# Already on the rocks ONE week into marriage?!?!



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I know I haven't been here in a couple of years, but I just got married on June 2. He was sweetest guy I'd ever met, innocent, had all the qualities I wanted in a person. He was also the best worker at our job, and our manager's favorite. That really drew me to him. He's younger than me, so I've always known he had immaturities.

A few months into dating, his dad approached me and told me that DH is, basically, an a$$hole. That he doesn't care about anyone but himself, has destroyed their property before, called his mom names, and has been completely disrespectful so I should be warned. DH didn't show any of these qualities, so I wrote him off as crazy. Especially when he was saying things like "I have to get him out of the house or I'm literally going to kill him".

Well, we move in together, and they say you really get to know someone that way, and nothing really happened. We got in a few bad arguments, but they stopped when I got pregnant, and I figured it was just us getting to know each other. Even during the wedding, he was bawling during the whole thing, from me walking down the aisle until we left the building. I thought, I definitely made the right decision.

Our honeymoon was a dream. Until the end. I got crab legs for the 3rd time (I had paid for one of the times). He realized he was short on money and blew the freak up. He said I had blown all his money on crab and souvenirs, I told him I Had no idea he was short on money or I would have gotten fast food. He blamed it on me and told me if I didn't get a job he'd leave me. (I've been staying at home from being too sick to work during the pregnancy.) HE SAID THIS ON OUR HONEYMOON. I tried to dust it off and thought he didn't mean it, was just really stressed and it was my fault for not getting a job.

So then again, almost a week into the marriage. I found out he's been lying to me and I confronted him. He blew up on me, started yelling at me, mentioned the one pile of laundry I've not done when I just busted my butt on the whole house. That made me cry. He also told me he understood why my exes had lied to and abused me. After the fight, he was very nice and sweet, kept asking me if I'm okay and keeps trying to hold my hand and kiss me. 

I tried to talk to family about what was going on (a cousin married 21 years who told me he's being very abusive). He found out and blew up and said I'm not allowed to talk to people about our problems. And acted butthurt for a while.

At this point I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. Please. Not again. I went through too much and it took so much to get back on my feet that I can not stand to go through this again. What do you guys think? Am I blowing it out of proportion? Provoking him somehow? I don't know what to do.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I had a friend from college who married a man who seemed reasonable and lovable. They married and had a few squabbles about money, but nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. My friend became pregnant and had some really bad complications that put her on complete bed rest for the last four months of the pregnancy, forcing her to quit her job (This was before the Family and Medical Leave Act-I'm that old). About a month before she delivered her husband came into the bedroom and screamed "If you don't get a job in the next week-we're over." Needless to say, she didn't get a job. She went into the hospital to deliver and while she was there, her husband moved his girlfriend into their home, and delivered divorce papers to her in the hospital.

Of course, your H isn't my friend's ex. Nor am I trying to suggest that he has a GF. But just to show that when a spouse makes unreasonable, and totally unexpected accusations about money at inappropriate times, there's often something else going on.

I think there's something else going on with your H. Deal with it now, or deal with it in the divorce.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

This ain't gonna help you now, but if his pops is telling you he is bad news, you should have stayed away. I mean, that's his dad. The man who made him (and possibly didn't help him find the help he needs). 

You ahould stage an intervention with his family. He isn't going to like it, and it may make things worse, which, well, does it matter? Tell him he has to get help and everyone needs to support you. Not saying it will work, but really, what else can you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I remember your story very well. This is sounding like a repeat of your first marriage.


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## StilltheStudent (Sep 14, 2015)

This has "Future-Physical Abuser" written all over it.

Run. Now.

Seriously.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Oh dear Lord.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I'll try to summarize. He was a very sheltered and innocent person, he was 22 and had been homeschooled living with strict Christian mom and was a virgin who had never done anything. He had only had 1 other relationship that was horrible. Anyway, we moved in together so we wouldn't have to live with our parents. It was a convenience thing.
> 
> He completely fulfilled my emotional needs in a way that no one else ever had. He was really passionate towards me and showed his loving emotions more than most men ever would. He was just really sweet and respectful and was more into me than I was ever used to. When we moved in together, I learned of how immature he was and how he didn't know how to do bills or finances AT ALL. He was also really gullible. I tried to help him out. Anyway, here are the things that have happened:
> 
> ...


