# Hugs Between Married Men & Women Who Aren't Married to Each Other



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

I tried to make the title longer, but couldn't think of any other words to add.

OK, so this is a huge issue between Mrs. Noman & myself: Certain men, usually after drinking, seem to think it's OK to wrap their arms around my wife.

We're not talking about people we are close friends with, or relatives.

And it happened again recently at a church fund raiser, with a band, a raffle, kiddie games & a beer wagon and so on.

I knew this would be a problem event and I was ready for it.

Long story short: an old friend stopped at our booth. She is very ill, it was very hot out, she didn't want to be there. I got pulled away for just a few minutes, but was close enough to see what was going on. She talked to my wife for a few minutes, then someone helped her up the stairs to the hall where it was air conditioned.

Her husband of a few years, who is _not_ an old friend, was wandering around the event with a beer in his hand, hanging out with his neighbor who had a glass of wine in her hand.

My wife saw them in the middle area & went out to tell drunk guy that his wife didn't feel good & needed to go home.

As soon as she walks up, drunk husband opens his arms wide for an embrace & my wife, who is very nice, opened her arms, by reflex, I think, and he got his jollies.

I say that because Mrs. Noman is busty.

We've argued about this over the years, I know for a fact that these dirt bags are getting their jollies, Mrs. Noman counters with, "Maybe they just like me because I'm nice." Hehehe.

And she _is_ nice. She is a very nice person, empathetic. And has big boobs.

Oh, and the drunk husband is absolutely a dirt bag. He stopped by the booth to talk, after someone else had driven his wife home (not that he should have been driving) & he was plastered. I should have said something then, but didn't and now I have to track him down on Facebook so I can send him an F-Off message.

I would appreciate your input.

Am I a Meany, McMeany husband or should I have broken this maggot in two?

EDIT: OK, after thinking about my post for a few minutes, I realized I wasn't phrasing this correctly, came back to add this, found Enigma32 had already given me the answer I _know_ is correct, so let me just amend my question: How many of you agree that these, generally, drunk mother ****ers are just ENJOYING MY WIFE'S BIG BOOBS?

I _know_ I'm right but I can't seem to get HER to see that I'm right.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

You and I both know those guys are hugging her because of the big boobs. I'm guessing she knows too but pretends otherwise to keep the peace. Desperate, and especially drunk douchebags will always go out of their way to try and get handsy with an attractive woman and hugs are a go-to. Unless the person is an old friend or something (even I hug some female friends) I'd put a stop to it.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Enigma32 said:


> I'm guessing she knows too


Yeah, I agree, she knows. 

Why doesn't she just say "_I know, he's such a douchebag" _?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

I have a similar problem in that my W is also nice and comes up with excuses when men hug, and often kiss her on cheek, she has a beautiful face.

Yes you should confront, did you at least tell his wife?

I'm considering tell the wife of some fiend of my Ws brother who kissed her on the cheek, he has a hispanic wife who will go ballistic. 

I told the finance of a young man who did the same and my W left that church.

Ask her why these guys don't hug you, ask her why she doesn't keep back or repulse them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Big no no.

Close friends and relatives? Not an issue.

Anyone else? Hell no and my wife respects us enough to have these boundaries.

We actually nexted one friend that was getting too close with his hugs as well.

You should confront her first and foremost because that is your real battle.

If she doesn't respect you enough to at least agree with you about hugging men you aren't close to, then confronting the men is a fool's errand.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Enigma32 said:


> You and I both know those guys are hugging her because of the big boobs. I'm guessing she knows too but pretends otherwise to keep the peace.


Keeping the peace is exactly what _isn't_ happening. I'm pissed, once again, and that usually doesn't end well.



Laurentium said:


> Yeah, I agree, she knows.
> 
> Why doesn't she just say "_I know, he's such a douchebag" _?


I'd like to know why she doesn't just offer her hand. It either turns into a handshake or a hand to the douchebag's chest as a warning.

It _should_ have been MY hand. Amazing how this happened in the one ten minute window when I wasn't at my wife's side that day. (And, yes, I was deliberately staying by her side, I knew something would happen today, but I thought it would come from someone else who actually goes to church with us.)



TAMAT said:


> Yes you should confront, did you at least tell his wife?


She is a very dear, sweet woman and is in very poor health, a life or death struggle. I'm not going to burden her with this.



