# Would you keep your kids away from your ex?



## Sasz (Jan 3, 2014)

Ex and I have no legal custody arrangements. I filed for divorce, he did not respond, I am now in the process of filing for judgement. I recently found out that he has been using again (he's a drug addict), he's dealing drugs and he's ripped off some people for hundreds of thousands of dollars. His business is a borderline illegal type business and his partners are thugs and criminals. In the past few weeks, some of these people he has ripped off have tracked me down in order to get to him. I have given them his address, phone number, etc, just to keep them away from me & the kids. The kids have not spent any time alone with him in 7 weeks. In fact the only time they have seen him was on Christmas Day for one hour and I had my boyfriend supervise the visit. I am afraid that if he has the kids alone and something happens while they are with them, I could be charged with child endangerment. 

Thoughts?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Get legal arrangements in place NOW to keep him away from the kids except under strict supervision. 

If the courts want him to visit with them, the courts should arrange a NEUTRAL (neither your house nor his) place with a social worker present for him to visit with them. I would have your attorney ask for that.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Just go through the legal processes in your area concerning the kids. That will give him the opportunity to make his case if he so desires. Until that is settled sounds prudent not to have extended unsupervised visits of the kids with him. 
It is a bit disconcerting that your expressed concern is whether you might be in trouble if something happened. I think the primary concern should be the safety and well being of the kids.


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## Sasz (Jan 3, 2014)

I ask about liability because I need him to understand my reasoning for not letting him see the kids. Of course my first concern is for their safety and there is no way I am letting him see the kids anyway- but I must have a justified reason. 

As for getting anything done legally, I cannot afford an attorney. He is $10k behind in support and I cannot even afford to pay rent at this point. I have been using the self help center as much as possible, but I am full-time working mother and the center is only open during business hours. I took days off to file for the divorce and will have to take another day off to finish the paperwork for final judgement.

Child protection services will not get involved unless harm has already come to the minor children. 

I guess I am just looking for someone *with knowledge* or *has been thru a similar situation* to say, 'yes - you could be in trouble if you allow him to see the kids and something were to happens', so that I can tell him that.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Then I think the short answer is with no court order in place, it's not likely you would be in any trouble. You could lose the sympathy of a judge if it comes to a hearing. Practically speaking, he would have to initiate a court action to establish order or prove contempt of one. If he doesn't pay child support, how likely is he to file for visitation? Even if he does, it sounds like you can bring some compelling reasons to the table for your actions.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

There's more. 

You can find these papers to file online. They want you to buy them and print them out.... but you can type up your own to look just like the one they want you to pay for. (I did this. It worked.)

If your ex isn't contesting anything, it may not matter. Read up on the legalities of your state online. Find out what the actual laws are relating to child visitation. The judge may not agree to "no visitation" or even supervised visitation without proof of wrong-doing on your ex's part. The laws should tell you what to cover in your paperwork so that the judge is more likely to sign it! 

Keep a calendar/journal of any and all visitation from ex, even phone calls and text messages. This is proof of his lack of involvement which should work in your favor. 

Also, make a list of questions and call around to divorce attorneys for the "free consultation". Even if you get one hour here or there, or a phone consultation.... it should help you figure out which way to go with it. Ask them how much it matters which county you file in. (For example: one atty told me to file in the next county because that judge would be more open.... as opposed to this county where this judge is always by the book)

I also talked to the county clerk where I was filing. She can't give advise, but she could tell me if my paperwork was complete, or if I was forgetting a paper, or reciept or proof of something..... she was as helpful as she could be for free.  

And ya know.... you can refuse to let your kids go see your ex forever. HE would have to file against you if he wanted to fight you on it. The thing about addicts and a**holes, they often think they "KNOW" how it is.... but they won't go to the extra effort to make it happen. IF he asks about it, refuse. Period. If you have to explain then do it in writing via email or text and save them. IF you talk to him in person and he wants an explanation, then later you put it in an email and say "according to our conversation today....etc". DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. 

You may not have to file any visitation papers at all if he isn't arguing it with you. Just say no next time and see what happens. Do your homework in the meantime ..... just in case.


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