# Online Dating - Match.com



## sd212

So I've been checking out match.com and found a young lady that I would really like to contact. Perfect "match" on paper and it would be so much fun to go out with someone.

I made a profile but I can't bring myself to put my photo up. I guess there is just a stigma attached to these types of sites and I don't want people to see me on there.

That is stupid right, who cares?


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## proudwidaddy

The only thing that you have to worry about is if you think its ok, than do it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherokee96red

Everyone on there in my area is athletic and toned, exericise multiple times a week, don't want drama, etc.

Just sayin"!


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## unsure78

if thats what you would like to do -go for it! nothing wrong with having some fun, my therapist is encouraging me to go out there, have some fun, and meet some people. i will be signing up the day after my divorce is final in 3 weeks- dont want a relationship right now just go out and have some fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Don't be embarrassed! It's the new/old thing. I have a lot of friends who have met someone or dated someone from online.


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## DianaAgron

It's highly unlikely that anyone you know will see you. Go out on a date and have some fun. And don't worry about your looks - focus on her and put your energy there.


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## reggis

sd212 said:


> So I've been checking out match.com and found a young lady that I would really like to contact. Perfect "match" on paper and it would be so much fun to go out with someone.
> 
> I made a profile but I can't bring myself to put my photo up. I guess there is just a stigma attached to these types of sites and I don't want people to see me on there.
> 
> That is stupid right, who cares?


Its stupid to worry about who cares about you being on a dating site. 

It's not much better to think that some woman you see on a dating site is actually going to look anything like her picture.


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## cantmove

The only reason they would see you is if they are on the site as well, which means they are in the same boat as you. If you don't put a picture up you are not going to have much of a chance of getting picked.


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## sd212

cantmove said:


> The only reason they would see you is if they are on the site as well, which means they are in the same boat as you. If you don't put a picture up you are not going to have much of a chance of getting picked.


Oh, I agree. As for the picture, I'm really just waiting till the D is final to make a move like that. Say what you will but I will honor my vows until a judge burns them to the ground :scratchhead:


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## unsure78

funny im doing the same thing , not until the divorce is final ive been completely faithful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherokee96red

unsure78 said:


> funny im doing the same thing , not until the divorce is final ive been completely faithful
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Reassuring to know I'm not the only one with this thought. Sadly though, I don't have any idea when the D will even be filed at the moment as neither of us have the financial means to do so and it's already been a year of S.


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## Paradise

I did the same thing in honoring my vows. But....Looking back now, I didn't do it for the vows, I did it because I was still emotionally invested in the exw. My exw broke the vows when she started her affair a year before we divorced. The marriage was dead when that happened, I just didn't know it. 

I did the online dating for a while and dated a few ladies I met on there for a while. Dating sites really were not for me. I found the free sites were filled with some creepy people and the pay sites like match required me to spend money I don't have.


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## Jellybeans

Put your pic up. I dont think you will get as many responses (or any) if there is no pic up.


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## Deejo

ALL of my dates and relationships over the past 3.5 years have been from Match.

There is a 'protocol' to operating on a dating site. So if you feel like you are a dating 'newb' then feel free to ask questions.

You must have picutures ... I emphasize the plural. I never, ever, respond to profiles without photographs. In the case of women, who certainly have far more at risk on a dating site than a man does ... I don't know of any, that will correspond without seeing a picture of who they are corresponding with.

One headshot, one full bodyshot, ideally a picture of you doing something that makes a statement about who you are ... that said, don't post a pic of you gutting a 6 point buck.

If you are not happy about the prospect of either, then I strongly urge you to do something about it. If you have no issues with your appearance but have no pictures, have a friend take a few.

And quite honestly? You will need thick skin. You WILL be rejected. It's just how it is.

Don't send Winks. Winks are for cowards, or guys simply fishing for ANY kind of response.

Send a quick and simple 'hello' email. Don't tell your story, don't say 'I think you're cute' or 'I liked your profile ...'.

Say something that indicates that you read the profile, and ask a question ... basically any question.

The question you ask, automatically injects the requirement of a response. Therefore ... if you don't get a response ... they are not interested. Cross them off the list.

Follow the rule of 3. Don't send just one 'hello' email. Identify at least 3 people to whom you would like to introduce yourself, or learn more about. Trust me on this. 

Have fun with it. It's a tremendous resource.


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## sd212

What great advice! Now that is what I'm talking about. 

To be clear, I've got zero problem w/ my appearance or anything like that. I just don't want to make that move until my D is final.

I will read and reread your post here when I make the move. I think that match is just a part of the world we live in today and I have zero ego problems with being on there. Thanks, what a great post.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, Deejo! I signed up with ******* about 2 weeks ago (just the free account). I agree about getting more responses/views with pictures. I only got a few when i didn't have a picture, even though I had written a full profile and answered hundreds of their questions. I added 2 photos, and got 80 the next day! 

And, if you're in a situation like mine where a.) the X did a real number on your self-esteem through emotional abuse and physical rejection, and b.) you don't have much opportunity to get out and meet new people, the dating sites can be a little bit of an ego boost. Kind of nice to have when you've got mind movies and/or real exposure to your X and their AP.

