# Sex with women in their 50's.



## Kayatzee (Jun 12, 2016)

I am 55 and am married to a woman that is 53 for the past 13 years. Our sex life has been mostly great but since her 50's I have noticed a few things.

For one despite my saying otherwise she doesn't feel sexy. She has gone through menopause and I have always tried to be supportive, I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great but to no avail. 

For a few years now we have had to use lube and it actually bothers her that she needs to, but I don't mind. I still greatly enjoy being intimate when she is for it and I still am quite happy to remove her clothes and underwear as well 

But she doesn't think she is attractive, and I even bought her a $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret as a hint but I don't think she's even used it. Any ideas?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Kayatzee said:


> I am 55 and am married to a woman that is 53 for the past 13 years. Our sex life has been mostly great but since her 50's I have noticed a few things.
> 
> For one despite my saying otherwise she doesn't feel sexy. She has gone through menopause and I have always tried to be supportive, I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great but to no avail.


Have you tried asking her rather than telling her? Does she require sexy undergarments to be attractive? Is it possible you may be telling your wife, you only find her attractive if she wears such things?



Kayatzee said:


> For a few years now we have had to use lube and it actually bothers her that she needs to, but I don't mind. I still greatly enjoy being intimate when she is for it and I still am quite happy to remove her clothes and underwear as well
> 
> But she doesn't think she is attractive, and I even bought her a $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret as a hint but I don't think she's even used it. Any ideas?


Is the $50 gift card a gift for you rather than her?



Kayatzee said:


> Any ideas?


No...

That said I don't know what end state you are after, perhaps you might share exactly what you are hoping for?

Is your desired end state, your wife wearing lingerie in order to satiate your wants or are you seeking something else?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Your approach may lead your wife into thinking that you also think she isn't sexy unless she wears such clothing.

If you want to encourage lingerie you'd be better off, offering to go shopping with her so the both of you can make a day of it trying things and sharing the experience.


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## Kayatzee (Jun 12, 2016)

Personal said:


> Have you tried asking her rather than telling her? Does she require sexy undergarments to be attractive? Is it possible you may be telling your wife, you only find her attractive if she wears such things?


No, I was simply saying as a way to show she still has it.




> Is the $50 gift card a gift for you rather than her?


Considering I bought it for her...isn't it obvious?



> No...
> 
> That said I don't know what end state you are after, perhaps you might share exactly what you are hoping for?
> 
> Is your desired end state, your wife wearing lingerie in order to satiate your wants or are you seeking something else?


I want us to have a great time like we used to.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Kayatzee said:


> No, I was simply saying as a way to show she still has it.


Lost in translation!



Kayatzee said:


> Considering I bought it for her...isn't it obvious?


No it isn't obvious at all.

Lingerie is normally worn for the pleasure of men not the pleasure of women, you understand that right?


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

I am sorry she had this reaction. I think continue to be supportive.

I think the gift certificate is a lovely gift. Victoria's Secret not only sells lingerie but beautiful fragrances and cosmetics. You might like to go with her and choose something together. Don't be upset if she chooses something other than lingerie. 

I don't understand why people always think a man buying lingerie is only doing it for himself. As a woman who buys these items I would love it if my husband bought me lingerie.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

btterflykisses said:


> I don't understand why people always think a man buying lingerie is only doing it for himself. As a woman who buys these items I would love it if my husband bought me lingerie.


Perhaps you missed he following.



Kayatzee said:


> For one despite my saying otherwise *she doesn't feel sexy*.





Kayatzee said:


> I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great *but to no avail*.





Kayatzee said:


> *But she doesn't think she is attractive*, and I even bought her a $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret as a hint but *I don't think she's even used it*. Any ideas?


If Kayatzee's wife was on board with lingerie as a pick me up, she would be putting some on, evidently she isn't! I am encouraging the man to think further.



btterflykisses said:


> I am sorry she had this reaction. I think continue to be supportive.
> 
> I think the gift certificate is a lovely gift. Victoria's Secret not only sells lingerie but beautiful fragrances and cosmetics. *You might like to go with her and choose something together.* Don't be upset if she chooses something other than lingerie.





