# Gut feeling or intuition



## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?

For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most. 

How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

helolover said:


> Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?
> 
> For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.
> 
> How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?


The gut feeling I got was undeniable. It would not go away. I think it was because subconsciously I picked up on the subtle differences in my STBXW's behavior. That feeling drove me to dig...and to keep digging. I didn't understand the red flags at that time. I learned them from forums like TAM.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Don't ever ignore that gut feeling it always comes back to bite


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

The very first time during our marriage, I didn't realize anything was going on (or maybe I didn't want to) until my sister pointed it out. Once I figured it out, my intuition has been on fire since. Seriously, he would tell me that if "she" ever contacted him again, he would let me know immediately. He didn't always do that but I would know. I would just know something happened and would ask. With the second time, I was just more aware. I knew something was going on. Knew it! But, I couldn't end things without proof. I got it in spades.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

helolover said:


> Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, *how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?*


Arent these - two sides of the same coin? My view is that the second leads to the first one.



helolover said:


> For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.


I knew something was wrong and it stirred up the gut feeling.



helolover said:


> How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?


Her behaviour led me to wonder.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

For me, the signs were MUCH more obvious in retrospect.

I should've picked up on it better, yet I reasoned them away...
and just didn't connect the dots at the time.

Silly me... trusting my "soulmate" and "best friend" of 2 decades....

She also did a great job of hiding it while tearing me down, lashing out, 
threatening me with D and blaming me and her job for it. 

I knew she had been tampered with down there, I just assumed
that she was the one doing the tampering herself as our sex life
didn't slow down one bit during her 2 mo A.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

had a very strong gut feeling, ignored it
it wasn't until I came to TAM that I recognised even more of the signs
six months later and divorced and he still denies it


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I knew something was wrong, but thought it was just his porn addiction and my failures (believed his criticisms of me fully). Found out by accident that it was more, but I had been vigilant because he was acting shady. Blindsided, probably because I ignored the gut feeling that something was amiss.


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## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

Totally and absolutely blindsided - had not the slightest suspicion.


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

I knew the minute it started up, but had no evidence. And when I had the evidence, I could not bring myself to catching them. Cause if I would, I would have kicked him out. So I kept on questioning him, until he finally came up with this story. 
Problem that I face now in the reconsilation, is that I have hte feeling that in those weeks, I knew about this relation, he kept on lying. So for me it feels that he protected her, and not me. And this is killing me.
So still not sure what would have been better, not to know and just get the story one day, or knowing and lying continues to protect the other?


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## Picking up the pieces (Oct 7, 2012)

helolover said:


> Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?
> 
> For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.
> 
> How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?



The gut feeling was so strong that it made me physically sick. Extremely physically sick. But I didn't know what was actually wrong and was totally blind sided by what was actually happening. For a couple years I was extremely sick and just "knew" but didn't know what I knew. About a year ago I started having a nagging voice in my head about the person he is involved with, but for too many reasons to tell I just did NOT believe it. Absolutely did not believe it. Then I had a dream and the OW said to me in a dream "yes, we've been together quite a while now". Still, I didn't believe it. FF to the day I finally realized that it most likely really was happening and I confronted him and he admitted it. I had zero evidence and zero reason to even believe it other than my gut. So yeah, the gut feeling is real and can be trusted. Heads and hearts maybe can't be trusted, but gut feelings can most definitely be relied on.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Leuven said:


> I knew the minute it started up, but had no evidence. And when I had the evidence, I could not bring myself to catching them. Cause if I would, I would have kicked him out. So I kept on questioning him, until he finally came up with this story.
> *Problem that I face now in the reconsilation, is that I have hte feeling that in those weeks, I knew about this relation, he kept on lying. So for me it feels that he protected her, and not me. And this is killing me.*
> So still not sure what would have been better, not to know and just get the story one day, or knowing and lying continues to protect the other?


this is what I come back to as well.


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> this is what I come back to as well.


you mean during your reconsilation? That this is blocking and hunting you?
Or the question what would have best?


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## jsmith (Nov 1, 2009)

Gut feeling.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Leuven said:


> you mean during your reconsilation? That this is blocking and hunting you?
> Or the question what would have best?


