# I feel so alone



## pyramidchick (Jun 25, 2012)

I feel so alone and can't talk to anyone that knows me. I am on the verge of giving up on life as it is so painful right now for me. I simply cannot take much more.

I have been married for 4 years - I married at age 42. My husband paid for invitro for me using donor eggs and we are parents to twin boys. I am their mother that gave birth to them regardless if I am not their biological mother. We have told no one - only we know and the doctor. I am dealing with my own issues with that...it is hard when people look at you and your kids and do not see any resembelence. 

My husband has been verbally abusing me for the past two years every weekend. Even a simple question of " would you like some breakfast?" sets him off and the cuss words come out. He does this in front of our sons which are 2 1/2. Of course I get upset and then one of my son's starts to cry uncontrollably.

I simply can not endure this treatment anymore for the sake of my kids and I would like to divorce him. I wish we could do this amicably. 

My husband is now trying to use then fact that I am not the biological mother against me. I have asked calmly to talk about separating as we no longer get along. He says go ahead and file the paper work and that everyone will know that I am not my sons' mother. You see, I do not want a war. I just want to be an adult and go my own way.

I have said to him today that if he is so spiteful then go right ahead and tell everyone I am not the biological mother why wait until the divorce. What is it to prove? Does he think he will get sole custody? I know my rights and if I have to become the spokes person for all women out there that have donor egg children then so be it.

I am just so sick, tired, scared, and feel all alone. I want to tell my family myself but I am scared.... There is more to this story but that is all I can type right now without breaking down at the seams.

Thanks for reading.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, honey. HONEY. I want to give you a huge hug right now.

First off, of course you are their mother. And he's a ****wad.

You need a good lawyer right now, and a good counselor. And this is not 1965... no one is going to contest the fact that you are their mother. Don't let him buffalo you.

Tell your family? Well, of course you should tell your family. And your friends, and everyone. That defuses his only ammunition against you.

Seriously, you are married to a jerk and you need some major support. Get a counselor NOW. NOW.

And keep posting here. We will help you.

OMG. He's such a jerk.


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## BMonkey13 (Jun 20, 2012)

OMG, I am so sorry (((((Hugs)))))) He'll just look like an ass if he starts telling people you are not the biological mother. Honestly??? That is crazy! Donor eggs or not, I still feel you are the bio mom due to carrying your babies. I've been through IVF myself and it's such an emotional experience, I'm sickened that he would do that.

Run like the wind, and if he goes off saying stuff like that to people he's just going to look like a sicko and an idiot. I'm so sorry you are going through this


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I'm very sorry you're going through this pyramidchick.

You can't have this donor egg thing (very insignificant in my opinion) held against you. You're right, what is there to prove? I'm not sure why you let your husband use this as a threat all along? There's only one mother those children have and that is you. There's no escaping or altering that fact. 

Two things in your post caught my eye:

1. What's the deal with "weekend" abuse? Do you only see him on weekends?

2. What is the "more to this story" thing you're talking about? Is there infidelity, drug/alcohol/physical abuse involved? 

Talk to us.


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## pyramidchick (Jun 25, 2012)

Thank you all for your messages.

1). regarding weekends - it is odd but it seems that I am verbally abused on weekends only. I can't explain it.

2). More to the story - I work full time and pay for all our medical and dental insurance - one of the main reasons I am working. He works in commercial real estate as self-employed so there is no steady income. He either gets a deal or he does not. Last year was the worst in his career. He gets depressed and acts like a victim. He says I have no empathy for him which is not true. I do, I listen to him. But I can't solve his problem only he can - is that wrong of me? He says he hates living in CA and wants to move. I listen. I ask him where he would like to move to and I get no answer. I personally do not want to move out of state but I am willing to move out of SF city. It is not like he would say I want to move to here and I have applied for some jobs. He does nothing and blames me.

Sorry if this sounds kind of jumbled - I am at work and I have more to say.

thank you again for reading.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Your husband is going through depression. It's very clear.

Weekends perhaps trigger depressive feelings in him that he immaturely projects onto you.

I'm not sure you should be throwing in the towel yet. There must be ways to get through to him (on a weekday?!) and convince him to go to a doctor to go on antidepressants and counseling. I don't think he's a monster. He can be saved from his own misery. You're his wife. Perhaps, helping him with methods that are different than what you've tried already will make him realize your value and work towards a a better marriage.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

pyramidchick;854293
I know my rights and if I have to become the spokes person for all women out there that have donor egg children then so be it.
[/QUOTE said:


> The spirit exemplified in this sentence is what you need to have in all your dealings with your H if he tries to run roughshod over you about anything.And I agree with lamaga that he is a jerk.To try and use the biological aspect as some kind of bargaining chip is pretty low.I'm sorry you feel alone,but also don't forget you have two little ones who love their MOM unconditionally.I do hope that posting here helps you feel better,even if it's just to vent.Take care of yourself.


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## pyramidchick (Jun 25, 2012)

Thanks TBT. It does help me a bit to feel better to vent.

Thank you so much for responding and reading.


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