# She had a three month affair with a friend



## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

It hurts so bad I don’t know what to say so I’m just going to start typing. I was gone for the summer working. A friend came back in town, not a super close friend before all this but a friend none the less. She started talking to him before he even came back. They continued having a relationship until days before I came back. After I got back we all hung out regularly for three weeks. They put on a total front to me. I was a little suspicious so I looked at her old cell phones and found some very vulgar text messages. When I confronted her she would not tell me until I told her what I knew. Wow! Recalling all this is horrible. When we finally talked about it I feel she was honest based on the phone records I looked up it sounded truthful. 

She was the best thing that ever happened to me. We have been thru so much I can’t just walk away. I want to work things out but I don’t know if I can forgive her. She says she will do anything for my forgiveness. I get the sex and the affair hurts but all the lying to my face from the two of them for three weeks is ripping me apart. 

There is a lot of extenuating circumstances so I will try to explain some history. We are young. 25 years old and got married at 18. No kids. We have been trying to introduce other women and other couples to the bedroom. She recommended I could sleep with other women while I was gone and she could sleep with other women as well. I said I would rather not sleep with other women then allow her to be with other men. She told me its ok for me to do it as long as we told each other and she won’t sleep with men. I feel it was a huge mistake to be with other women and I regret it. 

So again I get her sleeping with someone else and I get her doing it with him for reasons I can’t get into right now but can discuss later. What I don’t think get over is the three weeks of lying to my face about it. I don’t know if I can ever trust her again because how well she lied to me. 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I want to leave but can’t imagine a life without her.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

A marriage is between 2 people.

Anytime a third or fourth person is brought into the mix it is most often a disaster. Someone is going to get hurt.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Unless you are here to post constructive advice, please skip making useless and/or disrespectful comments to the original poster.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I am so sorry you are here. BUt, you post makes several important points. 
1) You are young
2) No kids.

Chaulk this up to experience. Move on.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I may believe is marriage destructive, I my argue It's not my thing but to each his own. The "openess" is irrelevant.
Cheaters in open marriages do it for exactly the same reasons of those in "tradictional" couples. Entitlement, selfishness, lack of integrity, lack of self and other respect, seeking trills by going on your partner back (power, control).
She's not diferrent than the other cheaters in the world.
So why did she this when she has even more oportunities in this arrangement? See above, same reasons than the run on the mill.
The openess must stop for a while. Until she build back the trust.
If you snoop for a while it's possible you find out more. Most times what we find out is not more than tip of the iceberg. Embrace for a while the PI mode.

I'm sorry man. Specially for making you socialize with POSOM, the nerve. Blatant lack of respect. Hard to visualize the glances, the half smiles... 

Keep reading, keep texting.
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You don't have kids. Don't bother, she is not worth the huge effort it takes to get past infidelity. There is no excuse, there are no circumstances that justify infidelity.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

Kando, thanks for being honest and stright to the point. I have thought about that a lot.

Acabado, I think your right to keep it one on one. I am waiting on a transcript of text messages on her phone. If she wasent compleatly honest when she came clean i am gone. She said three times in three months, i find that hard to believe given how much they talked on the phone. The socializing is what i cant get over. 

Am I a push over for wanting to make it work? I dont want to be hurt like this again..


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> Kando, thanks for being honest and stright to the point. I have thought about that a lot.
> 
> Acabado, I think your right to keep it one on one. I am waiting on a transcript of text messages on her phone. If she wasent compleatly honest when she came clean i am gone. She said three times in three months, i find that hard to believe given how much they talked on the phone. The socializing is what i cant get over.
> 
> Am I a push over for wanting to make it work? I dont want to be hurt like this again..



A push over for want to make it work? Absolutely not!

You will be a push over if you find she deceived you further and do nothing. Then yes. 

Stay strong. Keep a level head. I was going to add that you should take everything she says with a grain of salt. But you might need a salt shaker instead.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

thanks walkonmars. i do find my self hoping to find she lied more to make it easy. i was so happy when i knew i loved her. i hate not knowing any more.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> Am I a push over for wanting to make it work? I dont want to be hurt like this again..


