# "You don't get it" ... am I nuts?



## withatwist (Sep 6, 2016)

Trying to figure this one out ... but could use some help.

We've been married over a decade and have two awesome kids. But she's been unhappy lately, and stressed. Two items keep coming up:

1. Our anniversary is soon, and she'a always wanted to attend this annual event, but tickets are expensive so I haven't been able to buy them. When our anniversary comes around and she doesn't get tickets, she gets pissed. Same thing this year. I don't get it. I can't imagine telling her "I want THIS for our anniversary" ... then getting pissed when she doesn't follow through. That feels really odd to me.

Additionally, she frames it as "we can spend a day away from the kids" ... which is true. But on this go-around, after she was pissed about not going to this event, she turned around and said we should cancel an upcoming business trip that she's joining me on. She's joining me so we can have "away-time." If it's really about spending time as a couple, why would she try to cancel the trip that we'll truly get away ... for several days.

Am I nuts? I don't get it.

2. She has a friend who has a husband with apparently endless supplies of money, and has taken his wife and their family on tons of expensive vacations and buys her jewelry that I could never afford. 

A few times a week, she brings up how lucky this girl is and that she's living every girl's dream. In her mind, she's telling me "be more like this guy, look at what he does for his family!" but in my mind, I hear "I need you to buy me expensive stuff to be happy, why aren't you buying me expensive stuff!"

She said it's the thoughtfulness of her friend's husband that she envy's, but everything she brings up to me is an expensive gift or vacation her friend received.

I finally got frustrated and told her "If that's the kind of life you want, maybe you can't get it with me!" She interpreted that differently, and told our daughter "Dad says if we don't do things his way, we're getting a divorce" (???)

Am I nuts?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Could you save up for the tickets for next year if you start now?


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## withatwist (Sep 6, 2016)

Definitely. That's part of her argument, as that she mentioned this event 6 months ago, and she's angry I didn't start saving up back then.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

withatwist said:


> Trying to figure this one out ... but could use some help.
> 
> We've been married over a decade and have two awesome kids. But she's been unhappy lately, and stressed. Two items keep coming up:
> 
> ...



You married a princess. And the bolded part is blatant manipulation, trying to use your daughter against you. Not cool.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

withatwist said:


> *She said it's the thoughtfulness of her friend's husband that she envy's*, but everything she brings up to me is an expensive gift or vacation her friend received.


Money ≠ thoughtfulness. Most husbands that throw a ton of money at their wives do so because they do not have time to be thoughtful, then these wives brag about it as if they struggle to find a way to validate that their husbands actually love them as if just spending money is super thoughtful. 

So if you have time to do something "thoughtful" for your wife, you may just find that giving gifts that money can't buy is what women really want!

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

How expensive are the tickets? 
She did give you six months time to get them. 
Why didn't you get them? 

I don't think she wants jewels & fancy vacations but maybe a more thoughtful husband? 
You don't need millions to buy your wife flowers or a reasonable priced piece of jewellery. 
When was the last time you did that? 

Bringing your daughter into it was nasty though, I'm having a hard time understanding why she'd do that?! 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Two things come to mind. Her going with you on a business trip may not provide much "together time" since you'll be working, supposedly, and perhaps tired at the end of the day. If you can save during the year for this trip, why don't you? And the money saved by her not going on your business trip can be part of that savings. It seems that you don't want to go to this annual event, and are making poor excuses, while at the same time she is trying to guilt or shame you into doing it since you haven't even tried.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

withatwist said:


> Definitely. That's part of her argument, as that she mentioned this event 6 months ago, and she's angry I didn't start saving up back then.


