# Big problem my husband likes his sister in Law



## simplysadmarriage

I have a problem right now that I really need some help. I have been married since Nov of 2015 but the sad thing is that I am not happy with my married life. It all started last year 2015 of June, when I noticed still my "boyfriend" at that time he keeps staring, looking, mingling and gives a lot of attention to his sister in law who also stays on the same house. Why I can notice that because I also stays on the same house, we are living together but not yet married on that time.

At 1st those certain observations that I notice, I keep it to myself, and did not say anything to my partner about the things I did observe from him. Until 1 month it pass on August, where I burst with too much emotion of anger, when I did caught again my husband stares his sis in law again I see it every day, staring like not the usual stare but you get notice it because his neck will move and follow where that f***k** lady goes, or even wash plates, he always notice it. But with me he can't even see or notice me that way.

By the way my husband at present was been single for 5-6 years before he met me and just a homebody person, and that means he always stays at home.. and that time his sis in law also works only at home.

I confronted him and ask if he has a crush or any kind of affection towards his sis in law. But he always denies it. He would always say why he will have that kind of affection that woman was not quite pretty like those ladies he usually seen on porn movies. 

I am thinking all the things he reason out for me, is not the right reason. I always ask myself if where have I failed him. or why he does this thing to me, if we have a fight I always end up crying alone in our room, because he choose to stay down our house where I think he just rejected all my feelings as his wife.

And also I did notice myself that his sis in law flirt with my husband , she is showing some warning signs and actions which is not the normal thing to act out. If we go down the house, then that's the time his sis in law will also go out in the room and did go to a fashion walk like teasing us, or else where we go with my husband inside the house, she also go like in the kitchen, or we cook she goes also and nothing to do. she want simple things to be notice but my husband also go with that kind of trap, and he gives her the attention. 

PLEASE HELP ME.. How to handle this frustrating situation, my own family does not that until now this problem did exist. they all know that after marriage I am living happy with my husband


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## EleGirl

You saw this before you got married. Why did you marry him?

Can you and your husband move out of the house and get your own place?


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## simplysadmarriage

Yes Because I love him, and I have thought and work hard now so we can move out from this house. But if I always insist the thought of moving out we end up in a fight or bad conversation, I don't know he can't leave this house


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## Roselyn

How old are the two of you? Are both of you employed? Can you rent on your own? You need to move out and not be in this environment. Yes, your husband is attracted to his sister-in-law.


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## IamSomebody

Your husband doesn't want to move out of that house.

What does his brother think of all this flirting and attraction (I am assuming it is your husband's brother's wife)? Perhaps he should be made aware.

IamSomebody


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## badsanta

*Re: HELP husband likes his sis in law..*



simplysadmarriage said:


> *he gives her the attention. *
> 
> PLEASE HELP ME.. How to handle this frustrating situation, my own family does not that until now this problem did exist. they all know that after marriage I am living happy with my husband


There are both emotional affairs in which someone seeks the company of another person because they enjoy the attention and conversation, and then there are sexual affairs where someone just wants to have sex and could care less about the other person. 

It sounds as if your husband is perhaps leaning towards an emotional affair. Many men do not even recognize this as a form on infidelity since there may not be any intent to have sex with this person while enjoying some underlying attraction, but nonetheless it can be just as damaging as a sexual affair. 

Sometimes men feel like they need friendships outside the marriage, and that doing that is a healthy thing to do. The problem arises when it is realized that they are not able to build friendships with other men.

You could likely confront him, and ask him if it is just a friendship and he will likely confirm it and feel that there is nothing wrong. If you ask him to end the friendship or limit it, he will realize that perhaps he has become emotionally dependent on this relationship and thus the emotional affair will be revealed to him. 

Just read about emotional affairs and have a talk with your husband to explain that this "extra attention towards another woman" can be the same as infidelity.

Try not to throw a temper tantrum about it, but instead encourage him to have friends with other men and pursue a hobby. Explain that it IS very healthy for him to have a social life outside the marriage, but it is important that it be healthy as opposed to two people seeking attention from each other as a means to escape from problems or because they have a unhealthy appreciation (mild physical attraction) for the attention.

