# my bullying wife



## countryroads (Jan 15, 2011)

Hey,
I am crumbling from the inside out ....my inner emotions, zest and spark for life is being sucked out of me piece by piece more each day by my wife who's turned from once being my best friend = into a bullying antagonist who goes way to far then she's realising with her venomous words or hostile aura she infects to our home and everyday. 
So When did this start?.... predominantly when our miracle baby came. 
What are her boundaries?... - absolutely none :-(.. unless it's permissible for ones wife to threaten suicide during a row not going her way...
Or more recent... to throw my mother out of our home since feeling disgusted seeing my mother playing proudly with her grandson... Meanwhile the disgust feeling within my wife comes as consequent to a recent situation where my mum once spoke up in defence of me (as her son that she raised and knows my selflessness and endless devotion of love and adore I have towards my family and undertaking to be the best husband I could be to a wife… and also strive to be the best dad in the world for the best son and miracle g-d could give).

I am lost, low, and don't know how much further strength I have left in me to endure this any-more.

I would be so thankful to hear any advice or direction anyone who reads this and feels kind enough to reply or share some wisdom.

Thanks...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

For people who are bullies, the only thing you do is to be strong and not let them do any thing to hurt you anymore. 

She feels she has the right to act insane, no, she doesn't! 

Are you the bread winner? 

Next time if she throws your mother out, you throw her out! 

Tough people need to be dealt with tough way. 

People who don't respect others don't deserve respect from others. 

People who don't love others don't deserve love from others!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

How long has it been since your baby was born? If your wife threatened suicide, it's most likely a sign of postpartum depression and not a sign of her bullying you. Has she been screened for depression or some other form of mental illness? This is unfortunately pretty common after the hormonal changes associated with birth. If she hasn't been checked yet I would strongly suggest it, as it could be an illness rather than her being cruel to you (even if it doesn't seem that way).

What is the situation with your mother? Did she live in your house with you and your wife permanently, or was she just visiting? If she was living with you permanently, then I think you wife throwing her out was a sign that there was a problem with that situation. I personally would NEVER, ever, ever in a million years want my in-laws or my own parents living with me. That is my own opinion though, and I realize that it's different for different families. However, it could be that your wife didn't want your mother living with the two of you and the baby was just an excuse for her to finally express her dislike of the situation.

If, on the other hand, your mom was just visiting, then I would interpret your wife's actions as either 1. really mean or 2. a sign that she is experiencing some form of anxiety or depression associated with the birth or with breastfeeding/sleep deprivation/all the other stuff that goes along with being a new mom.

Either way, I am sorry for your difficult situation! I definitely recommend getting your wife to a doctor and/or a counselor because it sounds like she is experiencing some changes that aren't consistent with who she is as a person.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Your basic problem is that you are too nice and being weak towards her, so she's steamrollering you every which way. My hunch is that you act like her prey and she's started playing the predator. Women really don't respond well to their men being weak towards them.

But if she's threatening suicide it's starting to all get out of hand. I would frame the situation as she is beginning to be unsafe and threatening self-harm. Most states have the 2-1-1 number as a way to contact mobile crisis unit, or seek a behavioral health contact. It may be as simple as postpartum depression causing much of this.

In short, people that threaten suicide shouldn't be left in charge of babies until such time as they are mentally well again. She's probably just bluffing, but maybe call her bluff and see what happens.

There seems a reasonable possiblity that she will call the police and lie that you hit her in the near future though. So caution is advised. I would make the first move on contacting any outside authority before she does. Usually the first mover frames the problem and goes a long way towards determining the final outcome.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I think what stands out the most is that the behavior started after the birth of your child. Seems to suggest a connection. She needs a full medical and psychological evaluation, ASAP.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

The more important question is, What are your boundaries? What's it going to take before you say, enough! You need to deal with this now before the baby gets older. 

Go to a dr. she maybe a bully then again it maybe a medical issue. Either way it needs to be dealt with.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Yes, I agree with the postpartum depression. She really should have that checked out. Also, maybe a chemical imbalance?


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Post natal depression, pure and simple. she needs professional help and it is simpler to deal with than full blown depression. man up, fear not, and get her to the doc for some much needed help come hell or high water!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

As much as she sounds awful I'm leaning towards PPD. She needs professional help. I doubt she could stop it even if she wanted to.

Could be wrong I mean has she always been like this or was the baby the trigger?


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I agree with the previous posters that she needs to be checked by her doctor. If this is new behavior for your wife and only started after the birth of the baby then it could be postpardum depression or psychosis. 

Here are symptoms of postpartum depression.

Depressed mood-tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.
Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.
Appetite and weight change-usually a drop in appetite and weight, but sometimes the opposite.
Sleep problems-usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.
Noticeable change in how you walk and talk-usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.
Extreme fatigue or loss of energy.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.
Thoughts about death or suicide. Some women with PPD have fleeting, frightening thoughts of harming their babies: these thoughts tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm

And the symptoms of psychosis, 

Feeling removed from your baby, other people, and your surroundings (depersonalization).
Disturbed sleep, even when your baby is sleeping.
Extremely confused and disorganized thinking, increasing your risk of harming yourself, your baby, or another person.2
Drastically changing moods and bizarre behavior.
Extreme agitation or restlessness.
Unusual hallucinations, often involving sight, smell, hearing, or touch.
Delusional thinking that isn't based in reality.

