# How would you classify your sex?



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Question for the more active, but would welcome input from anybody who cares to comment.

If you had to think and categorize it, how would you classify your sex, and how much of it falls in each category?

I'll give mine as an example, but you can categorize as you see fit for yours, and tell how much in any way you want.

Mine: Excluding the times that are just intimate touching, or games, the times that I would think of as making love:

Quickie: About 5% of the time
Romantic sex: about 75% of the time
Wildly passionate sex: about 20% of the time.

Wildly passionate sex happens at my wife's initiative in that it starts just like Romantic sex most times, but she is much more passionate and adventurous that time, so I follow the lead.

I'm just curious how others see their sex.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Fun topic!

Quickie: 0%
Romantic Sex: 10%
Wildly Passionate: 90%


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

For us it is probably:

Quickie: 30%
Romantic Sex: 30%
Passionate: 30%
Wildly Passionate: 10%

It also depends on how you define the terms. Romantic to me is an evening that includes things like watching a romantic move naked on the couch together or watching some of our "home videos." Passionate would be cuddling together in the morning that leads to hot sex. Wildly passionate would be when we bring out the toys and play for hours.


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## Spock (Jan 26, 2012)

Quickie: 0%
Romantic Sex: 90%
Wildly Passionate: 10%


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

RG, you and your wife are brave to make sex tapes.

I would never do such a thing. Just don't trust any man that much.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't feel me & my husband has ever done "Quickies" - I don't know that experience at all. 

*Romantic & Sensual *- slow with forplay - 90% of the time.

The *wild passion *ebs & flow....just depends if we are physically HOTTER that night or morning - maybe haven't done it in 2 days or something, and sometimes it doesn't even seem to matter. 95% of the time we orgasm together, we both prefer it that way. 

I would classify a few times as *'Mush bucket*" - we have teared up making love , his tears dripping in my face, just so intense emotionally...then I laugh at how rediculous we are. Emotion overload! 

And sometimes I like to get a little *aggressive *with him, maybe those are the "Wild" times. We have some crazy moments. 

And then we have "*Make up Sex*" , we fight and 99.9 % of the time ...this is our glorious making up...now that seems to have a Level of Passion that is a bit higher. I think it is about getting all those hormones stirred, just ups the arousal for me somehow.... He tells me I like to fight -just so we will have make up sex. Hmmmm... he could be on to something !


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Romantic and passionate 100%! No quickies.

It's the best every time! We can't get wild due to my spine injury, but my hubby is not the wild type. We are very sexually compatible and I think that's very important. We are both greatly satisified. Although, I would like to get a little more adventurous. It will happen. My husband is a little shy in this area(he doesn't want to hurt my feelings). I bring it up and show him the positions I want to try, we'll get there. What we have now is fabulous though. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin what we have. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

There are great responses here. I'm a little intrigued and surprised by the ones who say they never have quickies. I'm not sure if it is symantics or substance, so let me ask a follow up. 

Do you ever have times when there just isn't much time, but you are both amorous? For example, maybe his mother is going to land at the airport in a couple of hours, and you need to get on the way to pick her up, but find you are both in the mood? Or maybe on Sunday morning, you both wake up amorous, but you don't have much time before you have to get the kids ready and get to church? or a work morning? or before friends come over one evening? 

Do you ever have situations like that? How do you handle that? or what would you call that?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> There are great responses here. I'm a little intrigued and surprised by the ones who say they never have quickies. I'm not sure if it is symantics or substance, so let me ask a follow up.
> 
> Do you ever have times when there just isn't much time, but you are both amorous? For example, maybe his mother is going to land at the airport in a couple of hours, and you need to get on the way to pick her up, but find you are both in the mood? Or maybe on Sunday morning, you both wake up amorous, but you don't have much time before you have to get the kids ready and get to church? or a work morning? or before friends come over one evening?
> 
> Do you ever have situations like that? How do you handle that? or what would you call that?


LOL...

We lock our bedroom door and make the world wait until we are finished. We are a pretty laid back family. Sure we have to run the kids to sport and church activities, but if there's no time before hand we will wait until they are home. They are usually home by 7:00pm with activities.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Okay, interesting, so it is a substance answer and not symantics so much, at least in some cases.

Dean, you're probably not as much older than I am as you think. Just to give you an idea, we have 2 kids who have graduated from college, and only one, much younger than his sisters, still at home. 

If I could not have a mix, and had to choose only one of the types I listed in my original post, it would be what I call romantic sex. I love to treat my wife like a princess, or queen - whichever one she wants to be, make her feel special, etc. And honestly, I get more enjoyment from her enjoyment of sex than I do directly from sex. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex directly, but it's just that I enjoy her enjoyment even more.

It's interesting because as we define quickies, my wife will still orgasm, usually twice. Once before I do, and once immediately after I do. When I asked the follow up question, I was wondering if maybe there was a difference in definition that led people to say they didn't do quickies - I wondered if people defined a quickie as when the man gets to orgasm but the wife doesn't get her turn. 

