# Anal Sex Advice



## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

Hey all need some advice, wife recently mentioned to me she wants to try anal:smthumbup:, who am I to argue ? At any rate, we are both beginners, and I want to make sure that I am prepared with proper lube, best positions etc etc. I am going to wait until its her idea to do it, that way I know she is in "the mood" for it, but most of all I want it to be a pleasurable experience for her. I am seeking advice form anyone who has given or received any ideas you are willing to share would be much appreciated.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

start with a finger, small toy, larger toy. you gotta work your way into this


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

janesmith said:


> start with a finger, small toy, larger toy. you gotta work your way into this


Indeed. And, although you definitely want to go with a position that's most comfortable for you both, from behind - while most convenient for access - isn't necessarily most convenient for muscle relaxation and ease of entry. Missionary allows for more relaxation of the muscles in the area and for her to be a bit more comfortable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nameuser (Mar 30, 2012)

I find it hard to believe that a woman would suggest anal first.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I posted a lot about this in a similar thread, look it up

To keep this short, if you're going to use a finger make sure your finger nails are very short and filed smooth so you don't cause any tearing. But my wife found anything more than a single finger to be very uncomfortable so that's where a small butt plug comes in handy.

Also look up Nicole Graves anal sex guide. It's a 22:00 video on a few tube sites that explains more than a lot of other how to vids vids. Oh and don't use and desensitizing lubes, you could really hurt her and she'd be too numb to tell.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Get the book -The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women- and both of you should read it. And a word of advice, the one being penetrated in the anus, should have all the control. She could get really messed up if you just cram it in and go to town.

Good Luck.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

Lots of lube. 

Go slow. 

Orgasm first for her, if that can be arranged. It can loosen things up considerably. 

Use lots of lube. 

Did I mention lube?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

nameuser said:


> I find it hard to believe that a woman would suggest anal first.



Many women do. Mine was one of them. She loves it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

janesmith said:


> start with a finger, small toy, larger toy. you gotta work your way into this



I agree and remember it is always the womans call. Sometimes it is not convenient for the colon if you know what I mean.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

As a woman who loves anal sex, indeed lube is vitally important. Also, when you enter her with your penis, do it very very slowly. Do not thrust - that will hurt like hell.


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

How about positions ? My understanding is doggy is not good because the muscles are tighter while in that position ?


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

PaGuy said:


> How about positions ? My understanding is doggy is not good because the muscles are tighter while in that position ?


This is true, until your wife gets comfortable with you inside her you should use the missionary position. The key is to get her to relax and to take things very slow. Let her be in control. Once she is comfortable you can change positions to doggy or whatever suits you. 
There was another thread titled Anal Sex that was very informative and you should read it. If you go up to search at the top of the page and type in *Anal Sex* in the search bar, highlight the button Show Threads and hit go it will show you the thread I'm speaking of. The member NSweet has given some very good advice. Read it and have fun. 

Remember two words...lube and slow....


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

my EXgf was the one who brought it up in our relationship.
it was her idea and i made sure she wanted to do it, not just do it because she thought it was what i might want.

i let her choose the position she felt most comfortable with which turned out to be missionary and it work great.

start by going down on her and massaging the area with your fingers as youre going down on her too.

lots of lube.
put bunches on your fingers as you are massaging her area and push it up inside with your fingers to get inside very well lubed.

then jump on there and pound that azz.
j/k...
go very slow and easy.
if she seems to tense up and be feeling pain, stop and ask her if she would like to try again later or to continue going slow and easy.
always make everything about it her choice.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> then jump on there and pound that azz.
> j/k...


My computer screen is quite far from where I sit so I zoom the computer in to 150 percent, therefore, I can only see one side of the screen at a time. That being said, when I read the quote above, I barked out laughter and I just KNEW it was you! So I went to the other side of the screen, and yep, I knew it.

You crack me up! You are one funny m-fer


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

endlessgrief said:


> My computer screen is quite far from where I sit so I zoom the computer in to 150 percent, therefore, I can only see one side of the screen at a time. That being said, when I read the quote above, I barked out laughter and I just KNEW it was you! So I went to the other side of the screen, and yep, I knew it.
> 
> You crack me up! You are one funny m-fer


of course its me :awink: 

why sit so far away?

zooming and having to side scroll would drive me fricking bonkers.
why dont you move your azz closer?

one more thing...
OH MY FVKIN GOD!


