# Reasons if a woman is unfaithful the marriage should be considered tainted forever



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

So let's place into perceptive why if a woman is ever unfaithful to a male partner the marriage can never recover.
When men cheat, not in all cases but in the majority, it`s mostly about lust and if caught there is still a chance to save the marriage.
When women cheat, even if just a drunken one night stand or a quickie in the back of a car somewhere, it means they are on the verge of or have already emotionally and mentally checked out from the relationship with their male partners.
After cheating the trust a male partner had is forever broken and can never be repaired. He will from then on have insecurities with his spouse, regardless how much he tries to forgive and forget he`ll never be able to trust this woman again.
He may eventually be able to forgive her but he`ll never be able to forget for the remainder of his married life.
If a male partner thinks he should forgive not wanting to have that tearing up apart inside, especially if a couple have children together, okay, but if forgiving the person he knows who's wronged him he`ll still never get the thought of his cheating spouse and the AP out of his head whatever she does for him, regardless of what kind of sexual acts she performs or anything else she does for him to try and make amends, it's never going to be something he can completely erase from his mind and that infidelity will always be in his mind when he is with her and thinking about that other guy.
Men should always be in a position to be able to navigate life from a position of strength and not let anything weaken them specifically someone they put a lot of love, resources and trust into.
They may try making the marriage work after a wife's infidelity but psychologically this will be extremely difficult.
Of course it`s just as bad if a man cheats, but if a woman cheats the marriage has much less chance of recovery for reasons I have mentioned.


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## NotEZ (Sep 23, 2012)

Thats true for males AND females who faced infidelity. 

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

True.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Sure. Forgive the dude. His offensive”no worries honey, I just thought the ho I banged was hotter, but I love you”. Sexist ********


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Women aren’t made of cement ya know ???

Outside of that fairly sexist statement I will say that woman tend to be a lot tougher mentally about these situations than men. Women can have a lot more pragmatic approach while men tend to fall apart with “but she is supposed to love me.”

It may seem cold and hard but the sexes operate differently.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

For either side, one can try to remedy the damage and try and get over it, but the stats suggest that it's often a decade long before it can really be put behind, assuming that it can be put behind. If you are up for that, more power to you and God bless.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Women aren’t tougher about being cheated on. Men just think it’s no big deal when they cheat and therefore they expect the woman to move on and take it


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

UAArchangel said:


> . If you are up for that, more power to you and God bless.


But if you’re not it’s probably a lot better choice 🤣🤣👌


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Women aren’t made of cement ya know ???
> 
> Outside of that fairly sexist statement I will say that woman tend to be a lot tougher mentally about these situations than men. Women can have a lot more pragmatic approach while men tend to fall apart with “but she is supposed to love me.”
> 
> It may seem cold and hard but the sexes operate differently.


do you mean except cheating ax a thing men do when say pragmatic? Because that’s a load. No woman I know excepts cheating stoically as their lot. Cheat on me and you’ll never speak to me again.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

snowbum said:


> Women aren’t tougher about being cheated on. Men just think it’s no big deal when they cheat and therefore they expect the woman to move on and take it


From all the stories we have seen in this place I don’t find that to be true. The guys usually have an emotional melt down but the gals are making logistical planning and wonder about wasted years. Neither is right or wrong …..just different. 
There are both men and women out there that thinking cheating is no big deal …. both are scum bags.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

snowbum said:


> do you mean except cheating ax a thing men do when say pragmatic? Because that’s a load. No woman I know excepts cheating stoically as their lot. Cheat on me and you’ll never speak to me again.


Oh hell no that’s not what I’m saying.
I’m saying women can handle it better mentally… not that it has anything to do with being acceptable for one sex and not the other.
That would totally be a load.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Women don’t handle it better. Where do you get that from?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

snowbum said:


> Women don’t handle it better. Where do you get that from?


From what we see in all the stories we read here on the forum. Of course it doesn’t apply to all but in general it seems that more men have a total meltdown over the issue. It is possible however that a large portion of men don’t show up here to begin with so their stories are never known. The “man meltdowns” took me by surprise when I first showed up here at TAM.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I find this to be true sadly. Men are forever tainted by a wife's cheating more so than women are at their husband's cheating. It sounds sexist and is so, I guess, but it is also the truth in general.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, I don't really agree as I've seen men move through it decisively, take action and charge and reconcile, healthy or not.

I've also seen women absolutely devastated and lost and hopeless. Those really make me wish I had their husbands in my mitts for a bit.😈

I'm also curious @gameopoly5 , I don't believe your wife has cheated? 

It doesn't preclude you from discussing the topic but I guess I wonder why you do it as much as you do?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> Women aren’t tougher about being cheated on.


Well I agree with this part.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I think saying women don’t care as much is way to sooth conscience. I also find it tich to lay blame on onusg be all butt hurt if the shoes on the other foot. I think it’s a blow to ego for men not love


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I don't really agree as I've seen men move through it decisively, take action and charge and reconcile, healthy or not.


Heck well now I’m curious. So if you took the majority of the stories we see here on TAM do you think that men or women handle the situation better ….as in able to cope, process, decide ???


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the only experience I have of it is when people come on here and tell us about the way they have been cheated on ,
and most start the topic trying to save it and some times we all 100% of us tell them to stop fooling themselves and file , ,
even then many still come back time again and again hoping one of us would think the relationship was worth saving , 

I can't say if there are more men than women and I can only think of the 99% of couples that go through it and never find this place and have no help or anyone to turn to 
it is hard to say how many forgive when we see so many come along and talk about their sexless marriage 
I know not all sexless relationships are from cheating , 

Again it is hard to say anything when we don't know the real numbers or cheaters , 
thinking ABOUT WHAT IS OFTEN SAID " women are better at hiding their cheating that men , 
and women are thought to except men's indiscretions


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

snowbum said:


> I think saying women don’t care as much is way to sooth conscience. I also find it tich to lay blame on onusg be all butt hurt if the shoes on the other foot. I think it’s a blow to ego for men not love


Care isn’t quite what I’m talking about. I’m saying affected…. I think the girls have a better shock response and coping ability.

Id say you are spot on about the ego blow for the guys.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> Heck well now I’m curious. So if you took the majority of the stories we see here on TAM do you think that men or women handle the situation better ….as in able to cope, process, decide


Depends but in the successful reconciliation cases with betrayal husbands, the men moved decisively and took the reigns of their lives. I even saw a very devastated man who reconciled, when it didn't seem too healthy to me, when I first got to this site. He did act swiftly and effectively though.

I've seen quite a few reconciliations by betrayed husbands here and the OP is kind of saying it ain't so.

I've also seen devastated women that just felt stuck but would have left if they could and others that certainly did end it, also in apparent contradiction to the OP.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Depends but in the successful reconciliation cases with betrayal husbands, the men moved decisively and took the reigns of their lives. I even saw a very devastated man who reconciled, when it didn't seem too healthy to me, when I first got to this site. He did act swiftly and effectively though.
> 
> I've seen quite a few reconciliations by betrayed husbands here and the OP is kind of saying it ain't so.
> 
> I've also seen devastated women that just felt stuck but would have left if they could and others that certainly did end it, also in apparent contradiction to the OP.


Based on your response it’s clear where I’m screwing this up. I’m talking about all cases of cheating and everyone else is talking about reconciliation cases.

Not to thread jack but how would you consider my question in all cases we see here ? Which sex is handling it better ?


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

If my husband cheats I will never trust him again. He can count of a divorce because I refuse to love someone I cannot trust.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> Based on your response it’s clear where I’m screwing this up. I’m talking about all cases of cheating and everyone else is talking about reconciliation cases.
> 
> Not to thread jack but how would you consider my question in all cases we see here ? Which sex is handling it better ?


Now I've definitely reviewed more cheating women threads than men because when I first came here, that was the research I was doing and 10 years ago it was difficult to get real research on female infidelity.

Anecdotally, I've also seen far more women cheating than men so that's going to skew my perceptions.

There are some pretty resilient women on this site that seemed to handle it as good as can be expected but some pretty impressive men as well.

If you're talking how men and women are devastated at possibly different levels and how they handle it? I think generally there are some differences. Men are more likely to suicide but men are more likely to do that in general as well. Men are also, maybe surprisingly, more likely to try and reconcile but again, most divorces are initiated these days by women anyway.

While no one really wins in these situations, men generally have more to lose and that does impact them much harder.

I definitely don't see the few cases where women lose the house, most of the time with their kids, have to pay child support and maintenance as examples of women handling it better. They are shrieking and pulling their hair out with wide eyes and trying to get everyone to feel sorry for them. (Obviously not all)

It really depends on an individual's standing and power during the crisis.

Stronger people and folks with control over their lives tend to do better, male or female.

Those with less control and more to lose tend to handle it worse.

I've seen men fight through some pretty devastating circumstances and continue on. I've had much less of a chance to observe women being served with bogus restraining orders, slapped with most financial responsibility for a home they can't enter and children they can't see while their soon to be ex brings strange women into the home to enjoy her hard work and see her children more than her.

I'm really not certain they would handle that any better.

These circumstances aren't every case but there are certainly generally more men in these predicaments than women.


If it was only infidelity and it's impact alone on an emotional, personal level? Historically men haven't had too difficult a time with it because divorce wasn't as punishing to them and wounding or killing the interloper was always an option.

It's really impossible to look at infidelity and it's impact on people without looking at what repercussions they face.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Now I've definitely reviewed more cheating women threads than men because when I first came here, that was the research I was doing and 10 years ago it was difficult to get real research on female infidelity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I've also seen far more women cheating than men so that's going to skew my perceptions.
> 
> ...