I am annoyed that I had to show him evidence of what I was saying before he stopped denying. He maintains that they were "just friends" so that derails discussion until I talk in detail of what I know. 

Looking at their messages, it doesn't even appear that she was nice to him and yet he only dropped her because I asked him to and threatened to move on as well.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I had a few signs that I ignored which I shouldn't have. No gut feeling, though. My brain, when I found out, tried to tell me it could still be innocent. I clearly remember thinking to myself that those strange sexy Yahoo chat names could just be people he knew who happened to use them and that he wasn't doing anything inappropriate. I also remember thinking I should just close it out and not delve deeper, at the same time my brain was screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER. It was weird. Not until I read the words 'sex escort agency' in one of the emails did it really hit me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I was blind-sided. I trusted him 100%.

In hindsight, there were little things that should have set me off, that now I know would in a future relationship but I didn't think it was anything because I trusted him with every inch of my soul.


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## donkler (May 21, 2012)

Change of attitude in her, then came that all to well known gut feeling, then BANG! WAMO!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

in one situation i was blindsided.never saw it coming at all.it was horrible.

in another situation i had that nagging gut feeling that caused me to start digging for proof. that situation was way easier to get over.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I was completely blindsided. It was a complete accident that I found out. But in all fairness, I was severely distracted when the affair was going down. Working overnights, taking care of kids during the day and my father was dying.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I had a bad gut feeling but in hindsight, things should have been more obvious.

I was very naive and very trusting. Even before snooping, I knew something was wrong in our relationship but for the longest time, I never attributed it to cheating. It was only when his sneaky texting (going away from me and our oldest to text) became more and more flagrant that I decided to stay home one weekend to snoop and found out he'd been cheating and IMO, heavily addicted to porn.

I think that even though we all know that we're different from one another, we tend to look at others through the same lens and as having the same standards that we do ourselves. So a loyal spouse will tend to trust too much and give the benefit of the doubt and a disloyal spouse will accuse the loyal spouse of doing the same wrongs.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

No gut feeling the first time.

Gut feeling the 2nd time...


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

gut feeling is king

Never once let me down in my whole life

Every time I've had that ripple down there it's been right on the money 

Sometimes wish it would have been wrong or not there at all as the pain after has been consistent but hey it's there to protect us ultimately so..


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

gut feeling, I knew. OW was always commenting on his FB and something click in my head. I asked him and he laughed in my face a day later he came clean.
We all went of 1 night for dinner and she was flirting with him but did not say anything and that is when the wheels started to turn in my mind and started to look for info here and there but really did not find anything but he did not want to be with me or have anything to do with me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I knew something was up, but wasn't sure what. Until the horrible day she told me she was going to have an affair.


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## srcampbell1975 (Sep 12, 2012)

