# Newbie here, finally facing idea of "D"



## andia (Apr 21, 2018)

Hi,

I have been married for 25 years and am finally facing the idea that my marriage maybe coming to an end. I have been avoiding this for about 10 years (since having kids) that this not a healthy marriage. We both do not want to it to end, but we just don't get along and we are now fighting a lot more now that we have 2 kids very challenging kids and I am afraid we are damaging them with the fighting and disconnect and anger we are showing to one another. 

There has been no infidelity, physical abuse, he doesn't work too many hours or anything, although my husband was a bit of a pot head when we met in college which means he was always patient and calm mellow guy, but now he is not a pot smoker he is a pretty impatient and has a temper . He is more strict as a parent and easily triggered by our kids, where I am a more patient and very different parenting style. We fight over how we parent and we argue a lot and I am so sick of it. We both are and we know it is hurting the kids and ourselves. We are also in the roommate mode most of the time as we find it's easier to keep distance and we both aren't getting our needs met physically. 

We both want to stay and have a lot invested in each other, and we both deep down love each other and "wish" we could get along, but we don't know how as we are such different people. We did try counselling a few years ago, but didn't feel like it was helping as we ended up venting about each other mostly, not getting to the 'work' of improving our marriage.

My husband is a good person, I do love him but when is it not enough and is better to leave than to stay? He travels for work, and when he goes, it is a nice break for both of us to get away from the arguing. We love our kids and we really don't want to break up our family, but its also not a healthy environment for them to hear all this arguing and fighting about everything. 

Can counselling help us at this point? We both really do want to save our marriage, but not sure how. I have read the books and tried to work on things, but i feel like I am so triggered by my husband (vice versa). 

I am sorry if this is a long post, but I am hoping that maybe someone has some insight as I feel I (we) am very ambivalent situation. I am not sure if anything can save us, but I am hoping that maybe we can figure out with good counselling, or is it just a waste of energy and we would be better off alone.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If you can find a GOOD MC that's all you can do at this point.

MC's can be a mixed bag. It's your $'s so if you don't connect find another.

These people aren't gods so take that into consideration


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yes counselling may well help you but you have to give it time and not just got for a few sessions. Give it a year at least, for the children's sake.


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## andia (Apr 21, 2018)

How do you find a good MC? I have been looking around and not sure how to go about it. Interview them? Any suggestions.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check online for reviews or maybe call some psychiatrists offices for recommendations.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Counselling is highly effective. There may be other underlying problems. He sounds angry. Does he have issues with it? Start with marriage counselling, and both of you sound like you need individual therapy. It has been known to heal more than a few marriages. I have been in therapy, and go for a checkup every few months.


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