# Almost afraid to ask



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I got a text last week from an old friend who wanted to have lunch. While I wanted to see him these are becoming pretty predictable when I meet with old friends between the ages of 45-55.

So we talk for awhile catching up on each other's families and I ask him how his W is doing and he says fantastic except for all the secretive texting. My heart sinks. He goes on to tell me he caught her hiding in the closet texting. She says it is nothing and he seems relatively unphased. She is an extremely beautiful woman and I have no doubt she gets hit on daily. He seems like he does not want to know. He is in a sexless marriage as well. I said you know all you have to do is take a look at your phone records to connect the dots. He knows but it seems like he does not want to know.

At work we have just hired to new employees. They are both divorced. The first guy's wife was having an affair with a guy in a city 2 hours away. She was disappearing for hours on end and he found a burner phone. She broke it off when she found out the guy she was cheating had several other women in his "stable". 

The other guy was married for about 15 years and one day he found a bunch of lingerie he had never seen before. He asked her about it and she played dumb saying she never wore it. He said I know you have never worn it for me but I have no doubt you wear it for someone. He ended it on the spot.

Like I said I am almost afraid to go out to lunch with any of my old friends. It is getting depressing.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jesus! What the hell is going on in your neck of the woods?!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

It must be pretty crowded in that closet with her, her boyfriend, and Capt. Obvious all crammed in there.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Jesus! What the hell is going on in your neck of the woods?!?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sadly enough, the same thing that's going on in everyone else's neck of the woods.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just speaking as a man. I don't get so many men being this stupid and passive! Not trying to be mean but they strike me as pvssies!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Just speaking as a man. I don't get so many men being this stupid and passive! Not trying to be mean but they strike me as pvssies!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've had that burr in my saddle for some time now.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Just speaking as a man. I don't get so many men being this stupid and passive! Not trying to be mean but they strike me as pvssies!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wanted to slap my buddy the other day at lunch. Why would one want to live under that illusion?


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

There appear to be some that do as evidenced by a recent post wherein the discussion raged about wanting to have a previous affair revealed or kept hidden. Perhaps the fantasy is better than reality to some. I find it fascinating.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ScrambledEggs said:


> It must be pretty crowded in that closet with her, her boyfriend, and Capt. Obvious all crammed in there.


:lol: :rofl:


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Just speaking as a man. I don't get so many men being this stupid and passive! Not trying to be mean but they strike me as pvssies!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





3putt said:


> I've had that burr in my saddle for some time now.





RClawson said:


> I wanted to slap my buddy the other day at lunch. Why would one want to live under that illusion?


Ditto. I don't get it.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> There appear to be some that do as evidenced by a recent post wherein the discussion raged about wanting to have a previous affair revealed or kept hidden. Perhaps the fantasy is better than reality to some. *I find it fascinating*.


Well you are Spock like after all.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RClawson said:


> I got a text last week from an old friend who wanted to have lunch. While I wanted to see him these are becoming pretty predictable when I meet with old friends between the ages of 45-55.
> 
> So we talk for awhile catching up on each other's families and I ask him how his W is doing and he says fantastic except for all the secretive texting. My heart sinks. He goes on to tell me he caught her hiding in the closet texting. She says it is nothing and he seems relatively unphased. She is an extremely beautiful woman and I have no doubt she gets hit on daily. He seems like he does not want to know. He is in a sexless marriage as well. I said you know all you have to do is take a look at your phone records to connect the dots. He knows but it seems like he does not want to know.


I think I'd have just said, "You realize that she's cheating on you, right?"



RClawson said:


> At work we have just hired to new employees. They are both divorced. The first guy's wife was having an affair with a guy in a city 2 hours away. She was disappearing for hours on end and he found a burner phone. She broke it off when she found out the guy she was cheating had several other women in his "stable".
> 
> *The other guy was married for about 15 years and one day he found a bunch of lingerie he had never seen before. He asked her about it and she played dumb saying she never wore it. He said I know you have never worn it for me but I have no doubt you wear it for someone. He ended it on the spot.*
> 
> Like I said I am almost afraid to go out to lunch with any of my old friends. It is getting depressing.


Damn. That's hardcore. I wonder if he had some suspicions beforehand...?


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I hate saying this but these men have given their testicles to their wives to keep in their purses and now their wives are on the prowl for men who still have theirs.


----------



## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

RC, I wonder if you work for my company. My 56-year-old husband has basically left me and our 13-year-old son for another woman after 25 years of marriage. I thought (and hoped) I was alone in that, but have come to find out a couple of coworkers have recently gone through similar stuff, and a couple of of longtime friends have, as well.

There seems to be no shortage of middle-aged narcissists in the world who feel they deserve and are entitled to that greener grass on the other side, because they "aren't getting any younger" and things with their longtime spouses who've bore and/or helped create and raise their children and stood by them in sickness and loss "have never been right."


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Well you are Spock like after all.


