# I feel Free!



## Kay2015 (Jun 12, 2017)

Yesterday after 10 years together and 4 children my husband and i separated. Things werent good for a while and i knew they werent going to get any better, he flat out refused to even try. Yesterday i told him i was done, he didnt even fight to stay, he just started packing. Yesterday was full of tears, from me, from him and worst of all from our children. I thought maybe i was wrong, maybe this wasnt the best thing for our children. But i didnt say anything and he left.
After little to no sleep the kids and i got up, i kept them home with me to just hang out and recover from the shock of yesterdays news. we had a fantastic day, lots of love and laughter. The kids helped tidy up and with the washing. Now they are all sleeping and im sitting here feeling things i've never felt before.... I feel free, relaxed, happy (altho sad that my marriage and life of the last 10 years is over) I can feel the old me coming back already and i know this was best for us. My children need me to be the best mum i can and i wasnt that mum when i was with their dad, they need a mum who will take them for walk in the dry creek bed and help them dig up old glass bottles from many years ago. They are happiest when I am happy! 

But deep deep down i feel horrible, and worried. My husband took his things and left without knowing where he was going or what he was going to do, he has deleted his facebook account something i told him to keep me on so that we can share photos of the kids between. and he isnt answering his phone when the kids tried calling this morning and again tonight.
Im worried he has done something stupid or he has just walked away, never to see me or the kids again, it kills me to think he would do that do them after telling them he would call them and talk to them and come visit them. 
I dont know how else to contact him to make sure he is ok or to tell him to talk to his children.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Kay2015 said:


> Yesterday after 10 years together and 4 children my husband and i separated. Things werent good for a while and i knew they werent going to get any better, he flat out refused to even try. Yesterday i told him i was done, he didnt even fight to stay, he just started packing. Yesterday was full of tears, from me, from him and worst of all from our children. I thought maybe i was wrong, maybe this wasnt the best thing for our children. But i didnt say anything and he left.
> After little to no sleep the kids and i got up, i kept them home with me to just hang out and recover from the shock of yesterdays news. we had a fantastic day, lots of love and laughter. The kids helped tidy up and with the washing. Now they are all sleeping and im sitting here feeling things i've never felt before.... I feel free, relaxed, happy (altho sad that my marriage and life of the last 10 years is over) I can feel the old me coming back already and i know this was best for us. My children need me to be the best mum i can and i wasnt that mum when i was with their dad, they need a mum who will take them for walk in the dry creek bed and help them dig up old glass bottles from many years ago. They are happiest when I am happy!
> 
> But deep deep down i feel horrible, and worried. My husband took his things and left without knowing where he was going or what he was going to do, he has deleted his facebook account something i told him to keep me on so that we can share photos of the kids between. and he isnt answering his phone when the kids tried calling this morning and again tonight.
> ...


He is a grown man and can take care of himself, believe it or not. Its up to him how things turn out for him now. And I'm sure after he has a couple days to gather his thoughts he will get in contact with the kids. Just make sure you monitor that for a bit so you can be sure he isnt telling them horrible things. 

I completely relate to how you're feeling right now, and I'm glad your kids are doing well so far.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He probably needs a few days to recoup himself and settle his emotions, just give him some time. Are you in contact with his family/friends? Maybe you should let someone know what has happened. Give it time.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with @aine and @3Xnocharm. He is likely angry, upset, and is processing his emotions (or not). He may need a few days before he gets in touch with the kids. He likely isn't picking up the phone because he doesn't know if it's you or the kids calling, and you're the last person he wants to speak with right now. You'll need to find a way to explain to the kids that daddy loves them very much, and he just needs a little time because he's upset. Don't make them any promises about when he will call or how he will behave, though.

He is a grown man and he is responsible for his own actions. It is up to him to decide when he gets in touch with the kids, but as far as you are concerned, he may give you the silent treatment indefinitely. I'm sure he didn't like you telling him to keep you on his Facebook, which probably why he blocked you. (He didn't shut it down, he blocked you.) It is possible that he has just walked away... some men (and women) do that. It's a crappy thing to do, but the blame/responsibility for that rests solely with him. If that is what he chooses to do, that isn't your fault.

It is amazing, isn't it, the feeling of lightness you feel, now that he's left? It's like you've been carrying around this great weight on your shoulders for so long that you forgot it was there... until it was gone. I felt that way when my XH moved out. It's a wonderful feeling. It means that you've done the right thing. Don't forget this, because there will be moments of doubt in the coming months. Remember how you feel today, and WHY you feel this way. It's time to start planning your new life.


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