# Need some techie advice



## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

So I have been watching my husbands activities very closely. Monitoring his mileage, watching his data use and comparing those and the times he leaves and returns and even his mood.

For those of you who don't know me, my husband of 28 years has multiple dating profiles online, and in retrospect, has for years, and I believe hooked up with one or more.

He was confronted and is not opening the mail on his favorite site. But I think the confrontation has caused him to go underground with his activities. 

My question, he has an iphone. He doesn't use the text on the phone, as we don't have a plan, and i know when he's using it.

He's doing something though, because whenever he leaves the house anywhere from 1kb, to 40 kb of data is sent. He has a yahoo account so I wondered if he was using messinger as his text mode. 

I see the same pattern withing 10-15 minutes of him calling me to tell me he's on his way home.

I know he still visits the sites because i see that the emails they send him have been opened. He doesn't use our computer anymore. I think he uses a friends computer that he visits nearly daily. I think he also uses his phone. 

His mileage is 2 miles off everyday, and when I first started tracking him, there were two occasions where it was almost 100 miles off. 

VAR reveals nothing. I am trying to figure out how to have a gps sent that he can't detect. 

Last night he called to say he was on his way home, after being gone for hours when the task he was trying to accomplish would only take one tops, and when I first answered I could have sworn I heard a woman laughing. He said it was the radio, which he just turned down.

I think I know who he's seeing. She lives down the street from me, and once when I had gone to a local store, she came whipping into the parking lot, and did a u-turn around my truck, with her head down, and left. (guess she didn't expect me) we drive a rare truck.

Can anyone tell me what mode of communication he is using that isn't phone calling, I think he's telling her when he's coming and going. She is married and owns a business about a mile from where he's supposed to be going everyday. 

I am stuck at home with a severly disabled person who I cannot throw into the car and search, as well, I have no one who can help me ( I have been isolated for years by his design) 

What could he be using?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

tons of apps

textfree for example

any number of messengers

what apps does he have?


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

I think I deleted textfree off his phone. I experimented with yahoo messinger for phones, it took too much data.

I downloaded the extractor. It doesn't show recent, and I'll have to pay for all the info off his phone. He's smart though. One of his ads said "must be willing to go long periods of time without contact, must be able to accept sex only, and must not need his money"

His mom was a prolific cheater. He's learned from the best. She told me once when I questioned her that he'll never tell, she taught him better, and it would be selfish to confess!

I'm stocking money away. But, I cant leave until I have absolute proof. I don't know why. I guess because the proof is the door closer for me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There's dozens of apps for VOIP, SMS, and messaging. Skype is the first one that pops in my head. Many of the dating sites also have email and chat functionality as well. 

Either he wants to work with you on your marriage, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, trying to figure out what he's up to will be tough. There are a number of small GPS devices that might help, though.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the ad isn't enough?!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

madwoman said:


> I think I deleted textfree off his phone. I experimented with yahoo messinger for phones, it took too much data.



Once you purchase an app through an iPhone you own it forever.
It can be deleted from the phone but just takes a minute to re-download it from iTunes as all your purchases are stored under your Apple ID in case you lose the phone or get a new one.

He may very well have another texting app on the iPhone.

The tough part is that many apps have texting/messaging capabilities even though it isn`t their main use.

For instance I think the iPhone scrabble app has messaging capabilities to talk while playing the game but it could be used for simple communication.
Facebook app also has messaging capabilities.

Many do.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Tough situation, he's an experienced cheater for sure. Lets see, 1-40k of data being sent at regular times. You deleted the one app, but like tacoma said, he can always redownload the app because its in his itunes account. However, the app is going to be more than 40k so you should be able to tell if he's been redownloading it and deleting it before he gets home. No messaging plan, so he's not texting. 

So getting the iPhone Backup Extractor is not going to help you in this case. Even Mobile Spy and MobiStealth are not going to help you much either, and they are difficult to install because you will have to jail break the phone. And those programs mostly record text messages and those cheating messaging apps can bypass these software. Those programs will only be able to record his web browsing history. Another drawback are those two are more expensive and use large amounts of data. You need to list what apps he has on the phone and you will need access to his itunes account so that those apps can be deleted permanently in itunes. 

