# Porn addiction



## Gabbs95 (Feb 20, 2021)

so when I first met my husband maybe ten years ago now, we were young teens and he would never be with me he would be locked up in the restroom almost 24/7 and porn never crossed my mind but I would ask like is something wrong? Or what’s going on? Cause he lived in the restroom with us iPad might I say, he just always told me he was taking a crap. After years I was like this isn’t adding up and he made it obvious by living in the restroom so one day I checked the iPad and found a never ending history of porn. He’s told me porn is all he can think about, he’s told me he’s sick, but he never does anything to get help.. and I don’t believe he wants to? I know porn is normal but I think to a certain extend and then it becomes a problem the only reason I never left him is because people say it’s normal but I don’t think they understand how serious it is I’m the one living through it he’s truly addicted it crosses his mind 24/7 he lies and would rather have me leave him than tell the truth, I have two children ages 6 and 9 he has unknowingly played porn connected to my blue tooth speaker for my job to hear and my kids to hear but they were asleep but still what if they did hear? Just the other day I caught him jerking off to porn in our pantry might I tell you our pantry door does not close so what if my little girl walked in on him doing that? Or my son? So if I break up with him how is it that people can still tell me it’s normal when it’s severe in his case so much that he’s not thinking about the kids catching him. He tried acting good by giving me his phone 24/7 so I would think he’s trying to stop but really he didn’t instead he started staying upstairs playing porn on his Xbox and my kids are asleep in the same room what if they wake up and see that!? He doesn’t seem to be thinking! We also struggle every now in then with our sex life because he can’t get an erection from all the porn he sees this isn’t all the time but it is sometimes he just can’t and he knows it’s due to the porn. He is letting it consume him so much he’s okay with me leaving him because technically he’s not alone as long as he has his phone for porn he is happy. It’s made me like idk mentally not okay I’ve pulled through for ten years or so trying to tell myself it’s normal but is it though? Is this extent of porn normal? Am I crazy for leaving him? He’s an amazing a beyond amazing father he is, but I don’t know how much longer I can pull through in this relationship too much has happen and it’s affected us and idk how much longer I can ignore it. He will watch porn all day long if he could and he has sometimes when we argue or don’t talk oh he loves those times cause then I’m temporarily out of the picture so he can stay upstairs in the room all day long looking at porn and never come down not once. He’s went as far as looking at teen porn and I blew up I mean I have a daughter and I don’t find that okay at all and he said well she’s not a real teen it just says that I just wanted something younger, guys, I’m barley turning 26 He’s 29 and Idk I’m losing my mind here.. it’s hard to leave someone I love someone I have been with for ten years he’s an amazing person so amazing but this is just it’s taking control of him..


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Holy smokes ... that’s bad. I’m not even a porn hater type person as I view myself but your husband is WAY over the top. I don’t think it’s out of the question to leave him .... addiction is addiction..... no matter the drug. As an aside from that is the fact that addicts often trade one addiction for another..... how hard do you want to fight.... what are you willing to go through???


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## Gabbs95 (Feb 20, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Holy smokes ... that’s bad. I’m not even a porn hater type person as I view myself but your husband is WAY over the top. I don’t think it’s out of the question to leave him .... addiction is addiction..... no matter the drug. As an aside from that is the fact that addicts often trade one addiction for another..... how hard do you want to fight.... what are you willing to go through???


I don’t get it though and trying to understand it has taken a toll on my mind so much. Why is it this serious? Why is it all he thinks about? He can’t watch news or movies or sports channel without searching up the pretty girl on the tv to jerk off to. So like I’m not even okay with watching movies with him anymore because he makes everything into porn he takes fun family movie nights into something dirty like I can’t even watch tv with my husband anymore cause he cant just innocently watch tv? One day my little girl came home from school talking about idk some news girl in class and from that innocent conversation my little girl was trying to have he went straight to well what’s that news girls name? And he went to go look her up on the internet right away. And I was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? now when you ask me how hard do I want to fight or what I’m willing to go through what exactly do you mean because I’ve stuck around with his severe porn addiction for ten years trying to be there for him hoping he could change but instead I think he views it as hah she’s not gonna leave me clearly so I can keep doing it


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

He has serious issues. You should give him ultimatums. At the very least he enters a 12 step and gets some help. Honestly I don't think that will help at this point. He needs to be in a program. It is not going to get better unless he does.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Gabbs95 said:


> so when I first met my husband maybe ten years ago now, we were young teens and he would never be with me he would be locked up in the restroom almost 24/7 and porn never crossed my mind but I would ask like is something wrong? Or what’s going on? Cause he lived in the restroom with us iPad might I say, he just always told me he was taking a crap. After years I was like this isn’t adding up and he made it obvious by living in the restroom so one day I checked the iPad and found a never ending history of porn. He’s told me porn is all he can think about, he’s told me he’s sick, but he never does anything to get help.. and I don’t believe he wants to? I know porn is normal but I think to a certain extend and then it becomes a problem the only reason I never left him is because people say it’s normal but I don’t think they understand how serious it is I’m the one living through it he’s truly addicted it crosses his mind 24/7 he lies and would rather have me leave him than tell the truth, I have two children ages 6 and 9 he has unknowingly played porn connected to my blue tooth speaker for my job to hear and my kids to hear but they were asleep but still what if they did hear? Just the other day I caught him jerking off to porn in our pantry might I tell you our pantry door does not close so what if my little girl walked in on him doing that? Or my son? So if I break up with him how is it that people can still tell me it’s normal when it’s severe in his case so much that he’s not thinking about the kids catching him. He tried acting good by giving me his phone 24/7 so I would think he’s trying to stop but really he didn’t instead he started staying upstairs playing porn on his Xbox and my kids are asleep in the same room what if they wake up and see that!? He doesn’t seem to be thinking! We also struggle every now in then with our sex life because he can’t get an erection from all the porn he sees this isn’t all the time but it is sometimes he just can’t and he knows it’s due to the porn. He is letting it consume him so much he’s okay with me leaving him because technically he’s not alone as long as he has his phone for porn he is happy. It’s made me like idk mentally not okay I’ve pulled through for ten years or so trying to tell myself it’s normal but is it though? Is this extent of porn normal? Am I crazy for leaving him? He’s an amazing a beyond amazing father he is, but I don’t know how much longer I can pull through in this relationship too much has happen and it’s affected us and idk how much longer I can ignore it. He will watch porn all day long if he could and he has sometimes when we argue or don’t talk oh he loves those times cause then I’m temporarily out of the picture so he can stay upstairs in the room all day long looking at porn and never come down not once. He’s went as far as looking at teen porn and I blew up I mean I have a daughter and I don’t find that okay at all and he said well she’s not a real teen it just says that I just wanted something younger, guys, I’m barley turning 26 He’s 29 and Idk I’m losing my mind here.. it’s hard to leave someone I love someone I have been with for ten years he’s an amazing person so amazing but this is just it’s taking control of him..


It's not normal and you have every right to be concerned. Put some boundaries in place for you and your kids and require him to find treatment in order to continue your relationship. Check out nofap dot com for support on this.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Gabbs95 said:


> for ten years or so trying to tell myself it’s normal but is it though? Is this extent of porn normal? Am I crazy for leaving him? He’s an amazing a beyond amazing father he is, but I don’t know how much longer I can pull through in this relationship too much has happen and it’s affected us and idk how much longer I can ignore it.


No, it is absolutely not normal. I know everyone is different but _if_ I look at porn it's like once a week at the very most, for maybe 10 minutes. Some men claim to never, ever watch porn.

No, you would not be crazy for leaving him. You can leave a relationship for any reason and this certainly is a good one.

How is he a beyond amazing father if he's doing all this and exposing his kids to this? Destroying their family with his addiction? How can he possibly jerk off 24/7 and be an active father?

He needs help, a lot of it. If he was an alcoholic, would you question staying? What if it was drugs instead? Gambling? Hookers?

Your friends are idiots. Maybe well-intentioned, but still idiots.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Gabbs95, 

You had 3 threads with the exact same 1st post. I merged the thread three threads into this one. You will get better input with one thread on a topic.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You need to get those children out of there, they are at risk. A lady I used to know found out that her husband was watching porn in the same room as the children and she ended their marriage and she took him to court. From that time on he wasnt allowed any unsupervised visits with them and rightly so. He put them in danger, allowing a child to see porn is classed as child sexual abuse and its only luck that they havent seen him actually masturbate to porn. 
You say he is an amazing father, no he isnt he is being a terrible father.

See a lawyer and tell him/her what is going on. No porn isnt normal, just because a lot of people watch it doeant make it normal or ok and his addiction is way way over the top anyway. When its badly affecting the whole family then something needs to be done. He isnt going to do anythng so you need to, to protect the children.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

I think I'd tell him to get help now, or I will bring his family/friends into this for an intervention. I certainly wouldn't agree to hide his dirty secret. Keeping it quiet could very likely end with him having unsupervised visitation with the kids. He needs to do something now, if he wants a relationship with the children.

It is not normal, and it will only get worse. This kind of thing apparently escalates if allowed to go unchecked. I read that it's like when a drug addict needs harder drugs to chase the high. Porn addicts apparently need more and more taboo/weird/rough stuff to get off. It can also lead to cam girls, other online crap, sometimes IRL affair... If you think he's gone that far, you should get checked for STDs.

Sorry you're going through this. Like any addiction, it destroys a lot of relationships.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

This has crossed the line into non-contact sexual abuse if they’re being exposed to sexual material. I mean it.

Please do something about this or somebody else will. And somebody needs to step in for the safety of those kids. This is sexually deviant behaviour, not a porn addiction. There’s a pattern and he’s stepping it up.

People with addictions usually go out of their way to hide, and I’m concerned that he’s not finding a way not to do this away from the kids. Don’t say he’s unknowingly doing this, you’ve described 3 instances where he’s been in front of the kids. I’m sure there are more. 

You know what you need to do, and it’s going to be terrifying for you to take that step.

No this is not normal. Don’t question your sanity, don’t say people are going to tell you it’s normal.

I’m going to ask a question, and you don’t need to answer this on the forum, but you will know the answer and if the answer is yes, please call a hotline if there is one in your country and talk to a counsellor:

When you have had sex together, have their been instances where he didn’t care if the children were watching or listening? It might have been very subtle, or where you yourself might have felt uncomfortable... say for example a door being open when it shouldn’t? Or around the house while the kids may have been awake and playing nearby?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’m sorry but your kids will be porn users eventually too with his devices around. I’d say he needs to give up porn along with all of the devices he is using to access it. Once access to porn is difficult or impossible- he can start healing.

Porn wrecks men and marriage... textbook example here.


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