# Doggiestyle Interuptus



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

When we were first married we had a great sex life. Any position was OK. Suddenly after 10 years my wife all the sudden says that she will not longer do doggiestyle or any position from behind because it makes her feel like a dog and is not as personable. She claims she was abused by a relative reaching down her pants from behind. All the sudden, I cannot even hug her from behind now because it makes her think of this. This is frustrating because it all the sudden stopped something I really liked in the relationship. 
The more I talk about it the more planted she becomes in her position. How do you get her to let loose or am I the one that is wrong for even wanting her to? It has been a few years since she stopped.


----------



## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

She was ok with it, then it had to stop? Seems unreasonable to me. Have you hounded her about it?


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

You poor poor guy. I would suggest she seek help. I could understand no sex from behind from being traumatized, but no hugging from behind? If its that traumatizing to her she has issues that probably should be addressed. Did you ask why she use to allow it?


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Laralie said:


> She was ok with it, then it had to stop? Seems unreasonable to me. Have you hounded her about it?


Yes. She will jab me or hit me if I try to hug her from behind.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

NoWhere said:


> You poor poor guy. I would suggest she seek help. I could understand no sex from behind from being traumatized, but no hugging from behind? If its that traumatizing to her she has issues that probably should be addressed. Did you ask why she use to allow it?


She says that now it feels degrading. Not sure why the sudden change.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> She says that now it feels degrading. Not sure why the sudden change.


That's ... different. My wife doesn't like the position because it hurts for her, hits her the wrong way. Degrading? Any history of sexual abuse in her past?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Hmm. I'd probably say, "Degrading? It's much too late to backtrack now!"


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

How is it degrading if she loves you and wants to make you happy. I'd say beyond some help for her I'd try and make bargains "If no doggie style then I get to do this"

Personally this would be a relationship stopper for me if she didn't seek help. While she may feel degraded what does that say about how she feels about you when you are the one performing the act.

Most women love this position as it hits their G-Spot and allows you to reach around and stimulate their #1 zone.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Stevenj,

Where do you get the ideas for all these weird stories that you post?

I mean we've got 

-sex to egg timers
-secretaries flashing their boobs at work
-secret sex code words
-sudden change in sexual behaviors
-a man with "no wee-wee"

You've got quite the creative mind. Or you've just got waay too much time on your hands.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So what are your ages? I think that your wife's total rationale about all of this is basically skewed. Either that, or she's hiding something!


Provided that she'll go, you both need MC, pronto!*


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Life without doggystyle is just not worth living.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Laralie said:


> She was ok with it, then it had to stop? Seems unreasonable to me. Have you hounded her about it?


Clever.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ask her to hug you standing behind you. Ask her to put her arms around your shoulders and hug/hold you. Ask her to do this often. After a while ask her if she feels like she is dominating you when she hugs you from behind. Open up the discussion that way.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Life without doggystyle is just not worth living.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ought to make a Tee shirt with that on it!


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Ought to make a Tee shirt with that on it!


Hmmm. I smell money....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Hmmm. I smell money....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get half!


----------



## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

I would question why everything was okay before, and now, all of a sudden, it's demeaning after 10 years. I'm not dismissing the abuse factor, but the timing is all wrong. It's like being an avid bicycle rider and then suddenly stopping because you crashed 10 years ago. This doesn't make any sense to me.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

op there are 100 positions in the kama sutra maybe its time to try something ells


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Man, that's one of the best. So much submission that way. 

Sorry to hear that. 
I don't understand either why all of a sudden?
Had she discussed this issue with you before this had arised?

There is something I learned in class about a trigger for something traumatizing happening to an individual but not knowing it for so many years later. Could this have possibly happened to her?


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Ask her to hug you standing behind you. Ask her to put her arms around your shoulders and hug/hold you. Ask her to do this often. After a while ask her if she feels like she is dominating you when she hugs you from behind. Open up the discussion that way.


Thanks. Let me try that one.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Did she not like that position before this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Ought to make a Tee shirt with that on it!


*I think that I could help you hawk a few of those right here in the midst of Aggieland!

That is, of course, that the 12th Man Foundation wouldn't demand a cut of the action!*


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Did she not like that position before this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She claims she realized it after 10 years. Did not have a problem before. Living life in a missionary position is just too punctilious.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You'r e not too, "ruff", with her are you? 

Darn, I told myself I wasn't going to do that. Crap..........


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Stevenj,
> 
> Where do you get the ideas for all these weird stories that you post?
> 
> ...


These are serious issues I have been dealing with. I am so glad I found this website because although they may sound funny, the advice here is invaluable. This is a follow on to one of my posts you did not mention - HD/LD Relationship Survival in which the doggiestyle issue did not get addressed. It is consistent with my original post. You guys are the best. I would vote this as my number one website.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> You'r e not too, "ruff", with her are you?
> 
> Darn, I told myself I wasn't going to do that. Crap..........


No. I have never even pulled her hair.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A man's best friend is his doggy!


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *I think that I could help you hawk a few of those right here in the midst of Aggieland!
> 
> That is, of course, that the 12th Man Foundation wouldn't demand a cut of the action!*


It figures that doggiestyle gets mentioned and the aggies jump right in......


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> Yes. She will jab me or hit me if I try to hug her from behind.


But does she hit you with a newspaper?

