# A getaway/fling vs. slow n' steady dating?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Related to my other thread, and I am really not going to overanalyze this. . .since we all know that dating after divorce with kids is difficult.

What do you think of the "Immersion Dating" method vs. "Slow and Steady" method? 

Like. . .I take away a woman away for 2-3 days and we "immerse" ourselves in each other for that time and by the end, we have formulated an opinion on each other, whether we enjoy each other's company, and so forth?

Contrast to this the traditional method of trying to find time on a schedule with kids and other obligations and seeing each other on Friday and Sat. nights.

I am not suggesting that when you get off hte plane one will be ready to get hitched. . .and every couple usually travels once but later in the relationship, because traveling is bonding.

BTW. . .honestly, since we have only got to know each otehr mostly by phone, email, and text. . .sex is optional in my book. I would not want her to feel that pressure and make it clear that I would just enjoy a lovely companion for 2-3 days.

Not sure if this is the right forum - would accept a move over to dating. . .but I picked here because life after divorce faces many challenges with finding time.

What does the forum think?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SG, to keep the pressure off, do you think she'd be able/willing to pay her own way, including a separate hotel room? That way, you will still have focussed time on each other (no distractions from life and all that sh!t), but she would still have her space and a place to retreat to if she needed.

Of course, there's nothing saying that housekeeping has to make the beds in one of the rooms, if you catch my drift... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Pearbear,

Mmmm. . .I think if I suggested she pay her own way, it creates a different kind of pressure. B/c of her divorce, she is going through bankruptcy right now (her ex- doesn't pay child support and she's stranded).

She has a good job (dental hygeniest), hardly a "princess", so I am not worried about that and I am not sure if the bankruptcy is so about being bad with money as it is as much about being underwater. She's sooooo embarrassed she's in this situation as she's always been a 780 credit score kind of person.

We all know and understand - divorce is financially stressful.

I did think though I'd pay for plane tickets and hotel and she could get meals or something.

And we could get 2 double beds in teh room. . .nothing is saying we have to use both 

Okay, LOL. . .look at it this way for the guy (who usually does the spending of money - wasn't going to really talk about that. . .but since Pandora's Box is open, we may as well). Let' say I take her out on 5 dates and drop $100/date. That's $500.

By then, you pretty much know if you are clicking, right?

Well, a $1000 vacation would be definitely more of an investment of time and money, but you are getting a vacation out of it and kinda playing "house" for 2-3 days. . .well. . .playing "Motel", not quite the same thing as "house".

I don't know. . .maybe this is a bad idea, LOL.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A normal relationship has to be within the framework of a normal setting in your normal life. It would be tragic if, after weeks of Vegas and surfing and poolside drinks you each discovered you can't stand each other on the normal. And please PLEASE try to have lots of sex sober. It's important to know how you interact IF you interact that way before you embark on the slow boat to whatever.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Runs.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Wow. . .I really *am *bad at relationships. . .that makes total sense. . .the getaway isn't "real life", is it?

Well, maybe instead I should invite her over to change diapers, cook dinner for 3 boys and run them to sports? 

That way she knows what she's in for?


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

In fact, I'll tell her that all my good and wise friends at TAM said this was a better alternative, esp. Jellybeans and RunslikeDog.

WOuld you mind leaving me some contact information? She'll probably want to speak to you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol you're a mess.

Check it: I think ti's great to get away with someone but if you are travelling with the purpose of finding out whether you mesh well, than that is seems like quite a big expense only to find out you're not compatible. Plus ... what if the vacation SUCKS? 

If you are both on the same page about this vaca and just want to feel eachother out, rock on. If you are only using Mexico or Bermuda or Vegas in order to gauge whether it *could* work, then yes, that to me seems silly.

But this entire damn thread is making me wish I was somewhere tropical in a bikini with a pina colada. GRR. Hurry up, vacation time!!!!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

whatever blisters in Vegas....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Lol you're a mess.


Ya think?

I have this ongoing dialogue with this woman I am talking about whom I have a crush on. She says that doctors of all kinds are the most screwed up of all, and usually they are doing all the mental health triage to psychologists and psychiatrists.

I tell her though that personally. . . I am immune, that I am perfectly psychologically stable and in no need of therapy.

Like Frazier Crane was stable or Niles Crane was normal. . .so am I normal and stable.

I see nothing at all dysfunctional about doing this.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

"Baby I hear the blues a'calling
Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs
And maybe I seem a bit confused
Well, maybe I got you pegged.
Dont' know what do about 
Those Tossed Salad 
And Scrambled Eggs.

They're posting again."

Scannerguard has left. . .the building

What the hell is Frazier's theme song about? - Yahoo! Answers



> And maybe I seem a bit confused
> Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
> *the core of Frasier's character: He is a nutcase himself much of the time, but can analyze the problems of others *


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

ONe of my favorite Frazier episodes. . .he's at the Seatle coffee shop and keeps trying to answer the question of whether he's happy or not (originally posed by his brother Niles) and he keeps getting interrrupted, making the viewer question if they are going to get to hear him or if it is going to be left unanswered.

He never gets to answer the question to his loved ones. . .it's often a question we never get to answer ourselves in the busyness of our lives.

In the end, he is left alone with his thoughts and after ordering his latte 10 different times in his comical way and sending it back, the waitress asks exhaustedly, "Here. Are you happy now?"

He answers:

"In the grand scheme of things, yes, I think am."

Comedy done right. . .is the highest form of art, even superior to good drama. Shakespeare understood this and the writers of that show really did also.


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