# Use/meaning of ;-) (wink)



## expressjones

My wife often uses texts for work, so texting a co-worker is not a big deal. I recently saw a text where her male manager said the presentation went well and her response was: You always do a good job ;-)

Should I be concerned? Or is this just a common occurrence in the new era of communication? Do you "wink" with men not your SO and not mean anything by it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

A wink is a wink is a wink unless an affair is happening.

Better question: why did you go through her text messages? Is it something you do often?


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## frustr8dhubby

I can't speak for others but I use wink a lot for sarcasm.


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## expressjones

I do not go through her phone. The phone was on the coffee table next to the couch and I needed to text our daughter. That is when I noticed it. I read the whole thing and there was nothing of concern until that line. I am more than willing to concede over-reaction, but just wanted to hear from some women regarding their thoughts and communication styles.


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## CoffeeTime

I've used winks many times and have NO sexual or emotional interest when using it in text.


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## COGypsy

Yeah, with that statement, for the one way it could be flirty, I can think of at least 10 ways and/or people that it would be funny, sarcastic, just kidding, with.


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## expressjones

I understand the use in a just kidding/sarcastic way. I am obviously emotionally vested, but based on the context, I don't see the sarcasm or comedy.


Would woman view it any differently if it were from a husband to a female co-worker?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment

I use "winks" just to denote a light-hearted or friendly tone of voice, since you can't really tell how written words may be construed.

Wikipedia has a list of emoticons, and the wink can mean depending on the context, sexual attraction or simply just shared hidden knowledge (like my intent when I use them here on an anonymous forum with strangers). 

List of emoticons - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Do you have reason to suspect your wife of something with her co-worker since you are going through her texts?


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## COGypsy

In an otherwise normal conversation? Nope.

It's texting. You have an extremely limited number of ways to add "tone" to what you're saying. Offhand, (unless you're in middle school), I'd guess that most people use , :-D, :-( and ;-) to "color" their texts, right? So four symbols that express happy, sad, laughing, just kidding, and all the layers of those things that normally gets communicated through tone of voice, laughter, facial expression...

Attaching sexual meaning to an emoticon wink is like attaching sexual implication to an exclamation mark or an ellipsis. It's the words around it that mean something.

However, I do think that if you're emotionally invested in text messages and virtual winks...you've probably got bigger issues than emoticons. That's some pretty trivial stuff to fixate on when the conversation is normal.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Jellybeans said:


> Better question: why did you go through her text messages? Is it something you do often?


hmmm, better question...
what happened to openness, not hiding stuff and stuff like that?



> You always do a good job ;-)


sounds a little too flirty to me. i might sit back and see if there are any other clues of something going on.
wouldnt be the first time a boss and worker have had a fling.


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## expressjones

Thanks everyone for the responses. 

In an earlier post I said I used her phone to text because of convenience and found the text. I was not snooping. 

When I stated I was emotionally vested, I meant because it was my situation i was not able to be unbiased in my analysis, which is why I asked the question in the first place.

So if I understand the responses correctly, no one would give it a second thought if it were their husbands text to a female co-worker? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

expressjones said:


> So if I understand the responses correctly, no one would give it a second thought if it were their husbands text to a female co-worker?


im kinda hoping for some HONEST answers from women on this one myself, cause for some reason, i dont think so.


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## COGypsy

Freaking out over a virtual wink and one line out of an entire "normal" conversation? Nope. Not my style to go histrionic cherry-picking over a conversation. That's just spoiling for a fight, in my opinion.

But then again, I just scrolled through my bb and of the probably 75 texts I've sent today--probably a third have winks. So clearly I'm a bit too flirty with my mother, my sister and most of the people who've yet to RSVP to my dinner party, is that correct?

