# Marriage... Ugh



## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

I'll keep it short but could use some advice, tips or just words of encouragement. Thanks.

Been married 4 years. Two little boys that I love more than life. My wife stays home with the kids. I have been building my own business for the past two years. 

I get up at 5:30 every day, have an hour commute both ways, work my butt off every single day, usually 6 days a week. Get home at 7:30, spend my evening time with the kids playing, helping feed them, brushing teeth, reading to them and putting my oldest to bed. After that I help with housework (garbage, cat litter) and then I force myself to stay up till around 11 so I have time to spend with my wife. On the weekends I devote myself 100% to my family. 

My wife gives me no affection, no appreciation, no love, no kind words, nothing. She stopped having sex with me (with the occasional once-every-6-month 10 minute romp) after she got pregnant with our first child. And... sometimes she becomes completely irrational and just loses it. She acts like her life is terrible. And I know being a mom is hard... but every day she gets to spend time with the kids. She spends the afternoons with her friends most days. She gets to hang out at the pool, or go to the park. Makes me livid when she complains about how hard things are for her.

Last night our youngest was screaming in the middle of the night. I asked her to close the window so our neighbors wouldn't be disturbed (we live in an apartment complex). She snapped and became furious and yelled at me for about 15 minutes. She said I'm too concerned with what other people think, that I'm too sensitive and that I treat my friends better than her (I don't have any friends... spend all my time at work or with family).

I just feel done. I'm so exhausted. I feel like I'm holding the weight of the world on my shoulders and I have no one to support me or even acknowledge my efforts. If we didn't have kids I wouldn't be with her. 

Thoughts?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, she wasn't mad about you closing the window -- she's clearly got a lot of resentment built up.

Why? I don't know. You need to ask her.

I think in your position I'd be ready to call it quits, but really, you need to talk to her, and make her talk to you, and listen. Take the kids to a relative for the weekend, and TALK.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I would step back an examine your life 5:30 am til 7:30pm is a lot of hours a week. Have you sat down and talked to her w/o kid intervention.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

some women are just not cut out for the frustration of dealing with kids all day. when I had mine, I couldn't wait to go back to work. call me bad mom if you like but that was reality. 

she probably needs a job or a hobby something to break up the monotony of kids all day.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Same old post. I've written it. Hundreds of other men have written it. You're definitely not alone. I feel the same pain.

Go read Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy and Kay's Married Man's Sex Life Primer, and think about a 180.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Put your line in the sand. Tell her things have changed. That your marriage no longer bumps along as it is.

Tell her that 100% of the daily chores are on her. That you will take care of the house maintenance and garden while working to put bread on the table and the roof over your family’s head. That if she does need help you will step in and take some load, but that is to be an exception from the norm.

Tell her you will work with her towards a better relationship but you need her to step up with what she’s not doing because you cannot carry the load you have and keep going. That something’s going to crack. So changes need to be made before its too late.


She either steps up to the plate with you or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t you know exactly what the next couple of decades are going to look like. We predict the future from the past. You know for certain what the past is so you know for certain what the future will be.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I understand that you work hard for your family and I am sure your a great guy however maybe she is just exhausted from playing stay at home wife/mom...It can be pretty stressful (I have been on both sides, I was home for 6 weeks on maternity with my kids and am thankful I work fulltime and am not a sahm)...Have ya'll been out on a date with just the two of you? I know you say you stay up to spend time with her late at night but does she think that you are putting her last? Something tells me there is more to it maybe not in your eyes but maybe she is just acting out cause she would like more time with you and alot of times women don't just like being looked at as a mom (you know the you stay at home all day everything should be spotless that's your job and yours only) I know you say you help out with chores etc. I just think she might be burnt out and by the sound of your work schedule you might be too maybe ya'll need a couple vacation... Either way I agree with others you need to discuss this with her and find out what has her so upset. Women don't just snap over a window issue....


