# Doesn't want the committment, but everything else.



## WWWTP? (Jul 15, 2012)

Here's the short version, which is still kind of long...the day before our 23rd anniversary she decides she has had enough with family, bills and the day to day grind that people deal with. She leaves, not telling me where she is going or her plans. Two days later I receive a call from a Psychiatric Hospital where she ended up, diagnosis was severe breakdown. When my son(21) and I went to visit it was almost as if she had no recollection of who we were. A week later she is out, not a lot better but she decides some time at the beach will be good for her to think. 90 days later she is back home on my insistence to work forward with this now that I have an understanding of what she has been going through. She comes back, later I find out it's because I wanted her to and not because she wanted to, had I known I never would have pushed it. 2 years goes by and things are far from perfect, no arguing or despair but obviously one of us wasn't the same. Things were really not going to improve from where they were and she decided she was leaving again. I am not sure why but I let her take anything she wanted and helped her get set up in her new place. She just wanted a quiet place without having to deal with the real world is what it appears. It has not been 16 months since she has been gone, I have not dated or looked to become romantically involved because I am not divorced and do not want anyone I date to have to deal with the uncertainty of my relationship. I don't think it's fair to anyone involved. We have not been uncivil at all, we have remained friends because of our history...we met in 1980, married in 1986; 2003 is when she left the first time. Two weeks after she left the second time we actually went to dinner for our 25th anniversary and even though we have been living apart we celebrated our 26th this April. As time went on we started seeing more of each other, dinner at each others house, dinner out, social events etc. I got rally confused that we were playing the married couple but just going home when we were done...didn't make much sense. She likes the idea of my company, and the lack of having to be committed to each other(neither has plans of seeing anyone else). She will not entertain the idea of a divorce, I am not sure why but I haven't been given a reason. She has always been the primary earner in our household, so needless to say that I am not covering everything and will eventually be left in financial ruin. That's not the worse thing but I am sure it could be the final blow. I have indicated to her that if she is waiting for everything to fail so that we have no further responsibilities such as debt, mortgage etc and think that all will be well she is mistaken. I think that is when anger will set in for being thrown into this situation. I am still in love with her, I love spending time as a couple but I am having trouble "dating" my wife with no indication where it will lead. I am 49 now, I don't think I want to be playing this game when I am 60, 70 or whatever...my therapist says "that woman has got to go, now" before your mental health puts you where she ended up. 

I welcome your thoughts. Has anyone else been here?
WW


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i'm sorry you're in this situation, but it sounds like your wife is a cake eater. she wants the benifits of having you, and of being single. i think the best thing you can do, is give her space, maybe even no contact for awhile and see what happens. as long as you keep giving her what she wants, she will not change or make a choice either way.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

WWWTP? said:


> She will not entertain the idea of a divorce, I am not sure why but I haven't been given a reason


It's simple she wants to cake eat. She gets all the benefits but none of the responsibilities. She's the breadwinner so she is now free to have a good time and let you fall into that financial ruin. Sorry but life doesn't work that way. I agree with your therapist that she needs to go.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Denial is not a river in Egypt

Listen to your therapist


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