well lets just say that I have a very strong intuition about things and my gut eats at me when i know something isnt right. Eats at me to the point of anxiety attacks and making myself sick. This happened to me almost 3 years ago, before H and i got married. we have been married for 2 years now. I felt something was just not right. He was acting strange, I felt lies were being told, ya know just randomness that usually didnt happen. Soooo, I began to snoop. email accounts were first...i found emails from a listing on craigslist...opened it and I was SHOCKED!!! so, then I went to craigslist.net, attempted to log in with what i figured his information was (as it was all pretty much the same as his email info). FLOORED is what I was once I logged in and found out that he had posted an ad for finding a man to panty play with!!! I had noticed that for months he had been wanting to do certain things with my panties and his privates, as well as learnin that he had even worn my panties under his work clothes to work. that wasnt eally a big deal since we had quite a funky sexual lifestyle anyway...swingers. But when I found this email and craigslisting, I was devistated. The emails that I found where of a man contacting him and them planning to meet up at a local joint while i was out of town. I knew my gut knew something!!! So, he was working nights at that point, I was at my aunts when I found all this out. I proceeded to print out ever email, the CL listing and I borrowed my aunts truck and drop to his job at 230 in the morning to confront him, 25 miles away. I was furious, devistated, in disbelief that this man, a man that said he would NEVER cheat on me or do the things that all my past ex's had done, Has ultimately potentially done the same thing they had. However it was much worse than I could have ever imagined, it was a guy he was wanting to cheat with!!! So I surprise him at work, he walks out of the bay, I slam the evidence into his chest and as what the F is this. He looks at it and immediately, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped, his head layed low, he walked away and sat down at the table outside. lit a smoke, and I just stood there staring at him, waiting. Long story shot, we sat and talked for hours. crying (me) him apologizing over and over and assuring me nothing happened. 
I went home afterwards and left him sitting there. I still did not feel right, i didnt feel like he was telling me everything. So, again, the next day i took his work phone and began to go through his texst messages...i found personal messages from the guys that he had planned on meeting up with. so I threw it at him and asked WTF is this, youve been texting them!!! I told him if he has anything else he needs to tell me, he needed to do it right that very moment because if i found out anything else, EVER, we were done. he claimed he did not meet the guy, he got scared and felt horrible for even posting the ad. he felt sick and embarrassed. 
I still, to this day do not know if he ever did. You may ask, why did i marry him after the fact...well quite frankly, he was amazing to me in every other possible way. and i understand people make mistakes....and it doesnt help that i strive very hard to be a kind and gentle person (where as I use to not be, I was super abusive with my first two husbands, as they were to me as well). But I loved this man with every ounce of my being and I still do. I dont trust him on a lot of issues, its taken me a long time to build trust back up on some issues...but I do try. I dont throw what he did in his face, Ive brought it up maybe twice/three times in 3 years. but thats it. 
Sooooo, with all that being said, Everyone has a since of intuition and Gut feelings and when they get the best of you, 9-10 times, somethings not right and if you dig enough, you will find out what it is!!! so sorry this was so long and visual!!


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

srcampbell1975 said:


> well lets just say that I have a very strong intuition about things and my gut eats at me when i know something isnt right. Eats at me to the point of anxiety attacks and making myself sick. This happened to me almost 3 years ago, before H and i got married. we have been married for 2 years now. I felt something was just not right. He was acting strange, I felt lies were being told, ya know just randomness that usually didnt happen. Soooo, I began to snoop. email accounts were first...i found emails from a listing on craigslist...opened it and I was SHOCKED!!! so, then I went to craigslist.net, attempted to log in with what i figured his information was (as it was all pretty much the same as his email info). FLOORED is what I was once I logged in and found out that he had posted an ad for finding a man to panty play with!!! I had noticed that for months he had been wanting to do certain things with my panties and his privates, as well as learnin that he had even worn my panties under his work clothes to work. that wasnt eally a big deal since we had quite a funky sexual lifestyle anyway...*swingers*. But when I found this email and craigslisting, I was devistated. The emails that I found where of a man contacting him and them planning to meet up at a local joint while i was out of town. I knew my gut knew something!!! So, he was working nights at that point, I was at my aunts when I found all this out. I proceeded to print out ever email, the CL listing and I borrowed my aunts truck and drop to his job at 230 in the morning to confront him, 25 miles away. I was furious, devistated, in disbelief that this man, a man that said he would NEVER cheat on me or do the things that all my past ex's had done, Has ultimately potentially done the same thing they had. However it was much worse than I could have ever imagined, it was a guy he was wanting to cheat with!!! So I surprise him at work, he walks out of the bay, I slam the evidence into his chest and as what the F is this. He looks at it and immediately, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped, his head layed low, he walked away and sat down at the table outside. lit a smoke, and I just stood there staring at him, waiting. Long story shot, we sat and talked for hours. crying (me) him apologizing over and over and assuring me nothing happened.
> I went home afterwards and left him sitting there. I still did not feel right, i didnt feel like he was telling me everything. So, again, the next day i took his work phone and began to go through his texst messages...i found personal messages from the guys that he had planned on meeting up with. so I threw it at him and asked WTF is this, youve been texting them!!! I told him if he has anything else he needs to tell me, he needed to do it right that very moment because if i found out anything else, EVER, we were done. he claimed he did not meet the guy, he got scared and felt horrible for even posting the ad. he felt sick and embarrassed.
> I still, to this day do not know if he ever did. You may ask, why did i marry him after the fact...well quite frankly, he was amazing to me in every other possible way. and i understand people make mistakes....and it doesnt help that i strive very hard to be a kind and gentle person (where as I use to not be, I was super abusive with my first two husbands, as they were to me as well). But I loved this man with every ounce of my being and I still do. I dont trust him on a lot of issues, its taken me a long time to build trust back up on some issues...but I do try. I dont throw what he did in his face, Ive brought it up maybe twice/three times in 3 years. but thats it.
> Sooooo, with all that being said, Everyone has a since of intuition and Gut feelings and when they get the best of you, 9-10 times, somethings not right and if you dig enough, you will find out what it is!!! so sorry this was so long and visual!!


