# Struggling early on :(



## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Hi everyone. I'm new here, so hope this the right place to put this. Just to give a little background info, I'm 27 and wife is 30, and we got married just a little over 6 months ago. 

Basically we have been friends for a long long time, she told me last year that she had feelings for me and wanted more than to be just friends. And I went along with this, and now here we are.

She has settled into being a wife much better than I have to being a husband. At this point I'm worried that I've made a mistake. I do love her very deeply, but I'm not sure if that's going to be enough. 

Please any advice from more experienced people would be great


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Quit focusing on labels, and treat her like you would treat a girlfriend that you really really want to keep. 

Best behavior, dates, cleanliness, good attitude, etc....


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

intheory said:


> What are you struggling with. Be more specific, if you can.


I guess I'm confused as to how I feel. If my feelings for her are as strong as they should be towards your wife. I know I should have thought about this much sooner. But she really wanted to get married before she was 30, and now she just seems so happy. I feel bad that maybe I don't feel like that


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Iced-disk said:


> But she really wanted to get married before she was 30, and now she just seems so happy.


And you married her. Nobody stuck a gun to your head.
It sounds like you are trying to make it sound like you had zero choice in the matter.

If you don't want to be married, tell her.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Feelings are overrated.

Take actions daily to make her life better because you are a part of it. That is love.

Here is the circle of marriage. Love her (as in actions). This will generate good feelings from her toward you. She will respond by loving you back (as in actions). This will generate good feelings from you toward her. Repeat this constantly and consciously for the rest of your life.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Hicks said:


> Feelings are overrated.
> 
> Take actions daily to make her life better because you are a part of it. That is love.
> 
> Here is the circle of marriage. Love her (as in actions). This will generate good feelings from her toward you. She will respond by loving you back (as in actions). This will generate good feelings from you toward her. Repeat this constantly and consciously for the rest of your life.


 This is exactly what I meant. Some people do get all serious about the label husband/wife. Wondering what you've done, is this working as it should, etc... It's like cold-feet after the fact. Take it day by day, CHERISH her...and she will probably make your life happy.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

intheory said:


> Okay, I get that you feel you shouldn't have gotten married. But, once again, why? Examples: sex, money, have kids/don't have kids, splitting chores, sharing interests, in-laws. What is wrong exactly?


I'm all over the place to be honest, we get on great, we always have. I guess I was taken by surprise when she told me that she wanted our relationship to be more. And it was only after I went on a date with someone from work that she told me how she felt, and that she didn't just love me as a friend anymore

I guess I feel weird because I always saw her as a really good close friend. I know I love her but that's maybe not enough.

I find it slightly awkward to be intimate with her because of these reasons. She has already said she feels like it's always her that instigates sex, and I can't really argue with that at this point


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How was your sex life before you got married? How long from the time she said she wanted to be more than friends to getting engaged to getting married?

You do know that you can be friends with someone, even care for them and love them, without marrying them, right? So why did you "go along" with getting married? Are you a "nice guy"? Read up on "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and see where you're at. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Iced-disk said:


> I guess I was taken by surprise when she told me that she wanted our relationship to be more.
> 
> I guess I feel weird because I always saw her as a really good close friend. I know I love her but that's maybe not enough.
> 
> I find it slightly awkward to be intimate with her because of these reasons.


If you felt this way, then why, pray tell, did you marry her? Truly. I would love to know. Because it's not like going on a date (getting married).


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Iced-disk said:


> I'm all over the place to be honest, we get on great, we always have. I guess I was taken by surprise when she told me that she wanted our relationship to be more. And it was only after I went on a date with someone from work that she told me how she felt, and that she didn't just love me as a friend anymore
> 
> I guess I feel weird because I always saw her as a really good close friend. I know I love her but that's maybe not enough.
> 
> I find it slightly awkward to be intimate with her because of these reasons. She has already said she feels like it's always her that instigates sex, and I can't really argue with that at this point


GET OVER IT. You feel "slightly awkward"???? 

Think in terms of HER and not YOU. Do something nice. Make her feel good. See what happens. 

Everyone who gets married makes a choice. There are always pro's and con's to the choice you make as a marital partner. But once you get married, you have to set those aside and go ALL IN. 

Only when you go all in, be the best husband you can be, can you ever truly know the answer to your doubts. You are preordaining the outcome/answer by refusing to participate properly in your marraige.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> If you felt this way, then why, pray tell, did you marry her? Truly. I would love to know. Because it's not like going on a date (getting married).


