# Has anyone actually gotten a divorce over an EA that never went PA?



## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

Just wondering if any EAs that never crossed the line to PAs were actually bad enough that couples divorced over them.

Edit: This is just a general question. It is not personal and it is not related to my other thread about the text message. That was obviously a sign of a full blown PA if anything!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Short answer: yes


Edit to remove sensitive info


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I will flip this around for you so you get the real impact of EAs. 

EAs destroy marriages. They suck the life out of them. There is history rewriting and in general you end up with your spouse not being in love with you any more. So people end up divorcing but not realizing the EA caused it. 

Then there are the EAs that are PAs but people never know or never know for sure. 

But indeed EAs are pervasive. Most often EAs exist and are never seen as EAs. They are seen as frienships by the APs. 

There are ONSs and other very short term PAs. But for the rest you basically have an EA that went physical. EAs though are about bonding as friends first. This creates the Oxytocin environment to let the boundries down. Then come more romantic thoughts. One becomes obsessed with thenother person. That if not caught very soon can lead to an escalation over night. A hug becomes an embrace, becomes a passionate kiss and the start of a PA.

An EA is an affair. It is unfaithful. It is cheating. Cheating is more than penetration. It is giving away oneself to another that should be just between spouses.

So not trying to hijack as you have a valid question. Just saying there is more to thsi than what your question seems to imply.

Not everyone dies from cancer. Not all EAs end in divorce but they destroy the marriage if left alone and often go terminal with a PA.

Not something one just lets run its course without severe damage.

BTW sexting is not part of an EA. Overt sexual expression is an EA+. An EA ready to go to a PA.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

t10eml said:


> Just wondering if any EAs that never crossed the line to PAs were actually bad enough that couples divorced over them.


I can think of at least two off the top of my head, but they are both posting in the private section.

I think people focus so much on did the penis get into the vagina. That's the one thing that pretty much everyone can agree on, violates the marriage vows. And even if one person wouldn't divorce over that, they understand that someone else would.

EAs--not everyone gets them until they go through one. They don't understand that these relationships are about one spouse turning away from the other. Building a huge wall between them, brick by brick, by confiding and channeling time and energy into someone else. That someone, BTW, doesn't have to be sexually attractive, and they don't have to be physically present. Many, many EAs are virtual over the Internet and it's not unusual in those cases for the 2 people to have never met.

The primary damage that an EA does is to cause the two spouses to grow apart. But in a true EA, there is also an element of secrecy. The disloyal spouse is confiding everything in their EA partner, and typically they are complaining about the marriage. They are having a variety of needs met by that EA partner and are not even giving their spouse a chance to meet those needs.

That level of dishonesty kills romantic love. Again, it's hard to believe until you've experienced it. I always say that EAs are insidious: proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. Like a cancer that eats a marriage from the inside out.

Many people can forgive an EA if they are close to sure that there was no physical side. In an EA, what causes a permanent rupture is the loyal spouse's inability to recover trust in their partner. And that loss of trust is due to dishonesty, hiding things, and most of all, the LYING. The stress and anxiety that level of uncertainty can cause can reach a point where the loyal spouse simply refuses to live that way any more. And that's when they choose a divorce.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

t10eml said:


> Just wondering if any EAs that never crossed the line to PAs were actually bad enough that couples divorced over them.


Almost in my case. My wife was ready to pull the trigger on me and frankly, I was ready to let her.

So if this is in conjunction with your other post about the text, no you are not a bad guy if your wife was in the middle of an EA.

I can only speak for myself. At a certain point, I realized I was crossing a line. That I was blatantly choosing my 'friend' over my wife and that my actions were hurting my wife. 

And I kept typing.

So...if this ameliorates your guilt at all, I'm glad. I would guess most EA people go through that step...but I can't say for sure.


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## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

JCD said:


> Almost in my case. My wife was ready to pull the trigger on me and frankly, I was ready to let her.
> 
> So if this is in conjunction with your other post about the text, no you are not a bad guy if your wife was in the middle of an EA.
> 
> ...


Hi, this was just a general question. It is not personal and it is not related to my other thread about the text message. That was obviously a sign of a full blown PA if anything!