You are not a push over. You love her. It's perfectly natural.

Now think about it from another POV.

People rarely change. It takes a huger effort, ability to instrospection, perseverance. The chances a proven cheater is going to repeat are huge unless the make the hard work on themselves. Still there's no garantees.

You are basicaly in the honeymoon phase of your marriage, with no responsabilities. Life is fun and carefree... and she's already cheating. WTF! What's going to happen when you have a mortage, a couple of kids, life become mundane, too busy for quality times, tons of disapointments, arguments, resentments, get used to each other... see what I mean?

If she repeats this years ahead you will be more invested (I'm not minimizing the dept of your love, the emotional investivment you have), way more you can imagine. The aftermath of cheating with the baggage of kids, finances, extended families.-. is simply horrible.


That's why people who are cheated when they are young, young couples without kids are almost always encoraged to run.


I will support you whatever decision you take.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> thanks walkonmars. i do find my self hoping to find she lied more to make it easy. i was so happy when i knew i loved her. i hate not knowing any more.


You don't leave she does. Tell her in fact to move in with the "friend"! Man that really sux.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

Acabado, that sucks to read but sounds right. You give good advice. May I ask what was your experience?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Unfortunately cheaters lie 3 times could be 9 ect. If you want to try to work this out she has to Get tested for stds you could demand a polygraph test for her. Take your time and think about it and don't have sex until the tests come back


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

polygraph may be a good idea and give me some piece of mind. i might wait to get the text logs back first. thanks


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> She was the best thing that ever happened to me. We have been thru so much I can’t just walk away. *(1) I want to work things out but I don’t know if I can forgive her.* She says she will do anything for my forgiveness. I get the sex and the affair hurts but all the lying to my face from the two of them for three weeks is ripping me apart.
> 
> There is a lot of extenuating circumstances so I will try to explain some history. We are young. 25 years old and got married at 18. No kids. *(2) We have been trying to introduce other women and other couples to the bedroom. She recommended I could sleep with other women while I was gone and she could sleep with other women as well. I said I would rather not sleep with other women then allow her to be with other men. She told me its ok for me to do it as long as we told each other and she won’t sleep with men. I feel it was a huge mistake to be with other women and I regret it. *
> 
> ...


1) In your eyes, the betrayal of lying to your face for the couple of weeks after you came back was worse than the extramarital affair itself. I have this strange feeling that if she would have confessed right away that you would have actually been OK with it overall, even if the affair sex hurt you. I think you are splitting something into parts that should not be split. Both are the same, continuing action. She betrayed your trust by first bedding your friend and then the two of you lying to your face about it. Splitting it into 2 separate events confuses the situation to be honest. However... 

2) ...you opened the door to this behavior. So you wanted the threesome (foursome) experience to bring spice into the marriage? Was it your idea, because it seems to be originally slanted more heavily in your favor by the two of you trying to seek out women and couples as opposed to men only. These ideas generally blow up in the married couples faces - especially the man's - because you're playing with fire when you try to add outsiders to the relationship. In reality, and assuming your wife is bi-curious if not equally attracted to women, your wife could just as easily become attached to a female as a male. It's not safer for the marriage if the 3rd party is a woman as opposed to a man. Stop pursuing it altogether, because if you don't your marriage will fail.

3) You can understand why your friend and your wife would sleep together? That implies that there must have been some red flags that you knew about but did not pursue? So when your wife green lighted you to go ahead and cheat with other women, didn't you think that something bad would be going on at your home? Your instincts should have kicked into high gear and you should have been on guard. 

Bottom line, if the two of you are still in love and want to make this marriage work, you need to toss out the idea of bringing other people into your bedroom to start. The fact you were actively pursuing something like this, IMHO, brought down your wife's inhibitions to pursue an extramarital affair. Also, the two of you need to become 100% transparent because you need to rebuild trust on both sides. You may not have strayed in your marriage, but actively seeking out threesomes is not poison to a marriage. Your mindset right now cannot be trusted, and you need to be accountable to your wife too so that the 2 of you can rededicate yourselves to each other 100% EXCLUSIVELY.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

1. Inviting others into your sex life is almost guaranteed to split you apart. That's something you do with a friends with benefits partner, someone with whom you are not interested in having a long-term relationship, not someone with whom you are in love and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Whose idea was it initially to bring others into the bedroom?