It doesn't happen so much for us, but quickies are a part of our mix.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

shy_guy said:


> Do you ever have times when there just isn't much time, but you are both amorous?


Oh yes, we have these times.... like when his alarm is set to buzz at 6am for work & I wake up at 5:30, I start touching him (the hand automatically reaches)- and well - he is ready to "roll".... there has been many times we would go at it , half the time we would enjoy ...but take it real slow & we'd decide to "wait" for later that night .... then sometimes we just can't stop - and that alarm was on the verge of going off.

Last week, we didn't beat the alarm, but he wasn't stopping, so we enduring the buzzing for another minute. I guess those are quickies! 

I guess I was thinking crazy stuff like in the car, you have to pull off side of the road and HAVE it right now type thing!

We prefer the waiting / anticipating many times ...cause once he goes, he is out for the count for the rest of the day. We find ourselves saying to each other afterwards (if we jump earlier in the day) something like ....." bummer...the highlight of the day is over"


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

shy_guy said:


> And honestly, I get more enjoyment from her enjoyment of sex than I do directly from sex. That's not to say I don't enjoy sex directly, but it's just that I enjoy her enjoyment even more.


 You call yourself "shy guy"... my husband is also a "shy" man, definitely on the quiet laid back side, more tipped towards the Beta scale for men, he feels EXACTLY as you do, my pleasure is HIS pleasure.. in fact he feels this SO very strongly in this, that if I even gave a hint of not being interested, he would shrivel up. He totally gets off on my pleasure....it fuels the erotic in him. 

Once he was hard up against me, and I told him he could take me sideways... I let him know I didn't think I could "go" again, we just did it the night before...but he wasn't going for it ....... so I rolled over on top of him and he looked really sad, his one eye looked a little moist & he asked me if I was slowing down... said to me "I am only happy if you are happy" .....(for a time I couldn't get enough)... I let him know my mind was still very much in overdrive ! That brought a smile ..... he let me know it will be a very very sad day when that comes to an end. 

I was very touched by that display of emotion from him, that moment cemented it in stone -that MY pleasure truly does "do it" for him, I mean...he NEEDS it somehow. Very unselfish lover. I got to admit, I am alot more selfish than him!! 



> I wondered if people defined a quickie as when the man gets to orgasm but the wife doesn't get her turn.


 For me, I WANT that orgasm! In the past, if he slipped & went before me (rare, he was a master at holding out).... I would get near mad & make him do it again !


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

Quickie: 10%
Romantic Sex: 10%
Wildly Passionate: 90%

And yes, I realize this doesn't add up to 100%.
There's some overlap!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Passionate/erotic/playful: 60%
Quickie: 20%
Romantic: 20%

As already mentioned in this thread, the tease and lead up is what really ignites my husband and makes for the hottest interaction between us. We are not strangers to quickies though - doesn't have to be on our way out or limited time. A flirtation, a touch, then it's on. Those moments can turn into a lustful quickie for us. Romantic is forgetting the time, loving, sensual and appreciative. Not sure I have a favorite. The unexpected variety is exciting. Last night was playfully fun with both of us laughing, and extremely sexy.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

How about f'ing?

Doesn't anyone here f?

You guys are all so pure of heart and mind


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Boring and uneventful.
Quickie 100% of the time


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> How about f'ing?
> 
> Doesn't anyone here f?
> 
> You guys are all so pure of heart and mind


My GF and I are about 75% f'ing, 10% quickies, 10% romantic, 4% wild monkey sex, and 1% "likely to offend most people in this thread".

C


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

Quickie: 25% - always non-ejaculatory
Romantic: 65% - 3/4 of the time non-ejaculatory
Wildly passionate: 10% - almost always ejaculatory

Wife always climaxes, usually twice.


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Wow! No one has listed "routine" as a majority!

Quick 20%
Romantic 70%
Passionate 10%

Wife climaxes 90% of the time; me 100%. And the 10 is only when she doesn't want to.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

C


marriedinpei said:


> Quickie: 25% - always non-ejaculatory
> Romantic: 65% - 3/4 of the time non-ejaculatory
> Wildly passionate: 10% - almost always ejaculatory
> 
> Wife always climaxes, usually twice.


Ejaculatory for her, or for you? According to my math, someone isn't ejaculating 75% of the time... If that's the guy, and she's climaxing twice per session, something seems wrong


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

Ejaculation refers to me - I have a problem with delayed ejaculation - takes me a long time to climax, whether intercourse or masturbation.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> How about f'ing?
> 
> Doesn't anyone here f?
> 
> You guys are all so pure of heart and mind


I was just going to be politically correct and call the f'ing Wildly Passionate. In reality though there is a difference. I agree with whoever said that the Wildly Passionate is when we include the toys and every position in the book, all over the house, that kind of thing. F'ing for us is the hair pulling, spanking, dirty talking stuff. So I'd say for us it's~

