# wife's cheating



## confusedhubby0422

I am looking for advice, and any would be appreciated. i will try to keep this as brief as possible. i will try to keep this as brief as possible. i recently discover my wife is cheating on me. i have not informed her that i know, yet. i came home from work one day, she was not home, but i went upstairs to change. right in the middle of the bed was 4 unused magnum xl condoms. i was very upset, very confused and wasn't sure what to do. i took a picture and then hid them. i searched the trash cans and everything for used condoms, but didnt find any. regardless, we do not use condoms, so they had to come from somewhere. i ran through all the things i was going to say to her when she got home.. i didnt say anything. i didnt want her to somehow try to explain away the condoms, i wanted to verify first. anyway, i spent the next couple days upset, hurt and all those other emotions. not only was she cheating, but obviously it was with someone who was much, much bigger than me. so, among all the other feelings of hurt and everything i also feel inadequate.

ok, trying to keep short even though there are a ton more details. anyway, i am a computer guy by trade so i figured i would setup camera in the bedroom and then just see what happens. i did that and lets just say that i have proof, and while for whatever reason i assumed it would just be like one guy she was having an affair with. but it seems that one her lunch breaks she comes home and she has what i can tell is at least a couple different black guys that she has sex with. not at the same time.. anyway. now that i have the proof.. its been a few weeks now, i still haven't said anything. i dont exactly know what to do. i mean, i am devastated, i dont want to leave her, but i feel like i am inadequate and cannot satisfy her, which is why she is doing this. so, if i say something she will either leave or tell me she is going to quit, but she won't because she will still need that satisfaction.. please, any help is appreciated..


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## Silverlining

My dagger is glowing


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## EleGirl

Sorry that you find yourself in need of this forum.

Be very careful of the videos you took of her and them. Look up the video taping laws in your state. Most states have laws that state that people have the right to privacy in certain places.. like bathrooms and bedrooms. Put the tapes somewhere safe and do not show them to anyone.

Obviously you have all the evidence you need to go for divorce.

The way your wife is cheating is pretty bad. This is not a relationship where she is getting emotional needs met. She's engaging in very risky sexual behavior. Where is she meeting these guys? At work? Or is she using something like craigslist or AFF to hook up with them? Is it always the same 2 guys? And to top it off, she’s doing it in your bed.

With the videos; with the risky behavior which often means a sexual addiction or seeking out risky behavior with no concerns for oneself or the spouse; with her bringing strange men into your home and having sex on your bed; I’m not sure how you get over this to reconcile.
Some precautions are in order. Do not have sex with her again and get an STD test. She will need to get one as well.
If you want to get more evidence…..

Does your wife use a computer at home? If you can put a keylogger on it for more evidence and to monitor her. Again look up the laws because you need to protect yourself there.

Another thing that many people do is to put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in the WS's car. Secure it to the underside of the driver's seat with adhesive back Velcro.

Before you confront her you need a plan. But first. Do the two of you have children? If so how many and what age?


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## JustSomeGuyWho

First, I'm very sorry you are here. You've come to the right place.

Second, her cheating has nothing to do with your pen!s size and everything to do with her character. 

I wouldn't spend one second worrying about whether you can satisfy her adequately and concern yourself with stopping this behavior. If you have adequate evidence then you will need to confront. There are many here who will help you with suggestions on how to do that.


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## Jasel

Maybe some more background. How long have you guys been married. Do you have kids? Do you both work? Has her behavior changed recently? Do either of you have a history of cheating? What is the state of your marriage like? etc.

Oh and like JSG said I wouldn't even worry about the penis thing. That's probably not even an issue. That's just something apparently us guys get hung up on.


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## stevehowefan

Uhmm, fo realz?


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## NatureDave

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought I would have an experience like this to share...


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## thatbpguy

OK, here is what I would do….

Clearly the relationship is gone. I like the “shock & awe” method.

1) Set up, but do not launch, a website with all the pics, videos, emails, texts… you can muster and give it an appropriate title.
2) File for divorce and also obtain a restraining order barring her from your place.
3) As best you can arrange your finances to benefit you.
4) On the appointed day do the following:
A) Close the bank account or remove a satisfactory amount and close all credit card accounts.
B) Close the cell phone account if it is joint.
C) Change the locks on your place.
D) Launch the website.
E) Send copies of all evidence to friends and family, Facebook, coworkers… to support your actions to shame and expose her.
F) When she arrives home she will find, on the doorstep, a folder with the divorce papers, restraining order, and copies of the evidence. 

Then follow through with the divorce and let her play the wh0re.


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## the guy

Where the hell is your self respect man?

I know your hurting...I've been their and it was the 2x4 to my head by a good friend that set me straight and face the reality that #1 I will not share my wife and #2 letting her go was best option.

Once she saws my confidence in letting her go she saw what she was about to lose if she continued!

Man up and command respect by confronting her, burning the bed, and asking her to leave if she want to continue with this crap!

Never reveal your souces...as far as your wife is concerned you hired a PI....this tactic will still give the tools to verify if what she tells you and what she actually dose.

So again confront but never reveal your sources.


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## confusedhubby0422

Thanks everyone for the quick and nice responses. i will try to respond to everything. 

I have not shown the tapes to anyone, nor would i, except the wife to show her that i know. I have looked into divorce. we are in ohio and it is a no fault state. meaning, they don't care who did what, no one is to blame. she can go sleep with everyone she wants and there really is no legal consquence. 

the one black guy is someone that works for her. the other one may be too, i'm not sure. the guy that works for her, i have met before. she doesn't have a computer at home. my computer is there, but she doesn't really use it. it's possible she uses her computer at work, or possibly her phone. which has a lock on it so i cant get in it. as far as more than two guys. i think it's actually 3, but i can't prove it.. but all black guys. that part i guess doesn't really matter, but just saying.

we do have kids.. ages 8 and 5. which is obviously another reason i dont want to get divorced. but i just don't know. the relationship seemed like it was going well. we had issues maybe 6 - 8 months ago, just normal stuff i guess.i mean we get along, we don't fight too much. inthe last 6 months or so she has been really happy, has been really nice to me and just seemed to be genuinely happy. i guess maybe now i know why... that makes me feel even worse..


i have not had sex with her since i found out.. i have not gone to the doctor. i didn't even think about that. i guess i just assumed that since i found the condoms, at least she was being safe and i didn't really think too much about the STD aspect. 

as far as the penis size comments, i appreciate it. but i really think it might, because well.. i don't want to get graphic or detailed, but they were really big.. and i certianly haven't made her sound like that. 

there has been no history of cheating, as far as i know anyway. i just never really thought about it. 

again, thank you everyone for your responses and help.


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## badmemory

Confused,

Having sex in your bed with multiple partners? I don't know how or why you waited this long to confront her, but at this point you can't be concerned about losing her. She obviously isn't concerned about losing you.

In a situation like this, D should be your plan A. Confront her. Don't tell her how you know, just that you know. Take the cameras down, if you haven't already, so she won't find them. You have all you need. 

If, after you confront, she comes clean and and is slobber spitting remorseful, you can consider delaying the D. That is if and only if, you still want to R with this woman. If she's not remorseful, then it's over. Go get your D and get on with your life.

Even if she appears to be remorseful, don't make a decision now. Ask her to leave your house and tell her you need time to think things through. Separate for a time to get your thoughts together. In the mean time, let us know what her reaction to your confrontation is, and check back for further advice on what to do. That advice will depend on what she says and does. 

You don't give information on how long you've been married or kids. More background on your marriage would be important for us to know. 

Others may tell you to just send her packing. Can't argue with that given the blatant disrespect of stooping strange guys in your own bed. Wow.


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## the guy

DO NOT SHOW HER THE TAPES!!!!!!!!!


NEVER EVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!


Dude your chick will see and feel how confident you are when you confront, you don't have to prove anything....she knows what she is doing and she will know you know by how confident you are in letting her go.

At the very least you can confirm by mentioning that "even a STD test would be good, I have confirmation that you are at least using protection.


Also start out with " I'm not racist but I will not share my wife with any man no matter what color his skin is".



Again you can make confirming statement with out revealing your source.


Dude if she knows about the tape she will end up in a motel.

If she knows about the tape how will you validate any commitment she makes?

If you reveal your source you will lose this source in the future!


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## the guy

Having kids is tough and you have years invested and I understand you want to keep your family together.

But she must see how confident you are in letting her go or she will continue.

Remember she has just as much to lose as you do by divorcing...she doesn;t want her kids in the middle of the divorce.

So please believe me.

When you confront, no crying , no begging ,, but calm and firm!

If she sees how weak you really are she will continue. She must see that you can in fact let her go...even when its the last thing you want.


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## confusedhubby0422

thatbpguy- being an IT guy, i like your ideas, but afraid that might actually be against the law? i do like the ideas, about getting my finances in order just in case. that way i have something set aside when i figure out what to do. 

i mean i guess i have to confront her at some point. i mean i can't just let it continue and not do anything. 

i would like to stay with her though. so, i like the idea of telling her i know and maybe that i found the condoms. and i know she is cheating. don't tell her about the video's and everything. leave the camera up and see if she continues???? or if she stops? and then maybe have a better idea from there? if she stops, then maybe we can work through it. and if she doesn't then i have to decide to either leave, or i don't even know.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

confusedhubby0422 said:


