# forcing me to give him oral :is it bad ?



## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

Hey there, I have a very limited sexual experience (still a virgin) so this is why I am asking you this . A friend of mine and I like each other . I know him for six months now . Lives in the same building.


We started making out after I was drunk . We made out a second time wasn't the best. He was saying let's have sex and I told him I was not ready so he kept saying what is wrong with me all the time . He also said lets have sex at least once !!!!!! ( I thought we were heading to a relationship here?) The third time we made out he grabbed my head to his penis and I was saying no no no but he continued till my lips touched his penis and my eyes were closed . He stopped . I didn't want to overreact so we continued making out .


Now my question for you how bad what he did is . I am not ready to give oral so early .


We had a fight over another issue and he stopped talking to me ..maybe for the best


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Never give in until you feel that you are totally ready! You know your emotional mindset so much more than he can ever begin to estimate, Dear! Stand your ground!

You'll know when and where you're ready, and who you love and respect enough to do it with you! And the same goes for them!

Always remember: "To thine own self be true!"

It greatly appears that he is so much more in tune with "his hard," rather than "your heart!" Ditch him!

He doesn't respect you now; and it's rather doubtful that he ever will!*


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You got a mouth full of teeth? You should have used them and taught him a lesson that you can't force someone to perform sex with you. It's called rape in a lot of cases. You shoud have bit him and taught his ignorant ass a lesson then called the cops.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Quote: "The third time we made out he grabbed my head to his penis and I was saying no no no but he continued till my lips touched his penis and my eyes were closed ." 


This is awful! Never be with a man who doesn't respect you. 

1. Asking what is wrong with you= trying to shame you= coercion
2. Grabbing your head= Physical coercion
3. Silent treatment

Three strikes he should definitely be out.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Move on away from him


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

He forced you? That's sexual assault.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

How old are you? Not that it matters. You would well advised to steer clear of this loser. I think once he gets what he wants he will move on to the next. I would consider what he done as rape or damn near close to it.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Oral sex is a gift given, not taken or forced! It is a beautiful expression of love for your spouse. When you are ready you will know it. He sounds immature ...move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Run for the hills, OP. If this man can't respect your wishes and values at this stage, he never will.

And by the way - oral sex IS sex. In fact, for me, it is something even more special. It is a gift (not a right, as your BF seems to think) of absolute love, acceptance and trust.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

What he did was absolutely wrong. This man sounds abusive.

Asking what's wrong with you because you didn't want to sleep with him is shaming and coercion as Giro flee put it. He was trying to make you feel guilty and doubt your own feelings. Not wanting to have sex yet is perfectly fine and he should respect that. If he can't respect that or is impatient then he can find someone else who wants what he wants. Nobody should bully you into sleeping with them. 

Forcing your head down and putting his penis to your lips without your consent is sexual assault. That is not okay. It's a crime. You could have called the cops and had him charged on the spot.

Just because you kiss someone doesn't imply a green light to go and have sex - oral or otherwise - ESPECIALLY when one person says "No". No means no. 

Cutting off contact with you may also be manipulative.

I say run for the hills. It is for the best that you lost contact with him. This guy is bad news.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> What he did was absolutely wrong. This man sounds abusive.
> 
> Asking what's wrong with you because you didn't want to sleep with him is shaming and coercion as Giro flee put it. He was trying to make you feel guilty and doubt your own feelings. Not wanting to have sex yet is perfectly fine and he should respect that. If he can't respect that or is impatient then he can find someone else who wants what he wants. Nobody should bully you into sleeping with them.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

When I was younger, I was with a very controlling older man. He took advantage of how naive I was and how little I thought of myself. 

I never found him attractive but I wanted to get away from my parents, so I stayed with him despite feeling bullied into sex all the time.

I would say no and try to push him off me, but he just kept going. He would also call me names and ask if I wanted to be with him whenever I said no. 

Years later, I confronted him about the rapes. He tried to deny it and say that I overreacted because of my sexual abuse history. Eventually I said: "I am not amplifying ANYTHING. You heard me say no and you kept going. That makes you a RAPIST. Only a pig can enjoy sex when the woman doesn't want it." This made him angry but he did apologize. The confrontation was cathartic.

Run away from this jerk and never look back. He is an animal.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What this guy did to you was assault. I would've bitten the b astard. Hard.

There is NOTHING wrong with you not being ready to have sex. Especially oral sex. In my opinion oral sex is far more intimate that intercourse, and I myself couldn't do it with my husband until we'd made love several times and I felt closer to him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude and I can't get enough of my gorgeous husband - from head to toe  But something about oral sex is so incredibly intimate and beautiful, that it took time for me to be able to share that with him.