Is this the guy you married? ^^^


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

spinsterdurga said:


> I agree. Why did you rush? I remember you being married in 2014. Two years later you're married again?
> 
> I'm sorry but your current husband is just like your ex husband.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I don't know what to do.



Please, I'm begging you. Do not get a divorce. You're going to regret it and it isn't worth it.....








Get an annulment instead!


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I know I haven't been here in a couple of years, but I just got married on June 2. He was sweetest guy I'd ever met, innocent, had all the qualities I wanted in a person. He was also the best worker at our job, and our manager's favorite. That really drew me to him. He's younger than me, so I've always known he had immaturities.
> 
> A few months into dating, his dad approached me and told me that DH is, basically, an a$$hole. That he doesn't care about anyone but himself, has destroyed their property before, called his mom names, and has been completely disrespectful so I should be warned. DH didn't show any of these qualities, so I wrote him off as crazy. Especially when he was saying things like "I have to get him out of the house or I'm literally going to kill him".
> 
> ...


Hell to the no, you're not over reacting. Annul the marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel,

How long have you dated this guy? Is this the guy you started to date and lived with right after you left your first husband? 

You hardly know this guy. His father gave you an honest warning. You ignored it.

What you are seeing now is the tip of the iceberg. It will only get worse. You need to divorce this guy. 

So now you have two children with two abusive men. You need to get into counseling.

Is your ex at least helping with child support?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have to just shake my head, Ariel. You didn't learn a damn thing and now you are bringing an innocent child into your disaster of a life. The man's FATHER told you he was bad news, for crying out loud...no clearer sign than that to GTFO.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Cut your losses, get an anullment and then stop getting married to losers.

Stop getting married period.

Its an exercise in futility. On a good day.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Kristin, no this is a different guy. Spinisterdurga, I just thought it had been enough time. Ellegirl, my daughter's father is a great father to her and gets her half the time, so no child support. 

I wasn't trying to bring a child into a bad environment, I thought it was a good one, I thought his dad was crazy because he made comments about wanting to kill him and stuff. And iT's not even his real dad.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Also I thought an annulment isn't possible if you've lived as husband and wife for any amount of time


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Kristin, no this is a different guy. Spinisterdurga, I just thought it had been enough time. Ellegirl, my daughter's father is a great father to her and gets her half the time, so no child support.
> 
> I wasn't trying to bring a child into a bad environment, I thought it was a good one, I thought his dad was crazy because he made comments about wanting to kill him and stuff. And iT's not even his real dad.


Your son's stepdad threatened to kill your son?

You are familiar with restraining orders?

Whether you can get an annulment or not is irrelevant, you want out. An annulment is just faster than a divorce but the end result is pretty much the same.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

My husband's stepfather threatened to kill him


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your picker is definitely broken.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Kristin, no this is a different guy. Spinisterdurga, I just thought it had been enough time. Ellegirl, my daughter's father is a great father to her and gets her half the time, so no child support.
> 
> I wasn't trying to bring a child into a bad environment, I thought it was a good one, I thought his dad was crazy because he made comments about wanting to kill him and stuff. And iT's not even his real dad.


Well, it is what it is. So now what are you goin to do?


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I don't know. I just found out he texted another girl the night before our wedding too. I know nothing happened because I read the messages, she seemed completely disinterested, he was the one being very flirty.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> My husband's stepfather threatened to kill him


How old is this guy you married?

Did his step father really threaten to kill him? Or was he using an exaggeration to express his extreme frustration? Some people talk like that, but do not mean that they intent to kill anyone.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Also I thought an annulment isn't possible if you've lived as husband and wife for any amount of time


IIRC, you can get an annulment if he misrepresented himself (which he clearly did), even if the marriage was consummated. Contact an attorney to be certain... and get out of there!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Also I thought an annulment isn't possible if you've lived as husband and wife for any amount of time


An annulment is possible no matter how long you lived together as husband and wife if the marriage is based on fraud. For example I know a guy who was already married and then married another woman. His new wife got an annulment two years later when she found out that he was already married.