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

As a side note to your topic. I'm amazed at just how many people out there who are happy to pursue a married person. They do this knowing that if they are successful in getting something going they could be helping to destroy a marriage and tear a family apart. I could use some choice language at this point but you get my drift.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Several cases where the WW or WH divorced a betrayed and totally clueless spouse over an EA. They say they are in love and both cheaters have agreed to divorce before taking the step to PA.

But - cheaters lie - so who knows if they were telling the truth.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> As a side note to your topic. I'm amazed at just how many people out there who are happy to pursue a married person. They do this knowing that if they are successful in getting something going they could be helping to destroy a marriage and tear a family apart. I could use some choice language at this point but you get my drift.


The last thing on the affair partner's mind in the family of the OW/OM or the fact that they are going to tear the family apart. You're giving the AP too much credit for something that happens only if there are two willing participants. So your anger at the OW/OM should be in fact directed at your SO for having poor personal boundaries.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

My take is that the reason EA leads to divorce is that the WS is in fantasy land. It's very difficult to replace that fantasy land with the reality.

If you don't go through divorce and go for R, somewhere down the line the fantasy pops and there are fair chance that WS will again get in touch with AP.

It's very difficult to overcome/replace the newness the fantasy land provides !!!


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## TheQueen (Dec 7, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> As a side note to your topic. I'm amazed at just how many people out there who are happy to pursue a married person. They do this knowing that if they are successful in getting something going they could be helping to destroy a marriage and tear a family apart. I could use some choice language at this point but you get my drift.


It's pure selfishness. They don't think of anyone but themselves and fork up any and all type of excuses in their head to justify the actions they know is wrong.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Entropy3000 said:


> EAs destroy marriages. They suck the life out of them. There is hostory rewriting and in general you end up with your spouse not being in love with you any more. So people end up divorcing but not realizing the EA cause it.
> 
> But indeed EAs are pervasive. Most often EAs exist and are never seen as EAs. They are seen as frienships by the APs.


:iagree:

We didn't divorce but we came very close. The EA never crossed, in fact they had never met in person. It was a fantasy and E3K is correct, she rewrote the marital history, disconnected from me and was ready to leave the marriage for it. She remained in complete denial that the relationship had anything to do with her disconnect or that it was anything more than a friendship. Only when it ended and she felt the loss of love did she realize it was more. None the less she didn't stop his attempts to reconnect and finally breaking NC until I let her know I was ready to walk out on her if it didn't end for good. So we both stepped up to the abyss during that period. We we within a gnat's ass of pulling the trigger.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

An EA is as Entropy said, like cancer. It does indeed eat the marriage from the inside out. The WS becomes a liar and a thief. They destroy the BS' trust from the bottom floor with their lies. THey steal from their BS and give to their AP. There is no honor amoung thieves.

So, Yes. EA's do destroy marriages. Just bc a WS doesnt have intercourse with AP doesnt mean the damage is any less. When your spouse gives their emotional energy, time and effort into someone that isnt YOU- they are choosing someone in your stead. Leaving you on the outside. They have 'fun' at your peril. They get rainbows and unicorns and the BS gets late nights with their head in the toilet. A BS is left living with a stranger. An imposter who pretended to love you. Virtually everything you thought you ever knew about your marriage, your life, your spouse is all down the drain. 

If you get 'lucky' your WS will pull their head out of their azz and check back into the marriage. But that all comes with a heavy price and a very long row to hoe.

And lastly, Im always amazed at this question. Like people dont have the emotional intelligence to figure out that a marriage can be broken by MORE than screwing someone else.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> :iagree:
> 
> We didn't divorce but we came very close. The EA never crossed, in fact they had never met in person. It was a fantasy and E3K is correct, she rewrote the marital history, disconnected from me and was ready to leave the marriage for it. She remained in complete denial that the relationship had anything to do with her disconnect or that it was anything more than a friendship. Only when it ended and she felt the loss of love did she realize it was more. None the less she didn't stop his attempts to reconnect and finally breaking NC until I let her know I was ready to walk out on her if it didn't end for good. So we both stepped up to the abyss during that period. We we within a gnat's ass of pulling the trigger.


Ditto.


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## timeisup (Mar 1, 2012)

I am actually on the verge of a divorce over an 8 month EA right now. I posted back in March regarding my situation. It was definitely only an EA and they never even met. Totally texting and phone calls. At this point I have divorce papers drawn up, and she is asking to try counseling one more time. The reasons her EA will most likely end in me saying no and going through the divorce is:

1. It started only six months after our marriage.
2. She lied about the extent of it through three months of counseling when we were supposedly reconciling last winter. I only found extent by more digging on my own.
3. She texted him two months into counseling (he never responded).
4. She never came clean about any details that I didn't find out on my own first.