> Thanks everyone for the quick and nice responses. i will try to respond to everything.
> 
> I have not shown the tapes to anyone, nor would i, except the wife to show her that i know. I have looked into divorce. we are in ohio and it is a no fault state. meaning, they don't care who did what, no one is to blame. she can go sleep with everyone she wants and there really is no legal consquence.
> 
> *Then you have all the evidence you need.*
> 
> the one black guy is someone that works for her. the other one may be too, i'm not sure. the guy that works for her, i have met before. she doesn't have a computer at home. my computer is there, but she doesn't really use it. it's possible she uses her computer at work, or possibly her phone. which has a lock on it so i cant get in it. as far as more than two guys. i think it's actually 3, but i can't prove it.. but all black guys. that part i guess doesn't really matter, but just saying.
> 
> *Who cares if they are black? She had sex with another man and in this case possibly 3 other men. She did this in your bed. She has no respect for you or your relationship. *
> 
> we do have kids.. ages 8 and 5. which is obviously another reason i dont want to get divorced. but i just don't know. the relationship seemed like it was going well. we had issues maybe 6 - 8 months ago, just normal stuff i guess.i mean we get along, we don't fight too much. inthe last 6 months or so she has been really happy, has been really nice to me and just seemed to be genuinely happy. i guess maybe now i know why... that makes me feel even worse..
> 
> *Sure, she has been nice to you. She has you to take care of her and she gets to have sex with anyone she wants. Her life is grand. Sounds like either a sexual addition and/or a serial cheater. It will be very difficult to stop this behavior and the only way you have a chance is to be willing to let her go. Without that, she will see you as weak and she will continue having sex with whoever she wants. *
> 
> i have not had sex with her since i found out.. i have not gone to the doctor. i didn't even think about that. i guess i just assumed that since i found the condoms, at least she was being safe and i didn't really think too much about the STD aspect.
> *
> Get tested anyway. Better yet, have her tested after you confront and have her give you the results.*
> 
> as far as the penis size comments, i appreciate it. but i really think it might, because well.. i don't want to get graphic or detailed, but they were really big.. and i certianly haven't made her sound like that.
> 
> *Who cares how big they are? Why does it matter to you? So ... how many guys did she go through to find the ones that were BIG enough for her? She doesn't value you. The fact that you go on and on about how gigantic they are demonstrates what little self-esteem and self-respect you have.*
> 
> there has been no history of cheating, as far as i know anyway. i just never really thought about it.
> 
> *Again, sounds to me like this is an ongoing thing. She doesn't have a pen!s size xray. She just so happened to dial in on the 3 most hung guys you've seen? Statistically very doubtful. She's cheated on you a lot, I would guess. *
> 
> again, thank you everyone for your responses and help.


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## MattMatt

the guy said:


> DO NOT SHOW HER THE TAPES!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> NEVER EVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> Dude your chick will see and feel how confident you are when you confront, you don't have to prove anything....she knows what she is doing and she will know you know by how confident you are in letting her go.
> 
> At the very least you can confirm by mentioning that "even a STD test would be good, I have confirmation that you are at least using protection.
> 
> 
> Also start out with " I'm not racist but I will not share my wife with any man no matter what color his skin is".
> 
> 
> 
> Again you can make confirming statement with out revealing your source.
> 
> 
> Dude if she knows about the tape she will end up in a motel.
> 
> If she knows about the tape how will you validate any commitment she makes?
> 
> If you reveal your source you will lose this source in the future!


She may already be using a motel, too. And legally speaking, what is illegal about setting up security cameras at home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Make a plan and work the plan!

Get all your ducks in a row.

If this is work related are you thinking of exposure?


Exposure is the best way to end these affairs...especially if the one guy you do know is married.


Telling the OMW (other mans wife) is the best way to end an affair.


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## confusedhubby0422

badmemory - thank you. i like your ideas and am thinking that might be the way to go. other than taking the cameras down. i mean, i want to know for sure if she does continue. but i don't want her finding them either and then just going to a hotel or where ever to do it. 

when do i do this? obviously as soon as possible... i should probably see if the kids can go to my parents or something and then talk. ugh, i am not looking forward to this...


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## thatbpguy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> thatbpguy- being an IT guy, i like your ideas, but afraid that might actually be against the law? i do like the ideas, about getting my finances in order just in case. that way i have something set aside when i figure out what to do.
> 
> i mean i guess i have to confront her at some point. i mean i can't just let it continue and not do anything.
> 
> i would like to stay with her though. so, i like the idea of telling her i know and maybe that i found the condoms. and i know she is cheating. don't tell her about the video's and everything. leave the camera up and see if she continues???? or if she stops? and then maybe have a better idea from there? if she stops, then maybe we can work through it. and if she doesn't then i have to decide to either leave, or i don't even know.


How about this....

When she comes home have the tapes playing on the TV. Just be sitting there watching.... and see what she has to say.


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## the guy

This life style she is into is like a drug.

She is addicted and you must keep the gear you have set up in place to confirm what she tells you in the future.


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## the guy

Ok if you do choose to reveal the tapes, at the very least place a GPS tracker in her car, and plant a VAR (voice activated recorder) under her car seat.

If you do confront with the tape, then place the other gear before you confront.

I needed to be able to confirm any commitment Mrs. the-guy made after the confrontation. Every thing Mrs. the said was confirmed after the confrontation and here I am 3years after D day (discovery day)

I'm telling you this crap is addicting. Until she gets the professional help in dealing with her unhealthy choices and her deciet issues she is a liablity.

Until she learns the tools to affair proof her marriage she may go straight for a few months even years (Mrs. the guy went 5 year straight before starting up again) but start up again...hell she could tell you she will do anything to save the marriage and be back at it in a matter of days.

Stop being decieve and at the very least impliment another tool to prevent from getting burned down the road.


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## MattMatt

thatbpguy said:


> How about this....
> 
> When she comes home have the tapes playing on the TV. Just be sitting there watching.... and see what she has to say.


Use a throw away email account to send them to you using a anonimised service. Then show her the vids and make out one of her lovers sent them to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedhubby0422

JustSomeGuyWho -- i guess i didn't really think of the size thing as far as her cheating with more guys until she found the "ones" she wanted. i hadn't even considered that at all.. you're probably right i guess. well, was going to say i feel even worse now.. but honestly i guess it doesn't really matter.. whether it's 1 or 20 it's all the same.

as far as me talking about the size thing, and why it matters to me.. is because it seems pretty obvious from the guys she is with that that is what she is after...and i certainly can't change that.

the one guy that i know, that works for her, is married too. we have all hung out numerous times. just assumed friendly type thing. and actually we have hung out once since i found out. i originally said no that i didnt want to go, but then i thought i would go and see if i picked up on anything.. i didn't and they are very good about hiding it. well other than leaving the condoms..

i don't think i want to out them publicly, because there is a chance they would both get fired. well that may feel good at first, that would impact my kids and the kids on the other side.


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## Thound

confusedhubby0422 said:


> thatbpguy- being an IT guy, i like your ideas, but afraid that might actually be against the law? i do like the ideas, about getting my finances in order just in case. that way i have something set aside when i figure out what to do.
> 
> i mean i guess i have to confront her at some point. i mean i can't just let it continue and not do anything.
> 
> i would like to stay with her though. so, i like the idea of telling her i know and maybe that i found the condoms. and i know she is cheating. don't tell her about the video's and everything. leave the camera up and see if she continues???? or if she stops? and then maybe have a better idea from there? if she stops, then maybe we can work through it. and if she doesn't then i have to decide to either leave, or i don't even know.


You need to be more direct. Describe what you know and who with. If you try to play nice you are going to be used like a chew toy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado

confusedhubby0422 said:


> i don't think i want to out them publicly, because there is a chance they would both get fired. well that may feel good at first, that would impact my kids and the kids on the other side.


How do you plan to life knowing she goes every morning to work and "supervise" him?
NC with APs is key.
It's not going to be good. She must start job hunting yesterday.


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## confusedhubby0422

i have heard of sex addiction and that has been mentioned here a few times. if she is addicted to sex, it certianly isn't with me. anyway, so do they have rehab for that? do i need to get her to go to that before i say i will try to work it out? and even then.. this guy works for her, i can't make her fire him. and it's a city job anyway, so you have to have all kinds of stuff to get rid of someone.


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## the guy

Before you confront expose the affair to the OMW.

This tactic will help end the affair.

Its possible that the work guy is the catilist to WW (wayward wife) hooking up with his friends.

I'm thinking get rid of the coworker then the rest might go a way.


I'm just theorizing here.


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## confusedhubby0422

acabado--- i don't understand some of your lingo...

this part ... NC with APs is key


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## the guy

With out bad consequences bad behavior continues!!!!

Work on your confrontation.

After the confrontation it will be up to here to respect your boundries or not.


And BTW.....everytime she goes to work after the confrontation those feelings she has for OM will re surface.

My #1 boundry for Mrs. the -guy was NC No contact with OM...no contact means no contact.

If you want to save this thing your old lady quits her job.....again another consequences for crapping were she eats....if you knwo what I mean?


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## the guy

NC=no contact

AP=affair partner


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## the guy

OMW=other mans wife

WW=wayward wife

OM=other man


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## confusedhubby0422

ok, yeah, that makes sense now. thank you "the guy" 

and yes i know what you mean about crapping where you eat.. yea, i would have to do something...i wouldnt be able to live day to day, knowing they are together every day.. i mean, for all i know they are doing it now, you know.

well, if i am able to get my mom to take the kids i will do it this weekend.. if i do that.. i will come back here and post what happened, and you guys will still be here?


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## tom67

Tell the omw also just before you confront her. Good luck.


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## Ovid

1 or 20 does matter. When it's more than one it's serial cheating, or sex addiction. It's much harder to put a stop to this. You will have to be very firm, or you will lose.

File for divorce. You dont have to complete it.

Seperate your finances.

Start doing the 180.

Expose to family and friends. Expose to OMW. Do not share your source.

If you get anything less than snot bubbled crying and begging, with some true signs of remorse continue with the divorce.


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## jerry123

Wait a minute...you have had proof for a week and you were able to control yourself to this point of not showing and confronting. Damn, i give you credit.

But think about this, those videos you watched are going to be stuck in your head for a long time. You want to try and work this out with her that's your choice but just think of the lies and betrayal that has been going on. And in YOUR bed.

When you confront and tell her you want to try and work through this i think you are done. You need to hear what she has to say and take some time to think.

She is a serial cheater, and has no respect for you or marriage. She will cheat again. Just next time she will find a better way to hide it.


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## the guy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> ok, yeah, that makes sense now. thank you "the guy"
> 
> and yes i know what you mean about crapping where you eat.. yea, i would have to do something...i wouldnt be able to live day to day, knowing they are together every day.. i mean, for all i know they are doing it now, you know.
> 
> well, if i am able to get my mom to take the kids i will do it this weekend.. if i do that.. i will come back here and post what happened, and you guys will still be here?


If you look in the upper left hand corner of my replies...under my user name you will see when I joined TAM (Talk About Marriage) and the amount of replies..... I'm not going any were.

