# Looking for kindle



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

In 9 days, I will have been married to my wife for 18 years. A lot has transpired in that time, kids, college, deaths, work, etc. In the past few years my wife has grown increasingly more distant from me. After the birth of our first child, who is now 17...EEEK, she became more of a mother and less of a wife. The trend only continued with the subsequent births of additional children. I am now 40 and feel more alone than I ever have in my life. I am "busy with business" and have hobbies in my life, but I have absolutely no connection with my wife. She is currently facebooking or cell phoning all day, and apparently hasn't much time for me. We have little sex, perhaps 6 or so times per month and enjoy no activities together. I have tried to connect with her but attempts are typically disasterous. I would like to try to cement some sort of bond between us before our marriage completely disolves, but I don't know how to do this. She is currently going to a counselor, and per her request I met with him as well. He wasn't really that interested in me. I am not saying I don't have problems, I am saying that for the most part I am a well adapted and healthy adult. He agreed. I enjoyed the hour I spent with him however, I felt talking with someone was very cathartic. I would like for my relationship to be better with my wife. I would like to have a better relationship with God as well. I just don't know how to do the first, and that inability is getting in the way with the second, which is causing a lot of turmoil in my life. Even though I have darkly toyed with the option, I could never actually pull the trigger on a divorce. My wife knows this, and I think it allows her a false security in maintaining this broken relationship, or perhaps her overall actions are just an indication of how little she actually cares for our union/me. On paper I am a good looking, educated, quasi successful professional i.e. low 6 figures. With what she brings to the table, she would have a hard/impossible time trading up, so I can't understand her lack of motivation to "fix" this. From my vantage she seems to be going through some sort of midlife crisis. I think the prospect of turning 40 bothers her greatly. Maybe she is looking back on her life and wishing she accomplished more. Who is to say, like I said she really doesn't say a whole lot to me. Anyway, how do you find some "kindle" to start the fires of love again? What do you begin with? I tried a week of the "Love Dare" book and it was a friggin train wreck. I've tried talking to her. Doesn't work. I've tried pleading. Doesn't work. I've tried ultimatums. Really pisses her off and doesn't work. I guess I'd have to follow through. Currently, I am just trying to reassure her that I love her, but there are only so many times one can say "Good night, I love you" and not hear anything back. She is obviously bitter, and I know she doesn't like where we live, city wise. Our house is nice, but it's not enough. It never seems to be with her. She won't consider even begining school to finish her masters degree. She's "not ready". I already work long days in our clinic, and I have nothing more to give from a work standpoint. I feel if we had goals as a couple we could accomplish a lot, but it would take work on both of our parts and she won't go there. I am miserable, and I feel alone. An affair is not an option, as I value honor over happiness. Am I missing something? I am tired of reading marriage books. Am I wrong, is divorce really the solution? Help.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Is your wife also clueless about what is wrong with the marriage? It sounds pretty typical of a long term marriage. I also have changed into a mother immediately after giving birth. It is still my primary role in my life to be a mother. Since my hubby has refused the duties of raising our kids, I have to consume most of my time to the kids. I admit I have built up a lot of resentment and I can't seem to unwind and pretend like I am a dutiful wife. Have you tried to just ask your wife what she needs from you? It just sounds like you are in a little rut. It also sounds like the stage before an affair which leads to a divorce. So be careful. Good luck.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Individual but no marriage counseling?

Is she interested in making things better in your opinion? It doesn't sound like it from your post.

I am currently separated from my H. We've been married for 24 years. He is a great guy. We are both good people. I was depressed for several years. He is a happy go lucky guy and very active (road racing). We were also very active with your kids throughout their lives (now 15 and 20). You lose pieces of your marriage along the way, if you aren't careful. We did.

He doesn't like conflict and I see him as emotionally shallow, so uttering the words "I am no longer in love with you" was difficult for him. This happened in Oct. 08 when the stock market fell (he's a financial advisor). It was enough momentum to say these words. His attitude turned from positive to negative in days. A few months later he was uttering the word "divorce" in our marriage counseling sessions.

I have thankfully worked through my depression. It's such a selfish disease. However, I feel like I showed up the the game too late and the buzzer sounded. Now what.

