# Married for a year and feeling depressed..I need help



## michaela4m (Aug 16, 2010)

I am 27 years old and have been with my husband for almost 10 years. We met in highschool and got married a little over a year ago. He was my first real boyfriend and the love of my life. We did everything together. We went to highschool and college together and were so close and became so compatible. In highschool, he kissed a girl at a party while we were dating and that broke my heart. He confessed to it after 1 1/2 years. B/c I was so upset with him for doing that, shortly after I found out, I hung out with a guy when I was 19 years old. Nothing physical every happened. I never mentioned this to my husband until a couple months ago. However, around the same time I hung out with this person, my husband hung out with a girl 3 times while we were dating. I found out about this on my own when I checked his email. Long story short, I never got over what he did to me. I became obsessed with this girl and would look her up everyday on facebook and myspace to see pictures of her. I also harassed my boyfriend about it for the last 7 years. I know, pathetic. But I just could not shake it. I felt guilty for not telling him I did the same thing, so I told him 2 months ago. Ever since then, it has been downhill. He is mad and angry at me for the fact I hid it from him and that I harassed him to no end about what he did. We have been fighting for 2 months off and on. We both had argued we would get divorced. Even though I didn't want to, I would say it. I ran to my parents alot of times and would cry and complain about my husband. Of course, my parents took my defense and became upset with how I was being treated. My husband and I never started a savings together yet. We have a combined checking account and seperate savings accounts. A couple weeks ago, I noticed in our checking account a large sum of money was in there. I then realized that sum of money was the difference of what I had in my savings compared to his. He had exactly that much more. I asked him what he was doing with it and he wouldn't tell me. He said he may give it to some one or invest in it. I kind of dropped it for the day, I thought maybe he was going to by a car ( he is really into cars and always wanted a 2nd car, but I had always said we should wait until we get a house first then buy the 2nd car, (we live in an apartment)). We started going to marriage counseling that day. The next day, the money is withdrawn and found out that he made out a Cashier's check for his mom. He now tells me that he wanted to pay his mom back for college. I have been devastated by this. I am completely heartbroken and depressed what he is doing to me. I don't care for his money! I have enough that I saved as well on my own, but it is the principal. It is so devasting that he doesn't trust me and is doing shady stuff behind my back. He told me it seems we are headed for divorce and the fact that he wanted to pay his mom back, is why he gave her the money. I feel so betrayed. I've known this guy since we were teenagers and he is already planning. He says to me I will never see the money and he won't be asking for it back from his mom. I told my parents this and they are completely upset with him and his actions. He fails to recognize what he is doing is harming our marriage. Just when we are going to marriage counseling to fix our problems, he just adds on to it. I am in love with him so much and am scared to not be with him. I wanted to be with him forever and never even considered a divorce. I thought God planned for us to meet and be together. He tells me to stop arguing with him about the money and to just get over it. I can't seem to do that, I am really upset. I am also upset that our parents are involved. My mom called up my husband's father and was a bit out of line with some things. Now, I can never go to my in laws again. I am so depressed. I really am a nice girl and want to be treated nicely. I wanted to save our marriage and fix it but I feel like so empty now. Please I need help. He says he will never care for me anymore. I feel like I need to stand by him b/c he is so hurt by me, but he may be serious he wants out. I am so scared to lose him and he knows this. How do I get him to love me and accept me and that Imade one mistake in my life. Please I love him so much and want to live a lifetime together.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Im probably not understanding something about what that money meant to you because I dont really understand why you are so upset about him giving that money to his mom. Was it from his savings? My H also took money out to pay his mom back for college. I thought it was a really good thing that showed a lot of mature, responsible character. But I guess i must be missing something. 

I also dont understand why your H would be so upset that you hung out with a guy. Nothing even happened. He's done it to you multiple times and even kissed a girl. I think he's just using that because he's fed up with your harassment and wants you off his back. this is his chance to take out all his resentment. 

I dont know about giving up on the marriage. It sure sounds like a tangle of emotions. But i can tell you my H and I have been through worse (im 28, H is 29). It can get pretty ugly. First thing is i think you need to stop bringing him down to your parents. through all the fights i had with my H i never once said a bad thing about him to my family. and my family loves him. 

marriage counseling doesnt do anything- IMO. go to individual counseling. you need some neutral, constructive support on this so you dont need to go to your parents.


----------



## michaela4m (Aug 16, 2010)

When I asked him why there was such a large amount of money in the checking account, H said he was going to do something with it. He may invest in it, gamble with it, give it to someone. I later asked a couple days later where it went when it was cashed out, he said oh, he is giving it to his mom to pay her back for college. That is a bunch of bs. That amount that he transferred is the exact amount he had more than me when we got married a little over a year ago. Now our accounts are totally even. He even said that he thought of divorce and he was doing it preliminary. I still question him about it b/c it bothers me if he is hiding money from me, just in CASE one day if we get divorced, he can get that back with out having to pay me anything. and i don't even care about the money! it is the principal of him doing that to me!! we used to be so open about money and everything, and now everything is total secrecy. It is not normal in a marriage to hand off money to your mother just in case there comes a divorce. I feel like I married into a horrible family. I was I hadn't said this to my parents, but I did, and they are so upset with my H. They don't even want him over their house anymore. I know I shouldn't have said anything to them about it, but it kills me inside to have no one to listen to me and understand where I am coming from.


----------



## spm2010 (Mar 29, 2012)

Can you explain to me how you married into a horrible family when your the one trashing your husband to your parents every chance you get. And your mom had no right to call his dad and getting mad with him. It seems its okay for your parents to back you up but once they back him up there horrible people, thats not fair. Unless you discussed how money was to be spent and handled you can't be angry with him. If he is paying his mom back for college than good for him, not a lot of people do that and why should his parents be stuck with that debt. You harrassed him for 7 years and went through his e-mails, so if he is planning for a divorce I am sorry, but I can'rt blame him. He married you, not her, you obviously thats not good enough for you and hes tired of being made to feel bad about something that happened so long ago when he was young, give it up and move on. Stop telling him what to do with his money and stop talking trash about him and maybe things will get better. You have to start taking responsibility for your actions which to me, seem to have created this problem, but you are blaming everything on him.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Dead Thread Alert


----------



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

here's my advice and my situation is similar in many ways. Im 36 male. I have had only one girlfriend met her at 15. married her at 28 and divorced at 36. no kids. I was depressed for so long and added nothing to the relationship. I love her with all my heart. but I accept the divorce and realize I must love myself first. everyday I slowly get better and I improve as a person. I don't call her, I don't bother her I just focus on me. I nedd fixing and I accept it will take time. In my case as in yours. If it's true love just take time and deal with the issues. fix them and become a complete person. If it's meant to be then nothing will break you not even divorce. I myself plan to never remarry if she doesnt come back because of my values. I love her with all my heart and she's the one i want. and i will keep hope untill she remarries. but you have to understand that you have to love yourself before you can love him and if he gave up on you then show him. thats all u can do


----------

