# Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching



## cyrustalon (Aug 13, 2011)

Hi, I have been familiar with these forums for a while now, but never joined till recently. Over the past few months, my wife has expressed some interest in being with another woman, or having a threesome, or possibly watching me with a girl. However, I am not totally sure how I feel about the whole idea.

Any of you who have experienced these situations, and can comment on what sort of things happened, good or bad, what sort of feelings there were, etc... That would be greatly appreciated!

I am not necessarily for or against at this point, I just really dont know how I feel.

For those of you who have gone through with something like this, what was it like? What did you do? 

Thanks


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Danger will robinson......danger!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

cyrustalon said:


> Hi, I have been familiar with these forums for a while now, but never joined till recently. Over the past few months, my wife has expressed some interest in being with another woman, or having a threesome, or possibly watching me with a girl. However, I am not totally sure how I feel about the whole idea.
> 
> Any of you who have experienced these situations, and can comment on what sort of things happened, good or bad, what sort of feelings there were, etc... That would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> ...


There is a reason why this is a fantasy and should remain that way. Also, you aren't going to find alot of people here that have done this with their spouse. College maybe, after marriage, few and far between. Why? The risk is too great. Neither of you have any idea how the other will react until it actually happens and by then it is too late.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

None of those three things are the same thing. In fact they're quite different from one another. Either your wife is or is not bisexual or gay. There's not a huge gulf of vagueness in that. Tell you what, why not strike a compromise and suggest you find a woman to watch the two of you have sex?


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

To even consider considering it, you need to make sure you both understand and accept the potential consequences.

My wife told me several years ago that she was curious about being with another woman. Being an experience that I, naturally, can't provide, I told her that she has my blessing to indulge that curiosity on three conditions: 1) she not keep it a secret from me, which leads to 2) I at least get to watch (yeah...so I think it could be fun to see), and 3) if I find it too difficult to cope with, I have the right to pull the proverbial plug on that encounter and any future such activities would be off the table. She agreed, and began semi-actively looking for a woman that interested her and was good with our conditions.

Then, over the past year or so, her EA's and PA all came to light. Shortly after our last blowup of new information, the subject came up in conversation (our lines of communication had fully opened back up at this point), and she said that, while I may think I could handle seeing her with another woman (as opposed to her PA with another man), she doesn't think I can and has stopped looking for a woman. While I told her that she still has my blessing, I do indeed respect her consideration of me and her decision.

Now, on the other hand, while we were out with friends over the weekend, one friend made a joke about me trolling for women in a less than ideal area (purely fictional...just a joke). Wife responded by saying that, "As long as she's hot and I can watch, he's more than welcome to." don't know how much of that was kidding for the laugh, and don't plan on asking, since it's not something I'd even consider acting upon if she wasn't joking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My friend and her husband thought this would be a good idea. They did it a few times (with different women and it was my friend's idea) and now, she's jealous and suspicious of her husband. They haven't done it since (over a year) but...I do believe it ruined her and her marriage.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Separating sex from love or feelings of deep caring is tough for many people, men included but especially women. How do you know if your wife and/or the OW are not going to fall in love with each other?


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

That was exactly my primary concern when considering to give my blessing, morituri.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

When women marry, most women hope they are marrying a man with a good core value system, who knows who he is and what he stands for. 

When a man suggests a threesome, what he is saying is that he wishes to cheat, just with permission. If a woman suggests this and he says yes, it says to the woman, that the man did not really have those core values, that he does not really value her or their vows, and he definitely does not have what it takes to keep a marriage in tact (he is weak). It's as if he has said "I am a good strong person, I will let nothing come between us... umm except things that society tells me should make very horny, those I'll make exceptions for"

The best marriages I believe are ones where the men take a stand and let their wife and every body else know, that their marriage is number 1, that they will not allow anything or any one to endanger their marriage. That is the type of man women love, that is the type of man they know they can trust and rely on. 

