# Do I have reason to be pissed off at wife?



## MFC0747 (Dec 16, 2012)

I would love to see how others would feel about this. My wife went out of town on a business trip recently and when see arrived at the airport I received a simple text message that she had landed. Later that night I sent her a short text message to see how things were but didn't get a reply back.
The next day she had a full day of meetings but I assumed she would at least call or text in the morning or at lunch to say things were fine. By that evening I hadn't heard anything so I sent another text asking her why she hadn't called. Once again no reply so I assumed she was busy.
After not hearing anything by 11:00 PM I texted someone that was on the trip with her and was told that she was at the hotel bar drinking with co-workers. Not wanting to ruin her evening I waited until midnight to call but she didn't answer her phone. Finally at 12:30AM she answered her phone after getting back to her room and was what I would consider drunk for her. She went on to say she was only having water and hadn't drank much but it was pretty clear she was wasted. After attempting to get some type of answers from her I simply hung up pissed off. Am I wrong to be mad about this? Should I not be worrying about my wife getting drunk in some bar with co-workers? When she gets home do I simply pretend nothing happened?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Sounds like something unhealthy is going on. A good marriage is one where both are on the same page regarding checking in, when apart. If she was out of town and not responding to calls and texts, she is sending the return message, you are not her first priority.

Can you snoop a little? If you do and find someone else, ask her on TAM before you react. Some very wise people her on TAM.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya you should be upset and when she gets home confront her about the new boundries that need to be in place and the consequences for when they are crossed.

I thnk she needs a good spanking when she gets home.

I though what she did was disrespectful. 

What the hell does she have a cell phone for? May as well go back to the old days and use a hard line if you can't get immediate access.

can you chech her cell phone log online...she may have been preoccupied with another call....if you know what I mean?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Eh... Do you have a reason to be mad? 

Maybe. What is important about her answering her phone? Do you believe that she is going to have an affair? That she must check in with you on a particular schedule? That she might end up in jail if she drinks? 

Your post is not getting to the central issue.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Yes, you have a right to be upset. Anyone who cares at all for their spouse would be if for nothing else, the lack of concern she seemed to show for you and/or your relationship. 

Being the suspicious one that I am, I have to wonder why she felt it was necessary to lie to you about having a few drinks. Typically if someone has to lie, sneak, hide something.....that's an automatic admittance of guilt they were doing something they shouldn't have been. JMO.


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## Jack29 (Oct 20, 2012)

You have every right to be pissed off and steaming from your ears!

She knows this as well as you do but when you two meet shes not going to mention because she will try to get away without any fuss!

I have had a similar situation with a gf. I didnt kick up any fuss right away but a month later when i dumped her i mentioned the episode to her and i saw it in her eyes that she was not surprised at all that i bore her a grudge because of it even though i never told her until than!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> Eh... Do you have a reason to be mad?
> 
> Maybe. What is important about her answering her phone? Do you believe that she is going to have an affair? That she must check in with you on a particular schedule? That she might end up in jail if she drinks?
> 
> Your post is not getting to the central issue.


Thank you. There seems to be some much needed context missing...


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

I would be pissed. She could have sent a quick text saying she was ok. that takes 15 sec. tops


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I would be pissed that she had not gotten back with me. I do this for my wife. It is common courtesy.

The issue about the bar is more that she had time for that but not to get back with you.

Is this her first trip out of town on business? Is this something she normally does?

What boundaries exist in your marriage on these things? What have you agreed to?

I go drinking with co-workers on business trips. I do however keep in touch with my wife. Why? Mostly because I miss her but also out of courtesy. I try to call her at least every other day if not every day to see what is going on with her. It is called being connected wtih your spouse.


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## hernadorico (Dec 14, 2012)

you have a right to be upset. Anyone who cares at all for their spouse would be if for nothing else


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## hernadorico (Dec 14, 2012)

You have every right to be pissed off and steaming from your ears!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Yeah MFC.

