# HELP husband taking but not giving sexually



## pinkbutterfly (Nov 22, 2015)

Hello, I really need some help. Me and my husband have been married for three years. Our sex life is pretty much I give and he takes which I can understand because it takes me ALOT longer to be satisfied and I'm only really in the mood during ovulation (he has permanent bith control) , so I'm happy to at least meet his needs. I never say no and I do things that I'm not really into but I do for him. Anyway when I initiate sex (which only once a month) is the only time he says no! And I'm fustrated. But if I use a toy on him he's hard and gets off, if he plays with my boobs he gets off. He gets off all the time but after his turn he brings out "I have performance issues" excuse. I think that's BS and I feel like he's just not in me. He's into everything els but just not when I so rarely need it. When I want it i don't take long so i don't know why he would feel pressured. He will offer alternatives but I don't want that. I'm tired of that and I just want a pleasurable time during intercourse. Please can you tell me what may be going on with him? He NEVER has performance issues any other time, it's only when I want it, ask for it and need it


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

pinkbutterfly said:


> ..... He gets off all the time but after his turn he brings out "I have performance issues" excuse. I think that's BS and I feel like he's just not in me.
> 
> .....When I want it i don't take long so i don't know why he would feel pressured. He will offer alternatives but I don't want that.
> 
> ...



First off, sit down with you H and not near a time when you think that the two of you will be having sex later that day or not right after you feel disappointed. In fact it would be best to sit down with him and tell him you want to schedule a time when you can talk about your sex life.

When you do, really listen to him. For whatever crazy reason he may feel performance pressure issues when you want initiate. 

If he does, he should grow up, but it may be his reality that he will need to work through. 

Find out if there are any ways the two of you can compromise on what you do so that you will each get what you need.

If you can't reach a compromise, or he is unwilling to talk about it, then ask him to go with you to a marriage counselor.

Good luck.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

As stated above, it's a good idea to sit down with him and talk about this. Make sure this conversation is not in the bedroom or right before/after you've had sex. Clearly explain how you feel and then listen to his response. Look for ways to make sure both of you can be happy. 

If he is unwilling to listen, talk about the issue, or compromise, then show him that you mean what you said and stop pleasing him. Don't let him play with your breasts, don't use a toy on him, etc. If he is unwilling to make sure you are pleased, then you can do the same for him. Maybe then he can get the picture if talking about it didn't work. 

Hope you two can work things out.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Couple of things that may help...

*• Men have a refractory period after an orgasm.*

If you have recently had sex, and/or he has masturbated, it will be difficult for him to get aroused or easily achieve an orgasm. Generally speaking many men _overstimulate_ themselves with porn and masturbation without a spouse being aware, and any respective attempt for the wife to initiate will come across as if the husband has ED. Generally speaking you want to allow at least two days since his last orgasm in order for him to become responsive to you when you initiate. Make sure he is aware of this request and that he does not run off to masturbate by coincidence when it is the one time you want it.

*• While most men do not admit to it, we often think about sex all day long.*

Once you husband initiates, odds are he has been wanting you for at least two days and he has reached a critical point in desire where he can no longer keep himself off of you. If this is the case, pretty much anything will get him off, even thwacking at his penis with a magazine while planning your next tax return. So if you try to initiate and expect him to react with the same level of arousal on demand, you are simply being unrealistic. 

*• While women are generally labeled with mostly having a responsive desire, men are capable of just the same.*

If he is not in the mood, and you decide to SHARE your level of arousal with him in a playful and confident way, he will eventually respond. It may take an hour of foreplay, but you can get him there. One example is to begin masturbating in front of him, show him how much you enjoy it, and tell him that he can't have any. If he enjoys it, threaten to tie him up so that he knows he can't have you and tell him that he can only watch. The more confident you are about enjoying your arousal in front of him will you will eventually get him to....well.....you know....










And then he will beg you to do it again!










Cheers, 
Badsanta


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