# The 180... How far do you take it?



## 2arebetter

I'm trying my best to stick to the 180. If wife as for help with something do I help? She wants help with iTunes.

It feels stupid asking, but I don't know what the line of between mean or disrespectful and kind but detached is.


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## itsontherocks

Seriously? NO. Hope I was clear.


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## EleGirl

Why are you doing the 180?

Is your wife in an ongoing affair?


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## 2arebetter

Not ongoing, but she's considered our marriage over without putting any effort into fixing what went wrong. Asked for divorce about a week ago. We have kids, so we're not going to rush anything. Still living together and taking care of our kids together. Nothing else really though.

Sorry if this seems short on detail. I'm on my phone. Kids are getting in our nerves tonight and we're all a little on edge... we have to put our dog down tomorrow. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=412474


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## chillymorn69

So she did cheat?

Tell to figure it out her F-ing self!

The go pound the weights or go for a run!

Come home and drink a protein shake. And play with the kids without talking to her unless you absolutely have too. 

Start seperating your finances. Go see a laywer, save up some money. All while being overly happy around her like none of this is bothering you in the least. Fake it till you make it!

Head up high eyes wide open!


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## 2arebetter

chillymorn69 said:


> So she did cheat?


Yes.


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## chillymorn69

2arebetter said:


> Yes.


F her.

Listen to the rest of my post. Start getting in shape giving her the happy cold shoulder.

Act like your happy to move on!


Good luck!


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## MJJEAN

She cheated. She told you she wants a divorce. That means you don't do a damn thing for her. She can ask her boyfriend or figure it out for herself. She isn't your problem anymore. Seriously. You talk to her about the kids and finances and that's all. If she needs help with her electronics or wants you to grab her favorite cookies on the way home or whatever else you tell her politely no and walk away.


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## jlcrome

Do this it will work AGREE!!! Agree the marriage is toast, act fine with divorce, take it a step further and act like you want the divorce more than her. This will put leaverage in your favor but just remember this is a bluff. You may have to provoke a conversation to do this. After that just sit on it do no more and let time pass on. 

180 is stupid


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## GusPolinski

2arebetter said:


> I'm trying my best to stick to the 180. If wife as for help with something do I help? She wants help with iTunes.
> 
> It feels stupid asking, but I don't know what the line of between mean or disrespectful and kind but detached is.


No.


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## Red Sonja

2arebetter said:


> I'm trying my best to stick to the 180. If wife as for help with something do I help? She wants help with iTunes.


No, no help for _her_, only for your children if you have them. She "fired you" as a partner so she has no right to expect and you have no obligation to provide any "help". She's on her own.


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## 2arebetter

I told her she needs to figure out the computer on her own. After a while (after the kids had left with grandparents) she asked why I can't help. I told her I'm moving on and that we need to start doing things on our own. She told me she gets wanting to move on, but if that's the case I need to figure out finances on my own too. She was pretty emotional about it... I wasn't (which is kind of a reversal). I said that wasn't really the same thing, but she adamantly disagreed. After stewing on it for a while I think it might be fair game though. I'm into technology and I have a non-standard computer setup at home, so I get some of the difficulty. I haven't touched much of our finances (other than some of my own Dr or cell bills) in years. If we're going through the motions of parting ways I should really be taking care of my own s***. The hard thing for me to understand right now is that we're still raising kids together, trying to have dinner together, doing laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping, putting the kids to bed... All of that stuff can't really be separated well when we're living together and haven't told our kids yet. We're trying to get through some big things in the next few weeks before we actually tell the kids and make some moves towards actual separation. 

I know that deep down I hope the 180 rule helps my wife turn her attitude about me. That would be the best outcome in my mind. It seems like most people don't sympathize with that on TAM, which I'm fine with. I also realize that it probably won't happen. So, I'm preparing myself for a split. I'm trying to make this amicable for my kids sake. 

I would like to understand better where we're at with our bills. She wants to know how to use the computer setup we have. Is it fair to make a trade? Agree that we'll go through each thing once and then we'll be on our own?


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## 2arebetter

Sorry if this seems like I'm just not getting it. I'm struggling with this move at times. Today's been bad. 

We just put our dog down. She was a 10 year old Great Dane. Total sweetheart. It was just the wife and I when the vet came to our house. We both struggled with it quite a bit as it was happening. There was no support given between us. Now she's out with the kids and her mom and step-dad. I don't really feel good about going into that situation so I stayed home.


