# Husband POed about sex life. Help I don't get it.



## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Last week I cuddled with my sleeping H and rubbed his back, massaged everywhere and eventually a quicky happened. This has been the normal way we lead up to sex for 28 yrs. The last 6 yrs have been bad but we are working to repair that. 
After the 1st night with the quicky, I again repeated the massage initiation to sex. :sleeping: No sex, and I fell asleep massaging.2nd night same routine, no sex. 3rd night again the massage intiation to sex only I moved on to gential action too. After 10 mins of no reaction from the penis, :sleeping: I gave up. Disheartened I rolled over and tryed not to feel rejected. 
Now he is claiming he woke up as I rolled over and he is saying "I rolled away from him." :scratchhead: WTF??? I'm asking him why he didn't reach over to me and initiate by letting me know he was awake! He says he felt I rejected him by rolling over. 

Damn it. What did I do wrong? I didn't think he was awake. After 3 nights of no reaction, I decided a limp penis was not an interested penis. After his EA that limp penis makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Yet he says he does. Should I believe him or the Penis? I didn't think Penises lied.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Penises don't lie!

I had the same issue for a while.

Rejection from husband and then him telling me he tried to "get some" while I was asleep but I didn't respond - no kidding - I was asleep.

I told him "how" to wake me up - but he never tried to wake me up that way - just kept saying 2 or 3 times a week that he tried to get some and I wouldn't cooperate.

I finally decided that I didn't think he was telling the truth. If he really "wanted some" then he would have tried harder to wake me up - I think it was just an excuse to show that he was trying to initiate, when he wasn't.

So maybe this was just an excuse to make YOU feel bad, when he didn't want to participate.

I dunno...just a guess.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe the last 6 years were worse than you thought. How were the last 6 years bad? If he's built up some resentment, that could be a problem and it might take some time to overcome.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

OH he has A LOT of resentment, and the counseling is working on that. 
Resentment on the sex end of it? hmmm perhaps he does have some but again that would sound just like Marriedwifeinlove's description. Then again how could he possibly tell the world He's not getting any, if he moved out of the bed. He likes to blame me for no sex, but he is the one who left our bed. What? Did he expect me to come running to him everynight to initiate sex, and then run home to take care of the rest of OUR life. He moved to a Man's Den or what I called the Pit (car racing 24/7) He wasn't in our house or my bed. I can't initiate without him. Yet he holds that as a reason for the affair.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

So MarriedwifeinLove, do you think I should quit trying to initiate and stop playing his game. Which is what I think is going on. He seems to play this poor me game, several ways. Everything is his fault, He is always wrong, You won't let go of the affair, keeps bringing up the past, yet screams unfair if I do. 
I'm thinking "laying it on the line". Deal is I won't initiate anymore. When He is ready to have a sex life, He needs to step up and tell me so and what he expects. 

Does that seem fair?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I think it's probably a miscommunication. A massage while he's asleep is pretty subtle. Problem is, men don't interpret subtle very well. A back rub with no talking is an action that can easily be interpreted as nonsexual. If you've had years of no sex, or low sex, and bad communication, then that makes it even worse.

Stepping out of the bathroom wearing only high heels and holding a bottle of lube is a something that a man can interpret correctly! I suggest actions that can't be considered subtle. Break out the lingerie. You're probably afraid he'll turn you down. But at least then you'll know for sure and not have to second guess yourself.

Good luck.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She has a point. Naked in high heels is kinda hard to misinterpret. Then again, never had a woman rub on Mr. Happy without me understanding her intentions, either.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Well a bit of back ground. The last time I put on a corset, thigh highs and heels, lite candles, and posed on the bed as he come up the stairs......
He laughed so hard he fell on his arse. I have nice teddys and sexy undies. I will put them on and he knows I have them on. I have come to bed or been in bed before him with nothing but my desires on. I have appeared in the door with cherries, strawberries and whipped cream, or chocolate. Believe me that a massage leading to sex is given so that there is no mistaking what I mean. 
The sound of a whipped cream can going shhhh used to give him chills. Now he grabs a spoon and asks for icecream too. 

