# Wife Doesn't Share...



## diogenes72 (Jan 10, 2016)

Should I care that my wife doesn't share much with me. She doesn't tell me where she goes or what she is doing. I trust she won't betray our marriage but I feel we are roommates that have two kids and sex. She goes out with friends, nothing bad but will not even share pictures or stories shared or anything.

As it is we don't have much to talk about and since she doesn't share I am not motivated either.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I suspect that you would just disapprove, so she knows better than to tell you.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You've been married 20 years and x amount of time prior to the marriage. As you just joined TAM this year,has this disconnect been recent or has it always been present in your marriage? Has there been a specific catalyst for the behavior?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sheerly for safety's sake alone, she ought to be telling you exactly where she is whenever she goes out!

That being said, I think that some reconnoissance into her multimedia sources should be examined!

And as the old saying goes, "where there's smoke, there's usually fire!*


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Are you boring? 
Why don't you join her when she goes out?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Apart from feeling like roommates, I am also on a need to know basis. 

Has your wife always been like that or is it a sudden change in character? The latter would worry me more.

Some people are just private or have learned that too much information sharing can cause conflict or disapproval. I am learning just to accept that is how he is and it doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister. Like you, I trust him so there is no need to make a huge issue out of it.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

diogenes72 said:


> Should I care that my wife doesn't share much with me. She doesn't tell me where she goes or what she is doing. I trust she won't betray our marriage but I feel we are roommates that have two kids and sex. She goes out with friends, nothing bad but will not even share pictures or stories shared or anything.
> 
> As it is we don't have much to talk about and since she doesn't share I am not motivated either.


Do you ask her where she's going? Do you show interest in her life?

The last couple years of our marriage, if I left the home by myself I didn't say a thing to him, but would let the kids know. But, it's because STBXH never seemed to care where I was, even if I had the kids with me. And, 9 times out of 10 he had no clue where I was despite the fact that I told him. I would leave a note if he was in a meeting. But, if I had the kids I always told him or left a note. 

Perhaps she feels you don't care where she is?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

diogenes72 said:


> Should I care that my wife doesn't share much with me. She doesn't tell me where she goes or what she is doing. I trust she won't betray our marriage but I feel we are roommates that have two kids and sex. She goes out with friends, nothing bad but will not even share pictures or stories shared or anything.
> 
> As it is we don't have much to talk about and since she doesn't share I am not motivated either.


Dio,

Married women do not keep their husbands in the dark totally about where they go, who they are going with, when they are coming home, or what they have been doing. Now, let me guess, there is a password and you have no clue either on who she talks to or texts while she is home.

The statement " I trust she won't betray " above could be transposed to the vast majority of men whose wives afre cheating on them. 

Now based on what you have posted no one here can do anything to make a really educated guess, but you might want to google "Signs of female infidelity", and see if there are any more red flags here. 
To make it easy for you, aside from just dropping out of sight as she does with whomever she is with, heres a couple of more
(1) guarding her locked phone
(2) texts at all hours to an. Unknown and constant phone number
(3) changes in dress ( when she goes out is she dressed to "kill"
(4) changes in hair, makeup, or "grooming" her VeeJay
(5) differences in sexual appetite and activities
(6) changes in music listened to

Regardless, what you have briefly described would make you totally unaware of whether or not your above statement is valid.

DO NOT question her yet or say a word about cheating. My recommendation is if Andy of these other signs are available you need a VAR in her car, and you will find out in a few days what if anything is going on because if she is cheating she will be certainly talking to him in her car openly since you obviously have no clue. 

Like I said earlier, married women do not purposely come and go as they please and tell their husbands absolutely nothing about any of it for long periods of time unless there is a reason not to discuss it. You are uncomfortable enough with this behavior to post on gthis forum. The old saying is " trust your gut" .

If you do nothing no sense to get any advice because she ain't going to suddenly volunteer information. You wither find out if you have any reason for concern or you play ostrich and hope. That is your call.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Yep doesn't make sense, as Arbitrator said surely for safety and in case of emergency you'd want to know where she is?

And surely it's bothering you enough to post in a forum so why haven't you brought it up with her.

Sure there's a case for healthy relationships meaning people can have separate social circles/hobbies. But this is something else, you're excluded from her life and you describe it as roommates that have sex.

Are you ok with this?


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

BobSimmons said:


> Yep doesn't make sense, as Arbitrator said surely for safety and in case of emergency you'd want to know where she is?
> 
> And surely it's bothering you enough to post in a forum so why haven't you brought it up with her.
> 
> ...


Maybe he excluded her from his life and she gave up. I'm not saying that is the case. Too many people jump on the "she's cheating" bandwagon. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I'm just speaking from my own experience. If you saw the change in me the past few years, you'd like assume I was in some torrid affair. Not even close.