You should have.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

withatwist said:


> 1. Our anniversary is soon, and she'a always wanted to attend this annual event, but tickets are expensive so I haven't been able to buy them. When our anniversary comes around and she doesn't get tickets, she gets pissed. Same thing this year. I don't get it. I can't imagine telling her "I want THIS for our anniversary" ... then getting pissed when she doesn't follow through. That feels really odd to me.
> 
> Additionally, she frames it as "we can spend a day away from the kids" ... which is true. But on this go-around, after she was pissed about not going to this event, she turned around and said we should cancel an upcoming business trip that she's joining me on. She's joining me so we can have "away-time." If it's really about spending time as a couple, why would she try to cancel the trip that we'll truly get away ... for several days.
> 
> Am I nuts? I don't get it.


How much time on that business trip would you be spending working vs spending with her? Maybe she does not see it as chance to spend all that much time together if you will be working on your business trip.

If you could afford to take her on that business trip, why couldn’t you put that money towards the annual event that she wants to do on your anniversary?

She was wrong to put your daughter in the middle of this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

withatwist said:


> 1. Our anniversary is soon, and she'a always wanted to attend this annual event, but tickets are expensive so I haven't been able to buy them. When our anniversary comes around and she doesn't get tickets, she gets pissed. Same thing this year. I don't get it. I can't imagine telling her "I want THIS for our anniversary" ... then getting pissed when she doesn't follow through. That feels really odd to me.


A lot of people, men and women, will tell their spouse what they want. The idea is why not get them something that they really want? 

What did you plan for your anniversary?

Can’t your wife just guy the tickets herself? Does she have access to money? Or do you control the money in your household?

Does your wife work outside the home?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

withatwist said:


> She interpreted that differently, and told our daughter "Dad says if we don't do things his way, we're getting a divorce" (???)


How old is your daughter? I would never say anything like this to my child.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

How about this. Buy the damn tickets, there's got to be a way you can swing them, don't wait for your next anniversary. Be more thoughtful, buy her a few gifts over the next couple months.

Why cater to the princess you ask? Because you need to figure something out, that something is if she loves you or if she loves herself. If you do these things for her and she still isn't happy with you than the issue isn't about stuff it's about her being unhappy with her life in general. You become the scapegoat because YOU are suppose to make her happy. (her thinking, not mine)

If she still is unhappy then you are in deep do do, you may never be able to make her happy, she's always going to be looking for greener pastures. She could already be planning an exit, she's just trying to justify things be convincing herself you are a terrible husband.

Lastly for her to drag your daughter into this is just shameful, she is trying to find allies in making you look bad.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> Money ≠ thoughtfulness. Most husbands that throw a ton of money at their wives do so because they do not have time to be thoughtful, then these wives brag about it as if they struggle to find a way to validate that their husbands actually love them as if just spending money is super thoughtful.
> 
> So if you have time to do something "thoughtful" for your wife, you may just find that giving gifts that money can't buy is what women really want!
> 
> ...


Great answer...thoughfullness can't be bought


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Could you save up for the tickets for next year if you start now?


That's not the point, letting her have her way and getting the tickets if they are out of reach of his budget is not the way to solve this. Little princess girl is going to have to learn to live within her means.


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## phitigirl (Aug 11, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Great answer...thoughfullness can't be bought


No, it definitely can't. But it does sound a bit like her love language is receiving gifts. So if it is reasonable for the OP, buying her trinkets might improve their situation.

And as I am one of those people who prefer not to have my husband guessing about a gift that I would like, I would also tell him that I wanted to go to the event for an anniversary gift.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This is the very same thing I have to put up with and I'm sick of it to. My wife's cousin is married to a multi millionaire and she's constantly asking why we can't spend like they do and gets pissed off when we don't. Isn't the definition of insanity expecting something different to happen when the circumstances never change? She should have married someone rich, not me. 

I also get the I made the decision to ______ when I never said such thing and she tells not only the kids neighbors and family that we have to live by whatever decision I make when that is totally not true. 

Is there any hope for guys like the OP and me?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

What would both of you have to give up in order to afford the tickets?


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Sounds to me like both of you can't communicate. You get defensive or avoidant when she asks for what she wants. Now, if you really can't afford what she's asking for, then have a conversation about what you can afford. If you can afford it and just need to do a bit of saving, then do that.

