# Lost another



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity. 

Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.

If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

sorry for your loss. This stuff fn stinks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Just like your friend's wife's decision to cheat was all on her, your friend's decision to take his life is all on him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


I'm sorry about your friend. Did he talk to you about how he was feeling?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am sorry to hear about this and for your and his families loss.

Cheaters never give any real thought to the loss of the family, trust, the pain that they are going to rain down on others.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


Another...? How many of your friends have committed suicide under similar circumstances?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


Please don't tell me there are children?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I really have a hard time understanding why these guys consider their wife cheating such a loss, the rest of their life is not worth living. It would take me less than a week to replace her with a newer model with less mileage.
Don't get me wrong. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But if she strayed and I knew it, I'd be sizing up the inventory rather than eating a bullet.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Ripper, really sorry for your loss.

I agree with Pheonix- no piece of a$$ is ever worth that.

800-273-TALK
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

A permanent solution to a temporay problem.

My heart goes out to the people who loved him that he chose to leave behind. Sad

I can understand. I was having the same thoughts when my ex left me. If it weren't for not wanting to hurt my then 4 year old Daughter...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> A permanent solution to a temporay problem.
> 
> My heart goes out to the people who loved him that he chose to leave behind. Sad
> 
> I can understand. I was having the same thoughts when my ex left me. If it weren't for not wanting to hurt my then 4 year old Daughter...


But you won't ever think like that again, huh? Because no one who betrays you or treats you badly is EVER worth you losing self respect or hurting yourself. EVER.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> A permanent solution to a temporay problem.
> 
> My heart goes out to the people who loved him that he chose to leave behind. Sad
> 
> I can understand. I was having the same thoughts when my ex left me. If it weren't for not wanting to hurt my then 4 year old Daughter...


The only thing that kept me from suicide on one particular day was my daughter as well.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I really have a hard time understanding why these guys consider their wife cheating such a loss, the rest of their life is not worth living. *It would take me less than a week to replace her with a newer model with less mileage.*
> Don't get me wrong. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But if she strayed and I knew it, I'd be sizing up the inventory rather than eating a bullet.


LOL. Damn Dawg...


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

Sorry about your friend Ripper. I hope his loved ones will find a way to get through this. As for his widow I'd imagine if she has any bit of a conscience left she will be living with an unfathomable amount of guilt and shame for the rest of her life. His family and friends are not likely to be very sympathetic toward her, understandably. She's likely made herself a pariah in the community due to her selfishness. What a terrible waste.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I doubt if the cheating wife will lose much sleep over it. She had needs too, you know. Her mind is probably occupied mostly with a sense of loss regarding missed opportunities for insurance policies.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I'm so sorry Ripper. I also tried to kill myself after my ex cheated on me. Thankfully I wasn't successful but the emptiness and pain I felt was excruciating. I wish he was able to connect with someone that could have offered him just a glimmer of hope. I know the dark place he was in. It's indescribable.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Wow...To think that a useless, piece of trash could evoke someone to go beyond the thought and complete the action boggles my mind. So very sad...


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Rip sorry for the loss of your friend

I have been on the end of a text saying my niece’s husband had a gun to his head

That experience will shake you to the core

What shook me more was this

Nobody no one not a sole considered the pain he is in…..Shameful

55


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Thanks everyone. A few hours of murderous rage has passed into grief. I preferred the rage to be honest.



badmemory said:


> I'm sorry about your friend. Did he talk to you about how he was feeling?


No. He was "handling it" and would get hostile if you pushed. That part is understandable, people want privacy during a time like that. Still, like has been mentioned, permanent solution to a temporary problem. Won't ever know the real truth now. The only other person who knows the whole truth is already been proven a deceitful liar.



GusPolinski said:


> Another...? How many of your friends have committed suicide under similar circumstances?


Two. The first was in 2008. Enough for me. 



ThePheonix said:


> I really have a hard time understanding why these guys consider their wife cheating such a loss, the rest of their life is not worth living. It would take me less than a week to replace her with a newer model with less mileage.


Absolutely. This is the mindset to have. Some people just aren't wired that way though. 

It was a long term marriage. Don't know the exact number of years, 20+ probably. Kids are early adult, late teens.