Indeed. The part I find so fascinating is the line. When one chooses to live in a vacuum, even partially, of truth, where is the line drawn? How much truth is acceptable and how much is to be kept hidden? It places friends and family in a very precarious position as to what to reveal and what not to. It is an intriguing line of thinking but one I find impossible to align with.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I hate to be this blunt but a marriage is like an monetary investment. If it ain't going up in value and paying a dividend why keep it. These sexless, makings other thing more important, cheating, texting, into themselves, marriages are horse shyt. A beautiful wife ain't worth crap if she's giving it up to somebody besides you. I've always found too many replacements available for me to play second fiddle to anybody. 
I'll do pretty much anything for my wife, she dragged me out of a life of hell and iniquity and probably saved my life, not to mention my soul. I'll love her forever. But when she shows me I'm anything but first, especially for the likes of another man, forever is over.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I hate to be this blunt but a marriage is like an monetary investment. If it ain't going up in value and paying a dividend why keep it. These sexless, makings other thing more important, cheating, texting, into themselves, marriages are horse shyt. A beautiful wife ain't worth crap if she's giving it up to somebody besides you. I've always found too many replacements available for me to play second fiddle to anybody.
> I'll do pretty much anything for my wife, she dragged me out of a life of hell and iniquity and probably saved my life, not to mention my soul. I'll love her forever. But when she shows me I'm anything but first, especially for the likes of another man, forever is over.


Equating a marriage to an investment is rather reductionist don't you think? 
When it comes to people, emotions, feelings, etc things are not so simple. Sometimes the investor isn't so savy in the ways of investing. He/she doesn't know when to invest, when to wait, when to invest more, when to withdraw, when to maintain capital, when to sell, etc. It takes a wise investor to reap the benefits of the investment and be prepared for the losses as well as gains and be in for the long haul, not just for quick rewards.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> I think I'd have just said, "You realize that she's cheating on you, right?"
> 
> *My comment to him was "Do you need a larger Red Flag"?*
> 
> ...


*I believe he was blindsided. I do like the way he just ended it.....that day. Over! She did not fight it.*


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

morituri said:


> I hate saying this but these men have given their testicles to their wives to keep in their purses and now their wives are on the prowl for men who still have theirs.


Actually two of the three took quite definitive action and left their wives.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Nomorebeans said:


> RC, I wonder if you work for my company. My 56-year-old husband has basically left me and our 13-year-old son for another woman after 25 years of marriage. I thought (and hoped) I was alone in that, but have come to find out a couple of coworkers have recently gone through similar stuff, and a couple of of longtime friends have, as well.
> 
> There seems to be no shortage of middle-aged narcissists in the world who feel they deserve and are entitled to that greener grass on the other side, because they "aren't getting any younger" and things with their longtime spouses who've bore and/or helped create and raise their children and stood by them in sickness and loss "have never been right."


I think we are in the middle of an escalating epidemic. I do not believe there is any end in sight. I empathize with you and your son and wish you nothing but peace in your heart.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

aine said:


> Equating a marriage to an investment is rather reductionist don't you think?
> When it comes to people, emotions, feelings, etc things are not so simple. Sometimes the investor isn't so savy in the ways of investing. He/she doesn't know when to invest, when to wait, when to invest more, when to withdraw, when to maintain capital, when to sell, etc. It takes a wise investor to reap the benefits of the investment and be prepared for the losses as well as gains and be in for the long haul, not just for quick rewards.


It is interesting aine and I understand your thoughts. I think many men, I include myself in this group, are quite naive when it comes to middle aged marriages. I never thought I would have to fight for my relationship at this time in life. This "investment" was the one I believed I could always count on. My reality has been something much different. It has been humbling but oddly enough I am somewhat grateful for the experience. Go figure.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

aine said:


> Sometimes the investor isn't so savy in the ways of investing. He/she doesn't know when to invest, when to wait, when to invest more, when to withdraw, when to maintain capital, when to sell, etc.


_That's what I'm saying Aine. You invest when there a solid history of positive results, you invest more when she demonstrates her value in you goes up, you withdraw when it goes down, you maintain capital when you're satisfied things are right and she's treating you like you're the cats pajamas, and you sell when she's pursuing other romantic interest. When a woman is crazy about you, the rewards are quick, regular, and long term.
I mean would Buffet keep a woman around that he knew was running with other men. 
_





RClawson said:


> This "investment" was the one I believed I could always count on.


Everybody thinks that RC. You count on them until you can't and then you take a hard look at what you have and decide if you want to stay with someone who wants something that you that don't deliver. I never intend to fight for a relationship. I don't want to work that hard. Like the song sez, "if it don't come easy, you better let it go." And count on it. When they lose interest it never really comes back.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RC, I think this is the time when most people have to fight for their marriages because

1. people change and want different things from life
2. kids have grown up and gone away
3. careers are made/businesses are stable
4. SAHM's need to find another passion/pursuit after pandering to everyone else for years
5. menopause affects 50% of the marriage 
6. some suffer from empty nest syndrome
7. some get sick, lose weight, get fat, etc - physically very different
8. Most begin to think about their remaining days and wonder what they have done in 40-50 years

add all of this to a mix, it creates strenuous pressures on marriages.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Just speaking as a man. I don't get so many men being this stupid and passive! Not trying to be mean but they strike me as pvssies!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or just no longer gives a sh!t and in the case of a sexless marriage, hoping she also leaves soon!


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

RClawson said:


> I wanted to slap my buddy the other day at lunch. Why would one want to live under that illusion?


Any chance he's doing the same thing?


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

aine said:


> RC, I think this is the time when most people have to fight for their marriages because
> 
> 1. people change and want different things from life
> 2. kids have grown up and gone away
> ...


My wife started EAPA cheating on me at age 44.

1 check
2 check
3 check
5 check
6 check biggie
7 check lost weight, hair change, new look, 
8 check I was boring


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Any chance he's doing the same thing?


Highly doubtful


----------

