# I fell in love with someone else...



## MorganFitch83 (Jul 6, 2012)

I have never been a member of a support group or blog so I am new to this. I have been married for almost 6 years but recently fell in love with someone else. I met a guy who was a friend of a friend that lived in another city, let's call him Joe. We started talking occasionally and it progressed to talking everyday for hours. My husband works a late shift and since I am a graduate student I am usually at school during the day. Needless to say we do not see each other much during the week. I have been unhappy for sometime and found comfort and conversation in others. I fell in love Joe and my husband found out. We talked through things and decided to try and make our marriage work. Immediately after he found out my husband changed and became very loving and affectionate. Previously it felt as though we were roommates and not husband and wife. It has only been 2 months and things are back to normal, i.e. I'm home alone all the time and we barely talk. What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
Need help, guidance, and a friend. 
~M


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Have you completely cut Joe out of your life ??


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you don't want your marriage to fail, then forget about Joe. Don't contact him. Put all of your energy into your husband/marriage.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have never been a member of a support group or blog so I am new to this. I have been married for almost 6 years but recently fell in love with someone else. I met a guy who was a friend of a friend that lived in another city, let's call him Joe. We started talking occasionally and it progressed to talking everyday for hours. My husband works a late shift and since I am a graduate student I am usually at school during the day. Needless to say we do not see each other much during the week. I have been unhappy for sometime and found comfort and conversation in others. I fell in love Joe and my husband found out. We talked through things and decided to try and make our marriage work. Immediately after he found out my husband changed and became very loving and affectionate. Previously it felt as though we were roommates and not husband and wife. It has only been 2 months and things are back to normal, i.e. I'm home alone all the time and we barely talk. What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
> Need help, guidance, and a friend.
> ~M


If you do not love him, set both of you free by divorcing.

If you love him, drag him to counseling to find out why he is distant and why he was distant, etc. 

Why are you home alone?

If it's he's out with the boys, nip this. 

If he needs to work long hours, then he can't help leaving you alone to earn money.

I like being alone, I can always find something to do. Some people hate or fear being alone, maybe IC can help you


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## MorganFitch83 (Jul 6, 2012)

I have cut him completely out of my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him everyday. I have tried to put my energy into my marriage but it seems useless. The EA started because I felt unwanted or loved and Joe was like my best friends. I felt like he was always there for me when my husband wasn't. I could never talk to my husband about serious issues so it made it difficult to come forward and say I was unhappy.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

So start talking to your husband about serious issues. Make sure he realizes that these issues are serious. If he doesn't listen, suggest counseling. If he won't go to counseling and won't work on these serious issues, then you have a decision to make.

The only two correct decisions are:

1) To stay in the marriage and work on your issues, or 
2) To leave the marriage. 

The incorrect decision (one that only results in disaster) is to cheat.


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## loveisforever (Jun 21, 2012)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have cut him completely out of my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him everyday. I have tried to put my energy into my marriage but it seems useless. The EA started because I felt unwanted or loved and Joe was like my best friends. I felt like he was always there for me when my husband wasn't. I could never talk to my husband about serious issues so it made it difficult to come forward and say I was unhappy.


Please explain why you still love your husband. Is Joe better for you?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

A man never looks more useless than when he is working a night shift in order to provide for his family. He pails in comparison to other men who have nobody except themselves to provide for financially.
This is especially true if the failure of a husband is trying to support his wife during her graduate studies in order to further her education and eventually be able to leave him high and dry.
I feel for your plight MorganFitch83.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

The one thing I know about Joe is that he pursued a married woman and probably doesn't care. Joe is your best friend because you let him in -- and of course he didn't want to miss his opportunity. BTW -- you are having an affair. It is an EA at the moment. Also anything with Joe is all a fantasy -- because you really don;t know anything about him -- except what he told you and let me assure you he was quite charming and saying all the right things. 

BTW -- is Joe married ??

You need to do everything you can to repair your marriage -- and once you and your husband have done that and it is still not repaired -- then you can divorce and know deep down in your heart you did everything possible.

