# advice



## danyell80 (Apr 20, 2009)

Ive been married two yrs been with my husband 6yrs.make a long story short i got on the computer and went to get on facebook it was logged on his facebook so i looked around on it i found something i wish i wouldnt of! it was a conversation with a girl he knows where he works she is 23 (hes a paramedic gone for four days stays at station)she works at the hospital....in e way he said i had a dream about you and had to take a cold shower she told him well if i was in your bed you wouldnt need to take a cold shower and he told her she needed to wear her hair up it looked good that way and she told him she couldnt wait for more late night chats but next time not so freaky!!! grrr i confronted hinm he said thats what i got for snooping he also text her! had many fights about this!he tells me well call her she is just a friend well after what i read i dont believe that he sai he was joking and thats just how she is i have to know her.i dont think its right he text her he said i missread it but i didnt.he tells me call anyone i work with i havent cheated well i dont think she has any right to text him or him to text her.he just calls me crazy! i told him he needs to stop but...he wont he even lies about texting her sometimes


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please show him some information about emotional affairs and how damaging they can be to a marriage. He may not feel he is in anything problemmatic if it's all chat right now, but it is, and can become worse. Let him know you want the marriage to work but you cannot compete with someone "new" in the excitement area right now--so he needs to stop all contact outside of purely work related stuff. 

Let him know that you understand how fun it can be, but it's too dangerous to "flirt with" if the marriage is important. Try not to fight or attack him on this; he'll just get defensive. Talk more about the value of the marriage and returning some spark to it, and rediscovering that excitement for each other. Best of luck!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

are we to assume that everything else in your marriage is "good" right now. does he have what he would consider just cause to seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere? this could be a symptom of a much deeper issue. i'm not trying to take his side but a mans perspective may help you.

i know of situations where wives/women have "checked out" on the physical and or emotional affection in their marriage. the husbands are seeking affection elsewhere.


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## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

To much time away from home.


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## yazito (Apr 13, 2009)

When I got married my husband's best friend was his ex-friend with benefits. To make it worst his best buddy was and still is her brother. So I decided to keep my enemy close and so you should. Try to talk to him and tell him that you want the arguments to stop. Arrange for a visit at his work place and try to meet her. I know is not going to be nice for you but at least you would get to know who it is and you can judge by her reaction what is the deal between your hubby and her. When I met my hubby's friend she try hard to be liked by me and in return I showed her how close and important my hubby and I where to each other. Try to figure it out and break this connection from within the enemy's territory but keep your distance all the same.


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## danyell80 (Apr 20, 2009)

not everything is good but he aslo talks to another girl online said shes a friend! i do everyhting he wants when it comes to sex i have told him it bothers me there is no reason for him to be doing this.ive asked hjim many times to tell me if hes not happy i'll leave and even have left he kpt texting and calling!


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## danyell80 (Apr 20, 2009)

hes offered me many of times to bring the boys up to work or to get me to get me to come up.


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## danyell80 (Apr 20, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Please show him some information about emotional affairs and how damaging they can be to a marriage. He may not feel he is in anything problemmatic if it's all chat right now, but it is, and can become worse. Let him know you want the marriage to work but you cannot compete with someone "new" in the excitement area right now--so he needs to stop all contact outside of purely work related stuff.
> 
> Let him know that you understand how fun it can be, but it's too dangerous to "flirt with" if the marriage is important. Try not to fight or attack him on this; he'll just get defensive. Talk more about the value of the marriage and returning some spark to it, and rediscovering that excitement for each other. Best of luck!


i sent him some info on it thanks


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## yazito (Apr 13, 2009)

danyell80 said:


> hes offered me many of times to bring the boys up to work or to get me to get me to come up.


 What are you waitting for? I think you should go to the his work place and even have the boys over too. It's like getting to know what you are dealing with. Knowing the way they socialize ,joke and even what they say when they are drunk or acting funny can tell you a lot about whats on a person's head. I know I sound manipulative but if you knew all of all the girls I had to deal with at some point you would understand me . It's not that I got rid of them by annoying him but by being his best friend. Now he is the only guy who brings his wife to the soccer game as well as to the ugly and smelly bar. It might take time but it might be just what you need. To be an extra bit more with him.


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## yazito (Apr 13, 2009)

danyell80 said:


> not everything is good but he aslo talks to another girl online said shes a friend! i do everyhting he wants when it comes to sex i have told him it bothers me there is no reason for him to be doing this.ive asked hjim many times to tell me if hes not happy i'll leave and even have left he kpt texting and calling!


When was the last time that you told him what you wanted? When was the last time that you told him what he needed to do to turn you on?I don't know if Im right but it sounds like you are giving him what you need and might be forgetting you around the way. Why don't you try it for sometime. Tell him what you need, wear that sexy shirt that you used to make his head turn. He might not be texting this girls to have an affair as he says but he could be drawn to their flirtations ways and to their security. You are the best judge of that. If you believe when he says that he has never cheated on you then trust that feeling and try to remedy the problem by other means.


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