# Completely unresponsive



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hi.

Long story short, a year ago my ex-wife left me after cheating with another. 

Shortly after, she quit her job and moved provinces. She cancelled her phone and the only way of getting a hold of her is by e-mail.

She has expressed in her email she wants nothing from me, but we own a house together. I filed the petition for divorce and she never filed a defense against it. This puts me in a good position, should ever we go to court (although my lawyer doubts it will get that far).

The deal we spoke in person originally was; "You transfer the land title to me, and I write you a cheque that repays your downpayment and the mortgage payments you made on your behalf (roughly $13K)" 

We have no kids, and I never supported her (she always had a job).

A couple months ago I sat down with a friend and we devised an email to send to her, clarifying the initial deal. It was just a very brief explanation of how things will turn out, basically stating that I am getting the house and I need her to sign the paper.

Of course, not only has she refused to sign the paper (like she did in person), she stopped replying to me. I don't blame her, I got a little crazy near the end, but in my email I wrote with my friend it was as non-emotional as possible (very brief).

Anyways, what would you do in a case like this? Legally, the house will be mine be default, and I have no requirement to pay her the $13K....so do I do just that? My lawyer has pretty much said that if she doesn't answer she doesn't get squat. 

I haven't emailed her since. I don't see the point anymore and I am sure she just wants to be left alone (although she totally abandoned her families and is also being quite rude with her lack of response).

It's been a good year since she left. Emotionally I was a wreck until a few months ago. Doing really good, but I can't say there has not been a single day that has gone by where I did not think of her. So yeah. Good guy, bad guy, middle guy. What to do? Most guys get brutalized in a divorce...yet I seem to have come out on top. 

Thanks!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Prag,

Let's say you got divorced and became clinically depressed. And you were on the far side of this situation. 

Would you want her to exploit your impairment, or as a final act settle fairly?





QUOTE=pragmaster;12694066]Hi.

Long story short, a year ago my ex-wife left me after cheating with another. 

Shortly after, she quit her job and moved provinces. She cancelled her e-mail and the only way of getting a hold of her is by e-mail.

She has expressed in her email she wants nothing from me, but we own a house together. I filed the petition for divorce and she never filed a defense against it. This puts me in a good position, should ever we go to court (although my lawyer doubts it will get that far).

The deal we spoke in person originally was; "You transfer the land title to me, and I write you a cheque that repays your downpayment and the mortgage payments you made on your behalf (roughly $13K)" 

We have no kids, and I never supported her (she always had a job).

A couple months ago I sat down with a friend and we devised an email to send to her, clarifying the initial deal. It was just a very brief explanation of how things will turn out, basically stating that I am getting the house and I need her to sign the paper.

Of course, not only has she refused to sign the paper (like she did in person), she stopped replying to me. I don't blame her, I got a little crazy near the end, but in my email I wrote with my friend it was as non-emotional as possible (very brief).

Anyways, what would you do in a case like this? Legally, the house will be mine be default, and I have no requirement to pay her the $13K....so do I do just that? My lawyer has pretty much said that if she doesn't answer she doesn't get squat. 

I haven't emailed her since. I don't see the point anymore and I am sure she just wants to be left alone (although she totally abandoned her families and is also being quite rude with her lack of response).

It's been a good year since she left. Emotionally I was a wreck until a few months ago. Doing really good, but I can't say there has not been a single day that has gone by where I did not think of her. So yeah. Good guy, bad guy, middle guy. What to do? Most guys get brutalized in a divorce...yet I seem to have come out on top. 

Thanks![/QUOTE]


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She banged another dude and took off? Go with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Sounds like you're still sort of willing to get some of her attention and pay $13,000 for it?

NO. Just let it play out. Move on.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Hi.
> 
> Long story short, a year ago my ex-wife left me after cheating with another.
> 
> ...


Well... there you go.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> Hi.
> 
> Long story short, a year ago my ex-wife left me after cheating with another.
> 
> ...


Pragmaster needs to start taking care of Pragmaster.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

If she isn't willing to answer your communications and your attempts to settle fairly, then don't even worry about it. You did your part - she is not cooperating - drop it and live your life productively!


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Prag, you've addressed your understanding of the legal aspects, but let me ask you this:

Do you feel any moral or ethical obligation to give her the 13K? If so, and that amount is what she's put into the house, my answer depends on to what extent you're comfortable putting those feelings aside. You're the one who has to be proud when you look in the mirror, feeling that you've done the right thing.

If you don't feel any such obligation, I'm perfectly fine with that. I might not, either.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Not only do I NOT have the $13k to pay her, I am no longer morally obligated and a little frustrated with her. Personally I feel like I want to rob her of everything and not give her a penny...but I don't want to because that negative attitude will make me feel worse later. 

All I know is this. She lived with me only 3 months in the house and there were a ton of repairs I had to do (spent well over 3K). This was our first house (alone and separate), so there were also a ton of responsibilities I had to learn and take. When she left I had to find extra income to cover her half of the mortgage payment and the other expenses she used to pay. I had trouble finding renters, and when I did, a couple of them were really bad and had to get kicked out. So it's been a nightmare. Plus, I had to pay all of the legal fees (over 3K again), take time off of MY JOB to fill the paperwork out and frankly I feel like she should pay me $13K. 

I have to talk to my lawyer, but honestly my goal is just get this done as soon as possible. I don't really care if I get ripped off (but it won't happen as my mother is quite pushy). I just want this done and over with.

Yeah, I suffer from nice guy syndrome. Being an ******* makes me feel worse so I am trying to find a middle ground, or more 60-75% *******/****.


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

If your lawyer says that you can walk away. Walk away. Seems clear to me. You are most likely still feeling a connection. Let it go. You get to start over again cleanly. Many of us do not get that opportunity.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Yeah. Talked to him today. Looks like that will be the case, but I still have fork up another $2000 for more legal fees..

Urgh..


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

How can you need to fork out more cash for legal fees in a divorce that is absolutely uncontested?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

honcho said:


> How can you need to fork out more cash for legal fees in a divorce that is absolutely uncontested?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because one day I might want to get married again. Someone has got to get the ball rolling. These things don't just resolve on their own unfortunately...or do they? (I'm in Canada).


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Unless I read it wrong you've spent 3k already and now more money? It seems like a great deal of funds for a divorce where she wants nothing and isn't fighting anything. This should be a pretty easy and cheap divorce I would think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

What is cheap these days lol? 

Yeah, it's alot, but I am fighting for the house. Despite the fact she has said she doesn't want it, and doesn't want anything from me, (and the fact that I will probably never see her again), she refuses to sign the piece of paper for the land transfer. I have no choice it seems.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

You aren't fighting dude, she don't care! Your paying for an army to which there is no war!

You can file a court order to reclassify marital property as personal property, and if she doesn't respond it defaults to you.

And I'd check your credit, just saying.


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