# Is my wife suffering from post-natal psychosis?



## MadeMiserable (Jun 14, 2013)

The wife and I married about 18 months ago. Wife moved from her country to the uk to be with me, she got pregnant, always wanting a child, as i did too. I moved house on her request, at a time we could not really afford to do so, but i wanted her to be happy, so i struggled to make it a reality.We had a beautifull baby last month, and since the babys birth the wife has been on one. shes never satisfied with anything i do, and always looking and starting an argument. Examples, shes annoyed if i sleep at night while she has had to be awake looking after the baby. Ill wash dishes,clean kitchen,clean whole house, go shopping, cook food, pay all the bills,home rent, buy everything and more for baby and her, with nothing left for myself, not even a pair of shoes, (walking around in shoes with soles falling off) while i have to buy her dozens of shoes, bags, clothes, flowers, chocolates, expensive perfume, meals, drinks,pay for her entertainment.ect.ect.ect She do get a small amount of money from renting her previous appartment, which she spends entirly on her hobby. an argument will start like today where i had documents to fill in, immediatly she got the hump because i said i cant take care of the baby atm because these were important or we would be homeless. I had to then go out to submit the documents and pay our housing rent, then go shopping for food. upon returning, i sat down and immediatly she started "im hungry and want dinner" i said "well ive been busy, why dont you finish that food you started to cook yesterday" I then added "you started it yesterday and then left it so you could go on facebook with your friends" her reply was "well you take 3 hours to cook" i returned it with "ive not spent that time cooking since before babys birth,if i did not cook yesterday after you said you would cook, we would not have eaten anything" Ivs still not had breakfast or anything at all to eat by this time and it was then (today) 17:00 just then she spurted "i dont bring up things from half a day ago, so why do you" fighting to get a word in i replied "so whats with me spending 3 hours cooking then for a month ago"...We have very little money now, im the sole provider for her and our baby, a few days ago she asked me why ive not bought her things like i used to...????

Im loosing my mind with this woman,,,, is this post natal pshchosis she is suffering with? oh annother thing we almost had our baby taken into care "said the midwife" because of babys high weight loss due to fact wife refused me from getting formular as she could/cant produce enough breastmilk" we had a fight about this, but i had to get midwife to help convince her to allow me to buy baby formular.

This is not the woman she was a month ago and most certinly not the woman i fell in love with.

I still love her deeply, but im really worn down by this.

Can anyone please advise, im at my wits end not knowing how or what to do.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Welcome to the crazy world of having a new baby - so congratulations are in order... :smthumbup:

You have gone from in love to newlyweds to her moving away from home in another country, to moving homes to having a baby to this situation all in 18 months? Wow! I have to say - that is a tall order for anyone. It is, simultaneously the most difficult as well as the bst time of you lives I believe. You both are operating on little sleep, added stress, lack of sleep, financial challenges, lack of sleep, lack of sex, little sleep... know what I mean?

Let me ask you something - forget the buying her stuff thing and everything else you do out and about like... you know... earn a living nd everything. She, I can guarantee you - is feeling overwhelmed with this baby. Have you, for example - taken that baby - all to yourself for a couple hours and tell her to go ahead and take a nap?

You guys have taken on quite a few life changes in the past couple years.. it may take some time to find your footing again. Now is the time for both of you to be particularly careful with words.. to pay attention to the others needs - and that means continuing to talk about things. 'how is it going'? "honey, what can I do for you..I want to help". Spend extra time around the house when possible. It also means you can say "Could you..?" or "I need..." because lets face it we all have our limits. The important part is that you keep the communication going so that you dont GET to the breaking point but can diffuse situations sooner.

You say you are worn down. I can bet you both are. I bet if you both talk more about how you are both worn down but verbally express your desire to get through all of it together - you both may feel a bit better.

random babling...


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Why are you forced to buy gifts for her? 

She doesn't sound psychotic but depressed, possibly sleep deprived. Her whole life has turned upside down. 
The first month is just so difficult. I think a lot of women are so tired, hormonal, don't know what to do with the baby or of they are doing it right (formula struggle), have to get used to a body that is sagging and has stretch marks. 

Having said that, I do think she is acting like a spoiled brat. She sounds like she was spoiled before the baby was born and she can't cope with the focus of her life being a baby. 

I would say hang in there for a month. A lot of women feel nuts the first few months. If it keeps up after that then you need to address her demands and set up a schedule of who does what chores when. And you will need to stand up for yourself too. 

How many hours in a row is she sleeping? If its less than five then yes she is going to be mentally not right.


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## MadeMiserable (Jun 14, 2013)

Thanks for both your replies and advice, much appreciated, and sounds like your talking from experience?

In the beginning i was taking more care of the baby,taking him for serveral hours while she slept,feed,burp,nappie & clothes changes and all that And a lot of cuddling; but last 2 weeks ive had a lot of non baby dutys to attend, so have not spent as much time with baby. I still do feed him ect daily.