I know several people who have had success on plenty of fish, but I think the site just looks cheesy. Are there any other decent free sites?


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, Deejo! I signed up with ******* about 2 weeks ago (just the free account). I agree about getting more responses/views with pictures. I only got a few when i didn't have a picture, even though I had written a full profile and answered hundreds of their questions. I added 2 photos, and got 80 the next day!
> 
> And, if you're in a situation like mine where a.) the X did a real number on your self-esteem through emotional abuse and physical rejection, and b.) you don't have much opportunity to get out and meet new people, the dating sites can be a little bit of an ego boost. Kind of nice to have when you've got mind movies and/or real exposure to your X and their AP.
> 
> I know several people who have had success on plenty of fish, but I think the site just looks cheesy. Are there any other decent free sites?


Must be different with the girls on *******. I'm 6'2" 180lbs and have been told I look like Hugh Jackman. I've answered over 500 questions, had several female friends help with my profile and I've got professional studio shots uploaded. In the last month I've only had one email. Most of the women that match my profile in the 80-90% range are listed as responding "very selectively", which I take as " I don't have to email anyone" ;~)


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## notreadytoquit

I was on match.com for few months. I did not like most of the selection there and the few that I emailed never bothered to email back. I think when they see you are single mother they get scared off thinking I am looking for some financial backing. And if they knew my child had special needs they will probably run for the hills. I have given up hope that I will ever have someone by my side. For now my childs well being is my priority and If people cannot understand that then I don't need them.


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## Mamatomany

sd212 said:


> What great advice! Now that is what I'm talking about.
> 
> To be clear, I've got zero problem w/ my appearance or anything like that. I just don't want to make that move until my D is final.
> 
> I will read and reread your post here when I make the move. I think that match is just a part of the world we live in today and I have zero ego problems with being on there. Thanks, what a great post.


What I did was start my profile and then I'd get 'matches' w/o a pic up, but because it wasn't finished they couldn't see mine. I was able to start thinking about it. When I was sure that the marriage was over and I put it up. I am currently separated and have met some nice guys and had a good time and two of them are now friends that I chat w/. I know some of you are waiting to for final divorce, but I know he is out having a good time and it's the only time I get away from the kids and work. I need to have some adult time and I am finding it. I don't feel like I am cheating, he left me and my heart has divorced him. IF I hadn't hired the attorney I think I could be living in limbo for years. Casual dating is all I am looking for now. I need practice. Dating has allowed me some perspective on where I am in my life and where I want to be. I have only met one guy who was a bit of a jerk (full of himself).

If you don't have money for match there is pof.com that's a free site my daughter suggested it to me (she's in her 20s).


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## Mamatomany

notreadytoquit said:


> I was on match.com for few months. I did not like most of the selection there and the few that I emailed never bothered to email back. I think when they see you are single mother they get scared off thinking I am looking for some financial backing. And if they knew my child had special needs they will probably run for the hills. I have given up hope that I will ever have someone by my side. For now my childs well being is my priority and If people cannot understand that then I don't need them.


I have 6 kids and 3 young ones... it has scared off some and other men (usually fathers or ones that missed the opportunity) really don't mind. W/ you having one child w/ special needs it might make them think that you are a strong person/admirable.


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## Mamatomany

*Dean* said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Normally when you met or find a lady that has children, you are careful
> since you don't want to play with their feelings.
> That may sound odd but it's true.
> It causes you to stop and double check and ask yourself do you really
> want to have a relationship again that quick.
> Some of the men I know just want to be single for a while (few yrs, etc).


Thanks. I needed someone to say that. I actually went out with one guy for 4 wks 2x a week and talked daily sometimes for hours. He tried to stop seeing me once, and couldn't then last week he had to end it again... he is ready to be a grandfather but not a father figure to young children and he knew if we kept up that's where we'd be going. We had such chemistry and it was so much fun. I am trying to not feel hurt (I know rebound relationship - I am hoping this is it!) and the way you expressed the above helped.


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## Deejo

notreadytoquit said:


> I was on match.com for few months. I did not like most of the selection there and the few that I emailed never bothered to email back. I think when they see you are single mother they get scared off thinking I am looking for some financial backing. And if they knew my child had special needs they will probably run for the hills. I have given up hope that I will ever have someone by my side. For now my childs well being is my priority and If people cannot understand that then I don't need them.


Having a special needs child is not the kind of thing you need to be concerned about, while dating. Dating is dating ... it is an introduction, a prelude to determine if there can be something more. You don't owe anyone that you are casually corresponding with your life history. 

That said, I have a special needs child, and I have dated 3 women that had special needs children.

And honestly? A single mother in her 40's is going to have a far easier time getting dates than a single woman in her 40's that is looking for a partner that wants to have children.


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## notreadytoquit

Deejo said:


> Having a special needs child is not the kind of thing you need to be concerned about, while dating. Dating is dating ... it is an introduction, a prelude to determine if there can be something more. You don't owe anyone that you are casually corresponding with your life history.
> 
> That said, I have a special needs child, and I have dated 3 women that had special needs children.
> 
> And honestly? A single mother in her 40's is going to have a far easier time getting dates than a single woman in her 40's that is looking for a partner that wants to have children.


