# Wife of 5 months, wants to move out of house as we live with my parents.



## Marty9987 (Dec 31, 2013)

Ok here's the basic scenario and ill try and keep this as short as possible.

I meet a girl, who is seperated from current husband and has 2 kids with him. She is living with her mother and her mothers husband. We start dating, and I lived at home with my parents. (Im 32 and she is 25, at the time she was 21 and I was 29ish) I live at home however I stay there because I try to help them financially and with other things that need to be done. 

I get this girl pregnant, and we argue over this. I wasn't sure I could financially support a child but in the same respect didn't want to be a dead beat dad or absent father. She wants to have the child (The fact that I even thought about abortion does still kill me to this day). But I stay with her by her side and I begin to help support her and her other 2 kids. We look at buying a house but then father says that our house is too big for just us...how about you, her and two kids move in. So we do, I spent quite a bit of money on renovating the kids bedrooms and trying to make it as inviting as I can.

Two months later our son is born, then after about a year and a half of living there she starts talking about marriage...not just talking about it but basically pressuring me into getting her a ring..so I did..I bought her a ring even though I had my own doubts on her level of commitment (she was already married once). To me married is a big deal and I wanted to only ever be married forever...and it just seemed with our situation we had a lot of obstacles to over come to get us married. 

So I did it, i bought her a ring..but said we should hold off for a few years until we actually have the wedding. She doesn't want to hold off and she wants to get married in 9 months. She basically guilts me into planning a wedding in 9 months. While were planning our wedding im paying to handle her old marriage, her ex wasn't paying any child support and blah blah blah...so I managed to hire a lawyer to start getting child support from him and to have a set custody..at the time he wasn't all that good of an ex. Then I have to get her divorced and they had a house together that they were both losing anyways..so I offered to pay all the back taxes and the legal bills if he signed over the house. I planned on putting it in both our names but since her credit is screwed I didn't want to put it in hers and then get 6 judgements against it. 

So she gets divorced and 4 months later we get married. I managed to foot the wedding bill and we got married. Even though she kept threatening to call it off on several occasions. 

Now shortly after the wedding my parents are still struggling and im still trying to figure out ways to try and please everybody. My wife says I should just let the house go because "it's just a house". Well its not just a house to me, it was my fathers life. It was some dumpy farm house when he bought it and now its a beautiful location..It sits on a dead end road with no neighbors surrounding by woods and man made ponds..my father has said he wanted the ashes scattered on the pond island. I want to keep the house so one day my son can maybe keep it.

Now obviously living with inlaws is tough, I understand that. Its tough on me too as obviously im always caught in the middle. I understand im going to be caught in the middle. My mother can be very unpleasant and is bothered by the kids because sometimes kids can be kids and be very loud and throw fits etc etc. So my mother gets mad and goes out into the other room and my wife feels shes not wanted there even though nobody has ever said that to her or me. 

She starts hinting at trying to find our own place and said well I can still help my parents financially if we do. She has never had a job when shes been with me, and she really hasn't had a job because she is always taken care of her kids. However she never stayed at home with her last husband and always ran off to her mothers and she does the same exact thing now. I don't force her to stay home or anything but she says she cannot be at the house when im not there even though she would be alone with the kids until around 2:00 when my mother gets home from her job..a few weeks ago my wife and the kids were home and my mother got mad because the dvd player remote was missing...so she was mad and my wife packed up the kids and left the house and she called me saying she can't live there no more...we slept at my office (im self employed) and went back the next day.



I help take care of all of these kids and her and my parents. My one sister lives out of town and isn't around, my older brother is kind of useless and my father has bailed him out over and over, and my other sister died 8-9 years ago. My father plenty of people including all my siblings, relatives and even friends of the family and im the only one that is trying to help him. 