I don't want a divorce and have done everything in my power to stop it. I suggested a separation and he agreed. We are now separated for almost one month.

My goal for separation is reconciliation and not divorce. A better marriage for us, if it works out. I can't force his decision though. He needs to work this out, on his own, and see what he can sort out. 

I tell you my story in that perhaps separation would "shake up" your marriage. Separate not as a step toward divorce but a step toward reconciliation. It seems that you have tried everything as well. There are some good books out there that I would recommend. Both are Christian authors. 

Dr. Dobsons's When Love Must be Tough
Gary Chapman Hope for the Separated


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I'm surprised that the therapist isn't interested in seeing you both at the same time so she can be confronted with her inability to make changes in her life.

She sounds depressed, quite honestly.

If she's bitter, do you know why? Were you not there when she needed you earlier in the marriage?


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

dobo said:


> I'm surprised that the therapist isn't interested in seeing you both at the same time so she can be confronted with her inability to make changes in her life.
> 
> She sounds depressed, quite honestly.
> 
> If she's bitter, do you know why? Were you not there when she needed you earlier in the marriage?


Actually, her therapist did say that he would like to meet with us a couple. He mentioned though that he would like to see her again before he did. I was quite agreeable to this, as I would really like to restore some quality back into our marriage. I want to see her commit more to our relationship. So far in her life she has largely depended on other people for everything. First her parents and now me. I would like to see her develop as a human being both emotionally and spiritually. I would also like to see her expend some energy "courting me". I have given a lot, and at this point it is hard for me to tell if I really matter to her, or if I am just a friggin pay check. She says she is done "supporting me as a wife." She just doesn't "do that anymore." I have tried to explain to her that going to war with your husband is a whole lot like cutting your nose off to spite your face. Creating distance between us only leads to a less satisfying relationship for us both. I know I haven't been the most attentive husband, but from my point of view, I have been neglected need wise for the duration of our marriage. Once she got pregnant with our first, it was if I was "bought and paid for." I won't consider separation. Maybe it is ignorance on my part, but if I leave, I will leave. I would hate for it to come to that though, but the prospect is looking better every day. It may not be healthy to expect another person to bring you happiness, but I think it is a fair expectation that they also should not create a lot of misery for you either.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Check out the books that I've recommended...they are an easy read.

Is she depressed? Maybe an identity crisis? I was a stay at home mom for 15 years and understand how you can neglect yourself for the needs of others. It's almost a hyperfocusing on parenting. Breaks down the person and the marriage as well.

With this marital crisis and separation it has shaken me up. I am hoping it's shaking my H around.

You mentioned about not being able to pull the plug with a divorce (previous post). However, now you say "if I leave, I will leave?" What do you mean?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

lastinline said:


> I've tried ultimatums. Really pisses her off and doesn't work. I guess I'd have to follow through.


I'm sorry but I LMAO at that line.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Check out the books that I've recommended...they are an easy read.
> 
> Is she depressed? Maybe an identity crisis? I was a stay at home mom for 15 years and understand how you can neglect yourself for the needs of others. It's almost a hyperfocusing on parenting. Breaks down the person and the marriage as well.
> 
> ...


Basically, that at some point if she decides she isn't going to "pony up" and change, that status quo will be "no mo". Forgive me, I'm not an attorney, so I really shouldn't try to make rhyming arguments. What I am trying to say is that if this is as "good as it gets", and she isn't willing to try for better I will opt for divorce at some point. I want to exhaust every possible idea prior to this, as a solution must be out there. Ideas?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sometimes the only way a person can grow up is by being forced to grow up on their own.

She may really need to go it alone for a while.

If you cut her loose that way, would you consider reuniting afterward? She may not want to if she does OK and survives. But then again, she may want to.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I know you don't like the idea of separation. Hell, I didn't!

The separation will be a wake up call and as dobo said "she may really need to go it alone..."

It is a step of "trying everything" before cutting bait and saying "no mo!"


