# Is anal sex a norm ?



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I read through threads here n I see that different people have different values , sex preferences , morals , and views .

I wonder if most women do anal sex ?

N if most men like n do anal sex on the women ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think it is very common but done enough not to be considered abnormal.

Mrs. Conan is not interested and I have never even wanted to.

If I was with someone that liked it or wanted to try, I would of course do it for them and give it my all.

I'm a generous lover. Who knows. Maybe I would like it but to date, I haven't done it and have no interest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think I'd like an 8x6 up my wazoo either.

I think it is a very specific taste.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I actually researched this for a debate I was having. As of 2009, about 46% of women have engaged in anal sex at some point.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> I actually researched this for a debate I was having. As of 2009, about 46% of women have engaged in anal sex at some point.


WOW! Didn't know that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anal sex used to be pretty rare. However, porn had let many to think that it's something that everyone does. So I think this is diving up the numbers of people who engage in anal sex.

Different sites give different numbers for the percentage of women who engage in anal sex. The ones I've read put it at 30%. clearly the population polled would make a difference in the data and thus the number.

Why are you asking? Any particular reason?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

When I was young, anal sex was called sodomy and forbidden in most places. Then again so was oral sex. When it first appeared in porn videos, the female stars demanded and were paid, extra money for doing anal sex. Now it seems it is part of almost every porn video made. My wife engaged in anal sex regularly. In fact, she preferred it due to problems with her vagina and cervix which caused her pain. out of about 15 other women, only one other had anal sex with me. Two asked me to do it with them for the first time. The first one could not relax so we gave up. I did not want to go through that again with the second one. One woman told me she would never do it because it was the way gay men had sex. I reminded her that they also have oral sex and kiss, two things she enjoyed doing.

Times have changed. I read that young people will do anal to avoid any chance of pregnancy. I was having regular intercourse when I was 15 so if they are going to have sex, that it a good way to avoid pregnancy but not STD's. From my long viewpoint, anal sex has gone mainstream and the old laws against it have been erased from the books.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Anal sex used to be pretty rare. However, porn had let many to think that it's something that everyone does. So I think this is diving up the numbers of people who engage in anal sex.
> 
> Different sites give different numbers for the percentage of women who engage in anal sex. The ones I've read put it at 30%. clearly the population polled would make a difference in the data and thus the number.
> 
> Why are you asking? Any particular reason?


I'm betting the percentage of women who have tried it is significantly larger than the women who enjoy it enough to keep doing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I'm betting the percentage of women who have tried it is significantly larger than the women who enjoy it enough to keep doing it.


Absolutely.

It can be good but when it goes bad, it can cause serious health problems


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## Me Vietare (Nov 26, 2014)

My wife sh!ts on me all the time and calls me an azzhole. Is that what you mean?


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

I like women,does that make me a lesbian?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Anal sex used to be pretty rare. However, porn had let many to think that it's something that everyone does. So I think this is diving up the numbers of people who engage in anal sex.
> 
> Different sites give different numbers for the percentage of women who engage in anal sex. The ones I've read put it at 30%. clearly the population polled would make a difference in the data and thus the number.
> 
> Why are you asking? Any particular reason?


Anal sex may have been fairly rare in more recent times, but historically anal sex has been practiced regularly. Roman and Greek men and women had anal sex regularly in order to avoid getting pregnant.
I think it is an act whose popularity has ebbed and flowed. Currently it is gaining in popularity as it has become more well publicized and as has been mentioned, many young people do not consider anal or oral sex as sex acts (despite the obvious fallacy of that)


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Anal sex used to be pretty rare. However, porn had let many to think that it's something that everyone does. So I think this is diving up the numbers of people who engage in anal sex.
> 
> Different sites give different numbers for the percentage of women who engage in anal sex. The ones I've read put it at 30%. *clearly the population polled would make a difference in the data and thus the number.*
> 
> Why are you asking? Any particular reason?


Very true. I'm sure the % would be different if you ask people in NYC and then ask people in, say, Shanghai or Marrakesh.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sorry! But no "poop-chute" sex for Ol' Arb, thank you, Ma'am! 

I really can't quite think of anything less aesthetically appealing!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Very true. I'm sure the % would be different if you ask people in NYC and then ask people in, say, Shanghai or Marrakesh.


*Makes one wonder if Donald Trump would approve!

That may be why his hair is the way it is!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

What does it really matter? If it is something you want to do then do it, if it isn't then don't be pushed into it.

We do it on occasion. I don't care if it is the norm or not.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I have tried it twice. I didn't like it the first time, but since everyone makes a big deal about it. I figured maybe I should give it another shot. Its definitely not for me.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Anal sex used to be pretty rare. However, porn had let many to think that it's something that everyone does. So I think this is diving up the numbers of people who engage in anal sex.
> 
> Different sites give different numbers for the percentage of women who engage in anal sex. The ones I've read put it at 30%. clearly the population polled would make a difference in the data and thus the number.
> 
> Why are you asking? Any particular reason?


I think the different percentages are due to the fact that the surveys are done in different countries and different sample groups .

I asked because my ex tried to explore my anus sometime before the divorce n all the craziness at home n I had wondered if it is due to his porn addiction or had he cheated . not that it matter now . however , going forward , if I have a bf , I wonder if anal sex is going to be a concern for me . there is a Caucasian man who may be the potential candidate for the bf role and I had wondered if most white men would want anal sex . btw i am asian chinese . I don't do anal , it would hurt . religion is another factor as that is sodomy to me . 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *No "poop-chute" sex for Ol' Arb, thank you, Ma'am! I really can't quite think of anything less aesthetically appealing!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed . can't imagine a man pulling out his penis full of my poop n smelling like poop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This whole thread just touched bottom as far as I am concerned.

I am SO sorry! I couldn't resist that! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Tried it once 35 years ago- it was after a halloween party and H and I were both rather blotto-I was dressed as a cat and H was dressed as a nurse. Quite the ridiculous visual! Anyway we never did it again so I don't think we liked it …


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

nursejackie said:


> Tried it once 35 years ago- it was after a halloween party and H and I were both rather blotto-I was dressed as a cat and H was dressed as a nurse. Quite the ridiculous visual! Anyway we never did it again so I don't think we liked it …


I have never done it but would be willing to try. Don't think it is my wife's thing though, so unlikely
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Have never tried it and have no desire to. I have heard it's painful. I don't know why a women would find it enjoyable as she wouldn't have an orgasm because her spot isn't in the back. I'm not sure why a man would find it enjoyable because it would feel like you were having sex with a man. Thankfully my husband has no desire to try it for that reason.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Have never tried it and have no desire to. I have heard it's painful. I don't know why a women would find it enjoyable as she wouldn't have an orgasm because her spot isn't in the back. I'm not sure why a man would find it enjoyable because it would feel like you were having sex with a man. Thankfully my husband has no desire to try it for that reason.


That makes sense. I would be willing to try for the curiosity factor bt not bc I expect great results
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

tripad said:


> I think the different percentages are due to the fact that the surveys are done in different countries and different sample groups .
> 
> I asked because my ex tried to explore my anus sometime before the divorce n all the craziness at home n I had wondered if it is due to his porn addiction or had he cheated . not that it matter now . however , going forward , if I have a bf , I wonder if anal sex is going to be a concern for me . there is a Caucasian man who may be the potential candidate for the bf role and I had wondered if most white men would want anal sex . btw i am asian chinese . I don't do anal , it would hurt . religion is another factor as that is sodomy to me .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


???? Seriously???
Is anal a white thing? This gave me the giggles!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Never tried it, not sure about my H though (but not with me, he never asked either!) but I know it wouldn't appeal to me at all! Poop shute and all that!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Never tried it. Never will. Not my thing at all.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Have never tried it and have no desire to. I have heard it's painful. I don't know why a women would find it enjoyable as she wouldn't have an orgasm because her spot isn't in the back. I'm not sure why a man would find it enjoyable because it would feel like you were having sex with a man. Thankfully my husband has no desire to try it for that reason.


It isn't painful if you take time and use lots of lube.

I find it enjoyable bc he likes it. He is the most giving lover so I want to be able to do things for him that are about him.

It has nothing to do with being similar to having sex with a man. He loves, loves, loves my arse, can't keep his hands off it. If he enjoys the view from behind then all power to him. Personally I think my arse is fat but hey I don't have to look at it.

