# any suggestions on how to have an interfaith relationship?



## confusedgirl1980

My bf is Jewish and I’m Catholic... Neither of us go to services and my bf despite following Jewish traditions needs proof of God and don’t understand "Faith". 
I was raised Catholic but am more spiritual. I have question my faith of the Church because I don't like the politics involved, thus I have more of a new age spiritual faith, but still follow traditions that I grew up with.
I am looking for suggestions on how to either blend or co exist our faiths. I don't want to convert my children to Judaism because I want them to be baptized. I did a lot of research and Reform Judaism doesn't require conversions. And Jewish traditions can still be done. (I think)
My bf parents have their opinions and despite my bf saying "people will give their opinion it's up to you to take it or not". I don't know if he has the balls to face his parents about this topic.
I need advice what do people do in this situation?... Picking just one view point would be the easiest option but it is not possible. All traditions have to be honored. 
Can you raise a happy family with contadiciting religions? 
Can a child be raised more catholic but still participate in Jewish traditions? I don't know please Help!
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.


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## Alexandra

This is a very common thing nowadays, so it definitely can be done!

As for picking one faith over the other, that's likely a recipe for resentment, unless one of you has turned from their faith or drifted away. Doesn't sound like it though.

How about a personalized faith to your family? Remember that the Catholic and Jewish religions both worship the Father, the Holy God. It's when you get to Jesus and the practice of that faith where things split apart. Have you looked into any Messianic Jewish assemblies? They often honor the (Biblical) traditions of the Jewish faith, but have doctrine more similar to Catholics. Take a look at them maybe? And many blessings to you!


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## Blanca

My H and I are different religions. We make it work just fine. But i was very upfront that i would not have our kids baptized by his church. I wouldnt have them baptized in my church either. 

One of the reasons his mom hates me is because im not her faith. my H didnt want to stand up to her either in the beginning. but after some fighting we've worked things out. 

You can make it work. You just have to compromise and make sure its very clear how you want the kids raised. of course your H might agree but things change over time. you just have to handle it when it comes.


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## Cricket5

I am Catholic and my husband is kind of his own thing. He took a vow in the Catholic church and before we got married he agreed to raise the kids Catholic. Since then things have changed. Because of the scandals he is exremely anti-catholic and has learned that organized religion is not his cup of tea. He does not care for the business of religion and I completely understand and respect that. I too consider myself more of a groovey Catholic in that I have questioned some of the church's teachings and politics but believe in the doctrine and not the politics. That being said, I would recommend you both be very clear on how you would raise a family prior to marriage and kids. I respect my husband and his viewpoint but it doesn't mean that I don't miss being able to share my faith with him and I know that the kids would enjoy having thier dad at church with them too. Although I would never discourage our children from finding out about other religions and faiths, (we have taken them to non Catholic churches) I believe that it is necessary to have a primary faith to teach the children before you expose them to other beliefs. I feel that it gives them a good foundation on which to build morals and character. I think it can be done if neither one has any conviction one way or the other, but particular with children it may be confusing explaining who Jesus is. I would make sure you have a full script in place about how to explain it to kids because it may not be an issue now, but with kids it changes everything. Good Luck


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## jaclynnbaker

as a Christian (and a preachers wife) I will tell you that not only is it unscriptural to marry someone of different "belief".....it is VERY hard on the children growing up. A dear friend of mine is now an Atheist Homosexual who is VERY confused about life (25 yrs male) all bc his parents did the church swap. PLEASE think it through. God bless you both!!!


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## MEM2020

jaclynn,
Are you saying his homosexuality has something to do with his religious upbringing?




jaclynnbaker said:


> as a Christian (and a preachers wife) I will tell you that not only is it unscriptural to marry someone of different "belief".....it is VERY hard on the children growing up. A dear friend of mine is now an Atheist Homosexual who is VERY confused about life (25 yrs male) all bc his parents did the church swap. PLEASE think it through. God bless you both!!!


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## dantanph

I'm Roman Catholic. H is a member of LDS. Son is baptized Catholic but also goes with Grandma who is an LDS. It will become an issues if you make it an issue. For us, we made a conscious decision that we both believe in one God. I still religiously go to church. I do not force H to come with me. He knows it makes me happy when he goes to church with me, so, he makes an effort whenever we are together and whenever he can to join us to hear Mass.


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## SimplyAmorous

confusedgirl1980 said:


> Can you raise a happy family with contadiciting religions?
> Can a child be raised more catholic but still participate in Jewish traditions? I don't know please Help!
> Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.


