# at odds over pets



## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

My long time girlfriend and I have been together almost 2 years, and we love each other very much.

However, there is a constant source of tension, the pets. She has 2 dogs that she loves to death, as do I. However, we disagree on how to care for them properly, within the confines of our relationship.

We live in southern california, about 15-20 minutes from the beach. We have a decent sized yard, and it's always 70-80 degrees out. However, despite this beautiful weather, she freaks out whenever I let the dogs out for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. 

The dogs are absolutely spoiled rotten. They have their own doggie beds, they have their own sofas to lay on all day, and they have their own temperpedic bed to sleep on at night, with an open window with a cool breeze. They get the best dog food, including organic chicken that we bake once a week. 

However, I feel that things have gotten a little out of hand where we are living at the whims of the dogs, instead of treating them like pets and we the owners.

For instance, my GF has a hard time sleeping. When we sleep together I massage her back and she falls asleep. The dogs wake her and me up regularly in the middle of the night, because they sleep all day and want to get up early in the morning to be fed. We feed the dogs twice a day, once when we get up, and once in the evenings. 

The dogs are eager to eat, so they get up earlier and earlier, and scratch at our door wanting to get us up and eat. However we are suffering from lack of quality sleep. So I suggested to my GF that we'd feed the dog much later in the day, instead of first thing in the morning, so they don't associate waking up with eating. 

My GF became pretty upset about feeding the dogs late, even though they are so spoiled and we live our lives around their schedule. I feel like this is not reasonable. We feed the dogs great food, but it shouldn't be such a chore to try to get some sleep and living around the dogs' schedule.

I grew up with dogs, and they were always outside / backyard dogs. These dogs do nothing but lay in the bed or sofas all day, doing nothing but waiting for their next meal. I feel this is not healthy. My GF thinks it's cruel to have them outside, in a part of the world where we have the best weather for any human being, never mind dogs... My mind is kind of blown with that concept.

I don't know... we get into arguments over what's reasonable for the dogs... and I tell her that she's my biggest priority, not the dogs... she doesn't get it. She acts like I'm abusing the dogs, when I want to keep them outside longer, or feed them later in the day....

I'm kind of rambling here, but has anyone else dealt with girls who are so "in love" with their pets, and treat them better than people? I'm a dog lover, but I think this is kind of nuts. 

Looking for some advice / tips / thoughts there.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening justaguy123
I am very much an animal lover and we spoil our pets - but.... you can't let pets rule your lives. It is not abuse to expect pets to fed on a regular schedule rather than when they happen to feel like it. I also think you are right that dogs should spend some time outdoors. As long as there is shade and water available they should be fine outside (and actually happier) for hours at a time.

I don't have a solution for you.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

Thank you. Women can be extremely emotional and bond to animals and treat them like little babies... I understand that... but I'm at a loss here.

The dogs won't be around forever, so she should look at our relationship as the primary concern. However she looks at it backwards - saying the dogs won't live long, so why not make their lives as comfortable as possible?

I actually think it's kind of abusive to keep these dogs inside all day, doing nothing but laying on their beds / sofas all day waiting for food. They are so spoiled now that when they go out, they come back right to the door looking pathetic and waiting to be let in, instead of enjoying the beautiful outdoors and the fresh air.

I don't know...how to amicably resolve this.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

Frigging great, articles online like this promote that dogs should never be outside, without you... Does Your Pet Belong Indoors or Outdoors? - Pet Health Center - Everyday Health

This could be where my GF is getting some of her ideas from... imagine if you had a human child, and always kept it inside, never letting it outside of the home more than 10-15 minutes at a time... shocking.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Dogs are social pack animals and it is cruel to cut them out of your daily lives by keeping them outside. They are part of your family, your pack and they want to be with you. Depending on how old they are, they could become quite destructive if they grown accustomed to being with you so frequently and then are denied that. It's like excommunicating them. As long as they are getting adequate exercise, they don't need to spend time outside. Besides, a dog outside on it's own, or with another dog isn't going to exercise itself. They usually sleep in a shady spot, or they get into trouble digging holes, barking at neighbors, chewing up patio furniture, barking at the door...

