# Husband looking for preteen porn.



## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

I posted a few days ago about my husband not ever wanting sex, and acting uninterested in it. I thought he was cheating, so I put a keylogger on his phone. Today while I was visiting my grandma that just had surgery he searched for "young porn" "preteen porn" and "teen porn" he is 25. When I was 14 and he was 18 (when we first got together) he did look for preteen porn. I asked him why he used his streaming minutes and he said he didn't and I must have by accident. Btw he was looking at it for 30+ minutes. He doesn't last 2 minutes in bed. I didn't tell him about the keylogger. I don't know what websites he visited, or how long this has been going on or how serious it is. I am worried. I have two small children. What do I do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

this is OUTRAGEOUS! Underage porn is a CRIME! I cannot condone this action, and neither should you! Get a divorce ASAP, he doesn't sound like a worthy spouse!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You can go to jail for even looking it up in Australia, in fact I reckon you should report him but that's just me. The authorities will get him the help he needs before he does something potentially dangerous.


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## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> this is OUTRAGEOUS! Underage porn is a CRIME! I cannot condone this action, and neither should you! Get a divorce ASAP, he doesn't sound like a worthy spouse!


Oh yeah a divorce is happening ASAP. I'm worried about my children. I don't know if I should tell authorities? Get my children tested? I am so lost right now. If he's a pedophile then I can't have my children being a lone with him. I never expected this, cheating yes just not this and apparently he's an amazing liar. Who do I contact or should I just talk to a lawyer? I used a keylogger to find out and I think they're illegal so they couldn't use that in court. He would just get our kids every other weekend. I can't have that because I don't know if it is just "young and preteens". My kids are 3 & almost 2.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> You can go to jail for even looking it up in Australia, in fact I reckon you should report him but that's just me. The authorities will get him the help he needs before he does something potentially dangerous.


That's what I'm thinking about doing. Would they be able to retrieve the data from his cellphone? Through the cellphone company maybe? He uses private browsing. Also his dad is the owner of the account and he bought the phone and pays the phonebills for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Do tell the authorities, but make sure you have your evidence. I'm not so sure about this, but I'm sure if you ask the experts they should be able to guide you.

You did put a keylogger on his phone which is illegal I guess but if you can get him to use your computer somehow instead and put the keylogger on YOUR computer then you'll have legitimate evidence. You'll need it for the restraining order as well so you can keep him away from your children. This is really fked up, and I sure as hell wouldn't let him anywhere near your kids. Supervise them with him but don't cut him off yet until you get evidence from him lest he gets suspicious then you won't get anything.

But I don't know much, this is better left to the experts I think


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Tryintoef said:


> Oh yeah a divorce is happening ASAP. I'm worried about my children. I don't know if I should tell authorities? Get my children tested? I am so lost right now. If he's a pedophile then I can't have my children being a lone with him. I never expected this, cheating yes just not this and apparently he's an amazing liar. Who do I contact or should I just talk to a lawyer? I used a keylogger to find out and I think they're illegal so they couldn't use that in court. He would just get our kids every other weekend. I can't have that because I don't know if it is just "young and preteens". My kids are 3 & almost 2.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk to a lawyer first, to get real-deal, real-world advice about legalities in your area. This is serious matter.

You must also dig deeper. Is he really addicted to underage porn or porn in general? If can be proven that he is very much into underage porn, then not only he would lose his visitation rights upon divorce, he would be in danger of being thrown to jail as well.



RandomDude said:


> Do tell the authorities, but make sure you have your evidence. You did put a keylogger on his phone but if you can get him to use your computer somehow instead and put the keylogger on YOUR computer then you'll have legitimate evidence. You'll need it for the restraining order as well so you can keep him away from your children.
> 
> This is really fked up, and I sure as hell wouldn't let him anywhere near your kids. Supervise them with him but don't cut him off yet until you get evidence from him lest he gets suspicious then you won't get anything.


:iagree:


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## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Talk to a lawyer first, to get real-deal, real-world advice about legalities in your area. This is serious matter.
> 
> You must also dig deeper. Is he really addicted to underage porn or porn in general? If can be proven that he is very much into underage porn, then not only he would lose his visitation rights upon divorce, he would be in danger of being thrown to jail as well.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You could install a much better keylogger so that you get screen shots and website names. But you might not want to see what he's looking at.

I wondef if you speak to the police if they can do something to find out what he's doing. Personally, if my children's father was searching for pre-teen (aka child porn) I'd want him prosecuted so that he could never be with the children unsupervised.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Do tell the authorities, but make sure you have your evidence. I'm not so sure about this, but I'm sure if you ask the experts they should be able to guide you.
> 
> You did put a keylogger on his phone which is illegal I guess but if you can get him to use your computer somehow instead and put the keylogger on YOUR computer then you'll have legitimate evidence. You'll need it for the restraining order as well so you can keep him away from your children. This is really fked up, and I sure as hell wouldn't let him anywhere near your kids. Supervise them with him but don't cut him off yet until you get evidence from him lest he gets suspicious then you won't get anything.
> 
> But I don't know much, this is better left to the experts I think


Keyloggers and phones and sometimes on computer is illegal. You could be in legal trouble if you went to the authorities with evidence you captured in that manner. Look up your state laws.

If he is using a computer that the children use as well, then you can put a keylogger on it to monitor the children.

Find out how to do this legally. The police or FBI can search his computer and find out a lot about what he's doing.

You can search his computer to look for files he might have hidden on the hard drive. Search his entire computer drive(s) for things like *.jpg, *.bmp, *.tiff, and other image file extentions.

also search in files for things like @gmail, @hotmail some people keep logs of secret email accounts, passwords, accounts to porn sites, etc hidden on their computer. Search enough and you can find them.


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## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You could install a much better keylogger so that you get screen shots and website names. But you might not want to see what he's looking at.
> 
> I wondef if you speak to the police if they can do something to find out what he's doing. Personally, if my children's father was searching for pre-teen (aka child porn) I'd want him prosecuted so that he could never be with the children unsupervised.


I currently have ikeymonitor on his phone. It does take screenshots but I had it set to every 6 minutes and somehow it missed it. I want him punished more than anything but since it is illegal I didn't know what to do. I just found out tonight and feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't want it to backfire and have him get custody while I'm charged with spying. The "young" porn is more disturbing. To me that's under preteen. I feel so sick, he's such a sick person I can't believe I didn't find this out before. I honestly believe him 6-7 years ago when he said he thought preteen was just teen. I'm such an idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

I would get some legal advice ASAP. I would also take the kids to be checked and I would NEVER leave them alone with him again while you investigate this mess. I would try to get as much evidence as you can to use against him, but make sure you do this the right way and not something that could get you into trouble.

He is a sick person.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I agree with everything said here. I would be worried about my children ... however, my guess is that there is a difference between pedophilia and sexual abuse of his own children. I like to have sex with women ... that does not mean I would want to have sex with my own adult daughters (actually, mine are young but that wasn't my point). He might be interested looking at sexual images of young children but that doesn't mean he would have sex with HIS young children. That's the rational part of my brain ... my gut says that no way in hell would I allow him to have access to my children knowing that. I'd go with my gut.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

This man is a potential danger to yourself and the children. Get away from him and keep him away from the kids.

I would advise you to check in confidence with a lawyer to check the laws where you live but do please be aware that in many countries any information gained through illegal phone / computer data logging could be ruled inadmissible in court (in the same way that evidence from an illegal search of a person or house is). I am sure you would not want him to escape prosecution because of something you did.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

There is nothing wrong with maybe telling the authorities (and mobile carrier) that you 'honestly' saw him doing something disturbing on his phone if you can't reveal the spyware. Also, does he use cellular data or wifi? If wifi, where and what service (internet provider may be able to help)? What part of the globe are you at? This will help those who want to help you here research what the laws/rights are that you have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Private browsing: Privacy mode - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Sorry for the multiple posts, keep thinking of things that may help....
....I'd keep your info. private from his father in case he would want to 'help' his son and by that I mean NOT turn him in. OK, that's all, will wait for the many replies that im sure you'll get before i post again. Good Luck with everything!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

This is why back a long time ago when I looked at porn, I never even clicked anything that had the word "teen" in it. It doesn't matter that some of the those girls are actually 18 and over, the fact that someone is even interested in the word "teen" says there is a problem to me. As the others have said, it might be a good idea to talk with someone about this ASAP.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm sorry you're going through this. However if it were me, 14 and 18 would have probably triggered something for me then. I'm sure you overlooked that, since you were probably in love. Anyway, I hope you get out of this situation and deffo get your kids checked out.


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## Tryintoef (Feb 11, 2013)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> There is nothing wrong with maybe telling the authorities (and mobile carrier) that you 'honestly' saw him doing something disturbing on his phone if you can't reveal the spyware. Also, does he use cellular data or wifi? If wifi, where and what service (internet provider may be able to help)? What part of the globe are you at? This will help those who want to help you here research what the laws/rights are that you have.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He uses private browsing and cellular data on his iPhone. I live in MS. He also has encrypting software on his computer and a program to zip, or compress files. I just though he was using it for the games he downloads. He always downloads programs to clean/delete things. I am such an idiot for not realizing these things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Thanks for the reply! 

OK, you're in MS. I would contact the most near large or county police (small town PDs lack resources and knowledge). Ask specifically for the internet crimes officer/division. They, along with whatever D.A. they consult with will be MORE than interested in kiddie-porn. Anybody who views it and provides/shares it get prosecuted. They (police and D.A.) can easily get records from phone carriers and now that we know his computer is involved, his internet provider records. Uses cell data on his cpu?...NO problem!! A computer has a MAC address. If police are serious and have even a trace of evidence the devices will be confiscated.

