# shut phone off can't get ahold of him



## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I am working in another state and just got here a few days ago and have been busy getting settled in.

It seemed like my husband wanted to chat and talk while I was at my new job.

So Friday evening comes around and I am off for the weekend and I go online to chat and he chats a little and then goes silent so after 45 minutes of silence I ask him what he is doing and he says watching a tv series he just got.

Ummm

My feelings were hurt. Really he could watch the tv show all day every day while I was working but he waits until the weekend to start to watch it and he will sit there and watch it straight through hours a day until the series is finished.

He chatted a few minutes more so I was tired just logged off and went to bed.

I get up and log on and he isn't on. I try to call. His phone is shut off.

So the day is over and his phone is still shut off and no contact at all. I know he was online because I can see the account usage. I have called several times and his phone is still shut off.

I am really hurt and upset by this.

Here I am in a strange town alone busting my hump to make some money and he is playing these passive aggressive mind games ignoring me so he can watch tv.

If your spouse did this to you, what would you do? What would you say to them?


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## ileft (May 3, 2013)

Can you send him a message when you see him online?


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

ileft said:


> Can you send him a message when you see him online?


Thanks for you reply. He has his chat turned off so I can't.

I saw that he was online because I can log into the isp and see the usage by the hour. but there is no way to send him a message because he is logged out of chat.

I sent him an email and nothing.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

He's out on the town. He isn't home. He logged on so you'd think he's there then hit the strip clubs.

That's what I'd do anyhow.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Tigger said:


> Here I am in a strange town alone busting my hump to make some money and he is playing these passive aggressive mind games ignoring me so he can watch tv.


I think you might be reading a lot into it. You might be the furthest thing from his mind and he's just carrying on life as usual.

If I was you, I might go dark on him and find some fun distracting things to do on your business trip. 

As an older woman who remembers the days before internet and cell phones, the need for constant communication strikes me as kinda oppressive- like an umbilical cord needing to be cut.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Tigger I can totally understand why you'd be feeling this way but like Blonde says, you could be reading too much into this. Your H might not even have the slightest clue that you're feeling hurt - often we've created a great big story in our head and we couldn't be more way off! There is also nothing wrong with him enjoying a TV series, doesn't mean he loves you any less!

One big difference I find between the sexes is that as women we can chat for hours, be that by phone, text, email, whatever. We like to talk about our feelings. A lot of guys use these forms of communication in a more functional capacity, it's not necessarily because he doesn't care - he probably doesn't realize.

Try not to jump to conclusions - perhaps the next time you go away you can manage both your expectations by discussing (before you go) how often you will make contact.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I wouldn't be working in a different city to begin with and THIS is exactly why. Things like these are bound to happen when you live geographically away from your spouse. I'd make arrangements to fix the situation before it gets worse. For it will. So my advice...either go back or bring him there with you asap, or if none is possible ask yourself if no matter how good a job is worth risking your marriage.

He's already distancing himself, most likely unconsciously. Next time you talk let him know you've been hurt by him turning off his phone, and that you miss him and how you plan to solve the living apart problem. Communication and time spent together are ingredients of marriage success.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

How are things now? Did it get any better over the weekend? Are you back home now?

I'm so sorry you have to travel for your job. It must be exhausting physically and mentally. I would be upset as well. I do think communication is extremely important and your h should be supporting you while your away. Something seems very off that he ignored you. I'd be suspicious of what's going on and try to figure it out while you are at home.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I was away twice a week for work (truck driver), on one ocasion she could not get ahold of me because of a bad cell signal where I was. She sent me a text saying she had called several times with no answer. When I finally could call she would not pick up and when she did. I could tell she had been crying. I don't travel anymore. 

If she thought I turned off the phone to avoid her, I would not survive the initial beating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Tigger...you have been posting on here since before you even married this man, which was 2008. FIVE YEARS. Seriously, how long are you going to remain miserable? Are you really surprised at his actions here? Because I'm not, and I am not even married to the man. He is a horrible partner who contributes nothing positive to your life. You still want to be here in another five years? 10? I'm sorry he is crapping on you yet again, and also sorry if this isnt what you want to hear. The man is a selfish jerk and you have allowed him to treat you like crap all these years...nothing should shock you at this point.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


Amen. What 3Xnocharm said. :smthumbup:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Oops, I was wrong! The first thread was started in 2007! Here is the last post on the thread:

*I would just like to add that if your bf said to you tomorrow, "OK, let's get married" I think you should not marry him! He is a user and sounds like he enjoys getting you upset and afraid. Manipulative and a little sadistic...run, girl, run!
Getting a ring on this guy's finger isn't going to change him for the better; he is the way he is and it doesn't sound like he wants to change.. dump this loser.*


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## lucky me (Aug 6, 2012)

MrK said:


> He's out on the town. He isn't home. He logged on so you'd think he's there then hit the strip clubs.
> 
> That's what I'd do anyhow.


true


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