# Amimad update



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Well I have been AWOL for nearly 2 weeks, there have been some HUGE changes in my life, I did feel like I needed a little time out, I was going through the motions, waiting for the Anti D's to even me out at bit, and decided that I needed to cut H out once and for all, which so many of you had said to do, but as most of you know and feel, it's not as easy as that, you still feel there's some hope :scratchhead: that you can change them back...

Well anyways, with the help and support of my friends, you know who you are  I bit the bullet and joined a dating site.. Shock horror gasp.. yeah I know, it seems a bit extreme, but I need to feel attractive and was looking for an ego boost really after the way my H had put me down so much.

When I made the profile, I stated I was looking for friendship, that I was newly seperated... Anyways. I received quite a few messages, so very odd ones granted, but I did also get some really nice ones.. I began to feel rather good about myself, I wasn't as bad as I'd been made out to be...

I was being nosey and looking through profiles, and came across one of a man with the most amazing tattoo's really stunning, and as some of you may know I adore tattoos and have a few myself. So I sent him a message... my one and only one that I sent as I was scared of the rejection.. but low and behold he replied.. we spent 4 hours chatting on the site, then he asked if I had facebook, we added each other on there.. 5 hours later, we swapped numbers, I bet your all gob smacked! 

He is 29 so a year and a half younger than me, he lives 20mins drive away from me, for the last 2 weeks, we have been in contact about for about 20 hours of the day! We had an amazing date, where he bought me flowers, opened the car door for me, refused to let me pay for anything. He calls me every night, I said I would call him, but he refuses telling me to keep my money for the children and I. 

He treats me with respect and compliments me all of the time.. 

He wants to protect me and the children from everyone and everything bad, he wants to build up my confidence, so I know that I am beautiful..

So.. Amimad's update.... She has a new boyfriend....
:lol:
I've never met anyone like it, or connected to anyone like this.. He's made me realise that the way my H treated me was abuse and I DO deserve better...

My H.. well he now lives in London, hasn't seen the kids for 3 weeks.. his choice.. he is seeing them this weekend... he does still pay maintence... I have now as of 2 days ago, informed him that I am seeing someone else and at some point soon (this Sunday infact) he would be meeting the children and I felt it was a good idea for him to hear it from me first. (although I owe him nothing!)

This is the reaction I got via email:

Sorry, typing out via text is a pain in the arse. I'm happy for you. Have the kids met him before? What happened to your no other people until the divorce rule? Not being arsey, just getting clarification. Is he someone I know and is that the reason you kicked me off FB? Did you finally get to the bottom of the belated Valentine's flowers mystery then? Don't read any of this in an arsey tone - I've just read it back and it could be taken that way.

There's going to be a couple of weekends when I can't see the kids coming up. One of them is the last weekend of this month but as there are some bank holidays over the Easter weekend I was thinking of doing a couple of trips with the kids if that's ok with you? Have I still got them on Saturday?

I said I was going to take them out for dinner one day this week but with work the way it is it's looking unlikely. I will be able to next week but we'll tie up later.

This is my reply:
Thank you. No the kids haven't, I told you before if I was going to bring someone into their lives it would have to be someone pretty special. Well you don't want a divorce atm, and I have the kids all the time I don't have any other option do I? Thats not meant to sound arsey either. It's just I can't expect my mum to babysit all the time, whereas you have all the space and time to do what you want. But if you do want to introduce someone to them all I ask is that it is serious and that you let me know first as I did with you.

No he's not the reason I deleted you off facebook, and nope still have no clue who the flowers are from! Guess I will never know the answer to that one.

Ok we'll I've got some plans around bank holidays but we can work around them and sort something out between us, I want them Easter Sunday due to the Easter bunny visiting the garden! But if you want them the Monday we can sort that out?
Did you plan at any point to have them over night? I know you mentioned it before, but we never said anything else. I am happy for you to just have them in the day if you cant. (Didnt want to get accused of dumping them due to the new man)

Yes Saturday is fine,there should be no issue with this coming weekend.
We may lead different lives, but we have our children in common, you're their Daddy and nothing will change that so long as you remain constant. I am not going to stop you from seeing them, it would be nice if we could just work together for the sake of them?

