# dealing with in-laws children



## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

The issue I am having is that my niece, 3 years old, can be....oh how do I say it....very annoying and bratty. My SIL and her daughter live with my husband and I so I have to deal with this issue on a daily basis. I usually state firmly to her if I do not want her to do something (eg. take the fork from my plate while I'm eating, scream at the top of her lungs in the living room, pull the cat's tail, etc) but it seems she only behaves if she is given a consequence to her actions. Her mom very rarely steps in, and I am not comfortable punishing her because she is not my child. 

What can I do?


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## hismrs959 (Sep 14, 2010)

She is your husband's sister? Have your husband talk to her. If that doesn't help, when she won't stop doing something say "If you don't stop pulling the cat's tail, I'm going to tell your mother" Hopefully your SIL will take the hint and step in. If STILL no change, I would talk to SIL directly. No one likes being told how to be a parent, so this is why I would save this one for last. Just tell her what you wrote here. If she has a problem with what you're asking for, suggest she find her own place where she can let her daughter do whatever the heck she wants without bothering anyone. Sugarcoat where you deem necessary for the sake of peace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would tell SIL that you have rules in your house for how children behave. Explain that you'll be happy to be the person enforcing the rules with her daughter if she doesn't want to and that, if she chooses neither of those options, you'll help her find a new place to live. Nicely, of course. 

Oh, and watch SuperNanny with her.


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## AWife (Sep 25, 2010)

turnera said:


> I would tell SIL that you have rules in your house for how children behave. Explain that you'll be happy to be the person enforcing the rules with her daughter if she doesn't want to and that, if she chooses neither of those options, you'll help her find a new place to live. Nicely, of course.
> 
> Oh, and watch SuperNanny with her.


I agree with this. Talk to her first. If she refuses and her moving is not an option for whatever reason you tell her you are going to give the child consequences. I have NO PROBLEM putting a bratty child that's in MY HOUSE in the corner. We of course have an understanding and a close friendship with the bratty child's (there are actually 2) parents. Funny - those bratty children behave and listen at my house! 

We do have one friend with a bratty child that has issues with the corner or any discipline. Ok fine, you and child stay outside. We can visit on the patio. Thankfully they moved.... I have raised 5 that did not tear up things and terrorize my household. I have no patience for it!


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

I have a whole new variation on this issue now. My SIL and niece moved out of our house in November.  And as misbehaved as my niece can be, SIL was the biggest pain that I have ever met. Needless to say I was glad to see her move. Well now she is still sore over me asking her to move out and has told the rest of my husband's family that I was "abusive" to niece during the 4.5 years they lived with us. It is total and outright bulls*** but she nevertheless spreads it. As I stated in my original post, I did not feel comfortable punishing niece since she was not my child. I actually punished her maybe 5 times in that 4.5 year period (and by punishment I mean either a spanking or putting her in the corner or sending her to her room). The rest of the time I'd refer it to my SIL. In my eyes, if its your child, you punish them. Why should I have to do it? Yet SIL actually told me once (ab 2 mos bf she moved out) that she'd rather have the person who her child made upset punish her. ??? I said, well I'm glad to know you trust me to do that. 
I don't think that anyone believes her except for her mother, my MIL. In fact, another SIL was the one that confided in me and told me she was spreading this rumor. She also has apparently been posting crap on Facebook about it and other stuff about me, though she won't actually use my name. or say it to my face. 
Is there anything I can do about this?


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

ofcourse she isnt going to learn unless there are consequences for her behavior. I would parent that child like she was my own if she were living in my house, ESPECIALLY if her mother and father refuse to step in. If they complained, the word i would use wouuldnt be nice. Screaming at the top of her lungs? nawww....abusing my pet? HELL NO. Grow a pair. This is ur home and dont let a 3 year old run it, whether her parents step in or not


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, you can always turn HER in to CPS and see what shakes out...

Seriously, just ignore her. If anyone approaches YOU about it, tell them the truth.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Funny thing is, my SIL has already been investigated by CPS stemming from an accident my niece had when my SIL took her to an apartment complex pool. She nearly drowned and SIL was investigated for neglect bc my niece did not have any floaties or a lifejacket on, and fell into the pool at the opposite end of where SIL was sitting talking to friends so it seemed like she was not paying attention to my 3yr old niece. 

When this happened, they were still living with us and my SIL did not even call us to tell us our niece was in the hospital. We did not find out until 9pm that night when the one brother she did call, called my husband and said "Hey you need to get down here" and explained what happened. Well, my husband went down there and was told that we had to take temporary custody of our niece till the investigation was done. Since niece had to stay in hospital overnight (SIL was allowed to stay the night there with her), I went and checked her out in the morning and then took her to a follow up appointment two days later. Luckily, she did not suffer any permanent injuries. The investigation lasted about a week. CPS counseled SIL on pool safety and interviewed all of us at my house. They granted her back custody bc we vouched for her, saying that she loves her daughter very much and that the best place for the child to be is with her mother. Which I do believe to be true, though SIL is a stink my niece certainly would not do better being a ward of the state. And honestly, if they had told us to take permanent custody of our niece, I could just see SIL taking off with her anyway. 

I've come to the conclusion that my SIL is an ungrateful slob. She will say anything that fits her agenda at the moment. You are only her friend if you are doing something for her. What she fails to realize is the reason all her relationships (family & friends) fail is bc she only takes and never gives. 

So far I have only spoken about SIL's accusation to my other SIL that confided in me about the rumor. I think that speaking on the subject with other family members will only serve to further SIL's agenda, as she has a way of twisting every word you say around to mean what she wants it to. I believe you are right, turnera, in saying I should ignore her. I think that is just what I'll do


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