I hope all of your are right. My son was not even 2 years old when our divorce became final. He has not officially been diagnosed as autistic but it has been suggested on few occasions. We are now seeing a naturopathic doctor that has discovered few other conditions(that contribute more to his autistic symptoms) and he is responding great on treatment. Normally his father tries to dismiss the autism aspect because it would make him look even worse: first he cheated than abandoned a wife with a child with special needs. If all works out my son should be able to lead normal life. But right now it is a lot of work and if any dating is to occur he will have to have LOTS of understanding.


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## byorn

i think that is a common thing among users, especially girls, but u should not take it serious, just post a photo, who knows what comes up! maybe u find ur perfect match and keep moving up the stairs of happiness!


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## byorn

They say ''the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder''!!!!why is that you take things so seriously! I have accounts in some of the matchmaking websites like HyeSingles.com, be2 international dating site | find singles online , badoo, etc, so far ia have had no problems regarding my looks or how people would interpret me. so go ahead and leave the complexes behind


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## Monty4321

notreadytoquit said:


> I was on match.com for few months. I did not like most of the selection there and the few that I emailed never bothered to email back. I think when they see you are single mother they get scared off thinking I am looking for some financial backing. And if they knew my child had special needs they will probably run for the hills. I have given up hope that I will ever have someone by my side. For now my childs well being is my priority and If people cannot understand that then I don't need them.


Good luck to you. I'm actually going through a divorce right now and will be signing up with match.com after everything its settled and finalized. If you were in my area I would surely give you the time - so I am sure there are others out there. Don't give up i'm sure someone will come your way.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

sd212 said:


> So I've been checking out match.com and found a young lady that I would really like to contact. Perfect "match" on paper and it would be so much fun to go out with someone.
> 
> I made a profile but I can't bring myself to put my photo up. I guess there is just a stigma attached to these types of sites and I don't want people to see me on there.
> 
> That is stupid right, who cares?


You should get over it! Just put your photo up. There's no shame in self-advocating for what you want. I had really good success and on top of that the guys in my town noticed me more. Hey look, she's single, wish I was. lol. I found someone a couple towns over, he's really sweet and we get along great. Actually I joined Match just so I could have a chance with him...but I didn't spill the beans yet.


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## Lon

yeah, dating sites suck. If you are an average looking guy and are expecting some kind of attention. I find you really have to work at it to get any kind of conversation going, and even then don't have any expectations. I like to think though that all the women on there just have their settings set to not notify me when they look at my profile, yeah that's it. I'm getting tired of this one view a month [email protected], I've messaged literally all the ones that appear interesting either in their pics or description, heard back once or twice from a couple, but those went cold. Maybe I just have my sights too high (in which case forget dating at all its too depressing). So now I am just on maintenance mode, I log on every other day to see if there is anyone new, drop a friendly non-offensive yet cheeky hello, and then once a month get to read a two word reply before replying back to nothingness. sigh, actually I gotta get off the computer more, only way its going to happen.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

reggis said:


> Its stupid to worry about who cares about you being on a dating site.
> 
> It's not much better to think that some woman you see on a dating site is actually going to look anything like her picture.


lol, I look loads better in person. 
I don't photo very well.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

notreadytoquit said:


> I was on match.com for few months. I did not like most of the selection there and the few that I emailed never bothered to email back. I think when they see you are single mother they get scared off thinking I am looking for some financial backing. And if they knew my child had special needs they will probably run for the hills. I have given up hope that I will ever have someone by my side. For now my childs well being is my priority and If people cannot understand that then I don't need them.


I have not found that to be true at all. I have two grade school children and one is special needs. We have all hung out together as my kids know all my male friends already (the ones I don't date but get together with.) If they think you need financial backing then that's there problem. The issue is, why do you think they would think that and how do you know they are scared if you don't give them a chance? It's how you handle it that matters. If you can take care of your kids and you would also like to have a relationship with someone and can manage that, you should put yourself out there and let other people decide what they can and can't handle given the information at an appropriate time. If you want to get out and have a dating relationship not necessarily long term then it's no matter really what they think of your finances or your family situation.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lon said:


> yeah, dating sites suck. If you are an average looking guy and are expecting some kind of attention. I find you really have to work at it to get any kind of conversation going, and even then don't have any expectations. I like to think though that all the women on there just have their settings set to not notify me when they look at my profile, yeah that's it. I'm getting tired of this one view a month [email protected], I've messaged literally all the ones that appear interesting either in their pics or description, heard back once or twice from a couple, but those went cold. Maybe I just have my sights too high (in which case forget dating at all its too depressing). So now I am just on maintenance mode, I log on every other day to see if there is anyone new, drop a friendly non-offensive yet cheeky hello, and then once a month get to read a two word reply before replying back to nothingness. sigh, actually I gotta get off the computer more, only way its going to happen.