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

AFEH said:


> Put your line in the sand. Tell her things have changed. That your marriage no longer bumps along as it is.
> 
> Tell her that 100% of the daily chores are on her. That you will take care of the house maintenance and garden while working to put bread on the table and the roof over your family’s head. That if she does need help you will step in and take some load, but that is to be an exception from the norm.
> 
> ...



For the most part I think you have a point. But lets be real here 100% of the chores??.... I work fulltime but I know that when I am at home with my kids I do tend to get everything done (but that means going over the same areas numerous times and juggling the kids, and I am a mother of special needs) But if I were to go out (which the last girls night I have had was in 2008) even my husband has said that the kids are too much and hardly ANYTHING gets done...I am just saying lets give the SAHM a little slack because she works hard as well. 

And to the OP saying that she should be happy cause she gets to go to the pool etc and spend the day with the kids, have you taken a step in her shoes? I am only asking cause I have been on both sides of the fence. It's easier for me in my opinion to go to my job everyday (I can predict things that will happen at work and have a planned out day) You cannot have completely planned out day with Kids lol you just can't

I am not trying to bash anyone so I hope no one takes offense to this I just think that we are attacking and assuming this woman does nothing.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Just curious (based on another's post) did the sex stop after the first child or after you started the business?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Drover said:


> Same old post. I've written it. Hundreds of other men have written it. You're definitely not alone. I feel the same pain.
> 
> Go read Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy and Kay's Married Man's Sex Life Primer, and think about a 180.


Drover,

The only thing missing here is a post from River telling him why it's all his fault!


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

sculley said:


> For the most part I think you have a point. But lets be real here 100% of the chores??.... I work fulltime but I know that when I am at home with my kids I do tend to get everything done (but that means going over the same areas numerous times and juggling the kids, and I am a mother of special needs) But if I were to go out (which the last girls night I have had was in 2008) even my husband has said that the kids are too much and hardly ANYTHING gets done...I am just saying lets give the SAHM a little slack because she works hard as well.
> 
> And to the OP saying that she should be happy cause she gets to go to the pool etc and spend the day with the kids, have you taken a step in her shoes? I am only asking cause I have been on both sides of the fence. It's easier for me in my opinion to go to my job everyday (I can predict things that will happen at work and have a planned out day) You cannot have completely planned out day with Kids lol you just can't
> 
> I am not trying to bash anyone so I hope no one takes offense to this I just think that we are attacking and assuming this woman does nothing.


OP here:

My original post was not meant to bash her. I know she works hard. My park and pool comments basically to say this... yes, she has a difficult job taking care of two kids but she gets to go outside, enjoy the sun, enjoy the park and pool, spend time with friends. It's a nice perk. 

And to be honest, the stress of planning a day for children can't compare to the stress of running a business. Owning and running a business isn't a job... it's 5 jobs. A pay check is not a guarantee. Literally every minute of my day is spent working. Some days I don't even get to see the sun. And for her to get angry with me about her stressful day at the pool with the kids and her friends... seems disconnected from reality. 

Anyway... trying to not complain... but clarify.


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

Thanks for the comments so far everyone.


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Just curious (based on another's post) did the sex stop after the first child or after you started the business?


Immediately after she got pregnant with first child.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Ah. I really don't want to use the phrase "bait and switch"...

So I won't.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Good_Dad said:


> OP here:
> 
> My original post was not meant to bash her. I know she works hard. My park and pool comments basically to say this... yes, she has a difficult job taking care of two kids but she gets to go outside, enjoy the sun, enjoy the park and pool, spend time with friends. It's a nice perk.
> 
> ...



Honestly maybe she doesn't understand how stressful it is for you. You know the whole screwed up frame of mind if you own a business your the boss you should be able to make your own hours etc etc..the sterotype goes on and on. Have you ever thought of maybe showing her how it is or including her? just wondering


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Ah. I really don't want to use the phrase "bait and switch"...
> 
> So I won't.


I see what your saying but not every situation is like this... After I had my husband and my child he started treating me like **** so I lost all want to sleep with him. Granted it's better now years later but it took a lot of working on our marriage... Just saying there could be underlining issues


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Ah. I really don't want to use the phrase "bait and switch"...
> 
> So I won't.


