# “A man should love a woman more than she loves him” theory



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

I’ve heard that a man should love a woman a little bit more than she loves him.

Thoughts?

To be clear, I'm not seeking advice for a problem or anything like that, just thought this might make for an interesting discussion.

Editing to add:
If you haven't heard of this theory, you can Google: A man should love a woman more than she loves him, and you will see many results.

Here are two links on the subject, one from The Washington Post and another from Oprah.com, I haven't read either, but here are the links:

The Washington Post:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...little-bit-more-my-mother-said-was-she-right/
Oprah.com:
Should He Love Me More Than I Love Him?

Again, the above are just two results, there are many more.

Edit #2: Some replies asking where I heard it. I heard it from a co-worker awhile back and recently heard it on a TV show I was watching.

Edit #3:
I Googled it to share here after replies saying they never heard of it before, I have never Googled it before.
I am not odd.
I am not a hopeful YouTuber.
I don't agree that a man should love a woman more than she loves him. I believe the love should be equal.
I posted this just as something to discuss. I didn't realize it was something not many had heard of before.
Apologies for posting it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Only if he is a doormat


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Sounds stupid to me. Both partners should be 100% in the relationship. BOTH men and women cheat. One or both of them not being 100% in is sure to lead to problems, whether infidelity-related or not.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

No way…


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Nope.

In my view...it should be equal.
Anything else is begging for trouble


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I don't know how you would even measure that to know.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I spank my wife more than she spanks me and it seems to work for us.😉


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I guess it would depend on how that love was expressed.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

It seems that some people think the person least invested in the relationship has the most power, so it's probably some "empowering women" thing. As a woman, I disagree. Both should try to be equally invested, IMO.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Not heard that, bit I think both need to love each other equally.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Not heard that, bit I think both need to love each other equally.


Never heard it either. Notice OP has come and started two threads in which she doesn't have a question or want any advice. I think we are looking at a youtuber who wants to have their own channel and trying to drum up hits? or followers? Or the next atol ?


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

A woman needs her husbands love. 
A man needs his wife’s respect.

That says it all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Whoever is invested the least in a relationship holds the most power.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

so_sweet said:


> I’ve heard that a man should love a woman a little bit more than she loves him.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> To be clear, I'm not seeking advice for a problem or anything like that, just thought this might make for an interesting discussion.


I'm really curious as to where you heard that?


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Huh?

Just WHO did you hear this from OP?

If it was a lady, is she single? Divorced?

I can't imagine a man saying this, tis why I think it was a lady who you "heard" this from.

Is that lady a princess? Does she think she (and all women) needs to be put on a pedestal?

I just want a man to love me as much as I love him and I have to think that many women would agree with this.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> Never heard it either. Notice OP has come and started two threads in which she doesn't have a question or want any advice. I think we are looking at a youtuber who wants to have their own channel and trying to drum up hits? or followers? Or the next atol ?


When I Google “A man should love a woman more than she loves him”, Google tells me: About 6,020,000,000 results (0.50 seconds). That’s six billion, twenty million.

It's quite ridiculous to think the reason I’m at this forum is because I’m a hopeful YouTuber because you haven’t heard of this theory, or because I haven't asked for advice.

Again, Googling “A man should love a woman more than she loves him”, has over 6 billion results, including from The Washington Post and Oprah.com.

I haven’t read either of these, but here are the links:

Washington Post:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...little-bit-more-my-mother-said-was-she-right/

Oprah.com:
Should He Love Me More Than I Love Him?

There are many more results in my quick Google search, but thought I'd just post the above two and you can view more results by Googling it yourself if you want to.

“Atol”? Sorry, never heard of that.

Also, this IS a question. I'm asking for thoughts on the subject. I thought it could be a thoughtful and interesting discussion.

As for asking for advice, do you mean I need to have an issue in my marriage to post here? I can't be here to hopefully offer advice to others and have discussions, like this one?

Lastly, I'm sorry you don't approve of my other post either, where I share my experience with domestic violence and my appreciation for my second husband.

(Edited to fix a typo and take an extra word out, which was the word "my".)


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Deejo said:


> I'm really curious as to where you heard that?


Please see the original post, I edited and added a couple of links from a Google search. Or you can Google it yourself if you want to by searching: A man should love a woman more than she loves him.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Huh?
> 
> Just WHO did you hear this from OP?
> 
> ...


Please see the original post, I edited and added a couple of links from a Google search. Or you can Google it yourself if you want to by searching: A man should love a woman more than she loves him.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

so_sweet said:


> Please see the original post, I edited and added a couple of links from a Google search. Or you can Google it yourself if you want to by searching: A man should love a woman more than she loves him.


Maybe the new Beta feminized man


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> I’ve heard that a man should love a woman a little bit more than she loves him.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> ...


It sounds like a feminist theory, because they see themselves as queens and owing men nothing. 
My obligation is to love my spouse, but not at the expense of myself.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

That expression was sometimes heard as part of the women´s folklore, mom´s "wisedom" and grandmom´s advice of perhaps a century ago and persisted told through the 50´s. As long as I know it´s rarely heard today.
We can only speculate about the reasons of it, probaby cultural ones, probably associated with the dynamics, roles and structure of couples by then and perhaps earlier.
Part of it was, I gess, suggested by the relative greater financial authonomy of married men compared to their wives, so a man more commited than her provided a real or at least appearent security to the family as it was assumed that women were already commited .... to kids.

Were there and perhaps are still other factors that remain promoting that thought at least from one side of the gender fence?
Not sure about but I suspect that sometimes language and concepts tricks all of us a bit.

Seems naturalized that Love is a One Only Universal Force or is rather only defined by Each One the Oh So Sacred Individual.
Both ideas have IMO as much reality as penguin´s navels. But that´s me, of course.
It seems to me that together with women and men being peers, equals in rights and dignities, there are still some differences in their conceptions of love, more significative than only different expressions of it

If this haves_ some _truth to say, it may be seen also in which aspects of love each gender priorize "as love" and which others are sometimes relativized. While both still use the same words as the other for their own "feelings" and meanings.
And so also each gender take their own way of loving as more loving than what receives and long to receive what they "give".

