# Crossroads II: The Way



## Chuck71

Previous threads:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/61735-normal-fell-way.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/64013-crossroads-sink-swim.html

Greetings to all in the Life after Divorce section. My heart goes out to the ones who wanted things to work out and they fell short. One never knows what the future holds....five years later. For my story....it can mostly be summed up in two threads. For those who do not like backstories...here is a re-cap:

Met 1997....married 1999....bomb drop few days into November '12. She wanted us to live together and remain married but 'do our own thing.' I refused and countered with the D if she had no desire to work things out. She left house for few weeks...then returned and for a few weeks we got along but no communicating the issues. I left and realized what I had put up with quickly. D was filed 11/30....final 2/1. Not the entire story but rehashing old things is petty.

I can't begin to express my appreciation for the solid advice TAM users gave me. My story is somewhat boring due to the fact we never had children. The ones who often gave me advice in GtD were ones who already rode the roller coaster. I read their stories...pretty familiar. Near the end I noticed I was giving more advice than taking; I feel which is a positive sign about working on you and stop worrying what the spouse is doing. 

I told many there is a life after D. And I am here to tell it. It will be good, bad and fugly. But it gives examples of pitfalls and milestones you will hit as you transition into being divorced. Being a month into my D I will admit....I have been extremely lucky to this point. While waiting for the D to be final, I began speaking to a female. Long story short...we hit it off. We are both D survivors and understand things have to be taken a bit slower.

One thing I never will understand, yet must accept, is when you start having any type of emotions for someone new...you seem to have a re-birth (to a degree) of emotions tied to the one from your recent past. This happened when I met my second "love" and finally broke past the pain of losing my first love. Same thing when I met my future W, I shed the remaining emotions from my second love. History seems to repeat itself. But after fifteen plus years, for some reason, I can't see myself getting past things as easily as before. But I could be wrong.

Outside of a couple years total, my first three loves have covered 1988-2012. When I started dating after I knew the D had to happen....it was nerve-racking. I thought I was nervous in high school....lol...that was an understatement. The new gal is same age as me, 41, has one child who is grown and on her own. I like her but I am nowhere near ready to be serious and she respects this. The great thing about being in your 40's...it's a more take it or leave it deal. Less smoke and mirrors. Not as many facades...it is what it is. Through my lulls in my 'loves' I usually dated women in their mid-late thirties and early forties. They seemed to have their things together. Being in my early and mid-twenties...that was very appealing.

My ex has joined several dating sites; which now I have no fuss on. But when she did while we were fresh from the ink drying from filing for D....it bothered me. I was sent random matches from one and it freaked me out. Of course I looked...at this time I did not feel much angst. When I read her profile and saw her pics...I swear I felt a mountain of pity. The deer in the headlights look....the pics trying to 'advertise her assets'....yes we are D but truth told....she had a lot to offer. But that is her eagle, not mine. It re-affirmed the fact...the girl you loved for so many years...is lost...or maybe gone forever. Life goes on.

On the flip side, I would like to mention things which occur often or, at least, are happening to me. Leading up to the D, ex was quite nice. After the D she has been super nice. What gives?.....more important...does it matter? We had dogs and the backstory reflects on their impact. She treats them as children and we have to exchange them once or twice a week. Currently...I meet her to exchange. If things progress with new girl....down the road... she can deal with her. But not anytime in near future. I hope to avoid this all together with a kennel beside the house. Drop and pick up...no face to face needed.

Does it bother me to see her? Honestly, I do not think so. Do you think about what you had at one time? I have to admit....I do. Every one has their own pace, in dealing with moving on. I had no intention of meeting a great gal nor ignoring the ex. Would I thought about her (ex) more if I were not semi-spoken for? I honestly do not think so but...who knows. I was cleaning out things from the house, she did not try to get the house, and found a letter from before we were married. It did not hurt....I smiled a lot. At one time....we had everything. I smiled a million dollar smile. I'm not going to lie....I will always love her in a certain way but....things change.

I wanted us to work but life seemed to get in the way. I do not wish to trade what she did or what I did. It is over. History was written. Accept and move on or live in pity. This opening remark to the thread is probably as mundane as watching oranges grow. Accept my apologies in advance. But if there is one person out there, male or female, who can get something from this....it was worth it. There was two people who helped me so much a few months ago. I could never repay their kindness with money. You can not buy the beach line of Cali. I took from the previous but I desire to give to the subsequent.


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## Conrad

A Dog Exchange.

I have to admit, I left mine with the ex.


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## Shooboomafoo

Thanks for this Chuck. As a fellow 41er, I am looking forward to being close to someone again. So far, its been bone dry, but I am not exactly out there looking. I dont know where to look. Where did you meet your gal?


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## Chuck71

Shoo-I met her when I was lost and walked into a Dr.'s office for directions. There was instant attraction. She gave me the office # in case I continued to get lost. If not for her directions, I would have been completely lost. I called the next day just to thank her. She opened up a question line and it was noticed. We traded numbers and we hit it off. It's weird how things just happen out of the blue. I tried the dating sites and they just seem to have more drawbacks than advantages.

Shoo....I read your post at a dark hour in my life. How are things going with you?


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## Chuck71

Conrad-When you get the house...........you get the dogs LOL

I am in the country so animals were around me most of life

She can't take all five at once

I don't wish to pound them....I do not hate them

But a reaction I soon wish to see is

the house is up for sale......what do you wish to do with all five

when you can only keep two at a time

BTW how's single life? -wink-


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Near the end I noticed I was giving more advice than taking


and it was greatly appreciated!


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## GutPunch

I think I'm lost. Is this the separated and going thru divorce section?


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## Chuck71

LOL That is on aisle 12 GP

right between the tampons and hard liquor

notice it is strategically placed

just with cereal at child's eye level


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## Shooboomafoo

Man, Im doing alright.. So far its been mostly working and getting used to the home life as a single man. I still drop off and pick up the kiddo from her mom's house the weeks I have her, but I have nothing at all to do with the ex. I dont talk badly about her or anything openly,, just went ahead and let that rope fall to the floor.

I have a lot of good things going on in life now, surely missing what I never had, and looking forward to meeting an amazing woman, but I am assuming I probably wont find her at Walmart whilst grocery shopping... 

The anger and resentment I had towards the ex for how things were pursued is gone. I wouldnt say there are "fond" memories by any means, but it in no way occupies me as it used to.
That was for eighteen years, and its taking a while to figure out what I am and who I am since having defined myself for so long going on what that was... 

Im better. Much better man.


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## Chuck71

Start buying books @ Barnes n Noble

Join "geek" clubs who seem to meet in obscure places

Ask females in stores what is best to buy for child

Get lost more often

You are Columbus....sailing new world


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## TNman

Chuck, good luck to you in your journey forward through life. Good and better things that match your reality and beliefs are coming to you. Thanks for reaching out your hand to help me during my hours of despair. I am in a much better state emotionally than I was 3 months ago. All the best.


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## ReGroup

Just found this thread Chucky... Let me read and catch up.


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## Lookingforward

"Accept and move on or live in pity"

So true, I'm not in that place yet and have to see my ex and her POSM ex-friend of mine, acting as the perfect family with my children. 

I'm 11 mths into it from ILYBINLY and it was a 10 year relationship so I'll give myself a little more time yet. 

BUT I have seen the negative effects of holding resentment and bitterness in friends who have gone through the same as me and even now years on remain the same. Unfortunately the only person it hurts is yourself.

Accept and move on or live in pity

I didn't read the boards for a while, thinking it held me back from recovery but the last week or so has helped me tremendously.

Thanks


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## Chuck71

LF-I somewhat got off easy with not having children. But losing the person you thought you would spend forever with...hurts. And from what you said...your former best friend. I had a BF in high school, until he asked my g/f out behind my back. We hung out later but....it never was the same. At least you are not bonded to live with the lies, deceit, and sneaking around. That's something they remember as they lie their heads on their pillow. A good thing is......wanna bet trust will be a big issue for them? Bet the farm.

I guess in hindsight, me pulling away way before it ended, helped me to a degree. The break-up was not violent nor had any true arguments. May be my ex wanted me to chase her....was not going to do that. Now just over a month past D, the only way she can reach me is through email. I will not give out my # to her. If she needs me bad enough, she can call my mother....lol but she is rather scared of her. 

But keep in mind, everyone has their own pace in getting through things. Do not rush it......work on yourself. Do things you once loved to do but stopped when you were married. Go to a strip club....doesn't mean you have to throw $ at anyone. Well unless you have the $1 hooked to fishing pole like Al Bundy!

Anytime there was a problem, go to Chuck. Well....now she no longer has this option. She will be 48 this summer and has anxiety attacks, high blood pressure, smokes, onset of diabetes, attachment issues to her nasty dogs, father issues from her childhood, and never getting over the fact her mother passed away (all this is covered in Crossroads-Sink or Swim). I would have been by her side through all this. But now it is a mountain she will face alone. 

LF-Hold your head up. When it's all over, you will be the victor. Do I say so? No but my good friend Mrs. Karma does.


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## Houstondad

Crossroads-Sink or Swim?
Could you explain more?
I'm 9 months out of my divorce and I'm struggling with forgiveness. On a cognitive level, I want to forgive. But emotionally, it's just the opposite and the emotions are stronger than my rational thought. I know how detremental this is to me. It only harms me, not my EX. Any bit of advice to help speed up this process is always welcome.


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## Chuck71

My previous two links are at the top of the thread. I try to start any new post with the previous ones at the beginning. We are emotional creatures, do not feel bad at all. You loved and lost but it is better than to have never loved at all. I thought this was a joke statement but, in all honesty...it is true. If I never love again, I climbed the highest mountain. The view......it proves....somewhere out there....there is a higher power.


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## Chuck71

Just to update the thread.....

The house is coming along slowly. It will end up needing new carpet. Granted the carpet is twenty years old but it looked really nice several years ago. Her three bemouth dogs from the outside are gone. Her demonic three are running around...in the yard. The house is beginning to look like a house again. Hopefully it will be ready for spring.

She forwarded mail to new address but (?) never went to pick them up. The stack of bills looked like fan mail for Bruno. With weekly rent and a chapter 13 taken every paycheck, the end is near. It's just a matter of time. But....what is it I see......she is attempting to coddle her 23 y/o child by allowing drink n drugs. Why? His father was a Gulf War vet and suffered from heart ailments. He also drank like a fish for decades and needed a new liver. He has a $100k policy and the beneficiary is his son. His health is not good at all.

The car I signed for with him several years ago, when he was a responsible human, has now met another mishap. Well at least this time he was actually the one driving it. From the description given, it will be totaled out and if this be the case, I can sign that nightmare of a car over to him. Overcorrecting a turn on a desolate road at 2AM......I wonder why it was not reported "at the time of accident".

Five dating sites and counting. must be having a bit of trouble finding someone. She can put on an act obviously but may be her smoke and mirrors are too visible. New gal is doing really great. The only thing I can be irritated about is clinginess. Yet in all fairness....anything may seem clingy after feeling alone for so long. She does not mind dealing with my very erratic habits so......I must give her due credit


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## GutPunch

Haha anything is clingy.

New woman "How about a hug?"

Chuck "Another hug! I gave you one last month!" Geesh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

I always did promise to show a pic of myself.....tad old but....eh...it's me. Remember pop's pic....lol.....he couldn't deny me :rofl:


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## zillard

Awesome, Chuck! You look ready for another chill weekend at the lake.


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## Chuck71

Lake is down (thanks TVA!). To update things...the wreck as described by my (step) son via ex supposedly totaled the car out and with both our signatures will be paid off. Therefore the final financial tie will be severed. I really worry about him. Ex and her mom sheltered him too much. He is 23 going on 17. I am concerned about his well-being but do not feel I should ask the ex how he is doing. He knows my FB page...he can email me anytime. He is not far from the age I was when I met his mom. I hope he realizes this and maybe compare / contrasts us.

Informed ex the dogs must go...house is getting new carpet and flooring for bathrooms. House will be put on the market (well....lol not really). Of the five she can choose to keep two. The rest she can give away to friends and maybe arrange visits with them. Two are ten-plus years old....the '01 pound puppy is now old and has a bad hip. I'll end up keeping him and making him a place in the kennel....no one would want a dog that old. My BiL's dog can stay...I like the growling menace. He is due for release next year anyway. Could I continue to accept dog transfers? I could but this leaves a remaining tie between the ex and I. She can choose two and think the other three are going elsewhere. Of the five, if she chose a certain two...I would keep the other three. But visitation will cease. To me.....you chose which two so go ye thy forth. As will I.

I still catch myself thinking about her. I also wonder why it is not bothering me as much as I thought it would. I'm guessing our anniversary will capture my thoughts in a couple months...who knows. Another reason I want to cut off contact is to hamper her excuses of attempting to reconnect. She wants to reconnect.....come right out and say it. That will not happen because I am not being receptive. I also do not need her wanting to come back as an ego boost. One thing which baffles me is she has yet to ask me to return her mother's remembrance video. It's been a couple months since I picked it up. Had anyone else borrowed it just a year ago, it had better be back the next day or she would be tracking them down.

Being aware of where she is, I feel she knows. She does not understand why and what to do next. Her father broke her heart and she will not admit it (35 years deep), she admits she misses her mother but not to the extent, three of her four brothers would sell her off for a bag of weed and her son....well....a mom knows when their child is in peril. She thinks she can love the bad habits away. Never successful.

In some ways I would love to swoop in and rescue. Then I remember how dad would tell me not to do certain things, knowing I would anyway. When I dug myself a hole, he would advise me but in no way would pull me out. I am so glad he did those things. I wanted to be that way with step son. Maybe one day I can. He always went to his mom when he was hurt or broken hearted. He came to me when he knew he was in deep sh!t. I could never match a mother's love and would be an idiot to try.

As for the new gal.....things are going pretty good. Met her family and all....the good thing about being the age I am, I do not have to explain my rationale to her parents. She and I are semi-serious but understand there is no real rush. Hard thing to resist is her southern charm..... and her liking of classic B/W television. A huge turn-on. We communicate a lot....sounds trivial but look at what kills most marriages or is the catalyst for the downfall.

As the pic implies....I would be chasing drinks away with Jimmy Buffet if I had my wish. The lake at night is nothing like the beach at night but it is only five miles away compared to 400.


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> As for the new gal.....things are going pretty good. Met her family and all....the good thing about being the age I am, I do not have to explain my rationale to her parents. She and I are semi-serious but understand there is no real rush. Hard thing to resist is her southern charm..... and her liking of classic B/W television. A huge turn-on. *We communicate a lot.*...sounds trivial but look at what kills most marriages or is the catalyst for the downfall.


Not trivial at all, IMO. Communication is so important. It's the glue. It has really drawn me to Tiger - and her me... I think. Hours of back and forth, but about the real stuff. The deep stuff. This is how you get to really know and connect with someone.


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## Conrad

zillard said:


> Not trivial at all, IMO. Communication is so important. It's the glue. It has really drawn me to Tiger - and her me... I think. Hours of back and forth, but about the real stuff. The deep stuff. This is how you get to really know and connect with someone.


I'm bracing myself for X to catch full wind of this.


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## zillard

Conrad said:


> I'm bracing myself for X to catch full wind of this.


Ha. That should prove to be an interesting day.


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## Chuck71

A very interesting one! The new gal may be staying overnight at my old digs. But due to fact I am scared of the dark....


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## zillard

Chuck, her spaghetti might blow your Xs out of the water.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Her lasagnia already did! I turned down her spaghetti and fact she was to be at her place, alone, all weekend. My guess is she is broke and knows she can not make it. Maybe she thinks we can "try and find a spark again." Had she said that three months ago...maybe. But I am really into this new gal. We have been dating for almost three months.

Ex has emailed more lately. Not exactly the full court press but I am sure that will change. When she sees another gal's car in the driveway and her working in the yard......her reaction will be interesting.


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## Chuck71

Lifted from Sports Illustrated:

The Sign Apocalypse is Upon Us

Ex of two months now (yes now) decides to LOL block me from FB

I also reiterate, she is 47. Guess my turning down her weekend invite

bissed her off BUT lasagnia always trumps spaghetti

No harm, no foul. Car step son wrecked will be pd off, signed to him

The choice of picking two dogs went unheeded

therefore I will choose the three who will stay

grabs soap, lather, rinse.... check mate


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## GutPunch

How's it going Chuck?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Been away from TAM a bit. One thing I will say with clarity......moving is a witch from he!!. I avoided it in years past (worked while women folk did it). My hat is off to them (even the ex)...it is a PITA. Back in old house. Slept here for the first time since the holidays. I felt I was in a motel, until I saw all the boxes. The new smell reinforces my thoughts of to what degree my ex was a slob and in a state of non-reality.

Emails wanting to swap doggies go unheeded. Guess she did not realize the check mate. The check for son's car is on way. Financial ties severed. Emotional ties severed. If Mel Allen were still alive I would love to hear the wrap-up. The ex has resorted to sending a pic of the older dog with an abscess. She has no funds to take her to vet. Reach? She knows I love that dog. But no pity from me. I would take the dog in a heartbeat but the ex would never get her back. I think she knows that.

At Chuck's Farm there is a new hand here. The urology gal and I have progressed quite well. She comes from a very close family and understands what it takes to make it work. She even understands the romantic love and thereafter. Two divorcees who know where they went wrong. She is a short gal....said I looked like a basketball player (I'm 6 ft). I told her to take another drink of Jack D.

I am at the age where I want a child. I'm not desiring marriage at all. I even told her, jokingly, we went from playing house to shaking up. I was promised a child previously and it was not to be. I know this is not right but I would want the child first, then M. Yeah, her family is a bit religious. But I will not back away from my desires, and in what order. This is me, take it or leave it. Pop died nearly twenty years ago and mom 'isn't getting any younger'. I would like for her to see and play with her grandchild.

I really like this new gal. She has this Southern Charm to her. Still.......I feel I cheated the system of D by meeting someone great so quickly. I look back at the last 3-4 years of the last M and how things are now....and wonder, why did you stay? Once married....always married. Fight it out. I was the only fighter when it came down to it. Well today, I think my ex would try but that time has passed. No kids makes it so much easier. 

Guns n Roses song Estranged really says a lot to me. I think I posted it on GP's thread a couple months ago. But I feel a new sense of desire. To step in the ring with life and see what life can hit me with. I thank God I am ADHD, OCD and a night owl. My brain is centralized on new things. It also connected with old things. I still have the second and third book to clean up. I want to write again, I want to meet challenges head on. I mowed the yard yesterday. Two acres, push mower.....most was chop mow since it was high. I was aching in back and feet afterwards. Usually I am a beaten old man for a day or two. Not this time. For the first time in I guess 7-8 years I was ready for Round 2 the next day.

I play the electric guitar on the pool deck at 1AM to Def Leppard. Am I young again or.....falling in love?


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## ReGroup

Chucky!

You came out of this unscathed. 

Damn, I miss your thread on the other sub forum - eventually we'll meet each other here. New gal and all? You did cheat the protocol. No wallowing for you and that's awesome.

Keep writing about your adventures - I'll be following your lead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch

Chuck71 said:


> Been away from TAM a bit. One thing I will say with clarity......moving is a witch from he!!. I avoided it in years past (worked while women folk did it). My hat is off to them (even the ex)...it is a PITA. Back in old house. Slept here for the first time since the holidays. I felt I was in a motel, until I saw all the boxes. The new smell reinforces my thoughts of to what degree my ex was a slob and in a state of non-reality.
> 
> Emails wanting to swap doggies go unheeded. Guess she did not realize the check mate. The check for son's car is on way. Financial ties severed. Emotional ties severed. If Mel Allen were still alive I would love to hear the wrap-up. The ex has resorted to sending a pic of the older dog with an abscess. She has no funds to take her to vet. Reach? She knows I love that dog. But no pity from me. I would take the dog in a heartbeat but the ex would never get her back. I think she knows that.
> 
> At Chuck's Farm there is a new hand here. The urology gal and I have progressed quite well. She comes from a very close family and understands what it takes to make it work. She even understands the romantic love and thereafter. Two divorcees who know where they went wrong. She is a short gal....said I looked like a basketball player (I'm 6 ft). I told her to take another drink of Jack D.
> 
> I am at the age where I want a child. I'm not desiring marriage at all. I even told her, jokingly, we went from playing house to shaking up. I was promised a child previously and it was not to be. I know this is not right but I would want the child first, then M. Yeah, her family is a bit religious. But I will not back away from my desires, and in what order. This is me, take it or leave it. Pop died nearly twenty years ago and mom 'isn't getting any younger'. I would like for her to see and play with her grandchild.
> 
> I really like this new gal. She has this Southern Charm to her. Still.......I feel I cheated the system of D by meeting someone great so quickly. I look back at the last 3-4 years of the last M and how things are now....and wonder, why did you stay? Once married....always married. Fight it out. I was the only fighter when it came down to it. Well today, I think my ex would try but that time has passed. No kids makes it so much easier.
> 
> Guns n Roses song Estranged really says a lot to me. I think I posted it on GP's thread a couple months ago. But I feel a new sense of desire. To step in the ring with life and see what life can hit me with. I thank God I am ADHD, OCD and a night owl. My brain is centralized on new things. It also connected with old things. I still have the second and third book to clean up. I want to write again, I want to meet challenges head on. I mowed the yard yesterday. Two acres, push mower.....most was chop mow since it was high. I was aching in back and feet afterwards. Usually I am a beaten old man for a day or two. Not this time. For the first time in I guess 7-8 years I was ready for Round 2 the next day.
> 
> I play the electric guitar on the pool deck at 1AM to Def Leppard. Am I young again or.....falling in love?


Get that child Chuck. It will open up emotions you never knew you had. I cannot explain the joy of being a Father.


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## zillard

GutPunch said:


> Get that child Chuck. It will open up emotions you never knew you had. I cannot explain the joy of being a Father.


I absolutely agree. Was raised in a huge family. Have much love for my nieces, nephews and younger siblings who I helped raise. 

But nothing compares to holding your own creation. When D was born I asked my father - this feeling, this overwhelming warmth and amazement - did you have that too?

"With each and every one of you."


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## Chuck71

My greatest fear is waking up suddenly and calling new gal by another name. It sounds odd and all but if you are in the moment maybe it makes sense. I guess it will take a bit of time before I get used to seeing a redhead in bed rather than a brunette. But then again, I had separate bedrooms with the brunette and her mutts for awhile. I am so glad to be back in the country. You can pee off your back porch if you want to. 

I did not understand, I did not accept
I did not understand but did accept
I understand and accept

Life is a process and time waits for no one, well unless it is the IRS. New gal's dad restores old cars. Loves to fish and talk about baseball from the 60's and 70's. I have an old Corvette, '62 327/250 convert, fishing is like mowing....a time for thought and reflection. I played dumb when he asked me if I knew sports and......from the 60's and 70's. I smoked her dad on trivia. But I have to thank my dad for intro'ing me to Koufax, Drysdale, Clemente and such. I bought a 1955 Topps Ed Mathews, 1956 ****** Ford, 1957 Pee Wee Reese, 1954 Duke Snider and a 1954 Warren Spahn and showed them to him on his deathbed. By that time, I was a fan of each. Pre-net days so one had to read books to learn about them. "You should put them up....they will be worth something someday." The hard head never knew I'd never sell them.

If dad was not the best at reverse psychology, maybe Carl Jung had him beat. I'm not far from the age he was then when he and mom bought this place. I purchased it at 50% higher than what they gave but 200% under market value. Sometimes I feel like Rocky but pop is Mickey screaming in my ear long after he was gone. "Set your sights high enough where you enjoy the journey more than the destination." I thought he was an idiot back then. Danm was I wrong!

Yes I lived here as a youth, then bought it in '05. I left this past holiday and now return. But I return with a future with a kinship to when I graduated undergrad. I have more questions than answers but sometimes this is good. Notice the questions never change, just the answers. He died less than six weeks before I graduated. To my last breath I will swear I saw him in the stands with his "weekend houseboat attire" and the cap on saying 'I'm so proud of you'. Then I would have said I did it for me so f-you (see Rocky 4) but in truth, I did seek his approval.

Why I am thinking about this is semi-understandable. I took on the role of looking after mom. I'm sure she thought two things, I'm your mother STFU and thank you for thinking about me. But leaders lead, followers be danmed. I strangely feel 25 again.... lol it can't last! Let's be real. My parents looked after me when I was a child, as you grow older, it is only fair to look after them. 

I think these thoughts while, in my situation. Odd but I am being brutally honest. Never saw things as this but was my judgement clouded? The Vette was purchased for $1200 when I was three months old. It was mine at 18 but it wasn't. I drive it at 4 AM only. I'd have to take 4 Xanex to drive it during the day. It's still more his than mine. 

So many arguments I would ask with the ex, do you understand and agree or just understand? Either one suited me. Maybe my ex just "died." Which reminds me, not long before we were married, I asked her 'about a friend', he wanted to give her his mother's wedding set as a passdown. I stated her thoughts because she thought he was cheap. STBW said she should be honoured to have the chance at that. She would be a fool not to accept it.

Yeah, I had the intent. And back then, I knew and this solidified it. Funny those were the ones "stolen." Odd how things work out.


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## Chuck71

Just when you think you are out of the woods.......

"Ex-Wife: You never told me you filed your taxes. You said you would let me k ow when you drop them off and I can to. We needed to file together. I will have to go to xxx too he will either have to adjust yours or something. I just had mine filled out and since I worked all last year an d claimed u and me I will owe xxx. I don't have that to pay so we will have to go and you may have to amend yours. Something will have to be done. I can't pay that"

Egh.....not happening :lol: :rofl:

Went by and had taxes done month ago. Re-sent her the email stating it. Although I see her actions as a lost child, part of me really wants to nail her to the wall. But Chuck...outside of personal satisfaction, what would this give you? Not a thing. And to be honest, after a 50k feet observation.... I am doing the exact thing I intended for her to do in December. To own her own emotions.

Group's journey really has helped me understand, if you have patience.... things will fall into place. For a brief second, I do feel pity for her. I have no reason to lie. But the choices we make in life have consequences. After ignoring the email for several days, I receive this

"Tell me what day will be good for you to meet at court house again. We will work to your schedule. Thanks." 

The signatures needed for the auto insurance to pay off the car due to wreck were not signed in proper place a couple weeks ago. I was sent a re-do copy and emailed her.

-I guess her getting the additional funds after car is paid off is to further enhance her fantasy or keep her from being homeless-BUT technically those funds are to be split between her son and I. I seek nothing but to get the title out of my name and wash my hands of it. She will BS her son out of it and have no intent to pay him back or may be he can have a moment of clarity and take the money and run. Oh....BTW her brother who she skimmed the $ from....he sent me a letter explaining he understood what happed and has no ill will against me. He will deal with his sister when he gets out next year. Eh.... chaos owning 101

-I guess attempting to file married but separate in hopes of getting a return all to herself and discovering she has to pay in was not to her liking-

Whenever her master plan falls by the wayside..... I get to hear her vent. I ignore until I receive the desired response. Only at that time will she receive a response.

I will post this in my old thread as well, if someone still on the roller coaster is facing this maneuver from their spouse or ex-spouse. My travel through Divorceland was quite mundane with very little fireworks. Sometimes that may be a good thing.

Oh....the ex has not been informed of the new phillie at Chuck's Farm.... I see no reason to say a word about it. As we guys know....she always finds out. May be a cute firework display will be seen at the end. 

Side note: Someday if I choose to sell this place, the D stipulates I received it. But I am aware I need to have a local title company draw up a new deed without her name on it. I'm curious if she refuses to sign it (shocker) would I have to force her into court for her sign-off?


----------



## Awakening2012

Chuck71 said:


> Side note: Someday if I choose to sell this place, the D stipulates I received it. But I am aware I need to have a local title company draw up a new deed without her name on it. I'm curious if she refuses to sign it (shocker) would I have to force her into court for her sign-off?


Hi Chuck - 

Glad to hear things seem to be going well for you, post-D. I will soon be moving over to this aisle myself, so it is good to see experiences of how people do recover and get to a better place. 

If your D stipulates that you received the property, such that it is no longer hers, and she agreed to this, why would she refuse to sign a quit claim deed so her name can be taken off the title? Is there animosity with her? It might be worth having the title company draw up the document and drop it in the mail with a stamped and pre-addressed return envelope. Just put a casual businesslike sticky note on there asking her to sign and return it so you can take care of updating the title? My STBXH agreed to sign the quit claim deed once I paid him off the agreed sum to buy out his equity. In our case, the document did have to be notarized, and extra step that might be a slight inconvenience for her, but since she agreed you will take posession of the property, I don't see why she would resist unless out of spite. If she does refuse, you can then consult legal counsel on how to procede with getting her off the title, since she did legally cede the property to you as part of the divorce setllement.

Best Wishes,- A12


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## Chuck71

A'12
I can see animosity on her part. The amount of items she left behind would lead you to think, she intended upon returning sometime. Left were priceless pictures of her son, her, her mother and grandparents etc. They have sat in a corner of the garage collecting dust, pollen and rain. They were in plain sight the last few times she came out to switch out the dogs. The last time she was here she offered me a home cooked meal and she would 'be at her apartment all weekend'. That is when I cut out the dog swaps (pre planned).

My view is now that she sees I have moved on and have no intent to have anything to do with her, yes I feel she will try anything in her power to cause me issues with the quick claim. It will be futile but just the point of trying to stir chit. Mom who limits her reading to People magazine but has recently turned into Socrates predicting what will happen (mom what about winning lottery numbers???) sees her fully realizing the new gal is chewing grass at Chuck's Farm and will flip a gasket. 

Dad always told me years ago 'wiggle easy until your head is out of the lion's mouth.' With D final and papers indicating I retain the house, the point is mute. It's just paperwork and another money for the 'suits'. I have changed my stance on the after-cash on my step son's totaled car. I think we will both receive around $500. At first I thought, let him have it. But this is my possible leverage to get the quick claim accomplished. Also there were numerous months he did not make his car payment and we had to. The car can be sold for $300-400 for parts and junk. Yeah.....I have already thought what I could spent that $500 one. First being...reimburse my wallet for quick claim.

Hopefully things will run smooth but that is usually not the case. I'm not wanting to garnish ill will, I want things to be over. Dragging an albatross into your next relationship is okay at first. But it gets old quick.

Best wishes A12


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## Awakening2012

Hi Chuck - 

OK, makes sense. You are going to need that quit claim at some point, even for just a re-finance, so I hope you can find a way to obtain her sign off on that, eventually. But I love your Dad's quote about "wiggle easy until your head is out of the lion's mouth" - LOL! No point in stirring things up, since the divorce is done just give it time for the dust to settle. As for her belonginings thar remain at your place, could you tell her you no longer have space available to store her stuff anymore, and give her a deadline by which to remove her goods after which you will have to get rid of it? But I guess that could be kicking the hornet's nest, too, and maybe best to wait it out until emotions have eased.

I appreciate your example of how to move on in a positive way, and let go of the past. I am struggling to let go of my lost marriage and reclaim myself and my happiness, so any resources or recommendations of what helped you move on will be most appreciated. I guess it is easier when you have negative feelings for your Ex and knew that you no longer loved or felt attached to them? 

All Best Regards,- A12


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## maincourse99

I like reading positive threads like this. Gives me hope. My D was final on what would have been my 19th anniversary (4/16). Really has knocked me down a bit. I've been a zombie the last few days, numb. The battle continues, time, time and more time. It'll be ok.


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## Awakening2012

My D is imminent, too, and it has been the longest most brutal road of my life. Hang in there Maincourse! The worst is over, and you can start rebuilding in earnest -- the best is yet to come!

Cheers,A12


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## Chuck71

A12
Yeah dad thought I never listened to him. I'm sure he knows I did by now. I'm sitting on the fact of reporting the guns stolen because the car wreck check is on its way. A thought did enter my mind. He was injured in the wreck (I think he was drinking) but they would not pay for his ER visit. We dropped him from our insurance back in 2010 when he was kicked out.

With his name not on the policy, the check may come to me and only in my name. My rationale for this is he had this wild notion he could 'get fired' and draw unemployment while sitting on his a$$. For almost two years that is what he did. Yes we had to pay his car payment....yes my now ex paid it a lot of times but guess who had to follow behind her and pay her bills. So yes I feel no guilt if the entire check comes in my name.

As for the QC....I will email her when it is ready. I will set forth three dates. If none are met, I will drag her arse into court.

MainCourse-I was able to make it through relatively easy with no children. It takes awhile to get used to things after fifteen years. I wanted to work things out and left one non-negotiable. I guess it was a few weeks before the D was final I went by the house and ripped it from the folder. To me that day it was over. I'm sure it would have been a stroll down memory lane to take her up on the home cooked meal and being at the apartment alone all weekend. But why did that invite take place? Did she catch wind I was seeing someone? Did she realize I was a great catch?

Most likely she caught wind of the relationship. It was around this time she blocked me on FB. One funny note.....I opened the account after DDay. She never knew about it. We had no mutual friends. Guess she was doing a bit of snooping.


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## maincourse99

_MainCourse-I was able to make it through relatively easy with no children. It takes awhile to get used to things after fifteen years. I wanted to work things out and left one non-negotiable. I guess it was a few weeks before the D was final I went by the house and ripped it from the folder. To me that day it was over. I'm sure it would have been a stroll down memory lane to take her up on the home cooked meal and being at the apartment alone all weekend. But why did that invite take place? Did she catch wind I was seeing someone? Did she realize I was a great catch?

Most likely she caught wind of the relationship. It was around this time she blocked me on FB. One funny note.....I opened the account after DDay. She never knew about it. We had no mutual friends. Guess she was doing a bit of snooping._

Yeah Chuck, I think you're right. Some of them have second thoughts, regrets and make overtures. 

The show Madmen was always one of our favorites. She texted me a couple of weeks ago asking if I was going to watch it. She must have been feeling nostalgic.

I had one document for her to sign so we could finalize, she went dark for 4 days, finally I texted her, what's the deal?. "I'm having a hard time detaching... feel ambivalent about all this" she says. 

IMO, it's cruel and selfish. Always thinking of themselves. They throw us out like garbage, get the situation they want (mine is living with POSOM), it isn't the paradise they envision, so..... let's fish around and see what's going on with ex.


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## Awakening2012

maincourse99 said:


> _Yeah Chuck, I think you're right. Some of them have second thoughts, regrets and make overtures.
> 
> The show Madmen was always one of our favorites. She texted me a couple of weeks ago asking if I was going to watch it. She must have been feeling nostalgic.
> 
> I had one document for her to sign so we could finalize, she went dark for 4 days, finally I texted her, what's the deal?. "I'm having a hard time detaching... feel ambivalent about all this" she says.
> 
> IMO, it's cruel and selfish. Always thinking of themselves. They throw us out like garbage, get the situation they want (mine is living with POSOM), it isn't the paradise they envision, so..... let's fish around and see what's going on with ex._


_

:iagree: The fishing when they were they one who bailed is totally selfish!_


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## Chuck71

Maincourse
Her hard time detaching is her problem and obviously the POSOMs. I agree on your comment about throwing someone out like garbage but to one person you are garbage but to another you are an antique. Not to mention the fact the 'garbage thrower away'r' almost always returns to retrieve their 'trash' at one time or the other. 

Just when you think the runner awayr' got of easy, reality has a way of distributing a gut punch. As Conrad says, 90% of what comes out of their mouth is garbage.

A12..... awesome signature pic! Looks like an old house up the road a bit.


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## maincourse99

Thanks A12 & Chuck. You're both very kind. Only fellow cheatees can understand this stuff.

On another note, I've been corresponding with a gal I met on a dating site. She friended me on FB, and I saw photos of her 2 cats. I thought about my daughters' cat and would her cats get along with her. And do I need to have 3 cats?

I'm thinking of breaking it off over that. Hmm, maybe I'm not quite ready to date....


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## Chuck71

Try simply dating her. You are over analyzing the situation. As for me I never found out if my ex was cheating or not. It did not matter, her giving up and walking out of the M was enough for me. There was a three week period around Thanksgiving where she would not come home during the week but would on the weekends. Well if they walk like a duck and quack like a duck.......

The 'final snot sling' was an evening and a morning right before mid-December. Next day she came home after work. She did that every night until, I decided to leave. I did leave the non-negotiable out there and yes, all my questions would have been brought up in MC. So she may have never cheated but the fact she pretty much abandoned me.....is what turned me cold towards her. Do I get a smile when she emails me complaining about how her life continues to spiral? Yes I do but she is owning her own emotions. :lol:

Just like ReGroup's wife, wanting the spark and fireworks......that could happen again. But in my case, the damage has been inflicted. I made it through the fire and chose to move on with my life. My second love was greater than the first, the third greater than second. Maybe this one will be greater than the third.


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## Chuck71

Additional funds from wrecked vehicle is said to arrive Monday. After perusing the by-laws for insurance company, there is a good bet the remaining funds will be sent in my name and my ex's; not her son's and me. Well........ lol ........ I see a storm on the horizon! 

Is it not ironic I received an email where she implied she and her son will use the check to search for him a car (said I could come too :rofl: ) AND she will borrow some from him (where the he!! have I heard that before?) to pay for the fine she received from the zoo of dogs running amuck. Let's explore my options......

A: I am lucky and check comes in my name. I would cash it and smile the whole time.

B: Come in my and step son's name or mine and ex's. For starters.... the first check sent will be "lost." Buying time to see if I can get one resent in only my name. If it can not be transferred to just my name, my response will be, "The check is for xxxx, I will take 50%, you will take 50%." 

As I crack a few beers and work on the house, I will check email in several hours and most assured will receive a tirade laced reply. Mine will be, "The 50% / 50% is not a choice. If you want it all, you get nothing. And I am not okay with profanity, especially when it is not spelled correctly."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." secretly I am doing legkicks! 

:BoomSmilie_anim:


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## Chuck71

University of Reality
MWF 9:00 - 9:50
How to be an Ashole to Ex 401

Wreck check sent. Received Monday. Stalled enough to attempt to obtain a second in my name. Attempt unsuccessful. Ex called UPS to see where it was. Wanted to know where "her" money was. As we emailed back and forth before she called UPS I mentioned how sad it was that everything went wrong. I received a "I will always love and care about you. There are times I miss you a lot. Has the check came yet?"

This evening I told her the check did come. It is for xxx, you get xxx and I get xxx. Where do you wish to meet? I then received this wonderful message:

"U rso much a pece of shhit that money wuz mine and xxxx's. i canot believe u r doin this 2 me. i need that money to pay the dog fine and my taxes. U went out and filled married and seperate and left me 2 pay all the taxs. I pd his car pmt when he didnt not u. u r a peice of shhit n r a disgrase to evryone around u. i want my fking money"

My reply: "The 50 / 50 is not a choice. If you want it all, you get nothing. And I am not okay with profanity, especially when it is not spelled correctly." 

Another tirade follows. My reply: "I'm sorry you feel that way." A last tirade. Reply: "You done yet?"
Finally..... "oky where do u want to meet at?"

Thoughts...... knowing this would happen helped. Funny how she grabbed at the supposed reach and used it to position herself into getting the check. Yes I threw that out there but just to see how fast the attitude would change. All kissy kissy..... where's my check? Yes she did pay her son's car payments when he refused to work BUT who followed behind her to cover her bills she let go to pay for Mr. Thugs n Drugs? I'm sure she forgot all about that! I may or may not meet her tomorrow at the bank. I may decide to go to the lake. May be I will hold the check and force her to go back in front of the judge concerning her dog fine.

But yes...... I'm an ashole! Well if you call me one, I must assume you wish for me to act as one. Oh I forgot.... I found three of the four rifles, leaving one missing (the most $$ one) and a pistol. I will be accompanying mom to the police station after the check is split. The only people who knew where they were, were ex and her son. Luckily we have the serial numbers. Yes...... I am an ashole!

I guess all that is left is the IDGAF letter and it is history. Thank God I never had children with her. It's sad I will not meet her at the bank unless I have a female sitting nearby as a witness. Would I put it past ex to try and provoke me into a confrontation? You better believe it! 'To death do you part' well..... to me she has been dead. I'm free to date!

It has been a long and trying ride since this past October. But the book will now be closed. If her son goes to jail over the stolen guns, so be it. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought it would end so badly. In conclusion.... for new readers here is a list of stolen / damaged items followed by what she received since DDay.

stolen wedding rings (family passdown)
stolen rope chain from mom for undergrad graduation
stolen gun and rifle (my late father's)
stolen mercury dimes (moms given to her by her father)
stain on bedroom suite dresser (family passdown)

chain smoking
high blood pressure
beginning diabetes
obesity
IRS audit
bankruptcy
beef from only sane brother from lifting money from his retirement
four dogs in an apartment which allows only two
son left because he was tired of her taking money from him

But yes ladies and gentlemen................. I'm an ashole!


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## Conrad

Chuck,

You aszhole!

Why wouldn't you wish to reconcile with such a gentle caring soul?


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## ReGroup

They are all the same - every one of them. "Save Me"!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> There are times I miss you a lot. Has the check came yet?


Seems those times are directly tied to the low balance of her bank account. 

She made her own mess. 

So did her son. If he does time it is based on his decision to loot your gun cabinet.


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## Chuck71

Like fer sure Conrad :rofl:

Take the sack of chit with more medical issues than AMA back.. nah

New gal plays with penises all day, comes to house all hot n frisky

I'm getting used to a few shots of JD at the pool at 1 AM

thank goodness there are woods all around the back of house


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## zillard

How ya been F'face!?


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## Chuck71

Z I'm sure you said that care and compassion :rofl: :rofl:


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Z I'm sure you said that care and compassion :rofl: :rofl:


always


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## Chuck71

CS Lewis Abolition of Man, audio

C.S. Lewis The Abolition of Man | Audiobook - Full - YouTube


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## Chuck71

You know times are getting weird when even your demons try to hug you. Weird and a bit odd but let's examine this as a professional.

For about a month new gal has sent me some FB thing to confirm "we are in a relationship". I'm not a fan of FB unless you count talking smack about pro football or baseball. Anyways.....I got tired of seeing this "please update" crap and accepted it. A few days pass and I get a call. "Dude let me read you this......"

On the very same day, my ex, whom blocked me even though we were never friended nor did I ever email her, posted the same thing. Some dude about 500 miles away......I was told she mentioned 'soul mate.' Honestly I almost spewed Coke from my nose. I thanked my friend and went about my day. A day later.....I get a friend request from a friend of my ex's. Egh........this leads to one of two conclusions......
she either has something she wants me to see (already aware of the FB la la) or there is something she wishes to tell me.

What is sad, this crap happens to people who are still tied into things emotionally. It still rankled me a tad and I flew away from the Sun four months ago. But I still got a chuckle..........

I have a hunch on where this is leading........we'll see if I'm on the mark.


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## Chuck71

Group if you're reading this, it may be similar to the haymaker Conrad and Mav are speaking of. LostLove77 I hope you read this. 

Keep in mind this woman was the person I loved for over fifteen years. Now she wants to run off with a total stranger, well move to him. I moved on. She was given her own chaos tub over six months ago, I wanted no part of it. The first part of the email is somewhat generic but see the last part. She does not know I know why she is really moving. I really do not care. But this is how women who can not accept responsibility reach out in their own mind....................

Hey ...I was wondering about (her brother) stuff.. If you are moving and selling 
that house (I'm actually not) I need to store his stuff somewhere. I would need some time 
though.
I am in the process of taking my job @ xxxxxx and moving to 
Mississippi,therefore, if I need to get a storage for him I will either 
have to come back to do it or have someone to go do it for me (if she counts on her son she is up chit creek) . I will 
be leaving one day this week, I know before this Friday for sure. I am 
wrapping stuff up with work today and getting all of my information I 
need from them. (her brother) said he has less than 18 months (actually a year) there and then will 
be in Chattanooga I think for 6 months. Im not to worried about him 
since he has his money (minus the cash she lifted from him) saved for a place. I just worry about his stuff 
and his guitar. lol..he ask me if I had it I told him I totally forgot 
it. (why am I not shocked)

xxxx sent me a pic of you and your new woman.. I am happy for you both. 
Maybe she can give you a child that you always wanted.

xxxx (first time she ever signed her name to anything on emails since DDay)

my reply:

I have xxx's things taken care of

(His dog) is taken care of; unless you want to take him with you

Thank you for the kind words about new gal, she is due in October. (not true)

my true name

..........Right after I sent this.....this occurred...... I still use AOL as an email system. Ex has an app and is always logged in. 24/7...... from January until she read this letter. Then she signed off :rofl:

New gal is not pregnant but ex does not know that. Let her fat a$$ stew on this instead of getting a response from me. I have no true clue if this guy exists and if ex is even moving. It does not matter to me. But these reaches......well....hopefully this put an end to it. There is nothing left to discuss.....I admire her brother or I would not store his stuff or watch after his dog. The only person in her entire family whom I should talk to is him or her son if he ever grows up. 

What gets me is I had 'in a relationship' on my FB since February. And yes I know she looked, would bet $ on it. She posted pics of us on my page and as her main pic. May be it was going from 'in a relationship' to 'in a relationship with xxx xxx' that pi$$ed ex off. Her friend most likely friended me to spy. Funny thing is, my control settings are the lowest possible. I post on sports and throw up you tube links, nothing more. Anything important is sent in email to friends. But it is what it is........and hopefully this is now over


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## zillard

She's due in October. 

:2gunsfiring_v1:

:smthumbup:


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## ReGroup

Chucky,

You dirty dog you.

Let her stew in her own mess. She has no clue of what to do in life.

That was classic. Lol. I love it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Reasons for this will be addressed soon

Europe - Prisoners in Paradise - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

Like Sands through the Hour Glass.....so are the Days of our Lives

Several areas to ponder upon, let's get underway. Many of you have noticed I speak from experience at times concerning moving on. I offer advice about my past two loves before the three-chinned third one. My first love connected with me before the D was final via FB. I saw it as strange she wanted to add me as a friend. But her aunt is friends with my ex wife. I saw it as comical. So I added her. 1st love tried to link up a couple years ago but I spurned the chances and informed my then W. If not, I knew crap would be slung.

Even now, 1st love wants to meet. Only this time, she was more pronounced with her intentions. She wanted to be my 'bad girl.' Throw in the fact she is married to a guy who is, from many people, a decent guy and married longer than I was. Add I am seeing the urology gal still. The mix is not "good". 

I helped her compose a research paper recently and the trade off was two bottles of liquor. My favorite kind and my g/f's fav. We spoke and I ignored the overtures. I opened her eyes to why we never can be together (were each other's 1st love) but I have no problem being a friend and listening to your situation with your H. I told her all Ms can be saved. 

I guess she never met any one who did not want to nail her to the bedpost first. If you saw her, you would understand why. Long story short, I have received an unknown amount of respect from her. On the flip side, she knows more about the BS my ex spilled to her friends, being her aunt is good friends with ex. It's funny she is a conduit for me to hear what was spewed and is the mirror for any thing I wish to refute.

Although she and I have not been together since 1991, she told me in detail, how most of what was said, just did not sound like me. She was right. She sounds so sincere in her words but, I can't even consider anything further with her. I admit, the new gal makes it a much easier choice. My 1st love broke my heart, for several months. If what she says was true, she broke her own heart for 20-plus years. 

Next order.....my 2nd love......can't you just feel the love in the air!!! Anyway, we last had contact in 1996. We had two anniversaries, 5/31 and 6/3. I received a friend request from her, late 5/31. Ironic I must say. I accepted it out of curiosity. Today would have been 22 years since we "became a couple." It was our de facto day. Let's see how this plays out.

Is it coincidence any female I dated for any extended period, is now friends with me on FB? Not one time did I ask them to.. Egh.....guess I wasn't so bad after all huh? Old man told me years ago, treat them nice and they always return. Then the decision is yours. Yes, this is why I use this advice often. He was a smart guy! 

Still getting mail for ex. It is never opened by me. Mom opens it just because she is nosey, new gal does only if I ask her. I tell her, no secrets and I need a good laugh. $400 in bounce checks BUT.......BUT....... she must have found her "loverboy". Debt card purchases in her new state! Sad thing is....her son is going on 24 soon but has mind of 17 y/o. She left him behind for a stranger. That really says a lot, if her own child has lost her, you see why I never had a real chance? And she considered herself level headed LOL

In a way, I feel very sorry for him. But in a way, I'm glad he is still around. He was questioned recently by detectives about the missing guns. Proudly I watched away from the action and told the police when he told the truth and when he did not. "You're pretty good at reading people. You may want to talk to ........" So my throwing my ex, her son and his drug n thug friends under the bus may lead me to a local job! Whoodathunkit???

The sad thing is, it does bother me my ex is being used. You can't just stop loving someone. May be my 1st and 2nd love re-appeared for a reason. A part of me will always love all three but there is no chance of returning to any. The road less traveled is always the clouded future. But the odd thing is, every time I have chosen this dark path, the brightest lights appeared later. I just believed in myself.

Ok.....will stop here. I, personally, grumble at long posts. This is long enough now.

Shoot me, side note: 5/29 would have been our anniversary, 14th. It bothered me but maybe 5% of what I thought it would have back in February. While I was throwing things away a few months ago in the house she dirtied, I recall seeing a card from just last year. Happy Anniversary I love you. Was that a lie? What was a felt emotion, learned emotion or a true emotion??? 

Thankfully things could have been this way

Queensryche - Eyes Of A Stranger - YouTube

but ended as such

Never Enough - YouTube


----------



## Awakening2012

Chuck71 said:


> Like Sands through the Hour Glass.....so are the Days of our Lives


LOL, re: soap opera of out lives  Great post, Chuck. Wow, incredible how the women of your past come back to taunt (or haunt?) you! We all take comfort in how well situated you are now. And you might even get a job out of being a silver-tongued bystander in your Ex Son IL case


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## Chuck71

T.Y A12......my dream job is to secure a job in criminal profiling. This may open doors, who knows!

It took a bit of soul searching to turn the guns in. In these parts, a thing such as this was handled with street justice, although many a dirt roads we have. The two people whom I considered my life, ex and her son, for many years, I now am throwing under the bus. As hard as I would want to throw her off a cliff, I couldn't, nor could I him. Everytime we (son / me) almost got into it, I pictured a trapped and confused child. Now the punked out dude who led him to thugs n drugs.....yeah.....weunz here take unzez greefs up to dem mowtuns. Honestly, I would do so many things to that punk, I would make the "Angel of Death" appear as a pious dude.

It seems just like last year, my 2nd love and I were sitting in the car listening to the radio. I was laid across the seat, head in her lap. I'm sure we were talking goo goo stuff. Do I miss those days? Oh he!! yes.....only thing I had to worry about was gas money and a movie. In some ways it is a blessing to remember everything but in another, it is a curse. I remember the one word I misspelled in 6th grade spelling. I remember the word, how I spelled it wrong and how I beat myself up for it. The D placed a block in my writing.....but I was able to pick back up where I left off.

I recall being a complete a-hole to 2nd love one day, just to justify surprising her with a ring, promise ring I guess. I hid it in the bathroom at my work and intentionally spilled something. Asked her to get a towel.....then heard clang clang....thought she had dropped the ring down the drain EKKKK. She came back to desk with a huge smile. That day.......is a keepsake memory. Free but priceless.

I would like to expand upon my first love and her actions back in the day for the reason, she was abused in several areas. But I'm just curious if any one would be interested.


----------



## Tron

Chuck71 said:


> I would like to expand upon my first love and her actions back in the day for the reason, she was abused in several areas. But I'm just curious if any one would be interested.


By all means Chuck. It's your thread.


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, waiting on the story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

It was a good while before 1st love told me about what happened. Her dad made her drop out of school because she received 'too much learnin'. He would beat her younger brothers and touched her in very inappropriate ways. Her mom tried to do something and once, had hot coffee poured all over her. He also stated there were people in the clouds wanting to take him away.

Side note: 1st love's dad had a sister, yes her aunt; who is friends with.....my ex. Apple not fall far from thy clothesline. 1st love lived with her mom after I told her she did not have to put up with that (this was pre-knowing what all her dad did). She left and within a month, her mom left with her brothers. Fast forward almost two years.....1st love got tired of one of her brothers stealing her money and "borrowing her car without asking" and pressured me to move into a place with her. Mind you....we were both 18. 

I bought into it for a short time but common sense prevailed. I was in no way ready to live together and even then, knew it was more for me being her b/f and had income than to advance our relationship. A couple months later, it was all over. She met a guy who said, "move in with me and I will take care of you." All she wrote. 1st love made several attempts to re-enter my life in the next couple years. Guess she wasn't adequately taken care of!

Soon before Thanksgiving '91, I received a birth announcement in the mail. What it was, she was not sure if the child was mine or her hubbys. By then I was already into something with 2nd love. Then it did not make sense, later it all came together.

She had one brother who was extremely intelligent and I always hoped he made something of himself. She and I were chatting on FB and she told me once he graduated high school, he left and never looked back. She said she never understood why he did that, until a couple years ago. She also stated her understanding of why I never seemed to care much for wanting anything to do with her.

I guess if there is one of the three loves I would wonder what if about, it would be her. We matched personalities better than #2 or #3 by miles. Both my parents thought the world of her. It now is clear her childhood was so severely engulfed with totalitarianism and immoral actions, no one could have saved her, at that time. She was 18 with a tortured past. She wanted to run as far away as she could. At 40, I completely understand why she felt that way then.

It would be Hollywood for us to.....but I am grateful for her admitting to the past and where everything went wrong. Had she come from a non-abusive home and was not molested, there was a half way decent chance we would have made it. But those days were left at the lake (only one of my three loves who also enjoyed the lake) and the trees to remember. We met a quarter century ago later this year and......sometimes it is fun to wonder what might have been.


----------



## ReGroup

Honestly, I had no idea a person's upbringing had so much effect on a person as an adult. Sure, kids who were abused... but I felt that if none of that occured - we were good to go.

I did months of reading last year, now it all makes sense. 

All my fears, outlook on life, moods - all have something to do with my past.

You keep setting the bar higher and higher with your stories Chucky.


----------



## Chuck71

Group if you recall my ex grew up without much father attention. This resulted in her constant need for male onlookers. When he called her a wh0re for cutting her hair as a child, she did not speak to him for years. Told me it never bothered her, I disagreed then and still do.

My dad and I never got along well while he was alive. If it was about cars, finance or fast women....yeah we would talk for hours! But nothing much outside of that. But that was how children were raised in the 1970s and 1980s. 

Everything which occurs in your childhood is an imprint of your future. How much it affects, is up to the individual. Due to all the medication I was taking during the several years leading up to the botched surgery in 1988, I was a listless and unmotivated person. After the surgery, I "had" to be focused, centered, he!!-bent. Had I not had the debacle....I would not be what I am today. 

Defining moments come at the most unexpected times. I wondered secretly if I actually made it back 'from the dead'. In the thirty years my parents were together, there were a few episodes where they had "free for alls". I witnessed one after the surgery. Long story short, I vowed to confront him on it when I was physically able. Year later, dad was belittling me for (insert anything) and it was not meant to lead towards anything. I made a comment and he took it the wrong way and said he could knock my brains out. I looked him in the eye and said, "What's stopping you?"

He hit me. I took it and did not take a step back. "Pop I'm not mom. I can take anything you got and more. Ever hit her again and we'll go to the woods." He turned and walked away. I knew then.....I made it back.


----------



## Chuck71

Tonight has been filled with a few laughs and......a bit of somber emotions.

For the first time in I guess a month, I get an email from the ex. She forwarded something which, was not even intended for me. I did not use her account so why would she get something meant for me? Anyway she wanted to let me know she is fine with forwarding any emails. 

Ok.....this also occurred when I was cleaning out my email box containing our email exchange since the first of the year. I ran across the one back in January where I paid the light bill but took the $ out of her account when she was paid. She was living there, I was not. I also did not want to pay a reconnect fee. Danm she sent a scathing email when she realized what I did, right after she told me we could date before D was final to see if we could find a spark again. GTFOH I may post her response but I'd have to clean it up before posting. I surmise she is testing the waters. Does not matter, we are history.

1st love has not contacted me much. Guess she got the hint. 2nd love has liked several adds on FB but still nothing verbal. 

New gal and I hit a few snags. I need to reassess what I am looking for and decide whether to continue or depart our relationship.

Having issues with writing. Not writers block but.......who knows. When you force yourself to write....it shows. Therefore I just don't.


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> New gal and I hit a few snags. I need to reassess what I am looking for and decide whether to continue or depart our relationship.


We need more. Red flags? Herpes? Closet *****?



Chuck71 said:


> Having issues with writing. Not writers block but.......who knows. When you force yourself to write....it shows. Therefore I just don't.


Due to the snags?


----------



## Awakening2012

Hope you are OK, Chuck?


----------



## Chuck71

My writing is a bit an oddity. I have others published but this trilogy means a lot to me. It is, I feel, my best work ever. Well with a bit of humor, this means it will be at a Wal-Mart bin for 99 cents coming soon!

Seriously, it is an adventure about me but also, others. It all intertwines. But to get back to this period of time, I have to drift away to 2010 to 1974. A central focus lies within 1986 to 1988. I can usually drift away in thought and capture myself and others drinking a few beers and shooting the chit at 2 AM. While it may not be important now, it was critical at that junction in life. 

Also I attempt to frame the mindset of the main girl in the first book. I compare her actions with how my first and second love acted at almost the same age. To put words onto paper is not difficult but to pour everything out, just the way you want it, makes it almost impossible. If I am at the lake or at the deck in the pool at 2 AM....I try to free myself to cascade back....to a time of innocence. So...so many #2's.

The pre-set for 1987 sets forth the first book but it could not have happened without what occurred in 1986. Actually today marks 27 years since it was set in motion. Yeah I'm an idiot for dates! It will always baffle me as to the day I met my ex, was the ten year ann. of one of the greatest days of my life. It was also the day John Smoltz was traded to the Braves for journeyman pitcher Doyle Alexander to Detroit.

Setting up thought processes now, being in my 40s compared to when I was 16 is impossible. So I must return to the source. If I can't, I can never replicate it. I just want what happened to be known by others. There was a time, a place....where time did stand still....when the nights lasted forever....and the memories never fade. If it is not written, it will never be known.


----------



## Chuck71

if it helps, we danced to ..... on the beach

Poison - I Won't Forget - YouTube


----------



## Awakening2012

Chuck71 said:


> My writing is a bit an oddity. I have others published but this trilogy means a lot to me. It is, I feel, my best work ever. Well with a bit of humor, this means it will be at a Wal-Mart bin for 99 cents coming soon!
> 
> Seriously, it is an adventure about me but also, others. It all intertwines. But to get back to this period of time, I have to drift away to 2010 to 1974. A central focus lies within 1986 to 1988. I can usually drift away in thought and capture myself and others drinking a few beers and shooting the chit at 2 AM. While it may not be important now, it was critical at that junction in life.
> 
> Also I attempt to frame the mindset of the main girl in the first book. I compare her actions with how my first and second love acted at almost the same age. To put words onto paper is not difficult but to pour everything out, just the way you want it, makes it almost impossible. If I am at the lake or at the deck in the pool at 2 AM....I try to free myself to cascade back....to a time of innocence. So...so many #2's.
> 
> The pre-set for 1987 sets forth the first book but it could not have happened without what occurred in 1986. Actually today marks 27 years since it was set in motion. Yeah I'm an idiot for dates! It will always baffle me as to the day I met my ex, was the ten year ann. of one of the greatest days of my life. It was also the day John Smoltz was traded to the Braves for journeyman pitcher Doyle Alexander to Detroit.
> 
> Setting up thought processes now, being in my 40s compared to when I was 16 is impossible. So I must return to the source. If I can't, I can never replicate it. I just want what happened to be known by others. There was a time, a place....where time did stand still....when the nights lasted forever....and the memories never fade. If it is not written, it will never be known.


----------



## Chuck71

zillard said:


> We need more. Red flags? Herpes? Closet *****?
> 
> 
> :rofl: She does have a gal crush on Rene Russo. If I were a gal....guess I would too!
> 
> Herpes....brings up a question which has bothered me for years....if a guy gets herpes, shouldn't it be called "hepes"?


----------



## Chuck71

Sometimes things fall in place when.....you least expect them to

Three months removed from the offer of spaghetti and she will be at her apartment all alone...she posts on FB she is engaged! Awww....wonder how that will fly. When she pulls that mask off, danm I feel sorry for that guy. But I do propose a question....in regards to how this came about.

Roughly a month ago, her friend wanted to add me as a friend. I thought, okay let's see what this entails. This was done about the time I figured out how to accept g/f's 'in a relationship with xxx xxx'. Hence within 24 hours, ex posts her new guy. 

A few days back I unfriended my ex's friend....did not receive email from her so I assumed it was to snoop. But my privacy was as low as possible. I went ahead and raised my privacy to friends only.....a day later........I get this message from ex on FB (not email.....the way we spoke since December)...

"sorry to bother you but... I just wanted to say if TY is still around I sure hope those fireworks isnt scaring him to death...been thinking of him..."

Ty is a pound puppy from 2002. He was born around Christmas of 2001 and fireworks scare him to death. He is the one of the five former inside dogs I kept. Ty was going to stay with me....no discussion, no questions. He has gotten used to being outside......it has been a cooler and rainy summer here. There is a room behind the garage and I planned on keeping him there when everyone started shooting every thing off. One evening when we got in, he went from the garage (was closed) to her car. He appeared calm....so we rolled down both windows and he seemed content. Her car is low so when he was ready to go elsewhere, he jumped out. New gal had no problem with it.

I have my own theories about the FB message......but I would like others input on this before I give mine.

-----If she does marry him, I am off the hook for offering her $100 at D final to take back her maiden name 8>)


----------



## Chuck71

Birthdays are so much fun when you are young. You couldn't wait to be 18...you could buy smokes. It was important even if you did not smoke. At 21 you could hit the cool bars and buy beer. It was fun buying beer when I was under 21, it was a challenge. After I was 21, the fun went away.

I thought birthdays were outlawed after you turned 40. Guess not....mom asked what I wanted. May be it is just me but aren't I a bit too old for socks, underwear or shoes? Wait that is Christmas.....aren't I too old for toy trucks and birthday cakes? I asked for her to make salmon patties and homemade mashed taters. Yeah not much but I can eat 4 cans of salmon LOL

Since the FB message from X, it went unanswered. I did post pics of the one dog I kept on FB....I am sure she has seen it (gasp!). Received this from X yesterday:

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in case I forgot to before Friday. I hope you are doing fine. Someday I would like to talk to you if you would allow it."

1-No response
2-I have an email
3-You now message me through FB, what is stopping you?
4-By FB you know I am doing fine

I guess my IDGAF letter hit home with her. I was not sure if my emotional positivity was from new gal or the absence of X. In the beginning, it was more the absence of the X but being with new gal has slowly taken a foothold. It is a shame, when I stepped outside myself and saw the X for what she was.....the feelings receded swiftly. Think PINK FLOYD - POLES APART [ HQ ] - YouTube especially at 4:00


I have to admit I am a bit gun shy due to fact I have not been in a healthy relationship for a number of years. Kind of like a new reality.

New gal and I had a disagreement awhile back. She is in favor of marriage (shocker lol). I have nothing against marriage but I do have a problem with how she sees the difference. In her eyes, a signed paper by the government means everything in the world. I differ dramatically.

In my opinion, the emphasis should be place on the relationship within. By the emotion, you could consider yourself married in your heart even though the government does not recognizing it. I am spiritual but do not follow one main religious branch. I do not recall engagement rings, wedding rings or honeymoons mentioned in ancient times. Maybe I simply have a Orwellian 1984 look on things. But I can not dismiss the fact of some placing more regard on the piece of paper than on the physical / emotional / psychological / spiritual aspect of a commitment.

BTW I told X years ago, may be a year after M, the marriage certificate is simply a piece of paper. What makes the paper mean anything is the relationship of the two people on it. X didn't get it either. He!! may be it's just me.


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Birthdays are so much fun when you are young. You couldn't wait to be 18...you could buy smokes. It was important even if you did not smoke. At 21 you could hit the cool bars and buy beer. It was fun buying beer when I was under 21, it was a challenge. After I was 21, the fun went away.
> 
> I thought birthdays were outlawed after you turned 40. Guess not....mom asked what I wanted. May be it is just me but aren't I a bit too old for socks, underwear or shoes? Wait that is Christmas.....aren't I too old for toy trucks and birthday cakes? I asked for her to make salmon patties and homemade mashed taters. Yeah not much but I can eat 4 cans of salmon LOL
> 
> Since the FB message from X, it went unanswered. I did post pics of the one dog I kept on FB....I am sure she has seen it (gasp!). Received this from X yesterday:
> 
> "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in case I forgot to before Friday. I hope you are doing fine. Someday I would like to talk to you if you would allow it."
> 
> 1-No response
> 2-I have an email
> 3-You now message me through FB, what is stopping you?
> 4-By FB you know I am doing fine
> 
> I guess my IDGAF letter hit home with her. I was not sure if my emotional positivity was from new gal or the absence of X. In the beginning, it was more the absence of the X but being with new gal has slowly taken a foothold. It is a shame, when I stepped outside myself and saw the X for what she was.....the feelings receded swiftly. Think PINK FLOYD - POLES APART [ HQ ] - YouTube especially at 4:00
> 
> 
> I have to admit I am a bit gun shy due to fact I have not been in a healthy relationship for a number of years. Kind of like a new reality.
> 
> New gal and I had a disagreement awhile back. She is in favor of marriage (shocker lol). I have nothing against marriage but I do have a problem with how she sees the difference. In her eyes, a signed paper by the government means everything in the world. I differ dramatically.
> 
> In my opinion, the emphasis should be place on the relationship within. By the emotion, you could consider yourself married in your heart even though the government does not recognizing it. I am spiritual but do not follow one main religious branch. I do not recall engagement rings, wedding rings or honeymoons mentioned in ancient times. Maybe I simply have a Orwellian 1984 look on things. But I can not dismiss the fact of some placing more regard on the piece of paper than on the physical / emotional / psychological / spiritual aspect of a commitment.
> 
> BTW I told X years ago, may be a year after M, the marriage certificate is simply a piece of paper. What makes the paper mean anything is the relationship of the two people on it. X didn't get it either. He!! may be it's just me.


Chucky, I think I feel the same way you do.

I don't think I want to marry ever again. Their is no insentive to do so - At least not now.

I am sure I just jinxed myself.


----------



## Chuck71

Ahhhh..... my cousin (15 years older) sent me two pics of my first birthday. Talk about sentimental....damn! I had never seen these before. I still can't get over how much a hottie mom was. She did say I gave her the grey hairs. It showed Granny...she died back in '88. She was my first real confrontation with death.

I hate another year has passed and I grow another year older. Sometimes life seems to be played out on a Pink Floyd album. The older I get and as the birthdays pass, the more I look back and wonder...is mom proud of me? Yes I know moms are always proud. What about pop? He was someone who was not impressed easy. There have been times I think he has answered that question but............

Mom is tied up with her brother. He is near 75 and a severe alcoholic. Granted...his ex is a POS who back in the day, would work during the summer and let the kids run free and quit when school resumed. He had three kids...all were 110% f-up's. He is worth good $ with his retirement etc. Two of his kids are still around and they come around when they want something. Mom has one sister left....she will not have anything to do with my uncle...and I really can't blame her.

He is at the stage of wetting the bed, falls often, broke his arms due to drunken falls. Mom tried to wash her hands of him but she knows, he has no one left. She thinks "what would momma think if I just left him"? I support mom in whatever she does. He calls her 'mom' because he is regressing to an earlier time. No one in the family has ever been placed in a nursing home. When dad was given a month to live, mom asked me. I said he!! no....he would want to die at home. We've had our issues but when it comes down to it, I love him regardless. Mom is debating on staying with him 24/7 to care for his needs. In my heart, I know she wants to and I told her I support her what ever way she chooses.