*C'mon!!!* I can't believe I beat you all to this one...


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> A man's best friend is his doggy!




Not really I prefer The Perch position my self !


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

xakulax said:


> Not really I prefer The Perch position my self !


Do tell.... I googled it and couldn't find a d*mn thing...


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

sparkyjim said:


> Do tell.... I googled it and couldn't find a d*mn thing...



100 sex positions | Kamasutra sex positions - Sex positions - kamasutra sex positions



Another honorable mention


http://www.wewomen.com/relationships/album897260/sex-positions-kamasutra-sex-positions-0.html#p64


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Remember to wear a helmet.


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Remember to wear a helmet.


:lol: yep....safe sex !!!


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maybe she's not lubricating enough and it's painful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What I can't understand is how it was cool for such a long time then all of a sudden, she's degraded. If her bad experience she had was that traumatic then she would have never let you hug her from behind when you two were dating and would have never let you have sex with her in that position. 

I'm in no way making light of sexual abuse but this doesn't seem to hold water.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Was she raped recently? Seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Sounds to me like she is not feeling very connected to you emotionally and that is why she is saying this, that position feels degrading and she wants missionary which is more intimate. I know this feeling all too well. When my X wanted to do fun stuff it made me feel degraded because he was not connected to me and treating me well in the relationship. Has she brought up anything unrelated to sex that is bothering her?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I felt bad for kidding around with you, but truthfully, my question was somewhat serious in nature. 

Some things I know about doggystyle and the women I've been with:

1. It does feel degrading at times. I've been told that. It's less intimate and sometimes, the woman I speak of, wanted more connection and love. That may be fun, once in a while, but intimacy is not really a part of that position. It's almost like, from what I was told, like giving a bj.

2. She obviously could have been molested in that position, except, it seems less likely, since she did it for a while. 

3. Like another member said, something could have happened very recently, in that position and she is triggered. 

2 and 3 would take some deep discussion and probably some conseling. 

1 is fairly easy to figure out. Just show her that you love her. Look into her eyes. Make love to her, don't just have sex. 

That's my best. Hope it helps. Anon usually is pretty darn good with advice, but no one really knows, except your wife.


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

xakulax said:


> 100 sex positions | Kamasutra sex positions - Sex positions - kamasutra sex positions
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good link....this should have a thread all of it's own...


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

sparkyjim said:


> Good link....this should have a thread all of it's own...


I think I will start one !


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> No. I have never even pulled her hair.


Can I ask, did something trigger her memory? :scratchhead:


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

over20 said:


> Can I ask, did something trigger her memory? :scratchhead:


Not that I know of, but I will ask her.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Isn't it possible that she could have had been molested? The effects are not linier in nature , according to several posts on TAM. There are crisises that seem to come out of nowhere. Probably having to do with a particular stage in life. Did you explore with her gently what may have happened. If she is not ready to talk about it then let her know that you love her and want her to live without the pain. 

It is interesting that your reaction to this revelation is not more sympathetic towards her. You don't show much interest in the fact that she is hurting now. No matter how creditable you think this is, it is certainly worth more concern about your wife. If she has been molested, I am certain you can get no pleasure out of doing something that brings up such painful memories. Perhaps the dynamics says something about how you relate to each other? 

It just seems so unloving to meet this revelation about something so traumatic with what seems to be lack of sympathy and incredulity. All over a sexual position. :=\
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stevenj said:


> Suddenly after 10 years my wife all the sudden says that she will not longer do doggiestyle or any position from behind because it makes her feel like a dog and is *not as personable. *


What a VERY odd excuse for not wanting to do it. Truly, one of the most bizarre I have ever heard.

I would just talk to her about how you feel. Has she gotten IC for her the past abuse she endured?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Going by this and some other things you've posted, it sounds like she's losing interest in you and using these things as excuses to create distance. Not that she couldn't have been molested in the past, but it does seem odd that this becomes an issue now. If you think that may be true, the question is why? An affair, maybe?


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Steven - I can relate to you wife in some ways. I love doggie though but do not like for my H to touch my breasts. 

I have a history of rape and CSA in my past and I have been married for 20 years. When my H and I hit the 15 yr mark in our relationship, things I tolerated I could no longer stand. The rape triggers came rushing back and I have no longer let my H touch my breasts since. 

He is very confused as well as to why something I appeared to like so much I now hate. How did this happen? Well let me tell you how this happened. 

I finally felt a safe emotional connection with my husband, don't ask why it took 15 years to get to that point. Any way, after reaching that safe emotional point all these things from the past came rushing back. We can't control when this stuff resurfaces in our brains. So on the plus side, maybe your wife finally feels safe and comfortable enough with you to tell you she doesn't like this. And not only that she doesn't like it but she gave you a reason why. 

My H is very confused as to why I used to like sex and I used to like him touching my breasts. I told him the truth and it killed me to tell him but I love him and he deserves to know. All those years my body responded to the stimulation, (much like it did in the rape and time of abuse) but just because my body responded you have no idea what kind of hell my mind was going threw. Each and every time I relived rape and abuse silently in my mind and he never knew. Now that he knows he misses that part of our love life. I think boobs in my H's case is more like his personal playground. I don;t want to play that. Yes it still does something physically for me, but it is not worth the mental hell. 

