# adhd partner



## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

Does hany has a spouse or a partner with adhd how is it hard for you and marriage


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I personally think people are over diagnosed with ADHD 

Remove the sugar from your diet and stop using spcial media and reduce screen time and you'll have massive improvements.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

adhd is a ******** new age fake disease.

some people just do not like to sit in one place for a long period of time. so the modern kooks drug them


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

UGH! I am a person with ADD, and I suppose some element of H but not too bad. Obviously I disagree with the two posters above, but only because I see the symptoms within my own self. I don't use my ADD as an excuse for poor behavior, though--just sometimes I know what I'm struggling with and why. 

So, in my own self, I see these DSM-5 criteria in my own life...I believe I would qualify for predominantly inattentive presentation:
*Inattention:*

Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities--I'm actually fairly attentive to detail but only because I try VERY HARD! If I go to what feels natural to me, I come across a little like an absent-minded professor or ditzy. "Ah she programmed the system...but forgot to wear shoes." LO
Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities--Inside my head I am pulled off track, but I just remind myself over and over (and over and over) to get back on track. I set very short goals (like "Do 10 and then you can stand up!")
Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly--I have no idea if this is true, but inside my head it feels this way, in that people say something, and my mind goes off on this tangent, then I remember "Oh I have to listen." 
Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked)--Oh I get side-tracked ALL THE TIME! It's irritating! But I am literally a crazy list maker and I write down the steps to finish and then check off everything. So that helps me actually complete things.
Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities--What's funny is that for a living I do a mix of bookkeeping and project management for our national association's computer systems. So I'm very organized...but I literally spent a lifetime learning "how to do that." Inside my heart, I feel a bit messy and comfortably cluttery.
Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework)--Well by the end of the day I have a headache almost every day because I have to filter out all this extra visual stimulation and audio stimulation and thoughts/ideas and butterflies flittering by. It's not the mental effort--I actually enjoying thinking--it's the effort involved in staying focused over a long period of time.
Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones)--UGH, honestly this is true. I think my Beloved Buddhist may think I have some OCD but I really don't. I just put everything back in the same place or it is ABSOLUTELY lost to me. It feels like it was sucked into a black hole in the universe somewhere.
Is often easily distracted--What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, ADD! LOL
Is often forgetful in daily activities--You know what I do? It's a perfect example of adapting to being an adult but having ADD: I am sitting at my desk and think "I'd like a glass of water." I walk downstairs to the kitchen. I see the plant in the window by the front door, and I think it needs to be trimmed. I walk toward the kitchen shears, but they aren't in the drawer. No worries I MAY have washed them last night. Oh I didn't put the dishes away. I put the dishes away and don't find the shears. GOOD GOD where could they be? Small panic. Okay no need to panic--breathe. I breathe and then decide I'll try looking around. Looking around I see my water glass on the counter. Ooo I would love a glass of water. Wait...that's what I came down here for! LOL

*Hyperactivity/Impulsivity:*

Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet, or squirms in seat--I didn't even realize, but I often tap my toe or twiddle my fingers!
Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected--Oh I can stay seated, but I shift-shift-shift. 
Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may be limited to feeling restless)--Nah, I run about or climb when it's appropriate. 
Often unable to play or take part in leisure activities quietly--I love to read and binge-watching shows with Beloved Buddhist...so not so much.
Is often “on the go” acting as if “driven by a motor”--Well...hubby says I have a little sun of burning energy inside me so maybe!
Often talks excessively--I do, and I love to talk to people. What's funny is that I'm an introvert but I'll exhaust myself so I can talk to someone.
Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed--I do. It feels like a competition and if I say it first, I win!
Often has trouble waiting their turn--Well...see the whole "competition" business above.
Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games)--I have to confess I do this, because at times my Beloved hubby has told me I interrupted him and he'll think I don't care about what he has to say, so he'll just stop talking. I'm really sad about that, beause I would NEVER want him to feel that way! So I practice REALLY HARD to stay quiet, pay attention to what he's saying, and listen. 
How is it hard for me and my marriage? I'd say it's harder on @Emerging Buddhist than me, because he has to put up with me! But it is somewhat hard on me too because I know I struggle with all this. I do have many coping mechanisms in place (like my lists of lists--and getting back on track over and over and over--and breathing to not feel so energetic), and I do believe they help me quite a bit, but overall relationships feel like I have to stay alert almost all the time to stay on top of myself.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> UGH! I am a person with ADD, and I suppose some element of H but not too bad. Obviously I disagree with the two posters above, but only because I see the symptoms within my own self. I don't use my ADD as an excuse for poor behavior, though--just sometimes I know what I'm struggling with and why.
> 
> So, in my own self, I see these DSM-5 criteria in my own life...I believe I would qualify for predominantly inattentive presentation:
> *Inattention:*
> ...


I was diagnosed at VA with ADHD prior to starting R in December of 2015. Went to a holistic doc, treated with dietary changes and hypnosis. All under control now.


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

Affaircare said:


> UGH! I am a person with ADD, and I suppose some element of H but not too bad. Obviously I disagree with the two posters above, but only because I see the symptoms within my own self. I don't use my ADD as an excuse for poor behavior, though--just sometimes I know what I'm struggling with and why.
> 
> So, in my own self, I see these DSM-5 criteria in my own life...I believe I would qualify for predominantly inattentive presentation:
> *Inattention:*
> ...


 are you treated


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> adhd is a ****** new age fake disease.
> 
> some people just do not like to sit in one place for a long period of time. so the modern kooks drug them


No. It is a genuine condition. It's often just a different way of thinking from other people, so doesn't necessarily require drug intervention.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

samuelbamiteko said:


> are you treated


how does your spouse's ADHD manifest itself? Have they had a formal diagnosis?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I do almost all of the things on your list and it has never negatively effected me in any way. On any given day I am up from my desk at home doing things getting distracted maybe 10 times a day. My wife is literally zero.

It hasn’t made any difference in my life at all although sometimes she wishes I had more than a 5 minute attention span.

I could see it would be a problem if you could literally NEVER concentrate, and my job occasionally requires that I concentrate and sit there for maybe stretches of 3-4 hours at a time but that’s it.

So I don’t know what makes a person clinical other than a diagnosis from a clinician, or if I took drugs that made me sit there all day without getting up if my life would be better (probably not).


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> adhd is a ****** new age fake disease.
> 
> some people just do not like to sit in one place for a long period of time. so the modern kooks drug them


So you know this for sure, right?


you have no F-ing clue. Not one.

I’ve suffered from severe adhd my entire life. It SUCKS. I would kill to be like a normal person. I would do anything. You have no idea what it’s like to constantly live in a fog. To not be able
To pay attention to anything. To have a million thoughts race through your head every second of every day.

you have no idea.

what an ignorant, arrogant thing to say.

you know nothing about this condition. Absolutely nothing.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

samuelbamiteko said:


> are you treated


I do not take medications. One of my sons was diagnosed and took medication for a while and also hated it. Instead I avoid sugar in my diet and oddly enough, black coffee seems to mellow me out. Honestly… I usually just use coping techniques.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> I do not take medications. One of my sons was diagnosed and took medication for a while and also hated it. Instead I avoid sugar in my diet and oddly enough, black coffee seems to mellow me out. Honestly… I usually just use coping techniques.