The worst thing is to turn your EA into a PA. Just remember -- if Joe started an EA with you ( a married woman) he is very capable of doing it to you as well.

Step wisely on how you proceed.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have cut him completely out of my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him everyday. I have tried to put my energy into my marriage but it seems useless. The EA started because I felt unwanted or loved and Joe was like my best friends. I felt like he was always there for me when my husband wasn't. I could never talk to my husband about serious issues so it made it difficult to come forward and say I was unhappy.


Perhaps he became distant again because he senses you are only TRYING TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK. 

If you are not INTO it, he will sense it. 

Maybe he gave up thinking he was doing all the heavy lifting even though you cheated.

It's natural to pull away in that case, he is guarding his heart. He does not want to be hurt again.

Why does he leave you alone? Is he at work?


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

jh52 said:


> The one thing I know about Joe is that he pursued a married woman and probably doesn't care. Joe is your best friend because you let him in -- and of course he didn't want to miss his opportunity. BTW -- you are having an affair. It is an EA at the moment. Also anything with Joe is all a fantasy -- because you really don;t know anything about him -- except what he told you and let me assure you he was quite charming and saying all the right things.
> 
> BTW -- is Joe married ??
> 
> ...


Morgan

I agree with this post, Joe thought nothing of poaching a married woman.

Not a nice guy by any standard.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have never been a member of a support group or blog so I am new to this. I have been married for almost 6 years but recently fell in love with someone else. I met a guy who was a friend of a friend that lived in another city, let's call him Joe. We started talking occasionally and it progressed to talking everyday for hours. My husband works a late shift and since I am a graduate student I am usually at school during the day. Needless to say we do not see each other much during the week. I have been unhappy for sometime and found comfort and conversation in others. I fell in love Joe and my husband found out. *We talked through things and decided to try and make our marriage work*. Immediately after he found out my husband changed and became very loving and affectionate. Previously it felt as though we were roommates and not husband and wife. It has only been 2 months and things are back to normal, i.e. I'm home alone all the time and we barely talk. What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
> Need help, guidance, and a friend.
> ~M


Did you really decide on this or are you just trying to convince your H you decided this?

Your H is being loving and affectionate because that's how he thinks the marriage will survive right now. Most betrayed H's on this site went through that. Personally, knowing now what I didn't know when my W cheated, if I were your H and I knew how you really felt I would divorce you.

If you were really remorseful you would not feel bad about ending the affair, or it could be just that it will take time for you to get out of the fog, or the "high", from your affair, meanwhile every time your thoughts slip to the OM you are making reconciliation more difficult and painful for both of you.

Get off the fence and do what you know you want to do. Is the OM married? If so don't expect a real relationship with him - right now its just a really believeable fantasy, in real life chances are he will throw you under the bus if his W catches on. If you don't want to be married then you need to divorce your H as gracefully as possible (if that is possible).


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> Morgan
> 
> I agree with this post, Joe thought nothing of poaching a married woman.
> 
> Not a nice guy by any standard.


Yes and if he'll do it for her, he'll eventually get around to doing it to her.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Morgan, your husband is working nights to support his family and so you can go to Grad School and this is how you repay him? Of course he's not responsive, he's tired from work, and his wife isn't being loyal. That would make anyone unresponsive. What have you done to HELP him? Maybe if you thought as much about him as you do about "Joe", your marriage would be in a better place. You might be a really good person, but you are coming off as quite selfish. He is doing the work and you aren't exactly being the good wife, are you? Before you point fingers at your husband maybe you should point one at yourself. Think so?


