# Trying Oral Sex with a "good girl"



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Now we don't have sex more than once a week if at all, but our sex life has been mainly missionary and some doggie and other positions. We have never really had oral. My wife has a bit of the "good girl" complex. Once early on she volunteered to give me a bj because she heard that her friend tell her that she gave it to her husband. She tried it a bit and I could tell that she was not up for it so I didn't insist.
Now, I feel like we need to do something different in our sex life, so during the foreplay, I go down a bit kissing her stomach, abs and get close to her V. The first few times she would cover up and pull me up but I have noticed that the last few times she lets me linger there a bit more. We have not gotten to a point where I give her full-on oral but we may get there but I think I see her loosening up a bit and relaxing.
I think she needs to get comfortable with me down there and maybe in the future I can bring up the topic of her giving me some oral.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

nirvana said:


> Now we don't have sex more than once a week if at all, but our sex life has been mainly missionary and some doggie and other positions. We have never really had oral. My wife has a bit of the "good girl" complex. Once early on she volunteered to give me a bj because she heard that her friend tell her that she gave it to her husband. She tried it a bit and I could tell that she was not up for it so I didn't insist.
> Now, I feel like we need to do something different in our sex life, so during the foreplay, I go down a bit kissing her stomach, abs and get close to her V. The first few times she would cover up and pull me up but I have noticed that the last few times she lets me linger there a bit more. We have not gotten to a point where I give her full-on oral but we may get there but I think I see her loosening up a bit and relaxing.
> I think she needs to get comfortable with me down there and maybe in the future I can bring up the topic of her giving me some oral.


Sometimes a person just needs to learn to lose their inhibitions. This is normally obtained through being very connected and feeling safe. 

For example, just today, my W said our bed is sacred and that is where I feel safest with you(me). This is where I give you all of me. In short, the inhibitions are gone. She is open to anything and everything with me.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nirvana said:


> Once early on she volunteered to give me a bj *because she heard that her friend* tell her that she gave it to her husband.


My advice would be to bribe this friend of hers with a lot of money and good fortune will come your way. 

Your wife will come home and say that her friend is now bragging about all the insane oral sex she gets from her husband and insists that the two of you do the same!

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

nirvana said:


> Now we don't have sex more than once a week if at all, but our sex life has been mainly missionary and some doggie and other positions. We have never really had oral. My wife has a bit of the "good girl" complex. Once early on she volunteered to give me a bj because she heard that her friend tell her that she gave it to her husband. She tried it a bit and I could tell that she was not up for it so I didn't insist.
> Now, I feel like we need to do something different in our sex life, so during the foreplay, I go down a bit kissing her stomach, abs and get close to her V. The first few times she would cover up and pull me up but I have noticed that the last few times she lets me linger there a bit more. We have not gotten to a point where I give her full-on oral but we may get there but I think I see her loosening up a bit and relaxing.
> I think she needs to get comfortable with me down there and maybe in the future I can bring up the topic of her giving me some oral.


You are a lot more patient than me. I would have buried my face down there long ago. I've never been with a gal who doesn't love it. 

I'm running for cover now.....


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

I stepped up my game with her a lot, over the past year which is fun. But no indication it will be reciprocated. If I talk about it she'll get mad for sure; always has. Good luck.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

badsanta said:


> My advice would be to bribe this friend of hers with a lot of money and good fortune will come your way.
> 
> Your wife will come home and say that her friend is now bragging about all the insane oral sex she gets from her husband and insists that the two of you do the same!
> 
> ...


That was in 2001. 
The friend is still a friend but she isn't in much contact with her anymore.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Lila said:


> Wait a minute. I was totally in agreement with you until the bolded statement. Are you only trying oral sex with your wife in the hopes that she'll reciprocate at a later date? If so, you're doing it for the wrong reason.
> 
> If you want to give her oral sex because it's something you think she'll enjoy, and you also enjoy doing it then fabulous. Go for it!
> 
> If you're only doing it so that you can then get her to give you a BJ that's called a covert contract and you may be become resentful if your hopes are dashed when she tells you no.