You can add to that, which may play off your standing and power, your ability to find a replacement mate. If you can drop one and get a new one in a short time, you are less likely to be in a personal crisis over infidelity. However, if you're not as able to replace your mate, you are probably going to get hit harder in the event your spouse was unfaithful.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UAArchangel said:


> You can add to that, which may play off your standing and power, your ability to find a replacement mate. If you can drop one and get a new one in a short time, you are less likely to be in a personal crisis over infidelity. However, if you're not as able to replace your mate, you are probably going to get hit harder in the event your spouse was unfaithful.


That's accurate but again, is also most often impacted by financial burdens and other repercussions that can get put on someone these days.

In the cases where someone wasn't very mentally healthy and too dependent on their mate and/or placing their whole identity and self worth and sense of wellbeing within the context of their mate's moods, acceptance and approval of them? Well those people are totally devastated and often can have trouble replacing their idol basically.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Now I've definitely reviewed more cheating women threads than men because when I first came here, that was the research I was doing and 10 years ago it was difficult to get real research on female infidelity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I've also seen far more women cheating than men so that's going to skew my perceptions.
> 
> ...


Your last statement is key and consistent with what I'm always saying.

Historically wonen HAD to handle male cheating because what were they going to do about it?

That gave some men the ridiculous idea that it's not as big of a deal for us. It's a nice way to excuse a wandering ****.

Ask my ex how forgiving I was.....lol.

Fortunately a lot of you guys have it figured out


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Your last statement is key and consistent with what I'm always saying.
> 
> Historically wonen HAD to handle male cheating because what were they going to do about it?
> 
> ...


You were actually one of those women I mentioned as handling it as good as anyone but I didn't want to name anyone.😉


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ask my ex how forgiving I was.....


As goes my “ People with options….have options “


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> You were actually one of those women I mentioned as handling it as good as anyone but I didn't want to name anyone.😉


You’re so polite….. for a barbarian 🤣


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think the OP is a bunch of sexist ********.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So long story short, dump them if they cheat?

Preaching to the choir lol


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I don't really agree as I've seen men move through it decisively, take action and charge and reconcile, healthy or not.
> 
> I've also seen women absolutely devastated and lost and hopeless. Those really make me wish I had their husbands in my mitts for a bit.😈
> 
> ...


I`m glad someone has asked about me.
I with my family and my now second wife have lived in Thailand for the last 20 years, we are in our 60s now and retired.
I`m originally from London, England. 
Back in the UK I was a legal executive for 14 years and was also a Samaritan for 2 years.
A UK legal executive is a type of civil case lawyer and does not work on criminal cases.
In my role as a legal executive I conducted many divorce cases for clients either suing for divorce or being sued for divorce.
The majority of my female clients were suing for divorce and the majority of my male clients were trying to defend themselves from their wives suing for divorce.

Not saying that all the wives did not have good cause for a divorce but what I took note of was that most of the women divorcing their husbands showed a lack of emotion, empathy or compassion, they wanted out and that was it.
On the other hand the men having to defend themselves from a divorce were still mostly wanting to stay with their wives and were devastated, some to a point of feeling suicidal. I also dealt with this in my capacity as a Samaritan.
My first wife and I were married in the 1970s, 7 years and 2 kids later she dumped me for a lover. This has not given me a hatred of women, it means the posts I create are from a lifetime of experience and are good subjects for discussion.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

gameopoly5 said:


> I`m glad someone has asked about me.
> I with my family and my now second wife have lived in Thailand for the last 20 years, we are in our 60s now and retired.
> I`m originally from London, England.
> Back in the UK I was a legal executive for 14 years and was also a Samaritan for 2 years.
> ...


Thank you. It makes a lot of sense now and I do believe men in the UK might just be more powerless in a divorce than their American counterparts so it would stand to reason they would be more devastated even than here.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

gameopoly5 said:


> I`m glad someone has asked about me.
> I with my family and my now second wife have lived in Thailand for the last 20 years, we are in our 60s now and retired.
> I`m originally from London, England.
> Back in the UK I was a legal executive for 14 years and was also a Samaritan for 2 years.
> ...


But your wife also was previously engaged which you never knew about until married and she refuses to discuss it with you. Perhaps if I were you I would have some skew in my outlook as well. Maybe that actually makes you a better person at some discussions because you have that experience but in this discussion it seems to have you slanted.

Earlier in this thread I learned my view of the men always falling apart and the girls “handling chit” when it comes to divorce might not be as accurate as I thought.

Do you think you are seeing through a filter ????


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gameopoly5 said:


> Not saying that all the wives did not have good cause for a divorce but what I took note of was that most of the women divorcing their husbands showed a lack of emotion, empathy or compassion, they wanted out and that was it.
> On the other hand the men having to defend themselves from a divorce were still mostly wanting to stay with their wives and were devastated, some to a point of feeling suicidal. I also dealt with this in my capacity as a Samaritan.


I wonder how many of those women checked out emotionally were already in affairs.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Mystic Moon said:


> If my husband cheats I will never trust him again. He can count of a divorce because I refuse to love someone I cannot trust.


Same.

And there are stories on here where men are in emotional affairs and “in love” and claiming no sex has happened so it’s not just women who “emotionally check out” of marriages. Men do, as well. I think men may have more ONS than women in terms of infidelity, from my observation. But a ONS to me, is just as bad as an affair in terms of damaging the marriage, because it would destroy my trust just the same.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Huh?

This reasoning does not apply to so many of the betrayed men who post here, on TAM.

This blog is a magnet for rug seekers, rug-sweepers, none from Iran or Turkey.

Many of the sad men who post here, live on Hopium.

They sincerely hope, their WW will return to the fold, and not share her warm fold with other penetrating, interlopers, ever again.

They want the TAM crowd to talk them off from the ledge, telling them that their dear wife, their SO, just made a mistake.

That, she will see the light, and become that loyal bride, their sweet singing *blue bird*, again.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

snowbum said:


> I think saying women don’t care as much is a way to soothe men's consciences. I also find it sick to lay blame on one to be all butt hurt if the shoes on the other foot. I think it’s a blow to his ego, for men, and that it is not love.


I say it is both.

Ego and his love.

Ladies have ego's also.
Ego and pride, are they not the same?

If a man did not love his wife, his SO, then yes, her cheating would only involve his wounded ego, that pride.
This is a not common in cheating tales.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Women aren’t made of cement ya know ???
> 
> Outside of that fairly sexist statement I will say that woman tend to be a lot tougher mentally about these situations than men. Women can have a lot more pragmatic approach while men tend to fall apart with “but she is supposed to love me.”
> 
> It may seem cold and hard but the sexes operate differently.


I disagree. My experience has been that women cheat for all sorts of reasons, including just for sex, and with the same frequency. I think it makes some men insecure to find out that many women have very strong sex drives, and, not infrequently have a higher drive than their male partner.
They are also every bit as visually stimulated by males consider very physically attractive, just like men are by attractive women.
Women have greater capacity forces than men. They require no recovery time between climaxes. Men, especially as they age, require a fair amount of time.
Nor are many men multi orgasmic. 
No, it is a myth that women require more emotional involvement than men. The reasons men and women remain in a marriage after there has been cheating vary, but many women stay just to avoid breaking up the family and to avoid disapproval or financial consequences, just like men.
Nor do some ever forget orvfirgive, just like men.
I think the same insecurities that will plague a betrayed man after his wife or girlfriend cheats are also felt by betrayed women.
There is some type of investment in trying to view the genders differently as regards both the motivation for cheating and its effect on the betrayed. 
I do think, based on my conversations with some of my guy friends, that some men are threatened by the concept that women like physically attractive men as much as men do physically attractive women, and that in reality, they may have less capacity and stamina for sex than some women. This frightens them, particularly the less physically attractive ones that are more reliant on female attraction to wealth, status, fame etc.
I believe it bothers some of the out of shape, more gnomish type high wage earners to have to face that their good looking wife is attracted to more physically fit, attractive men and that from a sexual,compatibility standpoint, would prefer relations with the more physically attractive guy. JMHO.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Megaforce said:


> I disagree. My experience has been that women cheat for all sorts of reasons, including just for sex, and with the same frequency. I think it makes some men insecure to find out that many women have very strong sex drives, and, not infrequently have a higher drive than their male partner.
> They are also every bit as visually stimulated by males consider very physically attractive, just like men are by attractive women.
> Women have greater capacity forces than men. They require no recovery time between climaxes. Men, especially as they age, require a fair amount of time.
> Nor are many men multi orgasmic.
> ...


I’m starting to think that I must explain myself as clear as mud 😅


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Based on your response it’s clear where I’m screwing this up. I’m talking about all cases of cheating and everyone else is talking about reconciliation cases.
> 
> Not to thread jack but how would you consider my question in all cases we see here ? Which sex is handling it better ?


I've noticed no real,difference between the sexes on this issue but have no real data. I do think, based on my reading other sites that this site draws a higher percentage of male victims than most others.
I have wondered why. I think it may be that it is one of the more tolerant sites for allowing harsh criticism of cheaters with less banning.
So, perhaps it attracts more men for that reason. And, the high number of male posters gives the impression that men are more devastated. On some other sites there are more women displaying this type of devastation.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> I’m starting to think that I must explain myself as clear as mud 😅


Yeah, I got off on a tangent. Sorry.
My subsequent post addresses your question, I think.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> I’m starting to think that I must explain myself as clear as mud 😅


I think my earlier response addressed some of the concepts in the original post vs your inquiry. Sorry. I should have quoted that post.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Megaforce said:


> I've noticed no real,difference between the sexes on this issue but have no real data. I do think, based on my reading other sites that this site draws a higher percentage of male victims than most others.
> I have wondered why. I think it may be that it is one of the more tolerant sites for allowing harsh criticism of cheaters with less banning.
> So, perhaps it attracts more men for that reason. And, the high number of male posters gives the impression that men are more devastated. On some other sites there are more women displaying this type of devastation.