ConanHub said:


> You should confront her first and foremost because that is your real battle.


I agree, but sadly, discussing these issues generally ends up with her getting angry. REALLY angry.

We're at a fork in the road in our marriage, we can go either way. I'm hoping to build something better than before.

We shall see.


*Thank you all for your replies. It gives me something to show her that it's not just me.

Woo hoo, the fireworks will be spectacular! (And I am just kidding about the fireworks. If I show this to her, it won't be for a few weeks or months, as things progress, when it will be something we can talk about as adults. Or, she may never see this.)*


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your wife either knows or she is clueless about the behavior of some men. In any event, it’s enough that she is aware of how you feel and should (IMO — as a female) act accordingly. The fact that she doesn’t and this keeps happening tells you all you need to know. During the decades I was married I knew what those random wanna-be huggers wanted and I made sure they didn’t get it. Your wife is not doing that and there’s a reason.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

As a woman, I can't imagine why she wouldn't be more than happy to have you dispense with drunk gropey old geezers. If you don't want to upset her, just have a word with him in private -- and any other random guy who does it.

Was there maybe some situation where she's been doing things for his wife and he knows it and therefore considered it a "thank you" and doesn't consider her a stranger because of her good deeds? If so, that should be taken into consideration, but I would still (maybe somewhat lightheartedly) tell him, I'll take my wife back now, thank you, no thanks necessary. 

It's important to do it at the time when possible.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, she enjoys hugging all men so much that she gets extremely angry in defense of her behavior.

She doesn't seem grown up enough to be wed.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Big no no.
> 
> Close friends and relatives? Not an issue.
> 
> ...


^^^ Again for effect
The men are not the problem dude, your wife is.

If you feel she’s too open and accommodating to other men’s hugs/touch, then that’s an issue you need to take up with her.
And if you can’t do that, if she gets that angry over it and doesn’t respect you enough to listen to your position and respect your boundaries and expectations, then you have an even bigger problem with your marital dynamic.
Either way, your wife is the issue here, not some drunk dumbass who wants to hug her.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

She gets an ego boost every time some turd wants to hug it out with her. She knows exactly what is going on, and more importantly, she likes it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LoL! This reminds me of a company party I took my wife to one year.

She hadn't met many of my coworkers and one supervisor tried to hug her even though he had never even talked with her before. She looked at him like he was a bug and left him hanging in front of everyone! I actually felt bad for him but I was laughing too hard, along with everyone else, to worry too much. I made a bigger joke of it and opened my arms and said "What about me?"

Mrs. C is solid.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Some women are about having wider boundaries on hugging, but for me it is people we know well or family.

No to people on alcohol. I can't tolerate people who are tipsy hugs or not.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

It does make me wonder with my W if men kiss her on the cheek and hug her when I'm there, what does she do when I'm not there.

I think when a woman has a beautiful face, like my W, certain kinds of behavior becomes normalized, like kissing on the cheek. 

I would guess hugs can become normalized for big breasted women as well.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

I like to hug people - will give them out to close friends of both genders, and some people I just met. It's really not a big deal. Are there other red flags?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Personally, I like to keep a 3 foot personal space. I will respond to requests for hugs to avoid being rude, but will not usually initiate any sort of touch. 

A few years ago I was to meet up with a women we'd been emailing who had given us information in making a move from California to Oregon. When I saw her, I thought she had that "give me a hug" expression a hugging lady friend of mine uses and initiated a hug. It turned out that was a bad move and just reinforced my "no touch" policy.

However, my shyness about touch didn't work well when my wife and I went to Australia to introduce me and our daughter to her family. They had quite a large gathering and at least air kisses were expected by all the women. Including a friend of my wife who was the top Australian fashion model at the time.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Openminded said:


> During the decades I was married...


Decades? Sometimes it feels more like centuries.



DownByTheRiver said:


> Was there maybe some situation where she's been doing things for his wife and he knows it and therefore considered it a "thank you" and doesn't consider her a stranger because of her good deeds? If so, that should be taken into consideration, but I would still (maybe somewhat lightheartedly) tell him, I'll take my wife back now, thank you, no thanks necessary.
> 
> It's important to do it at the time when possible.


Actually, she WAS doing a nice thing for his wife: telling the drunken asshole that his wife needed to be taken home!

