# Wife upset that I invited my friend over after our golfing trip



## WashingtonState (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

I'm new and would like some input. I recently return from a trip to Hawaii with my friend. We went golfing and snorkeling and hung out in general. It was a low cost trip because my parents still live there (my siblings and I all went to school there). My wife was invited first on this trip but declined due to having someone watch our kids (they are 9 and 13).

We talked and texted each other all the time. Even while I was gone, I called and texted her and she did the same to me. The kids called me and texted me.

She was upset because I returned late Sunday night, she worked all day on Monday, then I had my martial arts class (I go once a week), and on Tuesday morning I mentioned my friend was stopping by to exchange photos (on CD) and sign a “Thank You” around 4:30 pm. She gets home around 3:10 pm. Most likely he'd stay for a beer, and then head to his house with his family.

She was upset because he was going to come over and she told me I wasn't thinking of her feelings. It was oblivious I didn’t care about her or her feelings. I didn’t want to spend any time with her and didn’t care about her.

Mind you, I didn’t really think that she would be so upset about this. We spend a lot of time together. She gets three weeks off a year in vacation and I have a flexible job. I’m around a lot. I usually get the kids from school, I help out around the house, I volunteer with my son and daughter’s activities. We also take vacations together and plan vacations together. Everyone in a while, we even get a weekend to ourselves without children (yeah!!). She goes on girlfriend trips every year. A few nights to the wine country and few nights to Las Vegas or a few nights to the ocean coast, I’m not one to say don’t go, just make sure we can afford it.

She has been upset for three full days (today is day 3). Finally, she talked to me last night and said she felt “betrayed”. I didn’t fully understand this. I’m not having a gay affair with my friend (she didn’t accuse me of this but it felt like she wanted to?) She was hurt that I wanted him to come over after not being with her for a week. He was coming over to sign the “Thank You” card and swap photo cds. We’d see him the most for one hour.

Am I really an insensitive person? I have apologized numerous times over the past few days and have tried to talk to her. She says that I don’t really mean it. We have been marriage for 16 years and this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I just want to know if I am being insensitive to her feelings? Should I be looking to change my behavior? Or is she just unhappy and taking it out on me? I have been this way since we have been together (18 years).


----------



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I think she missed you and wanted some alone time with you but she should have articulated this to you.
Maybe it was a bit insensitive of you. But as your friend only stayed an hour i think she did over react a bit.

How about some nice flowers or a romantic night out to make up for it??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I'm reading that you went away for a fun trip in Hawaii while your wife stayed home, worked, and watched the kids.

She was probably really looking forward to having some time with you after you being away for a week, and was upset you did not prioritize her over your friend. IMO she doesn't so much care about the fact the guy is coming over... she's upset that you did not plan something with her after so much time apart. She is sending the message that she really missed you and is hearing by your plans with friends that you didn't miss her as much.

My two cents anyway.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes I think she probably missed you too and doesn't feel you've done 'enough' to reconnect since you been back.
Maybe she figures you didn't miss her (as much as she missed you).
Do you really believe she thinks your gay? Or could she be jealous of your 'Bromance'?
Some serious one-on-one time is needed i reckon... away from the house/kids so you can both talk... instead of guessing about the problem.


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

She has been pissed off for 3 days about your friend being there for an hour?

And you have apologized multiple times, and shes still pissed off?

Tell her to get over it. Drink a beer with your friend. Then, disconnect from her ridiculous behavior.


----------



## WashingtonState (Feb 2, 2012)

Actually, he didn't make it over because I pushed it back when she'd be gone to her racquetball class. She was still pissed off and then did "something" until 4:30pm. Then she left for her class at 6:30 pm. Dinner was silent.

I also sent a care package from Hawaii for her and the kids. I don't recall ever getting a care package when she is on her girlfriend trips.

Thanks everyone for your advice and input.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> She has been pissed off for 3 days about your friend being there for an hour?
> 
> And you have apologized multiple times, and shes still pissed off?
> 
> Tell her to get over it. Drink a beer with your friend. Then, disconnect from her ridiculous behavior.


:iagree:

Most definitely.


----------



## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Obviously she was not OK with you going on vacation while she stayed home with the kids and worked. People have a vacation glow when they get home and it can be annoying if you've been stuck working like a dog. Just because she takes vacations without you and you're a good father doesn't mean she's going to be rational about you doing the same. Is she normally a rational person or is she emotional about stuff?


----------