All I got in return was.....I'd like to get along too

So there you have it ladles and jellyspoons.... Amimad is happy, smiling feeling loved, and doesn't give 2 thoughts to her lying cheating soon to be (when he agrees to sign) ex husband...

Love to you all xxx

Any questions? heh


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Debs, I am so happy for you. I just hope you are whole enough to jump into a new relationship, guess that's the mom in me. But anyways, have fun, enjoy feeling loved, and go file for divorce darnit!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you Jen, it means alot, *hugs* I've never been a person to just jump into things for the wrong reasons and I am taking this very slow, he works evenings so we've agreed to just see each other at the weekends for now. He knows everything, I don't see the point of lying, it all comes out in the end anyway. 

But I think the thing that had me clinging onto my H was that I'd grown up with this man and he was all I knew, I defended him at every turn, what I thought was normal, really wasn't. He hurt me in so many ways, 3 weeks ago, I felt my blinkers had been whipped off, I started seeing him for what he really was and I knew that I didn't no matter how scared I was, that I didn't want to ever be with him again. I was fighting breast cancer, he was out partying, how could I ever forgive him for that alone??


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmI...i don't know why but your post made me cry.I don't know,may be I'm too sensitive at the moment...the moment of me and H. getting back together approaches and it makes me extremely emotional and very nervous.Things are still not very clear between us.
Don't get me wrong I'm so very happy for you BUT it's almost like I'm grieving for the end of a marriage.We went through so much together and it's just hard to see your Emails exchange.
I think I might have seen me and my H. in your Emails and how could have been(or could be) between us and it's hard to picture HIM being happy because I've found someone else.
Before I got to Liam's Email I though he would flip and tell you he is sorry and wants you back and it was a bit disappointing to find out that he really didn't care.

On the flip side I am happy for you girl, Liam obviously is OK with this whole thing and have you not found someone new you would have been stuck waiting and hoping and getting hurt over and over. You're a lucky girl to have that happen so fast.The guy seems really nice,I saw his profile picture ,he's cute.I'm sure you'll have a blast with him.
I believe in the quick relationships.H and I met and 2 months later we were so in love and ready to get married.2 months or 2 years,it doesn't matter, you know when you meet a special person.
I love you girl.I wish you more and more happiness ...you deserve it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I could throw out all kinds of cautions but truth is you probably couldn't be more hurt than what H put you through. You deserve happiness and I'm happy for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

I'm so so happy for you! I spent 2 days reading every single post in your thread, and have been wondering how things are going. Wow that seriously made me, like, PROUD of you and I don't even know you. WTG, girl!


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Hell yeah amimad! I was thinking Bout joining a site as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

AmIMad, it seems like you are jumping into a new relationship much too soon. You are still grieving and hurting. Why not take some time to be single again? Do you need a man to make you feel whole? You just met this guy and already he is your "boyfriend" who makes you "feel loved." Try to find love within yourself.
I met my husband when I could finally be okay with being alone and I was happy with MYSELF.
Of course, if you're happy, then good for you. I only wanted you to examine your motivations.
This sounds like a rebound situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*hugs* thank you all, for years I was in a hostile relationship and I didn't even realise, how sad and shocking is that? I mean, I knew some of the things he said and did wasn't right, but then he would be all loving and sweet...

After 15 long years I know now, that I couldn't have carried on the way I did, I think he has done me and my children a massive favour, they are soooo much happier now.

My new guy wants to thank my H for being a lowlife, or he would have never have met me LOL! xx


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Mrs G, I do see your point, but I did the rebound thing with PG.. This is different. I was on my own for 6 months, I did the grieving, I was ill and did it all by myself. I think I have come on enough to justify my own actions, the way I feel about my stbx is nothing like it was before, I feel indifferent towards him now.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Thanks for responding so nicely. Most would have became angry.
Six months is nothing compared to 15 years. I still think that you are rushing into a new relationship too fast. It takes YEARS to work out all your feelings after a long and unhappy marriage.
If you are indifferent to your ex, why do you care about what he says on FB? I think that's a valid question.
Anyways, I do not live in your head. Like I mentioned before, if you are happy, more power to you. *hugs*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AmImad said:


> So there you have it* ladles and jellyspoons.... *


:rofl:

Love it.

I am gald to see yo moving on and seeing your stbx for what/who he truly is. I will echo the others here who tell you to tread carefully. You are going through majorly traumatic events right now and it's be wise to be cautious.

