# Infidelity can do that.



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

He finally lost it. A friends half brother's committed suicide today. But not before killing his wife first. The wife committed adultry by sleeping with her father-in-law a few years back. Wonder how old all his kids are. He may have found out some were not his. Father had sex with his wife, find out possibly you may not be the father of a child....happy freaking fathers day. Youngest may have even been his brother, dont know. Now the kids have neither parent. 

Adultry destroys lives plain and simple.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

People still wonder why the originally prescribed punishment for adultery was a death sentence?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Adultery is not good but it did not cause the murderer's deeds.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

That was an extreme case, when your wife has an affair with your own father. A double betrayal. 
I wish he had stayed for his children though. Loosing a parent through suicide is appalling.
Plus he deprived them of a mum as well. They should always come first.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

An adulterer should at least loose chance of primary custody/residence for kids and equity in the house/any chance at alimony. But in todays society there is not alot of repercussion for such vile behavior.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> Adultery is not good but it did not cause the murderer's deeds.


At the same time i do not see him doing that if she had not have screwed his dad. What came first...chicken or the egg? In this case it was the harlot that did the FinL. Guy was even trying to get psych help but system let him down.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> An adulterer should at least loose chance of primary custody/residence for kids and equity in the house/any chance at alimony. But in todays society there is not alot of repercussion for such vile behavior.


In a divorce it's mainly about the children and what is best for them so my solicitor said. So making sure they have a home, enough to live on, fair parental access etc. He said it's not about who did what, why and when. Which is really what matters as they should always come first.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> That was an extreme case, when your wife has an affair with your own father. A double betrayal.
> I wish he had stayed for his children though. Loosing a parent through suicide is appalling.
> Plus he deprived them of a mum as well. They should always come first.


If he killed his wife, he would be incarcerated and deemed unfit to be a father.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Torninhalf said:


> Oh no It is difficult for anyone to understand. In other threads we are reading how god is intervening. As a NY’er tell me why god saved some from the World Trade Center collapse and not others? Rhetorical of course cause you can’t. If you rely on Gods will you would have to see him as quite evil for the pain and suffering some humans have suffered. I’m sure this is a thread Jack so I’m out but suffice it to say using god in any scenario is subjective. Akin to fairies sprinkling fairy dust.


I have been through a LOT of suffering but I don't see Him as evil at all. On the contrary, He has been there through it all. Most suffering is caused by either our own stupid choices and actions, or by others choices and actions. 
This life is only temporary anyway, so short compared to eternity. 
I always find it interesting when I have heard people blame God for their suffering when they either claim they don't believe in Him or they don't normally give Him a thought.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NTA said:


> If he killed his wife, he would be incarcerated and deemed unfit to be a father.


Yes, that's why the children should be put first. No matter how hurt he was, he killed their mum.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Was the wife put in an untenable situation? As in, the FIL forced himself on her. If he has to travel a lot for work and FIL was living in their home.......


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> At the same time i do not see him doing that if she had not have screwed his dad. What came first...chicken or the egg? In this case it was the harlot that did the FinL. Guy was even trying to get psych help but system let him down.


My point is whether he did something b/c of adultery or not, adultery did not _cause_ it. He chose to do it.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

There are other times where the guy just takes himself out. Ironically then the cheating wife is viewed as a victim.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

NTA said:


> Was the wife put in an untenable situation? As in, the FIL forced himself on her. If he has to travel a lot for work and FIL was living in their home.......


No it was not forced. Their actions messed up the whole family. I figured she was not remorseful or there were other affairs she was entertaining.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> My point is whether he did something b/c of adultery or not, adultery did not _cause_ it. He chose to do it.


The adultry put him in the mindset to allow him to do that. Your comment is same as saying a rape victims rape had nothing to do with their suicide. The rape victim committed suicide because they chose to.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> The adultry put him in the mindset to allow him to do that. Your comment is same as saying a rape victims rape had nothing to do with their suicide. The rape victim committed suicide because they chose to.


Yet millions get cheated on or worse and dont do that. Its wrong to take a life surely.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> The adultry put him in the mindset to allow him to do that.


If this means something other than it made him feel like it, I disagree.


> Your comment is same as saying a rape victims rape had nothing to do with their suicide.


In both cases, I'm not saying it had nothing to do w/ the decision, just that they made the decision.


> The rape victim committed suicide because they chose to.


Indeed they did.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> If this means something other than it made him feel like it, I disagree.In both cases, I'm not saying it had nothing to do w/ the decision, just that they made the decision.
> 
> Indeed they did.


But neither the homicide nor either suicide would have happened had not the other action taken place first.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yet millions get cheated on or worse and dont do that. Its wrong to take a life surely.


