# Turning down oral sex



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

My H is out of commission down there and unless we use a condom, we can’t have vaginal sex. It’s usually for a few days to a week and some of you might know that I am continuing to work on my drive. But we agreed (or so I thought) that this would be a decent time to just focus on cuddling, and other non-sexual intimacy for these few days. 2 nights ago he asked me if he could go down on me, just for me. I told him that I would feel like I’m missing something without full on sex after, besides we discussed it and I thought we agreed we would steer clear of any sexual touch for a few days. He suggested it again last night, and I answered with the same answer and then I got aggravated. We got in a little argument and he pretty much made me feel like crap. But I tried to explain to him that I thought we had an understanding that once his condition clears up, it’s game on again. He said that the oral was for my enjoyment… That aggravated me because if I wanted that, he knows I would ask. I just hated that he put me in a position to reject him again for a 2nd night in a row when I thought we had an understanding… But I also felt like he was putting me on the spot and making me out to be the bad guy by telling me it’s for my enjoyment only. He told me that he couldn’t imagine rejecting me if I offered the same thing, and I reminded him I am not him and my drive is not 100%, so it’s a different scenario.

Someone just tell me I wasn’t a complete jerk in this whole thing. I love oral, but I can’t just stop at that and I thought it was a good time to take advantage of intimacy on other levels… Apparently he didn’t/doesn’t feel the same way. Just wanted other’s thoughts on this because I do feel bad.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I can see my guy doing this....he wants to feel closer to you.

I don't think you are being a jerk, but I also think you may not fully comprehend what sex means to men -- that IS cuddling for them, believe it or not.

Looking forward to seeing some male responses!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I am a bit confused (and I don't know your situation) but if you like oral and he wants to give, what is the issue?

I think I enjoy giving my wife oral more than she likes receiving it so (for me at least) it isn't only about her pleasure, I get something out of it also.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

To a lot of men, sex is not just about the physical, but also about an emotional connection, particularly in marriage or a long term relationship. While you find cuddling and holding satisfying, it may not give him the connection he wants. Since he can't get it through full on sex, he is offering oral to you. That may be him reaching out to connect to you.

I don't see you being a complete jerk because he is trying to change the deal. But I think it is worthwhile for you to talk to him a bit and consider whether changing the deal a bit might help things. Not saying you should, rather listen to him and what he is saying (and not saying) and be open to the possibility.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wow, rejected twice in a row. That's gotta hurt.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

@Working on me -- exactly. I don't think C quite gets that.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I am a bit confused (and I don't know your situation) but if you like oral and he wants to give, what is the issue?
> 
> I think I enjoy giving my wife oral more than she likes receiving it so (for me at least) it isn't only about her pleasure, I get something out of it also.


I love it when he when he brings me to climax during oral and then for him to penetrate me at that time while I am cumming -- my favorite. Oral alone, it takes a lot of concentration on my part, I guess it's mental work that I simply wasn't up for last night or the night before. We had worked on our bathroom together and it was way late for us, already approaching midnight so I saw it going well into the wee hours of the morning, We are usually in bed by 10 pm, this was 2 hours later than that and it wasn't something I wanted at that time. I don't know.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Wow, rejected twice in a row. That's gotta hurt.


If we have an understanding, then why does he get a pass to change up the terms when he claims it is for my benefit and it's not something I'm particularly interested in for the night? If it's for my benefit as he claimed, then I should be able to reject it, correct???? He never said he just wanted to taste me, or that he misses, or that he wants it... He made it out to be for me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Completely understandable, C...but did you wake him up this morning with some nice sexytime?

Tired is tired, and that's fine, but especially if you've rejected him twice, I think it would be wise for you to initiate the next sexual encounter, and soon. Men need to feel desired. (Well, we all do.)


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

I think you should renegotiate your understanding contract...


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lamaga said:


> Completely understandable, C...but did you wake him up this morning with some nice sexytime?
> 
> Tired is tired, and that's fine, but especially if you've rejected him twice, I think it would be wise for you to initiate the next sexual encounter, and soon. Men need to feel desired. (Well, we all do.)


My H has a herpes breakout... hence his member is out of commission, sorry not going there. I told him when it clears up he is getting a BJ to completion... Is that good enough for the next sexual encounter?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No, C, it's really not. You could have awoken him by rubbing your breasts over his face, then letting him eat you. (Sorry, I hope that's not TMI.) 