It very well could be. I’m just trying to figure out why I think it is so much one way “dudes falling apart” when others aren’t reporting as much. I’m really the rough and tumble independent type so maybe what I perceive as weakness when guys come in here like that it really sticks in my mind. I get the whole gut wrenching second hand embarrassment thing. Perhaps that is why I’m seeing it wrong ….or just differently.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Megaforce said:


> I think my earlier response addressed some of the concepts in the original post vs your inquiry. Sorry. I should have quoted that post.


Nah that’s cool … my ADHD does

HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL 🐿. !!!!!!!

Uuummmm …What was I talking about ??


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

One key difference between men and women with respect to infidelity is that no women has ever had to worry that a child she's given birth to isn't hers because her partner cheated on her nor have they found out that children that they thought were theirs weren't years or decades later. It's not uncommon to see men in infidelity situations requesting paternity tests and some find out that children that they believed were theirs aren't, and I've read a few stories of men who discovered their partner's infidelity due to genetic tests years or even decaces later or got confessions of infidelity years later after showing interest taking hereditary genetic tests with their children, which can also show they aren't the biological father. No woman is going to be tricked into raising a child from an affair that she doesn't know isn't hers. I do think that plays into the dynamic of how men and women typically think about and respond to affairs and the risks that they take with reconciliation.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, if you were a divorce lawyer you should know as well as anyone that you don't know what went on in the marriage.

What you describe could've been me and my ex. I'm sure I came across as lacking empathy and of course he cried and didn't want the divorce.

But that was the end of 13 years of him having poor boundaries, throwing me under the bus to placate his ex wife and snotty daughter, his nasty passive aggressive **** followed by playing dumb, keeping an ex gf around the entire relationship, and threatening ME with a divorce he didn't actually want to bully me into rug sweeping.

You know how much empathy I got from him when he thought i wasn't leaving? ZERO.

So yes, by the time I filed my empathy was gone and he had a sadz. Poor him.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> One key difference between men and women with respect to infidelity is that no women has ever had to worry that a child she's given birth to isn't hers because her partner cheated on her nor have they found out that children that they thought were theirs weren't years or decades later. It's not uncommon to see men in infidelity situations requesting paternity tests and some find out that children that they believed were theirs aren't, and I've read a few stories of men who discovered their partner's infidelity due to genetic tests years or even decaces later or got confessions of infidelity years later after showing interest taking hereditary genetic tests with their children, which can also show they aren't the biological father. No woman is going to be tricked into raising a child from an affair that she doesn't know isn't hers. I do think that plays into the dynamic of how men and women typically think about and respond to affairs and the risks that they take with reconciliation.


I will give you that one....that is definitely tough for guys to deal with.

But let's not forget that we don't actually know how many other kids he might have running around. Granted we're not unknowingly raising kids that aren't ours but women who find out hubby knocked out kids with other women are pretty devastated. Hasn't happened to me but I've seen it.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Now I've definitely reviewed more cheating women threads than men because when I first came here, that was the research I was doing and 10 years ago it was difficult to get real research on female infidelity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I've also seen far more women cheating than men so that's going to skew my perceptions.
> 
> ...


This is very well thought out. I had not considered the disparate impact of custody, financial repercussions etc.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> I disagree. My experience has been that women cheat for all sorts of reasons, including just for sex, and with the same frequency. I think it makes some men insecure to find out that many women have very strong sex drives, and, not infrequently have a higher drive than their male partner.
> They are also every bit as visually stimulated by males consider very physically attractive, just like men are by attractive women.
> Women have greater capacity forces than men. They require no recovery time between climaxes. Men, especially as they age, require a fair amount of time.
> Nor are many men multi orgasmic.
> ...


True.

But woman are often more practical than men.
Certainly, those who have matured.

They weigh their options, more carefully than men.

Men, mostly want sexual relief, that ego boost, the ladies want as much as they can get.
Practical, therefore, is very often, best.

Yes, there are exceptions, there always are!
I attribute most of the exceptions to those, less mature ladies.

Men, so many never reach maturity.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Your last statement is key and consistent with what I'm always saying.
> 
> Historically wonen HAD to handle male cheating because what were they going to do about it?
> 
> ...


Yes, but that environment is, pretty much ancient history. For decades now, women have had the same options as men in jettisoning a cheater via divorce. I bet most of the men posting here are of a vintage where they grew up in a culture where divorce was just as accessible and acceptable for women.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Megaforce said:


> Yes, but that environment is, pretty much ancient history. For decades now, women have had the same options as men in jettisoning a cheater via divorce. I bet most of the men posting here are of a vintage where they grew up in a culture where divorce was just as accessible and acceptable for women.


Absolutely. But social change is slow and remnants of our parents and grandparents experiences filter down through families, so perceptions take a long time to change. Look how we still think of men as the provider even though women are quite capable of earning a living.

It will change in time.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> One key difference between men and women with respect to infidelity is that no women has ever had to worry that a child she's given birth to isn't hers because her partner cheated on her nor have they found out that children that they thought were theirs weren't years or decades later. It's not uncommon to see men in infidelity situations requesting paternity tests and some find out that children that they believed were theirs aren't, and I've read a few stories of men who discovered their partner's infidelity due to genetic tests years or even decaces later or got confessions of infidelity years later after showing interest taking hereditary genetic tests with their children, which can also show they aren't the biological father. No woman is going to be tricked into raising a child from an affair that she doesn't know isn't hers. I do think that plays into the dynamic of how men and women typically think about and respond to affairs and the risks that they take with reconciliation.


I think at the end of the day men are always going to have some kind of visceral reaction to being cheated on that stems from some deep, instinctive drive to ensure their own genetic lineage and not be cuckolded.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I think if 'generalizing and generalizations' became a bannable offense none of these hypothetical threads would exist and the membership here would be drastically reduced.
That's what I think.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I think if 'generalizing and generalizations' became a bannable offense none of these hypothetical threads would exist and the membership here would be drastically reduced.
> That's what I think.


But there can still be value….even if things wonder off a bit. All this stuff has been hashed out here countless times I agree. With that said I’m not the same person as when I showed up at TAM so sometimes it helps for me to hear it again with different colored glasses.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> It very well could be. I’m just trying to figure out why I think it is so much one way “dudes falling apart” when others aren’t reporting as much. I’m really the rough and tumble independent type so maybe what I perceive as weakness when guys come in here like that it really sticks in my mind. I get the whole gut wrenching second hand embarrassment thing. Perhaps that is why I’m seeing it wrong ….or just differently.


I also think we have to take into consideration the time between discovery and posting. It may well be that , initially, one gender reacts differently or seems more effected. Long term, after sufficient time has passed, the poster who initially seems devastated may well be thriving. Tough to know where the genders ultimately wind up after the initial trauma subsides.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Absolutely. But social change is slow and remnants of our parents and grandparents experiences filter down through families, so perceptions take a long time to change. Look how we still think of men as the provider even though women are quite capable of earning a living.
> 
> It will change in time.


This is a whole other interesting topic. There are decent arguments about whether the perception you mention is really all that prevalent these days. Might vary geographically, I expect. Not sure our parents and grandparents views persist all that much anymore with the rapidity in which things change these days. But, it is interesting to think about.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> True.
> 
> But woman are often more practical than men.
> Certainly, those who have matured.
> ...


I think you may underestimate women's desire to chase orgasms.(sexual relief). And, there is an argument that it is more readily available to a physically average or below average looking woman than for a similarly situated male.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I think if 'generalizing and generalizations' became a bannable offense none of these hypothetical threads would exist and the membership here would be drastically reduced.
> That's what I think.


Seems to me generalizing is ok here, so long as it is not too pejorative. 
Iin general, the stuff I keep reading doe domain fair amount of generalizing about a number of topics: Gender differences, cheater character and behavior pre and post discovery etc.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Nah that’s cool … my ADHD does
> 
> HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL 🐿. !!!!!!!
> 
> Uuummmm …What was I talking about ??


Me and my kids loved that movie, " Up". Dog's name was Doug, I think.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> But let's not forget that we don't actually know how many other kids he might have running around. Granted we're not unknowingly raising kids that aren't ours but women who find out hubby knocked out kids with other women are pretty devastated. Hasn't happened to me but I've seen it.


Sure, women have legitimate concerns here, too, that the partner will leave her or divert resources to a woman and/or child that isn't hers and women being betrayed later in life can have a harder time finding a new partner than an older man, so there are aspects that women may be more concerned about or have to deal with more than men. There is also the huge trust and jealousy component that's common to both men and women that shouldn't be ignored or downplayed. But my point is that men face a kind of betrayal that a woman never has to worry about from a cheating partner, finding out that they've wasted their entire life raising a child that isn't biologically theirs when they thought they were. And, yes, like adoptive parents, men can still love and be happy about children they've raised despite that, but it's still a huge blow to find out you don't have a blood bond with a child when you thought you did.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> One key difference between men and women with respect to infidelity is that no women has ever had to worry that a child she's given birth to isn't hers because her partner cheated on her nor have they found out that children that they thought were theirs weren't years or decades later. It's not uncommon to see men in infidelity situations requesting paternity tests and some find out that children that they believed were theirs aren't, and I've read a few stories of men who discovered their partner's infidelity due to genetic tests years or even decaces later or got confessions of infidelity years later after showing interest taking hereditary genetic tests with their children, which can also show they aren't the biological father. No woman is going to be tricked into raising a child from an affair that she doesn't know isn't hers. I do think that plays into the dynamic of how men and women typically think about and respond to affairs and the risks that they take with reconciliation.