Iphone, is it jailbroken? If so, you could put spyware on it (same with the computer I suppose also). I'd start with the PD and explain that you still live together and discretion is a must for the time-being.

Does he work? Can you access the computer? Get a flash drive (32 or 64 gb) and copy all compressed and other suspicious files that aren't system files. May help the PD and your cause for knowledge. Access the iphone? Back-up the phone to itunes and copy that as well.

One last thing, tread cautiously! These people know what they are doing is illegal so, for safety's sake, dont snoop if there's a chance H is nearby. He has everything to lose at this point and if he's aware, not only will your H better cover his tracks, who knows what else a criminal may do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Just be careful with what terms he is using that are offending. Things like teen, young, virgin, barely legal, lolita, little girls, schoolgirls are not going to be illegal, distasteful to many, but not illegal . Pre-teen yes even in states with ridiculously low age of consents. 14 in some states, that is nuts. 

Friend of a friend story, but this guy ordered some DVD online and got 5 years in club fed. He had a wife and kid. Get out ASAP.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Please make sure he is actually looking at underage porn first. Not sure how to tell you to do that unless you got the police involved. Maybe you could go to them saying you suspect it, but you're not 100% for sure. Its an awful crime to commit or be accused of, so first make sure that is exactly what it is. 

There are many porn sites out there with the word "teen" in it, or "young girls" etc, and they are actually of age, 18 and older but made to look younger. I have never come across a site though that says "preteen". Although I'm sure there are many sites like that. It very well could be that he has a problem and that he is looking for things like that. BUT it could also be he isn't and thats the wording of the sites.

Go to the police, someone that specializes in cyber crimes, etc, tell them your concern. It could be they can look at the computer/phone and tell you what you need to know. Also be prepared that if in fact they tell you yes he is looking at underage girls, that he could be carted off to jail. If he isn't then they will tell you he is just looking at sites with girls who just look younger than they are.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

trey69 said:


> Please make sure he is actually looking at underage porn first. Not sure how to tell you to do that unless you got the police involved. Maybe you could go to them saying you suspect it, but you're not 100% for sure. Its an awful crime to commit or be accused of, so first make sure that is exactly what it is.
> 
> There are many porn sites out there with the word "teen" in it, or "young girls" etc, and they are actually of age, 18 and older but made to look younger. I have never come across a site though that says "preteen". Although I'm sure there are many sites like that. It very well could be that he has a problem and that he is looking for things like that. BUT it could also be he isn't and thats the wording of the sites.
> 
> Go to the police, someone that specializes in cyber crimes, etc, tell them your concern. It could be they can look at the computer/phone and tell you what you need to know. Also be prepared that if in fact they tell you yes he is looking at underage girls, that he could be carted off to jail. If he isn't then they will tell you he is just looking at sites with girls who just look younger than they are.


I like this. You do need to make sure looking at illegal porn and not just looking it up. I feel for you. I have 3 kids and would be concerned for them as we'll. If he's looking at illegal porn the cops may be on to him already. They don't play around here in MS.


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## superstition (Apr 7, 2013)

I know the first thing people do is get hysterical, but keep in mind that what someone looks at is not necessarily what they're going to go for in real life.

I have looked at furries, grandmas, scat, and a lot of other stuff on the net just out of curiosity. None of those things excite me in the least. But, I am a curious person. I don't want to see brain surgery again, but I have seen it.

And, sometimes people look at porn that they shouldn't be looking at because they know it's illegal... the thrill of breaking the law surreptitiously is more of a thrill than the content.

But, since you felt the need to put a keylogger on his phone it seems like your relationship has moved well beyond saving, regardless of what you found on his computer.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

superstition said:


> I know the first thing people do is get hysterical, but keep in mind that what someone looks at is not necessarily what they're going to go for in real life.
> 
> I have looked at furries, grandmas, scat, and a lot of other stuff on the net just out of curiosity. None of those things excite me in the least. But, I am a curious person. I don't want to see brain surgery again, but I have seen it.
> 
> ...


Respectfully sir,
I don't think you get it.

You see, there's an old saying that goes like this:
"..._By beholding [ looking] we become changed_.."

So, you look at hairy porn, you might just want your SO to grow some hair.....No problem there.

You look at Grandma porn, you might just be tempted to try a grandma who might also be willing.....No real problem there.

You look at scat , you might want to try eating some sh!t.....No problem there.

You look at Gay porn, and mightr be temptes to try it at least once with another willing male, many men often do. Doesn't mean they are gay, or so some people think...No problem.

However, you look at teen or undera ged porn, you get the urge to try it, because lets be honest, it turns you on.....BIG ,BIG PROBLEM!
Many childern and people are trying to piece their lives back together again , because some man had the urge to try something, * new * on them , 
" for the thrill of breaking the law..."


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## superstition (Apr 7, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Respectfully sir,
> I don't think you get it.


I do get it. A spouse has every right to be concerned over his/her spouse looking at illegal materials online. A spouse also has the right to not have keyloggers placed on his/her equipment, due to the trust good relationships are built upon.

This relationship seems to be at an end. I so also think it is wise to carefully evaluate the situation if there are children involved, because some people do go after them in real life when there is evidence that they look at such materials.

The point I was making is that what someone looks at online does not necessarily translate to what they will go after in real life. The fact that I've seen furries and granny porn does not mean I'm going to go after people in fur suits or grandmas at the mall.

People frequently have difficulty separating fantasy from reality and there can be a very large division between them. This is, for instance, why the US Supreme Court ruled that it's legal for adults to look at drawings involving child porn.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

superstition said:


> *people frequently have difficulty separating fantasy from realit*y....


....full stop.


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## superstition (Apr 7, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> ....full stop.


That was my point, so I assume you now agree that I do "get it".

I see that you expanded your post above. The reasoning doesn't add up. Just because someone sees something online doesn't mean they're going to be more inclined to do it. I am no more inclined to sleep with grannies than I was before I saw granny porn. Furry porn was even more wretched than I anticipated going in.

Heterosexual men frequently do "gay for pay" in the porn business. They have gay sex in porn films because it pays better. Since actually having gay sex doesn't turn them into gay men, your point is disproved. Gay men marry women and, try as they might, remain gay, too.

Some people browse the Internet out of boredom, looking at all kinds of odd stuff. Some people don't understand why anyone would do that. People are different. It is a big assumption to assume that just because someone looks at something or reads something that they are something.

The key is to find a pattern of behavior over time. That is what helps to establish an identity. If she can prove a pattern of pedophilia then her case will be a lot stronger.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

StargateFan said:


> Just be careful with what terms he is using that are offending. Things like teen, young, virgin, barely legal, lolita, little girls, schoolgirls are not going to be illegal, distasteful to many, but not illegal . Pre-teen yes even in states with ridiculously low age of consents. 14 in some states, that is nuts.


Any sexual photographs or video of anyone under 18 violates US federal law. It may be legal in some states to have sex with a 15 y/o girl, but take pictures and it's a federal felony.


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## superstition (Apr 7, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Any sexual photographs or video of anyone under 18 violates US federal law. It may be legal in some states to have sex with a 15 y/o girl, but take pictures and it's a federal felony.


The legal code definitely needs to be improved. 18 year olds are being dubbed "predators" for sexting with their 16 year old girlfriends.

Destroying Kids to Save Them (From Sex) | Psychology Today


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Tryintoef said:


> I posted a few days ago about my husband not ever wanting sex, and acting uninterested in it. I thought he was cheating, so I put a keylogger on his phone. Today while I was visiting my grandma that just had surgery he searched for "young porn" "preteen porn" and "teen porn" he is 25. When I was 14 and he was 18 (when we first got together) he did look for preteen porn. I asked him why he used his streaming minutes and he said he didn't and I must have by accident. Btw he was looking at it for 30+ minutes. He doesn't last 2 minutes in bed. I didn't tell him about the keylogger. I don't know what websites he visited, or how long this has been going on or how serious it is. I am worried. I have two small children. What do I do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Wow, now that's a shocker. He needs help.

Getting the divorce ASAP, probably a great idea.

Is he a secret child molester and has he already molested your children????

When I occasionally view porn, I look at women, 20's, 30's, 40's......women.

Pre-teen porn........get out like yesterday!!

The only thing I can think of, since you were 14 when you met him, having sex, he may be looking at 13 - 14 year old girls? But at age 25, he should be looking at women, 20's, 30's, etc.......pre-teen is just wrong on all levels.

Maybe it was a one time thing and that's it? Can you be sure?



Now if he was looking at 18+ year olds, old enough to have finished highschool, drivers license, get a FT job, college or University, move out on their own, then 18+ is just fine, but not younger, in the western world anyways. In the middle east and India, its normal to have pre-arranged marriages and the girls are very young and the men are a lot older.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

WOW... I know I'm going to be the only one with this opinion.. but here it goes..

First either he's a monster or a person with a problem who can be helped. These people have no clue which one he is but you might have a better idea.

Sounds like he's the monster type by your readiness to destroy him. Is he a human being with no value or someone you actually care about that you would like to get help?.. 

Maybe he needs HELP not jail. You don't think he can be cured of this fantasy? Take away the fantasy and he may lose the desire. Individual counselling PERHAPS? Psychiatry? You think the police will help him? HAH. anyone who thinks that is DUMB. They'll fry him.

ALSO there exist certain sexual deviants who are VOYEURS ONLY and who would never actually engage in anything of the sort that they VIEW. 

