# Should I be concerned over my wife's relationship with her friend?



## sentinel69 (Apr 29, 2013)

So we've been married for almost 14 years, and in January my wife went into a business partnership with a woman about 5 years younger than her. She has a long-term bf, and we all get on well.

Recently I've noticed my wife is acting a little suspiciously, however. She got a new phone a month or so ago because it was the same as her friends, and she has a code lock on it she hasn't told me. This wouldn't be unusual except she's never done that before (her old phone didn't), and said we should be able to trust each other with not knowing. She also seems nervous of when I ask to look at her new phone, and doesn't leave it with me, and watches what I'm doing with it until I've done, then takes it back.

She also seems to be spending longer doing little things, like walking the dog or other tasks that take her out of the house. All little things, but enough and long enough to notice.

I got a chance to look at her messages (for which I feel bad, but was hoping to put my fears to rest), and the conversations between them were talking about how "they had something very special" with smileys and lots of xxx's, and finished with "love you" etc. Nothing concrete, and they are like that together, but she's never really been like that with any girlfriends I've seen her with before. One of her friends messages ended "put dnr on text if its a do not reply" which I thought was odd - why would she need to do that? Another message asked if she'd have "10 minutes after" when they were planning a business meeting and lunch - after all morning together, why would she need "10 minutes after"??

At the moment I'm not sure if I'm being stupid and paranoid or I should be concerned their relationship is more than friendship and the business.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hm. It's hard to say. The phone situation is weird...locking it, etc.

The "I love yous" to a friend could be weird...but I tell a few of my friends that I love them. Every day. Because I love them. And they love me. lol.

How does her friend reply to these messages? In the same way? xoxo and smileys? Maybe your wife has a crush or maybe they are cheating. Don't know.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Well don't brush it off. That's exactly what my WW did at the beginning of her EA cum PA. I wish I would have looked deeper, I beat myself up over that everyday!!! Follow your gut feeling, it's usually right.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

sentinel69 said:


> So we've been married for almost 14 years, and in January my wife went into a business partnership with a woman about 5 years younger than her. She has a long-term bf, and we all get on well.
> 
> Recently I've noticed my wife is acting a little suspiciously, however. She got a new phone a month or so ago because it was the same as her friends, and she has a code lock on it she hasn't told me. This wouldn't be unusual except she's never done that before (her old phone didn't), and said we should be able to trust each other with not knowing. She also seems nervous of when I ask to look at her new phone, and doesn't leave it with me, and watches what I'm doing with it until I've done, then takes it back.
> 
> ...


Yes, you're right to be concerned. Unlike men, women are sexually fluid and almost all of them fall somewhere on the "bi" spectrum. Unless you're okay with her having girl/girl on the side, which is risky anytime and downright dangerous outside of swinging (where you also nail the same girl), you need to handle this just like an interloping male trying to cut your girl out.

First, you need to go into investigation mode. GPS her car. Put a VAR under her car seat velcroed up underneath the springs. What phone does she have?

While you do that, you need to start upping your sex rank. Start working out with the goal of a lean (6 pack) physique with about a 30-32" waist and a 46" chest. That means heavy lifting. I personally like HIT style, but any type will do (other than crossfit). Don't waste time on cardio, either. Women's sexual response is a function of the limbic system and they respond visually to The Golden Ratio and visible abs.

Aside from that, completely change your haircut. It doesn't matter if you like it, it's a subliminal signal to your wife that you're on the make. She won't understand it, but her limbic will start responding. For the same reason, you need to upgrade your wardrobe to that of a guy two tiers above you and ten years younger. This is also very unsettling to her nesting instincts. Change your ride to a single man's wheels: '57 chevy, some kind of roadster, or a bike (preferably a chopper). Get the idea? You're basically raising your dating rank (AKA Sexual Market Value), but you're not really going after other women.

In your interaction with her start being cool and aloof. Stop violating The Sixteen Commandments.

How many kids?

How old are you?

Do women ever hit on you?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Privacy in marriage = the toilet.

A phone? Ummm...no. Sorry ~ when someone says "we should be able to trust each other with not knowing" and all of a sudden has a passcode on the phone...