I just 


Affaircare said:


> I do not take medications. One of my sons was diagnosed and took medication for a while and also hated it. Instead I avoid sugar in my diet and oddly enough, black coffee seems to mellow me out. Honestly… I usually just use coping techniques.


@Affaircare have you taken the Jasper-Goldberg test? Back after my D-Day in 2015 I was in mid sixties which if extreme ADHD. My doctor at VA told me most entrepreneurs have a bit of this. My last visit a week ago I scored 20 virtually no ADHD now. I imbibe only minimal alcoholic beverages, no sugar, healthy balanced diet and high octane supplements and work out daily.

My naprapathic physician also does quarterly hair sample analysis to make sure my copper levels stay within desired range. Copper if left unchecked impairs concentration. I usually do a copper detox in the summer with vitamin b6 and zinc for a month. I feel great. Semi annually I do a liver cleanse with olive oil and fresh grapefruit juice. It sounds out there to a lot of folks, but it works


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> I do not take medications. One of my sons was diagnosed and took medication for a while and also hated it. Instead I avoid sugar in my diet and oddly enough, black coffee seems to mellow me out. Honestly… I usually just use coping techniques.


thats really what it comes down to for add people. You learn to live with it. You understand your limitations. You learn exactly what energy you can expend into things you are looking to accomplish. You know exactly when your add will take over (and we all know when that is going to happen and we know we can’t control it).

in a way, it hides our condition from others. People close to us know about it because we can’t hide it from them. They will see the adhd come out. Especially our spouse. They are around us too much. We can’t “get away” once the adhd takes over.

it took my wife a long time to get used to.

I do take medication. I have for 21 years now. I hate it, but I need it to do the work that I do. It’s the only thing that keeps me employed. Desire? Will power? What a joke. Normal people have no idea the amount of desire and will power that adhd people have. The amount of energy it takes for us to pay attention to something. To not get distracted. Half of my energy (if not more) is taken just to block out the “noise”.


there are different “levels” of adhd. We all do relatively the same coping mechanisms. For some of us, that is good enough and works. For some of us, extra help from medication is needed.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I just
> 
> @Affaircare have you taken the Jasper-Goldberg test? Back after my D-Day in 2015 I was in mid sixties which if extreme ADHD. My doctor at VA told me most entrepreneurs have a bit of this. My last visit a week ago I scored 20 virtually no ADHD now. I imbibe only minimal alcoholic beverages, no sugar, healthy balanced diet and high octane supplements and work out daily.
> 
> My naprapathic physician also does quarterly hair sample analysis to make sure my copper levels stay within desired range. Copper if left unchecked impairs concentration. I usually do a copper detox in the summer with vitamin b6 and zinc for a month. I feel great. Semi annually I do a liver cleanse with olive oil and fresh grapefruit juice. It sounds out there to a lot of folks, but it works


if you want to detox from heavy metals, drink mountain dew.
it has the same chelating agent they use in hospitals for if you have lead poisoning.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> if you want to detox from heavy metals, drink mountain dew.
> it has the same chelating agent they use in hospitals for if you have lead poisoning.


Hell no! I do cilantro and tomato juice twice per week.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

So I tried to count how many times I got up in the last two hours and I couldn’t pay attention well enough to do it.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Affaircare said:


> black coffee seems to mellow me out.


Back home, when I was a psychology student volunteering at poor schools, many doctors recommended black coffee or coca leaves tea for kids diagnosed with ADHD.

Adderall and other medications are stimulants. Coffee and coca leaves are stimulants as well and seemed to work making kids more focused and calmer.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> So I tried to count how many times I got up in the last two hours and I couldn’t pay attention well enough to do it.


I’m right there with you, brother.

I can sit for about 30 minutes max. I get up,
Walk around my building and then go back to my desk.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

ADHD is absolutely a real condition. I have heard some people say its a gift (NO ITS NOT). Its also not something that comes and goes or you feel coming on. Its with you all the time. Thoughts, memories, ideas, are constantly hitting you. The only benefit I can think of is it makes you an extremely adaptive person. When everyone says something cant be done or its broken, you sit there almost in a zombie like state rapidly analyzing and processing ideas for work arounds or quick fixes.

ADHD is very frustrating to people who don't have the condition. You can make plans on how to handle something, then ten minutes later everyone is upset you changed the plans. And thats because your mind is constantly analyzing and you see new variables to the situation and therefore adapt with new plans. 

To give you an idea of an ADHD mind over the course of three hours....I think I am mowing the grass today better go get trimmer string. At hardware store ohhh! I need new jigsaw blades, I am going to finish grass later to work on that new table. Three cuts later and you are thirsty and suddenly feel like watching a movie. Halfway through you go wow, weather is nice. I am taking boat out to catch some dinner. Damn boat is dirty and I don't feel like cleaning. Let me cut the grass. Five rows later, I want to make some more cuts for that table. Hmmmm dog wants to play, i will take her to park and while at park I am oblivious she got out of the gate while I am mentally coming up with plans to expand my workshop. 🤣🤣🤣

I am on medication, and it doesn't make it 100% better. But I can now plan on cutting the yard and finish it without doing anything else in between


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Hell no! I do cilantro and tomato juice twice per week.


and where is this cilantro grown? Certified organic? or just full of pesticides and heavy metals?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> and where is this cilantro grown? Certified organic? or just full of pesticides and heavy metals?


Certified organic from Fresh Market or Whole Foods. The wife and I try to eat clean as possible at home. Read up on cilantro….wonder plant.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> adhd is a ****** new age fake disease.


I disagree with it being fake, but I do think it's obscenely over-diagnosed. Too many people want to put a label on everything. There are some distinct traits, and some that cause real problems, for those who do actually suffer from ADHD.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> @Affaircare have you taken the Jasper-Goldberg test? Back after my D-Day in 2015 I was in mid sixties which if extreme ADHD. My doctor at VA told me most entrepreneurs have a bit of this. My last visit a week ago I scored 20 virtually no ADHD now. I imbibe only minimal alcoholic beverages, no sugar, healthy balanced diet and high octane supplements and work out daily.


I have taken Jasper-Goldberg. It's a little bit hard for me to take it, as I could answer one way "if I were in my natural state" (or what feels natural), or differently "as I present using coping techniques"... right? My natural state would score a 95...70 or above is ADHD. LOL! But for example the first question is: "Do you have a sense of underachievement, of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished?" Well... naturally, inside my head I do yes...I feel like I don't get anything done. But I've also worked on that a lot in my own therapy, and so my sense of achievement is modified to celebrate smaller victories that add up to larger wins that add up to really accomplishing something! So see what I mean? I don't feel like an underachiever because I have learned how to look at it realistically, but at the same time, inside my heart, I feel like I spin my wheels. I don't--I get a lot done!



