# Kids of Separated Parents



## cisco7931 (May 2, 2011)

From my other threads, you will see how our 52-day separation already taking its toll, and eventually, improving myself as a young adult (I'm only 27). 

I am creating this thread to find out how our 5-year old daughter will be affected now, and in the future, with our (hopefully temporary) setup. 

Mom and Dad never saw each other, or have been together, for the past 52 days. When our marriage was still whole, the three of us usually go out on weekends, or simply have fun at home, go to church etc. We ALWAYS do things together... 

Since we got separated, the reason we give our daughter is "work". Daddy needs to work here, mommy needs to work there blah blah blah....

My in-laws think that since our daughter is young, she won't get affected. I disagree. I am already seeing signs that she has questions, and is confused with our setup:

1. When asked about her mom, she says "shes at work" and always, always changes the topic of the conversation. 
2. Any question related to family, she always changes the topic. 
3. One thing is constant: she says she loves and misses us both. 
4. She always wants to be with daddy (she is with her mom), and says she misses me and always remembers my face. 

Any thoughts? Am I just being too paranoid that her statements and how she deals with this problem is just a reflection of my fears for the future?

I am also too afraid that my daughter is starting to love me more than her mom. We always hug each other, we always kiss, I always tell her I love her, even before the separation. She doesnt usually get that from Mommy, but I'm just too afraid that her heart will grow apart from her mom... How can I prevent this?


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You don't need to worry or try to manage your daughter's relationship with her mother. To be honest, she is probably more insecure about her relationship with you, since she doesn't see you as often. That is probably why she's expressing missing you, loving you, etc.

You are correct that your separation is affecting your daughter. Kids know that something is up. I would try to give your daughter as much info about WHEN she will see each of you and what her schedule is for the upcoming week. Keep it predictable and she will fall into a rythm eventually.

You daughter just wants to love both her parents and does not want to be put in the middle of her parents disagreements, so don't use your daughter as a sounding board. Don't look to her to meet your emotional needs. That is not her role. Just be a good role model and allow her to be a kid. Keep things as predictable and stable as possible and don't change the set-up again until you know it is permanent.


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## cisco7931 (May 2, 2011)

^ Thanks - Don't get me wrong, I don't have any intentions of making my daughter my sounding board. I'm just too afraid that she might be too affected with this. 

One constant question she has is I have money or not. She has been asking that for more than a week straight every time I call her. Reason behind that is finances is not allowing me to visit her weekly...


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