# Promises..cant keep this one..i feel overwhelmed and confused



## raven89 (Aug 12, 2013)

Ok...so my husband and I have a great relationship. We do everything together, and our life is great. BUT, he has a fetish with women stuffing and gaining weight on purpose. When we first met, i did not know this until later on. I was and still am so in love with him, that when he asked me to gain a little weight, i said yes. (I know i know). I am embarrassed and dont have anyone to talk to about this, but i have gained just over 40 pounds!!!!! At this point, i want to stop, and i want to just stay how i am. I am not even "fat" looking at all, i hold my weight well...but he wans to keep pushing and obsessing over calories, etc. I had made a promise that i will keep gaining for "us"....but i dont want to. I love him, and i want to make him happy. He gets upset and obsesses even more when i dont eat enough calories. I feel like sometimes thats all he cares about....i just need advice on how to handle this. He makes me feel bad or like a bad wife if i dont go through with my promises. 

BTW, I just signed up here. Im just in need of good advice...thanks !


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow! For real? He's crazy and you are crazier for listening to him and putting your health at risk. Stop it right now before you cause damage to your body you will regret later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

mablenc said:


> Wow! For real? He's crazy and you are crazier for listening to him and putting your health at risk. Stop it right now before you cause damage to your body you will regret later.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agree 100%. Get him to come with you to a doctors appointment or a counseling session, and he can clarify to a non-biased party what's going through his little fat-loving mind. And you need to learn to set boundaries, and maybe work on your self-esteem. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## raven89 (Aug 12, 2013)

Yes I can admit my self esteem wasn't in good shape before him and I met. I guess that's why I can't seem to speak up to him.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Sorry, but that sounds crazy-pants to me. Do you have any idea the damage that you are doing to your body? Gaining weight is no joke, and losing it is very, very difficult. Diabetes kills people. Obesity kills people. Heart disease, clogged arteries, and high blood pressure kill people.

Get back on a healthy diet, start exercising, and tell your husband he needs to seek a really, really good psychiatrist. His mental illness is no reason for you to damage your health.


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## raven89 (Aug 12, 2013)

I haven't went to the doctor recently since this started. One thing I told my husband is that my feet ache, and sometimes at night, my legs ache. I said its from weight gain, and he said its just something ill have to get use to.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Why its he making you commit suicide?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He's sick, you might love him and have fun together but he is sick. If he likes big girls that would be one thing, I think he likes to manipulate you into getting fat. It is very disturbing to hear that he convinced you to get fat for "us". 

I can see why its embarrassing for you to ask for help but, this is his mental illness. I think you just need a boost in self esteem to stand up to him.

I can promise you without knowing you that you are worth much more than that. You deserve to have a person who loves you and looks out for your best interest. Please look into IC, at the very least read up on co-dependancy.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

raven89 said:


> I haven't went to the doctor recently since this started. One thing I told my husband is that my feet ache, and sometimes at night, my legs ache. I said its from weight gain, and he said its just something ill have to get use to.


No, you don't have to get used to that because you don't have to feed his sick fantasy.

This man is perfectly content forcing you to endanger your health, and forcing you to feel pain. Why do you want to be with him?? When you have a heart attack, or when they have to amputate your feet because your diabetes is out of control and you have no blood circulation, he's going to say, "it's just something you have to get used to." Are you really ok with a man who doesn't give a damn about you?

He's SICK. He's mentally ill. You don't have to do this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

raven89 said:


> I haven't went to the doctor recently since this started. One thing I told my husband is that my feet ache, and sometimes at night, my legs ache. I said its from weight gain, and he said its just something ill have to get use to.


Is your husband controlling about other things?

If he was obsessed with women gaining weight, he could have found a women who has this sort of problem naturally and just support her to do nothing about a problem that she already has.

Instead he's taking someone without said issue and trying to turn you into something you are not. This is as much about control as it is about anything else. 

My bet is that if you were to stand up to him he'd start acting like any abusive control freak. What to find out if I'm right. Get on a diet and exercise program.

The benefit of you being overweight is that he can control you and help to keep your self esteem even lower than it was. He feels a lot safer with an overweight woman. 

