# Getting it off my chest



## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

Hi Everyone,

I hope things are going as well as they can given that we are on this forum. The purpose of this post is not much more than to have my therapy of getting it off my chest. 

As many of you may or may not have read, I am currently going through divorce proceedings. I am separated over a year now. And started divorce proceedings as soon as I hit the one year required mark according to law. 

It has been hard, emotionally. I feel like last year when I went through separation, I sort of dealt with some of the emotions and then was like - ok, I am going to move on with life. And I did for a few months. But of course divorce paperwork is front and center of your life when it happens. 

Stupid stuff bother me. Like, when we did financial disclosures for the divorce, I learnt more about my ex's finances than I knew as his wife. I found that so sad. And then of course he thought I wanted all his money, so his lawyer kept sending us letters about how he owes all this money to his family, since they paid for the wedding etc. It was basically like - my mom paid for the wedding, so she is entitled to all the money in the bank. And I was like - this is so dumb, my parents have brought me up, so I owe my life to them, what sort of argument is that? Anyway I am just venting. 

In the end I figured the emotional stress of dragging this out is not worth my time and energy. So I let him have all his exemptions and just said that he split 50% of the cost for filing. I am waiting on his lawyer to respond to that. and hopefully, now that he gets to keep his money, he will sign the papers. And I will finally be able to move on once again. 

I just want my drivers license to have my own name again, you know? I just want to cut the cord altogether. I don't know why this final thread still holds me back from truly moving on. 

Thanks for reading.


----------



## Moving-on (May 12, 2017)

I don't know your full story, but good for you!! Material possessions, including money, can always be obtained again. Not worth the fight IMO.


----------



## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

Moving-on said:


> I don't know your full story, but good for you!! Material possessions, including money, can always be obtained again. Not worth the fight IMO.


One of the issues in my marriage (amongst others) was how I didn't care enough of material possessions. As in, he felt that the expensive house he bought or the expensive ring was not enough for me, that I wasn't grateful for the granite counter tops or the matching stainless steel garbage can. That part of me hasn't changed and likely won't. 

I am not upset about letting him have his money. Don't get me wrong I had/am having to go through plenty of financial hardships throughout this process. But I feel that I am strong girl and will be able to make more than enough money to sustain myself one day. It obviously helps that I have a stable career. 

I am upset that there was not clarity/purity/trust in the relationship for me to know about his financial situation. That I didnt hide a penny of my salary or my debt from him. That I was forthcoming with information and he wasn't. And yet I was accused of all sorts of things. I know it doesn't matter at this point. It just upsets me when I look at the facts and then remember all the accusations during fights. 

I guess this is all just part of the process of healing.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Obviously you could fight over the wedding debt, if there was no loan agreement than his family gifted you the wedding, a judge would see thru that bull in a second. But sometimes you need to just cut your loses and move on with your life. 

When it came to division of monies and assets in my divorce I looked at my ability to recover post divorce and decided the only thing worth fighting about was my having full custody of the kids. I gave up way more than my walk away wife was entitled to but honest to god it wasn't worth the energy to fight over things. On the other hand I know a couple who's divorce took six years! Can you imagine that? They literally fought about every dime and every single possession. Six years of their lives wasted living in limbo and litigation, so so sad.

I say good for you OP, getting control of your life and sanity is much more important than who gets the pots and pans. The sooner you can move on with your life the better. Best wishes!


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @Mucc ~ don't fall for that "legal hooey" that his attorney is purporting to run with!

Let him try using that analogy in the courtroom ~ your attorney and the presiding judge will literally dine on his "legally-challenged" a$$! 

Unless a contract was signed by the both of you along with his parents, they don't really have a leg to stand on!*


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I agree about the wedding costs being BS but REALLY get the point of saying eff it and just get out. The longer you fight, the more the attorneys make. 

When my last divorce attorney bill hit 10k, I said eff it too and gave him the money he wanted although he didn't deserve it. 2 years and a penny more than 10k wasn't worth it to me. Hell...the 10k wasn't worth it but by then it was too late. 

All about them billable hours. Ugh. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Mucc (Oct 13, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> * @Mucc ~ don't fall for that "legal hooey" that his attorney is purporting to run with!
> 
> Let him try using that analogy in the courtroom ~ your attorney and the presiding judge will literally dine on his "legally-challenged" a$$!
> 
> Unless a contract was signed by the both of you along with his parents, they don't really have a leg to stand on!*


I agree that some of his arguments would fall flat if I did challenge him to court. My attorney said that legally, his advice would be to make him prove all this bs he is stating. However, we both agreed that it would cost me $$ upfront and will drag this out for many months. My sanity would be taken (it already is, I am such an emotional wreck having to deal with this). 

Honestly, my earning potential is 3-5x more than he will ever make. In the grand scheme of things the amount of money from him would mean nothing to me. There is the argument about he should pay his fair share. But really nothing in this relationship was fair. If it had been, I wouldn't be walking the path of divorce. 

I am knowingly let him walk away with much more than he deserves. In the end I hope that my karma will reward me and his will catch up to him. And my mom always says that maybe it is our good karma that prevented anything worse from happening, I could have been seriously hurt. What if it escalated to physical abuse. Given all that, I am walking away healthy, support system intact with a chance at happiness in life. 

All of that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. I do, I am human. I figure, I will just vent and that doesn't hurt anyone.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Mucc said:


> I agree that some of his arguments would fall flat if I did challenge him to court. My attorney said that legally, his advice would be to make him prove all this bs he is stating. However, we both agreed that it would cost me $$ upfront and will drag this out for many months. My sanity would be taken (it already is, I am such an emotional wreck having to deal with this).
> 
> Honestly, my earning potential is 3-5x more than he will ever make. In the grand scheme of things the amount of money from him would mean nothing to me. There is the argument about he should pay his fair share. But really nothing in this relationship was fair. If it had been, I wouldn't be walking the path of divorce.
> 
> ...



I think you are doing what is best for you, I applaud your ability to be logical and rational instead of letting emotions direct your coarse. My ex bragged about what she got out of our divorce, what most people don't know is I wrote out our settlement myself, I knew what it would take to get her out of my life and was willing to pay the price to get it done as quickly as possible. 

Sure you will be frustrated, and his team will feel they can take advantage of that. Let them feel like the big winners because they screwed you out of $10,000, in the scope of your life that money means nothing. Sanity, freedom, peace of mind and peaceful living are what's important, when you get there you will have no regrets.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I say fight for your fair share. Don't just roll over and give him everything. Then what ever you get you get. 


good luck!


----------