But each to their own, this is just my experience and POV, not suggesting anyone do anything they don't want to.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

every women iv'e been with has done it and liked it a lot except for maybe one it's no big deal really.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I once cleaned my wife after she had a medical enema.
She is very pretty everywhere. So it's a nice place.

But I have no interest for sodomy. So will never bother asking about it.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

breeze said:


> "It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance."


Rarely has there been a sig quote more applicable to the thread in which it appears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I do feel a need to do a public service on this thread. Ladies, if you're giving your man a BJ. Do NOT "surprise him" by sticking a finger in him at the same time. Not cool! Yes, I know this is TMI, but I have had it happen to me twice and I did not appreciate it. You should at least ask a guy first. Geez.... Ok....end of rant


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Phil Anders said:


> Rarely has there been a sig quote more applicable to the thread in which it appears.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it's also quite possible to make a decision on something without doing it or researching it to the full extent possible when the possible benefits would unlikely bring a worthwhile return on investment. Initially being mocked with my own sig for such a personal decision made me feel violated enough to remove my post, but after I think about it, I'm okay with being ignorant in this.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> ???? Seriously???
> Is anal a white thing? This gave me the giggles!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just that the cultural difference n sexual openness may find anal sex more acceptable .

Not meant to be a racist remarks .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

tripad said:


> I think the different percentages are due to the fact that the surveys are done in different countries and different sample groups .
> 
> I asked because my ex tried to explore my anus sometime before the divorce n all the craziness at home n I had wondered if it is due to his porn addiction or had he cheated . not that it matter now . however , going forward , if I have a bf , I wonder if anal sex is going to be a concern for me . there is a Caucasian man who may be the potential candidate for the bf role and I had wondered if most white men would want anal sex . btw i am asian chinese . I don't do anal , it would hurt . religion is another factor as that is sodomy to me .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


then don't do it. just state flatly when the timing is right that you don't do it. never did, never will. that will separate the wheat from the chaff.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> This whole thread just touched bottom as far as I am concerned.
> 
> I am SO sorry! I couldn't resist that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't get the joke here .

Care to explain .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Phil Anders said:


> Rarely has there been a sig quote more applicable to the thread in which it appears.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Asking a genuine questions . 

Don't know why you answer this way .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

not racist to discuss cultural differences. it may be that western (mostly white) culture considers itself sexually liberated and bored with more conventional sex.
popular fiction, porn, hollywood and avant garde culture has been trying to push boundaries on lots of stuff for decades.
it may be that 'white' culture likes to think it's at the cutting edge of sex of the 'sexual revolution' and wants to push the boundaries more than other cultures.

now i don't know this is true, because i haven't done any research, but the fact that you think it might be indicates it possibly is.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> then don't do it. just state flatly when the timing is right that you don't do it. never did, never will. that will separate the wheat from the chaff.


Your reply is probably " the answer " to my concerns .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> not racist to discuss cultural differences. it may be that western (mostly white) culture considers itself sexually liberated and bored with more conventional sex.
> popular fiction, porn, hollywood and avant garde culture has been trying to push boundaries on lots of stuff for decades.
> it may be that 'white' culture likes to think it's at the cutting edge of sex of the 'sexual revolution' and wants to push the boundaries more than other cultures.
> 
> now i don't know this is true, because i haven't done any research, but the fact that you think it might be indicates it possibly is.


Yes I believe that we are culturally different . but perhaps I am old school n traditional . the younger generations I realize are very "westernized n liberal " so they may experience less cultural or sexual differences .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
some people (men and women, giving and receiving) enjoy it, some don't. I consider it in a somewhat different category than most sex acts because receiving anal is very painful for some people, so no one should ever feel pressured to do it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

tripad said:


> Your reply is probably " the answer " to my concerns .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i happen to be 'old school', meaning when it comes to intimacy and sex, i always defer to the woman to set the pace and set boundaries.
if she doesn't like something, i don't do it. i can't stand pushy guys.

if she's not willing to do anything, i can respect her and move on. luckily i married a wife that's a perfect fit.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> i happen to be 'old school', meaning when it comes to intimacy and sex, i always defer to the woman to set the pace and set boundaries.
> if she doesn't like something, i don't do it. i can't stand pushy guys.
> 
> if she's not willing to do anything, i can respect her and move on. luckily i married a wife that's a perfect fit.


Hope I will not face a anal issue when the time comes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Everyone has their tastes. Its something that shouldn't be demanded of course.

But when I think of anal sex, I think of this music video:
https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I'm a man and it doesn't do anything for me. I think any man who finds it essential is very strange, although of course that is his right.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

I have also read a couple studies about sexual practices. Within those studies, 30% of women reported receiving a P in the A. I'd be very much interested in trying it with my wife, though she thinks the idea of it is gross. We've had the conversation twice in a few years. I think I'll be alright if we don't have it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

tripad said:


> Hope I will not face a anal issue when the time comes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honestly, tripad, I think you're putting the horse before the cart here. You're worrying about something that may never even happen. As evidenced here, there are plenty of western guys that aren't into anal, and never will be. So you may never find yourself with a man who's into it--hence, you're worrying about nothing. If you find a guy who IS into it, and you're not, you just tell him, dude, I'm not going in that direction. If he's ok with that and is into you, he'll stick around. If he's not OK with it, and hits the road, then he's not the right man for you anyway.

You're not losing anything when someone who is a bad fit for you walks away. And someone who wants something different than you sexually is a bad fit.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

JoeHenderson said:


> I have also read a couple studies about sexual practices. Within those studies, 30% of women reported receiving a P in the A. I'd be very much interested in trying it with my wife, though she thinks the idea of it is gross. We've had the conversation twice in a few years. I think I'll be alright if we don't have it.


You will have to be alright with not having it if she doesn't want it. I notice it's the men here who mention wanting to have it, why because it's the men who get pleasure out of it, the women get the pain. Would the men here who would like to try it like it if their wives to put on a strap on and do anal sex to them? I'm guessing not.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tripad said:


> Don't get the joke here .
> 
> Care to explain .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! Sorry! Another joke that didn't make the transition from the British Isles. 

Bottom in the UK means one's rear. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Happilymarried25 said:


> You will have to be alright with not having it if she doesn't want it. I notice it's the men here who mention wanting to have it, why because it's the men who get pleasure out of it, the women get the pain. Would the men here who would like to try it like it if their wives to put on a strap on and do anal sex to them? I'm guessing not.



Some women also get the pleasure. I totally understand that I have to be alright with it. I'm in no way trying to force her into something she doesn't want to do. 

To answer your question, I agree that most men wouldn't consider the strap on. That said, I would.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

It's should be all about what you are comfortable doing and willing to try. However, it seems like anal sex is getting to be the new norm for the younger set. My daughter was telling me some kid ask in HS sex ed class if anal was ok and would you still be a virgin. The things kids are talking about nowadays. 

When you meet that someone special just be yourself. Don't do anything you don't want to. Anyone who forces the issue just be reconsidered as BF material.

Don't worry too much about this.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Some of these replies are OTT. Why such an adverse reaction to something you are not going to do anyway? It is simple, if you don't want to do it then don't.
This thread sounds like an old gay debate, people that are never going to do it are outraged by what others do. Now there is some small mindedness.

Pain, no.
sh.it, no.
Men that want it are strange, no.

OP honestly you are worrying about nothing. If he is a decent man and you tell him it is not for you then there is no issue. If he is a pig and won't accept a no, then move on.
FWIW my partner mentioned it in one of our first sex talks, well before we were an exclusive couple. I said no, it was not something I would ever do. He accepted that and moved on with the discussion. 2 years later I approached him with the idea of trying anal. It would never have happened in our home if I didn't suggest it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> Some of these replies are OTT. Why such an adverse reaction to something you are not going to do anyway? It is simple, if you don't want to do it then don't.
> This thread sounds like an old gay debate, people that are never going to do it are outraged by what others do. Now there is some small mindedness.
> 
> Pain, no.
> ...


When it came up in our sex talks early on, I told my wife I never really had any interest in it. No inherent aversion to it, but no burning desire for it either. It was my wife that brought it up later and pushed the idea.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Honestly, tripad, I think you're putting the horse before the cart here. You're worrying about something that may never even happen. As evidenced here, there are plenty of western guys that aren't into anal, and never will be. So you may never find yourself with a man who's into it--hence, you're worrying about nothing. If you find a guy who IS into it, and you're not, you just tell him, dude, I'm not going in that direction. If he's ok with that and is into you, he'll stick around. If he's not OK with it, and hits the road, then he's not the right man for you anyway.
> 
> You're not losing anything when someone who is a bad fit for you walks away. And someone who wants something different than you sexually is a bad fit.


