# Advice Needed



## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

Hello,
Been looking on this forum for awhile thought I would seek some advice.
I'm 48 my wife is 40 we have been married for 17 years so far.
to make a long story short last year at this time my wife went to dinner with an old work friend (guy). She Lied about who it was.
I never had a problem with her going out with friends before I trusted her completely. 
Our marriage has had its ups and downs as all marriages have but never any infidelity or reason to believe there was.
After this dinner she became infatuated with this guy and of course I didn't know at the time after about two weeks of texting this guy she finally told me that she wanted a divorce and told me about this guy as far as I know she didn't sleep with him just dinner that one night and texting talking on the phone. I didn't take it to well and fell into a deep depression and did all the wrong things begging, crying etc. We tried to work it out but she just couldn't get this guy out of her head so finally after about 4 months she finally filed for divorce. When the divorce was almost final she decided to stay with me. (we were always in the same house except for a week).
our relationship since then has been OK except for one thing there is no intimacy between us now. she blames it on us not having any privacy (we have a 3 yr old child that sleeps on the same bed) the thing is during all the problems she was more then willing to sleep with me she went out of her way to find time and places to do it but now nothing. she will not even kiss me or tell me she loves me unless I make the first move. 

I believe she is with me because of our financial situation and maybe because of our children also have a 17 yr old child.
I monitor her pone and Facebook as much as I can I haven't found anything to make me believe she is still seeing that guy.
I just cant figure out what the problem is. 
Any advice will be appreciated.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

More info needed. When she filed for divorce, I assume she left the house ? Did she sleep with him during this time ? How did she break things off with him when she came back ? Or did he dump her ?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sorry your life has come to this....

She was willing to sleep with you during the 'problem' because she was thinking of the other guy (sorry). Actually pretty common dynamics when someone is wrapped up in an EA. The attention she was receiving from him made her feel good about herself and aroused her, and since he wasn't there you filled in. 

But now....he is out of the picture, and for her it's back to the same old same old. That probably depresses her, for a bit she felt hot and wanted, and now she thinks she will never feel that again.

Maybe try some marriage counseling and also get the three year old out of your bed.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You may want to ask to move this to "coping with infidelity" section. A moderator can do that for you if you send them a message - amplexor, deejo, coffee amore.

It sounds like the other man dumped her, got cold feet, didn't want to leave his wife/family, just wanted some a$$ on the side.

She's now returned home to you -- her Plan B -- and isn't happy her champagne dreams and cavier wishes didn't work out.

Questions for you - did you do any investigation into the depth of her affair? Was she given any consequences or was the whole situation swept under the rug? Are you happy she has returned home? Because here is the thing. If she wasn't given any consequences and you are letting her dictate the situation, then she has actually lost respect for you. Which means it's just a matter of time until the next meathead comes along and catches your wife's eye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Here's some advice for you right now. You are in what is called reconciliation. This rarely works but sometimes it does. I'm glad you're here now.

If you are going to create love again then several things need to happen. You need to start spending an absolute minimum of 15 hours a week together. That means no kids, no tv, no movies, none of that. This is time you spend together. Studies have shown that this is the minimum amount of time to create love again.

Your trust is broken. It will never be fixed completely but it has to be repaired. Since you seem to want to reconcile you need to tell her that you need full access to her phone, passwords on the internet, and everything. If you ask to see her phone she hands it to you immediately. Not after going through it and deleting the things she doesn't want you to see. You do these things as well.

Tell her that you are committed to saving your marriage but only if she does it as well.

Then apply some dread. Separate your finances. You control your own money and she controls hers.

Get yourself into the Coping With Infidelity section NOW. There will be many questions. When you can post more. WAY more. We need details over there.

