# Relationship after Baby?



## tigerlilly (Nov 18, 2010)

Where do I begin? My husband (35) and I (36) have been married for 6 years - knew each other for 15 years prior to getting married. We had a wonderful relationship prior to having our beautiful daughter last November 2009. Before we decided to go ahead and have kids, we talked about what we expected our lives to be like - what we'd need to sacrifice and how we'd adapt to having a new person in our lives. We both wanted kids.

The point is......we agreed that while having our daughter would change things, we would still make time for us as a couple. We work different schedules and when we do get time off together, we rarely do anything without her. I love for us to spend time as a family but every once in awhile I'd like to have a 'date' with him and let someone else take care of her. I've voiced this to him several times over the past year and his response was that since we had a baby, our priorities changed and our focus is now her, not us. We had a blowout argument in August and he finally agreed with me and we set up time in September. It was WONDERFUL and we agreed that it was important enough to continue when we could. We've had a few opportunities since then and I've made suggestions and given him options to no avail. 

I'm at the end of my rope. He makes social plans every once in awhile with no problem. But when I mention that I would like to spend time alone with him and go on a date, he says that it isn't necessary. We don't communicate well anymore and when we do talk, we seem to end up in an argument. It's putting a lot of extra stress on my life and when we don't talk or don't see each other at all, I don't feel the stress. I'm starting to think we should separate for awhile. I've mentioned to him that I'm tired of the arguments, he agrees and for a day or two, things are fine. And then, somehow a simple conversation turns into something huge and hateful. He says that counseling wouldn't make a difference because all we have are communication issues. While communication is part of the problem, it's not all of it and if we know that communication is problem and still can't work out our differences, doesn't that mean we need to try something else? What does this sound like and what other options do we have?


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

I think if he continues to downplay your needs, it is going to deplete your love for him. He says making alone time for each other is not necessary, well maybe to him but what if it is important for you?

The marriage builder site talks about love bank deposits and love buster withdrawals, it's pretty interesting. Here's the link:

Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Well my now ex H was downplaying the role as well after our son was born, including sex. I even told him that I did not want that to come between us as a problem. Guess what? Few months later I discovered he has been having an affair with a coworker. When I busted the affair in the open HE filed for divorce and left me with a child that will just turn 2 in a month. He did not leave us financially but definitely destroyed our family and the life we planned for for many years. 

I am not saying your H is having an A but keep your eyes open. Some men can't handle fatherhood that well.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

aww cute, kissable, smell so good, could just cuddle them all day....

reality check: messy, loud, dont respect your right to use the bathroom with the door closed, no thank yous, just gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme...

it is very hard to make baby and h equal some feel there is only one alpa, the baby. please dont make your marriage revolve around the kids. it hurts every body in the family.

yelling and fighting are not going to win someone to our side. they will run for the hills and feel justified in doind so. call your mom or his mom, maybe a sister, meet other moms on your block. when he comes home and no baby, but now victorias secret....

dinner plans that "fell through", oh dear we are all alone what should we do...naked twister anyone??? just keep him out of the babysitting arrangements in the begining, he will come up with all kinds of crazy crap to scare you into keeping this little time hogging person at home with you. and start looking in preschools, a very easy place for kids to go and give you some space...i mean learn, yes learning. i only bring it up now because some states have very strict age rules, but i had my pldest in school as soon as potty training was over.

once your h has a little alone time with you he will remember that you are important, were important, and will always be. kids do go to college and then...just you two. dont be discouraged fight for your man. you had him first.....


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