Nostromo said:


> As for his widow I'd imagine if she has any bit of a conscience left she will be living with an unfathomable amount of guilt and shame for the rest of her life.


That seems unlikely at this point. She will probably spin this into making her the victim of a terrible loss or as proof that her affair was justified. I'm sure there are several posters on here that had wayward spouses wishing they were gone while in the "fog".

Just goes to show. The only people you are hurting by committing suicide are the people who really care about you. I wouldn't consider a wayward in that category.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.



Sorry Ripper for your loss. 

I agree, I hate adulterers, even moreso the unrepentant ones or the serial ones. Cheating is a disease but it's also something I think people will meet the maker for. 

Society is losing their morals. At least there are still good people like many on here doing the right thing


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Nostromo said:


> Sorry about your friend Ripper. I hope his loved ones will find a way to get through this. As for his widow I'd imagine if she has any bit of a conscience left she will be living with an unfathomable amount of guilt and shame for the rest of her life. His family and friends are not likely to be very sympathetic toward her, understandably. She's likely made herself a pariah in the community due to her selfishness. What a terrible waste.


Some family members and friends support someone and will twist the story so that "they sky is purple" for their friends. So you can't worry about that. It may be very possible she has even more support than before, even due to her transgressions.

You have to release the leech from your life and live the way you want to live.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Add me to that list of us who had a child keep us away from that bridge, gun, or cliff.

I really wanted to do it in a blaze of glory and take the POSOM with me. 

So not worth it. I'm sorry for your loss.


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## TheSecretGarden14 (Feb 7, 2014)

This makes me sad. I thought about it, too, both after finding out and while suffering from post partum depression before separation. The thoughts are uncontrollable. I have small kids, too, I had to be strong for them. The thought of not seeing them grow was enough. Then, the thought of him getting what he wanted made me angry and strengthened my resolve.

So sorry for your loss.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I really have a hard time understanding why these guys consider their wife cheating such a loss, the rest of their life is not worth living. It would take me less than a week to replace her with a newer model with less mileage.
> Don't get me wrong. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But if she strayed and I knew it, I'd be sizing up the inventory rather than eating a bullet.


Have you been cheated on?

I think your comment really devalues the genuine pain and anxiety that people share on this site.

Are you saying I'm a weak P.O.S. for not being over my wife on day 3 and replacing her by day 7? 

Is that really what you are saying......

I mean I get the point you are trying to make but dude......


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

poida said:


> Have you been cheated on?


Not that I know of. If I had I'd be gone. 
I'm not saying anybody is a weak POS for not being over it in short order or that their is not genuine pain. I believe when a women cheats on you, she's lost interest in you. Its painful to lose anything. 
Killing yourself seems to indicate the woman you lost is of such value, and your so dependent on her and your marriage that your life is worthless and meaningless when she shows you she's willing to share the goodies with someone else. 
Despite the feeling that, "she's the only one for me and I can't live without her" the truth of the matter is that if you never met her, you'd be saying and feeling the same thing about someone else. Most men and woman do not have anything all that special and are just one of the many little fish in a very big pond. There are plenty of replacements that will do it for you just as good or better. I'd rather take my chances with another chick than eating a bullet over a woman that didn't give a rats azz about me in the first place.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Not that I know of. If I had I'd be gone.
> I'm not saying anybody is a weak POS for not being over it in short order or that their is not genuine pain. I believe when a women cheats on you, she's lost interest in you. Its painful to lose anything.
> Killing yourself seems to indicate the woman you lost is of such value, and your so dependent on her and your marriage that your life is worthless and meaningless when she shows you she's willing to share the goodies with someone else.
> Despite the feeling that, "she's the only one for me and I can't live without her" the truth of the matter is that if you never met her, you'd be saying and feeling the same thing about someone else. Most men and woman do not have anything all that special and are just one of the many little fish in a very big pond. There are plenty of replacements that will do it for you just as good or better. I'd rather take my chances with another chick than eating a bullet over a woman that didn't give a rats azz about me in the first place.


