# No idea what to do



## lumberjack (Aug 3, 2015)

I've been married just over three years now and I do not love my husband and it keeps getting worse. I knew about a month before we were married that I did not want to proceeded with the marriage but I told myself I was just having cold feet and everything would be fine. On our ten day honeymoon we had sex one time and I even told him that I didn't want to be with him. Now three years later, I have told him over and over again that I am extremely unhappy and that if things don't change, Ill leave. He refuses to make any sort of effort to improve the marriage but claims he loves me more than anything. We have sex once every three or four months, it only happens after drinking and its terrible, I can't wait for it to be over. I feel nothing for him. I do not understand how he is content living this way! 

Another big issue is that I feel like I can't tell anyone. My husband is a great guy to everyone else, my family loves him and I'm good at pretending like I love him. Not a single person has any idea how I really feel except for my husband. I feel like if he really loved me he would either change or just let me go and put me out of my misery! I wan't to be with someone I want and love and would really like to enjoy sex a few times before I die. I wish this could be my husband but more hope for this is lost every day. I feel like its a matter of time before I cheat on him and I just don't have the balls to leave him right now. I have quite a large family and there has not been a single divorce on either side. I do not want to be the big failure of the family. 

Anyway, maybe just getting it out could help (doubtful) but if anyone has a similar story or any suggestions whatsoever, I am open to them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So the primary issue is that there's no sex? How often do you attempt to initiate sex? How often do you get shot down?

And just so we're clear, are you male or female?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that you want your husband to change. What changes do you want him to make?


Why don't you enjoy sex with him?


.


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## lumberjack (Aug 3, 2015)

No, sex is not the primary issue. I guess I just blurted it all out without being specific. I am female. I do not believe that I love him anymore, am no longer attracted to him so I do not want to have sex with him. I almost never initiate and I know he would like to but he doesn't. If he acted more like a man an did initiate it, I'd probably go for it. And when it does happen, its extremely awkward, quick and boring. 

Other reasons why I have fallen out of love are his lack of motivation and confidence. When I first met him he was confident and he kept his place and himself clean and well maintained. Now he doesn't have as much confidence which may be partially my fault, he thinks I am smarter than he is. He also has gotten lazy, I was on a work trip for about six weeks and I came home and he hadn't dusted or vacuumed once. There was so much dog hair on our couch that I got hives, it was disgusting. 

Really what I think the issue is, is that I don't consider my husband manly anymore. I love him but I love him like my little brother who I have to take care of and walk him through simple tasks.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Here's my take...get out now and no matter what no body can find or validate another guy ....you wait and find a guy and start to cheat ...well that shyt always gets out.

My point is get out now while you still have your honor.

You think the folks around town will give you shyt now....wait until you really start cheating!!!!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

What about some IC for him and then some MC for you both. If a man knows that his woman doesn't love him and probably doesn't respect him either, it is soul destroying and becomes a vicious cycle. Why are you staying in the marriage and what exactly do you want him to do? You say you want him to change, but you are no specific? I think you might have to look at your own role and expectations too?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lumberjack said:


> I feel like if he really loved me he would either change


How old are the two of you?
We could turn this around. If you really loved him, you would change. You would learn to accept him and love him.
YOu say that you don’t see him as very manly anymore. One example you give is that he does not initiate sex much. Well, do you blame him? You have most likely completely shattered his ego and hurt him beyond belief with tell him that you are miserable, don’t love him and don’t want sex with him.

When you cut off someone at the feet, you don’t get to then turn around and insult them because they are not reacting the way you think they should. We call treating someone like this emotional abuse.



lumberjack said:


> or just let me go


Why does he have to let you go? This is not how divorce works. It sounds like you want him to file for divorce so that he looks like the bad guy.

The way this works is that you file for divorce. If you file for a divorce, you will get it whether he wants the divorce or not. So file.

You need to file for both of you. You are miserable. I have no doubt that he’s miserable too. Make set him free. that way he can find a woman who can love him.


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