Lon, you should try dancing ballroom/Latin or Argentine Tango. You will meet a lot of women and the good thing is you can get a good feel for how they relate to you and vice versa.


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## rome2012

When I went on match.com and did the whole quiz to see my perfect matches I was quite shocked to see my first and most perfect match to be.......my ex-husband !!!!!
Match knows it, I know it, only he doesn't 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

Don't waste your time on Chemistry.com. I tried their "free trial" and it was absolutely terrible.


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## ScratchSF

I agree with the advice about how to approach on an online dating site. 

I just went to friends wedding in May; they met on match.com. I'd add one additional thing, there are a lot of dating sites out there, so if you find that your experience on one site isn't great, try one of the other sites. Not saying you should be on multiple sites all at once, however. Personally, I've had some success on match.com, but I've had a lot more success on *******. That's just my experience.


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## sisters359

Make sure online dating sites are only a part of your dating strategy--get out IRL and meet people. Meetup.com is great. Sign on to a few meetup groups and set them to notify you of get-togethers. You can plan ahead or show up last minute for a LOT of meet ups. I've met lots of people that way and it's just plain fun.

Dating sites have their hazards, so be sure to check for information on dating scammers. Also, Plenty of Fish has forums which are both hilarious at times and chock full of good information if you know how to read between the lines. I'd encourage others to sign up and do a thread search for things like "disappeared" or "why am i not getting any emails" and other things that might interest you. 

Attractive, younger women get about 90% of the emails on free dating sites. Don't get in a huff about it; it is what it is. 

Paid sites might improve your chances of meeting someone who is serious about dating. 

Men have to compete with a fair number of married men who are looking for something on the side. The ratio of men-to-women on sites tends to be very skewed, in part for that reason. Married women do sign up, but men do not seem to be complaining about that, so either it isn't a lot of married women, or the men just don't care if they are seeing a married woman 

I've been on Plenty of Fish for 3 years and keep my profile hidden, because I like it for the forums. Every now and then I will do a search to see if there is someone I am interested in dating. Of the "first meets" set up, I've probably met 70% of the guys, with the other 30% not showing up (a common experience; don't sweat it). I have felt attraction toward not one of the men I've met so far--nice people, interesting conversations about 3/4ths of the time (and 1/4 soooooo boring or weird), but nothing more. 

Most important: do not treat the first meeting as a first date!! The first meet is like walking over to someone at a party, having a bit of conversation, and deciding whether or not to ask for a phone number! That means, keep the first meet short and inexpensive (coffee, a drink, a walk in a small park, share some ice cream, etc.) you can always extend the first meet by saying, "Hey, I'm really enjoying this, would you like to grab some food?" or whatever.

The point of keeping a first meet short is that a HUGE number of people will have lied on their profiles and/or you will not have any attraction, so there is no point in going on an actual date. Expect some people to show up who are 20 years older than their photo and/or 60 lbs heavier. 

So far, everyone I met has looked just like their picture except 1 person. But lots of people get the "surprise" when they do the first meet. Do not sweat it; just keep meeting other people.

Good luck, and BE SAFE!!!


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## Lon

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Lon, you should try dancing ballroom/Latin or Argentine Tango. You will meet a lot of women and the good thing is you can get a good feel for how they relate to you and vice versa.


um, dancing is one thing that would certainly not help my cause... I have a lot or rythym inside me, but not when it comes to moving to music. One of my best friends is Chilean and involved in latin community, he is always trying to get me to come out to salsa lessons, I did last summer, I still feel scarred, that was among the longest scariest days of my life, I felt very relieved when it was over, even proud of myself for sticking it out, but realized right then and there I just simply DO NOT LIKE dance, the same way many people just do not like blue cheese. And I decided right then and there that I am still a perfectly good person if I can't/won't dance.

I may try something really simple, like line dancing, but I will never really get good at it, because the whole time I will be so far in my own world, and so humiliated on the outside that any instruction won't really get through.


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## arbitrator

Lon said:


> ... dancing is one thing that would certainly not help my cause...


Nor mine either, Lon! Now while I absolutely love a slow cheek-to-cheek waltz with my lady of choice, I can't dance beans to the more sophisticated stuff that they do these days.

Now the only real dancing that you might possibly ever see me doing is while refereeing football, I'll occasionally have to try to dance out of the way of some charging linebacker or cornerback who is blitzing the quarterback in the pocket, that I'm in charge of protecting!


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## Lon

hmm, maybe its looks...

So I have a really nice profile pic, a funny but down to earth profile... a lady I didn't notice before replies, says she relates, we chat a bit, hit it off, she is not my ideal as far as looks but not ugly at all, I just want to meet because it seems like we'd have a fun conversation so I suggest we meet and she sounds thrilled... we try coordinating a time, she is only free friday and sat evening, I had possible plans in place both nights but told her friday evening might open up and I'd message the next day if it did. She then asked me for more pics, which I supplied, she thanked me with a smilie but didn't comment at all... then she went kinda silent, it was getting late so I sent a message asking if she was a night owl, no reply, a little while later I say I'm off to bed, GN, she replies GN right away.

