# Valentine's Day is the Big Elephant in the Room



## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Valentine's Day sucks for the cold, passionless marriage. I used to enjoy buying a heartfelt card and roses and even writing a message in the card from my heart to my wife. That was in the early years of our marriage. Now it's hard for me to find a card that's tame enough that I'm willing to give it to her. It doesn't feel right giving her a "you're my forevermore" card or a "to the love of my life" card when we both know I don't have those feelings. We ate out with our neighbor couple last night and they talked about their V-day plans and I was relieved they didn't ask about ours, because we have none. My wife told me a couple years ago she doesn't like flowers. She can't eat chocolate now because she has cavities in too many teeth. And I'm sure we'll both try hard to avoid having obligatory V-day sex tonight. I'm sorry, but if we haven't had sex in a year now, I don't want it on V-day. I don't want obligatory, holiday sex.

My wife forgot to say anything this morning to me about V-Day, so I breached it and gave her my funny card this morning and cleaned up the kitchen and dishes and wished her a happy V-day; to which she mumbled it back to me and explained she didn't have a card yet. The end - that's a wrap on V Day for us. I did want a kiss from her, but she kept her distance from me and I declined from chasing her down for a passionless peck.

Wake me up when today is over - for those of us stuck in bad marriages, it's a painful reminder of what some have and we don't.


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## TiredBob (Feb 9, 2011)

Today was particularly hard for me too, after our separation talk the other day my wife still felt the need to buy me a card, chocolates and book us a table in a very expensive restaurant. I just wanted to ignore it all but went through the motions and kept things polite and civil between us. 

On one hand I didn’t want to show too much emotion as she may confuse it with a change of mind but on the other, I couldn’t be cold after all the things she had done. I wish I was a lot stronger to cope with all this.


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

And I need to make my Vday look good. I am hanging around cause I enjoy being with my kids 100% of the time and my oldest moves out for college next year. I bought the flowers last night, even bought the card a few weeks ago when I took my daughter to the wally world. Now I need to sign the thing, just hate writing down stuff on it. Last sex was Nov 2009, before then early 2009. At this point I am just as happy it does not happen tonight.


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## sleeplesssomewhere (Feb 15, 2011)

This is my first post...
I asked him to do marriage counseling yesterday. Today he *actually* got me flowers and a card. I couldn't get him a card because none of them seemed to fit. I got my kids stuff and made the day about them. I'm glad today is over.


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## NumbAndSad (Feb 8, 2011)

I'm glad it's over, too. We had our confrontation talk about his affair on Feb. 12, and I was really dreading Vday.

Turns out it was a non-event for him and me. I made it about our daughter. She and I made chocolate dipped strawberries for her and me, and she made chocolate dipped grapes for Daddy.

Him to me? No card, no flowers, no mention of the holiday at all. First time in 17 years that he hasn't at least said "Happy Valentine's Day, I love you."

Though he did agree to go to MC with me. And actually, I guess that's the best Valentine's Day present I could hope for.


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