# Isn't Getting Better or Worse



## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Hi all,

I posted here before, but took it down because I thought the wife would see it. Not the case, so I am back.

Here's the story - Met wife 12 years ago at work, I transferred in from another state. Became friends instantly. I was single, she was married. She divorced 1st hubby, 2001, abuse, seen it. She stayed single till 2004, married someone we both knew, his sister and I both told her not to marry him, he was bad news, she did it anyway. They married Nov 05, divorced Jan 06, abuse, seen it again. We talked and decided we should give us a try, so we did. Got together april 06,married Dec 08, still together, for now. 
We have had to lease since we been together, my job required frequent moving. I finally got a job where we could stay put. We bought a home in April this year, moved in May of this year. In May, she tells me, shes unhappy, in hell, doesnt want me to touch her and wants out, two weeks after we move in.:scratchhead:
Basically she says she has never really got past thinking of me as family, we have talked everyday for 12 years.She says she finally hit that point that she cant fight it anymore and needs to be by herself. She is my second marriage, I am her third, I a m 37 she is 33. 
Now I have read enough on here, she is not having a EA or PA, already investigated, several steps ahead. She is just thinking all about her right now. 
Anyway, we still have half the house boxed up from the move and so far he has no done one thing to pack or move out. She said we are splitting up and she cant change the way she feels.
So here we are nothing being done on her part, all the pictures still up, we still go out, havent been intimate since April, sleep in different rooms.
We have friends that play in a rock band, they just let their lead singer go and want a female lead singer, my wife is a amazing singer, they asked her, she accepted. her father who is a musician told her that was insensitive to me under the current situation. She came home the other day, asked me if I was mad at her and do I want her to hold off on the band thing? I said hold off till when, she said, I guess till we spilt up, I said when is That?, she quickly changed the subject. I am getting mixed signals, all the time, but she says she is done. Like I said, other than the intimacy and her hanging out with friends more, nothing is really different. I have told her if we split, I will be moving back to my home state, 1 1/2 hours away, never to return and all communication will be cut off, we have no kids. 
Lost in Limbo Land.

Any thoughts? I know this group is full of advice, i have read many posts.

Thank You


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

Maybe she is being honest, she sees you as family and you were there when she needed you. It sounds like she still needs you but no as a husband. I dont think thats fair to ask after you cross a certain line but I think thats where she is at.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Could be, it just kills me we have been together six years, the sex was great, everybody was jealous of our relationship, how close we were. How she could buy this house with me, then two weeks later, drop this bomb! I dont know what she is doing now? I take care off paying the bills, even her credit card. Is she planning her exit, is she in a tug of war,(which she has mentioned) she has said, why do you think i havent done anything? its to hard. My thing is, the longer this goes unresolved, the longer she has to look at me.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Would she go to MC or, at least, IC? Sounds like she really needs IC.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

We actually went to two sessions, one together, one apart, basically she said it was done, the counselor told her she should move out. She has told her family what is going on and they have turned against her, I have been around 12 years, they know me and how I treat her, they are mega pissed and basically are not talking to her right now. 
I dont if Mc will help, I have suggested sexual counseling, since that is where the problem lies, thinking of me as family isnt good for that.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

hey gang,

I really need some advice here on this ongoing saga, please? Its been two months now since she told me she wasnt happy and not in love with me. Still no intimacy, not touching what so ever, still in separate rooms. She says she is in no hurry to end this?????? She has brought up filing probably 5 times in the past two months. The only thing she has done so far is look up our state laws on divorce and open a checking account, that I had to co-sign on so she could have one.
We have conversations, we go out, just went to the lake this weekend.
She has asked a close friend if she wants to be her roommate. Other than that nothing else is being done on her part. She has told our friend, she needs to fix herself and said she does need therapy. If we do split, I have to move back to my hometown 1 1/2 hours away. She has asked me several times to stay here when we split, I always say no, I have to go back. I truly do not understand what she is waiting on, if she is done, then she is done. I am doing the 180 as best as I can...


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

She is in no hurry to end your relationship because you are still fulfilling some of her (immediate) needs: companionship, shelter, financial stability (checking account), etc. 

