# Destroyed the family for **** pix



## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

In a bad place tonight, I usually talk about construction and social critique on my podcast.

Not in this episode.

https://anchor.fm/nigel-williams07/episodes/Destroyed-our-family-for-****-pix-e19mc5l


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Got a plan, I think......


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Got a plan, I think......


I like your voice., in a non-sexual way. It's a great voice.
Boston?
I'm sorry for your experience.
If a woman breaks up with me, it's permanent.

I also think the best thing you can do is start a business with your new found money.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Blue collar worker, I had just left the scene of a rather intense face off where I watched 13 years of my life and the family I thought I had created destroyed, sorry if you are too sensitive for strong language.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Blue collar worker, I had just left the scene of a rather intense face off where I watched 13 years of my life and the family I thought I had created destroyed, sorry if you are too sensitive for strong language.


I personally didn't notice your use of language. I was too much focused on your situation.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Nigel - initially i thought Australia but listened to a bit more and am putting my money on England.

Type out the facts of your story. No more podcasts. You will get a lot of solid advice here and answers to your situation. You don't understand what's going on because you are too busy doing what you do and haven't given this sh+t much consideration. I listened for a few minutes and pretty much got what happened to you. This is classic. Nothing mysterious about it.

What you are dealing with is basic female nature. this may be your first real brush with it. You probably thought it was something else. Led to believe a particular narrative about dating/relationships/women your whole life and now this. You have just joined a huge club.

The first thing you mentioned was History. Doesn't mean a thing brother when she's lost it. She doesn't think that way. Only that she's got something better now. You also got what's called_ female sub communication_ - chick speak - when she said she "isn't happy". These two words are loaded. It's basically Code. It's a language that you don't understand. It's not the guy-to-guy talk you are familiar with. The sex you were getting is called_ hysterical bonding_. It won't last. She's been cheating prior and this is one of the after-effects. It's all about the emotions and I'm not talking about yours amigo.

Stick around and learn the deal. I'm going to give you three resources that will help you get up to speed. Read the rational male and watch his videos - rollo tomassi; the Unplugged Alpha by Rich copper and videos. You'll start to catch on friend. Lastly, this is a must-read for you -- Female psychology for the practical man by joe south -- this one can be downloaded.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Blue collar worker, I had just left the scene of a rather intense face off where I watched 13 years of my life and the family I thought I had created destroyed, sorry if you are too sensitive for strong language.


I can hear in your voice mate you're furious and you've got every right to be IMO.
Good luck with your plans.

She's a serial cheater and they rarely change.
Be vary careful around your ex now, always have a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) with you when you have any interactions with her in the future. Don't let her goad you into anything you'll regret . She seems just the type to accuse you of domestic violence, concentrate on yourself and your daughter now.

Best of luck to you


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

He has got a very South western British accent! He's in Portsmouth, England!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> He has got a very South western British accent! He's in Portsmouth, England!


Ok.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The flag is British.
> 
> No it's not basic female nature, please less of this constant generalisation and sexism.


thanks for the British flag. I missed that. I didnt look.

You hear something you don't like so it's sexist and a generalization. Natures are supported by the likes of Plato, Aristotle, St. Agustine, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, the Catholic Church, Pope Paul 2, Gottfried Leibniz (this is the guy who invented calculus in his spare time), Bishop Geo Barkley, John henry Newman (I can name others). Please read their works or provide an argument that counters my claim rather than your opinion. You can make an existentialist argument that natures don't exist. But that would mean you believe all people are a combination of atoms with no souls and as a consequence, natural law doesn't exist. This is a physicalist position and that's ok. I'm not going to respond with an ad hominem attack. Promise. I will consider objectively what you have to say.

I explained to you before human beings have natures, as do oak trees, lions, dogs, cats, and even boulders. I didn't make it up. I read Plato and Aristotle, and John Henry Newman. I strongly suggest you read Aristotle's Physics and Metaphysics and the Bible which speaks of natures. Natures are also known as forms, models, and archetypes. 

I'd like an apology.......


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

manowar said:


> thanks for the British flag. I missed that. I didnt look.
> 
> You hear something you don't like so it's sexist and a generalization. Natures are supported by the likes of Plato, Aristotle, St. Agustine, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, the Catholic Church, Pope Paul 2, Gottfried Leibniz (this is the guy who invented calculus in his spare time), Bishop Geo Barkley, John henry Newman (I can name others). Please read their works or provide an argument that counters my claim rather than your opinion. You can make an existentialist argument that natures don't exist. But that would mean you believe all people are a combination of atoms with no souls and as a consequence, natural law doesn't exist. This is a physicalist position and that's ok. I'm not going to respond with an ad hominem attack. Promise. I will consider objectively what you have to say.
> 
> ...


You have not named one person who was born in the twentieth century. Really? Have you considered the 'nature' these people speak of was nothing more than the societal expectations and nurturing rather than innate? You weren't able to dredge up some antique philosophizing meanderings by a woman to support your assertions? 

It's the 21st century, get with the program. Try getting out of the basement more often.

