# wife cheated not sure what to do our how to handle this



## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

So found out my wife was cheating on me. I suspected her about a year ago. she was texting another guy and deleting all the messages and the call history when I asked her what she was doing she told me the guy contacted her on fb and told her I was cheating on her with his ex wife this guy was a fb friend of hers I went with my wife to the guys ex wifes house and asked the lady if she even new me she looked at me like I was crazy just to try to prove to my wife we were never together well that was not good enough. my wife still continued to delete her history go crazy when I would take her phone well they stop texting as far as I know she said nothing was going on so after some time I kind of just let it go. now it has been about 8 months or so and she keeps bring up the past to me so I was able to pull up her deleted text and call history about 4 or 5 days ago and found a lot of the messages between them not all but a lot of them and sure enough she was defently cheating talking about it being her first time doing that to me saying to him she does not regret it asking him if they were going to get a room before he had to leave out of town there is just so much on there. so I told her I knew and she just keeps telling me that did not happen or I put the messages there somehow and im mental I told her I wanted to know why what I did to her to make her need to do that and we can try to work this out if you want to keep lying to me then im gone but still she is just saying that did not happen need some advice on what to do our how to cope with this, also we have been together for 13 years and married for 3


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Divorce her she is not worth it. You showed her solid evidence and she still denied it. She is nuts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Cheaters go first for denial until they feel really backed into the wall. First I would start the 180. Expose the A to family and friends and of course show that POS's wife copies of what you found.

If you feel you need to collect more information then put a VAR in her car and in your room. Then add a key logger on the home computer. In a few days you will have a great deal more.

If they are not currently doing it then they are talking about almost getting caught. Cheaters are also getting more creative by using the chat features in online games.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

No hope with this kind of major gaslighter who denies the obvious reality.
This is going on more than a year already.
Lawyer, hard 180 and moving on is the only possible answer. And expose her to everyone she cares about.

Save the evidence and inform this woman so she can make her own decisions, don't warn your wife at all.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Give her the divorce papers. She is lying and cheating. She will not wake up out of the affair fog. Maybe the divorce papers will wake her up. Make her go NC with her AP.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

I agree with what y'all are saying on divorce her its just hard mainly because of the kids and she keeps using them against me say all kinds of stuff like I don't care about them if it is that easy for me to leave them. Because yesterday I left after dropping kids at school in the am did not go back home picked up kids after school brought them home told them I had to go to work and left just can't stand to be Around her right now I do not have anywhere to go So I went back home about two in the morning slept in another bed did not say a word to her Now pretty much doing the same thing today Dropped kids at school And yeah I'll tried everything on getting her to at least admit to it Told her some of the stuff that was said on the text Then she tries to say he was trying to do stuff with her but she would not do that to me she is completely lying I have all the text but yea again today she's texting Trying to make me feel bad with the kids and saying I don't want to believe her about the text once again I told her I have read the text still insist on lying just don't no how to deal with this pain and to deal with the pain of leaving her this girl is pretty much all I know I just turned 18 when we got together and now 31 I know there is more out there just having a hard time with this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

Huh. To throw the BS off the WS accuses the BS of having an affair with the AP's ex. The two APs can talk as much as they want in the open and the BS is too busy to notice because they are trying to clear their name. Not gonna lie, thats kinda clever.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

1718 said:


> I agree with what y'all are saying on divorce her its just hard mainly because of the kids and *she keeps using them against me say all kinds of stuff like I don't care about them if it is that easy for me to leave them. *Because yesterday I left after dropping kids at school in the am did not go back home picked up kids after school brought them home told them I had to go to work and left just can't stand to be Around her right now I do not have anywhere to go So I went back home about two in the morning slept in another bed did not say a word to her Now pretty much doing the same thing today Dropped kids at school And yeah I'll tried everything on getting her to at least admit to it Told her some of the stuff that was said on the text Then she tries to say he was trying to do stuff with her but she would not do that to me she is completely lying I have all the text but yea again today she's texting Trying to make me feel bad with the kids and saying I don't want to believe her about the text once again I told her I have read the text still insist on lying just don't no how to deal with this pain and to deal with the pain of leaving her this girl is pretty much all I know I just turned 18 when we got together and now 31 I know there is more out there just having a hard time with this
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Just tell her that you're not leaving them....you're leaving her. Spend time with your kids. Even if it's taking them out for ice cream after school or whatever. 

Thing is, she's not being honest and you're screwing up your opportunity to find out more. You only have the text messages. Right now she knows the games up. You're not around and she's talking. She's talking to the OM to get their stories straight. To come up with a believable and viable story to make you think that you're bat sh*t crazy and they can continue with their activities. You should place a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) in the house (hidden in a place where she spends most of the time on the phone) and then go to the hardware store and get some heavy duty Velcro and secure a VAR under her drivers seat. 

