# What should I do?



## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

I got married to my current wife in 2005. We met online in 2002. I was previously married and had 2 kids. I lied to her that I was unmarried as I did not know whether she would accept a previously married person with 2 kids, but later on I told her everything about my previous relationship and status and after she accepted my status, we both got married. At that time my kids were living with their grandparents & their mother. After getting married in 2005, my wife waited to consummate our marriage till 2008 as she had applied for immigration and did not want to jeopardise her status and I patiently waited till she got what she wanted.
After she got her passport, she came to me and then sponsored me. In the time from 2005 to 2008, I got involved with my kids heavily as I had no companionship from my spouse and their mother not caring much for them, all they had was me to look up to. When my wife came back after her new upgraded status, she sponsored me to come with her, but since I had become involved with my kids, I did not want to leave them or abandon them, so I avoided getting immigration and asked her to live with me as I was not interested much in immigration. After much squabbling, she agreed to live with me and from 2009 to 2014 we were together. My job was quite hectic and entailed domestic and international travel and my wife used to travel with me together although at times it was a hassle but I never said no as I loved her.
Incidentally her family who was in the same country as I was, also started living with me and from 2009 to 2013, they lived in my house and they only left after they got their immigration papers and had to leave.
After her family left, she insisted for me to move with her to her country and after much hesitation, I agreed. When I went to her country, I wanted to bring my kids with myself but she flatly refused that there was no provision for bringing my kids to her country. After much deliberations, I left her country and moved to another place where I could live with my kids. My wife also accompanied me to this new country. Much to my amazement, her stance here is also the same, that don't bring your kids with yourself. Given that she has no biological children from me or anyone, I am amazed at her selfishness at not being able to soften her heart for my kids. She has asked for me to decide between her & my kids...........I have loved her deeply but I am torn at leaving my kids.....can someone give me good advice as what to do?
My parents ask me to leave her and get married to someone who would accept my kids.......but she was my first love and I don't want to throw my life spent with her like that but she is not giving to reason and has demanded that either I divorce her or throw away my kids.
All this bickering is taking a very heavy toll on me emotionally and my work life has started suffering. I have taken very good care of her, she has had a luxurious life with me.......the best hotels, business class air-travel......I have never spared money from her and all the while she is unhappy. Due to sometimes my being away, I bring expensive gifts for her to compensate my not being able to give her companionship, but despite that she says she doesn't want my gifts, all she wants is my companionship........but I have to work to make ends meet. Whenever possible, I do take her along. I have no bad habits and she acknowledges, I don't drink, don't smoke, don't womanise.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You didn't say the age of your kids but bottom line, your children are your first priority. They need their dad to be involved in their lives.

If your kids are college aged or older then I could see moving on with your wife. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a spouse that didn't accept my kids as part of my life.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

Thanks for your reply. My son is aged 15 & daughter is 11. My wife knows they are at a vulnerable age but she says that my parents should raise them instead of me.....when I tell her she is being selfish, she tells me that I am the selfish one trying to rob her of her happiness. Despite having no children, her heart is not soft towards my kids although she loves her own nephews & nieces with all the love she can give. You are right, I should not be with a spouse who can't love my kids.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Sounds like you were used to acquire citizenship for her and her parents. They even move in, eat your food and you foot the bill. It amazes me how any man can accept that. 

You don't need anyone selfish like that in your life. You sound like a beta male who lets your wife control you. That shouldn't be the case. You have the good job and your wife needs you to maintain her lifestyle. Use that to your advantage and start taking control. Make it clear that you dictate the rules or else she gets the boot.

And not to be a racist or anything but I'll wager she's from the Philippines. I've seen the same exact thing happen to an acquaintance of mine.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your children should be your first priority right now.

Your wife knew you had children when she married you. She should have accepted them, loved them and helped you raise them. 