You don't have fraud in your situation. You cannot get an annulment. But you can get a quick divorce. Just use your first divorce as the basis, type it up, print it out and file it. Done.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If you won't listen to people who know the two of you, what makes us think you'll listen to total strangers? I don't know why you ignored his dad's warnings but, obviously, you think you know best so carry on.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Wholly pumpkin shift!!!
Ariel, how times flies, you were just leaving your ex a little over a year ago, and I was just filing my divorce papers, now your already married again and I still haven't wrapped up my divorce...

I guess you didn't take any bodies advice to slow down and take time to find yourself...

One word!

TRAIN-WRECK😠

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mclane said:


> Your son's stepdad threatened to kill your son?
> 
> You are familiar with restraining orders?
> 
> Whether you can get an annulment or not is irrelevant, you want out. An annulment is just faster than a divorce but the end result is pretty much the same.


No, her son's step dad did not threaten to kill her son. She does not have a son.

Her new husband's step dad warned her about the guy she married, before she married him. In expressing his frustration/anger at the guy she married, his stop father said something about being so frustrated that he could kill his step son.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)




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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

This guy seems like bad news. Texted another girl the night before your wedding...has a temper and he overreacts to things.
I think you might have jumped into this a bit quickly. 
I would take a huge step back. The both of you need IC and if you are going to make this marriage work MC.
How old are you?


Sent from my iPhone


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I'm not trying to be a train wreck or disregard anyone's advice. I actually did go to counseling and got on antidepressants and was in counseling. I thought I was okay. So, new relationship. I really thought I had gotten it right this time and I do not religiously believe in waiting a super duper long time to marry. I had been with him 9 months before marriage. I thought it was long enough, paired with the 6 months of living together. So no, not trying to disregard anyone's advice or else I wouldnt even be on here. I disregarded his dad because I'd never heard anyone speak in such a way. It wasn't an expression, he was serious and he let me know so. I do value you guys's opinion very much.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I'm 22


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

His father was right.

Divorce him. Sorry.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Kristin, no this is a different guy. Spinisterdurga, I just thought it had been enough time. Ellegirl, my daughter's father is a great father to her and gets her half the time, so no child support.
> 
> I wasn't trying to bring a child into a bad environment, I thought it was a good one, I thought his dad was crazy because he made comments about wanting to kill him and stuff. And iT's not even his real dad.


You posted about that guy in March of 2015, how long were you with this gem before you married him?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I'm not trying to be a train wreck or disregard anyone's advice. I actually did go to counseling and got on antidepressants and was in counseling. I thought I was okay. So, new relationship. I really thought I had gotten it right this time and *I do not religiously believe in waiting a super duper long time to marry. I had been with him 9 months before marriage.* I thought it was long enough, paired with the 6 months of living together. So no, not trying to disregard anyone's advice or else I wouldnt even be on here. I disregarded his dad because I'd never heard anyone speak in such a way. It wasn't an expression, he was serious and he let me know so. I do value you guys's opinion very much.


Why are you in such a hurry to make decisions that are supposed to last for a lifetime? 

Are you able to support yourself? Do you need someone's help with that? Is that why you rush into living together and marriage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I do not religiously believe in waiting a super duper long time to marry. I had been with him 9 months before marriage. I thought it was long enough, paired with the 6 months of living together.


I’m not trying to give you a hard time, but instead trying to help you realize some things.

Do you realize what a contradiction the above statement is? There is nothing in Christianity that says that people need to marry quickly, or even how long they need to wait to get married. But there are things against fornication (sex outside of marriage). Your statement makes no sense.

In biblical days, a girl’s parents got her engaged at about age 12. She married a year or two after that. She had little to no choice. Her chosen husband was usually much older than she. Our customs for marriage are different today… we date and pick our own spouses. So waiting makes sense. Using a non-existing religious ‘rule’ to excuse jumping into marriage too quickly is just silly.

When dating and starting a relationship, there is something that you need to keep in mind. It is that for the first 18 to 24 months, you are in an ‘infatuation’ period. This is when the body/brain is pouring out tons of feel good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. It gives both of you a HUGE high and makes you not see the faults of the other person. It also makes people be on their best behavior. So, if you want to know what a person is really like, date for 24 months. After that they will start to show who they really are.