You should catch whoever she's talking to and also find out what HER gameplan is. Don't reveal your sources.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell her to schedule a polygraph and pass it, and only then will you talk.

You should tell the guys wife what has gone down, and post the guy up on cheaterville.com and let your wife know you've posted him there.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

She's using the kids as a weapon and most of the time it works especially if the guy fall for it. I did once an I paid for the mistake. When my second marriage came to a halt, I was in a position that I wouldn't fall into that trap again. 

You will always be the Father and no one can take that away from you. Just love them and be there for them and your kid will be fine but they aren't the problem. It's your wife who is. 

She cheated on you and lied to you and is going to do everything to put the blame on you. Right now she knows that she's caught and giving feeble excuses like you put the text messages on the phone. That should tell you that she has no wiggle room and if you give her any, she will continue to lie. 

Get yourself a lawyer and file for a divorce. When she see's that your serious and at the end of your rope, then maybe she will come clean. Do not give her the escape route. She has to be held responsible for her affair and stop blaming you. Hold your ground and play hardball with her.


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## Growapair (Sep 19, 2013)

I stopped reading after you said "So I asked why she did this to me and told her we can work it out"  Are you serious? You just found out your wife is setting up dates to fvck another guy, and the first words out of your mouth is to plead with her to stay with you! 

What has happened to men? Sorry to be mean but you have to hear this. Your wife cheated on you because you're a doormat. As a result, she doesn't fear losing you. She does not respect you. There is no thril in coveting your attention and your love, because its always available! 

Her new guys however, does not attend to her needs as much. He can care less about her feelings and is only interested in getting his rocks off. As a result, your wife rewards him with the ability to fvck her brains out. Thats how it works. Doormats get walked on, Alpha (A-holes) males get to fvck your wife! 

Most women are this way. Once she knows she has you in her palms and doesn't have to work to satisfy you, she loses respect for you and chases the next guy who gives her the thril of being the "naughty" girl again. you stay home waiting for her with flowers in your dirty shorts and your 2003 Superbowl t-shirl while she takes A-holes penis in her mouth all the way telling him how much bigger he is than you. 

Grow a pair, kick her to the curb, file for D and find another women who is younger, slimmer and better looking and try to not be a doormat or you WILL get cheated on again. Women respect a strong guy who is confident and assertive. If they wanted an emotional guy who is very sensative, they would all be lesbians. once again Grow a pair. 

This makes me sick!


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Im sorry for the wrong choice of words but yea I did say that to her that was not the first words I said to her it was days later when I said that and the only reason I did was to try to get her to talk for some sick reason I guess wanted to hear it from her why and for her to have to tell me why she did it I don't think I could ever be with her again cause this will always be on my mind just not thinking right now I guess


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

1718,

Do not let her guilt you or blameshift the responsibility for this crap onto you.

Tell her you are not a child that cannot understand or interpret the content of text messages.

Tell her that her lying has just ended any chance of fixing your M.

Contact a lawyer and file for D immediately.

Only speak to her about D proceedings and the children.

Expose the A to both of your families and all friends to prevent her from spinning a story about how you are a monster or cheated first.

Expose this POS in every way possible and do anything you can to destroy his life. Cheaterville, Angie's List (if appropriate for his job), literally ANYTHING to wreck this guy completely.

This is one of the most vile OM I have read about here in awhile. He is an absolute predator.

He PURPOSELY set out to destroy your M and family for his own selfish purposes. He lied about you cheating with his xW to manipulate your foolish WW into having an A.

Personally, any guy who PURPOSELY destroyed the family of my children would be physically destroyed as well, but that is something that you may want to pass up if you are not ready to deal with the consequences.

And only consider trying to work on the M with your WW if she starts showing true remorse and willingness to do what's necessary to fix this mess she created.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

1718 said:


> So found out my wife was cheating on me. I suspected her about a year ago. she was texting another guy and deleting all the messages and the call history when I asked her what she was doing she told me the guy contacted her on fb and told her I was cheating on her with his ex wife this guy was a fb friend of hers I went with my wife to the guys ex wifes house and asked the lady if she even new me she looked at me like I was crazy just to try to prove to my wife we were never together well that was not good enough. my wife still continued to delete her history go crazy when I would take her phone well they stop texting as far as I know she said nothing was going on so after some time I kind of just let it go. now it has been about 8 months or so and she keeps bring up the past to me so I was able to pull up her deleted text and call history about 4 or 5 days ago and found a lot of the messages between them not all but a lot of them and sure enough she was defently cheating talking about it being her first time doing that to me saying to him she does not regret it asking him if they were going to get a room before he had to leave out of town there is just so much on there. so I told her I knew and she just keeps telling me that did not happen or I put the messages there somehow and im mental I told her I wanted to know why what I did to her to make her need to do that and we can try to work this out if you want to keep lying to me then im gone but still she is just saying that did not happen need some advice on what to do our how to cope with this, also we have been together for 13 years and married for 3


Dear 1718,

File for divorce. At most, give her one more chance to tell the truth and show remorse and, if she continues to lie, file.