This site has helped a lot back in the day its time for me to pay it forward


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## confusedhubby0422

jerry, yes i have had proof for over a week actually. i just wasn't sure what to do or how to handle. i mean i know i could have just flown of the handle and done all that. but i wanted to make sure i knew what i was doing and i was under control and go about it in the best way.. and i wasn't really sure what i wanted to do. i mean, i thought about just leaving, i thought about just freaking out and screamin and yelling and that whole thing. then i went to, well i don't want to lose her, so i won't even say anything, because with how she has been acting lately obviously thats what makes her happy.. to going over to the other wife and showing her the tapes and trying to sleep with her.. i mean i have been all over the place with this. and i do really appreciate everyone's responses.. it is helping me figure out what i need to do. i know that i can't really just ignore it, i spend my days at work thinking, wondering if they are doing it right now at work, in our bed, you know. i don't think i can live that way.


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## the guy

Just remember there a wedges and confirmation statements.

A wedge statement is some thing like " I will no longer share my wife"

A confirmation statement is like " I'm not racist, and I want no man touching my wife"

A wedge statement is " I will not control you but i will not stay in a marriage that involve this kind of behavior"

A confirmation statement is " You are with multiable men"

Also prepare your self for the blame shifting...she will blame you for her behavior to justify her betrayal....always remember and inform her that it is not and you will not take the blame for her choice to decieve you when she could have made the choice months ago to leave the marriage in an honorable way instead of the huge degree of disrespeat and betrayal that took place in the maritial bed.


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## Dad&Hubby

jerry123 said:


> *Wait a minute...you have had proof for a week and you were able to control yourself to this point of not showing and confronting. Damn, i give you credit.*
> 
> But think about this, those videos you watched are going to be stuck in your head for a long time. You want to try and work this out with her that's your choice but just think of the lies and betrayal that has been going on. And in YOUR bed.
> 
> When you confront and tell her you want to try and work through this i think you are done. You need to hear what she has to say and take some time to think.
> 
> She is a serial cheater, and has no respect for you or marriage. She will cheat again. Just next time she will find a better way to hide it.


AND EVEN SPENT A NICE EVENING WITH THE OM after finding out about it....WTF?!?!?

BLOW THIS WHOLE THING UP!!! Have divorce papers ready to go. Show no mercy. This isn't about how to end it with the most vindictive way possible. This is about bringing everything back down to earth and bringing the WS and OM into the world of pain that they've created.

Are you children going to suffer, yes, is the OM's family going to suffer....YES. Are you going to suffer...YES. All because of their decisions and lack of care for anyone else.

HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT YOUR WIFE AND LOVE HER?!?! DUDE, she was banging another guy in the bed you SLEEP IN!!! Some other guy got your side of the bed all sweaty from doing the horizontal mambo, and then you slept there. 

Think of all the times you laid in your bed, unknowingly sleeping in the SEX that just happened 10 hours earlier.

HOW CAN YOU NOT BE SO EFFING OUTRAGED?!?!

MY GOD!?

If I saw video of my wife banding another guy, there'd be probably 15 holes in walls because as much as I would want to, I wouldn't PUNCH HER. OM....OH HELLS NO! 

What happened to the men in this world?

You want to get yourself in the right frame of mind to handle this.

Drive to the OM's house with a baseball bat in the passenger side.

Park in the street. YELL AT HIM TO COME OUTSIDE.

As you're standing next to your car and he starts walking. Reach in and grab the bat. Watch how fast the MFer runs. And then let him explain to his wife why you're standing there with a bat. Then drive away calmly. Go home and walk into the house carrying the bat. Don't threaten with it. Your wife and the OM will assume threat because of their affair and guilt. then sit in the living room with the baseball bat propped against the wall. And with NO emotion calmly ask your wife. "Wanna tell me something?"

Notice...NEVER EVER threaten or step on properties that aren't yours.


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## confusedhubby0422

"the guy" i do appreciate it. thank you for not just helping me, but others as well. the world is a better place with people like you have here. it certainly seems like a ****ty place right now, but i will get through it. 

i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit... 

some part of me just wants to let it go.. i mean it has been over a week and every day it gets easier.. if i go confront her its going to go crazy. i could confront and tell her i know whats going on, and if thats what she needs to make her happy then fine, but dont do it at home in our bed, dont make me have to see the guys and be safe about it... i know thats not the right thing, but these are thoughts that i have had and i am just throwing them out there to see if it is normal or whatever.


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## badmemory

confusedhubby0422 said:


> badmemory - thank you. i like your ideas and am thinking that might be the way to go. other than taking the cameras down. i mean, i want to know for sure if she does continue. but i don't want her finding them either and then just going to a hotel or where ever to do it.
> 
> when do i do this? obviously as soon as possible... i should probably see if the kids can go to my parents or something and then talk. ugh, i am not looking forward to this...


I understand about wanting to continue to monitor her with the cameras, but my assumption was she wouldn't be there anyway - and she shouldn't, at least for now. Regardless, sometimes our spouses are smarter than we give them credit for. She knows you're an IT guy and may look for them. I would suggest you at least take them down temporarily and then put them back up after a few days if/when she returns to your house. 

One other concern Confused. Perhaps you are the calmest BS I've heard from in a while, but my sense is that you should be much angrier about this. You went to dinner with a guy you knew was f**king your wife? How do you do this?

You should be enraged. Your wife's motivation to do this or her opportunity to do it again, at least for now, is secondary to the act itself. Get angry! But channel that anger into resolve for giving her the proper consequences. Expose them to this guy's wife, to her family and yours. After you confront, do the 180 on her (find the link) and separate from her. Then see what she does. That will give you the opportunity to think about what you want to do, based on how remorseful she is. Then you can worry about the other things if you decide to R.

For right now, if you're afraid she's going to continue to wh*re around, you're missing the big picture. What she's done is plenty bad enough. 

That said, there's nothing wrong with using your expertise to covertly monitor her. But only to confirm that she's ended no contact - if/when you get an agreement from her.

First and foremost, she has to receive strong consequences - and she needs them ASAP.


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## tom67

The sooner you confront the sooner you can begin to heal. You have all the proof it's hard but be cool, calm and dispassionate as best you can. Don't beg, cry ect. it looks weak. Tell the other man's wife!


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## confusedhubby0422

dad&hubby, thank you. i haven't laughed for awhile. so, that was nice. yes, i know what i have to do. and i think on some level i knew well before this.. or at least had thoughts about it. i mean, looking back after you find out, you see signs that stick out now, but maybe didnt mean anything before.


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## jerry123

I know what you are saying...but you can't live like this. It is good you found TAM and you are getting good advice.

You need to secure your money first. Because when you do confront be prepared that she may just want out and one of the first places she may go is to the bank to withdrawal all of the money.

And do that soon, and confront soon!! Stop letting black guys, our any other guys screw your wife!! 

So ever since you found out, there has been no sex between you and wife? So she has not tried to initiate sex? 

And don't think showing OM wife videos is going to make her all horny and want sex with you. Show her evidence so OM does not get off scott-free.


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## stevehowefan

This, THIS is the thread that makes me question why more betrayed spouses don't start hulk smashing everything in sight when they find out.


----------



## the guy

Never forget that it is her own choices of betrayal and deciet and how wrong it is... 

What ever she is doing right now is all on her, she is the one that has serious issues and is making unhealthy choice not only for her family but her self.

You think she is happy but deep down she has unaddressed issues that need to be faced. Her deciet is simply wrong and she needs to adress it......I mean how happy can she really be know that her action will tear her family apart.


She ain't happy brother...she's buring some issue she has had for a long time.....she's actually broked and her faciad is just that a act that helps her deal with her betrayal.

Its like this " as long as I treat my husband good I can keep up with this unhealthy addiction"

Sorry brother buts its time to face this broken women....and it will be up to her to address this or not.


Emotionally happy and healthy women do not bring home men and sleep with them in her marital bed\maritial home.

Your luck none of these guys isn;t a nut job and mess with your family at dinner time...you know what I mean?


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## badmemory

confusedhubby0422 said:


> "the guy" i do appreciate it. thank you for not just helping me, but others as well. the world is a better place with people like you have here. it certainly seems like a ****ty place right now, but i will get through it.
> 
> i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit...
> 
> some part of me just wants to let it go.. i mean it has been over a week and every day it gets easier.. if i go confront her its going to go crazy. i could confront and tell her i know whats going on, and if thats what she needs to make her happy then fine, but dont do it at home in our bed, dont make me have to see the guys and be safe about it... i know thats not the right thing, but these are thoughts that i have had and i am just throwing them out there to see if it is normal or whatever.


Confused, I'll say it again. Where's your anger? You'd be OK for her to her f**k other men, as long as it's not in your bed? Good grief man! Do you think she would respect you doing that. Women are not attracted to doormats and that's exactly what you'd be.

Look, if you want a chance to save your marriage, you have to grow a pair and be willing to lose it. You need to change your mindset in a hurry.


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## jerry123

confusedhubby0422 said:


> "the guy" i do appreciate it. thank you for not just helping me, but others as well. the world is a better place with people like you have here. it certainly seems like a ****ty place right now, but i will get through it.
> 
> i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit...
> 
> some part of me just wants to let it go.. i mean it has been over a week and every day it gets easier.. if i go confront her its going to go crazy. *i could confront and tell her i know whats going on, and if thats what she needs to make her happy then fine, but dont do it at home in our bed, dont make me have to see the guys and be safe about it...* i know thats not the right thing, but these are thoughts that i have had and i am just throwing them out there to see if it is normal or whatever.


I wish i could jump through this computer screen and strangle you!!!

On the other hand, not to be too blunt but, do you in some small way enjoy the fact that she is cheating and that she likes it and is happy??


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## tom67

badmemory said:


> Confused, I'll say it again. Where's your anger? You'd be OK for her to her f**k other men, as long as it's not in your bed? Good grief man! Do you think she would respect you doing that. Women are not attracted to doormats and that's exactly what you'd be.
> 
> Look, if you want a chance to save your marriage, you have to grow a pair and be willing to lose it. You need to change your mindset in a hurry.


:iagree::slap::slap:


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## confusedhubby0422

i know i should be angry, i am angry really. i mean i went through all of that. pissed off, screaming at nothing or no one in particular. i guess why i don't seem angry right now is because i truly am thankful for this forum and just tyring to stay calm and get all the info i can so i can process this. maybe that doesnt make sense to some, but i have gone through all those emotions.

i understand what you are saying now "bad memory" take them down because she won't be there anyway.. and if she does come back.. maybe wait a week or so and put them back up... after she has looked for stuff that may be there.


