# Badsanta's PUA Married Man's Playbook for seducing your spouse.



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I had started a similar thread a while back but deleted it as I included too much information. I thought I would start a new one to help some TAM couples get their mojo back, or at least have fun trying instead of being frustrated. So here goes:
*
Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1000 The Mad Tailor * 

I used to work in a high end clothing store when I was in high school as my summer job. There was this one client that refused to buy cloths except from one of the company executives. The reason was because he could find cloths that fit her unlike any other person. The reality was that she refused to buy cloths in her actual size, so this person would pull tags from cloths of a larger size and sew in a label indicating a smaller size. The customer would beam with happiness and almost looked like she was ready to ravage this executive after she would finish trying on the cloths in the dressing room. 

So as husbands, we know our wive's favorite cloths and where she purchased them. We can reverse engineer this idea as a way to seduce our own wife.

*Step 1:* Find "that pair" of jeans that you know she has outgrown, but refuses to throw away because she wants to fit into them again one day. Try to buy an exact same pair of these jeans, but in her current size. Wash the new pants so that they do not look brand new. 

*Step 2:* Swap the small size label from her old favorite pair jeans into the new larger ones.

*Step 3:* Recalibrate your bathroom scales if you have some to indicate a few pounds less than normal. 

*Step 4:* Compliment your wife and mention that she looks like she is loosing weight and looking hot. 

*Step 5:* Setup a date night and ask to to wear that old pair of jeans that she likes and has not worn them in a long time to see if they fit again, because you think they would look hot. 

*Step 6:* If she beams with joy that she now suddenly fits back into her favorite pair of old pants... shower her with compliments and ask her to get naked to see if she looks better that way as well. 

*Step 7:* At this point you can do whatever you want!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Step 1. Leggings.

Done


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

badsanta said:


> I had started a similar thread a while back but deleted it as I included too much information. I thought I would start a new one to help some TAM couples get their mojo back, or at least have fun trying instead of being frustrated. So here goes:
> *
> Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1000 The Mad Tailor *
> 
> ...



Genius lol. That right there is worth a whole year of sex.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@badsanta - dude, you have issues.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Dinner seduction:
My never fail chicken with white wine sauce, is absolutely diet friendly and when I was single, this dinner, I politely referred to as "Panty Remover".

2 Chicken Breasts, sliced into six 1/4" filets.
1 Cup chicken stock
1/2 Cup white wine
3 Tbsp dried mixed italian herbs (Oregano, Basil and Parsley)
1 Tsp chopped garlic
1 small sweet onion, finely minced.

Saute chicken breasts with onion and garlic. Brown on both sides. Add Stock, wine and herbs. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for at least an hour. You can add a little butter to the sauce and you may thicken if you like with a roux. (Diet friendly side-baby brussel sprouts with teriyaki/garlic) (Not diet friendly side-farfalle buttered)


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Are you the coyote from roadrunner? LOL!

I love your schemes!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

What happens after your scheme unravels because she realizes the tare weight on the scale has been adjusted, or she decides to buy some new clothes and realizes the jeans you replaced are mis sized? Are ready for the fall out from that?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ynot said:


> What happens after your scheme unravels because she realizes the tare weight on the scale has been adjusted, or she decides to buy some new clothes and realizes the jeans you replaced are mis sized? Are ready for the fall out from that?


Blame electronics... And shrinking clothes sizes.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

@badsanta's face when his wife walks in and says, "hun, why did you mislead me by changing the tag on the jeans?"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1001 No More Libido Enhancers* 

*Step 1: *Next time you are at the grocery store, buy a cheap bottle of some stupid male libido enhancers. Take them if you want, but probably best not to. Instead pour most of them out and leave the almost empty bottle next to your sink or anywhere conspicuous that your wife will discover it. 

*Step 2: *Wait for her to discover it and ask you about them. If she says nothing, ask her to pick you up some more from the grocery store and show her the bottle. 