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## simplysadmarriage

*Re: HELP husband likes his sis in law..*

Thank you for the help.. Is his sort of act does not justify that he likes his sister in law? I mean if you always look for that person face, he always stay on one place in our house where that woman was there, instead of talking and asking me how was my day from work. He won't do that, I rarely see him notice me when I do something not that kind of attention that he gives towards his sis in law. especially when that woman walks or go to sala, he will notice that, but if I do that or any action I do or movement or sample I did wash plates my husband won't notice it at all, but if that lady, even the slightest and the smallest action or movement. my husband will notice..



badsanta said:


> There are both emotional affairs in which someone seeks the company of another person because they enjoy the attention and conversation, and then there are sexual affairs where someone just wants to have sex and could care less about the other person.
> 
> It sounds as if your husband is perhaps leaning towards an emotional affair. Many men do not even recognize this as a form on infidelity since there may not be any intent to have sex with this person while enjoying some underlying attraction, but nonetheless it can be just as damaging as a sexual affair.
> 
> Sometimes men feel like they need friendships outside the marriage, and that doing that is a healthy thing to do. The problem arises when it is realized that they are not able to build friendships with other men.
> 
> You could likely confront him, and ask him if it is just a friendship and he will likely confirm it and feel that there is nothing wrong. If you ask him to end the friendship or limit it, he will realize that perhaps he has become emotionally dependent on this relationship and thus the emotional affair will be revealed to him.
> 
> Just read about emotional affairs and have a talk with your husband to explain that this "extra attention towards another woman" can be the same as infidelity.
> 
> Try not to throw a temper tantrum about it, but instead encourage him to have friends with other men and pursue a hobby. Explain that it IS very healthy for him to have a social life outside the marriage, but it is important that it be healthy as opposed to two people seeking attention from each other as a means to escape from problems or because they have a unhealthy appreciation (mild physical attraction) for the attention.
> 
> Hope that helps,
> Badsanta


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## simplysadmarriage

yES We are both employed...


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## simplysadmarriage

Actually this was a very long story, because the whole set up, was this sis in law was one of my co worker on one of my work company before, she was also the one who introduce me to the brother of his husband, that is why I meet my husband. But I dont know what happen why right now the world becomes topside down, she flirts and always seek attention from my husband and not his own hubby. why my husband? that sis in law was supposed to be my friend, the one who introduce and now that I get married to the brother of his husband, she always do this flirtations and seeking attention to destroy our marriage. And my husband is so weak and I don't know, he always jump into the trap of this flirt woman. PLEASE HELP my head is going to explode with jealousy, I am working daily so I am not 24/7 in the house. I cant monitor my husband, where that woman also works at home only, so there might be a chance of something if they are all left alone... please need advice


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## simplysadmarriage

Yes my husband does not like the idea of moving out from their family's house. 



IamSomebody said:


> Your husband doesn't want to move out of that house.
> 
> What does his brother think of all this flirting and attraction (I am assuming it is your husband's brother's wife)? Perhaps he should be made aware.
> 
> IamSomebody


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## simplysadmarriage

I am 27 and he was 38, all mature age, we also both have work.




Roselyn said:


> How old are the two of you? Are both of you employed? Can you rent on your own? You need to move out and not be in this environment. Yes, your husband is attracted to his sister-in-law.


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## simplysadmarriage

Yes I have seen that prior to our marriage vow, but I was optimistic that this will change once we get married, but the opposite thing happen and it was worst now like every month we have a fight.. every week we will argue about the same issues over again



EleGirl said:


> You saw this before you got married. Why did you marry him?
> 
> Can you and your husband move out of the house and get your own place?


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## MJJEAN

simplysadmarriage said:


> Actually this was a very long story, because the whole set up, was this sis in law was one of my co worker on one of my work company before, she was also the one who introduce me to the brother of his husband, that is why I meet my husband. But I dont know what happen why right now the world becomes topside down, she flirts and always seek attention from my husband and not his own hubby. why my husband? that sis in law was supposed to be my friend, the one who introduce and now that I get married to the brother of his husband, she always do this flirtations and seeking attention to destroy our marriage. And my husband is so weak and I don't know, he always jump into the trap of this flirt woman. PLEASE HELP my head is going to explode with jealousy, I am working daily so I am not 24/7 in the house. I cant monitor my husband, where that woman also works at home only, so there might be a chance of something if they are all left alone... please need advice


Is it possible they do have feelings for each other, maybe have been involved in an affair, and she introduced you so that he could marry you to camouflage their relationship?

Just because your husband won't move out of that house doesn't mean you can't.