Five year recap
2008-Things were great, awesome job, felt great about helping now ex through her mother's death. Those were definite #2s. But the ghosts of the EA lingered....doing its work.
2003-Prepped for grad school and scared to death. Me graduating from college in '96 proves...there is a God! I felt like a proud father as my step son has his first crush and we spoke on it. We went to Tybee Island... I was at the beach, maybe 3AM (sound familiar?)...and I promised myself....if I can not make it in grad school I will never return here again. I graduated with a 3.9...mom wouldn't have believed it but the school STILL sent my final grade cards to mom LOL We returned in 2005....I expected to feel all this grandiose and self-worth by graduating. I felt nothing, nada, zilch. That night I sat at the beach wondering WTF....I realized....it's not the destination....it's the journey.
1998-I was so in love. Ex and I were nearing one year. I would break speed limit laws just to be in her arms. Sometimes I wonder where those two people went....deserted island? Good...they were made for each other!
1993-Was dating 2nd love...broke up n got back together. Fell victim to "what if it was better second time around". Total BS 
1988-Finding myself after surgery. "Frank" worked with my head first, then body. I quit smoking, lived on 1000 cal diet and he run me through obstacles from 5 AM to 4 PM. I would end up back his place (same block) soaking in his travels and wisdom. I owe so much to him. He died a year later. Part of me did too. Granny died 25 hours past my birthday. I prayed and prayed for her not to die on my birthday. Knowing Granny she would walk through he!! to make that prayer come true. 

Long post.....lol Chuck must be drunk......welllll.....shhhh! On a lighter note, new gal and I met back in January. We both understood, went through divorce, take it slow and enjoy life. The more time passed the more I heard hints about "a ring". Yeah....the one who was gun shy about us dating because I was recently divorced. It came to a head today.....

"Look I'm not wild on marriage. I damn sure aren't right now. You knew this going in and agreed. If it is a piece of paper you want, grab a piece of typing paper and draw up something about us being a couple. I'm happy for you your last husband married you after eight months. Guess what....I'm not him! If you will not accept being a committed couple with an exclusive relationship.....go to the house, get your sh!t and leave."

End of rant


----------



## angstire

Chuck71 said:


> "Look I'm not wild on marriage. I damn sure aren't right now. You knew this going in and agreed. If it is a piece of paper you want, grab a piece of typing paper and draw up something about us being a couple. I'm happy for you your last husband married you after eight months. Guess what....I'm not him! If you will not accept being a committed couple with an exclusive relationship.....go to the house, get your sh!t and leave."


Hey Chuck, how did this end? Did she see reason or get her stuff?

I'm of the no more marriage crowd, BUT my 2nd is ending badly after the fast fall in love, buy a house, married 8 months later. Not advised. You know, you posted, but that fast after what you've been through is a recipe for another divorce. Stick to your guns.


----------



## Chuck71

Laughable moments seem to come out of no where. A little background...Around a week after the insurance check came, ex told me there was a package coming to my place but in step son's name. Hmmmm.....
This had to be done since she could not get a phone in her name. When it was said to arrive:

Ex-I will ride by there at my lunch to see if the phones have come. The tracking states they will be delivered today. So if you don't see them and I come by and look in mail box don't call police. Haha. See ya

Me-I will be heading into town. It has yet to come. If it does I will let me know. I am not comfortable with you going through my mail.

Ex-That is stupid. I will just come and sit and wait on mail man at end of road. He'll I don't care nothing about your mail not would I even want it. I just want the phones. Sorry they sent them there any ways 

I retrieved the phones and made her wait a few days before I set them out beside the mailbox.

Yesterday I receive this:
"AT&T Mobility appreciates and values your business. Unfortunately, your service has been suspended on all numbers associated with this account due to an unpaid balance of $617.20. If we do not receive payment for the total unpaid balance, we will have no alternative but to cancel your account."

Guess Ray Ray ain't got no bling....


----------



## angstire

I thought he was a pilot?


----------



## Chuck71

well he had a head set on

but was in a go cart

would you fly with Ray Ray?


----------



## angstire

No, but then I also don't climb thru windows into houses that aren't mine. To each his/her own.


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## Chuck71

but you'd fit through that window, she didn't :rofl:

she fell on the bed when she got in

had to throw mattress away, too lopsided


----------



## Chuck71

Upcoming this week, would have been our sixteen year anniversary. In the beginning it was a sacred day for us. As time went on...well you get the picture. Sometimes I wonder if I had just said no to dating her, how would those years have turned out? No way to tell. There was a certain type of passion when we met (or were we just horn dogs?), one I am not feeling now. Maybe that height of passion will never be reached again. Maybe it's me....maybe it's the g/f....maybe it's both.

Survivor was a blues rock band in the 1980's. Everyone is familiar with Eye of the Tiger from Rocky 3. A forgotten album is When Seconds Count, a 1986 release. I really connected with the album then...and I am now. It's funny cassettes never bothered me back then, now they irritate the he!! out of me. But the connection is still there.

I've lived half my life and if I had to give myself a grade, it would be a C. I'm not happy with it. You have to sometimes fly low to know when you are flying high. At times you tend to see what's coming but it always comes down to three aces and a pair of threes. Bad part is, the house has four twos. 

Also this week, will be twenty-six years since the week that changed everything. If you have read my posts on other blogs, it ties in with 1986 and 1987. In '86 I was dragged on vacation and was thoroughly embarrassed for being (as I was called) a fat fvck. The Earth turns one time and we return to the exact same city. This time I wanted to go. Over the year in between, I grew three inches and dropped 150 pounds. All I wanted to do was exercise the demons of the previous summer.

As we all know, things really never go as you planned. I was able to redeem myself from '86 but I then became sidetracked. For the first time, I fell in love. She was a year younger than me. Long story short, we spent four incredible days / nights together. We tried the LTR and wrote / talked into recorders (lol remember this was the 80s!). It didn't work out but we promised to try things anew after we were both out of high school.

We coordinated a halfway point a few years after that summer and were finally going to meet again. The day before we were to meet, she was killed in a car accident. Haunts me to this day. But anytime I feel down and out or the fact I have missed out on something, I think back to that summer. The summer nights...the beach, the ocean, the wind.....


----------



## Tron

Chuck71 said:


> Today is the day she and I are going out. We have spoke on the phone and brought up our grievances. Most were not worth noting but isn't that how the ball gets rolling? We will see how that goes. Maybe Amy will watch over me....
> 
> Joe Esposito - You're The Best Around (Karate Kid soundtrack) - YouTube


"she"???


----------



## angstire

Is this an issue with new girl or stuff ongoing with Ex and Ray Ray?


----------



## Chuck71

Has anyone took a business trip and it ended up being a time of reflection? There is not much to do in Alaska. Daylight was still prominent and sleep was a tough task. Couple that with an insomniac with ADHD and no books to read.....and I see why alcohol is a big problem here. Beer was $$$ way too much so I purchased a pack of notebook paper and a pack of pencils.

Before everything hit the roller coaster when I was a kid.....I loved to read and make up my own stories. Funny things happen to you when puberty hits....you sneeze, fart, scratch your butt and you are out of college and getting married. Where did it all go?

As I got my mind off of the work at hand, I stuck my a$$ in the snow and pulled out a few sketches. One centered around a middle aged guy who was troubled about where he stood in life. Yeah....that was me. I hate writing about my personal travels. I much rather prefer to observe others and write.

I made the mistake of writing about my past experiences in the first book of the trilogy. I do not regret bringing back frozen emotions but in a way, I wish I hadn't. But doesn't a poet need the pain???

I placed my situation in my step son's position and thought....what would you tell him to do? There were a few things I would have told him to do different. I don't regret breaking down in front of her on DDay....it was the last time I showed any emotion in front of her. I guess I knew the "C F D" method before I came to TAM. I don't feel like the 15 years were wasted. At least not as much as I did awhile back.

I enjoyed to continue receiving her and her son's mail here. The $1300 cell phone bill (the same cell she wanted to come get back in May) she placed in her son's name have been turned over to collections.....his constant ER visits turned over to collections....and her lovely bank account was closed due to reoccurring NSF charges. That too was turned over to collections. No new laughs so I informed the post office to return any mail in their name to the sender. Right after this happened........
xxxx...

xxxx asked me would you please please let me know or him know when 
his work debit card comes in the mail there... he could not change his 
address there due to his license still has that address...he said it 
should come in the mail one day this week.
would you please let us know?
His dads number is xxxxx or you can email me..
How have you been?

Thanks
xxxx


My reply....."Due to the fact you nor xxxxx no longer live at this address I informed the postal employee to return any mail to the original sender. I am not okay with you thinking I am a permanent PO box for you."


New gal and I cooled the jets but stayed in contact. We started dating again after I returned. She offered to feed the dogs while I was gone. She's really sweet and can deal with my oddball habits. What got me was I do not care if she treats FB like a reading lounge BUT when I check out ESPN or get into reading a book she was all up in my a$$ "whatcha doin?" We spoke on that.....she was accepting of my NFL fetish. For thirty years I have always loved Pittsburgh. I enjoy having a beer or fourteen when they are on or while I listen to their radio feed. She sat there and watched their opening game with me. Had a few beers herself....never once did my ex watch a Steeler game with me. Well not once after 1999. After their pi$$ poor opener I taped the Bengals game....if they won I would watch it later in the week. They lost so I deleted the recording. This week they are again on national TV, Sunday night vs. Chicago. I can't watch it. Tape it, watch if they win. I may not have many fun Sundays with beer and Steelers this year. No OLine, no running game....the D is doing OK but can't carry them anymore. I thought Pittsburgh would go 10-6 this year....I now think maybe.....6-10. But I really appreciate new gal watching it with me. And she has yet to ask me to "go shopping with her". 

I forced myself to re-commit to my unfinished stories. 1-The Rebirth of Smith.....a simple fall and rise of a teenager throughout one year. 2-Sliding Home.....a dying romance which...for a week...returned to the freshness it had in the beginning....and it was ended after the recapture. 3-Today I turn 40, It is Time to Die....a man turns forty and reflects upon his life and before his birthday is over...he commits suicide. 4-Today's Yesterday's Written for Tomorrow.....a man who is contemplating suicide and rewrites his history to see how it would turn out if.......only to find out even if he did....he would be right where he currently is.

The trip had me reflecting on a person I was counseling some while back. He had a great wife and a job he loved. The pay sucked but he loved it. He carried with him a burden... something he never told anyone. It led him to heavy drinking and pulling away from his wife. She was at wits end. He told me what happened. I could tell it was a weight lifted off his shoulders. He wanted to tell his mom and wife. Long story short....I told him no one else should tell his mother but him.....and his wife. He declined to tell his wife and I agreed to tell her if he wished, he did. Six years later they are still married and from all glances, very happy. He stopped drinking and having explosive behavior. He was molested as a child. When I returned from Alaska....I called my mom.


----------



## Chuck71

Hard to believe it has been a year since I started on TAM. One thing I did learn is you get more from other post than you own. My story has been written, minus the one year deals. Thankfully we had no children. Before I start my conclusions and retire from TAM, I would like to set forth a group of released songs in 1990-91 which sum up my divorce, my travels with 2nd love and my ex. It is stoic, these very same songs got me past my 1st love. 

Summer 90 
Winger - Can't Get Enuff - YouTube

Winter 90/91
Winger - Miles Away - YouTube

Spring 91
Winger - Easy Come Easy Go - YouTube


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Hard to believe it has been a year since I started on TAM. One thing I did learn is you get more from other post than you own. My story has been written, minus the one year deals. Thankfully we had no children. Before I start my conclusions and retire from TAM, I would like to set forth a group of released songs in 1990-91 which sum up my divorce, my travels with 2nd love and my ex. It is stoic, these very same songs got me past my 1st love.
> 
> Summer 90
> Winger - Can't Get Enuff - YouTube
> 
> Winter 90/91
> Winger - Miles Away - YouTube
> 
> Spring 91
> Winger - Easy Come Easy Go - YouTube


Retiring or a Sabbatical?

We can't lose you Chucky - The Newbies need you.

We have to retire your number if you're calling it quits.

I have your email.


----------



## Chuck71

Group....I will take a sabbatical and return but unless I get

hitched again and end up in GtD again....my postings will conclude

on my adventure....I will still post and start some in Social Spot

I intend to post a 2013 A$$hole and A$$holette nominations

with a bit of help from Conrad and Co. I will word it differently

and list it in LAD. All I intend to review here is reflections

of the disaster last year. Most of it occurred in '12...by '13 

I was clear headed and all which lay before me was the D final.

I will use examples from yours and the guys....on how it was used in

comparison to my own mess. One thing I was amazed with was the childish behavior 

of the WAWs of Z and Angst....nurses...it helped me reflect on my view of them

from my 2nd love and my running buddy's failed M after high school.

I'm not saying all nurses are bad, anytime one uses all or none...

prepare to be debunked

One thing I will give my word on....is I will post a pic of X from long ago

and from the dating site....it may appear crude to some but in the end

everything will be pieced together


----------



## Chuck71

Compared to Jupiter, Earth is a mere fraction. Yet as you leave the Earth it seems enormous. Travel as far out as Venus and it is not as intimidating. Things which occurred to me right now, a year ago, as I reflect...seem not as heartbreaking. But why can I imagine how I felt at that time and know otherwise.

Certain things are critical to us at different times. Missing out on a Def Leppard concert 25 years ago would have devastated me...five years later it would not have bothered me a bit. Being told I would go several months at a time without any type of contact from the woman I decided to share my life with a year or two ago would have torn me inside in ways indescribable. Ask me now and it is a mere afterthought.

Most people are unaware of what they can go through...because if it is avoidable....we avoid it. Would I have set in place measures to save our M if I had foresight? I would like to think I would but I can not say with any certainty. Thankfully I was put in a position where I could see things without any clouds. To be honest...I was upset with myself for not doing it a long time ago. 
Things happen so gradually, you do not notice them. When you sum up three years in three posts, others can see it very clear. Because this will be my final post about my first (and may be last) M, I want to leave it all on the field. I anticipated a stagger step and end it on the one year mark of me leaving the house and seeing the light. Certain things occurred which threw a wrench in those plans.

I would like to start by saying my late MiL was the greatest. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would feel that way about a MiL. She was my Xs safety net. Anytime she screwed up financially, her mother was right there to bail her out. My X never learned any lesson from that but.....moms are the one who will do anything for their children when no one else will. My MiL was a wonderful security blanket for her. Add me in the picture and she felt 'oh so secure'. Unfortunately for my X, I am not a MiL, nor am I as forgiving. When her mother died, the warm blanket was not as cozy.....when her financial instability did not improve....I held her accountable. Within two years...her security blanket was gone.

There are certain things you do for your spouse which a price tag can not be placed on. I did those for her, as she did for me. We had an unspoken communication. I had never had it with anyone before. In many ways it was how couples become one. I pondered listing a Top 5 greatest moments but...if I had not mentioned them yet, may be they were not all that great.
My situation could have been so much worse. What would I have done if I were in GP's shoes? It is hard enough to try and get past things but, throw kids into the equation....danm. What about Z's situation? Watching the love of his life virtually throw away her D in favor of the unknown. How about Group's dilemma? A sociopathic X who throws the child into everything and uses her as a pawn. He!! yes....I got off easy.....

Mine just started running the roads for a couple weeks, stayed gone about four nights a week for a few weeks.....and returned home every night afterwards...after work....like clockwork. I asked her three times if she wanted to work things out. DDay, a week after and one more week after. I then went through the process. It was hard, it hurt in ways I never knew. It was to the point...old pictures tore me up. That had never happened to me before. 12/10 and 12/11 of last year........
Those two days are still mostly a blur. It was the lowest of the low. I received a post from Group saying, 
You are so close.

Conrad's Saying: getting sick and tired of being sick and tired?

.....The change began. The one last cry....the pivotal post. And the next day after work......guess who starts coming home right after work??? I remained distant...I believed if she sunk the boat, let her fix it. She would begin conversations with me about trivialities (to be fair, at that time everything was trivial to me if it did not involve working through our problems). She was given the 'teenage look they give parents when they are just not interested in what you are saying', and find any excuse to get away from her.

This continued until Christmas Eve. I knew I was going to my mother's house...no matter what my X would say. Then X started with the tears, clearly upset I was leaving. I had to keep telling myself...this is her mess, not yours...there are aftermaths for everything. I returned home after staying two nights. I saw nothing had really changed...I wrote out the non-negotiable a couple days later and left. I returned after New Year and, maybe it was because I had been away from the house for too long. But I could not stand the filth...I packed some things and left for good (minus spot checks until D was final).

The N-N was my line in the sand. By this time, I was done with the smoke blowing......cooking me dinner and leaving it in oven, bringing me pizzas and staying in contact on emails....When we filed for D..she paid for it. Conrad said, "Why pay for a D you do not want?" I would receive constant emails from her telling me what was going on at the house and what she was doing. At first when I would only communicate through emails, I had a three day grace on opening them....later on I just stopped responding to them.

A week before it was final, I ripped out the N-N. At that point, I had no desire to even discuss the M. I still had questions while the last month of the 60 day wait was passing. Soon before the N-N was ripped out, I put my X in position to see her true colors. She showed her hand......game over.
By her being very nice to me at the D final, I smelled an attempted return. I took it upon myself to ask if she would pay a few bills which she didn't have to but was at least or more than 50% responsible for. Oddly....she agreed to pay them, no questions asked. My X seemed to want to be my friend more so than my adversary. My mom told me, "xxxx you should not trust her as far as you could throw her."

There is something to be said about moms. She spent three decades in collections and can smell stink a mile away. She did not dislike my X all those years but she had reservations. But as long as I appeared happy, that was all she wanted. After the blow-up last year and the D was filed, I was at her place. She had spent the day flipping through People magazine and watching TMZ. Out of the blue she told me, "You should thank her. By her leaving, she has set you free." That comment was a Socrates out of nowhere....but it was very true.

I want to get everything out before I close this chapter of my life. The most important things have already been said. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought, within four months, I would get divorced with my third love and receive a reconnect with my first and second.
My first love.....oh man...that was untainted love....two teenagers ready to take on the world (cue Bon Jovi or Skid Row). I was given the chance to explain to her, I had no desire to have a fling with her and what we had, was left where it should be....in the past. Even though I will always love her, it is a road I wish not to travel again. Last week marked what would have been, if we stayed together, our 25th anniversary. 

My second love....this came out of nowhere. We had not spoken since the last part of 1996. Our last date, she called me up and asked me out....movie and I had her run by the house to show her the upgrades to the house. She was hesitant to leave and I grabbed her, gave her a big hug and....turned around and went inside. That was it....throughout the entire date I did not feel a single thing for her, except history.

We were not even meant to be talking then. Back in the summer, we were FWBs and nothing more. The one thing I always wanted to do was walk with her on the beach at night and write our initials in the sand. I was given the chance and for that week.....we acted like we did back in the summer of 1991. Everything was perfect but...as I sat at the beach downing a fifth of cheap Vodka, I knew......this week was make believe...as soon as you get back home, things will be right 
back to how they were when you left.

I can't complain about second love too much. We did not have, at least on my part, the untainted love of your first. We learned a lot from each other and the realization she could not have been "The One" was evident when I would not share my innermost thoughts with her. But I was labeled the "Dylan McKay" (see Beverly Hills 90210 series in early 90's) type of guy. Years later it made sense...she married a much older guy with two kids and from what I heard from many....was pretty much just like me. It was not a total loss.......I made two novels from it. 

As I watched my X spiral downward, it was hard to not do anything. There were four people important in her life. Her mother, her brother, her son, me. One passed away, one was in prison, one succumb to drugs, and the other.....she pushed away. But we reap what we sew. 
I'm sure I will re-read this in two days and think, "How did I leave this important part out." But those of you who have followed my threads....know....it was all left on the field. 

Group-You dodge bullets now. Time to meet (Ms.) Smith.

A year ago I would be pining about 'can we make it through this?'
Tonight it is unseasonable warm, 68 outside with huge storm missing me by about 150 miles. I am out on the deck...throwing tennis balls for the three dogs who remained. Listening to:
Motley Crue - In The Beginning / Shout At The Devil - YouTube


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Ex on dating site about a month after D final. Will take these two down in a few days


----------



## Chuck71

OMFG :rofl:

want a pic of the garage window she said she was going to go through?


----------



## ReGroup

That was an excellent post Chucky.

The way you handled your situation was amongst the best I have ever seen on these boards. 
There wasn't as much drama in your story compared to other threads because YOU didn't let it happen.
That was Grade A exhibition.

Look at you now and look at her. SMH. Lol.

I am glad I was able to help an any way I could.

God knows you did wonders for me and continue to do so.

GP, Z, yourself, PB, CG, HK and I are in better places now... What a difference a year makes. I won't forget this experience ever.

I value your friendship, keep striving towards the best life possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I want to see the window!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

LOL....What did her profile say?

I like walks on the beach, warm fires, not paying my bills and squeezing my large a$$ thru small windows. So if you wanna take care of me and my grown son, message me.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> OMFG :rofl:
> 
> want a pic of the garage window she said she was going to go through?


Does the garage window have lipstick on it that matches the corks?


----------



## Chuck71

Here ya go Group.....

don't think it would be a fit


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> LOL....What did her profile say?
> 
> I like walks on the beach, warm fires, not paying my bills and squeezing my large a$$ thru small windows. So if you wanna take care of me and my grown son, message me.


:rofl:


I never saved anything dealing with her profile. It was funny though....every single thing she said she was looking for were the very things she liked about me. Go figure! Kinda tell that was a lost person. I should have saved the one where she snapped a pic of her arse reflecting in the mirror. What really makes me shake my head was, after seeing her pics on a dating site.....I asked myself, "Would you date her if you didn't know her?" A resounding NO. Anyway there were a few things she left out in the profile I do recall:

What I want from a man: He must
empty my ash trays three times a day
be able to walk through a room without stepping in poo
be a Christian but place me and my dogs before no other
be able to keep track of my eleven medications
be able to fix flooring
be able to buy mattresses and couches often
be able to give me credit cards (I have none after bankruptcy)
be able to take me to and from the doctor four days a week
be able to work two full time jobs
be able to widen windows


----------



## LongWalk

Chuck71 said:


> Let's begin the wrap-up. Here is a pic of X and I at the beach.



There's no pic here, Chuck:scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, 

How's the love life?

Any word from the Windor Cork?


----------



## LongWalk

Oh, sure. I have mental of image of your x.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Oh, sure. I have mental of image of your x.


:rofl: mental would be an understatement


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Chucky,
> 
> How's the love life?
> 
> Any word from the Windor Cork?


WC, to the best of my knowledge, is still with Ray Ray but my profiling side believes she is back in town. Her birthplace is about 75 miles away, may have returned there. No contact but she has been aware of me dating urology gal for almost a year. There will be one more contact from her, outside of her being involved in police investigation over stolen items by her thug son. It will be a brief encounter. 

In some ways I would love to berate her about how everything went to crap but.....why? What purpose would it serve? If I "have to" get everything off my chest, compose a book, change the location and names. Her health is in horrid shape....near 50.....if she was in hospital and things were bleak.....I would go see her if asked....would not bring up a word about the past. Simply out of respect.

What bothers me more than anything is how my step son went from a good kid......to a mongrel. For years, he and I were closer than he was with his dad. He was sucked up into the lowlifes, thugs, druggies, and imbeciles. I admit...I hung out with some drunks, druggies, etc. when I was his age BUT I kept my priorities in order. College, work, then if you have time...hang out with the guys. But his parents were given brain cells, they just failed to utilize them. He carries the idiot flag.

Dating at times has been great and....a royal PITA. I keep trying to find reasons to tell the urology gal to take a leap when......she does something.....that makes me think, "Where the he!! were you twenty years ago?" The others I have dated, some have children. One thing I noticed, women over 35 who have children full time or most of the time will meet or go out with you one time and.....if they like you, invite you over for dinner. After the kids are put to bed....within an hour, they make a move. You spend the night and leave before kids get up. They claim "they couldn't believe what they did" or "I've never done that before". Yeah.....pop warned me about that years ago. They say let's take it slow after last night. The next day....four phone messages, eight emails to computer.....I see why they are not in a relationship.

To my best estimate....I do think a lot of the urology gal but.........not enough to consider getting hitched. It's more nothing to do with her than our situation. Her parents have been married 40 plus years and very well-to-do. If I had met her 15-20 years ago, I think pop would have liked her. He never hesitated in giving his opinion but never did anything else. Some I would bring by the house, minus 1st and 2nd love, he would say later, "She is muckable but not much more." 

She is kind of the black sheep....her brother is "perfect"; her words. Dated a guy after high school, got pregnant, got married......got divorced. Where have I heard that before! Married a guy I knew through others (several years older) and it ended I think around 2009. But at my age, if you meet someone who never married....you wonder 'what's the deal with her?' Which brings me to a point I become very irritated with...."well every one else has (fill in anything) so why haven't you (fill in same)? If the example is M, well..... a majority of them fail so....why the he!! do it if it is going to end in turmoil and more often than not, children involved? 

Most guys would have married my 1st love if they were in my shoes. I knew something was wrong with her then....something very deep. Pop warned me I would have walked into very bad situation. My 2nd love I never saw as M material.....live together?....certainly...but never M. What if I never met Window Cork? Where I live...if you are a guy and over 35, never married, people honestly question your "gender preference". Funny to most I would admit but it is worse on the women......an unmarried single female...with no children....by 30 they are considered a spinster. But here we go with these "societal norms"....I have to laugh at it....it is best to do as society dictates, even though society fails on a repeated basis. May be the reason why some nickname me Munch from Law and Order SVU.

I get along with her parents. Her family is blood red GOP. Her dad likes to push his ideas onto others. Came to a point earlier, I told him "save the garbage for your grandkids....I know better." Tried to out intellectualize me in beginning...it was somewhat funny....I like to pass myself off as a typical Southern guy with a few pieces bread shy a loaf. Several IQ chats later, he got the hint. What he is exceptional at....is craftmanship. He looked at a water issue I had in the summer...told me step by step what to do. It was "over my head" on the technique. While I was in Alaska, he fixed it. Would have been a $750 job....he would not take a dime. I told him, "catch fish for me I feed family for a day....teach me to catch fish I feed family lifetime." I think he got it then.

Her mom is great. For being 60...hate to say it but....she is a hottie. Her family are "huggers". I did not grow up in that, so it startled me when her mom hugged me the first time. To my best recollection, pop told me he loved me one time, in a five year period from up until he learned he had cancer. So it may be something foreign to me. Her dad was a huge Tigers fan growing up. He spoke of watching the Tigers beat St. Louis in 1968 and San Diego in 1984. Urology gal said she always has trouble buying for her parents at Christmas. It's not as if they need anything....if they want something, they just go get it. 

I put together the entire 1969 Topps Tigers team, league leader cards, all-stars, checklist, and eight card World Series highlights. Also got a 1985 Topps Tigers team set. He was clearly shaken when he opened the '69 Tigers box. It was not the $ tag but the thought. Overall....things are going well. We are planning a couple mini vacations and one major trip. 
All I know is...this expedition has more long-end potential than the 'ol 1997 Chevy. 


I listened to this a lot a few years ago

Bon Jovi - Someday I'll Be Saturday Night (Intl. Version) - YouTube

now I prefer 

Scorpions - Loving you sunday morning - YouTube


----------



## Ceegee

Great thread Chuck.

I'd have to agree with RG about how you controlled your divorce and detachment.

Puts things into perspective for me.

With the picture of the window still up we don't really need to see a picture of WC. 

In my best Johnny Cochran voice: "If the butt don't fit...you must evict."


----------



## GutPunch

Ive got a 69 Reggie Jackson rookie.
My favorite card I had as a kid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Great thread Chuck.
> 
> I'd have to agree with RG about how you controlled your divorce and detachment.
> 
> Puts things into perspective for me.
> 
> With the picture of the window still up we don't really need to see a picture of WC.
> 
> In my best Johnny Cochran voice: "If the butt don't fit...you must evict."


Without kids, I had it easy. I learned a lot reading about RG, GP and Z's perils with their child(ren), not to mention their narcissistic sociopathic Ws. I had a pic up earlier of her and I "back in the day" and one of her off of a dating site about a month after D. Group saw it, lol ask him about it. 

When you are in the deepest depths of heartbreak, you bond with others of like emotion. When I turned towards the light, I enjoyed offering advice. My story was short n to the point. I had no albatross of a W whom I had kid(s) with. You really can not go full NC with young children. I held out one distant hope, until our 'electric bill' showdown arose. Gave her two options.....my heart wanted her to choose A but my brain said, she will go with B. She chose B, game was over.

The week before D, I stopped posting on the older thread. I wrote every third day and posted those after D final. Mentioned one great and pathetic point about her over the fifteen years. Seemed all the great things were so long ago and pathetic, recently. I believe I wrote one time about seeing a lawyer back in 2002....he told me to be 110% certain this is what I wanted. Obviously he could tell I was not ready but in reflection....2002 would have been the best time possible to have filed for D. Instead I wasted nine more years.


----------



## Chuck71

The '69 Jackson......God at the memories. I have a story about that card. I was at the lake one night....(kidding)....need to stop using lake stories or people will think I'm homeless and live there. It was 1987 (yeah, there I go with that year again).......

I was bouncing a tennis ball off a wall doing fielding drills when mom told me R was on the phone. He was a friend from back in the neighborhood I grew up in. "Dude they've got it! Got it!" Ummmm got what??? "They have the Reggie Jackson you need, his rookie!" Granted guys....I was 15 but I think I had a big O when he told me that. I rushed down and for $45, I claimed my "52 Mantle". The card booked at $90 and condition was nowhere near the anal retentiveness it is now.

In 1993, leading up to being in the Hall, the card rose to $750. I was very tempted to sell it but....I was in college, I would never be able to buy another for a long time, plus it may be worth $1200 by then. (GP back me up here) Lo and behold the card dropped right after entering the Hall....all the way down to $250 in a few years. When I was selling my collection in late 90's the thought of selling that card, I had owned since April 87 was ripping at me. I decided to keep it, Jackson was one of twelve players I had "mass personal collections" of.

In the summer 2008, I bought a 1969 Topps set. The Jackson in it was much better than the one I had. Okay, now you can sell it! I couldn't do it. Probably never sell it. When I started writing my three book novel, there was parts which dealt with a depressed teenage boy. I would pull out my 1987 Topps, Fleer, and Donruss "memory" sets (these are full sets but not in mint shape...sets I drift back with......the factory sets of all three are in my main collection). So easy to write after a short trip.

Collecting is still fun. I stop getting anything after 1996 except for Topps hand made set and a Topps factory set each year, minus finishing brand runs like Score (up to 1998) or Pinnacle (1998). My oldest set is a 1965. I'm working on a 1955 but need the two big rookies plus other stars. I would love to get a 1962.....lay them all out on the '62 Vette and have mom wear her 60s clothes, let me take a few pics. 

If I had to pick my favorite card, it would have to be 1955 Hank Aaron. I wrote a story on how I obtained it and met Aaron in a column back in '09. I think Conrad read it, I could send you a link. I still have the $18 sticker which was on it when I bought it.

Urology gal and I were at mom's back in the spring, just jawing about whatever. Gal mentioned her dad knew a lot about cards and he talked with Chuck about it. Mom asked me, "You didn't embarrass him did you?" I do not buy boxes anymore, unless it is a steal or I have a feeling. I bought a blowout 4-pack of cards for $4.99 back in '00....had WC open them....she pulled Cramers Choice Griffey, worth $250....sold on EFraud....opps EBay. Year later bought $10 blaster box of 01 Donruss Classics....WC and MiL opened them...I just watched. MiL said "you got cheated, this isn't a card". LOL it was a redemption send in for one of forty Steve Carlton / Mike Schmidt dual cards. Sold it for $250. I'm considering buying a graded pack of 1967 Topps......guess who will open the pack! Guess who will be slamming JD hoping I didn't flush $ down toilet....

GP we need to get together for the five Bs
BBQ
beer
baseball cards
a blonde
a brunette


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> The '69 Jackson......God at the memories. I have a story about that card. I was at the lake one night....(kidding)....need to stop using lake stories or people will think I'm homeless and live there. It was 1987 (yeah, there I go with that year again).......
> 
> 
> 
> I was bouncing a tennis ball off a wall doing fielding drills when mom told me R was on the phone. He was a friend from back in the neighborhood I grew up in. "Dude they've got it! Got it!" Ummmm got what??? "They have the Reggie Jackson you need, his rookie!" Granted guys....I was 15 but I think I had a big O when he told me that. I rushed down and for $45, I claimed my "52 Mantle". The card booked at $90 and condition was nowhere near the anal retentiveness it is now.
> 
> 
> 
> In 1993, leading up to being in the Hall, the card rose to $750. I was very tempted to sell it but....I was in college, I would never be able to buy another for a long time, plus it may be worth $1200 by then. (GP back me up here) Lo and behold the card dropped right after entering the Hall....all the way down to $250 in a few years. When I was selling my collection in late 90's the thought of selling that card, I had owned since April 87 was ripping at me. I decided to keep it, Jackson was one of twelve players I had "mass personal collections" of.
> 
> 
> 
> In the summer 2008, I bought a 1969 Topps set. The Jackson in it was much better than the one I had. Okay, now you can sell it! I couldn't do it. Probably never sell it. When I started writing my three book novel, there was parts which dealt with a depressed teenage boy. I would pull out my 1987 Topps, Fleer, and Donruss "memory" sets (these are full sets but not in mint shape...sets I drift back with......the factory sets of all three are in my main collection). So easy to write after a short trip.
> 
> 
> 
> Collecting is still fun. I stop getting anything after 1996 except for Topps hand made set and a Topps factory set each year, minus finishing brand runs like Score (up to 1998) or Pinnacle (1998). My oldest set is a 1965. I'm working on a 1955 but need the two big rookies plus other stars. I would love to get a 1962.....lay them all out on the '62 Vette and have mom wear her 60s clothes, let me take a few pics.
> 
> 
> 
> If I had to pick my favorite card, it would have to be 1955 Hank Aaron. I wrote a story on how I obtained it and met Aaron in a column back in '09. I think Conrad read it, I could send you a link. I still have the $18 sticker which was on it when I bought it.
> 
> 
> 
> Urology gal and I were at mom's back in the spring, just jawing about whatever. Gal mentioned her dad knew a lot about cards and he talked with Chuck about it. Mom asked me, "You didn't embarrass him did you?" I do not buy boxes anymore, unless it is a steal or I have a feeling. I bought a blowout 4-pack of cards for $4.99 back in '00....had WC open them....she pulled Cramers Choice Griffey, worth $250....sold on EFraud....opps EBay. Year later bought $10 blaster box of 01 Donruss Classics....WC and MiL opened them...I just watched. MiL said "you got cheated, this isn't a card". LOL it was a redemption send in for one of forty Steve Carlton / Mike Schmidt dual cards. Sold it for $250. I'm considering buying a graded pack of 1967 Topps......guess who will open the pack! Guess who will be slamming JD hoping I didn't flush $ down toilet....
> 
> 
> 
> GP we need to get together for the five Bs
> 
> BBQ
> 
> beer
> 
> baseball cards
> 
> a blonde
> 
> a brunette



Being from Texas I've always been more of a football fan than a baseball fan, but I can certainly appreciate the sentimental value it brings to those who are. 

I have a ball autographed by Reggie Jackson. I also have a program autographed by Sandy Koufax. He was a pitching coach for our AAA team which used to be a feeder team for the Dodgers back in the 80's.

In addition, I have a pair of game worn shoes autographed by Tim Duncan and a football signed by Bob Lilly. I'm too young to remember him but he's a Cowboys legend. 

None of these have much monetary value because they're personalized to Ceegee (except Reggie's ball), but they mean a lot to me.


----------



## Chuck71

Any true collector has a handful of cards that have sentimental value to them. Koufax was one of pop's favorites. Koufax had a five year consecutive run only Randy Johnson comes close to matching (when he went to Arizona). Growing up he was a typical Yankee fan (back then you sort of had to be) but grew fond of the Milwaukee Braves and Brooklyn Dodgers. He never told me why but, I bet it was they were the only two teams then, who challenged and defeated the Yankees.

He introduced me to Warren Spahn, Ed Mathews, Duke Snider, etc.....which began a lifelong kinship. The time I stopped collecting, after surgery '88 to '90...I still grabbed price guides. He asked how much certain cards were....some I bought at his recommendation, few he bought for me. "What bout that '59 Spahn card you had?" It took searching before I realized.....I had traded it back in '86. He had this huge disappointed look on his face. Will never forget that. Couple years before he died, I was lucky enough to find a 1952 Topps Spahn.....by the look in his eyes, I was forgiven.

From my years of 12-16, I spent a lot of time fooling with cards and reading. The only other thing to do was play video games and they bored me (Atari 2600). If you are a guy in this age frame, no other guy old enough to have a car wants anything to do with you. Girls this age are after the older guys, guys with cars LOL.

Football will always be king in Texas. The Dodgers had farm teams in the Texas League.....according to minor league stats of future Dodgers. I was a Steeler fan but as I grew older, I still hated the Cowboys but had a great deal of respect for Tom Landry. The way he was pushed out was unforgivable. 

CG.....I'm sure I am a bit older than you so when you can, ask your dad or uncles about David Clyde. It was a tragedy what the Rangers did to him.


----------



## Chuck71

Here is my beat to death 'ol '69 Jax from 1987


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> Here is my beat to death 'ol '69 Jax from 1987



Love the Nolan. He's a legend around here.


----------



## Chuck71

One of my greatest grabs was getting Ryan's rookie card in '96. I never thought I could get it...it once booked at $2,000. A local weatherman paid 2k for a gem mint one. Like all other cards, which were inflated during the late 80's and early 90's...the bottom dropped. It was less than a month after I graduated undergrad and the local dealer had bought a collection. He offered it for $500 when it booked at $950.

The nice part of the story is.....around this time I was reconnected with 2nd love after pop's death. She mentioned going out of town for a long weekend. There were a few things she did that annoyed me to no end....she did one....I went NC. For some reason I felt I would receive more enjoyment from the card than her irritating voice.

Eventually I sold the Ryan for a lot less than I paid for it. But I just purchased a 1968 Topps set five years later. In those days, I would compare the players I already had against the cards from the set, keep the better, sell the worse. The new Ryan had better corners. I will never forget going through the set on the Sunday Pittsburgh played Washington. Going through a vintage set, listening to my fav football team on radio, wife gone shopping.....priceless!

2nd love and I eventually took that trip later that year. I went into it as our last hurrah. It was. I let everything from the past go and had the time of my life. We never dated again. I received the greatest form of closure and......got a Ryan rookie out of it to. Win-win.


----------



## Conrad

I'm pretty certain I had that Ryan card as a kid.

Came out of the typical 10 pack with the big stick of gum.


----------



## Chuck71

wasn't it a ten card pack for five cents?

I think five card penny packs went away in ?1966

Now a child has to pay $3 per pack or $50 for box

and they wonder WTF kids pay $ for video games

children of my generation were the last to truly enjoy

the art of collecting, trading, buying, selling

at the playground, in a friend's yard over Kool-Aid

a childhood innocence 

thank God I lived back then


----------



## GutPunch

Took me a minute to find these.


----------



## LongWalk

The pink bubble gum in olden days was too sweet. But the gum itself had better consistency than the stuff today.


----------



## Chuck71

we would save the gum....place sticks in mouth

maybe 36 sticks (hence Topps box was 36 packs)

chew it into a ball and imitate our heroes

who placed chewing tobacco in mouth same way

our cheek protruding out...just like our heroes

we would grab our nads at the plate....just like our heroes

we partied after games.....just like our heroes

the sad thing is......when you grow up

they were not heroes.....they were mortal....just like us


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Took me a minute to find these.


I recognize that Rose card also.


----------



## Chuck71

Angst-Why did you nuke your threads?


----------



## angstire

Chuck71 said:


> Angst-Why did you nuke your threads?


I didn't want the info up online in case X2 or someone ends up on TAM at some point. I journaled a lot during the divorce, so I kept much of my progress there. I debated about it for a couple of months before doing it. 

I got a lot out of TAM, but other than a little lurking, I don't contribute much or read much, so I decided February was as good a time as any for a fresh start.

I'm a packrat sometimes and I decided maybe getting rid of stuff I don't need any more was a good idea.

No traumatic reason, it was just time and I wanted to reinstate privacy.


----------



## Chuck71

At times it is hard to find the time, the emotion and the desire to write. Other times it seems to pour out of your body like sweat during a jog in Death Valley. Speaking of Death Valley, I would love to jog a mile there. I always loved the heat and summertime. Over the last couple of weeks a few things have occurred. 

I have found a great deal of time to write. An opening has came about I never thought would, I was lucky enough to be in a position to challenge myself deeper than I have since 1988. And....well......... guess who come crawling out from under a rock and sent me an email........Window Cork. 

For a great number of years I expressed myself through music. We had a garage band...figured by 1994 we would be opening for Poison or Ratt. By 1994, neither rock band were still together and our band was....well... we had other things which became more important. I hated to write....... if a term paper was asked by a professor...I went into a panic in August, even though it as due in November.

As music changed, my passion for it started to. After taking a World Lit. class, I found myself scribbling down a story in play form. As I was leaving undergrad, I did not exactly fear term papers but I sure did not look forward to them. I had a full time job leaving graduation and for some strange reason, I took a part time one.....doing....writing. I must have been on a bad hangover that day.

Fast forward, it's so odd the things I hated to do and kinda sucked at...turned into my passion. There are times when you have to tell yourself some writing needs to be done.....times when you can not bring yourself to even think about your story, and times....it flows through your veins and you can not type fast enough. I entered the latter zone a short time back. 

Urology gal introduced me to American Horror last year. I liked Asylum more than Coven (gee wonder why lol). The finale was on and was recorded. I woke later that night around 3AM and thought I would catch it before she woke up. The lead-in was Stevie Nicks singing "Seven Wonders". I never was a Fleetwood Mac fan, especially after Big Love came out in the spring of '87. That is one of the songs which grates on me like a wet fart at a baseball cars convention.

I must have rewound the DVR eight times, listening to the song. Being ADHD, my mind raced. The song was popular when I met a girl on vacation when I just turned 16. It was on the radio when we were still talking outside the hotel just before sunrise. I remembered floating in the pool in the middle of the night after my first draft of TNTSS, thinking if it ever sold any copies it would be cool to expand it into a screenplay. I ran through the scenes and matched up the songs which should be played IMO. Seven Wonders was one of them.

As everything was coming together in spectacular fashion.....I get an email............. from WC. I can only relate the timing of this to buying the purest kilo of cocaine and getting home, opening it up, and being a kilo of penicillin. Opened it later that night. I figured it was some crap about taxes (even though we were only legally married for one month of '13) or some BS about God only knows. It was a touching, sincere letter filled with 'from the heart' emotions. 

At first, I was ultra pizzed off, it wrecked my momentum writing, for a bit. I went back to the writing. The next night, I came to a good stopping point in my books and re-read the letter. I gave a response. I agreed to meet her for dinner a few nights later. She picked my favorite, an Italian bistro. I was not the least bit nervous, I can't say the same for her. After a bit of non-issue chatter, it all came out.

WC-I know I made a lot of mistakes in the end.but you were so distant with me.
Me-Talking to me would have helped
WC-You put me in a financial bind taking out the lights and grabbing half of the car insurance money.
Me-Your actions placed you in those situations
WC-You have an answer for everything
Me-I'm the answer man (in a very smart a$$ tone)
WC- xxxxx is working now. I hope he keeps it this time.
Me-I do hope he grows up
..............convo went to her mother's items she left
WC-Momma loved you. I am glad you saved them. Are they at the house?
Me-They're put away for xxxxx when he is released
WC-Would you mind if I ran by and got them?
Me-They're put away for your brother, when he is released
WC-(pause) Do you mean to tell me I can't get my momma's things, at the house we all lived at?
Me-Yep
WC-You are completely disrespectful
Me-Remind me to give a fvck (smiled when said while sipping drink)
WC-You know why I asked you to meet me don't you?
Me-Inform me.
WC-You're not making this easy
Me-Making what easy?
.........a few minutes of banter continued until.......
WC-I know you're seeing someone and I respect that but I'd like for us to start taking
Me-About what?
WC-I want to see if anything is left between us. Ya know we were together a long time.
Me-What is your end game?
WC-I just want us to start talking again.
Me-About what?
........WC pauses and I just give a glare
WC-I want us to talk, maybe go out......as friends and.....y'know.....date
Me-You want me to finish your sentence by saying, try and get back together. But I'm not. I doubt you have 
the boldness to say it yourself. Let me save you the trouble.....what we had a long time ago was 
magic. We had our problems but we loved each other. Somewhere along the way, things changed,
(Right now is when she tried to grab my hands and squeeze tight but I pulled back)
What we had is in the past, the distant past. I will never forget those times and the person you 
were then. I will always love who you were but there is no future between us anymore. There 
hasn't been for a number of year.
(She began to tear up)
Me-I have to excuse myself. I need to take a dump. (No lie)

When I returned, WC had left. She left $20 for the meals. Free meal and didn't have to put out! It's nice to have a VAR on hand when meetings as this arise. I actually use the VAR when I have inspirations about my books, it just happened to come in handy in other ways.

It is hard to still, come up with a reflection. What is there to reflect? In a solemn way...it's like being defeated 38-17 in a football game and playing later in the year. You know you were soundly thumped the last time but things have changed. You walk in being 10 point underdogs but, it doesn't matter....you know what the outcome will be before it unfolds.

A new day begins, back to front, the sunrise. I would love to feed everything to Eric Blair and let him run with it. Another crossroads has arrived. Passing Sink or Swim, even The Way. Maybe The Launch? 

KISS - My Way - YouTube


----------



## LongWalk

When did this happen? Has she lost weight?

Did you tell your SO?

Keep writing.

I never saw the photo window cork but I imagine her face.


----------



## GutPunch

Love will find a way just give it time Chuck.

Round and round.

What comes around goes around.


----------



## Ceegee

You knew this would happen eventually. 

Handled like a pro.


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> Love will find a way just give it time Chuck.
> 
> Round and round.
> 
> What comes around goes around.


:rofl:

The bands suck now, living off what was big 25 years ago

now...... with a bit of practice.... they could open for us


----------



## GutPunch

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> The bands suck now, living off what was big 25 years ago
> 
> now...... with a bit of practice.... they could open for us


Well they obviously Don't know what they've got

til it was gone and it ain't easy to get back 

Takes so long.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> You knew this would happen eventually.
> 
> Handled like a pro.


This meeting was what I told Group about being a verbal version

of the IDGAF letter

knew it would happen

did with previous two loves

clockwork


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> Well they obviously Don't know what they've got
> 
> til it was gone and it ain't easy to get back
> 
> Takes so long.


On Cinderella's "forgotten" album, released in '94

Through the Rain ........ song you listen to

at 2AM with a fifth and wonder where your life went to


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> When did this happen? Has she lost weight?
> 
> Did you tell your SO?
> 
> Keep writing.
> 
> I never saw the photo window cork but I imagine her face.


She was back in town.... a few friends had mentioned so. 

Urology gal was at the restaurant. She was a bit upset. I 

assured her, it ain't happening. This is just an official form

of closure. After WC left, I went to her table. The bistro 

had great bread! I will repost the pics LW

1st will be the woman I cherished

2nd the scared child on a dating site


As far as her poundage, I would assume she has dropped a few

doesn't matter.....as I posted in "popisms" pop said it best

"When it's over....it's over. Doesn't matter if she sells or gives it away on a street corner. It's over."


----------



## GutPunch

I wish I had forearms like that. I would have been state champ in the shot put.

or maybe juggle medicine balls.


----------



## LongWalk

Not the same woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> I wish I had forearms like that. I would have been state champ in the shot put.
> 
> or maybe juggle medicine balls.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I saw her go after a girl once...... brutal


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Not the same woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


elaborate


----------



## Chuck71

Parting Shots

I swear I hate time. It is the most brutal thing imaginable. Mom was 28 when I was born, pretty old to have first child back then. Her 25th reunion would have been in 1987, my coming of age period. Now.....my 25th looms. Did I mention I hate time?

I figured it would be a nice time to begin a post which did not include any thoughts or reactions to the X. I am sure I will gather insight from the past as I look towards the future. Just no reason to pull anything out from my toy box.

When I would walk home from school in junior high (middle school for the younger readers) I would go across a small bridge. It wasn't a bridge, maybe a walkway. It led to someone's mailbox. It would indicate you are almost home. If I was quick of foot, I would be home in time for the Three Stooges.

I did not have to walk home. Pop would pick me up but it got to the point, I did not want him to. Most of the time he would be drunk when I got into the car. He was the type who could drive better drunk than sober. But to listen to him downgrade me for, whatever reason, it became an abyss. 

It became apparent, if he did not have to pick me up, he would not be home when I arrived. Walking a few miles in the rain slowly became a tradeoff of him not being around after school. The summers were brutal. After he went to bed, he would drink...eat....lights out, I would 'come out of my cave.' The night was mine, to think, read, sneeze...to do whatever. If you stay awake until 4 AM you are most likely to not wake until noon or right before. 

This is where I would get the lectures and insults. I was not motivated to do anything but, "eat, sleep, and play with your kcid". I am overweight because I stay holed up in my room. I am not a man because I do not know anything about a car. I even smoked pu$$y cigarettes.

To answer these, I did not smoke the unfiltered cigarettes. I was not familiar with a car due to the fact, when I was around him, working on a car, I would get cussed out for not knowing....fill in anything. Guess I was not keen on being talked to like a dog. I stayed holed up in my room because it was as far away from him as possible. 

A popular song from 25 years ago was The Living Years by Mike & the Mechanics. I listened to this when I arrived home after the funeral. It was the only time I cried. The hospice nurse told me the morning he was to die, he is having 'death rattles'. I thanked her for telling me and I walked past his bedroom, on to work. I arrived at the house, after he had died. I did not want to be at his bedside when he passed.

In all regards, I do not think pop should have ever had children. Granted I would not be here, but to feel a hatred for being tied down to someone...to spew hatred to your child. Use a condom....problem solved. I do have a half-brother somewhere within a 100 mile radius. I never met him nor cared to. But I wonder, did he treat him as he did me? 

As I grow older, maybe it was not meant for me to have children. If I was told I would treat them as I was treated, I would be glad not to have any. This tends to change your life expectations. Disregard the top portion, this is not meant as a new post. It just turned into a very depressing one. But glad to get this off my chest.


----------



## Chuck71

Why all the Reflections Dude?

Reflections are all a review of ourselves. In the final edit of the book, I had to place myself 'back at zero'. To do so, without bias, you must relive whatever pain one produces on paper. If not, you are cheating yourself as an editor. 

As a rule, it is recommended to write in third person. When I started the book, it was to set the tone for the other two. I was amazed at how easy it was to float back to yesteryear. The good, the bad, and the ugly darkness. I tended to block out the darkened times. On a positive note, things between pop and I did improve over time. Just not 'in time'.

I sometimes wonder, why do I write this chit? But from darkness, there is a light. When I reflect up on the summer I met my true first love.....I view it with cherished thoughts, and with partial anger. It was pre-surgery. If I could only..........go back in time.

I recalled when I first rode a bicycle, the nervousness...the way pop let it go and I was riding it without knowing...until I turned around. Or how I would save my lunch money all week to use at the card shop. Pop asked me for $ and I said no. I knew why he wanted it. He knew I had it. I refused and he told me he would not buy any food if he did not have beer money. I never revealed if I had $ or where it was. He proceeded to.... confiscate my tv, then my boom box....then my baseball cards. I began to write down things, how I felt. At the time it was notes but in truth it was poetry / songs.

I guess it's true, a poet does need his pain. If I had any knowledge writing this book would be a form of psychotherapy, I may not have. The solice is the final two are not touched on with any family strife. Aside from mistakes in romance....it provides a positive framework. Writing for the public is easy, it's just this one, hits home in many ways.

The older I get, the more I understood the dynamics of pop. He didn't mean to be how he was, he 'just was'. He was very intelligent I learned so much from him. As time went on, he was not bad at all. We would talk about the economy, women, cars like we were brothers. They are remembered fondly.

I recall reading a library book about Mickey Mantle. I found it odd his dad was named Mutt. Mickey was in the minors in, Oklahoma I think, and was dejected with his performance on the field. He called up Mutt for inspiration of a guiding voice. Mutt told him to pack his bags and return home. He could be a (can't remember what he said specifically). The Mick gathered himself and we all know what followed.

Mick's father died young. Mick partied it up thinking he too, would die young. He learned later, it was not the case. I remember pop following Mick's interviews when he spoke about his transgressions. He saw himself, in many ways. Less than a year later, pop died too.

Pop's pop died young, 51, a WW2 vet who brought back awards and....a drinking problem. Pop died young as well, 55. I could mail it in and say, I will die at 59. I'd prefer to think otherwise. As pop used to say, "you're not allowed to die if you owe creditors." If that be the case, I not only saw 1991 and 2002, I will see 2112.

Not to end on an all negative point, in later years, he was very helpful in my growing up. He had positive points I hope / wish I would. I learned more from an afternoon chat with him than any classroom. It's sad, I never got to know him. I just hate I had to reflect on my childhood and remember.

Boston released Third Stage in 1986. On the cassette, after My Destination side 1, you could flip it over and be somewhere in the middle of "To be a Man" side 2. I remember..........


----------



## GutPunch

Chuck

We had very similar Dads. Mine was ex military and a drunk as well. Heck my Dad to this day drinks more in one week than I do in an entire year. 

I am nothing like my Dad. I don't hide from any pain. I love my kids and am totally different. When I was a kid, I told myself that I was not going to be like him and I was going to spend time with my kids.

Chuck

You would have broken the cycle too.

Never say too late either. 

Nothing better on this planet than playing catch with your son.


----------



## Chuck71

No writing, wouldn't have went back

thanks to Google map, I can look out the same window

I did before everything fell in place

thanks to pop I did form my first unofficial sentence

pop and mom's dad were riding in the Corvette, I was so young

I was standing up between the seats as someone cut pop off

and I, of course, repeated him..... words are backward

sehctib a snos nmad dog


----------



## LongWalk

Funny, Chuck, that your dad was such a person in your life. Mine, too.

re: Not the same woman
Your ex was attractive but let herself go completely.

You'd be a great dad. If your current SO is too old, maybe you can adopt.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Funny, Chuck, that your dad was such a person in your life. Mine, too.
> 
> re: Not the same woman
> Your ex was attractive but let herself go completely.
> 
> You'd be a great dad. If your current SO is too old, maybe you can adopt.


The sad part was.... before she began taking medication, she was the person I met in '97. The main culprit was Paxil. She was on other drugs but this did the major damage. In my opinion, most were not needed but I am not a doctor. Her panic attacks were described by her in detail but I was never present when one occurred. It zoned her out, amongst other things. I attempted to research ways to circumvent this pitfall by informing her of methods to counter this, methods documented by psychiatric professionals. It was to no avail. To continue trying to help her was similar to jabbing yourself in the eye with a nail and......pulling it out, doing it again.

Some may think I was wrong in this but after a couple weeks of no sex and one night she's in the mood.....I refused it. To me this was crumbs. There was one stretch where it was almost like pre-Paxil but.....it faded. She was still very loving and enjoyed our time together. To me.... pharmaceuticals claimed a victory over humanity. After her mother died, her spiral began. I watched firsthand, how prescription drugs, written by a licensed doctor, can take the life out of someone.

She needs help. May be someday she will realize this. If not for her, for her son who is pretty much "too far gone" as it is.

........................ As for pop, things weren't as bad as I grew older. I think when he started to realize, I was just him, in a younger body, things shifted. We still butted heads but it was mainly over me not agreeing how he treated mom. It wasn't my business but it was my business. He would ride my arse about going to college. Two reasons why.... first he realized I would not meet success in regards to jobs working with my hands. He stated later, had it not been for the surgery, he would not have pressured college much at all.

The other......pop's pop ran a car lot. He told pop he would send him to college but....instead of driving "showroom" cars, he would have to settle for a used car. Pop chose the car over college. Keep in mind, this was 1959. In the South, college was not a consideration for many. There was not a serious need to even finish high school. Mom had two older sisters, one older brother. None of them finished high school, and if I am not mistaken, two dropped out after 8th grade. Her two older sisters were married and a mother by 16. Mom was the first to graduate in '62. So pop didn't want me to regret what he did later in life.

Later on he would explain how this area (South) was in a dire mess when agriculture declined and the factories left. It was very enlightening and to this day, I think he was right on the money. I later learned he wanted to stay around long enough to see me graduate college. He missed this by five weeks. As the graduating class were walking between the stands, entering the basketball arena..... I glanced into them. There he was.... in his houseboat garb......smiling. I smiled too.


----------



## Chuck71

Just talking out the Side of my Mouth

It is nighttime, it is raining. ADHD has been kind to me of late. As I have been in completion of the final read on book one....it strikes me more than usual.......why can't I return to the age of 16? Of course it is a TiC comment but....times were simpler then. The music was great, cars were cool, a twelve pack was half of what it costs now. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Did I mention...having to go to school? Working part time after school flaming up nasty fast food? Having to ask mom for a ride and hoping your friends do not see you having to bum the ride? Falling in love and finding out your 'one and only' did not exactly need time and space, she just wanted to date the guy who has a newer sports car than everyone else? Teenage years.....ahhh....how I lived through it without becoming a raging alcoholic is amazing.

Reading certain parts seem to be more work than enjoyment but they have to be added. It's the parts where I get goose bumps and the hair on my back stand up that seems to get me. Remembering things is not difficult at all. But to feel the intensity as if you are going through the same emotions again..... words can not describe.

I keep going back to the final episode of The Wonder Years. At the end, Kevin closes with “I remember a place, a town. A house like a lot of houses. A yard like a lot of other yards. On a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back, with wonder.”


----------



## Chuck71

I can remember......now thirty years back.....wanting to get a rookie card of Ron Kittle and Darryl Strawberry from a card shop. It was Christmas......pop went with me. I was twelve. He told me, pick out what you want and listen to the asking price. Then shut the fvck up. What occurred afterwards, at first, annoyed me. I wanted Kittle and Strawberry.

For the same price, he asked for a Gil Hodges 1959 Topps, 1958 Topps Duke Snider, 1959 Topps Warren Spahn, and a 1957 Topps combo of Snider, Hodges, Roy Campanella, and Carl Furrillo. I was ultra pi$$ed. But he gave that look....the look of...."don't even think about it". In the end, he got those cards plus, a 1958 Topps Ed Mathews for less than what my two cards would have cost.

Today, Kittle is 50 cents, a common card, and Strawberry, around $15. The cards he chose, the 1957 #407 Dodger Sluggers, $300. Draw conclusions on the other! I did the same thing with my former step-son, I advised a 1982 Topps Traded Cal Ripken over a 1998 Leaf Rookies and Stars JD Drew. It was......a rite of passage.

The urology gal and her dad had a similar bond of, the Eagles. Everyone over 14, knows of them, but do they? I had to read and ask to know. I remember their songs being played on LPs when I was four or five. I would sing along with them, one in particular was "Take it to the Limit". It was their last song before intermission Monday night in Atlanta. I sang along with the song as a kid, and I always thought the lyrics were, "pu$$y on a highway, show me the sign". I would actually sing it as such......

They sang, "Lying Eyes", in the first set. That was pop's song. He would have enjoyed it more than I had. But I couldn't help but remember, how much he loved the band. How much I wished....he was there with me. How I would have surrendered my ticket, to give to him. I loved him as almost as much as....I hated him. As long as mom seemed to be treated right, I had no qualms. But mom was an actress....a damn good one.

During the concert, which I saw as very expensive, is the memories of yesteryear. My g/f did not pick up on it but, she still has her parents. Why would I expect her to? The concert, the final Eagles tour, was more for pop than me. I loved you but I hated you. But isn't that the way it supposed to have been??????????????


----------



## GutPunch

Yea.....I don't know how many Barry Larkin, Jose Canseco, Tim Salmon cards I have. Probably could own a Lou Gehrig for what I spent on the future stars.


----------



## Chuck71

Larkin and Salmon had stellar careers. Canseco well....his 86 Donruss was pushing $200 at one time. But I agree completely. I have around 7,000 1982 Topps Kent Hrbek. He had a respectable career, not Hall by any means. But his rookie card should be more than $1.50. Maybe $3? But back in 1983, you could still pick up a 1968 Ryan rookie for $50 and a 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle in mint condition for $3k. As Cher sang, If I could Turn back Time 

Pop would tell me about all these players he saw as a kid and almost each one had a bio in the school library. I would check out a book on Friday, have it completed by Monday. We had just moved to the country, no cable, no one my age for miles, and you can only play pretend basketball for so long, especially when you stunk anyway. Just reconnected with the guy who worked at the card shop I spoke about with the Ryan rookie. First thing that goooberhead ask me, after 15 years, was "don't cha wish you'd have bought that '49 Leaf Jackie Robinson I offered you for $450?" I was sick.......

GP you might want to consider posting a trade site and maybe look into the 1993 Finest Refractor set. I know it's hard to believe but this is the one set which has not dropped in price, just increased. You can't buy it in set form anymore so it would be a fun hobby building it.

I have a Barry Larkin from the set, graded PSA 9 and 31 of the Hrbeks (were only 241 of each player supposedly made). I'm wanting to buy up all the Hrbek's from the set and go JP Morgan and play Monopoly :rofl:

If you have singles from the 70s, 80s, and 90s....PM me, I need to finish a number of sets.


----------



## Chuck71

Sign it is Time to take a Vacation

UTC Alumni: You graduated from UTC in 1996?
Me: Umm....yeah
UTC Alumni: Would you recommend this university to others?
Me: No
UTC Alumni: Ok....what was your major?
Me: Registration
UTC: Have a nice weekend


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## LongWalk

Haha. Registration.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

I hated those 'pop up' showers in the spring and summer. It was somewhat difficult to sneak and smoke a cigarette when the wind and rain were blowing in. I would gaze out the window and wonder what I had before me, When we first moved into the house, I was in junior high. I remember getting "locked into" the workout room at the high school.

I was through working out after school and wanted to cool off before we all started calling our parents. The gym was five stories high. I climbed the ten stairs up to the top and sat while viewing the older part of the city. I can't recall everything I contemplated but I do remember wondering why it was so different to go to the high school, compared to junior high. 

A spring storm was traveling through the area. High winds was not expected. I had entered the high school but still preferred to watch "The Honeymooners" and "Dobie Gillis" over "The Cosby Show" and "Growing Pains". It was late and mom n pop were already asleep. I had difficulty sleeping. A lightening streak flashed across the sky and.....the power went out. Everything was dark, except my eyelids.

We always kept batteries in case the power went out. I grabbed my earphones and tuned it into 106.5. They always had a "Midnight Snack," where they played an album in its entirety. I happened to know this band....Bon Jovi. I was aware of "You Give Love a bad Name" and especially, "Living on a Prayer." The other songs were foreign to me.

I decided to walk the streets since the power was out. I listened to the entire album. I especially remember "Without Love," a fatalistic tune. I had recently went from 305 pounds down to 175 by constant exercising and virtual starvation. The "anorexia" was 100% by choice. I was still to lose some twenty more pounds before that summer but the gist of the entire process was already complete.

Wonderment befuddled me as I admitted the doubts I had for my future. There were not anything overwhelming but when you are fifteen, it does not take much, to be as such. Had I been told where I would be in the spring '87, back in summer '86.....I would have done cartwheels. But there I was, wondering why I was still...unsatisfied. More hungry to push towards something else, and that something was just around the corner. But I had no clue WTF it was.

After I had lost a great deal of weight, I took a leap of faith and went up to a new gal, an upper classman girl. I secured her number and we talked, made out behind a building at school.........long story short, she was "taken" by a guy in college who had this thing called a two-seater with four wheels. How did I know at fifteen a set of wheels and a $20 bill was all you needed to be "coooooooool?"

That is where the anorexia started.....where I saw "that girl" with her beau going to the store to retrieve her formal dress....hand in hand. A girl who I "knew of" saw this and ran up and hugged me, at the time I didn't know why. She told me later. We were complete opposites, but got along like eighty-one and eighty-two. We never "dated" due to the fact she knew her family was moving after the school year. She said she did not want to get invested and have to leave and, I agreed with her.

The days before she left, I gave her a birthday present. A friend drove us......I picked her up at 4AM and we went to the lake (yeah...same lake). I rowed out as we watched the day break around 5:30AM. I was aware she liked coffee and a doughnut for breakfast and, provided those. She was very impressed....but when she became hungry, I already had prepared (lol thanks mom!!!) salmon patties, mashed tatters, green beans, and homemade rolls.

Was she shocked? You betcha! We returned to my place and had a small cake made. She cut a piece and wanted me to take a piece. The piece left was "will miss you" from "i will miss you", she laid a candle down to make an "I." When we reached her house, she hugged me, said goodbyes, and she began walking back to her place, She turned around and kissed me....one of "those" kisses. I did not see the message on the cake until the next day....when they were packing up to leave.

The last time I saw her was 'the kiss,' and that spring....everything seemed to fall in place. I was still confused but had so many answers. Everything seemed to lead back to that night, with no power, listening to the Midnight Snack....Bon Jovi.....Slippery when Wet.

All the questions were answered that summer...enough to end up writing a book about it. A life changing event only because a storm with wind......no power.....earphones....and an album.....

Y&T - Summertime Girls [HQ] - YouTube


----------



## Morgiana

It's amazing isn't it? Knowing the moments of our lives that have defined us?


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## LongWalk

Great posts, Chuck.


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## just got it 55

Chuck I really want to read some of your work.

55


----------



## just got it 55

Thanks for the Like ZEE

I would like to read some of yours as well

Your posts get better and better

55


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## zillard

just got it 55 said:


> Thanks for the Like ZEE
> 
> I would like to read some of yours as well
> 
> Your posts get better and better
> 
> 55


I've always thought about writing, but don't much other than here. 

My passion is more visual - design, illustration, screen printing, etc.

I'd love to read Chuck's writing, he's great!


----------



## just got it 55

zillard said:


> I've always thought about writing, but don't much other than here.
> 
> My passion is more visual - design, illustration, screen printing, etc.
> 
> I'd love to read Chuck's writing, he's great!


Art is art my young brother

As long as you use your talents as you see fit.

55


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## Chuck71

Morgiana said:


> It's amazing isn't it? Knowing the moments of our lives that have defined us?


an excellent memory can be a blessing and a curse

I find more enrichment from viewing the several lead-ins

which culminate into a life changing event. The beauty of it

is, we never "see it coming" but in reflection....it was plain

as day.


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## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Art is art my young brother
> 
> As long as you use your talents as you see fit.
> 
> 55


Art....drawing.....always been in awe of how some are able to

make pictures tell a story. Z....I may have to chat with you

about a cover for the book, I have the exact one I would like

already "in my head". But as for art and me

I can't draw a conclusion


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## Chuck71

55... you mean the novel(s) or my weird late night rants about life?

Z? ZEEEEE... is it ZEEEE now?? Going all French on me now?

This week was the day pop died, almost 20 years ago. I had some

reflection....sometimes I try not to "overkill" certain topics on here


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck71 said:


> 55... you mean the novel(s) or my weird late night rants about life?
> 
> Z? ZEEEEE... is it ZEEEE now?? Going all French on me now?
> 
> This week was the day pop died, almost 20 years ago. I had some
> 
> reflection....sometimes I try not to "overkill" certain topics on here


Chuck anything and everything

Not to TJ but this Is one of the most significant days in my life
On this day in 1973

I dated my wife for the first time and never been apart since

The last fighting troop left Vietnam (The last day of combat operations)

My cousin died from wounds sustained in Vietnam.

55


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## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Chuck anything and everything
> 
> Not to TJ but this Is one of the most significant days in my life
> On this day in 1973
> 
> I dated my wife for the first time and never been apart since
> 
> The last fighting troop left Vietnam (The last day of combat operations)
> 
> My cousin died from wounds sustained in Vietnam.
> 
> 55


Mankind measures thing with time, therefore we object out travels with it as well

TJ is welcome....makes it unique... I think LongWalk and myself TJ'd LL77s a few times

anything we do not experience ourselves, we must rationalize judgement from

how others see it. As for 1973, I was a year old.... so anything historic I must

read about and form my own opinion. I'm sure the evening I spoke about the other

day was, just like any other day for you. It may have been for me as well but, I

was fifteen. The coming of age and rites of passage are events in a certain

"window of time".