Postpartum psychosis is considered an emergency requiring immediate medical treatment. If you have any psychotic symptoms, seek emergency help immediately. Until you tell your doctor and get treatment, you are at high risk of suddenly harming yourself or your baby.

Postpartum Depression Symptoms: PPD, Baby Blues, and Postpartum Psychosis


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

As a lifetime suffer-er of depression psychosis, I can tell you that the list above is fairly accurate. In severe cases the patient is prone to delusions and differing degrees of schizophrenic behavior.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Seems like women are given so many passes for bad behavior. Sit down with her and discuss this rationally and respectfully with her. Explain that you want to help her get better but that her abuse will not be tolerated. 

My wife and I separated because of her abuse but I see her frequently because we have a two year old. If she opens her mouth and disrespects me I end the conversation right there. If she starts being nasty on the phone I hang up. 

Our relationship is better but we are not going back together since she refuses to seek help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It can border on a loserish rant, but we are taught to be strong and supportive.

Yet, because humans are extreme creatures, we internalize that instruction as "putting up with it".

So, we don't want to pressure our goddesses.

Of course, they know they're not goddesses and lose respect for us for thinking so.

On with the fitness tests.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You really need to act now. Call her OB-GYN and describe the changes. This puts things in the doctor's hands, and you are triggering a professional support system. The suicide threat must be taken seriously, because that is the only appropriate way to respond to such threats. Remember, if she is suffering from PPD (which seems pretty obvious to a lot of us), she will not be thinking clearly--she may be a danger to the baby. I know you do not want to hear this and it is really scary, but remember that it may not be as bad as it sounds and you just have to act like it IS--because you don't know.

The doctor will probably tell you to take her to an ER or the doctor will have to call the police and report the threat, in which case they would show up at her door and take her. Obviously, taking her yourself is the best option. The ER will assess her risk and her overall medical condition (including mental health) and will make a recommendation. 

By taking action, you relieve some of the terrifying sense of responsibility your wife is probably feeling--for some women, it is so scary to be responsible for a new life. This is part of the PPD. But the bizarre shift in her behavior and the extreme nature of her threat are cries for help--although she may not admit or even realize this. So answer that cry. Call in the troops--a good friend of hers, a sister, someone who can take a few days just to be there as you, her medical team, and your wife work through this challenge. Remember that sleep deprivation alone can cause psychosis, too. God bless, and please let us know how things go.

FYI: I've been in the situation with a spouse/ex threatening suicide. I did what I recommend, and it was the best thing I ever did. I felt so much better that I was not alone in the problem, and I also let my spouse/ex know that he could not manipulate me. Remember that no matter what, all you can do is get her to help--you cannot make her accept it, use it, or benefit from it. You have a child to protect now, and that must be your first responsibility.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> As a lifetime suffer-er of depression psychosis, I can tell you that the list above is fairly accurate. In severe cases the patient is prone to delusions and differing degrees of schizophrenic behavior.


I think this is it, your wife seems to be suffering from postpartum depression that may have psychotic components. She may be a danger to herself and to the baby. Even if she seems devoted to the child she can still harbor the feelings that the child would be better off dead because she is not a good mother. 

You have an emergency on your hands that requires quick and decisive action. Speak to her doctor, get her family involved, don't leave her alone with the baby. Do this ASAP. Any woman who is postpartum and exhibits personality changes should be evaluated for depression. The threat of suicide and the unreasonable nature of her behavior is a very bad sign. 

BTW - I take issue with thinking that a womans behavior towards her husband always requires him to put her in her place. After considering all possible reasons for the behavior, a man may come to that conclusion but to default to keeping the woman in line mentality i believe is rigid and dysfunctional. Sometimes the problem has not so much to do with the man as is does with a serous problem in the woman. A flexible, unbiased approach is far more successful at problem solving. A person who is overly self-referring must be very difficult to live with, everything is about them and their need to control. 

Take care of your wife and child they need you to act with confidence to help them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I think this is it, your wife seems to be suffering from postpartum depression that may have psychotic components. She may be a danger to herself and to the baby. Even if she seems devoted to the child she can still harbor the feelings that the child would be better off dead because she is not a good mother.
> 
> You have an emergency on your hands that requires quick and decisive action. Speak to her doctor, get her family involved, don't leave her alone with the baby. Do this ASAP. Any woman who is postpartum and exhibits personality changes should be evaluated for depression. The threat of suicide and the unreasonable nature of her behavior is a very bad sign.
> 
> ...


If it weren't so pervasive, maybe it wouldn't be referred to as often.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Conrad said:


> If it weren't so pervasive, maybe it wouldn't be referred to as often.


Yes it is common but to get it wrong can be fatal as this posters situation illustrates. A little common sense reflection takes a few mins. only. 

I was referring to another post not yours Conrad. The poster seems to regard relationships as adversarial and a fight for ascendancy. This must be an unpleasant way to live.. It seems that behavior is relegated to descret boxes with no left over prices. I always see left over pieces, again I may be wrong but, I think it is a bad idea to live life according to a formula. 1+1 rarely equals 2 in real life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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