# More and more the D word is popping up in my mind.



## JustwantPeace87 (Nov 14, 2020)

Hello I’m new here and have been married almost 9yrs and together 16 years. Things were wonderful for the most part till our 5th yr married, I started finding him looking up escorts and the most recent he actually contacted one in April but it never went anywhere because he passed out while I was up with our two autistic kids. I don’t sleep much because my kids are hyperactive waking all through the night so we don’t sleep together anymore, we do have sex but only when I ask for it. He started hitting me only if I get very mouthy with him calling him a name he hates while fighting, he doesn’t bruise me only a hard slap in the face. Today I was making homemade tomato sauce from the tomatoes I grew from my our garden, he kept trying to say I was doing something wrong and I got pissed because I told him before if he was gonna criticize just do it himself but he insisted I do it since the garden is mostly my baby! Anyway I mouthed him he smacked me and then dumped my whole pot of sauce ((( that hurt me emotionally more than the smacking. I want to leave him but don’t know how since I am a sahm with no prior education and two children on the sprectrum, and he makes all the money actually decent money. Has anyone ever been in my situation? Where did you start. Ty


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You need to leave this marriage ASAP. 

You're not only married to a cheater (and don't believe for one minute that he hasn't gone through with it), but he's also mentally and physically abusive. It also sounds like he doesn't help out with the kids nearly enough, if at all. 

You have no reasons to stay and plenty of reasons to leave. Not only for yourself but also for your children. Is this the sort of treatment you want your daughter to accept in the future? Is this the way you want your son to treat a partner in the future? No? Then stop teaching them to do it! You need to teach your children that this is NOT normal and it is NOT okay. You act like him hitting you isn't a big deal... but it is. It doesn't matter how hard or what you did. Hitting you is never acceptable and never your fault. 

You need to start planning how you can leave this man. You can start putting away money (if you do the grocery shopping, get cashback each time - things like that). There are services available to help you, and to help with raising children with autism. If you divorce your husband is still responsible for child support and alimony - especially with you being a SAHM to disabled children. You can call the police the next time he lays a hand on you and get him out of the house and create a paper trail of his abuse. 

Do you have family or friends who can help you? And don't just assume they wouldn't, most people will help a friend/family member in need even if it's embarrassing for you to ask. 

I'd also suggest removing that profile picture. Forums are anonymous for a reason.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

JustwantPeace87 said:


> Hello I’m new here and have been married almost 9yrs and together 16 years. Things were wonderful for the most part till our 5th yr married, I started finding him looking up escorts and the most recent he actually contacted one in April but it never went anywhere because he passed out while I was up with our two autistic kids. I don’t sleep much because my kids are hyperactive waking all through the night so we don’t sleep together anymore, we do have sex but only when I ask for it. He started hitting me only if I get very mouthy with him calling him a name he hates while fighting, he doesn’t bruise me only a hard slap in the face. Today I was making homemade tomato sauce from the tomatoes I grew from my our garden, he kept trying to say I was doing something wrong and I got pissed because I told him before if he was gonna criticize just do it himself but he insisted I do it since the garden is mostly my baby! Anyway I mouthed him he smacked me and then dumped my whole pot of sauce ((( that hurt me emotionally more than the smacking. I want to leave him but don’t know how since I am a sahm with no prior education and two children on the sprectrum, and he makes all the money actually decent money. Has anyone ever been in my situation? Where did you start. Ty


How you do it as you go get an attorney and he has to pay child support. And he has to pay for the attorney if he's the only one with money. If he's violent I don't know that he'll be able to get any custody of the children. You just need to call a family law attorney and get away from this jerk. There are some domestic violence hotlines you can call that will tell you any resources nearby that might be able to help. Obviously would help if you had friends or family to go to.

He sounds really bad. And you're having to do it all yourself. Please just go get an attorney. Don't let him talk you into mediation or sharing his attorney.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

bobert said:


> I'd also suggest removing that profile picture. Forums are anonymous for a reason.


Please follow this advice.

The risk is not just that someone you know might stumble across your posts and recognize you.

