# Moaning and being verbal in bed



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Can we please discuss this!

I have not been with many men in my life but the ones I have, have Not been ones to moan a lot in bed. I get that everyone is different but I have seen a pattern. And my most recent guy literally doesn’t moan at all, not even when he orgasms. 

I feel like if I was quiet the guy would be like what’s wrong? if something feels good why hold it in?

Another thing is... I know that people aren’t mind readers and I think being verbal helps them know what to do to give me the most pleasurable experience. Not only that, but everyone knows that people are willing to do more, and feel happy (in a relationship and at work) when they are appreciated. And when I feel like my man LOVES sex with me, or loves something specific I will do it more because it feels good to feel his enjoyment.

I’m disappointed because I really like this guy and it’s the first time we have had sex and he did tell me before that he doesn’t moan, but it just makes the sex less fun IMO. Like I want to please him, well let me change that, I want to FEEL that I am pleasing him. And I know for a fact that if I was quite he would think the sex isn’t good. Also a lot of men “rate” their sexual experience by how vocal the women was. 

Anyways, anyone have any thoughts on this?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I’ve been with a non verbal guy and yeah, it would have been way more awesome if he was more verbal.

He did make pleasure sounds though, he just wouldn’t talk to me at all during sex. I like the talking.

For some it just isn’t their style. But it’s worth it to bring it up and tell him you’d like more verbal interaction in the form of pleasure sounds and words. 

I think if my non verbal guy and I had stayed together longer I probably could have expressed my desire for more talking and he probably would have worked on it. It’s something that they have to feel comfortable about though and they won’t do it if they don’t.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I’ve been with a non verbal guy and yeah, it would have been way more awesome if he was more verbal.
> 
> He did make pleasure sounds though, he just wouldn’t talk to me at all during sex. I like the talking.
> 
> ...




Yea I agree. And I want him to do what’s comfortable for him and obviously it’s not moaning. I want him to not think and just enjoy and let loose but he seems so laser focused and intense. I get that it’s a lot of work going in and out especially when it’s fast/hard.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I suggested to my wife that she should moan a bit when we are having sex.Next time we were “in action” she said I needed a shave and the ceiling needed painting.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I suggested to my wife that she should moan a bit when we are having sex.Next time we were “in action” she said I needed a shave and the ceiling needed painting.


I like your wife!


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Never thought about it from a womans point of view. 

I've almost always talked. My wife found it odd at first. Said talk too much. Lol


----------



## Spirit (Nov 8, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I suggested to my wife that she should moan a bit when we are having sex.Next time we were “in action” she said I needed a shave and the ceiling needed painting.


Nice wife buddy. 
Paint ceiling comment was a funny one. 
Towards shaving. I personally like clean shaved men. My SO is a rear case because he has a beared. He's one those guys that facial hair suits him.
The "morning" spikes on partner's face might cause some irrotation of her skin. Plus, it's unpleasant feeling to be pocked like that.

Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

red oak said:


> Never thought about it from a womans point of view.
> 
> 
> 
> I've almost always talked. My wife found it odd at first. Said talk too much. Lol




Yea I mean if you think about it... It will make your wife happy knowing your enjoying yourself just like if makes you happy to see her enthusiastic.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Some men, I know not how many are so concentrating on their orgasm that they 'think not' to moan.
I also believe the chemicals necessary to deliver the juice and the pulsing orgasm tightens up men's throats.

All energy is directed to the little head. The penile throat is minuscule, it has no vocal chords.
I suspect, no, I know that is a good thing.

Maybe in our cave man days, our hunter days, when a warrior is hammering some captive maiden from another clan he does not want to give his situation, his position away by moaning.

Cause....after he gets his rocks off he will heard, location noted; he will then be impaled with another man's spear. 
The rock sharp variety.

His kin would then need to bury the dear thief [hastily] under a pile of rocks, the ground being so hard, the animals being such good diggers. They digging up his body and eating the rapist's remains.

........................................................................................................................................

On moaning from women, I think it is very rewarding but only if it originates, is inspired from her vagina [clitoris] and not from her generous and comforting heart.

Not done so, loudly announced, to make men feel good.

Yes, I too hate fake news.