Don't send the father of your children to jail when he hasn't physically mistreated anyone... (YET you say).. Ok well I think you should confront him and not let him off the hook. Force him to get help under threat of going to authorities. Give him the choice. At least you can do it with your loyalty intact if he refuses.

OR... you could just completely destroy his life and leave him no hope for a decent relationship with his children, no hope of any career, forever registered as a sex offender and a stigma that will follow him wherever he goes for the rest of his life. I think Id rather off myself then live that life.

F-CK people... why is it the only solution in America to throw people in jail? Help him don't destroy him if there's a chance he hasn't crossed that threshold!!! 

If there is ONE person in this world that should have his back its you, his wife. 

Clearly if you're willing to do that to him and throw him under the bus without getting him help then you don't love him or you know something we dont?!?!. Has he given you any other reason not to trust him with your children?

If you think he is beyond hope because of other information you're not sharing then please... tell us why... because there is no info on here for anyone to make that claim at this point.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm guessing HappyHubby doesn't have any daughters.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

True. I don't. Would that change my viewpoint? It might. I really can't say. I also try to think logically and with compassion for everyone... including those at whom others cast their stones. He might be a decade away from ever being capable of acting on it. Helping him now could be just as safe an option as police.

I just think that the best option would be for him to get help without being publicly outed and thrown in jail. 

That could do some damage to the kids too don't you think?


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Also it seems (and Im just guessing) he is into the 12,13,14,15 yr old range... young girls at the beginning of their biological sexuality. If so, then it's not little children so there may be no danger to your young children whatsoever. Your children's babysitters on the other hand...


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

I think you should have a private discussion with a professional sex therapist who deals with these kinds of things to get a better understanding of the spectrum of deviancy that you're dealing with. That expert may be able to help you identify where your husband fits, what the danger level is. Maybe that therapist will be the person to fix your husband, (if your husband is willing to admit to the problem of course) .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

superstition said:


> That was my point, so I assume you now agree that I do "get it".
> 
> I see that you expanded your post above. The reasoning doesn't add up. Just because someone sees something online doesn't mean they're going to be more inclined to do it. I am no more inclined to sleep with grannies than I was before I saw granny porn. Furry porn was even more wretched than I anticipated going in.
> 
> ...


Anyone who views porn that involves under aged children is engaging in an illegal act. They are supporting, and thus participating in, the sexual abuse of children. If no one viewed it, it would not be on the internet. If it was not on the internet, thousands fewer children would be abused each year to make that trash.

There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Anyone who views porn that involves under aged children is engaging in an illegal act. They are supporting, and thus participating in, the sexual abuse of children. If no one viewed it, it would not be on the internet. If it was not on the internet, thousands fewer children would be abused each year to make that trash.
> 
> There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.


I agree it is absolutely wrong to support or create this stuff and very unhealthy to be sexually drawn to it... but take a walk down logic lane with me for a sec...

You assume the reason people abuse children is to put it on the internet. This is likely not the case. They abuse them because they are scum and would do it in privacy without the pics and videos if there was no internet.. like 30 years ago.

I bet the frequency was the same right before the internet but it was not in the open. 

I could be wrong! but this is a question that would require some data and scientific inquiry.

The marginal effect on children of OP's husband looking at a picture is zero IF he does NOT redistribute it to a single person and does NOT pay anything for it (which creates a profit incentive) . 

IF!! this is the case (and im in hypothetical land here) he is not harming or supporting the harming of children. This is pure logic. His issue in this case would be a mental problem for which he needs help. And yes he needs help because what he's doing is very destructive and illegal.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

This is actually a very interesting ethical question... 

try this hypothetical situation.. 

A young man is walking along the road when he comes upon a naked picture of a young girl.. say 13. He picks it up and brings it home as it excited him. He masturbates to it and feels guilty but hides it away in a secret place. He has never met the girl, never will. he didnt create it and he never gets caught. He never harms anyone throughout his whole life and never does anything inappropriate with any underage people. He keeps the photo for a year before destroying it by fire.

Did this man act immorally/unethically? Support with arguments..

If you answer no.. try to extend that to the internet like I did above. Is there a difference? could be.. what do you think?

If you answered yes, explain.

Any takers?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

What you need to establish is whether the images are actually of children or porn actresses pretending to be children. If it is the latter then it's not illegal. If he's looking at child pornography then his bags should already be packed and the police called.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.


I agree with that, but Googling the words "preteen porn" is not the same thing as viewing porn. 

You can call the police, but unless they happen to stumble across something else, it isn't going to go anywhere legally. Before calling the SWAT team or the FBI, I would rather find evidence of him actually viewing or producing child porn, or molesting kids.


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## Mark Ford (Apr 7, 2013)

I'm sure I'll get lots of flack about this post but here it goes. Girls have been married for thousands of years at 14 and up and at times younger if they could indeed become pregnant. It is engineered into a man to look at any female who has breasts, a nice butt, and a womanly form.

Granted, many 14 year olds and even 15 year olds do not have this going for them since they haven't matured yet. The fact is, most all men have had a girl underage when we were dating as in guy is 17 or 18 and girl is 15 or 16, etc.

My girlfriend and now wife was 15 when I met her and I was 18. We find NOTHING wrong with this picture but yet if someone 18 even looks at naked pictures of a 15 year old, we cry foul as a society. Does this make any sense?

The female body was made to be beautiful and pleasant to the male eye. God never stated a certain age at which beauty started. We all know that women are ready for marriage according to thousands of years of history shortly after she gets her period. While I CERTAINLY don't condone that in most any of today's society's, why do we think that we can somehow know better in only two hundred or so years what is the correct age at which nakedness and sex should be appropriate for girls?

These are real questions and while certain parts of society have spoken and made it LAW for all others, it doesn't make it the right stance. As for preteen porn, anyone who views such things is perverted to an extreme and I believe has something wrong with them. If your husband is in fact viewing preteen porn, you should definitely talk to him, and if he doesn't stop, report him.

The discourse above is for consideration. We have become too much like robots. If you were to put guys ages (20 to 25) into a room and put up pictures of a 16 year old dressed very sexy and an 18 year old dressed very sexy, do you think that somehow they would only be aroused by the girls who are 18?

There is much to be said for the appropriate age of sexuality for a girl and I believe that basically, it depends on the girl and NOT what the STATE mandate says is normal or okay. 

What are your thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HappyHubby said:


> I agree it is absolutely wrong to support or create this stuff and very unhealthy to be sexually drawn to it... but take a walk down logic lane with me for a sec...
> 
> You assume the reason people abuse children is to put it on the internet. This is likely not the case. They abuse them because they are scum and would do it in privacy without the pics and videos if there was no internet.. like 30 years ago.


I did not say that the ONLY reason people sexually abuse children is to put it on the internet. That would be a down right stupid assumption.

What I did say and know for a fact is that because there is a market for porn involving underaged children, people produce it. Every time someone produces porn involving a child... a child is abused. If there were no market for this, FEWER children would be abused.


HappyHubby said:


> I bet the frequency was the same right before the internet but it was not in the open.
> 
> I could be wrong! but this is a question that would require some data and scientific inquiry.


You are wrong on this. I have read studies and reports that state that because of the internet child porn industry, the use of children in porn is up may times what it was years ago before it was so easy to MAKE MONEY off of child porn.


HappyHubby said:


> The marginal effect on children of OP's husband looking at a picture is zero IF he does NOT redistribute it to a single person and does NOT pay anything for it (which creates a profit incentive) .


So since one person looking at child porn has a small marginal effect on the abuse of children for the purpose of producing porn, we should not concern ourselves with anyone who views child porn. After all they are only one person. Got it.


HappyHubby said:


> IF!! this is the case (and im in hypothetical land here) he is not harming or supporting the harming of children. This is pure logic. His issue in this case would be a mental problem for which he needs help. And yes he needs help because what he's doing is very destructive and illegal.


Yes his issue is a mental problem. My post was not addressing the OP’s case in particular. I was addressing someone who posted that there is no problem with anyone viewing child porn as it was simply a curiosity.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Theseus said:


> I agree with that, but Googling the words "preteen porn" is not the same thing as viewing porn.
> 
> You can call the police, but unless they happen to stumble across something else, it isn't going to go anywhere legally. Before calling the SWAT team or the FBI, I would rather find evidence of him actually viewing or producing child porn, or molesting kids.


I did not suggest that the OP call the police on her husband. If you want to take this up with someone who did suggest that the OP call the police, then please do.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I don't even understand why this is a problem?
The only " problem " here is that the OP's husband is viewing material that is ILLEGAL.
If its illegal why are we trying to rationalize his behaviour?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Let me ask a question...Can you actually google pre teen porn? I mean is it actually possible to do a search for it online? I am not going to even try. It is enough to get you a jail term in the US and most of the western world....I am sure you could be charged even if you were just *collecting evidence *against someone..Just don't know if it is possible....Also, I am sure lots of sites air brush young LOOKING models and call them pre teen, but in the eyes of the law are legal......

The issue of pre pubescent porn is totally different from that labeled 18+ etc....This type of porn could only appeal to the pedophile, and it is *criminal* in all forms...

Yes some of the laws are stupid...I have seen cases of young men being labeled "SEX OFFENDER" for having "sexting" pictures of their underage GF...Not a good thing...I think the onus should be on the *commercial exploitation *of young girls/boys.....

I have seen some posts about "there is othing wrong about being attracted to pre teen nudity"....The point being a nude 16 yo is as sexy as a nude 18 yo.....The difference is the quantum leap in maturity young people "can" make in that age range...A young person needs time to learn how to handle the hormone high they are riding at that time in life...

