# bad habits: Avoid self punishment, self-forgive instead?



## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

I never completely broke my porn habit since I got married. It's VERY VERY much smaller than before. I'd say every 3 months or so I take a peek. But it doesn't last long, and I never masturbate to it. I used to punish myself mentally VERY VERY severely for continuing this habit while married. However a year or two go (perhaps around the same time I decided to stop being a **** to my wife) I decided to stop punishing *myself*. Instead, I totally forgive myself 100% and I just keep telling myself: "You don't want or need this. You have a wife who loves you. Plus, you have things you'd rather spend your time doing." I continuously tell myself this whenever tempted. I'm not sure if I'll ever 100% totally break it, but it seems to be more effective overall than beating the living hell out of myself mentally.

By the way, I totally came clean to my wife about the habit in 2013 or so. She basically said she didn't want to hear about it and forgives me but said its ok if I mess up sometimes just don't tell her. So that's where I've left it with her...

I was just wondering if "forgiving oneself" is a common technique for dealing with mental health issues where self-esteem/self regard are involved.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You may get some better advice on some kind of 'no-fap' website than here. 

I'm not sure many of the people here are all that anti porn unless it is causing some kind of problem and without knowing your background I don't see where this is a problem. 

If you are truly only taking a 'peek' every few months and if you aren't spanking to it to where you are giving something your wife wants to a towel, I don't see the issue. 

Even your wife doesn't seem to really care as long as it isn't costing her anything or she doesn't have to know about etc. 

This sounds like more of some kind of Catholic guilt type thing or some kind of personal hang up rather than an actual porn issue. 

If you were spanking to porn all the time and not giving your wife the attention and loving that she wants, then I'd say it was a problem.

If you were into child porn, that would be a problem. 

If you weren't getting to work on time or getting the things you needed to do around the house or with your kids, that would be a problem.

If you were getting in trouble at work for inappropriate use of work computers or weren't getting your work done, that would be a problem. 

But taking a 'peek' every few months and not denying your wife any of her attention or anything like that, I don't see a problem with porn here. 

Sounds like more a personal hang up and issue than an actual porn problem to me.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Yes it is. Forgiving yourself, loving yourself, and caring for yourself are pretty much the only ways to ever heal from almost any psychological problem. That and taking any meds they give you.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I never feel the need to forgive myself. I know when I did wrong and then move on with my life trying never to do it again. What would punishing myself accomplish. I do not need to forgive myself for being myself.


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