# Husband Baby Talks



## FoodFrenzy

Hi ladies,

My husband has a bad habit - he baby talks to me. And to the dog. And to the cat.

This behavior started early on during our relationship, and at the time I was only a teenager... I guess I sort of thought it was cute, or at least, it didn't bother me. I don't really know. All I know is now I am 28 years old, and it drives me bananas to have my husband, a grown man, baby talking to me. 

A few years ago, I tried to make a stand against it. He rebelled, essentially saying that the precedent had been set, and he couldn't/didn't want to change. I tried to fight it for a few weeks, with him getting upset when I called him on it, and I eventually dropped it... it didn't seem worth the fight. However, it has been wearing on me a lot lately and it's now affecting how I see him. I feel like I can't take him seriously. When he hangs out with his friends, I see him acting normally (obviously sans baby talk) and he is so much more attractive to me than when he is at home with me on the couch, curled up against me like a little child.

Is this a lost cause? Is he really set in his ways, so much so that I should just drop it? If I am going to tackle this and ask him to change his behavior, how do I approach it in such a way that it doesn't become another drawn out argument?


----------



## Decorum

I am not a lady but I hope you dont mind if I chime in until one gets here.

Assuming for a moment that he does not mean to be demeaning to you I think it is related to insecurity. He may be looking for unconditional love of a co-dependent type. All men have insecurity, some are more honest with themselves and their partners than others.

The problem with co-dependent insecurity is that you (the wife) cannot satisfy it the way you should be validating him as a man (and he validating you as a woman of course).

If I am right then it is the same kind of insecurity that men use who sabotage a relationship and derive “Proof” of their worth for the fact that you stay with him.

If things are good and healthy in other ways then you can address this but do so without attacking it.

He has to get the concept down of what is driving the behavior and learn to distance himself from it. A counselor would be great if he is willing to go, just so that he can grow as a person but I suspect from your post that he would find that humiliating.

I have been helped by several IC sessions when I have sought it out and I would not ever think less of someone else who attended IC but that is a bridge to be crossed.

I don’t see any good coming from actions you take that feel like he is being attacked. The problem is that even approaching it in a considerate, mature but firm manner may appear so to him.

That would be his problem to come to terms with eventually.

Please do not publically embarrass him (I know you may know better, no offense).

Is he willing to do some reading to improve himself?

It could be very helpful if he could undestand what attracts you to him, but you cant just go up and give him a list.

Concepts need context and a safe and mutually supportive moment.

Just some thoughts from the “other” camp. On the other hand I may be way ovethinking this.

I wish you well
Take care!


----------



## Rowan

"Husband, when you baby talk to me it's a huge turn-off. It makes me respect you less as a man and kills my attraction for you. It makes me not want to have sex with you. I'm asking you, again, to please knock it off."

Simple, straight to the point, and probably pretty accurate.


----------



## delirium

Rowan said:


> "Husband, when you baby talk to me it's a huge turn-off. It makes me respect you less as a man and kills my attraction for you. It makes me not want to have sex with you. I'm asking you, again, to please knock it off."
> 
> Simple, straight to the point, and probably pretty accurate.


:iagree:

That would drive me insane too, FF. It seems a little strange that he would insist on doing it, knowing how much it bothers you. :scratchhead:


----------



## over20

FoodFrenzy said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> My husband has a bad habit - he baby talks to me. And to the dog. And to the cat.
> 
> This behavior started early on during our relationship, and at the time I was only a teenager... I guess I sort of thought it was cute, or at least, it didn't bother me. I don't really know. All I know is now I am 28 years old, and it drives me bananas to have my husband, a grown man, baby talking to me.
> 
> A few years ago, I tried to make a stand against it. He rebelled, essentially saying that the precedent had been set, and he couldn't/didn't want to change. I tried to fight it for a few weeks, with him getting upset when I called him on it, and I eventually dropped it... it didn't seem worth the fight. However, it has been wearing on me a lot lately and it's now affecting how I see him. I feel like I can't take him seriously. When he hangs out with his friends, I see him acting normally (obviously sans baby talk) and he is so much more attractive to me than when he is at home with me on the couch, curled up against me like a little child.
> 
> Is this a lost cause? Is he really set in his ways, so much so that I should just drop it? If I am going to tackle this and ask him to change his behavior, how do I approach it in such a way that it doesn't become another drawn out argument?



I hate to say this...but you knew what you were getting into before you married.....you must have seen signs of bad behavior. I man that want's to baby talk does NOT stay with baby talk it is his KINK. His kink will grow and grow.....and you already see the signs of his kink growing with him curled up against you on the damm couch like a kid??? Please don't have children with this man...GET OUT!! THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!