*The whole point they are missing of course is that it is not possible for a person of that age to make a truly informed decision about doing that sort of thing...The playing field is just not fair.....Therefore it is abuse...*


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## Mark Ford (Apr 7, 2013)

And yet Woodchuck, many states disagree with you since they allow marriage at 16. I think one state allows it at 15. The fact is, all people mature at different ages and to act as though there is a de facto age for all sexuality is to act like you are God and know all.

God allowed women to be able to conceive children when she started getting her period so the conversation has to at least start from there period. 

How can you state that someone 18 is more mature than someone 17 for instance. There are many 17 year olds that are far more mature than many 18 or even 19 year olds. Many 20 year olds are so very immature and have no idea what marriage and a life time commitment and completely giving oneself to another really means.

Sexuality like maturity is therefore not easily definable and the State is far from God even though it poses itself that way. Just because society and the State say something is wrong doesn't necessarily mean it is wrong. 

There are some things for sure that we can possitively know that are wrong, but with sexuality, it is as different as there are as many people on the Earth. Furthermore, thousands of years of evidence point to marriages between 14 and up and even younger girls. So evidence points to most girls marrying before 18 rather than afterward.

You can't have a one-sided argument and you can't try to have a moral high ground without knowing the morals you are gleaning from.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So since one person looking at child porn has a small marginal effect on the abuse of children for the purpose of producing porn, we should not concern ourselves with anyone who views child porn. After all they are only one person. Got it.


You misquote me. I didn't say small, I said ZERO... as in 0. 
Under the conditions that he not redistribute it to anyone and to not pay. He is therefore not participating in any market. His crime is a thought crime under these strict conditions


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Oh noes, not da childrens!!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mark Ford said:


> God allowed women to be able to conceive children when she started getting her period so the conversation has to at least start from there period.


sir,
It is a proven fact that women who start having sex at that age are at a higher risk of cancers, cervical included.
Her body has not fully matured enough to bear children.
A girl's first period is just the beginning of a maturing process that prepares her body for womanhood and child bearing.

I don't think God wanted big, fully grown men, having sex with little children.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

$500.00 says he's not looking at underage porn. I bet it's 18+ which is commonly dubbed "teen" or "barely legal," to enhance the notion of doing something taboo. This happens a lot; woman discovers husband is looking at porn and is so upset he's getting pleasure elsewhere she has selective memory. I'm not saying it's alright; I actually think porn is damaging, but the point is you had better be darn sure. Because if you're wrong and you hamstring him-- he's going to go after you. And you'll deserve it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I can't believe TAM is honestly allowing this thread to go on.

Are you f*cking kidding me?
Grown ass "men" discussing whether or not it's acceptable to sleep with/masturbate to child porn, 12 year olds?

Do none of these "men" have daughters, little girls who play with dolls and have tea parties. And you'd be fine with some man masurbating to them having a bubble bath with their toys?

This thread is absolutely disgusting, and many of you "men" are equally so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Mark Ford said:


> And yet Woodchuck, many states disagree with you since they allow marriage at 16. I think one state allows it at 15. The fact is, all people mature at different ages and to act as though there is a de facto age for all sexuality is to act like you are God and know all.
> 
> God allowed women to be able to conceive children when she started getting her period so the conversation has to at least start from there period.
> 
> ...


That's not even close to the point...

Marriage for a pubescent girl is allowed in many cultures. The laws are primarily ment to curtail the commercial exploitation of pre pubescent girls

A girl married at 16 is not being commercially exploited. She is living in wedlock with a husband...If that husband decided to video the honeymoon and post it on the internet he would be a criminal....

most cultures that condone 12-14 yo girls getting married do so in the context of arranged marriages, many times to a boy of the same age. the marriage might not be consumated for years...and I know none that sell sexl videos of these children...

the woodchuck


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I can't believe TAM is honestly allowing this thread to go on.
> 
> Are you f*cking kidding me?
> Grown ass "men" discussing whether or not it's acceptable to sleep with/masturbate to child porn, 12 year olds?
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


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## Mark Ford (Apr 7, 2013)

A girls period is the starting point, but not neccesarily a place that any girl should be sexual at. The rest of your argument doesn't make any of my points invalid. We are talking about girls having sex at ages less than 18.

Of course prostitution is to me out of this equation and dialog since I myself view it as completely morally wrong and degrading to women even though porn is in many ways the same thing if one wanted to argue such a case.


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## Mark Ford (Apr 7, 2013)

Cuddlebug, it is just a discussion. I myself would never sleep with any underage girl obviously as the majority of men wouldn't either, but many men including myself have slept with underage girls when we were 17 or 18.

Society has set up or rather lawmakers have set up what they believe to be right while still letting girls marry up to 3 years before what they have stated is legal which makes NO sense.

Wouldn't you agree?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WTF Mark Ford, teenage crap is one thing but that is just NOT the point of this whole fking discussion

This discussion does NOT involve a teen who wants to ram anything that looks good in his eyes, this discussion involves a FULL ADULT who deliberately looks up preteen porn and considering how protective I am of my own daughter if I could get away with it I'll clean the f-ckwit out myself


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

aribabe said:


> I can't believe TAM is honestly allowing this thread to go on.
> 
> Are you f*cking kidding me?
> Grown ass "men" discussing whether or not it's acceptable to sleep with/masturbate to child porn, 12 year olds?
> ...


I have a four year old daughter, and there is no way in HELL I would look at, search for, think of, or otherwise dabble in porn with a female less than 18. Porn ain't really all that enjoyable anyway. I'm revolted by the idea of anything preteen or pre-18. Yuck.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I have a four year old daughter, and there is no way in HELL I would look at, search for, think of, or otherwise dabble in porn with a female less than 18. Porn ain't really all that enjoyable anyway. I'm revolted by the idea of anything preteen or pre-18. Yuck.


I FKING AGREE

But I more than agree, I believe in no human tolerance to those who proved themselves inhuman in my opinion. I have been restraining myself when I posted on this topic but fk it, that's just my opinion, take it or leave it.

I grew up surrounded by victims of sexual abuse, I've also experienced the death of one of my friends who was gangraped which I bear part responsibility for as I dropped her there. The thought of my daughter suffering this makes me want to rip someone apart, so FK IT, end this fking thread. OP, follow my advice and many others get that FKWIT TO JAIL for rehabitaliation not only for his benefit but for the sake of our next generation AND - to keep those who feel strongly about this away from doing what needs to be done to ensure that our daughters will not be threatened by such despicable people.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Just to be clear I was discussing the moral implications of opener's husband viewing it (without distributing or paying for it) not whether its okay for young girls to be exploited by grown men. Of course not.

I was also debating the conflicting responsibilities of the opener to 1. safeguard her children (there may be no danger) 2. responsibility to society at large 3. responsibility to honor and support her husband (As she vowed), which in this case means tough love and getting him to get help.

The devil is really in the details to be honest and she hasn't provided them sufficiently to know what the right course of action is.

There may be a course of action where all 3 of her responsibilities are upheld and the best outcome ends up for all. That action just may be to get him help. Putting him in jail is a very serious outcome with very serious consequences for her, her children, her husband and her husband's family. It will not only define his life but possibly his children's as well.. think about it very carefully .


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I'd just add mine to the voices saying to be absolutely sure that's what he's looking at. I've helped moderate a picture-sharing chat room, and anything that have us the slightest doubt resulted in the user being banned from the room. That said, you might b surprised at how illegal legal can look sometimes. More than once, I was ready to lower the ban hammer, when I'd see a copyright notice for the original site and check it out, only to see that it's a commercial site in compliance with laws regarding the keeping of records to prove the models are of legal age.

If it's the real deal, he deserves everything he's got coming to him, up to and including legal action. If not, it might still be a dealbreaker for you, but not for the authorities.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> There may be a course of action where all 3 of her responsibilities are upheld and the best outcome ends up for all. That action just may be to get him help. Putting him in jail is a very serious outcome with very serious consequences for her, her children, her husband and her husband's family. It will not only define his life but possibly his children's as well.. think about it very carefully .


Subsiding my own anger over even the thought of a person like this unjailed let alone not being ripped apart by my own hands (if only I could get away with it)

What would you suggest as an alternative either than mental asylums or jail for rehabitaliation?


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I FKING AGREE
> 
> But I more than agree, I believe in no human tolerance to those who proved themselves inhuman in my opinion. I have been restraining myself when I posted on this topic but fk it, that's just my opinion, take it or leave it.
> 
> I grew up surrounded by victims of sexual abuse, I've also experienced the death of one of my friends who was gangraped which I bear part responsibility for as I dropped her there. The thought of my daughter suffering this makes me want to rip someone apart, so FK IT, end this fking thread. OP, follow my advice and many others get that FKWIT TO JAIL for rehabitaliation not only for his benefit but for the sake of our next generation AND - to keep those who feel strongly about this away from doing what needs to be done to ensure that our daughters will not be threatened by such despicable people.


You are projecting. 

He just might not be that guy though...

How are you so sure he's a rapist?

There is a difference between him infrequently looking it up among a whole bunch of other pornography and being the rapist type.. Its a slippery slope yes but he might still be at the top of the hill!!! Opener should spend a bit of effort finding out how far he's slid before making her decision.

Oh and...

