# Been with wife since 15, she wants out



## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

December 7, i asked my wife was she mad at me cause she been acting different for about 2 weeks. She said no, so then jokingly i said you acting like you wanna break up and thats when it all came out that she wanted a divorce. 

I immediately began begging for thr next few weeks, always down, trying to fnd a way back into her heart but i have been unable too. She told me she has been flirting with guys she used to work with on whatsapp but has not taken it any further or seen them in person, but told me she is not gonna stop because she is now separated. She moved downstairs, told her family(5 people) who lived in our house for 10 years durring our marriage, told our son and tells me everytime i ask for her to open her heart she knows what she wants and right now she wants a divorce. 

She still allpws me to kiss her forehead but pulls back on a lip kiss and will still allow me to hug her. The problems she said i caused i admitted too but are all fixable but i had no idea they were hurting her over the years. I have not cheayed on her but missed holidays, didnt really date my wife no more, we just got into a routine and i got comfortable. 

There is a guy i believe she is talking too but i have not contacted him becsuse i dont know if im right, but i noticed her attitude changed after i read a Facebook convo she had with him and said he was having a divorce and was so happy. 

10 yesrs ago this same guy i had to ask my wife to stop talking too cause he was flirting with her. I have never had trust issues but now i check her social media daily and i can see her web activity caused its linked to her computer and i cant stop because she admitted she is out there talking to other guys. 

3 days ago this same guy adds my wife on instagram and she never uses Instagram, so why are you adding him if you promised yall not talking. I have been very upset at myself and trying my best to turn into a better husbands in her eyes and fix the small mistakes she says i made bht nothing is working and all she says is i know what i want and i want to be seperated and then divorced. We have 3 kids with thr youngest being 1 and all this hit me with a brick because i thought i was happily married. Any advice on winning her heart back. 

should i continue to hug her if she never ask me. She will also let me hold her but never ask for it or suggest it, im just doing it because she is still my wife to me. She has moved out the bedroom and blocked me on whats app so i csnt she when she logs in. 

_This is not the womeb i have known my whole lifr being this cruel to me and bot caring for my feelings, she has not cried once during this whole situation except on our first day of msrrisge counseling, she began to cry before she started spesking, but never made it to actually crying. i seriously live this woman._

Please help, i hope all this made sense.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Don't beg. It makes you look weak. Next, your WW(wandering wife) appears to have fired you as a husband but forgot to tell you as she is having a affair. Looks to be an EA(emotional affair) and possibly PA(physical affair) now. Expose your WW affair. The OM(other man), see if he is married. Advise his wife. Take control. Contact a lawyer. Know your rights. Keep posting here. Many will help you!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: DO NOT BEG, that's weak and pathetic. It actually makes the other person to feel repulsion toward the poor begging individual. As a matter of fact SHOW her that she is replaceable or that you are already replacing her. Whether it works or not, you got nothing to lose. If she is done, she is done, no matter what you do is going to make her change her mind/heart. In the remote chance that she's not done, your indifference might, emphasis on "might" swing her back to you. Nonetheless, as a man, if you see your woman gravitating, flirting, interacting in an inappropriate way with other men, I wonder what's going on with you, that make you think that you want to be with that woman. For me, that's immediate grounds for divorce. I wouldn't tolerate it. She would know that there's not going back from that. Please, do not use the sad excuse that you "love" her, because in your situation love got nothing to do with it. Get your self respect as a man back.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

My bet's she's been banging the guy(s) and has now lost virtually all romantic interest in you. She can't give you any romantic affection because she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend. You are now the interlopper trying to get in her pants. Once a woman's romantic interest falls below a certain level, it never returns to even a minimum acceptable level (not always, but 99+% of the time)


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Begging will get you nowhere. I would stop trying to give her any affection. You need to just accept she's done, sad as it is, and probably look to getting your own place and your own attorney. 

You can't stop anything by knowing who some guy she's flirting with is or contacting them. That's just high school stuff. She's separated now so she'll do what she wants. I'm sorry this blindsided you. I think you realize now you didn't take her issues seriously at the time because YOU were happy. When one person is perfectly content and happy in a marriage, sadly it's likely it's at the expense of the other because marriage requires compromise and work as a rule. She's finally over it. You should get 50 percent custody of the kids so they don't miss seeing either parent. That is the norm in the US, 50/50 joint custody. You will both need to accommodate taking care of the kids when you have them equally. You will likely have them 2 1/2 days per week and then one day on the weekend and you will be responsible for seeing they're cared for those days at your own expense and not be leaning on her to do extra because she'll need to work too and will obviously want a social life and leisure time. 