Glad to see you happy


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

That is a good post for my birthday! While I could say it's too fast I won't. Joy comes in many different doses and even the very small doses are very worth having!


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Hello AmImad-I too was following your posts regularly, and it has really helped me to see what other people are going through, and the advice given on here. Have been logging on regularly for an update, but thought we would not hear from you again. So good to hear that you are now in a much better space. I do hope your health remains stable, and you recover fully after treatment!!
I still have my post on word, ready to copy and paste, if I ever actually finish it? Thi initial post isthe hardest I think.
Take care and be happy:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## team12 (Apr 16, 2011)

Best Wishes! I'm glad you are happy.


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Like alot of the other people on here....I have read all of your posts....I have never met you, but thru your writing I could tell you were getting stronger each day....you were giving me hope. Anyways, I understand the need and desire to have someone of the opposite sex in your life. It does help with the self esteem!!! Wishing you all of the best!!!! You deserve it!!!!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm a bit late for this party (I've never been good at being on time or punching a time clock  ). Normally my reaction would be akin to Mrs G's and for ME I think it holds true. I "rebounded" right from a failed relationship in my mid-20s right into marriage with my once-best friend turned Hubby and it's been a series of nightmare scenarios ever since. I can honestly say that I am NOWHERE near ready for dating or meeting anyone nor can I see it happening anytime in my immediate or even distant future. But I've THOUGHT of it given the recent series of events in my life, it's not out of the realm of possibility. But I have to finish and close this book before I open up another...

That said, I don't have any closure..yet. It's what I'm still working for. I've been following AIM's series of posts/threads for quite awhile and I AM seeing a stronger, different person. A more mature, more assertive, confident WOMAN who has been through the fire and emerged with a stronger coat of armor. I think she is going into this with eyes wide open and could use a bit of lovin' and companionship. And who could resist a 29 year old hottie with tats? I know the "cougar" in me can't! 

I see it this way. AIM has been thru HELL. She has had an A-hole for a spouse who has done an emotional number on her, gone through breast cancer, held herself and her family together and has shown more strength and resilience in her little finger than most of us have in our entire body! I have the utmost respect and confidence in her abilities! I think she's up for the challenge of a dating experience if only because you've never DONE it before!

I think you deserve some fun and lovin'. So have the guy take you out for dinner, engage in some great conversation, dress up, flirt, have fun, rub it in that A-hole of a STBX's nose a bit and just have a blast! Life is too short to be so darn SERIOUS all the time! Just keep things in perspective and don't get yourself MARRIED again and it's all good. :smthumbup:

I gotta say you've FAR outweighed my expectations. I wish you the BEST and I am JEALOUS. You are in a far better place then I am! 

Ok..now here's the GOLD STARS! :smthumbup:

:allhail:


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Thank you Freak! I am a completely different person I was a couple of months ago! I've had my eyes well and truely opened to my ****head of a husband, he's been with a new woman for the past couple of months, all the while telling me he was confused, he wasn't there for me throughout the cancer, he doesn't bother with the kids... he's just a waste of space!

Freak, for your viewing pleasure Welcome to Facebook - Log In, Sign Up or Learn More lol 
We've been together a month tomorrow, we spend weekends together, and talk constantly all week, he truly does treat me like a princess, with respect, even if he says/does stupid things sometimes (what man doesn't ) I don't see Mark as a rebound I think that was PG, when I slept with him, I felt guilt and cried for days that I had cheated on my H, but I don't feel like that at all now. 

Hahaha Marriage... well Mark has mentioned in, I just said I have one husband to get rid of thanks.. I'm happy just being in a stable relationship! He's a great father figure and my kids love him, in fact if you ask who they would rather see Daddy or Mark, it's Mark every time!

Because we've made the decision to only see each other at the weekends for the moment, it means we're not rushing in and enjoying the time we do have together. He's taken me to Live gigs (something I've never done) we take the kids out, we've met each other's families.