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## simplysadmarriage

MJJEAN I have think about that , if he just used me to camouflage, there was also a working history that I ask my husband, they both work on same location and a place where most companies located, its very coincidence that I check their profile or resume his sis in law was also same on the year that my husband works on that area. I did ask him about that if he was not aware or even know his sis in law on that moment prior she was married to his brother. And he will just say No. And I have heard some issues in the house that his sis in law was not happy on his married life with my husband's brother , due to some vices, flirt with other women, goes somewhere as if he is single.

Help me to think clear, we always fight every month of every week because this issue will always arise, it was just like a cycle, I will confront him or ask him, he will always denies



MJJEAN said:


> Is it possible they do have feelings for each other, maybe have been involved in an affair, and she introduced you so that he could marry you to camouflage their relationship?
> 
> Just because your husband won't move out of that house doesn't mean you can't.


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## Kylie84

You need to say to him something along the lines of :" if our marriage means anything to you then we need to move out (and a distance away) from this house. It is not healthy for our marriage to remain here, we need our own space. Can this be done by -insert specified date?"
You are the only person responsible for your happiness. You have to be the one to push for this if you still want the marriage at all.
If he refuses to agree to a date then I would pack my bags and leave. It could be your overactive imagination but I don't think so, it seems to me like something has/is going on between them.

You also have to ask yourself that if you still want this marriage will you be ok never knowing the truth? Because your husband sounds like he will always deny any wrong doing, so you will probably never know.


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## simplysadmarriage

Thank you, for the advice probably I will do this later maybe I can talk to my husband softly about this one. Because last year I have brought up the topic of getting our own space and our own life, we end up arguing with each other. All I am asking him is to give our married life a privacy, if we all stay on same house, with his sis in law, everything will get worst, as well as I can't make sure if I am out in the house , because I am working.

I also notice that this attention giving, stare on his eyes, notice what are the things his sis in law will do, he always notice that, he will watch that or look or stare at her, in which he does not usually do that to me. 

There are also some occasion like birthday of his sis in law, and another event was bday of her daugher (sis in law daughter), you know what my husband did not even call me upstairs in our room. I was very busy arranging things and doing some stuff in the laptop, he did not even call me to go down, and joined the bday, I was so mad because the celebration started because I hear them singing happy bday song, and here I am in our room so mad.>




Kylie84 said:


> You need to say to him something along the lines of :" if our marriage means anything to you then we need to move out (and a distance away) from this house. It is not healthy for our marriage to remain here, we need our own space. Can this be done by -insert specified date?"
> You are the only person responsible for your happiness. You have to be the one to push for this if you still want the marriage at all.
> If he refuses to agree to a date then I would pack my bags and leave. It could be your overactive imagination but I don't think so, it seems to me like something has/is going on between them.
> 
> You also have to ask yourself that if you still want this marriage will you be ok never knowing the truth? Because your husband sounds like he will always deny any wrong doing, so you will probably never know.


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## EleGirl

So any other members of his family live in the house with you, like his mother, farther or other siblings?

There are things that you could do to find out what is going on when you are not there.


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## frusdil

Wtf is a 38 year old doing living with his family???


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## simplysadmarriage

Yes there are other people in the house, but most of the day parents are not in the house and have some business outside that would take them whole day to be out from the house. Other members also work and goes to school, so a lot of instances that both of them will all be alone daily



EleGirl said:


> So any other members of his family live in the house with you, like his mother, farther or other siblings?
> 
> There are things that you could do to find out what is going on when you are not there.


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## badsanta

*Re: HELP husband likes his sis in law..*



simplysadmarriage said:


> ... if I do that or any action I do or movement or sample I did wash plates my husband won't notice it at all, but if that lady, even the slightest and the smallest action or movement. my husband will notice..


If your husband were to change the oil on the car and the only thing he noticed is that you did not pay him any attention, but instead he convinced himself you only enjoyed attending to you brother in law visiting the house. How would that make you feel? 

Sometimes it is always good to try and imagine your situation from the other way around in order to determine what you can do to improve it. 

Badsanta


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## EleGirl

I combined your two threads. You will get better response with only one thread on a topic.


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## MJJEAN

simplysadmarriage said:


> Help me to think clear, we always fight every month of every week because this issue will always arise, it was just like a cycle, I will confront him or ask him, he will always denies


He can deny all he wants. Many people lie, conceal, and deny. But actions are telling. So far, his actions imply he has at very least an inappropriate relationship with his SIL, that you are not a priority to him, and that he really has no desire to move away from mommy and daddys house, especially if SIL is there.


