# you never smile anymore



## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

Last week my mom told me "you never smile anymore" she is right. I am very stressed and have been for a few years. I need to let go of things. I have been to counseling, the techniques she gave me were not successful. I am not depressed, I just live a very stressful life. The stress is not anything that could be controled. I need to learn to 'compartmentalize' but have not been able to. I become overwhelmed, I wouldn't say easily, but often.

Does anyone have any ideas?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

In order to be helpful I think we need to know;

Your work and family situation and what you think stresses you out for starters and then you can get some input on people that encounter the same issues or are in similar situations.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Stress can always be controlled. You just need to be willing to do what is necessary. If you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results.


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

Well here is a quick glimpse.....

Basics I am married and work full time. My husband is in business for himself and I do the bookkeeping for the business. I take time off to take son/ my mother & father-in law to doctor appointments. I only do the appointments when they can't do it themselves.

Stresses - 
My son was in a horrible work accident 2 1/2 years ago. He still has issues. He is single and lives with us thankfully. Since January, he has had major back problems. He goes to PT 2 times a week. He went for injections last month and more are on the schedule. Because of the accident he also has CRPS (once called RSD) in his feet, which flares and makes him in severe pain unable to walk. When he couldn't walk and was using crutches, he blew his elbow out so he was then in a wheel chair. He fell in February and developed a hematoma. He has been going to plastic surgeons every week, now its every two weeks to have it drained in hopes of not needing surgery. Atty is trying to get his Workmans Comp to reinstate and start paying him a salary again.

This year my father-in-law has had numerous strokes, an infection in his brain, and a pace-maker put in. 
He is staying with us temporarily.

I am still having a hard time dealing with the death of my mother-in-law last January. My first "grandson" (actually great nephew) 
died of SIDS at 4 1/2 months old in August.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Penny905 said:


> Well here is a quick glimpse.....
> 
> Basics I am married and work full time. My husband is in business for himself and I do the bookkeeping for the business. I take time off to take son/ my mother & father-in law to doctor appointments. I only do the appointments when they can't do it themselves.
> 
> ...


I am sorry for your situation. Yes, those are all stresses. I totally get why you are feeling them. But look at the positives - your son is still alive, your FIL is still alive. Your MIL and GS are in a better place. There is nothing you can do for your MIL and GS, but be grateful that you are capable of taking care of the other two. Also know, that all of this is temporary. Better days will come.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. 

Life has dumped a huge load of serious problems on you - its no surprise at all that you are stressed and unhappy. 

All I can suggest is that you do your best to enjoy what little free time you can find, and try to hang in there while things improve.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

My best recommendation would be to join a gym and lift weights. Forget the spin classes or boxercise stuff. 

Imagine all your stresses in those weights and now lift them off the floor. Your body will be taxed and want to give up, but you will push through it for your son and whatever other challenge you imagine those weights to be.

The side effect will be increased muscle, increased bone density (for less chance of hip fractures when you get to that age) and a plethora of beneficial hormones being released into your body.

It's no joke. Lifting weights and exercising has far more benefits then I can take the time to list (or the time to research and copy/paste for you)

Go hire a personal trainer for 2-3 classes and ask them to teach you how to lift weights. The gym will quickly become your mind/body and soul temple and you will leave it refreshed and ready for anything. Depression will melt away


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

So sorry you are going thru such a tough time. 

I can understand your level of stress. I am dealing with an ill MIL and it seems like I am the only person who can do anything for her. 

I noticed that I have become very resentful about this whole situation and my once loving husband is becoming an ass when it comes to this. 

Because your FIL and son is in the house with you, you can't exactly escape this. Is there a way for you to hire a helper for a few hours? I would not quit my job to care for them because you will become even more stressed out.

Do you have any family members to assist you taking them to appointments?

Does your husband help?

I have been meditating and working out. I have also started taking vitamins because I was so severely anemic... 

Keeping posting if you need to vent. Because most of the time I feel that I have no one to talk to about how I feel and I am about to pop. 

Take care of yourself.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Penny905 said:


> Well here is a quick glimpse.....
> 
> Basics I am married and work full time. My husband is in business for himself and I do the bookkeeping for the business. I take time off to take son/ my mother & father-in law to doctor appointments. I only do the appointments when they can't do it themselves.
> 
> ...


Penny, thanks for the response, I can now see why you are stressed. I think counseling would do you a great deal of good in these cases, coming from someone that thought it was a crock before I tried it over the past year. 

If there's a silver lining it's I think some of this will continue to be ongoing stress but a lot of this are situations that WILL heal with time!

You seem like a strong person and maybe someone that feels like they have to put on a strong front. It's ok to let it out sometimes, that's where I think counseling would help and hopefully bringing this up to your husband. I know I always felt good when my STBXW would confide in me and vent, it felt like I was helping.


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

Ynot said:


> Also know, that all of this is temporary. Better days will come.


I have been saying this for almost 3 years and I don't really believe this anymore




stillfightingforus said:


> Penny, thanks for the response, I can now see why you are stressed. I think counseling would do you a great deal of good in these cases, coming from someone that thought it was a crock before I tried it over the past year.
> 
> If there's a silver lining it's I think some of this will continue to be ongoing stress but a lot of this are situations that WILL heal with time!
> 
> You seem like a strong person and maybe someone that feels like they have to put on a strong front. It's ok to let it out sometimes, that's where I think counseling would help and hopefully bringing this up to your husband. I know I always felt good when my STBXW would confide in me and vent, it felt like I was helping.


