# Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!



## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

So four months ago was D-day. I caught my wife cheating with a looser, who had me thrown in jail on d day for threatening him. Me and the wife have been slowly working out our problems, and i believe she has finally told all the truth. Her affair was an EA and PA that lasted for 3-4 months. She says they had sex about 8 times in my house, and he was over every time I was at work. I work with an ambulance, and during the affair I was on mandatory OT, working 72 hrs. with 72 hrs off.
During the affair we had our 10 year marriage anniversary, and that has added to how painful the affair really was.
So...now things are going better, but what is weird is, that my wife is now trying to hook me up with one of her married friends who's husband won't have sex with her. I'm not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to hurt another like I've been hurt. She is even offering up a threesome with her. The offer is appealing, as her friend is down for it, but like I said, I don't want him to hurt like me.
Also, this affair she says was more emotional than physical, but after this, I'm not sure. Is it common after an affair for your spouse to be more sexual? How often in an affair is sex more rewarding or better? She says I'm a better lover, and has no complaints, but before the affair, she would have never considered this. I don't think she'd tell the truth about how sexually charged the affair was, or if she was more satisfied with him than me. She says she's more sexual because she's no longer angry at me, and has let go of a lot. 
So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do???:scratchhead: This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!


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## confused59 (Jun 28, 2011)

I think in a nut shell, it will validate her cheating if you do it...


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## whammy (Apr 22, 2011)

ltjohn said:


> So four months ago was D-day. I caught my wife cheating with a looser, who had me thrown in jail on d day for threatening him. Me and the wife have been slowly working out our problems, and i believe she has finally told all the truth. Her affair was an EA and PA that lasted for 3-4 months. She says they had sex about 8 times in my house, and he was over every time I was at work. I work with an ambulance, and during the affair I was on mandatory OT, working 72 hrs. with 72 hrs off.
> During the affair we had our 10 year marriage anniversary, and that has added to how painful the affair really was.
> So...now things are going better, but what is weird is, that my wife is now trying to hook me up with one of her married friends who's husband won't have sex with her. I'm not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to hurt another like I've been hurt. She is even offering up a threesome with her. The offer is appealing, as her friend is down for it, but like I said, I don't want him to hurt like me.
> Also, this affair she says was more emotional than physical, but after this, I'm not sure. Is it common after an affair for your spouse to be more sexual? How often in an affair is sex more rewarding or better? She says I'm a better lover, and has no complaints, but before the affair, she would have never considered this. I don't think she'd tell the truth about how sexually charged the affair was, or if she was more satisfied with him than me. She says she's more sexual because she's no longer angry at me, and has let go of a lot.
> So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do???:scratchhead: This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!


your wife made the choice that would possibly ruin her life as she knows it, ruin your relationship, and hurt you as much as she possibly can... on purpose ... for a loser! whats that say about your wife? If you go through with this disgusting 3 some (3 somes are awesome but in this situation its gross) and knowingly and willingly participate in an affair that would hurt her husband then you are no better then your loser wife and you guys are perfect for each other. If I was you... well I wouldnt be in this situation because I would have washed my hands of her the minute I found out she cheated...

personally, I dont think you should be saying "my wife cheated on me with a loser". I think you should be saying "I married a loser and I should have left a loooong time ago"


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

She's trying to even the score. She feels that since she got the chance to have an affair with another man, that it is only fair that you should have a chance to have affair with another woman in order for you to emotionally move on from her affair.

She said that her affair was mostly emotional rather than physical and in a way it makes sense because most women often cheat more for the emotional connection than for the physical one. She probably realizes that the PA part of her affair is the sticking point for you and she's trying to offer you a chance to sexually enjoy another woman.

But let's say that you talked to the woman's husband about whether it would be okay for him if you had sex with his wife and he said "go for it" and you did - which I seriously doubt would happen anyway. The problem may arise in that his wife may end up falling in love with you after a couple of sex sessions. She may even want to replace your wife and become your new woman. Don't think this can happen? Then read this thread from a woman regarding 3somes titled are they in the beginning of EA?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Walk away from this and seriously question your wife's commitment to your marriage.

You are being played for a fool .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Do. Not. Do. It. You have to be the bigger person and tell her you're not interested


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I told my SO the same thing. He said he would never do it, two wrongs don't make a right. He ultimately did it anyway. Now we are still together but, all his A did was make a horrible situation worse. We are still together though. A work in progress. 