Yeah, I didn't think so.... nuff said.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Not that I know of. If I had I'd be gone.
> I'm not saying anybody is a weak POS for not being over it in short order or that their is not genuine pain. I believe when a women cheats on you, she's lost interest in you. Its painful to lose anything.
> Killing yourself seems to indicate the woman you lost is of such value, and your so dependent on her and your marriage that your life is worthless and meaningless when she shows you she's willing to share the goodies with someone else.
> Despite the feeling that, "she's the only one for me and I can't live without her" the truth of the matter is that if you never met her, you'd be saying and feeling the same thing about someone else. Most men and woman do not have anything all that special and are just one of the many little fish in a very big pond. There are plenty of replacements that will do it for you just as good or better. I'd rather take my chances with another chick than eating a bullet over a woman that didn't give a rats azz about me in the first place.


Yeah, you don't get it. 

Emotionally, these aren't a few waves in the shallow end of the swimming pool. This is being dropped out of a helicopter into the Northern Pacific during a freaking sea tempest. 

Dude had 20 years of life together with his wife. Thought he knew her inside and out. PTSD is a mighty sh!tty thing and if you don't have the right support or try to man it on your own w/out meds and stuff, you may just off yourself to simply end the pain. Not because you can't live without her, but you can't deal with the effing mind movies, betrayal, loss of trust in the world, loss of family structure, etc.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

2xloser said:


> Add me to that list of us who had a child keep us away from that bridge, gun, or cliff.
> 
> I really wanted to do it in a blaze of glory and take the POSOM with me.
> 
> So not worth it. I'm sorry for your loss.


Me too.

Men have very little support for emotional trauma. We are supposed to "handle it" suck it up and move on. Your friend ended the pain. 

I do so totally understand that the pain was unbearable. Perhaps his children will forgive him for this. I hope for their sake they can understand at some point.

TAM is invaluable in supporting BS of either sex who are alone, isolated or unwilling to expose their vulnerability to loved ones. 
Help lines are open and free in most countries. 
Please: To those close to this feeling: 


Call your countries Lifeline.
See your Doctor
Go to the Hospital.
If all you can do is read today. Then read the threads of those that have recovered, either their marriage or have moved on and are happy. 



May The Force be with you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Lifeline

So sorry for your loss. I wanted and still at times, wish I had the guts to not be here. I understand the pain, loneliness, self-doubt, struggle upon awakening, self-loathing and fear. They can be extremely overwhelming. It takes a support network. It takes just letting it pass. It takes just waiting one more second, minute, hour or day. It takes counseling, meds, and talk. It can be prevented. It is no fun.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I think one of the worst aspects is how cheaters will try and get away with everything. They try to make it he said / she said when in reality it is just them trying to cover their tracks and protect their image. They have more access to their family than you do, and it's a sensitive issue for all. People have a hard time accepting the person they know and love and admire would do such a thing simply because they were weak and or selfish. Family members don't want to really accept that they've been manipulated, too.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I'm so sorry you've lost a good friend.

I have a somewhat suicidal-ish personality if that is even a thing (I started having suicidal ideation when I was only 5 or 6 and it never really stopped for more than 4-5 years at a time). I've tried to commit suicide in the past only once (many years ago). But for years I've "known" that I would do so if my husband died. I cannot imagine him cheating on me and yet I suppose if he did it would be almost impossible to keep my mind from going there. I don't think it's something that a totally healthy mind does but for someone like me who has sort of shoved those thoughts away for decades, with it lurking as a comforting "just in case solution"... I can absolutely see how/why someone would do so. (of course in my case there are no kids and will be no kids.)

Compassion and empathy...


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


I am so sorry for your loss....I think as a BH and what happened in my case..I came to the grips with this was my WWs problem...she let her boss woo her and do sexually anything he could think of with her..and when i exposed the affair to his BW and filed a lawsuit against her company ...SHE lost everything...as well as he..

But my point is it WAS HER ...she had the issue not me...i was FU$%INK devastated when i saw the pics of them.. BUT.SHE was the wh&^E not me...she threw her life away and had to leave town ..not me..my family sypathizes with me..her own son will not speak to HER... When i realized after a time it was NOTHING i did and she was a shallow broken person ...the WEIGHT left me..

Again i am sorry for your loss.. Badkarma 2014


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I know I’m going to get flak for this, but the only emotion I feel when someone commits suicide, is envy.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

dormant said:


> I know I’m going to get flak for this, but the only emotion I feel when someone commits suicide, is envy.


