# am I over reacting?



## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

BG: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...13-i-cant-live-like-anymore.html#post15331289

So back in April I found out he was on an app called skout talking to other girls again (he gets on there in hopes that someone will send him pics or want to meet up with him. so I had picked up his phone and seen the app was on his phone again (he had a reply from someone in his notifications. so I asked him about and he lied. He said that he didnt know how that app got on there, as he didn't download it, then he quickly uninstalled it. later he came up with stupid story about looking for another snapchat like app since he liked doing the filters with the kids, and he would say "we have been doing so good for a year, why would I do that to you again?" Of course I knew he was lying. then as I would talk about it more with him he would change his story again, He would say he did download it but this was the first day. Then I found out on the app he had chats going back to 8 weeks ago. then he finally said he was doing it on and off for the past few weeks but when I had see it he realized he was done and couldn't keep doing that to me again. Right then I told him that he better be telling me the truth because after 6 years of the same thing I would not stay with him if he did it again, told him that I had about packed my bags right then when I first saw it. Now he says he is done, will never do it again. 

Of course since I have no trust in him I kept checking, more to calm myself then anything else. Now here it is June, I haven't checked for about a month and thought he was being good. Well out of sheer dumb luck I had the website pop up in the address bar (typed in s to go to the sims site) so I was like, well I'm gonna look, sure enough I saw that he was on the app trying to talk to 3 girls 4 days ago. 

I am so mad. I am tired of doing everything for him and him just cheating on me in response. I really want to just tell him to get out tonight but don't know if I should push counseling again. (I have been telling him that I want to do counseling for some time now and he always says he doesn't need it) I don't want to be with him anymore if this is always gonna be my life. Me and my kids dont need this. 

Thoughts?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He doesn't need counseling, because he won't change. He sounds like a narcissist. They cheat, lie, create love triangles, lie some more, and keep their 'anchor' person (that would be you) twisting in the wind forever. The only way out of this mess, is to end the relationship. You have kids with him, so he'll never be totally out of your life, but you deserve better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dump him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why do you keep giving him chances????

When I found out my husband was chatting with women in hopes of meeting up with them, that was IT. He was GONE - there were absolutely NO second chances. Do you think he doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong???

Kick him the hell out.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> Why do you keep giving him chances????
> 
> When I found out my husband was chatting with women in hopes of meeting up with them, that was IT. He was GONE - there were absolutely NO second chances. Do you think he doesn't know that what he's doing is wrong???
> 
> Kick him the hell out.


I felt stuck. But now people know and have said that they will help me with whatever they can till I'm on my feet so I have been one foot out the door for 4 months now. time to end it. I am not happy anymore


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

MWPP731 said:


> I felt stuck.


I am convinced that the number one thing every person on earth needs to do is to NEVER be with someone because they HAVE to. ALWAYS be there by choice. The second you become dependent on another person for anything, that is when you lose yourself. You are no longer with them by choice.

Get yourself out of this situation and make yourself independent so that you never get into it again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

See this? It's his










Oh, my goodness! It's closed!

Looks like his last chance has gone.

Time to talk divorce. 

Maybe he can download an app for that?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

It'll happen again. 

Future excuses

Your kid installed it, his friend installed it as a joke, a ghost installed it, aliens came to earth and installed it in the middle of the night, etc...


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's a key point both spouses understate and underplay. When a male or female starts scouting for attention outside the marriage, the marriage is already in deep shyt and needs repairing if it ain't already too late. Make whatever excuse for the behavior, but those already doing/done a little window shopping knows I'm right.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

CH said:


> It'll happen again.
> 
> Future excuses
> 
> Your kid installed it, his friend installed it as a joke, a ghost installed it, aliens came to earth and installed it in the middle of the night, etc...


When we first got married I found emails to girls on craigslist, with his pictures, he told me "his friend was on there using his pictures" Even sat there laughing at all the email subject names. at the time I believed him. Of course I know better now. so got one sort of on that list.


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## Duiker (Jun 26, 2015)

Listen to your gut. 