Quick 10%
Romantic 40%
Wildly Passionate 50%
F'ing 30%

And again, doesn't equal 100%. Lots of times we start out thinking Quicky so we aren't late for work but end up saying to hell with it and just call in late and it turns into one of the others. Often we start out Romantic and things are just too hot and we say to hell with the niceties and just go at it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think we're boring. 90% of the time it's the same thing, which I guess you'd call romantic. But it's the same way, the same foreplay, etc. The other 10% of the time we might change position or use a toy, and once every 200 or so times we have really wild sex.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

Quickie: 50% (receiving a BJ or HJ, climax for me only)(mostly it is a BJ but I would rather settle for a HJ on certain occasions than for nothing, at all).
Romantic Sex: 40% (giving and receiving oral, intercourse, both climax)
Wildly Passionate: 10% (rougher--lots of gagging, allows me to use fingers while I am performing oral, possible anal, multiple orgasms or at least we both climax, everything else blocked out)

Frequency: About 2 out of 3 nights. I imagine if the frequency was slightly lower that it would alter the percentages with less quickies and wildly passionate sex being higher.

For those having a lot of "wildly passionate" sex, I'd be interested to learn the frequency and what it is that makes it "wildly passionate" rather than simply "romantic."


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Quickie: 50% (receiving a BJ or HJ, climax for me only)(mostly it is a BJ but I would rather settle for a HJ on certain occasions than for nothing, at all).
> Romantic Sex: 40% (giving and receiving oral, intercourse, both climax)
> Wildly Passionate: 10% (rougher--lots of gagging, allows me to use fingers while I am performing oral, possible anal, multiple orgasms or at least we both climax, everything else blocked out)
> 
> ...


I'm not sure I'm one of those who you would classify as higher percentage of wildly passionate, but it's a good question. Our frequency is usually 1 - 3 times/week depending on a lot of things. If it was just a hj or something like that, I didn't count that into any of my percentages. 

Romantic sex for us is slow and affectionate with rising periods of passion. I can only build my wife so far toward orgasm, and then, for her to climax, she has to take control and is rather rough as she finishes building to climax. In romantic sex she will usually orgasm 3 or 4 times. It may involve a few different positions, but usually always will involve a lot of kissing, hugging, gentle sucking of her breasts, some fellatio sometimes, but not always, and always tight embraces at the time either of us orgasms. It's passionate, but gentle.

Wildly passionate (I'm catching my breath before I start writing. I'm writing during my lunch time, and thinking I may have to stop and go home after writing this ... I may not be any good to the company this afternoon ... ): Wildly passionate for us almost always starts with the same gentle foreplay that romantic sex does. The signal for me is that usually right after I make penetration the first time, she breathlessly tells me "You can't sleep tonight." When I hear that, it's time to just hang on for the ride. During the course of one of these sessions, my wife may orgasm 10 - 12 times. She is assertive to the point of being rough.

These times, when I start to suck her nipples, she grabs my head and jams my face into her breasts demanding that I bite them. I have real problems doing this as I don't want to inflict pain, but if I don't bite her hard enough, she demands "Harder" until I get it get to a point to start to satisfy that urge for her. So long as we're in a position where I can reach them, she demands I continue sucking and nipping her nipples. If I need a break (you know, like to breathe for a minute ...) I will pinch her nipples, but I have to do it hard enough to get the pleasure of that pain in her. To raise my excitement, she often reaches down and gets some of her juice and rubs on her nipples, then shoves my face onto it so I can suck them while tasting her juice.

Usually, there is at least one time that she gets up, gets onto my face and just grinds there. I REALLY wish I could get her to orgasm orally, but I can't really give enough with just my face to bring her to orgasm. She is about as rough as I can stand when she does this, and WOW! Do I LOVE THAT!

Sometimes, either when grinding, or when turning around for doggie style, she wants my tongue to go farther back than just her vulva. When I'm this turned on, that's not a problem, so I do that for her, too. It's not humiliation, it passion in both of us ... and the "forbiddenness" of this brings an additional excitement that nothing else does. Sometimes, she wants oral when doggie style, too, but she wants it rough and drives her hips back into my face. She also drives her hips into my face when my tongue gets to her anus.

She may kneel on the floor in front of me and want to give oral, but she wants me to grab her head and be forceful with her. Again, I have a little apprehension here because I worry I may hurt her. I get more and more forceful as she demands it (by putting her hands behind my hips and pulling me into her, or slapping my butt) while listening for any signal that it may be enough.

Sometimes, she gets into 69 and switches back and forth to grinding on my face, wanting my tongue behind her vulva, or sucking me so hard that it pushes me to the border of what is pleasant and what isn't. 

When doggie style, she wants me to slap her butt, call her dirty names, and pull her hair, and she wants me to be rough. I grab the front of her hip bones and go at her as hard as I can, but it seems like it's barely enough for her. Sometimes, she wants my finger in her butt while I'm getting after her, and that includes in this position ... that's really hard to do in doggie style, but I've managed to figure it out - I just have to wrap my other arm around her front to hold her so I have enough leverage to really thrust. She reacts to the extra pull I have to give her to thrust in this position, and adds some additional force to it.