Personal said:


> Your approach *may* lead your wife into thinking that you also think she isn't sexy unless she wears such clothing.
> 
> *If you want to encourage lingerie you'd be better off, offering to go shopping with her so the both of you can make a day of it trying things and sharing the experience.*


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## mravg2u (Apr 27, 2016)

Personal said:


> Have you tried asking her rather than telling her? Does she require sexy undergarments to be attractive? Is it possible you may be telling your wife, you only find her attractive if she wears such things?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If he is like me, all we want is for our wives to feel beautiful. My wife started to act this way in mid 40s . I always complement her, I only see her beauty she only sees her perceived flaws. She is more modest now than 30 years ago. I would have thought she would be less so. 

She went through menopause early and I am always supportive . We seldom use lube since I always please her first with oral. She is more dry than before before the oral. I like looking at her nude it turns me on. Why are women more modest when they mature? ?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Woman in her 50's here who is past menopause. Yeah!

I sometimes struggle to appreciate my aging body. It isn't something my husband can't have much influence over. Of course my H being complimentary and appreciative of my sexiness/beauty is always welcome, but I have discovered that if I'm feeling lousy about myself his compliments don't penetrate too deeply. On the other side, if I am feeling positive about my body his compliments mean the world to me and make me feel fantastic about myself. 

Like most women, I struggle with body image. I had it tackled but then menopause set in and I noticed little signs here and there of my aging body and it gets me down. I fight it because I hate having a negative feeling about myself. That's the key I think women don't realize. They/we/I get to decide how we feel about ourselves. We can chose to feel good about ourselves and we can chose not to. We can allow society's expectations of youthful body perfection to be the arbiter of how we feel about ourselves or we can learn to ignor those expectations and appreciate our softness, our curves and even the scars that remind us we lived.

@Kayatzee, if previous to menopause your wife felt fairly positive about herself then you have something to focus on with her. You should open up a dialogue with her about her body image. Try to get her to open up to you about how she feels. Lovingly explain to her that you still see the woman you married, that you do not see those flaws that bother her. 

Do not say, *"but I don't mind about that."* because that tells her that you notice those flaws too. You must get her to believe that you see her as beautiful. That when she is dressed up to go out, you are proud this woman is with you. You should even tell her that you notice other men checking her out and you're proud they're noticing your beautiful wife while you're also ready to keep them away.

If your wife used to wear sexy lingerie and stopped after menopause, you should go buy something similar to what she used to wear, but less overtly sexy. Something that covers a little more than what she used to be comfortable showing. My husband recently bought me something that I think I look terrible in so I rarely wear it (it's also really uncomfortable). 

Before your wife will happily wear a sexy get up, she is going to have to *believe that she looks good in it or it simply won't be worn.* this is why you should pick something out that covers a bit more but is in satin or silk with a little lace here and there. The bustier and garters should wait until she feels sexy again

Lube: first of all, switch to using coconut oil as your lube. I've been using it for years now. Grab a heafty amount and spread that all around her vulva during foreplay. Use it on all of her erogenous zones not just inside her vag or just on your penis. Coconut oil as lube can and should be used to facilitate a great massage.

Your wife is adjusting to an aging body. It is very common to be conflicted about the changes. That's why she has to understand and believe that you only see the woman you married and cannot fathom how she doesn't see how beautiful she is.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife is 53, crap 54, still need to celebrate her b-day. 

Get a full length mirror, just caress each other naked. On lube/oil, don't put it on you, apply it to her, it's a good time for some g spot love.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

mravg2u said:


> If he is like me, all we want is for our wives to feel beautiful. My wife started to act this way in mid 40s . I always complement her, I only see her beauty she only sees her perceived flaws. She is more modest now than 30 years ago. I would have thought she would be less so.
> 
> She went through menopause early and I am always supportive . We seldom use lube since I always please her first with oral. She is more dry than before before the oral. I like looking at her nude it turns me on. Why are women more modest when they mature? ?


I completely agree that @Kayatzee wants his wife to feel she is beautiful and I would also be surprised if he didn't think his wife is beautiful.

Unfortunately since she isn't feeling that herself and hasn't taken to the lingerie suggestion a different approach might be better.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

mravg2u said:


> Why are women more modest when they mature? ?


Oh, gee. I dunno.

Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....

Need I say more?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Kayatzee said:


> For a few years now we have had to use lube and it actually bothers her that she needs to, but I don't mind.