The Typist I-


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

red oak said:


> Never thought about it from a womans point of view.
> 
> I've almost always talked. My wife found it odd at first. Said talk too much. Lol


There’s definitely such a thing as too much noise and talking, too.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> There’s definitely such a thing as too much noise and talking, too.


Vegetarian women never moan during sex.
They hate to admit that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

mmm. Damn.

This one got nabbed and deleted in the Ethernet.
It melted the wires on the way.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's a whole lot like "talking dirty" ~ some men probably think it's not macho and just don't want to "vocalize" ~ glad that I'm not one of those!

Provided that my lady is not a moaner or screamer, I pride myself on being an extremely good judge and observer of whether she is physically and sexually enjoying my presence!

Especially during "Y-time!" *


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> *Vegetarian women never moan during sex.
> They hate to admit that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure.*


*Andy ~ you ain't right!*


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > There’s definitely such a thing as too much noise and talking, too.
> ...


Of course. They prefer eggplants.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> *Of course. They prefer eggplants.*


*And not stringbeans!*


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Can we please discuss this!
> 
> I have not been with many men in my life but the ones I have, have Not been ones to moan a lot in bed. I get that everyone is different but I have seen a pattern. And my most recent guy literally doesn’t moan at all, not even when he orgasms.
> 
> ...


So, apparently no growling or grunting either? I don't get too loud, but I do this as well. I think sometimes you can go overboard, too. There have been times when I have been with women who made the neighbor's dog howl. It is cool and all but a dog howling in the background of passion can be just as off putting as dead silence. I don't really think I should have to warn my neighbors that I will be having sex, so they should kennel their pets.


----------



## Spirit (Nov 8, 2016)

At the beginning of our relationship with my SO, he was the quiet one. Alot of changes happened to both of us. Now when we are alone, we are very verbal / vocal. But if my teenager son is home, we have to keep it quiet, but still be able to verbolize it. Communication is awesome tool to use. Use your immagination and be creative in description. Sexting might help to open the mouth too.


Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Ynot said:


> So, apparently no growling or grunting either? I don't get too loud, but I do this as well. I think sometimes you can go overboard, too. There have been times when I have been with women who made the neighbor's dog howl. It is cool and all but a dog howling in the background of passion can be just as off putting as dead silence. I don't really think I should have to warn my neighbors that I will be having sex, so they should kennel their pets.


*My whole goal would be to make my old lady simply "howl at the moon!"*


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> Provided that my lady is not a moaner or screamer, ...


Reminds me of the guy who asked Santa for a moaner or screamer for Christmas. He got a sweater.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Of course. They prefer eggplants.


Ummm... There's different types of eggplant. Some aren't as, ummm, endowed as others


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

john117 said:


> Ummm... There's different types of eggplant. Some aren't as, ummm, endowed as others


*Isn't that middle one called a "chode?"*


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

john117 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Of course. They prefer eggplants.
> ...


When naughty girls like me say it, we know exactly what type we mean.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I'm suddenly hoping my wife doesn't make eggplant soon.....or "make it" with an eggplant soon ....well at least not the middle one. I wouldn't
want to develop eggplant envy!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife hates me to be vocal during sex.

Folks are all different.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm old, so let that temper your thoughts of my opinions.

I don't moan much. I do some, but it's likely more grunts, breathing changes and most significantly, the hardness of my erection. Sorry for the details, there. 

I'm into my penis being the focus. If it is, then you can tell my excitement by it. I almost forgot, the expressions on my face and in my eyes are a tell tale sign. 

Without a moan from a woman, while they have so many erogenous zones and no obvious penis to get hard, though the clit does, but your hands or mouth are not constantly touching a woman's clit or feeling for maximum lubrication in the vagina, it gets a bit more dicey. 

One important fact that I must conclude with is this:

It is now the law that women must be enthusiastic in bed. If you do not give affirmative consent through a porn style, "Yes, yes", your partner must stop until you do.

You see, women can have all the physical signs of arousal without consenting to the act or acts performed.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> My wife hates me to be vocal during sex.
> 
> Folks are all different.