My H always wants to know will he ever be able to miss with my breasts again or will they be off limits forever. I can only tell him I don't know. I do know the more he asks, and pressures me to allow that the more I feel like it is not going to happen. 

I did get counseling for the rape around the time I let my H know I didn't like this. T helped me so much, and it helped him to by letting him know why I do the things I do and how to relate to me and avoid triggers. 

It is not uncommon at all for someone who has been in a position your wife has to not want touches of any kind from behind. Sex, hugs, anything. I on the other hand am the opposite. My abuser made me look at him and wanted to see my face as he hurt me. So I can't be hugged from the front. I have to have everything from behind. It made it personal from the front, and I can't handle that. So hugs from behind allows me to have my own feelings and be safe to roll my eyes, or sigh, or to have my heart melt and enjoy. 

I know nothing I have said here really helped most likely, but know that you are not alone in your struggle. And your wife is not behaving in a manner that is unheard or. You are a husband suffering from the abuse someone else dished out on her, and she has her own mental demons. Good luck to the both of you. 

My only advice is the less you push the issue the sooner she will be receptive to that again . She may allow it again soon, it may takes years, you will just have to wait patiently. I know waiting sucks, but it is what it is.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maybe she meant too impersonal? Little eye and body contact involved. Did she ever express a preference for more intimate contact skin to skin contact or for looking into your eyes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

You know I just re read the part about doggie not being as personable. That means she wants to know it is you, she needs to see you. To me that says she can't keep focused and is reminded of someone else when it is from behind. 

As much as this sucks, the fact that she is willing to have sex and that she wants to SEE YOU is a plus. Thats just how I see it.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

When your wife said "I do"....
What she meant was "I do not have to do doggy any more".

This is not CSA, abuse, rape etc. This is the common problem that wives stop doing certain sexual things. They stop doing all the fun things they did when you were either dating, newly married and prior to having kids.They stop giving blow jobs. They stop doing anal. They stop having any form of sex if the house is not spotless and the room temperature is not between 71.9 and 72.1 degrees. 

Now, why does this happen? There are two reasons.
1. Women don't value sex the way men value sex. This is becuase all their life, 99% of the men they ever met wanted to have sex with them. So men wanting sex means nothing to them. A man on the other hand only got sex from the 1% of women he hit on. Therefore a woman granting access is special to the man.
2. Men, in trying to keep their wife happy, allow this. Example in your case, your wife needed to be told that it's incredibly insulting for you her husband to be compared to a man who abused her.

So the first thing you need to do is teach her that marital sex is wonderful, special and important as opposed to degrading and being used as your personal masturbation machine.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hicks said:


> When your wife said "I do"....
> What she meant was "I do not have to do doggy any more".


Actually, he said it is a recent thing.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Hicks said:


> When your wife said "I do"....
> What she meant was "I do not have to do doggy any more".
> 
> This is not CSA, abuse, rape etc. This is the common problem that wives stop doing certain sexual things. They stop doing all the fun things they did when you were either dating, newly married and prior to having kids.They stop giving blow jobs. They stop doing anal. They stop having any form of sex if the house is not spotless and the room temperature is not between 71.9 and 72.1 degrees.
> ...


Check out this thread on stats on whether women like sex or men. It is about 2 to 1 that the men have the higher sex drive in the relationship than the women. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/178866-hd-ld-relationship-survival.html


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What do you suggest he do? Telling her that all woman stuff will not make her feel less like his masturbitory device. In fact, making blanket assumptions about marital vows and behaving as if access to her lady bits is paramount in this situation may be counterproductive. 

It is not outside the realm of possibility that she has experienced abuse. Why assume motives that will not help them to progress. Accusations won't get him anywhere. Some gentle loving probing may. There is some reason for this change. 

You don't know why it has happened. Approach it with an open mind and with love. That or follow some of the advice above and see if that increases or decreases the connection with your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> Accusations won't get him anywhere. Some gentle loving probing may. There is some reason for this change. You don't know why it's happened. Approach it with an open mind and with love. That or follow some of the advice above and see if that increases or decreases the connection with your wife.


Yep, that's what I think. Only she knows why. Could be any of these things or could even be that she is seeing someone else, but I'd rather think that she is not because she'd likely want you to do doggy, if she wanted to feel like she was not connected to you any more. That way she could much more easily believe you don't love her and slowly break free of the marriage.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *I think that I could help you hawk a few of those right here in the midst of Aggieland!
> 
> That is, of course, that the 12th Man Foundation wouldn't demand a cut of the action!*


Sometimes ...no...lots of times I wonder if Texas isn't really a foreign country. Had to look up Aggieland and 12th man foundation. Fine, the boosters club gets 12%.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Maybe she meant too impersonal? Little eye and body contact involved. Did she ever express a preference for more intimate contact skin to skin contact or for looking into your eyes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Catherine I think you've nailed it.

There are other women who have posted here that have agreed that they don't like doggy because it is too impersonal due to the lack of eye contact or ability to kiss.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Catherine I think you've nailed it.
> 
> There are other women who have posted here that have agreed that they don't like doggy because it is too impersonal due to the lack of eye contact or ability to kiss.


From a guys perspective, the most sensitive parts of the guy is under the penis which gives a different sensation in that position. I guess a rearview mirror would not help to get the eye contact.