The other type of men open the door to marital decay and destruction, and then wonder WTF went wrong.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I think the best case scenario here is that it makes your sex life a little more exciting, but really doesn't add any value to your marriage.

Worst case scenario is the end of your marriage.

So, lots of risk, not a lot of reward. Better to rent a porno, read a book, make up a fantasy.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It seems that nearly every time I hear about a situation where a wife expresses interested in either opening the relationship, or bringing a 3rd in,or swapping - the marriage is on it's death bed, but the husband just doesn't know it yet.

It's often her "creative" way of dealing with her desire to cheat, or her already active cheating by seeming to offer hubby something. 

Hubby soon discovers that she's got an entirely different agenda that she told him, and soon finds that he's the 3rd on in the marriage.

So if my wife wanted to explore such things, I'd immediately start to check up on exactly who she's either currently or thinking about cheating with.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Syrum said:


> When a man suggests a threesome, what he is saying is that he wishes to cheat, just with permission. If a woman suggests this and he says yes, it says to the woman, that the man did not really have those core values, that he does not really value her or their vows, and he definitely does not have what it takes to keep a marriage in tact (he is weak).



So no matter how you slice it, the wife has no culpability in these situations?? :scratchhead:


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> So no matter how you slice it, the wife has no culpability in these situations?? :scratchhead:


Obviously not. And, given the source, I imagine I can predict with 90-something percent accuracy what she would claim the genesis of it all is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Syrum said:


> When women marry, most women hope they are marrying a man with a good core value system, who knows who he is and what he stands for.
> 
> When a man suggests a threesome, what he is saying is that he wishes to cheat, just with permission. If a woman suggests this and he says yes, it says to the woman, that the man did not really have those core values, that he does not really value her or their vows, and he definitely does not have what it takes to keep a marriage in tact (he is weak). It's as if he has said "I am a good strong person, I will let nothing come between us... umm except things that society tells me should make very horny, those I'll make exceptions for"
> 
> ...


Thanks for reminding me what a wonderful guy I am. LOL


----------



## cyrustalon (Aug 13, 2011)

Thank you all for your comments. To further clarify, my wife comes from a pretty sheltered background, and very conservative. It is only recently since we met and married that she has started embracing and exploring her sexuality. She has never been with anyone else, and is not having an affair of any kind. These desires and curiosities are borne out of her recent "self discovery" so to speak. So I am not worried about that aspect of what is driving her.

Mostly my concerns are how she will feel about it afterwards, how she will feel about me afterwards, what can be expected, what are the good things experienced, negative aspects. Keep it coming! Thanks so much for the insights.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> So no matter how you slice it, the wife has no culpability in these situations?? :scratchhead:


Nope I am not saying that at all, but a lot of women play along with it, or suggest it thinking it's what their men want, and that it will make them sexier etc. They think their husbands will love them more. Or they suggest as some men do, thinking they can cake eat.

I believe that a good marriage has a good leader, it's not being a good leader, nor a good decision maker if you allow things into your marriage that have a very good chance of weakening it or ruining it. A good husband would say absolutely NO way to anything of the sort.


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Nope I am not saying that at all, but a lot of women play along with it, or suggest it thinking it's what their men want, and that it will make them sexier etc. They think their husbands will love them more. Or they suggest as some men do, thinking they can cake eat.
> 
> I believe that a good marriage has a good leader, it's not being a good leader, nor a good decision maker if you allow things into your marriage that have a very good chance of weakening it or ruining it. A good husband would say absolutely NO way to anything of the sort.


All of which reads as a verbose way of saying, "Forget my first sentence in this reply, because...yes, I do indeed think it's all on the husband."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> All of which reads as a verbose way of saying, "Forget my first sentence in this reply, because...yes, I do indeed think it's all on the husband."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are countless men on this forum who say they want the opportunity to lead in their marriage, to take charge etc...
yet when a perfectly good and reasonable opportunity comes along for them to seize the moment and man up, show their wife what they are worth and just how much they value their marriage , they don't take it.