Do you sing opera? Maybe that's why? It's just a thought. >


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> Do you sing opera? Maybe that's why? It's just a thought. >


My wife would never put up with it if I had a flat C.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm a guy who loves communication but am a quiet focused lover. My last girlfriend was very verbal and LOUD during sex, and it bothered her I wasn't. Verbalizing what feels good is fine and the right thing to do, but personally when a woman starts with the screaming it just seems fake to me, actually is a turn off. Nothing sexier than a sweet whisper in the ear of "touch me there again".

I wanted to add when I said I was a quiet lover that doesn't mean silent.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *My whole goal would be to make my old lady simply "howl at the moon!"*


I had a girl back to my apartment one night and she was a bit on the noisy side but it didn’t bother me.
The next morning my roommate asked me were we having sex or an exorcism.
She nicknamed her Lassie after that.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I am verbal and make noise.

I'm into it and having fun so why not?

Mrs. C moans sometimes and gasps and makes animal sounds when a powerful one hits her but she doesn't like to talk.

I have encouraged her and she has gotten to where she talks a little especially when she is climbing to the peak.

I love talking and dirty talk during sex. Good stuff!


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I am verbal and make noise.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I don’t think I can talk dirty during sex. I do during foreplay.


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Can we please discuss this!
> 
> I have not been with many men in my life but the ones I have, have Not been ones to moan a lot in bed. I get that everyone is different but I have seen a pattern. And my most recent guy literally doesn’t moan at all, not even when he orgasms.
> 
> ...


I had to train my husband to make noise. It's doable. We had some humorous conversations where we talked about being young and having to hold your breath and be quiet when having sex because "somebody might hear." Once the situation became relatable, I think he felt more at ease.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Although I'm not very vocal during sex, I really like hearing vocalizations from my lady, although I don't really want her sounding so vocal, that if someone heard it, they might be reporting the site as a possible crime scene!*


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So many folks are incompatible, yet want their spouse to change to fit their needs. It's creepy, controlling, and feels abusive. Why can't we all just be ourselves?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

2ntnuf said:


> So many folks are incompatible, yet want their spouse to change to fit their needs. It's creepy, controlling, and feels abusive. Why can't we all just be ourselves?


I have to agree.Instead of over scrutinizing every tiny aspect of sex why not just do it.
Remember those who can,do.
Those who can’t,talk about it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> So many folks are incompatible, yet want their spouse to change to fit their needs. It's creepy, controlling, and feels abusive. Why can't we all just be ourselves?


No. She will do what I want or hulk will spank!>


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I have to agree.Instead of over scrutinizing every tiny aspect of sex why not just do it.
> Remember those who can,do.
> Those who can’t,talk about it.


:laugh: I resemble that remark.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> No. She will do what I want or hulk will spank!>


>


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> No. She will do what I want or hulk will spank!>


Again with the spanking!!
Your poor wife’s ass must glow in the dark.


----------



## Angelwanderer (Mar 20, 2018)

Yeah, I can't say I moan much during the action, busy concentrating on the work at hand, but the neighbourhood knows my end time.

-A

Endured the pain of a sexless marriage 10+ yrs and wrote a book.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Can we please discuss this!
> 
> I have not been with many men in my life but the ones I have, have Not been ones to moan a lot in bed. I get that everyone is different but I have seen a pattern. And my most recent guy literally doesn’t moan at all, not even when he orgasms.
> 
> ...


Its not something that would bother me, there are other ways of knowing that someone is enjoying sex. I think that you need to accept him as he is and not think there is a problem. Everyone is different.


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Its not something that would bother me, there are other ways of knowing that someone is enjoying sex. I think that you need to accept him as he is and not think there is a problem. Everyone is different.


I'm actually with the OP on this. It's much more exciting for a guy to make some genuine pleasure noises than to be silent. I think it probably goes both ways. Emphasis on *genuine* - many people started out their sex life having to be quiet so they didn't get caught or walked in on. That early training can be retrained. It seems unsettling to me when a guy just stands there and does or says nothing. Making some sort of noise reactions is giving pleasure and encouragement to the other partner.


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Do you sing opera? Maybe that's why? It's just a thought. >


Actually the kid who used to live next door? He actually DID sing opera when he had sex.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Actually the kid who used to live next door? He actually DID sing opera when he had sex.