P.S. Don't expect an apology from me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

This is quite common in some parts of the UK when people are telling a story, they throw in the "f" word alot. You just have to listen to the story not the f bombs.
I do not like it but it is used to add emphasis and not really used as a swear word in the story telling.

From the UK Guardian 21 Nov 2002
_Charles Jones, professor of English language at Edinburgh University, it is no longer necessarily a swear word, and barely an incivility. Jones gave evidence last year that helped Kenneth Kinnaird of Glasgow successfully appeal against a breach of the peace conviction after Kinnaird told an Edinburgh traffic policeman to **** off. Lord Prosser agreed that Kinnaird, 43, was only using the "language of his generation".

"For many working-class men, **** seems to me hardly countable as an expletive," says Jones. "Rather it is used as a reinforcing adverb: 'It's ****ing cold/hot/terrible' or whatever. Some purists argue that this shows an inability on the part of these speakers to use (or even to have) more sophisticated vocabulary, but I doubt this. In my view, nothing is regrettable in linguistic usage."

John Ayto, editor of the Oxford Dictionary of Slang, concurs on the de-sexing of ****. "**** is a sexual term but realistically, it is almost never used that way. The overwhelming amount of times it is being used in some figurative sense - 'I'm ****ing tired' or 'We got ****ed on that deal'. I think it would be too much to say that **** doesn't offend anybody. It hasn't finished the journey yet to becoming a milk-and-water word. But its impact is diminishing at a rapid rate. Young people tend not to think of it as offensive at all."_


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you considered the 'nature' these people speak of was *nothing more than the societal expectations and nurturing rather than innate?*


Blondilocks.. I appreciate the attempt. You gave it the old college try. But that is not what it's about. If you reject natures you reject the human soul. So no I have not considered it. 

You're right today's a nice day for a walk in the park lol.....


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

manowar said:


> thanks for the British flag. I missed that. I didnt look.
> 
> You hear something you don't like so it's sexist and a generalization. Natures are supported by the likes of Plato, Aristotle, St. Agustine, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, the Catholic Church, Pope Paul 2, Gottfried Leibniz (this is the guy who invented calculus in his spare time), Bishop Geo Barkley, John henry Newman (I can name others). Please read their works or provide an argument that counters my claim rather than your opinion. You can make an existentialist argument that natures don't exist. But that would mean you believe all people are a combination of atoms with no souls and as a consequence, natural law doesn't exist. This is a physicalist position and that's ok. I'm not going to respond with an ad hominem attack. Promise. I will consider objectively what you have to say.
> 
> ...


Ah please get over yourself will you and stop your preening, nobody gives a damn about your philosophizing. Nobody cares.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

aine said:


> Ah please get over yourself will you and stop your preening, nobody gives a damn about your philosophizing. Nobody cares.



You have balls!!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

aine said:


> Ah please get over yourself will you and stop your preening, nobody gives a damn about your philosophizing. Nobody cares.


Do you know the easiest way to get a philosophy graduate away from your front door?
Just pay him for the pizza.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> The flag is British.
> 
> No it's not basic female nature, please less of this constant over generalisation and sexism.


Hypergamy is the female strategy to get the best reproductive value and resource gathering for the children. 
It is very much innate within females that has been tamed by civilization.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manowar said:


> thanks for the British flag. I missed that. I didnt look.
> 
> You hear something you don't like so it's sexist and a generalization. Natures are supported by the likes of Plato, Aristotle, St. Agustine, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, the Catholic Church, Pope Paul 2, Gottfried Leibniz (this is the guy who invented calculus in his spare time), Bishop Geo Barkley, John henry Newman (I can name others). Please read their works or provide an argument that counters my claim rather than your opinion. You can make an existentialist argument that natures don't exist. But that would mean you believe all people are a combination of atoms with no souls and as a consequence, natural law doesn't exist. This is a physicalist position and that's ok. I'm not going to respond with an ad hominem attack. Promise. I will consider objectively what you have to say.
> 
> ...


How can I appologise when you are lumping all women together? No we havent all got the same natures. Otherwise I would say that all men must have the same natures to that of Hitler, Musilini, Ted Bundy, Fred West, and all the other evil men that have lived. 
I do get a bit fed up with all women being blamed and criticised for what one women did to someone. I have had several men act badly towards me, I understand that they are not ALL men, and that not ALL mens natures are the same. My husband is a different to my ex as chalk and cheese.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> Hypergamy is the female strategy to get the best reproductive value and resource gathering for the children.
> It is very much innate within females that has been tamed by civilization.


However women are very very different from each other. Just as men are.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

aine said:


> This is quite common in some parts of the UK when people are telling a story, they throw in the "f" word alot. You just have to listen to the story not the f bombs.
> I do not like it but it is used to add emphasis and not really used as a swear word in the story telling.
> 
> From the UK Guardian 21 Nov 2002
> ...


Mnay of us in the UK hate the common use of it.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> However women are very very different from each other. Just as men are.


You do get exceptions, sure. But they are exception to the rule. 
We are talking about well-studied inborn tendencies and then you have some women who can think longer terms than others. 