To keep people from murdering him is what u are saying??... that's the dumbest thing Ive ever heard. After he gets out of jail he will registered and labelled a sex offender. His chances of being a vigilante victim will increase drastically if anything.. what you really mean is send him to jail so someone will take him out. that's what you REALLY mean.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Subsiding my own anger over even the thought of a person like this unjailed let alone not being ripped apart by my own hands (if only I could get away with it)
> 
> What would you suggest as an alternative either than mental asylums or jail for rehabitaliation?


We don't know the extent of it but probably a therapist who specializes in this area. A Dr. of some kind. THAT is the help.. jail is not rehabilitation . Don't be obtuse. Jail= punishment. PERIOD.

He could very well get ripped apart and sexually abused himelf in jail without ever having touched a single other human being inappropriately. Is that justice?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Perhaps, maybe my first few posts are more in line and advisable, just reading this thread again and recent posts have angered me however and the seeming defensiveness towards OP's husband. But yeah, I withdraw from this discussion, you guys seem more level-headed and your suggestions are more sound.

He needs the help he can recieve, he is not guilty as of yet of doing anything.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Who gives a fvck if a man who watches child porn gets abused in jail, I don't. 
Aww poor little pedo is scared of all the big grown men.

If a man sits a watches his daughter bathe and masturbates to her bathing, he needs to get locked up.
If he's online looking up videos of little girls bathing to masturbate too, he needs to get locked up.
If a friend gives him a video of his own little girl naked getting ready for school and he goes home and masturbates to it, he needs to get locked up.

And that is all true whether he puts his hands on someone's little girl or not. 

And when his pedo ass is locked up, he needs to get fvcked up by the men in that jail who have daughters, and the ones that don't.

HappyHubby, you clearly have mental issues babe, and that is not a joke. 




HappyHubby said:


> We don't know the extent of it but probably a therapist who specializes in this area. A Dr. of some kind. THAT is the help.. jail is not rehabilitation . Don't be obtuse. Jail= punishment. PERIOD.
> 
> He could very well get ripped apart and sexually abused himelf in jail without ever having touched a single other human being inappropriately. Is that justice?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

[social hypocrisy rant]

He can have sex with a girl at whatever the age of consent is in your state. Most states are age 14-17. 

But if he is looking at pictures then he is facing serious jail time. So you want to make sure he's actuallly gone as far as looking at pictures instead of just having sex with them, if that is the age group. 

[/social hypocisy rant]


Since divorce is happening, and since this looks like felony activity that bears on custody, I would be asking authorities what to do. Child porn is going to get him removed as custodian and jail time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aribabe, you shame me in my decision to be liberal, a part of me wholeheartedly agrees with you, but another part of me says - whatever it takes to keep this man from harming others. Jail IS the university of crime which I personally have experienced myself even if none of my crimes were sexual in nature

I say, just get the fkwit the help he needs, and keep him away from people like me who would not hesitate if given the chance to clean him out


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Lots of female teachers are being caught sleeping with their 15 and 16 year old students lately. I hope the posters who condemn this man feel the same way about these pedo teachers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jail is what will keep this man from harming children

Pedophilia is NOT curable, it is treatable and has a very high incidence of relapse when "treatment" ends.

Can you be counseled into not being attracted to women, or counseled out of being attracted to women. 
Men who are attracted to children, are simply attracted to children, and are a threat to them. 

So we can leave all those pedos out and try to convince them not to touch, film, take pictures of, masturbate to, our children, our little girls and boys. Or we can put them in jail.

I don't give a damn about a pedo's feelings, sorry. Not A Single Damn.



RandomDude said:


> Aribabe, you shame me in my decision to be liberal, a part of me wholeheartedly agrees with you, but another part of me says - whatever it takes to keep this man from harming others. Jail IS the university of crime which I personally have experienced myself even if none of my crimes were sexual in nature
> 
> I say, just get the fkwit the help he needs, and keep him away from people like me who would not hesitate if given the chance to clean him out


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Richie

If that's directed at folks who condemned this man which also includes me YOU FKING BET MATE

I didn't fail to learn over so many court charges for assault how to humiliate and teach a lesson to someone without leaving marks that would cost me fines and jailtime. If that happened to my daughter in the future you FKING bet I'm hunting that **** down.

@Aribabe

If that's the case, and there's scientific proof of it, then I would wholeheartedly endorce a cleanup if only the hippies didn't get in the fking way. The thought of my tax money being sent to these predators while they are in jail is sickening, I'd rather they be cleaned out.

I'm sorry, but I have very strong opinions in this regard. If it's not curable the disease needs to be purged.

Hell this topic makes me angry, it brings up the pains I've felt when my friend committed suicide, or when I heard of my first gf's rape, how her father gave her peace by first degree "murder" and is still suffering 20 years cleaning out a rapist. FK... think I need to take a break


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Calm down internet killer. It was a question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well you got my answer, but yeah, I have to calm down, this is the internet!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Mark Ford said:


> A girls period is the starting point, but not neccesarily a place that any girl should be sexual at.


A starting point for what?

I was nine years old (almost 10) when i first got my period.

You need to revise your thinking dude... the age at which a girl starts menstruating has to do with the weight of the girl nothing to do with her sexual maturity.

This whole discussion has just revolted me...


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Her husband is looking at images of children....the authorities need to be notified or they know about him already. Somebody should be knocking on his door soon enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I sure hope so mate, glad we agree in this at least

Just keep people like that out of reach of our children and I'm happy, regardless of my own opinions in this manner.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Never disagreed with you. I am a parent and the statistics disgust me.
I just finished watching a show where it stated 1 in 4 girls will be molested/ sexually assaulted in their
lifetime. 1 in 6 boys will be molested. The numbers are horrific.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/ Things are even worse than I thought

It inspired me to write up threads like this:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/politics-religion/64830-rape-capital-punishment.html

I just hope OP wherever she is has realised the reality of this situation and is doing what is necessary to minimise harm to her children, as I posted even when I was level-headed, this is just some SERIOUSLY FKED UP SH-T


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## 33N 96W (Aug 25, 2012)

*It's a federal crime to have, make, sell or distribute, or look at child pornography (if by looking at it you wanted to be sexually aroused). 

It's also a crime to offer to sell, trade or buy child pornography.*

Expect to do a lot of Solitary confinement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

The opener is probably an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Look up the difference. An ephebophile is much less dangerous and far more normal and common (think teen (18yr old) porn). My assumption has been that he only briefly looked to see how young he could go but is not actually interested and collecting CHILD porn.. (prepubescent). I bet you he is interested in young teenagers, the age of his wife when he met her. She didnt have any problem with it at the time...

Pedophiles are those attracted to Prepubescent children while ephebophiles are attracted to teenagers after puberty between say 14-18. 

Opener really has to find out which one he is... there's a HUUUGE difference in behaviour and psychological profile and this is supported by proper study. 

I don't have mental problems Aribabe. It's called an honours education, critical thinking skills and a willingness to broach ANY subject with REASON. This often leaves me susceptible to being brow-beaten by unthinking emotional bowling balls... like you. and FYI I have a wonderful sex life with my wife, not addicted to porn and completely well-adjusted in that area.I personally have no natural sexual interest in women that look younger than a fully matured teenager - say 17, 18 or 19 and up. But Id actually prefer older!! Id pick my wife! lol

But I needed to be the voice of reason here. The world is not as simple as the simple-minded would like it to be so they can process it easier. It's just not. The world is too full of loud dumb people and the smart people are often too quiet.

And remember, insults are the last vestige of the out-argued.


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## Mark Ford (Apr 7, 2013)

Waiwera, sex used to revolt the Puritans at any age. I am NOT condoning a girl having sex as soon as she gets her period, but all talk of sex and the appropriateness of it much at least start at a girl's period.

That is just a common sense starting point but of course not neccesarily where one should start. I really didn't think I had to explain that but I guess I do. So for those who want to be "SHOCKED", if you are going to have a discussion about WHEN or at what age sex is appropriate for a girl, then we must start at the onset of her period and move forward to 18, 19, or even 21 for some or maybe older.

One set of rules cannot fit all is my main point and basing your argument on what you "think" rather than having a critical thinking process as well as examining the history of marriage is rediculous if you want to have a serious conversation. 

As for anyone who however desires to have sex with, look at, or masturbagte to girls that haven't even had their first period, and maybe in many cases a little afterwards since as you stated some girls get their periods at 10, they are sick and perverted and desire to or are abusing children. 

With all of that being said, unlike some of the posters here, I do actually know what the Bible states if in fact we are having a complete moral argument and the Bible does not state at what age a girl should or should not be married. However, it is obvious that any girl who is ready for a life time commitment is ready for sex and marriage.

That age could be for many 20, or so and for others it may very well be 15 or 16 and up, etc. But like my original argument stated, there is not one size to fit all in regards to the prepardness and readiness of a girl to have sex and no State can legislate WHEN that time is.

We can see such an error even in the way people can be married at 15 or 16, but yet the State deems those under 18 as underage and not mature adults. 

Lastly, as for those with daughters, I can completely understand your first instinct to be outraged over such a conversation. However, I myself am not talking about rape, pornagraphy, prostitution, etc. but the age at which girls can have sex, desire to have sex, and have the maturity to commit to a life time with someone in marriage.

That was my main argument and still is.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> The opener is probably an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Look up the difference. An ephebophile is much less dangerous and far more normal and common (think teen (18yr old) porn). My assumption has been that he only briefly looked to see how young he could go but is not actually interested and collecting CHILD porn.. (prepubescent). I bet you he is interested in young teenagers, the age of his wife when he met her. She didnt have any problem with it at the time...
> 
> Pedophiles are those attracted to Prepubescent children while ephebophiles are attracted to teenagers after puberty between say 14-18.
> 
> ...


