# she cheated after 22 years



## flabergasted (Jan 12, 2014)

I found out this week my wife has been sleeping with another man for the past 5 months. we were high school sweethearts. have been happily (I thought) married for the last 22 years. 
we have 2 children, an adolescent boy and older teen daughter. she appears to be devastated and is trying desperately to keep me from divorcing her. I have been a wonderful (not perfect) husband. Provide very well for our family. I have always been 100% faithful. 

I don't know if I want to keep the relationship after this. Prior to this she was the love of my life, and now I am afraid I will always have images of her and the other man in my mind.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

flabergasted said:


> I found out this week my wife has been sleeping with another man for the past 5 months. we were high school sweethearts. have been happily (I thought) married for the last 22 years.
> we have 2 children, an adolescent boy and older teen daughter. she appears to be devastated and is trying desperately to keep me from divorcing her.  I have been a wonderful (not perfect) husband. Provide very well for our family. I have always been 100% faithful.
> 
> I don't know if I want to keep the relationship after this. *Prior to this she was the love of my life, and now I am afraid I will always have images of her and the other man in my mind.*



Yes. Yes, you will. The images (and mind movies) will stay with you forever.

Now that the whole decision is yours, take your time. Dont reconcile for the kids. They are old enough to understand what's going on and deal with any changes. You just need to love them and show it.

I take it you're still fairly young. Explore your options thoroughly.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

flabergasted said:


> I don't know if I want to keep the relationship after this. Prior to this she was the love of my life, and now I am afraid I will always have images of her and the other man in my mind.


Hi flabergasted, I am sorry that you found yourself in this situations.

is normal to feel in a rollercoster of emotions, let me give you this link:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

the first two pages will help you to understand terminology and situations related to infidelity, also describe many of the stages you will go through.

Now there are many questions here, first and most important, what do you want to do?, do you want to try reconcilation or for you infidelity is a deal breaker and you dont see yourself giving her a second chance.

you have to be honest with yourself here, trying reconcilation for reasons as:

- the family (parents, simblings) are presuring me to R
- my pastor is telling me that is the christian/catholic thing to do
- I will R just for the kids.

is wrong, and could easily end in the both of you resenting each other more to the point where a civil coparenting will not be even possible

reconcilation has to be done because the BS feels that the happines, good times and joy that the WS will bring in to his/her life will overcome the pain they caused, but if the WS is unremorseful or the BS simply realize that he/she will never overcome the betrayal, the the more healthy for all the family is separation.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Take time to figure out what you want. It takes a long while to come to terms with. I don't think you ever totally get over it.

I reconciled for my kids sake, and don't regret it, but they were younger.


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