# keylogger advice?



## backandforth (Jun 26, 2014)

I have reason to believe my husband is doing more than business related things on his computer and I would like to find out what is going on. Can anyone tell me anything about keylogger? Is there a downloadable free program that is legit and will he be able to detect it or know that anything has been downloaded into his computer? I know NOTHING about keylogger. Can someone help me out here please??


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Many of the better keyloggers are not free. I used and liked Webwatcher, which was around $100. You download it to the target computer, so you will need access to that computer for about 30 minutes to set everything up. Thereafter you can access the logs from anywhere, on any other computer/device, via a secure website.


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## backandforth (Jun 26, 2014)

Thanks, is there any way he can detect it?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Is this a computer that was provided to him by his employer? If so -- and, due to possible legal ramifications -- I'd be very hesitant to even entertain the notion of placing a keylogger on it.


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## catsa (Jun 8, 2013)

I have both Webwatcher and Spector key loggers on same computer. Much prefer Spector. Easier to use. Web watcher misses some stuff. Also, when you want to actually see the website accessed, you must log in to WW. Cumbersome. If you add EBlaster onto Spector, it sends email reports to your own email.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catsa (Jun 8, 2013)

If you're going to do this, 

1- Get a prepaid Visa (Vanilla Visa is dependable) and set your browser on Private or Incognito. Do the install. After, check your download history and anything else you can. They do install "stealth", but just be sure. Also, cookies. 

2- Once In place, they're invisible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Refog has a free trial. Now, the free ones out there aren't that stealthy. You get what you pay for.

I've used SpyAgent, but it's not that user friendly, but very stealthy once you make the virus scanner exceptions. Webwatcher, Spector Pro and EBlaster are very good, stealthy, and recommended. 

Go here:

Best Computer Monitoring Software 2014 | Reviews, Ratings & More


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Webwatcher did it's job for me


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Keyloggers generally work when you have great control over the computer. If it is his work computer from an employer, you probably will not even have rights to install anything and as was stated, the legal ramification could be criminal. 

Some keyloggers require continued access to the computer to 'harvest' the logs and only a few allow you to view and pull the logs from another system.

I did not go the keylogger route because I did not have reliable access to the target, and the additional complication of needing to crack the admin password. Fortunately I have extensive IT security skills and was about to get what I needed in other ways, including more traditional intelligence methods.

One thing to keep in mind is that, even today, the best intel is acquired physically. 

Search his garbage, keep an eye out for ripped up pieces of paper in his trash. 

Look at work journals for passwords. Most people use the same ones everywhere.

Casually observe his phone password being entered, as you are able, catching only one or two numbers at a time. write those down and reconstruct the pin over several observations. 

Review activity on the mobile bill, CC statements.

Record mileage on the car and see if it jives with what he is saying.

If you use them, keep an inventory of his condom stash. (guys, weigh her personal lubricant on a food scale and track its use)

Most of all, give no hint that you are suspicious until you find nothing or find something. confronting him with just suspicions will make it harder to find anything if it is there.

You are embarking on period in your life that might best described as manic and obsessive. Anyway it is not healthy. If you have not found what you are looking for less then a month, consider another approach to your issues. This activity is toxic, time consuming, and empty--you don't want to make it your life.

Good luck


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Work computer, schmwork computer. It's his problem, not yours. Go for it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Keyloggers generally work when you have great control over the computer. If it is his work computer from an employer, you probably will not even have rights to install anything and as was stated, the legal ramification could be criminal.
> 
> Some keyloggers require continued access to the computer to 'harvest' the logs and only a few allow you to view and pull the logs from another system.


This is why you go with the top recommended keyloggers because they DON't require extensive access and the logs are emailed to you if you wish. The good ones, like the ones mentioned already, have good tech support, one even has 24 hour tech support. Again, you get what you pay for.


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## backandforth (Jun 26, 2014)

It is not a work computer so that is not a problem.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

backandforth said:


> It is not a work computer so that is not a problem.


Go for it!

