# Time To Give Up



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Just Wondering if giving up the sex life I desire makes any sense.Been Married 28 yrs and have a wonderful Wife and life.But sex has always been weak.I have spent 28 yrs trying to change her.She has no sexual desire.Lack of interest in it.What I get is Duty Sex 2-3 times a month.She could take it or leave it.I have tried to be nice/mean, give her space/scream and shout. Understand/and not.Sex is very important to me.I really need the sexual bold.I have been a model husband and a good father all these yrs.I have come to the realisation that it mite be easyer for me to change my wants that change her's.She understands she has no interest.She can have a orgasm if she is in to it so thats not the problem.
The women would never ask for it.And only give it up if I get pissed off about it. Or she feels I have waited long enough for it. We have a great life together other than this.I have spent my entire marriage trying to change this.But I feel its time to say I tried and I will go to my grave with never having the sex life I wanted.Well this is not a question .Its a story I really feel that humans are born with / or with out sexual desires.They are eather Horney or not.It does not matter who they Married.You can't change them.So for this day forward I give up on her.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> I have spent 28 yrs trying to change her.


This might be part of the problem. You can't change her or anyone.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sex is only one aspect of a relationship, albeit the most important one for most men, however you have made it "almost" work so far all this time.

What I see in your words sounds a lot like foggy, trying-to-justify-an-affair type talk and that is not good.

I don't think its too late to fix it at all, however you both are probably doing what you have always done because it is safe and doesn't stir the pot, when you do the same thing over and over expect the same results.

I personally think you should be posting this thread on the men's clubhouse, there is a lot of wisdom there on how to man up (make yourself better) and thus also have the side benefit of restoring desireability from your W. I think you should really focus on yourself more with the intent on learning how to meet your own needs without depending on her stepping up her game... reinvent yourself with you in mind (without trying to ellicit a reaction from her) Exercise, spend more time with guys, get yourself a new wardrobe, clean out the junk you never use etc.

You can't change her or her needs, but you can be kind, confident and compassionate. Do things for her she appreciates (not the things you think she SHOULD appreciate), learn her love language. If she is offering herself up sexually a few times a month, even if it is her wifely duties and she gets little from it, many guys would say you are still doing ok, become more selfish about it, enjoy it for you and worry less about pleasing her sexually.

You may not be the a categorical "niceguy" like some of us men on here however I think you may be able to learn something about respect and attraction by reading up on "niceguy syndrome".


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