It is always wrong to murder, but perfectly legal in the US to take a life(RvW)


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> But neither the homicide nor either suicide would have happened had not the other action taken place first.


Probably not. 

If I murder someone who declined my request for a date, I can likewise say it wouldn't have happened if she'd just accepted. But the decision to murder rests with me.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> God allows us to make choices. That is why we have a choice to love him or not. Think about it. Would you want someone who chooses to love you or someone who is a robot to show you affection because they do not have a choice. When someone has choice you know it is genuine, but that choice also allows people to make bad choices.


Well it really isn’t a choice if the alternative is to burn forever in a lake of fire. Alas this is a thread jack but I appreciate your thoughts.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> It is always wrong to murder, but perfectly legal in the US to take a life(RvW)


In this case it was murder.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

On a spiritual level, I think adultery and murder are very close cousins. The destruction left in wake of both crimes (yes I meant to use that word) on the heart and soul is very much akin.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Torninhalf said:


> Well it really isn’t a choice if the alternative is to burn forever in a lake of fire. Alas this is a thread jack but I appreciate your thoughts.


Why don't you start a thread in the Religion section, so you can freely discuss it and get responses? I think it would be a very interesting topic!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Divinely Favored said:


> He finally lost it. A friends half brother's committed suicide today. But not before killing his wife first. The wife committed adultry by sleeping with her father-in-law a few years back. Wonder how old all his kids are. He may have found out some were not his. Father had sex with his wife, find out possibly you may not be the father of a child....happy freaking fathers day. Youngest may have even been his brother, dont know. Now the kids have neither parent.
> 
> Adultry destroys lives plain and simple.


HORRIBLE - the entire situation. I'm so sorry!


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> It is always wrong to murder, but perfectly legal in the US to take a life(RvW)


you really shouldn't judge other people's personal choices.

When was the last time you made a donation of money and /or time to a children's charity?


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

NTA said:


> you really shouldn't judge other people's personal choices.
> 
> When was the last time you made a donation of money and /or time to a children's charity?


False equivalency and decency and morality or the lack thereof is absolutely subject to individual judgement.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Dictum Veritas said:


> On a spiritual level, I think adultery and murder are very close cousins. The destruction left in wake of both crimes (yes I meant to use that word) on the heart and soul is very much akin.


You're entitled to your opinion, but for a lot of people the destruction left is not at all akin.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> False equivalency and decency and morality or the lack thereof is absolutely subject to individual judgement.


Excuse me?!?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dictum Veritas said:


> On a spiritual level, I think adultery and murder are very close cousins. The destruction left in wake of both crimes (yes I meant to use that word) on the heart and soul is very much akin.


Except in one a person looses their life and in this case children loose their mum.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Torninhalf said:


> Well it really isn’t a choice if the alternative is to burn forever in a lake of fire. Alas this is a thread jack but I appreciate your thoughts.


But soo very many make that choice.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> But soo very many make that choice.


Well we have different opinions on the subject. Certainly your assessment that infidelity destroys lives is spot on.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

LisaDiane said:


> HORRIBLE - the entire situation. I'm so sorry!


Definately...they had 3 kids. How can a p
parent even do that to their child to sleep with a daughter-in-law or son-in-law.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> At the same time i do not see him doing that if she had not have screwed his dad. What came first...chicken or the egg? In this case it was the harlot that did the FinL. Guy was even trying to get psych help but system let him down.


What a nightmare for those poor babies. Do you have any idea how old the children are? Who has the children now? Did your friend and his half brother share the same father or mother?

Sorry for asking so many questions. It’s just such a messed up situation. It’s a lot to process. I pray that the children will eventually be okay. They’re going to need patient, and loving caregivers, and a lot of excellent therapy, if they’re ever going to have any chance of living normal lives.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

A few years back I spent 3 solid days with a family on the east coast helping them get their new business up and running with our tech. Dude was originally from NJ and while sharp, I could tell he’d gotten into a few bar fights in years past. I got to know his wife as well who also worked in the biz. Spent much time at their house, played with the kids.

A few months later I get this horrific news - husband discovered his wife was ****ing one of his managers. Waited for her to come home, shot her dead. Then himself. Poor kids suddenly orphaned. It really shook me for months b/c I didn’t sense anything wrong. They seemed like a perfectly normal & happy family. I even liked the guy. I felt guilty for having like people - both of them - who could do such a thing.

Horrible!!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> He finally lost it. A friends half brother's committed suicide today. But not before killing his wife first. The wife committed adultry by sleeping with her father-in-law a few years back. Wonder how old all his kids are. He may have found out some were not his. Father had sex with his wife, find out possibly you may not be the father of a child....happy freaking fathers day. Youngest may have even been his brother, dont know. Now the kids have neither parent.
> 
> Adultry destroys lives plain and simple.


