# Forgiveness Key To Letting Go



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

All of these months crying, re-hashing, owning my part in the dissolution of the marriage, seeing his part, anger, depression, loss and I asked for forgiveness a month and a half ago of my stbxh and he told me he isn't sure what forgiveness is.

Well, I know what it is. I have been praying for him for a month and half now each night because I was advised to. This didn't sit well with me but I did it because I wanted to feel better and I would do anything to get out of the pain.

But funny enough, it never occurred to me that I needed to forgive him. Just occurred today. And I said ah hah, that is the key to letting go and really moving on. Forgiving him. So I now am in the process (the very beginning) of forgiving. 

I just say it when I start thinking about him. So simple, I forgive you. That's it. I don't add a bunch of stuff after it. Just keeping it very simple.

I forgive you.


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## MyTwoGirls (May 31, 2011)

Sparkles..that is something I have learned (forgiving) only recently..I wondered why it was taking so long to get past the pain I was experiencing on a daily basis, then it hit me (that and reading) that maybe it was me holding myself back..like you it started with a simple "I forgive her" at first it was only a thought or a quiet phrase I would say it to myself, but then it started to have a positive effect on me and yes it was very slow but positive effect none the less..It now allows me to be able to go to her and her new guys house and pick up my daughters ( I still havent reached the point of talking to her) but before I dreaded the angst of even hearing her name..It may sound simple but it does work or at least it seems to be working..I believe if you at least try to mean it then it will eventually become a reality..It has also broadened my own view of people in general..I never was a person who prayed but that also seems to help with the forgiving process..if I can forgive myself and her for our failed marriage I know I can do anything..great post hearing about the positive side of forgiving.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Me too, every morning and night I include my stupid H in my prayers. I truly do wish him well, and hope that he can find happiness for himself. It is very freeing to understand that this thing happened, but it will not destroy us.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

I say a prayer for H at night too. He needs it. 
I also pray for strength to make it through the next day. 
Ive been working on forgiveness but I'm not there yet.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

LOLOL @ CD ;o)


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I can not and will not do this at that point.The reason- I believe I will set myself up and by forgiving him I will justify what he did to me and will keep my love for him.I want the love to die 1st before I start the process of forgiving.
For me I know I have to wait.

I am saying this because this is what I did for months when he separated,tried hard to forget and forgive so when we reconcile I can be with him.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

At the moment I cannot imagine forgiveness. Not only frommy point of view, but also for what he has done to the rest of the family. I actually keep wishing everything would go wrong for him, or at least something! He always seems to get away with everything, which makes him think he can do these things and it will be ok.

A friend of mine said (she is a psychiatric nurse). Instead of wishing him ill, wouldn't it be better if you get through this and come out the otherside knowing that you are worth more that you did all you could, and you have a future. Where as he has learnt nothing, and will always move on from situation to situation, never being content. That is the closest thought I have at the moment, which does not actually wish him harm.

I wish all you guys well, and hope to be at that point soon. I guess it takes some work and visualization.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I know by forgiving that I am the big time winner in it. This will move me beyond the pain: an understanding of what occurred and the biggie, let's face it: ACCEPTANCE.

See I want to move on with my life and I have a choice, yes we have a choice:

Stagnation or Growth

I choose me and these are the steps to get there: feeling your feelings, working through them, understanding your part and forgiveness for yourself and the other party.

You and I will know when we are ready to move on. Forgiveness is key. Just pick it up and open the door, you will be freed. It's not an overnight sensation, but by praying for the person becomes part of the process and saying I forgive you.


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

I know forgiveness is apart of moving on and healing which I will do someday. I don't want to carry the weight or burden of this with me. Letting go of a marriage when someone just walked awsy like this never exisited is hard. I will get their and work on forgiving myself in the process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

vivea said:


> I can not and will not do this at that point. The reason - I believe I will set myself up and by forgiving him I will justify what he did to me and will keep my love for him. I want the love to die 1st before I start the process of forgiving.


IMO, forgiving does not mean justification. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. Forgiving simply means accepting what happened, and choosing not to hurt that person in response (let it go). What you are doing is letting go of your resentment. 

Be careful about waiting for the love to die before you forgive. The love may never die. I doubt I will ever stop loving my wife. But I know our marriage is over and I need to move on with my life. So I will accept the end of my marriage, I will forgive me and her in order to let go of all resentment, and I will move on and build a new life without her in it.


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## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

troy said:


> IMO, forgiving does not mean justification. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. Forgiving simply means accepting what happened, and choosing not to hurt that person in response (let it go). What you are doing is letting go of your resentment.
> 
> Troy, I agree. Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget - it just means you let go. You try to move on. So much easier said than done but necessary. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent (to quote E Roosevelt)... and by dwelling on the negative we give our ex's permission to make us feel inferior.
> 
> I sometimes think too that what you put "out there" comes back to you like a boomerang. If you put out negativity and hate you get it back in spades. If you think positively then (hopefully) positive things happen to you. Fingers crossed for all of us that we are able to give and receive love again


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