It is the deception and destroyed trust that I can't figure a way to get past. She seems sincere now, but it is hard to know what to believe.


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## TheQueen (Dec 7, 2012)

timeisup said:


> I am actually on the verge of a divorce over an 8 month EA right now. I posted back in March regarding my situation. It was definitely only an EA and they never even met. Totally texting and phone calls. At this point I have divorce papers drawn up, and she is asking to try counseling one more time. The reasons her EA will most likely end in me saying no and going through the divorce is:
> 
> 1. It started only six months after our marriage.
> 2. She lied about the extent of it through three months of counseling when we were supposedly reconciling last winter. I only found extent by more digging on my own.
> ...


Yeah, I completely understand. For true successful R, you probably already know this but real remorse and unbroken NC is at the foundation of it, without a proper foundation for sure your house is going crash some day. She doesn't seem really remorseful, being sincere now could just be because he's not reciprocating anymore (like you said,he didn't respond) or she could just be faking like before. Who knows? What is she doing now that she wasn't doing before that's proof she's truly sincere and committed? 

Cliche but true, ACTIONS speak louder than words, what are her actions saying? They already show that she chose her EAP over you. I mean after only 6 MONTHS of marriage, geebers! After a few years what would it be?

That being said, I'm pro marriage and reconciliation no matter the past if one truly wants (the DS) and can (the BS). I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tough, it hurts.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> As a side note to your topic. I'm amazed at just how many people out there who are happy to pursue a married person. They do this knowing that if they are successful in getting something going they could be helping to destroy a marriage and tear a family apart. I could use some choice language at this point but you get my drift.


good point some folks are so sick they get turned on by that very act as soon as the ww is available they throw them under the bus happens time and again 

the grass is greenier where you water it


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I will flip this around for you so you get the real impact of EAs.
> 
> EAs destroy marriages. They suck the life out of them. There is hostory rewriting and in general you end up with your spouse not being in love with you any more. So people end up divorcing but not realizing the EA cause it.
> 
> ...


So eloquently stated. My exH allowed his friends to be dismissive of me. His friends wives would call him on his cellphone and make plans without any input from or advanced notice to me. No wonder I worked on developing my own friendships and avoiding his. 

I've also learned to be less charitable about my friends around my partner. Amazing how many women get off on that special and inappropriate attention and especially when they can see it's at your expense.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

BjornFree said:


> The last thing on the affair partner's mind in the family of the OW/OM or the fact that they are going to tear the family apart. You're giving the AP too much credit for something that happens only if there are two willing participants. So your anger at the OW/OM should be in fact directed at your SO for having poor personal boundaries.


I don't want to highjack this thread so just to be clear:

Don't generalize about AP's motivations. Granted sometimes thing "just happen" but sometimes the AP is more of a predator. ie they find a marriage in trouble, a married person dealing with depression, a married person that is lonely and they actively target them. Agreed it takes two but some people are weak or in a weakened state and can be worn down. I'm not angry at anyone...I'm sharing experience and knowledge.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I also think that AP's somehow think they are removed from the situation. When the affair is discovered that they are just going to walk away like nothing happened. The retribution list is a long one and as they say "revenge is a dish best served cold".


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

A couple of women have told me that their friendship with my husband has nothing to do with me. 

they're a lot of people out there with entitlement issues.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Canttrustu, have you experienced something similar?


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## DWM (Sep 27, 2012)

timeisup said:


> I am actually on the verge of a divorce over an 8 month EA right now. I posted back in March regarding my situation. It was definitely only an EA and they never even met. Totally texting and phone calls. At this point I have divorce papers drawn up, and she is asking to try counseling one more time. The reasons her EA will most likely end in me saying no and going through the divorce is:
> 
> 1. It started only six months after our marriage.
> 2. She lied about the extent of it through three months of counseling when we were supposedly reconciling last winter. I only found extent by more digging on my own.
> ...


This sounds like my story. The last EA is over (as far as I know) but the trust issues have never been resolved and she refused to address them and she simply continued cheating on money and other entitlement issues.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Canttrustu, have you experienced something similar?