I guess I'm more sexual than many women on here. Sorry.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lamaga said:


> No, C, it's really not. You could have awoken him by rubbing your breasts over his face, then letting him eat you. (Sorry, I hope that's not TMI.)
> 
> I guess I'm more sexual than many women on here. Sorry.


Okay, fair enough, but our morning routine doesn't allow for that extra time in the morning during the weekdays... especially after going to bed at midnight and awaking to twin 3 year old's standing by your bed at 5 am


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Cherry - I recently encountered a similar situation. 

Back in March my penis was out of commission due to a physical injury that I would rather not have to describe in detail. The net of it was that my urologist said I had to abstain from using my penis for penetration, and any kind of handling (hand jobs, oral, etc.) for 2 weeks. It was OK to have erections, they were going to happen anyway, like the ones every man has at night, but using my c*ck for sex was out of the question.

Coincidentally, my wife was in the middle of a hormone-shift-fuelled sexual awakening. In lieu of intercourse, she resorted to masturbation, which to my knowledge, was a brand-new thing for her. She eventually admitted this to me, and frankly, I thought it was a great thing for her, getting more in tune with herself, having a new sexual outlet, etc.

During that time, I suggested during a few hot and heavy make-out sessions that I could service her orally/manually, but she refused my suggestions. It was very frustrating to me, because I had no other sexual outlet. She explained to me that she was not comfortable with being the focus of attention during sex, and that she really wanted any sex act we would do together to culminate with me penetrating her with my penis.

Eventually, she understood that this was my only means of sexual expression, and she allowed me to bring her to orgasm a few times with my tongue. She now understands that it means a lot to me to make her the focus sometimes, and that I get a LOT out of bringing her pleasure and seeing/hearing/feeling her climax, without any expectation of reciprocation.

So I can certainly understand how you feel about not wanting your husband to make you the "center of attention". But perhaps if you consider how you feel or have felt (that it is a turn-on for you, too) about giving your husband a BJ without any expectation of any other activities, it might help change your perspective on it.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry Cherry but this was a fail

I hope this hasn't happened too many times in the past. Rejection is pure he*l on a man's self esteem 

I have done the same type of thing for my wife in the past just because I appreciate her so and I didn't expect anything back. I just wanted her to enjoy the moment for all the things she has done for me


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Toffer said:


> Sorry Cherry but this was a fail
> 
> I hope this hasn't happened too many times in the past. Rejection is pure he*l on a man's self esteem
> 
> I have done the same type of thing for my wife in the past just because I appreciate her so and I didn't expect anything back. I just wanted her to enjoy the moment for all the things she has done for me


I'm beginning to agree and I get that, but doesn't he share some of the responsibility here? If payday was on the 15th, and I wanted something really bad and it's only the 10th, I shouldn't keep asking for it each day until the 15th, because I KNOW I will get it on the 15th.. He knows he will get a lot when his condition clears up and it's not that long from now, a few days max?


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## rider (Jun 22, 2009)

Cherry said:


> I'm beginning to agree and I get that, but doesn't he share some of the responsibility here? If payday was on the 15th, and I wanted something really bad and it's only the 10th, I shouldn't keep asking for it each day until the 15th, because I KNOW I will get it on the 15th.. He knows he will get a lot when his condition clears up and it's not that long from now, a few days max?


That's a cool analogy, and I haven't thought of it like that before, but I think that since love is free, you might want to be open about it.

For instance sometimes my wife is really into reading in bed but I want to pleasure her orally, so I say you just keep on reading. The reading only lasts a couple of minutes though... If she is self conscious about just receiving (often) we use a blindfold and I tell her to treat it like a massage.

I can understand both sides of the argument. Good luck.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Cherry - when I was cleared by the doctor to use my penis again, the first time we had sex after that, it was totally mind-blowing!

Hopefully, after your husband's issue subsides, you will have a similar experience.

In the meantime, you might want to consider letting your H use a toy on you while he gives you oral, or perhaps he gives you oral and then uses a toy on you once you start contracting. Not quite the same as his c*ck, but certainly it's the next best thing...


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

I think what you're missing cherry is that it's not about HIM getting sex for him, he wants to do it to make YOU happy, which in turn makes him feel like he's good enough for you, that he is doing his job, that you guys are closer...

