# Need to know how to start



## feelingstuck (Sep 6, 2010)

I've been working toward trying to seperate from my husband but I'm at a loss on how to start the actual conversation. We're both miserable and spend no time together. He's been sleeping on the sofa for close to 5 years. The only real asset we have that I have to worry about is our home which is of course mortgaged to the max and going to be very difficult to sell in this economy. I can handle the mortgage payment while we have it on the market if I can just convince him that he needs to move out. I just don't know how to do it because I still feel like I'll be blindsiding him and don't want to hurt him even though he's been verbally abusive to not just me but my kids as well.
So how do you tell someone it's time to part ways?


----------



## smetana (Sep 3, 2010)

I am having a very similar struggle. My problem is my spouse avoids me (engrossed in video games, claims to be sick, sneaks of to bed at 8pm). Anyhow... in regards to your situation, the verbally abusive part concerns me. How long has that been going on for? How old are your kids? Does your husband have any idea you're unhappy enough to suggest separation? What about involving a counselor?


----------



## feelingstuck (Sep 6, 2010)

The verbal abuse has been going on for years and seems to be worse at different times. It wasn't as bad over the summer while his daughter was home from college since he never lets his kids see how he behaves. My kids are all high school age, his are grown. I tried to get him to do counseling two years ago but he wouldn't go. I'm at the point now that I have no interest left in the marriage. I don't see myself living this way for the rest of my life. He has said he's miserable but since I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself I doubt he's aware of exactly how unhappy I am. I'm sure he feels as stuck as I do because of the house and our finances, although I think we could work things out to seperate and he is the type who always sees things at their worst.


----------