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## FalCod

I absolutely adore my wife and would do almost anything for her, but the only help I'd give her with iTunes would be to help her uninstall it. Worst POS software I've used. Drove me to replace everyone's iPhones with Androids.


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## GusPolinski

2arebetter said:


> I told her she needs to figure out the computer on her own. After a while (after the kids had left with grandparents) she asked why I can't help. I told her I'm moving on and that we need to start doing things on our own. She told me she gets wanting to move on, but if that's the case I need to figure out finances on my own too. She was pretty emotional about it... I wasn't (which is kind of a reversal). I said that wasn't really the same thing, but she adamantly disagreed. After stewing on it for a while I think it might be fair game though. I'm into technology and I have a non-standard computer setup at home, so I get some of the difficulty. I haven't touched much of our finances (other than some of my own Dr or cell bills) in years. If we're going through the motions of parting ways I should really be taking care of my own s***. The hard thing for me to understand right now is that we're still raising kids together, trying to have dinner together, doing laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping, putting the kids to bed... All of that stuff can't really be separated well when we're living together and haven't told our kids yet. We're trying to get through some big things in the next few weeks before we actually tell the kids and make some moves towards actual separation.
> 
> I know that deep down I hope the 180 rule helps my wife turn her attitude about me. That would be the best outcome in my mind. It seems like most people don't sympathize with that on TAM, which I'm fine with. I also realize that it probably won't happen. So, I'm preparing myself for a split. I'm trying to make this amicable for my kids sake.
> 
> I would like to understand better where we're at with our bills. She wants to know how to use the computer setup we have. Is it fair to make a trade? Agree that we'll go through each thing once and then we'll be on our own?


If she’s not technologically inclined, you will NEVER be able to teach her enough that she’s not going to need help from time to time.

Simultaneously, she’s right — you need to learn to sort your finances on your own.

A one-time sit-down might help you to get a handle on your finances, but it’s not going to do crap for her in terms of making her tech-savvy.

Unless there is someone else in the picture (on her end), the 180 isn’t going to work in terms of bringing your wife back to you; and even if there is, there’s still no guarantee that it will work.

Either way, the only way to do the 180 is to DO THE 180:

Follow. It. To. The. Freaking. Letter.

Otherwise you’ll just come across as a passive-aggressive wimp.


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## EleGirl

2arebetter said:


> I told her she needs to figure out the computer on her own. After a while (after the kids had left with grandparents) she asked why I can't help. I told her I'm moving on and that we need to start doing things on our own. She told me she gets wanting to move on, but if that's the case I need to figure out finances on my own too. She was pretty emotional about it... I wasn't (which is kind of a reversal). I said that wasn't really the same thing, but she adamantly disagreed. After stewing on it for a while I think it might be fair game though. I'm into technology and I have a non-standard computer setup at home, so I get some of the difficulty. I haven't touched much of our finances (other than some of my own Dr or cell bills) in years. If we're going through the motions of parting ways I should really be taking care of my own s***. The hard thing for me to understand right now is that we're still raising kids together, trying to have dinner together, doing laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping, putting the kids to bed... All of that stuff can't really be separated well when we're living together and haven't told our kids yet. We're trying to get through some big things in the next few weeks before we actually tell the kids and make some moves towards actual separation.
> 
> I know that deep down I hope the 180 rule helps my wife turn her attitude about me. That would be the best outcome in my mind. It seems like most people don't sympathize with that on TAM, which I'm fine with. I also realize that it probably won't happen. So, I'm preparing myself for a split. I'm trying to make this amicable for my kids sake.
> 
> I would like to understand better where we're at with our bills. She wants to know how to use the computer setup we have. Is it fair to make a trade? Agree that we'll go through each thing once and then we'll be on our own?


It's true that you need to take over your own finances if you are going to split. So perhaps that's a good trade.


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## 2arebetter

Thanks everyone. I'm operating under the idea my marriage is over. The 180 is damn hard though. I feel like a complete dirtbag by so suddenly starting the complete turnaround. Like you've all said though... It's a way out and a way to gain some self worth back. I just never thought of have to treat someone else so harshly to get it (even if she did as much to me). 

Hanging in there...


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## EleGirl

2arebetter said:


> I'm trying my best to stick to the 180. If wife as for help with something do I help? She wants help with iTunes.
> 
> It feels stupid asking, but I don't know what the line of between mean or disrespectful and kind but detached is.