I am a worry captain , 😑 , or I like to call myself a planner . 

Think 10 steps before anything .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Ha! Sorry! Another joke that didn't make the transition from the British Isles.
> 
> Bottom in the UK means one's rear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It did cross the isle. I know bottom means rear / butt . 
Sorry didn't catch the joke . now I guess it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

JoeHenderson said:


> Some women also get the pleasure. I totally understand that I have to be alright with it. I'm in no way trying to force her into something she doesn't want to do.
> 
> To answer your question, I agree that most men wouldn't consider the strap on. That said, I would.


There is an old joke about a man asking a woman to try anal and her telling him she would let him give her anal if he received it first. Of course, he doesn't. But, as any Dan Savage fan knows, pegging is fairly mainstream now. I can't go into an adult store without seeing many strap ons specifically designed for women to wear with men. 

Good on you for being willing to try it. Apparently, prostate stimulation leads to mind blowing orgasm for some men.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> It's should be all about what you are comfortable doing and willing to try. However, it seems like anal sex is getting to be the new norm for the younger set. My daughter was telling me some kid ask in HS sex ed class if anal was ok and would you still be a virgin. The things kids are talking about nowadays.
> 
> *When you meet that someone special just be yourself. Don't do anything you don't want to. * Anyone who forces the issue just be reconsidered as BF material.
> 
> Don't worry too much about this.


So simple and so sweet.

That is the heart of what I wish we could teach every young man and woman to truly believe


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

OliviaG said:


> Pain and the smell of sh!t have never figured prominently in my sexual fantasies. I would not be with someone who wanted anal. Even if he suggested it and was willing to accept a hard no from me, he would have turned me off irrevocably just with the suggestion. No coming back from that. I don't want a guy who is remotely interested in it.


And that's totally cool. I respect your position. That said, I would hope that someone who takes your position would be able to say "no" without shaming the other person for their preferences or fantasies. 
The first time I brought it up, my wife really shamed me for even having the curiosity. Shaming doesn't lend itself well to openness and communication in or out of the bedroom.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> There is an old joke about a man asking a woman to try anal and her telling him she would let him give her anal if he received it first. Of course, he doesn't. But, as any Dan Savage fan knows, pegging is fairly mainstream now. I can't go into an adult store without seeing many strap ons specifically designed for women to wear with men.
> 
> Good on you for being willing to try it. Apparently, prostate stimulation leads to mind blowing orgasm for some men.


Thanks. You know I'd be fairly open minded to trying different things with my wife. I've tried prostate stimulation because I heard about mind blowing orgasms. It was neither amazing or painful, just meh.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

JoeHenderson said:


> And that's totally cool. I respect your position. That said, I would hope that someone who takes your position would be able to say "no" without shaming the other person for their preferences or fantasies.
> The first time I brought it up, my wife really shamed me for even having the curiosity. Shaming doesn't lend itself well to openness and communication in or out of the bedroom.


I very much agree with this statement Joe and I'll add that acceptance is a two-way street. Not claiming you did this but it's just as important to accept a 'No' graciously without pushing for a 'why'.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Lila said:


> I very much agree with this statement Joe and I'll add that acceptance is a two-way street. Not claiming you did this but it's just as important to accept a 'No' graciously without pushing for a 'why'.


Absolutely. To add to that, one of my biggest "really, dude!?" moments is when someone starts a topic on here like "How can I _get_ my wife to do..."


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> Well, my knee-jerk reaction would be one of disgust. I would try to hide this so as not to shame him (shaming would not be what I was trying to accomplish), but it all depends on how great an actress I am. I fear he'd probably get at least a glimpse of my reaction before I was able to stifle it. I would not be able to help it though.


That's a little bit different then what you wrote in post #52.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> In post 52 I stated the unvarnished truth. This is what I'd be trying to hide at the time he suggested anal. I really would not want to shame.
> 
> But the thing is, my desire for the guy would die there. It would be over, I just know it. I wouldn't tell him that at the time, but it would be.
> 
> I have a feeling you're going to ask me if I'd leave a long-term relationship over it? Answer: probably not. But it would make me sick to my stomach knowing he even thought about it, and would make it very difficult for me to enjoy sex with him. Would I ever get over it? I have no idea. I hope I don't have to find out the hard way.


I think every thing has to be in context. If you have an amazing husband who happens to suggest say anal I would imagine you would tell him that's a turn off for you and a no go. End of discussion. To allow something like that to ruin a marriage, to me seems really extreme. But on the other hand if he does not respect your boundaries I can see your point.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think its worth making an effort to rethink your reaction. People enjoy a wide variety of sexual activities - and different people have different ideas of what they want to do. 

For example, my wife sometimes really enjoys anal, and often enjoys a little stimulation in back along with other things. OTOH, she is utterly disgusted by giving a BJ. For other women a BJ is a completely normal part of sex, but anal is disgusting. 

Some people like being tied up and spanked. Or having their partner eat food off of the (which is yuck to me). Or playing "bad little girl" or boy. 

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to engage in particular sexual acts. Some people who really enjoy these may not want to stay with you, but most people can take or leave most specific sexual acts. 

I think it is good and fun to be with sexually adventurous partners. They are more likely to be happy doing whatever it is that you find most enjoyable at the time. But a sexually adventurous person is likely to be interested in a variety of things, and a negative reaction (as opposed to saying no), may drive them away. 

I'm OK with my wife not wanting to do everything I want to do in bed - but it is very hurtful when she says something to imply that my desires are somehow bad and perverted. (they are for pretty normal things). Sex is about trust, openness and acceptance, and fear of rejection damages that openness.

Saying "no" is always OK, but I think its worth trying to not just say it nicely, but to avoid having negative feelings about someone who asks for something you don't like.










OliviaG said:


> In post 52 I stated the unvarnished truth. This is what I'd be trying to hide at the time he suggested anal. I really would not want to shame.
> 
> But the thing is, my desire for the guy would die there. It would be over, I just know it. I wouldn't tell him that at the time, but it would be.
> 
> I have a feeling you're going to ask me if I'd leave a long-term relationship over it? Answer: probably not. But it would make me sick to my stomach knowing he even thought about it, and would make it very difficult for me to enjoy sex with him. Would I ever get over it? I have no idea. I hope I don't have to find out the hard way.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
its fascinating how different people find different sexual things fun, OK, or disgusting. Personally, I find the mix of sex and food (like eating whipped cream off of someone) really pretty gross. My wife hasn't asked, and I'll do my best to not react negatively if she does. 

I find it interesting that anal you you seems horrible, but it was something you were willing to try on your husband. My wife was opposite - she enjoys receiving but was very grossed out at my suggesting that she try it on me.

I know a lot of men react very negatively to the idea of receptive anal - probably tied up with its association (incorrectly btw) with homosexuality.

I know one woman who is utterly disgusted by anal- but loves serious BDSM, swinging etc. It is especially strange since I think much of the appeal of anal for many people is its D/S sort of implications.

I guess I think it best to try to avoid any negative reactions to anything that is not fundamentally evil (like truly non-consensual activities), but to feel free to politely reject anything (best done by providing an alternate suggestion). 








OliviaG said:


> I agree with everything you wrote, and I actually am a sexually adventurous person in most ways, but anal is just abhorrent to me. It has never been an issue though, thankfully.
> 
> I actually bought my husband a toy thinking I'd propose exploring prostate stimulation for him after reading about how pleasurable many men find it. I never brought it up though after his negative reaction to the toys I bought for myself. I think he might be turned off for good if I did, funnily enough. I get how disgust can make feelings turn on a dime, so I won't risk it with him.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Eeek...I won't do anal, but think some women like it...not sure it's the 'norm' in most relationships or not.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

If my wife was ever up for it I would be. This is actually one area where not bring well endowed can be an advantage bc it is unlikely to cause pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
not in any way trying to convince you, but some women do get a lot of pleasure from it - not at all clear why. Damage is very rare.

But not wanting to is an absolutely sufficient reason not to do it. 