:laugh: I'm picturing bugs bunny singing at the opera. Don't know why. That's hilarious.


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> So many folks are incompatible, yet want their spouse to change to fit their needs. It's creepy, controlling, and feels abusive. Why can't we all just be ourselves?


That's just it, in our case, neither of us were being ourselves at first as much as we were as we got to know each other better. We actually became more genuine. So the operative word is *genuine*.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

happiness27 said:


> That's just it, in our case, neither of us were being ourselves at first as much as we were as we got to know each other better. We actually became more genuine. So the operative word is *genuine*.


I think... there is a difference between that and wanting a spouse to change for your personal pleasure. If, I understand you.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> I'm actually with the OP on this. It's much more exciting for a guy to make some genuine pleasure noises than to be silent. I think it probably goes both ways. Emphasis on *genuine* - many people started out their sex life having to be quiet so they didn't get caught or walked in on. That early training can be retrained. It seems unsettling to me when a guy just stands there and does or says nothing. Making some sort of noise reactions is giving pleasure and encouragement to the other partner.




Exactly. And I’ve been with people who didn’t moan and it didn’t bother me but they like did the whole I’m close, I’m gonna cum and let out a little grunt when they orgasmed. This dude gave me no warning and didn’t make a peep, he like just stopped and I was like did you finish? And he was like yea that’s why I stopped. #akward


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Actually the kid who used to live next door? He actually DID sing opera when he had sex.


I wouldn’t mind having a go at singing Nessun Dorma after sex.
I’m not sure would I fit an orchestra in the bedroom though.
And I’m a stickler for tradition.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I moan every morning when I get out of bed


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> I wouldn’t mind having a go at singing Nessun Dorma after sex.
> I’m not sure would I fit an orchestra in the bedroom though.
> And I’m a stickler for tradition.


It's the holidays..try "Jingle Balls"


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I wouldn’t mind having a go at singing Nessun Dorma after sex.
> I’m not sure would I fit an orchestra in the bedroom though.
> And I’m a stickler for tradition.


He did sing Nessun Dorma. 

They split up when he came back from work early and found her in bed with his best friend.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> He did sing Nessun Dorma.
> 
> They split up when he came back from work early and found her in bed with his best friend.


Some audiences prefer an additional Baritone.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happiness27 said:


> I'm actually with the OP on this. It's much more exciting for a guy to make some genuine pleasure noises than to be silent. I think it probably goes both ways. Emphasis on *genuine* - many people started out their sex life having to be quiet so they didn't get caught or walked in on. That early training can be retrained. It seems unsettling to me when a guy just stands there and does or says nothing. Making some sort of noise reactions is giving pleasure and encouragement to the other partner.


Yes I see your point, but she isn't saying he stands there and does nothing, just that he doesn't make noise. 
I guess I am all for accepting people as they are and not trying to change them to fit what I want. I think that too many people do that and it doesn't work. 
So many threads here asking 'is this normal?', or 'is that normal?' we are all different and unique.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> Some audiences prefer an additional Baritone.


She screamed. Loudly and a lot.

Taught our parrot a great deal. :


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Ynot said:


> There have been times when I have been with women who made the neighbor's dog howl. It is cool and all but a dog howling in the background of passion can be just as off putting as dead silence. I don't really think I should have to warn my neighbors that I will be having sex, so they should kennel their pets.


Oh man, this made me rofl, now I have the giggles and can't stop! My husband is looking at me like "wtf is she on?" bahahahaha.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> *I wouldn’t mind having a go at singing Nessun Dorma after sex.
> I’m not sure would I fit an orchestra in the bedroom though.
> And I’m a stickler for tradition.*


*Pleade dont give me cold, clammy silence! I want to hear and feel something, and that goes for the both of us!

But I'll leave the singing of Nessun Dorma to Pavoroti on the stereo, all while I'm moaning and ecstatically grunting away, and audibly listening to his beautiful chords along with the sounds of my lady's approaching orgasmic chreshindo, as I'm busily engaged in orally pleasing her; greatly provided, of course, that her thighs don't have my ears tightly occluded from a sudden surge of her impending pleasure!