What kind of data plan is it on? I suggest changing the data plan to the minimum amount, like 200MB per month. 

Geez, OW lives right down the street? There goes using the GPS feature in the phone because those are notoriously inaccurate. You will have to get a dedicated GPS device, those are more accurate than the GPS in the phone. 

And he has a toxic friend who is facilitating his behavior by letting him use his computer? 

Sorry, I'm stumped.


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## confusedne (Nov 27, 2011)

You can install eblaster on his cell phone which runs in stealth mode but also has a GPS feature. You get updates every 30 minutes that includes all incoming/outgoing calls and also you can put in key words which will update you immediately. Also any texts/chats you are updated immediately. Costs about $60 a year and he will never know it's running in the background. Very easy to install.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

eblaster is for blackerry and android devices. This one has an iPhone.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

Thanks everyone. Well, i did discover something, the phone pings off cell towers.

I drove the route he is supposed to be taking today to see what would happen with the data. It used 8gb, the only ap i used was music. dog on apple and their tracking. 

I know you strong people don't understand why I'm still here. I am not so sure myself. Maybe because i have no one else. NO ONE. 

I have started proceedings to move the disabled person I care for out of the house so I'm not so trapped. My intentions are to volunteer with the senior center in town, and with a local animal shelter. This is so I can get back out amoungst people on my terms. I have been taking care of this person who totally relies on me for 28 years.

I'm not so worried about money. I have talked to a D lawyer. I know our assets, I'd be able to eek through a divorce. I am working on me right now. IC, and working out, and reading here everyday helps with finding me again. We women tend to do for others before we do for us, and sometimes we get lost in it.

As to the iphone. I'm trying to figure out the patterns. There is something to it, mine seem to be random where as his are not. 

For instance while he was in the garage, his used 1kb. I have to hook his up to the computer to see what has happened since the last update back in march. 

When I have tried to talk about it he simply says no need beating a dead horse, we'll talk about it in MC. Thing is, he has yet to talk to his ptsd counselor about the MC, (VA requires referral from her for MC) I think he's affraid I'll correct all the lies about me he tells them to justify his behavior. (I'm fairly certain he has discussed his internet activity and my finding out by the notes she takes. she said he came in and announced he was getting a divorce) He got really upset when he had to get those records for his military medical exam. He was mad because it meant I would have access, but she only put that down, not what he said about it.

He has SEVERE PTSD. One of the issues they struggle with is impulse control. He has threatened suicide and attempted it once since he came home. I love the man. I really do. so you see, this is way complicated, and I am lost here somewhere. 

Sorry for rambling....ya'll are my only human contact except ic where i'm encouraged to not talk about it, but what I wanna do with myself now that i know about this stuff. makes me wanna tell her to stuff it. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. I grew up with keeping secrets, and NOT talking about molestation, and abuse and blaming myself for all of it, so yeah, it's hard and confusing.

ARGGGGG, I just wanna not even be. Can I just check out and stop existing? I don't think anyone will notice. I don't wanna kill myself. Just hit the off button you know, or DO OVER.....


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

confusedne said:


> You can install eblaster on his cell phone which runs in stealth mode but also has a GPS feature. You get updates every 30 minutes that includes all incoming/outgoing calls and also you can put in key words which will update you immediately. Also any texts/chats you are updated immediately. Costs about $60 a year and he will never know it's running in the background. Very easy to install.


Do you know the name? I looked at all the programs apple has, and most either don't stealth, eat up the battery, or are a rip off according to the reviews. I have no issue installing it on his phone, as all I have to do is say I found the music we lost and need to download the pics he's taken. He'll let me do that. 

EDIT: Duh, saw eblaster...I'll see if they have one for iphone yet.


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## Stilltrying1 (Dec 6, 2011)

Madwoman:

Please don't despair. You're going to get through this. DON"T GIVE UP!!