Spector Pro w/ the eBlaster add-on works well, though I've read that sometimes the automated reporting can be a bit spotty (it may not always report website and/or chat activity, but the keylogger reporting seems to always work).

I've heard good things about WebWatcher as well.

Does he used a Mac or a Windows-based PC? This is important.


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## backandforth (Jun 26, 2014)

he uses windows 8 which I really dont like. Will it be hard to install with that?


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Keyloggers generally work when you have great control over the computer. If it is his work computer from an employer, you probably will not even have rights to install anything and as was stated, the legal ramification could be criminal.
> 
> Some keyloggers require continued access to the computer to 'harvest' the logs and only a few allow you to view and pull the logs from another system. You get what you pay for. I was serious about finding out what was going on and willing to pay the money to do so. Technically I have good access to WS's laptop but I wanted to minimize the amount of time spent on it. SpectorPro was the way to go. Everything is emailed to an address I designated. I have been very happy with the results.
> 
> ...


OP, re keyloggers - I recommend SpectorPro and would not go with anything free, or anything free or paid which would require regular and ongoing access to your husband's computer. You can set up SpectorPro to email all data collected to an email address of your choosing. I would also recommend setting up a separate email account for this purpose, in the case your WS has access to your regular email or you think he may try to hack into it in the future. 

Please note that every so often you will need to access his computer to install SpectorPro software updates; I've had to do that once or twice since 2012. Also, there is nothing on the laptop which would indicate to my WS that SpectorPro is installed. The download instructions are specific as to how to erase your tracks. Good luck.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

backandforth said:


> he uses windows 8 which I really dont like. Will it be hard to install with that?


It depends. If he uses anti-malware software of any kind, it will have to be configured in such a way that it essentially overlooks the keylogger, otherwise the keylogger will be detected and reported as malware.

What does your husband do for a living?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

backandforth said:


> he uses windows 8 which I really dont like. Will it be hard to install with that?


On the good ones like Webwatcher, Spy Agent, Spector Pro, eBlaster, when you purchase the software, there will be detailed instructions on how to install it according to the operating system. Plus, the good ones have tech support that you can call or email if you run into any problems.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

TryingToRecover said:


> If the WS uses a phone with a touch screen, sometimes swipe marks are visible and can give clues as to what the passcode is.


I did exactly this along with writing down all the birthdays of pets and relatives to seed a list of numbers to fill in the missing digits with a brute force attack and cracked the passcode.


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## backandforth (Jun 26, 2014)

Gus from what I can tell, it looks like he has webroot. What can I do about that? (I dont know a lot about computers).

He is in sales. Out of town a good bit.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

backandforth said:


> Gus from what I can tell, it looks like he has webroot. What can I do about that? (I dont know a lot about computers).
> 
> He is in sales. Out of town a good bit.


As lordmayhem mentioned, many of the better keylogger software vendors will have instructions that can be used to configure different anti-malware suites so that the keylogger's activity isn't detected and reported as malicious.

Have a look at these links...

WebWatcher FAQs for Computer Monitoring

Antivirus Overview

Note: If you decide to purchase Spector Pro, you'll want to purchase the e-Blaster add-on to go w/ it. It should cost a total of about 200 bucks for everything.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

No one has asked the important questions yet. Is the OP seeing a counselor? What will the OP do if suspicions are verified or dismissed? Is the information going to be used to win arguments, or to galvanize a decision to resolve the dysfunction?

Having that kind of access in a clandestine way can cause a person to fixate and obsess over the actual act of getting/reviewing said information. That kind of obsession/addiction can get in the way of a persons ability to secure solid evidence for confrontation and resolution.

Any tool can cause harm if misused, secrecy is a double edged blade, while useful in preventing an affair from going underground while a person is investigating, it is still toxic to a relationship and has to be limited as much as possible. Once the proof is secure, there is no need for secrecy and it should be abandoned.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Paladin said:


> No one has asked the important questions yet. Is the OP seeing a counselor? What will the OP do if suspicions are verified or dismissed? Is the information going to be used to win arguments, or to galvanize a decision to resolve the dysfunction?
> 
> Having that kind of access in a clandestine way can cause a person to fixate and obsess over the actual act of getting/reviewing said information. That kind of obsession/addiction can get in the way of a persons ability to secure solid evidence for confrontation and resolution.
> 
> Any tool can cause harm if misused, secrecy is a double edged blade, while useful in preventing an affair from going underground while a person is investigating, it is still toxic to a relationship and has to be limited as much as possible. Once the proof is secure, there is no need for secrecy and it should be abandoned.