Sorry, but this is the only leverage you have. As long as you are in the "I want to try to work this out" frame of mind, she has no reason to stop cheating, be honest about what she has done and try to fix her marriage. On the other hand, if you prove that you are prepared to leave her, maybe she will see the light, start telling you the truth and show remorse.

If she does, you can stop the divorce proceeding and tell her what are your terms for reconciling (you will get a lot of advice here on what they should be).

If she doesn't, you will know that you have lost her for good (which is what I'm guessing) and can proceed with the divorce and building a new life without her.

I realize that this is hard and that you may not be ready to do this yet but, trust me, it is the only way and, eventually, you will have to do it. The longer you put it off, the more pain you will have to endure and the less your chance of reconciling as her heart will only harden even more over time.

Be strong.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

1718 said:


> Im sorry for the wrong choice of words but yea I did say that to her that was not the first words I said to her it was days later when I said that and the only reason I did was to try to get her to talk for some sick reason I guess wanted to hear it from her why and for her to have to tell me why she did it I don't think I could ever be with her again cause this will always be on my mind just not thinking right now I guess


Trust me it will never make sense. You can save yourself sometime by just accepting it happened, acknowledge that, whatever her reason for cheating, will not be a good enough excuse, and find some way to release your stress and pent up frustration, disappointment, and anger. For right now you need to focus on what you want moving forward. 
Either you can accept the fact that she had sex with another man, or you can't. 
If you can accept it and move forward then you can think about R.
If you can't accept it D and find someone else that you know will be loyal.

Don't let the thought that you won't find anyone else seep into your brain. Don't allow the fact that she cheated ruin your self-respect and self worth. Her flaws are what allowed her to cheat. and most of the time cheating isn't really about looks, or money. It's about the Waywards inability to deal with marriage problems in a healthy way that leads to them being disloyal. If you have problems is a marriage and can't resolve them get a MC. If you can't resolve your issues get a lawyer. But there is never a good reason to cheat. 
Her accusations about you cheating were nothing more than her projecting her guilty onto you. All that stuff she was doing was an act. Her trying to see you as a cheater so she wouldn't have to look at herself that way.
I could not take a woman back that slept with another man. Even if she did all the right things to show me I was the only one she wanted. I could not do it. Other people possess that ability and if you don't it doesn't speak less of you in anyway.

It is your call but know that D. sucks but it eventually ends.
Reconciling with a spouse who isn't fully recommitted is a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

So now last night she admint to doing it and starts crying saying its the biggest mistake shes so sorry does not want me to leave etc. then she says she did put her self in there and we they were about to start she changed her mind and told him to stop but he would not stop held her down and raped her and she said she did not want to call cops cause she did not want me to find out sounds like bs to me


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

1718 said:


> So now last night she admint to doing it and starts crying saying its the biggest mistake shes so sorry does not want me to leave etc. *then she says she did put her self in there and we they were about to start she changed her mind and told him to stop but he would not stop held her down and raped her and she said she did not want to call cops cause she did not want me to find out sounds like bs to me*


moat likely that is a lie...


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

It sounds like a lie because it is. Expect her story to wander all over the place. 

Did she continue contact with him after her version of the rape? 

At any rate contact the police and insist she file her case. Odds are her story will change again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

workindad said:


> It sounds like a lie because it is. Expect her story to wander all over the place.
> 
> Did she continue contact after her version of the rape?
> 
> ...


It is despicable for a woman to falsely accuse a man of rape..despicable...she should own her sh!t...if a WW cries rape and it is untrue get out quick...


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

yes she did contact him after that still she says becase he was thretning her and she wanted to keep him happy so he would not do anything to her again bs


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

1718 said:


> ...and sure enough she was defently cheating talking about it being her first time doing that to me saying to him *she does not regret it *asking him if they were going to get a room before he had to leave out of town there is just so much on there.


She wasn't raped. She's a liar. And a cheater.

But we knew that already.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

1718 said:


> so now last night she admint to doing it and starts crying saying its the biggest mistake shes so sorry does not want me to leave etc. Then she says she did put her self in there and we they were about to start she changed her mind and told him to stop but he would not stop *held her down and raped her and she said she did not want to call cops cause she did not want me to find out *sounds like bs to me


Oh boy, here we go!...


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

If she kept in contact with him afterwards, then her rape claim is complete b.s. ...


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

1718 said:


> yes she did contact him after that still she says becase he was thretning her and she wanted to keep him happy so he would not do anything to her again bs


She is now trying to blame shift to the OM, she really doesn't want to look like the bad guy here. She got busted and is now trying to spin it where she is the victim. 