This is a decent point and is not an uncommon concern ( myself included(( for good reason)) ). In my case, it arose sometime after the initial trauma had abated , to some extent. It rekindled the trauma for some period of time.
Just an aside, but something I was shocked when I read: Annarticle thatvIncan no longer get my hands on ( thisxwas long ago), claimed that a random study done in Canada pertaining to paternity fraud, actually showed that about 10 percent of all,fathers unbeknownst to them, werecraising at least one child sired by another guy. This seems incredible. 
So, if I am in a gathering of 100 fathers,, 10 of them are doing this? In a group ofv100 kids, 10 are not being raised by their bio dad, again unbeknownst?
Then, I realized the study was random, not limited to couples where the wife was known to have cheated. Assuming the study was valid( a big assumption), imagine if it had been limited to these types of couples. Incredible.


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## QuestionAssumptions (2 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP, if you were a divorce lawyer you should know as well as anyone that you don't know what went on in the marriage.


The sample may also be heavily skewed because of who needs divorce lawyers. Women who suck it up and stay married for their children or to keep their life aren't going to show up in divorce court, nor will their husbands no matter how unrepentant and cold. So a divorce lawyer may not see all of the women suffering to accept a cold cheating spouse because they don't wind up getting divorced as often.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> Sure, women have legitimate concerns here, too, that the partner will leave her or divert resources to a woman and/or child that isn't hers and women being betrayed later in life can have a harder time finding a new partner than an older man, so there are aspects that women may be more concerned about or have to deal with more than men. There is also the huge trust and jealousy component that's common to both men and women that shouldn't be ignored or downplayed. But my point is that men face a kind of betrayal that a woman never has to worry about from a cheating partner, finding out that they've wasted their entire life raising a child that isn't biologically theirs when they thought they were. And, yes, like adoptive parents, men can still love and be happy about children they've raised despite that, but it's still a huge blow to find out you don't have a blood bond with a child when you thought you did.


I used to see this raised in response to posts trying to portray betrayed women as having it tougher than betrayed men. And, it has weight in that debate.
Invariably, the response to it is as you have mentioned, those particular issues faced solely by women.
One of the side effects on some betrayed people, initially, is the proclivity toward viewing one's gender as having it worse and also now viewing the opposite sex with a jaundiced eye.
I know for me, I was quite taken aback by having my stereotype of women as the kinder, gentler, less sexually aggressive gender obliterated. 
I came to realize both genders have miscreants and neither betrayed gender suffers more than the other.


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## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

QuestionAssumptions said:


> One key difference between men and women with respect to infidelity is that no women has ever had to worry that a child she's given birth to isn't hers because her partner cheated on her nor have they found out that children that they thought were theirs weren't years or decades later. It's not uncommon to see men in infidelity situations requesting paternity tests and some find out that children that they believed were theirs aren't, and I've read a few stories of men who discovered their partner's infidelity due to genetic tests years or even decaces later or got confessions of infidelity years later after showing interest taking hereditary genetic tests with their children, which can also show they aren't the biological father. No woman is going to be tricked into raising a child from an affair that she doesn't know isn't hers. I do think that plays into the dynamic of how men and women typically think about and respond to affairs and the risks that they take with reconciliation.


Your right that is a uniquely male dilemma that would be absolutely devestating. 

The closest equivalent a betrayal a wife would suffer is finding out your cheating husband has a secret family he has been visiting and supporting. It is notorious among military spouses deployed elsewhere, pilots and long distance truck drivers. 
It's never right in either instance.

There is no excuse for cheating your spouse. It takes an exceptionally heartless and cowardly spouse to betray in such a way. 

I don't think men or women have the monopoly on bring the most wronged. When you love and trust someone and they betray you. The hurt runs as deep as the amount of love you had for them no matter the gender.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> I wonder how many of those women checked out emotionally were already in affairs.


I wonder how many of these women were checked out because their husbands were crap partners and had refused to address any of her legitimate, reasonable concerns over the years and blew her off until she was finally just done. Then they act all surprised and hurt.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> I wonder how many of these women were checked out because their husbands were crap partners and had refused to address any of her legitimate, reasonable concerns over the years and blew her off until she was finally just done. Then they act all surprised and hurt.


Well yeah the guy is responsible too for a marriage breaking down, but cheating is always the responsibility of the cheater.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> I wonder how many of these women were checked out because their husbands were crap partners and had refused to address any of her legitimate, reasonable concerns over the years and blew her off until she was finally just done. Then they act all surprised and hurt.


Likely, not surprised, certainly hurt.
I would hope, anyway.

Hurt, proves that love was truly present (a good thing).

Some partners expect their own faults and foibles to be tolerated.
Tolerated, forever, and a day.
Just because, because you and they vowed.

The day of reckoning for them (the crappy partner), thinking it, never to arrive.

We reap what we sow. 
If we sow dissent, we can lose a decent partner.

Patience is, needs to be finite.

Life is too short to suffer fools......long.

The married ones, might hang on, to suffer for a spell, nay, not forever.
Why should they, in this modern world, in this modern age?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

What a strange thread. I don’t think there is any difference in how obliterated a person is when an affair happens based on gender. There IS a difference based on person, possibly. 

When we speak about breakups in general I can see some gender based differences, many men aren’t comfortable expressing feelings. Many men find it unacceptable to look like a mess and seek the type of comfort and support from their friends that women do. We as women tend to describe IN DETAIL every moment of every terrible thing to our girlfriends 5 minutes afterward. I think men tend to shove things down, suffer in silence and in effect drag out the pain longer. Maybe an online forum is the only place they can express some of these feelings.

I don’t think it’s helpful to get the hard lined input from people who have never been cheated on before to base who handles it better either. Every woman I know has said “Cheating is a deal breaker.” But every single woman I know that was cheated on in fact tried to reconcile, including myself. It’s like saying, “I know exactly what I’ll feel and think if I get cancer. I’ll do xyz.” You cannot possibly understand the way it hits you and trauma it causes. Even the way it reads or looks from an outside perspective gives it no justice.

Perhaps I seemed more decisive in my thread, I doubt it. I was a hot mess. But I had ALREADY tried reconciling. My thread started shortly after DDay2. I can assure you the inability to eat, sleep, function, the panic attacks, the vomiting bile and constant shaking to where my teeth rattled unless I clenched them… it affected me greatly. I lost 15 pounds I had no business losing in 1 week. I looked and felt like death. But I saved a LOT of my devastation and heartache for my girlfriends that I didn’t express here. They were a lifeline. True, real support makes a huge difference in mental well being and how one gets through it. That’s my opinion.

It’s pretty insulting to say that men’s affairs aren’t that serious, while women cheating is very serious. Or that women don’t hurt, and men do hurt. Or that we handle it better and men don’t. That’s insulting for both genders.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> Seems to me generalizing is ok here, so long as it is not too pejorative.
> Iin general, the stuff I keep reading doe domain fair amount of generalizing about a number of topics: Gender differences, cheater character and behavior pre and post discovery etc.


Nah, Not OK here or anywhere.
When a poster says MEN or WOMEN with no clarification of some, few, or many, etc. it wreaks of hyperbole (because there is ALWAYS an exception) and opens a door for that statement to be dismissed by another poster solely because the op didn't clarify.
Women do it all the time. (See what I did there)
NAXALT at its finest happens here regularly and is always rampant in political discussions.
Also if whatever trait that is being suggested to the man or woman reading and it does not pertain to them then the concept is dismissed wholesale by the.
Hell, you can't even say 'men have penises and women have vaginas' anymore without clarifying the exceptions.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

snowbum said:


> Sure. Forgive the dude. His offensive”no worries honey, I just thought the ho I banged was hotter, but I love you”. Sexist ******


You act outraged, but a few years ago, there was a poster here on TAM who actually took the opposite approach. She maintained that women cheated because of some deficiency in the man not meeting the woman's needs, so the woman's cheating may be forgivable if the man improved himself to meet her needs. However, a man cheating was a sign of a defective man, and so she advised that women should never forgive a cheating man.

Strangely, she got a lot more support from women posters than @Mr.Married is getting from men in this thread. Men viewed her as a sexist female, but more women defended her than men are defending the OP in this thread. Which is particularly strange as her stance in a betrayed man's thread would imply "what did you do to make her cheat?", and did provoke some visceral reactions by other posters who had been betrayed spouses. OP is talking more in the abstract, and more about whole populations, whereas this prior poster made it much more personal.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> What a strange thread. I don’t think there is any difference in how obliterated a person is when an affair happens based on gender. There IS a difference based on person, possibly.
> 
> When we speak about breakups in general I can see some gender based differences, many men aren’t comfortable expressing feelings. Many men find it unacceptable to look like a mess and seek the type of comfort and support from their friends that women do. We as women tend to describe IN DETAIL every moment of every terrible thing to our girlfriends 5 minutes afterward. I think men tend to shove things down, suffer in silence and in effect drag out the pain longer. Maybe an online forum is the only place they can express some of these feelings.
> 
> ...


I do not think men stuff their feelings more. Of course this is anecdotal, but my male friends and acquaintances are pretty forthcoming with their feelings. I think they are just as open as my female friends and acquaintances.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Wolfman1968 said:


> You act outraged, but a few years ago, there was a poster here on TAM who actually took the opposite approach. She maintained that women cheated because of some deficiency in the man not meeting the woman's needs, so the woman's cheating may be forgivable if the man improved himself to meet her needs. However, a man cheating was a sign of a defective man, and so she advised that women should never forgive a cheating man.
> 
> Strangely, she got a lot more support from women posters than @Mr.Married is getting from men in this thread. Men viewed her as a sexist female, but more women defended her than men are defending the OP in this thread. Which is particularly strange as her stance in a betrayed man's thread would imply "what did you do to make her cheat?", and did provoke some visceral reactions by other posters who had been betrayed spouses. OP is talking more in the abstract, and more about whole populations, whereas this prior poster made it much more personal.