Just an EA my H conducted with a coworker. He definately had entitlement issues as did she. She knew he had a very ill child and used it to her FULL advantage to get close to him. ...and HE allowed it. Because she was sure she was special, as was he. When I spoke to her, she was indignant and snide(until I asked if she'd rather I took this matter up with HR). so, yeah- entitlement issues. Pretty common with cheaters, I'd say.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> The last thing on the affair partner's mind in the family of the OW/OM or the fact that they are going to tear the family apart. You're giving the AP too much credit for something that happens only if there are two willing participants. So your anger at the OW/OM should be in fact directed at your SO for having poor personal boundaries.


True re having anger (hurt) directed towards one's WS. However, in the case where the AP was also a "friend" of the BS, that's a double violation of trust and double betrayal. Granted the WS's betrayal is the greatest. If the WS had proper boundaries and shared with BS that their mutual "friend" had come onto him/her then that would still be a betrayal but so much easier to handle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shoto1984 said:


> As a side note to your topic. I'm amazed at just how many people out there who are happy to pursue a married person. They do this knowing that if they are successful in getting something going they could be helping to destroy a marriage and tear a family apart. I could use some choice language at this point but you get my drift.


This is why I have no sympathy for those people. They are culpable for what they do. They should be held accountable along with the WS. So many folks want to give them a free pass because it is their right to pursue or under the excuse that it takes away focus from the WS. I say there is plenty of blame to go around.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shoto1984 said:


> I don't want to highjack this thread so just to be clear:
> 
> Don't generalize about AP's motivations. Granted sometimes thing "just happen" but sometimes the AP is more of a predator. ie they find a marriage in trouble, a married person dealing with depression, a married person that is lonely and they actively target them. Agreed it takes two but some people are weak or in a weakened state and can be worn down. I'm not angry at anyone...I'm sharing experience and knowledge.


Absolutely true. This is a full shades of gray thing. There are predators out there that get off on this kind of thing. It is sport to them. They would rather break up a marriage than have a relationship of their own.

I totally agree.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

An EA can end a marriage, but [IMHO] it shouldn't if the marriage was ever viable in the first place.

I had a brief EA with a colleague which threw me into all kinds of turmoil that might have ended the marriage just because of the pain that we were both in. But we both stuck with it while we thought things through and even tried a holiday away from each other.

In the end, I am divorcing my W (currently separated) but not because of the EA. The EA acted as a catalyst in our marriage. It created a tremendous amount of pain for both of us that made us focus on our relationship and the problems within it... and within us.

I'm actually 'glad' that I had an EA now. The hurt from it was immense but I learned so much about life, myself and my stbxw as a result of it. 

I did not ask for a D because I love my AP (which I still do, but I also still love my W). I asked for a D because some of the differences in our two personalities makes real communication almost impossible for us in the face of adversity and because we simply have different life goals and I think that we both need time on our own to become who we are again.

It took almost a year for me to identify the gaps in our marriage that eventually developed into rifts in our relationship which lead to feelings of rejection and resentment, etc.

So yes, an EA can end a marriage... if you let it. But it doesn't have to be the *reason* that the marriage ended. People end marriages, not affairs.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

TCx said:


> An EA can end a marriage, but [IMHO] it shouldn't if the marriage was ever viable in the first place.


:scratchhead:

Yet, you're ending your marriage BUT the EA had nothing to do with it? Hmmmm...


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Yet, you're ending your marriage BUT the EA had nothing to do with it? Hmmmm...


In my case, did the EA end the marriage? I don't think it did. I think it was a catalyst, certainly for me and, to a degree, to my wife.

I'm hoping our splitting up will be a catalyst of change in her own life too.

Did the EA have nothing to do with my D? Now that I'm calm and have sorted through the hurt, guilt and other emotions, I firmly believe that we were headed for D long before the EA. The EA just sped up the process by teaching me some very much needed lessons about life.

So no, the EA didn't end my marriage. I did.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

TCx said:


> I think it was a catalyst


I am the BS, and I think H's Skype chat/ EA is making me look back at our history to put things into perspective. I was totally blind sided. I can't stop wondering if he was willing to go that far, how far would he go?? Will he do it again? I am currently contemplating divorce and he thinks everything is fine.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

LdyVenus said:


> I am currently contemplating divorce and he thinks everything is fine.


And therein, IMHO, lies the fatal flaw of your marriage.

