# Sort of New



## Hope Shimmers

Hi everyone... this is my first post here, although I've been a member for a few months.

I was a long-time poster on a similar forum and I recognize some names from there.

I am a divorced single mom of 4. My youngest daughter died at birth several years ago and would be in preschool/kindergarten now. My 2 oldest are in college; the other in high school. 

Unfortunately I have experience in the infidelity arena, as I dated and fell in love with a man after my divorce who was legally separated and divorcing. A couple of years later he went back to his wife, and I ended up as the OW until I stopped being stupid and got strong enough to disconnect from that horrible situation.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season.


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## jorgegene

welcome, hope shimmers

i think that's one reason why it's so important to wait a long time before dating after a serious relationship.
both the newly separated and the unwitting partners can be victimized.

i'm not even addressing your situation specifically, but in general. people rush out to date after separating and/or divorcing, 
when really they need time to heal and re establish their identity

my 2 cents


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## Hope Shimmers

jorgegene said:


> welcome, hope shimmers
> 
> i think that's one reason why it's so important to wait a long time before dating after a serious relationship.
> both the newly separated and the unwitting partners can be victimized.
> 
> i'm not even addressing your situation specifically, but in general. people rush out to date after separating and/or divorcing,
> when really they need time to heal and re establish their identity
> 
> my 2 cents


Thank you jorgegene for the kind reply!

You are SO right. I learned a very hard lesson. Never again will I date men who are not completely divorced - AND with a lot of time for the ink to dry on the paperwork.


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## RoseAglow

Hi @HopeShimmers! Welcome to TAM! I recognize you from the other forum. I posted there rarely under a different name. I have long admired your posts there. You have been kind and empathetic, even in the midst of great personal pain, even to people who did not always treat you similarly. It's lovely to see you here!


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## Hope Shimmers

RoseAglow said:


> Hi @HopeShimmers! Welcome to TAM! I recognize you from the other forum. I posted there rarely under a different name. I have long admired your posts there. You have been kind and empathetic, even in the midst of great personal pain, even to people who did not always treat you similarly. It's lovely to see you here!


Wow, thank you so much RoseAglow! You have no idea how much I appreciate hearing that.

I am glad to be here. I really like the way this site is set up, and the features of the forum.

I look forward to reading your back posts and those of others here as well.


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## Marc878

I've seen your posts. 

Your input would be valuable anywhere. 

Welcome


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## tech-novelist

Beautiful avatar too.


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## TeddieG

Hi Hope. Welcome.


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## Dude007

I'm the smart good looking guy! Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope Shimmers

Marc878 said:


> I've seen your posts.
> 
> Your input would be valuable anywhere.
> 
> Welcome


And I have read many of yours too Marc, and I return the sentiment. Thank you 



technovelist said:


> Beautiful avatar too.


Thank you!



TeddieG said:


> Hi Hope. Welcome.


Thank you so much for the welcome. So glad to be here!


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## Hope Shimmers

Dude007 said:


> I'm the smart good looking guy! Dude
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have already read a few of your posts 

Thank you!


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## Dude007

Hope Shimmers said:


> I have already read a few of your posts
> 
> Thank you!


I use my analytics with 80 percent logic and 20 percent emotions so my responses may seem uncommon, but if followed, they allow anyone the ability to recover from anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA

Hi Hope,

I visited the other site and skimmed your threads both as hope and tenacity. I didn't see any info, other then brief throw away comments, about your marriage or your children. Could you do so? Your comments have drawn my interest. I have a natural curiosity for context and timelines which I use to try to understand the why's of life.

Thanks

John


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## Hope Shimmers

JohnA said:


> Hi Hope,
> 
> I visited the other site and skimmed your threads both as hope and tenacity. I didn't see any info, other then brief throw away comments, about your marriage or your children. Could you do so? Your comments have drawn my interest. I have a natural curiosity for context and timelines which I use to try to understand the why's of life.
> 
> Thanks
> 
> John


Hi John,

I've been divorced since 2007. Was married for around 17 years; kids in college (youngest is 14 now). I don't talk much about my marriage. It wasn't a good experience - very mentally/emotionally abusive all the way through, and I didn't listen to everyone else who told me to get out. Finally at the end it became physically abusive and that's when I divorced. 

If you figure out the why's of life, please let me know....

Hope


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## JohnA

So far the only thing I have figured out is the future is behind us. We need to turn around and walk though the past to get to the future. The past is the future, unless we change it.


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