# Am I being unfair?



## bcoden (Jun 28, 2009)

So my wife and I have been married 11 years in august, no kids just us and the dogs. Ok now that the formalities are out of the way here is the situation we are in right now. 

I have been feeling very lonely lately, my wife works shift work as well he job requires her to go away for weeks at a time leaving me at home even more lonely. Along with her going way she works with nothing but men who she seems to become good friends with really fast. For example, the last trip she went on she meet three guys that she hung out with all the time and when she came back she started to talk to all of them everyday via phone and text. One in particular near her age especially, well we got into a fight over a photo I found of her lying on a bed with these guys in their hotel room. It looked innocent to me but I was more upset about the fact that she did not tell me about this party they had. Well, when I get mad about her texting these people she says she does not care and that they are not doing anything wrong. Well, I have seen some of the emails and they are talking about things like my wife said she was taking off a layer of clothing and the guy she was chatting with said "yummy" well she explained that to me as that is just the way they are. She says she is just "being one of the guys". 

Another message I saw from a different guy was he commented on the way she looked at a party we were at. He said that she looked delicious and she commented back and said he looked palatable, this may be friendly banter but I am not sure I am comfortable with guys that I do not know saying these things to my wife and her relying back to them the way she did. 

On that same trip she told me about one of the guys the night they left tried to kiss her. She said that she did not think she did anything to make him think there was anything there. I feel like I am loosing trust in what she is saying and doing especially when she gave me half truths about what she was doing while she was away for a month and a half.

I am not sure if I am being unfair and saying I do not like the way she talks to these guys and they talk to her. She says I am because she cannot be herself, to me it seems more like her flirting with them than anything. 

This is just the beginning of our issues but I am looking to see different sides of this issue at this time.

Thanks


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## BadKarma (Jun 27, 2009)

That situation would drive me nuts.

Besides this issue, what is the rest of your releation ship like when you are together?


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Bless your heart. You are so not being unfair. She is your wife. She should have a little more respect for you and for herself. Men in groups will sometimes get a little out of hand...well so will women in groups. I doubt she would love it if you went off with a group of women and said one of them looked delicious. I work with a lot of men...and I do not carry on that way, because it doesn't take much to get something started...and to get a rep. And to me...being just one of the guys ...wouldn't consist of calling each other yummy. Call me crazy. Dont know what to tell you to do about it....and sorry that you are facing this. It would hurt me too. Take care and good luck. Hope someone else has some helpful advice.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

She isn't in the Air or Army National Guard is she??:rofl:
Sounds like what goes on with drills and two week deployments, etc.

NO you are not being unfair! 

Your wife isn't acting married if you ask me! Sexual innuendo and flirting behaviors are getting a bit out of hand from my perspective. She is boosting her ego with these guys, and it is going to get out of control, and she is going to screw up if she hasn't already. 

If she is making you uncomfortable and she blows off your concerns, I'd be checking things out much deeper and more frequently. 

Laying on a bed....innocent? Right, :rofl: it may _look_ innocent, but then again so do puppies that have peed the carpet.


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## bcoden (Jun 28, 2009)

Well, we are also facing intimacy issues. She is always tired and I can understand with the hours she works. But I think it has more to do with that but she is always putting herself down. She is very attractive not overweight at all. I have never implied to her that she in not attractive in fact I make comments all the time and she always rejects them. So I get very frustrated because what I say means nothing to her. 

As for conversation ect, its all about her work when I try to bring up something I am interested in she looks bored and seems like she does not care.

As well, lately we have been discussing children and she says that right now her career is more important. I have given her 10+ years to have a career and she has done awesome. Unfortunately she is at a point where she has to decide if she is going to have kids or a career and I can tell she is choosing a career which I can relate to. 

Just seems like I am compromising allot more than she is willing to. I have told I am willing to stay home with the kids as I have job that will allow me to do that. But she says that she will never be able to see the child with her job as well she is the one that has to carry it, which is true. Basically, its a point where she may just have child for the fact to have one and then resent that decision. We have discovered that allot of it comes down to me not feeling like we have a family. The last time I have spent a holiday with my wife was 6 hours of Christmas last year and then she had to work so I spent the rest of the time alone which most holidays I do. 

I am feeling more guilty about feeling this way as I understand how hard it is for her to be a female in the profession she is in. But she forgetting that she is also a wife and I feel myself being pushed away.

Just seems like we have become I have become just another one of her buddies at work. That hurts me allot as it's going to basically be up to me on what I want to do with this marriage. I would do anything for her but if she is not willing to compensate with me on things I am in a loosing battle. 

We have decided that we are going to see a counselor which is good but I am afraid that I may already know the outcome.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Wish I'd have had a dh who was willing to stay home and let my career soar....

But, I think you should work on this with the counselor as marriage and kids are a compromise and since she is the one with the equipment...?

Also, am wondering why she is off sex with you....danger in that.


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## bcoden (Jun 28, 2009)

I am not sure on the intimacy thing she says she just does not feel like it she says she does not feel sexy. Again its not me feeding this to her its her own idea on how she looks. 

As for kids I agree, but at this time its going to be even tougher to add any kids to the equation as we need to be ok before we can bring another life into the equation.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

she is cheating on you


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Stop being milquetoast...she is skeezing up and down the road, take your head out of the proverbial sand and have a look at what's going on.

You're making excuses for her...go get your set out of the drawer and put them back on, stop feeling sorry for yourself because you're lonely and lay the smack down on her.

Unacceptable behavior to say the least and by letting it continue, you're setting yourself up for more and more and then some.

Preacher


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I won't go as far as she is cheating on you...

But ask her, If you were out of town for a few weeks with three goodlooking woman and they called you and text you afterwards and she found a picture of you with these three women on a bed....how would she feel?

I think you both really need to discuss your marriage here, sounds like she doesn't want to ahve children, if so and you really want children, I would get a divorce and find a woman that you share that with, before you are to old.

My wife has a great career and we have three children, you can have both, having children does not interfere with a career anymore if your a good employee they will keep you no matter. My wife almost left her company because another company wanted her, her company threw a HUGE bonus at her to stay, even with three children.


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

Unless she works with gay men then there's nothing toworry about. Do not bring children into this situation. She is playing you big time.

You should get out there and get a life, see how she feels about that.


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