You should be pissed. There seems to be more than going on.

She is ignoring you.

Any arguments lately between you two?

How old are you guys? Has she been on business trips before?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I see one of two possibilities. Either she feels frustrated and controlled in her marriage and, so, once she's out of your sight, she goes 'wild' and enjoys her freedom...cos she can.

Either that, or she's been actively cheating on you.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Wow, I am surprised at how many people are jumping on the "you have a right to be pissed" bandwagon based just on what the OP said! 

Here's a reality check: We all have a "right" to be pissed at whatever we want to, but getting pissed off poses a threat to our relationship's harmony. There are far more constructive ways to handle anger than simply deciding to get mad. 

What reason does the OP have to be mad? Because she was insensitive? Ok... let's go with that for a moment. The OP is going to get "pissed off" without even verifying the reason. To say she was drinking with her coworkers is not the reason she didn't call or text during the day. Hmm... maybe her phone got lost and they don't have each other's numbers memorized. Maybe she trusts that he knows she'll be fine for a day and she was planning to call him before they went to bed. Maybe she is avoiding calling him because she knows he gets angry too easily and she's afraid of telling him she had drinks with coworkers because he's insanely jealous. 

Bottom line, it's an awfully big leap to encourage him to anger when we don't have enough information to say whether she had a good reason or not, or whether he has good reasons to feel anxious about her behavior.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Don't confront from an emotional state of anger. You will lose.

The way you confront this is to say "wife, how would you feel if I went on a business trip, did not call you, and when out partying with all my co-workers? You would not like it. You would not feel respected or valued. You would not feel like you or our marriage was important to me"....

Then see what she says. Let her stew on what you say. But ultimately you judge her on who she is over a period of time, not one particular event.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

KathyBatesel said:


> Wow, I am surprised at how many people are jumping on the "you have a right to be pissed" bandwagon based just on what the OP said!
> 
> Here's a reality check: We all have a "right" to be pissed at whatever we want to, *but getting pissed off poses a threat to our relationship's harmony*. There are far more constructive ways to handle anger than simply deciding to get mad.
> 
> ...


You really believe not answering his messages until the early hours and getting pssed at a bar in a hotel actually improved their “marriage harmony”?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I think you have every right to expect your texts/phone calls to your wife to be answered in a timely fashion....as long as you are not constantly doing it where it is irritable & an annoyance to her.

Calmly discuss this with her & do not accept "the I'm too busy to respond to you" excuse. Even the President of the United States has time to return phone calls.

So what if she was having drinks with co-workers & didn't give you a laundry list of her drink choices. She's an adult & this is not inappropriate.

Do you have other reasons not to trust her?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Emerald said:


> I think you have every right to expect your texts/phone calls to your wife to be answered in a timely fashion....as long as you are not constantly doing it where it is irritable & an annoyance to her.


:iagree:

I would be fuming if that happened to me. 

We would never conduct ourselves this way, I even have him call me from work on a bad snow day to say "Hey honey, I made it OK..love you ". Let alone a business trip far away from home for a couple nights without picking up the phone...

Terribly inconsiderate. 

Jumping down her throat will likley make it worse though... people get so offended - and don't want to admit they did a bad thing...that it might have caused their spouse some worry. In this way, Hicks is right.... 

But yeah... this would never sit well with me. I'm not the jealous type, I am the worried type... I want to know all is OK, check in with me.. if you don't .. you shouldn't expect me to be all happy & gay when you get home...

If your phone got lost... you'd make sure you used the Hotels / a co-workers...to get a quick message to your spouse. I really don't see any excuses here -unless she was kidnapped... or this is normal behavior when she goes on Business trips....which any loving husband would likely have an issue with.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My husband goes on trips all the time. We never call each other. I know if something's important, he'll let me know. And vice versa. I leave him alone to do his work (which includes taking clients out to dinner).