I'm sorry this has hit you so hard. I think you could have seen it coming if she's been unhappy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cheaters will always blame the other spouse.Dont think this is your fault, it isnt.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

You probably aren't going to take this advice but I am going to tell you what you need to do. 

Your wife does NOT want you. That's finished, brother. LET IT GO. Stop begging, crying, whining, trying to kiss/hug/have sex with her. Forget all of that stuff. She doesn't want any of that from you anymore and you are acting, sad, desperate, and pathetic. That is how she sees you now, and your behavior is actually hurting your cause, not helping it. If you cut her off and let her go, at least she will have some respect for you. That's better than where you are right now.

This is probably even more important. You need to talk to a divorce lawyer. I recommend one that offers free consultation. Someone that can give you some idea of what you need to do moving forward. Some of the advice the lawyer will give you might sound harsh, but I can assure you, your wife is already planning the divorce and she will NOT pull any punches. She's gonna bide her time, get her ducks in a row, and then hit you with a divorce like a sucker punch. Lawyer up now to avoid that.

Immediately put yourself on a voyage of self improvement. Set goals for yourself and work on them every day. Read more books, take some classes, pick up martial arts, hit the gym, something, anything to make you a better person and give you more confidence.

This is my last bit of advice. You probably feel like your life is falling apart and you still love your wife. I get it man, I really do. The fact is though, she doesn't feel the same way. Things are gonna suck for a while, but if you follow the advice I just gave you, things won't suck forever, and one day you can find yourself in a much better place. Speaking from experience.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

The issues in your marriage aren't why she's at the very least having an emotional affair. She just chose to have an affair. Don't let her convince you otherwise. This isn't your fault, it's hers and its the biggest issue. Even if you fix all the issues she says you created, she will still not be happy because your wife is a cheater. This is how she eliminates her guilt and makes herself look like a decent person to others.

Go talk to a lawyer and draw up divorce papers. Find out how you can get her out of your house, figure out custody agreement, and do 180 on her. Right now she knows you are plan B and if things don't work out with her side men, she can come back to you and you will allow her back. Make her face consequences for what she's done and the reality of her choices, make her realize that you don't need her and she won't have a plan B.


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## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

maree said:


> The issues in your marriage aren't why she's at the very least having an emotional affair. She just chose to have an affair. Don't let her convince you otherwise. This isn't your fault, it's hers and its the biggest issue. Even if you fix all the issues she says you created, she will still not be happy because your wife is a cheater. This is how she eliminates her guilt and makes herself look like a decent person to others.
> 
> Go talk to a lawyer and draw up divorce papers. Find out how you can get her out of your house, figure out custody agreement, and do 180 on her. Right now she knows you are plan B and if things don't work out with her side men, she can come back to you and you will allow her back. Make her face consequences for what she's done and the reality of her choices, make her realize that you don't need her and she won't have a plan B.


she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her. i can see all ger phone activity, i can see thr gpa on her car, i have found nothing at all that could lead to cheating, other than whats app i cant see nothing on there cause im blocked. i 100 percent believe she did not cheat on me.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

deethatguy said:


> she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her. i can see all ger phone activity, i can see thr gpa on her car, i have found nothing at all that could lead to cheating, other than whats app i cant see nothing on there cause im blocked. i 100 percent believe she did not cheat on me.


What difference does it make if she has not physically cheated ? tell me what difference does it makes? You should be getting your ducks in a row, otherwise when you least expect it she will hit you, and hit you hard, and you would not not what hit you, since you are living in "hopium", afraid to make a move? YOU are refusing to hear what we are telling you. Good luck, you will need it. She is ahead of you, way ahead of you. Proceed at your own peril.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

deethatguy said:


> she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her. i can see all ger phone activity, i can see thr gpa on her car, i have found nothing at all that could lead to cheating, other than whats app i cant see nothing on there cause im blocked. i 100 percent believe she did not cheat on me.


She's talking with other guys and flirting with them? That's cheating.

Lawyer up to protect you and your son.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

In 6 month's time you can be standing in the wreckage of your marriage and family wondering what the hell went on or you can listen to the people who have posted in this thread.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Nailhead said:


> *Don't beg. It makes you look weak. * Next, your WW(wandering wife) appears to have fired you as a husband but forgot to tell you as she is having a affair. Looks to be an EA(emotional affair) and possibly PA(physical affair) now. Expose your WW affair. The OM(other man), see if he is married. Advise his wife. Take control. Contact a lawyer. Know your rights. Keep posting here. Many will help you!