She stated directly what she wanted. When that failed 2 years in a row, she moved to "this friend of mine has it great" because you weren't liking/responding to her direct request. She will only get more indirect and resentful if you can't address these things directly. It's up to you to right this ship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

uhtred said:


> What would both of you have to give up in order to afford the tickets?


The tickets really aren't the issue here, if sacrifices are made to get the tickets, something else will be right behind it that will be even more expensive that she will want.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Both of you are kinda dumb....okay, lemme rephrase that. The complication of the marital union is two-sided. She's an entitled little princess that is envious of her friend that is living the life she wants (I have a problem with being rude sometimes. I would have retorted, "Go be his concubine, then maybe he'll take you along for the ride!" but don't do that!) On the other hand you should have saved up if you knew that trip was something she really wanted. You are kind of thoughtless tbh.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

*Re: &quot;You don't get it&quot; ... am I nuts?*

OP, I'm in agreement with the others who think you dropped the ball on this one. You had plenty of time (24 months) to save up for whatever gift it was she wanted. 

Can you pull money out of the hobbies or recreations budget to cover the cost? 

If not, could you start saving now for next year? 

Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> The tickets really aren't the issue here, if sacrifices are made to get the tickets, something else will be right behind it that will be even more expensive that she will want.


 Do you personally know the OP'S wife? Otherwise, you're projecting your situation onto the OP. 

Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeah, I think labeling her a princess is unfair based on what you've posted.

She's not demanding all kinds of stuff, she has one event that's really important to her.

I agree that you don't want to go, and frankly it was a bit of a d!ck move to tell her that maybe she should be with someone else. And it was unfair for her to use your daughter. 

If it was something you couldn't afford under any circumstances that's one thing. But you could've saved for it and you didn't.....that's what she means by thoughtful.

You've told her she isn't important enough to save for a few months for a one time event.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EunuchMonk said:


> Both of you are kinda dumb....okay, lemme rephrase that. The complication of the marital union is two-sided. She's an entitled little princess that is envious of her friend that is living the life she wants (I have a problem with being rude sometimes. I would have retorted, "Go be his concubine, then maybe he'll take you along for the ride!" but don't do that!) On the other hand you should have saved up if you knew that trip was something she really wanted. You are kind of thoughtless tbh.


Wanting one particular event makes her an entitled little princess?

Does that mean ever guy who badly wants to see the super bowl once, if it involves some saving, is an entitled little prince?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Lila said:


> Do you personally know the OP'S wife? Otherwise, you're projecting your situation onto the OP.
> 
> Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


He knows all women are his wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> Wanting one particular event makes her an entitled little princess?
> 
> Does that mean ever guy who badly wants to see the super bowl once, if it involves some saving, is an entitled little prince?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. This does



> *A few times a week, she brings up how lucky this girl is and that she's living every girl's dream.* In her mind, she's telling me "be more like this guy, look at what he does for his family!" but in my mind, I hear "I need you to buy me expensive stuff to be happy, why aren't you buying me expensive stuff!"


and this



> She said it's the thoughtfulness of her friend's husband that she envy's, but everything she brings up to me is an expensive gift or vacation her friend received.


And yes, if the man throws a fit for the super-bowl thing when there isn't much money, and makes it constant point of contention even involving the children, then yes, he is entitled.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Wanting one particular event makes her an entitled little princess?
> 
> Does that mean ever guy who badly wants to see the super bowl once, if it involves some saving, is an entitled little prince?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


wanting to attend an event once certainly doesn't make her sound like a spoiled princess.

this on the other hand....takes it to an entirely different level:



> A few times a week, she brings up how lucky this girl is and that she's living every girl's dream. In her mind, she's telling me "be more like this guy, look at what he does for his family!" but in my mind, I hear "I need you to buy me expensive stuff to be happy, why aren't you buying me expensive stuff!"


yeah i would have a real problem with my spouse complaining to me how much better her friends have it. this is just typical keep up with the jones stuff that is very toxic to a marriage.

using the child for a more dramatic effect shows the mentality of his spouse.
OP you have a ROUGH road ahead of you.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

withatwist said:


> Am I nuts?


