# My wife is Bi Sexual



## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

Hello All,

Firstly I am new here so please be nice.
Well I have been married for over 18 years and been with the same woman for 22 years.
Early in our relationship she spoke about a women who she claimed she had been with but I thought nothing of it.
Now she is seeing another women and having sex with her (toys, dildo's etc).
Im not sure how I should take this.
I feel very upset and like I can not please her enough so she needs more.
I told her I was worried about the spread of std's and aids.
Im not sure what to do and how to accept this.
Any advice would be great but please be constructive.

Thanks


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Your wife is having an affair. The fact that it's with another woman is irrelevant - she is cheating on you.

What are you going to do about that?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Yep, yep. Either she is having an affair, or you gave her a hall pass. Either way, this new woman represents a threat to your marriage. The longer your wife spends time and has sex with her, the more the bond they share will deepen. Who knows, it may surpass your bond with your wife. All bonds are not created equally. There is a moderate chance that your wife could leave you for this other woman. We do not even love our children the same, although we are good at lying to ourselves.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She is indeed cheating on you. And she doesn't even have the decency to bring her home for a threesome.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Well what do you want to do here. Without your consent this is cheating


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

The Confused One said:


> Hello All,
> 
> Firstly I am new here so please be nice.
> Well I have been married for over 18 years and been with the same woman for 22 years.
> ...


How about now? Any idea how you would feel if it was another man? Because there's no difference between a spouse cheating with a same sex partner or an opposite sex partner, it's cheating either way.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> She is indeed cheating on you. And she doesn't even have the decency to bring her home for a threesome.


:rofl:


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> How about now? Any idea how you would feel if it was another man? Because there's no difference between a spouse cheating with a same sex partner or an opposite sex partner, it's cheating either way.



For some reason, some men do not feel threatened as much when their wife sleeps with another woman. Some have this weird notion that their wife will never leave them. Which is a strange concept considering his wife and the ow are forming a bond, and who says they cannot fall in love. I have seen bisexual men leave their wife for their bf, and I have seen wives leave their husbands for their gf. Usually to the bisexual person, the gender does not matter as much, it is the relationship that is more rewarding that is often chosen.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

The Confused One said:


> Now she is seeing another women and having sex with her (toys, dildo's etc).
> Im not sure how I should take this.


 Bisexuals do not get to have one sexual partner of one sex and another sexual partner of another sex. When bisexuals get married, their commitment to be faithful to their spouse is the same as for heterosexual. Remember the "forsaking all others as long as you both shall live" part of your marriage vows, well she does not. If she is having sex with someone other than you (male or female), then she is cheating. She is in an affair with this other woman plain and simple.

You should file for divorce the same as if it was another man, because she is being unfaithful to you and her marriage. If she begs for forgiveness, agrees to go full no contact (NC) with her lover, and agrees to full transparency which includes all passwords, then and only then should you decide if you want to give this cheater another chance.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

As a bisexual woman, this makes me sick. Being with a woman is just the same as being with a man for a bisexual person. She is cheating on you if she doesn't have your consent.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BTW, please ask a mod to move this thread to the Infidelity section of this forum where you can have knowledgeable people there give you the advice that you need.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Can you give us more information? How did this all start, did you give her consent or did she just confess one day that she was having sex with a woman? Maybe she doesn't know you know? They are lots of ways this could have played out.


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

My bisexual friend is doing the exact same thing. Before she got married she told her husband she likes to sleep with girls. He was like "oh okay". Apparently she thought that meant she was allowed to still sleep with girls on the side after getting married. I'm not sure why she thought that, but she did. Then he finds out about her girlfriends and gets upset. She says it's not her fault because she told him about it before they got married. I think she's cheating on him and I think your wife is cheating on you. You need to talk about this and get the rules on your marriage straightened out and fast!


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## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

Hello all,

She told me one day that she wanted to be in a bi sexual relationship and that she loved me dearly but she wanted the female touch. She reassures me that she will always love me but she likes the womens touch. Did I agree to it. Well I still don't know. She tells me she needs it and that she would never turn lesbian ever. I told her that she needs to be safe as women to women std's and aids can be spread. I told her she would need regular blood tests to protect us both and she agreed. Thanks for the advice so far.