I still have a keylogger installed on my WS's laptop two years later. He knows I monitor but does not know how I do it, that part will stay a secret as far as I'm concerned. His affair changed everything so the rules had to change. I don't check the email where my keylogger reports go except for maybe every week or so....and I am a person who tends to obsess a lot. IMO, most BS's go through a phase where they are obsessive over monitoring. BTDT but it has lessened a LOT over time and with the work in R WS does put in. 

You make good points in your post but I'm all for providing info on this kind of thing to BS's. I'd rather have someone obsess a bit than not implement what's out there to obtain information which can, in many cases, save their lives, prevent being completely blindsided, plan accordingly, and so on. I don't enjoy monitoring but I feel it's necessary in light of my WS's choices.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

TryingToRecover said:


> I still have a keylogger installed on my WS's laptop two years later. He knows I monitor but does not know how I do it, that part will stay a secret as far as I'm concerned. His affair changed everything so the rules had to change. I don't check the email where my keylogger reports go except for maybe every week or so....and I am a person who tends to obsess a lot. IMO, most BS's go through a phase where they are obsessive over monitoring. BTDT but it has lessened a LOT over time and with the work in R WS does put in.
> 
> You make good points in your post but I'm all for providing info on this kind of thing to BS's. I'd rather have someone obsess a bit than not implement what's out there to obtain information which can, in many cases, save their lives, prevent being completely blindsided, plan accordingly, and so on. I don't enjoy monitoring but I feel it's necessary in light of my WS's choices.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You might want to be careful with this from a security standpoint. There are several routes to compromise the information you are collecting which have expose your bank account or identity theft. Very likely what you are collecting is being sent clear text ( not encrypted ) over the internet to the pop mail server and, depending on the service, the server itself could be a collector for credit card, passwords and personal information by a bad actor. 

While this risk is acceptable short term, keeping it on for years would be a real concern.

Examples: 

Spy Agent sends you the logs as an email client of your own email. So even though Gmail is secure to view on the web, the email session that sends the mail from the logged PC to GMAIL sends it clear text to google. Anyone collecting this information, like say a hostile mirror/monitor at Starbucks, can scrape the sensitive data.

Webwatcher stores the information on it's servers for you to access securely. If we can assume that the information is delivered securely to their servers, you still have the fact that they have a this giant body of sensitive data that would be very attractive for an unhappy employee to copy and sell to a group of Russian/Chinese hackers.

If I where an intelligence service, I would front a company that offered an awesome free key-logger and I would use it as an intel treasure trove of trade and government secrets and access.. 

Just think of the poetry of getting all those betrayed spouses to unknowingly work as an agent for you and place your collection software on the computers of powerful and influential people. 

For real do we even know where any of this software comes from?

Sounds crazy? I will bet you lunch that this will pop in the news over the next five years....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TryingToRecover said:


> IMO, most BS's go through a phase where they are obsessive over monitoring.


Yep. It's commonly referred to as hyper-vigilance.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ScrambledEggs said:


> You might want to be careful with this from a security standpoint. There are several routes to compromise the information you are collecting which have expose your bank account or identity theft. Very likely what you are collecting is being sent clear text ( not encrypted ) over the internet to the pop mail server and, depending on the service, the server itself could be a collector for credit card, passwords and personal information by a bad actor.
> 
> While this risk is acceptable short term, keeping it on for years would be a real concern.
> 
> ...


