# separated but living together i am going nuts



## sarah25 (Mar 4, 2012)

been separated from my husband for 2 months now.....we have a son together whom he never wanted and has put me through hell both during my pregnancy and after i get birth . Still he blames me for the separation.......says that i am too controlling and that i never trust him....this are the things he did...tell me if i am going nuts.
* Him;-
watched porn when i was in hospital giving birth to our son, instead of being on by my side

has signed 3 different accounts on dating websites;- wanting 1-1 sex and his age range that he is intersted are b/n 18-23 and i am 25.

he is so self centerd, he will be nice when he wants something from me but then act like i dont even matter
he comes home late , like 8 in the morning from where....i have no idea

says constantly he has only one life to live and he wants to be happy

he wants to go abroad in 2 years but has no plan regarding his son

There is so many things he has done to hurt me yet he is the one in control, taking his ring off , changing his martial status on facebook, calling me his ex even though we havent devorced yet, u see if we get devorced he might get deported so he doent want to devource me.i have given up so much for him, has lost in contact with friend / family for him and this relationship and after ten years all i get is , i have one life to leave and i have already wasted so many years ......he thinks that the times he spent with me is a waste of time, that hurts.


we are living together as i am not financially strong, will use this board to just take my frustation out.*


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Lawyer up.. he's banking on your neediest. he using you to stay here and you letting him. 
*WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS BS?????????*


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

if you are living together, you are not separated.

you are still together and he just gets to walk all over you and do whatever he wants.


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## sarah25 (Mar 4, 2012)

I guess you are right @ *just why*, i just feel like cripple, i nkow its not fair what he is doing. I dont know why i cant find the courage to just cut off, its destroying me.

*2nd timz,* we are separated, we are only living together so he could help me with the rent, just recently lost my job, so i could use with extra help. 

I feel so worthless, for living with someone who thinks i am a bad wife and that he doesnt ever want to be with me.

Hours ago i told him how he has ruined my life, and his reply was dont be dramatic, you r only 25 u can start your life over.

I pray to God, that i would have the strength to move on but its proving to be so difficult....


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

STBXH and I were in this same situation last spring, when his bachelor pad was too expensive for us. It was hell, and a good chance for him to do the pull closer/push away mindf*ck. ('Scuse my French) One thing you may want to look into is whether your state requires a couple to live apart for a certain amount of time before being able to divorce. If they do, you may not be able to file as soon as you think. This guy sounds like a total jerk -- please look out for yourself and your baby. DO NOT worry about him getting deported -- why do we want him here anyway, LOL?


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## sarah25 (Mar 4, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> STBXH and I were in this same situation last spring, when his bachelor pad was too expensive for us. It was hell, and a good chance for him to do the pull closer/push away mindf*ck. ('Scuse my French) One thing you may want to look into is whether your state requires a couple to live apart for a certain amount of time before being able to divorce. If they do, you may not be able to file as soon as you think. This guy sounds like a total jerk -- please look out for yourself and your baby. DO NOT worry about him getting deported -- why do we want him here anyway, LOL?


_Posted via Mobile Device_

I know that him being here just causes more pain, but I am so damn obsessed with not wanting to have regrets and I feel like if he gets deported it will be something I can't undo.
He is like u said playing mind games, I hate the way i feel, the way he makes everything my fault and the fact that he says I repeat things over and over like old woman.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

sarah25 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> I know that him being here just causes more pain, but I am so damn obsessed with not wanting to have regrets and I feel like if he gets deported it will be something I can't undo.
> He is like u said playing mind games, I hate the way i feel, the way he makes everything my fault and the fact that he says I repeat things over and over like old woman.


Sarah,

I don't mean to be mean.but, GROW UP! This guy is using you and you are letting him. Kick him to the curb. Start the divorce. If he gets deported, so be it. You need to start worrying about you and your child.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

See an attorney - soon. 

Start thinking about what you need to do to be independent and start taking those steps.

You can do it!


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

He sounds abusive (emotionally) and you are being a doormatt. 

You should kick him out. You need to be firm with him and toss his hide out. If he wants to live like a single man he can do it couch serfing. Untill the divorce is finalized he does not have to be deported. So do not let him walk all over you under this threat that is just a threat untill you make is more real to him.

You should see a lawyer and confirm all the facts even thoes surrounding the idea that a divorce will have him deported. I think there are some loop holes and I say you should look to have all the right info from the right sorce and it is easier to collect child support when borders are not involved. 

Pick your self up and start figuring out things. Do not lay there and take this crud from him. Stop being a doormatt and do something!


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## smith9800 (Mar 7, 2012)

Have to talked to him on these matters and ask him cause? Tell him that your son is also his responsibility. If he wants to be happy in life then you must also and you have the right to live happy.


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## sarah25 (Mar 4, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sarah25 (Mar 4, 2012)

Thank you all for your replies. Taking from your advice, I am going to be more firm. Here are the things that I am planning to do as of now:-
Stop making excuses for the way he is

Be firm and not backdown when he fails his responsibility as a father

Distance my self( as we still have conversation on what we have done during the day

Find job as soon as possible

Kick him out of the house

Stop showing him my weakness( I tend to let him know that I am miserable, confused and on more than one occasion I have told him he has ruined my chance of happiness and proper family!

I am so weak when it comes to him it's sicking
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

I know what you are going through, my husband of 10 yrs recently told me that he needed space that he was confused and thought he was having a mid life crisis.........he is only 28. We have 3 beautiful children, we still live together and he says he wants to work on relationship but has to get over hurt and resentment from the way our relationship used to be and things that I have done, he is openly seeing another woman but still tells me we will evaluate our relationship and see if we can work it out but he isnt even trying, everyone says that I need to just let him do what he needs to and that he will come back and I try and it hurts everyday cause he goes to work, comes home talks to her on phone goes and meets her and comes home and goes to bed (on the sofa of course)...I have told him one of us can move out or we can get divorced so we can both move on with our lives but he doesn't want that doesn't know what he wants yet and wants me to continue waiting til he makes up his mind and it kills me everyday.


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