# feeling like a married a different man



## lv2shop16 (Jul 22, 2010)

My Husband and I have been married for 2.5 years and had a baby together back in dec. I JUST found out a few days ago that he had another child 10 years ago and pays monthly child support. All of this has been happening without my knowledge. I want to leave, as i feel that I have married someone I dont even know, but because of our child, I feel like I should stick it out. Any suggestions on what we can do??


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Wow - what a bombshell! How did you find out - did he tell you or did you stumble upon something? I suggest trying to stick it out. You need to communicate to him what his hiding has done to your trust of him and see what he's willing to do to get it back. You need to trust what he says and realize that it's going to take some time but allow him to work on it.


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## lv2shop16 (Jul 22, 2010)

he just lost his job and I received his last pay stub in the mail which showed the child support being deducted. I was floored. I just dont know what to do or what to even say to him. This is too huge, in my opinion


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It is really, really bad that he kept this from you all this time. It is much, much worse he has a child that he has nothing to do with. A fatherless child wondering who his daddy is. Deplorable. He obviously wasn't paying support either for it to be taken out of his check. What a dreadful and sorry man, who never wanted you to discover the real him.

The decision to stay or go should be based on your own sense of moral standard and not using your child as an excuse to stay. Your child cannot help you with the reasons you feel you should go or the affect your husband's deception has had on you and your marriage. Those are what you base the decision on because they can either sustain the marriage (should you decide to forgive him and drop the issue) or destroy it (should you be unable to move past this). Your child has nothing to do with any of that, and his/her shoulders are way too small to bear the burden of your marriage. So, carry your own load and don't put this off on a child. You need a more concrete cause on which to base your decision.

You feel you don't know your husband, and it is clear that you don't. You feel betrayed and your marriage is a farce - certainly not what you thought your marriage was, anyway, and not the guy you thought you knew. I doubt any of that is your fault but if you stay, then you bear some responsibility to future surprises. That means there shouldn't be any future surprises because nothing else, no matter what it is that you discover should come as a shock to you. There's no telling what else he is hiding since this wasn't really even anything TO hide. So why did he? And can you trust the reason he will give you?


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