You were concerned of extra marital stuff? :scratchhead:


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## srcampbell1975 (Sep 12, 2012)

Mtts said:


> You were concerned of extra marital stuff? :scratchhead:


Yes, why the head scratching?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

I was completely and totally blindsided..I never suspected a thing, even though I should have


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I had gigantic red flags everywere.
I put it on stress.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I can't say mine was a gut feeling at all. I thought it was just a troubled marriage for the two years her affair was happening. But one weekend, she told me she wanted to drive to our vacation condo alone for some time to herself, and to do some shopping. That's when, for some reason, I finally got it, the gut feeling something wasn't right. 

So, I put some spyware on her phone the night before she left and that started the ball rolling. I read their love texts to each other on the spyware website while she was down there. Ironically, she was being truthful and did go there alone.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

I had the gut feeling and some red flags but always told me it was just a friendship. Well I finally found out it was an PA.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Gut feeling, several red flags... But, when I'd ask him he'd deny and I wanted so badly to trust him. I'll never be that naive again. This was with his EA, which I do believe went PA.

His ONS years and years ago on a business trip? I was completely totally clueless.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Has no hard proof... I never thought to look on Inet for help... stupid me. But, I had the feelings. After being rejected repeatedly for no reason other than "I'm not feeling it". I walked into another room and said out loud to myself... "She is having an affair." I actually wrote it down, dated it, and stuffed it into a dresser drawer. 

It was years later that I had all the proof that she had been cheating with multiple men for years on end.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

RWB said:


> Has no hard proof... I never thought to look on Inet for help... stupid me. But, I had the feelings. After being rejected repeatedly for no reason other than "I'm not feeling it". I walked into another room and said out loud to myself... "She is having an affair." I actually wrote it down, dated it, and stuffed it into a dresser drawer.
> 
> It was years later that I had all the proof that she had been cheating with multiple men for years on end.


RWB, you stayed with her, right?

It's really looking like my WH has cheated with I believe at least three different much younger girls.

He's failed a poly, but still won't come clean.

We've been together twenty years. I found a new counselor for us at his urging.

I just don't know how I'm gonna do this. How do you do it?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

I picked her up at the airport and saw it in her eyes immediately. We hugged and kissed and she laid her head on my shoulder for a few moments. I asked her what's wrong and she just shook her head. Driving for an hour I mulled over all the scenarios that might cause this sadness she seemed to be feeling. By that night I got it out of her. It wasn't a gut feeling or intuition, I saw it in her eyes and felt it in her hug. In a way I suppose that speaks to her character; she couldn't live the lie.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I knew, but I didn't want to know.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

hurtingbadly said:


> RWB, you stayed with her, right?
> 
> It's really looking like my WH has cheated with I believe at least three different much younger girls.
> 
> ...


Yes, we are still together, a little more than 3 years since dday. 

"I just don't know how I'm gonna do this. How do you do it?"

The first 6 months were real hard even though she was 100% remorseful. Yes, she did TT for a few weeks after getting caught, but quickly realized that our only chance at any form of R was absolute truth. 

The reality of exposure after years of serially cheating was strange. Although when caught, she was actively in a "new" EAPA and was in love again with the OM (old college BF). The double life was taking it's toll. The years of lying, sneaking around in hotels, all while pretending to be this wholesome, church going, grade school teacher, "good" mother, perfect wife, was driving her crazy. 

She actually admitted that getting caught (she would of never confessed) was the only way out. She freely admitted that the secret hookups, phone calls, emails were exciting and made her feel young and desired, but the lasting after effects were killing her inside. Regardless of R or D, she was glad it was over. 