I would like to think I take pretty good care of her, I don't expect much of anything from her really. She does clean up the house however I help as well. She complains about cleaning up after my mother. My mother or father don't really clean up after themselves so she does it. She says she spends her life cleaning up a house she is never at....the realty is that she occassionaly cleans up for a half hour in the morning (tops) and cleans for maybe an hour at the end of the day when im home and I either help her or I watch the children while she does it. 
We both do the dishes, we both do laundry and I generally try to take care of other things after we get the kids to bed. But when I get home its like I can handle the kids myself but she can't do things with the kids that I have no problem doing myself with all of them.

Now she is saying that she is going to find a job and move out on her own and either i can go with her or I can stay there and we can still try and be married. Even though nothing seriously bad has even happened within the past few weeks. What makes it hard for me is either I let her go with my son and the other 2 kids whos life ive been a apart of for 4 years now..or i go and basically stop trying to help my mother and father. 

I have given her and the kids basically everything I can, the kids don't want for nothing and have basically anything a child could want, she has a car that I bought her and I pay for every month..I pay all the bills and let her child support basically go to buying gas so she can bomb around town all day with the kids and buy quick and easy meals on the run for the children because she doesn't want to go home. I pushed her to get her GED and she did and I was so proud of her for that, then she wanted to try and pursue a career in real estate and I set the money aside for that...but she never wanted to sign up. Now she wants to go work some dead end job even though i have offered her several ways to make more money doing less work and still having time with the children (which she wanted). 

Now she wants to get a job and just move out, and probably have her mother watch our kids. I think her family is a horrible influence on the children and her mother is a very irresponsible parent. Even my wife has said that before...and I think just letting her put our children in the care of her mother is a mistake, moving would be pulling the kids out of their school probably and any friends they have. I feel like if I leave with her she will lose her job eventually because her babysitter (mother) is unreliable and im going to be stuck trying to pay for that house as well...and probably lose both. 

Im sorry im rambling but im at my wits end...seriously ive put on 45lbs of weight and have to take blood pressure medicine now because of added stress in my life. 

What do I do? I don't want to lose them and at the very least I don't want to lose my son.

Happy New Year everyone....mines looking GREAT already!!!


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## Marty9987 (Dec 31, 2013)

Also I probably wont reply to anything until the 2nd of January as I won't have much time so im writing it all now. 

I sometimes think I married a basketcase who is just an unstable human being and trying to offer at least some stability, i know its not perfect living with the in laws but i at least thought that the positives outweigh the negatives.

She says I only care about money, which is odd because when I met her I worked a lot more than I do now..I generally dont work weekends so I can be with her and the kids. I don't work too late..maybe 45 hours a week..before I was working 50-60 hours. 

I mean i don't think i even do any of the typical wife complaints..I don't go and have guy nights, ive never cheated, ive always been there, ive helped her family members out quite a bit. 

I just feel like going with her i walking down a disastrous road that could cost me everything ive tried to build for us financially as a family. If i leave and then can't afford the electricty at my office then what do I do? Do i risk everything just to follow her down an emotionally fueled road? Or do I let her go and worry about the kids well being? 

I would talk to some friends about this but seriously they havent been in a situation like this and I never have time to talk to them without the wife or kids being right there.


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## Marty9987 (Dec 31, 2013)

Oh and her reason for wanting to leave is that she has to ship the other two kids away all the time because she doesn't want them at our house..that she is missing their childhood...but when I got with her the kids were going to their fathers every weekend, she complains that when she gets home she always has to clean and not spend time with the children...or that the children bother my mother sometimes she ships them off for that....even though my mother sometimes asks me why she ships them off to the fathers so much....ok thats all for now.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's my thoughts...

You have a whole string of unfortunate events. Most of which came about from bad decisions of yours that you're blaming other people ("she guilted me" was mentioned a few times). It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your own situation. 

Having said that, here's my first thought... I can't blame her for wanting to move out of your parents house. I love my parents, but I doubt I could live with them for more than a month. Grown people need their own space. Living in someone else's house would make me feel like I have no space.

