# Just discovered my g/f has been having phone sex/text sex



## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

Wow, here goes, cant believe I am actually writing this, but I need help and advice and an outlet.

I am 44, my g/f is 33, we have been together for nearly 14 years, and from day one she had shown me love and support through my worst misdemeanours (sic) not infedilty related.

Anyhow, last year was a particularly tough year for us, I suffered what I believe was a minor depression, wouldnt relate to her, moody, snappy, not very tactile or affectionate. In late summer she had her coil removed and we were having unprotected sex as such as we decided we wanted to have a baby, more in all honestly more reluctantly, but its what she always wanted. Unfortunately, after being confirmed at the doctors, 2 weeks later she suffered pains and lost the baby, tough times all round. 
Moving forward, my g/f went out of the country at the end of Jan for work in various countries around Asia, and is not due home until Easter weekend (10 weeks in total), great opportunity for her and I encouraged to go, reluctantly, but I wanted to be seen as supporting her.
Now, what brings me here is, 2 weekends ago, as I was looking for advice on missing someone etc and relationship advice, I stumbeld upon this site. Basically I had a bit of an epiphany, and was missing her more than I realised I would (she has travelled before but not for so long, 2-3 weeks at most) and wanted to try and improve things when she returned and show her my behaviour last year was wrong and I am dealing with issues (I have pretty bad trust & insecuritie issues anyway) and to improve our realtionship.
Right, with me so far? I started reading shamwows epic thread, and found the iphone text file information, and knowing that she used this particular laptop to sync etc I decided to take a look. 

I didnt know what to expect, started reading a few texts to friends etc that were all fine, but then like a bolt out of the blue, I started seeing sex chat, ie, I will do this, you do that, and more, you get the idea, but to more than one mobile (cellphone). 
I was horrified, panicking, my heart was in my mouth. I rang her hotel that very night (early hours for her, but at the time I cared not about disturbing her sleep) and demanded she tell me what this was all about, she denied everything, said I must be wrong etc, but then slowly she started telling me, not all, but pieces, but I knew there was more, so I asked her, after 2 very painful days of pleading for the full picture to write in an email to me. I paste it below with edits etc



******,
You wanted an email telling you everything. It's killing me to send this to you but you feel you need it. So here goes.....