Sorry for the extension of some speculative reflections of mine.

Best wishes to you all.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

A18S37K14H18 said:


> Huh?
> 
> Just WHO did you hear this from OP?
> 
> ...


Please see the original post, I edited and added a couple of links from a Google search. Or you can Google it yourself if you want to by searching: A man should love a woman more than she loves him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

that is some total bull.
women who believe in that sort of thing are about to have a very short marriage


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What prompted you to google that in the first place? Very odd.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

ElOtro said:


> That expression was sometimes heard as part of the women´s folklore, mom´s "wisedom" and grandmom´s advice of perhaps a century ago and persisted told through the 50´s. As long as I know it´s rarely heard today.
> We can only speculate about the reasons of it, probaby cultural ones, probably associated with the dynamics, roles and structure of couples by then and perhaps earlier.
> Part of it was, I gess, suggested by the relative greater financial authonomy of married men compared to their wives, so a man more commited than her provided a real or at least appearent security to the family as it was assumed that women were already commited .... to kids.
> 
> ...


Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge! It's interesting to know it may have orginiated a century ago as I actually heard it recently on a TV show I was watching. Thanks again!


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

frusdil said:


> What prompted you to google that in the first place? Very odd.


I Googled it after someone in this thread said she had never heard of it and said that I was probably a hopeful YouTuber or something. I Googled it to share the results here.

How I heard of it: I heard it from a co-worker awhile back and recently heard it on a TV show I was watching.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

I find interesting and refreshing the threads that formulate some food for thought and also but not only the ones originated in individual personal worries.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> When I Google “A man should love a woman more than she loves him”, Google tells me: About 6,020,000,000 results (0.50 seconds). That’s six billion, twenty million.
> 
> It's quite ridiculous to think the reason I’m at this forum is because I’m a hopeful YouTuber because you haven’t heard of this theory, or because I haven't asked for advice.
> 
> ...


I think this is nonsense. I didn't even get past the first paragraph of the Oprah article. How is she measuring love? She says they both love each other but her loves her more. What does that even mean?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think this is nonsense. I didn't even get past the first paragraph of the Washington post article. How is she measuring love? She says they both love each other but her loves her more. What does that even mean?


To me, it means he is castrated while she keeps her options open. 
I read into it that the woman is so insecure that the man must prove his love for her by isolating himself for her sake, while she doesn't have to do that. 
It's a no-go relationship for me if this is what she means.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think this is nonsense. I didn't even get past the first paragraph of the Oprah article. How is she measuring love? She says they both love each other but her loves her more. What does that even mean?


May be, just may be, that they use the same word, love, with no identical meanings.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think that was an old yarn designed to get daughters married off before they became old maids to men they weren't attracted to and didn't want to marry!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It really can't be, nor measurable. No even two drops of water are exactly the same in this universe. 

What normally happens to all of us is a love expression that only can come from us, not equal but differen, with the added factor in the equation that the level of love being given, might or might not be with the same intensity as the one being received. 

Having said that, love is a chemical reaction that travels to our sensory receptors in our brains through chemical compounds (pheromones); once captured by our brain's receptors endorphins are created that activate our hormonal biopathway in a biofeedback pattern, creating the necessary physical urges to procreate. 

Do not get fooled with romantic notions, sexual pheromones are being emitted by all living things for one purpose only: PROCREATION. Period.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think that was an old yarn designed to get daughters married off before they became old maids to men they were attracted to and didn't want to marry!


You may be right.
Even so, most of old sayings, proverbs and folk wisedom expressions were also so ambiguous that, like the Oracle of Delphos prophesies could be "understood" with one meaning and also with the opposite one.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> It really can't be, nor measurable. No even two drops of water are exactly the same in this universe.
> 
> What normally happens to all of us is a love expression that only can come from us, not equal but differen, with the added factor in the equation that the level of love being given, might or might not be with the same intensity as the one being received.
> 
> ...


A sales catalog and a Shakespeare´s play are written with the same alphabet.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

If someone shared this idea with me in real life, I would respond by using some 'dread game' and tell them that a man should never tell a woman he lovers her first and he should make sure she says 'I love you' two - four times as often as he does. I mean if someone is going to spout stupid stuff, they deserve some coming back at them.

I agree with all the poster that say both should be all in.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

so_sweet said:


> When I Google “A man should love a woman more than she loves him”, Google tells me: About 6,020,000,000 results (0.50 seconds). That’s six billion, twenty million.
> 
> It's quite ridiculous to think the reason I’m at this forum is because I’m a hopeful YouTuber because you haven’t heard of this theory, or because I haven't asked for advice.
> 
> ...


Mrs. Conan might actually love me more but it would be hard to measure.


We both love each other quite seriously and are intensely committed.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ElOtro said:


> A sales catalog and a Shakespeare´s play are written with the same alphabet.


Not necessarily, unless it's written in the Roman derived alphabets for the various western languages. 

Shakespeare might not translate the same in Chinese as their sales sales catalog.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> To me, it means he is castrated while she keeps her options open.


It happens.
And I had experiences that could make some bad ones look pale.
Even so it´s also true that when a woman loves us no love is strongerthan hers.
I do not say that always, neither frequently, perhaps is for a fortunate few. But it MAY happen.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Not necessarily, unless it's written in the Roman derived alphabets for the various western languages.
> 
> Shakespeare might not translate the same in Chinese as their sales sales catalog.


Weak counterfactuals, my friend.
Yes, all analogies are written in jelly, even mine.
Even so, if you look at it from information theory, the set of all possible signals is a finite and even a restricted one.
But not all messages say the same.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ElOtro said:


> But not all messages say the same


You got that quite right.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

so_sweet said:


> Please see the original post, I edited and added a couple of links from a Google search. Or you can Google it yourself if you want to by searching: A man should love a woman more than she loves him.


