# Frustrated



## I'm That Guy (Aug 23, 2010)

I've been separated for a little over a month and have learned a heck of a lot about... well... myself. Mostly how being stubborn, cold and unsupportive has landed me in my current predicament. We were in marriage counseling before the "I want a divorce... I love you but am not in love with you" speech. I am confident that there is nobody else.
I never wanted to lose her but her walking away was potentially the best thing to ever happen to our marriage. I just hope she realizes there is more to gain by reconsiling than continuing on the path to divorce before I am in a frame of mind that would allow me to move on. We have a child and I had been very hands off with home chores and family participation. I realize now what I had and what I still have and I'm spending the required time to make it up to my son on my days with him. I feel I've changed but I need more time alone to set it in stone and make it habit. That said, every moment in that empty house is agonizing. Depression and suicidal thoughts love to creep in on me on my worst days.
This is enlightening, hope inspiring, depressing, irritating, confusing and humanizing all at the same time. What I thought I wanted for my life has turned out to be a whole lot less important than I once thought. Things that threatened my Peter Pan complex are now very appealing. Think Indianna Jones -vs- Clark Griswald. I want the family thing (now.)
I want hope like it was water in Death Valley but I know that what I need is more time in 7734 to strengthen my resolve to change.

There seems to be an abundance of females here.... I'm looking for someone who might be going through something similar to her (for perspective)... I'm learning to listen to things I don't think I want to hear. So, let 'er rip.


----------



## I'm That Guy (Aug 23, 2010)

Don't be afraid to post if you don't fit the demographic I said I wanted to hear from. All constructive comments are welcome.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

So how long have you been seperated? You know you might want to make changes for your sake and your childs sake.

It might take your W a while to believe the changes you made are real. Women usually think about leaving for a while b4 doing it. 

So if these changes are all of a week old dont b surprised if the wife doesnt put stock in the fact that they are real.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Man, you're in a bad spot. I know it seems as if nobody on earth understands the pain you're feeling. Truth is, lots of us do. Lots of guys spend this time being bitter and showing hostility. You've wisely looked inside yourself and began to work on "you". I know you sometimes think about checking out. Your son doesn't need you dead but he does need you alive. Checking out is always easy but living can be tough sometimes. It does get better. I absolutely promise. Had I taken the tempting easy way out, I wouldn't have my youngest daughter. She wouldn't even exist. God will come get you in His own time. Till then, there are loads of surprises waiting ahead and a bunch of them are just too good to miss. 
If this separation or divorce makes you a better man, the pain is worth it. Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps you can work things out with your wife. Even if you can't, you can be the great dad your son deserves. Please hang in there and if those suicidal thoughts get too vivid, get some help. What you're feeling is normal but it's also dangerous. BTW, alcohol just makes it worse.


----------



## I'm That Guy (Aug 23, 2010)

Thanks for the replies. 
Brewer, its been a little over a month.
unbelievable,
Thanks. The depression is a beast but has improved. I'm seeing at least one counselor a week and have surrounded myself with friends and family. More so when times are toughest. I have faced this thing head on from the beginning and it has been extremely hard. I'm not only facing a separation I'm battling my own demons too. As both of you touched on I'm working on me for me but it helps to know what direction you're headed. I have been given some hope by my wife and that's all I needed. I'm taking this time for self improvement in every facet of my life from home to work to friendships. They all seem to have one person in common and that guy wants to be a better father, husband, friend and worker than he ever thought possible.
As I said in the first post this has had some good come of it. It has been a wake up call. The only thing I've not been doing that I'd like to be is to have the motivation to get off my fourth point of contact and start exercising again. That has a lot of power over mood and energy level.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

I'm That Guy said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> Brewer, its been a little over a month.
> unbelievable,
> Thanks. The depression is a beast but has improved. I'm seeing at least one counselor a week and have surrounded myself with friends and family. More so when times are toughest. I have faced this thing head on from the beginning and it has been extremely hard. I'm not only facing a separation I'm battling my own demons too. As both of you touched on I'm working on me for me but it helps to know what direction you're headed. I have been given some hope by my wife and that's all I needed. I'm taking this time for self improvement in every facet of my life from home to work to friendships. They all seem to have one person in common and that guy wants to be a better father, husband, friend and worker than he ever thought possible.
> ...


OK that is great, and bro I know all about the demon called depression. Heres the deal, IMO the change has to be motivated by you doing it for and your child. 

If you are only trying to change to get your wife back then the change wont be real and you will find yourself back in this situation again. 

No matter what happens you will always have your child, and any personal growth that happens will benefit you. Not that im saying your wife wont come back, I hope she does but the changes need to be for yourself and your child.


----------



## I'm That Guy (Aug 23, 2010)

I get that. This is not my first time staring divorce in the face. I was married once before. One cannot help but wonder and hopefully face why they have failed twice. That goes back to the common element that is present in both relationships. I agree with you on doing it for me but to do it for my son is still doing it for someone else. I'm making changes for the relationship I want to have with my son... And it seems to have a reward of instant gratification. My son is excited about spending time with me and I love that! He's just a toddler and remembers the things we did a week or two ago. that is its own reward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