So the next day (yesterday) I find out my Friday night plans were off, and so yesterday afternoon I messaged her to let her know my Friday evening was free and I'd love to go for drinks and maybe a walk to meet... no reply and she was online, plus she said she messages from her phone so I;m pretty sure my message got through.

I guess this one is done, seems silly that pics were the killer, or maybe I just seemed too enthusiastic or something (IDK, no F'ing clue) she could see well enough what I looked like in my first pic, she initiated contact with me. It's annoying to be judged on looks after you think you are past that point... and she's not even that great looking. My lesson from this I think is don't even bother unless I'm interested in their pics first.


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## hunter411

sd212 said:


> Oh, I agree. As for the picture, I'm really just waiting till the D is final to make a move like that. Say what you will but I will honor my vows until a judge burns them to the ground :scratchhead:


I totally agree, however, I have made it perfectly clear to anyone I have met that nothing will happen until the D is final. I just refuse to let the stbxw keep me locked up in the house like a prisoner. In my case the stbxw burned the vows to the ground. Im just waiting for the ink to dry and let the judge swing the little wooden gavel. Stbxw has taken enough away from me already. Its a personal choice and I think it comes down to your intentions. I have had a lot of fun so far! I call them fun dates, no pressure or expectations.


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## camihuml

Match.com is a great way to meet people, you just have to approach it with a light-hearted attitude and an open mind. Yeah, it'd be easier to just bump into Miss Right in the produce aisle but it just isn't that easy, especially if you aren't an extrovert and most of us aren't when it comes to picking up men or women.

I used Match.com off an on for a couple of years until I met my SO. The key is to lighten up, it's an "adventure", and you have to see it as just that in order to have fun with it. Enjoy meeting new people and just don't expect an immediate perfect "match"---BE PATIENT! It was sooooo obvious to me who had the bad attitudes and who didn't, it just screamed from their profiles. Those guys sure don't get many emails, they sound so bitter and negative! Make sure your profile is fun and positive, throw some mild sarcasm or witty comments in there but don't overdo it. Make yourself _interesting_. Take an hour or so to check out both men and women's profiles in your age range and get ideas, decide if you would want to call _them_ up by their profile, and which profiles you liked and why. And for crying out loud sound confident, not pathetic. I read so many pathetic profiles of guys who sounded clinically depressed! Seriously?!

And being creative really helps. One of the biggest complaints on Match, from both genders, is that people post old pics of themselves that look nothing like them now. So I always thought it would be cute to post a pic of yourself holding/reading today's newspaper, something like that. Just a thought!


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## kindi

sd212 said:


> So I've been checking out match.com and found a young lady that I would really like to contact. Perfect "match" on paper and it would be so much fun to go out with someone.
> 
> I made a profile but I can't bring myself to put my photo up. I guess there is just a stigma attached to these types of sites and I don't want people to see me on there.
> 
> That is stupid right, who cares?


There's a stigma attached to online dating sites?

I've been using them for years post divorce and met all sorts of women, some have resulted in medium and long term relationships up to 2 years.

I never ever thought for a single moment about what people would "think of me" being on sites with literally millions of others who have been doing the same thing, many of whom have married their online dating partners.

It's like covering my computer screen when someone walks in because I'm embarrassed to be caught "surfing the net".


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## Emma1981

Online dating is what everyone does now - yes, I have even been recognized via the sites (this was many years ago prior to my marriage). If D day comes, I plan on going back as I think it's a good way to connect with people in conjunction with a more organic approach. 

I had a few decent dates on Match and met my husband on HotorNot amazingly enough - they even put us on their success story page??? I guess we will soon see if that holds :\


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## Kimberley17

I met my husband on Match.com


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## camihuml

I second meetup.com, it is great for getting out there and meeting people! You will make many, many new friends as well in the process, not just dates


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## Nsweet

Oh God, I joined an xxx rated version of match.com a late last year and never deleted my account. I'm still getting request to meet and be friends with naked pics of beautiful girls, mostly college girls because I'm a few mi for a university. Thing is I don't think about sex or relationships when I see that, I see $$$$ and wasted time at restaurants and stores to impress some girl I already seen butt nekked. Where's the fun left in that? 

That being said I have plenty of experience with online dating from different dating sites match, eharmony, fling, a few speciality ones, CL as well. I met my ex wife on a dating site, so it's really no problem for me and it's a great way to meet people when you're working all the time. I just don't like that awkward meet up experience. If you're smart you do your homework and look up any criminal and court records before you meet them, but it's still like "Hey, it's nice to meet you too… No, let's stick to public well lit places where witnesses can collaborate a story if something happens to me." :rofl:


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## Lon

Nsweet said:


> Oh God, I joined an xxx rated version of match.com a late last year and never deleted my account. I'm still getting request to meet and be friends with naked pics of beautiful girls, mostly college girls because I'm a few mi for a university. Thing is I don't think about sex or relationships when I see that, I see $$$$ and wasted time at restaurants and stores to impress some girl I already seen butt nekked. Where's the fun left in that?


ha, for SnG I created a profile on one adult personals site a couple months ago, seemed interesting, nothing really to lose. I actually put on a much different persona, didn't really have any expectations on there just some curiosity. There were actually a number of profiles I was interested in so I gave it a one month try... got a few views but no interest, seems like no matter the medium, I just don't attract them, I even had a few somewhat naughty pics, lol. I get the occasional reply but I just don't seem to know how to set the hook.