You know you WANT to!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Seriously though, has your wife been checked for post partum depression?

Have the two of you discussed this lack of intimacy at all? I am more concerned about the lack of affection. These acts take almost zero time (a hug, a kiss, the holding of a hand) and their lack speaks volumes about what i would guess is some kind of resentment on her part.

Even though there are kids in this slo motion train wreck, I couldn't imagine staying in this for the long haul. If one or both of you are not interested in doing things to try and fix this, it would be best for you each to allow the other to move on and find someone better suited for each other.

Would it be tough on the kids? Of course but they'll get over it. Do you want them to grow up thinking that the relationship you have with your wife is what a marriage should be? I don't think so.

Believe me, I'm not an advocate of walking away at the drop of a hat (I've been married almost 27 years) and God knows my marriage isn't perfect but if I were faced with what you're facing in the early years of my marriage, I'm doubtful I would still be married to my wife.

That said, you two should first decide if you want to be married to each other. If your answers are yes, then BOTH of you need to work at making it better.

If your wife thinks nothing is wrong, you may have your answer.

Good luck!


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Seriously though, has your wife been checked for post partum depression?
> 
> Have the two of you discussed this lack of intimacy at all? I am more concerned about the lack of affection. These acts take almost zero time (a hug, a kiss, the holding of a hand) and their lack speaks volumes about what i would guess is some kind of resentment on her part.


Yes... I started talking with her about this 2 years ago... mainly the lack-of-sex aspect. I've brought it up many times. At one point gave her an ultimatum that I'd leave if things didn't change. She got more affectionate for about a week then things went back to how they were. I'm still there, obviously. I don't think I can leave my kids. As bad as the marriage is, I can't leave my kids.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Good_Dad said:


> Yes... I started talking with her about this 2 years ago... mainly the lack-of-sex aspect. I've brought it up many times. At one point gave her an ultimatum that I'd leave if things didn't change. She got more affectionate for about a week then things went back to how they were. I'm still there, obviously. I don't think I can leave my kids. As bad as the marriage is, I can't leave my kids.


Tell her you need to go to marriage counseling. You both need to make time for it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It may be hard to believe but she has no idea what it takes to run a bisiness if she has never attempted it. 

Can you share some more details about your wife? Her education work history etc. what other things do you have in common besides family and kids? Has she had a privileged up bringing? Is she a 

If she had a career, she can go back to it if staying at home is such a big problem. It is not so unusual. I find it impossible to be a full time SAHP. I don't blame my husband for that, I just never attempted it. It I did try and could not hack it, i would work with my best buddy, my husband, and come up with a better arrangement. Making his life miserable would not be on my radar. Why should it be? 

You are not at fault for her unhappiness with a husband who provides her with a comfortable home and two lovely kids. It is no ones fault that she finds that she does not care for the setup. She is at fault for the maladaptive way she has chosen to express her unhappiness. 

Perhaps you can remind her that there are betters ways of handling this. Trashing her marriage and the stabilty and happiness of 3 other people seems foolish when a simple return to full or part- time work would do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> It may be hard to believe but she has no idea what it takes to run a bisiness if she has never attempted it.
> 
> Can you share some more details about your wife? Her education work history etc. what other things do you have in common besides family and kids? Has she had a privileged up bringing? Is she a
> 
> ...


We met in school. We were both pursuing doctorates. Her work history is in biotech but hasn't done that in a while. She is Chinese and I am US born so we have very different upbringings... neither of ours was privileged by any means. 

I have asked her many times if she wants to go back to work, even part time. She refuses and gets angry if I push on it so I stopped asking. We can't afford a nanny so there isn't really a way for me to give her a day or two off... other than weekends.

You know... I think probably I have gone above and beyond what many husbands would have. She is not happy for some reason that I may have no control over. I know I'm not perfect and I'm sure I play a role in this. But, overall, I think I've been very patient and supportive and have tried very hard to make this work. Not convinced there is any easy solution to this mess. It's unfortunate.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Yalls culture is very different from what I know of my husbands ex wife asian culture focus on kids mostly after birth, you become more of a roommate and you are supposed to provide at least that's what I have seen. My husbands ex started getting lazy with the household duties and stuff.the kids are the biggest priority sex and everything else just falls short and that was out of her mouth to me when she told me about how they think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Well then there are a number of things you can try if you goal is to re-establish a happy family. 

