# She won't ask a doctor, so I'm asking you



## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

A week ago, my wife and I are moving through our typical twice-a-week-extended-foreplay leading to oral-sex orgasm for her and PIV-lube-assisted intercourse orgasm for me, in that order or reverse order. I can't remember which; we go back and forth. Anyhow, once carefully inside her, I thrust back and forth 2 or 3 slow times and BIG OUCH for her. We stopped, checked the lube - OK- so no more intercourse that night. This has never happened this quickly before in 10 years of active sex. Yes, we've worn out the lube, or worn out each other. We're both fairly fit and in our 60's. 

It's been 6 days, we're going to try intercourse again tonight. Any suggestions about what might be going on inside her. She's shy about asking a doctor, so I'm asking you. And you may have more collective knowledge than the doctors anyhow, or suggestions about what to ask the doctor.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Honestly, as none of us are currently doing an internal pelvic exam on your wife, I don't see how you are going to get any kind of accurate or valuable answer.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would encourage her to go to her doctor if this keeps happening. Really, doctors are there to help, not judge or criticize. She's not the first woman this has happened to, and she won't be the last. If it were me, I would want to get to the bottom of the pain #1: to find out if it's something more serious, and #2: to be able to enjoy sex again.


----------



## Kerry (Jan 9, 2009)

How sweet that you care a lot about your wife!

If it were me, I wouldn't go to a doctor unless it isn't persistent and/or not one of the following things. I mean, a quick thrust can hurt sometimes (not that it's intentional!).

Anyway, IDK what's going on for her, but I'll share my own experiences. 

You mention lube, could the pain be due to dryness or is it more internal? If so, I've not used lube since we discovered coconut oil (game changer, thank you TAM). Never dries out like lube and is silky smooth (I use the kind that hardens when cold...easier to manage.)

If the pain is more internal, could be...
- not turned on enough and things just aren't "open" enough. Has nothing to do with wet or dry, it's kind of a body shift thing (for me that is). Sometimes it matters more than others. As we get more into it, things shift for the better.
- Similar to above, my body changes at at various times of the month. Things just shift around and sometimes a certain position/angle hurts when it normally doesn't.

If she's too shy to talk with her doctor, she might be too shy to tell you the truth. She might not be turned on enough for the amount of thrusting you're doing at that time and might not want to tell you (she may feel self-conscious or guilty or just not want to hurt your feelings that she's not turned on or into it (yet!)). Doesn't mean she can't or won't be, just a timing thing.

If I EXPERIENCE THIS, I ASK MY HUB TO:
- Start gently, enter gently, start slow, ease into thrusting and build up slowly.
- Understand that one position feels great sometimes and others not so much.

Your wife may have to get more comfortable telling you what's going on, not sure, but I suspect you'll figure it out together.

HTH!


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

She needs to speak with her ob-gyn.

Why isn’t she the one posting here? She can’t even discuss this anonymously?

Does she have any relevant medical history? For instance has she had a hysterectomy? 

And again, she should have gone to see her ob-gyn the next day. 

Isn’t her sexual health as important as her overall health? A sharp pain is a sharp pain. In her foot, her vagina, or her chest, it seems to me.


----------



## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

There have been plenty of times that if we move too quickly, I get a sharp pain from a too deep thrust. But it has never been enough to end activity for the night. We stop for a minute and go back even slower and it's fine. So in my opinion, a pain that was enough to end the session warrants a discussion with her doctor, especially of it happens again. Being nervous about pain can lead to pain so going into it as relaxed as possible is important.


----------



## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

livvie said:


> honestly, as none of us are currently doing an internal pelvic exam on your wife, i don't see how you are going to get any kind of accurate or valuable answer.


this^


----------



## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

OP-

Please encourage your wife to go to her GYN-
At her age there are life threatening reasons why intercourse is painful.

Please insist your wife get fully checked out and get a clean bill of health.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Do you use different positions?. Some may be better for her than others.


----------



## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> She needs to speak with her ob-gyn.
> Why isn’t she the one posting here?
> And again, she should have gone to see her ob-gyn the next day.
> Isn’t her sexual health as important as her overall health? .


In general, my wife takes care of the rest of the world, before she takes care of herself. We talk about this, and she's getting better.
She would never post here, even anonymously, and would be upset if she knew I was posting, anonymously. For me, sexual health in an important part of overall health, and something I try to talk about with her, both specifically about how we have sex and more generally about attending to individual needs and each other's sexual needs . She is very resistant to these discussions, and clams up. "Why do you have to analyze sex, can't we just do it?" My answer, 'cause I'm not a mind reader. And "we just do it" less these days. We are getting better talking about it.

And to my original post, we had trial sex last night, and everything went slowly, lubely, smoothly, without pain, then faster, more heatedly (without pain), and I finished quickly intentionally. And she was also able to have an oral orgasm, as usual. So her ability to let go and enjoy has not cut off by the earlier incident. Yeah!!! Onward, inward, and upward!


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

Wow, yeah, there is no way anyone on here can give you any kind of real advice. At 60, it could be as simple as vaginal atrophy or it could be something more serious. If it happens again, she needs to talk to the doctor.


----------



## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

Randy,

Have your wife get a pelvic examination and also research Fibroid Tumors. If existent, they have been known to make intercourse painful. Just don't let Larry Nassar do the examination.

Best of luck to you and your significant other....


----------



## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

You hit her cervix maybe?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

dianaelaine59 said:


> You hit her cervix maybe?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Nope, I wasn't that far in when she felt the pain. And I know what it feels like to hit a cervix. I'm careful.


----------



## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Randy2 said:


> Nope, I wasn't that far in when she felt the pain. And I know what it feels like to hit a cervix. I'm careful.




Ovaries? A cyst on the ovary is very painful. 

The whole area can be tender. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------