In your case, the pregnancy probably hastened the end of your husband’s infatuation period. He’s back to just being himself… no more fun brain chemicals to keep him acting like a good guy. This is all very predictable.

The safe way to do it is to date for 24 months, get engaged with a marriage one year later.

You married both of your husbands far too quickly. And you both are too young to be married. The highest divorce rates are for marriages in which the woman is under 25 and/or the man is under 30. Add low income to it and the divorce rate is through the ceiling. Add a child from a previous marriage and it’s even worse.. 70% or more.

You say that your now husband in younger than you are. So how old is he? 18? 20?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I disregarded his dad because I'd never heard anyone speak in such a way. It wasn't an expression, he was serious and he let me know so.


Did you tell your boyfriend what his step father said? Does he still have anything to do with is stepfather?

If you think that the guy was serious, then you need to get a restraining order against him and make sure that he never has anything to do with your new baby.

As I recall, your ex was doing some pretty scary things too … even around your daughter. But now he’s a great father?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

I don't even want to touch this one....


GusPolinski said:


> Oh dear Lord.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Common denominator = bad picker


EleGirl said:


> Did you tell your boyfriend what his step father said? Does he still have anything to do with is stepfather?
> 
> If you think that the guy was serious, then you need to get a restraining order against him and make sure that he never has anything to do with your new baby.
> 
> As I recall, your ex was doing some pretty scary things too … even around your daughter. But now he’s a great father?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jdawg2015 said:


> Common denominator = bad picker


Yep, Ariel needs more counseling, more time on her own growing up, to take care of her children and to become financially independent.

Only then should she even consider another relationship.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I’m not trying to give you a hard time, but instead trying to help you realize some things.
> 
> Do you realize what a contradiction the above statement is? There is nothing in Christianity that says that people need to marry quickly, or even how long they need to wait to get married. But there are things against fornication (sex outside of marriage). Your statement makes no sense.
> 
> ...


Sadly some sects do insist on people marrying quickly so that they can resist the temptations of the flesh before they marry.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, Ariel needs more counseling, more time on her own growing up, to take care of her children and to become financially independent.
> 
> Only then should she even consider another relationship.


That's what everyone told her the last time. Be single for a while, learn more about herself, concentrate being a mother, another relationship should be the last thing she should get into.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You're 22 (I'd forgotten how very young you are) and he's even younger? That's a scary thought. You need to go back to therapy and figure out why you feel the need to jump so quickly into marriage (pregnancies aside). You were around 19 when you got married the first time, IIRC. And there were at least a couple of relationships after that ended and before this one started. We urged you to be on your own for awhile after your divorce so you could find out who you are. There was a reason for that. I hope this time you do the work that's needed or you'll be back here in another year with a similar story.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

You can likely get this annulled like it never happened since it's a week into the marriage.

This guy may not be terrible, he's likely just way too young to be married and deal with the responsibility of being a husband and father in modern society.

But this likely isn't going to work long-term.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

This is probably not what you want to hear, but I think your picker is broken, and therapy could help fix it.

Didn't your ex husband cheat with other men?

And you got married again already?

And don't you have a child from that first marriage?

Where is the child in all of this drama?



ariel_angel77 said:


> I know I haven't been here in a couple of years, but I just got married on June 2. He was sweetest guy I'd ever met, innocent, had all the qualities I wanted in a person. He was also the best worker at our job, and our manager's favorite. That really drew me to him. He's younger than me, so I've always known he had immaturities.
> 
> A few months into dating, his dad approached me and told me that DH is, basically, an a$$hole. That he doesn't care about anyone but himself, has destroyed their property before, called his mom names, and has been completely disrespectful so I should be warned. DH didn't show any of these qualities, so I wrote him off as crazy. Especially when he was saying things like "I have to get him out of the house or I'm literally going to kill him".
> 
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I'm 22


I think I told you back then about my DD. She's almost 26. She's working on her Masters/PhD. She's been dating her boyfriend for two years this month. They might get married in fall of 2017. But they're in no hurry cos they're both busy living their lives and they're just taking it slow and enjoying being young adults. 

