# Sudden shift in feelings on my part-Normal?



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I'm breaking from my thread to see if this is something others might be able to relate to when dealing with an EA/PA.

Today, I went to work and on my way I had this feeling, after 2 months of doing my best to better myself, that perhaps I was worth more than what I was putting myself through to keep this relationship alive. In the beginning I felt like "This person is the only one that will ever truly understand me. I need to fix what I've broken. I know she messed up, but so did I and I need to address my mistakes."

Today, I had the feeling "Why am I putting in all the effort? Why do I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep this marriage alive? Maybe I deserve someone better...maybe there are plenty of people out there, beautiful inside and out, that I could get along with even better than my wife." And I kept thinking of the lady friends I have in my life. I have plenty of lady friends although I've never considered them to be anything more I wondered "What if..." and I could see myself chasing butterflies again, something new...and then I would stop myself and say "This is probably what my wife went through...stop."

My wife had a great day today checking out our new neighborhood...where we hope to be living from September. She spoke of families and kids, moving everything I wish she had talked about much earlier (Probably too early for most) in this whole mess. There seems to be a distance between us now but it's different...it's not me trying to keep the distance short between us but me putting some distance between us on a separate bridge...hard to explain.

I REALLY want to recapture that love we once had. I don't think any love could compare. I look back and see this great couple we once were...but now it feels as if we're no longer meant to be and it's almost as if I should roll the dice one more time to see what comes up...I imagined a single life, just living on my own, and I could see fewer financial problems, fewer responsibilities (I have to take care of far more bills and my mother in law on top of taking care of my wife). She takes good care of me but has been lacking in many areas since I busted her on the PA.

It's the feeling I have today and if I'm going to be completely honest, part of me thinks it's because I've accepted the idea of moving on and that I'd be in this place had my wife moved out and gone with the OM. Part of me thinks it's because SHE has decided (As best I know) not to consider the OM and if anyone leaves it would be me on MY terms, not hers. And another part of me thinks that the sexual part of our relationship is just going to stay in limbo and that having kids will be the only time to enjoy physical intimate contact with my wife...

A large majority of the population in this country rely on sex outside of their marriage...this has always been unacceptable to me...I don't want to be that kind of husband. I hope this feeling is a passing feeling...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Huge change - very powerful feeling isn't it?

The thing is - your W is not only NOT that attracted to you physically, she feels entitled to a "good" sex life. Which means she will either be frustrated or cheating in the future. 

Given your location there are LOTS of women who would find the whole package you offer attractive. Sounds like your W is willing to give you kids, little to no sex and some companionship in exchange for every dollar you make now and in the future. 

Seems like a great deal for her - not so much for you.



synonimous_anonymous said:


> I'm breaking from my thread to see if this is something others might be able to relate to when dealing with an EA/PA.
> 
> Today, I went to work and on my way I had this feeling, after 2 months of doing my best to better myself, that perhaps I was worth more than what I was putting myself through to keep this relationship alive. In the beginning I felt like "This person is the only one that will ever truly understand me. I need to fix what I've broken. I know she messed up, but so did I and I need to address my mistakes."
> 
> ...


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

synonimous_anonymous said:


> Today, I went to work and on my way I had this feeling, after 2 months of doing my best to better myself, that perhaps I was worth more than what I was putting myself through to keep this relationship alive.
> 
> "Why am I putting in all the effort? Why do I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep this marriage alive?


Finally you're getting the message.

Maybe don't move just yet, not if the new place is more than she can afford alone.


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## 4mockingbird (Jul 27, 2010)

My feelings switched in a matter of weeks. Just the things he continued to say to me and do after I found out about his EA (and was then served divorce papers) made that happen. 

I still bounce between the two sides, but stay more on the side of moving on.


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