# Karma hit my wife's former AP this week.



## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

So my wife's former AP works for a software company that assists with accounting and assets. My company I work for which is massive world wide was looking into purchasing the software license to use it. This man works for them and is the main software trainer. 

He shows companies like ours how to use it. Supposed to save us over 1 million in administration costs each year. Anyway I noticed him in the room and he noticed me as well. Before the deal was finalized next week I told my boss my issue and how I was not going to let this man near me again and I would rather quit. I told him what happened between him and my wife and how I busted his nose the last time and I wanted to do it again yesterday. 

We had a long talk. And then my boss and his boss had a long talk. Then that boss and the CEO had a long talk. My company has my back. We are going to forgo it. An email was sent to their company this afternoon saying thanks but no thanks. A name was not mentioned but my situation was brought up to them and they pretty much knew who it was as I paper bombed their parking lot 3 years ago. 

My boss told me the CEO does not want to deal with any company that has a man like that in their midst period. He said they were set to make over one million dollars from us plus maintenance contract. Sucks for them. As for him....does he still have a job? Don't know and don't care as long as anything affiliated with him is not around me.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

LOVE it. Thanks for sharing.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Did you also make sure your wifes employers know what kind of person they are harboring in their midst? And you threw her out, right, because you wouldn't want some skanky cheater in your home...

The point I am making is that your wife should either get absolutely equal treatment for the same crime or you need to lay off.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> Did you also make sure your wifes employers know what kind of person they are harboring in their midst? And you threw her out, right, because you wouldn't want some skanky cheater in your home...
> 
> The point I am making is that your wife should either get absolutely equal treatment for the same crime or you need to lay off.


She left her company.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So how much fun was it driving the Karma Bus?

I want to say that a guy named "missthelove" or "missthelove2013" had a similar story a while back. OM applied for a job at his company (IIRC, he and the WW lost their jobs when their affair was exposed) and he quashed it. What was especially entertaining is that OM saw him as he was leaving following the interview; when he found out that he didn't get the job, he knew exactly why.

MTL _might_ have been a troll, though... I seem to recall that he was banned for having a sock puppet account.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Did your company know for sure that everything you claimed about your wife's AP was true?
> 
> I only bring that up, 'cause it would be a way for an unethical person to damage somebody else's career.
> 
> ...


To,d my boss I still had all of the saved Facebook messages between the two showing his manipulative behavior. They trust me.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> MTL _might_ have been a troll, though... I seem to recall that he was banned for having a sock puppet account.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


MTl was banned because he admitted he was a troll. He wanted to brag about having put one over on us.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Did you also make sure your wifes employers know what kind of person they are harboring in their midst? And you threw her out, right, because you wouldn't want some skanky cheater in your home...
> 
> The point I am making is that your wife should either get absolutely equal treatment for the same crime or you need to lay off.


Isn't it more or less up to OMW to take care of all that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> MTl was banned because he admitted he was a troll. He wanted to brag about having put one over on us.


Didn't he also have a story about his own mother getting caught banging the neighbor kid when he was younger?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

3putt said:


> MTl was banned because he admitted he was a troll. He wanted to brag about having put one over on us.


Why would someone do that? Is the person bored? I mean I posted what happened the last few days and I feel like I can thump my chest. You guys don't know how good this feels to me.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Didn't he also have a story about his own mother getting caught banging the neighbor kid when he was younger?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn, Gus @GusPolinski, you have a memory like a steel trap.

ETA: I have thought about changing my screen name or whatever we call it here at TAM to SockPuppet.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'm sure I've forgotten some details, but I tend to remember some of the more entertaining narratives.

WhiteRaven/brokeneric also had a few doozies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Did you also make sure your wifes employers know what kind of person they are harboring in their midst? And you threw her out, right, because you wouldn't want some skanky cheater in your home...
> 
> The point I am making is that your wife should either get absolutely equal treatment for the same crime or you need to lay off.


And, exactly what is it about infidelity that should be "fair"?


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> And, exactly what is it about infidelity that should be "fair"?


Yup. After having your heart ground into the dirt, who cares which of the cheating POS pair gets the karma first?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Didn't he also have a story about his own mother getting caught banging the neighbor kid when he was younger?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That guy had a lot of 'interesting' twists that made me question the veracity of his story. He sucked me in at first, but then I just let it go.

And to answer your question, Augusto, I have no idea what makes people like that tick. Boredom, a moral compass that could double as a ceiling fan and a good imagination I guess.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

A moral compass that could double as a ceiling fan. Can I use that, @3putt? That's GOOD!


