# What is happening



## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

In the past couple days...i have been having problems having a llloooonnnnnnggg lasting erection. But i feel the total desire to want to have enjoyable and fun love making with my wife...im 36 yrs old and havent had this kind of problem this bad...its happened a few times before and the next day or night i would spring back into action. She had no problem satisfying me last night...but when i was trying to satisfy her last night....i was having problems. I even told her that i wanted to really see her satisfied ....she was even trying to help me keep an erection...but no success. I told her i was really sorry this was happening. 

This morning...i walked up to her from the back...put my arms around her (lovely) and told her i was feeling really bad that i couldnt give her great pleasure last night and that i was feelinh really really bad...and that i want her to ***

I even told her tonight we try again.

I always tell her.... When i see im satisfying u...i become filled with joy.

Last night after she got home from work...she went right to the bedroom...kept the lights off got on the bed (i was with her at this point)...we layed down with each other for a few mins...then the fun started. So she was ready.

Any advice on this deal would help.. Thanku


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Look for the usual sources first...medications you are taking, get your blood pressure checked, stress at work or otherwise, etc.

And if your main concern is really your wife's pleasure, there is always oral sex, manual stimulation, and vibrators/other toys. Your erection is not the only way you can give her lots and LOTS of pleasure. Do something else if your erection flags. It might even come back up.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Little confused.... Are you saying that you couldn't keep an erection or that your couldn't orgasm?

Sounds like you handled it perfectly, which ever issue it was. You brought it up, you expressed how you felt, and you gave her the opportunity to express herself too.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

How did your wife react when you couldnt perform. Thats the most important thing.

men are not machines.

a loving understanding wife is the most important thing when problems occur.
same other way ariund too.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: What is happening*



norajane said:


> Look for the usual sources first...medications you are taking, get your blood pressure checked, stress at work or otherwise, etc.
> 
> And if your main concern is really your wife's pleasure, there is always oral sex, manual stimulation, and vibrators/other toys. Your erection is not the only way you can give her lots and LOTS of pleasure. Do something else if your erection flags. It might even come back up.


When she went into bedroom...i started massaging her back (she was layinh on her **stomach**and as i was massaging her, got aroused and an erection very quickly.. I started getting into having our pleasure together and thats when she got me off...but i was hoping i wouldnt get off that quick. ...then we we waited a few mins ...i told her lay on her back....we started out fine and after a few mins...thats when the problem started happening...i would be ok for a minute and then i woulf start losing the erection.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

She to help clarify...im the one who has the higher sex drive...and she knows that i always want to have *fun sex* and *love making* with her


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Whats i get her satisfied...im gonna tell her...i want her satisfied before me...im happy that way.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP

based on your other thread, and based on your young age, I think what is happening is 100% psychological. as I saqid you have something (TBD) on your mind. something regarding her values vs yours, your communication with her, your understanding of her commitment to you, whether she has ever/would ever cheat on you....perhaps. something important like that is bothering you....causing significant anxeity for you in the bedroom. IMO


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: What is happening*



nuclearnightmare said:


> OP
> 
> based on your other thread, and based on your young age, I think what is happening is 100% psychological. as I saqid you have something (TBD) on your mind. something regarding her values vs yours, your communication with her, your understanding of her commitment to you, whether she has ever/would ever cheat on you....perhaps. something important like that is bothering you....causing significant anxeity for you in the bedroom. IMO


That is a very good point....i didnt think it that way....u just might be right...cause last night when we finally went to bed....she said that i was being *clingy*


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Which i did research on it and i have to really create some changes. *for the better*


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lordfire00 said:


> When she went into bedroom...i started massaging her back (she was layinh on her **stomach**and as i was massaging her, got aroused and an erection very quickly.. * I started getting into having our pleasure together and thats when she got me off...but i was hoping i wouldnt get off that quick. ...then we we waited a few mins ...i told her lay on her back....we started out fine and after a few mins...thats when the problem started happening...i would be ok for a minute and then i woulf start losing the erection.*


So you had already had one orgasm, and your problem is when you try to have a second erection only a few minutes after your orgasm.

There is something called a refractory period. It can take some time for a second erection, if you can even have a second one. And even if you can, the second erection is likely to be less hard and harder to maintain. That's a normal part of getting older - most men can't have multiple erections in one session once they are out of their 20's.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: What is happening*



norajane said:


> So you had already had one orgasm, and your problem is when you try to have a second erection only a few minutes after your orgasm.
> 
> There is something called a refractory period. It can take some time for a second erection, if you can even have a second one. And even if you can, the second erection is likely to be less hard and harder to maintain. That's a normal part of getting older - most men can't have multiple erections in one session once they are out of their 20's.


So basically...i have to make sure that she has an orgasm first. I have no problem with this at all,.. But i think it coild be psycjological also...i can usually hold an erection the second time around when we do it like this...i just cant always orgasm the second time around.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, you will have to learn to accommodate your natural refractory period, whatever that means to you and your wife.

But talk to her first. She might not need or want or care about a second orgasm, or a second erection.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

This happens to me from time to time and the key is to not let it get to you. I know the issue is in my head and if I give in to the bad feeling about it. Well it 100 time worst. I tell my wife how it makes me feel and I move on to loving her a different way. Often when my mind is distracted with that I rise to occasion.
If you come to the conclusion that it is more then you mind scr*wing with you, you should see a Dr.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Understood...im going to take it one step at a time....this has happened before...it just bothers me when it does...but at least i told my wife that i felt bad i couldnt bring her to orgasm last night.... But hopefully she will be in the mood to try again...and im going to make it real fun,.so that she does orgasm first


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Status update....its been like 3 days...no porn (totally banned it).. No masturbation....i Attempted some sexual penetration with wife...just to see what would happen...i would start to slightly get erect and then fail... According to reading ive done...i guess i exhaustrd my system totally..


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## ohiodude (Jan 25, 2012)

You're upset because you couldn't pop a second one off in a row at age 36? 
Wait until you're MY age (52.) I remember doing two in my 20's and 30's from time to time, but now one is it (and appreciated!)
Enjoy what you've got!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening lordfire00
A lot of problems like this can be caused by stress - over the problem.

I think the best you can do is try to not worry about it. Do other sexual things for her. There is a very good chance that if you stop being stressed over this, it will go away by itself.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Well ive taken steps to naturally repair the stupid damage i did...i feel my sex drive starting to turn back on..and erections are starting to slowly come back. I know u guys think im stressing over this....but for a guy like me that loves to have sex with his woman and usually has a really high sex drive and is very sexually attracted to his wife (me) ....this can be frustrating. I told like an hr ago....shes the only arousal i want and need from now on...she is my porn...nothimh but the best.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

All these suggestions im taking in....relaxation....meditation..absinence (with a little retraining assistance from the wife)….. Research of natural foods to help heal any damage and speed up recovery....and one of the best things i could do....not look at porn anymore....whats interesting is this is somehow helping me become alot closer with my wife..im pretty much telling her everything on my mind. Including the fact that i told her shes the only type of porn i need and the only way for sexual satisfaction,,.its like....im stating to get the juice to tell her anything on my mind....and u know something....im finding it to actuallly be arousing....that is strange...


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