The purpose of the 180 for betrayed spouses is a plan to follow until one of two things happens... 1) your wife ends her affair and agrees to work on your marriage, or 2) you fall out of love with her, could care less anymore and you file for divorce.

The 180 is not going to get her to like you, or want to fix your marriage. The purpose is for you to pull away to reduce the pain that you feel and so that you start to emotionally separate.

if she wants a divorce, and she will not agree to work on the marriage, why don't you file for divorce and the two of you just move on?


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## Lostinthought61

2arebetter,

does the family know she cheated? if not why not?
has she admitted ? remorseful ?
telling why she did it? taking responsibility?


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## Marc878

If you know technology you can learn your finances easily enough so start.


Read up its short
https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy 

If you can't pull a 180 you'll just linger on in limbo


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## BobSimmons

2arebetter said:


> I know that deep down I hope the 180 rule helps my wife turn her attitude about me.


This is wrong,..as I've already pointed out in another one of your threads.

Use the 180 for yourself not for trying to get an outcome because if the divorce goes through (unless this is what you want) you're going to have a resentful and spiteful co-parenter. I say this because it is clear you don't hate your wife so all this is inauthentic. You're pretending for pretense's sake when divorce does come that same mack truck you're trying to avoid is still going to hit you.

Take 180 as far as you need to. Just be real about why you're doing it, knowing what the outcome will likely be for you and her if you do end up divorcing.

Best to face the truth now rather than running away from it.


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## manwithnoname

OP, you're using the 180 to hold hope on winning her back, which is not the intent. If you want to win her back, go back in time to when she was cheating, and do things differently. You let her move in with the OM during a trial separation, she didn't want to work on your marriage, you didn't divorce her, didn't make her quit her job etc. She lost respect for you and you lived in limbo this entire time until she asked for a divorce. 

Now you are still acting like the weak "nice guy" hoping for something that will not happen as things stand. It's done. Learn from it and better yourself for the future.

Does she still work there, and with the OM?

Figure out your finance issues by yourself or ask someone else, don't trade with her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Sorry about your dog. 
With the facts known, if she asked for divorce AND acts like her desire for divorce continues, it will only get worse for you. May be best to plan an exit. I say may, because only you know all the details. From what I've read anyway, my opinion is it would be best to exit. Condolences.


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## 2arebetter

BobSimmons said:


> This is wrong,..as I've already pointed out in another one of your threads.
> 
> Use the 180 for yourself not for trying to get an outcome because if the divorce goes through (unless this is what you want) you're going to have a resentful and spiteful co-parenter. I say this because it is clear you don't hate your wife so all this is inauthentic. You're pretending for pretense's sake when divorce does come that same mack truck you're trying to avoid is still going to hit you.
> 
> Take 180 as far as you need to. Just be real about why you're doing it, knowing what the outcome will likely be for you and her if you do end up divorcing.
> 
> Best to face the truth now rather than running away from it.


I understand what you're saying and I can't argue that I don't still have feelings for my wife. I am sticking with the actions of the 180 with the idea that I can't change the outcome. I know that there is a chance she'd change her tune, but I know that's very unlikely. I'm not totally detached from my wife after 2 weeks of the 180, but I know I will get there. I imagine at some point I will have managed to break myself of feelings for my wife and I wouldn't take her back even if she wanted to try. 

It's been pretty up and down so far. Sometimes I feel like I could care less if I see her again. Other times I'm wishing for her to change. I do honestly appreciate people calling me out a bit. I know this is for my benefit. I am sticking with this for myself. I will succeed in time.


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## 2arebetter

Lostinthought61 said:


> 2arebetter,
> 
> does the family know she cheated? if not why not?
> has she admitted ? remorseful ?
> telling why she did it? taking responsibility?


It depends on who you mean by family. The adults in our immediate families know. Our kids don't, they're only 6 and 3.... I don't think they'd get it and I do want them to have a good impression of their mom yet because it's important to have that (even if I don't). In time I'm sure the kids will find out, but I don't think they're ready.

The affair started over 2 years ago. She has admitted and is remorseful. The contact to the OM didn't stop after the physical contact and affair stopped. That continued on for quite a while after; up until about July of last year. This was not known to me, but I didn't specifically ask either because I thought that we were passed that point. She can't say why it happened other than she was depressed about our relationship, stating that we lost all passion. She started to come up with the idea that we never had passion like she found with the OM. I know that's her way of justifying that she has never really given us a chance to fix our marriage. I laid into her pretty hard one night about it. Not abusive, just pure truth. As far as taking responsibility, I'm not sure. I don't know what that would entail. She's admitted it was all her fault and I didn't cause her to to have an affair.


