# I can't blame her, We've Talked, Still Nothing! No what?



## shallwedance22 (Aug 24, 2010)

Hey everyone, first let me start by saying anyone who is reading this thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to help a complete stranger. I will do my best to keep this short short

About us: both 25 married for over 2 years have been dating since freshmen year of high school. 11 total years. She is currently a medical student and I work in business. My wife is currently a medical student and works in an extremely stressful and extremely time consuming career and so do I. By no reason do I believe my wife is a "bad" wife. She is fantastic, she is smart, and outgoing, and amazing to be around, I love her family, she puts up with all my bull crap and all around she is a fantastic wife. My entire life I knew she wanted to be a medical student and I devoted my life to letting her chase her dream. I attended a college near hers because I couldn't get into the one she was at. I went into business because I knew that I would need to be able to move companies when she got into a medical school, into a residency, then becomes a full time physician. I support her financially as she does not have time to hold a job with being a student. But, Over the past 2 years my wife has started changing. Primarily her weight but also her confidence level and the way she treats me. When we first met she was 5' 3" 120 and now she is 167 pounds. She has gained the addition 40 within the past 4 years. I do not and can't blame her for her weight gain because I understand how difficult the lifestyle of a medical student us. She has terrible hours, loads of stress, no set eating schedules. 

I am quite active and like being fit 5'10" 183 and in good shape and my health and fitness level is something I must do to keep myself happy, I went through a large weight gain during our engagement of my marriage and I hated myself. I became depressed and drank a lot and all around was miserable.

As the older she gets the more then changes have happened. I have spoken to her 4 - 7 separate times about how I have noticed her weight gain, loss of confidence, etc. etc. and I have put so much effort into helping her re-gain that. I have paid for multiple gym memberships for her, I have tried to include her in my runs and workouts, I try to cook healthier food (then she just snacks on junk inbetween meals), I have tried to educate her about weight management. Then when she does put an effort towards it she feels intimidated tells me that she "Hates Exercising" . So, After those things didn't work I tried just being there for her and letting her remove the stress through communication to make sure she wasn't taking her stress out by eating. I removed all stresses outside of school, I did all the bills, all the housework and all errands but sadly nothing worked and the weight gain continued. 

After 2 years of conversations and multiple attempts I have gotten to the point where I am burned out. I do not want to lose her as my wife and I Love my wife more than anything in the world but sadly my physical attraction (please not only physical emotionally and spiritually i love her) but physically it is almost completely gone. I do not want to be in a marriage where I can not get aroused by the sight of my wife as I do not believe it is fair towards her or myself. She does have a decent sex drive and wants to have sex with me but sadly i can't feel the same towards her. So i guess the question i need to ask is if this situation doesn't change should I just expect to me in a sexless marriage?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"So i guess the question i need to ask is if this situation doesn't change should I just expect to me in a sexless marriage?"

Only you can answer that.

I sense that it is not only the weight but also a lack of wanting to be better herself that ticks you off.

And it's fair to address it now since her internship and medical practice will continue to be stressful.

I would ask her to see outside help. if she won't go, go alone and let her know that you are going because you want this marriage to work.


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