/swoon


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> I still have a keylogger installed on my WS's laptop two years later. He knows I monitor but does not know how I do it, that part will stay a secret as far as I'm concerned. His affair changed everything so the rules had to change. I don't check the email where my keylogger reports go except for maybe every week or so....and I am a person who tends to obsess a lot. IMO, most BS's go through a phase where they are obsessive over monitoring. BTDT but it has lessened a LOT over time and with the work in R WS does put in.
> 
> You make good points in your post but I'm all for providing info on this kind of thing to BS's. I'd rather have someone obsess a bit than not implement what's out there to obtain information which can, in many cases, save their lives, prevent being completely blindsided, plan accordingly, and so on. I don't enjoy monitoring but I feel it's necessary in light of my WS's choices.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not about to tell anyone else how to run their R, but I approached the requirement for transparency as something both spouses had to commit to. In fact, in the early stages of R it can actually serve as a relationship building tool, and a way to develop better communication. 

ie "Hey, I'm feeling insecure today, I'd like to go over the accounts with you." Then sit down together and do just that. Still as random as you want, still with the ability to check on your own, but instead, choosing to include the fWS in the process.

Doing so helps on two fronts. One, it allows you to feel secure whenever you need to, and Two, it allows the fWS to feel like they are meeting a standard and can be proud of the absence of dysfunctional activity. Both of which can lead to quicker bonding and trust.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> You might want to be careful with this from a security standpoint. There are several routes to compromise the information you are collecting which have expose your bank account or identity theft. Very likely what you are collecting is being sent clear text ( not encrypted ) over the internet to the pop mail server and, depending on the service, the server itself could be a collector for credit card, passwords and personal information by a bad actor. In my case, none of the information the keylogger is collecting from my WS's laptop would be considered sensitive data, such as credit card and banking information. He does not make purchases via the web on his laptop, no online banking, no paying bills, nothing like that. He surfs the web and checks his email periodically, no social media before or after the affair. Any bad guy looking for a bank account to hack into or a credit card number to use won't find it in the emailed reports from SpectorPro to the email I designated.
> 
> While this risk is acceptable short term, keeping it on for years would be a real concern.
> 
> ...


People communicate via the internet, including WS's and their AP's. I could have dug through the garbage looking for ripped up love notes from the xOW, of which there more than likely were none, or spent hours or longer trying to guess at passwords, or counted condoms (not really, we don't use them). No thanks. Without the keylogger I would not have had proof of the affair as soon as I did nor likely ever known how much porn he was really watching during that time. I'd take the very small chance of identity theft in this manner over being blindsided by adultery and all its associated risks any day of the week. Just my .02.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

backandforth said:


> I have reason to believe my husband is doing more than business related things on his computer and I would like to find out what is going on. Can anyone tell me anything about keylogger? Is there a downloadable free program that is legit and will he be able to detect it or know that anything has been downloaded into his computer? I know NOTHING about keylogger. Can someone help me out here please??


So he uses Windows. That make it easy enough to add a software. I'd definitely go for a pay product. Don't get cheap on this. Chipcatie mentioned one product. The thing is, you get what you pay for and in this case it's something that's easy enough to install and use. If he's like most people then so long as his machine is working and doesn't have a virus then he won't notice.

Problem #2. If you don't find anything then you'll want to un-install this after a few months.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Paladin said:


> I am not about to tell anyone else how to run their R, but I approached the requirement for transparency as something both spouses had to commit to. In fact, in the early stages of R it can actually serve as a relationship building tool, and a way to develop better communication.
> 
> ie "Hey, I'm feeling insecure today, I'd like to go over the accounts with you." Then sit down together and do just that. Still as random as you want, still with the ability to check on your own, but instead, choosing to include the fWS in the process.
> 
> Doing so helps on two fronts. One, it allows you to feel secure whenever you need to, and Two, it allows the fWS to feel like they are meeting a standard and can be proud of the absence of dysfunctional activity. Both of which can lead to quicker bonding and trust.