I discover I am pregnant and am so excited. EVERYTHING I ever wanted was happening. Ok the way I found out wasn't picture perfect and I see your point about ****** involvement but the result was still the same. (edit......she told my brothers g/f before me at a BBQ who she's only known for 6 months, and then told me in front of everyone else, I wished she had sat me down on her own first) Your reaction to the news was so hurtful. I could have understood if it had been a surprise but it wasn't. You knew we were having unprotected sex and you knew there was a good chance it could happen. Your evident devastation became more than apparent the night you got hammered and rang your children. (edit......I didnt handle the news in the best way and thought my existing kids from a previous marriage would hate me for it, I was drunk) I rang you and you were horrible and abusive. Your kids told me how you were crying down the phone to them stating how sorry you were etc like I had done it on purpose and it wasn't planned. 
After, resentment set in a bit and my attitude was what's the point. You clearly didn't want our baby or me. You constantly spoke to me in a patronising and belittling way which came to a head in ****** (edit.....not proud of this but honesty is needed, I was a **** and treated her with contempt, we were away for a weekend with friends and I had an accident with a glass door) In front of other people. It was so humiliating. I sat in that hospital with you drunk, snoring next to me and blood everywhere. I had hours to think. I looked at you and thought and thought about everything. Something just snapped. It just simmered inside me to the point of boiling. The morning after ****** hospital something snapped inside me. I couldn't take it anymore. 
Then, one day, I read an article I think in the paper about this new app for the iPhone. I decided I wanted to feel normal again. Everytime we argue you called me names (edit....again, not proud of this which is why I wanted to change things and realised I needed to, hence finding this website) and I think a part of this was rediscovering myself and knowing that I am still attractive and people are interested. In my mind our relationship was coming to an end. ***** (he best friend) and I had spoken about our relationships (as you now know) and I had said to her that I thought you and I were all but over. She was stunned. Never in the 13 years I'd been with you had I ever even suggested we were over despite everything and being my best mate she knows pretty much all of it. 
So, with all of the above on my mind and continuing lonely weekends and little or no conversation other than arguments I downloaded the app. 
At first I was surprised at how many men contacted me. Many disappeared as I was not willing to send pictures or meet. A few (maybe up to 8 I think) stayed chatting. 
I enjoyed the chat. One was recently divorced and didn't want a relationship just wanted to know he was still human. I felt similarly to him and at first we talked a lot about our relationships generally and how we were going to progress in the future. Suddenly he went offline and i just assumed he had met someone and never heard from him again. Another was living in ***** but worked in ****** and wanted to meet. Asked me where I worked and I said *****. Far enough away from where I do work but close enough to give an idea. He started making out like we had done things. Telling me how he loved certain sexual things I had done with him. Confusing?!? Slightly. I messaged him on The app and asked what this was all about and did he have my number confused with someone else's? He said he didn't but enjoyed the fantasy and asked if I would play along. I did for a while but it became too weird and I ended by saying I was moving abroad and that my phone was being used by a male gay mate of mine until the contract was up. Game over and never heard from him again. 
One or two asked me to meet. I felt embarrassed to say no as I felt I had been stringing them along as I had no intention of meeting. So I'd go with the plan and at the last minute be working or having to go somewhere to avoid it. 
The picture I sent to two or three (don't ask me who) and I only ever sent that picture. The same weirdo who fantasised about everything had messaged me asking me to act out his fantasy of doing stuff in the loo at work. I was embarrassed but weirdly I guess felt dependant on the attention so I pretended. I spoke outside on the phone and made out I was in a loo with the window open. But I was outside. After all afternoon he banged on about this picture he had of me in the loo. Metaphorically speaking because I would die before sending a picture like that to anyone. 
There were other conversations and sometimes some of them turned me on. I have to admit that. We weren't exactly having great sex at the time - who would with the relationship we were having at the time? So I did once by myself do something alone in the loo at work (nobody knows that) and I wasn't on the phone at the time. I obviously played at home in my bedroom when you were downstairs or out. 
I never met anyone or carried out any of the described fantasies or requests. 
I really really didn't want to send this to you. It makes me feel sick. If I had enjoyed it and it continued to do anything for me it would have continued. But it hasn't. I'm not interested. You and I went through a patch over Xmas and New Year and I suddenly realised what I was doing was degrading, sad and not what I had originally signed up for so I deleted it and messaged those I was still in contact with either the going abroad story or I'd decided to work things out with you and didn't want anymore contact. 
Most had girlfriends or wives and I guess that's why they accepted it. The other probably just moved onto someone else on there when I vanished. 
Above is the truth. 
I'm so very sorry about all of this and it makes me feel sick to my stomach to think that I allowed this to happen. That I allowed myself to behave like that and allowed us to become so far apart I behaved in such a way. 
I'm truly sorry and I honestly did not set out to hurt you, despite doing so. It wasn't about you, it was about me. Me wanting more attention and justifying to myself that I could still be found attractive and if and when I was single I could still have a life. That was all it was about. I promise you that. 
If I could turn back time I would never ever have done it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. 


So, there you have it in full blown black & white, I was later to discover through matching numbers, that some of the texts were from colleagues, one she still works with and the other who left a few months back. She tells me the one who is still at her work was merely him sending her texts and pics and she ignored them and told him she wasnt interested, but I know they spoke about their respective relationships and he asked her if anything could ever happen between them , she tells me she told him no as she did not find him attractive and not her type (and to be honest I could not see any texts from her to him to the contrary, unless that file does not show all of the texts and she is lying?) and she has emailed him at my request and BCC'd me on it to tell him I know about the innapropraite texts and that their relationship from now on is to be purely based on work if at all, and if I were to get an inkling otherwise I would pass this information to his wife as I know his name and address. The other colleague, she said he left the company, and text her about something, xmas party I believe, again he's married, she said he said something flirty on the text and she responded in kind, and it went on from there, she said her mind set at the time was to treat him as a random person just like the others on the phone app. Do I believe that, or do people think it started before that?

