# How do you keep it all balanced?



## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

I just would like to get some feed back from you other ladies as to what you do to keep it all balanced. Kids, home, husband, hobbies.....I have often found myself neglecting one thing or another (never the kids), and not intentionally but it happens. I have small kids (toddlers and a new infant in just a few days) I stay at home, my husband works...we have pets and a nice sized home and piece of ground that has to be maintained. I do a little work from home on occasion and on the rare days that I do feel like there is a free minute for something extra I dont have the energy to do anything. 

Friends took the first plunge off the list- I really just can't seem to fit them in. I am trying to make sure and take care of my husband but he does get the back burner alot...

There has to be a way to get to a happy medium.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i work now but for years i was home with kids, house and pets and time for yourself.

dont try to do it all in a day.... your human and it even took "G" 6 days and on the 7th he rested... so give your self a break. 1st mistake people seeing tv and house wifes that do it all really not life at all.

i learned that a good planner or list helps (will not always go smooth but helps) and don't plan out your whole day this is tiring and will never work.

do your friends have kids... if older then maybe you could have them bb site yours for afternoon just lunch (lunch cheaper and if not business area usually in and out fast) if younger or same age a play day at the park may not be quality time but surprised at what you will be catching up on and make you feel connected. if no kids then this is hard but remember it is a small time just keep connected and you will reconnect later after kids a bit older.

now with the hubby (i had 6 girls all with in 7 years so i know) you need to stay connected so make that important but remember you are with them all day (or night) so he needs a little one on one with each from time to time this also gives you time... so you could do a once a month date night.. and or family movie night and don't forget dad's afternoon again once a month.

heck even if he sits with kids during a quiet time (some before dinner some after some right before bed) and you get a bath alone it is a generator feeling. if your not a morning person (i am by no means) and he is then get up one day here and there make him b-fast and talk... or if late night person kids to bed and a movie at home... yes one or both may fall asleep but it happens.

now back to friends... i joined a bowling ladies night and they had free day care... so my non kid friends and myself and others will kids all ages could come and my kids became friends with my friends kids and it works nicely... it was only 1 1/2 hours a week but did great for the soul. 

good luck me after 20 years and ready to be a gram... will learn to balance my own 12 yr old twins and a baby living in the house again... it is a balancing act but don't be afraid when the ball falls and you need to start again. there is no book of instructions.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Does everything have to be "done". I have 2 children PLUS a stepson who lives with us 50% of the time and I'm currently pregnant with twins. I work outside the home and have to cook and clean and everything else. Sometimes everything is just not going to get "done" (as if it's every really finished). 

I make plans to go out with my friends or my mom at least once a month. I make dates with my husband and I make plans for the family to do things together. If the dishes aren't washed, they aren't washed. It's not the end of the world. I'd much rather spend my time with my husband and kids being happy than worrying about this chore or that errand. 

Bottom line, I put myself and my needs first. I like to see my house clean, so I clean it but on days when I don't feel like it - I don't. If it came down to having enough energy to do another load of laundry or having enough energy to spend quality time with my husband, hubby wins.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

You can do whatever you put your mind to. My wife and I have 3 (soon to be 4 kids). We both work and she is also in school to finish up her PHd. I teach karate on the side and we also take Zumba classes together. We find time for friends, dates and each other. You just have to focus on your priorities and do it. We spend 1 hour every other night together just the two of us in our room. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we watch tv and other times we just lay down with each other. We found doing that hour every other day has brought us so much closer together.


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## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

i know my biggest distraction is the kids. We dont have any family close to babysit and while our good friends do have kids in the same age range I really hate to pass mine off on anyone. I know I need to suck it up and do that. I have been thinking about placing an add for babysitters and do some interviews. At least one night a week so we can do something other than be parents.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It's hard. For me, I find it slightly easier that I stay at home, so I can get in quality time with the kids during the afternoons directly after school. We've also allowed a TV in their room recently, so they like to go in there after dinner and watch that, and that gives us time to talk. We try to get away and spend time together, just the two of us, for a few hours at least on weekends, but it doesn't always work. 

As for hobbies and such...well, that's harder. I've found that I have to simply pick a hobby and immerse myself in it every chance I get until I get sick of it and then pick a different one and do the same thing, and just keep rotating like that. 

Friends...most of my friends and I just communicate through facebook, texting, and the occasional (very rare) phone call. We all have kids and stuff, so we all understand that it's hard and that friends tend to come last. Every now and then we will schedule some kind of play date or something with all the kids and all of us get together in a big group and that's how we get to spend time together.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I have 2 kids, under school age, and no family lives near us so we have no babysitters readily available. 

Friends: I spend one day a week with my friends at one of our houses, and that person organises lunch for everyone (just simple stuff). The dads come along whenever they have that day off as well. We rotate, and we all bring our kids, so the kids LOVE it. We all just look after them as a group effort while they get to play with their friends and different toys. I don't do FB or online chat. If it's not face to face, I'm not particularly interested.

