# I have Lost his friendship after marriage..?



## Vanessa90 (Aug 21, 2014)

This guy I was friends with for a few years suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life for no reason that I am aware of. We never actually dated or anything throughout our friendship- I waited a bit when we were hanging out to see if something might move further with our friendship but he seemed to never make Any moves or anything. He would make Comments and things towards me that were flirtatious and that's what always kept me thinking he may want to be more than friends but than nothing. He would say things like, I love you Vanessa, I really do, stuff like that. He would say I was beautiful, and that my future husband is so lucky, things like that. I always had to reach out to him and he would never imitate any contact ( is the way it seemed) after about two years of this up and down stuff, I kind of moved on with another guy and another year later I married my husband. 

We are happy now but anytime anyone ever asked me how this person is or have we talked I say, you know not really And it seems that anytime I talk to him he is very short with me, not the same, if he sees me out somewhere he literally avoids me it seems. My feelings are kind of hurt now because it seems like he is done with our whole friendship totally out of the blue...No goodbye, No explanation, No nothing?? I understand that I am married, and I have spoken to my husband about this situation. He feels like he is totally an outsider looking into this whole thing. He has never met this guy, and he was never a part of my life when we were together, and as I stated, I am not really asking this because I want something romantic to come out of this. I feel like just because I got married does not mean that I have to never speak to or have to loose any guy that I have ever been friends with.

It just leaves me feeling torn because I hate when anyone that I care about is mad, or hurt, because of something I did or said, Male or female I would never want someone to just throw away our friendship with no reason. I simply feel like there is no closure-and thats what led me to kind of research and reach out to others to see if this is normal behavior or if maybe I did do something and need to apologize, I just don't know what to think about the situation. I have always ended relationships and even friendships with reason, and closure so the chapter is just closed-bookend to bookend. I feel like I did something wrong.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Some people choose to step away when an opposite sex friend gets married.  Sometimes it happens naturally over time, and sometimes more abruptly.

There is no point in focusing on this so much. I'm not sure why you are? You didn't do anything wrong to apologize for it.

FYI, you are probably making your husband uncomfortable and suspicious why you are so into this other guy.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like you were interested in him but he didn't feel the same way. Now that you're married he chooses not to maintain even minimal contact. Don't concern yourself about why he did what he did. Even if you ask him he might tell the truth or he might not. Just let it go.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

I agree with NoraJane. You are way too concerned with this guy. So you two used to be good friends? From what you wrote he has always been somewhat distant from you, even before you got married.

It is time for you to move on and focus on your marriage.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

this is part of "learning" how to be married. You besake all others. i.e. no "wondering what he is doing", etc. He is water under the bridge. Concentrate about making your current marriage stronger, finding new married couples to hang out with. 

Trying to keep in touch with a single guy is probably not going to go down too well with your husband. Do you really want to roll those dice?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

who cares about this guy spend more time being with your husband........unless you settled for your husband as plan B because you were hearing you clock ticking away. then you have bigger problems


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Agreed with all of the above. I have guy friends on FB, but I"m not kidding myself.....they are aquaintences. And I was pretty close to some of them at some point in our lives. Heck, the same thing has happened with some of my girl friends too. It's all part of life. You thinking about this guy sounds like you have doubts about your current H. He should be the one who has the majority of your thoughts.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Do your marriage and your husband a big favor. Never discuss this man again and if he shows up let him know there is no place for him in your life. Because there is not!

You have no idea the damage you are doing to your husband.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, I think you are a bit ignorant and naive (no offense).

This is all you need to know. Accept it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

You see, you never really had a friendship with this guy, you THINK you did, but in reality........not even close. 

The reason he is no longer your "friend" is because he knows there is absolutely no chance to get with you now. 

Thus, it was never really a friendship to begin with if he was after you....was it?

hehe

I would also highly recommend that you don't get into "friendships" with opposite sex.....for the sake of your marriage (it's inappropriate and disrespectful as well).