I have been to counseling with no success, maybe another counselor, idk



brooklynAnn said:


> So sorry you are going thru such a tough time.
> 
> I can understand your level of stress. I am dealing with an ill MIL and it seems like I am the only person who can do anything for her.
> 
> ...


My husband helps when he can, but with his father he tells me to let it go because his father doesn't care. We aren't talking about non essentials, we are talking about his medications, blood pressure, pace maker, neurology appts. My mom and my other kids help with my son when they are able. I am the only one for my mom, not including my husband or kids. I am sure vitamins are definitely needed.

Another problem for me is my son. He was severely injured and is basically deformed. He has had numerous plastic surgeries to make him more copasetic. Even with that he had an infection in the expander before he was fully expanded so it was done with the skin created. He doesn't want to go through it again and I get it but when I see his scars, I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Penny I know it's tough in the moment to believe better days will come especially when you are in the midst of it all but they will, they will! 

If the counselor isn't helping, switch it up, they can be hit or miss with any issue. I love my counselor and she has helped me immensely through the emotional trauma my Soon to be Ex Wife put me through with her affair and blame on me for it all. My cousin is going through the same thing and his counselor sucks, no help. Again, hit or miss.

I think, at least from my point of view it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel because there's a mountain of pain here, spread across several issues, not one to tackle at a time and give it all you got so it's spreading you thin and breaking you from the inside. But I mean it when I say time will heal most of this. With your son, it's going to take a lot longer because he's your son and it's going to require a long time to get him to the other side but he needs you to be strong. Then lean on your husband and friends that can be your support system to be STRONG for you!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Penny905 said:


> I have been saying this for almost 3 years and I don't really believe this anymore


Again I am sorry for your pain, but don't stop believing.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Funny. After telling you to work out this article popped up on my feed tonight

https://amp-businessinsider-com.cdn...2018-5?amp_js_v=a1&amp_gsa=1#amp_tf=From %1$s


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

stillfightingforus said:


> Penny I know it's tough in the moment to believe better days will come especially when you are in the midst of it all but they will, they will!
> 
> If the counselor isn't helping, switch it up, they can be hit or miss with any issue. I love my counselor and she has helped me immensely through the emotional trauma my Soon to be Ex Wife put me through with her affair and blame on me for it all. My cousin is going through the same thing and his counselor sucks, no help. Again, hit or miss.
> 
> I think, at least from my point of view it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel because there's a mountain of pain here, spread across several issues, not one to tackle at a time and give it all you got so it's spreading you thin and breaking you from the inside. But I mean it when I say time will heal most of this. With your son, it's going to take a lot longer because he's your son and it's going to require a long time to get him to the other side but he needs you to be strong. Then lean on your husband and friends that can be your support system to be STRONG for you!


I may have to ask people in my area for recommendations for a different counselor. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said I was breaking from the inside, that's the perfect way to explain how I am feeling. As far as seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, I have seen it plenty of times, unfortunately it is usually an on coming train.

Steve - joining a gym isn't an option but I could definitely get more exercise. Getting out in the yard to clean it up and do some gardening would help by getting exercise, sunlight and fresh air, now that it's getting nice out.


I like quotes, I try saying them over in my mind to help me get through a rough time. Some of my favorite are
We may not have it all together but together we have it all
Don't live life looking in the rearview mirror
Fake it until you make it

Are there quotes any of you could recommend?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Penny905 said:


> I may have to ask people in my area for recommendations for a different counselor. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said I was breaking from the inside, that's the perfect way to explain how I am feeling. As far as seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, I have seen it plenty of times, unfortunately it is usually an on coming train.
> 
> Steve - joining a gym isn't an option but I could definitely get more exercise. Getting out in the yard to clean it up and do some gardening would help by getting exercise, sunlight and fresh air, now that it's getting nice out.
> 
> ...


Have you ever tried Pinterest? Seems like a lot of people find good quotes on there and a distraction from the constant work you are putting in mentally, emotionally and physically. Pinterest is a sore spot for me because my STBXW used it in the open to trade love and romantic messages back and forth with OM but she found a lot of good quotes that made her feel better about herself, at least in her own reality. Sorry, off on a tangent there but I think Pinterest can be used for good, especially to find you a few pick me up thoughts. In general, that's what I think you may need .... is distraction, small breaks from the current reality.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Because your FIL and son is in the house with you, you can't exactly escape this. Is there a way for you to hire a helper for a few hours? I would not quit my job to care for them because you will become even more stressed out.
> 
> Do you have any family members to assist you taking them to appointments?
> 
> Does your husband help?


I agree with this sentiment... along with finding a different councilor.

Are there support services that may be able to help, for example, Stroke Foundation?

It's understandable you'd be feeling overwhelmed and sounds like you'd benefit from sourcing extra support (a councilor may be able to assist with this).


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

To be fair, i love stress. Or did when young. Now, not so much.

If stress got too much, I ran miles and miles and miles.

Returned tired. Zero stress, left.


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