And, if she is inquiring about being someone's roommate, then it sounds like she has already made up her mind about your relationship. 

I'm sure she knows how much you love her. But she has acknowledged to her friend that she also needs to work on herself. She can't/won't be the person you need, deserve, and love until she is 100% in love with herself. And, even though she realizes the need for IC, she won't receive the full benefit of therapy until SHE is ready to do so. 

So, the question becomes what will YOU do now? I don't think it's fair for you to keep living in limbo.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

You are correct, my friends says she is "having her cake and eating it to" I agree.I guess my hold up is, once i am gone I am gone for good.It probably would be different if I was staying in the same town, there would be a remote chance if she got it together, who knows. But she knows I will move out of state once this is done and will not return and so do I. 

I know I am pretty much being walked on at the moment, I just feel trapped, because we just bought this house and I flat cant leave until its sold, (which its still not up for sell yet) I still cant get over why she would have bought this house with me and drop that bomb two weeks later. I know women think these things through for months, years, why would she do this if she didnt want me anyway?


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> I still cant get over why she would have bought this house with me and drop that bomb two weeks later. I know women think these things through for months, years, why would she do this if she didnt want me anyway?


She didn't want to rock the boat. Gotta keep up the cake-eating.

Is it possible to rent the house? Are you near a university or in an area that may appeal to young professionals?


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

I really just want to sell. I have made it clear to her, when this is all done, all communication will cease. She will not hear from me ever again. I dont want to leave, because I am from a very small town, but I cant stay here. She was one of the first people I met when I moved here 12 years ago. Everyone i know, she knows, i could never escape her. This is the one time in my life, i cant handle seeing a ex with someone else.

We were best friends for six years before we got together, been together six years. I flat just cant do it, I have to leave. we put our new camper up for sell today, actually i did, but when I try to discuss anything else like the house, our belongings, our three cats, she shuts down and wont talk about it. Idk.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

I understand. And, I hope everything works out for the best for both of you. 

So sorry that you're in this situation.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Ok, I am really trying this 180 thing, but this is tough. I have to figure out hot to have her fall in love with me again. We sleep in separate rooms, she doesn't want me touching her, but we still talk and go places together. She has threatened filing several times, but nothing yet. We have put a camper up for sale, but no packing, no house looking, no saving money to move, nothing on her part. Today is her birthday and her mom is taking us out to eat, then she wants her and I to go out afterwards. 
Any advice for me on how to continue??


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Ok, so maybe it is getting worse. It has been over 2 months now since the w told me she was unhappy and wanted out (2 weeks after we bought a new home, I was carrying in boxes when she told me) So basically, she does her thing and I do mine. he is not doing anything to end this. We put our new camper up for sale, no big deal, that is a expense that will be gone, yeah! But house is not up for sale, only been discussed a couple of times. No looking for a place to live, no bringing home boxes, nothing. I know this because I have a keylogger on the computer, nothing.

I can understand if she is comfortable, but she says it uncomfortable here and she doesnt want to be here. Shes telling everyone we are getting divorced. So my question is, how long can this go on? at some point she will want to meet someone, I would say and unless this stuff is done, we are stuck together. I know she doesnt have anyone, she is with the same friends all the time and home at the same time everyday. So what gives???


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Do you think that she really cares whether or not you two are divorced? 

At this point, she is living exactly the way she wants to live and you're STILL married. 

Getting a divorce will probably not change her feelings too much...especially if she's already telling others that you are headed down that path.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

I know, she is living how she wants to, while I take care of everything at home. I told her in the beginning of this, I would not do anything to end us, if she wanted that she would have to do it.

Well I have hit my breaking point I think. My problem is, the only place I have to move to, is my old hometown 1 1/2 hours away.
She has been told by her family and close friends, she is not welcome to come live them. That is why she is hanging with this other group of people is because they dont care, because they are not in relationships and are barfly's.

We have to put this house up for sale, only been here two months, we are going to take a bloodbath financially on it. We have a 1 yr old camper up for sale, again bloodbath financially, plus the debt we already have. I am highly considering bankruptcy just so I can get out of here and save my sanity. 

I guess I will have to take control of this and see what happens. I take care of everything else, why not this to. 

