# Please help....



## jlsmith (Jan 17, 2011)

My husband I have been together 2 1/2 years. Our sexual relationship started great for about 6 months and then he just stopped trying to have sex with me. He always had an excuse that he was tired (he's in the military and was going through flight school# or after we got engaged it was because he felt bad having sex with me before we were married. The entire time I just felt awful about myself. (I know that I am an attractive woman, I have petite body and a pretty face I get hit on all the time...just not by my husband). The entire time he was saying no to me he was online masterbating and lieing about it. I caught him in the act two days after we got married. Since then we have had a fight once every couple weeks about this. He does it behind my back and I catch him (I have a log on the home computer and then I also have been checking his new kindle which he just recently started downloading books on.) He always tries to lie about it and then eventually it comes out. I keep trying to tell him how bad it makes me feel and he just keeps doing it....he tells me that I am crazy and it shouldn't bother me that all guys do it. My problem is that it seems like he will masterbate a couple times a week and try to have sex with me once every two weeks (I'm pretty sure that 's because he feels bad). It hurts me that he would rather do that than be with me. I don't know what else to do...I feel destroyed by everything. I don't understand why he would keep doing something that he knows hurts me so bad. What do I do?


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

First things first. Seems that this has turned into some trust issues for you. Not a quick thing to overcome.

Have you talked to him to find out why he feels the need to look at porn and/or masturbate vs. having sex with you? Is he looking for some spice? Do you help try to spice things up? Have you always been angry about it vs. asking him questions about it? Have you tried looking at it with him vs. being angry about it?

He is wrong in saying that all guys do it. Yes, I would say most guys masturbate some, but not to the point of ignoring sex with their spouses. All guys definitely do not look at porn.

Maybe you need to try dating each other again. Spending quality time together etc.

Hope this starts to help.


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## jlsmith (Jan 17, 2011)

It really has. I actually have started questioning small things he tells me because I feel like if he can lie about this what else would he lie to me about. I actually found out this morning (by going through his kindle which I hate) that he masterbated while I was in the house sleeping on the couch Saturday which makes trust even harder for me. 

He says that him masturbating does not affect our sex life. So he just refuses to believe that what he is doing could be the reason we don't have sex. He did say that and I started trying that and it works but the problem is that he still doesn't initiate and I really miss feeling desired. He just makes excuses, I fix what he suggests and things get better until I am sick of making all the effort and I go through stuff and find out he is still masterbating and we fight again. 

I wouldn't mind that he looked at porn and masterbated if it didn't affect our sex life. I just want to have sex with my husband especially because he deploys next month and I go a year without it anyway. 

Thank You.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Him beating it off instead of having sex with you...RED FLAG!!! As much as i enjoy porm, i enjoy making love to my wife 10x better. For some reason, he prefers the fantasy over the real thing. How is your sex life when you do make love? Is it Vanilla? Basically is it just the regular position, same ole, same ole everytime. You would think if he was bored with it, he'd just try some things to keep it new. I guess another problem is him being in the military, when he is away from you, his only other sources is ... his hand. So perhaps he's gotten to attached (no pun). So lay down the law and tell him how you really feel, and how serious it is or else you will have a lifetime of marriage with very little sex and unthusiast sex. Trust me, that is not fun.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> he tells me that I am crazy and it shouldn't bother me that all guys do it.


Whenever someone uses this type of excuse to justify their own flaws, tell them "Dont compare yourself with the worst, compare yourself with the best", line works on egotistical folks, worked on me.

Ne ways I agree with Joel, spice things up a bit.


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