# Men who stay married less likely to be depressed



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Why second marriages bring a third more agony | Daily Mail Online

_"Men who were still married and had never divorced had the lowest risk of depression."_

Might be worth trying to work things out, if possible. 

Though, to be sure, it may not always be possible.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Interesting. Either remarrying is a bad idea - I can believe that - or (as the article suggested) the remarried men's wives are more likely to encourage them to get help for depression, whereas the unmarried men are less likely to seek help on their own.

*There is also a large bias in the conclusions. Men who stay married may have good marriages and so do not need antidepressants as much. Those who divorced may have needed even more medication if they'd stayed miserably married to their first wives!
* 
It may not be staying in a first marriage that correlates with less use of antidepressants: it may be staying in a GOOD first marriage that correlates.

Personally, divorcing and remarrying a good match has made me far happier. Maybe I'll someday need antidepressants, but I know I'd have needed them if I'd stayed with my ex.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I am big on natural compatibility, too, MbH. But I think divorce can be hard on kids. Tough call.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, it can be hard on kids. A separate study could be done to investigate antidepressant use by pre-adult children of divorced parents. Problems with children in divorce situations could lead to depression in fathers. And what about mothers? Women use antidepressants at 2.5x the rate of men, overall. Without looking at the data to show depression in divorced men versus having children and the children's ages, it's impossible to say if that's correlated or perhaps a cause.


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

i don't know why they bother to tell anyone, 
i doubt anyone believes a "research".


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## razze (Nov 26, 2015)

The study is flawed because men who remain married do so because their marriage is good.

The men who leave, do so because their marriage is in the crapper.

So you're not looking at equal pools of data. 

Anyone who marries more than once is a fool given the high failure rate of remarriage, and it's no surprise that those who marry again are in a bad place mentally, but again that's not necessarily BECAUSE they remarried, it's because anyone stupid enough to marry again after one big failure is obviously a mess to begin with.

You know what they say about those who make the same mistakes over and over but expecting a different response- it's the definition of insanity, and yes, I am saying that anyone who has married more than once has got a screw loose.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

The study is also flawed because it does not separate out the guys who chose to leave from the guys who were left in regards to group of guys who remarried. Obviously the guys who were left, had no real choice in the matter and I am sure many have unresolved issues that would contribute to being depressed in a second marriage.

All in all, I would say the whole thing was just another contrived attempt to send the message that we should all just stick it out. Probably by some researcher trying to justify his own lot in life.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Ynot said:


> The study is also flawed because it does not separate out the guys who chose to leave from the guys who were left in regards to group of guys who remarried. Obviously the guys who were left, had no real choice in the matter and I am sure many have unresolved issues that would contribute to being depressed in a second marriage.
> 
> All in all, I would say the whole thing was just another contrived attempt to send the message that we should all just stick it out. *Probably by some researcher trying to justify his own lot in life.*


Lol!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Here's a more thorough analysis...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...rriage-toxic-women-no-misleading-reporting-is


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

john117 said:


> Here's a more thorough analysis...
> 
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...rriage-toxic-women-no-misleading-reporting-is





> If you get married, you may end up less depressed:
> 
> •	if you start out among the 20% most depressed people to begin with,
> •	if you don't get divorced,
> ...


bwahahahaha!

Thanks man. I had suspected something like this.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

hmmmmmmm, maybe?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

marduk said:


> bwahahahaha!
> 
> Thanks man. I had suspected something like this.


Now you know why I'm not in academia


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## marriage_student (Nov 24, 2015)

"research" is for SUCKERS.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

marriage_student said:


> "research" is for SUCKERS.


Yet you are here, asking questions. That's research. Bazinga!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

there is another thread that suggest that depression leads to divorce and that divorce causes depression. So yes long term married men avoid both of those situations. I on the other hand am the lucky exception. My wife hasn't divorced me over issues related to depression. A dangerous habit she learned from her mother.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

I think it's more likely that men who "stay married" just under-report depression, they get into a rut and just ride it out slowly succumbing to depression and despair. With the collapse of a marriage it's typically one of only a few events that causes men who rarely seek treatment to actually seek treatment for depression, anxiety, alcoholism, etc...