This has already become a cycle. Do you want it to continue on like this or get even worse? No? Then you have to do something. And if I were you, that something would be drastic in order for him to know you are serious.

I would tell him, quite firmly and calmly, that I refuse to live with his family anymore because it is damaging to a marriage, deprives you of growth as individuals and a couple, deprives you of privacy, and inhibits bonding. Then I'd tell him that, while I understand he is a male and will notice women, the fact that he is so openly notices his SIL is both disgusting and disrespectful to you. It will no longer be tolerated. He's no longer a child, he should be capable of some self awareness and self control. Additionally, it doesn't matter if they are perfectly innocent, because the appearance of impropriety is enough to cast doubt.

Then tell him, and mean it, that you will be moving out shortly. If he is committed to the marriage and willing to monitor and control his own behavior, he is welcome to join you. If not, then you should try to make the divorce amicable.

Walk away. Give him space and time to think. Judge his response by his actions. If his actions don't say he loves you, he is sorry, and he'll behave properly around SIL, move out and file.


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## simplysadmarriage

Hi there! You know what it always breaks my heart, most of the occasions here in the house I am left alone in our room here in 2nd floor. he will only call me once the people or the friends are almost done eating. I felt that he is my husband he is supposed to include me in all of his activities and all of his life endeavors, but mostly when he talk it seems that he is focus on his self only and his family. 

I feel that he only married me for 2 reasons . 1st is for him to have a companion when he gets old. 2nd is to have someone to satisfy his cravings for sex. I did not feel I was treasured by him, that if I will be out from his life, he can't be complete. All I feel right now is rejection. No constant communication inside the house, he have many addiction (porn and online games) that he can't resist and I always remind him or sometimes if I cant control I scold him, before we get married I believe in the thought that he might change and become more mature in our relationship. But after our marriage, nothing has change. I talk to him for this observations with his staring at his sis in law , he suddenly gets mad, and I told him why? is talking to each other is also another way so we can better understand each other and so he can better explain him self.


I feel its very heavy in my heart, for feeling not a part of this family. I feel he just married simply because he wants some companion only, that whatever happen, he might treat me not Good, he always hurt me, the fact the he sees me crying most of the time. He won't even care, and still he will talk to me harshly like " what do you want? for me to be blind?? (he is referring to his staring at his sis in law) , for whatever happens, even I am breaking emotionally apart, I will be kept in his life.








intheory said:


> simplysadmarriage,
> 
> Even if you two get your own place tomorrow; you'll always know that your husband feels this way about his sister-in-law.
> 
> You'll also always have to remember that he kept staring at her all the time, right in front of you. And kept doing it, even after you told him that it hurt you.
> 
> And time can never undo the fact that she flirted, and modeled and played up to him; and he lapped it up --- knowing that it led to fights between the two of you.
> 
> He was alone for years before he married you. You say he compared his sister-in-law to porn performers; and she's not as pretty as them. So, two things:
> 
> 
> 
> If he's been alone for years; he's watched A LOT of porn. It's probably what he thinks real sex should be like.
> 
> His S-I-L, whom he is very attracted to; isn't as good as what he's seen in porn. You seem to indicate in your post that he is more attracted to his S-I-L than he is to you. So, he most likely compares you unfavorably to what he looks at in porn.
> 
> I'm saying that to emphasize reality. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
> 
> Is this what you want in a marriage? Is this all you are worth?
> 
> You got married two months ago. That's not much of an investment. You are still in your 20's. It's not too late to admit you've made a mistake; and escape from this situation.
> 
> You are not being loved, valued or desired by your husband. Your presence isn't really wanted (him not asking you downstairs to join in the birthday celebration).
> 
> Sorry.:| What's in this for you?


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## aine

Sounds like you have married into a large Asian family? 
You are so much younger than him. Marriage at 38 for an Asian man should send up many red flags as to why he did not marry earlier. 
Can you speak with the parents, try and get your MIL on your side? If that does not work, I would suggest you pack you bags and file for divorce. Tell him no marriage if you do not live seperately and he puts an end to contact with the SIL.


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## Omego

You don't have children and you have a job, correct? In that case I would advise you to take the leap and leave him. You'll be better off even if you fear being alone. There's no reason to stay in this marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

simplysadmarriage,

We teach people how to treat us. He treats you the way he does because you have taught him that it is fine to treat you that way.