IF you stay with her, what do you think it will be like when your children are grown? She will not want them around. She will not want your grand children around.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

Thank you soccermom2three, Alpha & EleGirl for taking time out to help me:iagree:. I find my wife very possessive and the most insecure person in the whole world. She & her family lives in her own fantasy world where they are always right. And amazingly she wants me to be nice to her folks while she has deep down hatred for my parents, brother, uncles, cousins -everyone in my family. She wants me to disconnect in my family while keeping relations alive with her own folks and thinks that this will make our life good. But I just cannot. I cannot live without talking to my kids, parents or family members. We always have been very close. And they are integral part of my life. Loving/respecting them is my duty and obligation. I just cannot detach.
And Alpha, buddy, she is from Down under......although I believe not all women from Down under would be like her but then there are always exceptions to the rule. I am sometimes amazed that the time her folks spent with me, they used my house like their own, my vehicles, my chauffeurs, my maids, my hospitality..........they didn't have to spend a single penny except when maybe they wanted to shop around.....and in the end, the response from her entire family is soo pathetic.......
I bought her a house in Sydney and she told me that it was in both our names, and later when I found out, she had put only her name in that. When I asked her why, since she didn't put a dime in it she said that in case of any dispute, it would be split up equally and also since I wasn't a citizen so I was not eligible. Later on, I asked an Attorney, and he said she just gave you B.S!! So then I had to sell the house and what scenes she & her family created, only I and God know........but thank God it went through and I got my money back albeit some deductions which she said is her right as she saved me money in rent and the appreciation of the property......
I used to give her the latest phones, the latest toys & gizmos, any jewellery she used to wish for and nothing was less than 24k Gold and Diamonds..........but still she was unhappy, so I stopped giving............and now she wants me to start being normal. She stopped hugging & kissing and so did I, but now she wants that back. We used to have sex twice or thrice a day everyday but then my interest has dropped.........and now she says I don't love her anymore............which is in a way true as I have fallen out of love with her now.
She reads all my emails but her emails are secret. She deleted me from her Facebook account but wants to access my Facebook account, which I give, as I have nothing to hide!!!


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

She used to say that she could not conceive as I was impotent........I said, if I was impotent, how could I father 2 children earlier. When I told her maybe its because you are in your mid-forties and that is a pretty difficult age for some women to conceive, she would just literally blow her top!! We went to a Medical Doctor who checked us up and I was fine, while the Doctor told her given her age, she has little chances of being able to conceive, she stopped going to that particular Doctor!!


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Pkwanderer, I guessed incorrectly about the country but so what, your follow up post makes me cringe even more. Is she staying with you now in the Emirates?

You know what needs to be done. 

I don't know how it works with divorce where you are from, whether you will be liable to her in Australia or whether rules of your country apply, but at any rate, I believe you need to send your wife packing real soon.

A person of your stature should have no problem finding a partner who would treat you with respect.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

As others have said, kids come first. 
I am confused about your kids' ages. 
In your first post you wrote you met your current wife in 2002 and had your kids from a previous relationship. You later wrote your daughter is 11. Was she born after you met this woman?


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

@Maneo: I met her after my daughter was born. My first marriage was breaking down and she just stepped in, as I was on an online forum, and she was supportive online. But then one finds the reality only later. My daughter will be turning 12 this Sep. 
@ Alpha: And coincidentally my daughter and my current wife share the same date of birth. And if I have ever wanted to celebrate the day with my daughter, it was like a day of reckoning for me and she made me sooo feel so guilty of not being with her on her birthday, although I would be with her in the evening and the day with my daughter but she has competed with my kids for no reason at all!! 
And yes, she was staying with me in UAE. I took her to Houston in June to her mother as she said her mother is very ill but when I went there, she was very well in health. And the funny thing is, that despite telling me that her mother is very ill, she insisted on a Holiday in Istanbul enroute to Houston which I did not deny her, so hey presto, a 5 Star Holiday in Istanbul she got. And after lots of shopping in Houston, she chose not to come back with me as my kids were coming to my house to visit me and spend their summer holidays. And now since I am not sending my kids back, she tells me that she does not want to come back, so I have told her to not come back, as finally, my love for her has died its own death.
And divorce here is very easy, unlike Western Countries, and women only get financial support in case of having children, as otherwise they have to return to their own families in such situations, unless the woman has contributed to the house in any financial matter, as that is the Law here.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