OliviaG said:


> Well, from my perspective, anal on me is doing something to me that gives me absolutely no pleasure (I don't have a prostate), will likely cause me pain, and may cause permanent damage to an organ that I'd really like to work as flawlessly as possible. Oh, and then there's the poop factor.
> 
> Seriously, what could I possibly like about the above? How could my partner desire that? In my mind, the only way he could desire that is if he desires to degrade me and he doesn't care that he might do me serious harm, just for his pleasure.
> 
> ...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Some women can get pleasure from anal because the anus has a TON of nerve endings; also, anal intercourse will stimulate the clitoral crura (legs), which become engorged when she's turned on, and it's also possible to stimulate the g-spot via anal intercourse. 

As long as you use (lots of) lube and do it properly, it shouldn't hurt, and as the poster above stated, you're unlikely to damage anything.

And if you've defecated an hour or two beforehand, and you have good digestive health, it won't be full of poop. You can get an enema if you're really concerned. 

All that being said, you don't just decide to randomly jam it in there on a whim (like my XH tried to do without asking me if I would like it), or do it without any preparation. Unless you're a regular team player, you need to do some warm-up exercises before you go all in.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Meaning .....


> Sodomy
> 
> *Anal or oral intercourse *between human beings, or any sexual relations between a human being and an animal, the act of which may be punishable as a criminal offense.


looks like some of us are being sodomised two ways >




> Seriously, what could I possibly like about the above? How could my partner desire that? In my mind, the only way he could desire that is if he desires to degrade me and he doesn't care that he might do me serious harm, just for his pleasure.


Olivia I guess that is a judgement call you are making on your husband. Has he ever given you reason to think he desires to degrade or cause you serious harm? Do you really believe or have you experienced you husband hurting you just for his pleasure? If so then your concern is real but if he hasn't behaved this way then you are super imposing your beliefs onto him.

I get that you do not want to do anal but be careful that you don't do his thinking for him. What I mean is that IME with anal and sex in general, Mr H has never ever wanted to degrade or hurt me. When we first tried anal he was overly cautious, kind and caring. in fact the time and care he took was extremely loving.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Happilymarried25 said:


> You will have to be alright with not having it if she doesn't want it. I notice it's the men here who mention wanting to have it, why because it's the men who get pleasure out of it, the women get the pain. Would the men here who would like to try it like it if their wives to put on a strap on and do anal sex to them? I'm guessing not.


Google "pegging" and try again please. If it's painful, you're doing it wrong--it can be extremely pleasurable to a receiver of either sex.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband has told me his back door is off limits... and he has no desire to get into mine...and that's OK with me !


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

tripad said:


> I read through threads here n I see that different people have different values , sex preferences , morals , and views .
> 
> I wonder if most women do anal sex ?
> 
> N if most men like n do anal sex on the women ?


I think most couples have tried it, probably few go on to do it regularly.

I (the husband) like it on my wife and wouldn't mind experimenting with her on me 

In our marriage it was originally my wife's idea. Over our 16 years we've tried it maybe a dozen times with three of them being successful, 3 ending badly and the other 6 or so times she stopped it before it turned bad for her.

I would love to incorporate it more regularly but I think that requires my wife to do some work with herself to get more comfortable with it which she won't do.

She enjoys a finger there when she is really turned on and closer to orgasm.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

OliviaG said:


> I can accept that there are some women who get pleasure from anal. I think if the majority did though, I'd know about it. My impression is the opposite.


There absolutely are - my wife is one of them. She can orgasm from it. However, this is not at all part of our regular sex. We've done it a handful of times over 7 years, and it's been well over a year now, I think, since the last time. It's a real take it or leave it thing for us.

She was the one interested in trying it the first time, and it didn't get too far (no pun intended). She brought it up again some time later, and eventually it "worked". I guess her interest has waned since then.

Point is, this isn't something that either of us have a particular interest in, other than actually trying it.

It's not messy. It doesn't smell. There's no poop.

I think whatever issue people have with you about this subject and your take on it (in which responses have been extremely polite and understanding, I might add, as opposed to being inciting) is that this is not something you've even tried.

Which is totally fine, obviously. You have zero interest in it, as do many others. But that's where your opinion should end, IMO. 

Instead, there's a list of reasons why it's disgusting, or unpleasurable or dirty, or whatever. What's the saying? "Thou dost protest too much?"

IMO, when someone is not interested in something, including a sexual act, that's all one has to say, or feel - not interested. But it seems you have a laundry list of reasons why, which means you've had to actually think of these reasons in the first place to justify your feelings. My question is why does anybody feel they have to justify their feelings on something like this?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Some women can get pleasure from anal because the anus has a TON of nerve endings; also, anal intercourse will stimulate the clitoral crura (legs), which become engorged when she's turned on, and it's also possible to stimulate the g-spot via anal intercourse.
> 
> As long as you use (lots of) lube and do it properly, it shouldn't hurt, and as the poster above stated, you're unlikely to damage anything.
> 
> ...


The only time I did an enema was in preparation for giving birth . and my anus was on fire . 

Yes other poster above is right and I agree . I don't want to do it and there's nothing to explain .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Tried it a handfull of times with Mrs MoE. She likes it to a degree. As others have said a rare thing. First time was pretty much at her prompting too.

She probably more enjoys a toy we have that allows for double penetration. Its smaller and gets stimulated in two areas that way. She almost always wants to do this with her on top where she can control it. It is the closest to being filled in both "holes" at once as we'll ever get. ZERO interest in threesome.

Very much agree with Holland and AlexM in this thread. Try it if you want. If not dont. But Im up for most things that dont involve other people or actual defecation.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> I can accept that there are some women who get pleasure from anal. I think if the majority did though, I'd know about it. My impression is the opposite.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't think an enema would be terribly pleasant, either. (Although, there are some people out there that get a kick out of it... just saying.) And I don't think it's terribly necessary preparation, for that matter. I only mentioned it for informational purposes.

My only intent is to educate


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
There is nothing wrong with disliking certain sexual acts. Its even OK to find some of them disgusting. There are a number of fairly normal sexual activities that I have no interest in ever trying.

My earlier comment was just to be careful about letting partners think you are judging them for their interests.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> There is nothing wrong with disliking certain sexual acts. Its even OK to find some of them disgusting. There are a number of fairly normal sexual activities that I have no interest in ever trying.
> 
> My earlier comment was just to be careful about letting partners think you are judging them for their interests.


I agree. If you appear judgmental, your partner will lose trust and will be less likely to come forward with other desires in the future.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

FeministInPink said:


> *Some women can get pleasure from anal because the anus has a TON of nerve endings; also, anal intercourse will stimulate the clitoral crura (legs), which become engorged when she's turned on, and it's also possible to stimulate the g-spot via anal intercourse. *
> 
> As long as you use (lots of) lube and do it properly, it shouldn't hurt, and as the poster above stated, you're unlikely to damage anything.
> 
> ...


And it's partly because of the text in bold that I even suggested it to my wife. I didn't think about it solely for my pleasure, nor did I have any interest in degrading her. However, she was not feeling it, which is cool because we can other ways to enjoy each other.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

OliviaG said:


> Lol...people wanted an explanation for why I felt so strongly about it, so I thought about it and expressed why I thought it was. I have strong feelings about things like incest or bestiality too. If someone started a thread asking for feelings about those, I might answer, but that doesn't mean I secretly want to sleep with family members or animals or that I ever think about doing so or come up with reasons why I am repulsed at the thought, unprompted.
> 
> And no, I'm not comparing anal with incest and/or bestiality except that I'm repulsed by all three. I realize they're not all in the same category.
> 
> What's interesting to me is that there are individuals who seem threatened by my stance about anal. They express a nefarious reason for my response, such as I secretly harbour fear that my husband wants to hurt me, or I am so out of touch with myself that I won't admit to myself that I really have a hankering for anal, deep down (aka I protest too much). And not only that, but that I have no business having a deeply felt disgust for it, I should just feel neutral about it. Trying to shame *me* for the way I feel. No offence taken for any of that, btw, I just find it noteworthy.


Let me clarify - I don't think you actually, deep down, want to have anal sex  I also have no problem with your "disgust" for it, either. I DO actually understand your pov on it, I really do. I admit, it's not something I ever particularly had an interest in trying. But you know, for science and all. You only live once. Blah blah blah. Besides, it turns out my wife is one of the (allegedly) few women who gets something out of it. Still not part of our repertoire, however.

My thought was that it's quite one thing to not be into it, at all, while it's TOTALLY something else to take the stance of possibly never being attracted to your mate, ever again, should he even bring up the topic.

That's harsh. I totally get that if your partner suggests something as extreme as what you described in your post above. My attraction to somebody who had an interest in one of those would die a quick death, too.