She is trying to manipulate you, you need to get away from her asap. You can't believe a thing that comes out of her mouth.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She is a pathetic liar and cheater. Her rape claim is highly likely total BS. She merely is in damage control and does not wish to change her lifestyle. She has been playing you for a fool and still continued to lie to you. You need to cut your losses. She has been cheating with this guy, putting your health at risk for STD's and I would suspect multiple times which would mean you have been with her after she was with him. I would strongly suggest:

1. Get tested for STD's
2. Contact a lawyer to understand your options.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

She is lying to you, when she is moving her mouth.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

wow..... what a liar!
so what will you do now?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

1718,

She's obviously lying.

But you should contact this slimy POS who deliberately manipulated her to begin the A by planting bs ideas of you cheating in her mind, and let him know what she is claiming and you are considering having her call the police to file a complaint.

Scare the living s**t out of this vile piece of excrement.

Don't let her file a false claim, that is going way too far.

But making this predator a**hole sweat and crap his pants would be sweet justice for the disgusting and underhanded way he set about destroying your family.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Yea I know this is bs she acted like she was going to call cops last night I told her same thing u better make sure u are not lying because the cops will find out the truth then she said she felt sick and can't call right now bs all the way I wish I knew we're this guy worked or something his phone number he had is not in service anymore when I called it but something needs to be done to this pos too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Growapair said:


> I stopped reading after you said "So I asked why she did this to me and told her we can work it out"  Are you serious? You just found out your wife is setting up dates to fvck another guy, and the first words out of your mouth is to plead with her to stay with you!
> 
> What has happened to men? Sorry to be mean but you have to hear this. *Your wife cheated on you because you're a doormat.* As a result, she doesn't fear losing you. She does not respect you. There is no thril in coveting your attention and your love, because its always available!
> 
> ...


Sorry, but what you said there is just not true!

She cheated not because he is a "doormat" but because she wanted to.

The "she cheated because the husband was doormat" proponents should realise that what they are doing is tantamount to providing WS with a ready excuse. That if their husband is a "doormat" that it is perfectly understandable that their wife cheated on them. Like blaming a shopkeeper when someone robs their shop.

And OP, you'd best get your kids DNA tested.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

She won't call the cops because she's lying.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Think I'm going to try to leave tonight what should I do before I go like what should I tell the kids. tell the **** last time I tried to leave she said she was going to kill her self I don't think she will do that she's just trying to get me to stay
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

1718 said:


> Think I'm going to try to leave tonight what should I do before I go like what should I tell the kids. tell the **** last time I tried to leave she said she was going to kill her self I don't think she will do that she's just trying to get me to stay
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do NOT leave!

That can be counted against you.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

How like if she does it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I wouln't moev out from my house but if you want and she treatens with suicide call ER and wait until they arrive.
Simple.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Another thing is she's claiming rape, I asume she's being raped for the whole last year, call the cops so she finnaly corroborate of recant.

Call her bluff, man. Enough is enough.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

She lying about killing herself to. It is to control you. 

If you think she is serious about hurting herself. Have her committed. Then file for d. 

If she wants to stick to the rape claim insist she call the cops and file a complaint. Call her on the bluff

Won't om be shocked when the cops come to get his story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you have his old phone number, google search it. Also, try spokeo.com and see if anything comes up. Is he still on facebook? 

On the one hand I think she may have been convinced you cheated on her and she was talked into getting even. Realizing that has got to be tough. She is trying to pull her nuts out of the fire.

If I were you, I would go to the police and his ex and see if this guy has pulled this crap before.

Do not leave the house, you have kids you are responsible for. You have to be their rock now more tan ever.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, we have had quite a few ww here that have tried to commit suicide. At least one has killed herself. Do not take chances.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Make this disgusting, manipulative POS squirm.

Contact his ex and tell her of your WW's claim. Another poster suggested, and I concur, to ask her if he has ever pulled this crap before.

Word will get back to him and he will start to truly s**t himself on the possibilities.

Make this vile mother****er suffer for purposely setting out to destroy your family.

Yeah, your WW stupidly bought into it and became a willing participant, but that IN NO WAY detracts from just how evil this SOB really is.

Make him regret he ever met your WW in the first place.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

WW was raped by the Om then she must call the cops and report the crime.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

One of your problem now is that since she can claim rape when it's not true, she can also claim that you hit her, domestic violence, when things dont go your way.

She has now shown she has no standards on what she'll do or say.

Protect yourself. Get a VAR or two. Plant one in the house so that you have evidence to support yourself should she claim you were abusive.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude she was TOTALLY lying about rape! Rape isn't only an act of sex. It's also about control, power, humiliation and violence! 

What woman continues to have a close intimate relationship with their rapist? That would be....ummm...let me think....uhh....NONE!!!!!!!!!