But it is OK for you to insult others?

The Law is the voice of reason not you and viewing child porn is illegal.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

HappyHubby,

If any part of you thinks defending pedos or "ephebos" makes you the voice of reason here lol, then my assmption about your mental health is clearly correct dear. Clearly.

Because it takes a very interesting man to find out that a man is masturbating to children, and think well his wife didn't mind it when she was a child.
That's because she was child, HappyHubby. And children don't have very good forethought skills. And when an 18 year old is having sex with a child, the child isn't thinking about his attraction to children.

So we have a man, who is attracted to children, and a wife who has children, and you're thinking is.... just put him in counselling, don't put the little pedo in jail.
The pedo has been a pedo since his wife was a child, and he still is one.




HappyHubby said:


> The opener is probably an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Look up the difference. An ephebophile is much less dangerous and far more normal and common (think teen (18yr old) porn). My assumption has been that he only briefly looked to see how young he could go but is not actually interested and collecting CHILD porn.. (prepubescent). I bet you he is interested in young teenagers, the age of his wife when he met her. She didnt have any problem with it at the time...
> 
> Pedophiles are those attracted to Prepubescent children while ephebophiles are attracted to teenagers after puberty between say 14-18.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

she wasnt a child. by definition she wasnt a child. she was 14 .. and he was 18. hardly a man... he was an older boy, not a grown man...

I wasnt interested in 14 yr olds at 18. problem is some 14 yr olds look and act different than others. she could have been a fully developed, clear-headed and mature 14, and he being of the more mentally immature, still-sees-himself-as-a-teen type mentality. You're twisting the history. They could have been at an equal mental footing, especially because the average girl is a year or two ahead of the average boy developmentally (until boys catch up around 16 to 20 yrs old)

Now that he's older and still looking at that age, it is wrong. YES. but you don't know the extent... you're not educated in this. you're not a Dr. (psychiatrist). You dont know whats curable, fixable.

And neither do I. so thats why my suggestion is for her to talk to someone who does. not an internet forum. man alive... 

OP. dont listen to me or listen to these people. Talk to experts. Someone with a credible degree and experience in these matters. end of story.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I think you mistook the title and post, it says specifically PRETEEN
It is VERY difficult to remain level-headed in this thread, you are trying to be the voice of reason sure but now reading your posts I'm not so sure if you understand the topic at hand - regardless of your intention to be level-headed.

I try to be non-judgemental as much as possible on this forum but there's a line, this is one of them. I understand my anger at all of this can get the better of me especially when I see people defending her husband - that's just fking asking for it. I would have left this thread as it is after my first few posts if it wasn't for this "discussion"

What I've suggested before this discussion got underway was simple, steps to protect her children from this obvious pedophile who I personally believe need to be monitored at the very least... but when people defend her husband... FK THAT If I had a choice I would want them removed from society permanently - but that is my own weakness as I have met many friends who were victims of child abuse and was a victim myself with molestation by my own mother which I just simply don't talk about. I grew up thinking it was normal which fked up my head rather, hence another reason I'm VERY protective of my only child, but nevermind that.

I don't have a credible degree, and I also recommended she talk to experts, but I strongly recommended she take this issue seriously, yet when I hear people trying to defend her husband and think about the possibility of OP being lax about it, of course I'm going to voice out my opinion as outrageous as it may come across, which others have done as well.

Not only are her husband's actions illegal and outright despicable, but it threatens her children. And as I said - look at the title of this thread. We're not talking an 18 yr old with a 17 yr old gf, we're talking an adult looking up CHILD PORN. So why the fk are you defending him?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't know what world you live in where 14 isn't a child, but it is. It's a 7th grader for christs sakes lol. 

An 18 year old is a man, a grown man who is on his way to college, with a car and a job. And a man looking to bed a 7th grad child is exhibiting pedophilic behavior and it is consistent with his current pedophilic behavior.

The thing is that at 14 no matter how mature or developed you look or feel, you are NOT fully developed. That's why children have parents to make their decisions for them, because they simply are not fully developed enough mentally to make the best decisions for themselves. 

I do know that pedophilia not curable. No credible source will tell you that is curable and the rate of relapse after "treatment" is so high that it's laughable that it's even called treatment. 

She absolutely does need to speak with an expert, a person with criminal authority, and she needs to inform that authority that her husband is engaging in illegal acts with child porn. And before she does that, she needs to get her children away from this "man". Before they become victims, if they're not already.



HappyHubby said:


> she wasnt a child. by definition she wasnt a child. she was 14 .. and he was 18. hardly a man... he was an older boy, not a grown man...
> 
> I wasnt interested in 14 yr olds at 18. problem is some 14 yr olds look and act different than others. she could have been a fully developed, clear-headed and mature 14, and he being of the more mentally immature, still-sees-himself-as-a-teen type mentality. You're twisting the history. They could have been at an equal mental footing, especially because the average girl is a year or two ahead of the average boy developmentally (until boys catch up around 16 to 20 yrs old)
> 
> ...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I think you mistook the title and post, it says specifically PRETEEN
> It is VERY difficult to remain level-headed in this thread, you are trying to be the voice of reason sure but now reading your posts I'm not so sure if you understand the topic at hand - regardless of your intention to be level-headed.
> 
> I try to be non-judgemental as much as possible on this forum but there's a line, this is one of them. I understand my anger at all of this can get the better of me especially when I see people defending her husband - that's just fking asking for it. I would have left this thread as it is after my first few posts if it wasn't for this "discussion"
> ...


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Nice. Another insult. Clearly ignorant. 14 is 9th grade or even 10th grade depending on month of birth and time of year. The fact that you got that wrong has destroyed any credibility you have for any post you will ever make here. I'm out of this thread. Clearly can't have rational debates about difficult subjects on the internet. Waste of energy. 

Again, my only opinion that I am sure is right is that she should talk to an expert. Whatever advice they provide, whether it be talk to police or not, is coming from a knowledge base far superior to our own and I would suggest she follow THAT.

The fact that you are taking this off the table as an option shows ignorance. 

P.S. I never once defended him looking at preteen porn. I only defended him getting together with his girlfriend when she was 14 and he 18 because demonizing that outright can be a bit ridiculous. I've seen more than few relationships of this age range work out very well, my sister-in-law for one. All my suggestions have been that he has a problem (opposite of defending!) and to get him help (wow im a real psycho hey? ). Assuming he hasn't touched any kids, this is not an injustice no? 

P.S.S if anyone touches a kid Im right on board with you. Beat them and lock them up for life.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

As if anything about your thinking process would lead me to believe you can determine who or what is credible in any sense lol. 

I wasn't 14 in highschool, none of my friends were 14 in highschool, we were all KIDS in middle school at that age. I'm not sure what creepy parent was fine with your sister in law dating a grown man when she was a child. Did he pick her up from the bus stop after school and help her with her homework too?

Here is what I can promise ANY rational authority would say, a "man" who is into children, is a threat to ALL children, including his own. Whether he "gets help" or not doesn't change that fact. 

I don't know your life story, or what you've done/has been done to you, HappyHubby. But I do believe it would behoove you to figure out exactly why you think the way you do in regards to child/adult sexual interactions. Because your mental faculties in regards to this topic are frightening. And since it is such a serious topic, to be so lax about it is very concerning. I would imagine a person had to have a very intersting life to rationalize pedophilia... I don't know. I am a victim of childhood sex abuse, I've seen the rationalize hamster at work. And it's scary to see here.



HappyHubby said:


> Nice. Another insult. Clearly ignorant. 14 is 9th grade or even 10th grade depending on month of birth and time of year. The fact that you got that wrong has destroyed any credibility you have for any post you will ever make here. I'm out of this thread. Clearly can't have rational debates about difficult subjects on the internet. Waste of energy.
> 
> Again, my only opinion that I am sure is right is that she should talk to an expert. Whatever advice they provide, whether it be talk to police or not, is coming from a knowledge base far superior to our own and I would suggest she follow THAT.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mark Ford said:


> Cuddlebug, it is just a discussion. I myself would never sleep with any underage girl obviously as the majority of men wouldn't either, but many men including myself have slept with underage girls when we were 17 or 18.
> 
> Society has set up or rather lawmakers have set up what they believe to be right while still letting girls marry up to 3 years before what they have stated is legal which makes NO sense.
> 
> Wouldn't you agree?



I have never looked at pre teen porn, kids, rape, violence, nothing but adult based porn from time to time. It's just so wrong to even only look at that type of porn, just wrong. No way around that one. That's sick.

If you're say 17 year old guy and you sleep with your gf at age 15 or 16, you're both minors and under age. We all did that. But if you an adult male and looking and even doing sex with basically children, not women or even young women, I have a solution for that.

Is it okay to have sex with your child and you're an adult? NO!!!


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I am a victim of childhood sex abuse, I've seen the rationalize hamster at work. And it's scary to see here.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah. so its you who has the interesting life story, not me. This is the source of your projections. I'm sorry you went through that but don't project onto me. You have the bias not me. I never condoned any preteen garbage and you keep stretching what i'm saying to say that I have. You clearly cant understand simple arguments. 

We are talking at cross purposes here. Defining a 14 year old female as a little girl and an 18 year old male as a grown man without looking at the individuals and situation involved is ridiculous. Generally, they are both adolescents. They are both young and dumb and growing up. Whats wrong with you? The age difference might be a stretch but its not perverted. 

Anything preteen is perverted but i haven't once argued in favour of that, have I? No. and you know it.

