# Emotions



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Just something I put on FB notes:

Emotions are a strange thing, some are good, some are bad.

Being a middle aged male it was ingrained in me a certain set of standards that dealt with emotions, not something taught at a school, but something picked up from the people you looked up to.

Things like what the males role in a household was, work ethics, that sort of thing, emotions and how to hide them from others.

Over the last 20+ years I accepted Tanyas' monthly, sometimes extreme, mood swings. I never had a go at her about them, she freely admits to having huge mood swings, being totally unreasonable, out of control. She says she knew she was being shocking, but she just couldn't control it, and you know, I accepted that, never held it against her, never once said 'you are going to use that as an excuse for everything now'.

Being the typical male, I was always expected to to control my emotions, my mood swings, and for a long long long time I did, always bottled them up, never poured them out, never wanting to burden the one person I loved most with the problems I had, they were for me to deal with, others should not have to worry about them.

Well, problem was I was not dealing with them, I was just bottling them up, pushing them to one side and trying to forget about them until one last trauma in my life sent me over the edge and I couldn't, no matter how much I tried, contain all those years of built up emotions, and all I wanted was for the pain and hurt to stop because I simply couldn't take it anymore, and what do I get from Tanya, my wife, the women I would do anything for, the most significant person in my life, the one I have loved more than anything, 'you are just going to use that as an excuse'

Something that was ingrained into me from a very early age, real men are tough, real men don't cry, real men get on with the job, and thats what I did for the better part of my life, I didn't cry, I was tough, I got on with the job.

Well, I go news for you, real men also drink, quite often to extreme. Maybe thats how they deal with their emotions. Sure, I have the odd beer every now and then, but I am not a drinker, I don't drink for the sake of it, I have a drink when I feel like having a drink, not to 'drown my sorrows', my dad was drinker, and I always swore I was never going to be like him with his drinking.

Well, I am much more at ease with my emotions now, I cry when I am sad, I laugh when I am happy, I sometimes shed tears of joy, especially when I am with my kids, I love them all so very much, there is no shame in letting the ones that love you emotionally support you when you need it, and there is no shame in letting the ones you love know how you feel.

Maybe thats part of the reason why Tanya says she felt the way she did, the closer I got to breaking point, the more I withdrew and bottled up my emotions, trying my best not to burden the one person I loved the most with the pain I was going through, all the time doing exactly what I was trying to avoid, until one 'pissy' little argument tipped me over the edge, yeah, it was just one little argument, and not even worth mentioning in the grand scheme, but it was the one that sent me into a pace that I never ever want to be in again !

Tanya was able to let her emotions out on a regular basis with no fear of me holding it against her, I was taught to hold emotions in for fear of someone holding it against me. I never dreamed it would be the one that I love the most that held it against me.

"*I use to be happy, confident, strong, had plans for the future, laid the foundations for getting there.
Now am fighting to get back to who I was, not what I have become."*

And everyday I become a little stronger, I have setback to deal with every now and then, I have my bad days, but my good days far outweigh my bad days, and with the help of those that love me I am making progress.


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

It's so good to know that your good days outweigh your bad days Crank.. that gives me so much hope. 
And yep it sucks to be let down by the person in your life that you trusted the most. It's good to show your emotions and not bottle it all up, doesn't do you any good to hold it in


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> It's so good to know that your good days outweigh your bad days Crank.. that gives me so much hope.


thanks SA, and glad that gives you some hope.



> And yep it sucks to be let down by the person in your life that you trusted the most.


yep 



> It's good to show your emotions and not bottle it all up, doesn't do you any good to hold it in


Almost cost me my life.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Well, I go news for you, real men also drink, quite often to extreme. Maybe thats how they deal with their emotions.


 Really? :scratchhead: Geez...I wouldn't know anything about that!

You forgot to add the part about stopping work and trashing one's business and pretty much wrecking everyone's home life...and then blaming everyone else for it. That too. 

Sounds like Tanya was a proverbial boat anchor. You may miss her but in the end you will be a happier person. Count on it.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Sounds like Tanya was a proverbial boat anchor. You may miss her but in the end you will be a happier person. Count on it.


I hope I will be a happier person, she has just dropped me as a friend on FB, have been expecting that for a while now, guess she didn't like that others were more than happy to chat with me.

Do I still love her, the answer is still yes, do I hate her, no, do I miss her defiantly 

And now I am going to go off and have a good cry


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Don't worry Crank, as time goes on it'll get better. You'll see..


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Don't worry Crank, as time goes on it'll get better. You'll see..


yeah, I know Freak, I guess I was (still am?) hanging on to some thin thread that we will reconcile, and the FB friends was that thin thread, and now that has been cut I guess that hope that I had has just been cut as well.

I really envy you people who have their kids with them.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

You gotta arrange for some visitation for your kids. You deserve that, especially now that she's filed for support. It's your RIGHT to see your kids!

That hope for reconciliation may have been holding you back. Now you can go and fight for what's yours.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> You gotta arrange for some visitation for your kids. You deserve that, especially now that she's filed for support. It's your RIGHT to see your kids!