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

My thoughts are there's a website with a simple php interface (if at all - minimal on the data side) if he's doing this at all. I noticed on my last cell phone - anytime the browser was accidentally opened (unbeknownst to me as it was in my pocket) that 1K of use came across the bill (had to pay $2 as we didn't have a data plan, and we hadn't blocked data services yet).

The other thought I have if it's an Iphone on data usage would be WIFI access vs. cell towers. My android, once it leaves the range of my WIFI sends data (background) to the cell network and not sure of the sizes, but I imagine that the phone syncs back up with the cell network once off.

I actually think the contact with his "lover" takes place more through the friend's computer that he uses. 

Welcome Madwoman, you are certainly amongst friends here!

Sorry that you are going through this!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

madwoman said:


> My question, he has an iphone. He doesn't use the text on the phone, as we don't have a plan, and i know when he's using it.



Ok I kinda passed this by before but it sounds odd to me.

I have an iPhone through AT&T and a messaging/text/data plan is required in order to have the phone on contract.
I believe this is the same with Verizon and now Sprint as well as far as the iPhone is concerned.

The only situation I can think of where an iPhone doesn`t require a text plan is an unlocked iPhone which is rare.

If someone else knows more about this please straighten me out but I believe I`m correct.

Also, the last iOS update for the iPhone contained a new ability to text without using your texting minutes.

iMessage

If you and the person your texting both have an iOS or Mac (iPad,iPod,iPhone,Apple computer) device you can message each other without the messages ever showing up in your wireless companies call/text logs.

Do you have access to the computer he used to sync the phone?
All of his apps should be backed up in iTunes on that computer and you could have a look to see what apps have messaging capabilities to get a better idea.

Does he have an iPod?
He could be using that to communicate as well.
An iPod in a wireless network is every bit as good as an iPhone if one knows what apps to download for voice calls.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

If hrs got an iPhone you already have a gps on him all the time. Check out find my iPhone from apple
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> If hrs got an iPhone you already have a gps on him all the time. Check out find my iPhone from apple
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If the Apple ID assigned to his iPhone is under his e-mail he`ll get a notice e-mail that "Find my iPhone" was used to locate him.

He`ll know she`s tracking him.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

BrickHouse Security | Home Security Camera Systems | GPS Surveillance

they have everything you need, gps, keylogger,s cell phone recovery of delted texts etc etc...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> BrickHouse Security | Home Security Camera Systems | GPS Surveillance
> 
> they have everything you need, gps, keylogger,s cell phone recovery of delted texts etc etc...


I've used this companies GPS tracking services.
Excellent real time location feedback.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I have an iPhone through AT&T and a messaging/text/data plan is required in order to have the phone on contract.
> I believe this is the same with Verizon and now Sprint as well as far as the iPhone is concerned.
> 
> The only situation I can think of where an iPhone doesn`t require a text plan is an unlocked iPhone which is rare.
> ...


My fWWs iPhone is also thru AT&T, and yes, a data plan is mandatory if you bought it under contract. However, the text messaging plan is separate. When I got my phones, I thought that I could get rid of my text messaging plan since I had to get the data plans for the phones, that way I could save that extra $30. Unfortunately, text messaging is separate from the data plan, which I think is screwed up. So now if I want text, I have to keep the text messaging plan. Just another way for them to gouge you I guess. Now once the contract is over or if you use an unlocked phone, then you can get rid of the data plan. 

So its possible to have a data plan and not have text messaging.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> My fWWs iPhone is also thru AT&T, and yes, a data plan is mandatory if you bought it under contract. However, the text messaging plan is separate. When I got my phones, I thought that I could get rid of my text messaging plan since I had to get the data plans for the phones, that way I could save that extra $30. Unfortunately, text messaging is separate from the data plan, which I think is screwed up. So now if I want text, I have to keep the text messaging plan. Just another way for them to gouge you I guess.
> 
> So its possible to have a data plan and not have text messaging.


Thank you for straightening that out for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I am in the same boat- I don't pay for text messaging since I use the free texting app


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