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## Chuck71

Hello there....I am an average every day guy from America. I like music, girls, fast cars and hanging out with the guys. I'm the guy next door you know but do not know. I am polite and respectful of women, because I want others to treat my mother in the same way. My mother has made sacrifices for me and I am aware of that. I have friends but only a handful are considered close. My dad busts my chops sometimes to teach me but others, just to extol his authority. We battle often for reasons unknown, he wants me to be better than he was, I want to be nothing like him. Sometimes I view him as married to the bottle, and mom, married to a ticking time bomb. Dad can have the grace of a God-given angel when the fires rise above the ground. I just want a normal life....is that too much? I have been the hero, never expected to be so but one does not know, until placed in position. I do not wish to save the world, I just want to experience the world. My name is Mike.

Good evening....I am a Southern Belle if you can call it as such. I am from a broken home where being the oldest, it is my job to help raise the younger ones. My mother is chasing a dream of youth, falling shorter and shorter each time. Her resilience is reformulated for a last run. I am unable to have a childhood, therefore I want to start something in adulthood. My father left me, as did my next dad. I think I may find "The One" some day and take me away from this hole. I am mature beyond my years and seek the same in a man. I want a family but I want to make sure he loves me, unconditionally. I will move mountains to make this man happy and give me the large family I would desire. We will try to 'out love' the other as the years pass by on our lives. My name is Angie.

Hiyas guys....I am the girl next door. I love my family but could do without my little brother. I love music, mall ratting with my friends and, most of all, boys. I like all kinds of guys but after closer examination, most are either boring or chasing the "one thing all boys want." I am jealous of my friends who have guys that treat them well. I chase out of reach guys and wonder why I get left in the cold. I honestly don't know what type of guy I want but, if he shows himself, I surely would know. I have three close friends, Lori, Heather and Myca. Lori is the good girl, Heather is the optimist and Myca is the brutally honest one. My name is Cara.

Yo...people. I am an every guy next door with a hidden truth. I appear to be a ladies man but have a secret. My best friends are dudes who are there when times are bad. I try to help them out if I feel I can. I am able to get any girl I want but, not the one I want. Fast times are great but they are what they are, fast and fleeting. There has to be more to life than, whom you are dating. I long for the simple life my grandparents have. As time marches on, I realize who my true friends are. I tutored Mike in lessons of love, only to realize in the end, I took the very same things, from Mike. My name is Brad.

Hello three.....I am born and breed in the South. My momma and daddy are just as much in love today as they were years ago. It makes me sick but that is what I want to have. Friends are friends but I have a couple I cherish, tried and true. Angie is my closest friend, my name is Ginger.

My name is Marie, I made mistakes in life but regret none. I am unhappily married but understand my husband's quandary. I see in my son, everything I saw in his father. He suffers as I do but, nothing is ever perfect. A wrong can always be righted.

My name is Johnny, I am married to Marie. God knows I have made mistakes but I do love my family, maybe I am bad at showing it. I measure my well-being with the money I bring home. When I fail, I drink. I am not the friendliest drunk.

Hello.....I am the girl you dreamed about. I will be a model and be famous. I have the look and everyone knows it. Guys beg to date me but I wonder, do they love me or just to be seen with me? I was related to Angie by marriage and learned, it's not the look they love, it's the love they look for. She found Mr. Right and I found Mr. Moron. I am prettier and more sophisticated but nevertheless, she got Mr. Right. Maybe she taught me something no one else would.....my name is Donna.

Hi....are you single? I am a mother, a single mother. I deserve to be happy and want to show everyone I am not over the hill. Love can't just die after 35 can it? I deserve it, I have went through losers too long. It is time for me....my name is Mindy.


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck off the cuff that was nice

Now can I give you an exercise

Write somthing with this Title

_Supermans day off_

55


----------



## Chuck71

Chuck71 said:


> Hello there....I am an average every day guy from America. I like music, girls, fast cars and hanging out with the guys. I'm the guy next door you know but do not know. I am polite and respectful of women, because I want others to treat my mother in the same way. My mother has made sacrifices for me and I am aware of that. I have friends but only a handful are considered close. My dad busts my chops sometimes to teach me but others, just to extol his authority. We battle often for reasons unknown, he wants me to be better than he was, I want to be nothing like him. Sometimes I view him as married to the bottle, and mom, married to a ticking time bomb. Dad can have the grace of a God-given angel when the fires rise above the ground. I just want a normal life....is that too much? I have been the hero, never expected to be so but one does not know, until placed in position. I do not wish to save the world, I just want to experience the world. My name is Mike.
> 
> Good evening....I am a Southern Belle if you can call it as such. I am from a broken home where being the oldest, it is my job to help raise the younger ones. My mother is chasing a dream of youth, falling shorter and shorter each time. Her resilience is reformulated for a last run. I am unable to have a childhood, therefore I want to start something in adulthood. My father left me, as did my next dad. I think I may find "The One" some day and take me away from this hole. I am mature beyond my years and seek the same in a man. I want a family but I want to make sure he loves me, unconditionally. I will move mountains to make this man happy and give me the large family I would desire. We will try to 'out love' the other as the years pass by on our lives. My name is Angie.
> 
> Hiyas guys....I am the girl next door. I love my family but could do without my little brother. I love music, mall ratting with my friends and, most of all, boys. I like all kinds of guys but after closer examination, most are either boring or chasing the "one thing all boys want." I am jealous of my friends who have guys that treat them well. I chase out of reach guys and wonder why I get left in the cold. I honestly don't know what type of guy I want but, if he shows himself, I surely would know. I have three close friends, Lori, Heather and Myca. Lori is the good girl, Heather is the optimist and Myca is the brutally honest one. My name is Cara.
> 
> Yo...people. I am an every guy next door with a hidden truth. I appear to be a ladies man but have a secret. My best friends are dudes who are there when times are bad. I try to help them out if I feel I can. I am able to get any girl I want but, not the one I want. Fast times are great but they are what they are, fast and fleeting. There has to be more to life than, whom you are dating. I long for the simple life my grandparents have. As time marches on, I realize who my true friends are. I tutored Mike in lessons of love, only to realize in the end, I took the very same things, from Mike. My name is Brad.
> 
> Hello three.....I am born and breed in the South. My momma and daddy are just as much in love today as they were years ago. It makes me sick but that is what I want to have. Friends are friends but I have a couple I cherish, tried and true. Angie is my closest friend, my name is Ginger.
> 
> My name is Marie, I made mistakes in life but regret none. I am unhappily married but understand my husband's quandary. I see in my son, everything I saw in his father. He suffers as I do but, nothing is ever perfect. A wrong can always be righted.
> 
> My name is Johnny, I am married to Marie. God knows I have made mistakes but I do love my family, maybe I am bad at showing it. I measure my well-being with the money I bring home. When I fail, I drink. I am not the friendliest drunk.
> 
> Hello.....I am the girl you dreamed about. I will be a model and be famous. I have the look and everyone knows it. Guys beg to date me but I wonder, do they love me or just to be seen with me? I was related to Angie by marriage and learned, it's not the look they love, it's the love they look for. She found Mr. Right and I found Mr. Moron. I am prettier and more sophisticated but nevertheless, she got Mr. Right. Maybe she taught me something no one else would.....my name is Donna.
> 
> Hi....are you single? I am a mother, a single mother. I deserve to be happy and want to show everyone I am not over the hill. Love can't just die after 35 can it? I deserve it, I have went through losers too long. It is time for me....my name is Mindy.


main characters in TNTSS

Superman doesn't have days off

Superman was not religious, he worked on Sundays

maybe 1-6 PM.... but he never took day off


----------



## LongWalk

Could Superman feel anything?


----------



## Chuck71

I can recall the day a quarter could buy almost anything. Ice cream at lunch, A couple phone calls to your "g/f" in junior high to impress your friends after practice (it was to a bank which did not have answering machine and would ring for ten minutes). A couple of games at the arcade or... a pack of baseball cards. If a math major crunched the numbers, the value of a quarter vs. minimum wage in 1984 against similar items in 2014..... would arrive at a plan of...... money don't go as far as it used to.

Who would have ever thought a 30-year fixed rate would be, today, in danger of falling by the wayside? This country is the only one who uses this, in fact, the U.S. invented it. But in a clear cohesive pedagogy, it would be realistic. Yes in amortized form, it looks abhorrent. You pay three times the list price, minus down payment, for a home on 30 years. At 15 years, it is nearly only a two to one ratio. But it is the America Dream, as mythical as it all seems.

An average American family with two children have no way of affording a "nice home," even with both spouses working. Then how did our grandparents, where mom stayed at home and raised children, make it on one income? Did the dollar go that far? Or were necessities a completely different thing then? In case any female readers are here.... raising children at home is a very tough job, something I do not feel I would have been capable of doing. My grandmother.....raised five children, worked part time and tended the farm. She had more game than I doubt I ever would. No wonder she was tough as nails.

I feel sentimental as I am about to agree on placing one of my duplexes up for sale. It was my first one. I was 25 when I bought it. The girl working at the real estate agency wanted to go out with me (gee wonder why). I showed for the closing in pop's three piece suit (he was BIG on dressing to the 10th) and she went ape-chit. I picked her up in my 1996 Camaro. I had on a tank top, had Scotch in the back seat, couple packs of smokes and a few Led Zep Cds. Guess she was looking for a rich family....sure wasn't me.

It was the same duplex, I asked my X to move into with me (we were already living together. We had dated for over a year.) in the Fall of 1998. We lived there until Fall 2005. My mom moved into it and sold her (and pop's) house to us, at cost (gift of equity). Mom lived there until last year. Renting to people today, hands on, is a unGodly PITA. Tenants have no respect for someone else's property. That was not the case a lifetime ago.

I tore up a neighbor's weed eater in 1983 and mom made me go to the door, tell them what I did and swear (promises weren't allowed) I would pay them back, plus 10% interest. They we an older couple, born even before World War II but mom made sure I paid every cent back with interest and thanked them for not "pressing charges". It honestly amazes me, that same person, now asks me to go to the store for her. Anything remotely within reason, I gladly do for her, you can have a million girlfriend but, only one mom. There, I was blessed.

I feel like putting this up for sale, my first duplex, is saying "I surrender" to the myth I once had at owning multitudes within twenty years. It was laid out, clear as ice water, but....life got in the way. Pop was a future thought guy, I'm sure mom saw it 700 miles away. It is.....what it is. Is it a failure or a return to zero?

The sale will pay my house off, not bad at 41. The land, acreage. Am I ahead of the game or did I lose the "price of the game"


----------



## Chuck71

I guess this goes back to change and me never liking it. In retrospect....change for me has been good more often than bad. After some thought, I have no reservations about selling one of the additional properties. A deciding factor was the upkeep on the place. A guy who does handy work told me....."after homes get about thirty years old......things start happening to them". I think he made a valid point. Plus in about 3-5 years, a roof will be needed....that's a nice $6k. 

It has sentimental appeal, I lived in one side with X for six years, mom lived there for eight. With both sides rented to 'strangers', there is really no tie left. I want to take most of the money from the sale and pay my own house off. I wanted to have a house paid for by the time I was 40....I was close. Mom turns 70 this month and I have always wanted to take her to Tybee Island. I would like to stay a week and have a home within walking distance of the beach, that way mom and her sister can come for a few days, urology gal's parents can stay awhile, etc. 

I also want to get a 1962 Topps baseball set. Lay the Mantle, Spahn, Ford, Koufax, Gibson, Marachal, Yaz, Perry RC all on hood of the Corvette and take pictures. Yeah.....the set will cost $4k if in NM condition but....when I buy old cards, I estimate the resale price. Eventually I will sell all my cards again.....minus a handfull I will keep. The most fun part of collecting is.......buying the cards, building the collection.

The Savannah area has always interested me. No concerns about winters, might snow once every twenty years. I love warm weather. As a youth, pre-surgery, my school counselor told me I was well-suited for outdoor labor. Sometimes a lie can tell a fib the lie can't pick up on.

I seem to struggle with the modern world and the world gone by. Getting into the mind of a serial killer or serial rapist is a passion I enjoy. It's the "why" factor. It is a battle of the mindsets. If pop had utilized his intelligence, God only knows what he could have done. There are times I wonder.....what would he say of me if he were here? The insight he had.....he knew me before I knew me. 

Running a farm is difficult work but it is a labor of love. You can see what your resolve produces. You can't see that in most jobs today. As long as you are only growing for main self-sufficiency, it has many advantages. But I bet it would be hard to find a female who would enjoy oil lamps, no television, churning butter, and posing for pictures holding a pitchfork.

A century ago, the Great War began. I spoke with a professor from UTC about a book which goes into great detail about the precepts of the War and the aftermath. Twenty years ago I detested reading and writing. Today....they are my joys. 

I was recently researching the family tree and hit a snag. What was pop's grandpa's real first name? I was forced to call pop's sister. Pop went 14 years without speaking to her after his mother's death. It had something to do with the will. Anyway....I called her and did not find anything. What my aunt knew, mom knew as well. Aunt and I had not spoken since pop's death, almost twenty years. She was excited, vibrant.... until she learned I had no children. The chat then took on a somber note. I honestly wanted to say something....I really did. But I quickly ended the call.

The trip to Tybee would be expensive but.....I would have no regrets. At one time, I considered selling all of my rental properties and buying a beach house at Tybee. Have mom live there when it was not rented out to people I know. Let her enjoy her years after retirement. The prices were outrageous....today...the very same homes are selling for 60% of what they did almost ten years ago.

Politicians attempt to paint a picture to tell a lie, artists paint a picture trying to tell a lie.

Kansas-The Wall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBMsulQMqm8


----------



## zillard

You may remember I had a very hard time selling my first home; the marital home. The actual sale went swimmingly, sold on the first day, but my feelings on it were much different. It symbolized so many things. An accomplishment I worked hard to achieve. A place I could call my own. Chosen with the thought of settling down and planting roots with my little family. The perfect backyard in which to create countless memories with my daughter. 

But, things changed. Even though there were many pros to letting the place go and relocating, it was extremely difficult to accept. I was presented with the choice and opportunity to stay and keep the house, with or without my X. It was extremely tempting for many reasons. But the pros to selling outweighed the potential cons. 

Is my new house a dream home? No. 

Is it better? In so many ways.


----------



## Chuck71

When we stayed in one side of the duplex, I never saw it as "a home." It was temporary until we were established. I wanted to buy a home and return to renting both sides out. But the nauseating prices of homes in 2003-05 were mind boggling. When I grew up, in my area, a basic home went from $59k to $179k from 1990 to 2005. I guess I grew up with a mindset....a nice 3k square foot house with dual garage should not cost over 99k. 

Homes went up, wages did not for most, enter Alan Greenspan and the ARM. That was a band aid on a forest fire. But we all had to keep in mind, he had relations with Ayn Rand. We looked for a home but I could not agree on the prices and even WC...said it was way too high. Somewhere it came up mom was keen on idea of moving into town and not having task of home upkeep. 

I know of many business savvy people, male and female, who bought homes in 2003-07 and after the bubble.... owe $375k on a home now value at $275k. I consider myself very lucky to have seen it coming. Especially pop but mom too, were very financially sharp and taught me well. 

I'm glad I can say the selling of duplex is sentimental in the fact, it was my first step as an adult. Popism, "the most important decision you will ever make in your life financially, is buying a home." The only time it bothered me was the night before D final. I stood where we had gotten M. I pondered it and left..... had date with urology gal later in the evening. 

I think I lived in six homes growing up before the one I'm at now. They all have special memories, especially the one I was at from 1985-88. That was my coming of age home. If I ever won the lottery....yeah....I'd pay 25% over market for it. At my current residence, I have either resided here or had a lot of "my chit" here since 1989. So to me..... this is home. I value the privacy it has now, much more than twenty years ago. I can walk out to the pool or the back yard naked and not worry about anyone seeing me... not than anyone would want to. The lake is a few miles away.

The beach would be the only place I would trade this for. But a cheap beach house where you can pee and hit three neighbors will run 500k. A beach home with privacy...more than a few million. If I live here the rest of my life.....I would be content. Z.....this is somewhat similar to what I was referring to in the post about being content. It's great to achieve but when is one content? If one is never content, satisfied with one's life work...it leads a hollow existence. 

Being content does not mean saying your life is over and one will sit in front of the tele and rot away. If one has climbed all the mountains one desired, they are content; they may climb more but if they do not....they are happy with their life works. 

As far as my seeking PhD....in several ways, it doesn't matter if I do or not. I will carry it into something else.....make less money? probably but if money were the goal, I would have chosen psychiatric path. In life we often tear down the Wall (Kansas) but rebuild it better. 

Luckily you can't get an F from a superior when you write your own works. The worst is....they only sell 800 copies and your mom bought 750 of the 800. It's like playing football in college. You may get drafted, go to training camp, not make the team, maybe practice squad. Maybe make the team and dress all season but see action in 17 meaningless plays. The key is not he did not make it, it is he gave all, win or lose.

While at UTC, I asked the coach if I could practice with the team. He agreed. I would suit up against the starters, take a guess how the 54th string players fared. I got to suit up a few times, caught one official pass for eight yards. That was my career. The destination was to play, even if just one game, one catch. The journey was to prove everyone wrong after the botched surgery. I had a ton of inner anger then, almost burned me up. I still have it but I learned how to channel it. 

Anytime I heard I probably couldn't build / fix this....think back to doctors saying I'd never walk again or use right hand. Anytime it was academic or anything to do with cognitive usage, think back to being told I would have the mind of a 10 / 12 y/o. Everyone self motivates in one way or another. 

Am I content in some ways.....yes but not most. Would be shortsighted to be content at 40. I may fail in obtaining PhD, I may fail as a writer in my new genre, my life may consist of one dead end relationship after another. But to win / achieve, one has to play the game. Life is a constant mind game... 

Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Welcome Back My Friends - YouTube


----------



## Awakening2012

Did Alan Greenspan really have "relations" with Ayn Rand ? LOL! 
Not a pretty picture. (((((shudder))))))


----------



## Chuck71

google the two...... documented numerous times

that thought is being used as a visual for the

new South Beach Diet Plan  :rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

Time is compared in instances. Rather it be a burning cigarette, a burning candle, or a "burning" pyroclastic flow of gas and rock. Anything dealing with a volcano should be avoided and as expensive as cigarettes are, sometimes you have to wonder what it damages most; your health or wallet. A fresh lit candle, if scented, can very well bring about a refreshing odor when first lit.

Most of you who know me are aware, I live in TN. My residence is on the eastern side, at the base of the Appalachian Mountains, or what we commonly refer to as the Smokey Mountains. The land was settled "illegally" after King George III issued the Proclamation of 1763. Many settlers of Scot-Irish descent settled the area. These mountains were prime real estate for lumber a century ago. FDR declared the area a National Park and the few existing lumber companies signed agreements to only cut certain wood for the last remaining years of legal forestry. 

Most people "moved to the city" and assimilated into the modern age. Some chose to stay behind and live as their ancestors have. The TVA made electricity available to anyone in the region. Some chose it, some refused. Either way, these people decided to live as we later described as, "living off the grid." If you have electricity, it is hard to say you are truly off the grid. 

I am not off the grid. Those who are, are usually looked down upon for their backwardness. But are they?.....substance farming, trading what excess for lamp oil, coffee, or even flax. Transportation is horse and buggy, no high electric bill, no car payment, no car insurance, no home owners insurance. Nevertheless... it is well known for poor medical care...especially emergency care, poor educational opportunities, and learned helplessness.

Most (not all anymore) lakes you can walk right in without shoes on. Grab a float and let your worries drift away. Grab a chair and find a shade tree to read the newspaper (yes actual paper). Sunsets are nice but nothing compared to watching a sunrise at 3,500 feet at 5:00 in the morning (western edge of Eastern Time). There is something special about seeing a sunrise in 2014 the same way you could have in 1914.

A candle which is now half burnt. Is it half burnt or half lit? Mostly it depends upon how you wish to view it. 

Mom went in for surgery this week. It was minor but still.....you worry. Some things are right in front of you but you can't seem to see it. I was ten when a doctor biopsied my condition. Brain surgery for a grade school kid....I wasn't the least bit fazed. But why.....why wasn't I? I didn't know better. Mom was a mess and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Pop wasn't...well he was but he would not show it.

You can't fear something you are not aware of. I was nervous when mom had cancer cut off of her leg this week. I shouldn't have been worried but, I now know how it can completely go wrong. I can't imagine how worried she was that day thirty plus years ago. Some lessons take time to sink in; others just smack you right in the mouth.

I grew up with a Labrador Retriever. We went everywhere during the 80's. The walk I mentioned, the headset, coming of age, yeah...he was there with me. I would sneak away but it was just a matter of time before he caught up with me. He died in '95 and I still miss the guy to this day. My worst regret is throwing fireworks at him when I was young, thinking it was funny. It bothers me to this day. If I missed my X like I missed him, we'd probably be in a R thread. 

The H57 pup we got at the pound, it was X's pleading. She let me off the hook for V-Day if we could adopt it. He was born somewhere around Christmas 2001. I can tell he is "grey in the face" but we've been through a lot. He was the only one I would not part with when she left after D. The other, a part wolf / part German Sheppard... was her brother's. But I have kept him for a number of years, her brother may not get him back when he is released. A stray who came in garage looking for food in 2007 was kept.

I was not keen on keeping him, we already had three and my BiLs. After the D final, I took him to a campground where a friend stayed most of the year. He would either keep him or find a home for him. I felt bad for giving him away but I was not going to care for all the strays my X took in. As I was driving up the road to the house....maybe a couple days later.....there was the stray. The guy I gave him to, did not know where I lived.

He traveled 18 miles back home. I couldn't return him. Not after what he pulled off. He is stuck with me. He, like us, eventually return home. Maybe not forever but maybe for a short time. When I push mow the yard, he is the one who walks along the woods to make sure no snakes are around. At least once a week, I give the three dogs spaghetti noodles. Once a moth some raw meat or throwaway steak. A few times a year, a nice t-bone. 

Sometimes I think more of dogs than humans. What does that say about humans....or dogs? The candle done its job as it slowly burns out. Is it useless or did it serve its purpose?


----------



## zillard

Nothing is worthless if in it you see value.


----------



## LongWalk

Great, Chuck!

I drove through the mountains with my kids. Some of the shacks look happy to me.


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck Just keep writing brother

It’s so soothing you can put peoples mind at ease Few things have more value than that Chuck

55


----------



## Ms. GP

Hey Chuck, 
I guess you heard about GP's ban. He's doing well. His business is booming which is great. He's coaching the boy's baseball team and they are 10-2. The boy has gotten hits 27 out of 36 times at bat. Not too bad when your dad is the one pitching to you. Lol! We got a puppy. He's a bulldog beagle mix. Very cute. Now if we could just get him potty trained...
P.s. great suggestions on that other thread BTW. Take care.


----------



## Ceegee

Always nice to check in and see a new entry from Chuck on Crossroads II. 

I know it was 4 days ago - I don't frequent TAM as much as I used to. 

Your new book released yet?


----------



## LongWalk

Chuck,

The nostalgia. Are people worse than in the past? I doubt it. But the norms of trust have sunken. How could it be otherwise if your own government, regardless of party, lies to you in matters of life and death. The mortgage crisis. Sickening.

Houses, home, property, land, condo, single family dwellings, duplexes – all of those ways of life, with both richness and sterility. The first place we lived was an red brick apartment complex by a busy throughway. The first two distinct memories of my life that I know happened and are not black and white photos that have been transplanted back into the memory were mom giving me a dripping sandwich, i.e., beef drippings from a roast spread thick on bread with salt and pepper. We're talking lard, pure evil fat. I was standing by the fridge and wolfed it down fast and asked for another. Today if a mother served her kid that, people would demand CPS do an investigation.

The other memory from that utterly rectangular complex was the sight of two young ******* guys dressing a big snapping turtle on concrete steps. It was pure gore: blood, decapitation, prying open the shell. Buckets to catch the insides. My mom was a country girl but from a place without any turtle soup. I wonder how long we watched?

We didn't live there long.

All the housing projects in that university town promoted sterility and lack of individuality. The bulldozers wrenched all the tree stumps out, leaving the land utterly naked, a clay landscape with giant shovel marks. They stripped the top soil. You could see this because weeds didn't grow. They put the houses pretty quickly. Already the prefab methods where becoming more standardized. Architecture became a mass product.

Today trees have grown in those neighborhoods, making them comfortable, but it took decades for nature to get shaggy in the backyards. 

Once I was staying with my SIL's mother while my mentally ill brother was hospitalized. It was nice of her let me stay there. (Note to self. Write her and say thank you. ) She asked me to poison the dandelions that growing up in the cracks in the sidewalk. Why would you pour chemicals into the earth, into your own groundwater to make certain that no beautiful little flowers poked up? 

The housing in every country has its character. I get a feeling from for where you are living. Impressionism with words.

Ms GP,

It was I who got GP banned. I PM'd him that Conrad was banned and he went on and said something unPC. I think he knew he could get a ban but he was already posting less on TAM and probably wanted a break anyway.

Great to hear about the baseball.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Always nice to check in and see a new entry from Chuck on Crossroads II.
> 
> I know it was 4 days ago - I don't frequent TAM as much as I used to.
> 
> Your new book released yet?


true..... Conrad said you were juggling three 20something gals

powers that be have it now (publishers)

nothing's signed so I'm still a free agent

truth told, I'd rather publish it myself but that runs into $$$

Patience

I will post something on here soon, synopsis 

just hope a few females would read it and be very critical


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> true..... Conrad said you were juggling three 20something gals


Yeah, triplets right? 😁







Chuck71 said:


> powers that be have it now (publishers)
> 
> 
> 
> nothing's signed so I'm still a free agent
> 
> 
> 
> truth told, I'd rather publish it myself but that runs into $$$
> 
> 
> 
> Patience
> 
> 
> 
> I will post something on here soon, synopsis
> 
> 
> 
> just hope a few females would read it and be very critical



Well, if you are so inclined, post or PM the title. I'd love to buy it and read it.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Chuck,
> 
> The nostalgia. Are people worse than in the past? *YES*
> 
> I doubt it. But the norms of trust have sunken. How could it be otherwise if your own government, regardless of party, lies to you in matters of life and death. The mortgage crisis. Sickening.
> 
> Houses, home, property, land, condo, single family dwellings, duplexes – all of those ways of life, with both richness and sterility. The first place we lived was an red brick apartment complex by a busy throughway. The first two distinct memories of my life that I know happened and are not black and white photos that have been transplanted back into the memory were mom giving me a dripping sandwich, i.e., beef drippings from a roast spread thick on bread with salt and pepper. We're talking lard, pure evil fat. I was standing by the fridge and wolfed it down fast and asked for another. Today if a mother served her kid that, people would demand CPS do an investigation.
> *There is a problem within itself. Today everyone points out what is "wrong" but what do THEY do about it? Nothing....they call the CPS. God forbid we take it upon ourselves to look into things concerning us in the community. If this came up around here, another mom would fix the child a "healthy" sandwich and find out if the mom or dad were needing work. The citizens were the "CPS" ... they policed themselves, they thought for themselves. Today this still goes on but, as you said, more and more would just call the CPS and go on about their day as if it never happened. Eric Blair's Thought Police would have loved to have worked in this day and age*
> 
> 
> The other memory from that utterly rectangular complex was the sight of two young ******* guys dressing a big snapping turtle on concrete steps. It was pure gore: blood, decapitation, prying open the shell. Buckets to catch the insides. My mom was a country girl but from a place without any turtle soup. I wonder how long we watched?
> 
> We didn't live there long.
> 
> All the housing projects in that university town promoted sterility and lack of individuality. The bulldozers wrenched all the tree stumps out, leaving the land utterly naked, a clay landscape with giant shovel marks. They stripped the top soil. You could see this because weeds didn't grow. They put the houses pretty quickly. Already the prefab methods where becoming more standardized. Architecture became a mass product.
> 
> Today trees have grown in those neighborhoods, making them comfortable, but it took decades for nature to get shaggy in the backyards.
> 
> Once I was staying with my SIL's mother while my mentally ill brother was hospitalized. It was nice of her let me stay there. (Note to self. Write her and say thank you. ) She asked me to poison the dandelions that growing up in the cracks in the sidewalk. Why would you pour chemicals into the earth, into your own groundwater to make certain that no beautiful little flowers poked up?
> 
> The housing in every country has its character. I get a feeling from for where you are living. Impressionism with words.
> 
> 
> The government has so many hands in everything, there has to
> 
> be a number of bad branches. Some of them want money, some
> 
> power. Citizens are more apt to stand up to a county sheriff
> 
> than a bureau chief of the FBI. The government should fear the
> 
> people was believable in 1914, not 2014. When yeomen and
> 
> yeowomen have no chance to represent their area because
> 
> millionaire career politicians have a stronghold....there is a
> 
> problem. People took their government seriously several
> 
> generations ago, it was whom ran against whom, not the Red
> 
> vs. Blue. You were accountable, not anymore. We hear some
> 
> para-military groups screaming for a revolution. Won't happen
> 
> in this country...... enough people would have to give a damn
> 
> to execute one. Greed would buy most off if it actually began to
> 
> materialize. I can go on forever and it is depressing.
> 
> Its 7 in the morning and I already wouldn't mind a fifth of JD


----------



## Ms. GP

Dude, c'mon the depressed alcoholic writer is so played out. Go enjoy this beautiful spring day.


----------



## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> Dude, c'mon the depressed alcoholic writer is so played out. Go enjoy this beautiful spring day.


*EXCUSE ME*

you forgot ADHD, multiple personalitied, and OCD

:rofl:


----------



## Ms. GP

Ah Jeez, I take it back. Go drink. It must be exhausting to live in your brain! JK


----------



## Chuck71

Ms. GP said:


> Ah Jeez, I take it back. Go drink. It must be exhausting to live in your brain! JK


nothing beats low rent


----------



## Ms. GP

Touche.


----------



## LongWalk

Wonder how ReGroup is doing. With Conrad and Mavash gone... LostLove don't show no more. GP banned. Dis banned. TheDeceived banned. Shaggy banned (self imposed).

Feels like TAM is changing. Of course Elegirl, AnonPink and others are still posting away.


----------



## LongWalk

What do you make of this, Chuck? NCAA concussion lawsuits.


----------



## Chuck71

NCAA players bring revenue in for the colleges

college should provide disability and future earnings loss

insurance on every player. Why not, they're not getting paid.....

the NCAA and big schools have had cake and ate it too

time they went on a diet and ante up'd

a free education and insurance....it's a start

Chris Webber stated he, "Couldn't even afford a pizza,"

20 years ago. So a college as large as Michigan doesn't have a 

cafeteria? Doesn't provide pizzas? Prize recruit without a meal 

plan? C'mon, GTFOH

Stipend for play? Maybe.... but make at least 75% of it go for food

or clothing.


----------



## Chuck71

Sometimes we get flat out embarrassed at one time but after years pass, it's more funny than anything. Mom's way of letting me know she really likes urology gal is to tell my dirty little secrets from childhood. They are cute but you still have to lower your head in a bit of astonishment at what you did, some 35 years ago.

Mom's mom did not learn to drive until her dad passed away. From what I heard he tried to teach her a few times and.....she wrecked a few times. Anyways, she was driving me somewhere, I may have been four / five, and I asked her to stop at the store. She pulled in and asked me why I asked her to stop. "Momma don't have a pp and I bet we can buy her one here so she can stand up to pee." Granny almost rolled out of her station wagon laughing.

I bet I was the same age as above...it was Granny and me in the back seat. I think mom n pop were in the front. We went up a steep hill and it had a sharp descent. I leaned over to Granny, "I like when we go down big hills, it makes my pp tickle." Granny had to get pop to stop the car she was laughing so hard. Later on, I heard it was also for her to go to the bathroom, since she laughed so hard. 

UG's daughter has a relative who decided it was better to be a drug addict than a mother and, somewhere along the way, her and her husband decided to attempt to adopt him. They are young and have no children. UG has no experience with baby boys. I dated a girl with a young boy years ago and I would help her with anything but....diaper change. I heard the stories about me pp'ing on everyone when I was an infant. So mom's # is now on speed dial. As a former special ed teacher, I can tell there are some cognitive setbacks.
But he is young and it can be adjusted but it takes a lot of time and I know they're young. My fingers are crossed for them n him.

To wrap this up, I was working at a color lab right out of high school. My boss was a Nam vet and he told me, if I weren't such a crazy idiot, I'd fire you. We had trucks coming in every Tuesday and we would unload them. He was in a higher up's office and I saw an unexpected truck pull in. Had not clue what it was and I went up to inform him. "Okay, is it a paper truck, photo truck, or a supply truck?" Me...."Ummm... it's a big truck." The higher-up messed up her eye make-up she laughed so hard. He later told me, "You know I wouldn't fire you. You're crazy but funny. You might make something of yourself someday." 

My running buddy worked there (his mom got me the job) after I left to go to school. My ex boss saw me, asked if I was coming back. To be humorous, I said yes. "I'll have to start smoking pot again to deal with you." He was strict but fair. The good people die young. He died of cancer in 1993.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Wonder how ReGroup is doing. With Conrad and Mavash gone... LostLove don't show no more. GP banned. Dis banned. TheDeceived banned. Shaggy banned (self imposed).
> 
> Feels like TAM is changing. Of course Elegirl, AnonPink and others are still posting away.


no non-democratic group enjoys being threatened by people

who can think, outside the box and for themselves

Washington DC is often called a city with dum azzes

in fact, DC has extremely intelligent people who feed this

healthy dose of BS to us, the actual dum azzes

but Chuck, why you say that bout us?

who do we seem to trust more, the private sector or the gov't?

unemployment is 6%? tell me how it is calculated. I have an 

issue on how it is. Everything which comes out of their mouth is 

the same, with.........a tilted slant, to...suit their own needs.

If people were informed correctly or read up on this crap DC is 

sending, people like me would not have to preach to the choir

about what is going on.

GOP just passed a gun law allowing guns in Georgia bars

:rofl: why can I see funeral homes wetting their beak? 

Dems support atheists who are offended at church steeples 

:rofl: you live in a country that has more than any other country

seriously.... move if you're not okay with it.

I don't agree with the bastirdizashun of petrol prices

yet I don't see any GOP or Dems running to my aid


----------



## Chuck71

Who am I? Where did I come from? Where do I go when I die?

Three questions we always ask ourselves. Villanova has an excellent philosophy program. But we still have the same three questions. Eventful yet fleeting. 

Johnny Sain. Warren Spahn. Lew Burdette.

Spahn and Sain and pray for rain... old Boston Braves poem. Sain was an effective pitcher but lost his quality years to World War 2. Most noted for serving as pitching coach for teams which produced superstars under his watch. Groomed Leo Mazzoni, who turned the Atlanta Braves into a powerhouse on the mound for over ten years. Burdette single-handedly led the Milwaukee Braves to the 1957 World Series triumph over the New York Yankees. 

Spahn was pop's favorite and from 1947-63, the most dominate pitcher in baseball. 

I got into a bidding war on EBay for Spahn's 1952 Topps card. My adversary was a doctor in Texas but his wife was tired of his constantly purchasing baseball cards. I got lucky (thank you Mrs. Dr.) and won it for $75. It is in EX-MT / NM condition. I easily won Spahn's 1949 Leaf a year later for $55. I was amazed at how cheap it was. It is in EX-MT condition. But I was faced with a dilemma. After I learned I won it, I went into the hospital for double pneumonia. Thanks to mom following precise directions from ICU, she sent a money order for the card. No one like mom.

Lazy Dayz, Summer Haze, The One that Got Awayz

Summertime, where I live, is a special time. School is out and children are given free reign to imagine, pretend, and absorb. Summers used to be important to me. Somewhere along the lines, I was absorbed into society. I can match memories to any summer from 1980-97. After 1997, I'm a bit fuzzy. But that's what happens when you get married. Time and other things, seem to get blurred and before you know it "ten years have passed" aka Pink Floyd.
The first time I wrote, without fear, set me free. The voice of Kevin Arnold was a key factor. Somewhere rolling around in my head, is a script like The Wonder Years, just twenty years later. At work, I am called Munch. The Law and Order cynical person. But am I? I would like to think I am part Gideon and part Spencer from Criminal Minds...... but am I? A dream can not be considered a dream until someone classifies it as a dream. But when we get back to the subject of humanity..... I sometimes wish to back away, and think of..... those Lazy Dayz.

My 1st love is currently seeking a divorce. If I have not said it before, she is not the type to drag things out. Blunt, to the point, and bye bye. I'm the one she bounces her feelings off of, the where and whys. In a historical setting, I would love for us to get back together but, it just can't be. Of my three priors, she and I were the best match. The nights at the lake, making out in the car, etc. I hadn't a care in the world. Those were the days of Summer Haze.

Between the time of 1st and 2nd love, there was someone. She was a couple years younger than I. How we met was rather ironic. I was talking to a friend's friend friend. She wanted me to play a joke on a girl and, being a teen, I agreed. Long story short, I executed it perfectly. But I felt like an a$$ for doing it. Eventually, I let my conscience get to me and I called her. I told her everything and she knew who was behind it. We spoke, laughed, and realized.... we had similar interests.
Yes we started going out. I was infatuated with a girl from an accounting class at the university. I was honest with the younger girl and she respected me for it. But we were not a couple after I told her that. I went out with the other girl but saw nothing compared to "her". We dated after this but, she was gunshy of making a commitment and, I was too. I'm sure she felt I would go back to 1st love. I never did. Soon after, I met 2nd love and, that was that.
But of all the questions in my life, she will always be one. Was it timing or fate? We dated two months but I still recall her, nearly 25 years later. She is the one, I felt, got away.


----------



## Chuck71

As I am gathering a synopsis, one not akin to what I turned in to others, I caught something. I love old sitcoms from my childhood. My latest visual was Alf. Only a hand full of seasons, so it was no big deal. But one episode was missing. A Christmas episode....it was not shown with the other episodes on "Hub" network. It was, of course, listed several places for..... a fee. A Christmas special, for a fee. Okay, maybe it's just me.

There is a reason we all hold on to our visions of Christmas long ago. Utopian... why of course. This is a link to Alf's Christmas Special, 1987. If the link will not work, google what was mentioned and go to imdb link. It is free. After watching this, to me being a man is courage, valor, leadership and providing. After you view this, you must add crying. If any one is an atheist, this would lead me to more respect for your beliefs.

ALF Full Episode (ALF's Special Christmas) - IMDb


----------



## LongWalk

That link won't work in Sweden


----------



## Chuck71

not even the IMDB?


----------



## LongWalk

This video is not available in your country.


----------



## Chuck71

Somewhere off in the distance is a shimmering light, a portion of my soul, and a slice of DNA. My mother's mother had five children, four girls and a boy. The two older girls are also gone. Now her son joined her. There are two left, my mother and her younger sister. I always liked him because his name was Donald. Go figure.

He married long before I was a gleam in pop's eye one night. Three older children. One gone, two remaining. The one died of natural causes but, word was he died of OD, assisted by....the other two. Hmmm. The two remaining are certified Grade A world record holding F-ups. It takes special effort to be this bad.

Neither cared to see him when he was sick, in ICU, or in hospital room. But now that the will is being read..... yeah you get the story. My mom is PoA and, I recommended donating every penny to charity. We both hoped the nursing home would drain his cash before he died, how bad is that?

Whatever amount the two kids and one grandchild gets, it will be smoked, snorted, or shot in their arm. They're both around 50, they ain't changing. Neither is her son. My uncle was a 40 year raging alcoholic but..... with a wife who worked during the summer and quit when school started back....and three drug addicts.....I can see how it assisted in his demise.

But I remember........ damn those days gone by. He would record vacations on 8mm film and show it on the basement wall. I feel treasures to remember those days. He would baby sit me and watch me like a hawk. If I disobeyed simple orders, he would whip me. But he never wanted to, my actions made him do so. He was happy then, no knowledge of W, kids were still too young to be declared world class f' ups.

I was glad, yet sad, he died. He always wanted his family back. But they continued to use him for his wallet. Drinking was not the answer but that is how he coped. His generation, a man never shows any weakness. But he now has peace, for the first time in I would guess 40 years. If one goes to Heaven for caring, he made it with flying colors.

But there was a day, a day like no other day, as he sat on the porch, cooking hamburgers, as the family kids run amuck. There was his oldest sister, who died last year, with her four kids, her other older sister with her three. His younger sister, my mom...with a newborn (me), and his youngest sister, yet with child. It was a family thing then. Everyone came.....after their dad died, it ended. But everyone would gather at grandma's. She died, that ended.

Since then, the family was fractured. But it is, what it is. Progress? Not in the least. But I was a kid, what could I do? Rest well "Unkle Dawnald" Your mom n dad are waiting for you at the pier. It's good fishing weather today. Got your minnows ready?


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## zillard

Sorry to hear of your uncle's passing, Chuck. 

Likely time for a good bottle and a night at the lake, yeah.


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## Chuck71

I give my sincerest apologies for the delay in the synopsis. Between my uncle's death, mom's PoA issues, Chuck Noll's death and Tony Gwynn's.... I am at a more than loss for words. Add that with the paper I write for, ceasing existence after this month. The owner contacted each of us personally. I was the first, being I was the longest tenured person. From 1998 until now, I wrote his sports column and, other things. He did not mind if I wrote about other issues but, try to relate it to baseball or another sport.

The first time I wrote for him was for the May 1998 issue. Their first was the month prior. His wife was attempting to drum-up advertising and I offered my services as a sports writer. I gave her an article written in 1997 about Phil Niekro and the Hall of Fame. He hired me right on the spot that week. I was not as nervous as the previous paper I wrote for. In 1996, I began to write for the XXX News Weekly, or as I termed later, the XXX News Weakly. 

Due to the fact I did not have an email server, my articles had to be re-copied. I am sure it infuriated the employees. But they always were written on time and re-read as an any person. Why so? I was writing for a city I grew up in. My name was on the line. My picture was too. After editing out up to 50% of my original articles and demanding more than what the pay was worth, I politely resigned.

Roughly a year later, Pete and his wife found me. He allowed me to write on sports, however I saw fit. His free reign allowed me to grow as a writer. The owner will never admit this but, he gave me the freedom to blossom. Writing for him made my grad school papers seem, a bike ride in the park. 

A 10-page paper in 1994 was a scary thought, in August, due in November. In 2004, it was a one night's journey. What the owner gave me was the freedom, to realize, I had something to write. Something more than, just a sports article. He gave me the wings to set me free. I just did not know it yet, but I think he did.

I am competing a three book novel, the first two are complete, in the field of romantic tragedies. Each book entails around 200,000 words. Could I have completed this without writing for him, I seriously doubt it. He wants my last article to be, one just like the other but.....I can't. He had an effect on my life, that should not be dismissed. But in truth, if it was me, I would not want it either.

Maybe this is the point to where I go from the learner, to the teacher, to pass on the ideals of the written word. From my first article, The Team of the Ninety's, to my last...... In a normal setting, I had planned on a 100-year anniversary of the 1914 Miracle Boston Braves. That could have been written for any month this summer. Then Chuck Noll passed away. The architect of the Pittsburgh Steelers dynasty in the 1970's. 

Several days later, Tony Gwynn passed away. Gwynn was, along with Ripken, the first superstars I was able to watch their careers, from beginning to end. To say he died too young, is a grave understatement. So as my last article approaches, I would have an unusual log-jam. But in truth, I don't. Neither Noll, the Braves, nor Gwynn, gave me the ability to write. The last one is for you Pete. What you gave me, I can not repay but will, carry on.

I will send a link to the posters from my thread to the finale.


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## Chuck71

I decided to post it here..... it's a tribute to the owner. If it reflected upon him, he would not have printed it and called me a wuss.

Reflection 

It was a spring morning. Birds were everywhere and the smell of freshly cut grass were in the air. I glances at my car, a black 1996 Camaro, and wondered how long it was going to be before the pollen would stop. You could wash it Monday evening and by Tuesday afternoon... pollen was winning the color scheme. But all was not lost, it was baseball season and the home run mark was under siege.

A very well-dressed woman stopped in and had an accent which was very professional and.... British. She was drumming up advertising for a new local paper, The Pxxxx News. I obtained the prices and a copy of the first publication. I told her I would review the advertising prices and get back with her. As she was leaving, I mentioned I do a little writing. She was curious and I explained my previous experience with the Bxxx News Weekly (or as I coined it, the Badly News Weakly). 

I gave her a copy of an article I had written on Phil Niekro's Hall of Fame election. She told me, her and her husband would get back with me as well. Several days passed and I received a call from, Pete Exxx. He liked my article and asked me if I wanted to try a few columns with his paper. I accepted the offer and.. well.... here we are... the last edition of The Pxxxx News. It extended from a few articles to a sixteen-year journey. Anyone who knows me, is aware I believe more in the journey than the destination. The destination is defined by the journey.

I attended Cxxxx State after high school and successfully avoided having to write any term papers, minus Comp II. My first semester at UT-Chattanooga, I was told I would have to write one for a 300-level history class. A panic already set in. By the grace of God, the university did not have sufficient material for students to compile a comprehensive essay. The remaining semesters, I was not as lucky.

In the Fall of 1992, I took a World Literature class, lectured by Harry Dean. I was told by numerous other students, he was the best by far. They were exactly right. Before the semester was over, I found myself scribbling notes in the form of a play. Yet it was enjoyable to write "stories" as long as you did not have to show them to others. The problem which arose was... when you took 300 or 400 level history courses, you were required to turn in one.

When I read the syllabus of classes in January or August, the first thing I looked for was 'when in the crap was the paper due.' The paper usually consisted of 33% of the final grade. I can not count the times I had an A or B average but the paper dragged me down a letter grade. So.... yes, I detested writing. It was not the fact I could not write, it was the reality, I did not know how. 

For reasons I can not recall, I wrote for the BNW in 1996-97. It was a different setting for writing. It was not only you and the professor who knew what you wrote, it was the entire community. Your 3rd grade teacher will read it, your friends from school, your relatives. Due to a continuation of having articles edited, to the point of only sport savants would understand the missing piece, I respectfully resigned. A year as a writer....I did okay. I had stories published, mom got to save the first.... all that mattered. It wasn't like I could write professionally. That was far beyond my scope.

What I learned from Pete, through the early years, was I could write about anything I chose to.... just make it interesting for the readers. "Not everyone follows baseball as you do. Teach them the basics." In my opinion, I learned, "It is a gift to learn but almost a sin not to re-teach what one has learned." On one article, in 1999 I wrote about the deaths of Payne Stewart, Wilt Chamberlin, and Walter Payton. Personally, I was not happy about how I wrote it. Pete called me after it was published and gave several accolades about how it was written. Maybe it was a good article, you'd have to ask Pete.

When I made the decision to attempt graduate school, I was fearfully nervous. It was well-known you mostly write....papers. Pete will never admit this but, writing for this paper helped make writing papers in graduate school, relatively easy. Writing a 10 to 20 page paper, even in 2004, terrified me. Maybe it was the length then more than the content. With Pete and Lxxxx University, I was able to assist co-workers and friends write their papers for their school....their content with just a bit on structure.

As we venture into the final publication of The Pxxxxx News, I was over-whelmed with subjects to write about. Originally I had planned on a 100-year anniversary of the 1914 Miracle Boston Braves. But that could have went for any month of the summer. My beloved Pittsburgh Steelers architect, Chuck Noll, passed away recently. Then Tony Gwynn passed away, way too soon. I have to remind myself, I watched Jim Kaat pitch for St. Louis in the early 1980's. He is now in his mid-seventies. Time will not stand still for me, that's for sure.

So......xxx xxx....what did you take from all these years of writing for Pete? I learned I had the ability to write. Not about anything or everything but... certain things. I would not have ever ventured out and wrote a three book novel in the area of romantic tragedy, without my experience with Pete's paper. Pete will never admit he did more for me than I did for him, but that is the truth. But if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't either.

The paper will live on through the many writers for The Pxxxx News. To me, writing is therapy. It can either cure or sooth many ills. I will continue to write monthly columns. Where they will go, I have no clue. Maybe Pete won the lottery and will buy a major liberal newspaper. Need a sports editor? You would have to ask Pete.

The person drumming up advertisers, back in 1998 was Alexandra xxxxx. Very polite but direct. I told Pete she was very pretty. Maybe that is why he offered a place to write for him. "You'd have to ask Pete."


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## Chuck71

Roughly one month after my uncle's death, everything has headed towards probate court. The court set a date, this weekend, for the two remaining children to obtain anything they wanted out of their father's home. By common sense, neither will show up. Anything worth $5 has been stolen by these two. The court indicated, anything removed before this date needs to be returned. Yeah... scales of justice... have fun with that.

My mother and aunt will meet the degenerates this weekend. Myself and my aunt's son will come by after they leave with our trucks. If there is anything left our moms want, we can haul it. Anything left no one wants, Habitat will stop by and get. Even if..... there is any items remaining, I doubt they would come by. But I had a thought..... neither one of his two remaining children can stand to be in the same room or house at the same time. Therefore if one thinks the other will get something worth forty-seven cents, they go ballistic. 

I have decided, without mom's knowledge to show up with my truck, at the designated time. Neither of them (degenerates) have a truck to haul anything in. I hope one asks me to haul something for them. "Well.... I would have been happy to but.... I am not in agreement with you (both did) calling up my mother and cussing her. If you want to cuss anyone, try me." My uncle's son..... he would have to hit me first.... but yes, he would be in severe pain. The daughter, the one my uncle admittingly said was a wh0re, is similar to her brother...... all mouth. Sadly, I'd give anything to be a drag queen that day for about fifteen minutes..... with long sharp fingernails.

Both of his kids have went into his home and stole items. It is not their home but at one time, my uncle gave each a key. Criminal thugs know the law. It is not considered theft if they were given a key. My mom asked me, "Do you think brother knew how sorry his kids were?" I am most certain he did. You still love your kids, even if they are thugs. Mom would help me if I were a drug addict but there would come a point where she would use 'tough love.' She would come see me in jail but would tell me, point blank, I needed to be there to clean yourself up.

As I have stated previously, my mom's family was close until Papaw and Granny died. Pop was the black sheep of his family 
(shocker lol) and pretty much cut ties with his back in the 1960's and 1970's. Outside of mom, I actually have no close family. Sure if I had car trouble or needed a lift, there are some who would help. But so would a friend from work, or a friend from school. 

Whatever was done or said with each family, was done decades ago. It is what it is. The urology gal's family is very close. Maybe that is why I view her family, as "odd." Z..... your family is very close, I am, in some ways jealous.


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## LongWalk

Great post.

If you save these posts, you can put this in to book form.


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## Chuck71

Much to my dismay, as the day came... the two children of my uncle, were civil. They even conspired to milk $10 from my aunt to get "rat poison." Whatever they returned with was a $2 job and enough beer on their breath to catch the attention of a cop. Since my uncle's son was older than his sister, he declared, 'he was older and he should get first choice!' I swear, I am not making this up.

Uncle's son knows the next door neighbor. Uncle's daughter is staying at the house to clean it up, paint, maybe to stay or sell. Son offers to give neighbor a bag of weed if she stirred chit with his sister. Police are called, mom and her sister were called by his daughter. I just happened to be at mom's when call came and I told her, 'I will take you over there but I will bring you back too. I will not leave you there.' Drama 201.... uncle's daughter was yelling to the cop, "I will pop a cap in her arse in a New York Minute." Again, I can't make this stuff up. By the way, she was drunk and had taken a handful of Xanex when she said that! Now you see why I disowned some of my family decades ago. Being the Chuck I am though, I posted a message on FB to her page, "You been listening to Don Henley lately?" 

Uncle's daughter accepted my friend request a few weeks ago. Shocker to me. But she posts what she is doing every single minute. Maybe she thinks I am not close to my mom anymore. Well..... I ran with that! Trivial.... yes, but when my 70 y/o mom is involved, I make it my business.

Now....... the great part! My aunt has a phone that does texts, FB, etc. Urology gal (UG) does too. UG sends my aunt jokes, girl stuff..... whatever. UG was showing mom what all the phone would do and I mentioned showing my aunt's child page. He is roughly six years younger than me. He is going through a messy D and I told him, take it to TAM, you get great support. I would never let on, we are related. They had two kids and her family is very well-to-do and my cousin, he kinda turned into a "yes man."

When UG was showing my mom how to use the phone, I mentioned 'look where xxx (aunt's son) is working.' His employment was a porn industry. Okay.... fast forward to a couple days ago. My mom and her sister talk and do things together. They are very close. Aunt shared with mom, her son placed a $3k charge on her CC last month. Aunt is helping him out through the D and child support, etc.

A few days ago, aunt told mom her son placed a $12k charge on her CC. Mom told her sister about the porn job. Aunt confronted her son about it and....aunt busted mom out for telling and......................... mom ratted me out to her sister and my aunt ratted me out to her son that.... I am the one who started this! Really? Cousin runs up $15k on his mom's card and I am blamed because I made a funny comment about his job status on FB? Seriously?

For him to slam $15k in a month and $12k at one time, he is either got a serious drug or gambling problem, or he is buying some very exotic p***y. But yes, I end up being the a-hole for "ratting" someone out. He de-friended me on FB, without saying one word to me.

This is the guy I loaned money to when he was in high school and college (always repaid), helped him out with women issues, gave $ advice and.... I get this. I almost send him a message saying, "If this is the way you wish to handle things, as a child, then to me, you are one. Get back on your mama's tiddy and forget you ever knew me."

But I did not. I am owed an apology from, actually all three. But from him, I will treat him as I did my step-son. An apology goes a long way and until I hear it, do not beckon my door or phone.

Family is like poke salad.... they're only any good a couple times a year.


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## Chuck71

First book done'd. I do want to update everyone on my uncle's house sell. Once you hear it, you will have to admit...you can't make this stuff up.

I would also wish to update things with UG. I have to say, with a degree of sadness...it does not appear as if things are going to work out. The jury is out but it does not look promising at all.

We all live, we all learn. But we all seem to watch the same program.

I would like to thank everyone for offering feedback to the synopsis. Some I halfway knew, others I should kick myself in the ass for not recognizing it, when it was being written. 3rd person technical papers are much easier...but God....sooooo boring.


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## LongWalk

Sorry to hear UG is not working out.


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## Chuck71

My apologies for the absence of updates. As for my uncle's home....well, it was a wild ride. His daughter knew her rights and since she had a key, she could not be told to leave, by my mother. To get her out, one would have to go through the eviction process. During this time, mom showed her temper several times. It was no shock to me..she is a mother but if you stir her nest, run for cover. 
At first UNCLE's D, was glad she was going to fix the place up some (lie) and attempt to purchase it (fable). She does not work...well she cleans houses for older men. Draw your own conclusions guys. After dealing with her lies long enough, mom had the lights and water turned off. She stayed, called mom everything "but a white woman." My uncle's daughter proceeded to "victim speak" to anyone who would listen. 

The lawyer mom hired, she was not aware at the time, left his nads somewhere. He did serve her with an eviction and after her ten day appeal, she was evicted by the police. Luckily mom (and her sister) was notified of this and were there when it took place. She now finds some form of peace. A few notes on my uncle's daughter...had a child stillborn from crack use, had a girl and she abandoned her and her husband in mid-90s, smoked pot with her first child when he was 13. 

All that is left is the distribution of funds. For some reason, my uncle's daughter thinks her father had $500k. Far from the truth...less than 20% of that. Only time she came to see her father was when everyone thought he was going to die. She once posted on FB she was going to get "a pair of double Ds and a bass boat" with her money from 'daddy'. 

He had four sisters who...talked amongst each other frequently. The older two were ultra close, as were the younger two (mom was third girl). My uncle had no one to discuss anything with. And "back then" guys were not "allowed" to. So he took up the solace of the bottle. He had a wife who was the town wh0re with other women and three kids...every one of them complete f'ups. Eventually I helped mom understand "the whys of why he drank." 

It was not excusable but definitely understandable.
Currently, the house was sold at auction and went for more than I thought it would. My uncle's daughter found out the buyer's number and is harassing her. I am hoping she (in real estate) will file a RO and put her arse in jail. Forty years ago, the family was not as this.....sad.

Whether my uncle's daughter hires a lawyer to probe into the 
distribution of money remains to be seen. Mom has all the receipts and justification of the pay outs. She may get a push-up bra and a rowboat but nothing near what she thought. I recommended mom to fire the attorney and hire another. This would tie up the money further and the lawyers would get more of it. Sad isn't it? Wanting to give a lawyer money....

On a lighter note, I just saw Derek Jeter's last game at Yankee Stadium. It was the most emotional game I watched since Cal Ripken's 1995 2131 game. I even chatted about it with Yoda (Conrad). Jeter was the first baseball player I respected and was...younger than me (by about two years). I still hold Mike Schmidt, George Brett, Jim Kaat, Dale Murphy in un-Earthly regards. Call it a carryover from my youth. Well it's the way I want to remember them.

As for the UG, I have not spoke much on her. I feel it should not be in this thread. This one, I feel, is for reflections but....I did say I would speak of the good and bad points of LAD experience. I guess I will expand upon our background soon and bring it up to date. We had a talk Sunday...and I enforced my boundaries. Most of it was over money and quality time. The one thing that gets under her skin is my calming nature when I tell her she can leave anytime she wants if she does not respect my boundaries. 

"Why do you have to be so upset?" "I am simply stating my boundaries. You are the one upset and are projecting this unto me." "Why did you say that?" "Well I sure did not say this to hear my arse roar." Yes another "popism"


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## Chuck71

I wanted to elaborate more on UG and I. I tried to list the where, what, when, why. But I can't. I can't because...I don't care enough to. That probably sums up everything. All I know is she is getting "bugs in her ear" from everyone from...her daughter, her mother to...her co-workers. Sorry but I don't date her daughter, mother or co-workers. I set my boundaries. And I can already see I may very well have to enforce them again soon. So be it.

The one thing that has turned me against anything future with her is....I wanted to have a child. I realized, by accident, she was back on the pill. Never said one word to me about "thinking about it" or "I'm getting on them." Does this mean she is being sexually active with others? I don't know...and I honest to God, don't care. Unless God parts the oceans and tells me, 'dude, don't be a hardazz," our sex life is over. And yes...at my choice. I have relegated to sleeping in the guest bedroom. Sound familiar? It's all over but the announcer giving play by play.

GutPunch was a math and science guy, he always liked "it is what it is." And this is...just that. If we had any remoteness of working things out, I would have given background. At this point, I think it is worthless. So was this a rebound? Depends upon how it is viewed. In the absence of affection, I realized, I write more. I have wrote a lot recently. 
Currently the only people who know this is my mom, my X (who did not believe it), my best friend (female) / IC and...Conrad. I was molested by one of pop's business partners. Just touching but.....

Mom told me pop would have killed him if he knew. But who would have believed a 10/11 year old kid. Pop's friend was very smart and calculating. He had a 19 y/o druggie boy with him. He was about 5'7 and 400 pounds and had more money than I had ever seen. Guess how he got the boy. Guess what he did to the boy. Guess how he got / tried to... get me. 

My X made a comment, "For baseball cards you'd sleep with anyone for them. You love them more than me." After that remark, well....she was probably right. This was the first brick, in my case, from the Wall.


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## zillard

Sorry to hear about ug, Chuck. one thing that stuck out to me... you sleeping in the guest room. During in house separation I took the couch. I vowed I wouldn't do that again in the R. Sometimes, during arguments, I have to retire for the night before I'm ready to, simply to claim my own bed. But I do. I get backlash for "banishing" her, but so be it. If there is contention, we obviously don't see eye to eye. That should never be a reason for me to give up my bed in my house. If she isn't comfortable with the situation, she can sleep in the guest room. Or crawl into my bed with me. Which isn't me conceding, but her. Regardless if she vocalized it or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee

There just isn't a good reason for taking the couch. 

One reason we do it passive aggressive the other is weak. Neither are good. 

Chuck, why do you stay with UG?


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## Chuck71

I do not log as many hours in mid-semester as I do in the beginning and end. I'm a night owl and like to sit on the deck outside. I leave the pool filter on all winter, just for the sound. It's like fishing...it's my form of a Valum. UG goes to bed early and I have no problem being in my childhood bedroom. It helps me reflect upon certain things. If I viewed it as something of value, yes I would simply...take the bedroom. 

When I hit my black hole day with my now X in December of 2012, the first thing I did was re-claim the bedroom. I would pull out old porn VHS tapes from the 1980's and stick them in. I left the sound up and, of course, she found some reason to walk by...God only knows what she expected to see (gasp!) but there I would be...laying on the bed...either reading a baseball price guide or a book. I hope she saw what she was hoping to find (smiles).

There is no hate or animosity between UG and I. I still care about her. But...the couples thing is not happening. I refuse to allow it. We are roommates now. She pays xxx for rent, lights, water. I pay my share and as far as food...if one of us is hungry, buy your own food. I spoke with Conrad about this, at length, last year. I am not surprised at all, things came to this. UG can advance through certain parts of a relationship extremely well but when it reaches a certain level, she goes cold. The result is one of two...she is scared to make those last leaps or she has never learned how to conduct herself in a long term relationship (yes she was married before, more than once). I'm not Mr. Fixer....I can't teach her how to love on a higher level...that is something she has to do herself. 

I reached a point where I am no longer going to try and work on the relationship (yes I made it a point to tell her face to face). She can try and step it up but, as I told her...it will most likely be too late. I can kick her out and her have to move back in with her parents until she can find a place. If I wanted things to progress, I would kick her out immediately. But I don't care anymore. Exact opposite of what most would do....but how do most of those turn out???

I'm at the point where for the next two years, I will not have any time available for a relationship (yeah sure...pull my finger it plays jingle bells). She can stay for a while if she chooses, I will not kick her out on the streets. I wasn't raised that way. She does not wish to move in with her parents. At 43, I can't blame her. With her over-meddling father, I can strongly see why. When we first met, she told me her family put the "dis" in dysfunctional. She was not kidding. Onward I go....."With or Without You."

I know this should be said. One book I have been working on is where the RFID chip is mandated by the US government in 2021. There was an upsurge in child abductions the several years leading up. Conspiracy theorists speculate it was fabricated by the government to gain access to the every day movement of its citizenry. Just like they did with auto-GPS, cell phones, computers, debit cards. Food for thought!

The other is the first five years of my adventure with Window Cork (again, thanks Conrad). Most was good, some was bad. It begins, of course, when we met and ends with me at the attorney's office ready to file divorce papers. The reflection has been filled with lots of laughter. The song "Raise your Glasses," from Kiss comes to mind. It was on the only album with the original four together since the late 70's. My former step son and I would jam to it very often. 
No....there is no way on Earth I would consider any type of R with WC. To put it in perspective, the year I would consider this is the year the Chicago Cubs win the World Series (sorry Tom). When I am 110% done, it does not hurt to reflect. To relish in the great times...and be aware where you should have handled things differently.

The porn tapes from the 1980's....pop bought out an adult book store in early 1989. Movies and "toys." I was able to sell some for him, to my high school friends. My running buddy, anything he did, I did and anything I did, he did...helped me with selling them. We would have to watch them to figure out what type of price to put on them. One...I'm sorry but it was not porn. It was but we ended up on the carpet laughing. There were three left unsold. One was the hilarious one. I even showed the funny one to WC after we met. She agreed and to beat it all.....she noticed that the female farted during filming and the guy raised his head in disgust. My running buddy and I completely missed that! The other two, I would show in the bedroom during our "in house separation." 

The toys....were sold or gave away. Except for one.... it resembled Lawrence Taylor's forearm. I would use it at parties. The last time I used it was last year, on my birthday. There was a 16x24 picture of me made...in I guess, 1976. I think mom had the bi-centennial theme going. Anyway...it hangs above my computer table and I placed the "horse dingy" against my picture. It was v
ery entertaining. Yes UG's parents were there and.....so was mom. Sorry but if you can't have a sense of humor, I pity that person.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSdTa9kaiQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_fq-x1k6O4


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## LongWalk

The way you write about UG make me feel sorry for her. She is messed up and is not at the age which is easy to fix. Now that you are sort of broken up she may start trying to be friendly. Maybe you end up friends.

Does eating together make you both uncomfortable?


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## Chuck71

Her parents just celebrated their 40th anniversary. But they are not happy. UG shared this with me early on and if you know what to look for...she was right. UG wants the 40 year mark but wants to be happy. But she does not comprehend it takes a lot of work. A job does not define a M, nor do your FB friends. In reflection, I don't know what she enjoyed more, us doing something together or her posting what we did to her friends. I guess she is just waiting for me to cheat so she can squat it the victim chair. 

At this point into our relationship...we are light years away from where WC and I were at this time. Maybe the first handful of years with WC was my ascent to the highest mountain. My 2nd love was much deeper than the 1st, my 3rd (WC) was much deeper than the 2nd. The 4th (UG) never came close.

I eat at the table and she eats in the den. We rarely eat at the same time anymore. Some time back...we always ate together. Yes it is closer to the tele but she can easily position her phone to interact on it while she eats. There are several things on the tele we both enjoy and she prefers we watch them together. Several minutes into the episode...she is on the phone, texting or whatever. I get up and return to the kitchen table and turn on my laptop. When she stops, I return. It's not rocket science. My X had that problem....when I brought it to her attention, she stopped for a good while. UG...just does not get it.

Why do you say, why UG does not get it? From her own explanation...she had gotten married because, 1-she got pregnant, 2-she wanted to save him, and 3-she was lonely. We have been together for almost two years. She made the comment she had never been with someone this long without being married. I always considered two years the minimum before getting married. WC and I were together about 22 months. At this point, I have no desire at all....to get married. I won't even open a joint account with her. Her budgeting strategy and mine are not on the same page.

When her marriages began to get shaky, she just ignored everything as did the guys. The result...hubby #1 cheated with his daughter's pre-K teacher (they're still together...shocks me), hubby #2 turned into a raging alcoholic and cheated with his first wife..and returned to her, and hubby #3 left her after he got involved with his now wife. When she first disclosed this info, she admitted she played a part in each one going bad. About a year later, it was completely their fault. I know that pattern....re-writing history. 

I modeled the behavior I expected. It worked for...maybe close to eighteen months. WC modeled what behavior she expected from me early on. UGs birthday is this week. I don't mind taking her out but she wants her family there too. Which means her dad will be there...he just says what is on his mind. So do I. UG knows I have no desire to be around him. UG knows I don't start crap but I don't take it either. I am considering just backing out of the birthday and offer to take her out the next evening. I have to remind myself, 'what would a friend do?' 


I will add this at a later date but I had a weird dream. It was not about WC or UG.


----------



## Chuck71

Well.....it's officially over. UG will be moving out ASAP. No cuss fight, no animosity. She still wants to be friends. We all know how that goes....don't we?

A HUGE thanks for *you know who* for listening to me. I owe you one.


----------



## Ceegee

Glad it went well.


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## Chuck71

LOL......it didn't. will update later.


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## ButtPunch

It is what it is.


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## Chuck71

she didn't move mountains but she moved several large hills

as Bear Bryant would say, "Let's see some effort out there"

sitting at 50k feet observing....


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## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> she didn't move mountains but she moved several large hills
> 
> as Bear Bryant would say, "Let's see some effort out there"
> 
> sitting at 50k feet observing....


I say that almost every football practice. Effort is everything.


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## LongWalk

Wonder how ReGroup is doing?


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## Chuck71

As with how my X and I's final weeks leading up to D went down, I kind of already know how this will turn out. But this is a teaching moment. 

On a lighter note, while working some on my X and I's first five years short story. I recalled a very humorous episode. X's friend was telling us about a friend of hers. Came to find out, it was the woman I had dated about a year before X and I met. 

X asked me..you know her? yes....did you date her? yes.... did you duck her? yes...(smiling)..... who in this town haven't you ducked? I felt giddy inside....... 

I think what got X's goat was....the fact I was not even a year old when she graduated high school.


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## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> As with how my X and I's final weeks leading up to D went down, I kind of already know how this will turn out. But this is a teaching moment.
> 
> 
> 
> On a lighter note, while working some on my X and I's first five years short story. I recalled a very humorous episode. X's friend was telling us about a friend of hers. Came to find out, it was the woman I had dated about a year before X and I met.
> 
> 
> 
> X asked me..you know her? yes....did you date her? yes.... did you duck her? yes...(smiling)..... who in this town haven't you ducked? I felt giddy inside.......
> 
> 
> 
> I think what got X's goat was....the fact I was not even a year old when she graduated high school.



This post just reminded me of something I hadn't ever realized. 

I met my X at a party I was throwing in college. We talked all night and had a great time. When her friends wanted to leave I asked for her number. 

She wrote it on my hand. 

