# [b][/b] is my husband selfish?



## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

*Is my husband selfish?*

Is my husband selfish, or is there something else going on with him like a mental health problem?
We have been having a few marrital problems. To sum up really quickly- He cheated and said he's not sure if he loves me or likes me.

But then on Mon I told my husband the news that the Dr had discovered a tumor in me. 'That's no good' he said before telling me that he wasn't going to be home for dinner the next night. Then later on I had to ask him for a hug; I got from him one arm stretched out at length and 3 taps from his out stretched hand on my shoulder. That was it. 

Then today i txt him to say it had got worse and more painful. He didn't reply. Maybe he didn't get it. But he got the txt I sent him after it to tell him what time to pick up 1 of our kids from sports because he replied to that one.

Now he says that he is going away 'with the boys' this weekend leaving me to do everything. We had already spoken about this weekend and how it would need 2 of us to drive the kids places and have be in different places at the same time to get things done. So I am having to call in favors from people. It also ruined my plans for Saturday night.

He really isn't the sort of person that goes in to shock about things ever. He is more the sort of person who has to do what he wants to do all the time and can't see beyond himself usually.


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## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

I know I probably shouldn't stay but I do anything to keep our nuclear family together. Plus if I get more sick and something happens to me I don't want make the kids pain any worse by divorcing.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

He sounds very selfish. His reaction to the news of the tumor bothers me the most because it indicates non-caring. "That's no good" is a response I would expect if you had told him you broke a fingernail.


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## Antheia (Jul 5, 2010)

BigToe said:


> He sounds very selfish. His reaction to the news of the tumor bothers me the most because it indicates non-caring. "That's no good" is a response I would expect if you had told him you broke a fingernail.


:iagree:

The affair thing is what worries me. I don't know how you resolved it but it sounds like you just said "please come back I forgive you". If he really wanted to be with you he would be working hard to make it up to you instead he is using you.
Your kids deserve more don't stay just because you think having a nuclear family of any description is better than divorce cause it isn't.
Do you have family or close friends to support you with her health issues. You need support now to get through this and he is not there for you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He DOES believe you, right? Otherwise his reaction is pretty far off the map.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He sounds like a d!ck. I'm sorry about ur tumor. Def follow up with your doc. Stop calling and essentially asking him to give you attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Your husband sounds more than selfish. He's unsupportive, insensitive, and uncaring too.

Do you have someone close - family member, good friend - that can be there to help support you as you go through whatever you need to for your medical condition?

God Bless.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Total schmuck


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sorry hun for the bad news. You take care of you. Your #1 priority is you --your health. 

This is not love. His behavior, and care won't improve. An uncaring, unsupportive, unloving spouse gets old after awhile. You deserve to be treated better. He maybe selfish, or he may have a mental illnes, but either way it doesn't help you. You will not be able to convince him there is something wrong with him.

To much energy and time consuming. Right now you have to take care of you. You have to love you enough to get thru ALL the tests the drs. will put you thru.

Good luck I wish you the best.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Have you considered that he's scared sh!tless and doesn't know how to react? This is a big deal that most people think won't happen. Sounds a little immature on his part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Ask your doctor or care center for a referral to a medical social worker. You and your children need more support during this time than you can get from your husband.

Document everything, as this is *going in the direction of *medical neglect and is a crime in most jurisdictions. That it is abusive goes without saying. 

Update your medical power of attorney to someone other than your husband, and re-do your living will as well as your will. 

Your medical caregivers need to be aware of the situation and also I wouldn't authorize any release of medical information to him without your specific consent. You want to be able to make your own decisions about your own care without his interference. Or worse, have him say something to the caregivers and have them take it as your word or desire/intention (despite HIPPA laws, it can and does happen.)
Even though it might be embarassing, you really want to make those involved in your care aware of H's cheating and distancing. Have them flag your record. Create and protect the peaceful and safe environment you need to have the medical care you deserve.

Once you have got your kids cared for and your medical issues addressed and some basic proections in place you can deal with the rest. 

Make sure you have some money set aside in an account just for you, so that you don't end up going for surgery and come out of the hospital with rude surprises.


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

You don't need a survey for this question! How did you luck out and find such a gem?


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