# Hello



## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

I have 2 beautiful children. She cheated on me. She filed for the divorce. Been going through a divorce for last 3 years. Let just say she doesn’t know what she want. I didn’t push for it as I wanted to be there for the children at that time as they were very young. Living under same roof. Children are older now 16, 17. I have wonderful And great relationships with them. Recently I been falsely accused by her were an order of protection was placed by her and now I been forced out of our house. I am hoping to get some feedback and advice from the group.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

See a lawyer, solicitor or an attorney now and make sure you get them to report her to the police.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Poff, so let me get this in 2016 you were going through a divorce because she cheated when the kid were really young, and now your kids are 16 and 17 and she wouldn't pay her half for the bills and each of you had a lawyer both living under the same roof, you didn't go through with the divorce because of you thinking of the kids. And now have a RO against you. 

Well being forward, l think she now has had enough of your weak and feeble position. You lacked the courage and strength of a man, and choose to not act like one. Now she is, to bad you didn't act and when you posted in 2016 you only posted 3 time then you left. Do you think you can handle the advice or are you just venting? 

I will see how you answer my post. And this will help others who give advice here. 

Tilted


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> See a lawyer, solicitor or an attorney now and make sure you get them to report her to the police.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> See a lawyer, solicitor or an attorney now and make sure you get them to report her to the police.


Have a lawyers. Cheating don’t mean anything in this state. She could post that she done it with the football team


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Tilted 1 said:


> Poff, so let me get this in 2016 you were going through a divorce because she cheated when the kid were really young, and now your kids are 16 and 17 and she wouldn't pay her half for the bills and each of you had a lawyer both living under the same roof, you didn't go through with the divorce because of you thinking of the kids. And now have a RO against you.
> 
> Well being forward, l think she now has had enough of your weak and feeble position. You lacked the courage and strength of a man, and choose to not act like one. Now she is, to bad you didn't act and when you posted in 2016 you only posted 3 time then you left. Do you think you can handle the advice or are you just venting?
> 
> ...


She has been paying for half of the expenses. Is back with the court. Kids are old enough to make their choices. I need advice if anyone has experience how to get back into the house after an order of protection that she put on me. My son and I caught her with her boyfriend in our house. She falsely made claim that I choked her . My son witnessed The whole thing. Now she made claim to her attorney that my son wasn’t there. There was a police report. Unable to get as indicated as on going investigation. I have asked my lawyer to get a copy. Looking for Additional suggestions and advice from someone that have gone through this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Poff36 said:


> Have a lawyers. Cheating don’t mean anything in this state. She could post that she done it with the football team


But false accusations are a different kettle of fish.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Poff36 said:
> 
> 
> > Have a lawyers. Cheating don’t mean anything in this state. She could post that she done it with the football team
> ...


👍


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I don't have any idea of POs work. The little information I have been privy to is that a person needs some kind of proof. I don't know if that's true. I'm just thinking everybody can make false claims. Doesn't the court have any requirements? Or do they just grant POs upon request? Police reports can't always be proof because the police don't see anything. They can only take the information the person gives them. So I don't get how they work.

I know that the initial PO is temporary and then a court date is scheduled for whether or not to make it permanent. Is her order against you temporary or permanent? If it's temporary, then there's a court date set, right? Does your attorney plan to go to court to fight it with your son as a witness?

I know also that at the time of the hearing, you can request the opportunity to go into the home to collect your belongings or to have her set them outside or in the garage or somewhere for you to them pick up. Sometimes, they will tell her not to be at home so you can enter. Sometimes, they will give the person a police escort so they go to the home to get their things.

Or are you asking for advice to be able to move back into your home? If so, I can't imagine that would be possible because all she has to say is she doesn't feel safe with you there. And besides, only your attorney would be able to advise you regarding that.

But, I wouldn't understand you wanting to be able to move back in, at least not with her living there also. The more you and she are exposed to each other, the greater the likelihood something will happen. Either something truly will happen or she will be able to claim that something happened whether it's true or not. There's usually too much animosity between a divorcing couple for either of them to chance daily contact. You shouldn't even want to expose yourself to that. You're saying right now that she has lied on you. Why would you want to give her more opportunities to lie on you? Doesn't really make sense when you think about it.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Poff36 said:


> She has been paying for half of the expenses. Is back with the court. Kids are old enough to make their choices. I need advice if anyone has experience how to get back into the house after an order of protection that she put on me. My son and I caught her with her boyfriend in our house. She falsely made claim that I choked her . My son witnessed The whole thing. Now she made claim to her attorney that my son wasn’t there. There was a police report. Unable to get as indicated as on going investigation. I have asked my lawyer to get a copy. Looking for Additional suggestions and advice from someone that have gone through this.


