# Finding his name



## Arta (Aug 16, 2012)

I found the texts and calls on my wife's cell phone. All I have is a number, I don't have a name. I would like to out this guy,(he is a coworker) to his family, coworkers, etc. but I need a name. I tried some of the websites that do reverse number lookups, but just wasted money on them, because it seems to be a prepaid phone. Does anyone have any idea of any other options that I could use to trace that number?


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Your wife didn't tell you his name? Or does she know that you have info?


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Send a text, hey its me (whatever your wifes name is), call me, then have your daughter or cousin or sister say "who am i speaking to, who do you want to speak to?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Send a text, hey its me (whatever your wifes name is), call me, then have your daughter or cousin or sister say "who am i speaking to, who do you want to speak to?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


exactly. Tell him you're your wife and you're waiting in room 69 at the Climax Motel and you want to meet him there. When he shows up you can lift his wallet while he's lying on the ground and check his ID.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Slow down a minute, don't tip your hand yet. There's more to the story obviously. Fill us in more, and we can give you a better plan. Who knows what? When? How far? Don't do anything to make the situation worse (ahem, violence).


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

If its a prepaid phone, tracing it to a person is very unlikely, probably beyond the means of anyone outside of law enforcement. Probably nearly impossible even then.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> If its a prepaid phone, tracing it to a person is very unlikely, probably beyond the means of anyone outside of law enforcement. Probably nearly impossible even then.


Which is why he needs to work a sting using the WW's phone.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Which is why he needs to work a sting using the WW's phone.


Yes, but he can't be stupid about it, or he'll give himself away. They will have a communication style all their own. I thought of spoofing a message to my wife or the OM, but didn't have enough of a sample of the styles to do it effectively. Plus on certain modes it turns out they had code words, but I hadn't had access to that, and thus would have failed right of the bat.

He needs to give us more to work with.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Which is why he needs to work a sting using the WW's phone.


I think he need´s to start give us more info.Before doing what your suggesting..The idea in it self it´s not bad..

But we don't know yet what we are dealing with yet


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Spyware on the phone. A 3 month purchase is not expensive. Then you get copies of ALL texts, call logs, websites etc. It may give a name soon enough. Let me know if you do this. There are certain things you need to be aware of otherwise it becomes obvious that something has happened to the phone.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Hire a detective. That's what they are for.

Or just go to her work, and call that number and see whose phone rings (not good in a call center)

I bet giving an expensive necklace to the recptionist will get you the information lickity split.

Wait for her to call in saying she's going to be late and then go watch the place of business around closing time. Either she's frolicking inside and will come out with him when they are done or they are going on a date and you'll at least get a car and description.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

The problem isn't this other guy. This problem is your wife. Photograph the texts. Keep the phone. You HAVE evidence. 

Confront her. Make her tell you. She doesn't tell you? You're filing for divorce. Your lawyer would like to depose HR and members of her office in re the affair. I promise it's not a secret to her workplace. She will move heaven and earth for this NOT to happen. You'll find out. 

He could be anyone though. She's enemy #1. He's just an accomplice.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

His wife is the priority of course but he does need to know who the guy is. The OM is his enemy. It is not an either or. They are both culpable. But none-the-less this needs to be blown up at the work. So he needs to know.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Of course he needs to know. I agree. There are a lot of ways to skin a cat. 

Get a lawyer. Threaten to depose her workplace. I'm sure his name will come up pretty quick.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Why is everyone assuming it is someone she works with? Though that is the most likely possibility the odds are against it. I don't remeber workplaxe affairs as being more than half of of all possibilities. Neighbors and friends are high on the list too.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If she is calling the number he needs to put a VAR in her car and one in the house where she is calling. If he is seeing this on her phone she should be easy to catch.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

chumplady said:


> The problem isn't this other guy. This problem is your wife. Photograph the texts. Keep the phone. You HAVE evidence.
> 
> Confront her. Make her tell you. She doesn't tell you? You're filing for divorce. Your lawyer would like to depose HR and members of her office in re the affair. I promise it's not a secret to her workplace. She will move heaven and earth for this NOT to happen. You'll find out.
> 
> He could be anyone though. She's enemy #1. He's just an accomplice.


The OM is a problem, like cancerous cells in you are a problem.

You treat cancer by finding it and cutting it out.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

chapparal said:


> Why is everyone assuming it is someone she works with? Though that is the most likely possibility the odds are against it. I don't remeber workplaxe affairs as being more than half of of all possibilities. Neighbors and friends are high on the list too.


The OP said that.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Go to a payphone (do they even still have those anymore?) and call the number. Maybe it'll go to voicemail and maybe there's a greeting with his name? 
Or if he answers, act like it's a possible misdial and you expected someone else to answer. 