Yes, there is definitely a flipside to the oft proclaimed men get more of a pass than women for cheating because it is more acceptable, the allegation that the " boys will be boys" philosophy making it so.
The counter argument is that just as often, I see female cheating given more of a pass for the reasons you stated( the failure to meet emotional needs, communicate etc).
In my circle, cheating men face just as much disapproval and stigmatization as women cheaters. I see none of the" wink, wink, nod, nod" treatment that is sometimes alleged.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Nah, Not OK here or anywhere.
> When a poster says MEN or WOMEN with no clarification of some, few, or many, etc. it wreaks of hyperbole (because there is ALWAYS an exception) and opens a door for that statement to be dismissed by another poster solely because the op didn't clarify.
> Women do it all the time. (See what I did there)
> NAXALT at its finest happens here regularly and is always rampant in political discussions.
> ...


Right. I did not mean to imply I think it valid to generalize. Just that it is tolerated by the moderators here more than some other sites.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> Right. I did not mean to imply I think it valid to generalize. Just that it is tolerated by the moderators here more than some other sites.


 Gotcha. You're right about that. Fortunately, the excellent moderation team here does a great job of allowing respectful open discussion even if it's not necessarily PC.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

gameopoly5 said:


> ...When men cheat, *not in all cases but in the majority,* it`s mostly about lust and if caught there is still a chance to save the marriage.
> When women cheat, even if just a drunken one night stand or a quickie in the back of a car somewhere, it means they are on the verge of or have already emotionally and mentally checked out from the relationship with their male partners.
> After cheating the trust a male partner had is forever broken and can never be repaired. *He will from then on have insecurities with his spouse, regardless how much he tries to forgive and forget* he`ll never be able to trust this woman again.
> He may eventually be able to forgive her but he`ll never be able to forget for the remainder of his married life.
> ...





gameopoly5 said:


> .....The majority of my female clients were suing for divorce and the majority of my male clients were trying to defend themselves from their wives suing for divorce.
> 
> Not saying that all the wives did not have good cause for a divorce but what I took note of was that *most of the women divorcing their husbands showed a lack of emotion, empathy or compassion, they wanted out and that was it.*
> On the other hand the men having to defend themselves from a divorce were still mostly wanting to stay with their wives and were devastated, some to a point of feeling suicidal......


I think that in the society we are raised in there are certain learned and historic stereotypes that help define our perceptions of the world around us. These stereotypes are different in different cultural and ethnic upbringings. They are also just generalizations.

I believe that the ability to resolve an affair is more about the culture that raised the two participants and the help and mentoring the two are given, then about gender roles.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Livvie said:


> I think the OP is a bunch of sexist ******.


No, tell us how you really feel!? 🤣🤣🤣


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP, if you were a divorce lawyer you should know as well as anyone that you don't know what went on in the marriage.
> 
> What you describe could've been me and my ex. I'm sure I came across as lacking empathy and of course he cried and didn't want the divorce.
> 
> ...


You're definitely not coming from an unreasonable position with dumping the dead weight.

The sheer numbers alone, however, indicate something else going on with other divorce cases.

I've been doing some searching for research on this and might have a juicy thread soon. Hopefully.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Livvie said:


> I wonder how many of these women were checked out because their husbands were crap partners and had refused to address any of her legitimate, reasonable concerns over the years and blew her off until she was finally just done. Then they act all surprised and hurt.


Perhaps a percentage. All speculative. There are myriad reasons women file for divorce, just as there are for men.


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Sure. Forgive the dude. His offensive”no worries honey, I just thought the ho I banged was hotter, but I love you”. Sexist ******


That's not what the OP said.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Megaforce said:


> I do not think men stuff their feelings more. Of course this is anecdotal, but my male friends and acquaintances are pretty forthcoming with their feelings. I think they are just as open as my female friends and acquaintances.


No I’m sure not all men do this. But it is thought to be a big reason for higher suicide rates. I think perhaps like attracts like, you and your friends may have a different dynamic. The culture of American men has traditionally been that emotions are feminine and weak. That they must be stoic and strong. This might be changing…but I’m certainly used to the males who stuff their feelings. They were raised to do it and they encourage their sons to do it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Megaforce said:


> initially, one gender reacts differently or seems more effected.


Initially …… more effected

I think you are on to something with that one. I tend to pay more attention to the beginning of threads and disengage the longer they get so that is a combo of influence on my opinion.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> No I’m sure not all men do this. But it is thought to be a big reason for higher suicide rates. I think perhaps like attracts like, you and your friends may have a different dynamic. The culture of American men has traditionally been that emotions are feminine and weak. That they must be stoic and strong. This might be changing…but I’m certainly used to the males who stuff their feelings. They were raised to do it and they encourage their sons to do it.


Yes, I have heard the stereotype. I just don't agree with it.
In college, I shared a house with one guy and six women. The women definitely gossiped more but they did not have deep, emotional talks more frequently. 
I think there is a tendency to characterize this type of superficial gossip as revealing deep feelings gs and thoughts.
I think male suicide may be more common not because of the depths a man has sunk to but because men employ more drastic measures, like using a gun or hanging. Women, actually, attempt it more often than men, but are unsuccessful.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Megaforce said:


> Yes, I have heard the stereotype. I just don't agree with it.
> In college, I shared a house with one guy and six women. The women definitely gossiped more but they did not have deep, emotional talks more frequently.
> I think there is a tendency to characterize this type of superficial gossip as revealing deep feelings gs and thoughts.
> I think male suicide may be more common not because of the depths a man has sunk to but because men employ more drastic measures, like using a gun or hanging. Women, actually, attempt it more often than men, but are unsuccessful.


Hm. Ok. I guess we just see completely different things in our lives. That’s ok.

Regardless, I’m not trying to argue your personal life view with you, or the girls you knew in college. I was stating a pretty commonly studied social aspect in America, not a stereotype. I didn’t say all and I didn’t say you and the point has now become pointless and lost, so I’ll quit discussing it.

Here is my real point. Men and women don’t hurt differently. We aren’t a different species. Infidelity is equally as devastating and horrible, handling it differently may prolong the pain but it does not make it less intense or more intense because of gender.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Hm. Ok. I guess we just see completely different things in our lives. That’s ok.
> 
> Regardless, I’m not trying to argue your personal life view with you, or the girls you knew in college. I was stating a pretty commonly studied social aspect in America, not a stereotype. I didn’t say all and I didn’t say you and the point has now become pointless and lost, so I’ll quit discussing it.
> 
> Here is my real point. Men and women don’t hurt differently. We aren’t a different species. Infidelity is equally as devastating and horrible, handling it differently may prolong the pain but it does not make it less intense or more intense because of gender.


Sounds good. I guess it just bothers me that this stereotype, while not exactly the same as the one where I hear that men are less expressive, less in touch with their emotions, kind of stunted emotionally , seems contrary to so much evidence. The stuffing the feelings stereotype seems supportive of the one about the lack of depth emotionally. 
And, as we know, historically men have been great contributors to art, poetry, literature, psychology etc. 
I see this allegation about lack of emotional connection and communication brought up frequently by cheating women in an effort to justify their cheating.
Bridges of Madison County is a good example of this type of stereotype being used to garner sympathy for the woman cheater. 
I have worked in all types of jobs from manual labor to litigation. I have friends from all walks of life and many of the men are extremely in touch with their feelings and good communicators. 
I feel one should always be skeptical of any claimed justification , including the allegation that someone felt his or her spouse drove them to cheat because he or she was not Express feelings enough.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Megaforce said:


> Sounds good. I guess it just bothers me that this stereotype, while not exactly the same as the one where I hear that men are less expressive, less in touch with their emotions, kind of stunted emotionally , seems contrary to so much evidence. The stuffing the feelings stereotype seems supportive of the one about the lack of depth emotionally.
> And, as we know, historically men have been great contributors to art, poetry, literature, psychology etc.
> I see this allegation about lack of emotional connection and communication brought up frequently by cheating women in an effort to justify their cheating.
> Bridges of Madison County is a good example of this type of stereotype being used to garner sympathy for the woman cheater.
> ...


Yeah I don't think men have any less emotions than women or get any less upset or less sad or less anxious, less fearful or less resentful than women - they are just expected to run into burning buildings, catch criminals, build pyramids and jump out of airplanes behind enemy lines anyway. 

Men are expected to maintain stoic virtues (Wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) in spite of emotions, not due to lack of them.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah I don't think men have any less emotions than women or get any less upset or less sad or less anxious, less fearful or less resentful than women - they are just expected to run into burning buildings, catch criminals, build pyramids and jump out of airplanes behind enemy lines anyway.
> 
> Men are expected to maintain stoic virtues (Wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) in spite of emotions, not due to lack of them.


I agree. Men are thought of as disposable.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Megaforce said:


> I agree. Men are thought of as disposable.


My point has gone completely off the rails now. 🤣

No. Men are not disposable, I don’t know of anyone who thinks men are disposable. But oldshirt did express my point exactly! And here it is:




oldshirt said:


> Men are expected to maintain stoic virtues (Wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) in spite of emotions, not due to lack of them.


When faced with expressing incredible pain and hurt, many males don’t feel comfortable or right showing emotional vulnerability to their friends… or anyone. I didn’t say that makes them somehow emotionally retarded, I’m just stating what societal norms are, and what many fathers have taught generations of sons to do. Stop crying and toughen up.

I see it done here on TAM all the time by other males. How many times do we see men throwing out “weak”, “beta” etc? There are degrees of everything but, it’s isn’t a stereotype. It’s just how it is, and I’m sorry, but it is perpetuated by males too…


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> My point has gone completely off the rails now. 🤣
> 
> No. Men are not disposable, I don’t know of anyone who thinks men are disposable. But oldshirt did express my point exactly! And here it is:
> 
> ...