No, your wife is selfish and shallow.

Maybe you should tell her to stop comparing herself to other people and be happy for what she DOES have.

More power to you. I couldn't be with someone like that and I have dumped women in the past for having that mentality. 

They will NEVER be happy as long as they only determine their self worth in monetary value. Simply because there's always someone richer.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EunuchMonk said:


> No. This does
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ok. But he's said it's something he could save for and hasn't bothered, knowing it's important to her.

He hasn't mentioned anything else in particular she's demanded,he assumes she wants expensive stuff and digs his heels in. But he can't know that because he's made zero effort.

If he saves some money and gets her tickets that is very thoughtful and her reaction well tell him a lot. Either she'll be grateful or she won't, and she'll either demand more expensive stuff or she won't. 

But he can't know that because he's digging his heels in over something he knows is important to her. That's not very thoughtful.

If my hb really wanted to see an expensive event you can bet I'd save for the year and we'd go for his birthday or our anniversary, if it was at all possible. That's what thoughtful spouses do for each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> He knows all women are his wife.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No just ones that act like she does. Just trying to give the OP a little support. I know what this feels like, you obviously don't.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ok. But he's said it's something he could save for and hasn't bothered, knowing it's important to her.
> 
> He hasn't mentioned anything else in particular she's demanded,he assumes she wants expensive stuff and digs his heels in. But he can't know that because he's made zero effort.
> 
> ...


while the focus of the OP's post has been around this one particular event.....i highly doubt that is the root issue. its just the symptom right now.

I have waited for to do some things for 10+ years to be able to do them when i could afford it, or maybe step up to that shiny new car that i previously couldn't afford.

BTW would love to know if this woman works and contributes to the finances.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It depends. Does she have a pattern of wanting all sorts of difficult / unreasonable things, and getting upset when she doesn't get them, or is this particular even really important to her?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Here's my take, for what it's worth. 

I agree, she's spoiled. Or, she wishes she was. Some women truly want to be kept and provided for. It doesn't make her wrong for wanting it, but maybe it makes her wrong for you.

She's punishing you for not giving her what she wants, by canceling an already arranged trip with you. I call it an emotional revenge tantrum. If she doesn't get what she wants, you don't get what you want either (time with her). It's a control maneuver. 

She's emotionally manipulating your kid, by twisting your words into something they are not (telling her you want a divorce). She is trying to play the victim and garner sympathy for her emotional cause and make you out to be the bad guy.

It would be helpful to know how outside of your means these tickets are. I do agree with the sentiments that if you knew it was important to your wife, it would have been nice of you to create a budget to try and save over the course of a year, two years, or however long it may take to help reach the goal of purchasing the tickets. You could have brought your wife on board with this plan so she could also contribute, then you would know exactly how important it really is for her to have the tickets. In other words, if she doesn't put any money into it it, it can't have been that important to her. A princess may assume that she is provided for, but that is not the relationship that you have with her, nor can you provide it for her according to your own words. 

Maybe this is an incompatibility that over time she has grown more resentful of, but in my experience, comparing your life to the life of someone else or the lifestyle of another couple rarely bring you what you truly desire. It is like looking through the window of someone else's house with envy at all that is within. Meanwhile, someone is breaking into your house because you're not paying attention. Its a very immature and insecure way of viewing the world, one that assumes no personal responsibility for how the future is shaped.

The things your wife wants are mainly material, and imo, once the zombie apocalypse comes, all that stuff will be junk and pointless anyway. Remember what matters. But, if it's how she really wants to live, you always have the option of setting her free to find the ideal provider.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

x598 said:


> wanting to attend an event once certainly doesn't make her sound like a spoiled princess.
> 
> this on the other hand....takes it to an entirely different level:
> 
> ...


