# straight to divorce



## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

Hi everybody,

I have been married for 11.5 years and have 3 wonderful boys. a 3 year old, a 4 year old and a 11 year old. My wife was dropped off from going to the bars by another man to my house. I tried to talk to her and she refused to talk to me about it. the next morning I tried talking to her and she was numb, nothing. that afternoon she came home from the gym and announced to me that she wanted a divorce. I followed her to the bathroom and tried to tell her what ever has happened we can get over it and go to counseling. she proceeded to tell me to get the F out of the house and there will not be any counseling. This was 7 weeks ago. two days after that she filed for divorce. I have tried talking to her, sent many emails but nothing. she drops off the kids to me on the weekends so she can go out the the clubs and bars. I have tried almost everything I can think of to stop this and she will not listen to a word I have to say. I have tried telling her that we need to try to fix this for the family or at least try. I have court on Wednesday to start the real divorce process. we could not come up with a good negotiation with our lawyers. she wants almost all of my paycheck and leave me with about a grand to live off of. My world has been turned upside down and inside out. I am still in total disbelief that she would not even consider counseling and would take it this far. I have been nothing but a good husband and a good father to my children. She is the love of my life and I do not want this to happen. is there any advice i can get from anybody to convince her that counseling might work. I am so at a loss right now and she is out having a blast. FML


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Get a lawyer ASAP and protect your self. 
I suggest you drag this thing out as long as possible and move back in. Why in the hell did you leave in the first place. She cheats and you leave.. doesn't make sense so man up and you have every right to be in that home. until court ordered to.

So stay calm and bring a wittness even the cops but you have every right to be in the home especially if there is no order.

It will be tough so carry a voice activated recorder and stay away from her. You don't want her calling the cops. You can do this just be smart and get back in the house.

Contest the divorce and show up to the supina. Start educating your self with the laws of your state.

Man stop laying down. its been 7 weeks and she has you by the balls. I know your hurting but your hurting your self by laying down.

Please get some control of your self and protect your self. stop being a nice guy by letting her walk all over you.

You are so worried about her and begging and pleading your loosing your self. come on man get it together.

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.

Get some confidence that you are in the right and show some strength for the kids sake. 

God knows you want to give up become homeless and drink your self to death, but you have kids to tend to and f*ck that week end sh*t If you watch them you watch them at the maritial home.

Please stop begging you can't control your wife so stop tring start taking care of your self and do the things that will make you better. Your wife may see this change and find you attractive, but for know do it for your self and get back in the home.

It sound like your wife is an alcholic and not be the best person to have the kids. She could be involved with a sicko and put your kids in harms way, especially young boys. You have to much to lose so fight and fight smart.Educate your self before you make another boned head dicision like moving out.

Sorry for being harsh but something tells me you need a kick in the butt so you can start thinking about whats best for you and stop worrying about a cheating wife who could carealess about her boys ...but only care about her boytoys.

When my wife was dropped off from the bars (twice) and when she was followed home(4 times) I'll tell you one thing there was no way in hell I was going to let my daughter be subjected to my cheating wifes behavior so take care of this sh*t. 

Granted my cheating wife did go out and file ASAP like yours, but 7 weeks was way to long to beg and plead and sit by and watch your cheating wife tear you apart. So change it and protect you, better you and focus on you.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Sorry - fell asleep on my phone and posted blank message. Hopefully your lawyer sorts this out. Areyou going to try for custody of the kids?


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

I did get a lawyer the first week after she left. I had to leave the house to go to work. 2 days later when I arrived back into town she had already moved out with the kids. So I am in the house as we speak and have been since. I want the kids to be with me so when she asks for me to take the boys I do not hesitate to say yes. 

One of my big issues at the moment is she was a stay at home mother and wants a huge sum of money. I think this is unfair due to the fact that she is the one who deserted the home. I tried going to a property settlement meeting between lawyers but she would not budge on her large sum of money so on Wednesday we start court.

I feel so lost at the moment. I thought this was never suposta happen. 