> My naprapathic physician also does quarterly hair sample analysis to make sure my copper levels stay within desired range. Copper if left unchecked impairs concentration. I usually do a copper detox in the summer with vitamin b6 and zinc for a month. I feel great. Semi annually I do a liver cleanse with olive oil and fresh grapefruit juice. It sounds out there to a lot of folks, but it works


Huh. Well like you NLLH, I use a naturopathic physician and told her on the first visit that I would not prefer medications and definitely DO prefer changes in diet, exercising, holistic approaches, and would be willing to try supplements and herbs. Like you, EB and I eat what I call "one-ingredient food." But I had never heard this about Copper; I'll have to look into that. I do take zinc fairly regularly, we cook with olive oil or coconut oil, and every day I have a "tea tonic" I make of hot water, apple cide vinegar, lemon juice, and raw honey.  I suspect we see eye-to-eye on this more natural approach to health and ADD.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> I have taken Jasper-Goldberg. It's a little bit hard for me to take it, as I could answer one way "if I were in my natural state" (or what feels natural), or differently "as I present using coping techniques"... right? My natural state would score a 95...70 or above is ADHD. LOL! But for example the first question is: "Do you have a sense of underachievement, of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished?" Well... naturally, inside my head I do yes...I feel like I don't get anything done. But I've also worked on that a lot in my own therapy, and so my sense of achievement is modified to celebrate smaller victories that add up to larger wins that add up to really accomplishing something! So see what I mean? I don't feel like an underachiever because I have learned how to look at it realistically, but at the same time, inside my heart, I feel like I spin my wheels. I don't--I get a lot done!
> 
> 
> 
> Huh. Well like you NLLH, I use a naturopathic physician and told her on the first visit that I would not prefer medications and definitely DO prefer changes in diet, exercising, holistic approaches, and would be willing to try supplements and herbs. Like you, EB and I eat what I call "one-ingredient food." But I had never heard this about Copper; I'll have to look into that. I do take zinc fairly regularly, we cook with olive oil or coconut oil, and every day I have a "tea tonic" I make of hot water, apple cide vinegar, lemon juice, and raw honey.  I suspect we see eye-to-eye on this more natural approach to health and ADD.


I am all about “clean” no telling what chemicals I was exposed to in the Corps. I often wonder if some chemical contaminants I was exposed to impacted me mentally ?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I am all about “clean” no telling what chemicals I was exposed to in the Corps. I often wonder if some chemical contaminants I was exposed to impacted me mentally ?


did you grow up in a house made before 1977?
Lead paint was widely used in houses before 1977. in fact if you painted the outside of a house in the 1960's, it was almost guaranteed you used lead paint. Kids pick up lead dust from windows that go up and down and scrape off the old paint. then they either breath it in, or it gets onto their fingers and into their mouth.

lead poisoning can have def. development issues in young kids


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> So you know this for sure, right?
> 
> 
> you have no F-ing clue. Not one.
> ...


are you treated


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

samuelbamiteko said:


> are you treated


Yes - as well as I can be. Treatment for some unlucky souls like myself only goes so far. Then I have to revert back to what affaircare said. You have to adapt to the way your mind works to get stuff done.

Most people don’t understand, and that is ok. They don’t have to. I can empathize with normal working brains. If I was like them, dealing with someone like me would drive me nuts.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Talker67 said:


> did you grow up in a house made before 1977?
> Lead paint was widely used in houses before 1977. in fact if you painted the outside of a house in the 1960's, it was almost guaranteed you used lead paint. Kids pick up lead dust from windows that go up and down and scrape off the old paint. then they either breath it in, or it gets onto their fingers and into their mouth.
> 
> lead poisoning can have def. development issues in young kids


@Talker67 

Both @No Longer Lonely Husband and I are old folks. LOL. I'll speak only for myself her and let him chime in, but I was born in the 60's, and we definitely painted the house I grew up in until I was in Kindergarten...and the new house we built in elementary school. So just by nature of growing up in the 60's and 70's I'm fairly sure there was lead paint involved somewhere...and I know there is some connection with lead paint and ADHD but it's 40+ years later now so who can tell?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Affaircare said:


> @Talker67
> 
> Both @No Longer Lonely Husband and I are old folks. LOL. I'll speak only for myself her and let him chime in, but I was born in the 60's, and we definitely painted the house I grew up in until I was in Kindergarten...and the new house we built in elementary school. So just by nature of growing up in the 60's and 70's I'm fairly sure there was lead paint involved somewhere...and I know there is some connection with lead paint and ADHD but it's 40+ years later now so who can tell?


Let’s see...lead paint....asbestos....my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me...no telling.... hey 59 is not old!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

My ADHD also caused significant problems with my marriage that I wish in hindsight i would have adressed along with other issues. I know in hindsight I was difficult to live with due to the fact I was far happier when I as active and in motion calling on prospects and existing customers.....I was like a motor running perpetually for several years. Now I can chill and relax without feeling like I need to be in action continually. I know I drove my FWW crazy at times.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I am all about “clean” no telling what chemicals I was exposed to in the Corps. I often wonder if some chemical contaminants I was exposed to impacted me mentally ?


If I may ask sir, where did you serve? 

Your talk of being exposed to chemicals reminds me of my wifes grandfather. He was one of the chopper pilots in the La Drang Valley battle involving Col Hal Moore. Many have no idea until you say that's the battle portrayed in the movie We Were Soldiers. He used to tell me about all the chemicals they were exposed to. He never spoke of many details. But said he has no F'ing clue how he survived. He said his chopper was full of holes and nothing by bullets bouncing off or puncturing the chopper. He also said Col Moore was just like he was portrayed in the movie. He was a very good officer who cared about his people. 

I am not trying to hijack the thread. Just thought you might like that.


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> ADHD is absolutely a real condition. I have heard some people say its a gift (NO ITS NOT). Its also not something that comes and goes or you feel coming on. Its with you all the time. Thoughts, memories, ideas, are constantly hitting you. The only benefit I can think of is it makes you an extremely adaptive person. When everyone says something cant be done or its broken, you sit there almost in a zombie like state rapidly analyzing and processing ideas for work arounds or quick fixes.
> 
> ADHD is very frustrating to people who don't have the condition. You can make plans on how to handle something, then ten minutes later everyone is upset you changed the plans. And thats because your mind is constantly analyzing and you see new variables to the situation and therefore adapt with new plans.
> 
> ...


you need therapy and coaching


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

samuelbamiteko said:


> you need therapy and coaching


Medication is the primary treatment for ADHD. My first doctor refused meds and referred me to counseling. The counselor flat out said I will be glad to provide you with tools and ways to deal with this condition. But without medication, its pointless to try. She said talk therapy for ADHD is about as effective as talk therapy for someone suffering from depression and anxiety due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. 

I got a new doctor who prescribed me stimulant meds. They are not the type of med that has to buildup in the system. I noticed a difference with a calmer mind and more focus within the first hour of the first dose. I have been on meds well over ten years. If I stop, I revert right back to my old behavior.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> If I may ask sir, where did you serve?
> 
> Your talk of being exposed to chemicals reminds me of my wifes grandfather. He was one of the chopper pilots in the La Drang Valley battle involving Col Hal Moore. Many have no idea until you say that's the battle portrayed in the movie We Were Soldiers. He used to tell me about all the chemicals they were exposed to. He never spoke of many details. But said he has no F'ing clue how he survived. He said his chopper was full of holes and nothing by bullets bouncing off or puncturing the chopper. He also said Col Moore was just like he was portrayed in the movie. He was a very good officer who cared about his people.
> 
> I am not trying to hijack the thread. Just thought you might like that.


I was in Desert Storm In Saudi,Kuwait, and Iraq all I want to say. No telling what we breathed in when all of the wells were set on fire and other crap. 