As I read it, I realized I knew that number. I had been calling it for the previous few weeks to talk to another girl. 

Well, we started dating and kept it from her roommate. 

Roommate and I only went out once. It wasn't a big deal for me (we never ducked) but I can see how it could get in the way of a friendship. 

It just strikes me now, after her infidelity, how she kind of got off on having this secret relationship.


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## Chuck71

CG......now you see why I take so many trips to the lake :rofl:

I missed the college girls thing, being I was dating 2nd love most of those years. When we were not together those years, I would date women in their 30s (I was in early 20s). But looking back....I'm glad I missed the college girls. The 30somethings had their own place, were straightforward, no games, appreciated a compliment when given. God....those were the days!!!


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## Ceegee

I can see your point of view. College girls are all games and drama. 

However, late teen and early 20 year old have their, umm, "points" too. 😉

First girl I met during separation was 25. I'm 42. 

We had little in common but the attraction was there. With maturity I was able to put the brakes on.


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## Chuck71

42 here as well. Girls are very mature (for most part) from 14-19. I usually see the majority hit the "who am I" phase from 20-28. I see a return of maturity around 32 (most, not all...these ages vary, especially if they are mothers). 

If I ask a girl if they like Led Zep or Pink Floyd...and get a 'who are they' reply......I run


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## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> 42 here as well. Girls are very mature (for most part) from 14-19. I usually see the majority hit the "who am I" phase from 20-28. I see a return of maturity around 32 (most, not all...these ages vary, especially if they are mothers).
> 
> 
> 
> If I ask a girl if they like Led Zep or Pink Floyd...and get a 'who are they' reply......I run



Some may laugh at using music as a gauge of compatibility. I do not. 

I do not. 

Genres, if not bands, are important.


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## Chuck71

thanks to my degree it is very easy to read people when your head is not clouded. plus pop taught me many cues to pick up on, men and women, if you are doing business with them or....dating them.


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## ButtPunch

You guys are old. I'll be 42 tomorrow.


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## Chuck71

awww poor schit! yadhtriB yppaH


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## Chuck71

I can pretty much sum everything up with one paragraph. She is scared to death. Everyone in her past has hurt her or used her. I am guilty of neither. My one mistake was not rocking the boat sooner. I refuse to pay for any sins committed against her in the past by others. I am not Mr. Fixer, that is her issue and she has to come to terms with them. I am seeing effort but not what I want to see. If she wants to ride the fence....I will remove the fence. But Chuck....how do you know you're doing the right thing? Her daughter called me and apologized for her mom. She also chewed her mom out.


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> I can pretty much sum everything up with one paragraph. She is scared to death. Everyone in her past has hurt her or used her. I am guilty of neither. My one mistake was not rocking the boat sooner. I refuse to pay for any sins committed against her in the past by others. I am not Mr. Fixer, that is her issue and she has to come to terms with them. I am seeing effort but not what I want to see. If she wants to ride the fence....I will remove the fence. But Chuck....how do you know you're doing the right thing? Her daughter called me and apologized for her mom. She also chewed her mom out.


We all act, or choose inaction, due to fear to some extent. When that happens, does it violate boundaries that you have effectively communicated? If so, does she recognize that and put effort toward correcting that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk

UG has a daughter?


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## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> UG has a daughter?


Yes....spoke on them last year. She is 22 and married. Lives about 50 miles away.


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## Chuck71

zillard said:


> We all act, or choose inaction, due to fear to some extent. When that happens, does it violate boundaries that you have effectively communicated? If so, does she recognize that and put effort toward correcting that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm getting the "you broke up with me" spill now. Won't work...when someone disrespects me, I refuse to allow it. When I state if things had kept on the way they were....each building up The Wall, it would not have ended pretty at all. She agrees with this.

As for effort, just showing up doesn't cut it. I know what she is capable of. I laid everything out...what I expected. When she does not live up to her agreement, I react accordingly. Due to me "going into town all "fixed up" I am being accused of having a female on the side.

Not true at all. I have been accused of this several times. I ask what have I done to make you think this. No reply. 

Whatever reasons she thinks this, is not my problem. Just because others have cheated on her gives her no right to accuse me. Why would I decide to try and work things out if.....I was getting involved with someone else?


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## zillard

No, just showing up is not effort. I agree. Especially if you live together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

She admitted she was shutting down. She noted she was not aware of it until I pulled back. When I mirrored the behavior she exhibited and it did not get any notice....I decided it was time for a sit-down. She avoided it, I had no choice but to blow it up.

After our chat this morning.....all chats on my part are C,F,D..... I received a call from her apologizing. I thanked her for it. She indicated she does not know what is wrong with her. My reply... I know what you are capable of.

I will not compromise my principles.


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> She admitted she was shutting down. She noted she was not aware of it until I pulled back. When I mirrored the behavior she exhibited and it did not get any notice....I decided it was time for a sit-down. She avoided it, I had no choice but to blow it up.
> 
> After our chat this morning.....all chats on my part are C,F,D..... I received a call from her apologizing. I thanked her for it. She indicated she does not know what is wrong with her. My reply... I know what you are capable of.
> 
> I will not compromise my principles.


Oh, I think she probably noticed. Just didn't own it. 

Now she's acknowledging, but that's still a step under ownership and maintenance (which comes before mods and enhancements).


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## Chuck71

hence minimal effort. I can not accept that. If.....if I did....that would set a precedence for future strife. And we all know where that leads....don't we?

I honestly think (I may have even told her this) it will take her having to move out before she "owns" it.


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## zillard

That was true with X. And now... 

She does better than before. I can't argue that. But it's definitely not a switch. It's a process. Firm boundaries helps that, but there will always be future strife, with anyone. 

It comes down to what you can live with while still smiling in the mirror.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

X gave you a child and 9 great years...and the f'ed up last year. We have no kids, dated since January '13. Conrad said it best.... you have to bring your A game. If someone can't bring that for you.... you will never be happy. All I ask is what she has proven to be capable of.


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## Chuck71

In a 110% unexpected moment, I received a situation very similar to the one I placed WC in when she was reaching as the D final approached. This one with UG was....not expected at all. But gave a great deal of clarity. I may post a rant, just to get it off of my chest. I am not going to go to UG and spell it out. But if she comes to me with it, I will lay everything out. No she won't like it. Remind me to GAF. If she does not bring the "moment" up...my actions will tell the story.

No there was no cheating. As for anyone wondering about the situation with WC. Go back to my Crossroads Sink or Swim blog. It was around mid-January 2013. And it was all over..... an electric bill.


Rocky 4 training - YouTube


----------



## LongWalk

UG doesn't really want to be single, or maybe she does?


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## Chuck71

LW.... when the Rocky 4 soundtrack is playing....... I will be just fine.

That was what I worked out to after the botched surgery in 1988. Never walk again....if so with a cane, mental capacity of a 10 / 12 year old, require semi-care from parents / caregivers rest of my life.

I chose not to believe, then believe... and achieve. 

As far as UG....I pretty much know the outcome and the possibilities. I'm fine with either way it could possibly go. 

You and I were speaking on LL77s thread. I mentioned some guys will want to work things out and put up with some BS for awhile. Then comes a day when it reaches...no more. He turns and walks away.


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## Chuck71

Two Years

It's not a long period of time. Looking back...it seems like a blip. My first Two Years of junior high (middle school for the later generation) were boring, uneventful, and mentionless. Even in my marriage... Two Years could run together. I can list the main topics of 2003-04 but not too much else. Two Years can change things dramatically. My summer of 1987 was my "coming of age." The summer of 1988 was the worst nightmare I had ever faced. The summer of 1989 was a "rite of passage," first real job, car, serious girlfriend, etc. Boy I thought I was a grown-up then! :rofl:

Roughly the Two Years compiling the Fall of 2009 to 2011 were enlightening but....disturbing. The marriage was in a moderate but declining mode. I want to say...we had no problem communicating; we had problems communicating our.... problems. It went both ways.... as close to 50 / 50 as you could get. We envisioned being together forever, so maybe we can work on things... next week, next month. In the Fall of 2009, I was teaching at an at-risk school in a large city, "an inner city school." I came with exemplary recommendations. The hiring process was to take two weeks. After one head honcho realized I worked for a close friend and called them...I was hired the next day.

In my work, I know nothing but 110%. Pop drove that in my head young. At this job, I was given high expectations. I welcomed the challenge. They asked me to give 20. I gave 25. They then wanted 27. Halfway through the year, due to the amount of stress, I suffered a PNES seizure. My brain tumor was removed in early 1988. I had not had any since removal. It was, as the old term was used, a grand mal. All the years I had petit mal as a child, I never had the "big" one. My mom was there when it occurred. Mom saw firsthand most of mine as a child. She was able to convey to the doctor the difference. There we were in the ambulance, I was half coherent as WC was blabbering to the driver... "he has a masters, is a sports editor, runs a baseball card company...etc" and all I could do was tell the guy in the back, "please tell her to STFU."

I am bull headed, as my mom is and, as was pop. As I grew older, I did learn you can take things too far... so pick your battles. I refused to take the medication the neurologist prescribed. I had never forgot what it did to me as a teen. I knew the seizure was different from the others, being I have read and studied it since childhood. WC begged and pleaded with me to take the meds. After she put up a helluva fight, I relented. I coughed it up and spit it in the trash later but....it took a woman with an immeasurable amount of love...to talk me into not saying, "pour the pills down the sink, I ain't doing it." Mom couldn't.....but WC did. Yes this is the same WC. There were times, she amazed the schit out of me. She admitted the same of me. 

I could not drive a motor vehicle for six months. But I had to work. Bill collectors do not give two schits what you face. So for a five month period, I had to be chauffeured to work by WC or my mom. Talk about being pizzed to the eighth power. I realized, you can only give to your work, what you are capable of. Nothing more....if you feel in your heart, you are giving 110%, you should not have to do more. When you work 8-4 but spend five hours a night doing "work at home" for your work... is that a life? At least if you were a farmer, you could see and reap the benefits. On your OWN terms.

After my MiL died, I went way out of my way to be considerate of WC. After the episode above, WC did me as well. Fast forward a year to the Christmas Eve 2010. This area had not seen a White Christmas in nearly 50 years. We knew it was coming....I was watching It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve (tradition...even watched it in 2012 at mom's). WC and I had taped about 15 cartoons from our childhood centered around Christmas. The next morning....she woke me up at 5AM and.... snow on the ground. Few inches already. We watched the cartoons and played in the snow. That day.....would rank in the top 10 best days we ever had together. This was roughly 6 weeks after she had to kick her son out of the house for theft and drug use. We were both in agreement, especially me, but he was my step son. She wanted to be the one to do it and....I understood. In the end, WC did a better job than I could have.

Yes this was the same person who was involved in an EA three years earlier. Fast forward another year and.... it was late 2011. I started post-grad school and was lecturing. WC's son was guilt tripping her into moving back home. During the year, I heard nothing from him about the stolen items in the house. To move back in, he would have to deal with me. He wouldn't. He would challenge me and of course, I stated, 'you feel froggy....jump kid.' I explained to WC he was wanting her to take sides. And if she chose him, I completely understand but....he will not reside in this house.

Fast forward a year later and we have 2012. The DDay...the End Game. Funny how things can turn out. We never thought the other would give up so....we let things lie...way too long. Maybe a few late night coffee filled chats every month would have solved things. She could drink a pot of coffee and go right to sleep. I would take 3 Ambein and still be, wide awake.

Which leads me to.....Two Years since I joined TAM. Rarely do you find a board where you can make a bond that...I would like to think...could carry on ten years later, without speaking. I have met a few guys who were roughly halfway between my age and pop's age. They have insight that would probably match pop's 99% of the time. One is Yoda (Conrad). We have spoken outside of TAM. For the other guys I consider my "core" from TAM, each one dealt with infidelity. I don't know if mine did or not but, in the end....it did not matter. Walking out on me was the ultimate betrayal. She played home and gone for a few weeks and then came home, every night. The very day before she came home, I hit my low point. I came out with boundaries. She tried to talk to me about everything but.....the marriage. After a few weeks of this, I left. I stepped out of the clouds and saw the light. Clouded still...yes, but sure of my choices....yes more.

I was able to see several people (Conrad, Mav, 3Strikes, HM64) give sound advice to people in much worse shapes than I ever was. But when you are going through a divorce, yours is the worst imaginable. Isn't it? I met someone completely by chance and...we lasted until recently. The ending has yet to be written but...my ending has, rest is up to her. A Rocky IV soundtrack waits for no one.

UG and I have had some wonderful times. But as pop would say, "It's not what have you done for me but what have you done for me lately?" 

WC was the reason I came to TAM. If we had never divorced, I'd have never ventured here. If I knew WC had cheated, I'd never be here. Why would I? Cheating is a deal breaker. I am aware WC and I have no tomorrows, sad as it is to say after the hundreds of "gotcha" moments when we were together. UG and I may already be done, who is to say? Either way there is a future... with or without her.

The dog my xBiL left here since 2006 is getting very grey. He is part German police dog, part wolf. He is happy, moves slow but also urinates and poops without knowing. He is not scheduled for release until this spring. He was previous, spring 2014. Who knows what went down. My main concern is, will he make it until he is released? Will I give him up? Been here going on 9 years. His teeth are old but he can still chomp into a steak!

Money is not the where all to end all. You can't take it with you. With no kids, I can't see a real need to beat my brains out for anyone. It is....what it is. The dreams I had chosen before, may never come true. They will definitely not come to pass like I wanted at one time. Pop died when I was 24. I would want to be older when I die, with kids. Why accumulate things when there is no one to leave them to? I could retire now and simply live off of the land. But my story is far from written. I can accept the fact I may never advance past where I am today and I am happy with that. I am content to what my life's journey has entailed. The rest is "gravy on the biscuit." I'm certain I could find a female who loves Corvettes and baseball cards 

It is.....what it is.


----------



## Chuck71

Life is All about Change

Today was the closing day for the duplex. It was a bit somber. But it was time to let it go. Tenants have no respect for other people's property anymore. Mom got a bit emotional. I placed her name on the deed when it was purchased, thinking what if something happened to me? She would have income or a place to stay. From 1997 to now. It was my home from 1999-05 and mom's from 2005-13. It was where I had gotten married. Tons of great memories wrapped up in that place.

UG has moved out. I stick by my earlier post, "she will have to move out to realize...." It was bittersweet and painful. But you sometimes have to let things go. It does not mean they will never return. In my past, they always have. But in each final case, I chose not to re-connect. Let the future play its course. Plenty of wonderful memories, just none near the end. Thank you Yoda and a great friend for listening to me. Even though we know at the time, it is for the best, does not mean it doesn't hurt.

Had my first post-UG date tonight. She was a bit older than I but I have always liked older women. We talked for about four hours. I had to brief her on my three book trilogy, explain my weunz here do certain things (she is a transplant). She asked me to show her around this area a bit tomorrow. She has a masters degree in the same field I do, very articulate, insightful, and even laughed at my $2 jokes. I explained I was just recently out of a break-up and just wanted to hang-out, be friends and see where it goes.

Wish I had more to say but.....maybe later.


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## Chuck71

Weird second date. But good weird. I showed her around the town a bit. We ate at my favorite bistro. And since it was near the lake...lol...yeah that lake, we went up and parked. We chatted about life and everything in general. We made out like teenagers. Ironically, as I was radio station flipping, Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer came on three separate stations. That song was touched upon in an earlier post about the power going out when I was a teenager. 

Tonight was the first time I had made out in a car like that since....I first met WC back in 1997. But we were at the lake. The lake is my "home turf." The date ended around 1:30AM. Pretty much how the first real date ended with UG in 2013 and WC in 1997. She asked about tomorrow so I guess she is interested. We will see.....


----------



## ButtPunch

Where you meeting all these girls? Baseball card conventions?


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> Where you meeting all these girls? Baseball card conventions?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Deviled Eggs and Sex

I was at a Barnes and Noble...searching for an Aldus Huxley reprint. She noticed I was in the classics section and she made a brief comment about not many like them. So there we went on a magical ride of old stories. She mentioned she had always wanted to write a book...I mentioned mine...which led to a coffee date the next day.

She hugged me after the first date and I respected that. I was not looking for anything more than...what we have in common. She was apparently apprehensive when she learned how recent I had been available. I explained if I had not done a thing, UG and I would still be together....together but, alone. She got what I said and I was impressed.

I may get the "what are you going to do if she shows up at your door," and I understand her asking. The UG I knew for 18 months was fabulous. But she was a broken person who bandaged herself up for as long as she could...then the bandages fell off. I had The Wall from WC and I dared anyone to try and crumble it. UG did....much to my own astonishment. There is a great chance I had UG at her best. When she was "in the zone" she had me in awe. I am formulating an end comment about her but it is still in the works. It's not important but if someone reads it and can learn from it, that is what it is all about.

The new gal, CalGal wants me to stop by her place for a post-Thanksgiving leftovers thing. I liked that...not inviting me when the family and friends come over but...after. No pressure....take it as it is....who knows what may come to be. Enjoy it for what it is.

On a final note, deviled eggs. The only time I crave deviled eggs is after sex. WC and UG found that out. They made them at 1AM quite a few times. Anyway...if she makes any.....maybe that's a hint. We will see.....


----------



## LongWalk

Scrambled eggs can be great to recharge


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## Chuck71

I have to tip my hat to CalGal...damn good cook. We swapped childhood back stories over coffee. Growing up, family...the like. Watched a few movies on the couch....made out. She would run her finger all over my body...hair...three minute kisses. But the first thing I noticed was...while we were together "touching," her phone was off. What did I miss from UG in the end?

Guess I wasn't asking something impossible. I'm having the "gee this is nice" vs. "WTF didn't she do this" moments. But...sometimes you have to step outside the clouds to see clearly. Like I tell people...maybe after the 18 months, she showed me who she really was. Easy to say but...hard to have to deal with. As I stated when I joined TAM and put in my profile, it's easy to tell others what to do. But like the last days of WC and I, I took my own advice....just as I did here. It hurt more in the beginning but....I came out of the chaos much sooner. The hardest way....ends up becoming the "easy" or best way.

CalGal received her masters from Auburn. We watched the Iron Bowl. Well....we partially watched it. She is very interested in making an emotional connectivity first and I respect this 110%. We are both electrically charged to each other. I never saw the electricity, as this, with UG. You never notice it wasn't there until you see it with another. We're still getting to know each other and, I respect that.

Her body language tells me CalGal is all aboard with a future. She may be holding back in fear of a return to UG. That is completely normal. I hid nothing from her. It is a wait and see mode.....just as it should be. 

I always termed my first three as biotch #1, #2, and #3. UG did not merit #4. She came awful close in the end but...there was not an addition. For some reason, near the end, she told me she hoped she would not become #4.


----------



## ButtPunch

War Eagle!


----------



## Chuck71

yep.....she and I thought Auburn had it won in the 3rd Q


----------



## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> yep.....she and I thought Auburn had it won in the 3rd Q


Sadly...I knew better. My son lost in the championship game this year so no repeat. We went to Gulf Shores over Thanksgiving and took second in an All Star football tournament there. I am happy to see how well you're doing. I hope WC's life hasn't imploded to bad. Has she found her a white knight to rescue her yet?


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## Chuck71

Congratulations on the football tournament! That's pretty freaking impressive. I have not heard anything from Window Cork in about six months. Her last try was not worth even mentioning. She ended up with a guy on disability who just wanted someone to take care of him. That's what I have heard. But it really doesn't matter. It's just hard to believe two years ago, I was a complete mess. In the end, I think it was harder for me to let go of all the years we had together, than letting go of her.

Letting go of Urology Gal was a lot harder. Maybe it was because I saw a future with her. I didn't with WC. But in the end....maybe UG showed me who she really was. I wasn't perfect and neither was she. Who knows what the future may hold. Will she come back around....bet the farm. But what I will say, I can't answer. WC tried the spaghetti deal, alone all weekend, you're more than welcome to come a couple months after the D final. A part of me wanted to go but....I knew it was not what I wanted to return to. I went to UG's place and we shared a pizza and watched a movie. That day...the remainder of WC was flushed out of me.

So I've moved on with no regrets. I laid everything on the line before UG left. I can walk away with a clear conscience...can't say the same for her. CalGal and I have been seeing each other a lot. She is into me a lot more than I am her but...every relationship seems to start that way. While we are on the couch watching a movie, she runs her fingers all over me. She is very affectionate. I guess we're an item now. But I'm not looking ahead for anything. What will be, will be. 

I miss certain parts of WC. Even near the end we had our great moments. But she regressed into a shell no one could pull her from. She lost her mom, her son...then me. She is beyond broken. I can still see her, back in 1997 when we met, at the lake, hair blowing in the wind. That's what I want to remember. God she was beautiful then. That's why I decided to write the short story about her and I. The magic we had has never been replicated. But there has only been two women after her. And one is very new.

Two years ago, if someone told me a year later I would be the happiest I had been in a decade during the holidays, I would have scoffed at them. And if someone told me last year that I would not be with UG a year later, I would have thought they were crazy. But 'tis is life. CalGal is bringing her A+ game and I can't ignore it. It is refreshing. In the end, UG brought her D- game.


----------



## ButtPunch

As usual Chuck makes me embarrassed of my writing skills.


----------



## Chuck71

if TAM had a BS icon, I'd post it right now :rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

Most relationships are unbalanced. One more into it than the other. 

After being the only one into the relationship for so long it's nice to be with someone so into me. 

Calgal sounds nice. Hope it lasts a while for you.


----------



## Tron

ButtPunch said:


> As usual Chuck makes me embarrassed of my writing skills.


Some of us build skyscrapers and some of us are good at talking about it, *or in Chuck's case, writing about it*.

Thankfully, the world has room for and needs both.



_FIFM...wondering if I have a touch of Aspergers_


----------



## Chuck71

I completely agree CG. At first with WC and UG...I was quite gun shy. With WC I was 25 and she was 32. We both thought it may just end up being a FWB thing. But it quickly became more than that. I knew she was special about four months in, around Christmas '97. By the summer of '98, I was in deep. Eyeball deep. She was the first to ever take on a "motherly role" with me. Like one of my last posts in Crossroads Sink or Swim, when I turned my ankle bad, she had to work the next day and I didn't. She set me up with pillows, a beer cave, arched footrests, and placed it where I could play Madden football all day! She went out of her way and I never asked her to. That was one of a few moments I knew, she was The One. I already knew I was going to marry her, that just solidified it. 

UG had the mothering role too. But she did like drama, especially when it was stirred up by members of her family. In the end, she did things completely out of character to make me hate her. She failed in that regard but....that glow she had with me...did go away. My IC / very close female friend told me that, "when WC realizes she can't replace you, she'll be back." She made the same statement about UG. She and a TAM vet both told me this word for word, "She self-sabotaged the relationship because she did not feel like she deserved a long term relationship." 

CalGal is older, actually older than WC. We're just dating, having a blast. I am enjoying getting the very things from her, that UG once did but had stopped when she pulled away. Usually about the time you start to feel real emotions for the new girl....the previous girl comes from the bushes wanting to talk. That will be....another Crossroads.


----------



## Chuck71

Ex-Lax and Razor Blades

As CalGal and I were hanging out, she wanted to read my masters thesis and take a peek at my dissertation. I read her undergrad honors thesis and grad thesis. It was a very pontificating evening. As it was winding down, I get a phrase from her. It caught me 110% off-guard. "I am in love with you." After three weeks. Yes I just about shyt my pants. I spun it around to how do you feel about me, without being dragged into the goo-goo stuff. 

The exact thing happened with UG two weeks in. Yes I have my moves and she has been to the lake but....this soon? I thought the guy always had to say it first but of course, the girl would throw more hints than a Mafia gambling racket. But maybe it's me....my 1st and 2nd love began when I was in high school and college. The last two, in just under the last two years. A twenty plus year difference. But it just kind of floored me.

I was sitting around shooting the chit with a few friends and one of the guy's wife showed up early. She came over and gave me a hug. She had heard about UG and I's falling out. At that moment she morphed herself into Socrates. "I'm sorry for your heartache Chuck. But hear me out...her qualms were over money and doing things, even though she knew you were in post-grad school and lecturing with a small stipend. She used quality time to get back at you. It wasn't a who pays what deal, it was a how much do you deposit in the bank deal. She built resentment and imploded near the end. She was an exploding star. When she finishes her inward spiral, she will discover, love always trumps your paycheck. She was so consumed with resent she had to leave. But when reality sets in, she will come after you like a dog in heat. Enjoy your free pass to do whatever you want for now. And if it sets your mind at ease, even if she doesn't do this...you have the things you didn't have in the end from her."

I was at first, wanting to kick my friend's arse for sharing details but....his wife moved everything into perspective. Her words at first, cut like a knife but ended up being the vaseline. It's funny what a friend can do and you still want to beat him senseless. But....there remains so many questions and no answers but...it is my ending I chose to write. No matter how warped it may be. Enjoy the day for what it is. In the end, things will fall in place. A free pass, sounds very appealing. And even if, what his wife said, will come to pass, it doesn't mean UG will get a second chance. More things would have to be detailed. And I will not deal with D- effort. It's the A game or kiss my a$$. I am seeing someone closer to UG's mom's age than her. And I am enjoying it. But WTF with the ILY's after three weeks?


----------



## Ceegee

Do you think her ILY was genuine?

Does she strike you as the desperate type?


----------



## HeyMon

Uh, Chuck? I think this is where "Idolize, Devalue, and Discard" comes in...

So, within three weeks, she loves you. Good for any man's ego, but she doesn't really know a thing about you after three weeks.
And frankly, you neither. She, I think, is infatuated. 

Tread carefully or pretty soon you two will be picking drapes at Target, with you thinking, "How the F--- did I get HERE?"

Just my two cents...


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Do you think her ILY was genuine?
> 
> Does she strike you as the desperate type?


From her back story, it doesn't. She just hasn't dated anyone in the last five years. She mentioned something about dating guys who were not up to her standard, as far as intellect. But keep in mind, she is from California and went to high school in the 70's. Her mother made her bones in the movie industry in the 1960's. All in all...it's an ebb and flow. Ride the wave and see where it takes you.

As far as me saying those words....I'm not there. How could I be? Maybe it's an intelligence dance? Maybe it's her way of justifying intimacy? All I know is she is bringing her A game. The needs I have are being met. It is amazing how cool that is....hadn't felt that way in a good while. To me...it's like Boston's Third Stage from 1986. After the two songs Amanda and We're Ready....there's a launch sequence. Take it where the launch takes you.


----------



## Chuck71

HeyMon said:


> Uh, Chuck? I think this is where "Idolize, Devalue, and Discard" comes in...
> 
> So, within three weeks, she loves you. Good for any man's ego, but she doesn't really know a thing about you after three weeks.
> And frankly, you neither. She, I think, is infatuated.
> 
> Tread carefully or pretty soon you two will be picking drapes at Target, with you thinking, "How the F--- did I get HERE?"
> 
> Just my two cents...


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Pop warned me about those shopping trips when I was a kid. The only one I ever went to pick out drapes with was WC and I'd say we'd had been together about five years. But I see your point. I do agree three weeks in is extremely quick. But she knew in advance, I had just came out of a 22 month deal and was divorced in late '12. She did notice for the vast majority of 1988-now, I had been in four relationships. But the times in between them and break-ups in the middle of two, I usually dated women 10-20 years older than I. Just had a better connection with them.

As far as the idolizing, devalue, and discard.... some people do that. But to do so, one must allow it to happen. If you read my earlier blogs...I touch on the things pop taught me years ago (he died when I was young). Plus anytime things get too stressed, I just take a short trip to the lake.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I have said those words after just three weeks, actually had them said to me first more than once, that quickly. When I do fall, I fall very hard, very fast. In fact, I said it after about that time in my current relationship. He is not there yet, like you...its hard for me to be in this position, but its not like you can rush someone. 

Just thought I would offer up this viewpoint!


----------



## Mr.Fisty

She is heavy in the infatuation stage. If you want some kinky sex, now would be a great time, because once your past that stage, the relationship becomes more of a negotiation.


----------



## Chuck71

3Xnocharm said:


> I have said those words after just three weeks, actually had them said to me first more than once, that quickly. When I do fall, I fall very hard, very fast. In fact, I said it after about that time in my current relationship. He is not there yet, like you...its hard for me to be in this position, but its not like you can rush someone.
> 
> Just thought I would offer up this viewpoint!


If you count my first two loves, yes I think I did too. But those were in 

1988 and 1991. I guess it's just weird when the female says it first.

But you're right, in my first LaD post, I did mention, when you hit 40,

it's more a take it or leave it deal. So nothing much to lose being yourself


----------



## Chuck71

Mr.Fisty said:


> She is heavy in the infatuation stage. If you want some kinky sex, now would be a great time, because once your past that stage, the relationship becomes more of a negotiation.


After my nightmarish last two months, bet the farm I will welcome

the opportunity to get my freak on!


----------



## Chuck71

Music, Nail Guns...and Pop Tarts


I'm a product of the 1980's. The music was not as good as a decade prior but...it's what I grew up with and will always hold close to me. Those songs mirrored the songs I wrote as a teen. I can look back at some and think....you could write long before you realized it. Although having to write a 20-page paper on Shay's Rebellion or Oliver Cromwell does not allow you expressiveness to pour through. CalGal is a product of the 70's...she enjoys old school country-western music...the kind that turn people into alcoholics. It's similar to what my parents listened to when I was a "curtain climber" according to pop.

CalGal has made arrangements with her pets and brought over the Pop Tarts. She likes them in the morning. We have progressed to this point. This is where the dopamine and other chemicals in the brain go haywire. Do I submit to the rush or disguise myself and ride @ 50k? It's a dance either way you look at it. I keep thinking...she will drop the A game....watch for it. She hasn't. Some people call it moving forward, others call it moving on. I just call it......

I never went much into detail with UG on the blogs. She knew I was an active member after my D and I wanted to offer advice. I would receive calls from friends who asked for me, by my handle. So I am aware. Maybe a month before I blew everything up, I told her we should try the non-denominational church I mentioned to her in the past. The preacher is an ex-biker and was in no way a "suit." Here you get a $150 reduction on marriage license if you see a preacher or MC before marriage. I think that is a wise idea....everyone can use some counseling from an outside party. If we corrected our problems through his counseling, I had full intentions of marrying her. Yeah....that Walk.....the Walk I never saw me doing again.

Some days I feel like a walking corpse, other days...I am human. Both ways can not impede on my T4 abilities. T4 has to do with Rocky IV. Faking it is the easy part....it's the making it that seems difficult. But I'm getting there. I was not the one to say goodbye, I'm just the one moving....moving somewhere.


----------



## Chuck71

Well....I can now say with complete clarity...CalGal was exactly what I told a few close friends she was....a poster child for co-dependency. When you step away from the clouds, it is so easy to see. But the way it went down, in the end was completely off the wall. Because I see a lot of guys in the LaD section and most are trying to date again....I want to post this occurrence in explicit detail. It will begin from last night.... and conclude this morning.

11PM I love you...goodnight sweet man. I hope u had a good night at work. xxx 
Me 1130PM what a freaking night......talk later. I love you baby 

..............All of these are before I awoke
At work...u working today?
How's xxx?
Hello???
I've got an appt coming....talk please? 
OK well talk when your ready...or leave me voicemail. We need to talk sometime...
You're
Oh and you forgot my books 
Tried to call you... 
I know you have seen each message but without response. Gotta say this does not feel like a relationship...I had a feeling this would happen...I was warned, my fault. Please bring my books back...I'll leave u alone...I've got self esteem and don't need a man to feel good about myself and thought you were smarter than this. I wanted to discuss this but now you'll never know. I can't stand the chain smoking and criticisms and I'll leave u be. If you think we're worth it, then I'll talk. I wanted to discuss this in person but can't even get u to talk. Its up to you now. U r ignoring me...I'm over that too. Don't play me, if u aren't serious, leave me alone. Take care. 

..............Isn't it great to wake up to schit like this! My reply:

Wow.....just WOW! By your actions, I do feel you have made the choice. It would have been appreciative to allow me to have taken part in the choice but.....it's never necessary. I woke up around 10, I taped Pittsburgh and watched it until 4 in the morning. I saw you had sent a few messages and I started coffee. They will be answered in order. 1-Don't work today. 2-xxx is slow to move around but seems in decent spirits. 3-I was under the impression we spoke yesterday and covered a few bases. 4-I had your books with me yesterday. 5-No I have not seen your messages, impossible when you are asleep and no cell phone. 6-You were warned about me? Really? 7-As someone who has some experience in psychology, yes you do appear to have relationship issues. 8-I would like to consider myself intelligent but....I'm sure there are several out there who would say otherwise. That's their problem, not mine. 9-Thought we had discussed things but yes, with this message, I guess I will not know. 10-You knew I smoked from day 1. As for chain smoking...I doubt that. 11-The criticisms...were they valid or observatory? I call things as they are but never criticized anyone you told me of. Maybe I ripped the government and the church....maybe even a few actions of my past loves. Big deal....you did a great deal more than I. But no...it did not bother me you have unresolved issues with your exs. By the way, you have unresolved conflicts with your fourth husband. Just my opinion. 12-Did we not speak yesterday? Your actions and verbiage clearly indicated we were doing okay. 13-I was under the impression we were doing great. Your last post to me last night would signify that. 

Now we get to the conclusion....in what way did I play you? I don't schit around the toilet rim, I aim straight ahead. For your actions to change from yesterday to this morning, without us exchanging anything but two romantic messages....tells me a lot. It also shows me your character when you defriend me and wipe out our relationship status. Not that I care two schits about FB but....those actions proved a great deal to how you think and act. I did not make one single action to deserve this. But your actions are....your choices. I think you just made the decision for both of us. I wish you great success in life and will drop the books off in your car this week. I will let you know what day and time, just have your car unlocked. I strongly recommend you seek individual counseling for your co-dependency issues. 

Game.....set.....match. As Conrad would say......... Next


----------



## Ceegee

Scary.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

To use your quote: WOW...Just...WOW!! That came of of nowhere! You are better off on your own!


----------



## Chuck71

3Xnocharm said:


> To use your quote: WOW...Just...WOW!! That came of of nowhere! You are better off on your own!


I completely agree. She was in her 50's. Wasn't like it was immaturity.

In a way....CalGal roughly did the same Co-D things UG did,

just a lot faster. Chucky....you want that? Oh he!! no!

But in UG's case, I did "love" her. That always complicates things.


----------



## ButtPunch

WOW!

A true life "Bunny Boiler"

Run Forrest Run


----------



## Ceegee

Why do you think you attract cd women Chuck?


----------



## Tron

Ceegee said:


> Why do you think you attract cd women Chuck?


Ceegee aims for the heart. Gotta agree though. 

Chuck, the common denominator is you.


----------



## angstire

Next!

Better to have this stuff break down fast, than slowly and have to peel through the facade.


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> WOW!
> 
> A true life "Bunny Boiler"
> 
> Run Forrest Run


I saw Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction :rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Why do you think you attract cd women Chuck?


They always tell me my baby blue eyes.

But when they unwrap the package, I'm a lot deeper.

Co-D's are experts at honeymoon stage, then their schit becomes 

unraveled. Then it's truth time. Schit or get off the pot.

Thunder excite me yet....lightening is the producer

amp the wattage and Ride the Lightening (yeah early Metallica)


----------



## Chuck71

Tron said:


> Ceegee aims for the heart. Gotta agree though.
> 
> Chuck, the common denominator is you.


not sure if it's a fire truck or an egg mixer, until you open the wrapping

one makes you smile

the other you run for a mile

still makes me jealous of my grandparents and their parents....

simpler times.... much less complicated

yet today, it is we whom....make it such


----------



## Chuck71

angstire said:


> Next!
> 
> Better to have this stuff break down fast, than slowly and have to peel through the facade.


I suspected.... when you profile someone....you learn a lot

and those who are irritated by it...well...have more bones than the Mafia

It's sad she had more issues than Time magazine but as she said

she was my rebound. But if she knew that, why did she play basketball?

Love of the game?????


----------



## angstire

For love of the game, sounds right. Loves the honeymoon stage, but not the work part.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Best case of projection I have seen in a while...

Think there may have been more than one person in the relationship before you met her.


----------



## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> Best case of projection I have seen in a while...
> 
> Think there may have been more than one person in the relationship before you met her.


I doubt it. She hadn't been back from Au but a year. She wanted 

to be together every evening. If I was a Co-D maybe I would have 

wrapped myself up in it and like one poster said, be picking out lamps

at Target in a few months. I'm sorry but I can't ride that highway.

Was there a connection....yes. Was there the arse tightening up when 

you just see her? Not by a long shot. I haven't felt that since WC in 1997.

But the ones who claim not to play games, are the ones who...play games.

She told me....lol....to leave her alone. So I blocked her. Next.....


----------



## angstire

Chuck71 said:


> But the ones who claim not to play games, are the ones who...play games.


This is truth. Since I've been back out in dating land, there is nothing truer. The ones who claim they have their **** together and don't play games are the most messed up (short of clinical). If you have to advertise it, you're trying too hard.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Scary.


OMG I missed this..... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-ESh9l_SxE


----------



## Chuck71

angstire said:


> This is truth. Since I've been back out in dating land, there is nothing truer. The ones who claim they have their **** together and don't play games are the most messed up (short of clinical). If you have to advertise it, you're trying too hard.


look beyond the words, they never lie

but when you are in heat or state of passion

it is....what it is (a GP quote)


----------



## Chuck71

course on a lighter note the ex-gf sent message she may have left a bra over at my place in an email.

I replied I ate it. I considered saying I kept it because it looks better on me but :rofl:

David Bowie- Let's Dance

pull up a chair


----------



## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> course on a lighter note the ex-gf sent message she may have left a bra over at my place in an email.


UG?


----------



## Chuck71

yep


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> UG?


recall the Cinderella song, Through the Rain?

Check this out, same band....released in 1991, after 1:25 to 2:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuegke22rdA

bothered me more with WC


----------



## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> yep


A No Brainer

http://youtu.be/QzzWdwUrt7o


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> course on a lighter note the ex-gf sent message she may have left a bra over at my place in an email.
> 
> I replied I ate it. I considered saying I kept it because it looks better on me but :rofl:
> 
> David Bowie- Let's Dance
> 
> pull up a chair


What would a normal woman do if she realized she left something as unimportant as a bra at a former lover's home?

When do you think she set the bait on that hook?


----------



## ButtPunch

Ceegee said:


> When do you think she set the bait on that hook?


Who cares? 

It was a test and he passed? Borrow ReGroup's plow for this one.


----------



## angstire

Let's Dance, M Ward cover 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbxQ9bvdZgU


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> A No Brainer
> 
> http://youtu.be/QzzWdwUrt7o


WTF? But recall, Iz suthurn


----------



## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> WTF? But recall, Iz suthurn


She ain't coming over to get her bra back. She's coming over to get Chucky back. I'd take advantage of this situation. Iz suthurn too.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> What would a normal woman do if she realized she left something as unimportant as a bra at a former lover's home?
> 
> When do you think she set the bait on that hook?


I see the bait easily. And TBH I would love to hear her voice.

UG meant a lot more to me than WC did in the last 5 years.

As much as I would love to, I can't. She has her own POS

tendencies she has to deal with. Until her actions were admitted, 

I 'm a Lee-nard Sky-ee-nard, a Freebird

But seriously, I get you point. Like with WC, I have a 3 day wait 

on emails. "But it was a nice email".... fvck 'em.....fvck 'em all...

it's easy to forgive but harder to accept. as for forgiving....I'm a 

he!!bent SOB. Chances good huh lol


----------



## ButtPunch

So what you are saying is you are too emotionally attached to do any farming. Been there myself.


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> Who cares?
> 
> It was a test and he passed? Borrow ReGroup's plow for this one.


OMFG :rofl:

Are we fvcking brothers? Seriously?

HUGS bro

on a lighter note


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz9gm0vlhlY
2:20 onward.......it would be nice but it's not my game


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> So what you are saying is you are too emotionally attached to do any farming. Been there myself.


"The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts" 

CS Lewis, Abolition of Man :rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

ButtPunch said:


> Who cares?
> 
> It was a test and he passed? Borrow ReGroup's plow for this one.


RG's XW deserved a good plow. 

She's about as ornery as they come.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> RG's XW deserved a good plow.
> 
> She's about as ornery as they come.


His W, I wouldn't fvck with a stolen ****

but I did hear Group n QL did.....shhhh

anyway, if I had syphilis, there is one gal in the Bronx I'd

want to meet, just to be a schit


----------



## Chuck71

ButtPunch said:


> So what you are saying is you are too emotionally attached to do any farming. Been there myself.


I'm kind of glad this was brought up. Yes UG is trying to establish some form of contact, weak as it may be. But this is the same type of reaches WC made. That is not the effort I am seeking...not by a long shot. If UG really feels remorse for what she did and truly wants to work on us.....she would do a helluva lot more than email. She would beat down my door, show up at 2AM...in other words, bring her A game. I can't accept anything but A game. 

Some loyal readers may recall WC leaving a pizza in the fridge and told me I could have what was left. There was a large and half another large. Guess WC thought I'd be home that night. I hadn't ate for several days and was famished. I ate every piece. Then I opened her email a few days later, saying please save me a piece. Oops! Someone posted it was WC's way of trying to make a connection. My reply was....if her idea of a connection is a damn pizza, then our story has already been written. I pretty much feel the same way about UG. I owned my POS tendencies. I even apologized to UG for them. Did they merit one, no...but this is all a part of owning it. There is a very good chance UG has never "owned" her mistakes. By me doing so, I hoped she would learn from my actions.

Anyone who reads my thread, I'm sure reads Zillards, if not, I highly recommend it. Three huge blogs...filled with a wealth of knowledge. Z and I are quite similar, we both like quality time and physical touch. UG took those two away....well cut back severely...and when she wouldn't do a sit down....just like Z's XW is doing....I blew it up. Did I want to....he!! no but I had to. All I can do is move forward and hope she eventually owns her mistakes. Will UG come back....bet the farm. But will it be the same UG I saw at the end or the UG with that spark in her eyes when we met. And will that spark remain? Or will it be temporary, just like Z's XW...then I'd be posting the exact same things Z is now. The only difference would be...Z has a daughter to consider.

Back to the emails from UG....vet readers remember GutPunch's progress in the beginning of 2013. I remember telling him to watch out for the spider webs. Then Ms. GP and GP had a roll in the hay and he lost his progress. I'm really glad they made a R and are both working at being better spouses. I hope Z and XW work out too....I was talking to Conrad on the phone...maybe about a year ago. We were talking smack about sports and all. Knowing he has experience in being Co-D and being with a Co-D, I shared with him how UG was too. Conrad told me...a year ahead...almost exactly what would happen. There's a reason why we referred to him as Yoda. I'm still Luke in Episode VI.

Could I manipulate UG to get her to come back? Yes I could but...what exactly would that prove? Would be the very same problems we had in the end. When UG let resentment build up inside her over trivial things and not express them...that is all on her. A major one was, being in post-grad and lecturing...I didn't have a 9-5 gig. But I had a stipend and rental property that covered the mortgage. I guess she wanted me to beat my brains out working 60 hours a week so I could take her on exotic vacations. Chuck don't do that. If she had given me a child...yes things would have been different as far as, getting my doctorate. But Chuck took care of UG...her parents even admitted this. When she told her dad she was moving out, he told her she is making the biggest mistake of her life. Talk about getting validation....

Yes I did love UG, still do, why lie? But she has to find herself first....then look for me. But in the meantime, I'm doing my own thing. Chuck...what happens if you meet some girl who just clicks with you? Why don't you ask WC what happened in March '13. The only difference would be...then UG was on the entering end, this time she would be on the leaving end. You can't help who you fall in love with but you can control what they do to you. 

Back to Conrad....he made a post on Zs thread one day referring to 'some women never wake up' and it floored me. The one other person who would use the term "wake up" was pop. As I said, he was a poor parent but a master teacher. I can see a lot of pop in Conrad's posts. I will close with these thoughts.....CalGal complained I smoked. Well...you knew from day one I did. You chose to date me, fall in love (seriously...lol) so that complaint is 100% on you. You don't like smokers....don't date them. As for the drinking, that was her other complaint....drinking...I would have reminded her who drank more Friday night when she spent the night, who drank more the night before Thanksgiving. I prefer a few beers after sex, not before. But guys....here is the point I am making.....if I didn't smoke or didn't drink, it would have been me cutting my toenails in the bedroom or farting after a meal.

The smoking and drinking were two things UG suddenly griped about near the end. Sometimes....when resentment sets in, that person will find the least little thing to rationalize why they are leaving. Smoking bothered UG and I would smoke away from her or raise a window out of respect. Her second husband smoked three packs a day....so don't go there on dealing with smoke. As for the drinking...I drink when I chose to, not when someone else says it is okay. It's funny UG says that...after being told by her daughter and father she has had drinking issues. Maybe two months in...she wanted us to do a bottle of JD. She wanted to impress me by keeping up with me, shot for shot....LMAO. I was polite enough to bring her the trash can and even pull her hair back when she barfed. She passed out on the bathroom floor.....I finished the fifth and her last drink. Made sure she made it to bed and called in the next day. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a Co-D....you just have to be ready for the spin-outs.


----------



## LongWalk

I used to smoke. I liked them without filters. I quit on and off. About 21 years ago I started chewing tobacco. The Swedish chewing tobacco contains no sugar so there is no flood of saliva. Quitting nicotine was hard.

GP didn't harangue Ms GP to quit smoking but it might have been a deal breaker for him in the long run.


----------



## angstire

Truth Chuck, when they are getting ready to leave, they will build a case in their heads with rationalization and things like drinking and smoking being an issue; when they weren't an issue during that infatuation stage. Lack of ownership and blame shifting.


----------



## Chuck71

angstire said:


> Truth Chuck, when they are getting ready to leave, they will build a case in their heads with rationalization and things like drinking and smoking being an issue; when they weren't an issue during that infatuation stage. Lack of ownership and blame shifting.


And when the myth fades away, reality rears it's ugly head

I love walking the country back roads...her excuse was it's too

hot in the summer, too cold in the winter, too much pollen in spring....

kinda get the point? Course no one ever heard me complain about her

sitting on her arse eating potato chips watching E Entertainment

when I was in the mood to do something. Rational people understand

that is part of the entire package....


----------



## Ceegee

Is it possible, Chuck, that the smoking and the drinking were always issues for her? 

Maybe she ignored her feelings on it to stay with you. 

Then, when she couldn't ignore it any longer she reacted the way she did? With all the resentment directed at you that should have been directed at herself?


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Is it possible, Chuck, that the smoking and the drinking were always issues for her?
> 
> Maybe she ignored her feelings on it to stay with you.
> 
> Then, when she couldn't ignore it any longer she reacted the way she did? With all the resentment directed at you that should have been directed at herself?


UG never complained about smoking until the end....except she wished I would quit. I told her I would like to try, after schooling is over. Drinking....my situation is very similar to Zs in the fact, he and Tiger would drink together but when she stopped for however long, she expected him to as well. I would have a few beers while she was at work or if she was asleep....didn't when we were both at home, awake. 

I might doze off before she got home but all she had to do was poke me and I was awake. Then she stopped poking me and complained I was asleep when she got home. See where this is heading? A Co-D will purposefully set you up for a failure, if it could even be called that. Was UG there to help or hinder me? If it's a team deal...you work on areas where your spouse is weak and vice versa....you don't attempt to exploit it.

Did I drink all the time....no. Did I drink more when everything began to collapse...yeah I did. Just like she said she did when her previous relationships were sour.


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> UG never complained about smoking until the end....except she wished I would quit. I told her I would like to try, after schooling is over. Drinking....my situation is very similar to Zs in the fact, he and Tiger would drink together but when she stopped for however long, she expected him to as well. I would have a few beers while she was at work or if she was asleep....didn't when we were both at home, awake.
> 
> I might doze off before she got home but all she had to do was poke me and I was awake. Then she stopped poking me and complained I was asleep when she got home. See where this is heading? A Co-D will purposefully set you up for a failure, if it could even be called that. Was UG there to help or hinder me? If it's a team deal...you work on areas where your spouse is weak and vice versa....you don't attempt to exploit it.
> 
> Did I drink all the time....no. Did I drink more when everything began to collapse...yeah I did. Just like she said she did when her previous relationships were sour.


Covert contracts.

She thought she was being understanding by not complaining about the smoking, all the while she was growing resentment toward you for not quitting.

Smoking, drinking, leaving the toilet seat up, not squeezing the tube of toothpast correctly...doesn't really matter what it is.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Covert contracts.
> 
> She thought she was being understanding by not complaining about the smoking, all the while she was growing resentment toward you for not quitting.
> 
> Smoking, drinking, leaving the toilet seat up, not squeezing the tube of toothpast correctly...doesn't really matter what it is.


Hit the nail on the head Jedi. When everything was coming to the blow up...yeah I did smoke a lot more. Reason behind it was the upcoming explosion. UG knows, with me or any one who does smoke...if you are stressed or hurt...you will smoke more.

I know at work, TAM, guy friends...some may think I'm made of steel. I'm not...I bleed just like everyone else. Would I cut back on drinking if it was on the table...yes....the only time I would hold out is watching the Steelers, my one weekly reflection, and NYE. Would I stop smoking? I would try....but I would want to know, no matter the outcome...as long as I gave it my all...she would be supportive.

Sort of like when she got off of the pill because I wanted a child. If she gave 110% but the OBGYN said you're too old or there were dangers.....I would respect the effort. I would accept the fact I would not have a child. To me....effort is about or as much important as the outcome.

CG.....I remember your posts from early 2013....brother you have came light years. I am so fvcking proud of you!


----------



## Ceegee

Yoda has many pupils.


----------



## ButtPunch

Chuck71 said:


> To me....effort is about or as much important as the outcome.



I tell my son this every day.


----------



## LongWalk

Great flow in what you have been writing, Chuck. This is close to the style you need for you novel.


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## Chuck71

yeah.....just freaking wish this had not had to happen to be aware of it.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> I used to smoke. I liked them without filters. I quit on and off. About 21 years ago I started chewing tobacco. The Swedish chewing tobacco contains no sugar so there is no flood of saliva. Quitting nicotine was hard.
> 
> GP didn't harangue Ms GP to quit smoking but it might have been a deal breaker for him in the long run.


I tried my grandparent's Lucky Strikes when I was young. They knocked me on my arse. Wish I was caught and made to smoke the whole pack. Child abuse?.....mom's sister caught her three kids smoking them...made them smoke a whole pack....none smoked again. Was it the end result over the method? I think it was.


----------



## Chuck71

After blocking CalGal from FB...wait...PsychoGal...I get an email. She is ready to file a complaint with the local police about attempting to subdue her thesis. Really? I laughed my arse off. She would not leave her car unlocked for me to drop them off....she was fearful of a small southern town being more Sudan. Really? I informed her since she willfully left them at my house, it was not considered theft. Criminal Justice 101. But bet the farm she will get it back. But I will not go out of my way to give it back. 

I thought the psychos were the younger crowd. Guess I was wrong. Thank God I never made my homemade chili for her...she'd be beating my doors down. :rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> After blocking CalGal from FB...wait...PsychoGal...I get an email. She is ready to file a complaint with the local police about attempting to subdue her thesis. Really? I laughed my arse off. She would not leave her car unlocked for me to drop them off....she was fearful of a small southern town being more Sudan. Really? I informed her since she willfully left them at my house, it was not considered theft. Criminal Justice 101. But bet the farm she will get it back. But I will not go out of my way to give it back.
> 
> 
> 
> I thought the psychos were the younger crowd. Guess I was wrong. Thank God I never made my homemade chili for her...she'd be beating my doors down. :rofl:



She was a young psycho once too. 

Desperate for control. 

XW threatens to call cops on me all the time.


----------



## Chuck71

yeah......she took a bit from her mother's acting style

some can't tell acting from reality

unless their acting is......their reality


----------



## LongWalk

This was a sudden shift.


----------



## Chuck71

It's hard to make a valid judgment in a short amount of time...when you wish to gauge multiple variables. I didn't like what I was starting to see but it was way too fast for a final judgment. I was just getting to know her but I surmise she was falling like a brick. When she started mentioning my baby blue eyes....I knew what was up next.

But the actions she took, CalGal....let me know all I needed to. This was a sneak preview. She was very intelligent but had little or no control of her emotions. It's like a guy being completely in control of his actions and demanding respect but once he gets home....he hits the meth. You can not sustain any type of relationship unless you have both sides of yourself in control.

She has received her thesis back. I refused to take it to her work. A mutual friend came by to get it. The friend indicated she was not wanting it to be over and was hoping there would be a note inside the thesis. I told the friend, it would have been great to just be friends but...CalGal wanted a lot more...and way too fast. I'm sure she could state multiple reasons why I should give her another chance but...once you say something, you can't take it back. Just like I could not ignore her A game, I also can't ignore her attempted controlling actions. 

Pop was a genius. He knew exactly how to control me, until I reached the age of reason. Even though we had a great deal of conflict, he was also teaching me life lessons. He would sometimes do the wrong thing and force me to correct it, in my own way....but it was, in the end....a teaching moment. Pop eventually realized I was simply and updated version....of him, with corrections where he needed to but didn't. If he were alive today, I am certain we would be very close. As I grew older....as in late teens to his death, I learned a ton of things about him but....I think he began to learn from me as well.

End rant


----------



## Chuck71

Loose Change

I am a very odd character. In many ways, I take pride in that. I stand tall and back up my beliefs. But that doesn't mean, I'm not crumbling inside. Even though I have moved on...and even recaptured "the fire" (thanks UG), it's a solvent, not a savior. When I go to the lake....I can see things, at times, before they happen. It's a weird feeling....but something many do not possess. A lot has to do with understanding, accepting, and understand and accepting. We can only control what we do. The actions of others, is simply out of our control. But....in Book 1...after Mike had the falling out with Angie and Cara...Mike proposes the question....,"If you could control their emotions....would you?" Mike replied no.

That is kind of where I am at now. I am moving forward but.....making preps for UG's return. The return holds nothing but....a first talk. Nothing after this is guaranteed. I have stipulations and, I'm sure she does too. When we first met, after hearing from her past, I may have well been a possible FWB deal or a short term thing until someone better came along. The power of being wanted by someone is a very powerful intoxicant. Then something weird happened.......all that crap she would say about....if I could mold a great guy....blah blah blah......I very well think....I possessed those qualities. So no wonder she fell like the Titanic. So in love she flew, putting me up on a pedestal. Perfection is not a human quality...so we all see what erodes, don't we? Enter resentment. Chuck you aren't perfect, you lied to me! 

Her loss of respect for me was the central theme of me blowing it up in the first place. Until that respect is re-established....I do not expect.....nor want....a return of her. I have out of nowhere flashes of scenes...where she realizes things....I won't go into detail but they all lead to a sit-down. That is wonderful but....until that time arrives, I have to move forward.....and if I meet someone....that is just how things go. But I have a much more vested interest in UG's return sit down, than I did WC's. "It will take her moving out to realize......" that is still my stance.

I used to joke, "we're playing house," or "you simply receive mail here." But it was much more than that. This was her home too. I wanted a child before marriage....yes it is selfish but I laid that card out early. Just like she told me, the one thing I never want you to do to me is cheat on me. Everyone else must have in her past. I'm not the cheating type. 

"If I could turn back the clock four months and fix where I messed up, I would." UG quote near the end. That is at least an acknowledgement. At the time, I would have accepted that and strove for owning it. Now....I accept only owning. You lose those perks when you walk out the door. 

You take just as much of a chance getting back together as you do with someone new. You just know where the schit stains are with the one you knew prior. Every dark moment in my life is followed by a daybreak. But I never know what that is. I have to trust the light and let it lead me. Would you want to know how things end when you reach the light? Right now...I'm not there yet. What would you want to happen....new thing or UG? I would want UG....the 2013-summer 2014 UG.....the one who simply walked in and obliterated my Wall. 

"A watched pot never boils"......it would be great to say....just immerse yourself in your hobbies until she returns. In truth....the brutal honesty is....we may never speak three words to each other the rest of our lives. She could also be at my door tonight at 1AM...crying...saying she made the biggest mistake of her life and wants to come back home. Whatever happens....will be somewhere in the middle. 

I have posted "popisms" before.....here is a few from "momisms".... mom and I are close, being she is the only family I have. Moms just know stuff.....she was the one that said, 'WC did you a favor...she set you free.' And it let me meet UG. He!! she even said....'you were empty for so long....you will find happiness before you know it and it will catch you completely off-guard.' Yeah....she was dead on. 

"She can lie to herself all she wants but when she is alone, ....when it's 10 at night and that feeling hits her, that she just lost you....she can't stop that hurt. Nothing can. She will realize what she's lost. And I stand by what I said when it all happened, when the dust settles...she will not leave you alone." But in the meantime....I have to move on. New gal, new story.....what about the outcome? Mom rarely speaks as Socrates but when she does, it is dead on. I just wish I knew ahead of time....which UG would show up. But that is life. Take your get out of jail free card and get that freak on you had back in the 1990's. Close a few bars at 3AM.....drag race.....but remember....you're not 25 anymore. Yeah but I can be 25 a few nights if my bones can rest afterwards.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" so true.....I can't believe it was a joke 25 years ago. If you love something, set it free. If it returns it was meant to be. If it doesn't, it never was. I sometimes can't help but question everything I did. Yoda has passed that realm. Yoda tells me things, I already know. Maybe it is just reassurance. A Jedi always questions himself from time to time. But a Jedi knows...in the end, the right avenue was taken....not for the present but....the future....however it is played out.

To complete the WC storyline...not that it was important....but her last try...will be her last. There are certain things you can say that reinforce earlier emotions. The last time she spoke of....is there anything left.....I told her.....,"I am sorry to say there is not. I met someone who reminds me so much of you in 1997. We can't have any tomorrows." Actually bothered me saying this....never thought of even mentioning it, until GP's question about WC recently.

I never called on Yoda with WC.....but have for UG. Guess that shows where my heart was.


----------



## Chuck71

I recall posting on ReGroup's thread about going to mom's for Christmas Eve 2012. WC expected me to stay with her...even though our D final was a month away. I didn't and the moment she realized this, she broke down. I hated to see her cry a river but....the mess was her creation. Cause and effect. I wrote my article at mom's after my traditional Eve watching of It's a Wonderful Life. Mom did not have the net, so I had to pull everything from memory. I really enjoyed doing that. It ended up being a better Christmas than I had thought it would. Mom loved the fact I stayed with her...that alone meant a lot to me.

I spoke on last year's Christmas in a blog. It was nice to feel part of a family. UG always had the cheap gifts...her parents and brother have quite a bit of money to burn. I made sure her gifts to her brother and dad were legendary. Not exactly expensive but thoughtful as well. She told me later she felt like a queen giving more than she received. Things a man does when he loves a woman.

Onto 2014...back to the square. Spent Eve with mom....after I got off work at 9:00. Unless it is dealing with my doctorate, I will never work an Eve past 5PM again. But I can't complain too much....around 7:00 a female asked me if I remembered her. It was a woman I had worked with back in 2001. She had noticed the problems I would have with WC and would say....you are too young to be like this. If she can't work with you, get out. She also indicated if we did separate, she was very attracted to me sexually. We plan to get together and "catch up." Thank you Santa Claus! I was a good boy this year! To beat it all....older woman too. She asked me if I had plans for New Year's Eve.

Every time I watch It's a Wonderful Life I take something from it. George and Mary Bailey......the central theme is George but...there are many others. Mary's actions throughout the masterpiece show something....what a competent wife would be willing to do for her husband. Then I ran my ADHD 724 thoughts per second and realized...how would WC or UG live up to that. I saw a lot of Mary in WC but...not consistent. I saw a lot of Mary in the one Christmas I was with UG.

Sometimes when you first meet a CoD they have a love tank overflowing. They are not aware it is more healthy to release it at a steady flow, so the tank will not empty. A CoD will flood everything immediately (think dopamine and heroine) and eventually...if the other party is not CoD, there is one tank nearing empty and the other....is still full but rationed things properly. When the love gauge goes off in the CoD...they expect the other to do the very same things they did. A non CoD knows this is unhealthy. When their tank dries up.....they spin out. Sound familiar?

Yoda says....let them go. They have to learn themselves how to distribute the love from the tank. They may never learn. When it is full again...they will seek you out. But are you prepared to repeat the same thing, if she has not improved on her mistakes. A person who can only give either 10% or 190% has unhealthy issues. Yoda says balance Luke..... 100% / 100%...balance. Once Luke learned this....he saved Darth Vader.

I had to say goodbye to my XBiL's dog. He had been with me since 2006. He is not scheduled for release until this spring. In his heyday, he ruled the countryside. He was eat up with cancer (vet said) and when I went to feed him...all he was doing was crying. I can't handle that. I hated to put him down but the pain he was in....I had to think of his position. Out of respect I asked WC if he would be okay with it. She said yes and thanked me for caring for him. It was my pleasure....he was a great dog.

Growing up....mom was a master caretaker. Pop was more a teacher. Each was more unbalanced but....balanced. If you become one in a marriage, then it was 100% mom caretaker, 100% pop teacher. Balance is balance. Mom knows I have not been in exactly a festive mood. I can fake it with anyone...just not mom. Moms just know stuff. She pulled a Socrates....as she always seems to when it's needed.

Merry Christmas everyone! I may post my 2014 pre-season NFL picks in the social spot for chits and grins. I had Pittsburgh going to the AFC Championship Game. When they secured a playoff berth last Sunday I had a five minute "O". If they win Sunday against Cincinnati, they will receive a #3 seed. A home win will give them a game at Denver for a chance at...the AFC Championship Game. Denver was who I predicted them to face in the championship game. I was close.....wasn't I?


----------



## Tron

Merry Christmas Chuck!


----------



## Chuck71

Merry Christmas Tron!


----------



## LongWalk

Perfect... has anyone ever pitched a truly perfect game, striking out every batter?

I used to day dream about playing baseball in the major leagues when I was 9 or 10 years old. It would be good enough to bat over .300. The really great shortstops didn't ever bat so high, but maybe someone could be forgiven for never averaging that high if they were a defensive wizard.

Would it be okay to be a major league player who never hit a homerun? Or maybe just an inside the park round the bases once in a while.

Imagine that some people are pretty satisfied to make to triple A ball for a couple of seasons. Life could be perfect with that even, really.

Having a kid is great. I know a couple with a retarded son. The wife kept suffering miscarriages. Finally, she spent an entire pregnancy in bed, or whatever stops the weak fetuses from spontaneously aborting. The kid smiled. They loved him but it was a sad kind of love.


----------



## Chuck71

It was amazingly sweet to see Pittsburgh defeat Cincinnati and win the AFC North for the first time in four years. If you are on my FB deal...I stated back in September the offense would have to carry the load with a defense wet behind the ears. But the defense will gel as the year unfolds. It came to pass....11-5 was my pre-season prediction. After going 3-3 and losing to Tampa and Cleveland....I was quite skeptical. But the next ten games...they went 8-2 and they should have won the two games they lost. Chuck asked himself...when do you think Pittsburgh really took off? He replied Week 7 against Houston. But Chuck...wasn't that when everything blew up with UG? I be damned it was. Maybe if we don't communicate for the next six weeks Pittsburgh will win the Super Bowl! Well....Chucky now alters his three day wait on emails to thirty days. Go Pittsburgh....be nice to see you win one for Chuck Noll!

I am fooling around with the dating sites. I tried them for a short time back in late 2012 / early 2013. I couldn't make a valid judgment since I was pulled off the market so quick. POF has this meet me deal. It's actually a way for females to flirt with guys, without being direct. After a new pic and....a drop in roughly forty pounds....Chuck may have his swagger back. Well after the actions of UG....I was able to get the fire back. Nice to have three dates lined up after being on there two days. We will see how those go. OKC...a couple of coffee deals....and one gal who intrigues me. I may have to quit work so I have time to date 

But we all know what psychos reside on dating sites. Let the cards fall where they may. Without going into much detail....pop always taught me to always tell a girl you think you may get serious with a deep dark secret. After the first sign of strife...watch what they do. WC eventually told my secret to mom. Recently....UG told my secret to my aunt (they text a lot, even after the blow-up). Funny thing is....this deep dark secret, mom has always known. Pop told me it was a character test....if a woman rats the secret out over a small beef...think what they will do in a more critical condition. Pop was a Yoda. This action by UG has really made me think...this is the real her. To say this indicated she is miserable and vindictive. Well....you can stew at the lipstick counter all you want. My free pass may turn into a permanent pass. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pebdzslqsrU


----------



## Ceegee

I hate putting this much faith in my Cowboys but I would love to see another matchup in the Super Bowl. 

Psychos exist on dating sites just as they do in the real world. 

I hear a lot about the sexfest that exists within the world of dating sites. That's just not who I am. I can see the allure of it. Also, it really says a lot about today's woman.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> I hate putting this much faith in my Cowboys but I would love to see another matchup in the Super Bowl.
> 
> Psychos exist on dating sites just as they do in the real world.
> 
> I hear a lot about the sexfest that exists within the world of dating sites. That's just not who I am. I can see the allure of it. Also, it really says a lot about today's woman.


Which Romo will show up? You can also meet a psycho at a book store. Got an email from CalGal....might be over fact she has a couple dishes still here at the house. No matter....I'm really tied up right now and will get around to opening it sometime next week, if then.

Popism-"If she drops her panties for you on the first date, she will for anyone." Pop always said....use good judgment. If it don't "feel" right....walk away. Much easier to see when the sky is blue.


----------



## Johnconrad

The Steelers got it together. I like them for the Super Bowl. Ben has never been better.

Now that I've gotten that out there, I must observe the Steelers got their act together only after that hideous loss to Tampa Bay AT HOME.

Yes, the same loss that eliminated me from the football pool.

Jerks.


----------



## ButtPunch

LongWalk said:


> Perfect... has anyone ever pitched a truly perfect game, striking out every batter?
> 
> NO
> 
> Would it be okay to be a major league player who never hit a homerun?
> 
> YES
> 
> .


----------



## ButtPunch

Steelers just picked up Ben Tate.

War Eagle!

I'll be pulling for the Cowboys and Packers in that order.


----------



## LongWalk

How can a guy like Tate know what plays the Steeler call, having been with the team such a short time?


----------



## Chuck71

The gal in which, intrigues me....we set a date for tomorrow / today. Meet at 7....take it from there. No expectations...watch the ball drop at her place or...a nearby sports bar solo. Much better than last year, when UG went to sleep at 10pm. Celebrated the New Year with her daughter and hubby. Entering the Tao.......where it ends up.....we will see.


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> The gal in which, intrigues me....we set a date for tomorrow / today. Meet at 7....take it from there. No expectations...watch the ball drop at her place or...a nearby sports bar solo. Much better than last year, when UG went to sleep at 10pm. Celebrated the New Year with her daughter and hubby. Entering the Tao.......where it ends up.....we will see.


Just don't take her to the lake yet.


----------



## Chuck71

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

She's an English teacher. Enjoys reading. CG...I may not need the lake


----------



## Chuck71

Very nice date. Again...the gal was articulate, well-mannered. Her strength was classic literature (a plus). Very sassy, spoke what she felt....reminded me a bit of mom at her age (a plus). Was a formal vocalist in a band. Magnificent voice! I was impressed. 

She asked me back to her place for the ball drop. She was nervous when we first met but....I tried to swing the topic to areas she had expertise in. There are certain things, as in body language, a female will do if they are really into a guy. These were observed.

She complimented me on how I handled myself (you walked in like you owned the place). When she said she loved my baby blue eyes....I thought....hmmmm. Well...her apartment was quite nasty....and she was on Christmas break (WC flashback). She has birds....four birds...cares for them like children (WC flashback). She has no children, has no desire for any. Thank you very much for being completely honest...I respect that.

Great date...but nothing there. Friends...sure...but how does that usually turn out? Looking towards the future....


----------



## Johnconrad

That friend zone is just so... much.... fun.


----------



## Chuck71

FWB? Play the game......it's not enriching. The friend thing was my call instead of saying....you remind me of my XW. Lousy housekeeper, off from work to boot and insulate themselves with animals. Went that road, blew it up years ago JC.

Two coffee dates 1-1-15.....one there wasn't anything in common. I think she considered it rude when I did not fall over my feet to gawk at her. Was not that attractive and.... inflated personality. She saw me as arrogant.....really! Said her husband left her and never looked back....yeah so would I.