2. Have you considered the possibility that your wife may have planned this in advance, even before you went away? That's what my suspicion is. I think she knew you were going away, urged you to screw around, then lined up your friend for whom she always had the hots, justifying to herself that it was OK because you were getting some, too. How is it that she actually urged you to hook up with other women when you were away? That's not what your original plan was, it was to have threesomes and foursomes, not have sex with outside parties without each other present. You really did not want her to have another man without you present, but obviously she did not feel the same about you being with other women. Why not? Do you think you care more for her than she does for you?

3. If they had easy access to each other and were in frequent contact, there is about 100 percent chance that three times in three months is a whopping lie . Why does she say they limited it to three times? How many texts and how many hours of calls were there? Is there any pattern to when they contacted each other? Any gaps at night or other times when they said they hooked up?

4. The lies and the trickle truth (telling you the truth in bits and pieces over an extended time period) are what most betrayed spouses find the hardest to get over, so you are not alone. When caught, the possibility that the cheater will lie and trickle truth is about 100 percent. I'm not kidding. Look at the other threads here and see if you can find a single one where the cheater told the whole truth right off the bat. Even when they confessed out of guilt and not because they were found out by their spouse.

5. Why did she say she did it? It just happened? It was your fault? It was only fair because you were hooking up with other women?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> 2. *I think she knew you were going away, urged you to screw around, then lined up your friend for whom she always had the hots, justifying to herself that it was OK because you were getting some, too.*
> 
> I definitely agree with this. The OP acknowledged that they were in contact before he left. This was clearly planned in advance.
> 
> ...


OP, your wife is lying to you. You already mentioned a polygraph. Probably not a bad idea if you want to get to the root of this quickly.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Yup, you're young at 25. And no kids.

In a marriage this new and she's cheating already with the mindset that it's okay for you to cheat. If you stay with her, it'll make for a long-term rocky marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you realize that she likely already had him planned and lined up even before you were gone? He telling you to cheat while gone was her setting you up to have no leg to stand on if you caught her.

They hay ave been cheating even before you left.

My advice:
1. Exposé him on cheaterville.com
2. Polygraph for her
3. Of course you have cut the OM completely out of both your lives?
4. Full access to her phone and email
5. Put a var in her car
6. Exposé her cheating to close family and friends.

Do not rug sweep.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Read about sunk cost fallacy..

What you want and what the reality is are different issues..Ignoring the reality will only leave you in a much worse position. 

The fact is, she cheated on you..You will have to live with for the rest of your life. Give some thought on whether you can trust her with the rest of your life. You do not want her cheating on you after you guys have kids. Right now, you are no position to look at the situation objectively. Take some time before you decide to reconcile.

The cheating was planned, not a drunk mistake. And she was caught, she did not confess. She would have kept cheating if you hadn't caught her. She is probably still lying about the affair and minimizing it..

If she has an iphone, you can recover the texts easily.

Good luck


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

thanks to everyone for the help. It seems when we talk it gets better.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Hey Florida,


I'm not into cheating, and I've learned that sweeping it under the rug doesn't help either.

But if your wife is into submission, then take all that anger you've got and handcuff your wife to the bed, face down. I'm sure you could teach her a lesson, and I'm sure you've got it in you to be a dominant male.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

HiF, go back and reread your 1st post," they was communicating before he came back and before you left".
So yes, you was set up.
True,you opened the door, but she was staging this long before.

What you need to do, is to look at why at this earliey stage of your marriage, that you need to include others.

What will your marriage be like 10yrs from now, if the two of you need outsiders now ???
I have nothing against ppl doing what they want, as long as they are not hurting someone, but you guys need to learn how to sustain the passion for just each other first.
And as I see it, you are focusing on the wrong end.
True, thats where you are finding the betrayal, but go back to the beginning. The communicating without your knowledge before his return, is where the deceit started.