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

TeddieG said:


> A moral compass that could double as a ceiling fan. Can I use that, @3putt? That's GOOD!


Have at it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> That guy had a lot of 'interesting' twists that made me question the veracity of his story. He sucked me in at first, but then I just let it go.
> 
> And to answer your question, Augusto, I have no idea what makes people like that tick. Boredom, a moral compass that could double as a ceiling fan and a good imagination I guess.


You know what made me laugh hysterically?

It was the "telephone pole" line.

:lol: :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> Damn, Gus @GusPolinski, you have a memory like a steel trap.
> 
> ETA: I have thought about changing my screen name or whatever we call it here at TAM to SockPuppet.


I wouldn't recommend that. The mods might think you were being too cute (not in a good way, of course).


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> You know what made me laugh hysterically?
> 
> It was the "telephone pole" line.
> 
> ...


I don't recall that one. Of course, that may have been after I decided that guy wasn't worth my time.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Did you also make sure your wifes employers know what kind of person they are harboring in their midst? And you threw her out, right, because you wouldn't want some skanky cheater in your home...
> 
> The point I am making is that your wife should either get absolutely equal treatment for the same crime or you need to lay off.


So he should just suck up being trained by the man who was having sex with his wife? 

Yeah. Like I can see how that would work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Oh, as an afterthought with the MTL discussion side tracking me, well done Augusto.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> You know what made me laugh hysterically?
> 
> It was the "telephone pole" line.
> 
> ...


Can you share? I missed that one.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The sad thing is, your company undoubtedly has people of the same low character, so maybe karma will visit it as well someday. Just the same, it's a cool story and lovely to see some justice.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> The sad thing is, your company undoubtedly has people of the same low character, so maybe karma will visit it as well someday. Just the same, it's a cool story and lovely to see some justice.


 @Married but Happy, no kidding, I never knew how endemic cheating was until my POS ex-h did it and I started looking on the Internet. 

Wow, just wow. But yeah, it is nice to vicariously enjoy someone else's view from the karma bus.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> The sad thing is, your company undoubtedly has people of the same low character, so maybe karma will visit it as well someday. Just the same, it's a cool story and lovely to see some justice.


I had a similar thought.

I also can't see a company of the scope described by @Augusto backing out of any sort of beneficial business arrangement over what basically amounts to a personal vendetta.

Unless, of course, Augusto is either a member of the company's executive leadership team or a "regular" employee w/ an irregular amount of sway.

Either way, I'm left thinking that there was never any intent to actually purchase the software. Or, if there was, the ELT decided against it for a completely different reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> Can you share? I missed that one.


Search the forum for the phrase "telephone pole".

Probably won't take too long to find.

Be ready to laugh.

(This is assuming, of course, that the thread hasn't been deleted.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

A few of you quoted me, so I'll just do a reply to all in one shot. 

A lot of you know I have been a BW and I have been a WW. I was unwittingly an OW due to a ONS with an old friend who wasn't wearing his ring anymore and told me he and his wife had split up months ago. I found out shortly after it was total bullpucky and I immediately told his wife what happened and apologized profusely.

That all said, I hope you guys and gals won't think I am "taking sides" or talking out my rear because I don't know what it's like to be in a situation where I want revenge/justice/karma/a ninja for hire.

The OM is a POS, yes. He knowingly had an affair with a married woman. Whatever "karma" he has coming, he earned. However, so did WW. She betrayed her vows, her husband, family, whatever faith she may practice, and so on. I just find it rather hypocritical to punish one person for the wrong they have done you and to NOT also punish the other person who did the same wrong. If you truly believe that OM deserves this "karma", then shouldn't you believe your wife also deserves the exact same consequences, personally and professionally?


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> A few of you quoted me, so I'll just do a reply to all in one shot.
> 
> A lot of you know I have been a BW and I have been a WW. I was unwittingly an OW due to a ONS with an old friend who wasn't wearing his ring anymore and told me he and his wife had split up months ago. I found out shortly after it was total bullpucky and I immediately told his wife what happened and apologized profusely.
> 
> ...


In my case, it was my h who cheated with a wh0re at work, and I'm happy, as I think I stated, for either of them to get whatever the universe feels like dishing out to them in the way of consequences.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TeddieG said:


> In my case, it was my h who cheated with a wh0re at work, and I'm happy, as I think I stated, for either of them to get whatever the universe feels like dishing out to them in the way of consequences.


