# dont want to be a single mom :(



## Tiffann (Jul 8, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and have been together for almost 9 years. We have a 3 month old daughter and our marriage is at an all time low. He started his business about 6 years ago, and yes I supported him and still do, but he does travel about 2 weeks out of the month. I have been hearing for years that eventually he wont have to be gone so much, but yet that has not happend. Before the baby we got along really good, of course we had little arguments that every couple has, but for the most part everything was good. I know that when he is gone he really misses us, but I feel that he is always putting work first.

We got into a fight about a month ago regarding him not being able to come home when he was suppose to and he said if I am misserable I should think about getting out of the marriage. It really scared me that he had said that because he has never in 9 years made any kind of comment like that. We made up and were fine for a couple more weeks. Then a couple days ago another had a little fight and I thought we made up but when he got home he was so distant from me. We were sitting on the couch and he said that everyone is annoying him and that included me. He also said he is getting to not like people. I asked him if he meant me and he said no. Then we went to lunch and he said he is really stressed out and that he is scared he is going to say something to me he will regret and that maybe we should seperate for a month. He is really busy with work right now and by then thing should slow down and he wont be as stressed. He asked me what I thought and I said I felt like I was going to be sick and that I married him to work things out and really had nothing else to say. The next day we spoke and he just kept saying "I dont know" and that it was him and not me. He said even his mom is annoying him. 

I love him so much and dont want to be without him! He refusses to talk to anyone and says he is not depressed just stressed. I feel like im walking on thin ice and dont want to say anything that will make him upset, but I am stressed too! I work full time, take care of a baby and a house pretty much by myself. I dont know what to do but give him his space. Please help!


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

Tiffann said:


> We got into a fight about a month ago regarding him not being able to come home when he was suppose to and he said if I am miserable I should think about getting out of the marriage.


To a large extent i can identify with your husband. A few years back i ran into a similar situation where i would be working and my wife (SAHM) would complain that i was working "too much". Every time i had to work late or on the weekend, the complaints would multiply. I thought she would ease up if i bought her things, allowed her to go on shopping sprees or take regular vacations together but nothing seemed to work. It almost became routine. Finally i got so fed up (realized that i couldn't win with her) that i told her if she was so miserable being married to me she could leave. She went all nuts and denied every being unhappy and accused me of saying mean things to her.

In your case its like he is being squeezed for all sides - work, you and extended family and i think he has reached a tipping point. You have to realize that by complaining constantly you are contributing to the stress and there is only so much he can take. That's why he needs a break from you. Maybe he has just given up on trying to keep you happy. Maybe he feels guilty just going to work because he is starting to equate it with your unhappiness. I know i did. Would you prefer that he stayed at home? (i'll bet you don't). Its like you are asking him to choose between work and family which isn't a fair choice. I know you will say its not that he works but that he works too much. Well, some jobs require you to put in more time, if you want to be with him you just have to take it within your stride.

I know that constant travel can strain any marriage but maybe you can let him make up for it in some other way. If you really want to be with him just let him know that and tell him that you are OK with his work schedule. Have you tried MC?


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Sorry that you're both so stressed! Starting a business is a lot of work, especially in the beginning. But so is taking care of a baby and house by yourself. 

I agree with what BlueLaser says -- and I'd try MC if you haven't already. Good luck.


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