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

call the cops and let the chips fall. Keep a VAR on yourself no telling what she will say


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

1718 said:


> So now last night she admint to doing it and starts crying saying its the biggest mistake shes so sorry does not want me to leave etc. then she says she did put her self in there and we they were about to start she changed her mind and told him to stop but he would not stop held her down and raped her and she said she did not want to call cops cause she did not want me to find out sounds like bs to me


This is why you can't trust her. Tell her there's NO WAY you're going to let ANY man rape your wife and that charges MUST BE FILED!! "How can we let this go" etc. etc.

Get this filed. There's nothing that will turn a WS against their AP and vice versa than false (presumably) rape charges.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Do NOT leave!
> 
> That can be counted against you.


CAN NOT QUOTE THIS ENOUGH!!!

You can divorce and still reside in the same house. It's not easy but it's MANDATORY. If you leave, she can (AND WILL) nail you for abandonment. No kids, no possessions etc.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

We seem to get basicly the same guys on here every day. Doormats. Common sense tells you that you teach people how to treat you. And there is nothing wrong with respectfully telling someone to man up. Not a excuse for cheaters, but a reason for the boldness of some of the affairs on here.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

rape is an absolutely devastating act of control over another human being. Rapists dont just want sex. They want to obliterate the free will of another person. This man did not rape your wife. A woman who is raped cannot even function after the event usually without intense therapy and support from family and loved ones.

It turns my stomach that she said she was raped. She continues to deceive you and demonize the other man. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one to lie and coerce the other man into the affair.

Don't be so quick to assume the affair partner knows everything that's going on in your marriage. She could have lied to him too.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP any update. 

Kep a var on you. You do not know how history may be rewritten.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Cue the music . . .

Queen - 'Another One Bites the Dust' - YouTube


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Nothing new pretty much same old thing Keep saying she will call the cops Still keeps coming up with something else To do instead of that Says she's too scared what will happen after she calls I'm just making plans to get my money right And file for the divorce While I am still living there And just have to go from there Although I am feeling a little better today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Well she's lying through her teeth, so I would pack it in brother. See the lawyer and get your affairs in order. And do not leave the home until D is final.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

1718 said:


> Nothing new pretty much same old thing Keep saying she will call the cops Still keeps coming up with something else To do instead of that Says she's too scared what will happen after she calls I'm just making plans to get my money right And file for the divorce While I am still living there And just have to go from there Although I am feeling a little better today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make sure WW can not get into a car and drive away. Block her car in or disable it. Then call the cops in front of the WW telling them that you need a cop ASAP because your WW was raped.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

How does that work with the cops if it was a year ago can she still report it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

1718 said:


> How does that work with the cops if it was a year ago can she still report it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It will force her lying that she was raped to come to an end. She is not the first WW to cry rape.

True story down in Texas. BH comes home, WW and OM going at it in OM's pick up, WW jumps out of OM's pick up and screams rape, As OM starts to drive away, BH pulls out his gun shoots at OM truck, OM dead.

Eventually the cops find out her cry of rape was false, DA charges her, convicts her, judge gives WW jail time, because WW lie caused the OM to get murdered.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"How does that work with the cops if it was a year ago can she still report it?"

Yes.

It is still within the statute of limitations for a serious crime such as rape.

But theroad is right. Your WW will be stupid to file a false claim of rape against this guy. A DA will not take kindly to playing around with the legal system this way.

But man will it be sweet justice if you somehow get the word passed to this disgusting POS that she is considering it.

He should have to stew for awhile in complete anxiety that his gross plan to lie about your faithfulness to manipulate your obviously unstable WW into an A has completely bommeranged on himself.

I hope the fear pushes him into a mental and emotional breakdown. 

Such a revolting POS deserves to have his life utterly ruined in every way for destroying your family in such an underhanded way.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Yes I feel this pos does deserve something to happen to him. I did also find out where he works today witch is for his family should I call there and say something to them? If so what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

1718,

I would call and tell them exactly what this POS did to sabotage your M, and also throw in that your WW is also saying that he forced himself upon her so you are considering filing a report with the police.

Let everyone POS knows hear the truth of what he did and the lowlife SOB he truly is.

Leave any reputation this scumbag has laying in tatters around him.

He is a predator at the very least, even if (as is likely) your now terrified WW is concocting the forcible rape bs to save herself.

In fact, I think the rape story and the ease with which POS convinced your WW of your cheating so he could get in her pants both point to a level of instability in your WW.

She needs serious individual counseling, as both of these facts scream out a personality that is very unstable and inconsistent.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> 1718,
> 
> I would call and tell them exactly what this POS did to sabotage your M, and also throw in that your WW is also saying that he forced himself upon her so you are considering filing a report with the police.
> 
> ...