As I said in one of the posts, the smartest women, in regards to marrying, will consider what she will look like when she is fifty and then try and find a man who will look comparably ok when he's fifty, if he takes care of himself, and then marry him. A women who generally marries wisely and treats nicely, a good man, will usually have a mate for life. Nothing is absolute, but I think that Dr. Laura is right on that.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.

Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.

Thanks for the advice so far.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.
> 
> Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.
> 
> Thanks for the advice so far.





fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.
> 
> Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.
> 
> Thanks for the advice so far.


Keep us advised. 
Absolutely get the baby tested, although I don't know how effective that will be under British law for custody and child support. 
At least you'll know.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.
> 
> Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.
> 
> Thanks for the advice so far.


Sorry you are here, mate. She doesn't deserve you.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> However women are very very different from each other. Just as men are.


From a marketing pov, that's just not true. If it was, marketers would be broke.

In fact the whole everyone is special thing.........thank a marketer for that.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Mnay of us in the UK hate the common use of it.


Not me I ...'kin love it.......Sorry I couldn't resist that.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

In my life's experience I have observed hypergamy in women, though I often found that this term was best suited for a certain class of women. That being said I have also observed many of my male friends who were just as bad.

I'd like to add that when it comes to loyalty I have been phooked over by more men than women. Just sayin'.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Thread-jack much folks? Whats his voice or location got to do with anything? He's hurting and needs advice. Give her Hell Nigel!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Amanhasnoname said:


> Not me I ...'kin love it.......Sorry I couldn't resist that.


You are one person.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

manfromlamancha said:


> He has got a very South western British accent! He's in Portsmouth, England!


I feel knows one another!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*MODERATOR NOTE:- *Keep it on topic, please, folks. And let's not be* too* judgmental of the choice of language, especially when it is not on the board, OK? (We have the word filter to fix ****ing swearwords here, remember?  )

For those who don't do podcasts @fromtheseatofthecab is a JCB (excavator) driver who is working long, hard hours often away from home.

He has a missus and a daughter of three years of age.

He has discovered that his missus is a gaslighting cheater, who he forgave for a "fling" with a Romanian gentleman some time ago.

He has taken much of his stuff with him in his Nissan Navara and is looking to rent a cottage in a remote location which he will keep neat and tidy and where he will set up a nice bedroom for his daughter.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> *MODERATOR NOTE:- *Keep it on topic, please, folks. And let's not be* too* judgmental of the choice of language, especially when it is not on the board, OK? (We have the word filter to fix ****ing swearwords here, remember?  )
> 
> For those who don't do podcasts @fromtheseatofthecab is a JCB (excavator) driver who is working long, hard hours often away from home.
> 
> ...


Honestly, the man is hurting and people here are expecting him to express himself in the Queen's English.


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## recovering2018 (Sep 9, 2021)

OP, sorry she did this to you and your family. It sounds like you're thinking logically (no small accomplishment under the circumstances) and have taken the right steps.

I don't know the UK legal system that well, but you probably want to preserve any evidence of adultery or unreasonable behavior and speak with a solicitor to understand your rights and the divorce process.

It sounds like you work away from home a lot, but she accepted that part of you when she married you. She'll continue to gaslight and blame everything on you. Don't buy it for a second. Cheating and abuse are in a completely different tier of bad behavior.

I wish you the best of luck and please check back.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

manowar said:


> Blondilocks.. I appreciate the attempt. You gave it the old college try. But that is not what it's about. If you reject natures you reject the human soul. So no I have not considered it.
> 
> You're right today's a nice day for a walk in the park lol.....


Eh?????


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

manowar said:


> thanks for the British flag. I missed that. I didnt look.
> 
> You hear something you don't like so it's sexist and a generalization. Natures are supported by the likes of Plato, Aristotle, St. Agustine, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Aquinas, the Catholic Church, Pope Paul 2, Gottfried Leibniz (this is the guy who invented calculus in his spare time), Bishop Geo Barkley, John henry Newman (I can name others). Please read their works or provide an argument that counters my claim rather than your opinion. You can make an existentialist argument that natures don't exist. But that would mean you believe all people are a combination of atoms with no souls and as a consequence, natural law doesn't exist. This is a physicalist position and that's ok. I'm not going to respond with an ad hominem attack. Promise. I will consider objectively what you have to say.
> 
> ...


Eh? Eh?


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> *MODERATOR NOTE:- *Keep it on topic, please, folks. And let's not be* too* judgmental of the choice of language, especially when it is not on the board, OK? (We have the word filter to fix ****ing swearwords here, remember?  )
> 
> For those who don't do podcasts @fromtheseatofthecab is a JCB (excavator) driver who is working long, hard hours often away from home.
> 
> ...


You boiled a 20 minute podcast down to a 15 second read. Thank you.

Since there was no summary I had just assumed OP had sent **** picks and gotten caught, thereby ruining his marriage. Nice to finally know what's going on.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.
> 
> Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.
> 
> Thanks for the advice so far.


have you seen a lawyer yet? Are you legally married. If not there may be issues surrounding access to kid, I’ve seen it happen with a male friend and his sons. Don’t take anything for granted.