Perhaps instead try saying you know that sounds really great, but I'm so tired right now, what I would really love for you to do is just spoon with me.

Instead of just turning him down, give him an alternative so at least he can feel like he's doing something for you. 

If he has frequent outbreaks and this is something you guys deal with maybe you should look at getting some toys, so he could bring you to a climax orally then pleasure you with toys. 

I think that what you're missing is that for him pleasuring you is an emotional bond, making him feel like a man. Right now he can't please you like he normally would, he feels worthless, he feels like he's not a man, like what good am I? I can't even please my woman. Each time you turn him down, it's reinforcing that feeling for him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think a better analogy is that you both agreed not to get each other gifts, but he went ahead and got you a gift anyway because he felt it was important, or he wanted to surprise you or whatever. But rather than accepting the gift and thus accepting his love you....well you know the rest.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think a better analogy is that you both agreed not to get each other gifts, but he went ahead and got you a gift anyway because he felt it was important, or he wanted to surprise you or whatever. But rather than accepting the gift and thus accepting his love you....well you know the rest.


What if the gift he got me required effort from me that I wasn't ready for just yet? Could I get back to that gift when I'm better rested up? Like a chair that had to be put together...


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Then you should be sure to say I love this chair, but I don't have the energy to put it together right now, could we put it together tomorrow... that way he knows you like the chair and he doesn't feel like it was a useless gift.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Riven said:


> Then you should be sure to say I love this chair, but I don't have the energy to put it together right now, could we put it together tomorrow... that way he knows you like the chair and he doesn't feel like it was a useless gift.


I agree. I know now I was pretty harsh with how things went down last night and I plan to make it up to him, if he's willing tonight. I like your suggestion about the toys... We have one that resembles his member  It will still leave me feeling like I am missing something because I absolutely love it when he climaxes too. He'll get his in a few days though 

Thank you for your ideas and thoughts.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Okay, I'm got lost here...

Who's putting a chair together here? Did they get it at Ikea? Those instructions are a b*tch!!


Look your man, wanted to give you something because he knows that you have to put up with a lot with his condition. He wanted to let you know that he may be down, but he isn't out. And you could look at is as a kind of a "thank you" and here's the weird part that is foreign to a lot of men and women. HE EXPECTED NOTHING IN RETURN! He only wanted to please you because you are important to him. But, you have this thing set in your mind that it's all or nothing.

But since we're using analogies here. I'll use my own. Your in the Supermarket and your husband is in there with a tray with little pieces of a new cut of Fillet Mignon on toothpicks that they're selling at the market there. You have a piece and "DAMN! That's an awesome cut of steak!!" Melts in your mouth GOOD!! You have to buy you some of that! You B-line it to the meat section and you get some and you WANT to grill them up tonight it was sooooo good. And you are excited about prepping them and grilling them up....OH WAIT!!! Fresh corn on the cob would go awesome with this...and baked potato....and your getting all excited about this meal, all because of one little sample that got you something to look forward to..

Damn....now I'm hungry.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Atta girl Cherry! Work him up to it if you can, send him a text saying I've love to take you up on your offer last night if it still stands.

I'll be honest, I don't have any personal experience with herpes, I only know clinical information. But what if he was to masturbate while playing with you to get his own? Is that possible? Or something you'd like to pursue? That would allow you to feel like he got his, and he could feel like you got yours...

Damn this forum, I'm not getting ANYTHING done today!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

crossbar said:


> Okay, I'm got lost here...
> 
> Who's putting a chair together here? Did they get it at Ikea? Those instructions are a b*tch!!
> 
> ...


lol -- yep, and I went and got BBQ chips based on your analogy  

I get what you're saying and I understand it. What I don't understand is that my H knows I could go a long time without anything sexually, that is just the cold hard truth. I do not have a drive, period. I do not crave sex, I do not think about sex, I do not anything about sex. I have sex to please my H. The benefit for me is getting off in the process of pleasing my H too. So for my H to want to please me for my benefit sexually, given the above information, makes 0% sense to me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Riven said:


> Atta girl Cherry! Work him up to it if you can, send him a text saying I've love to take you up on your offer last night if it still stands.


LOVE this!! :rofl:

And I keep trying to engage my DH this way, and he looks at me like I'm crazy! Of course, I tend to do this when we are in a room full of people, because I want to "get to him" but can't say things outright in front of my parents, or sisters, or even the kids... they tend to look at you funny when you say such things!