I went (briefly!) with a woman who was of the view that if you need to use lube, you shouldn't even be having sex at all. I wonder how prevalent this is?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Vega said:


> Oh, gee. I dunno.
> 
> Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....
> 
> Need I say more?


Or

You could focus on the positive. 

Tearing yourself down by picking apart and dissecting each and every flaw, that most people never notice, is not the way to aging gracefully.

We WILL age. The alternative to aging is death. Aging is a fact of life for all of us lucky enough to be alive. We can be like Eeyore and see only the negative or we can be like Peter Pan and excite ourselves over the positive. Aging is a fact, body image is a choice.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

The lube thing is... well let's just say we would have been better off had we discovered lube before we *had* to use it. Built-in lubrication simply isn't always reliable, and likely led to some experiences that weren't as pleasant (for her) as they could have been, way way back in the day.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Non-sexual compliments might help too. While I agree that it is probably her own body-image problems, you can boost her up in subtle ways too. My H sprinkles compliments into everything.... such as "I love the curve of your neck" during dinner, or "Nice tan line" or "I love your soft, little hands". 

Also, our sexy foreplay begins when we wake up in the morning and never ends. We smile, we kiss, we talk nicely to each other, we touch gently when we walk by, we compliment each other, we show appreciation, we toast different things in our life....and more. 

Like Anon, I am not crazy about this body. H insists that he is tho, so that helps. 

I am 53, H is 59....we both work full time, have a large extended/blended family, we talk alot....and have awesome sex every day and more on weekends. It's doable. Keep trying.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Vega said:


> Oh, gee. I dunno.
> 
> Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....
> 
> Need I say more?


My wife wore a legit biking outfit on the trail today for the first time and looked better than many (most) women half her age. But then, 20 miles at 90F temperature does build up strength... 

Yet she's not modest because she feels bad about her image, she's modest (around me) for fear of giving me "false hopes"  ... 

Sexuality is mental as much as it is physical...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Sawney Beane said:


> I went (briefly!) with a woman who was of the view that if you need to use lube, you shouldn't even be having sex at all. I wonder how prevalent this is?


We bought some coconut oil for DD1's hair and I mentioned the, ehem, off-label application and wifey was stunned that you could use it in this aberration of a use case 😂


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Women don't always get more modest as they age. In my youth, I had a terrible body image, and while I would still never call myself attractive, I don't care much anymore what people think. I just enjoy it for what it gives me and enables me to do.

All this focus on being (appearing!) sexy in this world is IMHO more a curse than a blessing. My strategy is to do my best to live in my body and never mind whether it fits anyone else's ideals. If they don't like it, they can go look at someone else.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

always_alone said:


> My strategy is to do my best to live in my body


Confidence is sexy.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Or
> 
> You could focus on the positive.
> 
> ...


Maybe Peter Pan was always so positive because he didn't age?

:wink2:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Kayatzee said:


> I am 55 and am married to a woman that is 53 for the past 13 years. Our sex life has been mostly great but since her 50's I have noticed a few things.
> 
> For one despite my saying otherwise *she doesn't feel sexy*. She has gone through menopause and I have always tried to be supportive, I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great but to no avail.
> 
> ...


While your wife may be struggling with body issues of getting older, if she does NOT feel sexy then that is the way she feels! If you send her to buy lingerie and tell her she is sexy, she will feel that you are not listening to her and want to use the lingerie to pressure her into being more sexy for YOU. 

You may find it helpful to say, "we are getting older and our bodies are not as young as we used to be, but I still need to feel close to you!" Then have a conversation about how to go about that. Acknowledging that our bodies change and still feeling accepted is an incredibly important thing to experience. Make it a point to ask questions about how your wife feels about YOUR body and compare that to how you feel. If she does not mind the spare tire, THAT is your opportunity to say you feel the same way about her varicose veins (random example), in that they do not bother you any in terms of feeling close to her.

Otherwise, just saying she is "sexy" without taking the time to properly acknowledge getting older comes across as rather insensitive AND as if you just need to use her to get off...

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Maybe Peter Pan was always so positive because he didn't age?
> 
> :wink2:


I chose Peter Pan on purpose. The Broadway play always casts a female as Peter Pan. Peter Pan represents the infinite possible of life that all children believe in...until adulthood slams their little heats against the wall and mashes it into little tiny pieces and then grabs those pieces and tosses them into the microwave and nukes them until they become little dried up shriveled things that smell bad. But I digress. >

Also, Peter Pan was ageless.


