# Any experiences of ADD?



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Attention deficit disorder (without hyperactivity).

A very stressful weekend with my parents. My dad is almost blind with macular disease. My mum is his 'carer' and they are fairly stubborn about getting help or asking for help from me (I am very willing to do anything for them because they are good people). 

I took them shopping on Sunday and it occurred to me (and I have had this thought before) that my mum is possibly the worst carer in the world. She literally forgets to do the most basic things like help him cross the road (she will just start crossing and leave him on the pavement). When they go shopping (he cannot see anything in a dimly lit store - he needs light) she will often wander off and leave him - gets distracted by something and not remember where she has left him. She will also forget to get his medication, or disappear when he has a medical appointment. This is just how she is and has always been (not an age thing).

So my husband suggested that it she may have ADD. When I researched it, it describes her to a t. So it got me thinking of my childhood and it explains a lot.

She was always leaving important things in places; her purse, handbag, envelopes of cash.
She would go to work and forget to leave a key for us to get into the house when we got home from school.
She often leaves the keys on the outside of the door (she still does this)
Food was usually burned because she would start making a meal then forget about it (wander off the the shops and leave a frying pan unattended)
She could never remember that we needed PE kits, swimming kits, school uniforms
She never knew term dates so we often turned up to school when it was closed or didn't go when we should have been there
We were late for everything
The house was always a mess, but she would spend a whole day making beautiful cushions
She would forget to pick me up from school
I have several memories of her forgetting my birthday
At Christmas she would buy an enormous amount of food, like we were feeding the entire street, but then get distracted by a TV program and not cook the food. Turkey etc would go in the bin.
She would buy us lots and lots of Christmas presents but forget to put names on the paper, so we all ended up unwrapping each other's presents
It wasn't unusual for her to walk the dog and come back without her
I remember getting lost quite a lot and by the time a stranger located her she wouldn't have noticed I was missing
She would make appointments for us but never go (dentist etc)
Lots of half finished projects, rooms half decorated etc
She loses things that are quite important (like a neighbours house keys, prescriptions)
She doesn't learn from mistakes (she had some things stolen from the garage which really upset her but she still leaves the garage door slightly open, then gets upset again when things go missing)
Terrible with money. She will buy the best bone china tea service but have no money to pay the electricity bill - impulsive?
She never puts the phone back properly even though we tell her over and over that we worry when we can't get in touch 
Leaves the iron on - ALMOST EVERY SINGLE TIME
She day dreams to the point of dissociation. I have to wave my hand in front of her glazed over eyes to get her attention
She cannot remember people's names. It took her years to remember my daughter's name correctly. She kept calling her something similar even though we were constantly correcting her.

Does this make sense to anyone with experience of ADD?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I've always thought my StepMom has ADD. However, she does have a lot of energy yet it's unfocused energy. I don’t know what she does with her time. 

It’s pretty scary, though, that your mom is the care giver yet she’s not good at taking care of things or people.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Truth be told, I honestly think that I had ADD long before anyone ever came to the forefront defining it as an official malady!

The Arb that speaks to you now was never quite as eloquent in word and often daydreamed in his formative school years all through high school. It took an intelligent college professor and the Dean of Men at my undergraduate institution to sit down with me to tell me exactly what ADD was! And to formulate a plan!

Until then, I like others was yelled at and screamed at in school and at home, all out of sheer ignorance of the syndrome! 

Well I not only survived, but like the blooming magnolia, I gradually opened up and unending thanks to the Heavenly Father for the man that He has allowed me to become!

Thank God for small miracles in that ADD is not an incurable malady! Love, faith, and perseverence trumps all of its shortcomings!*


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I have two adult sons both of whom were diagnosed as children. The younger one was definitely ADHD. The older one was diagnosed as ADD but I don't think he ever had it. What you describe certainly COULD be ADD, but it could also be many other things. What do you hope to gain by labeling your mom? Do you think that would help her get some kind of help?

You also should be concerned with some of the things she's doing. Leaving the iron on?? She's liable to burn the house down! Do they live by themselves?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> I have two adult sons both of whom were diagnosed as children. The younger one was definitely ADHD. The older one was diagnosed as ADD but I don't think he ever had it. What you describe certainly COULD be ADD, but it could also be many other things. What do you hope to gain by labeling your mom? Do you think that would help her get some kind of help?
> 
> You also should be concerned with some of the things she's doing. Leaving the iron on?? She's liable to burn the house down! Do they live by themselves?


They do live by themselves but only a few streets away from me. 

I'm not sure what I hope to gain. One thing it did do was help me make sense of some of the weirdness and dysfunction of my childhood from a compassionate point of view. I think reading about it has also given me new insight as to potential problems as she is assigned 'carer' and made me more mindful of what could go wrong.

