# Overcoming inhibitions



## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

I try to think of myself as a modern women. Open, self reliant etc. I realize though that collectively many women are in fact inhibited. 

I read here how wves have overcome this to the benefit of their sex lives. My question is how can we get past this? How have you?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I have always been a bad girl. 

I view sex a wonderful thing. 

Sex not only gives my husband a lot of pleasure, it also brings me a lot of joy. It connects me with my husband emotionally and physically. 

The main reason I divorced my ex was he wasn't romantic in bed. The biggest reason I married my now husband was his romantic and affectionate love for me. 

He takes the lead, he explores my body, I enjoy the results.

Sometimes we don't have sex, we still play with each other sexually. Fondling, caressing, stroking, kissing, eying, joking......... all the seducing and playing are just fascinating. 

I think because I am so happy in this area, I don't need material things to make me happy. I am quite content.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I just a few month ago decided to let go more. It was a conscious decision.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

And what was the result?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

michzz said:


> And what was the result?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A corpse with a smile...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

michzz said:


> And what was the result?[/size]


Are you asking me?


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I have let go a lot recently. I'm like screw it! I only have one life. 

Last weekend I worked my husband so good the next day he called me a "freak". He meant it in a good way.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

themrs said:


> I have let go a lot recently. I'm like screw it! I only have one life.
> 
> Last weekend I worked my husband so good the next day he called me a "freak". He meant it in a good way.


This has been my attitude as well. One life. Screw it and I'm going to enjoy it. While he didn't call me a freak he did joke that I'm wearing him out and that he's very tired. I'll take that as a compliment.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

magnoliagal said:


> Are you asking me?


Yes


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

This can be a big problem with us women...Took me years to fight my way out of a bag...Many things we fight are ourselves...I once had a close girlfriend who told me that she had more fun when they would park then she did now that they were married...Eight years ago I lost every inhibition that I ever had...Left it on the top floor of the Contemporary Hotel in Orlando...I can now say I am wild as the wind and I love it...Sometimes I wonder how I even got here...Life is good....Take care...


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

I made a point to stop thinking that my husband views me the way I view me. I started recognizing that I view my body in a harsh way sometimes but he completely worships my body all the time. 

Thinking about it that way made it easy to lose those inhibitions.


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## roymcavoy (Apr 15, 2011)

GOOD for you guys!! That is fantastic!!

You're SO right -- life is SHORT! Loosen up...have a little FUN!! I bet your husbands are bragging about you to all their friends.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

WhiteRabbit said:


> I made a point to stop thinking that my husband views me the way I view me. I started recognizing that I view my body in a harsh way sometimes but he completely worships my body all the time.
> 
> Thinking about it that way made it easy to lose those inhibitions.


This is good advice. I have a hard time with this myself. It's even hard for me to take compliments gracefully because while I believe HE thinks I'm beautiful, many days I don't think that about myself so it's hard for me to accept the compliment. I can see how that can bleed over into a sex life.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

themrs said:


> This is good advice. I have a hard time with this myself. It's even hard for me to take compliments gracefully because while I believe HE thinks I'm beautiful, many days I don't think that about myself so it's hard for me to accept the compliment. I can see how that can bleed over into a sex life.


The BEST thing I EVER did for myself was read an article as a teen that addressed the issue of just saying thank you when receiving praise. The suggestion was just say thank you and smile then let the praise go. don't give in to the tendency to pick yourself apart after getting praised. 

historically women are taught that they aren't worthy of praise and they have to be hard on themselves to avoid being called stuck up or conceited. I despise this way of thinking as a modern woman. Darnit we ARE worthy of praise! We earn that stuff on a daily basis and we need to learn to enjoy it and feel warm n sunny after receiving a compliment.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

That's the key - I got married very young and viewed sex as deadly serious not a recipe for a light fun sex life. My husband is not the lest bit serious so I have learned to follow suit. I not as much of a freak as I'd like to be, I have fantasies and ideas that I have not rolled out yet. 