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## Nsweet

Don't be so hard on yourself Lon. You just have to know how the game is played and write your profile very very carefully. You have to make yourself sound as exciting as you can (lie your ass off) display certain mature attributes she's looking for (omit the truth), and make your "what I'm looking for" say something about how you're not looking for sex and could care less (again lie your ass off). 

I'm only half joking about lying, you need to be yourself but only the most attractive part of yourself. Before you start judging, women do it to! I've met ladies who used pics from last years diet crazy and have long since lost that figure, or they'll wear two bras with padding and do the titty trick. I even me one who I suspected used a pic from the 90s, she did. She had three kids, an ex in prison, and was no where near 110lbs.

In a nut shell it's all about wording and being mysterious. I don't even post a pic half the time until I know the site isn't full of bot profiles. When I do there's a long checklist of stuff I do for more hits, not just a half-assed pic from my webcam. The wording is where it really gets tricky. You need to elaborate as much as possibly without giving away too much. "I love having fun" is the most common response I have ever seen and it's boring. She wants to hear about your artistic side, something fun she could do with you.

I don't hijack this thread too much because there is so much I can say. Let's see...... *YOUR D!CK IS NOT GOING TO GET YOU LAID SO DON'T SEND THEM PICS!* She would much rather have you ask about her interests (because women love to talk about themselves, FACT) and why she.... doesn't like tomatoes but loves pizza, considers herself a conservative Christian yet likes hard rock, doesn't remember what color her hair is (but loves all colors). Don't ask them anything sexual, make comments about their bodies, or try to invite yourself into their world. 

Your goal with a dating site is to get their interest and have them contact you on that site. If they find you interesting enough you can send messages back and forth until they feel comfortable enough for you to email/text them (3 days min). Don't push for phone calls if they're not ready.... it may take a week but patience is worth it. Then you just take your time getting to know each other (low contact, don't blow up their phone) until they feel ready to meet you. I recommend meeting them in less than two weeks if you can. After that the excitement wears off and they move on, unless you find someone you really really connect with but don't wait forever. And remember they have plenty of options just as you do.... so watch out for lies and don't let anyone take advantage of you!


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## frigginlost

I've been on match for the last two months. Honestly it has been pretty fun. I get compliments on my profile all the time. I was just myself when I wrote it. Not long, not short, and no B.S. I did not write a profile of what I thought the women wanted to hear. I wrote a profile of who I am. 

Life is about putting yourself out there. If someone likes you, cool. If not, so what. We all just went through some pretty life crushing events. The last thing we should care about is what someone who has never met us thinks about us.


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## Emma1981

Does anyone have experience on Match vs Plentyoffish? I have heard quite a few people mention the fish site, but it would seem if someone is willing to pay, they are more serious.

I always thought those adult sites were fake, and just to get guys to pay for camgirls :\


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## Lon

Nsweet said:


> Your goal with a dating site is to get their interest and have them contact you on that site. If they find you interesting enough you can send messages back and forth until they feel comfortable enough for you to email/text them (3 days min). Don't push for phone calls if they're not ready.... it may take a week but patience is worth it. Then you just take your time getting to know each other (low contact, don't blow up their phone) until they feel ready to meet you. I recommend meeting them in less than two weeks if you can. After that the excitement wears off and they move on, unless you find someone you really really connect with but don't wait forever. And remember they have plenty of options just as you do.... so watch out for lies and don't let anyone take advantage of you!


good advice friend - I think I'm mostly on track with what you are suggesting, no d1ck pics, make myself look a little better without taking it too far, realizing how much they are doing the same... your last paragraph I find the most beneficial, I think the big thing for me is going to be a little patient - it is really hard to get a feel if there is interest if you never get a reply, a view of your profile (most attractive ones have figured out how to turn that feature off so I can't tell if they have even bothered to look if I've ever sent a message). If I do get a reply quickly and I'm still online I usually just reply back right away, once in awhile it turns to a conversation but then as soon as I feel its a good time to ask them if they want to go out is when they spit out the hook. Usually they say "I'd love to" first... liars!  So this is where maybe I should be trying to pull the trigger, leave them hanging for a day or two before getting back (but so far when I've waited awhile it usually resulted in no reply either, so I'm sitting here thinking to myself I guess they don't like having to wait either - guess they just want it all). I actually have a really cool pic of myself on my profile and I hid all my others, I've gotten a couple more replies, one lady after we talked for awhile, and after she agreed to meet up asked me for more pics - awkward - I learned from that I will just say no because I sent her a couple more that maybe weren't as cool as my profile pic and she went suddenly cold - not sure what turned her off, my image or the fact I sent them to her, I guess I will hold out and if they want to see more of me it will have to be in person.

