# New Friendship - On pause with feelings buildings HELP



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

I talked to a woman online last week. We have since everynight and established through hours of conversation we wanted to start as friends till we felt we could go further if possible. Will today a x boyfriend who has been horrible to her really knows how to push her buttons is trying to snake his way back in way in that she wants nothing to do with. As soon as he heard we were talkling it started anf today he turned on the charm. She has nothing but didain for him becuase he never treated her right. Will today she paused our friendship and daily conversations so she could get her head right while this issue resolves herself. Of course talking to someone everynight you develop a slow emotional connection. She says she does not want to end the friendship but needs to pause till the dust settles. i offered to always be a friend and continue to talk which she responded she wishes she had my stregth and would love for me to check in now and then. She does not want to date anyone right now so that is why we were going to meet Sunday face to face for the frist time. We have Skyoed every night for 4 days but she admitted she has feelings for me but needs to be in the right place to capture a relationship and with this new drama its too much. She is telling the ex to go away and dont come over or she will have to call the cops because he has been harrasing her. I know this situation sounds bad. She is a teacher, student council adviser a great person raising her daughter on her own. :scratchhead:but just got wrapped up and burned by the wrong guy. So what do I do? 180? check in now and then?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Your divorce is finalized right Dad??

Start dating, don't settle on this woman. Let her get her mind straight. Do not talk to her. 
You are recently divorced and must be going through a lot of emotions, one of them may be fear of being alone.
Just enjoy being single and please check out 
"The Singles of TAM" thread. Great advice there!!!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Sounds to me like she isn't quite finished with her ex yet. Maybe it just ended recently or maybe it isn't really even over yet.

I suggest you back off until and unless she resolves the issues with him.


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## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Sounds to me like she isn't quite finished with her ex yet. Maybe it just ended recently or maybe it isn't really even over yet.
> 
> I suggest you back off until and unless she resolves the issues with him.



It just ended 2 weeks ago. I have offered the support and advice i got on here and was going to go 180 in a revised format to give her time


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Any idea how long they were together?

2 weeks is nothing. She's jumping right into something new without giving herself to heal. You're a distraction, she's using you to bury the pain of her breakup whether she realizes it or not. 

You're a rebound. It's bound to fail and in this case with the exboyfriend in the picture you could be in real danger. 

I'd find something else to do.


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## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Any idea how long they were together?
> 
> 2 weeks is nothing. She's jumping right into something new without giving herself to heal. You're a distraction, she's using you to bury the pain of her breakup whether she realizes it or not.
> 
> ...


They were together for a few months. It was very bad for a long time, he always threten to leave then did 2 weeks ago. Thats why she wanted to keep it at friends. But then feelings started to develop and we both aggreed to hold off on trying to date to not ruin anything than today happend. Like we have agreed I think a modified 180 needs to take effect. I have offered advice and support when she needs it. She just said she needs time to unravel all this and does not want me to be in the middle even though she loves talking to me. She has realized that if we continie to talk it may damage us thats why she put up the breaks. I dont blame her.


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## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

One thing I may add as soon as this guy got wind we were talking he really started interveing. Tearing her down through text messages etc nightly. Then he came to get his stuff today from her she basically told him dont call dont text etc im talking to someone else. Then not a few hrs later he pushed all her buttons he knew he could even using her kid against her about how this is hurting her kid. So you can imagine how this tore her up and did not want me to caught in the middle. So she had to pull all the emotional connections away to protect herself which I get. So like I said back off let her breath and see what happens meanwhile move on.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

She could have blocked his number and cut off the texts.

She chooses to continue to engage him.

What does that tell you?

Go dark. Let her work it out and if she's still interested she'll come looking for you.


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