Second....I liked what I saw, great composure. A bit large but carried herself with grace. I like that...and she admitted it. What she did not admit to....was she had two children....in junior high. Her profile indicated they were both over 18 and she wanted more kids. Lies on a first meet....NEXT

I think some of these dating sites need a "deal breaker" area. I am considering making one myself. I am getting a ton of hits, likes, whatever you call it. But when the opening line is "hi" my BS meter turns on. If I formulate open ended comments to allow her to expand upon something and she replies with a one-two-three word reply.....my attention is gone. They either seek attention or are so shallow I don't care what they look like. But isn't that what you hear all the females complaining about...... LOL yeah.

I try to insinuate the best possible way to the older women....I like your picture, I like your profile...but if you have no desire for any more children....I respect that, but I do. Respect my requests to. Friendship sure....but don't expect a damn relationship....it will not happen. BTW there are some gorgeous women out there in their 40s.....WOW


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck, what is your organic world like?


----------



## Chuck71

you mean what do I eat?


----------



## Johnconrad

Chuck71 said:


> FWB? Play the game......it's not enriching. The friend thing was my call instead of saying....you remind me of my XW. Lousy housekeeper, off from work to boot and insulate themselves with animals. Went that road, blew it up years ago JC.
> 
> Two coffee dates 1-1-15.....one there wasn't anything in common. I think she considered it rude when I did not fall over my feet to gawk at her. Was not that attractive and.... inflated personality. She saw me as arrogant.....really! Said her husband left her and never looked back....yeah so would I.
> 
> Second....I liked what I saw, great composure. A bit large but carried herself with grace. I like that...and she admitted it. What she did not admit to....was she had two children....in junior high. Her profile indicated they were both over 18 and she wanted more kids. Lies on a first meet....NEXT
> 
> I think some of these dating sites need a "deal breaker" area. I am considering making one myself. I am getting a ton of hits, likes, whatever you call it. But when the opening line is "hi" my BS meter turns on. If I formulate open ended comments to allow her to expand upon something and she replies with a one-two-three word reply.....my attention is gone. They either seek attention or are so shallow I don't care what they look like. But isn't that what you hear all the females complaining about...... LOL yeah.
> 
> I try to insinuate the best possible way to the older women....I like your picture, I like your profile...but if you have no desire for any more children....I respect that, but I do. Respect my requests to. Friendship sure....but don't expect a damn relationship....it will not happen. BTW there are some gorgeous women out there in their 40s.....WOW


Lots of disappointment with men creates a pretty big field.


----------



## Chuck71

old Tiger Stadium comes to mind.......


----------



## Ceegee

Where do you hang? 

What's your social world like?


----------



## Chuck71

at the moment.... dating sites, academia, coffee shops, and I make it a point to

go into malls, stores at least once a day. I hang with my old friends.

I have been to a few meet ups.


----------



## Chuck71

The lake has personal meaning to me. It is a setting for tranquil thought. A perfect reservoir for reflection. Being on National Park land....things never change. We all know my ideals on change. Coming of age moments seem to appear out of nowhere. Yet in each case, the set and setting are clear as day.

Kicking up dust is an action I am not real familiar with. Rarely would one see me doing so. Recently...I had a shift in ideals. Historically I have been a relationship bouncer. From one to another...date until you find what you are looking for. This time will be different. As I sat on the rock....sipping a glass of JD....the wind picked up. It began to sprinkle and the wind was blowing, maybe 30 mph. As I paused for reflection of how 2014 entered and was ending, the shift occurred. 

Could it possibly be your 1st love is getting a divorce and she has made it clear....she wants us to return to 1990? Maybe it would be the fact you are chatting with your 2nd love? Serial dating has never been in my repertoire, until now. It is quite enjoyable and unique. As long as you walk in with an understanding of human behavior.... it's not a hard play to call. Meeting 4-5 women a week...it is quite new to me. You can learn something from each meeting. 

Let the winds swirl. Things will fall...where they fall. I finally understood where I could connect the fire to the Tao, it can be an amazing ride. But a certain dilemma arose...... there is actually a third. But I have no idea what the third is. I'm searching, I'm hungry.... for something...and I do not yet even know what it is. 

Maybe the power should go out and give me a chance to grab my headphones and listen to the Midnight Snack on 106.5. Bon Jovi maybe?


----------



## Ceegee

Interesting choice on the music.... When were they great? Around 1990?

Is returning to a past love (either of them) an option? How often do you think about that?


----------



## Chuck71

This occurred in the spring of 1987. That was when Bon Jovi was 'the deal.' I spoke on this a year ago, as a coming of age moment. 

I have no intention of returning to either. Not one minute strand of thought. They're all part of an overall process. The day I would return to either would be the day Group and QL would be on the cover of Time Magazine as Couple of the Year


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## Ceegee

So you're saying there's a chance. 😬


----------



## Chuck71

don't bet on long shots


----------



## Ceegee

Any new coffeehouse rendezvous?


----------



## Chuck71

I want to learn....but I don't want to. The dates are still frequent...one has potential. She is a special ed teacher and I was as well for a number of years. Great sense of humor and we relate on our jobs. I gave her a three minute synopsis on my trilogy and......"I have to read it." Sure....she contemplated a nice home cooked meal if she could read some afterwards. YAY! One child, 15....wants more. Possible....we shall see.

Another who is in logistics....we connected while on the phone. Same bands, same attitude. No kids, 38, wants kids. We met....she melted like butter. Let's raise our Co-D radar. Not sure yet......wait n see. Comes from a highly well-to-do family....note to self, study the dynamics.

I met with my 2nd love and we spoke in great detail. We hashed out some things that were on the table for nearly twenty years. "Guys like you just didn't like girls like me." "Sorry hun...I don't fool with airheads. I loved you for what you represented. You classified me as a surfer dude, all looks and no brains. The main reason I made the President's List that semester we were at the same college was to show you....I'm deeper than that." "Chuck in the end I knew that but we had created such a battlefield." "If we had met five years later....."

My second love and I did get intimate. First time since the vacation of 1996, spoken on a year ago. It brought back memories but, the bad things too. Again....who she was in 1991-92 was what I wanted to remember. Good God she was amazing....anytime I felt the crush of college....she would be there to save grace. When she told me how I re-shaped her life in so many ways....I could have easily fallen back into it easily. We have a 1991 Christmas Dance photo that.....God it takes me back. I hated dances but I knew it meant a lot to her. She shocked me with a set of cards that Christmas.....wasn't much but she was still in high school. I gave her a promise ring. 

We were making out on NYE '91 and I so hated for that year to end. The vacation we had in 1996 did lead to a book (LOL). For a week, we were just like we were in 1991. I would not trade anything for that week. Neither of us were, who we were five years earlier. But for that one week.....we recaptured the magic of yesterday. For that alone, I will always love her. But not in the way, that is healthy.


----------



## Chuck71

current front runner......41....no kids, wants kids if Mr. Right came along. Now for the red flag............she is finishing her RN. 2nd love was a nurse....UG was a nurse / med assistant...... anyone see a pattern? Best friend from high school, married HS sweetheart...nurse....ended two years later. I was best man....thought they were the couple to make it 50 years. Flip up the Co-D meter....might be, may be.....but maybe she was a UG who reformed herself? We shall see......


----------



## angstire

Speaking from experience with nurses, tread carefully.


----------



## Ceegee

You are really attracted to care-givers and nurturers. 

Why is that?


----------



## Ceegee

Ceegee said:


> You are really attracted to care-givers and nurturers.
> 
> Why is that?



Not an indictment btw. 

I am too. 

Your CoD meter and attraction meter are the same instrument.


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> You are really attracted to care-givers and nurturers.
> 
> Why is that?


Not attracted to caregivers. WC was not in that area. When I met 2nd 

love, she was not yet a nurse. In this area...many people go into teaching or

nursing, being they are highly employable.


----------



## Chuck71

1st love and I had a very informative meeting. She explained to me why she was divorcing him. I did ask if she sat him down and told him what she was wanting. Anyway....we took an incredible walk down memory lane. She made it clear she wants a relationship with me, especially since UG's departure. I indicated it would be more healthy if you waited to get involved with anyone until your D was final. "I have a feeling he will try and get back with you and I will not allow myself to be in that triangle."

Temptation.....oh yes. Like I stated a year ago, of all four of my past loves....1st love and I matched up better than any....even WC. She is the type....if you allow yourself to fall, she is as addictive as cocaine. You dance with Devil when you deal with women like this. Pop warned me about these types. A sad thing is....when I posted a recent pic on FB....she immediately messaged me. In short....every time I see your pics it reminds me of how bad I messed things up years ago. 

Mom and pop loved her to death. Course that was many years ago. Chuck....what happens if she still wants something after the D is final? I don't know......a new beginning with her? I don't see it. Some exciting sexual exploits...... *smiles*..... but be careful....you're dancing with the Devil. No one ever was able to read my thoughts like WC but.....in the few years 1st love and I were together....she was very quick to pick up on it.

We had "our song" when we were together. But she never was told of the "Last Song." The one which carried me through the hard times after it was over. I played the song for her.....it was never a released song. Yes she did have tears. 1st love and WC....were a lot similar. A friend told me 1st love was erotic, somewhat like Marylyn Monroe. Back in the 90's...WC was gorgeous. I connect these two in many ways. 2nd love and UG....I connect as well. Reason why I opened the door for 2nd love. Those two were nurses.

I am so grateful Boston's Third Stage came out before anything else. It was pre-UG, WC, 2nd love, 1st love.....even "Angie." GREAT album, hands down. But the last song..... Hollyann. Maybe that is the one becoming, beginning, or ..... upcoming. 

Oh..... the song.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWTwfZ9PQEU


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Your CoD meter and attraction meter are the same instrument.


I would like to think that would be a false statement. Any time I have met someone and it lasted even for a brief while.....just by their actions, I pretty much knew what was going to occur... after the first date. Keen insight or a repeated pattern?

I have no problem attracting people.....as in UG's case...she went directly in for the kill. I do not wish to commit to the first gal who opens the bedroom door. That is why I wanted the winds to swirl.

I have a Top5 list I keep in my back pocket. Who, what, when, where....are we planning to, and my own symbols for quick reference. The list changes daily sometimes. Several times I almost got them mixed up. Last night I was emailing with #2 while she was at work and out of nowhere I get this.....

"Ok I have a question. Do you like to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie when it's raining or cold out side."

No we have not met yet. SMH.  Date is an early date and "take it from there." Guys....is it just me or do you kind of already know how tomorrow will go?


----------



## Chuck71

Recently I invited 2nd love over to the house for a quiet evening. It was somewhat tense, being we were intimate the last time. Long story short...she spent the night. She expressed a weird feeling, being I sleep in the master bedroom. When we dated...yeah....side bedroom. Still hard to believe how things have changed over the past two decades. FWB.....might be. It's really all we were the last two summers together.

We continued to get several things off of our chest. A lot were things we both had forgotten about. I did want her to listen to the song that carried me through our last "true" break-up....in 1994. There were tears but.....she is one to get emotional (gee...fun huh).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BMwcO6_hyA

To give her due diligence.... she did have one for me as well. I did recall it. My HS running buddy, his sister (yes she was hot), and I were traveling to a video store back in May '95. He saw her as she was passing by my car and waved. I was (as told later) cold and unemotional and looked away. Few days passed and guess who calls. We talked, met, she stated she still loved me but....that look in her eyes was gone. We did enjoy a fun filled summer '95 and she did want me to understand how she felt about us getting back together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImSJKgsXpiI

To this day, I stand by, "had we met five years later." But the person she was five years later was nothing I had any desire to be with. It's fun to think what if but...if you know it could never be, it's a buzz kill. Too bad we couldn't go back to when we were teenagers. For six summers....we did connect.


----------



## Chuck71

Feeling it should be fair to list all things in threes, being that bad things always happen in threes it seems. I previously mentioned WC's spaghetti deal back in 2013. I did feel an urge to go to her place but I didn't. There was a bit more to the story.

After we spoke and WC left, I stayed out in the yard for a short while. I ran thoughts through my head about how great things were...at one time, yet none were recent. I flashed back to the recent occurrences and had the "taste of chit in my mouth." I reflected upon a post from back in December 2012.... "Will she return a short time down the road, you can bet the farm. But that will be after time has passed and....feelings have changed. I could be starting a new thing with someone and it may look promising. Why would I wish to return to someone who gave up after 15 years and would not even try to work it out as the end date approached?" 


When you walk out on someone....you actually burn bridges. It's funny all the bad things she said about me, she apologized for in the "letter" about a year later. The fairy tale ride UG and I took may have seemed like a fairy tale simply because, she met all the needs WC had not. Scientists surmise heroin and cocaine are the strongest dopamine enhances. I can't make a personal decision on these but...when I did....finally fall for UG.....it was free and I can not perceive those two drugs, even coming close.

To this day I miss her, WC, "Southern drawl" and country style quotes. No one will ever say, 'sho thang shugah pii' as she did. Someday, down the road, WC and I will talk openly, as in void of any re-connect. And we will hash out numerous things, eye to eye. Unlike 1st love whom, I will always view as the 'mysterious one who was forced to get away' and 2nd, 'will always love but only, back in the day,' there will not be any possible sexual endeavors with WC. If you saw her dating site pic from 2013, you'd know why LOL.

Yes there was a song I had WC listen to. Yes it carried me through some really rough times. I do it with, all of them. None were 'crying in my beer' songs, they were about walking forward but remembering, what there was at one time. I can listen to 1st love's, 2nd love and WC's without feeling anything but......at one time.....those songs were special to me.

Wc's song..........and I hate country music, to beat it all......


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2en4ofkt1eo 

Yes.....UG's is ready.....just need the set and setting. Not completely sure but I believe she came by my work the other night as we were closing. She has my FB and email. Leave it there unless she is ballsy enough to face me. I doubt it....so......keep on 'a movin'..........


----------



## hope4family

My friend, your life is like portal. So many different paths and memories. I am reminded of my own. 

It is funny how we often wish we had met someone earlier or later in life. There is a Proverb, about the mystery of two people falling for each other, at the same time. Called "one of the great mystery's" if I recall it correctly. So true.


----------



## Chuck71

2nd love and UG were very different in comparison to me

WC and 1st love....matched in many ways. 1st love and I could have made the 

long haul had it not been for her childhood. To this very day, she is still running.

I don't see it ever stopping. Same deal with WC.


----------



## Chuck71

Just an update...... the 41 nurse...nice, meet went well. Came to my place to watch a movie....didn't finish it. Met the parents, who she in fact, lives with her mom. Wasn't aware of this.... radar up. We will see.

Met an older woman, did not want kids but seemed to make for a fun low budget date. One strange thing was....she was 6'3. Yes I made sure LOL Anyway she is a vocalist for a semi well-known group in north Georgia. After a chat meet she informs me she cannot walk in six inch stilettos but asked me to see how she looks in them. Guys...use your imagination.

The 38 year old I mentioned previously, she was somewhat erratic during the entire meet. Very odd mannerisms...make a long story short, she informs me she is on bi-polar meds. She made a comment about smoking and my reply, "Yes and that is coming from a person on 12 prescription drugs....and smoke weed daily." By the end of the date, she has possibly of making my Top 5 all-time psycho dates. She does not know where I live....thank God! 

Very conservative 35 year old female, family oriented, well rounded values.... so far so good. Making out but nothing....serious. Not yet.....we seem to have a connection.

Met one much older on a friend date.....she was one if I could turn back time. She hates to mow her yard and I do love homemade biscuits and the fixins..... we can see how that goes but, nothing more. Really great woman.

One is 41, active in a church, very conservative, too conservative to a degree. Is open to children, is okay with my vices....(yeah...let's get to 50k here) but is captivated with my exploits. I'm a tad curious here.... this one has serious potential but......I am still on red alert. I'm me....don't change me....it is futile.

And on to the most obscure..... the 1st love. There have been recent wind gusts of 50 mph. Let's call this a full court press. She is the same walking bombshell she was in my memory. I have yet to dance with the Devil but I feel the heat. She is highly intoxicated by the remembrance of the past being in full view. In some ways, I feel the tug of yesterday, in others....my profiling side says CYA.

She offered something near and dear to me but I will keep this between us and I will tell Yoda. This conversation occurred..."I want to take you to dinner, my treat." "Thank you 1st love but am I expected to put out if you pay?" "I expect you too." We also had "truth time." 

Having the fire and the Tao is freaking awesome.....and I feel the third....somewhere. A cute concept is 1st love is circling the wagons and bashing the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th love. Yes I profile and have pop's wisdom. Winds will swirl.....but this is exactly what I sought. 

Hey Chuck.....any word from UG? Who....oh...a woman called work asking about my hours. We shall see..... (chit eating grin).......


----------



## hope4family

I love your update. 

Adult, man-to-man question. How do you feel about all your "options"? To me, while variety is the spice of life, I crave more what is not easily attained. If there is no challenge, I lose interest easily.

Now that being said, I appreciate a mature woman who has the courage, guts, and loves themselves enough to tell me what it is they want. It makes for an exciting exchange. 

I feel that you desire something similar and that is the appeal.


----------



## Chuck71

My options are many and scattered. This is the first time I have "gotten my freak on" since the summer of '97. It is a blast but.... yeah, it's not something I intend to do the rest of the year. If there is a shared benefit and both are agreeable....ride the waves. But make understood going in....this will not lead to anything. I think if I am very into a woman...I would actually hope we did not go to bed together on the first date. At my age...I'm not doing the teen run your hand here or run your hand up her top....you want it....action not words. We're old enough to know the score.

I love to party but....not like I did in the 80s and 90s. Most of my life, I have been more a "familty type" guy. That has not changed. I strongly desire having child(ren). At my age, the first two options are date very young or date near my age with ones who are open to another child. Their previous children are either fully grown or late teens. A blended family where she has two children seven and five and bringing additional into it, is highly complicated. Then if a female is around 40 with no kids and never married.... what is the first thing that runs through your mind? Then you discover their longest relationship was 3-4 years. Oh at the questions which pour through my cranium. 

Intrigue is all a part of the master agenda. Anywhere from a first date "wet spot" to a "not until marriage," one must find their equilibrium. My desire is, somewhere in the middle. Of my four noted loves, they all fell before me. Not saying my arse wasn't right behind them. It took the longest with UG...but when I fell, yeah it was pure. Playing the field is a cool deal....I never had time to from WC to UG but.....I miss that "one." Not saying "The One" just "one". Do I still love UG.....I will not lie....I still do. But forward is my only option. I still stand behind everything I said previously.

I have several issues with the 41 church gal. I will detail those at a later time. I have issues with the 35 y/o, same thing applies. The 6'3 gal....she is too old to have children and we were fair with one another up front. My IC said you should not dismiss anyone.....I fired her. Just as I did back in January of 2013. I love her as a sister I never had but.....some things I will not bend on. 

2nd love and I are still talking. It's hard to disconnect a reconnect when there was something so special at one time, for several years. Do I still care about her, I do....but not in a way that would lead to anything. I am 99.9% certain she would say the same thing. If we became 3x a week FWB....I would be okay with that. She would too. Not insinuating we would. But we were "king and queen" at one time. You can't say that with many opposite sex friends.

I did have an odd meet. She and I met, low budget meet and greet. My ticket was $15, hers was $80. I saw the writing on the wall early. This move is a total "popism." I excused myself and paid for my end and twice what mine was on hers...left her with the rest. Yeah....I got a reaction later. "How can I make it up to you?' "Girl...you really can't." Cute...yes, but not the type I seek. First impressions....yeah.

One new entry is a 37 shy gal who plays innocence. Seen that movie...we have a second date at her place, she will make homemade chili. I laughed to myself. But I will humor her. My homemade chili is my capture move. Step two in a three step process of taking a gal I really like, in for the kill. I have yet to reach the chili stage. I took UG and LOL her parents all three in for the kill back in 2013. 

On to the last....and the first. Had we ended on a semi-bad note, we would have had a chance. But the way things went down in 1990....we will never have a "complete recapture." I have known this nearly 25 years. Things will not change, even if she grants me my certain wish. What can't be, will never be.....period. Could we be co-parents....I think we could. There is a huge story behind that but....it will not be told on TAM. Do I believe it....not really but, I will admit, in the past...if she says she will do something, she is the type to walk the walk. 

A truth can be a lie if cast in doubt. Another's perception can very well be their version of reality. Just cut through the smoke and mirrors. When a choice is usually presented as a heaven or he!! moment, one has to be patient and rationalize the outcome. Usually the "trueism" comes out eventually. Pop used to joke, "Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait." With 1st love I can easily visualize pop giving me advice. 

I can't really say too much negativity about UG, being I saw her at her very best. She saw me at my best. But the best is less, compared to the rest being we are all human creatures. After all the bad actions.....let me stop here, this is for another diatribe. As a side note, 2nd love and I busted up around the 22 month mark. 2nd love and UG are very similar. I was as close to falling for a girl as I could possibly be when....guess who was steaming from the background, 2nd love. We all know history does repeat itself but.....is that a good or a bad thing????

To touch all the bases....I still miss my Mil more than I ever have missed WC......take it for what it is worth. She died in 2007. It's so hilarious how first loves expects something from 1989 to re-appear. I'm sorry but.....I'm not that man anymore.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hzDSzQ0rzA FF to 2:00


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> My options are many and scattered. This is the first time I have "gotten my freak on" since the summer of '97. It is a blast but.... yeah, it's not something I intend to do the rest of the year. If there is a shared benefit and both are agreeable....ride the waves. But make understood going in....this will not lead to anything. I think if I am very into a woman...I would actually hope we did not go to bed together on the first date. At my age...I'm not doing the teen run your hand here or run your hand up her top....you want it....action not words. We're old enough to know the score.
> 
> 
> 
> I love to party but....not like I did in the 80s and 90s. Most of my life, I have been more a "familty type" guy. That has not changed. I strongly desire having child(ren). At my age, the first two options are date very young or date near my age with ones who are open to another child. Their previous children are either fully grown or late teens. A blended family where she has two children seven and five and bringing additional into it, is highly complicated. Then if a female is around 40 with no kids and never married.... what is the first thing that runs through your mind? Then you discover their longest relationship was 3-4 years. Oh at the questions which pour through my cranium.
> 
> 
> 
> Intrigue is all a part of the master agenda. Anywhere from a first date "wet spot" to a "not until marriage," one must find their equilibrium. My desire is, somewhere in the middle. Of my four noted loves, they all fell before me. Not saying my arse wasn't right behind them. It took the longest with UG...but when I fell, yeah it was pure. Playing the field is a cool deal....I never had time to from WC to UG but.....I miss that "one." Not saying "The One" just "one". Do I still love UG.....I will not lie....I still do. But forward is my only option. I still stand behind everything I said previously.
> 
> 
> 
> I have several issues with the 41 church gal. I will detail those at a later time. I have issues with the 35 y/o, same thing applies. The 6'3 gal....she is too old to have children and we were fair with one another up front. My IC said you should not dismiss anyone.....I fired her. Just as I did back in January of 2013. I love her as a sister I never had but.....some things I will not bend on.
> 
> 
> 
> 2nd love and I are still talking. It's hard to disconnect a reconnect when there was something so special at one time, for several years. Do I still care about her, I do....but not in a way that would lead to anything. I am 99.9% certain she would say the same thing. If we became 3x a week FWB....I would be okay with that. She would too. Not insinuating we would. But we were "king and queen" at one time. You can't say that with many opposite sex friends.
> 
> 
> 
> I did have an odd meet. She and I met, low budget meet and greet. My ticket was $15, hers was $80. I saw the writing on the wall early. This move is a total "popism." I excused myself and paid for my end and twice what mine was on hers...left her with the rest. Yeah....I got a reaction later. "How can I make it up to you?' "Girl...you really can't." Cute...yes, but not the type I seek. First impressions....yeah.
> 
> 
> 
> One new entry is a 37 shy gal who plays innocence. Seen that movie...we have a second date at her place, she will make homemade chili. I laughed to myself. But I will humor her. My homemade chili is my capture move. Step two in a three step process of taking a gal I really like, in for the kill. I have yet to reach the chili stage. I took UG and LOL her parents all three in for the kill back in 2013.
> 
> 
> 
> On to the last....and the first. Had we ended on a semi-bad note, we would have had a chance. But the way things went down in 1990....we will never have a "complete recapture." I have known this nearly 25 years. Things will not change, even if she grants me my certain wish. What can't be, will never be.....period. Could we be co-parents....I think we could. There is a huge story behind that but....it will not be told on TAM. Do I believe it....not really but, I will admit, in the past...if she says she will do something, she is the type to walk the walk.
> 
> 
> 
> A truth can be a lie if cast in doubt. Another's perception can very well be their version of reality. Just cut through the smoke and mirrors. When a choice is usually presented as a heaven or he!! moment, one has to be patient and rationalize the outcome. Usually the "trueism" comes out eventually. Pop used to joke, "Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait." With 1st love I can easily visualize pop giving me advice.
> 
> 
> 
> I can't really say too much negativity about UG, being I saw her at her very best. She saw me at my best. But the best is less, compared to the rest being we are all human creatures. After all the bad actions.....let me stop here, this is for another diatribe. As a side note, 2nd love and I busted up around the 22 month mark. 2nd love and UG are very similar. I was as close to falling for a girl as I could possibly be when....guess who was steaming from the background, 2nd love. We all know history does repeat itself but.....is that a good or a bad thing????
> 
> 
> 
> To touch all the bases....I still miss my Mil more than I ever have missed WC......take it for what it is worth. She died in 2007. It's so hilarious how first loves expects something from 1989 to re-appear. I'm sorry but.....I'm not that man anymore.....
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hzDSzQ0rzA FF to 2:00



Chuck, I get this feeling that your past clouds your present. 

How can you freely move forward with all of these "experiences" lingering and reappearing. 

I only say this because that's how I would feel if I were in your shoes. 

You may certainly be different.


----------



## AFPhoenix

ButtPunch said:


> War Eagle!


WAR EAGLE!!!

Did i ever mention that BOFA is an Alabama fan? Makes for interesting conversations sometimes....lol


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## Chuck71

AFPhoenix said:


> WAR EAGLE!!!
> 
> Did i ever mention that BOFA is an Alabama fan? Makes for interesting conversations sometimes....lol


I seem to recall. CalGal aka PsychoGal was a War Eagle grad.

Glad to see you in the LaD section brother

Too bad things haven't turned out as planned for RB


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## AFPhoenix

It's good to be here Chuck. 

Yes, things have been unraveling it seems for Raider. She has been putting pressure on D17. D17 has no interest in spending time with her mother and Raider due to Raider constantly complaining about how i'm not paying her alimony any more and that she has no one to talk to. Raider also suggested having her wedding the day after D17's graduation.

I can only shake my head. BOFA keeps asking me what I'm going to do when Raider shows up on my doorstep.


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## Chuck71

AFPhoenix said:


> Raider also suggested having her wedding the day after D17's graduation.
> 
> I can only shake my head. BOFA keeps asking me what I'm going to do when Raider shows up on my doorstep.


Her pride is 'making her marry Jack Schit' to save face.....

RB will seek out your weakness, exploit it, use the kids in any way, and

in a last ditch effort.... toss out her snatch. Clockwork....

RB sometimes reminds me of Queen Lizard's little sister (ReGroup thread)

stay at 50k feet, observe.... every Jedi fears facing Vader the first time

after the first... gets easier....


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Chuck, I get this feeling that your past clouds your present.
> 
> How can you freely move forward with all of these "experiences" lingering and reappearing.
> 
> I only say this because that's how I would feel if I were in your shoes.
> 
> You may certainly be different.


If one recalls....in the third Matrix, Neo returns to the Machine City. He returns to the source. The cover photo on my FB page has a picture of Neo submitting to the Machine City. The Tao requires a submission...one cannot pick and chose. This is detailed in CS Lewis' "Abolition of Man." 

To revisit the past is not, a return to it. My reconnects were unable to be accomplished in the past. For 15+ years... I was with WC and for almost two years...UG. Capturing times gone by is a great thing. But it should not be in comparison to moving forward. With 2nd love...there was nothing expected or wanted going in. We have history...but that's about it. It was great to bring up things during our six summers together. It actually justified the book I had written... detailing our vacation. During the vacation...the book poses reflections of things which occurred before. There are numerous great moments...and a handful of sad ones. I will never regret meeting her nearly 25 years ago.

The 1st love will always carry a place in my heart. That's just...the way it is. Again... no chance of a recapture. Even if she wants it.... it can't be. Her actions from the past...solidified a full return to "wonderland," will not take place. She is a tortured and tormented soul. She really deserved a much better life than she has lived. I will always be a friend to her. We will always have those summer nights at the lake. As I watched her sleep... I kept seeing the girl she was a lifetime ago. I even played the song, the last song, with she and I. There were not any emotions while it played. That was validation for myself. My "5th" will not be a repeat of either. Wouldn't be a 5th then. The "committee" is reviewing transcripts and are expected to make a nomination soon.

I will refrain from getting specific on my dating life. When the 5th and I are settled in...I will do an update. I never posted much on UG....if things were going great, what's there to post? The winds continue to swirl.... but there is no cloud cover. Eventually.... the winds will dissipate and... the birds will come out singing. Just not yet..... 

I have hunch but am sitting on it..... Yoda is in agreement. Allow me to use the term.... carpenoctem. 

This is a link used a second time......





 
This is the future...... focus on 3:00 to 3:30


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## Chuck71

It was only Yesterday

Yes it has been 25 years ago but....the memory seems like it was 25 days ago. The first time 1st love and I broke up. It was a first for both of us. We did not know how to act. Do you still call him / her? Do you still walk up and hug them? After a couple days, it set in. I can say on my end, it was a brutal pain...something I had never experienced before. We ended up "getting back together" a week later but nothing felt right. So we parted again. I know on her end, she had numerous suitors lined up around the block. Her look... think Michelle Pfeiffer in the 1980's.

The second break up was the hardest. And just to pour salt in the wound.... the #1 song at this time was "Love will lead you Back" by Taylor Dane. Yes I can still hear it today and flash back. For a week, I moped around, would not eat, and threw a pity party. One morning...I contacted my running buddy, we were going to the lake...yes "the lake" but it's power was yet to be known. He and his g/f / future wife / XW took me there while I slammed way too many beers. I walked into the water that night and went under. Call it a personal baptism. It felt like one....in the Baptist faith, I have been saved but not yet baptized. 

This is the point where the lake became a "seductive mistress." I wiped myself off and ventured on. I had no clue that multiple girls wanted to go out with me. I thought I must have had a huge boil on my head or something. For the next two weeks.....it was an awesome ride. Would have multiple dates at the same diner... you do get weird looks from the waitresses. I was not sure how 1st love was coping during this time but....by schit I was doing just fine. Once 1st love caught wind of me....enjoying myself too much....yeah....take a guess.

It was April 1990....as the day approached I noticed a perfect pattern emerging. There were two girls who separated themselves from the rest. 1st love wanted us to meet before she went to work. One girl was going to a friend's house and...wanted me to meet her that afternoon. The other was on a school trip but wanted me to pick her up in the campus parking lot. Yes I still remember the day....vividly...from 9AM until 3AM. And only a month before....I thought no one would ever want me. Call that "teen speak." 

The girl on a school trip emerged as the next gal. We were connecting quick (we were teens DUH) and somewhere off in the distance, 1st love's secret female radar must have went off. Did I still care and love her...yes I did. But this new girl....showed me a newer reality. We flew high and fast...touched the Sun and....well guess who wanted to come in for a truce? Yeah...1st love. We sat at a country church one night and talked for hours. For the first time, in my life...I had to make a choice. In hindsight, I made the wrong choice but at the time, the right choice. I always regretted not sailing off with the new gal. But I would have always wondered what if with 1st love. 

A year later, I knew the answer. But the way everything played out, I met "the one that got away" (spoke on a year ago) and... 2nd love. 1991 began as a miserable year....and ended up being one of the best ever. Recent posts on 2nd love and 1991 NYE verify this.

A wise old man told me once....if you treated the women with kindness, they will always return. Then it is your choice. So far... he is 3 for 3. He will soon be 4 for 4. But the outcome apparently will....remain the same. No change in the outcome, just the faces. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO6xhLtfwW0


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## Chuck71

Between work and writing, sometimes I get to the point of wanting to run away. Tonight I want to run back 19 years. After pop's death, I received a sympathy card from 2nd love with a very detailed message. We had not spoken in....I guess nine months. I called her up, for some reason, at 2AM but I knew she worked 2nds and would have been up. Yes I was quite "lit" and after hanging up a few rings in...my phone rang. We spoke for about four hours that night.

Granted there was nothing there like before but we were "good for each other" at the time. You really have to "know" someone for her to come by the house not long after the chat and....her walk up to me and say she wants to be #$%%%$# like the naughty girl she has been. We again, became FWB, just like the summer prior. A female whom I had dated the year prior came to pop's funeral and wanted me to stay in touch with her. Her little sister answered the phone one evening and....yeah...anyways

One must remember, this new gal, her parents were morticians. So she could be called MG....we started dating....yes her older sister was PO'd. Right about the time we started to "get in synch" guess who wanted to suddenly start telling me she loved me on the phone.....just one guess here LOL

The one thing I always regretted with 2nd love was not taking her for a walk on the beach at night. Her mom invited me to go a couple times...back in our early years but God only knows at the "restrictions" we would have had. 2nd love called me out of the blue and asked me, if I wanted to go see a movie with her. Which meant....putting out later *smile*. After everything was 'done' we were sitting by my car and I mentioned, we should take a vacation. The stars lined up and....that was that. If you knew the whole back story, that was a massive task.

I covered the room, she covered the food and trinkets. The room was non smoking but she hated smoke, I would have went outside anyway. Every day was pure magic....she showed me parts of her I had not seen in years and others, I had never seen. Back then...I would not go to sleep until 3AM about every night...especially on vacation and at the beach. The sex was more emotional...a lot like it was way back in 1991. "You took my virginity and I have never regretted it once. You will always hold a place in my heart."

Each night....she would go to sleep before me....and I would pour some cheap Vodka and head to the beach (she went to sleep early often from, venturing out and drinking with me). God at the reflections....days gone by, years gone by. I had just graduated undergrad and was.....gasp....24. Since she was covering the trinkets, I grabbed a few classic Heart albums at a store. Little Queen and Magazine. Magazine had a remake of "Without You." That is the one song.....that I can still hear and....take me right back.

The last night there was my birthday. 2nd love took me out, whole nine yards. After a fun filled night of drinks and "kinks" she was passed out and there I was....awake at the beach (the he!! you say). I knew I wanted to soak every second in....because it was never to be again. A bit sad but very happy we rode off into the sunset as we entered...back in 1991. No she did not know this yet....

We had issues, just like anyone else. But for that one week...we owned the world. I got to walk with her on the beach...at night....and write our initials in the sand (think lyrics from Skid Row...I Remember You). I was able to watch her stagger after a few drinks, see parts of her soul I had not seen in years, and know she may not be my future but she did a great deal in re-shaping it. As for her....you'd have to ask her. Which I recently did......to say it "touched" me would be a grave understatement.

The last night.....I woke up at 5AM, nude, blinds open, one foot over the couch, Pink Floyd's The Wall playing on VH-1 and no clue how I got there. Maybe that is a secret 2nd love will carry to her grave.....

FF to 1:05 and 2:05 and 3:50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivFYVAntpw0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Kdy6SIiIio


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## Chuck71

Let's bring a few things together......75 pounds and stuck.... 100 or bust. I walked into 199...I was a happy biotch. Flashbacks from chapter three with Mike Thomas....you betcha. WC used to think I was crazy to pass up a gym and tie a rope around a tree and put weights in a net. Really? Join a gym....why, I can leg press your Kia...really? When you drop any amount of weight or access a goal unencumbered, it is a mark of your character.

Survivor was the only fitting band to play on the final Rocky soundtrack, it was more the reality than the fights. Human nature at the "id." Rocky III and IV I could identify with.....and his last one, an old beaten man taking out his demons. God knows I have them. Fire makes Steel....says millions to me....leg pressing 1400 pounds is a cake walk but.....what is the end product? 

2:20 to 2:30 that is exactly what I saw before me after the surgery. Inhuman desire... yeah...but in '88, I was not a human. T5....yeah......humanity is a wasteland. God was a myth. I was 16 too... 

4:00 to 4:05 LOL if you understand the previous, you of course, understand the latter....

Taking a challenge to a deeper level...... "let's see WTF you're made of" as pop would say.

Winds are at F1.... the scene at 4:00, I trained to the movie in '88.... that was by no means the adrenaline, it was....as pop would say, "jump time" or "flip" but my "manager" wanted exactly this...he so knew. He preached a T1 to T6 scale on measurability. The 2:20 was the by-product of an earlier result, jumping time, flip...or climbing that level. I am certain this makes no sense unless you have stepped into the ring in the past. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bedxL4nSk8


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## Chuck71

Unintended Intentions

A short walk in time can be a barometer for futuristic overlays. In the last few days of 1996...I was glad the year was coming to a close. Yes I graduated college and had the vacation of a lifetime but....pop's death, mom's depression and the missed opportunity with MG just made me look towards 1997. This year, 1997, cannot be worse. Pop was a teacher....apply what he taught....and look after mom.

I would grab a USA Today every Friday to check the final odds on NFL games. Mom was seeing her high school sweetheart for companionship and he was a bookie. I checked out and saw a glance.....I looked back, smiled...you know how that goes.....We exchanged numbers and our first date was New Year's Eve. I took her to the bistro.... yeah....owner approved. But not to the lake....Her parents were impressed with me and my intellectual capacity (yeah 1996...funny isn't it). She was 18...I was 24....no curfew "per say." We agreed mom could drive her home since we planned on drinking in the New Year.

We rocked in 1997 with Kiss and while we were making out...my "apparent" interest in her was aware. "No hurry....I am attracted to you...just take it at your speed." Mom had to drive her home at around 4AM. Neither of us could drive.....well not enough to pass a checkpoint. We dated for a few months....she was not ready for the type of relationship I was seeking. But two moments never left my thoughts....

We were at the place I worked at, way after closing hours....chatting, making out, etc. I had just gotten Styx Greatest Hits II and "First Time" came on. We danced to it in the parking lot. Talk about.....potential magic....wow. She asked me to a college dance a few weeks later and we had to take the lead dance to, "I Finally Found Someone" by Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand. That night was completely magical. On a sad note, we did not last. Her college life was important to her and I completely understood that. I was looking for "The One" and she may have been it, just not then. A few months later...I met WC. Funny isn't it?

We re-connected on FB recently. She never graduated but has a great job and never married, no kids. We are talking and....seeing what is there. At one time, I saw her as my potential "One" but.... that is how things go. I think I spoke on this once, Anon Pink's old thread about online dating back in 2012. I met "the one that got away" before Angie, 1st love, 2nd love. This was my one before WC. Maybe UG was simply, a sneak preview....to something else. We shall see....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kbp9GW3T4M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBPcBUJb6o0


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## Chuck71

Rest Stops and Finish Lines

I guess we have all taken those long trips where we have to stop off at a rest stop. You enjoy your time at one, shake your legs off, check you bearings. Then venture onward to the destination. Journey before destination.....

The finish line is far off in sight but it is now visible. The eye of the storm is overhead. All this means is....your riding out of the storm is....only half way over. A temporary respite. But a remembered conclave. I'm at the rest area......the eye...... 

Eight songs were released from Def Leppard's "Hysteria" 1-Women (Summer 87), 2-Animal (Fall / Winter 87), 3-Hysteria (Winter / Spring '88), 4-Pour Some Sugar on Me (Summer 88), 5-Love Bites (Fall 88), 6-Armagedden It (Winter 88 / 89), 7-Rocket (Spring 89), 8-Gods of War (Summer 89). Note the dates but ignore the year(s). Sometimes an album can tell a story. I will delve into this at a later date. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJhvcmFMpwY


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## Chuck71

A Walk through Time

2nd love and I shared a great dinner recently and got on the subject of funny moments. Yes we had our rough patches, break ups....but the love never "died". It just burned out. But the things we brought up were hilarious. On our third date we went to shoot pool and she was trying to be all cute and sassy.... I chalked up her cue stick. While I was shooting...I notice her cheek was up against the tip of the cue stick. She had a blue line on her cheek. My goodness that was hilarious. I tried my best to keep from laughing but a few minutes later, I had to. She was mortified.....but mostly it being one of our first dates. 

We were out in my Camaro talking late one night, well past her curfew but, in her mom's driveway. Heaven only knows what we were talking about...I turned away to throw a cigarette out the window and there was the huge monster on my shoulder....at eye level. It appeared a foot tall but...it was a bug. I jumped out of the car swinging my arms saying "WTF". Oh God she rolled in the seat laughing. But I thought it was a huge beast. So much for being the "bad boy." I was so pizzed.... I did say I was trying to keep it from her. She was "new" to the dating world but did roll her eyes at my remark. It didn't matter by then....we were both "in too deep" as Genesis sang four years earlier.

The one semester we attended the same college, she had bought a new outfit that....zips in the back. For some reason she never zipped it up. It didn't show her panties...much...but the morning we drove to school, I never said a single word. As we were walking to my first class (I had the earliest class, she would walk me, then study in student center until her class), I almost made it.....so....damn....close. Anyway a female came up behind her and told her what was visible in the back. She had an astonished look and bolted for the bathroom. When she returned, "Did you not see that?" Me... "Well yeah... I did." "Why didn't you say a damn thing about it?' "You're pretty good at showing your ass all by yourself." 

She remembered her senior prom where her mom had to help fix my tie or whatever it was. Her mom thought I didn't smoke and for a time I had quit. I was standing there holding my breath making "death like faces" while her mom took her sweet time fixing it. She said later on I looked like a sea animal about to explode. She was sassy her senior prom. Strutting around and all.....I even went to a nearby bar and bought a few shots (I was 21). What she never knew was the girl I had dated.... went with a friend of mine. I cleared it with him first and she and I danced to a song. Yeah.... entire dynamics changed. Her attitude was reflected by mine. I was so tired of the games, I didn't care. We went to our "necking place" and after a smart crack...I said it was time to take her home. "But aren't you going to make love to me before you do?" We did...... and I drove her home in only my underwear...I refused to put my tux back on. She was afraid her mom would see me. I didn't give a schit. 

Yes I was pulled over on the way home. The cop laughed his arse off and told me to get my arse home.

I do recall the dance's theme song....we did dance to it. We weren't even "back together" but were within a week. That slow dance is something we both still recall.....even after everything....we did love each other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jetc_DpLwCA

We danced to it recently.....it still has the same magic. Too bad it can't take us back to yesterday. We still reenacted the scene from 1993. No....I didn't have a tux on.... but she did wear her prom dress.....


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## Chuck71

Snowflakes..... '88 Style

Back years ago, it was nothing to miss several weeks of school due to snow. I was in my junior year of high school. I was talking to a girl a couple years younger than me. We met during a snow day and.... gee whoodathunkit... we hit it off. We talked on the old rotary phones and would travel to each other's house.... as long as there were parents around (why is that... LOL). We were getting along really well and looked to be a true couple. Well... something got in the way.

We were unable to see each other for an extended period of time and eventually, she called things off. I could not blame her one bit. We would talk every now and then. I always felt like she and I had "unfinished business." For the time... it was understandable, she was more a "Debbie Gibson clone" but... look how many others were back in that day and age. We were separated when I underwent surgery in '88 and as I had stated previously... was disastrous. It ended anything we had started..... but not forever.

Years passed by and every blue moon, she could call and we would catch up. She got married and that kind of ended our chats.... until she was divorced. We began reconnecting in the Fall of '96 and she asked me for help in her college courses since I had just graduated. She would travel to my place, I would help her with coursework and we would "retire for the evening." We broke things off as Christmas neared, I can't recall why. I know I met the girl mentioned in post #375 very soon after. But this girl.... MK.... seemed to just know. It was a couple weeks after the #375 post (MB), and I called it quits and MK again asked me to, tutor her. This lasted until July '97. It's like she just knew. A month later..... I met my now XW.... Window Cork. 

Sometimes we would ride around town after the city slept and walk around the courthouse, drive to the river (no not the lake), or I would ask her thoughts on rental property I thought about buying (female perspective). We were a 'de facto' couple without the paperwork. We never really talked about back when we met but we used it as a justification for keeping in touch. MK would run into my mom in town a lot and chat with her. MK would always send her best. 

Granted the reason we first broke up was I refused for her to see me after the surgery. I do not regret that one bit. Later on.... she understood why without me spelling it out for her. As years passed by, I was with WC and MK re-married. She had two boys. Unfortunately... one was killed in a car crash which was partly due to a city employee. She went off the deep end. Succumb to drugs and really bad company. She served time in prison. Her mother gained custody of the other child. 

Until the wreck, she was a great mother to them. We had several mutual friends. Quite a bit of time had passed before I knew of one of her son's passing. When I visited her.... she was a shell of her former self. I offered several opportunities to help herself (phone calls, connections). It was the least I could do. After all... we did fall in love. That does mean something.... even if it was 20+ years ago. I can say she did make an attempt but that was about it. Sadly.... relapse was a common theme.

I like to remember her back in her Debbie Gibson days. Granted she played hard to get but.... she was happy. She had battle scars when we reconnected in 1996 and 1997. But in a way..... so did I. Currently MK is serving time for offering herself for meth. Thankfully.... I can recall when she was not a train wreck but.... a vibrant young woman set to reach goals. Behind the scenes, I do offer help but through other avenues. I swear to God..... I do hope she does make it. I will always be rooting for her...... just for now..... incognito. 

Yes we did have "our song." Here it is......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4qh_9vH1Ww


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## Ceegee

Sad are the trials of life. 

Chuck, you have enough love stories to fill two lifetimes. Good for you I say 

The older ones seem more sentimental to you. Is that naïveté or are the more recent stories just disappointing because, with age and experience, they should just know more?

Looking forward to next post.


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## Chuck71

How is the weather your way CG? My "old loves" are all pre-WC. From August of 1997 to this past November.... it was WC and UG. I did not fully jump into the dating pool back in 2012 and 2013.... didn't have time. UG pulled me off the market. I had the Wall built and dared anyone to try and obliterate it. Well we know how that went didn't we? From 1986 to 1997 I had the two main loves, 1st love (MM) and 2nd love (AD). But there were many times in between. Mostly it was just bad timing..... I wasn't ready for a serious LTR or she wasn't ready. After the final death blow for my 1st and 2nd love.... I was nowhere near ready for one.

But after nearly 16 years with WC..... I walked right into one. Rebound? Not in the least. Call it maturity.... I knew what I wanted and for about a year and a half, UG brought that. UG was definitely a "potential One" and was not far from being "The One." But yes.... the old loves are very sentimental. Most people think the synopsis I posted last year here was all about my past.... that is far from the truth. Those who know me can match certain dates and realize.... it couldn't have been "all" me. 

I expected a lot more from WC... she was seven years older than I. UG was my age. As adults... you work through things. When you are a teen or in early 20's.... sometimes you do not have the resources to know how to present your argument. My complete definition of "The One" was different in 1989, 1992, and 1998. But they all three met all qualifications. I know I refer to them as boitch # 1, 2, and 3 but.... they held my heart at one time.... every ounce of it. UG was so close.... but no, never made it to #4.

Sometimes posting snipits of my life can help someone else. Maybe I am subconsciously writing my own biography. What has occurred in my life has happened to many others. I may enact certain scenes in a few books and post them here. It seems to flow better when it is portioned in blog formation. LOL.... thanks LW! Gladly I recall all the great times I have had in the relationship history. Sadly I recall all the horrible times too. It is a blessing and..... a curse. But doesn't a poet sometimes need his pain?

Until the winds start back up in my present life, I am reflecting upon my past with TAM. When the eye passes over, the winds will again swirl. It's not over by a long shot. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ-xx66WgJU


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## Chuck71

But We will always have Hardee's

The year of 1991 did not exactly start out well. As a matter of fact, it began horribly. My first love and I split for the final time and I really hit a low point. It took some time to climb out of the black hole. As stated previously, I did start dating a girl around March Madness. We double dated with friends and I will never forget asking the guy at the store who won the UNLV-Duke game. Maybe that threw him, being I was still a teen and buying a 24 case of beer. Who knows?

I had spoke on SR about a year ago on this thread, as the one that got away. Yes I soon after met 2nd love but.... there was one girl who slipped in right before AD. She was AL. A friend worked with her and I happen to spot her leaving work as he and I were "shooting the chit." We talked for a bit and she went home. She also told me she was closing the next night with.... a strong hint. We met.... went to a Hardee's which at the time was open 24 / 7. We chatted the night away... I was ready for something serious. She thought she was too. She had also.... left a long term first love.

It was a fast ride and we were so close to becoming serious. I relate AL a lot to AK from the year before. The only difference was..... I was not returning to anyone. The nights at the ball field, she would sit on the hood of my Camero as we talked the night away and of course.... lip locked. Even at that age..... a late teen, I would often hear "Desert Moon" by Dennis DeYoung from 1983 running through my head. Maybe I just knew......

I even met AL's friends and got the A-ok. There we were.... at the teen hang out place. We were clearly in tune with each other. But something was holding her back and I noticed it. I had been there before. We parted ways and very soon after, I met 2nd love, AD. AL ran into me, maybe about 5 months later. She apologized about being gun shy and congratulated me on my new love. I thanked her and told that getting past the first love is hard. I wished her the best in what she wanted in life.

My 2nd love felt threatened by her simply because.... they had the same first name. 2nd love would write me notes (she was still in high school) and capitalize her last name to let me know.....it was her. I would roll my eyes but..... smile. I really was into AL but.... AD was exactly right for me at the time. AL was really into me but.... she was not ready yet, just like I was with SR earlier. You may be looking for something.... and you may think you have it within sight, but you don't. It sneaks up on you and knocks the living chit out of you. By the time you are aware...... you have fallen. Case closed.

AL and I, even though we did not date long...... we did have a song. Hair metal bands unite LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJj7ZWCNvLI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cFOLFtw2Ic


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## Chuck71

I love to hit a vacation early. Leave the night before, get there early and "steal" a day before you check-in. 2nd love wanted to wait until around 3AM to drive. I argued for midnight. "But I will have just got off work." "Yeah but WTF will be doing the damn driving?" We left somewhere in between the two times. I had went to Kinko's a few days before and had a preface and twelve songs put in a binder. They were all songs I had written...about her. From the first time we met to....the end. In hindsight, I should have waited until we returned.... and wrote one more...from our vacation. But who in their right freaking mind would have ever guessed we would get along like it was 1991 all over again?

We were eating out one night and a waitress screwed up my order. "Wait until she comes back around, no need to be a tart." When it was a female waitress, 2nd love was a ruthless assassin. If it was a guy waiter, I always handled things, guy to guy. I had a sports car with t-tops.... we pulled them off and since I was lit, she drove. I had never done that before. She did exceptional..... although, the strip at PCB, is slow driving. After a bit of tailgating, "Chuck I know I used to be a boitch about you drinking but...you always handled yourself....you never got wasted. I tried to make it sound like you did and I am sorry." I just smiled.... because I already knew...... "Chuck I know we never said many -I love yous- in the last couple of years...I just want you to know, I love you... not for now or the last few year but for the years we have known each other." Yes she was drinking by then.....

"I always heard you were cheating on me Chuck." "AD did you ever notice... when you left high school, the rumors stopped? Like if you are now a college student... I can't cheat anymore? Seriously? Check your facts and notice you never heard any after high school." "Mom told me when we met you were the type to cheat." "Why is that?" I never got a response....

We were at the beach after dark.... it was very romantic and.....she earned it. We shared emotional words....they flowed like water. Did I still love her then, yes I did. But I knew the future was not for us. The night before last, I was at the beach, maybe 3 AM and I could not help but drop a few tears. I knew what we had was long ago.... but how can it be long ago when the feeling keeps coming up? AD made it a point to play Styx "Love at First Sight" while in the room. That was my first choice for our song. She happened to choose Bryan Adams "Everything I Do." Guess which one was more popular LOL. 

We had a great time. We shared things we hadn't in years. But it was time to move on....... Two songs will never leave my memory..... because at one time.... she was "The One"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6oUbKRok6o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo


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## Chuck71

Mike Thomas and the Nine Year Rule

1978-As a youngling getting ready to start second grade, he ran across the yard with a two liter Sunkist and a bag of red dye chips. There was no wonder his mother began drinking liquor before noon. Running down the halls and bouncing off the walls. He learned his multiplication tables that summer. He already knew how to add and subtract from working at his parent's store. Stocking the lower shelves "learned him" division by accident. The summer of '78 trips to the library to complete SRAs placed him five grade levels ahead of his peers. Not far into his second grade year...his teacher learned if he was completed with daily assignments, she best keep him occupied or she would be traveling to the nearest liquor store as well. After several parent / teacher conferences, the teacher realized.... let him teach the class in subjects he likes. He taught the class astronomy and history.... all be it was not a core learning subject in second grade. He entered the gifted program this year.

1987-Intelligence befuddled by medication. The once gifted student with a 172 IQ became a slave to depression and peer pressure. By 1987 he was beginning to break the fog and rebel against the medication. Clarity began to resume as he shed his obese body of 150 pounds. He met Angie from Alabama and was introduced to a "medication" you did not have to take orally. Welcome to the days of "coming of age." (See back stories for many examples)

1996-A return to the beach for a much older Mike. High school...check, college....check.... full detachment from neurological setbacks from a hospital stay.... check. Welcome to the real world kid. Some things you have to leave behind if you want to gather new ones. A love had to be given up but his future one was waiting.... just neither knew it yet. As the Byrds sang in the 1960's , "A time for change." 

2005-Completion of masters program. He thought he would feel so different when he returned to the 'scene of the crime.' Before starting grad school, he trekked to the beach and made an oath, if I can not make it through grad school, I will never venture this beach for the rest of my life. Two years passed, 3.96 GPA and he expected a whirlwind feeling of triumph. It was not there....then he realized, a destination is a compilation of the many journeys. The clouds parted and the world slowed down. Everything made sense, he understood the things once un-understandable. The world is by no means complicated, humanity just attempts to make it such. One small book, Abolition of Man by CS Lewis, re-shaped how he viewed the human race. Mike attempted to lead his wife to the awakening. She followed but never opened the door.

2014-Mike saw everything clear as he worked upon his doctorate. He loved, he lost but.... he was still in the ring swinging. Unknowing of the nine year rule... he set up a planned trip back to the beach with the woman who then, held his heart. It did not materialize, even though he never pulled it from the table. With a future uncertain, he marched on. As he aged, he learned how important it was to hold on to his core values and beliefs. History can and will repeat itself but the outcome depends upon what one learns from the past. He ventured to the beach nonetheless but it was not to extend the story but to.... reflect. Maybe the story now ends or..... maybe it is a lull in the book. No one knows how it will end.... but everything has a beginning and an end. All the reader knows is.... there are pages yet to be read.

2023-TBD

Mike Thomas is part-Chuck..... and Chuck is part-Mike Thomas.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LmePwOrsr8
Rush: 2112: Oracle: The Dream/Soliloquy/Grand Finale


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## Chuck71

Packing up after a great vacation is always met with a degree of sadness. 2nd love and I neither wanted the week to end. As I sat outside drinking coffee (much needed) and sobering up, she did 'a mom.' I hate packing for a vacation and detest packing to leave. Before I knew it, she had everything packed up. It was so weird.... 2nd love was doing "mom" things the entire trip and I never asked her to. It didn't fully hit me until later.... but it was something to see.

The summer of '95 was when I realized, she was no longer the person I had met four years ago. The sparkle in her eyes was gone. It was a hard pill to accept. Being FWB for the next two summers did help in the fact. "I knew you. I was comfortable with you. Sometimes I would feel things like I did when we first met." At 24.... I could accept that. I still dated others and she was aware of it. Yet if any began to get serious... take a guess what would happen.

As mentioned earlier.... Bryan Adams was special to both of us. "Everything I Do....." had to have been "their song" to millions of couples back then. Before the trip... I happened upon a liquidation store selling CDs very cheap. The Bryan Adams album, Waking up the Neighbors, was one of them. Most of the songs never played on the radio were a bit cheesy. On the way down, I popped the album in and I notice she became "sentimental" as I drove. When 'our song' came on.... hand holding, pecks on the cheek, like when we first met.

I never played the CD while we were there. Wasn't much time to. The local radio stations had a great variety, being a party town. She always liked the 70s, 80s, and 90s love song station. As she was placing things in the car, I walked down to the beach. A flood of memories came storming back. They did at times throughout the stay but... not like this. Everything ran back to nine years ago. The parallels and how things had changed... the ways I had changed. I tried not to reflect any.... I just wanted to live in the moment. I would have more than enough time to look back on this when I am older... like 30 LOL

She walked down to where I was and placed her arms around me from behind. It was one of those "freeze frame" situations. For a brief moment I thought about not giving her the collage I had planned to after we returned home. I sometimes wonder how things would have been if I didn't. All in all though.... I feel I made the right decision. 

While driving home, she slipped in the Adams CD. Maybe I missed it going down.... I didn't going home. It was an unreleased song. It was how I felt at the time about her. The "her" that rode back with me was the girl I had fell in love with years ago. But a return to the real world would reveal that was a temporary facade. At least that is how I saw it. 

It was nice knowing years later, she still remembered the unreleased song. As an author... how many times do you write a book and later... get the chance to review it with the leading female? How you see things then compared to now..... how you felt about someone then and now. Next summer will have been 25 years since 2nd love and I met. Those two kids disappeared a long time ago. But the memories they made will live on......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO54C0qemfY


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## hope4family

For a moment peace can be attained. But the harshness of reality, the day to day, the unknown, that is scary. Has been for me. Didn't used to be, not sure when that changed. At least now, I can look at myself in the mirror and admit it.


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## Chuck71

If 2nd love and I could have stayed on vacation forever, it would have worked. But you can't do that unless your last name is Hilton. Window Cork came the summer after..... and 2nd love couldn't have been what she was.


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## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> While driving home, she slipped in the Adams CD. Maybe I missed it going down.... I didn't going home. It was an unreleased song. It was how I felt at the time about her. The "her" that rode back with me was the girl I had fell in love with years ago. But a return to the real world would reveal that was a temporary facade. At least that is how I saw it.


 
A facade or a part of her personality you liked versus one you didn't?

There's a real world version of all of us as well as a fantasy version. 

How about the times they overlap? Love hate?


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## Chuck71

In 1991 we were perfect for each other, have dance pics to boot

but as thing unfolded, we learned differently

But that one week, we were one again, God I'll never forget that

it just wasn't to be.... as much as it seems it to be so

God I loved her.... never deny this but she did me

Yet time took us away..... we weren't kids anymore

She was so much like her mom, which scared me.

I never hated her, I always loved her. But her future was not with me,

two years of FWB told me that. The old 2nd love would have fought hell and high water

for us to make it. That girl vanished somewhere. We were "living on history"

but.... it worked. My God how it worked. We probably outlived our existence but

it was an amazing ride. She asked me to move in with her in late 1996

it was too late. FWB living together, OMG yes! But that was not what I then wanted.

There is a small gas station I always stop at, it's the one we stopped at in 1996

all I asked was a good trip and no grief. Talk about coming thru 800%

It did in later years too, just not with 2nd love..... it was WC


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## Chuck71

I know it has been awhile since I posted on my present situation. WC came to the door in a trench coat and was only wearing a French maid outfit. I'm kidding!!!!! Seriously, I have mentioned her one sane brother before. He is fifteen years older than me and had a job at the most sought after business in the tri-state area. His arthritis robbed him of his job but he was getting a very lucrative retirement and disability package.

To make extra income he became a go-between for shipments of illegal items. Fast money....easy money. How does that usually end though? I warned him, WC did, his mom did. Anyway he ended up in prison. That's how I ended up with his dog. He went in the pokey in September 2006. He is now at a halfway house, release date is in two months. Of all four of WC's brothers, he was the only one I could relate to... intellectually. 

We caught up on a lot of things over the phone. He too saw a change in his sis after mom died. We got a bit in depth but a lot of it, he already knew. I will be glad to see him, sit back and drink a few beers. He has to reside with a person / family with no criminal record for ten years after release. It was a given he would stay with WC and I. But a D kind of got in the way. I think the world of him but he and I are not family anymore. When he was supposed to get out a year earlier... UG asked me if he will be staying with us. I said no, I don't run a hotel. He can go live with his BSC sis. Nothing personal against him but.... we ain't blood. 

He offered to pay for feeding and keeping his dog up all those years. I refused to accept anything.... I treated him like my dog and to be honest, he would have had some issues taking him if he were still alive. I did say he could repay the cremation fees I paid back in December. He agreed. He said he learned a lot about my character when his mom died. None of the kids had the cash to pay for her cremation (her wish), things the funeral home puts them in, and a necklace for everyone with a small piece of her inside. Granted if he was not in prison, he would have stepped up, I have no doubt.

I covered the cost, was near $1k. He couldn't stop thanking me. I told him.... your mom was my second mom. She meant the world to me. I got along better with her sometimes than I did WC, especially in her last few years. I used to joke I should have married his mom instead of his sis. Catching up with my xBiL.... would love it! But..... we aren't family any more. Why? Ask your sis.


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## Ceegee

That's a heckuva sentence. Must've been pretty serious. 

No problem catching with him but you're right, wouldn't be appropriate to put him up in your home at this point.


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> That's a heckuva sentence. Must've been pretty serious.
> 
> No problem catching with him but you're right, wouldn't be appropriate to put him up in your home at this point.


The first few? :rofl: 

He is the only person, outside of me when we were together, that WC trusted and would listen to. His health from what he said has really went downhill. "They will definitely keep me alive long enough to serve my damn sentence." Maybe he can help WC with her trauma. I'm not sure if he will like staying with her and "Ray Ray" in the humid hot summers in MS with the smell of dog schit everywhere.

Recently... her 1st H passed away. I think I mentioned his bad health in my Sink or Swim thread. I feel bad for my step son, I was about his age when pop died. Granted pop and I had many issues but he was a teacher, in a good way. His dad was mostly negativity. The first Christmas I was with WC.... I made sure he had gifts under the tree (he was 7), dad was too busy chasing tail. 

Late one Saturday night I was up late reading for a class, 2003 I think, step son calls. His dad and uncle were taken to jail for PD and fighting. His son called the police. He had tears rolling down his face. The police were going to take him to CPS unless me or his mom didn't come get him. What breaks my heart is... he was a great kid at one time. All my weird and funny quirks, he mimicked. 

One afternoon he and I were going fishing while WC and MiL ran errands and went to the store. He was not sure about fishing lines and he brought out maybe three feet of dental floss thinking we could use it for fishing line. I rolled but I could see what he was thinking. There were times when I honest to goodness saw him as my child. WC used to say I must have snuck in her bedroom back in '88 and got some being he was so much like me.

I care a lot more about his well-being than I do WCs. My door is always open but the stolen items are still on the agenda. To walk in my home, it would entail a sit down. He does not want to face that, at least not yet. I will never change my stance. Call that the pop coming out in me. BiL was much like his mom, he never took a free ride. He always paid his way. When he stayed with us before being sentenced, he would bring in huge steaks and spent freely. He was the one who went all out for my birthday back in '06.

Summer 2006 was a nice time. MiL was still alive, we would watch old B/W sitcoms together, WC and I still had some form of a M, step son and I would talk about life often, just like pop and I did. BiL and I would sit on the porch and talk about everything. Fun times..... it was a blast! Times change though.....

On a final note.... a sense of irony. Summer '89, me and 1st love are at her aunt's house. I see a pregnant female there too. We spoke very briefly...... it was WC. Yeah.....


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## SamuraiJack

I'll be raising a whiskey for you tonight!


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## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> I'll be raising a whiskey for you tonight!


:rofl: Raise one for me too!


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## Chuck71

Part 1: Plagiarism and APA Format

Late 2012.... holidays. A very low point for me since we filed for D. I went down the rabbit hole and she / Window Cork would not come home half the time. I learned I liked it best when she was not there. 12/11/12 was my low day. The very next day, WC came home right after work, every single night. I did not engage with her unless it was to talk about the M. Around NYE '12 and NYD '13... I completely stepped into the light. Two things caused this.... the lake and The Tao (CS Lewis, Abolition of Man). Old vets kind of already know this. I knew I was going to be okay. I felt the fire beginning to take shape.

Not long after, I placed WC in a situation where she had to choose A or B. A would leave a door open, B was game over. She showed her hand and chose B. It was all over but the courthouse walk. I wasn't sure if I could hold it together that day. I did and it was amazingly easy. 15+ years.... up in smoke. Cue song....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDM-7xUkjuo Don Dokken-Mirror, Mirror

WC tried to re-write history. How did I know this? My 1st love sent a friend request the very day she learned WC and I were through. Her aunt was WC's best friend. Small towns are like that. I tried the dating sites and was not that impressed. Met this one gal... we chatted for around a week and met. I was to pick her up at her place for dinner and let the night unfold as it may. The day before it snowed and mom wanted my homemade chili. When I told her about it, she wanted to try some. Yeah... she had no idea what she going to be tasting. I arrive, she invites me in. We chat for a bit. Places my chili in fridge and she expresses her nervousness. Being a profiler.... I already knew that.

After about 45 minutes, I mentioned, "are you ready?' She kept talking. She stated, "Haven't you ever been in a situation where you could just fast forward time a few weeks?" After another 45 minutes, I figured... okay dinner is out. I saved $30. We started making out at her place. The touching, caressing, holding.... hadn't felt that in a long long time. Anyhow.... I spent the night, after she told me I could if I wanted to. I knew exactly where that was leading. Yes..... yes...... huge red flag.

I was invited over every evening. Most I would run by and we would catch a movie. I had to clean the house up, see if mom was ok... but it wasn't long before we would have a few drinks and.... I couldn't leave. Get the hint? It had been so long since I snuggled up with a female (see back story with WC). It was overwhelmingly intoxicating. Every single time I tried to pull back a bit, she charged twice as hard. She did a lot in helping clean WCs nasty mess up. I always offered to help out with food, drinks, even offered to chip in on the rent since I was there so much. She respectfully declined. She was late on her rent and I didn't know until her parents helped her out. Now here is where it gets tricky...... She knew I was to be moving back into my place. She saw it as it was being cleaned up. Did she purposefully fall behind on rent? Here I am.... she sort of just "took me in" even though I had my rental property and mom was staying in one side. It's not as if, I would have been homeless.

She helped me out, I liked her.... I'm not the type to ditch a person after they have helped me. But.... maybe moving in? Yeah we get along but.... moving in... after a few months? Really? Truth told.... she would have been over every night anyway. Two weeks in she said she loved me. Freaked me out.... always thought guys had to say it first. Even though the girl gives more hints than a casino gambler. You help me.... I help you. Was always taught that. The first four to five months were wonderful. Sound familiar?

Eventually... I did fall. She did things only WC had done and a few, WC never did. A huge red flag arose when she kept hinting about all her friends are getting engaged. Then.... "I would like to change my last name one more time." I would kind of look at mom and she would me and think -WTF-. I just got D.... seriously. She still did magical things.... as did I for her. He!! I hadn't been in anything like this in over ten years. Right before I moved back home.... is when I got WCs little spill..... "I'll be at home all weekend, son won't be there, I'll be making homemade spaghetti (top five favorite), you are more than welcome to come over." Yeah.... been down that road. WC sensed she was becoming a distant memory. She was right. That chat solidified it. I went to new gal's place, shared a pizza, movie, went to bed.

The first time I met both her parents was at her apartment. They wanted to take a gander at my homemade chili. I never had one worry about them when I learned that. Her mom had two bowls, dad four. Her dad was good about telling you how to do something, rather than showing you. I called him and he did prove it. But I do not take to people who just talk it. I will call you every time. He and I chatted some, he showed me some craftsmanship (pop may had known but hadn't the patience to teach). Her dad liked to push his political agenda on anyone younger. He tried this with me. He was rebuffed swiftly. He was keen on baseball back in the 1960's and 70's.... he had no clue I was considered a near expert in that genre (sports writer, collected cards for 30 years). All I wanted to convey was.... I'm not the typical guy she brings home to meet ma n pa.

