# Desperate Army Wife



## WhoKnows (Jul 1, 2009)

Lately I have just been bored and not interested in my husband in a sexual way. I'm 27, he's 30. No kids. Him and I are like best friends, but I'm not getting much more feelings for him then that...

Heres the background:

We started dating in 1999, moved in together in 2001, got married in 2003... he was my first love. I was crazy about him back in the day, he didn't treat me very well, but I was blinded by love. I was so happy on my wedding day. A year later, after going to school full time and working full time and him still not treating me the greatest I was worn out and got fed up and left by mutual agreement. Within 2 weeks he begged me to come back. He fell into a deep depression and basically became a loner... I felt terrible but we stayed legally separated until 2005. I even paid for the divorce and all that had to be done for it to be finalized was 1 signature. I dated someone who treated me really well but it didn't work out. In 2005 I still couldn't stop thinking about my husband so I called him up and he wanted me to come back. I cancelled the divorce and moved to Germany where he was stationed with the Army. We had a "honeymoon" moment for about 5 months, then he deployed to Iraq for 15 months. Fast forward to the beginning of 2007... he's back from Iraq and we are together again. Things are going okay, we are still feeling each other out. The end of 2007 and he leaves again for Iraq for another 15 months. I relocate to my home state while he's gone and basically live the single life minus dating anyone. I get friends and have a good time. Now its March 2009, he's home again. We are together again living at a military base in the middle of nowhere pretty much. I feel a lack of spark. Since he's been back we try to do fun things, but I am bored. It used to be enough to just be with him, now I always find myself impatiently waiting for bedtime. We both work full time, and we go to bed around 9pm... on the weekends we are in bed by 10. Its me. WHEN we have sex, maybe 1 time a week, I always feel weird about it. I feel like he is a brother type to me almost... it just feels wrong and honestly i just do it to get it done. i've tried thinking different thoughts and telling him what to do differently, with no success. and its not like he's not attractive... he is a soldier, stays in good shape and looks great in uniform. honestly i would be okay with never having sex with him again. i never get turned on, and never wanna have sex with him. before he came home i was "helping myself" a lot, but i've even stopped that.

We only have each other where we live, and throughout our entire relationship we've always spent all our free time with each other. I have been with him for awhile now and I do love him, but I dunno if i'm still IN love with him. Since 2004 we've only spent about 13 months together combined. The Army has really asked for a lot from him. He's going to serve 10 more years in the Army also, so he can retire. I want to support him. I want to be a happy wife... I don't want a divorce but I can't keep going like this. All i keep thinking if its like this now what is it going to be like in another 10 years. Also he's really wanting to start a family with me and I am kinda scared of that idea. He wants to start NOW. Again I love him but we pretty much have a sexless marriage now, whats going to happen after kids?

i've talked to him about this, he is upset a lot that we are barely having sex. he has improved things i've asked him to improve like helping around the house and quitting smoking. he's not really a romantic guy, and he's done things that i feel like doesn't show his full support for me..... but he is honestly trying. he tells me all the time i'm gorgeous, he always wants to be with me and he tells me he loves me more then anything.

i know a marriage loses the newlywed spark, so i don't know if this is what its supposed to be like. please someone give me some advice! PLEASE!


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. I just retired from the military and for the first 13 years my wife and I were married, I was gone threw out the year. From 96-98 I was gone over 300 days each year. Thankfully my wife understood since she was a military brat. 

You may want to visit the Family Support Center, or speak with a Chaplin. They may have some advice or send you to talk with someone off base. There are a lot of places within the military that can help. But you both will have to want the help.

Good luck!!


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