# What makes you love your spouse?



## Curious_Guy

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?

How long have you been married?

What does he/she do that turns you on?

Is the sex great?

Was there ever infidelity?

Were you married prior to your current spouse?

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?


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## Coffee Amore

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?*

No, I don't. I don't think we're destined to be with someone just for us. I think there are many people with whom I could have been compatible, but it just so happened my path crossed with my boyfriend who is now my husband. We are very compatible though. 

*How long have you been married? * A long time! We've been together for two decades now if you include the time before marriage. 

*What does he/she do that turns you on?* His physical fitness, his appearance, his walk, the jokes he makes, his deep knowledge of certain subjects, his general personality..

*Is the sex great? * Yes. He's very skilled and generous. I have no complaints in this area. Sometimes when I read threads in the sex forum about other couples, I count myself very lucky that we don't have those problems.

*Was there ever infidelity?* No, to the best of my knowledge he hasn't cheated and I doubt he will because of his parent's bitter divorce. I know I haven't cheated. 

*Were you married prior to your current spouse? *No..this is the first marriage for both of us.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?* I am an atheist so blessed is not the right word for what I feel. I feel lucky beyond belief to have him for my husband. I think he's the best husband of all the husbands I know amongst my friends, colleagues. Of course I'm biased and I know that, but he is a really amazing husband, father, brother, son and friend.


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## SimplyAmorous

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates? Although I don't personally believe in the soul mate concept ... and have explained *why* on this forum *>>* 
*(*post #14 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relati...out-being-soulmates-opinions-appreciated.html *)*...My husband always calls me his Soulmate, his last post on this forum, his 2nd sentence was


> *SA's Husband said:* 31 years ago I met my soulmate


...It's not like I am going to correct him or try to argue..I find it endearing...it implies he feels greatly attached to me / we're best friends as well as lovers & we're right where we are supposed to be. 

How long have you been married? We just celebrated our 24th Anniversary days ago. 

What does he/she do that turns you on? The way my husband Treats me, he makes me feel the most beautiful woman alive -which lifts me up to freely BE.. flirt /tease and sexually gravitate to him always...this puts an ongoing "passion" in us towards each other... his natural romanticism (he is a sensitive very loving/ giving man) is something I crave...and when I treat him good... this flows...

I don't always appreciate some people's sense of humor, I don't get their Jokes & may even think they are an A-hole... but I dearly LOVE & have always enjoyed my husband's DRY / a little devious sense of humor....he can spring the craziest comments on me -even when I am upset....he has a way of always getting me to :rofl: AT MYSELF - in an unruly moment flooding me with "acceptance"......which is something I NEED in a man. I still find him very attractive after all these yrs....and I tend to be a "visual" maiden ... telling him he looks HOT in his blue jeans & work boots. 

Is the sex great? My husband is a "Making Love" man, songs like this were made for his type >> Slow Hand ...being the sensual Romantic I am, this keeps me very satisfied....I nearly never miss an orgasm.... So the  is wonderful... doesn't matter if we do the same thing over & over & over, it is always fresh ~ anticipated. .... it's the *emotional connection* we both crave ...this more so drives us these days..... although I have wanted more "aggressiveness" ...a little more ROUGH out of him (some of my threads here)... I can easily live WITH THIS...as I have his desire & the man loves sex! .... If not, we'd be having some issues. 

Was there ever infidelity? No... and we've only been with each other also... I was 15 when we met, he was 18...high school sweethearts. 

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only? This song captures my  ... 
I Could Not Ask For More .... why I did the thread below in my signature ...because I do feel SO blessed. I did take him for granted at one time (a little..never too bad)...I've lived and learned. 

I pray we live to be in our Rocking chairs together..that he will always be my one & only... I wouldn't enjoy being alone if something happened to him, I'd put myself on the market and I'm afraid I'd have one rude awakening - in regards to men -if that ever happened... because of what I have always known.


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## meson

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?* No.

I've never liked the term soul mates. It causes people to think that is love is only fate and all you need to do is wait and you will find a mate. Then if it doesn't work out you weren't really soul mates anyway. I don't think its a useful concept. A better concept that describes the similarity of the couple would be kindred spirits. We are very similar in so many things that we are almost like kin.


*How long have you been married?* In two and a half weeks it will be 24 years.

*What does he/she do that turns you on?* She's intelligent and not afraid to speak up.

*Is the sex great?* Sex is good.

*Was there ever infidelity?* I was in a one sided EA.

*Were you married prior to your current spouse?* No.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only? *
Yes! She is my one and only.


