# Tried to give yet ANOTHER chance...think I'm really fed up this time



## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

I've posted on here before about my immature, pot-smoking, beer-drinking, non-working husband. After I started going to therapy a couple months back, he decided he'd better do something (guess he realized his meal ticket was getting fed up) so he got a job at a health foods store (mind you, he has a master's degree). He worked there 2.5 weeks, cussed his manager out when he was told to do something he didn't think he should have to do and got FIRED yesterday. He wasn't making a lot of money but it was at least helping to pay a couple bills.

He was mad as hell after it happened (of course, things like this are NEVER his fault...just his mean old boss who actually tried to tell him to do something) and now he's just back to his old lazy self, sitting around smoking up with no concrete plans to find work. 

I think I'm REALLY fed up this time. I don't love him and have known that for a while. I've stayed for the kids and so I wouldn't have to pay him alimony but I think that he has proven he can GET a job, but can't KEEP one due to his "anger problems" (they documented that as the reason for his firing, which will only help me in the divorce as he also has anger problems with me and the kids). 

I'm scared as I've gotten so used to this horrible situation (over 10 years now) and it's tough to change. I am definitely not one of those women who has decided to make over my life out of boredom - this is out of desperation, embarrassment and anger, oh and a LOT of care for my kids who I don't want to grow up and be like him or married to someone like him.

I have tried so hard to make this work. I've tried to be supportive, encouraging, helpful, I've spent lots of money on his wants and needs. I had decided it would be OK to live in a loveless marriage at least til my youngest turns 18. I'm not an old woman and I'm not an unattractive woman, though I've neglected myself a lot due to depression. No more - I'm exercising again and am going to become the person I used to be - strong, healthy and fit. NOT to find a man, but for me, so I can feel powerful and strong to prepare me for the hell I'm about to go through (divorcing him will be a living hell). I've gotten NO love for so long and haven't even considered an affair as it's just plain wrong in my belief system. It's time for me to start getting some of what I want and him to start supporting himself like a big boy.

That's where I am right now. So sick of it all...


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

You dont have to put up with that, there are better men out there. Besides youre basically raising your children already by yourself if you divorce him and move out atleast you wont have to support him as well.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

have to tell you im divorcing my grown up "child" and its been hard as hell but also freeing. for the first time in 10 years im putting myself (and son of course) first and it feels great to get my self some clothes and starting a yoga class, rather than his wants and video games first. no more financially supoorting him while.he sits on his ass playing video games. i wont lie its been hard not having whats familiar anymore but i feel better everyday and actually happy sometimes as i figure out who i am and what i like
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You have endured more than your fair share of his crap. Offload him onto himself or some other poor soul.


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

Unsure78 - what was the last straw for you to help you decide to leave? I feel like you do - I'm ready to have some time for me and to find out what I want out of life. Is your husband making the divorce really hard like trying to fight you on custody? I'm sure my husband would try that even though he has NO means to support the kids.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Actually he has made the divorce really easy, he didn't even retain a lawyer-of course im paying for the divorce and doing all the work but I expected that-

as far as the last straw he threatened he was going to leave one too many times ( 8 times in 7 months, he was also having an EA)- and i finally had enough the pain hes was putting me through along with his lack of contribution, i just couldn't take it anymore. Since he has left he is living for free with a buddy has gone thru 2 jobs in 3 months and is currently unemployed again. He has blown thru the money i gave him when he walked out the door and will soon be getting into debt. Due to that im divorcing him as quick as possible so he doesn't bring me down with him financially as he sinks. 

All i can say is when there is a next one, if there is a next one- I want a real MAN, not a child


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I have a similar situtaion being married to a grown-up child. Thinks it's just her lot in life to sit around the house and do a couple loads of laundry and that's it. Won't work. Can't cook. Can't keep the house clean. Pathetic. She will never ever change and neither will your husband. Get out. I tried once but she made idle threats about moving with my kids, so I'm back home for now. And I hate it.


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

Unsure - my husband will never leave the house. I'd have to get a lawyer and get him put out. He just won't do that. BeachGuy - my husband has also made threats about taking the kids and leaving. I am putting in a request with the State Dept. that I be notified if passports are obtained for my kids. If he abducts them in the States, not sure what I'll do. I sympathize and it's terrible to be stuck in a situation you really don't want to be in just due to spite and hatefulness (also refusal to change) by the other party.


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