# 1st anniversary vs sibling wedding



## bob_ross (May 11, 2009)

Hey all, I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard spot right now, and was looking for your opinion. My brother and his fiancee have planned their wedding on the same date as my first anniversary. My wife is SUPER mad that they would do this, and I think it's kind of weird, too. My bro and his fiancee picked the day because of cost and for convenience for everyone else in both families. I want to be able to attend the wedding (it's my brother), and I want to be able to celebrate our anniversary. I've suggested to my wife that we could celebrate on a different day, but that is out of the question for her. The way I see it, I'm screwed. Any advice?


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Id miss my siblings wedding if it was me. Your siblings are far away, and they'll get over it. Your wife...dude, you will be with her, in the same house, for the rest of your life (if you're lucky). who would you rather piss off???


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Why can't you do both? Unless your wife already planned an extravagant getaway or your brother planned an all day all night wedding event, there sound be time to celebrate both occasions.

My husband's sister was inconsiderate enough to kill herself on our wedding anniversary. Now we have to live with her death anniversary as the same day as our wedding anniversary.


----------



## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

My opinion...what better way to spend your 1st anniversary than at a wedding? This could be so romantic! Am I the only one who sees it this way?

Sure you may miss out a little on your special day, but I think this could be fun for you and her. You can still celebrate...just leave the wedding a little early and plan a late night activity with your wife for after the wedding. Where is the wedding taking place? Maybe you can do some research and see what kind of romantic activities you can plan....like a moonlight stroll in a park(if its a safe neighborhood) or a carriage ride(if thats an option in the area). If the weedding is out of town and you are spending the night away from home, set it up with the hotel to have a special "honeymoon" type package waiting for you when you return to the hotel after the wedding.

Through out the night, you can remind her of things from your wedding. The "bride and groom" dance, you can relive this..pretend its just the 2 of you on the dance floor, ask the DJ or the band if he can play YOUR wedding song(as long as it isnt the same as the couple that is getting married...if it is, pick a different song that has meaning to the 2 of you). If you saved the top of your wedding cake for your anniversary, bring it with you. You can always take her out to the parking lot and eat your own cake...have a few stolen moments...ya know? Pack it in a cooler, put it in the trunk...you dont even have to tell her you are doing this. Have a bottle of chamapgne in the cooler and 2 glasses too. The 2 of you could make your own private little party for a little while...then go back and rejoin the wedding. You will have created one of those "inside" private moments that you will talk about in years to come. You will ALWAYS remember that wedding, not for the wedding itself, but for how special you can make it for your wife


----------



## JustYakkin (Apr 29, 2009)

I agree with Sprite. However, maybe you could make a toast at the reception stating how happy both you and your wife are that you and the newly wed couple share shuch a special date in common. Maybe if there is a subtle bit of recognizion thats its your wifes special day also it will leason the blow of spending it with others?


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

You're not screwed, just need to be creative...

If the wedding is not in your state or even in your state but in another town...get a room...go to the wedding, do your thing there and then take your wife for a night on the town and a memorable evening in the hotel room.

During the reception pull out a piece of paper with notes that you have handwritten about how special this day is to you and how much you love her...

Use your head...make it a day she won't forget...like it's supposed to be.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

bob_ross said:


> Hey all, I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard spot right now, and was looking for your opinion. My brother and his fiancee have planned their wedding on the same date as my first anniversary. My wife is SUPER mad that they would do this, and I think it's kind of weird, too. My bro and his fiancee picked the day because of cost and for convenience for everyone else in both families. I want to be able to attend the wedding (it's my brother), and I want to be able to celebrate our anniversary. I've suggested to my wife that we could celebrate on a different day, but that is out of the question for her. The way I see it, I'm screwed. Any advice?



She must not like your brother and his finaceee.

I would think the wedding should be gone to and your anniversary could be celebrated a different day. That she is inflexible with this, says to me she has some deeper issues with your brother or his financee than you are aware of.


----------



## Parallax (Dec 10, 2008)

I've been going through this exact situation, except in our case it's my sister and our 10th anniversary. It's honestly caused a lot of strain on our marriage but we're getting through it. The big day is in June and I just want to get it behind us so we can move on with our lives.

The biggest thing I've learned through all of this is that my wife wasn't bothered as much by the fact that both were happening on the same day as by the fact that I automatically jumped to the position of "we have to go to the wedding". We both sort of entrenched ourselves in our positions and things ended up being a lot harder than they might have been.

I don't know how you've approached this so far, but the most important thing you need to do is to make sure that your wife feels like she's the #1 priority, and not taking a backseat to your brother.