Thankfully, I did not have to deal with all of the issues those in Vietnam did. My service was a cakewalk compared to what some of my family and friends experienced in Nam. Those who were in country had it far worse than anything my division was exposed to.

I have a BIL who was a Huey pilot. He has balls as big as boulders as he landed in hot LZs too many times to count. He said he just looked forward always waiting to get hit but never did. And yes, his choppers were hit by small arms fire each mission he told me. Highly decorated.

He suffers heart issues due to his exposure to agent orange. Another friend of mine, a marine who was in during Tet, has had two brain tumors removed, and one half of his left lung due to orange. Just buried one of my dad’s close friends who was Army and in country from pancreatic cancer which was orange related.

Having been in combat, I can attest to the reality of the battle in the movie you mentioned does a decent job of recreating a battle, but what you see is only a few minutes on a screen. Real combat is far more horrendous that what you see in the movies. No way a movie can accurately portray combat unless they use live footage from a combat photographer.

My BIL’s and my close friend Chris still has night terrors from fifty years ago and PTSD. He will not even tell me what he experienced to this day. All I can say about Chris, is the first time I was in his study and saw his decorations, my jaw dropped to the floor. Bronze star with “V” among other serious hardware.

Vietnam veterans had a hard row to hoe over there and got nothing but maltreatment when they returned home. UNACCEPTABLE to me. I revere these guys! Threadjack of a threadjack over.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

theloveofmylife said:


> I disagree with it being fake, but I do think it's obscenely over-diagnosed. Too many people want to put a label on everything. There are some distinct traits, and some that cause real problems, for those who do actually suffer from ADHD.


You have to watch teachers. They try to push parents to put their young boys on Ritalin and other crap as they do not want to deal with the real nature of active little boys. My son‘s third grade teach was adamant that he needed to be on Ritalin. 

I told her in as polite language as I could “No damn way! He is a little boy and little boys are full of energy and naturally have short attention spans.” My wife and I also paid a visit to the principal who we informed of this and teacher was disciplined.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> @Talker67
> 
> Both @No Longer Lonely Husband and I are old folks. LOL. I'll speak only for myself her and let him chime in, but I was born in the 60's, and we definitely painted the house I grew up in until I was in Kindergarten...and the new house we built in elementary school. So just by nature of growing up in the 60's and 70's I'm fairly sure there was lead paint involved somewhere...and I know there is some connection with lead paint and ADHD but it's 40+ years later now so who can tell?


yep.
that was my job as a teenager, painting the house. which, of course, involved scraping and sanding what was there. No masks in the 1960's. So i have had my fill.

Today there would be NO POWER SANDING, a P100 respirator. and tyvek coveralls.

i actually had to get my blood lead tested a number of times for a renovation job i was doing three years ago. and my blood lead level was extremely low, some tests came back undetectable, so i guess eventually all that lead comes out of your system


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Throwing in my hat on the AD(H)D is a real condition. And as @theloveofmylife noted, it is, or at least was, over diagnosed. A little more history on it. For us 70's babies, it was called Hyperactivity back then, only boys got it, and you outgrew it in adolescence. We know so much better now. First off it is a defect in the part of the brain that regulates attention. As such, not only can you have all the distraction issues previously mentioned, you can also suffer from hyper focusing, to the point that you forget all else, even meals for the worse cases. And yes, stimulants do help because they end up speeding up that part of the brain and it allows you to regulate attention again.

Oh and today's over diagnosis seem to be less ADD and more Asperger's.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Medication is the primary treatment for ADHD. My first doctor refused meds and referred me to counseling. The counselor flat out said I will be glad to provide you with tools and ways to deal with this condition. But without medication, its pointless to try. She said talk therapy for ADHD is about as effective as talk therapy for someone suffering from depression and anxiety due to a chemical imbalance in the brain.
> 
> I got a new doctor who prescribed me stimulant meds. They are not the type of med that has to buildup in the system. I noticed a difference with a calmer mind and more focus within the first hour of the first dose. I have been on meds well over ten years. If I stop, I revert right back to my old behavior.


This is 100% true. Some of us are just unlucky. All the therapy and talking and planning won't do anything. It has to be medicated and the medication makes it better, but it isn't 100% effective.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> You have to watch teachers. They try to push parents to put their young boys on Ritalin and other crap as they do not want to deal with the real nature of active little boys. My son‘s third grade teach was adamant that he needed to be on Ritalin.
> 
> I told her in as polite language as I could “No damn way! He is a little boy and little boys are full of energy and naturally have short attention spans.” My wife and I also paid a visit to the principal who we informed of this and teacher was disciplined.


I knew I couldn't be the only one who went through this nonsense 😒

My daughter is now 14. When she was 6, we got a call from her teacher requesting a conference. Upon arrival it was my wife and I who were met by the teacher, counselor, and assistant principal. They said she is an intelligent student but she has been observed on numerous occasions not paying attention to the lesson, talking, and drawing. Blah blah blah 

I responded with.....She is 6 years old

We strive to provide the best education to all students and unless she pays attention blah blah blah 

She is 6 yeard old

We feel that it would be best to have her tested for add by one of our certified blah blah blah 

She is 6 years old 

Sir! You keep repeating she is 6 years old! She isn't focusing on the subjects, she is doodling rather than paying attention and we feel blah blah blah 

I said I don't feel any of you are paying attention. She is 6 years old. How you all keep roughly 20 6 year olds seated all at the same time for hours a day is a miracle in itself. I would be extremely worried if she didn't doodle, didn't socialize, and didn't daydream. I feel all of this is signs of a healthy growing mind and I fully agree that she is intelligent, very intelligent. But I know where this is going and no, I do not consent to testing for ADD because I am almost 100% sure your expert will say she has it and it will be marked in her records. And no, I am not having her put on Ritalin to drug her to make your job easier. Maybe the three of you aren't cut out for this kind of work ?

My wife had a slight smile and said outside that there was absolutely nothing I could possibly add to that. I told her that getting labeled ADD and being put on Ritalin would affect getting in the military if she decided that route which I regret not doing.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I am all about “clean” no telling what chemicals I was exposed to in the Corps. I often wonder if some chemical contaminants I was exposed to impacted me mentally ?


Heh... you bet we were exposed, how it affected us depends on how close we were to it from the burning that filled the skies, the equipment we drove through the contaminants in the sand, and if you took those cursed nerve agent antidote pills they handed out 24 hours before the ground war kicked in.

Plus if you received the Anthrax and Botulinum shots.

We are all different, that I'm making it to 60 with all the garbage the Army put into me I consider myself blessed.

Drive on Marine...


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Heh... you bet we were exposed, how it affected us depends on how close we were to it from the burning that filled the skies, the equipment we drove through the contaminants in the sand, and if you took those cursed nerve agent antidote pills they handed out 24 hours before the ground war kicked in.
> 
> Plus if you received the Anthrax and Botulinum shots.
> 
> ...


I have absolutely mad respect for the dedication and commitment the men and women of the military put forth and the accomplishments yall made.

Not everyone is cut out for this kind of work. But I seriously think it needs to be called out for the sacrifices and discipline yall have. Because it damn sure isn't an 8-5 M-F job with mandatory breaks in between.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

So @samuelbamiteko , I am @Affaircare's other half and for me, I see a wife who works hard to find the right tools to ensure any struggles are minimized.

