# The things they say!



## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Background: My WS and I have been married for 28 years. We have 2 children still living at home in their early 20's. In June of this year, I caught husband cheating and told him I would not live with a cheater. So he moves out of our home and into OW's apartment with her. Our son told WS that he wanted nothing from him until he apologized for all the lying and especially for what he did to daughter. 

WS is now realizing the grass isn't greener over there. So this is what he says to our daughter tonight:

He is kinda obligated to staying where he is for the next two weeks but that he is moving to ___________ (our lake house) after that and then he can give her some money. 
Really! WTF! Obligated to the OW? What about his kids, his family. Oh yeah, what am i thinking, he has no obligations here because we are only second class citizens. Not to mention he is still ignoring his son (after 2 months) but calls daughter two and three times a day (She is the oldest of the 2 children) Hmmm, wonder how loved son must feel. 

I am so sick of him!!!!!


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

How are your kids holding up?


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

They are okay I guess. D is upset with him but feels sorry for him too. Son is totally disgusted with him. Me, one day WS is okay, the next he makes me sick! The roller-coaster ride continues. Thanks for asking.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> They are okay I guess. D is upset with him but feels sorry for him too. Son is totally disgusted with him. Me, one day WS is okay, the next he makes me sick! The roller-coaster ride continues. Thanks for asking.


I'm so sorry you and your kids have to go through this. Them being older doesn't make it hurt any less.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And this is what I mean when I say cheaters cheat on their children as well as their spouse.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

You are right Miss Taken, it doesn't hurt any less. 

MattMatt, you are right they do cheat on their children too! I have tried to talk to him twice about ignoring his son. I told him that not only was he the adult here but that he was the parent and he is the one that continually lied to son's face. His response "OK, quite harping on it". So okay I back off and on Saturday he makes the comment to me "I just wished I knew what I did to mess up so bad with my children". Really?? How about listening to yourself you idiot! But my real response was "You know the longer it goes on with you ignoring son the worse it's gonna get.". Guess his ego still won't let him make amends. Oh well, you can't teach somebody how to love can you. 

I was really hoping for R but not sure I even want that anymore.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Baseballmom6 said:


> I was really hoping for R but not sure I even want that anymore.


BBM, 

File like yesterday. Your WS has abandoned you and his children.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I was that 20 year old son over 20 years ago


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Hes trying to appeal to her daughter. 

Sons usually take the harshest few of these kinds of things. 

Hes a coward, he doesn't want to face his son who knows what a PoS he is. Easier for him to talk to disappointed daughter.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

"Almost Recovered: I was that 20 year old son over 20 years ago"

So have you reconnected with your Dad? If so, how long was the disconnect?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

click the my story link in my signature and the first part is about my dad's cheating


short answer- Mom passed back in 95 when I was only 25, Found out Dad married his mistress secretly less than 6 months from her death. Didn't speak to him for almost 5 years. Eventually eased back into a relationship with him and came back to the family biz. It hasn't ever been the same type of relationship we had prior to his affair, we were really tight then. He is a good grandfather and my stepmonster is merely annoying and tends to keep out of my life.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

RWB said:


> BBM,
> 
> File like yesterday. Your WS has abandoned you and his children.



I agree with this. 

I also could not accept my WS's infidelity. 

After an attempted R, in which he continued to act out in various ways, I woke up one day, looked at him and thought...I don't want to be that woman who is married to a man who cheats on his wife. 

I never thought he was one of those guys. I wouldn't have married him if i thought he was. It was a shock to say the least, and then after reading at TAM the clues for affairs, I realized that this was likely NOT, STBEH'S first rodeo.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> And this is what I mean when I say cheaters cheat on their children as well as their spouse.


Ironically the person they are cheating on the most is themselves. Usually they find some way to justify it in their own minds to alleviate the guilt but the reality is the one person who knows the full extent of their betrayal is them.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I get what you are saying BBM. My older children are dealing with the same thing. Sometimes I think it is worse on older children because they can understand what is really happening where a young child can not. No matter what the age it is hard for children but when older sons know that their father is a lying cheater it is really difficult on them.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Ironically the person they are cheating on the most is themselves. Usually they find some way to justify it in their own minds to alleviate the guilt but the reality is the one person who knows the full extent of their betrayal is them.


This is why my STBEH tells me that he had left ME, not the children. But the reality is, he hasn't been by to see his sons. Only visits with his daughter when he's not busy with his MOW. Go figure.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> And this is what I mean when I say cheaters cheat on their children as well as their spouse.


:iagree::iagree: It's so true.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

The excuses as to why they don't see their children are so stupid. These people live in their own fantasy world.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Lone Star said:


> The excuses as to why they don't see their children are so stupid. These people live in their own fantasy world.


I remember some years ago we had a consultant where I work. He was telling the story of how he was so broken up when he split with his wife he didn't see his kids for eight months. All I could think of was if you were feeling broken up how do you think your kids felt? They weren't even party to the breakdown of the marriage...just casualty's. He was baffled by the fact many years later he wasn't that close to his kids. Duh...you abandoned them in one of the most tumultuous times of their lifes and they learned from that not to count on you...and that surprises you? 

To be fair I have heard of instances where it's the woman who abandons the kids in these situations however I believe that's more rare. 

The reality is if there is one point in time that the kids need reassurance from both mom and dad is when the family is in the midst of changing forever. Swallow your hurt or pride or whatever it is and reassure them. They always come first.


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