Yes, I know it is my right, but laws are different here, I can get all the court ruling I want, but they are not going to anything to a single mother.



> That hope for reconciliation may have been holding you back. Now you can go and fight for what's yours.


you may be right, what I see at the moment is she is more interested in causing me as much pain as she can, the sale of the house, seeing my kids, thats all a distant second for her.

email sent to her:
Slowly but surely you are getting what you want Tanya.

Obviously, by your words and actions, you can't stand me.

By your words and actions you obviously do not want our sons & me to have contact, and are doing everything you can to achieve that goal.

Whats the point me ringing your mobile anymore when all you do is see it is me and let it ring out.

No email addresses for Dan or Jus, no point of contact, I hope you are happy knowing that you are still getting everything you want.

I just want to know why I have heard nothing from the mediation center yet so the house can be sold so you can cut the final ties.

I love our sons more than you can imagine and I still love you more than you can imagine,


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Telling her that you love her just gives her the strength to fight you. You've heard about the 180? You need to throw her off balance and build yourself up. Stop calling and emailing her for one. 

I don't know what kind of laws you have there but I'd think that any civilized country would allow a father access to his sons. You need to look into that more. 

Somehow you need to maintain contact with your boys. They need to know that you aren't deserting them! That's what she's aiming for. Keep fighting to see them!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Telling her that you love her just gives her the strength to fight you. You've heard about the 180? You need to throw her off balance and build yourself up. Stop calling and emailing her for one.


Fist contact in a while, yes, I will do 180 (hard when she is the contact point for my boys)



> I don't know what kind of laws you have there but I'd think that any civilized country would allow a father access to his sons. You need to look into that more.


The courts will do no more than a slap on the wrist, and tell her she is a naughty girl if / when she screws up with me being able to see / speak to my boys.



> Somehow you need to maintain contact with your boys. They need to know that you aren't deserting them! That's what she's aiming for. Keep fighting to see them!


Only have FB messages to them without going via W, she claims to only have a mobile phone, hers, no landline.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

a msg from W

_The mediation center people will ring you when they are ready to.
Please stop contacting me every day.
_

ie: she only called them today, 2 weeks after she was suppose to have called them

she is the only point of contact to my boys, & before yesterday it was 5 days previous when I last contacted her, about access to my boys, as were the 3 previous contacts to her (and one letting her know the mobile phone account could be canceled)


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Hmmph. I don't know about doing No Contact with her. It seems it's what she wants so why make her happy?

I'm evil..I'd just keep calling her every day until she gives the kids their own cell phone. :rofl:

I don't have a landline but each of my kids have their own cell phone. I don't want to get involved with my husband's goings on with my son. If my son wants to talk to his father, it's fine. If my husband chooses to talk to my son that's OK too. I don't WANT to be the person in the middle. Plus all their calls are free because we all have the same carrier so they chit chat about their computer games all day and night if they so desire. 

Your wife is so petty. Life is too short to waste so much energy on stupid crap. She needs to get over herself.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Hmmph. I don't know about doing No Contact with her. It seems it's what she wants so why make her happy?


make up ya mind 



> I'm evil..I'd just keep calling her every day until she gives the kids their own cell phone. :rofl:


Well, my eldest son has offered one of his 'old' phones, all W would have to do is get a sim card



> I don't have a landline but each of my kids have their own cell phone.


Well, I know she has a landline for internet at least, whether it has voice as well I do not know, Jus is 9, too young for a mobile, but Dan is 12, and has been asking for one for a while, she doesn't want him to have one for whatever reason.



> Your wife is so petty. Life is too short to waste so much energy on stupid crap. She needs to get over herself.


when/where did you see a pic of her ?
yes, she is pretty, problem being she is pretty bit*chy as well


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> make up ya mind
> 
> 
> Well, my eldest son has offered one of his 'old' phones, all W would have to do is get a sim card
> ...


Read it again ya numpy PETTY not PRETTY shessh, told ya you needed your eyes tested


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Read it again ya numpy PETTY not PRETTY shessh, told ya you needed your eyes tested


my mistake, seeing what I wanted to see (and yes, I do wear reading glasses!) (and I had tears in my eyes, at least thats my excuse!)


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:rofl::lol: Yeah, I said PETTY. I'm not in the habit of complimenting women who act like beotches. 

She might be pretty but beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bone and right now she's acting pretty damn ugly. 

I can't read without glasses. It sucks. 

Unfortunately your kids are still young and don't have much say in things. When they get older they'll make up their own minds about things. If she keeps acting the way she is she'll do a fine job of assuring that the boys will blow her off and go to you. She's definitely going about this the wrong way. By trying to pull the kids AWAY from you, she'll eventually push them TO you. Just be patient and keep at it when it comes to contacting them. Let them know you are still there for them.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :rofl::lol: Yeah, I said PETTY. I'm not in the habit of complimenting women who act like beotches.
> 
> She might be pretty but beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bone and right now she's acting pretty damn ugly.
> 
> ...


Always


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