# Our vacation... plus his flirtatious friend?



## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Hi y'all,

So my hubby and I have been married 2 years and we've had some issues with jealousy/his flirtatiousness, but they've mostly dissipated and it's not something I think about anymore.

But, we just planned a long weekend in Mexico. He's been a ton of times and I make more than he does, so I told him it'd be my treat (my miles, my hotel points, my cash for all the rest). 

We told our mutual friends here in Austin about it, and one of our good friends, Linda, wants to come. I love her, so I got all excited that we'd make it a group trip and invite more people. 

He is Argentine has a ton of friends who live in Mexcio that are from from his home town. So he started inviting them. But one of them is a girl that used to always make eyes at him and flirt with him in front of me. 

And now, just this Argentine girl and my friend Linda are the ONLY ones who have "signed up" to join us for sure.

So now I'm using all my miles and hotel points (equivalent to $2000) to spend 4 days with a woman who will be flirting with my husband. I told him I wish he'd told me before asking her to come, and I don't know if I'd have a good time with her there. But we haven't spoken since I said that last night.

What do y'all think? Am I overreacting? Thanks :scratchhead:


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I would be pissed. If she flirt I would quite honestly make it clear to her that her behavior is inappropriate and that he is married to you. Then I would chew his ass out in front of everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did he know how you feel about her before he invited her?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Don't let it spoil your vacation. She has no power over you. Just make sure she gets the hint that he's your man now! Get catty if you need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

PBear said:


> Did he know how you feel about her before he invited her?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, he didn't know how I feel about her (and still doesn't know it's because I think she's flirty--I'm afraid that would just allow him to throw the Jealous label at me, yet again). 

But he knows that Argentine women in general make me insecure because he gets flirty around them and Latinas are more flirtatious by nature. I know he'd never cheat on me, but just being in the room with him when he's on flirtatious mode (which he simply labels as being Argentine) makes me feel very down.

Honsetly, I have no desire to go on the vacation if she'll be there.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Tell him. Tell him your feelings. If he throws the jealousy card in your face, then tell him "yes! I am!"

Your feelings are not wrong. They are your feelings. He can't just ignore them. He needs to work together with you to make you feel secure.

Nothing wrong with jealousy! It's a natural emotion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Thanks so much for y'alls replies so far.

The problem is he labels me as Controlling whenever I get jealous (and I haven't in a loooong time, at least a year, I've done a good job of handling it). 

But now, in cases where jealousy is warranted, I always seem to talk myself out of it! :-/ I used to overreact a lot and so now I don't know when to trust my instinct.

Do y'all have tips for discussing an issue that legitimately causes jealousy? Thanks again.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

Does he ever get jealous of you? 

In my situation-my H says he could care less if I flirted with another man. So he thought it was fine to flirt with co-workers.
I've decided it's time to put that to the test 

It sounds very high school but the flirters are always getting the attention-they are used to soaking it up and expecting you to just stand in the background and wait for them to be done. You don't have to be inappropriate but you can start a convo-give a little glance to men when he's around. Maybe he needs to see that you could interest other men and you could have interest in other men-

So he realizes you are not a safe bet that's always standing in the background that he takes for granted.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

_So my hubby and I have been married 2 years and we've had some issues with jealousy/his flirtatiousness, but they've mostly dissipated and it's not something I think about anymore._

Well that's a lie.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> _So my hubby and I have been married 2 years and we've had some issues with jealousy/his flirtatiousness, but they've mostly dissipated and it's not something I think about anymore._
> 
> Well that's a lie.


Um. Nope. Notice I said I said it's "mostly" dissipated, which means it's not totally gone.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Good luck with that. Seems like you still have anxiety about this and my recommendation would be to politely tell everyone no. Sun, fun, cerveza, skin, side glances, Latin tempers....sounds like a problem brewing. 

See half of the problems in relationships are not what people do or don't do, they're what you THINK they did or will do.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

newwife07 said:


> Hi y'all,
> 
> So my hubby and I have been married 2 years and we've had some issues with jealousy/his flirtatiousness, but they've mostly dissipated and it's not something I think about anymore.
> 
> ...


He is a total player and my hero. He is going to Mexico with three hot women!!!! And his wife ( one of the hot women ) is paying for it. Total score.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Actually I don't understand him inviting any one else along. I am old I guess I would want some time in Mexico with my wife. Alone with her. 

I guess if we had to take a couple fo girls with us I would suffer through with it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

he sounds like a reeeeeeeal winner.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

Give her a big hug when you see her, smile at her, tell her how nice it is to have her there and know where she is every minute of the day.

At night, rock your husband's world and the next day brag about it


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

Ohhhh boy! Tee-hee...Y'all are getting the wrong idea. I am the one who invited our friend Linda (she is not "hot", about 100 lbs heavier than me and is just a good person who likes to have fun!). 

And I invited some other friends of ours. Because we're 23! We're both very social and love being in groups. But we also like vacations alone. He's planning 2 weeks in Ausatralia for us for next March.

We spend practically every night alone with each other cuddling and watching tv together, so a weekend with friends is what we both want. Plus we'll be alone in our rental apartment on the beach at night anyway  

I told him to invite his friends along, and I know some of the guys he talked to are considering it. It just happened to be that the one (flirty) girl he knows there signed up right away. 

... Which is why she is no longer coming


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

oh and thanks to alphaomega for that advice on telling him about my feelings... I was honest and it worked like a charm!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

newwife07 said:


> Ohhhh boy! Tee-hee...Y'all are getting the wrong idea. I am the one who invited our friend Linda (she is not "hot", about 100 lbs heavier than me and is just a good person who likes to have fun!).
> 
> And I invited some other friends of ours. Because we're 23! We're both very social and love being in groups. But we also like vacations alone. He's planning 2 weeks in Ausatralia for us for next March.
> 
> ...


Good!


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