----------



## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Sometimes ...no...lots of times I wonder if Texas isn't really a foreign country. Had to look up Aggieland and 12th man foundation. Fine, the boosters club gets 12%.


No need to wonder -- it is!


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Sometimes ...no...lots of times I wonder if Texas isn't really a foreign country. Had to look up *Aggieland* and *the 12th Man Foundation.* Fine, the boosters club gets 12%.


*"12" always seems to be such a very special, hallowed number with those folks. Unless, of course, some well-heeled alumnus wants to shell out a little more!

Too damn bad that the Aggie students there see little to none of that money!*


----------



## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> When we were first married we had a great sex life. Any position was OK. Suddenly after 10 years my wife all the sudden says that she will not longer do doggiestyle or any position from behind because it makes her feel like a dog and is not as personable. She claims she was abused by a relative reaching down her pants from behind. All the sudden, I cannot even hug her from behind now because it makes her think of this. This is frustrating because it all the sudden stopped something I really liked in the relationship.
> The more I talk about it the more planted she becomes in her position. How do you get her to let loose or am I the one that is wrong for even wanting her to? It has been a few years since she stopped.


We never got to do “doggie” much (I hate that term) and then ultimately a year or so into our marriage Ms. Spin told me it was uncomfortable/hurt. Ms. Spin also had some “bad” sexual experiences although I wouldn’t say rape in the technical sense.

As time has gone by, I’d say that for Ms. Spin at least, it is an issue of control and vulnerability and I’m good with that. Sex is much better when everybody is having a good time.


----------



## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

I have had old sexual abuse resurface after years, even after having been 'treated' for them with therapy. It never goes away completely but gets burried and then the memories/emotions can pop up again by triggers; a certain touch, voice, approach or even dreams. 

Sometimes I have emotional flashbacks during sex and I cry and feel like I need to push my hubby off of me. 

Give her some space, lots of love and warmth, smiles and eventually it will pass.

Making love instead of just having sex makes a big difference too.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Making love instead of just having sex makes a big difference too.


:iagree:


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I understand being traumatized from past sexual abuse. What I don't understand is why she hasn't been taught how to separate her past from her present.Why she hasn't been shown the mental tools needed to separate you,her husband,from the person/people who hurt her.

Either she hasn't been shown or she hasn't learned how to apply it. 

"doggy" style can be very intimate. It doesn't have to be done on all fours w/the man behind gripping your hips. try it with both of you lying down.She can turn her head to the side and you can kiss her all over her shoulders,neck,and cheeks and whisper loving things to her. You can even hold her hands in that position. Or she can prop up on her elbows and you can wrap your arms under hers and hold her. 

So many variations to obtain intimacy in that position. 

It's so incredibly odd that she's triggering like this out of nowhere. 

Did she have a memory type dream or something??


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

roof roof .......squeel like a pig roof roof.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> "doggy" style can be very intimate. It doesn't have to be done on all fours w/the man behind gripping your hips. try it with both of you lying down.She can turn her head to the side and you can kiss her all over her shoulders,neck,and cheeks and whisper loving things to her.


Oh that sounds nice.

I also think this position is really intense, from a sensory POV.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It really is. It gives the man freedom to put kisses all down the woman's back and over her butt while still have his hands roaming. It doesn't have be all about domination and roughness when it comes to sex from behind. Even standing at the side of the bed and bending over can be intimate. You can lay your upper body on the bed and he can bend over your body and hold you. Having a bed that can be seen from the big master bath mirror is even better  You can make eye contact that way and watch each other move. fantastic!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I just think you feel it more/in a different way. It is VERY intense. Least that has been my experience.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I understand being traumatized from past sexual abuse. What I don't understand is why she hasn't been taught how to separate her past from her present.Why she hasn't been shown the mental tools needed to separate you,her husband,from the person/people who hurt her.


Hummm, interesting. Have you been in sexually abused. Any one who has I can almost guarantee, that they do not choose for their sex lives to be ruined by an old memory/trigger. 

It is quite difficult to change how a smell, or a sound, a whisper, a touch, a kiss, or a tone of voice can trigger you. It can turn a pleasant sexual experience into a rerun of the abuse. Night mares and flashbacks only add to that mental hell. 

It can spiral out of control very quickly and leave you in ruins. During sex sometimes I cry. Sometimes it is after sex and don't know why, I can't give my husband an explanation. It's horrible. 

In short I am just saying it is not as easy as saying well why don't you have the tools to deal with that, or stop thinking about it, or get over it already. It is just not that easy.


----------



## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I am a huge advocate for daily sex in a marriage. However, I am not a huge advocate for oral sex, anal, or positions. Not that I do not enjoy every possible position or experience, I just can't find logic or reason to support my need for different positions. I explain to my spouse that sex and intimacy is important but thankfully she has always been open to different positions. For years she wasn't into anal and her oral had no real enthusiasm, and as convincing as I can be, there was nothing that I could say that would have made sense.

Sorry I can't help. If she was to cut of sex in general, that would be a whole different thing. Past abuse or not.


----------



## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> It really is. It gives the man freedom to put kisses all down the woman's back and over her butt while still have his hands roaming. It doesn't have be all about domination and roughness when it comes to sex from behind. Even standing at the side of the bed and bending over can be intimate. You can lay your upper body on the bed and he can bend over your body and hold you. Having a bed that can be seen from the big master bath mirror is even better  You can make eye contact that way and watch each other move. fantastic!