I'm sorry you're here.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

I actually stayed with my mom for one week. as far as i know she saw this guy 3 times once when she first went to dinner with him the first time which was on a Wednesday night.
Second time supposedly went to a night club that Saturday night After picking a fight with me and saying she was going to stay the weekend with her 22 yr old daughter. 
That Saturday morning is when she told me she wanted a divorce.
She actually admitted to me that this guy was influencing her decision that Sunday morning. and that also this guy was going through a divorce. After this I installed a key logger on the computer and found out her Facebook and phone passwords and started checking. 
The third time was in March when she finally filed for the divorce and I was at my moms.
Went to a club with 22 yr old daughter and met him there.
Those are the only three times I know that they were together.
So between the middle of November until the beginning of March she tried to work it out with me but supposedly couldn't get this guy out of her mind. In those months she contacted him about 4 times and each time I would catch her and things would blow up.
After the last time she saw him that's when she decided she didn't want to be with him but with me. She told me she told him she was going to work it out with me but I dont know for sure.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

I don't believe she slept with this guy her phone records and the tracking I did on her pretty much matched with her story, but I really don't know


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

What steps have you taken to see if the marriage is still viable? MC? Couples programs? Church counseling? Books? 

What real commitment has she made to rejoin the marriage? Just moving back in?

What were you boundaries to let her back?


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

no steps, just back together like nothing happened.
Every time I try to bring things up like our intimacy or her feeling for me she says I'm stupid and that shes with me isn't she.
I just don't know what to do about anything I know I love her still and love my family I'm torn between just giving up or just letting things go.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What does your adult daughter say about all this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Marty, really sorry to have you here. I hate to say this, but I think that you became plan B. He was definitely plan A (and may still be in in her mind). However, plan A did not work out for whatever reasons in her thinking, and so she came back to plan B. The problem with plan B is that it is there as a fallback, not for the thrills and buzz etc. but more for stability and continuity.

Not a good place to be. She needs to really come to her senses and you need to not accept what she is doing now.

First of all you need to get to the truth about why she did not continue with him and then, why she really came back to you. If this is anything short of she realised how good you are and how she is really in love with you, and is willing to do some heavy lifting to show you how much she is in love with you, then you need to seriously consider moving on from this.


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## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

"Every time I try to bring things up like our intimacy or her feeling for me she says I'm stupid and that shes with me isn't she."
Yikes!!!! I don't like that response AT ALL. Big red flags here still. So I'm assuming HE broke it off with her so she is now back with you to save face. Hmmmm. The night she went out night clubbing with him and said she was staying at her daughters for the night? I'm sorry but this cannot be true. She obviously stayed the night with him.... I'm hoping for your sake that i am wrong. I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

marty lucero said:


> no steps, just back together like nothing happened.
> Every time I try to bring things up like our intimacy or her feeling for me she says I'm stupid and that shes with me isn't she.
> I just don't know what to do about anything I know I love her still and love my family I'm torn between just giving up or just letting things go.


There lies your problem. You know what you want out of a marriage, but you let someone else tell you what you'll get. That's why she has no respect for you. You don't have the boundaries that tell others you don't need their bs. You need to find out why you're accepting less that you deserve. 

Here, take a look at these ideas. They're commonly recommended here for a reason. You're that reason. See for yourself. 

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

No More MR Nice Guy, Dr Robert Glover

Best


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

thank you for the information


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

marty lucero said:


> she says I'm stupid and that shes with me isn't she.


This really show how unhealthy the dynamics of this marriage is.....You do not want to give up but you must show her you can let her go.

Sorry man but your old lady has your number and knows you ain't going any were and that should scare the hell out of you...

Why?

Because this wife of yours is still on course for more cheating in the future!

Hell my old lady went 5 years before she started screwing around again. Sorry but its just a matter of time.

I'm guessing here but I don't thinkl she learned her lesson.

My advise is that the *both* of you need to sit in front of a lawyer.....#1 your old lady will see you are willing to let her go, #2 it won't be a bed of roses for either of you and #3 the paper work will be started and sitting in a filing cabinet wait for the hammer to fall if sh1t doesn't change.

IDK but I have a feeling that your old lady will welcome this up and coming appointment with said lawyer...at the very least she will "call your bluff"...so now is not the time to bluff!!!!!

