# Dating Sites--Is Everyone Married?!



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

It has been awhile since I posted any of my dating adventures. The last man I dated was SINGLE (a rarity), but he was seriously hunting a wife. Well, to make a long story short.....that wasn't going to work out. So, out of frustration I decided to take a hiatus from the dating scene for months. If you want to read about frustration (& adventure) read the "Confused" thread. Anyway, I decided to chance the dating scene once again. And here I am venting tonight.

I honestly don't know why I have a profile on Plenty of Fish. I really think it has the most married men posing as single men. Although I really scrutinize profiles and have numerous conversations with prospective dates, occasionally one gets past me--like last month. The man and I really hit it off and we went out a couple of times. Oh, and he called me every morning and afternoon (on week days); I couldn't ask for anyone more attentive. 

If it sounds too good to be true, there's a good chance it is. It didn't take long to spot the red flags. And true to my personality, I did have to play with the flags a bit. The first indicator was that he only called while in his car on his way to and from work. I decided to call him early in the morning and later in the evening. Guess what? He wouldn't answer then. He would call back 10 to 15 minutes later to tell me he was talking to one of his children. There again he had to take a drive to do that. His explanation was that he didn't have cell phone coverage where he lived. And no land line either. That's a little odd. But he knew I called. 

The next red flag has been he prefers to go out on Thursday nights. Well, for two weeks I made myself unavailable during the week--I had to test my theory. But, I told him I had Saturdays available. We made date plans, but both times he called and said he couldn't make it. The first time was because he had promised his granddaughter he would take her to a movie. He supposedly forget about that, but she reminded in only hours before our date. The next time he canceled because his son had just made a surprise visit from another state. Yeah right, yet he is always talking to his son on the phone--or so he says. I think son would have mentioned making an 8 hour trip to see him. 

It seems pretty obvious he has a wife at home, and he is "juggling". I guess I can easily spot this since I was once that wife on the other side. I'm just curious why I seem to have a knack for attracting married men. Are others running into this problem as well? In all fairness, it isn't just on POF. I've tried other sites and have run into this as well--yeah, even some of the up-scale ones too.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm on Match, and invariably I ask women that I am corresponding with, or dating, to tell me their worst online dating experience - and everybody has one. Many have a lot more than one ...

You start coming up with little 'rules of engagement'. For instance, I have learned my lesson (repeatedly) that I will not pursue correspondence with anyone that doesn't include a relatively recent full body shot photo. 

I can only assure you that the 'crap' cuts both ways. But I have yet to date the female equivalent of what you describe.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

There are lots of jerks like that, but there are nice guys, too. I met my boyfriend on *******.com. We now live together.  

Just listen to your gut, and be careful. I also found that for me, one thing that worked was to clearly state in my profile that "if you act shady, I will assume you are shady and cut you out of my life immediately".

I would recommend using *******, if you really want to use a dating site. I tried PoF myself, and was not impressed. ******* is completely free, and has oodles of room for filling in info about yourself, and has questions that can be answered to get even more of an idea of compatibility. My boyfriend had a profile that read more like a novel (but then again, mine wasn't exactly empty either), and it was one of the things that really drew me to him.


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Deejo said:


> , and invariably I ask women that I am corresponding with, or dating, to tell me their worst online dating experience - and everybody has one. Many have a lot more than one ...


That is an interesting idea. Does that give you more insight into who they really are? Apparently I have always screened my dates to the point, I really haven't had any bad dates. I have had incompatible dates, but no bad dates. Fortunately, I'm very open minded, educated, and have a very large list of interests. I can carry on a conversation with almost anyone. In addition, my dates all say I really put a person "at ease". And I have never had one person not want a second date. That's where things get tricky. I don't remember dating being that way in high school. 



Deejo said:


> You start coming up with little 'rules of engagement'. For instance, I have learned my lesson (repeatedly) that I will not pursue correspondence with anyone that doesn't include a relatively recent full body shot photo.


