# So my husband and I had a great time



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

in bed this morning (if you know what I mean) and we get up and he goes out and gets the paper and I start making breakfast. When he comes in he starts complaining that I'm taking too much space in the kitchen (he was trying to make himself some toast) didn't put the dishes away properly in the dishwasher and I'm too messy when I cook (I clean up after I cook) I gave him a look and said " I'm a lot more attracted to you in bed than out because in bed you aren't criticizing me" I walked away as he looked confused but I know there are other wives and husbands who feel the same way about their spouses at times.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Oh yes. I know exactly what you mean.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I gave him a look and said " I'm a lot more attracted to you in bed than out because in bed you aren't criticizing me"


I guess all the guys in sexless marriages on TAM would be surprised that your H would be an ass to you when you have a great sex life AND make breakfast. They're always saying they would treat their wives like gold if they had passionate sex and a good cook at home.

Personally, I would not be attracted *at all* in bed if I were being criticized, taken for granted, and treated like child when we aren't in bed. There would be no good times in bed if that's how I were treated outside of bed because I'd feel a lot of resentment and loathing instead of passion.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

True, I think a lot of sexless marriages where the wife isn't interested is caused by the way they are treated by their husband although we just hear the mens side of the situation. We women (unlike most men) need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands in order to sex. My husband was a sweetie the rest of the day, took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant , cuddled at night, if he was like he was this morning all of the time I would have a hard time wanting to be with him in the bedroom.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Rather than get offended.....how about you ask him for examples of your "wrongdoings". 

"Can you be more specific honey".

If what you are saying is true, he should have few valid ones. And if he does, you SHOULD take it seriously.

If they are not valid and he is simply being an ass, ask him to stop being one.

Direct and up front is the best approach......but the key is to not stir up tension/anger and get offensive (do it all with a smile).

That's where YOU made the mistake OP (especially with the look).

Being an ******* and a jerk is in every men's genes.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

DoF said:


> Rather than get offended.....how about you ask him for examples of your "wrongdoings".
> 
> "Can you be more specific honey".
> 
> ...


Personally I find this advice condescending. Flip it around:

"Listen up husbands, being a b*tch is in every woman's genes. So when your wife is being a total b*tch over something mundane while you are cooking her breakfast, NEVER give any indication of displeasure. Only address it with a smile."


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Responding to jerk behavior with politeness can throw the jerk off guard. They WANT to get you riled up. 

But I don't believe being an ******* and a jerk has anything to do with the genes of one gender. I do think men are not wired to be sensitive in the way women are, and that creates a lot of conflict and hurt feelings.


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

I reckon kitchens are the biggest disrupter of marital harmony. No 2 people can load a dishwasher at the same time without one rearranging the dishes again. Noone can *share* a benchtop successfully. We have 3 people here, me, H and D22. We cannot use the kitchen at the same time without arguments!


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

DoF said:


> Rather than get offended.....how about you ask him for examples of your "wrongdoings".
> 
> "Can you be more specific honey".
> 
> ...


Where's the "dislike" button?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

OP, your husband sounds like an *******.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bravenewworld said:


> Personally I find this advice condescending. Flip it around:
> 
> "Listen up husbands, being a b*tch is in every woman's genes. So when your wife is being a total b*tch over something mundane while you are cooking her breakfast, NEVER give any indication of displeasure. Only address it with a smile."


I don't think it's condescending at all.

It's WAY more important to be nice than it is to be right!

Smile on the face does WONDERS to communication between 2 people (regardless of the situation). It keeps it positive and relieves the pressure/tension etc.

I've found it to be an important and useful tool. It also reminds me to keep it cool.

Getting upset/escalating is the opposite of what you want.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Healer said:


> OP, your husband sounds like an *******.


Every single man on this planet is an ******* at some point.
Every single woman is a ***** at some point.