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## 2arebetter

manwithnoname said:


> OP, you're using the 180 to hold hope on winning her back, which is not the intent. If you want to win her back, go back in time to when she was cheating, and do things differently. You let her move in with the OM during a trial separation, she didn't want to work on your marriage, you didn't divorce her, didn't make her quit her job etc. She lost respect for you and you lived in limbo this entire time until she asked for a divorce.
> 
> Now you are still acting like the weak "nice guy" hoping for something that will not happen as things stand. It's done. Learn from it and better yourself for the future.
> 
> Does she still work there, and with the OM?
> 
> Figure out your finance issues by yourself or ask someone else, don't trade with her.


I'm realizing I made plenty of mistakes throughout this whole ordeal. I would do things differently if I could. Like I mentioned above a couple posts, I don't think I can change the outcome of a 180 other than making sure I break my feelings for my wife. I'm not there yet but I am sticking with it until that happens. I'm not acting like a weak nice guy to my wife. I'm acting indifferent to her. I haven't talked to her other than about kids stuff. 

She doesn't still work with the OM. She's gotten a new job and as far as I know he was fired/quit (in a bad way). 

I haven't traded for anything and I'm thinking I won't.


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## 2arebetter

Oh man. I'm kind of freaking out a bit. 

I told her I bought tickets to one of my kids events for me, my other child, and my mom. She was responsible for herself and whoever in her family she wanted to invite. 

She asked how I knew about this. I told her I get emails about it and I don't know how she gets involved. I think my choice of words were poor as I didn't mean it to come off as I was trying to cut her out of this event. I was just trying to tell her she needs to get her own tickets. 

She blew up and told me I've been a **** for these past couple weeks. I honestly don't care if she thinks I'm a ****, I just don't want to make this a fight over our kids. She said she expected me to be respectful about communication about our kids. She said we should just act like strangers now. I told her I assumed that's what we'd be after the split. 

Maybe this is the old me thinking this way yet. I don't know.... I know she can hold grudges pretty bad and I don't want to pick a fight over my kids. That wasn't my intention with me being cold and non-communicative to her. I don't want this split to be a fight. I just want to be able to go on my way and have my kids as much as I can.


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## Marc878

2arebetter said:


> Oh man. I'm kind of freaking out a bit.
> 
> *Why so affraid of her?*
> 
> I told her I bought tickets to one of my kids events for me, my other child, and my mom. She was responsible for herself and whoever in her family she wanted to invite.
> 
> Mr passive aggressive. Why tell her anything? Just do what you want.
> 
> She asked how I knew about this. I told her I get emails about it and I don't know how she gets involved. I think my choice of words were poor as I didn't mean it to come off as I was trying to cut her out of this event. I was just trying to tell her she needs to get her own tickets.
> 
> Where's your 180? Like most you talk but don't do.
> 
> She blew up and told me I've been a **** for these past couple weeks. I honestly don't care if she thinks I'm a ****, I just don't want to make this a fight over our kids. She said she expected me to be respectful about communication about our kids. *She said we should just act like strangers now. I told her I assumed that's what we'd be after the split. *
> 
> You talk too much. Actions speak louder. Assumed? You can't go your own way?
> 
> Maybe this is the old me thinking this way yet. I don't know.... *I know she can hold grudges pretty bad* and I don't want to pick a fight over my kids. That wasn't my intention with me being cold and non-communicative to her. I don't want this split to be a fight. I just want to be able to go on my way and have my kids as much as I can.


Still affraid of her and worried about what she says or thinks.

Your weakness will get you more of what you've been getting.


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## 2arebetter

Marc878 said:


> Still affraid of her and worried about what she says or thinks.
> 
> Your weakness will get you more of what you've been getting.


I'm afraid of this affecting my kids I think. Maybe I'm doing this wrong. I've been pretty much a mute to her. I told her about the tickets because I wanted to make sure my kids see both parents at this event.


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## Lostinthought61

you have every right to be angry at her and you need to remind her why you are angry and why you are here...tell her to look in the mirror and ask herself what she did to bring you here in this state of angry and coldness.


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## 2arebetter

Lostinthought61 said:


> you have every right to be angry at her and you need to remind her why you are angry and why you are here...tell her to look in the mirror and ask herself what she did to bring you here in this state of angry and coldness.


I did that. She stormed off and went to bed early.


