# The "Cost" of Betrayal



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

That extramarital affair is costing you a fortune - - MSN Money

It starts talking about money, but then gets into the personal cost. Good article.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

One of my biggest red flags was $600.00 withdrawn from the ATM buy my husband. Two weeks in a row. 

Still burns my a$$ when I think about the thousands of dollars over many many years. Pfffffttt.

About the kids learning to keep secrets is a VERY good point too. My girlfriend's teenage daughter was sneaking around and lying to her parents but both her parents have been lying and sneaking around for years.... Very costly indeed!


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

One of the communication "issues" that we had prior to his affair was difficulty talking about money. He's a spender and I'm a saver. One of the things he spends money on is toys, and I would get annoyed by that, and he would get annoyed when I'd try to talk to him about it. But I felt I had to talk about it because sometimes it would get really out of hand. Like thousands of dollars that would go on credit cards. And I'd be scrimping and saving for our future. And sometimes he'd binge spend like there's no tomorrow.

Relatively speaking, he didn't spend much on the OW (on some level, he wonders if he was trying to get caught - I had access to all sorts of information about this). But after D-Day, he was a guilty, emotional wreck with lousy coping skills (and had just agreed to start taking the correct dose of medication for his mental health issues), and he went on another binge spending spree for the first few months. (Many of those expensive post-affair toys have gone unused for a year  )

After things started to simmer down, on his own he voluntarily handed complete control of the finances over to me and agreed to consult with me about any expenditure over $100 (because he does carry a debit card). So things are much better now, but there's a lot of money that was blown on crap while he was trying to "cope" with his anxiety and guilt. And of course, there is the cost of my emotional scars, which continue to this day - I trigger less, but a year and a half after D-Day I do still trigger. And we continue to work on our marriage. Which is much better than it was - we've learned a lot in MC - but one "cost" is that it will always be a different kind of trust than I had before, now that he's had an affair. No more absolute trust - which I really did have before - but the "trust but verify" kind. (He IS working very hard to earn my trust, which helps a lot.)


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Health is a big cost too. I just saw picture of a guy on facebook who's wife left him and man he looks like he's aged 10 years in just a year. 

I'm sure many lose weight from stress and stress can trigger many health issues. 

Good looking guy too. Made me sad for him.

I'm sure a lot of us aged premature due to the constant stress. 

I call it a "cost"


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