There is no perfection, never was, never will be.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Well I am sorry to hear that Happilymarried25 great start to a erfect day that could have been great and he blows it. Try to let it go even say look I was in a great mood some nice loving and felt close to you now it's gone. I tell my DH often he is driving me nuts he smiles sweet and says it's his job and that is why I keep him around. Treat it with humour we try to works for us, I get my pretend diary out say well I had you scheduled for some loving in July but can't make it so oh Xmas 2017 looks free!!!


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I actually think DoF has some good points in general - if you feel criticized by your spouse here's some ways to deal with it - but in this case, at the very least, the timing was bad. OP's husband might also be communicating poorly, which is a different topic but I think this was all about timing. When your spouse is feeling lovey dovey, don't kill it with an ill-timed discussion about logistics.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *DoF said:* Every single man on this planet is an ******* at some point.
> Every single woman is a ***** at some point.
> 
> There is no perfection, never was, never will be.


Absolutely the truth....

I'm guilty of being the BAD PERSON..... we always have good sex , then lay in each others arms, the whole afterglowing.. 

A few yrs back now...it was ME who started getting on him how I wanted him to be rougher in bed.. oh it was a phase... he was hurt by that.. like can't I lay it to rest, we just had some lovin' WOMAN!... which I well deserved...then I apologized.. 

I've surely had my moments.... Him.. I can't think of one.... he's never really a *******....but I can be a ***** on occasion.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

What a buzzkill. I know I would much rather bask in the afterglow having just reaffirmed our love and attraction to each other than to bicker. I think I would have reacted similarly to you. 

I hope it was just a one-off/brain-fart/lack of oversight on his part. Everyone speaks out of turn/says the wrong things sometimes even to our mates. Not saying that he doesn't have valid complaints but there's a place/time to bring them up so I can see why you'd be bothered. 

To play Devil's Advocate for a moment, if he doesn't do this often and it wasn't just a lack of oversight on his part, it could be that since you had such a great morning he felt close enough/like the marriage was solid enough to bring those things up. 

I would still feel it's a buzzkill if that was the case in the moment. Like I said, I much prefer the lovey-dovey aftergow together rather than deal with bickering or even the "housekeeping relationship issues" but at least there's a little bit of a silver lining if that were the case.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Miss Taken said:


> *To play Devil's Advocate for a moment, if he doesn't do this often and it wasn't just a lack of oversight on his part, it could be that since you had such a great morning he felt close enough/like the marriage was solid enough to bring those things up.
> *


 Hopefully *THIS* is the case...and it would make sense, I would even say this is why I get the way I do.. because that intimacy is flowing, very comfortable to speak what is on my mind..(though not using the best of judgement in a moment).... He & I both know "stuffing" doesn't work well for me.... 

Though HOW I/ we bring something up has the potential to be "*productive*" or "*destructive*" ....in this was my failing that day... 

Thankfully our fights are very few & far between, I can't even remember our last one... probably like over 6 months ago now....generally all our tiffs end up in Make up sex...would have here too if we hadn't just done it.


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## DadOfFour (Mar 13, 2013)

Happilymarried25 said:


> in bed this morning (if you know what I mean) and we get up and he goes out and gets the paper and I start making breakfast. When he comes in he starts complaining that I'm taking too much space in the kitchen (he was trying to make himself some toast) didn't put the dishes away properly in the dishwasher and I'm too messy when I cook (I clean up after I cook) I gave him a look and said " I'm a lot more attracted to you in bed than out because in bed you aren't criticizing me" I walked away as he looked confused but I know there are other wives and husbands who feel the same way about their spouses at times.


Just going to give you some friendly advice (do with it what you will). Us men are totally clueless and sometimes you actually have to sit us down and explain exactly what it is we are doing wrong that you don't like. I know saying this makes us look like children but seriously we don't understand the way women work, what they think and what they want, hell even better would be a PowerPoint Presentation (if you have the time) but you will find doing things this way will go alot farther to us changing our attitude and behavior than some snarky, smart arsed, remark.


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