That is sad. I really hope you get counseling. I personally have been extremely depressed because of being cheated on but I am a mom and could never do that to my kids. So I understand but hope you find something that gives you a little bit of happiness. Ive been hugging my kids a lot.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

If I ever saw the deceased WS again, I would have a hard time not telling her;

"When your oldest turns 18, I'm going to explain to him/her the reason that their Father ended his own life. Have a nice life while you're thinking about when it finally happens, you human trash.".


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

How sad, some suicides are in part revenge, making the person who hurt you live with the guilt of the suicide especially if there are children involved. I have had two suicides in my family and both were after the loss of a spouse. My cousin after his wife left him (he left behind two children) and my Aunt after her husband died at a young age of a heart attack (no children).


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I went to school with a super good looking chick. Married her high school sweet heart and decided after ten or eleven year to diddle around with one of her clients. The old man found out about it, took a shot gun and blowed his head off on his front porch when she left him for the client. A friend of one of his two kids found him. The chick collected a $100k from his life insurance. (the policy was in effect a number of years) She was sporting around with the client for months after that smiling like a jackass eating briers. All her husband and the sho gun did was free her form any encumbrance of him and put money in her pocket.
Several years later, the chick remarried and after her britches got hot for some strange, cheated on this guy. After some general hell raising about her hoeing around, he ditched her azz. A couple of years later he replaced her with a friend of mine's sister and after 15 or so years appear to be living happily ever after.
Which one of the two really handled it correctly. Make a statement by killing myself my azz. I'd rather be fly fish the Snake river with a new babe waiting back in the cabin.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I went to school with a super good looking chick. Married her high school sweet heart and decided after ten or eleven year to diddle around with one of her clients. The old man found out about it, took a shot gun and blowed his head off on his front porch when she left him for the client. A friend of one of his two kids found him. The chick collected a $100k from his life insurance. (the policy was in effect a number of years) She was sporting around with the client for months after that smiling like a jackass eating briers. All her husband and the sho gun did was free her form any encumbrance of him and put money in her pocket.
> Several years later, the chick remarried and after her britches got hot for some strange, cheated on this guy. After some general hell raising about her hoeing around, he ditched her azz. A couple of years later he replaced her with a friend of mine's sister and after 15 or so years appear to be living happily ever after.
> Which one of the two really handled it correctly. Make a statement by killing myself my azz. I'd rather be fly fish the Snake river with a new babe waiting back in the cabin.


If you've never experienced it, you can't say with any certainty how you would react until you're faced with the situation directly (and if one can say for certain they'd drop the WS and be with someone new within days then I would suggest they need to re-evaluate your marriage and it;'s merits, as it sounds like the connection isn't as deep as it should be if one can just move on that easily). 

Ask any psychiatrist/ psychologist and this suicidal type of response is "normal" given such circumstances. Is it the "correct" response, definitely not, but it is entirely acceptable. 

The comparison between the two isn't as fair as it appears, so asking that question about handling is not either. More than likely the second person had some ideal of the character and behavior of the cheating spouse (from the previous actions), and the original spouse had a longer marriage, history with the person, and family (children) with the WS. It is so much easier to move on when it can be made all about you and not have to worry about the children and how your life is declining and losing everything that you have built a life around.

I know I always had an ideal of how I would react in areas of infidelity and my absolutes I would accept. All of that changed when I was faced with it directly in my marriage. 

Like Brad Paisley's song FaceBook Friends line states: "If it were anybody else, she'd be setting in judgement!"

Sorry for your loss.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Sorry to hear that. Reach out to the kids and support them however you can.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I really have a hard time understanding why these guys consider their wife cheating such a loss, the rest of their life is not worth living. It would take me less than a week to replace her with a newer model with less mileage.
> Don't get me wrong. My wife is the best thing that's ever happened to me. But if she strayed and I knew it, I'd be sizing up the inventory rather than eating a bullet.


I always believed i'd react this way. I was wrong. 

I won't lie and say I never thought about taking the fast way out, i did. 

To know that you mean so little to someone you gave so much for is a difficult thing to process. To find out that the level of betrayal is so malicious and extensive it almost becomes a burden. 

Its hard to shake the mind movies and thoughts, and there's little relief from it. 