Sometimes, when in the right position, I get up out of bed while still inside her, carry her into the bathroom and sit her on the bathroom cabinet so she can watch in the mirrors while we go at it passionately. She will usually again push my head down to her nipples and demand I bite them, or she moves just enough that I can, then demands I put a finger or two fingers into her anus, and she wants strong, orchestrated motion with my fingers, too. 

I mentioned that she has to have control when she orgasms. She does this by us being pressed tightly together and her grinding very hard as she builds that last way to climax. On the wildly passionate nights, sometimes she thrusts so hard when she is building to climax that it actually becomes painful to me, but baby, it hurts so good! (Afterwards, I joke that I'm worried she's going to break it off inside her). 

When she's ready to wind it down, she starts demanding that I give her my cum, so I grab her and squeeze her so hard that it feels like I'm squeezing the breath out of her, and I have to thrust with abandon - as hard and fast as I can go and bring myself to orgasm. After I orgasm, she takes control once more and as much as I didn't think she could get any stronger, she does as she grinds and builds herself to one last orgasm, and it usually lasts about twice as long as any of her other orgasms this night or in any other type of session. 

Oh, and she's not exactly quiet on these nights, either ... 

I don't know if that did anything to you, but I may need a cold shower now. Who the heck cares about working now anyway?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I can only think of two types - 
a) when she's into it and b) when she's not.

It varies from month to month, I can't really think to break it down.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> I don't know if that did anything to you, but I may need a cold shower now. Who the heck cares about working now anyway?


Shy Guy...that was poetic and brought a tear to my eye and a tingle to my...

How long have you two been married and has it always been like this? If not, how long did it take for you two to reach this level of intimacy?

I feel like the one barrier I would have to ever duplicating this is that, at least for now, my wife is very sensitive and has one strong orgasm but does not desire more orgasms after that.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

damn, shy guy. you should write smut for a living


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Shy Guy...that was poetic and brought a tear to my eye and a tingle to my...
> 
> How long have you two been married and has it always been like this? If not, how long did it take for you two to reach this level of intimacy?
> 
> I feel like the one barrier I would have to ever duplicating this is that, at least for now, my wife is very sensitive and has one strong orgasm but does not desire more orgasms after that.


We've been married for 27 years. Your other questions made me really think ... 

No, it hasn't always been like that. It is something that has developed over the years. I think we had been married for probably 6 months before we even learned how to make her orgasm. I think it was after our first kid was born that I began to notice a difference in categories of sex, so that takes us to after 2 years married. When she was pregnant with our second child was when she really began to develop a lot of passion in some sessions - she was amorous during that pregnancy. It developed and got better, and the passionate sessions probaby became better defined between 4 and 10 years of marriage. We've had our better, and slower times, but it was probably at about 10 years that they first got to where I described, and there's been some variations appear along the way since that time since there are a few adventures that come up as desirable sometimes, and get added in.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

67flh said:


> damn, shy guy. you should write smut for a living


I'm not sure what you mean. I thought he had a legitimate question, though, and it deserved a straight answer. 

Would there have been a better way to differentiate while leaving no doubt what I meant?


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

Someone asked about f*****g...

The vast majority of our sex (at least 90%) is f*****g.
That's what I thought was implied by "wildly passionate".
This is what I/we most need/enjoy.

I took "romantic" to mean "making love"...
Interestingly, we are very romantic and affectionate most of the time, with the exception of sex. 
Personally I'll taking f*****g over making love any day! And this works for my wife as well.
For us at least, it's just more raw, intense and fulfilling.
To put it another way, it really scratches that itch!

Oh yeah...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

Ok...for all those who are having "wildly passionate" sex...does it include each of the following?

-Anal
-Oral sex with her willing to gag repeatedly and swallowing instead of spitting
-Rough play (hard spanking, slapping, choking or at least pinning or being pinned down while f***ing)

Naturally, what one person finds wildly passionate, another may find ordinary. I guess the three criteria listed above, however, are what I need to push it from "romantic" to "wildly passionate." 

Of course, it doesn't mean that my interpretation is the rule and some may need even more than the above to push it from ordinary to extraordinary. To me, simply having vaginal sex, would not qualify as wildly passionate, no matter at what urgency and intensity it was done.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Ok...for all those who are having "wildly passionate" sex...does it include each of the following?
> 
> -Anal
> -Oral sex with her willing to gag repeatedly and swallowing instead of spitting
> ...


We occasionally include anal, always "enthusiastic" oral that includes swallowing, and usually include rough stuff, but I put this in the f'ing category. I consider wildly passionate when we use toys or lots of different positions or lingerie/costumes, things like that.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> We occasionally include anal, always "enthusiastic" oral that includes swallowing, and usually include rough stuff, but I put this in the f'ing category. I consider wildly passionate when we use toys or lots of different positions or lingerie/costumes, things like that.