I never saw it coming just a bam and done no counseling no nothing, not even for the kids.

I have gotten back into a hobby of mine. mushroom pick'n the Morels are out where I am at so that bides my time at the moment.

I only wished things were different.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Why not go for custody of your children? She sounds like an unfit mother. Keep a record documenting how irresponsible she is--especially if she has turned out to be an alcoholic.


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

I am going to try to get the boys. the only problem that I have is i have a job that makes me travel. I am in the process of finding a new job so I can get custody of the boys. It is a shame I am going to loose everything I have and she could give to two craps about it. this is absolute BS and i is driving me crazy. I am now of to pick some mushrooms. Until later.

B Mushroom


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Don't give her any money obviously.

I assume she's living with a new guy?

File for custody.


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

Go to dadsdivorce.com and follow "The List".


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

I did go to dadsdivorce and printed out the list. She is living at her mothers house at the moment and the funny thing is that her mother is in no way shape or form wanting us to figure it out. F it I guess I am done. She is done. Why divorce beats the hell out of me but 1 thing is for certain. I am a good man and great father and when she hits rock bottom I might not be there anymore. I have to move on but the run away wife thing leaves me with a ton of unanswered questions. this just sucks sludge with a tiny straw. I am a whole 33 years old and thought the world of my wife and family. We had the Ward and June Cleaver type of life, now it is shattered and she will not stop for nothing. that really pisses me off (sorry about that) but it does. Her married friends tell her she is crazy and her divorce friends tell her never turn back. I know she has had some second thoughts but her mother and 2 divorced friends with no kids persuaded her on more than one occasion. My oldest was telling me that she was crying and said that she really doesn't want this and her mother and two divorced friends started telling how much life is going to be better with out me. 

I call BS on that because we have 2 small boys and 1 11 year old who is starting to change into a man. He talks to me about what he wants but he is scared to talk to his mother because she yelled at him for asking questions about why she wouldn't work with me to fix this.

Sorry to ramble but this whole situation has me on the fence post. I want to be mean and nasty but on the other side I do not want to crush any chance to put everything back together. call me naive, a sucker, a wimp, or what ever. I call myself a man. A man who would do just about anything to get this women back. But so far I get nothing from her. 

When I see her I ask her simple questions and those are even hard for her to answer to me. we use to be so open to each other and now the door has slammed shut for no good reason. This is killing me and the job market in Rich, va sucks so finding a job clos to what I make is going to be really tough. I have been banging out resumes and getting no calls. that makes me feel pretty bad too.

b mushroom


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

'this just sucks sludge with a tiny straw.'

I love this line, and I'm going to use it. I wish I had advice for you, but I am feeling pretty low today and have nothing. I hope you have a good day =)


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## ddindiana (May 24, 2010)

The reason her divorced friends are saying that life is gonna be so much better is, because there life is horrible and they see your wifes life so great and they want your wifes life to be as horrible as there's. Hang in there mushroom it is a rollercoaster ride, but it does get better.


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## peace (Jan 19, 2011)

827Aug said:


> Why not go for custody of your children? She sounds like an unfit mother. Keep a record documenting how irresponsible she is--especially if she has turned out to be an alcoholic.


Keeping a log on the times she leaves and comes home help to prove that she is an unfit mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry for being so harsh, on your 1st post it sound like she through you and and you let her so it pissed me off.

But since she split and "stoled" the kids from you I'm even more pissed. 

With your employment sitch. i wish I could tell you to go to court and get a order to get the kids back in *there* home so then can get back to the school district that they grew up in, but I can't.

Are the kids even going to school?
When will the oldest turn 12, he then can choose which parent? Not that it matters.

Man the only thing I can say is have hope in that when it comes to the kids you can always go back to court when you stop traveling, and find a better job for your curcumstance.

It's ****ty to say but if you quit your job.. wife would get 100% of nothing. 

the best thing I can recommend is stay busy with your mushrooms and research with regardts to why spouses do this. I think if you get some books that address this run a way wife thing and stay in this forum you can at the very least get your own answers as to why she....no, why other are doing what she is doing. It may help in at the very least give you a generalization on this crap.