How is it possible that the two of you, who are married and are supposed to be sharing everything with each other, could be on such massively different pages in your relationship?

If he thinks everything is fine, the he either doesn't think he will cheat again or he is lying low until the heat blows over.

Either way, you're never going to know. And you know what... he will do it again...

... because the two of you are not sharing. Your resentment, insecurity and fear will drive a wedge between you and you'll push him away. I bet you're doing it already and he's none-the-wiser. It sounds like you're blind siding him.

He had an A with another person. You are having an A with the notion of divorce.

You have your reasons and I won't judge them. But you are being no less dishonest with your H than he was about the EA.

Your marriage is over. 

Decision: rebuild; try again and accept that he might cheat again regardless of how hard you try OR... move on.

It's a big decision. Take your time making it and take time away from him if his presence clouds your judgement.

If you want to rebuild it then share with him. Tell him what you need. Tell him your fears. Communicate your boundaries to him because if he doesn't know them you have absolutely no excuse for punishing him if he crosses them.

I can't predict what his reaction would be. It could be "you are being paranoid" or it could be "I'm so sorry". Chances are it will be the former rather than the latter because he just doesn't understand what you're going through.

So open up to him; cry when you need to.

But please don't blame the divorce on his EA. His EA did not kill the marriage; it damaged you and your trust in him. If you keep going on without working things out it will be the two of you that kill the marriage.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

@TCx Thank you. 

I have been lurking here for a while and all of the reading helped me to have that big talk with him 2 nights ago, crying and all. I had to explain that I can't stop thinking about it and that he needed to realize how much it did hurt me. When I said I think we are headed for a divorce he looked at me like I was nuts. He was very resistant about talking at first, but I think I got through and I told him we need to be able to talk about EVERYTHING good or bad.


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

Well keep at it. You've had a break through but there are going to be set backs. You're going to hurt for a long time and he's not going to get that. He's going to think 'everything is okay' again one day; count on it. And you're going to have to do it again... probably very soon.

Men don't like talking about this stuff and talking about it will instill guilt in him; he'll want to hide from that and even avoid it.

After a while of seeing what you're going through he'll go one of two ways:

"Oh my God, I had no idea" and he'll collapse. The other way will be that he gets tired of you blaming him for things and he'll start to pull away.

Whatever you do, don't blame him for it even if you feel like he is to blame. And while you talk to him, he might come up with some pretty hurtful things to say... once the pain takes hold he will naturally need to defend his own sanity.

Whatever you do, do not take anything he says about you seriously for at least the next six months or more. He'll be sorting through things in his head and trying on different explanations and rationalizations. Challenge his thoughts with your own or he will solidify his opinions on the most convenient explanations for him. Keep talking (not arguing) together and crying together and you will find your way through.

But do not, under any circumstance ask, "how can I ever trust you again?", even in anger. Because the only answer that he has to give is "because I give you my word" and he's not there yet for that word to really mean something.

He needs to heal too. I'm sorry but this is the process and it's hard, probably more on you because you have to help him through it while you are hurting. I don't envy you.


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Going through that now, and seriously considering divorce because husband will not admit that thousands of texts a month and 3 hour long conversations a day, and half hour morning visits in her office is not an emotional affair.
She's the director of our kids preshool. He says she was his best friend and I took her away from him. They didn;t do anything wrong and he only stopped because I freaked out and bc it hurt me.


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## sheer (Dec 9, 2012)

So? EA/PA means nothing. Why can't you let a man live in peace? My hubby has being having EA/PA flings for 8 years so what?
If you cant handle it then divorce him. Stop putting him/the mistress in bad light and gaining sympathy for yourself.
Grow up.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Whether it is an EA or simply one that has blossomed into a PA, it is richly deemed to be *"infidelity!" *You're either basically engaged in an emotional or a sexual aspect of your life that should be reserved for no one other than your spouse.

And if there happens to be strong denial on their part in light of massive and convicting proof, then you can certainly add *"deception"* to the mix.

Given those two important parameters, it would seem that they alone would be enough to drag even the best and safest of marriages into the murky undertow!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

The other interesting thing about an EA I noticed is how your partner can villify you for certain traits, characteristics only to find that his EA partner demonstrated the same vile traits.

For example, my fiance called me intolerant because he said that I said I never wanted to meet his "friend." I know I thought it but I can't remember having said it to him. I did see in her text messages to him that she never wanted to meet me.