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Trying to "float" two households would be tight if not impossible without cutting everything in life out that I currently still do enjoy. This means we'd have to sell our house, and in this market we'd take a serious bath. More unneeded financial stress. I also have kids in school, which would seriously "F" them up academically and emotionally. What's the end benefit? My wife gets a growth opportunity. Terrific, but at what cost? I think it would be cheaper to send her peri-menopausal ass to summer camp. Speaking of which, I am currently in the dog house because my oldest is meeting with an army recruiter today. Oops, and I have had the audacity to present myself as a "ridiculously" strong male role model his whole life, leading him to the mistaken notion that he can only please his father/me by following in my foot steps. I believe that's how she explained it to me. Well better my foot steps than hers... friggin hippies. Maybe I can join too. I'll have to go and ask him. I feel like "dropping some ord" this morning. It's been too long. What she fails to understand is that evil exists, and that sometimes controlled violence really is the only answer. The next time you get a chance, thank a soldier for "standing in the gap" so we can all go about our peaceful lives. Other than that my dear leftist wife is so tolerant of everything...well with the exception of me.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

"Well better my foot steps than hers... friggin hippies."

Wow, no wonder you are having problems... such love you show for your wife. With that attitude I wouldn't like you either.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Question lastinline: What does she want? What does she enjoy?

You will never connect to her unless you can answer that.



> I am now 40 and feel more alone than I ever have in my life. I am "busy with business" and have hobbies in my life, but I have absolutely no connection with my wife.


Perhaps you can reassess the choices you have made, and how you balance your own life? It sounds like you want to fit this connection in around your work and hobbies.



> On paper I am a good looking, educated, quasi successful professional i.e. low 6 figures. With what she brings to the table, she would have a hard/impossible time trading up...


Are you serious? "Trading up"? This attitude is extremely denigrating, and shows no respect for her as your wife, or as a person. When I hear something like this, my snap reaction is 'get over yourself'.



> I tried a week of the "Love Dare" book and it was a friggin train wreck.


Really? The first week? If I remember the first week is all very benign. What happened? Was this something the two of you agreed on and tried together, or did you try it on your own?



> I feel if we had goals as a couple we could accomplish a lot,


This sounds very good. How about starting with what her goals are for the two of you, and helping her to meet them?



> I would really like to restore some quality back into our marriage. I want to see her commit more to our relationship.


What does she think about the quality of your marriage? What does she want? 



> I have tried to explain to her that going to war with your husband is a whole lot like cutting your nose off to spite your face.


So is going to war with your wife.



> I think it would be cheaper to send her peri-menopausal ass to summer camp.





> Well better my foot steps than hers... friggin hippies.


More put downs.

It sounds to me like in order to connect with her, you are going to have to work at seeing things from her point of view and not just yours. Don't try to be her coach, or her father, or her caretaker. Try to be her partner, and friend, and lover.

It will take a lot of patience, and work on your part. She isn't going to just open up to you because you ask. Her guard is up. You have to show yourself worthy of being let back in. And to do that, you need to look at yourself from her point of view. You need to understand how she 'keeps score', not how you do. Then you rack up points by playing her game, not yours.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

snix11 said:


> "Well better my foot steps than hers... friggin hippies."
> 
> Wow, no wonder you are having problems... such love you show for your wife. With that attitude I wouldn't like you either.


The problem is you do not actually know my wife. She is a very capable person who has not opted to really do anything with her life. Please can the crap about mother of six, I'm a father of six, and I am very giving with my time, and I have a whole hell of a lot less of it then she does. My "crazed" thought is if you actually love someone like oh I don't know...your son, you encourage him to make educated decisions for himself. This includes decisions you may not necessarily choose for yourself, but then again it's not for you it's for him. So yes, perhaps I was disrespectful in my post towards my wife, but it friggin pisses my off that my "willingness" to let my son speak to an army recruiter is somehow on par with my being an unfit father/bad role model in my wife's eyes. So what did I really do that brought down such scorn? I sat him down last night for a half hour and explained the whole recruiting process to him, what questions to ask regarding his GI bill, when to take his ASVAB, and what to consider when choosing a rate/MOS. Why? Well it must be because I want his legs to be blown off somewhere in the Ural mountains...no that wasn't it. Oh I know, it was because I wanted my son to be the next "holy crusader" in the middle east. No that's not it either. It was because I wanted him to make an educated inquiry into a viable career path. I'm a vet, and I used my GI bill to pay for my undergrad and my first year of medical school. It worked for me, maybe it might work for him. He is 17. I love him, and I love him enough to let him decide for himself. So you tell me Snix, what path would you have him take? The path of self reliance and achievement (mine), or the path of parental reliance and complacency (hers)?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You're getting off track about your son.