I like the idea of using the WW's phone, but if you plan a meet up, you could just get yourself into some trouble if you do that.

Have you talked to your wife at all? Or did you just find these, and your first instinct is to go after OM first? If that's the case, you need to start with confronting the wife - not by jumping the gun straight to OM. She's the one that is betraying you...


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

Remains said:


> Spyware on the phone. A 3 month purchase is not expensive. Then you get copies of ALL texts, call logs, websites etc. It may give a name soon enough. Let me know if you do this. There are certain things you need to be aware of otherwise it becomes obvious that something has happened to the phone.


This is a felony. I do not recommend this. 

Unless your name is on the phone alone, you may not be able to put this type of software on it. Talk to a lawyer prior to doing this. You need consent from her to record her phone calls.

There are other ways. Spy shops have a USB stick that you plug the phone into and it will download all of the information, even texts that have been deleted. As long as you have the password. I am not sure if they work or not, but this is much more legal than putting spyware on her phone. GPS monitor is also another option, but I hear they are not so reliable.

Private Eye is the best way to go. She will suspect nothing. It will cost a lot, but they are usually available at a moments notice to go where you want them to. They are expensive, but they are legal and get results. Shoot, they may even have a cell phone USB stick you can borrow.

*And when you use your credit card to purchase that subscription, that's evidence.*


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

If its an iPhone you can retrieve old sent text messages, even if they've been deleted. Also have you tried googling it? Add things like Facebook, linked in, ebay etc after the number, these days everyone leaves a trace online, use the 'cached' link to view historical results..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arta (Aug 16, 2012)

Yes, there is more, it was late and I just wanted to get something out there. I'm overwhelmed by the responses, thanks. 
She didn't give me a name when the sht hit the fan, partly because of what she feared I might do. Since then she has decided to quit this job at the end of the season, we will go to counseling, and try to move through this. But there are still these texts that periodically show up when I check, and it is like he is always in the shadow just waiting to move. From what I am seeing, I think that hiring a PI may be my best option because it isn't like a call and meet up type of thing. She also works at a place that is not accessible to me. I feel like I need her to quit this job, give up the phone, and work to patch up what we have left, but getting these things to work together is taking it's toll on me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

whoa whoa whoa

you are in R and she isn't being transparent with her phone?!!

That is not R and a big old sign that the affair is continuing

I suggest that unless she goes no contact, is transparent and shows remorse you should file for D

please read the newbie link in my signature


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Carlton said:


> This is a felony. I do not recommend B]


Ya be carefull the spy phone police are so concerned about you trying to catch your chic cheating they will make you there 1st priority.:lol:

Never reveal your source, when you do that your chance to confirm any recommitment from her goes out the window.
Revealing your sources isa big time set up for a fake R.

At the end of the day you know the truth and can make the right choices. You can now have the confirmation that what you do next is based on fact....it will then be up to your WW to either go a long or lose her marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Arta said:


> Yes, there is more, it was late and I just wanted to get something out there. I'm overwhelmed by the responses, thanks.
> She didn't give me a name when the sht hit the fan, partly because of what she feared I might do. Since then she has decided to quit this job at the end of the season, we will go to counseling, and try to move through this. But there are still these texts that periodically show up when I check, and it is like he is always in the shadow just waiting to move. From what I am seeing, I think that hiring a PI may be my best option because it isn't like a call and meet up type of thing. She also works at a place that is not accessible to me. I feel like I need her to quit this job, give up the phone, and work to patch up what we have left, but getting these things to work together is taking it's toll on me.


Why is it taking it toll? why aren't you boxing up her thing and talking to a lawyer?

I think she has your number and has no intention of leaving her job at the end of the season. I think when the end of the season comes around she will tell she will quit the following season. 

As long as she is protecting the AP... if it was me the A is still going on so hence the packing her thing and getting ready for the big move after the divorce.

My point is, a little more tough love and stiffer consequences will show you what your WW is really made of.

I think she is gaslighting you and and has taked the affair under ground ...I mean it pretty clear they are still in contact and you WW has not told OM to stop texting.

What sucks even more is she is replying.

Dude there is no "toll" here it about confidence in letting her go if she can't affair proof her marriage and thats exposing the OM.

Sure it painfull to lose your wife, but man its alot more painful to lose your self respect. Its time to stand up and stop tolorating sharing your wife.

Sorry brother it sound s to me like your getting snowballed her.

Do you realize everytime she goes to work those feelings that started the affair come back every day for her?

You are nigotiating and doing a R under her terms....screw that!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

chapparal said:


> If she is calling the number he needs to put a VAR in her car and one in the house where she is calling. If he is seeing this on her phone she should be easy to catch.


