# Can anyone answer a legal question?



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

I know I should ask a lawyer, but the one I've spoken to has done me a favor a few times already by giving me info without charging me since she is working with a friend on her divorce. I don't want to push it and really can't afford one right now.

So here's my question:

Is there any legal gain for my H to request marriage counseling? If there is infidelity involved (which I don't know if there is) and he admits it in counseling, can I not use that against him as far as alimony goes after divorce? Or any other legal gain? The therapist I am seeing next week mentioned this and she wanted me to find out. I'm just trying to protect myself.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I'm no lawyer but wouldn't that fall under doc / patient privlege? Of course if you are in the room too than I would think you could use it.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

The legal gain is totally for your h to use in court that he tried to get you to go to counseling and you refused. That is recommended by many attorneys as a sign to the court of good faith. Of attempt to fix , make good etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> The legal gain is totally for your h to use in court that he tried to get you to go to counseling and you refused. That is recommended by many attorneys as a sign to the court of good faith. Of attempt to fix , make good etc.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am going to go. So that would still be a legal gain for him just to say he went? Would that make a difference in any financial responsibilities he would have?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

not likely, unless your jurisdiction considers fault in the dissolution of the marriage as a factor in the division of property


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

most divorce laws are set by the state in which you reside so you need to research your states laws you should be able to google this info


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Infidelity generally has no bearing on divorce proceedings in most states. The same goes for whether to go to marriage counseling. 
However, there are ways a good divorce attorney can use those things as character issues before the judge. A judge may see one party of higher moral character and rule accordingly (within the state's statues).


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

If your H attends MC for making his divorce profile better then there is no point for him to admit to adultery. I'm not a lawyer at your country but based on what i remember from my univercity studies there is a strong possibility that he is following his lawyer's advise in order to have evidences that he tried to work on marriage, perhaps giving you a lot of blame (?). I think y should also use MC if your state uses fault as a DoM as Pluto2 posted before.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

We would need to know the following:
1. What state are you in?
2. What are your state's laws regarding spousal support? Most states have done away with alimony. 
3. Do you live in a fault/no fault state? Do not confuse this with no fault divorce. All 50 states recognize no fault divorce.
4. Why are you asking for spousal support? Do you not have the means to support yourself? The point behind a divorce is to create a clean break, not dependancy on a former spouse.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> We would need to know the following:
> 1. What state are you in?
> 2. What are your state's laws regarding spousal support? Most states have done away with alimony.
> 3. Do you live in a fault/no fault state? Do not confuse this with no fault divorce. All 50 states recognize no fault divorce.
> 4. Why are you asking for spousal support? Do you not have the means to support yourself? The point behind a divorce is to create a clean break, not dependancy on a former spouse.


I am living in NC and it is a no-fault state. Alimony still applies here if criteria is met. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years (aside from being a part time childcare provider). I am currently seeking employment, but I know the salary would not be able to support myself and two kids for mortgage/car payment etc.

An attorney told me that I would be eligible for alimony for half of the years we were married, so that would be about 9 years. He is the one that wants this, so if alimony applies, he will have to honor that. Believe me, I would love to not have to be dependent on the POS. He will have to pay the consequences.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

NC is a no fault state. As for alimony, the law in NC changed in the 90's. Your attorney is giving you the absolute maximum time that alimony could be paid. Realistically, if it went to a judge, you would be expected to train for and receive employment within a reasonable amount of time and alimony would be lowered or terminated. Permanent or long term alimony in NC, like most states is going by the wayside as we are all expected to support ourselves. Best of luck here.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

speaking of............omg I just got a call and I am going on an interview today. I haven't been on a job interview in 22 years! I was at my last job for 16 years. 

I'm nervous!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Good luck at the interview!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Check if allowing you husband to live in your home in your state indicates you sanctioned affair. 

If so, get a separation, pronto. 

On the other hand, if he left the home and you did not want him to and you have kids, it may be abandonment in your state.

In some states if a spouse has been married 20 years or longer and can not work due to post affair PTSD, you can get semi permanent alimony, if you are the betrayed spouse.

That means alimony continues until you remarry or win the lottery or come out of your PTSD state and can concentrate enough to hold a job.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Congratulations on your job interview. This is an important first step in establishing independence from your STBXH. A successful life is the best revenge mechanism there is. Good luck.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Check if allowing you husband to live in your home in your state indicates you sanctioned affair.
> 
> If so, get a separation, pronto.
> 
> ...


He moved out last week after living under the same roof for 7 weeks after he dropped the bomb. I actually requested him to move out because he's the one that wanted to be "alone" and the tension was awful.

We've been married 18 yrs. Not sure if what you are stating applies to my situation. 

I may be reading too much into this. Maybe he really wants to figure things out through therapy. It's just weird that he wanted to start after he moved out.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> Congratulations on your job interview. This is an important first step in establishing independence from your STBXH. A successful life is the best revenge mechanism there is. Good luck.


Thank you! I really felt good about going. I think it went ok, but I was so nervous I'm sure he sensed that. Little does he know all the crap I've been through the past 2 months.

I wouldn't have been able to do this even last week. For some reason, this week the cloud has been sort of lifted. I am not crying and I feel pretty good. Not sure if it's the meds kicking in but I hope this feeling lasts and I don't fall back into that slump.

I really want this job. It's perfect...the hours and location. I need this to keep my mind off of things. Please pray I get this job.


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