Wise advice. Better listen up


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

This scenario has played out on this forum thousands of times. You are just like all those suckers who didn’t believe what people are trying to tell you.

Dude ..... she is finished.

Even the ladies on here will tell you... when a woman is done... she’s finished. She has known about this for a very long time. It’s only new to you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

deethatguy said:


> she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her. i can see all ger phone activity, i can see thr gpa on her car, i have found nothing at all that could lead to cheating, *other than whats app i cant see nothing on there cause im blocked. *i 100 percent believe she did not cheat on me.


Famous last words.

Thats a cheater app. There’s a reason you’re blocked. You’re deep in denial.

Better wake up.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

She's gone and in the long run you will be better off. It sounds like you kind of blew it by letting your marriage go stale. It sneaks up on you dosesnt it? But dude, she is the cheater here, not you. She doesn't want to fix the marriage? You're better off in the long run without a cheater. 

Sorry for what you're going through. I've been there too.


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## Nic21 (Jan 15, 2021)

No one can say she's cheating just from what you've written, so don't be dragged into believing that. 
What are you supposed to have done, just got complacent? 

Im not one for mind games or tit-for-tat stuff. I'd probably back off though, because if nothing else it's doing you no good when it's not reciprocated, it has to be hurting even more each time you try. That's not to say its easy, esp if you've been showing this person affection for so long and now it's supposed to end out of the blue. 
I can't say I wouldn't be checking up either tbh. Should you do it, probably not, is it healthy, probably not, would I do it.. Yes! I'd do it on the basis of needing an answer, for my own mind and legally. Otherwise a few simple mistakes are repairable, unless you're no longer seen in the same light, no longer wanted at all.. 
Where does the marriage counselling fit in? Doesn't sound done if she's willing to go there. 
What's her plan going forward? House, belongings, divorce lawyer.. etc just how far has she gone with it?


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## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

So although it's only been 4 weeks i just sat down and told her the reality of i need a exit plan for her to leave and she wants to still wants to do things as a family but i told her we can no longer do that because you dont want to be a family so everything will be without each other for now on. I stayed calm during this whole conversation and told her this is the last hug and kiss you will ever get from me. I also had her tell me what i want out of this marriage, so i know she knows my feelings of wanting to work things out. I also told her to be honest with me if she is still talking to guys and she said no and i believe her so i told her i will remain faithful to her until i have divorce papers in hand. This is the first time she has cried through everything but she still says she thinks she will be better on her own so im letting her go. As far as marriage counseling goes, i will send her the date and time before the appt if she shows she shows. I told her only show up if you ever think you may want to be with me again.

There is no need for a lawyer in my situation, we still have enough respect for each other to work things outside of court, This is literally a wkman i been with since i was a child.


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## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

deethatguy said:


> So although it's only been 4 weeks i just sat down and told her





Nic21 said:


> No one can say she's cheating just from what you've written, so don't be dragged into believing that.
> What are you supposed to have done, just got complacent?
> 
> Im not one for mind games or tit-for-tat stuff. I'd probably back off though, because if nothing else it's doing you no good when it's not reciprocated, it has to be hurting even more each time you try. That's not to say its easy, esp if you've been showing this person affection for so long and now it's supposed to end out of the blue.
> ...


I can see everything she types on her phone and the most she has done was search divorce in "mystate" on December 23rd after a fight. Nothing else. I aksi gave her her computer and told her that's how i been knowing everything.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

deethatguy said:


> she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her. i can see all ger phone activity, i can see thr gpa on her car, i have found nothing at all that could lead to cheating, other than whats app i cant see nothing on there cause im blocked. i 100 percent believe she did not cheat on me.


Shes having an emotional affair with another man on Whatsapp. It is a form of infidelity and leads to a full on physical affair at some point. She has blocked you on Whatsapp for a reason.


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## Nic21 (Jan 15, 2021)

Maybe it's being together for so long that's a problem rather than you, you're both likely different people to what you were when you started out and that's no ones fault. Talking to other men might just be a way of reaching out, we don't always want to talk to family, maybe they're not close enough to do so, or too close to be impartial.. I'm sure she's speaking to women too, but in this situation the men probably stand out?
You've said your bit, if you've been clear and honest it's time to just step back I think, she probably realised you meant it, you've stopped chasing and it's becoming a reality. 
Whatever the outcome I genuinely wish you the best, being with someone is great when it's working, painful when it's not.. so hard when you put your all into one person believing its forever. I hope you get the outcome you deserve


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let her go fully. Don’t fall for the BS. You are the only one who can keep yourself in limbo. You control yourself and your phone.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

maree said:


> Shes having an emotional affair with another man on Whatsapp. It is a form of infidelity and leads to a full on physical affair at some point. She has blocked you on Whatsapp for a reason.