It is not about how hard unless we make it hard with our reactions and expectations, if there were going to be struggles, it would be because of a lack of willingness to make the best effort to understand how things impact our shared environment. None of us are perfect, laugh off the inconsistencies and learn to take some of these things a little less serious, trying to control it all is brutal and the frustration of trying will be just that, trying. 

Honestly, it is easier for me to be patient, less critical, the one who realizes that I’ve thrown out far too many options and to try to not surprise her with them when we plan together. My role is not to set her up for failure or make her feel bad when she meanders. It may get in the way of something like time management, so I give myself a few more minutes to help so there are fewer loose ends… we aren’t talking about saving live here, these are just daily tasks that the teamwork of marriage was meant to be. When it’s time to do what is needed, do it… a “wash your bowl” moment (meaning that just simply do the next thing needed without worrying about all the other stuff spinning around you).

She is a background noise worker, I am a silence is golden worker… we are actually a match made in heaven when it comes to this as she loves it and I can’t hear it! I love her excitement, but sometimes my side of the conversation does get walked on and when that happens, I’ll just listen. I’m used to that because since I’ve lost my hearing people who know begin to talk around you and not to you and feel your part of the conversation is less. Since I lost 70% before meeting AC and perhaps as part of my spiritual learning, I learned to be very patient with it and keep my conversations to the point. Now that I’m near 90% loss, I have to focus on her facial expression and movement of lips to tie it all together, but it keeps her attentive as well and we have some wonderful conversations as our attention is narrowed. 

When I have my hearing aids in and dialed-up, the conversations becomes more fluid and then the chance of overloading the conversation happens and I can be interrupted mid-sentence with something that seems off-topic to me but flows with her rational connecting the dots and if I give it time, the connections becomes clear because I am willing to give it the time it needs to do just that. Call it love, but there are times where I just sit back and see where it goes as it is she just damn interesting as a person, and it is one of the things I love dearly about her. My appreciation for her and how she thinks grows daily, she is brilliant and loving and we laugh out loud at some of my military bearing and her sometimes lost bearings!

Bottom line, I have learned with family who are ADHD and also a wife who is ADD, that when I am rooted others can appreciate the steadiness.

What is your role in your question?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Heh... you bet we were exposed, how it affected us depends on how close we were to it from the burning that filled the skies, the equipment we drove through the contaminants in the sand, and if you took those cursed nerve agent antidote pills they handed out 24 hours before the ground war kicked in.
> 
> Plus if you received the Anthrax and Botulinum shots.
> 
> ...


Precisely EB why I am not taking coronavirus vaccination. Lol, got those shots and took the pills. Orders are orders you know.

I often wonder if my psoriasis which developed shortly thereafter was related to those things.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

Living this now. My DW diagnosed herself (she’s an clinical social worker) recently. I googled how to impacts marriages and all the issues I found in multiple articles explains most of our fights. The biggest thing is that your relationship feels like it revolves around them. And another is lack of reciprocity. Here’s what I see most:

- Lack of interest or inability to add much to conversations I initiate. This is disconnecting in that she enjoys me being involved in her conversations. I do research so as to be able to have deep intelligent conversations on her topics. This is not reciprocated.

- Inability to handle complicated/detailed tasks. Gives up on, invalidates or dismisses need for any task I request of her. Does not dig in and figure stuff out. Example: basically wanted me to handle all her HR onboarding stuff (401K, insurance, W4). She benefits from me just figuring it out. Leaves me to do most of the “life in the real world” stuff. Figure stuff should work out a certain way just because she thinks it should. If not, it’s dumb. 

- Tries to assign me her homework subconsciously hoping I’ll take it on after she came up with an idea. “Hey we should look at buying a farm.” “OK, let me know what you find out.” Never hear of it again. Old me would have researched it and brought it up later but it was a regular waste of time and effort.

- Knows she needs/wants something and knows what she wants in the end. How you get there is not important. Expects me to figure out the details. Example: “I want a new house.” “OK what’s your plan?” “I don’t know I just wanna talk about it.” Tells me what she wants in a house and sends me Redfin listings. Asked to her run her own set of number on affordability and costs to make purchase and sale happen. That was 6 months ago. Asked her why she was looking at houses recently. “To see the trends” “Oh yeah, what trends?” “I dunno.” Seems more like she’s chasing a feeling.

- She’s not a fan of doing/watching/trying anything that isn’t her idea. Will try some of my stuff but she’s secretly desperate for an excuse to stop or just checks out.

- Lots of impulsivity with no thought of next steps or consequences of decisions. Gets in over her head and needs to be bailed out. Tends to move goal posts around based on what she’s feeling that moment.

- Changes her mind like her underwear.
She seems to get irritated when I try to take her word. “Wait, I thought you/we were/weren’t doing that.” When she says “‘New Rule” or “from now on” or “we need to” or “I’m going to” it comes with an unannounced expiration date/time. I would say 95% of the time whatever she proposed dies quietly within days. Will be adamant about making an appointment for something and then cancel it when she decides later she doesn’t need it.

- CANNOT take any form of criticism, constructive or not. Will fight to the death to avoid looking bad. Is quick to criticize or takeover when you’re not doing as quickly or as she’d do it.

- Brain never turns off. CANNOT stand to be bored which requires those that can entertain themselves to entertain her. Leads to more impulsive behaviors.

- Little to no sexual after-care. Sixty seconds post-orgasm is already on to the next thing mentally. Two minute post orgasm she’s dressing and leaving. I usually take my time and if she finishes first, it’s a race to finish me off as she mentally moved on.

- Memory-holes a lot of stuff she’s said. Especially if it’s negative. A lot of time dilation, “didn’t we just _fill in the blank_? no, that was months ago”. A lot of “I never said that.”

- Not good with “adult” finances like most ADHD folks. By “adult” finances I mean insurance, taxes, retirement, HR benefits, investments, etc. She’s 48 and had the same understanding of these concepts as when we met. Impulsive on spending, hates saving, and could care less about retirement savings. She filed for bankruptcy before I met her. Won’t do a budget. Primary concern is her credit card works. Wants a new house but spends money elsewhere. Doesn’t want to be reminded how she spent the money elsewhere.

The biggest thing is realizing their brain works differently and not take their stuff personally (which is hard) but at the same time don’t enable their behaviors either. 

Being the non-ADHD requires more self-care compared to other kinds of relationships.

ETA - Forgot to mention has a hard time making/keeping friends. We only socialize a couple with her friends not mine. You can tell she often can’t relate to a lot of conversations as she’s not into those things. So it mostly kids, Facebook, work topics.

Also realize that ADHD looks like a lot of other issues (narcissism, intimacy avoidance, etc)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

aaarghdub said:


> Living this now. My DW diagnosed herself (she’s an clinical social worker) recently. I googled how to impacts marriages and all the issues I found in multiple articles explains most of our fights. The biggest thing is that your relationship feels like it revolves around them. And another is lack of reciprocity. Here’s what I see most:
> 
> - Lack of interest or inability to add much to conversations I initiate. This is disconnecting in that she enjoys me being involved in her conversations. I do research so as to be able to have deep intelligent conversations on her topics. This is not reciprocated.
> 
> ...


is she on meds or therapy


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i am actually quite surprised so many members here a vouching for having adhd with actual bonafide symptoms.

you all have to admit it was the original "WOKE DIAGNOSIS" of the teachers unions in the 1980's--resulting in a whole generation of doped up kids


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> This is 100% true. Some of us are just unlucky. All the therapy and talking and planning won't do anything. It has to be medicated and the medication makes it better, but it isn't 100% effective.