She is testing you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

I'm agreeing with folks here. Settling the score by having you score with her friend only makes the slope that much more slippery. If she brings it up again, perhaps mention that you'll call the husband and see if he's 'down' with it. 

Maybe that'll shake her up a bit and you can see what she's really trying to do.

Keep strong.


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## searcher (Jul 22, 2011)

Dude, this girl is trying to make HERSELF feel better. By dragging you into something way more effed up, her indiscretions won't seem as bad. The whole situation should be avoided. Pidge70 is right. She's testing you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If it were me I'd tell her to hire someone to start her car in the morning just to be sure.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

ltjohn said:


> So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do???:scratchhead: This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!


Just with the other person in the threesome being married, it seems fraught with peril for someone or a lot of someones to get hurt.

Does your wife say why she wants you to do this? Even the score? Give you a fun gift?  Somehow make hers okay if you do this too? There may be a time and place in the future with a single third person that would make this work for all of you, but the circumstances in this and how soon it still is after her PA may have a lot of triggers.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

michzz said:


> Walk away from this and seriously question your wife's commitment to your marriage.
> 
> You are being played for a fool .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: A wife who would even suggest this is not interested in the marriage. You may want to see a MC or start looking for a divorce attorney.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

As has been said she's offering that for her own benefit not yours - it will "let her off the hook" so to speak. 

I will answer another of your questions though. I was the cheater in an EA. Post D Day, through reconciliation (still in progress), and still today our sex life is significantly better than before my A, and it was pretty good then. I guess we have just reconnected so much emotionally and learned to communicate so much better that it has spilled over into our sex lives. Another reason is that in the process of having to deal with what I did my wife found a lot of self confidence - strange I know, but I'm glad she did. It reflects in how confident she is in the bed room, and I have to say confidence is sexy.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If you do this, then she is no longer a guilty cheating spouse - you've done it too, so you're even and she'll no longer need to feel bad. That's how she sees it. 

Tempting though it may be, don't do it. Not so you can hold her cheating over her, but so that she can't throw the 3some in your face later as a reason why she doesn't need to feel bad.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Reminds me of how I want the missus to cheat, it would let me off the hook since she has something I don't have; perfect record. And she uses it against me all the time... bah!

Makes me jealous


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

greeneyeddolphin said:


> If you do this, then she is no longer a guilty cheating spouse - you've done it too, so you're even and she'll no longer need to feel bad. That's how she sees it.
> 
> It doesn't exonerate her cheating at all. They both just become cheaters.
> 
> Tempting though it may be, don't do it. Not so you can hold her cheating over her, but so that she can't throw the 3some in your face later as a reason why she doesn't need to feel bad.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

greeneyeddolphin said:


> If you do this, then she is no longer a guilty cheating spouse - you've done it too, so you're even and she'll no longer need to feel bad. That's how she sees it.
> 
> Tempting though it may be, don't do it. Not so you can hold her cheating over her, but so that she can't throw the 3some in your face later as a reason why she doesn't need to feel bad.


Coming from a cheating spouse...

Just because he has sex with someone else doesn't remove the fact that she's guilty of cheating. And it's not cheating if she knows about it anyway.

Still a really bad idea that will likely come back to haunt you somehow. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't do it. Most 3somes are poison.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

She is simply drawing you into the cheating lifestyle. Now you would be cuckolding the friend's husband--way to go. Now you are both in the cheating lifestyle. What a great way to live.

Don't mix up the threesome or swinging thing--which is a HUGE decision that has hurt many marriages (and sure some dig it without problems)--with getting drawn into the friend's cheating and diminishing what your wife did to you and your marriage.

With all on your plate, you will simply create an even more crazy swirl of surreal feelings to sort out--and you do need to sort them out--before you can figure out what has happened to your marriage, and if and how you might fix it. This is not the way my friend.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Instead of having an affair of your own with a married woman, why not go to MC to resolve pressing marital issues and have your wife go to IC to address and resolve her emotional issues that caused her to have an EA/PA with the OM?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

didnt hear a anyone mention another line of thought...

your wife wants to be with this women. 

shes not offering up a "sacrificial lamb", if that were purely the case... why is a "threesome" whats on the table?

given any thought to the possiblity of something purely sexual being awakened in her as a result of the affair? You mentioned her increased sexual desire and drive. People who cheat, are selfish. Thats a core shift that takes place when they push aside the moral boundies and become cheaters. I don't think that just shifts back in some cases. You already know her "moral compass" is fuct up. Don't lose sight of the fact that this will be your wife cheating on you AGAIN. You do realize what she is offering is just for you to cheat with her this time right? 