I am just so lost with what to think is wrong. I keep reading here that Men are instant on, always wanting it. I have refered to myself as a Nypho. I can just think or picture and I'm wet and ready. 
Could I be intimidating him? My name says it all, I am heartbroken. I had a wonderful lover, who left our bed and I have finally gotten him back in the bed, but he is not the lover he was.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Wish someone would intimidate me like that.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Definately what confusses me too, guys.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

heartbroken1957 said:


> Should I believe him or the Penis? I didn't think Penises lied.


hehehe...sorry not laughing at YOU, but that gave me a giggle.

I'm with "unbelievable" on this one...if my wife tickled my "big toe" like that I wouldn't misinterpret her intentions. That's a language I DO understand.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Maybe he has erectal disfunction?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah. That sounds different. If the EA was recent, it's possible he's still in the fog and mourning the loss of his fantasy. If not, maybe he's intimidated. He may be worried about his performance and trying to avoid the issue. He may simply have a lower desire and instead of admitting it, he claims he didn't know what you wanted. He may share your views of men and sex. Maybe he's embarrassed that he isn't constantly horny.

I suppose it's something for your counselor. Good luck.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

The man cheated on you, is blaming you (when clearly he is 100% to blame ) and doesn't respond when you initiate, and doesn't initiate with you.

&*(% that!


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

He has always been a quick release kind of fellow, but we worked around that. I would say perhaps 50% of the time there was no problem with staying power. 
Then things began to dwindle and time passed with no sex. He had the EA/?PA. 
Right after the affair he had a scheduled checkup with the uroligist. He asked about things and was told to try The Big V. Things were working great with it. Wow like. I had a surgery and was off limits for 12 weeks. That stretched to 4 months and I started trying to initiate and now 6mths and we are up to present.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Affair and discovery was 17 mths ago. We see a MC weekly as a couple and individual. She's a great help in getting things rolling, but there are things that she has no control over and this seems to be one. 
She and I spoke of intimacy again today and she said the men who have a large amount of belly fat run the risk of lower Testosterone. This is according to a recent study. Supposedly the fat actually robs the body of T. 
She suggested a testosterone cream might help. We can always ask the Dr. if H is willing to approach the subject of disfunction again.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yes that is more or less correct. High body fat aromatizes testosterone into estrogen. A urologist can check the T-number almost in real time from a urine sample drawn between 8am-10am. Normal baseline range for T is age dependent and of course drops with age. A normal range for ALL men is 800 @ age 22 to ~350 @ age 75. I am 52 in otherwise fairly good health albeit missing one testicle, high cholesterol and repeated bouts with cancer. My T with Androgel is 600. It was 245 a year ago.

But too high is not good either. It can lead to high blood pressure and blood conditions like erythrocytosis or polycythaemia which simply put, is too many red blood cells. In turn that's treated by donating blood.

The creme is typically a gel. Androgel is a common product. It's applied to the upper arms and shoulders once a day. It's 95% pure alcohol so don't smoke around it when it's still damp. It can explode.

I take 7.5g/day. I just received 7 bottles which is about 75 days supply. The total cost was $1000 of which I pay $160. So it's not cheap. I hope you have a good drug plan.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Great info Runs. Thanks. Though we though we had a great drug plan, it didn't pay for V or any other pill in that line. So I would make a wild guess and unless having low T is a health threat, it won't pay for that either. 
I wonder if there are any herbs, foods that help increase the T. I must look into that. 
I already feed him veggies and fruits to help prostate, heart and kidney. He just thinks I'm keeping healthy snacks around.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Very low T can be a health issue. It can lead to poor bone health and can interfere with correct brain functioning. It's indicative of a poorly functioning pituitary. But the first step is to get level checked. 

Also Solvay, the maker of Androgel has a rebate program to offset some of the costs. There may be other drug cost offset programs out there as well like the one Montel Williams sponsors.


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