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## greenpearl

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> 
> We are best friends for each other. We spend a lot of time together and we want to spend our time with each other. We don't care where we are as long as we are together.
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> Over eight years.
> 
> What does he/she do that turns you on?
> 
> 
> He is confident, responsible, and mild. He dresses very neatly and grooms himself very well. He keeps himself in good shape. He is firm with me with I am unreasonable. He always compliments me, tells me I look beautiful and sexy, tells me I am a good wife for him, tells me I complete his life. He also does lots of small things for me and those small things remind me constantly he loves me and I am important for him.
> 
> Is the sex great?
> 
> We have a great sex life. From a few times a day to a few times a week, as much as we want. We love to please each other sexually.
> 
> Was there ever infidelity?
> 
> We are very faithful to each other. After we got married, I have never wanted to give another man a second glance. I am pretty content and happy with our life.
> 
> Were you married prior to your current spouse?
> 
> I was married once before. A big mistake I made in my early life. The failure I had before makes me appreciate my current marriage a lot more. I am determined to do everything right to make our marriage happy forever.
> 
> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?
> 
> I consider myself very blessed that I met my husband and we get to spend our life together. My happiness started after I met my husband. And it has been happy ever since. I am looking forward to many more happy years to come.


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## unbelievable

I make me love my wife. It's my daily choice. It's something I promised to do and it's what I expect from myself. My decision doesn't depend on how I happen to feel or how she happens to treat me.


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## anotherguy

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
Hmmm. We are quite different. On some things we are very close..on others..not so much. 'Soul Mates'? I dont know, so I guess the answer is no. Depends on how you define soul mates I guess.

How long have you been married?
20 yrs. Together 25.

What does he/she do that turns you on?
Wow.. I mean you arent looking for specifics are you?  

Is the sex great?
It is. It is frequent and satisfying. I think its getting better as we get older, which is hard to believe, frankly.

Was there ever infidelity?
No.

Were you married prior to your current spouse?
No.

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person?
Yes indeed. I am learning, as the years go by - about how lucky I actually am.

He/she is your one and only?
This is a question I hear a lot. I remember someone I know saying something like 'im not getting married unless I can say that she is the end-all be-all of my life' and similar things.

Fact is, we get along and find it very easy to be married and have been together 25 years now so its starting to feel like we are in it for the long haul. 'one and only'? I dont know, maybe so. I DO feel lucky to have someone that I respect, that I love, that seems to be a certain kind of ying to go with my yang, who has a certain different kind of wisdom than I, that puts up with me (and I her) and puts in as much effort into the replationship as I do. That has turned into a great mother to our kids and is someone I can depend on and trust completely and she on me.

I find this question strange sometimes because the people that ask me this are often younger or considering marriage and want to make the right choice and want to know how to 'know' they are making the right choice and how to find 'the one'... but I believe you just dont know. You may not really, really REALLY know the other person until you have been together 10 years.. and then after that you both change in some ways so maintaining a relatinship can be a moving target. Life changes. People change. 

So it seems I have found my one and only - and I couldnt be happier about it - but if I was 100%, brutally honest - I have to say that wasnt something I ever really conciously thought about. Truth be told - I married her out of fear that if I didnt I would lose her.. is that the same thing? Perhaps its just symantics.


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## firefly789

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?*

I don't believe in soul mates, but he is the love of my life.
*
How long have you been married?*

24 years.

*What does he/she do that turns you on?*

Hmmmm. He always puts me first. In bed, my pleasure comes before his. In fact, my pleasure makes his pleasure greater. I ALWAYS have an O. Does this turn me on? Yes.

*Is the sex great?*

It is good. He is my one and only, so I have nothing to compare it to. But, this is a good thing for me.

*Was there ever infidelity?*

No, not for us. Previous: yes.

*Were you married prior to your current spouse?*

He was. His ex was not faithful. I am his second wife. I am 10 years younger and have always been faithful, as has he.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? *

Yes, I love him, respect him, am comfortable with him, rely on him, and am friends with him. Did I say I love him, too? When he is away, I don't sleep as well. When he's here, I have him come to bed when I do, even if we don't have sex, because I sleep better when he is near me. He balances me.

*He/she is your one and only?*

Yes, he is. I am his second wife, but I know he loves me with "every speck of his heart" as he has told me.


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## Fozzy

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> Don't believe in soul mates, but i can't even imagine myself with anyone else.
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 11 years married, together 19.
> 
> What does he/she do that turns you on?
> She's all I want. 'nuff said.
> 
> Is the sex great?
> When it happens, yes.
> 
> Was there ever infidelity?
> Never.
> 
> Were you married prior to your current spouse?
> Nope.
> 
> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person?
> Hell yes.
> 
> He/she is your one and only?
> First, only, and forever.