Keep your eye on the ball. This isn't about your son. This is about your marriage. Don't get drawn into side-issues.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Question lastinline: What does she want? What does she enjoy?
> 
> You will never connect to her unless you can answer that.
> 
> ...


What does she want? Happiness. She told me so. Well WTF, I would like some of that too. What does she enjoy? Racket ball, vacations, going to the gym, lunches with her friends. Wow, that's nice as well. Count me in.

From my point of view, I can not understand what more she can possibly want. I bust my A$$, and she is never satisfied. "This should be done differently or that." "I need to meet with so and so, or cancel such and such contract." Why does she say these things? It is because I have mistakingly confided in her, and any difficulty I have she uses against me as ammunition. I would like more money as well, but I just opened a second clinic and there is a period before things "pay off". If I didn't work, I'd be righfully dammed as being lazy. Because I do work, I am dammed because in her opinion it is too much. I would rather do what she does. I like being around my house and spending time with my kids, but instead of appreciating my sacrifice for her benefit, she "b!tches". I personally am tired of my job. For what I do and the money I get there is a disconnect. I have friends who work as reps that "do better" than I do. However, all other options require travel, and it is important to me and my kids that I see them daily. So when I read this from you my "snap reaction" is put her a$$ in a class room for 8 years and a clinic. Let her pull friggin long A$$ed work weeks and deal with the internal struggles of trying to help people who are hurt to the best of your ability. Love without sacrifice my dear is not love, it is a friggin catch phrase/bumper sticker. I give my all. It is who I am, other peoples well being depends on it. I can't cut corners. She should respect this, but no she resents it. I RESENT THAT SHE RESENTS IT. 
As for war, I have tried to be a peace maker. God as my witness, the better I treat her the worse she treats me.
Finally, yes more put downs. I am very frustrated. I have done nothing wrong. I have became what I am supposed to be...what society says I am to be...what she originally wanted me to be, and now she can't deal with the realities that go with it. It sucks more from my side then hers, because I am left to do the work. I am negative, because I have been wronged. Maybe for a change of pace she should ask herself what her husband would want from his marriage? Answer: a wife who loves and appreciates him for what he does for her and her family. Is that too much to ask?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Last, I'm going to be honest.

It sounds like you have no respect for your wife. It sounds like you aren't interested in rekindling romance and intimacy, it sounds more like you think that she owes you. 



> Maybe for a change of pace she should ask herself what her husband would want from his marriage? Answer: a wife who loves and appreciates him for what he does for her and her family. Is that too much to ask?


And this is why I ask what she wants. And I mean what she wants in your marriage, not what she does for fun. Because in your book you might be doing everything "right", giving her everything you think she needs. But in her book you aren't scoring the points you think you are. You say "the better you treat her the worse she treats you", but again, how does she see it? If you want to improve things, you need her scorecard.

You have a lot of anger, a lot of resentment. If you want to kindle anything, you are going to have to be willing to let go of that.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Hi, Lastinline. 

It appears you are a *very angry husband*. I think it is because you cannot control your wife. You want her to be and do what you want.

You state "she hasn't done a thing...with her life". Did I quote that right???

Being a mother of SIX (didn't you say before you had FIVE kids?).
After having given you SIX kids, don't you think she deserves raquet ball, days out with the girls? 

I don't know. You state you are wanting to be Godly, to be closer to God, and all, but you don't SOUND like a God driven spouse, Lastinline.

You sound like a spouse who was DRIVEN for YEARS, the kids were being born and raised (while small) and NOW that time has given you a breather at FORTYish, you look around and while you were doing all your HILL CLIMBING and IGNORING your WIFE, SHE made HER life out of self defense, and being lonely FOR YOU.

SHE HAD NO CHOICE, MAN.

NOW, it is your job to RE COURT her, and save the marriage your children were BORN into! It may be harder than managing UP your TWO clinics, and YOUR practice. Much harder. BUT you know WHAT? You work for what you REALLY want.

YOU MAKE CHOICES and now you are going to have to step up to the plate and REBUILD your marriage.