Certainly. But this wasn't necessarily the "Universe" dishing out consequences. It was the OP. I was just noticing that the OP didn't seem to think his wife and the OM deserved equal helpings.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> A few of you quoted me, so I'll just do a reply to all in one shot.
> 
> A lot of you know I have been a BW and I have been a WW. I was unwittingly an OW due to a ONS with an old friend who wasn't wearing his ring anymore and told me he and his wife had split up months ago. I found out shortly after it was total bullpucky and I immediately told his wife what happened and apologized profusely.
> 
> ...


You're not wrong. And, honestly, much of the crap that poured out of Augusto's WW's/FWW's mouth in the days and weeks following D-Day should've accomplished little more than heaping _even more_ onto the pile of karmic justice owed to her.

But a BS looking to reconcile (and Augusto and his wife _are_ reconciling... sort of) can't really inflict these types of consequences upon his or her WS/FWS and expect that any sort of actual reconciliation will ever get off the ground.

Nothing keeping OMW from doing it, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Y
> But a BS looking to reconcile (and Augusto and his wife _are_ reconciling... sort of) can't really inflict these types of consequences upon his or her WS/FWS and expect that any sort of actual reconciliation will ever get off the ground.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH.

I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH.
> 
> I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


I miss my MacBook Air. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> A few of you quoted me, so I'll just do a reply to all in one shot.
> 
> A lot of you know I have been a BW and I have been a WW. I was unwittingly an OW due to a ONS with an old friend who wasn't wearing his ring anymore and told me he and his wife had split up months ago. I found out shortly after it was total bullpucky and I immediately told his wife what happened and apologized profusely.
> 
> ...


I'm not familiar with the OP's situation, so I don't know if he is in R or not. But to answer generally, I see two situations, though of course there is a myriad of variation. 

If the BS decides to R, they choose to forgive their spouse and work toward fixing the marriage. Forgiving the WS does not mean you have to forgive the OM/OW. In that case, you may still want karma for the OM, but you may have forgiven your WS. 

The other scenario is that you decide to D. In that instance you may very well wish bad karma on both, but you take karma as it comes. The WS may not get theirs for years, but if you get a chance to stick it to the OM earlier, well more power to you. 

I guess what I'm saying is that I agree they are both responsible, but life isn't fair and sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH.
> 
> I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


Okay, I'm liking THAT.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

@GusPolinski

I believe the thread you are referring to is named "I am a betrayed spouse". He was living in a sexless marriage and his wife had a southern accent he said was cute. OM and the wife were in car the OMW had a var in capturing her line of you're as big as s telephone pole. OM had apparently kept videos from surveillance cameras inside the company they worked for. OM had video of them at work in a conference room on top of the table. I remember more but I think you get the idea. Missthelove was his screen name here though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Certainly. But this wasn't necessarily the "Universe" dishing out consequences. It was the OP. I was just noticing that the OP didn't seem to think his wife and the OM deserved equal helpings.


No argument here, MMJ. They do. But when reconciling, it's not up to the BS to dish it out, although they very well may relish and take great delight in it and bite the hell of their pillow before they'd acknowledge it. Since my azzhat ex-h is with the OW, I'm happy for them both to experience the consequences together. It will SURELY draw them closer, right? 

pardon my bitterness at your wise expense.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I miss my MacBook Air.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because?


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

drifting on said:


> @GusPolinski
> 
> I believe the thread you are referring to is named "I am a betrayed spouse". He was living in a sexless marriage and his wife had a southern accent he said was cute. OM and the wife were in car the OMW had a var in capturing her line of you're as big as s telephone pole. OM had apparently kept videos from surveillance cameras inside the company they worked for. OM had video of them at work in a conference room on top of the table. I remember more but I think you get the idea. Missthelove was his screen name here though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah, hell, I didn't bother to search for the "telephone pole" on TAM. After a couple of vodka rickeys (forgive me, I'm old and slow), it dawned on me what a telephone pole might represent. My therapist says I speak in symbolic and metaphorical terms, but sometimes I'm just too tired to get when others are. 

But how I missed a telephone pole and it's phallic potential is quite beyond me at the moment. Maybe it was those damn vodka rickeys.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

TeddieG said:


> Ah, hell, I didn't bother to search for the "telephone pole" on TAM. After a couple of vodka rickeys (forgive me, I'm old and slow), it dawned on me what a telephone pole might represent. My therapist says I speak in symbolic and metaphorical terms, but sometimes I'm just too tired to get when others are.
> 
> But how I missed a telephone pole and it's phallic potential is quite beyond me at the moment. Maybe it was those damn vodka rickeys.




There are moments I read a post and wish I could meet this poster. While I have given up drinking I have often thought how fun it would be to sit and have a drink with many people from here. At a time I needed a laugh I thank you for this post, you have not only made me smile but I also laughed out loud. Thank you for that, God bless.