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

A friend of mine only like anal sex. She find no joy in vaginal sex. I not sure I understand way but she is very passionate about it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Knoxvillekelly said:


> A friend of mine only like anal sex. She find no joy in vaginal sex. I not sure I understand way but she is very passionate about it.


i wouldnt want to do it like that all the time, once in a while was fine with me.
but i like the...


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

nameuser said:


> I find it hard to believe that a woman would suggest anal first.


I'd lie and say it happens, because she is so big on anal sex she prefers it over the normal now. However, I did mention it first years ago and she hated it. I would try every now and then but she still never really liked it and I just gave up on it. She always kept an open mind but was open about the things she did or didn't like. I did not want to make her do anything that made her miserable, so I quit. Once she hit 35, maybe 5 years after we last tried it, she asked for it herself. No hints, nothing. Since then, she hasn't stopped. Something clicked or she hit her peak. I ask her and she just said, "I always liked it, but I felt dirty and perverted". I guess she got tired of ignoring what she actually liked and let her wild side take over.

Either way, use lube, if she likes it, good on you. Sperming in her anally is the best way for her to absorb all the hormones in your semen. The colon absorbs and does not have the same acids a vagina or stomach has. Some women get high off this release, my wife gets much more aggressive and sexual after.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

karma sutra has lots of rear positions


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

Today I feel like everyone one wants me to bend over and take it for the team


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Knoxvillekelly said:


> Today I feel like everyone one wants me to bend over and take it for the team


dont know whether to laugh or feel bad for you. :/


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> I'd lie and say it happens, because she is so big on anal sex she prefers it over the normal now. However, I did mention it first years ago and she hated it. I would try every now and then but she still never really liked it and I just gave up on it. She always kept an open mind but was open about the things she did or didn't like. I did not want to make her do anything that made her miserable, so I quit. Once she hit 35, maybe 5 years after we last tried it, she asked for it herself. No hints, nothing. Since then, she hasn't stopped.


This sounds almost exactly like our experience, just minus a few years on the age. We'd discussed it early in our marriage, but weren't on any real rush to make it happen. I asked her one night if I could try my fingers, and she said yes. I used a lot of lube, but it was awkward and uncomfortable for her, so we stopped.

Fast forward about a year or so, and she just out the blue says "let's try". I was so stunned I asked her to repeat. And this time we tried with my penis. She came two or three times that night in a single session. It felt so good I had trouble controlling myself. After that anal sex has become a regular part of our sex life, and her body is very attuned to it. She always cums, and says that the orgasms are different, sometimes more intense. 

Turns out she is just extraordinarily sensitive in that area. I'm on the more endowed side, so I don't even get much in, but just being slightly in, or even thrusting right outside, her anus is enough to send her to the moon, and beyond.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Mrs. T said:


> Remember two words...lube and slow....


*chuckles* That about sums it up. Between Carol and I it was me who suggested it. She's very glad I did. She had original concerns about messiness but once she learned that wasn't really a concern and found out it makes her _crazy_... well...

But that does bring up another tip. People, quite reasonably, assume all sorts of horrible mess. It doesn't really work out that way for reason which are obvious after you do it. But in the beginning, I made sure there was plenty of towels in, around, and under -- including wet washcloths, etc. That way, at least, she could relax a bit regarding the mess factor.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

We're both pretty fastidious in the bedroom, so when I first suggested anal, my husband balked. I convinced him that I would enjoy it (and he might too), so we gave it a shot.

As others have said: lots of lube! We put down a towel that turned out to be unnecessary ... it helped us relax to know we were "covered," but as Jeff/BC pointed out, it's not needed. Anal sex is _not_ the mess you might imagine. In case you're concerned, just use a condom.

Slow is the key. Let her be in control. The way we found that works best is for me to be on top. It's _amazing_.

Best of luck!


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Many women do. Mine was one of them. She loves it.


These are the type of posts that make me wonder "where the hell do u find women like this?!?!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> These are the type of posts that make me wonder "where the hell do u find women like this?!?!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


no kidding.
i lost one, dont think theres many more available :/


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

They do exist out there... Women who actually like sex and like trying new things. Met my GF online, started off with a "sexual" relationship, and fell in love. It's been a year, so still early, but I am one happy camper!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

marriedguy said:


> These are the type of posts that make me wonder "where the hell do u find women like this?!?!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you can't find one, then you make one.:smthumbup:

"Just relax baby. I won't do anything we're both not completely comfortable with..... You're doing great. Does that feels good?"


