# manic depressive and bipolar



## amie (Mar 3, 2011)

Hello all. This is my first post so here it goes....
My husband of only a year and a half is manic depressive and bipolar. I have known this from the start 6 years ago. He has had some really bad ups and downs and last night he dropped a bomb on me. He has been really odd the past few days and last night he says that he thinks we don't have anything in common and we are totally different. He feels buying our home was a mistake and it was done because I wanted it. He also said he wants to be able to move to go to school or at least have the option to and can't because I am here. He said all of this with a stone cold face and I just cried. I have been doing some reading and I think he is in a manic state and I am just scared my marriage is over. I feel so disconnected from him and have for a while and every time I try and talk about it he shuts down. He claims he wants to go to a counselor but I think he just wants out. I am so sick that I can't think. What do I do?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Get him to go to a medical doctor or a psychiatrist ASAP. Hypomanic episodes generally worsen over time and can result in quite serious mental illness. The problem with Affectives or Schizoaffectives who remain untreated for long spans of time is that they wind up in a psychotic break and often require hospitalization. You say you knew this for 6 years. I suspect your husband have never been under a doctor's care for this and has not been on SSRI's, SNRI's, neuroleptics. Keep in mind that most affectives go off their meds voluntarily because they LOVE being manic. 

Some other things to look for: compulsive spending, obsessive behaviors, gambling, high risk behavior, aggression, confrontation. Some affectives see halos around objects and suffer from odd memory blackouts. 

Other things to note: with the exception of Wellbutrin, most SSRIs have significant depression effects on the libido in both men and women. Whereas 'classical' treatment using Lithium salts can be extremely toxic and they make the patient urinate constantly.

The first thing you need to do is realize you're dealing with someone who's mentally ill. Treat that then figure out if your marriage is in danger.


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## amie (Mar 3, 2011)

THANKS! He has been seeing a doctor for meds and he has been on all kinds of things. He had a really bad depressive episode in December and they changed meds at that time. Now he seems to be on the other end of the spectrum. I think the counselor will be good but I fear it is his way out. He is Ill and it is infecting me too.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The thing to keep in mind is that you don't own other people's illnesses. If he had a chronic physical illness like MS, you wouldn't own that. You can support him but you don't have it and you don't need to be treated for it. Same thing with mental illness. 

I come from a long line of depressives, suicidals, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. And growing up with these people you learn either you embrace it and become their codependent or you don't. I have enough problems with my own mental health without enabling theirs. 

PS it sounds like he's not taking his meds.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Or he may be taking his meds and they may be out of whack. Especially if they were adjusted previously to balance out a depression and/or were never quite right to begin with. It's a pain in the tookus to find the right combination and then to keep it on point! Thankfully there are so many options out there now (beyond SSRI's and lithium even) that there's more hope than ever for an ultimately stable life, if that's what someone wants.

Is he seeing a psychiatrist for the meds? If not, that's the specialist that really needs to deal with these, not a family doctor or internist.

Frankly, I'd support counseling for him 100%. I have bipolar disorder and have used medication and therapy concurrently for most of my adult life. They work together, not in place of each other. And whether he's manic, hypomanic or whatever, I'd tell _anyone_ who's questioning their whole life that counseling would be a good thing! Another benefit would be that a counselor could help monitor his symptoms and work with his psychiatrist to help him stabilize his med combo. 

And stepping onto my soapbox for just a moment....
I do agree that given the extremity of the feelings he's expressing, they may have a lot to do with a mood swing. However, I personally HATE, HATE, HATE it when every feeling I have that my friends and family don't agree with is attributed to my mood disorder! Yes, I may feel things more extremely than is warranted sometimes, but not every feeling I have is extreme, you know? 

That's probably where counseling can help tease out what are real issues and what is amplified by his disease. It probably is a bit of both and you could both benefit by giving him the support he needs to straighten out the underlying issues while he gets his brain chemicals straightened out as well.


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## sosadone (Mar 4, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear this. I write because I lost someone I love very much to this horrible disease. Bipolar come in many flavors and one size never fits all. Having said that most decent psychiatrists will now a days not treat BP pts with antidepressants without a mood stabilizer. And the better one will use the mood stabilizer and antipsychotics alone and leave the ADs (including the SSRIs, DRIs and SNRIs) in the trash where they belong. Why? Google antidepressants and manic switch. The rates are staggering up to 70% of patients can and will become Manic when an AD is started. It really sounds like your guy is entering into Mania and the timeline matches to when his meds were changed. It takes a few weeks before they really lose it. In my case my guy- a surgeon no less was put on Wellbutrin and went from a loving Dr. Jeckyll to an intolerable Mr. Hyde; clubbing all nite, not sleeping (a gimme), violent, online solicitation of affairs and finally engaging a dominatrix. Here is the real problem- they LOVE THE MANIA, they end up lying to their shrinks and everyone else around. It used to be that Bipolars were put on lithium and even with some side effects were relatively easy to manage. With the advent of Big Pharm pushing ADs and stimulants, these pts can maintain a manic state for a long long time.Im not saying its hopeless but you have to act fast and at least for my guy-compliance wasnt going to happen. You have to get to his shrink (who he may already be isolating from you), call tonite if you can and pray the guy isnt a shmuck as many of them are. If he is smart he will get your guy off of whatever is producing his current affective state and onto something which can basically "slow him down". Lamictal, tegretol , lithium are all good choices; Antidepressants are about the worst thing anyone can give a Bipolar even though the majority present with a unipolar depression (since they love being Manic they only perceive the depression as painful), because it can switch them so fast into Mania. Email me if you wish more info. Its a knowledge base I wish I had never gained. Good luck and may g-d bless you
ssd


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## nicolelord2 (Feb 16, 2011)

In marriage life there are lot of up and downs. Just understand your partner, why he/she is behaving like this. And most important thing is be calm


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