Sorry for the thread jack Augusto.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

3putt said:


> That guy had a lot of 'interesting' twists that made me question the veracity of his story. He sucked me in at first, but then I just let it go.
> 
> And to answer your question, Augusto, I have no idea what makes people like that tick. Boredom, a moral compass that could double as a ceiling fan and a good imagination I guess.


In general, I think very little of trolls. But some of the people on here that are suspected of being trolls are actually quite creative and entertaining. I just have to remind myself when posting on here that this is my free time for my own interest/amusement and I look at situations as hypothetical and that I get something out of responding so that even if the original poster is making the whole story up, I'm not wasting my time by engaging.

Though some stories, like ones about spousal abuse, I really do get emotionally attached to the poster and I would be pretty irate to learn they are making it up.

ANYHOW: @Agusto - congratulations on the smear the karma bus left in your work's parking lot. hee hee. And to anyone who thinks you should not toy with a person's career -- all you did was speak the truth. He toyed with his career when he messed around with another man's wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> A few of you quoted me, so I'll just do a reply to all in one shot.
> 
> A lot of you know I have been a BW and I have been a WW. I was unwittingly an OW due to a ONS with an old friend who wasn't wearing his ring anymore and told me he and his wife had split up months ago. I found out shortly after it was total bullpucky and I immediately told his wife what happened and apologized profusely.
> 
> ...


How do you know he didn't punish his wife?

And here's a reason why someone might resist destroying their spouse in an orgy of karmic revenge. They still love their spouse and wish to continue their relationship and/or have children with them and do not wish to destroy their other parent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Certainly. But this wasn't necessarily the "Universe" dishing out consequences. It was the OP. I was just noticing that the OP didn't seem to think his wife and the OM deserved equal helpings.


I don't see where he implied that. And I don't see that it was his intent to quash the account going through. He took a stand on his principles and informed his employer of such. His employer obviously has great respect for him and took the information he gave them and made a business decision. 

I'm having a hard time seeing the "intent" that he had to hurt the OM. 

And as for his WW... yes he does hold her to a different accountability. She is his wife. He has decided to R with her. It is what it is. She gave up that job that she enjoyed to stay married to him. That was a consequence well earned by her. She took it on the chin, and from what I understand, she has owed up to her fvck-ups and is doing what she can to heal her husband and build a new marriage. 

You cannot "punish" a wayward. You can take a stand for the truth, stand by your principles, refuse abuse, and refuse to accept your spouse violating your boundaries. You can step away and walk away and allow the WS to either rise of fall by their own actions. But that is it. Short of stringing her up with a rope and lashing her with a willow wand, there is no way Augusto could "punish" his idiot wife for her idiot choices.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

That's great that karma caught up to him. Has it also caught up to your wife yet? She owes an even bigger debt.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> The OM is a POS, yes. He knowingly had an affair with a married woman. Whatever "karma" he has coming, he earned. However, so did WW. She betrayed her vows, her husband, family, whatever faith she may practice, and so on. I just find it rather hypocritical to punish one person for the wrong they have done you and to NOT also punish the other person who did the same wrong. If you truly believe that OM deserves this "karma", then shouldn't you believe your wife also deserves the exact same consequences, personally and professionally?


While I understand where you are coming from, I'm not sure that is what happened here. @Augusto didn't go looking for the OM but the OM came walking back into his life and he had it in his power not to do business with him. I'm not sure I'd call it karma as much as the OMs behavior catching up with him. But to your other point - yes BOTH should have consequences. We've had cases where the BS has gone after the AP's job while reconciling with their WS - I always thought they were letting the one who actually betrayed them off a lot easier. But that being said I have zero sympathy for an AP who feels the BS's wrath. 



MJJEAN said:


> I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH.
> 
> I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


This is poetry. > People don't understand that by dealing out consequences the WS knows the BS is NOT going to roll over. What many people don't understand is you can love someone and not be their fvcking doormat...it is as simple as that. You have the right attitude.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Augusto said:


> So my wife's former AP works for a software company that assists with accounting and assets. My company I work for which is massive world wide was looking into purchasing the software license to use it. This man works for them and is the main software trainer.
> 
> He shows companies like ours how to use it. Supposed to save us over 1 million in administration costs each year. Anyway I noticed him in the room and he noticed me as well. Before the deal was finalized next week I told my boss my issue and how I was not going to let this man near me again and I would rather quit. I told him what happened between him and my wife and how I busted his nose the last time and I wanted to do it again yesterday.
> 
> ...


