# Going through separation while living together



## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

My husband and I have been together 17 years. We have 2 children 13 and 17. We always said we were best friends and soul mates. I have always fully trusted him with everything. A couple weeks before Christmas he tells me that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. That we are like roommates. In the next breath he says that he was seeing someone at the gym he goes to and they were talking about dating but that he didn’t think it would work out with her because she has small children. He also says that he’s really confused and doesn’t know what he wants. He thinks we should separate and see other people and maybe we’ll realize later on that we are miserable without each other. 
I’m completely blindsided, shocked and feel so betrayed by him. We still live together because he won’t move out and I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. Sad. Humiliated. But mostly betrayed.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

He wants to break up he moves out. Tell him you’re not in the market for a roommate and to live with her
If he’s having sex with her you need std test


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

yes i would agree. if your husband feels he needs time to figure out what he wants then he needs to move out but also financially help you with the bills until you divorce and after divorce. maybe there is a chance for reconciliation but being as i get the feeling you are still inlove with him and got blindsided by this without a chance for counseling or nothing , then this is all on him and he gets what he deserves . if i were as hard as it will be to do , help him pack , open the door and wish him good luck on his new journey and do not look back. he needs to leave


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

LisaLee37 said:


> He thinks we should separate and see other people and maybe we’ll realize later on that we are miserable without each other.


You do know what this mean, right? You are Plan B. He will have a go with the other woman and, if it fails, he will come back to you. Kick him out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sorry for this, I truly am.

There is a lot of this going on...
It is catching.

The running for the door, the door to uncertainty.
This escape notion, sees the world coming undone.

The birds suddenly taking flight, just before the Earth does its shake-out.
Now, so many on the move.

What is it, that has us?

I have a notion, I live it.
It has me.



_Are Dee-_


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

He’s telling you he’s going to have an affair while living in the marital home. That is beyond disrespectful. The only way to handle this is to accept it (which obviously you can’t, emotionally. Who could?”) Or call his bluff. Get to a lawyer this week. Show him you’re not weak and passive. He shouldn’t be allowed to leave you in this hell indefinitely while he test drives new women. So sorry he’s doing this to you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He wants to date while he’s married to you so he can see if he can find someone better. If he can’t he’ll stay with you and if he can he’ll leave. Never allow yourself to be someone’s Plan B. File.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Thank you all for your responses. This helps me realize that he is just using me. He’s always been very selfish and a gas lighter. But I ignored it. Stupid I know! But I really love this man. He keeps saying he’s confused. He also won’t go to counseling because he said it would hurt me more. I don’t see how I could hurt more than I so know after what he’s told me. But then I wonder what else he could possibly say that would hurt more. So my mind starts thinking that maybe he thinks I’m not good enough for him. Not fun enough. I don’t know.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

snowbum said:


> He wants to break up he moves out. Tell him you’re not in the market for a roommate and to live with her
> If he’s having sex with her you need std test


We don’t sleep in the same bed and I will not let him tough me.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> He wants to date while he’s married to you so he can see if he can find someone better. If he can’t he’ll stay with you and if he can he’ll leave. Never allow yourself to be someone’s Plan B. File.


I thought the same thing. He says that maybe 6 months or a couple years down the line we might realize we’re supposed to be together. The irrational part of me keeps hoping he’ll change his mind but he’s pretty adamant.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

LisaLee37 said:


> I thought the same thing. He says that maybe 6 months or a couple years down the line we might realize we’re supposed to be together. The irrational part of me keeps hoping he’ll change his mind but he’s pretty adamant.


I hope the rational part of you wakes up quickly. Even if he does decide to come back eventually after he’d had sex with everyone out there, why on earth would you want him. You deserve better — much better. He can only play you if you allow it. Don’t.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Sorry for this, I truly am.
> 
> There is a lot of this going on...
> It is catching.
> ...


Seriously. That's art 🙂 but also so much sad truth in it.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

In Absentia said:


> You do know what this mean, right? You are Plan B. He will have a go with the other woman and, if it fails, he will come back to you. Kick him out.


