# I just need some help.



## A9790 (Jan 4, 2013)

Just recently my husband has started acting funny. I've been having feelings of him being off so I did The forbidden thing and snooped through his phone and computer. Low and behold I find pictures of the ex gf and previous employees. These are all women and girls I have met in person. Usually on accident. Some were just naked others were nasty hardcore porno pics. Now I don't have a problem with him watching porn since these are women he does not know and will never meet. He's grown man, so why bother. But these are people he knows and can easily get a hold of and talk to. He for some odd reason feels a need to stay in contact with these women that aren't a part of his life anymore. He feels and claims they are just pics but to be quite honest they are trophies and memories he can easily relive. I mean the file was named "mine". We have no children at all. At this point every time I look at him I just cant get past this. It disgusts me. He swears on everything nothing has ever happened. Honestly, I just need to know what I should do to get back to the way I felt before this. An outside source other than family is needed.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Naked pics of previous employees?

Ummmm...huh?

How did he obtain these pictures?

How long have you been married?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You are married, looking at his computer and or phone should not be forbidden. Does he forbid that activity?

Sorry for the question, just looking for some more information.

WD


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are these pictures from before you were married or after?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he has that type of picture of these women he has had inappropriate relationships with them. Why else would they be giving him such photos?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It makes no difference. Having these pics means he solicited them. That shows a total lack of respect for you and your marriage. But allowing him to watch porn in some small way encourages all this. Not that it is your fault in any way, but he needs margins and boundaries that are far better than allowing porn. 

My thinking is to met with a counselor, set agreed on boundaries and some sort of accountability to see he sticks to it. Otherwise these are stormy waters you're swimming in.


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## A9790 (Jan 4, 2013)

He's one of those people that love to talk and has to be flirtatious. I've let him know I'm not gunna tolerate the bs. He had a young girl working for him and his story is, is that she sent them to him so he said "ooohh more" and she send much more graphic pics. They were sent back in Nov 2011 I found them this year in Nov. He used to be a manager for a corrupt company so these were things he could easily get away with. We've been married sin Sept 2012.

Its never been a forbidden thing to me since what's mine is yours but in his previous marriage she used and abused him and constantly looked for things to fight about. They married for the wrong reasons so he's translating it to our marriage in a way i suppose.


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## A9790 (Jan 4, 2013)

The ones from his exes are before and the one from an employee is from while we were dating just before we got engaged.

Ive been so frustrated with him that I literally threatened divorce and taking everything. He kept lying to my face it took three times for him to give up the file and delete it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A9790 said:


> He's one of those people that love to talk and has to be flirtatious. I've let him know I'm not gunna tolerate the bs.


Ummm, but you are tolerating it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe he's lying to you about what his previous marriage was like.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

turnera said:


> Maybe he's lying to you about what his previous marriage was like.


Bingo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A9790 said:


> The ones from his exes are before and the one from an employee is from while we were dating just before we got engaged.
> 
> Ive been so frustrated with him that I literally threatened divorce and taking everything. He kept lying to my face it took three times for him to give up the file and delete it.


Learn to argue more convincingly. You have only been married since September. In a divorce you are only entitled to 1/2 of the assets that have been accumulated since you got married. Unless the two fo you won the lottery in that time, the new accumulation since you married is not that much.

So threatening to take everything is an empty threat. He's been through a divorce right? So he probably knows this and finds your threat silly.

Just tell him that you will not stay married to a man who keeps photos of women he knows. With your husband I would also say that keeping relationships with these women is out of the question as well.

How old was this young "lady" who sent him all those photos?


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## A9790 (Jan 4, 2013)

We did know each other when he was with her and when he went through his divorce. Unfortunately she did take almost everything he had except for what was in the bank account. Of course the were material possessions. I personally wouldn't do it but in the heat of the moment I don't know how to think before I say it. Since we've talked about everything all ties have been cut with these women and when in public with me at least he's stayed in line when talking to other women.
I do know she was at least 18 since you would have to be to work there. The sad part is, is that there was at least four different women and I've met at least 3 of them in public, since we have bumped into them, before I found all these photos.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Did he cheat on his 1st wife with you?

Does he still work in an environment with attractive young women?


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## A9790 (Jan 4, 2013)

No they were separated when we got together.
He now works in a warehouse with burly men.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

A9790 said:


> No they were separated when we got together.
> He now works in a warehouse with burly men.


Seperated = still married = yes, you were his adultery partner.


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