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Do him a favour by leaving him, he can do better than you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have never been a member of a support group or blog so I am new to this. I have been married for almost 6 years but recently fell in love with someone else. I met a guy who was a friend of a friend that lived in another city, let's call him Joe. We started talking occasionally and it progressed to talking everyday for hours. My husband works a late shift and since I am a graduate student I am usually at school during the day. Needless to say we do not see each other much during the week. I have been unhappy for sometime and found comfort and conversation in others. I fell in love Joe and my husband found out. We talked through things and decided to try and make our marriage work. Immediately after he found out my husband changed and became very loving and affectionate. Previously it felt as though we were roommates and not husband and wife. It has only been 2 months and things are back to normal, i.e. I'm home alone all the time and we barely talk. What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
> Need help, guidance, and a friend.
> ~M


Stop calling joe and start calling your husband. did you ever think that maybe you calling Joe rather than your husband maybe the reason you distanced yourself. I think your fundamental law is you are seeking to justify your relationship with your H by blaming it on your failing relationship. When maybe your relation is failing because you are calling and giving all of your affection and attention to this guy who is not your H. What do you think happened when you fell for this guy. You think that you honestly gave your H the time and attention he deserves? I doubt it you fell for this guy and the love and affection is gone because you are giving it away to someone else. Your husband probably is pulling away because he knows you well enough to know you are screwing him over. 
You need to get your head right and figure out what's important in life. 
Do you realize this OM is just trying to get you into bed. He will say and do anything and then once he has you on the line he will hold you there stringing you along. Your marriage will crumble and you will not have a husband with vows and love there any more. Plus once the OM realizes that this casual little fling is over and you want more he will drop you like a rock and move on to a less drama filled relationship. 
We have seen this play out over and over again this isn't a special circumstance. You aren't telling us a story we have not heard before. You are cheating on your husband and breaking your vows. period.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

my opinion...if you really love your husband you will forget about Joe. If you are alone all day, get a job or find a place to do some volunteer work and get out and socialize with others..

You have to talk to your husband and spend time together when you can. If you have nothing in common and don't enjoy each other's company then you shouldn't be together....


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

What about learning to speak to your husband? What about trying to make amends, improve the marriage, to act loving towards your hardworking husband so he can repay equally? It seem you don't give a dime about how you hurt him.
What about geting a job so your share that burden with your husband? Maybe then he could get another shift.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have cut him completely out of my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him everyday. I have tried to put my energy into my marriage but it seems useless. The EA started because I felt unwanted or loved and Joe was like my best friends. I felt like he was always there for me when my husband wasn't. I could never talk to my husband about serious issues so it made it difficult to come forward and say I was unhappy.


It can take a long time to go through withdrawal.
See a doctor and get some anto depressants. 

Maintain NC. As soon as NC is broken you have to start all over again.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

You are trapped in a marriage with someone other than your true love because your husband works hard to financially help support you through graduate school, and the other man (OM) does not. Without the financial obligation, the other man (OM) has all the time in the world to court a married women. I see why this is so difficult for you. After catching you cheating in an emotional affair (EA), your husband refused to be just a meal ticket as you pursued happiness with the OM, and the OM has not agreed to take over helping you through graduate school if you leave your husband for him. You are therefore being forced by your husband to make a choice when you wanted it both ways. You enjoyed the cake eating and clearly you miss it. If only your husband would agree to let you use him until you have your degree and can throw him away with the trash.

You are not really in reconciliation as you have no remorse. There can be no true reconciliation without remorse. You cannot give your husband a fair chance as long as the OM is in your heart instead of your husband. There cannot be 3 in a marraige. You are simply waiting for things to cool down before you take it deeper underground as you are an unrepentant cheater that is using your marriage to extract money form some poor soul that foolishly still loves you. If your husband were posting, I would be telling him to run from you and not look back.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have never been a member of a support group or blog so I am new to this. I have been married for almost 6 years but recently fell in love with someone else. I met a guy who was a friend of a friend that lived in another city, let's call him Joe. We started talking occasionally and it progressed to talking everyday for hours. My husband works a late shift and since I am a graduate student I am usually at school during the day. Needless to say we do not see each other much during the week. I have been unhappy for sometime and found comfort and conversation in others. I fell in love Joe and my husband found out. We talked through things and decided to try and make our marriage work. Immediately after he found out my husband changed and became very loving and affectionate. Previously it felt as though we were roommates and not husband and wife. It has only been 2 months and things are back to normal, i.e. I'm home alone all the time and we barely talk. What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
> Need help, guidance, and a friend.
> ~M


The hell is wrong with you? Your husband is working night shifts to fund your education and you go around looking for other men? 