Now doing that could conceivably kill a man... but what a way to go!*


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *I'll leave the singing of Nessun Dorma to Pavoroti on the stereo, all while I'm moaning and ecstatically grunting away, and audibly listening to his beautiful chords along with the sounds of my lady's approaching orgasmic chreshindo, as I'm busily engaged in orally pleasing her; greatly provided, of course, that her thighs don't have my ears tightly occluded from a sudden surge of her impending pleasure!
> 
> Now doing that could conceivably kill a man... but what a way to go!*



Now that sir...would indeed...be a grand Finale' !!!!


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Pleade dont give me cold, clammy silence! I want to hear and feel something, and that goes for the both of us!
> 
> But I'll leave the singing of Nessun Dorma to Pavoroti on the stereo, all while I'm moaning and ecstatically grunting away, and audibly listening to his beautiful chords along with the sounds of my lady's approaching orgasmic chreshindo, as I'm busily engaged in orally pleasing her; greatly provided, of course, that her thighs don't have my ears tightly occluded from a sudden surge of her impending pleasure!
> 
> Now doing that could conceivably kill a man... but what a way to go!*


Translated into English Nessun Dorma means “None shall sleep”
My wit is wasted on you guys😁


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> *Now that, sir...would indeed...be a grand Finale'!!!!*


*And for both the operatic and sexual finishes, it would certainly stand to reason that one would undoubtedly need Kleenex, both at the opera house, just as you would need them there in the bedroom!*


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> *Translated into English, Nessun Dorma means “None shall sleep”
> *


*Oh, God yes!*


----------



## Spirit (Nov 8, 2016)

2ntnuf said:


> I'm old, so let that temper your thoughts of my opinions.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Age doesn't matter. Sex is perfectly natural part of everyone's life. I know a couple who still sexually active in their 80s. There're some stories / experiences that I could share due to the work I do, but I can't. Let me make it clear: I AM NOT A HOOKER; I work in Health Care. Many health care providers can second my motion.
Thanks for putting responsibility on women. Yes, we are responsible but up to the point.

Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Spirit said:


> Age doesn't matter. Sex is perfectly natural part of everyone's life. I know a couple who still sexually active in their 80s. There're some stories / experiences that I could share due to the work I do, but I can't. Let me make it clear: I AM NOT A HOOKER; I work in Health Care. Many health care providers can second my motion.
> Thanks for putting responsibility on women. Yes, we are responsible but up to the point.
> 
> Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


WTF was that all about?! What made you think I was calling you a HOOKER? And why are you HOLLERING at me? I DO NOT want to read any sex stories you might have heard at work or any other place. No thank you. 

I didn't put any responsibility on women. In fact, my second comment reflected my thoughts. I think I posted something like, "Why can't it be okay to be ourselves"? 

You want men to change to meet your needs, but some aren't comfortable with being vocal. If men need to learn to read the signs a woman's body is giving him, why do men have to change to become more verbal? 

You say you are verbal and like men to be verbal. Some are, in fact. So, go find one. What's the big deal? Isn't it better to find a man who is verbal than change a nonverbal man into something he is not naturally comfortable with and then expect him to enjoy it?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Spirit said:


> Age doesn't matter. Sex is perfectly natural part of everyone's life. I know a couple who still sexually active in their 80s. There're some stories / experiences that I could share due to the work I do, but I can't. Let me make it clear: I AM NOT A HOOKER; I work in Health Care. Many health care providers can second my motion.
> Thanks for putting responsibility on women. Yes, we are responsible but up to the point.
> 
> Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


Oh, and if you are talking about the changes in the laws, I had NOTHING to do with that. Thank women for that.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> WTF was that all about?! What made you think I was calling you a HOOKER? And why are you HOLLERING at me? I DO NOT want to read any sex stories you might have heard at work or any other place. No thank you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Let’s be realistic, in a marriage there is compromise. There is a certain level of acceptance too! But In a relationship you can’t just be like... this is how I am, take it or leave it. That’s selfish. Yes a certain level of changing someone is selfish too but asking a man to moan/grunt during is not making him change his being. 

