# Mad hate for cheaters!



## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

When I was seven I went looking for my mom. I found her...kissing our neighbor. I saw it looking thru the garage window. The pain it caused me was intense!! I could not even look at/touch my mother for a long time. I felt the pain for my dad..but I never told anyone. I can remember being a kid and playing with barbies...and Ken was always cheating on her with some other Barbie..lol I grew up knowin if it ever happened to me I would NOT be able to handle it. 

My first husband didnt cheat on me, but eventually he was so emotionally abusive I used to pray some other woman would take him away.. heck, I wouldnt have cared if a mountain lion carried him off!

I remarried ten years ago. He was everything you'd dream of in a man. Good looking, very work oriented and protective of me..in fact he is so wonderful apparently all women want him. In ten years he has had a long term "just sexual" affair, one "just talked on the phone" affair" and one "while the wife is away for awhile lets move her into our house/bed affair". The las one lasted 2 1/2 months while I was away dealing with my parents deaths and he and I were starting therapy separetly and then eventually together when I got home. He would call me three times a day to tell me how much he loved me. Apparently, after that last call of the day he would turn over and have sex with her in our bed.

Alot of drama happened after the last one. When I came to pack the rest of my stuff he did his usual " if you leave me I will kill myself" stuff. It always worked before. This time I literally took down the medicine bottles..opened them and sat them on the table. Told him to " carry on" and left. He wound up in intensive care. Suppose I should have felt guilty..but whats the differance between driving some one to wanting to die and handing them the bottle?:scratchhead: I had told him after the first affair that I would probably kill myself if it happened again..tht I could NOT live thru it twice. Didnt stop him.

Weird thing is that before, during and after all these affairs my husband has ALWAYS acted/shown/demonstrated mad love for me. Protective of me, very sexual with me and let me tell you..all I have ever had to do was change my shirt in front of him and he was ready to "get busy"! I know I turned him on..but then again, I am starting to think he'd hump a fence post after seeing the women he cheated with.

So, make a long story...longer...it has been 1 year, 3 months and 12 days since his last transgression. He has been faithful. He has bugged me like crazy to have a threesome with another woman. Says he doesn't want to touch her..just wants to watch her do other things to me. I myself, would rather stick my hand in a blender and turn it on. I think I got it thru his thick skull in the last two months that it will never happen. He is pouting and with-holding sex...I myself am not pouting and would rather hump the same fence post when he is done with it. I am going thru the stage of I would rather not have sex anyways because I keep thinking of him having sex with the nasty women he cheated on me with. I go constantly between wanting to keep working on us, to wanting to run away from this marriage. I DO see him putting alot of work into changing himself. I dont always like to admit that..feels like I am giving him credit when all he should be is getting b*tch slapped When this all started it seemed I was the emotionally rational one and he was the basket case. Now I walk thru the house angry, hurt and confused and he is saying " I love you, I am sorry for all I did to hurt you and we need to take a deep breath and call our therapist". Not fair, he had the affairs and I am now the nut job 

Anyways..I got off my subject. While I def. have placed the blame on my husband for what he has done ( he is the one who made vows to me) I gotta say...I HATE cheaters. I have a mad hate/disgust/loathing for any and all people who either cheat or are people who cheat with the partners. I know some of this stems from the thing with my mom... and I am seriously still pissed off at my Ken doll too. Jason Aldean was my favorite singer till he got caught with that young american idol contestant..I dont listen to his music anymore. And dont even get me started on Brad Pitt and Angie. And if I am this way with people I have never met can you even imagine my hate for the OW that helped hurt me?? The first one was at our wedding. In most of the wedding pcture you can see her ugly mug. I'm not even gonna lie...I knocked the bee-jeesus out of her the day I found out. Punched her right out. Was it good or right? Probably not..k..maybe not right, but it felt really good..who am I trying to kid? Tried to get to the other two but apparently they heard about the first one, and made themselves very scarse in body..not in mouth and harrassing me.

I just dont "get" these women. I know when I was eighteen I started dating a guy. After a month I found out he was married. Like alot of 18 year old girls after three weeks, I thought I was "in love". I'd never had sex with him but I was outraged that he has even kissed me while being married. I never talked to him again and I found out his wifes number and called her. Turned out she was even pregnant. If I had the moral compass to do this at 18, what the heck is wrong with all these people..my husband included??!! How do you see something you want and go after it knowing you will be hurting another human being so badly? The exscuse that you dont even know the wife and owe her nothing is lame..if I didnt know someone trapped in a burning car I wouldnt "owe" them anything but simple human kindness would make me do all I could to spare them pain. The last woman my husband messed with went after me like I was messing up HER life. She didnt have the balls to do it in person but the texts,e-mails and phone calls were insane. Not long ago in our area a man was having an affair decided it was over and choose to be with his wife. The OW showed up with a gun and confronted the wife and husband..and shot at the wife nine times. Thank god her aim was as crappy as her morals and she didnt hit her, but still...WHY WASNT SHE SHOOTING AT THE HUSBAND?? Pretty sure he was the one who made her promises and not the wife. I have read message boards where an OW talked about how she wanted to move closer to the wife now that the affair was over so that she cold show he wife how much slimmer and prettier she was than her. She admitted she had never met/talked with the wife. Why this drive to hurt someone you are ALREADY hurting?? Because the wife "won"?? How do you win something that was supposed to be yours already? I dont get it..probably will never get it. 