If you REALLY want to make this work, or think you can make it work, find a good MC.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

There too many honest women in FL to worry about this one, throw her back in the pond and keep fishing.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

You have been given a lot of good advise, you need to organize your thoughts and identify exactly WHAT YOU WANT and WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO DEAL WITH.

1. You have just identified the issue, you are trying to fix it.
2. Will you ever be able to fix the marriage enough to make it work or will you always have pain about this issue?
3. Is your wife wanting to fix it or does she view this as YOUR problem and that you need to get over it?

There are a lot of threads on here about people who tried to "FIX IT" but the other partner never showed REMORSE or was willing to put the work into it they ended up back here.

Understand you have a broken marriage, it will never be the same, what happens now will be something new that may not be what you want. 

Is it worth the effort if she is not vested in it?

Your decision.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

She will hurt you again. I'm really sorry all of this happened.

It's best you move and and find a faithful woman. Like its stated above "a marriage is between two people". I fully agree with this. It will never ever work out accepting others into your marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

hurtinflorida said:


> thanks to everyone for the help. It seems when we talk it gets better.


Of course it goes better, because she has more time to give you lots of reassurance and to play the I'm sorry you are hurt.

It's called mollification.

The questions are, is she really remorseful, is she going to do it again, is she going to go NC including a letter, is she going to take a polygraph , is she going to ever tell you the full truth?

She had sex with him planned and possibly occurring even before you left. What about that ?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Of course it goes better, because she has more time to give you lots of reassurance and to play the I'm sorry you are hurt.
> 
> It's called mollification.
> 
> ...


you guys have to air out both your goals and boundaries in this marriage TODAY! You want the full truth today.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is it possible that the affair went deeper under ground? 
Maybe they just cooled off?

To prevent from getting screwed over again, do you own investigation (the text log is great and confirms when this all started) confirm what she is telling you *now* is not just more lies.

Look for a burner phone, plant a VAR and install a key logger.

Remember she has been practicing deciet for 4 month she is getting better at it....so please, quitely continue to investigate her recommitment to the marriage and protect your self from more deceit.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> Acabado, that sucks to read but sounds right. You give good advice. May I ask what was your experience?


My experience is long term tradicional marriage with three kids. Full romantic and sexual affair 3 years ago, almost divorce, she came around and I agreed to gave it a last shot. We are mostly reconciled now after the worse pain I've suffered ever, one I never though I could endure. One I'll never suffer again. Recociliation after infidelity is rare. Staying miserably together is the norm puting aside quick divorces.
I had too much to consider to just go away.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I can't stress enough what some posters above already told.
She had it all planned in advance, she absolved herself by letting you have your share of other females. She was lying to you way before the travel. She showed you she loves manipulate you.

She' very good at it. Liers only get better with time, they learn from thier errors.

She must earn you trust, very hard. She needs to find out why she's this way. I'm sure it's a patern. She cheated in the past, if not on you, on her pasts relationship. Maybe she learned it from her FOO. She needs to dig hard and train herself.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Do you see how deep the hole this infidelity created is? You have no kids, cut her loose, Start fresh with someone who is at least not a proven cheater.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

Thanks to all. I needed to here from people with no ties either way. Thanks


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

By the way what is a VAR


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> By the way what is a VAR


Voice activated recorder
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Why even bother to get married if you want to screw other people?

(I need to quit getting sucked into these poly-amorous threads.)

[sigh]


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The VAR is a most....it should be in every cheater police tool box!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Why even bother to get married if you want to screw other people?
> 
> (I need to quit getting sucked into these poly-amorous threads.)
> 
> [sigh]


Count, it just ain't that simple.

22 years ago I though I would never be pushing my wife around much less her sleeping around!

Sh!t happens!