Again, I think where things fall apart is where you can't actually ask her, either directly or in some cheesy kidding kind of way, what she meant by the text. That would be a much better indicator of what's going on than the suspicions of a bunch of randoms with their own POV and baggage from the interwebz. I mean myself, I can't imagine anyone touching my phone and reading my texts.....any more than I can imagine going through anyone else's. And likewise, I'm thinking of a couple of people at work that I've probably sent texts just like that to that frankly, even if I were inclined to cheat...I wouldn't do them with somebody else's parts! 

We had a guy that for the whole first year he was here was convinced that whatever he did, one way or another it was going to go wrong, get him fired and deported. After a couple of months it was just a running joke. He got a lot of eye-rolling, sarcastic comments about "oh yeah, good job" because he was a rock star that totally thought he was a loser. He was great, I liked him, but was my sarcasm indicative of a madcap love affair behind our respective spouses backs? OH NO! Not by any means. Really. Any means. Ever. The species would die out if it were left to us. But I did "wink" at him when I'd text....

The only way you'll really know is by knowing your wife and what's common for her and how she communicates. Or asking her what's going on. Everything else is stirring things up for no good reason.


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## expressjones

Again, I appreciate everyone's point of view.

A couple of points:

1) I am not freaking out or going into histrionics. If I said now I hired a PI, read all of her texts, got a keylogger, voice activated recorder or spy software as is sometimes suggested on this site because of that text, then I think you could make that assumption.

It was also not my intention to convey that I thought there was a "mad cap love affair going on." But a casual reading of this site would indicate most business affairs start with small comments and flirtations before growing to something bigger, which is why I was searching for opinions on whether or not it is common communication method.

2) Winks to family members, female best friends, etc. totally discounts the context and receiver of the message. If the text said: That's surprising, your presentations are generally pretty bad ;-) I would not have given it a second thought, I see the sarcasm. 

How many of your texts are to men, where the context of the wink is not obvious? for example: 

a) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on the best party of the year  - I get that message

b) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on my warm cherry pie  - I think would be inappropriate.

Another thought, could it be an age thing? Would the message be viewed differently coming from a 26 year-old woman vs. a 47 year-old woman?


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## 2xloser

I'll second the opinion that it's all about the context of what's said around the wink before and/or after -- and to whom it was sent -- rather than the wink itself. 

In your case I'd be more concerned about what was meant by the entire line of text, with the wink, than the wink itself.

(and PS I see nothing wrong with browsing SO texts every now & then, whether there are any red flags or alarms or not. Amazing to read & learn what's been discovered innocently. In a marriage I've come to beloieve there's no such thing as 'snooping'.)


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## Therealbrighteyes

WTH? You ask about lie detector tests, being jealous of her previous boyfriends, wanting to know about her previous experiences, comment on jailbreaking I-phones and now this?
Either you are a control freak or has she given you cause for concern?


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## COGypsy

Therealbrighteyes said:


> WTH? You ask about lie detector tests, being jealous of her previous boyfriends, wanting to know about her previous experiences, comment on jailbreaking I-phones and now this?
> Either you are a control freak or has she given you cause for concern?


Nice catch, Brighteyes! An excellent point!


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## BigToe

expressjones said:


> My wife often uses texts for work, so texting a co-worker is not a big deal. I recently saw a text where her male manager said the presentation went well and her response was: You always do a good job ;-)


Sounds to me like he is managing more than just work.


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## COGypsy

expressjones said:


> Again, I appreciate everyone's point of view.
> 
> A couple of points:
> 
> 1) I am not freaking out or going into histrionics. If I said now I hired a PI, read all of her texts, got a keylogger, voice activated recorder or spy software as is sometimes suggested on this site because of that text, then I think you could make that assumption.
> 
> It was also not my intention to convey that I thought there was a "mad cap love affair going on." But a casual reading of this site would indicate most business affairs start with small comments and flirtations before growing to something bigger, which is why I was searching for opinions on whether or not it is common communication method.
> 
> 2) Winks to family members, female best friends, etc. totally discounts the context and receiver of the message. If the text said: That's surprising, your presentations are generally pretty bad ;-) I would not have given it a second thought, I see the sarcasm.
> 
> How many of your texts are to men, where the context of the wink is not obvious? for example:
> 
> a) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on the best party of the year  - I get that message
> 
> b) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on my warm cherry pie  - I think would be inappropriate.
> 
> Another thought, could it be an age thing? Would the message be viewed differently coming from a 26 year-old woman vs. a 47 year-old woman?