Gotcha, Lawyer up yesterday do you know if and when you get a RO against you. You surrendered the rights to your firearms means you can not have any, and if your wife goes to a womans crisis center after the fact of a police report. Can get a RO approved fairly easy. No forget getting back in the house right now, it would not be a good thing your wife had been asking for the divorce for years and you been too much of a nice guy. And the legal ramifications should have you more worried than anything.

Again your son may have to testify against his mom, and that may work or not because he is underage, and the thing with your wife and by your words called him her boyfriend had this been going on so long that you already knew? And do you know who he is?


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## GodInyou (Oct 9, 2019)

Children are everything for us !


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

GodInyou said:


> Children are everything for us !


So what you are thinking is, it's ok for the spouse to cheat when the kids are small, and at that time your wife asks for a divorce you don't give it to her, years past by someone filed but no one finishes the divorce so it's rugswept. Then three years ago still living together she still wants to divorce, but don't want her money to help the family so H takes her to Court to force her to cough up some money. Present day and H and son catch mommy doing it, this imprint is going to affect the teens but your trying to do for the children sake let's stay together screw up the kids mentally and possibly scar their minds forever is ok as long as you do for the kids. Give me a break if this happen to you and you think it's normal? It's not

Sorry for the threadjack....


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

please tell me the children can see through her evil plan right?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Poff36 said:


> She has been paying for half of the expenses. Is back with the court. Kids are old enough to make their choices. I need advice if anyone has experience how to get back into the house after an order of protection that she put on me. My son and I caught her with her boyfriend in our house. She falsely made claim that I choked her . My son witnessed The whole thing. Now she made claim to her attorney that my son wasn’t there. There was a police report. Unable to get as indicated as on going investigation. I have asked my lawyer to get a copy. Looking for Additional suggestions and advice from someone that have gone through this.


*Each states laws and judicial rules of procedure vary significantly!

Your very well thought out questions need to be asked of a trusted and accomplished family attorney!*


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

StarFires said:


> I don't have any idea of POs work. The little information I have been privy to is that a person needs some kind of proof. I don't know if that's true. I'm just thinking everybody can make false claims. Doesn't the court have any requirements? Or do they just grant POs upon request? Police reports can't always be proof because the police don't see anything. They can only take the information the person gives them. So I don't get how they work.
> 
> I know that the initial PO is temporary and then a court date is scheduled for whether or not to make it permanent. Is her order against you temporary or permanent? If it's temporary, then there's a court date set, right? Does your attorney plan to go to court to fight it with your son as a witness?
> 
> ...


Thanks for the insight. She can keep her order of protection. She can move out. The kids want to be with me and us afraid of her boyfriend coming around. I am sure he has been in the house several times. I didn’t do anything wrong and I m the one being asked to leave. She bought her boyfriend into our house where our children live. My son was there when we caught them together. Why should she stay at the house. This law is not equal. when is come to a divorce. She should move out. Maybe someone here have experience on what should I do on the next court date. I believe the case is being transfer to IDV because of her false accusation. I will be fighting for child custody.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Tilted 1 said:


> Poff36 said:
> 
> 
> > She has been paying for half of the expenses. Is back with the court. Kids are old enough to make their choices. I need advice if anyone has experience how to get back into the house after an order of protection that she put on me. My son and I caught her with her boyfriend in our house. She falsely made claim that I choked her . My son witnessed The whole thing. Now she made claim to her attorney that my son wasn’t there. There was a police report. Unable to get as indicated as on going investigation. I have asked my lawyer to get a copy. Looking for Additional suggestions and advice from someone that have gone through this.
> ...


No firearms. BS claim. My son is 16 he is old enough to testify. My attorney has indicated when divorce is settled everything is settle including the false charges


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

GodInyou said:


> Children are everything for us !


