# Need some advice



## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

I'm really new to this whole forum thing, but I need some outsiders opinions. I'm 23 married and have 3 kids. My wife's parents just got a divorce at the beginning of this year. I know she's been going through a lot. She didn't want to be near her mom so we moved across the country back to her home state. We first got up here it was good for the first to weeks. The. She started hanging out with her old friend and now she's gone every night. She is out partying and acting like a teenager. There's been no intimacy at all maybe twice since March. I don't know what to do I know she's going through a lot do I just let her run out all the time or do I just walk away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> I'm really new to this whole forum thing, but I need some outsiders opinions. I'm 23 married and have 3 kids. My wife's parents just got a divorce at the beginning of this year. I know she's been going through a lot. She didn't want to be near her mom so we moved across the country back to her home state. We first got up here it was good for the first to weeks. The. She started hanging out with her old friend and now she's gone every night. She is out partying and acting like a teenager. There's been no intimacy at all maybe twice since March. I don't know what to do I know she's going through a lot do I just let her run out all the time or do I just walk away?


Sounds like it's time for a talk. Stay calm, rational, and level-headed, but let her know that it's time to cut out the bullsh*t. And be prepared to walk if she refuses to do so.

You should also be prepared for her to drop the "You can't control me!" card. And, honestly, that's 100% correct... you can't control what she does.

But you _can_ control how you respond to it.


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

See I've tried this whole thing of just letting it pass. Anytime I try and talk about it she just yells and leaves. I work 12 hour days and the minute I come home she's out the door. I don't know if she's having an affair or just hanging out with her friend so I'm constantly worried about our marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

What marriage?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> See I've tried this whole thing of just letting it pass. Anytime I try and talk about it she just yells and leaves. I work 12 hour days and the minute I come home she's out the door. I don't know if she's having an affair or just hanging out with her friend so I'm constantly worried about our marriage.


Might be an affair. Either way, you're being far too passive.

Again, tell her to either cut out the bullsh*t or hit the bricks.

Also, you might want to start documenting when she's leaving and how long she's staying out.


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

You think I should divorce? I am asking on here because I literally have no friends I'm going out of town here on Sunday and I'm kind of worried as to what will happen when I'm gone...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Ronniev239 said:


> See I've tried this whole thing of just letting it pass. Anytime I try and talk about it she just yells and leaves. I work 12 hour days and the minute I come home she's out the door. I don't know if she's having an affair or just hanging out with her friend so I'm constantly worried about our marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Has she always yelled, or is this a recent thing? So, you come home from working a 12 hr day, she yells at you and then leaves you with three kids, and you have no idea where she goes?.... It sounds affair-ish. You need to do some investigating and find out where she is going, and who she is hanging out with.

That sort of abrupt change in behavior is not good, and definitely not acceptable, especially in a marriage. Don't just sit back and let her get away with it with no ramifications. If you stay passive, she will just continue to push the boundaries...


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

My thing is anytime I've mentioned leaving she holds the kids over my head and makes me feel like **** about it. I feel like I'm trapped
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> You think I should divorce? I am asking on here because I literally have no friends I'm going out of town here on Sunday and I'm kind of worried as to what will happen when I'm gone...


Again, I think you should tell her to either cut out the bullsh*t or hit the bricks.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Why are you afraid of losing her? From what you said, she's not there anyway. 

What are you getting out of a relationship like this? 

Why doesn't she want to spend time at home with you?


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

Tito Santana said:


> Has she always yelled, or is this a recent thing? So, you come home from working a 12 hr day, she yells at you and then leaves you with three kids, and you have no idea where she goes?.... It sounds affair-ish. You need to do some investigating and find out where she is going, and who she is hanging out with.
> 
> That sort of abrupt change in behavior is not good, and definitely not acceptable, especially in a marriage. Don't just sit back and let her get away with it with no ramifications. If you stay passive, she will just continue to push the boundaries...


I come home she leaves goes to her friends house who she's know for years but her friend is never there so she hangs out with her mom. And she hardly texts me . She's always yelled just not this often normally I was the yeller when we faught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> My thing is anytime I've mentioned leaving she holds the kids over my head and makes me feel like **** about it. I feel like I'm trapped


You need to stop that sh*t before it even starts. If she cared so damn much about the children, she wouldn't be out and about doing God knows what (or who) every damn night.

Again, tell her to cut out the bullsh*t or GTFO. There's nothing else to discuss. Just keep repeating that.


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## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Ronniev239 said:


> My thing is anytime I've mentioned leaving she holds the kids over my head and makes me feel like **** about it. I feel like I'm trapped
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like Gus said, document her whereabouts. It's not sounding like she is currently a fit mother.


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

anchorwatch said:


> Why are you afraid of losing her? From what you said, she's not there anyway.


I'm afraid of someone else taking care of my kids. Honestly the man reason I've stayed this long is because I love my kids. And I always thought that they needed there mommy and daddy together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

Tito Santana said:


> Like Gus said, document her whereabouts. It's not sounding like she is currently a fit mother.


