# Other ways for handling joint custody



## SoloNole (Sep 15, 2011)

I've been looking through this forum for different ways people have handled the issue of joint custody. My W (who had a EA and asked for the D) has asked to be the primary custodian and for me to move out. I travel for work so i'm not sure what my options are on fighting for primary custody. She brought up the typical "every other weekends, spliting holidays" schedule for my time with our two kids (10 & 12). We've also discussed "kids keep the house, we rotate in and out". I'm more a fan of this schedule since it will minimize the life change for the kids (I think), but it seems like it could be tough for me and her (not to mention expensive if we both get other homes).:scratchhead:


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

What do YOU want?

Don't move out of the house. Go to dadsdivorce.com, read the list, get advice and evaluate your choices. If you are a good dad, your kids need you and your W in their life. That means 50/50 custody, or as close to it as possible. Your W is proposing to give you the minimum. Document yourself.


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## SoloNole (Sep 15, 2011)

50/50 is exactly what i want at this point.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I wasn't married to my older daughter's father, but we lived together.

I left him but we had 50/50 for 8 years until she decided to live with me full time this year since he has become a bum. Literally.

But for 8 years, I had her on M-W-Th and then I'd get her at 6pm Saturday and have her Sunday.

She saw each of us everyday. If one of us dropped her off at school, the other would pick her up. It was a good schedule and she enjoyed it as well.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You also have to be realistic about what this is going to do to your job. Can you be creative with how much travel you do and when? What will the impact be on your kids if you have to switch to a job that doesn't have a travel component? What will you do with the kids when you're on the road? 

I really doubt it's in the kids best interest to be stuck with a babysitter 20, 30, even 50% of the time. So you need to take a good long look at what you're realistically willing to do. 

As far as your "kids have the home, parents swap out" approach, the way I've heard is the parents can either share a place away from the house, or they can each rent their own place away from the house. Most families I know of couldn't afford to maintain 3 houses. More power to you if you can.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

SoloNole said:


> I've been looking through this forum for different ways people have handled the issue of joint custody. My W *(who had a EA* and asked for the D) has asked to be the primary custodian and for me to move out. I travel for work so i'm not sure what my options are on fighting for primary custody. She brought up the typical "every other weekends, spliting holidays" schedule for my time with our two kids (10 & 12). We've also discussed "kids keep the house, we rotate in and out". I'm more a fan of this schedule since it will minimize the life change for the kids (I think), but it seems like it could be tough for me and her (not to mention expensive if we both get other homes).:scratchhead:


I just read your other thread. She gave you chlamydia. That's not an EA. That's a full-on PA.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

SoloNole said:


> We've also discussed "kids keep the house, we rotate in and out". I'm more a fan of this schedule since it will minimize the life change for the kids (I think), but it seems like it could be tough for me and her (not to mention expensive if we both get other homes).:scratchhead:


I've been doing this for almost 2 months, for the same reason. I think it is good for minimizing the impact on the kids. It is tough at changeover times sometimes. Most times, I walk in and she walks out without even talking. Sometimes, we make some small talk. A few times, there have been arguments. I like it in that the kids have their own beds, games, pets, etc. every day. 

Right now, and obviously this only works temporarily, I stay at my parents' on my off nights and she stays at her sister's on her off nights. Long-term, we plan to sell the house and have our own homes. If you were somehow able to afford 3 homes, now that would be a pretty cool option.


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## SoloNole (Sep 15, 2011)

aug said:


> I just read your other thread. She gave you chlamydia. That's not an EA. That's a full-on PA.


She still claims it was "one and done", but how can i trust her now? So you're probably right. I'm going crazy with emotions over this. I've checked her iphone statements and she's in frequent contact with a number outside our area code. I'm growing so distrusting of her. This isn't healthy for me.


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## SoloNole (Sep 15, 2011)

PBear said:


> You also have to be realistic about what this is going to do to your job. Can you be creative with how much travel you do and when? I really doubt it's in the kids best interest to be stuck with a babysitter 20, 30, even 50% of the time. So you need to take a good long look at what you're realistically willing to do. Most families I know of couldn't afford to maintain 3 houses. More power to you if you can.
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right now I work from home and do somewhat set my own schedule, so i have some flexibility. I agree I need to be realistic on this issue, so it will take some time to think through. Maintaining 3 residences is out of the question right now.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

SoloNole said:


> Maintaining 3 residences is out of the question right now.


Even if that was possible, it may cause more problems than it was worth. You would still have the arguments over who does the lawn care, dishes, laundry, etc. I've never actually heard of anyone doing that.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Think Long and Short term:

Short term: Week to week house sharing with the kids can work. Especially if you are both to the point of not being able to live together.

Long term: 50/50 custody should be your goal if she isn't a lousy mother or even if she is. House sold or one of you stays depends on your financial situation.

I'm in the exact same situation as you with STDs and all. I suggest you think long and hard about what you want. I would start a travel schedule on your off weeks now, before you end up in front of a judge. If you want sole custody, then you'll have to change jobs. 

I'm very apprehensive about my wife's intentions right now. She is saying 50/50 but she has a lot of animosity. She is asking me to do things for her I'm not comfortable with. I'm affaid that she'll get everythign she wants, knowing that I want us to work out, then leave anyway. You need to make your boundaries known. The things you can't do and stick to them.

GearHead


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Ideally, you will stay in the house if you can swing it, get equal custody at least and, most importantly, look for a job position where you do not have to travel and can be there for the kids at this very difficult time for them. 
Rebuild your career so the kids know they are your top priority.
Do not let your stbx use the assumption all is 'same old, same old.'

Do you think it would be do able to change work positions and bond even more with your kids?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

If you guys are not too volitle then I suggest you get a var, have it on you at all times and do not move out. If you move out you will dampen any chances you have at joint phyical custody.
If you are a good father and your stbxw actually cares more for her kids than she does her self she won't fight you too hard on getting joint phyical. 
As for other ways to do it. We each have them both 3 days a week and we split them up on sunday. The 3 days are usualy determined by her work schedule because mine stays the same. If you and your stbxw are not gonna get along verry well then I don't suggest this way of doing things because there is not set schedule in the divorce and if one of us really wanted to f$ck the other we could by law keep them for a six month block with out any recourse for the other.


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