I thoroughly appreciate your post, truly. And read your intro thread. I am always for more thoughtful, positive, outcomes in the realm of marriage and I am truly happy that you and your husband have created one.

However, you have stumbled onto a forum where many, if not most, posting here, not unlike your first marriage; have had the people whom they loved and cherished betray them. Hurt them. In some cases try to completely destroy their sense of individuality and well-being.

I can appreciate the warmth and seeming innocence of the statement you indicated.

Here is what I can assure you about the origin of that statement. It came into being from a woman. Most certainly not a man. Likely one whom herself had been betrayed by a man she was head over heels for, but was treated with indifference. It is a statement about lessons learned, more so than it is great advice for finding a life partner.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Deejo said:


> I thoroughly appreciate your post, truly. And read your intro thread. I am always for more thoughtful, positive, outcomes in the realm of marriage and I am truly happy that you and your husband have created one.
> 
> However, you have stumbled onto a forum where many, if not most, posting here, not unlike your first marriage; have had the people whom they loved and cherished betray them. Hurt them. In some cases try to completely destroy their sense of individuality and well-being.
> 
> ...


Hi Deejo,

Thank-you so much for the kind words. I'm a little confused. Do you mean that I should not post here any longer? I do have a very happy marriage and if this isn't a place for someone like me, I understand I will graciously leave. I apologize if I've completely misunderstood.Thank-you once again.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> Hi Deejo,
> 
> Thank-you so much for the kind words. I'm a little confused. Do you mean that I should not post here any longer? I do have a very happy marriage and if this isn't a place for someone like me, I understand I will graciously leave. I apologize if I've completely misunderstood.Thank-you once again.


He's not saying you should leave. Everybody is welcome to post and participate.
He's saying that many here had that very viewpoint of loving their spouse with everything they have, to have the best marriage possible.
But they got burned to a cinder by a spouse that didn't love them back and was unfaithful or they divorced and they lost everything in the divorce.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> He's not saying you should leave. Everybody is welcome to post and participate.
> He's saying that many here had that very viewpoint of loving their spouse with everything they have, to have the best marriage possible.
> But they got burned to a cinder by a spouse that didn't love them back and was unfaithful or they divorced and they lost everything in the divorce.


Ah, okay. Thanks for explaining it to me.
(edited to fix typo)


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

*so_sweet *do you think your husband loves you more then you love him?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> .


Is that a yes?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I once seen a happy marriage described as two people together who both secretly think they got the better part of the deal.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Is that a yes?


I deleted what I said because I felt/feel a little weird about posting, you can message me if you want to know why.

To answer your question,

Short answer:
I don't think my husband loves me more than I love him.

Long answer:
I love my husband with all of my heart and he knows that I do. My husband says he loves me more. He has said this for as long as I can remember. I don't feel overjoyed when he says it to me, I don't take it as a compliment or anything like that and I tell him it's nonsense.

How about you?

Editing: I don't think that he loves me more, he says he does. I don't think there's a way to measure it, so no way to ever really know. We both love each other and I think that's all that matters.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> I deleted what I said because I felt/feel a little weird about posting, you can message me if you want to know why.
> 
> To answer your question,
> 
> ...


Here is my suggestion. When you come from a background of abuse and betrayal, it permanently colours your world.
There is nobody in the world who can love you enough to cause you to heal. There are no words and there are no actions that will do this for you.
You are always going to doubt your husband's words and actions because your world is permanently coloured.
My suggestion is to play a role. When your husband tells you that he loves you, reward him with a lovely hug and a thank you.
If he gives you affection, reward him by being at least as affectionate.
The incentivizing that you're giving him will want him to do it more.
If you hold yourself back, because of that internal doubt, he will start to notice and then he will start to hold back because he doesn't think you want his affection.
You're world is coloured, but you don't have to pass the trauma onto anybody else.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> Here is my suggestion. When you come from a background of abuse and betrayal, it permanently colours your world.
> There is nobody in the world who can love you enough to cause you to heal. There are no words and there are no actions that will do this for you.
> You are always going to doubt your husband's words and actions because your world is permanently coloured.
> My suggestion is to play a role. When your husband tells you that he loves you, reward him with a lovely hug and a thank you.
> ...


Thanks for the advice, I truly appreciate it. 

I think in the very beginning when my husband and I were dating, I might've held back a little and we took the relationship slow, but we're really good now. 

My husband and I have been married for 14 years, I know he loves me, he knows I love him, and we say "I love you" to each other several times a day. We're very affectionate with each other as well. All is great!

In fact, he's been away for work for a couple of days and I've stayed up because I'm too excited to sleep and I can't wait for him to walk in through the door any minute!


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Jonty30,

However, if you have any tips to keep him from leaving his dirty socks everywhere, I'm all ears!!🙂


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> Jonty30,
> 
> However, if you have any tips to keep him from leaving his dirty socks everywhere, I'm all ears!!🙂


They disappear whenever he leaves them.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

so_sweet said:


> When I Google “A man should love a woman more than she loves him”, Google tells me: About 6,020,000,000 results (0.50 seconds). That’s six billion, twenty million.
> 
> It's quite ridiculous to think the reason I’m at this forum is because I’m a hopeful YouTuber because you haven’t heard of this theory, or because I haven't asked for advice.
> 
> ...


What in the world are you after here? 😮


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Though this isn’t popular, a biblical, Christian stand point on this is a man is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And woman is to respect her husband. Women are innately engrained to love in general, it is natural for a woman to love easily, where as a man this doesn’t come so naturally at times. A man can easily show respect however as it is a man’s nature is to respect and be respected.

IMO the two are opposing strengths that you have to die to self to be able to reciprocate to the other sex I marriage. So it’s not really a matter of a man loving a woman a little more I don’t think.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Though this isn’t popular, a biblical, Christian stand point on this is a man is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And woman is to respect her husband.