 Simple answer to this is : ONLY if you both DON'T take your Religion too seriously AND you agree to adamently refuse to allow your in-laws to dictate what you ultimately do with your children faith-wise. Although your children may become highly confused if exposed to both. But that is not a bad thing either, as I feel everyone should explore other faiths, and not just follow tradition. 

One can not believe in Catholic doctrine and also believe in Jewish doctrine, they are completely opposed to one another. Jews will never believe Jesus is GOD and Catholics would condemn you if you did not hold this belief, after all they are the ones who came up with the "Original Sin" stuff -which requires a mediator -Jesus Christ" to die for us to make us acceptable to God. 

Gonna be a tough one . I advise you both to look up Deism. Many people who are not strong in their faith and have alot of questions are in fact "Deists", but have no idea there is a name for it. Main focus is "DO unto others as you would have them do unto you". They believe in God but uphold "Reason" over "Blind Faith" and traditions.


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## Kagonu

I have a co-worker who is Jewish and has a son with a Christian. They don't plan on marrying but will together as if they were. They celebrate both religions holidays and when their son is old enough, he will probably choose which religion he prefers. Neither parent is particularly stern in their beliefs so that makes it easier on their son.

In my case, I am non-religious with a growing hatred of organized religion and my fiance is pretty laid back Catholic. If we were to have a child, he wants to send the kid to Catholic school, because of the positive experiences he had. I reluctantly agree to this situation, and I suppose it would be good for the child. My only issue is have is if the child accuses me of being "wrong." I guess that's something you have to deal with no matter what, though.


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## artieb

Kagonu said:


> My only issue is have is if the child accuses me of being "wrong." I guess that's something you have to deal with no matter what, though.


It would be up to your husband to prevent that before it starts. Maybe he could say something like "Mommy thinks this, and Daddy thinks that, and the Pope thinks some other thing, but whoever's right it's not worth fighting about."


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## steve71

I'm a lapsed Catholic. It used to be the case that The Vatican required children born into a mixed-faith marriage to be raised as Catholics. Maybe that's changed. I have a young teenage son and, as an agnostic, there is no way that I would impose Catholicism upon him. He's an intelligent, sensitive boy and can make his own informed decisions about religion in the fulness of time.

I think you would have to consult something like an on-line Catholic forum to determine wether a convergence between Catholicism and Judaism is acceptable. My own experience leads me to think that Rome isn't very flexible on such issues.

As for a culture-clash between different faiths, my guess is that good will and intelligent compromise goes a long way. My own moral compass is close to UK Methodism with its socialist affinities - very different, I think, from US Methodism - and my lady is of a 'me centred' New Age persuasion. I reckon this makes for a lot of dialogue abut the big issues and our boy is a keen participant in the debate.

Good luck!


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## 63Vino

"HOLY" smokes....

this thread.

So from what i read in some of this... its NOT ok according to the scriptures to marry someone of a different faith? maybe i read this wrong. Surely there cannot be reasonable people RELIGIOUS people at that who can say this?

That view IS separatism!!!!! In its most evil form.. the guise of religion. How many wars faught in the name of religion? Each of whom preach acceptance.

YES interfaith relationship is easy.. 
You love each other and accept each other.
You reject all outside infuence which is separatism disguised as religion.
Put your relationship, truthfulness and openess to each other above everything else and you'll be just fine.

Homosexual athiest, confused OMG....


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## Kagonu

63Vino said:


> Homosexual athiest, confused OMG....


Yeah. I laughed a bit. Ever heard of Reverend Green? xD She reminds me of him. Maybe it's his wife.


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## artieb

63Vino said:


> its NOT ok according to the scriptures to marry someone of a different faith? maybe i read this wrong. Surely there cannot be reasonable people RELIGIOUS people at that who can say this?


Depends on the scriptures. IIUC, Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, and further places the obligation on him to ensure that she attends services regularly and follows the teachings of her religion in addition to the teachings of Islam, except where they are in conflict and there she has to follow Islam. But a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian or Jewish man, because then her husband would have no official obligation to ensure that she is a faithful Muslim.

Christian teaching has it that if you convert to Christianity, you should stay with your spouse if your spouse will stay with you.

I don't know so much about other religions, but I know some Hindus and Buddhists who aren't real picky about doctrinal matters, so they'd probably have no problem about it.