Dogs need routine and they need rules. You teach them routines and rules by not making exceptions to the routines you establish for them, not the routines they establish for you.

You are right, do not feed them as soon as you wake up. Ever! This teaches them that as soon as you get up they expect food. I always vary the breakfast time because I treasure my lazy mornings! However, they never get dinner until our dinner is completed. So they know when we get up and start clearing the table, they will be fed.

Keep slippers by the bed and when they scratch to wake you up, toss a slipper at the door and tell them NO! And keep repeating that until they have been quiet for 15 minutes. THEN you can get out if bed, go to the bathroom and open the door. But don't feed them until after you've had coffee and they've been out.

There is nothing wrong with your dogs having their own beds, if that's where you want to spend your money go for it. 

Your GF just needs to understand that she should not allow the dogs to dictate her schedule. Obviously they need to be let out regularly and on schedule, and it's oak for them to bother you if they need to go out. BUT never because they want food.

My dogs are older and sometimes get the runs and that is the ONLY time they ever make noise at my closed bedroom door.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

justaguy123 said:


> Thank you. Women can be extremely emotional and bond to animals and treat them like little babies... I understand that... but I'm at a loss here.
> 
> *The dogs won't be around forever, so she should look at our relationship as the primary concern. *However she looks at it backwards - saying the dogs won't live long, so why not make their lives as comfortable as possible?
> 
> ...


How much of the bolded part should be explained in greater detail? Do you feel like your GF puts more effort into caring for the dogs than she does you? You need to be honest here because this could be a make or break relationship issue if you're not honest about what you need from her.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> How much of the bolded part should be explained in greater detail? Do you feel like your GF puts more effort into caring for the dogs than she does you? You need to be honest here because this could be a make or break relationship issue if you're not honest about what you need from her.


This is a loaded question.

I perceive that she does value our relationship very much, but feels guilty for the fact that sometimes our relationship takes precedence over catering to the dog night and day. So she becomes unhappy when I try to change the dogs' schedule to accommodate our lives instead of the other way around.

In other words, there's not a really simple answer. I do feel that she understands that we need to be happy together, but still feels guilty (that women's emotional attachment) when the dogs aren't getting what she thinks they deserve.

She projects human emotions onto the dogs, which I have such a hard time with. I tell her the dogs are not human, and we should treat them like loving animals, not people.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I am a huge animal lover, as is my BF. We have three dogs, 3 cats, umpteem chickens, and 4 horses. 

But I also have a realistic expectation of what a pet is. 

When I was younger, I had a dog who was my EVERYTHING. Then I got pregnant. As soon as that baby was born, I looked at my dog for the first time as a DOG. I assume your GF probably sees these dogs as her children much like I did before I had a REAL child. (I am NOT suggesting having a child! LOL!)

Honestly, the only way to change the way you treat the dogs is to change the way YOU treat the dogs, and ignore her protests. You cannot change her views on it and if she won't, then she wont. You don't have to be ill about it, but jump in and start treating them like they are yours, not just hers. You two live together, so they are yours too. If you feel like they need more exercise, take them on a walk. I don't know a single dog that doens't love a walk. Invite the GF to come, but go anyway even if she doesn't. At the very least, the difference in treatment will impact how they see and act around you.

Animals are smart. Two of our dogs listen to everything my BF tells them to do, but they don't really listen well to me. The other one listens very well to me and ignores him. We both have different ways of treating them. Some of the things I do, he has adopted and visa versa.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, I want you to close your eyes for few minuets and imagine that these pets are actual children. 

Then think about what kind of people they will become upon being spoiled like that.

Then you need to think about how much WORSE the spoiling will be due to the fact that they are humans.

After that you really need to think about if she is the kind of person you really want to live with/have kids with for the rest of your life.

Personally, I'm not a pet lover but I have seen plenty of people that "love" their pets and spoil them to no end. 

You see, the problem is, spoiling ANYTHING is bad BAD news and something that needs to be addressed right away.