This sounds more like wishful thinking to an audience of BSs than reality to me.

The CEO has a legal responsibility to the share holders (assumed as it is a "massive world wide" company) and foregoing the opportunity to save $1M+ because an employee way down the chain personally dislikes the software trainer would be neglecting that responsibility.

It's pretty unlikely that in a massive worldwide company the CEO gets involved, or even informed about, a specific software purchase for an administrative task in the first place.

That $1M saving could prevent 10-20 employees from being let go if money is tight, the loss of the sale could result in employees of the other company who knew nothing of this losing their jobs.

That isn't getting your own back that is just being spiteful towards people who have done nothing to you.

In the event that the company did want to take action against the OM then just add "Seller's employee X will not be allowed on Buyer's premises" or "Seller's employee X is not to be involved with this project" to the purchase contract. You don't risk the lively hood of your own people and all the employees at the other company over 1 persons personal issue? 

Telling your boss that you are unable to work professionally with OM is quite reasonable, and you should also excuse yourself from the purchase decision making process.

Just my opinion.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH.
> 
> I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.





GusPolinski said:


> I miss my MacBook Air.





TeddieG said:


> Because?


That was my way of saying, "I want to reply to this, but I don't want to do it on my iPhone because my thumbs are acting stupid tonight."

Also, I sold the MBA earlier this year (or maybe late last year... honestly can't remember) because I didn't need both it and my MBP anymore. Or at least that's what I told myself. The MBP is much more powerful, but it's huge and the battery life kind of sucks and I don't like taking it off of my desk because I have tons of stuff plugged into it.

Yeah, I know... huge problems, right?

Aaanyway...

MJJEAN, it's fine to think about and even want to impose consequences when reconciling, but -- when doing so -- you have to get away from thinking about consequences in a punitive sense. I say that primarily because... well, you're never going to be able to inflict consequences in such a way that you "even things out", so to speak.

Additionally, an obsession w/ consequences won't be at all conducive to the type of foundation that you'll need to have in place in order to have a _meaningful_ reconciliation.

You have to get to the point where you think of consequences as being more of a natural result or reaction to the behavior that enabled the betrayal.

Husband displays a fondness for banging random skanks that he picks up at bars while out of town? Well, no more bars, and it's time to either start limiting or eliminating travel or looking for a job that will require less or none of it.

Wife caught in an affair w/ the someone at the pet shelter where she volunteers? Bye-bye volunteer work.

Beyond things like this (things that just make sense), if a given BS finds himself or herself obsessed w/ inflicting consequences, he or she probably isn't cut out for reconciliation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> ...I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


I meant to address this in my last reply, but there are ways to accomplish this w/o falling back onto an obsession w/ inflicting consequences that will wind up being much more effective in the long term.


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Think the primary addressee of karma would be your wife, not the guy she cheated with. This guy, while certainly a scumbag, didn't make any vows to you.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

Dycedarg said:


> Think the primary addressee of karma would be your wife, not the guy she cheated with. This guy, while certainly a scumbag, didn't make any vows to you.


True, but so what?

OP got a golden opportunity dropped in his lap to screw with OM's life, like OM had screwed with his. Not only don't I blame him for taking action, I will stand and raise a glass to OP for doing so.

Remember, it's not like OP sought out revenge, but when the opportunity presented itself, he took the appropriate action and feels good about himself for doing so. Kudos to Augusto!!!


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

MyRevelation said:


> *True, but so what?*
> 
> OP got a golden opportunity dropped in his lap to screw with OM's life, like OM had screwed with his. Not only don't I blame him for taking action, I will stand and raise a glass to OP for doing so.
> 
> Remember, it's not like OP sought out revenge, but when the opportunity presented itself, he took the appropriate action and feels good about himself for doing so. Kudos to Augusto!!!


Well, that's not karma.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dycedarg said:


> Well, that's not karma.


Agreed..the situation arose to kick the POSOM in the nads and he took it..nothing wrong with that but you are right it is not some magical karma...


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agreed..the situation arose to kick the POSOM in the nads and he took it..nothing wrong with that but you are right it is not some magical karma...


Thank you for that stipulation. 

I don't always articulate what I mean. Sometimes I just make points without drawing a line. 

I should probably tether some things together. 

I'm gathering that the OP is working on reconciling with his wife. I also gather that he's upset. Neither of these things are wrong or unusual. 

The problem is his desire for revenge. I don't think wanting or even taking revenge is wrong, but there is absolutely a problem with this particular situation, because I'm pretty sure that his anger is simply misdirected.