I am transparent in that he knows I access his computer at times but I am not transparent whatsoever as to the tool I use to do so. Not necessary for me to disclose that. If I were to find something questionable, like I did here and there in earlier days of R, I'd ask him about it. It's working for us 2+ years later.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

TryingToRecover said:


> People communicate via the internet, including WS's and their AP's. I could have dug through the garbage looking for ripped up love notes from the xOW, of which there more than likely were none, or spent hours or longer trying to guess at passwords, or counted condoms (not really, we don't use them). No thanks. Without the keylogger I would not have had proof of the affair as soon as I did nor likely ever known how much porn he was really watching during that time. I'd take the very small chance of identity theft in this manner over being blindsided by adultery and all its associated risks any day of the week. Just my .02.


Everyone with a salaried job in government or the private sector is at risk and is a target. Even beyond that. Virtual desktops are becoming common so keyloggers will catch your work stuff off your home computer. While I appreciate that this largely does not apply to you, it is a risk for a lot of people. Half my post was for a wider audience.

I find it a bit odd that anyone would use a device a lot and not make purchases but then I'd have a computer implanted in my head if I could...


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> I am transparent in that he knows I access his computer at times but I am not transparent whatsoever as to the tool I use to do so. Not necessary for me to disclose that. If I were to find something questionable, like I did here and there in earlier days of R, I'd ask him about it. It's working for us 2+ years later.


I subscribe to the belief that there can be no secrets in a healthy marriage. In your initial post here you refer to him as a WS, you say you guys are 2 years into R, when does he earn the f in fWS? Are you still on the fence about staying?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> I still have a keylogger installed on my WS's laptop two years later. He knows I monitor but does not know how I do it, that part will stay a secret as far as I'm concerned. His affair changed everything so the rules had to change. I don't check the email where my keylogger reports go except for maybe every week or so....and I am a person who tends to obsess a lot. IMO, most BS's go through a phase where they are obsessive over monitoring. BTDT but it has lessened a LOT over time and with the work in R WS does put in.
> 
> You make good points in your post but I'm all for providing info on this kind of thing to BS's. I'd rather have someone obsess a bit than not implement what's out there to obtain information which can, in many cases, save their lives, prevent being completely blindsided, plan accordingly, and so on. I don't enjoy monitoring but I feel it's necessary in light of my WS's choices.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hypervigilance is completely normal after D-Day, its part of the response to emotional trauma. Its no different from having been mugged, then being fearful of being mugged again for a while. The hypervigilance does fade with time and the effort of the WS to be transparent.

You will find that as time passes and you continue to find nothing, you begin to get bored with monitoring and you start to feel safe again. You begin to monitor less and less often. You will even get to the point when you can't remember when was the last time you monitored.

Monitoring is great for the healing process, because the BS can see for themselves that nothing is going on. I can't remember the last time I monitored and have since uninstalled the keylogger.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Sounds crazy? I will bet you lunch that this will pop in the news over the next five years....


My friend has been using Spector Pro for about 10 years now back when he was monitoring his daughters computer usage when they were in middle school and high school. I myself bought SpyAgent years ago. 

If it were shady, then why would these programs have tech support? Computer monitoring software is a legitimate business/personal product. I'm sure you've heard of NetNanny, that's also computer monitoring software.

Best Computer Monitoring Software 2014 | Reviews, Ratings & More


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> I am transparent in that he knows I access his computer at times but I am not transparent whatsoever as to the tool I use to do so. Not necessary for me to disclose that. If I were to find something questionable, like I did here and there in earlier days of R, I'd ask him about it. It's working for us 2+ years later.


But is it really working for both of you?? Kind of sounds like BS justification in a way. "Since he started the whole mess and was hiding things, then I am able to do what I need to discover/ uncover his mess!" Just like the WS would tell everyone "we have a rotten marriage (and both of us agree on that) and the spouse is withdrawn, controlling, lazy, with-holding sex, etc" to everyone that would listen and felt the need to hide everything to justify their actions. Two wrongs don't make a right. I realize that he needs to own his bad choices and actions and face consequences for them, but if you aren't being fully transparent either, then you are being just as wrong as he was before.

This is just my honest opinion, as you are not just monitoring his actions, you are basically tracking and stalking in a way. How long before you decide to stop the covert actions? If you are truly in R, are you really 100% committed if you are keeping secrets just as he was??