It truly amazes me, her family and close friends what she is giving up. I do everything for her, I have always shown tremendous love, security, compassion, fun, etc. We finally got the house we always wanted, we have good jobs, wonderful pets, great friends, etc. She is going to give this up to live in a dinky apartment or rental house, to hang out in bars and basically be a groupie with all the band friends. I dont think I will ever understand this.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> I can understand if she is comfortable, but she says it uncomfortable here and she doesnt want to be here. Shes telling everyone we are getting divorced. So my question is, how long can this go on? at some point she will want to meet someone, I would say and unless this stuff is done, we are stuck together. I know she doesnt have anyone, she is with the same friends all the time and home at the same time everyday. So what gives???


I understand your desire to win her back but maybe she did finally realize how messed up her life was and she wants to get straightened out. Coming from a couple (probably more) abusive relationships can really screw a person up. As much as it sucks, maybe she has some self awareness and will become a better person when it is all said and done. Unfortuneately it sounds like she would rather do it alone.

If you want her to do something, you have to give her an incentive to do so. Right now she is getting the best of both worlds, her freedom to do her own thing along with the finanical stability. She even has you as a friend to boot. Why should she be in a hurry? You are letting her do everything she wants and giving her a safe place to return.

Start to be proactive about getting on with your life. Call her bluff on ending the relationship. Pack some boxes, find a good realtor, start the paper work for selling the house, look for new places to live, and go to the courthouse to get the appropriate paperwork to start a divorce. Once she sees that you are taking her seriously about what she wants, you may get a different reaction.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> It truly amazes me, her family and close friends what she is giving up. I do everything for her, I have always shown tremendous love, security, compassion, fun, etc. We finally got the house we always wanted, we have good jobs, wonderful pets, great friends, etc. She is going to give this up to live in a dinky apartment or rental house, to hang out in bars and basically be a groupie with all the band friends. I dont think I will ever understand this.


This forum is filled with people whose spouses have "become" another person. But, the reality is that they have always been this way. They just hid it (very well) from us. 

Many of us will never get the understanding or answers we feel are due to us. It's unfortunate, but it is just that simple. 

Broken people have to put themselves back together. We can't do it for them.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

You have been right on the money. We had a talk this morning and I said I was calling the realtor tomorrow and getting this place listed. She started crying and said" Why do you think i havent filed yet, this is a unique situation. We have been best friends for 12 years, I know once I do this, you are gone forever. I have been back and forth, back and forth, but I just cant be happy in this. You have done nothing wrong, this is all me.

So with that, I will call the realtor tomorrow and I actually have been packing some. The worst part about this is, if she did come to her senses and some point after I leave, that would break my heart, because I can never return to this town once I leave. It is to hard to start over again back home and then leave it again. But I cant think about that, I have to look at the here and now, that she does not want this and the longer it drags on the worse it will get.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Ok, well the title can now be It Has Gotten Worse! It finally hit the breaking point a few weeks ago, when I found a facebook message between the W and some guy. Basically it was a high school friend she ran into while out in a club, guess she told him she was getting a divorce. He messaged her and said "You should consider me for a date sometime, I have been kicking myself for 15 years. Her reply "Aw really??? I will definitely go out on a date with you. Ok, I confronted her, she said yes I said that and meant some time in the future. I am no where near ready for anything like that. Well that did it for me, no one would take her in, we cant afford two places to live, especially after buying a new home three months ago. I had to move out, move back home 1 1/crazy2 hours away. Had her sign a Marital Agreement on everything, and left. She had the divorce papers filled out four weeks ago, but still has not filed. The house is up for sell and we will take a bloodbath on it. She is acting like she 16 again, out till 4 am, does nothing around the house, crazy!! What the hurts the most is we have been best friends for 12 years, together 6. I have never felt a pain like this. She is several steps ahead of me, telling people she will date them??? I cant even think of anyone else. Scared now I will be alone for good. I dont look the way I use to, not going to be good.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Are you in IC?


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

She was abused in her first marriage. Then went back to be abused in her second. 

I would have been very surprised if it had been smooth sailing with you. The issues she has are deep, are ongoing and you are not trained to handle them. 

