# My husband cheated and tells me i need to deal with it



## 1000MILES (Apr 7, 2011)

My husband is in the military and he recently moved to a new duty station and it took me about 4 months to be able to move out here with him. During these 4 months he came home often and i came to visit him often and we got pregnant. Then the last 2 months he was unable to come home and i was unable to visit. I found girls numbers and he confessed to talking to them but never did anything sexual with them. Now I keep catching him in lies so I asked to look at his call log because he swears he is being 100% honest. He immediately gets defensive and long story short admits that he hasnt told me the full truth and that he isnt going to because all it is going to do is cause more problems. He now tells me that I need to let it go because he is going to make things a whole lot worse if I dont. I dont know what to do, we have a 10 month old daughter and a baby on the way. We just moved 1000 miles away from family and friends. I have literally been here a week and have no one. I look like a fool and still cant bring myself to leave him. Advice, PLEASE!!!!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Deal with it then. Go back home and Go find a divorce attorney asap. See if he likes how well you 'deal' with it.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

What does the comment...make things a hole lot worse....mean? Is that a threat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

That is how things started with my H, avoided questions and trying to push me away before he finally came clean. I'm sorry you are feeling alone. I agree with the above, "deal" with it however you feel is the right way, whether it's staying of leaving.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He thinks he has you backed into a corner and he can rule the rost like a bantam rooster. 

What do you mean you look like a fool, you will if you let him get away with this. Pull you socks up and stand up like you are as big a deal as he is. Tell him what you want and need from him like you mean it. Don't beg shout or cry say like you have some self respect. If he repeats the garbage about he can do as he please tell him you agree but not while married to you pack your stuff and travel 1000 miles back home and tell just a few close people what happened. This may end your marriage but if he goes on like this it is already ended. 

Don't be a door mat - you can not stay with a man who loves you so little that he treats you like dirt. Take 1/2 half of the assets and child support and alimony and he can scape together the rest to take women out to dinner after you get your cut.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> He thinks he has you backed into a corner and he can rule the rost like a bantam rooster.
> 
> What do you mean you look like a fool, you will if you let him get away with this. Pull you socks up and stand up like you are as big a deal as he is. Tell him what you want and need from him like you mean it. Don't beg shout or cry say like you have some self respect. If he repeats the garbage about he can do as he please tell him you agree but not while married to you pack your stuff and travel 1000 miles back home and tell just a few close people what happened. This may end your marriage but if he goes on like this it is already ended.
> 
> ...


Well saiid! Roar like the lioness you are, 1000! No need to take crap like that. That is the lowest form of disrespect to you ever!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

He's threatening you. 

If you don't shut up and take it like a good little 1950's house wife, then he'll make life a whole lot worse than what it is now. wtf does "a whole lot worse" mean, exactly? 

Don't become a victim. If he threatens you, give him nothing to threaten about and get the hell out of there before he hurts you more. He's CLEARLY stated that HE WILL HURT YOU. Its FACT now. If you don't shut up, he says you'll have it coming and you'll be sorry.

You can tell him to kiss you where the sun don't shine. The past was his but the future's yours. If he threatens you, he will eventually threaten you children in some way, shape or form later.

Please go home. You have family and friends who love you there. You have people who will stand infront of you if your back is against a wall. He has no power over you. He has already ended your marriage, you just have to finalize it.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Since he is committing adultery, you can report this to his command by filing a grievance with his command. There is a little thing in the military called the UCMJ (Uniformed Code of Military Justice). It is like the 10 Commandments of the Armed Services. 

Adultery is against the UCMJ and is a punishable offense. So, that is one way to handle the situation. Just my two cents.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Threaten to tell his unit commanding officer---one thing the military frowns strongly on is infidelity---don't let him manipulate you---you do not have to take crap from anyone---your H. thinks cuz he is in the service he has a free pass to do whatever----get hard on him, and get right up in his face, and tell him you have just as many rights as he does---and you don't have to take his sh*t


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

By committing adultry, he's disgracing the military and can be punished under UCMJ. You have WAY more pull in making his infidelity ruin him than him ruining you emotionally. BUT, there's a problem that no one here has mentioned yet. You have a young child and another one on the way. You're in a huge bind from pulling the 180 just like I am (I'm 6k miles away from my wife, but you have a child on the way.) 

This will be difficult. You can get him in a lot of trouble, even kicked out of the military ESPECIALLY if he commited adultry with another service member, but then who will support your child if he doesn't have a job? Tough decision. If there's absolutely no chance of reconciliation, file for divorce and I promise that as long as he is in the military, your children will have child support money coming in and there's nothing he can do about it AT ALL. You can also move back home with your family. 

Military is another marriage killer, sorry to say. Deployments, new duty stations, training exercises bla bla blah.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear this. Some more bad things definitely went on and he basically told you that but won't share what it was.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

1000... You have many free resources to use. Contact militaryonesource.com your husband is your sponsor your are eligible for counseling. Goto a base chaplain I am sure they are more than familiar with this issue and it should be confidential. There should also be some sort of family support group on base use them. The best start may be the chaplain if you want confidentiality.
His command structure is an option also. What about his immediate supervisor? His first sergeant, if enlisted. 
If you can take care of one child while he is miles away you can take care of 2. So put up that strong front do not be begging or clingy. Show some tough love and he may have a quicker turn around. Chances are he is in the fog and doesn't want to loose his family at heart.
If you don't have time to read but can listen to podcasts there are some good one at beyond affairs network and hopeandhealing.us

Knowledge is power, stay strong, take care of you and the young one as well as baby inside. Advise your OBGYN of the extra stress.


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## committed4life (Apr 2, 2011)

i am sorry to hear about your situation why not try counseling don't just divorce or do something harsh as reporting him if he is the bread winner only and you are not working should your actions affects is job and he is out of work how will you provide for yourself and the babies, try counseling and then see how it goes from there


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well deal with it. Throw his crap on the front lawn and change the locks.


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