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

Well it sounds like you've given her permission then. Even if you're doubtful in your mind she is going to take your comments as acceptance. If you're not comfortable with it you need to say so. She can't know how you feel until you tell her. Although it seems you're not really sure how you feel about the situation yet.


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## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

Yes she was honest and told me about it which I respect her for. Im still unsure about acceptance. I am also worried that she might like the female experience better and then leave me.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

The Confused One said:


> Hello all,
> 
> She told me one day that she wanted to be in a bi sexual relationship and that she loved me dearly but she wanted the female touch. She reassures me that she will always love me but she likes the womens touch. Did I agree to it. Well I still don't know. She tells me she needs it and that she would never turn lesbian ever. I told her that she needs to be safe as women to women std's and aids can be spread. I told her she would need regular blood tests to protect us both and she agreed. Thanks for the advice so far.



Just be careful and remember that your wife can always love someone more than you. If your relationship is suffering, your wife will have another relationship to slip into. You should make a rule if you head down this path that she can only sleep with someone a certain amount of times. Attachments do form and we had a poster on here where his wife left him for another couple. Are you okay if your wife falls in love? By accepting, you do take the chance of your wife leaving you for another woman. Also her logic is flawed, if she left you for another woman, she would still be a bisexual female. She wouldn't turn into a lesbian.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

One sided open marriage that benefits her. How nice.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The Confused One said:


> Yes she was honest and told me about it which I respect her for. Im still unsure about acceptance. I am also worried that she might like the female experience better and then leave me.


That is the risk if you except this.

I for one don't like sharing, more times then not the things I lend out, #1 don't get returned, and #2 if they do get returned ...it's usually broken.

You can't control what your old lady wants, but you can control what you will tolerate. If you have expectations of monogamy well then go find a chick that is like minded.....who knows she might be younger and hotter then the one that you have now.

Or you can force the issues and deal with your old ladies deceit or she gets her sh!t together and recommits to the marriage once she sees a confident guy that won't take crap from a cake eating *****.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Just tell her that if she gets a lover....which is exactly what she is doing, then YOU get one too. Doesn't matter that hers is same-sex and yours would be opposite. She doesn't get to decide your lover, and she doesn't get to vote no on this. 

Pretty sure all this will trash your marriage tho.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

The Confused One said:


> She told me one day that she wanted to be in a bi sexual relationship and that she loved me dearly but she wanted the female touch. She reassures me that she will always love me but she likes the womens touch.


 If I told my wife that I wanted to be in a second relationship, and that I loved her dearly but "wanted the female touch" of a younger woman, she would rightfully object as should you with your wife seeking sex outside your marriage. Your wife is taking advantage of the confusion that you have concerning homosexual relationships to cheat on you. Notice that she did not ask your consent, but instead just informed you of a decision that she had already made. In doing so she made it clear that she no longer felt bound to seek your consent to have another sex partner and that the most that you could ask for is for her to practice safe sex and get tested. Time to make it clear to her in no uncertain terms that you do not consent to her having sex with anyone other than you, male or female, and that to continue with this affair is cheating that must stop immediately. You will find out then and there where you stand in your marraige.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Confused One, you certainly are. The bottom line is that your wife is having an A. You have two options. A: You accept this and just move on knowing your wife is unfaithful or B: Tell your wife that you are not in agreement with this and that either you are enough for her or she can leave and find what she needs beyond you. Good luck.


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## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

The Confused One said:


> She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


You might find you like the touch of prostitutes. Particuarly hot ones. Explain it to her. She should respect your honesty. 

You would not want to be seen with the prostitutes in public either.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

The Confused One said:


> Yes she was honest and told me about it which I respect her for. Im still unsure about acceptance. I am also worried that she might like the female experience better and then leave me.


Sorry...you just can't replace being with a man.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> You might find you like the touch of prostitutes. Particuarly hot ones. Explain it to her. She should respect your honesty.
> 
> You would not want to be seen with the prostitutes in public either.


