# 8.5 months preg and husband wants out...



## needhelp1 (Aug 18, 2009)

I am so confused. I don't know what to do. My husband and i have been together for 11 years. Married for 5 having first baby in less then 2 weeks. A week ago i found out that he is talking to his ex from 20 years ago on the phone all the time, texting and he has even seen her. He says that he can't trust me. (I admit i have done things in the past with money that he has a hard time trusting me.) He says I don't trust him and he does not trust me. He needs time to answer questions that he has. We are still living together, we harldy talk no affection. I feel like i'm going to have a nervous breakdown, i am so scared that i am going to be a single mom. I love him so much but I hate him for putting me through this. Any advise on what I should do? Should I wait and see if he will stay? I'm scared...............


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

Been their done that...Not exactly, but when I was preg, my hubby wanted to split...
Liv your life for you and your baby... You can't make him love you, but if he's just scared seeing you become strong will make th two of you stronger... Good Luck!
MARRIED TO SAME GUY 22 YEARS!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

needhelp1 said:


> He needs time to answer questions that he has.


Did he go into any detail on what questions he needs answered? If he is having a lot of contact with his ex, he may want to see if that will lead anywhere before making any decisions, in which case I would not wait it out and hope he chooses you, his wife and soon to be mother of his child.

The only way to rebuild trust between you is to start talking, openly and honestly. Even if he (or you) say things that may 'sting' it's important to not lash out in hurt/anger but to really listen and see if there are things you can both do to become closer and regain one another's trust.

With a baby so soon on the way, you may want to focus on that and take care of yourself and work on the marriage when you are back on your feet.


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## needhelp1 (Aug 18, 2009)

Yes, he said that he can't trust me and I can't trust him and he does not know if he will ever be able to trust me. 

I guess I don't know what to do in the mean time. It's like this has consumed my life and I don't know how to act around him I just want to hug him and give him a kiss but last night I went to give him a kiss after a 2 hour talk about all this and he said what is that going to help. We are in a very bad spot. He says that I don't make him unhappy I just really don't make him happy, we live like kids, and he is not financially secure and he's almost 40 he should be by know. 

I really feel like he is everything to me. I don't want to be a single mom, I don't want to look and see him with someone else. I really don't think I could deal with a divorce. I try so hard to be strong but all I do is cry. I wish I could just turn off all feelings and walk away but I just can't do it.....


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

I totally know what you're going through as well. I just had a baby 4 1/2 months ago and throughout my whole pregnancy my husband was a total jerk. He was talking to his ex and telling her he didn't find me attractive and that he wanted a divorce and that he didn't know why he married me. 

The only advice I have to give is be totally blunt with him. I told him point blank we either get marriage counseling or I would be out the door and to my surprise he didn't even hesitate to say marriage couseling. 

Being pregnant is a totally stressful time and you don't need all this on your plate. You just need lots of support. Be direct with him and give him an ultimatum. If he's not willing to man up then leave. It's hard but it's worse being with someone who doesn't really care about you. If you leave and he tries to get you back then at least you have something to work with. Hope this helps.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

how long ago did 'the things in the past regarding money' occur where he felt he could not trust you? What have you done (other than apologize) in order to rebuild his trust? If you can actively regain his trust in this area (develop a budget, future plans, etc and stick to it) so he knows you are serious he may start to come around. If you do this and he still cannot forgive you, at least you have done all you can.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Begin getting some help now. If he refuses, you go on your own. It's important that you have support during this time. 

You have a few more weeks to go before the baby. I wouldn't make any rash moves right now unless there was abuse. In my opinion, I would wait it out before I give any ultimatums. 

I know you must feel devastated and scared. That is why support is so important. He is selfish right now. Probably defensive as well since you caught him with the OW.


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