I hope after the consultation your old lady sees the seriousness of all of this and starts doing the heavy lifting to keep you around.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

marty lucero said:


> thank you for the information


I hope they will be useful to you.


Marty, 

From your few post, it's apparent that your wife can't see a profitable reason to change. So its left to you. Nothing will change unless you do, it will only get worse.

Here are some other threads you might browse.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Best


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

marty lucero said:


> I didn't take it to well and fell into a deep depression and did all the wrong things begging, crying etc.


Marty,

I'm not all that big of a "Red Pill" guy that thinks you have to be a "man", play your wife, make all the decisions and keep her guessing in order to attract your wife and make her sexually desire you, but........ "begging and crying" is just about the worst thing a man can do as far as making his wife desire him.

You've but yourself in a hole here and you'll have to start digging your way out. 

She probably expected you to blow up when it seemed that she wanted to leave you for another man, but you did the opposite. Either the guy make it clear that it wouldn't work with her (maybe he said he wasn't ready to get serious with anyone yet) or she just realized how illogical and difficult it would be to throw everything away and start over, she decided to play it safe and stay with you. But, she's not happy knowing what she's missing and that she's settling and giving up the chance to live her dreams.

So, you need to start showing her that she's not settling. Tell her to get the 3 year-old out of your bed. If, when you initiate, she accepts most of the time, continue initiating. Try to be more aggressive; the sort of "I want you and I'm going to take you" attitude (of course, if she says "no" respect that). If she rejects you most of the time, stop initiating for a few months. Be more independent, devote more time to what makes you happy. Show her that you have a life without her and that you would make it without her. Be a better man, start working out. Keep monitoring things. Be polite and caring but don't suck up to her needs, refuse to be sh!t tested. Stop whining and complaining. Be decisive. 

If all goes well, she'll be attracted to you again; you'll erase the "crying and begging" image she has of you. Even if she doesn't improve, you'll be happier about yourself. Worst case, you'll be in better shape for the next woman in your life.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

Yes things came to a head tonight I am so fed up with everything I finally called her out on what she is feeling. 
According to her she has still has not decided if she wants to be with me she wants to stay together and see how things go. Still doesn't want to talk about anything wants me to stop pushing things and be content and make it a point to go out alone twice a month. She also told me she doesn't want to go anywhere 
Wants to still be married and relearn to love me. She says I'm different now still very paranoid and not very confident. 
So you guys are exactly right thank you for all your advice time to be a man.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Time to be a whole man. 
Not a jerk. 
Not a passive aggressive a-hole. 
Time to be a leader.

Good luck, Marty


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

So, she wants you to shut up, and await her decision, huh? When you discuss intimacy she calls you "stupid?" She keeps a 3 yr old as a barrier to getting close to you. I hope that kid is yours because 14 yr difference between kids makes even me suspicious. 

I hope you exposed her and her OM to both families, friends, co-workers and clergy. 

She seems like she is not remorseful at all and just wants you to stop asking all these pesky questions and investigating so she can do whatever she wants. 

Also, what is the plan for getting past this mess? Is she willing to go through a marriage program online, such as marriage builders? Go on a marriage retreat? Read books/workbooks, spend 20 hours a week with ONLY you, doing things you both enjoy? 

If not, there is not much you can do alone to salvage this. Sorry.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Do you want to stay in this marriage? Doesn't look like she is that much into you.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

the only thing she's willing to do is spend time alone together. 
the child is mine it's been checked. 
after thinking it over I believe she is with me for financial reasons my 17 you old will be graduating this year so I believe she's waiting for that then will probably ditch me. 
So I believe I should start separating myself from her and hopefully it won't be to painful. 
I know I don't want to lose her but unfortunately I think I have no choice


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Marty,

You can never tell what the future will bring, but you do have a choice to change yourself so you're prepared. 

You might use this list, it can help give you space to work on things.

180 List


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

you have a choice. 