Tell all family and friends what she did as they may not hear your podcast, that way she v
cannot create a different narrative

Read up on the 180 and practice it, no contact except through lawyer

eat well, exercise, buy new clothes, join a gym. Everything to make you feel good about yourself and to get prepared for a woman who will appreciate a good man

im sorry to say but your lack of consequences on her first affair has led you to here. She is not a keeper at all, she’s a serial cheater.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I curious why you posted a pod cast and didn't just tell your story in the thread?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sokillme said:


> I curious why you posted a pod cast and didn't just tell your story?


He was probably driving. He recorded his podcast while in his vehicle and then took a few moments to post.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> He was probably driving. He recorded his podcast while in his vehicle and then took a few moments to post.


Or, more realistically, he is trying to drive attention to his website with this story (which I didn't listen to or click on).


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

bobert said:


> Or, more realistically, he is trying to drive attention to his website with this story (which I didn't listen to or click on).


That's certainly part of it, I think.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

gaius said:


> You boiled a 20 minute podcast down to a 15 second read. Thank you.
> 
> Since there was no summary I had just assumed OP had sent **** picks and gotten caught, thereby ruining his marriage. Nice to finally know what's going on.


Thank you. Pleased when my day job skills can be used for good! 🤣


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bobert said:


> Or, more realistically, he is trying to drive attention to his website with this story (which I didn't listen to or click on).


His podcast has a niche following. What he has posted about his missus is so different to what he normally posts there really means the majority of people who are on TAM would not be his core audience.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I didn't have a problem with the podcast. OP, follow through with your plan. Kick her to the curb.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> Honestly, the man is hurting and people here are expecting him to express himself in the Queen's English.


I'm a rough arz muck shifter, English is our second language above grunting lolz.

I was in a bad place and although I have a filter, I was struggling to process the ruins of my life, think a little leeway could be granted.



recovering2018 said:


> OP, sorry she did this to you and your family. It sounds like you're thinking logically (no small accomplishment under the circumstances) and have taken the right steps.
> 
> I don't know the UK legal system that well, but you probably want to preserve any evidence of adultery or unreasonable behavior and speak with a solicitor to understand your rights and the divorce process.
> 
> ...


I spent a lot of time analyzing the past, her gaslighting and blame shifting now says more about the "coincidences" I observed but didn't challenge when I saw them.

Joined a gym, been on the horn to estate agents and we're not legally married so no divorce but solicitors contacted to guarantee my rights to my daughter.



gaius said:


> You boiled a 20 minute podcast down to a 15 second read. Thank you.
> 
> Since there was no summary I had just assumed OP had sent **** picks and gotten caught, thereby ruining his marriage. Nice to finally know what's going on.


If you had listened you would know.



aine said:


> have you seen a lawyer yet? Are you legally married. If not there may be issues surrounding access to kid, I’ve seen it happen with a male friend and his sons. Don’t take anything for granted.
> 
> Tell all family and friends what she did as they may not hear your podcast, that way she v
> cannot create a different narrative
> ...


Not married but I've contacted a solicitor to guarantee my rights to my daughter.



sokillme said:


> I curious why you posted a pod cast and didn't just tell your story in the thread?


The podcast is real time thoughts and feelings that don't come across well in text format, besides, after 100+ episodes I'm confident in my speaking and honesty on the podcast is at its core.



jonty30 said:


> He was probably driving. He recorded his podcast while in his vehicle and then took a few moments to post.


Driving away back to work 2 hours away, it is my own record of what went down and how I feel about it.

It's cathartic to say it out loud and listening back allows me to process it all over again should I feel the need.



bobert said:


> Or, more realistically, he is trying to drive attention to his website with this story (which I didn't listen to or click on).


No, 100+ episodes in and I've a steady core audience for my construction industry related topics and social observation.



Galabar01 said:


> I didn't have a problem with the podcast. OP, follow through with your plan. Kick her to the curb.


Thanks man, she's done, cemented this as that podcast will serve to remind me of her betrayal long after the dust has settled!


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

The language is better, the podcasts will serve as a legacy of my past and I can come back to them when I need.










From The Seat Of The Cab • A podcast on Anchor


Digger drivers view of the world and its happenings.




anchor.fm


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

I'm a scouser and I'd be swearing too if that happened to me. Best out of your system and nothing wrong with it. Sorry this has happened to you, and hope all works out with your daughter. Keep us all posted and don't fall for any of her sh*t, lies and all the gaslighting. All the best.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

recovering2018 said:


> OP, sorry she did this to you and your family. It sounds like you're thinking logically (no small accomplishment under the circumstances) and have taken the right steps.
> 
> I don't know the UK legal system that well, but you probably want to preserve any evidence of adultery or unreasonable behavior and speak with a solicitor to understand your rights and the divorce process.
> 
> ...