You know what you have to do:iagree::iagree::iagreeo it!


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Honestly, I wouldn't dwell too much on the other man right now. Just talk to a lawyer, file for D, and concentrate on yourself.

At the end of the day, the POS OM didn't cheat on you, your wife did. She's the liar, cheater, trickle-truther, blame-shifting POS that screwed around on you...he's just some a-hole, but she was supposed to be your best friend.

Deal with the devil in front of you. Cut her out of your life.

Be careful going forward...you should probably carry a VAR with you at all times...your wonderful wife may claim that YOU raped her next! Who knows what she will say to get what she wants.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Tulsy,

I see your point, and there is some validity to the view that only the WW had the vows to uphold.

But this POS was a complete predator who set out to lie to her about OP supposedly being a cheat with his xW in order to manipulate a woman who quite obviously has personal issues that make her vulnerable to such tactics.

He is a complete and utter s**tbag who PLANNED and carried out a completely false and disgusting campaign that ultimately destroyed OP's M and family.

This guy is a vile and worthless human being who should be completely wrecked and exposed for the garbage he truly is.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

theroad said:


> It will force her lying that she was raped to come to an end. She is not the first WW to cry rape.
> 
> True story down in Texas. BH comes home, WW and OM going at it in OM's pick up, WW jumps out of OM's pick up and screams rape, As OM starts to drive away, BH pulls out his gun shoots at OM truck, OM dead.
> 
> Eventually the cops find out her cry of rape was false, DA charges her, convicts her, judge gives WW jail time, because WW lie caused the OM to get murdered.


And I'm pretty sure there would have been a lawsuit filed by the OM's family for wrongful death. Lose/lose all around. Husband lost the wife and most likely lost all his $$ due to her and OM lost his life.

And like most people, if you walked in and your wife jumped up and cried rape 1st, I'm pretty sure most of us would only see red 1st instead of trying to think things through.


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

CH said:


> And I'm pretty sure there would have been a lawsuit filed by the OM's family for wrongful death. Lose/lose all around. Husband lost the wife and most likely lost all his $$ due to her and OM lost his life.
> 
> And like most people, if you walked in and your wife jumped up and cried rape 1st, I'm pretty sure most of us would only see red 1st instead of trying to think things through.


Worst punishment for the guy is to have to live with the fact that he killed someone for the rest of his life.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Tulsy,
> 
> I see your point, and there is some validity to the view that only the WW had the vows to uphold.
> 
> ...


You make the wife out to be a victim, manipulated and vulnerable. That's exactly how she is trying to act right now. 

The fact is, she is such a liar, which has been confirmed over and over, and the OP only has some of the texts, not all. POS OM was pursuing her for sex, which makes him a scum-bag azzhole, for sure, but you can't trust what she she said about anything, including the POS OM. 

What we do know for sure is that she was texting OM a lot. 
She was hiding the texts/deleting history, etc. 
She told the guy she doesn't regret cheating on her husband with him. 
She's asking him if he's going to get them a hotel room for another romp in the sac before he leaves town. 

If this guy is such a predator and rapist, the above statements, along with her compulsive lying to OP's face, telling OP he's mental, guarding her phone for her life and freaking out when he takes it, don't jive.

I'm just saying the MAIN focus shouldn't be OM. Yes, he's a total POS, no doubt about it....but OP doesn't even know what parts of the "story" are true, including the parts about a lover she pursued for sex, someone she now paints as a predator. The wife is the worst part of this equation.

I just wouldn't trust anything she says or does right now....she simply cannot be trusted. When lying cheaters are in a corner with their hands up, they rat out and blame everything on their accomplices. 

IMO, the OP should concentrate on the 180 and a lawyer. Expose for sure, but don't concentrate on exacting revenge. Focus on getting this lying, cheating wife removed from your life should be the top priority.


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## Everafter2013 (Feb 11, 2013)

1718 said:


> Yes I feel this pos does deserve something to happen to him. I did also find out where he works today witch is for his family should I call there and say something to them? If so what.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry to say, your wife seems to be bat sh*t crazy. If you do care about her, please have her committed and get professional help. Her lies are just too pathetic. 

I don't know how so many others miss this, but I do not believe HER CLAIM that he contacted her first to tell her you cheated with his wife. Remember folks, this came from a woman who claimed that OP put the texts on her phone (HOW???? Including HER sent texts?? She KNEW OP didn't pretend to be her texting this OM. Mind-boggling how she thought OP would buy that one!), now she is crying rape and threatens to kills herself. Yes this OM is a POS who cheats on his wife and sleeps with a married woman. But I am 99.99% sure that she also concocted the story of how they met. My guess? She was the one trolling FB looking for a piece on the side. Please tell OMW EVERYTHING your wife tells you. She needs to watch her back. There is a high possibility that your wife could be a bunny boiler when both you and OM dump her.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Do NOT leave!
> 
> That can be counted against you.