I do still have moments, where I miss my H, but after 15 years it's expected. Im sure deep down he's misses me, not that he would admit it. But I am 31, I want to feel wanted and not old before my time, my H screwed me over in every way possible and he still is trying to control me (whole other story) I know that I can never get back with him. xxx


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## lostdad (Apr 2, 2011)

Nice to hear an actual happy story on this site. Very inspiring for those of us staring divorce in the face.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

AmImad said:


> Thank you Freak! I am a completely different person I was a couple of months ago! I've had my eyes well and truely opened to my ****head of a husband, he's been with a new woman for the past couple of months, all the while telling me he was confused, he wasn't there for me throughout the cancer, he doesn't bother with the kids... he's just a waste of space! Good thing you are done with him!
> 
> Freak, for your viewing pleasure Welcome to Facebook - Log In, Sign Up or Learn More lol
> We've been together a month tomorrow, we spend weekends together, and talk constantly all week, he truly does treat me like a princess, with respect, even if he says/does stupid things sometimes (what man doesn't ) I don't see Mark as a rebound I think that was PG, when I slept with him, I felt guilt and cried for days that I had cheated on my H, but I don't feel like that at all now. I am so happy that you are happy. :smthumbup:
> ...


You still miss your husband because you are not over him yet. If you were truly indifferent to him, missing would not even be in your vocabulary. I can appreciate wanting to feel wanted....I just think that someone is bound to get hurt if you are trying to fit years of being together into a month.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think there is good in that you got rid of your husband and are taking steps to move on. Everyone has different ways of handling situations. I know that I couldn't date until a LOT of time had gone by. I don't trust myself and as Mrs. G pointed, I wouldn't be comfortable exposing my kids to my dating. 

My daughter did say to "find a nice boyfriend" when things were at their most grim but she also said that she didn't want to meet any boyfriends. I assured her that there wouldn't be any. Even when I was at my closest point of walking away from my H I never entertained the idea of dating because I tend to think the same way as Mrs G. 

But it seems to be working for you now. You've been through a hell of a lot and I think you to be cut some slack. Maybe all your decisions aren't for the best but it's something you need to work out for yourself. Just the fact that you got rid of that parasite of a husband is a huge positive factor that outweighs any real problems. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. And whatever you do..Don't go back to your husband!

Ah..Facebook. It's just not for me. I appreciate the invite though. 

First of all, I don't have the time and I don't want to be found by some classmate from 1976 who wants to be my "friend". I'm weird like that. I've met people from my childhood days, old schoolmates, etc and literally pretended that I didn't know them because I don't like my personal space invaded by strangers..and someone I haven't seen in 20 years qualifies as a stranger. 

I was at a restaurant a few years ago with my H and had a woman barge in on my meal with my H and start yabbering that she knew me from high school. She THEN proceeded to try and pull up a chair and sit at our table! I told her I didn't know her and to leave me alone and that I wasn't interested in talking to her. She left me alone for awhile and then, just as she was about to leave she came over and began to get hysterical, crying and saying how could I treat her like that..blah blah blah. 

I got up and told her I was going in the bathroom and if she did anything crazy I was calling the police. My H got rid of her. 

So I'm really not interested in being "found" as is often done on FB. I like the personal space and distance that is inherent on forums like this. I can come here on my own time, at my own pace and I like the "barrier" that there is between those who post. I'm all about personal space and privacy. 

I play a video game and you can give other players your name, email, etc. It's a lot like Facebook. I never use it. In fact, I made sure to disable it. People I know in the game have asked me use it and asked things about my life and I'm very vague. I like to keep my distance that way. I don't even like using the device that allows you to talk to other people who play the game. Yeah, I'm weird..but you already know that.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

lostdad said:


> Nice to hear an actual happy story on this site. Very inspiring for those of us staring divorce in the face.


AIM has been though a hell of a time, there have been a lot of back steps over the last 4 months or so, but she has come thru a heck of a lot stronger than she ever thought she was.

And if AIM can get through the experience, we all can.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I Yeah, I'm weird..but you already know that.


 but it good to have you back !


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Just noticed your update "AmImad". So glad that you are getting out and enjoying life again.

Your STBX fits in the kids to suit himself and his lifestyle and he abandoned his wife during the most harrowing time of her life. You are well rid of him. What a rat. 

Your picture on FB looks lovely and it is nice to see you smiling in spite of all that you have been through.

Glad you have let stb ex hubby go and that you and the kids are much happier now. Just always keep a watchful eye over any new man in their lives. 

Strive for happiness, always.


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