*Edit *

I feel I need to write more on this one.
We have our problems, God know. But that said, I love my wife more than anything. She's what makes me keep going every day. There isn't ANYTHING I wouldn't do to keep her in my life. 

I love my family, my kids especially, but my wife has always provided so much meaning to my life--she's always been my center, ever since I've known her. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Realistically, we don't meet each other's needs 100%, but I've never doubted her willingness to try. It's difficult for both of us, but we keep trying. That's what really proves our love, isn't it?


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## Foghorn

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> 
> *Yes.*
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> *16 yrs*
> 
> What does he/she do that turns you on?
> 
> *He's smarter than me.*
> 
> Is the sex great?
> 
> *Most of the time.*
> 
> Was there ever infidelity?
> 
> *Absolutely not.*
> 
> Were you married prior to your current spouse?
> 
> *No. *
> 
> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?
> 
> *Yes, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.*


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## CarefulinNY

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates? - Don't believe in soul-mates but I really love her and she really loves me.

How long have you been married? - 12 years

What does he/she do that turns you on? - She takes real good care of herself.

Is the sex great? - 75% of the time.

Was there ever infidelity? - No

Were you married prior to your current spouse? -No

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only? - I am very fortunate to be married to her. There are 3 billion women on the earth, I am sure a handful of them would make me as happy as she does.


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## dormant

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?* No

*How long have you been married?* 14 Years

*What does he/she do that turns you on?* Nothing

*Is the sex great?* We're not compatible

*Was there ever infidelity?* Yes, I had affair about 8 years ago.

*Were you married prior to your current spouse?* Twice

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person?* No

*He/she is your one and only?* Not at all


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## Skate Daddy 9

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
No but we have grown into a great couple and great parents. (IMO)

How long have you been married?
21 Years

What does he/she do that turns you on?
She is still very beautiful.

Is the sex great?
No

Was there ever infidelity?
No

Were you married prior to your current spouse?
No

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? 
He/she is your one and only? 
I am very blessed to be with a woman who has high standards, loves her kids and puts her family first. Sometimes when I see a eHarmony commercial I think to myself that I bet I would be matched up with my wife if her and I filled out a profile.


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## SScaterpillar

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
First, I'd like to explain my idea of "soul mates". I had a soul mate before. He was my everything. He was my best friend and he loved me with a passion that not many get to experience. I loved him the same. He came to me at a time where I was at a crossroads - I wanted to die. He taught me that I was worthwhile and a loving, wonderful human being. He effectively saved my life at that point. He was my angel. We dated for years as teens/young adults. We broke up with much upset, because we knew our religious differences would only lead us to resentment. We still continued to see each other every day and continued to be best friends. Two months later, he was killed in an accident. I know that I wasn't meant to be his wife, but he most certainly was a soul mate. I do believe he was my angel.

My husband is also a soul mate. We came into one another's life at a time that was unexpected, yet perfect. We are each other's biggest cheerleader. We support one another to no end and will fight for each other. He makes my life better and he makes me better. That, to me, is a soul mate.

How long have you been married?
We have been together for 10 years. We started living together after only 1 month of dating. We have legally been married for almost 7 years.

What does he/she do that turns you on?
When he is vulnerable, especially with our son. That's when I get to see the "him" that not everyone gets to see. That turns me on.

Is the sex great?
It is now, but it wasn't for a very long time. I suffered sexual abuse and rape at every point in my life. I finally sought counseling 3 years ago and just recently had a major breakthrough. Our sex life is now amazing. Finally.

Was there ever infidelity?
Not at all. We both suffered infidelity in previous relationships, but not with one another.

Were you married prior to your current spouse?
No, but my husband was.

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?
He most absolutely is my one and only. There are three things that have happened to me that changed my life for the positive, thus the "greatest things to ever happen". First was my late boyfriend/angel. Then, meeting my husband. Last, having our son. When we look back we realize that everything in our lives led us right where we are today. It all happened for a reason. The good and the bad. Without the bad, we wouldn't know what good really is. We certainly know now. We have our moments, but they are very rare. We are one of those couples that people see and think, "I wish I could find that." We aren't squishy and lovey-dovey. We are sarcastic with one another - it's our "love language". But, the devotion we have for one another is apparent...always.