And, yeah, at the time would have been nice. Literally, the only time I was not with her that day and it happened.



ConanHub said:


> She doesn't seem grown up enough to be wed.


Hmmmm, or perhaps just not to me...



Captain Obvious said:


> She gets an ego boost every time some turd wants to hug it out with her. She knows exactly what is going on, and more importantly, she likes it.


No, I really don't think she does, I think to her it's just not a big deal. Even if it is a big deal to me. Eff my bird.



OnTheRocks said:


> I like to hug people - will give them out to close friends of both genders, and some people I just met. It's really not a big deal. Are there other red flags?


I will assume you are....female? If not, please let me know if you will be attending any functions with my wife and I and you will be drinking.

Generally speaking, I think women should be handing out the hugs. Guys giving bro hugs is OK, but I personally prefer a classic handshake, so manly.

This scumbag was hammered and just felt like getting his jollies. I suppose. Maybe he was just happy to see her & the euphoria from the alcohol increased his happiness to the point where he just had to hug her, and her huge boobs had nothing to do with it.

Plenty of red flags, maritally, this is just a symptom.

Like I said, we're at a crossroads. Or did I say fork in the road. Fork it, whatever I said.

We're getting ready to sell our house and move to another state.

Nothing says we have to move to the same state!


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm a straight dude.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

We have a lot of friends, couples, where the women are huggers. I never go in for a hug on my own, but I seem to get hugged a lot. I always feel a little funny, but I just go with the flow. With some of those couples the guys are huggers too, so my wife gets it from time to time too. Those guys always just seem like they hug everyone though. I've never got the feeling they were coping a feel. They are usually the ones that do a handshake followed by "bro hug". I think it is just a case by case basis. If it looks or feels creepy, it probably is.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

BigDaddyNY said:


> They are usually the ones that do a handshake followed by "bro hug". I think it is just a case by case basis. If it looks or feels creepy, it probably is.


I think the whole male bonding thing is creepy. I accept male hugs only from my brother and his two boys and that only to avoid being rude.

I only accept touch by anyone, male or female, when it is not avoidable without being offensive.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

People are different in terms of how much touching they're okay with, and that's fine. Regardless, it's a pretty big stretch to read this much into a hug IMO. It's not like he grabbed her ass.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> You and I both know those guys are hugging her because of the big boobs. I'm guessing she knows too but pretends otherwise to keep the peace. Desperate, and especially drunk douchebags will always go out of their way to try and get handsy with an attractive woman and hugs are a go-to. Unless the person is an old friend or something (even I hug some female friends) I'd put a stop to it.


I agree completely. That’s where a guy who gives a side hug is THE MAN. Respects His wife, in doing that, some don’t hug at all out of sheer respect but the men I know always hug me and it’s a side hug. Except for certain ones and I already know why they don’t and respect them for that.

I remember a time my neighbor was super drunk, I was upset that night because there’d been a party and my husband was wasted and being a super Di-K to me that evening. Said neighbor came in the garage and I asked if he’d seen my husband, I was in tears and I stood up to go find him when my neighbor stopped me, acting like he was concerned.

he wrapped his arms around me, making me super uncomfortable, this guy was HUGE and kissed me which made me freak out but I was frozen, couldn’t believe this was happening, I finally squirmed out of his grip and walked back to my house. It’s a total and complete violation. I don’t get it. Are they really THAT desperate?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

@Bulfrog1987 does your husband know about your neighbors advances ? Sounds like he definitely tried to take advantage of you. It obviously wasn't just a hug.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Not been the hugger type ,I don't do it but he french are big into this cheek to cheek thing and different areas have different amounts of it so in this area it is one in other areas it is two and some 3 , and when the people from 3 meet the people that are into less they demand 3,

we are more like the British we have a invisible wall and feel a bit like someone is after braking that wall when they cross it , 

cultures are very different and in the US where it is a melting pot a lot depends on their culture , 

all so I can't imagine what anyone would get out of hugging a woman just because she has big breasts, 
for me it is a turn off if some woman tries to smugger me in her breasts,


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I don't know why so many seem to except drunken behaver , it often seems like they are using the drink as a get out of jail card , 

I don't loose control if I have some drink 
I might not be able walk in a straight line , but I am not the drinking type , normally only at local parties as any where with distance I am the driver so one drink is all


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

OnTheRocks said:


> People are different in terms of how much touching they're okay with, and that's fine. Regardless, it's a pretty big stretch to read this much into a hug IMO. It's not like he grabbed her ass.


