# Frustrated



## briarrose (Dec 17, 2009)

My husband and I have been married for 14 months. There are two pieces of info that together are leaving me incredibly frustrated. The first is that when we got married, he was severely in debt, almost 80 thousand. Also, when we got married, he had been fired from his job with 3 months notice. At the end of those 3 months, around January, he started to look for a job, had a couple of leads, but they feel through. Then, for visa reasons, he could not work again until March. 

My salary alone does not cover our living expenses, largely because we are paying off his sizable debt. I had saved up some money before we married, and agreed to use some of that to cover us until March when he could work again. March came and went. He has been working on his computer, trying to start up a website. It is now almost a full year since he's been out of work, and he hasn't made any effort to find a job. When we talk about my frustration with that fact, he says that I'm wrong, he has looked. He means the couple attempts in January, and then in October I had emailed a few people I knew in the same field to see if he could get an interview. The one interview he got didn't pan out and he stopped looking. 

I don't know what to do. I've told him how concerned I am about our finances and how I don't want to complete deplete my savings. I just don't think it's fair that I work, he stays at home, and we use up my savings to pay off his debt. 

It's gotten to the point where he went food shopping today and bought an extra package of hamburger rolls, and I was so upset about the wasted money that I couldn't even bring myself to sit with him at dinner (or eat the meal that he had obviously lovingly cooked). 

I love him and I don't want to leave him, but I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

Any advice?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Did he disclose the debt before he proposed to you?

Why is he not aggressively job searching?



briarrose said:


> My husband and I have been married for 14 months. There are two pieces of info that together are leaving me incredibly frustrated. The first is that when we got married, he was severely in debt, almost 80 thousand. Also, when we got married, he had been fired from his job with 3 months notice. At the end of those 3 months, around January, he started to look for a job, had a couple of leads, but they feel through. Then, for visa reasons, he could not work again until March.
> 
> My salary alone does not cover our living expenses, largely because we are paying off his sizable debt. I had saved up some money before we married, and agreed to use some of that to cover us until March when he could work again. March came and went. He has been working on his computer, trying to start up a website. It is now almost a full year since he's been out of work, and he hasn't made any effort to find a job. When we talk about my frustration with that fact, he says that I'm wrong, he has looked. He means the couple attempts in January, and then in October I had emailed a few people I knew in the same field to see if he could get an interview. The one interview he got didn't pan out and he stopped looking.
> 
> ...


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## briarrose (Dec 17, 2009)

Yes, I knew about the debt before we got married.

He is not actively searching because he thinks he won't find anything since he does not have great references from previous employers.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

If you were my daughter I would simply ask you a question. Did he tell you he planned to be a house husband before you married? If he had would you have agreed to marry him? If not, then end it now. He isn't simply unemployed - he believes he is unemployable. I don't think you can change that and it sounds like he doesn't care to change his attitude. 

WHY is he 80K in debt?



briarrose said:


> Yes, I knew about the debt before we got married.
> 
> He is not actively searching because he thinks he won't find anything since he does not have great references from previous employers.


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