If you do not like it, you change. How would she like it if the roles were reversed.

She blew up the marriage. she is not remorseful. Has she gone to counseling? Has she done anything to show you she is sorry?

has she been tested for stds?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry you here Marty, but you in the right place.

And for the record, you right. She is there for finance.
The guy dumped her man, so she still need your support.

What you need now is a complete changed mindset.
It should be anger at being treated like this after all you have done for her.
See a lawyer and start the 180.
She wants alone time to try to find a replacement after daughter leaves. Beat her to the punch.
Tell her you are NOT putting up with her sh!t another and will be filing. NO, better yet, say nothing, just file.

The Vets here know how to handle this, so pay attention and follow their advise.

Again, sorry you here.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

She said that she couldn't get the OM out of her head and that she wanted a D. Do you really believe that she never got physical with the OM?...

If they really never had sex and she was willing to leave you for him - When she does have sex with this OM, or the next one, she's going to leave so fast it'll make your head spin.

You're trying to hang on to something that no longer exists. If I were you, I'd work on detaching. "Cause this isn't the last time she's go to leave you.

If infidelity plays a part in D proceeding where you live, you should get the proof(And I doubt that it'll be that hard) and file for D on the grounds of infidelity.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Marty, it seems that you now know what happened and what is happening.


For whatever reason, she cheated on you with this "old work friend". This kind of went on for some time (4 months I believe). During this time she slept with him - probably multiple times.

When you discovered and threatened her, her first reaction was to stay with you for financial stability. Hence feeding you all those lines about "wanting to relearn to fall in love with you (ridiculous!)" and "you're still insecure and jealous" and "can't get this guy out of my head" etc. while offering you no intimacy or sex (else she would be cheating on him).

You may be right about waiting till your son graduates and then throwing you to the kerb. She already has your replacement lined up. The affair has gone underground.
So what do you do about this:


First you go into stealth mode. You uncover, gather and secure as much evidence as possible. Weightlifter can help you with this. VARs, key loggers, checking her emails etc.

Then when you have enough information to confirm that it is still on, you blow up the affair through exposure to family, friends and work if need be (is he still working with her ?).

In the meantime you consult an attorney to protect you and yours.

File for divorce and get the proceedings started regardless of anything else (you can always stop the process later if you want to).

And you do the 180 to help yourself heal, get back on the horse and also prepare for the worst.

When you expose you give her the following ultimatum very calmly but firmly: "I am not prepared to tolerate your disrespectful and cheating behaviour so you either end this right now or we have nothing to discuss other than our child". Ending it should include giving you the whole version of the truth, complete transparency to her whereabouts and all forms of communications, writing and sending with you a no contact letter to the other man, informing the other man's wife or girlfriend and generally no going anywhere near him or any toxic friend enablers who may have helped her with this.

Once this is done, you can then make a decision as to whether you want to consider reconciliation or not. In any case, she appears to be a million miles from where she should be.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

There will likely be other OM until you kick her to the curb.

I don't think this will change. No remorse. It is an insult that a H or W becomes plan B. Old reliable. Like an old shoe. What will stop you from filing for a D and decide if you and to R or not. 

Take control, decide if you want to R after she is served. You can decide on R or move to D at any time for any reason if she shows no remorse. Very likely the OM broke up with her. Another OM or this one will be back. Have you exposed OM to his W?


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

the OM was going through a divorce himself at the time seems his wife cheated on him with best friend. I believe my only course of action is to beat her to the divorce


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

marty lucero
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 8

Default Re: Advice Needed
the OM was going through a divorce himself at the time seems his wife cheated on him with best friend. I believe my only course of action is to beat her to the divorce






Good call. And OM is a snake. He hated it when his wife cheated, the skank that she was, but to be 'that person' in another's marriage shows how morally depraved he is. And your wife has proven that she is the problem in your relationship. She will dump you at some time. Pull the first punch and lawyer up


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> marty lucero
> Registered User
> 
> Join Date: Oct 2014
> ...