Personally I would want my husband to value me and our marriage more then that. If I asked him for a three some, I would want him to let me know in no uncertain terms that it was not OK.

I want a real man, not just one who blows hot air. One who when it comes down to it has the strength of character to stand by his convictions.


----------



## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> None of those three things are the same thing. In fact they're quite different from one another. Either your wife is or is not bisexual or gay. There's not a huge gulf of vagueness in that. Tell you what, why not strike a compromise and suggest you find a woman to watch the two of you have sex?


Come on - it is not as simple as that. Sexually there is a wide continuum between strait, bi ad gay. She may be 13.5 bi, or bi-curious. 

Let e put it in another way - would you let your uptightness make her do this behind your back with sb else? Perhaps this is just a thing she needs t ge out of her system? 

Think through the matter and discuss openly with her without accusing her of anything. Be curious and figure out how this turns her on.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

nada said:


> Come on - it is not as simple as that. Sexually there is a wide continuum between strait, bi ad gay. She may be 13.5 bi, or bi-curious.
> 
> Let e put it in another way - would you let your uptightness make her do this behind your back with sb else? Perhaps this is just a thing she needs t ge out of her system?
> 
> Think through the matter and discuss openly with her without accusing her of anything. Be curious and figure out how this turns her on.


So being curious means you have to stand by and be happy while your husband or wife has sex with someone else (so cheats) or else they will just do it any way. :scratchhead:

I disagree. We could all be curious about an infinite amount of things in life, however if we know they will harm our relationships and hurt the ones we love, we should not go there. Or else where does it end?

I am sooo committed to you.. no really.. I love you and would never hurt you... except if I get curious.


----------



## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

Syrum said:


> So being curious means you have to stand by and be happy while your husband or wife has sex with someone else (so cheats) or else they will just do it any way. :scratchhead:
> 
> I disagree. We could all be curious about an infinite amount of things in life, however if we know they will harm our relationships and hurt the ones we love, we should not go there. Or else where does it end?
> 
> I am sooo committed to you.. no really.. I love you and would never hurt you... except if I get curious.


:smthumbup:

Hey, You are funny 

My point is not to act/accept without thinking, but to be open and try to understand the other person. Putting your partner down on moral grounds without trying to understand what drives them and how important is this fetish is, is not furtile. Perhaps this is just a passing idea, OR maybe this is a deeper more fundamental part of her sexuality? I dont know this, but neither will you unless you are open for her and listen to her. Don't let anyone outside define your sexlife on the basis of their religious beliefs, it is your life .


Syrum, I like your sense of humor


----------



## Necco (Aug 20, 2011)

The leader argument turns me off. What's wrong with coming to a decision in the relationship based on equality. The women that say they want a leader may have an unconscious fetish to be dominated. Are women really the weaker of the species that need a leader to tell them right from wrong? Many coming from a moral high ground argue that they believe in equality, but it often does not sound like it.


----------



## cyrustalon (Aug 13, 2011)

I fully understand the viewpoint of being a good, strong leader. However, how is this effectively balanced with needing her needs for exploration and fullfillment? It kind of seems a bit brutish to tell my wife "NO", when all she is doing is expressing an interest and desire. Makes me feel kind of over domineering, or dictatorial.

So I guess this leads to the following question, Why do some of you enjoy 3somes, and such...while others unequivocaly shun them? Is there some sort of evaluation process that you have been through with your spouse to determine the balance between exploring fantasies versus ignorantly harming your relationship?

Still trying to figure out how to be open and willing towards my wifes suggestions, while still being a good leader.....not sure where the line is!


