# My marriage has crumbled and I don't want to pick up the peices.



## Very (Jun 19, 2013)

I posted before about being unsure how to confront him about my wanting to leave. I was open with him today about everything so I'll explain as best I can.

I got married at 21, I'm 23 now and my H is currently 24. We have no kids.

Our relationship started during my depression and after a little over a year my depression had escalated to were I was suicidal.

There were issues with our relationship before this point. The major one being the lack of sex. We are sexually polar opposites. I need sex like I need food and water and he can (and has, because I wanted to test how long he could go without) not have sex for months (where I cave and beg him).

We have tried many things to get him more interested and they have failed, we have had long discussions about his lack of libido and he has no answers he just says he is broken. I've been very plain about my needs and he simply cannot fill them. I joked once and asked him after a talk, "Am I just stuck like this then?" He responded saying, "Yeah pretty much huh." And laughed a little.

Sexual frustration aside the first real rip in our marriage happened when I finally told him I was suicidal. I explained before that this ended with me comforting him and not getting the support I desperately needed. Since then. I have been emotionally disconnected. I have tried to be there for him emotionally and support him through his changing jobs and his stress/anxiety issues. Without him being able to support me through my recovery. Even with small things he will give up in trying to help after 10-15 minutes if I don't feel any better.

These are the two main issues that our marriage, for the last 10 months or so has been slowly dying. I have not felt love for him for a few months and have no real desire to try again. I feel like I'm being one of those walk away wives or something! 

I have gotten treatment for depression and anxiety. I have been on medications and can say my recovery is going well. I haven't had any "bad days" or suicidal ideations for months. I've even been able to start a new job which before the very idea of would have me in tears.

I am a happier and healthier me. I want to start living, really living. I feel as though as long as I am in a relationship where I don't feel safe in expressing my pains and where he isn't able to talk about emotion I will remain in this stagnant cycle and may even lead to relapse.

We have had two talks so far. One I told him I didn't feel connected to him. He said we should go on dates to reconnect. I didn't really know what to say at the time and I wasn't able to get my point across completely about being unable to connect emotionally to him.

The second talk we had today. I was clear and explained about what I felt during my depression, how the initial rip happened the night I needed him, and that our not being sexually compatible was a really big problem for me. 

He responded as follows. He said that since he was unable to change what happened and that he will try harder now. He said he loves me and doesn't want to just quit. He said he wants to go to MC. He said he is bad at talking about emotions and always has been.

I told him that him just trying harder feels like it may be too little too late. I agreed to MC in the hopes that it will better lay out our problems for him to see and that he will accept our need of separation and eventual divorce.

I'm not sure exactly how well I was able to explain to him that I don't feel I can emotionally reconnect. I went through an incredibly traumatic period of my life and it's changed me in many ways, it's also deeply changed how I see him.

I'm hoping to hear opinions of others. If you think I'm in the wrong or not. I'd like to know what to expect with MC. 

I know every situation is different and I hope to learn from you guys what I can and discussing further!

Thank you all for your help in my last thread and I hope I have been more detailed and thorough in my explanation!  I look forward to hearing from you!


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

The good thing is that you have your depression in check. 

Most men are lousy with emotions and communications. They need a strong wake up call to realize things and that is exactly what you did to your husband. Now why don't you give him one last chance? Place some demands, like you wanting more sex. You probably aren't in the mood to sleep with him, but sex is a good healer and a great way to start connecting again.


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## Very (Jun 19, 2013)

I have tried demanding more sex. It makes me feel bad for even having to ask and he physically can't keep up.

He has also has told me about why he has the problems he does with sex. Apparently his ex fiancé would ask him for sex and then feel miserable/upset about having sex for religious reasons. Now he has this mental block in his head tag sex is a bad thing.

He needs councilling and I need time away. There is more but I have work to get to. I'll explain the rest later


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

I'm having a hard time getting his lack of a sex drive.

Most 24 year old men have insatiable sex drives. They are nothing more than a big bucket of testosterone looking to breed. Sex is on their minds almost all the time.

So, here's what I'm wondering:

1.) Is he a homosexual?
2.) Does he have a secret porn habit?

or
3.) Is he not attracted to you? (least likely, since he married you).

Why did his relationship with his ex-fiance end?

This is an odd situation. You guys are still practically newly-weds after only two years and should be going at it like rabbits.:scratchhead:


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## Very (Jun 19, 2013)

He finally opened up to me about his reasoning behind not having a sex drive.

It goes back to his ex fiancé. Basically she would ask for sex, they'd have sex, an then she would feel guilt/shame/etc. also that it was a mistake to have sex. 

From what he says this has left a metal block about sex in his mind that sex is a bad thing.

He isn't gay and has no porn habits, he has even told me he rarely masturbates. I believed for the longest time that he wasn't physically attracted to me because he didn't want to have sex, he also isn't a cuddly person so we have never been very intimate. He has assured me that isn't true many times.

He has no idea why his relationship with his ex ended. She walked out on him without giving a reason as to why.


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## Very (Jun 19, 2013)

I've also talked to my mother and thankfully have her support. I was worried she would still force me to move out even if I didn't have money to do so.

With her help I have decided that the best corse of action is to get him out of my parents house. My mother won't allow him to live here once we are separated. I'm going to set him a deadline of the end of the first week of July to move out. He can take his belongings, pack up the car and get a room or go back to his parents place. Since I can't drive he can keep the car. I'll even pay my parents the 200 he owes them for it, since I'm assuming he won't pay it once he leaves.


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