We are getting only his side of the story. We don’t know for example how they handle money. We don’t know if she has access to money and if she has to go to him for every purchase. We don’t know their budget either. She knows this stuff. She might have a point. But she’s not here to defend her point of view. Calling his wife names is out of line.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Since this has been going on for years, if OP were thoughtful, he would have begun setting $ aside each month, a year in advance, so that by the time the event came around, $ would not be an issue. 

H and I started doing that 2 years ago, and "amazingly," when our anniversary rolls around, we have $ to go spend a weekend somewhere together and eat at a nice restaurant. This year we decided to save a little more each month, so we can do something even nicer next year.

OP really has no excuse IMO. His wife doesn't either. It is both of their anniversary. If OP refuses to begin saving for their anniversary, she can start saving for next year.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> No just ones that act like she does. Just trying to give the OP a little support. I know what this feels like, you obviously don't.


No,you know what it feels like to deal with your wife.

You've projected everything else. Have you made some effort to do some things your wife wants only to have it never be enough?

That's not what he's said. He's not said that he's done x, y, and z when she asked and she still wants more. She wants one single event that he has made no effort for, and it's one he said he could afford with some planning. He's simply deemed it not important enough. 

I hope that's not how you treat your wife. 

I do know what it's like to be married to someone who literally makes zero effort. He's now my ex hb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ok. But he's said it's something he could save for and hasn't bothered, knowing it's important to her.
> 
> He hasn't mentioned anything else in particular she's demanded,he assumes she wants expensive stuff and digs his heels in. But he can't know that because he's made zero effort.
> 
> ...


Did you read my post? here, read it again



EunuchMonk said:


> Both of you are kinda dumb....okay, lemme rephrase that. The complication of the marital union is two-sided. She's an entitled little princess that is envious of her friend that is living the life she wants (I have a problem with being rude sometimes. I would have retorted, "Go be his concubine, then maybe he'll take you along for the ride!" but don't do that!) *On the other hand you should have saved up if you knew that trip was something she really wanted. You are kind of thoughtless tbh.*


Of course, he's going to assume she wants expensive stuff.



withatwist said:


> *A few times a week, she brings up how lucky this girl is and that she's living every girl's dream.*
> 
> *She said it's the thoughtfulness of her friend's husband that she envy's, but everything she brings up to me is an expensive gift or vacation her friend received.*
> 
> ...


She's trying to turn the daughter on her father....hello?

Anyway, OP, like I was saying, save for this event but make no mistake, YOUR WIFE IS AN ENTITLED PRINCESS! You are not nuts.

She cancelled the other trip, eh?


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## withatwist (Sep 6, 2016)

Wow - I didn't expect so many replies. I appreciate everyone's point of view.

A couple of tidbits:

In our household, I make ~95% of the income, but she holds our credit card, which we use for everything (we pay it back, we use it to get "points").

For the business trip, we're going down early to have a couple days to ourselves, then after 6 PM each night we have to ourselves.

Part of the reason I can't afford the tickets is because we paid for the couple of days extra on the business trip. That, and every other household bill that seems to come up.

I guess my point of view was ... it's a gift. If I told someone "I want X!" and they didn't get it for me (for whatever reason) I would be disappointed, sure, but I would feel like a jerk if I got mad at them.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Whose idea was it for her to come on the business trip?

If it was yours then maybe it's not what she really wanted.

If it was hers did you explain that you couldn't do both?


Either way did you explain that you couldn't do both?

What is this event she really wants?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

withatwist said:


> Wow - I didn't expect so many replies. I appreciate everyone's point of view.
> 
> A couple of tidbits:
> 
> ...


I deal in reality and the highlighted statement is a cop out. You have had plenty of time to save for the tickets. OP if you want real advise don't play games, we will lose trust and respect for you very quickly. Honestly that statement alone makes me wonder what the real story is, suddenly it sounds like you get to decide what's important and what's not. 