I am a BS myself, but believe that for R to truly happen both parties need to be fully involved/ committed 100% and no secrets need to exist. He might be fine with you monitoring through random checking, but would he be fine with you capturing every keystroke that he types on his computer? If you can answer "No" to that, then you are not really being fully transparent to him either.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> My friend has been using Spector Pro for about 10 years now back when he was monitoring his daughters computer usage when they were in middle school and high school. I myself bought SpyAgent years ago.
> 
> If it were shady, then why would these programs have tech support? Computer monitoring software is a legitimate business/personal product. I'm sure you've heard of NetNanny, that's also computer monitoring software.
> 
> Best Computer Monitoring Software 2014 | Reviews, Ratings & More


I agree with these sentiments and that it is a tool that can have legitimate and useful purposes. I don't agree with your reasoning regrading tech support. They have tech support for the same reason that everyone else has tech support, to help and assist the customers having issues and possibly to make more money from its services (as not all offer free support, and then generally only for a limited time when they do). 

Several shady companies/ services offer tech support/ customer service (think adult hook up sites aimed at furthering A's and aiding in the break up of marriages), companies that assist in obtaining free satellite services, etc. They know they can make a dollar resolving people's issues and it helps sell more product, and as long as they operate within the requirements of the law, why shouldn't they be able to profit from this? 

Tech support are like guarantees and don't make something legitimate or better but is just a way to further profits (and in some cases to cover up for bad quality in the product itself):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEB7WbTTlu4


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Paladin said:


> I subscribe to the belief that there can be no secrets in a healthy marriage. In your initial post here you refer to him as a WS, you say you guys are 2 years into R, when does he earn the f in fWS? Are you still on the fence about staying?


I agree with you about secrets in a marriage, and that's why his affair was terrible . No, not on the fence about staying at all. Nor is he. 

When deciding to R, we agreed that monitoring would take place and he said it was completely up to me how I wanted to conduct that monitoring and for how long. He knows the monitoring is taking place so I've not kept him in the dark and no, I've never disclosed the method and I stand by that personal decision. What looks like R to you and what looks like R to someone else can be a little or a lot different. It's working for us and that's what counts.

He is also welcome to look at any of my devices at any time and for all I know he could have a keylogger installed on my laptop. If he does, great and if he doesn't, that's fine too. I would not be upset to find out one was installed as I don't have anything to hide.

IMO two years is not very long but other people might see it as a long time, as you might. Up to you. It takes 2-5 years to recover from an affair and I would not say our marriage has totally recovered but things are improving all the time.

I've referred to my husband as a WS and a fWS, just as I have referred to the OW as such, sometimes I refer to her as xOW or AP/xAP too. I should probably stick to one or the other but hey, I'm not perfect. Regardless of which keys I use when typing those titles in, WS is earning my trust back and we work on our marriage every day.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> But is it really working for both of you?? Kind of sounds like BS justification in a way. "Since he started the whole mess and was hiding things, then I am able to do what I need to discover/ uncover his mess!" Just like the WS would tell everyone "we have a rotten marriage (and both of us agree on that) and the spouse is withdrawn, controlling, lazy, with-holding sex, etc" to everyone that would listen and felt the need to hide everything to justify their actions. Two wrongs don't make a right. I realize that he needs to own his bad choices and actions and face consequences for them, but if you aren't being fully transparent either, then you are being just as wrong as he was before.
> 
> This is just my honest opinion, as you are not just monitoring his actions, you are basically tracking and stalking in a way. How long before you decide to stop the covert actions? If you are truly in R, are you really 100% committed if you are keeping secrets just as he was??
> 
> I am a BS myself, but believe that for R to truly happen both parties need to be fully involved/ committed 100% and no secrets need to exist. He might be fine with you monitoring through random checking, but would he be fine with you capturing every keystroke that he types on his computer? If you can answer "No" to that, then you are not really being fully transparent to him either.


Your use of the word stalking makes it sound like I'm hounding his every move and I'm not . As I mentioned in a previous post, I check that email where the keylogger reports go to maybe once a week, sometimes go longer. I also mentioned I'm no longer in that obsessive state of monitoring and in fact, its been some time since I've felt like that.

