# Fight or Flight?



## sczinger (Jun 7, 2018)

My wife has had, admittedly, a drinking problem most of her adult life. We've known each other for 3+ years and have been married for about a year and a half. 3-4 times a week she will stop on the way home from work and grab a couple small shot bottles. As the evening goes on she has a problem stopping until she is stumbling drunk. Fact is, she doesn't consume that much but it doesn't take much to affect her. I drink also, but moderately and I don't get mean and a belligerent, as she does. I just can't stand it when she gets like this. If I don't drink when she does it's almost intolerable. There have been several occasions when, in front of other people, she was this way and we would get into arguments. It's the only time we get confrontational is when she's been drinking. It's very frustrating for me. I love her dearly but it has gotten so bad that I've thought about leaving, as in LEAVING for good. Most recently, her pup of 16 years, passed away. We had a Vet come to the house and transition her dog. It was an experience where we both cried, grieved and consoled each other. Later that evening she was drowning her sorrows. I was not drinking. I talked to her about how drunk she was getting but she wanted me to go get more, which I didn't. An argument ensued and escalated to the point where she "drove" to her sisters. I realize now that I shouldn't try to have the drinking conversation with her when she is not sober. She hasn't spoken to me in two days. I know she is grieving the loss of her dog. I just don't know how to handle the situation when she gets that way. I'm getting tired...


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Man...sorry to hear that. My bro went through the same thing, but his wife was also on drugs so that allowed her to drink all night and still be ok enough to be loud, obnoxious and rude. He told me the same thing you said, he had to drink just to tolerate it, but he also had to work early in the morning; those two didn't go together well. He would have to go to our parents just so he can get a good night sleep. Long story short, he stayed at our parents more often and would dread going back to his wife. Finally after many years of realizing she won't change, he left her. He's a lot happier now and has another stable family.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's very concerning that she is driving while drunk as well!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

holy ****.
a bad drunk....not fixable.
she has to stop drinking, or you have to leave. its her chemical personality, she simply can not handle any alcohol. her ease of getting drunk is a clear tell of that.

i hope to god you do not have kids, and you are very careful to not get her pregnant. odds are you are not going to have a long marriage.

and her nature of severe personality change, and hating you for minor issues, opens up the cheater's handbook too


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How old is she?


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

I think there is more to this, its a behavioral issue. That she knows this happens and still is not able to stop, could be because of past trauma, or something else entirely. If she really wants to improve she may have to go to AA meetings or maybe even Rehab. But that won't matter if she doesn't even "see" the problem.


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## sczinger (Jun 7, 2018)

Openminded said:


> How old is she?


She is 53.


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## sczinger (Jun 7, 2018)

I am 61, a young 61! My second marriage (1x cheated on me so I left). Yes, her childhood was very abusive. Her first marriage and never had children. She was engaged 5+ years ago but he cheated on her 1 month before the wedding. She went through AA and quit for 7 years. All of her friends that have known her for decades have told me she is the most loyal person I will ever meet.


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## sczinger (Jun 7, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> It's very concerning that she is driving while drunk as well!


IKR!


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

sczinger said:


> I am 61, a young 61! My second marriage (1x cheated on me so I left). Yes, her childhood was very abusive. Her first marriage and never had children. She was engaged 5+ years ago but he cheated on her 1 month before the wedding. She went through AA and quit for 7 years. All of her friends that have known her for decades have told me she is the most loyal person I will ever meet.


She needs therapy, drinking is the symptom, you need to tackle the underlying problem.


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