I agree completely with the photo rule. I also require a college education, but that is a big thing they lie about. My other requirement is that they can't be a "*******"--must have class. This is Alabama, so I know I am asking a lot on that one!



Deejo said:


> I can only assure you that the 'crap' cuts both ways. But I have yet to date the female equivalent of what you describe.


I was curios about that too. Are there a lot of married women on the dating sites pretending to be single? I read a lot of the threads under the the infidelity section and see this must be a problem with both sexes. Look at the number of people who come on here because they found their spouses' ads on the dating sites. I'm really started to wonder what the percentage of true single people are on the dating sites.


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

atruckersgirl said:


> My boyfriend had a profile that read more like a novel (but then again, mine wasn't exactly empty either), and it was one of the things that really drew me to him.


I rarely find one where a man writes a "novel". That would be awesome! My profiles are quite extensive as well. I have even gone as far as to tell some of those "hitting" on me their profiles don't give enough information. And that I honestly don't know if I'm interested or not. They seem confused by that statement.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Country Girl said:


> I rarely find one where a man writes a "novel". That would be awesome! My profiles are quite extensive as well. I have even gone as far as to tell some of those "hitting" on me their profiles don't give enough information. And that I honestly don't know if I'm interested or not. They seem confused by that statement.


hehe...well, I will admit my boyfriend is a rare find, which is why when I had the chance to make him mine, I took it. 

In all seriousness, though, that was one of my requirements as well, that their profile give me enough info to get a sense of who they *might* be. If there wasn't enough info, I'd tell them straight out "you need to fill in your profile more if you want to talk to me." My theory was that if they couldn't find the time to fill in some info about themselves in order to get a date with me, they either didn't have time to date me, or they wouldn't take the time needed to date me properly...neither of which were good options to me.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Hello there Country Girl, Cooper here, remember me? How are you these days? Hope you are feeling well and things are going good for you. Silly statement on my part I guess since your dating life obviously isn't going well! But whose is?? 

I think you're smart enough to see the red flags, sometimes it just takes a little longer than others, and sometimes we like someone enough to hope we're wrong, but we're usually not. One of the best connections I have made since being divorced was with a woman that turned out to be married, what a let down. I met her from ******* and she did a great job at first of being available but the timing of her calls and messages made me suspicious, and when I started pushing she admitted to being married but separated, then it changed to legally separated but still living together. We lived 45 miles apart so the distance made it a little easier for her to be deceitful. 

So the deceit is from both teams, I've kind of developed a two week rule with gals from the dating sites. In the beginning I was always in a hurry to meet but no longer, a couple weeks of messages seems to give time for the red flags to start flying. 

Here's the reason I came to this site tonight, I have a question to ask the ladies, I need to find out if you would be flattered or frightened. Last week I was at the eye doctors, in the waiting room I was sitting next to a nice looking lady and we exchanged some pleasantries. When she was leaving I noticed she didn't have a ring on and kicked myself for not noticing sooner and asking her for coffee. So here's my question...As I was making my next appointment I saw her name in the sign in book at the reception desk, she told me where she lived so if her number was listed I could have contacted her. What stopped me was I didn't want her to think I was some nut job stalker and from a professional viewpoint I didn't want something to reflect badly on the doctors office, like not protecting personnel info. I even thought about asking the receptionist to call and give the lady my number but again that wouldn't be professional.

So ladies, would it flatter or frighten you if a man tracked you down and asked you out? 

Thanks,
Cooper

PS....Country girl it's nice to see you're getting out and about, I know last year was hard on you, hope all else is well.


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Hi Cooper! It's nice you stopped by TAM. I thought you found "the one" and quit visiting this site. It never gets any easier, does it?

That's interesting you also connected with a married person. The percentage must be high on all the dating sites! Those of us who have had to live with a cheating spouse are extra careful anyway. I honestly wonder if I can ever fully trust another human being again--and all these fabulous married men parading themselves around as single men aren't helping to restore my confidence any.