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It seems that nearly every time I hear about a situation where a wife expresses interested in either opening the relationship, or bringing a 3rd in,or swapping - the marriage is on it's death bed, but the husband just doesn't know it yet.
> 
> It's often her "creative" way of dealing with her desire to cheat, or her already active cheating by seeming to offer hubby something.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Don't bury your head in the sand like so many spouses do, especially men, who believe that their saintly spouse would never do such a thing because he/she is a religious, family values oriented person who is so busy that he/she does not have time to have an affair. Then find out that the old saying 'where there is a will there is a way' is very true when it comes to extra-marital affairs. If you care about your marriage, start investigating.


----------



## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Picture this: You let her cheat with another woman. She REALLY likes it. It opens up in her a flood of emotions and hormones she didn't know she had. She wants to do it more. She looks for someone in a similar situation. She finds someone who will be with her, but the husband wants in on it too. Let's say that's a no go from your perspective. So she looks for a pure lesbian. She quickly discovers that even lesbians are people, and they want a lover all to themselves like anyone would, so she finds the situation very frustrating. Then she decides to take up with a lesbian behind your back, like any affair. Even worse if she cheats with someone in a similar situation. You eventually find out, and lay down the ultimatum. The other H finds out, and is devastated and tosses her out on her ass. They're in the fog, so they choose each other.

Your move.

BTDT, GTD.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She will want to know why you kissed OW more then her, she will want to know why you don't touch her like you touched the OW, she will want to know if she was better then OW, she will want to know why you ignored the "safe word" and continued. 
Your wifes questions will build into resentment and when its all said and done the both of you will regret it.
See your wife doesn't know it but she is about to get the feeling of being replaced, she will no longer be the queen of her castle. You will no longer be her man, but "our man". 
I strongly suggest the both of you go to a strip club and after the both of you get a lap dance, then see how you both feel. I hope the both you find the idea of a threesome to risky and see what a slippery slope it really is.


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

How about this for a scenario:

You and your W find another willing woman. All three of you are hesitant but slowly the night progresses and you have a great time. In the morning after the other woman leaves you ask your wife how she feels, and she says, "That was fun, but I dont think I want to do it anymore." And you reply in kind.


Swinging is an underground lifestyle because, quite frankly, most people are against it on religious or ethical grounds. Most people will only tell you about the relationships it has crumbled, but thats because the swingers arent out there shouting from the roof tops.

There is nothing wrong with bringing a third party into the bedroom. Problems arise when an individual within the threesome cannot seperate emotion from the physical act. It is NOT the act itself which causes problems. That being said you have to ensure you and your W have ground rules in place, and are mature enough to understand exactly what is going on. 

Sure, a lot of negative things can arise from this type of fun, but you pointed out your wife is interested so that means there is some good to be found. Risk Vs. Reward.


----------



## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

agree with sockpuppet


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Rock beats scissors.


----------



## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> There is nothing wrong with bringing a third party into the bedroom. Problems arise when an individual within the threesome cannot seperate emotion from the physical act. It is NOT the act itself which causes problems.


I strongly disagree. The act causes certain bonding hormones to circulate, including oxytocin in the woman. This is the same hormone that bonds mother to child and her to you. If she's getting it from somewhere else, it's bound to fall apart. Apart from the preferred solution of not going there, the one and done scenario is the best you can hope for because then no long-term bonding is likely. But what kind of ringing endorsement is that?

Also, what if one likes it and the other doesn't? This is much more likely, and is going to lead to resentment no matter how you slice it. I have no moral objections to this at all, it's purely practical reasons that make it not work. 

Even those who claim it works, always have one who likes it more. It's impossible for the two to like it equally, that would be like you and me liking ice cream exactly equally. If you want multiple women, and it seems you do, don't get married. You're thinking of something else, and it's called being single.


----------



## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> agree with sockpuppet


Shocking. Get back to me in 5 years.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What about STDs?

A third party is under no vow or moral obligation to limit his/her sex with the married couple. Whoever he/she has sex with, the married couple has sex with as well. It only takes one infected person to infect others and sooner or later the married couple are going to be infected as well.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Syrum said:


> ...... but a lot of women play along with it, or suggest it thinking it's what their men want, and that it will make them sexier etc. They think their husbands will love them more.