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> If you can't find one, then you make one.:smthumbup:
> 
> "Just relax baby. I won't do anything we're both not completely comfortable with..... You're doing great. Does that feels good?"


lol


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> They do exist out there... Women who actually like sex and like trying new things.
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol:

Yes the sure do!


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

in order to keep a marriage or any relationship fresh you have to try and be open to new things.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

Knoxvillekelly said:


> in order to keep a marriage or any relationship fresh you have to try and be open to new things.


I'm in a very situation as the Original Poster in this thread, only that my wife also suggested we might try this. Except - I had no idea what she was talking about. *seriously not kidding* I had to look it up. I'd heard off-color jokes about this in my life, but never once thought anyone actually wanted to do this. So I'm really very flustered. 

I asked why she wanted to 'try' this - and got corrected. It's not 'try' - she said, she's done this before - (long before we met some 18 years ago) and wants to do this again and share this with me. 

I like to think I'm open to new things... but how do I explain that this isn't something I have ever considered doing? And, now that I understand that people really do this, should I tell her that I have no desire _at all_ to do this with my body? 

I'm quite confused.

*Oh my, heck of a first post huh?*


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

MrVanilla said:


> should I tell her that I have no desire _at all_ to do this


:scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MrVanilla said:


> I'm in a very situation as the Original Poster in this thread, only that my wife also suggested we might try this. Except - I had no idea what she was talking about. *seriously not kidding* I had to look it up. I'd heard off-color jokes about this in my life, but never once thought anyone actually wanted to do this. So I'm really very flustered.
> 
> I asked why she wanted to 'try' this - and got corrected. It's not 'try' - she said, she's done this before - (long before we met some 18 years ago) and wants to do this again and share this with me.
> 
> ...


My thoughts... Your wife is asking you to try something new sexually. Most guys here would give their eye teeth to have a partner who was open to new things. My advice... Open your mind and talk to her about it. If you can't bring yourself to go in through the out door, maybe get a toy to use.

The anus is very rich in nerve endings, and it can be pleasurable for either gender. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> :scratchhead:














PBear said:


> My thoughts... Your wife is asking you to try something new sexually. Most guys here would give their eye teeth to have a partner who was open to new things. My advice... Open your mind and talk to her about it. If you can't bring yourself to go in through the out door, maybe get a toy to use.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


People believe different things, and I very much respect that, but I have never heard of doing this before. None of my past lovers, or ex-wife have ever mentioned this (btw, I'm 52) no one I have ever spoken to, male or female, have ever mentioned this, and I honestly can't understand why a male would consider it - and I'm male. 

But maybe you're right, maybe I'm not 'most guys'. I don't let physical urges run my life. I like to think that I think with my _brain_, and I don't initiate sex, because it's just not that important to me. 

So, no, I'm not at all happy with my wife asking me to try something new sexually, but I'm not willing to turn my back on eighteen years of a relationship.

I feel very trapped.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MrVanilla said:


> People believe different things, and I very much respect that, but I have never heard of doing this before. None of my past lovers, or ex-wife have ever mentioned this (btw, I'm 52) no one I have ever spoken to, male or female, have ever mentioned this, and I honestly can't understand why a male would consider it - and I'm male.
> 
> But maybe you're right, maybe I'm not 'most guys'. I don't let physical urges run my life. I like to think that I think with my _brain_, and I don't initiate sex, because it's just not that important to me.
> 
> ...


So talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel. You've been together with her for a long time, it sounds like. Don't be judgemental, but tell her how you feel.

If you were the female, and your spouse brought up the topic of anal sex, I'd have the same advice, BTW. It's not for everyone, and everybody has "no-go" zones. But we're all grownups here, so we should be able to talk to those with your partner. If you can't, then you need to work on your communication.

C


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

MrVanilla, you said that you don't initiate sex because you're just not that interested. And yet, here's your wife trying to initiate with a new concept, and you sound like you're (no pun intended) pooh-poohing it. 

You can say no to anal; let her know that the idea bothers you. Then you can find an alternative new idea - _together_. 