My second thought... You need to do some serious self-exploration about your "White Knight" syndrome. You can't save everyone from everything bad. Why are your parents in a place that they can't afford? Why did you have to be the one to solve their financial issues? Why did you have to walk your wife through her divorce? Why do you have to worry about "saving" her and her other two kids?

Finally, yes, I think your wife has significant issues. She's gone from the father of some of her kids to the father of some more of her kids, and she's on the way to another failed relationship. Has she ever been self-supporting? I bet not; that she moved from her parent's house to her husband's to yours... And you know what? You can't fix that. Except by letting her fall down on her padded princess ass and find out what the "real world" is like.

Anyway, good luck with all that... You've made your bed in life, now it's time to lie in it. You need to decide what's right for you. That may mean deciding whether you're bound to your wife and marriage, or helping your parents. You're 32 years old and taking blood pressure medication... You can't keep blowing in the wind and then stressing out about it. You need to start taking control of your destiny.

C


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## Marty9987 (Dec 31, 2013)

I take full responsibility for my actions, i know that even though she pressured me about marriage and everything along the way that I went along with it. She didn't put a gun to my head..I understand that. Honestly at 30 years old and having plenty of sexual relationships I never got a girl pregnant...and I made the choice to have sex with her and then she became pregnant....but from that point on ive just tried to make her happy and to be a stand up guy. 

Im lying in my bed that I made...and my decesion that im going to have to shortly make is going to create a new bed...Im just not sure what bed I should lie in.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry you are here . I hope u have a happy new year . I know when u get married u have to build a life with a spouse and not your parents . However , ur wife accepted to move in with ur parents , she knew the whole situation , she did not say no i dont want to bring my kids to live with ur parents . I think she did bc she had a plan for u . She already had 2 kids y she did not take birth control until u discuss about having another kid !!? She pressure u to marry her , and u did , she knows she can manipulate u. She is spoiled , she has everything , car , money, etc, ... What ur parents think about the situation? Bc fighting over remote cntl is not serious , there may b something else , like attitude , rude words .... Anyway, she wan to leave maybe she can b close to her friends , and so far i c manipulation in ur wife . I hope u have a happy new year !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

She knows how to pressure you to take responsibility for her desires. 

1) your step children can go but your child should stay.

If she complains about splitting up the brood, tell her that is what happens when people get divorced. 

2) Lose that 45 pounds. Cut out the fat and carbs. You need to be in shape to deal with your life. High blood pressure. Do you smoke or drink?

3) you never go out or do anything for yourself. You need to pursue stuff for yourself. 

4) cut off her money. She wants to drive around wasting expensive gas and eating junk food? Restrict it. 

If she want money, tell her divorce and she live on child support.

5) you have to lead your family since she cannot

6) your parents home is nice, stay there. Sounds like a good environment. But to keep the peace you have to be alpha with everyone

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Call her bluff. She wants to get a job and move out....let her! I bet she never finds a job.

I suspect your mother and father aren't too thrilled with their new daughter in law and it probably shows. 

Have you always been the rescue type of guy? If so, you need to learn to rescue yourself. You sound like a big time enabler and this will get you a whole heap of misery since you have surrounded yourself with adult who can't or won't take care of themselves.

I'd like to cut to the chase and suggest you divorce her and gain custody of your son, but I doubt you're ready for that step just yet.

Make your own decisions. Don't say yes, don't say no, just think on it and decide what you want and what's best for you.

Your parents can't possible be so infirm that they can't take care of their own home physically? They can't clean up after themselves? Set some ground rules about who is responsible for what clean up.

Get your wife a JOB! And stop getting women pregnant especially if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with them!


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Marty9987 said:


> Ok here's the basic scenario and ill try and keep this as short as possible.
> 
> I meet a girl, who is seperated from current husband and has 2 kids with him. She is living with her mother and her mothers husband. We start dating, and I lived at home with my parents. (Im 32 and she is 25, at the time she was 21 and I was 29ish) I live at home however I stay there because I try to help them financially and with other things that need to be done.
> 
> ...