You are aware of what is making you unhappy but you have no idea what is creating her unhappiness. She may or may not know. You seem to be placed in a position of the magician who can guess her problems and solve them. I wonder if you think that as well? Men frequently do. Unfortunately, you will not be able to do anything to make her happy. You can make yourself the very best partner possible and invite her to do the same but ultimately, it is up to her to make adjustments to increase her happiness. 

If I were in your position, I would reflect on what I need at a minimum to be happy and how to can get there. Include what she needs to do as well. Get some help from mature friends and family as to how to frame the discussion with her. Approach with a plan and how to execute. If she is resistant, do what you can alone and invite her to join you. 

Make it clear in a loving way that you cannot solve all of her problems. Also let her know how serious the problems are affecting you and jeopardizing your marriage. If she looks at her life as something that she might lose perhaps she will make an effort. 

One last thing- a concerted effort has a chance of working if your wife is emotionally healthy. If she has a personality disorder or illness then this approach has little chance of success. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

sculley said:


> I am not trying to bash anyone so I hope no one takes offense to this I just think that we are attacking and assuming this woman does nothing.


I don't believe this woman does nothing. I have been on both sides of the issue. There was a period where I had a F/T but took a few weeks off when we did not have daycare for the kids. Observations:

For me, working was much more difficult than being a SAHD. I will admit that I had a very well paying but very demanding job - a small team with strict daily deadlines (I mean like early afternoon, not just get it done before I go home).

By contrast, at home the only must is keeping kids content, safe, and well fed. If the laundry or vacuuming does not get done there is tomorrow. Nonetheless, every day had home cooking, cleaning done (not spotless, but the house was junky so I had to make headway against the existing mess), lots of one-on-one time with the kids. Never sat back and took time for myself, but that's the way it goes. 

Being at home is infinitely more rewarding. You get to stay at home and experience your kid's daily lives - enough said.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Good_Dad said:


> We met in school. We were both pursuing doctorates. Her work history is in biotech but hasn't done that in a while. She is Chinese and I am US born so we have very different upbringings... neither of ours was privileged by any means.
> 
> I have asked her many times if she wants to go back to work, even part time. She refuses and gets angry if I push on it so I stopped asking. We can't afford a nanny so there isn't really a way for me to give her a day or two off... other than weekends.
> 
> You know... I think probably I have gone above and beyond what many husbands would have. She is not happy for some reason that I may have no control over. I know I'm not perfect and I'm sure I play a role in this. But, overall, I think I've been very patient and supportive and have tried very hard to make this work. Not convinced there is any easy solution to this mess. It's unfortunate.


Well, it sounds like your wife is not interested in being part of the solution. She does not want to work, but is pissed off about staying at home and working so hard. I honestly would tell her that you are offering reasonable options but if she has no desire to work towards a solution then she needs to stop complaining.

The only thing that comes to mind is that your wife might resent your living conditions. You mentioned here that you cannot afford domestic help. Earlier you mentioned you wanted the windows closed in your apartment when the kid was crying.

Maybe your wife resents your apparent lack of economic success? My ex pulled the line about our apartment not being good enough, to needing a house, to needing a spacious home (could only afford a fixer), to the home never being nice enough, etc.

Those of us paying the bills know that having a SAHM is in itself a significant accomplishment, because living is so expensive now. But a SAHM can get disconnected from what stuff costs and how quickly even a really good salary is used up. Around here, $75k per year would not get you into even an average house, and I live an hour's commute from the major job centers.

You do need to sit down and talk to her. Ask her directly why she is so unhappy when she has the option to either stay at home or get a job. Ask if money is the problem. Be sympathetic, but note that you work just as hard as she does and are not inclined to listen to complaints when she has choices. Also, I would note that another screaming incident like that is an absolute deal-breaker (she can put the pieces together and figure out that, in that case, she will HAVE to work).