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## Kayatzee (Jun 12, 2016)

Thanks. I do things such as try foreplay, kiss her, hold hands, and make food and go on dates. I was thinking about inviting her to go shopping at the mall then say as we pass by it suggest we go into Victoria's Secret and we could both pick out some sexy underwear for her. It's not just for the younger women after all.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

A


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Personal said:


> Lingerie is normally worn for the pleasure of men not the pleasure of women, you understand that right?


I don't know that that's true, my wife likes lingerie and nice underwear, she says it makes her feel sexy. It doesn't do much for me, I just want to get it off. Honestly I think she looks hotter in panties and one of my t-shirts.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

I went thru similar tings back about 5 years ago. Some things I learned:

Don't give her a gift certificate and expect anything to happen. She may be embarrassed by her aging body, and if she uses it at all, it will be a purchase of granny panties. GO WITH HER, POINT OUT stuff YOU like, then have her try them on for fit and to see if she likes them. It takes the "that is too risqué for me" thought out of her head, since you are picking out the things.

After she is schooled on what sizes fit her....go online TOGETHER to some place like adam and eve, and find some fun things.

Telling her she looks sexy does not mean much. Playing with her a lot does convey that message. Like you are passing her in the kitchen, and you momentarily grab her butt! Try giving her a sensuous full body massage, the whole nine yards with the new age music, candles, scented oils. Once again, you are SHOWING her that her body is worth your time. 

She may or may not have fantasies about sex things she would like to try. try asking her what she would like to try. and WHATEVER she says, do not sound surprised. try to fit it in.
good luck


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Making her feel sexy isn't about what she can wear. 

It's about making her feel it in her heart....not giving her something to "cover up" in. Oh....I know, you, and all of us as men.... WE don't see it that way, but she may. She will try on outfits at VS, and probably every damn one of them she will look at herself in the mirror wearing, and find something that is showing, or some way it hangs or clings that SHE feels is accentuating some "flaw" she sees and hates. We see hotness, they see a skimpy outfit that shows her side boob fat, or her stretch marks, or a little cellulite on her azz. 

Give her honest compliments. "Babe...you've got the legs a 20 year old would be jealous of" (or boobs, or skin, or hair, or lips). And reinforce the fact that ALL men can appreciate the beauty and grace that can only come with age. 

She sees herself never having the body again she had at 20, or that other 20 year olds have. I see a body most of those "hot" 20 year olds will kill to have when they're 50. And a way off carrying herself and just overall "impressiveness" no 20 year old has a clue about. 

Making her feel hot has not a thing to do with what she's wearing, or what sexy stuff you can gift her to wear. 

Try this....next time (and many times thereafter). she's nude and getting dressed, or coming out of shower, just sit back and look at her. Watch her. Oh....she'll eventually notice and protest. "I'm fat". "I'm this or that, stop looking at me!" Tell her "too bad, you're sexy and turning me the hell on, I enjoy looking at you and I will look at my woman and appreciate how fortunate I am to have you naked and in front of me." Follow it up with a kiss, an azz slap, and tell her "you're sexy as hell", and then leave the room and do not even try to initiate sex. Let her know you appreciate her and her body and can tell her so without her thinking you're only doing it to get laid. 

It's not about manipulating her. It is about allowing her to realize you really do see her that way, and are not just horny and looking to get some. That will mean you may have to walk around with an unresolved woodie every now and then. So be it. As long as you pursue her sexually "enough", you do not have to (and should not) pursue her sexually all the time if she is to believe you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Kayatzee said:


> I am 55 and am married to a woman that is 53 for the past 13 years. Our sex life has been mostly great but since her 50's I have noticed a few things.
> 
> For one despite my saying otherwise she doesn't feel sexy. She has gone through menopause and I have always tried to be supportive, I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great but to no avail.
> 
> ...






Kayatzee said:


> Thanks. I do things such as try foreplay, kiss her, hold hands, and make food and go on dates. I was thinking about inviting her to go shopping at the mall then say as *we pass by it suggest we go into Victoria's Secret and we could both pick out some sexy underwear for her. It's not just for the younger women after all.*


*BADSANTAS PUA MOVE #4768*

OK, I notice you seem rather obsessed with you wife buying some underwear from Victoria Secret. It is like you bought a $50 ticket to the show, and you are eagerly waiting for Elvis to show up and do his thing. 

