# Question about Spousal Support



## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

My wife and I are currently separated and getting ready to start the divorce process. She wants the divorce, I don't. Anyway, we seem to agree with everything (splitting the money 50/50, joint custody) except for one thing - spousal support.

We were married 15 years and for the entire marriage I had mental health issues and later chronic pain which prevented me from working full-time, so I worked part-time and provided a supplementary income. I also took care of our child (with help from my mom) and helped a little with the household.

We are currently still living together (in separate rooms) until the lease expires. I currently do not make enough money to support myself. But, she feels I should live off the money we're going to split (which would maybe last a few months). I disagree and feel she should provide spousal support until I can get on my feet and stabilize.

Can somebody please provide some insight or advice on this? The lease expires in a couple of months and I'm scared. I'm also worried because I will lose my health insurance through her, which I need for my medical conditions. I relocated to her state and don't know anyone here. And I can't move back home because my child is here.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Talk with a lawyer. Try a few free consults.

Sounds likely she will have to pay you spousal.

Agree to nothing without a lawyer. 

If she sees you as weak and unable or unlikely to protect yourself, she will be alarmed and might rethink her brilliant divorce plan when it turns out you won't roll over and do it her way.

With low income, there are social services available to help with or cover insurance. Go to your state's website for that info. There are subsidies and in some cases, no cost programs.

But look, 15 years is enough that she won't be able to just cut and run without helping you transition.

Get hold of the tax returns for the last 3 to 5 years and a list of all assets, 401k, and all the debts for your mtg with the lawyers.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sadly, if you were female I doubt anyone would question your right to rehabilitative support (temporary spousal support), including your wife. Lots of jurisdictions only allow temporary support so you really need to talk to an attorney. Call legal aid or the state bar to get some referrals.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Get a lawyer and get your spousal support! Women's Lib says they can do anything men can do, so they can pay up just like a man.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm curious how you intend to get on your feet when you haven't been able to do it for the 15 years you've been married? Even if you get it you won't get it forever. If you're capable of getting on your feet now why wouldn't you have done it for the marriage?
You really need a plan for how you're going to provide for yourself in the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I think posting here and asking the question was the first step in the man's plan to figure out how use get getting on his feet and moving into the future. 

the comment about women's lib was really unnecessary.

whatever the state law is it is a state law for both men and women.

anything involving two people in an emotional issue has to do with psychology. for psychology is that she looks down on him and she believes that she hold all the power. And if he does not exercise is mental ability to learn what the state laws allow and does not do the work necessary to secure temporary spousal support which by the way is how support is considered in the majority of states now say for long term marriage is iexcept for n California , she will be correct. 

man or woman a person in such a situation typically has low self esteem and doesn't think very much of their abilities to survive in the world and it's become dependent. part of the struggle in this will be for this man to recover his sense of self. 

if you can do that I wouldn't be surprised if he can recover his marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes, I agree with you clipclop. I suspect that she looks down on him since she basically has had to take care of him like another child. That is not attractive. I agree this marriage might be recovered if he steps up,.and that's where I was going with my question about why he couldn't get on his feet during the marriage if he's going to do it now. Women need a man that has their back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I agree.

Any news, OP?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

They will base the award on her last several years' taxes. She can't doctor the past.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

They can also base it on income potential, assuming you can make a good judgment. It's hard to gauge how much a personal business can make, but if you're a doctor or lawyer the judge will often base it on that so you can't just quit work and claim no income.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Sorry to hear that. But she committed fraud.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

I spoke to a Father's Rights group that feels I should be okay and will collect at least some spousal support until I can get on my feet. They also gave me some free consultations with some lawyers. I'll let you know what they say.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Good. Keep us in the loop.

Any thoughts on trying to get on your feet and stay married? We don't know your whole story. But we know a lot about marriage

You not being employed, etc. has to have factored in here. Women don't generally do White Knight well. Men do that.

You said you have had problems, where are you with them? Therapy? Meds

I know it isn't easy. But what are your prospects for doing herewith what you have got?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

May be, but her responsibility does not end because she doesn't like it.


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