Sounds like zero sex.

Just kidding around, carry on.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

As for how to measure this, I suggest filling a bath tub with water. Each person gets in the tub. When this happens the water level will raise due to the displacement of the body. Have the other partner mark the level of the water with a grease pencil.

Whichever has the higher mark loves the other partner more!


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> Sounds like zero sex.
> 
> Just kidding around, carry on.


I hear you 😆


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> As for how to measure this, I suggest filling a bath tub with water. Each person gets in the tub. When this happens the water level will raise due to the displacement of the body. Have the other partner mark the level of the water with a grease pencil.
> 
> Whichever has the higher mark loves the other partner more!


Eureka, Eureka, I found it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

For a period of time it seemed that I loved my wife more than she loved me.
Like everyone says, you can’t really measure it.
But I think you can notice it. Or feel it.
And yes…that’s a doormat city situation right there.

I would say it’s most noticeable in the actions that require a bit of self-sacrifice.
For example, in an argument the first one to be an adult and lose the pride.
Or the one that takes the blame for the sake of the relationship
Or the one that puts more effort into making sure the others happiness cup is full.
That type of thing

None of those things, in a relationship, can be empirical as it relates to measuring love. But from the perspective of how one partner feels about the relationship, they can have meaning. Whether it would actually be truth or not…well… does that matter? Is the perception more important than the truth in this case? Not sure.

Saturday morning w/coffee ponderings.
Good convo.


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## CATDieselTech (10 mo ago)

Sorry for the rant!

Personally it depends. I believe both partners should be 100% in the relationship, although from what I've learned and witnessed, most women don't need a husband. Most men need a wife. That's how we were created. In general a woman can find ways to take care of herself and provide for herself without the need for the marriage relationship. This includes emotional and physical. Men on the other hand typically have a lot of emotional needs that can't be handled easily without a spouse to lean upon. While yes, a man can easily provide for just himself, it can be challenging to live without any emotional support. So in some meaning of the phrase, the husband does love his wife more, as a man typically needs that emotional connection more than a woman does. In other ways though, the wife loves her husband more. For instance, a lot of men, such as myself, are incredibly stupid when it comes to speaking and understanding, we also are typically unable to multitask as well as a woman can. This leads to a lot of strife when in regards to communication. In this way a wife loves her husband more, she is willing to put up with all of his antics and issues as well as her own. Overall though, I would say that a husband and wife typically give and take evenly. Just depends on the relationship. Something I learned a long time ago is that it doesn't matter who you are married to, you can always learn to love them. Love is not a feeling, love is a choice. The feeling that we commonly refer to as love is a complex mix of emotions that come from actual love, or just simply a physical attraction in some cases. The real love starts once the newness of the relationship wears off. That's when you start to understand exactly how much you love each other, based on how much you do for one another. Someone that truly loves their spouse is always willing to sacrifice something for their spouse's sake. We are called to serve one another, not to serve ourselves or find someone who is there just to make us feel better. It's a two way street. The main thing is communication. There are numerous times when I have failed my wife and she has told me much later. Usually it's something about being emotionally unavailable or not serving the way I ought to. I have done my best to remedy that, but I still struggle with it from time to time. It's all about continuing to be together no matter what. I've found that when divorce or the chance of leaving your spouse is off the table, you tend to work things out pretty quickly. My wife and I have made it a habit that we will not go to bed angry. Also the rules are set that no one gets to leave or sleep somewhere else except for together unless absolutely necessary for nonargumentative reasons. It has put a lot of our arguments in a whole new light. Often we will think about our old arguments and wonder why we made auch a big deal about nothing. Sorry for ranting, I'm gonna shut up now. Hope I gave you a little insight.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

What I got from this is article was men should be the ones taking the emotional risks and women should know their worth and men need to be performing in recognition of that.

This is like a power game and the author is convincing guys to go along. In reality, there are plenty of studies with women realizing there are fewer and fewer quality guys out there. Comments like “him loving her more” translates to emotional leverage or capacity to manipulate. 

“Knowing your worth” goes both ways. What’s your worth based on? You’re nice, giving, thoughtful, gainfully employed? So is just about everyone else out there. Seriously, what are you offering that others aren’t?

In fairness, her mom did say that it was just LITTLE bit more but ONLY at the beginning. But again, goes back to control from the jump.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> I deleted what I said because I felt/feel a little weird about posting, you can message me if you want to know why.
> 
> To answer your question,
> 
> ...


I reject the premise, mostly because there is no way to qualify it.

So given what an audience for an Oprah branded website and the a Disney like expectation of marriage and love, I suspect what is meant by "love more then his wife" is really -

_does more things for her._
or_ 
lets her get away with poor behavior more then she would let him do so._

This is a transactional idea of love and to be blunt I believe that way of thinking is crap. Just as much for the person who thinks they want it as the person who is giving it. It usually leads to entitlement and or disillusionment.

Men who love that way usually fall into the category of the White Knights. Thing is, in the end the Knight doesn't get the girl the Prince does. The Knight gets the Dragon and ends up burned if not killed. I think if you do behave like that you run the risk of being replaced because you wife very likely will become disillusioned. The reason for that is because that kind of love is inauthentic. It's really about insecurities and covert deals. It's - "if I do all this stuff for you and keep my mouth shut then you HAVE to stay with me".

To be timely I wonder if Will Smith fits into this category. His behavior in the last few years does. Seems to me his wife treats the guys who don't much better.

Truthfully I don't believe anyone even the women reading these articles want this (assuming they are mentally healthy which is probably a dumb assumption). Now they may not know better though so they may think they do. The problem with this kind of love is it's not real. It's self focus in the sense that it's motivation is about self preservation or avoiding conflict. It's static, it has no life. It's boring.