Just me though


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

try this: next time you think of this former bf....imagine a toilet, and your hand reaches for the handle, twists the knob, imagine hearing the water flush, swirling around the bowel, going down. 

Every time your mind wanders onto thinking of him, do the same imagery again. In a few months you will no longer think of him


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Concentrate on the man in your life.


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## mikejohnston (Aug 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> OP, I think you are a bit ignorant and naive (no offense).
> 
> This is all you need to know. Accept it!
> 
> ...





This!
Took the words out of my mind and typed them before I could.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

You're overthinking it. Just let it go, you can't make everybody like you. He is probably just disappointed that he was too passive aggressive to catch you and now that another man married you he doesn't want to bother with it all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think you misread the guy. He was hanging out with you and telling you things like he loved you and how beautiful you are because he was in love with you (or maybe just in lust). But he is too social awkward to just tell you what he wanted. So he was waiting for you to make a move, and you were waiting for him to make a move.

Now that you are married he knows that he has no chance with you. And that was the only reason he was your 'friend'. 

You need to let this go because he's gone. His not your friend like a girl friend is. He wanted a relationship or to get into your pants. Now he knows he waste his time. He's gone and does not want to be your friend.


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## Abovetheline (Aug 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I think you misread the guy. He was hanging out with you and telling you things like he loved you and how beautiful you are because he was in love with you (or maybe just in lust). But he is too social awkward to just tell you what he wanted. So he was waiting for you to make a move, and you were waiting for him to make a move.
> 
> Now that you are married he knows that he has no chance with you. And that was the only reason he was your 'friend'.
> 
> You need to let this go because he's gone. His not your friend like a girl friend is. He wanted a relationship or to get into your pants. Now he knows he waste his time. He's gone and does not want to be your friend.


:iagree:

Most of the time guys will only be "frineds" with women they want to get it on with. He didn't have the guts to make a move when you were single and now hes out the chance to get it on so its over. Accept the fact that he never really wanted to be your friend and focus on husband


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sister, woman to woman: methinks part of you is missing the attention he gave you. I get that, I mean we all like being told we're petty but you'll be much better off to let him fade into the past and focus on the guy that said "I do".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

OP:

I am a member at another forum, and you posted this same story at that forum. I replied to your thread as well as other members. The members of that forum had the same replies that the members of this forum have.

Are you looking for a different answer such as go ahead and contact your male friend?


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Being that this person hasn't responded yet and also that she posted the same question before- she probably was hoping for different responses. 

She probably has feelings for him. Why do people get married if they still haven't gotten over others. It's deceiving and wrong to marry someone. 

That's just my opinion. 

If you care about your husband, quit thinking about the OM- he's history. Focus on your husband and your marriage.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Vanessa, there is a common term for your friend: beta-orbiter. Look it up. He may have been too chicken to make a move on you, but at least he now has the good sense to scram. Many don't.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

First, now that you are married, you shouldn't have any close opposite sex friends. It's only trouble despite what you may think. Don't seek him out, it 's wrong,

Second, I believe men and women can't just be friends. He was fishing for you and now that you were unavailable, he's moved on.


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## easysolution (Mar 5, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> Vanessa, there is a common term for your friend: beta-orbiter. Look it up. He may have been too chicken to make a move on you, but at least he now has the good sense to scram. Many don't.


The funny/tragic part is that he could've been married to her now. Poor guy :slap:


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## Vanessa90 (Aug 21, 2014)

Sorry for the late response. I had comp. issues. I posted on this site because I got an email saying this was a recommended site that was similar to the one that I was told to use by a girlfriend that uses advice columns and sites all the time for friendly advice and guidance. Thanks to everyone for the responses and opinions. Appreciate the thoughts on the topic.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vanessa you should not have male friends, unless they are married and you and your husband and he and his wife are all friends in the group sense. Opposite gender friends are one of the things you say goodbye to,when you marry. 

It's harsh but it's the only way it can work. I would be highly offended at what you are doing if I was your husband.


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