You start to think your reactions are pathetic. And after all, if you weren't worthless she wouldn't have cheated. No way other guys act like this, so you're a sissie for being all broken up. 
So you start to think you're not worth anything, and wonder if you should even try. And the whole time you're trying to think "whoa slow down. It's not so bad?" then it occurs to you, even though you're the victim you'll be paying child support. Your money will pay for WW and OMs party time. While you're living in an apartment, she'll be screwing him in your bed. You'll never get to see your kids, and soon enough they'll have a new "step dad". Heck, that's if the kids are even yours.

One negative thought leads to another, and it goes in a downward spiral until you start to wonder if checking out is a good alternative. 

Many of those thoughts are the same ones that occurred to me as i struggled with it. It was a relentless assault. gunmming up the works and causing you to not think rationally. 

Talking to other people helped, sharing with them and having a sympathetic ear eased the burden a bit. Going "out" helped. That for me usually involved a bar. Talking to other women helped, even if i wasn't trying to hit on them or anything. Even the brief attention from other women was a reminder WW wasn't the only fish in the sea. 

Working out helped too. And going shopping just to buy myself things, even if they weren't things i needed. This whole marriage I gave gave gave. To my wife and kids. I felt being selfish wouldn't hurt.

This forum helped too. 

Anyways, this post has gone from a reply to a short essay. If anyone browsing this thread has any thoughts of suicide, talk to someone. Get help.

After going through all that, and the long hard looks i took at myself, it caused me to reevaluate who i am. To anyone who knows me, they'd say i'm almost a different person. It had a profound effect on me.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Lost another*



Squeakr said:


> If you've never experienced it, you can't say with any certainty how you would react until you're faced with the situation directly (and if one can say for certain they'd drop the WS and be with someone new within days then I would suggest they need to re-evaluate your marriage and it;'s merits, as it sounds like the connection isn't as deep as it should be if one can just move on that easily).
> 
> Ask any psychiatrist/ psychologist and this suicidal type of response is "normal" given such circumstances. Is it the "correct" response, definitely not, but it is entirely acceptable.
> 
> ...


You seem to believe that someone in that position is thinking logically. When I tried to commit suicide do you think I was thinking of my ex W? No! I was thinking about myself and the hell I was living. I never once thought "this will show her." Do you think I was focused on my future? The only future I could comprehend at that time was more pain. In fact, I really wasn't thinking at all. My mind was both numb and burning at the same time. You probably can't understand any of what I've said and I truly pray you never will.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

bfree said:


> You seem to believe that someone in that position is thinking logically. When I tried to commit suicide do you think I was thinking of my ex W? No! I was thinking about myself and the hell I was living. I never once thought "this will show her." Do you think I was focused on my future? The only future I could comprehend at that time was more pain. In fact, I really wasn't thinking at all. My mind was both numb and burning at the same time. You probably can't understand any of what I've said and I truly pray you never will.


I think you are misunderstanding my post. I have been there so yes I know exactly where you were (and I will never go there again hopefully as have better tools and friends at my disposal to help me deal and adjust). I was not thinking "logically" in the sense of what normal people would think (I will admit that) but was thinking solely about what was left to go on for and what my future held for me after 20 years of family and togetherness, building a life and family around our marriage, and having it all ripped out from me with little chance of anything going right in the future and having a job I was struggling with at the time. Nothing! that is what I saw in my future, but endless loneliness and forever pain, while she was living the good and fun life with her multiple OMs and friends and my family, on my dime. She was gone, took the kids and wouldn't let me see or talk to them (wouldn't even tell me where they were or is they were alright) and I had no friends at the time (or so I thought). It was that bleakness of the future that drove me to the edge as at that time the only "logical" and calculated way out of this never ending pain was that move.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Lost another*



Squeakr said:


> I think you are misunderstanding my post. I have been there so yes I know exactly where you were (and I will never go there again hopefully as have better tools and friends at my disposal to help me deal and adjust). I was not thinking "logically" in the sense of what normal people would think (I will admit that) but was thinking solely about what was left to go on for and what my future held for me after 20 years of family and togetherness, building a life and family around our marriage, and having it all ripped out from me with little chance of anything going right in the future and having a job I was struggling with at the time. Nothing! that is what I saw in my future, but endless loneliness and forever pain, while she was living the good and fun life with her multiple OMs and friends and my family, on my dime. She was gone, took the kids and wouldn't let me see or talk to them (wouldn't even tell me where they were or is they were alright) and I had no friends at the time (or so I thought). It was that bleakness of the future that drove me to the edge as at that time the only "logical" and calculated way out of this never ending pain was that move.


