# I'm being paranoid??? Please help me.



## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

[Deleted]


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

History of cheating plus more red flags than a Chinese military parade.

Wake the **** up already.

Get over whatever stupid guilt you feel for “breaching her trust by looking at her phone” and dump her.

JFC. What is it with all the whiny husbots lately?


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> History of cheating plus more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
> 
> Wake the **** up already.
> 
> ...


Ouch. I guess the lack of any other evidence and non-defensiveness made me think otherwise. Appreciate your response however direct.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Not sure if you know the definition of luck.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Not sure if you know the definition of luck.


Fair enough. I painted a little bit of an unfair picture. My family's opinions that she would never cheat on me (I tell them everything) makes me think she didnt cheat. I suppose putting all this out there if nothing else has showed me what a ****ing pushover I am.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

First, stop ****ing blaming your self. It’s not you, it’s her, all her. 
Second, she has a history of cheating, what did you expect from her?
Third, if you don’t have kids, don’t have any under any circumstances. She’s not wife material and having kids will screw you forever.
Fourth, Man-up and confront with what you have. If she pushes back, leave her sorry ass immediately. You deserve better.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t forget that.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Magoo said:


> Ouch. I guess the lack of any other evidence and non-defensiveness made me think otherwise. Appreciate your response however direct.


What is it that you need to see before you’ll believe that she has cheated and _is cheating_ on you? Do you need to walk in on her banging literally every guy from the pool and camp combined? Geez.

Also, knock it off with the public drunkenness, and stay away from women that get drunk in public. It’s trashy.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> First, stop ****ing blaming your self. It’s not you, it’s her, all her.
> Second she has a history of cheating, what did you expect from her.
> Third, if you don’t have kids, don’t have any under any circumstances. She’s not wife material and having kids will screw you forever.
> Fourth, Man-up and confront with what you have. If she pushes back, leave her sorry ass immediately. You deserve better.
> ...


Thanks bud. Just for clarification, the only way to handle this is to confront? I'm worried that telling her I checked her phone would really set her off. There has to be another way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Not sure if you know the definition of luck.


Right?!?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

At best she has HORRIBLE boundaries and that has to change. Cheating or not, she is pretty selfish and uncaring. She needs to stop the drinking and cut out the coed activities and getaways. And her drunken friend needs a new wingman.

However, trust your gut and keep digging.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

Thanks. When you mean keep digging, what are you referring to. My thought is to go right to the guy. He seems like kind of puss (moreso than me)


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> At best she has HORRIBLE boundaries and that has to change. Cheating or not, she is pretty selfish and uncaring. She needs to stop the drinking and cut out the coed activities and getaways. And her drunken friend needs a new wingman.
> 
> However, trust your gut and keep digging.


Thanks. When you mean keep digging, what are you referring to. My thought is to go right to the guy. He seems like kind of puss (moreso than me)


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Magoo said:


> Thanks bud. Just for clarification, the only way to handle this is to confront? I'm worried that telling her I checked her phone would really set her off. There has to be another way.


There is no other way in my opinion. I confronted my wife when I found emails between her and an an ex-boyfriend. She was pissed that I went through her emails, but my response was (more or less) I don’t give a ****, get over it, I caught you doing something wrong. The contact stopped.

She will never have any respect for you if you don’t Man-up ... and right now, you are behaving like a simp. For your own sake ... STOP IT!


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> There is no other way in my opinion. I confronted my wife when I found emails between her and an an ex-boyfriend. She was pissed that I went through her emails, but my response was (more or less) I don’t give a ****, get over it, I caught you doing something wrong. The contact stopped.
> 
> She will never have any respect for you if you don’t Man-up ... and right now, you are behaving like a simp. For your own sake ... STOP IT!


Her last relationship literally ended / went south because he confronted her about **** of this like. That's why I'm so hesitant to a degree.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Magoo said:


> Thanks. When you mean keep digging, what are you referring to. My thought is to go right to the guy. He seems like kind of puss (moreso than me)


And what about the next guy and the one after that?
You don’t come across as someone who is prepared to get physical with any of your wife’s boyfriends so maybe instead of fighting a new man every month why not just dump the skank you married.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There certainly are red flags. The truth is that no one in your family has any idea what she's capable of and really neither do you. Never think a cheater won't lie to your face and smile while doing so. You never know someone as well as you think you do. Never. All of us who have been cheated on are proof of that. 

Do you think the guy is going to tell you the truth? Why would he?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Magoo said:


> Fair enough. I painted a little bit of an unfair picture. My family's opinions that she would never cheat on me (I tell them everything) makes me think she didnt cheat. I suppose putting all this out there if nothing else has showed me what a ****ing pushover I am.


No, I am guessing that your family is a group of pushovers that prefer sticking their head in the sand. 