It doesn't necessarily have to be medicated, unless you want to count caffeine use as being medicated. For some of us, simply being aware and compensating for it is enough. And any "therapy" would need to be towards that end. Especially if the person ends up with allergies and/or bad side effect from the drugs. That's where I am. There might be some other drugs out there that I could try, but after the others, I will just deal and drink my coffee.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I knew I couldn't be the only one who went through this nonsense 😒
> 
> My daughter is now 14. When she was 6, we got a call from her teacher requesting a conference. Upon arrival it was my wife and I who were met by the teacher, counselor, and assistant principal. They said she is an intelligent student but she has been observed on numerous occasions not paying attention to the lesson, talking, and drawing. Blah blah blah
> 
> ...


If you are going to get a child tested, ALWAYS do it independent of anyone who works for the school system. Again, it is real and if a child really has it, treatment can make the difference. But I would not trust the school's certified anything.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> It doesn't necessarily have to be medicated, unless you want to count caffeine use as being medicated. For some of us, simply being aware and compensating for it is enough. And any "therapy" would need to be towards that end. Especially if the person ends up with allergies and/or bad side effect from the drugs. That's where I am. There might be some other drugs out there that I could try, but after the others, I will just deal and drink my coffee.


I agree completely. Yes, I would consider caffeine as medication. Caffeine has no affect on my brain. I could drink a 2-liter of mountain dew and go right to sleep.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i am actually quite surprised so many members here a vouching for having adhd with actual bonafide symptoms.
> 
> you all have to admit it was the original "WOKE DIAGNOSIS" of the teachers unions in the 1980's--resulting in a whole generation of doped up kids


NO denying it, just like Asperger's seems to be the current trend. But we can't fall into the trap of something valid being over diagnosed as indicating that it's not real.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

maquiscat said:


> NO denying it, just like Asperger's seems to be the current trend. But we can't fall into the trap of something valid being over diagnosed as indicating that it's not real.


We can if we like simplistic answers to complex problems. Which seems to be the norm for a lot of people.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

maquiscat said:


> If you are going to get a child tested, ALWAYS do it independent of anyone who works for the school system. Again, it is real and if a child really has it, treatment can make the difference. But I would not trust the school's certified anything.


I would be extremely hesitant to put a childs developing brain on Ritalin or any of the stimulate meds. The brain is extremely complex and a child's brain is making new connections and constantly changing. 

Stimulant meds affect serotonin, dopamine, and i cant remember the other. But these are crucial chemicals for mood, personality, and cognitive ability. I think children should just be children. I also feel many of these teachers just want to drug the child to make their job easier.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

LATERILUS79 said:


> *Normal people* have no idea the amount of desire and will power that adhd people have. The amount of energy it takes for us to pay attention to something. To not get distracted. Half of my energy (if not more) is taken just to block out the “noise”.


You are normal honey (what is normal anyway?), your brain is just wired differently. Like so many things, ADHD is a spectrum, but it certainly doesn't make people abnormal x


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Precisely EB why I am not taking coronavirus vaccination. Lol, got those shots and took the pills. Orders are orders you know.
> 
> I often wonder if my psoriasis which developed shortly thereafter was related to those things.


My aunt has psoriasis. I don't know what your treatment plan is. But she uses Aveeno products including a bath soak. She has had considerable improvements in the condition.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

thunderchad said:


> I personally think people are over diagnosed with ADHD
> 
> Remove the sugar from your diet and stop using spcial media and reduce screen time and you'll have massive improvements.


I know my attention span has gone down to just zero ever since I got a smartphone. I held out and got one real late and just kept a flip phone because I didn't want to get as involved with it as like I did with my PC when I first got a PC. But now I'm on it all the time and my eyes are really bad because of it.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> My aunt has psoriasis. I don't know what your treatment plan is. But she uses Aveeno products including a bath soak. She has had considerable improvements in the condition.


I use pumpkin seed oil capsules


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

samuelbamiteko said:


> is she on meds or therapy


No meds. Drinks coffee. She says she’ll figure out how to manage it. Honestly have not seen any change or discussion. She tried therapy for other stuff but I think she shifted to therapist mode versus being in the other chair. Much akin to a heart surgeon who had a heart attack and all the other heart surgeons are idiots so they’re the worst patient ever.

I have noticed that she is very private and avoidant about self-improvement, growth activities or accountability. Likely because she can quit when the feeling strikes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

frusdil said:


> You are normal honey (what is normal anyway?), your brain is just wired differently. Like so many things, ADHD is a spectrum, but it certainly doesn't make people abnormal x


Thank you.

you are correct.

I mis-spoke.

I said “normal” when I really mean “common” or the usual. Adhd is something like 3-5% of the population if I remember correctly. I would prefer if my brain worked like the more common type of human brain.


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> So you know this for sure, right?
> 
> 
> you have no F-ing clue. Not one.
> ...


This this this, so much this.
I was diagnosed as predominantly combined 
Which is inattentive and hyperactive
I would give up anything to be "normal"
-To actually focus and accomplish a task without having a million "sidetracks"
-To be able to have a normal conversation with my wife
-To set an item down and be able to remember where I set it down literally 30 SECONDS LATER
-To watch a movie with my wife and kids without getting up and moving around 
-To be able to sleep in, without my eyes popping open and practically jumping out of bed and flying around the house. Going on 4-5 hours of sleep everynight.
-To be able to have a calm moment.

I could go on, but of course, I'm zoning out and ....


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

dwdj75 said:


> This this this, so much this.
> I was diagnosed as predominantly combined
> Which is inattentive and hyperactive
> I would give up anything to be "normal"
> ...


are you on meds


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

dwdj75 said:


> This this this, so much this.
> I was diagnosed as predominantly combined
> Which is inattentive and hyperactive
> I would give up anything to be "normal"
> ...


I also snicker at those who claim to have adhd and it comes and goes.... This condition is 24/7

It's a cheesy example. But if you have ever seen the movie Rocky Balboa during the fight with Mason Dixin. Towards the end when he is knocked down, he starts having rapid flashbacks to various memories.... That is what an adhd mind is like. And counseling alone will not help.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i suffer from ADD as well. ADHD specifically, which apparently falls under ADD these days? anyway, it has not made things easier. i ended up carrying a lot of check lists with me in combat. i have a "smart book"(my wife calls it my brain) that is basically a bunch of laminated cards that have check lists, etc. without them, i would literally forget to change batteries in my equipment before OPS. below is a picture of a typical "status card". the biggest difference that ADHD made was that i had one for EVERYTHING. the other side of the one below has names and serial numbers as well. this one is ancient... its from my first deployment. 

i got very used to routines and job aids. without them, i would often forget stuff. on the flip side, when **** hits the fan, i usually think faster than everyone around me, which is very useful in combat.


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

samuelbamiteko said:


> are you on meds


Yes, I'm on amphetamine salt combo aka Adderall
20mg twice a day

It helps, but it's not a 100% cure

I still have issues, but it helps to focus and calms me down.

