# Okay so I did it ...



## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Okay finally I had enough nerve to ask him to please delete the sent emails .
He did said he didn't know they were there.

Seemed a little upset I ask him to do this .

I wish I could stop feeling suspicious ,every time he takes the pc with him .

I wish I knew 100% he deleted his account at that social site where he met OW.


Things seem to be working out other wise .

I made mention of some examples of other guys who got caught up in an EA he seemed embaresed I don't know ..

I feel 100% better now that those sents are gone now though .


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Just read your other brief thread... what have you done to verify?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

If you mean how do I know he deleted the sent I watched him do so


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Snowflake said:


> If you mean how do I know he deleted the sent I watched him do so


No, I mean what have you done to verify that there isn't another email address or some other means of communication? How are you making certain that contact is now, and will remain over?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> No, I mean what have you done to verify that there isn't another email address or some other means of communication? How are you making certain that contact is now, and will remain over?


Well I really haven't done anything to make sure .
I know he can't like text or call (no cell phone and she is in a different country ) 
As far as a second email maybe but I doubt it .

The only thing I wonder is about that other social network site ,but for me to check I would have to be the sneaky one .I would have to make up a fake email and name so I could log in and snoop around .

He appears to be remorseful and he lets me see his screen anytime I come over to him .
Doesn't appear to be hiding it like before .

I don't know what else I should/could do ?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

your post about 'hurt by EA' said you found some emails. It didnt say what the context was or what the e-mails said.... too vague.... how deep was/is this?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> your post about 'hurt by EA' said you found some emails. It didnt say what the context was or what the e-mails said.... too vague.... how deep was/is this?


Some were hi how ya doing stuff like that .Then I saw some that said oh our chat last night was so emotional and intense,I hope I didn't scare you off .Then more said I am so worried maybe you realized you did something wrong maybe we should take a break .Then I saw another that said well this one really still makes me cry and I don't know if I can say what it said but it mentioned love and missing you and I get all excited when I see you online or get your email .

That is when we had a huge fight I stated its either her or me can't have both .
Then he said he deleted that social network account and sent a final email saying its over .
She sent one last email saying she still loved him but he deleted it without replying .

The thing is weird for me even posting here makes me feel like I am being a cheat ..I know weird right ?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Snowflake said:


> The thing is weird for me even posting here makes me feel like I am being a cheat ..I know weird right ?


what your describing is a fairly deep EA. So there are many things to address.... But....

I guessing by your posts and reluctance that you would _almost_ rather not find out too much... You want to know, but at the same time you don't? Your almost afraid of what you will find or find out if you keep digging, or scared of losing him? Ring any bells?

It's common, and there is nothing wrong with being scared of the "whole truth" and almost not wanting to know... Nobody really _wants_ to look in the closet and see if the boogey man is in there... Who didn't just pull the covers over thier head and hope it would all that it just go away?. 

It's more comforting to think it's "over", "not like that" or "wasn't _that_ serious".... some form of denial is human nature, its a defense. As a person your almost _supposed_ to feel that way..Its how we protect ourselves from emotional pain we may not feel equipt to deal with... 

Is what i'm saying hitting home?


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> what your describing is a fairly deep EA. So there are many things to address.... But....
> 
> I guessing by your posts and reluctance that you would _almost_ rather not find out too much... You want to know, but at the same time you don't? Your almost afraid of what you will find or find out if you keep digging, or scared of losing him? Ring any bells?
> 
> ...


yes you have it right 
so I hope its normal and okay ?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Well what your dealing with is always an iceburg. What you see is always just a piece of the bigger picture... Even if things continue to go on the track of what _appears_ to be a reconcilition... Those things you don't know, those questions will begin to haunt you and they will eat you alive from the inside out... Your mind will try on it's own to connect dots and will see the gaps, and you will not being able to dismiss this... same way your brain is protecting you now with the denial... It will try to ptotect you from future hurt later by decaying your trust, make you suspicious and in general distancing you emotionally from your H...

So to start out with, you have to face this. Aggresively. If you don't do it now... you will do it later. Like it or not, but by that time there will be no chance of repairing the realtionship...

You have to verify exactly what happened, and could very well still be happening... your (his) story line has massive holes. Unless your intentionally leaving out of alot of details... it doesn't wash. There is much more to this. If you know the rest or a lot more, please share so we can help... if you don't.... You have to find out.


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## Snowflake (Feb 19, 2012)

well if I am to say everything I feel I should move to the private forum ...I think I have enough posts to do so ..


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