You don't need proof of adultery,. It's just called unreasonable behaviour and irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Op your daughter is very young, try not to move too far away as it will make things harder and once she goes to school you will have to drive her there. Plus she will want to be near her friends when she is older. Best to stay fairly close if you can.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> *MODERATOR NOTE:- *Keep it on topic, please, folks. And let's not be* too* judgmental of the choice of language, especially when it is not on the board, OK? (We have the word filter to fix ****ing swearwords here, remember?  )
> 
> For those who don't do podcasts @fromtheseatofthecab is a JCB (excavator) driver who is working long, hard hours often away from home.
> 
> ...


Thanks for that. Wasn't going to listen to an swearing angry rant against women.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Thanks for that. Wasn't going to listen to an swearing angry rant against women.


It wasn't. It was a heartrending cry against *one woman* who had gaslighted him and cheated on him at least twice during their 13 years of being together as a couple. 

And whose vile actions have him doubting if he is the father of his precious little girl.

Please don't make the mistake in thinking that he was being misogynistic, because he wasn't.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> You don't need proof of adultery,. It's just called unreasonable behaviour and irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.


They are not formally married so his situation is a bit different to many cheated on spouses on TAM.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> They are not formally married so his situation is a bit different to many cheated on spouses on TAM.


Sounds like he dodged a bullet there


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## recovering2018 (Sep 9, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You don't need proof of adultery,. It's just called unreasonable behaviour and irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.


Didn't say he needed it. But it's usually a good idea to preserve it. What's needed for divorce is now a moot point now since we now know he's not married.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

From what I've seen, those that move forward decisively (there's even a thread about it) have the best outcomes. They heal sooner and are healthier in the long run. You are on the right track. 

Oh, and still be kind to the next lady. Don't let your current relationship ruin your next one.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I'm just perplexed by the conversation centred around my language, a lot of high brow commentators in here it seems.
> 
> Booked STI appointment and will be talking to another clinic about DNA testing for the baby as it's seems to raise questions in my mind.
> 
> Thanks for the advice so far.


O.P. don't get discouraged with these threadjacks. You stumbled onto a site where a gender war is going on. It is indeed unfortunate that we have members here bent on pushing their agendas above all else. 

As for your partner? She is a disgusting piece of trash... trash that needs to be dumped in the bin. Get a solicitor and protect yourself in regards to your finances and your daughter. You are a male in England, which means in the eyes of British law you are lower than pond scum. Get the meanest most aggressive solicitor you can find if you don't want to end up living under a bridge and never seeing your daughter..


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Processing my thoughts further, a little more sombre this evening but with far greater clarity.









From The Seat Of The Cab • A podcast on Anchor


Digger drivers view of the world and its happenings.




anchor.fm


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> His podcast has a niche following. What he has posted about his missus is so different to what he normally posts there really means the majority of people who are on TAM would not be his core audience.


Either way, it's driving more traffic to his website. Wouldn't that fall under advertising, which only vendors can do?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bobert said:


> Either way, it's driving more traffic to his website. Wouldn't that fall under advertising, which only vendors can do?


His podcast isn't commercialised, so it's not seen as an issue. (Yeah, this was considered by the mods)

For example I have several blogs some of which are, sometimes, relevant to TAM, due to the content. However, I will not link to them on TAM because they are commercialised and I'd not feel comfortable about doing that.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

bobert said:


> Either way, it's driving more traffic to his website. Wouldn't that fall under advertising, which only vendors can do?


I'm going thru hell and the only thing I can do is talk, the only thing you're worried about is whether I might make money off my misery!

_{Edited out name calling since it's against forum rules. EleGirl}_

I'm still alive, thanks for your concern!


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> His podcast isn't commercialised, so it's not seen as an issue. (Yeah, this was considered by the mods)
> 
> For example I have several blogs some of which are, sometimes, relevant to TAM, due to the content. However, I will not link to them on TAM because they are commercialised and I'd not feel comfortable about doing that.


I am here because of the pain, not for traffic to my podcast, I talk a lot, it's my only avenue to vent.

Those episodes will stay up on my channel as part of my legacy, the truth uncensored and unfiltered so that I can help others in pain from betrayal.

In other news, she unfriended me on Facebook and posted up how happy she is with her newly single life and haircut, it was never about me, hasn't been for a long time.

Referencing going on for the house, fingers crossed.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> the pain is immeasurable for me, I'm painting a smile while dying inside.



You seem what Id call an old-school guy's guy. Guys like you traditionally get a handle on this stuff much faster and do a much better job of properly addressing it. Start watching this _ Taylor the Fiend on youtube. _Watch a bunch of his vids. Read those books I recommended and videos. You need to learn the game first. 

As far as i can tell you sound like a complete noob when it comes to this sh+t. I know you are busy. Your wife is probably blaming you for always working for her actions. But if you didn't work you couldn't give her the life she expected. She checked out on you a long time ago. This is the classic* double bind* amigo.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

manowar said:


> You seem what Id call an old-school guy's guy. Guys like you traditionally get a handle on this stuff much faster and do a much better job of properly addressing it. Start watching this _ Taylor the Fiend on youtube. _Watch a bunch of his vids. Read those books I recommended and videos. You need to learn the game first.
> 
> As far as i can tell you sound like a complete noob when it comes to this sh+t. I know you are busy. Your wife is probably blaming you for always working for her actions. But if you didn't work you couldn't give her the life she expected. She checked out on you a long time ago. This is the classic* double bind* amigo.