We are working on it, and I truly do love her more than I think I have ever done, maybe the time apart is doing that, but I do believe we can work it out, my problem is, do I believe everything she has told me? I believe she did meet people, even if only briefly, in a cafe, bar, etc and it was just talking etc. I have given her the mother of all ultimatums, I threatened to send the text log file, specifically those texts, to her parents, her best friend, her boss and the other guys wife if she would not tell me the whole truth, even making her swear on her grandfathers memory (very strong relationsip they had) and she still insists to this day that she met nobody and nothing physical ever happened. (Was I wrong to do either of these?) Would or could she still be lying despite such a threat of ruining her career and others, and her reputation?

We are moving on better & better each day, and even now she is 10 days late and thinking she may be pregnant again, and this time I couldnt be happier about it, I apologised to her if my behaviour and lack of love & support drove her to do what she did (she said it started mid October and ended late Dec/early Jan this year) She tells me there has been no contact with anyone since, and that all numbers and apps etc have been deleted.

I believe, despite how we feel about each other right now, that we cannot start to repair properly until her return, and that physical contact, tears, looking inot each others eyes for the truth, we skype 2 -3 times a day and talk 2-3 times on the phone, she knows she hurt me, and is aware I need loads of support and reassuring right now, and to be fair she has been doing that (is it guilt or genuine?)

Not sure if this is a question or just an outpouring of feelings that have been bottled up for 2 weeks, do I believe all of the above email and try to move on, but how, if I still have doubts that something is missing, despite the ultimatums, would she really risk all that by still lying?

Sorry for the epic thread opener.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

When she ges back have her take a polygraph because honestly her story sounds just a bit to neat and tidy.

What are the last date she was texting and talking to these guys?

Hate to say it, but are tou sure it's yours? Since your confrontation is after conception, she was still carrying on possibly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hm. 14 years of dating? Were you going to marry this woman? 

That's a long time to date. Maybe she resented you for wasting 14 years of her life. At 33, most women (not all) want to be married and starting a family. At least they want to be married.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> When she ges back have her take a polygraph because honestly her story sounds just a bit to neat and tidy.
> 
> What are the last date she was texting and talking to these guys?
> 
> ...





She tells me it was late Dec early Jan, and I believe her, my gut feeling all through late last year told me something was wrong, and I even caught her outside our house one night on the phone as she came home from work and she quickly put it in her pocket and told me it was her friend, she has since admitted it was one of these guys. Since Early Jan we have been good together and that gut feeling went away, and she told me that she stopped it then as we did have a pretty good xmas and things were improving, and she decided she loved me still and wanted to make it work and felt degraded as per her email to me, her periods are regular as clockwork, she had it in January on time (mid Jan), and there were only a few days between that and her leaving on her trip (not conclusive proof I know but I genuinely believe it had stopped weeks before)


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Hm. 14 years of dating? Were you going to marry this woman?
> 
> That's a long time to date. Maybe she resented you for wasting 14 years of her life. At 33, most women (not all) want to be married and starting a family. At least they want to be married.


We had a date set and venues booked 3 years ago, we had a major car crisis and had to use all our savings on that, which meant the wedding got postponed, just never got round to it again, although we are now talking about doing it on the cheap and quick this year just to make it happen.

Hey I get all that, all she's ever wanted was to be married and have children, and I know her let her down with my lack of enthusiasm and attention.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I can't say it excuses her behaviour, because it doesn't. But she's 33 and she should have left you a while ago. No offense. But...14 years? Godam. After 35, having children becomes more risky and eggs are less viable (this is just biology, even though women do have babies later in life now...it's still risky). And 3 years ago you could have just eloped somewhere for 50 bucks at a courthouse.

I'm not blaming you, no. I'm just really shocked that someone who wants kids and marriage would waste 14 years with someone who isn't wanting those things.

