# What I beleive to be my wife's fading sex drive



## davisbear50 (Apr 27, 2010)

I am a 35 year old man who has been married for 7 years now. I still love my wife but am having a really difficult time with what I believe to be her fading sex drive. During the past two years, I have made several attempts to let her know that I was unhappy with this aspect of our relationship and it has always help for a brief period but we always end up back to where we were. I have purchased books and read literature on the internet about how to cope and/or fix this problem but have found nothing really helps long term. To top it all off, the past few times we've had sex, I feel as if she is just laying there. I really don't know what to do an I am desperate. It seems as if my sex drive has been on the incline since I turned 16 and hers is on the decline as she gets older. She has orgasms when we have sex but just really doesn't seem that into it. ( if that makes any sense)


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## misslady (Mar 17, 2010)

Well there are alot of things that contribute to this. I have this problem, but for me my husband is to relaxed to me. I know a man should be comfortable in his own home, but some bad habits shouldn't be done in front of your wife. That makes me unattracted to him. When women have alot to do sex is the last thing on their minds. Sometimes if you dwell on it, it makes the situation harder for the woman because it's another thing she has to worry about. Have you asked her is she still attracted to you, has she had her hormones checked? My husband and I have been married for 7yrs and have the same problems, but he doesnt understand his bad habits turn me off. (ex. picking your nose, hands in your pants) If she is doing things to try and figure out what the problems is then you should be patient. For me i have a medical condition that the doctors cant seem to figure out, but the things he does not help at all.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Read around the forum DB, more often thatn not it has something to do with you not meeting her emotional needs. She doen't feel like putting out because she doesn't feel you are putting out.

Not saying this is for certain your case, but it seems the greater percentage of time that this is involved to a great extent. Heck, she may not even realize that it is...may just be self concious at this point as it may have developed quitely over the years.


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## Chowderhead (Apr 27, 2010)

davisBear, can you provide a few more basics about your situation at home?

Do both of you work? If so, how much?
Do you have kids? How old?

These are the things that any crisis worker or professional counselor would ask you immediately just to get a sense of the home environment.

I'll contribute several ideas which might or might not be helpful.

#1, as you've probably read elsewhere, most people need to be somewhat relaxed and open to sensations to have sex, and the stress of working/caring for kids/etc can really interfere with that. Does your partner have any downtime away from such stresses? even away from you?

#2 I've found personally that the "why don't we have sex more?" discussion is itself a real turnoff for my partner. It just creates this obligation which is another stress for an already- stressed person. And when sex does occur that means it's a really big deal (with big expectations, which makes it an emotionally stressful event).

#3 But paradoxically one way to get over all this stress and expectations is just to have sex more, so it's NOT such a big deal. "You've got to do it a lot to do it a lot" someone quipped once. My partner and I found our attitudes towards sex changed when we kind of committed to doing it EVERY DAY for a while. (I believe there are several books out there about people who've done this... I haven't read them, but try this link http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/fashion/08nights.html ) Rather unbelievably, I found that occasionally it was me that wanted a night off!

Those are a few random ideas, but there's a level of despair in your question that makes me think you should see a counselor together rather than just relying on forums like these. If it's really important to you, there's probably a sex-positive professional out there that can help. 

Godspeed!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

davisbear50 said:


> She has orgasms when we have sex . . .


I don't think men should say things they cannot really know.




davisbear50 said:


> During the past two years, I have made several attempts to let her know that I was unhappy with this aspect of our relationship . . .
> 
> . . . but just really doesn't seem that into it. ( if that makes any sense)


Are you really telling us you complain that your wife is not that into it?

You need to check yourself. The problem is not her.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Susan2010 said:


> I don't think men should say things they cannot really know.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


yet you are making conclusions such as, its all his fault, with virtually nothing to go on......gender protection just isnt very helpful

i agree with the above statement, this site is full of this very issue


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