# Sexual anorexia - can it be healed?



## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

I was reading a bit around and I believe my partner has sexual anorexia. In the first stage there was lust, then it dissapeared and my partner had sex to comply as a good husband until he said he did not want that anymore.
He did not have real sexual relationships before.
We love each other a lot he likes cuddling and physical contact but no sex. There are childhood issues, something what is called "emotional incest", rigid religious upbringing and a dad who put him down.
He's in therapy and I think our relationship improved quite a lot.
But I am not sure wether the desire can come back as all the self help books suggest. Especially if there are general problems with sexuality.
I am willing to have more patience, but at one stage I will look outside.
One of the lessons I have learned so far is that pressure does not yield anything. Creating a good atmosphere , talking about problems but not overdoing this helped so far to achieve the first baby steps, like touching me in a sensual way.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

"but at one stage I will look outside"

Don't do this! If you must end the marriage to get physical satisfaction, please do so but do not cheat! It lowers you and your partner


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Stop looking for labels and names for it.

Having an affair will ruin your life, your husband's life, and possibly another family's life if you hook up with a married male. That is utter devastation.

If you are clear with your man that he needs to shape up or can expect to get divorced, you will know for sure whether your husband can ever heal himself.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Was his testosterone level in his blood tested? 
Does he realize that the fact that YOU want it should be very important to him?? He has to respect that you have needs and he has to make a regular attempt to fill that need. Or he's not being a true partner.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

Stop looking for labels and names - that really made me think, because in another thread I commented not to analyze your partners problems, but yours. I think that is completely correct, while it is helpful to understand your spouses problems you should work on yourself. I even wanted to buy him the book on anorexia, but I better don't, maybe it is better to leave analying to his therapist and when he wants to read something he will find it. It is hard however - when you see your spouses problems, it is always easier see problems from outside. 
HIs t-levels are OK btw, he never tested but can please himself.
It is not about cheating - looking outside was an option he suggested, but maybe to avoid my suffering and I even am not sure if I want that or he would be really OK with that.

Question to the men here: is it possioble for a male (with a difficult background) to be very loving, tender and affectionate to a woman and liking physical closeness, but not wanting to have sex or anything erotic? For me the one would lead to the other, but for men?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Of course.
Sex may not be an emotional need of his. Rare but certainly not out of the question.

But in a marriage the man meet's his wife's emotional needs. He gets pleasure and fulfillment from making her happy. That's what you have to figure out... What kind of man is he?

Maybe he doesn't meet your needs becuase you don't meet his? Discovery time.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

He has sexual needs but he would never express them due to his upbringing. I would love to meet his needs, but there are the problems with sexual closesness, not touch otherwise. I asked this because for me it is quite the opposite if I touch and hug then sex would follow naturally or I would block so much physical contact, but that is maybe extreme the other way round.


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## joeobowyer (Oct 11, 2012)

Stop looking for labels and names for it.


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