# strained relationship



## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

My husband and I have a strained relatinship lately ... he travels a lot and we hardly resolve our issues. He comes back from trips and we restart anew but go into the pit within couple of days ...


My husband keeps insisting that he cares the same, its all in my head --- 2days back on my B'day he wished me and was pleasant to me in the afternoon we went our usual weekend place with our son to have lunch ... picked up our daughter from her friends place ... my kids 7 and 10 and my husband continued to going on with the day in a usual manner by 7pm I was sitting alone and crying silently ... my husband noticed something about my manner --- he went to my kids room and asked them to make cards for me. While I was cooking dinner he told me he will go to get a cake for me.....

Anyways it made me sad --- do you think I expect too much or is it normal .... I am married for 12yrs


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

marlee said:


> My husband and I have a strained relatinship lately ... he travels a lot and we hardly resolve our issues. He comes back from trips and we restart anew but go into the pit within couple of days ...
> 
> 
> My husband keeps insisting that he cares the same, its all in my head --- 2days back on my B'day he wished me and was pleasant to me in the afternoon we went our usual weekend place with our son to have lunch ... picked up our daughter from her friends place ... my kids 7 and 10 and my husband continued to going on with the day in a usual manner by 7pm I was sitting alone and crying silently ... my husband noticed something about my manner --- he went to my kids room and asked them to make cards for me. While I was cooking dinner he told me he will go to get a cake for me.....
> ...



I take it you do not have a large family and/or are close to them or many friends? and while he is gone he does not call daily? or at least a few times a week? There are many groups in most communities you can join to make friends...

where you can meet other moms, which could maybe help some ?
If you expect too much attention from your husband... only you know the answer to that... in your heart, you know the answer.


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

I am a working mom ....


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

And yes we do not have our family close to us


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

I am also a very private person this is my first time in a forum ....and at work I am in a very young enviroment where I cannot discuss my marriage problems with any one...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

my husband works a lot too and I have joined some local groups where I met people to do things I enjoy with....
( hobby based)

you know all marriages, no matter how wonderful... the honeymoon phase ends.

being you are private, you still need friends, which it seems your going to have to make outside work.

ps... marriage does not cure lonliness... never has, never will.


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

Thats why I am here as a begining ....

Loneliness .... with a spouse. 

I feel like he is a stranger/very strong critic - other than having kids we have nothing in common ...and everything I do is scrutinised and criticised


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

Honey moon phase never came or started and constantly he promised to make changes but he just doesn't get any emotions...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Some men are not romantic... and all people show affection in different ways... it's possible he is a good husband but he does not show you affection as it would please YOU !
That is something you can work to understand, there are books on that topic ( language of love)

You really need to seek to make friends in your area, it will help you very much. I don't care how private a person you are, we all need friends and you should try at least to get together with some group ( maybe hobby based, or special interest based ) for a hour or two every week ( at least) so you can make some...
it will help you very much to not feel so lonley if your connected with others and doing things you enjoy and things for others.

Some people are not very affectionate and maybe your husband is like that... he cannot be everything.

It would also help very much too, if you took some time to strengthen your spirituality for times your feeling overwelmed and upset, that you have a strong center and core to fall upon which will not let you down. People who have a strong spiritual center 
have a deeper understanding to things and can cope far better than those who don't..

unless you just want out of the marriage, then nothing is going to sound appealing as your minds made up and your only seeking ways and reasons to divorce.

I want to add, my husband works a lot too and I have gotten busy doing things on my own and it has helped. I also do not live near family.


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## marlee (Jun 22, 2009)

Thank you Preso, for your sound advise ... It makes me feel a lot more positive.

You had my pulse there ....

Cheers


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Here is something I've done which helped a lot !

I got my dog into pet therapy and go visit the local nursing homes
a few times a month ( go to 3 of them, each about 1 x a month)
only for a hour

when you leave you feel very blessed for one...
and also good in that you brought joy to someone in such a way that you could.
Also got into some scrapbooking, a club in my area of other women and its nice and easy, no pressure. Whatever your hobbies or interests are, there are always others who share them.

Marriage does not cure lonliness and if you expect your spouse to cure it, you will be sadly let down as no person can fill all our needs.
Doing things for others and feeling a part of your world and community is something that will really help you.
All you have to do is give it a chance.


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