Let me give you an example.

When you noticed that he was obsessed with his SIL, the healthy way to handle that was to stop seeing him. By staying with him, you taught him that it is ok for him to disrespect you like that. 

If you had stopped seeing him, and he wanted you back you could have told him that if he wants to be with you, he has to move out of his family home and change his behavior to his SIL.

When he did not let you know that a birthday party was starting, if you had put your foot down, it would not have happened again. Instead you let it go and feel humiliated. You taught him that it is ok to treat you like that.

Now you are concerned that talking to him about moving out of the family home will only make him angry so you are afraid to do it. So you are teaching him that being angry and intimidating you an acceptable way to treat you.

If you ask him to move out with you by some day, say a month from now and he gets angry. I would softly tell him that you are moving out in one month. He can move with you or not. But you will not live in a home where he is acting as he is towards SIL, where you are ignored for family events. 

Then go find a place, rent it and move out on 30 day with or without him. When you do that you will teach him that either he respects you or he loses you.

You are being run over by him, by your SIL and everyone else in that household. You need to show them that you will not allow that.


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## PhillyGuy13

You chose poorly. Leave him.

What country are you in? Can you get an annulment or divorce? Only been married 2 months.

He has been disrespectful to you before you got married, and now after you just got married (within 2 months of marriage life should be wine and roses). Instead he disrespects you, in front of his entire family. 

It will NOT get better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nirvana

What is it about the SIL that is attractive to your husband?

Is she the life of the party type? 
Is she extra ordinarily beautiful?
Is she very successful in career?
Is she a great mom?
Is she a great conversationalist in topics that your husband likes?

I think it is also important to know this so you can use this to incorporate in yourself as a Love Language type thing. Another is just to gain separation from her.


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## MJJEAN

nirvana said:


> What is it about the SIL that is attractive to your husband?
> 
> Is she the life of the party type?
> Is she extra ordinarily beautiful?
> Is she very successful in career?
> Is she a great mom?
> Is she a great conversationalist in topics that your husband likes?
> 
> I think it is also important to know this so you can use this to incorporate in yourself as a Love Language type thing. Another is just to gain separation from her.


What the actual F? 

Did you just seriously suggest OP change who she is or pretend to be someone she is not in order to get her HUSBAND to stop ogling and following around his BROTHERS WIFE?

And the whole SIL situation is just the tip of the iceberg. In addition to having no self control, no respect for his brother or his wife, and all that, he also treats her like shyte in other ways on a consistent basis.

Pro Tip: When your husband treats you like shyte, ogles and stalks his SIL around the house, and refuses to leave mommy and daddy, the problem is NOT you or your SIL. The problem is a very bad choice in husbands.


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## nirvana

No, but it is informative to know why he is behaving the way he is, if possible. No excuse for him behaving the way he is, but maybe he's checked out of this marriage completely that he does not care anymore. Maybe the OP also needs to do her part for him to be interested? 
As a man, I can easily see this to be a possibility especially since we are not there in person to figure things out.


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## MJJEAN

nirvana said:


> No, but it is informative to know why he is behaving the way he is, if possible. No excuse for him behaving the way he is, but maybe he's checked out of this marriage completely that he does not care anymore. Maybe the OP also needs to do her part for him to be interested?
> As a man, I can easily see this to be a possibility especially since we are not there in person to figure things out.


Do her part to what, exactly? Her husband treats her worse than a servant, clearly demonstrates he has no love or desire for her, and literally follows his SIL around making eyes at her.

And you forget a crucial detail. The OPs husband was behaving inappropriately toward the SIL *before* he started seeing OP and during all of their courting period. 

This problem predates OP and is NOT something she can fix. It is something only her H can fix, he's been told it's a problem, and doesn't give a fig.


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## simplysadmarriage

hays!! the staring up to now is still present, and the situation right now is that i am working outside,and I can't monitor anymore the activities of my husband.

By the way his sis in law always wears something shorts for lower and also on upper something sexy. I don't know why even if her husband is not at home.

She also has some actions like having perfume inside home even if her husband is working on field. She mostly used her dog to get the attention of my husband. or else have some perfume then walk like a Dulk in front of us.. or I mean walk like someone who wants to get a lot of attention



Kylie84 said:


> You need to say to him something along the lines of :" if our marriage means anything to you then we need to move out (and a distance away) from this house. It is not healthy for our marriage to remain here, we need our own space. Can this be done by -insert specified date?"
> You are the only person responsible for your happiness. You have to be the one to push for this if you still want the marriage at all.
> If he refuses to agree to a date then I would pack my bags and leave. It could be your overactive imagination but I don't think so, it seems to me like something has/is going on between them.
> 
> You also have to ask yourself that if you still want this marriage will you be ok never knowing the truth? Because your husband sounds like he will always deny any wrong doing, so you will probably never know.