I know I know. I saw how happy she was and I didn't want to spoil it. She said she had wanted a relationship with me for a long time before she finally made her feelings known. I just don't know anymore. I'm not unhappy so to speak, just have things in my head.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Iced disk, I think I know where you are coming from as I am in a similar situation. However, I do try to be a good husband. I do things for her such as help clean, date nights, get up to feed and change the baby etc. She does similar things for me. 

Counseling may help, but for me it has proven to have had mixed results. 

At times I feel as though I am falling in love with my wife all over again. Sometimes I am not so sure.

She also, and has commented on the fact, that she initiates most of the sex. In my case we have very different sex drives. I am LD, she is HD. Do you have a lower SD than your SO?

I am not sure what the answer is for you, as I am still trying to figure out what the solution is for me. I will say this, if you think there is a solution that does not involve a lot of emotional pain I think that is incorrect.

Anyway, glad you are on TAM.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

lancaster said:


> Iced disk, I think I know where you are coming from as I am in a similar situation. However, I do try to be a good husband. I do things for her such as help clean, date nights, get up to feed and change the baby etc. She does similar things for me.
> 
> Counseling may help, but for me it has proven to have had mixed results.
> 
> ...




Thanks for replying. I guess I'm definitely lower drive than my wife, I do try and be a good husband for her, it just feels insignificant to how she's taken to being a wife.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

PBear said:


> How was your sex life before you got married? How long from the time she said she wanted to be more than friends to getting engaged to getting married?
> 
> You do know that you can be friends with someone, even care for them and love them, without marrying them, right? So why did you "go along" with getting married? Are you a "nice guy"? Read up on "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and see where you're at.
> 
> ...


 

From her telling me it all went really quickly. Within 8 months till we got married.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

lancaster said:


> Iced disk, I think I know where you are coming from as I am in a similar situation. However, I do try to be a good husband. I do things for her such as help clean, date nights, get up to feed and change the baby etc. She does similar things for me.
> 
> Counseling may help, but for me it has proven to have had mixed results.
> 
> ...



Thanks for posting. I guess I'm LD for sure compared to her, but not all the time. I don't think that's the issue really


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Iced-disk said:


> From her telling me it all went really quickly. Within 8 months till we got married.


Took us 9 months from when we started dating to marriage. She came home and told me the day we were getting married after she talked to her mother and sisters and cousins. Like a chump I went right along with it. :scratchhead:


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Seems we have a similar background lancaster. I knew for a while that she felt really strongly that she'd like to be married by the time she was 30, think that came from the fact that her two younger sisters had got married a few years prior, and her family take being married really seriously.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Iced-disk said:


> From her telling me it all went really quickly. Within 8 months till we got married.


So what about the other questions?

My advice... You already messed up by acting without thinking things through. So now, get yourself into IC to figure out where your thoughts and emotions really are. Do NOT make any decisions that will make a separation/divorce more difficult (i.e. Having kids, buying a house, etc). And once your figure out what's right for you, take action. 

And do read up on the nice guy stuff. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

OMG please dont get her pregnant! Why in the world would you just "go along" with something like this?? And I find it sad too that she was more worried about being married than being in a real relationship.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG please dont get her pregnant! Why in the world would you just "go along" with something like this?? And I find it sad too that she was more worried about being married than being in a real relationship.


Marriage has always been really important for her. And going from friends to married has been more difficult for me than her it seems. I wish she had of told me about her feelings a lot sooner


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Iced-disk said:


> Marriage has always been really important for her. And going from friends to married has been more difficult for me than her it seems. I wish she had of told me about her feelings a lot sooner


What difference would it have made if she told you her feelings sooner? You would have just got married sooner. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Personal accountability is a helluva thing.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Iced-disk said:


> Marriage has always been really important for her. And going from friends to married has been more difficult for me than her it seems. I wish she had of told me about her feelings a lot sooner


Just because she had feelings for YOU did not mean that you had to get into a romantic relationship with her if you didnt feel the same way! Thats what I was referring to about going along with it. Now that you are in WAY deeper than you should be, you need to decide which course to take...do you dig in and seriously commit to working on making the relationship work, or do you cut your losses and get out now? Can you be with this woman who you are not in love with exclusively for the next 50 years of your life?


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

It's a tough one. Because in fairness I don't know how I feel, she's not the kind of person to try and trap someone so to speak, I know her very well.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

I can't even be honest with myself on a forum....


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Quit wasting her time. 

She obviously just doesn't get it for you. 

