# First Travel since D-day



## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Three months since first d-day. Mini 2nd d-day just last week (full confession to an EA sexting affair 3 mos ago, and last week a realization on my part but no admittance to a PA that I believe happened, but absolutely no way to prove)...Struggling with the latter, not sure what to do about that, but for the most part in R. 

H is going tomorrow off on a golf weekend with the guys. Not worried about it, it's all work people, and since we work together I know them all quite well - great group of guys - they go every year. 

A month ago, I would have been scared to death to be left alone with my thoughts and feelings. Tonight, I find that I am actually looking forward to the next 4 days of being alone. It will be interesting to see if I feel somewhat relieved not to have to see him, or if I will actually miss him. 

And, almost feeling guilty that I don't really think I'll miss him, and that I don't think I'll fall apart being alone here. That I might enjoy it. For some reason, this realization scares me to some point. 

It sounds dumb I'm sure. I've always missed him when we've been apart for more than a day. Weird feeling that I'm looking forward to his absence. What does that say? 

Perhaps that I overthink EVERYTHING now days. :scratchhead:


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Tough place. Hope you enjoy the time alone. Try not to think about all the crap that has gone on. If he is smart...he will check in with you often. I am not looking forward to his first time on work overnight stay. Let me know how it goes.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Maybe you just need some time to breath and step a bit away from everything. I personally think its a good thing.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Well, it seems I am not at all having a problem with being alone while H is out of town!! I went to dinner and drinks downtown last night with some girlfriends, came home, watched a movie and fell asleep on the couch. H had texted me five times, and I hadn't even thought of to check the phone until I woke up this morning. Actually very interesting - his texts started off as how he missed me and loved me - ended with him worried about why I'm not answering, and what I did that night (did you go out...who, what, when and where). Very paranoid sounding, I have never been one that wouldn't just answer his calls/messages. 

Talked to him briefly this morning, but kept it quick. Decided to turn my phone off for the day. 

This is the FIRST TIME in three months that I have done anything for myself. The FIRST FULL DAY THAT I HAVE NOT ONCE DWELLED ON THE A. When it did come to mind, I just wiped it away. He's not here, so it's not here either. And it feels great! I have decided I am not going to turn my phone on tonight, I'm going to catch up on FB and Pinterest, watch some sort of trashy TV show (Kardashians on tonight?)  And tomorrow spending the day with my daughter and niece. 

But, I kinda like this. Like a much needed vacation from the Hell that my summer has been. 

Frankly very surprised that I am feeling this happy without him here. 

Crazy rollercoaster!


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