*Step 3: *When she asks what they are for, claim that a high school friend recommended them to help reduce pain and that they act like a steroid to help optimize/rejuvenate your joints so that you can feel better and also have more energy throughout the day. Claim they have really been helping for that as you had a period in life where you felt really tired and could not even exercise.

*Step 4: *OK, this is when you wife will point out that the supplement is specifically intended to enhance libido and that perhaps it has been exacerbating her issues with being sexually mismatched in the marriage, and that you should discontinue use.

*Step 5: *Claim that everything on the label is absolutely false advertising and that you think it is pure BS, because you have been taking these things for years! Say it does help with muscle and joint health. Claim that you have never noticed them to cause your libido to increase and that you feel the same as you always have since you were a teenager.

*Step 6: *This is where you wife freaks out that you have been taking libido enhancers for years!

*Step 7: *Have this OMG reaction with her, and ask if it is normal that you still have the same drive as when you were a teenager? Apologize and stare at the bottle in disbelief. 

*Step 8: *Discard the remaining contents of the libido enhancer into the trash and promise to never take them again.

*Step 9: *In the following day or two claim that no matter what, you are unable to get aroused. Say it is almost amazing. Ask your wife to show her boobs, and when she does say, "meh, nothing!" Ask her to try something else, and pretend to be completely uninterested. Claim that this is amazing! Ask her to do something crazy to see if anything will work!

*Step 10: *Once she lets her guard completely down and starts to get freaky to she if she can arouse you... Unleash your pent up desire and compliment her for being married to a wife that is way too freaking sexy! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1002 The Revenge of Mr. Nice Guy!* 

If you don't know about Mr. Nice Guy, his covert contracts for sex (does something nice and then expects sex), subsequent meltdowns (because he does not get any of the expected sex), and passive aggressive tantrums (because he feels entitled to sex)... well not all nice guys finish last!

*STEP 1: *Drain out all the laundry detergent except enough to run one load of laundry into a spare container, and hide it somewhere. Run a load of your own underwear and socks to make sure you can outlast your wife in clean cloths. Place the empty container of detergent on the shelve where it is normally kept (go so far as to rinse it out with water so that no one can squeeze and extra load of laundry out of it).

*STEP 2: *Begin taking your wife's clean underwear, and toss a few pair in the dirty cloths each day so that she runs out much sooner than expected.

*STEP 3: *Verbally mention to you wife that you will try to help catch up with some laundry so that she thinks there is nothing to worry about!

*STEP 4: *Stay too busy helping other friends and family to actually do any laundry. 

*STEP 5: *Preemptively anticipate the moment your wife will run completely out of underwear, and mention that there is no more detergent and that you have to run to the store and get some.

*STEP 6: *Come home from the store with a bunch of groceries but NO laundry detergent. Let your wife discover this situation all on her own, and hopefully by now she is going commando around the house.

*STEP 7: *Once she freaks out, tell her not to worry that you purchased her a new pack of underwear, and for her to go check her dresser drawers to get some.

Allow your wife to go on her own to get a fresh pair of underwear. At this point she will now discover all her simple _comfort fit_ underwear is long gone, and that you have now replaced them all with extremely sexy pairs of lingerie underwear.

*STEP 8: *wait for it, and pretend everything is normal as if nothing!

>

Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

You do your wife's laundry?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

anonmd said:


> You do your wife's laundry?


Our laundry room is kind of like the volunteer fire department. When there is an emergency, generally the first available responder has to do the job.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I understand, not trying to dig at you too much, just struck me as funny. 

I do mine, she does hers and mostly by now the kid does his own at her command. I often offer to put her stuff in the dryer since she does an inordinate # of 1/4 loads. The answer is always no, which may have something to do with the time I dried her sweater close to 20 years ago - on HIGH. Cause, why the hell would you want it to tumble an extra 30 minutes on low or fluff?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> *Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1002 The Revenge of Mr. Nice Guy!*
> 
> If you don't know about Mr. Nice Guy, his covert contracts for sex (does something nice and then expects sex), subsequent meltdowns (because he does not get any of the expected sex), and passive aggressive tantrums (because he feels entitled to sex)... well not all nice guys finish last!
> 
> ...