To answer your question... It was really up to her and how she responded. I sat on the fence for 6 months or so and just watched. In the end, I let go of some pride and chose mercy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

helolover said:


> Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?
> 
> For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.


*Gut feeling*, in my mind's eye, is one of the most natural human characteristics that there is. In both of my married relationships, it ultimately served to bring the the dreaded and unwanted "truth" to light.

Now with some people, it may take a little more time for it to kick-in than others, but when you have it, it is as unmistakable as the nose on your face.

If you look in Webster's under the word, *gullible*, you will find my picture. I believed that my STBXW's explanation to me for wanting our separation almost empirically. And then only after having been in the separation mode for some 6 months, did it ever dawn on me to investigate. Long story short, I got much more of an education about her than I had ever wanted to.

I may well be considered to be an "old codger" by some, but I will always adhere to the mantra of "hear them out, but verify!"


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

H slipped one day and asked me if I had internet on my phone like ***** did? Her name was the same as a friend I work with (who doesn't have internet on phone),,, It gave me that raise the eyebrow thought,, then I let it go.(I trusted him)

Another time, he was talking to my daughter and made the comment "once a cheater, always a cheater",,, at that moment a rock hit my gut, and I checked our phone records the next day and found an odd # he was calling and texting. While checking up on him later, checking other #'s,, I ran across another #, a second EA. 

I had not found this site before I confronted (too soon),, so have no further proof. 

My gut is still eating away at me with his "just friends" approach to them. 
My explanation to him on not being able to move forward out of not trusting and believing him is 
"Just as I can't prove you are guilty, you can't prove your innocence." 
In the end, I'm going with my gut.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Numb in Ohio said:


> H slipped one day and asked me if I had internet on my phone like ***** did? Her name was the same as a friend I work with (who doesn't have internet on phone),,, It gave me that raise the eyebrow thought,, then I let it go.(I trusted him)
> 
> Another time, he was talking to my daughter and made the comment "once a cheater, always a cheater",,, at that moment a rock hit my gut, and I checked our phone records the next day and found an odd # he was calling and texting. While checking up on him later, checking other #'s,, I ran across another #, a second EA.
> 
> ...


The examples above don't show much evidence of cheating. I hope you aren't convicting based on this alone. My only caveat is the number of texts/calls. If we are talking a handful, then it is nothing. If it is hundreds or thousands then it could be an EA.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> The examples above don't show much evidence of cheating. I hope you aren't convicting based on this alone. My only caveat is the number of texts/calls. If we are talking a handful, then it is nothing. If it is hundreds or thousands then it could be an EA.



After all this came out in the open, one of these women was his ex hs gf that he had a PA with in his previous marriage (10 years prior), and the second woman was a "friend" he met through the first woman, (the women were sleeping together also)...(he says he was offered a threesome back then, yet turned it down). 

He has been talking with his ex gf off and on through our whole marriage.....the other woman had been looking for him since they lost touch back around 2000 (when we started dating). 

He says that he only hid talking to these women so I would not find out that he had cheated before, he never wanted me to know. My thinking is, if you didn't want me to know, why would you be talking to them at all, if there were no feelings for them?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> *Gut feeling*
> 
> If you look in Webster's under the word, *gullible*, you will find my picture. I believed that my STBXW's explanation to me for wanting our separation almost empirically.


Arbitrator, we must be twins... I can squeeze a laugh after a few years down the road. 

I was the last in my family to "see" the truth of my wife's cheating. Oh yes, I suspected from time to time and even confronted without proof (#1 No-No) I know now. Still amazed how I could of excepted the blame-shifting and weak excuses for all those years.

My mother (150 miles away) commented to my brother years ago that she suspected something just being together at Holidays and such. A mothers intuition I guess. She noticed subtle changes in my wife's makeup, hair, and dress and the way she wouldn't stand next to me at family gatherings and a general lack of affection. 

My grown daughter was the one to actually come forward with hard proof. A 100 miles away she "figured" it out just by my wife's FB at weird hours when her "friend, OM" was the only one chatting.

One area that still to this day bother me... My wife and I had some mutual friends (male and female co-workers I had know for years) that knew she was cheating. Not a single one ever gave me clue or threw me a bone. Some friends?