This happens all the time but a lot would rather live in denial than face the facts.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

So when do you file for divorce and begin dating?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

deethatguy said:


> She still allpws me to kiss her forehead but pulls back on a lip kiss and will still allow me to hug her.


I guess she feels like she's cheating on her boyfriend.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

BruceBanner said:


> I guess she feels like she's cheating on her boyfriend.


Yep, that’s it exactly.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

deethatguy said:


> she told me she hasnt cheated and i believe her.












Ignoring what I just read, you need to move on, your wife has checked out of the marriage/relationship. It's over.
So:


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

deethatguy said:


> So although it's only been 4 weeks i just sat down and told her the reality of i need a exit plan for her to leave and she wants to still wants to do things as a family but i told her we can no longer do that because you dont want to be a family so everything will be without each other for now on. I stayed calm during this whole conversation and told her this is the last hug and kiss you will ever get from me. I also had her tell me what i want out of this marriage, so i know she knows my feelings of wanting to work things out. I also told her to be honest with me if she is still talking to guys and she said no and i believe her so i told her i will remain faithful to her until i have divorce papers in hand. This is the first time she has cried through everything but she still says she thinks she will be better on her own so im letting her go. As far as marriage counseling goes, i will send her the date and time before the appt if she shows she shows. I told her only show up if you ever think you may want to be with me again.
> 
> There is no need for a lawyer in my situation, we still have enough respect for each other to work things outside of court, This is literally a wkman i been with since i was a child.



This is kind of a baby step in the right direction but still some leaps backwards.

You are on the right track that is she doesn’t want to be married to you then it’s time to pack her shyt and move out. 

Have boundaries as a man and a husband and enforce them.

A perfectly valid boundary is if a woman doesn’t want to be marines to you, doesn’t want to have affection/sexual contact with you and wants to interact with other men, then she does not get housed, provisioned and supported as a wife. 

If she wants to be a single woman, then make her a single woman. She can leave the marital home, pay her own rent and utilities, unclog her own toilet, change her own flat tires and kill her own spiders. 

You are making some baby steps towards that and that is good. Keep think and moving along those lines. Faithful, loving wives can get supported and housed and provisioned. Cheating ho’s (and she *IS *cheating here) and women that want to be single, do not. It’s that simple. 

However you are still backsliding and dropping the ball in other areas.

I would not vow fidelity to her while she is interacting with other men and wanting out if the marriage.

She has declared her want to be separate and divorced. She is interacting with other men. There for she has waived her right to your sexual fidelity and exclusivity. 

She has declared her want to divorce, she is no longer having physical contact with you and she is getting with other men - there for what you do with your sexuality is no longer any of her business. She has no claim to your sexuality anymore. Do as you wish.

Also, it is a mistake to not consult your own attorney. You need your own legal advice and advocacy for your best interests.

The court system is heavily biased towards the female in a divorce and you will likely take in the shorts to a degree even if you have very good legal guidance and representation. 

But if you do not have sound legal guidance and representation, you arena sitting duck and will get raped by her and the court. 

Get a damn lawyer whether you think you need one or not. Don’t be penny wise and hundreds of thousands of dollars foolish.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

deethatguy said:


> I can see everything she types on her phone and the most she has done was search divorce in "mystate" on December 23rd after a fight. Nothing else. I aksi gave her her computer and told her that's how i been knowing everything.


Dude! Time to wake up. She’s not stupid and she has a very big head start on you here.

She knows you got into her phone and social media accounts and knows that you know she’s interacting with other men so she has simply gone a little more underground and is using other methods of communicating. 

You are hooked on denial and Hopium here and you are grasping at any straw you can grab onto that helps you convince yourself she’s not detaching from you and getting with other men.

Here is a simple fact of life - unless her husband is beating her or is an unemployed, falling down drunk, women with small children do not leave their husband’s unless they believe they have a bigger and better deal all lined up and secured. 

They do not pack up kids and leave one nest unless they have a bigger and comfier nest to immediately settle into.

If you are not beating her or the kids and are not a chronically unemployed drunk or aren’t a completely recalcitrant cheater yourself that bangs other women on the kitchen table in front of the kids, then she is getting with some other dude(s).