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## SimplyAmorous

SScaterpillar said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> First, I'd like to explain my idea of "soul mates". I had a soul mate before. He was my everything. He was my best friend and he loved me with a passion that not many get to experience. I loved him the same. He came to me at a time where I was at a crossroads - I wanted to die. He taught me that I was worthwhile and a loving, wonderful human being. He effectively saved my life at that point. He was my angel. We dated for years as teens/young adults. We broke up with much upset, because we knew our religious differences would only lead us to resentment. We still continued to see each other every day and continued to be best friends. Two months later, he was killed in an accident. I know that I wasn't meant to be his wife, but he most certainly was a soul mate. I do believe he was my angel.


 I had a feeling as I was reading this....the ending wasn't going to be so pretty ... I feel when the term is used by someone like yourself, you bring it justice... and we can feel how strongly that tie was...the bond...That is wonderful you can look back upon this person in such a beautiful light -as you do....and Your husband as well. 



> *johnAdams said*: Yes. *Per Wikipedia "A soulmate (or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust."*


 Thank you for adding this as well... This is how I would see the term also, it does not offend me. 

I have come to the conclusion from reading many posts -in regards to using the term "Soul mate"....it appears those who are more Romantically and spiritually inclined...are more apt to use this term...and find it endearing somehow... others just don't like it...just as some feel the word "need" is "needy" and weak , and should never be used in relationships, that we should never "NEED" another human being, but only *desire* or *want* them.....I think that's all silly....personally... I adore Love songs that speak about needing each other...it's a spiritual expression of deep wanting / cherishing love -like this Peter Cetera song ....mentions the soul too...

YOU'RE THE INSPIRATION - YouTube



> Always on my mind
> in my heart
> in my soul baby.
> You're the meaning in my life
> you're the inspiration.
> You bring feeling to my life
> you're the inspiration.
> Wanna have you near me
> I wanna have you hear me sayin':
> No one needs you more than I need you.


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## hambone

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?*

Yes...

*How long have you been married?*

20+ years

*What does he/she do that turns you on?*

Her smile, her laughter, her personality, her eyes, face, and those two huge lumps on her chest. 

*
Is the sex great?*

Yes

*
Was there ever infidelity?*

Never


*Were you married prior to your current spouse?*

Both of us were.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? *

Oh... God has given me the perfect help mate. My best friend, best lover. My life smoothed out when I met her.


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## LadyDee

_Do you believe you two are truly soul mates? _

If I can go by this description of a soul mate, my answer is YES.

*A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.*


_How long have you been married? _

42 yrs. together 47 yrs.


_What does he/she do that turns you on? _

Just being him and all that he does, a very giving man! 


_
Is the sex great? _

Good, but we continue to meet the obstacles that come about to keep it that way! HaHa, the older we get the more obstacles *arise*


_Was there ever infidelity? _

Never for either of us.



_Were you married prior to your current spouse? _

Never, we met when we were very young, married and had a family, to whom we are both committed.


_Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?_

I could never think about being with someone else that I would be as comfortable and open as this man. We have been blessed in so many ways and when I think about ever losing him, it makes me sad because I know I would never be able to replace the man/lover/father/grandfather that he is. When he goes away for a couple days and I am left in my own quiet world, I think about that a lot and know that I certainly do not want to even have to consider this for a very long time … I don't know if I could trust anyone else, the way I trust and love him! Even after all the obstacles we have overcome, I would not want anyone else.


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## skype

SimplyAmorous said:


>



Wow, Simply, I have never seen this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert before. It is truly profound. I think that marriage can be a catalyst for personal growth. 

My husband has challenged me and helped me to become a better person by not letting me pout and hold grudges, which was my defense against not getting my way. It was a hold-over from childhood hurts, and I am so happy that he helped me to see that holding on to resentments hurt me and our marriage.


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## Curious_Guy

Thanks for contributing to this thread guys!

There's so much people venting about bad marriages here on TAM that it's hard to focus on the good. 

Chances are, many of those in good marriages have no need to be on TAM unless those few want to share their success stories here.

And you guys gave good definitions on "soul mates" and gave me hope in finding a good marriage like you guys.


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## Convection

Excellent thread, can't believe I missed it to now. I love reading about the positive experiences here.


*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?* Not quite. I think we simply clicked better than anyone else we've ever met. Both of us are picky. I had never had a girlfriend longer than three months before her, with me instigating most of the breakups, and she turned down multiple marriage requests from past suitors. I think soul mates are just people who have personalities whose strengths and weaknesses complement each other better than most. We have that in spades.

*How long have you been married?* Married 15, together 17.