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

turnera said:


> My husband goes on trips all the time. We never call each other. I know if something's important, he'll let me know. And vice versa. I leave him alone to do his work (which includes taking clients out to dinner).


I think it depends on the marriage and level of trust. Some marriages are fine without the check-ins but some may require it if there are issues, history or just the way it has always been.

If this is out of the norm, could be a sign of something more.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think trust has anything to do with it.

When you receive a call or text expecting a reply, it's manners to reply.

The level of egregiousness in not replying varies... not replying to a telemarketer? Meh.

Not replying to the person you have dedicated your life and love to? Huge problem.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

My H has to travel to do his job -he's gone 6 months a year. WE, out of consideration for each other, maintain contact throughout the duration of his trip. It's how we connect/communicate. Looking back, this is the 'norm' for us. When we met, we lived an hour apart and cell phones were not what they are today. Our unwritten rule was: whoever was driving home after a date, if they didn't call within an hour or so, the other would start heading that way to make sure the other was ok. This had nothing to do with trust issues, etc. it was pure consideration for the safety of the other. 

As I stated in my earlier post, I take issue with the fact she felt it necessary to LIE about whether or not she was drinking. I assume being they're married, he knows her well enough to know when she's inebriated or not. I stand by what I believe: If you have to lie, sneak, or hide a behavior then you know you shouldn't be doing it, period. IMO, there is NO excuse for lying to your SP about anything. It shows a lack of respect to the one being cheated out of the truth; and yes, the betrayed SP does have a right to be upset. 

I do think how it should be handled is relative to what kind of history the relationship has with those behaviors. The OP has given us no information to base that on; we can only base our responses on how we'd feel if it were us. The lying would be enough to send me over the TOP! If they're going to lie about something as silly as that, then what else are they lying about/hiding.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> I don't think trust has anything to do with it.
> 
> When you receive a call or text expecting a reply, it's manners to reply.
> 
> ...


Nicely said.

It is not about trust.

I like it very much when my wife cares enough to text me or call or in general show that she is thinking about me. It shows affection.
I feel for those who do not have this level of intimacy.

On the other hand I find it creepy when there is continual texting going on unless there is something going on to warrant it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

turnera said:


> My husband goes on trips all the time. We never call each other. I know if something's important, he'll let me know. And vice versa. I leave him alone to do his work (which includes taking clients out to dinner).


Before texting, email, cell phones and so on I also used my "courtesy" call that I was allowed to make from whatever company I worked for at the time. 
back then if I was overseas especially I did not call much as it was exceedingly expensive and difficult to do.

However, we all have cell phones now. We all have internet. We all have the ability to text if not phone.

There is zero excuse to not reply to a text from someone.

He has a right to be pissed. It shows her priorities.

But yet again we have someone throw out a hot topic and not come back to post again. 

I get that some of you are not very close in your marriages and that is fine. It is especially fine if you are in agreement.

However we do not have that here. We have someone who had to jump through hoops. 

Now indeed there was enough spin in the original post to suggest they were less than happy about her hanging out at the bar late at night on her trip. 

They have not come back to answer any questions about their agreed upon boundaries. They have come back to answer anything about prior infidelity.

So I choose to ignore that aspect for the time being simply because I think she was being disrespectful to him in ignoring his text.

Again when I am on the road we often hang out in the hotel lounge and drink. It may or may not involve opposite sex colleafues. I have my own boundary to not drink alone with a woman. My choice. I can tell you it is the choice of most of my male colleagues as well. 

To make any other comment about her drinking with co-workers late in the evening would require much more background for me. We could specuate wildly.

So many people worried so much about being controlled. Mind boggling. No sad.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

heavensangel said:


> If you have to lie, sneak, or hide a behavior then you know you shouldn't be doing it, period. IMO, there is NO excuse for lying to your SP about anything. It shows a lack of respect to the one being cheated out of the truth; and yes, the betrayed SP does have a right to be upset.