I find it just really difficult to know at which exact point to diverge from my standard approach in order to get more effective results (ie get a date). After close to a hundred interactions it still looks so random, the only pattern that has emerged is that they aren't really attracted to me when I've gone for the complete sincere approach but they seem to appreciate being able to know to reject me instead of having to take a risk - whatever I'm doing is affirming in their minds I'm not the one for them, and I just don't want to play that game anymore, lol.


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## 06Daddio08

Emma1981 said:


> Does anyone have experience on Match vs Plentyoffish? I have heard quite a few people mention the fish site, but it would seem if someone is willing to pay, they are more serious.
> 
> I always thought those adult sites were fake, and just to get guys to pay for camgirls :\


I have no personal experience from it.

But, the exes friend had found someone on fish .. they are still together.

A guy from work also found his new wife on fish.

I've also heard plenty of dates not working out so well.


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## Deejo

Emma1981 said:


> Does anyone have experience on Match vs Plentyoffish? I have heard quite a few people mention the fish site, but it would seem if someone is willing to pay, they are more serious.
> 
> I always thought those adult sites were fake, and just to get guys to pay for camgirls :\


I deleted my POF profile after 2 weeks. That was over 2 years ago.

My attitude is simple. I prefer pay to play because by default you are eliminating a large block of individuals that are scamming or married and on the prowl.


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## frigginlost

Deejo said:


> I deleted my POF profile after 2 weeks. That was over 2 years ago.
> 
> My attitude is simple. I prefer pay to play because by default you are eliminating a large block of individuals that are scamming or married and on the prowl.


Ditto. You get what you pay for....

Some love POF, I myself did not like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy

I've put my profile on match.com two days ago (wibearsfan1977) and I've been having fun with it already. Gotten some winks from people, a couple of direct messages.


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## frigginlost

proudwidaddy said:


> I've put my profile on match.com two days ago (wibearsfan1977) and I've been having fun with it already. Gotten some winks from people, a couple of direct messages.


Those winks were from me. They don't count.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy

If that is the case Friggin they count a lot, hehe


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## Nsweet

Winks on dating sites are the laziest form of communication. Don't send them or those cartoon gifts, and don't get too excited when you get them. You're just one of a lucky dozen or so that day. You have a better chance of meeting and talking to a girl who winks at you in the real world, but you better have something interesting to say because you only get a few seconds to think of something.


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## proudwidaddy

Nsweet....okay help me out at this, when I want to reach out and talk to someone on match.com that I find interesting, I've taken the approach of sending a quick email, mentioning or asking something about what I've read in their profile to spark a conversation, is that a bad idea?


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## Nsweet

You don't want to ask a question if you can help it, especially if it's a yes or no question. Questions can be misconstrued as chasing, since she's getting dozens of PMs from other guys asking her about her body or something equally stupid. You never want to comment on a woman's body in a way that could be considered sexual until you get to know her and have a certain level of attraction. Even then you have to reel it back so you don't lose her respect as another perv. Don't be another guy to tell a hot woman she's beautiful and offer to buy her a drink if you want to bang her. 

The only way you can get her to respond is by email is if you make it known you want to get to know her but aren't looking for sex. You do this by asking, making a statement, or exclamation about something she says she wants you to pick up on. You were married once, you should know how to read a woman's subtext with very little effort. 

For instance I pulled this young woman's profile from my email to show you one of three ways you can break the ice and be the better man. This woman is in an office and enjoys dancing ballet.

"If you are thinking I am crazy, no I am not. I am only a girl who is always smiling on my face, and is always looking for some way to have some fun. Is something wrong with that?".... I am looking for someone who is going to keep this smile on my face permanently. A person who acts mature and knows what he wants."

You see most guys would pick up on the ballet and try to entice her into mentioning how flexible she is, but if you look closely she mentions wanting a mature man with a sense of humor and asks if it's wrong. I take that to mean she could be a fun loving 20 something, but with an immature side as well, wanting an assertive man with mature moral values. 

BTW women always want a man to act like a man and be mature.... basically put up with her sh!t, take charge without being a d!ck, and have her respect you for not freaking out or letting her control you. Tell me I'm wrong. You: Where do you wanna eat. Her: I don't know, you pick. You: Steak house it is....(because you know she's still doing low carb and would complain about enjoying pasta at an Italian restaurant).:rofl:

I might say something to her like, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to have fun and smile, it shows you're fun at heart. Though a permanent smile would either be pretty adorable or pretty crazy" *sigh* Maybe not one of my best but you get the idea. You pick up on something she wants you to know and use her words along with a statement that you won't chase her. Use words adorable, cute, fun, and interesting instead of sexy, beautiful, pretty, or gorgeous. And remember, never try to invite yourself into her world. 

You have an adorable smile. I know that must sound so cliche, but I don't mean it to. Lol." Adorable smile - Compliment, sounding cliche - You take a step back, I don't mean it to - Sincerity. 

"You don't like tomatoes!? What about pizza?" - A question everyone would miss that's neither a come on or ****y. It's neutral and genuine.