They know this is a major friggin life event and it's either fix what's broken, rebuild, and find someone better than the ex, or slowly die from depression and live life alone.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Isn't depression just self anger? In other words "feelings"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Isn't depression just self anger? In other words "feelings"?


I think depression comes from pervasive negative thoughts that cloud your mood. Most people have negativity reinforced in them in their youth and it's tough to kick.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety much of my life and I am hyper-critical of myself, I'm sure this is where self-doubt and depression stems from. When younger I was an excellent wrestler and something about ruining dudes on the mat was an excellent confidence boost and helped my depression. I then went into the Marine's and loved the camaraderie and competitive aspect of the military everyday. I didn't really deal with depression again until my wife cheated on me 12 years ago, since then it's been on and off periods of intense self-criticism and self-doubt leading to bouts of severe depression and anxiety. I've learned to manage it, but it's never cured, it always comes back. I call depression a terminal illness.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

PDFV1983 said:


> I disagree. You may learn from your mistakes and have a much better second marriage. I find it troubling when people like you make black/white & extreme statements. * My wife was previously married and became divorced after her crazy ex cheated on her and left her. I'll be honest that I held her first marriage against her for a very very long time.* However, I learned that she is an amazing woman who made a mistake of marrying a nut case. Btw, I was also in a long-term relationship of questionable quality for 6 years so we all make mistakes.


Why would you hold her previous marriage against her when her ex-H cheated and left her? What does holding it against her look like? Did you treat her differently?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

We normally skip depression and go right to death...its our exist strategy...granted its a one time thing but it works.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

razze said:


> The study is flawed because men who remain married do so because their marriage is good.
> 
> The men who leave, do so because their marriage is in the crapper.
> 
> ...


I was married before, and it was pretty bad.

I got divorced and have remarried, and it has been quite good for the past almost 20 years.

Note that I'm not saying this is universal, because it isn't. But it is possible to have a good second marriage.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dude007 said:


> Isn't *depression* just self anger? In other words "feelings"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anger turned inward


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Xenote said:


> We normally skip depression and go right to death...its our exist strategy...granted its a one time thing but it works.


How can you be sure it works? I have a theory that it doesn't.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

PDFV1983 said:


> This may sound unfair/wrong but this is how i thought:
> 
> When I heard the story, I felt that I was a much better catch than her ex. I was more educated, wealthier, fitter, better looking, non-cheater, more adventurous, more intellectual, etc. Therefore, I said to myself that if a guy like that could score this woman, then it means I could do much better than her. This caused me much pain & sadness, because I decided for a while that she wasn't good enough. I guess once you date a 'loser', you degrade you value a bit. Now I am passing a judgement calling him a loser. I get that. But if you treat the dating world like a free market, I'd have more options than him. After dating my wife for a couple of years, I realized her ex was a moron for giving her up. It was like throwing away a Mercedes Benz. She tells me that he was very threatened by her & felt inferior so he went on to cheat. To this day, I still have my rare moments when I worry that I am missing something. Why did he leave, I think to myself. Is there something that I am missing. I haven't found anything. 6 years of being together and she has been the best friend and wife.


If you read the infidelity boards, it soon becomes clear that people cheat because there is something within themselves that is messed up. They would cheat on anybody regardless of their partners' qualities. He left because he is messed up, not because she is.

I hope you don't give these kind of thoughts too much room in your head because it's a lot more satisfying and enjoyable - and productive - to reflect on the goodness in your marriage and the wonderful things about your wife, rather than trying to dissect the mind of a cheater while looking for things wrong with your wife.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You're right of course it is about the cheater and not the betrayed. I know sometimes it catches you off guard though, like today I was reading another thread about a wife who was taught a "lesson" from her husband because she mismanaged some money. And I think wow this woman is hear trying to fix things with her ********* husband and not cheating and I was a great spouse and got cheated on how is this possible.. Then you turn your head to that it wasn't about me but rather her. You make a good point


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

So if someone is very forgiving, they would not likely suffer from depression? Because anger is anger, right?


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## Mark82 (Nov 25, 2015)

jld said:


> Why second marriages bring a third more agony | Daily Mail Online
> 
> _"Men who were still married and had never divorced had the lowest risk of depression."_
> 
> ...


What a stupid article, how can you go off research based in 1952 - 1956, we live in a completely different planet now.


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