In relationships especially marriage you need to be up for what your partner wants sometimes. We all need to stop being so rigid and remember that life is suppose to be enjoyed.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Let’s be realistic, in a marriage there is compromise. There is a certain level of acceptance too! But In a relationship you can’t just be like... this is how I am, take it or leave it. That’s selfish. Yes a certain level of changing someone is selfish too but asking a man to moan/grunt during is not making him change his being.
> 
> In relationships especially marriage you need to be up for what your partner wants sometimes. We all need to stop being so rigid and remember that life is suppose to be enjoyed.


I'm going to disagree with your ideas of compromise and acceptance. Me learning to put the toilet seat down after I've been a bachelor and didn't have to care about it is compromise. If I were an introvert, and my wife wanted me to become more outgoing, I'd have to say it isn't in me. 

Theoretically, she knew me before we married and accepted that my personality was introverted. Now, theoretically, you are saying she wants me to become verbal during sex, which was never in me, due to my theoretical introverted nature. 

Does that make sense? 

Me agreeing to change my theoretical nature is unnatural and will very likely make me unhappy and feel pressured to perform in bed. How will my unhappiness help our marital relationship? What if I end up deciding I don't want to initiate because I have to perform for her? What if it causes e.d? If I were to ask my theoretical wife, who was never a porn star to become one, wouldn't that be incredibly bad for our relationship? All theoretical, because I have no wife or girlfriend, nor do I want anyone I've met. Though, some are great friends whom I seriously enjoy talking with.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

As far as that law is concerned, you, as a woman, when with a man, must be enthusiastic before, during and throughout, and make it known, so there is no doubt that you clearly want to do the things, sex wise, you are participating in. Otherwise, it is absolutely, rape, by law... Period, go to jail, do not pass go, lose your man card, lose your career and any chance of having another after prison and being on a sexual predator list for rape of women, and so on and so forth. 

Yes, it is that serious, but most folks don't want to take the law seriously, until they make a mistake and are forced to take responsibility. Then, they get all up in arms about it. 

By the way, I did not lobby for the laws, nor have any kind of influence in them or against them. I'm just reporting what I know about them. Do not trust that my word is legal in any way. I have read on my own, am not an attorney, but have interpreted their meaning of a woman being enthusiastic as best I can as a layman to include what would make me believe my partner is enthusiastically participating. 

Maybe you have a different definition. I do not. I would love to see a thread on this where attorneys and judges debate what would be legal. If anyone knows of one, or a link to some debate on it, I'd appreciate you sending it to me in a pm. Thanks. Sorry for the short derail. 

I think it is important to discuss all sides of the subject in the opening post, before making some permanent decision.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> I'm going to disagree with your ideas of compromise and acceptance. Me learning to put the toilet seat down after I've been a bachelor and didn't have to care about it is compromise. If I were an introvert, and my wife wanted me to become more outgoing, I'd have to say it isn't in me.
> 
> Theoretically, she knew me before we married and accepted that my personality was introverted. Now, theoretically, you are saying she wants me to become verbal during sex, which was never in me, due to my theoretical introverted nature.
> 
> ...




No I agree with what your saying. But your taking it to an extreme. Yes, it doesn’t make sense to make your introverted spouse became extroverted, that is unfair. 

But most things are on a spectrum and there are few hard limits. So yes maybe someone is slightly more introverted(no one is 100% introverted, they are in a spectrum), so I think that it is unfair to ask someone to be VERBAL during sex when they aren’t naturally verbal. And I’m not asking for them to talk dirty and do this whole big thing. But I don’t think it’s too much to say... I’m about to cum. That’s it, 4 words and I think it’s actually common courtesy. I’m not asking people to change their nature. But asking for a grunt and here and there is not asking for too much even on the most introverted people. 

I’m really shy and I hate my body. My spouse loves my body and gets turned on by my body and wants to feel close to me when we make love and wants skin on skin Contact. I don’t take my shirt off when I have sex Bc it makes me self conscious. Surely there is a compromise here. I can’t just be like this is how I am and you knew that before blah blah. I mean technically you can but it’s selfish. It is not ok for him to pressure me into giving him a full naked strip tease, that’s changing who I am. but I think compromising with him and taking my clothes off and having sex with him naked with the lights off is a compromise. (This is theoretical btw).