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Cherry said:


> lol -- yep, and I went and got BBQ chips based on your analogy
> 
> I get what you're saying and I understand it. What I don't understand is that my H knows I could go a long time without anything sexually, that is just the cold hard truth. I do not have a drive, period. I do not crave sex, I do not think about sex, I do not anything about sex. I have sex to please my H. The benefit for me is getting off in the process of pleasing my H too. So for my H to want to please me for my benefit sexually, given the above information, makes 0% sense to me.


The fact that he wants to please you sexually shouldn't have to be baffling to you. It's a way of getting close to you and seeing you enjoying yourself sexually is a turn on for him (for any guy really). If a guy see's a women in the middle of an orgasim that HE caused! It's kinda like, " Hell yeah, babe! You know where your bread is buttered!"

There I go with the food again!


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

I know that you said that you have a LD and you're working on it right? I'm sure that will help.

I think you're still stuck on the fact that you think this is about you, but it's not. It goes back to him thinking " a real man" could satisfy his wife. It's about him, just involving you, lol. 

Good luck Cherry, I'm sure tonight will be a lot of fun!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hmm, well he may know that what little drive you have is based on wanting to please him, but no guy wants to believe that. We sit at work hoping you're sitting at home pining for us.

So when the offer comes in you can either accept it and reinforce that image, or you can reject it and remind him that you only do it as "chore sex". By the way, you might feel that chore sex makes you loving, and I would agree....but it's not nearly as good as you actually being into him.

Take this with a grain of salt. As I said in another thread, I'm hyper sensitive to rejection. Some men might just let stuff like this roll off their back.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

crossbar said:


> The fact that he wants to please you sexually shouldn't have to be baffling to you. It's a way of getting close to you and seeing you enjoying yourself sexually is a turn on for him (for any guy really). If a guy see's a women in the middle of an orgasim that HE caused! It's kinda like, " Hell yeah, babe! You know where your bread is buttered!"
> 
> There I go with the food again!


Okay, I can appreciate that... I really hadn't thought about it like that and it makes sense, thanks!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

lol thats a stinger......when I read some of these post and all the logistics around sex I start wondering if women truly love sex or you just pretend to love it LOL. Seriously...it's just sex (or making love...whichever suits), all the planning and going back and forth would have drove me off the wall and killed any excitement lol. 
It really shouldn't be this much workl


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Both of you seem to be overthinking it.

I don't ever ask permission to do go down on my wife; I just do it. It's the most efficient way for me to initiate and I'm certain that I've gotten more sexytime doing this than I would have otherwise.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Cherry,

all I'm going to add to the helpful advice you've been given--

you don't ever want to reach a point in life where you are wishing you could turn back the clock and be begging for sexual attention from your husband.

Right now it's hard to believe it could ever come to that.

But life is long and takes twists and turns.

His very deep love for you is expressed through sex. When you deny him sex, you aren't just rejecting his manhood, you are rejecting one of the most important ways that a man can show a woman his true love.

Once I truly internalized that it changed my whole attitude about sex.

That and getting off birth control pills


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Not trying to be an a-hole but I have never asked my wife if I can go down on her. I go down. If her panties or shorts are on, I pull them off. If she wiggles a bit, I dive face first and get my tongue in there. If she says stop, I act like a big kid and say something along the lines of, "I can't taste you sweety?!!" and try again. I have never had my tongue hit her lips, and he not immediately relax and just chill for a few minutes. But I don't try to force her to cum or anything, I just want to taste her or see her reaction.

I will ask if she wants me to stop or if it feels good though.

Cherry, if he wants to taste his woman, let him taste his woman. If you aren't in the "mood" then tell him you are not interested in cumming, but if he still wants to taste you .... *open up your legs for him and smile*. That is all he wants and it really is that simple. Him going down doesn't mean all out sex or trying to cum. I mean, if my wife asked to lick my neck for 5 minutes I'd say yes, simply because it would feel good. It's intimate and there is no pressure to orgasm. Enjoy it and relax. You are his woman, let him enjoy your scents, tastes, and body... then cuddle.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

nader said:


> Both of you seem to be overthinking it.
> 
> I don't ever ask permission to do go down on my wife; I just do it. It's the most efficient way for me to initiate and I'm certain that I've gotten more sexytime doing this than I would have otherwise.


