# Finished



## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Well, WS has still been in contact with OW, despite the NC agreement. Today I told him that he could choose to end it with her completely, or he could leave. He said that he would leave. We were at his auto shop when this was discussed. 

So I went home and packed a bag for him. He texted me and told me it was time for me to leave. I ignored the text. He came home and said that he would call the police to remove me from the house. 

I laughed and told him to try---we rent the house and both are responsible for the lease. 

He called me a f*ing crazy itch, told me that I deserved to hurt, that I have never given him care and love, and that he doesn't mind losing me. 

I am 7 months pregnant. No job. My share of our savings is $7000. I have poor credit, but not the worst. Can I get an apartment with no job? Public assistance is applied for, but housing is not a possibility. 

Does anyone know of any resources or organizations that might offer help? Once the baby is 6 weeks, I can find a job teaching or subbing. I just feel like my hands are tied with as pregnant as I am. But I am not staying in this situation.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

Betrayedred said:


> Well, WS has still been in contact with OW, despite the NC agreement. Today I told him that he could choose to end it with her completely, or he could leave. He said that he would leave. We were at his auto shop when this was discussed.
> 
> So I went home and packed a bag for him. He texted me and told me it was time for me to leave. I ignored the text. He came home and said that he would call the police to remove me from the house.
> 
> ...


I wish I had more advice for you, but just wanted to tell you you are doing the right thing. What a poor excuse for a man. Please take care of yourself and that baby... And don't take him back when he comes knocking!


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## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

I'm so sorry you've been thrown into this mess Betrayed.

I'm a Brit living in the US, so I'm not really up on all the services available over here, but if I were you I'd go to see your local Health and Human Services. This really is an emergency ... you're incredibly vulnerable, being 7 months pregnant and abandoned by your husband. I'm sure they will recognize this, and point you in the right direction. 

Then of course a lawyer!

Really? He demanded that his pregnant wife leave the house? Honestly, the audacity of these adulterers is truly breathtaking.

ETA: And ask absolutely everyone who will listen for help. This is no time to be isolated. You will be surprised how many people will be only too pleased to help ... kindness is everywhere. You just have to ask.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Betrayedred said:


> Well, WS has still been in contact with OW, despite the NC agreement. Today I told him that he could choose to end it with her completely, or he could leave. He said that he would leave. We were at his auto shop when this was discussed.
> 
> So I went home and packed a bag for him. He texted me and told me it was time for me to leave. I ignored the text. He came home and said that he would call the police to remove me from the house.
> 
> ...


Let him call the cops they won't make a pregnant wife leave ....he will be leaving if both your names are on the lease.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Your husband is scum.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

You need a good attorney pronto. If I practiced family law in your town I'd grind his azz to powder. Does he own the auto shop or work there? In any case you won't have to leave. It sounds like he made threats ( He called me a f*ing crazy itch, told me that I deserved to hurt). I know of a good resource to support you and the kid--him. Don't jack around getting an attorney and a warrant if necessary.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Ohhhh, 
Betrayred .... ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Like my STBXH, your H is a shyster and a TOTAL [email protected]@LE issed:

I have a guestroom which I would offer to you and your kids in a heartbeat ... If only I'm not 9,000-odd miles away from you 

You are a brave lady. I think you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I really, really hope someone here on CWI who knows the working of the social services in your area come across this thread pronto.

How are your little ones doing ??


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need a lawyer, and the lawyer needs to go after him for financial support for you and the baby, that means for instance full medical insurance for pre and post natal care.

You mention his shop. Is it his? As in the he owns it? You my be able to get a lien on it.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP.


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Thanks for all the input so far. 

His shop is a business that is just getting started. He rents the space. Nothing there. 

I am going to stand firm that I will stay in the house. Legally, neither of us can make the other leave. But I can take away his cake. 

The way I see it, my job is that of household manager, chef, taxi, and nanny. He is making a big distinction between his kids and mine right now (we are a blended family). So, I won't quit my job, just as he can't quit his. But I am going to get paid for my job now. I have always spent the most time with our kids--- he works on the weekends that we have all of them, so i am a single parent, for all intents and purposes. 

So, my primary job is to take care of, love, and nurture our kids. Not him. The kids will get clean clothing and nutritious meals, as well as enriching activities. He will have stanky underwear unless he chooses to wash them. He will be hungry unless he makes his own meals. And for his enriching activities, well, he has a 21 year old girlfriend. I am sure they can enrich each other in some way. 

