# Husband with female friend



## VLB (Mar 24, 2017)

Hi all
Thoughts on husband all of a sudden has a close female friend


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Have any additional background? Where did he meet her? Is she a coworker? Do you hang out with her too? 

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## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

As a general rule its fraught with danger but a few more details would be helpful.


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## VLB (Mar 24, 2017)

Work mate
Only met her after having baby
Baby is now 7mths old 
We are just trying to get back on track
Now they go out together whilst I'm at


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## VLB (Mar 24, 2017)

At the start I had to accept 
But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
He lost his job whilst I was pregnant 
Now she comes over 
While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

It's inappropriate. Do you think they're having an affair, whether emotionally or physically (or both)? 

Have you expressed your concerns? And if so, what is his reaction?


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

VLB said:


> At the start I had to accept
> But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
> He lost his job whilst I was pregnant
> Now she comes over
> While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?


It's one thing to have a female friend that you go out with from time to time and have coffee and chat with. I think it's good for a man to have someone to get a female perspective from other than his wife. It's another thing if that female friend is coming to your house to see him when you're not home. There are and need to be certain lines drawn in the sand when it comes to opposite sex friendships, and I think that is crossing that line. It's one thing if they're out in public where other can see them together or there's the chance of them running into someone you both know, it's another thing to be together behind closed doors, especially if you don't know her that well.

If you really are suspicious but there aren't any real red flags, go out and buy 2 voice activated recorders. Hide one in the bedroom and the other in whatever room of the house he or they spend the most time in and see if anything comes up. But one very important thing here, no matter what you hear on the recordings, DO NOT confront him with it, and do not let on to him that you're suspicious of anything. If there is something on the recordings then get a cheap spy camera to plant in whatever room the recording was from, gain access to his cell phone and email, and keep collecting evidence. But DO NOT confront him until you have rock solid proof that something is going on. If you confront too quickly or without solid proof they'll just find ways to hide it. Make sure you have evidence that they cannot deny.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

IDK, to me there is something suspicious about suddenly making an OSF to the point where they are spending alone time together ... She comes over when you are at work, serious? Kick his ass out is the first thing that comes to mind ...

Do you think your Husband would tolerate the opposite (you suddenly made an OSF and had him come over your house when your H was gone)???


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## allez (May 26, 2015)

I think in general it's fine. A friend is a friend, regardless of them being a man or a woman. 

If your relationship is not in a great place though, I can understand why you'd feel threatened by it. If that is the case though, deal with the problems in your relationship, not with the fact that your husband has a new female friend.

Do you suspect that something is going on with them, more than friendship? And if so, what's happened to make you think that way?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

VLB said:


> At the start I had to accept
> But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
> He lost his job whilst I was pregnant
> Now she comes over
> While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?


Sorry no...female friend does not come over while you are away at work or whatever.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

That's very suspicious and certainly not something I would be okay with. 

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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I can understand having a group of friends and meeting somewhere after work, but to have one of the opposite gender who pays house calls? 

Nope. 

Put the shoe on the other foot. Ask him how he would feel if you were the one who had a male friend come over when he wasn't home?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

He either is having sex with her or wants to have sex with her.


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

I'll weigh in on the meeting occasionally* in public *for an hour or two once or twice a month is fine, but the situation you describe just sounds bad and is causing you to be suspicious (which is reasonable enough). 

Sometimes if I'm working with a female coworker we go out to celebrate a court victory or go out to plan strategy over some vittles and a drink (just one or two - alcohol tends to be an impediment to making good marriage-centered decisions). I'd never invite her over to my place when my wife was out, though, and I try as much as possible to make sure that I'm not alone with a female who isn't my wife or daughter. It may sound infantile, but even at my firm if I have a female alone in my office with me I leave the door open, or if the topics I'm discussing won't allow the door to be open I keep the internal blinds open so people can see into the office. If neither of those are advisable or feasible I have an assistant in whenever possible. Over-cautious? Maybe. But I think it's the best way to keep folks from wondering and talking.

