# What should be the final straw? (sorry so long)



## trappedparadise (Jul 26, 2012)

I've been with my husband for almost 6 years, married for almost 5. We did everything fast, moved in together after a couple months of dating, got pregnant not long after, married exactly six weeks after our first child was born. Things have been on a downward spiral for the past 3 years. He drinks, a lot, and when he drinks liquor he becomes a complete jerk, so after one particularly bad night I told him that I couldn't handle the drinking anymore, he could have a few beers here and there but there couldn't be liquor in the house if he couldn't be responsible with it. So he said he was ok with that. Come to find out months later when I was packing for a vacation, he'd been lying. I found his hiding spot of all his empty liquor bottles. 
Aside from that, I cannot get him to spend time with me, at all. He's in the military, and we live far from any family and can't always afford a babysitter, but I try to establish date nights at home, pick up some food from a restaurant we like to go, rent a movie, just something for time together. But he comes home from work, goes to a different room, and I only see him when he comes out to grab something from the kitchen. Yet, he expects when we both go to bed, that I'll want to have sex with him. I still find him physically attractive, but sex is more of an emotional thing for me, and if I feel like there's no emotional connect it just makes me feel like I'm being used just for sex, as if it's my sole purpose, and it's degrading. He says I'm ridiculous when I say that. 
And now I've discovered that since May he has been talking online to women, engaged in webcam at least once, and then after apologizing profusely the one time I caught him, I then found him less than an hour later cyber sex chatting with somebody else! He lies about everything to my face, and makes it out like I'm crazy, but then I eventually catch it and when there's hard evidence he'll finally be "honest".
I had an accident a month ago which resulted in me needing emergency surgery, and then two weeks of bed rest. While I was on bed rest he tells me he's not in love with me anymore. He loves me but he's not IN love with me. He says he wants to try to fix it, but he keeps doing this stuff that just makes me sick! 
We're going to see a marriage counselor soon, but we're both doubtful of it doing much good. We've already sat down and talked about what we'd do for custody/child support/who gets what, if we did divorce, and sadly that was the healthiest and most mature discussion we've had in months. If it wasn't for our two beautiful children I'd have left by now, but though he's an awful husband (which he says himself), he is a great father. I also have no experience with divorce. Only one person in my family has ever been divorced. It's not that I don't believe in it, it's just that I never saw it coming to this. And I keep crying, but I don't know if it's because I want to work on us, or just mourning the ending of what is inevitable. 
Sorry this was so terribly long, I've been holding a lot in for a long time and just needed a place to get it out.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

ILYBNILY is usually the sign that someone else is in the picture. Straight out of the playbook. You need to 180 him to some degree. Stop crying and get as strong as you can for yourself. Showing weakness will not help you whether or not this relationhip can be salvaged.

MC can help if you get the right one and you both agree to the one you work with. He seems to have several issues that only he can change himself. Alcoholism seems to be one along with cheating.

180, be strong and expect the worst and hope for the best for YOU!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It really depends what your own tipping point is.
Mine was when I realized that any time we had an issue that needed to be discussed, my H would bring up divorce as the solution in order to trump any discussion that would result in him needing to discuss his behavior outside the marriage, and also within. 
I could not stay married to someone who would 'participate' in a discussion by using that sort of parameter. 
It was the tipping point even after cheating, lying, manipulation, marital rape, and his female 'friends'.


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