# Online dating etiquette



## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

Ok so I have recently signed up for a free online dating site. Not sure what I am looking for, but I kinda figured why the h3ll not. i am single for the first time in like 9 years.

I am getting messaged more than I thought I would. I am guy, so it is still manageable (no **** pics!), but I wonder what is proper etiquette as far as my obligation to reply.

I mean not really anyone has piqued my interest. I have been going back and forth with one lady because she is funny, but judging from her pics, I;m probably not be interested in romance.

A few others have messaged me, and I am not even remotely interested in communicating online with them. 

I don't do the facebook social media thing, so I am assuming these women can see that I read their message (and what time) or looked at their profile. Would i be a total **** to not write anything back? 

I was kind of thinking messages that were obviously genuine or took time to write would get a response. Do I say not interested in the response? How do you do that nicely? 

Any help on this would be great.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

wtf2012 said:


> How do you do that nicely?
> 
> Any help on this would be great.


no prob


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I would suggest ignoring the ones who you are not interested in. Just hit delete. Only in the online world is this appropriate though. 

They also can see that you checked their profile, but oh well. The thing about online dating is that you cannot take it personally. Not everyone will be interested. It doesn't matter if the woman or man is a drop dead gorgeous god, not everyone is going to be interested.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Fenix said:


> I would suggest ignoring the ones who you are not interested in. Just hit delete. Only in the online world is this appropriate though.
> 
> They also can see that you checked their profile, but oh well. The thing about online dating is that you cannot take it personally. Not everyone will be interested. It doesn't matter if the woman or man is a drop dead gorgeous god, not everyone is going to be interested.


Fenix is on the money with this one.. 

On the other hand I will tell you this. Some woman or not many get TONS and TONS of messages, especially when men see them actually online.. I had to send out 2 messages over about a 30 to 40 day period to my current G.F. before she took the bait and answered back. 

When we were first going out I looked at her inbox with her and could see first hand that when men see that she was online she would get close to 100s of messages within an hour period.. 

I've read some of the messages as well. I can tell you if you can just act normal ( assuming you know what normal is ) your in.. There are so many crazy people out here that even semi normal sticks out. 

But it can be rough as well. I've had to send out probably 20 messages to get back 1 or 2 responses.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I just got the Nigerian scammer posing as a white blonde voluptuous girl from Wassau, Wisconsin.. The message was so badly written, it was evident of scammery.

LOL. Fun times.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Hm. I'm of the other camp. I always write back after looking at their profile and specifically say something like "I just don't feel we have enough in common but thanks for saying Hi". The only ones I ignore are the "hey beautiful" and stupid fishing lines like that.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm. I'm of the other camp. I always write back after looking at their profile and specifically say something like "I just don't feel we have enough in common but thanks for saying Hi". The only ones I ignore are the "hey beautiful" and stupid fishing lines like that.


I don't know what the "acceptable" etiquette is, but I know I would rather receive a reply like this - that you don't feel the connection - than to see you've looked at my profile and are now avoiding me.

I was emailing once with a guy who was straightforward enough to say that he was currently starting to date someone he'd met on the site. He wasn't sure if it was going to work out but he only dates one person at a time. He said "I find you attractive and I'd be interested in going out if this doesn't work out. Would you be open to that?" Rather than being offended I was just delighted as hell that he was honest with me about it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm. I'm of the other camp. I always write back after looking at their profile and specifically say something like "I just don't feel we have enough in common but thanks for saying Hi". The only ones I ignore are the "hey beautiful" and stupid fishing lines like that.


As a fellow online dater I appreciate you do this. Nothing is more frustrating than composing a nice email to never hear anything in return. It leads to the dreaded cut and paste emails to as many women ad you can just to get a response lol. But seriously whenever a woman as done the ...hey thanks but don't think we are a good match, even if they don't give a reason, I appreciate the honesty and let them be.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> As a fellow online dater I appreciate you do this. Nothing is more frustrating than composing a nice email to never hear anything in return. It leads to the dreaded cut and paste emails to as many women ad you can just to get a response lol. But seriously whenever a woman as done the ...hey thanks but don't think we are a good match, even if they don't give a reason, I appreciate the honesty and let them be.


I've never online dated but knowing myself I too would appreciate this approach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> As a fellow online dater I appreciate you do this. Nothing is more frustrating than composing a nice email to never hear anything in return. It leads to the dreaded cut and paste emails to as many women ad you can just to get a response lol. But seriously whenever a woman as done the ...hey thanks but don't think we are a good match, even if they don't give a reason, I appreciate the honesty and let them be.


Just wanted to say I would love this as well. But it just seemed so much out of the norm on these sites from my experience.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> As a fellow online dater I appreciate you do this. Nothing is more frustrating than composing a nice email to never hear anything in return. It leads to the dreaded cut and paste emails to as many women ad you can just to get a response lol. But seriously whenever a woman as done the ...hey thanks but don't think we are a good match, even if they don't give a reason, I appreciate the honesty and let them be.


A nice email is rare. Usually, it is a couple of words or something they think is pithy, but actually obnoxious.  A nice email gets a response.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

Not sure I am cut out for this. It just seems like a lot of work.

Maybe that means I am not ready. 

It seemed kind of neat at first, but I having been a feeling general ickiness from the whole thing the last couple of days.

I wanted to try it to see what it was like. I probably should force myself to go on at least one date to get the full experience. But since my divorce, I have been really enjoying not giving a sh!t and doing whatever the f$ck I want to. 

What a conundrum...I would appreciate a little company/romance/sexy time, but probably not enough to work for it or suffer through the dating rigmorale.

Any misanthropic/luddite types out there actually enjoy online dating. (Man I sound like an old fuddy duddy, prob just need to own it)


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Fenix said:


> A nice email is rare. Usually, it is a couple of words or something they think is pithy, but actually obnoxious.  A nice email gets a response.