----------



## FizzBomb

FoodFrenzy said:


> Hi ladies,
> A few years ago, I tried to make a stand against it. *He rebelled, essentially saying that the precedent had been set, and he couldn't/didn't want to change.* I tried to fight it for a few weeks, with him getting upset when I called him on it, and I eventually dropped it... it didn't seem worth the fight. However, it has been wearing on me a lot lately and *it's now affecting how I see him.*
> 
> _Is this a lost cause?_ Is he really set in his ways, so much so that I should just drop it? If I am going to tackle this and ask him to change his behavior, how do I approach it in such a way that it doesn't become another drawn out argument?


FoodFrenzy, what a problem to have. Marriage is give and take. I bolded the part in your post where he you opened a dialogue with him and his response. Sounds like it's his way or the highway. This is where the give and take should come in.

I don't see this as a lost cause unless he perseveres in not compromising. If my husband came to me and told me something I was doing was a turnoff and he was losing respect for me, I would take it seriously and change quick smart. Baby talk would be a turnoff for the average person I would think.

If you are at the end of your rope and you can't 'get it up' for him, so to speak (and quite frankly I don't blame you if you can't), then I would sit him down and tell him you would like to go to counseling with him to sort it out.

Does he baby talk during sex or just cuddling on the couch?


----------



## frusdil

Lol, my husband used to baby talk sometimes when we were dating - his daughter was only 5 and I think like a lot of parents he got into a habit and forgot not to do it when he wasn't talking to her...

Occasionally he'll still say "oh well time for bye bye's..." when it's bed time...I just laugh though, it's kinda cute.

He's certainly all the man I need - he provides for me in every way, and treats me like gold. He's not perfect, but then neither am I...

Now if I could just get him to stop flicking his fingernails...rofl!


----------



## FoodFrenzy

Every time I seek advice on TAM, I find it amazing the diversity of responses to my issue. Here, it's everything from "My husband does the same thing and it's just a small habit" to "Your husband is sick and crazy and you need to leave." Somehow my gut is settling somewhere in the middle...

Decorum - I think you have hit on something with your post. In general, my husband seems to do it under two circumstances:

1. He's being affectionate
2. He's really emotionally uncomfortable with telling me something

In previous posts, I have alluded to the fact that my husband has a hard time communicating his feelings. He wasn't really able to express himself as a child due to overbearing parents, so now he has a very difficult time asserting himself. Since the childlike behavior seems to come out when he is exposing himself emotionally, I wonder if he is somehow reverting back, since he was never able to really emote as a kid? I have suggested IC for him before because of his high anxiety (he is SUCH an anxious person), and because I myself spent years in IC and it did wonders for me an my development. I am still not perfect by any means... but I am a heck of a lot healthier and more emotionally grounded.

Delirium - you hit on a resistance to change and a lack of compromise - something we always seem to struggle with. Change makes my husband very anxious - and I am a very dynamic person, so I love change. We're very much opposites in this way. he says he's glad he met me because I kind of force him to evolve, and he keeps me grounded... overall, it's a pretty nice relationship. But there is always a certain level of friction associated with our opposing views. I agree that you would think he would *want* to change if it was really bothering me... but I think the last time I approached the issue, he saw it as me saying "you are no longer good enough for me" and he got defensive. His response was "It never bothered you before. What changed?" 

He's also a very logical person, and tends not to validate my thoughts/feelings unless he can also understand/agree with my reasoning. Very frustrating, but something we have been working on in MC. It's getting better, and we have made a lot of progress here, but sometimes I still need to remind him "This is just how I feel, and I don't need you to understand in order for my feelings to be valid."


----------



## Code-Welder

FoodFrenzy said:


> Decorum - I think you have hit on something with your post. In general, my husband seems to do it under two circumstances:
> 
> 1. He's being affectionate
> 2. He's really emotionally uncomfortable with telling me something"


Next time just start talking baby talk back to him in a sweet way, it would be interesting to see his reaction.


----------



## Redpill

I think your husband needs to man up a little bit. Nothing kills a woman's attraction more than seeing her man as a child or a passive weak girlyboy.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Redpill said:


> I think your husband needs to man up a little bit. Nothing kills a woman's attraction more than seeing her man as a child or a passive weak girlyboy.


I don't disagree. I think the only time I've baby talked is with my babies when they first start to smile. And even then it's not a raised pitch, just a "false" excitement LOL

I could never imagine baby talking my wife.

That said.

This is a perfect example of one of the reasons men get so frustrated in relationships. 

Now I'm not saying all women do this, but there is a large population of women who seem to not be able to accept things. Over time it seems like some women just become dissatisfied and find a reason for it.

