# Emotionally mute husband



## altaclara29 (Jul 30, 2014)

We've been married 15 years and my husband NEVER talks about feelings in any way, except to show anger or frustration. When he wants sex he just pulls me to him and starts dry humping me or groping me. I've explained this behavior doesn't work for me, but then Im being a ***** and not trying to work on our relationship. 
I've strongly encouraged him to seek therapy (I have and am) but he says its "stupid"

Any clues what to do here? 

We do have a child, who is also quiet but trying to break out of the emotionally mute mind frame. I hate to say it, but it's almost like my husband is emotionally retarded. He can only talk about "fun" or stupid stuff. My husband has no problem chit chatting with people at parties.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So he's always been this way, and doesn't want to change. You need to go on that premise, and figure out what you're willing to do about them.

C


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

There are men who feel most comfortable not feeling, or at least not showing their feelings. Anger and frustration are ok, but anything else is stuffed and definitely not shared. It makes for a lonely marriage if you are, like probably 95% of women, someone who needs emotional connection with their mate.

As I read elsewhere on TAM, it takes willingness and capability for someone to change. If he dismisses therapy out of hand, and doesn't want to do anything to connect with you, then I strongly suspect he's never going to be different than he is today. Don't do what I did and waste years of your life hoping and asking and begging for connection that can't happen. He's likely not capable and moreover doesn't want to.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

altaclara29 said:


> We've been married 15 years and my husband NEVER talks about feelings in any way, except to show anger or frustration. When he wants sex he just pulls me to him and starts dry humping me or groping me. I've explained this behavior doesn't work for me, but then Im being a ***** and not trying to work on our relationship.
> I've strongly encouraged him to seek therapy (I have and am) but he says its "stupid"
> 
> Any clues what to do here?
> ...


What does he think he is doing to work on your relationship? Have you told him what you would like him to do rather than what he is doing? Maybe he doesn't fully understand. He was trained by someone that the only emotions that are acceptable for a man to express are anger. He has an image of a strong man who doesn't see therapy and doesn't show emotions. That really can't be changed unless he wants to change it. 

Was he always that way sexually or is this new? Or is it something that you realized you don't have to accept? Is he willing to work on that with you at least? What are you willing to accept?


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