# Wife after 5 years needs space



## thomasbrown (Jul 17, 2012)

Ok basically me and my wife i have been together for 5 years till this point.When we first started talking she was 15 and i was 18years old and now i am 23 and she is 20. Ok everything was going good the first 3 yrs , then when we moved in it seemed like no stop fussing and fighting about her not being able to see her family and friends.Now iam not the type to hold anybody back from their family but we never spend time because we are always working 5 days a week and out of a week i would like 1 day for us to have quality time.But everytime that one day comes it seems like her family will call her say there doing something and now the day we planned to have together she would want to go down their.So she would ask me and i would be like okay i though we were going to spend time today so she'll say fine. Next thing you know she'll give me the silent treatment ,start acting negative , we'll have a arguement then shes off running to her family. We'll be on this break up for two weeks and she will come back , and well reconsile.And this has been happening for the last two years in this relationship.Seems like we cant get anything done because of this: personal life, finacial life, sex, and planning our future because of this and we arent getting anywhere. If i do finally get her to sit down she will be sooooo negative that it gets to me , we'll fuss and fight again then its back to the basics.And on top off all that sex for that last two years seems one-sided(it like am literally riding a blow-doll), when i look her in her eyes she can never look but for like a split second( it bothers me for some reason) We've come to the point where theirs like no conversation. She doesnt do or say anything affectionate to me unless i do it ( say i love u, kiss, hug, appreciation, ect. It seems like i give her all the attention she wants, ask her about what she wants , kisses her loves her but i cant get that in return. If i do ask her when she does it it seems soooooooooooooo forced. Well anyway about 3 weeks ago we had another break-up . This time when i asked her what we were going to do she said she needs time to think, so iam like okay.The first time when we talked she said she needed space so give her 2 weeks , i was like okay does this mean we still talk .She then says i dont know i have to think , then i ask her how long this will take she says she doesnt know.I said i respect your decision but i just need to know where we stand is this a break to fix us or a break up .She says she doesnt know.Then i ask her a week later she gets mad, starts a argument, talking sh*t and says i need a cigarette. So she finally says i love you but the feeling has gone and its been gone for like a year now. Then i say its been five yrs and your just saying this i mean after all we planned in our lives your just going to end it like this.And she said we were young when we started talking things change.Then she gets emotional and starts saying i dont deserve you , go to you ex she does. I have to change me because if i dont then iam going to hurt you.So i said are you cheating she says no , it just all the running away iam doing to you it distracting you from what you need to do and i have to change myself.So iam like okay , then a couple of days later she calls me , we talk , then we and up fussing again now shes saying iam down here because iam all about me right now. i want to spend my money how i want, i want to do what i want and how i want, and i dont want us right now . So iam like okay do you ever want us she says i dont know then about 5 mins later shes like i have to change me iam just scared that while iam doing this you will find someone else . 

So basically iam asking what gives , like we havent talking in a week. So should i basically move on or wait for her.Is she doing this because she really cares about the relationship or is she being a selfish childish b**ch( excuse my french) Iam i a constraint on her life , and if so why did she say she wanted this in the first place. I have no problem giving space but i need to now whats the status with us, and how long is a reasonable time to wait on her, or is i just over. The reason this hurts is because how long we've been together , and seems like she doesnt feel any emotion and shes throwing me away like a used toy. and lastly because in this relationship i am starving for attention, love , 2 sided sex , and appreciation and shes just going further away . someone please give me your take on this scenario


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

thomas,

To say the two of you have lts of issues is an understatement.

First, you've been together since you were very young so neither of you have any real world experience with relationships other than your own.

I does seem to me that your wife is very immature because of the way she deals with her issues by running away from them. In five years if that happened to me as many times as it has to you, I think I would have called it quits a long time ago

Perhaps the most troubling is that she has told you I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (ILYBNILWY). This can be a death knell for a marriage. It usually indicates that the spouse has checked out of the marriage for one of a number od reasons.

While I could go on and on about the other issues the two of you have, I think that the best course of action to try and save this marriage would be to get into marriage counseling TODAY.

I will also add that I honestly don't know if a relationship with this many issues can or should be saved. That's up to the two of you


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Forest of words. I cannot penetrate it. 

Go back and put some paragraphs in please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Why do you even want to fix this? It's clear she does not really love you--and at her age, she may not be capable of the kind of love needed to sustain a marriage. 

The running home after arguments, etc., means she is not separated enough (emotionally) from her family to deal with things. You cannot force her to do that--she has to mature on her own personal timetable. So cut your losses and run--and don't have any babies with her, please, for god's sake!


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

To get the best answer, stop pestering her and try this instead. Send her a text letting her know you understand the need for a break now and leave it at that. Do not text back and forth, do not argue. If she contacts you, be warm and friendly - but not too much. Stay busy, to the point that when she contacts you you can honestly say "Its really great talking to you, but I have to run", do not tell her your plans. Let her see that you are happy and living life. 

The reason for this is - right now she thinks you "has" you, she doesn't respect you and she sees you as weak. She is not thinking of you, she is thinking of living life without you. When she sees that you are just fine without her and might move on, she will start thinking about you - wondering what you are doing and realize that you are not just sitting their waiting for her to play her games. At this point, she will start to make moves to contact you more. If she doesn't after say several weeks, then you can pretty much guess its time to move on, but I have a feeling she is going to be too curious to just let things go.

Oh, and when she does start contacting you again, don't just rush to "get back together", take it slow and use the time to get back together in a healthier/happier way. Couples counseling might be a good place to start to do that.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

You married way too young. You both are still maturing into adults. I know you don't want to hear this but it's the truth. She won't even know what she wants until she's 28 or so. Very few people end up staying with the person they met when they were 15. It's not natural. Chock it up to a life experience and move on. No kids to worry about so this isn't complicated. Don't get remarried until your 30. Enjoy life for while before you start another serious relationship. *Where were your parents*?


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