I guess the VARs would do a lot to either prove that their interactions at home are harmless...or not...You'd probably be able to discern the nature of their relationship after one time. Still, if he doesn't change his habits you'd start to wonder if something could develop _in the future_ even if you had pretty solid proof on the recordings that it hadn't developed _yet_, and you'd be at square one again. He's simply got to change what he's doing.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

WhiplashWish said:


> It may sound infantile, but even at my firm if I have a female alone in my office with me I leave the door open, or if the topics I'm discussing won't allow the door to be open I keep the internal blinds open so people can see into the office. If neither of those are advisable or feasible I have an assistant in whenever possible. Over-cautious? Maybe. But I think it's the best way to keep folks from wondering and talking.


I don't think this is infantile. I will not have a meeting in my office with a female and the door closed unless there is an additional person in there.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

VLB,

My guess is that they are already kissing in your house while you are at work.

Drop in unannounced when you won't be expected, or put a camera to record whats going on.

Tamat


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Get one of those teddy bears that has a camera for an eye and you can watch them over the internet.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

EllisRedding said:


> I don't think this is infantile. I will not have a meeting in my office with a female and the door closed unless there is an additional person in there.


Errr really? I do it all the time =/ 
Sometimes we need our privacy to get it on... *ahem*... discuss confidential topics...


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I would think it strange if my husband suddenly had a female friend but in our generation, men and women generally don't have opposite sex friendships. The younger generations seem to have a different attitude regarding OSF. 

Has your husband always had OSFs? Or is this a new thing?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I would think it strange if my husband suddenly had a female friend but in our generation, men and women generally don't have opposite sex friendships. The younger generations seem to have a different attitude regarding OSF.
> 
> Has your husband always had OSFs? Or is this a new thing?


I disagree. I think the younger generation still wants to **** their OSF, just like the older generation. They just PRETEND they have a different attitude.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

VLB said:


> At the start I had to accept
> But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
> He lost his job whilst I was pregnant
> Now she comes over
> While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?


Oh HELL no!! Why in the world are you tolerating this??


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

VLB said:


> At the start I had to accept
> But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
> He lost his job whilst I was pregnant
> Now she comes over
> While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?


Um not just no, but HELL no! Why do you allow this?

It's one thing for longtime OSF friends to catch up for a drink or coffee whatever, that's fine, or colleagues to grab lunch. It's a TOTALLY different thing for new OSF's to be hanging out at home while a spouse is at work.

Nip this in the bud now.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I never had a female friend. Men are genetically programmed to see women as potential mates. I never viewed a female as a friend, just a potential sex partner. I cannot think of one thing I would enjoy doing with a woman other than sex. I do enjoy talking to my wife's friends or wives of my friends but I do not hang out or email/text them. I had one fiancee and one girlfriend who had a male friend and they both cheated on me with their male friends, even though one was my best friend.

We can talk all you want about being more advanced due to our brains, but put women with men long enough and there will be sex. When emotions emerge, they overpower your brain and we make bad choices in life. I got friendly with a woman who I saw on the bus I took to work and also from work. She would save me a seat and even gave me rides from the bus stop to my house 5 blocks away. We ended up having sex for 4 months before I broke it up. Then she stalked me so much that I moved out of State. There were no stalking laws back in the old days and no caller ID either. 

Same thing would happen if I got too friendly with women at work. We would end up having sex. I was not in a monogamous marriage but if I was, I think I would have cheated because I am driven to have sex with every women I am attracted to. My wife knew this before we married and hence the non monogamous marriage. Plus I let her girlfriend move in with us. 

Every woman that started to get friendly with me soon knew that my interest was not in a close friendship but sex. I have a good sense of humor and used that to inform them that I was interested in something other than sex. I do not hold doors open for friends, tell them they look hot or look for excuses to touch their arms when It talk to them. I do let them see me stare at their good stuff. They never mistook me for a friend. I would go crazy if my wife had a male friend. Nothing good can come of it. It is a genetic thing, at least with alpha males.


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