Saving for a house, trying my best but it just wasn't enough.

I'm going to be fine, I'm positive about the future, ducks in a row asap and move on in the right way with my best foot forward.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Yawn.......


*We expect everyone who posts on TAM to stay within our rules.*

Forum Rules:
"*1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.* Personal attacks, name calling, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, promoting violence, will not be tolerated. The term “Personal” here extends to other TAM posters, their spouse, family members, and others might come up in discussion in their posts."

On the issue about whether or not we are concerned about people using this forum to drive traffic to their website, we also take that serious. If we allowed it, TAM would be full of what we call spam.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> *We expect everyone who posts on TAM to stay within our rules.*
> 
> Forum Rules:
> "*1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.* Personal attacks, name calling, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, promoting violence, will not be tolerated. The term “Personal” here extends to other TAM posters, their spouse, family members, and others might come up in discussion in their posts."


I chew a rubber ball, just so I can stay within the rules of dignity and respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jonty30 said:


> I chew a rubber ball, just so I can stay within the rules of dignity and respect.


Don't choke on it.. 😂 😂 😂 😂 

You're not alone in that.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> *We expect everyone who posts on TAM to stay within our rules.*
> 
> Forum Rules:
> "*1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.* Personal attacks, name calling, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, promoting violence, will not be tolerated. The term “Personal” here extends to other TAM posters, their spouse, family members, and others might come up in discussion in their posts."
> ...


Sorry, I'm not exactly a writer, I'm a talker, I find it easier to figure stuff out as I talk about it, being alone in a 43 tonne digger for 13hrs a day can be a lonely place under these circumstances.

My podcasts are my reality, the unfiltered truth of how I feel and my way of processing my thoughts and feelings, of which there are quite a lot of them right now.

I will refrain from engaging with those who have 0 to offer to console my hurt and pain.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Just woke up and checked my phone, had a message and a screen shot from a mate down South, he wanted to know if I was ok and what was going on.

Well it seems quite obvious, I'm now unfriended on Facebook and she has set her friends list to private which means reading between the lines that she threw out a phishing selfie for all the guys to get in on the impending action.

Slight redaction of name and face, this makes the last episode more poignant than ever, I got binned Tuesday and Thursday she's telling the whole world how happy she is with being single after so long, it was never about me, my hurt is collateral damage in this catastrophe.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Just woke up and checked my phone, had a message and a screen shot from a mate down South, he wanted to know if I was ok and what was going on.
> 
> Well it seems quite obvious, I'm now unfriended on Facebook and she has set her friends list to private which means reading between the lines that she threw out a phishing selfie for all the guys to get in on the impending action.
> 
> Slight redaction of name and face, this makes the last episode more poignant than ever, I got binned Tuesday and Thursday she's telling the whole world how happy she is with being single after so long, it was never about me, my hurt is collateral damage in this catastrophe.


It will come back and bite her. Women like this don't think long term.
I have a friend in England, who loved his wife, who did this to him as well. 
He has the sons and she's gone.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

I feel strangely indifferent to what I see going on now, I now fully accept my earlier conclusions, it was over long ago for her and I'm only just now finding out.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Thanks man, the pain is immeasurable for me, I'm painting a smile while dying inside.
> 
> 
> 
> Wow, so much to say about something you didn't even have the courtesy to listen to, big brain you aren't ya!


I am happy to read about anyone's situation but not listen to a podcast. Especially if it's full of f bombs. 
I am very sympathetic to your situation though, cheating is a horrible thing to do.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> It will come back and bite her. Women like this don't think long term.
> I have a friend in England, who loved his wife, who did this to him as well.
> He has the sons and she's gone.


It's surreal being a spectator to what I see as an inevitable string of randoms (colloquial for unknown and unfamiliar men) coming and going for as long as the sex stays interesting to them or she'll just attract the "hit it and quit it" types just looking for their next screw.

Feeling no longer as hurt as I was, indifferent and numb I think is a good way to describe my current state of mind.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> , being alone in a 43 tonne digger for 13hrs a day





fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I feel strangely indifferent to what I see going on now, I now fully accept my earlier conclusions, it was over long ago for her and* I'm only just now finding out.*



Yes. There was probably a lot of sub-communication as well that flew over your head. 

There is a lot of resentment built up on her part.. We've seen this story a million times.

She was lonely; you didn't care; you didn't give her attention (???? did you). Attention is like rocket fuel for women. It varies of course. you loved the rig; you were fking around on her -- Im guessing you heard some of this before.

Its going to take a long time to come to grips with it. that's totally normal. Just knowing your background you'll do it because this is what men do -- we get hit in the face and rebound. This is our fate in life. 

the best response is to go No Contact. (NC). Read up on the 180 as well. That may come in handy later on. Your objective is to get ahead of this thing so she doesn't spring any surprises and so you can *maintain control* - as you stated earlier. So that part seems good


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

manowar said:


> Yes. There was probably a lot of sub-communication as well that flew over your head.
> 
> There is a lot of resentment built up on her part.. We've seen this story a million times.
> 
> ...