I think what really sucks is that she is moved out and there is no way to keep track of her. Even though its best to stay as far away from her as possible and have little contact with her. I can see how nuts it can be with out some answers. Hiring a PI may not give you the "whys" you seek but maybe show you what she is up to now.

You really don't know the OM that has also influenced her bad judgement. Or her new habits what kind of exposure are the kids being influenced by. Exactly how much is she drinking. Is she popping into the liquor store after she drops the kids off at school. Is she coming out of the crack house to Pick the kids up from school

Since you do alot of traveling you have no clear markers as to what lead to this drastic change. I quess like you said there are so many unanswered question I would need to start some were by getting the missing pieces by having her investigated.

So hire someone that will do the talking for her, get those answer some how even if it generaly gives you some understanding in what is going on.

For me I went back a year and made spread sheets that coilated some idea of what my wife was up to. Through bank and CC statements, pay stubs, cell logs and my general memory i was able to see a general pattern in my wifes behavior. the amount of booze she was buying at markets and the clubs she going to, if not the clubs but at least the area she used here atm at and the times she used it.

IDK for me it helped me get something with regards to answers. It was interesting to see when she was really at work versus the times she was out playing and told me she was at work. Where she hung out at in the summer and things of that nature. For me it was something I needed answers when I asked my self "were the hell was I when my wife did....."

See I got so involved with my carreer my wife slept with 20 guys in the last 13 years (been married for 20) and i to needed answers. There are things that i had to admit to and it made it easier for me to understand. Thats just me, I'm not justifing her cheating as much as I am answering the why she even put her self in that enviorment in the 1st place so many years ago. 

Main point is you may have to find your own answers, even if it's a general answer as to why people do the things they do. If you do find alot of info about her boyfriend please do not do anything dumb remember you have 3 boys that need you more then ever. Even though they are not living with you now they still have hope that dad will *always* be there.


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

THe Guy,

you have some good info there but I think she is gone and I have to let her fall on her face so she can realize what she has caused. I have promised myself today that I will not call her, text her, or email her any more. The only thing that sucks is contacting my little ones. This is where the 180 sucks but when my oldest is around I can call his phone and get them on to talk to me. You know she is not a drunk, this behavior is all of a sudden and her nut job psycho devorved friends that do not have custody of their kids. My STBX knew i thought they were a threat and I really did not like them at my home. to tell you the honest truth. Has she slept with anybody IDK and IDC. if it has happened then so be it. i can not control her at this point and a PI is going to cost out the but. I need to save my money for court instead and find that good job in the sky where I go into work in the morning and come out in the evening. I did find some good mushrooms today (Blonde MORELS)I am going to grill them up here in a few with some herb cheese. Yummy 

but on a serious note: I have to say my head s so wrapped around her and all i want to do is text, call, or email. I am sure that as the days go by and time flys by the urge will go away. I just hope the love doesn't for if and when she does want me to come back to her. I doubt it since her mother is all in our relationship and is backing her 150%. this is sad, that she would not want her daughter to fix this crazy mess that she created.

no phone calls no texts nada. just me and the boys.

B mushroom


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

Well today I decided to take a leap of faith and paid for some divorce coaching and bought a book called The Divorce Remedy. Both have been very helpful to me and my situation so far and I hope stuff improves. I still have not heard from my STBx about a proposal i gave her yesterday morning. I have resisted the temptation of calling her or having any communication with her. Dang its hard but if it will help I am all for it. I really want this to work but I think the cross examination at court on Wednesday is going to kill all chances i have to getting back with her. We will see and time can only tell. 

I am only going to be nice to her when I see her and and be positive about everything. maybe she will turn towards me maybe not...


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

Easter today was rough. I didn't get to see my boys come downstairs and see what the easter bunny brought. I went to our church but the STBx did not go. I cried 4 times during easter service. Today was a really low spot in my situation. Christmas is going to be a *****


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