliation.
> 
> I think I was shocked in part because I'd stayed in my previous marriage for a long time while being cheated on, trying to work on things, trying to recover. And my current husband and I have SUCH a good marriage, it really surprised me that he wouldn't fight for it if something happened along those lines.
> 
> ...



Minus the fact that the fantasy of my wife with another woman is hot (note there is a huge difference though between fantasy and reality), your husband feels exactly the same way I do.

My wife cheating wouldn't likely kill my love for her. I truly believe I will always, always be in love with this woman no matter what.

But it would violate my trust in her to such an extreme degree that trying to recover from that would be nearly impossible. Forgiveness? Yes. Love? Always. Trust? Never 100% blind trust. And I won't be married to somebody who couldn't trust blindly.

Trust as major component of matrimony to me.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

ladysweet said:


> My husband said if I ever cheated on him he'd kill me..........


Sounds like your husband has the possessive gene.

Do you get to leave the house?


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

*Re: Re: Men and the thought of their wife cheating?*



Sunburn said:


> Sounds like your husband has the possessive gene.
> 
> Do you get to leave the house?


Kind of got that right but that's not because of him it's more because of my children. He trusts me 100% and when i do go out he is fine about it. In all honesty I like a bit of possessiveness in men it makes them come across more dominant and sexy


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> To me love is a journey, not a destination - we've enjoyed 30 years together - if our relationship ended, it would not take away from those years...
> 
> Maybe what it comes down to is that I am in some sense supremely confident. I think that a fling would just let her know what she had at home...
> 
> ...


richard... not judging you at all, and thank you for your very poignant explanation. You have a very interesting perspective and I can't say that I don't disagree with much of what you say 

In the end, I would hope my partner CHOOSES to be with me for the right reasons and doesn't just stay because they feel stuck.

(Sorry for the threadjack, OP)


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> The hurtful part of cheating for me would only be about lies, deception, and betrayal. Cheating would be the end of the relationship.
> 
> Sex would not be a problem. We have been swingers and have seen each other with other people.
> 
> ...


So you are really saying something different than the other posters so far. For you it isn't the sex, it is the deceit. I can see that point of view.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Wolfman1968 said:


> As you have seen from the posts, some people will be just as hurt and angry regardless of the gender of the cheating sex partner.
> 
> On the other hand, I would speculate that those that DON'T feel as bad if their spouse cheated with a same-sex partner have the different reaction because they see it as less of a rejection of them for a better man/woman. I think there's less of a feeling of being bested as a mate.
> 
> Then, again, I don't want to speak for other people. Anyone care to extrapolate?


I think you are right. Men, a breed of animal of which I am a member, seem to need to protect their women. Their woman is often the only way they have of reproducing. Having another man involved throws paternity into turmoil and is generally double plus ungood.

A same-sex partner is much more about simple pleasuring each other and for many men seems to pose much less of a threat. Unless the wife wants to pack up and leave and go live with the OW...


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

It can be debated forever, which would hurt most about cheating with a man or a woman.

What concerns me the most is the fact he said he'd kill you. That's an implied threat of violence. Much more than a significant breach of Trust, that is more scarier. For that reason alone, I'd be rethinking my relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It would be a zero violence tolerance policy with me! Although she would be worth killing, I don't believe in that stuff!

The deceit is the killer here. That is what undoes the relationship and undermines the implied trust factor!

I'd much rather her tell me up front that I ain't cutting it anymore with her and to give me my outright release, much rather than what my rich, skanky XW did by having her covert affairs out of town, then coming back home to me to sleep with, only mere hours after she had been humping or blowing Little Lord Lardass in some hotel, with me welcoming her back home while totally oblivious to any of her cheating ways, and then going to town on her like there was absolutely no tomorrow!

Makes me so damned sick to even think about it now!*


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
Is it just hyperbole, or are there people who really would feel like killing a cheating ex? Who might really do it if they didn't get caught?

I know this happens but I just don't understand the reaction. Divorcing someone I understand (though I wouldn't) but killing them? What harm has really been done. They've been shown to be untrustworthy, and leaving the relationship is understandable, but why the murderous anger?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon all
> Is it just hyperbole, or are there people who really would feel like killing a cheating ex? Who might really do it if they didn't get caught?
> 
> I know this happens but I just don't understand the reaction. Divorcing someone I understand (though I wouldn't) but killing them? What harm has really been done. They've been shown to be untrustworthy, and leaving the relationship is understandable, but why the murderous anger?