*What does he/she do that turns you on?* Her smile, her laugh, her soft kisses. Skin contact is electric between us, we are always touching each other. When we hug and she kisses my neck, it is all I can do not to throw her to the floor and take her right then (and I have, a few times). She has a terribly strong personality and about the only place she is submissive is in bed, so her feeling safe enough to be vulnerable (because she trusts me) there multiplies my passion many times over.

*Is the sex great?* When we're both focused, awesome. We've both been guilty of dialing in a performance in the past. Last few years have been a lot better.

*Was there ever infidelity?* No but there were some near misses on both parts. Our boundaries are 10x stronger now.

*Were you married prior to your current spouse?* I wasn't. She wasn't technically married but had some common-law arrangement with my stepson's father and lived with him for almost ten years. I usually just refer to him as her first husband for brevity.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person?* I feel incredibly blessed. She does too, she frequently says to me, "You're not perfect, Convection, but you are perfect for me." Ditto.

*He/she is your one and only?*I can't ever imagine getting married again. About the time I met her, I was drifting to the idea of never being married. Loner, perfectly comfortable on my own, like my independence. I might meet someone other than her that suited me as just as well but I doubt it; if anything, I have gotten more ornery and introverted over the years. But I love her, more than I love my independence and I have never felt that for another human being. She is it, she is my one and only.


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## Rayloveshiswife

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates? 

Buy the true definition of would mates, I'd say no. My wife is my first everything, when we met I was a 21year old virgin who had never even missed a girl. Looking back I probably married her because she opened me up to a world I never knew. I was probably more in love with the idea of her more than her herself. As such we went through some hard times, but we have come out the other side smiling, and more in love than ever. 

How long have you been married? 

Married almost 22, together +1

What does he/she do that turns you on?

I can honestly say that everything she does turns me on. I love her immensely, we are truely one soul and best friends. 

Is the sex great?

We just recently fixed a lot of problems in our marriage. It is currently AWSOME. Previous to that we were near sexless. We are
Both more committed than ever to go forward from where we are now and not return to past problems. 

Was there ever infidelity?

Not really. Never an affair on either of our parts, but I used to have a problem with porn and my wife consitter we that to be an emotional affair. 

Were you married prior to your current spouse? 

She was my one and only. She was married once previously for a year. I actually paid for her divorce (I offered, she never asked)

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? 

Hell yes. My only regret is that during most of our marriage both of us were either too stupid or too lazy to appreciate what was in front of us. I beleive we became lovers without ever being friends. This hurt our marriage in my opinion. I am her best friend, her husband, and her lover. In that order. We love spending time together. Camping in our 5th wheel coachmen is our drug of choice. 

He/she is your one and only?

She is the only one I have ever been with, I can't imagine being with anyone else. At one point in time this was a problem for me. I felt cheated because i married the first women i was with, but its a non issue now. Currently I know she is 100% dedicated to me with wants for anyone else. She has told me over the years she has never wanted anyone else but me. But we went through some dark times so I would not blame her for having second thoughts at one time or another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Curious_Guy

Hey lets add three more questions to the mix:

Did you have opportunities to cheat and were you tempted?

How does your children remind you of your spouse?

How much do you love your children in comparison with your spouse?

I'm called Curious Guy for a reason.


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## hambone

Curious_Guy said:


> Hey lets add three more questions to the mix:
> 
> Did you have opportunities to cheat and were you tempted?


Yes, I've had several women hit on me but I've never been tempted to cheat. I love my wife... love my family and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize a wonderful thing. I love and respect my wife way to much to hurt her like that.




Curious_Guy said:


> How does your children remind you of your spouse?


 They don't really... Both kids, especially my daughter, look like me. My daughter has some of my wife's better qualities. 




Curious_Guy said:


> How much do you love your children in comparison with your spouse?


It's a different kind of love. If I our lives were on the line. I'd give my life to save any or all of them. And if they all died... and I was left living... I seriously don't think I'd have the will to continue. I really don't. There simply wouldn't be any point. I have a wonderful family. I love and like my wife and the same for my kids. We enjoy spending time together. I have enjoyed every minute of raising our kids. 



Curious_Guy said:


> I'm called Curious Guy for a reason.


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## Coffee Amore

Curious_Guy;5005850 said:


> Hey lets add three more questions to the mix:
> 
> Did you have opportunities to cheat and were you tempted?


Yes, I've had opportunities. I've had a male colleague blatantly hit on me in an obvious way. This happened several times. I wasn't tempted. It's not because I'm so morally superior. I don't think I am. Maybe I just have better impulse control and I've seen what has happened to friends' marriages in the aftermath of affairs. 



Curious_Guy;5005850 said:


> How does your children remind you of your spouse?


Physical appearance, personalities, even certain mannerisms.