All engines stop and drop the f'ng anchor.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes. Her behavior is bad.
HOWEVER, it may not be with THIS other woman.

Could be a man that this friend covers or whatever.

Just looking at options.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yes. Her behavior is bad.
> HOWEVER, it may not be with THIS other woman.
> 
> Could be a man that this friend covers or whatever.
> ...


Good point. My wife had the xOM listed under one of her work colleagues in her contact list. A woman's name.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yes. Her behavior is bad.
> HOWEVER, it may not be with THIS other woman.
> 
> Could be a man that this friend covers or whatever.
> ...


This is a great point. Always enter an investigation with an open mind or you may miss the obvious. We tend to find what we are looking for where we expect to find it, but not always. Be mentally flexible and consider that women in affairs can be downright "Machiavellian."


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Yes you should be worried that there's more than one red flag the largest being her protected phone. Let me guess, not only did she password protect it but you've never seen a phone bill show up that you could look at. Or if it's an electronic bill then it goes to her email. A home or work account that you don't have the password for.

Come on s69. You know this was a rhetorical question you asked.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

She wouldn't be the first to use her friend as a beard. Pace a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car. 

You have the right to protect your marriage. And you have several red flags placed there by your wife. 

Is her phone an Iphone? There are several ways to snoop on her texts.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

get a grip NOW 

What she's doing is and whoever its with which is irrelevant - is WRONG

You only have to spend one hour looking through this forum and you know it's completely wrong whats shes doing.

Do the usuals a var etc It sounds early but tbf you'll never know.

start investigating today if you want to get into the whole thing.

You will be justifiably fearful of what you may find but unless you put that aside you'll never know what the hell is going on and it will always bug you

Look at it this way do you want to be coming on here in three years time and opening up a thread that says you came on here 3 yrs before etc etc and were told exactly whats going on.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I'm going to also jump on the bandwagon.

I have learned to always trust my initial gut instinct, and so should you.

I like the idea of a VAR. Place one in the car as suggested and one in your bedroom and another where in the house/apt she normally talks. 

Also, you may want to borrow a friend's car and sometime stake out her business a bit or maybe place a VAR there as well.

I know this can get spendy but they can be resold and you can recoup your costs.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,

Act before it gets out of hand.

AU


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I agree with all above.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

walkonmars said:


> She wouldn't be the first to use her friend as a beard.



Sorry for the hijack, but this is an incorrect use of the term. A "beard" is a woman a gay MAN uses to appear straight. Not one a lesbian uses to appear...

Manly?

:scratchhead:


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OP,

Her behvior leads me to believe that something is going on.

Do you have access to her cell phone account? If it's an iPhone, does she back it up through the PC?

Be sure to get a keylogger on the PC, VAR in the car and house too

Sorry you're here.


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## mrtickle (Jan 29, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Yes, you're right to be concerned. Unlike men, women are sexually fluid and almost all of them fall somewhere on the "bi" spectrum.


Not wanting to start an argument but that is a bit of a generalisation imo. All men AND women fall on the spectrum somewhere, and the polarised results of that study you linked to only talks about a set of test subjects under very specific conditions. I know men who 'swing both ways' to some extent sexually, but remain very firmly hetrosexual when it comes to general physical attraction, and I know women who find the idea of lesbian or bi sex between two women completely abhorent.

What I think IS different is that men who do fall into the category are probably less likely to be as open about it as women, and women can often blur the line far more from close-buddies, to physical intimacy than men can. It is not acceptable for two male friends to demonstrate the same sort of intimacy that two female friends can do. It wasn't long ago that some girls would 'hold hands' in public (just as friends) or share a bed on an overnighter. It goes without saying that a woman looking to experiment in that direction may find it more of a gradual move from being friends to being intimate, than say - a man would.

But on the subject of this particular thread, I also think using the work colleague as cover for a male friend would also be fairly common however I think the biggest red flag to me would be the 'do not reply' code that has been suggested. Normal, routine friends would not need a code to tell them when it is 'safe' to text, so *something* is almost certainly going on with *someone*.

All the advice given here is absolutely valid. VAR her car, gain access to any email etc. And get to the bottom of who, and what is going on.