That's a tough call on the situation with the lady you met. I hate to say this, but it could go either way--50/50 (thrilled or frightened). Me? I'd be okay with it, especially if we were having a great conversation in the doctor's office. But, then bizarre situations don't phase me one bit. This lady may not be that way. Did she happen to say where she worked? Or mention places she likes? You know her name and where she lives. Is it far from your place? I'm thinking it would be great if you could engineer another "chance" meeting. But, only if that can be done without stalking her. lol 

Months ago I tried to reply to one of your e-mails. It bounced back. I guess you change e-mail accounts. Hope you didn't think I was ignoring you. Stay in touch.


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

My Auburn Tigers won the ball game in OT. It was been a nice evening......time for an UPDATE on last Saturday night's situation.

The guy, as predicted, didn't even try to call me all day Sunday. Monday morning comes and the phone rings at 6:15--also predicted. I decide not to answer the call. He then calls several more times during the day. I didn't answer the phone. The same thing goes on Tuesday. Well, Wednesday morning rolls around and I decide to sweetly answer the phone. Oh, he has been worried about me and he misses me so much. Then, he ask if I'm mad at him. Of course, I tell him I'm not mad. However, I tell him I am concerned about him canceling two dates--always on Saturday evenings. That caught him off guard. I could tell he just got nailed and he didn't know what to say. He wanted to get off the phone then; but he said he would call back that afternoon and discuss it further. Yeah, right! He hasn't been heard from since! That's married man #3 I've busted. I wonder how many more are waiting in the wings  Some days I serious think I should notify their wives! But then I hate drama!


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Morning,

CG you sound way to polite, there would be no point in yelling at the guy but you should have told him it's obvious he's married (or living with someone). I always try and be polite as well but am getting better at calling a spade a spead. If you really want to have some fun send him a message apologizing for being distant lately and tell him you have a makeup surprise for him and will be waiting at his house when he gets home from work. Send him the text in the morning so it ruins his whole day, maybe petty but fun none the less. 

The woman from the doctors office did tell me where she worked but I don't remember the name of the business now, but do remember it was in Solon which is 30 minutes away. Another thing we talked about was exercising, we both run and walk and I talked about bicycling which she does occasionally. Next weekend I am doing a community bike ride sponsored by her home town Kiwanis club linked to their annual cider festival. She seemed interested in it and maybe she'll come sign up or at least come check it out. And if not I'll go walk around the cider festival and hope to run into her there. A "planned" "chance" meeting, maybe I am a stalker!

Cooper


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Cooper....when I was 17, I worked in a grocery store as a cashier. There was this guy who used to come through my checkout lane all the time, and finally one night, I got the courage to ask him for his id (he always bought cigarettes) and get his name from it. He bought milk that night. I stupidly asked him for his id anyway, he gave it to me, got his name, and looked him up in the phone book that night and called him. He thought it was very cool. 

This, of course, was 13-14 years ago. These days, although it seems easier to find out anything you want to know about someone, people are more suspicious. 

You saw her name on the sign in sheet...that's really not a matter of the office not protecting info, it's out there for everyone to see, and everyone knows that. If you really think there could be something there, I say go for it. I would only call once, especially if you get voicemail, and make clear that the office did not give you the info. Then leave it to her to get back to you if she wants. It might take her a few days. I know for me, if I got a call like that, I would hesitate, but then I probably would call him back if I liked him as well.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

For a girl/woman to track down a guy is a little different I think, heck most guys would get their rooster feathers all puffed out if a girl went to that effort! Maybe it's my manners but I just can't bring myself to go about that way, it seems to much of an invasion of privacy. I guess I had my chance but missed it.

Hey Country girl I'm sorry I hijacked your thread, bad internet manners on my part, I should have started my own. I apologize for my trespass. 

