# Is it harder on mothers when the kids leave home?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

My son finished his pilot training so chances are he will have to go up north somewhere to build his hours..I am really dreading that. I know it is what he was to do but the thought of him not being at home seems kind of depressing. Plus I will be worried about him.

I often wonder though if mothers find this harder than dads do..I think my husband is not thrilled about it but he says well he has to do what he has to do.

He is our only child (well he is 22 so not a child anymore) so maybe that is why it seems like it would be more difficult.


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## augustmoonshine (Oct 9, 2012)

hi there, my daughter left home last year to go to university, i have to be honest at first i found it so very hard, even with three children remaining (my eldest left me at 13 to go to live with his father 100 miles away) but i now find that our conversations are daily, sometimes twice a day, which is probably way more than we used to speak when she actually lived here! We have great discussions, i look forward so much to seeing her, but we are both relieved (if thats the right word) when its time for her to return. She now has her own life, and i focus on how proud of her I am and how great it is she is living her life fully. I guess i cant answer how her "father" feels, as she was bought up by her step dad who had kids of his own living elsewhere, so although he missed her, and found it strange at first, the emotional pull wasnt there. Is it harder on mums? Hell yeh, im dreading the final child leaving, i think i may feel as though i no longer have a purpose. Good luck with the transition, it IS hard, but when he becomes your greatest friend, it is worth it all!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It won't be a big deal to me because I'm introverted. I don't need my kids here to feel their love for me. I'm also not a big worrier. They are free to live their lives and so am I.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My kids are 23, 21 and 18.5. As of Feb this year they all moved out. I was, like, *YEAH!!!!* It was SO nice and I kinda missed them, but I still got to see them every week or two.

Then end of Aug my daughter and her boyfriend moved back. I expected it but still, I don't like it. I look forward to them moving out again.

As for whether it's harder on me or my husband, I am sure it's harder on me, he just wants me all to himself  We were actually talking about that just last night. I've had to deal with a series of kid crises the last few days and he apologized for not being there for me and the kids as much as he could be. We had great make up sex, despite the two kids being downstairs making a cake :smthumbup:

I do still worry about them, but no more than I did when they lived at home. I was on my own at 16 and I know they have good heads on their shoulders. I just keep reminding myself about that.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My 18 year old move out in June. Even though she come and spends a few nights a week here, I feel like a part of me is gone.

I miss her like crazy. She's so busy working 2 jobs and preparing for college. She also has a nice steady boyfriend too that she sees often.

I still have 2 at home, but not having my 3rd here breaks my heart.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

My mom bawled her eyes out, went out and redecorated my entire room to something she'd never been able to give me when I was there. It was a beautiful pastel purple with a big canopy bed and it looked like a queen's room. My dad didn't even really grieve, we talk alot though still.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Yes, 

Especially if they did not work outside the home or if the majority of their lives were spent "managing" their upbringing.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I remember the day 25 years ago when I left for boot camp. Me and 75 others shuffled onto a bus at Tiger stadium in Detroit. I was alone, didn't know a soul, and my future was a complete mystery to me. I had never been away from home more than 3 weeks in my life. I looked out the window and there stood my mother; weeping. She buried her head in my father's shoulder and cried. Honestly that image has haunted me my entire adult life. I never wanted to cause her pain like that.


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## happytogether (Sep 8, 2012)

I think it is much harder for mothers when their children leave. When my son moved out, he moved 1500 miles away. For the longest time, it was just he and I. I worried about him constantly when he first left. But he is happy, so I am happy for him. Just wish he would call more often!