...so here is what you do. You have to show her that you are SERIOUS and that you MEAN BUSINESS about her getting some new underwear. Empty out ALL her underwear one day from her closet/drawers while she is in the shower. When she goes to get dressed, she will freak out about not being able to find any underwear and having to go commando. When she comes to you asking what happened to her cloths, you don't say anything. You smile confidently and hand her a sexy thong. Then walk away as if nothing and ask her if she wants a coffee or something... she will be like, "_what!_" ...you tell her that she needs a coffee to get psyched up because as soon as she puts on that new thong, she better be ready to be chased like Wile E Coyote chases the Road Runner, but you will be nice, make her a coffee and give her a five minute head start! 

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Vega said:


> Oh, gee. I dunno.
> 
> Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....
> 
> Need I say more?


All that plus the fact that "youth" is considered beautiful, at least in my culture (US). Though I feel that's changing some as our population ages.

Anyhow - speaking of menopause and thinning skin - I just went through it and my OBGYN told me that the skin in the vagina things with age as well. Intercourse can become quite painful for a lot of women, even with a lot of lube. 

I have not had any new trouble with dryness (I've always needed lube - so it's not a change) but I definitely noticed the pain from skin thinning. There are hormone treatments for this but my Dr. also saaid if you don't use it you lose it... The vagina basically atrophies. The opening gets smaller and smaller so intercourse is more painful and the clitoris shrinks so sex doesn't feel as good. 

To the OP: You might ask your wife if she's having any discomfort. Also, for many women the sex drive reduces with menopause so it may not be that she doesn't feel like she is sexy as much as she doesn't feel like having sex.

My husband regularly tells me I'm cuter now than when we met and he seems to genuinely mean it. You might also try giving her genuine compliments at neutral times when the compliment can soak in and does not come off like an attempt to get sex from her.

If she is self conscious about her body, opt for candle light in a dark room to set a mood. My H always wants the lights on. I'm not too self conscious about my body, but glaring lights are not at all romantic/sexy to me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Kayatzee said:


> Thanks. I do things such as try foreplay, kiss her, hold hands, and make food and go on dates. I was thinking about inviting her to go shopping at the mall then say as we pass by it suggest we go into Victoria's Secret and we could both pick out some sexy underwear for her. It's not just for the younger women after all.



You try foreplay? Dude, by now if you're still trying you're doing it wrong. Don't just kiss her, grab her from behind, wrap your arms around her stomach then kiss and lick her neck, the walk away. No groping, no suggestions of later. Just walk away. Grab her in a hug then stand back while still holding her spins, spin her like you're dancing, then take her into a dip and...kiss her neck. 

Do not take her to Victoria's Secret. Buy her something you think SHE would like, not what you would like. Your goal is for HER to feel sexy, not for you to get a boner. Buy her a pretty silk nightie, buy her sarin camisole and matching pajama shorts. Those items say sexy without saying fvck me. Those items will help her feel sexy so that she will start to see herself in more of the fvck me outfits. One step at a time.

Don't go to Victoria Secret either, go to a nice department store, save Victoria secret for when she starts to feel sexy again.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

RainbowBrite said:


> Before you do anything, it might be a good idea for you to read up on what happens to a woman's body at menopause.


"No, It's Not Hot In Here, A Husbands Guide to Menopause" by Dìck Roth helped me immensely.

That and talk, a lot, and then more! Because it's new to her too. And think about being a hormonal teenager, but now in reverse.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

What AP said.

OP whether intentionally or not, you come across as this being all about you and not her. Menopause does not have to be the end of a great sex life and IME it can get even better with the proviso that it is part of a loving and healthy relationship. 49 here, post menopause, no lube required, no hormone therapy, lots of sex but all in the context of a great relationship with a man that is amazing in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

I love lingerie but TBH if he made it more important than me, the person wearing it, then it would be a big downer. At this age lingerie can empower or undermine a woman. I would stop pushing for the lingerie for now and really think about whether she is happy in the relationship and with the sex that you do have.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

My wife (64) see's lingerie as a clown suit anymore... it would be unwise to even press the issue when she can see what little it takes to motivate me without it.