It's probably one of the worst and most dangerous behaviors a parent/owner can have. If you have kids with this woman be prepared for an extremely hard parenthood.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What breeds and size are these dogs?

Most dogs sleep about 14 hours a day. The giant breeds sleep about 18 hours a day.

Sleeping on dog beds does not spoil dogs. They would have to have an understanding of material value for this.

Get a dog door and let the dogs go in and out when they want. A dog will want to sleep in their cave most of the day. You house is the cave. 

I have 3 large bread dogs. They have a dog door and go out to play, etc on their own time table. We have about an acre. They go out run, wrestle, make sure the skunks stay away, etc when they want to. But they are in the house sleeping most if the time. My newfoundander prefers sleeping in the shower. It dark, quite and wet...a newfie heaven.

Does anyone ever take your dogs for a walk. 

You do need to set strict human sleep hours. Letting the dogs wake you is spoiling them. If your wife wants to get up to feed them, let her. You stay in bed. Or get a feederth that disperses food at a set time. Let the feeder train them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

The dogs are medium size mutts, about 30-40 pounds each. Definitely not petite dogs to sleep indoors all day. We walk the dogs several times per week. The dogs get more exercise than the average American, which is not saying much, but still.

I'm against the idea of doggie door. My parents had a doggie door and got robbed through the insecure doggie door.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I'm not cool with doggie doors either, but I am a huge fan of free feeding. It's hard to switch a dog over to that though if they bolt at feeding times.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

We have 3 dogs a large 75lbs mutt, a 35lbs pure bred, & a 15lbs pure bred. I love my dogs but they are dogs & get treated as such. Once I became a mom I had to learn some "shortcut ways" to make my life easier now that I have a child. One thing I bought was a dog feeder/waterer. The kind that you put 5lbs of dog food in it & your dogs can free feed. My dogs adjusted well to that & they do not over eat. I also bought one of those 5 gallon waterers so they have water available all the time & I am not filling up bowls so often. My dogs never scratch at my bedroom door, they know better.

Your GF seems to be taking this dog ownership to another level. You are not abusing the dogs if you feed them later & getting up when they scratch on your bedroom door reinforces their behavior. I would crate them at night, they can sleep on their comfy bed inside the crate. That way, you can assure yourself that the dogs will not scratch at your door.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

At the end of the day, how do you deal with the over-nuturing / emotional side of a woman who gets too attached to an animal or animals and let that hurt a relationship?

I think it's wonderful that women are so nurturing and loving, but there should be a balance and reason to all of this.

Surely I can't be the first man in history to deal with this?


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

JustTired said:


> We have 3 dogs a large 75lbs mutt, a 35lbs pure bred, & a 15lbs pure bred. I love my dogs but they are dogs & get treated as such. Once I became a mom I had to learn some "shortcut ways" to make my life easier now that I have a child. One thing I bought was a dog feeder/waterer. The kind that you put 5lbs of dog food in it & your dogs can free feed. My dogs adjusted well to that & they do not over eat. I also bought one of those 5 gallon waterers so they have water available all the time & I am not filling up bowls so often. My dogs never scratch at my bedroom door, they know better.
> 
> Your GF seems to be taking this dog ownership to another level. You are not abusing the dogs if you feed them later & getting up when they scratch on your bedroom door reinforces their behavior. I would crate them at night, they can sleep on their comfy bed inside the crate. That way, you can assure yourself that the dogs will not scratch at your door.


LOL I love your post (and agree fully!!), and may I say that if I even suggest crating the dogs at night, that I would be the one who ends up in the crate? :redcard:

Also, regular dog food is not good enough. We have to give them special organic baked chicken and real salmon on top of specialized dog food...no way to automate that sadly. These dogs eat better than a lot of people I know... spoiled, yes, to a T


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

DoF said:


> OP, I want you to close your eyes for few minuets and imagine that these pets are actual children.
> 
> Then think about what kind of people they will become upon being spoiled like that.
> 
> ...


