# Caught my wife chatting with her ex



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

Well here it goes, my wife left her iPad in our room, and my son is playing with it, i told him off, by chance it is on messenger, i dont what came to me but i started scrolling and found a chat of my wife and her ex, i took a photo of it....at 1st i did not know he was her ex, she admitted a few days after our very big fight. What made me go beast mode is my wife is reacting with hearts
...look at the screen shot, the question is.....are the two have something going on? Base on the pics please. We have been married for 13 years, have a son, both of us are successful in our careers.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

...... your right .. he said 2020


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

ahh that is a different one


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Delete those pictures dude... You want someone seeing this, looking that guy up and contacting him for one reason or another? There is no need for the screenshots, just type out what they said.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I have reported this thread. No good posting someone else's Facebook page, personal conversation, etc. How could you do that???


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

If you include screenshots you should black out the names.


----------



## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

You both should read: "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass

IMO it's required reading for couples. It's based on studies of couples that experienced infidelity. Good folks that never intended an affair. It provides a solid basis for your concerns based on more than your personal opinion. It also blocks her reply that "we're just friends" or "you're just jealous/unreasonable" . The book talks about specific things you each can do to protect a marriage. btw: EXs represent a very high risk to a marriage.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@SleepMD *Please don't publish images like those again. Thank you, on behalf of the moderation team. *


----------



## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

No doxxing please.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Also, @SleepMD, things are not looking good at the moment re your marriage.

Try not to reveal your knowledge to your wife.

Investigate and gather evidence.


----------



## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

Livvie said:


> I have reported this thread. No good posting someone else's Facebook page, personal conversation, etc. How could you do that???


Its easy, just take screen shots and then attach to the thread. I thought you was way smarter than that ? 

I disagree with you, all is fair in love and war. The OP wife should have known better and well its just a wonderful scandal she has created for her self. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. The moderation team would not allow that, either.



boonez40 said:


> Its easy, just take screen shots and then attach to the thread. I thought you was way smarter than that ?
> 
> I disagree with you, all is fair in love and war. The OP wife should have known better and well its just a wonderful scandal she has created for her self.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


----------



## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> No. The moderation team would not allow that, either.


Yeah, I forgot
Everyone owns a lawyer these days. 

OP could and should blast them on his own FB. Let everyone see what a POS his wife is. 


Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You need to enforce your boundaries of no talking with ex's -- what is her "justification" as to why she was casually talking with her ex?

BTW, you can repost the conversations, but any/all personal info needs to be blacked out...


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Also, @SleepMD, things are not looking good at the moment re your marriage.
> 
> Try not to reveal your knowledge to your wife.
> 
> Investigate and gather evidence.


i did, i found pics from her college organization website


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> You need to enforce your boundaries of no talking with ex's -- what is her "justification" as to why she was casually talking with her ex?
> 
> BTW, you can repost the conversations, but any/all personal info needs to be blacked out...


she said that the guy meant nothing to her....


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

SleepMD said:


> she said that the guy meant nothing to her....


but i stalked the guy's fb, and i found out that my wife always "likes" his posts....


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> ...... your right .. he said 2020


you think there is something going on?


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SleepMD said:


> she said that the guy meant nothing to her....


That has NOTHING to do with WHY she was doing it --- she side-stepped your question.
Did you find any OTHER conversations with other men there?


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

SleepMD said:


> you think there is something going on?


Yeah... of course there is ... they are talking about “dreams” with each other. I’m not saying she is running around with him or anything but that is intimate type of conversation. Honestly you need a bit more than what you have. It’s not enough for you to get crazy over ... just my opinion. It’s inappropriate.....not screaming worthy.


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> That has NOTHING to do with WHY she was doing it --- she side-stepped your question.
> Did you find any OTHER conversations with other men there?


there are other conversations with other men...well i saw her gay friend's messages and a guy i knew but the conversations are nothing like the one i found with this guy....what the heck.......the guy told my wife "i have not dreamnt of you for a while".......as in what the heck??? why does he need to dream of my wife for godsake!!!


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Good at least that it wasn't a whole slew of men, BUT it was one of her ex's which is complete BS unless you both have discovered it.