It is also made me realise that they need more outside help than they are currently willing to accept and I may need to get together with siblings. I have a son who is ASD, and just understanding his disorder helps us to help him. If that makes sense....

Yes the iron terrifies me.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

peacem said:


> Yes the iron terrifies me.


Buy her a new iron that has the auto shut off. Just swap it out & trash the old one.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@Tropicalbeachwish - fantastic suggestion, I didn't know they existed, mine is very old.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

peacem said:


> I'm not sure what I hope to gain. One thing it did do was help me make sense of some of the weirdness and dysfunction of my childhood from a compassionate point of view. I think reading about it has also given me new insight as to potential problems as she is assigned 'carer' and made me more mindful of what could go wrong.
> 
> It is also made me realise that* they need more outside help than they are currently willing to accept* and I may need to get together with siblings. I have a son who is ASD, and just understanding his disorder helps us to help him. If that makes sense.....


Makes perfect sense. Once my younger son had a diagnosis, it totally changed my perspective and the whole way I dealt with him.

What are you going to do about getting them more help? What CAN you do?

I also had no clue they had irons with auto shut off


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> Makes perfect sense. Once my younger son had a diagnosis, it totally changed my perspective and the whole way I dealt with him.
> 
> What are you going to do about getting them more help? What CAN you do?
> 
> I also had no clue they had irons with auto shut off


My sister lives in another city and my brother is next to useless. But I have sent sister some links to ask her opinion. 

Its a bit difficult because she is actually physically very fit, she runs a keep fit club, and prides herself on NOT being old (75). She stubbornly refuses help but I think I could spend more time popping in and making myself available for hospital appointments. I could also take charge of the prescriptions - easy. I think she shouldn't be out and about with him alone.

He has a blind friend who has a guide dog. He is safer with him than he is with my mother because he has been blind most of his life and learned good skills for getting around safely. 

I could talk to my dad as he is more sensible/flexible about getting help and I know he gets frustrated with her when she wanders off and leaves him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

peacem said:


> My sister lives in another city and my brother is next to useless. But I have sent sister some links to ask her opinion.
> 
> Its a bit difficult because she is actually physically very fit, she runs a keep fit club, and prides herself on NOT being old (75). She stubbornly refuses help but I think I could spend more time popping in and making myself available for hospital appointments. I could also take charge of the prescriptions - easy. I think she shouldn't be out and about with him alone.
> 
> ...


Good for your mom! She sounds like quite the woman  I think you have some great ideas there. Maybe you could approach your mom with offers to 'make her life easier' or 'spend more time concentrating on her business' or something. Can your dad get a guide dog?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

This can be due to old age, dementia or Alzheimer's. I went through this with my Mother who is now in a nursing home and does not know who I am anymore. She has Alzheimer's but is happy. I have ADHD and that does not just happen. Usually you have it from childhood and not something you develop in later years. I would take your mom to the doctor and they can do tests to determine if she has early stage Alzheimer's or just old age. I am 66 and I forget a lot of things. My wife has to write down what we are eating for dinner so that I do not ask her several times a day. I could not tell you what she is wearing even though I just kissed her good night. I do not remember what we ate yesterday. We have to write down all of our appointments and keep an eye on them for each other. My wife will not drive with me anymore because my mind wanders and I have already smashed the car into the garage and turned into traffic lanes that had cars in them. I was just tested by my doctor two months ago. Did OK but not great.

My doctor explained it like this; if you forget where you parked your car, that is due to old age. If you forget that you own a car, that is Alzheimer's. I live in a very large retirement community and it is not uncommon for a widow or widower to report their car stolen from their garage. They don't remember what kind of car, only that it is gone. They are not stolen, they just forgot that they sold them years ago.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I have ADHD. Managed to get thru a BA psychology in Europe in the late 70s without hearing the term. ADHD or ADD kids were simply bad or lazy students.

In America ADHD or ADD is the topic of the day. I was evaluated by the clinical faculty in grad school and found to have ADHD. Duh. And to think I figured out that superb planning and meticulous list creating and tracking were the answer to success 😎.

I've also learned to apply CBT techniques to deal with ADHD. Quite successfully​ as a matter of fact.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Mr HB has ADD and takes medication that helps him with focus. We have a friend that also has ADD as an adult and sadly he left his dog in the car because he forgot him and the poor thing died  medication can help.

I agree with Vinnydee that a doctor. Is it is in order. My mother also suffers from Alzheimer's and struggled for many years prior to being diagnosed.




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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

peacem said:


> @Tropicalbeachwish - fantastic suggestion, I didn't know they existed, mine is very old.