I think you know what you need to do.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> See this? It's his
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Matt, you made me laugh, thanks for that!! :lol:


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

talking to him is scary. He can have a really bad temper (like throwing stuff and punching holes in walls). I know it needs done, so I am going to. I told him I wouldn't stay again, and I meant it. Should I have someone come help me talk to him or should I do it on my own? My brother and SIL live just down the street and told me they would talk with him if I needed them to or they would help me get him out (I'm renting off my brother so he has the right to make him leave)


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

tt...he tt....still a wayward. Unless he is spouting out the truth and ALL OF IT like old faithful, full list of transgressions in written form and confession, all emails even the secret ones, a lock on his apps...need i go on? This guy is not remorseful. he is sorry he got caught, he will just get smarter. Most criminals don't reform, they just become better criminals. Same goes with serial cheaters.

I would tell him i want a uncontested divorce and a fair agreement and if he wants to work things with you out after then try. I only say this because this is not your FIRST rodeo.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MWPP731 said:


> talking to him is scary. He can have a really bad temper (like throwing stuff and punching holes in walls). I know it needs done, so I am going to. I told him I wouldn't stay again, and I meant it. Should I have someone come help me talk to him or should I do it on my own? My brother and SIL live just down the street and told me they would talk with him if I needed them to or they would help me get him out (I'm renting off my brother so he has the right to make him leave)


Then you and your brother need to get this done sooner, not later. 

And witnesses may keep him calmer.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

MWPP731 said:


> talking to him is scary. He can have a really bad temper (like throwing stuff and punching holes in walls). I know it needs done, so I am going to. I told him I wouldn't stay again, and I meant it. Should I have someone come help me talk to him or should I do it on my own? My brother and SIL live just down the street and told me they would talk with him if I needed them to or they would help me get him out (I'm renting off my brother so he has the right to make him leave)


Check the eviction laws for your town/county - sometimes there is a notice period, which could complicate things. Please keep yourself safe and get out of this nightmare!

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

No, you're not overreacting.
He's cheating on you, disrespecting you, and has a bad temper. He punches holes in the wall??? That's not normal.

Honey, leave. NOW.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Counselling is not the answer. He needs to realise that you are done with his foul behavour and that it will no longer be tolerated.

Nothing speaks louder than turfing his bags out the door.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Update, please.


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## MWPP731 (Sep 7, 2014)

turnera said:


> Update, please.


Well, I left. that sunday after I found out I told him what I knew and how hurt I was. I sat there waiting for him to say something _anything_ but he kept trying to get me to sit with him and I knew better finally he got mad and left since "I wasn't finding him something to eat and he was hungry" once he left I changed the locks and went to my brothers house. I was there for the night and the whole time he was texting me telling me he was going to quit his job since I wasn't there to help him in the morning. The next day I made the mistake of going back. Had to listen to his mom tell me that "you have you raise your husband too." like she did hers. now here we are a month later, he hasn't changed like I knew he would (I know I shouldn't have even given him another chance, but he is a manipulator and I gave in) I just sent him a big long text about how I can't live like this and how this is not the life I want for my kids. I told him I don't feel like his wife, I feel like a slave. 

The other day he got mad at my ASD son for not letting husband change the channel and threw the remote across the room. I was so mad I was shaking. my chest started to hurt like a anxiety attack. he came in and asked what was wrong and told me to sit down (I was washing dishes) and when I told him no, I was fine now, he started yelling at me "Go sit the F down!" and punched the ceiling tile, then started knocking stuff off the counters and even started to throw my son's magnet chore board on the floor, all the while yelling the same thing over and over again. I kept telling him no. finally he walked in the other room, grabbed a hammer and slammed it on my craft sorter (wood). then He got mad since he was crying and I didn't go in there and comfort him. My kids were fighting, that's more important than his baby fit.

My stomach is in knots waiting to see what he will say back. or if it will even go through while he is at work. I just want be done with him, why am I not strong enough??


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That man needs to be in a mental facility. Why the hell haven't you moved out yet? Come on, you know this is 100% wrong.


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## albertamom3 (Oct 15, 2014)

Your are strong enough, you just need some distance away from him. I would leave right away before your kids have to see more outbursts. It sound like he escalating. I imagine with less contact you will likely have more clarity. It's hard to make the decision to end it, you already have to deal with your inner dialog you don't need his right now. I am worried for you, he sounds very aggressive.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go stay with someone else, and tell him he will have to earn you back. Likely he never will, and you'll all be where you want to be.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Only a matter of time before he directs that anger towards you.

There are so many reasons to leave and no good ones to stay.


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