OMG..!
I am not trying to give her OS as some sort of barter. I want us to enjoy the experience of something new, and then try other things like OS for me and then maybe some other stuff that I cannot think about. I think our sex life needs some spice and some change.

I am just thinking of a roadmap  I honestly think she won't want to give me a bj because she will feel like a **** (even though I am her husband). She needs to lose these inhibitions and just go with the flow. I think I can see some improvement, just a little because she lets me linger there. If she starts to guide my head, then that would be some major improvement.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nirvana said:


> That was in 2001.
> The friend is still a friend but she isn't in much contact with her anymore.


Then you will have to get her to read my "101 Reasons Oral Sex Makes Couples More Successful" blog...


Recent college reviewed studies find that couples that regularly give and receive oral sex to each other are actually able burn 3000% more calories while just eating ice cream!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

nirvana said:


> Now we don't have sex more than once a week if at all, but *our sex life has been mainly missionary and some doggie and other positions*. We have never really had oral. *My wife has a bit of the "good girl" complex*. Once early on she volunteered to give me a bj because she heard that her friend tell her that she gave it to her husband. She tried it a bit and I could tell that she was not up for it so I didn't insist.
> Now, I feel like we need to do something different in our sex life, so *during the foreplay, I go down a bit kissing her stomach, abs and get close to her V. *The first few times she would cover up and pull me up but I have noticed that the last few times *she lets me linger there a bit more*. We have not gotten to a point where I give her full-on oral but we may get there but I think I see her loosening up a bit and relaxing.
> *I think she needs to get comfortable with me down there *and maybe in the future I can bring up the topic of her giving me some oral.


Let me give you a serious perspective from a guy who has been there. My wife is also a "good girl" educated from grade school on by nuns in a catholic convent school. She is limited to missionary and cowgirl, but she has mastered those, anything else is perverted....doggie of totally off the table for her. My wife has never given me a bj and stated it would be revolting. 

She has repeatedly told me not to even try to do oral on her. I too like to kiss my wife and work my way down to kissing the top of her bush. She allows me to do that because she trusts me. 
I don't want to betray her trust in my.

I don't know about your wife, but I have tried the let's shower together, candles, etc stuff and my wife really is too body self image afraid to shower with me or allow me to see her body, even by candle light.

The closest I am allowed to come to oral is to finger her to arousal and orgasm as part of foreplay prior to entering her then massage her breasts and kiss her breasts.

Personally, it is something I would very much like to do with my wife, she knows it and she will not allow it. I have given up until the next time we are in sex therapy. 

I wish you much better luck than I have had, but I wouldn't expect any significant changes.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

Wow a life with out BJ and licks ?. 

if I may ask what religion are you both.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Omar174 said:


> You are a lot more patient than me. I would have buried my face down there long ago. I've never been with a gal who doesn't love it.
> 
> I'm running for cover now.....


I agree just go for it, what is the worse that can happen? She stops you? and the best? she lets you continue, but you won't know until you try.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

My wife ABSOLUTELY LOVES oral on her. She just told me last night she can't even describe the feeling she gets when she O's. She says it's just "toe-curling", all the way to the ends of the hair on her head. She said it just sends "lightening bolts" all through her body.

We had probably been married 25 years before she let go down on her. We were in "foreplay mode", I started kissing my way down, got to her belly button, I asked "ya mind" she said "if you want to". Now, I think she'd be disappointed if I didn't.:smile2:

She won't give me a BJ, did it once, she didn't like it. I'm fine with that. At least she tried.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

flyer said:


> She just told me last night she can't even describe the feeling she gets when she O's. She says it's just "toe-curling", all the way to the ends of the hair on her head. She said it just sends "lightening bolts" all through her body.
> 
> ---
> She won't give me a BJ, did it once, she didn't like it. I'm fine with that. At least she tried.



^This is the most depressing thing I've read this week.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

imperfectworld said:


> ^This is the most depressing thing I've read this week.




HMM, not so sure I know what you mean.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

flyer said:


> HMM, not so sure I know what you mean.


