# Throwing a virtual fit



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I'm depressed. Big time. My brain is so fogged up that half the time I can't even finish a whole thought. I never thought I'd be such a miserable person.

My husband is a liar. He hasn't been caught in a lie since November. Cool right? Well, he's also come home almost every ****ing day talking about how amazing some little twat is at his work. EVERY.FREAKING.DAY. Then I find the following emails from him to her that manage to piss me off. 

1. "Check out these titis" as an email title. Yes, he's a researcher and it's a ****ing monkey joke. Should he be alluding to breasts when talking to other females when his wife is at home itching for a divorce? Guess the answer is YES! 

2. Multiple funny video emails only to her. He says he sends them to her because she doesn't have a FB. - Well damn, I wouldn't want her to feel left out. Nevermind that half that **** wasn't posted on his FB. 

3. An email to share the fact that a paper they reviewed together got published. He made sure to tell her that if that paper was published, she's a shoe-in. He's going to find a shoe in his ass. He has "no time" but can write useless little ****ing emails to her. Don't forget the word "amazing!" I wouldn't want her to think she's anything less. 

4. Calling her cutsie names like "Jers" and "Captain Planet" and using foreign language "para tu" to seem like some worldly douch-nozzle. 

5. Sending her the document titled "Evolution of monogomy in humans." Not a problem, except for him saying "Here it is, take it or leave it." What the hell does that even mean? Take or leave WHAT!?! 

I tried months ago to tell him that their relationship made me uncomfortable, but I was just yelled at. He said the only reason that I said anything was because he told me that he found her attractive. Actually, I was more than okay with that. I prefer honesty over protecting my feelings. He KNEW that it had nothing to do with it because I didn't bat an eye when him and her went out to buy our children things alone at a conference. 

True to our relationship I allowed myself to be manipulated and feared that pressing the issue would make him start lying to me again. Like I can MAKE him do anything. Sometimes I wish I could kick my own ass. 

Someone please tell me I'm overreacting because I'm depressed.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would never tell an angry woman to calm down. Let it out, hon.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Sometimes I wish I could kick my own ass.

That's a good one - I'll have to remember it.

Vent as much as you like - that's what we're here for!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> 4. Calling her cutsie names like "Jers" and "Captain Planet" and using foreign language "para tu" to seem like some worldly douch-nozzle.


"Worldy douche nozzle" (lol, btw) didn't even spell it right. It's "Para ti." 

Tell him again. If you told him the relationship makes you uncomfy and he's still sending stuff about tits and other things, he isn't respecting you.

What are you going to do?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> "Worldy douche nozzle" (lol, btw) didn't even spell it right. It's "Para ti."
> 
> Tell him again. If you told him the relationship makes you uncomfy and he's still sending stuff about tits and other things, he isn't respecting you.
> 
> What are you going to do?


I told him and he says he done talking to her about anything other than work. She's only there for two more months so I thought I could just keep it to myself, but I finally exploded on Monday. I can't handle him coming home talking about how fabulous she is while I'm feeling like dirt. 

What am I going to do? If we were back home I'd divorce him in a second. I moved to another state under the promise that things would change. Don't worry, I realize how stupid that was. 

I worry about custody. I'd want to move back home and he'd have to stay here for his PhD. I figure I owe it to my family to live in this hellhole for the next two years then move back home. At that point he'll move to another state for his postdoc. He knows how I feel about this relationship and that I'm tired of being an after thought. He said all the right things with a mile of snot was hanging annoyingly off his face. I don't know what to believe. 

I sent that biatch my tortilla recipe.  :rofl:


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You should be kickin a$$, but not your own.

Most the time when a husband talks about another woman being "amazing" and then you meet her, you roll with laughter. You realize "that" is what he thinks is amazing, what a joke.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes. He isn't respecting you at all. Especially when you let him know how you feel, and he has no consideration for your feelings at all. Some of what you describe sounds like the start of an EA in the making.

Vent away.

Btw. What does being out of state have anything to do with you leaving or custody? Would yo be stuck there forever due to custody laws?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

4sure said:


> You should be kickin a$$, but not your own.
> 
> Most the time when a husband talks about another woman being "amazing" and then you meet her, you roll with laughter. You realize "that" is what he thinks is amazing, what a joke.


The truth is she's a really decent person. She's intelligent, pretty, and nice. She's also newly married, which made me less concerned that something was actually happening. If I wasn't in the middle of a massive fit I would never call her the name that I used in my OP. 

I decided to email her with my concerns last night and she replied. She made it clear that she has no feelings for him and understands how I could see some of the things that are happening as flirting. Most importantly she didn't speak for him, but for herself. It's clear that she only considers him a friend.

As for him, I don't believe that he's not getting something extra out of this relationship. He acknowledges that the titi email and giving her nicknames weren't proper behaviors. At the same time he maintains that he treats her the same way as his other lab mates. When he says that it feels like he's trying to erase the things he has done. I've expressed that to him and he says that he doesn't have the ability to speak as clearly as me.

Let email #5 be stricken from the record. There was a perfectly logical explanation.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Btw. What does being out of state have anything to do with you leaving or custody? Would yo be stuck there forever due to custody laws?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm scared that they wouldn't allow me to move back home. I'm a SAHM and have severe anxiety about letting strangers watch my children. If I were home I could work doubles every weekend at a nursing home and leave the children with family. If I were here I'd have to trust a stranger. I understand that people do it every day and that my anxiety isn't healthy, but my anxiety always trumps logic in this situation.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

It's not anxiety. It's called being a mom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

So you are going to stick around 2 more years while he gets his PhD and you stay home with the kids? Losing situation for you. Even if she is leaving/newly married/has no feelings for him, he does for her. 
I would move back home in a heartbeat. You have family there who will help you. This guy doesn't seem to get it. Oh and btw, if she is so happy and newly married the appropriate response to lewd messages would be about setting boundaries. She didn't.


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