# Finally sleeping without melatonin etc



## RisingFromAshes (11 mo ago)

Hello,

Last May my 12 year old daughter found pix on my husbands phone. Evidence of what we later found out was a 3+ years affair w a married mom of two kids our kids ages.

To add insult to injury, they met up (every two weeks) back in our home city we had moved from for my husband! He hated the city and only went there every two weeks for 1-2 nights for work. He started it three months BEFORE we moved. The kids and I didn’t want to move. We had very full lives and lots of friends. 

Finally, they continued meeting during the pandemic but instead of near his work, at expensive resorts and hotels all up & down the west coast. They hit three states and multiple towns & cities. Including ones I used to like and a few near our new home- one that we’d all gone to as a family!

We were married 11 years when it started. We started MC on our 14th anniversary last June.

Husband is remorseful and working hard but our daughters don’t want to be around him.

He hasn’t lived w us since.

Older daughter is in crisis having anxiety attacks and lost a lot of weight. The weight loss started before we found out about the affair. I actually was at a crisis center last May w her texting w my husband who told me he was working hard. Later found out he was at $325/night Airbnb (we paid!) for three nights w married gf.

Even though it’s been 8 months it’s still hard to believe all this sometimes.

I knew the marriage wasn’t good and I didn’t know what to do about it- I thought moving would help but now see it was a lazy band-aid.
If we had gotten counseling before the affair or at least before we moved, we might’ve had a chance. Now I don’t see a way forward as a couple.

It’s very sad but reminds me that nothing in life is guaranteed. I’m starting to look forward- healing but by bit. I want to have fun again!


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I really don't think this is saveable. This wasn't a one time thing, this was a three YEAR affair. Three years of lies and deception. It only ended because he got caught (if in fact it ended at all). There's no coming back from that.

I'm so sorry,


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

I think its remarkable how you've handled yourself despite the deceit. But as already commented here, you need to move on, and I think you already have. More power, energy and good thoughts to you.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

@RisingFromAshes I'm sorry about how things turned out, especially with your daughters. 

TAM helped me through a lot of healing just from reading and hearing other people's thoughts.
I hope the same for you.

It sounds like you're on the way to removing the major pain point from your life.
Sad as it may be, he doesn't sound like a guy who can keep your, and your daughters, best interests at heart.

Best of luck to you.
Chime in if you need help. There are plenty of experts here.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Have you let the woman's husband know? If you haven't, why haven't you?
Wouldn't you like to be told that your husband is cheating on you if you didn't know?
The poor suckers probably can't figure out what's going wrong in his marriage, if he has any clue at all that something's wrong.


----------



## RisingFromAshes (11 mo ago)

I have. He and I are BFFs. My husband’s AP gets so angry when I share new info with him too.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

One thing -- for the divorce (which is the direction it sounds like you are heading) -- make sure ALL of those charges and $$$ he spent on the AP are reimbursed as part of the splitting of the assets.

VERY sorry you are going through this.


----------