If I understand you correctly, you have given your spouse amazing experiences orally. But, she doesn't reciprocate. Not that everything should be tit-for-tat, but the way you put it just made it sound brutally unfair.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

imperfectworld said:


> If I understand you correctly, you have given your spouse amazing experiences orally. But, she doesn't reciprocate. Not that everything should be tit-for-tat, but the way you put it just made it sound brutally unfair.



Ok. I see where you're coming from.
It sort of is unfair, but, she did try it once and didn't like it. That was a long ago though. Now that we're empty nesters, we ARE doing some things we have NEVER done.:grin2: So.......I'm working toward this.:smile2:


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

That's good! If I have learned one thing here on TAM it is that I've been my worst enemy in not asking for what I want from my wife.


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## pavlizhec (Jun 25, 2015)

I stepped up my game with her a lot, over the past year which is fun.


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## MyCoolUserName (Aug 29, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> Let me give you a serious perspective from a guy who has been there. My wife is also a "good girl" educated from grade school on by nuns in a catholic convent school. She is limited to missionary and cowgirl, but she has mastered those, anything else is perverted....doggie of totally off the table for her. My wife has never given me a bj and stated it would be revolting.
> 
> She has repeatedly told me not to even try to do oral on her. I too like to kiss my wife and work my way down to kissing the top of her bush. She allows me to do that because she trusts me.
> I don't want to betray her trust in my.
> ...


My wife is the same way. It's hard, man! I hate it!


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Good girl here.

Except in the bedroom. There I'm VERY good.......


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Aversion to being participative in matters of oral sex, both in giving and receiving, is little more than a form of psychological domination or is exercised strictly out of sheer fear!

IMHO, there is, or absolutely should be no viable excuse for it in a loving, married relationship!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

If you are of the Christian Faith, have her check this out:

Christian Nymphos | Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Aversion to being participative in matters of oral sex, both in giving and receiving, is little more than a form of psychological domination or is exercised strictly out of sheer fear!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Neither. been there, done that. Not doing it again. 
No psychological domination or fear involved, what-so-ever! 



arbitrator said:


> *
> IMHO, there is, or absolutely should be no viable excuse for it in a loving, married relationship!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


-and I don't do excuses. I stick with the facts, and the facts suggest that everybody is different, esp when it comes to what they want in sex. =)

Oops, sorry, is this one of 'those' threads where the guy that wants to do something that she doesn't... and we all come up with ideas how he can talk her into it - and not one of those where the gal doesn't want it done... and we should support her? I get those confused sometimes.

:scratchhead:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> Neither. been there, done that. Not doing it again.
> No psychological domination or fear involved, what-so-ever!
> 
> 
> ...


*Wanting not to participate in oral sex might well be the case for a slim number of folks, but simple psychology suggests that the most compelling reasons are either out of psychological control or willful ignorance or fear! In time, some can be talked into it while others cannot!

These TAM pages are full of stories about female spouses who refused to do oral on their married partner ~ but when caught in the midst of an extra-marital affair with their AP, they were going after it with them like there was absolutely no tomorrow!

Agreed that you often lead a horse to water and can't make them drink ~ but in theory, they're going to drink sometime; and when they do, it might well be without any knowledge of their marital partner!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

It tool me almost a year to get my wife to accept oral. She had been told by dried up old women that it was "Nasty"....Luckily, she was stunningly orgasmic with PIV, and soon learned to love oral. During this time I learned to love giving her oral as well, and I probably give her oral as foreplay 90% of the time. She is now perfectly willing to do me as well....:grin2:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> It tool me almost a year to get my wife to accept oral. She had been told by dried up old women that it was "Nasty"....Luckily, she was stunningly orgasmic with PIV, and soon learned to love oral. During this time I learned to love giving her oral as well, and I probably give her oral as foreplay 90% of the time. She is now perfectly willing to do me as well....:grin2:


*Yeah! Those dried-up old crones are just jealous that they're not "getting any!"

Their entire credo is richly, "misery loves company!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

I don't understand why you guys are marrying women who won't give blowjobs, accept oral or even one poster mentioned doggie.

Why don't you just buy some rubber vaginas? I mean what's the difference if she's just going to lay there like a dead fish and do virtually nothing else?


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