Of course OP wife is a cheat and liar. So is OM. So I believe that story as far as I can throw zoo monkey sh!t. 

Contact OM wife.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Q tip said:


> Of course OP wife is a cheat and liar. So is OM. So I believe that story as far as I can throw zoo monkey sh!t.
> 
> Contact OM wife.


Q-tip is right.

The fact that OM Is going through a divorce and his wife cheated on him is most likely a big sh!t sandwich that your wife expects you to swallow. Confirm with the wife yourself.

You know how you can tell a cheating spouse is lying? 

Yup you know the answer 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

A cheating spouse often says the cheating partner is getting a divorce as to convince the married spouse not to bother contacting him/her for exposure. As if to say oh well they are divorcing anyway, so I won't bother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For me its all or nothing. I'm not waiting around to be some chicks plan B.

I would start the process and have her served, #1 it shows how confident you are in letting go, #2 it will get her to start second guessing her choices and think twice in what she is losing, #3 it tells her you will not tolorate her emotional torture and are putting a timeline on dealing with her bull crap, and #4 if you decide to withdraw the divorce at least keep the paper work handy so it will always be on the table if sh1t hits the fan again.

Again you can always withdraw the divorce if your wife turns a corner.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

marty lucero said:


> Yes things came to a head tonight I am so fed up with everything I finally called her out on what she is feeling.
> According to her she has still has not decided if she wants to be with me she wants to stay together and see how things go. Still doesn't want to talk about anything wants me to stop pushing things and be content and make it a point to go out alone twice a month. She also told me she doesn't want to go anywhere
> Wants to still be married and relearn to love me. She says I'm different now still very paranoid and not very confident.
> So you guys are exactly right thank you for all your advice time to be a man.


 Look. She's got you tied up in knots giving you breadcrumb here and another over there and what your doing is going after the crumbs and acting grateful. 

There comes a point when you have to draw the line and say enough is enough. She can't make her mind up? The make it for her. Tell her to go be with the guy because if she can't give you 100% like she's supposed to then you wont settle for anything less. She doesn't want to have any intimacy with you, then tell her to bunk out on the couch.

I would file for divorce, have her served at work and that would let her know that her days of taking advantage have come to a halt.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Sorry you are going through this. For the record the chances are your wife slept with him back then.

Whether or not it is still going on is hard to say. Altough you stated you cant find any evidence on her phone or Facebook, it is very possible she has gotten smarter at hiding an affair, and got herself a burner phone. Especially how you state you busted her talking to him a few times she would have worked it out.

Secondly it is obvious that you gave her no consequences of whatsoever for her foul behavour. Rest assured you have lost her respect.

I suggest if you work and support her you stop supporting her. Look after number 1 (You) and seperate any joint finances. 

She is with you for purely financial reasons. Cut her off financially see a lawyer and have an exit plan ready.

Only by her seeing that you are seriously taking action and her behavour wont be tolerated do you have any chance at saving this or saving face in the event of Divorce.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

marty lucero said:


> the only thing she's willing to do is spend time alone together.
> the child is mine it's been checked.
> after thinking it over I believe she is with me for financial reasons my 17 you old will be graduating this year so I believe she's waiting for that then will probably ditch me.
> So I believe I should start separating myself from her and hopefully it won't be to painful.
> I know I don't want to lose her but unfortunately I think I have no choice


So, guard your assets.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

Thank you guys for all your advice.
I have made up my mind to move on with my life with out her I'm just to tired to play her game anymore. I'll be telling her this on Saturday when I get home.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

marty lucero said:


> went to a night club that Saturday night After picking a fight with me and saying she was going to stay the weekend with her 22 yr old daughter.
> That Saturday morning is when she told me she wanted a divorce.
> She actually admitted to me that this guy was influencing her decision that Sunday morning. and that also this guy was going through a divorce.


Well, there you go. She picked the fight so she could sleep with him without guilt (after all, you had been mean to her and fought with her, right?). 