Or, as has also been stated, if you're married to a controlling, overbearing, overjealous, parent-type spouse, you will LEARN to lie to maintain a relationship with that person.

We don't know the real truth other than the original post - there could be a dozen scenarios behind the scenes that caused her to act that way. We just don't know.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Both my husband and I travel for work.

Following a number of circumstances I came to the conclusion that we never really discussed what our boundaries or expectations were, in regards to work travel. I certainly made ASSUMPTIONS though. These assumptions almost wrecked me and completely destroyed the trust and faith I had in my husband.

I believed my husband would never do anything that he himself would not do to himself or want done to him. Afterall I conducted myself in this way, why should he not?
While I was away on business I would routinely check in with him. He knew who I was with and if the work agenda had changed. What hotel I was at andwhat flight itinerary I had. He also knew when work ended and when I was socializing. I also never phoned him intoxicated. I would never become intoxicated on my business trips because it is completely unprofessional and is a great way to lose peer respect, potential business and current accounts. Long and short of it....I checked in often....not because he demanded it but because I believed that is what a loviing spouse should do.

I don't know how I denied for as long as I did that my H wasn't doing the same thing. That "what was good for the gander wasn't good for the goose". I quess I was ashamed to see things for what they really were and I was afraid the say anything or make issue of what he was/or wasn't doing. I would have felt like I was throwing stones at the glass house I had created, so I pretended for a long time that his conduct was "just in the name of business'
I never got the name of the hotel he was staying at. Things were always booked last minute. The reason for travel was also limited. The colleagues he was traveling with always changed. This went on for yrs in my silence and the anxiety over business travel increased. When business meeting started occuring in his hotel room and they were at 10pm and he was intoxicated at the time.....I didn't need to find my evidence of an affair the seed was already planted. I know longer trusted him and still don't.
Even if he could prove to me that he has not had a PA with someone, it does not matter.
My lack of trust comes from the fact that he did not treat me the way I treated him. I know that if I was calling him intoxicated while on business it would stir anxious feelings in him. To avoid causing ill-feelings in my husband I never put myself in a circumstance that would cause theses feelings. The fact that he did not hold me in the same regard has shattered who I believed he was.
Do I bare responsibility....yes! I should have been direct yrs ago and stipulated that my expectation was X and that without X I would feel Y and if I felt Y it would negatively impact who I believed my husband was as a person.
My advice is don't wait and don't search for additional evidence. Have a direct conversation with your wife. Tell her you have expectations and that they are NOT unreasonable in nature. You understand that sociallizing occurs, but there is no reason for her to be intoxicated while away on business. Tell her you expect her to check in etc etc, whatever your epectations are. Further to this make it clear that each and everytime she does not meet these expectatons she damages your relationship. Tell her you would do the same for her if you were away. Tell her it is a loving thing to do. Tell you you are voicing these expectations to avoid resenting her employement, her career and most importantly herself as an individual.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Entropy, I agree that she should have answered him. However, I'll bet there is a lot more going on in their relationship than we are privy to, to get it to that point.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> Eh... Do you have a reason to be mad?
> 
> Maybe. What is important about her answering her phone? Do you believe that she is going to have an affair? That she must check in with you on a particular schedule? That she might end up in jail if she drinks?
> 
> Your post is not getting to the central issue.


I won't speak for the OP. But my wife used to travel every other month or so for approximately a week at a time.

If I got that response where it's a full day with no contact, I'd really have issues, not because of trust, but because of protection. I'm very protective of my family (I have a baseball bat under my side of the bed and I always sleep next to the door, when my wife and I walk down the street, I'm always closest to the road etc., you get the idea). I'd be paniced that something was wrong. 1. Because that's not our "arrangement". My wife always called me each morning and each night (our version of waking up together and going to bed together). So if I didn't get a call, something must be wrong. Now if my wife was in California for instance (I'm on east coast) and she had to attend a client dinner thing, then we may or may not talk that night but that was okay. 

