# One more thread about no sex



## roverman (Aug 25, 2012)

This is my first post on this site. I’ve been lurking for a month or so before finding this site, I thought I was the only one with a wife that is not giving her H sex!

The question I have is how many people cheat on the there spouse’s when they are denied sex from them?

Also, does your spouse know that you are on this site?

Thanks,


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

You are not going to get a single person on this site to say it's ok to cheat on your wife for not giving you sex. You need to work on her, work on yourself, (Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.) is a good place to start; and, depending on your perspective and beliefs, be prepared to end it if nothing else works. But cheating on your wife while you're married is a recipe for personal and financial disaster.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

:iagree:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It's not the kosher opinion but I completely understand the urgers to just cheat her on. It's not the right way to go though. Fight the urge.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Also if you want sex from your spouse..Havign sex with someone else doesnt accomplish that so to me it means really you just want sex and really dont care so much about it beign specifically from your spouse because you love her/him and are attracted to her/him and maybe you should think about that and possibly just leave..

Fleeting thoughts of cheating out of desperation that you soon dismiss as not any kind of solution from wanting that closeness and intimacy with your spouse is one thing..Bur serioulsy contemplating having a sexual relationship with someone else or one nigth stands or prostitues what have you as a solution to wanting sex with the one you love never made sense to me..It certainly doesnt brign the intimacy back in the marriage that you are seeking..IF thats what you are truly seeking..If not then it doesnt make sense to even be together ..IMHO..


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

If you are not happy, have you communicated with your wife and tried to fix the problems? Marriage is hard work. If you are not working on your marriage and want to cheat, get out then find a girlfriend. If you have kids, remember you are teaching them how to act in a marriage. Hopefully you won't want to teaching them about cheating.


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

wow...thats messed up. if you care about the woman your married to then you wouldnt want to have sex with someone else. if its bad enough that you wanna cheat, then leave. but if u do care. then tell her how your feeling and go from there.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I agree with the others.

but I know of more than a few couples where one of them is cheating and the other seems to be ok with it. the unwritten law in their marriage is don't flaunt it and I'll act ignorant.

but what type of life would that be. yuck


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I agree with the others.
> 
> but I know of more than a few couples where one of them is cheating and the other seems to be ok with it. the unwritten law in their marriage is don't flaunt it and I'll act ignorant.
> 
> but what type of life would that be. yuck


I imagine it would be a very shallow arrangement for a marriage...but thats what that is an "arrangement" ..even though its technically adultery it really isnt "cheating"..if the spouses have agreed to it as some kind of working understanding that its "good enough" for both of them..well then Im sure they have their reasons that its to the benefit to both of them to remain married with no sex between the two of them but one getting it elsewhere..I've heard of women (and men) basically giving "permission " (turning a blind eye to it) before..Nothing new under the sun...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

*needaunderstand* said:


> wow...thats messed up. if you care about the woman your married to then you wouldnt want to have sex with someone else. if its bad enough that you wanna cheat, then leave. but if u do care. then tell her how your feeling and go from there.


Then you don't understand what drive is like for a man.

It isn't messed up, it is reality. Men NEED sex. What is wrong is to act on the urge, but it will be there if he's denied sex from his spouse. A guy will try to turn it off, but any time he sees a pretty woman he will think about it.

This is no justification for cheating. There never is one. But it can get bad enough that it is more than enough justification to end a marriage. Plenty of people love each other deeply but can't live together. Repeated denial of sex is just one of these issues than can end a marriage.


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## marcgaugha (Aug 27, 2012)

It's not the right way to go though. Fight the urge.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Also if you want sex from your spouse..Havign sex with someone else doesnt accomplish that so to me it means really you just want sex and really dont care so much about it beign specifically from your spouse because you love her/him and are attracted to her/him and maybe you should think about that and possibly just leave.


I agree that cheating is not the answer, but your response is really harsh, given that we know very little about someone who is new to TAM.

We cannot assume that he does not care much about his wife and thus he feels cheating is acceptable. It may be that he feels that the chance of getting sex from his wife is practically zero and he's moving on as best he can (however misguidedly).

A little grace here would go a long ways.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

*needaunderstand* said:


> wow...thats messed up. if you care about the woman your married to then you wouldnt want to have sex with someone else. if its bad enough that you wanna cheat, then leave. but if u do care. then tell her how your feeling and go from there.


The post immediately above I just sent to Dallas Apple applies here as well.


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## roverman (Aug 25, 2012)

I do really love my wife she's my best friend! She doesn't have the same sex drive as I do. 
For one year I kept a sex log! I can count the number of times we had sex on one hand. Things are a little better now maybe we have sex once a month or so but I need it twice a week.

Just getting sick of getting rejected ever-time I ask for sex.

Divorce is not an option for me or us. I would not like to loose seeing my daughter ever day.

Thanks for all the input so far.


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## ShinyNewGuy (Aug 15, 2012)

I could give you a very long story about my own experience doing just that .. Let me just start by saying that I'm not in any way recommending this course of action. I'm also not going to preach at you not to. That's up to you. Here it is.

I went through a relatiovely long period of time where my wife went from HD like me to LD like it appears some married women do after awhile. Things got pretty bad at least for me. I was in my late 30's and my sex drive was through the roof. But it was more than that .. the act of rejection itself was chipping away at my psyche.

