# She will move FAR AWAY with my 2 children for no reason.



## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

Hi my fellows. 

Please read this shortened story of my marriage beforehand.

Firstly, I’m not a native english speaker, thus I’m sorry if my text happens to seem somewhat of mechanical.

Also, sorry for the long text but I do hope you read it all.

I met my current wife across a facebook’s common friend at early 2012. We kept a remote date for about 8 months so we decided to make it real. She lived far away (other state) so I traveled 2.5km for her. First time I stood there for about 5 months than I returned home, and I did it 3 times. In the third time I went because she got pregnant and some time later she came back with me to my land.

It has been 5 years past since she is here with me. We ended up with 2 kids. Currently the older one is almost 5; the younger is 2. I can’t imagine my life without them, or, I even can but I have no ideia of how to keep up and what reason I will live for. Before them I was complete lost in my life so they gave me a reason to work for something and take this life on. I had no job, I had nothing, I was a pothead teenager, but in this lapse I managed to find a comercial activity and we even got a little wealthy despite of my our troubled relationship. 

We always had the same type of mood, always had common things to laugh of together. There was almost never lack of subject to talk about between us. Although I always kept a inner feeling that she always loved me more as a friend than as a man (it may be lack of self-esteem or not) hence if she had a chance to stick with someone better she would do so. She often freaked out all of a sudden for no reason like a breakout of unhappiness and I felt she has no happy with me but keep on the way because of our children. During this lapse we had many good times together though either lovely and professionally speaking.

I always supplied her with things the most as I could afford. Although I was never the kind of romantic person, she even used to say “I love you” much oftener than I did, although she never really acted as she really loved me whereas I always did and this is something I can’t ever understand. For instance, I always want to know what she is working on, what she has been doing, what her plans, I always want to teach her new things in order for her to become a better person so we raise up as family, whilst she never gave a **** for what I am working in, never praise for my new achievements and so on.

What confuses me is the fact that every time we fight she says that I do the same things that she does and I clearly do not. I’m warn about the irrational nature of women and all those stuff but I just refuse to believe that it can be so intense getting even close to the silliness.

So many times when we fought in the meantime she told about making her suitcases and go back home with our children but she never had courage to do so. She was always in home taking care of children and I shared my working time both in home and out of home. 


I am 24 and she is 23 now.


>>> Going straight to the point…


Since the begin of this year everything seemed to be very fine between us and family. We were all the time long planning to move another house and she was excited about it. Also she engaged strongly to a new job activity which I gave her all support as I always did. Every thing looked better than never. She even started to design our new house and plan all stuffs were going to do therein…

In this meanwhile, she joined to a online game where she keep contact with many virtual friends including males. I never bothered about this since it was not bothering our life so far. But someday I pick her phone and I saw some text messages like “won’t you ever leave me, right?”, so stalked a little bit more and I saw her ingame profile status “In marriage” with that guy. I went right to her and charged explanations. She insisted that was just a matter of ingame advantages she could take for being married and the guy was just kidding. In fact you get a lot more for being married since I tried the game once but I didn’t like enough to keep playing neither I had time to, all this game thing is quite ridiculous I know. Also the such boy is a kid, has only 16 years old. She readily blocked her on the game and uninstalled it because I got extremely upset and shout loud at her.

2 weeks past from the last story, everything seems fine again, she seems to be very regreted.

It’s 2 days left for valentine’s day. She installed the game back, I never bothered since the was so committed to home tasks and hence bored.

Finally valentine’s day has come.

I had no time to prepare big surprises for us, but I had only purchased a new pair or rings. Although it did not arrive in time to the day. 

From this day on, she utterly changed, all of a sudden.

She began to slightly keep her phone from me, listen to different music and neglect our kids and home tasks. She got away from her life. Started to use headphones but she never did before. Spent hours in the bathroom locked door with her phone. Daily duties just came all to me including making up my oldst kid for school. All our plans and dreams seemed to be dead for her. She was all the time away with her phone acting utterly odd.

I expressed no reaction.

Then, someday she came to me and said the needed a time for herself because our homelife was killing her personality. Ok, I did understand her, I keep like 2 weeks carrying out most part of her duties for her to have more free time for herself.

In this meantime she back to talk to an old female friend of her from her homeland. There was nothing special in her at all but the fact this girl is a childhood friend of my wife’s ex-boyfriend (HAHAHAHA).

Ok, nevermind, must mean nothing, just my head trying to trick on me.

She always used to erease her text chats but she had been doing this more often.

Another day, she came to me to show how annoying a ramdom guys was doing. I could see on the corner of the screen a chat of the same former guy. I quickly grab her phone and opened the text I saw a lot emoticons but I ****ing refused to scroll up the rest. She took the phone back and got ruborized. Erease the chat and said again that was nothing and because that guy was froim the same group of her, her common friends pressioned her to unblock him.

Ok.

The pair of rings that I bought arrived and I gave her. Actually after 5 years I had never concerned about it before... But I was pretending to take a step forth with her.

She got so slightly glad for it. I felt that would turn her on again. She said she loved me. I responded back.

Few weeks past I noticed a little imporovement from her behavior.

Despite of the random "I love you" from her, she keeps always trying to find a reason to blame me for something and turn out the discussion in a "why she should go away".

All of a sudden she came to me and said she needed a time far away from me in her homeland. The same land she insisted she had no reasons to come back. Said she did not know whether or not she would back and she gotta take her time to breath and figure our relationship.

AGAIN SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME AND CANNOT IMAGINE HER LIFE WITHOUT ME AT THE SAME TIME SHE DID SAY SHE WILL LEAVE ME WITHOUT SURE OF COMING BACK.

WHAT THE HECK?

She was always very contradictory usually but this is a serious matter. I can't understand.