Anyways...I rambled..and blabbed...and digressed alot. Sorry.. Just had alot of thoughts on my mind today.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Question, did your dad ever find out?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

So am I reading this right, your husband cheated on you substantially, you've "reconciled" and AFTER the affairs and while working on R, your husband is bugging your for a threesome?


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

"I would rather stick my hand in a blender and turn it on"

Just want to say, I really like your writing style.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

ready2run said:


> I gotta say...I HATE cheaters. I have a mad hate/disgust/loathing for any and all people who either cheat or are people who cheat with the partners.


Count me in. I'm with you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Um, the threesome is just a way for him to pull you into his cheating world. If you were to give into the threesome... what will he ask for next?

Then there is swinging. I’ll bet the request for that is down the road.

People like your husband how are serial cheaters are broken. You can never meet all of his needs because he has a huge hole in his needs bucket. 

How do you know that he is not cheating right now? He could just be a lot better at hiding it. Most serial cheaters just move their activities underground.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, your husband is not remorseful for cheating. He's simply not cheating on you at the moment.

Remorse changes a person forever,for the better. The fact that he's still pushing for outsiders in your bed is a clear indication that he's not remorseful. His personal morals do not include being with only your SO.


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## BrokenVows (Oct 12, 2012)

I'm sorry you are here but have to say I agree with Disenchanted about your writing style "I myself am not pouting and would rather hump the same fence post when he is done with it" lol!

As for the threesome, he's out of his mind, IMO that will only make things worse. Besides, why does he think he has the right to request something your so opposed to? He's the one who should be trying to satisfy you, not the other way around.

And I am in the same boat as you when it comes to cheaters, so incredibly selfish! Hurt on top of hurt, that's all it amounts to. So what if they say it was just sex...um HELLO, that's reserved for someone you love.

I can't imagine the pain you were in returning from dealing with the death of your parents to come home to find out about the OW in your bed. Must have been traumatic. I'm so sorry. 

Best of luck to you, I hope things get better for you and you get the respect you deserve!


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

R2R, I can so relate to your story. I caught my mom in bed with my dad's brother when I was a child. I have carried that secret my entire life and I'm almost 50 years old now. As far as I know, my dad never knew. I know what a burden you have had to bear.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I wouldn't say that a man that cheats, attempts suicide and wants to introduce a 3 person in the bedroom "everything you'd dream of in a man". Quite the opposite.

What is his excuse for cheating? Why do you put most of the blame on the other women and not on your husband? Why do you enable his behavior?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> BTW, your husband is not remorseful for cheating. He's simply not cheating on you at the moment.
> 
> Remorse changes a person forever,for the better. The fact that he's still pushing for outsiders in your bed is a clear indication that he's not remorseful. His personal morals do not include being with only your SO.


Amen.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Making a bad decision once, is a mistake. Several times, it is a lifestyle. He is a compulsive cheater and he will never change.


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

I did not mean to post and not return...just had so much stuff going on with the holidays and my marriage.

Couple of things..no I did not ever tell my father.

Thank you for liking my writing style...although I am not so sure it is so much a style as much as my sense of humor. Some how some way I always try to keep it.

Long story short, after all I have been thu with man he has been like I said, very cold and unresposive since I nixed the idea of a threesome. This christmas has been horrible!! I get nasty remarks everytime I open my mouth and it happened again last night. I believe it started with him getting angry at me because our internet was slow. I surprised even myself. I went bat sh#t crazy on the man.

Soooo....my christmas was spent driving all night with my clothes in the backseat and my boston terrier riding shotgun. In a very strange turn of events my best friend since I was 11 caught her fiance cheating this last week-end and had ended their relationship. We are gonna be roomies. I didnt even cry on the way here...but I know that may start later...so I am gonna souround myself with upbeat people. After my husband being mean for so many months it was soheartwarming to come into my friends house and have her and her daughters so HAPPY to see me. 

Only humorous part of my night was when I got twenty minutes away from the house and had to go back. I walked in and past him and he said "ready to talk"? and I said " No you twit...I forgot my dog. I put my terrier n the car and never looked back!!!

He is already calling. I am not answering. Pretty sure he will have someone in our bed soon and oddly enough..it isnot bothering me the way it always did. Maybe he will get his threesome for x-mas....and I will get my freedom and self worth back.