But, yes, it should be looked into. TALK TO HER!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I tell my husband where I am going, especially in the evenings and on the weekends since that would cut into "us" time. Unless I am going to a girlie thing, I can't imagine telling him he is not welcomed to join me.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I guess it depends on whether she's always done this or not. 

My ex was a schmuck.... crappy communication, didn't care to be involved....so I quit trying to involve him. I didn't tell him where I was going or when I'd be back. Unless it was a parental event or emergency...then I'd tell him once. That didn't matter.

I wasn't ever doing anything that I didn't want him to know about it, I just figured it was really none of his business.

Now that I'm remarried, my H is concerned about my well being, about my life, and about things that affect US. I had to re-learn how to be open and forthcoming. It was foreign to me. I didn't need help, or validation.... but it's soooooooooo nice to receive it! 

MAYBE she feels disconnected. MAYBE she is lacking that communication skill. MAYBE she is doing things she doesn't want you to know about. 

Y'all really need to talk about this....at least you will know where you stand.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

diogenes72 said:


> Should I care that my wife doesn't share much with me. She doesn't tell me where she goes or what she is doing. I trust she won't betray our marriage but I feel we are roommates that have two kids and sex. She goes out with friends, nothing bad but will not even share pictures or stories shared or anything.
> 
> As it is we don't have much to talk about and since she doesn't share I am not motivated either.


I can't even imagine a marriage like this, my wife and I are in dialog about our lives and what is going on all day. It's so easy with phones. Really sounds like a roommate situation. I think you are going to need to fix this.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

I'm in a similar situation. If your wife is being secretive then I'd worry but if it's from lack of effort on your part to communicate with her over the years then it's just as much on you IMO. Have you tried breaking the ice or even go so far as to suggest marriage counseling?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

prunus said:


> But, yes, it should be looked into. TALK TO HER!


Judging by his past threads, he won't, because he's a ball of passive neediness. Which also likely explains why she doesn't want to spend much time with him

Brother, get thee to therapy, pronto.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

GTdad said:


> Judging by his past threads, he won't, because he's a ball of passive neediness. Which also likely explains why she doesn't want to spend much time with him
> 
> Brother, get thee to therapy, pronto.


I didn't read his pasts posts. I totally understand not wanting to spend time with a passive person. Been there, done that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I went into your attic when you were out.

I first looked at the stuff that was packed years ago.

I found some photos of you and your bride. She was vivacious, smiling and warm.

You appeared quiet and somewhat nervous in most of the photos.

One of them caught my eye. It was a picture of a large group of people at some backyard party. You were off to the side looking bewildered. The others in the photo were having a blast. Some were hugging, some a little tipsy, some looking at each other in a flirty manner. You were glaring at your wife. She was looking at some other man. That man was obviously happy with the women he was bumping heads with. That women [likely his wife] was in heaven. To me, looking at your wife's expression, told me that she loved the display of love and affection that the other women's husband lauded over her in front of others.

Your near term storage items and photos tell me that you are as stuffy as the attic.

I found recent photos that were taken as recently as six months ago. What I found odd was the fact that yours' was the only ones that had cobwebs on them. Yours' were the only ones that had already faded, were starting to blur.

Some of yours had water damage. I could not find the source of this dampness. Maybe it was someones tears. I don't know. 

You want this to change? Climb out of your dour cocoon. Be alive, happy, receptive, coy, loving....horny....for her.

You have nothing to lose. Everything that you are missing in your life to gain.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

diogenes72 said:


> She doesn't tell me where she goes or what she is doing. I trust she won't betray our marriage


Why do you trust that she won't betray your marriage? Because you WANT to believe that?


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

diogenes72 said:


> I trust she won't betray our marriage but I feel we are roommates that have two kids and sex. She goes out with friends, nothing bad but will not even share pictures or stories shared or anything.



You're in denial. Quit being a door mat, shes walking all over you.

I might seem harsh but I'm speaking from a "been there done that" perspective


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

straightshooter said:


> Dio,
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Read his other threads. OP disapproves of her going to any mainstream movie in which there might be mention of sex or violence or drugs or alcohol. 

Does want her to make any appointments at home for service or repairs if a man will show up. 

Very old fashioned by also Sounds very controlling.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Read his other threads. OP disapproves of her going to any mainstream movie in which there might be mention of sex or violence or drugs or alcohol.
> 
> Does want her to make any appointments at home for service or repairs if a man will show up.
> 
> Very old fashioned by also Sounds very controlling.


You could be right BUT you are guessing. All I am saying is to take the guesswork out of it. But these days on these infidelity threads, any questions from men about anything seem to be "controlling". Not enough info to know what is really going on


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

straightshooter said:


> You could be right BUT you are guessing. All I am saying is to take the guesswork out of it. But these days on these infidelity threads, any questions from men about anything seem to be "controlling". Not enough info to know what is really going on




Probably lots of projecting, as in my case.


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