# Impending Doom!



## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/6369-stressful-time-laws.html

Here I go again. My in-laws are coming to "visit" on Monday and I'm already freaking out. My anxiety level is THROUGH THE ROOF today. I've linked last years torture above.

If you actually read through the posts from last year (quite entertaining if you're not me ), one positive is that I have limited their stay to only one week....7 days....this year. Absolutely no more 3-4 week stays here! We did not go to their house for Thanksgiving as we had been doing (and will not be going this year either). AND...I have sent my husband out, by himself, to visit his family twice in the last year, and both times he made me change his flights so he could come home early.

The TAM members who helped me through last years grotesque invasion of my household are no longer posting. I'm hoping there are a few here currently who have a wicked sense of humor and can help me get through this years invasion.

Already, I've been going to the gym more than double my normal schedule and I'm drinking more than normal too. Just in the _anticipation_ of the in-law arrival.

Yet again....hubby works swing shift Tue-Fri. They will be here Mon-Sun. I was insistant that DH take some time off work to "tend" to his parents. They informed us they have plans every single evening with friends, which totally negates hubby taking off work. They use us for free room, board and car. And they nasty up my house and totally disprespect me while they're here.

Aaahhhh....if this one week of anticipation doesn't send me to the funny farm, the week that they are here is sure to!!


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Heh, I had to read your link there. OMG! I'm sorry but I laughed so hard. 

First thing to do.....go to the dollar store and buy 20 toothbrushes and leave them out in the bathroom for them. Then hide your good towels...might as well start the pile in your room now.

I would say to cover your sofa in plastic, but your MIL is large (my former MIL was too), and it's summer, she may sweat and there could be a dampness issue there and she would squeak every time she moved. 

It's only week, so as long as you're prepared, you'll survive. Just keep reminding yourself of last year. Your in-laws are lucky to have such a wonderful sweet DIL.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Save your sofa and your living room and put a TV in their room. If not another television, then move the one from the living room into their room even if it's large.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I knew you guys would help! Thank you. I'm really going to need it.

The TV in their room is a great idea. I will ask DH about that. Only problem is they watch tv at a volume the neighbors can hear. They will be staying in my daughters room, she will be sleeping on a blow-up matress in the play room. So their room is in the middle....common wall with ours, common wall with playroom. We have purchased (very expensive I might add) cordless earphones for them to use when watching tv. Both refuse to use them saying it's not comfortable, they don't like it. So the rest of us get to have our eardrums blasted because they watch tv 24/7. 

And I LOVE the air freshener through the central air system. FABULOUS! I'm stocking up now.

The marital relationship advice will probably be needed towards the end. My husband is on board with me in how awful his parents are and how miserable it is when they visit. He will complain the whole week, yet if I say too much he gets in defense mode and it causes problems between us. Unless it is something horrifying, which it often is, I have to put on a happy face or we start arguing about everything. I walk a fine line while they are here. I understand they are his parents, I would defend mine too, so I try to hide a lot from him, both to protect him, and to keep us friendly. 

The anxiety is better today and the gym is really helping. By the end of their visit I'm going to be ripped! 

Preparations start tomorrow. I have to stow away and hide half my house, ALL of my personal belongings, and bring out the linens I use only for them. Can you believe I even have to put the plastic sheet that we used when my daughter was potty training on the bed that my MIL sleeps in? I won't even go into the details of why that is necessary. This year I'm putting a password on my computer. I'll set it up so they can log in only as a guest. They don't need to be going through all my personal files again. 

Scarletblue....thank you for the humor. That is what gets me through these visits. Passive-aggressive or not....my MIL is a manipulative, ornery, nice-to-your-face then stab you in the back with a grin, 525 lb. woman. Sometimes it helps me cope to play along with her a little. :biggrinangelA:


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> Can you believe I even have to put the plastic sheet that we used when my daughter was potty training on the bed that my MIL sleeps in?


I’m a little more worried about the fact that you'll be the one to take off that plastic sheet at the end of their stay!! 

Febreeze has even newer stuff out than they did last year. It comes in pink and orange containers, it’s fruity smelling and really works wonders at covering up bad smells with good ones. Oh and Renuzit air fresheners. They’re the gel things, they work on cat odors in my house and if they can work on cat odors they can work on anything.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

MsStacy, 

I'm glad you understood my humor there. Sometimes, it's easier to get through these situations if you try to laugh about them.

Was I serious about the 20 toothbrushes? Of course not, that is assinine. I'm sure after the last visit, getting spare toothbrushes for them was on the top of your "to do" list.

Might I suggest glade airwick fresheners? I have a very large livingroom with 9 foot ceilings and one of them does the job (we have dogs). Plug a couple of those suckers in near the sofa.