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Nic21 said:


> *No one can say she's cheating just from what you've written*, so don't be dragged into believing that.
> What are you supposed to have done, just got complacent?
> 
> Im not one for mind games or tit-for-tat stuff. I'd probably back off though, because if nothing else it's doing you no good when it's not reciprocated, it has to be hurting even more each time you try. That's not to say its easy, esp if you've been showing this person affection for so long and now it's supposed to end out of the blue.
> ...


ha! Watch this: *Dude, she’s totally cheating.* I can say that because it if walks like a duck and talks like a duck, and the duck has a cheating app and blocks her husband, and says to her own husband she wants to chase other men, she’s a quacker.

he needs to get out of Egypt and go fishing in a different river. The more he chases, the faster she will fly away.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

So when are you filing for divorce?

she has left this marriage! Time for YOU to take action on what she announced - that she wants a divorce.

move half of your money and assets into your name ONLY (otherwise you’ll find she has taken ALL of it). Do that NOW! Change all access passwords on every account you have - including atm cards.

close all of her credit cards... she can get new ones. That way she is responsible for what she spends money on - you won’t have to pay half.

start protecting yourself! If you don’t - she’s gonna leave you with NOTHING!

if someone is to move - it should be her! She wants out = SHE should be inconvenienced! AND she should pay for what she needs. After she moves change the locks and garage door Access codes.

stop making it easy for her to treat you badly. Make HER uncomfortable.


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## Shangri-La (Dec 23, 2020)

Have to agree 100% with the rest of the posts on here dude. 

I listened to some of the sage advice on here, an am exceptionally glad that i did. 

And pretty hard to dismiss advice on face value as the people offering it (in their own free time and free will!) Have walked the same path as yourself (and myself) 

Yes the specifics and detail may differ from story to story but the same theme is present and underpins the situation. 

Definitely and pretty swiftly removed any fog from my glasses and got rid of any smoke she was trying to blow in my direction.

That was a month ago, I'd not like to think what headspace I would be in if I didn't right now.

IF she attempts to get back with you, and it is an IF. 

It will be when she realises her life isn't so glorious atall and hits rock bottom. The very same rock bottom she is making you feel right now....which she caused! 

Ill eat my words if she isn't... but she is most definately cheating on you. Her brain is no longer wired to seeing you as anything more than the father to your kids now.

Don't beat yourself for things that happened in the past, it's irrelevant. 

What is relevant is that you are now (at best) a back up plan if things go wrong for her. Your plan A is yourself right now, closely followed by the kids because if 

Use the time while her head is on the clouds to gain some momentum in yourself to be the one holding the cards in this divorce, because right now it doesn't sound like you are. 

Her love interests will, if played right by you NOW leave you in a much better position as you can use her love fog to get what you want. These people just care about wanting to be with the person they probably believe to be their soul mate right now. 

Play the long game, for YOU. Become emotionally neutral to her. 

A couple of months in and there are still days where it hurts, can get slammed in the chest with anxiety some mornings on waking up....this is a body still processing grief and loss. My head however, and thanks in a big part to this forum is way ahead (most of the time) of my emotions.

You will turn a corner brother. But PLEASE do not dismiss the advice here.

All the best on your journey.


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## Shangri-La (Dec 23, 2020)

And to echo some of the above. Do NOT move!!

I agreed to move, but on the strict grounds the property was of equal standard to the one we are in, not for me, for the kids.

Oddly enough she wasn't prepared to wait for me to cherry pick out a place to rent that was ideal for me and is now at a 2 bed flat (we have 3 kids) and pretty cramped. Whilst I'm still in the 3 bedroom house with a nice garden and great location.

Discover the leverage you currently don't think or care that you have.

If I didn't I could have ended up living out of my car with nothing.

Peace


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let’s say they come back. The capability is there to do it again. 
Once a cheater always a cheater is a myth but many do go though it again. 
The problem you just don’t know.


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## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

So i have been working a extra job to pay off debt, sp she can move out, Originally thjis extra job was for our family to have extra cash to blow. She agreed to stop shopping and i agreed to stop buying expensive cars and car parts. I came home from work yesterday to boxes of ckothes and shoes on our front porch and she lied and said i bought this stuff over a month ago after finally admitting late in the argument she bought it last week. I never argue with her but got so mad i told her to pack her stuff and move out or go live with her mom until she figures herself out and her plan. She refused to leave and said i pay half the bills and left out the house for 5 hours and went shopping(car gps). She came back at 830 pm and has been acting like everything is normal. I told her i am no lonfer paying off debt until she shows me she can stop shopping. I decided to no longer speak to her, unless about kids and i am putting cash to the side for myself right now.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Did you separate money and assets yet?

did you close all credit cards and open in your name only? She will be responsible for what SHE spends if you force her to spend in her name only.
It only takes a few credit cards - hello? I want to close my accounts - I also want to open one in my name only - send the new card to my workplace please. Done.

do it. No reason to wait.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

The first post explaining the situation was cringeworthy. 