"Macaroni & cheese and a good movie, Lol. That's not a bad idea.... I'm going to have to remember that." She mentioned being lonely and wanting to be rescued... not taking that bait. Instead I find interest in who she is and not wanting to just have sex or be her shoulder to cry on. 

Sorry, I got carried away again


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## Emma1981

Reading your post Nsweet makes me remember why I hate dating - it all sounds like shenanigans to me.


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## Nsweet

It is and it isn't


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## proudwidaddy

Emma I feel like you. Im not into games at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359

I may have said this, but READ THE FORUMS on POF. 

It's like a real-life guide to dating. While there are always whackos, if you read enough some really good, basic advice/ideas do bubble up. 

For example: texting is for kids. Not grown ups. Very few mature people prefer texting over phone calls. Adults tend to consider it simply a cover for rudeness (ie, doing something to connect with one person when you are actually with someone else). This is during the early stages--clearly, if you connect with someone and start to date more than a couple of times, you can talk about the role of texting in the actual emerging relationship.

Anyway, that is just one tidbit. Lots of other stuff--do thread searches on topics of interest to you. you do not have to have a profile to read, but it's hard to find the link otherwise.


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## kindi

I've used free sites including POF, OK Cupid, and paid sites such as Match and Jdate.

I define success as meeting a woman who I get involved with for a few months or longer.

According to that criteria I've had about equal success rates with pay vs free sites, I find the volume and activity levels much higher on the free sites so you have to do more "filtering" to get to the same place as you do with the pay sites.


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## cloudwithleggs

Deejo said:


> Don't send Winks. Winks are for cowards, or guys simply fishing for ANY kind of response.


I like winks, it reminded me of who i liked the look of, was not on match.com though.

i like sextin coughs textin.

yes i need to gain proper boundaries before i start dating, i liked the date casts where you could send to all males in your local area with in 50 miles a message (friends dad that is married) had alot of fun with that.

I think i have been recognised in my local super market, followed, so i have pulled all my pics as i'm not really ready for dating/stalking 

I have kept in contact with one guy (jesus tribal tatt guy) and he was from the free site, he is giving me alot of space as i want it, we talk on the phone, but mostly text, we have a sexual connection we share pics, he lives a 40 min drive from me, but it is not the right way to go about dating.


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## Lon

cloudwithleggs said:


> I like winks, it reminded me of who i liked the look of, was not on match.com though.
> 
> 
> no just send them to me, plleeeaassseee!


but you are British, so you like vulgarity.


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## Deejo

cloudwithleggs said:


> I like winks, it reminded me of who i liked the look of, was not on match.com though.


Winks are fine for women to send. Not fine for men.


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## Shooboomafoo

When they start giving you the sob story and how they live in Manilla or Guatemala, and please send air fare,,, send them a wink.


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## Mamatomany

arbitrator said:


> Don't waste your time on Chemistry.com. I tried their "free trial" and it was absolutely terrible.


I agree. I went ahead and tried chemistry and it was horrible. I have met two guys on it that I'd date but I don't like the format chemistry has and their 'matches' weren't nearly as close to what I'd like as match.com


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## Mamatomany

proudwidaddy said:


> Nsweet....okay help me out at this, when I want to reach out and talk to someone on match.com that I find interesting, I've taken the approach of sending a quick email, mentioning or asking something about what I've read in their profile to spark a conversation, is that a bad idea?


That's what I like Proud, and those guys will get some kind of reply if it's a question. Compliments work too, but too easy to just say thanks. Be yourself Proud, I have talked to you and you don't need help, go with your gut and it will get you far sweetie! You will be a fine catch!!


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## proudwidaddy

I have found a catch on POF, we hit it off, went out for a date last night, talked and kissed for three hours, seeing her Wednesday again.


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## arbitrator

proudwidaddy said:


> I have found a catch on POF, we hit it off, went out for a date last night, talked and kissed for three hours, seeing her Wednesday again.


 *There you go, Proud!*


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## Mamatomany

He is quite the catch!! Someone will be very lucky when they partner up.


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## arbitrator

Experimenting with POF right now... strictly to get to know people!


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## Conrad

proudwidaddy said:


> I have found a catch on POF, we hit it off, went out for a date last night, talked and kissed for three hours, seeing her Wednesday again.


The Brewer thing doesn't bother her?


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## Matt1720

lol ouch...


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## proudwidaddy

Nope she loves the Brewers


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## unsure78

Be careful proud - just dont get attached to quickly... take your time


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## proudwidaddy

I plan on taking my time, enjoying everything. I'm not compromising "my" time for things that I enjoy, and she has her own life as well. So we are fitting each other into our lives as much as we can.


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## unsure78

How many dates have you been out with her on?


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## proudwidaddy

Tonight is my second date


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## unsure78

ok, i just want you to read what you wrote again, you have been on one date and you are referring to her as "our" already and fitting into each others lives....
"So we are fitting each other into our lives as much as we can"

Proud not trying to be a debbie downer but you need to slow down and be careful. I just dont want to see you get hurt so soon... it may work (i have been seeing the engineer for a few months now and he was one of my first dates but we took our time, and only recently starting referring to ourselves as "our")
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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