It's not a shaming thing for me, honestly. You have no interest in anal sex (or others for oral sex, for that matter. We see enough of those posts here, too...) I don't get it, but I don't have to. My wife will absolutely do oral sex as part of the over all experience (ie. foreplay, or sometimes as a finisher. She swallows, too.) But on it's own? She has a disgust for that. She even admits it. And, according to her, it has nothing to do with feeling "used" or anything like that. As part of sex? Sure! By itself? Ugh, f*** no! Go figure 

But - she wouldn't lose all attraction to me as a result of my asking about it.

That's where you lost me, and I think others, too.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Hi Olivia, sorry I was just replying to the comments you made about your opinion of your husband if he should want to do it. You didn't say it was hypothetical. It did come across as you would have disgust for your husband if he wanted to. 

No one is suggesting you or anyone do anything they don't want or that there is anything wrong with not doing anal.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

tripad said:


> I read through threads here n I see that different people have different values , sex preferences , morals , and views .
> 
> I wonder if most women do anal sex ?
> 
> ...


Personally? I think it's pretty gross. Though I know many that do.

I mean really, people enjoy having their penis smell like butt hole and covered with small traces of fecal matter?


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

So.

Father comes home, and can instantly tell something is amiss.

His 19-year old son is sitting on the couch, looking sad and confused.

Dad says, "Hey what's going on?

Son says, "Well, nothing, really, I just had sex for the first time today......"

Dad puffs out with pride at his son becoming a man, and heartily congratulates his son on his achievement-

"Son, that is GREAT! That's awesome! Wonderful! Fantastic!"

Son is still sitting there looking out of sorts.

Dad slows down a bit, and inquires-

"So, er, do you have any questions?"



"Yes. Will it always make my ass hurt like this?"


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> Personally? I think it's pretty gross. Though I know many that do.
> 
> I mean really, people enjoy having their penis smell like butt hole and covered with small traces of fecal matter?


That's not how you do it. 

After you pull out- VERY SLOWLY- you go RIGHT to the sink and rinse off and NEVER, EVER look down until after you thoroughly rinse.

That way there are no unpleasant surprises.

It's well worth it. One for the novelty and two because it's the tightest hole you'll ever stick your penis in. 

Also the women love it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ha...boo...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

Definitely a cultural thing. The French are very into it, as Dorcel porn films demonstrate. Many of their insults and swear words rotate around back passage penetration.

Wife wanted to try it a couple of times, so against my personal tastes I was a willing partner. She always then cried off saying that I was too big and it would hurt, her perception and not mine I hasten to add.

Not my thing personally - women are equipped with a lovely interface designed for penetration, don't really have any desire to go up the waste disposal system. A finger now and then if it adds to her pleasure, but my old man prefers cleaner jobs.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> I think this might be the third time I tried to explain this, but I'll give it one last shot. I think if you read over my previous comments you'll see this to be in line with what I posted:
> 
> The OP asked a question in the context of what to expect in a *new* relationship. I imagined myself in a new relationship with someone and answered her question in that spirit.
> 
> ...


I have to stick up for Olivia on this one.

Let's look at it from the opposite angle, shall we?

If a guy said to me, I do not like oral, I won't ever do it. But I love oral. I want oral. He and I are going to be sexually incompatible, and I'm going to send him packing. Because oral is a non-negotiable for me. If he's not going downtown on a regular basis (like almost every ride), he's not getting on this bus. 

If someone says early on, hey, I'm into "XYZ" and it's something of the non-vanilla variety (such as anal) it's usually because its either a non-negotiable must-have or they REALLY want it. So it's best to just say, "no thanks" and move on to find someone who is a better fit. And that's cool, because it's probably best for both people involved.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

FeministInPink said:


> I have to stick up for Olivia on this one.
> 
> Let's look at it from the opposite angle, shall we?
> 
> ...


Absolutely. No arguments here! Always best to look for compatibility.

I could swear she said she wouldn't look at her _husband_ the same way again, if he ever brought it up, though. That's all that I have a hard time understanding.

A new partner? Sure. Not my thing, see ya. Somebody she's been with for x-amount of time, and married? That's what would kill any desire for that person?

Sounds like he's already on board, though, so it's a moot point. I'm just looking at this from the pov that perhaps she never brought up her "disgust" at it over the years. That said, people's tastes change over time, and sometimes want to try new things.

My wife has a thing about spanking. She was pre-emptive about this before we got married. I know that if I slap her butt during sex, she'd turn around and punch me in the throat, so I don't do it. If I asked her, at some point in the future, if maybe I could smack her butt during sex, I'm pretty damn sure she wouldn't lose any and all attraction to me. She'd say no, by the way.

But what if she never mentioned this to me? And one day I try to imitate bad porn and spank her ass during sex? What if she had the same reaction Olivia said she might have, and lost all desire to have sex with me again? Honestly, I'd be like "wtf? get over yourself!"

The rest - totally on board.

Moving on...


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Ha! Sorry! Another joke that didn't make the transition from the British Isles.
> 
> Bottom in the UK means one's rear.


I don't think that's a British problem; I got it, and I've never even been to the British Isles.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> ... and move on to find someone who is a better fit.


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

My wife said that if I turned the light out I could put it up her ass.



Turns out that I should have waited for the lightbulb to cool down first.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

OliviaG said:


> Actually, the message I've been getting in this thread is that you definitely *should not* be honest about how you feel; not only that, but you shouldn't even feel what you feel...!
> 
> Re: being honest about it earlier in the relationship, to give my husband the lay of the land, so to speak: I would have been if the possibility of anal had even entered my consciousness. It never did. I don't know if he ever thought of it, but I suspect not, or he would have brought it up. I would have pre-emptively told him I was not going to entertain it if I'd ever thought of it, but I was completely oblivious to anal sex thoughts until I came here.
> 
> Maybe it never was on our radar because we're not porn users? (If my husband ever looks at porn it must be extremely infrequently and not affect his interaction with me at all.) I've been thinking about this all night and that's my best guess.


So to clarify - he doesn't know your extreme disgust for this?

I'm being genuine here - if he doesn't, he should. I'll tell you straight up - just because he has yet to inquire about this (or anything else, really), doesn't mean he won't ever.

I brought it up with my wife years before she suggested it. Just brought it up - not asked, or said I wanted to do it. It didn't get off the ground, and it's not particularly something I _needed_ to try, so it was never brought up again. It was mere curiosity. Then she brought it up, and we tried it. Didn't go so well, but she brought it up again later on, and we kept trying periodically until we got it.

If your husband doesn't know _exactly_ how you feel (ie. it could potentially affect how you view him) then you really need to get out in front of that, on the chance that he ever does bring it up.

It seems as though you're confident he wouldn't, but people's tastes change, they like to try new things, and they sometimes decide their love life needs some spicing up.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

peacem said:


> Hope that makes sense. I have spent too many years picking up the pieces of miscommunication.


This is huge. As a guy who is the sole communicator in the marriage, let me tell you how damn frustrating it is.

One doesn't need to lay ALL the cards on the table early on, but the major things - absolutely. ESPECIALLY the ones that could potentially jeopardize a relationship should the other person ever "go there".

I already mentioned my wife's aversion to spanking. Like extreme aversion. It doesn't have to make sense to me, nor do I need an explanation. I _wanted_ to ask why, simply out of curiosity, but the chance that it was due to negative experiences was too great, and fairly obvious, and I don't need to know why, nor would I have wanted the mental pictures. Nor did I want to potentially have her re-hash old, negative events for my sake.

But she made a point of putting that into words early on, to avoid it from happening. My reaction was "fine by me, wasn't going to, anyway!" But hey, if it WAS something I would have wanted to do, at least I'd know it was totally off the table.

It's things like that (and they don't have to be sexual, either) that really really need to be communicated to your partner, and not simply assumed they'd never go there.

The problem with not communicating these things is that the potential for it to lead to some issues later on is too great. That was the only thing my wife really ever pre-emptively stopped me from doing. Turns out there were others (not all sex related). Had she simply laid down her "do not do" rules, in the same way she did that one, then these issues would not have cropped up.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> I read through threads here n I see that different people have different values , sex preferences , morals , and views .


Well until we're all perfect clones of one another and experience exactly the same things, in exactly the same ways, in exactly the same environments at the same time. We will all have differing values, morals and preferences.



tripad said:


> I wonder if most women do anal sex ?


Many do and most don't.



tripad said:


> N if most men like n do anal sex on the women ?