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## Marc878

2arebetter said:


> I'm afraid of this affecting my kids I think. Maybe I'm doing this wrong. I've been pretty much a mute to her. I told her about the tickets because I wanted to make sure my kids see both parents at this event.


Nope, it's a passive aggressive play to keep her in the marriage.

You go your own way and let her do the same. You can't do that you'll just continue to wallow in this.

A very weak play on your part.


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## Marc878

You don't talk to her about how it's gonna be you show her.

Keeping your mouth shut would help. Just do want you want.

She has to figure out her part.

Are you her pastor, father or priest?


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## 2arebetter

Is there no value to treating this more delicately for the kids sake? We're not really in a position we can split up without any planning.


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## 2arebetter

The more time that goes on I don't want this marriage to continue. She's been bad for me for a long time. I just want out but with my kids in the best possible position.


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## Mr.Married

You want to have your cake and eat it too. Stop with all the excuses. Divorce is not easy. Trying to rub butter and sugar all over it isn't helping.
You need to get to the point of doing the hard parts. There is no "perfect way out"...that's why it's hard. Your going to find yourself at TAM 
one year from now still talking about all the things your doing to "divorce perfectly".

You do DESERVE to be happy ..... don't stand in your own way. 

Double down on your efforts to understand your own worth.


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## 2arebetter

Feeling a little better about it this morning. I know I need to break things off and gain back respect for myself. I didn't expect the actions used to gaining self respect would make me feel ****ty though. Fear of any additional hurt put on the kids has me a little tied up too. I'm trying. Hard to break habits I've had all my life. 

I think I've said before that her parents are divorced and there was plenty of reason for hate between them. They've managed to bury that enough to join together for important family events (and they are kind to each other). I seriously admire that and hope my kids future doesn't have separate events for everything.


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## Mr The Other

2arebetter said:


> Feeling a little better about it this morning. I know I need to break things off and gain back respect for myself. I didn't expect the actions used to gaining self respect would make me feel ****ty though. Fear of any additional hurt put on the kids has me a little tied up too. I'm trying. Hard to break habits I've had all my life.
> 
> I think I've said before that her parents are divorced and there was plenty of reason for hate between them. They've managed to bury that enough to join together for important family events (and they are kind to each other). I seriously admire that and hope my kids future doesn't have separate events for everything.


If you are doing the 180, change your username. 

"2arebetter" could be "Iambetterthanthis"


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## 2arebetter

Mr The Other said:


> 2arebetter said:
> 
> 
> 
> Feeling a little better about it this morning. I know I need to break things off and gain back respect for myself. I didn't expect the actions used to gaining self respect would make me feel ****ty though. Fear of any additional hurt put on the kids has me a little tied up too. I'm trying. Hard to break habits I've had all my life.
> 
> I think I've said before that her parents are divorced and there was plenty of reason for hate between them. They've managed to bury that enough to join together for important family events (and they are kind to each other). I seriously admire that and hope my kids future doesn't have separate events for everything.
> 
> 
> 
> If you are doing the 180, change your username.
> 
> "2arebetter" could be "Iambetterthanthis"
Click to expand...

Lol. I'm keeping 2arebetter. I'm a big motorcycle nut. 2 wheels are better than 4. I'd probably not own a car if I didn't have kids, a house that always needs something, live in a place work real winters, blah blah blah...


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## 2arebetter

Doing a little better these past couple days. Keeping communication only about kids or bills/finances/basics. Starting to get a stronger feeling of a positive future. 

One on my kids lost a tooth a couple days ago. Only the second tooth lost. Made me really happy to do something special for the tooth fairy. She was pretty surprised and happy the next morning.


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## Bananapeel

Your new mantra should be that you are no longer going to be nice but you will be civil. Then act that way. I personally wouldn't have made a big deal about installing iTunes because it shouldn't be a big deal. It is only a big deal because you aren't detached and are trying to manipulate your wife into changing her behavior and trying to change the power dynamic in your relationship. Once you detach you just won't care about these requests and won't want to waste your mental/emotional energy dwelling on a non-issue. Then once you get the D moving along and move into separate living spaces then you don't come over to help her unless it directly benefits the kids. I have a practical way of looking at life and spending multiple days worrying about whether you should/shouldn't do a five minute favor means you chose wrong.


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## farsidejunky

Don't bother with pointing out how you ended up in this situation to her. She knows it but is too prideful to admit it. Stick to simple, non-engaging statements.

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

Or:

"You do what you feel you have to do. I will do the same."

