# Valentine's Day and we are splitting up....OMG I am so sad!



## Joanie (Oct 24, 2010)

My mate and I have been together for 11 years. Lived together for the last 10. When we first met he told me that in his prior marriage he was always angry. He would wake angry...be angry with his wife, his kids, everyone. The man I met was nothing even close to what I would describe as an angry person. He told me he felt like a new man since he had met me. His mother and children even told me many times over the years that he was a much nicer person since I had come in to his life.

We have had many trials and tribulations over the years (he had substance abuse issues) but whethered many storms and got through it all. Over the last couple of years however, I have noticed he is an angry man most of the time. Mind you, his anger is rarely directed at me, it is directed to everyone else in the world. I dread even watching the news because he is constantly spewing out angry tirades. I hear the same stuff day after day after day. He complains about races of people, the government, his co-workers, you name it. He also speaks very loudly when doing so and uses the F Bomb every other word. At times it is painful to hear. He just seems so darn angry so darn often.

Ok, so as of late, he is really disliking his job. He has been with the same company for over 20 years and runs a division. He is paid very well. but I tell you, the way he goes on about work and the hours he puts in, you would think it was his own business. He is angry with the owner and constantly upset over the way the owner sees fit to run his company. I have told him why not let him run it, you do your job and collect your handsome paycheck. That's what I do at my job. I leave work and I leave it there. I rarely discuss work when I get home.

So anyway, we have friends (his really) who live in Michigan and this fella wants to sell the business to my guy. They work in the same industry. My guy is keen on this as he feels he will be rid of all the "as&H*les that he works with. Truthfully, his issues will follow him wherever he goes. So I tell him, I can't leave...I have three children here whom I love (all adut), a job I love, a new home I have worked so hard on, etc. He gets annoyed and then says...guess I will just have to stay here and be miserable. Great.....how is that supposed to make me feel?
After a few hours I have time to think about it and I am really annoyed. I send him an email telling him I know he is miserable lately and if leaving would make him happy then maybe he should do it. What else am I going to say? I offered advice to him about dealing with work, etc but he doesn't listen. SO the email seemed like the only option. He was furious when he read it and then demanded I give him 10,000 that he put into our house. 
I am devastated....really am. We have been having this type of blow out every 4 or 5 months now because we just sweep the issues under the rug instead of trying to get help for them. 
If only I didn't love him so deeply, but I do. I have come to realize that I am in love with an angry man and the nice man who was with me for a few really isn't who he is. What do I do? My heart is broken. He feels that he is the victim in all of this?


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## Joanie (Oct 24, 2010)

Wow...bummer...22 people have viewed since I posted this and not one reply. I really do feel so sad and lost!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's hard with posts like this because from where I sit you created this by marrying an angry man. The red flags were glaring but you ignored them thinking somehow it would be different with you and well it's not. And now you're surprised that it ended up this way?

I'm sorry you're in this mess but what can you do? He's got issues and has zero interest in fixing them.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I think you need to be willing to lose him to have any sort of a good relationship with him.

He thinks you give in and just keep keeping on with him, despite his issues.


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## Joanie (Oct 24, 2010)

Thanks for the reply. A couple of things.... 1. I didn't marry him.
2. I didn't really think/know he was an angry man. I honestly thought it was his prior marriage that made him angry. I sincerely didn't know he was an angry man in general. It took many years before the really angry man reared his ugly head and by then I was very much in love and really in deep with him. We have never seen a therapist to work on things....wish it is something we would have done. I would gladly have gone. Thank you for the reply, however. I guess unless a therapist was involved there is no way our situation would improve. We would keep having this happen over and over and over again.


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## Joanie (Oct 24, 2010)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I think you need to be willing to lose him to have any sort of a good relationship with him.
> 
> He thinks you give in and just keep keeping on with him, despite his issues.


I think you are right...as hard as it will be to lose him...what else can I do? Thank you, Little Deer.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

You need to talk to him about all of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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