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## frozen (Mar 5, 2012)

You may able to figure out who the person really is be viewing the contact and getting the phone number. Then do Spokeo search, etc., to see names currently associated with the number. 

And def use spydialer website you may hear the actual voicemail greeting.

I think the change in identity isn't likely though, how would she name the actual person as a contact? Sure she could be sneaky but it all sounds too complicated. 

Now if it were a total strange made up name that would be a more plausible possibility.


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## mrtickle (Jan 29, 2013)

frozen said:


> You may able to figure out who the person really is be viewing the contact and getting the phone number. Then do Spokeo search, etc., to see names currently associated with the number.
> 
> And def use spydialer website you may hear the actual voicemail greeting.


I'd be tempted to start by just calling the number from a random phone to see if a man or woman picks up, as a first step.




> I think the change in identity isn't likely though, how would she name the actual person as a contact? Sure she could be sneaky but it all sounds too complicated.
> 
> Now if it were a total strange made up name that would be a more plausible possibility.


Well, smartphones can log multiple numbers against contacts, but whilst we don't know her specific working arrangements, it could be that the business-partner friend could use an alternative 'work' mobile, rather than this one (unless this IS the work mobile). I've also found during my working life that not everyone I work with closely will even use text messages, especially as email is so prevalent and there is limited contact outside working hours.

Unfortunately, in this sort of situation you really have no idea what lengths have been gone to in order to disguise the situation. I have found out recently that even the most dyed-in-the-wool truth tellers, will concoct elaborate scenarios to avoid detection.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Be watchful but do not blow things up early.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrtickle (Jan 29, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Be watchful but do not blow things up early.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes, thats good advice.

If you confront too early, she will go underground with everything and you will learn nothing.

You need to get a full grip on the precise situation and if you need to confront then come back here and let the good citizens of TAM give you advice on how to do that first.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

I agree, start doing some serious investigating. Something is not right. I would never withhold a passcode from my H.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrtickle (Jan 29, 2013)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> I agree, start doing some serious investigating. Something is not right. I would never withhold a passcode from my H.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think passcodes are as big a red flag these days though, as - for example - a lot of people at work passcode their phones as they have a habit of leaving them on their desks. I have a friend who passcodes his friend for no good reason other than stopping someone using it if it gets stolen.

Passcoding a phone when taken in the context of the other behaviour IS a red flag however.

And as I said, the biggest warning sign to me is the 'dnr' code suggestion. That pretty much lights up a neon sign to say 'Something dodgy is going on'


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

mrtickle said:


> Not wanting to start an argument but that is a bit of a generalisation imo. All men AND women fall on the spectrum somewhere, and the polarised results of that study you linked to only talks about a set of test subjects under very specific conditions. I know men who 'swing both ways' to some extent sexually, but remain very firmly hetrosexual when it comes to general physical attraction, and I know women who find the idea of lesbian or bi sex between two women completely abhorent.



The Myth of the Bisexual Male


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## mrtickle (Jan 29, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> The Myth of the Bisexual Male


Sorry if I don't put much store in some hashed together study which looked at a total of THIRTY bisexual men as the sample size and treat it as gospel.

Even within that article, some of the academics say we can't actually draw any conclusions from the study.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Yes, you're right to be concerned. Unlike men, women are sexually fluid and almost all of them fall somewhere on the "bi" spectrum. Unless you're okay with her having girl/girl on the side, which is risky anytime and downright dangerous outside of swinging (where you also nail the same girl), you need to handle this just like an interloping male trying to cut your girl out.
> 
> First, you need to go into investigation mode. GPS her car. Put a VAR under her car seat velcroed up underneath the springs. What phone does she have?
> 
> ...


Love the advice..it can apply to anyone.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

sentinel69 said:


> She got a new phone a month or so ago because it was the same as her friends, and she has a code lock on it she hasn't told me. This wouldn't be unusual except she's never done that before (her old phone didn't), and *said we should be able to trust each other with not knowing*. She also seems nervous of when I ask to look at her new phone, and doesn't leave it with me, and watches what I'm doing with it until I've done, then takes it back.