There are a couple of American TV shows that can be viewed on YouTube, Paternity Court with Judge Lake and Couples Court With The Cutlers.
Couples Court is when partners or spouses are given lie detector tests to discover if they`d been cheating or not and Paternity Court is where female partners and their children are given paternity DNA tests to establish if their male partners or husbands are the fathers of their children or not.
When female partners or wives are proven to have cheated or are cheating or the men shown not to be the biological fathers of their children, in most of these TV shows the men transform into a sobbing mess and the women stand there with smirking looks on their faces.
In the past I`ve had male friends who`s wives have left them literally crying to me on the phone.
Women don`t respect emotional men and perceive this as a weakness, they have more respect for men who will react in strong masculine ways and display assertiveness towards them, because that`s how most women expect men to be. This is why in old censuses husbands were listed as the heads of a household.
Of course both men and women have emotions but in different ways and of a whole different mindset.
And yes, if women become bored in a relationship for whatever reasons, they can discard their male partners within an instant.
And this is why it is mostly the nice guys and the good guys that get cheated on and disrespected by women. FACT.
This is my whole point as to why if women are unfaithful it will be much more difficult to reconcile the relationships.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Been here awhile. I've see affairs start from, unresolved trauma, unresolved childhood trauma, Addiction, spousal neglect, Sociopathy, etc. The reasons for them all vary. The ones I personally detest most are the ones absent Trauma and Mental inability, where the person just chooses to put themselves and emotional happiness (not wellbeing) above EVERYTHING else. Male or Female does not matter at all in infidelity. Excuses are just that divorce, dump, do anything else but cheat. The factors I see determining whether or not a relationship survive is length of the affairs', depth of emotional attachment in the affair, and finally whether or not there was sexual acts involved. 

I dealt with an Emotional Affair and caught on early and broke it up before things got too far. Had I not discovered anything for a few more weeks then I would likely not have gotten back with my wife. Actually we almost ended up in divorce because even after the affair unresolved trauma manifested in other damaging ways. Luckily my wife did the hard work with a therapist and got healthy. Most of the time infidelity is not the only thing going on in these relationships. 

Regardless of gender, if the affair was the only thing that happened I think relationships are salvageable. However if the infidelity is going on and the WS or WW is abusive, addict in any form, emotionally unavailable, so and so forth. The capacity for the betrayed to forgive and accept past behavior is much less than before the affair.


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## Julieee85 (3 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> So let's place into perceptive why if a woman is ever unfaithful to a male partner the marriage can never recover.
> When men cheat, not in all cases but in the majority, it`s mostly about lust and if caught there is still a chance to save the marriage.
> When women cheat, even if just a drunken one night stand or a quickie in the back of a car somewhere, it means they are on the verge of or have already emotionally and mentally checked out from the relationship with their male partners.
> After cheating the trust a male partner had is forever broken and can never be repaired. He will from then on have insecurities with his spouse, regardless how much he tries to forgive and forget he`ll never be able to trust this woman again.
> ...


You didn't make a question, but seem to have considered that chances of reconciliation are better in the case of a man cheating than a woman doing the same to a man. Apparently because men don't mean it when they cheat. Or because women are more forgiving, but I didn't find this latter assumption in your text. I would like to make the point that people (men and women) can be deeply hurt by many types of betrayal, not just sexual intercourse and this comes as a validation for men that lose trust in their wives even if they never had sex with other men. I have come to believe that most people will never find final evidence of betrayal and if they expect so they will fool themselves into denying major signs of disloyalty (even if sex outside the marriage never happened or you can't prove it did - which seems to happen in a lot of situations). Let's say your wife has a close male friend and she frequently goes for coffee meet-ups or texts him a lot and even if you could read those texts or listen to those conversations you wouldn't see anything malicious, however, you could be deeply hurt and consider a divorce because you could feel like her emotional energy and happiness was going somewhere else. Would you remain married because she never had sex with the other men? Yet he is the first she tells about her plans or last night's weird dream about a fluorescent owl?
For many people, betrayal is more than intercourse and intercourse is just a culmination of a deep process of detachment and devaluing, after all, sex requires intimacy and if it doesn't, maybe there is a lack of sense in the value of the other as a human being, be this other one's spouse or a person hired to perform sex.
There can be emotional detachment while one remains physically "loyal", but how does it feel when you meet friends and her male friend tells you to order salmon because this is her favorite dish in that restaurant and you never went there with her? Well, no sex, no cheating. Easy, isn't it? I don't think so. If it makes one uncomfortable, than there is a sort of cheating there. And just having sex is never just having sex. If marriages remain after that it depends on the two involved, and it is not easier for a woman to forgive and forget. She may just be indifferent to that man or decide to make the rest of his life a living hell while still wearing the wedding ring.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah I don't think men have any less emotions than women or get any less upset or less sad or less anxious, less fearful or less resentful than women - they are just expected to run into burning buildings, catch criminals, build pyramids and jump out of airplanes behind enemy lines anyway.
> 
> Men are expected to maintain stoic virtues (Wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) in spite of emotions, not due to lack of them.


Expecting one gender to have a monopoly on running into burning buildings and fight wars etc.indicates they are thought to be disposable. Like the old " women and children first" deal on sinking ships. The kids, I understand.
But a post menopausal women's a guy in his child rearing years? How does that serve the purpose of keeping the species going?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Megaforce said:


> Expecting one gender to have a monopoly on running into burning buildings and fight wars etc.indicates they are thought to be disposable. Like the old " women and children first" deal on sinking ships. The kids, I understand.
> But a post menopausal women's a guy in his child rearing years? How does that serve the purpose of keeping the species going?


In order...
Children-> Women -> LGBTQ+-> Pets -> vermin ->...-> white 'cis' males


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

UAArchangel said:


> You can add to that, which may play off your standing and power, your ability to find a replacement mate. If you can drop one and get a new one in a short time, you are less likely to be in a personal crisis over infidelity. However, if you're not as able to replace your mate, you are probably going to get hit harder in the event your spouse was unfaithful.


I think also, for men a cheating wife calls into question many times, are your kids really your kids. If they have not had any, it will also be a fight within them selves that if they reconcile, and kids are born in future, there is more of a chance that they will not be yours. A woman never worries about if a child is hers or not.

Luckily everyone that knows my family always commented how I have marked my kids and call them mini- me's.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Livvie said:


> I wonder how many of these women were checked out because their husbands were crap partners and had refused to address any of her legitimate, reasonable concerns over the years and blew her off until she was finally just done. Then they act all surprised and hurt.


Then you have to get into how many of those women talked in inuindos and code about issues, but did not come strait out and speak exactly what was bothering them to the men. The ol' he should be able to read my mind. 

My wife early on was upset about preconceived ideas in her head and made assumptions and acted accordingly, but never came out and said she was upset about such and such and she thinks this.....her motto was also, " Say what you mean and mean what you say!" It apparently just did not apply to her. 

SHe could talk in riddles and say she said something, but at same time, take what you say and infer that you really mean this. There were times I was like, where the hell did that come from! Nothing of the sort was spoken by me! 

They say men are from Mars, women from Venus. Venus my ass, there are a large number that are from the other blue planet, called Pluto, because they are WAY the crap out there in their thought process. 🤣


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

QuietRiot said:


> No I’m sure not all men do this. But it is thought to be a big reason for higher suicide rates. I think perhaps like attracts like, you and your friends may have a different dynamic. The culture of American men has traditionally been that emotions are feminine and weak. That they must be stoic and strong. This might be changing…but I’m certainly used to the males who stuff their feelings. They were raised to do it and they encourage their sons to do it.


I broke that chain with my boys. And myself about 14 yrs into my marriage.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

gameopoly5 said:


> So let's place into perceptive why if a woman is ever unfaithful to a male partner the marriage can never recover.
> When men cheat, not in all cases but in the majority, it`s mostly about lust and if caught there is still a chance to save the marriage.
> When women cheat, even if just a drunken one night stand or a quickie in the back of a car somewhere, it means they are on the verge of or have already emotionally and mentally checked out from the relationship with their male partners.
> After cheating the trust a male partner had is forever broken and can never be repaired. He will from then on have insecurities with his spouse, regardless how much he tries to forgive and forget he`ll never be able to trust this woman again.
> ...


This is ********. Infidelity is the same for women and men. Women also are hurt and can never really trust the husband, the main difference is that she often relies on the husband financially and has to ensure the kids are ok, so usually has the short end of the stick. Many women stay and forgive because they have less options.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> Women aren’t made of cement ya know ???
> 
> Outside of that fairly sexist statement I will say that woman tend to be a lot tougher mentally about these situations than men. Women can have a lot more pragmatic approach while men tend to fall apart with “but she is supposed to love me.”
> 
> It may seem cold and hard but the sexes operate differently.


There is ZERO even remotely sexist in what @gameopoly5 said. That women who cheat tend to check out of the relationship first is a psychotherapeutic reality, not trivial. Mary Joe Rapini has HUNDREDS of videos on this issue.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

gameopoly5 said:


> There are a couple of American TV shows that can be viewed on YouTube, Paternity Court with Judge Lake and Couples Court With The Cutlers.
> Couples Court is when partners or spouses are given lie detector tests to discover if they`d been cheating or not and Paternity Court is where female partners and their children are given paternity DNA tests to establish if their male partners or husbands are the fathers of their children or not.
> When female partners or wives are proven to have cheated or are cheating or the men shown not to be the biological fathers of their children, in most of these TV shows the men transform into a sobbing mess and the women stand there with smirking looks on their faces.
> In the past I`ve had male friends who`s wives have left them literally crying to me on the phone.
> ...