Curious_Guy;5005850 said:


> How much do you love your children in comparison with your spouse?


You really can't compare the two. It's different. Children I carried to term and gave birth to. They're biologically a part of me walking around on Earth. My husband is my family by choice. We've forged a past and a future together, but what I feel for him is a different kind of love from what I feel for children. There's no reason for either side to be jealous.


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## SimplyAmorous

Curious_Guy said:


> Did you have opportunities to cheat and were you tempted?


 Me & he enjoy doing most everything together... where he is , there am I ...or in close proximity...... . I was never one who cared about Girls Night out...and he was never one to hang at the Bar or with the guys.... 

I've never felt tempted or wanted anyone else. I can acknowledge that a couple of his guy friends were good looking but that is just normal.. there was no pull to secretly get to know them...or fantasizing going on..



> How does your children remind you of your spouse?


 I can see parts of him, parts of me.... I am a little more WIRED/ openly Enthusiastic over him...I appreciate the calmness in our sons (they get that from him)......We get a # of comments how our 2nd son looks like his Dad...and our youngest is the spitting image of him. 

Our 3rd son is the most introverted/ on the quiet side in school (not so much at home)... his on & off GF dumped him, so he is JADED now..thinks all women suck...he is probably the most like his dad.. .. Our daughter has a nice temperament like him..she adores her Dad...they are very close.



> How much do you love your children in comparison with your spouse?


 It's a different kind of love....with our kids, we want to protect.....give them every opportunity...

As he would do...save the last cookie...We want to provide them with wonderful memories, mentor them... so they have wings to fly someday on their own....this is our Joy in raising them..this blesses us.... 

But neither of us want to spend all our time with our kids, we'd rather them hang with their friends & we'll get off alone with each other...this is our excitement... Though we both highly enjoy our Family vacations....this is a great time!


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## heartsbeating

He always remembers pineapple on my pizza.


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## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> He always remembers pineapple on my pizza.


What a unique answer... we just ordered some pizza yesterday , and I got one with pineapple on it, one of my favorites too - with hot peppers !


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## romantic_guy

> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?


I don't believe that there in only one person meant for you,but yes, we are soul mates. Here is what I mean by the term:
We are better as a team than we would be separately.
We enjoy each other's company and have many common interests.
We would rather be with each other than with anyone else.
We think alike, talk alike, and finish each other's sentences.
We are best friends



> How long have you been married?


41 years last July. We met in high school. She got pregnant and we got married at 16 & 17.



> What does he/she do that turns you on?


Doesn't take much. She has the cutest little body! Her getting undressed is about all it takes. Oh yes, when she kisses me with her soft lips and pushes herself into me...I melt! Our first kiss was exactly like that.



> Is the sex great?


It can be. Not all marital sex is fireworks. Sometimes you are tired, or busy, and you just do it because it is important. Before her surgery, it was great most of the time. She had complications from a hysterectomy last March and she has not felt well since so we are down to about once a week. She is being tested for celiac disease and if that proves positive, it will explain why she has felt lousy for so long.



> Was there ever infidelity?


No...never.



> Were you married prior to your current spouse?


I guess I answered that already...unless I had gotten married at 12!



> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?


She is my one and only in every way including sex. I am extremely blessed. No one is perfect, but she comes close! I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to her. She has set the bar really high! Sure, there are little annoyances, but we have both chosen to overlook those annoyances in each other. If I had it to do over, I would not change a thing.


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## Curious_Guy

This is so sweet guys!

I'm a young guy so marriage is not close to me right now but lots of threads here at TAM makes me pretty nervous about marriage especially with so much issues dealing with divorce, infidelity, and financial problems.

But you guys made me hopeful and it's great to see married couples staying committed and positive. Better hope I find someone of those qualities.

I like to think God has someone waiting for me, just like He did for all you guys. :smthumbup:


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## Aoife

*Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?*
I wouldn't say soul mates, but we are best friends, and we have been best friends for a long time now.

*How long have you been married?*
Well, we've been living together for 15 years, but we've been married for 3 years.

*What does he/she do that turns you on?*
Everything. Anything. I'm not just in love with him. I'm also in lust with him.

*Is the sex great?
*It's great! And it has gotten better over the years.

*Was there ever infidelity?*
Well, we believe that fidelity and monogamy are two different things. We base fidelity on honesty. On that line of thought, no, there has never been infidelity. Are we a monogamous couple? No, we're not.

*Were you married prior to your current spouse?*
No, this is the first time for both of us.

*Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?*
Absolutely!