She STILL hasn't given you an answer as to why she did it and why she was ok with keeping YOU in the dark about it.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SleepMD said:


> there are other conversations with other men...well i saw her gay friend's messages and a guy i knew but the conversations are nothing like the one i found with this guy....what the heck.......the guy told my wife "i have not dreamnt of you for a while".......as in what the heck??? why does he need to dream of my wife for godsake!!!


Chances are he wasn't dreaming about your wife. He's just saying that to get in her pants.


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Yeah... of course there is ... they are talking about “dreams” with each other. I’m not saying she is running around with him or anything but that is intimate type of conversation. Honestly you need a bit more than what you have. It’s not enough for you to get crazy over ... just my opinion. It’s inappropriate.....not screaming worthy.


well i saw a picture of my wife and the guy in her college organization reunion.....she told me that was long time ago but her appearance tells otherwise, and she told me she does not remember when, where and what is the occassion of the pic.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SleepMD said:


> well i saw a picture of my wife and the guy in her college organization reunion.....she told me that was long time ago but her appearance tells otherwise, and she told me she does not remember when, where and what is the occassion of the pic.


Ping the site owner where you got it and ask for the date of that picture...


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

SleepMD said:


> well i saw a picture of my wife and the guy in her college organization reunion.....she told me that was long time ago but her appearance tells otherwise, and she told me she does not remember when, where and what is the occassion of the pic.


She’s lying. She knows perfectly well (at least approximately) when and where. Just based on appearance, clothing, background, etc. She’s just not telling you.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> She STILL hasn't given you an answer as to why she did it and why she was ok with keeping YOU in the dark about it.


And she probably won’t. He will probably never get a satisfactory answer to that question, nor does it really matter. 

The point is, she has betrayed his trust, acted inappropriately and put the marriage at risk - at best.
At worst, there’s a lot more he doesn’t know and her betrayal is far worse than lying and inappropriate texts.

What matters now, is what he is going to DO about it.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

SleepMD said:


> well i saw a picture of my wife and the guy in her college organization reunion.....she told me that was long time ago but her appearance tells otherwise, and she told me she does not remember when, where and what is the occassion of the pic.


Come on sleepy, who you gonna believe? Your wife or your lying eyes? 

So what they’re talking about dreaming about each other. Don’t you keep in touch with your ex and tell her when you wake up with a boner after dreaming about her. oh, you don’t? Then why are you passively allowing this to go on? Hell F’ing no, she should not be talking regularly with an ex.

This is a dude that knows her intimately. They can go from flirting to hot sex in a very accelerated timeframe. Also you better make sure about that college reunion. Those are notorious for old flames or crushes to hook up one last time.


----------



## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Is this guy married? If so, reach out to her and tell her what you know and what you suspect (like the reunion photo that wife doesn’t remember how long ago it was, but looks recent). Get her to be an Allie. Two sets of eyes keeping an eye on both of them is better than one. Just make sure she knows to keep the surveillance subtle, and tell her not to let him know HOW you know. Have her simply tell him that you contacted her and how you suspect their might be an affair.


----------



## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

How far away does he live?
I’m sorry, but I suspect that they became physical at the reunion.

Cause I think your best option is probably to tell her that you have scheduled a polygraph for her. Her reaction he’s going to tell you all that you need to know.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

SleepMD said:


> well i saw a picture of my wife and the guy in her college organization reunion.....she told me that was long time ago but her appearance tells otherwise, and she told me she does not remember when, where and what is the occassion of the pic.


Save the picture to your computer and look at the properties to see the date created, sometimes it has the original date.


----------



## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

Send the guy pictures of you cleaning your gun

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


----------



## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

SleepMD said:


> she said that the guy meant nothing to her....


The meaning provided by the mind haves no more scope of validity than the limited one of our cranial capacity / volume: 1300 cm3 to 1500 cm3.
Facts of behaviour use to have a wider one.


----------



## SleepMD (Jul 8, 2021)

Thank you guys, i really needed it. I caught my wife December 2020, and we talked, but still i can't get over this. I still have this lingering thoughts.....


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

SleepMD said:


> there are other conversations with other men...well i saw her gay friend's messages and a guy i knew but the conversations are nothing like the one i found with this guy....what the heck.......the guy told my wife "i have not dreamnt of you for a while".......as in what the heck??? why does he need to dream of my wife for godsake!!!