I read post from men and women who are older and have been repressed their whole lives and they talk about regret. I think of my self at 80yr old. Will I be glad I didn't do those things only nasty girls do or that I eeeff my man to the floorboards till he screamed. I don't want to go into that big sleep without a wicked smile on my face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> That's the key - I got married very young and viewed sex as deadly serious not a recipe for a light fun sex life. My husband is not the lest bit serious so I have learned to follow suit. I not as much of a freak as I'd like to be, I have fantasies and ideas that I have not rolled out yet.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Again...why?


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

the lines between being the stereotypical "nasty girl" and being a nice girl should be blurred until they disappear and people stop judging women by the type of bedroom activities she chooses to engage in with her man. 

i believe that if it's acceptable for an upstanding man to partake in so called naughty bedroom fun...it is also perfectly acceptable for an upstanding woman to do the same...she'll probably do it better anyway j/k...maybe...


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

WhiteRabbit said:


> The BEST thing I EVER did for myself was read an article as a teen that addressed the issue of just saying thank you when receiving praise. The suggestion was just say thank you and smile then let the praise go. don't give in to the tendency to pick yourself apart after getting praised.
> 
> historically women are taught that they aren't worthy of praise and they have to be hard on themselves to avoid being called stuck up or conceited. I despise this way of thinking as a modern woman. Darnit we ARE worthy of praise! We earn that stuff on a daily basis and we need to learn to enjoy it and feel warm n sunny after receiving a compliment.


:iagree:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think it is just really hard to overcome your inhibitions. At least I am finding it extremely hard to do so. It is like an invisible leash around my neck that continually holds me back. And for the life of me I cannot figure out where the leash came from - I did not have the kind of upbringing from my parents or from religion that would have put that leash on, so I figure I must have somehow put it on myself.

So, I keep trying - figuring that if I keep chipping away at it, someday that leash will fall off - and then WATCH OUT!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

What helped me was reading this board and realizing that men really do like it. Seeing me really into it makes my husband feel wanted. It's a gift to him. I see that now.


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## remakingmylife (Apr 18, 2011)

This is an interesting first post for me! :smthumbup:

I grew up in a very strict religious environment. Hubby did not. We've been talking a lot recently about our marriage (came through a really bumpy stretch in the last couple of months).

One thing that we've been talking a lot about is our sex life. Bless his heart, he's been trying to encourage me to communicate about sex for a long time, and I realize that I never really fully participated in the conversation.

I don't know if this will work for other people, but we bought a 3-DVD set about sex (Loving Sex: Modern Kama Sutra). We're going through it very slowly, with lots of pauses to talk (I think we've watched about 15 minutes of the first DVD during the last week and a half). Our conversations take us far from the DVD, but at least it's a start in the right direction. 

In a way, I feel quite foolish that I'm just learning to have these conversations now, with our 7-year anniversary coming up at the end of the month. But hey - it's progress, and we've been having a lot of fun with it in the meantime!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I have always been a bad girl.
> 
> I view sex a wonderful thing.
> 
> ...


That's a good post.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

This thread and the responsed (not just the content but, the number opened my eyes to the extent of how this issue effect women. It is sad to think that many women seem to be conflicted by these things. 

It is also remarkable that there are older ladies that are kicking themselves for not Opening up" sooner. I wonder how many womens live would be enriched in this area if they realized this or recognized this. 

I would imagine that there are countless other women who are held back on an onconscious level. 

I know my wife too professes to be inhibited etc. but, too has demonstrated behavior to the contrary. In essense is too inhibited to admit to me (and perhaps hersefl) that she is inhibited. 


I would be interested to know if younger women (who grew up with magaizines like cosmo, mainstream use of vibrators, etc. and a more accepting view of women's sexuality would) are still inhibited. My guess would be yes as the double standard (despite all best efforts) is still in my my opinion, still allive and well. even in 2011. 


How can we as husbands comfort you in this regard? I think we as men are conflicted. If we mention that we wished you to be more X or more Z you could internalize it as a critisism rather than a suggestion or request. Please advise!


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

i think men are conflicted about what they want. Like the rapper says, "lady in the street but a freak in the bed"

I think some men are afraid that if they express their desires to their wives, one of two things will happen. Wife will either become totally uninhibited then end up running wild and becoming huge "****". OR wife will reject husband and forever brand him as a disgusting perverted jerk with demented needs.