Agree. She shouldn’t have or the boyfriend use the house where the children live. Go to a hotel. Into the woods like animals that they are. If this was the Middle East she be stoned and the boyfriend be castrated.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Lostinthought61 said:


> please tell me the children can see through her evil plan right?


Children are aware and see through her lies. Especially My son that is very upset.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Poff36 said:


> Children are aware and see through her lies. Especially My son that is very upset.


So then are you going for the divorce?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Poff36 said:


> No firearms. BS claim. My son is 16 he is old enough to testify. My attorney has indicated when divorce is settled everything is settle including the false charges


This is not true, not at all. You need a new lawyer. The way to deal with the False charges are for the YOUR LAWYER to fight it in court NOW, have a hearing asap and get it thrown out... 

The divorce is separate and can be affected by the RO but that is down the road. 

If what you are saying is what your lawyer told you, your lawyer is a fool, you need a new one...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You're very upset, and that is understandable. But I think you're going to need something more concrete than her having a boyfriend around. You also can't say the kids are afraid of him unless he has done or said something that gives them reason to fear him. In your divorce, you can attempt to have her agree to not exposing the children to other men for X amount of time. I've heard of that happening. But that she's already done it is no offense against her, and your anger is also no offense.

In fact, your anger could quite possibly get you in a world of high cost and expenses. I understand how upsetting it must be that the system is or seems unfair to men, but that's just kind of the way it is. Nevertheless, lawyers, themselves, very often take advantage of men and their anger by making them believe they have more of an advantage and more hope for a positive outcome in their favor, when, in reality, they have little if any chance at all. So the angrier you are, the more you are willing to fight for. The more you fight for and the longer it drags on, the more your attorney will be charging you.

Yes, of course, you have every right to fight for custody. But you won't likely get it. You haven't provided us with any reason for you to think or hope that you will get custody. That she has/had her boyfriend around the kids is no reason for the court to take them away from her. And besides, I'm not really sure what people are thinking when they say that anyway because you're both going to get some iteration of shared custody. Fighting for "custody" doesn't mean you get to take them away from her. You're both going to have the kids part-time, and she will more than likely get physical/primary custody. So the most you could hope for is 50/50 joint custody, where you share half time visitation and you also get to take part in decision making regarding them.

Yes, of course, you have every right to fight for the house. But you won't likely get it. She will likely get physical custody, and that means she gets the house as the children's primary residence. There are more and worse things she will have to do than those you have shared with us for the judge feel prompted to give you primary custody and the house. Or, depending on both your incomes, the judge might decide the house must be sold and the two of you split the proceeds from the sale.

I can't help much with your questions about the PO, but I wanted to suggest you quell your anger because you're going to have to accept the probability of a more realistic outcome. The angrier you are, the more you're going to hope for and go after, and your attorney will keep making you think it's all possible even if it isn't.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

*Dad's Divorce*
8 Tips To Help Dads Prepare For A Custody Battle

*Dad's Divorce*
10 Behaviors That Could Sabotage Your Custody Battle
(It appears having her boyfriend around could be used against her)

I hope you find these sites helpful.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Poff36 said:


> Children are aware and see through her lies. Especially My son that is very upset.


then you should have her arrest for falsity a charge


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Tilted 1 said:


> Poff36 said:
> 
> 
> > Children are aware and see through her lies. Especially My son that is very upset.
> ...


YES.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

BluesPower said:


> Poff36 said:
> 
> 
> > No firearms. BS claim. My son is 16 he is old enough to testify. My attorney has indicated when divorce is settled everything is settle including the false charges
> ...


Why? I have a lawyer for divorce and another for the misdemeanor .


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Poff36 said:
> 
> 
> > Children are aware and see through her lies. Especially My son that is very upset.
> ...


Prosecuting attorney does not cross prosecute same case. If there is a way, let me know.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

StarFires said:


> You're very upset, and that is understandable. But I think you're going to need something more concrete than her having a boyfriend around. You also can't say the kids are afraid of him unless he has done or said something that gives them reason to fear him. In your divorce, you can attempt to have her agree to not exposing the children to other men for X amount of time. I've heard of that happening. But that she's already done it is no offense against her, and your anger is also no offense.
> 
> In fact, your anger could quite possibly get you in a world of high cost and expenses. I understand how upsetting it must be that the system is or seems unfair to men, but that's just kind of the way it is. Nevertheless, lawyers, themselves, very often take advantage of men and their anger by making them believe they have more of an advantage and more hope for a positive outcome in their favor, when, in reality, they have little if any chance at all. So the angrier you are, the more you are willing to fight for. The more you fight for and the longer it drags on, the more your attorney will be charging you.
> 
> ...