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

We all teach other people how to treat us. We teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable. 

Having a second child with her when sex had gone to almost zero communicated: I am fine locking in for ANOTHER 18 YEARS with you despite the fact that you are demanding virtual celibacy from me. 

Read married man sex life. Read no more mister nice guy. And I have a few posts that address how to shape a partners behavior. 





Good_Dad said:


> I'll keep it short but could use some advice, tips or just words of encouragement. Thanks.
> 
> Been married 4 years. Two little boys that I love more than life. My wife stays home with the kids. I have been building my own business for the past two years.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is completely true and completely fair. 

If you don't perform well, all 4 of you end up in a bad place. If she has a few slow days - there is not visible impact. 

The kids nap and play with other kids - she DOES get breaks. The one exception to this is a special needs child. 






Good_Dad said:


> OP here:
> 
> My original post was not meant to bash her. I know she works hard. My park and pool comments basically to say this... yes, she has a difficult job taking care of two kids but she gets to go outside, enjoy the sun, enjoy the park and pool, spend time with friends. It's a nice perk.
> 
> ...


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

From another perspective...try this....


When you come home, in the midst of all the chaos...turn to your wife and say...

"Honey...lthanks for looking after the kids so well. I know it's stressful for you, and I appreciate how much you do for this family. And how much this helps us all out while I'm still growing my business"

Then, kiss her and walk away.

See if her demeanor changes that evening. If so, she may have a need for appreciation also. Sometimes we just forget to appreciate each other in life.

Yes, your business is probably more stressful than her day, but unless your in it, you don't really know or appreciate how hard it is. That's why she's relating all her stress from her experience. But to her, it is stressful. Just not AS stressful as your work. But she really has no comparison from experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> From another perspective...try this....
> 
> 
> When you come home, in the midst of all the chaos...turn to your wife and say...
> ...


Perhaps, but I would not do this until her behavior is civil and she treats you with a basic minimum of respect. Remember that part of the problem is she thinks disrespecting you is acceptable.

Additionally, you may want to consider scaling back at work some if you can, being at home more, and pressuring her to get a job. You will be with your child more (which is good for both of you, and good insurance in case of divorce) and your wife can experience how hard it is to have to survive in the workplace. See if that does not tighten her behavior up.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Dto

You are correct. But I probably need to clarify a bit....

I was going for the soft sell. To walk into the situation without anger and resentment to try to pinpoint the root issue. To me, that would be better than going straight in to butting heads again. This way, he can determine if his wife has some issues that can easily be handled with minor behavior changes, or if she is just disrespectful out of entitlement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

OP you stated that you brought up the lack of intimacy and that you would leave if it didn't change. Are you trying to instigate this by being romantic or anything. I am just wondering because honestly having a healthy sex life takes two partners involved...Not just one always having to start it that is the quickest way toward resentment in a marriage just saying because I have been there.

Also have you talked to her yet about all of this, have you guys communicated your needs or wants.... This to me would be key and the first step. Trying to understand each other and why things are so tense. I know at times I get a little bit nippy and am not aware i'm doing it...in the beginning it used to cause all sorts of fights with my DH...now he has learned when he thinks I am being that way to ask me if i'm ok...usually its just me flustered over something that's not related to him and him allowing me to vent helps and I respect him so much for working on that piece of our marriage with me.. same with him if I feel he is flustered I will blow a raspberry on his neck or something to lighten the mood...

The difference of cultures is what I think can kill ya'll I have seen so many of my sailors marry foreign and the same problem happens in every marriage...It's more of a business partnership it seems. I am not saying that is what yours is just sharing third party experiences.. Maybe the problem isn't with her having to stay at home with the kids(given your testimony on her reluctancy to get a part time job, most asian cultures the women stays home and the man provides financially) maybe its a problem with ya'll and she is resentful. 
I'm still standing with my original advice. You really need to sit down and talk to her about everything and what's bothering her I can guarentee you it's not the kids (too often people obsessed assuming what a problem is with someone)


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Raising small children is exhausting. Some women handle it better then others. The same goes for parenting skills, some are better at it then others.