I was diagnosed as an adult, and went through the entire drug parade until I settled on the above.
In order ...
Vyvanse - to me was awful, absolutely hated it
Ritalin - calmer but no focus
Concerta - did nothing for me
Strattera - water had more effect

Now, a bit of history, as a kid up to now, I did not drink sodas. I was a water fanatic ! So the whole sugar kid did not describe me !


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Talker67 said:


> i am actually quite surprised so many members here a vouching for having adhd with actual bonafide symptoms.
> 
> you all have to admit it was the original "WOKE DIAGNOSIS" of the teachers unions in the 1980's--resulting in a whole generation of doped up kids


what are the bonafide symptoms? i have had people tell me that i suffered from ADHD for a long time before i got formally diagnosed, but i always figured that couldnt be the case because i usually excel in classes and such. but then someone pointed something out...

i will often forget things that my life literally depends on if im not careful. basically, i have a gazillion coping strategies. strategies that i rely on like they are gospel. things that my coworkers don't seem to need.

when i was diagnosed, i was basically told "yeah, you manage yourself really well., but you definitely have all the signs and symptoms". 

i also learned that there are a hell of a lot of symptoms that most people dont even think about.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

dwdj75 said:


> Yes, I'm on amphetamine salt combo aka Adderall
> 20mg twice a day
> 
> It helps, but it's not a 100% cure
> ...


lol, same here. i always stuck to unsweetened coffee, unsweetened tea, or water.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

oddly enough, i end up being trusted with inventories more than most of my coworkers, despite the fact that i easily overlook stuff, mainly because i rely so heavily on proper checklists and records. 

simply put, i do not trust myself if there is a question about whether i saw something. i can take longer, and i often find discrepancies that others missed, but it is because i dont trust my memory.


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

As'laDain said:


> i suffer from ADD as well. ADHD specifically, which apparently falls under ADD these days? anyway, it has not made things easier. i ended up carrying a lot of check lists with me in combat. i have a "smart book"(my wife calls it my brain) that is basically a bunch of laminated cards that have check lists, etc. without them, i would literally forget to change batteries in my equipment before OPS. below is a picture of a typical "status card". the biggest difference that ADHD made was that i had one for EVERYTHING. the other side of the one below has names and serial numbers as well. this one is ancient... its from my first deployment.
> 
> i got very used to routines and job aids. without them, i would often forget stuff. on the flip side, when **** hits the fan, i usually think faster than everyone around me, which is very useful in combat.
> 
> View attachment 83285


My phone has 7 daily alarms, including this one ...
My wife's an RN nurse !


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

dwdj75 said:


> View attachment 83286
> 
> 
> My phone has 7 daily alarms, including this one ...
> My wife's an RN nurse !


Lol, I can't show all of them in one screen shot, but...


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Those are just to wake up. Unfortunately, I also suffer from sleep paralysis a LOT, and having multiple alarms means I can go back to sleep and wake up on the next one. 

During sleep paralysis, there is not much else I can do.


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

Another example I believe it's real and and is caused by brain chemistry :
You know who did meth as an adolescent (my teenage drug years) and fell asleep two hours later ?
This guy !
I fell asleep after taking a drug nicknamed speed.
It was with a group of friends, who all tweaked but me.
Also, cocaine did nothing for me but made my fingers and toes numb.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

dwdj75 said:


> Another example I believe it's real and and is caused by brain chemistry :
> You know who did meth as an adolescent (my teenage drug years) and fell asleep two hours later ?
> This guy !
> I fell asleep after taking a drug nicknamed speed.
> ...


a couple years ago, i responded to an attack on Camp Simba, in Kenya. on the way there, i was given ambien for the trip. lol, i took three of them and was wired for sound. i ended up learning another language well enough to get around during a follow-on mission. 

honestly, i felt like i could learn anything while on ambien. it was nuts!


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

As'laDain said:


> a couple years ago, i responded to an attack on Camp Simba, in Kenya. on the way there, i was given ambien for the trip. lol, i took three of them and was wired for sound. i ended up learning another language well enough to get around during a follow-on mission.
> 
> honestly, i felt like i could learn anything while on ambien. it was nuts!


Never took ambien, interesting !


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

A better me !


So here I am, I’ve been working on this post for like two weeks lol I posted a few details in my newbie thread here . So, before digging into my marriage, let me give a bit of my back story and issues as mentioned in the previous thread: ADHD I was always a "fidgety" kid, I could not sit...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





Here's my story that I started over a year ago.

I've been meaning to finish but, well, ya know ...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LATERILUS79 said:


> So you know this for sure, right?
> 
> 
> you have no F-ing clue. Not one.
> ...


I *like* my ADHD. All those thoughts racing through my mind. Ideas! Stories and articles to write! I love it! 👍 

Though I do offer my sympathy for people with a different, less helpful, flavour of ADHD.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> I *like* my ADHD. All those thoughts racing through my mind. Ideas! Stories and articles to write! I love it! 👍
> 
> Though I do offer my sympathy for people with a different, less helpful, flavour of ADHD.


I can’t disagree with you, Matt. There is a unique “flavor” that comes with it, that is for sure. It really is only a matter of time before one makes up a fun, hilarious story or comes up with a brilliant idea to solve a problem. Sorta like a blind squirrel eventually finds an acorn. When the brain never shuts off, eventually something pretty cool comes across the screen inside your mind. 😂

the issue for me has always been focusing on what I had to do. I have a family to take care of. I need to focus on my work. Focusing on something that I am not 100% (and you know what I mean by 100%) into us extremely difficult to do. Everyone has bad days at work. Everyone has to do things they don’t want to do. Adhd people have to work 10 times harder on things they don’t want to do or are not super interested in.


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

dwdj75 said:


> Yes, I'm on amphetamine salt combo aka Adderall
> 20mg twice a day
> 
> It helps, but it's not a 100% cure
> ...


HAVE YOU TRIED ADHD COACHING


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## dwdj75 (Sep 30, 2020)

samuelbamiteko said:


> HAVE YOU TRIED ADHD COACHING


Well, when I was first diagnosed, about 10 years ago, my insurance did not (and still doesn't) cover mental health. So, no, I didn't pursue any options other than what my family physician prescribed. 

It wasn't until the last few years, when my wife finished school and became an RN, that i was able to use her insurance that did cover mental health. I was then able to go to an IC.

Honestly I've never heard of an ADHD coach.

So I will check if there are any in my area !


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

dwdj75 said:


> Well, when I was first diagnosed, about 10 years ago, my insurance did not (and still doesn't) cover mental health. So, no, I didn't pursue any options other than what my family physician prescribed.
> 
> It wasn't until the last few years, when my wife finished school and became an RN, that i was able to use her insurance that did cover mental health. I was then able to go to an IC.
> 
> ...


I’ve honestly never done anything like this myself. I was diagnosed when I was 21. Been on meds ever since. I finally hit my breaking point in college (engineering) where I could no longer get by without working extremely hard in my studies.

as anyone with adhd knows, we would rather have a hot knife jabbed into our thigh as opposed to sitting and studying for an hour. Doesn’t matter if we are interested in the subject matter or not (or at least, that is what it feels like to me). Medication cleared that fog and I could focus on my studies.