The risk is also that some complete stranger could use free publicly available tools to recognize your face or photo. Those things exist — both the tools and the creeps that would use them.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

1-800-799-7233 is the national abuse hotline in the US. Please call it from a safe phone line.









National Domestic Violence Hotline


24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.




www.thehotline.org


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

JustwantPeace87 said:


> Hello I’m new here and have been married almost 9yrs and together 16 years. Things were wonderful for the most part till our 5th yr married, I started finding him looking up escorts and the most recent he actually contacted one in April but it never went anywhere because he passed out while I was up with our two autistic kids. I don’t sleep much because my kids are hyperactive waking all through the night so we don’t sleep together anymore, we do have sex but only when I ask for it. *He started hitting me *only if I get very mouthy with him calling him a name he hates while fighting, he doesn’t bruise me only a hard slap in the face. Today I was making homemade tomato sauce from the tomatoes I grew from my our garden, he kept trying to say I was doing something wrong and I got pissed because I told him before if he was gonna criticize just do it himself but he insisted I do it since the garden is mostly my baby! Anyway I mouthed him he smacked me and then dumped my whole pot of sauce ((( that hurt me emotionally more than the smacking. I want to leave him but don’t know how since I am a sahm with no prior education and two children on the sprectrum, and he makes all the money actually decent money. Has anyone ever been in my situation? Where did you start. Ty


Whoa!! You need to leave NOW. Nothing you did, said or didn't do or didn't say made him do that. He hits you because he's a bully and a thug. End of story.

Please get out of there, with the children asap and make a new life for yourself and your children. And next time he hits you, call the police - they'll haul his arse right outta that house.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

For heaven's sake please don't post a picture of your child in the profile picture.

You need to leave your husband he is not a good man.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

you need to get away from this abuser. Not only is he bad for you but it is bad for your kids to be around this. Is there any charity or organisation that help abused women in your town?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

First of all you need to report this POS to the police and have him removed from the home (that doesn't mean he stops paying for things). Second, if he wants access to the kids he will need to apply for it since he is an abuser and is a danger to them too.

When a man hits you once that should be the last time he gets to do that and should be arrested immediately. Please do not hesitate with this. There is no love here, that is for sure.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

First and foremost you need to change your icon photo.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It is indeed time to D.

Hang in there.


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## Lakesparrow (Mar 17, 2019)

JustwantPeace87 said:


> Hello I’m new here and have been married almost 9yrs and together 16 years. Things were wonderful for the most part till our 5th yr married, I started finding him looking up escorts and the most recent he actually contacted one in April but it never went anywhere because he passed out while I was up with our two autistic kids. I don’t sleep much because my kids are hyperactive waking all through the night so we don’t sleep together anymore, we do have sex but only when I ask for it. He started hitting me only if I get very mouthy with him calling him a name he hates while fighting, he doesn’t bruise me only a hard slap in the face. Today I was making homemade tomato sauce from the tomatoes I grew from my our garden, he kept trying to say I was doing something wrong and I got pissed because I told him before if he was gonna criticize just do it himself but he insisted I do it since the garden is mostly my baby! Anyway I mouthed him he smacked me and then dumped my whole pot of sauce ((( that hurt me emotionally more than the smacking. I want to leave him but don’t know how since I am a sahm with no prior education and two children on the sprectrum, and he makes all the money actually decent money. Has anyone ever been in my situation? Where did you start. Ty


Ok sweetie if my husband laid a hand on me I'd have a restraining order tout sweet but if he dumped my home grown tomato sauce I'd load my 30-30 and escort his ass out of the house. He'd be eating Ragu at his mom's place For Life. 

That said autistic kids can really pick up on violence, be triggered, learn behaviors and get PTSD. I worked in residential care with a few hundred kids over the years. If you don't structure a healthy environment your kids will suffer the behavioral consequences. 

Don't beat yourself up for at least having a meeting w a lawyer and getting your ducks in a row. And try to catch a video of him hitting you. Or at least a recording. Be smart about it and don't get caught. Hide the recording or email it to a friend you trust and erase the tracks.

Be safe. Nobody should be smacking you ever ever ever ever.


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