I approve. lol 

Just don't want to see those having vanilla sex classifying it as 75% "wildly passionate" and making me jealous when really it is nothing more than vanilla in my book. :scratchhead:


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## derMann (Jan 18, 2012)

Quickie 1%
Romantic Sex 98%
Wild & Passionate 1%


I've been thinking my sex life is a lot like the cars I own (all Fords.)

They always get you there, they go fast enough, but they are not very exciting to drive...


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

The more I read, the more it seems that "Romantic Sex" should be re-titled as "Vanilla Sex." I am not exactly seeing flower petals leading to the bed, chocolate truffles, candlelight and a musical trio playing as others are having their "romantic sex." ;-)


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> -Anal
> -Oral sex with her willing to gag repeatedly and swallowing instead of spitting
> -Rough play (hard spanking, slapping, choking or at least pinning or being pinned down while f***ing)


If this is the definition of *Wildly passionate*....We are completely and utterly vanilla all the time then. I've pinned him down and I swallow..... I wanted him to spank me, that was more of a joke.... my husband is just not the aggressive type, that has to be more on me, or it simply won't happen. Though he does like that- when I get a little rough. 

When I 1st came to TAM, one of my 1st threads was about how to get my husband more aggressive in bed...... I wanted more of that in a bad way.... but I'm not going to change who he is. If anyone has tried...it has surely been me! 

He wants nothing to do with Anal- the most he will do is touch those juices when I am on top -which really heighens the sensations.... I am the one who 1st even suggested Doggie- for goodness sakes. 

Most would likely be bored with our sex life, but I would still classify it "Romantically passionate" and/or "Sensually passionate" - we can scratch the "wildly" definition then....

...Even though we never really got into toys and all the wild stuff, we both are 100% satisfied, and we never seem to get bored, the emotional connection thing is there very strongly...... 

......The only time It seemed to be an issue with me was when....my sex drive was "raging" a couple yrs ago... I was like one of these men on here who complain about thier wives being too boring in bed, that is how I felt about my husband sometimes (or I just wanted more of what we had - he couldn't keep up)......I wanted MORE spice, more excitement, more lust, it was a phase I was going through....but it has passed, I have calmed. 


Some things must be left to fantasy ...for me.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Actually, part of why I didn't try to define categories at the beginning was because I was asking how would YOU classify ... I expected people to have their own classifications and definitions that set the boundaries, and I didn't expect that I had defined all possibilities even in my marriage. I was just as interested to hear those definitions as I was to hear how people classified their sex, though. I don't want anybody to take my definitions and apply it to themselves. Personally, I think if someone says they are having wildly passionate sex, then they are having wildly passionate sex. I'm interested to know what that is for them, but when they're happy, I'm happy.


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## SoCalHubby (Jan 7, 2012)

I guess "wild" and "passionate" are subjective. 

For us there are a few ingredients that make sex especially intense and enjoyable:

1. Various fantasies that we discuss during sex (awesome!)
2. Prolonged oral--each giving and receiving, she cums, I usually prefer to hold out for f*****g.
3. Finger f*****g my wife while she's on her knees sucking my c**k, her 2nd O.
4. F*****g in at least 4-5 different positions before I/we cum
5. Probably the most important ingredients are the level of intensity and raw desire that we both experience, and the profound fulfillment we enjoy!

I'm not saying it's like that every time, but these are the sessions I would describe as intense/passionate. No costumes or scuba gear, but it works for us!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> The more I read, the more it seems that "Romantic Sex" should be re-titled as "Vanilla Sex." I am not exactly seeing flower petals leading to the bed, chocolate truffles, candlelight and a musical trio playing as others are having their "romantic sex." ;-)


No way is Romantic Sex the same as vanilla sex! We consider romantic sex the lasting several hours, full body massages, candles, whisper sweet things in each other's ears sex. The kind where you're right on the edge of a happy ending for sooooo long, but you just don't want it to end.
Maybe that's just us though.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

In defense of the quickie:

Last night we were both really tired, so we used one of our favorite positions for such times. She lies on her back on the bed with the Liberator wedge under her hips. She then puts her legs on my shoulders as I stand at the edge of the bed. She uses a vibrator on her clit (I love the view). It only took us about 15 minutes but she had a HUGE orgasm (and so did I). It was a quickie but I must say that it was VERY passionate!! If we would have said, "it is just too late" we would have missed an awesome sexual experience with each other.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I equated Romantic sex to making lurrrve. Candles, more sensual, usually involves massage to begin, that kind of thing. No dirty talking or role-playing or kink, simply the two of us exploring and cherishing. The type of experience where I have been known to shed a tear because of the intense emotions/or hormones. It's where we hold each other very close and tight. For us this type of intimacy would likely be an all-night deal. I certainly wouldn't categorize this as vanilla though.

Instead of "wildly passionate" I said "passionate/erotic/playful" .....encompasses various factors. I don't think there's need to expand on this. Everyone has their own idea of what this is to them. 

