# Cornered and complacent



## LongRoadtoRuin (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm sure there must someone else out there that feels this way too. I know that my marriage a function of merely going throught the motions. My husband seems to think he can say whatever to accomplish his given point of view and then do or do nothing as he sees fit. He has a complete disregard what and how this marriage would work. He hates where we live, he hates his job and over 4 months ago he said he would put together his resume so that I could go about affecting a change and possible a move to be near my family. When I asked him about the resume he responded with "I've looked online there's nothing available." we had agreed that I would be a stay at home mom but now it seems as though I owe him for not working outside the home, he wants me to go back to work so he can quit his job and do what I don't know. He recently told me to kiss his ass and that I was an ******* because I wasn't willing to take a job that had me going from a stay at home mom to dropping my son off at school and not being home untill 7pm 5 days a week plus weekend obligations everyother weekend. He has no reguard for how this would affect our son. Our son is boarder line Aspbergers. I have not had him evaluated mostly because I have been very sucessful in teaching him to "rise to the occasion" and he has done well. Though he is an honor roll student, has friends and varied interests, he is far from typical. I have no family here and I cannot just re enter the work force into a job that has me coming home in time to kiss him goodnight and dump him just anywhere for the summer. Never mind the fact that I went out of town to visit my sister and while I was gone he was vocal about how he didn't like all the domestic extras he had to handle and that he greatly missed his ability to come home from work and unwind for a couple of hours drinking while on the phone before his dinner is on the table.

I am very scared to be a single mother so far from any family. I am paralyzed to move in any direction. I don't how long I can continue unless I just set aside any pursuit of personal happiness because if I we separate here I am quite sure he will be dating very soon and though he hates this state, he will have a reason to stay here.

Then there's the whole quit complex he will lay on me, which will be easy to do because you can't tell an 11 yr old the reality of all the vows he's broken along the way.

I think that's all I can bear to get off my chest at the moment.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Are you asking a question or looking for some validation?

It seems to me that you are both a little selfish and self-centered based on what you wrote. A marriage is a union of two people working together for the greater good of the relationship, not two individuals in the pursuit of "personal happiness." There are sacrifices along the way to that happiness, but it should be a give and take on each side, with ideally everyone growing.

My impression, granted there are a lot of details you leave out: You enjoy being a stay at home mom while your husband works. You enjoy spending time and working with your son. You would like to live closer to your family. Your husband works to provide because there is no other household income. He continues at a job he does not enjoy for the sake of your family and is resentful of you spending all of your time at home with your son. 

Do you really communicate with each other? Or is it more one-sided? Do you spend quality time with each other, without your son? (Go on dates, cuddle, have sex?) It sounds like there is a disconnect between the two of you as a couple that needs to be repaired.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

This reminds me of liberals wanting to help kittens and snails and orphans when we are broke. NO SACRIFICE like the rest of us. 

You like it the way it is. He doesnt. Too bad for him. 

I suggest you try to find some way to give some instead of putting it all on him.


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## LongRoadtoRuin (Apr 3, 2013)

Neither C. I have felt more than valid ever since he had an affair, he didn't change his mind or decide he had made a mistake, he stayed because the other woman fell apart at the first instance he had to consider his son...she wasn't going to come before ANYBODY not even his son when his son was sick

I got this....I have givin and forgiving until there there is nothing left. It is my biggest issue to face. That if I don't continue to give and forgive a man who has not loved, honored, respected me, or forsaken all others, then I am the failure, the quitter, on and on and on


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