Sentiment is a b i t c h but break her heart and be done with it so she can get over it and find someone who REALLY loves her and has the inherent desire to be her husband.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Sunburn said:


> Quit wasting her time.
> 
> She obviously just doesn't get it for you.
> 
> Sentiment is a b i t c h but break her heart and be done with it so she can get over it and find someone who REALLY loves her and has the inherent desire to be her husband.


I do love her though. What's wrong with me


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## Mario Kempes (Jun 12, 2010)

Iced-disk said:


> I do love her though. What's wrong with me


Sounds like immaturity to me.


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## Samantha86 (Apr 8, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I can't even be honest with myself on a forum....


What does this mean? Is there some pertinent detail that you're withholding?


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Mario Kempes said:


> Sounds like immaturity to me.


I would have to accept that. I have a bit of growing up to do


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Samantha86 said:


> What does this mean? Is there some pertinent detail that you're withholding?


I'm all over the place. I'm just finding this really difficult


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Are you seeing someone?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

hey I understand. You did not have a strong feeling about this, and said "hey what the heck, lets try out getting married". Now in the cold light of day you are saying "OMG, what have I done?"

So what HAVE you done. Sounds like you found a woman who loves you very much and wants to form a stronger bond. Sounds like she is really into sex (although that might only be to get pregnant, and then she might turn out to be truly LD....like many report on here). So, whats the problem with just going along for the ride. As long as she is easy on the eyes, gives you good sex, and is a supportive wife....you are not going to find much better with someone else. See if you CAN learn to love her. Half of the world has arranged marriages, and the report is that with time, many of those turn out to be deep loving marriages too! 

Try finding things to do together that you both like. Going on trips to the beach, hiking, camping out, clubbing, whatever you BOTH like, and see if the bonds strengthen


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Thanks for the advice so far guys


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP:
In your past -before her - have you felt a strong sexual passion for a woman? acted on it? compare that with how you feel about your wife, sexually.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> OP:
> In your past -before her - have you felt a strong sexual passion for a woman? acted on it? compare that with how you feel about your wife, sexually.


I'd say yes. But without ever loving the person. I do have a love for my wife. But I'm struggling with feelings at the moment. And I don't want to do anything stupid either


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

The question has to be asked if you are still in contact with the other girl from work... still


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> It's a tough one. Because in fairness I don't know how I feel, she's not the kind of person to try and trap someone so to speak, I know her very well.


It's not trapping when you just went along with every decision that was made anyway. You agreed to this and now you need to work out your issues through IC


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

intheory said:


> Are you gay? Do you think that is it? You can't stay married to her if you are. It won't work.
> 
> Sorry, that's what popped into my head when I read this.


You're not the only one. Think this need a to be answered. I just can't fathom a female friend of mine saying hey let's marry and me just go along with it. It strikes me that maybe this was a relief cause maybe you're hiding an aspect of yourself?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, you need to figure out what you feel for this person and be REALISTIC with YOURSELF and HER.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> You're not the only one. Think this need a to be answered. I just can't fathom a female friend of mine saying hey let's marry and me just go along with it. It strikes me that maybe this was a relief cause maybe you're hiding an aspect of yourself?


I suspect this other girl from work still has his eye and he is now questioning if he should have settled down with his good friend, whom he says he loves or should still be playing the field, specifically where this girl is apparently... what else would have his emotions "all over the place" than someone else in the picture on some level. I could be totally wrong... its just the vibe I've got.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Iced,
Can you stop dancing around the core issue for just a moment and be completely unfiltered.

Do you find your wife physically attractive? Do you like looking at her? How close/far is she from your physical ideal? 

It sounds like your wife:
- Told you she loved you
- Took you to bed
- Very quickly started talking about marriage
- Then very quickly started telling people you two were getting married

She gave you an effective but inaccurate sales pitch which went something like this:

We've been friends for so long, we already know each other. So we don't need to live together or even date exclusively for a year to find out if we are romantically compatible. 

What was in it for you? 
- Does she earn more than you do?
- What made you decide to just go with the flow?

I don't think you're awkward in bed, because you were friends for so long. I'm thinking you don't find her attractive. 

You ought to try being brutally honest as to what is happening. You'll feel better after you put it out there. 






Iced-disk said:


> I'd say yes. But without ever loving the person. I do have a love for my wife. But I'm struggling with feelings at the moment. And I don't want to do anything stupid either


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Iced-disk said:


> I'd say yes. But without ever loving the person. I do have a love for my wife. But I'm struggling with feelings at the moment. And I don't want to do anything stupid either


Are you sexually aroused by your wife? When you're at work, do you think about banging her when you get home?


