# the truth at last



## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

well i got the keys off him today he strolled in at his usual time for the shower and change of clothes stinking of drink, i had been to the doctor yesterday and he said im suffering from anxiety and depression also high blood pressure got some medication and hopefully this will get me through this bad patch, i finally got the truth out of him regards the affair i was right when i took him back twice that it wasnt over, i asked for some details it started off as an EA then progressed into PA,he cares about her and is love with her.... although not the way he loves me.... he started crying and saying what had he done to me as i reckon he can see i am an emonotial wreck , was very hard for me not to say just come home but i didnt i told him that he cant be with me and her i didnt give him a choice of being with me again i told him it was over between us and that he was now not officially an sneaky affair any longer as that as far as i was concerned this other woman is his partner, in saying all this my heart is breaking ,he asked me what he was going to do i said do whatyou have been doing for the past three months its not my concern anymore, i also told him that i would not be contacting him regarding anything anything else apart from the biz that we unfortunatly have together and expected the same from him, i also told him to bring his new relationship out into the open as he was no longer cheating on me as there is is no longer any us, and that he did not have to hide anymore i also wished him luck in his new relationship YEAH RIGHT.. he got emotional again i asked him to please leave asap i was calm, didnt scream or accuse , jesus now though the reality is kicking in am sobbing on my own here and feel like crap just want to turn back the clock and make it all go away


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I know you're hurting, MC-but good for you!


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

f-102 thanks for your kind reply, hurting is putting it mildly


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Know this- you had the courage to do what's right for you

thus you have the strength to get through this and attain the happiness that you deserve

you are a stronger woman now


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Chin up! easier said than done, I know I have had part of your conversation with stbxw within the last couple of months. My divorce will be final hopefully first of next week and I will have the complete talk with her. Will it even matter to her? I have my doubts. Will it matter to me? Heck yes, she has been the love of my life for over 35 years, 30 of them married. Have I already improved my outlook? 200%. Doesnt make it any easier. But YOU deserve someone who loves YOU. YOU deserve someone who respects YOU. YOU deserve someone who wants to be with YOU. You will be happier, you will be better off. Gonna take time is what they tell me, I sometime wonder if it will be measured in decades instead of months. But both you and I will walk forward, will meet it head on. You are a strong person, you showed that by saying what needed to be said, even while crying inside. Better days ahead.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Marcat--I am sorry for your pain but happy that you finally got the truth and he finally revealed to you what was really the deal. 

GOOD FOR YOU for telling him he can't have you both and that you are done. DO NOT grovel, call him, cry/beg/or plead with him. 

Let him go.

It's good that he finally ealizes the hurt he's caused you "can't believe what he's done" to you which means the reality of his betrayal and affair has disastrous consequences and causes a lot of pain.

Are you guys married? Or long-term relationship? (I can't remember).

My advice is to move on. Cut him out of your life (aside from the business--figure out the legalities of that) and do not look back. He has chosen to continue his affair and like you said, he doesn't get to go back and forth between you two anymore.

You deserve better.


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## thecw (Aug 24, 2011)

Marcat, I too am feeling pain. You're not alone. I applaud your decision. I will have to make that decision soon, I think.


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

The only thing I could add to all the great advice already given is it may help to find someone who you can talk to, some support for what your going through. Maybe a counselor. It will take time but it will get better. You have to believe that it will. Its ok to cry, and grieve. Its part of the healing process. 

Forgive but dont forget. Dont let hate consum your heart. Keep your heart open to love. There's people who love you and are praying for you.


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## Tisme (Sep 16, 2011)

Standing with you from afar, in a totally non-EA way, but standing with you nonetheless.


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

jellybeans no we are not married we have been living together for 11 yrs and previous to that dating for a few years, we have a morgage on our house joint names and also have a morgage on the bar joint names also, both of us work full time as things are very hard in these finincial times, before the affair we worked a lot together in the bar usually having a day off together, we usually worked 4 daytime shifts together finished about 5pm i did 1 night per week and he did 2 nights per wk usually 5pm-12ish, then he decided he preferred doing nights or even staying back after 5pm in case it got busy, i know a friend of this woman and i askedherdid she know anything about the affair she answered me truthfully and said yes she knew all about it but that mypartner and i werehaving problems in our relationship anyway... first i knew of it, i think a lot of people knew something was going on, and toward the end when i suspected he always would say why dont you stay home today-tonight youseem tired now iknow why


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer about hte legalities iwth the joint mortgage and your business

I do not think you should leave the home unless you want to. He is the one who f-cked up. He can move in with the homewrecker. 

Oh and stop wishing him well with her. Do not wish him anything. From now on, when you speak, only discuss legalities. THAT IS IT.

Treat him as you would a colleague: cool, confident, professional. NO EMOTIONS. Don't give him the pleasure of seeing you sweat.