Don't ever speak to or see this joke of man again, next him. You deserve better sweetie.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

What he did was wrong. You would be very wise to avoid ever being along with him again, and certainly not drinking while with him.

He sounds like a guy who I met one day and my inconsiderate flatmate left him at our house and took off. I told him I'd call a cab for him, which I did. While waiting, he asked me to have sex with him, insisted I should just relax and 'go with the flow', and 'why not, it'll be fun' sort of stuff. Guys will try this crap with women, hoping one will fall for it so they can get a load off. You may as well be a blow up doll for all he cares. When one tries this on you, it's a sure sign that he's not worth your time. As for the guy I mentioned, I told him I was quite happy NOT having sex with him, that he had nothing that I wanted, kicked him out and never saw him again.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Agree with the others, what he did was wrong. You need to accept, however, that if you continue to hang around him he will view that as your acceptance of his treatment of you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jane1213 said:


> Hey there, I have a very limited sexual experience (still a virgin) so this is why I am asking you this . A friend of mine and I like each other . I know him for six months now . Lives in the same building.
> 
> 
> We started making out after I was drunk . We made out a second time wasn't the best. He was saying let's have sex and I told him I was not ready so he kept saying what is wrong with me all the time . He also said lets have sex at least once !!!!!! ( I thought we were heading to a relationship here?) The third time we made out he grabbed my head to his penis and I was saying no no no but he continued till my lips touched his penis and my eyes were closed . He stopped . I didn't want to overreact so we continued making out .
> ...


Hi Jane,

This man is NOT your friend.
Please get rid of him,
PERMANENTLY!

You sound a bit inexperienced . Be very careful when selecting a male whom you might want to explore sex with.
Sex can be fun , but one horrible experience would permanently alter you views about men in a bad way. 
You don't want to spend the rest of your life reliving trauma , and having deep psychosexual issues and bitter regrets.
This guy is acting like a rapist.

There are much better men out there , just be very selective and soon you would meet the right person , whom you would be more than willing to give _everything_ to.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

jane1213 said:


> Hey there, I have a very limited sexual experience (still a virgin) so this is why I am asking you this . A friend of mine and I like each other . I know him for six months now . Lives in the same building.
> 
> 
> We started making out after I was drunk . We made out a second time wasn't the best. He was saying let's have sex and I told him I was not ready so he kept saying what is wrong with me all the time . He also said lets have sex at least once !!!!!! ( I thought we were heading to a relationship here?) The third time we made out he grabbed my head to his penis and I was saying no no no but he continued till my lips touched his penis and my eyes were closed . He stopped . I didn't want to overreact so we continued making out .
> ...



You are looking for that right guy to get into a serious relationship, married, and then all that crazy sex, right?

You are not going to give it away to some boyfriend that the relationship doesn't go anywhere, correct?

Good for you.


Tell this guy, unless he is the one you are going to marry, no way he is getting the goods.


A forced BJ? Not cool on his part. You should want to give him a BJ but if you don't, and he wants one, he has no right to force himself in your mouth. No right.

Would he like it if you wore a strap on and forced him to have anal sex, just once????

No.

He is using you for sex and not much else. If you start giving him BJ's only because he wants them and then even lose your virginity and then this guy decides, don't want to get married and moves on, all a waste, right?

You will know when you meet that guy, who wants you, not to use you, and get serious and married. You will know.


I have never used a woman and almost against her will for sex. Never. I could never do it, its wrong and not in me. The first time my wifee to be gave me a BJ, I let her have control of the entire BJ, she was relaxed, and when I was close to orgasm in her mouth, I asked her, want me to pull out? She said no, in my mouth and always swallows from that point and she has got really good at BJ's. If I would of forced her to give me a BJ, I doubt she would of enjoyed or wanted them.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

This guy sound like a grade A a$$ hole who lack knowing what respect means.. Frankly if this is how he treats you then need to consider moving on and finding somebody else. There are plenty of good guys out there that know how to treat a woman with respect consider finding one.


PS Next time your together and this start up again ask him if he ever seen the movie "Teeth" that will kill Libido.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> When I was younger, I was with a very controlling older man. He took advantage of how naive I was and how little I thought of myself.
> 
> I never found him attractive but I wanted to get away from my parents, so I stayed with him despite feeling bullied into sex all the time.
> 
> I would say no and try to push him off me, but he just kept going. He would also call me names and ask if I wanted to be with him whenever I said no.


So you were using him for a place to stay, and he was using you for sex. From the limited information you gave us here, I can't see you as only the victim here.

And you continued to live with him, despite the fact he was raping you. I'm not excusing his behavior, but you don't see how that sends a huge mixed message to him?? This is relevant here because the OP was doing the same thing by continuing to see this guy.


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