Funny how nobody will tell you the truth...about why would a guy who lives with his parents at 32!! would get a girl pregnant like he's a 15 year old little boy, then have her move into his moms house. God, so many men on this site are such effin losers! classic. gets a girl pregnant, and then think he does her a BIG favor by proposing. Who's doing who a favor? 

My God, unbelievable!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

triggerhappy said:


> Funny how nobody will tell you the truth...about why would a guy who lives with his parents at 32!! would get a girl pregnant like he's a 15 year old little boy, then have her move into his moms house. God, so many men on this site are such effin losers! classic. gets a girl pregnant, and then think he does her a BIG favor by proposing. Who's doing who a favor?
> 
> My God, unbelievable!


That was kind of uncalled for....


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

No, people here pacify these morons, and they need to be told the truth. This site favors stupid men and supports their stupid behavior. How can a 30-something year old man make such stupid decisions and then have the AUDACITY to blame her!? did she force him to come inside of her? No one put a gun to his head to do anything. His lack of backbone is what has put him in this situation. 

I'm amazed by how people just pat each other on the back here all in the name of support. Many people read these forums, and it absolutely sends the wrong message to decent people with real problems that they have no control over, and that they didn't cause.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Have you read the other posts TriggerHappy? I did when I first posted and I didn't notice anyone pacifying the OP or patting him on the back. In fact the first reply kind of calls him out for lacking a backbone.

And his wife does come off as a user, a little immature, and a bit shallow. 

She has no job, lived with her parents, and had two kids. Yes, I'd say he did her a great favor by marrying her and choosing to parent his child and partner with the mother of his child. This man is trying to do the honorable thing by caring for the important people in his life, *not to mention financially support them.*

If he is such a looser why is he financially supporting his wife, his parents, his child and the two children his wife brought into the marriage? That is NOT a looser!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Funny because '30 going on 14' was my first thought as well. But I was just going to move on and not post. There's really no helping a situation like this. The OP would need a certain self reflection that's beyond him.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

When I put up my business at 38, my wife and I made a decision to move back into my parents house to save money and help the business grow. What was supposed to be only a 6-month maximum turned into two years! 

How about that, a 40-year old at his parents' house! Well the house was huge, we had our own kitchen, rooms, bathrooms, and my parents who are retired spent a quarter of the year overseas. So while we didn't have to deal with my parents daily, their presence was always there. I was totally comfortable and so were our kids, but my wife, even if my parents were great with her, was never 100%.

Its not easy living with someone else's parents no matter the situation. I don't blame your wife at all for wanting to leave. You should move out and get your own place and quit being the "White Night" as the previous poster mentioned.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

triggerhappy said:


> No, people here pacify these morons, and they need to be told the truth. This site favors stupid men and supports their stupid behavior. How can a 30-something year old man make such stupid decisions and then have the AUDACITY to blame her!? did she force him to come inside of her? No one put a gun to his head to do anything. His lack of backbone is what has put him in this situation.
> 
> I'm amazed by how people just pat each other on the back here all in the name of support. Many people read these forums, and it absolutely sends the wrong message to decent people with real problems that they have no control over, and that they didn't cause.


But - he's asking for advice now. Tell me, what in everything you just said helps him out NOW?

I do well over six figures, my ex also works, yet we still often rely on her parents to assist with the kids. And we once had to rent their attic for over a year (rent is a relative term here - I gave her the money, she was supposed to give him. I'm almost certain she didn't do so all the time. We had meals together, etc). These things happen. Feel free to tell me my behavior was stupid.

You can help, you can walk on by. Patting yourself on the back for pointing out a decision he made ages ago makes you look like an absolute tool quite frankly.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Caladan is right ! People come here for help and advice. And i dont see that calling people moron does not help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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