Deliver those statements in a calm manner. Think of the tone of voice you would use with a bank teller; business like, with no emotion.

And Marc is right...your fear will be your undoing if you do not get it under control.


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## farsidejunky

2arebetter said:


> Feeling a little better about it this morning. I know I need to break things off and gain back respect for myself. I didn't expect the actions used to gaining self respect would make me feel ****ty though. Fear of any additional hurt put on the kids has me a little tied up too. I'm trying. Hard to break habits I've had all my life.
> 
> I think I've said before that her parents are divorced and there was plenty of reason for hate between them. They've managed to bury that enough to join together for important family events (and they are kind to each other). I seriously admire that and hope my kids future doesn't have separate events for everything.


Your residual "nice guy" is trying not to let your inner ******* take the reigns, when he actually needs to.

Think about it for a second...you are feeling guilty for standing up for your own self respect. 

When phrased that way, how does that sound?


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## 2arebetter

farsidejunky said:


> 2arebetter said:
> 
> 
> 
> Feeling a little better about it this morning. I know I need to break things off and gain back respect for myself. I didn't expect the actions used to gaining self respect would make me feel ****ty though. Fear of any additional hurt put on the kids has me a little tied up too. I'm trying. Hard to break habits I've had all my life.
> 
> I think I've said before that her parents are divorced and there was plenty of reason for hate between them. They've managed to bury that enough to join together for important family events (and they are kind to each other). I seriously admire that and hope my kids future doesn't have separate events for everything.
> 
> 
> 
> Your residual "nice guy" is trying not to let your inner ******* take the reigns, when he actually needs to.
> 
> Think about it for a second...you are feeling guilty for standing up for your own self respect.
> 
> When phrased that way, how does that sound?
Click to expand...

Doesn't sound too off. I think part of my guilt was that I felt that I omitted some details about something important to my child. I refuse to let my kids be in any way used as ammo against my wife. The more I think about kids of split families (and responses to another thread) is that if both parents are good parents and genuinely want the best for their kids, then both parents need to be viewed as equals in the eyes of the child. I think I would be putting my kids and I at more of a risk if a difficult future if I start a pattern of using my kids as a weapon against my wife. I think I cought myself don't that and had some serious guilt. 

Since she blew up there have been no apologies or mentions of it. There's been little communication at all. Which I'm fine with.


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## chillymorn69

Start paying your own bills now!

Start separate checking accounts. 

Might as well start now eventually your going to have to. Its easy .

Bill comes in pay it.


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## Chaparral

Don’t want to hurt your kids? Of course you don’t. BUT, does a lying cheating ho think about the damage they are doing their kids. You love them much more than she does. She loves herself.
You need to tell her something? Send her a text. If absolutely necessary. She’s walking poison. To everyone around her. She should be dead to you. It’s not your job even if it were possible to make her look like a mother.


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## GusPolinski

2arebetter said:


> I did that. She stormed off and went to bed early.


LOL... well done!

Better than a can of Ho-B-Gon™!


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## GusPolinski

2arebetter said:


> Is there no value to treating this more delicately for the kids sake? We're not really in a position we can split up without any planning.


All that’s gonna get you is walked all over.


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## 2arebetter

I feel like I've had kind of a quick turn-around from fearing for the loss of my wife to wanting to go through with a divorce. I've considered what I've put into this relationship for these past 2+ years (more like 4 since she's been into me) and what I've gotten back. And I think it's complete bull****. My only real fear now is just how my kids will handle it. I've tried kicking dad-effort into high gear and I think it makes me feel good that I know I'll be good with my kids. It's also kind of a "look at me, I'm going to be great without you" to my wife. I'm trying to take them to do stuff more often or involve them in more things around the house that mom isn't involved in. 

If I honestly look at it though, I know the split will still be tough. I've never done well with a lot of alone time. In fact, I've never lived alone. But, I think I'm doing well to mentally prepare myself for the split anyway. I'm looking at houses I can hopefully afford in a good school district. I've even gotten support from her family (I didn't tell them and didn't know they knew). I'm doing my best to only talk to my wife about important stuff like kids, bills, and food. I hardly ever address her for anything. Don't ask where she's going, don't tell her where I'm going. I am trying to be upbeat and pleasant, but in a distant way.

Hopefully I can continue in this direction.


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## [email protected]

Every interaction you have with your WW needs to be from a position of power. Be strong! She may not love you, but she'll respect you.


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## jlg07

@2arebetter, any updates? How are you doing?


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