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## simplysadmarriage

She is a home type, that is much worst because there will be instances that my H and her will be all left alone at home especially if all the people are working on field, going to school and very busy attending to activities outside the house.

She is not really beautiful, but she has white fair complexion due to many application on skin (beauty products)

She is maybe successful to career cause she earn more by having a home-base job. By the way there was an instance that my husband compared me to her, and himself like that SIL has more salary earn. But when it comes to profession I am far better than her. when it comes to bachelor's degree.

Great mom? I don't know but her daughter won't follow her most of the time

Yes maybe she is good conversationalist that few topics my husband like (games, basketball, singer OPM artist), because I dont have some the same interest on this topics



nirvana said:


> What is it about the SIL that is attractive to your husband?
> 
> Is she the life of the party type?
> Is she extra ordinarily beautiful?
> Is she very successful in career?
> Is she a great mom?
> Is she a great conversationalist in topics that your husband likes?
> 
> I think it is also important to know this so you can use this to incorporate in yourself as a Love Language type thing. Another is just to gain separation from her.


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## nirvana

simplysadmarriage said:


> She is a home type, that is much worst because there will be instances that my H and her will be all left alone at home especially if all the people are working on field, going to school and very busy attending to activities outside the house.
> 
> She is not really beautiful, but she has white fair complexion due to many application on skin (beauty products)
> 
> She is maybe successful to career cause she earn more by having a home-base job. By the way there was an instance that my husband compared me to her, and himself like that SIL has more salary earn. But when it comes to profession I am far better than her. when it comes to bachelor's degree.
> 
> Great mom? I don't know but her daughter won't follow her most of the time
> 
> Yes maybe she is good conversationalist that few topics my husband like (games, basketball, singer OPM artist), because I dont have some the same interest on this topics


Thanks SSM. The reason I ask is not to hurt you or to make you feel inadequate, but in many cases it helps to introspect.

I can relate to this in my own case. My wife is very intelligent, but circumstances made her into a SAHM and she got comfortable in that role for a bit too long (13 years). Her own younger sister was always working and more outgoing to talk to when she visited with her family. She would talk about topics of more common interest, more fun. My wife would pretty much only talk about the kids, their events, their classes, their grades, and how hard it is to be a mom blah blah. Yes, I love my kids, but I don't want to talk about them all the time. My wife has been working for about 18 months now and has become more fun and has many things she talks about that are of interest and she is no longer 1 dimensional in a self-righteous mom mode. Yes, she can open up a bit more, but it is better than earlier. 

Another thing could be your appearance. Men are very visual and want a hot looking wife. We all age, but I think health permitting, everyone should keep themselves in shape and dress well. My wife has a female coworker who is overweight and a huge paunch. She does not work out and eats out every day. She complains that her husband does not care or give her any attention. If men are expected to up their "sex ranking", women can be expected to do the same as well. As a man, I can understand the sentiment that men have in wanting to have a good looking and in shape wife.

These things may be very important to your husband. In kind of a love language kind of way. If you are not meeting this need in him, he will look elsewhere.

I don't know you personally and I don't know the details above what I have read here, but just something for you too keep in mind. Your husband may still be a $!#%[email protected]$ who does not deserve you.

I don't agree with the other posters that you do not need to change and he should accept you for what you are. Sounds romantic or even feministic but the world does not work that way. Just as he cannot become a fat unemployed couch slob and expect you to love him the same way. Men and women should both change themselves to fit in with their spouses expectations with reason. Note I said "within reason".


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## Kylie84

Nirvana I could possibly agree with some of what you have said but the fact of the matter is that they have been married since NOVEMBER 2015. Meaning if OP was unattractive it hasn't 'just happened' and her husband has married her with her looking like she does today. It isn't as if she has had years to become complacent in her appearance and is no longer attractive to him.


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## nirvana

Kylie, good points!


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## turnera

simplysadmarriage said:


> Yes I have seen that prior to our marriage vow, but I was optimistic that this will change once we get married, but the opposite thing happen and it was worst now like every month we have a fight.. every week we will argue about the same issues over again


Then you know what to do. End this sham of a marriage.

