# Wife sees masturbation as performing?



## pinejacker (Dec 23, 2012)

We have been married about 10 years and I have bought my wife various vibrators over that period of time. We incorporate them into our lovemaking and she enjoys them.

She also uses the vibrators on her own, though I wouldn't say she uses them regularly. She actually seems to go in waves: when she was reading the 50 Shades books, she told me she used them every afternoon for a week. But then she may go a month or two without using them.

I should note that we also have 2 children ( 8 and 4 ), our days are long, and we are usually pretty tired by the end of the day.

I am definitely more "outgoing" between the two of us and have gently introduced masturbation into our sex life. It actually started by necessity a couple of years - she was on an antibiotic and because she uses the pill, we were were avoiding sex. So we masturbated together and it was hot!

The issue is that while I find it extraordinarily hot, I don't think my wife feels the same. If I ask her to masturbating together, she will usually say no and that it is because she feels like she is performing. I have told her she doesn't have to perform anything - just lie there and enjoy herself. When have masturbated together in the past, we will lie side-by-side - I will watch her use her vibrator while I slowly stroke and she will typically keep her eyes closed.

Sometimes I will tell her I am going to masturbate, and she never comes into watch. 

I will also note that when we have masturbated together, she is always glad that we did.

So... I guess I am stumped. I LOVE watching her masturbate and would love her to watch me, but I don't think she is into it.... though sometimes she seems like she is?! 

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Masturbating together is not really masturbating.

It is a type of sex.

And all sex involves some degree of performance for someone else's benefit.

That is where the intimacy comes from.

So your wife is right that she is performing, and wrong to want to avoid it for that reason.


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## pinejacker (Dec 23, 2012)

While correct, I am pretty sure throwing that argument out there will only lead to more completely solo sessions. ;-)


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you get off on it; your wife doesn't. find the thing or things she most enjoys in intimacy and indulge her there and she may indulge you a bit more in yours but don't expect her to embrace it with the same fervor you have for it. different strokes for different folks.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Wy not introduce an element of masturbation into sharing a fantasy that you know she would like? Do this when you are making love, particularly when she is aroused. What you are doing is helping her create a different (positive) mental association to masturbation. Give it a try!


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