I love children, but those younger years were tough. Especially when you have kids that are whiny and cranky a lot of the time. My children were pretty demanding.

It does get much easier as they age. I have an 18 year old who is very independent and moved out of the house already. My other two are 9 and 11. Now that my kids are older and less demanding, I can focus my attention more on my husband. We now have one one one time together just about every single night for at least an hour. We didn't have that before.

My husband works very hard too. In fact- for 7 years, he worked 3 jobs to pay the bills. His choice of course. His 2 part time jobs paid well for being part time and really helped. My husband recently got a nice promotion and was able to quit these 2 part time jobs. However, he still is just as busy if not busier working longer hours in the office. I'm looking forward to his schedule returning back to normal after he hires one more person in his department. 

I love being a SAHM. I was never really planning on returning to work, which was discussed when my husband asked me to quit my job. Now I can't due to a neck injury and becoming disabled. Since I broke my neck, it slowed my life down almost to a halt. I use to run 36 miles a week to walking a few hundred feet. At least I can walk. My husband stepped up his support to me and it wasn't until then how selfish I felt for not realizing how much effort he puts into our marriage. Plus, I realized he always has put my needs before his own. We always have had a strong marriage, but it's now even stronger on a deeper level then before. When the kids were young, he'd take over at night, so I could exercise or go in another room if I needed a break. I don't need a break from them once they grew out of the toddler stage. 

It's amazing, not once have I ever heard a complaint from my husband. He looks at life in such a positive way that it really changed me into doing the same. I try and work as hard as possible around the home. Of course I'll have my unbearable pain days and spend those days in bed. I've now found a hobby that has sparked a new interest in me last year. It keeps me up and moving everyday on top of the housework and cooking. My husband has always been that really nice guy, but it's what works for us. I count my blessings daily and show gratitude towards my husband.

If your wife is showing you disrespect, I agree with telling her in a loving way to stop. I also agree with letting her know how much you appreciate her ways of cooking, child rearing, and keeping up the house.

Once I started complimenting my husband and writing him letters/notes/ emails thanking him for what he does for us, he in return does the same. It really strengthened our marriage. We now even started flirting and fun teasing each other more. Good luck. Just remember that it is exhausting those first few years. After our youngest started school is when it got easier for us.


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## Good_Dad (Jun 27, 2012)

OP Here:

Again, thanks for all the feedback. So many good suggestions. I am very grateful to all of you. I'll try to address your questions with brevity.

Communication... yes, I have communicated my concerns many times to her. Small, temporary changes on her part. 

Appreciation... yes I try my best. I gave her some gifts on mothers day, gave her the day off (by the way she has never done anything for me on any father's day. ). Couple weeks ago I bought her a couple dozen fresh oysters from the farmers market... which she loves. Never said thank you. Few times a week I take over a lot of the chores to give her a break. It all pretty much goes unappreciated.

work and money... yes, I work a ton. I know that and right now the money isn't great. But in my career there is a great potential to be very financially successful. In-fact, last month was a huge month for me and a sign that I am going to be very successful. It just takes time and a lot of work. And in time (5-10 years or so) I will be able to work 3 or even just 2.5 days a week. So... lots of work up front pays off. She should recognize this and I would hope she would support me in that effort as it benefits all of us in the long run. Instead, I feel like I am climbing Mt. Everest at work and going home and someone giving me their backpack to carry up the mountain... rather than someone helping me take the load off. 

First few years... I know the first years are rough. I understand that. And to be honest that's probably why I'm really hanging in. I am optimistic things will get better as the kids get older, go to school, etc. I know I could make more of an effort to express appreciation for her when I get home at night... but it takes an extraordinary effort. But I will make that effort. Thanks for the advice. 

Culture... yah... big difference in cultures. And that has definitely played a role in our relationship... a lot of it good, though certainly some instances of tension because of our differences. 

Thank you everyone.


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