# Rollercoaster - HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THIS ???



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THIS SH!T !!!!!!????????

So the last few days, since I realised I was totally CO-DEPENDENT (what a joke that is!!!!) things seem to be ok-ish.

The 180 helped and so does this site and I realised I needed to keep my my space and I have. 

She has been OK.... not good but definitely not bad. Today we had a quick talk about going out Saturday (he booked a show for fathers day) and we spoke about I only wanted to do it if there was no pressure on us. She agreed and then said not sure if we should do it or not!!!!

We had a quick chat and she said last Thursday she was ready to end it all with me, we then didn't speak on Friday and then on Saturday we had a quick convo. I realised that I wanted to have my own life, not be in each others pockets etc.

Today, she said to me that 'That' convo from Saturday has really helped and that she feels we are getting somewhere.

SO WHY AM I HURTING SO BAD INSIDE?

I want to go out with her on saturday (I have been looking forward to it). She said earlier in the convo that it would be nice and by the end of it 'wasn't sure'.

Now my head keeps thinking over and over again that she is distancing herself again and I am HURTING. 

I thought I had sorted myself slightly with the 180 but now I am feeling low and from what I can see FOR NO REASON!!!!

She hasn't said anything bad


----------



## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

I think we need some backstory here.

As for breaking off emotional attachments, it's never that easy unless you are a sociopath or are enmeshed with other attachments that you value more.


----------



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

sorry, backstory here!!!! New to forums so didn't know if needed another post or just continue the first one!!!!!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...what-she-wants-now-i-have-found-180-a-13.html


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

manindespair said:


> sorry, backstory here!!!! New to forums so didn't know if needed another post or just continue the first one!!!!!
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...what-she-wants-now-i-have-found-180-a-13.html


It's best to just stay on your original thread.


----------



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

3putt said:


> It's best to just stay on your original thread.


thanks


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

People have told you the emotional roller coaster is normal. You said you found the 180 and are following it....yet you plan a date night? That's not 180. Talking about the relationship is not 180. Therefore, you AREN"T following the 180.

See how she distances herself when you plan a date night? This is you chasing her! The more you chase her, the more she will run away! Stop it!

She's unremorseful, and not worth your time. Time for a hard 180 and go totally dark. Do not engage her in any way.


----------



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> People have told you the emotional roller coaster is normal. You said you found the 180 and are following it....yet you plan a date night? That's not 180. Talking about the relationship is not 180. Therefore, you AREN"T following the 180.
> 
> See how she distances herself when you plan a date night? This is you chasing her! The more you chase her, the more she will run away! Stop it!
> 
> She's unremorseful, and not worth your time. Time for a hard 180 and go totally dark. Do not engage her in any way.



OK... I understand about what you are saying with the 180. BUT

I didn't arrange this date night.... she did. She bought it for me as a fathers day gift which was last sunday (10 days ago).

The convo was started by her..... sorry but I thought the 180 said do not start any convo unless they do??????

I totally get your point but am a little confused


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Next time she brings up doing something like this with you just tell her you have plans.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

manindespair said:


> OK... I understand about what you are saying with the 180. BUT
> 
> I didn't arrange this date night.... she did. She bought it for me as a fathers day gift which was last sunday (10 days ago).
> 
> ...


Ok, you didn't make that clear that she started it and planned the date night. Be that as it may, you can modify the 180. They are just guidelines. You can modify it to be a hard 180...that is, go totally dark. 

This particular unremorseful cheater doesn't deserve the regular 180 because she's trying to keep you engaged with her and then running away. Stop the cycle.

Do the 180 for yourself to help yourself detach.


----------