Not Good ! I don't know how many threads you have had a chance to read on TAM, but if I had a dollar for every one where the concerned spouse found out about an A by first finding suspicious / locked cell phone stuff, I would be posting on TAM from my Yacht instead of my house !

Seriously, and the crap she said that I bolded above. More crap. Time to start digging my friend !


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Privacy in marriage = the toilet.
> 
> A phone? Ummm...no. Sorry ~ when someone says "we should be able to trust each other with not knowing" and all of a sudden has a passcode on the phone...
> 
> All engines stop and drop the f'ng anchor.


:iagree: Somebody please make this a sticky !!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

mrtickle said:


> Sorry if I don't put much store in some hashed together study which looked at a total of THIRTY bisexual men as the sample size and treat it as gospel.
> 
> Even within that article, some of the academics say we can't actually draw any conclusions from the study.


Whatever gets you through the night.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

barbados said:


> :iagree: Somebody please make this a sticky !!


:iagree:

Passwords are huge red flags...the thing is because I trusted H so much even if prior to DD#1 I saw he had his laptop password protected I probably would not have thought much of it. Frick, I never even looked at his laptop ever....so I probably would have just shrugged that off.

Now I know that was a huge sign he was doing something he should not have been....a lesson I will never forget.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Not only is your wifes marriage in trouble, but so is her business. Every one knows you can't do business with friends. Business is all about income and making money, not about friendships.

Never mix business with pleasure.

My point is not only is your wife so fogged in she can't see that she is about to lose her marriage but this current "business" relationship is doomed....if there *is* even a business relationship. I'm thinking it makes for a great cover to deceive you.

For what its worth DO NOT invest in this business venture! Separate accounts and protect your self financially.

As far as the emotional side of things, well its time to distance your self and show your wife through actions in what she is about to lose if she keeps this crap up.

Is it safe to say the your wife wasn't a business major? I'm thinking more of a liberal arts major>


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

that_girl said:


> The "I love yous" to a friend could be weird...but I tell a few of my friends that I love them. Every day. Because I love them. And they love me. lol.
> .


No offense meant to you at all.

My wife told me the EXACT same thing. Then I found all of the texts were to a guy who she "hated," thought was "gross" and she did her best to hide their contact from me.


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## sentinel69 (Apr 29, 2013)

Well thanks for all the messages everyone, thought I'd give an update.

As it turns out my suspicions were in order, but as was pointed out here they weren't about her fired, but about another guy. Apparently she'd "grown close" to another guy at the school that our kids go to - she'd been having long talks on the phone, texts and meeting up in coffee shops and when she walked the dog.

This all came out on the 1st. Since then she said she wants to try to see if we can fix the marriage, and has stopped communicating with the guy (also married with 3 kids). I've met him and talked to him as well, and he says it brought focus to him on his marriage and he realises it wasn't anything real, but showed how he'd neglected his marriage and so he and his wife are getting "back on track" as it were (she knows nothing of this at the moment).

My wife is confused about everything - how can she have had feelings for him etc, and I'm left wondering if she really wants to be with me at all. The other guy in this seems to have got away very lightly, as he's fixing his marriage without the pain of his wife knowing he's been unfaithful.

We're going to a counsellor, but at the moment I'm wondering what for. Any advice on this welcomed! Also, if you feel something's wrong with your marriage and something is going on, trust your gut - it probably is!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Tell his wife. We had a similar situation where the BS failed to tell the OM's wife and the WS and OM took the affair underground. And you have no reason to trust that snake and the bull**** he told you. He was(is) pursuing a married woman and cheating on his wife. Lying and spouting some cliched bullsh!t is no big deal.

Rugsweep the whole thing at your own risk.

How did you verify that the affair wasn't physical ? They were meeting up behind your back. It is most likely physical.



> One of her friends messages ended "put dnr on text if its a do not reply" which I thought was odd - why would she need to do that? Another message asked if she'd have "10 minutes after" when they were planning a business meeting and lunch - after all morning together, why would she need "10 minutes after"??