Actually I was replying to Phoenix's post but quoted yours by mistake. Mea culpa.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

poida said:


> Have you been cheated on?
> 
> I think your comment really devalues the genuine pain and anxiety that people share on this site.
> 
> ...


So this guy I know. Was dating this lady for a while. Finally she moved in. He speaks on her highly.

One day she was getting all his bank card information without his knowledge.

She had this information photocopied onto sheets of paper.

The info made it into her car. So one day while she's leaving in the morning, he comes up to the car without a warning. The passenger door swings open, and the papers whicih had been stashed in the side of the door fall out. He picks them up and starts to hand them back, but he noticed a familiar number. 

She had all his bank and ID information.

So this was a break up on the spot.

He sat there for about 3 days feeling isolated, then went out, to some of his old fishing holes. He met up with a lady who he knew and started hanging with her. Their mutual friends were very angry with him.

By week 2 she groped his genitals and he pulled away. He still hung with her, before week 3 she tried again to make a move and in week 3 he let it happen.

Riding high, when he could've been dipping into a pit of loss of emotion. He says keeping things moving was the single most important thing he did and even if he doesn't end up with this female, it was better than isolating himself and "working on himself", he feels no pain from his loss. He's not fooling anyone making them think he's going to marry them, just enjoying his time.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I didn't actually want to kill myself, but I do remember that I wished I had died before my wife's affair happened.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

treyvion said:


> So this guy I know. Was dating this lady for a while. Finally she moved in. He speaks on her highly.
> 
> One day she was getting all his bank card information without his knowledge.
> 
> ...


I fail to see the significance or fair comparison here. Dating a gold digger is not the same as marrying, building a family, and devoting your life to someone for years on end, that you each took vows to support and dedicate your life to, only to have it stolen from you due to infidelity. Not even in the same ball park, league, or even sport. Yes it hurts to think that someone you were so "devoted" to turned out to be not whom you thought they were, but infidelity is an animal of it's own.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

bfree said:


> You seem to believe that someone in that position is thinking logically. When I tried to commit suicide do you think I was thinking of my ex W? No! I was thinking about myself and the hell I was living. I never once thought "this will show her." Do you think I was focused on my future? The only future I could comprehend at that time was more pain. In fact, I really wasn't thinking at all. My mind was both numb and burning at the same time. You probably can't understand any of what I've said and I truly pray you never will.


It's odd. The pain becomes physical as well as emotional. It is searing pain. It never stops. The hopelessness is palpable. There is no future. There is only the moment. That moment may be painful or unbearable. Those were the options for me. There was no emotion beyond hopelessness. There was nothing. It was desperation all the way. Only waiting out the worst parts helped me through. It was all about convincing myself that, if I waited just 40 minutes, I'd feel better enough to think of something other than hopelessness. I didn't then feel hope. I felt only pain, suffering...it was better than the utterly empty hopelessness. 

It's really tough to describe. I think you did pretty well. I could not see any solutions. I looked and looked for one. I saw none. My choices were pain and suffering, or death. Somehow, I didn't choose death. I don't get those feelings like I did anymore. I get depressed and even hopeless. It's not as bad as it was. I guess I am at the point that I don't know if I care what happens to me. I just get up, go to work, come home, look at TAM, go to bed and pray I sleep at least four hours, get up tired and very very sad and lonely, and then it starts again. It's like a nightmare I have gotten familiar with and am not as afraid as I was when I first dreamed it.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Post removed. Put on wrong thread. Apologies to those who were annoyed


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Somehow, that was extremely insulting. I'm not sure why. I think I felt it was patronizing. I certainly know that you didn't mean it that way.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Ripper said:


> Just had *another* friend kill himself over his wife's infidelity.
> 
> Absolute hatred. That's what I feel right now. I hate adulterers, we should go back to stoning them.
> 
> If you are lurking here and having these type of thoughts, talk to your friends. Your co-workers. Your dog. Have a giant bag of weed. Anything to stop yourself from sliding down into an abyss so dark that the end of a gun looks like an exit.


ugh
this is devastating.... I am so sorry


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