I'm sure some of her motivation is to alleviate guilt, I wouldnt quickly dismiss that being the entire story though. 

I might be tempted to "play a part" like "reluctantly willing" and dig deeper into what is motivating her. Don't imagine it being that hard to uncover.

Just a thought.

But... as enticing as it is... DONT BE THAT GUY! If you choose to be that guy and f*ck your friends wife... you dont come back from that. You are _that_ for the rest of your life. Non-refundable. I know you cant see the full price tag right now. But trust me it's OFF THE F*CKING CHARTS TOO HIGH.


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## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

Thanks every one. My thoughts are the same, The idea is tempting, but the situation is not. I don't want to be that guy, i know how much i hate that guy, and wouldn't wish that on anyone. This situation has made me wonder about her motives and the idea of this some how making her wrong seem less wrong. And she has also offered me a "hall Pass" if you will, not just a 3some but a go do who you want pass, tempting, just so she could feel a sliver of my pain, but as someone said 2 wrongs don't make a right.


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## ViperStorm (Jul 11, 2011)

827Aug said:


> :iagree: A wife who would even suggest this is not interested in the marriage. You may want to see a MC or start looking for a divorce attorney.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is wrong on so many levels. This does not seem like the type of person you are so don't let her make you into that. Either she wants to make herself not feel so bad or that you have nothing to hold over her. Then there is the other relationship to consider. I can't say I've seen anyone write "I'm so glad my spouse had a PA. I don't know where I'd be without it." And finally, if she thinks so little about someone else's marriage does this perhaps tell you truly her overall attitude towards any marriage including yours? You are much better than this.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ViperStorm said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> This is wrong on so many levels. This does not seem like the type of person you are so don't let her make you into that. Either she wants to make herself not feel so bad or that you have nothing to hold over her. Then there is the other relationship to consider. I can't say I've seen anyone write "I'm so glad my spouse had a PA. I don't know where I'd be without it." And finally, if she thinks so little about someone else's marriage does this perhaps tell you truly her overall attitude towards any marriage including yours? You are much better than this.


She practiced extra-marital sex, promotes 3somes with other men's wives and may even want an open marriage. Her core values are totally incompatible with her husbands.


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## purrhotstuff (Apr 21, 2011)

What a horrible situation for you OP. She's trying to allow you to cheat and picking out your possible future partner? Huh?


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

I'd talk her into a threesome with another chick, have the threesome, then serve her the divorce papers. That way, you left the marriage at it's apex and can then go your own way feeling awesome.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

MisguidedMiscreant said:


> I'd talk her into a threesome with another chick, have the threesome, then serve her the divorce papers. That way, you left the marriage at it's apex and can then go your own way feeling awesome.


You realize of course that he would have to live with the knowledge that he would be no better than the scum*** who had the affair with his wife. Something he has alread stated he would not like to do.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MisguidedMiscreant said:


> I'd talk her into a threesome with another chick, have the threesome, then serve her the divorce papers. That way, you left the marriage at it's apex and can then go your own way feeling awesome.


I guess you would have the right to do whatever, but I would not see the point in this if it were me. I would lose respect for myself and that is who counts.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

If there was any doubt about how committed she is/was to recovery or the marriage.....by offering this shows it will never work!!! She still has the affair virus!!! :scratchhead:

A spouse who truly loves their spouse would *NEVER* offer this!!! Don't think for a moment that she would feel the same pain.....she won't because she doesn't care.

Open your eyes and get out!! Remember this moment!!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Never compromise your principles and cheapen yourself and your marriage by accepting this harebrained idea of hers that will hurt other people, including yourself.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

morituri said:


> You realize of course that he would have to live with the knowledge that he would be no better than the scum*** who had the affair with his wife. Something he has alread stated he would not like to do.


I hope you don't think I meant with the married ****, I meant another **** that was outside this weird situation who was single then leave his wife. Don't **** someone else over. Hey, you really thought I meant her friend, didn't you? After all we've been through?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

MisguidedMiscreant said:


> Hey, you really thought I meant her friend, didn't you? After all we've been through?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes and I never had an affair with you:rofl:


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Might as well tell her it has to be her sister, cousin, or BFF for that matter. You don't want just even things up; you want to _one-up _her. I'm joking, dude. But seriously... if she proposes such a thing what kind of person is she _REALLY_??? I think she's pretty muched damaged good- _both_... inside and out.