If your spouse cheats on you, the entirety of the blame is totally, unmistakably on that spouse. Not to say that the third party is good or absolved because they're not. But some people say "It's 70%/30%, spouse/third party". I don't agree, it would have to be 100%/30%.

And here's the thing. Everyone knows that. It's the reason cheating hurts someone so much. It's not that some random person came into your life and did that. It's that your spouse, the person in whom you confide, the one who knows you best and knows how best to love and hurt you, betrayed you. 

So when someone is trying to reconcile, and yet wants to make life miserable for the other man or woman, that tells me that they in fact want to hurt their spouse.

Which again, is natural, understandable. But reconciling runs contrary to that kind of sentiment. 

To sum it up, this kind of thing makes me worry for the individual because they are in a haze, and some bad things will happen as a result.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MyRevelation said:


> True, but so what?
> 
> OP got a golden opportunity dropped in his lap to screw with OM's life, like OM had screwed with his. Not only don't I blame him for taking action, I will stand and raise a glass to OP for doing so.
> 
> Remember, it's not like OP sought out revenge, but when the opportunity presented itself, he took the appropriate action and feels good about himself for doing so. Kudos to Augusto!!!


In the event that it is true then the OP probably screwed a lot of people, including his own, a lot and the OP just a tiny little bit if at all.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dycedarg said:


> Thank you for that stipulation.
> 
> I don't always articulate what I mean. Sometimes I just make points without drawing a line.
> 
> ...


I get where you are coming from - 100% - the person who vowed to be faithful to you is the one at fault but the AP did take actions that were in direct opposition to your interests or should I say took advantage of a situation that allowed him or her to hurt your interests. As far as revenge and the WS - there are as many views on that as there are cheating stories - what I do know is the Ws needs to feel the consequences and the Bs needs to do what they need to do to heal..

I dont believe in karma per se but I do believe poor character has consequences and someone who cheats on their spouse and destroys two families probably doesn't have the best character and that will lead to more self-destructive behavior and poor outcomes...not always but quite often...


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> *I'm not sure I could reconcile WITHOUT inflicting consequences on a WH*.
> 
> I'm not in any condition to analyze this, I'm tired and out of coffee,but I think that in order to be secure and start to heal I would have to KNOW that my Wayward understands to his bones that I am NOT one to be trifled with and betrayal will result in swift and merciless action.


I can agree and understand this, as I *exposed*, which helped me and my ww start the R process.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

WonkyNinja said:


> In the event that it is true then the OP probably screwed a lot of people, including his own, a lot and the OP just a tiny little bit if at all.


Not necessarily, you had to make a lot of assumptions to get to that destination. OP's company can probably obtain a similar product from another vendor, and if that's the case, then no one in his company will be affected.

I get that a lot of people are uncomfortable with revenge or think it is misdirected towards the OM, but from my point of view, while WW may be the primary source of OP's pain, OM isn't innocent and deserved whatever came his way.

OP didn't go out of his way to make this happen, and only shared his truth with his superior, who then took it and ran with it to the powers that be. Any fallout to OM's company or coworkers is on him ... I'm not going to bash OP for telling the truth, and consider it bad form for others to do so based on only assumptions that are likely baseless projections themselves ... see how easy it is to "assume".


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I meant to address this in my last reply, but there are ways to accomplish this w/o falling back onto an obsession w/ inflicting consequences that will wind up being much more effective in the long term.


You are, by far, not the only person who sees it that way. And good for you guys. You have your view and it works for you.

I won't try to pretend I get it. I don't. For me, the most effective way to get the point across is pretty much fvck the entire life of the WW, inflicting as much damage as possible and THEN, maybe, if I feel he's suffered enough, consider reconciling.

No, I am not above biting off my nose to spite my face, so to speak.

People talk a lot about the WS having to kiss butt, eat crow, and suck it up while their BS goes through whatever nightmare they are living and feeling. For me, that also includes whatever vengeance the BS might mete out.

OP refused to do business with the random guy who wronged him. He even publicly shamed him. But he'll live with and sleep next to the wife who committed the same wrong against him? 

Just don't get it at all. I'm much harsher dealing with someone who I loved and trusted that betrayed me than I am dealing with some random POS.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> You are, by far, not the only person who sees it that way. And good for you guys. You have your view and it works for you.
> 
> I won't try to pretend I get it. I don't. For me, the most effective way to get the point across is pretty much fvck the entire life of the WW, inflicting as much damage as possible and THEN, maybe, if I feel he's suffered enough, consider reconciling.
> 
> ...


