# Effected by my caretaker. Tired of thinking its me



## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

My husband told me he can't take me any where because when we get home he usually gets a talk from me that is generally the same thing every time ( you don't respect our relationship, why was this person acting like this to you or me, I felt embarrassed, ignored, or even I had to go out out of my way to introduce myself, and talk to others, or look the other way, just smile). 

When I really think I don't have any fun with him anymore its becoming a task and I have to put a lot of thought into how I want to Handel my thoughts and actions like walking on pins and needles. Sometimes towards the end of the night I end up embarrassing myself or feeling like my self image is damaged or us as a couple do go well) 

I was diagnosed bi-polar years ago when we met and am being treated, its not too bad I mostly have a seasonal like manic phase with little depression in between. When I am depressed I have low self esteem and when I am manic I am super productive and he usually isn't supportive almost like he holds me back or doesn't nurture or help me just makes it harder. 

I think he has a problem himself with drinking beer and being possessive, spending all his money at work lunch and getting us in debt with money from work travel and a buying a house we cannot fit the lifestyle for our kids that we want in the picture. He complains if I sign them up for anything and usually doesn't let me go anywhere or do anything inless it is free or around the neighborhood and even then he still "asks" about it questions me a lot. He built our house nearly custom instead of listening to me say we should rent a little more so i can finish my masters. 

I think he has issues and even though I ask him for us to see a counselor he says we don't need one and that we can't. I email him information for the ones available at a low co pay through his work and he just acts like he can't or won't. I know I should just make us a appointment one day, but honestly I. Already to the point where I want to seperate the kids and I from him and try to be independent.

I know I have a condition, but I feel confident and well enough we might do better without him. He makes me so unhappy, insecure, and feeling trapped. Anytime I talk to him about how I feel he is dismissive and will try to use humor or denial to manipulate me into thinking its all in my head. I am the point where even if it is all in my head there is someone else better out there for him and it is not me, I don't even care. My kids even tell me that we should move away from him. 

I am bi polar and probably a co-dependent, maybe I am manic right now thinking we can leave him and start over. I don't know, I have never been suicidal, but I ran away from home a couple of times feeling angry, and I thinking of doing it again, but going to a shelter or through a community resource, possibly filing for divorce. I already have my kids and my emergency bags packed.

I read a lot of comments on here of spouses complaining about their loved one and how they are the caretaker and frustrated. Imagine being the person with the condition and their caretaker treats them like a slave. My own kids tell me he treats me like Cinderella. If anyone who has experienced this with their spouse who is effected either way, caretaker, or person effected, I need to know your story because I feel so fed up and it's almost unclear.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Wounded people married wounded people.

It's not all you.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

bell, were you diagnosed before or after marrying him and having kids?

Bipolar is often misdiagnosed, as it is really PTSD or another issue. What you described is abuse. If your blood levels are showing bipolar, that's one thing, but it's difficult for symptoms to not be worse when in an abusive environment.

Agreed, it's not all you. Go to the T any way, without him. IC should be a big component of your treatment plan any way. Get help without him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bell, if he will not go to counseling with you, then you can go on your own. It will help you work through all of this.

Are you still working on your Masters? Is it a program that will allow you to have a career and thus enough income to support yourself.

Do you work outside the home right now? It sounds like you do not. Perhaps you should find a job and start to become more independent. This can give you more options.


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## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

Tikikeen yes he knew before marriage and kids. He was a strong support I thought throughout it all, but maybe I was just blinded by the Rx or his standing by me not realizing he might have not been good for me. Not sure. And I actually do need a blood test and a better diagnosis how to ask for that from my doc I don't know, but I will. Elegirl I have a part time job but he keeps on me to get a better FT job which I am trying to almost everyday. My masters dream is long gone


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

bell, ask for a sub-diagnosis too, so you know what type of BP you have. That often guides the treatment. And be sure to request counseling, and have your psychiatrist be the 'head' of the team of you, psych and T; work together to come up with a treatment plan with concrete goals and timelines. Part of that can include seeing a psych-social worker to get you into a comfortable FT position or back into the Master's program. (I'm a non-professional patient advocate in another life.)

I think doing those things and being more proactive in your recovery will really move you along in confidence and in making a decision about your marriage. If the medical stuff is out of whack, life is out of whack.


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