Eventually the other person in the relationship catches on and grows tired of it, because it doesn't come with any challenge or value. Something that is given away always seems less valuable then something that is hard won. Unfortunately what happens to a lot of guys like this is their wife meets a man who doesn't treat her like this and just the genuine authenticity is attractive to her. The wives who are moral just become discontent but also start to resent there husbands. If this guy is also immoral they end up cheating together. The irony is that guy isn't authentic either, and his "love" is just as self motivated. For the women in this situation her real problem is that she is unable to identify authenticity. Her picker is broken. Not to mention a lot of other stuff that I won't get into in this post. Thinking like this or reading blogs like this would have been a red flag to me when I was dating. It's a very childish way of thinking about the world and marriage.

Besides I don't think I would be that appealing, because I am hard won. However my wife has the most character of any person I know. She suffers fools lightly and takes her life seriously. She is also hard won. Because of that we have a dynamic and authentic relationship. Partly because we both have expectations of the other. In fact I have friends that have a dynamic that is much closer to the Oprah kind and my wife has thanked me on more then one occasion for not being like that. One of the best complements I ever got when talking about a friend of mine who is always "yes dear" was, "I could never be married to someone like that, they are just to weak for me." Essentially, thanks for challenging me and not letting me run all over you. The truth is a different man might.

My wife was in her early 30s when I met her, she was well established and had very high expectations. And g-damn if that wasn't attractive.

Love is as much a verb as it is an adjective.

So all that to answer your question. (You asked, welcome to TAM...)

I think my wife and I love exactly the same way and to the very same standard. We love each other as hard as we can, even at times when it's not as easy. We try to be kind and attuned to the other. We fiercely support each other and the marriage. The marriage takes priority. But we also don't love each other enough to let the other abuse us. Our love comes with expectations. I chose well.

As I grew up I didn't want the Disney kind of love. I wanted the real kind.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> I reject the premise, mostly because there is no way to qualify it.
> 
> So given what an audience for an Oprah branded website and the a Disney like expectation of marriage and love, I suspect what is meant by "love more then his wife" is really -
> 
> ...


I read your post a couple of times to hopefully really absorb what you’ve said and I agree with the points you have made.

I enjoyed reading about your marriage and the way you and your wife are. The two of you have what I think is perfection and the way you describe your marriage is awe-inspiring.

Also, regarding how most women reading the articles wouldn’t want a husband like that, I think you’re right. I know that I wouldn’t and I don’t.

I think my husband says he loves me more to be cute or nice (for lack of a better word).

Put another way, I love him less if he loves me more, and this is a reason why I don’t think it’s a compliment and why I tell him it’s nonsense. My husband doesn’t think that deeply about it though and it’s just something he says to me to express that he loves me a lot.

Thanks for such a great post and hope you are having a wonderful Saturday!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> I read your post a couple of times to hopefully really absorb what you’ve said and I agree with the points you have made.
> 
> I enjoyed reading about your marriage and the way you and your wife are. The two of you have what I think is perfection and the way you describe your marriage is awe-inspiring.
> 
> ...


Haven't you ever seen two cutesy teens say, I love, I love you more, no I love you more, no I LOVE YOU more and back and forth, lol. When. He's say I love you more just coyly say no I love you more.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I just read a thing like this. It said something about I don't say "i love you more" because I love you more than you love me. I say it because I love you more than our darkest day. I love you more than any problem that will come our way. I love you more than anything or anyone else.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> I’ve heard that a man should love a woman a little bit more than she loves him.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> ...


Oprah isn't someone who I would take the least notice of.
However she is irrelevant to this thread thankfully.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Quad73 said:


> Sounds like zero sex.
> 
> Just kidding around, carry on.


No, sounds like lots of sex!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Oprah isn't someone who I would take the least notice of.
> However she is irrelevant to this thread thankfully.


What if she gave you a new car?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> I read your post a couple of times to hopefully really absorb what you’ve said and I agree with the points you have made.
> 
> I enjoyed reading about your marriage and the way you and your wife are. The two of you have what I think is perfection and the way you describe your marriage is awe-inspiring.
> 
> ...


First of all I find it hard to believe that someone who's first post on here about her husband, doesn't love him in anyway as much as he loves her. I don't think it's wrong for you husband to playfully tease you about it if that is your thing though. Does he know what you put in your first post. I would say that just because some guys don't seem that deep or are outwardly expressive that they don't feel that way. 

Why did you bring it up? 

As far as me and my wife we don't have perfection, all we have is a deep joyful commitment to each other and our partnership and an abiding respect.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Haven't you ever seen two cutesy teens say, I love, I love you more, no I love you more, no I LOVE YOU more and back and forth, lol. When. He's say I love you more just coyly say no I love you more.


I will do that!! Thanks for putting it into a different light than what I've been thinking.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> First of all I find it hard to believe that someone who's first post on here about her husband, doesn't love him in anyway as much as he loves her. I don't think it's wrong for you husband to playfully tease you about it if that is your thing though. Does he know what you put in your first post. I would say that just because some guys don't seem that deep or are outwardly expressive that they don't feel that way.
> 
> Why did you bring it up?
> 
> As far as me and my wife we don't have perfection, all we have is a deep joyful commitment to each other and our partnership and an abiding respect.


Well, I think it's as close as one can get to perfection then! I was inspired by what you wrote. 

Thanks so much for the kind words. 

My husband knows I appreciate him but, no, I didn't read that post to him (in which I said those nice things about him). Do you think I should tell him the nice things I posted about him? 

It might sound silly, but I get kind of shy really pouring my heart out to him, although I have done it many times before. Maybe I will tell him tonight when we're spending time together. 

Why did I bring up that he says I love you more? Is that what you mean (sorry if I'm misunderstanding)?

If that's what you mean, I was just continuing and adding to what I replied before -- When you asked me if I thought my husband loves me more than I love him, and I replied I don't think he does but he says does. 

