# Is it ok to ask my wife to stop talking to her divorced friends



## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

Wife moved to to where i live after gettting married, so all her friends are in different state, so she communicate with them on phone or mostly on facebook, 

Most of her friends are divorced with kids, I would say many of her friends are divorced. every month I hear that one of her friends got divorced. 

so last night she told me that her friend got divorced, so I asked her to stop talking to her divorced friends for many reasons
1- wife and I we argue and make up all the time and she always listens to her friends and what they say. of course she denys thats. 
2- I'm afraid the divorced friends will be an influance on her to ask for divorce or show her how wonderful the life after divorce and the freedome etc etc

is that ok to ask to not speak or communicate with divorced friends, she sees their pictures on facebook the fun they have and tells me how much she missing hanging out with them and going out.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think you should spend less time thinking about ways to control your wife and prevent her from figuring out that she might not be happy with you, and instead focus on being the best husband you can be and be happy together.

If you are really bringing it to the relationship, she's going to want to be with you and talk with you a lot more than you are seeing now. Imagine a world where you, your wife, and your wife's friends could all hang out together...


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

Where to start.
1. Ask your wife not to discuss your relationship with her friends. That's a no no in my book. Its between the two of you, not her friends. Does she feel lonely or isolated since she moved?

2. Address your problems rather than blame her friends. Having divorced friends is not going to influence your relationship unless you have problems and she wants out. I have many divorced friends, but that has no influence on MY relationship. If you are arguing all the time, work on this, don't focus on her friends. I don't think that her friends would be the reason she would want a divorce

3. don't tell her who she can be friends with. That's controlling and will only cause more problems. Sounds like she is a little homesick for her friends/place she used to live. Have you helped her settle in your town?

Bottom line: your are blamshifting your problems to her friends. They will not be the cause of the demise of your relationship. Sounds like you have problems that need to be addressed within your relationship.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Man... if my husband were to try telling me not to talk to my divorced friends, I wouldn't be able to talk to my SISTERS and MOTHER. Seriously, divorce isn't a contagious disease. My mom was divorced before she met my dad. One of my sisters divorced and has remarried. My other sister is in the process of divorcing.

Unless these friends are truly TOXIC, as in they are encouraging her to divorce you "just because"... I wouldn't DEMAND, but strongly urge. And that doesn't mean picking a fight!

If she were having an affair with them..well, that would be a no-brainer, I would think.

But, in general, no, you don't tell your wife to stop talking to her divorced friends. That would mean you would have to tell her to stop talking to her friends who have never been married as well. Choosing her friends for her IS controlling. And it's the quickest way to push her away....


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My closest friend during my divorced years is married, and since I've known her, has gone from 2 to 4 kids.

So....concentrate on the individual. If you are aware of any one of her friends who is encouraging her to do somehing negative to the marriage. that's when I would raise the issue.

Also, remember even married people fool around. As courtly as he behaved around his friends' wives, it's interesting that my exH chose a woman at work for his exit affair. I always wonder if he lost any friends due to that.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Beelzebub said:


> is that ok to ask to not speak or communicate with divorced friends


No, it is not OK to tell you spouse who they can or can not communicate with. Partners make their own choices and each owns the consequences of their choices. But it is certainly OK to say nicely that you are uncomfortable with her talking to them. And it is also OK to say that you feel these personal relationships are having a destabilizing effect on your marriage, if that is the case.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*But it is certainly OK to say nicely that you are uncomfortable with her talking to them. And it is also OK to say that you feel these personal relationships are having a destabilizing effect on your marriage, if that is the case. *

Yep, it's ok to say what you think, and what makes you uncomfortable... but there may be a price anyway. It depends on your wife and your marriage. 

It COULD open up a conversation... and give you insight to what wife thinks of the marriage, and how these friends are in no way a threat. 

It COULD be that she actually gets some insight to making YOUR relationship better, thru talking about the failure of her friends' marriages. 

It COULD be that she is a sane woman who isn't going to glom on to some mass divorcee' club. 

And I think.. it COULD backfire on you. It would sound so negative if my H were to think that my friends divorces would lead me in that direction. Like he had no faith in my ability to think for myself, or faith in the strength of our marriage. I'd lose some respect for him for not being able to comprehend how someone could think of me that way.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I see where you're coming from, you often hear of toxic friends who pressurize those in committed relationships to do things that are inappropriate and the fact you guys live in a pendulum of make up/break up, it warrants your concerns. That being said, if your wife can become so easily swayed to leave you because her friends pressurized her to, well, then it becomes pretty clear how much you meant to her.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Do YOU talk to your wife? If not she may need friends to talk too. I have a friend that is divorced. I talk to her all the time. She has a way of calming me down which is helpful to my marriage. She is truly a friend and wouldn't want me to go through the pain of divorce. Wish my husband would talk to me then I wouldn't have the need to talk to someone else.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Complexity said:


> I see where you're coming from, *you often hear of toxic friends who pressurize those in committed relationships to do things that are inappropriate and the fact you guys live in a pendulum of make up/break up, it warrants your concerns*. That being said, if your wife can become so easily swayed to leave you because her friends pressurized her to, well, then it becomes pretty clear how much you meant to her.


I've read that there is an increase in the likelihood of your own divorce when your friends do, the OP does have a valid reason to be concerned for the health of his own marriage.

Divorce is contagious: If your friends split up there is a 75 per cent chance your marriage will fall apart as well | Mail Online


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If you have a sound marriage, OP, there's no way that your W's friends are going to be able to influence her into divorcing you. If your W shares a good relationship with you, it's my guess that she's thanking her lucky stars that she isn't in the position her divorced friends are in!

You can ask your W to refrain from discussing your marriage with her friends, but I don't believe it's appropriate for you to ask her to banish them from her life, simply because they're divorced.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Complexity said:


> I see where you're coming from, you often hear of toxic friends who pressurize those in committed relationships to do things that are inappropriate and the fact you guys live in a pendulum of make up/break up, it warrants your concerns. That being said, if your wife can become so easily swayed to leave you because her friends pressurized her to, well, then it becomes pretty clear how much you meant to her.


Agree!

I was divorced for 10 years and never tried to sway my married friends to divorce. One did divorce, but not because of me telling her she should leave him.

Personally, if my husband said this, it would be the biggest turnoff. I would think he was insecure and he thinks I'm too stupid to make my own decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

It is ok if she goes out, respectfully. She shouldnt however (if she is doing this) be getting advice on a divorce. If she is feeling or having thoughts then she should come to you first. It doesnt seem to me as if she wants to have one, but maybe her friends are just influencing her to learn life after divorce. Being single isnt all its cracked up to be. it is just as hard as being in a relationship. you dont have anyone to lay down with share secrets, stories, problems, memories, laughs, or any of that stuff with. just let her know how you feel. if she isnt reading into those girls then she should be fine with what you have to say. if she gets hostile then shes probably having some what ifs...


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Complexity said:


> I see where you're coming from, you often hear of toxic friends who pressurize those in committed relationships to do things that are inappropriate and the fact you guys live in a pendulum of make up/break up, it warrants your concerns. That being said, if your wife can become so easily swayed to leave you because her friends pressurized her to, well, then it becomes pretty clear how much you meant to her.


Exactly!
If she's easily influenced by her toxic friends then she doesn't deserve you in the first place.
How she behaves around you (because of her friends) says a lot about her. 
I think it's kind of naive of her to act according to what her friends tell her.


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