*STEP 9: *Fall asleep through exhaustion, as a consequence of trying too hard.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1003 Counterfeit Coupon for Love*

*Step 1:* Dig through some of you old things from your wife. Find some papers where she signed her name to something.

*Step 2:* Cut out around where she signed her name, and leave just enough room to draw in the details for a love coupon. Be sure and put "no expiration" on it! 

*Step 3:* Brag to your wife that you can not believe what you just found in some of your old things! Show her the coupon, and laugh that you can't even remember her making it for you.

*Step 4:* Tell her to get dressed in something sexy, because you are taking her out on a date. Ask her if she intends to honor the coupon or not afterwards, because that will impact dinner plans for the evening. If she will honor it, then the two of you are going to the nicest restaurant in town. Inform her if she refuses to honor the coupon, that she will be getting chili-cheese dogs for dinner, because one way or the other her áss is getting all torn up tonight! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

A quick and easy one for Friday night or the weekend for those lazy husbands out there!

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1004 Preemptive Self Rejection*

*Step 1:* Explain to your wife that you do not feel well and that you need some quality time.

*Step 2:* Tell her not to get any ideas, because you are NOT in the mood for sex, and that you just need a snuggle.

*Step 3:* Once snuggling, claim that you feel really hot and just get naked and ask for a back rub.

*Step 4:* (Now in order to pull this off, you have to try and be as sincere as possible with this one.) Apologize for being so pushy with sex all the time, and mention how wonderful it feels just to have a nice snuggle and talk.

*Step 5:* Claim since you are NOT in the mood for sex, ask her what she needs from you to improve that area of your marriage, and try to actually listen.

*Step 6:* (revealing that you are aroused) Pretend to get upset at yourself for getting aroused during such a nice moment. Claim to be very annoyed with yourself. Make your erection unavoidably visible and accessible to her. ...wait for her to touch it.

*Step 7:* Don't ask for anything, just allow her to do whatever she wants to do, but compliment that crap out of everything that she does and tell her how wonderful she is!

*Step 8:* Enjoy!


Can't tell you how many times this one has worked for me!!!!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1006 The Placebo Effect*

*Step 1:* Cook/order your wife something to eat that she has never had before. Choose something a little spicy. Have her drink lots of water or alcohol.

*Step 2:* After finishing the meal pretend there is research that strongly suggests whatever it is she just ate has an incredible aphrodisiac effect on over 90% of women. Claim that the unique combination of herbs and spices are known to cause histamine to target the urinary system. While there is no impact on the urinary system itself, upon going to the bathroom that this histamine will cause her lady parts to swell a little and become hyper sensitive. 

*Step 3:* Claim that there will be NO SEX this evening, but instead you two are going to a movie with her favorite male actor, and that you want her to experience sexual frustration. Upon returning home, there will be NO SEX.

*Step 4:* Order her a large drink for the movie and smile, or better yet, sneak some beer into the theater for her.

*Step 5:* Once she has to goto the bathroom during/after the movie, smile and say for her sake that you hope the research about the food she just ate being an aphrodisiac is wrong!

*Step 6:* Go home, playfully deny her the availability to have sex with you and wait for it!


NOTES: For husbands with a reluctant wife, many times refusing/delaying sex in the relationship is about her needing to be in control. If she finds herself in a situation where the husband will have control, she is not going to like that! She will initiate sex, and passionately so just so she can prove her husband is an idiot and has no control over when and if there will be any sex in the relationship! "Dinner and a movie" as we all know is just the traditional date night to get her primed!


Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

@badsanta is correct that the central dynamic is often about power and control. Once I showed my wife that I was serious about not having sex with her, she initiated more than once. Unheard of. Now she makes hugs and kisses far more available than back when I was begging her for sex.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

badsanta, you spend entirely too much time trying to figure out how to get laid. I'd go so far as to say that you spend entirely too much time thinking about sex - period (but, you're a guy so I won't make such a stupid statement). Relax and have fun!