And before that, she only dated two guys throughout her first four years of college. She just didn't NEED to have a guy around. She didn't need to be able to say some guy 'chose' her. She enjoyed being alone. She didn't spend endless hours wondering if she'd ever find a mate. In other words, she loved herself too much to make having a mate the most important thing in her life.

You said you went to IC, but how much of that time did you spend working on improving your self worth? Learning to love yourself? Doing HOMEWORK on a consistent basis to learn to love yourself? Doesn't sound like you did ANY of that.

And, btw, I agree - pack up your stuff and MOVE AWAY from him and then file for an annulment.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Wow, some of you guys are harsh. Nora Jane, suggesting I got married so I could mooch off of him? Nice. And richie33, I knew you never liked me because of my stance on porn and other things. I already explained how I wasn't trying to disregard anyone's advice. Yes, Elegirl, I do fail at being a Christian sometimes. There were many times during the relationship I would try to stop having sex due to my religion, no one is perfect in their religion. He is 18 years old. I wish some of you would have compassion before being so judgmental. Several people here make the same mistakes and you guys aren't nearly as harsh on them. Why me? It's almost like I'm a laughing stock here as the girl who's an idiot with bad relationship decisions. And calling me a trainwreck? How is that even allowed here? Completely insulting and unhelpful. I just came for advice on my marriage because you guys are very knowledgable about whether someone is being abused and what to do about it. I feel like if it was anyone else you guys would have advised to go to marriage counseling. Or something like he's acting like his age, and he won't be mature for a while. I don't know. Just not rubbing my past in my face. Which includes someone cheating on and abusing ME.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ariel, the thing is, you got a TON of great advice last time you were here. And I get that, at your age, you think dating for nine months is _forever_ and that you did good by waiting THAT long, thinking you were following our advice. 

But just like an abuser can't change without YEARS of therapy and really WANTING to change, a person who's been an abuse victim can't go to IC for a few months and come out the other end smarter and changed and able to pick out the creeps. 

And I know you think you vetted him properly and it really sounds like he put on his best behavior. But if you really went to indepth therapy to learn all about abuse and abuse victims, you would have come away able to EASILY spot the symptoms, and you never would have dated him a second time. I can usually spot one in the first 30 minutes. There are tells that abusers make, and IC will help you learn that and learn to do it yourself.

But what to do now? You've got two kids now, so your possible paths in life are narrowed. But you can still have a great life. I just wish you would BACK AWAY FROM MEN altogether for AT LEAST 3 or 4 years. You need that time to focus on your kids anyway. They need you. With all the unsettledness in their lives, the ONE thing they need more than anything is a mom who cares ONLY about them so they know they're wanted and loved. And their first five or six years, it's crucial to know this because this determines their temperament for the rest of their lives.

PLEASE leave this man, get a divorce, and stay away from men for awhile. You truly don't need a man beside you for you to be a complete, lovable, healthy person. You really don't. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. THEY are your priority now.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I don't know. I just found out he texted another girl the night before our wedding too. I know nothing happened because I read the messages, she seemed completely disinterested, he was the one being very flirty.


Ugh. As if your OP wasn't enough. DTMFA!!!!!!!!!!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He's 18? This guy won't be mature enough for marriage for another 7-8 years. Get an annulment and be thankful that you uncovered his true personality so quickly.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@ariel_angel77 Hi I'm sorry you're in this situation. 
Your husband is only 18, being married & having children at a young age can be very stressful. 
His anger outbursts & texting other women are signs that he wants to leave the reality that is married life.
He probably had trouble with his parents & likely settled with you to escape from them. 

Would he consider marriage counseling with you? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> *He's 18? This guy won't be mature enough for marriage for another 7-8 years.* Get an annulment and be thankful that you uncovered his true personality so quickly.


Good thing my husband didn't get that memo lol. He turned 19 just 2 months after we got married (I was 24).

But I do agree she needs to get out of this marriage, pronto. This guy is abusive.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

turnera said:


> ariel, the thing is, you got a TON of great advice last time you were here. And I get that, at your age, you think dating for nine months is _forever_ and that you did good by waiting THAT long, thinking you were following our advice.
> 
> But just like an abuser can't change without YEARS of therapy and really WANTING to change, a person who's been an abuse victim can't go to IC for a few months and come out the other end smarter and changed and able to pick out the creeps.
> 
> ...


ariel, PLEASE PLEASE read this over and over and take it to heart. PLEASE.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

lol. I married at age 26 and was too young. I'll be divorced tomorrow!