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

cant get my head around any of it because as far as i was concerned we had a good loving relationship,we got on well together ups and downs like everyone else but in general i was happy obvious he wasnt , heshould have spoke to me though its not like im an an ogre or anything like that im easy enough to talk to i think , maybe not for him though, and this woman is nearly 66yrs old a glamarous 66 but nevertheless , im 50 ,he 49, im no cindy crawford but am attractive enough, look after myself my apperance and all that , i really dont know what went wrong and am praying to god that i will be able to cope, and in all honesty i love this person with all my heart, i know he would come back in a second but for how long would he be faithful before it all started up again and then it would be back to square 1,, i dont know what hold she has over him maybe it is love i dont know, but when he was back a couple of weeks ago and i asked himto call her infront of me to break contact the ans was no, that really hurt me a lot how come he had only been with her 3mths and couldnt do this for me the person thats been in his life for nearly 15yrs and was supposed to love ,,,,, really really cant fathom it


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Marcat--this will hurt, but I am about to hit you with some knowledge: when one person wants out, they have generally been thinking about it for a bit or have emotionally removed themselves enough to where it does't hurt as bad for them as it does for the one on the receiving end.

That is prob why he is able to carry on this double life. It's also why your friend told you "your relationship hasn't been good for awhile now." Looking back on my last relationship, I can clearly see we were going downhill fast before either of us cheated. We took the pvssy way out and did what we did. That much ist rue. Truthfully though, we were already coming undone at the seams. The communication was crap, there was a lot of fighting, and not enough respecting. 

I'm not saying this was your relationship but what I will say is that you deserve a relationship where yo uboth put 100% in. He's not doing that. And you are worth much more and being with someone who is in it to win it with you.


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

jellybeans i suppose your right, he was detatched already and while i was sitting in feeling like i was going mad and hurting like hell he was out enjoying himself with this other woman and i didnt even enter into the equasion, and if i had not have caught them red handed twice it he probably would have kept up the pretence that they were just friends and i was imagining things, he asked me before he left would he ring me i said no dont bother i dont need any more drama in my life at the moment, i think he has maybe seen what way this has left me im shakey , stuttery and have lost nearly 2 stone in the past 3mths, maybe hes getting a fit of the guilts or whatever i dont know, i dont feel i know this person anymore if that makes sense, he rang my mobile i didnt ans and have house phone off the hook i just cant deal with anything else from him at the moment, im taking a week off work am to jittery to work behind a bar and make chit chat at the mo, it wasnt my friend that said that we had problems in our relationship it was the other womans friend,


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

maybe i should do what he did and start shagging one of the customers :lol:


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I can feel your pain marcat. But revenge is not the solution. You need to look after yourself, cover the legal bases (If I understand correctly, in many states you actually would be common-law married and would require a divorce). Don't engage in revenge sex. It's not satisfying or fair to you or the other party. This will take time. I know from first hand experience. I am still in the "OMG I don't believe what the love of my life has done to me" stage myself.

The best revenge is to have a great life without the [email protected]! (just my opinion) ;-)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Marcat. You aren't married and he has made his choice.

It might just do you some good to have some fun. Be upfront with the guy you choose, but what the hell. You wouldn't be cheating, you'd be getting some excercise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

kan-do im omly bring *****y saying about shagging one of the customers, last thing i want right now is any1 coming near me, told my sister tonight so ashamed i was why i dont know i am finding this all so confusing and i feel embarrased and ashamed


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

shaggy you have helped me answered my queries and i wish to thank you for your help, i know i am hurt,betrayed and totally out of reality at the moment, tonight when i told my sis was the first time i have spoken to anyone close to me about this horrible situation, i think i have let go to a certain extent and i do feel better that no1 can come into my house without my permission and also i cant make any1 love or care about me more than they care for some1 else sad but true


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Marcat, don't let one guy destroy your sense of howwonder*** you really are. Yes, some lonely old skank made a play for him and got him in her bed. Men are pretty weak when it coes to a full court press by a woman. Sad, but true. This is your time to realize you still got it, and can turn guys into putty too.

You just need to get your sea legs again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw. Your a woman with a bar. You do realize you are many a man's dream woman .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

MC, you have to set the example, even in the face of (his) sheer stupidity. What was that poem, about how "If you can keep your head when all others are losing theirs"?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

marcat said:


> maybe i should do what he did and start shagging one of the customers :lol:


Hehe. 

I know a lot of people suggest this dring a break up but I honestly can't think of anything worse to do. Like when people say "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else..." Oh really? Maybe for a few minutes (lol) but in the end, SO not worth it. 

Heal yourself.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

F-102: "If" by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you....

had to learn the whole thing in 7th grade. 35 years ago..lol


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