I think that there is a balance in acceptance and compromise. But this is what Intimacy is all about.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> No I agree with what your saying. But your taking it to an extreme. Yes, it doesn’t make sense to make your introverted spouse became extroverted, that is unfair.
> 
> But most things are on a spectrum and there are few hard limits. So yes maybe someone is slightly more introverted(no one is 100% introverted, they are in a spectrum), so I think that it is unfair to ask someone to be VERBAL during sex when they aren’t naturally verbal. And I’m not asking for them to talk dirty and do this whole big thing. But I don’t think it’s too much to say... I’m about to cum. That’s it, 4 words and I think it’s actually common courtesy. I’m not asking people to change their nature. But asking for a grunt and here and there is not asking for too much even on the most introverted people.
> 
> ...


It's not really actually extreme. It's respect for the one you love. And, surely, telling someone you are about to climax is not too difficult, even for an introvert. It is common courtesy, but I ask why you would want to know? If you aren't on birth control or using a condom, or both, isn't that something that needs to be mentioned at some point, before sex? I think that is common courtesy and respect for the partner to let them know what you are into and asking if that is okay. Before all the pc crap, I actually did that. Why do young folks think older folks don't know these things or have done them, if they don't specifically say they have? Why do young folks think older folks are animals without manners? 

That's what I'd like to know, since I feel that way often, when attempting to discuss these things. Are there so many young men out there who do not treat women with respect and manners that it is assumed all men are like them? Or, is it based on personal experience of the two within the conversation? I'm confused and a little upset by that. 

You keep backing off on your comments by trying to find a way to say you are right and I'm a turd. I'm not a turd. You simply don't understand me. This time you said, "I think that there is a balance in acceptance and compromise. But this is what Intimacy is all about." 

Do you realize how hurtful it is to treat me like I have no clue because I'm older than you? Do you realize how condescending your posts are reading to me? 

So far, I've only disagreed with your position on trying to change someone, as it relates to the op, which was to try to attempt to get a man to be more verbal during sex. This direction you are taking about at least mentioning to your partner you are about to climax has little if anything to do with the op. It's only an attempt to prove your point and then give you some assumed authority to call me some derogatory terms that are pc today and were never before. 

Please stop being childish. I'm not out to prove you wrong. I'm not out to call you names. I'm not out to make you look badly. 

We are simply discussing this. You don't have to try to convince me or anyone that I am wrong. I'm not, by the way. This similarly goes back to tolerance for others and respect of their needs or wants or likes. 

In fact, I do not want to be convinced of anything you are saying, because I believe in what I am posting, whether anyone understands it or not. I know what I am trying to say. Any twisting of it is basic slander. 

Don't think I don't like you. I don't like or dislike you. I have very little knowledge of your posts and have likely read fewer than a dozen, and clearly do not remember them or the threads they were posted in. Therefore, there is nothing personal here, coming from me. Sorry, if I've offended you in some manner.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> It's not really actually extreme. It's respect for the one you love. And, surely, telling someone you are about to climax is not too difficult, even for an introvert. It is common courtesy, but I ask why you would want to know? If you aren't on birth control or using a condom, or both, isn't that something that needs to be mentioned at some point, before sex? I think that is common courtesy and respect for the partner to let them know what you are into and asking if that is okay. Before all the pc crap, I actually did that. Why do young folks think older folks don't know these things or have done them, if they don't specifically say they have? Why do young folks think older folks are animals without manners?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Wow I’m a little taken aback. 

So first of all, why do I want to know if he is close to cuming? For the simple fact that I can continue to do what I’m doing so he does cum. So the first time we had sex, he lasts a lot longer than I am use to, and he is a bigger guy (heavy), and while we were having sex with him on top, at one point I had to like stop him because he was squishing me so I stopped to adjust and catch my breath or whatever, and when I did this he got off to get another condom for whatever reason and he was like ahh I was about to cum until you stopped me. And I felt bad. I wish he would have told me he was close so I could let him finish. 