Wife is afraid to be uninhibited bc she doesn't want husband thinking she's some sort of sexual object to be played with and she doesn't want him thinking she's a "****".wife is afraid husband won't respect her outside of the bedroom if she becomes "loose" in the bedroom.

just my humble observations...


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

tjohnson said:


> This thread and the responsed (not just the content but, the number opened my eyes to the extent of how this issue effect women. It is sad to think that many women seem to be conflicted by these things.
> 
> It is also remarkable that there are older ladies that are kicking themselves for not Opening up" sooner. I wonder how many womens live would be enriched in this area if they realized this or recognized this.
> 
> ...


I'm 30 and when I married at 24 I was super inhibited. I think the way I'm inhibited sexually is the same way my husband is inhibited emotionally. He's been free to express himself sexually since forever, but I never had that privilege without being considered a tramp. Also, because of this I was scared because I didn't think I was good in bed but I think he's fantastic! I thought he was so much better than me so I was afraid to let loose because I thought he'd think I was boring or trying too hard. It's hard to explain. Basically I was afraid to turn him off. 

I talked to him about it and I told him how I felt. He thought it was ridiculous for me to think I wasn't good in bed. He told me that there isn't anything I'd probably want to do that would turn him off. It made me feel better.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

tjohnson said:


> I would be interested to know if younger women (who grew up with magaizines like cosmo, mainstream use of vibrators, etc. and a more accepting view of women's sexuality would) are still inhibited. My guess would be yes as the double standard (despite all best efforts) is still in my my opinion, still allive and well. even in 2011.


My parents were totally oversexed. They watched skinemax, had subscriptions to all kinds of magazines, owned sex books, they were open with nudity, all of it. So in that respect I grew up uninhibited...until I got married. Now I don't know if it was because my marriage fell apart quickly or because I thought the rules changed once I became a wife. Not sure which.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Part of my inhibitions also stemmed from lack of trust. The more I trust my husband, the more freely I give myself to him sexually. When he does something that makes me question his trustworthyness, it makes me guard myself sexually. 

I felt like I didn't want to go the full way with someone who may leave me or fool around on me. The more years that pass, the more he shows me he isn't going to leave me or fool around the more open I become. 

I think trust and being uninhibited go hand and hand for me.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Good point themrs. Trust is so far what is stopping me from going much farther than I already have. I don't trust that he'll be honest with me. I don't trust that he loves me vs just staying out of committment. And based on what I learned recently I certainly don't trust that he's all that happy with me. He may be just going through the motions because he fears me leaving. Not sure. Either way I'm not sure what is under the surface with him. It may be nothing or it could be something. Either way it's a bit of a wall between us until I figure it out.

I think I'd feel better if he would start telling me how he feels. He's so emotionally closed off and it's hard to be uninhibited with someone like that.

Then there's that passive thing. uggg...he takes no initiative and that makes me hesitant.


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## remakingmylife (Apr 18, 2011)

I turned 39 on Sunday, and didn't marry until I was 31. I was very familiar with vibrators (yay for toys!), but somehow felt that when I got married, I needed to stick to the 'nice girls don't do that' mentality. My husband never implied that (quite the opposite, actually), but the only example I had was my parents.

Of course, now that I've been with H for 9 years, I have some really interesting conversations with my mom... if I had known some of those things back then, I would probably have a completely different outlook!

If I could, I'd like to share something else that hubby and I talked about just last week. H has always wanted to communicate about sex, but he would ask the questions during sex. Instead of relaxing and just 'feeling', I would freeze up and my brain would go into hyperdrive... "Should I say up or down or harder or softer? What are the cheesy porn lines? Would that actually work in real life? No, that's stupid because I don't want to fake it... I'm too honest for that. But I should know this stuff already - what's wrong with me???"

He didn't know that I was responding that way to his honest questions. So he would be confused or hurt because I wasn't answering his questions, and I felt stupid and inexperienced.