You need to pay close attention to this, OP. If you don't feel like your girlfriend is meeting your needs now because of pets, it is likely to get worse with children.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

justaguy123 said:


> LOL I love your post (and agree fully!!), and may I say that if I even suggest crating the dogs at night, that I would be the one who ends up in the crate? :redcard:
> 
> Also, regular dog food is not good enough. We have to give them special organic baked chicken and real salmon on top of specialized dog food...no way to automate that sadly. These dogs eat better than a lot of people I know... spoiled, yes, to a T


MY 35lbs dog & my 15lbs dog are both retired show dogs. They are both now old & just chillax. But when I was active in competing with them I fed my dogs raw (raw meat & bones also knows as the B.A.R.F. diet). My dogs ate better than most humans as well. I no longer feed them raw & now feed them a decent brand of dry dog food. I'm no longer competing with my dogs since they have attained their championships (plus they are old - 11 years old to be exact), so no need in the extra expense.

Your GF is putting more emphasis on the dogs than her own relationship with you. I wouldn't blame you if you felt resentful of the dogs, I sure as hell would. She has to learn to give a little. It sounds like she uses the "dog abuse" guise as a way to manipulate you & get you to comply with her fabricated doggy demands. It's ridiculous, actually...


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

inquizitivemind said:


> You need to pay close attention to this, OP. If you don't feel like your girlfriend is meeting your needs now because of pets, it is likely to get worse with children.


The good news is that we both agreed we do not want to have children. We have enough nieces / nephews to spoil so we won't burden the earth with our own kids.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

JustTired said:


> MY 35lbs dog & my 15lbs dog are both retired show dogs. They are both now old & just chillax. But when I was active in competing with them I fed my dogs raw (raw meat & bones also knows as the B.A.R.F. diet). My dogs ate better than most humans as well. I no longer feed them raw & now feed them a decent brand of dry dog food. I'm no longer competing with my dogs since they have attained their championships (plus they are old - 11 years old to be exact), so no need in the extra expense.
> 
> Your GF is putting more emphasis on the dogs than her own relationship with you. I wouldn't blame you if you felt resentful of the dogs, I sure as hell would. She has to learn to give a little. It sounds like she uses the "dog abuse" guise as a way to manipulate you & get you to comply with her fabricated doggy demands. It's ridiculous, actually...


Thank you, I definitely feel this way at times, especially after we have a disagreement.

I'd like to find a way to help us deal with it in a healthy manner. She's so attached to the dogs it's not funny.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

The "nurturing animals" to the point of crazy town (which may or may not be the case) is actually common with people who have other mental or personality issues. Borderline Personality, Hoarding, Asbergers.....is she otherwise a "normal" gal?


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Or it could be that she is just VERY emotionally dependant and insecure?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

justaguy123 said:


> Thank you, I definitely feel this way at times, especially after we have a disagreement.
> 
> I'd like to find a way to help us deal with it in a healthy manner. She's so attached to the dogs it's not funny.


Until your GF gives a little you will not find a resolution. She has to be willing to compromise. I love my dogs, but the humans in my household come first. Period...


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> The "nurturing animals" to the point of crazy town (which may or may not be the case) is actually common with people who have other mental or personality issues. Borderline Personality, Hoarding, Asbergers.....is she otherwise a "normal" gal?


No, I'd say she's normally just fine. I know a lot of people who obsess over animals, and she falls in that group.

I do love animals, but I do think people who put animals above humans are clearly not sane. But most of us are crazy in our own little ways, I'm sure.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

LOL, too true. And glad to hear she is otherwise normal. How old are you guys? Did I miss that?

Aside from my old mutt (who, by the way loved my baby and I kept him till his ripe old age of 15 when he had to be put to sleep,) I have had a stronger attachment to animals in the past. Just living life.....dealing with LOTS of loss, growing up......helped me put things into perspective. Maybe its a good thing that her life is so secure, the biggest thing she worries over is a couple of mutts.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

We're in our 30's. We both have very busy careers so thus no kids, and no plans for kids because we'd rather focus on our careers and each other.

So everything's peachy except the dog issue. I have grown up all my life with dogs, and have never ever thought I'd have to face this issue. But only until I meet someone else who is even more obsessed than I am with dogs do I find myself on the other side of the coin.