Coconut oil and time spent playing, before, during, and after.

Learned about the CO here not but a month ago, a small jar of it is now part of our travel kit, and she packs it. 

Good stuff for massages and teasing...

Really good stuff...

Time to start flirting...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Do not take her to Victoria's Secret. Buy her something you think SHE would like, not what you would like. Your goal is for HER to feel sexy, not for you to get a boner. Buy her a pretty silk nightie, buy her sarin camisole and matching pajama shorts. Those items say sexy without saying fvck me. Those items will help her feel sexy so that she will start to see herself in more of the fvck me outfits. One step at a time.


You can also work on yourself....

Go from this:










to this:










and take her out looking like this:











Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Ah yes. Victoria's Secret with the young, flawless models all over the place. I can't imagine why a 50-something year old woman would feel uncomfortable in there..........I'm 32 and I can barely walk by the store. Where I live, the store is always filled with teens/20 somethings.

There are so many other places to get nice lingerie that don't have blown up posters of 98 lb super models all over the place. Literally every section of VS is covered with a model with the bra/panty/lingerie on. So, you go up to a panty drawer and as you're looking through, this VS secret model poster is staring at you, basically saying "You have to have a flawless @ss if you want these panties to look good." I mean, cellulite doesn't look good in "cheekies".

Department stores have nice selections, without rubbing it in your face that you're not 24 with a tight @ss anymore. Fredricks of Hollywood used to have decent stuff. Adam and eve has good stuff too. Ordering online might be less intimidating than going to the store. 

But if lingerie isn't her thing, it isn't her thing and you can't make it her thing.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I'm 57 my wife is 54. 
She likes a good haircut & a shave. Then I do some (a lot) oral on her. It's the best lube we've found.:smile2:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@badsanta,

The handlebar mustache....that's a big Hell No! The beard, needs to be trimmed closer to the skin. What the hell is with the lumberjack/Scottish highlander look now a days. It is not a good thing.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> @badsanta,
> 
> The handlebar mustache....that's a big Hell No! The beard, needs to be trimmed closer to the skin. What the hell is with the lumberjack/Scottish highlander look now a days. It is not a good thing.


 @Anon Pink

Your right! I forgot to mention a critical aspect... This will DRASTICALLY change your mind, here you go:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@badsanta

I never thought of that! 

Still, it's a horrible look and even the free rides won't make it look any better.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Vega said:


> Oh, gee. I dunno.
> 
> Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....
> 
> Need I say more?



After all those faults, her husband stills wants her and makes it clear that he still wants her. Male psychology says there shouldn't be a problem. Women are different. A guy can have all of those negative features you mentioned in your post above (with the addition of sagging scrotum) and you would never hear him say he doesn't feel sexy enough to have sex with his wife even if she had a high sex drive. That's what the OP is having a hard time understanding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I've heard that sex at 50 is great......but at 65, you better pull off to the side of the road.:grin2:


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## mravg2u (Apr 27, 2016)

Vega said:


> Oh, gee. I dunno.
> 
> Wrinkles, cellulite, muffin top, sagging breasts, turkey neck, grey hair growing in places it wasn't growing _before_ a certain age, thinner skin, bags under eyes, some extra weight such as on her arms, back fat....
> 
> Need I say more?


I like crows feet, sagging breasts are beautiful , sagging is natural and sexy. All you mentioned I enjoy, I love mature women. I do not see what you are seeing as women do. Do women see their men's age the same way?


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

donny64 said:


> Making her feel sexy isn't about what she can wear.
> 
> Try this....next time (and many times thereafter). she's nude and getting dressed, or coming out of shower, just sit back and look at her. Watch her. Oh....she'll eventually notice and protest. "I'm fat". "I'm this or that, stop looking at me!" Tell her "too bad, you're sexy and turning me the hell on, I enjoy looking at you and I will look at my woman and appreciate how fortunate I am to have you naked and in front of me." Follow it up with a kiss, an azz slap, and tell her "you're sexy as hell", and then leave the room *and do not even try to initiate sex*. Let her know you appreciate her and her body and can tell her so without her thinking you're only doing it to get laid.


If more men did this, there would be no LD women...


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

mravg2u said:


> I like crows feet, sagging breasts are beautiful , sagging is natural and sexy. All you mentioned I enjoy, I love mature women. I do not see what you are seeing as women do. *Do women see their men's age the same way*?