Let me guess kind gentle BETA father and your mother is mostly in charge. 

Why don't you grow up for Christ sake. 

Your "Wife" has been cheating on your for a while now. You are just too much of a fool to realize it, because you don't what to look under the covers. 

Yes she has been sleeping with him, so if you are man enough, you need to divorce her. 

It would be the only act of strength that she had ever seen from you. 

Please pull you head out of your butt...


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Magoo,

She is likely a serial cheater and from what you wrote is constantly on the prowl.

Then there is the question of what will being married to a woman like this do to you, I would not trust a woman who tells a man she is in her undies, you will never become comfortable with her going to co-ed gathering without you and it will kill you sitting at home while she is out.

Don't confront she will just go further underground give her enough rope to hang herself, continue to snoop married people should not keep secrets. Save off the communications with others. It's better to wait and end the marriage with easy to obtain evidence than for her to become stealthy and have to wait 10 years for her to make a mistake.

Tamat


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Magoo,

She is also likely a manipulator who will gaslight you into thinking she is not cheating, she will deny reality and make you think YOU are crazy. This will get worse and worse with time.

Have you seen a change in your sex life with her since you married?

Tamat


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Magoo said:


> Her last relationship literally ended / went south because he confronted her about **** of this like. That's why I'm so hesitant to a degree.


Are you serious?

You’re afraid of losing your relationship with a serial cheat?

WHY?!?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Magoo said:


> Her last relationship literally ended / went south because he confronted her about **** of this like. That's why I'm so hesitant to a degree.


Sorry for the tough language man, but if that’s your attitude, your doomed to wind up a ****. You’ll never get respect. I’m done, can’t say more than I already have without more information.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> No, I am guessing that your family is a group of pushovers that prefer sticking their head in the sand.
> 
> Let me guess kind gentle BETA father and your mother is mostly in charge.
> 
> ...


 guessed right. Father worshipped the ground my mom walked on and catered to her self absorbed narcissistic needs. Not the best mirror..


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> Sorry for the tough language man, but if that’s your attitude, your doomed to wind up a ****. You’ll never get respect. I’m done, can’t say more than I already have without more information.


No worries. I mean what the &*%$# did I expect posting the worst part of it on an online message board. I get where you are coming from though.

I think I have decided to move on and only confront if proof comes in front of me or I find it. Confronting her results in confessing one of us broke trust. Guaranteed to end badly. We shall see.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> Are you serious?
> 
> You’re afraid of losing your relationship with a serial cheat?
> 
> WHY?!?


I don't have proof. That's why.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Magoo,
> 
> She is likely a serial cheater and from what you wrote is constantly on the prowl.
> 
> ...


Thank you.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Magoo,
> 
> She is also likely a manipulator who will gaslight you into thinking she is not cheating, she will deny reality and make you think YOU are crazy. This will get worse and worse with time.
> 
> ...


no


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Magoo said:


> No worries. I mean what the &*%$# did I expect posting the worst part of it on an online message board. I get where you are coming from though.
> 
> I think I have decided to move on and only confront if proof comes in front of me or I find it. Confronting her results in confessing one of us broke trust. Guaranteed to end badly. We shall see.


Here’s what you’re not getting —

You have a right to expect loyalty from your spouse, as well as to investigate your suspicions via any and all reasonable means when your gut starts talking to you.

In other words —

So you looked at her phone. Big ****ing deal, and if you think that’s at all comparable to cheating then you’re out of your mind.

Confront if you want. Divorce either way.

And next time maybe look somewhere other than a pool, bar, or the bottom of an empty beer keg for a partner.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Magoo said:


> I don't have proof. That's why.


Geez.

The texts, her behavior, all the red flags, AND her past are proof enough.

End it now, lest you wind up raising some other dudes’ (yes, that was _plural_ possessive) kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I would suggest you stop telling your family everything about your marriage. It is none of their business and can cause strife in a marriage. Talk to a therapist if you need to.

Oh, yeah, your wife is cheating on you. VAR and GPS.


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## Magoo (May 26, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I would suggest you stop telling your family everything about your marriage. It is none of their business and can cause strife in a marriage. Talk to a therapist if you need to.
> 
> Oh, yeah, your wife is cheating on you. VAR and GPS.


What is VAR and where do I get it


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Voice Activated Recorder. Best Buy, Walmart etc. Look for a Sony. Somewhere on this forum is a thread detailing the best one and how to use it.

eta: weightlifter's Standard Evidence Post


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

@Magoo,
You posted this same story on SI and you are getting the same advice, if not even harsher. Sooner or later it will sink in with you. If you don’t take action soon, she’ll be bringing you “presents” home from her boyfriend ... if she hasn’t already.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Moderator note:-

Due to the fact that the OP deleted their opening post, this thread is closed.


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