Back to the original question about married people and dating sites. I think most folks on the sites are single, but also think married people use the sites for hunting grounds or game playing. I also think many married people who would have never cheated on their spouse tempt themselves with "the grass is always greener" philosophy developed from using these sites. I have always felt the same way about strip clubs, a married man should never put himself in a position where he is lusting for a strange woman, how does that foster fidelity? Maybe many married people get on the sites because they're unhappy but it kind of makes it hard to work on your marriage when your spreading your energies in the wrong direction. Fix your marriage or end it before you start shopping for other options. 

Just my opinion,
Cooper


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I found my hubby on eharmony...I think some dating sites have more of the 'single married' guys on them than others. The one's that are cheaper or free so that they don't stand out on the Bank Statment


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Cooper, you are welcome to hijack my thread any time. Besides I was only venting. Seeking advice takes priority!




Cooper said:


> For a girl/woman to track down a guy is a little different I think, heck most guys would get their rooster feathers all puffed out if a girl went to that effort!


I had to laugh. Unfortunately this statement is so true. Women are very quick to call someone a pervert or accuse an admirer of stalking them.

Did you get the woman's first and last name? And you know which city she is in? I'm thinking it may be okay to look up her address and mail her a "hello" card. Tell her how much you enjoyed chatting with her at the doctor's office, etc. Tell her you would like to have coffee, or meet again--something very casual. Give her your phone number. If she is interested she will call you. And if not, well, you'll know. I've been doing a lot of reading on the "metaphysical" world lately. Therefore, if it's meant to be, the two of you will meet again--by some means.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Country girl you inspired me with the card idea, I think that's a great approach. Unfortunately I can't find a listing for her, I get a feeling I'm not remembering the spelling of her last name correctly, or she could be unlisted. Sometimes metaphysics say things aren't meant to be I guess. The bike ride/Cider festival is this weekend in her town, maybe she'll be there looking for me! (Ahh, I cracked myself up)

Thanks,
Cooper


----------



## hkim (Nov 25, 2010)

Based on my experienced for the past three months on meeting and dating man online. The question keeps running on my mind is "Is he married? How i can know if he is?" I have lot of things done : I check the profile of their facebook, myspace and many more but their profile says they are single. Then one day, as i search on the google i saw the marriage record, and i search it, then a found out that almost the man i dated is they are not married their are divorce. So in my experienced not all man who has the account on dating site is single but some of them are married. But i thank the dating site as will as the marriage record online because it really helps me to be sure that he is not married. I'm now two months married with a man i meet online dating. 

Very happy with him.


----------



## AdamWest (Jan 24, 2011)

Apparently over 30% of people on singles dating sites are married and lying about their status. They should go to sites set up specifically for them like Illicit Encounters and Marital Affair rather than polluting the pool for us singles.


----------



## Zammo (Aug 9, 2010)

Speaking as a guy who does the online dating thing (PoF and Match), I think that quite a few women are married and are using the online dating website - PoF in particular - as a way of getting attention and boosting their egos.

I say this because quite frequently a woman and I will exchange messages that indicate sincere interest and then they simply vanish or never respond positively to actually meeting in person.

I used to think that they just weren't that into me but the words of their messages - oh, such flattery! - and their actions regarding actually meeting made no sense.


----------



## coconut (Jan 31, 2011)

Don't be very pessimistic!!! I tried to date online and met my current boyfriend there. I'm originally from US but I moved to Denmark to be with him. We've been together for almost 2 years now. So don't lose hope. Maybe you should try other dating sites. BTW me and my boyfriend met on be2.


----------



## aalina387 (Feb 8, 2011)

*How to get a girl to like you*

I agree with your views that everyone not married.we have to think about so much things after all we have to spent our life with that person.I thought you found "the one" and quit visiting this site.