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## Bridge (Dec 27, 2013)

We live in Southern California, a few minutes from the beach too. The weather is great. Nobody is going to overheat outside after 10 minutes. I even sometimes jog the dogs at noon.

My first question is, whose dogs are these and who pays for them? If they're her dogs and her money I think the food and couches are no big deal.. as long as she can really afford the food, and she keeps the couches clean, so they don't stink.

My other questions are, what kind of training do these dogs have? What exercise do they get? If you can, just step up and start doing more with the dogs.

Maybe you can give them more walks, hikes, bike rides... whatever you enjoy. Then do more positive reinforcement training with them to start teaching them some really neat, special tricks. 15-20 minutes of this kind of training a day can be really mentally draining. I know doing an intense session knocks my dog out like a tranquilizer. And it's useful because you can teach them to get out, go to a different room, settle on their mats, whatever. My dog begs for food by running to his bed and sitting quietly because this is the behavior I've rewarded.

Then if they get more stimulation during the day they'll let you sleep a little more in the morning. IMO a dog is only truly spoiled when you have to drag them out of bed in the morning.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

An update: I had a serious sit-down heart to heart chat with my GF about this, and how much certain aspects of this bothers me. I explained I was ready to end our relationship if this aspect does not improve.

After an hour discussion, I think it became clear to her how unhealthy some of this obsession / "spoiling" was, and she promised to do better.

Today I changed the dog's feeding schedule per our discussion, and there was not a peep from her. So things seems to have improved quite a bit. The dogs didn't even mind it one bit, they were relaxed and content to wait!

I appreciate the feedback on what is sensible and reasonable, it helped a lot to ground the conversation.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Just out of curiosity what is her age? Is she nearing thirty? I know with my x wife that's when the, I better have a kid and soon hormones kicked into high gear. I came home one day to find her standing in the kitchen holding our 45 lbs golden retriever like a baby and carrying it around. I was confused and you should have seen the dogs face.

Just a thought cause that's when it all started on wanting kids for us


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

LOL my GF is mid-30's. She's pretty clear on not wanting kids. She came from a huge family and has enough nephews and nieces to last her a lifetime! Almost every weekend there's a birthday party or some kids thing going on, very exhausting.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Bwahahaha! Carrying around the Golden like a baby. GREAT mental image there! Poor dog. LOL!

Good update, OP! I hope that you two continue to work things out!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justaguy123 said:


> An update: I had a serious sit-down heart to heart chat with my GF about this, and how much certain aspects of this bothers me. I explained I was ready to end our relationship if this aspect does not improve.
> 
> After an hour discussion, I think it became clear to her how unhealthy some of this obsession / "spoiling" was, and she promised to do better.
> 
> ...


That is great, sounds like you have yourself a good/considerate woman on your hands.

It's all about communication!!! Good work and I hope things will change for the better.

You should CERTAINLY be on top of your wife's priority list....BY FAR.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

DoF said:


> That is great, sounds like you have yourself a good/considerate woman on your hands.
> 
> It's all about communication!!! Good work and I hope things will change for the better.
> 
> You should CERTAINLY be on top of your wife's priority list....BY FAR.


Amen. My GF is kind of a spoiled brat, she's quite attractive and has crapped on all kinds of men in the past (weak minded individuals who would do anything to please her).

Our come-to-Jesus moment last night let her know that I was not that type of man, that I need her to put my priorities and our relationship above all else, or it was not going to work. I was very firm and strong on this. I think it took her aback and speechless, and after careful thought about the fact that I would walk, she decided what was best and change for the better.

She asked me again this morning if I was leaving, and I told her no, and that I loved her very much. She definitely went from a place of complacency to a vulnerable stage where she is afraid to lose me. It helps to keep a woman on her toes every once in a while to make sure the relationship is the highest priority.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justaguy123 said:


> Amen. My GF is kind of a spoiled brat, she's quite attractive and has crapped on all kinds of men in the past (weak minded individuals who would do anything to please her).
> 
> Our come-to-Jesus moment last night let her know that I was not that type of man, that I need her to put my priorities and our relationship above all else, or it was not going to work. I was very firm and strong on this. I think it took her aback and speechless, and after careful thought about the fact that I would walk, she decided what was best and change for the better.
> 
> She asked me again this morning if I was leaving, and I told her no, and that I loved her very much. She definitely went from a place of complacency to a vulnerable stage where she is afraid to lose me. It helps to keep a woman on her toes every once in a while to make sure the relationship is the highest priority.


