# Help????



## Bellalashay37

I have been with a man a year. We live together.

He has lied about being divorce but they have being living separate for about 3 years. The problems are the ex wife, and HIM, & his decisions, and his daughter.

So the ex wife lives right down the street with the married man she left him for with the kids in a one bedroom. The kids sleep on the floor and they are 13 & 14. 

And the ex wife has done some very disrespectful things like calling my child phone making threats and coming to our home after being told not to come to pick fights. He stopped her from coming over everyday. Told her she couldn't come over anymore; we would meet or or drop them off.

Every since then all hell broke loose. She is constantly saying how she hates me and my daughter and keeping drama going and with him. 

He will not sleep in the bed with me. He sleeps in the chair. He has bought another chair and put it in the room. But I have to beg him to get in the bed. But when he kids come, his daughter in particular. He wants to sleep down stairs with them.

And, I recently lost a family member during that time I told him I need you; can u please sleep in the bed with me. But he wouldn't do it. But daughter comes over he said he feels bad. And wants to sleep down stair with them.

BTW I have asked do u have a breathing problem. What can we do to help u and nothing.

I'm feed up at this point I bend over backwards for him and his kids. Even helping him pay for the divorce that he lied about having. My hands are tied.

I'm 28 and he is 43


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## EleGirl

Hi... I'm reposting here on this new thread. 


How long have he and his wife been separated?

This sounds like bad situation. He lied to you about being married. That's a HUGE lie. And now you are helping him pay for his divorce? My take on it is that it's not good for you to do this. Why would you put your money towards his divorce? Seriously.

His wife (maybe soon to be ex-wife [STBX]) does not want him but does not want any other woman in his life. That's pretty clear. And she's still married to him, so she has more legal rights related to him. For example, if he ends up in the hospital, she can see him and decide what happens if he cannot make those decisions. You have no rights to even see him.

Most people will put their children before someone new in their lives. A broken home is hard on children. And it sounds like he is concerned about his. 

You say that his children want to sleep downstairs. Is there a bedroom for them upstairs? How many children does he have? Sounds like some of them are boys. Are there enough bedrooms in your place for a separate bedroom for the boys and one for the girl?

His STBX is his problem, not yours. You should not be talking her about the children. 

You bring up him sleeping in a chair and breathing problems. Does he snore when he sleeps? Does gasp for air, etc when he's sleeping?


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## Diana7

Why are you with this awful man? You call her his ex wife but she is his wife.


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## arbitrator

*This is just a free sample of the utter disdain he is showing you as a partner!

He needs to be shown the door, along with the stern admonition of "not letting the door hit him in the a$$ on the way out!"*


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## Bellalashay37

I think you are soooooo right there is no regards for me everything is my kids my kids and keeping them satisified. I can help with the kids finically , and do all his requirements but when it comes to me & my child he isn't to amazed. And doesn't give back the effort I make with him & his children.


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## EleGirl

Bellalashay37 said:


> I think you are soooooo right there is no regards for me everything is my kids my kids and keeping them satisified. I can help with the kids finically , and do all his requirements but when it comes to me & my child he isn't to amazed. And doesn't give back the effort I make with him & his children.


Does he have a job? If so, what percentage of your joint income does he earn?

I'm asking because it sounds like you are putting more into this relationship financially than he is. Is that true?

How do you two split the bills for things like mortgage/rent, utilities, food, etc?

How do you two split housework, cooking, shopping, etc?

I'm trying to get an over all sense of things.


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## aine

Bellalashay37 said:


> I think you are soooooo right there is no regards for me everything is my kids my kids and keeping them satisified. I can help with the kids finically , and do all his requirements but when it comes to me & my child he isn't to amazed. And doesn't give back the effort I make with him & his children.


Sounds like he is using you. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? He has lied about being divorced, he wont sleep in the same bed, he puts his kids and exwife first, he uses your money, etc. Seriously it is time to get rid of him. You sound young enough to start afresh and rid yourself of this parasite.


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## Openminded

Sounds like a one-sided relationship. All about him.


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## Bellalashay37

He pays the mortgage and I help with bills.I put the food in the house and we split household things. He also puts groceries in the house but after having another talk with him I was told I need to grow up. He said that him sleeping in the bed with him is not as important to him as his kids. He said he is going to do whatever for his kids, and I should understand that I'm grown and my needs should be on the back burner. He told me if he was me I wouldn't be thinking about a man I should focus on me& my daughter. Both are daughters have been through things , but it's not right what he saying.
So therefore I'm taking my fianical help away dealing with his children & the divorce and just worrying about my child. I'll let him support his kids and their needs since he can't be a man to me . 
It's not fair I get to contribute but not be treated with compassion. He said he is set in his ways & he's not going to change.


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## 3Xnocharm

This one is a no brainer. Kick him to the curb.


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## Mr.Married

I'm not even sure why it is that you need help making you choice.....it is so clear to everyone else.


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