In Ohio, I can file a legal separation, which doesn't do a whole lot, except to put things in writing. The legal separation can include finances, vehicles, insurance, temporary child support, division of personal properties, etc. I already had an appointment with my attorney on a child support matter from my kids' dad--- I guess I can as for a longer appointment and get the legal separation paperwork done.

I can't sleep. I am having contractions. I despise the man, who only six weeks ago, was my partner in life. I was moving some things upstairs and he came in and griped "can't you do that when I am not trying to sleep?" My mature response: "Do you think you can not f*** your girlfriend while I am trying to grow your baby?" 

The kids, fortunately, are with their other parents until Tuesday morning. By then, I should have the house in a semblance of order, and have my game face. I had so much hope, just two days ago. Now, I am almost glad the hope is gone. Now I can put my head down and press forward, instead of walking in place with a vacant smile on my face.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

If you lived in the UK, I could give you tons of advice on housing and assistantce, but i don't know anything about what it's like over there.

What a total bar steward!!


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

> He called me a f*ing crazy itch, told me that I deserved to hurt,


Why, why, why have you not had him kicked out??

The above statement alone from him, is enough for the police to boot him out. He has threatened you! Tell them you are in fear of your life after he yelled at you. You already had a previous restraining order issued against him. They won't hesitate!

Make him leave, if you don't you are condoning threatening behaviour.


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

He meant I deserved to hurt emotionally. 

This morning he texted me on his way to work and started telling me that people asking if I was in physical danger was all my fault. I told him not to contact me because this marriage was over. 

He asked when I was leaving. I told him after the baby was born, and that until then we were room mates. He told me that wasn't happening, and I replied that I wasn't moving at 7 months pregnant. I told him I was done talking. 

He texted back and said that I could get my stuff later and that he didn't want my chaos around his kids. I won't respond. I'm done talking. 

But, oh it hurts. I can't breathe. I can't talk. I can only cry and sob now that I am alone in my house. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe I am a terrible wife. This is my second failed marriage. I am so strong when others are around, but when I am alone, I just lose it.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. He's being a total [email protected] - at least he is showing his true colours, although I know it doesn't make it any easier for you. But in the future it will make it easier for you to look back with absolutely no regrets, and his vileness will help you get over the pain more quickly.

Practically - as you rent, have you talked to your landlord?

Not sure what the law is, but here in the UK, if you are jointly liable for the tenancy, it only requires one person to give a month's notice to end the tenancy, once the fixed term has expired. Then you can start a new tenancy in your name only, if they'd be willing to rent to you alone, and if you can afford it.

But it might be different over there. I would seek legal advice immediately.


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Our landlord is one of his best friends. 

I have an appointment at 1:30 with a lawyer. 

I think I'm in labor. ANd I just don't care.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Betrayedred said:


> Our landlord is one of his best friends.
> 
> I have an appointment at 1:30 with a lawyer.
> 
> I think I'm in labor. ANd I just don't care.


Oh God - please take care of yourself and your baby. if you go into labour, is there anyone who can look after your children for you?


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Yes. I am timing my contractions right now and drinking water. Though I say I don't care---I do. I know that I am exhausted and dehydrated and stressed. So I will take care of myself and my baby. 

I'm going to go lay on the couch, watch funny tv, and try to turn my mind off for a while. Maybe catch a few hours of sleep before I have to go to my attorney's appointment.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your not a terrible wife. You just picked two wrong men. I'm very sorry for what's happening. Your stbxh is an absolute selfish jerk who doesn't care about anyone, but himself. He can't make you leave, but you already know that.

Good luck, I do wish you the best. Be sure to take care of you and the baby. Don't let this stress cause you to go into labor. If you think you are in labor, go to the ER ASAP! 7 months is too early to have this baby.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

First, I am sorry you are here. Second, watch what you say or text, to anyone. You are under duress and keeping your mouth in check will be difficult, but please watch what you say. Don't say anything about leaving. You don't know what you will be doing. Separate the money. You can't trust him and if you take half of the money you should be OK legally. Do this ASAP as he will be getting advice and could take any money you have. If he cleans out your account you are left with nothing and it could take a while to get any money from him so I would go to the bank take out half and open up another account in your name. 

1. Get tested for STD's.
2. Separate finances.
3. Get a list of all accounts. Get the addresses, account numbers, what is owed (credit cards, etc), what assets you have and any joint property. Do not leave any of this to chance. It is difficult to breathe so force yourself to get this information.
4. Get a VAR and carry it with you and inform him that you have it on you. Typically from a legal standpoint if the other person knows they are being recorded and I would inform him when ever he is around, that it is legal to record. Again, I would watch what you say.
5. I would not leave. Normally one can't force the other one out as long as you are married. It stinks but that is the way the law typically goes. It also will save some money and though it stinks again, saving money at this time is important. Some will tell you to make his life miserable so he leaves. I wouldn't. It is not worth the added energy. Unless the attorney tells you otherwise I would not leave.
6. Also keep in mind that things can turn so try to take things slow as far as any decision.
7. Get some help if you are in labor. Don't put yourself at risk.