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Yeah but guy, these two went into it still wanting to sleep around. Why bother getting married then, that'd just asking for a heap of grief!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> 1. Inviting others into your sex life is almost guaranteed to split you apart. That's something you do with a friends with benefits partner, someone with whom you are not interested in having a long-term relationship, not someone with whom you are in love and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Whose idea was it initially to bring others into the bedroom?
> 
> 2. Have you considered the possibility that your wife may have planned this in advance, even before you went away? That's what my suspicion is. I think she knew you were going away, urged you to screw around, then lined up your friend for whom she always had the hots, justifying to herself that it was OK because you were getting some, too. How is it that she actually urged you to hook up with other women when you were away? That's not what your original plan was, it was to have threesomes and foursomes, not have sex with outside parties without each other present. You really did not want her to have another man without you present, but obviously she did not feel the same about you being with other women. Why not? Do you think you care more for her than she does for you?
> 
> ...


Standard WW play book deal. Get you to sleep around so she can do it and justifiy she was not cheating.

Though WW's leave out the detail of how if she keeps banging the OM a secret that it is cheating.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

you all have to understand im not mad about her sleeping with anouther man. I cant beleve she lied to me about it. Three weeks of her me and the guy she had a three month "relationship" with hanging out together. That is what i concider betrail. please only be helpfull, not judgmential. i understand our life style may not be for you and in that case dont reply. The reason you see so much of the open relationships here is that we cant go to friends and family about our situation for help and advice, So we turn to strangers. I know many people that have been very happy for a long time with this life style. I know more couples that broke up that did not share our views and i also know alot of couples that stay true and are very happy.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

i herd a lot of people say this is a bacic play for her. I am looking forward to the call and text log from her phone. it takes a while to get. The voice recorder will also be put in place. I cant beleive i am doing all this to prove it to my self. I feel like i should beleive she is telling the truth but i need prof. I cant wait for the text log and maybe polygraph.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to understand that an open marriage does not include chatting.

Cheating is lies and betrayal.

What you seem to be finding here is that your wife is not into an open marriage, but she is a cheater.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

shaggy i know. i am her second lover and love. she doesent know what she is giving up.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> shaggy i know. i am her second lover and love. she doesent know what she is giving up.


She does know but she simply doesn't care. The sooner you get that the faster you'll heal yourself.


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## hurtinflorida (Nov 5, 2012)

keko, so should i just give everything we had been thru up?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> keko, so should i just give everything we had been thru up?


That's your decision and yours only. 

If your happy with the status quo then don't but if you deserve much better then what she can provide, run to the nearest exit.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

If you have no kids, there is simply no added motivation to reconcile with a cheating partner. At 25, you have a better chance of actually finding a mature and committed spouse a few years down the line. And the fact that you're young means that you have four times the chance of landing a very pretty girl compared to an old fart like me. Imagine living with her for another 20 years and finding out that it happened again. She might be remorseful, but that doesn't mean that you have to reconcile with her.

Good Luck


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

D you want to live rest of the life with suspicion, pain and hurt with a cheating wife?
Lot of ladies are there who will love you and care for your well being.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

What do you think the betrayal means to you? In what ways will it effect you?

Why were you away? For work? Do you share finances?


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## Penny_Lane (Nov 2, 2012)

IMO this is what you're question to her should be....

If she is a proponent of an open marriage, which takes enormous amounts of trust, why did she lie to you? 
(They are "counter" to each other - open marriage vs. lies.)

When you hear the correct answer, you'll know it.
If her answer is somehow turning around and blaming you, it's not the correct answer. This is about her.

I also suspect, there's not a whole lot of maturity here to handle something as complicated as an open marriage?

May I ask, I wondered, after reading your post, do you believe the reason why she was inquiring about an open marriage, was actually a guilt factor at play to cover up or then make "ok" the fact that she was with/wanted someone else?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Did she really played you with open marriage?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Why even bother to get married if you want to screw other people?
> 
> (I need to quit getting sucked into these poly-amorous threads.)
> 
> [sigh]


Well, at least you know how it's going to end when you start. In divorce court. All roads lead to Rome.


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## old_soldier (Jul 17, 2012)

Good morning hurtinflorida,

I caught my XW right in the act of infidelity. Her solution was to have an open marriage. I could not live with the fact of putting my mouth or manhood where some OM did, so I divorced her. It broke my heart, but I rationalized "better a broken heart then being a cuckold".