Don't Leave

Turn up the volume so you can hear Matt Matt


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Tulsy,

Not minimizing what the WW did at all. She deserves the full wrath of OP for her foolish and destructive choices.

But read OP's first post again. He HIMSELF had to take his W to talk to POS's xW to address POS's claims to his soon to be WW that OP had been screwing around with the xW.

This means this underhanded predator SOB went out of his way to concoct some bs story in order to get into OP's WW's panties.

And I agree with you, the rape claim is a bs story made up by his panicking WW to save herself, and OP should never actually follow through on the claim or allow her to do so.

My point was that the ease with which OP's W fell for POS's vile manipulation combined with her ridiculous claims of coercion point to a woman with such erratic and illogical behavior that she is in need of serious IC to even begin to fix her issues.

But NONE of that removes the fact that this disgusting pile of s**t set out to underhandedly manipulate her and in the process destroy OP's M and family.

F that vile POS. 

He PLANNED this manipulation out.

And I think he deserves whatever wrath and consequences OP can rain down on his lowlife existence.

And I think OP should also D his WW. She seems too unstable to risk trying to R with.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Tulsy,
> 
> Not minimizing what the WW did at all. She deserves the full wrath of OP for her foolish and destructive choices.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
:iagree:


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Tulsy,
> 
> Not minimizing what the WW did at all. She deserves the full wrath of OP for her foolish and destructive choices.
> 
> ...


Once again, that's what the WIFE said, not the POS OM...it wasn't to address the POS OM's claims, those were OP's wife's claims:



1718 said:


> So found out my wife was cheating on me. I suspected her about a year ago. she was texting another guy and deleting all the messages and the call history when I asked her what she was doing* she told me the guy contacted her on fb and told her I was cheating on her with his ex wife *this guy was a fb friend of hers I went with my wife to the guys ex wifes house and asked the lady if she even new me she looked at me like I was crazy just to try to prove to my wife we were never together well that was not good enough. my wife still continued ....


It hasn't been confirmed that the POS OM said those things. SHE told her husband the story about what the OM said, leading the husband to taking her to the OM's ex-wife's to prove himself innocent. SHE, meaning the OP's wife, is the person who said the OM told her this, which I don't believe.

The reason I don't believe her story is because even if someone comes to you and says your spouse is cheating on you with their spouse, you wouldn't automatically assume that the stranger was telling the truth, and then jump into bed with the stranger for revenge. You would investigate the claims, but you wouldn't just assume the stranger was telling the truth and believe them over your spouse.

I also don't believe the story because everything else she says is complete BS. She even claims rape, which is a pretty horrible thing to pin on someone, even a POS OM. OP's wife is a confirmed liar, over and over again, and nothing she has said about the entire affair can be considered admissible, as far as I'm concerned.

All of the stories the wife tells are to both cover up and justify her affair. Nothing says otherwise.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Report the rape to the police. It will be a great victory for you. If she is lying let she handle it. If she is telling the truth then let him have the fun in jail.


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## Everafter2013 (Feb 11, 2013)

tulsy said:


> Once again, that's what the WIFE said, not the POS OM...it wasn't to address the POS OM's claims, those were OP's wife's claims:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree. Some are quick to paint OM/OW as predators as if WS is just a brainless child with no ability to make sound judgment. Yes all of OM/OW who sleep with a married person is a POS with questionable moral but not all of them are predators. Actually, some of the WS are the predators, trolling bars and internet for affair partners. 

Say this pathetic liar (OP's wife) was telling the truth, even after her husband tried to prove his innocence, she disregarded all that and slept with a stranger as a revenge? If that's what really happened (which I very much doubt), she still is not a victim AT ALL. 

I understand the anger. Not my style, but I also understand the need for revenge toward AP. But to paint a WS as victim and the AP as predator? Nah. Unless they point a gun to your wife/husband's head, WS is an active participant in their affair. If you can accept this, you can learn to forgive this trait of your WS. If you think WS is just a victim of predatory AP, you basically justify his/her decision to have an affair.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Everafter2013 said:


> I agree. Some are quick to paint OM/OW as predators as if WS is just a brainless child with no ability to make sound judgment. Yes all of OM/OW who sleep with a married person is a POS with questionable moral but not all of them are predators. Actually, some of the WS are the predators, trolling bars and internet for affair partners.
> 
> Say this pathetic liar (OP's wife) was telling the truth, even after her husband tried to prove his innocence, she disregarded all that and slept with a stranger as a revenge? If that's what really happened (which I very much doubt), she still is not a victim AT ALL.
> 
> I understand the anger. Not my style, but I also understand the need for revenge toward AP. But to paint a WS as victim and the AP as predator? Nah. Unless they point a gun to your wife/husband's head, WS is an active participant in their affair. If you can accept this, you can learn to forgive this trait of your WS. If you think WS is just a victim of predatory AP, you basically justify his/her decision to have an affair.


