# He exhausts me...



## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

I know this is a marriage forum and all, but this is the general relationship discussion forum, so I hope it is the right place to post this. 

Recently, we (anonim and I) found out our 6 year old son is autistic. Since he was a toddler, I thought that something was not quite right, but until he got into school, I had no way of testing him. I had mentioned this to his pediatrician before our son went to school but the doctor just brushed me off and said that the school would test him. 

I had my son when I was 39 years old. Shortly after I had him, I had to have a full hysterectomy, so I had just got through nursing him, and I was in full menopause...now I feel old and tired. Also, I have started smoking again, which the oncologist told me not to do because I have 7 nodules in my lungs and I have to get them along with the cyst on my adrenal gland checked out every 4-6 months until 2016.

A day in the life of a mother of a child with autism is like trying to juggle water. He wakes up in the morning, and everything HAS to be a specific way, he wants his shower as soon as he wakes, then I have to get him dressed (because he will not do it himself) and then he rides the school bus to school. After he gets home, he starts in with his pokemon. ALL NIGHT I am searching pokemon for this child online. He can recite all of the pokemon...but not only that, he expects me to know these things too. 

I do not mean for this to be a complaint about my son, because he is a lovely child. He is very sweet and kind, he loves to be hugged...but ONLY when he wants to be hugged. He used to be obsessed with touching peoples faces, so for 3-4 hours every night, he would touch my face. Along with his autism, he has encoporesis, and pica. 

One time, we had to rush him to the hospital because he had something hanging out of his rear end...come to find out it was a LONG piece of a plastic garbage bag. I have NO CLUE how he managed to eat that. Another time, he ate some drywall from a hole that he had poked in the wall in his bedroom. I didn't know this hole was there, so when he came out with white powder all over his face, I thought that he had been in some aspirin or some other type of medicine. PANIC MODE...

Well, this is the problem, sometimes he just exhausts me to the point of tears. We have no support here because we live about 45 minutes away from my family and thousands of miles away from anonims family. Even if we lived closer to my family, they would not be much help anyways because they just think that I cannot discipline my son right and that is why he "acts up". My mother actually said that the school makes up words for kids like "autism" when they cannot control them...

By the time my husband gets home, I am ready to pull my hair out or I am exhausted beyond belief. I am having a horrible time sleeping, most of the time I go to bed at 9:30 and I am awake by 1 am and I toss and turn the rest of the night. I went a few days without my meds and now I am suffering from it. 

I want to scream...'CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!' 

End Rant...


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm so sorry what you are going through. I have a family member with Aspergers, which isn't nearly as severe as full blown autism, but still it is a challenge. What helped was therapy for the child starting at a very young age. It is a crime that your pediatrician blew you off. SHame on him of all people for not recognizing the signs. Are there support groups near you? There must be other forums online that specialize in your situation.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

IsGirl3 said:


> I'm so sorry what you are going through. I have a family member with Aspergers, which isn't nearly as severe as full blown autism, but still it is a challenge. What helped was therapy for the child starting at a very young age. It is a crime that your pediatrician blew you off. SHame on him of all people for not recognizing the signs. Are there support groups near you? There must be other forums online that specialize in your situation.


Thank you IsGirl, the school just started a support group that I hope to get to go to, I had to miss the first meeting due to my 9 year old being sick. 

I agree, when I told his pediatrician of my suspicion, he said that he thinks my son was more artistic than autistic...but they would check him in school. What makes me wonder though is encoporesis is one of the symptoms of autism and that is what we were in the doctors office for. I have 4 children in total, I have never had a problem with potty training the others, so I knew something was up when he was still not potty trained at 6 years old. 

I have looked into some autism forums, but it seems that most of the people there are looking for help and not much help is given. It is sad really because we do not have a clear goal in trying to help him. He is really having a hard time in school because he doesn't have a lot of friends and this makes him very sad. It breaks my heart when he comes home and says that no one likes him...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My heart goes out to you. No one can judge a parent with a special needs child, you have to walks that mile yourself to really know. It's doubly worse for you with not being close to family and having said family second guess. UGH! I have two nephews with special needs neither are vocal. Makes leaving them so so hard!

Do you live near any colleges or universities? It might be possible to get a volunteer mentor for your son. My daughters friend did that all through her college as part of an internship for special education. I'm not real clear on the program but you could start with their early ED program web site, then get some numbers... yeah one more thing on your list, sorry about that.

What does the school psychologist offer in terms of peer support? That is usually part of the IEP process. Does he qualify for extended year learning? 

I wish I could offer you more support than this, I know it's a long and sometimes lonely road. Luckily he has siblings that can help distract him and help teach him social skills.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> My heart goes out to you. No one can judge a parent with a special needs child, you have to walks that mile yourself to really know. It's doubly worse for you with not being close to family and having said family second guess. UGH! I have two nephews with special needs neither are vocal. Makes leaving them so so hard!
> 
> Do you live near any colleges or universities? It might be possible to get a volunteer mentor for your son. My daughters friend did that all through her college as part of an internship for special education. I'm not real clear on the program but you could start with their early ED program web site, then get some numbers... yeah one more thing on your list, sorry about that.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your suggestions Anon Pink, there aren't any colleges near here, we live in a small town and the nearest college would be around an hours drive or so but I will check into the school about it. 

He does have an IEP, he has speech and special education along with his regular class. He has fidgets and a special seat for his sensory problems. He also has a group that is lead by the counselor that aids in socialization. I dont know if they have extended year learning here because they go to school year round anyways. Although he is in special education it is only for autism, his IQ is high normal and most of the time he is bored in class. He would be classified as Aspergers but since he has a language difficulty, he falls into the regular autism category, but the Psychologist that diagnosed him said that he is doing 2nd grade work (he is in kindergarten). 

Yes, it is a long and lonely road, he only has one sibling at home, the other two are older and both are in college and we do not get to see them much. Our daughter who is 9 helps quite a bit though. They play together and fight together all the time. lol


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