Well, I would say the great majority of my texts are to men, all the girls I know are all wrapped up having and taking care of babies and don't do much of anything any more, so I've gravitated back towards a lot of my guy friends to hang out with day to day. Most of them I've known for twenty years or more, so I'm not sure how an outside source would view some of our exchanges. Bawdy and ribald yes...but rarely toward each other.

I split the difference almost exactly for your age question, but I probably exchange 100+ texts a day with different people most days. With people so spread out any more, it's just the easiest way to keep in touch and to touch base with busy schedules.

But that being said, the only one who got a text about my pie was one of the old gang who did actually nearly break a tooth on a pie I made years ago. And I didn't tell him that he and his wife would miss out on my warm pie....I threatened to bake him one if I didn't hear back soon! ;-)

Seriously, what is so hard about talking to your actual wife about all these issues you've got going?


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## Jellybeans

I generally don't wink at someone via text unless I am saying something sarcastic or being funny and/or maybe flirting. 

In the end, you have a problem that she winked her co-worker. So you need to talk to her about it.


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## WhiteRabbit

expressjones said:


> My wife often uses texts for work, so texting a co-worker is not a big deal. I recently saw a text where her male manager said the presentation went well and her response was: You always do a good job ;-)
> 
> Should I be concerned? Or is this just a common occurrence in the new era of communication? Do you "wink" with men not your SO and not mean anything by it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A more professional and appropriate response would have been "Good Job, I expect nothing less from you." or "Good Job!" no other comments or smilies necessary.

I'll never understand why people suddenly got so unprofessional in the workplace. It's ridiculous. Why is a manager TEXTING her in the first place? If he wants to tell her good job, maybe jot it down in her personnel file to bring up when it's time to review her for a raise? maybe approach her at her desk and tell her she did a nice job?


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## JulioH

Hi,
I'm new to these forum.I'm Julio.I joined as I wanted advice about something.

I saw a conversation on twitter that used unusual terms followed by a wink .I want advice from someone who can handle things over PM as it's kinda private and odd please.All help is welcome 

Thanks.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER

expressjones said:


> Thanks everyone for the responses.
> 
> In an earlier post I said I used her phone to text because of convenience and found the text. I was not snooping.
> 
> When I stated I was emotionally vested, I meant because it was my situation i was not able to be unbiased in my analysis, which is why I asked the question in the first place.
> 
> So if I understand the responses correctly, no one would give it a second thought if it were their husbands text to a female co-worker?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ill speak for the women, yes I would be a little concerned if my husband sent a winkie to a female co-worker. Wink do have a sexual tone depending on how it is used


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## Enchanted

expressjones said:


> My wife often uses texts for work, so texting a co-worker is not a big deal. I recently saw a text where her male manager said the presentation went well and her response was: You always do a good job ;-)
> 
> Should I be concerned? Or is this just a common occurrence in the new era of communication? Do you "wink" with men not your SO and not mean anything by it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I use the wink all the time. It's not a big deal.


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## I Notice The Details

Enchanted said:


> I use the wink all the time. It's not a big deal.


I agree with Enchanted...it's not a big deal.

What is that old saying?.....making a mountain out of a molehill....


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## br625

Do you know your wife's manager? If he's good looking/sexy I'd think twice about it. If my husband texted any of his female employees I would not think anything of it, because they are either too old, heavy or just not a threat. However, if he started texting a pretty woman than works for him....and winks....I'd be concerned.