Is she normally passive aggressive?


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, I can't say it excuses her behaviour, because it doesn't. But she's 33 and she should have left you a while ago. No offense. But...14 years? Godam. After 35, having children becomes more risky and eggs are less viable (this is just biology, even though women do have babies later in life now...it's still risky). And 3 years ago you could have just eloped somewhere for 50 bucks at a courthouse.
> 
> I'm not blaming you, no. I'm just really shocked that someone who wants kids and marriage would waste 14 years with someone who isn't wanting those things.
> 
> Is she normally passive aggressive?


Not sure that I know what passive aggressive is?

and it wasnt always me that stopped us, her career, money, work etc


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

MIXEDBAG said:


> Not sure that I know what passive aggressive is?
> 
> and it wasnt always me that stopped us, her career, money, work etc


If people want to get married, they figure it out. Especially after 10 years (i'll give you 4 years for dating).. My wedding cost a little over 1,000 bucks. That was including everything. Small wedding, small luncheon...perfect. Our cash gifts paid for the whole thing!  It was planned in 2 months (after 1.5 years of dating and living together).


Passive Aggressive Behaviour


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> If people want to get married, they figure it out. Especially after 10 years (i'll give you 4 years for dating).. My wedding cost a little over 1,000 bucks. That was including everything. Small wedding, small luncheon...perfect. Our cash gifts paid for the whole thing!  It was planned in 2 months (after 1.5 years of dating and living together).
> 
> 
> Passive Aggressive Behaviour


Thats me told then


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

MIXEDBAG said:


> her periods are regular as clockwork, she had it in January on time (mid Jan), and there were only a few days between that and her leaving on her trip


 You said this in trying to explain why the baby is yours, when actually you could have said the same thing if you were telling us why you believe that it may not be yours. You need to have DNA testing done.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

TRy said:


> You said this in trying to explain why the baby is yours, when actually you could have said the same thing if you were telling us why you believe that it may not be yours. You need to have DNA testing done.



Sorry, should have explained, her period finished on the 17th she then flew out of the country on the 24th.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When did she get home? Conception would happen roughly 2 weeks after the first day of her period.

I ovulate on cycle day 19 and my period starts on day 33. I don't know the length of her cycles, but...average is 28-35 days. Ovulation occurs 14 days before her next period.

Were you having sex a week and a half to two weeks after her period stopped?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

MIXEDBAG said:


> Sorry, should have explained, her period finished at the weekend (Saturday), she then flew out of the country on the Monday, we were not apart in that period until she left for the airport.


 I understood what you said the first time. What I was saying is that since you were only with her for a few days after her last period, she could have gotten pregnant after she left for the trip rather than before the trip with you. Mathematically, there were many more potential days that she could have gotten pregnant after she left for the trip then before. Based on this and the emails. You need to DNA test. 

You also need to confirm the details of her trip. Did she stop over anywhere near the men that she was sex texting?


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> When did she get home? Conception would happen roughly 2 weeks after the first day of her period.
> 
> I ovulate on cycle day 19 and my period starts on day 33. I don't know the length of her cycles, but...average is 28-35 days. Ovulation occurs 14 days before her next period.
> 
> Were you having sex a week and a half to two weeks after her period stopped?


she's not home, still away, her periods are 28 days like clockwork, she started on the 17th Jan, finished on the 20th/21st Jan, and then flew out on 24th, we had sex 2-3 times after period stopped and before she left. She was due 14th Feb, still no period as of today (just literally spoken to her on skype and asked her) she has done two pharmacy purchased tests whilst out there, both negative, so it could even be the stress of recent developments and discoveries, extensive travel, diet change etc, as I have read elsewhere these can play a part in a late period????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

There really is no way the baby could be his if he was only with her a couple days after her period. She wouldn't have ovulated yet and her vagina would be too acidic to support sperm to live inside for days (sperm can survive, in good conditions in the vagina, for up to 5 days or so). 

DNA test.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stress can surely delay a period. I have missed ONE period in my life and it was during a horrible time.