Exactly. And I totally understand wanting revenge toward AP/OM. I get it, 100%...I'd want to bash his fawkin face in. Still, the wife is the one spinning the tale here, and even when she has be caught lying, proof in her face, she STILL deny's and lies. 

You simple can't take her word for it. If fact, you have to assume she's lying.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Tulsy,

Actually, after reading again, I see your point and agree you are correct in saying that the origin of the cheating with the exW allegations may very well have been the WW.

One thing for sure, she is very erratic and unstable in her behavior and actions. She may very well indeed have created this FB contact lie to justify her initial contacts with this POS.

So, I stand corrected. 

There is not conclusive evidence that POS did indeed create and carry out a plan to manipulate OP's WW.

He might just be a run of the mill POS who cannot keep his nose out of another person's M.

OP has not stated if he saw the POS's FB posts alleging his cheating with his own eyes.

If OP saw them himself though when his WW first mentioned them as the instigation of her contact, then everything I have said about POS would indeed be true.

Until OP clarifies this, you are right that we should be wary of assuming POS was underhandedly manipulating the situation based on the word of a lying WW.


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## RyanBingham (Mar 27, 2013)

tulsy said:


> Honestly, I wouldn't dwell too much on the other man right now. Just talk to a lawyer, file for D, and concentrate on yourself.
> 
> At the end of the day, the POS OM didn't cheat on you, your wife did. She's the liar, cheater, trickle-truther, blame-shifting POS that screwed around on you...he's just some a-hole, but she was supposed to be your best friend.
> 
> ...


Words of wisdom here OP. Focus on your exit and the legal battles ahead of you if you are heading towards D. The OM you will need to figure out a plan to expose, but for now she shouldn't be your primary focus unless you want to Reconcile.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Well now she finaly reported the rape to the cops the other night. So now they will investigate it we will see what happens next.i still do not believe that is what happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Wow. She could go to jail if she's lying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

That's on her now we will see what happens. And to answer another persons post no I never seen the messages of him saying I was with his wife my wife said she deleted them because she was trying to get more info on it and did not want me to see it. Bs. Because I know I would have kept those messages to show her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I can't believe she would gamble going to jail just to avoid owning up to her bad behavior. If she is lying, and would have her AP wrongfully charged with rape, and cause him to get locked up, just to cover up her sins...... That is a cold hearted woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

I no that's right . Now she keeps saying if I loved her I would try to work past this she said I maid a mistake that ended in Beeing raped and that's f**ked up I'm not there for her when that happened lol u can imagine what I had to say about that bs I can see she wants to work this out but don't think I can and I have told her that there is certin things I can work past this is not one of them I don't think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

1718 said:


> Well now she finaly reported the rape to the cops the other night. So now they will investigate it we will see what happens next.i still do not believe that is what happened.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How do you know WW reported the rape charges against the OM with the police?

Were you there when she told the cops.


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## 1718 (Sep 19, 2013)

Yes she called in front of me and I answered door when they got there and sat there while she told them everything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

1718 said:


> I no that's right . Now she keeps saying if I loved her I would try to work past this she said *I maid a mistake* that ended in *Beeing raped* and that's f**ked up I'm not there for her when that happened lol u can imagine what I had to say about that bs I can see she wants to work this out but don't think I can and I have told her that there is certin things I can work past this is not one of them I don't think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you know this is strange :

I made a mistake : means she is taking responsibility. it was her choice
being raped : means it wasn't her choice. it was forced.

I think she has conflicting feelings in her head. and she is using this to say it's your fault. that there should tell you she is not remorseful. either way sooner or later the rape situation would come to light and you would know the truth.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

WOw 1718

I am sorry for both of you.

My goal is not to put doubt in your mind but a few years ago there was a thread posted by a BS whose wife came to him and admitted she had sex with a business acquaittance.

She could not remember many of the details of their tryst.

This drove the BS insane. He left his wife, took a temp job in another city and did not talk to his wife for weeks which made her suicidal.

She felt she had been raped.

A fellow poster (cop) made a comment that his wife was responding as if she had been drugged and date raped.

The BS was a lawyer of investigator.

He did his due diligence on the OM and found out that there were other reports of drug induced date rapes with other coworkers and business associates.

Long story short the OM was arrested & convicted on numerous offenses involving drugs and rape.

His wife was not lying.

Your wife put herself in that situation but just maybe she could not get herself out of it.

Listen. Get the truth then make an informed decision.

Good Luck

HM64


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

1718 said:


> Well now she finaly reported the rape to the cops the other night. So now they will investigate it we will see what happens next.i still do not believe that is what happened.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope it's all true, but...


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