I’m 42 now. Meds still work…. But not as well as what they used to. I’ll be finding an IC probably soon that specializes in adhd and try to put together better coping techniques. Problem is for me that there is also a very good chance I also have narcolepsy (adhd and narcolepsy happen in tandem in many cases). I’ve been too busy with my work as of late and haven’t had time to set up a 2-3 day sleep study during the week. Hoping to get that done sometime in late spring. Also hoping to have an IC by then as well so I can get after both of these issues and get my brain back on track working in a semi-normal way.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I also snicker at those who claim to have adhd and it comes and goes.... This condition is 24/7
> 
> It's a cheesy example. But if you have ever seen the movie Rocky Balboa during the fight with Mason Dixin. Towards the end when he is knocked down, he starts having rapid flashbacks to various memories.... That is what an adhd mind is like. And counseling alone will not help.


I agree, but what does come and go is your control and effort in your dealing with it, even when on medication. So I have to wonder if some of those people are just simplifying the explanation for the non-ADD people.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

As'laDain said:


> basically, i have a gazillion coping strategies. strategies that i rely on like they are gospel. things that my coworkers don't seem to need.
> 
> when i was diagnosed, i was basically told "yeah, you manage yourself really well., but you definitely have all the signs and symptoms".


This is one of the reasons why Hyperactivity was considered to have been outgrown in adolescence. People like us would develop comping strategies and then fly under the radar. I spent 10 years in the US nuclear Navy before I was diagnosed. I had a record that was so thick because of all the minor mess ups that I did.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> as anyone with adhd knows, we would rather have a hot knife jabbed into our thigh as opposed to sitting and studying for an hour. Doesn’t matter if we are interested in the subject matter or not (or at least, that is what it feels like to me). Medication cleared that fog and I could focus on my studies.


I found that if I sat down to study for an hour, I couldn't get through it. BUT if I happen to grab the book and something caught my attention, as long as I didn't have something to drag me away, I could end up spending a couple of hours going over the material.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

My ex had (has) raging ADHD. Just sitting his knee would bounce up and down. I over compensated for him because of it. Which enabled him to develop bad habits. He took medication and it never helped. Then I stopped being able to tell the difference between narcissism and arrogance vs the ADHD. Now we're splitting and I am so relieved.

Many spouses use their ADHD as a get out of jail free card. It's not. Just as ultimately an adult has to manage their own diabetes, as an example, so an ADHD person must manage their illness. Also the ADHD partner needs to be aware of how accomodating their spouse is and show appreciation for it rather than expecting accomodation as par for the course.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

Erudite said:


> Many spouses use their ADHD as a get out of jail free card. It's not. Just as ultimately an adult has to manage their own diabetes, as an example, so an ADHD person must manage their illness. Also the ADHD partner needs to be aware of how accomodating their spouse is and show appreciation for it rather than expecting accomodation as par for the course.


100% agree with this. My wife makes it a joke. “Ha ha I have ADHD” “Ha ha I’m so OCD.” At some point in any serious relationship, untreated, it’s not funny anymore. After googling “ADHD effect on relationships” I was shocked that most of the things we were fighting about were all things the non-ADHD panthers experiences: 1) Like one-sided interest; 2) has to figure out complicated projects “as she goes along” then gives up; 3) If it’s not her idea (anything from going out to eat to sex) she’s not in the right place mentally; 4) You can’t take them at their word because it changes with their feelings; 5) complete lack of interest in saving or retirement… enjoying it now!

I think I’ve personally been somewhat codependent and have stopped. At some point it’s not your job. My wife is emphatic about getting a new house to get space and “grow our family.” I think she impulsively buys too much stuff and is why we’re cramped. To me you don’t “grow a family” with a new house. For the all the times she been “clear” about her dreams, she’s done little in terms of making it happen. I almost hear “this is my dream but you’re better at it than me so can you do it for me?” That’s where I drew the line and realized enabling here aversion to complicated projects. 

The non-ADHD partner requires way more self-care compared to a relationship where no one has it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

aaarghdub said:


> 100% agree with this. My wife makes it a joke. “Ha ha I have ADHD” “Ha ha I’m so OCD.” At some point in any serious relationship, untreated, it’s not funny anymore. After googling “ADHD effect on relationships” I was shocked that most of the things we were fighting about were all things the non-ADHD panthers experiences: 1) Like one-sided interest; 2) has to figure out complicated projects “as she goes along” then gives up; 3) If it’s not her idea (anything from going out to eat to sex) she’s not in the right place mentally; 4) You can’t take them at their word because it changes with their feelings; 5) complete lack of interest in saving or retirement… enjoying it now!
> 
> I think I’ve personally been somewhat codependent and have stopped. At some point it’s not your job. My wife is emphatic about getting a new house to get space and “grow our family.” I think she impulsively buys too much stuff and is why we’re cramped. To me you don’t “grow a family” with a new house. For the all the times she been “clear” about her dreams, she’s done little in terms of making it happen. I almost hear “this is my dream but you’re better at it than me so can you do it for me?” That’s where I drew the line and realized enabling here aversion to complicated projects.
> 
> ...


So much this. If I had a nickle for everytime he had a plan that he wanted me to do for him or heard him say "you are better at it than me". The impulsivity, too. When he hyperfocused on me it was wonderful but jt could not be maintained.


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## oldssoul (11 mo ago)

There was an awesome commercial maybe 10 years ago. You're watching it and every 5 seconds the channel flips. After about 30 seconds someone walks on superimposed explaining what ADHD is like. Behind them the channel keeps flipping, every 5 seconds. At the end the screen goes black. White text, that's what it's like with ADHD, and a help number.

THAT exact moment is when my wife finally understood. Multiple projects running at the same time. Multiple books at various stages of being red. A grocery list so I'd remember the eggs but I can hit all the Jeopardy questions from trivia I knew 4 years ago...Welcome to the circus.

It is real. It can be your superpower if you can channel the energy. It will be your curse if you don't learn to recognize the drift. Some medicate it. Some diet it. Some fight it and some accept it.

As to my marriage, who I am never changed. ADHD is a part of me and she accepts that.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Erudite said:


> So much this. If I had a nickle for everytime he had a plan that he wanted me to do for him or heard him say "you are better at it than me". The impulsivity, too. When he hyperfocused on me it was wonderful but jt could not be maintained.


I know that I can fall into this trap if I am not careful. So I make sure that I am doing things to compensate for anything that she "can do better than me". An ADD person can end up not doing anything towards household needs.


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## samuelbamiteko (11 mo ago)

Erudite said:


> My ex had (has) raging ADHD. Just sitting his knee would bounce up and down. I over compensated for him because of it. Which enabled him to develop bad habits. He took medication and it never helped. Then I stopped being able to tell the difference between narcissism and arrogance vs the ADHD. Now we're splitting and I am so relieved.
> 
> Many spouses use their ADHD as a get out of jail free card. It's not. Just as ultimately an adult has to manage their own diabetes, as an example, so an ADHD person must manage their illness. Also the ADHD partner needs to be aware of how accomodating their spouse is and show appreciation for it rather than expecting accomodation as par for the course.


what do you mean an adhd partner should show appreciation for accommodating to their spouse like what do you mean thanking them for doing more housework because they will always do that because their neurotypical. I don't think their partner should show appreciation for them being neurotypical


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