If I'd answered this question 16 years ago, the answer would be different. And no doubt our "majority" style will change again.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I equated Romantic sex to making lurrrve. Candles, more sensual, usually involves massage to begin, that kind of thing. No dirty talking or role-playing or kink, simply the two of us exploring and cherishing. The type of experience where I have been known to shed a tear because of the intense emotions/or hormones. It's where we hold each other very close and tight. For us this type of intimacy would likely be an all-night deal. I certainly wouldn't categorize this as vanilla though.
> 
> Instead of "wildly passionate" I said "passionate/erotic/playful" .....encompasses various factors. I don't think there's need to expand on this. Everyone has their own idea of what this is to them.
> 
> If I'd answered this question 16 years ago, the answer would be different. And no doubt our "majority" style will change again.


:iagree:

Yep...that would be romantic sex to us too!! But (just thought of this) it could also be spending the day together going to antique shops with her dressed in short shorts. There is much touching, passionate kissing (I will try to catch her in a room with no one else around), etc. By the time we get home, we tear each others clothes off!!!

Camping is very romantic to us too. Nothing like being in nature to get the juices flowing!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Dean* said:


> If your husband has got you so worked up that you can no longer take it,
> you demand to be taken. While being taken, you dig your nails into his back and start screaming while having a very intense "O"...........your having Wild Passionate sex.
> 
> Strong feelings and Passion go together. Also requires having a very intense "O".


... Oh I demand to be "taken" alright. There likely is not too many on this forum that is a bigger sex hound than me -ha ha , so he must be doing something right !! I told him the other day he runneth my cup over , sometimes when I am cumming, I tell him to "plow me", we always sigh afterwards ...cause if we had our way..... we'd go on & on & on & never get a damn thing done all day.... but some things are just too heavenly to contain. 



heartsbeating said:


> The type of experience where I have been known to shed a tear because of the intense emotions/or hormones. It's where we hold each other very close and tight. For us this type of intimacy would likely be an all-night deal. I certainly wouldn't categorize this as vanilla though.


 I like your thoughts here.... others may call it vanilla but , for us, it really isn't.... because the term "vanilla" implies it is "lacking" somehow -and for us....this is just not the case .... no matter how many times we do the same darn thing, we still get excited for it -for each other, it kind of amazes me in a way. 

I would call the experience ....."*life giving*".... and afterwards, we lay in each others arms, there is such a comfort there, such thankfulness for this gift we have been given, how deeply we touch each others souls- in this experiece of Love making.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Hypothetical? Is that a category?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ lol. you're awesome.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

The ladies are MUCH better at describing romantic than I am. No surprise, right? It's very good for me to see that and think about that.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

Nonexistent.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> ... no matter how many times we do the same darn thing, we still get excited for it -for each other, it kind of amazes me in a way.
> 
> I would call the experience ....."*life giving*".... and afterwards, we lay in each others arms, there is such a comfort there, such thankfulness for this gift we have been given, how deeply we touch each others souls- in this experiece of Love making.


Damn. That's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. Makes me realize how much I'm missing out on. I'm glad for you. And incredibly sad for me. 

Please cherish every moment of sweet lovemaking you have with the love of your life.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hurtnohio said:


> Damn. That's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. Makes me realize how much I'm missing out on. I'm glad for you. And incredibly sad for me.
> 
> Please cherish every moment of sweet lovemaking you have with the love of your life.


And you know what Hurtnohio, I say this with all seriousness, my heart cries for those of you on here in a sexless marraige or anything even remotely close to that (not sure of your story).... quite frankly , all refusers in my opionion -well I wouldn't sound too ladylike to really say what I think on here. 

I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course. 

It near angers me to read such stories. 

Sex is beautiful, it is meant to be shared & enjoyed. Anything less , in my opionion, is abuse. 

I may sound inspirational when I post, cause I feel what I say very strongly... BUT I also know...if he didn't fullfill me - this was missing from our marriage.... I would likely be a B***h , so yeah, Sex is a huge thing , it can bring unspeakable happiness to some of us. 

I realize I could be any one of you on here -- and be walking in other shoes. I wouldn't handle it at all well. I simply know ME all too well.

WHatever you are going through right now - I wish Hope for you & your wife, good things ahead.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And you know what Hurtnohio, I say this with all seriousness, my heart cries for those of you on here in a sexless marraige or anything even remotely close to that (not sure of your story).... quite frankly , all refusers in my opionion -well I wouldn't sound too ladylike to really say what I think on here.
> 
> I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course.
> 
> ...


My story is long and complicated.  I've always believed that sex is more than just a physical act (an odd belief for a guy to have!) and that it is truly meant to be a beautiful fusing of two souls into one. 

At least, I believed that until marriage. In my case, it hasn't worked out that way. I've spilled a lot of 1's and 0's here detailing my story so I won't bore everybody here again. For several years I consoled myself by telling myself nobody really liked sex, that it was overrated, and that sexless marriage was the norm. I'd get angry when I was around couples who were all lovey-dovey because it reminded me of what I was missing out on.