Considering the above on women, many do and most don't also applies to men.



tripad said:


> I don't do anal , it would hurt . religion is another factor as that is sodomy to me .


Since I've only had anal sex with Catholic women, religion is a significant factor in my experience.

Oral sex is also sodomy.



tripad said:


> Agreed . can't imagine a man pulling out his penis full of my poop n smelling like poop.


Despite having enjoyed almost twenty years of regular (multiple times a week) anal sex with my wife, I have never experienced that.

So I can't imagine it either.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Have never tried it and have no desire to.


Good for you, if you have no interest in such pursuits I see no reason why you should try it or likewise be coerced or forced to do the same either.



Happilymarried25 said:


> I have heard it's painful.


It can be if there is insufficient lubrication, one isn't relaxed, care is not taken and the participants don't communicate well.



Happilymarried25 said:


> I don't know why a women would find it enjoyable as she wouldn't have an orgasm because her spot isn't in the back.


Some women enjoy it and some don't, @FeministInPink has that covered well.



FeministInPink said:


> Some women can get pleasure from anal because the anus has a TON of nerve endings; also, anal intercourse will stimulate the clitoral crura (legs), which become engorged when she's turned on, and it's also possible to stimulate the g-spot via anal intercourse.





Happilymarried25 said:


> I'm not sure why a man would find it enjoyable because it would feel like you were having sex with a man.


Because it feels good. In my experience having anal sex with a woman feels like having sex with a woman.



Happilymarried25 said:


> Thankfully my husband has no desire to try it for that reason.


Sexual compatibility is always a great thing in any sexual relationship.



frusdil said:


> Never tried it. Never will. Not my thing at all.


Kudos to you, it really is that simple and doesn't need to be more involved than that.



OliviaG said:


> Pain and the smell of sh!t have never figured prominently in my sexual fantasies.


It doesn't figure in mine or my wife's sexual fantasies either. Yet through almost 20 years we have both share and enjoyed frequent anal sex without encountering pain, bad smells, mess and or any medical problems either.

A good diet, great health, good hygiene, some enthusiasm and competence plus plenty of care and consideration go a long way towards having great anal sex.



FeministInPink said:


> As long as you use (lots of) lube and do it properly, it shouldn't hurt, and as the poster above stated, you're unlikely to damage anything.
> 
> And if you've defecated an hour or two beforehand, and you have good digestive health, it won't be full of poop. You can get an enema if you're really concerned.
> 
> All that being said, you don't just decide to randomly jam it in there on a whim (like my XH tried to do without asking me if I would like it), or do it without any preparation. Unless you're a regular team player, you need to do some warm-up exercises before you go all in.


:iagree:

This is best done with a lot of communication, knowledge of the risks and plenty of care and as required some preparation.

I will also add that one should avoid warming lubes at all costs, and one should also avoid using any numbing creams, since if something hurts it's very important for the person on the receiving end to know about it immediately and act accordingly. It's also best to do this while completely sober and where possible avoid positions where one can slip and accidentally do something injurious, spooning for example is much safer than having the receiver in an unstable position on top.

That said when one does this a lot, warm up exercises aren't always necessary.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> I would not be with someone who wanted anal. Even if he suggested it and was willing to accept a hard no from me, he would have turned me off irrevocably just with the suggestion. No coming back from that. I don't want a guy who is remotely interested in it.


Lest there be any surprises, as long as this is established at the beginning of a sexual relationship, I don't see anything wrong with expecting that from any of your sexual partners. For your peace of mind, (not that I expect him to) I hope your husband never changes his mind about anal sex.



OliviaG said:


> I can accept that there are some women who get pleasure from anal.


That being the case, it's a stretch to presume the following.



OliviaG said:


> I think if the majority did though, I'd know about it. My impression is the opposite.


If you've never done anal sex or have never done it with someone who knows what they're doing. How can you possibly have the slightest clue whether a majority of women would enjoy it or not?

Considering some of the apoplexy and disgust that has been proffered in this discussion. I can't see any reason why a lot of women who enjoy anal sex would readily admit that to anyone they're not having sex with.



OliviaG said:


> Is there anything less sexy than getting an enema? I'm having trouble coming up with anything.


Not that I care for enema's, there's certainly plenty that's less sexy than that.

Good diet great health regular bowel movements and good hygiene make enema's unnecessary.



OliviaG said:


> I enjoy preparing myself for sex. Bathing, shaving, applying lotions, lingerie, music, candlelight. The whole ritual of it is a turn on. It builds anticipation. Getting an enema - a whole other type of anticipation: dread.


Absent any health and hygiene problems that would render an enema a necessary requirement, why would you do that unless it was your thing?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> I mean really, people enjoy having their penis smell like butt hole and covered with small traces of fecal matter?


In my experience it has never smelt like butt hole and I have never seen any visible fecal matter on it either.



peacem said:


> I think the issues women have with anal (and I included me here), now that it is less taboo and out there it can make us feel guilty and inadequate for not wanting it or wanting to try it. It can almost become an area of anxiety (partner will think I am vanilla and get bored of me - this is how I used to think). I also used to worry that it was something that my H craved - which wasn't the case - he was simply curious.


No one should make someone feel inadequate over something they want to do or don't want to do sexually.

Although my wife and I have done it regularly throughout most of our sexual relationship. And I have done it with some other sexual partners including my first (she was 16 I was 17) long before either of us ever saw it in pornography.

I have not had anal sex with most of my sexual partners. To the point that I have sometimes never thought to mention it at all.

Some wanted to try it while some didn't, some wanted it, while some didn't.

One sexual partner told me she didn't do it because she didn't like it, although I didn't ask it's cool she asserted what she felt. Consequently I never brought it up at any point throughout our time together.

Going forward with younger people education, informed consent, and encouraging all not to shame those who want to have anal sex and those who don't is the best we can hope for. Anal sex has always been with us, it certainly isn't going away anytime soon.

At the end of the day I'm happy to do it because it feels good and my partner enjoys it as well. If my partner decides she has had enough of anal sex, I have no qualms about letting it go.

I will also add that despite the sex my wife and I have practiced through almost twenty years, my wife who has regular medical check ups. Doesn't suffer from pain when having anal sex, has never suffered from STI's, or swollen or inflamed haemorrhoids, anal fissures or perforations, sphincter lacerations, fecal incontinence, anal cancer or any other problems including bad smells related to anal sex.

That said my wife at 45 is in fine health, hardly ever catches a cold or gets sick, is a healthy weight, is physically active, has no chronic illnesses, has never suffered from any mental illness and aside from being on her second Mirena IUD with no adverse effects she is not on any medication for anything else at all (she doesn't even get headaches).

The following may not be safe for work.

*The 10 Biggest Misconceptions About Anal Sex By Anna Breslaw - Cosmopolitan*

*The 5 Most Ridiculous Myths About Anal Sex by Jonathan Doucette - The Daily Dot*


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> Actually, the message I've been getting in this thread is that you definitely *should not* be honest about how you feel; not only that, but you shouldn't even feel what you feel...!
> 
> Re: being honest about it earlier in the relationship, to give my husband the lay of the land, so to speak: I would have been if the possibility of anal had even entered my consciousness. It never did. I don't know if he ever thought of it, but I suspect not, or he would have brought it up. I would have pre-emptively told him I was not going to entertain it if I'd ever thought of it, but I was completely oblivious to anal sex thoughts until I came here.
> 
> Maybe it never was on our radar because we're not porn users? (If my husband ever looks at porn it must be extremely infrequently and not affect his interaction with me at all.) I've been thinking about this all night and that's my best guess.


Olivia I just had to comment and give you some support. Just the THOUGHT that sh!t comes out of there just ends all possibilities of it for me. That and my doc told us that the only way to ensure fecal matter is not involved is with an enema - bathing or showering doesn't do it - was enough for me to cross it off the list for eternity. I really do think it has something to do with my OCD because I'm a pretty kinky girl otherwise and I consider myself a sub. But I am built small and it took 3 attempts to accomplish vaginally penetration so I'm not trying to lose my virginity in the exit ramp.

I understand how you feel about your hubby even asking too but if mine wanted to (in fact it's his fantasy but he doesn't think it's healthy for me physically or emotionally ) it doesn't make me feel some type of way about him because he always tells me I have the most beautiful butt in the world. 

