# HELP: Should I marry my girlfriend?



## rob15 (Jan 17, 2010)

I face a difficult choice concerning my girlfriend – marrying her or breaking up with her. Aside from one major issue which I will describe below, she is amazing and perfect for me in every way. She is kind, sweet, nurturing, charismatic, beautiful and funny. She is, in other words, most guys’ dream girl. I wish I could force myself to fall madly in love with her, but I haven’t been able to do this so far.

My decision about marrying her depends on the answer to the following concern.

All the girls I’ve been attracted to in my whole life have been very smart and well-educated. My current girlfriend, on the other hand, is not very educated at all. Oftentimes I feel like her father, teaching her things that I knew in middle or high school. She has never once in four years said anything that challenged me intellectually or allowed me to learn from her. But it’s also her lack of ambition in experiencing life, in learning, seeing and doing new things.

**HOWEVER**, through my help she is becoming more educated. She’s finally almost finished with her undergraduate degree (she's almost thirty) and upon my prodding is even considering applying to graduate programs. Despite her occasional annoyance at my prodding, she is very happy that she has finally found a focus in life. She views her last ten years with sadness, as wasted time. So her education will improve vastly. Will I grow to love her if this void is filled, or will it be too late by that time?

Most of the time when I think of us being married, it is not a happy thought. It’s because I don’t love her completely, which is because of the above issue.

(Note that I am not stating that a lack of education is something wrong with her. Instead, this is something that makes her not a good match for ME.)


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Hmmmm, I wonder a few things. 

Are you having cold feet and looking for ways to excuse yourself from the commitment? 

Do you have unrealistic expectations of your gf? Do you love her for who SHE is, not who you think she could be? 

Why isn't it happy thoughts when you think of marrying her? What specifically isn't happy?

I'm glad for your note at the end btw. Because otherwise you were sounding a tad stuck up ;-)


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I dont think you should marry her. its hard enough as it is with someone when you're madly in love with them. whats going to get you through the hard times? it doesnt get better when you marry, its gets worse, then it gets better. So can you handle it getting worse then this? If not, there's your answer.


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## Meriter (Nov 10, 2009)

yeah that's a huge no to marriage.
Maybe Alexandra is right and you have unrealistic expectations, but more likely, this isn't just the right person for you.
My wife has no ambition either. I have to literally do her classwork FOR her sometimes or she'd just fail out of school. 
Marriage will only amplify the negative aspects of your relationship meaning more nagging from you and more resentment from her.

BAD IDEA.
The fact that you even have to ask is a flag. c'mon. You're smarter than that.


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