It is not your fault and there is little you can do. She would need a specialist. 

She likely has only seen dysfunctional relationships. This is what she knows and she can relate to. Receiving proper balanced love and affection is overwhelming and scares her so bad that she want's to run away. 

There are sparse moments when her reason takes over and she tells you that you have done nothing wrong. 

She is searching for her next abusive partner as that will feel familiar to her, that is her comfort zone. 

You have your own issues as well. You self confidence is understandably low for starters.

There is no "I am doing the 180 as best I can". That means you are not doing it. Stop trying and start succeeding.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Thank you Freedom, 

What you said really makes sense. I never really thought of it like that. 
As far as the 180, I think I am doing well, I moved out August 18th. I have not contacted her, she has contacted me. Once to ask about one our cats that I took with me, then she asked how I was. I only answered about our cat, not about me. She the contacted me a week ago about the house payment, I had to remind her how to pay it, then again asked how I was, i did not answer. No contact in a week now. She filed for D the Monday following my move out, I wouldnt expect any less, couldnt do it while I was there.
I have had to turn my life upside down, she hasnt had to change much, but it is coming, least I get mine out of the way first.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Am I able to move this post to "Going through divorce or separation" since my W has filed?


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Send a PM to a moderator and ask for the thread to be moved.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Ok all, 

It has been almost a month since I moved out completely. Our only communication was back on the 30th about things with the house. I have gone NC totally and it hurts like Hell!!!! I have had massive outbreaks and breakdowns. She is absolutely all i think about, even thought she has destroyed me in every way. I had to move back to my hometown, because I had no where to go there. I had to leave my job, my friends, my house, two of my pets and start all over. I have my days of being angry but more of being sad. So back to the NC, last contact was 8/30, she contacted me on 9/13 out of the blue. She said she was sorry she hadnt texted in a while, but wanted to give me time and wanted to know how me and the one pet I took with me was doing. I have not responded. If i didnt mention she filed 8/27. I literally am in a freefall, she is everything to me, I am in a very bad way right now, not sure where to turn.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Anyone have thoughts on why she would have texted me out of the blue like that? Its probably nothing, but just curious.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

She's throwing you crumbs. She filed for D, she has made her choice. What else do you two need to talk about?

Continue with NC and move on with your life. IC will help you do that.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Hi All,

Been a little while since I have wrote anything, been up and down quite a bit, but had some things that she said to me that I cant seem to get past.

1. I dont want to have sex with you. (Never had problems before)
2. I want to have kids, just not with you! (She never wanted kids the 12 years I knew her)
3. I'm Not For You
4. We are heading in different directions
5. If anyone else was doing this to you I would kill them
6. You didnt do anything wrong, I cant fix this feeling
7. Everything else can be fixed, except how I feel

This was all right after she told me she was unhappy and wanted out. She was offered a shot at fronting a local rock band,which she always wanted. At he same time, she was talking about kids. 
Her family told me that they did not believe her about the kid thing, because she always told them she didnt want kids either.

Two other things that I cant get past are as follows:

1. She was on the couch one day after sunbathing and really looked good, I said something about going upstairs and "playing" she covered herself and just had this awful look on her face like I was some kind of perv or somebody she didnt know. This was a week or so after the I dont want to have sex with you thing. Also something was said one day and she said " To have kids we would have to do that" and looked down at my crotch like I had the plague or something.

2. About a week after the bomb drop, we went out with friends and we were walking down the street and I tried to hold her hand and she looked at me and said " What If I dont want to hold your hand?" and pulled away. 

These things really confuse me considering I never hurt her in any way or anything like that. But she turned on me like I was a stranger or some sort of rapist or diseased plagued person!!
All our friends and her family says they think it was Mind Trips because she really had no reason to leave me. Because she admitted to everyone she was wrong for what she was doing.

I am just having alot of trouble moving past these certain things. Any insight would be great. I am 24 days from our divorce being final.


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

My wife said the same thing to me. "I dont want to have sex with you anymore." Followed by "I will no longer be your wh0re." followed by "I'm not going to be a receptacle for your 0rgasm anymore." Alright, alright I get the hint. The major difference between your wife and mine is that yours at least admits she's wrong. Mine still blames it all on me. 