My MIL from my first marriage was about the same size as yours. During a visit from her, she actually cracked my toilet seat in half and tried to blame me. She also had her other son come over and re-arrange my livingroom furniture once when I was out.

All kidding aside, hang in there, vent all you need to. In the long run, you will feel much better about yourself for being such a kind hostess.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Kind hostess by butt. I noticed in your other thread that you never said anything to them, but you have to. For example, they are not going to want to stay in the bedroom all day and will still be watching TV in the living room, still falling asleep on the sofa. But she's ruining your sofa even if for a short while. Tell them you don't want anyone sleeping on your sofa, to please stay in the bedroom. Also, tell them the TV gets turned off when daughter or you go to bed. Your household has to get some sleep and so do the neighbors. Or they can use the earphones after a certain hour. You can be nice but that doesn't have to mean allowing them to run over you.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Thanks for the air freshener suggestions. I went and purchased the new pink bottle febreeze, renuzit AND glade air wick. My house will smell like a fruit salad (hopefully!) for a week, but I just really hope it all works. I have a sectional and can actually place the renuzit inside/under the couch where MIL generally sits/lays. Crossing my fingers!

We are not putting a tv in their room. I'm trying to find a way to limit the available volume on the living room tv. Why don't parental controls allow a maximum volume to be set? How fabulous would that be? Online I'm finding volume regulators but it looks like those just even out the volume between channels, programming and commercials. Looks like I'll be seeking help at Radio Shack tomorrow. Regardless....DH said he will insist that they use the headphones when they are watching tv after our daughter goes to bed.

I also bought cheap toothbrushes that I will put in place of mine....they can have at 'em and feel like they're sneaking one over on me...but mine will be locked in my bedroom along with my toothpaste, towel, shower sponge, etc. I don't even dare just move it into my husbands bathroom (our master....I share with our daughter) for fear they might use that bathroom or shower and help themselves!

As for stripping the beds and doing the laundry when they leave...HELL NO...hubby knows that's his job.

It's going to be a long week. :FIREdevil: But I am so thankful it's only 7 days as opposed to the 4 weeks from last year. I keep trying to tell myself it won't be so bad....maybe they have changed, become better/easier/something. Then I remember that on my husbands last trip to visit them, when he arrived and had to use the bathroom he couldn't. He actually went to the store and purchased cleaning products and had to clean the bathroom before he was able to use it. For this man....that is saying A LOT!


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## pretzelsandbeer (Jul 2, 2010)

So, there she is beached on the couch. When she lifts her 200 lb leg and lets loose with a blast of methane and sulfuric acid, go in there with the Lysol and give a good, long spray directly on the offending site. Move your arm in a great big circle just to emphasize the scope of the problem. Tell her to raise an arm for a moment and get under there as well.

Another idea, saw halfway through one of the crossbeams in the couch so the first time she crashes, the couch collapses.

525 lb? Good Lord! that's just not good.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

No joke Pretzel!! I only wish!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trinket (Jul 3, 2010)

You are too accommodating, You should be scheming for next year i.e. make it all as inconvenient and uncomfortable as possible this year so that _they_ avoid coming next year.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Trinket.......what are your suggestions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pretzelsandbeer (Jul 2, 2010)

You want to see a 525 pounder move in a hurry! There's a gag device I saw for sale once that attaches to a toilet seat. Pressure activated, when someone sits a recorded voice says "hey watch it lady, we're trying to work down here."

Another idea, see if you can purchase about 10,000 red ants and, ... no ..., no, that would be wrong.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Oh God..... Here they come!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

DH told me last night as we went to bed that the in-laws have to use MY CAR this week because his mother can no longer get up into his truck. F*CK! F*CK! F*CK!!!!!

Her smell has already permeated the house. I'll have to completely disinfect, deordorize and air out my car too. So far the Renuzit and the Glade AirWick aren't cutting it. I have a large living room with vaulted ceilings and it was awful last night. Once she went to bed the Febreeze really cut it tho....thanks for that info. I'm off to the gym and then to the store for more air fresheners.


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

Hunt Brown said:


> you might want to stop by the dealership and see if there are any recalls on your vehicle that might keep it in the shop a few days.


Ooo, that's a good one! Or wait until they're gone and have them detail it for you while it's in the shop


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I shouldn't be doing this. I survived the four weeks last year without telling all, but it's only been 24 hours and I really don't know how to get through the week. I know this isn't exactly "marriage" stuff....but it sure affects my marriage every year.

My problem...MIL had gastric bypass surgery about 6 years ago. Very unsucessful because she did not deal with the problems that make her overeat, nor did she change any eating habits. So now that her stomach is the size of an egg, she overloads it. I will try to keep this as clean as I can. Because of her size she cannot get sick into a toilet, she can't get down there. So she gets sick into my towels, while laying in bed....my daughters bed. (This is why I put the plastic potty training sheet back on it. Although we have two twin matresses and I change them whenever the inlaws come..it's not the matress my daughter sleeps on....H*LL NO!)