My wife prefers doggy or anal because of those very reasons. She absolutely prefers having her back, neck, and shoulders licked and kissed non stop. She also likes to hold my head into her neck during climax..... anyway. It definitely can be extremely intimate. However, position is so subjective and if his wife feels like a dog, what can he do? I mean, he can't ignore the idea that she feels like a dog.

Sex is all mental and obvious her attitude of feeling like a dog is extremely negative. Maybe from the abuse, or maybe because she just wants to have the power over what positions you can do on her. I hate to say it, but if you were still "new" to her, she probably would do everything she says she hates to do, and love it. Which makes me sad.

I do find her attitude extremely prude. Pride, ego, and closed minds ruin sex. The idea that she feels she is a dog rather than a goddess is horrible. I mean, a woman giving oral sex can say, "I feel like I am your servant and I look like a mosquito with this thing in my mouth." Okay, yea you do. However, while doing anything intimate with my wife, no matter how silly or wild she acts, no matter how much she lets her guard down to look completely insane circling her head as she sucks or moaning loudly for no real reason while she sucks, like my penis actually has a taste..... I find it as the most beautiful she can look. I see that vulnerable moment as goddess status. The more silly she would appear, the more amazing she becomes to me.

Women wonder why guys masturbate to porn while women seem to be degrading themselves doing the dumbest things possible.... ... TO THEM. To us, it's insane how we register it as a thing of pure beauty. Of course, I would rather see my wife do it than some strange woman to a guy for money. Just saying.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

:lol:
... a mosquito ...


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Big Mama said:


> Hummm, interesting. Have you been in sexually abused. Any one who has I can almost guarantee, that they do not choose for their sex lives to be ruined by an old memory/trigger.
> 
> It is quite difficult to change how a smell, or a sound, a whisper, a touch, a kiss, or a tone of voice can trigger you. It can turn a pleasant sexual experience into a rerun of the abuse. Night mares and flashbacks only add to that mental hell.
> 
> ...


Actually,BigMama,I am a survivor of childhood abuse. So I know the road to recovery and all the setbacks that can be suffered. No one is saying get over it already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Coldie said:


> My wife prefers doggy or anal because of those very reasons. She absolutely prefers having her back, neck, and shoulders licked and kissed non stop. She also likes to hold my head into her neck during climax..... anyway. It definitely can be extremely intimate. However, position is so subjective and if his wife feels like a dog, what can he do? I mean, he can't ignore the idea that she feels like a dog..


Oh ffs. I was not saying he should ignore it. I was pointing out ways he could help her understand it doesn't have to be about such negative feelings. If she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

All right I've held out long enough : You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals.................


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Scarlet, I am sorry that you know the hell of abuse. I just wanted to make sure you were not another person saying get over it. It appears you are further in your healing then I am. I am happy for you. Hopefully one day I will be where you are. I have only been dealing with my rape stuff for about 2 years now and the CSA 6 mo, even though it all happened a VERY long time ago. So I have work to do and a while to go on fecovering. But slow and steady wins the race.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hey, Stevenj, as much as we joke around, you can see we do take it seriously. There have been lots of good suggestions, even women trying to tell you to try a little different position that helps your wife feel a little better and helps you too. 

How about an update, when you get the chance to work on this a little?


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

I really appreciate it. I am out of town for a few weeks and will let you know when I get back. Thanks.


----------



## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> It really is. It gives the man freedom to put kisses all down the woman's back and over her butt while still have his hands roaming. It doesn't have be all about domination and roughness when it comes to sex from behind. Even standing at the side of the bed and bending over can be intimate. You can lay your upper body on the bed and he can bend over your body and hold you. Having a bed that can be seen from the big master bath mirror is even better  You can make eye contact that way and watch each other move. fantastic!


Like this approach very much...

Gf and I like to spoon, especially in the morning waking up (actually never met a woman who didn't).

What happens a lot then is she reaching behind her and fondling my morning wood... and then slipping it in her wet self for some slow and tender love making... mmmm.

VERY intimate indeed, kissing and touching her everywhere with my right hand... while technically a form of doggie.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

My wife always liked it, in fact it was a standard for us. No coercion from me necessary


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

EasyPartner said:


> Like this approach very much...
> 
> Gf and I like to spoon, especially in the morning waking up (actually never met a woman who didn't).
> 
> .


So is my issue an outlier or do other wives/SO have issues with not wanting to do doggie and just going Vanilla?


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I was very uncomfortable doing doggie as a younger woman, it's a very odd position to be in, very vulnerable as the woman. I wasn't ready for that until H and I were in a very good place and I felt completely safe and accepted by him.

We also have to take a few minutes to adjust the angle because if I'm standing up and just bent at the waist it can really hurt. I keep adjusting and I let H know when we are good to go. Ironically, now I enjoy doggie but H doesn't care for it....


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> So is my issue an outlier or do other wives/SO have issues with not wanting to do doggie and just going Vanilla?


I have no problem with it bc I trust DH completely. In past relationships I had a huge problem with it and rarely agreed to do it that way. But I've made massive progress with my issues since then. Doing it with DH is exciting,erotic,and sensual.

It could be the therapy...or it could be that he's just a fantastic lover and extremely trustworthy. Or all the above!