So would I be pissed, yes. That behavior would be disrespectful to me (given MY dynamics of my marriage, but that's the kicker, the OP's dynamics may be very different).


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I won't speak for the OP. But my wife used to travel every other month or so for approximately a week at a time.
> 
> If I got that response where it's a full day with no contact, I'd really have issues, not because of trust, but because of protection. I'm very protective of my family (I have a baseball bat under my side of the bed and I always sleep next to the door, when my wife and I walk down the street, I'm always closest to the road etc., you get the idea). I'd be paniced that something was wrong. 1. Because that's not our "arrangement". My wife always called me each morning and each night (our version of waking up together and going to bed together). So if I didn't get a call, something must be wrong. Now if my wife was in California for instance (I'm on east coast) and she had to attend a client dinner thing, then we may or may not talk that night but that was okay.
> 
> So would I be pissed, yes. That behavior would be disrespectful to me (given MY dynamics of my marriage, but that's the kicker, the OP's dynamics may be very different).


A lot of it is about protection, worry about a person we love, value and treasure. We need to know they're ok.

How some can end their day and get to sleep without knowing is way beyond me. Can't be much of a marriage.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

AFEH said:


> A lot of it is about protection, worry about a person we love, value and treasure. We need to know they're ok.
> 
> How some can end their day and get to sleep without knowing is way beyond me. Can't be much of a marriage.


:iagree:

Good posting.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

AFEH said:


> You really believe not answering his messages until the early hours and getting pssed at a bar in a hotel actually improved their “marriage harmony”?


Of course not. But do I believe that getting furious over it will benefit anything? Possibly, IF there is a valid reason, which isn't clear from the OP. And getting mad can be hurtful to the relationship if SHE had a valid reason.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I won't speak for the OP. But my wife used to travel every other month or so for approximately a week at a time.
> 
> If I got that response where it's a full day with no contact, I'd really have issues, not because of trust, but because of protection. I'm very protective of my family (I have a baseball bat under my side of the bed and I always sleep next to the door, when my wife and I walk down the street, I'm always closest to the road etc., you get the idea). I'd be paniced that something was wrong. 1. Because that's not our "arrangement". My wife always called me each morning and each night (our version of waking up together and going to bed together). So if I didn't get a call, something must be wrong. Now if my wife was in California for instance (I'm on east coast) and she had to attend a client dinner thing, then we may or may not talk that night but that was okay.
> 
> So would I be pissed, yes. That behavior would be disrespectful to me (given MY dynamics of my marriage, but that's the kicker, the OP's dynamics may be very different).


This is me. My wife travels a lot for work, and she's very good at checking in. She's actually much better at checking in, and giving itinerary details, than me; I've always been lax in that way, all my life. 

She's occasionally gotten super busy with work, and travel, and hasn't gotten in touch as quickly as I've come to expect. I get upset, not out of place of anger, but out of worry and concern. But when that happens I let her know how I feel, she says "I'm so sorry baby", and we move on.

There just seems to be other context missing from the OP.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Reason to be pissed off? Abso-friggin-lutely!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AFEH said:


> A lot of it is about protection, worry about a person we love, value and treasure. We need to know they're ok.
> 
> How some can end their day and get to sleep without knowing is way beyond me. Can't be much of a marriage.


THis ^^^ is the only type of marriage I would even desire to be a part of...









I am hardly worried about the trust between me & mine...It's purely all about...I want to make sure He is Ok....primarily... that he got to his destination safely...I miss him, I want to hear his voice....

The longest we've ever been separated was for a full week ...no correction... 3 nights...(probably seemed like a week)..... he had Job training in another state, he called me the moment he got there.... and every day ...maybe twice. It wasn't overbearing, we didn't talk long .....it was just a "touching base", the highlights of the day, a reassurance that all is well in his world... and mine.. so we can lay our heads to sleep with a  on our face.. even in separation. 

