# Wife and feelings for old friend.



## parramaniac (Apr 29, 2011)

Hi all first post so please be gentle.

I have been married 6 years, and with my wife 8. She came with what she called baggage. She got pregnant at 15, and her son was 3 when we got together. She felt really guilty about this, a failed 1 year relationship, and recently an abortion we had to go throuh due to 2 autistoc children. (her first, and the second which is ours).

January 2010 she was diagnosed with depression, and has battled this alongside low self asteem.

This is the problem.
6 years ago she became friends with a girl at work. She had a boyfriend, and they eventually married. We all got on well, till about 2 years ago when they stopped contacting us. No reason why. My wife was gutted as they were good friends, they knew all our problems, and they had a little girl my wife got on well with. She was even God mother to my youngest.

2 weeks ago i had noticed my wife was really low alot. Crying, and quiet, really withdrawn. I tried to care for her and so let her go out for an hour on odd days by herself which she'd never done before, and she started smoking again.

I thn checked her phone and found a large number of txt message to the husband of her friend Lee. SOme of the messages were extremely near the mark 'I really miss you' ' i told you i'd be your stalker' 'you make me feel so great'.

I confronted her and him, and they both said nothing happened. I also found they'd met up 3 times. 

I was gutted but believed she had met him as a friend cause she was so low. She reassured me that nothing happened, and in fact her last meeting was to say goodbye, as he said he couldn't see her behind his wife's back.
It turned out the reason they stopped speaking to us, is the friend believed he was getting too close to my wife. They had always got on well, and sent flirty text. At the time i was fine as i felt secure.

Led to believe she wasn't going to see him again we decided to get my wife some councelling, and get her better. I committed myself to counselling her whiel we arranged a professional.

3 days ago she was due to call him and speak to him. We agreed it would be good as i had threatened to hit him if they talked again, and it caused friction over there original deal to not talk.

When she called him she chatted to him as a friend, and then agreed to call again. Against everything we'd agreed. I again felt cheated and betrayed. I'd been led to belivee that she was not going to speak or see him again.

Now my wife has said she can't ditch him completely. She has agreed to speak to him maybe every 4-6 weeks as a friend.
I felt i had no choice to agree as she does need friends, and help.

The last couple of days i have been reading her journal (wrong i know).

In it she wrote while out that she was desperate to see him. She missed him and needed him.
She went to where they had met before, and said she was waiting for him but he didn't show. I believe she hadn't arranged anything, but that she did tell him that she was going up there again, so he would of known she may be there.

I can't get over the fact she hasn't seen him for 2 years, now craves his attention.
She says he makes her so happy, while i've become overpowering. but we'd agreed i'd help her through her issues.

I know feel she is in complete turmoil over how she feels, but i can't say anything as i have no direct proof, and it would show i have read her journals.

Is this normal, am i to blame?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

parramaniac said:


> Is this normal?


Yes, it's very normal when an EA/PA is happening.

And these two have a history.

Are you to blame for her doing this? No. She is an adult and responsible 100% for her actiosn and decisions.

His wife has already found the relationship inappropriate in the past. Call her and tell her it's back on. She has a right to know. 

If your wife refuses to end her "friendship" with him, you can't restore your marriage. 

Then you have to decide if you are willing to live in an open marriage or not.


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## parramaniac (Apr 29, 2011)

It's nice to know i am not being stupid.

Trouble is i know my wife's depression is causing her to feel really low.
I have agreed cause of what happened 2 weeks ago, to really counsel her.
She is desperate to have friends she can see, and talk naturally too.

He fits this bill.
I am torn between her seeing him as a friend as she says. But the messages she writes about going to the same place so she can feel close to him. Wishing to see him when she's told me she wont. Being depserat eto see him.
I thought two days ago that she was oing to call him and put it all behind har and move on. But she's gone back on what we agreed.

I am even cooking a romantic meal. She knows i'm cookin, but i plan to lay on candles the works.
Guess where she's gone, out to her place.
I feel like ****.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ That's not a friendship. It's an emotional affair at minimum. If she slept with him int he past, even worse.


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## parramaniac (Apr 29, 2011)

No evidence that she slept with him before.
His wife stopped contact believing they were close.
I had no doubts at all until she went behind my back.

I feel my wife is using him to hold onto a happier time.
But i fear she is going to far.


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## stoomey74 (Sep 20, 2009)

I went thru something similar where my wife said she would not see him anynmore oh and nothing happened. I found out when I looked at here email that more happened and was still happening. All I can say is watch your back friend! Just keep on your toes.

Good Luck


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