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## the guy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> "the guy" i do appreciate it. thank you for not just helping me, but others as well. the world is a better place with people like you have here. it certainly seems like a ****ty place right now, but i will get through it.
> 
> i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit...
> 
> some part of me just wants to let it go.. i mean it has been over a week and every day it gets easier.. if i go confront her its going to go crazy. i could confront and tell her i know whats going on, and if thats what she needs to make her happy then fine, but dont do it at home in our bed, dont make me have to see the guys and be safe about it... i know thats not the right thing, but these are thoughts that i have had and i am just throwing them out there to see if it is normal or whatever.





I did this 16 years ago, and now 20 other men later I have had enough.

My biggest regret was sweeping my WW cheating under the rug so many years ago.

Trust me when the kids get 18 and 22 you will not like what you have become. years from now your wife will be in suck a dangerous place you just might lose her for good.

I can tell you from experience that this knd of behavior wil snow ball and the both of you won;t like the out come.


You sir are risking alot more by sweeping this under the rug!


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## stevehowefan

Bro, listen to these people. Do what they're saying. They're here, just like you, and they've lived out exactly what you're going through. You don't let this go. You don't convey that it's ok. Do confront. Prepare for a divorce. She has no respect for you. She's damaged goods. You have the visual AND audible proof. Your family is already damaged. It's time to drop the damn hammer.


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## the guy

Twords the end of a very long adultous life style my wife got into a guys car that was covered in plastic...the floor board the seats ..everything. 

It got so bad she found her self giving it up in stead of have these guys take it.

In the end she wass leaving in the middle of the night to get her addiction for sex met. Only to wake up the next morning with her again sleeping next to me.


Dude this is the start of a very unhealthy beahvior your chick is getting into....

If you let it go it *will* effect everyone in your home, and that includes your twp kids.


So for what ever reason you want to ignor this, think about the kids and how it will effect them if she continues.

Especially if they get to have another sibling that doesn;t belong to you!!!!


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## confusedhubby0422

i don't mean to project that i have no anger. i had a lot of anger at first. as anyone would. i still have a lot of anger now. i am just spilling everything i have or have had in my mind over this time. if i dont answer all my questions/concerns then i feel i will have left some stones unturned and i just want to mention all the thoughts i have had to see , i don't know.. just to get it all out...

and no, it doesn't make me happy that she is cheating on me.. it's very very difficult.. i am just trying to process all the thoughts and feelings i've had. i guess maybe i am just trying to justify it for her, so i dont have to deal with it.. i dont know if that makes sense.. but if i can say, well yea i get it.. their bigger, it feels better, i guess i understand why she would want that.. i mean, i have never heard her act that way... so, i guess on a small level maybe.. but only in the fact that i truly do love her and want her to be happy... just saying that , i know how f*cked up that is and doesn't make sense.. and it makes me sick to my stomach to know that that thought is even in there.. i just hope that maybe its a normal type feeling.. i mean i know its not normal.. i get that... and no i dont want her to cheat on me... i do want her to be happy, i mean i love her... i'm so messed up right now.. sorry guys..

i dont know if this even makes sense.. i am just rambling..


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## stevehowefan

It makes sense. I imagine you're hurting. You're looking for direction, trying to make sense of it all. You've definitely come to the right place. These people have their stripes. I'm thankful for this site, too. Just please, please listen to them.


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## confusedhubby0422

i have decided that i am going to confront her. i mean i knew i had to eventually anyway. i think i am just going to say that i have proof.. the condoms. i am not going to show or mention the video, because i want to be able to use the video again..in case we stay together, i can verify she isn't still doing it. 

i am torn about telling anyone else though. i dont want to tell my friends and family because then i will feel like a punk for staying with her.. it is embarrasing. i dont know about telling the other wife because i don't know that i want to hurt their kids if they would end up getting divorced....


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## the guy

It makes sense, but remember she had other options.

She could used a toy, she could have confronted you.

The point is the deciet and betrayal.

She went about all this with out telling you she was a size queen.


At the end of they day she could have talked to you, but instead she got her needs met through lies and betrayal and thats the issue you are confronting!!!!!!!

There is a huge degree in disrespect in not confiding with her husband and hidding this from you. I mean the lack of respect she has for her family is so big she takes this crap into her kids home

Make sense why you are confronting?

Man up!


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## tom67

The omw has a right to know if it was the other way around wouldn't you appreciate her letting you know? You know this has to be done bro.


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## badmemory

confusedhubby0422 said:


> i don't mean to project that i have no anger. i had a lot of anger at first. as anyone would. i still have a lot of anger now. i am just spilling everything i have or have had in my mind over this time. if i dont answer all my questions/concerns then i feel i will have left some stones unturned and i just want to mention all the thoughts i have had to see , i don't know.. just to get it all out...
> 
> and no, it doesn't make me happy that she is cheating on me.. it's very very difficult.. i am just trying to process all the thoughts and feelings i've had. i guess maybe i am just trying to justify it for her, so i dont have to deal with it.. i dont know if that makes sense.. but if i can say, well yea i get it.. their bigger, it feels better, i guess i understand why she would want that.. i mean, i have never heard her act that way... so, i guess on a small level maybe.. but only in the fact that i truly do love her and want her to be happy... just saying that , i know how f*cked up that is and doesn't make sense.. and it makes me sick to my stomach to know that that thought is even in there.. i just hope that maybe its a normal type feeling.. i mean i know its not normal.. i get that... and no i dont want her to cheat on me... i do want her to be happy, i mean i love her... i'm so messed up right now.. sorry guys..
> 
> i dont know if this even makes sense.. i am just rambling..


Other than your apparent lack of emotions about this, what you're going through is the FOG that most BS's go through. You're looking for answers, wondering what you did wrong, wondering how you could have prevented it, trying to figure out how to make this go away. I've been there.

But the methods we're giving you to deal with your wife, are based on tried and true experience - even if they seem counter-intuitive to you at the moment. Don't underestimate yourself. You CAN confront her and you CAN dispense proper consequences. You have to remove yourself from the FOG and do what you've got to do. Not just because she deserves it, but because that is the best chance to save your marriage - if it can be saved.


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## the guy

I'm curious if her coworker is in fact helping her hook up with these other men?

If that is the case your confrontation should include this aspect.


Most likely she will deny any other men and Thats when you look her in the eye and tell her "continuing to lie will not save the marriage".


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## jerry123

Yes, keep the video secret so you can still monitor. Something tells me you will be seeing many more videos in the future if you stay with her. 


And why let OM off, he will just find other woman to screw. And his wife will never know her husband is a cheater. You are protecting him by not telling his wife. You are not hurting his kids, OM is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

SHe will deny until you start making confirmation statements...then she will give you little bits of info all the while asking how you know.
Thats when you tell her the information that was given to you is no concern of hers and that its time to come clean and start being honest...


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## badmemory

confusedhubby0422 said:


> i have decided that i am going to confront her. i mean i knew i had to eventually anyway. i think i am just going to say that i have proof.. the condoms. i am not going to show or mention the video, because i want to be able to use the video again..in case we stay together, i can verify she isn't still doing it.
> 
> i am torn about telling anyone else though. i dont want to tell my friends and family because then i will feel like a punk for staying with her.. it is embarrasing. i dont know about telling the other wife because i don't know that i want to hurt their kids if they would end up getting divorced....


Just my two cents again, but I wouldn't use the condoms angle. She could try to excuse that away. Just tell her you know what she's been doing with these guys in your bed and you know when. Let her try to figure out how you know. Tell her she has one chance to come clean and to explain "why" she did it.

If she doesn't, send her packing immediately. If she does, listen to her and then do what we've already suggested. 

In regards to not exposing you are DEAD wrong. The POSOM and your wife own those consequences, not you. And I don't think the POSOM gave a rat's arse about busting up your family.


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## Toffer

Sorry OP but I couldn't stand to sit on this for a week. I know I couldn't stand to be sleeping in the marital bed either knowing that my wife had multiple lovers depositing DNA all over the place (regardless of condom use)

The only way I would be able to stay that calm would be if I was preparing to unleash a sh!tstorm on her and her OM

As pointed out earlier, I would have seperated ALL the finacials by now leaving just half the monety in any account and cancelling all credit cards. I'd have drawn up an invoice for her half of all monthly household expenses which I'd present to her on DDay and I'd have the divorce papers in hand by now

On Dday, I would hand her a copy of the tape/DVD in one package (with a nice bow on it) to be follwed (once she inserts the tape/DVD into a player) with a lovely gift wrapped envelope with the D papers in it.

I would also be sure that at the same time, the OMs wives/GFs were getting emails letting them know what their husbands/BFs are up to.

I'd also have a bag packed for my wife that I would be putting in front of her as the tape plays. SHE broke her vows, SHE can find a place to sllep for the next few nights

After she departs the house, I'd drag that defiled bed out of MY room (not "our" room anymore) and place it at the curb or burn it in my backyard (and the new one would be delivered the same day)

Not only has she cheated on you with multiple partners, exposed you to STDs and made you a laughing stock at her workplace (because you KNOW these guys are talking about it there and probably alot of other places) she has also shown you that she has absolutely NO respect for you or your kids. She has no respect for the vows she took before man and GOD and the rest of your friends and family.

Good luck! Sounds like with your attitude and approach so far that you need all the luck you can get!


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## tom67

Go buy a var if you confront this weekend. Things may go sour and she might try to get you kicked out of the house jmo.


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## the guy

There 2 ways this will go down;

She will cry and ask for forgiveness
(DO NOT CRY WITH HER) but state your boundries in a calm but firm manner

or

She will get mad and blame you for not meeting her needs. If she walks out and leave, help her pack all her this and inform her that you consider this abandonment and will act occordingly



No matter which way she goes both tactics show her how confident you are in no longer tolorating this unhealth and dangerous behavior.


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## confusedhubby0422

i get it about the other wife. that does make sense. i mean, yes i would want someone to tell me. i don't want to do it because it seems vindictive and i dont want to be that way. but i do understand that, that isn't actually what i would be doing. i would be doing the right thing?