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

For me it was the opposite. My dad was worse than my mom. I'm the only son, and my dad doesn't have a lot of male friends and he is very family oriented. I moved out and moved to a foreign country. It was my first time on my own, my first time in a foreign country, and I am the only person in my family to do something like that. All my sisters still live at home. My dad would call me and demand that I come home. He even tried to guilt trip me when I initially made my decision. I moved back to my home town but still my dad speaks sour about my experience because he honestly feels like that country took his son away from him. I have some resentment towards him about that. My mom is generally less serious than my dad and I know she misses me but she would never ever tried to make me feel bad about my decision to go anywhere.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband is going to take it harder than I will. LOL

If my kids moved far away yes I'd miss them but I'd let them go with my blessing. It's the right thing to do.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I think to say it's harder on mothers is a bit of a generalization. In our family it has been hard on both of us, and it's depended a little bit on which child. Our daughter leaving was a little harder on my H. They're very close, and she moved from our home to an apartment with her fiance, which he didn't love, and he's old-school, take care of the girls so he worried about her out on her own. I on the other hand knew that we were so close that I'd still see and talk to her all of the time. Besides, she was so self-sufficient and able to take care of herself that I really didn't worry. I was sad, but not as much so as H. 
Now, our son is another story. He's my baby, my youngest, my last child. He and I are most alike, we talk and kid around. He's a mamma's boy, he takes it upon himself to make sure I'm ok when H is out of town. He lives part time with his grandparents for work and comes home part time, and when he's gone I'm so sad. I miss him so much. H on the other hand sees him as a man. He misses him, but is proud that he's out working and doing well, so he's not as sad.

Every family's different it seems.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I do think it is much harder on mothers compared to fathers. When I moved out, my dad was upset, but not nearly to the extent that my mom was. Even after being on my own, my mom would call me all the time and try to check in on me every chance she could. I was the baby of the family and the last to move out, so it was very difficult for her to let me go. Although, I think we have a better relationship now compared to when I had lived at home.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Speaking from a Mom who has 6 and seriously enjoys the "chaos" of a larger family... my dream... I just know.... it would have been harder on me....had I only had *1* child. The house would have suddenly been so quiet, too empty....the liveliness of friends not stopping by, calling... Love my husband dearly but our children keep things Hopping - much joy they bring to us. 

I fully understand we are here to teach, mold and help our children grow their own wings ... to prepare them to leave the comfort of the nest... all in all...if we have done our jobs well .....this should make the transition a little easier...for parent and child....feeling confident that they've grown into responsible / respectable adults who will use their heads in this big bad world, taking what you have taught them -to







. 

And when this time comes....and oh how fast it flys... this marvelous gift of raising our children....it is now time to "let go".... to settle this in our hearts, this transition....to lay down the apron strings -as they say. 

For me, having 5 still at home...keeps me occupied enough... our house is still full of LIFE, sometimes too much... But even then, when our oldest left... it didn't take too long for it to hit me.. in fact, dropping him off at college and driving home, I CRIED.....realizing... he will likely never go on another family vacation with us... this time has passed, great memories ....but soon he will start his own family... there is JOY in this, but also sadness for any parent... 


It just goes too fast.. probably a week later....I wrote him a 2 page letter ..how it has been a JOY to raise him, how I missed him already but we are so proud of him, the fine young man he has grown into....(Geeze, I am balling now writing this!!)...









He told me how much that meant to him, made him tear up even... he saved it.

For me.... WRITING helps get anything out of my system, after I wrote that letter, balled a little.... then I was good to go. *Acceptance* came over me, He is on his own now, things will never be what they was ...but this is OK... he has started his own NEW adventure. His wings intact. 

Empty Nest feelings hit some mothers harder than others... but it's all.....so NORMAL.

And yes... I was more "emotional" over his Dad.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

Honestly my mother and I get along alot better now then we did when I lived at home. I moved to college a couple of weeks after graduating highschool and haven't moved back. Its been 10 years now.

We caught a lot before, we talk a lot now.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Well I'm going to sounds like a horrid wicked Mum.
As much as I love my kids to bits...I'm am sooo looking forward to this next stage in life. All three are smart and capable and I enjoy watching them 'spread their wings'. One has left home already, one has one more year at high school then off to uni and our baby has 3-5 years and he'll probably be off too. 

The mortgage will be done the same time my youngest leaves and hubby and I have plans!!

We're going on some adventures... we're going to buy a bus or a boat and hit the road/high seas.. while we're still young(ish) and fit.

I live in a small country, my kids would have to travel overseas to get more than a few hours away from me so where ever they go....... we might visit them on our hippy bus...who knows!


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