As far as everything else you said about me personally. I didn’t mean to offend you, or try to prove you wrong and me right. That was not my intent. I actually said I agreed with your post. And I am interested in the whole concept of acceptance vs compromise and I thought our conversation was a good one, and an educational one. I don’t feel like I’m trying to back off my OP or try to do anything other than have a interesting conversation with you. I have no mean under tone or objective other than having and learning from you and others on here. And I didn’t call you a turd or any derogatory term so I don’t know why your projecting here. You seem to be super sensitive to people disagreeing with you or adding on to your thoughts, honestly I don’t really know what the deal is but your taking what I said and turning it into a personal attack on you and there was no attack. 
Please re read my post and tell me where I inferred your a turd or where I attacked you personally.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Wow I’m a little taken aback.
> 
> So first of all, why do I want to know if he is close to cuming? For the simple fact that I can continue to do what I’m doing so he does cum. So the first time we had sex, he lasts a lot longer than I am use to, and he is a bigger guy (heavy), and while we were having sex with him on top, at one point I had to like stop him because he was squishing me so I stopped to adjust and catch my breath or whatever, and when I did this he got off to get another condom for whatever reason and he was like ahh I was about to cum until you stopped me. And I felt bad. I wish he would have told me he was close so I could let him finish.
> 
> ...



Apology accepted.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Is yelling "Geronimo" at the top of your voice not good?


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Wow I’m a little taken aback.
> 
> So first of all, why do I want to know if he is close to cuming? For the simple fact that I can continue to do what I’m doing so he does cum. So the first time we had sex, he lasts a lot longer than I am use to, and he is a bigger guy (heavy), and while we were having sex with him on top, at one point I had to like stop him because he was squishing me so I stopped to adjust and catch my breath or whatever, and when I did this he got off to get another condom for whatever reason and he was like ahh I was about to cum until you stopped me. And I felt bad. I wish he would have told me he was close so I could let him finish.
> 
> ...


An interesting anecdote and one I can relate to.

We all know communication is vital. We also know that good sex starts long before getting naked or going into the bedroom. But that doesn't mean communication should stop once we get into the bedroom. 

Well, those moans and groans are just another form of communication.

My anecdote:
A very rare episode in which my wife was on top. She seemed to be enjoying it but she is extremely introverted and not at all demonstrative, so it can be hard to tell. After a while, she seemed to be getting into it more and then just stopped. I wasn't entirely sure if she was satisfied, tired, or just got bored. She then asked if I wanted her to continue and since I had really been enjoying myself, it seemed a no brainer to say yes. But after that it was obvious she'd rather be done and her obvious lack of enthusiasm killed my buzz and it was hard to finish.

Now if I had known she came, I'd gladly had just told her no need to continue as I generally consider it a great outing if she gets there and I can always save mine for another time. If she was just tired, we could have switched positions. If she was just bored, I could just get dressed and ride my bike and she could read her book. But since she doesn't verbalize or talk during, and hates to talk about it after, I had no way of knowing.

Now flash forward a couple months and she once again decided she wanted to be on top. Okay. But during, I recalled that after a while, she lost interest and I didn't want her to feel like she had to be up there all day bobbing up and down and exhausting herself, so I concentrated real hard to make sure it didn't take too long. When I came (which was actually anything but satisfying for me) she got this disappointed look on her face, stared down at me and said "You weren't supposed to come yet, that was supposed to be for my pleasure."

So I had a genuine opportunity here to make it really good for her, but because of a lack of communication either in or out of the bedroom, it ended up being a downer for both of us.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> An interesting anecdote and one I can relate to.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Hahaha that’s a total lack of communication! 
And that would all be avoided with courtesy communication! We are not mind readers people which is why I had my OP to begin with.


----------



## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Used to have an Italian-Hungarian GF. After we had sex, the neighbors would smoke. And, they were Mormon.


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Marc878 said:


> Is yelling "Geronimo" at the top of your voice not good?


I'm reminded of Kevin Nealon's character in Weeds, who at the moment of climax often yelled out "LEGENDARY!!!!!" :laugh:


----------



## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

23cm said:


> Used to have an Italian-Hungarian GF. After we had sex, the neighbors would smoke. And, they were Mormon.


Spewed my coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Always better to moan, than to mourn the good "O" that got away.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Ever notice how god is mentioned during sex and in catastrophic instances of life? I wonder why? Anyone know? 

Even atheists and agnostics will mention god. :scratchhead:


----------