I'm so wobbly right now, had to have the convo with mum now she's gone public soliciting for suiters with her "I'm so happy to be single" Facebook post, didn't want mum to find out second hand but even she said that she seemed different when she was down for a week up to the August bank holiday, constantly on the phone etc.

It was just a matter of time, it seems.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Deep joy, just back from sexual health clinic, over a decade in a committed relationship and I've not exposed myself to another woman, not only did I expose myself to one but two women and a bloody consultant, my penis was posed, photographed and swabbed, bloods taken and I pissed in the bottle.

Email should be pinging its way to me shortly, they advised me to come back in the new year as blood borne can take up to 3 months to show up.

I won't lie, I'm bricking it until I know more but it's a big weight off my mind to have it done and dusted for now.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

I can calm down and take a sigh of relief.

All clear on urine tests.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> I can calm down and take a sigh of relief.
> 
> All clear on urine tests.


Thank the Lord for that mercy.

Here are some links that might be of help to you








What happens when I break up with my common-law partner?


There is legally no such thing as common-law partner. No matter how long you have been together, you will not acquire the same rights as a married couple.



austinkemp.co.uk













Ending a relationship when you're living together


Information on financial arrangements, children and housing rights when a living-together relationship ends, including process of family mediation.




www.citizensadvice.org.uk


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I think, what you'll find, is that she'll easily find men willing to boink her, but she'll have a very difficult time finding a quality man for the long term.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This “lady” isn’t looking for a quality man.,… cmon bro.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's possible that she wants to retire from the role of being a wife and mum. That she wants to reset her life to 15 years ago.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> It's possible that she wants to retire from the role of being a wife and mum. That she wants to reset her life to 15 years ago.


16 years ago, back to 2005 to be more precise.

Everything has been a lie, skating through life with me because it was easy, now she doesn't "need" me due to living with her mother and there being virtually 0 consequences in terms of life upheaval, I already worked away, she replaced me and I'm just now finding out that fact.

I'm coming to terms with this faster now that I'm realising exactly how **** my life with her had been compared to other people's marriages where there was at least some kind of commitment from the other spouse.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

It's Saturday afternoon, I'm effectively homeless and I just don't know what to do, I had the little one most of last weekend and I'm not exactly sure I can hold myself together enough to go and pick her up, besides the only place I have is the caravan at work and it's full with my clothes and stuff I picked up already, I'm thinking to go tomorrow and pick up what's left and take the little one for the day.

It's so hard right now, my weekend routine is over.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Another ramble through my head, oh my days it's tough in there.









From The Seat Of The Cab • A podcast on Anchor


Digger drivers view of the world and its happenings.




anchor.fm


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why are you on the street and your cheating wife is warn and comfy? I don’t get it.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

We moved up to live with her mother so we could save for a house, coviid hit just as we moved and most of my industry shut down so I was unable to get a job local, it's her mother's house, I kept on working hard earning good coin and everything seemed fine until a few suspicions were aroused but not dealt with from around 6 months ago, that's why we are at this point.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you on the street and your cheating wife is warn and comfy? I don’t get it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> We moved up to live with her mother so we could save for a house, coviid hit just as we moved and most of my industry shut down so I was unable to get a job local, it's her mother's house, I kept on working hard earning good coin and everything seemed fine until a few suspicions were aroused but not dealt with from around 6 months ago, that's why we are at this point.


Sorry bro. That makes sense. I hate this for you.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Just remember bro, mummy said in a comment on her shallow faceache "feels good to be single after so long" post that "I've never seen you so happy Jo", this is either fully endorsed by or actively encouraged by her mother.

No matter which one, it's the polar opposite of what she should have been doing, if anything she should have been policing her daughter in my absence to secure the family unit for her granddaughter.

When we moved there I kind of always had niggling doubt over our longevity, seems I was right but unable to get a job local as fast as I wanted, the job I had was paying good and we seemed a happy family making the most of the life we had until we, or so I thought, could build the life we wanted in a home of our own.

Picking up what's left of my stuff today, I couldn't do it yesterday, still a bit too raw. Once I have my stuff out of there today and into storage I can then really begin to move on without fear of losing all that I had collected over the years.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sorry bro. That makes sense. I hate this for you.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Jesus wept, I am tickled, just a little 

My mate sent me this screen shot off her fakebunk (redacted of course).











Turns out that people are talking about her 

Might be me forcing her hand and arguing with her in the street about her trucking around on the phone behind my back and her admitting that the new man is "much better" than me apparently 

Not sure I hold much faith in his morals if he is screwing around with women who are in relationships but her mother seems to be the biggest fan of her new found freedom 










I think mummy might have played a bigger hand in this catastrophe.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Jesus wept, I am tickled, just a little
> 
> My mate sent me this screen shot off her fakebunk (redacted of course).
> 
> ...


