# Need advice



## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

I am 37, live in Texas and have been married for almost 8 years with 3 girls (7,4,1). My wife had an emotional affair for 3-4 weeks with a friend from highschool that lives in New York. The best I can dig up this is true that he lives in New York. I found out about the affair by complete accident by doing something in her e-mail account. I found 1 e-mail of a texting dialogue talking about amazing and sexy pictures my wife was sending him. Her sent, trash, inbox, etc. have all been cleared out and no record of anything. I checked our cell phone logs and she sent him about 2,000 text messages and over 200 picture messages over the 3-4 week period. Over the same time period she was also sending me pictures. They started off just her in sexy clothes and progressed to completed naked pictures. She has admitted to this and that they were the same pictures sent to me and more. She also admits they were inappropriate. I know that she sent the same ones to OM because they were sent at almost the same time. She sent him over 200 picture text messages and sent me about 25 over the same time. Who knows what other pictures where sent or what e-mails were sent.

After I found out, I demanded she stop talking to him immediately and we get in couseling. She did stop talking to him because they have not talked at all per the phone logs. She has told me she had an EA and that she agrees to stop talking with him, but it is not over. We have been in counseling and it goes good and bad sometimes. As anyone knows this is a emotional roller coaster. You get sad, then mad, then confused, then angry, then sad, etc.

I have told the counselor and my wife that I need everything to be open and honest. She has agreed, but little things keep happening. I found out that she blocked me from facebook, changed her e-mail password, has a lock on her cell phone and just wants her privacy. The major thing now is she bought a prepaid cell phone. I asked why she bought it and she said because I was tracking her (true). I asked why she needed a prepaid cell phone if she wasn't doing anything and had nothing to hide ... no response. My gut (which has been right almost everytime lately) tells me she is using this prepaid cell phone to talk with him. I have read that EA are usually worse than PA because it is in your mind and your feelings. I do not think you can just stop EA and feel like it is still going on. I am doing my snooping and have no evidence anything is going on, but my gut tells me something is.

Counselor said something has happened and she has gone off the deep end and said she will eventually come back. This is not the woman I married and is completely tearing my entire family apart. My parents and even her parents are completely pissed at her and have chewed her out left and right. Nothing and no one has changed what she wants.

I know that a divorce will be very hard for my little girls and will be bad for them in the long run. My wife has no education and could barely take care of her self much less having 3 kids. She is not making good decisions like smoking pot once. If she gets the kids who knows what she will expose them to and I will live the rest of my life helping fix my kids what she has messed up.

She has issues from growing up about her parents being way over the top protective and have crippled her. She can barely make decisions for her self. She has told me that she does not feel the same way about me anymore and does not want to be married. I still love her and want this to work for me and my kids.

Sorry if this is tough to follow, but so much has happened in a short amount of time and feel like I am just rambling. I have just in the last couple of days said I am done, but we live 4 hours from home and have no one to help or go to. We are still living in the same house and she has moved into 1 of our daughters rooms.

Do not know what to do? At this point I have financially protected myself the best I can and seems like things have settled down a little. Counselor told me if I do not know what to do, then the best thing to do is nothing. Guess I am just hoping for a miracle or maybe I am just an idot. HELP!


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

She has taken the affair underground. Others will be by shortly to give you steps to take to stop this. Cutting her off financially is a start.


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

I track her cell phone all day long and have recorders in the house. I have not heard or seen anything that would make me believe a PA is happening. An EA could still be going on, but I can't find the prepaid cell phone anywhere and if she talks on it, it must be outside. No only that, but she takes 2 daughters to 2 different schools and has a 1 year old with her all day long. I would think it is very difficult for anything to be happening.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well you can't nice her back and in your case you are going to have to be willing to end this marriage in order to save it. Cancel the phone you gave her pack up some of her stuff and send her to wherever but she isn't welcome in the home. Have her call her new boyfriend to send her a plane ticket. You have to show strength and resolve right now. Oh and the kids stay with you.


