# I'm missing my husbnad and him being gone has made me have flashbacks!!



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm missing my husband like crazy while hes gone 800 miles away working. hes had not a lot of time off to talk to me last weekend he had a class both days. 

I feel very connected to him when he calls me, but when he stopps calling me and instead texts me I don't feel connected to him. Not feeling connected brongs up feelings of him not wanting me or not missing me. That basically he is just keeping me apeased by at least texting me. I feel like what is he doing that he can't call me. 

Yesterday(monday) he also didn't text me as much as he does while he at work while on breaks. I didn't worry too much about it, but it did make me only want his call at teh end of the day even more.

I just feel like I am totally diconnected from him wihtout a phone call. I can't talked about things on texts that are important. I also feel way more calm and connected when I hear his voice.

me feeling disconnected and him only texting me the whole night makes me so uneasy that I will start comments or conversations that make him not even want to talk to me. Part of it I think is that I view his excuse for not calling me lies. he says that he doesn't want to call me cause I just talk about negative things. Just the day before he was calling me all day though. He also said that he lost his blue tooth. I don't understand why he can't call without a bluetooth? I wasn't even sure he really lost it either....Like I can't check up on him because hes 800 miles away. 

I feel like going to our marriage counselor by myself. Theres no way we can do marriage counseling together while hes gone. I just feel like we are having more downs than ups.

I imagine my husband always having needs and him getting his needs met by someone else. 

Also I am upset and worried about something else that I didn't get to talk to him about on the phone. We were planning on me flying down to AZ for our anniversary which is in early August, but all of a sudden last Friday..my husband said he got a call from a company wanting to possibly hire him. Its a company that hes been regulary applying for. He said they wanted to fly him out to Maryland the 2nd week of August. Maryland is where they do thier official hiring and paperwork. I asked him today if he had asked them if I could go with him. he said he caled and left a message. I asked him if he told them it was our anniversary and that we already had plans to be together. He said no. So now I'm thinking that this company is not going to want to pay for me without knowing the importance of me going with him. I also fear that the company either never comes through or changes the date...so in hind sight I could have gone to see my husband, but we will both be sitting 800 miles away from eachother


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If a phone call is what you need, have you told him? I can understand that a text wouldn't do it. Let him know that you need to hear his voice for reassurance as often as possible.
When you do talk, don't be negative. I talk to my wife nearly every day while I am gone for work. If she was negative/complaining/ fussing at me, those phone calls would just drag me down and I would likely not call as often.
The economy is in the ditch. If your husband has a chance with a company that he has been interested in, you may have to put your anniversary off for a week or two.
It is likely that your husband is not the only applicant for this job. The company doesn't care about your anniversary and is not going to pay for your vacation to be with him.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

If I was recruiting and a candidate asked if I would pay for their wife to come along, I would think they were bonkers. Maybe things are different over there but suspect not.

I don't know your back story OP but you are coming across as almost childishly needy. I know that sounds harsh but it could explain your husband's distance. He is the one 800 miles away, trying to fit into a new role with one eye on the future. I have read I think that your budget is very strained so improving that must have high priority. Maybe he just can't handle your level of neediness on top of it all right now. You might need to tough it out a bit more. 

Ask for a daily call by all means but be happy with just a minute hearing his voice and reconnecting for a while. Take some pressure off


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

All I have to offer, is that I had my husband write me a really nice loving letter, so when he wasn't able to contact me, I could go read that and it would make me feel better. I used it a lot during his deployment


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Do you have iPhone 4's so you can do face time? That's even better than a phone call because you get to see each other as you talk.

Frequent traveling is one of the top relationship-killers, because it robs both of you the ability to closely bond in proximity. Your relationship is not going to survive the long haul *UNLESS* you both make meeting each other's needs a top priority. 

If you need more voice interaction with your husband then he needs to do that for you. And if your husband needs sexual intimacy then you need to have iPhones with face time or skype so you can have cyber sex with each other at least.


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## tina2244 (May 22, 2012)

I'm feeling your pain blueskies... The emotional disconnect that I feel from my husband's absense and lack of contact drives me crazy. He missed our 1st anniversary last year and it's not the same even though we tried to celebrate it a few weeks before. 

I'm want to attend marriage counselling too but am waiting until he's going to be around for a few months. 

I wonder if DanF is right on point for us. I can't seem to be overly positive either. There is so much sadness, boredom and missing him.. Maybe we should portray ourselves to be a "happy wife" so that he will call more? LOL.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

tina she's a BS , there's a helluva lot of difference between both your situations


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## tina2244 (May 22, 2012)

I'm sorry for her situation anyways. Agreed, huge difference however the fundamentals of a husband that is away with $hitty communication is still there... regardless. I'm still tortured with his absense and it's a sad feeling to have.

Plus how am I really supposed to know that my husband isn't banging chicks while he is away? I can only trust that he isn't and live that.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Bottled Up said:


> Do you have iPhone 4's so you can do face time? That's even better than a phone call because you get to see each other as you talk.
> 
> Frequent traveling is one of the top relationship-killers, because it robs both of you the ability to closely bond in proximity. Your relationship is not going to survive the long haul *UNLESS* you both make meeting each other's needs a top priority.
> 
> If you need more voice interaction with your husband then he needs to do that for you. And if your husband needs sexual intimacy then you need to have iPhones with face time or skype so you can have cyber sex with each other at least.


Yes we both have iphone 4's and we use face time, but he mostly uses it for the kids and by the time they go to bed. my husband says hes going to get ready for bed. Thats the part that is really making me feel like this is anohter seperation. Hes also been very judgemental about how I raise the kids, just like when we were seperated. 

I got his work schedule from his cousins wife, he works at the same facility. 

I really need the talking on the phone more than facetime. I did install skype on my computer, but my husband has yet to do it. 

My husband needs touch as his love language, so I'm afraid of what he might do during this time. I did express last night that I was afraid he would start a free online dating service while hes gone. He said he knew I didn't trust him.


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