It really all revolves around the Liquid Libido.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened and alcohol has always been involved, on the creep's part.

For several years we attended an annual wine tasting, and it's amazing how a few, or more than few, drinks loosens someone up to the point where they think wrapping their arms around someone they wouldn't ordinarily hug is suddenly OK.

In front of a husband they've never met. I'm sure people have died for that.

And he might have gotten a touch of ass, he's about the same height as her, so his hand might have slipped down a little, I couldn't tell from my angle.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> @Bulfrog1987 does your husband know about your neighbors advances ? Sounds like he definitely tried to take advantage of you. It obviously wasn't just a hug.


They were really good friends and and they’d all been drinking, I didn’t, well, I couldn’t tell him because of how drunk he was and by the next day I felt like he wouldn’t have probably believed me and also, this neighbor was basically “harmless” is what everyone thought so I just kept it to myself and never went over there without my husband or stayed if my husband left.

This was probably 14 years ago, I was around 20 or 21 years old at the time, my husband died this passed March.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Noman said:


> It really all revolves around the Liquid Libido.
> 
> This isn't the first time something like this has happened and alcohol has always been involved, on the creep's part.
> 
> ...


You are way too obsessed with the behavior of other people who you can’t control. 
You can’t remake the world as you want it.
You can’t control strangers’ obnoxious behavior. 
You can’t even control your wife’s behavior - but you can set expectations and boundaries for her behavior within the context of your marriage.

Again, annoying drunk dudes aren’t the problem here. Other peoples behavior isn’t the problem.
Your wife’s openness to hugs/touching from other men is the problem. 
And if you are unable/unwilling to effectively address this issue with your wife, then you (or your marriage dynamics, which you are responsible for leading) are also part of the problem.
That’s what you need to address, focus on that. Everything else is just blustering ********.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't hug many women. I just get them pregnant.😉😋


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

DudeInProgress said:


> You are way too obsessed with the behavior of other people who you can’t control.
> You can’t remake the world as you want it.
> You can’t control strangers’ obnoxious behavior.


Oh, I could, and would, have controlled that stranger's obnoxious behavior with a push to his chest.

If some dumbass hadn't insisted on my attention.




DudeInProgress said:


> You can’t even control your wife’s behavior - but you can set expectations and boundaries for her behavior within the context of your marriage.


Who said anything about a marriage?




DudeInProgress said:


> Again, annoying drunk dudes aren’t the problem here. Other peoples behavior isn’t the problem.
> Your wife’s openness to hugs/touching from other men is the problem.


Actually, she's _not_ open to hugs. She doesn't like being touched by other people, but she is a very nice person & when they get a few in them they act in ways they normally wouldn't. There have been some very creepy hugs in the past. This one really wasn't that big a deal, to be honest.

She didn't accept his hug because she wanted to hug this guy, she was just being nice. A natural response for her. It's not in her nature to put a hand out to push someone away. That's my job.




DudeInProgress said:


> And if you are unable/unwilling to effectively address this issue with your wife, then you (or your marriage dynamics, which you are responsible for leading) are also part of the problem.


And again, who said anything about a marriage?

Yes, I am responsible for leading, but currently there is nothing to lead.

Interestingly, yesterday Mrs. Noman & I spent 75 minutes in the kitchen talking, and SHE started the conversation. We talked about a lot of things, not just the hug, things that we've needed to talk about for a long time. No yelling, either.

I've been trying to get her to communicate with me for a loooong time, so this was a big surprise.

I was amazed and encouraged.

Still, it's a long, long road back to paradise. Although maybe not, perhaps a mini-big bang will happen & we'll spring back together.

I should probably call Dr. Phil back & ask his opinion on that.




ConanHub said:


> I don't hug many women. I just get them pregnant.😉😋


Ahhh, should we be calling you Ghengis Khan?

You horny bastard.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Is this Will Smith? 😅

Seriously though, pushing a dude for hugging your wife sounds like a good way to get yourself thrown out of a party, and maybe charged with assault. Again, your problem is YOUR WIFE and your lack of trust in her. The other dudes are just bringing out the dirty laundry. There will ALWAYS be other dudes sniffing around at some level.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmm. Sounds like she is doing something positive and taking your marriage and concerns seriously.

