# Husband caught cheating, need help!



## Butterfly_2010 (Jun 1, 2010)

My husband of eight years was caught cheating in Sept of 09. He said it was a two month affair that took place primarily because he needed emotional support and was not getting his needs met at home with me. He met her several times, had sex once and oral sex once. He told me all the details at my request. I wanted to know everything. I caught him by looking at home phone bills. The other woman admitted the affair to me over the phone. He left the home after I found out for about a week and later he moved back in. We have gone to counseling since than. Lately we have not gone for over a month. We both started to go to church in Oct of 09 and we renewed our vows in front of both our children in Jan of 10. He is a better husband! He treats me better than he ever has, our relationship is better! I still cannot forget and forgive. What do I do?


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## Quads123 (May 27, 2010)

Well not sure what to tell you. You both made changes now you want out? Sure there isn't something more going on with you?


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

I don't know if you will ever be able to forget that this happened, but you will eventually be able to forgive. Just because you want to forgive him does not mean you have to forget what happened. 

I once read in a book that an affair was like a crack in a vase and when you reconcile your marriage it is like applying super glue to that crack. You will always see the crack there and know what happened, but your marriage will be stronger because of the super glue.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Quads123 said:


> Well not sure what to tell you. You both made changes now you want out? Sure there isn't something more going on with you?


Wow! So now its her fault?? Not sure if you found the right forum. I think this person was looking for support.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

You can never forget, and the fact that you caught him rather than him ending it and coming to you is also significant. It does take time, but I believe if you are willing to forgive then you can but it does happen in stages. I'm not all the way there yet. Its just not a black and white issue. Because the ramifications of the affair are still happening, so its hard to just say its fine none of that bothers you. So if you can forgive in stages you will one day get all the way there. Focus on rebuilding the relationship and if he is also giving it his all then you will get there. Just give it time.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

lbell629 said:


> I once read in a book that an affair was like a crack in a vase and when you reconcile your marriage it is like applying super glue to that crack. You will always see the crack there and know what happened, but your marriage will be stronger because of the super glue.


Aw, that is a very nice way to view it.

Butterfly_2010, see if this can help.
How To Survive Infidelity


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## Quads123 (May 27, 2010)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> Wow! So now its her fault?? Not sure if you found the right forum. I think this person was looking for support.


I wasn't saying its her fault nor did I imply that. I just asked a question as to what was going on with her. Seemed as though things were going great then things stopped and she is asking questions on what to do. _ He is a better husband! He treats me better than he ever has, our relationship is better!
_ What am I supposed to take away from that? Obviously therapy needs to happen - either that or she never really dealt with it when it happened. 

I am at the right forum - just seems my thoughts are different then yours.


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