Society doesn't see men in the same way. Society _value's_ youth especially youthful _women_; smooth skin, taught tummies, round buttocks. 

How many porn magazines are circulating with pictures of 50+ year old women sporting sagging breasts and stretch marks? (Playboy: The "Platinum" Edition?!)

It's a shame that more men (and women) don't share your point of view. This world would probably be a better place if they did...


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Vega said:


> Society doesn't see men in the same way. Society _value's_ youth especially youthful _women_; smooth skin, taught tummies, round buttocks.
> 
> How many porn magazines are circulating with pictures of 50+ year old women sporting sagging breasts and stretch marks? (Playboy: The "Platinum" Edition?!)
> 
> It's a shame that more men (and women) don't share your point of view. This world would probably be a better place if they did...


My husband likes mature ladies in porn and anyone who has looked at a regular run of the mill porn site will see plenty of ladies all ages, shapes and sizes. Breast size and shape are very varied. I have never seen playboy but I consider that a very outdated projection of male sexuality and sexual fantasies. I think porn producers have progressed from one size fits all. 

We got married very young and I had an amazing body (I didn't appreciate it though). Now I am middle-aged and have had 2 children - sex and attraction between us both is stronger than ever. Sexuality between a couple who love and respect each other goes beyond the superficial status of being an ideal. Being physically attractive at the beginning of a relationship is one thing, but when you have been married a while it really needs something of more substance to keep sex going. 

However, finding out what the thing of substance is - is not so simple because we are all different and all have different ideas of what 'sexy' is. That is why as we age we should have developed the knack of being able to tap into our partners sexuality rather than make assumptions based on other people's desires. I have been massively guilty of falling into this trap.

Hope that makes some sense.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> My husband likes mature ladies in porn and anyone who has looked at a regular run of the mill porn site will see plenty of ladies all ages, shapes and sizes. Breast size and shape are very varied. I have never seen playboy but I consider that a very outdated projection of male sexuality and sexual fantasies. I think porn producers have progressed from one size fits all.
> 
> We got married very young and I had an amazing body (I didn't appreciate it though). Now I am middle-aged and have had 2 children - sex and attraction between us both is stronger than ever. Sexuality between a couple who love and respect each other goes beyond the superficial status of being an ideal. Being physically attractive at the beginning of a relationship is one thing, but when you have been married a while it really needs something of more substance to keep sex going.
> 
> ...



Could not agree with you more!

Also tapping into mature sexuality is _way more erotic_ than youthful-bunny-rabbit-hormonal-jack-hammer sexuality. 

If I'm looking for porn, I know all the young, skinny, perky, round butt focussed porn is all disturbingly fake and it honestly does NOTHING for me.

It is all about "genuine context!"

Badsanta


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## mravg2u (Apr 27, 2016)

If I compare my body today to what I looked like in my 20s I would prefer to look that way again. I like looking at younger bodies male or female, so does my wife.

She looks as do I, but to be honest I do not want a hot 20 year old woman, I like the 40 plus look and experience. My wife at 40 was comfortable with herself. Now 15 years later she does not feel the same. She looks nearly the same. It is all in her head that she is not attractive. 

I have a few more lbs but still not bad for 62 and she tells me I look good. I am not obese nor is she. We do not look much different than 20 years ago, maybe more grey and some sagging. But I still lust for her. I just wish she could see herself like I do.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm a little young for this discussion, as I am 47 and my wife is 43. She has not been through menopause yet. It's interesting reading this discussion, and especially experience from women who and men who are living with the changes.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Kayatzee said:


> I am 55 and am married to a woman that is 53 for the past 13 years. Our sex life has been mostly great but since her 50's I have noticed a few things.
> 
> For one despite my saying otherwise she doesn't feel sexy. She has gone through menopause and I have always tried to be supportive, I tell her to wear sexy undergarments, and that she looks great but to no avail.
> 
> ...


Just a suggestion. Rather than try and attempt to make her feel sexy with underwear or verbal reassurance about her appearance you may want to communicate your own sexual fantasies in a really fun way. One thing that makes me feel very sexy, is when my husband describes his fantasies that involve me. It takes a lot of confidence and vulnerability to do that (which is sexy) and takes the focus away from appearances or dressing up. It blew me away when he did that... :smile2:


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