BTW, Oprah's seamstress already beat you to the punch with the labels. She was proudly proclaiming she was wearing a size 6 (six) when it was evident she was born with a size 12 keester.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> badsanta, you spend entirely too much time trying to figure out how to get laid. I'd go so far as to say that you spend entirely too much time thinking about sex - period (but, you're a guy so I won't make such a stupid statement). Relax and have fun!


 @Blondilocks I am relaxed and having fun! All my moves are now completely improvised after spending over a decade of learning the "hard" way what does NOT work and getting all passively aggressively upset about it.

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1007 Stop Being So Dang Sexy*

*Step 1:* Wait for one of those really awkward moments where your wife is not looking her best. Preferably while her face is covered in BBQ sauce from that half rack of ribs she is eating. 

*Step 2:* Tell her to "STOP IT! YOU NEED TO STOP IT! STOP BEING SO SEXY!"










*Step 3:* Grab her and give her an extremely passionate kiss, BBQ sauce and all and make it a point to make a mess of yourself while kissing her. 

*Step 4:* Apologize that it is too late now, that she is in trouble as soon as the two of you get home!


It is not all about sex, it is more about knowing how to be flirtatious and fun around your wife!!!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

OK, since it is Valentines and many folks out there have unrealistic expectations of guaranteed sex with a reluctant spouse, here is my move of the day. 

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1008 Preplanned Arguments & Tantrums*

NOTES: Some spouses have a great deal of anxiety, particularly on days when sex might be expected. To help reduce this anxiety, instead shift the focus by using Murphy's Law and plan for everything to go horribly wrong!

*Step 1:* Plan out a really bizarre temper tantrum as a way to make fun of yourself for the way one behaves when you do not get the sex that you expect on a day like Valentines. 

*Step 2:* Describe this tantrum in detail to the wife, and let her laugh about it, and make plans to get it out of the way early in the day. An example of a funny tantrum might be going out for an ice cream sundae alone to help calm yourself down. Claim to be in a forgiving mood since this tantrum is preplanned and invite her along. 

*Step 3:* Explain to your wife that you are tired about arguing over sex, but that you are prepared to argue all night and refuse to take the blame for anything in the event there will be no sex. Do tell her that sharing an ice cream sundae while you have your tantrum is turning out to be rather nice, and that while your in a good mood perhaps you might even be willing to listen about why many of the problems in the marriage are actually your fault, but only just for a little while.

*Step 4:* As your wife vents her problems, look at her and claim that just an ice cream sundae may not do it, and say that you now need to go somewhere for a glass of wine or perhaps a beer. Try to actually listen to your wife, and thank her for coming along on your temper tantrum. 

*Step 5:* As you end your temper tantrum, ask your wife if she is ready to go back home and deal with a husband that feels entitled to incredible sex? Tell her not to freak out, because you have already got your temper tantrum out of the way, so all there is left is just a really ambitious pervert of a husband for her to try and deal with. 

*Step 6:* On the way home give your wife a valentines day card, but explain that it was planned for you to give it to her tomorrow. Have it read something like, "I'm sorry for being such an ass on Valentines day and throwing such a horrible tantrum, and trying to blame you for all our problems. Please forgive me? Will you still be upset if I am anticipating incredibly awesome makeup sex? As I am and always will be your incredibly ambitious pervert of a husband that can't get enough of you because you are so wonderful!"

That should do it! If someone needs more steps, let me know?

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1009 Reverse Guilt*

A long time ago I too often would guilt my wife into having sex with me, and I was rather good at it too. But then I realized that eliciting pity sex (even when it turned out OK) was rather problematic towards creating a scenario to where my wife could really enjoy sex. 

So I am sure many men on TAM know all too well how to make their wives feel sorry for us, and how painful it is to be deprived and rejected for sex so often. So envision that, but do the exact opposite as if you are responding to a hypothetical situation where your wife is making you feel guilty (even though she is not actively trying to do this to you), but try to be sincere about it! 