"He's the best guy you've ever brought home to us," indicated her parents. Can TAM readers see more red flags? Her brother was consider super cerebral... was he smart, yes but... cerebral... nah. We would chat for awhile... held my own super easy. Mom was approving, mainly just seeing me happy for the first time in years. I already noticed her Co-D actions and hoped she would learn to regulate them internally. Mind you readers... for the first time since.... maybe 2004.... I saw a real future with someone.

This is enough for one night. I will post more later on. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzwVUk_PYxk Burning like a Flame-Dokken


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## SamuraiJack

_I've got a blank space baby...and I'll write your name._
First thing that came into my mind.


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## just got it 55

Chuck, you post your story with such clarity. Is this how you really remember it or the way you want to remember it ?

I suspect a bit of both I also consider your recollection comes from journaling your history, either way your writing poignant. Not sure about the regret aspect, you should have few as you are living your life honestly and authentically.

What do hope for your readers to learn?

I have been with my one and only love for 42 years (37 married) It’s all a blur to me ,but I know I am happy.

Is that all that matters or is it more important to fully understand why ?

55


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## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Chuck, you post your story with such clarity. Is this how you really remember it or the way you want to remember it ?
> 
> I suspect a bit of both I also consider your recollection comes from journaling your history, either way your writing poignant. Not sure about the regret aspect, you should have few as you are living your life honestly and authentically.
> 
> What do hope for your readers to learn?
> 
> I have been with my one and only love for 42 years (37 married) It’s all a blur to me ,but I know I am happy.
> 
> Is that all that matters or is it more important to fully understand why ?
> 
> 55


It's the way I remember things. The fact they reconnected with me years later gave me the chance to reflect upon it and get feedback. It's easy to write about times gone by when you re-live them in your head. Having a great memory is both good and bad. You remember the great times but.... the break-ups. I still can picture the morning 1st love and I said our goodbyes back in January 1991, how I was torn driving back from vacation with 2nd love knowing it was over but..... trying to live in the moment for what it was.

As for my story..... it's just my life. The ups and downs, the good and the bad. I'd like to just write my future.... meet the girl of my dreams this spring, have three kids, walk into a great job I look forward to going to and make a larger salary than I even imagined. I have to admit.... when I tried writing my first book back in 1993, 2nd love and I broke up. The main guy in the book.... had broken up with his g/f. The way things were played out with the two..... the very same thing would happen with 2nd love and I maybe a week later. Yes it did freak me out. The guy in the book got back together with his g/f..... and about a week later, so did 2nd love and I. 

Being happy with who you are with is the most important thing. Knowing why.... well that is somewhat relative. It's hard to reflect upon the times gone by, the memories, when you are currently still making them. I have seen people bare their soul on this board. Shared things they would not even tell their best friend..... so how am I any different? 99.9% on TAM will never know who I am outside of the posts. The other 0.1%.... well they know me a bit better. You get out of something, what you put in. Give it your all, leave it all on the field and...... even if things don't work out, you gave everything you had, no regrets.

I knew the end was coming with all four loves. Some I ended..... some they did. But on each one.... I left it all on the table, as in "this can be worked out if we both want it to." Sometimes I can be very stubborn but if I know I am in the right..... I will not waver. I'm sure that has cost me a few broken hearts but in the end.... my stance was proven correct when they returned down the road.... with an apology.

I guess I should note.... the Part 1 post and the others coming up are the back story of UG and I. How it started and..... how it ended. And how I see it today.


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## Chuck71

Just a quick add-in before part 2. Mom turned 70 last year. For years WC would tell me....your mom scares me to death when she drives. WC said she can't judge distance any more. I rode with her a few times. Mom used to be a very good driver. It took about four times but..... I learned WC was not making it up. One day.... in 2012, me, WC and mom went to eat and was returning home on the interstate. Mom could not find her cigarette case and I kid you not..... took her eye off the road and was looking between the seats for it. Meanwhile I see the car veering towards the huge wall separating us from southbound traffic. I grabbed the wheel and steered us back into the lane. 

I think that was the first time I ever screamed at her. For a second WC and I feared for our lives. In the last six months mom wrecked her car, she was cited failure to yield (pulled out in front of someone)... and recently wrecked my truck.... very same reason. She has to appear in court this month and I am thinking the judge will take her license. She is scared to drive now and that is understandable. Anytime I am in town I stop by to see her so she just has me drive her. I made a comment the other day... "I guess we will be like Driving Mrs. Daisy." Took her a few hours to catch what it was meaning. Well.... I thought it was funny.

I mentioned WC's one good brother and three fvck up brothers. I ran into one of the Fups the other day. I don't mind talking to him (what's up, how you doing, how's your kids) but after about ten minutes... I just want to say STFU. I asked about his people. He also spoke with his brother at the halfway house. I asked how my Xstep son was holding up after his dad's death. What I heard did not surprise me but yes..... it still broke my heart. WC's XH and I had some beef maybe the first year we dated. After that.... we could talk about the kid with no tension in the air. WC's XH did a very pi$$ poor job raising him, reason I just took on the role of dad. In the last few years the XH was in really poor health. Step son stayed with him in a hotel you rent by the month. 

I learned he has resorted to stealing, selling hot guns, pills. My xBiL (the idiot) told me Xstepson cashed his dad's SS check which came after his death to pay rent. Well.... that is jail time right there. WC wanted her smart brother to stay at her XHs motel room when he got out to try and help out her son. My idiot xBiL and I both agreed and laughed, no way smart BiL will do that. He will still be on probation for years. Xstep son would threaten to beat his dad up if he didn't share his pot with him. He stole his medication, kept him on life support way too long to keep his check coming. 

No.... I never cared for WC's XH but the way his son treated him near the end.... I feel a lot of pity for him. Yes he was a constant screw up but.... nobody deserves what his son did to him near the end. The WC I knew a long time ago would drive back here, grab her son, throw him into detox or take him back home with her. WC won't come help him out of fear her "soul mate" will throw her out if she brings him to his place. Xstep son is about the age I was when I met his mom. As for similarities... it ends there. Guess he has to hit bottom. Stealing money from the government, selling hot guns, selling prescription drugs and illegal drugs..... he will do quite a bit of time. I know I have said before I had WC at her best. I can also say I knew my Xstep son at his best. It bothers me to say the latter.


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## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> Guess he has to hit bottom. Stealing money from the government, selling hot guns, selling prescription drugs and illegal drugs..... he will do quite a bit of time. I know I have said before I had WC at her best. I can also say I knew my Xstep son at his best. It bothers me to say the latter.


Its pretty heart wrenching when the ones you saw at their shiny best show up looking like a cat in the rain.
I have friends who I never thought would go down the roads they did.
I ran into one of my daughters friend's father's at a soccer meet. 
He looked like he had aged about 15 years since last I saw him...which was two years ago.

Like you, I saw my ex at her peak potential...as I saw her mother at the height of hers in the same time. Her mother was in recovery and had it together. She was genuine and warm and about to be married.

Fast forward a few years and I have married her daughter and we have two kids. Her life is slowly flushing and then her husband leaves her.

So then she had to have the only other person in her life who gave a crap about her...her daughter.
Triangulation plain and simple.

But I remember the ex when she was at her height. She was pretty great.
So sad to see that shine wear off as time wore on.


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## Chuck71

If I ran into a 32 y/o who had the character, looks, personality, and emotional maturity WC had at that age.... I would be all over that.


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## Chuck71

Second Mom

I have spoken many times on my former mother in law. I have said great things about her. While chatting with her son (spoken on recently...being released), he wanted a first hand account of what happened. I understood completely. Of the four boys she had, he was the only one who wanted to give back to her as an adult.... I can't say the same for the other three.

May 2007..... I am teaching in a school system I thoroughly despised. Small rural county, one state away. If you are from that county, you can do no wrong, if you aren't.... they like to ride you until you drop. It was late in the afternoon.... I received a call from WC. "Momma won $50k on a scratch off." I almost replies with 'you are full of chit" but I took the call in front of the class. I was chatting with the owner of the paper I wrote for at the time and I shared her windfall with him. He told me she will most likely give it away..... people our age (she was Great Depression baby, he was a WW2 baby from UK) do. He ended up being 95% correct. 2nd mom would still buy the same scratch off she won. I told her to try and mix them up, buy one for the same amount ($3) but different kind. She had no part of it. She took me, WC, and mom on a gambling trip in early July 2007. 

2nd mom, mom, and mom's older sister got a gambling trip together in late July. 2nd mom wanted to schedule it before my birthday and a trip to see one of her sons. The morning they were to leave, she was excited and could not sleep. Being a teacher and during the summer, I kept odd hours. We talked a bit as she was ironing her clothes.... best ironing human I had ever seen in my life..... and she was bragging on how great I was with her grandson. Mom and her sister pulled into the driveway.... I was awake, WC still asleep, and 2nd mom leaned over to me and said, "I love you.... I want you to take care of my baby girl (WC)," following this statement with a kiss on the cheek. WC and I were out at the pool a few nights later and 2nd mom called WC. It was more a four way chat, mom, 2nd mom, me, and WC. They said they might stay an extra night.

WC and I had planned to take a trip up in the mountains the next day. I was awakened early in the morning by WC, in a hysterical mood. She said 'momma's gone' and, at first I thought it was just a dream. She handed me the phone.... mom told me the same thing. It woke me up instantly and.... at first I could not believe it. When it finally set in while on the phone, the first thing I thought was.... "where is WC?" I knew I had to be strong for her. She fell apart.... but had a good reason why. I did everything I could but I knew.... she needed someone 'more family' and female. 2nd mom and WC had a friend they had known for around twenty-five years, I had known her myself for about ten. She came over and did a better job than I could have.

2nd mom was cremated and the funeral home made a disc of pictures detailing 2nd mom's life. I think you could have 20 pictures, I asked WC to place one of 2nd mom and I at the beach awhile back. She was glad to. We had five songs we could play during the remembrance. WC knew of two Elvis gospel songs but nothing else. I knew 2nd mom loved Engelbert Humperdinck so I added one from him. As for the other two.... one I chose was a song I heard back in the 1990's. Mom had always had medical issues, especially with lupus. I told WC I wanted this played at mom's funeral.... we were just dating at the time. I had no idea a decade later.... it would be played for her mom.

The other song I chose.... I am not as familiar with. I heard it, knew it was sad and it was how I felt at the time. 2nd mom's remembrance was on my birthday. WC apologized it ruined my birthday..... I told her... it did not bother me at all. Birthdays are for kids.... I'm here for you, she was 'my mom' too. It was a few days after the remembrance, I was out on the deck. I lost it, I slung snot like I never had before. WC's friend noticed, I told her not to say anything to WC. I had to be there for her, she can't see me like this. She complied.

Here are the two songs I chose.... if anyone reading this listens to the songs and has lost a mother or a "2nd mom".... I recommend having tissue nearby.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbssLGlYYxU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5goMut10XU


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## Chuck71

Ahhhhh..... this is a rant / vent

As I was on a certain dating site, guess who I ran into. Yeah... I was not 100% sure so I pulled up her profile. Well.... it was her. Of the pictures, one was new, a few were taken before she and I even met, and two were taken back when she was still married to her exH. They were good pics but.... at least six or seven years old. Did it bother me to see her on a dating site? It did a bit but after reading her profile, I had to laugh. I refreshed my browser and saw that she viewed mine as well. Amazed was the word when I viewed her profile. It reminded me a bit of WC's back in 2013.

I am looking for a friend first and then see where it can go from there.
-Same thing you said to me... slept together first time we met. Didn't even leave your apartment.

I would like to have someone who I can do things with or if we just want to sit and talk for a while that is ok to.
-Only if they can pull you away from FB. Be sure to tell them you're tired after work and allow your family to dictate your weekends. Be prepared to battle with her smart phone. Oh... UG, use spell check.

I would like someone who wants to travel and see the world together.
-Can't pay her bills but wants to travel to Europe. In other words, it's all on your dime dude. Beware!

I want someone who isn't afraid to laugh and not take things to serious.
-Spell check. That's funny coming from someone anal retentive.....

I don't like drama.
-You are correct.... you love drama! By the way, you aren't alone when you throw in your family.

I also don't play games either.
-Not until your mask comes off. Queens of Co-D are great at this.

Life is to short to be alone.
-Well said, still spell check.

I don't want someone who isn't over their ex 
-Keep that in mind when you are drinking.
.
I treat people how I want to be treated. 
-Unicorns and rainbows the first year, year and half. Then the mask comes off. Be observant new dude!

I like all kinds of music. Anything from country to rock. My favorite band is the Eagles. I like all kinds of movies except for horror.
-When she listens to the Eagles.... observe her behavior. That's a hint.

I like to spend time with my family.My family is a major part of my life. I enjoy watching movies. I would like someone to spend time with. I can have a night at home, or go out on the town. I like to travel. 
-Your family runs your life. If you didn't sleep half your weekend away, who knows what might have been. New guy will find out soon enough.

Few more things...... Body Type: About average
-Maybe in 2005. Put your glasses on, see for yourself.

Drink: Social Drinker
-Have fun guys..... she can probably out-drink you.

No wonder so many say dating sites are full of BSers. Oh well.....


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## farsidejunky

Cmon, Chuck. You know the past is the past for a reason. Nostalgia, perhaps?


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## Chuck71

Egh.... I'm allowed a rant about once a year aren't I? :rofl:

Wish I'd have posted parts 2-5 before the rant, would have made much more sense. Did it bother me? It did a little, I won't lie. Did it bother her to see mine? You'd have to ask her.

Doesn't matter though..... I want kids, she doesn't. That is my deal breaker. Was in 2013, still is in 2015. No exceptions. If I did not want kids, I would go back to 1st love. She is still a head turner after 25+ years.


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## farsidejunky

I was only lightly busting your stones, brother. 

But it is clear there is not total indifference there. Take that for what it is worth.


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## Chuck71

That was admitted. But the finality is... what it is. None taken


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## Chuck71

Today was court day..... Mom did not get her driver's license pulled. I think since the police report involved a state trooper, she had to appear. I have full coverage on my truck, course minus deductable.... gee thanks mom. She can now drive her sister (the one dead to me) to the doctor's office and see if they got everything or did her cancer metastasize. On a human level, I do hope my aunt gets positive results.

I recently had to say goodbye to another friend. This one was not planned. It was a cool morning in 2002, I did not sleep in as I usually do on Saturdays. I had treated some higher functioning adults with disabilities to a trip to the pound. One had in his goals.... to adopt a puppy. We all know how it goes when one of those puppies locks in on your eyes. I told myself.... if the puppy is still not adopted by Saturday, end date on fence, I would have to myself. Granted... those of you who recall WC's animal attachment issues, at the time we only had one other dog.

Of course WC had to go..... she probably thought I had a POA waiting on me and used the pound as a front. Come to find out... the dog was gone but was dropped off while the family went on a trip. Huge sigh of relief. As I talked shop with the guy who worked there.... guess who got one and took it outside? "Look how his heart beats faster when I start taking him back inside." "WC.... we already have a dog." "If you get him... you're off the hook for Valentine's Day." I admit, I liked the idea. 

Have to hand it to WC.... that was one great choice she made. Ty was a great dog..... more laid back, stoner type. I will never forget seeing him in the back yard teething on a block of cement. Or the time he got into my MiL's anti-depressants. He walked like a model on the catwalk. He had learned he could jump over the fence into the woods awhile back. He also learned he couldn't after taking eight pills. It was hilarious watching him try but... we knew we couldn't let him go to sleep for awhile. 

When WC left.... Ty was the one dog I was not going to part with. Now there is only one left. The stray from 2007. Ty disappeared a couple weeks ago.... he did disappear a couple times in the ten years he had been in the country. But never more than a day or two. 2002-2015... I'm glad WC did talk me into adopting you. Where ever you are..... I hope you get tuna every night....


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## SamuraiJack

Awww...I dont know if I could live without my dog.


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## Chuck71

I grew up with a black Lab..... from 4th grade through college. There will never be one like him. But 'ol Ty came pretty close. With all my extra space..... being in the country, I may get the 07 stray one friend. Not sure yet.


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## SamuraiJack

I was raised on a homestead which was also a Newfoundland Breeder. I cant imagine life without pets of some form and a dog is my goto.

Right now I have a hybrid Maltese/Shih-Tzu who is an absolute powerball. My ex made me promise to always have a Shih-Tzu in the house.
She tried to take Oscar with her when she left. I told her it was literally going to have to be over my dead body.
Nobody takes my buddy away from me.


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## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> I was raised on a homestead which was also a Newfoundland Breeder. I cant imagine life without pets of some form and a dog is my goto.
> 
> Right now I have a hybrid Maltese/Shih-Tzu who is an absolute powerball. My ex made me promise to always have a Shih-Tzu in the house.
> She tried to take Oscar with her when she left. I told her it was literally going to have to be over my dead body.
> Nobody takes my buddy away from me.


Exactly the way I felt about Ty. At one time....WC had ten dogs. I touched on it in my first two threads. When we did the dog swap right after the D, if I could have gotten a certain three (she could only have two at her studio) at one time, I'd have shut down the swaps. 

I forced her hand and she was stuck with four. She gave one away, I did three (07 stray returned), kept her brother's dog and Ty. If I see a stray dog starving.... yes I will feed it, see if a no-kill place can take it. WC would want to bring every stray home.

We were watching Hoarders one evening and it showed a woman with around 35 cats. I looked over at her.... "Chuck am I that bad?"


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## SamuraiJack

As a side note...since my ex didnt get my dog...she eventually adopted one of her own.

One of the things she was quoted as saying was that she wanted to be "free to travel when ever she wanted".

Well, her new dog is so nuerotic that it chews EVERYTHING in the house whens she leaves and has to be at a doggie daycare 5 days a week because he will rip apart his crate and kill any shoes or cushions that catch his eye.

So much for the ability to travel whenever she wants! 

To make matters even funnier...In my mind anyway...I let the kids talk me into letting him stay with us for a few days. I went to the store for a few hours and came back to....

...wait for it...

...absolutely NO damage to any part of the house.

I made sure to mention it to her when I dropped him off. 

heheheheheheeeeee...I get along better with her DOG than she does.

How can you not laugh at that?


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## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> As a side note...since my ex didnt get my dog...she eventually adopted one of her own.
> 
> One of the things she was quoted as saying was that she wanted to be "free to travel when ever she wanted".
> 
> Well, her new dog is so nuerotic that it chews EVERYTHING in the house whens she leaves and has to be at a doggie daycare 5 days a week because he will rip apart his crate and kill any shoes or cushions that catch his eye.
> 
> So much for the ability to travel whenever she wants!
> 
> To make matters even funnier...In my mind anyway...I let the kids talk me into letting him stay with us for a few days. I went to the store for a few hours and came back to....
> 
> ...wait for it...
> 
> ...absolutely NO damage to any part of the house.
> 
> I made sure to mention it to her when I dropped him off.
> 
> heheheheheheeeeee...I get along better with her DOG than she does.
> 
> How can you not laugh at that?


:rofl: From what you have posted about your XW.... I'd chew shoes and cushions if I were around her too. You do know dogs immolate their owner's behavior..... no wonder he was neurotic.
I haven't heard the whole story about your XW but.... I believe yours had Window Cork soundly defeated in the delusional arena.


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## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl: From what you have posted about your XW.... I'd chew shoes and cushions if I were around her too. You do know dogs immolate their owner's behavior..... no wonder he was neurotic.
> 
> I haven't heard the whole story about your XW but.... I believe yours had Window Cork soundly defeated in the delusional arena.



Somebody say delusional??? Lol. 

The kids say CT keeps their dog in a cage unless they are there and playing with him because he chews everything up. 

Poor dog.


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Somebody say delusional??? Lol.
> 
> The kids say CT keeps their dog in a cage unless they are there and playing with him because he chews everything up.
> 
> Poor dog.


Poor 'ol WC wouldn't have a chance against CT. Not a snowball's chance in he!!

Have your kids let the dog out one day.... that dog will never be seen again.

Could you blame him though :rofl:


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## Ceegee

Interesting Chuck. 

I'm sure the dog would choose the same as the kids. 

No, I could not blame him. He is smarter than I was.


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## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl: From what you have posted about your XW.... I'd chew shoes and cushions if I were around her too. You do know dogs immolate their owner's behavior..... no wonder he was neurotic.
> I haven't heard the whole story about your XW but.... I believe yours had Window Cork soundly defeated in the delusional arena.


He's a rescue dog from SC. 
They found him in the road covered in gas. 
I cant blame all of his behavior on her...
Well I CAN...but I really shouldnt.

I'll admit by the time she left* I* was chewing shoes and cushions.


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## Chuck71

The karma bus is as consistent as the government raising taxes. I expect to be treated by others, as I treat them. For the most part... that is not an issue. I had three aunts at one time.... the two older than mom were funny, fair, yet blunt. If you walked in their roses, they'd let you know. They both kept me as a young child. I still recall, I was three or four, being at "Aunt Barbo's" house. Her tile floors, I called them the "bar=pa=bar floors." I have no clue how I came up with that title. Aunt Betty (she died in 2013) kept me while mom and pop went fishing or.... got kinky in a out of town hotel room. Anyway... while they were gone, I was running 'nine-o' and fell into corner of a coffee table. When my parents returned, we weren't there.... she took me to the ER. Boy I was a mood killer wasn't I? Not bad for a two year old just learning to run. No.... I skipped walking.

My other aunt was younger. The two older ones were 20-25 years older. This one was 20 years older than me. She would do all kinds of stuff with me as a kid. She was divorced and no children. I still recall learning she gave birth that morning before school....I was in third grade. I liked her while growing up. But something happened.... and it did not include me. She had just went through a third divorce and was strapped for cash. She had a subsidized housing mortgage.... in a nice neighborhood. She married a guy who worked where I spoke earlier of my favorite xBiL. His income raised her mortgage but when they divorced, her mortgage remained the same. No additional kids, maybe five year marriage. She worked two part time jobs.

She would often borrow money from relatives. I know she did from my parents. They were not rich but... I will say, even if they were, they just don't hand it out.... you earn it. I can't say how much I love them for being that way with me. I surmise my aunt started borrowing more than she was paying back when I overheard pop say, "Why loan money out when you know you will never get it back. We have had rough times. If they come again, she (aunt) will not be able to not only not pay it back but if we needed help." Again.... not a great parent but damn.... great teacher. He and my aunt had words. Pop was the type... he was very blunt and could actually be a heart squeezer. He could rip out your heart emotionally.... he did me as a kid. Luckily when I learned to play the game.... it stopped. Regretfully... in years later, I squeezed his. Revenge..... maybe. Do I regret it now that over twenty years has passed.... I do.

When pop had cancer, I was in my final semester of undergrad. After the Fall '95, all I had was student teaching and that was it. I had about six weeks left of the Fall semester and pop asked me to drop all my classes and take over the business until he got better. I told him... anchor it until I am through, then I can. I could student teach in the Spring '97. My aunt came up to hold the fort until I was through with college (daily). I drew a salary.... mom told me to use company money to buy meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) being she would have crapped a log if she learned I went shopping or used her kitchen. I was 24... LOL. Just write it on the outgoing books. I did.... or they wouldn't balance. If I needed $5 but not every day... she was okay with that. Just don't make it any every day thing. I didn't. My aunt would be calling mom 12 times a day saying I spent $4 on breakfast, $5 on lunch, $6 on dinner, and took $5 to buy dog food. It took a few times but mom told her to STFU..... "XXX is doing his best to save the business and go to school. If he takes a few dollars, who gives a damn. HE is buying things for the house that WE usually do. Now if he takes $100.... call me. But until then, MYODB."

That was 19 years ago. My aunt had ill feelings with pop years ago and then, with me. All that hate and animosity... spilled over to me. After the business fiasco, I lost a great deal of respect for her... as an aunt and a human being. She still was my aunt but, at arm's length. Mom has been there for her as she has for mom. They were the two younger sisters. Barbo and Betty were a lot older. Their kids were 15 years older than me. My aunt "D" was comical, very funny. She liked to make jokes, cracks... get you smart a$$ coffee mugs. When 2nd love and I had the vacation I have spoken on several times, I brought back a fridge magnet, "God still loves you even though everyone else thinks you are an a$$hole." Same thing she would have gotten me.... I would have laughed. She got majorly pizzed off. I knew then.... she has two Bibles, one for her.... another for other people.

Aunt D made a comment in front of me and UG... back in the summer. She had just helped mom through her melanoma surgeries. I so wanted to call her out. It would not have been pretty. But I did not want my actions to jeopardize her and mom's friendship. Mom agreed I had every right to throw her on the mat. But was thankful I also respected her wishes. When Aunt D stuck her nose into me and UG's relationship.... that was it for me. I'm sure she vilified me with the hatred she had for pop and.... me as well. Well... I know for a fact she did back in December. The deep dark secret post. After that point... she has been dead to me. I have ran into her at mom's and it's all I can do to say 'hi' to her. If I could unleash my wrath on her, like she has me, I would feel a lot better. But now.... I will never get that chance.

Today Aunt D learned she has stage 4 colon cancer. It is very bad. I even called 2nd love just to see if what I heard was valid, aka life expectancy. As a human, I feel bad for anyone with this. I will never forget one of my childhood heroes, Gary Carter, a few years ago learning he had a stage 4 cancer. He fought the great fight but died soon after diagnosis. I was still writing for the paper and did an extensive article on him.... how I saw him. You can't pull that from the AP wire. I still see him in 1986 when the NY Mets won it all, or when he was a 'kid' with Montreal in the late 70s and early 80s.

But as for feeling any emotion for my aunt, I have none. As a human... I would like to see her beat this. Her son is devastated. The doctor wants him with her on the next visit. 2nd love said the doctor will most likely initiate hospice. In some ways.... I feel guilty for not caring but I cannot find a reason to care. Maybe if I could re-capture the times she took me to the amusement park when I was 'knee high to a june bug.' I told a close TAM friend, it's like a guy living next door who gets drunk every weekend and breaks my window for eight straight weekends. He refuses to pay for it. He is ran over by a car while being drunk the ninth weekend. Will I lose any sleep over it? None at all.... but as a humanitarian, shouldn't I feel a sense of loss?

Since the beginning of 2013, I have lost a wife to D, an aunt in 2013, an uncle in 2014, a great dog I knew for nine years in 2014, a 4th love in 2014, a legendary dog in 2015, and now... another aunt in 2015 (if things play out). I spoke to a few TAM friends through a lot of this... and they were of tremendous help. I cannot thank those guys enough. But... I do miss being able to go to a woman and bear my soul, and not worry how I am being judged. I miss that connectivity.... I had that with WC. I had started it with UG but it never materialized. And the girl I have been seeing since January.... not a chance in he!!. I told her about the news and her reply was to tell me about her and her gf getting together the night before to have drinks. My reply....."If you have any of your schit here, it will be on the carport tomorrow. Don't ever come to my door again." We were dating other people, well at least I was but still.... that will not be tolerated.


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## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> And the girl I have been seeing since January.... not a chance in he!!. I told her about the news and her reply was to tell me about her and her gf getting together the night before to have drinks. My reply....."If you have any of your schit here, it will be on the carport tomorrow. Don't ever come to my door again." We were dating other people, well at least I was but still.... that will not be tolerated.


Wow...just wow.

Clueless or just plain cold...nobody needs that in their life.


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## Chuck71

She and I started seeing each other back in January. She was 32, college degree, cute, but the emotional maturity of an 18 y/o. But all I was seeking was someone to do things with, hang out. She would have been perfect if I was 15 or 16. She loved to read and even picked up a book I had recommended for her, Wuthering Heights. Her questions about music and movies did raise a flag. She would watch things like Gilmore Girls, Charmed.... I had to look it up. Not exactly what you would expect an educated 32 y/o to still be watching. Suffice to say I knew more about hair color than she did of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Kiss, or Metallica. 

She did know a ton about the 1960's beach movies, Frank Sinatra, and could sew, knit and crotchet like a pro (ask me about UG and her crotchet LOL)..... something you don't find much anymore. Come to find out her grandmother raised her. Her grandmother was close in age to my mom. She went to a Christian junior and high school. Her grandmother sheltered her to a great extent. For an unknown reason she went from being top notch with etiquette and class to a sexual freak. She would initiate oral to me and not just once a day, be explicit on what she liked, and recommended bringing a female friend into the mix.

If I could mix her sexual appetite and another girl I dated with a doctorate in biology who was sharp as a razor but had as much adventure as a Morman on Christmas Eve...... I would be set for life! But the 32 y/o can't handle money (shocker!), drinks at least a twelve pack of Cokes every night she came up (you know you need your kidneys... right?), goes through three rolls of toilet paper every night (I'm clueless), uses an entire bar of soap every time she showers, and to top it off...... with the bathroom door wide open..... did #2. I know guys who have been married for 30 years and they have never seen this. Saying I was floored..... understatement. Creepy.... just too creepy.

But we were just FWB..... never said ILY, never spoke on a commitment. Just a couple nights a week, we would get together. I know she knew better, that was just her priorities. After around a couple months, she started bring some of her stuff up.... aka silent squatter. While she was getting ready in the bathroom or taking a shower and doing God only knows with the bar of soap.... I would put her "bring alongs" back in her overnight bag. She never meant any harm.... I never took advantage of her. Anything we did was a mutual agreement. 

When I saw her overnight bag had "I Live for Shoes" I could hear pop screaming "AVOID, AVOID, AVOID"... Gee pop.... the he!! you say! I wish her the best in life.... just don't include me.


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## Ms. GP

Sounds like she has issues with..... uh... boundaries. Threesomes and open door dumps, Oh My!! Guess the good didn't outweigh the bad. Lol!!


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## Ceegee

I didn't even know girls shat. 

Like finding out there's no Santa.


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> I didn't even know girls shat.
> 
> Like finding out there's no Santa.


:rofl: Oh they do.... she must have thought her schit didn't stink....

it did, I lit more candles than an Enya concert

I still want to know WTF she did with all that toilet paper and bars of soap

Watch me have to have my septic tank pumped in another year

She did make a great German chocolate cake.... mom tried it, said it was dry.... typical mom

She asked when she was going to meet her...... Mom you don't meet these types of girls

Ohhhh... okay, whatever that means


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> her grandmother raised her. She went to a Christian junior and high school. Her grandmother sheltered her to a great extent. For an unknown reason she went from being top notch with etiquette and class to a sexual freak.


I know you understand that you answered your own question there.


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## Chuck71

Most of the time we tend to be rebellious around the ages of 15-17, usually when our emotional maturity is about the same. "Toilet paper taker" was still in that emotional maturity age of 18. My guess is she has been in this state for at least ten years.

I'm never one to ask about someone's past unless I see something serious down the road. One night while drinking she asked me the "how old were you when..... 1st time, 1st love, etc." I answered.... She then told me her 1st b/f was when she was 20.... and he was 55. I saw a big red flag there. 

Once she felt safe around me.... she figured she could "let her hair down and be rebellious." A female acting this was at 22 would raise enough warning flags, but 32.... nah, that is not relationship material in any way.


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## SamuraiJack

Put the crazy curlers in ..."Just for you"....


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## Chuck71

Now that I am speaking more on 'present terms' rather than playing **** Cavett's "Remember When," I just want to bring everyone up to date. I had several parts of the UG saga to post but I have thought I may not. I wouldn't have posted part one if I was not past everything. I wanted to wait until I felt.... not nothing but, no desire for any type of re-connect. Y'know... I'm bad about re-connects. Well Chuck... what got you past the point of never again? UG sent a few emails and the band played the songs at the lake. As a youth, I was in a garage band. We were pretty freaking good back then. Now we sound like schit, look like schit but we still jam every now and then. Three song special we had to play, not for tomorrow but for yesterday.

Outside of the "toilet paper taker," there were a few other near hits. One is 40, divorced, kids are grown, very open to one or two more children. She graduated from a high end business school with a double major, nosebleed GPA. We get along excellent, similar interests, have same Love Language needs. She has been divorced quite a bit longer than I have. We had a few drinks a couple of times and.... maybe I'm just the type of person people open up to, but she has something holding her back. Do I think she is wanting us to take things to a higher level, yes I do. But something is in her rear view mirror. I have a few ideas of what it is but.... these are things she has to consider and deal with. The ball is really in her court. I like her a great deal.... she has spent the night here several times. There has been no sex. It is already complicated with her... no need to heighten it. Of the current females I am seeing, if I had to say who would have the best chance at #5.... it would be her.

One female was 29.... first female I dated more than once in their 20s when we first met. She was more religious than I anticipated but I am quite religious myself. She took exception to my stand as I am a firm believer in God but have multiple issues with organized religion. We ended up having a few discussions about it. She understood and respected my stance. She had never been married, no children. Things progressed well.... she had a tendency to call other people out quite often. We were driving around the lake, headed for a hiking trail. I like heavy metal.... I also like Christian rock..... what I don't like are the Christian songs that make you want to stop the car every three miles and cry. Not my thing...... I had thought I left a Petra CD in the cd player. She pushed it in while I was pumping gas and..... it was Iron Maiden, 1982 release Number of the Beast. After 20 questions I knew..... if you think it is bad now..... imagine married and with kids..... and her playing songs backwards to hear Satanic sayings. That was all I needed to know.

I have to admit, there are more crazies out there in their 30s and 40s. There is no way there are that many in their 20s. But what do I know? He!! maybe I should travel to Walnut Grove and court a teenager until she is 18, get married, churn butter on the porch, widdle, have nine babies, work the farm...... in an odd abstract way it does sound enticing. Oh.... the three song set.....

the crash https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAE7KPI9T0U

search parties https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEiNE8Ej5i0

departure https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryFwZFFU-pg


----------



## Chuck71

Sometimes when you write things..... you foretell your future. Was written in 2012....

The clear night sky was one of the few comforts left for Mike. He sits outside staring upward as he sips coffee. He ponders out loud, ‘never understood why the best nights for star gazing are during the winter. Nothing in life seems to make sense anymore. I always thought the older I got, the more things would fall in line. Once upon a time I loved my job, now it seems like work. The eagerness to feel my work has been spent up a long time ago. I’m almost forty and not only can I not see the forest for the trees; I can’t even spot a tree. Brianna has been gone two months and I really couldn’t blame her. She tried her best and I just continued to distance myself from everyone. I have a teenage daughter that I rarely get to see and I wonder why she never cares if I get to see her more than four or five times a year. Where in the hell did my life go? Everything is electronic now. The times, they are a’ changing. What I would give to take back twenty years and know then what I know now. The old high school was torn down and replaced by a new age facility. Ted’s went out of business almost six years ago. I couldn’t go back if I tried. Not that it would matter, the teachers I knew are all retired or passed on, even if Ted’s was still standing, I wouldn’t know a sole. I guess this is what everyone calls a mid-life crisis. I don’t know, I don’t want a new sports car. The insurance would probably match the payments. Lo, how intriguing it was to have a future full of doubt and mystery. That sure was emboldened when you are 18, not when you are 38. Are you never too old to go home? I can remember like it was last year, I was Holly’s age. So full of questions, questions about my future. Hell I have more questions now than I did then.’ The alarm clock rings and Mike is reminded it is time to depart from his private world.

“Hey Thomas, what’s your plans for tonight?” “I haven’t a clue Raymond…maybe sift through some cards…see if I can build a set.” “Me and a few others are going to the beach tonight, whip it up a little. Care to join us?” “I appreciate the offer but I think I will take a rain check.” “What are you going to do, just sit around a sort out cards and listen to the golden oldies station the rest of your life?” “That sounds enticing right about now.” “Mike what happened to that guy you used to speak of that loved to party and drink like there’s no tomorrow?” “Raymond when you get to be my age, the tomorrows catch up with you.” “Okay…you take care of yourself MT. I hope I’m not this way when I get your age.” Mike mumbles, “You’ll get there someday.” “Did you say something Mike?” “No…yes…I was reminding myself to submit the story on next year’s prospects before Thursday.” 

Mike returned to his desk and watched Raymond and the others get revved up for a night on the town. He thought back to the days when he would have joined right in. It wasn’t that long ago, it just seemed like it was. After wrapping up his work for the day, Mike ponders ‘I need to stop by the store and grab a few things, stop by the ball card shop and head home. I wonder if Scooter has crapped in the kitchen again. Gee what an exciting life I have built. Raymond and the others main concern is how many shots they can take before the pier starts to spin or will they get lucky, my social life is headlined by what will be in the box of cards I am getting and will I have to mop the floor after picking up poop. I so love my life’.

“Why in the world do I still like watching Christmas cartoons? Probably because I make a regal attempt to appear happy and glowing before my parents arrive for Christmas.” “I need to really get a life; I’m talking to myself, and answering back.” Mike prepares the box of cards to be opened at the dinner table and searches the cabinets for something to munch on while he opens the box. He grabs a box of ginger snaps not mainly for him but for Scooter. Whenever he tries to jump up on him, he tosses one across the room so he can resume sorting cards. He spreads a clean towel over the table so none of the cards would get any stain on them. As he grabbed for the mail, it was the usual order, trash, trash, bill, holiday card from Aunt Vicky, mental note send her one, bill, bill, ad for cheap satellite television, bill, holiday card from…hmmm no name…odd, magazine and trash. Mike wonders how much money the post office makes by sending all this junk out knowing 95% of the recipients immediately toss them. He walks over to his To Remember sticker sheet on the refrigerator and writes –send Aunt Vicky a card, also ask about her kids. He starts to list the other needing to be sent but there was no return address on it. 

Mike rolls his eyes thinking he should just trash it as well and say he had never gotten it if anyone ever asks. He opens the envelope and glances at the card. He flips it open to find folded up paper and a paragraph of conscribed words. At the bottom it read ‘Yours Truly, Holly and Cara. Holly always sends him a card for Christmas as Mike sends her one too. But he wondered ‘why is Cara’s name on it too?’ He opens the folded up letter.

“Dear Mike-I hope this letter reaches you safely. I know you will probably throw this letter away before I can say anything else but please read this. If not for me, for Holly, or for the people you and I once were. Mike I know you had every right in the world to hate me for hiding Holly from you. My reasons were at best, very selfish. So many times I wanted to call you up and tell you, you are a father. But as the days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years….you are old enough to understand what I am trying to say. The way you found out was not the way I had hoped. The day you confronted me about it is a day I have relived in my mind thousands of times. 

I know you are asking yourself why in the world is she sending me a letter. I’m sitting here at Emerald Island, by the rock where we promised ourselves to each other forever. Maybe it is just me but what ever happened to those two people? Did they remain here or did they return to the dog eat dog world and be assimilated into miserable, self-absorbed humans? I would like to think they are out there somewhere, maybe lost in a different time paradox. 

My best days are behind me. I want to make sure Holly does well in school and chooses a college that meets her needs. If she goes away to school, it will be me, alone in this huge vast of humanity. Shaun has a son now and I could watch him when he gets older but he already reminds me so much of how Shaun was a little **** when he was that age. -

Mike I know why I am writing this and know what I want to say but just can’t formulate the correct words. I guess I shouldn’t worry, if you are still reading this letter to this point, it may not matter how it is presented. I know I am partly to blame throughout everything. You know you are too; you have never tried to dodge responsibility. I never forgot about you Mike. I never wanted to. So many times I would think back to the times we shared together. The priceless moments where you bought me a coat for our first Christmas together in case I was at your house and got cold, or that time in high school when you stayed up almost all night to make me that chart to help me study for the mid-term in history. Then the fights we had would creep up. 

We had our share of fights. I could not help but notice a couple of years ago made it twenty years since we met. Then it was twenty years since we became a couple passing by and this past summer, twenty years since you were standing with me at the ocean, where I am while writing this. Maybe I’ve lost something along the way. I do know my life had more meaning when I was with you. If it wasn’t for Holly I honestly think I would have picked up my old college habits again. I wanted to write this but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would put it off again and again, just like a lot of other things. I knew if I returned here, I would be forced to write this. I really hope I am not rambling on and on endlessly. See page 2.

I have not been able to keep up with what you are doing. It’s pretty hard to when you live thousands of miles away. I thought a few times about calling your parents but I know they were also upset about keeping Holly from you. I have read some of your articles on-line. I never thought you would turn out to be a well known writer. That was what gave you fits when we first dated. There is a link to your business e-mail but I never sent anything. I guess what I am trying to say is…I don’t know if you’re happily married or seriously dating someone. You never shared anything like that with Holly and even if you did, I don’t think she would have told me. I don’t know if you ever think about me or the times we were together. I just want to tell you.... I have. 

I almost got married again but I backed out. It would have been another marriage of convenience and probably lasted about as long as the first one. All the years that have passed by have taught me one thing, I can relate in many ways to how you felt about Angie. I’m one more Black Friday away from 40 and it took a number of years for me to realize…you did not still love her, you just did not want to feel as if you left her behind or forgot about her. -

I can relate because in many ways that is how I feel about you. I can’t say I love you honestly because I really no longer know who you are. I do know I will always love the person you were when you were around me. Deep down I would like to love you again but you are obviously over me. You have made it 16 years without me, and I am sure you can make it 16 more. If I had things to do over again, as you knew from our 2nd attempt at love, I would not have went to Alcorn. If I had chosen that route, we never would have had the fight when I was leaving or the nightmare of a fight when I came back to see you. If we had never broken up you would not have hidden the fact you were going to see her gravesite. I would hope by then I would have come to an understanding, you loved me but also cared about Angie as a friend, not a girlfriend. I could have been there when you grieved over her death and kept you from dropping out of school that semester. 

It took me five months to send this letter to you. You may never respond to this and I will respect your wishes and never bother you like this again. I will be moving back home after Christmas. Holly does not care for the junior high she is attending and offered to help pack. If you want to, tell your parents I am returning and they can see Holly anytime they want, she wants to get to know her other grandparents more than she has in the past. The house is not far from where my parents live. I hope this letter finds you in a warm way. If I never hear back from you I want to say thank you for making five years of my life wonderful and helping me bring a beautiful baby girl into this world. 

In closing, I would like to correct a statement I made earlier, I do still love you.” Yours truly, Cara [email protected]

Mike looked closer at the signature. It seemed to have been erased out and marked over. He turned the paper over and held it up to the light. Before she had marked through and erased, the [email protected] was Thomas, the way she would sign her name when they were going steady. The letter bothered Mike. He folded up the towel and placed the box of cards on the counter. Scooter jumped in his lap as he sat in his recliner and stared off into the walls. The silence lasted several hours. He ran the letter through his head dozens of times. The card signed by Cara was a shock but the letter within the card hit him like a sledgehammer. 

Mike rose from the recliner and tried to go back to his normal routine. He opened the box of cards and sorted them out into stacks of 100. After opening all the packs he was ready to separate the groups of 100 into groups of 10. It only took the first seven cards to realize the cards were all mixed up. His mind was not on what he was doing. He could not get the letter out of his mind. He decided to try his best to watch some television and get it off of his mind. If the letter continued to invade his mind the next day, he would consider re-reading it and maybe, possibly writing a reply.

“So Raymond how did the partying go?” “It got a bit rough towards the end. We had chugging contests.” “I can tell, you’re still half asleep and you focus like a 97 year old man.” “Don’t remind me please. I notice your eyelids are a bit heavy. What did you do last night?” “Ah nothing much, sorted out a set, read through some mail and watched some tube.” “Looks more to it than you’re admitting MT.” “There is more to it but I will go into more detail sometime later.” “Just keep us posted MT!” 

Mike was able to finish up three stories that were due by the end of the week. The same stories he thought would take him until Friday afternoon to finish. The day was drawing to a close and Mike was estimating short outlines for a few other stories for the next week. His boss called him into his office. “You called Mr. Duggan?” “Yes Thomas I did. I read over the stories. Did you do these at home?” “No I did each one today. They’re still saved on our WR file. Check them out if you want.” “I must say Thomas, this is the best work you have done in a good while. It’s like the ones you used to write when you came in to work with a smile.’ 

“What do you mean sir?” “You had been coming in looking like driftwood for the last year. You’re damn lucky your C work is still as good as most peoples A work. But when you crank out your A effort, it is the best around. I don’t know what you did today but…keep it up!” Mike walked back to his desk and when the time to go home arrived, he had the rough draft ready for an entire week of information.

This was my first rough draft..... but it hit home so well.... premonition?


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## Chuck71

It was a typical night. I had a female friend over... she had been here several times in the past. We were having a few drinks and enjoying the other's company. She drank a bit too much but for some reason... she was appearing to be "schit drunk." She fell onto the bed and noted she fell on her wrist. She went on to add she might need to take another pain pill. After asking when she took the last one and she replied right before she came over..... I rolled my eyes and knew it was going to be a long night. For five hours it was "hey wake up" every five to ten minutes. Before she did go to sleep.... she got a bit crabby.... the he!! you say. "I did not know it was dangerous to mix alcohol and pain pills." Ummmm... she works in the medical field....hello! She may have thought it was 'cute' to play dumb..... it wasn't. Made sure her overnight bag was all packed up when she left.

Due to the fact WC forwarded her mail but never gave the address to send it to.... I still receive her mail. I have spoken to the post office several times. UG would even write on each letter "does not reside here any longer," to no avail. Since the dogs grab the mail out of my hand a lot.... and mom is just plain nosey.... WC's bankruptcy was just dismissed. Some things..... just never change. Her brother stopped by to pick up some of his things. He has aged a lot. We shared a few drinks and stories. He plans to visit his sister soon. It will not be pretty. He watched his mother's remembrance video.... eight years later. We both shed a few tears... he more than me. "No matter what my crazy sister does... we will always be brothers. You took care of my stuff when most would have threw it out." If he was like his sister, I would have throw his things out too.

Them damn doggies.... they also ripped open another letter. Apparently WC has some competition in collection letters. UG was sent one from a local agency , for $750. It appears she beat the bank on a bounced check. Being the good citizen I am.... I wanted to make sure this letter was sent to her proper address. When she moved out, UG did not want to tell me where she was moving to..... even though she indicated I could come by and see her dog whenever I wanted. Yes I still laugh. Mom knows where she moved to, thanks to the follow up letter sent by the post office confirming the new address. I never cared to know where she resided at. 

Because I do not know her new address, refuse to call her... no matter what the reason, and swore to never email her unless emailed first.... I only had one option. Send the letter to her parent's address. I am certain they will make sure she gets it. "Please inform your daughter to correctively route her collection letters to her current address. Thank you very much, Chuck." Yes I know what will happen. I will also send the very same email I sent WC..... "It is not my responsibility to serve as your PO Box when you do not reside here yet receive your debt collection letters."


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## Chuck71

Good Times, Bad Times, Old Times, and Some Times


When mom moved out of the duplex, she stored some of her things at her sister's house. The aunt I spoke on awhile back. Mom wanted to get her things out after learning about her cancer. Guess where she decides to store it now? You guessed it! It's not all bad....I plan on using some of it. She comes out a bit more and we are getting along rather well. We always have, just sometimes she does an anger dump and being an only child.... guess who gets it. I simply re-set my boundaries and act accordingly.

One detail beneficial to me is the fact when she comes out.... she cooks. I never turned my kitchen fully over to UG....she was not that great a cook. WC and her mom.... oh yeah, they would cook me under the table. All I have to do is, 'Mom you know...I've been craving xxx' and next thing I know that's what she cooks next time out. Most of it is things she likes as well. Mom showed me a letter she received.... from the state saying she has to take a driving workshop. She thought she was out of the woods... LOL! If she refuses to go the DMV will pull her DL for six months. "Well if I fail it they will pull them for good so I may not go." Yeah... I thought I got all my stubbornness from pop. 

Ironically I have ran into so many guy friends who just went through or are going through a D. I feel like doing a round table discussion about it. Some are taking it better than others. One friend I worked with about the time WC and I were married, he highly suspected her of cheating but never investigated. He will refuse to admit they are D, using Biblical theory. I get that.... they have two kids. I also stated what is the Bible's stance on adultery? He indicates he would take his W back not knowing if she cheated or not. I directed him here to TAM. He is hanging out with a guy we both worked with... same situation but they had no kids. I encouraged him to come here as well in late 2013. Maybe it's just me but sitting around waiting for someone to come back who might have / did cheat on you..... I just don't get it. Maybe it's just me.

This will be the first 4th holiday I will not have to worry about Ty (pound puppy from 2002 who wondered off earlier this year and never came back) being scared to death with fireworks. I wish I still had that worry. I would feed him nerve pills and put him in the shed behind the garage. Fireworks are shot off about ten days before and maybe a week after the 4th so it wasn't just a one night deal. Good thing I don't miss WC or UG like I do Ty.... I'd be tempted to give them a call.

I hate to say it but.... scorecard dating is starting to get a bit old. I am semi-dating two women older than me. Neither can have children but each just left LTR marriages. It's mainly hanging out.... discussing life and spending the night here or there. In other words, pretty much exactly what I was doing between 2nd love and I's last hurrah to meeting WC. I'm comfortable with this..... for now. 
There are a few others..... couple in their 30's, one in her 20's. One wanted to be a prima donna but reacted quite well to my reality checks. One is way too early to call and the other...we're just taking things slow. Life is good.... but it could be better.

My birthday is upcoming and three of them want to do something with me that day...... and so does mom. It did cross my mind to line up the three at an Italian bistro (not the one I have been to enough to put the owner's kids through college) who gives you a free meal on your birthday. Try to carve out a noon, midday, and evening dinner. I'd have to smoke pot to eat that much. Maybe this summer isn't turning out as bad as I thought it would. Last summer is when the wheels started to come off with UG.... I like where I am at now a lot more than a year ago.

Guess the winds started back and I didn't notice......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=944wGt77Br4 Journey-Stone in Love


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## zillard

Ain't nothin' beats Mom's cookin! 
And all you have to do is store some boxes. Lucky dog. 

As for your friends sitting around and waiting - it's not just you. 
I don't get it either. Well, I understand but it's just not me. 

My dog is very afraid of fireworks too. Paces, whines, won't eat, drink, or go out. Might take him camping for the holiday weekend this year. Get out of town. But then he gets scared of the crackling fire. Poor guy. Sits there shaking, wanting me to comfort him, even though I'm the one that keeps throwing the logs on the fire. Much like your friends I suppose. lol


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## Chuck71

I can't agree more...... mom can pull a Socrates out of thin air and make me feel as dumb as dirt. She used to cook 5-6 times a week back when I was a kid. Mashed potatoes OMG! If she cooked for me every day I would weigh 300 pounds within six months. It's easy to turn down fast food or crap "young females" cook... I even save peanut butter jars that have a bit left in it. She will scape the bottom and make the best PB & J sammies around.

Mom has some antique furniture so I am not complaining. I am more antique than new age. If it was left up to me....I'm a typical guy, have white walls or Pittsburgh Steeler wallpaper. Anytime WC did the new wallpaper, I was like "yeah ok whatever".... like I had enough knowledge to say no it looks bad.

Ty was born around Christmas 2001 and I am certain that is where his fear lied. Sometimes I would pull him in the pool on a float (40 lb. dog) and he was okay. We rarely ever made 4th plans due to him going crazy but..... it was worth it. I would love to trek in the mountains here but I respectfully avoid the week of Memorial Day, 4th, and Labor Day. Every one and their brother is up there and most are drinking and..... drink too much. Unneeded tension. I simply wait until the week before or after.


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## Ceegee

Moms cooking was the best. Took it for granted. 

Ever since my younger sister and I grew up and left the house my poor dad rarely gets a home cooked meal. 

Now, since my D, I've discovered that I too am a pretty damn good cook. First meal I made for my GF was a spicy Tenderloin. It marinates for 8 hours and cooks for 1 hour. 

By the time GF arrived neighbors were out in the hallway wondering where the smell was coming from. 

She was very impressed and still talks about it to this day. 

Sadly, I get where your friends are coming from. As far as I've come I still get feelings. However, I recognize this as a weakness in my self and keep perspective. 

This often happens in "pedestal" relationships. It's just a tough habit to break.


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## Chuck71

Compare / Contrast

July 1987... MW and I were hanging out one summer afternoon. A few beers and some good weed. We get a call about a party going on and off we were. It lasted late into the night and I met several people. Everyone danced to groups such as Ratt, Poison, Journey, and Bon Jovi. I was introduced to a girl named TH. She and I seemed to hit it off. I was not completely out of my element but it was foreign. Coming of age moments happen out of nowhere. TH was one of "those girls" who every guy wanted to date. TH was a party girl and had a "reputation."

We drank more than we should have. MW pulled me aside and asked how things were going. I informed him I was getting along with TH very well and we may go to one of the lofts. This meant making out and going all the way. MW informed me it was wise to use protection (I had none) and to keep in mind TH has numerous notches on her bedpost. "Chuck do you want to take the chance of being a dad at 15 and knowing your g/f / wife has rode more people than Greyhound? You could even get that AIDS thing going around." "Yo MW what's up with that..... only gay men get that." "Yeah Chuck...explain why females are dying as well."

That night was an eye opener for me. I was at the type of party I always wanted to, hanging out with the "in crowd," and had a jaw dropping female at my side. But I knew things were traveling way too fast. TH and I got up to the loft and I was not sure what to do after we made out a bit. Luckily TH took over.... as in passing out after a couple make out sessions. Defining moment indeed.

July 2015...Was speaking with a female, bit older, recently divorced. She invited me over to her place. When I arrived she informed me she took a nerve pill that morning, was still nervous (this was apparent when she commonly lit her cigarette at the wrong end) and asked me if I liked what she had on (see through top, could see pretty much entire bra easily.... and the shortest skirt I had ever seen). She had friends over when I came and I did not think nothing about it. Until none of the friends were leaving. This is not my general idea of a first meeting.

The music was a bit loud and her friends started a little in-fighting. I ventured out to the back porch in hopes she would soon follow. We spoke outside a bit, lightly made out and ventured back in. A friend brought out some weed. I thought...ok whatever..... see what happens. As the night drew on... the stereo got louder, everyone was yelling, and the topic of chat was.... mindless. Some of her friends could not handle their weed, not to mention the liquor they follow it with. I never mix weed and booze unless I truly know a person. I still have my facilities with one or the other but it is clouded with both. 

Since I did not know these people, I was not trying both.
We partied way past midnight. My date obviously could not handle both well either. The music continued to get louder and louder so I went outside to the deck. The music was not that bad but her friends screaming in my ear..... about mindless schit.... that was annoying. I would glance inside and saw her in a "DUH" state moving to the music in a chair. I asked her to come outside and we chatted some, made out and she complained she was dizzy, the porch was spinning. What a wonderful first date! She went back inside and I stated I was staying outside.... the music was way too loud and everyone is yelling about senseless things. One friend told me my date was a wonderful person.... and proceeded to write it on a piece of paper and showed it to everyone as if it was an achievement.... yes she was completely wasted.

I learned as the night progressed, one of the friends was her little brother. Posted on the fridge were his court dates for DUIs and fines he must pay to the county. Throughout the night he drank twelve 32oz beers... yeah he is a professional drunk. One was a relative who was clearly a paranoid schizophrenic and another..... was her cousin who was the writing expert mentioned previously, who continually challenged me on my presentation of AIDS..... I had mentioned several years ago I assisted a med student in research of AIDS (close friend's daughter) but her version was the Germans invented it during WW2. Yeah..... LOL.... there's a reason she never finished nursing school. 

I stood in the kitchen while everyone else passed out, including my "date." Fun times.... fun times
I sat outside making sure I was sober, it was very foggy and raining hard. Last thing I need is not to have clear judgment on the roads. In the meantime, her brother and the para-skitz were doing the deed and going from one bedroom to the other. At least they wrapped towels around themselves. The wanna-be nursing student (in her 50s mind you) passed out on one couch, my date the other. With nowhere to crash.... I searched for a bed to doze a couple hours on before I departed. I found her bedroom, laid out on top of the sheets with all my clothes on. Woke up around 4AM and left.

I added up, her home (very nice home) was next to her parents. My date lied to me about working.... her real job was babysitting her grandson and taking care of her lucid little brother and the psycho relatives. I don't care how much money someone has or how attractive they are..... sitting around and getting wasted all the time and having to watch after the family fvck ups is not my idea of g/f material. But it's funny... Chuck 1987 would have jumped at that chance. Well times change. As I drove home in the fog and rain.... I remembered how I felt some nearly thirty years prior.

We spoke the next day...... she was offended I did not drink beer (she made a special trip to the store for my beer.... how gracious of her to "waste" $6 on me) after we smoked weed. She went on to say I did not mingle with her guests. Really! "I would rather not be in a situation where everyone is wasted or beyond wasted (notice I smoked but never drank) and the stereo is loud enough to receive a disturbing the peace charge. Not to mention everyone is trying to scream over the music and in my ear about schit that is beyond nonsense. You were a piss poor host, got smashed and.... on our FIRST meeting. You lied about having a job, you lied about your brother having a job, you lied about your cousin being a nurse. It is obvious everyone is living off of your parents, not my cup of tea. I bet your parents are good people, I wished I could have met them."

She asked if we could still be friends, I said sure. Immediately de-friended her and have nothing else to say. That night reminded me so much of my situation in 1987. Funny thing was.... this time I knew better. I could imagine pop saying 'sober up and GTFO' as I would my son. The one ironic theme in this was her directions to where she lived. She lived not even a mile from where UGs parents lived. Ironic indeed...... July 4th was the beginning of the end for UG and I last year, well that is how I saw it. My date asked if I was still going to see the fireworks with her Saturday night..... at Mr. XXXXXX's place. Yes it was UGs parents place. I respectfully declined.....


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Moms cooking was the best. Took it for granted.
> 
> Ever since my younger sister and I grew up and left the house my poor dad rarely gets a home cooked meal.
> 
> Now, since my D, I've discovered that I too am a pretty damn good cook. First meal I made for my GF was a spicy Tenderloin. It marinates for 8 hours and cooks for 1 hour.
> 
> By the time GF arrived neighbors were out in the hallway wondering where the smell was coming from.
> 
> She was very impressed and still talks about it to this day.
> 
> Sadly, I get where your friends are coming from. As far as I've come I still get feelings. However, I recognize this as a weakness in my self and keep perspective.
> 
> This often happens in "pedestal" relationships. It's just a tough habit to break.


CG...... invite your dad over for a home cooked meal....LOL.... the poor guy
I can empathize with the one who has two kids. Had WC and I had children... I would not have been as "swift and final" with her. Kids complicate things. I recall asking lots of guys on TAM when I first joined... would they have put up with this much BS had you not had kids.

One of the guys I don't see as a "pedestal" it was a fail safe to religion. When we worked together...he was not quite pious. The other, no kids, sad to say he is a classic Mr. Doormat. As Conrad would say, you can lead them to water..... but you can't make them drink.

The phrase the leaver always returns has been a truth in my 25 years in viewing relationships. But the win-win is working on yourself, bettering yourself, owning your POS tendencies. If they return, your choice to make. If you are not "over" them and are waiting for them to return, welcome to version 2.0 of the bad times. It's not rocket science but some seem to make it as such....


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## honcho

Chuck71 said:


> CG...... invite your dad over for a home cooked meal....LOL.... the poor guy
> I can empathize with the one who has two kids. Had WC and I had children... I would not have been as "swift and final" with her. Kids complicate things. I recall asking lots of guys on TAM when I first joined... would they have put up with this much BS had you not had kids.
> 
> One of the guys I don't see as a "pedestal" it was a fail safe to religion. When we worked together...he was not quite pious. The other, no kids, sad to say he is a classic Mr. Doormat. As Conrad would say, you can lead them to water..... but you can't make them drink.
> 
> The phrase the leaver always returns has been a truth in my 25 years in viewing relationships. But the win-win is working on yourself, bettering yourself, owning your POS tendencies. If they return, your choice to make. If you are not "over" them and are waiting for them to return, welcome to version 2.0 of the bad times. It's not rocket science but some seem to make it as such....


I never had kids, I can only image how much more complicated my mess would be. My best friend has lived apart from his wife for over 14 years because the state here always made it complicated with child support etc. His son just graduated and turned 18. Should be interesting to see if they finally get divorced now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Most TAM posters in the D section, have child(ren). I feel I was lucky my stepson devolved into being a fourth rate mongrel way before WC and I split. Had he done so after the split, it would have bothered me greatly. When I was in the black hole and after I climbed out, I read on TAM to get a release from my schitstorm.

I would immerse myself in threads other guys were going through..... GutPunch, Zillard, ReGroup, CeeGee, StayStrong.... I'm sure there were many more. Those threads are where I got to know Conrad, Mavish, HappyMan64, Nucking Futs, ThreeStrikes... the list goes on. I read..... I learned... most I was previously aware of but in the threads you saw "in action" how things were played out. Much better than reading them in a book.

If you read old threads you will run across some dynamic posters but the one thing I noticed.... most of the great posters are banned, permabanned. Not sure why but it is odd.

Gotta hand it to you Honcho..... I don't think there are many females who could run the same craziness as your STBXW........ she makes my WC look like a Rhodes scholar.


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## honcho

Chuck71 said:


> Most TAM posters in the D section, have child(ren). I feel I was lucky my stepson devolved into being a fourth rate mongrel way before WC and I split. Had he done so after the split, it would have bothered me greatly. When I was in the black hole and after I climbed out, I read on TAM to get a release from my schitstorm.
> 
> I would immerse myself in threads other guys were going through..... GutPunch, Zillard, ReGroup, CeeGee, StayStrong.... I'm sure there were many more. Those threads are where I got to know Conrad, Mavish, HappyMan64, Nucking Futs, ThreeStrikes... the list goes on. I read..... I learned... most I was previously aware of but in the threads you saw "in action" how things were played out. Much better than reading them in a book.
> 
> If you read old threads you will run across some dynamic posters but the one thing I noticed.... most of the great posters are banned, permabanned. Not sure why but it is odd.
> 
> Gotta hand it to you Honcho..... I don't think there are many females who could run the same craziness as your STBXW........ she makes my WC look like a Rhodes scholar.


I always said I got the "special one" haha

I too miss posters like conrad and others. The dance to be politically correct and debating a point is difficult at times. I do wish I would have found tam earlier in my fiasco, some of the sage wisdom would have benefitted me early on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

"When you watch them long enough, they tell on themselves" - Popism 

True colors always show.... eventually. Mom has been under the weather lately, I think she pulled a muscle in her chest trying to lift stuff she may could have at 31.... not 71. I have had to run her to the doctor several times, no big deal. She felt bad about it. I finally asked, "Did it bother you to haul my a$$ to baseball and football practices as a kid and virtually kill your entire evening?" She said of course not. I replied, well this is repaying the favor. Stop feeling bad damn it. Every time she gets sick she is afraid it's cancer. TBH... I can understand.... she has smoked for 60 years. On the trip in 2007, my MiL died at 77, mom's oldest sister died in 2013 at 77. For some reason I do see her staying until at least 77. Scientific proof..... none. Just a hunch.

My perma-banished aunt called me... left message (when I see her # on ID I never answer). She went on to tell me she thinks I would take care of my mom if she got bad off. Gee.... like her vote of confidence means a hill of schit to me. It sounds as if "up until that call" she feared I would beat my mother daily, steal her SS check and blow it on (lol insert anything but nail polish and Persian rugs). She is about twenty years older than me and has not had a date in the last twenty years. I could go on and on about her erratic and unexplainable behavior but... I think what I said was enough. "Mom Socrates" did tell me back in December..... UG will end up like my sister, they're too much alike. 

Speaking of the oh so precious UG..... LOL.... after re-directing her debt collection letter to the only address I "knew" ... her parents, I received a thank you card from her. She stated to email her in the future (yeah.... wish in one hand, schit in the other...see which fills first). She also indicated to send it to her work address.... as I stated if another collection letter came, her parents would get it again. On with the show...... today a man rang my doorbell. A constable serving court papers for....... yeah..... UG, even after her parents (I am 110% sure of this) scolded her and told her to set up a payment method. The attorney who handles these debt collections from companies does not kid around.... after about a month and no contact, he runs you to court. I know a couple females who work there.... mom used to baby sit his little brother. Small town..... small town LOL

Anyway.... after I told the guy UG does not reside here, he asked do I have contact with her any more. I replied she used to be a live-in and now she is a live-out. He asked where can he reach her. Well.... I'm a fair person, and a patriotic American citizen. If I can help out our law enforcement agencies in any way, I try to. I also respected what UG requested in the thank you card. An email would not help this "man of the law" so I defaulted to my only.... other option..... her work address. Since the man has to serve it in person...... oh well!!! If there is one thing to be gathered from this is..... be careful what you wish for.

Recently I met a vision right out of a magazine, the look (at 43), the attitude, the boldness.... we matched up in way way many categories. We talked online.... was nice, spoke on phone.... very solid connection, met in person..... guys remember that arse tightening up feeling when you first meet a girl. Yes.... it was there. She is a restaurant manager.... we met where she worked. First meet.... she remembered my love of seafood. She had a HUGE plate cooked and it was exactly what I had told her my favorite seafood was. This plate had to cost $60. I know she got an employee discount but still...... "You do know you are forced to go out with me and I am paying the next few times.... " She was in agreement..... "you were appreciative, that shows good character in a man."

There is a lot more to her and I but I will hold off for now. I need a trip to the lake.... no she will not be accompanying me. This is a solo trip.... for some deep introspection. And I thought this summer was gonna suck compared to years past..... LOL I was so wrong. 

We danced to this at HER lake.... LOL Sure wish we had met 25 years ago.......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ9WgQ-R12Q Britny Fox - Standing In The Shadows


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## Chuck71

I watched the All-Star Game festivities. I feel it was right to allow Pete Rose to be present. Rose should have been amongst the four greatest living players. Hank Aaron... agree, Willie Mays....agree, Sandy Koufax.... mostly agree (short career), Johnny Bench.... oh he!! no. I could argue Rose and Greg Maddux. When I saw Joe Morgan walk out... he showed his age. To me.... I can recall when he was a player.... like it was just last year. Mays was very grey in the face.... in some ways I still expect him to look like he did on his 1971 Topps card. 

I would read books from the library on Aaron, Mays, Koufax in grade school. I hope these current players respect the contributions these players gave decades ago. I watched the game but "didn't watch it." I decided it would be nice to go retro and pull out an old set and go through the cards as the game was played. Something I would do... 25-30 years ago. Thankfully quite a few games are now available on youtube. After the 2015 Game, I pulled up the 1985 game. 

2005..... I did not pay much attention to the game. By this time, almost every player I grew up watching were retired. Maybe I had other things on my mind. It might be I had not understood the fact, every thing old can be new again.

In 1995, the All-Star Game was a "coming home" party for Mike Piazza. He returned home an All-Star after being drafted in the 62nd round of the 1988 draft. I was very familiar with most of the players in the game. I was wounded by the 1994 strike..... I never fully recovered. The strike was the nail.... the steroid use was the hammer a few years later. As a youth.... baseball was my mistress, just ask my 1st and 2nd loves. Jeff Conine was the MVP of the Game. He was my type of player.... gritty, team first, humble. He started his career in 1990, finished up in 2007. Nowhere near a Hall of Fame career.... but had he started playing 5-10 years before.... I would have collected his cards.

The 1985 All-Star Game was view at my grandmother's house. When I was at grandma's house for more than one overnight stay.... that meant mom and pop were "at it again, pretty bad." Grandma did not have cable, she rarely watched the tele, being born in 1920. I was not able to watch the Atlanta Braves on the tele but.... did on the radio. Grandma would listen to a few games as well. At this time.... I knew every single player who participated in the Game, what team they were on, their batting average, homers, RBIs, wins-losses, etc. If I studied math like I did baseball at this time, MIT was in my future. 

Rose should forfeit his 15 year eligibility (wait.... it's ten now) and go straight to the Veteran's Committee. Let them vote him in or out. Summer nights... before UG, WC, 2nd love, 1st love.... even Angie, were spent watching any form of baseball I could find. Sorting through packs I bought the previous few days before. It was a time of innocence.... never to be felt "fully" again. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuNAqnQGhMU Slaughter-Days Gone By


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## Ceegee

Baseball...blah, blah, blah. 

It's a crime what they've done to Pete Rose. 

I have Sandy Koufax's autograph. He was a pitching coach for our AAA team. Nice guy. 

Spurs won the offseason.


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## Chuck71

Growing up.... everyone wanted to play the game the way Rose did. If a teammate or coach said you're playing like Rose... it was the highest compliment. But how ironic is it, anything Rose has admitted to it is only after he was proven guilty? Rose reminds me of a cheating spouse from TAM who only admits to what they were caught doing.