Gotta admit...he does make a valid point. But you are the one who has to decide what you can live with.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

The Confused One said:


> She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


 After all everyone on this thread has said, and you say this as if the question is if she would leave you over her affair? Although it is very possible that no matter what your cheating wife says that she could end up leaving you, most cheaters are cake eaters that want both their affair partners and their spouse. The problem is that they can change their mind. Although you do not seem inclined to stand up to her and make her pick either you or her lover, what if the lover one day makes her decide? Right now the odds are better than they will be in the future that she will pick you if forced to decide, but once your acceptance has allowed them to continuing bonding, your odds drop with time. Also, there will always be ups and downs in a normal relationship. Your wife's lover will pick when your relationship is down with you wife and up with her lover to make her decide.

It is clear from your last post that your wife is cheating on you because she feels that she can and you will back down and let her. This no different from when a wife learns that their spouse has a mistress and looks the other way out of fear.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

TRy said:


> After all everyone on this thread has said, and you say this as if the question is if she would leave you over her affair? Although it is very possible that no matter what your cheating wife says that she could end up leaving you, most cheaters are cake eaters that want both their affair partners and their spouse. The problem is that they can change their mind. Although you do not seem inclined to stand up to her and make her pick either you or her lover, what if the lover one day makes her decide? Right now the odds are better than they will be in the future that she will pick you if forced to decide, but once your acceptance has allowed them to continuing bonding, your odds drop with time. Also, there will always be ups and downs in a normal relationship. Your wife's lover will pick when your relationship is down with you wife and up with her lover to make her decide.


Indeed. It is time for the 180, firstly, because this has badly hit his self-confidence and relf-respect (as it would anyones). Secondly, because if they do end up splitting up he has to be ready.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

The Confused One said:


> She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


How do you know she's hot? Have you met her?

How do you know she gets off really quickly? Are you watching?


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm bisexual and when I chose to marry a man I chose to forsake all other regardless of what was between their legs. Being bisexual does not give a person the right to cheat on their spouse. Especially right to their face so blatantly ...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Sorry you are in this situation.

You do need to make the rules clear. 

When you got married did the vows say anything about forsaking all others except for hot other women?

How do you know she does not have a threesome with the OW and her OW's friend?

Do you have children with her? Sorry, but kids make a difference. 

When are you going to make the rules rather than your wife make the rules? 

Did you see the std tests? has she given you a written timeline of how long the A has lasted so far?


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

The Confused One said:


> Hello All,
> 
> Firstly I am new here so please be nice.
> Well I have been married for over 18 years and been with the same woman for 22 years.
> ...


Dang, TCO, all this and you want CONSTRUCTIVE advice to boot?

Okay. I like a challenge.

Let's see. You've been with the woman you married for 22 years. Assuming you're not from Alabama, that puts you at, like, at least 40 years old.

Constructively speaking, it seems like you should have a better handle on boundaries of acceptable behavior and expectations of life, love, and all that other stuff.

It seems kind of hard to believe that you don't.

You state that your wife doing this upsets you greatly, and makes you feel inadequate. You have concerns about her getting STD's from this other relationship.

Great so far.

But then you're not sure how you should take this, you're not sure what to do, and you're not sure how to accept this.

This suggests to me that your wife is already married to a woman. 

Seriously. You're doing it wrong.

I recommend the following actions on your part. These are all constructive.

1) Tell your wife that it's way cool that she would never leave you for someone else, but that you don't really give a f*ck, if she's going to go have sex with some other person.

2) Tell your wife that you don't want someone who has sex with other people and TELL her to move out. If she refuses, don't get in a turf battle with her. Just go live somewhere else, change all your contact information so that your wife can't get ahold of you, and start your life over.

3) Go see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings.

4) Go see a therapist and work on developing a sense of self respect. Ideally, you will get to the point where you like yourself so much, and think so well of yourself, that the notion of your partner having sex with someone else will cause you to stop being in a relationship with them immediately.

People respect men who have strong boundaries and don't tolerate bad behavior around them. That's the kind of man you want to aspire to be.

You have a long way to go, based on what you have written.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

1. She IS cheating on you.

2. You ARE going to lose her, if not to this woman than to someone else. She has already fallen out of love with you, that is why she no longer responds to you sexually. Once that happens with a woman, as a general rule, you are already gone.

Sorry.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Oh boy... Where's the testosterone around here anyway...

Just wait until you find out she's been doing her girlfriend at her boyfriend/husbands place. It was only a threesome. She never really touched the guy very much you know. So, be nice about it OK?

What's it gonna take for you to grow a damn pair and take a leadership role in your marriage...