It's that simple ~ really.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> THis ^^^ is the only type of marriage I would even desire to be a part of...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Right. We've been separated for longer periods of time, in fact we spent more time than not living hundreds of miles apart before marriage, but we don't go a day without touching base.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I don't know what part of the country \ city you are in, but when I go out of town for work, I barely get service from my provider. Depends. Sometimes I don't get the texts until I drive back into range.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I would ask "What would your reaction have been had she asked for 'permission' to go out drinking with friends"?

People lie about things for two primary reasons: 1) they did something wrong and they don't want to get caught 2) they did something that someone _else_ thinks is wrong and they want to avoid friction.

Based on this one incident, I certainly can't give you an answer. It has to be placed in the context of your relationship. If by chance you're a control freak, she may have made a sane choice. Hard to tell. If she expects you to behave as you wished she had, then that's a completely different sorta problem.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

AFEH said:


> A lot of it is about protection, worry about a person we love, value and treasure. We need to know they're ok.
> 
> How some can end their day and get to sleep without knowing is way beyond me. Can't be much of a marriage.


It's not beyond all of us.

I trust my wife to get blind stinking drunk in a bar with Channing Tatum and at worst she might file her nails on his abs. If she says she'll be out late with friends and not to worry, then that's what I do. It takes unreasonable circumstances to raise unreasonable concerns, at least for me. I'm not a worrier and never have been. 

Our 27 year "marriage of convenience" is as real as yours, I can assure you.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Don't confront from an emotional state of anger. You will lose.
> 
> The way you confront this is to say "wife, how would you feel if I went on a business trip, did not call you, and when out partying with all my co-workers? You would not like it. You would not feel respected or valued. You would not feel like you or our marriage was important to me"....
> 
> Then see what she says. Let her stew on what you say. But ultimately you judge her on who she is over a period of time, not one particular event.


Even this would be accusatory. Why not just ask, "Is there a reason you didn't call me? I did not like feeling ignored and forgotten."

I'm terrible about texting/calling when I'm away. I do it, but I'm erratic about it. There's no reason for mistrusting me, and it has never been a problem. Now if I didn't text back or call, I would expect him to worry, but if he came at me with double barrels without asking for details, the fight would be on.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Doesn't bother to answer husband, goes out partying with "co-workers" and gets sh!tfaced... I can see that going really bad real quick. You bet you have reasons to be pissed.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cletus said:


> I would ask "What would your reaction have been had she asked for 'permission' to go out drinking with friends"? People lie about things for two primary reasons: 1) they did something wrong and they don't want to get caught 2) they did something that someone _else_ thinks is wrong and they want to avoid friction. Based on this one incident, I certainly can't give you an answer. It has to be placed in the context of your relationship. If by chance you're a control freak, she may have made a sane choice. Hard to tell. If she expects you to behave as you wished she had, then that's a completely different sorta problem.


That's what I've been trying to say. We don't know the whole story. He's barely said a word, after all.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> Eh... Do you have a reason to be mad?
> 
> Maybe. What is important about her answering her phone? Do you believe that she is going to have an affair? That she must check in with you on a particular schedule? That she might end up in jail if she drinks?
> 
> Your post is not getting to the central issue.


The central problem is, she is out of town. He has made multiple attempts to talk to her, and she has obviously ignored them and chose to go out with her friends. A simple text that takes no more than 30 seconds would have sufficed to him probably.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

manonfire said:


> The central problem is, she is out of town. He has made multiple attempts to talk to her, and she has obviously ignored them and chose to go out with her friends. A simple text that takes no more than 30 seconds would have sufficed to him probably.


We can't be sure that she ignored him. She may have lost her phone and not had his number memorized.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> We can't be sure that she ignored him. She may have lost her phone and not had his number memorized.