You do need to stop force feeding yourself. At some point your body's systems are going to break down. You will go into insulin resistance and eventually to diabetes. Once you develop insulin resistance, weight loss/control will be almost impossible. But of course he will know that you are less likely to leave him 'cause it would be even harder to find another guy.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Not to mention that weight gain one of the fastest routes to depression. 

How old are you? How old is he? how long have you been married?


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## raven89 (Aug 12, 2013)

Oh gosh....control issue. Him and I have fought many times about control. I told him I felt I was being controlled in certain ways. It has gotten better, way better. Actually, as I sit here and think, maybe it has gotten bearable. He hates makeup, painted nails, long hair, tans, energy drinks, etc. He doesn't want me to own makeup. I have bought makeup, and he found it and tore it apart and got mad because I was hiding it. This weight thing is the biggest issue. I don't know why I let myself do this. Im 22, he is 35. We have been knowing each other for over a year, married for 3 months. I just don't think something is right about him, I found shemale porn all over his computer. I have a feeling he is secretly gay. He really doesn't get hard by looking at me, or looking at other women. Only when weight gain is talked about in bed, he gets turned on. Sorry im rambling on, about things that don't have much to do with my post.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your husband is a mental gong show, and you're feeding right into it. Get help for yourself, and set boundaries for him or get out. Personally, I'd say get out. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

PBear said:


> Your husband is a mental gong show, and you're feeding right into it. Get help for yourself, and set boundaries for him or get out. Personally, I'd say get out.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agee, run and don't look back! You can get your life back on track without him. You married him too soon IMO. Do you have family that can help you? Look into getting an annulment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You only have a few months in this relationship. Leave this is as good as it will ever get. It's going down hill from here.

Do you have family and friends near your? Please tell them what is going on and get their help to leave. Your husband has serious problems that you cannot fix.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm gonna tell you something that may sound crazy but hear me out. He hates you, to him you are torchering and punishing item for his fustrations and anger. He needs to you to be shamed, unhappy and unhealthy to boost his ego. He needs to feel better than you. He needs to control you. I bet he's only happy when you are controlled. Him getting mad over things that make you happy or look better is proof that he can't see that. His happiness equals your failure your pain, your defeat. You will never be happy because that's the reason he has you.

When you love someone you want them to be happy, you like to see them smile. Look at what you are willing to so for him, what is he willing to do for you? 

Think about it, please get help
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I'm gonna tell you something that may sound crazy but hear me out. He hates you, to him you are torchering and punishing item for his fustrations and anger. He needs to you to be shamed, unhappy and unhealthy to boost his ego. He needs to feel better than you. He needs to control you. I bet he's only happy when you are controlled. Him getting mad over things that make you happy or look better is proof that he can't see that. His happiness equals your failure your pain, your defeat. You will never be happy because that's the reason he has you.
> 
> When you love someone you want them to be happy, you like to see them smile. Look at what you are willing to so for him, what is he willing to do for you?
> 
> Think about it, please get help


:iagree: She represents all women and he hates women. This is what I sounds like.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Also please make sure to clear your browser history and delete emails from this site and clear your deleted mail folder. You need to get a plan ready it before you approach this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zookeepertomany (Jun 27, 2013)

It's a fetish called Feederism. Yes, it has a name and there are many shows about it and the relationship dynamic of it. Normally both parties are into it.


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## Zookeepertomany (Jun 27, 2013)

Strange Sex had an episode about it and I believe Taboo as well. I know National Geo had a show, I'm not sure if it was Taboo or a just a special on it.

It is not about hate it is truly a sexual fetish. Too bizarre for me but to each their own. If someone wants to willingly eat until they are 700lb or whatever weight and it turns their partner on, more power to them. It's unhealthy but if they are two consenting adults, have at it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zookeepertomany said:


> Strange Sex had an episode about it and I believe Taboo as well. I know National Geo had a show, I'm not sure if it was Taboo or a just a special on it.
> 
> It is not about hate it is truly a sexual fetish. Too bizarre for me but to each their own. If someone wants to willingly eat until they are 700lb or whatever weight and it turns their partner on, more power to them. It's unhealthy but if they are two consenting adults, have at it.


I think that you have missed some important points here. 

We've moved beyond the "feederism".

He's controlling of her down to not allowing her to own/use makeup and many more things. He is not sexually turned on by her. It's into she-males.. not women.