Whats "WRONG with me" as you say is that I am defending the very nice and good people that I have known who were in relationships having the 17-14 or 18-15 gaps. They were absolute equals in the relationships. Frick in some cases the younger ones held the leash of the older one, one of them being my friend. They dated for 6 years. Did we rib him for dating such a young girl? Of course, but once we knew how deeply they were in love, it was all normal and they were an item.

So I know from personally witnessing good people have relationships at that age range who were deeply in love. My friend dated this girl for over a year before they had sex. Completely respectful. Im sorry you were abused... that has nothing to do with my friend or sister-in-law and her bf. Get the picture now? See what my interesting life story is? It's actually not even my story but from those around me. And no it wasn't illegal because its Canada... Thank God.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

No, there's something there HappyHubby. You don't have to admit it to me, you don't know me. But you know what has gone on in your own life. And I can see the mental disconnect with you.

Because I've been through childhood sex abuse, I can see the rationalizations. They're always the same.
"She was mature", "she looked grown up" , "she wanted this", "she can make her own decisions", "I wanted sex at her age", "she lubbbs me sooo much and wants this from me", "she likes this as much as I do", "she came on to me", "she's in control of this"

Children (1 are not capable of making these type of descisions rationally, they are not fully developed, and they can not "see" into the future very well. Which I why when the OP was a 14 year old child, she couldn't imagine that her then adult boyfriend would still be attracted to children even when se bcame an adult.

It is ALWAYS the same type of raionalizations as to why a man (18) is fine having sex with a child (14).
A pedophile can always rationlize sex with a child, that's what makes them, them... and
the rest of us normal, because we just can't rationalize that.

There is something.... not quite right with your thinking. That is all I will say and I will leave this thread at that.



HappyHubby said:


> Ah. so its you who has the interesting life story, not me. This is the source of your projections. I'm sorry you went through that but don't project onto me. You have the bias not me. I never condoned any preteen garbage and you keep stretching what i'm saying to say that I have. You clearly cant understand simple arguments.
> 
> We are talking at cross purposes here. Defining a 14 year old female as a little girl and an 18 year old male as a grown man without looking at the individuals and situation involved is ridiculous. Generally, they are both adolescents. They are both young and dumb and growing up. Whats wrong with you? The age difference might be a stretch but its not perverted.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

The age of consent is 16 in the UK. It's there to protect children form being taken advantage of and abused by adults. An 18, 19 year old would likely not be prosecuted for having consensual sex with a 15 year old unless the 15 year old pressed charges. 
My son is 16 ( over the age of consent) and his GF is nearly 15, boy has he had it drummed into him that he isn't to lay a finger on her. Even though it would be consenting, she is still too young to be making those kinds of decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

You'll probably think I'm a mess, too, aribabe, because not only do I appreciate Hubby's point, bu at the same time, I've seen firsthand the damage that a bad relationship with such a disparity if age can do.

On that front, my wife's first boyfriend was 17-18 (a high school senior) when she was 14 (I have to agree with Hubby here...14 is generally 9th grade. While this may be housed in a building that says "middle school" or "junior high" in some districts, 9th grade is the freshman year of high school.). At his hands, she was the victim of multiple date rapes and beatings, all of which affected how her relationships have worked throughout her life, and I'm sure you don't need me to spell out that they haven't all been healthy choices.

On the other hand, you're drawing a clear line in the sand where one doesn't necessarily exist. Say, for example, a junior and a freshman start dating at the beginning of the older's junior year. Against all odds of high school romance, they stay together with a flourishing relationship throughout that school year and the next. It seems from your posts that, in such a scenario, you would insist that, upon the older person in the relationship hitting his/her 18th birthday, the couple should break up.

Nothing magical happens on an 18th birthday. There's no thunderbolt with a sudden flash of wisdom and maturity. You're the same person you were as a 17 year old the day before...but, a different set of rules now applies.

My wife's freshman/senior relationship wasn't a good one. Some are. Some (most?) blossom and die in the blink of an eye like most high school romances. For work, I've visited large high schools and small high schools. The student body mixes and mingles, and as a casual observer...I have no clue as to the age or grade level of any of the students. With them all in the mix together, I wouldn't expect them to necessarily check proverbial ID before taking an interest in one another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Grayson, you're not a mess. You're just being logical.

This moral question is called the argument of the beard.

One whisker doesn't make a beard. Two doesnt. 3,4,5,6 whiskers on a face don't make a beard. At what number of whiskers on a face would you say they have a beard? 342? why not 341? 

It's impossible to say at what specific day,month, year someone is too mature for another one. Does that mean there isn't a point where the change is too great? Of course not. It's a fallacy to think that because a change is gradual that over time a real change hasn't occurred. At some point it is crystal clear the man has a beard. 

At some point it's crystal clear the guy's WAY too old for her (say 25 and 14.5 - obviously). But 18 and 0 days? how about 17 and 364 days? or 18 and 2 months?17 and 11 months?

The point is that it's a difficult moral question to set rules by due to the continuity of maturity and differences between individuals.

I wouldn't expect aribabe to understand why I or you would be so rational about it given what she's gone through but I'm rational about EVERYTHING. I take no moral stance on anything BEFORE thinking it through clearly. My morality comes from my logic, not the other way around. The second way is very dangerous in society. Think witch burning - inquisition, holocaust. Those are all situations where people are provided a moral stance and then are forced to rationalize why that stance is correct. 

We've really gotten off topic. This was not supposed to be about their relationship at 18 and 14. But its more interesting of a debate because its not as clear-cut as pedophilia which is so clearly wrong that there can be no discussion.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My immediate reaction is to say, well, I can't say it, as TAM has some clear rules about such language.

But is it possible that he was abused as a child and, therefore, part of his sexuality is 'stuck'? Is part of him 'stuck' as a pre-teen?:scratchhead:


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> My immediate reaction is to say, well, I can't say it, as TAM has some clear rules about such language.
> 
> But is it possible that he was abused as a child and, therefore, part of his sexuality is 'stuck'? Is part of him 'stuck' as a pre-teen?:scratchhead:


I'd even go so far as to say that most of our tastes and preferences for all things - food, music, what we find attractive - are pretty well locked in by our mid to late teens. As we get out into the world, those may broaden, but they still build upon our established preferences. Possibly something traumatic may have "locked" him in earlier; maybe like the kid who will only eat one thing, he's just stayed with the first thing he liked. Maybe he's just a creep.

That said, I stand by my earlier statement to make sure what he's looking at is truly what's being described, or if it's adults playing that part before taking drastic action. If the latter, it still might be a dealbreaker and creepy, but not illegal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

Listen, he digs young chics, alot of guys do, unfortunately. I mean he was 18 and you totally underage when you got together. 18 is too old for a 14 year old. He clearly has a thing for younger women. So, he is probably looking up teen porn, which exists as a catagory on porn sites. This is not illegal and most of the girls are like 25, it seems. It is not illegal to look at teen porn, so make sure, 100 percent that he is looking up pre-teen porn or kiddie porn. Be absolutely sure. I mean there is a reason "teen" porn is on all porn sites... guys did young chics. Supply/demand. But, if you find that his search terms are pre-teen or something else, you need to get out and get out fast. This does not mean he is going to harm his own kids, he is just a pervert. But, I would not take any chances, I would leave and leave quickly. He is probably immature and may never appreciate a woman his own age. So, when you are 45 and he is 50, he still may be looking at teen porn. Is that what you want to be with?


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## Lionlady (Sep 12, 2012)

> Listen, he digs young chics, alot of guys do, unfortunately. I mean he was 18 and you totally underage when you got together. 18 is too old for a 14 year old. He clearly has a thing for younger women. So, he is probably looking up teen porn, which exists as a catagory on porn sites. This is not illegal and most of the girls are like 25, it seems. It is not illegal to look at teen porn, so make sure, 100 percent that he is looking up pre-teen porn or kiddie porn. Be absolutely sure. I mean there is a reason "teen" porn is on all porn sites... guys did young chics. Supply/demand. But, if you find that his search terms are pre-teen or something else, you need to get out and get out fast. This does not mean he is going to harm his own kids, he is just a pervert. But, I would not take any chances, I would leave and leave quickly. He is probably immature and may never appreciate a woman his own age. So, when you are 45 and he is 50, he still may be looking at teen porn. Is that what you want to be with?


Totally. It's much less likely that this guy is a pedophile than that he's like the majority of men who are attracted to YOUNG HOT GIRLS. 18, 16...14 is getting creepy, but nowadays there are a lot of young teenagers who LOOK like fully developed women. If this is so weird why (as this poster said) are there entire categories on legal porn sites for teen girls? And they aren't really teenagers anyway. They're just young looking and the taboo turns people on. 

Men are genetically programmed to look for young, fertile women. I think my husband find me attractive, but I'm not dumb enough to think that if he sees a hot 16 year old in a bikini he's not going to look.


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

And, actually, women are designed to look for young, healthy sperm, but you don't see us checking out young, hot guys on porn... well, uh, maybe like 25 years old, but younger than that is just too young. I mean look at all these 30 something or older teachers going after their 16 year old students. Must be something. Does it make it okay? No.

Men are men, but you need to make sure it is not pre-teen. You are entering a whole new realm there; a sick realm. Also, if he just checks it out every once in awhile and that is okay with you, then okay. If he is addicted, then that is another issue.

The mere fact you are writing about it means you have an issue with it, so confront him about it and see what happens. I am going to guess he will get defensive. 

Ascertain if he digs really young girls or the occassional teen porn. BE CAREFUL! Remember, he chose you when you were VERY underage!