So we agreed to have those conversations outside of the bedroom, to avoid that pressure and to allow us both to just relax and enjoy being together. I don't know if other ladies have that same issue, but it's worked for us so far.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> Good point themrs. Trust is so far what is stopping me from going much farther than I already have. I don't trust that he'll be honest with me. I don't trust that he loves me vs just staying out of committment. And based on what I learned recently I certainly don't trust that he's all that happy with me. He may be just going through the motions because he fears me leaving. Not sure. Either way I'm not sure what is under the surface with him. It may be nothing or it could be something. Either way it's a bit of a wall between us until I figure it out.
> 
> I think I'd feel better if he would start telling me how he feels. He's so emotionally closed off and it's hard to be uninhibited with someone like that.
> 
> Then there's that passive thing. uggg...he takes no initiative and that makes me hesitant.


I get the feeling like he's got the same inhibitions as you, just with his feelings and not with sex. I think that is my husband too. He's afraid to open up to me all the way with his feelings just as I'm afraid to open up to him all the way with sex. Maybe if I DID go the full way with him, he'd do the same with me. Who knows? I guess it's worth a shot, but it's scary. There is nothing that makes me feel more vulnerable.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

themrs said:


> I get the feeling like he's got the same inhibitions as you, just with his feelings and not with sex.


I think you are right and it's probably both but you make a good point. Overcoming inhibitions means somebody has to make that choice to risk opening up and being vulnerable. Instead couples like us tend to sit back and wait for the other one to do it first. And then 20 years later we are still waiting...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> The BEST thing I EVER did for myself was read an article as a teen that addressed the issue of just saying thank you when receiving praise. The suggestion was just say thank you and smile then let the praise go. don't give in to the tendency to pick yourself apart after getting praised.
> 
> historically women are taught that they aren't worthy of praise and they have to be hard on themselves to avoid being called stuck up or conceited. I despise this way of thinking as a modern woman. Darnit we ARE worthy of praise! We earn that stuff on a daily basis and we need to learn to enjoy it and feel warm n sunny after receiving a compliment.


This is something I've started doing with my GF... Simply accepting her compliment with a very sincere "Thank you". I consider it part of rebuilding my self esteem.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marriedwithkids1 said:


> I try to think of myself as a modern women. Open, self reliant etc. I realize though that collectively many women are in fact inhibited.
> 
> I read here how wves have overcome this to the benefit of their sex lives. My question is how can we get past this? How have you?



If you are still sexually attracted to your husband & all else is good in the marraige, you at least have a "normal" sex drive -not being hampered by hormonal birth control or other meds, you are off to a grand start -to set out on a path of new found freedom & passion in the bedroom.

If you are a reader, start by getting some informative Sex books ! 


Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books 

Amazon.com: The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex: An Indispensable Resource to Pleasure and Seduction (9780871319340): Barbara Keesling Ph.D.: Books


Amazon.com: The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion (9781590303641): Gina Ogden: Books

Reading helped me immensely. I even found I got "turned on" reading this sort of stuff. I just wanted to "DO" everything I was reading about. 

If your husband is affectionately sexual and wants this from you, the more empowered you will be to let the inhibitions go, allowing such vulnerability to show & express. 

"Religious thinking" held me back to a degree I regret very very much in my marraige for far too many years. My personal transformation story here :
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...sets-collide-sexually-repressed-awakened.html


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

tjohnson said:


> How can we as husbands comfort you in this regard? I think we as men are conflicted. If we mention that we wished you to be more X or more Z you could internalize it as a critisism rather than a suggestion or request. Please advise!


tj, I think that if a husband has a very inhibited wife, he should consider it his #1 job/responsibility to help his wife take that leash of inhibitedness off her neck. He can do that by being patient with her (probably a key component that may be very difficult for him to do because I think that it could take some time for a wife to turn the corner), encourage her, show her through actions as well as words how he feels. He needs to be completely truthworthy - she should feel like she could trust him with her life and most tender emotions. He will need to often put his own desires on the back burner and help cultivate his wife's. I think that it is a continual process, and a man shouldn't be afraid to take the lead in helping his wife. Marriage is a people growing business, so a man can really step up in helping lead his inhibited wife in her sexual growth.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Let's explore that. How would go about that?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I often think these in my mind: What is the real definition of a good girl, what is the real definition of a good woman, what is the real definition of a good wife? 

Before you are married, it is great that you control yourself and don't give yourself away easily, that's commendable. 

But after you get married, a woman has to understand what her husband really wants. If he thinks you are a good woman and a good wife, then you are a good woman and a good wife. Not the definition religions trying to instill. 