----------



## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

No issues at all with this position !!! Something about it that makes it kinda ummmm naughty and sexy at the same time ahem ahem !!

It seems that a lot of guys do enjoy this position as well ......... I had to always tell them NOT to pull on the hair too hard hhmmmmm !?!?!?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Wife and I don't do it all that often, but more so now than when we were newly married and typically when she's at her most "out of control" and unlike Elaine, she insists I pull her hair... hard.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

STBW has always enjoyed doggie with me...great for a little hair pulling, ass slapping, shoulder biting. However, we recently discovered doing it cross ways on the water bed...I can brace my feet and she can brace her with her hands...takes pounding to a whole new level, and throw in the full length mirror on the bathroom door...


----------



## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Its sexy and I personally like it. Maybe is no so much romantic but sex life must be interesting in my opinion.


----------



## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

OK. So I had a chance to talk and the reason for the stopping after so long is she said she has never felt comfortable and decided to speak up for herself. It makes her feel like a dog and is not very personal. Ouch. I told it was taking something away that I like very much. So who should get their way in this case?:scratchhead:


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Big Mama said:


> Steven - I can relate to you wife in some ways. I love doggie though but do not like for my H to touch my breasts.
> 
> I have a history of rape and CSA in my past and I have been married for 20 years. When my H and I hit the 15 yr mark in our relationship, things I tolerated I could no longer stand. The rape triggers came rushing back and I have no longer let my H touch my breasts since.
> 
> ...



This post totally hit a nerve with me, as my wife did something very similar. 

I have a question for the poster: what would you suggest your husband do? Accept that he will no longer have something he loved and be done with it? I'm not trying to make light of your situation, I'm just trying to understand what you are expecting of your husband.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

What I have done now is on occasions that I feel like I can mentally tolerate him touching my breasts I do allow it. My H can touch the parts of my breasts that cause no sensations. The sides, the tops, squeeze gently, and such but he cannot touch the nipples. For now that does seem to partially satisfy his need to be allowed back on the playground  

The look of lust on his face also scares me, that is another part of why I don't like him touching my breasts. I haven't figured out what to do in that case yet. 

DING DING DING: I just had a mental moment, what If he stood behind me and touched my breasts, still not the nipples, but I might could tolerate him touching the rest of my breasts for a longer period of time, because I can't see his face. 

That is what I love about writing, it helps you process things in a different manner. Some times you get a Duhhh !!!!! moment.

In hind sight the question you had may not have been about breasts, it may have been about anything sexual in general. I guess my advice to you is ask her what can she tolerate. What specifically is it that she cannot deal with. 

My H used to ask at night when we were laying there, when will I be able to touch you again, to me and this is just to me, that is not the time to ask. That sparks a fear in me. You are asking and I am going to be expected to meet your needs. If you are thinking about it enough to ask your body as a man has already "rose to the occasion" and I can't always deal with that. Again for me, and this is just me, when we are getting ready to have sex he can ask me can I touch your breasts, since the boundaries have already been set and I have already agreed to sex it is a much better time for him to ask. That way I don't feel like I am going to be roped into something I don't want. Sex is hard enough, but to be asked can I touch them makes me feel like a failure. I am denying someone something they want. And by most rights should be allowed to partake in. That just makes me feel guilty. That is why it is best that my H ask when we are getting ready to have sex. At that point all I have to say is "no" which is a very hard little two letter word to say.

If your wife says yes to anything PLEASE pay attention to her body language. If her words say yes and her body language says no, then the answer is really NO. Your words can lie, or your words can contain to much thought, (a YES because you know that a NO will hurt someone) but body language doesn't lie.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> OK. So I had a chance to talk and the reason for the stopping after so long is she said she has never felt comfortable and decided to speak up for herself. It makes her feel like a dog and is not very personal. Ouch. I told it was taking something away that I like very much. So who should get their way in this case?:scratchhead:


Well then tell her to compromise on it since she deceived you. Maybe try giving her a mind blowing orgasm then flip her over and finish that way. If she makes a big deal about it tell her that she shouldn't have deceived you about being ok with it. 

No idea how much of a deal breaker this is for you or not. For me this position isn't a go to anyway so if I had to limit it to "on occasion " wouldn't bother me too much. But If I was married to a woman who always gave bj then years later decided ....ohh by the way never liked giving these and we are done with this.....ummm no it's time to talk.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

of'course the compromise deceived you. She loves you and sacrificed her own needs for yours. Is that such a bad thing. Then she couldn't take it anymore and said I really don't like to do that. 

That is like eating your mama's squash casserole and she thinks you love it and after all the years you decide you just can't do it anymore. And you tell mama a she feels deceived. What do you do, eat it forever and hate it every time and have it be filled with dread, or speak up and know you have hurt someone else feelings. There is no way both parties win. Mama is hurt, you are glad you no longer have to eat it. But you are hurt because you hurt moms feelings and she is hurt because she felt lied to. 

Just remember to look at both sides of the story. That is all I am saying. 