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## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

I've explained to my wife that I don't want to do this with a married woman. She understands and said that is more than ok with her. I asked why she suggested the married friend, and she told me, her friend kind of suggested it, and in a way suggested herself. Her friend has been married for 5 months, and her husband hasn't slept with her since the honeymoon. My wife says she only considered it cause, we have talked about a 3some before, and it was me who was interested in it. She says she has no interest in other women, but would do this to indulge my fantasy, I asked her if she thought it would hurt us, and she said that she had already hurt me so bad, that she would do anything to make us better, and she thinks, giving me the opportunity to have the 3some, or sleep with another woman would help. My wife has never been so open to something like this before. She says that this might make us stronger, and take our sex lives from a 10 to a 15. She says she does not want other men, and was only open to her BF's idea, because they are close, she don't think it would be that awkward, and her friend is on a level of sexual frustration that is unimaginable, and has told my wife she would do it, but only for sexual gratification. ( Geez that's a lot of pressure on me, if I follow thru with) JK!!!But I too am interested in the 3some idea, it's just who do you find that is open to this, and would never want more from the situation. I guess what is meant to be, will be. Just to be clear, I love my wife, we have made tremendous growth in our marriage, and things are getting better. I love her with all my heart, and I finally feel loved with all of her heart. Thank you every one for the advice, you all have great input. Sucks were all here for one reason, but I'm glad their are people out here to help us thru this and give us a place to vent. Thank you TAM, and all it's members!!!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

LJ,

BTW whatever happened to the sc*mb*ag OM cop?


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## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> LJ,
> 
> BTW whatever happened to the sc*mb*ag OM cop?


What an oh so excellent question!!! I just learned recently that he was let go, YAY !!!! So, he was told he could resign, or be fired, so he resigned. He has been trying to f*ck with me now, following me, showing up where I am, but the funny part is, I'm not afraid, don't care if I go to jail, arrested or whatever, so when I see him I B-line it right towards him, and he'll usually run off, jump in his car and speed off. I ran into him 3 weeks ago, and he started following me in his car, so after a block or two, I break checked him, threw my truck in reverse and headed right at him. He flew off in reverse too, and when I stopped he continued to follow me. So at a stop sigh, I hoped out of my car, ran right at him, and he took off like the little **** he is, really he is, his co workers told me he's bi! Yuck, way to pick em wifey!!!!! Anyway, I have 302 days left till I'm off probation thx to him, paid my fines, now it's just a waiting game. I will get him, I'm very patient, I'll wait 302 days. His time will come, and I will find him, and vengeance will be mine. PS: he does deserve this, not only for taking advantage of my wife, but for secretly drugging her, spiking her drinks, getting me arrested, making threats, spreading rumors, trying to be my buddy when f*cking my wife, and just being a ****. He was banging some other dumb ass cop in the ass, while f*cking my wife. Damn, my wife sure picked a winner!!!! It wouldn't have been as bad if it was a younger, good looking guy, but no, an over weight, 10 year her senior guy, with thinning hair, guy wears make up to cover wrinkles, and shaves all his body hair, god, I'm so pissed it was with such a disgusting person!!!!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

He's goading you so you'll be arrested for violating your probation. Once you are in jail he can attack your wife, your family and you'll be powerless to stop him. Don't let him. As you said wait until after the 302 days are over and then proceed with caution.


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## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> He's goading you so you'll be arrested for violating your probation. Once you are in jail he can attack your wife, your family and you'll be powerless to stop him. Don't let him. As you said wait until after the 302 days are over and then proceed with caution.


I know he is, but if he wants to come at me, he will never get the chance to come at them, I will see to that. I'm very patient now, and 302 days is nothing. I'm gonna be good, and just wait, but the second he endangers my kids, or wife, it's gonna be on, there will be no bumps and bruises for him, only broken bones and hospital beds for him. Sorry, now I'm just ranting and venting!!


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Dude, I understand you are angry. And rightfully so. But you make a very troubling statement when part of the reason you want to have your "vengance" is because he is a '****'. I'm not sure I follow your logic. Is your wife a man. I don't think so. So how is him possile being Bi even a bit of your problem or anger with him. It sounds like one of your problems may be intollerance with people with whom you do not like thier lifestyle. 