He tells me that I’m angry and spiteful for wanting him out and that it would destroy the kids if he has to leave. He’s using the kids against me and I don’t really have a way to get him out if he won’t leave.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Teacherwifemom said:


> He’s telling you he’s going to have an affair while living in the marital home. That is beyond disrespectful. The only way to handle this is to accept it (which obviously you can’t, emotionally. Who could?”) Or call his bluff. Get to a lawyer this week. Show him you’re not weak and passive. He shouldn’t be allowed to leave you in this hell indefinitely while he test drives new women. So sorry he’s doing this to you.


I think I completely lost myself in this relationship. I became weak and passive. Did everything he wanted but he never did the same for me. He’s taken me for granted for years. I’d try to talk to him about it but he would say that it wasn’t true. I’m an idiot for still loving him I know


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What is there, really, to love about him?


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

He wants his cake and eat it to. See a lawyer right away so you know what divorce would look like. Stop doing anything for him (cooking, laundry etc). Do you have access to your finances? Do you have your own money? Do you have somewhere to go if you decided to move out? You may be able to move half the money out of a joint account into one that is in your name only. Discuss all your options with a lawyer. You need to position yourself so you can demand that he move out, or you will. He can say anything he wants, but his actions have shown you who he is at his core. What would you tell a friend to do if she was in the same situation?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> He tells me that I’m angry and spiteful for wanting him out and that it would destroy the kids if he has to leave. He’s using the kids against me and I don’t really have a way to get him out if he won’t leave.


Wow, so he is cheating yet YOU are angry and spiteful???
Please get legal advise and make steps to get him out.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> He tells me that I’m angry and spiteful for wanting him out and that it would destroy the kids if he has to leave. He’s using the kids against me and I don’t really have a way to get him out if he won’t leave.


Tell the children the truth of what is going on.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

QuietGuy said:


> He wants his cake and eat it to. See a lawyer right away so you know what divorce would look like. Stop doing anything for him (cooking, laundry etc). Do you have access to your finances? Do you have your own money? Do you have somewhere to go if you decided to move out? You may be able to move half the money out of a joint account into one that is in your name only. Discuss all your options with a lawyer. You need to position yourself so you can demand that he move out, or you will. He can say anything he wants, but his actions have shown you who he is at his core. What would you tell a friend to do if she was in the same situation?


I agree with what you’re saying. He controls all of the finances though. We have separate accounts. I can’t afford to move out since I have been a homemaker for about 7 years now.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> I thought the same thing. He says that maybe 6 months or a couple years down the line we might realize we’re supposed to be together. The irrational part of me keeps hoping he’ll change his mind but he’s pretty adamant.


Are you honestly ok with waiting around while he has affairs in case he may want to come back?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> I agree with what you’re saying. He controls all of the finances though. We have separate accounts. I can’t afford to move out since I have been a homemaker for about 7 years now.


That's why you need legal advise.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Diana7 said:


> Tell the children the truth of what is going on.


The kids already know everything unfortunately. He talked to our 13 year old privately and said that he couldn’t help how he was feeling. So now my son feels bad for his father.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> The kids already know everything unfortunately. He talked to our 13 year old privately and said that he couldn’t help how he was feeling. So now my son feels bad for his father.


He feel bad for him about him cheating?


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Diana7 said:


> He feel bad for him about him cheating?


No. About being stuck in a relationship with me when he isn’t in love with me anymore. But I also find my son being extra clingy to me. It’s so sad.


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## Jay Bee (Jul 5, 2018)

The whole I love you but I'm not in love with you and we're roommates thing is usually something women say. Kind of strange for a man to be saying that.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You’ve received great advice so far. Whatever you do, don’t stay in this marriage out of fear. 😔 I don’t have kids yet so it would be easier for me to leave if my husband said all of this to me, but I’d go to live with my parents or sister. Can you live with family for a while?