However I missed no periods when Hubs left and I was miserable...so...I don't know.

Sometimes bodies are wonky and just don't ovulate for whatever reason. She's 33, she's biologically no spring chicken. Our bodies get quirky. Maybe she ovulated later than she usually does, or not at all.

A test would be positive by now if she was pregnant.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

TRy said:


> I understood what you said the first time. What I was saying is that since you were only with her for a few days after her last period, she could have gotten pregnant after she left for the trip rather than before the trip with you. Mathematically, there were many more potential days that she could have gotten pregnant after she left for the trip then before. Based on this and the emails. You need to DNA test.
> 
> You also need to confirm the details of her trip. Did she stop over anywhere near the men that she was sex texting?


No, her father drove her to the airport a couple of hours after I left for work that day, so no chance of stopping anywhere, technically speaking someone could have visited, but she is so disorganised she still had an hours worth of packing to do to be ready when I left home, still possible I agree, but unlikely.

Yes, she could have had sex since being away, but there is no way to prove that, and none of the colleagues she is with (2-3, at most, in larger offices 4-5 ) were involved in the texts and some are women, in fact, 2 of them are gay. OK, your next question will be, picked up a guy in a bar? completely plausible I suppose.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well your wife was all over the place literally with the sex chats with both strangers and coworkers, so it's certainly in the realm of possibility


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well your wife was all over the place literally with the sex chats with both strangers and coworkers, so it's certainly in the realm of possibility


They aren't married. Just together for 14 years.

I don't think she's pregnant. She's 11 days late but has negative tests. I'd say not pregnant...just skipped a cycle. Or it's late.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It looks to me like with what you put her through when she got pregnant pretty much cancels out her texting/chating.

When a woman is pregnant and gets the treatment you dished up I'm surprised she stuck with you at all.

Count your lucky stars. As always trust but verify. I'm guessing you won't take each other for granted again.

Best of luck and get a ring on her finger.


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

chapparal said:


> It looks to me like with what you put her through when she got pregnant pretty much cancels out her texting/chating.
> 
> When a woman is pregnant and gets the treatment you dished up I'm surprised she stuck with you at all.
> 
> ...


Quite a point here. Try to do your best not to loose her.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

gpa said:


> Quite a point here. Try to do your best not to loose her.


I was an ingorant ****, I didnt handle it well, not proud of my behaviour

We both want to stay together, in truth she has been amazingly supportive and apologetic, keeps saying sorry for hurting me, she regrets ever doing it and can see how it would hurt me regardless of how emotionally detached she says she was from it and it meant nothing etc. She says she loves me and was "terrified" that I would leave, and I have even told her if my attitude pushed her into this (rightly or wrongly) then I apologise for making her feel she couldnt get that wanted feeling other than via this very sleazy iphone app and consequent phone calls, so I kind of see this as pennance for my stupidity, and maybe as chapparal says, cancels out my behaviour? We have even said that in a perverse way, that despite the current hurt this maybe the best thing that has happened to us and we have both woken up to what we need to do. And even if she isnt pregnant, we will be trying when gets home, marriage (finally) has been talked about as well.

My real question is, do I leave it now and move forward, or press for more answers because I believe more happened than she is letting on, and then risk ripping us apart for good, we do love each other but both of us have made mistakes.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

MIXEDBAG said:


> I was an ingorant ****, I didnt handle it well, not proud of my behaviour
> 
> We both want to stay together, in truth she has been amazingly supportive and apologetic, keeps saying sorry for hurting me, she regrets ever doing it and can see how it would hurt me regardless of how emotionally detached she says she was from it and it meant nothing etc. She says she loves me and was "terrified" that I would leave, and I have even told her if my attitude pushed her into this (rightly or wrongly) then I apologise for making her feel she couldnt get that wanted feeling other than via this very sleazy iphone app and consequent phone calls, so I kind of see this as pennance for my stupidity, and maybe as chapparal says, cancels out my behaviour? We have even said that in a perverse way, that despite the current hurt this maybe the best thing that has happened to us and we have both woken up to what we need to do. And even if she isnt pregnant, we will be trying when gets home, marriage (finally) has been talked about as well.
> 
> My real question is, do I leave it now and move forward, or press for more answers because I believe more happened than she is letting on, and then risk ripping us apart for good, we do love each other but both of us have made mistakes.


