# Losing my wife slowly but surely



## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

I'm looking for advice, I feel as if I talk and talk to my wife but we're getting no further forward. We have been married for coming up on 12 years I'm 34 she's 32. We married young and have just had our 4th child and unintentionally I have gotten her pregnant again. I feel I am to blame as I did not want a vasectomy. She had agreed to have our youngest daughter and put her career on hold for a year however now it is 2 years at least and she feels its like a prison. She wants me to leave and I can't bear the thought of it! 

We got together young and have had a pretty rocky relationship but I genuinely feel like we love each other, I can be pretty grumpy even aggresive, also pretty lazy but I really feel like I'm the only one who tries to change our relationship.

We can't afford another child and we don't have room for another one either but I don't think me being appart from her or my kids is the solution. I am struggling to know what to do!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm puzzled. Why does she want to leave? What reasons does she give? And what have you guys tried to fix things?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

She feels trapped, her job means that she works away from home,t she loves her job and has studdied for 6 years to qualify, she has only really started on her career path and didn't really want our 4th child but thought it would be okay as she had always wanted a girl. I don't understand why she wants to leave as I don't understand what I am doing wrong.

My wife recently complained that our house was poorly maintained and that I was lazy, this was before our daughter was born last July however since then I have replaced our entire kitchen, redecorated 2 of our bedrooms and am currently replacing our bathroom. This however means our house is always in chaos. Our daughter has had medical issues too so she has been in and out of hospital, my wife has been diagnosed with post natal depression. I hate seeing her so misserable and that is why Im trying repair our house. 

As she is not working and I am doing works in the house we never have any spare money and we have become massivley in debt. 

I have also had issues with my temper, I am not violent but I can be pretty loud and not very pleasant. But I feel as if I have got that in control too most of our arguements seem to be about money, the house or the way I am too agresive with my oldest son!


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

How is your sex life? That's usually the best barometer of how attracted she is to you.


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## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

My sex life is okay, thats why were are in this problem, we did not plan for having a 5th child


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## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

Last night everything went back to being fine in our relationship, all cuddles and kisses. But I know everything is not cool, my wifes post natal depression is so all encumbering it seems as if when she feels blue our world falls apart! I do not know how to deal with her when she is inconsolable? how do you tell someone their life is not over because they can't go back to a job they love and that they are trapped in the house during the week for the forseable future?


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

You need to figure out why she feels this. I know I learned a lot from the book His Needs Her Needs. 
Have a read.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

Thanks will have a look.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

There has to be a reason. She is not happy. 
You need to work on yourself first. Temper and aggression is not attractive. 
Big debt? Why. That causes a lot of stress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bearded dragon (Apr 21, 2014)

Fordsvt said:


> There has to be a reason. She is not happy.
> You need to work on yourself first. Temper and aggression is not attractive.
> Big debt? Why. That causes a lot of stress.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed temper and aggression is horrible, it always seems to be I aim it at my eldest child, you see he is 15 and he is testing the boundaries, he has been drinking, smoking, smoking canabis, and also talking about legal highs on facebook with his friends.

I probably don't deal with him correctly but my wife does not do punishment, she thinks that we will drive him away from us, I don't agree I think he will end up p*ssing his life away if he goes down that path. I have grounded him countless times, I have now taken his phone off him and I am threatening to make him move school's if he does not change his ways. The problem with my son is he is a grade A student and he thinks this gives him carte blanche to do what ever he likes.

You mentioned money we are having issues with money as my wife is not working now due to our 4th child being just 9months old, my wife was due to return to work in July but now she is due to give birth to our 5th child in September so this will make it difficult for her to go back to work at all! I earn a good wage however its a costly business having children. We also only have a 3 bedroom house so we are having to make changes to try and accommodate to extra people living in the house. This has cost us a small fortune!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Have you ever heard of Birth Control??? Planning???
Yes 5 kids will cost huge $$$. Sounds like the wife needs to start a home daycare. She is going to be there for 5 more years!! Might as well make some coin from it!!!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

If it goes csection get those tubes tied!


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

I don't understand why your wife resents you for the pregnancy. There are other methods of birth control besides vasectomy. 

And you both need to get on the same page about parenting and discipline. Discipline won't drive your children away, its necessary for them to have rules and boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I LOVE my vas!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

weightlifter said:


> I LOVE my vas!


Me too Brother- Amen to that!!!!!!!!


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## Carnut (Apr 26, 2014)

bearded dragon said:


> I have also had issues with my temper, I am not violent but I can be pretty loud and not very pleasant. But I feel as if I have got that in control too most of our arguements seem to be about money, the house!


Sounds very much like my situation. I sought help for my anger issues but they kept rescheduling my appointment (which made me angry) So I never went... Tried to have the talk with my wife tonight... Sit her down and see if you can get to the root of her feelings... If she is open to comunication, then maybe you two can work through it together...


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