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## melw74

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> What does he/she do that turns you on?
> 
> Is the sex great?
> 
> Was there ever infidelity?
> 
> Were you married prior to your current spouse?
> 
> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?


Yes I believe hes my soul mate. 

Been married 6 years this April.

Yes the sex is great.

Never infidelity.

Never married before.

I am very very blessed to be married to my husband, I really do not know what i would do without him.


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## jld

Okay, I know this is selfish, but the reason I love my spouse is because of all his love for me. He started this whole relationship, lol. He is just super loving and kind, and I just don't think there is anything I can do to stop his loving me. 

When you're loved like that, just totally accepted, how can you not return that love?


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## Aoife

More questions! I like questions!

*Did you have opportunities to cheat and were you tempted?
*Not really. We often have sex with other people and it's something we love sharing. That's how our marriage works, so we've never felt the need to cheat and to be honest, this has made our marriage so much fun. It works for both of us!

*How does your children remind you of your spouse?*
We don't want any children.

*How much do you love your children in comparison with your spouse?*
See above


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## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> *Okay, I know this is selfish, but the reason I love my spouse is because of all his love for me. He started this whole relationship, lol. He is just super loving and kind, and I just don't think there is anything I can do to stop his loving me.
> 
> When you're loved like that, just totally accepted, how can you not return that love?*


This is how I fell in love with my husband /His treatment of me won me over...Oh there are things I could do to destroy his love ~ but why would I want to do that...

When I hear this song Because you loved me by Celine Dion  - it captures everything I feel...


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## arbitrator

*When you have married someone whom you love with your entire being and heart; someone who visibly seems to love you in much the same way, and both giving visible forgiveness to each others imperfections and limitations, not to mention an aura of unending trust and love.

And then to have that individual covertly commit gross conspiratory deception with some known or unknown third party, without even a scintilla of knowledge on your part, and then, either upon discovery or the clandestine continuance of their illicit relationship, to flippantly not give a single damn about your loving feelings for them, or any of the other affected loving family members ~ this is just totally too damn heartaching to think back on, and then to rationally answer!*


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## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is how I fell in love with my husband /His treatment of me won me over...Oh there are things I could do to destroy his love ~ but why would I want to do that...
> 
> When I hear this song Because you loved me by Celine Dion  - it captures everything I feel...


Thanks for sharing that song, SA. That was sweet.

I think it is almost impossible for a woman to resist a man's sincere, persistent love and acceptance of her. I could not do it, anyway, lol. 

I told dh every bad thing I could think of about myself when we started out, and then gradually showed him, too, lol. But the love just kept flowing to me. And I am so grateful!


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## jld

arbitrator said:


> *When you have married someone whom you love with your entire being and heart; someone who visibly seems to love you in much the same way, and both giving visible forgiveness to each others imperfections and limitations, not to mention an aura of unending trust and love.
> 
> And then to have that individual covertly commit gross conspiratory deception with some known or unknown third party, without even a scintilla of knowledge on your part, and then, either upon discovery or the clandestine continuance of their illicit relationship, to flippantly not give a single damn about your loving feelings for them, or any of the other affected loving family members ~ this is just totally too damn heartaching to think back on, and then to rationally answer!*


I am so sorry, arbitrator. I really don't know what to say. I hear your pain. I would hate myself if I hurt dh this way. I certainly would not deserve his forgiveness. But I know he would give it anyway.

Again, I am so sorry. You deserve genuine contrition from her. Fall on her knees, heartfelt begging for forgiveness contrition. I am so sorry you, and I am sure many other men in your position, have not yet gotten it.

I hope your next relationship will be filled with love and warmth and genuine respect. You and everyone else deserve this, and you should not settle for less. God bless.


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## arbitrator

jld said:


> I am so sorry, arbitrator. I really don't know what to say. I hear your pain. I would hate myself if I hurt dh this way. I certainly would not deserve his forgiveness. But I know he would give it anyway.
> 
> Again, I am so sorry. You deserve genuine contrition from her. Fall on her knees, heartfelt begging for forgiveness contrition. I am so sorry you, and I am sure many other men in your position, have not yet gotten it.
> 
> I hope your next relationship will be filled with love and warmth and genuine respect. You and everyone else deserve this, and you should not settle for less. God bless.


*I firmly believe that contrition on XW's part won't ever happen, jld! Not with her wealth and her self-serving attitude! But I do appreciate your condolences. That means a lot!

It just all seems to be so much more painful, more especially during the holidays! Thanks!*


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## jld

arbitrator said:


> *I firmly believe that contrition on XW's part won't ever happen, jld! Not with her wealth and her self-serving attitude! But I do appreciate your condolences. That means a lot!
> 
> It just all seems to be so much more painful, more especially during the holidays! Thanks!*


Well, there must be some benefit to not having much money, I guess. Dh and I have always had to work things out, lol.

