# Does anybody practice MAD(Mutually Assured Divorce)



## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Mutual assured divorce (MAD) is a discussion (frank and open) in which a husband and wife agree an affair would effectively result in a divorce of both the cheater and the cheated on. It is based on the theory of deterrence according to which the result would be the end of the relationship. This effectively is a form of equilibrium, in which both sides are attempting to avoid their worst possible outcome—divorce or worse case end of the family unit.

My wife and I have such an agreement, matter of fact it was mentioned not more than 6 mths ago.

Once an affair happened the button pushed, and no going back.

Its been quite a deterrent, and many couples do practice it.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Did you just make that up? Is it a signed legal document? I assumed anyone who takes a marriage vow promises not to cheat. Why would you need to have a discussion?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

johnamos-
It sound like living in fear to me. If you have to make such an agreement, it does not bode well for the future if you need that hanging over your head to keep you together. I do know one couple who had such an agreement. I say had, becuase one of them had an affair and ran off with another bloke!

Why not wait until it happens and decide at the time whether it's beyond saving or not. I would not feel it was the end of my marriage. Don't forget, for every cheater, there might be a spouse who was being difficult to live with.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

there is always a reason why people cheat ... if the relationship was working and all needs were being met then there would be no reason to cheat .


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

johnamos said:


> Mutual assured divorce (MAD) is a discussion (frank and open) in which a husband and wife agree an affair would effectively result in a divorce of both the cheater and the cheated on. It is based on the theory of deterrence according to which the result would be the end of the relationship. This effectively is a form of equilibrium, in which both sides are attempting to avoid their worst possible outcome—divorce or worse case end of the family unit.
> 
> My wife and I have such an agreement, matter of fact it was mentioned not more than 6 mths ago.
> 
> ...



Is this Mad theory supposed to be some attempt at intellectualization that cheating will end in divorce?
Thank God I don't try to intellectualize everything and have good common sense as I can tell you cheating is not a good thing for a marriage.

I can think of no worse situation than to be nmarried to someone who intellectualizes and has no common sense. There could be no worse thing in a partner.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

but if a relationship is going no where ?? or your needs arnt being met i can see why people cheat


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Absolutely! Make me MAD long enough, I divorce you :rofl:


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Mark,

Again your logic eludes me, we all live happy in our lives with rules do not follow them you lose time of your life Laws/Prison.

Same for this issue.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Trev,

Under MAD you would simply end it before an affair.

I think that is great way to handle.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Preso,

Its for both partners, not one sided.

It provides both partners comfort and boundries.

Hey I drink, and get in car what happens there is no ticket.

Hey I cheat, and go home and caudight/confess there is no forgiveness unless other partner desires it.

Very clean, and simple.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

johnamos said:


> Mark,
> 
> Again your logic eludes me, we all live happy in our lives with rules do not follow them you lose time of your life Laws/Prison.
> 
> Same for this issue.


But I would not divorce my wife if she cheated. She would have to do something more annoying. Therefore your system is of no use to me.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

:iagree 

cant see why anyone would want this kind of clause ...why get married in the first place?? 
marriages can and do survive affairs !


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

johnamos said:


> Preso,
> 
> Its for both partners, not one sided.
> 
> ...


Does not seem like what I'd consider a marriage, but more an issue of seeking comfort and ones own way...
I've heard of some crazy things but to cheat to begin a divorce is pretty lame and immature.
Why not avoid all the drama and just ask for a divorce if you want one? do things to start the wheels in motion like finding your own place and an attorney.

I agree with humpty girl.

This idea should be called mutually shared destruction, it's some crazy stuff... to me, not even based in adult reality, very immature and child like.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

my husband and i made that agreement at the very beginning of our relationship. you don't want to be w/ me, fine. but don't go behind my back f*cking someone else and make a fool out of me.

we've both been cheated on in past relationships and neither 1 of us were going to tolerate it w/ each other

i can see how some people would take offence to that kind of agreement. i hope those people only feel that way coz they've never felt the pain and humiliation of being cheated on.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

wonder said:


> i can see how some people would take offence to that kind of agreement. i hope those people only feel that way coz they've never felt the pain and humiliation of being cheated on.


It's all on a spectrum surly?

For instance some people can't bear their spouse to look at a film-star on TV. At the other end of the scale, some couples are swingers. Everybody is somewhere on this spectrum.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

there is a spectrum. for instance, i never felt threatened when the ex looked at someone on tv. it wouldn't even have bothered me if he looked at porn once in a while. him asking me to be a swinger definitely would have bothered me

i'm just speaking from experience on the whole cheating thing.
i feel there is absolutely no reason to cheat. if you want someone else, then leave. you can't have your cake and eat it too.
sorry, i just have no sympathey for people who cheat then say they're sorry, they were confused and made a mistake. that's bull. for me it's you cheat, you're done, leave


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

wonder said:


> my husband and i made that agreement at the very beginning of our relationship. you don't want to be w/ me, fine. but don't go behind my back f*cking someone else and make a fool out of me.
> 
> we've both been cheated on in past relationships and neither 1 of us were going to tolerate it w/ each other
> 
> i can see how some people would take offence to that kind of agreement. i hope those people only feel that way coz they've never felt the pain and humiliation of being cheated on.


Wonder,

You already practicing it, and it works for you and hubby. We while never stated it is practicing the same.

Yes, people to whom have never experienced being cheated on then end of marriage looks at it quite differently.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i can tell you what ive learnt. if its going to happen, it will. paper enforcement or not. 
we take our vows, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse.til death do us part. 
thats enough to have to contend with. i just cant believe i took my vows twice - dull am i. lol

however what works for some ppl, doesnt work for others. thats why each to their own. glad it works for you.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Just, just think of it now if you had an affair its over automattically no discussion, crying and counseling.

I and wife find it comforting, an affair would just be pack a bag and say goodbye. Its like a gun in the closet with one bullet, you do not want to hold it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

But why does the thought of an affair hold so much fear for you?


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Mark,

Actually it doesn't having lived thru one already in a previous lifetime.

The MAD aspect is so favorable but like our nuclear arsenals push a button there is no going back.

Quite comforting.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

johnamos said:


> Quite comforting.


In the way that nukes are??? Hmmmm, not sure if I want to sleep with a nuke under my pillow 

But I respect your way of life  forgive my humour.


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