The fact that she's still arguing suggests she may be having break-up remorse.
Not that I'm in any way suggesting that you entertain the idea of reconciling.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Not arguing with me lolz

If you listened to 1st podcast episode you would know exactly what went down in the street, it was deliberate and I made sure she looks bad, what'd she think would happen exactly, c#nt me off and think I would just evaporate and coz I worked away no one would be any the wiser that she had a new boyfriend 

I burned her with my actions, the whole Street got to hear her chasing me round for the phone, they got to hear her BS about him being "better" than me and know that there is way more to our "separation" than her BS "it wasn't working out" garbage that she might have pulled off had I not done what I did.

I did nothing wrong!


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> The fact that she's still arguing suggests she may be having break-up remorse.
> Not that I'm in any way suggesting that you entertain the idea of reconciling.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Not arguing with me lolz
> 
> If you listened to 1st podcast episode you would know exactly what went down in the street, it was deliberate and I made sure she looks bad, what'd she think would happen exactly, c#nt me off and think I would just evaporate and coz I worked away no one would be any the wiser that she had a new boyfriend
> 
> ...


I know you did nothing wrong. No worries on that.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Galabar01 said:


> I think, what you'll find, is that she'll easily find men willing to boink her, but she'll have a very difficult time finding a quality man for the long term.


Quality men aren't chasing taken women with kids, those scumbags are the "I like the chase until it get my wicked way then I'm on to the next one and I'll bang you until I get her in bed" types, of which there are plenty of those d!%k heads around lolz


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> Quality men aren't chasing taken women with kids, those scumbags are the "I like the chase until it get my wicked way then I'm on to the next one and I'll bang you until I get her in bed" types, of which there are plenty of those d!%k heads around lolz


She's definitely done herself a bad deal. 
She will regret what she did to herself.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Today's ramble around my head and thoughts about the chat I had with my mate in the morning.









From The Seat Of The Cab • A podcast on Anchor


Digger drivers view of the world and its happenings.




anchor.fm


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> She's definitely done herself a bad deal.
> She will regret what she did to herself.


No, that would involve taking responsibility for her actions 

Just ain't gonna happen


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> No, that would involve taking responsibility for her actions
> 
> Just ain't gonna happen


She will never admit openly, but she knows or will know when she puts herself into the meet market.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> She will never admit openly, but she knows or will know when she puts herself into the meet market.


All fun and exciting with the new dude, when that wears off, which it always does, and the calibre of men in her audience says that this just goes badly for a 40 something single mum with nothing much to offer, only a wet hole.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

fromtheseatofthecab said:


> All fun and exciting with the new dude, when that wears off, which it always does, and the calibre of men in her audience says that this just goes badly for a 40 something single mum with nothing much to offer, only a wet hole.


I always make the argument that the smartest thing a woman can do is find a decent guy that will still look decent, when he's fifty, and invest in him as her husband. Decent men, who are treated well will, usually, stay in the marriage for life.

But feminism has really messed things in this regard. They've made women over value their youth, and believe that they can use themselves sexually like the men, and that hurts them as they approach middle aged and their choices narrow.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> I always make the argument that the smartest thing a woman can do is find a decent guy that will still look decent, when he's fifty, and invest in him as her husband. Decent men, who are treated well will, usually, stay in the marriage for life.
> 
> But feminism has really messed things in this regard. They've made women over value their youth, and believe that they can use themselves sexually like the men, and that hurts them as they approach middle aged and their choices narrow.


This is so true, I have been a big fan of Jordan Petersen and he has explained so much and expelled so many of the modern feminist lies.

40 something women have 50% less market value than a woman in her 30s and 75% less than a woman in her 20s, chuck a kid in the mix and long term happiness gets even slimmer, she's 40 with a 3yr old, she is going to have a strong parental role and duty well into her mid 50s and at that age it's very slim pickings for decent men!


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Oh man, I am so touched by some of my listeners.


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

Trying to get a handle on my thoughts and the crap in my head, I am so grateful for the good friends I have for taking the time to talk to me about the things troubling me to settle my head. 









From The Seat Of The Cab • A podcast on Anchor


Digger drivers view of the world and its happenings.




anchor.fm


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## fromtheseatofthecab (Nov 3, 2021)

I've had to tell all my friends to stop telling me about her WhatsApp status online, I don't need to know that she's pretty much permanently online these days.

I am trying hard to push through the lies and deceit, her lack of communication about her feelings and the way this has all panned out disgusts me, her behaviour towards the only constant in her life for 24 years disgusts me and if she thinks that just because we have a kid she can waltz in and out of my life as she pleases, it's going to hit hard when she gets told to back off!

So much history, so much has passed and I rambled on the podcast about moving back to the UK from The Netherlands, the feeling of letting down the young fellas hurts me still.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@fromtheseatofthecab cheaters have their own MO and one which those of us who don't cheat do not understand. You have alot going for you and will get through this. You still have a lovely kid, just focus on yourself and your kid.
Get yourself some counselling if you need it, (no shame in that).
Make sure you come up with a visitation plan so that it is just pick up and drop off so she does not have to be in your life except for a few mins a week. No contact is the best way.


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