They were discrete and deceptive about hiding stuff. How did she explain this away ?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/57247-she-cheated-i-hate-my-life.html


Please please read this thread. The BS confronted the OM about the affair. The OM cried and thanked the BS for not telling his wife. Then resumed the affair with his wife(EA->PA) after some months. From the looks of it, you don't have the full truth and extent of the affair. Tell his wife immediately. Your denial is your biggest enemy.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Tell his wife. We had a similar situation where the BS failed to tell the OM's wife and the WS and OM took the affair underground. And you have no reason to trust that snake and the bull**** he told you. He was(is) pursuing a married woman and cheating on his wife. Lying and spouting some cliched bullsh!t is no big deal.
> 
> Rugsweep the whole thing at your own risk.
> 
> ...


Yes.

How would you let your wife go with no consequence?


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

look..... if it bothers you, it's a f0cking problem. you need to SPEAK UP! 

this is what leads to most affairs. this is how it starts. i'm not saying she's cheating. all i'm saying is look into things if they bother you or make you uncomfortable.


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## Brokenshadow (May 3, 2013)

sentinel69 said:


> Well thanks for all the messages everyone, thought I'd give an update.
> 
> As it turns out my suspicions were in order, but as was pointed out here they weren't about her fired, but about another guy. Apparently she'd "grown close" to another guy at the school that our kids go to - she'd been having long talks on the phone, texts and meeting up in coffee shops and when she walked the dog.
> 
> ...


I hope that our situations turn out differently, but so far they sound very similar. How intense was the communication between them? Hundreds of texts per month, numerous phone calls? The first thing I learned about my wife's affair was about a kiss. At first it was a kissin the cheek. Then she admitted it was more than that. Even after intense questioning, she lied straight to my face about it having gotten physical. You can try and take solace in saying it was just emotional, but trust me , if you feel there is more to this story then there probably is. Is that pass code still on her phone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

sentinel69 said:


> Well thanks for all the messages everyone, thought I'd give an update.
> 
> As it turns out my suspicions were in order, but as was pointed out here they weren't about her fired, but about another guy. Apparently she'd "grown close" to another guy at the school that our kids go to - she'd been having long talks on the phone, texts and meeting up in coffee shops and when she walked the dog.
> 
> ...


Why do you believe anything your wife says about just meeting for coffee and walking the dog ? Whether you to believe this or not - your wife and the OM were at least engaged in an EA and a possibly PA that you have not uncovered.

Keep you ears and eyes open - tell the OM's wife and try to save your marriage.

Going to a counsellor and your wife still engaged in her affair is just a waste of time and money. She may tell you it's over - but my guess since the OM's wife does not know - they have taken their affair under ground .


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Tell the OM wife. He and your wife just told you some Bu!!$h!t to appease you and keep him off your radar. Make sure his wife knows what he's been doing with your wife.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are being totally played. TELL THE OM'S WIFE. Wouldn't you want to have had someone inform you? Your wife is a liar and a cheater and yet you believe every word she tells you. What is wrong with this picture?

You have sent a clear message to the OM when you talked to him. You made it quite clear that there are no consequences to his actions and that even though he was cheating with your wife there will never be an problems in his life because you will keep quiet about all of this. Do you honestly think your wife and the OM have any respect for you whatsoever? What is wrong with this picture? If you do not respect yourself then who will?

It is possible that your wife is saying she is confused because she cannot get any commitment from the OM? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think that your wife would have acted as such a doormat as you have acted? Your fear will destroy you.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sentinel69, push your fear and insecurity asude and put on your big boy pants because you need to be strong now. You do not have control until you take it. First step expose it wide open to everyone. OM's wife, your wife's family, etc. That's what it takes to snap people back to reality.

Make your wife feel she's going to lose you and make her want to fight to keep you. Maybe make her leave or you leave for a couple of weeks. She has emotional control now and sees you as one of her options. Don't let it be that way.

Look into 180.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

sentinel69 said:


> My wife is confused about everything - how can she have had feelings for him etc, and I'm left wondering if she really wants to be with me at all.


confused! really!? diddums - throws your life into the gutter and is "confused" ..aaaahhhh.

