# Did you lose respect for your husband or look at him differently



## Nd4 (Feb 3, 2014)

Do you lose respect for your husband because of what he did in the past, like for what he did in past relationships, or a former drug dealer etc. even though he is a completely changed person now? Does your feelings about the past make you look at him differently or do you feel the past is in the past?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think the past is the past. I have done plenty of wrong things, and dh does not hold them against me. When I ask him for forgiveness, it is truly put behind us.

Now, he did vote for the "other" party six years ago, and that is still a stumbling block for me . . .


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

As long as any mistakes in the past were recognized as such and remain in the past, I don't see a problem. Repeat them whilst in a relationship with me, and there will be a problem.

In the early part of our relationship, for example, my SO thought it was OK to send flirty texts / messages to an ex and other female friends. When he realized that this was a deal breaker for me, he stopped. However, if he were to ever resume these activities, no matter what my feelings for him, I would be gone. I'm not prepared to compete for anyone's time, affections or attention in a committed intimate relationship.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Nd4 said:


> Do you lose respect for your husband because of what he did in the past, like for what he did in past relationships, or a former drug dealer etc. even though he is a completely changed person now? Does your feelings about the past make you look at him differently or do you feel the past is in the past?


My husband has not got much of a past as you call it, He did spend most of his afternoons in the pub after work, I know he liked a drink before he met me, and his afternoons were spent with the lads.

He also lost his licence for drink driving, but he was young when this happened and he now has his licence back, and he never gets in a vehicle if hes had one drop of drink now, so i suppose the answer would be if they've learnt from their mistakes.

I have the up most respect for my husband the way he is today, All people make mistakes, nobody is perfect.

If somebody has turned their life around, then no, I would not lose respect for them, as the person they were in the past is not the person they are today.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I take the past into consideration (doesn't everyone) but I don't hold it against the person. Everyone has a past. Most people grow over time. So long as bad behaviour isn't carried into the future, you have to put it behind you.

My own past includes juvenile delinquency and dropping out of school. I even did a stint one summer in a detention center when I was thirteen. That isn't who I am today. In my adult life, I went to college, and got a job working for the federal attorney's office aiding in the prosecution of crime. Who would've though that was in my future back then? Nobody that's who. Not even me.

People change, people grow. You have to meet people where they are right now.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

no, I actually was never bothered by his past before he met me. Wasn't even something I had to subdue, it just naturally was a non-issue for me. His past while with me, however, is a different matter. Things that happened when we were first dating/married and young have largely been easy to let go, but things that have happened in the last couple years are more difficult for me to let go, especially when they are repeated. It has caused me to be way more guarded around him, partly for my own sanity. Something that happened a year ago can't be in the past if you're still actively doing it, something my husband doesn't seem to understand.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I take the past into consideration (doesn't everyone) but I don't hold it against the person. Everyone has a past. Most people grow over time. So long as bad behaviour isn't carried into the future, you have to put it behind you.


:iagree:

I took the past into consideration, as I don't know if I could be with a man who slept around with a large amount of women or did other things(as they don't mesh well with my own set of morals), but I don't hold someone's past against them, so long as the past stays there. If they were to repeat the bad behaviors, I would have a big problem with it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am one of those of obnoxious people that want to know the history of someone and depending on that history... I do tend to look through "shady" glasses... 

When my daughter starts dating.. it will mean everything to me -learning what type family he comes from, what type friends he hangs with (speaks volumes)...his past behavior...any red flags (drugs, numerous women, getting in trouble, drinking)...she won't want to deal with me...

But I'm not a total jerk... *I fully realize people CAN CHANGE*...and sometimes that changing can be so darn profound that their personal RESOLVE to live a better life is EVEN STRONGER than those who never experienced what they have... some of our best mentors in society ARE those who have walked in the trenches of some pretty bad behavior.... and can now effectively reach others to NOT go that direction in life.... 

And not all stories , to me, are equal.. if someone cheats because they are a womanizer who has a willing wife at home...but he just can't keep it in his pants at the office.. over a man who was living in a sexless marriage for years on end...and falls out of desperation.. I just don't see those 2 as the same animal... but that's just ME.. Always open to the whole story...

I married a nice man, a good man...he had no desire to sleep around.. of course women weren't chasing him down either.. but that suits me fine...he just likes some porn (I'm open to that)..... He doesn't even like to take an aspirin , let alone drugs ..that works for me...

I would talk to anyone...be OPEN to their story... but in that,* I would evaluate where they are today, what they learned from it.*.and take it from there...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Nd4 said:


> Do you lose respect for your husband because of what he did in the past, like for what he did in past relationships, or a former drug dealer etc. even though he is a completely changed person now? Does your feelings about the past make you look at him differently or do you feel the past is in the past?


I'm the last one who could judge anyone based on mistakes from their past so no,I would not lose respect for him or feel differently about him for his past. 

I'm a question asking person.Constant questions to know as much about him as I possibly can and nothing I've heard makes me feel different about him.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Depends on if he learned his lesson or not. I don't care if someone deals weed or something. But if they were ever like porn addicts or hired escorts, gross, Im not going there.


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

As long as it doesn't happen in my relationship, then past is past. I got lucky with my hubby because he didn't really have a bad past and neither did I, so everything was pretty easy going for us.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Many people will say that "the past is the past". Many people really believe that and want that to be true. Many people can really live by that. Most of the time. I have personally learned that, sometimes, people can find a limit to what is "in the past". Once the cat is out, it's quite impossible to put it back. I learned this when women in the past asked me about my experiences when I was in the Army. The seemingly innocent things like where I had gone, what I did. I went some places and did some things. Sometimes those things lead to more questions. In the end, I learned that sometimes people aren't as prepared as they think they are. These days I've learned to admit I was in the Army. The dates I was in the Army. That I reclassified and was a Chem Defense NCO when I got out. That I enjoyed it, mostly. I gloss and avoid anything deeper.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think anytime you lose respect for someone, your attitude towards them changes.

With that said, the past is the past, unless it is affecting your present.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

I lost respect for my husband due to some selfish and stupid actions around our wedding. He has worked very hard to make it up to me and that made me regain respect for him.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Mr honeysuckle was beaten by his ex. This is definitely in the past & staying there. 
I have so so much respect for Mr honeysuckle he never hit her back/ retaliated.
He will always put my needs before his,make sure I have what I want/need.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I lost respect for ex gradually as he started getting verbally abusive but when he said his previous wife broke her wrist because "she was fat and clumsy and fell on a coffee table when all I did was push her..." I realize it was an accident that she fell but his shoving was intentional and at this point I was starting to see his temper. Also there was an incident with an employer before I met him which he also justified. By themselves with a normal person these might just be isolated incidents but they were red flags I ignored. But it was the current behavior that started my lack of respect and ended any respect or good feelings I ever had about him.


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## baedono (Apr 19, 2014)

I was never really concerned about my former relationships past's. I liked learning about their past and what things they had done, but it never bothered me, despite any crazy things that they may have done.

But then when I met my now husband, I didn't really like listening to him talk about his ex-girlfriends (even though I asked about it) or his one experience having a one night stand, but I didn't lose respect for him over these things. The only thing I scolded him about was that he used to smoke when he was in the military (he is from South Korea and all men are required to serve 2 years in the military and he had picked up the smoking habit there). 

He doesn't smoke now but sometimes when he has a bad cough or something I'll make fun of him and say that it's because he used to smoke, but he gets all pissy when I poke fun at him about it.


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