How f’n sad.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

NTA said:


> you really shouldn't judge other people's personal choices.
> 
> When was the last time you made a donation of money and /or time to a children's charity?


Time? Who has time when i work 60 hrs a week helping to protect the children and families from rapist, child molesters, murderers and otherwise violent individials in the 4 county area i supervise. So most of the citizens can remain oblivious to the crap i have seen of the evil that mankind does. Then tack on an hour drive each way home.
Either way that has nothing to do with killing someone, unless i have to use my duty weapon to prevent loss of innocent life.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

gr8ful1 said:


> A few years back I spent 3 solid days with a family on the east coast helping them get their new business up and running with our tech. Dude was originally from NJ and while sharp, I could tell he’d gotten into a few bar fights in years past. I got to know his wife as well who also worked in the biz. Spent much time at their house, played with the kids.
> 
> A few months later I get this horrific news - husband discovered his wife was ****ing one of his managers. Waited for her to come home, shot her dead. Then himself. Poor kids suddenly orphaned. It really shook me for months b/c I didn’t sense anything wrong. They seemed like a perfectly normal & happy family. I even liked the guy. I felt guilty for having like people - both of them - who could do such a thing.
> 
> Horrible!!


I know, my wife met both of them Thursday, said the guy was really nice and courteous. She did not think much of his wife. My wife has an uncanny 6th sense about cheaters, many times she has sensed an adulterer before it was revealed they were. I guess it has sharpened her senses having ex husband that was a serial cheater.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

EI said:


> What a nightmare for those poor babies. Do you have any idea how old the children are? Who has the children now? Did your friend and his half brother share the same father or mother?
> 
> Sorry for asking so many questions. It’s just such a messed up situation. It’s a lot to process. I pray that the children will eventually be okay. They’re going to need patient, and loving caregivers, and a lot of excellent therapy, if they’re ever going to have any chance of living normal lives.


Same mom, eldest son is in the army, other 2 kids i do not know. Neighbor(uncle) said he was holding the youngest and the child said "If this (adultry) ever happens in your family, dont do this to your kids" neighbor has 3 adopted children.

Dont know who has kids, neighbors mom and stepdad came in, so maybe they are with fraternal grandmother. God i hope the POS grandpa does not have them. However it would be partially fitting if he had to suffer daily raising his grandkids after being party to their mom's adultry and the ultimate ****show he helped start years ago.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> Probably not.
> 
> If I murder someone who declined my request for a date, I can likewise say it wouldn't have happened if she'd just accepted. But the decision to murder rests with me.


Apples and oranges. Declining a date does not elicit the emotional hurt and rage adultry does. Now if you say, killing the one who raped your wife or child....that would be equivalent emotional impact.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> Apples and oranges. Declining a date does not elicit the emotional hurt and rage adultry does. Now if you say, killing the one who raped your wife or child....that would be equivalent emotional impact.


Irrelevant to my point, no one causes our actions, we choose them. Whether our choice was in response to someone else's choice or not doesn't change this.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> Irrelevant to my point, no one causes our actions, we choose them. Whether our choice was in response to someone else's choice or not doesn't change this.


Right just for the sake of action. But an action, good or bad, can be the result of the action of another toward you. ie. A Reaction.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> Right just for the sake of action. But an action, good or bad, can be the result of the action of another toward you. ie. A Reaction.


True enough. It's how a lot of affairs start in the first place.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> Right just for the sake of action. But an action, good or bad, can be the result of the action of another toward you. ie. A Reaction.


I agree with this statement 100%.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Why do we go back n forth here about what we feel should happen to an adulterer..... We can wish and wish all we want happens to them but the fact remains the laws are unlikely to change on this...

It's sad but true, and adultery will still be here long after we are all gone, and was here long before we came....and more lives are likely to be lost to it as well.....

About the best I can do is inform my kids to take getting into a marriage very very carefully, and to have prenupt and protections in place, because we can't control what anyone can do in the future. 

I believe I have read marriage is at all time low, and I believe it will likely fade out over next century or so..... There is just too much temptation and ways to communicate these day and age that the lights of marriage as we know it has never encountered before.... 

Sent from my SM-G988U using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

There is baiting going on in this thread and it's ridiculous. Please stop.

If you want to discuss God's role in infidelity, it would be appreciated if you took it to the Religious forum. Thank you.

Infidelity is not justification for murder. The OP's first post is a tragedy and it is a shame that the guy was not able to get counseling to help him.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Infidelity is not justification for murder. The OP's first post is a tragedy and it is a shame that the guy was not able to get counseling to help him.