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Iced,
> Can you stop dancing around the core issue for just a moment and be completely unfiltered.
> 
> Do you find your wife physically attractive? Do you like looking at her? How close/far is she from your physical ideal?
> ...




To answer a few of you're questions. Yes she is very pretty, that can't be doubted, very cute. What was in it for me.? I guess stability which I really needed at the time to be honest as I was getting out of control a little.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> Are you sexually aroused by your wife? When you're at work, do you think about banging her when you get home?


I have been, but it's not a constant feeling for me.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> The question has to be asked if you are still in contact with the other girl from work... still


I see her in work a few times a week. She sometimes texts me but I try and keep it formal and brief


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Iced-disk said:


> I have been, but it's not a constant feeling for me.


Is she not very "hot?" Are the girls that hit on you daily hotter than your wife?


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Maybe I was like the OP. I'm pretty sure my ex-wife had a deadline that she wanted to get married by. I was dating her for a few years at the time and was told in no uncertain terms either get married or lose her. That was the wrong way to start a marriage; she shouldn't have made the ultimatum and I shouldn't have accepted it! 

In my case the marriage lasted 14 years but it was poisoned from the start and near the end my soon to be ex-wife would ask 'Why I marry her' 'Why do I love her' etc etc and I never had any good answers, kind of like the OP. 

I look back at a relationship of 18 years total and wonder if it would have been better to end it before the marriage (I wasn't ready) or if I should have ended it when it started to really go south (about a decade in). 

Luckily, she didn't want kids, and we were both financially independent so money wasn't an issue too. So other than the emotional part of 18 years down the drain it was an easy divorce. 

Its funny some people mention that you may not be attracted to your wife. I had some similar issues and my best friend, now that I'm divorced, tells me my ex was ugly (to paraphrase) and that he's not surprised. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but its true you have to WANT to be with your partner, both mentally and physically. 

I would highly recommend some individual counseling (IC) to confront these feelings and see if its just cold feet or if there really is no attraction or 'romantic' love. My username plays on the fact that I got married because of a sense of 'devotion' which is important but is not enough. I know now if I get married again, it will be due to devotion, sexual interest AND romantic love. I'm not settling for anything other than the whole package, better to be single than that.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I see her in work a few times a week. She sometimes texts me but I *try* and keep it formal and brief


This tells me there are times that it might not be formal and brief... would I be correct?


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> This tells me there are times that it might not be formal and brief... would I be correct?


There was one time a few months ago were the texting went on for way too long, into the early hours. Apart from that I have kept my replies brief and workmanlike


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> Is she not very "hot?" Are the girls that hit on you daily hotter than your wife?


I would consider her very attractive, maybe my feelings would be explained better if she wasn't . Shes cute


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

A divided heart falls, Sugar... don't fence straddle... you chose to marry, forsaking all others. Sounds like there is some cleaning up to do in that department. Your role now is to protect your union, cherish it by nourishing it. Your best friend became your bride.... am I wrong?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Is there a reason you are providing so little information?

Are you embarrassed that she out earns you? Nothing wrong with that. 

It is however poor form to make vague statements like: I was getting a bit out of control. That could mean almost anything. 

If you were drinking/drugging too much, no one will judge you for that. Same goes for ****ting it up, you were single. 

I doubt you'll get scorched for saying she's boring in bed, unless your chief complaint is she won't do threesomes. You're entitled to a satisfying sex life. 

What you aren't entitled to is a marriage where you conceal the reasons for your dissatisfaction and deny your spouse a clear picture of what it is you really want/need from them. 

This will be my last guess but marrying someone for stability often ends in tears. You resent them for being controlling, and they firmly disapprove of your spontaneity/irresponsibility. 

But you can't seriously expect any real help when you provide a pinhole view into your situation. 




Iced-disk said:


> I would consider her very attractive, maybe my feelings would be explained better if she wasn't . Shes cute


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Iced-disk said:


> I would consider her very attractive, maybe my feelings would be explained better if she wasn't . Shes cute


Well, we're just trying to zero in on the problem. What's your T level? At your age, it should be around 800.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Is there a reason you are providing so little information?
> 
> Are you embarrassed that she out earns you? Nothing wrong with that.
> 
> ...




I'm sorry, I'm still new to this and a little embarrassed. 
I guess I was going out too much, drinking too much, not really looking after myself. She does earn more than me at the minute but that's not what it's all about.