To me a cuckold is weak and spineless, men who allow their wives to have sex with other people are weak and spineless. Open marriages are still infidelity, albeit negotiated infidelity. They are the destruction of everything that is pure and honourable between a husband and wife. But that's just me. My opinion only! Take it for what its worth.

You have to decide what is good for you. Ask yourself what is acceptable for you, can you live with a cheating, lieing wife.

Again, my opinion only; if she's done it once and you let her away with it, will she do it again? Are you prepared to share her with half the neighbourhood, or is truth, honesty and fidelity your battle call? You have to decide.

I will caution you, there are those that will tell you an open marriage is the greatest thing since sliced bread, they are lieing to you!


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

From what you say there really is No Marriage even if you consider it an Open Marriage. You cannot Trust her.

Ask yourself, are you wanting to stay married to her, by document only, because you think you can control her? As it is obvious, you cannot and she has no intention of letting you.

If all you are interested in is the Sex, just divorce why stay married, what are the benefits to you. As of right now you are tearing yourself apart because she is living in an Open Marriage that she wants with no respect for you.

Not a good relationship to build a life on. 

Read what Old Soldier stated several times, Read it when you get up and read it before you get some Z's it may finally open your eyes.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> you all have to understand im not mad about her sleeping with anouther man. I cant beleve she lied to me about it. Three weeks of her me and the guy she had a three month "relationship" with hanging out together. That is what i concider betrail. please only be helpfull, not judgmential. i understand our life style may not be for you and in that case dont reply. The reason you see so much of the open relationships here is that we cant go to friends and family about our situation for help and advice, So we turn to strangers. I know many people that have been very happy for a long time with this life style. I know more couples that broke up that did not share our views and i also know alot of couples that stay true and are very happy.





hurtinflorida said:


> i herd a lot of people say this is a bacic play for her. I am looking forward to the call and text log from her phone. it takes a while to get. The voice recorder will also be put in place. I cant beleive i am doing all this to prove it to my self. I feel like i should beleive she is telling the truth but i need prof. I cant wait for the text log and maybe polygraph.


YOU do not understand that this is how cheating is what happens in open marriages.

We have seen this too many times. This is why we call this a standard play from the WW handbook on how to cheat.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Stop calling that POSOM a friend. With friends like that......


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Through her choice to deliberately lie, and to keep him around fir weeks right in front of you, still lying to you, she's shown that she isn't capable of a open marriage.

One marriages take total complete trust.

But you'll never trust her like you once did. That's because she and you know she deliberately chose to betray and lie to you. She proved through her deliberate actions over months of time, that she cannot be trusted not to betray your trust.

At this point an open marriage would be nothing more than you accepting her cheating, endorsing it, and telling her to go do it again, it would also be you accepting plan B status on her life.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Step 1 Bang her friends, 2 beat his ass, 3 tell them all to F&*% off!

step 4 don't be dumbass and ask for this to happen next time!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Well, at least you know how it's going to end when you start. In divorce court. All roads lead to Rome.


When in Rome...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

hurtinflorida said:


> you all have to understand im not mad about her sleeping with anouther man. I cant beleve she lied to me about it. Three weeks of her me and the guy she had a three month "relationship" with hanging out together. That is what i concider betrail. please only be helpfull, not judgmential. i understand our life style may not be for you and in that case dont reply. The reason you see so much of the open relationships here is that we cant go to friends and family about our situation for help and advice, So we turn to strangers. I know many people that have been very happy for a long time with this life style. I know more couples that broke up that did not share our views and i also know alot of couples that stay true and are very happy.


There are a lot more monogamous couples than swingers. So go by percentages. Most swingers use it as a way stop on the way to divorce. Don't believe me? Look to your own experience.

What she did was cheating period. You seem to have no idea about the rules in a poly couple. Rule one is you NEVER have sex with someone else before you clear it with the other spouse. Not blanket amnesties but "I am sleeping with Brad." Because you might not like Brad. Or you might know Brad is dangerous in an emotional way.

So she cheated. Otherwise, she'd have called you on the phone and asked you if it was okay, not decided what is okay and that you should just accept it after she got her thunderous orgasms.

Not to mention that she said only women. Yet after all this you seem to want to defend the lifestyle without caveats.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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