That's good news.


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## wolfstooth (10 mo ago)

I agree with you regarding men hugging your s/o; thing is, you can’t beat down every guy that tries to, nor is it lawful; it’s the responsibility of your s/o to respectfully decline unless someone is forcing themselves upon her


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

wolfstooth said:


> I agree with you regarding men hugging your s/o; thing is, you can’t beat down every guy that tries to, nor is it lawful; it’s the responsibility of your s/o to respectfully decline unless someone is forcing themselves upon her


Did I actually mention a beat down? I don't think I did. I'm thinking of more of a Coast Guard 'interdiction', they don't start shooting _right away_...

Put my hand out, if the drunk slob runs into it, then maybe he should learn to hold his liquor.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I can’t give you a good answer without you sending me a picture of said boobs first 😉

Strictly for evidence based reasoning…..


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> I can’t give you a good answer without you sending me a picture of said boobs first 😉
> 
> Strictly for evidence based reasoning…..


I'm not sure what all this is about, haven't read, but I do like boobs so thumbs up👍!


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> I can’t give you a good answer without you sending me a picture of said boobs first 😉
> 
> Strictly for evidence based reasoning…..





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm not sure what all this is about, haven't read, but I do like boobs so thumbs up👍!


I'll ask the missus for permission & get back to you both.

They are beautiful.

_"TiggleBitties for the house!"_


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

> Mr.Married said:
> I can’t give you a good answer without you sending me a picture of said boobs first 😉
> 
> Strictly for evidence based reasoning…..





> Ragnar Ragnasson said:
> I'm not sure what all this is about, haven't read, but I do like boobs so thumbs up👍!





Noman said:


> I'll ask the missus for permission & get back to you both.
> 
> They are beautiful.
> 
> _"TiggleBitties for the house!"_


Not speaking for @Mr.Married of course, and I'm sure they're quite nice and you're kidding anyway, but pls *DON'T* send example pic of them to me.

RR
Eta: correct syntax


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Not speaking for @Mr.Married of course, and I'm sure they're quite nice and you're kidding anyway, but pls *DON'T* send example pic of them to me.
> 
> RR
> Eta: correct syntax


You were quite right about me kidding.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Introduced to man, I give handshake and see if the bones in his knuckles collapse together. If so, hug away.

If the knuckles hold up, is there any grip or is the hand weak. If weak, hug away.

If the hand is similar then no hug.

If the person makes my knuckles collapse I probably couldn’t stop hug even if I wanted to but depending on what they look like I might try.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I hug men and women because I come from a culture of hugs and kisses when greeting. My husband knows this and he's fine with it because he understands where I come from. I'm friendly and I have hugged men, some very good looking and with great bodies, but I don't think about their bodies when doing it. I just don't feel comfortable waving at people that I care about. I hug them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I understand your point, the guy was drunk, he's not a friend, but if your wife doesn't care about the hug, why do you care so much? To the point of thinking about sending a FB message to the guy? I think this is over the top. The thing is, what if the guy doesn't care and doesn't remember hugging your wife? I think this is embarrassing. 

I believe your wife when she says it wasn't a big deal. I would be mortified if my husband made a big deal if I hugged someone because I wanted to be nice. I see this as a punishment for being nice. I wouldn't feel secure around him. I don't need a bodyguard, I need someone who can trust me and let me behave the way I think it's appropriate to the circumstances.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, a hug isn't a big deal unless it moves to groping or kissing. I don't initiate hugs with anyone I don't know well, but in my community there are women who are huggers and many have hugged me when we were first introduced. It's really kind of nice.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Married but Happy said:


> IMO, a hug isn't a big deal unless it moves to groping or kissing. I don't initiate hugs with anyone I don't know well, but in my community there are women who are huggers and many have hugged me when we were first introduced. It's really kind of nice.


I would consider being hugged upon introduction a bit forward. They need to know more than my name before getting cozy. THEN it is nice.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Noman said:


> [...]I _know_ I'm right but I can't seem to get HER to see that I'm right.[...]


You are right. Your problem is that females tend to love attention so it's going to be an uphill battle for you.