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

You gave her permission to be with women and I don't see your problem now. Off course she is cheating. Please explain why you accepted this? Do you enjoy it? Thinking that she is with other women? You sound like you are only concerned about STD, otherwise the cheating is ok to you. At least this is how it sounds!. She does not hold heads with women in public! This is not because she loves you more than the others, it is because she does not want the public to know! So why it is ok for her to sleep with women and you cannot do the same?? You just accepted because she was honest with you? One day she will be honest and will leave you. Are you going to be happy? why dont you find a girl who loves you and does not cheat?


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

The Confused One said:


> She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


So if you think she is hot, then what the other womans story? Is she lesbian? Is she married? Have they asked you to be with the 2 of them...

odd..very odd.. sounds porno to me


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

The Confused One said:


> Hello All,
> 
> Firstly I am new here so please be nice.
> Well I have been married for over 18 years and been with the same woman for 22 years.
> ...


Folks have given advice, but I need to know more. First, do you have any children and if so, how old are they?

Second, how is your relationship with your wife? Are you two still intimate, do you share plans for the future, and so on?

Third, is the other woman married? To a man or to a woman? Do they have any children and if so, how old are they.

The major problem that I see is that sex almost always carries emotional baggage along with it. It may well be that your wife will not leave you and that nothing between you will change except that she will take some time off to be with her other friend. But that's probably not the way to bet. It would be more likely if the other woman had a marriage partner and children. That way both women would have an investment in the status quo.

Sorry to sound like a prosecuting attorney. That isn't my aim. But I think we all here need answers to those questions before any advice is given.


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## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

Yes my wife is still intimate with me and we talk and share plans for the future.
The other woman is married to a man and my wife says all she wants is some female on female fun like my wife wants.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

:scratchhead: 


Cheating is cheating, right? Isn't it?


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

syhoybenden said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> Cheating is cheating, right? Isn't it?


Yup.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening theconfusedone.

It really is up to you how you fell about this. Some men view their wives having sex with another woman as cheating. For others its a hot fantasy. 

For me, I would be OK with my wife sleeping with another woman if either I got to join in occasionally , or if I was also allowed to sleep with other people. 

If she cheated with another woman, I wouldn't be too upset, but I would not want it to continue without some sort of equally agreement for me.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you know the other man and woman? Where and when do they meet? Why do you think the om isn't involved? Does he know what they are doing?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

First I would get STD test and stop all sexual activity with her.

2nd, I would have a serious conversation on boundries within your relationship.

It doesn't matter what she is having sex with, fact is she is cheating. PERIOD

This either stops or the marriage is over.

But that's just me.

I know a lot of men find this appealing and want to join the fun. To me, it's a no go. I would not want my wife to be shared with ANYONE (men or women)......gender means nothing.

If your wife wants to be with other women, that's fine but at least she should have enough respect for you to let you go FIRST.


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## The Confused One (Dec 28, 2014)

I told her I want nothing to do with her if she is having sex with another woman. She has now cracked the ****s. She tells me she has called it off with this other woman but of course blames me.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The Confused One said:


> She has told me she likes the female touch. I know she gets off really quickly being with this other women who for the records is pretty hot. She does not want to been seen with this other women in public holding hands etc for fear of rejection from friends and family. She has told me she will never leave me for any woman.


 Of course she wont. She has the freedom to screw around with another person and you to support her and her lifestyle. Why would she want to give that up.

Friend, you better wise up and even though you told her no more and she's now pissed at you, your the one at fault here. When she told you about this, you should have told her that if she wants to go off to be touched by a female, then you'll make sure that your lawyer is female and they can shake hands when the divorce starts.

You opened up a real big can of worms here and now your going to let her make you out as the bad guy. Put a stop to that real quick and tell her that this si the way it is and if she doesn't like it, to take it someplace else but no until the divorce is final.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Did she start with the other woman before she told you about her? Did the how's husband know what was going on? If not he should be told.

I would be really worried she will take this underground.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

The Confused One said:


> I told her I want nothing to do with her if she is having sex with another woman. She has now cracked the ****s. She tells me she has called it off with this other woman but of course blames me.


Make sure you keep tabs on her. Good chance there will still be contact, she'll just be careful about hiding it.


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