If your husband wants a wild wife in bed, then give him that, it will only bring him big smiles. I doubt that he will think you are a bad girl. If a wild wife in bed is a bad girl, then I am sure he is happy with this bad girl. 

Other people don't care what you are doing and thinking as long as you don't tell them what you are doing and thinking. They are too busy with their own stuff, they really have little time to think what you are doing in your bedroom. And they just might be as wild as rabbits, they just might be the kinkiest people you might have ever known. If you don't know anything about them, they don't know anything about you either. 

Honestly, I admire people who enjoy themselves fully. If a woman comes me and tell me that she doesn't do anything dirty in bed because she wants to be a good girl, I will only shake my head and feel sorry for her and her husband, I don't think I will tell her: Yeah, Bravo, you are a great woman........................!

I often view activity in bed with my husband a free and wonderful entertainment. We don't need to spend any money, but it brings us the most joy. Yeah, nothing else can compare with sex!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

GP,
You have an incredibly healthy view of how sex amplifies a marriage. 




greenpearl said:


> I often think these in my mind: What is the real definition of a good girl, what is the real definition of a good woman, what is the real definition of a good wife?
> 
> Before you are married, it is great that you control yourself and don't give yourself away easily, that's commendable.
> 
> ...


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## reader27 (Apr 26, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I often think these in my mind: What is the real definition of a good girl, what is the real definition of a good woman, what is the real definition of a good wife?


A good wife is one who has lots of enthusiastic sex with her husband. One definition for a bad wife would be a wife who doesn't have sex with her husband. Where people start getting confused is that there is another definition for a bad wife which is a wife who has sex with men other than her husband. I think that is where the whole idea of women who like sex being "bad girls" comes from, the assumption is that if they like sex too much they might be more tempted to look for sex outside of the marriage. I don't think there are many men who wouldn't want a loyal wife that loves to have sex.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> GP,
> You have an incredibly healthy view of how sex amplifies a marriage.


MEM,

Your wife knows that very well too! 

Boker tells me a lot of things about men. He tells me what most men want and love. 

I learned a lot from him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

reader27 said:


> A good wife is one who has lots of enthusiastic sex with her husband. One definition for a bad wife would be a wife who doesn't have sex with her husband. Where people start getting confused is that there is another definition for a bad wife which is a wife who has sex with men other than her husband. I think that is where the whole idea of women who like sex being "bad girls" comes from, the assumption is that if they like sex too much they might be more tempted to look for sex outside of the marriage. I don't think there are many men who wouldn't want a loyal wife that loves to have sex.


Yes, I agree with that. 

A good wife has wild sex with her husband, but she avoids other men's approach. 

She understands her husband's needs and wants and she satisfies him to the most.

On TAM, I talk about sex as freely as a bird. In real life, I feel uncomfortable when I sit close to other men. I feel uncomfortable sitting next to my brother-in-law, I feel uncomfortable sitting next to my father-in-law. After I was committed to my husband, he is the only man who has my full attention. I don't talk to other men. I don't even look at other men for more than a glance.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> i think men are conflicted about what they want. Like the rapper says, "lady in the street but a freak in the bed"
> 
> I think some men are afraid that if they express their desires to their wives, one of two things will happen. Wife will either become totally uninhibited then end up running wild and becoming huge "****". OR wife will reject husband and forever brand him as a disgusting perverted jerk with demented needs.
> 
> ...


Totally agree this could be at the root of things. Personally, my wife could not be wild enough. Unless she starte suggested swinging (that is where i would draw the line...OK....let's leave that to another thread) 

I also thing we men kind of perpetuate this notion in some respects. I would love that my wife does certain things in the bedroom but, do not think it is something that i would want other people to know. Some things are private. 

I have to reiterate that most men who have healthy libidos would love their wife to be less inhibited. 

I think this is one of the most helpful threads i have read in a while. Thanks all for you thoughtfull comments.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

themrs said:


> I get the feeling like he's got the same inhibitions as you, just with his feelings and not with sex. I think that is my husband too. He's afraid to open up to me all the way with his feelings just as I'm afraid to open up to him all the way with sex. Maybe if I DID go the full way with him, he'd do the same with me. Who knows? I guess it's worth a shot, but it's scary. There is nothing that makes me feel more vulnerable.


