# Are all men like this?



## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

OK, I know hubby works hard, actually dog hard.
I do what I can to make him feel comfortable and happy when he's at home. I'll fetch him snacks, tea, desserts, etc.

Tonight, he thought that the dessert I had looked good, so I told him next time I went downstairs, I'd get one for him. (I had already offered it to him, and he had said no)... Anyways, I went downstairs and got it, and warmed it up, and brought it back up to him. I don't even remember if he said "Thank you" for it, but what I did hear is: "What's this? I almost burnt myself!"

Well, I YELLED at him that if he was going to complain, that next time maybe I just won't offer to get him anything. I was so mad, I went downstairs to cool off. [a little background, it's a repeat thing, where he often doesn't show gratefulness]...

Anyways, when I came back up, I asked him if he had anything to say, and he said I should be apologizing, for "freaking" on him, and he turned it around to his job and his work. (that really doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the argument). 

My point is, do all men "turn it around", so if a woman is upset about something, he turns it around to where we should feel we have no reason ever to be upset, because of all HE goes through?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Oh, you already know the answer to this. Lovely flowers in your profile photo by the way!

My husband treats me like a Queen, so I can't complain. He'd say "thank you" and if it was too hot, he'd put it aside and wait for it to cool. Conversely though, I do not yell. This is not my personality-style and tantrums would not be tolerated by my husband. 

I will however share that the other day, Hubs did make a sarcastic remark to me though. I don't mind some sarcastic humor but I wasn't a fan of the way he'd directed this at me. He's rarely sarcastic, he learned early on it's not the way to be with me. Anyway, he made this remark and I calmly said "Do you think that's the way to speak to your sexy wife?" (I'm his sexy wife for the record lol). I think it caught him by surprise. He immediately said no and apologized. Then afterwards he was addressing me as "my sexy wife" until he commented on being a sexy husband and then we started flirting .....you can be upset but I don't think stomping and yelling ever gets a message across to someone. If he's treated you rudely, I'd expect a level of ownership on his part.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The man sounds overworked and depressed.
A lot of men don't know how to voice their issues so they snap, like he did.

It's not right, and should be dealt with.

My hubs never said thank you and it was a problem. We talked about it and I told him what I needed and he is trying very hard now. But the conversation was a loving one...not accusing him of any wrong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I know women who do that as well.

You basically attacked him by yelling at him. So he's going to defend himself. That's the natural response to an attack.

I'm not saying he was right. But, unless a person spends effort to learn to not respond in a defensive manner when attacked, they will be defensive.

You want your husband to thank you for brining him desert. 

How often do you thank him for going to work every day?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

No - not all men are like that...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

Yeah, I know, I shouldn't have yelled.

TY heartsbeating. They are the flowers from my wedding bouquet!


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Wow I treat my wife like a Queen. I wish sometimes she would treat me like the king though


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I treat her like the queen and she treats me like the king.Its basically a competition to she who can wait on who first. But then we have had 35 years to practice. 

I will do anything in the world for her as long as she shows some modicum of appreciation for what I do and she always does but I understand where you are coming from. If someone appears ungrateful when I help them then that is the straw that broke the camels back for me.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How often do you thank him for going to work every day?


:iagree: this. 
I bet its not every time he goes.

I think in awnsering your question I didn't even need to open and read the thread. Of course not all men are the same in any way other than having a penis.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

freeshias4me said:


> My point is, do all men "turn it around", so if a woman is upset about something, he turns it around to where we should feel we have no reason ever to be upset, because of all HE goes through?


If an apology on behalf of men would help, I'll give it.  But it's really a people thing, not a man thing.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It seems like you brought him desert not primarily because you thought it would please him but rather to evoke a show of gratitude from him. It may have been thoughtless of him to not show appreciation, but remember he didn't ask for the desert in the first place, you took it upon yourself and when he didn't react how YOU thought he should YOU made this an issue about what you wanted (ie not what he did) and then attacked him. He was right to ask for an apology from you, and then promptly afterwards you should have expressed how you wanted to please him by bringing desert and was hoping it was a chance to be shown some love and consideration.

In the future if you decide to do a task for someone on your own undertaking, don't put expectations on how they are supposed to react, do it because you want to do it, or else you are always hinging your happiness on the actions of others and you will set yourself up for disappointment.

correction: sorry upon rereading your OP I realized its not getting you something he didn't want that he was complaining about, he was complaining that it was too hot... ok I retract my sentiment then... since he did accept the dessert then it was rude for him to criticize you if it wasn't to his liking. I still think yelling wasn't the appropriate response, but yeah he did turn it around on you for asking for your apology.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think its normal to be less thank full as your marriage tools along.

not that its right but we are people and we take things for granted.

might be time to sit down and have the we need to be nicer to eachother talk.


if you treat him like you said in you post then he needs to step up his appreaciation for you and show it.

everybody like to be appreciated and you deserve it also. good luck


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

If you really meant for each other then why thank yous n sorrys if other is not SO bad?? Well i dont think it is a big issue indeed.  and the other part it was his mistake that time but everyone is not the same


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

No, all men are not like that. My husband would never turn things around to try to make me feel like I shouldn't be upset with him. BUT, I also try VERY HARD not to raise my voice to him. He hates that, and it gets me no where.

In every marriage there are times when our spouse does something that bothers us or hurts our feelings. It's important that we CALMLY talk to them about it and explain how it makes us feel and what change we would appreciate seeing.
Use this specific instance to let him know he hurt your feelings and tell him how you wish he'd behaved, that a Thank You would have been nice, that you feel he doesn't show appreciation for the things you do for him, and then appologize for shouting. He might be so stressed and tired from work that he doesn't even realize how upset his actions make you. You have to make sure he knows.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

It bothers me quite a bit when my GF gets *more* upset over a situation than what I think is appropriate. 

For instance, if I said something that offended and she yelled in return, stormed off, and sulked, I'd be pretty upset about how upset she got. I'd feel that the level of unhappiness displayed would be disproportionate to anything done by me.

But I guess that sounds like I get to decide how offended someone gets to be? 

Normally the best thing to do is what I'mallin says though - mutual apology and move on.


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