Okay, you can find out if she wants to be with you, really wants to be with you very very quickly - expose this to the world tonight, this morning (wherever you live). Make sure everybody in your and her family knows about this and especially OM wife. About .5 of a second after OM has his wife in HIS face he'll be in touch with your wife and you will then know the answer to your question because either 

1/ she'll be on her knees showing every sign of remorse there is possible

or regrettably and more likely 

2/ starting the trickle truth the gas lighting etc etc which will also tell you in half a second she's even prepared after getting caught to make things even worse for you. This is the bit that will tell you whether YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER should she decide do lie through her teeth to make it all even more painful for you 

Either way you'll soon find out but only by telling OM w.



sentinel69 said:


> The other guy in this seems to have got away very lightly, as he's fixing his marriage without the pain of his wife knowing he's been unfaithful.


I'd say you owe him one,don't you? It is in your power to change this.....so do it. Do not discuss this with your wife just get on with it



sentinel69 said:


> We're going to a counsellor, but at the moment I'm wondering what for. Any advice on this welcomed! Also, if you feel something's wrong with your marriage and something is going on, trust your gut - it probably is!


Yes about - only 99.9 % of the time !


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

The consensus is to tell the other man's wife (omw). I agree. You'll also then have the omw pair of eyes to keep on this.

As someone else wrote above, denial and inaction are your own worst enemy.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell the OMW , and do not warn your wife that you are doing it. After all why should she care, since she's ended her relationship supposedly with the OM?

Expect this to reveal that they are still in touch but underground.

When your wife asks you why you told the OMW, tell her it's because she has a right to know that there's third party undermining her marriage.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Tell the OMW , and do not warn your wife that you are doing it. After all why should she care, since she's ended her relationship supposedly with the OM?
> 
> Expect this to reveal that they are still in touch but underground.
> 
> When your wife asks you why you told the OMW, tell her it's because she has a right to know that there's third party undermining her marriage.


 I agree but would like to add that "When your wife asks you why you told the OMW", ask her how would she know that you told the OMW if she was not in still in contact with the OM? Ask this question and then stop talking as you wait for her to answer. Even if there is a very long silence, say nothing as you wait for the answer. If you say anything at all, just say " I asked you a question" and repeat the exact same question. Do the let her off the hook by saying anything else until she answers.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Tell his wife. We had a similar situation where the BS failed to tell the OM's wife and the WS and OM took the affair underground. And you have no reason to trust that snake and the bull**** he told you. He was(is) pursuing a married woman and cheating on his wife. Lying and spouting some cliched bullsh!t is no big deal.
> 
> Rugsweep the whole thing at your own risk.
> 
> ...





warlock07 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/57247-she-cheated-i-hate-my-life.html
> 
> 
> Please please read this thread. The BS confronted the OM about the affair. The OM cried and thanked the BS for not telling his wife. Then resumed the affair with his wife(EA->PA) after some months. From the looks of it, you don't have the full truth and extent of the affair. Tell his wife immediately. Your denial is your biggest enemy.





AngryandUsed said:


> Yes.
> 
> How would you let your wife go with no consequence?





jh52 said:


> Why do you believe anything your wife says about just meeting for coffee and walking the dog ? Whether you to believe this or not - your wife and the OM were at least engaged in an EA and a possibly PA that you have not uncovered.
> 
> Keep you ears and eyes open - tell the OM's wife and try to save your marriage.
> 
> Going to a counsellor and your wife still engaged in her affair is just a waste of time and money. She may tell you it's over - but my guess since the OM's wife does not know - they have taken their affair under ground .





AlphaHalf said:


> Tell the OM wife. He and your wife just told you some Bu!!$h!t to appease you and keep him off your radar. Make sure his wife knows what he's been doing with your wife.


I hope you realize that by now you must expose the OMW today at the latest.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, since this is going down at school, it would also be very good for you to some his get the rumor mill started about this OM fishing for special friends amongst the moms.

If you can do it with out it getting traced back to you being the one to warn other it would be good.

Perhaps an anonymous email to someone?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The only thing you KNOW at this point is that the POSOM wants to keepnhis wife and likes to bang yours. He doesn't want your wife but just wants to use her. 

You need to talk in person to his wife so she can watch the other end of this wreck.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tell his wife, if you don't you will regret it later.

I have been here long enough to know how this turns out.


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