# The thing I hate the most...



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

is the way that my husband is telling everyone that we were never happy together. I know in my heart that isn't true and to hear him tell other people that it was a mistake that we ever got married and that things have been bad for a really long time just breaks my heart. I know I can't control what he is telling people, but is there any way to get him to see a more accurate history of our marriage? I am struggling just to get through every day and he's already moved on and dating.


----------



## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I am sorry that he is not be considerate of your feelings maybe it will push u to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sorry for your pain. I don't see any way to change anything about my XW. It will take some time for your brain to reprogram your emotions so that you won't care about it as much.

Remember, each of us see things through the colored glasses we wore at the time. There is no way anyone can see what we see in our mind's eye. 

I reeeaaally empathize with you. I am soo sorry you are hurting. Time, counseling, books, religion, are just a few of the things that may help with the pain. Push yourself as much as is healthy for you. 

I didn't believe it, but it does get easier.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

specialplace said:


> is the way that my husband is telling everyone that we were never happy together. I know in my heart that isn't true and to hear him tell other people that it was a mistake that we ever got married and that things have been bad for a really long time just breaks my heart. I know I can't control what he is telling people, but is there any way to get him to see a more accurate history of our marriage? I am struggling just to get through every day and he's already moved on and dating.


My ex is doing the same thing and even gets mad that i'm tellng people that we're divorcing because of his cheating. He wants ME to tell everyone HIS version. 

There's nothing I can do about it. I know that the people he tells know the truth because they have seen us together and have known us for years. They feel sorry for him for being so blind. 

I think that as long as they're in this 'fog' they'll never see the 'more accurate' version of the marriage.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes that is especially hurtful. I have troubles not remembering all the great times, but to talk to her its as if none of them ever happened.


----------



## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

specialplace said:


> is the way that my husband is telling everyone that we were never happy together. I know in my heart that isn't true and to hear him tell other people that it was a mistake that we ever got married and that things have been bad for a really long time just breaks my heart. I know I can't control what he is telling people, but is there any way to get him to see a more accurate history of our marriage? I am struggling just to get through every day and he's already moved on and dating.


I'm going through the same thing with my wife right now, we are separated and she's wanting to D...

She says the same thing about our marriage and I've tried everything to get her to think otherwise.
I feel as if during the time when everything exploded she just rounded up all the negatives of all the year we were together and just convinced herself that everything was a waste.

Nothing can change their mind except time will tell them whether or not the accusation were true or not if they begin to realize what a mistake they made or not.

It is tough to hear though, one person is always left still loving the other person and not wanting it to end while the other person has already convinced themselves it's fine and over


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel, SpecialPlace. 

Just remember, no matter what he does or says he can't take away how you feel and what you remember. 

Unfortunately, same goes for you. In time he may see it differently - after the fog has lifted and he misses you. Maybe not. But you shouldn't require his validation to be happy.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I'm sure my STBXW is doing the same thing. The whole "unhappy marriage" thing - we've all heard it. Just like she said we were having "marital difficulties" when in actuality it meant she was having an affair and being moody/anxious/selfish/detaching at home. 

I think this just reveals what terrible ability for self-insight cheaters have. We BS's often examine ourselves to death to figure out what went wrong and the WS never seems to own up to anything. It's all about going forward, not looking over their shoulder and not helping the people they've hurt. You really think they would tell people "Well, I cheated on him and broke up our family, but no I didn't try to repair the marriage before doing that."? 

Be consistent in telling your version of the story but without looking resentful.


----------