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

I have already said to leave the kids with me and go do whatever you want. She will not leave the kids.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You cannot do nothing---before you look around the 2 of them will set up a rendezvous in a hotel somewhere---and there you go---your ea goes pa

As to privacy---there is none once you take vows---you want privacy----you stay single-------you tell her you want access to everything--including her burner phone

In order to stop this you have to be harsh---you may need to threaten her with or put D on the table---she must know you are deadly serious

If she refuses to stop---then cut her off from any finances, and take away her CC's----if she can't pay for the burner phone it will be cut off--------make sure you tell her you want access to everything----stop worrying about the kids at this point----you need ---find out if you even have a mge


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

helpandadvice said:


> I have already said to leave the kids with me and go do whatever you want. She will not leave the kids.


Let her sleep on the couch then unless the kids really need it, cut off the internet at home. I on occasion use my phone as a hot spot do that if you have to.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Help you can't control her you can only control what you will put up with. her being a sahm you are going to pay and you know that. How much is your self respect worth?


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

I have read several of these other stories and this happens all the freakin time. I just do not understand. Just 1 month before this happened we all went to Disney World and had a great time. The best family vacation we have ever had. Then 1 month later she falls apart. WTF


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Find the OM, find his wife or gf and expose the affair to her.

How do I know there is a wife or gf? Because he would have already run to see her or her to him.

Put a key logger onto the computer to get her accounts and passwords.


Also stop wasting money on the counselor while she's continuing the affair, it's money down the drain at this point.


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

She has a password on her computer and would see a key logger. How can I get into her computer?


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

I have found him and he lives in NY and is single. I do know where his parents live.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to prevent it going PA.

Keep careful track of her goings on weekends - especially any private coupe of hours she needs to go to help a friend or visit her mom,

Do not agree to let her go see him. 

Put a GPS on her car to track her.

Oh, and find the power cord for the phone. It's useless if it can't be charged.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

helpandadvice said:


> I have read several of these other stories and this happens all the freakin time. I just do not understand. Just 1 month before this happened we all went to Disney World and had a great time. The best family vacation we have ever had. Then 1 month later she falls apart. WTF


Does she have any friends you can talk to to talk to her?Sisters, cousins? Start calling you need help with this one.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

helpandadvice said:


> She has a password on her computer and would see a key logger. How can I get into her computer?


Is it a desktop or a laptop?

For a desktop you can buy a key logger that plugs in between the keyboard and the pc.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

helpandadvice said:


> I have found him and he lives in NY and is single. I do know where his parents live.


How do you know he's single?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> How do you know he's single?


Use spokeo and find out more info on him.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If you have resources you can use a pi.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't trust anything your wife or Facebook tells you about him.

Get his home phone number and call during the daytime to see if you can get his wife.

You could also call his parents and ask for mrs.OM, use his first name.

Do not mention or even hint about doing it to your wife.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

helpandadvice said:


> I have told the counselor and my wife that I need everything to be open and honest. She has agreed, but little things keep happening. I found out that she blocked me from facebook, changed her e-mail password, has a lock on her cell phone and just wants her privacy. The major thing now is she bought a prepaid cell phone.


Well, she is certainly not keeping her part of the deal!

Those are not "little things".

They are dealbreakers. Until and unless she gives you complete access, there is nothing to fix.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You're goal right now is to break up the affair,

Drive off the OM. 

1. Post him on cheaterville.com and send the link to him and his parents.

2. Send a registered letter to his home address with a picture of your kids and a letter saying you are WWs husband and you want to know why he is trying to breakup these kids family.


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

At this point I have only involved my parents, my brother and her parents. Should I be calling her aunts, cousins, etc.?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'd leave family exposure to her parents and anyone that she'd be turn to for support so she can continue the affair,

Instead go after the OM, get him to dump her.


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