# I think my post name says it all



## Mrs.Manchildalcoholic (Aug 9, 2021)

I've left 3 times already. Each time got longer, each time I came back he got better. I don't like this game. It's exhausting. I'd rather he leave this time. We own a company together and a house, have 2 kids of our own, two from a previous relationship (well one of his really and the other he had been duped into thinking was his until he did a DNA test last year, another story though). I've never strayed, he hasn't either, but his drinking might as well be another woman anyway. I refer to it as his mistress already. Drink all day, sleep all evening, what is the point of this marriage? He is like an extra child. You would expect a grown man to contribute more than a pay cheque to his family. I have to ask more times than I care to about picking up his own mess, rearing his other children when they are here (another story there too), and basically doing any man things around the house. I only take care of myself now and my own young children to keep my blood pressure at a normal rate. If he can check out and drown himself in alcohol, then his responsibilities can fall to the waist side with it. His children will be over tomorrow and I will be gone to my parents cabin when he gets home with my phone shut off.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

He may believe it more if you file for divorce.
Running away doesn’t fix it. Taking action to end the relationship would be doing yourself a favor.

Just leave him a note telling him it’s over and you hope he can find a way to get sober long term and get well. 

Whatever you do don’t let him talk you back into staying.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I once had 2 friends , got to know them very well, he was the type I would take risk for , give up my life for we were I thought like brothers , 
I found out that he used to drink once a week ,but when he would start he would not stop , he could drink 2 bottles of Bourbon in an evening ,
when he was drinking he sometimes would hit his wife or at least make her feel like crap 
I thought he liked me as much as I liked him , but IT was not until I was away and could look back that I could see what he was doing 
he would invite me to his house when the drinking would start to be there before the wife got home from work so I WOULD PROTECT HER 

SHE WAS THE TYPE THAT WOULD TAKE ALL HIS CRAP today I don't know was it love or was it family their family and her family ( she came from a family that did not except divorce )
he was the nicest guy when not drinking I could not ever be half the lover he was when he was not drinking 
but it was an act , he had to make up for the bad times , and he had it worked out just how far he could push her 

with a lot of arm twisting I got his wife to got to help for battered wifes 
so I had to get a lot of help and information to help this woman , 
while I was getting info I was told by one of the experts that worked for help center 
that the wife runs away 6 times before she runs away for good


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

If you can get and talk to Alanon (not the same thing as Alcoholics Anonymous) they have a lot of experience with helping in this situation


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Laurentium said:


> If you can get and talk to Alanon (not the same thing as Alcoholics Anonymous) they have a lot of experience with helping in this situation


Looks a bit late to me... he is drinking all day.


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## Mrs.Manchildalcoholic (Aug 9, 2021)

He was going to meetings after the last time I left, around Thanksgiving. He made it 6 months.Before the 6 months it was 4yrs. His grandfather is an alcoholic and has been sober for 35yrs (I think). His grandmother goes to the al-anon in our area and my husband was attending meetings with his grandfather. I know I can't force him to change, I've attended the al-anon meetings before. My husband's mother is quite a drinker too, left her marriage for a year and attended AA, but thinks she can control it. She drank while pregnant with my husband, not only is this learned behaviour but also genetic. My husband's brother is an alcoholic and his other brother a drug addict living on the streets. I have only met him 2 times and because he is a criminal as well he does not know where we live. 

I know my husband drinks because he is genetically disposed to it from family history, and the loss of his real dad at a young age triggered his alcohol abuse a few years later, and the trauma from finding out about his first child not being his set him off the deep end the last time. All excuses, zero coping skills aside from drowning sorrows. I think in some sense this is his slow way of committing suicide. I am Christian, I don't believe in divorce. Perhaps I'm waiting for death to do us part as well.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

You could of been me. Trust me it is suicide. My ex just died from alcohol abuse and it wasn't pretty. I gave it a long time for him to get his act together but then I just kicked him out, ran the business by myself and detached completely. It was the best thing I've ever done. Hard, of course, but totally necessary unless you want your kids to live in hell until they leave the house.

And remember, kids of alcoholics have a high chance to become addicts.


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## Mrs.Manchildalcoholic (Aug 9, 2021)

gold5932 said:


> You could of been me. Trust me it is suicide. My ex just died from alcohol abuse and it wasn't pretty. I gave it a long time for him to get his act together but then I just kicked him out, ran the business by myself and detached completely. It was the best thing I've ever done. Hard, of course, but totally necessary unless you want your kids to live in hell until they leave the house.
> 
> And remember, kids of alcoholics have a high chance to become addicts.



I'm aware, my dad was a big drinker when I was younger, has cut back a lot now that he is older. When I was single and young, before marriage and kids I was no better. A couple of 9 month sober stints for pregnancy and being responsible for young lives has curbed the life style I once had, plus being sober around my husband while pregnant was a real eye opener to it. I would run the company alone but I gave up a career to fully invest in our own business, he is on tools and I do all the books. He could pay someone else to do the books and I would just collect my 50%. Just feeling trapped, again. 

From reading other posts about the same subject, I think the spouses of those with addictions love our partners dearly, and see how wonderful they are without their coping substance and just pray for the day that will never come when the substance is gone and we are left with the beautiful person we married. Instead we live the merry-go-round nightmare until the substance takes the person we love completely to the point that it dissolves the relationship either by death or divorce.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Mrs.Manchildalcoholic said:


> zero coping skills aside from drowning sorrows


Alcohol is his coping skill. He learned it, lives it AND by your own admission married it. You had a major life changing event (children) that caused you to change, he unfortunately did not, at least it wasn't enough. Some hit rock top, rock bottom, or a never ending bottom. Do you have any legislation from where you reside which would basically commit him to a treatment center? My state has such legislation, its a lot more of a step than simply attending meetings and works great for people who have become physically dependent.


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