Be an active participant in your sexual relationship (or perhaps seek counseling and/or medical advice on why you're not into it). Either way, be fair to your wife.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

SabrinaBlue said:


> Be an active participant in your sexual relationship (or perhaps seek counseling and/or medical advice on why you're not into it). Either way, be fair to your wife.


Sabrina,

I'll bet you may have had the opportunity to see one of those funny home videos where some poor fella gets clobbered in the groin by say - a stray baseball - and he folds up and falls over and everyone laughs at his misfortune. =)

The truth of the matter is that physically that particular part of the male anatomy is very sensitive. Imagine if you will that perhaps you had a... hmmm how shall we say this... temporary appendage? =) that was as sensitive as your hands or face. 

Now consider for a moment exactly where you're being asked to shove this very sensitive appendage?... I honestly, and very respectfully... do not think I need to seek any counseling and/or medical advice to think this one through. 

-MrV.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

SprucHub said:


> Mr V., I read your other post where you were denied sex for 10 years and understand you may be harboring resentments and other uncertain feelings.


Oh! Thank you for reading! That's very kind of you. 

If I am harboring resentments, it's news to me. I want this relationship to work, and can't imagine a life without her. 



SprucHub said:


> If that is the cause of your unwillingness to "explore", again, it's your perogative. But, your answers smack not of vanilla naivite, but rather of closemindedness.


This may be my fault in how I word things, and if so, I owe you and others an apology, but I have never had any willingness to explore. I have no desire to. It does not interest me in the slightest. Perhaps, if I ever did have a willingness to explore, I wouldn't be in this situation!! =) 

People have all sorts of interests, from oragami to bungee jumping... and I'm not particularly interested in those either. Oh, but I'm guy? So I should what? be fascinated with building pc's or automobiles? -Well no- we're not talking about _hobbies_, were talking about the natural human sexuality process that everyone is born with. 

Okay... I count nine different posts in this thread alone that indicate that lube is a must for anal intercourse. The word is, of course, an abbreviation for _lubricant_. This is a man-made product sold by companies researched and developed in a laboratory for the sole purpose of providing a comfortable and pleasing experience for what? The natural human love-making process?... Seriously?

The very last thing in the world that I wish do here is take any kind of trollish argumentative stand, so let me please politely, and respectfully, ask you to help me with this: 

I apparently do not have the interest level when it comes to where-all I can slip mister happy. Perhaps you have a far greater interest level. The very reason I am here asking questions is to keep my mind open to the opinions of people at a higher level of interest than my own. Is it possible that my perspective can be viewed with the same open mindedness? 

If not, then I will most humbly accept this mantel of closemindedness.

*apologies for the slightly off topic derail, we now return you to your regularly scheduled thread topic* 
.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

MrVanilla, I'm not taking issue with you for not wanting to try anal sex. My issue is that you claimed that you don't initiate sex because you're just not interested. _That_ is a problem that I would recommend figuring the root cause of.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

SabrinaBlue said:


> MrVanilla, I'm not taking issue with you for not wanting to try anal sex. My issue is that you claimed that you don't initiate sex because you're just not interested. _That_ is a problem that I would recommend figuring the root cause of.


To make sure I understand you. 
You think perhaps I should seek medical or therapist advice.

You may be right. 
Sex for me has always been somewhat constant. I couldn't tell you the difference between good or bad. It's always pretty much the same.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

MrVanilla said:


> People believe different things, and I very much respect that, but I have never heard of doing this before. None of my past lovers, or ex-wife have ever mentioned this (btw, I'm 52) no one I have ever spoken to, male or female, have ever mentioned this, and I honestly can't understand why a male would consider it - and I'm male.
> 
> But maybe you're right, maybe I'm not 'most guys'. I don't let physical urges run my life. I like to think that I think with my _brain_, and I don't initiate sex, because it's just not that important to me.
> 
> ...


Frankly it doesn't sound like you like sex much at all, anal or otherwise. So yes it makes sense that you'd buck at one of the oldest, and most popular, "alternate" sexual acts that human beings indulge in.

There are obviously issues here that stem far and wide beyond this specific topic.


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## bluemantis (Jan 11, 2013)

The problem we have is that my wife has become really close minded, cold and not wanting experiment at all this happened after the she gave birth, we been married for almost seven years and our child is 5 now.