Yes, he has emphatically told me more than once he is fine with whatever method I choose to use to monitor his PC activity and to what degree I'd like to monitor. We have discussed that particular issue more than once. He is not much of a tech guy but he is aware of the programs out there.

I'll decide to uninstall the keylogger when I'm ready and I'm not ready. Two years in R is not a long time. It takes 2-5 years to recover and 2 years is on the low end. 

I'm not attempting to justify anything but think what you'd like, up to you. His choices dictated my choices, rather forced my choices. Part of the terms of R included monitoring and in his own words he is ok with whatever and for however long I need to do so. So I disagree with your statement as to my wrongness. His choices risked my health, our marriage, our finances, everything. If protecting myself makes me a stalker then so be it, I'm a stalker :smthumbup::scratchhead:.

BTW, your version of R and my version don't need to match for mine to work for my marriage and yours for your marriage.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Hypervigilance is completely normal after D-Day, its part of the response to emotional trauma. Its no different from having been mugged, then being fearful of being mugged again for a while. The hypervigilance does fade with time and the effort of the WS to be transparent.
> 
> You will find that as time passes and you continue to find nothing, you begin to get bored with monitoring and you start to feel safe again. *You begin to monitor less and less often. * You will even get to the point when you can't remember when was the last time you monitored.
> 
> Monitoring is great for the healing process, because the BS can see for themselves that nothing is going on. I can't remember the last time I monitored and have since uninstalled the keylogger.


I do not check that email very often, I only look over the cell bill once a month when I pay it. I used to check that keylogger email religiously and monitor the cell bill several times a day.

Recovery is 2-5 years and we're at two years, the low end. I'll uninstall the keylogger in my timeframe of readiness, not anyone else's. I'll recover in my timeframe, not anyone else's.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Apologies to the OP, I've realized I've been a party to T/J your post. Done now, please..... no more questions about my continued use of a keylogger, I'm done explaining.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> I do not check that email very often, I only look over the cell bill once a month when I pay it. I used to check that keylogger email religiously and monitor the cell bill several times a day.
> 
> Recovery is 2-5 years and we're at two years, the low end. I'll uninstall the keylogger in my timeframe of readiness, not anyone else's. I'll recover in my timeframe, not anyone else's.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Well said. Uninstall it only when you feel ready. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. This is your right as a BS. The healing process does take time, some sooner than others, some longer than others. Everyone is different.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> When deciding to R, we agreed that monitoring would take place and he said it was completely up to me how I wanted to conduct that monitoring and for how long. He knows the monitoring is taking place so I've not kept him in the dark and no, I've never disclosed the method and I stand by that personal decision. What looks like R to you and what looks like R to someone else can be a little or a lot different. It's working for us and that's what counts.


Good to hear, as I mentioned in my initial post to you, if its working, keep it up. Seems as if the boundaries for this were well established and understood by both spouses. I no longer felt the need to covertly monitor her actions once I confirmed the A, after that, it was up to her to show me that she understood the issues, and in the first year or so she regularly asked me to sit with her so she could show me her accounts.

I felt secure and she felt proud when there was nothing going on. It helped us alot.



> He is also welcome to look at any of my devices at any time and for all I know he could have a keylogger installed on my laptop. If he does, great and if he doesn't, that's fine too. I would not be upset to find out one was installed as I don't have anything to hide.


Good, so long as it applies both ways its fine IMO.



> IMO two years is not very long but other people might see it as a long time, as you might. It takes 2-5 years to recover from an affair and I would not say our marriage has totally recovered but things are improving all the time.


Anything in the 2-5 year range is acceptable to me personally. I consider us fully reconciled, we are 3 years out. If things fail now, it will be a failed marriage, not a failed reconciliation. 




> I've referred to my husband as a WS and a fWS, just as I have referred to the OW as such, sometimes I refer to her as xOW or AP/xAP too. I should probably stick to one or the other but hey, I'm not perfect. Regardless of which keys I use when typing those titles in, WS is earning my trust back and we work on our marriage every day.