Who knows how Rose would have been accepted by MLB had he admitted his misdeeds in the beginning? I saw him as a hero but how many times does it take for me to get torched by his lies before I realize, he cried wolf too many times? Below is a portion of an article I wrote back in February 2004, be happy to send you the link to the full article in back chat.

The Spurs scored a huge victory in the free agent market. I'd love to see Duncan get six like Jordan did. Kobe never got the sixth but Duncan has much more class than he did. To my last breath.... the Spurs should have won in 2013. Game six.... well, there were many questionable calls.

Koufax was one of pop's heroes back in the 60s. He didn't have many cards made when he was active, Topps made cards of him from 1955-67. His main Topps cards in NM or better condition command a hefty price. One of my most cherished memories when I opened up the 1965 Topps set I had just purchased was seeing a Koufax card. 


**************
I would also like to apologize to the readers for my bellowing of Pete Rose being reinstated and elected to the Hall of Fame. Pete showed his classless self by coming out with his new book (yes, the old one had a "few" holes in it) the same day as the two 2004 Hall of Fame inductees were announced.

Rose admitted to betting, betting on baseball, betting on his own team to win. No surprise there. When he stated that he did not begin betting until after he retired as a player, never placed bets from clubhouse, and never bet on his own team to lose, I couldn't buy it.

When his own ex-teammates question his honesty, what does that tell you? If we reinstate Rose, why not "Shoeless" Joe Jackson? I strongly feel that Rose wants in the Hall of Fame and wishes to manage once again. He may get reinstated but I think it would be a cold day in Hades if he were ever allowed to manage a team again.

Reinstate Pete but wait until his eligibility is up and must be voted in by the Veterans Committee. Let Rose be judged by his very own peers he faced in the 1960's, 70's and 80's. Some current Hall of Fame members vow never to return to Cooperstown if Rose is elected in the Hall. The worst thing to happen to Rose is to be reinstated and not be elected. Until he can be reinstated, he will always be right across the street signing balls and bats and proclaiming his innocence.

Rose knows good and well he is looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. The best-case scenario is to be reinstated, elected to Hall, and manage the Reds. Worst case, to remain banned from baseball for life. What Rose doesn't realize is that he may be reinstated and still shut out of Hall. I'm looking for Rod Sterling to walk out with a cigarette and begin to narrate all this as a Twilight Zone episode.

Just as Steve Howe is a poster boy for a once promising career cut way short due to drug abuse, Pete Rose should be a poster boy for thinking that he is above the game. If Rose is never elected to the Hall, he should have a corner set aside for him where his accomplishments are acknowledged but with a footnote of why he was never enshrined.

Pete, you were a true gamer, you just weren't bigger than the game.


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## Chuck71

Moments in Time

As a child, I would become excited as a boilermaker at quitting time, when my birthday came. I'm sure mom did too but just not as much as me. Time passes and birthdays do not mean as much anymore. Out of nowhere... mom professes they do. In the famous words of pop, "That's a damn female for ya." 

I had been worried about mom's health issues of late. A lot more than I let on. Since pop died, I had to take over his place as "looking after her." She raised me (that alone gets her a pass to St. Peter) and I return the favor. Isn't that the way it should be? Mom had some serious swelling and her breathing was very stressed. I had a general idea where it came from.... medication. Her doctor gave her a fluid pill. Within 48 hours, she lost 12 pounds. Doctor said losing a gallon of fluid helps you lose eight pounds. That made her day, week, month. "You're about as happy as a duck on a june bug. Why don't you grab you a two piece, head to the Florida beaches and bring home a rich stepdad." Egh.... it did get a laugh out of her.

"Chuck.... xxx (ex aunt) tried to call and wish you a happy birthday. She has your name in the running on a radio station for a cake for your birthday." Mom already knows I do not answer her calls to my house, 99% are when mom is here to visit. "Mom what she did was not over a spilled secret that you already knew in December, this goes back twenty years. If a stranger did what she did, that would be expected. If a friend did, maybe one day I can forgive him / her. But family... oh hell no, family is held to a higher standard. Your other two sisters would have never done that and if it was you and your sister's son, would you have done what she did..... hell no. Any further mention of her in regards to talking, dismiss it. If you want to tell me how she is doing with cancer, I will listen, that is for you, not her." Pop spent 14 years not talking to his sister. Mom hasn't spoken to pop's family since around six months after he died. Guess it runs in the family.....

Dating life update.... while on OLD sites, I have noticed a pattern. Women 38 and up are very quick to give out their number. We meet OL, exchange emails (at first I would do this for about a week, then go to phone chat.... now if the exchange is solid, I wait about three days) and phone. Communicating with females has never been a problem for me. My first phone chat usually takes up a couple hours. This is where it gets a bit odd. Most of these women have children, and are very receptive to more IF they meet the right person. "I enjoyed chatting with you. I learned a lot about you.  Would you care if I called you in a few days to continue this?" They're okay with it.... yet when I call they're upset I did not call them the next day. Seriously? Did I say I would? I don't think a mom cares to spend an hour or two on the phone night after night talking to some guy she has never met. FFS..... I do have a life, I have obligations, etc. 

Granted..... if I hit it off with someone the dynamics change. You date more, you talk more, you open up your time. I'm sorry but I am not going to invest 15 hours a week chatting with someone I have not met. I am not a phone person, if we hit it off..... and have several great dates, shouldn't we be hanging out in some capacity than chatting on the phone like horny teenagers? Yes Chuck is fully aware children are involved, for the majority their kids are teenagers.

One sticking point is I refuse to get a smart phone. Until I see the need for it, why get one. -But....but... everyone has one- yes and a lot of people filed Chapter 13 bankruptcy, does that mean you will follow suit just to fit in? Human interaction comes in three forms, face to face, phone, and email / text. To me the form of communication is devolving. I might have emailed / text WC a couple dozen times over the years. She didn't think much of it either. It is just one extra step to meeting someone. The PsychoGal I met back in November.... she loved to text. It got to the point, every night she misconstrued something I said and it took thirty minutes to explain what was meant. After a few times, I told her I was done texting / emailing on FB.... you want to talk, let's get on the phone.

I make it a point to mention I do not have a smart phone once I see there is a possibility of anything. If we are not on the phone or I am not at my computer, my responses will be delayed. "Chuck you need to get one, everyone has them." They may be very well correct but until what, five years ago, texting with 715 apps were unheard of. If I got by so many years without them...... do I "need" them now? Call me old school, call me a hard arse, but the point is..... if you want to "talk" to me, pick up a phone.... better yet meet me, your place, mine, the lake, coffee shop, construction site, or a shopping mall. -But.... but Chuck I have children- Valid point but didn't you tell me when you met your XH or Xbf it was back before texting was the rule? How did you converse with him then, or find time to meet him? 

On my 18th birthday I was stuck having to close when someone called in. Not a great thing working 9am to 1am but that's the way it goes. 1st love thought I had blew her off to go partying and truth be told, assumed I was with seven stewardesses from Sweden *eyeroll* Of course 1st love was a mile from my work... my car was still there and windows would allow her to see, I was still at work. Anyway.... I stopped by her place after work, her aunt gave me her gifts and stated she was not at home. Hmmmm.... as I was leaving, I saw her peeking out the window. I made sure she saw me throw the gifts in a dumpster. I left and went to a friend's house to.... actually party. 1st love dug the gifts out of the trash and knew where my friends lived. The second place she checked, I was there. She was mad but hurt, y'know...kinda like I was. We talked things out and was dancing to music on the radio in the driveway. Young love...... LOL This song came on the radio and it stuck with me for years. 1st love said that was how she felt about me. Never found it until recently.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QctWu4GF-w


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## SARAHMCD

Chuck
I fought the smartphone purchasing for a very long time. It seemed ridiculous. I have a computer and phone at work, I have both at home. I had a cheapie cell phone for my car - basically for an emergency. Why did I need to pay $80+ extra dollars a month for a smart phone? Then I started dating. Bought one and now I'm hooked. Not that I text A LOT. Its hard to go back once you get used to the convenience of being able to play Candy Crush while sitting in a doctors waiting room :smile2:

As for OLD, I am not a big phone person at all. We introverts don't tend to like them very much. So for me, it would be a few email exchanges, perhaps one call to just make sure they're real and don't have huge red crazy flags, and see if there's some chemistry, then I would expect the guy to ask me on a date (or a meetup for coffee). If one date led to another I would expect to conduct most conversation via text - meaning enough to thank them for the first date and set up the next. As you said, I have a life (I don't even have kids though) and don't want to spend hours on the phone. I'd rather talk in person. And I'm not going to spend more than 60 minutes on phone calls with someone I haven't even met yet! BTW I'm 47. I also don't get when I hear people exchanging 50-100 texts a day. Who has time for that??? I mean, sure, in the beginning, a few texts a day to touch base, let the person know you're thinking of them, perhaps some flirting. But more than 5? That would drive me crazy.


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## Chuck71

Thank you, nice to hear a voice of similarity about smart phones. I still see no reason to purchase one. I have been told by a few females they will not date a guy without one. Oh the hell you say.... take care! IF I was getting serious with a female and she detailed multiple reasons why I should try one.... I probably would. But here is my take.... the $1k spent on services for one in a year could very well go for a week's vacation (off-season) at a nice resort. What memory would I want.... cussing the phone because I don't know WTF just happened or sitting on a balcony at 3AM watching the waves crash in talking about the dreams we still have? I bet you already know the answer.....

Maybe part of this is due to my upbringing. Both my parents were very sharp in how to spend money wisely. My 1st love would often call me "stingy" yet anytime she got her hands on any money she would "spend it out both drawer legs." Both of my parent's parents grew up in the Great Depression. Grandpa would walk six miles to the store.... he did not want to waste gas which might be needed later (grandma was pregnant). I still hold out thoughts a high end hotel on the beach shouldn't be over $100 a night / $700 a week. Yeah.... I'm slowly realizing that myth has vanished. Pop always would say and I still hear it to this day, "Use good judgment." 

With OLD, I prefer the phone to email / text. But I prefer face to face against phone. Being a guy, I understand females have many more safety issues than I would. If a female is still skeptical when I ask for phone chat, I state here is my number, it is a landline, call me but block your number. If I have nothing to hide, what's the big deal? Only once did a female call first blocking her number. I don't mind phone chats but that is to a certain point. Within a week I expect a meet and greet..... I try to have several hours open just in case we connect and talk for more than the 30-60 minutes allotted. If there is a connection, I don't mind chatting on the phone more. Once a connection is reached and we at least see things going a few months..... WTF... drop the phone and face to face. Granted kids may be involved but I touched on that on previous post.

Two things I see which both are disturbing is single moms with teenage kid(s). 1-They try to be their friend more than their parent. This usually leads to ones who love drama. Example-I get a call from a female telling me her son is going to drag race the next door neighbor. My thoughts were.... and you're the parent? Really? I'm a guy, love cars and speed but if my mom knew about this and I was 16, she would either embarrass the hell out of me, yank the car keys, or smack me in the back of the head. Teenagers crave discipline even if they scream to the skies they don't. 2-Moms who have teenage kid(s) and turn drill sergeant, run the home like a prison, expect the kid(s) to act like a mature 40 y/o and have stricter laws than a Middle East country concerning women. Why do they do this..... ill feelings towards her XH. For whatever reason they are D, she is mad as hell at her XH and by schit the kids will know about it. Chuck asks one, "It's not my place but I feel the need to ask, aren't you being a bit harsh on your son?" Her...."I be damned if he ends up like his father." I never said anything else but in the back of my mind...... honey you are pouring gasoline on your son, when he has had enough, he will strike a match.


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## zillard

Well I can't top your tow truck driver story, as that was just too excellent, but had an interesting one. 

While eating dinner this woman is asking all the normal dating questions. Compliment after compliment. She's super excited to get together again. Wants me to take her hiking, go to coffee, go to dinner again, go camping "ooo an overnight would be fun!" 

And then the bomb. "Oh yeah, I'm married". 

You're Jerkin my chain, right? 

"I thought you knew." And then on she went about how it didn't have to change anything, didn't need to be awkward, etc. Until she decided she had to get home to her husband, who doesn't like her going out to dinner. 

Hmm. I wonder why. Smh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

OUCH....... damn! You will see a lot of this with females on OLD. They state they are divorced.....ok. This is why I much prefer a phone chat ASAP. To direct questions in a certain manner where the female has to answer them on the spot.

-We're Catholic, he doesn't believe in D but we're seeing other people. Yet you stated D. Oh.... he and I do our own thing. I reply.... let me guess you still live under the same roof as him. She said yes. I get up to go to the bathroom and walk out of the restaurant. No reply to emails or calls.

-Oh.... we are not D yet. We have been separated three years but he won't sign the papers (or he won't pay for it). But..... Tonya you stated in the profile you were D. Well Chuck we might as well be. Tonya if I had separated in my profile would you have emailed me? No. Tonya if I had not told you I was yet not D in emails, phone chats, but waited until we met.... would you date me? No. Thank you very much Tonya.... have a wonderful life.

It's not heard too often but every now and then you hear on the news a guy wielding a pistol walks in on his wife having dinner with another man. Thing is..... wife never told the guy, she was married. For the sake of argument..... what if the jealous husband came in and shot the guy. Y'know.... the guy who thought he was seeing a divorced female, who loved children. Now the guy is dead and who will raise his three children left behind.

Accountability
Responsibility
Respect
Honesty

If a female can't give these.... walk on.... as Boston sang in 1994

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPivUJj8STI


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## zillard

Right. Amazing, isn't it. When pressed, this one admitted they aren't even in the middle of a D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

zillard said:


> Right. Amazing, isn't it. When pressed, this one admitted they aren't even in the middle of a D.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Want the tow truck gal's #? Poor girl has more issues than the New York Times.

Conrad and Mavish would have to tag team her


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## Chuck71

Mom was referred to a cardiologist. The Dr. seemed to know how to plan an attack on mom's ailment. Her heart is at 35%. I mentioned to mom with the Dr. present, my MiL was at 17% right before she died. Mom's brother who died last year was at 15% a few weeks before he died. Mom lied about how much she smoked.... said a pack a day. Told Dr. she goes through a carton in five days, you do the math. Dr. wants to put her on one med at a time so if anything goes awry, Dr. knows what happened. Dr. said she wasn't going to harp on her smoking just yet, but she will soon. Mom asked me if she quit, would I? "Mom if you quit, bet the farm I will with you. I'll even drop any form of alcohol for a year." Those Pittsburgh Steelers games, my weekly reflection and NYE would be the hardest for me but.... 

Mom has some anger issues and they have been present for years. She and I would get into it often the year after pop died. Granted.... we could have a cuss fight Tuesday and her ask me to take her to eat the next day. The cuss fight wasn't even brought up nor remembered. A few years after WC and I were married, mom hit a stretch where she could not even stand to be around herself. I learned to not engage with her, she just wanted to argue about what ever. She was placed on Prozac and it helped her tremendously. Yet still to this day, she will have an attitude..... in her eyes I am the only person she can actually anger dump on. To a certain point, I just ignore it, then if it continues, I make her own it. "If this is how you want to conduct yourself today, you can walk out the door you came in." I leave the room immediately. She does not like eating her own schit sandwich but she made it, dressed it and placed it on the table, I guess hoping I would chomp at it.

I look forward to her coming out but if she has an attitude, bye bye. She has gotten better at respecting my boundaries over the last five years. I thought years ago, maybe I'm just an old hard arse with mom. Mavish posted on ReGroup's famous thread and touched on relationships with immediate family. I was glad to know, I was not alone. Even after everything I dealt with, with pop and my "growing up" years... when mom asked should she place him in a nursing home, I said he!! no. He would want to die at home and that he shall. I refused to stop by his bedside the morning he died.... he had started the death rattles. Yes we had deep deep animosity but I was not going to let him die in a strange bed, strange place. Looking a bit into the future.... I do see a point to where mom can no longer drive nor live 100% independent. I already know what will happen and..... it has to be done. 

Years ago, two-three generations ago... there were no nursing homes. The old raised the young and the young looked after the old in their later years. It's not rocket science. I can imagine the transition period being tense. If my timing is what it usually is.... whenever that day comes, I will have a live-in and be at about the point where we may consider kids, maybe M. Let me guess.... her and mom would clash.... how lovely!!! 


I still chat every now and then with 1st love. Shouldn't be a shock to frequent readers of this blog. 1st love wanted to stop by on her way to work one afternoon. I told her, do so if you have time. Mom happened to be here and they saw each other for the first time in 25 years. They talked as if they hadn't seen each other in maybe a year. While they were talking, 1st love kept looking over at me. She told me later she felt the same thing she did when we were dating and we stopped by mom n pop's. After she left, mom told me (which I already knew), 1st love had the best personality of any girl you ever brought home to meet me.

1st love still apologizes about not being able to come over the night UG pulled the surprise move on me with her family posse. TBH..... it's probably best 1st love couldn't. She would have wiped the floor with UG verbally and if needed, physically. It would have been similar to me walking into the ring with Mike Tyson at his best. It wouldn't have made it past the first round. Since Sunday allowed me to view Pittsburgh for the first time this year..... that meant homemade chili. First time I had made it since March. Another female was an overnight guest Sunday evening. The next evening 1st love was to be over.... to try out my chili for the first time. I'm not dancing with the devil, just window gazing.


I am referring, in this paragraph, to post #381, the Hardee's girl. We recently connected on FB. Had a nice long chat. She reminded me of how she used to call me "bubble butt" which I still don't understand the meaning behind. She is M, almost twenty years. She let it slip her M is rocky. Recommended she sit him down and spell out what is bothering you, seek MC. -He's not the type to go- Well... if he thinks anything of you he should. AL was telling me how her "mother hen friend" warned her about seeing me. 'I drove a sports car, smoked, drank, tank top n shorts, dark tan, devastating blue eyes (AL's friend's words)' but AL said it drew her to me. Thank goodness she didn't see me blush like a Coke can. We agreed to keep in touch, she even offered a great word of advice on TNTSS2. Definite re-connect, definitely no re-capture. I wished her the very best in working on her M and recommended TAM. 


Writing this at the lake with no net connection. A friend gave me a CD of a singer from the 1990's....... Joshua Kadison. I mentioned him awhile back in my reflection with my late MiL. He has a song that pre-dates me but.... had I lived then, yeah.... it would've been me. Cherry Bowl Drive-In

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5GxFg9GLog


----------



## hope4family

Danced with a young lady two weeks ago. I have known her for a while. She said her BF was out of town, moved to Cali. Opposite side of the country for those of you that want a geographical picture. 

Rather then let her know that the relationship is all but over on it's official countdown. I told her of a story, not my first love, but perhaps the one that got away. The one where when the door shut, it was shut, forever. The point was, as hard as divorce is. It was quicker to get over, then "the young love".

To see her eyes light up with assurance. Was an interesting experience. She will make it through I feel regardless of the cost. When love becomes a choice, it will probably then fail.

A few moments before that, I spoke with my friend (Richy Rich i'll call him.) A brilliant young man, who struggles with a stressful job and depression. (Sound familiar haha.) Girl just up and left him, and it hurt his ego something fierce. Something that already wasn't great. 

As I walk through life with these people, it is interesting the parts of them we share. With Richy rich, I basically have given him advice on how to work with depression at the same time. Oddly enough he said his counselor never gave him that kind of advice even though he asked.

Last night, I read another line I hear oh so often. From woman #1 last week. "You just need a little more work and then your perfect." 

Ah the struggle of perfection. To bad, it's unrealistic.

Best wishes to your Mom. I empathize with your situation. She will be in my prayers.


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## Chuck71

Thank you for the prayers H4F. Mom is just..... mom. I could have been given a lot worse mom. I told her maybe.... four or five years ago, "You did the very best you could with what you had." She didn't understand it. It simply meant.... had her and pop had millions of dollars, sure I would have attended better schools. Sure I would have been exposed to many more things. But every traumatic time I faced (minus one) pre-1989, one or both were there. In the end.... that is what matters. It's not the money, prep schools, material things..... when I fell, one or both were there. Something akin to what I stress.... leave it all on the field. If you know in your heart you gave 110%, do not ever hold your head down to any one.

The minus one... well my actions made it pretty hard for them to help. While in high school.... I ran away from home. In those days you grabbed a bus ticket and that was that. I wasn't gone long.... but I carried with me enough hate and rage to fill old Veterans Stadium. I hated myself.... hated God.... claimed I did not believe. Funny thing.... you have to acknowledge something if you intend to hate it. Bear in mind... I was a teen. At this time I was a very shy person.... I was hungry but where the "runaways" all hung out at and slept... any food was shared within microgroups. All I saw were people much worse off physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually than me. I did not ask for my share of food.

It was recently after I trained myself not to eat. Any one who has fasted for at least a week, know what I am talking about when I say, after the third day, it's not bad. After day 6-7 you feel a renewed sense of self. Around day 10 you start getting sores around your mouth.... it is where the body is riding itself of toxins. After Day 17... I ate. A friend who "sold herself for money" met someone who wanted sex but didn't want to pay. He strangled her. I ate, called home a couple days later. Bad move... yeah but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. When I left home I had enough hate inside me..... not even Queen Lizard would have had a chance in an anger competition. My demons were left in that city... just off of I-75. Just as well.... being the botched surgery was just around the corner. Whole different story there.

H4F.... you are always going to love certain things about your XW. Every one does.... I do. He!! I even started a book on it. People who claim they hate every single thing about their XW / XH are fooling themselves. There had to be something there at one time or another. If I asked you to list the Top 10 things about your M, you would do it and smile when you did. Top 10 worst things... you would scribe them but with a touch of somber, maybe a few tears. Remember the term, "you marry her / him, you marry the family," same goes for the angel / psychotic you M. Even cold blooded psychopaths have moments of clarity.... term it for what it is, momentary. 

I could rationalize multiple reasons to return to my 1st love, 2nd love, 1996 girl (never posted her story), a '97 girl (did post it) or even UG (yet to post meeting). But when the book is closed, it is closed for a reason. Okay... Chuck WTF do you still chat / date your 1st and 2nd love? Remember that toy box you had as a kid..... the memories.... it's great to pull it out every now and then but it would not be healthy to completely return to the toy box. Time moved on.... things change..... people change. Everything..... changes.

Gotta thank you H4F..... I hadn't thought much about my "excursion" in a long time. Got me thinking of that girl... she was very ballsy, sassy, full of confidence. Yet was still a scared child.... she liked country music, old country... which I did then and still do. Couldn't help but pull up her favorite.... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgvqaluhIhg


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## hope4family

When we talk about love. I have found that I am usually attracted to women who love music more so then anything else. Nothing epitomizes this as much as ex-w. Perhaps that reminds me of my young love. A woman who had to walk away from her passion only to find a new one in graphic art design. That girl, (old love) had it all, looks, voice, body, smile, personality, humor, similar interests. One day ex-w found a photo of us that I kept in my "memories box". She didn't speak to me for a while, because how could I settle for her, when I could have gotten THAT. I think she realized at that point that all that "talk" I said about being able to be with attractive women even though current me was overweight, riddled with injury and struggling with what doctors were trying to find out before it killed me. Gave a lot of evidence to the contrary. 

Even old love, how we got together. I have to admit, I met her through my then current on and off again girlfriend. When I first met old love I told my current gf that she will regret this. Before too long we fell for each other. My GF at the time, ironically was on the "off again" phase. She would want to be together one week, and never the next. (We will call the girl before old love "original love"). Original love, well, she said that the reason why I went after old love was because of how much in common they were. 

Only old love, was nothing like her at all. Old love, when we split, that was it. We have both reached out to each other once, but we for the most part kept it that way. We know where each other is and I will remain content in that.

So yeah, I think you are spot on. I didn't marry on accident either. Ex wasn't an inferior woman in any way. If anything she got dealt a bad hand, she had to deal with the triggers in my past in a family setting. Must have sucked. Doesn't excuse individual actions of her though. 

Thanks for sharing your story btw, pretty cool. I wish my memories could be as vivid and colorful. Sadly, the ones that are colorful. Bbbrrr, makes me feel cold.


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## just got it 55

HFH I have often been amazed by Chucks recollection of his past.

Somewhere back in this thread I asked him if he kept a journal for reference

NO ... He just remembers it.

He fancies himself as a ordinary man

Clearly he is not

Interesting to say the least.

55


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## Chuck71

hope4family said:


> When we talk about love. I have found that I am usually attracted to women who love music more so then anything else. Nothing epitomizes this as much as ex-w. Perhaps that reminds me of my young love. A woman who had to walk away from her passion only to find a new one in graphic art design. That girl, (old love) had it all, looks, voice, body, smile, personality, humor, similar interests. One day ex-w found a photo of us that I kept in my "memories box". She didn't speak to me for a while, because how could I settle for her, when I could have gotten THAT. I think she realized at that point that all that "talk" I said about being able to be with attractive women even though current me was overweight, riddled with injury and struggling with what doctors were trying to find out before it killed me. Gave a lot of evidence to the contrary.
> 
> Even old love, how we got together. I have to admit, I met her through my then current on and off again girlfriend. When I first met old love I told my current gf that she will regret this. Before too long we fell for each other. My GF at the time, ironically was on the "off again" phase. She would want to be together one week, and never the next. (We will call the girl before old love "original love"). Original love, well, she said that the reason why I went after old love was because of how much in common they were.
> 
> Only old love, was nothing like her at all. Old love, when we split, that was it. We have both reached out to each other once, but we for the most part kept it that way. We know where each other is and I will remain content in that.
> 
> So yeah, I think you are spot on. I didn't marry on accident either. Ex wasn't an inferior woman in any way. If anything she got dealt a bad hand, she had to deal with the triggers in my past in a family setting. Must have sucked. Doesn't excuse individual actions of her though.
> 
> Thanks for sharing your story btw, pretty cool. I wish my memories could be as vivid and colorful. Sadly, the ones that are colorful. Bbbrrr, makes me feel cold.


How DARE you date ANY ONE before your XW / entitled princess. Danm you!

Her insecurities were HER problem, NOT yours but guess who ended up having to apologize.....

YOU dated a woman not only before her BUT was prettier and classier than her... you basturd!!! 

My 1st and 2nd love.... I went 23 and 18 years without getting intimate with each

1st love made it 110% clear she wanted me back..... 2nd love was a bit more stubborn

Had I wanted 1st love, I would have pursued her after D from WC...... I never took the bait

Had I wanted 2nd love..... I would have called her back in late '96......

I chose UG, don't regret it one minute.

My 1st love was dealt one of the worst hands possible and even to this day.... is in denial.

She could have most men eating out of her hand but.... I know the truth... the scared little child inside her

Just as you now see your XW........ 

1st love to this day hints at wanting to "start anew" but with her upcoming D final, is it me or she wanting a place to

live with her two kids and two grandkids?

I posted a year or so back.... back in '89 1st love wanted me to move in with her and drop out of college.

She was looking more for a room mate and cost provider than to further our relationship.

At first, I didn't see it.... I was 18. Guess who did..... pop. He didn't tell me not to, but

he did say this is what will happen. Choice was mine but, as usual.... pop was spot on


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## hope4family

Chuck71 said:


> How DARE you date ANY ONE before your XW / entitled princess. Danm you!
> 
> Her insecurities were HER problem, NOT yours but guess who ended up having to apologize.....
> 
> YOU dated a woman not only before her BUT was prettier and classier than her... you basturd!!!
> 
> My 1st and 2nd love.... I went 23 and 18 years without getting intimate with each
> 
> 1st love made it 110% clear she wanted me back..... 2nd love was a bit more stubborn
> 
> Had I wanted 1st love, I would have pursued her after D from WC...... I never took the bait
> 
> Had I wanted 2nd love..... I would have called her back in late '96......
> 
> I chose UG, don't regret it one minute.
> 
> My 1st love was dealt one of the worst hands possible and even to this day.... is in denial.
> 
> She could have most men eating out of her hand but.... I know the truth... the scared little child inside her
> 
> Just as you now see your XW........
> 
> 1st love to this day hints at wanting to "start anew" but with her upcoming D final, is it me or she wanting a place to
> 
> live with her two kids and two grandkids?
> 
> I posted a year or so back.... back in '89 1st love wanted me to move in with her and drop out of college.
> 
> She was looking more for a room mate and cost provider than to further our relationship.
> 
> At first, I didn't see it.... I was 18. Guess who did..... pop. He didn't tell me not to, but
> 
> he did say this is what will happen. Choice was mine but, as usual.... pop was spot on


Lol, I don't think I ever apologized for that. It was just one in many obvious passive aggressive moments. How when we first started dating I was the "oogly" one to her friends. To an extent even her. I had other talents that made up for my "oogly" parts. 

It wasn't generally believed. That I had the ability to approach and attract women, until after we were married. In long context, I blame myself for not dating her longer and letting the stories and people from the past sort themselves out. 

Of course, back 5 years ago, I was 40-50lbs heavier. Was just finishing up my 4th set of front teeth, doctors were taking 7-8 vials of blood at at time racing to find out what was wrong, I couldn't run like I do now, I couldn't dance like I do now, everything that was "young and vigorous" about me appeared gone. For the most part it was. 

Unfortunately, I thought that everything about past life could be left behind. Not realizing my triggers would chase me, my own insecurities, my lack of self respect for myself. I wanted ex to be the part that closes a chapter. 

Yes I was naive. The life I thought I was getting vs reality, oh boy, won't do that again. But the truth is reality is now reality, so I kinda understand what I am getting myself into. 

It is kinda awkward. A speculative thought. When my ex wife had her taste of what death feels like. When she came out of it, with commitment, saying she wanted to married. I thought her commitment was firm, in truth it was. But it wasn't forever like I thought was in her personality. I honestly lied to myself and said that maybe she came to the same conclusion as my experiences. That it will shape how she views things. 

But now, I am what I am. Am I the ladies man? Um, maybe its a talent I have that I just don't use. But I know she finds photos of me with women, and I think it does bother her. But to me, it means nothing. 

A big challenge I have with women, is that well. Currently I do not "feel" what is called chemistry. We will see I guess. As my female roomie once said. "I think your standards are too high." My highest standard is "do they have a pulse?" 

Maybe one day I will revert into story telling h4f. But it's nice to remiss and summarize life events.


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## Chuck71

I've probably told all my stories by now, except for a few. In between 1st and 2nd love, the break-ups and trying again and when I met WC..... I dated around quite a bit. Granted I was single and placed myself in situations only single people would. When I started a LTR with WC.... I stopped placing myself in those positions. 

Ironic though.... when you are M, you are hit on more than when you are single. Was I flattered, yes but I not only thought enough of WC to not take the women up on their advances.... I thought enough of myself. 

There is a fine line between settling and setting your expectations too high. At my age.... everyone has baggage and an overwhelming majority are broken to some degree. They have children, grandchildren, long term M up in smoke, etc.... If I'm not mistaken you are about ten years younger than me. You have a greater chance of finding someone and starting a new chapter. Never know.... you may end up with three-four more kids.

Me.... early 40s, no kids, no psycho XW trying to control me through the kids, but.... would love to have children. Always preferred older women.... but I can't go there anymore if I desire offspring. Trust me.... if I had four kids, a BSC XW..... I would meet the perfect incarnation of Raquel Welch circa 1969, come from a stable, loving family and want five kids of her own.

Never heard oogly before..... I'm sure if you ran into my mom she would say "yous as purty as punkin pi" lol only in the South....


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## Chuck71

Rough day...... rough day. I did find solace in discovering what memes were. This was my thoughts right after DDay 2012.....


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## Ceegee

I always feel like I should have a beer in my hand, and perhaps a fishing pole or sitting around a campfire, while reading this thread. 

Sorry to hear about mom Chuck.


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## Chuck71

Thanks CG, 55, H4F. It's funny how you can go a month or two and really have nothing to post about, and out of the blue you have them coming at you right and left. The most pressing issue currently is mom. Saturday she and I spoke on the phone. She was aware I was expecting "company." Later that evening, she calls her sister because she feels tightness in her chest and her throat seems to be closing up. Mom said she wouldn't call me because I was entertaining a female..... yes I hit the roof. Mom had a heart attack later that evening in ICU. When I heard why she wouldn't call me, I about fvcking had one myself. I made sure to explain to her calmly... if you are scared and hurting, you better damn call me. "There may never be a next time.... but if there is, bet the farm you will catch he!! from me." Few words.... long stare.... -Trust me I wanted to scream but..... wasn't the time, place, and would it have done any good?-

I have multitudes to say about my ex aunt. It's funny what she will say in front of mom and on the phone with me after.... her medication kicked in. Let's just say I listened for two hours.... and captured EVERY fvcking word. My job is to profile people, she walked right in. After sitting in the waiting room all day today for ten hours while mom had "triple by-pass," this chat later on was enjoyable. Mom came through great for her age..... she should be awake tomorrow. 

No more smoking, no drinking Coke, eat right, exercise.... same schit I kept telling her. She will have to stay with me 24 / 7 for a few weeks after release. I may lose my position but, I will not sling her into a "treatment facility," yes let's call it what it is. Eating right.... I will not waver with her, case closed...Cokes... I will bend a bit. But smoking.... I will not deprive her of this. If that is what she wants, it is not up to me to take it away. I hope she quits..... I told her, if you do, so will I. Even if she starts back, I will still quit. I saw what I needed..... 

I will not bring up anything until mom is better...... but my ex aunt will be revealed. If mom's family doesn't like it.... ask me to GAF. Truth told.... if mom don't like it.... hate it for ya. I mentioned before, after mom, I have no family..... Premonition?


----------



## Tron

I understand your mom just went in for a bypass. 

Prayers for you both and wishing her a get well soon.


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck Glad your mom made it through

Fvck your job I did the same thing I had to leave a job cause my Mom was going to Radiation Treatments in a taxi

I could't have that and live with my self

Jobs come and go only one Mom though

I hope for the best long term recovery

55


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## farsidejunky

I'll echo it, brother. 

Glad your mom is okay.


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## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> Thanks CG, 55, H4F. It's funny how you can go a month or two and really have nothing to post about, and out of the blue you have them coming at you right and left. The most pressing issue currently is mom. Saturday she and I spoke on the phone. She was aware I was expecting "company." Later that evening, she calls her sister because she feels tightness in her chest and her throat seems to be closing up. Mom said she wouldn't call me because I was entertaining a female..... yes I hit the roof. Mom had a heart attack later that evening in ICU. When I heard why she wouldn't call me, I about fvcking had one myself. I made sure to explain to her calmly... if you are scared and hurting, you better damn call me. "There may never be a next time.... but if there is, bet the farm you will catch he!! from me." Few words.... long stare.... -Trust me I wanted to scream but..... wasn't the time, place, and would it have done any good?-
> 
> 
> 
> I have multitudes to say about my ex aunt. It's funny what she will say in front of mom and on the phone with me after.... her medication kicked in. Let's just say I listened for two hours.... and captured EVERY fvcking word. My job is to profile people, she walked right in. After sitting in the waiting room all day today for ten hours while mom had "triple by-pass," this chat later on was enjoyable. Mom came through great for her age..... she should be awake tomorrow.
> 
> 
> 
> No more smoking, no drinking Coke, eat right, exercise.... same schit I kept telling her. She will have to stay with me 24 / 7 for a few weeks after release. I may lose my position but, I will not sling her into a "treatment facility," yes let's call it what it is. Eating right.... I will not waver with her, case closed...Cokes... I will bend a bit. But smoking.... I will not deprive her of this. If that is what she wants, it is not up to me to take it away. I hope she quits..... I told her, if you do, so will I. Even if she starts back, I will still quit. I saw what I needed.....
> 
> 
> 
> I will not bring up anything until mom is better...... but my ex aunt will be revealed. If mom's family doesn't like it.... ask me to GAF. Truth told.... if mom don't like it.... hate it for ya. I mentioned before, after mom, I have no family..... Premonition?



I'm no doctor but I think quitting smoking is more of a priority than Cokes and eating right. 

You're a friend so let me ask you something. 

You told her if she quit so would you. 

Are you going easy on her with the smoking so you don't have to quit either?


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## Chuck71

CG...... as in the post from last night.... I have to quit. Whether she does or not. I will lead by example.... that is what a man does.... right? Seeing her cut open..... no..... it has to be.

I wake up at 5AM on work days..... I don't even want to smell a cigarette for several hours, much less light one. WC would wake me up in the AM with one in her hand and it gagged me. I used to detest smoking as a kid, would bytch enough where they would have to get out of the car and smoke. When pop found out I smoked as a teen, I swear he wanted to beat my arse senseless LOL!

The time has come..... no "I will when...." Smoking is harder to quit than anything but heroin. I used to have a running joke about heroin.... the first time you try it, it is beyond legend..... heard this from way too many people who became addicts. I always said, I'd try it just to say, I can do it once and not get hooked. 

Okay.... Mr. Chuckey B Bad Arse.... skip the dragon and stop the cancer sticks. Are you up for it? You can be a chicken **** and light up again, if you choose to, most would. But take yourself back...... 

1988..... the surgery. You will never walk again, mind of 10 / 12 y/o, stay with parents until they are too old to care for you. Then you are to be put in a "treatment facility." I had enough hate from that alone to take over He!! and make the devil give perms and up do's on the weekends.

But Chuck.... that was nearly 30 years ago...... can you still pull from it? Up until mom's heart attack.... I still did, daily. Uncontrolled rage vs. controlled rage.... I think I spoke on it on StayStrong's thread a couple years ago.

I can fall, I will fall, I am expected to, every one does. But the point of what I saw.... kicking the smoking..... I am not allowed to lose. When I lead and quit, maybe mom will. When I have a drink.... guess what I do more of? Yeah.... double elimination. Up for the double whammy Chucky? 

Guys.... chime in here... when your pop died.... you step into his role with your mom. Checking her car, helping mow, minor handy man things your pop would do. Gals.... chime in here.... when your mom died, you stepped in with things your mom always did.... some cooking, helping him with W/D clothes, helping with keeping the house "pretty." Gender specific..... yeah..... but that is how people my age and older were raised.

Losing mom would bother me a lot more..... I have no role to step into and I have no clue how to do her role. It is.... what it is.

Well..... what does Chuck want out of this? I want mom to be around long enough to see her grandchild(ren). I want them to know who she is..... Two of my grandparents died before I knew how to poop.... one when I was in 1st grade. The last.... when I was in high school. I want more out of my child's grandparents......

Thank you for asking this CG...... you aim for the core. That's what friends do. You could have sugar coated it but you did not. I appreciate this more than you know.

I will speak upon my ex aunt later..... it will be "moving" Maybe when mom gets to her own room....


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## Tron

Dad never smoked, but mom smoked from age 16 to her early 40's. She quit and by all accounts is healthy and God willing will live to her 90's like her parents. 

It can be done Chuck. Give it a go. 

Just watch out for the weight gain...lot of folks exchange the cigarettes for food.


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## Pluto2

Oh Chuck, STOP SMOKING

I never smoked. But both my parents, by former inlaws and my ex all smoked like chimneys, and they all suffered for it. My mom had COPD, Dad had emphasyma, ex FIL had lung cancer, and ex MIL had heart failure.

My ex smoked two packs a day, I wouldn't let him smoke in the house because I couldn't stand to be around it. He had a massive heart attack at the age of 47. FYI, his blood pressure was 115/70 and his weight was normal. It was all smoking. He was on a heart pump for three days and ended up with triple bypass. At the time, I told him if I ever found out he smoked again I would throw him out. He quit smoking for five years, but started up again after the divorce. 

My MIL also had bypass, but no heart attack. She quit smoking for about a month after the procedure, then started up again. She used to say the MD never told her she had to quit, so she wasn't going to.

Yes quitting is horrible. Although the pain meds from the surgery should make the early withdrawals more bearable for her. If you are anxious about quitting, I know my BIL went on wellbutrin to help him quit.

Exercise if far more important than the diet for her recovery. Let her have a coke. She' got to work that muscle back.

It is a hard recovery but she can do it. And so can you.


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## ButtPunch

The nicotine patch worked for me many moons ago. I don't think
I could have quit cold turkey.


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## Chuck71

Tron said:


> Dad never smoked, but mom smoked from age 16 to her early 40's. She quit and by all accounts is healthy and God willing will live to her 90's like her parents.
> 
> It can be done Chuck. Give it a go.
> 
> Just watch out for the weight gain...lot of folks exchange the cigarettes for food.


Tron...... that is my first thought. When I quit in '88 after the surgery, I was still losing weight (the med to keep brain from swelling made you eat like a horse). But when you are a teen you can cut back to three nice meals a day and still drop weight. When you get older..... ain't that easy. Fasting for a week or two isn't that hard for me.... but guess what I do more of when I am not eating.... yeah... smoking.

Ain't no easy way out of this quagmire. I stated earlier mom.... if she came out every afternoon and cooked, I would weigh 300 pounds in six months. Now mom has to eat healthy. She also has the onset of diabetes. Window Cork had this as well.... she would go by the sugar diet.... three snakes, three proportioned meals. Since I saw no reason for two separate food bills, I went on it with her several times. I liked it... it takes about three weeks to get used to. When WC went off it.... we would both just go back to eating the way we did before.

This will be what mom needs and, in my case, help me not to blow up like a balloon when I quit. I will need to have the patience of Thorburn to get through this without taking a hatchet to my ex aunt.


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## Chuck71

Pluto2 said:


> Oh Chuck, STOP SMOKING
> 
> I never smoked. But both my parents, by former inlaws and my ex all smoked like chimneys, and they all suffered for it. My mom had COPD, Dad had emphasyma, ex FIL had lung cancer, and ex MIL had heart failure.
> 
> My ex smoked two packs a day, I wouldn't let him smoke in the house because I couldn't stand to be around it. He had a massive heart attack at the age of 47. FYI, his blood pressure was 115/70 and his weight was normal. It was all smoking. He was on a heart pump for three days and ended up with triple bypass. At the time, I told him if I ever found out he smoked again I would throw him out. He quit smoking for five years, but started up again after the divorce.
> 
> My MIL also had bypass, but no heart attack. She quit smoking for about a month after the procedure, then started up again. She used to say the MD never told her she had to quit, so she wasn't going to.
> 
> Yes quitting is horrible. Although the pain meds from the surgery should make the early withdrawals more bearable for her. If you are anxious about quitting, I know my BIL went on wellbutrin to help him quit.
> 
> Exercise if far more important than the diet for her recovery. Let her have a coke. She' got to work that muscle back.
> 
> It is a hard recovery but she can do it. And so can you.


My parents were conned by RJ Reynolds and Phillip Morris. My mom's two older sisters and brother all smoked. All four of my grandparents smoked. They were duped by the tobacco industry. By the time the proof came out on smoking, 1964 or 1965, can't recall off top of head, they were already hooked. Me..... I knew better but did anyway. I have no one to blame but myself. It was "prohibited" for teens to smoke. Guess what teens did......

My parents lead by example more than beat into my head what to do. Mom has the best chance of quitting, if she sees me leading by example. When mom was finally told I was molested (no penetration, just pocket pool), she was beyond livid. At that time, mom was my caretaker and there is no telling what she would have done to him (I know what pop would have done). Now I am her caretaker, you must lead and appear to be 110% certain, whether you are or not. If I sit by.... keep on smoking and encourage her to as well, I just shortened two lives. Leaders save lives, not take them.

I tried Wellbutrin in 2002. I could easily get down to 4-5 a day before the drug. Could never close the door but TBH, never gave it 110%. When I took it.... it altered my brain chemistry. I was not fond of it, being it was when "the clouds parted" in my travels of life, definitely for the good intellectually. 

I am certain mom will need vapor and / or patch. If I can not quit cold turkey, so will I. I want to quit myself, not with pharmaceutical aid. I hope somewhere within myself I can take the hardest road..... in habits and D, we all know it is the best. My favorite excuse was C.S. Lewis. He was a chain smoker and one of the greatest minds of the 20th century. He wrote several masterpieces, Chronicles of Narnia, The Screwtape Letters, Mere Christianity, Divorce of Heaven and Hell (rebuttal to William Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell, 1806) and Abolition of Man..... my 30smoething coming of age novel. Maybe if I left a mark 1% of what he did.... maybe it didn't matter if I died from smoking or not. He never had children. 

Two of my favorites dies on the very same day as JFK. I'm not a huge JFK fan, the other two were, Lewis and Aldus Huxley. Huxley's Doors of Perception (1954) inspired me to read Brave New World (1932) and Island (1962). I walked into Lewis. Huxley.... on a random Wiki search on people born the same day I was (same day only).


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## Chuck71

Wednesday mom was still under the influence of the medication. She was semi-aware of who I was. "Mom... xxx (family nickname and no I won't tell) will be coming to see you today." She was glad...she knew my age (usually she doesn't, go figure) but when I said xxxxx's wife and kids were coming she smiled. Ex aunt came earlier in the day.... she left when I arrived. No tension.

Thursday and Friday.... ex aunt and I switched out days so other could rest. We both caught pure he!!. Mom was combative to the core. She cussed her sister and me. Mom called me a Gdamn MFer, told me to F'off, GTH.... even slipped in a few fat fvcks. No harm.... that isn't mom. I laughed it off. Even told mom it would not be in line with the Bible for us to.....*yknow* and smile a mile wide smile. Her eyes looked around and she went back to "sleep." Had I been 30 years younger and her say that... that would have stung deep. Pop wouldn't have let me in if she were that way.... he would ask her to be KO'd with pain meds and then bring me in... "she's just tired and worn out." All mom wanted to do was go home.... EXACTLY what I said in hospital in '88. 

Ex aunt and I "short stayed" Saturday.... not long either way... mom was finally sleeping (thank you Haldol). She was moved to a room late Sunday. Ex aunt and I agreed to let her sleep until Monday. Monday.... she was mom. I arrived a bit before 6AM. She still wants to go home but is not combative. She asked for a "bear claw and a Coke," meaning.... she back. People were in and out of her room and it clearly annoyed her.... a nutritionist came, talked to her as if mom had a degree in healthy eating. "Mom the sugar diet WC and I were on.... she did it because she had beginning diabetes, same as you. I have the charts at home." I left around 7PM..... she told me to call her when I got home. LOL.... just like old times...

After eating the bear claw and Coke, "I'd actually like to have a smoke." She self-corrected herself and tried to sleep afterwards. Her real test will be when she gets to my place. Part of her wants to stay at her apartment too. We will see..... "If I stay at your house, I can't cook." I almost said -mom you never could anyway in jest but didn't-. If she will abide with the 3 / 3 plan, I know how to do it. "But you only eat so much and you cook alot," umm mom, you know me, I can eat the same three snacks and meals for three days straight. Her last smoke was 8 / 22. Providence.....

"I know I'm a burden upon you." "Yeah mom.... maybe 20% what I was to you, stop the 'poor mouthing.'" Guess she doesn't realize, if I just bought her a carton.... fed her whatever she wanted, or sent her to "treatment facility" to 'get her off my hands,' and she die before -her time- Well I still remember the boy / girl who were leaders the first day of first grade, my first day of kindergarten where I got spanked with a ruler (yes... first day.... are you honestly shocked.... LOL). Not only could I not dismiss her.... but even if I did and it indirectly led to her early death, I would have to live with it until the day I die myself. NFW.... Old raise young, young watch after old. Not complicated at all.

I'm a historian... shocker huh.... the night after surgery and ex aun't's pilled up diatribe.... must have been 2AM. I played the first song mom taught me to sing. Yes I cried like a baby....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zqOU_slcgY


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## Chuck71

April 1987........ I was up late as usual. Looked over my homework and was waiting for everyone to go to bed. I wanted to get in my 'two hours of he!!' workout. I learned later it was not exactly that torturous but only a good old fashion workout. I had trouble sleeping, an upper classmen girl had given me the heave-ho for an older guy. My how things hurt more when you are 15. 

This was not long after my "coming of age" moment when the power went out and I walked the streets with my headphones and black Lab, listening to the Midnight Snack on the radio. I learned early on how to eavesdrop on phone calls. I would pop's because his business was self-employed and not much said about it. I picked up on a call, pop and I answered at the same time, different rooms, and I was floored. It was his XW stating she "was there." I waited to hang up exactly when pop did. He was standing at the kitchen sink staring out into the night. "You okay?".... "I have to go meet somebody. I'll be back soon."

When he left, he took the keys to mom's car. Mom woke when he was leaving. I knew she was upset. "Mom.... I listened to the phone call, it was a woman and he seemed to know where to meet her." When mom learned the keys were gone, I think she knew..... and was blistering pizzed off. "Mom.... I have $15 put back for the baseball card shop but if you need it to call a taxi, you can have it." "I will pay you back tenfold..... thank you (five times)."

Taxi arrived, mom left. Mom went to pop's car lot..... went in.... grabbed keys to a Firebird and took off. A few miles away mom located pop.... in a car with his XW and my half-brother. She pulled up beside him squealing the tires, cussing him. As pop got into his car to leave..... mom was right beside him in the road... trying to sideswipe him. Mom screamed, "You want your Gdamn ho, you can have her. I'm taking xxxxx and we're going to momma's (mom's mom)."

Next day I learned my new address was at grandma's. I never regretted doing it.... not once. Pop never knew "how mom knew" until he was dying. I told him. I did not regret telling him nor exposing him. He had a W and child at home..... which he ignored. Why should he be allowed to chose another?

They got back together that summer. Just in time for me to experience my utmost "coming of age," experience. I was always honest with pop.... just not this time. Maybe his betrayal and mom's hurt imprinted me to never cheat. Be a man and say you will cheat.... then go do it. Mom would still have hated him for it but, would have steadfast a small amount of respect for his honesty.

For the first time, in my eyes, I began to watch after mom. I would deflect their arguments more to he and I. I was still afraid of him but.... not like before. I was Luke in Episode IV.... I would face my father but was scared to death. Fast forward to 1989.... Episode VI..... I was not afraid anymore. I actually looked forward to it. That was when our relationship changed.... for the better. And his and mom's too.

Eagles..... "Some dance to remember, some dance to forget" 

I think mom bought me several boxes of baseball cards while we were at granny's. I had a field day opening them. Time of innocence. Mom kept her word.

Sometimes unlocking your brain can tell some disturbing tales. But it is what made you.... who you are. Had I not saved my lunch money for baseball cards on Saturday....... mom would not have known the truth.

To say that summer was a metamorphosis, would be sacrilegious. The lead ins were so clear but I was too young to see them. While at granny's, I continued my workout, from 305 to 155 pounds. I grew nearly five inches in just over a year. By this time.... 95% was already accomplished. From a fat fvck to a chiseled male model. The most favorite picture taken of me was during my "coming of age" moment. This was pre-1988. Yes there is a song.... it stuck with me while we were at granny's. I knew mom was being mistreated but would go back to him, history said so. But I finally understood both sides of the plate......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB3ImzSKRTI

It's somewhat fitting, even at her age at the time, my current age now, she was maybe one numeral grade higher than the singer of this song. Psychotherapy..... he!! that's my PhD area, but it still amazes you when you open your own. Chuck71 meet Mike Thomas, you have a lot in common.


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## Chuck71

I stand in awe. If this would happen, I would say the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series (Tom67 you listening LOL). Mom has been home four days and yet to light up. After a meal is what scares me with her. I have the pleasure of 24 / 7 ing her from Sunday to Friday. She is cranky and irritable.... so nothing has changed huh? I am making provisions to drop into the rabbit hole. A smoke after sex is a past time.... okay I give up smoking, drinking and now sex..... I am in so much deep schit.

Thankfully the night time gal has long fingernails and does not mind running them on my back (bliss) and my head (can we say light's out?). Eyebrows... I am good as dead. Rome wasn't built in a day.

One step at a time. My XBiL had to quit when he went into federal prison. He quit and he was a 2-3 pack a day guy. He ran down to pick up more things. We spoke on the deck. "I saw a picture of you and sis at the funeral. She looked completely lost." She was..... I was already more a father to her than H. Pop would hold me accountable..... as I did her with erratic spending. Guess who got mad! If I did not love her, I would have walked then. But I couldn't...... although I should have. Hindsight 20 /20.

The day before mom's surgery, I was visiting her in ICU. Her sister was there, my ex aunt. As I was leaving, "I know you hate me! I know you don't like me! But we need to work together for your mom." Never said I hated her, never said I did not like her.... to her face. I just stopped being around her. Oh.... at the time, mom had wires coming out of her, being prepped for surgery the next day. The last thing she needed at that time was stress..... but guess who wanted the spotlight? Her arse would have garnished a great deal of respect if she pulled me out of the room and told me this in the hall. She didn't..... she wanted the attention. All she got was a cold, silent stare.

After this "situation," a doctor came in to discuss the next day's procedures. He asked about contact information and ex aunt said, "Oh you can call me, I will always answer the phone. I even have two cell phones." I could not hold back my grin..... the Dr. looked puzzled, looked at me..... "my numbers are in the chart. Call me any time." You can't make this schit up. Ex aunt reminded me a lot of Queen Lizard from ReGroup's thread. It's a good thing she is not a man or he and I would have had a beer later "behind the hospital."

I cleaned areas of the house today for her arrival. There will be no ash trays visible and 'dum-dum suckers' in every room. Oral fixation... have a dum-dum. I dropped off some Cokes at her place this evening. Ex aunt called and told me mom was running low (there was half a 12-pack in the fridge). I was expected to run by and get her some. Ex aunt informed me they ate at xxxx, xxxx, xxxx, xxxx. I asked.... did you take mom with you since she needs 24 / 7 care? "No... I was only gone a few minutes." LOL.... you can run by every fast food joint in the area all day but you can't pick up a Coke..... did not say that...... well I will at a later time. Ex aunt is 0.5 miles from a large store..... I am around 10 miles from mom. I do NOT mind traveling where ever to get mom what she needs..... but if ex aunt leaves her there to drive thru Arby's, she should stop by the store to get her a fvcking Coke.... the store is 80 yards away from the Arby's. But she calls me...... I will give her this..... I estimate mom would rather have her arse in my responsibility than ummmm... well, ex aunt. Just me thinking out loud.... and laughing a bit. Then just SMFH.

I visited mom this evening. While I was preparing to leave.... "I have to stay with you until when?" with a scared look on her face. Hmmmm..... wonder who has a propaganda spin going? "You aren't going to hurt me while I'm out there are you?" I swear.... readers, I kid you not! There is no telling what ex aunt has told mom. I really don't care.... in the end, it will come out. Patience.......

I am expected to pick mom up tomorrow around noon. Scenarios... "I don't really want to stay out at your place." "Okay mom.... you need to stay with your sister or I will place you in a rehabilitation center while your sister recovers from chemo. You need 24 / 7 care and I will not allow you to be by yourself, choice is yours." Mom is still not 100% coherent..... God only knows WTF her sister has told her. I'm sorry but I am not responsible for what other people say. Mom has three choices, stay with me 24 / 7, stay with her sister 24 / 7, or rehab facility. When her sister goes to chemo Monday and if mom chooses to be there, I will contact her Dr, explain the situation, contact the rehab facility and have her placed there. Of course, I look like the a-hole..... so be it. I'll wear that crown with a smile.

A few thoughts about my ex aunt...... the night of mom's surgery and her sister's "pilled up" diatribe...... "There was this guy I was seeing behind xxxx's back (currently married, her third H and she was 32 when they married.....he worked, was raising her son from H #2 and wanted her to be a SAHM for the child.... no I'm not making this up) and he was a drug dealer. He had a line of white powder on the table and asked me to try it. OMG I was higher than God. Then he took me to a drive-in movie, all I had on was a dress and nothing underneath (yes.... this is my ex AUNT...... after this call, I could not eat for two days). I can't remember what he did but my dress was soaked." Yep...... just keep talking. A friend from TAM once told me after an in-depth description on "back chat" how I handled Window Cork and Urology Gal.... I was cold, unmerciful, calculating..... almost like a sociopath but with a conscience. Maybe they're right...... 

"I told your mom that I thought you had a temper like your dad did. I think you have anger issues." .... "Thank you for sharing and how many years has it been since you have seen me for more than a -hi and bye two minute chat-..... 15-20 years? When is your license renewable?" I guess when you don't take schit from people, you are labeled an angry person.... but by whom??? If mom refuses or decides not to come to my place... everything is fine! "I will head on out. Mom I have been seeing a girl who has a birthday today. Her dad is away visiting a military friend who is on his death bed. She and I will go out for her birthday. I hope you and your sister have an awesome Sunday!" While on the date I will contact who I need to.... to have her transported to the rehab facility from her sister's house..... who left her alone for ? hours when she needed 24 / 7 care. Sometimes you have to give people what they want.... before they taste the schit in their schit sandwich.


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## Chuck71

Sunday transition went almost smooth. Minus the fact mom was a bit upset about leaving her apartment (I'm sure she was chided on by a certain person). I completely understood that but I have a home to run, animals which need to be fed, and I can't see myself staying in a "hotel room" for six days (her apartment is roughly that size). Mom was fine once she got here. I don't see what the big deal is.... as I stated in this blog over two years ago, this was where mom lived from 1988-2005. It was where I lived from 1988-1997. Not like I was taking her to a tin shack with no electricity, nor running water. But more on this in a sec......

I was disappointed in mom today. I was behind the house sneaking a smoke (I did get a small kick out of it being I felt 15 again). I had placed her in the car, turned it over, flipped on the air. When I returned..... there she was..... sitting in passenger seat..... smoking. 8/22 to today, she went further than I thought she could. "Where did you find that pack?" "You always keep a pack in the glove box ICOE or you run off and forget them." Battle lost, war long from over. I expected this... reason I knew she would need patch and / or vapor. She will get the $200-250 a month / $2500-3k a year savings speech tomorrow. But if she wants to.... it is not my place to stop her.

Few tidbits before I focus on my major theme of the post. I received a pleasant opening email from a woman on Match. I always respond, even if I am not interested... just way I see things. She was 64... tad bit too old. I thought about replying in earnest about wanting children... reason being she had a daughter older than I.... LOL We spoke briefly before I visited mom over the weekend. Nice chat... I will talk to anyone if it is cerebral, over coffee, and dutch.

Now....... on to my rant

After picking up mom at her apartment yesterday.... my ex aunt grabbed her things and left. She is a TALKER.... duh .... but she left like you shot her out of a cannon. She called mom's # as soon as she left, "I don't know why you mistreat your mom.... making her go to your house. You uprooted her."..... Look my demented ex aunt, you want the attention, spotlight and control over every single thing mom does. Ain't happening. Got a bit of news for you.... mom isn't well, when she is.... I have all the voice mails saved, every single one. Mom can listen and decide for herself.

Ex aunt.... you wonder why I do not respect you as an adult. You don't act like one. You act as an eight y / o who throws tantrums when no one stops everything they are doing, to listen to you. You get mad at me when I don't do what you do.............. She stayed with mom from Thursday to Sunday morning, well minus the umpteenth times she left mom alone (24 / 7 care means 24 /7 bytch) to run through a fast food drive thru.... she charts everything mom eats, her reaction to it. I don't have to.... I can recall those but.... since I don't, you don't think "I love my mommy." Really?! Seriously??? As for "gerd," stomach / esophageal med..... mom's doctor recommended she not take it twice a day, or even once a day unless she felt needed. Preferably once every other day. Ex aunt tells mom her doctor is crazy and she needs to take it twice a day. -Hey kunt.... you never attended college but you wish to play an MD? GTFOOH...... Gdamn idiot. I may question what a Dr. does but will not supersede their authority without a mountain of proof and another Dr's findings. But no.... your hillbilly arse wants to play Marcusia Welby MD....... you get a fvcking headache deciding whether to run through a drive thru at Wendy's, Arby's, McD's, or Hardee's. 

She claims I neglect mom by not getting a piece of paper for each med and writing down dosage and why she is taking it.... and the face mom makes taking it. F'face... you don't know me anymore but you did know me years ago. You know of me through what mom says.... I have always been noted for having an exceptional memory. I don't need to do the schit you do. Maybe..... I should mention the time you did mom a favor and picked me up in high school early and we were waiting for your son to get out of school and you had a newspaper in your lap and were fingering yourself. I was 15.... I knew..... I also remember you explaining your erratic moans from reading "Hints from Heloise." Seriously???

Or the time you schit in your pants at granny's (her mom) 60th birthday party (1980). I guess that does happen when you are so drunk you can't walk five feet without having to grab onto something. You were around 30 at the time.... not 16.... completely uncalled for. It is clear you are an "eternal victim" and never take responsibility for anything. It would not bewilder me at all for you to purposefully do something to mom (forget to give her meds, give her too many meds, etc) just to get your arse on TV for the attention. If something ever came to this.... I guess I would have to go all-out "Caitlyn Jenner." I would have to get a nice make over, nice outfit, definitely have my nails done. Meet up with mom's sister.... question wouldn't be what I would do, just how many walls I would knock her through. Oh.... I had the nails done for a reason.... take a guess why. Here's a hint.... Freddie Kruger. 

But Chuck.... it can't be THAT bad? It isn't.... her opinion is about as important to me as the bus schedule departures in Male, Maldives. Yet her actions affect my mom, therefore they affect me. I have never started any drama with this attention deprived imbecile..... therefore I refuse to take any schit. Well.... to keep the peace, for mom, I haven't exactly acted as I desired to. The day is nearing. Mom has to be in a better state health-wise. Mom knows most of the back story, minus the BS pulled when she was placed in ICU the first time.

What will you say Chuck? It's impossible to have Queen Lizard, oops... ex aunt STFU long enough to listen. They already know it all, right? It will come in letter form.... in explicit detail. There will be copies sent to the remaining children (five) of her and mom's two deceased older sister's children. I am still up in the air about sending a copy to her (ex aunt) son. He knows how she is.... he and I were close for a number of years. Who else could have told me how much of a domineering parent she was..... and why she was so shocked when her "perfect child" went buck wild after high school?

But Chuck.... maybe you are angry, ill tempered. Do you think she may be right. As to what she says, read above and IDGAF. But you do Chuck... you so do. Okay.... if not starting schit / drama but when it is thrown in my face, I quell it with precision makes me an angry person...... LOL..... Is guess Is is angry.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRR GRRRR GRRR GRR 

2025 Chuck: Son.... Jesus was a very intelligent man.
2025 Chuck Jr: That's what everyone says. Dad... was there one certain thing Jesus did to separate from common man?
2025 Chuck: Jesus never married, therefore he had no relatives, by marriage.


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## Chuck71

Made it through the five days with mom in one piece. Only had to deal with ex aunt's BS once.... better than recently. Mom thinks she can stay by herself now.... even told me that while leaving the bathroom. She promptly began to fall backwards (loss of balance), I was close enough to grab her arm. "Sorry mom, you are a long way from ready." That hard countertop would have put a huge dent in her cranium. She also dropped hints about how nice it would be if she did come stay with me. If she decides to.... I'm not going to stop her. 

I will be taking her for her first follow-up with the PA. There are a few things given to her which she is not using. I will bring these up and let the PA tell her what will happen if she does not use them. I'm sure she will hate me for the rest of the day. But had it been me 30 years ago.... she'd have ratted me out too. She wants to get back to doing things but she has a "fear of walking." Mom has a house shoe fetish... HAS to have them on all the time. Pop was same way.... I've always been Mr. Barefoot. Half the time she stumbles is from trying to keep that #$%^&^$ house shoe on. "You're making an old man outta me." Then I recall the BSC things I did as a kid.... LOL paybacks!

One observation.... I would wait until she went off to sleep before I would wind down and / or do what I needed to. She would go to bed at 10 but wonder why she kept getting up 4x to pee. Ummm.... could be the Coke your drank right before bed. Anyway... she would take a hydro to help her sleep. It made her talk in her sleep. OMG.... I'll tell her once she has recovered. She went out with guys she grew up with after pop died. I was all for that, less worry for me. This one guy... she was complaining to me one day about him trying to kiss her (late 90's) and slobbering all over her. I thought it was hilarious. This guy was the first guy she kissed wayyyyyy back in the late 50's.

"xxxxx you can kiss me if you want to but best hurry up. Momma will make me come in if she sees us kissing." "I can't be your girl, momma will skin me alive. I'm only 13." Funny was an understatement. One thing that freaks me out.... mom has to wear a vest for at least three months to monitor her heart. I guess it is tight because she flops them out.... without warning. It must be a guy thing... those pair..... I do not wish to see. I'm looking away trying to find a cloth, any kind of cloth, to hand to her. Being sarcastic.... "You nursed from these I hope you know." "Yeah mom.... when Nixon was in office.... put something over them HFS." Sometimes I thought about lifting a few of her hydros but LOL.... wouldn't do any good to give me a peaceful sleep. They always keep me awake for hours and hours. I wouldn't but it did cross my mind.

Back to normalcy.... slowly. The last time I was fully single was 18 years ago. Several things have occurred which matched what happened in 1997. Very odd, very eerie. Let's see how it plays out.


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## Chuck71

Anyone have one of those weeks where.... you make every red light on the way to work, be at the deli when there is not enough xxxxx left for another sandwich so they give it to you....free of charge, and even win on four successive scratch-offs! Then you began to worry.... WTF is my bad luck going to come taking vengeance?

Scratch-offs are fun... to most, some it turns into an addiction. I purchase a S/O at $1. Win... get the next one (free ticket... same ticket) at $2. If I lose.... better luck next week. I move from $1, $2, $3, $5.... and so on. Anything won above, goes back into the -fund- I won $3 on $1, $4 on $2, $15 on $3, and $10 on $5. I am still spend the $1..... putting the "winnings" into -fund- It's fun.... low budget. When I get the feeling... I will grab a $10 one. It could all end on that one ticket. But I am still only out $1.

I was so hyped for a date Wednesday. Had a nice feel about it. Some of my best dates ever have came on Wednesday nights. She had to cancel, family issues arose. I had to cancel the next night, being my ex aunt suddenly had things to do. My plans were to get mom on Friday. Had to day early, left work. They were so happy...... constipated looks. "We all's are gonna have a sit down Monday," said I, as I left work.

Mom can be left alone for short times but I do notice a helplessness. I'm not exactly sure what it is but am gathering ideas. I do look forward to her Dr. appt. this week. Mom is getting upset with me as I attempt to get her to move around a bit, not just lay in bed. Even called me cruel. I said nothing. Mom loves to sit on the deck at sunrise. "Mom you remember when I always liked to be carried to the Corvette as a june bug? You told me I could have a piece of candy if I walked to the car myself......if I didn't, I not only couldn't go to town but no candy?" She did.... "You have to get moving around..... start a routine, fix a small breakfast (she could do it blindfolded), get off your a$$, I will not allow you to lay in bed and wither away. IF that is what YOU want, I'll take you to your sister's or a treatment facility. I won't allow it under my watch."

I vent here because no one else wants to hear it. Of course I was always there to hear their complaints. Well... I have told a few to GFY. It's a two way street. More on that later. It's a shame people you know, in person, are the ones who.... WTFE.... all I can say is the people I have met on TAM.... have gave me more support on back chat. Thank you..... it will be remembered. A huge thing is..... mom refuses to wear "pull ups" for whatever reason. If a female is 71 and has had children the natural way.... you will have a touch of leakage, as you go to the restroom. I thought at first, a pipe had burst under the house. Not at all.... drip, drip, drip on the carpet. I addressed it, "stop picking on me." "Okay.... I might as well pizz in the floor when I need to go.... your trails are small but after about fifty of them, what's the difference? You have to wear your pull ups."

I was reading a story on-line..... I heard a thump and yell. The swinging door was... a broken door, shut right when I met it. I won but, lost... need new door. Her frame slipped off and rolled her into the floor. At that moment...... I understood clearly what a parent feels when their child screams out. This is... what it seems to have become. I hope it is brief..... this is not her. Yet it is nearly a month after surgery. The two follow-ups with Dr. will shed a lot of light. 

Being home more than usual allowed me to catch up on my OLD things. No problem with females initiating chats. Most are not what I am seeking but I do respond. I do not lead any one on but I do want to show appreciation for viewing my pics and profile. One chat was nice..... we spoke for around an hour on the phone. The next day..... 12+ emails, whatcha doin, hi just thinking about you, have free time just wanted to say hi, and my "fav" two..... what r u doing? Followed five minutes by r u not talking.... She was fully explained I have no smart phone nor apps. Maybe it's me.... I do not see emailing / texting 25x a day BEFORE you have met and one day after chatting on the phone. Just imagine how this would go after we met.... or had sex. I'm sorry but when I am at work, it is my job to advise students and to give lectures. The parents of my students do not give two schits what I know, their only concern is what their child knows. Sitting in my office texting / emailing all day is not why I was hired. How bad did it get with her? 27 messages in one day..... my final reply was "I will respond when you stop complaining about me not responding.... every 15 minutes." 