Wife is not getting enough sleep, only an hour or 2 here and there, and definetly not getting more than 3 hours uninterupted sleep.
I used to stay awake untill 4-5am sometimes with him, but wife did not like me cuddling with him on sofa, in case i fall asleep, ev en though she knows ive driven for 40 hours with only few miniutes break every 8 or more hours, so i would not risk smothering our beautifull wonderfull amazing baby boy.
Still if it makes her feel better, ill let her do it her way, even though she sleeps with baby on a pillow in bed, and the crib remains unused.

Ive taken baby several times so she could get some rest, but when i go upstairs to see how she is, shes chating with friends on facebook very often, spending more time there than talking or being with me. As long as she was happ, i thaught. To me is seems no matter what i do or allow her to do, shes still not satisfied.
And ill go get her chocolates and flowers, or a good meal, either take away or prepared and cooked by myself with the best ingredients you can get, which she is amazed by my cooking skills 

Maybe I have spoiled her, yes i did; getting everything she ever wanted and doing everything she asked and did not ask.

Im always asking can i do anything for you, is there anything you need me to do, but if i ask her to even pass me a pen thats right next to her she will say "im tired, get it yourself, while typing at facebook or totally ignore me" before the facebook adiction there was playing online games that she was adicted to even getting up at 3,4,5 am to partake of multiplayer events. It was only when i said if she did not quit the game, our relationship was over that she did, but that was about 2 months before baby was born.

So i dont know what more i can do, which is why i came here for help.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Post-natal depression often stems from a diminishment of nutrients, because women's bodies prioritize the baby and that depletes the mother of essential stuff. Get a good quality multivitamin and see how she goes after a few weeks. Get some advice in choosing a good one (naturopaths are better than doctors for this).


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes I'm speaking from experience. 
You need to get the book No More Mister Nice Guy, first of all. 
Yes I'm speaking from experience. My daughter wouldn't sleep for more than three hours in a row for a whole and I felt insane. 
My ex refused to help at all.

You are doing too much for her. She doesn't respect you, which is clear from how she acted before this. 

Were you raised by a single mom? 

Most women don't respect men who give too much and put up with too much. 

Once you get to the point where you are only getting an hour or two at a time it changes your brain. Remember this is a form of torture that works. It is not to be taken lightly. 

Irritable doesn't begin to describe it. 

Two issues: that kid should be sleeping more, and you need to man up. 

And sleep dep can start turn into a psychosis like state. 

If baby is getting formula he/she should be sleeping for a long time. I would take baby to care giver and find out what is wrong.

Also keep in mind that when you get below five hours regularly your brain can't get through the full REM cycle. Eventually it literally becomes incredibly difficult to sleep. You feel like you want to die from being tired but you have insomnia. It's miserable. 

So get that baby sleeping and get that book.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Here we go. Again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Congrats on the new baby. Sleep deprivation absolutely can make a person totally nuts! Combine sleep deprivation with the hormonal surge, and the guilt she must feel about not being able to produce enough milk... Yikes!

Your wife needs a wake up call. I'd go so far as to tell her you're taking the baby out for a few hours, and you're also disconnecting Internet because the purpose is for her to SLEEP. Put your foot down!

Sometimes people complain too much because they don't get the empathy they need, so they feel unheard and repeat the complaint. Every time she complains, give her the proverbial pat on the hand, rub the back, murmuring reassurances that once she starts sleeping better these things won't feel so awful.

Do not allow her to complain on and on. Tell her she's reached her complaint quota and although you won't hear anymore complaints you'll be happy to tuck her in her bed and keep the baby quiet while she naps.

As anotherguy said, she it totally overwhelmed and feels like she can't get anything right, can't get her body to feel right, can't get it to sleep, can't get it to fully awaken...

Now is when you have to blend being her husband with being her partner who is willing to risk her anger to force her to do what's best for her, like SLEEP!

Get rid of the damn Internet for a week!


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

I remember the first month after the birth of my daughter.

I was the one up all night with the baby. I was the one who changed all the diapers. I was the one who fed her (she didn't take to the nipple), and I was the one who did her laundry, and everything else.

My wife? Oh she complained a lot about being so worn out and stressed from all the work. I guess "work" was the subtle art of complaining incessantly at the very person who is really the one who should be complaining. But yeah, she still to this day talks about how hard it was for her and taking all the praise, while it was really yours truly who did it all. Yeah, I did the dishes too.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Here is a link to the Mayo Clinic's page on post-partum depression and psychosis: Postpartum depression: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com

I'm sorry you're going through this. Has your wife always had an element of being spoiled or entitled to her personality? Like, if Kim Kardashian's husband was here posting this, I'd tell him sounds like she's back to her old self! But if my sister's husband said it, I'd know something was seriously wrong with my sister. So I'm not going to wager a guess as to what's going on with your wife, and I think her usual pre-baby behavior is important. It does sound like she's accustomed to you buying things for her, so I'm leaning towards this being more normal than abnormal for her. 

You can't be doing all this work. Do you think she's bonded with the baby yet?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Get rid of the damn Internet for a week!


:iagree:


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