# WW spouse's mixed emotions at son's graduation - what does it mean?



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

My son's graduation from high school was a few weeks ago - and my former spouse was there - with a mini skirt up to upper thigh and when she saw me (after not seeing me for 3 months) she walks up to me and smiles and says "what are you doing standing here alone Mister?" like nothing ever happened. I was taken aback by her boldness and lack of remorse. Then I walked away from her and looked back and she was crying - I didn't know what to do (because I heard she was hiking with the other man the day previously). Then I was walking out the door she same over and said "you are invited to my place for champagne." "I said thanks for the invitation." to which she said "No you don't understand please come over." I said again "thanks for the invitation". The moments still bother me .....do you think she was genuinely sorry and misses me or was she jut putting on a show??? i didn't trust it given the other man is still in the picture....


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

You did excellent. 

Looks like she's still throwing you scraps in an attempt to keep you as a backup in case the hiking OM doesn't work out.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

She just needed another male to fill her free time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You did good bro. Don't second guess yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

You did right, now all you have to do is look forward in life and stop worrying about a lost cause.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Reading your post, it seems obvious you called it right. She wants you to be the backup plan or get her old life back & cake eat.

But the fact that you did stop & wonder & ask "Is she genuine?" goes to show how well so many WS's act & lie. And are happy to prey on your good morals as a weakness.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Run -- don't walk -- away from this drama queen. 

(I give her props for showing up though. My ex chose a business trip over attending my son's middle school graduation.)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You exceeded expectations. Very well dome.

She was trying to prove she could still manipulate you. She failed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> My son's graduation from high school was a few weeks ago - and my former spouse was there - *with a mini skirt up to upper thigh and when she saw me (after not seeing me for 3 months) she walks up to me and smiles and says "what are you doing standing here alone Mister?"* like nothing ever happened. I was taken aback by her boldness and lack of remorse. Then I walked away from her and looked back and she was crying - I didn't know what to do (because I heard she was hiking with the other man the day previously). Then I was walking out the door she same over and said "*you are invited to my place for champagne*." "I said thanks for the invitation." to which she said "No you don't understand *please come over*." I said again "thanks for the invitation". The moments still bother me .....do you think she was genuinely sorry and misses me or was she jut putting on a show??? i didn't trust it given the other man is still in the picture....


Obvious attempt at manipulation. She dressed that way for a reason, complete with a seductive invite. Only two reasons for that:


Keep you on hook as a back up plan
Ego boost for her because she expected you to fall for it so that she knows she still got control over you

I echo everyone else in saying you did well. It wasn't easy not giving her the validation she was expecting from you. I hope your son wasn't too embarassed by his mom dressing like that at his once in lifetime high school graduation.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

LOL... You are now the OM... You're a lot more exciting now. Plus you acted like you didn't give a crap. That turned her on better than all the game tips a womanizer could ever give you. 

If she gets the chance i'm betting she will make overt sexual moves on you. Get the hell away from that emotional vampire.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> .on Monday she told me she was moving out, she left leaving me and my 17year old son alone..i asked her if id ever see her again and she said yes at weddings funerals and graduations.....


Quoted from your first post

more from some of your older posts



> Then I also found out there was stuff I left behind when I moved out and she didnt call me about it she coldly went to a mutual friend and dropped it off with them....after I knew her for 30 years...it makes no sense at all.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Yes, she wanted at least validation of you still missing her. Then she'd have a fine topic to discuss with her female friends on how her ex still can't get over her.

Oh well she now has to figure something else to chat about.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> My son's graduation from high school was a few weeks ago - and my former spouse was there - with a mini skirt up to upper thigh and when she saw me (after not seeing me for 3 months) she walks up to me and smiles and says "what are you doing standing here alone Mister?" like nothing ever happened. I was taken aback by her boldness and lack of remorse. Then I walked away from her and looked back and she was crying - I didn't know what to do (because I heard she was hiking with the other man the day previously). Then I was walking out the door she same over and said "you are invited to my place for champagne." "I said thanks for the invitation." to which she said "No you don't understand please come over." I said again "thanks for the invitation". The moments still bother me .....do you think she was genuinely sorry and misses me or was she jut putting on a show??? i didn't trust it given the other man is still in the picture....


BT

I have an answer to this question for you:



> The moments still bother me .....do you think she was genuinely sorry and misses me or was she jut putting on a show???