Ohh and I understand. I have a female friend who I helped set up her profile and landed her a husband :smthumbup: Anyway I would read the crap some men would write and it was horrific at best. So I know women get a lot of crap but their are nice guys on those sites as well. I rely on them cause I don't have social interaction with opposite sex members outside of work and work is off limits. So I have always appreciated someone just saying thanks but no thanks. Otherwise if it's someone I am really interested in I always wonder if maybe they just glossed over or didn't read my message to them type of thing. So I email them again lol


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

wtf2012 said:


> Not sure I am cut out for this. It just seems like a lot of work.
> 
> Maybe that means I am not ready.
> 
> ...


No set rule so this. If dating seems like a chore or aggravating don't do it and take a break. The worst date I ever had was with a woman who walked in assuming this date would be like every other date. She was angry before she hit the door and was unpleasant the entire time. Couldn't wait to leave.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

wtf2012 said:


> Not sure I am cut out for this. It just seems like a lot of work.
> 
> Maybe that means I am not ready.
> 
> ...


I hear ya. Dating is a rigamarole. Which is why I basically decided I was going to be open about the fact that I am not ready for a relationship but would just like some company/sexy time (i.e. Friends With Benefits). However, there doesn't seem to be a good website for that. The dating sites are set up mostly for long-term relationship stuff. Sites like AFF, while they assume you are looking for something specifically physical, are still work for both sexes. For men 'cause you've got to grab the attention of a woman getting hundreds of emails and for the women because you are getting hundreds of emails. But...AFF is where people tend more to look for a FWB situation if that's what you've decided.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

If you are just looking for a FWB type of thing, why not stick to the separated crowd? Most of them are not looking for an LTR (and if they are, steer clear, cuz they are crazy!)


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have a bunch of posts about online dating. Someday, I'll collate all of them into a post ... someday.

I can tell you that I used to respond to every email and wink. For a woman, this can be a staggering number on a daily basis. There is just no way they are going to respond to every email. You CANNOT take this personally. 

I stopped doing the response thing to anyone that I wasn't interested in, and here is why;
They would email back asking, 'Why?', 'What's wrong with me?', 'You must think you're something else ...', stuff like that. It's a waste of everyone's time.

I wanted to be courteous. Then, being courteous turned into tedium. The outcome was going to be the same whether I responded or not.

Do NOT attach personal emotions to the outcome of an interaction in the online dating world. If you have thin skin, you will be chewed up and spat out.

They say the average woman's rejection rate in online dating is at least 85%. That means for every 100 guys that reach out to her, or are forwarded to her via the service, she is immediately throwing 85 of them into the dating delete bin. Of the remaining 15, she may correspond with 5. Of that 5 she may date 1 or 2.

I can tell you unequivocally, that my rejection rate is probably more like 95%. I have gotten hundreds of emails, winks, likes in the time of been online dating. I have dated exactly 3 women as a result of them reaching out to me.

Quick rundown:

Don't send winks. Winks are for cowards (a woman sending a wink is fine. Men send a hello.)

Your 'hello' email should include content indicating that you read her profile.
DO NOT say she is pretty, or comment on her boobs or ass. Just don't. She gets hundreds of those emails, the women here are testament to what they do with those emails.

End with a question, or at least ask a question. This provides the basis for a response. If you don't get one, well, you still have a response.

Don't send a follow-up email if you don't hear back. Move on.

Follow the rule of 3. Do not focus on one woman. Find 3 women that you find attractive, and/or interesting. Send all of them a hello. If you aren't used to rejection, this strategy will build up your tolerance.

Include a full body-shot photo. Have at least 4 photos.

Don't say in your profile, 'Gee, writing about myself is hard.' Be confident, specific, fun and if possible, entertaining. Your profile is the single most likely platform by which someone will contact you.

Lower your expectations. Don't go into dating with the expectation of finding your soul-mate. If that is your sole purpose, so be it, but people can smell that on you ... and it makes them nervous. It also means you are far more likely to over-think everything that is going on in a dating relationship, rather than focusing on finding your feet, your center, and the path you want to take, while meeting new people, learning from them, and about yourself.

Dating should be light and fun, not filled with dread and trepidation. Fake it until you make it, and eventually you won't be faking anymore.

Trust me.

I have a simple goal when online dating, I never want to be anyone's nightmare dating story. So far so good.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

All the women I've dated in the past year I've met online. Currently seeing a gal who I met on match (although it's just casual). I don't reply if I'm not interested and I don't expect a reply if they're not interested. It's just how it works. I've messaged plenty of women and not heard back - no skin off my ass. And there have also been messages back and forth where it leads to nothing - someone just stops replying (either me or her). Again, no biggie, it's the nature of the beast.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

wtf2012 said:


> But since my divorce, I have been really enjoying not giving a sh!t and doing whatever the f$ck I want to.


Yup! It's hard to give that up once you have it! For me, the idea of a GF is better than actually having one. That may change, but I am absolutely loving my freedom right now. The occasional date/encounter is nice, but then I want my me time back.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> However, there doesn't seem to be a good website for that. T


Have you tried Tinder? I've had some success there. And it's kinda fun.


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Healer said:


> Have you tried Tinder? I've had some success there. And it's kinda fun.


I concur, tinder is fun. I used it to talk to guys when I needed a bit of a flirt without a lot of build up. Found some interesting guys, but stopped short of meeting them only because of starting something else up.

-M


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Morgiana said:


> I concur, tinder is fun. I used it to talk to guys when I needed a bit of a flirt without a lot of build up. Found some interesting guys, but stopped short of meeting them only because of starting something else up.
> 
> -M



oooh, something interesting??


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