Here's one. 


https://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER...83808&sr=8-5&keywords=iron+with+auto+shut+off


I started using one when I had kids using the iron. They shut themselves off if they sit still for a few minutes. Just move it and it turns back on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When it comes to things like her forgetting to give him meds… There are medication alarm clocks, dispensers and timers. You might even be able to set these, fill them and let your dad manage his own medications.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&field-keywords=medication+alarm

I use an persecution timer/alarm on my cell phone. It alerts when it’s time to any medications. I put my vitamins in that too. I fill a medication case once a week. Never take meds and vitamins directly from a bottle. Instead I only taken them from the day/time marked case when the cell phone prescription alarm goes off. That way I never forget and never accidently taken a medication twice.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_...ds=medication+case&rh=i:aps,k:medication+case

You might be able to find easy solutions like this and the iron that sort of are ‘mom’ proof. Automate things so that she cannot really mess it up.

Now just to find a way to have her not walk off and forget your dad. That one is harder.


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

I'm 32 and I have ADD. During elementary and highschool it was a big issue unless I was in a class where I could work with my hands. After highschool things were way better and i actually like having it... most of the time. I am still very forgetful, it's often difficult to go to sleep or stay on task at my desk job unless I'm interested in what I'm doing, if there's a lot of noise happening I can feel overwhelmed, and after work I have to take a long period of being by myself to decompress. Smoking weed has helped quite a bit with focus and attention. I had a medical marijuana card a few years ago when I was living in San Diego. I started doing online college classes. While I was able to smoke weed I was getting straight As. A year later I moved to Virginia and i was still taking online classes bit I couldn't "legally" smoke weed anymore and my GPA has plummeted. Still passing but not with honors as I was hoping for and on track for before I moved. 

Now that I'm getting older I have noticed that my coping mechanisms that I developed to deal with my ADD aren't working so as well and I'm considering going on medication. Until weed is legal at least. I do worry about how I will function as I get older thought. If your mom doesn't have any age related issue it seems like she my have ADD. I would definitely try and get her into a doctor and behavioural therapist. It sounds like whatever is going on with you mom may be teetering on dangerous for either your mom or your dad.

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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

john117 said:


> I have ADHD. Managed to get thru a BA psychology in Europe in the late 70s without hearing the term. ADHD or ADD kids were simply bad or lazy students.
> 
> In America ADHD or ADD is the topic of the day. I was evaluated by the clinical faculty in grad school and found to have ADHD. Duh. And to think I figured out that superb planning and meticulous list creating and tracking were the answer to success 😎.
> 
> I've also learned to apply CBT techniques to deal with ADHD. Quite successfully​ as a matter of fact.


Lol I'm not sure you really have ADHD if opening and lists work for you. I plan all day and make lists but forget where I put the list and then get distracted while I am looking for the list then forget I was looking for the list. Next thing you know I'm building a bird house when I'm supposed to be at a friend's wedding 

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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

*... If planning and lists work for you.

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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I've forced them to work for me. My smartphone is my second brain. Much of it is also CBT.

Have you tried medications?


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Vinnydee said:


> This can be due to old age, dementia or Alzheimer's. I went through this with my Mother who is now in a nursing home and does not know who I am anymore. She has Alzheimer's but is happy. I have ADHD and that does not just happen. *Usually you have it from childhood and not something you develop in later years.* I would take your mom to the doctor and they can do tests to determine if she has early stage Alzheimer's or just old age. I am 66 and I forget a lot of things. My wife has to write down what we are eating for dinner so that I do not ask her several times a day. I could not tell you what she is wearing even though I just kissed her good night. I do not remember what we ate yesterday. We have to write down all of our appointments and keep an eye on them for each other. My wife will not drive with me anymore because my mind wanders and I have already smashed the car into the garage and turned into traffic lanes that had cars in them. I was just tested by my doctor two months ago. Did OK but not great.
> 
> My doctor explained it like this; if you forget where you parked your car, that is due to old age. If you forget that you own a car, that is Alzheimer's. I live in a very large retirement community and it is not uncommon for a widow or widower to report their car stolen from their garage. They don't remember what kind of car, only that it is gone. They are not stolen, they just forgot that they sold them years ago.


I'm not a psychiatrist but I do have ADD. For a diagnosis of ADD the effects must have been seen in childhood, it does not develop in later years.

I realized I had it when my D was diagnosed about age 6 or 7. It suddenly occurred to me that all the symptoms we were discussing were me. Every single one of my school reports read "could do much better if he would just put his mind to it".



xxxSHxYZxxx said:


> Lol I'm not sure you really have ADHD if opening and lists work for you. I plan all day and make lists but forget where I put the list and then get distracted while I am looking for the list then forget I was looking for the list. *Next thing you know I'm building a bird house when I'm supposed to be at a friend's wedding*
> 
> Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


And with that quote you not only won the internet for the day but qualified yourself to be an expert opinion on ADD. :grin2:


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