She has no respect for you and she's got good reason not to.

Get yourself together, manup and refuse to be treated this way. 

The begging only gives her the green light to do whatever she wants with no repurcussions because she knows you're deathly afraid to lose her.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

deethatguy said:


> So i have been working a extra job to pay off debt, sp she can move out, Originally thjis extra job was for our family to have extra cash to blow. She agreed to stop shopping and i agreed to stop buying expensive cars and car parts. I came home from work yesterday to boxes of ckothes and shoes on our front porch and she lied and said i bought this stuff over a month ago after finally admitting late in the argument she bought it last week. I never argue with her but got so mad i told her to pack her stuff and move out or go live with her mom until she figures herself out and her plan. She refused to leave and said i pay half the bills and left out the house for 5 hours and went shopping(car gps). She came back at 830 pm and has been acting like everything is normal. I told her i am no lonfer paying off debt until she shows me she can stop shopping. I decided to no longer speak to her, unless about kids and i am putting cash to the side for myself right now.


get a legal separation so that you are no longer liable for her debt -- whatever she does after the legal separation is HER issue, not yours.
Just tell her to return those items -- doesn't matter WHEN she ordered them -- just return them all.
As for not talking:
180 for Betrayed Spouses


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your plan sucks.

wait until you pull a credit report and find some mystery credit cards.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She’s using you and you know it... so at this point it’s only your fault for not taking steps to protect yourself/your future.

expect more packages to be delivered...every day.

it’s easy to shut down credit cards. Only takes a few days to get new ones delivered. 🙄


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, you are in such pain you aren’t thinking as you would normally. So get an attorney tomorrow!!! Not the day after. Tomorrow.
As everyone says, her spending sprees—- YOU will pay for them. YOU will have your world shut down and be PAYING her to play house with other men. Please stop delaying any real action and see an attorney and get a legal separation. Your truest friends should be harassing you daily to get this done to protect yourself. You will not believe what she is capable of. You won’t know her very soon. Right after you cut her money off.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Think of it this way... you really want to be buying/paying for her sexy lingerie for her meetings with the OM? If not, shut down her ability to spend.


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## deethatguy (Jan 14, 2021)

I was thinking last night, i have self worth, i have cried and begged, i have forgiven her for cheating with no apology to me, i have forgiven her for lying to me with no apology to me. I love this woman to death and she obviously does not love me the same. Im gonna draft the divorce papers myself today.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Something you need to wrap your head all the way around: You loved the person you THOUGHT she was. You are going to grieve the loss of the person you thought she was. But realistically, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the person she actually IS. This is who she is. A cheater who’d betray the very person she swore to always be faithful to. Have you cheated?
If not, you KNOW that there are people out there that stand by their vows and work on their current relationship rather than latch on to a new thing.

I’d advise again that you see an attorney. Don’t do a divorce without legal advice.


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## Nellybelly (Jan 19, 2021)

deethatguy said:


> December 7, i asked my wife was she mad at me cause she been acting different for about 2 weeks. She said no, so then jokingly i said you acting like you wanna break up and thats when it all came out that she wanted a divorce.
> 
> I immediately began begging for thr next few weeks, always down, trying to fnd a way back into her heart but i have been unable too. She told me she has been flirting with guys she used to work with on whatsapp but has not taken it any further or seen them in person, but told me she is not gonna stop because she is now separated. She moved downstairs, told her family(5 people) who lived in our house for 10 years durring our marriage, told our son and tells me everytime i ask for her to open her heart she knows what she wants and right now she wants a divorce.
> 
> ...


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## Nellybelly (Jan 19, 2021)

Sounds like she's done and nothing you do will change it. I had similar experience, my boyfriend of 23 years was being mean and I comment that "I don think you like me never mind love me" and he said nothing which actually said a lot. You deserve to be with someone who loves you,wants to be with you and makes you happy. Or you could be a recluse like me and have a pug for a bff lol


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Are you avoiding doing this through an attorney because of the cost?


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