"the guy".. i have wondered about that too. it was, or is, happening almost every day. and the one time she did them both on the same day.. but not at the same time, so i don't know if they even know or what is happening... so, you think this guy is passing her out to his friends? wow, yet another level i wasn't really considering. she is possibly just a little sex toy that he gets to pass around.. i cant f*cking believe it.. i must be the most naive, stupiest guy on the planet.. wow. how do i let her know, that i know there is at least 2 guys, without revealing the camera?


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## the guy

" how do you know"? or "whats makes you thing I'm sleeping around"

Its no concern *who* told me, but its time to come clean and try to save *your* marriage by being honest and telling me more then what I already was told!!!!

"Who told you"

"Someone I hired to to protect me from getting betrayed" 

"You hired a PI"

"I want to hear it from you"


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## wilson

Get GPS on her phone. If you see she's home at lunch, go there and surprise her.


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## the guy

Whats interesting about exposing the affair to the OMW is that often the OM will throw your wife under the bus to save his own marriage. 

Once there is exposure and two of you (OMW) can compare stories then you can have a better handle on what the two of you are dealing with with regards to your wayward spouses.


In fact contacting the OMW and asking her if she knows who the other guys are might shine some light on whats really going on.

She may not want to see her old man in action but you can ask her is she recognizes the other guys.


At the end of the day exposure to OMW is the best way to nike this crap...You may get a lot of unanswered questions from OMW...


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## confusedhubby0422

i understand that i need to tell his wife too.. all these acronym's confuse me.. what is posom? i think thats my wife and the one guy i know.. 

i should tell his wife before i confront mine? i am going to go to the bank and get money first. and get all that other stuff in order. i'm not really sure what to expect when i confront her. but i'll just deal with it as it comes. 

i suspect she will cry and tell me she's sorry and want me to stay and not divorce her. at least, i would think that would happen, but i guess she could be gone. do i say she must go to sex rehab or whatever before she can come back to the house? and are there actually places for that or is it just like a regular drug rehab place?


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## the guy

POSOM= piece of sh*t other man


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## confusedhubby0422

that makes sense "the guy" . i will definitely talk to her. i get out of work before wife and him so i may stop there on my way home tonight actually. i keep the videos with me.. on thumb drive so i could show her and see if she knows the other guy, or guys. i think there is at least one more.. but very similar and couldnt tell for sure.


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## the guy

Whats good about telling OMW 1st is it gives you more pieces to the puzzle...that and it prevent the Om and your wife from doing any damage control with regards to making up story to tell his wife.


Like " some crazy guy might call you up claiming to be so and so husband and claim Im sleeping with his wife...He's just soem guy that just got fireds".

Or

So and so will call you up claiming I'm sleeping with if wife...I;m not he is just going through a rough divorce and stiring up some bull crap"


See what I mean? 

Thats why many are big fans of telling the OMW 1st then letting the Om confront your wife by telling your wife... " your husband knows and he just told my wife"......

Its a good tactic in making the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible


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## the guy

See thats the goal here...

its not about being vandictive but about making the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable as possible.

See, thats what you tell you wife when she asks you why you told OMW and that it was none of her business....


You tell your wife that "I will tell who every I want to make this affair inconvienent and as uncomfortable from continuing".


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## walkonmars

You sound like a nice guy, a good husband, and a good father. I'm sorry it's happening to you and your family. 
You must keep this in mind: YOU are not losing her. She is being selfish, disrespectful of you, your marriage, and your family. She's also disrespecting the OMs families. She's no prize. 

The fact she shamelessly brings them into the marital home and marital bed speaks volumes about how she values you. She doesn't. Not at all. 

You have to be firm if you want to keep your marriage (why you would want to is beyond me). 

This must happen:
1. Confront her. Don't beg, cry, or seem needy. Be firm, be calm, be rational. 
2. Tell her you have something important to say and she should listen to EVERYTHING you say. Then she can talk. 
3. Tell her IF she has any hope of keeping the marriage she must quit her job. She must write a NC letter to all of them. She must write a letter to HR and reveal what happened. 
4. She must seek counseling. Sex addiction with IC and MC with you. 
5. She must get rid of the bed. 
6. She must tell the OMs wives. 
This is for starters. Don't worry about her losing her job. She quits immediately. You will be in financial trouble anyway if she leaves you or if you divorce. 

read this: newbie thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## confusedhubby0422

ok ok, i that makes sense too. wow, i'm glad i found this site. i mean not so glad that i needed it, but glad it's here.


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## jerry123

She is not a sex addict, most likely not. She just gets a thrill screwing different guys in your bed. There is no serial cheater rehab. She will tell you anything you want to hear if she wants to stay married to you. Then when things cool down, she will just get better at hiding it and start again. 

How often did you guys have sex before you found out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Just alway remember...you are manning up, you are an alpha male who is in total control of his emotions...so ne yelling , screaming or crying or begging.

This is a business deal and in the end you will no longer tolorate getting rippid off and the choice your wife makes will either save *her* marriage or it won't.

So let go of this decietful women and let her make the choice to keep her marriage or not. cuz in the end you can't control her and you can;t force her to love you BUT YOU CAN STATE YOUR BOUNDRIES AND THE CONSEQUENCES FOR WHEN THOS BOUNTRIES ARE CROSSED!!!!!!!

Sorry for shouting. This hits close to home my wife was serial cheater with mutiable men.... I have been there and don't wish this on any body. ( except for all her OM's) hehe


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## confusedhubby0422

walk on mars - thank you very much.. what is IC (independent counseling)? .. i think MC is marriage counseling? i dont know who the other guy, possibly guys are. possibly when i talk to the other guys wife i will find out more info..


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## the guy

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I am not following the rest of you down the rabbit hole...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Come on

Youv'e been long enough to know that anything is possible:lol:


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## confusedhubby0422

as far as how often we have/had sex.. it was probably twice a week most of the time.. then we had some issues about 8 months ago and we didnt have sex for that time period.. then about six months ago, it went to 2 or 3 times a week.


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## the guy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> walk on mars - thank you very much.. what is IC (independent counseling)? .. i think MC is marriage counseling? i dont know who the other guy, possibly guys are. possibly when i talk to the other guys wife i will find out more info..


Your getting it.

Yes

IC= individual counseling
MC=marriage counselliig


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## the guy

Did you notices her thingy was streched?

At one point I thought my wife was loser.

I can remember one time my wife even stated that "see its still tight"...it was random and out off no were she says this. Im going at it and she just got home from a GNO (girls night out) and she says this crap!!!!!!

I just go a trigger!

trigger= thoughts that remind the betrayed of their spouses affair


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## PreRaphaelite

Confusedhubby: 

I don't want to hurt you even further, but I have to say that your wife is seriously fvcked up. She's out searching for well-hung black guys to shtook her good in your own marriage bed. 

She's acting out some kind of porn fantasy. She's a serial cheater. She doesn't give a damn about her family or her husband.

You need to act to protect yourself against this woman. I know you say you love her, but you don't know who she is. You're in love with the woman of your fancy, not the real woman who's in front of you, and that's where the danger lies. She has no qualms about emasculating you in the worst possible way. I mean, how many women out there measure a man by his kock-size? 

DOn't think about protecting her. If you really want to stop this porn fantasy of hers, you HAVE to expose it. Friends, family...they have to know so that she can't hide it any more.


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## confusedhubby0422

"the guy" thanks for explaining the acronyms/language here. it's new to me. well, i kind of eluded to the "stretched out" part earlier.. i didn't really say it, but i said that i had thoughts that maybe something was going on.. it just felt different.. but i didn't put too much stock into it..


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## PreRaphaelite

the guy said:


> Did you notices her thingy was streched?
> 
> At one point I thought my wife was loser.
> 
> I can remember one time my wife even stated that "see its still tight"...it was random and out off no were she says this. Im going at it and she just got home from a GNO (girls night out) and she says this crap!!!!!!
> 
> I just go a trigger!
> 
> trigger= thoughts that remind the betrayed of their spouses affair


Your wife seriously sad that? Jesus. 

Well I guess it's true, we've known all along what a woman really wants. /facepalm


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## JCD

:scratchhead:

Really? You just want her to be happy...and stretched out.

Huh.

Not buying this.


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## PreRaphaelite

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Guy, I respect you a lot. But asking if she's permanently stretched out...really???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I'm starting to grow sceptical of this one.


----------



## seasalt

If you honestly think it's only about size you're really confused.

Just sayin'

Seasalt


----------



## Will_Kane

You have a very unusual case of cheating, a type we hardly ever see on this forum.

It appears your wife has a fetish for black guys. I don't know when she developed this, but from what I know, this is a very difficult fetish for a woman to get over. I doubt that it's about size so much as race.

The typical wife who cheats does it with one guy, and it is more emotional than physical. They rarely use condoms.

The fact that your wife is doing it with two or maybe three guys essentially in some type of rotation, indicates that it is about sex and not emotional involvement.

I guess you will find out when you confront. The fact that she is bringing two or three different guys into your bedroom at lunch time to have sex with a couple times a week likely is not something she is going to want to risk having exposed. In my opinion, the fact that they are all black adds an extra level of fetish/kink.

If this is the case, that she has a fetish, you are going to have to do some research to see what works for people in a similar situation.

The advice you are getting here - no contact, transparency, quit job - is good for normal cases of infidelity and would seem to make sense in your case as well, at least for the immediate future.


----------



## JCD

Plan 9 from OS said:


> And if these guys do manual labor for a living. You may realize why I ask this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What a silly question. Oh course they are buffer and studlier than he is. That is one of the reasons he is hesitant to confront.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

PreRaphaelite.... i am starting to understand all of this... i have been looking at things not from the right place apparently.. meaning, not thinking of what it would take to not just bring them to our house, but our room, our bed.. and our kids house.. i never really got to that part of it...

i'm just going to confront her and see what happens.. i mean i have a lot of good information now.. i appreciate everyone's help..

plan 9... i'm not sure why this matters, but my wife is senior accountant for the city. he is an accounting clerk. i'm not really sure how he gets paid, hourly or salary.