All of this is fine, but what it means is that you're just not cut out for reconciliation. _And there's nothing wrong w/ that._

And about the whole WS vs OM/OM thing?

Just as the OM/OW, having sworn no vows to the BS, didn't owe any sort of loyalty to the BS... well, the BS likewise doesn't owe any loyalty to him or her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> All of this is fine, but what it means is that you're just not cut out for reconciliation. _And there's nothing wrong w/ that._
> 
> And about the whole WS vs OM/OM thing?
> 
> ...


Actually, I have reconciled from infidelity in the past. I am cut out for it, but only under certain circumstances. Part of which is feeling as if I have evened things out.

Ex: H destroys my world by having an affair. I destroy his world. Now, I am capable of forgiving and possibly reconciling.

Someone upthread mentioned that OP's treatment of OM may be because he is still angry and really wishes he could punish his WW. For me, that would be absolutely true. I'd never be able to move past it to forgiveness and healing if I didn't exact some fairly damaging revenge for the wrong done me.

And I still can't get past the hypocrisy. She gets a pass, but her OM doesn't?

I think BS owe their WS, reconciling or not, about as much loyalty as they owe the AP's.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Actually, I have reconciled from infidelity in the past. I am cut out for it, but only under certain circumstances. Part of which is feeling as if I have evened things out.
> 
> Ex: H destroys my world by having an affair. I destroy his world. Now, I am capable of forgiving and possibly reconciling.
> 
> ...


So you "reconciled" w/ your ex?

LOL...

Allow me to rephrase --

You're not cut out for any sort of _meaningful_ reconciliation.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> So you "reconciled" w/ your ex?
> 
> LOL...
> 
> ...


Hell, naw! Geeze, Gus, ewwww. I did once attempt to be celibate when married to exH in order to keep the peace, but that only lasted about 10 months when he got caught with a club chick in a very compromising position and I figured that released me from my promise.

It's a long story and not mine to tell. The only way to explain it relatively fully would be fairly identifying and potentially very embarrassing to someone (who did not wrong me) close to me still. A lot of friends and family know I post here and at LS and they know my name. If I like a forum, I encourage people to check it out. A few of them would figure it out pretty fast if they come here.

Bottom line is that I was very hurt, did a scorched earth thing, the other party realized I must be very hurt indeed to behave that way, felt bad, apologized profusely, and then asked to try again. So I did.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> This sounds more like wishful thinking to an audience of BSs than reality to me.
> 
> The CEO has a legal responsibility to the share holders (assumed as it is a "massive world wide" company) and foregoing the opportunity to save $1M+ because an employee way down the chain personally dislikes the software trainer would be neglecting that responsibility.
> 
> ...


Unless the owner happens to be, for example, a committed Christian?


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the owner happens to be, for example, a committed Christian?


Read about HP's CEO. He didn't even have a affair. He just had a relationship with one of the vendors reps and they believed he was giving her special deals  I am sure he was lol.

He was a exceptional CEO. Raised there stock. Separated there departments. Really turned the company around. All his wonderful achievements meant nothing in the end. 

Good for OP to get a little justice. I really think his wife should have suffered more but hey that is just me. She is the one that made vows not the OM. 

I guess this is why I am not a reconciliation fan. 

7 billion people on the planet. You can't tell me there isn't better people out there.  

C


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the owner happens to be, for example, a committed Christian?


Our business has passed on both events and advertising means if they were not in line with our values.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the owner happens to be, for example, a committed Christian?


Agreed, as with Hobby Lobby. But to refuse to do business with any company whose every employee doesn't follow his religious beliefs would be impossible.



Clay2013 said:


> Read about HP's CEO. He didn't even have a affair. He just had a relationship with one of the vendors reps and they believed he was giving her special deals  I am sure he was lol.
> 
> He was a exceptional CEO. Raised there stock. Separated there departments. Really turned the company around. All his wonderful achievements meant nothing in the end.
> 
> ...


Just read it, it sounds as if there were grounds but he was asked to resign rather than be fired. If I was asked to resign with a $40M handout I'd take the check and be out the door faster than Usain Bolt. 

This wasn't an employee of significance having a relationship with a vendor rep, which would be a conflict of interest by any standards. 



farsidejunky said:


> Our business has passed on both events and advertising means if they were not in line with our values.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


This was one single employee, a trainer, at another company having done something unrelated to work that caused a personal conflict with another regular employee. 

The vendor company has done nothing that is not in line with company values. I work for a global company with 100,000+ employees, if they refused to do business with any company that had an employee that had upset one of ours we would have to cease business immediately.

