# Feeling Worthless B/C I am Penniless



## crystaaal (Oct 22, 2011)

Here is my problem. I have been a real estate agent for two years. My business has only been paying for itself. No real profit. Just affording for me to live pay check to pay check. 

In May of 2010 my boy friend and I moved in with each other. The deal was/is he pays for the mortgage, strata, and groceries while I cover the bills. Last November I become pregnant. This pregnancy was planned and last August I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. 

As business owner I do not receive any maternity leave benefits. My issue is now finance is resentful that I have no money saved and that he has to provide for me and our child. 


I would love to work but again my baby is less then 90 days old how fast does he want me back to work? But in that meantime while I am not working / making sales i am incurring office fees that will need to paid out once I do make sales. 
I feel although i may not pull my weight financially i do pull it in the home. I do the cooking and the laundry,along w/ taking care of our child and all with a smile. 

I have read other posts and it seems like if it was the man with the failing business the advice to the women is to leave the man. I don't know what to do.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm a little curious what he thought was going to happen once you had a baby. If it was planned I dont see how he wasnt aware that you would have to take time off from your work, and lose money in the process. 90 days is a lot longer then most working women get off for a baby, though. A girl at my work is getting 60 days off which is pretty standard. In any case your baby will have to go to daycare which will cost a lot. It just doesnt seem like you guys really thought this out before having baby.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Being unprepared financially to have a child is pretty common among new parents. But you haven't really said if HIS income alone is actually enough to cover all the expenses? 

I can't get behind the idea of a woman leaving her husband because his business fails - maybe other posters have indeed recommended that, but I certainly wouldn't. The standard vows about "for richer or poorer" mean exactly this: you don't walk away for financial reasons.

If you guys planned this pregnancy, then I presume you planned how you would pay for it. Maybe he just needs to be reminded that this is a temporary situation, and you are planning to return to work when the baby is old enough for daycare. Then I would think very, very hard about agreeing to have a second child with him!

As far as your line or work, perhaps there are other areas you could work in that might be more profitable? You will probably find daycare expenses to be so expensive that your going back to work at a break-even job ends up working against you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He has no grounds for feeling resentful. The pregnancy was planned, which indicates he chose the path he now walks. Either he knew you lacked maternity benefits or he failed to inquire. Either way, he's an adult and responsible for his decisions. There is no victim here. When we choose to make a baby, we don't know if our partner will consistently be employed or even be alive for the next 18 years. Each parent assumes the responsibility of providing for the child with or without a partner's assistance. He needs to grow up, own up, man up, suck it up, and do what has to be done. 
Wish you had seen his selfish streak before you agreed to create a baby with this clown. Your dude is a citizen of the world and the world can frequently be a surprising and unpleasant place. Sitting around looking for someone to blame isn't nearly as helpful as getting off one's dead wazoo and taking care of business. Located somewhere between his legs should be a pair of testicles. He needs to find them and handle his responsibilities like a man.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

"Looking for someone to blame isn't nearly as helpful as getting off one's dead wazoo and taking care of business. Located somewhere between his legs should be a pair of testicles. He needs to find them and handle his responsibilities like a man."


Agreed. You contribute. How much is childcare? How much is a housekeeper? Somebody needs a reality check and it's not you.

Best,

Lyn


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Your husband is just panicky being a new dad. He must understand the real estate business is in the crapper right now. You moved in with him because you could not afford to be on your own.

Sit down with him and let him know you love him and your happy to be with him. Let him know that you will get a part time job on the week ends to help out financially.

I would not suggest investing a lot of time in the the real estate business at this time. Focus on working part time and bringing home a couple bucks every week. The last thing you need is to spend a week end at a real estate office and end up with nothing at the end of the month.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> *He has no grounds for feeling resentful. The pregnancy was planned, which indicates he chose the path he now walks. *Either he knew you lacked maternity benefits or he failed to inquire. Either way, he's an adult and responsible for his decisions. There is no victim here. When we choose to make a baby, we don't know if our partner will consistently be employed or even be alive for the next 18 years. Each parent assumes the responsibility of providing for the child with or without a partner's assistance. He needs to grow up, own up, man up, suck it up, and do what has to be done.
> *Wish you had seen his selfish streak before you agreed to create a baby with this clown*. Your dude is a citizen of the world and the world can frequently be a surprising and unpleasant place. Sitting around looking for someone to blame isn't nearly as helpful as getting off one's dead wazoo and taking care of business. Located somewhere between his legs should be a pair of testicles. He needs to find them and handle his responsibilities like a man.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

My best friend had a baby with a man that refuses to work. Now they live with her mother. She was supporting him financially before the baby.  Hello red flag!


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## katy929 (Oct 27, 2011)

Congrats on the baby! But, I can not help thinking why does he not have any money saved up? And what did he think you were going to pop out the baby and then go sell a house afterwards?


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

omega said:


> Being unprepared financially to have a child is pretty common among new parents.


*giggles* I did this *FIVE* times. Actually, we did that five times. We always manage to survive though, somehow.

As a good girlfriend of mine says about kids, family and finances "it all comes out in the wash"...meaning if you keep working at it, it all works out.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

crystaaal said:


> Here is my problem. I have been a real estate agent for two years. My business has only been paying for itself. No real profit. Just affording for me to live pay check to pay check.
> 
> In May of 2010 my boy friend and I moved in with each other. The deal was/is he pays for the mortgage, strata, and groceries while I cover the bills. Last November I become pregnant. This pregnancy was planned and last August I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
> 
> ...



Not to be a jerk here, but if you wanted to be parents and are now having finacial issues? although I certainly wont say we enjoyed it,when my wife and I were in the baby years. I worked all day while she was home, she worked part time nights as a waitress while I took care of the kids?

We do what we have to do?????


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