As far as giving her a mind blowing O and flip her over and finish the job, I don't know that adding cheese, butter and salt to the casserole would make it any better. Just like adding a great bit O might not make it any better. But then again it might. Butter, cheese, and salt make a lot of things more tolerable. As do O's.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Big Mama said:


> of'course the compromise deceived you. She loves you and sacrificed her own needs for yours. Is that such a bad thing. Then she couldn't take it anymore and said I really don't like to do that.
> 
> That is like eating your mama's squash casserole and she thinks you love it and after all the years you decide you just can't do it anymore. And you tell mama a she feels deceived. What do you do, eat it forever and hate it every time and have it be filled with dread, or speak up and know you have hurt someone else feelings. There is no way both parties win. Mama is hurt, you are glad you no longer have to eat it. But you are hurt because you hurt moms feelings and she is hurt because she felt lied to.
> 
> ...


So let's say, all of the sudden, out of the blue, the OP told his wife he no longer wanted to have any kind of deep conversations, and he just wanted light, fluff-filled conversations. This change is due to past issues with deep conversations and not liking deep conversations. Would you tell his wife to just deal with it and look at both sides of the story? 

At some point both people's needs are important. If this issue is important for each person and they are at opposite philosophical ends, then they probably shouldn't be together. Otherwise it would appear they need to compromise in some way.


----------



## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> When we were first married we had a great sex life. Any position was OK. Suddenly after 10 years my wife all the sudden says that she will not longer do doggiestyle or any position from behind because it makes her feel like a dog and is not as personable. She claims she was abused by a relative reaching down her pants from behind. All the sudden, I cannot even hug her from behind now because it makes her think of this. This is frustrating because it all the sudden stopped something I really liked in the relationship.
> The more I talk about it the more planted she becomes in her position. How do you get her to let loose or am I the one that is wrong for even wanting her to? It has been a few years since she stopped.


I don't know if anyone has posted anything similar to what I am about to say. If so, do a disregard with this post.

To the poster I will preface my post with the following. What I am about to say has no reflection on your person whatsoever. I am responding to the content of your post.

I have a friend who eventually despised the sexual position, doggie style, with her husband. Like yourself, she and her husband engaged the sexual position as well as others, for years into their marriage. But here was her thing- After some time passed in their relationship, no matter how kind or sweet he was to her, (and he was in every way) she secretly believed her husband was gay, but never shared with him her thoughts until it was too late. Secretly she loathed not only doggie style sex, but *any *reminder of what she thought provoked homosexual thoughts in her husband. From activities to pictures, movies or certain sports.. You name it. She would have a natural born fit if she thought her husband was being sexually stimulated by male visual externals. I have seen her in action! 

I know this couple well. And I love them both. My girlfriend's goal was to, in stealth, help break her husband's homosexual tendencies, but for the wrong reasons. To maintain status. She offered him sex anytime he wanted it to help break him, but is was always always always missionary style she wrote. Still, her motives were mostly for the wrong reasons. I don't want to imply she cared nothing for her husband. At one time she cared deeply for him. But-- Her reactions to homosexual activity was so over the top she eventually brought attention to others about why such explosive type reactions?? The man bent over backwards for my girlfriend and if he slipped even a little concerning his shows of affection, she went off the deep end. 

What was even crazier about this couple's situation was, her husband's knack for flirting. She wrote, (and there is a part of me that do not care if she stumbles upon this site and recognize I may be the one who created this particular post). Her husband's flirting didn't bother her much, she wrote- "I would react to it if his flirting made me look like a fool, but for the most part, she wrote. "I knew his deepest desire was for men."

I am sure, OP, this is not your case. It doesn't sound like it. But as I began reading your post, the couple I wrote about came to mind. Your words sound so, so much like my girlfriend's they startled me a little. I do hope you are able to enjoy again with your mate, the tender moments described in your post!


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So let's say, all of the sudden, out of the blue, the OP told his wife he no longer wanted to have any kind of deep conversations, and he just wanted light, fluff-filled conversations. This change is due to past issues with deep conversations and not liking deep conversations. Would you tell his wife to just deal with it and look at both sides of the story?
> 
> At some point both people's needs are important. If this issue is important for each person and they are at opposite philosophical ends, then they probably shouldn't be together. Otherwise it would appear they need to compromise in some way.


Ok lets say my friend says to his wife, ya know, I don't want to have any more in depth conversations with you. It is just to triggering. In order for our marriage to work you must respect me on this.

I guess I would advise my friend to ask why, find out why, to try to meet his needs and to accept this to the best of her ability. When the need does arise for in depth conversation she should let him know in advance, don't just spring it on him. And ask would this be a good time to talk in depth. If he says NO, Never again and that is my finial answer, then I would seek the assistance of a professional T or a moderator. 

Is that really an issues so bad that it could cause a marriage to end. If someone were to ask you "Man what happened, why did you guys get a divorce? Your answer would be "She didn't want to do it doggie anymore". Really!!! Is there nothing that holds you to together.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Big Mama said:


> Ok lets say my friend says to his wife, ya know, I don't want to have any more in depth conversations with you. It is just to triggering. In order for our marriage to work you must respect me on this.
> 
> I guess I would advise my friend to ask why, find out why, to try to meet his needs and to accept this to the best of her ability. When the need does arise for in depth conversation she should let him know in advance, don't just spring it on him. And ask would this be a good time to talk in depth. If he says NO, Never again and that is my finial answer, then I would seek the assistance of a professional T or a moderator.
> 
> Is that really an issues so bad that it could cause a marriage to end. If someone were to ask you "Man what happened, why did you guys get a divorce? Your answer would be "She didn't want to do it doggie anymore". Really!!! Is there nothing that holds you to together.


