# Done with TAM



## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Think I am done with this site for good. I think listening to this
site made me excaggerate my issues when they werent really that bad to begin with. It made me more obsessed. Yes it did open me up to communicate more but I don't want to create problems in a marraige that really was working pretty well for the last 23 years. Good Bye!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Goodbye and good luck


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

gmabcd, you need to bear in mind that the people on here can only go on what you write. Also, we don't know what is truly going on between you and your husband. Since we only get snapshots, we try to help out based on how we interpret your situation and fill in the blanks as best we can with our own personal experiences as a reference. So it's no surprise that you will hear a variety of viewpoints. Based on how well you know your husband, it will always be up to you on whether a fellow TAM member provided you with good, solid advice or if he/she misinterpreted your situation completely. After reading all the replies to your threads, you have to sift the info to see what makes sense and what doesn't. Each person's situation is different.

Good luck.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yeah, I'm done with TAM, too. Forget this place!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok, I'm back.

Didya miss me?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Since I've been here, I've learned a lot more on how women think, read e-books, even bought our first vibrator, been more alpha male and the list goes on. Overall, everyone here has taught me something and I am greatful but the learning is on going. Thanks TAM.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I know exactly how you're feeling. It's easy to get sucked in. It's easy to take other people's problems and project them onto your own relationship. I often read a post about some guy who's wife is denying him sex and it makes me mad at my own wife. Sometimes this happens within hours of her sexting me to come home for a nooner. Sigh. Reading these things just dredges up old resentments.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I know exactly how you're feeling. It's easy to get sucked in. It's easy to take other people's problems and project them onto your own relationship. I often read a post about some guy who's wife is denying him sex and it makes me mad at my own wife. Sometimes this happens within hours of her sexting me to come home for a nooner. Sigh. Reading these things just dredges up old resentments.


Case in point. Having someone mention that they have a wife who sexts them for nooners is not helping my view of my relationship at all. 

I've found both ends here. People in situations that make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, and others that make me want to roll the clock back 30 years and redirect my future. The feeling is very much like going to college - even if you can't soak up the whole experience, you sure get your eyes opened to the incredible diversity of human experience. That's overall probably a good thing, at least for your empathy.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I know exactly how you're feeling. It's easy to get sucked in. It's easy to take other people's problems and project them onto your own relationship. I often read a post about some guy who's wife is denying him sex and it makes me mad at my own wife. Sometimes this happens within hours of her sexting me to come home for a nooner. Sigh. Reading these things just dredges up old resentments.


Yep. And also I find myself getting very angry at the cheating spouse, the spouses withholding sex and the spouses trying to get get outsiders into their marriage. My wife and I had a nooner today, and it took me a second to realize that she's nothing like most of the wives we read about - with most of the active TAM wives posting on here excluded of course.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

gmabcd said:


> Think I am done with this site for good. I think listening to this
> site made me excaggerate my issues when they werent really that bad to begin with. It made me more obsessed. Yes it did open me up to communicate more but I don't want to create problems in a marraige that really was working pretty well for the last 23 years. Good Bye!


So you had to make a thread and let us know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

What, your leaving? OK Bye!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok, I'm back.
> 
> Didya miss me?


I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. 

Then you were back.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Aw thanks, Entropy! I missed you, too. (fist bump)

Now gimme my Batman costume back, you've had it long enough. Doesn't fit you anyway, gotta have real boobs to fill that thing out.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Aw thanks, Entropy! I missed you, too. (fist bump)
> 
> Now gimme my Batman costume back, you've had it long enough. Doesn't fit you anyway, gotta have real boobs to fill that thing out.


Indeed.

Actually in all sincerity it fits me like a glove ... or rather bat armor. Throughout my career, when things go to hell ... I am the one they call. I enable them by going into hero mode and saving the day. It is who I am. Somebodies gotta do it. 










How about Barbarella? 

Men do not have a monopoly on heroics.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Case in point. Having someone mention that they have a wife who sexts them for nooners is not helping my view of my relationship at all.
> 
> I've found both ends here. People in situations that make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, and others that make me want to roll the clock back 30 years and redirect my future. The feeling is very much like going to college - even if you can't soak up the whole experience, you sure get your eyes opened to the incredible diversity of human experience. That's overall probably a good thing, at least for your empathy.


And I get so sad when I read about husbands who talk endlessly about how much they adore their wives, how beautiful their wives are, how much they enjoy bringing them little tokens or flowers... Yea totally pisses me off! I'm leaving too!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No Anon, come back, come back!!!!

oh wait....

You're back.

Phew! You scared me.


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## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> And I get so sad when I read about husbands who talk endlessly about how much they adore their wives, how beautiful their wives are, how much they enjoy bringing them little tokens or flowers... Yea totally pisses me off! I'm leaving too!


Back just for this post LOL> Yes I see others feel as I do. Every man and women have their strengths and weakness. Tired of trying to make a problem of something that may not even exist.
My husband would never come back for a nooner because he is busy working. Thank god I have a husband who is a fantastic family man and fantastic provider. Sometimes things get in the way of one's sex life. Life goes in cycles and we definetely have had our ups and downs but mostly ups. So I will not dwell on down cycles when they do exist. Just always looking for the upcycles in life. They make it worth it!!!!!!!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well sorry guys but I'm staying. I have a solid agenda of letting others know that there is life after a sexless marriage and for those that want out that they can do it with some hard work.

At the same time it is really cathartic because even the term "sex in marriage" was a misnomer in my past life.

All the best OP, I hope you find only peace and happiness in your life.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

I would like to know what you missed,needed,or wanted,and so richly deserved,that you didn't get from your mate. after 50 yrs. mine seems perfect. thank youTAM for the dialogue. God bless all of you.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

People of the old generation where very busy with the question of sex before marriage.

