# the kids are happy..



## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

Its been 10 days since I left. I have gone back to the house everyday to make sure the animals are fed because he wont do it. All he does is come in from work sit on the couch and play on his phone till he goes to bed. I even had to clean up when I went the other day cause it was so gross. 
He hasnt called the kids not one time since we have left. and the only reason he has seen them is because I have been there feeding the animals when he got home from work. He did text me and ask me to wash his clothes for him though. They are so much happier here, they dont ask about him, and they have only said they missed their beds once or twice. I just think its pathetic that he has no contact with them. It makes me angry but I dont want to say anything to him cause then he will only be contacting them because I said something.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

cnw1005 said:


> He did text me and ask me to wash his clothes for him though


Umm... no. Wtf. You are done, you don't go over and wash his clothes or clean the house. Can you get the pets out of there?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Just care for the animals. Don't do his housework.


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## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

bobert said:


> Umm... no. Wtf. You are done, you don't go over and wash his clothes or clean the house. Can you get the pets out of there?


I can bring my Axolotl and possibly my cat but I wouldnt be able to bring my dog.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

cnw1005 said:


> I can bring my Axolotl and possibly my cat but I wouldnt be able to bring my dog.


Is there anyone else who could look after the dog?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's a bit concerning that the dog is left there all the time with a man who clearly doesn't care about it. Who takes it for walks? Who gives it attention? Have you a family member or friend who can have it till you can?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Those are all excuses and the fact that you cleaned the house and his clothes is ridiculous.


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## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> Those are all excuses and the fact that you cleaned the house and his clothes is ridiculous.


what are excuses? 
I know its ridiculous. But I start to feel guilty, I feel like im supposed to and if I dont he gets angry with me.


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## cnw1005 (Mar 29, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> It's a bit concerning that the dog is left there all the time with a man who clearly doesn't care about it. Who takes it for walks? Who gives it attention? Have you a family member or friend who can have it till you can?


He lets him out, but idk why he just doesnt pay attention to the water and food. I do have a friend that could go take care of it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

cnw1005 said:


> what are excuses?
> I know its ridiculous. But I start to feel guilty, I feel like im supposed to and if I dont he gets angry with me.


It’s all just a control game. Your separate... be separated. Detachment is hard but it’s the first step. Not Being affected by what he does / doesn’t do needs to be the first part of healing .... get over it. The caring will only kill you.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

cnw1005 said:


> what are excuses?
> I know its ridiculous. But I start to feel guilty, I feel like im supposed to and if I dont he gets angry with me.


He got along perfectly fine when you were separated before, he even hired a cleaning lady, right? It honestly sounds like you are trying to maintain the connection.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

cnw1005 said:


> what are excuses?
> I know its ridiculous. But I start to feel guilty, I feel like im supposed to and *if I dont he gets angry with me.*


See the bolded: THIS IS WHY YOU LEFT! You don't want to deal with his s***t anymore! Are you kidding me? You left with the kids and you come back everyday to take care of his arse and you're afraid he would be angry with you? You put him in an ideal situation where you assume all the responsibilities and he lives in peace, AND you go daily to the house to clean and feed the pets. He would be happy to stay like this all his life. What are you getting from this separation? More work and more responsibilities AND you are still afraid to make him angry! Why? 

I think it is time for you to start detaching. Just tell yourself that you deserve a dignified and peaceful life away from this man. You are NOT his mom. Even a mother would not do this work for a grown man. You are a woman and a mother who has physical and emotional needs and he has not fulfilled your needs. He wants to take but he has nothing to give. You're done with him. 

Now that you live in a separate house and your kids feel at peace without the angry irresponsible dad around, start a new routine and a new life for you guys without him in the picture. Go to the house when he is there, feed the pets, take the ones you can, and leave him those you can't take, and tell him calmly: This is the last time I can feed the dog. You need to do you by yourself from now on. And leave. That's it. Make sure you take all the stuff you need for you and the kids so you don't have to come back again. 

You are doing separation the wrong way. You are punishing yourself and pampering him. Why would he want to change things? He is a grown man and he is supposed to take care of himself and of his house.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Rehome the dog! Damn…poor dog  


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

coquille said:


> See the bolded: THIS IS WHY YOU LEFT! You don't want to deal with his s***t anymore! Are you kidding me? You left with the kids and you come back everyday to take care of his arse and you're afraid he would be angry with you? You put him in an ideal situation where you assume all the responsibilities and he lives in peace, AND you go daily to the house to clean and feed the pets. He would be happy to stay like this all his life. What are you getting from this separation? More work and more responsibilities AND you are still afraid to make him angry! Why?
> 
> I think it is time for you to start detaching. Just tell yourself that you deserve a dignified and peaceful life away from this man. You are NOT his mom. Even a mother would not do this work for a grown man. You are a woman and a mother who has physical and emotional needs and he has not fulfilled your needs. He wants to take but he has nothing to give. You're done with him.
> 
> ...


Wouldn't do that, the poor dog may starve to death. Plus dogs need company and walks. 
Op please get all your pets out of there and stop going back.


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