But yes, you are right, no man ought to be putting their hands on your wife. And your wife shouldn't be so welcoming either.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

Guess I'm in trouble. Was at a wedding last Saturday and hugged probably 30 women some who I had never met. It was just a friendly hello ! hug - nothing else.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I hug men and women because I come from a culture of hugs and kisses when greeting. My husband knows this and he's fine with it because he understands where I come from. I'm friendly and I have hugged men, some very good looking and with great bodies, but I don't think about their bodies when doing it. I just don't feel comfortable waving at people that I care about. I hug them. 🤷🏻‍♀️
> 
> I understand your point, the guy was drunk, he's not a friend, but if your wife doesn't care about the hug, why do you care so much? To the point of thinking about sending a FB message to the guy? I think this is over the top. The thing is, what if the guy doesn't care and doesn't remember hugging your wife? I think this is embarrassing.
> 
> I believe your wife when she says it wasn't a big deal. I would be mortified if my husband made a big deal if I hugged someone because I wanted to be nice. I see this as a punishment for being nice. I wouldn't feel secure around him. I don't need a bodyguard, I need someone who can trust me and let me behave the way I think it's appropriate to the circumstances.


You would not be a little put off if hubby hugged up some busty fine foxy thing? A hand to the guys chest by wife would take care of it, but she allowed guy in her personal space. My wife would not have allowed that.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Going back 40 years ago, a male co-worker had a rather attractive young wife.
The couple were at a works party and my co-worker`s wife`s married female friend`s husband was drunk out of his skull.
He suddenly put his arms around my co-workers wife and my co-worker punched the guy hard in the face, knocked him flat on the floor and killed him.
My then co-worker was charged with man slaughter and sentenced to an 8 year prison term. A light sentence I know, that this happened in the UK where prison terms are much lighter than in America.
It`s very easy to seriously harm or even kill a drunk person with a hard punch.
Considering the drunk guy only gave a quick hug and did not sexually touch the OP`s wife, which is still totally inappropriate, than I believe the OP done the right think because something like this could quickly escalate into a serious incident.
I believe the OP`s wife did not make an issue out of this because she is genuinely a nice person, it was no way sexual for her and also did not want any trouble, especially considering it was a church fund raiser with children present.
The OP finding that guy on facebook and telling him in no uncertain terms what he can do is the proper mature way to deal with it and exactly how I would have played this out.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Wow I had no idea. I guess I’ve been cheating all this time when I hugged my male friends hello. (No surprise, women, right? Just the worst) I’ll tell H to divorce me immediately. He hugs our female friends but I’m sure that’s different. Men have needs, after all.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This whole hugging thing goes both ways.

A short female, married friend with huge boobs makes it a habit and a tradition to hug me and not let go.
She is now a widow, and still does that hugging.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Wow I had no idea. I guess I’ve been cheating all this time when I hugged my male friends hello. (No surprise, women, right? Just the worst) I’ll tell H to divorce me immediately. He hugs our female friends but I’m sure that’s different. Men have needs, after all.


Did you always know this or is this new facts you've picked up on TAM ? LOL 🤨


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

2&out said:


> Did you always know this or is this new facts you've picked up on TAM ? LOL 🤨


I have learned a lot about myself and how I think from TAM. 😉🙄


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Hugs are fine. But keep your hands above the waist.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I am a woman with small boobs because breast size seems to be an issue in this thread. I like to hug people. I'm friendly & tactile. 

There is also a big difference between a friendly hug & being groped. Few women are going to lean into getting groped or fondled but a hug is nice.

@Noman -- you talk about the drunk guys "getting their jollies" If your wife is getting groped meaning the hug has their groins pressed together & his hands are wandering over her body, step in. If it's just a brief hug, reign in your inner caveman & let your wife know you trust her. You don't have to trust the drunks. You can ask your wife to be more circumspect when alcohol is involved, but IMO you are over reacting & the green eyed monster is getting the better of you.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I think your wife understands these men are trying to cop-a-feel, I have a hard time believing she would be that naive. I have had this happen and I basically avoid the hug. I think this is something your wife needs to practice and put in place.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> You would not be a little put off if hubby hugged up some busty fine foxy thing? A hand to the guys chest by wife would take care of it, but she allowed guy in her personal space. My wife would not have allowed that.


