# Guys, would you make time?



## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Here's where we are now. I am overseas. H lives in the US. Our son is with me. The most practical way for us to communicate daily is via chat. I go to work early and leave late because I devote an hour or two during work hours to chat with him, catch up on what is going on, to update him on our son. The best time for him to get on is around 1400 my time. At this time, he is not yet sleepy and can chat for an hour and a half. We previously talked about him getting online earlier during his evening because if he gets onlate, all he will tell me is "are you on," "oh, it is getting late, time for bed." We don't really get to talk. I feel that he does not make an effort to make time for us to connect at least via chat. If you guys are in the same situation, would you make time? Or do you think this is just normal and I should not make a big deal out of it. Actions like this make me less secure in our relationship. Thanks for your input. It is all appreciated!


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Could you write letters instead of chatting, and then the two of you wouldn't have to be on at the same time?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'll be curious to see what kind of answers you get.

First of all, I don't really chat much. But, when apart from my wife, I have to admit that I don't really like long phone conversations.

I could definitely see an hour 2-3 times per week, but at some point an hour every day might start to feel like an obligation.

I'm wondering if this could be a bit of a gender issue? Guys - when on the phone - tend to keep things kind of brief and to the point. Also, at least for me, a chat or a phone call doesn't have the same intimacy as a face to face conversation. So, although chatting is important, it may not feel as important to him as it does to you, simply because to him it may feel more impersonal or less real.

Don't feel like I'm finding the right words here. Hope this makes some sense. Regardless of the answers you get here, continue to communicate what you want and need from him. And ask him what he thinks about the chat times and frequency.

Good luck.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

artieb said:


> Could you write letters instead of chatting, and then the two of you wouldn't have to be on at the same time?


Thanks for the suggestion! I used to do that but he never replies to my email. He said, he does not like to write and he is not an email person. What should I do if that is the case?


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> I'm wondering if this could be a bit of a gender issue? Guys - when on the phone - tend to keep things kind of brief and to the point. Also, at least for me, a chat or a phone call doesn't have the same intimacy as a face to face conversation. So, although chatting is important, it may not feel as important to him as it does to you, simply because to him it may feel more impersonal or less real.


Thanks nice! Well, you kind of echoed my H's take on this. I told him that it is important for me that we talk at least for a bit everyday. It gives me the feeling that he is taking the time and effort to make me feel loved/important. He knows that I am still emotional with what went on between us in the past two years and making an effort to somehow reach out to me is critical for me to trust him again (I still have trust issues with him that I am working on).


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## AnonMale (Mar 12, 2010)

If there are trust issues, then he has an obligation to make the time for you. You may want to reduce the amount of time - perhaps an hour and a half to two hours is too much for him, however to give you 30 minutes or so shouldn't be a big deal. The thing is, he was 23 other hours in his day when he doesn't see you and again, if there are trust issues and he'd truly devoted to the marriage, then 30 minutes to an hour doesn't seem like such a big sacrifice to make you feel comfortable.


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