Have a great night!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> My husband knows I appreciate him but, no, I didn't read that post to him (in which I said those nice things about him). Do you think I should tell him the nice things I posted about him?
> 
> It might sound silly, but I get kind of shy really pouring my heart out to him, although I have done it many times before. Maybe I will tell him tonight when we're spending time together.


Here is what I would say. What are your motives? You say you are shy but are you protecting yourself at the cost of showing him love? Again in that case what are your motives, are they focused on him or self focused?

Are you being authentic in your love? The only way you will have a dynamic and active love and marriage is if you are open and authentic. If you are fully real with him.

I really believe in this. The older I get the more I believe in living your life with courage. loving with courage. I say when you feel it say it. Always say it, and if it's loving say it right then as soon as you can. Never hide your love for someone if you know it's safe. Why, what's the point. What better honor do we have but to love someone.

You wrote -



> my husband, the type of man I used to think only existed in fairy tales


What husband wouldn't want to know that.

By the way I am sad to see you removed the rest of it even the video. That was a very wonderful and important post. Even if your purpose was to bring people to a youtube channel. Listen I know you said that was not the case, but even if it was. If you want to start a youtube channel celebrating a healthy and happy marriage, and your love of your husband, that's awesome. That's SO MUCH better then a lot of other crap on there.

We are a cynical lot here at times don't let us change you, I hope you will continue to post here and ask the same type of questions without any pretense. This place needs that.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

sokillme said:


> *I really believe in this. The older I get the more I believe in living your life with courage. loving with courage. I say when you feel it say it. Always say it, and if it's loving say it right then as soon as you can. Never hide your love for someone if you know it's safe. Why, what's the point. What better honor do we have but to love someone.*


Standing applauses!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

so_sweet said:


> Hi Deejo,
> 
> Thank-you so much for the kind words. I'm a little confused. Do you mean that I should not post here any longer? I do have a very happy marriage and if this isn't a place for someone like me, I understand I will graciously leave. I apologize if I've completely misunderstood.Thank-you once again.


No, no, no. Not at all @so_sweet thoroughly encourage you to engage in discussion on the boards. Point I was trying to make, is that NOBODY around here takes things at face value, and you will likely encounter pushback, even when offering good, solid advice or contributions. But no, please don't interpret my post as encouraging you to not participate.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

When seeing the title I thought of Patrice O’Neal.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

sokillme said:


> We are a cynical lot here at times don't let us change you, I hope you will continue to post here and ask the same type of questions without any pretense. This place needs that.


Naww… well put.


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## DreamGuyxo (10 mo ago)

I vote Both loving equally
It all depends how comfortable the relationship is,

You can describe it as, "If you love me back, I will love you back", and "If you love me more, I will love you more,"

All in confrontation of who wants that willpower


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## Acacia Avenue (Oct 21, 2021)

Without having read the articles or all the comments here, I will just add that most everything from the Washington Post and Oprah has an empowering women bent to which is most likely male bashing and being a so called "strong" woman. So I don't even bother.


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## Tuscany (10 mo ago)

I think you can Google any phrase that has basic organized syntax and find results. Does this mean it is a "theory"? No. This is not a theory. It's an idea that some people have. A very odd one to attach oneself to, IMO.

Most humans would agree that it's preferable to be the more loved person in a relationship rather than the less loved one, assuming that things are not absolutely equal. Why or how could this be a gender issue?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> What if she gave you a new car?


She isn't going to do that.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> She isn't going to do that.


This could be you Diana!



Redirect Notice


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Here is what I would say. What are your motives? You say you are shy but are you protecting yourself at the cost of showing him love? Again in that case what are your motives, are they focused on him or self focused?
> 
> Are you being authentic in your love? The only way you will have a dynamic and active love and marriage is if you are open and authentic. If you are fully real with him.
> 
> ...


I have been a shy person in general for most of my life, although I’ve worked on it (and continue to work on it), and I’m less shy than I once was. Perhaps “shy” isn’t the right word as I think it’s more of a confidence issue.

Last night I told my husband the nice things I said about him in that post. I don’t often see my husband’s eyes well up with tears, but I did last night. He then shared one of his memories of me from when we were dating. It was something he had never mentioned before and it was very touching to hear.

I thank you, sokillme, for your posts to me and the advice, it’s all had such a positive and wonderful effect.

After reading the post in this thread where it’s said I’m a hopeful YouTuber (or whatever) and everything else said in that post, I felt like an unwelcome idiot.

And then others giving “likes” to that post (which to my understanding indicates they agree), I felt like maybe this forum isn’t for me. All of it really hurt my feelings at the time.

I deleted what I wrote in my "An appreciation post: my husband, the type of man I used to think only existed in fairy tales. Trigger warning: domestic violence discussed in post." post and deleted the video that was in it. 

Thank-you for the kind words. When I deleted the video/post, I was going to leave this forum.

Then I saw your post to me in this thread saying something like “is that a yes”, and I wanted to reply to you, so I did and here I still am!

I also received a nice private message from someone as well, which also made me think that I shouldn’t leave.

I don’t want to leave, I’m beginning to really like it here!

By the way:

I could edit the post and put back what I wrote. Should I?

I could also re-upload the video (I also removed it from YouTube), but I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with that now.

I see other posts I want to reply to as well, but it will have to be later on tonight! Gotta get dinner on the table!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Lady, 
Stay and go on posting.
Your valuable posts are good contributions.
Best wishes


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Deejo said:


> No, no, no. Not at all @so_sweet thoroughly encourage you to engage in discussion on the boards. Point I was trying to make, is that NOBODY around here takes things at face value, and you will likely encounter pushback, even when offering good, solid advice or contributions. But no, please don't interpret my post as encouraging you to not participate.


Hi Deejo,

I'm so sorry for misunderstanding! Thank-you for explaining it to me, I appreciate it.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

That sounds dumb.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Tuscany said:


> I think you can Google any phrase that has basic organized syntax and find results. Does this mean it is a "theory"? No. This is not a theory. It's an idea that some people have. A very odd one to attach oneself to, IMO.