I asked because sometimes the wording does make a difference. If it doesnt bother him to wear the WS label, or have it be in flux with fWS, 2 years out, thats fine. So long as both of you are working at it and making progress, nothing else matters. Keep it up, and best of luck to you both.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

I'm surprised to see that nobody mentioned the use of USB based keyloggers. These are discreet, small, and do not require installation of any software on the target computer at all. USB based keyloggers work by inserting themselves between the external keyboard and the USB port of the computer tower. They capture every single keystroke and are completely invisible to all sorts of malware/anti-virus.

I used a Keygrabber made by KeeLog and it worked fine for my purposes. https://www.keelog.com/

Downsides are:
1) Won't work on a laptop. Need to have an external keyboard
2) Records every single keystroke. This can be sometimes hard to follow especially when lots of spelling errors (delete,etc) are pressed.
3) Doesn't record mouse activity. So if your mark uses favorites on IE or firefox you won't see the exact name of the website they went to. Same goes for saved passwords on Chrome/firefox. These won't be recorded.
4) Use of disability mouse-based keyboards will easily thwart a hardware based keylogger
5) Need to physically take the USB logger and download the log file and review later. No real time monitoring.

Upsides:
1) Cheap only $45 for a lifetime of use
2) No monthly fees

UPDATE: I just went to the KeyLog website and noticed that they have a new wifi based USB stick that you can remotely monitor. This is new from the last time I bought mine.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Both Spector Pro and Eblaster are the same company and both are very good.. We had several criminal investigations related to them being installed on computers..



thatbpguy said:


> Work computer, schmwork computer. It's his problem, not yours. Go for it.


I TRULY get what you're saying and I know this isn't his work computer. 

But just my own PSA here for the general TAM public.

Some companies might not care and turn an eye if they find out some keylogger was installed on their computer depending on the facts behind it.. As an example I could see them being upset over this and the husband being embarrassed once they found out why the logger was on there.. 

But some might not.. 

1. He could just be fired, depending on data stored on the computer. 
2. She could get arrested for computer trespass and criminal impersonation. 

Doctors cheat on their spouses too.. Sometimes they use work computers.. Those work computers sometimes have patient information on them... When the Wayward spouse finds out and puts a keylogger on the computer they are in violation of HIPAA Laws.. Doctors or people with high incomes in these situations will now use this in their favor to get the spouse arrested in hopes of getting a more favorable divorce outcome. Especially when the other person is a working professional as well and could lose their work or license.. 

There are things I NEVER thought my EX wife would do.. I was dead wrong..

End of PSA, back to the regularly scheduled thread..


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Top link of my signature contains quite a bit of other stuff.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Installing on a work computer is not recommended. You never know when mega-corp finds something and sends one of its 9878979 lawyers on a hunt.


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## catsa (Jun 8, 2013)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Everyone with a salaried job in government or the private sector is at risk and is a target. Even beyond that. Virtual desktops are becoming common so keyloggers will catch your work stuff off your home computer. While I appreciate that this largely does not apply to you, it is a risk for a lot of people. Half my post was for a wider audience.
> 
> I find it a bit odd that anyone would use a device a lot and not make purchases but then I'd have a computer implanted in my head if I could...


FWIW, I have both WebWatcher and Spector on my home computer. MUCH prefer Spector. WW is cumbersome to use, and no way to see screenshots at 5 second intervals , as Spector does. Good for catching Skype sessions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JasonKaven (Oct 24, 2014)

backandforth said:


> I have reason to believe my husband is doing more than business related things on his computer and I would like to find out what is going on. Can anyone tell me anything about keylogger? Is there a downloadable free program that is legit and will he be able to detect it or know that anything has been downloaded into his computer? I know NOTHING about keylogger. Can someone help me out here please??


Hi, A little late to see this thread. I used Micro Keylogger last year, really nice! Powerful logging features allows you to log everything, and also you can also control the web visits, and app usages on the computer. Okay, I don't want to be regarded as a spammer, go to its official website to know more about it by yourself.


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## freshnikar (May 23, 2017)

No updates on this thread .is Spector pro still recommended ?


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