You can certainly post here and give an obvious biased opinion and then say it’s FACT, but that does not actually make it FACT. I don’t base reality off court shows and television or celebrity relationships. But sure. I guess a lot of people do think media, Hollywood and C rate court TV is realistic.

Women are not some different evil, conniving species sir. We bleed, hurt and have the same pain. But if it’s a FACT to you that we are cold and callous, and a male cheater is much more innocent and minor in his offenses, so be it. I will hold to my viewpoint that there are amazing and wonderful women in this world, and there are amazing and wonderful men in this word. Then there is the trash… and it doesn’t matter what’s residing between their legs. Trash is trash, pigs are pigs. Period


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

BoSlander said:


> There is ZERO even remotely sexist in what @gameopoly5 said. That women who cheat tend to check out of the relationship first is a psychotherapeutic reality, not trivial. Mary Joe Rapini has HUNDREDS of videos on this issue.


Red pill is a very good educational tool for a man but makes a terrible mantra for his life.

It’s OK wife I just cheated for lust so it’s no big thing.

Maybe you missed the second paragraph of the opening statement.

I had previously stated in another thread that you should be careful not to become a woman hater. I understand that you have had a very unfortunate experience and believe me I know it must be horrible. I would never wish that on any man or woman. Don’t become one of “those guys”. Your future and outlook of the relationship landscape depends on it.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Red pill is a very good educational tool for a man but makes a terrible mantra for his life.
> 
> It’s OK wife I just cheated for lust so it’s no big thing.
> 
> ...


If it is a very good educational tool, why not abide by it in one's life? Seems contradictory. 

Anyway, the way I see it is that betrayed men often start researching things like hypergamy and female capacity for deceit and meanness. Many men were brought up to believe that males have greater capability in those areas, and this research is helpful in dispelling that. 
I know I was shocked at the studies about female domestic violence , and the incidence of infidelity among women.
Did not make me a woman hater. Just enlightened me that I need to be less trusting.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> *Moderator Warning *You were banned because your post broke the rules.


Matt, what rule?

And, if you don’t mind me asking, why are you warning me?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

You know what? Don’t even answer that.

Anyone know how I can close my account?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BoSlander said:


> Matt, what rule?
> 
> And, if you don’t mind me asking, why are you warning me?


These are the rules. New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself!

You broke rules 1, 3 and 15.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BoSlander said:


> You know what? Don’t even answer that.
> 
> Anyone know how I can close my account?


I'll do it for you if you wish?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BoSlander said:


> Women hater is someone who hates women.
> 
> Plain and simple.
> 
> ...


Some of your points which have merit seem lost in anger. 

Many people (including myself) believe there is no “female” or “male” way of doing things, feeling, or being. I’ve lashed out at people on here too, I’m not trying to throw rocks at you. But can you really not see how polarizing your posts can be? That you do have a theme of thinking poorly of “American females these days!”. That’s a huge group of people to speak poorly of so yes, you’re going to get a lot more people that disagree with your viewpoints.

Obviously you’re under no obligation to consider my viewpoints, nobody is. I’m just saying even when I try to consider yours, a lot of times it’s lost in bitterness. Just something to consider.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> These are the rules. New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself!
> 
> You broke rules 1, 3 and 15.


Can you please close my account?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> I'll do it for you if you wish?


Please.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Man, I miss all the good sh*t!!!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> Oh hell no that’s not what I’m saying.
> I’m saying women can handle it better mentally… not that it has anything to do with being acceptable for one sex and not the other.
> That would totally be a load.


Women don't start thinking about doing a murder/suicide because a man cheats, but there are 600 of those yearly in the US alone. Three times that number for men murdering women without then committing suicide. 

Excerpts from a study by Sophia Rahman
"The ideas of entitlement bound up in masculinity are, in some cases, deadly." 

*"What were your key findings?*
We found that in the vast majority of cases, men kill their partners because of sexual jealousy. Either at the point where the female says "I've had enough of you whacking on me, I'm out of here,"—because 65 percent of the men have previously used violence on their partners—or after they'd left. What generally happens is he wants the woman and thinks she's his, so he tries to get her back. Often, he tries cajoling her or, ironically, beating her up. In these cases, eventually they realize she won't come back and change the project to annihilating her.
The intimate partner murders were some of the most intentional killers we saw. Many had problematic childhoods and adulthoods, a lot had alcohol problems and were unemployed. But there were a proportion who didn't have any convictions, or alcohol issues, and were regularly employed. These guys had the same proprietary orientations towards their partner. Whether she's middle or working class, she's left him and she's had it. We also found 62 collateral murders. These involved the killing of either her children, or "protectors" such as friends, relatives, new boyfriends, and husbands, which shows you how important this sense of possessiveness is."


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I think saying women don’t care as much is way to sooth conscience. I also find it tich to lay blame on onusg be all butt hurt if the shoes on the other foot. I think it’s a blow to ego for men not love


Ego blow is what I've always seen. They want the myth of their reputation to continue that they are a successful hot guy with a hot wife -- and then she doesn't want him anymore, and to say butthurt doesn't even begin to describe it. I think we're all butthurt when cheated on, but our whole ego doesn't revolve around our vaginas. Hurt, I get. Hurt and try to fix it, but then let it go. That's what a balanced person eventually must do.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Ego blow is what I've always seen. They want the myth of their reputation to continue that they are a successful hot guy with a hot wife -- and then she doesn't want him anymore, and to say butthurt doesn't even begin to describe it. I think we're all butthurt when cheated on, but our whole ego doesn't revolve around our vaginas. Hurt, I get. Hurt and try to fix it, but then let it go. That's what a balanced person eventually must do.


Probably a small percentage of men, just like sex offenders. The majority are male, but they constitute a minuscule % of the male population. Most guys just move on without retaliation.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Julieee85 said:


> You didn't make a question, but seem to have considered that chances of reconciliation are better in the case of a man cheating than a woman doing the same to a man. Apparently because men don't mean it when they cheat. Or because women are more forgiving, but I didn't find this latter assumption in your text. I would like to make the point that people (men and women) can be deeply hurt by many types of betrayal, not just sexual intercourse and this comes as a validation for men that lose trust in their wives even if they never had sex with other men. I have come to believe that most people will never find final evidence of betrayal and if they expect so they will fool themselves into denying major signs of disloyalty (even if sex outside the marriage never happened or you can't prove it did - which seems to happen in a lot of situations). Let's say your wife has a close male friend and she frequently goes for coffee meet-ups or texts him a lot and even if you could read those texts or listen to those conversations you wouldn't see anything malicious, however, you could be deeply hurt and consider a divorce because you could feel like her emotional energy and happiness was going somewhere else. Would you remain married because she never had sex with the other men? Yet he is the first she tells about her plans or last night's weird dream about a fluorescent owl?
> For many people, betrayal is more than intercourse and intercourse is just a culmination of a deep process of detachment and devaluing, after all, sex requires intimacy and if it doesn't, maybe there is a lack of sense in the value of the other as a human being, be this other one's spouse or a person hired to perform sex.
> There can be emotional detachment while one remains physically "loyal", but how does it feel when you meet friends and her male friend tells you to order salmon because this is her favorite dish in that restaurant and you never went there with her? Well, no sex, no cheating. Easy, isn't it? I don't think so. If it makes one uncomfortable, than there is a sort of cheating there. And just having sex is never just having sex. If marriages remain after that it depends on the two involved, and it is not easier for a woman to forgive and forget. She may just be indifferent to that man or decide to make the rest of his life a living hell while still wearing the wedding ring.


Some posters on here try to use a strategy of placing me on the defence, therefore the thread becomes an argument against me rather than a discussion regarding the topic in general.
Sorry, but that won`t work with me and not falling for that one.
In no ways have or are any of my posts been derogatory against women and I will answer your questions as it appears you do not understand my OP.
*Apparently because men don't mean it when they cheat.*
Cheating is an absolute choice never a mistake.
*Or because women are more forgiving.*
Once a partner cheats, regardless whether they be men or women the relationship is tainted forever.
*I would like to make the point that people (men and women) can be deeply hurt by many types of betrayal, not just sexual intercourse.*
Agreed.
*Let's say your wife has a close male friend and she frequently goes for coffee meet-ups or texts him a lot and even if you could read those texts or listen to those conversations you wouldn't see anything malicious, however, you could be deeply hurt and consider a divorce because you could feel like her emotional energy and happiness was going somewhere else. Would you remain married because she never had sex with the other men? Yet he is the first she tells about her plans or last night's weird dream about a fluorescent owl?*
If a partner has a close similar age friend of the opposite sex and that partner is frequently texting or frequently in communication having personal conversations and feelings that they are not disclosing with their partners and is having regular meetings with that person, regardless whether at coffee cafes or wherever, that is still dating, then that has to be considered as emotional cheating even if there is nothing physical between them and it`s well known that emotional cheating is a stepping stone to physical cheating.
No, I would not be OK with that and vice-versa if I was doing the same, because this is not befitting behaviour for a married person.
I would not go to the extremes of considering a divorce, but I would strongly be displaying my displeasure to my wife and if this continued then I would have to assume my wife is in affair mode and decide my way forward from there.
*There can be emotional detachment while one remains physically "loyal", but how does it feel when you meet friends and her male friend tells you to order salmon because this is her favorite dish in that restaurant and you never went there with her?*
This works the same vice-versa, and for me this would be a massive red flag.
I would be investigating this much further and if discovering my wife had been dating and having secret rendezvous`s with some guy behind my back the marriage would be going downhill from then on and if discovering they had been hooking up and physical together, I would be visiting a lawyer and filing for divorce the following day.
*It is not easier for a woman to forgive and forget.*
Of course not, women can feel emotional pain as much as men, maybe even more so.

