# How To? Need Help....



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

How do you guys handle the parenting while separated?....
I'm a little frustrated and here's my scenario....

We have 3 children 8, 4, 1 and half and I'm 7 months pregnant with our 4th....

We are waiting to have our first appt with a therapist and trying to figure some things out...

He feels that we should not live together while we hash some of our issues out with a therapist first and I feel like I need my partner here right now more than anything.
I work full time and am this close to being put on bedrest with my gestational diabetes and need help and to be loved and be told everything will be ok.... (i'm a bit emotional right now lol)

He works a part time job in the evening and goes to school at the moment during the other evenings....but full time job will be starting soon and semester at school is almost over.

He feels that while he lives apart he will pay for the childcare which equates to $600/month (cheap neighbor who is awesome).

However during that time- I will cover all other financial responsibilities and get kids up and outta house...
I am also supposed to do every evening and every other weekend as well if not all of them as he does not currently have a place for the kids to sleep on weekends. I even offered my home to him on his weekends without me here (which he turned down).

I am frustrated and wondering if it's just me?

Does this seem fair?

I asked him so what about during the week? You get to come home after working a full day and have your own free time in evening? And every other weekend. He says "yes... what am I supposed to do? Come here to your house? It's my free time and you can't impose on it." He says it's a jealousy thing and says well it's unreasonable for him to have to pay for childcare then if he takes them for a bit on evening weekends...I feel it's unfair.

I'm sure there are others out there dealing with the same schtick....any input? Is it unfair or realistic.....is it the typical male thing to do? am I being irrational and should suck it up?

I need advice.:scratchhead:


----------



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

and p.s.- he just sent me a message about trying to control him even if we aren't together.....

I didn't make these babies by myself.....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with you that you need him now. Separations are usually just an excuse to do things that the person wanting them does not want their spouse to know about.

Is he willing to take the children 50% of the time? Or is he putting all the responisibility on you?


Do you have disability for income while you are on bed rest?

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. How terrible!


----------



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

I do have some time and disability through work set up just in case.

He says that if he has time he will come and get the children during some week evenings but he'll be damned if I tell him what set days and times....says i'm trying to control him.

I said i'm just asking...he assumes i'm trying to make him come here.

I only brought it up because I see what other people do with their children and it seems to me really unfair that I take on all responsibility other than his every other weekend- especially while pregnant.

He makes me out to be this bad guy and all I want is a little fairness but he tries to flip it back like i'm being unreasonable and controlling..... and then I start to question myself cause he puts all this in my head....
I just now even tried to explain that I'm not demanding and just questioning about what we should do.
his retort was nuhuh you're trying to tell me what to do and im not effing doing that.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

He's being a little b!tch and wants to do as he pleases when he pleases. NO child custody agreement has a revolving door policy, if he is not willing to SET DAYS to take care of HIS CHILDREN I highly suggest you get yourself an attorney or tell him you guys are going to mediation.

Also, who gives a crap 'what he thinks of you', he's going to pout and cry like a baby until he gets his way .. like a baby. I hate little boys who try to pretend they are fathers when it suits them, which is why my response comes out somewhat aggravated. 

If he is unwilling to support you, then you make the legal system into it.


----------



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

thanks guys, he makes me feel like i'm some crazy unreasonable *****.
all I wanted to do was set some boundaries for what we do while seeing a therapist such as no phone calls to chit chat, what days for kids ect...
I get this reaction from him and then I self doubt.

for more info...we are not married legally but have been with each other for 12 years and have 4 kids (one on the way).

I don't know what legal help there is for someone in my position?


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

DisappointedAgain said:


> thanks guys, he makes me feel like i'm some crazy unreasonable *****.
> all I wanted to do was set some boundaries for what we do while seeing a therapist such as no phone calls to chit chat, what days for kids ect...
> I get this reaction from him and then I self doubt.
> 
> ...



Plenty....Tell him to come up with a fair and equitable parenting plan or you will get one thru an attorney. Listening to him makes me think the attorney is your only way to go.

him not wanting a set schedule is laughable.


----------



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

I know I have some research to do as far as attorney's ....i'm not even sure where to start? I wonder if there is a specific type that deal with unmarried couples and children as far as getting one on my own....back in the day we had to deal with friend of the court in downtown Detroit and that system just seems laughable and overextended as far as dealing with proceedings quickly.
I have a feeling counseling will still not help (I know this sounds bad) and need to cover my own arse. I feel as if maybe I should spare the expense and heartache and move on as this person seems to blame me for everything no matter what....and I don't know if I can go through that while pregnant and having issues.
a lot of pain that I myself don't know if I can recover from.
and i'm the type to keep things civil and easier so that the kids don't have to go through too much but this time I just can't let him walk all over me as far as child support and free time.
I'm seriously worn out from thinking about it.


----------



## DisappointedAgain (Apr 6, 2013)

and dear god do I feel alone and scared but I know i'm strong and will figure it all out, I have before when he left.....and I still can't believe I let him come back and now have another child on the way.
For them I remain hopeful but in the back of my head I doubt.


----------