I had/have boundary issues , where sometimes I cross the line and can't say no . This has been something I've been working on recently, trying to keep my mind occupied etc.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I'm sorry, I'm still new to this and a little embarrassed.
> I guess I was going out too much, drinking too much, not really looking after myself. She does earn more than me at the minute but that's not what it's all about.
> 
> I had/have boundary issues , where sometimes I cross the line and can't say no . This has been something I've been working on recently, trying to keep my mind occupied etc.




Is she aware of your boundary issues, and I am guessing you mean with other women.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Is she aware of your boundary issues, and I am guessing you mean with other women.


She knows my past yes. But by the same token, she says she trusts me.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Iced,
Don't sweat it. 

First off I think you are more self aware than you give yourself credit for. You have a hard time saying no. That's especially true with your wife. It seems as if she had a plan. She explained it to you and it sounded ok. Since you didn't have an alternative plan, you said yes. 

As for sex being - awkward. I think I get this. When you were a bit out of control you mostly had what I call purely physical sex. You have a few drinks, pick someone up and if it is good, maybe hookup a few more times. If you or they don't click in bed, no big deal you just don't hookup again. But a wife - well that's a whole different deal. Mostly sober. Kind of tough if she turns out not to like what you like. 

Let's forget sex for just a moment. Is your wife controlling? About money? Schedules? Your friends? Drinking? 





Iced-disk said:


> I'm sorry, I'm still new to this and a little embarrassed.
> I guess I was going out too much, drinking too much, not really looking after myself. She does earn more than me at the minute but that's not what it's all about.
> 
> I had/have boundary issues , where sometimes I cross the line and can't say no . This has been something I've been working on recently, trying to keep my mind occupied etc.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

I wouldn't say she's controlling, she encourages me to see my friends etc. she dos t mind me going out but don't agree with me getting drunk anymore, which is probably fair enough. As far as money goes we share everything,. Like I say, she's a perfect wife in many ways


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I have been, but it's not a constant feeling for me.


Realistically, its not constant with anyone. ALL relationships experience ebb and flow sexually. Let yourself off the hook on this one. Thats normal.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I wouldn't say she's controlling, she encourages me to see my friends etc. she dos t mind me going out but don't agree with me getting drunk anymore, which is probably fair enough. As far as money goes we share everything,. Like I say, she's a perfect wife in many ways


Sounds like she has integrity and will hold you accountable growing you into a better man. But allows freedom. Thats healthy.

I'm not seeing a deal breaker here. You have married a cute, loving, non controlling close friend who has established she has integrity. If its not as racy as you need spice it up, but dont fret over the eye candy around you. You are going to come across eye candy all your life, no matter who you are with, but where will it take you? Trust me, the marriages I've seen last are some of the best friendships I've seen. Spoil her, make her feel beautiful and her confidence and sexiness could very easily cause the other eye candy to fade into the back ground. Love well. When you take care of her you take care of yourself.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I remember a pastor at a marriage encounter was asked by one of the married men; "how do I know if I married the right person?"

the Pastor answered: "you're married aren't you?" He said "yeh".
Then he said "then you married the right person!"

You don't have to be religious to understand this principle. And of course it's not always true (abuse, infidelity), but the point is, sometimes we way over-think, even torture ourselves wondering if we married 'mr. or mrs. right' when the answer is right under our noses.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

I don't deserve someone as nice though. I'll ruin everything around me, even though I know I'm doing it.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Iced-disk said:


> I don't deserve someone as nice though. I'll ruin everything around me, even though I know I'm doing it.


I am not buying the pity party.

Come clean or quit wasting time.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Now - your post below - I do understand that. 

BTW: she sounds great - the only thing she pressed hard on was getting drunk. That is a good woman. 

Don't duck, dodge or avoid. Just be straight: what did the girl at work have, that your wife doesn't have? 




Iced-disk said:


> I don't deserve someone as nice though. I'll ruin everything around me, even though I know I'm doing it.


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## Iced-disk (Jun 9, 2014)

Probably that sense of excitement. Something edgy.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Find another way to feed your need for adrenaline... affair is a poor choice.

Keep the good wife and invite her on the adrenaline kicks.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I remember another thing the pastor at the marriage encounter said regarding the issue of bad thoughts including sexual temptation;

"everybody has bad thoughts.
just treat them like garbage. 'garbage in; garbage out!'"


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

whenever you find yourself struck by a gorgeous gal and want to fantasize or ruminate or have other bad 
thoughts, just say that to yourself. it actually works


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