VAR in car, definitely, cheaters love to talk in their cars.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you know his name, put him in spokeo.com and see if he is married.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

SadandAngry said:


> If its a prepaid phone, tracing it to a person is very unlikely, probably beyond the means of anyone outside of law enforcement. Probably nearly impossible even then.


 Exactly, Prepaid phones suck for this reason, this is why some people get them for affairs. You can't look up the name for the number in a reverse search. Even if it did give you a name, it probably wouldn't be the guys name anyway.

Shoot my track phone doesn't even come up in my name on a caller id, it is some guys.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Why is everyone assuming it is someone she works with? Though that is the most likely possibility the odds are against it. I don't remeber workplaxe affairs as being more than half of of all possibilities. Neighbors and friends are high on the list too.


Just from what he said, but I agree, it could be anyone.



> I would like to out this guy,(he is a coworker) to his family, coworkers, etc. but I need a name.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Arta said:


> Yes, there is more, it was late and I just wanted to get something out there. I'm overwhelmed by the responses, thanks.
> She didn't give me a name when the sht hit the fan, partly because of what she feared I might do. Since then she has decided to quit this job at the end of the season, we will go to counseling, and try to move through this. But there are still these texts that periodically show up when I check, and it is like he is always in the shadow just waiting to move. From what I am seeing, I think that hiring a PI may be my best option because it isn't like a call and meet up type of thing. She also works at a place that is not accessible to me. I feel like I need her to quit this job, give up the phone, and work to patch up what we have left, but getting these things to work together is taking it's toll on me.


Yes. She needs to quit the job immediately and come clean with who he is. She must tell you becaus she cannot go NC unless you know who he is. Also you cannot blow this up unless you know.

So you need to just tell her that what she is doing in unacceptable.

See a lawyer if you want to keep her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

the guy said:


> Ya be carefull the spy phone police are so concerned about you trying to catch your chic cheating they will make you there 1st priority.:lol:
> 
> Never reveal your source, when you do that your chance to confirm any recommitment from her goes out the window.
> Revealing your sources isa big time set up for a fake R.
> ...


Indeed.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Carlton said:


> This is a felony. I do not recommend this.
> 
> Unless your name is on the phone alone, you may not be able to put this type of software on it. Talk to a lawyer prior to doing this. You need consent from her to record her phone calls.
> 
> ...


This is ridiculous, are you from doc cool? If the op owns the phone he can do whatever he wants with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

You are NOT in R. You are in limbo. 
She does NOT get to withold information from you. And if a Mc say different. Fire them.

If you read some threads here, you will see full disclosure is the only way. You will not heal with this guy lurking.
She say she is worried of what you would do.
I say she is protecting him and the affair, which is underground now.

She either answer ALL your questions or you file.
That don't mean it a done deal. D/ing takes time, so you can stop it anytime she comes clean.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Why are YOU letting her dictate that terms of this R ??


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Arta

You have been a member of TAM since August so you obviously have been working through your wifes cheating.

Give us some more details.

Your ages.
How long you have been married?
What evidence do you have?
Who is the OM?
Is he married?

You know the drill.

HM64


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

And how long is the rest of the season? How often does she need to work late? How long are their lunches allowed to be? Is there a ready number of supply closets or other private locations?

Do I need to draw a clearer picture?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> This is ridiculous, are you from doc cool? If the op owns the phone he can do whatever he wants with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for postng exactly what I was thinking.

It amazes me when people spread Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt in this way.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Carlton said:


> This is a felony. I do not recommend this.


Carlton, in the United States almost everything is a federal crime. The average self-employed person commits about 3 felonies each day. The feds can't catch and prosecute all of us. I ought to know.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Thank you for postng exactly what I was thinking.


Seriously, carlton has gone around posting that its illegal to keylog and record voice conversations. Its not like you are taking any recordings to court which will not even be admissible (more than likely) and the police aren't going to do anything about it. It is illegal in some states but even if a spouse reports you for ILLEGAL/UNLAWFUL recording of their conversation/phone conversation, its not like they (WS) will GET A HOLD of the var/keylog and use that AS EVIDENCE to SUE YOU for unlawful recording, you just delete evidence and lie as the way wards do.


"Hi yes 911, my husband just recorded me, showed me how much of a tramp and floozy I was, how much i leeched off him, cheated on him, he invaded my privacy and put a var in the house and in his car and he put a keylogger on the home computer and got my email password"

Arrest him!!!!