I was using everyday language when I referred to this “idea” as a “theory”.

The below snippet speaks of scientific theory, but it may better explain what I mean:

"Part of the problem is that the word "theory" means something very different in lay language than it does in science: A scientific theory is an explanation of some aspect of the natural world that has been substantiated through repeated experiments or testing. But to the average Jane or Joe, a theory is just an idea that lives in someone's head, rather than an explanation rooted in experiment and testing."

The full article can be read here:
"Just a Theory": 7 Misused Science Words

Also, the point of mentioning the Google search results was that there are many articles that can be read on the subject. Are you seriously saying that I thought a bunch of Google results is what makes a theory?

Editing to add: To be clear, I do not think a bunch of Google results is what makes a theory.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

so_sweet said:


> I have been a shy person in general for most of my life, although I’ve worked on it (and continue to work on it), and I’m less shy than I once was. Perhaps “shy” isn’t the right word as I think it’s more of a confidence issue.
> 
> Last night I told my husband the nice things I said about him in that post. I don’t often see my husband’s eyes well up with tears, but I did last night. He then shared one of his memories of me from when we were dating. It was something he had never mentioned before and it was very touching to hear.
> 
> ...


Well that was me. I do apologize. We get those who come with grand messages doling out videos and advice or collecting surveys for their own books, channels. 
We’ve even he’s YouTube’s take the content here and read it as entertainment. These are people’s lives.

when I suspicious posts I call it suspicious. But I’m glad you stuck around and found your niche.

oh course anyone if welcome here and can post.

even if you had a book you could post but there are vender rules.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well that was me. I do apologize. We get those who come with grand messages doling out videos and advice or collecting surveys for their own books, channels.
> We’ve even he’s YouTube’s take the content here and read it as entertainment. These are people’s lives.
> 
> when I suspicious posts I call it suspicious. But I’m glad you stuck around and found your niche.
> ...


Thank-you for explaining that to me, and thank-you for the apology. I really appreciate it. 

I apologize as well for my snarky reply.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> I have been a shy person in general for most of my life, although I’ve worked on it (and continue to work on it), and I’m less shy than I once was. Perhaps “shy” isn’t the right word as I think it’s more of a confidence issue.
> 
> Last night I told my husband the nice things I said about him in that post. I don’t often see my husband’s eyes well up with tears, but I did last night. He then shared one of his memories of me from when we were dating. It was something he had never mentioned before and it was very touching to hear.
> 
> ...


First off - YES! You can find what you wrote in the follow up post that quote it. (Which is another reason why it makes no sense to delete it).

Second - I am happy my advice helped you and gave your husband a nice night. I got to say, if you can't be open with the primary person in your life, that is a great loss for both of you. I believe that the most joy in marriage comes from intimacy, gotta be vulnerable to have that though. Say it! Always say it. 

Finally - as far as this place goes, it kind of works like the loud and opinionated uncle, occasionally inappropriate, but always giving wise and timely advice but in the most blunt way. Then you learn that he is the way he is because he suffers fools lightly mostly because he has suffered from having a heart of gold. 

Stay, and ignore us when we are rowdy.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

so_sweet said:


> Thank-you for explaining that to me, and thank-you for the apology. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I apologize as well for my snarky reply.


For what it’s worth, I haven’t read anything from you that I would consider snarky.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

When I first started dating my wife I loved her more for sure. She could have done with or without me for the first few years. Which in all seriousness works wonderfully as a dating dynamic. 

I think I still win that contest but her love has grown for me. It's hard to measure it exactly though because compliments from anyone don't seem real to me. She tries to express what she feels occasionally and it just bounces off me like a rubber ball. That's something I have to work on.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

gaius said:


> She could have done with or without me for the first few years. Which in all seriousness works wonderfully as a dating dynamic.


@gaius Im curious about what you mean here. It doesn’t sound like a very good dating dynamic to me. Of course I haven’t dated in a million years so probably a little out of touch. Can you ELI5?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ideally both husband and wife would love the other more than they each love themselves. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @gaius Im curious about what you mean here. It doesn’t sound like a very good dating dynamic to me. Of course I haven’t dated in a million years so probably a little out of touch. Can you ELI5?


It works well when the woman doesn't immediately hand over every bit of her affection because the guy feels like he earned something when he finally gets it. And it makes him value it more. At least for relationships skewed toward a more traditional dynamic.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

gaius said:


> It works well when the woman doesn't immediately hand over every bit of her affection because the guy feels like he earned something when he finally gets it. And it makes him value it more. At least for relationships skewed toward a more traditional dynamic.


Interesting point. It matches with my experience with my wife. I definitely fell in love with her first, or at least verbally expressed it. It was a long time ago, but I can recall the felling of finally earning her love. I had to earn her trust after being burned in her previous relationship. I do suppose that made me put a greater value on it once I had it.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Interesting point. It matches with my experience with my wife. I definitely fell in love with her first, or at least verbally expressed it. It was a long time ago, but I can recall the felling of finally earning her love. I had to earn her trust after being burned in her previous relationship. I do suppose that made me put a greater value on it once I had it.


Indeed, I was in a similar situation. Except instead of getting burned the guy died on her. 

I think the only time playing a little hard to get can backfire on a woman is if the guy finds out she played super easy for some other guy. Then it's just a big insult.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

.


BigDaddyNY said:


> Interesting point. It matches with my experience with my wife. I definitely fell in love with her first, or at least verbally expressed it. It was a long time ago, but I can recall the felling of finally earning her love. I had to earn her trust after being burned in her previous relationship. I do suppose that made me put a greater value on it once I had it.