*Who the F cares if she misses you or it was just a show!!!*


Now i put this answer out there and highlighted it for a reason. You will never really know how your ex feels about what she did to you because I do not think the end of your relationship has played out. 

But I will say this, the way she walked out the door, the way she lied to you and your boys, the way she conducted her A by flaunting it out to the world and the way she made you look like an abusive H speaks volumes about your ex.

She is no longer that good person that you were married too for so long. And I honestly believe you should have as little to do with her as possible for your sake and your childrens.

And who cares if she is with the OM. That relationship is doomed too!

I would not even speak with her until the day she comes to you on her own and of her own free will and apologizes for what she did to you, your marriag and your family.

And even then I would think long and hard about ever accepting that apology.

Affairs are wrong. Walkaway wives are common. But your wife was directly cruel to you when she did not have to be.

I am glad you walked away and she should have cried a river my man. I doubt she did.

Be strong in life, it suits you.

HM64


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why are you telling us about this now, weeks later?

Sounds like she never followed up or responded to your rejection of her. Is that what has been eating away at you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

snap said:


> Yes, she wanted at least validation of you still missing her. Then she'd have a fine topic to discuss with her female friends on how her ex still can't get over her.
> 
> Oh well she now has to figure something else to chat about.


Yes, now OP, it gives you something to talk about. so you trumped her!!!Hah!


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> My son's graduation from high school was a few weeks ago - and my former spouse was there - with a mini skirt up to upper thigh and when she saw me (after not seeing me for 3 months) she walks up to me and smiles and says "what are you doing standing here alone Mister?" like nothing ever happened. I was taken aback by her boldness and lack of remorse. Then I walked away from her and looked back and she was crying - I didn't know what to do (because I heard she was hiking with the other man the day previously). Then I was walking out the door she same over and said "you are invited to my place for champagne." "I said thanks for the invitation." to which she said "No you don't understand please come over." I said again "thanks for the invitation". The moments still bother me .....do you think she was genuinely sorry and misses me or was she jut putting on a show??? i didn't trust it given the other man is still in the picture....



Bigtone: Hello.

*Probably, those tears were the biggest-ever apology and the deepest-ever remorse you might elicit out of your former spouse. Preserve it in your memory and move on – if you try to pursue it, you might end up in the loser’s corner again.*

*More likely, she was crying for herself – HER loss, her uncertain situation. *And oh, somewhere down the line, YOU were hurt a little too. But that couldn’t be helped, when she was seeking out her own happiness.

*If you were a little less emotional about all these, maybe many here would have even suggested why not go get a booty call, it’s free sex after all. And you would also get to experience the illicit thrill of being the Other Man.*

*But good men such as you can never be THAT detached. So, better not walk down that lane.*


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

she's second guessing everything. 

I think reality is smacking her in the forehead. You're gone and out of her life, her son is graduating and will either soon be off to college or moving on with his life... The two most important men in her life will no longer be there. One, because it's life and a part of growing up and the other was caused by her undoing. 

Her world is starting to get a little more lonely.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Why are you telling us about this now, weeks later?
> 
> Sounds like she never followed up or responded to your rejection of her. Is that what has been eating away at you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not very kind Bandit........I travelled to another province to be at graduation and I was a week getting back and have been working since. I thought people here might have thoughts on it - her actions confused me because she was over the top nice and I questioned whether I should have gone up to at least hear what she had to say. But know better now. I did want her to beg more than she did - she didn't but what has been eating away at me is I am amazed that I still freakin care for her....but when I saw her she wasn't the person I knew - the person I lived with..she was someone I recognized physically but emotionally was a different person. It really confused me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> Not very kind Bandit........I travelled to another province to be at graduation and I was a week getting back and have been working since. I thought people here might have thoughts on it - her actions confused me because she was over the top nice and I questioned whether I should have gone up to at least hear what she had to say. But know better now. I did want her to beg more than she did - she didn't but what has been eating away at me is I am amazed that I still freakin care for her....but when I saw her she wasn't the person I knew - the person I lived with..she was someone I recognized physically but emotionally was a different person. It really confused me.


OF COURSE YOU STILL CARE FOR HER!

Actually, no, you don't. You still care for the woman you married and whom you raised a family with. Sadly she is dead. The woman in the miniskirt? She killed the woman you married.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> BT
> 
> You will never really know how your ex feels about what she did to you because I do not think the end of your relationship has played out.
> 
> HM64


How has it not played out yet?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> How has it not played out yet?