I don't think it's shaming when people express how they feel about a sex act especially when the OP of a thread wants to know if her feelings about it are out of the norm. There have been women on TAM who say they are willing to give their hubby a bj whenever he wants but swallowing is just disgusting. But I have no shame just wanting every drop of it from my hubby. I just think it's important for all viewpoints to be represented so that every viewpoint gets support.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

thefam said:


> Just the THOUGHT that sh!t comes out of there just ends all possibilities of it for me.


Which is exactly why you shouldn't do it.



thefam said:


> That and my doc told us that the only way to ensure fecal matter is not involved is with an enema - bathing or showering doesn't do it - was enough for me to cross it off the list for eternity.





> *Taking care of hygiene*
> 
> Proper hygiene should also be taken into account with anal sexual activity. *With routine daily hygiene, the anus is as clean as other parts of your body.* It contains its own natural bacteria to help fight against infections.
> 
> ...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

DayOne said:


>


You give me more credit than I deserve! It was completely unintentional, I swear.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

@Personal my doc is a little conservative when it comes to sexual matters. For example she doesn't recommend sex during women's cycle because she says that's a time of cleansing. She's a Christian (as are we) so I think a lot of her advice is biblically based.

My H loves her though because she was SO helpful during our 5 year period of infertility especially with her advice with keeping sex intimate and enjoyable when the goal was so oriented toward conceiving.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Happilymarried25 said:


> You will have to be alright with not having it if she doesn't want it. I notice it's the men here who mention wanting to have it, why because it's the men who get pleasure out of it, the women get the pain. Would the men here who would like to try it like it if their wives to put on a strap on and do anal sex to them? I'm guessing not.


There are quite a lot of women who like anal.

There are lots of guys, who like it when women use a strap on.
(No, I'm not one of them)


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> Pain and the smell of sh!t have never figured prominently in my sexual fantasies. I would not be with someone who wanted anal. Even if he suggested it and was willing to accept a hard no from me, he would have turned me off irrevocably just with the suggestion. No coming back from that. I don't want a guy who is remotely interested in it.


Some people experience pain, some don't. Some just expect it, some are surprised they like it. 

I don't demand it, but been with women who *want it*. Or late say "I wanna try it*.

Don't recall the smell of poop... of course accidents can happen.
Spend a few years changing baby diapers.... meh.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> You give me more credit than I deserve! It was completely unintentional, I swear.


Riiiiight.... 

Butt, you're not the only one:



Personal said:


> That being the case, it's a stretch







Yes i'm at work, and bored!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Personal said:


> In my experience it has never smelt like butt hole and I have never seen any visible fecal matter on it either.


You don't buy into the 5 sec rule either when you drop a piece of food do you? Just cause you don't see it doesn't mean the fecal matter isn't there. There is no such thing as a squeaky clean a$$hole. A normal person will sh!t daily in the toilet. That hole is filled with small particles of fecal matter. And yes that will make your d!ck smell like ass. Take a nice big waft next time.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> Well, from my perspective, anal on me is doing something to me that gives me absolutely no pleasure (I don't have a prostate), will likely cause me pain, and may cause permanent damage to an organ that I'd really like to work as flawlessly as possible. Oh, and then there's the poop factor.
> 
> Seriously, what could I possibly like about the above? How could my partner desire that? In my mind, the only way he could desire that is if he desires to degrade me and he doesn't care that he might do me serious harm, just for his pleasure.


LOL! Not to make fun of you - but how it comes out - sounds funny "may cause permanent damage to an organ I'd really like to work flawlessly".  Don't we all!!:grin2:

But its not really an organ. And how do you know it gives you no pleasure? Some people like the pain, if there is any.

By all means, its you're right to not do it - and I've never forced it myself. Even I used to have my own "ICK! How gross" factor when I was young.

I told my then-GF that I would never require that of her, as she stated that a boyfriend of many years before, had.

But a few years later, she liked the finger in the butt and also likes penis there too. She likes to do the finger to me (because lots of guys like that / prostate) - and while it doesn't give me a (eww response) - it doesn't really do anything for me.


Also, there is nothing degrading when doing something that two consenting adults find enjoyable. Most people do NOT do this to cause harm. Its about fun and even loving.


PS: So, I guess double penetration would be out of the question?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> You don't buy into the 5 sec rule either when you drop a piece of food do you? Just cause you don't see it doesn't mean the fecal matter isn't there. There is no such thing as a squeaky clean a$$hole. A normal person will sh!t daily in the toilet. That hole is filled with small particles of fecal matter. And yes that will make your d!ck smell like ass. Take a nice big waft next time.


If you say so.

I've tossed my wife's salad and didnt detect any sh!t vinaigrette. :wink2:


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

thefam said:


> @Personal my doc is a little conservative when it comes to sexual matters. For example she doesn't recommend sex during women's cycle because she says that's a time of cleansing. She's a Christian (as are we) so I think a lot of her advice is biblically based.
> 
> My H loves her though because she was SO helpful during our 5 year period of infertility especially with her advice with keeping sex intimate and enjoyable when the goal was so oriented toward conceiving.


As long as your doctor affords you and your family quality medical care, I don't think it's a bad thing she is sexually (and socially?) conservative or offers you advice, that coincides with your Christian faith (I'm an atheist by the way) and or personal sexual preferences.

I'm glad to read that your doctor made such a positive difference for you both.

As far as I'm concerned if someone doesn't want to do something sexual they should never be forced, compelled, manipulated or coerced into into it. At the same time I think shaming someone for their adult sexual preferences or interests is poor form.



thefam said:


> I don't think it's shaming when people express how they feel about a sex act especially when the OP of a thread wants to know if her feelings about it are out of the norm.


As to what is normal, I think the following applies in any direction.



> Sex gets better when you stop worrying about whether you're "normal".


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Middle of Everything said:


> If you say so.
> 
> I've tossed my wife's salad and didnt detect any sh!t vinaigrette. :wink2:


Yeah... if you say so too.

Maybe she sh!ts rose peddles haha.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

thefam said:


> @Personal my doc is a little conservative when it comes to sexual matters. For example she doesn't recommend sex during women's cycle because she says that's a time of cleansing. She's a Christian (as are we) so I think a lot of her advice is biblically based.


I think that is more of an old Jewish thing.

I don't mind doing it while she's on her period - many women like that. Its just a matter of bloody sheets... 

Or a bloody mustache.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
communication is really important in issues like this. For quite a few years my wife would give me a complete BJ on my birthday but never at other times. She gave every impression of not minding it, afterwards was always happy to receive sexual attention in return. I found it frustrating - oral is probably my favorite activity in bed, and I didn't understand why she would only do it once a year. Finally when I was complaining about our generally very limited sex life, she told me that she found oral disgusting and degrading, and utterly hated doing it. 

I never would have asked her for something she thought was that bad. She had always given the impression that she just didn't really enjoy it, but didn't mind. This had gone on for years.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

As a Nurse, I'm thinking enema ...........


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> Correct.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Suppose his response is one nearing indifference towards the subject as mine was, as opposed to vehement opposition and revulsion?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

OliviaG said:


> I'm on my phone and not familiar with accessing tam this way so this may not be quite as clear as it could be. Only have a minute too. But I just had to respond to this idea that the rectum is as clean as the rest of the body - I'm trying not to laugh hysterically in a public place atm..
> 
> Seriously, the rectum and colon is absolutely filled with bacteria - more than you have cells in your body. How old is that U of Illinois info? From before the invention of the microscope?
> 
> ...


Olivia ~
I am a little confused. Are you referring to MY comment/post from above when you wrote "I couldn't let the above go unchallenged for another minute?"
VH


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> I'm not going to ask him what he thinks of it. I'm just going to tell him how I feel and that I am thankful that he's never expressed an interest in it.


You know what may happen when you do that...
Maybe he NEVER thought of it. But once you tell him that HE CAN'T go there, now he'll be thinking about. Maybe everyday.

"Hey, maybe I should go there". >


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

+1 I've got my doubts about this "preemption" approach too. He may be totally on board. Or you may rouse a sleeping dog to frustration, or replace his perceived atmosphere of safe self-expression with another charged with guilty, compartmentalized thoughts. And you may not know which (if any) of these has resulted from his response or lack thereof.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Is anal sex the norm? No. It's not "normal". The butthole was created as a waste disposal system, not for making babies. 

But dildos, Ben Wa balls, Pockit Rockits and fresh vegetables are not "normal" sex tools either. Yet being the high primates we are, we've learned to exploit them for pleasure.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Is anal sex the norm? No. It's not "normal". The butthole was created as a waste disposal system, not for making babies.