We don't need this poison in our lives.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Im sorry SCondeck, I can only relate, this has been the worst year of my life! I can only hope the mayan calendar is right at this point!

For the ladies out there, I am desperately seeking thoughts on the shying away on the couch when wanting to "play", not holding hands, etc. Please read, I am going nuts!! This was my best friend for 6 years prior to us getting together for the past 6 years. I did everything for her. I would have wen to the ends of the earth, took a bullet, you name it, I would have done it.. Please Help!!!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> I did everything for her. I would have wen to the ends of the earth, took a bullet, you name it, I would have done it.. Please Help!!!


You said it yourself.

That's the problem.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok gang there is one thing that just f eats at me daily. The time a few months ago when she
Came inside in her bikini and sat down we were talking and I mentioned having sex. And she
Covered herself and just gave me this disgusted look! I can thing of anything to deserve that
J
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bottle (Sep 12, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> Ok gang there is one thing that just f eats at me daily. The time a few months ago when she
> Came inside in her bikini and sat down we were talking and I mentioned having sex. And she
> Covered herself and just gave me this disgusted look! I can thing of anything to deserve that
> J
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I used to ask my W whether we'd have sex and she said "why do we have to plan it?".

=turn off.

Maybe it was just the wrong approach bud. 

Or maybe like my W she just has issues from her past she cant/won't face and will repeat the problems with the next partner.

Hang in there.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LOFG,

How long have you been a rescuer?

I'm also left to assume your wife had a rotten childhood.

Is that accurate?


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Well her childhood was pretty good over all from what she says. Her parents slept in seperate rooms for 7 years, divorced when she was 19. She says also she wa raped twice as a teenager at two different parties, never told anyone or reported it. 

Not sure about the rescuer, looked it up, could be me yes. 
I just cant figure out how she could go so cold and look at me like I was nothing. She told me, You did nothing wrong, everything can be fixed, except how I feel.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> Well her childhood was pretty good over all from what she says. Her parents slept in seperate rooms for 7 years, divorced when she was 19. She says also she wa raped twice as a teenager at two different parties, never told anyone or reported it.
> 
> Not sure about the rescuer, looked it up, could be me yes.
> I just cant figure out how she could go so cold and look at me like I was nothing. She told me, You did nothing wrong, everything can be fixed, except how I feel.


Doesn't sound like a good childhood to me.

You need to just sever all contact with her...or atleast look into the 180. My stbxh just went cold all of the sudden too, didn't love me anymore, and he made me leave. But I was 8 months pregnant at the time.
I was and still am sort of...like you. I would do anything for him and I was bending over backwards trying to put pieces back together.

The 180 has helped me tremendously.


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

When I tried asking my wife why she doesn't want to have sex anymore and she said "why is that so important? There are starving children in the world and all you care about is sex!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Your wife stopped having sex with you because she no longer felt attracted to you. When I started detaching from my stbxh the thought of having sex with him made me want to puke. Whenever he hit on me after I told him we're over I would scrunch up my nose in disgust too. Im sure I was thinking something like ", Ewww, nasty no f****** way!!! And she didn't want to hold your hand for the same reason. She was trying to detach from you after deciding divorce was her best option and then discussing it with you.


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

Ah true love! Nothing makes a man feel wanted like the disgust on his wife's face at the thought of intimacy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LostOneForGood said:


> Well her childhood was pretty good over all from what she says. Her parents slept in seperate rooms for 7 years, divorced when she was 19. She says also she wa raped twice as a teenager at two different parties, never told anyone or reported it.
> 
> Not sure about the rescuer, looked it up, could be me yes.
> I just cant figure out how she could go so cold and look at me like I was nothing. She told me, You did nothing wrong, everything can be fixed, except how I feel.


Have you ever heard of black/white thinking?


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

I have been doing the 180 when I moved back to my home state 90 minutes away. The only contact we have had is by text to discuss the house we just bought in May and it is up for sale. I mainly try to go through our realtor, but she wants to text direct. She actually was getting upset with me a few weeks ago, because she kept asking How I Was?? I would not answer.