Glad your wife is okay with that, I wouldn't be... Sorry. It would not be okay with me for my H to start going down on me if I've already told him no, that would be a huge turn off for me.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

The difference between my wife and I regarding this just baffles me.

When she doesn't' want it, I think to myself, 'good Lord, who doesn't want spontaneous random oral sex???' I'll drop anything I'm doing, at any time, if she does this to me. If she ever figures this out, and I hope she does, I'll be putty in her hands.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> Glad your wife is okay with that, I wouldn't be... Sorry. It would not be okay with me for my H to start going down on me if I've already told him no, that would be a huge turn off for me.


nah, she says no sometimes and I leave her alone. My success rate varies. I'm just talking about the times when it does work.

and i guess it just depends on what you're used to. I've been consistent about this ever since we first started being intimate; it was never an adjustment I had to make, it's just how I roll.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Cherry said:


> What I don't understand is that my H knows I could go a long time without anything sxually, that is just the cold hard truth. I do not have a drive, period. I do not crave sx, I do not think about sx, I do not anything about sx. I have sx to please my H. The benefit for me is getting off in the process of pleasing my H too. So for my H to want to please me for my benefit sxually, given the above information, makes 0% sense to me.


Interesting to read this. We've fallen into duty s*x over the past 5+ years. W claims to have zero drive, but I still found it odd that she'd refuse oral. We used to do just about everything, but I guess that was in the stages when she did things to please me.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

nader said:


> Both of you seem to be overthinking it.
> 
> I don't ever ask permission to do go down on my wife; I just do it. It's the most efficient way for me to initiate and I'm certain that I've gotten more sexytime doing this than I would have otherwise.


I saw this post just now. Same here.

If it's sex or me getting oral, of course I would ask. I'd never do any type of insertion except my tongue...without permission.

I can't even imagine not being able to smell or taste my wife unless I asked and she said yes first. I don't ask for kisses, hugs, cuddles either. We just do it.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

So then a serious question for you guys, who claim to only want to go down to taste. How often do you get away with just going down for a few and being done, like rolling over and being done? Or does it usually lead to full on sex? I think that's probably where I am coming from more than anything, I can't just stop there, and I'm fairly certain my H can't. Admittedly, we've never just gotten the other off (and one of us didn't) and called it a night. I personally would feel like crap if I got mine and my H didn't. 

Which leads me back to the beginning, if my H offers to just go down on me, with no expectation of anything more, I know it doesn't work like that in our bed. I literally would leave him hanging and I wouldn't like that.

ETA: In other words, is the whole "just going down for a taste" a ploy because you know it will lead to other things once your W gets going?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i have gone down without it leading to anything else and had no problem with it, as long as it doesnt become a running thing. i enjoy doing it just for doing it, not because it will lead to anything. some of us get pleasure from doing this and it only makes it better if we know you are enjoying it too.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> In other words, is the whole "just going down for a taste" a ploy because you know it will lead to other things once your W gets going?


It can be a "ploy" but not really a bad ploy. Very rarely have I just brought her to orgasm with no intercourse, but it's happened a couple times. That's her preference; going down on her just makes her want me inside her. Sometimes I like to tease her and make her beg for it. I can't tell if this means I'm really good at cunnilingus or really bad. :lol:

Whereas I've gotten more 'freebies' because I'm more HD and I think bjs as the main act are *totally awesome*.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I personally would feel like crap if I got mine and my H didn't. QUOTE]
> 
> Don't.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I don't get this. The guy likes going down on you, you like him going down on you... let him do it. If you need vaginal sex after oral you can pick up a dildo when he's out of commission. Hell, have him use the dildo on you while he's eating you out.

Right now he's probably feeling useless. If I got rejected twice in a row when I was trying to make myself useful to my girl, I wouldn't be offering again for a long while.

My pride would definitely be injured and I'd probably not come after sex for awhile even when it became available.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Ah well... I can understand where you're coming from Cherry.

Generally, if you have a lower, less spontaneous drive having someone ask you out of the blue without any kind of warm-up or prelude can actually be more of a turn-off than a turn-on. 

