# Confusion about everything!



## goodonesgo (Jun 17, 2014)

At this point in my marriage i am completely confused. I really need advice on what i should do. talkin to friends and family just doesnt work bc of course they are bias. So the situation is this. 
Me and my husband got married in May 2013. shortly after, around August 2013, he and i seperated. I had an ongoing affair with my ex of three years... When my hubby moved out, he got his own apartment and i continued to be with my ex. Thru out our seperation, we still have had sex, still went out to lunch together, we talked occasionally, but he always ignored me. I always knew he was with someone else, but he would never admit. Me and the ex ended up breaking up for good in March 2014. since our breakup and even before, ive been trying to be with my husband again. he just wouldnt go for it, with all the ignoring and lying, i just gave up on trying to work on things. 

So my husband recently contacts me in June 2014 and says, dont get involved with anyone, I am coming home, i miss you and pretty much that he wants to work on our marriage. I was estatic and i couldnt believe that he wanted to do it after me trying for so long and him ignoring me. So he comes over the house and we talk. He finally admits to me that he was seeing another girl, the girl who he was cheating on me with before we seperated. And that she had fell in love with him, but he didnt love her. They spent alot of time togther and she was very good to him, and treated him better than i did so to speak. So I asked him what is he going to do about her now that he is trying to work things out with me, he said he doesnt know and he doesnt want to hurt her, because she was a good girl. We live in Virginia, the girl just recently moved to North Carolina on the day that he comes to my house. 
So, from this convo we have, im under the impression that i have a chance to prove and show him how much i have changed and that i can give him what he needs and be a good wife to him. But now, i feel like that will never happen. 

Throughout the days, we barely talk, but when we are together, i really enjoy him and we seem to be on the same page. A couple days ago, he invited me to his house. I come over and we are cuddled up watchn TV and he gets up and goes outside to use the phone. The first time i didnt say anything, i just shook my head. But then he did it a second time, and this time i was talkn to him and asked him a question and he was trying to make me be quiet telling me to "shhhhh". I immediately got mad bc i knew he was talkin to this girl.. And with me being ur wife, are u seriously goin to tell me to be quiet while u talk to another woman? I think thats just rude. So i picked up my things and i told him i am leaving. He stayed on the phone with her, and when i left he texted me and told me to please come back, he is begging for me and tellin me please dont leave. I am confused! What does he want from me? I ended up coming back, thinkin we could talk this out, he is still on the phone with her when i get back, so i go in the room to lay down, at this point i have a headache. She calls him plenty times on Skype, and he talked to her on Skype until she fell asleep, then comes n the room to console me and tries to make me feel better by holding me and hugging me and talkin to me. SMH. I dont get it... Im kinda losing hope. We end up having sex and going to bed and things seemed ok.
So the next morning, i was in my feelings and texted him. 
I told him, he has to make a choice either its her or me, i am not going to play the side woman to my own husband point blank. I gave him a week to make a decision. Not bc i want to pressure him, but because i cant sit around waiting when i could possibly be missing out on somethin greater. I have plenty other opportunities, but i want only my husband. I just cant deal with the fact that he wants us both and be ok with that. I dont know what to do, he seems more confused than me. But after me sending him that text, he never responded. That was yesterday, does that mean he made his decision, and its not me that he wants? :-( sighsss


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I do not want to be rude, but from 20,000 feet I have a difficult time understanding why the two of you are together?

Both cheating and not to judge but the statistics indicate that the two of you will cheat again.

If you want to go to counselling together to see what can be saved then by all means do it. 

Sorry to say it again, but the two of you need to decide if you are emotionally capable of committing to one person or you are more comfortable as single people enjoying the companionship of many partners. There is no shame in being honest about what you want out of life.

Good luck,
Stretch


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but neither of you two should be in a relationship until you figure out what's wrong with yourselves. I realize you probably won't listen to this advice, but thought I'd give it anyway...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