----------



## johnboy63 (May 2, 2011)

I have a profile on almost every online dating site and not a single legitimate hit, ever! I know I'm not ugly, lol. I guess at my age group you got to have washboard abs, play an instrument, and ride a motorcycle for a girl to be interested! <<== that was an actual response I got! I'm a nice guy looking for a nice girl. But nice guys finish last apparently.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My ex-husband used them to search for sex. His profile said he was "living with someone" when in fact he was married to him. Meh.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

johnboy63 said:


> I guess at my age group you got to have washboard abs, play an instrument, and ride a motorcycle for a girl to be interested! <<== that was an actual response


LOL. Well, I have seen about every guy on the dating sites posed with a motorcycle (complete with full biker wardrobe). Okay, I'm exaggerating....80 percent then. Yuck! It screams mid-life crisis! And reminds me so of the mess I'm getting out of. Fortunately not all of us females are into that. Remember to be yourself and hopefully the right match will come along.


----------



## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

Cooper said:


> Here's the reason I came to this site tonight, I have a question to ask the ladies, I need to find out if you would be flattered or frightened. Last week I was at the eye doctors, in the waiting room I was sitting next to a nice looking lady and we exchanged some pleasantries. When she was leaving I noticed she didn't have a ring on and kicked myself for not noticing sooner and asking her for coffee. So here's my question...As I was making my next appointment I saw her name in the sign in book at the reception desk, she told me where she lived so if her number was listed I could have contacted her. What stopped me was I didn't want her to think I was some nut job stalker and from a professional viewpoint I didn't want something to reflect badly on the doctors office, like not protecting personnel info. I even thought about asking the receptionist to call and give the lady my number but again that wouldn't be professional.
> 
> So ladies, would it flatter or frighten you if a man tracked you down and asked you out?
> 
> ...


Cooper - I'm very married and I would tell you that (I don't wear a ring as I'm common-law), but I would be flattered as heck. So, no, I would wonder a little but at the effort, but I would not be creeped out. My husband might be jealous...and maybe that would be a good thing!

last week a fellow I know a bit from work crossed the street to say hi when I was having coffee with a friend of his, and he kind of made some remarks and then looked to see if they would take. kind of confirmed the little dance of conversation that has been going on - made me smile all week, even if he is barking up the wrong tree. so sweet.


----------



## fatiguedfatherof4 (Apr 28, 2011)

Country Girl said:


> It has been awhile since I posted any of my dating adventures. The last man I dated was SINGLE (a rarity), but he was seriously hunting a wife. Well, to make a long story short.....that wasn't going to work out. So, out of frustration I decided to take a hiatus from the dating scene for months. If you want to read about frustration (& adventure) read the "Confused" thread. Anyway, I decided to chance the dating scene once again. And here I am venting tonight.
> 
> I honestly don't know why I have a profile on Plenty of Fish. I really think it has the most married men posing as single men. Although I really scrutinize profiles and have numerous conversations with prospective dates, occasionally one gets past me--like last month. The man and I really hit it off and we went out a couple of times. Oh, and he called me every morning and afternoon (on week days); I couldn't ask for anyone more attentive.
> 
> ...


Hopefully you arent having sex with these men THEN finding out they are married.... kinda backwards if thats the way its being done.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ LOL. True.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

OP, go ahead and ask the office to give her a call and see if she'd like your number. I wouldn't like someone "figuring out" how to contact me directly--a bit too creepy. But offering me the chance to contact him, through a safe intermediary, would be fine. I've done that as the "middle (wo)man" once or twice and none of my female friends has thought it odd. They appreciate that I didn't just give out their number. It puts in a layer of respect for a woman's security (especially if she has kids) that women appreciate and it does NOT sound "shy" or lacking in confidence.


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Kevin, the original poster has not been on TAM for over 5 years. This is called a zombie thread.


----------



## Kevin1q2 (Jul 20, 2016)

:surprise::surprise::surprise:


----------



## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

Jellybeans said:


> My ex-husband used them to search for sex. His profile said he was "living with someone" when in fact he was married to him. Meh.


He was married to him?


----------