All that aside I still think it's a made up story, probably a daydream, for an audience of BSs who would love to hear a story like that and believe that it might happen to them.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> Agreed, as with Hobby Lobby. But to refuse to do business with any company whose every employee followed his religious beliefs would be impossible.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Unless the cheater was on a final warning?

And some firms have a policy that if an employee beings the company into disrepute (even outside work hours), then they can be canned.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the cheater was on a final warning?
> 
> And some firms have a policy that if an employee beings the company into disrepute (even outside work hours), then they can be canned.


I agree. But the OP never said that the cheater was fired. He simply stated that his boss told his boss who told his boss who told the CEO of this "massive worldwide company" and the CEO said "let's forget the possibility of saving over $1M, we can't risk upsetting someone who works for someone who works for someone who works for you".


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> I agree. But the OP never said that the cheater was fired. He simply stated that his boss told his boss who told his boss who told the CEO of this "massive worldwide company" and the CEO said "let's forget the possibility of saving over $1M, we can't risk upsetting someone who works for someone who works for someone who works for you".


Thanks for correcting my misremembering.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Posted this in the wrong thread earlier.

I wanted to post in this thread to describe my employer. I work for a subsidiary of a larger company in my metro area. The CEO of the parent company was banging a subordinate. His wife found out. They say she marched into a board meeting and told eveyone what happened. The woman he was banging was an employee and her husband works here also. Not only did he keep his job, we read in the paper the other day that he makes about $2 million/year. That's all while we are in a major cost cutting initiative. If I leave work with a job every evening, I feel lucky. Karma doesn't come anywhere near this guy. This all went down about 2 years ago.

A couple of years ago, we were at lunch as a group. Our Director said an employee had jury duty. He was called to the juror box . When the lawyers asked him where he worked, the judge responded, "next week, I'm performing the wedding for your boss (the POS CEO) and his new fiance." The juror said, "I know all about that wedding. That was my wife". 

Different story:

I was told my CEO of the subsidiary is currently married to his secretary. They met while he was married. That guy just got promoted and is on his way downtown to work at the parent company. He'll be making at least $500K. The rumor is the new CEO of the subsidiary will be a woman who works closely with this guy but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what she does for a living. I don't know her well. Her situation may be legit. I shouldn't imply anything.


New story:

There is another guy who works here. I've always said to myself he looks divorced. He looks like a guy who was trying to get back in the game. He's in his late 40s. He has spikey hair and every time I see him, he seems to have more tattoos on his arms. He's like a union rep or something that has to do with the union in this office building. This isn't a manufacturing facility. They actually unionized office workers. The other day I saw him at lunch. I said to the women at our table that he looks divorced. They said he is divorced. Then they asked me if I wanted to hear what happened. Before I was able to decline, they told me anyway. 

Most places of business have a mother's room where women can go to pump when they return from maternity leave. It had a chair, a couch and at one time had a blood pressure monitor. Apparently what happened was this guy's wife was caught having sex with one of her co-workers on the couch in the mother's room. To sum that up, the POSOM had sex with his union rep's wife who was also an employee, on company property. Knowing what I know about unions, no one ever gets fired for anything. He may be on temporary leave but he will be back eventually if he has the nerve. They did however remove the couch from the mother's room.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

I don't think you can really compare the consequences for a WS and the OW/M. In reconciliation the WS has consequences almost every day. My H makes it up to me every day, of course every case is different, and the main reason I am able to R is because what he did was out of character and the circumstances of his life and health at the time put him in a very vulnerable state of mind. For him it is punishment enough to see what his betrayal did to me, and how it has affected our relationship. His health is still bad but he is working hard on recovery and rehabilitation, as well as working hard to be a good husband. And he is doing a good job at it too. 

The OW, on the other hand has done nothing to make up for what she did, she went after my husband, and encouraged him to leave me even though she had no interest in a relationship with him, she made fun of me and seamed to enjoy the thought of taking part in hurting me so deeply. 

I've never met this girl, and I have no interest in meeting her. I wish she didn't exist. I have no interest in delivering consequences to her, but I do wish that the next woman she does this to is someone who will expose her and show the world who she really is. That is all I want, for everyone to know that she gets off on competing with married women, and need to destroy families in order to feel better about herself. Or I want her to be a better person, to hate herself for what she did. So that she would never do this to anyone else. I know she has no obligation to me, I do however believe she has an obligation as a human being. 

I just remembered there was a time I wished for her to marry the worst terrorist in our country who is in prison, so that she would become the most hated woman within our borders. I felt if just everyone else would hate her I wouldn't have to...


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