# My Long Story.. Just Need a Point of View



## lovely_me (Aug 26, 2010)

Dear Reader,

I'd like to thank you in advance for reading my post. I am 27 years old, been together with my spouse for 10 years, married for 5, Currently been separated for 1 year and 4 months. I'd like to add that asking my husband for a divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever done. 

Just a bit of history on how i got to my current predicament. I was married at 19, I was so excited to finally move out of my parents home and start my married life with the man i love. Little did I know, that when I married my Hubby, i also had married his family. My husband was always very close to his parents and had always been very well attended to by his mother. He was raised to think, that women should do what they are told by their husband, and should cook, clean and attend to a man's everyneed. In his household if a women is present a man, shall not wash a dish, or clean house. To add further, his father always tought them that a man is man by how many women they can get, Of course always keep a primary one at home to be wife! On the otherhand i was raised completly different, my mother always worked, and instead of telling us to find a husband that will take care of us, like his mother told his sister. She would tell me to go to school and become something, in my family a man was always respectfull to their wife, and cheating was a big issues, my father cooked and cleaned he also washed his own clothes.. 

After only a year of marriage i found out that he had been texting/seeing some other women for 4 months, he told her he loved her and missed her and all that stuff. I was devasted, when i asked why he cheated or what had i done wrong he said nothing. He claimed nothing happened between them, but to me the intent was their and it was as good as if he had done something. I never, till this day understood why he did what he did, shortly after i got pregnant and had a beautfull little girl. He later told me, that he wanted me to find out he was cheating, becouse he wanted know if i would leave him for something stupid like that? During my preganancy the same thing happened with another girl, he played the part and i believed him. I never forgave him for cheating, I always felt a constant need for attention even in the begging. I never got any, the only attention he gave me was when he wanted to be intamate. After a few years of resent, I am embarrased to say that i cheated on him too, and not just with one man with several. I never told him and I never will. My need for attention was so bad i reduced my self to being with other men. Nothing was the same after what i had done, I had lost all dignity, but i had also had enough of the insults and lack of attention. I had done everything i could to make him happy, if he said i couldn't do something or go somewhere i would listen and not go. Although none of this is an excuse for what i did. I knew i had to end my marriage, i was numb and i was taking it out on my little one so i asked for a divorce. and here i am almost 2 years later. 

At first after the separation, he did not want to get back together. I knew no life, but the one i had with with , he was so cold and said i was making a mistake, he even helped me pack. it has been so difficult for me to move on. and everytime i started to see the grass a little greener, he would call and say he missed his family. He has asked me to go back with him, but not before he set a few conditions and rules i had to follow.. I dont know what to do anymore, sometimes i want to go back, but i always find reasons not too. I have been able to do things, he led me to believe i could never do. I always tried to be the perfect wife, and now i just want to be loved and showed that i am loved.. I have asked him for one thing, and that is to move closer to my family, which is 30 min drive from his work, and he said no. We are supposadley trying things out, but he only comes over to spend night and usually just wants to have sex, also he only calls when he is bored... I have given him complete freedom to see his dauther and he has probably only spent about a month out of the 1 year and 4 mos we have been apart.. What do i do? I feel so wrong to judge him so much, when i did what i did. but how can i forget all the things he said to me that were hurtfull. I dont understand, why i feel the need to be with him.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

At first glance I would say it sounds like you are better off staying apart. Unless you are SURE you want to be with him and you are both willing to work on things, then you'd likely end up going through another separation/divorce sooner or later.

Sounds like you just need to move on.

If you don't mind - just a note - interesting to hear you admit that you felt you lost all dignity while you were having your affairs. For the most part I picture my wife as being an unhappy person too - your statement kind of gives that feeling a bit more credibility.

Thank you for your honesty and good luck.


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