Get an annulment. Sucks but you are way to young to get married and pick someone that is compatible with you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ariel, those of us who posted in your previous threads suggested therapy -- and not just a little -- for you to find out who you were before you got involved in another relationship. We did so because you are very young and need help and apparently have no one in real life to point you in the right direction. So if we come across as frustrated this time it's because we likely are. You have jumped into another marriage with an 18 year old boy who was not ready (few 18 year old boys are -- wasn't your former husband around that age also when you married him). I'm guessing he doesn't make much money and now he has a pregnant wife who isn't working and apparently he will be supporting your daughter when you have custody if you don't go back to work soon. So, yes, he's probably very stressed and acting out and likely will continue. 

You are about to have your second child. What you do obviously impacts their lives. Please go back into therapy -- for yourself and for your children. The road you are on is not where you need to be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that the responses you are getting are out of frustration. You got so much input before about getting into counseling (you need years of it), not getting into another relationship, taking care of yourself first, getting your education so that you can support yourself nd your DD.

What you see as harsh is many of us reacting to not knowing how to reach you in a way that will make a difference in your life. I guess it's a verbal shaking. .trying to drum some sense into your head. You are not a bad person. You have good intentions. You just lack good role models and a good support system in your real life.

The reason that I did not suggest marriage counseling is that you said he did not want to go to marriage counseling. That sort of blows it out of the water.

Does he really earn enough to support you and children? Can you get on any sort of welfare if you are having problems with the pregnancy or at least until you can get a job? What do you think you can do?


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Ariel, this guy is a dikkhead. He isn't going to change into a better man. It sounds like he needs to be dumped by a few more women before he will realize he needs a better approach to keeping a woman. If you stay with him you will only reinforce that he can treat women this way.

Sadly, your not going to get an annulment, certainly not while having a child with him, courts aren't going to take away this child's right to be the child of the marriage. If you leave him, this will be your 2nd divorce in two years. I think you should avoid marriage all together from now on.

Your salvation is secure in Christ, and he should be the only Man in your life for awhile. He wouldn't look at you any differently, whether married once, twice, or five times. He is all that you really need.

_The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty*and have to keep coming here to draw water.”_  -John 4:15

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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

Hi Ariel,

Wow, what a bad situation. I can relate in that I got married to someone before I was truly ready for a marriage. I was on the rebound from a 10 year relationship which had very recently ended in a dramatic and unexpected, very painful manner. I met my W when I was about a month out of that relationship. 

I know that some people can be extremely judgmental. I never got that treatment here, but I did on other boards I frequented. I don't visit those boards any longer specifically because some of the other members were so nasty. 

So I get that we all make mistakes, and that we try to live and learn from them. 

I am also married to someone who can be abusive. Your H sounds like he's more angry and intense than my W (he's also 30 years younger), but I see some behavior that I recognize in your story. In my case, I insisted that my W get her butt into therapy and that I see some changes in her attitude and behavior, otherwise I was walking. She did as I asked and things are better now - not perfect, but better. She is able to rein in her nastiness more often than not, I am not feeling attacked the way I used to, and she treats me much more respectfully much more of the time. So in my case, I did something to make my marriage healthier. I should add that I also got into IC and attend some self-help meetings to help me take better care of myself, and it's something I highly recommend for you as well.

Whatever you do, don't let this situation continue without addressing it. Given your and your H's young ages I tend to agree that a divorce and then, trying marriage again when you're older and wiser, is probably the best choice. But we do not always make what other people consider to be the "best choice" and that is OK. None of us do. It does mean that we have to take our lumps at times. I would hate to see your H hurt or God forbid even kill you or your babies. It has happened. So whatever you decide take care.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Good thing my husband didn't get that memo lol. He turned 19 just 2 months after we got married (I was 24).
> 
> But I do agree she needs to get out of this marriage, pronto. This guy is abusive.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Did I say all men? No, I said *this* guy.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Did I say all men? No, I said *this* guy.


My apologies. I misread. 

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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

My ex (44) is 11 years older than I (33), not an ounce of self discipline.😞

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