Hobby: Mine is gym at the moment. Kills two birds with one stone. I get time to myself, and I get in shape at the same time. I just go whenever I have an hour spare here or there, and they have a creche.

Husband: Our kids have a set bedtime of 7pm. Then it's our time, which we try to have at least 2-3 nights where we make sure we spend the time together. This is our night. DH is just finishing up the sushi and then I'm off the computer for the night 

Housework: I always feel a week behind on this. I guess something has to slip. If I worked constantly in the time I have, I'm sure it'd all be spotless, but I have my days where I just need to recoup.

Kids: Planning to have one on one time with each of them for a couple of hours each weekend. Husband and I will be taking one each and the next day, taking our other child. We've just been trying to spend the weekends all together, but starting to realise each child really needs that one on one time each week.

Pet: Wish we didn't have one sometimes, but we do, and DH gets the responsibility for feeding her, and I do the rest.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

ok, the key is to organize, organize, organize and prioritize.

my wife and i fit your discription, 3 kids all within 3 years of each other in age. they are all over 10 now. biggest problem with getting things done is starting numerous projects at once and never finishing any of them, leaving the remnants all over the place which causes more stress and less feeling of accomplishment. honestly look at your work habits and determine what really needs to get done, attack it and finish before moving on. i know kids can waylay your efforts quciker than anything and it may well be the hardest job on the planet (especially when they are young), but it can be done. when they are young like yours, it just becomes a matter of survival for all, and your husband needs to be supportive and understanding of that.

this is all based on my personal experience, wife is a fantastic mother, her real issue is time and project management, even when the kids are in school she locks herself down by creating her own problems.


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## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

thanks for the replies. I guess I will figure it all out in due time. I know it would make a world of difference if I could get my 3 yr old to go to sleep at a decent hour. I put her t bed at 9 and she lays awake and talks or will get up and down sometimes til midnight. Im at a loss on that one. I keep her busy, she doesnt nap during the day, this kid outta be pooped out by 9 but no such luck. My 19 month old is easy. At 9 she is asking to go to sleep.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you ever watch SuperNanny? You should. You'll learn a lot about things like getting kids to bed on time. 

If your 3 year old stays awake...that's her problem. If she gets out of bed, you take her by the hand, put her back in bed and say it's bedtime, goodnight and leave the room. If she does it again, you take her back and put her in bed and say goodnight and leave the room. If she does it again, you take her back and without a word, leave the room. And again and again and again.

This is a battle of wills and if you don't act like the adult, she will run right over you. It will likely take one horrendous night of you putting her back in bed, but eventually, she WILL click to the fact that she no longer gets to get out of bed. And she will stop. It's a matter of who's the boss.

Same goes for time outs. If they get up from their naughty spot, you put them back. And again. And again. And again. Until it clicks that you are now in charge.

Other things you can do is start a rule I learned from Montessori school: You play with ONE toy AT A TIME. And you PUT IT AWAY before the next toy is taken out. You'll be amazed at how clean your house stays once you do that.

Another thing: flylady.com for keeping house, keeping organized, and getting things done.

And start hanging out with your friends before you burn out.

Oh, and how much does your husband do? With that many kids, he had _better _be helping at night and spending time with the kids so you have time off.


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## cheetahcub (Aug 18, 2010)

Here is some tips I learned from older stay at home moms that really helped me out when I was in that stage. I still use it.
1. Change the time that you start making dinner. Make it earlier, so that when hubby comes home things are more relaxed and ready, since it's just heat and eat.
2. Bathtime can be longer for the kids if you join them. It will use up their energy and have you feeling refreshed and alive again by the time hub comes home.
3. Focus on yourself while enjoying/working in the garden. Get the tan, relax out there with the kiddos, like a picnic or something...good thing is the house will stay clean.
4. Have a space in the house that's not cluttered with toys, the place where you guys can be adults together, with adult things surrounding you. a Safe haven. If you can't, make sure there's a space cleaned up (not the whole house, you're not a machine!) where you can relax together, without falling over toys.
5. With tods you can't have many rules. Have 3 or 4, but stay with it. And Timelines that says now it's time to bath, now it's time to eat, now it's time to sleep, now is time to pick up toys. Get a mini structure like playgroups have. It really really works. Get a bell or a whistle announcing the times, so that the kids can learn the routine. Don't get into a fight, rather make a song that goes with it.
6. Have a peaceful atmoshere when daddy comes, make it special time. If he comes at the same time everyday, you can try and read a story to them round about 10minutes before he arrives, so everyone is chilled. That's a recipe for a lovely evening.

This time passes quickly. Pretty soon they will keep themselves busy, and go to school. Hang in there. Don't worry about a clean home...clean homes are never that friendly anyways!


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