She'll find the OM lacking in some way. Like, oh, maybe he is cheating on her? Or gone back to his wife, etc.

But will that have any meaning to you?

BTW, who the hell turns up to a graduation in a mini skirt?:scratchhead:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> How has it not played out yet?


Because of the fact that you still care about her, and wondering what she was doing. It's understandable, and I went thru the same thing. You haven't reached the stage of INDIFFERENCE. 

Once you reach that stage where you don't care what she does, or her attempts to manipulate you, is when the relationship has played out. It really does take a while to reach that stage, believe me. I won't lie, but it took me a few years after my divorce to reach that stage.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

Seems she's saying "look at what I took from you!" You should have said "I know what I lost when you left, thanks!"


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

costa200 said:


> LOL... *You are now the OM...* You're a lot more exciting now. Plus you acted like you didn't give a crap. That turned her on better than all the game tips a womanizer could ever give you.
> 
> If she gets the chance i'm betting she will make overt sexual moves on you. Get the hell away from that emotional vampire.


DING DING DING ... we have a winner. Yes indeed.

Nicely put sir.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> Not very kind Bandit........I travelled to another province to be at graduation and I was a week getting back and have been working since. I thought people here might have thoughts on it - her actions confused me because she was over the top nice and I questioned whether I should have gone up to at least hear what she had to say. But know better now. I did want her to beg more than she did - she didn't but what has been eating away at me is I am amazed that I still freakin care for her....but when I saw her she wasn't the person I knew - the person I lived with..she was someone I recognized physically but emotionally was a different person. It really confused me.


No good could have come form it. She may have just continued to rub your face in it all for all you know. I mean imagine you going there and the OM is there or a new OM. No you did perfect.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> She'll find the OM lacking in some way. Like, oh, maybe he is cheating on her? Or gone back to his wife, etc.
> 
> But will that have any meaning to you?
> 
> *BTW, who the hell turns up to a graduation in a mini skirt?*:scratchhead:


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Whatever her motive it was a power play. She was flaunting herself in front of him. Pure manipulation. Perhaps she was hoping to meet someone new.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

BT, interesting thread, to me anyway. Perhaps she wants to cheat on OM with you, perhaps she wants to keep you as an option if OM doesn't workout, maybe OM is already cheating on her, possibly it is actual regret and a willingness to get you back.

I'm not sure I understood this part. Was OM at her place for champagne as well?

The only one who knows her reasons for sure is her and I doubt she'll be forthcoming with the truth. 

Makes sense to me that you still care. The feelings don't shut off from one moment to the next.

Hang tough
WD


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> She'll find the OM lacking in some way. Like, oh, maybe he is cheating on her? Or gone back to his wife, etc.


:iagree:

Now she gets to see not just his dating facade. It's possible that now that she stumbles on his boxers with skid marks in the laundry she is second guessing, but she made her choice.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You said in your other thread that she told you she would see you at graduations and other life events,so I would just leave it at that.If you're moving in the right direction then pretty soon these infrequent encounters will have no effect.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

If I recall well, OP moved and is living far away his XW. I asume this was a short visit due the son graduation, who by the way already told him XW was completely lost nad don't even bother.

Of course it was a power play but dressing innapropiate was not a new thing if I recall. XW got sorta MLC, "I'm young again" exit affair and left him dry without explanation. She just left the marital home. Later OP found out she was flaunting her new man, partying, etc. Likely life she though is not that shining now.

I don't think XW nor OP want back. Hopely he will be here to update.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think chicks just have a way with messing with us, especially when they wear mini skirts. This is old news and except it for what it is, some MLC and a power trip, nothing more and nothing less.

The both of you are completely different poeple now, and the power trip almost worked, but you saw thru it.

See if it was me and some strang chick came up to me and got all up in my grill I'd flirt back...see thats what she's used to now. You know the real her and it has no effect, but a guy like me would engage her...you didn't and thats foriegn to her now.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Isnt she too old to wear a mini skirt?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

aug said:


> Isnt she too old to wear a mini skirt?


NO woman is too old to wear a mini skirt!

Aha. Now, you see, long boots, (black leather, of course) maybe *blue or purple tights, and thighs that are fairly thick (not stick thin) and a largish bottom are what do it for me.

And this is why women wear mini skirts because men like me have been known to walk into lamp posts!