Incidentally, we ended up deciding to go. But we're basically going to show up and bolt as soon as we possibly can.


----------



## bob_ross (May 11, 2009)

Thank you all for the advice. I'm not sure if I approached it the wrong way or what, but my wife seems to think that if we go to the wedding I'm picking my brother over her. I really don't see the problem with going to the wedding in the late morning/early afternoon, and then doing something together. Or doing something another day. That's where we don't see eye to eye, though. I'm of the opinion that imitation is the best form of flattery, and think it's kind of cool that my brother and his fiancee would pick the same date as us.

To another who asked about my wife not liking my brother and/or his fiancee - I have not noticed or heard her say or do anything that would indicate that. We all get along pretty well.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I can't beleive this is a issue. this is very immature.

You both should go to the wedding and celebrate your anniversary at the same time.

This is very petty to me, tell your wife to grow up.

that is like me being jealous of my sister who is born the same day as me, except she is 8 years older.


----------



## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

I don't think its petty...in his wife's eyes. She probably feels like she doesn't want to share him with anyone that day and there is nothing wrong with that. I do not think you should celebrate YOUR anniversary on another day....its your first...it only happens once!

Unfortunately this is one of those "must do" events you really should attend. Ask her if you didnt go at all, how bad will she feel about it in say 5 years from now? How upset would she have been if someone from her family didn't attend her wedding because of an anniversary? Try to get her to think of it from someone elses point of view...hopefully she isnt so stubborn that her eyes are closed to the bigger picture.


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, if she is unwilling to compromise and "share" the day...then man up and don't go to the wedding...stay home and treat your wife like a Goddess, cherish this all important day, treat it as such, and send a nice gift to your sibling...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bob_ross said:


> my wife seems to think that if we go to the wedding I'm picking my brother over her. I really don't see the problem with going to the wedding in the late morning/early afternoon, and then doing something together.


if she feels that strongly that you would be picking your brother over her, then i think you two have more problems then you might realize. she's telling you, using the wedding issue, that she doesnt feel very important to you in general, IMO.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I really find this sad, if it were me and my wife, we would go to the wedding and celebrate our anniversary our own special way, and sharing it woth our families would be even more special.

I find this very patty, almost like two kids battling over a toy.


----------



## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> I really find this sad, if it were me and my wife, we would go to the wedding and celebrate our anniversary our own special way, and sharing it woth our families would be even more special.



:iagree:


----------



## Freckles (May 14, 2009)

I don't think your wife is being very fair. You shouldn't have to chose. This isn't a competition on who's more important in your life. Maybe that is how she feels... Maybe she just wants to be your number one and she needs you to prove it to her by chosing. Your brother would be hurt - it's a special day - his special day. Yours is just an anniversary - not to say it's not important - but it's not as important. How would you wife feel if her brother/sister/mother/father didn't come just so they could have dinner with their significant other. I think she is being selfish. As everyone else said.. There is plenty of time for the two of you. You don't have to stay all night. You can plan a romantic night. You can make a toast and acknowledge your special anniversary. But to not go... would mean your family is not important and that will be hurtful and it will be more than your brother mad at you - your whole family will be mad or atleast disappointed and that is not good. Because no matter what - it's family - they love you unconditionally and they will always be there for you - you need to show that you are there for them. Yes your marriage is new - but if you give in now to this... you are setting the stage of how the rest of your marriage will be - putting her before everyone including yourself and your feelings. Marriage is about compromising - but it's also about love - respect and understanding and she isn't acting that way. Reassure her - of how much you love her and how much you will make this day special, but you are not going to chose - it's not fair and it's not right!


----------



## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

I had a new thought about this over the weekend. Does she not like your family? Make sure this is not the start of her taking you completely away from them. 

I know this might sound totally obsurd, but I have seen it happen. I will tell you the story.....A young man I knew fell in love with a woman. This young man was all about family until this woman got him to marry her. He was not the greatest looking, and not the most self confidant, but she was a beauty queen so to speak. She was "cordial" to his family, until after the wedding. After about a year of marriage, this young man no longer talked to his family, no longer attended family functions, and eventually move out of state with his new wife, never to be heard from again. It has been about 12 years and still no one has heard from him, even after several attempts. There is more to the story, but I wanted to make it short. The point is that he was so blinded by her, that he didn't care about anything or anyone else any more.

We thought we knew this woman, although not all of us liked her, we still got along, but no one ever saw that one coming. It goes to show that you might not know someone as well as you thought you did. Find out her true feelings...the go from there!


----------