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

*Deidre* said:


> You’ve received great advice so far. Whatever you do, don’t stay in this marriage out of fear. 😔 I don’t have kids yet so it would be easier for me to leave if my husband said all of this to me, but I’d go to live with my parents or sister. Can you live with family for a while?


I was advised not to leave the marital home. He can say I abandoned the marriage. I also don’t have much family or anywhere I can go really. That’s why I wish he would leave. It’s so stressful living with him right now. He asks where I’m going and if I don’t tell him he gets angry.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Jay Bee said:


> The whole I love you but I'm not in love with you and we're roommates thing is usually something women say. Kind of strange for a man to be saying that.


 I thought I was the only one who felt that way!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> I was advised not to leave the marital home. He can say I abandoned the marriage. I also don’t have much family or anywhere I can go really. That’s why I wish he would leave. It’s so stressful living with him right now. He asks where I’m going and if I don’t tell him he gets angry.


I hope you can at least find good legal advice. 🙏


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Teacherwifemom said:


> He’s telling you he’s going to have an affair while living in the marital home. That is beyond disrespectful. The only way to handle this is to accept it (which obviously you can’t, emotionally. Who could?”) Or call his bluff. Get to a lawyer this week. Show him you’re not weak and passive. He shouldn’t be allowed to leave you in this hell indefinitely while he test drives new women. So sorry he’s doing this to you.


All of this ^^



Openminded said:


> He wants to date while he’s married to you so he can see if he can find someone better. If he can’t he’ll stay with you and if he can he’ll leave. Never allow yourself to be someone’s Plan B. File.


And this ^^



LisaLee37 said:


> I’m an idiot for still loving him I know


You're not an idiot honey, you were blindsided. You can't just turn your emotions on and off. Doesn't mean you don't take action to protect yourself and the children now though. If you were to stay married to him, THAT would make you an idiot.

Seek legal advice TODAY, and you're right, don't leave the marital home. Grey rock him in the meantime, when he asks where you're going, respond with "out" and leave. He lost the right to ask you anything when he dumped you. It's none of his business.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

When he first told me about wanting to see other women, I told him I would file for divorce and he freaked out. He was saying that I was “burning the house down” by making that move. He reminded me that I don’t have a job or insurance so if we divorced I would lose all medical insurance. So in his opinion I’m better off staying married but separated. Now whenever I bring up going to separation mediation to draw up papers and get him out he gets even angrier. Follows me around yelling that I’m being irrational. That he can’t afford to support 2 households and that I would be hurting the kids by making him leave. I’m mentally and emotionally broken.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> When he first told me about wanting to see other women, I told him I would file for divorce and he freaked out. He was saying that I was “burning the house down” by making that move. He reminded me that I don’t have a job or insurance so if we divorced I would lose all medical insurance. So in his opinion I’m better off staying married but separated. Now whenever I bring up going to separation mediation to draw up papers and get him out he gets even angrier. Follows me around yelling that I’m being irrational. That he can’t afford to support 2 households and that I would be hurting the kids by making him leave. I’m mentally and emotionally broken.


He is a nasty piece of work. It's he who is destroying the marriage. 
Can you begin to look for work?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

LisaLee37 said:


> My husband and I have been together 17 years. We have 2 children 13 and 17. We always said we were best friends and soul mates. I have always fully trusted him with everything. A couple weeks before Christmas he tells me that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. That we are like roommates. In the next breath he says that he was seeing someone at the gym he goes to and they were talking about dating but that he didn’t think it would work out with her because she has small children. He also says that he’s really confused and doesn’t know what he wants. He thinks we should separate and see other people and maybe we’ll realize later on that we are miserable without each other.
> I’m completely blindsided, shocked and feel so betrayed by him. We still live together because he won’t move out and I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. Sad. Humiliated. But mostly betrayed.


He is just stringing you along as plan B in case he can't find someone else. Do you really want to be someone's second or third choice?

