# Please Help!



## sounsure (May 18, 2009)

I have a very embarrassing situation but I am trying to do my part in making my marriage work so here goes...One of my husband's biggest issue is about lack of sex and the fact that I do not initiate it. I, for some reason am nervous to initiate. I get a lot of anxiety. No mind you I have told him that if he is in the mood 99.9% of the time I am ready, willing and able. I will say that I get such anxiety around having sex it is ridiculous and I don't know how to overcome it. I enjoy sex tremendously but I have never had an orgasm while having sex and I get anxious about that too. I have had orgasms while masturbating or using a vibrator but only alone. I have come close a few times over the years with my husband to having an orgasm but it just has never happened and he tries so hard to get me off. Also I HATE being on top. I feel like I don't know what I am doing and I have always felt this way too. I'm not a teenager, I am in my 30s so its not like this is a new thing for me. I just don't know what to do. Anyone else out there that has experience with this?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

My first suggestion, is to get you to orgasm with him...

You obviously are a clitoral orgasm woman, you can't orgasm through penetration, but don't worry, this is VERY common. Some studies say that most women can't orgasm through penetration at all.

Get in a sexual position that leaves room for you to play with yourself/clitorus WHILE he is inside you. 

Doggy style works, but my favorite/wife's favorite is for me to be on top, but NOT laying on her. I'm upright almost like she would be if she was on top. She's laying down, I'm on my knees upright, but still having sex with her.

That leaves plenty of room for her to play with herself while we're having sex. You will probably find, as my wife did, that the orgasm is even more intense with penetration AND clitoral stimulation than it is with just clitoral stimulation.

You can also do this same position with a vibrator stimulating your clitorus.

I really think the initiation anxiety will die down some once you start having orgasms with your husband instead of solo.

It sounds like most of your sexual anxiety comes from lack of orgasms with your husband. You want him to know that he pleases you because he tries so hard.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

You are not alone sounsure.

That is interesting that some women can't orgasm by penetration. Hmm, I used to be able to do this, why not now? Is it something that can change?

You give good advice, but geesh, it gets so frustrating.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Alignment, alignment, alignment. You can have a orgasm via penetration if he is pounding your G-spot for a long time. You could add enhancement by riding on top of him while placing an egg vibrator right on your clitoris for internal/external stimulation. Our favorite egg vibe is: "The Space Explorer." it endures her abuse and has some serious vibration power.


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## sounsure (May 18, 2009)

thank you for the suggestions, I really do appreciate them. I am going to work on this!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I get really nervous about sex, too. I dont know what im doing. my H is my first so its all very new to me. Its hard for me to get over it, too. but my H and I are going to get books and we've talked about going to a sex therapist, although i think i would be too embarrassed for that.


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## tohaveandtohold (May 18, 2009)

How nice it is that your husband is understanding and intune with your needs - if he is making you feel relaxed about it all, including your anxiety - then go with it and use this to explore your needs and help me explore your body and let him know wat you like and need. You have this luxury of being able to talk to your partner..mine is in complete denial .. you seem to be in a loving relationship so relax -feel peace in the knowledge that ur husband wants to give you a great experience so lay back , close your eyes and let ur senses to the moving ...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sounsure-

I read your other thread to try and get some context. Before hubby moved out, how often were you having sex?


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## sounsure (May 18, 2009)

sometimes we would have sex a couple of times a week and other times a couple times a month...we kinda go through spurts but one of his biggest complaints is that I never initiate it atlhough I have told him in the past (numerous times) that I probably never will in the normal way but I do give signals. I guess I just really need to overcome my inhibitions and realize that I am a grown woman and it is okay to want/have sex...it is easier said than done though but I am really going to try my hardest...right now we are in the honeymoon phase again, he is being very careful to be thoughtful to me and show me the love and respect that I need. As long as that continues maybe it will be easier for me.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sounsure-

When someone never initiates sex, the other partner begins to assume they are not desired. That is probably why he moved out so easily - he felt he did not have a lot to lose.

However, on your side there was understandable resentment, which is the #1 killer of female libido. So it's chicken and egg...


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