# Feeling guilty...



## so_sad (Nov 23, 2010)

I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 3. He is 39 I am 33. We have always had issues but we manage to get through. Four years ago I told him I was moving out and he proposed after 8 years of dating. I guess I was excited to finally get the ring that I didn't think that maybe we shouldn't be getting married. Anyway, shortly after we got married he stopped acting interested in sex and we stopped having sex all together. It has been three years and we are more like room mates than a couple. I am super unhappy and want to throw in the towel. He has always acted like everything was cool until recently when I told him I wanted to leave and now all of a sudden he wants to go to counseling and try everything possible to keep the marriage together. I feel exhausted. I don't want to try anymore. I started going to a therapist to help myself get back on track and now he wants to go....

I know I am not ever going to be a "couple" with him again and in my heart I know I need to just call it off and move out but I feel so damn guilty because now he finally wants to try...

Any advise that will help me get through this?

Thanks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So you threatened to leave once, and he proposed. Then things went downhill (rapidly?), and now you've threatened to leave again and he wants to patch things up again? What does he say about the reasons things have gotten so bad? Does he actually acknowlege that things are bad?

I guess the advice I've been given is that if you're sure in your heart that things aren't going to work out, it's best to cut things off. Guilt isn't going to sustain a marriage. 

C


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You don't see that forcing him to marry you made him deeply angry? It's a total boner killer.

If you have to threaten someone to marry you they don't want to marry you.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

He needs the counseling for himself, keep going. There was a reason it took so long to tie the knot and it likely wasn't about you.

Be thankful he is smart enough to realize the issues(after wiping your bootprint off his behind) and to actually get help for them.


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## so_sad (Nov 23, 2010)

Thanks for everyone's comments. I just want to point out that I didn't force him to marry me at all. I just knew that we weren't getting along at the time and I wanted out. I am not sure why he proposed at the time but he did. I do see that if it took him 8 years to propose then he most likely didn't want to do it in the first place. I am pretty understanding so why didn't he just tell me? My therapist said she thinks he is codependent and I allow it and am probably use to it. 

He said that he understands why I want to leave and he said that he feels responsible. I don't ever hold him fully responsible because I know it takes two but he never communicates anything. He said if I need to leave he would understand but he would be heart broken. 

I feel like we are room mates. We never joined our accounts and kept separate accounts for everything else, phone, credit cards, cars, ins etc.... 

Maybe I am not getting it...


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