----------



## PreRaphaelite

confusedhubby0422 said:


> PreRaphaelite.... i am starting to understand all of this... i have been looking at things not from the right place apparently.. meaning, not thinking of what it would take to not just bring them to our house, but our room, our bed.. and our kids house.. i never really got to that part of it...
> 
> i'm just going to confront her and see what happens.. i mean i have a lot of good information now.. i appreciate everyone's help..
> 
> plan 9... i'm not sure why this matters, but my wife is senior accountant for the city. he is an accounting clerk. i'm not really sure how he gets paid, hourly or salary.


I agree with Will Kane on this one. If you're telling us the truth ConfusedHubby, it's not a big dyck fetish, it's a black-man-with-a-big-dyck fetish, meaning you've got a race fetish thrown in there, i.e the old story...blacks are bigger, have more stamina, more prowess, etc. etc. And white women can't resist them. . . 

The stereotype upon which thousands upon thousands of porn flicks are made every year.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

confusedhubby0422 said:


> "the guy" i do appreciate it. thank you for not just helping me, but others as well. the world is a better place with people like you have here. it certainly seems like a ****ty place right now, but i will get through it.
> 
> *i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit... *
> 
> *some part of me just wants to let it go.*. i mean it has been over a week and every day it gets easier.. if i go confront her its going to go crazy. i could confront and tell her i know whats going on, and if thats what she needs to make her happy then fine, but dont do it at home in our bed, dont make me have to see the guys and be safe about it... i know thats not the right thing, but these are thoughts that i have had and i am just throwing them out there to see if it is normal or whatever.


You obviously love your wife. But why don't you love yourself MORE? 

Okay, so stop for a second. Do you have a son? I guess gender is irrelevant. But if your son was married and his wife did what yours is doing...what advise would you give?

You need to take yourself out of this.

You're not concerned. You're scared. You don't have any value of yourself and I'm sorry for that. You place your value of yourself on you being married to your wife and that's a HUGE mistake. Where is YOUR value?


----------



## confusedhubby0422

yes the only guys on there are black. she has never really showed any type of interest in that. not really sure how she would, just saying, it has never come up and never anything where i was like wondering about it.. i assume that is something i will need to find out.. i again, cant do anything about that..


----------



## walkonmars

Don't be afraid to make demands. If fact, don't be afraid to divorce her. You don't have a marriage as it is. Does it matter to you if she's been doing this for years? IF she wants to recommit to the marriage then she calls in sick on Monday. Writes a resignation letter and sends it in to HR. She shouldn't go back to the office. HR can box up her belongings and you can pick them up. 
Be sure to have a VAR (voice activated recorder in her car and a gps to monitor her). 

Also, next week make an appt to see a family law atty. See what you can expect in a divorce. Do this for sure if she seems hesitant or refuses to quit her job immediately. But even if she does you need to lose the fear of divorce.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

confusedhubby0422 said:


> i get it about the other wife. that does make sense. i mean, yes i would want someone to tell me. i don't want to do it because it seems vindictive and i dont want to be that way. but i do understand that, that isn't actually what i would be doing. i would be doing the right thing?
> 
> "the guy".. i have wondered about that too. it was, or is, happening almost every day. and the one time she did them both on the same day.. but not at the same time, so i don't know if they even know or what is happening... so, you think this guy is passing her out to his friends? wow, yet another level i wasn't really considering. she is possibly just a little sex toy that he gets to pass around.. i cant f*cking believe it.. i must be the most naive, stupiest guy on the planet.. wow. how do i let her know, that i know there is at least 2 guys, without revealing the camera?


Here's how you handle it.

"You're sleeping with multiple men. I want you out of the house tonight because I can't even look at what a worthless tramp you are."

"No I'm not. How could you say something like that."

"I have proof, I'll have my lawyer draw up papers."

"How'd you get proof".

"So let me get this straight, you cheated and bettrayed the marriage is an AMAZINGLY ****TY and TRAMPLIKE way, and your first concern is how I found out...really?! Seriously, that's where your concern is right now. Not how you betrayed me and our family. How you've now made it that our children will grow up in a broken home.? Really, that's your concern..."


----------



## the guy

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Guy, I respect you a lot. But asking if she's permanently stretched out...really???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just had to get rid of the trigger.

As time goes on OP will start to see the trees through the forest.

We have all been there. Once reality sets in you start to see all the red flags that one either deneis or buries, but once you face this crap head on you start see all the strange behaviors that waywards exhibited before d-day.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

dad & hubby.. 2 sons. you are right. if it was my son i would tell him to do the same things people are telling me here. i know what i have to do now. i knew before i guess, i just had so many thoughts and so many emotions.. 

plan 9... they work basically the same hours yes.

leaving work in a few and i just want to thank everyone who responded.. it did help, just having some people to talk to and work through. i think, that its probably over, i just wasn't and maybe still not ready to accept that.. but i mean, its all right there in front of me.. if it was happening to someone else it would be easy for me to know what they should do.. i get that.. i have to give myself that same advice.. who said that, dad and hubby, thanks. all of you thanks again


----------



## the guy

Dad&Hubby said:


> "So let me get this straight, you cheated and bettrayed the marriage is an AMAZINGLY ****TY and TRAMPLIKE way, and your first concern is how I found out...really?! Seriously, that's where your concern is right now. Not how you betrayed me and our family. How you've now made it that our children will grow up in a broken home.? Really, that's your concern..."


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Thats is an excellent tactic in how to prevent revealing your souce

Good stuff D&H good stuff!


----------



## the guy

After the confrontation we will still be here for you on what ever you deside to do.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

thank you "the guy" i appreciate it. i'm sure i will have more questions after.


----------



## PreRaphaelite

Remember, stay calm. Most likely she's going to deny and if she can't anymore, she'll start blaming you. She'll blame you as she denies it. Don't fall for it. Whatever you did or didn't do during the marriage, it is absolutely no excuse for her to go boffing the hired help.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

ok thanks PreRaphaelite. i mean i know i'm not perfect and whatever, but i don't think i deserved this.


----------



## tom67

And by telling the omw there will be another set of eyes on them. The sooner you do this the weight you feel now will be gone.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

i plan on doing this weekend.. hopefully tonight.


----------



## the guy

what kind of joint account do the two of you have?


----------



## the guy

If she walks be prepared to close them.

Do you have you list of boundries?

if she begs to stay ask for her cell immediately...its a tactic that shows how commited she really is and is willing to face the smallest of consequences.

My point is she will deny then she will see the confirming statements from you then she will start the trickle truth...if she really mean/want forgiveness it starts will handing over her cell right then and there...if she refuse then she isn;t soryy she cheated ...she is sorry for getting caught.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

Everything is together..


----------



## the guy

there are tactic that you have that will determine if you are just getting lip service or she some what means what she says.

Then again she could get angry and humiliated and get defensive and leave....if that happens inform that you will consider this abandonment and will change the locks and pck the rest of her things..

They call it tough love, not cuz its tough for the wayward but its tough on the betrayed to take the needed steps to show the one they love how serious it really is.


----------



## brokenhearted118

Ok...I am so glad that things have drastically changed over the last 8 pages. As a woman, I am enraged by your beta qualities in this horrific scenario. How dare you take this lying down and not ream your wife and these other OM a new one? 

This woman that you call your wife, has purposely, maliciously and in a calculated way destroyed your marriage and your family for some d!ck? Why are you not besides yourself and jumping on the wacky train? These heinous escapades took place in your bed? In your home? Inside of your wife? 

Confusedhubby...your name says it all! Go and kick some @ss this weekend and tell her to get the f out of your home and go suck someone else of their life, dignity and respect. (as well as their d*ck) How utterly disturbing this post is!


----------



## stevehowefan

brokenhearted118 said:


> Ok...I am so glad that things have drastically changed over the last 8 pages. As a woman, I am enraged by your beta qualities in this horrific scenario. How dare you take this lying down and not ream your wife and these other OM a new one?
> 
> This woman that you call your wife, has purposely, maliciously and in a calculated way destroyed your marriage and your family for some d!ck? Why are you not besides yourself and jumping on the wacky train? These heinous escapades took place in your bed? In your home? Inside of your wife?
> 
> Confusedhubby...your name says it all! Go and kick some @ss this weekend and tell her to get the f out of your home and go suck someone else of their life, dignity and respect. (as well as their d*ck) How utterly disturbing this post is!



This. Time to put some foot to ass. Don't delay. You already know what you have to do.


----------



## the guy

if this goes south and she starts saying some painful thing just ask her to leave if she feels this way.

I just have a feeling that the huge degree of direspect she has towards you will finaly come out so be prepared to counter that in a calm and firm manner.

One way or another you will hear some painful words from her.

just keep in mind what ever she says means nothing at the end of the day this is about you and how you will no longer tolorate this deceit from anybody.


Remember your not accusing her (you already know what you need to know) you are confront her lies and informing that you can let her go if it continues.. 

She has to see that no matter what you will be OK but what she is doing is unhealthy and its at the cost of *her marriage*...


Its all about her NC regaining her self respect back and being a mother and a wife that is emotionally happy and if she can meet that request then she is welcome to stay.

Again no matter how you look at it, her happiness is fake, no matter how she has been behaving in resent months its all fake......happy women truely happy women do not cheat and lie and risk their family.


----------



## movin on

i don't think i want to out them publicly, because there is a chance they would both get fired. well that may feel good at first, that would impact my kids and the kids on the other side.




You've come along way since this statement . Good for you. Best of luck on confrontation. Just remember by telling his wife you are doing the right thing . It's her choice to do with the info what she wants, you are giving her the choice to make the decision. If it is vindictive so what ? Her husband and your wife aren't to concerned for you. 


Btw . You are doing better than I would be . I would have already sent copies of the video to her parents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

confusedhubby0422 said:


> i'm concerned about confronting her about it.. i mean, what if she says she's glad i found out and is in love with the one guy or just in love with sex with "bigger" guys and can't and doesnt want to quit...


You should thank her, forgive her, and get rid of her. When she's in this "zone" she won't fight it. While in the process, change your user name. You're not really confused at all. Extremely tolerant maybe, but not confused.


----------



## the guy

If she choses the Om then cut her off, stop all credit cards turn her phone off, and close the bank account.

If she is that fogged in then be prepared to take quick action in showing her the consequences for her choices.

If she does bail then this tactic will bring her out of the fog alot quicker if you try to fight this by "nicing your way through"


Again cutting her off is not vandictive but making the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable as possible.

Cutting her off is a statement that you can let her go and will no longer help finace her unhealthy sex addiction.