You are MAD because you didn't WATCH your marriage....you let it crumble, Man. That is why you are mad at HER, when you should be MAD at yourself!! OWN UP, dude.

AND I seriously do NOT think you will be able to get your marriage back on track from the high horse you are mounted on! Seriously, man. Seriously. YOU NEED A MIRROR!!!!!!!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Oh, and one LAST thing:

The bigger they are the harder they FALL....and it is so true.

Your fall is that your ego is getting ahead of your intelligence and you are not humble.


*God humbles us ALL in his own time.* Go read about humility and humbleness. You did not make it to the top without YOUR WIFE and God. No man does.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Last, I'm going to be honest.
> 
> It sounds like you have no respect for your wife. It sounds like you aren't interested in rekindling romance and intimacy, it sounds more like you think that she owes you.
> 
> ...


I agree with the basic premise of your post. Sadly, I don't respect her. Sadly, she doesn't respect me. She does owe me, as I owe her. We each have responsibilities to one another. We had decided I am the provider, we had decided she is the nurturer. I provide. She nurtures. Apparently, I don't provide well for her, and she doesn't nurture well for me. There you have it the honest truth...our marriage is in the crapper because neither of us does their job well.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Hi, Lastinline.
> 
> It appears you are a *very angry husband*. I think it is because you cannot control your wife. You want her to be and do what you want.
> 
> ...


You did the math wrong Sandy, and I knew what you meant, so I did not bother to correct you. You didn't count the preschooler when you read my post: 2 in high school, 1 in jr. high, 2 in elementary, and 1 at home. As for "what she deserves", she takes days and weekends for herself frequently. I don't control her. I have never sought to control her. I have always given her free reign. The problem as I see it is that freedom, not my oppressive foot, coupled with distance created from years of distraction in our marriage has lead our union to its' current blessed state. Yes, it is my fault. Yes, it is also her fault. I have offered to simplify my life and go back to the midwest with my family where things are cheaper. The problem is she doesn't want to live in a rural setting. Well the other way costs money, and as we all know money to an extent is time. As for my "high horse", I am nothing special. I do see myself as highly flawed before God. My wife did help me to achieve what I have done, I willfully acknowledge that. The problem is I never really wanted to be what I became, I always wanted to be a writer and a soldier. However, my aspirations were not sufficient for her. I changed the whole course of my life to appease her, and yes in retrospect I feel I missed out on becoming who and what I was truly meant to be. She always wanted to be a mother. She got what she wanted 6 times over. Do you not think I am not mad at myself, Sandy? Please reread my posts in toto, I think it's fairly evident I am pretty friggin mad at everything. I'd go to practice tonight, but the color belts are testing, and I guess that would be selfish after only working a 10 hour shift. I wonder if she found the time to shop for school supplies today?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Hey, I am NOT trying to make you more angry or resentful. You are going to have to OWN your decisions that you made in the course of your life. YES you made decisions based on HER. But you had a choice, maybe you made bad choices, but you chose your path.

I did NOT go to MEDICAL SCHOOL, Last. I was hell bent for it..but you know what I DID instead, and I RUE the day I did.

I QUIT my PATH BECAUSE I had a THIRD baby and my DH just KEPT on course with HIS hell bent rise to the TOP. I cannot dump KIDS, so I CHOSE TO CHANGE MY COURSE in life. 

Do I resent DH for it? YES. 100%. Our marriage suffers from it. But you don't see these things EXCEPT in retrospect. Do WE?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

SHE is not the one in the midlife crisis (well haven't heard from her, so don't know from YOUR posts...)...I think it is you, dear.

Sorry, you ARE of that age when what is behind is as much as what is before.

Tends to make EVERYONE re-evaluate our decisions, goals, mistakes, and suddenly look up and say:

W T F Happened....

Life is what happens when you are planning your life.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

You are having a tough time deciding whether to jump off the cliff or hang on for dear life and HOPE it gets much better.

Damn...don't you HATE these Ys in the road?

I DO! They are AWFUL!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

AND you are fortyish.

Male. 

Wanting good sex from said wife.

She is resentful and not about to give in to it easy, due to issues.

You will do it just to have relief.

You don't want to cheat to get it, either, because you do love her.

You just don't know how to match up the two NEW 18year *older* two of you.