In any case, a co-worker started hitting on me. In the past, I always politely rejected any such advances from other women, but this time, I wanted to play it along a little just for my own ego boost. I had no intention at the time to do anything with her.

So I went to lunch with her once. I had told myself that would be the only time. But she was so damn nice to me. She seemed to find me so .. great. So We had lunch again. Then again, then the next thing, I was at her place having sex. Again, I said it would be just that once. But it wasn't. I was soon inviolved in a bona fide affair.

She seemed to care so much about me. The sex was ok (it was better with my wife), but her way of caring in other ways was addictive to me. So I was pulling the ole "I'll be working late again, honey" and taking all sorts of crazy chances to be with her. I was infatuated.

But at the same time, I was stressed out all the time. The lying was unlike me, but I did it all the time. I had several close calls where I almost got busted with her. Then she started getting more demanding of my time and started with the "Where is this going?" speeches. Then she began getting angry for being in #2 position relative to my wife. 

So one day, when I was about to go on vacation with the family, my girlfriend was livid that I was going to be with my wife and she would be alone. So she showed up at the house at 10 at night with a fistful of love emails we had exchanged and handed them to the wife.

I'll spare you the details, but the year that followed was probably the worst year of my life. My wife was a basket case of rollercoaster emotions. I spent the next 2 years trying to rebuild the marriage. I was anything but easy. 

On the plus side, if there can be any plus side .. after those 2 years, she came to realize the importance of the intimate side of our relationship, and to her credit, after she forgave me, she made a real effort in that department. 

But in reality, now that I look back. If I had known then what I know now .. I believe I could have turned her around. I think I could have gotten her to want sex more often. In fact, I posted on another thread about this. I wish I had know this 10 years ago. If I had, I would have skipped the affair. In the end, the affair was satisfying only up to a certain point. The stress and the ultimate denoument makes the whole thing, IMO, simply not worth it. And quite frankly, even 10 years later, she gets her small moments oif anger towards me about it.

All I can say is, if you do this, get ready to possibly lose your wife altogether. I almost did.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

It is never ok to cheat on your spouse no matter what. Marriage vows - forsake all others!! Yeah that means do not cheat!

There are many, many people on this site that are not getting enough sex men and woman. 

Talk to your wife about it. If you already have many many times! She isn't going to change! either deal with it or divorce her and move on.

Cheating on someone is never the answer, it is only a short term solution for a long term problem. It is never really the solution to anything. All cheating does is cause pain, lack of trust and heart ache. You could possibly loose your family! JUST DONT DO IT!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If an otherwise healthy spouse just completely shuts his/her mate out sexually, I can't say that I would find it morally wrong to find sex elsewhere. For me, it's not a question of morality, but one of logic. What would be the point of maintaining a farce of a marriage to a woman that obviously had no interest in being a wife? Why sneak around to get an occasional cheap snack when you could have (and you deserve) a feast? If my car is broken, I don't hotwire my neighbor's car and joyride when he aint looking. I fix my car. If I can't fix it, I get rid of it and get one that works.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Actually most men in a sexless marriage turn to porn not cheating, especially if a lack of sex is the only problem in the marriage and there are kids involved. If the lack of sex is caused by interpersonal problems outside the bedroom then yes the chances of them cheating are greater.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

roverman said:


> This is my first post on this site. I’ve been lurking for a month or so before finding this site, I thought I was the only one with a wife that is not giving her H sex!
> 
> The question I have is how many people cheat on the there spouse’s when they are denied sex from them?
> 
> ...


I would recommend you try to fix it first. If that doesn't work then leave. Never cheat. Also, if my wife knew I was on this site it would defeat the purpose. I am here to vent and seek advice from total strangers who have been in my shoes. The wife would just interfere if she knew.


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

roverman said:


> This is my first post on this site. I’ve been lurking for a month or so before finding this site, I thought I was the only one with a wife that is not giving her H sex!
> 
> The question I have is how many people cheat on the there spouse’s when they are denied sex from them?
> 
> ...



To answer your question, NO my H does not know I am on ths site.
We have been married for 15 years and NO I have not cheated on my spouse. 

I think the big question here is -Have you straight forward told your spouse that this is a serious need and now temptations are creeping up because your needs are not met? I would think that would be enough to shake any wife up who does not want to lose her H.


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## roverman (Aug 25, 2012)

Sunshine1234 said:


> To answer your question, NO my H does not know I am on ths site.
> We have been married for 15 years and NO I have not cheated on my spouse. (Although the temptation is huge)
> 
> I think the big question here is -Have you straight forward told your spouse that this is a serious need and now temptations are creeping up because your needs are not met? I would think that would be enough to shake any wife up who does not want to lose her H.


Thanks for all the reply's!

Yes I have said to my wife that I can't live not having sex. She will give me more sex for awhile then it goes back to once a month again. We started watching porn and that was a great step, the sex was great, almost to great. I started thinking that, where did she lean that from since she never did that before or that well. I do really love my wife and she's a fantastic mom and really is my best friend! just this lack of sex is the only thing that is getting to me.

Thanks and keep the reply's coming.


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