# Need ladies input.



## Trying2getitRIGHT (Mar 7, 2017)

Im a 38 year old male. My wife and I have been married since October 2014, but have been together since September of 2012. Im a 6ft 2 260lb good looking guy. I used to be a beta male with my wife, used to hover and orbit her trying to make her happy, only to find out I could NEVER satisfy her. So I became a member on here. I got some great help on here and got connected to some great books. The married man sex life primer, and no more mr nice guy have completely transformed me. I am now a more balanced male between alpha and beta male. However, not all is great. I am struggling to find the balance between the two. I did lose 60 lbs in the last 3 months and that really seemed to help. For a while my new Alpha male and lost weight was making a huge difference in our marriage. She became more affectionate and sweet. I would still say she is better, she does not get pissed at me much at all anymore, and speaks sweeter to me. However, I feel like she plays games with me....Hot and Cold games. She will be super sweet and physically touchy, and then retreat. She comes from a rough upbringing. Her real dad was in and out of prison, and her step dad tried to touch her. I feel like maybe a lot of the intimacy issues (closeness or lack of) stem from that. She is very affectionate with our kids, and almost acts as if I have been replaced by them. She has always accommodated me sexually, never says no to me. I am very thankful for that, but intimacy is more than lying down for someone or talking nice. I desperately want intimacy in my marriage, and in the beginning we had that, once we had kids together it has been lost. She is a stay at home mom, and we have 7 kids between the two of us, two are ours together. I don't know if it is even possible to advance the marriage any further or not, or if this is as good as it gets. I think she is very guarded, and thats why she cannot share intimacy with me. The kids are a safe bet, they will always be her kids. Ive lost 60 lbs and look pretty good, she is pretty heavy and her weight bothers her a lot. So I don't know what all is laying into us, maybe the weight, the being guarded, the kids etc. I am trying to balance the beta and alpha thing because I have swung at times to alpha where I am distant and she has to come to me. She did not like that, and it upset her a lot. She feels very insecure about her weight and the fact that I've lost so much, but will that affect intimacy? I feel like I have plateaued and need help. BTW I help out a lot with the kids and around the house, so Ive got that covered. Thank you in advance.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Keep working on yourself and don't worry about her. It's doubtful things will get better, so start preparing to split up and find someone better. Once she realizes you are serious about leaving her, then maybe she'll change her ways and want your **** every day. You have to be willing to let her go. This is your only hope of getting her back.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ugh...7 kids all together? She's a better woman than I because I'd NEVER sign up for that.

She's basically running a 24-hour daycare with a litter of children and you're wondering why she's LESS than excited about sex? *Seriously*?

Her job doesn't END at 6pm like yours does. Nor does she have weekends off like you. And she doesn't get holidays off or 2 weeks vacation a year like you. Her entire *life *is defined by a ton of children so how easy could it possibly be for her to just turn off 'mother mode' - like a light switch - and become some kind of sex kitten for you at 10pm? Not very likely.


> It's doubtful things will get better, so start preparing to split up and find someone better.


LMAO. I'm SO sure you're just dying to take on all your bio kids every other weekend all by yourself, once you 'divorce.' And I'm equally sure there are lots of women out there just itching for the opportunity to be a step-mom to a gaggle of kids from a couple of different mothers.

Not.

You need to start making some alone time for just you and her. It doesn't have to lead t sex and shouldn't. It should just be a little window of time where you re-connect as adults. She's allowed herself to become a 'mom' and has forgotten she's a woman FIRST. That's a common mistake some women make.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yikes, I had two kids and I thought they drove me mad. I can't I'magine 7 kids, boy I would have had to be put in Bedlam. 

You said she never say no to your sexual advance but my guess it's not the hot passionate sex you are looking for? 

Look, with 7 kids this lady has motherhood on her mind 24/7. It's kinda hard to be passionate when someone always wants something from you. 

If she is not saying no to sex, while you have her with you how about trying to woo her and take care of her in bed. Get her responsive desire going and try to introduce small things that you would like and see how she reacts to that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When you lost all that weight she gained pounds of insecurity.

When the warm weather comes to your area take long walks in the park.... with all the kids.

YOU do the grocery shopping. Uh, no that won't work. Go with her when she shops.

No goodies, no cookies, pie, chips, soda. Help her lose weight. Once a week, take the whole brood to the ice cream store. Let them get their sugar fix. The rest of the week...NO!

Cut back on pasta, and help her with serving sizes. No second helpings. Leftover food does not have to eaten by her or any other chubby family members.

Take charge of her weight. Do it lovingly. Tell her that you love her big or small. Tell her that you want her around for a long time. Being heavy is hard on the heart.


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