# What to do?



## BrokenheartedMan1 (Oct 30, 2011)

My wife and I have been seperated for a almost a year. Up until reI believecently we were messeging each other always. In Jan of 2011 we got together and talked. I was left with the impression that WE would work things out. Less than 2 weeks lator she met some guy off of CraigsList. She said HE has asked her to marry him 3 or 4 times. In June of 2011 she lost her job and by mid-month he had moved in with her and my kids (18 and 16). In July she called and asked for a divorce. It has been 3 or 4 months and there is NO DIVORCE PAPERS. I don't really believe she wants one. DO YOU? If HE wants to marry her so bad would HE not offer to pay for a divorce?
For me DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. I have admitted to her that I am still in LOVE with HER, and I am, I DO, and always will be.
I still have hope in US and I believe in the vows WE took 18 years ago. Is she playing me? Is she just testing me to see if I REALLY DO STILL LOVE HER?
I talked to GOD about this and "WE" know "WE" must be patient and wait on him, but I still can not help but to wonder.
ANY ADVICE? SUGGESTIONS?
I REALLY DO LOVE HER, my kids, and US. If I can not have my family back I have asked GOD to take out of this world for I HAVE NOTHING.........


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

BrokenheartedMan1 said:


> I REALLY DO LOVE HER, my kids, and US. If I can not have my family back I have asked GOD to take out of this world for I HAVE NOTHING.........


Have you gotten counselling for yourself? You sound very depressed, which is normal. But asking God to take you out of this world is a sign that you need to talk to a professional IMO. I mean this with kindness. Counseling has really helped me. I wish you the best.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

BrokenheartedMan1 said:


> For me DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. I have admitted to her that I am still in LOVE with HER, and I am, I DO, and always will be.


This is your weakness and she is using it against you. You have giving her NO motivation to do anything because you basically told her you are happy to be in limbo and her backup plan. You are enabling her affair by being a safety net.

You want to wake her up? Have her served with divorce papers (you don't actually have to go through with a divorce). You'll earn some respect by standing up for yourself (who in the right mind would do nothing while their wife cheats on them?). 

You can't "nice" her back, only tough love works so you have to do a 180 and move forward with a divorce and see if she tries to stop you. If you wait on her, you'll end up looking like a sap.

The best way to stop a divorce is to agree with one. They expect you to fight it and when you don't it makes them second guess themselves.

At the end of the day, you need to accept the fact that you may be getting a divorce whether you like it or not. You can't fight reality so don't try. At least you can have it on YOUR terms and get some on your dignity back.


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## kekel1123 (Aug 17, 2011)

BrokenheartedMan1 said:


> My wife and I have been seperated for a almost a year. Up until reI believecently we were messeging each other always. In Jan of 2011 we got together and talked. I was left with the impression that WE would work things out. Less than 2 weeks lator she met some guy off of CraigsList. She said HE has asked her to marry him 3 or 4 times. In June of 2011 she lost her job and by mid-month he had moved in with her and my kids (18 and 16). In July she called and asked for a divorce. It has been 3 or 4 months and there is NO DIVORCE PAPERS. I don't really believe she wants one. DO YOU? If HE wants to marry her so bad would HE not offer to pay for a divorce?
> For me DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. I have admitted to her that I am still in LOVE with HER, and I am, I DO, and always will be.
> I still have hope in US and I believe in the vows WE took 18 years ago. Is she playing me? Is she just testing me to see if I REALLY DO STILL LOVE HER?
> I talked to GOD about this and "WE" know "WE" must be patient and wait on him, but I still can not help but to wonder.
> ...


I can feel you MAN! That's what Im into right now. Wife is adamant. I did what you have done. (begging, crying). Now Im doing the 180 then all of a sudden she said she will not file for D but at home it will be her terms. I know I have faults and mistakes in the past, but I dont want to live in the past anymore, mistakes are made , and I am changing my self for a betetr me. I think she saw some changes , that's why she is having a change of heart.Aside from the 180, I did read some books, (mostly by Gary Chapmann) and watch the movie Fireproof which helped me a lot. I've never been so prayerfull and closer to GOD in my entire life as of this moment. She has given me timeframe for the filing of divorce and I told her I cant force her not to file and why the time frame, she can file today, tomorrow , but what's with time frame? I think its just a type of her manipulating our marriage. But thanks GOD, her fog is getting brighter and she might be coming with a realization. We have one kid and my kid loves me so much as i have spent more time with her more than my wife. All i am doing is just continue the 180 (except where the kids are involved, thats what i got as an advice from fellow TAM users), change for the better you, and leave everything to the LORD.As what they say, just go with the flow for now....


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

One thing you guys need to understand is that's in not your fault. No matter how you acted in the relationship, they did not cheat because of anything you did, something is wrong with them. They want to blame you for their mistakes but in the end, they choose a path that they knew was wrong regardless of what you did.

Also understand that they did something wrong and it does overshadow anything you may have done, if anything. Ask yourself why are you making so many amends to your issues and they are not doing anything for what they did? 

You didn't deserve to be cheated on and they DO NOT deserve to be forgiving or giving a second chance without earning it. If you don't make them earn it you will never reconcile. They only way you can successfully reconcile is if they come crawling back, begging and that won't happen until you pretty much have giving up on them.


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