So you say to your wife "hey I didn't buy you those tickets you've wanted for the past two years but as a conciliation anniversary gift you can come on a business trip with me." 
I bet that made her feel great.

I don't support your wife disparaging you to your daughter, that's a terrible thing to lay on a kid. But OP you need to admit the truth that the reason you haven't sprung for the tickets for this "event" is simply because you don't want to, it's not important to you thus your wife feels she's not important to you. This ain't rocket science.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

withatwist said:


> Trying to figure this one out ... but could use some help.
> 
> We've been married over a decade and have two awesome kids. But she's been unhappy lately, and stressed. Two items keep coming up:
> 
> ...


Communication, and lack thereof, and miscommunication is one of the biggest issues in a relationship. She is saying one thing but you are hearing another, and vise/versa. Sounds like you both have a communication problem. Additionally, her involving your daughter and saying what she did to your daughter and putting words and ideas in her head that you did not voice is a BIG NO NO!! Parents do not involve their children in adult situations/problems....period!

Social media and the internet can compound issues and problems in a marriage. Seeing and hearing your friends post about the gifts they received and the trips they took, blah blah blah, all the while you are not able to do those things, breeds envy, jealousy, anger and resentment. Quite frankly, one does not know exactly what goes on behind the closed doors of others relationships and should not always be construed as "living happily ever after." Things may not always be as they appear; that is why social media should be taken with a grain of salt.

OP, while not knowing completely every little detail to this issue, I feel the message you are conveying to your wife over these tickets to this certain event is that her wants/needs are not important, especially since she has said to you for two years now that this something that she would like to do. And the fact that you could have started saving for these tickets and this event screams that even more. Remember, it's the "thought" that counts. Her message back to you for wanting to cancel the business trip, or canceling her part of going with you on the business trip, is that if something that she wants to do and would enjoy means so little to you, then she is not going to indulge you in something you would enjoy by going on your "business" trip with you. Tit for Tat ...... childish ....... but there again if you both do not properly communicate the issue it will remain unresolved and therefore breed more anger and resentment.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

withatwist said:


> Wow - I didn't expect so many replies. I appreciate everyone's point of view.
> 
> 
> I guess my point of view was ... it's a gift. If I told someone "I want X!" and they didn't get it for me (for whatever reason) I would be disappointed, sure, but I would feel like a jerk if I got mad at them.


Work on your communication, you both see things differently.
She asked you exactly what she wants, but you chose to see it your way. Not everyone sees things the same way you do. 

That is part of the big issue. I do not think she is spoiled or "princess"

Try go get the tickets FFS....


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

So the ticket only cost what a couple of extra days on a business trip would? I think you dropped the ball. 

If you wife spells out exactly what she wants you should open a vein to get it for her.

Most wives will do the, "Oh, I don't want anything" routine. You should be grateful she gave you a map to her heart.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Satya said:


> Some women truly want to be kept and provided for.


I agree it is a "need" for some women. They literally do not feel loved otherwise. 

You're in deep sh!t OP if she's one of these types and you didn't weed her out before marriage....


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

For how many years has your wife been wanting to go to this event?


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

DUDE. Your wife wants you to do something that's about her. Not an afterthought, not some pragmatic adjunct to a fvcking business trip. If the proposed vacation seems partly or wholly frivolous to you, well, that's probably the point. She wants to know that you occasionally value her and her desires sufficiently that you won't feed every last one of them thru the plodding utilitarian meatgrinder of your cost-benefit analysis. 

She may have reached for a poor argument (friend's husband) after long frustration, but unless she's like this about everything else in your marriage, wanting this one clearly defined thing does not make her a "spoiled princess" as some have asserted. So TALK to her, not in a mentality of convincing her how impractical & stupid the trip is, but in good faith to figure out how you both can make this happen financially together.


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