# Wife and the other man?!?



## sdcommuter (Jan 25, 2012)

Not sure where to start....but I will tell you where I am at now. I can fill in the blanks as we go

Cliffnotes:
sometimes happily married 17 yrs, together 23
me & wife are 45
2 kids - 16 & 13
I work in SD all week, fly back to AZ on weekend...doing this 5 months.

My wife seems to txt this guy from work an awful lot. The both work mornings (grocery), and are work buddies. I am guessing he is about 10-15 years younger. I have briefly talked to him a few times, and was never really suspicious. Phone records show going back to 12/23, 128 sends, and 145 receives. 

Most are before dinner time...I am not sure of the content, and have only attempted looking a couple times...never found anything from him...so, it really arouses my suspicion.

There is also, what I believe, going out with POSSIBLY him and other work friends. Wife buys kids something to eat and then is gone for hours. She always seems to have a good cover story (movies, union meeting, etc...)

Not sure what to do...I am 400 miles away.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

sdcommuter said:


> There is also, what I believe, going out with POSSIBLY him and other work friends. Wife buys kids something to eat and then is gone for hours. She always seems to have a good cover story (movies, union meeting, etc...)
> 
> Not sure what to do...I am 400 miles away.


To be sure you have a friend you can trust to maybe follow her on a night she goes out with "possibly" him. Take some pics of what's going on....and inform you!??? :scratchhead:


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Do you honestly think something fishy is going down? Have you talked to her about her friend and how their communications make you feel? You may want to start there before jumping to too many conclusions. I know because you're not physically there it's easy to let your imagination run, but seriously it couldn't hurt to have a conversation with your wife.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

sdcommuter said:


> Phone records show going back to 12/23, 128 sends, and 145 receives.


Not the 1000's I've seen some couples send, but the lack of volume gets made up for in the lack of transparency. I'll bet your wife hasn't talked about her convo's with this friend, has she? The idea is that you don't know about them, right?

Have her followed. Trust, but verify. GPS in the car or cell would be best. Feed the address to the buddy you have on standby and wait.

Good luck. She's in the prime walkaway bracket and the attentions of a man 12 years her junior may be awfully tempting.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> Do you honestly think something fishy is going down? Have you talked to her about her friend and how their communications make you feel? You may want to start there before jumping to too many conclusions. I know because you're not physically there it's easy to let your imagination run, but seriously it couldn't hurt to have a conversation with your wife.


Talking is nice, but you need something more than what you have before you tip your hand. Do not let her take the communications underground.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

MrK said:


> Talking is nice, but you need something more than what you have before you tip your hand. Do not let her take the communications underground.


He already knows about the communicating. In other words, it's not a secret. What she doesn't know is it's bothering him. She should know, she can't read his mind.

He can't control any environment from 400 miles away, even with PI's and GPS's. That's the bottom line. At least talk about what's going on before playing I Spy.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

So what does your gut tell you? Why have you been looking at her communications history?

If your gut is telling you there is something wrong, probably there is. But you don't know what it is without facts.

You can approach your wife with your concerns and see what her reaction is. But play it pretty low key. If something is brewing, or worse, she could take it deep underground. Definitely don't let her know your methods of finding traces, such as looking at the text history.

If there are real red flags, you have two options. One is to nuke it hard right away. The other is to install spyware on her phone and computer to see if there is anything untoward going on already.

The other unstated issue is the general marriage situation. Being away all week like that is murder on a relationship. Is this a temporary job arrangement? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Tell your company you have a family emergency. Get your a*s home and check her computer, credit card bills and any other data you can retrieve and look through.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You need to get home.
Suddenly, unannounced, & late at night.

Nearly 300 texts in less than a month is more than just "friends".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

> You need to get home.
> Suddenly, unannounced, & late at night.
> 
> Nearly 300 texts in less than a month is more than just "friends".




:iagree: Damn right. Something is going on.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

IMO if you already suspect something shady, it is. That's what we all have a gut instinct for. 

Trying to maintain a family and sustain a marriage from hundreds of miles away is what needs to be addressed and pronto. Miliary families go into it with their eyes wide open to what can happen when spouses are away. This situation is different. 

OP maybe you don't have the solid type of marriage you need to survive a 400 mile separation.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

If your gut says it's wrong...it's wrong.

Sorry. Hang in there.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

We don't have gut instincts for nothing. That's how I found out my ex wife was cheating. I worked in another city and she didnt expect me home for 2 more days. I came home unnannounced and the rest is history. Yes, I initially got the "He's just a friend" excuse before I busted her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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