I believe this is true.
Early in our marriage my wife suggested she wanted to get a girl to service me orally while she watched/helped.
It never happened (as I never pursued it) and the idea was dropped.

Awhile back we were having some trouble because I was upset with something she said to me and shortly after we got our problem straightened out she brought this fantasy up again and offered to set it up.(I believe as a way to show she loved me after hurting me)
I declined and told her I didn`t believe she really wanted what she thought she wanted.

It is now wonderful fantasy fodder for our sex life but it`ll never be more than that.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Or it could be thay they were unfaithful and were simply throwing a bone to their unsuspecting husbands.


----------



## cyrustalon (Aug 13, 2011)

For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

cyrustalon said:


> For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?


You just answered your own question. Have that very discussion, and be open and honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Syrum said:


> When women marry, most women hope they are marrying a man with a good core value system, who knows who he is and what he stands for.
> 
> When a man suggests a threesome, what he is saying is that he wishes to cheat, just with permission. If a woman suggests this and he says yes, it says to the woman, that the man did not really have those core values, that he does not really value her or their vows, and he definitely does not have what it takes to keep a marriage in tact (he is weak). It's as if he has said "I am a good strong person, I will let nothing come between us... umm except things that society tells me should make very horny, those I'll make exceptions for"
> 
> ...


I totally agree with this. This obviously goes both ways - a women and men with morals. 

That these kind of situations like this happen all the time - no wonder why our society is going down the toilet.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

IT is never a good idea to invite someone else into a marriage and it doesn't not matter if it is a woman.


----------



## 30somethingmale (Aug 25, 2011)

cyrustalon said:


> For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?



When my wife and I first breached this subject, it started with fantasy. We had been married around 10 years or so before we even discussed it as fantasy. We took that conversation a step further, and discussed even weirder fantasies with one another. Then we discussed the difference between fantasy, and reality. Then we discussed everything in between. we did this for about a month straight, every night, for an average of 5 hours per night. Then we talked even more. We talked about how fantasies can change, and what we desire in reality can change, and is subject to change based on who is involved, and that limits can change, and change back again, and can also be based on who is involved.

Long story short, in my opinion, we are a success story, in this ascpect/situation. I also believe we are an exception. I don't think a threesome, or anything like it will ever "fix" a broken marriage, but I do believe with the right people, in an already solid marriage, it can enhance you marriage even further. And as with anything, it's all about communication, and honesty. Having a 3some with my wife, would be like me and my best buddy in high school tag teaming the captian of the cheerleading squad, and high fiving each other, because my wife is my best friend, has been for years, is interested in the same kink/fetish/etc sexually as I am, and we've basically done the exact scenario I just described, only we weren't in high school, and it wasn't the captian of the cheerleading squad lol. 

For us, our boundaries were, and still are, no intercourse swapping, everything else was fine, in most situations. We did that, multiple times, with either the same people, and/or new people. We talked about it every time before it happened, discussed taht situations boundaries, fears, thoughts, turn ons, etc, and after it happened we talked about it even more. For us, it was/is a good thing, and will continue to be so.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Necco said:


> The leader argument turns me off. What's wrong with coming to a decision in the relationship based on equality. The women that say they want a leader may have an unconscious fetish to be dominated. Are women really the weaker of the species that need a leader to tell them right from wrong? Many coming from a moral high ground argue that they believe in equality, but it often does not sound like it.


For a relationship to be equal we would have to live in an equal society, sexuality would have to exactly equal too, and we know that it's not.

I really believe that most women want a good strong man who has good values and has the courage to stand by his convictions, one who isn't swayed by social trends. Most women will find this man attractive over time.