I originally came to this forum to try to see what I was doing wrong and for advice. I've come to believe that my wife may have some serious mental issues, so I spend a lot of time on a support forum for family members of people with Borderline Personality Disorder. While I originally came here for advice on conflict, I also look under this particular category occasionally.

You post was a perfect summary of what I've always believed sex should be. I'm glad that at least someone is experiencing the "life-giving" beauty that should characterize all married sex. Do not take each other for granted! What you and your husband have is too precious and rare.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't mean to side-track, shy_guy I hope you don't mind me asking this on your thread but how would you all "classify" vanilla sex? Kind of funny that vanilla sex is referred to as vanilla sex seeing as vanilla is said to have aphrodisiac properties... but anyway, I'm curious.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

100% quickies
0% romantic sex
0% wild sex



very sad isn't it.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Monty4321 said:


> 100% quickies
> 0% romantic sex
> 0% wild sex
> 
> ...


No..it gets sadder...

No Sex: 90%

Boring Sex : 5%

Bad Sex: 5%


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I don't mean to side-track, shy_guy I hope you don't mind me asking this on your thread but how would you all "classify" vanilla sex? Kind of funny that vanilla sex is referred to as vanilla sex seeing as vanilla is said to have aphrodisiac properties... but anyway, I'm curious.


Good question. I don't think I've ever thought of sex as vanilla before this thread. But thinking through different periods of our marriage, I suppose I would call vanilla sex what may happen when we got so busy or worked so hard that neither of us had much energy. I think in those times we got into a routine where there was little time or lead-up to sex, little foreplay if any, and basically just the energy needed to orgasm, then go to sleep - not much variety and not much intimacy, but also not the quick excitement of what I called a "quickie."

We've had a few periods of our marriage where we had that for weeks at a time. Thankfully, it hasn't been for a while, though.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Lol! Great topic!

Is there a category for...

"you have 10 minutes....let's get ths over with already".

Sadly....that's my previous life.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Actually, I was thinking what other flavours it comes in. Anyone tried banana???


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, *it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love *than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course.
> 
> It near angers me to read such stories.


I know this isn't the topic of the thread, but this made me think back to some hard times in the early years of my marriage.

A person who is not a 'physical touch' person can often suffer just as much from being 'in want' of what they need in the relationship.

I know that after the first year or so of my marriage, I was very, very much 'in want' of things my husband was not able to give me - things like simply paying attention to me more than a football game on TV or off playing on some sport team or another, or things like simply engaging in a conversation or giving me a simple compliment.  It was very disheartening, and almost soul-crushing for me, to remain physically intimate (which I did the whole entire time) while feeling a wide, emotional chasm between us because he simply did not respond to me in the way that I needed.

It is always painful when one is 'in want' whichever way that want is preferred to be manifested.

@OP ~

We change from month to month - based upon what is going on in our lives and our bodies!  Our goal is to connect with sex at least every 3 days, but to be intimate and be affectionate with each other everyday.

So, some months, we may be 10% quickie, 50% romantic, and the remainder wild, and on other months the numbers will rotate and be totally different. We sometimes let the winds of fate and fortune blow us around a bit - sometimes letting a mellow mood prevail, and sometimes not. Just depends - we are not consistent from one month to the next.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> No..it gets sadder...
> 
> No Sex: 90%
> 
> ...



I don't know freakonaleash. I think I got you beat...

All of our quickies are 100% bad and 100% boring.  How can I make this a sadder face.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Monty4321 said:


> I don't know freakonaleash. I think I got you beat...
> 
> All of our quickies are 100% bad and 100% boring.  How can I make this a sadder face.


Well, at least you get some. I guess. Sounds awful but what I have is awful too. 

My husband told me that "I expect too much" and am "too much effort". Nice. Better to be by myself than have someone watching a clock saying "Are you there yet?"


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, at least you get some. I guess. Sounds awful but what I have is awful too.
> 
> My husband told me that "I expect too much" and am "too much effort". Nice. Better to be by myself than have someone watching a clock saying "Are you there yet?"


Sorry to hear that. I hope things get better. My wife can't wait til I'm done
. I wrote about how a normal session between us is in ""what is sex" I guess yours is similar even though you are female. That really sucks.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Quickies 15%- Like hurry up before work or the kids get up.
Romantic 65%- Movies, Drinks, Kissing, Foreplay, etc
Wild 20%- Same as romantic just add toys her lead.


I'm grateful, but have alot to learn. We've been together for almost 20 years and it's getting harder and harder to keep it 
SPICY!!