Merry christmas everone!! :smthumbup:


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

And Memento the comment to him being the "man I always dreamed of" was in refrance to when I first met him...BEFORE I knew he was a serial cheater. I might have phrased it wrong??


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

ready2run said:


> I gotta say...I HATE cheaters. I have a mad hate/disgust/loathing for any and all people who either cheat or are people who cheat with the partners.


I used to be a mod at a different site dealing strictly with infidelity and there was no shortage of cheaters who tried to elicit sympathy. Some were single women who prowled after married men and some men who were equally unrepentant. Others tried to justify themselves, but it never worked. I never understood why they were allowed on the board. All they did was dredge up terrible memories for others and flaunt themselves. But like you, I have zero respect or like for anyone who betrays a spouse/SO. 

No disrespect to you, but I don't think I would have stayed with a spouse who cheated like yours did. I guess kudos to you for sticking it out.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Um, the threesome is just a way for him to pull you into his cheating world.


That is a great point! It shows he is still has a cheaters mentality.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> I can remember being a kid and playing with barbies...and Ken was always cheating on her with some other Barbie





> and I am seriously still pissed off at my Ken doll too.


Poor Ken!!

:rofl:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Poor Ken!!
> 
> :rofl:


LOL R2R - much like Ken your stbxH has no ballls


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

Far as I know there is one Ken and a million differant Barbies..no need to feel bad for him!!


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

I think I stayed for so many differant reasons...none of them good in the long run. My first husband was incrediably emotionally abuse. Seriously, this man is used as a case study when police offers are trained in my home town for what emotional abuse is and why women stay. And I swore to never be with anyone again. And then comes Mr. handsome who was everything I'd ever dreamed of...but just like in real dreams things can change on a dime and the confusion is insane. I kept waiting for the REAL him to come back to me...tis only recently I realized THIS IS THE REAL HIM! The other guy...does not exist and even if I would have stayed and he pretended to be him...the real guy would slip back in when I was not looking.
An the hate I have for what he did will always simmer just below the surface and come out when I am wounded.

Last week he had to get his drivers license renewed. After he got it he said " maybe I should be an organ donor...I have never been one" to wich I replied "as far as I am concernd you have been an organ donor our whole marriage". He didnt talk to me for days. Those comments are coming out of me more and more and I know it is hurt and anger. If after 15 months it has not abated I know myself well enough to know it is here to stay...and he is not. Maybe someday it wont hurt.


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

I have aways known and have told him that the threesome was a way for him to cheat and to get my permission at the same time.


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

Memento...ALL of the blame for what my husband did lies on HIS shoulders first and foremost. HE is the one who vowed to be faithful to me and without him doing what he did I would not have been hurt...alone these women had no power to hurt me. Trust me when I tell you the brunt of my anger came at him and not them. My point was after the affair is found out why do the AP's seem to want to keep hurting the wounded spouse. I remember waking up to a phone call one morning after the lat affair. She said to me.." did you have sex with him last night? And if you did, did you taste me on him cuz he did me before he came home yesterday". WHY would any other human being want to hurt another like that?? My anology is this...if you rob a bank...is the get away driver any less to blame?? Are these people not "partners in crime". I say yes. The guy holding the gun shoulders the blame...but the getaway driver does not get off scott free with a pristine character. My husband hurt me the most....she helped him. And HE let them hurt me by bringing them into my life.


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## misty111 (Nov 13, 2012)

keep your sense of humour and your boston terrier, been were you have been, back, forth, back ,forth, lies, i dont knows, i dont rembembers, the other woman stalking me for mths on end, and no support off my other half, so protective of her..... duh, you seem as if your coming out of the other end of a very, very bad and long nightmare, keep strong and hold your head up i hope things work out for you in whatever path you take in life
take care and the best of luck to you , you deserve a lot better than this


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I still think he hasn't changed at all and that you still don't see it. 


Read these two posts

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/59347-exs-opposite-sexes-3.html#post1310473


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/59347-exs-opposite-sexes-3.html#post1311210

I see a lot of similarity. Asking you for a threesome at this point after having cheated on you repeatedly makes me think that you still don;'t see clearly. You still think he is some kind of a catch



> in fact he is so wonderful apparently all women want him.


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## ready2run (Dec 8, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> I still think he hasn't changed at all and that you still don't see it.
> 
> 
> Read these two posts
> ...


Okay...I did not have the treesome and I have left him. I see him more clearly now than I have since the day I met him. He will NEVER change. And the comment I made about women wanting him was sarcasam...seems there was never a lack of them waiting in the wings. I have been insome fog for quite awhile...I dont feel that fog now. I also do not feel a desparate need to love/keep him in my life. This feeling didnt happen overnight..it has been coming for awhile.


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