----------



## the guy

if she walks out and bails on the marriage when you confront then expose to her family right of way.

This tactic will prevent your wife from rewriting the marital history.

You don't want her running to her parents or ather family telling lies about you and how abusive you are so she had to leave.


----------



## the guy

I truely hope she stays and doesn't leave. I hope she faces this with you.

But when it come to waywards with this kind of shameful behavior to run fast and far. 

So be prepared for her to want to go to a friends house for the night. if that happen then tell her to take all of her thing cuz she will not be welcome back any time soon.


----------



## movin on

As I told another poster . Be prepared for the confrontation. It could go two ways 
1. She is remorseful 
2. She is pissed that you found out . 
I would demand to see her cell phone. Email. Facebook as soon as you confront .

I would also have contact for omw and call her in front of the wife just to see her reaction. If she begs you not to the you know she is protecting him and you have your answer as to R or D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Don't talk yourself out of this confront tonight if possible. Then call omw right after. You can do this you deserve better.


----------



## movin on

I was like you in many ways. Trust me . You have to show her you are not afraid of divorce and in no way are you gonna put up with this sht.
Let her know if the D happens it will be because of her and you will not take blame in what she is doing .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Better yet go to their house and talk to her personally.


----------



## tom67

And take her cell phone away from her.


----------



## movin on

Just be prepared for her reaction when confronting. Total bitck or remorseful.
I was expecting bicth and got remorse.it threw me off .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

I wasn't expecting anything when I confronted I could take it or leave at that point.


----------



## tom67

movin on said:


> Just be prepared for her reaction when confronting. Total bitck or remorseful.
> I was expecting bicth and got remorse.it threw me off .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Either way she has to make a decision right away no the weekend to think about it. But I would send her packing for at least 1 week jmo.


----------



## Shaggy

Another option is if you know when she is doing it, is on the day she is there with a guy to call the police and report that you believe your house is bring broken into right now and you need the cops there.

Then stand outside with a camera and photograph the two of them.


----------



## Shaggy

I would also have the marred guys wife on speed dial when he comes out.


----------



## Shaggy

movin on said:


> i don't think i want to out them publicly, because there is a chance they would both get fired. well that may feel good at first, that would impact my kids and the kids on the other side.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You've come along way since this statement . Good for you. Best of luck on confrontation. Just remember by telling his wife you are doing the right thing . It's her choice to do with the info what she wants, you are giving her the choice to make the decision. If it is vindictive so what ? Her husband and your wife aren't to concerned for you.
> 
> 
> Btw . You are doing better than I would be . I would have already sent copies of the video to her parents.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course you don't want her to get fired, that might disrupt her ability to hook up and cheat,


----------



## the guy

Thats the thing here...what does she have to think about?


"he will cool off and want me back"

" I'll go have some fun, that will teach him"

"my plan A isn't going to work out, so confusedhuppy will have to be my plan B"


Really what is there to think about, confussedhuppy is setting up his boundries and the consequences if they are crossed...she either excepts them or not.


----------



## movin on

Shaggy said:


> Another option is if you know when she is doing it, is on the day she is there with a guy to call the police and report that you believe your house is bring broken into right now and you need the cops there.
> 
> Then stand outside with a camera and photograph the two of them.[
> 
> Maybe have Omw with him ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movin on

OP . I know at beginning of the thread you was hoping to R 
Do you still want to ? It seems you have come a long way in the past few hours
Just do what you think is best for you and the children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movin on

And whatever happens make sure you keep a copy of the video. Do not destroy the evidence. Even if you R 

You never know when you will need an " insurance policy " in case things go bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedhubby0422

My mom is taking the kids tomorrow over night. So I will wait until then. I have read all the posts here and I just want to say that, when I first found the condoms, had she been home I probably would have lost it in a fit of rage. But then i went into I need proof mode. I didn't want her to be able to explain it away and then have her find a different place to do it and then not have proof. Had he been home when I first saw the shocking proof it would have been the same. Who knows what would happen..

I actually am a fairly confident persona, I'm a former Marine. I usually am not this type of person. But after I went into getting proof mode and getting proof,, it took me to a dark place , that I've never really been to before.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

Um, as far as staying together... I don't know. I'm jut not sure. I mean everything would have to go perfectly as far as her responses. I mean for the family I would like to work it out.. But hearing some of the things she says and the sounds, not sure I can ever get that out of my head


----------



## movin on

Best of luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

One suggestion before confrontation let omw know just before. Then there will be no dosinfo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedhubby0422

I see posted via mobile on here.. Is there a mobile app?


----------



## tom67

Yes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> Um, as far as staying together... I don't know. I'm jut not sure. I mean everything would have to go perfectly as far as her responses. I mean for the family I would like to work it out.. But hearing some of the things she says and the sounds, not sure I can ever get that out of my head


Get through the confrontation.

You will have plenty of time to make a final disicion down the road when the dust clears.

After the confrontation you can then step back at let yout WW make a choice even if she doesn't know you will know before she actually tells you what her choice is.

Keep the spy gear up and wait and see.


IDK whats worse getting the lip servise of begging for the marriage from WW and only to find out that she is continuing or getting it right of way during the confrontation and tells you to phuck off and she ain't stopping. The later is good cuz it gives you a clear direction.


----------



## tom67

Just google it on the browser
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedhubby0422

Do they have for iPhone? How do i find.. Would like to have access in case I need help


----------



## Shaggy

Maybe don't say a thing, other than play the video for her and say, I wanted to show you something I just sent to Xs wife.


----------



## confusedhubby0422

I would love to see the shock value on her face by seeing the video, but I want to keep the camera as an option in case we try to work it out I can see if she is still doing it


----------



## the guy

One more thing I have learned being in this forum....

Be prepared for your wife to tell you that thats not her and completely deny any possiblity that it is, and that even though that looks like the bedroom it is not.........


That is if you elect to reveal your souce and show her the video.

There are case her at TAM were the wayward has completely denied everything while the AP and the wayward are getting there clothes on.


Given that possiblity I would think it would be a good time to have a dinner part the following week end with both sets of pareants and family and friend. Then after dinner you can play the tape.

I read a thread were the betrayed did this and no one even notices him walking out the door with his bags as they were all glued to the tv.


That reminds me no matter what happens don't leave the marital home...if this does end in a divorce it will make you look like you abandon the family.

SO RULE #1 NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCE & RULE #2 NEVER EVER MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!


----------



## Shaggy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> I would love to see the shock value on her face by seeing the video, but I want to keep the camera as an option in case we try to work it out I can see if she is still doing it


I understand, but your best bet to actually end the affair is to scare the living day lights out of her on the first pass.

That's why you really do need to expose to the wives of the other men.

I know you just want her to admit she was wrong and to revert back to bring faithful,

Trouble is that woman does not exist. The woman you are married to has adopted a lifestyle of having multiple lovers in your bed and then kissing you with those sane lips when you come home at night. She is a person who does that to you without guilt or second thought.

To restore your marriage you must destroy that person and the life she lived. You will have to expose the other men and have them hate her, you will have to have her loose her job, and will have to inflict consequences because if you don't she will just lie to you and find new places to cheat on you, and she will do it with a smile on her face.

Blow up the affair and shock her emotionally and you have a chance. Just telling her you know she is cheating won't be enough, see, she already knows she is cheating in your bed, and she doesn't care. Oh, she'll be upset at getting caught, but she'll be more worried about the OM stopping having sex with her than she will be about loosing you, she already faced that choice and she chose them over you.

Btw, you should throw out your bed and sheets and get new ones this weekend.


----------



## the guy

confusedhubby0422 said:


> I would love to see the shock value on her face by seeing the video, but I want to keep the camera as an option in case we try to work it out I can see if she is still doing it


There will be plenty of shock value as you make confirmation statement and the color runs from her face.

Remember when confronting there a "wedges" and "confirmations".

You are at apoint were you don't have accuse or ask questions, you are very confident and as she lies through her teeth you can throw in confirmation statement that will make her realize that you know at this point it will just be amatter of how much you know.

Damn it would be great if you can put a name to those other guys faces...it would show her you know alot more then she evr thought. 

Pulling the coworkes name in a confirmation statement will have its shock value, but naming the other guys will really get her.

But then again even if you throw in mutilple guys ina a confirmation statement, she my deny but in the back of her head she will be thinkinging " is he calling my bluff or does her really know.

And thats a big plus, getting the wayward to second guess what exactly you really know. It often bring about an admission that you aren;t even aware of..


----------



## confusedhubby0422

I am ready.. And I was no where near ready this morning. I think people by nature are good. Something happens to turn some bad, but thank you guys for talking me through this.


----------



## DaddyLongShanks

the guy said:


> Ok if you do choose to reveal the tapes, at the very least place a GPS tracker in her car, and plant a VAR (voice activated recorder) under her car seat.
> 
> If you do confront with the tape, then place the other gear before you confront.
> 
> I needed to be able to confirm any commitment Mrs. the-guy made after the confrontation. Every thing Mrs. the said was confirmed after the confrontation and here I am 3years after D day (discovery day)
> 
> I'm telling you this crap is addicting. Until she gets the professional help in dealing with her unhealthy choices and her deciet issues she is a liablity.
> 
> Until she learns the tools to affair proof her marriage she may go straight for a few months even years (Mrs. the guy went 5 year straight before starting up again) but start up again...hell she could tell you she will do anything to save the marriage and be back at it in a matter of days.
> 
> Stop being decieve and at the very least impliment another tool to prevent from getting burned down the road.


Part of the addiction is getting away with stuff she is not supposed to, and she has no fear of failure because you are her safety net.

It's a very REAL and STRONG addiction , possibly stronger than any drug you can imagine - even heroine.

I personally believe a person in most cases has to go through the natural cycle to end this type of behavior. She needs to bump her head against the wall enough times in her life to know it's not OK.

There has to be serious and painful repurcussions. It's the only way she wakes up and decides to her it's not worth it to cheat.

That's her decision. If you cut her today with your tiny evidence and small payment, she will go underground with it.

Doing it in your bed is a serious lack of respect.

If I could go back in time....

The best thing you can do in these situations is to 100% remove any type of support you have been providing:

1. Financial
2. Physical
3.. Emotional
4. Situational ( don't cover anything at all up for her anymore )
5. Either you or her move immediately.
6. Dont' talk to her for a year.,

You are her support, when she hears your calm and mild voice - you are safe. She can always come back to you, that's how she looks at it. 