Just curious. What has you sex life been like the past couple year and past couple months?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

LisaLee37 said:


> When he first told me about wanting to see other women, I told him I would file for divorce and he freaked out. He was saying that I was “burning the house down” by making that move. He reminded me that I don’t have a job or insurance so if we divorced I would lose all medical insurance. So in his opinion I’m better off staying married but separated. Now whenever I bring up going to separation mediation to draw up papers and get him out he gets even angrier. Follows me around yelling that I’m being irrational. That he can’t afford to support 2 households and that I would be hurting the kids by making him leave. I’m mentally and emotionally broken.


Your "husband" is a piece of work. He is threatening you in to get you stay and be forced into an open marriage. It is as simple as that. He wants an open marriage, but wants his housekeeper and nanny to stick around. He knows if you divorce it will cramp his day dream of living like a single man with no responsibilities. You are better off without this dirt bag.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Diana7 said:


> He is a nasty piece of work. It's he who is destroying the marriage.
> Can you begin to look for work?


He never wanted me to go back to work once I stopped. Thought it was best for me to stay home and take care of him the house the kids. I thought I was safe with him. I’m actively looking but my skills are pretty weak. I’ve applied to go back to school to start a new career.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> He is just stringing you along as plan B in case he can't find someone else. Do you really want to be someone's second or third choice?
> 
> Just curious. What has you sex life been like the past couple year and past couple months?


Hardly any at all. We went away for a couple of days and he initiated sex. It lasted all of 3 minutes and he was some. It left me feeling pretty crappy. I’ve always been a really strong woman but little by little through the years he broke me down to become completely dependent on him. When I finally did, he wants to see other people.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

LisaLee37 said:


> He never wanted me to go back to work once I stopped. Thought it was best for me to stay home and take care of him the house the kids. I thought I was safe with him. I’m actively looking but my skills are pretty weak. I’ve applied to go back to school to start a new career.


I would hope this wasn't some part of a grand plan, but who knows. If he is willing to cheat he could do anything. Remember, you should get spousal support. Your best bet is to get a consultation with a lawyer ASAP.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Live with it or Get rid of it....


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> He never wanted me to go back to work once I stopped. Thought it was best for me to stay home and take care of him the house the kids. I thought I was safe with him. I’m actively looking but my skills are pretty weak. I’ve applied to go back to school to start a new career.


Sounds like he has controlled the direction and dynamic of the entire marriage and is very controlling of you. The only way anything will change for you, is if you start working to change it. I know that he just blindsided you, but you have to shake it off as best you can and start looking out for yourself. He may find someone else, and leave you, and I'd imagine he's consulting attorneys for himself. He can't be trusted, and even if he tells you he's not seeking legal advice, I wouldn't believe him.

It's overwhelming, I'm sure...but if you start making a list of priorities, tasks that will help you take back control of your own life (seeking legal advice, etc), it will start to feel less overwhelming.

And I wouldn't have sex with your husband anymore. He could be having sex with other women now, and you'll be putting your health in possible jeopardy.

To get to where you are now, your husband sounds like he controlled a lot leading up to this point, so it will take time for you to change and become stronger, which he will most likely fight back against. Honestly, you're in an abusive relationship and you really need to start viewing it that way. You say ''I love him'' but...he doesn't love you. Love doesn't look like this...AT ALL. 😓


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

LisaLee37 said:


> When he first told me about wanting to see other women, I told him I would file for divorce and he freaked out. He was saying that I was “burning the house down” by making that move. *He reminded me that I don’t have a job or insurance so if we divorced I would lose all medical insurance*. So in his opinion I’m better off staying married but separated. Now whenever I bring up going to separation mediation to draw up papers and get him out he gets even angrier. Follows me around yelling that I’m being irrational. That he can’t afford to support 2 households and that I would be hurting the kids by making him leave. I’m mentally and emotionally broken.


Stop and take a breath.