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## Shadow_Nirvana

Tbh, I wouldn't put anything past anybody.If I discovered something like that, I'd think infatuation, crush or an EA. (not saying there is no chance of a full blown PA)Sounds a bit paranoid, right? If you read the CWI forums, you see how many affairs are found out by stuff like this. And the fact that you are asking about this, means that you are concerned. 

That being said, you shouldn't do anything at this moment. Lay low and check for other signs. Don't even ask her about this text. If there is nothing going on, it will make you seem as petty and untrusting. If there is something going on, it will make her take things underground.

Just remember there is unfounded jealousy. And there is appropriate mate-guarding. If something of substance is making you concerned, it's appropriate mate-guarding to be on the lookout


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## EleGirl

Enchantment said:


> I use "winks" just to denote a light-hearted or friendly tone of voice, since you can't really tell how written words may be construed.


Same here. I do it at work as well. It would take much more than wink icon to indicate an affair or flirting.


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## GTdad

Is there an emoticon for "Zombie Thread"?


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## Anonymous07

I think this depends on the person. You know your wife better than anyone else here, so only you can know how she typically texts people. 

For me, I would only use the  in a flirty way and wouldn't use it on anyone other than my husband. If I am joking around/being sarcastic I use the  to get that point across, not a winky face. 

That's just my opinion.


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## tellyy1122

i hate to say this but ur wife is cheating on u with her co-worker no matter it was before or after the wink and i got the feeling this is not her first flirt encounter with her co-worker and i got the feeling this is not ur first time looking at her text messages and u knew about it when u post it to a bunch of strangers,so stop faking the funk and get over yourself and leave the marriage because shes not happy at all


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## spiritgrl53

I don't think it's professional or appropriate for co-workers to send winky eye emojis to each other. I only use them with family & friends.


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## spiritgrl53

I don't think it's professional or appropriate for co-workers to send winky eye emojis. I only use them with family & friends.


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## LaReine

Honestly to me it sounds like whoever was the recipient did nothing to help and she was pointing that out nicely



expressjones said:


> So if I understand the responses correctly, no one would give it a second thought if it were their husbands text to a female co-worker?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No issues here- mine often send winks and kisses to people. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## JayDee7

It's a little flirty. Why should a married woman or man wink to a coworker of the opposite sex? Maybe she doesn't get that to a man it's a little flirty and if you don't like it she shouldn't do it. Just like if she didn't like it if you sent winks to women you should stop.Talk to her.


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## cnikkoaloysious2

hey dont over react its nothing just a normal message 

Sent from my Q710 using Tapatalk


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## KaraBoo0723

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> im kinda hoping for some HONEST answers from women on this one myself, cause for some reason, i dont think so.




My H has text conversations with a few females -- his ex W (we share custody of his 11-year-old daughter), a high school girlfriend who remains a good friend, maybe a few other friends or acquaintances who happen to be female. I have read through everything at one time or another and am not concerned about any emoticons he uses, regardless of common definition -- he is friendly, kind and has a somewhat warped sense of humor. 

My starter H on the other hand was a serial cheater who (I didn't know until the end of the marriage) tried to nail any female with a pulse. I definitely would see an issue with any emoticons that could be potentially flirtatious. 

I feel it really depends on the spouse or partner -- past behavior, current behavior, overall respect and trust in the relationship.


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## KaraBoo0723

KaraBoo0723 said:


> My H has text conversations with a few females -- his ex W (we share custody of his 11-year-old daughter), a high school girlfriend who remains a good friend, maybe a few other friends or acquaintances who happen to be female. I have read through everything at one time or another and am not concerned about any emoticons he uses, regardless of common definition -- he is friendly, kind and has a somewhat warped sense of humor.
> 
> My starter H on the other hand was a serial cheater who (I didn't know until the end of the marriage) tried to nail any female with a pulse. I definitely would see an issue with any emoticons that could be potentially flirtatious.
> 
> I feel it really depends on the spouse or partner -- past behavior, current behavior, overall respect and trust in the relationship.




Sheesh, got sucked in to yet another Zombie Thread


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