To risk nothing is to have nothing. If you cannot go "all-in" with your hubby then what the heck.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

tjohnson said:


> To risk nothing is to have nothing. If you cannot go "all-in" with your hubby then what the heck.


Actually, I've started to loosen up but HE is the one who resists. I've been initiating more and more talkative about sex and he looks at me as if I'm crazy. 

Recently, I asked him if we could up the frequency of our lovemaking to everyday. He just looked at me and laughed nervously. "Practice makes perfect!" I said back to him with a smile. He didn't say anything and hasn't mentioned it since.

I feel like he wants me to be uninhibited, but only in the ways he wants. I have go "all-in" in my own way and at my own pace.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

you must also realize, that if your sex life has been inhibited and you have shown little desire for many years, to suddenly change (even for the better) there is a period of adjustment and confusion that will follow for the other spouse. its like, whoa, whats going on? but with practice all should be good


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> you must also realize, that if your sex life has been inhibited and you have shown little desire for many years, to suddenly change (even for the better) there is a period of adjustment and confusion that will follow for the other spouse. its like, whoa, whats going on? but with practice all should be good


This is where my husband is. Adjusting and confused...but happy. LOL!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> But after you get married, a woman has to understand what her husband really wants. If he thinks you are a good woman and a good wife, then you are a good woman and a good wife. Not the definition religions trying to instill.
> 
> If your husband wants a wild wife in bed, then give him that, it will only bring him big smiles. I doubt that he will think you are a bad girl. If a wild wife in bed is a bad girl, then I am sure he is happy with this bad girl.


What you say here makes me think of this quote I copied off the net on another sex forum when I was coming out of my inhibitions (before I ever came to TAM), it was written by *ThreeTimesALady* (she is a member here on this very forum & I figured it out by reading her posts amazingly). I will always find it very very inspirational about how us wives NEED to be.



> *Sex* *is* desiring him every time you look at him. Needing him to fill that wonderful yearning deep inside you that needs filling & to die for. *Sex** is *having breasts that ached to be touched & loved & you can not live without it.* Sex **is *waking him up in the middle of the night as you need him & want him & then you find that he wants you just as much & you make love for an hour & get up & have coffee & wonder where the years have gone.* Sex **is* finding the thrill after years of a man that can still make you scream & turn you to mush. *Sex** is *turning him into a crazy man who wants you more than his own life.
> 
> Now. *Love is *being able to see some fault in your lover but shutting your mouth for the good of a marriage. *Love is *having to give & take in a marriage. Learning where to stop an argument when it is not important to win. Winning sometimes can be losing. *Love is *being able to find in that precious other the boy in the man that you fell in love when you 1st married. *Love is *being able to go to the sexiest side of you & turn that man into mush after all these years. Love is being able to hear from your lover that if you die first he will follow you as he cannot live without you .* Love is *the sunshine in the morning when it is cloudy out but seeing him next to you makes your world. *Love is *being able to say screwing & not being embarrassed plus any other really dirty word in the bedroom as he loves it. The dirtier the better as we all know that ladies do not talk dirty with those wonderful words but we also know as ladies that when we enter our bedroom to our precious that we leave the lady at the door. We then turn into his sex siren. As hot & as sensual as can be. And then we all know that when we leave that bedroom we again pick up the lady. All us ladies must have the two faces of Eve. This makes for a very very fullfilling marriage, full of intimacy and Love. A man would never stray if he had this.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

BlackSand said:


> My wife was more uninhibited while dating than now after 20 years of marriage. I guess that was due to the newness of the relationship. Of course she told me recently that she was that way during dating so she could "hook me". It did hook me. Being with her during the dating phase was like the best freaking drug ever invented.


She's not inhibited then if she's done it in the past. She just doesn't want to do it for whatever reason.

I NEVER did a lot of thing sexually with our without my husband. 