Next time, tell him that you don't want to be asked - you want to simply start with the cuddling and affection and kissing (the part that you had wanted all along) and you'll be more than willing to see where that may take you (the part that he has likely wanted all along). Be flexible and creative in what you consider intimacy... it doesn't have to end in intercourse ... it also doesn't always have to end in orgasm.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Sometimes she will give me quick oral when I get out of the shower, just because she knows I will then go back in the shower to wash off. She will then hope in the take a shower with me (no sex). She uses it to mess with me and tease me, small minute blow jobs to keep me thinking about her. I do the same. The only time we will oral to an orgasm is usually at night, before we go to sleep. That is also usually less spontaenous and just part of our sex life.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Cherry said:


> So then a serious question for you guys, who claim to only want to go down to taste. How often do you get away with just going down for a few and being done, like rolling over and being done? Or does it usually lead to full on sex?
> 
> ETA: In other words, is the whole "just going down for a taste" a ploy because you know it will lead to other things once your W gets going?


Wow, absolute not. When I go down I'm going there to make her cum... period. Eating some kitty can take center stage as far as I'm concerned, and be the only act. I don't understand why women don't have this expectation from oral unless they simply can't get off from it.

I'd be disappointed if every BJ I got was just a prelude to intercourse, and most of the women I've been with *want* to finish it. Its almost a matter of pride and enjoyment of what you're able to do for someone... if not straight up power over their body.

In fact, its not even often that I "trade" oral. I don't want her to think I was obligated to do so because she went down on me, and I don't want her to feel obligated because I went down on her.

I enjoy it, I'm gonna spend some good time on her, and read her signals to indicate when she's ready to finish. After she cums, if I want to penetrate I will, but I'm perfectly content to leave it at that... or even let her rest a few before getting a few more licks or g-spot play. Then you cuddle and go to sleep.

Its my experience that the more I give a woman with no strings attached, I get back later x2 and the more into me she is.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've messed up like this in the past so I have a new rule. If my husband offers to do ANYTHING for me within reason my answer is YES. I see now my no's while well intentioned were rejection no doubt about it no matter what he was offering to do whether it was helping with dishes or pleasuring me.

So now I say yes as much as humanly possible to him. I won't make this mistake again. 

Edited to add: I say yes AND thank you.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I've messed up like this in the past so I have a new rule. If my husband offers to do ANYTHING for me within reason my answer is YES. I see now my no's while well intentioned were rejection no doubt about it no matter what he was offering to do whether it was helping with dishes or pleasuring me.
> 
> So now I say yes as much as humanly possible to him. I won't make this mistake again.


I think this is REALLY good advice. Along with thanking him for everything he does without asking.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Wow, absolute not. When I go down I'm going there to make her cum... period. Eating some kitty can take center stage as far as I'm concerned, and be the only act. I don't understand why women don't have this expectation from oral unless they simply can't get off from it.
> 
> I'd be disappointed if every BJ I got was just a prelude to intercourse, and most of the women I've been with *want* to finish it. Its almost a matter of pride and enjoyment of what you're able to do for someone... if not straight up power over their body.
> 
> ...


I guess that doesn't happen with us. I do cum every time he goes down, its just I feel like I need him to finish for me to have complete satisfaction. Otherwise I feel selfish, so it must be me that can't just stop with oral. It may not be a ploy on his part . Ooops


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

would I turn down oral sex, now let me see.....

HELL NO! Not in a million years


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

maybe I missed a post somewhere on here....he has herpes...he wants to give her pleasure....what about her returning the 'favour' by using a fleshlight on him? Perfectly safe, no skin to skin contact...

Cherry, forgive me, but I sort of get the feeling that you are maybe quite relieved he is 'out of commission' because it takes the pressure off you to have sex....

If I had a 'problem' down there and the doc said 'no sex for a couple of months' my wife would be over the moon!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

7737 said:


> maybe I missed a post somewhere on here....he has herpes...he wants to give her pleasure....what about her returning the 'favour' by using a fleshlight on him? Perfectly safe, no skin to skin contact...
> 
> Cherry, forgive me, but I sort of get the feeling that you are maybe quite relieved he is 'out of commission' because it takes the pressure off you to have sex....
> 
> If I had a 'problem' down there and the doc said 'no sex for a couple of months' my wife would be over the moon!


Yes, you are correct, I was relieved that he was out of commission for a few days because I do still struggle with my drive, so the break was welcomed, unfortunately.


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