The point I am making in my OP that perhaps I did not make clear enough, is that men who cheat on their female partners are still dirtbags, only when men cheat it mostly involves se*ual lust, such as a bit on the side, an opportunist se*ual encounter and when women cheat it is more emotional and they will have feelings and even fall in love with their AP`s or if having ONS it could mean they have already mentally checked out from their relationships.
When men are caught cheating many will not want to leave their wives and go for a divorce because they have too much to lose and why when women have affairs with married men believing all the BS that these men will leave their wives and families for them it mostly ends in tears for the women, because those women were being used by the married guys as a bit on the side not for love in most cases.
When a woman cheats she`ll gain strong emotional feelings towards her AP and even if the husband agrees to reconcile with her, it is likely she`ll still hold feelings for her AP and this is a situation I couldn`t live with and would only see a divorce as my most viable option.
Sorry, but this is the only ways I can explain this and some may agree to disagree.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> So let's place into perceptive why if a woman is ever unfaithful to a male partner the marriage can never recover.
> When men cheat, not in all cases but in the majority, it`s mostly about lust and if caught there is still a chance to save the marriage.
> When women cheat, even if just a drunken one night stand or a quickie in the back of a car somewhere, it means they are on the verge of or have already emotionally and mentally checked out from the relationship with their male partners.
> After cheating the trust a male partner had is forever broken and can never be repaired. He will from then on have insecurities with his spouse, regardless how much he tries to forgive and forget he`ll never be able to trust this woman again.
> ...


From my readings, a women is most likely to cheat in her 20's, just before she marries, just after her children grow up and leave the home and when she is about to enter her 50's. I think it is reasonably easy to imagine why it is done at points in life. It is also a clue as to when it may be worth paying her more attention at these points.

A man, however, if he is a cheater, will consistently cheat throughout his life.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

From a biological sense, there is definitely a difference between male and female infidelity. Analyzing the results of infidelity (ignoring, for the moment, the reasons for infidelity), it makes less sense for the male to reconcile. For the female, if the male proves that he can stick around and take care of her and her offspring, it may make sense to reconcile. For the male, the female has proven that she may cheat. This threatens the males ability to express his DNA in the next generation.

In other words, a male staying with a cheating female partner may mean the generational death of that male. Evolution means that those males that have made it this far are less likely to have taken that risk.

So, we should expect to see different reactions to infidelity (in general) between males and females. It isn't the male ego. Rather, it is a genetic disposition to take a path that is more likely to allow the male to have their own offspring and spread their DNA. For the female, it is a better bet, in an evolutionary sense, to stay, if the infidelate male is willing to stick around.

One way to look at it is that female infidelity is more dangerous to male generational survival than male infidelity is to female. It's less painful and safer to stay for a women, because it's actually a safer choice (in an evolutionary sense).


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FakeNews001 said:


> From a biological sense, there is definitely a difference between male and female infidelity. Analyzing the results of infidelity (ignoring, for the moment, the reasons for infidelity), it makes less sense for the male to reconcile. For the female, if the male proves that he can stick around and take care of her and her offspring, it may make sense to reconcile. For the male, the female has proven that she may cheat. This threatens the males ability to express his DNA in the next generation.
> 
> In other words, a male staying with a cheating female partner may mean the generational death of that male. Evolution means that those males that have made it this far are less likely to have taken that risk.
> 
> ...


On top of it if there are his kids involved and say she gets knocked up by AP. Now she is gonna take his kids away from him half the time, half his earnings, that now she is going to use to fund her escapades or support the APs child with his money. It would severely piss me off. Ego would have nothing to do with it, it would be trying to keep a handle on my rage due to the blatant DISRESPECT by SO and AP.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I will take for granted that you are looking for the male point of view.

Guys are always in competition with other guys, we grew up playing sports and fighting to prove our worth. We take that into finding someone to love and spend the rest of our life with. This is so ingrained into our being that a woman will never have a clue how her betrayal hurts us. It’s the loss of all trust in the woman we dedicated our life to. It was never about who she might have been with before we met her. It’s about who she through everything away for. She can say it has nothing to do with the AP and that her husband wasn’t lacking anything until she is blue in the face. The fact remains she chose him over her husband.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> I will take for granted that you are looking for the male point of view.
> 
> Guys are always in competition with other guys, we grew up playing sports and fighting to prove our worth. We take that into finding someone to love and spend the rest of our life with. This is so ingrained into our being that a woman will never have a clue how her betrayal hurts us. It’s the loss of all trust in the woman we dedicated our life to. It was never about who she might have been with before we met her. It’s about who she through everything away for. She can say it has nothing to do with the AP and that her husband wasn’t lacking anything until she is blue in the face. The fact remains she chose him over her husband.


Exactly......my mother did this and monkey-beanched to an abusive, alcoholic, asshat. So much better for everyone....not


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

BootsAndJeans said:


> Exactly......my mother did this and monkey-beanched to an abusive, alcoholic, asshat. So much better for everyone....not


Know the feeling.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You act like a piece on the side is normal. Expected . And women that object are crazy. Any one who cheats for ant reason can F right off. No man is that special, what a piece?Have the whole thing. Just know I’m out and saying lust cheating doesn’t mean as much is bat **** crazy. I’d never stay with a cheater. No tolerance. My husband cheats, he’s no longer my husband. Zero tolerance. Men don’t get special treatment. Why would I ever respect or have a relationship with a cheating ****head? Women don’t like that.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> You act like a piece on the side is normal. Expected . And women that object are crazy. Any one who cheats for ant reason can F right off. No man is that special, what a piece?Have the whole thing. Just know I’m out and saying lust cheating doesn’t mean as much is bat **** crazy. I’d never stay with a cheater. No tolerance. My husband cheats, he’s no longer my husband. Zero tolerance. Men don’t get special treatment. Why would I ever respect or have a relationship with a cheating ****head? Women don’t like that.


Exactly! Marriage becomes null and void, i will send my wife in writing I am divorcing her, at that time I am free and clear. I realize the govt wants the legal property/custody status civilly concluded in court of law, but the marriage itself is over when I notify her I am divorcing. She just failed to notify me she was divorcing before jumping on another man's jock.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Exactly! Marriage becomes null and void, i will send my wife in writing I am divorcing her, at that time I am free and clear. I realize the govt wants the legal property/custody status civilly concluded in court of law, but the marriage itself is over when I notify her I am divorcing.* She just failed to notify me she was divorcing before jumping on another man's jock.*


This is exactly what happened to be when my first wife dumped me for a lover.
I arrived home from work one evening and she was gone with the kids.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> There are a couple of American TV shows that can be viewed on YouTube, Paternity Court with Judge Lake and Couples Court With The Cutlers.
> Couples Court is when partners or spouses are given lie detector tests to discover if they`d been cheating or not and Paternity Court is where female partners and their children are given paternity DNA tests to establish if their male partners or husbands are the fathers of their children or not.
> When female partners or wives are proven to have cheated or are cheating or the men shown not to be the biological fathers of their children, in most of these TV shows the men transform into a sobbing mess and the women stand there with smirking looks on their faces.
> In the past I`ve had male friends who`s wives have left them literally crying to me on the phone.
> ...


Those are sad videos to watch. It is amazing to watch some women still continue to lie in the face of irrefutable evidence. I watch a really sad one where a man did 5 years in prison for not paying child support for a child that ended up not being his.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Those are sad videos to watch. It is amazing to watch some women still continue to lie in the face of irrefutable evidence. I watch a really sad one where a man did 5 years in prison for not paying child support for a child that ended up not being his.


What needs to happen is those women should be sent to lockup for the same amount of time.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> What needs to happen is those women should be sent to lockup for the same amount of time.


The one with the guy that did 5 years is a clear case that supports what you suggest. After the results were revealed the woman was asked if she knew who the real father was and she said yes without hesitation. She knew what she was doing and let an innocent man spend 5 years in hell. It is disgusting and should be punishable.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Exactly! Marriage becomes null and void, i will send my wife in writing I am divorcing her, at that time I am free and clear. I realize the govt wants the legal property/custody status civilly concluded in court of law, but the marriage itself is over when I notify her I am divorcing. She just failed to notify me she was divorcing before jumping on another man's jock.


It's interesting. There are some folks on here who feel that you can't morally start dating until after the divorce. They think the Irish guy, who needs to be separated 2 out of 3 years to divorce, should wait those years in celibacy.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FakeNews001 said:


> It's interesting. There are some folks on here who feel that you can't morally start dating until after the divorce. They think the Irish guy, who needs to be separated 2 out of 3 years to divorce, should wait those years in celibacy.


Bible says give the wife a certificate of divorce. They did not have to wait for the Roman govt to hash it out before they were done in Biblical times. Guy gives wife a written notice he is divorcing her due to her infidelity. To me that could be a notarized letter and/or certified letter of action.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Bible says give the wife a certificate of divorce. They did not have to wait for the Roman govt to hash it out before they were done in Biblical times. Guy gives wife a written notice he is divorcing her due to her infidelity. To me that could be a notarized letter and/or certified letter of action.


Yes, that seems to be the biblical context. I'm not sure why some folks are so fixated on that (Roman) government stamp of approval.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FakeNews001 said:


> Yes, that seems to be the biblical context. I'm not sure why some folks are so fixated on that (Roman) government stamp of approval.


My wife stated she took her ex hubby's adultry as his notice, she just received it after the fact. Kind of like the Japanese Declaration of War, both were without honor.


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## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Those are sad videos to watch. It is amazing to watch some women still continue to lie in the face of irrefutable evidence. I watch a really sad one where a man did 5 years in prison for not paying child support for a child that ended up not being his.


For me it would be a complete and total loss of desire for sex, and desire to trust that person again, if that makes sense. The forgiveness is the easy part for me, having learned what forgiveness actually does for me. Desiring and trusting are totally different for me than forgiveness.


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