Earlier in the week, mom's sister was with her. Ex aunt turned all the lights off and raised the windows.... listening to what others in the village were saying. She then started telling mom about it. As mom was telling me this, I laughed but was not shocked at all. "I told her to mind her own damn business. He!! xxxx (my nickname) she reminds me of that nosey woman on Bewitched." Now that.... gave me a good laugh.

Mom is upset I will not take her home (she would be alone). "You at this time are my child and I am your de facto parent. I have your best interests at heart. If you want to cuss or hate me, go right ahead. But what I say goes, until you see your Dr. in a few days." She complied. Y'know..... I always wanted a child. Well.... I just got one.


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## Chuck71

"You Gdamn idiot, you can't fill up a water bottle for me right."
"Where's my pain pills? Did you sell them?"
"I want to drive my damn car."

Ahhhh... so forgive me (schit eating grin) I failed to comply with your demands your highness, as I leave the room. You have anger, YOU OWN IT
My gosh mom, how did you know! I sold all of them! I bought a bass boat, wanna go fishing!
Think so huh mom? Don't think so (Why the he!! not) You just asked me where your sunglasses were.... ummm they were on your head... Drive.... not quite

As good as her first stay with me was, this one.... was as horrid. Refuses to take meds, left one med at home which was prescribed right after surgery (HBP / heart pill). Refuses to exercise, even told her I would allow her to go home (still can't be left along for extended time) if she would walk with me to the mailbox and back, refused. Sleep, eat cookies, smoke, sleep. I can't force her. Damn I want to but.....

Mom demanded to go home Wednesday evening. She refused meds AM and PM. Her follow-up was the next day or I would have just taken her to the ER. Next morning... I told her appointment was at 930, was at 1030... expected resistance about going. I did. "I don't have to go if I don't want to." "For the time being, I am your parent and if you do not go, I will resort to the very same things you did to me when I refused to go see my Dr. as a teen." Off we went...

She had VERY low BP.... in truth her refusing to take meds helped her. I stressed to the Dr. best to not let her realize that or we will have a 16 y/o teen on our hands with a mean streak. She was re-admitted into ICU to relinquish the former meds and to start new ones. Her cardio Dr best be on board, the last thing mom needs is to be put on three-four pills at one time and have to find out which one doesn't work. I was used as a guinea pig for meds back in the 80's.... Phenobarbital was one, mom will not be a lab rat.

I made the best attempt I could with ex aunt. The "Time has Come" to piece by piece destroy her plastic playhouse. Every single thing that comes out of her mouth, minus crammed food falling out, is negative about me. Has been for years..... times are changing. The fact mom avoided her calls when she was at my place told me enough. Locked 'n loaded...
Ex aunt is a "hide behind the phone person" so to smoke her out....... 1-I know you're taking your mom to the doctor. She's not talking to me. Do you need gas money? I have a credit card if you need it? "Since when have I had to borrow money from anyone for gas money? Maybe in HS when I wasn't paid but every two weeks. You are building yourself up on a fake pedestal yet your passive aggressive and co-dependent tactics bring you a sense of being in this world. Not needed" 2-I was over at your mom's and noticed the cable bill on the table. Did you pay it? I'd hate for her to come back home with no cable. "Did you happen to look inside the bill to see the due date and conformation number, stating it was paid? I didn't think so or you wouldn't have commented on it. Dig a little deeper kid. I pay my bills, I make sure mom's is paid. If she does not have the money, I pay them for her if within reason"
3-I don't get my car back until Friday. If she is at your house, can I come by and see her? I don't know if I am welcome to come out to your house or not. "I never once said you were not welcome. XW and mom invited you out numerous times, you never came. Even Thanksgiving 2013, me, mom, UG all invited you out, even if it was for a short time being you may have to travel to see your son. You could've made a 30 minute appearance but you didn't, he!! it was on your way to see him. But you now say you are unsure if you are welcome? What rat poison do you snack on? " 4-Why do you still keep that Corvette? "The Corvette has nothing to do with you, period. Pop bought it in 1971, sold it to me for $1 profit when I was 16. It was not "my car" but "our car" and I knew then..... it was mine not to sell but pass down. Sometimes it needs work done, schit it's a 53 y / o car. A small thing is $3,000. If you think I am going to drive it as an everyday car, you are as crazy as the Russian mob. Are you mad your XH's (there were four) didn't buy you one? You couldn't fit in one anyway. Best to mind your own Gdamn business. In fact.... wait until mom is better, she will tell you the same thing."

The gloves are off. I won't waste a Rocky IV soundtrack on you. You aren't worth it. You have not been my aunt in so many years. You were pizzed off I received my masters in special education while you were a teacher's aide as one. You were given opportunity, JFC you were told it would be free through the school if you did (early 1990's). You can't apply yourself to do jack schit but call out the ones who do. That is YOUR problem. But you will get a Survivor song from Rocky..... cause....... you are....... "family."

Final note..... ex aunt never believed in me. No harm, no foul. I have not once did a thing to laude praise from her. But maybe.... possibly.... you infiltrated mom enough over the years. When I decided to start grad school I received this from mom, "You can't make it in grad school, you barely made it through, "regular school." At 31 y /o I had my grade cards sent home, to my mother LOL. Mom.... I love you and loved you then but it brought great premise to shove what you said about me, right in your face. Yes I enjoyed it. I also said FU after the grades were posted, to myself.... never to you. But you knew..... without me saying. I went to grad school for me.... but had a point to prove, just extra motivation. WC never understood why I never got excited about straight A's in grad school. "I expected that of myself. Why in the He!! throw a party over it?" 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUYoKy6YmZk "Time has Come" Europe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bedxL4nSk8 "Fire makes Steel" Survivor


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## Chuck71

Mom was admitted into ICU from ER (last) Thursday evening. I returned Friday afternoon to see her. Mom was more "herself" as she was complaining about the hospital food and wanting to go home. Ex aunt was there.... "Did you see my car out there" I didn't even look towards her, -Wasn't looking for it- "I got it fixed, it's pretty." Still looking at mom -Stop wrecking it then- I can only imagine her thoughts..... well I can and am willing to go much deeper.... and darker. As I explained to mom how critical it was to take her meds and wear the vest.... "I'm tired of hearing this Gdamn schit, why don't you GTFOH." "You only have to say it once mom, see ya tomorrow." ...."Don't you bother coming tomorrow either" -Do you actually mean that?- "You Gdamn right I do" "Ya got your wish mom, take care"

Did it bother me to not go.... not much, she needed her rest. But to sit there and take verbal abuse, nah.... I'd rather escape that. I came up early Sunday morning and lo and behold... she was being dismissed. There was ex aunt in the pick-up area. When mom was admitted and during my "dress down" of my aunt, I still gave her the security code to check on mom, simply out of respect. In summery.... she called up there and even though I was the only next of kin on contact page..... somehow ex aunt got the call she was being dismissed and.... not me. After a bit of question asking, an RN informed me, "She told me to call her instead of you because you still party and stay up all night." -And you can change documented records at a whim? Without knowing whom anyone is? What is your badge # and identification- I hope she just got wrote up. Her actions were uncalled for.

All the lying just to get to be the one who gets to drive her home. Childish to say the least. I had been awake since 5AM (Sunday morning) because weekend guest had to be at work at 7AM. File actions away in memory bank for future use. Sunday night, I ran by mom's to see how she was doing and take her a few things to nibble on. Nice visit until 30 minutes in she became irate, yelling, cussing, -see you tomorrow mom, be careful- Monday was follow-up with cardio Dr. She told mom she needs to wear the vest for three months (as I indicated) to track her heart functions, after her heart gets stronger to 35% she can stop wearing it. She blasted mom for not taking her meds. Mom was irate..... -I'll leave before you start in, course you won't with others around but I will leave you $40 for a cab and I'll take off- .....at me for telling the Dr the truth.

She cooled off.... I stopped by and got her, or one of, her favorite foods and we went back to her place. She was to start one med the next day and D / C a previous. I placed her D / C in cabinet with other D / C meds from past. "Give me all my fvcking pills..... I'll take this until I get the new one." -The D / C med is what made your BP get so low, you don't take it anymore- "I'll take whatever the fvck I want." -At least you're taking meds now, you were exact opposite before- "You're not a @#%%^ Dr so don't tell me what to do." -See ya, hope you get to feeling better- As I left she was screaming and cussing me. She called later apologizing.

-Mom... I love you.... in ways I can never love anyone else. But I will not take your abuse albeit it is from you being more scared than anything. I can't help you if you do not allow me to- ...... Hopefully the next day will be better. Same actions, I will simply leave. If I feel she is starting to harm herself and her betterment, I will call the people needed. I have began to start the process of accepting her death..... it will be a lot harder than pop's. Many more dynamics at work. If she can not take her meds as prescribed and will not follow Dr protocol.... and refuse positive direction from myself...... it's now just a matter of time. 

If I knew it would make her "want to fight" if I just turned away, I would.


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## farsidejunky

Sorry, Chuck. These things are never easy. My mother suffers from a hereditary disease that causes dementia. She also is basically incontinent. She is starting to become similar to your mom, but with the attitude of an 8 year old. It ain't easy, brother. But we do these things out of love and gratitude.


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## Tron

So sorry you are having to deal with this. She wasn't like this before, was she?

Heart conditions are a real b!tch. 

You might talk to the doc about it, but some of the older men that I have known that had congestive heart failure, heart attacks etc. got downright mean afterwards. Not sure if if was the general malaise or the assortment of meds they had to take.


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## Chuck71

Strictly from word of mouth, mom's dad was overall a gentle soul. But if you crossed him.... you're screwed. Mom's mom was more calming. She too had a mean streak but you had to push her to see it. Mom was low key mostly but did feed off of pop. I heard stories from mom. They were dating, mid-60's, mom was baby oil and iodined up for sunbathing. Pop came in late with a guy friend, mom slammed the screen door in his face, he kicked it open, she threw a phone at him, he grabbed her and pushed her away. Her baby oil made her slide through three rooms. And yous guys had kids? *eyeroll*

Mom did not have emotional outbursts until around three months after pop died. Since around 2000, I stopped engaging with her in these outbursts and made her own her own chaos. Did I like doing it..... not really but, I had to. Mom was dating a couple guys she grew up with and when she got mad at one... guess who she sought out to dump it on.... yep. Mom would apologize after each one. I never examined it closely until Mavish spoke about it on Group's thread. 

So mom has anger, she just reserves me or my ex aunt to get the brunt. When she acts as a child, I treat her as such. She acknowledges it and makes statements about repairing them. It's not that they bother me, it's just she is damaging her chances of recovering to the maximum potential. 

She is returning to herself in more ways. But still will not wear the vest and says she is taking her meds. Mom is not dumb by any stretch.... and she is blunt. If she wants to give up, sure wish she would tell me. My last attempt will be for me to force her into a rescuer for me (fake situation) and flip the tables. In the meantime... I will observe and consult with her physicians.


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## Chuck71

Bad Chucky..... Good Chucky!

Although this is a vent, it's not the usual vent. I guess a nice change from Dlck Cavett's "Remember When" or ranting about my crazy ex aunt. This is what happened yesterday. It involved mom and it pizzed me off at first but... I can't stop laughing about it now.

Yesterday evening I get a call from mom. She was livid.... the day before she asked me to stop by and get her something to eat, she was craving it. Being mom... I had to eat too *eyeroll* or she would feel a guilt trip eating in front of me (this HAS to be a mom and a female thing). I forgot to give her debit card back to her. "I wanted a slushie from Sonic yesterday and they're 1/2 price from 2-4pm. She (ex aunt) was going to pick one up for me but I did not have any money. (Pause) Where's my fvcking card?"

Granted.... I think more of stray dogs than I do my ex aunt. But I do think she would have went "all out" and paid $1.50 for the slushie. Before mom fell ill, ex aunt would buy for both sometimes and mom would keep track of it and pay her back, first of the month. But no....... not this time LOL! She informed me that was ALL she wanted that whole day. Can we say guilt trip? I knew you could! After the nic nak patty waks were over, "What are you doing?" -Ummm watching porn and shooting wabbits- "Ok... then" I will always admit I was he!! on wheels as a kid but... I wasn't that bad.

It bothered me a short bit, then I couldn't help but laugh. I am such a bad bad man for depriving my poor defenseless mother of a $1.50 slushie. As much as I bash her sister, I do think she has the decency to go $1.50. But back to Bad Chucky.... today I have tried to be a Good Chucky. I got her slushie today, actually I got eight of 'em, even labeled them and put them in her freezer (names? they're all related to the seven dwarfs on menopause). She has a pizza which will be delivered later tonight (pre-paid, my fav kind, she eats any fine, I'll finish it tomorrow.... I can just hear her now "I didn't order no damn pizza and I ain't paying for the fvcking thing." -Ummm ummm it was pre-paid maam-) I re-arranged her canned food in alphabetical order (I'll hear about this one LOL), I pulled out her Christmas reef and placed it on her door (beside door till I left, when she closed door, I snuck back and hung it up.... I'll hear about this one too, she hates when people put up Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving), am I getting nearer to Good Chucky yet?

This did..... cross my mind. I'm sure I would have had to burn her a few death metal CDs or give her a coupon for motor oil but I considered getting the "tow truck gal" -see my post in GRD couple months ago- to go over to mom's with me, tell her we're getting married and she is pregnant... and it's mine. Yeah... might have been too much. But at least I'm Good Chucky now!!! *eyeroll*


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## Chuck71

Stars are in alignment 

Ready, set, fire....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_2GcdO9j9c


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## Chuck71

-The Berlin Wall falls
-The Red Sox win the World Series
-George Carlin dies

Things in life are inevitable. You have no control over them. How you react to them.... that is under one's control. I saw five constants in life: death, taxes, ****roaches, Cher, and my mother's love. This five may be reduced to three, granted Cher finally did hang it up. Mom has always been mom.... almost always good, every now and then out of character. Although.... always colorful.

I am forced to bid a farewell to her now. She is alive. But the toll I have took.... I will not continue to. It is her choice to refuse medical advice, to pick and choose what medication she takes, to continue smoking, to refuse to exercise in the simplest form, and to try and use me as an anger dump. I've had enough.... even when I walk away when her anger comes out, it is still taxing. Everything has a beginning and an end.... today I decided our relationship needs to cease. Forever.... maybe, temporary... oh yes....

Now as I gaze into the mirror of life.... I am naked and alone. What will be, shall be. No regrets, I left everything on the field. Carry on.... as Kansas would say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL4m8Dv7lRs


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## farsidejunky

Ah, give it a minute.

She is lashing out at you for the same reason you mentioned her. You are also the constant in her life; the one person she feels safe with.

Don't take her words personally, brother.


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## Chuck71

"Mom.... I have watched you wither away without a fight. You are aware of this, this is where your anger is from. No one can fight your fight but you. I would be the loudest supporter but it has to begin with you."

-Those Gdamn doctors have killed me. I do not remember consenting to this surgery at all. I blame these Gdamn doctors for killing me- "I sat there and watched you say yes to it. FFS you had triple by-pass. I still curse that doctor and question God about the surgery I had over 25 years ago. I let it bring me down at first.... once I stood up, I used it for pure motivation. He!! mom.... you saw every bit of this first hand."

"Mom..... we have to part ways for now. This is exactly like me being 24 and having a drug problem. You would try everything in your power to help me. Once you realized you were "enabling me" more than "helping me" you would back away and let me hit rock bottom. Once I admitted my problem and sought treatment.... you would be my biggest cheerleader. But not until then." THAT would be the mom I have known.

I'm exhausted, tired, spent, run down. "I can't stand by and watch you die a slow death. The root is.... you are letting this happen without putting up a fight. The person I have always known you to be, would never EVER go down without a fight." "Mom... once you accept where you are now, the quicker you can start the road to recovery." "The outcome is not the key component, it is effort. Effort over outcome, no positive outcome comes from no effort." 
I began stating a month ago I have D71. She is my daughter now. I would like to think if I had a D17, I would say the very things to her about having to want it for yourself. 

Dealing with the whole WC fiasco seems like a bike ride compared to this. This has cut to the core. I'm not looking for a triathlon, simply walking to her mailbox ONCE with assistance.... would be enough. It's a retirement village, stop halfway and talk to your neighbors, then walk the rest, stop, talk to the people at the laundry mat, repeat back to apartment. FFS you walked almost this far with the therapist before leaving the hospital. That was two months ago almost. Well schit Chuck.... you f'ing prick, why don't you offer to help her do this? If I grew an inch every time I have offered this, I would be playing in the NBA right now.

If she decides to "want it" my arse is all-in. I can't make her recover through my actions. If I could, I would. We all walk paths in our life.... the most defining are the ones we have to take alone. I do hope and pray I get the call from her..... but the choice is hers alone to make. I have access to mom's account.... if she runs low, I will put money in for her. Whether we never speak again or we do.... I will make sure she has what she needs, yeah even smokes..... 

I do not regret putting a large amount of my life on hold for mom. If I didn't, I would have to live with it the rest of my life. I have done everything I know to do...... the rest is up.... to her.


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## farsidejunky

Stay strong, brother.


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## Chuck71

Thank you FSJ.... nothing I wanted to do at all. She cried when I told her but I felt no sympathy. I knew it had to be done. I hope this will stir in her mind a few days and she will "kick over a chair."

You can never tell one's character and integrity until you "take everything away."


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## Chuck71

On a different note... not sure when my last update about my uncle's possessions was posted. Anyways... everything was taken by his two kids, sold, gave away, trashed as far as household items. Uncle's D (we can call her Patty) wanted to squat at the house in hopes of getting enough money to buy it. The final distribution of assets was to be divided between his one son, Patty (one son died several years ago.... was an OD but certain family members believe it was concocted by his two siblings), and Patty's first son. I'm not a brain surgeon but I surmised Patty was going to -jackleg- her son's portion in hopes of buying the house or enough to finance it (Patty has zero credit). Plus she could always try to BS her brother's cut. Granted her brother was just as BSC and might have thought the same thing. Everything had an angle, everything had a con twist to it. Patty lived there three months... never offered to pay $1 in mortgage.

Of course uncle's kids thought he had $500k stashed away. Well he may have if he didn't have to give it away to courts, debt collectors, wise guys chasing them for payment on drugs, etc. to bail his kids out. In the end... each got around $15k. My mom and Patty went round-and-round quite a bit, I mostly touched on that last summer. Patty was eventually evicted after every means was employed to run her off.... turned lights / water off in dead of summer wouldn't work. An example of how bad uncle's kids were.... one son (one who "OD'd") was injured when paramedics used -jaws of life- to free him from a car he totaled. Even though he was wasted on angel dust... and totaled the car.... uncle sued the county and won a nice settlement. He gave the money to his son, who bought a showroom floor TransAm, a pound of weed, and raced off to see his brother. They burned in the car.... but were caught. His brother was in the Army and he brought the weed on to the base... yes I am not making this up! Confiscate the car, weed... shocker huh?

On to Patty. I had a crush on Patty when I was pre-teen to early teen. I think everyone has an older cousin they develop a crush on. Just a few back story statements on Patty....she M a guy, had two kids with him (already had one) and up and left him.... left the kids too. She may have entered their lives four-five times a year. Patty commented on FB recently her daughter had "her looks and her daddy's money." Another child was stillborn.... due to crack use by the mom.... senior family members did a hush hush and buried the baby in unmarked grave. One child was given to the father's parents.... and this is just what I am aware of. Patty did make a comment last year... -When I get my daddy's money I am going to buy me a bass boat and a pair of DDs- ..... As I vented on TAM I did say she may get a tugboat and a push up bra. Some people just have bad luck and make bad choices in life but are still "good people" but Patty had a PhD is fvckupology. As pop would say.... "they's have to try and be that bad a f-up."

It was confirmed recently.... Patty passed away. She was 51... her liver and heart gave out. Draw your own conclusions.....

My late uncle has one son left, he lives with his mom (uncle's XW) pretty much since his parent's D. Patty's mom was calling everyone in the family to see if someone could pay for her funeral (cremated, etc roughly $2k). Guess uncle's 15k was already gone... ya think? Secretly a family member stepped up.... I am pretty sure who it was but that is between them and Patty's mom... none of my business nor concern.


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## Chuck71

One thousand and ninety-five

-Byzantine emperor Alexius I Comnenus sends ambassadors to Pope Urban II, at the Council of Piacenza, to discuss sending mercenaries against the Seljuk Turks.
-On the last day of the Council of Clermont, Pope Urban II appoints Bishop Adhemar of Le Puy and Count Raymond IV of Toulouse to lead the First Crusade to the Holy Land. 

In a clash of East vs. West... it was more than just a cultural and religious divide. Wait.... my error. 1095.... days. Okay... Days not year. Okay Chuck... resume talking to yourself.

1095 days ago... I ventured onto TAM. Right before the anniversary of my DDay, the last two years and now... I re-read my first two blogs I posted here. Them's short.... as papaw would say. It's amazing how you see things clearly now, in comparison to then. I spent hours reading stories here. I thought my situation was "the worst ever," took about 4-5 stories to realize.... oh noooo a lot of people have it much worse. I followed many threads. Every thread has ended.... a long time back. Those of you just entering this schitstorm.... it will end, I promise. The Sun will rise.

Not a peep (almost) out of Window Cork since the death of her brother's dog. Doesn't bother me either way.... who she is today is of no concern. Are there things you miss... that you and her had? There are.... the unspoken communication. It took no words, just a look and the other knew. Never had that before or since. Glimmers.... yeah but nothing in the ball park. I've dated more in the last year than I ever have. Of course I promised myself to stop being a relationship guy. 1988-2014.... four LTRs. Not much time in-between the four. Yet this was the one year I was able to interact with all four. 1st love was quite hilarious, 2nd was a nice stroll down memory lane, 3rd / XW was a "yeah this is why you don't want her back" moment, and 4th was an "I told you so."

2nd love and I had our moments. We both knew it would just be.... moments. Many times back in the day, we would stop by Dari Queen and grab a blizzard. Park at the side and just... chat about whatever. We did that back in the winter. Memories.... you betcha! But that was yesterday. It was nice to catch up. We still chat but not often. We will always have the summer of '91 and the vacation of '96. He!!.... it made for two books.

4th love...... well this one played out just as it was seen. Yeah we both made mistakes, we all do. "I did things I shouldn't have. I was scared and I ran." Yeap.... "could we...." nah... WC went same route, if I sent her away, what chance do you think you have? A friend from TAM said she was a 'hard rebound' and if it wasn't my own situation, I would have agreed. I guess I thought putting off anything serious with her for months would keep me away from that. But damaged people put those bandages on really freaking well. They fell off at the first sign of strife..... so yeah.... hard rebound. Course the old man from '91.... he is now 4 for 4.

WC.... "I will be coming thru if you would like to meet for lunch" "That's the week I am getting a Topps set from 1967" "Oh.... I see" in other words.... ain't happenin' 

And.... 1st love. The Cocaine Dance. Never came close, just danced around the rim. She wanted me to be there for her in trade..... guess what the trade was. Nah.... I'll pass, I have a life. Earlier when I did not make time for her, without any promise of her time, she would get irate and block me on FB. She even went so far as to..... gasp.... defriend me! Damn her! LOL .... I even got a message about her stipulating I don't have time for her. She sent a friend request awhile back..... unheeded. She got upset and blocked me again. Now she sent me another. Won't happen. She is aware we can message on FB without being friends. At one time I stated "call me." Until she does.... no communication. She can stew until the world ends. She's a country gal but cleans up damn good.... but I have my boundaries..... they are enforced. Don't like 'em..... traverse along as TAM member Arbitrator would say. There are reasons she and I will never work out again..... but damn the memory lane, 1st love, etc. I thought she was "The One" and had we met twenty years earlier, she would've been. Times change. As we were sleeping together back when spring training was about to start.... I looked up at her during sex..... there was a trilogy about a decade ago, "Left Behind" and it starred Kirk Cameron of Growing Pains fame. A co-star, airline pilot shook hands with the anti-christ and he turned into a hideous monster for a split second. That is EXACTLY what I saw when I looked up at 1st love during sex. A soulless creature.
I may compile a Top 10 schitty dates of the past year. It would be entertaining. God knows I like to reflect more than a Hollywood model after six lines of coke! I will expand more upon mom soon... she is doing better and we are interacting more. I did get my point across from around a month ago. No regrets. It's been a schit year.... mom being sick, my job situation, continually meeting people who think they have their schit together but after conversing..... their last twenty years were filled with nothing but..... schit. I'm not a test subject.... move along.

On a final note.... WTF is it with the pecker shaming? I'm 43 and want children, never had any. -What? No kids and you're over 40? Do you even have one?- Shame on me huh... Yeah... WTFE.... I really screwed up huh, had a child, she had an abortion w/o my knowledge many years ago.... married 15 years, wanted kids, she had "girlie" issues later on... Had kids as deal breaker with UG. Guess I wanted to wait too long huh.... seriously? Dim witted and narrow mined.... are you in Congress? Guess I should have been one of those guys with 21 kids by 17 women and never pay any child support. "The older I get, the more the world seems to be fvcked up," pop 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996. The he!! you say pop!

I have an outside clothesline set up. Clothes smell better, no fooling with dryer and burnt elements. Mom saw it.... "Yeah you're starting to live like (my) momma and daddy did but have fun cleaning the bird schit off your clothes." She was serious but I have to admit, I LMFAO.


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## Chuck71

Like horse schit in a dry creek bed.... so are the Days of Chuck's Life

I'll try to keep it brief. Currently dating a few gals.... nothing serious. Only one met mom (pre late August). One has bugged me about it (we have went out enough for her to say that) but I told her.... until she is better.... you are not meeting my "mom," just someone who resembles her. She and I were out in town.... anytime I'm out in town I always call mom / D71 to see if she needs anything. D71 was hungry.... we brought her something to eat, the girl insisted on paying for it. D71 wanted her car back.... -ummm I'm on a date. I can swing it by tomorrow morning. I want to ride with you to make sure you are capable... being you had not driven since your heart attack.-

Gal and I got to my place... phone blows up. It was my ex aunt. I asked the gal to listen to the messages. I try every way possible to avoid contact with her of any form. "How dare you steal your mom's car" Ummmm.... I use her car daily to get things for her.... stealing.... really? I forgot... your IQ reflects your actions. "How dare you starve her to death." Ummmm..... we had just dropped her off something to eat. Fast forward three weeks.... D71 admitted to telling ex aunt a lie.... that we did not drop off any food for her. Rewind back...... ex aunt "We're going to ram her (gal at my place) car to get to your mom's" "We're going to call the police and report her car stolen" "You are trying to control her." Yeah... D71 is scared to even get out of her apartment, scared to ride in a car. The next day she wants to drive.... and she wondered why I was leery of letting her loose behind the wheel? Seriously? One more wreck (in five years) and her DL is pulled permanently. When D71 had her first wreck in late 2014.... it was her fault. Cost $3k to fix her car. She only had liability. Guess who had to come with the money......

Anyway.... I walked out smiling, walked up to D71, it was dark outside, I did not pay attention to what D71 was saying. "I do hope you drive safe, take care." Walked back in the house. The trying to convince her not to yet was over. Had..... I been 19 and in a similar situation.... pop would have strongly recommended me not driving. But if I pulled what D71 and ex aunt did.... "Here's the damn keys, if you wreck... don't come to me for any help." 

I am VERY lucky that the gal who heard and witnessed this had known me awhile. She "knew of" mom pre-heart attack and knew me well enough to know I have a delusional, mentally-inept ex aunt. After the "I want my car" fiasco... she did say -I knew your aunt was worthless but I didn't know she was a ******* hillbilly- I did get a laugh from that.

Guess what happened the next day.... D71 calls me, I let it run to VM. I do listen to her calls. She can't draw money out of her debit card.... the security numbers had been changed. She asked me if I changed it. LOL.... my name has been on her account for over fifteen years. If I wanted every penny she had.... I would walk in and get it. I did call her back. I told her it was not me. I also told her wasn't it funny.... about two weeks before the heart attack, ex aunt was trying to file bankruptcy (again) and she learned her son's XW was snooping on her bank accounts, getting monthly statements sent to her address. Did I fail to mention ex aunt had a $120k line of credit she was not aware of..... LOL To pull this off, ex aunt's son had to have a hand in it too. But...... not my problem. I really did get a kick out of it though!

Back to D71s debit card. Ex aunt was given it, by D71, many times to go pick up something for her. Copy the data from card...... D71 keeps her monthly bank statements in an open place, very visible. Ex aunt does not have the cognitive resources and is just too lazy to pull this off. *Smiling* ...... guess who would and is still in contact with her.... *drum roll please* ..... UG! I still talk to UGs daughter's Hs people. As for ex aunt and UG (I do hope you read this) ..... keep on.... just keep on. I am ultra patient.... 

I let D71s calls run to VM without a reply for nearly a week. She had her necessities (food, Coke, smokes) so I was not pushed to that point (I was hoping I wasn't). The crying VMs.... now that tore at me. Even though I knew 110% I was in the right, still hurt. I can sleep with 1,000 women, have 100 girlfriends, get married 10 times.... but I will only have one mom. Setting boundaries with D71.... that makes setting them with female friends a freaking bike ride in the park. 

Mom and I have always been honest with each other. Well she was with me until recently.... and I did "fib" to her in my teen and college years (no wayyyy dude). Mom was the one person I could always trust.... I never fully trusted pop 110% after I reached my teen years. I no longer trust mom 110% any more. I made sure she understood that and why.... well she already knew why. Doesn't mean it can't be 110% again. She is still not herself... I get that. D71 will never get 110% but D71 can be a mom again too.... health and God willing.

Some may think I am a cold blooded MF... that's your right. As I stated earlier... some can see me as a sociopath with a conscience.... that's your right. But I can sleep peacefully at night knowing I have went above and beyond the call. No regrets..... leave it on the field.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHNNOyoq-Xg 

Will further update soon..... mom had a return trip to the hospital recently.


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## just got it 55

Jesus............ J .......... Just fvcking un-complicate your life

D

55


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## farsidejunky

just got it 55 said:


> Jesus............ J .......... Just fvcking un-complicate your life
> 
> D
> 
> 55


This is the perfect response.

Too many people pursuing their own self interest at your expense.

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## Chuck71

Part II ..... It was late one evening.... I found some old beans in the cabinet. Out of date but I could cook them for the dog. I called mom, knew she was up, asked her how long to cook them, what to add if just for the dog. We hung up around 1:30 AM. Few hours pass and I'm down timing with baseball cards and the phone rings. Ex aunt.... she was known to call at 4-5AM back when mom had the heart attack. Ex aunt is retired and has no regard for calling people in the middle of the night. I ignored the calls. 15 calls later.... I call mom after a class. Ex aunt answered her phone. Long story short... mom had a stroke and was at the hospital. Ex aunt "I tried to call you over and over. Why didn't you answer." -I don't sleep with my phone praying I don't miss a fvcking call and haven't you realized yet... I don't answer yours? Blow my phone up like that again and I will file charges for harassment." Click

Mom called her sister when she fell after she got out of bed. She wouldn't call me, just like when her chest was hurting in August. That's the deal.... if she calls me, ex aunt does not blow phones up and stir schit. Went to see mom in ICU... I told the nurse earlier about mom having trouble eating, about everything she eats, she throws it up. They did a GI tract ..... doctor sewed up a place that was most likely giving her issues. GI doctor saw a small spot on her stomach... cancerous. 

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving... I was diagnosed with cancer. I had to break the news to mom. She cried. Am I worried about it... yeah but I don't have time to. I always wanted a quiet life out in the country... yeah ok. When I got mom from the hospital Sunday before Thanksgiving..... went to her room "Where in the fvck have you been? I want to go home." -Mom you keep talking to me that way and your arse will be riding home on a damn bus. Respect me or have your fat arse sister to come get you- Wednesday morning... I heard mom fall out of my bed (only one bed... I took couch), she was laying in the floor, I picked her up, she was wet.... I felt back of her neck to see if she sweated something out..... was dry. She urinated all over the bed, down through to the mattress. When I sat her on the bed, she began throwing up all over her top / long sleeve jogging shirt.

I grabbed a towel, gave to her. Went to get another and mom couldn't even sit up on the bed. I feared if I let her go.... she would fall off the bed. I had to unclothe her, walk her to kitchen table completely nude (not fun for a guy to have to visual the part he came from), and when I was washing bed sheets and baking soda / vinegar and watering the floor to get the puke up, she kept saying "Why are you washing clothes and vacuuming?" Mom could not remember anything. Her stroke (left side) was opposite of mine when the doctor took me off medication too soon and my brain swelled back in '88. Physically.... she is 95% okay, just balance.... but most people over 70 deal with that anyway. Cognitively.... it took a huge hit on her. Having went through it before and my background with special education children and adults, I know what to look for.

I also found out her PCP gave her Paxil knowing she had taken Prozac for years. Those two don't mix. He didn't tell her to stop one. He did that with two other meds. I went to mom's heart doctor and asked her to look at her meds. That doctor went crazy over those two. I was most certain her PCP f'ed up but I wanted another doctor to tell me that.... before I go have a sit down with PCP. I took mom to see him the other day, I told her to let me do the talking. I wanted him to refer her to a GI specialist and a treatment facility for a few weeks. After that..... PCP and I will "chat," he's an old man so I can't grab him by the neck and run him up a wall to get his attention. PCP said treatment facility would most likely only do outpatient and he is probably right. Mom has Medicare... places / doctors can't make any money off of that. Now if me or mom had a few million in the bank... yeah, whole different story.

The GI referral, PCPs office called today, told mom it would be in late January. And she has a cancer growth on her stomach? Are you schitting me? Thankfully the semester is about over.... I will be doing some calling. This just ain't right. A yeoman as me can't make noise against insurance companies, pharmaceuticals, and PCPs who some are pill doctors. Yes... he takes Medicare and does not make much off of each patient but when you see 500 a day.... yeah. You need a prescription, here ya go. What doctor in their right mind would not check a patient's med chart before writing a new one? Mom will need an evaluation before maybe getting into a treatment facility..... the place where she gets it said they will call with an appointment next month. Yeah...... ain't making this up.

Ya know.... Chuckie is.... mad as he!!. But don't feel any pity for Chuck.... I never start schit but when it's thrown at me, I do like to ball it up and rub it into the other's face. But I do take my time..... I'm one that seems to put up with more crap than some would. Keep in mind.... I am thinking ahead..... with precision, calculation, and timing. Remember.... I am a sociopath LOL .... only this time, a conscience is not needed.

UG.... if you are / were involved.... you will be prosecuted. You will wish you had never met me. Bet the farm. And if you think ex aunt won't sell you out for a bag of chips, you are so wrong.

Ex aunt.... Christmas will come a bit early for you.... Christmas gifts but... they will be filled with schit. You said once, about twenty years ago.... when I turn on someone, I'm cold as ice.... well... you are correct!

I will help mom the best I can. No one else will help her. Her sister tries but if your arse was in her hands you would be scared to death. There are some decisions to make mom... you may end up in a nursing home where they take your entire check and if you are lucky.... have enough cash left to buy a 12 pack of Cokes for a month. You drink them in one day sometimes. You are bull headed but all they will do is sedate you up to where you don't give a schit about anything. You want that? You're about to get it...... 

As for my situation.... cancer. What the fvck ever. He!! I like a good fight every now and then. But when I was in that room, getting the news, I was alone. No family, mom is more my daughter now, no wife, no kids. Maybe I was not meant to leave a mark, who knows.

I will get my affairs in order. If it gets bad.... I will have several sit downs with a few people before I go. They will be as ugly as Janet Reno and Linda Tripp doing a sex tape.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-qhWahjOgY


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## farsidejunky

What type is it, brother? What stage?

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## Ynot

Damn Chuck, I hope it all works out for the best.


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## Pluto2

Well you're not alone here, Chuck.
I've been there, too. 
We are survivors, dude.


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## Ceegee

You need a sabbatical. Two months away. Damn. 


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## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> You need a sabbatical. Two months away. Damn.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Actually I'm getting one from work, as of 12/9.

What I really need is: homemade pizza

a backrub

fifth of Scotch

a few "left handed cigarettes"

Star Wars trilogy (ok I have that)

that cute gal I dated back in May

*wink* I'll be fine...... I'm actually not completely pizzed off .... yet


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## Chuck71

The cancer is near pop's. He discovered his in 1995, June. He was dead by March 1996. He was not one to go quietly, just his nature..... in fact, not mine either. Pop's was on his neck. Mine is close by. The Dr. said cancerous but to what degree..... that is what I was waiting on. Unlike pop's... mine is said to be treatable. Yes... I had numerous flashbacks. Scared.... no. Fear leads to the Dark Side. Agitated... yeah, that's a good word.

Things did appear to get better with mom..... well until..... LOL. Anyone recall the episode about six weeks back with D71, ex aunt, and her car? Anyhow.... I drive D71s being I take her to Dr. appointments and stop by the store to get her things. My truck is a 5.4 gas hog. I get a call the other day while I was on a date. D71 left a smart arse message, being "offended" I was on a date and I guess, not sitting by the phone waiting for a call from her. D71 was told of this date ahead of time. When I called her.... I brought up her tirade and she backed off quickly. Water on stove nearing boiling point.... I could just tell.

Last week.. I ran by the store for her, D71 was really ill and guess who she wanted to dump on..... I brought her things in, she started in. I walked out the door, didn't stay two minutes. -I will not get immersed in your anger- I received a call after I had went to bed.... D71 accusing me of "stealing" my truck key from her.... LOL I have one key, she has the other. She's in that mood again. I wake up at 4am, listen to the VM, switch out cars. D71 wants to drive, even though she has yet to be cleared by a neurologist. He!! she is waiting for an appointment for just an evaluation. 

I retrieved my truck, in my name, because if D71 drove it and hit, hurt, killed someone.... they would sue ME... not D71. This is D71s mentality.... very unlike her "as I remember." I get a few calls afterward, D71 saying several IDGAFs about driving, don't care if it's illegal. "Mom I want you to take care of yourself." We have not spoke in a week..... she has called.... but I am treating this just as I did my D with Window Cork. When someone acts as a child, I treat them as such. Speaking of children.... I called my bundle package company... blocked my ex aunt's number. Should have done that a long time ago.


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## farsidejunky

Chuck... I wish there was something I could say that would just clear it up. 

My wife and I will include you in our prayers each night, brother. 

Now go kick life in the @$$.

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## Chuck71

Thank you. I already have all the motivation I need from years ago. The avatar was more for HM64. I'm just not a smiley face type of person...... unless the words written on mine could be transposed onto a smiley face.

I'm a why person. Several years ago, for reasons I never understood, I began reading about Belgium. Who controlled the region up until 1800s? What was the travesty about the Belgian Congo? Why did Germany invade them in both wars? Why was Prince Albert's words after WW1 so true? It was an enjoyable read.... would love to visit the country someday.

Another why that bugs me...... I appear to have dodged a cancer bullet. Not that I am out of the woods, it runs on both sides. I will eventually die from it, just what kind.... and when. But what about HM64.... stage 4, wife, three girls, parents still alive. I am single, dating yes but nothing I see as LTR, no kids, no parents (well D71 but I fear she will never be my mother again, mentally). In a natural order, it should be me with his and him with mine. Don't seem right to me.


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## Pluto2

cancer sucks

Although I remember a friend of my family who had stage 4 breast cancer.... for 15 years. She managed to find a few test programs that really worked well for her and lived much longer than any doctor ever imagined. 

So make your life what you want. Plan a trip to Belgium now and go damn it! Merry Christmas.


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## farsidejunky

Chuck, every singl male on both sides of my family has had or died from cancer. Grandpas and all great uncles died of it; father had it twice; both male cousins (10ish years older) had it and it got one of them. It will get me too.

As for Happyman, it is a ****ing travesty. My fickle flesh does not understand it. But my faith tells me there is a reason. I have to lean on my faith or I will simply lose my $hit. 

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## just got it 55

farsidejunky said:


> Chuck, every singl male on both sides of my family has had or died from cancer. Grandpas and all great uncles died of it; father had it twice; both male cousins (10ish years older) had it and it got one of them. It will get me too.
> 
> As for Happyman, it is a ****ing travesty. My fickle flesh does not understand it. But my faith tells me there is a reason. I have to lean on my faith or I will simply lose my $hit.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


Junkman I struggled with my faith for years. I could only say it's either an amazing strenght or incredible weakness.

I believe in science but if you believe that God created the scientist that works for me too.

I have a feeling HM64 will make whatever time he has left on earth will be used with purpose and dignity.

Chuck I am so thankful you got better news that HM64 and thanks for your avatar change in Happy's support.

Merry Christmas my brothers

55


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## Chuck71

I have tried to stay a couple weeks behind in my posts with mom. They are so erratic... good week, great week, then..... schit hits the fan. I will update to the present as the year is closing. Yes I will do Top 10s because..... 2015 has been just a screwed up year. But Chuck.... you wanted the winds to swirl didn't ya? Yes I did... don't regret it for a second. It's not the walk across the stage when all the lights are on you.... it's those times when you almost gave up, threw in the towel, felt it was impossible. The lead-ins are what I recall more than any. The stage can take care of itself.

Merry Christmas 
FSJ
Pluto2
Tron
55
LW
LBHmidwest
Gridcom
C1800
Conrad (in spirit)
CG
Butthead... oops Buttpunch 8>)
Zillard
FrustratedMan
Mike Thomas *smiles*
3xnocharm
Turnera
Happy as a Clam
and .... HappyMan64 ..... may you stand up to cancer as Rocky did Drago in Rocky IV. I pray you are near the end of Round II.... pull up a clip HM64.... that's what I want you to do to cancer.

I know I missed someone.... my apologies. This song is for you HM64

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXXC0hFmQis 

This was and still is... one of my all-time rage songs. May it do twice as much good for you, as it has me over the years....


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## farsidejunky

Same to you, Chuck.

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## Chuck71

Pluto2 said:


> cancer sucks
> 
> Although I remember a friend of my family who had stage 4 breast cancer.... for 15 years. She managed to find a few test programs that really worked well for her and lived much longer than any doctor ever imagined.
> 
> So make your life what you want. Plan a trip to Belgium now and go damn it! Merry Christmas.


Less than a year after pop died, mom had a mammogram. Was quite a bit of "questionable activity." While she was waiting on the results.... I was at (then) mom n pop's house and I slung a Bible in the woods. Yes I was beyond mad.... I was near harnessing my rage but obviously... not all the way there yet. 

It turned out to be scar tissue. I retrieved the Bible I threw, still have it to this day. If cancer wants me.... well here I am. They may / will win but I will put up a fight worthy of the ages. Just because I'm a stubborn old SOB. I have never been the type to start crap... therefore when it is thrown at my doorstep, I have every right to rub it in the face of the BSing person.

Belgium is a place I would not mind visiting but there are so many others. Pitcairn Island is the one I would love to visit. No airports... only by ship. Minimum stay is three months. Think Mutiny on the Bounty, Fletcher Christian. Stay there for a year.... fish, plant, very little internet use, very little contact with outside world. Live as they did centuries before... when you had to have intimate conversations with your spouse, have each other's back. Y'know... like it used to be.


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## Chuck71

Ahhhhhh..... time to ketchup. Well..... I may break all this up into separate posts. I had a feeling mom would end up leaving another one of those crocodile tears VMs. With it being close to Christmas I virtually would have bet money on it. Being under the weather and getting it late (VM), I did not listen to her VM until Tuesday. That afternoon I am getting ready to run into town and.... there is mom pulling in the driveway. She is still not cleared to drive. All in all.... I explained I will not be mistreated or disrespected. When she does this, I will defend myself but also... cease communication until I am treated with respect.

One of her issues is she feels like I boss her around. Well if it is concerning her medication and taking it properly, walking short distances, or make healthy choices.... yeah I guess I am bossy. Of course I told her my actions are pretty much the same things she did to me when I was a teen. Why did mom do it.... she knew best and had my future well-being in mind.... somewhat like me and in the present. She came by Christmas Eve, I offered to go get her, take her back home, again she drove. There were volatile things said, I simply re-enforced my boundaries. Turned out to be a nice visit.

One way I can tell mom will never be "mom" again is her cooking. Every time she has cooked with me around her since August (7-8), it is not the same. I'm talking about things she has cooked a thousand times before. I have never said anything about this, I know it would bother her. She notices she can not cook anymore (well not like she did for 50 years) and I am sure it upsets her. Mom having her cooking skills taken away is like me having my writing skills taken away, it would devastate me. Truth is.... even at her diminished capacity.... she can still out-cook me... LOL

But........ mom still wonders why she sees jars of peanut butter almost empty when she comes out. I ask her to scrape the bottom of them, make a couple PB sandwiches. They're still the best PB I have ever ate. Weird.... I don't think so. My gut tells me I will not enjoy that special emotion much longer. Same thing about making coffee.... always tastes better when mom makes it. -Chuck tells Chuck relish these moments... they are numbered- I even asked mom to go see Star Wars with me. WTF Chuck? Why? She had to go with me to see the one in 1980 TESB. Back then.... when Han and Leia would kiss.... I'd close my eyes LOL. Just one more thing I can remember.... I guess it's been over 30 years since I have went to a movie with her. I don't think I'm being selfish wanting to experience these things. I would not view these in this way if I was not strongly convinced her days are numbered.

One of her vital medications has run out. This occurred during our non-communication stretch of a week and half. -Mom how long have you been without it? Have you called it in? If releasing Dr. prescribed it, simply go through your PCP or heart Dr (med is heart related)- .... Then I get the -I don't want to fvcking hear it, STFU, IDGAGD- Yeah.... and she wonders why I do not care to be around her. Everything to her has to have drama involved. Not my style. I am aware her sister has rubbed off on her. Ex aunt with her victim chair and drama crown will eat into that like ants to split Coke on a hot July afternoon is south Georgia. They both wonder why I just keep backing away..... 

I've almost got it down.... mom has a stretch where she is coherent and cordial. That's when I come around. Then... anger spills like the 1993 Mississippi River flood. Her sister has stepped in with shelling out money for her extra needs the last couple times I have backed away (simply stated, not proven, don't care either way). Mom did state, "She's been buying all these things the last couple weeks... I bet she's almost broke." LOL.... that's rich.... same thing I did for three months. Wonder who she gave more consideration to.... doesn't matter. In the end... I know for a fact mom did without many times to make sure I had what I needed as a kid. I'd do it all again even if I had a do over.

Up to the minute.... as I was taking mom home back in early November (this is right before D71, ex aunt pulled that car deal while a female friend was at my place), a guy backed into us. (Not part of story but FTR... mom jumped out of the car screaming and cussing..... VERY embarrassing. I did say to mom.... stop making a fool of yourself, had I acted this way as a kid you would have smacked the schit outta me... /and rightfully so/). I drove her to the body shop, Enterprise came to get us. They gave her a 2015 car to drive a few days. I decided to just sit back, have her drive. She wondered why I was nervous.... red light 1oo yards away, light is red, cars stopped, mom still going 60. She swerved all over the road.... "mom a cop will pull you over thinking you are drunk and may find a hold on your DL" IDGAGD...... We almost went off the road a few times..... why... the radio is geared like a smart phone and all mom wanted to do was look at it.... and push buttons, read what it says...... while.... yes.... DRIVING. And she wondered why I wanted 180 proof liquor, unfiltered Lucky Strikes and a bottle of 1920's cold meds laced with heroine!!!! 

Chuck always liked a quiet life out in the country. Well Chuck... things don't turn out exactly as you planned huh? Mentally I think I am prepared for her death. In many ways... the mom I grew up knowing is already gone. She will regress back to a spoiled teen and a smart mouthed 20something. One thing I have learned... all the drama her and pop had... before I came along and when I was very young..... it wasn't as much pop as I had previously thought. Pop still holds a majority but not like I once concluded.

Up to date... offered to fix mom spaghetti yesterday, one of her favs. Went to get her... wanted her to let me know what can be junked and what put up (stuff of hers she had stored at her sister's and we had moved to my place right before her HA in August. Since then it has been sitting in various rooms of my place). "This is the nastiest GD house I have ever seen...... blah blah blah...." Everything negative..... My reply "Mom.... you clean the damn place or.... show me how to, to meet your standard of satisfaction" She doesn't like when I say that.... because I am the type when you complain about something I do that is not up to par to others, two outcomes.... YOU do it or YOU show me how YOU want it done." If said person does not want to do either, they are bytching just to hear their arse roar.

"Everything in this GD house ought to be taken out and burned" -Mom most of the stuff here is yours from your sister's place and crap you left here when you moved into my duplex- ......Mom doesn't like it when I simply state the truth. "I think you and I need to part ways" -If that's what you want- I took her back to her place and that is that. Week or two later, we get to do it all over again.....


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## Chuck71

2016 New Year's Resolutions
1-Drop that last 20 disgusting pounds and ummm..... KEEP it off
2-Stop the cancer sticks
3-Watch as much Johnny Carson as I can
4-Skydive
5-Return to stand-up comedy
6-Structure my baseball cards in a manner where non-ADHD people can understand their location!
7-Meet and marry a lovely female whose father has one of the largest baseball card collections in the country!
8-Open a baseball card shop.... backed by my new FiL!
9-Win the lottery and buy an island.... to decompress!
10-Meet Bon Jovi and the band uses my old songs I wrote in the late 80s / early 90s to make a "hair band" comeback!


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## Chuck71

Top 10 Schitty Dates / Episodes with Females for 2015

#10-Emailed from OKC Her: Hi how are this morning 
Things are well........ how are things just up hwy xxx?
Her: It's ok 
had any luck on here yet? 
Her: No have you 
I'm still here, what's that say....... 
Her: Your not making no sense 
ummmmm I'm still here refers to how my luck has been on OKC 
Her: Ok 
Her: Can i move in with you 

#9- Her "I view cigarettes as a nasty and disgusting habit. Why do you do it"
"I do find it compelling to know your purse must weigh 50 lbs. with your walking pharmacy. Your eyeballs are very dilated, can I assume you do not take your pain medication as described? In addition... I agree cigarettes are a horrible habit but it will not land me in jail; unlike the ounce of pot you have in your purse. By the way... it's sticking out for everyone to see."

#8- Her: "After the snow dries up, let me and my son (he was 7) come to your place and I can cook you a good meal."
You do know it is not a wise decision to.... meet me at my home for a first MEETING, much less bring you child along TOO?

#7- from post #429..... It was a typical night. I had a female friend over... she had been here several times in the past. We were having a few drinks and enjoying the other's company. She drank a bit too much but for some reason... she was appearing to be "schit drunk." She fell onto the bed and noted she fell on her wrist. She went on to add she might need to take another pain pill. After asking when she took the last one and she replied right before she came over..... I rolled my eyes and knew it was going to be a long night. For five hours it was "hey wake up" every five to ten minutes. Before she did go to sleep.... she got a bit crabby.... the he!! you say. "I did not know it was dangerous to mix alcohol and pain pills." Ummmm... she works in the medical field....hello! She may have thought it was 'cute' to play dumb..... it wasn't. Made sure her overnight bag was all packed up when she left. 

#6 We were laying in bed.... post-sex. Her "You're not the first guy I have slept with today." Wow... you're not the first girl I have slept with today.
Her "WTF" ........... Ummm want some coffee before you go?


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## Chuck71

#5 from post #434 ... Compare / Contrast

July 1987... MW and I were hanging out one summer afternoon. A few beers and some good weed. We get a call about a party going on and off we were. It lasted late into the night and I met several people. Everyone danced to groups such as Ratt, Poison, Journey, and Bon Jovi. I was introduced to a girl named TH. She and I seemed to hit it off. I was not completely out of my element but it was foreign. Coming of age moments happen out of nowhere. TH was one of "those girls" who every guy wanted to date. TH was a party girl and had a "reputation."

We drank more than we should have. MW pulled me aside and asked how things were going. I informed him I was getting along with TH very well and we may go to one of the lofts. This meant making out and going all the way. MW informed me it was wise to use protection (I had none) and to keep in mind TH has numerous notches on her bedpost. "Chuck do you want to take the chance of being a dad at 15 and knowing your g/f / wife has rode more people than Greyhound? You could even get that AIDS thing going around." "Yo MW what's up with that..... only gay men get that." "Yeah Chuck...explain why females are dying as well."

That night was an eye opener for me. I was at the type of party I always wanted to, hanging out with the "in crowd," and had a jaw dropping female at my side. But I knew things were traveling way too fast. TH and I got up to the loft and I was not sure what to do after we made out a bit. Luckily TH took over.... as in passing out after a couple make out sessions. Defining moment indeed.

July 2015...Was speaking with a female, bit older, recently divorced. She invited me over to her place. When I arrived she informed me she took a nerve pill that morning, was still nervous (this was apparent when she commonly lit her cigarette at the wrong end) and asked me if I liked what she had on (see through top, could see pretty much entire bra easily.... and the shortest skirt I had ever seen). She had friends over when I came and I did not think nothing about it. Until none of the friends were leaving. This is not my general idea of a first meeting.

The music was a bit loud and her friends started a little in-fighting. I ventured out to the back porch in hopes she would soon follow. We spoke outside a bit, lightly made out and ventured back in. A friend brought out some weed. I thought...ok whatever..... see what happens. As the night drew on... the stereo got louder, everyone was yelling, and the topic of chat was.... mindless. Some of her friends could not handle their weed, not to mention the liquor they follow it with. I never mix weed and booze unless I truly know a person. I still have my facilities with one or the other but it is clouded with both. 

Since I did not know these people, I was not trying both.
We partied way past midnight. My date obviously could not handle both well either. The music continued to get louder and louder so I went outside to the deck. The music was not that bad but her friends screaming in my ear..... about mindless schit.... that was annoying. I would glance inside and saw her in a "DUH" state moving to the music in a chair. I asked her to come outside and we chatted some, made out and she complained she was dizzy, the porch was spinning. What a wonderful first date! She went back inside and I stated I was staying outside.... the music was way too loud and everyone is yelling about senseless things. One friend told me my date was a wonderful person.... and proceeded to write it on a piece of paper and showed it to everyone as if it was an achievement.... yes she was completely wasted.

I learned as the night progressed, one of the friends was her little brother. Posted on the fridge were his court dates for DUIs and fines he must pay to the county. Throughout the night he drank twelve 32oz beers... yeah he is a professional drunk. One was a relative who was clearly a paranoid schizophrenic and another..... was her cousin who was the writing expert mentioned previously, who continually challenged me on my presentation of AIDS..... I had mentioned several years ago I assisted a med student in research of AIDS (close friend's daughter) but her version was the Germans invented it during WW2. Yeah..... LOL.... there's a reason she never finished nursing school. 

I stood in the kitchen while everyone else passed out, including my "date." Fun times.... fun times
I sat outside making sure I was sober, it was very foggy and raining hard. Last thing I need is not to have clear judgment on the roads. In the meantime, her brother and the para-skitz were doing the deed and going from one bedroom to the other. At least they wrapped towels around themselves. The wanna-be nursing student (in her 50s mind you) passed out on one couch, my date the other. With nowhere to crash.... I searched for a bed to doze a couple hours on before I departed. I found her bedroom, laid out on top of the sheets with all my clothes on. Woke up around 4AM and left.

I added up, her home (very nice home) was next to her parents. My date lied to me about working.... her real job was babysitting her grandson and taking care of her lucid little brother and the psycho relatives. I don't care how much money someone has or how attractive they are..... sitting around and getting wasted all the time and having to watch after the family fvck ups is not my idea of g/f material. But it's funny... Chuck 1987 would have jumped at that chance. Well times change. As I drove home in the fog and rain.... I remembered how I felt some nearly thirty years prior.

We spoke the next day...... she was offended I did not drink beer (she made a special trip to the store for my beer.... how gracious of her to "waste" $6 on me) after we smoked weed. She went on to say I did not mingle with her guests. Really! "I would rather not be in a situation where everyone is wasted or beyond wasted (notice I smoked but never drank) and the stereo is loud enough to receive a disturbing the peace charge. Not to mention everyone is trying to scream over the music and in my ear about schit that is beyond nonsense. You were a piss poor host, got smashed and.... on our FIRST meeting. You lied about having a job, you lied about your brother having a job, you lied about your cousin being a nurse. It is obvious everyone is living off of your parents, not my cup of tea. I bet your parents are good people, I wished I could have met them."

She asked if we could still be friends, I said sure. Immediately de-friended her and have nothing else to say. That night reminded me so much of my situation in 1987. Funny thing was.... this time I knew better. I could imagine pop saying 'sober up and GTFO' as I would my son. The one ironic theme in this was her directions to where she lived. She lived not even a mile from where UGs parents lived. Ironic indeed...... July 4th was the beginning of the end for UG and I last year, well that is how I saw it. My date asked if I was still going to see the fireworks with her Saturday night..... at Mr. XXXXXX's place. Yes it was UGs parents place. I respectfully declined..... 

#4 from post #420 ..... She and I started seeing each other back in January. She was 32, college degree, cute, but the emotional maturity of an 18 y/o. But all I was seeking was someone to do things with, hang out. She would have been perfect if I was 15 or 16. She loved to read and even picked up a book I had recommended for her, Wuthering Heights. Her questions about music and movies did raise a flag. She would watch things like Gilmore Girls, Charmed.... I had to look it up. Not exactly what you would expect an educated 32 y/o to still be watching. Suffice to say I knew more about hair color than she did of Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Kiss, or Metallica. 

She did know a ton about the 1960's beach movies, Frank Sinatra, and could sew, knit and crotchet like a pro (ask me about UG and her crotchet LOL)..... something you don't find much anymore. Come to find out her grandmother raised her. Her grandmother was close in age to my mom. She went to a Christian junior and high school. Her grandmother sheltered her to a great extent. For an unknown reason she went from being top notch with etiquette and class to a sexual freak. She would initiate oral to me and not just once a day, be explicit on what she liked, and recommended bringing a female friend into the mix.

If I could mix her sexual appetite and another girl I dated with a doctorate in biology who was sharp as a razor but had as much adventure as a Morman on Christmas Eve...... I would be set for life! But the 32 y/o can't handle money (shocker!), drinks at least a twelve pack of Cokes every night she came up (you know you need your kidneys... right?), goes through three rolls of toilet paper every night (I'm clueless), uses an entire bar of soap every time she showers, and to top it off...... with the bathroom door wide open..... did #2. I know guys who have been married for 30 years and they have never seen this. Saying I was floored..... understatement. Creepy.... just too creepy.

But we were just FWB..... never said ILY, never spoke on a commitment. Just a couple nights a week, we would get together. I know she knew better, that was just her priorities. After around a couple months, she started bring some of her stuff up.... aka silent squatter. While she was getting ready in the bathroom or taking a shower and doing God only knows with the bar of soap.... I would put her "bring alongs" back in her overnight bag. She never meant any harm.... I never took advantage of her. Anything we did was a mutual agreement. 

When I saw her overnight bag had "I Live for Shoes" I could hear pop screaming "AVOID, AVOID, AVOID"... Gee pop.... the he!! you say! I wish her the best in life.... just don't include me. 

#3 from post #269..... Well....I can now say with complete clarity...CalGal was exactly what I told a few close friends she was....a poster child for co-dependency. When you step away from the clouds, it is so easy to see. But the way it went down, in the end was completely off the wall. Because I see a lot of guys in the LaD section and most are trying to date again....I want to post this occurrence in explicit detail. It will begin from last night.... and conclude this morning.

11PM I love you...goodnight sweet man. I hope u had a good night at work. xxx 
Me 1130PM what a freaking night......talk later. I love you baby 

..............All of these are before I awoke
At work...u working today?
How's xxx?
Hello???
I've got an appt coming....talk please? 
OK well talk when your ready...or leave me voicemail. We need to talk sometime...
You're
Oh and you forgot my books 
Tried to call you... 
I know you have seen each message but without response. Gotta say this does not feel like a relationship...I had a feeling this would happen...I was warned, my fault. Please bring my books back...I'll leave u alone...I've got self esteem and don't need a man to feel good about myself and thought you were smarter than this. I wanted to discuss this but now you'll never know. I can't stand the chain smoking and criticisms and I'll leave u be. If you think we're worth it, then I'll talk. I wanted to discuss this in person but can't even get u to talk. Its up to you now. U r ignoring me...I'm over that too. Don't play me, if u aren't serious, leave me alone. Take care. 

..............Isn't it great to wake up to schit like this! My reply:

Wow.....just WOW! By your actions, I do feel you have made the choice. It would have been appreciative to allow me to have taken part in the choice but.....it's never necessary. I woke up around 10, I taped Pittsburgh and watched it until 4 in the morning. I saw you had sent a few messages and I started coffee. They will be answered in order. 1-Don't work today. 2-xxx is slow to move around but seems in decent spirits. 3-I was under the impression we spoke yesterday and covered a few bases. 4-I had your books with me yesterday. 5-No I have not seen your messages, impossible when you are asleep and no cell phone. 6-You were warned about me? Really? 7-As someone who has some experience in psychology, yes you do appear to have relationship issues. 8-I would like to consider myself intelligent but....I'm sure there are several out there who would say otherwise. That's their problem, not mine. 9-Thought we had discussed things but yes, with this message, I guess I will not know. 10-You knew I smoked from day 1. As for chain smoking...I doubt that. 11-The criticisms...were they valid or observatory? I call things as they are but never criticized anyone you told me of. Maybe I ripped the government and the church....maybe even a few actions of my past loves. Big deal....you did a great deal more than I. But no...it did not bother me you have unresolved issues with your exs. By the way, you have unresolved conflicts with your fourth husband. Just my opinion. 12-Did we not speak yesterday? Your actions and verbiage clearly indicated we were doing okay. 13-I was under the impression we were doing great. Your last post to me last night would signify that. 

Now we get to the conclusion....in what way did I play you? I don't schit around the toilet rim, I aim straight ahead. For your actions to change from yesterday to this morning, without us exchanging anything but two romantic messages....tells me a lot. It also shows me your character when you defriend me and wipe out our relationship status. Not that I care two schits about FB but....those actions proved a great deal to how you think and act. I did not make one single action to deserve this. But your actions are....your choices. I think you just made the decision for both of us. I wish you great success in life and will drop the books off in your car this week. I will let you know what day and time, just have your car unlocked. I strongly recommend you seek individual counseling for your co-dependency issues. 

Game.....set.....match. As Conrad would say......... Next 

***NEW ENTRY*** #2 We met off of POF. Had a meet n greet. Went hiking next weekend (yes she saw the lake.... LOL). We had a few beers and it turned into confessions. Troubled past but... at this point, just friends. She was too drunk to drive, I took her keys. Mentioned we could watch an old B/W movie (she was two years older than I), my DVR is in my bedroom, she proceeded to go straight for.... under the covers. She spent the night, I told her before we even got to my place.... no sex on first date, maybe fool around but no sex. I kept my word, we fooled around but that was it, even though she wanted to go all the way but... drunk horny women have a tendency to not use good judgment.

Met next weekend..... showed her around the town, watched Varsity Blues, she had me do the scene where the teacher is a stripper and the fat guy says "10.... a fvcking 10" over and over (she isn't the first nor the last). We did have sex, got extremely kinky. After she left, I got under the weather. When I was better, she got sick. She wanted to spend 12 / 24 with me but she was still sick. She apologized, was going to cook ham, baked beans, mashed potatoes and bring some up. "No problem.... he!! if you're sick, you're sick." I sure as he!! wouldn't want a sick person around me when I watch It's a Wonderful Life.

We had plans for 12 / 31 but she became dismissive on it. Would not give me a definite answer. So I made other plans. Guess what happened yesterday....... -I think I can make it Thursday (tonight)-. "Sorry babe... I went ahead and made other plans." Then...... I get this from her on POF -Had a feeling you'd be on here. Always trust my instinct- 
I asked her to elaborate..... because I knew exactly where she was going. I get this..... " Im sorry....... Just having an off day. Thought things seemed different and then you're on pof. I assumed we'd work on things to get closer. But with you on pof, maybe you're looking for something better. If that's the case, just let me know. Ill understand. We're not officially a couple but I thought we had a connection. Just let me know if you feel different. Thought we were on the same page."

My reply Well..... ..... examine the last time I had sent you a POF message. And the last time you did. Wasn't it the 14th, almost a week after I sent my last message to you? I never opened it until yesterday. I was not even on POF until I was cleaning out outdated emails on POF (and saw your message), friends on FB, and university related emails. Now I did run a search just out of curiosity and did see that you were on POF yourself earlier that morning. I never said one thing about it. We were not in a committed relationship yet and as I stated, until we are, you are free to date. 
Several emails I did send were to others, explaining that I was seeing someone but it was not official yet. Most females back off then but still "chat" I guess to see where it ends. Some females still want to meet. There are two older women I have chatted with, one since the spring, we have never met. We never exchanged FB.... one I was not attracted to but she had issues with guys on POF, her marriage (exH) and dealing with her son (this is the one I have spoken to since the spring). The other... she has older parents with medical issues. We spoke a month before you and I met. 
As a matter of fact, I'd be glad to give you their POF handle. You can ask them yourself. The first night you were here, do you remember me telling you it was very wise to "Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past?"

She apologized and let me know she still wanted something with me. I let her know she virtually just decided things for us. She admitted she had trust issues from the past. I informed her she needs to rectify them before she tries to get into anything in the future, unless she wishes to repeat them. 

This girl was a "UG clone." I bet we would have been great together.... for about a year, 18 months. Then the mask comes off. Not going that route again.

And........ #1.... from post in GRD The Tow Truck Gal
A Date to Remember
________________________________________
I usually post in the LaD section but I'm not completely sure where this one would even go. I have been on some weird dates since November. This one.... well it is in my top three immediately. I will admit this date really never had potential before it started but I was curious about her from the phone chats we had leading up to the date. My doctorate 2B is in the psychology field so curiosity got the better of me.

We met at a country restaurant for home cooking (Southern thing). She walked out of her tow truck (doesn't tow but she just likes how it drives) sporting six pounds of make-up, fire engine red lipstick, bright yellow shirt and platinum blond hair. Before going in she wanted to show me her gun. I showed her my credentials (federal employee) and my weapon as well. 

While eating, these topics arose.....
1-Her family is buying up land around where they live because they can't stand people. Cell towers transmit subliminal messages..... Oddly though, her whole family has them (cell phones) hmmmm
2-She would draw pictures of people hanging from trees with a noose, with black cats under the dead body..... She was sent to have a psychological in school, didn't understand why..... Ummm I do
3-Her mom cooks a well balanced meal for her and the dogs, while she eats cat food and sardines..... "So.... do you have many suitors frequent your doorstep?"
4-"Momma don't like visitors, she'll run 'em off." Doubt that would require much effort
5-She had one LTR, she referred to him as Corporal Buttplug.... I didn't ask why
6-She hopes to see the return of the Roman Empire.... I just scratched my head
7-Her favorite movie is the Exorcist ...... I wasn't shocked at all
8-She works in a slaughterhouse and loves it. Blood doesn't faze her..... BTW we met on Match
9-Her dad lives away and resides semi-underground in a school bus and has considered this as well..... She is someone's dissertation in waiting
10-Her favorite band is Slayer..... by this time I'm almost starting to laugh. Her second favorite was Air Supply..... funny I felt like I was at work all of a sudden (I talk to BSC people)
11-She doesn't have cable hook-up in her room but it was okay, she watches DVDs. The same 50 DVDs over and over and over...... 
12-She did say she watches porn.... anime porn

I'll stop there. The last time I was on the dating scene was the first half of 1997. Minus a handful of dates between my D and my now x g/f. I guess dating and people have changed. In my early-mid 20s I dated women in the 35-44 group. They were exciting, fun to be around, grounded, matter of fact. The 35-44 group I have dated this time around...... not the same. One great thing... this girl doesn't have any kids (THANK GOD). She lives in the mountains (bet some guessed this by now) and I mentioned I would appreciate an email on Match to let me know she made it home safe. "Just listen to the trees, they will tell you." For some reason I wanted to hear "Shooting Star" from Bad Company.

My pop dealt with some strange cronies in his line of work. He would tell me about some of them. I would be in amazement. Too bad he is no longer here or his jaw would have dropped


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## Chuck71

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVJQZ16Da_A

PS-Stop after 3:00


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## Chuck71

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/333993-crossroads-iii-launch.html


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