Sorry your having to go through this, but so many other men are today.


----------



## the guy

I think throwing out the bed would be a great way to start the confrontation. 

It will be a nise opening line;
[her] what the hell our you doing with our bed.
[you] I'm not racist, but I don;t like any man screwing my wife in my bed.
[her] I'm not screwing any other men in our bed except for you.
[you] thats not what so and so wife said
[her] whats she got to do with any this
[you] your taking her husband home at lunch and screwing him in your kids house.
[her] your crazy jealous and insecure
[you] this isn't about you, I have invested enough money and have been told the truth, you no longer need to lie cuz it won't save your marriage now only the truth will bring me back to the table in saving this marriage.
[her] what are talking about?
[you] I can not control you but I will not toloarte sharing my wife with multible guys. If you wish to stop and be honest now is the time to start with letting me hear from your own mouth what I have already been told.
[her] what have you been told?
[you] you are about to lose your marriage, your home and your kids, and your only concern is how I found out the extent of your betrayal.



Can you see the wedge statements and the confirming statement in this hyperthetical dialog?


----------



## IronhorseCowboy

This is just me, but there is no way that I would even think of reconciliation or giving her a chance. She allowed other men into your bedroom. Let me say that again - YOUR BEDROOM!

I would have her stuff waiting for her outside the door with with a DVD of the videos right on top. But hey, it's just me. 

It will be interesting to hear of her response, especially if that response includes the words "what makes you think" or "what's your proof." Those would be telling words on whether she is going to admit, confess and repent, or gaslight.

There may be more to this issue than that of "size." You may be too nice and not edgy enough that the other guys are like. Being a Marine doesn't matter. I am a former Marine myself and almost ruined my marriage by being to nice to my wife. A former Marine herself. 

Good luck - we are here for you.


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## the guy

Who knows what kind of dialog you will get. maybe when she sees you throwing out the bed she will say "it about time you got rid of that bed me and my lovers like a softer mattress.

Not only will you not know how she will react, but sometimes emotions can get the better of you and you aren't even sure how you will react.


Has it ever been recommend that you carry a VAR when you confront ...its a very good idea to do so. You never know, is she the kind of women that would falsely accuse you to get you to leave...calling the cops on you? 

Plus if she confesses you will have it on tape, so days from now she doesn't plus the ol "I never said that"


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## ThePheonix

Confused, over the years, Ive seen a lot of people hold on to an dropping investment never getting a return but worse, until it bankrupts them. They hold it primarily because by selling they have to admit they made a bad call and hope it goes up to assuage that feeling. At some point folks have to realize that a marriage is like any investment. You don't have to fall on your sword, become a voluntary servant or erase the gains you've made in life so you can say you stayed in it. Sell the bad investment and get out of a bad marriage. In the long run, you cannot continue to love someone who doesn't love you.


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## DaddyLongShanks

IronhorseCowboy said:


> This is just me, but there is no way that I would even think of reconciliation or giving her a chance. She allowed other men into your bedroom. Let me say that again - YOUR BEDROOM!
> 
> I would have her stuff waiting for her outside the door with with a DVD of the videos right on top. But hey, it's just me.
> 
> It will be interesting to hear of her response, especially if that response includes the words "what makes you think" or "what's your proof." Those would be telling words on whether she is going to admit, confess and repent, or gaslight.
> 
> There may be more to this issue than that of "size." You may be too nice and not edgy enough that the other guys are like. Being a Marine doesn't matter. I am a former Marine myself and almost ruined my marriage by being to nice to my wife. A former Marine herself.
> 
> Good luck - we are here for you.


He loves her. He cares about what she is thinking. 

The other guys don't, they are some agressive guys getting pu$$y and they don't care much about her or getting caught.

It's a whole different reality.

You don't have to justify anything. You put her out and let her life lessons on her own. It takes years.

I wouldn't wait around for her. I know it's hard, but she dropped a nuclear bomb ontop of you and theres nothing you can do to reverse it.

Maybe you can teach her that cheating on someone who is supporting you is a bad idea.

So she has to pay the price and you cannot help her.


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## DaddyLongShanks

the guy said:


> Who knows what kind of dialog you will get. maybe when she sees you throwing out the bed she will say "it about time you got rid of that bed me and my lovers like a softer mattress.
> 
> Not only will you not know how she will react, but sometimes emotions can get the better of you and you aren't even sure how you will react.
> 
> 
> Has it ever been recommend that you carry a VAR when you confront ...its a very good idea to do so. You never know, is she the kind of women that would falsely accuse you to get you to leave...calling the cops on you?
> 
> Plus if she confesses you will have it on tape, so days from now she doesn't plus the ol "I never said that"


The ego and personality these guys have I call "the devil".

You have to understand her mindset. 

You see, you can drop her, threaten to drop her, or whatever - but she doesn't really care, because she has the other guys. Plus the weeks or months of cheating on you, has her slick on you...

So when you really drop her, she probably will say some really messed up stuff. Some of it completely illogical. Some of it very painful.

You might as well not even talk to her and let your actions do the speaking.


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## bandit.45

Silverlining said:


> My dagger is glowing


:rofl:


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## Viseral

I can barely even read this thread it makes me so mad! Ugh! Dude, if my woman did that I'd go so ballistic she and those piece of sh*t other men would be fearing for their lives. Laws and political correctness be damned.

What the hell happened to all the men in our society? I swear most American men have cut their balls off and put them in their woman's purses.

That's it! I'm opening a manhood academy and the beatings of metrosexual, sensitive boy, chest hair shaving, wanna-be's will continue until men in our society grow their balls back!


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## warlock07

The writing style seems familiar


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## Silverlining

warlock07 said:


> The writing style seems familiar


:iagree:


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## ThePheonix

Viseral said:


> What the hell happened to all the men in our society? I swear most American men have cut their balls off and put them in their woman's purses.


Not this boy V. Its too easy to replace a bad one. If I ain't on a pedestal and her forsaking all others, she's got to go.


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## the guy

warlock07 said:


> The writing style seems familiar


I wish I had a writing style...:lol:


You guys are killing me, what makes this any different then any other guy going through some out rages crap with their old lady?

I mean who would of thought some 50 year old chick would be having anal sex in the back of her SUV, or that some ones old lady went to Vegas for a GNO, or some guy let his wife hang in the big city for the week..... I mean come on

prove me wrong but until other wise proven I think every cat that comes her has to be given the benefit of the doubt!

I mean really who gets sent a video of their wife having sex with OM and a OW, who gets involved with their PT and leaves their husband, who walks away from 3 kids and moves out of state????


Maybe its me.


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## Silverlining

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Trust me man...you have a writing style unique to you and you alone...:rofl:
> 
> I'll lay out the reasons why I think this is bullsh!t.
> 
> Two or 3 black guys that are all packing major meat sticks that all happen to either work for the wife, know the hung employee or are locals. This is Penthouse Letters stuff.
> OP implies that his old lady is feeling "stretched out" due to the big schlongs she's riding. The vagina is very elastic, and it will go back to original size with any normal to large sized units. Unless she's stuffing large diameter inanimate objects up her cooch regularly or is fisting, it's not going to get stretched out. Channeling your typical porno plot again...
> He happens to see 4 Magnum condoms laying on the bed.
> Wife works as a head of accounting for the local gov't. She should have a good head on her shoulders. I think she would be a little more discrete than to have 3 or more black guys coming to the house regularly for nooners... Even if it's just one at a time, I think people would notice.
> ...speaking of which, if her black subordinate is a clerk, then he's a salaried non-exempt employee. Considering that non-exempt employees are eligible for overtime, when was the last time you ever saw a non-exempt employee being allowed to leave the work premises???
> 
> If I think about it more, I could come up with more reasons to call this a bogus thread. But here is my list of what I think does not make sense or sounds kosher.


:iagree:
This story plays out like the guy who walked in on his church wife banging the pastor in their bed IMO.


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## IronhorseCowboy

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Trust me man...you have a writing style unique to you and you alone...:rofl:
> 
> I'll lay out the reasons why I think this is bullsh!t.
> 
> Two or 3 black guys that are all packing major meat sticks that all happen to either work for the wife, know the hung employee or are locals. This is Penthouse Letters stuff.
> OP implies that his old lady is feeling "stretched out" due to the big schlongs she's riding. The vagina is very elastic, and it will go back to original size with any normal to large sized units. Unless she's stuffing large diameter inanimate objects up her cooch regularly or is fisting, it's not going to get stretched out. Channeling your typical porno plot again...
> He happens to see 4 Magnum condoms laying on the bed.
> Wife works as a head of accounting for the local gov't. She should have a good head on her shoulders. I think she would be a little more discrete than to have 3 or more black guys coming to the house regularly for nooners... Even if it's just one at a time, I think people would notice.
> ...speaking of which, if her black subordinate is a clerk, then he's a salaried non-exempt employee. Considering that non-exempt employees are eligible for overtime, when was the last time you ever saw a non-exempt employee being allowed to leave the work premises???
> 
> If I think about it more, I could come up with more reasons to call this a bogus thread. But here is my list of what I think does not make sense or sounds kosher.


I'll give him the benefit of the doubt - hey at least his story didn't involve men dressed in clown outfits.:thumbup:


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## ThePheonix

Silverlining said:


> :iagree:
> This story plays out like the guy who walked in on his church wife banging the pastor in their bed IMO.


I think that one alone got a couple of folks banned when they called it.


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## stevehowefan

Have you confronted yet?


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## stevehowefan

Guess dude got it figured out.


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## Numbersixxx

ok, just read through the first five pages. This smells like a bogus thread by a cuckold fethishist.


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## OldWolf57

I quit coming here after burning out.

He has a style the mods busted.

The only cred. is the working for the city.
Maybe he's back, just doing more research for his stories.


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## Decorum

Old Wolf,
Glad to see you posting again.

You cant just hang out and cook! HA HA
I hope you are doing well!


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## OldWolf57

thanks Decorum.
Lost my mom, and burned out.

And The guy has a point


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## unfortunate00

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS

LOL, this thread. Surprised my comments were deleted. The permanently stretched out WW who was gang banging well hung guys...


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