I'm pretty sure that Christians, Jews, and Muslims would all have a problem marrying a spouse who put up a statue of a Hindu god in the house, that being pretty blatant idolatry. I don't think a statue of Buddha would be as serious a problem for Christians, in that Buddha explicitly denied being any kind of deity, and so a statue of him isn't in the same category. Muslims would almost certainly object to any statuary of any kind from a believer in another religion.




> YES interfaith relationship is easy..
> You love each other and accept each other.


Pretty much all religions teach that it's just smoother in general if both spouses are the same religion. There won't be any fights about what you teach the kids, or what holidays you follow, or which dietary or other rules you'll stick with. If you have sons, will they be circumcised? If one person says "Of course", and the other person says "ritualized genital mutilation of children for tribal superstitions is barbaric", there may be friction. If you like bacon, but you can't eat it because it's forbidden, that may grate after a while. Or if you go ahead and get some bacon and fry it up, because it's your house, and the spouse flips out and refuses to ever use that pan again, it may cause problems. If your spouse won't use birth control or have oral sex because it's against their religion, and you want to limit your family and enjoy some tongue action, that may result in some disagreements.

Interfaith couples can and do work these things out. I know an atheist man who puts on a jacket and tie and takes his wife to Church every Sunday, because that's what she needs to keep her spiritual batteries charged. As her husband, it's his job to ensure that she gets whatever she needs to have a happy and fulfilling life. So he does it. He was raised Christian, so he was used to Christmas and Easter and so on anyway, no problems there.

But to think that "love conquers all", and rush into a marriage with someone whose values are very different than yours on matters that may be important, is just not very smart.

You're an atheist; suppose your potential spouse said that you would have to remove your shoes in the living room because that's where some religious artifact was, and that you had to bow to the artifact every time you came in the door or went out. Can you honestly say that you'd never start to object to such a thing over the course of a 50-year marriage?


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## Freak On a Leash

Problem with the Jewish religion and devout Jews is that you will never be fully accepted because not only is Judaism a religion/faith but it's an ethnicity and way of life. Even if you convert you'll never actually be completely "accepted" by some and that might include his parents. Also, the fact that Judaism is considered to "come down" through the maternal line is a problem. Your kids won't be considered Jewish in any way, shape or form because you aren't. I believe the Reform Jews may be the exception to this. 

You may have a shot with reform Judaism as they seem to be the most tolerant of a more "secularized" lifestyle. Many Jewish people will vehemently say they are devout Jews but they haven't gone to temple in decades. It's a rather unique perspective. You need to realize and understand this mentality. 

Kids will be the real test because up until then you can pretty much follow your own path, unless it's important to one or both of you that your partner be involved in your religious practices. IMO this depends on which of you is more devoted to your religion. 

To be honest, you are best off raising the kids in one religion or another and you'll need to figure this out in advance and support and stick with the decision. Some people I know do "blend" the religions (celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, Easter and Passover, etc, etc) and then let the kids decide for themselves but there are many contradictions within the respective religions that will need to be worked out and explained. 

You could do as one of my friends did (she was raised Jewish, husband is Catholic) and go with a "compromise". They raised their kids as Unitarian because they wanted to impart some sort of spirituality and morality to their kids. 

My husband and I are both agnostic and raised our kids "non religious" and now my 15 year old daughter is leaning towards a "Christian" viewpoint and that's fine with us. (Certainly can't hurt!) But I don't take religion all that seriously. My kids could marry Hindus and be whatever they want, as long as they are happy and don't force their viewpoints on me I'm good with anything they do. But most people feel strongly about their spiritual/religious beliefs. In a mixes situation such as the one you face it's going to take a great deal of respect and tolerance to get by this, especially if/when you have kids.


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## Jake Andrews

Don't!!


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## aedilis

That's a great point of view you got there Jake. Way to completely elaborate on that. Well since you did a good job on that, let me interpret what you are saying:

"Stick to your own kind. Only true Christians know that the can only be in a relationship with other true Christians. There's only one true religion and the Jews are wrong. Jews and Christians don't mix."

Feel free to rebut my statement, but I'm sure that based off of your other posts on this site, it's fairly accurate.

My 'actual' advice for the topic would be that for a interfaith relationship to work, you should be open and tolerant of each other's beliefs. Work together to find a happy medium on attending services, how much you truly wish to participate in each other's congregations and such. As for the kids, I think it's a great thing to have two religions to look towards in a home. Teach them both religions and have them choose, you may be suprised at the result.


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