# His sex drive is lower



## Sachiel (Feb 4, 2013)

Through research I see that I am not alone on the issue of being a wife with a higher sex drive than her husband. We are trying to work through this issue and thus far have made less progress than I had hoped for considering the years we've been working on it. 

I've run through emotions of feeling inadequate and undesirable to him to which we worked through as not the root of our problem and regardless, sometimes it seems I am on the edge of falling back into those depressing, lonely feelings during times I feel neglected by him. I wish it were so easy as him simply "lending me a hand" before he drifts off to sleep at night but 90% of the time he isn't willing to do that. Having said that, I want to point out that we truly are deeply in love. We are in our 40's, have been together for 7 years, and we are each others VERY BEST friend.
Currently we are trying to find new ways of experiencing intimacy without actually having sex. I guess this would count as a compromise on my part. 
I've told him that my greatest fear is that, if this issue is left unattended, that I would become so frustrated and lonely that it would build a lot of resentment and over all unhappiness, which would weaken my judgement to the point of taking up outside offers of sex. I don't want to cheat on this man, I want to grow old with him; however, I need him to be my lover and not just my best friend. 

I am eager to hear any advice or thoughts on the matter but I have two primary questions:
Would anyone have suggestions to try for intimacy that does not require sex?
and
How can I avoid growing resentment?

I am new to the forum and hope I've not made a faux pas in my post. 
Thanks


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Has he spoken to a doctor? It could be a medical issue or a symptom from some medication he is on.


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

Massage! 

If he doesn't mind a bit of nudity shared showers are awesome. I love having my hair washed and a bit of a shoulder rub. When I was a student our shower over the bath didn't work so he used to sit on the loo and help me rinse my hair with a jug, thats nice too.


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## Sachiel (Feb 4, 2013)

@ tracyishere, He has not yet seen a Dr.
Perhaps I should offer to help him set that appointment up. 

@ mildlyperplexed, massage is fine for me and he has done this a little bit, but he limits how and where I touch him. We both recognize this is an issue, but he is highly sensitive to touch and not necessarily in a good way.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Maybe it's hormonal problem. Low testosterone could cause very low sexual drive. If everything else besides sex is fine (which means the communications are good between the two of you, he is kind and gentle to you, you don't nag him, no arguments about chores, etc), then I couldn't think of anything else but hormonal problems.. This could be fixed with hormone treatments..


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## peteevans321 (Feb 28, 2013)

I think it might be a hormonal issue as well. My DH went through something similar when he was in his early 40s (he’s now almost 50). We tested his Ts and they were below normal. I found a well-formulated natural libido enhancer online and in about 4 weeks he was back to normal. Just like women go through menopause, men too, go through some sort of hormone change at this age. Get him tested for low Ts. You could also help him find out why he is so sensitive to touch in some areas. Above all, be patient!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Did he have a higher drive earlier in your relationship? Has he ever indicated that he did have a higher drive in other relationships? If he did, when did he change?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Sachiel said:


> @ mildlyperplexed, massage is fine for me and he has done this a little bit, *but he limits how and where I touch him.* We both recognize this is an issue, but he is highly sensitive to touch and not necessarily in a good way.


A lot of women have self-esteem issues if they are overweight or their bodies change after childbirth, and that can lead to not wanting to be touched.

Could your H have some body issues that make him self-conscious or uncomfortable?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If your hubbies LD is from being over weight, then why doesn't he start weight training with cardio and do Intermittent Fasting diet?

Intermittent Fasting Diet is not eating anything for 16 hours. At that point, your body will get a boost of Human Growth Hormone. The water and fat weight will start to drop off and you won't lose strength or muscles. Just make sure he knows how many calories he needs to eat each day to maintain or lose weight and eat those calories in the remaining 8 hour feeding window. Drink lots of water as well.

He will get in shape, lose the fat, his insecurities will go away and get a higher sex drive.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Sachiel said:


> I am eager to hear any advice or thoughts on the matter but I have two primary questions:
> Would anyone have suggestions to try for intimacy that does not require sex?
> and
> How can I avoid growing resentment?
> ...


No, you're not alone. Sadly.

How to not grow resentment - remember that his body is his body. I know that people like to quote scripture about his body belongs to her, her body belongs to him, but really, honestly, our bodies belong to ourselves, and the way that we 'feel' in our bodies belongs only to ourselves also. So, as you already respect him as a person, respect the right he has to feel the way he feels about sex. 

As for figuring out how to have intimacy without sex. Yeah, I have no idea. Wish I did. Sorry.


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