If any of the above is true (the following you and essentially goading you into reacting) then get a F%$#ing video camera and document it. Then you give it to the police. They arrest him and viola vengance is yours.

Being an intollorant, homophoic, vigallante does not change the fact that your wife cheated on you. Sorry, it just makes you a juvenile jerk. And My guess is that that is not who you are it is just your rage clouding your adult reasoning.

For God's sake don't stoop to his level and get yourself thrown in Jail. It might feel good short term but prison is not worth the couple of seconds of joy a good punch will give you. Plus one of these days one of you will get killed if you keep behaving like idiots.

As for the wife wanting you to cheat.......Also sounds like a pretty immature act on her part and if you acted on it would pretty much cement the fact that you two are not ready to be married to anyone.

Do the adult thing. Stop the war with the OM. Get the police involved. Don't make another mistake for your marriage and cheat. See a counciler and decide if you guys want to take a run at a healthy marriage. The answer may be no. The answer may be yes. But neither one of you can make a rational decision right now the emotions are too raw. That is what the therapist will help you work through. I know it can be embarassing as a man to admit you may need a little help but.......how are things working for you right now?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ltjohn said:


> It wouldn't have been as bad if it was a younger, good looking guy, but no, an over weight, 10 year her senior guy, with thinning hair, guy wears make up to cover wrinkles, and shaves all his body hair, god, I'm so pissed it was with such a disgusting person!!!!


Which just lends credence to your wife's statement that the affair for her was mostly emotional rather than physical.

I agree with the previous poster recommendation of using a video camera to record the sc*mb*g's stalking. I'll bet that if he were to get arrested for stalking you he would probably be placed with some of the 'fine, young gentlemen' whom he has arrested and they would be so eager to make him their b*tch.


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## ltjohn (Apr 27, 2011)

kirkster5 said:


> Dude, I understand you are angry. And rightfully so. But you make a very troubling statement when part of the reason you want to have your "vengance" is because he is a '****'. I'm not sure I follow your logic. Is your wife a man. I don't think so. So how is him possile being Bi even a bit of your problem or anger with him. It sounds like one of your problems may be intollerance with people with whom you do not like thier lifestyle.
> 
> If any of the above is true (the following you and essentially goading you into reacting) then get a F%$#ing video camera and document it. Then you give it to the police. They arrest him and viola vengance is yours.
> 
> ...




I have no problems with those who have different sexual preferences, I'm not homophobic. Sounds cliche, but one of my best friends is gay. I'm more angry that she slept with someone with who has such a risky life style. As far as busting him stalking me, I've tried, even photographed him following me. Problem being, he's an ex cop, still has a lot of people on his side, one being a high ranking cop in my town. When I've called, they usually try and turn it around on me. He has gotten away with a lot. They will not arrest him, even after I called when he pointed a gun at me. They just talked to him, and said stay away cause I'm the dangerous one. But, on the other hand, he has a lot of cops who hate him. I'm no one special, but I do have a professional job in this town, and know a lot of officers, so when I've told them what's been going on, I was given the scoop on the legal aspect of protecting my self and family, and I know the fine line I have to walk.
I have problems with this OM, if you can call him that, cause he has tried to the point of having me arrested to get to my wife. He drugged her, tried to drag her out of the court room when I was their. He is an ass, who deserves what he gets! Glad he lost his job, but he also deserves a good ol' ass beating too, and I'm happy to provide that!!!


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

And when you are convicted of a hate crime because of your mouth and belligerent behavior what will you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Have you talked to an attorney about making this sc**b*g's life a legal living hell?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

PBear said:


> Coming from a cheating spouse...
> 
> Just because he has sex with someone else doesn't remove the fact that she's guilty of cheating. And it's not cheating if she knows about it anyway.
> 
> ...


I wasn't trying to say that it would remove her cheating. But, in her mind, that's how she sees it. My ex used to cheat on me all the time. And he would constantly try to get me to have a threesome or sleeping with another guy on my own, and he flat out told me it was because if I slept with someone else, then he wouldn't need to feel guilty anymore. In his mind, and I'm thinking in hers too otherwise she wouldn't be pushing for this, it's not about the fact that the cheating was a betrayal. It's about the fact that they slept with another person, so if their partner now sleeps with another person, they're even and there's no reason to feel guilty.


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