It is clearly evident she ignored him.
Even if she 'lost' her cell phone.
Hotels have room phones.
She could use a friends phone, emailed him, etc.
She could have paid on a pay phone.

It's the 21st century. It is impossible not to be able to contact someone. Her going out to 'drink' with friends obviously shows her priorities are in the right place.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

KathyBatesel said:


> Of course not. But do I believe that getting furious over it will benefit anything? Possibly, IF there is a valid reason, which isn't clear from the OP. And getting mad can be hurtful to the relationship if SHE had a valid reason.


Man will typically get angry when he's been hurt and wounded. It's a kind of natural response, instinctual and some have a lot of work to do to respond in other ways such that they are Mindful, Aware and can therefore truly see what's actually going on without getting caught up in their ego and emotions.


I have no clue why you and some others leap on and bash guys that post things like this.


Another view for you is that his wife may well be a Passive Aggressive. It sure looks like a possibility from my perspective and experience.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Cletus said:


> It's not beyond all of us.
> 
> I trust my wife to get blind stinking drunk in a bar with Channing Tatum and at worst she might file her nails on his abs. *If she says she'll be out late with friends and not to worry, then that's what I do.* It takes unreasonable circumstances to raise unreasonable concerns, at least for me. I'm not a worrier and never have been.
> 
> Our 27 year "marriage of convenience" is as real as yours, I can assure you.


Your prejudices have blinded you and led you to totally miss the point.


See if you can see where by rereading the post.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AFEH said:


> Man will typically get angry when he's been hurt and wounded. It's a kind of natural response, instinctual and some have a lot of work to do to respond in other ways such that they are Mindful, Aware and can therefore truly see what's actually going on without getting caught up in their ego and emotions.


 And I would *PREFER* my husband to feel this way... it shows he gives a damn. 

And he would say the same thing about ME. We don't get all bent out of shape and put each in the dog house when one flares their emotions....we listen and look at our own hand in the situation and apologize when we clearly left the other hanging, WE screwed up & could have done better. As it should be.

We had a conversation about this thread earlier... he would be upset too... but he disagreed with me about asking to use a co-workers cell phone, he wouldn't want to waste their minutes, he would call collect before he'd ask if his phone was dead or lost. I thought that was pretty funny. But he wouldn't leave me hanging - knowing  I'd appreciate hearing back from him.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Cletus said:


> It's not beyond all of us.
> 
> *I trust my wife to get blind stinking drunk *in a bar with Channing Tatum and at worst she might file her nails on his abs. If she says she'll be out late with friends and not to worry, then that's what I do. It takes unreasonable circumstances to raise unreasonable concerns, at least for me. I'm not a worrier and never have been.
> 
> Our 27 year "marriage of convenience" is as real as yours, I can assure you.


See that in the UK all the time. Now Christmas is coming it's even worse, girls with skirts up to their armpits legless and unconscious on the streets let alone in the bars.


Total and absolute loss of any inhibitions, prey to any low life bastard that wants to have a go. And they wake up in the morning and cry rape.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she was flirting and drinking at the bar and didn't want the husband to bring her down so she ignored his texts and calls.

if my wife treated me this way most likley she wouldn't be my wife for long!

deffinatly not how I invision marriage .

the coworker who told you she was drinking at the bar with other coworkers might be someone to talk to. they might even tell you some more info about your wifes actions that night. or other nights.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> she was flirting and drinking at the bar and didn't want the husband to bring her down so she ignored his texts and calls.
> 
> if my wife treated me this way most likley she wouldn't be my wife for long!
> 
> ...


Absolutely. Sounds like a person to have a casual chat with.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

AFEH said:


> Your prejudices have blinded you and led you to totally miss the point.
> 
> 
> See if you can see where by rereading the post.


I was always taught that it was the job of the writer to make his point clear enough so as to avoid misunderstanding.

Why don't you explain it to me like I'm a two year old?


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