Now men might do this as well, it could be a gender neutral issue, but I seem to see a lot more women do this behavior than men.

Assuming everything else is okay in this marriage.

Here's a husband who has ALWAYS done a behavior and it was okay at first and now years later, it's "diminishing him in his wife's eyes". Really? He might be a great friend, fully supportive of her dreams, brings home flowers, remembers and celebrates birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. Properly "dates" his wife. ETC. But because he baby talks sometimes....damn the man!!

:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

Now obviously everything I just said is hypothetical LOL so give this post the importance of anything else on the internet LOL


----------



## Redpill

Dad&Hubby said:


> Now I'm not saying all women do this, but there is a large population of women who seem to not be able to accept things.


Yup. Too many Disney movies or romance novels about how the guy they meet will be their chivalrous knight in shining armor and ride off into the sunset with them and live happily ever after with no problems at all. 

Women today can't handle the challenges that marriage brings. I think they tend to be more in it for the wedding and after that they just stop trying. 

But I'm getting off-topic.


----------



## Fozzy

My wife actually went through this same kind of thing early in our relationship (short lived thank God). Not sure what started it, but she started baby talking at me. It was kind of nauseating. I had to tell her a couple of times that it was highly unattractive, and borderline insulting. Eventually it stopped.


----------



## Daisy10

I wish a man baby talked me when he was being affectionate.


----------



## CharlotteMcdougall

We are all sensitive to different things. Some of us don't mind baby talk and others find it annoying. Spouses should be respectful and refrain as much as possible from doing things that annoy or upset each other.

My husband will call me "Snooks" which is short for "Snookums"; a very babyish pet name indeed. I don't mind it at all. It is rather endearing to hear a tall and strapping man use words like that in a special just-for-wife voice. 

Different strokes.


----------



## Emerald

I don't think you should drop it.

Maybe approach it using "I statements" about how much it annoys you & if he knows & understands it, why does he insists on doing it?

Avoidance is the easy way out & eventually your resentment will turn into contempt.


----------



## 12345Person

I wouldn't take the advice of anyone who tells you to insult him for it. It's a very sensitive issue for him because of his childhood.

Better to accept him for it, but let him know you want him to eventually grow past it by confronting whatever issues in his childhood lead him to that behavior.

IC is what he needs.


----------



## lifeistooshort

My hb did this a little in our early days. In his case it's related to the fact that I'm 19 years younger and it's easy for the older partner to fall into a parent role, because, you know, they have so much wisdom that poor baby doesn't understand yet.....(lots of sarcasm there).

It used to drive me batsh!t crazy; I'm a grown, fully functioning adult thank you. I started responding with "thank you daddy, do you have more advice for me?". It stopped.

Baby talk right back to him, let him see how it feels. Then tell him the bit about losing respect for him as a man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blondilocks

On March 16th, you started a thread on your husband not enjoying blowjobs and seemed quite determined to turn him into a fan of them. Now, on March 20th, you're complaining about his baby-talk and say it is affecting how you view him.

Something isn't adding up - either you're really, really, attracted to him or you're turned off by him. Are you hoping the perfect blowjob will cause him to cease and desist the baby-talk? It won't - he'll just start asking for that perfect blowjob using baby-talk.


----------



## Fenix

Blondilocks said:


> It won't - he'll just start asking for that perfect blowjob using baby-talk.


:rofl::rofl:

That made me spew coffee over my keyboard!!


----------



## Dad&Hubby

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> We are all sensitive to different things. Some of us don't mind baby talk and others find it annoying. Spouses should be respectful and refrain as much as possible from doing things that annoy or upset each other.
> 
> My husband will call me "Snooks" which is short for "Snookums"; a very babyish pet name indeed. I don't mind it at all. It is rather endearing to hear a tall and strapping man use words like that in a special just-for-wife voice.
> 
> Different strokes.


Oh I totally agree. Her husband now respecting her wishes is a problem as well. He is being an idiot for not breaking a habit his wife has told him she doesn't like, but the level of her reaction is also a problem.


----------



## Vega

Anonymous Person said:


> I wouldn't take the advice of anyone who tells you to insult him for it. It's a very sensitive issue for him because of his childhood.


Could you just imagine if he went for a job interview and lapsed into 'baby talk' during the interview? Would he talk this way around his co-workers as often as he does around YOU? 

Obviously, he wouldn't do that, which tells you that he CAN control himself. He's CHOOSING not to control himself around YOU. 

Vega


----------



## sinnister

So he's caulk blocking himself? That just seems.....dumb.


----------



## sinnister

I just read your other thread about him not liking beejays.

Something is off here. Not saying he's crazy but he's acting nuts.


----------

