# Not Attending Brother's Wedding



## TroubledBrother

Hello all, this is going to be a long post as I need to give the full details on why we feel we cannot attend my brother's wedding next month, but I would like your opinions....

I have two older brothers and a younger sister. Six years ago, my 2nd oldest brother and my sister (and their respective partners) fell out, and now their relationship is irreparable.

The brother in question has serious mental issues, severe OCD, obesity and diabetes. I personally have never really got on with him throughout my childhood and adult years. 

I married my wife 5 years ago, and all of my family attended our wedding, well why wouldn't they we were friends with everyone at the time. Next month, my brother is to be married to his fiance. 

Three years ago, I had a falling out with my sister. Started over trivial things, then progressed to a point where I posted a nasty comment on her Facebook page. My parents became involved and my sister and I had a meeting to iron out our differences, which we did and are now very good friends again.

Just before I reconcilled with my sister, my brother had been coming around my house with his partner, often uninvited. I never said anything, but he did impose on us. Anyway, my wife was due to have a social gathering the next month. My brother would not attend any gatherings where my sister was going. As we had been invited around to my sister's BBQ a few weeks before my wife's birthday function, we invited them to her birthday do. Obviously knowing that my brother would need to know about the invite, I let him know whilst he was round our house. He basically went silent and slunk off out of the house without a word.

For the last 3 years, we have not heard, or spoken much from either him or his intended. His missus avoided me in a local supermarket, and the pair left us miles away in a city to find our own way back after visiting my mother in hospital where they were supposed to visit her but never did. Bearing in mind my wife is disabled.

Anyway, a few months ago we receive an invitation to their wedding (my sister was not invited). I was a little surprised to receive it, since the cold shoulder for the last 3 years, but agreed we would go (to our parents that is as we never recieved the invite from them directly). 

Over the last 3 years we have sent birthday cards and they have always bought our daughter a birthday present or christmas present. This year, we had an invitation ready to give them to attend a restaurant party when they came round for our daughter's 15th birthday. They never showed, never called, never texted and as a result missed her gathering (which they probably wouldn't have attended anyway as my sister and husband were also invited!!!).

My parents are always keen to get involved in siblings disputes, especially any serious issues. Obviously they want us all to get on. I cannot work out what we have done to deserve 3 years of cold shoulder and my brother's other half being quite rude with me, but we are extremely annoyed that they have completely avoided our daughter's birthday and then had the cheek to blame her for not saying hello to them 2 years ago at another family function.

My oldest brother is the best man to my other brother, and all this is causing real tension in the family. I've already told my parents that we are not attending their wedding, but they keep on at us to go. It's getting to boiling point for us, as at one point my brother and his wife-to-be told us that they blame my parents for his mental state with his OCD, and they only ever contact them every 2-3 weeks, whereas we have them round our house regularly and I am in constant contact on the phone and have helped them paint their house and we take them shopping for groceries each month.

What is really getting my wife and I down, is that my mother is protecting the groom and completely dismissing that they are the ones who have caused all of the problems, and by taking it out on our daughter it has ended any chance of reconcilliation with us. They have made up lies to justify their actions, and my mother believes them.

This is why we are not attending their wedding, but we are getting to the point where we will have nothing to do with my parents unless they stop bringing the matter up.

What should we do? Again sorry for the very long post.


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## MrsLadyWriter

I've had similar rifts occur between brothers in my family. It took my father's death to START to get my brothers talking again. But it took my mother's death a couple of years later to really mend it.

Please see if you can talk to your brothers AND your sister ALONE - with NO SPOUSES or kids around. Explain how you don't want to wait until your parents' funerals to start speaking again. Tell them that, if necessary, you could maybe all get together now and again without anyone's spouse to just have dinner or whatever.

Maybe that will start the healing process. Then, if possible, you can all start getting together with the spouses. Just see if everyone will agree to one ground rule... whatever happened in the past happened in the past. No one can change it, so let's just all agree to start over again with a black slate.

Hopefully, you can get them to just agree to be civil enough before the wedding? Missing your brother's wedding wouldn't be the end of the world (I only went to one of my brothers' weddings) but it would be nice to go. 

Be the peacemaker here... you won't regret the attempt, even if it doesn't all work out.

Peace and blessings


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## Wiltshireman

MrsLadyWriter said:


> I've had similar rifts occur between brothers in my family. It took my father's death to START to get my brothers talking again. But it took my mother's death a couple of years later to really mend it.
> 
> Please see if you can talk to your brothers AND your sister ALONE - with NO SPOUSES or kids around. Explain how you don't want to wait until your parents' funerals to start speaking again. Tell them that, if necessary, you could maybe all get together now and again without anyone's spouse to just have dinner or whatever.
> 
> Maybe that will start the healing process. Then, if possible, you can all start getting together with the spouses. Just see if everyone will agree to one ground rule... whatever happened in the past happened in the past. No one can change it, so let's just all agree to start over again with a black slate.
> 
> Hopefully, you can get them to just agree to be civil enough before the wedding? Missing your brother's wedding wouldn't be the end of the world (I only went to one of my brothers' weddings) but it would be nice to go.
> 
> Be the peacemaker here... you won't regret the attempt, even if it doesn't all work out.
> 
> Peace and blessings


:iagree:


My father and one of my younger brothers fell out (over money) and did not speak for nearly three years. It was not until my paternal grandfathers funeral that that were able to put this behind them.

You do not need to be "best mates" with everyone in your family but it is nice if you can at least all be sociable.


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