# Husband left n didn't get me anything for my first mother's day



## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

Hi, My husband left for a job where the start date was his preference- he even revised it so that he could have a week off before going. (He lied to his boss and told him that his dad was having surgery that week when it was really like three weeks earlier). Anyways, I told him that he was leaving the day before my first Mother's Day and he didn't respond. He watched me buy my mom a gift and read a card that someone else got me. Then he left and didn't get me anything. Even when he called he didn't say Happy Mother's Day until our third conversation when he started yelling at me for somethng and then sneered at the end "Happy Mother's Day" He didn't get me anything for our anniversary a month and a half ago and we got into an arguement cause I told him htat it hurt that he didn't get me anything. Yes, we had fought a day before he left, but we had made up. So, there are alot of problems but am I overblowing this? Should I care that he doesn't get me anything? 
Yes, later he always apologizes, etc, but really he has to be doing this on purpose.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No you are not blowing this out of proportion. These are things that are important to you so as your husband he should make the effort to acknowledge your birthday, mothers day, anniversary, etc.

It sounds like your husband is angry about things and is punishing you.

How do you celebrate his birthday & father's day?


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

I always go out of my way to make his B-day nice. He thanked me for it this year. Father's Day hasn't come yet. Yes, I think he is passive aggressive. When he goes out of town, he knows that I get a little lonely for the first few days he is gone. So he will talk to me once, then shut off his phone. I always call and email him and ask why he isn't responding, etc. so pathetic, I know. But, I know now that he does it on purpose. This time I told him that I had to take our son to the doctor and that they told me to take him to the ER if he continued to cry. He told me to call him if anything happened and he still didn't put minutes on his phone!! 
Anyways, he does alot of other things like not want to have sex and say that he is going to do things and then doesn't and is always late, etc. So that must be what it is.


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

venuslove said:


> I always go out of my way to make his B-day nice. He thanked me for it this year. Father's Day hasn't come yet. Yes, I think he is passive aggressive. When he goes out of town, he knows that I get a little lonely for the first few days he is gone. So he will talk to me once, then shut off his phone. I always call and email him and ask why he isn't responding, etc. so pathetic, I know. But, I know now that he does it on purpose. This time I told him that I had to take our son to the doctor and that they told me to take him to the ER if he continued to cry. He told me to call him if anything happened and he still didn't put minutes on his phone!!
> 
> Anyways, he does alot of other things like not want to have sex and say that he is going to do things and then doesn't and is always late, etc. So that must be what it is.


How is your sex life? Has it cut way back and is your husband upset about it?

You would be well served to start doing a 180… what I mean by that is to start acting completely different (180 degrees different) than you have been. Here are some examples.

When you talk to him be cheerful, even bubbly. 

Be busy. Have things to do like places you will take your baby. Go out with friends, etc.

Call him about half or less than you do right now. Let him wonder why you are not calling him
Do not celebrate father’s day… don’t act angry about it, just be busy. If he brings it up just say a quick happy father’s day. You don’t have to do this forever. But treat him as he treats you on these days (I did this with my husband, it took a while for it to sink into him.. that he would not have those fun days if I did not get them.)

A book that would help you is _*Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again*, Michele Weiner-Davis_.It talks quite a bit about how one person can turn their marriage around and how to do a good 180.


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

Wow. That sounds great! I can't believe you actually gave me something to work on. In 7 months of therapy nobody has given me a plan What am I paying these people for? Thank you!! Really hope it works


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

venuslove said:


> Wow. That sounds great! I can't believe you actually gave me something to work on. In 7 months of therapy nobody has given me a plan What am I paying these people for? Thank you!! Really hope it works


Just sharing with you what has helped me.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

EleGirl is full of wonderful wisdom  She's helped me put a lot of things into perspective 

Yes, it definitely sounds like he is passive aggressive, (as my husband is as well). First thing to remember about PA's is: you will never "win" so removing that goal and motive is important. They will always secretly punish and manipulate you... Doing a 180 is best - you can learn to detach yourself when he is trying his best to hurt you - and in detaching, you take away his *power*.

Honestly, that was really sh!tty of him to treat you that way on your first Mother's Day... I'm sorry about that. Being a mom is tough work, (I'm only 6 weeks in, but it is all-consuming!) He should be acknowledging you and all you do on this day. It's sad that he's apparently so self-involved that he couldn't do something nice... Hell, even write a little letter or note... But that's how passive aggressives are...

Happy (belated) Mother's Day!!! Don't let him under your skin and take EleGirl's advice!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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