Everything was always quite simple for me. I am a family guys, I love my kids and I want to raise them up to death. But every ****ing **** is more complicated for her.

Since all this started to happen I avoived to touch her phone but she does not keeps it from me anymore although she still hanging on it the same often.

What makes me break in tears I to think of my oldest son. only 5 years old. All a life I still had to spent beside himn...

All the good moments we had together playing around the street, all the things we used to do.

All the evenings we useed to run holding hands...

He is my reason to live.

I gave my soul for them. I don't even ****ing mind about what the **** of fancy she is gleaming right now in her rotten mind despite I still feel much love for her.

I just want my son. I don't want him to grow up without me.

If it happens to be an affair case or something alike, I'm pretty sure that she won't last too long until come back totally regreted.

Altought I don't think I would be able to stand by her after something like this...

But I think of my son at the same time. He goes so far away from me.

I feel TOTALLY optionless...

Flight tickets are too expensive here in my country (BR) therefore I have no how to keep often visits.

I do not know what to do.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*To help me understand a little better, here's some questions I need to have answered:

(1) What is the country of your married domicile?

(2) What country is she threatening to move to? Is she a citizen or dual-citizen of that nation? *


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *To help me understand a little better, here's some questions I need to have answered:
> 
> (1) What is the country of your married domicile?
> 
> (2) What country is she threatening to move to? Is she a citizen or dual-citizen of that nation? *



1 - Brazil

2 - Another state. The one she is from (2.5k kilometers from mine). We both have same native citizen.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lorenfer_fenix said:


> 1 - Brazil
> 
> 2 - Another state. The one she is from (2.5k kilometers from mine). We both have same native citizen.


*Does Brazil have domestic laws forbidding one parent from taking children across state lines without its concurrence in a marital custody dispute?*


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *Does Brazil have domestic laws forbidding one parent from taking children across state lines without its concurrence in a marital custody dispute?*


Yes it does. But we are not officially married toward the federative state. It was most like a pseudo-wedding relationship, so I'm not aware of how the laws deal about it.

Anyway, to me it is more a matter of who the kids want to stick to. I would not enforce any of them to stay with me against their will even if I had legal rights for such.

I ponder that, at the age of my children they would do rather to go for her...

I would not keep them away from his mother against their will.

But I think of screwing up her life by slight and slow ways so she would lose her ableness of taking care of them hence throwing them back to me.

Please don't judge me for this last sentence.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lorenfer_fenix said:


> Yes it does. But we are not officially married toward the federative state. It was most like a pseudo-wedding relationship, so I'm not aware of how the laws deal about it.
> 
> Anyway, to me it is more a matter of who the kids want to stick to. I would not enforce any of them to stay with me against their will even if I had legal rights for such.
> 
> ...


*Not attempting to judge you in the least!

From all that I can tell, the parting must be somewhat acrimonious. So in that event, you're going to have have to make plans to see them in their new town of domicile just as you should be entertaining them back where you live, provided of course, that your wife is agreeable to that set-up.

How far in "miles" will you be living apart?*


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *Not attempting to judge you in the least!
> 
> From all that I can tell, the parting must be somewhat acrimonious. So in that event, you're going to have have to make plans to see them in their new town of domicile just as you should be entertaining them back where you live, provided of course, that your wife is agreeable to that set-up.
> 
> How far in "miles" will you be living apart?*


1.6 thousands miles.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

lorenfer_fenix said:


> But I think of screwing up her life by slight and slow ways so she would lose her ableness of taking care of them hence throwing them back to me.
> 
> Please don't judge me for this last sentence.


You're stating on a public forum that you intend to hurt and disable your wife in such a manner so she will be unable to care for your children and yet you don't want to be judged.

Alrighty then


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Have those kids DNA tested asap.


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

Trident said:


> lorenfer_fenix said:
> 
> 
> > But I think of screwing up her life by slight and slow ways so she would lose her ableness of taking care of them hence throwing them back to me.
> ...




To think is not crime. Actually it is just a wrong expression coz I am getting judged for anything I say.

What leads me to think that way? She will screw my life for no reason so I do the same for her.


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

Beach123 said:


> Have those kids DNA tested asap.



Why, friend? About my fatherhood I have no doubt. The older looks like me all the way as well as the younger 😕


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Stop thinking about harming her! Good grief. That is not doing you any good whatsoever. Start thinking about how to protect yourself. You should get an attorney immediately.


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## lorenfer_fenix (Jun 26, 2018)

CynthiaDe said:


> Stop thinking about harming her! Good grief. That is not doing you any good whatsoever. Start thinking about how to protect yourself. You should get an attorney immediately.


From my research I am not covered by the law. Also she always been the kind of mother who gives herself away to her kids, that is, kids are naturally more emotionally closer to her although I spent my time to them the same. She go 1.6k miles away from me and my job packing all that I fought for and I am defenseless. You realize how optionless I am but stay and cry? I can't accept to lose my kids. They will surely forget me because of their short age. I will turn like dust of their memories, nothing. I can't take it.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

lorenfer_fenix said:


> I can't accept to lose my kids. They will surely forget me because of their short age. I will turn like dust of their memories, nothing. I can't take it.


You aren't the first dad who lost his kids in a divorce and you won't be the last. 

Life throws curveballs. You adjust, you move on. Lots of guys meet someone new and start another family. When the kids from your first family are grown they'll come looking for you. It won't be as bad as it sounds right now.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Trident said:


> You aren't the first dad who lost his kids in a divorce and you won't be the last.
> 
> Life throws curveballs. You adjust, you move on. Lots of guys meet someone new and start another family. When the kids from your first family are grown they'll come looking for you. It won't be as bad as it sounds right now.


This might be the worst advice I've ever read on TAM.


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