ManDup said:


> I strongly disagree. The act causes certain bonding hormones to circulate, including oxytocin in the woman. This is the same hormone that bonds mother to child and her to you. If she's getting it from somewhere else, it's bound to fall apart. Apart from the preferred solution of not going there, the one and done scenario is the best you can hope for because then no long-term bonding is likely. But what kind of ringing endorsement is that?
> 
> Also, what if one likes it and the other doesn't? This is much more likely, and is going to lead to resentment no matter how you slice it. I have no moral objections to this at all, it's purely practical reasons that make it not work.
> 
> Even those who claim it works, always have one who likes it more. It's impossible for the two to like it equally, that would be like you and me liking ice cream exactly equally. If you want multiple women, and it seems you do, don't get married. You're thinking of something else, and it's called being single.


:iagree:


----------



## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think both men AND women can be leaders in marriage, within the same marriage, about different things. I can't speak for all women but I can speak from the perspective of my own marriage and in it, we are equal partners. He takes the lead on some things, and I take the lead on others and we balance out.

Regarding a threesome - I think under the circumstances it would be very risky. You said she's never been with anyone else. You also said she's from a very religious family. I think she may have a lot of issues around feeling "dirty" or used or just replaceable. This is just another reason why waiting until marriage to have sex makes no sense to me. People need at least some experience to figure out what they like and what works for them.

People are jealous by nature. It is very rare for women to not be jealous about another woman in the relationship, even if it's "just sex". Your wife may become insecure if the other woman has better skills or a better body. She may feel that you are paying more attention to the other woman or are getting more aroused by her. Do you really want to risk your marriage for a fantasy fulfillment?


----------



## newday (Aug 29, 2011)

Today is my first day on this forum. I have posted a question and wait for replies...But in doing so I read your question. From experience let me tell you - do not do it. 
I have been married for 20 years. My husband and I had a 3 year threesome. It ruined our marriage. The threesome created fun, excitement, and more. It got crazy... It was the wrong thing to do. It has been over 6 years, my husband and I are still together. Our marriage is poor. He works with this other women, that just pisses me off every day. It is a small world. Keep your world sacred with your wife and your wife only.


----------



## Danielson67 (Mar 10, 2011)

A marriage should be like a cocoon, protected from any outside influences, including a third partner - no matter how hot they may be. Not knowing the emotional ramifications until after the fact is a pretty big gamble. Why even flirt with something that has the potential of ruining your marriage? Think twice hard and then think 3 times real hard before going ahead with something of this magnitude...


----------



## bobdc (Sep 15, 2011)

danger!
i'm too insecure/jealous to ever do this.
i'm sure it's ok for some people, but i sort of feel like why open that can of worms....
good luck!


----------



## martydotcom (Sep 29, 2011)

My wife's boss, (and good friend) a woman, mentioned one night when we were all drinking, that she found me attractive. I was floored when my wife replied, "that's cool, I share." Fifteen minutes later the three of us were back at our apartment in bed. All three of us living out a fantasy. It was a great experience, never to be repeated (To this day she'll never admit it, but I think my wife and her boss planned the evening) 
If you want to explore your fantasy keep in mind, Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
(married for 51 yrs)


----------



## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

The bests thing to do to get this out of her system is to rent some porno movies and watch others (who are getting paid to pretend they like it) do it.


----------



## cyrustalon (Aug 13, 2011)

She is not really into porn. Doesnt like to see all the nitty gritty details.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

C-
Have you guy tried out the strip club yet? Just for the "taste"


----------



## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

cyrustalon said:


> She is not really into porn. Doesnt like to see all the nitty gritty details.


I'm not suggesting she watch porn all the time...just one or two with threesomes so she'll know what she's getting into.