When I talk to coworkers they laugh and say "Just wait and see what it is like in 10 more years or 20....lol lol"

I'm not enjoying the aging process much


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

Quickie: About 83% of the time
Romantic sex: about 14% of the time
Wildly passionate sex: about 3% of the time.
And as you might guess this is becoming a problem for me. My hubby and I dated for about ten years and have been married for 6 years. Up until about 3 years ago we didn’t have any issues. My drive was low and he could go for hours. Now my drive is through the roof and he lasts 5 minutes. We’ve talked and even went the Viagra route but as you may have heard Viagra is expensive and kind of kills the spontaneity we both enjoy. I am at a loss and can only hope menopause happens soon so my drive will lessen and we will once again be on the same page sexually.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

lovinmyhubby223 said:


> Quickie: About 83% of the time
> Romantic sex: about 14% of the time
> Wildly passionate sex: about 3% of the time.
> And as you might guess this is becoming a problem for me. My hubby and I dated for about ten years and have been married for 6 years. Up until about 3 years ago we didn’t have any issues. My drive was low and he could go for hours. Now my drive is through the roof and he lasts 5 minutes. We’ve talked and even went the Viagra route but as you may have heard Viagra is expensive and kind of kills the spontaneity we both enjoy. I am at a loss and can only hope menopause happens soon so my drive will lessen and we will once again be on the same page sexually.


Curios and comparing anecdotes from others here ... how old are you, or how old were you when your drive went through the roof?


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> Curios and comparing anecdotes from others here ... how old are you, or how old were you when your drive went through the roof?


I am 42 and my hubby is 48. The quickies started about 3 years ago and my drive has escalated over about the last year.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

lovinmyhubby223 said:


> I am 42 and my hubby is 48. The quickies started about 3 years ago and my drive has escalated over about the last year.


The age where your drive escalated is pretty consistent with the anecdotes from the other ladies I've read who have talked about an escalation. There definitely must be something about the 40's.


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## nightshift (Feb 4, 2012)

Quickie: 0%
Madly passionate: 5%
Same old thing each time: 95%

Yes, it's depressing to even type that. That's why I joined this site.


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> The age where your drive escalated is pretty consistent with the anecdotes from the other ladies I've read who have talked about an escalation. There definitely must be something about the 40's.


And isn’t that a shame because it’s around that same time (late 40’s and 50’s) that men start having issues that cause their drive to decrease. I do understand what’s happening from a woman’s point of view though. Its natures last ditch effort to insure that we procreate. Since most women start menopause in their late 40’s to 50’s.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

lovinmyhubby223 said:


> Quickie: About 83% of the time
> Romantic sex: about 14% of the time
> Wildly passionate sex: about 3% of the time.
> And as you might guess this is becoming a problem for me. My hubby and I dated for about ten years and have been married for 6 years. Up until about 3 years ago we didn’t have any issues. My drive was low and he could go for hours. Now my drive is through the roof and he lasts 5 minutes. We’ve talked and even went the Viagra route but as you may have heard Viagra is expensive and kind of kills the spontaneity we both enjoy. I am at a loss and can only hope menopause happens soon so my drive will lessen and we will once again be on the same page sexually.


Look into some other options, like low dose Cialis. It won't help with the cost (although you can order from overseas), but it should help with the spontaneity.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lovinmyhubby223 said:


> And isn’t that a shame because it’s around that same time (late 40’s and 50’s) that men start having issues that cause their drive to decrease. I do understand what’s happening from a woman’s point of view though. Its natures last ditch effort to insure that we procreate. Since most women start menopause in their late 40’s to 50’s.


I have been more vocal on how this has affected ME personally than likely any woman who graced this forum, I know completely what they mean about that *COUGAR *stage... I've never watched that Cougartown show, but I know I would be completely amused by it . 

When this came upon me.... all I could think is damn... what a cruel Joke this is.... my husband is slowing down and I was just getting started !!! I was very disturbed by this, I did NOT LIKE his sex drive being lower than mine! 

I am sure glad he didn't take some of the stuff that came out of my mouth personal during that time..... I was just trying to express HOW this was affecting me, my brain, my desires.... I suddenly wanted to go back in time something terrible....I was so angry I didn't take advantage of all those wonderul erections when they were so plentiful & easy to be had. I took them all for granted for so many years. I want to scream to all the young women....don't do that !! 

I even told him I could take on 3 men during that time !! He couldn't keep up with me, but he sure tried ! Love him for that, he made the transition for me really enjoyable ....I count it as some of the happiest times we have ever experienced together, even if I was a bit frustrated at times. 

I read a # of books on Hormones, they play a huge role in these things , they almost have us by the balls... this was my absolute favorite one...

Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books

IT explained in detail why women in thier late 30's- early 40's are best sexually matched with younger men -early 20's -- both are in their prime sexually .... Just as younger women (who aren't ragingly lustful generally) are better sexually matched with older men in their 40's -50's -cause they are slowing down...

...... But we can not allow our hormones to define us ...when married ...we need to diligently work through this.... Obviously those other scenerios are a train wreck - with younger women who marry a man 20 yrs older...then when her sex drive goes through the roof in her 40's - he'll be 60, and she will be going out of her living mind wanting someone who can keep up with the passion & lust that she is feeling. 

It doesn't seem to happen to all women though, as many men seem to say on this forum, I think Drugs interfere with much of this. 

I found this explained on the net one time about this phenomenon >>>


> *Balance the seesaw*. When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


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