# Collabrative Divorce Experience?



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Have any of you any experience or heard of a collaborative divorce?


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

I am going through one right now. My understanding is that it can be cheaper than a traditional divorce--you mutually hire experts which are generally less expensive than your attys costs. Both of your attys need to be trained in the collaborative process. If you cannot come to terms, you have to start over with new lawyers. Informative website: IACP: Collaborative law,collaborative practice,collaborative divorce.
I advise you to shop attys no matter what process you go by.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

andwilson said:


> @Mamatomany,
> What could be the reason behind your divorce? :scratchhead:
> 
> Divorce is not an easy situation to handle. You must consult an expert for some healthy relationship advice, that might solve your divorce problem.


Reason? Complicated...
He doesn't want to be married to me anymore after almost 3 decades he is ready to give up. 
He has made it clear we are "done."
Has always refused any therapy. 
Moved out. 
Almost completely stopped communicating.
Loss of trust in each other.

You name it... 

But I have many children to take care of and someone suggested collaborative divorce but I am wondering if we would be able to do it. It sounds nicer than the litigative/mediation (traditional) but I don't know if we are to the point of let's try to be nice.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Almost every divorce ends up with an out of court agreement. Which means you almost never need to have lawyers arguing at your expense. Mediation is required where I live, and only if that does not work will a court hear the case as a trial.

You should each have a lawyer advise you so that you protect your rights. But you and your STBX will do all the negotiating. A trained mediator will work with you to keep the process moving productively and to create documents which should meet the requirements. It would be smart to pay your own lawyer for an hour or two of time to review the final docs just to be sure you are getting what you think you are.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

W/ our collaborative divorce, someone will still file, and there will be a court date in the future. 
Because you are working together toward a common end, there needs to be communication, so if your STBX isn't talking, collaborative might not be the way to go for you.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

andwilson said:


> I understand your feeling, but you should convince him not to give divorce as it would ruin the life of your children, if you have


He is in his own foggy world and really doesn't care what it will do to their world. It will all end up my fault anyway. In almost 5 wks he has seen his young children maybe a total of 5 hours and this includes driving them from pt a to b. When I mention it to him it's because I require him to call ahead before just dropping by (again my fault - blame shifting). He is not ready to take responsibility for anything/anyone. 


Divorce is the last thing I want. I went to a MC who is "marriage friendly" and specializes in marriage/children and she is the one that suggested collaborative divorce but right now the way he is acting my bulldog lawyer is more likely who I will use (if I have to).


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