# Hurt is almost unbearable at times...



## Clank75 (Nov 2, 2012)

My wife of 16 years moved out a little over a month ago to work on getting better emotionally after years of a rough marriage where i didn't be the husband that i should've been. No cheating, or no physical abuse, although looking back, i was probably what you would consider verbally abusive at times.

Anyhow, she feels right now that she "doesn't know if she could ever trust me with her heart again". Over the last 8 months i have been working on myself and making positive changes in my life so that i can be the man i never was, and husband i never was, and have more of a relationship with my kids that i never really had. For months now, my kids (especially my teen son) and i get along better now than we ever have. It's because we saw each other where we were, and have made the effort to work on the relationship. Right now, my wife is still too hurt and angry at me to really be open to any of that, and i don't really know what its going to take to get her to that point. I would absolutely be devastated if she makes no effort at all to get better and just eventually divorces without even making an effort at giving me, or us a chance to show that im not the same person. I've also recently started solo counseling for me because really, im man enough to admit that i cant do this on my own. I love her so much, and its taken me getting to my lowest to see what she truly means to me, and how wrong i was. I've told her all of this as well, and right now, her walls are just to big and i can't get through... So all i can do is just keep working on me, loving on her as much as i am able to, and pray that at some point soon she will see that i am truly making efforts to be who i never was.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe when she breaks up with her new boyfriend she will come back.

Have you taken the time to investigate the real reason she left?

I mean you can be the best husband now, but if there's another man effecting the dynamics of an already fragile marriage your effort will be in vian.

I suggest you look into this possiblity so you can change your tactics if need be.


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## Clank75 (Nov 2, 2012)

Yeah there's none of that going on, i know for sure. She works 2 jobs just to be able to afford to live in her apt. I have my kids for 3 days and she has them for 4. On the days that they're with me she's working just about all the time, and the free time she does have she's with her one girlfriend at times who also is going through something similar but she doesnt have the means to do what my wife did.

The real reason she left is what i said...years of me not putting her first and not being the husband that i should've been. I'm 100% positive that there is nothing going on like that at all.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe its her toxic friend that is effecting this fragile marriage?

At any rate, your best course of action is what you are already doing, focus in your self, focus on your kids and be a better man all the way around.

It will be up to her to catch up with the new Clank75 if she wants, If she doesn't then some other women will reap the rewards.

You can't force love but you can share it with someone that will return it.

Sorry for you loss. Letting her go would be my suggestion. See poeple want what they can't have and maybe, just maybe your distance and indifference you show your wife might get her to think twice in what she is about to lose.

Maybe when she see a new Clank75 moving on, she will second guess her choices.

My thinking here is since she sees you as not going anywere, she can behave this way and treat you with indifference. But once you return this indifference ( as hard as it may be to fake it) she may see the new Clank75 and it just might catch her interest again.

Let her go man and see what happens!


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