She pulled the old bait and switch on you. Not cool.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

BlackSand said:


> My wife was more uninhibited while dating than now after 20 years of marriage. I guess that was due to the newness of the relationship. Of course she told me recently that she was that way during dating so she could "hook me". It did hook me. Being with her during the dating phase was like the best freaking drug ever invented.


i havent heard the "hook me" comment, but mine is like a quaker now compared to then


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

makes me laugh when women go from being what some would label freaky to being all lilly white and holier than thou in the bedroom.

i wanna smack the person who made women feel like they had to stop being a sexual being once they got the WIFE label. oh respectable wives don't do that! <---- * smacking that person in the head*


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

WhiteRabbit said:


> makes me laugh when women go from being what some would label freaky to being all lilly white and holier than thou in the bedroom.
> 
> i wanna smack the person who made women feel like they had to stop being a sexual being once they got the WIFE label. oh respectable wives don't do that! <---- * smacking that person in the head*


Yeah, that's backwards. Being a wife should give you more freedom to let go, not less.


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

Blacksand, 

I am not sure you can categorize what you and others are experiencing as loosing inhibitions. It seems more like "loosig interest" This seems like another issue. Good that you are taking responisbititly for at least part ot the situtaiton. NOt sure if the porn/wieght gain came before she shut down the sex dept or vice versa. Regardless, i am not sure if she is as inhibited as unmotivated. 

It is sad to hear men and women lose that sense of trying to please the other. I am sure i get comfortable too for sure and take or s/o for granted. We should not do that. 

I love the quote from 3 times a lady. Thanks simply.. that was a great one worth interjecting. I like the "leaving the lady at the door" poetic. 

On that note i think I am going to text my man and let him know I want us him to do something really fifththy with him this evening!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife came home buzzing with a new Marc Jacobs bag. I think she's gonna have sex with it.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> My wife came home buzzing with a new Marc Jacobs bag. I think she's gonna have sex with it.


LOL! A new bag can be a turn on for many women.


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

BS,

He might not be that "lucky". You should know my idea "really dirty" is putting on a leather jumpsuit, putting a ballgag on my husband and inserting a 4" diamter toy in his back side for fun. I'll be nice and use lube of course... ...Careful what you ask for...Kidding....


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> What helped me was reading this board and realizing that men really do like it. Seeing me really into it makes my husband feel wanted. It's a gift to him. I see that now.


This was a biggie for me. My husband was never really very vocal about encouraging me. I don't think either of us knew it was what I needed. I never understood that overcoming my inhibitions was necessary. 

I guess I always assumed he would judge me. I'm the one with the higher drive(for the most part), the one with all the fantasies, the fascination. It felt wrong for me to be the one to open up. I expected him to be more exotic than myself when it came to sex and I've always had this "good girl" image to live up to, my entire life. I kind of just wanted to stay that way. But I wasn't happy and neither was he. And we were both struggling with feeling like we'd made a huge mistake getting married, that we may not be compatible at all. We questioned whether we loved each other anymore. We were just so disconnected, it didn't even feel like we were married anymore. 

So I figured I had nothing to lose at that point and started breaking down my inhibitions. I started telling him my fantasies, what I wanted, what I liked. It was rather freeing, really. And he never once judged me. I think I shocked him several times but he took it all in and always made me feel accepted. That was a pretty major thing for me. If he'd shown any sort of negative reaction, I would have shut down immediately and most likely, permanently. 

These forums helped so much because I needed to know I wasn't alone, that I'm not the only HD woman out there. I'd only had one girlfriend in my life who was HD and I always admired her. Seeing so many women on here who have the same dynamic seemed to give me some sort of permission to accept myself. And seeing the men express how badly they want their wives to open up to them gave me a glimpse into my own husband's head. And it gave me the motivation to commit to never shut my husband out again, because I don't want him to end up on a forum like this someday, frustrated and depressed because he can't connect with me.

All of those factors contributed to my forcing myself to overcome my inhibitions. There were so many factors in my marriage and life I didn't feel like I could control, but this was one of them. So I went with it and it was the best thing I've ever done for my marriage, as it's opened up our communication levels immensely.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

marriedwithkids1 said:


> BS,
> 
> He might not be that "lucky". You should know my idea "really dirty" is putting on a leather jumpsuit, putting a ballgag on my husband and inserting a 4" diamter toy in his back side for fun. I'll be nice and use lube of course... ...Careful what you ask for...Kidding....


You don't scare me - I went through resistance to interrogation training


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