# Hubby is doing whatever he wants!



## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

We are not yet divorced, yet my husband is behaving like he's single!
He comes home and takes a nap. He sleeps for 2-3 hours in evening so he stays up till 2 a.m. sometimes 3 a.m. watching porn (probably talking to someone online).
It became so disgusting that I cannot stand it, yet I don't have the finances to move out till our divorce is finalized! He masturbates at night on couch in living room, then he goes to our bedroom to clean himself up and he drops toilet paper in toilet with sperm and he doesn't even flush so I would see it (he knew how much it bothered me). Him watching porn when I was more than willing and wanting! I am not morbidly obese, I am 168 lb at 5'6 people tell me I look "hot". His sex/porn addiction was another reason why I've filed for our divorce in addition to financial abuse and his cheating!

He does not wash dishes after himself and does not wash his clothing. I feel like I am his maid (I have 3 jobs and barely have time for myself) yet if I don't clean the house, we'd live in a pig stye! I don't want to live like a pig so I have to clean up. I've asked him to wash dishes. He'd wash one day and would not wash for 5 days.... 

What should I do? We live in the same house for now and he doesn't want to move out!
Thanks


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Can you stay with family or friends for now? Do you know how much longer the divorce may take? At the least don't do his washing!


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Can you stay with family or friends for now? Do you know how much longer the divorce may take? At the least don't do his washing!


No. I do not have anyone to stay with. I don't know how long the divorce will take... the lawyer didn't say


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

He's checked out on you...He doesn't care that it bothers you...

If you don't have kids, that's good...If you don't have any means to go out on your own yet, just try to ignore him and live your life...Don't clean up after him...If he's not physically abusing you, there really isn't much that can be done, unfortunately.....Perhaps you have a male family member have a little "talk" with him...If he doesn't love you anymore, it is what it is, but he doesn't have to be mean or disrespectful..

Sorry that you are going through this...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> No. I do not have anyone to stay with. I don't know how long the divorce will take... the lawyer didn't say


Parents? Siblings? Aunt's or uncles? Cousins? Friend's?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Maybe your husband was and is a useless lump and you were right to divorce him. Even if we assume that is correct, here’s some perspective.

1. YOU filed for divorce from HIM. You are making him single, and it sounds like a unilateral decision on your part. Which is fine, but if you are the one dissolving the marriage, why shouldn’t he act single. You have clearly told him that’s what you want for both of you. You told him “I don’t want you as my husband anymore, so why would he feel much if any obligation to you at this point?

2. Porn is not cheating. (You can argue that it’s gross, demeaning, inappropriate in a marriage, neurochemically disruptive and unhealthy, generally problematic, etc. etc. etc - And I’d agree with you on a lot of that). Still should not be conflated with cheating, and based on what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you have evidence of actual infidelity.

3. Perhaps you shouldn’t have filed for divorce until you were ready to move out.
It’s actually pretty ridiculous to tell someone basically “I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to be married to you, and I’m taking action to end our marriage so I can find a better man, -BUT while I get all that worked out, can we still act like a team and you support me around the house until I’m financially ready to move out?”


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

Anne,
I know it sounds bizarre to some people, but I can understand as I was in a similar situation as you with my ex husband.

1. Do the 180. Do NOT let him see he is getting to you, or he will just do more to upset you. Treat him as a neighbor or acquaintance.
2. Youll have to suck up the cleaning part. If you can’t stand it, then clean up but don’t say a word. I know this is tough to do, but trying to talk to him about it will result in him lashing out more. 
3. Call your attorney. Every day. All day. Until you get help. Make sure your attorney hires a forensic accountant. Request an emergency hearing for sole possession of the house temporarily. 
4. Your husband is keeping you hostage by withholding finances feom you. Don’t give him another cent! Get your own bank account and put your pay in there. Do NOT sign off on anything your husband asks financially. 
5. When you get a divorce, you are entitled to half. You need a forensic accountant to find the money your husband is hiding. 
6. Keep your head down, chin up and know that there is an ending to this one day. Think of it as every day you are closer to freedom.


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