# Hello~New here and looking for advice



## mlyn627 (Feb 8, 2016)

I found this site after googling "my husband doesn't love me anymore" So that gives you an idea of where I'm at right now.
We have been married for 23 years. We got married very young and have 3 kids 22,19 and 17. We have gone through a lot. We have both been unfaithful, a very very long time ago.

Here we are now and I feel like a his room mate. I have tried so hard to do things to help our marriage, but it's just me alone trying to save it. He has no interest in doing anything together, if we do something it ends in a fight because he's so pissed off about having to drive somewhere. He doesn't take me anywhere without me begging, he doesn't want sex anymore( he used to want it all the time) We went to counselling and after 3 times he started getting annoyed that we had to go and asked me what did I expect to get out of it? He acted like because we weren't fighting that everything was fixed. He lies about everything...dumb things like washing the dog bowls or working out... He is not cheating on me, because he works with my son and when he isn't at work he is either in the garage or watching tv. I feel so unloved and ignored and he doesn't think anything is wrong. If I try and talk to him about it, he makes me feel crazy! I just don't know how much longer I can take it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

People don't get to the roommate situation overnight. It builds up gradually.

I'm not saying this is your situation but my situation was that I tried for years to straighten out the marriage. Counseling, wanting an intimate relationship with my wife, you name it. She was happy with the way things were. So, I resigned myself that was the way it was going to be.

BUT... that included no non-sexual intimacy, no hand-holding or cuddling, no day trips to her favorite places. Basically I was doing the 180. All of a sudden SHE wants to get things on track.

I had built up so much resentment that I honestly felt it would never turn around and it took months to make it happen.

It may be that you have just come to the realization that, after raising the three kids, etc... that now you're ready for putting the marriage back together only to find out he's already checked out.

Try to get back to counseling, or go alone and let him know that you are going to show you are serious about fixing this.


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## mlyn627 (Feb 8, 2016)

I am doing online counseling, however, I am afraid to tell him...one of two things will happen. He will freak out and think I'm doing it so I can leave him, or he just won't care and say something like "cool". I'm betting on the first one and I don't know if I'm prepared to deal with it.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

mlyn627 said:


> I am doing online counseling, however, I am afraid to tell him...one of two things will happen. He will freak out and think I'm doing it so I can leave him, or he just won't care and say something like "cool". I'm betting on the first one and I don't know if I'm prepared to deal with it.


The first problem is that you are not confident enough to tell him the truth. You are trying to fight the marriage and afraid to let him know? I am not saying you will get what you want, but you are only hurting yourself by being oppressed. In *many* cases, one spouse leads the way, but in time the other comes along for the ride. The worst thing you can do is make him join the effort. He has to want to. This all will help you, whether or not he decides to fight for the marriage.

The reason you are hurting is because you are a fountain of love and have nowhere to spill. You are bottled up and need that human connection (a physiological need of humans).

1. Tell him what you are doing and tell him your intentions.
2. Tell him what you want.
3. Let him come with you if he decides to. No expectations, only invitations.

Good Luck.


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