In fact, babies CAN be born out of a butthole.

Where do you think lawyers come from?


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> There is an old joke about a man asking a woman to try anal and her telling him she would let him give her anal if he received it first. Of course, he doesn't. But, as any Dan Savage fan knows, pegging is fairly mainstream now. I can't go into an adult store without seeing many strap ons specifically designed for women to wear with men.
> 
> Good on you for being willing to try it. Apparently, prostate stimulation leads to mind blowing orgasm for some men.


I have never tried that but honestly it sounds appealing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think that is a very good point. A fair number of people are sexually attracted to the "forbidden". That may even be part of the appeal of anal - its naughtiness makes is appealing.

Probably comes from children being taught that sex is naughty, so they start to think naughty is sexy. 




TaDor said:


> You know what may happen when you do that...
> Maybe he NEVER thought of it. But once you tell him that HE CAN'T go there, now he'll be thinking about. Maybe everyday.
> 
> "Hey, maybe I should go there". >


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Okay, everyone - watch this youtube... the last part, really made me think of OliviaG. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAAnEH47K28

And I mean this in a good and funny way!


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Hi I am lost in this anal talk . I see differing views as always . To each its own . 

Can I suggest a nurse costume now ? Is that a man's favorite costume ? I mean for the woman to wear , of course , lol .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Still no anal for ms nurse .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Any SEXY costume will work for any man. Sexy nurse, sexy cop (she's the the baton - oh yeah) , sexy robot, sexy maid, sexy goth, sexy doctor, sexy construction work, etc...
@olivia - LOL, you did listen to that whole clip? If you've never heard of his materials - watch (I mean listen) to the whole 60min show. I actually own this CD.

Also, check out. Breaking all the rules: https://youtu.be/eJ5-IjxuHxI
And Louder than Hell: https://youtu.be/VCnw55cXFWg


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

My wife likes it. I care less. I do it for her, but every time we do it she ending up in pain after words. It does not matter how long we prep her for it. At the end we do not do it too often.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Locate the full version... or start with 1 of 5. 

I included links to 2 other shows.
he talks about sex, drugs, drinking, god, stupid people, sings... he sings like an angel.

My wife was walking around why I was looking for THE clip for you to listen to... and I didn't want her to hear much of it, not now. Since we're getting over an affair with many months for us to work out.
So I made sure to NOT play the following at all... 

https://youtu.be/BOvycD_e28k?t=6m20s

Someday, we should hopefully laugh about it.

Too bad Sam was killed.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

peacem said:


> The more I learn about sex it seems the less I actually know. I have done a lot of dressing up, trying to find THE one thing that will do it for my husband. Turns out he doesn't like anything but me being naked. Erotic lingerie and costumes just make him irritated that he has to battle to get it all off. Which was a disappointment because I was just getting into it and found an incredibly cheap Chinese supplier of all things kinky.
> 
> So the answer is it depends on your partner....


Yes it all depends upon you and your partner any man or any woman doesn't really work well.

Knowing what your partner likes is what matters.



TaDor said:


> Any SEXY costume will work for any man.


I don't care for costumes at all since I think they're ridiculous. While I also have no particular interest in erotic lingerie either, unless it is something normally worn as underwear day-to-day.

Personally I find it far more exciting removing my wife's conservative business management attire on weekdays. Or starting on my wife on weekends when she wears pretty dresses sans any underwear throughout the day.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I'm no expert but anal sex sounds like a _bummer_. 
:moon:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Different people like different things. I enjoy seeing my wife in lingerie, often she is wearing it when I get home. (I'm talking about things that are comfortable to wear - just lots of thin silk etc). 

Costumes would only work for me as part of role play that matched my fantasies. 




TaDor said:


> Any SEXY costume will work for any man. Sexy nurse, sexy cop (she's the the baton - oh yeah) , sexy robot, sexy maid, sexy goth, sexy doctor, sexy construction work, etc...
> 
> @olivia - LOL, you did listen to that whole clip? If you've never heard of his materials - watch (I mean listen) to the whole 60min show. I actually own this CD.
> 
> ...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I've once heard a comedian say that if a girl has a ponytail and you stick your finger in the middle of the ponytail and through the elastic band, that it feels exactly (to your finger) like sticking a finger up the bum. Having tried both of those, I would wholeheartedly agree!!! 

...so, I wonder if a guy has ever tried to ask his girl to let him put it in her ponytail? For sure those wives out there that have really really long hair could probably surprise their husbands with something like this as a variation during giving a BJ!

Unfortunately my wife's hair is not long enough for this, so I'll just have to use my imagination.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> :rofl: @badsanta - So you got me fingering my own ponytail. Then I thought.....WTF am I doing?!! :surprise:


Tell your avatar to behave!

Badsanta


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ack! No interest in penetrating the poop hole thanks... eek
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lexis (Feb 11, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Ack! No interest in penetrating the poop hole thanks... eek


Yes anal sex has been a norm with me and many previous and my current girlfriend.

Comments like those above come from the immature and uneducated.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Haiku said:


> I'm no expert but anal sex sounds like a _bummer_.
> :moon:


Just got do it right... with tender love.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I used to feel that way about it. Then, i tried it. While it is not something that I like all the time, it certainly is another tool in the toolbox to make for a great sex life.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

There's definitely a stigma around anal sex, but I don't see anything wrong with it inside of marriage. It's not for everybody, for sure, but if a married couple wants to try it they shouldn't let that stigma keep them from doing so, in my opinion. It's definitely wise to educate yourselves about it before trying it, though.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

There is always the horrible fifty shades of grey "Anal fisting? No. What is a butt plug??".

And of course the notorious "two girls, one cup". DO NOT WATCH IT, OliviaG!!! It'll make butt-sex seem like french kissing!

If your husband is an adult, he should be able to handle Sam Kinison.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

bkyln309 said:


> tool in the toolbox


sounds like a great name for a gay bar.

which is my segue to this bad joke:

whats the most popular pick up line at the toolbox?

May I push in your stool?

on the serious side.

my late wife and i did it all the time; she used it a treat for me.

my crazy ex; after wife past'ed; did it on our 1st date.

my now wife (9 years) has only offered me a "Um... We'll see". I'm still working on it.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I love you MAX HEADROOM!

I see you're getting really old there... even turning GrAY.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Wife refuses to do it that way (which is fine with me). Tried it once with an old GF after we were going all over her house having sex - ended back up in the bedroom and tried it but didn't work.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

my wife is a VERY sexual person but anal is something she only does on occasion. I like it, and most of the time she does too, but it is not something we do often.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

peacem said:


> The more I learn about sex it seems the less I actually know. I have done a lot of dressing up, trying to find THE one thing that will do it for my husband. Turns out he doesn't like anything but me being naked. Erotic lingerie and costumes just make him irritated that he has to battle to get it all off. Which was a disappointment because I was just getting into it and found an incredibly cheap Chinese supplier of all things kinky.
> 
> So the answer is it depends on your partner....


agree.

I like naked.

When SO is being sultry, a long T-shirt that barely covers her butt - for me - is beyond erotic. Don't know why. It just is.

However, I would very much appreciate dress up if it were to happen.


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## lexis (Feb 11, 2016)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Wife refuses to do it that way (which is fine with me). Tried it once with an old GF after we were going all over her house having sex - ended back up in the bedroom and tried it but didn't work.


A golden opportunity squandered. 

It didn't work because you didn't do it correctly. Slow and steady with a lot of lube. 

There's a reason women love it. It's up to us to get it right.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

lexis said:


> A golden opportunity squandered.
> 
> It didn't work because you didn't do it correctly. Slow and steady with a lot of lube.
> 
> There's a reason women love it. It's up to us to get it right.


Yep - that was a night when we were visiting some of her friends and they talked about how they did it all over the house, so that night when we got back to her place (kids were with her ex), we were doing the deed with her on top, then she gets up and walks me to the door and we walked all over her house doing it. Ended up back on her bed and she got in doggie position and we tried, but didn't work - too bad, as she was up for it and I would have liked to try it. That was my last chance, as wife won't even think about trying it.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Personal said:


> Yes it all depends upon you and your partner any man or any woman doesn't really work well.
> 
> Knowing what your partner likes is what matters.
> 
> ...


Same here - I like it when my wife wears just a plain nightie (sadly it's been a long while), or even when she dresses up (which is also rare), especially if she wears black hose/tights.


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