*Step 1:* Obviously for husbands that have a higher drive than his wife, she likely does struggle, and it actually is important to acknowledge this!

*Step 2:* Brag about your own sexual prowess as being so spectacular that perhaps you indirectly guilt your wife into keeping up with you, and that you really should step back and not put so much pressure.

*Step 3:* Complain that for her you likely feel "too easy" and ask if as her husband if she feels like your underwear drops to the floor at even the slightest opportunity of seeing her naked? (obviously she will say yes!)

*Step 4:* Tell her you are going to work on this and start playing "hard to get" for her!

*Step 5:* Claim that this evening that you are now un-arousable! And apologize for never challenging her to have to win your affection and that you can only imagine what it has been like to not get to chase you any for all these years being as handsome as you are. (she will probably be giggling at this point)

*Step 6:* At this point your wife will begin to flirt and tease you, just to prove that you are full of ****. At this point you tease your wife back that she just has no idea how to tease you or flirt with you, but meanwhile make it obvious with you body language that you are struggling to contain your arousal. Tell her that you feel sorry for her, and that she really needs A LOT of practice if she is ever going to have a clue on how to seduce you and that you are willing to sacrifice yourself as she tries to learn (meanwhile your body language should be saying the exact opposite).

*Step 7:* Enjoy!!!!!!!

NOTES: This PUA move is about being overconfident as opposed to trying to get pity from your wife. She will likely respond to this much better simply because you are being fun and playful as opposed to serious and sad. Most women really enjoy a partner that can be playful and upbeat, even while she tries to be extremely critical and laugh her ass off at you! If you keep a smile through that, as a man you become irresistible! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*
Badsanta's Married Man's PUA Move #1009.b Stop Pressuring Your Wife For Sex* 

For married couples were the man has a tendency to not get as much physical intimacy as he desires, and the wife complains of feeling pressured. Make it a point to tell your wife that you are going to work on not making her feel pressured and that whatever happens is OK. 

*Step 1:* Wait for one of those moments where you are perhaps being too playful and your wife gives you an eye roll.

*Step 2:* Tell her that you know you put a lot of pressure on her sometimes and that you are going to stop that and try to just let things happen naturally.

*Step 3:* Compliment her for being beautiful and say that you are happy with just seeing her smile and that is all. 

NOTE: In most relationships where one partner does not want sex, it is likely because this partner enjoys more being in control of the other person. So if now the other person says they are going to stop being needy this creates a situation where the person with little desire has to seduce the other partner to test and see if this is true and point our that you are lying and also to reestablish the fact that they are the one in full control.

*Step 4:* Once your wife begins to be very seductive, use all the might in your being to resist her! Even if you get very aroused, pretend that it is not important and pretend you are completely OK with or without it.

At this point the partner with lower desire and trying to reestablish control will begin initiating sex, and rather aggressively so!

*Step 5:* Once PIV begins, confess that the idea that you can demonstrate patience is a lie because your wife is just way to freaking beautiful. 

*Step 6:* ENJOY!

WARNING: Afterwards your wife may feel a little entitled with her levels of control in the relationship. So be careful about challenging this as it can backfire if you do not shower her with compliments once things get hot!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Are you the coyote from roadrunner? LOL!
> 
> I love your schemes!


Careful there. My recollection is that every one of the Coyote's schemes blew up in his face.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

So.After all these shenanigans did you manage to get any sex.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> So.After all these shenanigans did you manage to get any sex.


Would you ever watch episodes of Wile E Coyote if he managed to catch the Road Runner all the time?

Part of coping with a marriage that has mismatched drives is about learning to enjoy the thrill of the chase and then redirecting ones frustrations to create a following temper tantrum that is rather playful. 










My wife said to me today that being married to me is like eating a box of jelly beans. Not normal jelly beans but the Harry Potter kind of jelly beans. She admits that after getting through the ones that taste like throw up, dirt, grass, and bewgers, that there actually are a few incredibly sweet ones that make it all worth it. 



Cheers, 
Badsanta


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