The crazy part is that before she gave birth she was the more adventurous one, like she would give me oral every day before work and I came in her mouth she swallow many times later on the same we had sex at least twice, she was wild I mean like she wanted to do it in public and stuff like that, she even gave me oral on the train and the at movies, well you guys get the picture we were both horny for each other all the time!

By the way she did perform anal on me, I enjoyed it very much.
I asked recently if I can play a little in that area of hers, but she says no way!
when I go down on her and she is relaxed I can see her anus relaxing and opening up im sure she will enjoy, I have licked her anus put my tongue inside she liked but later deny it, saying like its disgusting.

What should we do? we had a great sex life, we really enjoined each other sexually but not anymore she has like this shield around her now and cant get trough it. 

Advice please


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

You should start your own thread. It will get you more responses.


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

MrVanilla said:


> I'm in a very situation as the Original Poster in this thread, only that my wife also suggested we might try this. Except - I had no idea what she was talking about. *seriously not kidding* I had to look it up. I'd heard off-color jokes about this in my life, but never once thought anyone actually wanted to do this. So I'm really very flustered.
> 
> I asked why she wanted to 'try' this - and got corrected. It's not 'try' - she said, she's done this before - (long before we met some 18 years ago) and wants to do this again and share this with me.
> 
> ...


I would f**k my wifes armpit if she asked me! Nevermind an orfice that is easily accessible like an anus. Hey, you don't dig anal-fine, but your wife requested it! It is a MUCH bigger deal for her than you. Man up and please your wife. She didn't ask you for anal 3 times a week, she asked to try and share the experience with her. If you're unwilling to do that, i don't feel you are being fair to her or your marriage. This post seems like it came from the "bizarro" universe. It's always the female that feels this way.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

JTL said:


> This post seems like it came from the "bizarro" universe. It's always the female that feels this way.


I'm pretty sure Mr. Vanilla's statement completely debunks this assumption.

I assumed you just arrived to TAM, but that's not the case. There are lots of women here with husbands who aren't as sexually open as they are.


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## jman (Jun 20, 2012)

jaquen said:


> There are lots of women here with husbands who aren't as sexually open as they are.


this is a baffling problem to me... no matter how much I read it on this forum, it's still stunning


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

jaquen said:


> I'm pretty sure Mr. Vanilla's statement completely debunks this assumption.
> 
> I assumed you just arrived to TAM, but that's not the case. There are lots of women here with husbands who aren't as sexually open as they are.


No, i get that. When it comes to "anal" issues though, the overwhelming majority of posts involve men who want it and women who don't.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

JTL said:


> No, i get that. When it comes to "anal" issues though, the overwhelming majority of posts involve men who want it and women who don't.


Well that makes sense, doesn't it? Seeing as it very often hurts badly, can cause internal damage and women don't have a prostate, so it rarely feels good, neutral at best.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Lyris said:


> ...so it rarely feels good, neutral at best.


You obviously haven't seen the other posts (some in this thread) and some by women, where they enjoy anal sex immensely and get quite a bit of sexual pleasure from it, even an orgasm.


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

Lyris said:


> Well that makes sense, doesn't it? Seeing as it very often hurts badly, can cause internal damage and women don't have a prostate, so it rarely feels good, neutral at best.


Well seeing as your post sounded like it was filled with sarcasm and condescention, i'll bite. I never said anything to the contrary nor did i infer that the women who didn't want anal were in the wrong whatsoever. But...Who are you to state that it often hurts badly and women are damaged internally? Or that it doesn't feel good? My wife o's about 80% of the time we have anal, which is only about 6 times a year. She has had some of her all time best o's from anal as well (her words, not mine). Now this little tidbit doesn't pertain to you anymore than yours did to me or anyone else. I agree that nobody should be forced into doing something they find uncomfortable or painful but neither you or i have the qualifications to tell others what anal (or PIV, oral, whatever) will feel like to them. I will agree that what you wrote can certainly be true for anyone but so can the opposit. We shouldn't write in absolute's.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I didn't use any absolutes, nor was my post sarcastic or condescending. I am actually a woman who does enjoy anal sex, but I don't assume that my experience is everyone's.

My point was that it seems obvious to me why it would be mostly men who want anal and mostly women who don't. Because it very often hurts, and is rarely pleasurable. Simple.


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

My apologies. I read too much into it. We are agreed!


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

JTL said:


> I would f**k my wifes armpit if she asked me! Nevermind an orfice that is easily accessible like an anus.


:rofl::lol:


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