# What is sex...



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

This is really silly so bear with me.

Let me figure out how to ask this properly.... :scratchhead:

If I perform what we call sex with my wife and....
She doesn't turn me down although within her she doesn't want to - she's only doing it because she looks at it as a duty.
There is no touching from her, no enthusiasm, no foreplay, no kissing, basically no interaction, no connection..
She hopes within her that i finish quickly then she jumps up quickly when we (I) are done.

So what do you call this. We technically had sex. But I am the only one who did something. It wasn't an involved act. It was one sided. 

Is it that "I F#@$&# her" ..."blanked her." Forgive me for my words. - don't want to offend anyone.

I know you can make love to someone - so could this be "making sex to someone"...lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why don't you leave her? Why put up with this?


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Have you been peeping through my windows?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Youre not alone. Youre a bit lucky that at least she considers it a duty and fulfills it . Has she always been like this? If not you have to consider why she has changed.


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

Monty4321 said:


> This is really silly so bear with me.
> 
> Let me figure out how to ask this properly.... :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


I could easily have written the same thing. You are definitely not alone. I'm fighting to figure out what the hell is going on with her. She just won't open up and tell me what is going on. I am frustrated and hurt.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

As a woman, I "could" do the same thing for my husband, but I choose not to.

Sometimes it is better to not have sex at all... and work on the problems than it is to give duty sex. Personal preference.

If you don't like how it makes you feel, you do have the choice of not even asking her. I hope you find out what the issues are.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I have no advice, but I am sorry Monty, you sound like a good guy and your wife is hurting you


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't have any advice just to say I'm sorry too. That's not the way it's supposed to be.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

This is something that has always confused me. If you have a spouse that is joyless about sex and views it as an obligation, why do you do it? You often hear stories about spouses delaying going to bed or pretending to fall asleep just to avoid sex and for me that would eventually kill any sexual interest I had in that person.

No doubt the sexless partner is building up resentment and or a growing temptation to use sex as a means of control, but either way, it has to gradually destroy your own sense of self worth.

There must be no sense of satisfaction beyond the orgasm and as such I rather masturbate and or divorce.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Monty ~

I've seen a number of your threads over the last few days, but I'm not sure that I have much of a feel yet as to what is going on in your relationship - other than what isn't going on, I mean. 

You've mentioned that your wife has "sexual issues in her past". Whether that's abuse or poor relationships, did she ever do any 'work' to try and overcome whatever these issues are?

What is your relationship like outside of the bedroom? I think I saw you mention in one thread that she is sometimes depressed and goes to the doctor. Is she on anti-depressant medications at all? Does she do any therapy? Does she exercise/walk on a daily basis?

Do you have kids? Ages? Does she work outside the home?

What kind of BC does she use?

You mentioned you are Christian. Have you talked with your pastor about marriage counseling, or looked in to any kind of marriage enrichment programs that your church may have?

And, the biggest question - is your wife willing to work with you on this? If not, why not?

Does she acknowledge this is an issue for you, or is she not able to see past her own issues at this point? If so, is she willing to work on her own issues?

Best wishes.


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