My husband said "I love you" first as well. Well, what he said was "I love you and I was wondering if you'll be my girl", and I replied "I.........like you a lot", and suggested we take it slower. I wasn't ready for a serious relationship at the time, and due to my bad previous marriage, I really needed to make sure as best as possible that he was a good guy. Well, he was/is a good guy, I eventually said "I love you" and eventually we got married.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

.


gaius said:


> Indeed, I was in a similar situation. Except instead of getting burned the guy died on her.
> 
> I think the only time playing a little hard to get can backfire on a woman is if the guy finds out she played super easy for some other guy. Then it's just a big insult.


If I'm understanding correctly, the man, that your wife was in a relationship with before you two met, died? That must've been difficult for your wife to deal with.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

gaius said:


> I think the only time playing a little hard to get can backfire on a woman is if the guy finds out she played super easy for some other guy. Then it's just a big insult.


Truer words were never spoken. Ouch!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

gaius said:


> I think the only time playing a little hard to get can backfire on a woman is if the guy finds out she played super easy for some other guy. Then it's just a big insult.


That reminds me of a betrayal I read about somewhere. The girl was playing hard to get, wanted to keep her virginity (if I recall)… made the guy jump through hoops just for basic affection. Turns out she was the town bicycle the whole freakin’ time. She was trying to go into the marriage with a pure rep with her hubby. Horrible story.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

so_sweet said:


> Thank-you for explaining that to me, and thank-you for the apology. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I apologize as well for my snarky reply.





heartsbeating said:


> For what it’s worth, I haven’t read anything from you that I would consider snarky.


Thanks!  I will chalk it up to being Canadian!

Snippet below from an article that can be found here:
Why do Canadians apologize so much?
_On the other hand, here we say 'sorry' so often that the province of Ontario had to make a law to literally limit the liabilities of chronic apologizers. The Apology Act was introduced in 2009 as a measure to give lawyers a fair chance defending clients who were never guilty but apologized to the aggrieved all the same."_


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

so_sweet said:


> Thanks!  I will chalk it up to being Canadian!
> 
> Snippet below from an article that can be found here:
> Why do Canadians apologize so much?
> _On the other hand, here we say 'sorry' so often that the province of Ontario had to make a law to literally limit the liabilities of chronic apologizers. The Apology Act was introduced in 2009 as a measure to give lawyers a fair chance defending clients who were never guilty but apologized to the aggrieved all the same."_


Like us Brits. Someone bumps into me and I appologise😅


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thread title "a man should love a woman more" reminds me of whenever my last ex complained that she felt she loved me more than I did her.
I have loved, but never been 'in love' before her, I was always the 'colder' partner of all my relationships - including the last one.

With my ex in the beginning I guess things were different as we used to play games to 'up' each other in the love factor. Then I realised on one of my birthdays when she spent too much time, money, and effort that it just had to stop. It was a difficult realisation because at the same time I had to put on a face to show her that I appreciated her and I was happy. I wasn't, she noticed it but I kept it in. How could I devastate her like that when she put in so much work? I didn't know what to do, I wanted a future with her, and for that I wanted us to stop spending thousands on each other and focus on more than romance otherwise we weren't going to go anywhere. So, I pulled back, and that was the beginning of the end.

For years she complained that she loved me more than I loved her. Always she compared me with her friend's boyfriends, TikTok couples. Everything I did for her was mere expectations, not appreciations. Oh how I just wasn't good enough. Meh. The only answer I could give her was to leave, what else can I say? It's not my place to set her standards, it's hers. All I could do was to love her the best way I could and hope it was enough. It wasn't. She wanted someone who can give her everything from beginning to end, consistency. Fair, but too bad, I can't give her that.

So I wonder who really loved each other more, and if the line of thought 'who loves who more' causes more problems than what it intends to inspire.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

so_sweet said:


> If I'm understanding correctly, the man, that your wife was in a relationship with before you two met, died? That must've been difficult for your wife to deal with.


Yes. It also came after being let down by the very few men she decided to put her faith in. After 20 years of dating disappointment she finally found the one she thought was it and he was dead from cancer within a year of getting married. Must have felt like God was punishing her.

I really had no clue about how truly awful it could be for a woman to lose her husband before I met her. I think a lot more men would have run out and got vaccinated for Covid if they had any clue what they were risking really doing to their wives.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

so_sweet said:


> I’ve heard that a man should love a woman a little bit more than she loves him.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> ...


No, that is false. 

Ideally each should love the other man they they do THEMSELVES. The moment one person loves themself more than their mate.....problems will come from that.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

gaius said:


> Yes. It also came after being let down by the very few men she decided to put her faith in. After 20 years of dating disappointment she finally found the one she thought was it and he was dead from cancer within a year of getting married. Must have felt like God was punishing her.
> 
> I really had no clue about how truly awful it could be for a woman to lose her husband before I met her. I think a lot more men would have run out and got vaccinated for Covid if they had any clue what they were risking really doing to their wives.


That's really heartbreaking and I'm sorry that your wife went through all of that. I hope that she's doing well now.


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## christine29 (Nov 30, 2021)

This quote, I believe, means that all women are soft and flexible when it comes to who they want to love. They might be able to understand the guy and learn to love them. Guys, on the other hand, usually love women just for loving them. They did not love and understand them because they tried to love and understand them.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

christine29 said:


> This quote, I believe, means that all women are soft and flexible when it comes to who they want to love. They might be able to understand the guy and learn to love them. Guys, on the other hand, usually love women just for loving them. They did not love and understand them because they tried to love and understand them.


Quite interesting viewpoint.
Would you mind to explain a bit more about?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I have actually read the opposite on these threads.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Attachment is a weakness. Edgy but true.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

so_sweet said:


> Why do Canadians apologize so much?


If this forum is any indicator, neither Canadians nor Brits are particularly polite. How they got such a reputation is a mystery.

I never heard of the posted 'theory'; but, there is no need to apologize for starting a thread to discuss.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Here's how it goes at different times in our house.
Bear in mind we are confident in and know we love each other.

I say I love you. Her: as you should. Then, I love you too. And sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes it's without the kidding. 
But who knows who does who the most.


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