You don't have a naive, young, starry eyed, malleable young girl wife on your hands anymore, you have a woman.

God, those are SOOOO scary to men. 

And you know what women are afraid of...not the man, but a man who does not understand where she is in her head.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> AND you are fortyish.
> 
> Male.
> 
> ...


Wow, Sandy you had it nailed up until the end. I am not "afraid of women." What I desperately want is to have my wife become one and "step up". I want her to develop the ability to find satisfaction in herself, and not hold me up to the impossible Jerry Friggin McGuire standard of "completing her." I don't even know how to begin to do that. Do you? I am going to step out on my branch and speak for myself and dare say I, my fellow men when I say that above all else we want is a stable, rational, loving mate. It's not just about sex, been there done that. It is about the deeper connection, actual intimacy. That is true attraction, That is true desire. That is what we once had. That is what I want back. As for knowing what is in her head, my dear wife is actually quite confused at the moment. Her actions scream that. No, it is not because she may or may not have had an affair. It is because she can't remember where her car keys are. She looses expensive cameras. She can't recollect why she went to a certain store. She sleeps too much. She has a decreased sex drive. She eats comfort foods. Need I go on? I could. Am I concerned? Yes. Will she let me help her? No. So, I get to watch and see what enters into my life next. Fun.
Am I having a mid-life crisis? No, don't think so. Do I have regrets? Yep, and it sounds like we share a lot of the same ones Sandy. I think that's why our posts resonate so much with one another...because we have both been on the other and same sides of the fence.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Your wife sounds depressed.

Buy a book that describes depression and let her see it in herself. Let her identify it. Tell her the book is for you because you think you might be depressed. Don't let her know it is for her.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I have no doubt she is depressed from what is described. You both are at a point where change is happening. 

Change is slippery and the road of your marriage is riddled with stones thrown on it from hurts of living through the last 20 years.

The stones are resentment for paths not taken, things left undone, things said and not apologized for, errors of being human.

The key is forgiveness and finding strength to forge over the next hill.

She needs help, her own help. 

When I am depressed and over stressed: I lose things, I forget things; dh gets so angry when we are on the phone and I can't remember his schedule. I no longer wash the cars, want to go places I used to go...eat food for stress relief and comfort; I don't exercise, I don't do any sewing or gardening; depressed people veg.

Your wife is likely very aware her marriage sucks right now. It does not make her happy either. She knows she must become a person in her own right, and not dependent on you, but a partner with you. She is searching in the DARK, dear Lastinline.

You cannot really help her except to be there, not to run away. 
She has to do the search and find, you have to be loving and kind, and understanding. Not a doormat, but steady and loving.

It is not easy, I said that before. It is harder than anything I know of except raising children. THAT is hard. Marriage is hard. It isn't EASY living with anyone.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

lastinline said:


> The problem is you do not actually know my wife. She is a very capable person who has not opted to really do anything with her life. Please can the crap about mother of six, I'm a father of six, and I am very giving with my time, and I have a whole hell of a lot less of it then she does. My "crazed" thought is if you actually love someone like oh I don't know...your son, you encourage him to make educated decisions for himself. This includes decisions you may not necessarily choose for yourself, but then again it's not for you it's for him. So yes, perhaps I was disrespectful in my post towards my wife, but it friggin pisses my off that my "willingness" to let my son speak to an army recruiter is somehow on par with my being an unfit father/bad role model in my wife's eyes. So what did I really do that brought down such scorn? I sat him down last night for a half hour and explained the whole recruiting process to him, what questions to ask regarding his GI bill, when to take his ASVAB, and what to consider when choosing a rate/MOS. Why? Well it must be because I want his legs to be blown off somewhere in the Ural mountains...no that wasn't it. Oh I know, it was because I wanted my son to be the next "holy crusader" in the middle east. No that's not it either. It was because I wanted him to make an educated inquiry into a viable career path. I'm a vet, and I used my GI bill to pay for my undergrad and my first year of medical school. It worked for me, maybe it might work for him. He is 17. I love him, and I love him enough to let him decide for himself. So you tell me Snix, what path would you have him take? The path of self reliance and achievement (mine), or the path of parental reliance and complacency (hers)?


Is this an example of how your communication or discussion is with your wife? You seem extremely defensive. Is she overly critical?


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