# I sometimes feel like throwing in the towel over WS emotional affair!



## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

I know this sounds silly but I don't know if I want to try anymore. I feel like my husband just don't get it. I don't think he thinks he has done anything wrong by just talking over the phone with 2 other women.

About a month ago, I found out that my husband was talking to a female client. Everyday they talked on the phone on average 9-10/day. Most of the time the conversations lasted 15-20 minutes; sometimes the calls lasted over an hour!

Another women he met in a forum. They did not talk often but there was a phone call that started at 9:30pm and lasted over 4 hours. (He travels on business a lot.)

Last night, I asked my husband to check his e-mail because I noticed he recently changed his password. He got defensive and said that checking my e-mail is not going to build trust. I explained to him that me finding out about his emotional affair was just a month ago. And being that this all just happened and him changing his password, sent up a red flag that maybe he is still doing something behind my back. I need reassurance that he's not acting inappropriately. I want to trust my husband again.

I asked him why he changed it in the first place. He said it bothers him that I have his password. He could not tell me why. I told him when he changed his password, it is like he is telling me he is still hiding things that he knows is not right. He left to go jogging and he gave me his password to check his e-mail.

I checked his e-mail and there was nothing inappropriate. But now I am angry and wonder if this is the beginning of the end.

My husband came back from his jog and apologized. He also said that when I confronted him about all the phone calls he was making to other women, he promised he would do whatever it takes to gain my trust back. So he is sorry he overreacted about checking his e-mails. But again I don't think my husband gets it. It is about making a change in your way of thinking and being willing to sacrifice your own needs for the betterment of our marriage and family. I feel my husband is justifying his actions by saying that he only talked about politics and buying a new car. I am not stupid. It does not take calling 10 times a day, talking for 20 minutes to over an hour to discuss buying a new car. And there is not that much politics in the world to talk about for over 4 hours at 10 o'clock at night. (Sorry for venting.)

I don't think my husband "gets it". I think he feels bad that he hurt me, BUT, I don't think he thinks he has done anything wrong. I think he thinks that as long as there was no physical contact or sex then he did not have an affair. Because of this thinking, I am thinking that my husband will do this again. And that could lead to a sexual affair.

Right now I don't know if I want to try anymore. For what? So I can go down this road again? And the next time it may lead to a physical affair.

I also feel like my husband would throw me in front of a bus to save himself. I don't feel secure in our marriage. If someone asked me a year ago if I would be married to my husband 5 years from now, I would have said most definitely. Now, I am not so sure.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I understand your pain in the fact that your husband doesn't get it. I have hear the sob story so many times it started out innocent, then one thing lead to another....

I have seen it on these forums too.

It is sad that he doesn't realize just how often it happens or how it could make you feel.

I would hope that you have one last try in your relationship, counciling or a frank discussion about what I touched on above. Atleast you will know you have exhausted all options before you let him go.

draconis


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