# Sexually not compatible-HELP



## Keedy (Aug 6, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 8 years but have been together for 11 years. I'm 35 and my husband will be 44 this month. Well, when he and I first met we had a great sex life. Now that he has gotten older it seems as if he does not care if we have sex or not. I've heard that woman reach their sexually peaks in their 30's well I'm at my peak. I'm horney all the time and what to have sex, but DH just act as if he could careless. I've resulted to using vibraters,but I can only do so much of that before I want the real thing. 

We've been having a lot of problems, because he's in the military and is very controlling. Before I met him I was a very independent single mother. Not only that my DH has a doctoral degree so he thinks he knows everything. If you ask him a single yes or no answer he always gives you a speech or the history of it. This is so frustrating to me and when I tell him about it, he starts in on me about what I do or don't do. I'm not sure if I can take this any longer. I'm ready to leave him and take my kids with me. I love him but I feel as if I've fallen out of love with him. 

He's a great guy but he is not fulfilling my sexual or emotional needs. I've even thought a lot about having an affair with an old flame that has gotten in contact with me recently. 
Please help 

Thanks,


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Sounds like problems both men and women have. I know first hand how frustrating sexual problems are and wanting to leave because you can't take it. 

What I recommend: try finding out why he does not want to have sex, being 44 is not a reason not too want it. Just a simple as why? No, being tired all the time is not an answer, its usually 1 or 2 CORE things. When you find out why, see how you can work as a TEAM to fix it.


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## Peace2000 (Oct 27, 2010)

Girl I feel you! I'm 30 and he's 31. I'm horney 24/7 and he wants (and I use the word "wants" very lightly) to have sex once every 7 or 8 days. He would go longer if I didn't start *****ing. I've caught him watching porn several times..it's so frustraighting. He says he loves me and he's attracted to me he just doesn't think about having sex...

Read my posts under Sex in Marriage.."Not sexually attracted to wife" and "I want to have wild passionate, sex but he doesn't." 

I was given so pretty good advice on this topic. So sorry you are having to deal with this too! It's no fun!!! Hope it all gets better for you!


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

girls girls..if ur husband is watching porn..then obviously he craves
exciting sex...
so...
watch it with him...
or...
more importantly..
do the stuff they do in porn with him..
soon..he will feel all crazy for u.again..and will get crazy romantic and
u will get that lustful..romantic sex u have been craving..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is why I didn't marry my last long-term boyfriend who was 14 years older than me. My husband is 7 years younger. It works.

I suggest marriage counseling if he'll agree (and yourself). Sex is important and should be fulfilling. 

How do you feel about yourself? Do you take care of yourself? I just ask because many women I know in person complain about no sex, but they've let themselves go. We know men are visual people.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> girls girls..if ur husband is watching porn..then obviously he craves
> exciting sex...
> so...
> watch it with him...
> ...


Terrible advice. 

Porn creates unrealistic expectations of sex and is highly addictive.

If your husband chooses porn over sex then he has a serious problem.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Terrible advice.
> 
> Porn creates unrealistic expectations of sex and is highly addictive.
> 
> If your husband chooses porn over sex then he has a serious problem.


I agree. Talk about what he wants, and see what your confutable doing. Plus I agree most of the time the real thing is better then porn. Talk about what can bring him back to the bedroom.


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## Tropical (Jul 15, 2011)

"If you ask him a single yes or no answer he always gives you a speech or the history of it." 
Sometimes we can learn a lot from this speeches. It's not that bad 
And I hope you'll think twice, because of the kids.


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## lil sas (Feb 18, 2012)

SHEESH.. This comment made me giggle . I mean think about this for a minute. To alot of girls ( not all) watchin a romantic movie where the man wins her heart , runs her a bath and lathers her up , persistant in wanting to know her, attentive to her, and has a look in his eyes that craves her.. is a porno.. so when men want us girls to act in a movie , try acting in ours too. For me , I like making our own porn,I consider myself creative and we have a blast.. however if he dont start role playing sorta speak in my type of movies ( romance) then this also will collect dust on the shelf.. lol.. just sayin..


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Tell the Doctor that this is not rocket science. Let him know that your needs are not being met and it is having a negative effect on the marriage as a whole.

I would be straight with him that it is upsetting you to the point were you do think about having an affair. This alone should get his attention. 35 is considered young, let him know you did not sign up for this and you have expectations. He is a military man give him a schedule.:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

lil sas said:


> SHEESH.. This comment made me giggle . I mean think about this for a minute. To alot of girls ( not all) watchin a romantic movie where the man wins her heart , runs her a bath and lathers her up , persistant in wanting to know her, attentive to her, and has a look in his eyes that craves her.. is a porno.. so when men want us girls to act in a movie , try acting in ours too. For me , I like making our own porn,I consider myself creative and we have a blast.. however if he dont start role playing sorta speak in my type of movies ( romance) then this also will collect dust on the shelf.. lol.. just sayin..


this is EXACTLY it. Fulfill some of his fantasies and get a little freaky like the porn he is watching. There is nothing wrong with that assuming he is just watching run of the mill mildly kinky porn and not midgets with horses or something, then I would think the other poster against this may have a point.

And he should do the same for you, whatever your fantasy or kink is. It absolutely should go both ways. That's the fun, anticipating what your spouse may and enjoy and suprising them with something different now and then. It's not an end game, it's the journey. As Athol points out - only 30% of what you might try will likely hit your favorite column - but let's face it - even when things don't work out it was still fun trying.


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