----------



## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

First off: Are you religious? Is she? Hopefully not or this thing will probably eat away at the both of you. If you're not move on to discussing it, while you're sober and not in the heat of any moments. Discussing this sort of thing should be very involved and a long process. Both of you really need to understand boundaries and what "YOU" expect out of a situation. Now, if your wife is a closet lesbian, all the doom and gloom about marriage from everyone else will come true. Same if she or you are somewhat jealous or possesive. This is really for couples who are very comfortable with each other and their relationship. Sure it could cause problems or the end of your marriage-if you move forward in spite warning signs above. For us, it has only happened with friends of ours. We have all been long time friends and in very long term relationships/marriages. Of course conversations and flirting started which led to other things once alcohol was introduced. It happened a number of times before we all had kids and just a few since. Our marriage has not changed one bit due to this. While i've always enjoyed it, and so has my wife, i'll say this: For us, the reality can never measure up with the fantasy in your head. We've done just about every scenario our heads dreamed up. It has never been as good as what we fantasize about. It was sure as heck fun trying though! It's great to hear positives and negatives from others but at the end of the day, you have to do what feels right for both of you. Both of you are equal in this, just like your marriage (hopefully!) All decisions have to made to ensure both partners are happy. In this situation (hate to say it) you and your wife are your only concern. Not necessarily the third party. Picking a play partner or partners is paramount to ensure things go well. I can imagine that if, during our first time, someone was left out or somewhat ignored, it would never have happened again. I made sure my wife was my primary focus. I certainly believe there are all sorts of sexuality ( and that's backed up by Kinsey). My wife is not what i would consider bi-sexual. She has been with and enjoyed other ladies on occasion but mostly she would prefer men. It kind of depends on her mood. This certainly didn't make her a lesbian or a man hungry tramp. If anything it broadened both of our horizons and added to our own sex life. As for falling in love with someone due to a sexual encounter? Really? I don't think so. Maybe when someone is a teenager but by the time you're a healthy well adjusted adult, you should be able to easily seperate a sexual encounter like a threesome from a love filled relationship.


----------



## OutdoorsRus (Oct 1, 2011)

How about playing it safe, but playing none the less...
Try making your own sexy videos but be sure to lock away the tapes in a safe place

This may satisfy any exhib/voyeuristic longings, without opening up your marriage to ingredients that may well lead to a complete failure of the relationship.

You can dress up for the video; pretend to be someone else and have some creative fun while exploring your own and each other's fantasies safely and securely.


----------



## symphonious (Sep 27, 2011)

Honestly, my husband and I have talked about it, but likely for all the wrong reasons.

Our sex-life together leaves a lot to be desired. I'm not always thinking about it (and as a matter of fact, if I ask him about it it's because I've been reminding myself to do so all day- I just never think about it actively), and have a very low sex drive. I had thought, you know, I can't deliver on this wifely front, and I definitely miss having female cuddle buddies (I have had girlfriends in the past, prior to my husband, though now I wouldn't be thinking about sex with them either)...

So we talked about him having a girl he could have sex with regularly, and the condition would be that she and I be friends and she like me also so that I can a) know she's treating him right, and b) I can have a friend to hang out with who likes me too and cuddles occasionally.

Sound confusing? It is. After talking to several of my friends who engage in poly-type relationships, it's best left alone unless both people are mature enough to handle it and want to do it for the right reasons. I tend to get jealous and so does he, so it's not right for us.

Doesn't mean I don't think about it, still. I think I mostly think about it because we don't have any local friends and when he's away I'm lonely and wish I had some like-minded company. (Hell, he's different enough from me that I wish I had more like-minded company even when he is home.)

So, we kinda just dropped it and probably won't revisit it.

Good luck, though. The big thing of advice I got from my poly friends is that SOMEONE will ALWAYS be more attracted to one than the other and that will always throw a wrench into things.

Example: My friends, K and J, got married. K decided that she was open to them adding a girlfriend. P was added. K decided over time that she and P did not get along as well as she had hoped... so she withdrew. She preferred that J did not continue with P, but let it happen. Eventually, P decided she wanted J to herself and said that openly, which upset K and J both. J cannot let P go, though, because he loves her almost as much as he loves K.

See the problem?


----------



## nice_cheryl (Oct 15, 2011)

This is just a fantasy and should remain a fantasy.


----------