 You would be insane to marry or have children with her right now. You are foolish to want to rug sweep and move on. Years from now you will regret this, but by then you will have children and it will be messy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

TRy said:


> You would be insane to marry or have children with her right now. You are foolish to want to rug sweep and move on. Years from now you will regret this, but by then you will have children and it will be messy.


Yea, don't rug sweep.

Personally, I think the relationship has been played out.

It happened to a few of my friends. they dated forever! and it just kinda fizzled.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

TRy said:


> You would be insane to marry or have children with her right now. You are foolish to want to rug sweep and move on. Years from now you will regret this, but by then you will have children and it will be messy.


So, you are saying I should press for more answers if my gut instinct says there is more?

I have given her that option, and said to her please dont have any regrets in years to come, ie, dont live a lie, you have nothing to lose now by telling me the whole truth, however painful you think it is for me. So even after the ultimatum I gave her about telling her parents, boss, colleagues, friends and creating a **** storm in other peoples lives involved if she wasnt completely honest, she still insisted nothing other than has told me happened, could she still be bluffing, and for what reason considering what she had to lose (career and credibility) by me going public with it?


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Not saying she didn't go physical w anybody, but I'd bet she would've told her friend about it (the one she was confiding in), they prob would've texted about it). Man you're in a bind. She's asually texting strangers and coworkers, either way she's disrespecting you bigtime. Sure, you've made plenty of mistakes in how you treated her...but if she can go there with many many multiples of other men, it will probably happen again when things get rough again. Especially with her traveling so much. Accountability is basically nil. Rough one.

Do not have a child with her. If she's pregnant you may be stuck (if it's indeed yours), but I'd call this one. Just my two cents, good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

MIXEDBAG said:


> ..... So even after the ultimatum I gave her about telling her parents, boss, colleagues, friends and creating a **** storm in other peoples lives involved if she wasnt completely honest, she still insisted nothing other than has told me happened, could she still be bluffing, and for what reason considering what she had to lose (career and credibility) by me going public with it?


Your words. Do he maths.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you can find proof of something you can do whatever. From what I've read you have nothing to go on but doubt. You may simply may not be able to live with her. But if she did not do anything else there is nothing she can do to prove it.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

Shamwow said:


> Not saying she didn't go physical w anybody, but I'd bet she would've told her friend about it (the one she was confiding in), they prob would've texted about it). Man you're in a bind. She's asually texting strangers and coworkers, either way she's disrespecting you bigtime. Sure, you've made plenty of mistakes in how you treated her...but if she can go there with many many multiples of other men, it will probably happen again when things get rough again. Especially with her traveling so much. Accountability is basically nil. Rough one.
> 
> Do not have a child with her. If she's pregnant you may be stuck (if it's indeed yours), but I'd call this one. Just my two cents, good luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shamwow, your a legend, just this minute finished reading all 185 pages.

I believe her when she says it all finished and deleted the app and told all concerned no more, she was and is truly disgusted with herself, never in 14 years did I have reason to doubt her and this was totally out of character for her, her nature is sweet, caring and very loving, but I had a hunch during this period something was going on, but I did not see any texts to her friend admitting or alluding to a PA, in fact in one of her texts to her friend during this period she thought it was over and was planning on finishing it with me she said "he still thinks I am effing someone and its driving me mad" ie, yes I know what I am doing is wrong but I am not in a PA


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

chapparal said:


> If you can find proof of something you can do whatever. From what I've read you have nothing to go on but doubt. You may simply may not be able to live with her. But if she did not do anything else there is nothing she can do to prove it.