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Not in labor, possible UTI. Ugh.

Saw an attorney today. I am fine. I am ok. I am safe. Neither of us can force the other to move, but I can file for a legal separation and ask that he leave the residence due to emotional, mental, and physical health of myself and my unborn child. I will be dropping off the paperwork tomorrow. 

Finances are already separated. 

Asked for a STD test at the dr today. 

We have no debt, no credit cards, no car loans. 

The attorney said that I can drop off the paperwork and it can be processed and then sit at case management until/if I decide to file. So I can move at my pace. 

He is having a a come to Jesus meeting tonight, whether he knows it or not, with our pastor and the elders. They will be letting him know that if things don't change tomorrow, they are recommending and supporting me in filing for a separation. 

Off to band practice. I need to zone out. 

Oh, and my attorney is due five days after I am---she is fighting mad, lol!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Betrayedred said:


> Oh, and my attorney is due five days after I am---she is fighting mad, lol!


Priceless!!
:smthumbup:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Here are some links that might be of help to you
Ohio Women, Inc. » Improving the lives of Women and Girls in Ohio
Ohio Women, Inc. » Improving the lives of Women and Girls in Ohio
Ohio Newcomers Clubs, Moms and Dads Organizations, Womens Clubs Directory

Good luck!:smthumbup:


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Betrayedred said:


> Maybe I am a terrible wife. This is my second failed marriage. I am so strong when others are around, but when I am alone, I just lose it.


Seriously disgusting excuse for a little boy you married. 

I don't think anyone can do anything to be treated so badly. Your baby certainly didn't do anything that your H should want it homeless. Clearly your problem is in choosing a mate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betrayedred said:


> He meant I deserved to hurt emotionally.
> 
> This morning he texted me on his way to work and started telling me that people asking if I was in physical danger was all my fault. I told him not to contact me because this marriage was over.
> 
> ...


You are a very good wife. You just drew too jokers one after the other.


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You are a very good wife. You just drew too jokers one after the other.


Thanks, y'all! I know deep down, that I am amazing, lol! And my problem was in assuming that because the second one looked so different from the first one, that they were different!:-/ Oh, and I didn't give myself time to heal from the damage of the first marriage. Darn impulsivity! 😋

I am killing time right now. He is being confronted by the elders of our church, because in his communication (which today included splitting our money and forcing me out, and telling me I was playing a dangerous game, telling me he didn't want me around his kids, asking me to pick up his kids, asking me if I have left him, and telling me how destroyed he was inside) he is going through a cycle that is now dangerous for our unborn child. His game of push away, pull me back, is insane! And I have allowed too much of it to go on put of fear and compassion. So I only responded with yes to picking up my stepson and no to splitting the money. I didn't feed his need for reassurance, and stayed dark. 

Now I just hope I will be ok to sleep at home tonight. May have to run to the store and get new underwear,lol, in case I end up going to sleep on a couch in a friend's house!😀 But seriously, I am nervous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You need a lawyer, and the lawyer needs to go after him for financial support for you and the baby, that means for instance full medical insurance for pre and post natal care.
> 
> You mention his shop. Is it his? As in the he owns it? You my be able to get a lien on it.
> 
> *Talk to a lawyer ASAP.*


If not sooner.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betrayedred said:


> Thanks, y'all! I know deep down, that I am amazing, lol! And my problem was in assuming that because the second one looked so different from the first one, that they were different!:-/ Oh, and I didn't give myself time to heal from the damage of the first marriage. Darn impulsivity! 😋
> 
> I am killing time right now. He is being confronted by the elders of our church, because in his communication (which today included splitting our money and forcing me out, and telling me I was playing a dangerous game, telling me he didn't want me around his kids, asking me to pick up his kids, asking me if I have left him, and telling me how destroyed he was inside) he is going through a cycle that is now dangerous for our unborn child. His game of push away, pull me back, is insane! And I have allowed too much of it to go on put of fear and compassion. So I only responded with yes to picking up my stepson and no to splitting the money. I didn't feed his need for reassurance, and stayed dark.
> 
> ...