Of coarse I am angry. The kids are at adult age where they can choose. Is already a fight not by my choice. I m defending myself. Kids already see what type of person she really is.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Poff36 It would be worth thinking of changing the locks. But only after you lost the keys and had to have new locks fitted, obviously.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Have your attorney who is handling the PO file NOW -- try to get that cleared so it can't be part of the divorce process. You STBXW will use it for custody/support and alimony.

Also, make selling the current house SHE is staying at part of the divorce. She can go find her own place to live.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Poff36 said:


> Prosecuting attorney does not cross prosecute same case. If there is a way, let me know.


That maybe true but, after you get the RO taken out, and you go to court and she falsely lies of this occurrence, a police report and the police knowing what happened you can. Sopena them and your lawyer will use this against her so will the judge unspoken of course. So he'll your lawyer will recommend a civil suit against your lying cheating wife.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Poff36, 

I am not sure where you are in the process, but here's roughly how it goes on a protective order/restraining order. 

1) Partner A goes before a judge and claims they are afraid of Partner B. That's ALL they have to claim, and the judge will usually offer a TEMPORARY order. A temporary order usually means that Partner B can not be within __ hundred yards of Partner A, and can not contact Partner A or they are breaking the order. Soooo...Partner B essentially is escorted to the home by the police, can gather items one time (like pack luggage), and they are escorted out. After that, Partner B is out of the house and living elsewhere and can not contact Partner A in any way (in person, letter, email, text, phone call, nothing). 

2)A date is scheduled to review the evidence of the PO/RO, to determine if it should be made PERMANENT. The court date is usually about two or three weeks away, so for the two or three weeks, Partner B gets a long-term hotel room, lives on a buddy's couch, moves in with his/her parents, etc. During that time Partner B is FORBIDDEN from contacting Parter A, and at the same time, Partner A is also forbidden from contacting Partner B. They MUST be apart. 

If you had a temporary order served against you, contact the police so you can go pack your luggage, pack and move to a hotel or in with family, and it is TEMPORARY. Put up with it, and DO NOT CONTACT HER!!! If she contacts you, document it by recording it, by saving a copy of the letter or email (if it's something written), or at minimum by writing it on your daily calendar! This will prove that she was not really "afraid" of you, and will turn this temporary order around!

3) On the court date for making the order permanent, show up and bring your lawyer. You want to show all the evidence you can that you obeyed the order (even though it was inconvenient), that you are calm and non-violent, and that she is not afraid of you. Evidence is not "I feel like..." or "But your honor, I remember this or that..." because then it's just your word against hers. Evidence is a document. If you can print an email she sends you AFTER claiming this order...print it and it is a document. If you can write in your calendar all the times SHE contacted YOU and you ignored her...print it and it is a document. Make sense? You obey the order because the court told you to do it, and as much as you can, you show the court proof of how she did not obey her own order.


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## Poff36 (Dec 30, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> @Poff36,
> 
> I am not sure where you are in the process, but here's roughly how it goes on a protective order/restraining order.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the information. I am told the matter including the divorce will be move to IDV (INTEGRATED DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE COURTS). Any experience or information you can offer.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Poff36 said:


> Thank you for the information. I am told the matter including the divorce will be move to IDV (INTEGRATED DOMESTIC
> VIOLENCE COURTS). Any experience or information you can offer.


This is not good at all! You need to get your lawyer on the fast track and get this RO removed, pronto this is the first thing you need to do, if they keep it it goes to your job record's and in everything you do from this point forward. You need a better lawyer. Now


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Poff36 -- any luck with getting your lawyer to move on getting the RO removed? THAT is your first priority or she WILL be using that in the divorce to get YOU worse terms.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

this is not about protecting her this is now all about protecting you, put away all the white knight belief about this marriage, and seriously time to take out all the guns (metaphorically speaking) and get her charged for falsifying her accusation or you could lose everything.


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