If you legally separate/get divorced, the insurance is probably something he would be required to provide for X amount of time, until you have a chance to become employed yourself and have your own. He doesn't want you to get divorced/legally separated because of the red. He knows he'd be required to provide for quite a while, including insurance.

you need to find yourself legal representation so you know what you can expect going forward.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He can’t afford a divorce or a legal separation but he wants to date other women so he wants an informal separation where everything remains the same as it’s always been but he dates — and you probably don’t. He uses anger to keep you in your place while he does as he wishes. He wants your agreement to what is an open marriage — for him and very likely not for you. You’re being played — big time.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Also, if you really want to throw him for a loop, see if any of your gal-pals have a single guy friend who could pick you up and take you out for coffee. It doesn't even need to be a "real" date. You just need someone to pick you up and drop you off.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Sounds like he has controlled the direction and dynamic of the entire marriage and is very controlling of you. The only way anything will change for you, is if you start working to change it. I know that he just blindsided you, but you have to shake it off as best you can and start looking out for yourself. He may find someone else, and leave you, and I'd imagine he's consulting attorneys for himself. He can't be trusted, and even if he tells you he's not seeking legal advice, I wouldn't believe him.
> 
> It's overwhelming, I'm sure...but if you start making a list of priorities, tasks that will help you take back control of your own life (seeking legal advice, etc), it will start to feel less overwhelming.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I agree. He has controlled almost every aspect of my life and I allowed it. I have registered to go to Community College and I have consulted a mediator.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> He can’t afford a divorce or a legal separation but he wants to date other women so he wants an informal separation where everything remains the same as it’s always been but he dates — and you probably don’t. He uses anger to keep you in your place while he does as he wishes. He wants your agreement to what is an open marriage — for him and very likely not for you. You’re being played — big time.


I completely agree. He wants that but I will not be a party to it. The more I tell him I won’t live like that the angrier he gets. He keeps telling me to give it time because I don’t know how I’ll feel in a few months. I already know how I feel and he’s trying to manipulate me into doing things his way. It makes me feel dirty.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> He can’t afford a divorce or a legal separation but he wants to date other women so he wants an informal separation where everything remains the same as it’s always been but he dates — and you probably don’t. He uses anger to keep you in your place while he does as he wishes. He wants your agreement to what is an open marriage — for him and very likely not for you. You’re being played — big time.


I will never agree to an open marriage. He gets really angry when I tell him that. He keeps telling me that I don’t know how I will feel down the line. That’s the manipulation again. He keeps trying to convince me that it makes more sense to continue living together until we are comfortable seeing other people! It boggles my mind. I guess even after 17 years he didn’t really know me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is horrific 

When he mentioned living like roommates, is that true? Were you two passionate all 17 years and this came out of the blue or were there issues for some time?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So in the meantime he’s doing what? Trying to get you to agree to this before he starts dating? Or is he already dating — maybe behind your back? Most men who want sex with other women just cheat but apparently he wants your blessing.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LisaLee37 said:


> Thank you. I agree. He has controlled almost every aspect of my life and I allowed it. I have registered to go to Community College and I have consulted a mediator.


That’s awesome! One day at a time, you’ll make it through.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Zedd said:


> Also, if you really want to throw him for a loop, see if any of your gal-pals have a single guy friend who could pick you up and take you out for coffee. It doesn't even need to be a "real" date. You just need someone to pick you up and drop you off.


Lol!!! Not sure how well that would go. 😬


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> So in the meantime he’s doing what? Trying to get you to agree to this before he starts dating? Or is he already dating — maybe behind your back? Most men who want sex with other women just cheat but apparently he wants your blessing.


It almost seems like he wants me to be happy for him. To support him while he goes through what he thinks may be a midlife crisis? We’ve always considered each other best friends but this is taking it way too far.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> So in the meantime he’s doing what? Trying to get you to agree to this before he starts dating? Or is he already dating — maybe behind your back? Most men who want sex with other women just cheat but apparently he wants your blessing.


It almost seems like he wants me to be happy for him. To support him while he goes through what he thinks may be a midlife crisis? We’ve always considered each other best friends but this is taking it way too far.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> So in the meantime he’s doing what? Trying to get you to agree to this before he starts dating? Or is he already dating — maybe behind your back? Most men who want sex with other women just cheat but apparently he wants your blessing.