They should have been told the question should be 'is there sex _after_ marriage'


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I have learned a lot through TAM. I came here with a specific problem to resolve and it has opened my eyes. I see a lot of room for improvement from me in my marriage. That is the value I've gotten from it.

I will admit that it has made me question some things that didn't need question. Despite our problems, my wife has always been an extremely trustworthy person. She has never really given a reason to doubt her. Since reading TAM though, I have thought "huh ... maybe I need to check her text/call history and email ... just in case". Given our problems I do think a case could be made she'd have opportunity, motive and means that would be enough for many women I know who do not have as strong a moral compass as my wife to go outside of marriage. I have checked ... and the results were exactly what I expected, finding absolutely nothing to make me question her. 

So yes, I am conscious that the situations discussed on TAM could incorrectly influence my perception of issues in my own marriage.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Maybe done, maybe not.

"Current Activity: Viewing Thread Hand Jobs"


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

GTdad said:


> Maybe done, maybe not.
> 
> "Current Activity: Viewing Thread Hand Jobs"


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Case in point. Having someone mention that they have a wife who sexts them for nooners is not helping my view of my relationship at all.
> 
> I've found both ends here. People in situations that make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, and others that make me want to roll the clock back 30 years and redirect my future. The feeling is very much like going to college - even if you can't soak up the whole experience, you sure get your eyes opened to the incredible diversity of human experience. That's overall probably a good thing, at least for your empathy.


Im the same way except rarely do I feel "jealous" I just wish I 'knew then what I know now" kind of feeling regretting my own past actions or not knowing how to handle his f** ups or our diferences because I KNEW NOTHING !I often wish I had a "do over" but I'm sure most do...but I do sometimes get "angry" when I see or hear the same sort of "attitude" that has hurt me in the past that my husband has done or even currently.I feel more of that than what I "wish he was like".More like I wish he "realized" I'm not a freak because others are hurt by this so Im "normal".

Anyway mostly I enjoy expressing my thoughts and talking to people..for the most part it thickens my skin.As you said "eyes opened".I know I have lost and rejected most stereotypes I held.One of the biggest ones was the ONLY reason a guy would turn down sex with a woman(basically any woman) is because hes gay.I actually believed that until I was around 35..I learned otherwise on forums.:smthumbup:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:




sorry..I cant stand a grand exit ..Like the teenager that says I'm LEAVING and packs some things and storms out ..then an hour later comes back and ask for a pillow.(a $100 pillow to boot!)


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Anon, best laugh all day!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

GMABCD, sorry, I wish you well 

I'd only been on here for a few days before realizing that half the human race could have borderline personality disorder....

Get out while you can! ;;;;;


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

I go in spurts... a few weeks on a few months off.

less is more.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Wow overall I read stuff here and am reminded how blessed I am in my life. I've made a lot of the mistakes I see posted here over and over and I've learned a ton from them. Always room for improvement


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Only you know what will work in your marriage and what won't. If you don't have the capacity for sifting through the advice that's given to you and discerning between what will work and what won't, then maybe it is best that you're not on a forum. I've had a lot of advice given to me and a lot of things said to me over the last few years on more than one forum that, for others, may have been great advice but, for me and my husband, was horrible. Some times there were good points that made me rethink things, and at times it was a blatant, "Nope, that's no good." 

I, personally, am very thankful for this site. I doubt my husband and I would have read HNHN if I hadn't joined this forum, and since reading that book, our relationship has continued to improve. So I'll be sticking around.  I wish you, OP, good luck.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I understand...

All I get in my thread is Dump her and she is screwing someone. 

I asked my wife (who I am still separated from ) if she is screwing someone since I'm not getting any from her [which seems to be the common consensus on TAM]. She said she doesn't need to .. she has a vibrator. Why do i need to be screwing someone. 

Very rarely is it.. " Good for you to work on your relationship" most of it is " Dude.. face it.. some guy at work is banging her.. and if it isn't at work.. it's some dude she knows.. Her attitude will never change.. dump her.. divorce the mother of your children that agreed to MC."

I am REALLY close to finding another place to discuss the issues with my wife that doesn't make me feel worse than I already do.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

It is very easy for someone to say "leave them." Almost like they think you want them to say it to you. But it's understandable of they don't know every little detail about your marriage.


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

I think reading these forums makes you realize how many people have similar issues to yours but if it seems to exaggerate your problems, leaving probably is best.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Heheh

I'm very disappointed at never knowing about this site until a year or so ago. Had I known about it ten years ago it would have saved me a huge amount of heartache and pain. Just unlucky I guess 

This may sound a bit mad but I'm completely serious when I say that all prospective couples should be enforced to read up on a site like TAM. 

Again it would I think save an awful lot of heartache for so many

Should be Pre Wedding / engagement vow! 

"I do solemnly swear to read the TAM scriptures and learn from them"  

But seriously how many couples reading this site _before they got married_ could take a lot from it that may help them later - millions I'd say


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I can say that I have met a close friend through TAM. She live about 900 miles away but has been my number one friend through my process. We have chatted many times a week since the break up of my marriage since last July.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I always wonder why those who leave forums have the need to announce it. When I leave an online community, I just leave without drama. Maybe they like the attention?


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I know mine is part of my codependancy issues. 

I suppose I look for the " Please don't go" ... much like in my marriage..[not working so well]


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> I know mine is part of my codependancy issues.
> 
> I suppose I look for the " Please don't go" ... much like in my marriage..[not working so well]


Oh hell, here. 

rayLEASE stay! Pretty please?


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

OK.. I'll stay LouAnn ha ha ha ha ha


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