All good stuff.

She will love you more for what you did too. 

These are the sort of things that make or break relationships. It breaks them when one is completely blind and inconsiderate.

Clearly, your wife is someone you can work with and is willing to accept faults/change etc. That is a great sign for your relationship/marriage.

Ability to listen, change and adjust is what keeps MOST marriages going. Inability to do so, breaks them apart.

Your wife would not respect you and would eventually lose love for you if you just become a complete push over. We see it on these forums ALL the time.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

justaguy123 said:


> Amen. My GF is kind of a spoiled brat, she's quite attractive and has crapped on all kinds of men in the past (weak minded individuals who would do anything to please her).
> 
> Our come-to-Jesus moment last night let her know that I was not that type of man, that I need her to put my priorities and our relationship above all else, or it was not going to work. I was very firm and strong on this. I think it took her aback and speechless, and after careful thought about the fact that I would walk, she decided what was best and change for the better.
> 
> She asked me again this morning if I was leaving, and I told her no, and that I loved her very much.  She definitely went from a place of complacency to a vulnerable stage where she is afraid to lose me. It helps to keep a woman on her toes every once in a while to make sure the relationship is the highest priority.


I don't know, I don't think this will be as successful as you think OP, not long term anyway. 

Hubby and I have 3 dogs, 3 cats, a rabbit and 2 turtles. The dogs and cats came with me when I moved in with him. He already had the turtles, bunny came later. 

Let me be clear that I adore my husband and he is always my first priority. However, if he'd said to me what you said to your GF when we were dating, I would have said "bye bye". I wonder if you even like your gf. Your first paragraph in your last post is pretty nasty.

Maybe the two of you just aren't compatible. I dote on our pets. They are spoilt, even bunny has a teeny tiny jumper  Hubby thinks it's all quite amusing but he never gets angry or says anything nasty to me because he loves me.


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## justaguy123 (Aug 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I don't know, I don't think this will be as successful as you think OP, not long term anyway.
> 
> Hubby and I have 3 dogs, 3 cats, a rabbit and 2 turtles. The dogs and cats came with me when I moved in with him. He already had the turtles, bunny came later.
> 
> ...


Clearly you and my GF are two totally different people. If you were my GF, yes we would have parted ways.

We are quite compatible, having been happily together for 2 years, with the exception of minor issues here and there. I'm not concerned. I've dated plenty, as has she, and we both know that we are quite a good catch for each other.

If it doesn't work out, oh well, but we both are smart enough to realize what's most important here. 

In terms nasty... well sometimes a person needs to wake up and look at things from a realistic perspective. It is not reasonable to be such a worry wort or a complete nut to let animals rule your life, not unless you're rich and anti-social and plan to leave your estate to your cats, like some have...


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

just be glad she is not a cat lady!
:rofl:

lets say you got married and had kids? OMG, would she totally go over into la la land?

You might carefully evaluate if you want to spend the rest of your life with her. She sounds a little out there.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Personally, I can admit that I have had the kinda spoiled role in the past. And I'm not saying that lightly.....honestly I didn't realize I WAS kinda spoiled. My EX didn't put his foot down concerning his boundaries. (Until he blew over nonsense, but that's a different issue.) And I was young, and dealt with non-clinical depression. And he didn't care enough to help me through it.

My current BF doesn't put up with "spoiled." But he loves to spoil me......providing I meet his needs as well. As it should be. I am in a MUCH happier relationship now.

Open communication, reasonable BOUNDARIES, and clear expectations are MUCH better in a relationship than not letting someone know how you feel, allowing someone to do what they want in the guise of "trying to make them happy," and not setting deal breakers.


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