I don't think my husband has hugged strangers, but he has hugged and kissed (on the cheeks) other women in front of me. I remember one time my husband was drunk and one of his friend's wife was upset her husband was being mean to her. This lady is very nice and has a big bosom. My husband went and gave her a big hug and a kiss to make her feel better. She looked at me panicking. I think she though I was going to freak out. I just laughed because that's something I would do to someone who doesn't feel good! 

I don't go around hugging strangers because I understand this is not part of your culture. But when I'm around strangers from my culture I would kiss them on the cheek to greet them, and if I see them more than once they'll get a hug and a kiss. This is normal for me. If my husband does the same it's probably because he's been married to me for almost 20 years. No big deal.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

gameopoly5 said:


> Going back 40 years ago, a male co-worker had a rather attractive young wife.
> The couple were at a works party and my co-worker`s wife`s married female friend`s husband was drunk out of his skull.
> He suddenly put his arms around my co-workers wife and my co-worker punched the guy hard in the face, knocked him flat on the floor and killed him.
> My then co-worker was charged with man slaughter and sentenced to an 8 year prison term. A light sentence I know, that this happened in the UK where prison terms are much lighter than in America.
> ...


I can only say what my response would be if the same drunkard came at me for a full body press every time I ran into him. I'd watch for him and when I saw him coming, I'd run the other way and get in the middle of my husband or some other women. If he was going to hug, he'd have to hug the whole prayer circle. I'd probably also stand behind someone so he couldn't get at my front and would have to settle for the Biden shoulder grope.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Noman said:


> Keeping the peace is exactly what _isn't_ happening. I'm pissed, once again, and that usually doesn't end well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


this is for your wife to handle! Allow her to learn to respect you/your wishes.
I’d guess your wife also gets a kick (ego boost) out of men trying to touch her.

it used to happen to me when I was younger.

your wife needs to adjust her body language!!! When a guy opens his arms like he plans to hug her - she should keep her arms close to her side or even more aggressively cross her arms to send a clear message that HER body isn’t up for men to paw her.

stop fighting HER battles - she isn’t doing what it takes to shut down mens attention. She may also like it… that’s why it happens as soon as you aren’t looking!

your wife has NO boundary! You asking her to have a boundary doesn’t mean she will.

if she won’t - you may want to leave her.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't think my husband has hugged strangers, but he has hugged and kissed (on the cheeks) other women in front of me. I remember one time my husband was drunk and one of his friend's wife was upset her husband was being mean to her. This lady is very nice and has a big bosom. My husband went and gave her a big hug and a kiss to make her feel better. She looked at me panicking. I think she though I was going to freak out. I just laughed because that's something I would do to someone who doesn't feel good!
> 
> I don't go around hugging strangers because I understand this is not part of your culture. But when I'm around strangers from my culture I would kiss them on the cheek to greet them, and if I see them more than once they'll get a hug and a kiss. This is normal for me. If my husband does the same it's probably because he's been married to me for almost 20 years. No big deal.


Long time family friend you have not seen in a while or at a funeral would be appropriate to me. Not hugging a stranger though. If I ever came across some of those kissy cheek foreigners may have problems. Heck my wife would slap the taste out their mouth. 😂


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

AVR1962 said:


> I think your wife understands these men are trying to cop-a-feel, I have a hard time believing she would be that naive. I have had this happen and I basically avoid the hug. I think this is something your wife needs to practice and put in place.


I think she also likes the ego boost from other men.
Is she willing to stop the hugging? Make body language say she is off limits? 
if she won’t - she is purposely disrespecting you knowing that you don’t like it.

what is SHE willing to change?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> Long time family friend you have not seen in a while or at a funeral would be appropriate to me. Not hugging a stranger though. If I ever came across some of those kissy cheek foreigners may have problems. Heck my wife would slap the taste out their mouth. 😂


Be certain foreigners don't care about kissing stranger's cheeks. We only care about French kissing! 🤣👄


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> Be certain foreigners don't care about kissing stranger's cheeks. We only care about French kissing! 🤣👄


Talking bout that kiss on both sides...Italy? France? IDK?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I have learned a lot about myself and how I think from TAM. 😉🙄


I totally agree with you. I too have learned a lot about myself from TAM. Some of it I really didn't like , but life is a learning journey, I like opinions that make me think. Im in the camp of continuous improvement


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