*Have you considered that he may really be insane?*


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Betrayedred said:


> Thanks, y'all! I know deep down, that I am amazing, lol! And my problem was in assuming that because the second one looked so different from the first one, that they were different!:-/ Oh, and I didn't give myself time to heal from the damage of the first marriage. Darn impulsivity! 😋
> 
> I am killing time right now. He is being confronted by the elders of our church, because in his communication (which today included splitting our money and forcing me out, and telling me I was playing a dangerous game, telling me he didn't want me around his kids, asking me to pick up his kids, asking me if I have left him, and telling me how destroyed he was inside) he is going through a cycle that is now dangerous for our unborn child. His game of push away, pull me back, is insane! And I have allowed too much of it to go on put of fear and compassion. So I only responded with yes to picking up my stepson and no to splitting the money. I didn't feed his need for reassurance, and stayed dark.
> 
> ...


If you believe there is even the slightest chance you are in danger, call the local police, take the kids and go to a shelter for abused women. AND GET THAT ATTORNEY!


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Attorney will be retained tomorrow. And I am just waiting to hear how the meeting went. It's been two hours. Absolutely if I feel unsafe, I will not be at the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Do not sign a damn thing, confess anything, say your moving, make any other comments to his friends/relatives and preferable your friends/ relatives without the advice of your attorney. 
(this is my opinion based on the information provided and is not intended to be legal advice. But you need to listen )


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Ovid said:


> Seriously disgusting excuse for a little boy you married.
> 
> I don't think anyone can do anything to be treated so badly. Your baby certainly didn't do anything that your H should want it homeless. Clearly your problem is in choosing a mate.


YEP.
My POS STBXH got angry at me when I was pregnant and told me to have an abortion and go back to New Zealand.

The OW he got pregnant, he told me he wished she and the baby would DIE. Now I've filed for divorce, he wants to move in with her 

Seriously disgusting excuse for the human he is.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

So, he doesn't want you around his kids, then he's asking you to pick them up??

Crazy!

Personally, unless there is a need for his children to be there, I would contact their mother and explain what's going on - assuming you have a good relationship with their mother. They shouldn't be there right now to witness this. 

Glad you've got a good attorney.

Don't let the POS bully you.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> YEP.
> My POS STBXH got angry at me when I was pregnant and told me to have an abortion and go back to New Zealand.
> 
> The OW he got pregnant, he told me he wished she and the baby would DIE. Now I've filed for divorce, he wants to move in with her
> ...


Obviously is only interested in people that are providing for his interests and wants nothing to do with providing for other. The height of selfishness. Congratulations on moving on.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Can you not stay with your parents?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

How are you doing?


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## Betrayedred (Jun 16, 2013)

Well, I am better. I think we may actually be in a real R. I don't know though. 

He is finally, I hope, in non contact. He showed me all the ways that he could be in contact with her, that I would never know about. He said he did it to show me that I will just have to trust him. Ha! Anyhow. 

He cut things off with her after I confronted him about it being past the time that we had agreed to for the no contact to be established---after he initiated contact with her and her FB relationship status changed to "In a Complicated Relationship." He said that he had cut back on contact, what more did I want. I told him I wanted him to keep his word and have NO contact. Then I sent her a message on FB, letting her know a few things---mainly that while I recognized that she was a broken person, searching for completion and love, like the rest of us, she was NOT going to find it in the arms of my husband. She sent me a text and told me that she didn't want my husband. Her relationship status disappeared. 

The next day, he told me how strong I was, how much he loved me, and how he really appreciated how I fought for our marriage. Day after that, he told me that he hoped to never go through another divorce. 

I am liking what I am seeing and hearing, but I feel like my walls are so high. I don't know if I can trust him, if I should trust him...he is now giving me free access to his phone, email, ipad, etc, so that's all good. At the same time, I'm so very very angry at times and I want to lash out at him. (I even spit in his drink a week ago! )But I know that it's probably too early to unleash all of my anger about things. That's what my IC is for, right now. 

The pregnancy is doing ok---my doctor said that I need to monitor my blood pressure and swelling. My protein was up in my urine and my blood pressure was high again. But no swelling so far. Baby Boy is growing and moving so much!  My 6 year old daughter played "poke me" with him the other day---pushing where he was kicking, and feeling him kick back. Her face was breathtakingly beautiful as she smiled. Things like that keep me going. 

Will I ever trust him again? Will I ever trust US again? Do I even want to? I want to be faithful to God, to have this covenant marriage that I believe in---but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I know there is still truth that will have to come out---and I fully expect it to trickle, because he is, by nature, a rug sweeper. Sigh. 

Ok. Rambling off. I'm going to go put up my feet, read my book, and sip sparkling cider, pretending that it's wine!


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