# Am I Crazy?



## cueball (Jul 29, 2014)

Let me give you some background. About 5 years ago my wife decided she "couldn't do this anymore" and dumped our then 3 year old daughter with a neighbor and left the state. No forwarding address etc. Four months later we reconciled but the information i learned during that process is still troubling me. Here is a synopsis of what happened the months before and during her "break".

She flew him to town and stayed in a hotel when she was suppose to be at her sisters. Stayed in a hotel with him the first week she was in his area (out of state). She sent him numerous adult pictures and videos of herself while still at our marital home. She moved in with him using money from selling her engagement ring and anniversary jewelry. She emptied our joint bank accounts and sold her car to fund the rent and their lifestyle (gambling, football games, dinners, gifts, etc). When she finally came back to visit our daughter she would talk to him and tell him she loved him. There is more that is enough for now

She swears she did not love him (she just said it at the time) and they never had intercourse, "just hooked up". The facts to me don't support that and that feeling of her never telling me the complete truth still causes nightmares. So my question is do I am seem crazy for this still bothering me?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

If it bothers you, not crazy.

If you ever believe one word she tells you, or let her back into your life, crazy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Women don't uproot their entire lives, leave their children behind, pawn off their engagement rings, send XXX pics and empty their marital bank accounts to move in with a man they do not love/never had sex with. 

I think you'd be more crazy for believing her lies. And someone who can just bounce on you like that, and leave her child behind with no forwarding address - well, surely you know they are able to disassociate quickly and may do it again.

It's one thing if you'd been having fights and she was threatening to leave or saying it wasn't working, but it seems she just up and left one day.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Women don't uproot their entire lives, leave their children behind, pawn off their engagement rings, send XXX pics and empty their marital bank accounts to move in with a man they do not love/never had sex with.
> 
> I think you'd be more crazy for believing her lies. And someone who can just bounce on you like that, and leave her child behind with no forwarding address - well, surely you know they are able to disassociate quickly and may do it again.
> 
> It's one thing if you'd been having fights and she was threatening to leave or saying it wasn't working, but it seems she just up and left one day.


:iagree:

The only thing that makes you crazy is your under-reaction to what she did. Is this a woman you could ever trust again. What if next time she runs off with your kiddo?


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## cueball (Jul 29, 2014)

Appreciate the feedback. 

I should in fairness let you know three things

1. She had a prescription drug problem at the time (detoxed her 3 times - no effect on our daughter thank goodness). 

2. She also had a father that sexually abused her (but that was 15 years before this incident)

3. I did three deployments to Iraq (6 months) with the Army before this as well. 

Since then she has been a good mother. finished up an MBA (on my GI Bill) and much better wife (until recently).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

cueball said:


> Since then she has been a good mother. finished up an MBA (on my GI Bill) and much better wife (until recently).


We have told you you're not crazy and now you're saying she's a good mother and better wife. If that is the case then great. But it's not hard to understand why you are still bothered. That is a LOT of sh*t that happened.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your not crazy that it bothers you.
You'd be crazy if it did not bother you.


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## cueball (Jul 29, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> We have told you you're not crazy and now you're saying she's a good mother and better wife. If that is the case then great. But it's not hard to understand why you are still bothered. That is a LOT of sh*t that happened.


It Is a lot of stuff. Trying to reconcile the damage done versus who she is now - not working as well as I hoped. Seems that everyone thinks she did have sex with the guy so I'm not crazy for not believing her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Who's telling you that you are crazy?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You are not just crazy, you are completely out of your F'in mind.

Your wife dropped off her kid at neighbors and abandoned the child?

She went off with another dude and has BALLS to tell you she didn't **** him?

And you actually believe that ****?

And now that she blew her money and has no more resources to do the same, she came back crawling to you.....as her "fling" probably kicked her to the side now that she is broke?

There would be no other goal in my life other than getting FULL custody of my child and running as FAR away from this crazy ***** as possible.

Sorry for strong words, but this is just beyond crazy.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

sounds pretty far gone....


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Listen to what people are trying to tell you on here.

You said she had issues before in the past, but had been cool prior to this. That's great and all, but I'm only here to discuss what she did to bring you to us. There's no excuse for her actions. Amd the fact that she can't fully disclose what all she did... shows you she isn't serious about moving forward. I mean, she is insulting your intelligence by telling you nothing happened. 

If my wife had justa few hours of unexplained hours with a man, iI'm going to assume the worst. I wish you the best, a lot of us could try and work out a ONS. I don't think i could work out abandoning our family for this long. Best believe she had no desire to return to you untill the OM showed his true colors and dumped her once the money dried up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Im sorry, but you seem to be in denial.
As said above, nobody does that without having sex.
"Just hooked up" is still having SEX with someone.

It would be a slowly simmering pot on the back burner of my mind that she cant fess up and tell you the straight truth.