This afternoon she ate and then got sick into my fabric napkins while sitting on the couch...in the living room....in front of my daughter. It got too violent, so she grabbed more of my napkins and went to bed...with the door open....and we could hear her across a 2000 sq ft house.

Once she was done, they left to go to dinner with friends. The offensive towels and napkins are laying in a heap on the floor of the bedroom. Didn't even brush her teeth with my toothbrush this time!

Oh....she grabbed more napkins out of my kitchen drawer on her way out the door! Guess she'll eat too much at dinner too.

DH is at work. He called and I told him it's going on again, only now in front of us all (she used to only do it in bed). He swears up and down, promises me that they will not come back next year, this is the last. (He's fed up too with this and a bunch of other stuff.) I still have 6 more days. He told me to give her all the napkins, we are definitely buying new ones when they leave, and place them on a bucket next to her bed. Told me to give her all the rags he uses in the garage too.

I just can't even be nice to these people this year. I have felt so totally disrespected in my own home for so many years. I can't even do the small, civil, chit chat anymore. I stay in my bedroom. I'm sure they notice it. I'm the one that pushes DH to keep in contact with his family because it's the right thing to do. I'm done with the right thing. I don't care if he calls them, sends bday cards....anything...I just don't care anymore. I know she has problems. Severe problems. And I could really do a lot better if she would do her thing and then at least throw the towels away....try to wash them...SOMETHING! Something more than throw them on the floor and just leave them to add to the pile. I have to close the door to keep the cat out 'cuz I ain't touchin' that!

I have to be easy on DH. I was pissy and snapped at him tonight on the phone, and he's doing the best he can. He hates it as much as me and I just want to UNLOAD....but I can't do it on him.


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## pretzelsandbeer (Jul 2, 2010)

Oh good Lord, that is truly unspeakable!

You can't have someone upchucking all over your house. And not even cleaning up after herself! That is way beyond anything remotely tolerable.

Stacy, you have to tell them to go. Find them a hotel, help them pack, anything, but you can't let them poison your house like that. That's your home. And your husband has to be man enough to stand beside you.

Otherwise, seriously, you should put your kids in the car and leave.

Praying for you, wishing you the best.

- Pretz


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Thanks Pretz. I need all the prayers I can get right now. 

DH is just beside himself. He's finally admitting to himself that he is totally disgusted by his parents and just doesn't really have much left for them anymore. It's pretty heartbreaking. 

I've been staying away from the house. MIL is home all day eating and playing games on my computer....and who knows what else. I don't even keep my daughter around anymore so they can "play or form a relationship". They don't do anything with her. Except of course bring her a doughnut every day. They go out to lunch with friends, hang at the house, and then out to dinner with friends. I come home when I know they're gone. MIL told DH today that she's feeling guilty. They wanted to spend more time with us this year (vs. all their friends), so we asked her to join us for lunch. She said no. :scratchhead:

When DH confronted her about her nastiness in my towels and napkins, she totally denied it. WHAT? Excuse me? There are a couple in their pile of dirty clothes, and about a dozen of them....nasty and all.....appeared on the floor of the garage in front of my washing machine yesterday. Is there a puke laundry fairy that shows up in the night that I didn't know about? WHO DOES THESE KINDS OF THINGS??? They went straight into the dumpster....not even in my washing machine, thank you very much. 

I am so sorry for my husband, but at least he's finally reached the place I've been for the last couple years, and this will never happen again.

Just 3 days to go


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

Stacy, I am so glad that your husband is seeing the reality of the situation. This is truly horrible and while it is an eating disorder of sorts even family members have to draw the line when it comes to what they are willing to accept in the name of an illness. This is your home and you don’t deserve this. 

Hang in there, only two more days!!! :smthumbup:


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Thank You WH. I feel better knowing that even strangers think this is awful and disrespectful. I go back-and-forth between thinking terrible things, feeling so disrepected and disgusted in my own home, and then I feel guilty because I know she's sick and I should have some empathy. It helps to know I'm not the cruel, hard-hearted DIL.

She's not speaking to me today. I have no clue why, nor do I really care. Maybe she has seen all my towels and napkins in the garbage dumpster outside. UGH. I've lost 7 lbs since they've been here this week. It's that disgusting!

Everyone just left to go out to lunch. I told DH I wasn't going and he told me to go to the spa for whatever I wish. Gotta love him!

24 hours. Lord help me....I can get through 24 more hours. Biting my tongue and keeping my mouth shut....I'm almost done


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Funny thing though...their trip out here every year always bring hubby and I closer. We really unite and come together. There is my silver lining.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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