I don't even want to go in on that part of this,lol . There's so much to go through with this situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

I agree man. I'm gunna have to try and talk to hear about all this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

what is she holding over you about the kids? that she'll get sole custody of you split up? from what you've described that doesn't sound likely. she is controlling everything right now. you have to draw a line in the sand and hold firm. 
23 and three kids? I am assuming all 3 kids are offspring from the two of you. you started young. sounds like she is making up for some lost youth. when I was 23 I was married but I didn't have kids. I was young and crazy and having fun.
has she ever acted like this before?
whose idea was it to move to this place since you seem to know no one?
among her old fiends are there some old boy friends?
Gus is right on this one.


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

No she has never acted like this before. We used to always be together we'd watch tv play video games everything. It was her and her dads idea to live up here. She told me things would be different and nice we'd have a babysitter all the time and go on dates and stuff. We haven't had one babysitter in three months. I know she's had bfs here but I know she don't talk to them on Facebook or anything but idk.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Maneo said:


> what is she holding over you about the kids? that she'll get sole custody of you split up? from what you've described that doesn't sound likely. she is controlling everything right now. you have to draw a line in the sand and hold firm.
> 23 and three kids? I am assuming all 3 kids are offspring from the two of you. you started young. sounds like she is making up for some lost youth. when I was 23 I was married but I didn't have kids. I was young and crazy and having fun.
> has she ever acted like this before?
> whose idea was it to move to this place since you seem to know no one?
> ...


Yes Maneo and Gus are on the mark.

You are a man so you have to protect yourself get a voice activated recorder a good sony or olympus one forget radio shack.

Let's face it she hasn't been intimate with you there is likely someone else.
Get a VAR for her car.
Then listen to a few guys on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/user/MorgueToeTag/videos

https://www.youtube.com/user/SandmanMGTOW/videos

https://www.youtube.com/user/redonkulaspopp/videos


Be calm and if she gets all huffy puffy just say "I'm sorry you feel that way"
Get someone to babysit so you can check up on her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> I'm afraid of someone else taking care of my kids. Honestly the man reason I've stayed this long is because I love my kids. And I always thought that they needed there mommy and daddy together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But Mommy and Daddy _aren't_ together right now. Additionally, neither Mommy nor Daddy can control what the other does.

But Daddy _can_ call Mommy out on her bullsh*t, and then tell her to either shape up or ship out.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> No she has never acted like this before. We used to always be together we'd watch tv play video games everything. It was her and her dads idea to live up here. She told me things would be different and nice we'd have a babysitter all the time and go on dates and stuff. We haven't had one babysitter in three months. I know she's had bfs here but I know she don't talk to them on Facebook or anything but idk.


Just a thought... 

Why would she need to talk w/ them on Facebook when she's going out to see them every night?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Just a thought...
> 
> Why would she need to talk w/ them on Facebook when she's going out to see them every night?


Ron we have been through the ringer before so to speak I am not smarter than you just because I'm older (48):surprise:

Please have some co worker or trusted friend follow her some night and get the VARs asap!

Can you call your parents or other relatives for $$$ IF it comes to that.
Please think ahead.
Peace.


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## Ronniev239 (Jul 10, 2015)

I'm going to Florida this weekend I already have a voice recorder her dad used it to find out about her mom. But I'm going to Florida to see my parents. So part of me just hopes that maybe while I'm gone she'll realize that she's ****ing up but I'm not holding my breath at this point


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Ronniev239 said:


> I'm going to Florida this weekend I already have a voice recorder her dad used it to find out about her mom. But I'm going to Florida to see my parents. So part of me just hopes that maybe while I'm gone she'll realize that she's ****ing up but I'm not holding my breath at this point


Stick it in her car and put one in the house my man.
Nip this now and you have a chance. VAR that is lol


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ronniev239 said:


> I'm going to Florida this weekend I already have a voice recorder her dad used it to find out about her mom. But I'm going to Florida to see my parents. So part of me just hopes that maybe while I'm gone she'll realize that she's ****ing up but I'm not holding my breath at this point


Just wondering... does your father-in-law happen to post here as well?

Either way, you should probably read through weightlifter's "Standard Evidence Post" thread over in the "Coping With Infidelity" forum, as it's chock full of VAR tips and tricks.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Just wondering... does your father-in-law happen to post here as well?
> 
> Either way, you should probably read through weightlifter's "Standard Evidence Post" thread over in the "Coping With Infidelity" forum, as it's chock full of VAR tips and tricks.


This^^^
And look up the term NAWALT and AWALT.
I know you will be shocked but food for thought.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

One last thing.
Ask your parents money for a PI if you can.
Take care.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

One more vid I promise:smile2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYpViWZQScg


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Ronniev239 said:


> I'm afraid of someone else taking care of my kids. Honestly the man reason I've stayed this long is because I love my kids. And I always thought that they needed there mommy and daddy together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What they need is parents who can be whole mature individuals. Two would be desirable. Its harder but one can do it. If not your wife, then you?

Since your wife is stepping out on them and you, who can they depend of for that? 

Ron, it's time to put your big boy pants on and start making the best decisions concerning their welfare and yours, without fear of losing your wife. You can't do anything about her behavior, you can only control what you do and what's best for you children. If she wants she can join in or not.


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