He called me creepy for having done an internet search on her. Just searching, no hacking for public and semi public info on her. (she's got 330 FB friends, with that she can't assume to know everyone who is looking at her profile. Not to metnion that prospective employers seem to do a great job of getting into a job applicant's account, but that's not creepy either, ya' know) yet, he thought nothing of her constant questioning about me; about our dates; about how often we were having sex. That's not creepy?!?!?

He also accused me of being a racist due to a remark I made in private between him and myself. I won't say what it was to avoid derailing the discussion. Suffice to say that while one may have interpreted the comment racist, many others could interpret it as simply observant. Yet......I saw a text message from her to him in which she said "I'm too white to be here." She was at a bar alone but it doesn't appear from the text exchange that my fiance went out to meet her. Still, it's pretty racist to assume that only girls have to worry about their personal security. Yet, he doesn't think she's racist for having said it.

People can really get a warped sense of balance in an EA


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> The other interesting thing about an EA I noticed is how your partner can villify you for certain traits, characteristics only to find that his EA partner demonstrated the same vile traits.
> 
> For example, my fiance called me intolerant because he said that I said I never wanted to meet his "friend." I know I thought it but I can't remember having said it to him. I did see in her text messages to him that she never wanted to meet me.
> 
> ...


All pretty typical honestly. Sad to say. My h didnt really 'villify' me but he did start nit picking at me. He'd b*tch about everything I did. Tried to pick fights. I could do nothing right. She could do nothing wrong. Despite the fact that she was a controlling and manipulative *woman*. Her job required her to be controlling to a point and she carried that over to her personal life but he found it "powerful" whereas If I had done the same things, I'd have been a b*tch. 

All the mind of a person in an affair. Clouded by rainbows and unicorns. 

He has since looked back at some of their interaction and said "wow, what a tool I was for not seeing her for who she is but then again I guess I was no better". Its amazing the view they have when the rose colored glasses are removed.:scratchhead:

Those are the kinds of things that can leave a BS to feel resentment toward the WS. When everything AP did was wonderful. vomit. And a BS is viewed thru the lense of reality, faults and all.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I will flip this around for you so you get the real impact of EAs.
> 
> EAs destroy marriages. They suck the life out of them. There is history rewriting and in general you end up with your spouse not being in love with you any more. So people end up divorcing but not realizing the EA caused it.
> 
> ...




An EA is so much, much more serious! The resulting deception alone works overtime to totally undermine the precepts of the marriage and its intended tenants of mutual trust!

The EA truly sets the groundwork for the PA~ and while the EA vastly works on destroying any marital trust, any written or verbal conveyance, either by means of texting(sexting), email, instant messaging, et. al. albeit intentional or veiled in nature, is nothing more than saying that the marriage is effectively destroyed, and that the "sexual buffet" of the PA has been fastly laid upon the table!

The PA, in effect, whenever it is consumated, only destroys the pledge and promise of physical fidelity. However, the EA itself is so much more serious as it violates an emotional loving "trust!"


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> An EA is so much, much more serious! The resulting deception alone works overtime to totally undermine the precepts of the marriage and its intended tenants of mutual trust!
> 
> The EA truly sets the groundwork for the PA~ and while the EA vastly works on destroying any marital trust, any written or verbal conveyance, either by means of texting(sexting), email, instant messaging, et. al. albeit intentional or veiled in nature, is nothing more than saying that the marriage is effectively destroyed, and that the "sexual buffet" of the PA has been fastly laid upon the table!
> 
> The PA, in effect, whenever it is consumated, only destroys the pledge and promise of physical fidelity. However, the EA itself is so much more serious as it violates an emotional loving "trust!"


Sh*t sandwich either way. But if I could have chosen between a ONS and my H's EA- I'd choose the ONS everytime. The EA is about taking your spouse's heart/mind and even a piece of their soul. All things they steal from you to give to AP.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> The PA, in effect, whenever it is consumated, only destroys the pledge and promise of physical fidelity. However, the EA itself is so much more serious as it violates an emotional loving "trust!"


Well said Arbitrator.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

An EA is a PA just waiting to happen.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> An EA is a PA just waiting to happen.


Exactly right!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> BTW sexting is not part of an EA.


You have something there ... Could you please elaborate on this? It has a very special meaning for me. 

Thanks.


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