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## Zookeepertomany (Jun 27, 2013)

Oh it's about control, I don't doubt that. I get it, I did not miss anything. 

He has several fetishes. If your not into it divorce him, period. If your not into any of those lifestyles than get out. A man with those types I doubt will change.


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## raven89 (Aug 12, 2013)

I talked to him last night. I told him I don't want health problems later in life die to being overweight. I said I could get get high blood pressure or other issues. He said he would rather me take medicine every day instead of lose weight and get healthy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

raven89 said:


> I talked to him last night. I told him I don't want health problems later in life die to being overweight. I said I could get get high blood pressure or other issues. He said he would rather me take medicine every day instead of lose weight and get healthy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you know where you stand, if you didn't before. He'd rather see you sick than healthy and happy and he doesn't care that you don't want to get sick. He'd probably rather see you dead than healthy and happy.

Now, what are you going to do about it? 

I'm hoping your answer includes, "Pack up my stuff and leave him forever, and get back to a healthy diet and exercise because I deserve a LOT better than this."


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

raven89 said:


> I talked to him last night. I told him I don't want health problems later in life die to being overweight. I said I could get get high blood pressure or other issues. He said he would rather me take medicine every day instead of lose weight and get healthy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, then how do you feel? Basically said I don't care about you. All medications have side effects. 

What are you thinking? What do you want to do?

can you get some support? family, friends, counseling?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Zookeepertomany said:


> Oh it's about control, I don't doubt that. I get it, I did not miss anything.
> 
> He has several fetishes. If your not into it divorce him, period. If your not into any of those lifestyles than get out. A man with those types I doubt will change.


I don't think it really a fetish, I think he likes he to suffer. If it was a fetish I think she would be complaining about him looking at overweight and over eating women.
I think it is his way of isolating and making her feel bad so he can control her. 

People wont leave you as easy if you destroy their self-esteem and crush their dreams.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

raven89 said:


> I talked to him last night. I told him I don't want health problems later in life die to being overweight. I said I could get get high blood pressure or other issues. He said he would rather me take medicine every day instead of lose weight and get healthy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How to put this delicately... Is he not the sharpest knife in the drawer? Is tying his shoes the greatest achievement of his day?

Taking medication for symptoms isn't the same thing as a cure for an illness. Ask him to have his leg amputated so that he can wear a sexy prosthesis for you. It will be exactly the same as having a real leg because he'll still be able to walk. 

Actually, you should amputate this guy from your life.


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## Zookeepertomany (Jun 27, 2013)

Then you have a few choices, stay with him as you are and know he is not sexual attracted to you because he likes heavy women and whatever his fetishes are or get fat and live the lifestyle. Either way I doubt you will be happy. You can not change him, he is what he is. He doesn't want to change.

I think the best way is to except that, that is who he is, and realize he is not for you and leave and find someone who is compatible with you. Be true to yourself.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

NO no no no NOOOO!!!
There is no happy ending to this situation. 
You will give up your health, your self esteem, and more just so he might get it up for you?
There are a thousand other men in your town who could love you _just the way you are_, and who would want you to stay healthy and happy because it makes you happy, and makes them happy and proud to be seen with you. 
If H didn't like you the way you were before you got married, he should've gone out and found himself a fatty._ That's not you_, and the 40 pounds you've already gained are already taking years off your life. 
Get away from this man. He needs help, but you don't have to BE that help. Marriage is supposed to be mutually beneficial, not one person submitting to far-out fetishes that are not healthy. 
No no no no no.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

mablenc said:


> I'm gonna tell you something that may sound crazy but hear me out. He hates you, to him you are torchering and punishing item for his fustrations and anger. He needs to you to be shamed, unhappy and unhealthy to boost his ego. He needs to feel better than you. He needs to control you. I bet he's only happy when you are controlled. Him getting mad over things that make you happy or look better is proof that he can't see that. His happiness equals your failure your pain, your defeat. You will never be happy because that's the reason he has you.
> 
> When you love someone you want them to be happy, you like to see them smile. Look at what you are willing to so for him, what is he willing to do for you?
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I saw an episode of Dr Phil about this very thing. Phil said all of this and more. In the end she had to leave him.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Honestly, it sounds to me like your husband has mental issues. And gaining weight like that is bad for your health.


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