He swears that he’s not seeing anyone but I’m not so sure. He works at night so he can easily take time off to go on dates. And yes, it does seem like he wants me to be happy for him.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> This is horrific
> 
> When he mentioned living like roommates, is that true? Were you two passionate all 17 years and this came out of the blue or were there issues for some time?


I thought we were fully in this together. There were lengths of time that we didn’t have sex and when I would bring up that I felt we were becoming disconnected, he assured me it was normal for couples who are married so long. He said we love each other and have a great life and there’s nothing to worry about. Also, he’s never been adventurous when it came to sex and even when we first started dated, he would become almost uncomfortable when it came to sex talk of any kind. 😳


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LisaLee37 said:


> I thought we were fully in this together. There were lengths of time that we didn’t have sex and when I would bring up that I felt we were becoming disconnected, he assured me it was normal for couples who are married so long. He said we love each other and have a great life and there’s nothing to worry about. Also, he’s never been adventurous when it came to sex and even when we first started dated, he would become almost uncomfortable when it came to sex talk of any kind. 😳


That's 17 years of that now 😔

Quite frankly, ILYBNILWY is the end of the relationship, in my opinion. Some can relight the passion but it takes two and he's not on board.


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> This is horrific
> 
> When he mentioned living like roommates, is that true? Were you two passionate all 17 years and this came out of the blue or were there issues for some time?


I thought we were fully in this together. There were lengths of time that we didn’t have sex and when I would bring up that I felt we were becoming disconnected, he assured me it was normal for couples who are married so long. He said we love each other and have a great life and there’s nothing to worry about. Also, he’s never been adventurous when it came to sex and even when we first started dated, he would become almost uncomfortable when it came to sex talk of any kind. 😳


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## LisaLee37 (4 d ago)

Openminded said:


> So in the meantime he’s doing what? Trying to get you to agree to this before he starts dating? Or is he already dating — maybe behind your back? Most men who want sex with other women just cheat but apparently he wants your blessing.


In the meantime he’s still telling me he loves me and asking for hugs. I’ve put a stop to it. This I believe ia to make himself feel better. He wants to move down to the basement and says he will wait until we are both comfortable with seeing other people. I don’t want to live with him like this! Just waiting around until he finally tells me “ so I found someone.” Then what? I’m stuck living in the same house with our children while he moves on with other women. And they would know. Makes me so sad that this is the same person I thought would never, ever hurt me or put me in this situation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LisaLee37 said:


> In the meantime he’s still telling me he loves me and asking for hugs. I’ve put a stop to it. This I believe ia to make himself feel better. He wants to move down to the basement and says he will wait until we are both comfortable with seeing other people. I don’t want to live with him like this! Just waiting around until he finally tells me “ so I found someone.” Then what? I’m stuck living in the same house with our children while he moves on with other women. And they would know. Makes me so sad that this is the same person I thought would never, ever hurt me or put me in this situation.


You are in shock, go easy on yourself. In time, you will need to come to accept that he is no longer the man you love, and wasn't for a while. It is difficult to fathom, it can be a struggle for years.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

LisaLee37 said:


> When he first told me about wanting to see other women, I told him I would file for divorce and he freaked out. He was saying that I was “burning the house down” by making that move. He reminded me that I don’t have a job or insurance so if we divorced I would lose all medical insurance. So in his opinion I’m better off staying married but separated. Now whenever I bring up going to separation mediation to draw up papers and get him out he gets even angrier. Follows me around yelling that I’m being irrational. That he can’t afford to support 2 households and that I would be hurting the kids by making him leave. I’m mentally and emotionally broken.


So he is basically afraid of the financial consequences. He is looking out for himself first (and really only himself). So should you look out for yourself (and kids). 

And good if he gets angry. Leave the house often and do not tell him where you are going. He can wonder. (And get angry).


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’d be shocked if he doesn’t have your replacement already waiting in the wings. If not, obviously he’s eager to start tryouts. Tell him no. Period.


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