He can't help who he dreams about, but he sure as heck shouldn't be telling her about it! That's beyond inappropriate.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

It is unfortunate you didn’t deal with it meaningfully in December, but there’s nothing you can do about that now.

From everything I’ve read, this has not really been resolved, she has not felt serious, existential consequences for her actions, and you are not in control of the situation.

The key question is, what are you going to DO about it now?


----------



## TheGoodFather (Feb 12, 2021)

There is a difference between fantasizing about a person from acting out a fantasy. Flirting with an ex is like a bomb that's waiting to explode. I hope they won't meet in person because that would create an explosion that will definitely kill your marriage and ultimately hurt the people around them. Humans do stupid stuff when they are horny. I'm sorry you are in this situation. Hopefully she realize that what she's doing is inappropriate as married person.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

SleepMD said:


> Thank you guys, i really needed it. I caught my wife December 2020, and we talked, but still i can't get over this. I still have this lingering thoughts.....


You should not ignore your gut. Like I said earlier, these 2 know each other intimately, so flirting will lead to sex much quicker than 2 people who have never had sex. 

You may need to get a VAR Velcro strapped under the passenger seat of her car. You may catch her talking to him or to some friend who will be egging her on.


----------



## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

SleepMD said:


> Thank you guys, i really needed it. I caught my wife December 2020, and we talked, but still i can't get over this. I still have this lingering thoughts.....


I think you are crazy, sorry. They had a HBD message on 2009 and this dream message in Nov 20? Have you looked at his FB page? Because I did (couldn’t resist!) and I can tell you that his role is to keep people engaged in this society. It has zero to do with his interest in your wife personally no matter what their history. Now, her interest in him might be a major issue, but to him she is a potential donor and that is all.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Hey ... what happened to my post on this thread?


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

SleepMD said:


> she said that the guy meant nothing to her....


And yet her actions say otherwise. He must have meant something to her if she is willing to put her marriage on the line for him.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

ArthurGPym said:


> And yet her actions say otherwise. He must have meant something to her if she is willing to put her marriage on the line for him.


It’s sad to read how many BHs we get who are giving more credence to their wives words over her actions. If the 2 don’t match always believe the actions. It’s like the guy who’s wife is spending the majority of her time during the week with 10 men while she’s exerting herself across the court in her pickleball skirt but his wife said “ you’re too good to cheat on”. Now that is some serious incongruous actions vs words. Think about the line, “ who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes. ?”


----------



## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

jsmart said:


> It’s sad to read how many BHs we get who are giving more credence to their wives words over her actions. If the 2 don’t match always believe the actions. It’s like the guy who’s wife is spending the majority of her time during the week with 10 men while she’s exerting herself across the court in her pickleball skirt but his wife said “ you’re too good to cheat on”. Now that is some serious incongruous actions vs words. Think about the line, “ who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes. ?”


I agree. My now ex-wife told me she loved me every day we were married, until the last day when she initiated separation and divorce. By then she not only had a guy to go to but had made plans for introducing our child to him (immediately) and even a wedding. They'd already got married in a game online and needed me out post-haste. 

I began to tweak when she really started to focus on losing weight. She lost a lot and looked great and I remember complimenting her. But it wasn't for me. It was to lock in the next guy.


----------



## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

jsmart said:


> It’s sad to read how many BHs we get who are giving more credence to their wives words over her actions. If the 2 don’t match always believe the actions. It’s like the guy who’s wife is spending the majority of her time during the week with 10 men while she’s exerting herself across the court in her pickleball skirt but his wife said “ you’re too good to cheat on”. Now that is some serious incongruous actions vs words. Think about the line, “ who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes. ?”


I remember those days, I bought it hook line and sinker when my ex wife was cheating. 

Its hard to beat a manipulator, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

SleepMD said:


> are the two have something going on?


IMO, most definitely. Physical? Maybe, maybe not. But definitely an EA of sorts. Some will say, "now don't jump to conclusions". 

But lets look at that facts. Wife canoodling with her X behind her husband's back, putting up little hearts, etc. Who does that? Why the hell, if I were married, be conversing with my X behind her back and showing little loving emoticons?


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Doesn’t liking a post put a heart, instead of a like?
Thing is, she’s “liking” all his posts for a reason. It’s her way of saying she’s interested and giving him an opening.


----------