She said "I am asking becuase we have 12 years of history and I want to know how what use to be my best friend is doing, I just have to remember that is gone too." I just asked about two of our pets and the house, did not respond.

MrsOldNews, I appreciate the insight, it was the cruelest thing anyone I have ever been in a relationship has done to me and this is the same woman that told her best girlfriend that I was the only one she was ever meant to be with again and that I was the only person she trusted her life with.

I am unsure of the Black/white thinking, elaborate???

Thank You all, please keep it coming, Im hangin on by a thread here...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LOFG,

Look up the poster "Uptown", he speaks of black/white thinking often.

It's childish.

But, it is what emotionally broken people do.

Quite often, when they are with you... all problems would be solved if they are gone.

When they are not with you, all problems would be solved if they came back...

Get the idea?

Moderation is not their thing.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trying to get through this night! This holiday 
Was my stbxw favorite,first time in years we havent been together to do a costume party
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

This was something she texted me the other day....

Bryan I don't have bad memories of you. We have a much longer history than that. There were several factors that ended this and you know that. It's not one thing you did or said or anything of that sort. Mostly its me and how I am and what I was feeling. Not that you didn't do sometjings and seriously depressed yourself cause you were. But all hindsight now. I can't fix it and neither can you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Disregard and Ignore.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Well Gang, my divorce was final on Nov 7th.... I am relieved the paperwork is over, but I am missing her terribly. I am also angry as Hell as to how this all went down in the first place.... I am still confused as to things she did and said, but I guess thats part of it. I have only had contact by text and email since Aug 18 when I moved back to my home state. I have been going out alot with friends and hanging out at my favorite spots, which has been helping. I have also been given phone numbers by 9 different women, which makes me feel good. I have told them I am so far away from wanting to date or anything, its not fair to anyone, because I am really screwed up right now. They have understood, so I can say i was honest, but the feeling is good that the Ex isnt the only one out there that can do things.

I have no idea how long this will take to get past, I know I will know when its time, just not trusting anyone right now... I wish I could get some real answers on what happened, but I wonder if she really even knows herself?? Not sure, but for now, I will continue the gym, working, hanging with friends and family and try and put my life back together... Thanks to all who have helped me through this, Greatly Appreciated!!!


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## ilou (Oct 25, 2012)

Just finished reading this thread. I wish I joined in time to respond. Looks like things went relatively smooth. Good to see that you're coping step by step. Wish you luck in everything you do. Unless you die or get AIDS or something, things can get only better. 

:smthumbup:

Take care braddah! Shoots!


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

OP's ex-wife is a demented canute who doesn't deserve any man's love at all, and will die alone, most likely childless, and STILL unhappy.

OP should send her a bill, charging by the hour, for the 6 years of his life that she wasted.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> Well Gang, my divorce was final on Nov 7th.... I am relieved the paperwork is over, but I am missing her terribly. I am also angry as Hell as to how this all went down in the first place.... I am still confused as to things she did and said, but I guess thats part of it. I have only had contact by text and email since Aug 18 when I moved back to my home state. I have been going out alot with friends and hanging out at my favorite spots, which has been helping. I have also been given phone numbers by 9 different women, which makes me feel good. I have told them I am so far away from wanting to date or anything, its not fair to anyone, because I am really screwed up right now. They have understood, so I can say i was honest, but the feeling is good that the Ex isnt the only one out there that can do things.
> 
> I have no idea how long this will take to get past, I know I will know when its time, just not trusting anyone right now... I wish I could get some real answers on what happened, but I wonder if she really even knows herself?? Not sure, but for now, I will continue the gym, working, hanging with friends and family and try and put my life back together... Thanks to all who have helped me through this, Greatly Appreciated!!!


I don't want to use the language of beta and alpha because beta often has a negative conotation and my post is NOT about criticizing you. 

Don't beat yourself up or over anlalyze her behavior, It is more simple than you think.

After bieng married twice to the type of men she was attracted to (abusive bad boys) she 'settled' for the 'safe' option. (you)

This has nothing to do with anything you did wrong. This is HER problem to deal with. Thank god it is no longer yours.

Ignore her and move on.


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