Pack your stuff up and move in with joe, your husband is way outta your league.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

keko said:


> The hell is wrong with you? Your husband is working night shifts to fund your education and you go around looking for other men?
> 
> Pack your stuff up and move in with joe, your husband is way outta your league.


I agree whole heartedly with this post.

Let your husband go. There are plenty of women out there who would respect him and appreciate his hard work and paying for school and who would remain faithful.

Do him a favor and let him go so he can find that type of women. 

On the other hand, I think you already know that joe is not husband material and that is why you stay with your hardworking husband.


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## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

WOMEN ARE CRAYZ, 
ok what IF you went with JOe and he was an A** hole. they grass not always greeneer on other side.

atleast have a respect for your husband who risk his health working late to provide a living for you. just think about that. 

think about how you feel if it was the way around.


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## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

Damn it, everyone after JOE the Plumber


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

MorganFitch83 said:


> What do I do..... I still care for the other person (Joe) but don't want my marriage to fail.
> ~M


For starters see Joe for what he is: 

- A boy who's got free time to talk for hours and hours. 
- A boy who hasn't been able to attract a girl of his own. Which is why he's free to talk for hours and hours.
- A threat to your marriage.
- A threat to your husbands soul.
- A boy with such little respect for others, that he is chasing a married woman with the hope of having sex with her. 

And before you say, "no, Joe is a great guy who's my friend" - realize that NO MAN. NO MAN, puts hours of time talking every day into any relationship with a member of the opposite sex unless he thinks he will be getting sex.


When you think of Joe you should think of him as the pathetic looser he is. He's using your husband's absence to move in and bed you. Sorry, but worthy guys do not pull crap like that. A worthy guy would look at a married woman who was spending that much time on him and say to himself, this chick is way to easy. I pity the guy she's married too, and he would move on because he wouldn't want to touch a chick with such poor boundaries with a ten foot pole.

Not Joe however, he's just pathetic and desperate enough to pursue a married woman, because he doesn't care if she has horrible boundaries, he's just hoping to get laid.

That's the reality of Joe - and the sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be. 

You've been married for 6 years to a man who works hard, and who doesn't screw around.

And that's the reality of your husband.

Which one is the actual attractive man?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Something must have fetched the Fitch. She stopped at her second post.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

MorganFitch83 said:


> I have cut him completely out of my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him everyday. I have tried to put my energy into my marriage but it seems useless. The EA started because I felt unwanted or loved and Joe was like my best friends. I felt like he was always there for me when my husband wasn't. I could never talk to my husband about serious issues so it made it difficult to come forward and say I was unhappy.


This advice applies to everything in your life. You put effort into something, you get the results. You put effort into your relationship with Joe, hence the attachment. Also think about Joe. Why would you like a guy who is having affairs with a married woman? Think about it. Say one of your sibling or friend(married) is having a relationship similar to what you have with another guy, what would you think about him?

And how old are you guys? What does Joe do?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

hookares said:


> Something must have fetched the Fitch. She stopped at her second post.


Can't possibly imagine why that would be ...

People don't decide to post here to be punching bags, let alone decide to come back for more at the whim of those doing the punching.

The woman posted exactly what was going on, why she felt conflicted and reached out for help in processing it.

And she got jumped.

And posters got banned.

Anyone on these boards is allowed to convey their anger, disapproval, or pain ... but it simply needn't cross over into personal attacks, speculation, and then personal attack based on speculation.

I hope she does come back. There is a great deal of wisdom to be had here ... and no one, regardless of their circumstances should have to endure hazing to benefit from it.

Thread will be reopened at request of the Original Poster MorganFitch. Send a PM if that is your wish.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

hookares said:


> A man never looks more useless than when he is working a night shift in order to provide for his family. He pails in comparison to other men who have nobody except themselves to provide for financially.
> This is especially true if the failure of a husband is trying to support his wife during her graduate studies in order to further her education and eventually be able to leave him high and dry.
> I feel for your plight MorganFitch83.


She won't see the message, but well put!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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