Lionlady said:


> Totally. It's much less likely that this guy is a pedophile than that he's like the majority of men who are attracted to YOUNG HOT GIRLS. 18, 16...14 is getting creepy, but nowadays there are a lot of young teenagers who LOOK like fully developed women. If this is so weird why (as this poster said) are there entire categories on legal porn sites for teen girls? And they aren't really teenagers anyway. They're just young looking and the taboo turns people on.
> 
> Men are genetically programmed to look for young, fertile women. I think my husband find me attractive, but I'm not dumb enough to think that if he sees a hot 16 year old in a bikini he's not going to look.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

This entire thread is an epic fail.

Any man who is programmed to look at PRE TEEN girls for sexual reproductive purposes needs to have his " programme" re-written.

PRE TEEN means 12 yrs downwards.
What is so sexually alluring and attractive about a 12 , 11 or 10 year old girl?
What about 18 , 19 , 20- something year olds?
Logically, that age seems to be prime.

So how come women are not programmed to want to mate with 9 and 10 yr old boys?
Sounds like there is some sort of virus or malicious script in that programme to me.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

This is sick!! In so many ways

you have children!

RUN


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## Saffy (Mar 19, 2013)

Unfortunately you are going to have to come clean and bring this to the authorities, so that it can be recorded. Maybe not to ruin him, but at least so it can be validated and used to make sure you get sole custody.

While I highly doubt he has acted inappropriately towards your children, this is because they are too young. Most people with sexual issues such as this have a "type" they look for. IF this is why he connected with you when you were so young... your children are going to look like you. They will be 14 someday.

I would be more concerned that he may have abused either a family member or someone else close to the family (neighbour, friend's daughter, etc) that meets his type.

THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE that he has not progressed past the "fantasy" phase. Yet. Eventually, a precipitating stressor, an opportunity, or the fantasy not staving off the urges he has will happen. Then he will act on his feelings.

I hate to give bad news, but a very large percentage of sexual predators never change.


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

Best reply so far. Good, good points.





Saffy said:


> Unfortunately you are going to have to come clean and bring this to the authorities, so that it can be recorded. Maybe not to ruin him, but at least so it can be validated and used to make sure you get sole custody.
> 
> While I highly doubt he has acted inappropriately towards your children, this is because they are too young. Most people with sexual issues such as this have a "type" they look for. IF this is why he connected with you when you were so young... your children are going to look like you. They will be 14 someday.
> 
> ...


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Saffy said:


> Unfortunately you are going to have to come clean and bring this to the authorities, so that it can be recorded. Maybe not to ruin him, but at least so it can be validated and used to make sure you get sole custody.


I don't think she can contact the authorities unless she has something substantial. Let's make it clear that the only thing he did was make Google searches for "preteen porn" on his phone. There is nothing illegal about that per se (people also search for these phrases to catch child pornographers or to research the issue), and if she called the police, he could for counter with accusations of false arrest, harassment, or it could be twisted into her manufacturing the issue to use against him in the divorce. 

To the OP - if you do contact the authorities, I recommend talking to your attorney about it first so it doesn't backfire on you.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Theseus said:


> I don't think she can contact the authorities unless she has something substantial. Let's make it clear that the only thing he did was make Google searches for "preteen porn" on his phone. There is nothing illegal about that per se (people also search for these phrases to catch child pornographers or to research the issue), and if she called the police, he could for counter with accusations of false arrest, harassment, or it could be twisted into her manufacturing the issue to use against him in the divorce.
> 
> To the OP - if you do contact the authorities, I recommend talking to your attorney about it first so it doesn't backfire on you.


I understand what you are saying but I think a good lawyer could protect her from those scenarios. My guess is a judge or a jury is not going to have much sympathy. 

He likely wouldn't get arrested BUT there would be a record of the investigation and that could be helpful, not just for custody and visitation rights but also if there are signs he takes it further than just an internet search.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

Tryintoef said:


> Oh yeah a divorce is happening ASAP. I'm worried about my children. I don't know if I should tell authorities? Get my children tested? I am so lost right now. If he's a pedophile then I can't have my children being a lone with him. I never expected this, cheating yes just not this and apparently he's an amazing liar. Who do I contact or should I just talk to a lawyer? I used a keylogger to find out and I think they're illegal so they couldn't use that in court. He would just get our kids every other weekend. I can't have that because I don't know if it is just "young and preteens". My kids are 3 & almost 2.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he was interested in 2-3 year olds, he would probably be looking up much younger than preteen children online. I don't think you should be concerned about your children as of yet, but it sounds like it's still a good idea to remove them from him as soon as possible. (Pedophiles often start with the more socially-acceptable side of the spectrum, and may eventually start looking at younger and younger images. Once they've found the age that suits their fetish, they may slowly progress towards acting on their impulses - but my understanding is that this is usually preceded by a good deal of fantasizing and pretend games first. It could take many years, but then again, I suppose it might not).

It might be very difficult to remove yourself from the situation without outside help - because he will want to know why, and will likely deny viewing underage porn. Gather data in a legitimate way, as others have mentioned, and then find help. The police will not be able to assist you unless you have legitimately-gained evidence. Other groups might be able to help earlier and are worth looking into - look for women's shelters and the like. 



EleGirl said:


> Keyloggers and phones and sometimes on computer is illegal. You could be in legal trouble if you went to the authorities with evidence you captured in that manner. Look up your state laws.
> 
> If he is using a computer that the children use as well, then you can put a keylogger on it to monitor the children.
> 
> ...


Depending where you live, it may be that you can allow the police to search your husband's computer, or anything else in your house. It is less likely that they can search his phone, especially if it is on his father's account, as I believe you mentioned. You could call and ask the police what they are able to do in response to your suspicions, but it would be better if you don't mention putting a key logger on his phone (or anything else potentially illegal). You can just tell them you are suspicious but would rather not say why, and ask what you can give them permission to search, but they are unlikely to actually do the search unless there's a good reason. 

Also, I have actually lived with someone who viewed child pornography before (a roommate, though I didn't find out until after I moved out). He hid his pictures by removing the file extensions, and most of the pictures had numbers instead of names, so there was very little description. I found out because I had backed his computer up for him on my external hard drive, when he got a new computer and needed to move the data over. 

Apparently, many people looking for child porn do so via email, so his email account may be where the police start looking. If you know what all his email addresses are, they can begin a search via the email service providers. 

Hope that all helps - and best wishes.


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

The replies to this thread are terrifying. The law is the law and it exists for a reason: to prevent kids from being abused. This stuff pops up on every corner of the internet. I agree and understand that it is a mental health issue as much as it is a criminal issue, but its a crime regardless. 

I hope OP consulted a lawyer and got help for her family. If you view CP please find help.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

farside said:


> *The replies to this thread are terrifying.*


:iagree:
My sentiments exactly.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

The _replies_ are terrifying?

Peeing your pants isn't a leadership quality, dontcha know...


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

farside said:


> The replies to this thread are terrifying. The law is the law and it exists for a reason: to prevent kids from being abused. This stuff pops up on every corner of the internet. I agree and understand that it is a mental health issue as much as it is a criminal issue, but its a crime regardless.
> 
> I hope OP consulted a lawyer and got help for her family. If you view CP please find help.


Maybe I didn't read the whole thread - it was some time ago, so I don't remember; but, I did read quite a bit. My impression is that many have given advice to get out of the situation, how to make sure the police investigate, and how to check for more evidence of the problem. 

What's so terrifying about that? Sounds right to me...


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Pre-teen is big no/no because that means it can get REALLY young.

But I am curious, does anyone think a man is just as guilty for finding a nearly fully developed 14-17 year old attractive as another man is guilty for finding a 6 or 7 year old attractive?

I for one, think there is a MASSIVE difference between the two, but society tends to lump them together. Remember, sex at 18 is just the law, and women at 14 and 15 produce the healthiest offspring. By natures law we are supposed to start breeding at that age. Obviously for our society it is much better to wait, however.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

darkrat said:


> Pre-teen is big no/no because that means it can get REALLY young.
> 
> But I am curious, does anyone think a man is just as guilty for finding a nearly fully developed 14-17 year old attractive as another man is guilty for finding a 6 or 7 year old attractive?
> 
> I for one, think there is a MASSIVE difference between the two, but society tends to lump them together. Remember, sex at 18 is just the law, and women at 14 and 15 produce the healthiest offspring. By natures law we are supposed to start breeding at that age. Obviously for our society it is much better to wait, however.


Of course there is a difference. Age 18 is an arbitrary legal number. For example if a 19 year old male has consensual sex with a 17 year old female, it can legally be rape in some places. Fairly ridiculous from a common sense point of view.

It is just a social norm, in other cultures/times men marry/married 14 year old girls or younger all the time. Biologically a 14/15 year old could bear children to work the farm etc., and in olden times that was the main concern. Younger meant more years of fertile childbearing which meant more workers for the farm. 

That is not to say I condone it, only that saying a girl magically gets mature from one day to the next when she turns a certain age like 18, is silly.

As for the OP what he did is wrong but I think we need to keep in mind that sexual fantasies about young women are quite standard in many men. That does not mean he should be actively looking for underage porn. 

There are a lot of legal porn sites that cater to this common male fantasy ("Barely 18", "Barely legal", etc.), Often the women in those videos are well into their 20s but they are dressed/made up in a juvenile fashion - because that is the fantasy. Nothing wrong with it, until it crosses the line into looking at or seeking out actual underage girls, which is clearly wrong.


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