I feel for you, I really do.
That kind of pressure cant be fun.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

cueball said:


> Let me give you some background. About 5 years ago my wife decided she "couldn't do this anymore" and dumped our then 3 year old daughter with a neighbor and left the state. No forwarding address etc. Four months later we reconciled but the information i learned during that process is still troubling me. Here is a synopsis of what happened the months before and during her "break".
> 
> She flew him to town and stayed in a hotel when she was suppose to be at her sisters. Stayed in a hotel with him the first week she was in his area (out of state). She sent him numerous adult pictures and videos of herself while still at our marital home. She moved in with him using money from selling her engagement ring and anniversary jewelry. She emptied our joint bank accounts and sold her car to fund the rent and their lifestyle (gambling, football games, dinners, gifts, etc). When she finally came back to visit our daughter she would talk to him and tell him she loved him. There is more that is enough for now
> 
> She swears she did not love him (she just said it at the time) and they never had intercourse, "just hooked up". The facts to me don't support that and that feeling of her never telling me the complete truth still causes nightmares. So my question is do I am seem crazy for this still bothering me?


No...you're crazy for taking her back.

SERIOUSLY?!?! She sells her rings, disappears for 4 months....IS OBVIOUSLY LIEING....and you just take her back....and aren't supposed to be bothered?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

cueball said:


> Appreciate the feedback.
> 
> I should in fairness let you know three things
> 
> ...


Yeah, abandoning her child for 4 months...or more specifically 8% of your childs entire life!!! and totally abandoning you and your marriage and selling her rings SCREAMS mother and wife of the year.


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## cueball (Jul 29, 2014)

Time to do some real serious thinking about this. You all have made some great points. Thanks!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I would suggest STD test too if you have been intimate with her since her "fling".

I still can't believe she try to sell you that line, and you actually bought it.

Of course they had sex, come on now. What do you think? They cuddled for months in the hotel room?


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Women don't uproot their entire lives, leave their children behind, pawn off their engagement rings, send XXX pics and empty their marital bank accounts to move in with a man they do not love/never had sex with.
> 
> I think you'd be more crazy for believing her lies. And someone who can just bounce on you like that, and leave her child behind with no forwarding address - well, surely you know they are able to disassociate quickly and may do it again.
> 
> It's one thing if you'd been having fights and she was threatening to leave or saying it wasn't working, but it seems she just up and left one day.


We knew a family that this actually did happen. She want "off the deep end" and just left. Clearly some mental issues where going on but it also sounded like a mid-life explosion and she wanted change. It was sad/crazy to watch the dad/daughters (all late teens or older) deal with this.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

cueball said:


> Time to do some real serious thinking about this. You all have made some great points. Thanks!


Okay, this really isn't that complicated if you're trying to figure out how you should feel and act.

Think about when your child would sit there completely dejected asking "where's mommy?" That pain, anguish, confusion and loss in their eyes....think of how that made you feel. Now recognize who is 100% responsible for it.....

Now deal with the person who caused your child that much pain and sorrow accordingly!!

I'm sorry, but if my wife did that, after 4 months, I'd DESPISE her. I'd LOATHE here for what she did to my child. I couldn't, amicably, be in the same room with her for more than 5 minutes. And she wouldn't have access to our child until she got REAL mental health and medication.


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## cueball (Jul 29, 2014)

Got the test - all good. She has done the real mental health and medical attention needed. There is lies my problem - I do not now or have ever bought it. I do despise her at times which is not a healthy place for me to be in mentally.


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

My good friend I believe you need to recognize in yourself your desire to be your wife's White Knight. Especially as you are former military with multiple deployments under your belt, I'd wager that you have a strong sense of trying to help and protect her, along with the drive to never give up or leave behind a friend.

It is a sad but nonetheless true point that many of us men tend to be attracted to women with a host of personality issues. That isn't of course to say that such women are irrevocably damaged, I'm simply saying that *anyone* irrespective of gender must have their own mental affairs at least understood and in decent working order before bringing someone else like a spouse into the fold. Your wife had quite the set of issues before you two married, and it doesn't sound as if those things had been addressed prior to it.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

cueball said:


> It Is a lot of stuff. Trying to reconcile the damage done versus who she is now - not working as well as I hoped.


No surprise there.

You took her back even though you never got the truth.

Big mistake right there.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

cueball said:


> Four months later we reconciled


sorry, sound crazy to me! lol. WHY would you let that cheater back into your and your daughter's life?

alright, maybe that is too harsh....maybe "overly optimistic" would be a better term. You were shocked by her action, and rightfully just wanted things back to normal. What you did not realize at the time was the "normal" her...you never knew...it was all a façade--nothing to go back to.

not too late to re-assess your decision at that time!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

cueball said:


> Appreciate the feedback.
> 
> I should in fairness let you know three things
> 
> ...


it is likely she had an ongoing, or multiple, affairs when you were gone. I think you are too forgiving of her behavior....at the least you need a FULL accounting by her. Try the lie detector method....that is probably the only way you will get a good look atwhat the truth is.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

Hire a divorce lawyer and leave immediately


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## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

Why the hell would you want to be married to someone like her? If I were you I'd get rid of her asap without thinking. Are you really ok with her cheating on you and telling those completely ridiculous lies? It's so insulting that she would try to convince you that they didn't have sex.


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