# Utter Fear has begun to set in!



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Hey all, divorcing after 10 years in and I'm soon to be getting the ok to move out of what will soon be my old home. I am beginning to fear my own financial ability to maintain myself. With the child support and then the rent here in New York, i am starting to sweat a little. Any Advice from any of the guys out there, the child support is gonna milk me for a good part of my monthly income and I still have all the credit card debt that hasnt been resolved yet. We are in the beginning stages of the divorce and she makes a lot more than me. She is keeping the house and I am simply taking my bed, couches, computer and TV and trying to start up brand new. I dont have alot of money saved or at least enough to cover security and/or brokers fees. Is there any advice from any not so freshly divorced guys. No way I'm getting loans of any sort either as my credit has all but washed down the toilet because of all of this. Dammit I wish i got divorce insurance LOL!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Well, I would think that if she makes more than you, is keeping the house, the courts will take that into consideration when deciding child support. Also, who asked for the D, you or her - another mitigating factor, custody, another one. If any infidelity, either one of you, adultery is another mitigating factor, of course, that would have to be proven. You do have as lawyer? Right?


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Thanks light, I'm in NY so it's a 50/50 state. Infidelity doesn't play a part really over here, it's more irreconcilable differences. She asked for the divorce.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

All states are no-fault now. All 50 states. NY was the last to adopt that. Adultery does not re allocate assets anymore. All it provides is a fast path to final divorce.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

It's a longshot probably but if you are on civil enough terms I would ask her if she'd be open to birdnesting.

Birdnesting is where you can use her house (since she makes more money) where you come in and parent/visit on certain days. You can make overnights optional. (she leaves)

Tell her you can't compete with giving the kids a "2nd home" and they get to stay there and enjoy their own social network and she gets to get out of the house a few days/week for at least a few hours or a day or an overnight or whatever you can arrange that it's minimal intrusion to her. If she fears privacy invasion, tell her that she can have her computer passcoded and even put a combo lock on her bedroom door so she can feel she's got her "own space."

Stay focused on how it is good for the kids (it really is. . .I have a great relationship with my kids but my ex-wife was/is a shrew and wouldn't go for this and even though they like seeing me, they'd often rather just be in their primary home)

This allows you to live with a roommate in an Oscar and Felix situation or get a small efficiency as you would be paying maximum child support, but you could drastically reduce your overhead.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Rico said:


> Hey all, divorcing after 10 years in and I'm soon to be getting the ok to move out of what will soon be my old home. I am beginning to fear my own financial ability to maintain myself. With the child support and then the rent here in New York, i am starting to sweat a little. Any Advice from any of the guys out there, the child support is gonna milk me for a good part of my monthly income and I still have all the credit card debt that hasnt been resolved yet. We are in the beginning stages of the divorce and she makes a lot more than me. She is keeping the house and I am simply taking my bed, couches, computer and TV and trying to start up brand new. I dont have alot of money saved or at least enough to cover security and/or brokers fees. Is there any advice from any not so freshly divorced guys. No way I'm getting loans of any sort either as my credit has all but washed down the toilet because of all of this. Dammit I wish i got divorce insurance LOL!



You might want to consider filling for bankruptcy protection to get a breather and maybe discharge those debts. Yes I know your credit score will be toast for years but you can't eat a FICO score. Divorces pretty much obliterate finances so it might be an option for you. Good luck.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Thanks! Options on both ends. but I dont think me staying at our home at all is an option. She harbors wayyyy to much anger and resentment to even make a reasonable decision, even for the sake of the children.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

What kind of "equitable distribution" are you getting from her retirement plan? Take the early withdrawal hit and tax hit, and pay off those debts?


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