 I think the response would be that they were not sexual compatable. Not the specifics of doggy style. 

People place different importance levels on sex and certain sex acts for marriages. Some would say no big loss to a position or thing others would say it was an absolute deal breaker ...... Like having kids or certain hobbies or goals in life and on and on. It's really up the the individual and couple. For me personally sex and willingness to travel are not compromisable things. 

The other issue is the lying. It's not the same to be polite and pretend to enjoy something you mom makes for food and lying about a sexual act that your partner loves, pretending you love it as well,then years later saying no more. That's called the bait and switch. Again definable how much of a deal breaker this would be for the individuals involved


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It amazes me how little appreciation and sympathy she gets for doing this for him for years. Why is that? Her feelings don't matter as much as his "need" for doggy style? 

Is she required to have her body used any way that pleases him because she is does not matter. I think it is great she stick up for herself. Sounds like she needs to do that, her husband certainly does not concern himself about her. If he had any love for her, he would not be able to have an orgasm doing something that makes her feel so bad. 
My He would have to regard he as an object with no feeling. 

IT would be better for both of them if his first response to her revelation was to express appreciation for all the years that she.

His second response should be to let her express how she feels. Be caring and loving. Work with her to find a compromise that overcomes some of her reservations but he can still enjoy. Try sexual position from behind that has more skin contact and caress her lovingly. 

Spoon position, her laying face down and him from behind. He can rest on his hand and caress her. who knows, if he shows he cares to do something for her the way she did something for him, she might do it sometimes.

Of course he could complain, demand, force, coerce and in the end D and look for another dog.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> It amazes me how little appreciation and sympathy she gets for doing this for him for years. Why is that? Her feelings don't matter as much as his "need" for doggy style?
> 
> Is she required to have her body used any way that pleases him because she is does not matter. I think it is great she stick up for herself. Sounds like she needs to do that, her husband certainly does not concern himself about her. If he had any love for her, he would not be able to have an orgasm doing something that makes her feel so bad.
> My He would have to regard he as an object with no feeling.
> ...


Personally I am amazed at the lack of ability to try to find a compromise. I don't see this as some "special treat" she is doing for him. It is a sexual act that they BOTH share in. Marriages should not be places where one person lays down a law or refuses to do something without input or discussion with the other person. Compromise is key to a successful marriage, in my opinion.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Personally I am amazed at the lack of ability to try to find a compromise. I don't see this as some "special treat" she is doing for him. It is a sexual act that they BOTH share in. Marriages should not be places where one person lays down a law or refuses to do something without input or discussion with the other person. Compromise is key to a successful marriage, in my opinion.


Apparently, you are not amazed enough. Can you suggest a compromise? I did. She did do him a special treat, she did something she did not like for years just because he liked it. She gets no credit for her loving act. In fact she is expected to do it no matter how she feels. Is he more important in the BOTH share equation?. 

Sex is not a sacrifice. It's supposed to be fun, safe and pleasurable for men and woman. If she wanted to switch up and peg him every time they had doggy style sex, what do you think then? 

"It is a sexual act that they BOTH share in." No, there is your mistake. Sex is a mutually satisfying intimate activity in a loving relationship. It is not a bunch of sex acts strung together. Besides, how can one person have an orgasm knowing that their partner feels degraded? How do you do that? 

Based on this post and others like it, the best thing woman can do is to be very careful about sex acts you try. It's better not to try anything that sounds even remotely unpleasant. You may try something once and not like it or your taste will change. It seems that some men have a hard time accepting that their partner should have as much enjoyment as they.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Apparently, you are not amazed enough. Can you suggest a compromise? I did. She did do him a special treat, she did something she did not like for years just because he liked it. She gets no credit for her loving act. In fact she is expected to do it no matter how she feels. Is he more important in the BOTH share equation?.
> 
> Sex is not a sacrifice. It's supposed to be fun, safe and pleasurable for men and woman. If she wanted to switch up and peg him every time they had doggy style sex, what do you think then?
> 
> ...


By your comment, no one should ever do anything they are not 100% interested in. So, if the guy decides he no longer wants to cuddle, no longer wants to have any interaction with her family, etc..she should just be grateful he ever did in the first place. 

I'm sorry, but humans are more complex than that. I'll say it again, there needs to be some awareness by BOTH parties in a marriage. If one of the partners really likes to cuddle and the other refuses, what should they do? I guess the woman should never expect the guy to cuddle. She shouldn't feel sad about never being able to cuddle with him, since he hates that. Right?

These black and white rules are ridiculous. There needs to be some compromise. Marriage should not be about each side laying down deal breakers.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Apparently, you are not amazed enough. Can you suggest a compromise? I did. She did do him a special treat, she did something she did not like for years just because he liked it. She gets no credit for her loving act. In fact she is expected to do it no matter how she feels. Is he more important in the BOTH share equation?.
> 
> Sex is not a sacrifice. It's supposed to be fun, safe and pleasurable for men and woman. If she wanted to switch up and peg him every time they had doggy style sex, what do you think then?
> 
> ...


And if you think every sex act is mutually satisfying, you are wrong. As a guy, I love to give oral sex, but there is no way it is mutually satisfying all the time. I guess my wife should never expect oral sex again. Boy, she will be disappointed to hear this.


----------