*I want to start off by saying that I'm not advocating violence against anyone.*

The conventional wisdom here seems to be that infidelity can be explained by biology and the drive to reproduce and that the biology can overcome the social training. That's why people cheat, the attraction takes place and the hormones / endorphins take over and the sex act takes place (or as I like to say "the intentional infliction of pain on your spouse" take place). If you buy that, then you have to buy the violence ... because the same biological / hormonal reaction to protect a mate and harm the transgressor occurs. Similarly the same reaction goes for punishing the mate who copulates with another.

We as humans can over come the biology because we can reason and have intelligence (or at least most of us do). Therefore, there is no excuse for either the physical violence or the physical infidelity.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

If your spouse cheats I really don't understand the need to hurt their affair partner.

The affair partner, despicable as they are, isn't the one who made vows to you. They aren't responsible for you marriage or your spouse's fidelity.

If my wife cheated my issue would be with my wife. It's 100% on her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jaquen said:


> If your spouse cheats I really don't understand the need to hurt their affair partner.
> 
> The affair partner, despicable as they are, isn't the one who made vows to you. They aren't responsible for you marriage or your spouse's fidelity.
> 
> If my wife cheated my issue would be with my wife. It's 100% on her.


:iagree:


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

If my partner cheated I would be done with her. There are plenty of good women out there. No need to tie myself to one that is prepared to hurt me as badly as an affair would. I deserve better.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

SunnyWife said:


> My Hubby has pretty much said the same to me, oddly enough, also after watching a movie with said topic. And, yup, also said that women with women is pretty hot and would not bother him nearly as much. THAT I have a hard time wrapping my head around since to me that would still be cheating, but hey, it seems that he's not the only guy expressing this!  Must be a guy thing.



Oh yes, women+women action is hot as hell. 

However, it's NOT just a guy thing. My wife has said she would love to see me sleep with another man (just for the record, I have *ZERO* interest in doing that). Yet she would be furious if I slept with another woman. I asked her why, and she said she would see another woman as a threat, but a man wouldn't be.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

I find some of the peoples reactions to the statement the OPs husband, that he would kill her ... as either naive or over-the-top. 

I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion so her is mine. This one has really has gotten a reaction from me. Its probably the constant in your face political correctness, everyone is a victim message, I see and here these days. 

First the husbands statement was not that uncommon in that people often say that but don't mean actually killing or harming the other person. They would be mad, upset and hurt. It would kill them on the inside and thus people use it as way to express those emotions. The OP even came back on here and explained that he wasn't serious about hurting her. 

Then the incredulous statements of why would someone feel that way or do that. Its just sex or its just cheating so what get over it move on. Again all fine in theory or until it happens to you. I for one do not believe people are that evolved. We do not live in a Utopia. Human are not perfect and we never will be. Kane and Able are not that far back in our collective history. We as a species are not anywhere near as evolved as some people like to think. 

The majority are still driven by emotions, petty jealousies and personal self-interest. Its who we are a species. It s not good or bad. It just is. Yes society, laws and cultural norms smooth much of that out but it doesn't change our base nature. Look all around the would or just watch the ID channel on TV and you'll see humans are capable of some despicable things. Unimaginable cruelty and/or indifference too our fellow man/women. 

I love passionately so I can relate the statement "I would kill you". Would I do it no. Could I imagine a scenario of making a perpetrator(s) suffer for their actions (Publicly and Painfully) oh yes indeed. And that would apply to the the spouse and the POSOM she had the affair with. I believe people must be held accountable for their actions or else our society of laws and moral codes of behavior will slowly but inextricably be washed away but the tides of time. 

Once a society allows its core beliefs to be compromised it is simply a matter of time until it is washed way entirely. Maybe that is how its meant to be so that we can start all over again. Human history is riddled with great civilizations that have been trampled by their own excess. 

Funny this post may seem dark or pessimistic. I'm am actually a very optimist person and tend to assume the best of people until proven otherwise. Trust but verify always seemed like a good motto to me. Then again maybe I see the world as it is warts and all and still choose to be happy.


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## ladysweet (Sep 1, 2014)

*Re: Re: Men and the thought of their wife cheating?*



Vorlon said:


> I find some of the peoples reactions to the statement the OPs husband, that he would kill her ... as either naive or over-the-top.
> 
> I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion so her is mine. This one has really has gotten a reaction from me. Its probably the constant in your face political correctness, everyone is a victim message, I see and here these days.
> 
> ...


Thank you about the only person who clicked on I had to defend myself 2 times in this thread. That killing me was an expression ... even I would say I'd kill him if he cheated.

How many times have you used the phrase "he's so annoying I could kill him" because if I killed everyone I said that about I'd be facing serious serial killing charges!


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Theseus said:


> Oh yes, women+women action is hot as hell.
> 
> However, it's NOT just a guy thing. My wife has said she would love to see me sleep with another man (just for the record, I have *ZERO* interest in doing that).


What? Are you chicken?


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