Have you asked his wife yet if they are really divorcing? As you know, CHEATERS LIE.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Good luck Marty sorry it came to this. Your wife has treated you terribly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

yes om and wife divorced


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

marty lucero said:


> I'll be telling her this on Saturday when I get home.


NO! Bad tactics!

The proper way to tell her is to blindside her with divorce papers. 

You should lawyer up before you ever tell her anything, and you should never forewarn your adversary of what you intend to do. 

Lawyer up immediately and make a game plan of how to protect your interests.


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

Yes you are right


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Marty, 

Glad you're taking a stand for what you deserve. What everyone deserves, a spouse who is all in when it comes to a marriage. 

Just one question. Are you prepared for what you will do if she starts begging, pleading and asking for more chances?


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

I don't think that's going to happen. 
It was confirmed by her daughter that my wife is waiting for our 17 year old to graduate then she's going to leave


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

K


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then you have one chance - show her that YOU will leave HER now, when it's not convenient.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Marty

Trust your gut. Your wife is not all in the marriage.

Don't settle for a spouse that is not committed to you or your marriage.

Talk to your lawyer. Come up with a plan.

The "Let Her Go" plan.

Then focus on you and your future. A happy future.

HM


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## marty lucero (Oct 18, 2014)

I have already decided to consult a lawyer about divorce but the wife and I had a discussion Sunday about what's going on with us so she tells me that she isn't attracted to me anymore and is only with me because of our 3 yr old daughter and for financially reasons.
But on the other hand she said we need to spend more time alone and go on dates. She said she doesn't want to leave that she is trying too regain her feelings for me she even went as far as scheduling an appointment with a counselor to see if maybe the counselor can shed some lite on things and get some things off her chest.
She has me confused why would she do all that if she is not attracted too me other then the kids and finance. 
She has a good paying job and it would be a little hard financially but it wouldn't break the bank.
Is she waiting till she actually finds some one to replace me before she decides to leave.?
Has anyone been in a situation like this?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marty lucero said:


> I have already decided to consult a lawyer about divorce but the wife and I had a discussion Sunday about what's going on with us so she tells me that she isn't attracted to me anymore and is only with me because of our 3 yr old daughter and for financially reasons.
> But on the other hand she said we need to spend more time alone and go on dates. She said she doesn't want to leave that she is trying too regain her feelings for me she even went as far as scheduling an appointment with a counselor to see if maybe the counselor can shed some lite on things and get some things off her chest.
> She has me confused why would she do all that if she is not attracted too me other then the kids and finance.
> She has a good paying job and it would be a little hard financially but it wouldn't break the bank.
> ...



Go see a few lawyers do not tell her and serve her at work just for the full effect.
Start going out a few nights a week change the wardrobe and haircut.
Show her YOU are moving on.
It will have an effect.
You can always stop the divorce if things change.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There are several things it could be. Post Natal or Post Partum Depression, another form of depression. Or she could be hoping to get out of the marriage.

Counselling, for you as a couple and for each of you individually will help.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

marty lucero said:


> I have already decided to consult a lawyer about divorce but the wife and I had a discussion Sunday about what's going on with us so she tells me that she isn't attracted to me anymore and is only with me because of our 3 yr old daughter and for financially reasons.
> But on the other hand she said we need to spend more time alone and go on dates. She said she doesn't want to leave that she is trying too regain her feelings for me she even went as far as scheduling an appointment with a counselor to see if maybe the counselor can shed some lite on things and get some things off her chest.
> She has me confused why would she do all that if she is not attracted too me other then the kids and finance.
> She has a good paying job and it would be a little hard financially but it wouldn't break the bank.
> ...


The only reason your wife is staying with you is becuase her exit plan is not ready yet.

Leave now. Just file. You are no longer dealing with a loving spouse your wife has now become the enemy and if threatened you dont let your enemy prepare themselves to attack you do you.

Strike suddenly and swiftly. Sorry you are going through this.


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