Holidays can be tough, for many people, for many reasons. It is good you are here seeking support.

And the New Year is coming. We will trust that it will bring many good things to your life! Best wishes!


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## arbitrator

jld said:


> Holidays can be tough, for many people, for many reasons. It is good you are here seeking support.


*The absolutely great thing about TAM is that it is largely about "give and take." I'm here, in my own right, seeking counsel; but at the same time, I'm here to offer counsel to other hurting souls, both from an ecclesiastical and a common-sense standpoint.

TAM is such a great vehicle in which to be able to do that!*


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## over20

unbelievable said:


> I make me love my wife. It's my daily choice. It's something I promised to do and it's what I expect from myself. My decision doesn't depend on how I happen to feel or how she happens to treat me.



Wow, I admire your convictions. Love IS a daily choice. I think maybe commitment is the word I would use, especially during the valleys when one is not feeling the love. I think more people need to have your attitude, very noble.


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## over20

Soul mates no. I feel that anyone on this earth could find many people whom to marry. It's the commitment one takes to stay in love and live and grow with each other that creates the feeling of a soul mate.

Married 21 yrs with 4 kids

Sex is hot and fun but waxes and wanes from year to year

Infidelity, neither of us cheated, but I was propositioned by his best friend to have an affair. I struggled with thoughts of this man and confessed it to my husband. We set up better boundaries with people and have identified certain triggers that can lead us both to be tempted

This is our only marriage, high school sweethearts

I am not my husbands first lover, but he is mine

I do feel blessed to have him put in my life and he feels the same for me. Life is short and we are thankful for each day together


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## arbitrator

over20 said:


> *Infidelity, neither of us cheated, but I was propositioned by his best friend to have an affair. I struggled with thoughts of this man and confessed it to my husband.*


*And did your husband summarily deal with this potential propositioning OM in any way, after you made him aware of it?*


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## over20

arbitrator said:


> *And did your husband summarily deal with this potential propositioning OM in any way, after you made him aware of it?*


Yes he did. He called him on the phone and told him to "Go FxxK yourself and we aren't friends anymore". The tough part is we are all part of the same friend group. We have had to limit our time with the group to avoid the OM. The OM tried to say that I flirt to much and that it was my fault. Since hearing that I have reflected on my actions and realize I DO flirt to much, i.e. giving out to many hugs, a touch when talking to people, to many compliments. I feel ashamed of myself that I couldn't see it on my own.  My DH has since said that I DO flirt to much but that it doesn't bother him because he knows I love HIM.

I have changed my behavior. For example I do the "side hug" instead of frontal. That way no one can give that extra hard "squeeze" except my husband.

It's made our marriage stronger by talking about certain triggers that are tempting to both of us.


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## MickeyD

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?


No



> How long have you been married?


16 years



> What does he/she do that turns you on?


Nothing.



> Is the sex great?


Sex? What's that?



> Was there ever infidelity?


Not yet.



> Were you married prior to your current spouse?


No.



> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person?


She's okay, I wouldn't call it 'blessed'.



> He/she is your one and only?


I doubt it.


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## AlmostYoung

Curious_Guy said:


> Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
> 
> No, because there is no such thing as soul mates. A person I highly respect, Jack 3 beans, once said "the person in Hollywood who came up with the term 'soul mate' should be kicked in the junk" A little on the harsh side for me, but I agree with the sentiment.
> 
> Ever notice how cheating women waiting to end the M always found their soul mate? Ya, right.
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> 30 years. Top that!
> 
> What does he/she do that turns you on?
> 
> Tends to my needs and looks hot doing it.
> 
> Is the sex great?
> 
> Let's not talk about that right now!
> 
> Was there ever infidelity?
> 
> Nope
> 
> Were you married prior to your current spouse?
> 
> Both are in first M. Met at 16 (her) and 18.
> 
> Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?


Yes, and so far!


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## WyshIknew

Amongst many things the fact that she loves me.

Also the fact that she saw in an unloved young man the man I would be.


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## Duguesclin

Do you believe you two are truly soul mates?
Yes

How long have you been married?
20 Years

What does he/she do that turns you on?
Her intelllect, her body!

Is the sex great?
Better than ever.

Was there ever infidelity?
No

Were you married prior to your current spouse?
No

Overall, are you blessed that you're married to this person? He/she is your one and only?
I feel very lucky to have met her. We were always meant to be together. I am glad I waited.


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