*I haven't a clue what it is with blue or purple tights and mini skirts and why I like that combination so much!

I'm... sorry, what was the purpose of this thread?:scratchhead::rofl:

Oh, yes!

BTW, mini dresses may now be her default dress code.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> How has it not played out yet?


Because you want the truth from her and I honestly think your wife feels guilty about her A.

Is she remorseful, obviously not. Was she happy for the last few years, obviously not.

Were you the cause for her unhappiness, I really do not think so.

Your wife has issues that you are not able to fix. Only she can fix them. The drinking, the partying with friends and her A were only medicating her issues.

She has reached out to you to gauge your reaction. To test you. And she confirmed and thinks you hate her. You have every right too!

But do you hate her? Do you think that is what she felt by you refusing to speak with her or sit with her at your son's graduation?

I know you would never take her back. I do not blame you. Your wife is lost at 49 years of age.

But do you want closure? Do you want the truth?

If not, stop thinking of her, deal with her regarding only your kids and move on like you are doing.

But if you feel you need to closure to your relationship with her you will have to meet her halfway to have that discussion.

And from what you have said you want that discussion with her.

That is all I meant by my statement.

Peace to you BT.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I am confused at her apparent duality such as feeling guilty but showing no remorse....i agree that perhaps she was gauging me to see how i felt and was hurt when it was clear the disdain i felt for her. I am not sure if i want closure but a sincere apology about messing up three lives in one selfish act ould be a nice start. Ive been thinking about the last exchange and how she knew she had no moral authority to tell me or even ask me to come over - she was begging me. funny how relationships change so quickly....cripes i felt empowered around her for the first time in a long time. 

not sure if i want closure but once again an apology for messing up 3 lives would be nice........I'm sure shes not capable of it and frankly not sure shes sorry. I\d really like to tell her about how hurt and disgusted I am by her actions and ask her how could she been so deceptive to someone she was with for 28 years.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

An apology would be nice but you realize you might never get it. And it might not be sincere.

Because if she gave you one she would have to admit she did something wrong and her sense of entitlement goes right out the window.

It is like that song "Someone that I used to know". That woman you knew for 28 years is gone.

And most important is your healing. Do not live your life waiting for her apology. Go live your life as if you got one.

And make sure your next special woman blows her away............
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betamale (Apr 25, 2012)

She's flirting but don't believe anything she says or does, until she dumps the OM


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

bigtone, there's a whole lot of difference between being regretful and being remorseful. 

The bottom line is you don't need her apology, if you're really hanging about for one, I can tell you that many here will say that its a futile exercise, she's old news. Time to get on with your life brother


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

aug said:


> Isnt she too old to wear a mini skirt?


Next time BigTony sees her she'll be wearing hot pants or daisy dukes.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Next time BigTony sees her she'll be wearing hot pants or daisy dukes.


/shudders


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

My assessment - she came dressed to impress. OM either dumped her or the novelty has worn off and she's no longer excited by their relationship.

So she figures now would be the time to tempt old hubby back, lure him with the skirt, bring him back to whatever place to have champagne and talk. My guess is she would have said something like, "It's such a shame what happened to us. I wish we could start over, and be like the old days." Not an apology, per se, because she's too proud/ashamed, but to open a door. 

When you rejected it, she realized that door would never open again, and the tears came. She realized she really had lost you forever.

If you had gone back with her, had some champagne, and rejected her advances then, I believe the tears would have been anger instead.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I agree with everybody's synopsis - and I'm sure she would have liked to play me and try to lure me back - but with other fellow in the background - it is not going to happen. I will not play second fiddle to any man in a relationship. I am worth more than that. Funny how life works, I got involved with another woman soon after we split up (against everyone's advice) and she starting behaving the way my ex did before we moved in together (saying we were never really "in a relationship") so they could date other people - so I cut the relationship off quickly. Much easier the second time and I am quicker to see things now and less tolerant of BS. Funny how we tend to attract similar people?


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> Much easier the second time and I am quicker to see things now and less tolerant of BS.


What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger I guess. You're decisive bigtone. Well done.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> She'll find the OM lacking in some way. Like, oh, maybe he is cheating on her? Or gone back to his wife, etc.
> 
> But will that have any meaning to you?
> 
> BTW, who the hell turns up to a graduation in a mini skirt?:scratchhead:


A tramp.


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