Nothing is justification for murder, but a couple of things, held up as reasons, including the rape or murder of a spouse or child and definitely infidelity makes a sane person pause and understand why that murder occurred. Justification? NO, but an understandable reason, quite arguably yes.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Dictum Veritas said:


> *Nothing is justification for murder, but a couple of things*, held up as reasons, including the rape or murder of a spouse or child and *definitely infidelity* *makes a sane person* pause and *understand why that murder occurred. Justification? NO,* but an *understandable reason, *quite arguably *yes*.


By highlighting your key points, I think we have a clear understanding of where you stand on infidelity. You believe that murder is, in fact, a plausible response to infidelity.

Using that same highlighted wording, with a few substitutes, I wonder if you, and others, will agree with the following:

_Nothing is justification for infidelity, but a couple of things, definitely severe emotional or verbal abuse, long term neglect, or forcing your partner into a sexless marriage, makes a sane person understand why that infidelity occurred. Justification? NO, understandable reason, yes._

While it’s understood that the aggrieved spouse should have just gotten a divorce, and then moved on, without cheating first, shouldn’t the same be said about the murderer? Only one of those scenarios leaves dead bodies and orphaned children.


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## it.was.an.ea (Jun 21, 2021)

SpinyNorman said:


> Irrelevant to my point, no one causes our actions, we choose them. Whether our choice was in response to someone else's choice or not doesn't change this.


There are circumstances in life where we have no choice. If I walked into my house and found someone assaulting my wife, that would be one of them. There wouldn't be a risk/reward calculation which is what I normally do when I have choices. Call it animal instinct, but it's how most normal people are wired.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

EI said:


> By highlighting your key points, I think we have a clear understanding of where you stand on infidelity. You believe that murder is, in fact, a plausible response to infidelity.
> 
> Using that same highlighted wording, with a few substitutes, I wonder if you, and others, will agree with the following:
> 
> ...


In yours and his are both the same. Tramatic events screw with someones mind and some tend to make bad decisions. But it is a very good asumption that if one had not occurred than the other most likely would not have either.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

The poor guy obviously cracked and did NOT make any sort of rational decision. I'm sure it wasn't something he plotted, and planned and worked on for MONTHS before doing this. If he HAD planned, I'm sure he would have waited until his POS father was there and killed them BOTH.
You can argue if it was justified, etc., but this was NOT the action of anyone in any sort of rational state of mind.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> The poor guy obviously cracked and did NOT make any sort of rational decision. I'm sure it wasn't something he plotted, and planned and worked on for MONTHS before doing this. If he HAD planned, I'm sure he would have waited until his POS father was there and killed them BOTH.
> You can argue if it was justified, etc., but this was NOT the action of anyone in any sort of rational state of mind.


Right. 2 days prior he and his cheating wife were at my wifes office trying to find a copy of his SS card so he could get mental health help. Wife said she looked through everything in the computer, even old files and did not have it. 

Right about the dad. If i was planning it, i would have dealt with dad too.

I havw always told friends/family if someone said i committed suicide...dont believe it. I am one who will dispose of the problem...not myself.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

it.was.an.ea said:


> There are circumstances in life where we have no choice. If I walked into my house and found someone assaulting my wife, that would be one of them. There wouldn't be a risk/reward calculation which is what I normally do when I have choices. Call it animal instinct, but it's how most normal people are wired.


If someone knocks your car into mine, you did not cause the accident, he did. If you drove into my car, you caused it, though if you had lost consciousness or swerved to avoid a child you might not be blamed for it.

I would say in your scenario your choice was justified, but it was a choice.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> God's role in infidelity


A tragic story. So many on here. 

this is one of the problems. Infidelity from a man's pov is often viewed from one of the moral schemes (either religious or secular). This is due to a life of conditioning based on certain ingrained beliefs. All moral schemes were developed by men and in a sense imposed upon women. These schemes layout 1) how man should live, and 2) how man believes woman should live. thus you get the the stunned man asking the question, " How Could She Do It"? This is a morality based response. And its wrong. 

When viewed from an evolutionary, behavioral, and social standpoint, you can start to figure out Why She Did it? It most definetly had something to do with her emotions. Men are very confused concerning intersexual dynamics because many dont question the world that they live in but blindly accept a very different world. A world in the way things ought to be. . The same message is blasted from culture, education, entertainment, etc.....What Im saying is that these are Psychologically rooted issues that involve emotions and not Moral issues that are rationally based. Sex is emotional not rational. Morality is man's way of attempting to check human nature by placing boundaries. Religion operates on fear and shame. That's their game. It always has been. When secular society expands those boundries, the result is a looser morality.. Nothing new here. This has occured in all advaced societies throughout history.


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