And not to forget, that she wanted to do an Interior Designing Course, and took admissions in 2 different institutes and I paid for everything, as being my wife, she is my responsibility. But hopefully it will end soon now. She has always made me feel that it was she who did me a favour of marrying a previously married man with kids and she was the perfect cook, perfect homemaker, perfect housewife and her siblings & parents were the only perfect people in this world and all others were either liars, slobs or dishonest people!!
And she & her family would always repeat this ad-nauseum and if I ever said of whatever good I did to her or her family, it was like I was the worst person who would repeat after doing a good deed and thus this good deed ended up being wasted.
I recall now, that there is a custom here of giving the Bride, a dower, which is mandatory right of the bride, but has to be given only after the marriage ceremony has been performed by the priest and only after this dower is given, can the conjugal rights be performed. But she asked me to give her this dower 6 months before this ceremony was due to be performed, and I gave her this amount. And after the marriage ceremony was performed, she refused to give me my conjugal rights on the pretext that her mother wants her to wait till she gets her Aussie Citizenship!!! And I waited from 2005 to 2008 till she got her passport and only after she got her passport and coming 6 months after her getting the document did we consummate the marriage. When I mentioned that I performed all the rights that were due to me and I did not get my conjugal right which was due to me despite taking care of all her needs, she just exploded that you are showing that you did an act of goodness on me and has always held me guilty of repeating that which I believed was my due right.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So do your children a favor and get that divorce ASAP.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

@ EleGirl: Thanks for the advice. Yes, I will be proceeding with divorce in this week. Finally I will be free from the massive headache that has given me restless nights and a decade of unhappiness....


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Glad to hear getting a divorce won't set you back. Cut her off but don't crumble to her charm when she starts trying to seduce you back. You know her true colors.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

@ Alpha: Thanks for the advice buddy....I think you know me well!! And she has asked me to revoke the Aussie Citizenship which she sponsored me, so should I?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

You're torn between her and your kids, and you want advice as to what you should do:



Pkwanderer said:


> She has asked for me to decide between her & my kids...........I have loved her deeply but I am torn at leaving my kids.....can someone give me good advice as what to do?


Yet here you post that you will be proceeding with divorce this week:



Pkwanderer said:


> @ EleGirl: Thanks for the advice. Yes, I will be proceeding with divorce in this week. Finally I will be free from the massive headache that has given me restless nights and a decade of unhappiness....


So what sort of advice do you want?


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

@ Lenzi: To decide between keeping her or my kids....but now I have decided.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Pkwanderer said:


> @ Alpha: Thanks for the advice buddy....I think you know me well!! And she has asked me to revoke the Aussie Citizenship which she sponsored me, so should I?


She asking you to revoke that Aus citizenship means you probably already dropped the bomb on her. Good for you.

It's also up to you whether you want to keep that citizenship or not. She can't take that away from you now. Personally though, I don't see any real advantage of having an Aus citizenship unless you come from a third world country and need to rebuild a life. Its also one of the bloodiest expensive places in the world to live. Heck, I found Dubai, with all of its advertised grandeur, to be much cheaper than Sydney!

Aus is a nice place though. Spent over a week in Sydney just a month ago, plenty of "hot" women over there. Easy pickings for a single man with disposable cash. Just don't marry and live in Aus unless you want to see half your wealth taken away from you!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

your case seems like clear cut: divorce and run as far as you can. and at this point your citizenship is none of her concerns.


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

Alpha said:


> She asking you to revoke that Aus citizenship means you probably already dropped the bomb on her. Good for you.
> 
> It's also up to you whether you want to keep that citizenship or not. She can't take that away from you now. Personally though, I don't see any real advantage of having an Aus citizenship unless you come from a third world country and need to rebuild a life. Its also one of the bloodiest expensive places in the world to live. Heck, I found Dubai, with all of its advertised grandeur, to be much cheaper than Sydney!
> 
> ...


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## Pkwanderer (Aug 3, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> your case seems like clear cut: divorce and run as far as you can. and at this point your citizenship is none of her concerns.


@ WandaJ: You are right Wanda, my citizenship is none of her concern, but some people can be petty!!


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