Here are the states in which you can record legally, aka one party consent

Alaska 
Arkansas
Colorado
District of Columbia 
Georgia
Hawaii 
Idaho 
Indiana 
Iowa 
Kansas 
Kentucky 
Louisiana
Maine
Minnesota
Mississippi 
Missouri 
Nebraska
Nevada 
New Jersey
New Mexico 
New York 
North Carolina 
North Dakota 
Ohio 
Oklahoma
Oregon 
Rhode Island 
South Carolina 
South Dakota 
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia 
West Virginia 
Wisconsin
Wyoming


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## Arta (Aug 16, 2012)

Yes, were both 51, married almost 28 years. Mainly text messages, not working late or anything like that. My daughter also works at the same place, so it would not be easy for anything To go on at work. As far as a name or marriage status, that is my reason for this post. I would have felt much more confident going to a lawyer with a name, not just "my wife is having an affair with someone, but I don't know who." I've been telling myself that I can't afford a divorce, but I know deep down that I can't afford not to. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. So I will start to make my plans for my next step.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Arta said:


> Yes, were both 51, married almost 28 years. Mainly text messages, not working late or anything like that. My daughter also works at the same place, so it would not be easy for anything To go on at work. As far as a name or marriage status, that is my reason for this post. I would have felt much more confident going to a lawyer with a name, not just "my wife is having an affair with someone, but I don't know who." I've been telling myself that I can't afford a divorce, but I know deep down that I can't afford not to. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. So I will start to make my plans for my next step.


Its cheaper to keep her, but sometimes living in constant mistrust and paranoia is horrible.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Sometimes you can't bluff and you just need to serve her with divorce papers. You've been married for 28 years, she's so used (tired) to you she may not bother to change because she may love this new lifestyle (addiction) more than you.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Wait, why not ask your daughter?

Right now, she MAY be appalled but covering for her mom in the mistaken belief that you don't know and she doesn't want to have you hurt.

But if you indicate some suspicion, you might be amazed (and appalled) at what your daughter knows...or suspects.

This was under the catagory "Critical Information"

As far as keeping your girl out of it? She's an adult.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

JCD said:


> Wait, why not ask your daughter?
> 
> Right now, she MAY be appalled but covering for her mom in the mistaken belief that you don't know and she doesn't want to have you hurt.
> 
> ...


This is exactly what I thought.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

The only problem I see with that is the daughter may want to protect *the mother* from being a 50 year old divorcee with few prospects.

So there is a downside.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Buy a cheap burner phone and ask your daughter to listen for it when you ring his number from your burner phone. 

Ask your daughter who the OM is if you heard his name. She may have lied about the name however.


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

the guy said:


> Ya be carefull the spy phone police are so concerned about you trying to catch your chic cheating they will make you there 1st priority.:lol:
> 
> Never reveal your source, when you do that your chance to confirm any recommitment from her goes out the window.
> Revealing your sources isa big time set up for a fake R.
> ...


No, when you get a divorce and she can prove there is spyware on her phone and coincidentally you have a susubscription to th same software, you will be on the losing end in the divorce or even worse, in jail.

The PI I used said that doing anything illegal in a divorce settlement is asking for trouble. Let the PI do it the legal way. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Seriously, carlton has gone around posting that its illegal to keylog and record voice conversations. Its not like you are taking any recordings to court which will not even be admissible (more than likely) and the police aren't going to do anything about it. It is illegal in some states but even if a spouse reports you for ILLEGAL/UNLAWFUL recording of their conversation/phone conversation, its not like they (WS) will GET A HOLD of the var/keylog and use that AS EVIDENCE to SUE YOU for unlawful recording, you just delete evidence and lie as the way wards do.
> 
> 
> "Hi yes 911, my husband just recorded me, showed me how much of a tramp and floozy I was, how much i leeched off him, cheated on him, he invaded my privacy and put a var in the house and in his car and he put a keylogger on the home computer and got my email password"
> ...


You are correct. Not sure what his agenda is.


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

the guy said:


> Ya be carefull the spy phone police are so concerned about you trying to catch your chic cheating they will make you there 1st priority.:lol:
> 
> Never reveal your source, when you do that your chance to confirm any recommitment from her goes out the window.
> Revealing your sources isa big time set up for a fake R.
> ...


There are wiretapping laws, and spyware would be illegal if you don't own the phone.

Why I agree this may be necessary to catch your cheating spouse, for yourself. There is also the possibility of you going to jail when she finds out you have been recording her conversations illegally. If you are going to do this, make sure you cover your tracks so things can't be traced back to you. And as said, never reveal your sources.

The list of single party consent states is just that. If one person consents, it is legal. That means if she is calling you, then it is legal to record it because you gave consent. If she is calling her OM, it is illegal because neither of them gave you consent to record their calls.

I think there are many other ways to recover messages and call logs that would not be illegal. Looking at the itemized monthly usage is a good way to find out who she has been calling, totally legal.

I know you are looking for a name, PI's can find a name from license plates. If they follow them, they will know who owns the car and can find them through DMV records. All they need to do is see their car.


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