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

SRCAMPBELL1975

Sorry I am scratching my head too. Please, if you don't mind, what else is considered and extra martial affair if you subscribe to a swinger's lifestyle. You have signed on and agreed to a cheating lifestyle, have you not?. You have told your mate that you are not important or valuable enough for your mate to give you exclusivity. So I don't get it. Where does the cheating line start for a swinger? I am not being judgemental I just don't understand.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RWB said:


> Arbitrator, we must be twins... I can squeeze a laugh after a few years down the road.
> 
> I was the last in my family to "see" the truth of my wife's cheating. Oh yes, I suspected from time to time and even confronted without proof (#1 No-No) I know now. Still amazed how I could of excepted the blame-shifting and weak excuses for all those years.
> 
> ...


RWB: You can either read the long litany of my thread or read my 50 cent version:

Rather wealhty 56 y.o. STBXW asked for a "trial separation" in March, 2011, stating that I needed to be in the city some 30 miles away where my sons were going to school, basically to defray their mileage. Move was made in late May. Little to no contact from STBXW except with my sons. STBXW files for divorce in November. Still no contact. In March, 2012, she finally calls me and I subsequently ask her to consider R. Less than 24 hours later, she emails a firm "no" to that idea. My attorney then asks me to research cell phone/texting records for about a year. I find where she has two affairs going on in different cities simultaneously. Then we research a year prior to that and find out that STBXW had affairs going on while I was in cohabitation with her in our family home. FB played a big role in her detaching from me and hooking up with the best friend of her deceased first husband as well as a high school boyfriend.

We are still in the midst of a contentious divorce regarding a prenup where she is trying to charge me anywhere from 70 to 250k for my share of the 7-1/2 year marital expenses. Lawyer says she can't get it because that was not specifically specified in the body of the prenup.

Regarding her "adultery," she doesn't even have a clue that I know a single thing about it. And I want it kept that way until after the divorce when I will expose her by releasing those phone records and emails that speak to the contrary. Her family, in particular, needs to know who the bulk of the marriages dissolution definitely rested with!


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

RWB said:


> One area that still to this day bother me... My wife and I had some mutual friends (male and female co-workers I had know for years) that knew she was cheating. Not a single one ever gave me clue or threw me a bone. Some friends?


Yep, I had the same thing happen to me. They actually lied to me to help cover his fake story. Makes you wonder about people...


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I had a gut feeling but kept saying to myself, "nahhh, she would never cheat." But I do remember thinking that I need to pay close attention when I saw her answering her phone and immediately leaving the room. I also noticed she kept her phone with her always.

But the next day I forgot about it and went 3 months not even thinking about it until I visited my friend who's ex-wife cheated on him and I thought about how he discovered her affair: phone records.

It hit me like a ton of bricks and I immediately thought back to 3 months ago and logged in to get cell phone records and saw that there were too many calls and texts to one number. 

But everything stopped right about the time I saw her take that call into the other room. That was the last call and I suppose it was the reason I forgot about it. The suspicious behavior was gone.

I still kick myself for not following up when I had my suspicions. At least I did confront her, although it was 3 months later.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Cubby said:


> I still kick myself for not following up when I had my suspicions. At least I did confront her, although it was 3 months later.


Cubby, don't beat yourself up. I was so duped believing "she could never do it" I never even looked at the cell records until I had other proof. I mean like 5 minutes on the ATT cell page and I would have seen what was going on... it was that obvious. I/she never knew that 18 months of cell call/text are a click away. 

I'm a computer programmer by day. I wrote a simple program to read in the numbers, analyze by when they started, when she was alone, how long, cross ref it to text messages, some other heuristics and it was that obvious.

BTW, ATT "will" give you cell records past 18 months on paper at $5.00 per month. If you have a scanner/ocr you can go back years. I did. Same story. 

I also made an unscheduled trip to her work during lunch. Her IT dept seemed to make a habit of archiving her Microsoft Office Mail (*.pst) files on the central network drive. One memory stick and I had 10G of email archives dating back 7 years. You get good at searching for "Key" phrases that affair partners use... "I really need to see you again"... "Does he suspect"... "I'm free this weekend" and such. 

Truth is your only ally in an affair.


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