She has said that herself, she knows I have doubts but she knows she cannot prove it otherwise either, thats why I am hoping that the ultimatum given really proves she is not withholding anything, she had to much to lose and nothing to gain from lying.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

gpa said:


> Your words. Do he maths.


explain please?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

MIXEDBAG said:


> So, you are saying I should press for more answers if my gut instinct says there is more?


 Yes that is what I am saying. 

Also, look at what your girlfriend wrote in her letter supposedly explaining everything to you. She said “He started making out like we had done things. Telling me how he loved certain sexual things I had done with him. Confusing?!? Slightly. I messaged him on The app and asked what this was all about and did he have my number confused with someone else's? He said he didn't but enjoyed the fantasy and asked if I would play along. I did for a while”. She knows that all you have on her is in writing. With this farfetched explanation she has given herself a get out of jail free card if you find any texts talking about her meeting and having sex with anyone. Since she said that she messaged him on the deleted app, she even explains away why you would not see him telling her that it is all just a fantasy. Even though she is a proven liar and a cheat, you appear to have bought into this; as long as this is held to be true by you, it becomes impossible to prove that she took it physical because she can say it was just fantasy.



MIXEDBAG said:


> I have given her that option, and said to her please dont have any regrets in years to come, ie, dont live a lie, you have nothing to lose now by telling me the whole truth, however painful you think it is for me. So even after the ultimatum I gave her about telling her parents, boss, colleagues, friends and creating a **** storm in other peoples lives involved if she wasnt completely honest, she still insisted nothing other than has told me happened, could she still be bluffing, and for what reason considering what she had to lose (career and credibility) by me going public with it?


 Your ultimatum actual would scare her from telling you the truth. Why would she tell you more info when she now knows of your willingness to go nuke on her?

Let us say that she admits that she took it physical with fantasy man, how would you really react? Let us say that she admits to you that the reason that the math does not add up about her current possible pregnancy is because she had sex after she left town and the baby is not yours, would you really forgive and forget? She is not willing to find out especially now that you told her the possibility of you going full nuke.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Totally agree with TRy. When I was reading the email she sent you I kept thinking how she seems to have covered all her bases because she knows you read the texts and there was explicit stuff in there...she needed to come up with something that tied it all up.

After I dropped some of my XW's sexts on her and walked out, she looked them over and after a few days texted something like "Not that it matters, but nothing ever ended up happening. It was all just a bad fantasy." Because she was banking that what I showed her was all I had.

Your gf has tied up her loose ends very well.

Don't press her anymore while she's out of town, but certainly scour that pc to see if there's anything else you may have missed. And put a VAR in the bedroom or her car before she gets back...you may not ever get the truth, especially if she is actually remorseful, but these things will ensure your sanity if nothing comes up from here on out.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> After I dropped some of my XW's sexts on her and walked out, she looked them over and after a few days texted something like* "Not that it matters, but nothing ever ended up happening. It was all just a bad fantasy." *Because she was banking that what I showed her was all I had.


I don't know why, but these were the words that stuck with me forever (I remember them even now) after reading your thread .


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

MIXEDBAG said:


> explain please?


You came yourself to a logical conclusion with your previous quoting. What else do you need to understand that she is telling y the truth. And this based in loigcal analysis and not to any emotional factors.


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## MIXEDBAG (Feb 25, 2012)

gpa said:


> You came yourself to a logical conclusion with your previous quoting. What else do you need to understand that she is telling y the truth. And this based in loigcal analysis and not to any emotional factors.


So you in my position would believe her?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Me in your position would LEAVE HER.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Can you pull the password on home computor?? or keylogg
as a minimum


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

MIXEDBAG said:


> So you in my position would believe her?



No
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

MIXEDBAG said:


> So you in my position would believe her?


I am not in your position thus i am not able to give y a straight answer as a lot of other facts and emotional factors known only to y shoull also be calculated. But considering her age, reaction, previous behavior, your attitude against her pregnancy and also the way she reacted with this kind of cheating, this is the way i see the whole situation. 
Furthermore y may take a close loke at your inner gut in the case y r trying actually to find an excuss to go out yourself from this affair.


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