# Anxious/Depressed Husband



## CrazyBeautiful1 (Oct 21, 2013)

I recently posted on the separation/divorce board regarding my situation, but felt like I may find some helpful advice/info on here as well.

My husband has suffered from anxiety for several years, some days worse than others. Over the past year, he has become somewhat depressed as well because of the anxiety. He tends to attribute any "abnormal" physical feeling to the beginning of a panic attack, when then typically throws him into one.

Lately, he has decided that he cannot stand being married, or living in our home, and blames me for the majority of his issues. As some time has passed, we have had a few conversations in which he tends to just confuse me even more. 

Basically, he doesn't know what he's thinking or feeling anymore, and feels that running away and detaching from our family may solve his problem. When I ask him why he thinks that will help, he has no answer. To me, it seems as if he is reaching for answers, and maybe not realizing just what he is giving up in hopes of feeling better.

He is trying to get into IC, and hopefully we can return to MC as well soon. But for now, I'm left up in the air. Each time we talk about it, there are other reasons for his anxiety, and now he is claiming that it was wrong of him to blame me for all of it. Even though he says it isn't my fault, he's still convinced he needs to leave in order to feel better. I just feel like that's a very huge decision, especially for someone to make after admitting they have no idea what's going on in their brain.

I understand he is scared, as am I. I have backed off, and let him come to me and open up about this (he tends to keep it all in). I have spent countless hours researching and learning what I can about it, and have tried to remain neutral, rather than get offended when he lashes out at me.

I'm just worried he's going to disappear one of these days, giving in to the dark thoughts that he needs to abandon his family in order to feel better.

Not sure what advice I'm looking for, but maybe someone has been through something similar? I feel like every day is a roller coaster, and just want to know if I'm heading for R or D at this point.. Something he cannot answer.


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## me2 (Apr 24, 2013)

I am trying to learn about my husband, too. He has so many issues it's like I'll never see the end of the tunnel. I know I'll never have the relationship I want with him, but he won't let go (he's financially trapped me, and uses the kids a leverage to keep me).

I am searching for a new therapist who has no connections with H's military life, as they all have his interests in mind... and I'm demanding he take steps to make a stronger commitment to his own progress, not up his work load/course load until he is better.

I also feel like I'm the only one who is actively trying to make this marriage work, I know how frustrating it can get. 
Unfortunately I have no answers, just a hug. You aren't alone.


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