He will never change. He is either already having sex with her or WILL have sex with her within the next few months.

Move on. Tell her husband that she's having an affair with your husband and that you are going to move out and divorce him because of it, and urge him to either stop his wife or leave her.


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## Kylie84

You need to take action, simplysad. You cannot enjoy being treated with such obvious contempt and such little respect why else would you have posted on this site? Do you have parents or other family close by where you could stay with them?


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## simplysadmarriage

Hi, i d0n't have any family near on my husbands place, before when we have fights i tend to threaten him that i am going h0me to my m0m. Huhuhu he change, his intimacy to me physically was lessen. We d0nt make love anym0re



Kylie84 said:


> You need to take action, simplysad. You cannot enjoy being treated with such obvious contempt and such little respect why else would you have posted on this site? Do you have parents or other family close by where you could stay with them?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN

Your SIL can dress is short shorts and crop tops, wear all the perfume and make-up she wants and that doesn't change the fact that she isn't the problem. Your husband is the problem. The world is full of beautiful women. Your husband doesn't get a pass to follow them around and make eyes at them. It's rude, creepy, and completely disrespectful to the woman, her husband, and you.

What I don't understand is why you haven't either called him out on his bad behavior in front of EVERYONE or just simply left.


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## simplysadmarriage

For him that was n0t n0rmal that he do that ,maybe because they are t0gether in the same house for how many years. C0mpare to me that we just met a year ago, you kn0w what I always think maybe because I am n0t so attractive and hot wife, that is why he treats me this way! Is it n0rmal that wife, always ask for attenti0n to their husband?? Cause Ive been d0ing that eversince, its always me who do the effort, its me who always ask for his attenti0n,, is that healthy?.that your husband is n0t making u as his #1 priority! I am always last part, 



MJJEAN said:


> Your SIL can dress is short shorts and crop tops, wear all the perfume and make-up she wants and that doesn't change the fact that she isn't the problem. Your husband is the problem. The world is full of beautiful women. Your husband doesn't get a pass to follow them around and make eyes at them. It's rude, creepy, and completely disrespectful to the woman, her husband, and you.
> 
> What I don't understand is why you haven't either called him out on his bad behavior in front of EVERYONE or just simply left.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## simplysadmarriage

so you mean i will let other in the house know ab0ut this current behavior??? 




MJJEAN said:


> Your SIL can dress is short shorts and crop tops, wear all the perfume and make-up she wants and that doesn't change the fact that she isn't the problem. Your husband is the problem. The world is full of beautiful women. Your husband doesn't get a pass to follow them around and make eyes at them. It's rude, creepy, and completely disrespectful to the woman, her husband, and you.
> 
> What I don't understand is why you haven't either called him out on his bad behavior in front of EVERYONE or just simply left.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nirvana

simplysadmarriage said:


> Hi, i d0n't have any family near on my husbands place, before when we have fights i tend to threaten him that i am going h0me to my m0m. Huhuhu he change, his intimacy to me physically was lessen. We d0nt make love anym0re
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you American? Or from a different country or different origin?


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## turnera

simplysadmarriage said:


> so you mean i will let other in the house know ab0ut this current behavior???


of course!


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## simplysadmarriage

I am fr0m an0ther asian c0untry




nirvana said:


> Are you American? Or from a different country or different origin?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imtamnew

Why do you want to stay. Just leave. It's not worth it


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## nirvana

OP, why do you use zero in place of 'o' ?

Like ""hell0" ? Makes me wonder if this thread is even serious.


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## MJJEAN

simplysadmarriage said:


> For him that was n0t n0rmal that he do that ,maybe because they are t0gether in the same house for how many years. C0mpare to me that we just met a year ago, you kn0w what I always think maybe because I am n0t so attractive and hot wife, that is why he treats me this way! Is it n0rmal that wife, always ask for attenti0n to their husband?? Cause Ive been d0ing that eversince, its always me who do the effort, its me who always ask for his attenti0n,, is that healthy?.that your husband is n0t making u as his #1 priority! I am always last part,
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look, it's very clear that your husband is sexually and emotionally attracted to his brothers wife. It's also clear that he has little or no respect for you and is not sexually or emotionally attracted to you.

As I see it, you have three options.

1) just keep being miserably married to a jerk
2) leave
3) call him out in front of everyone for his behavior and make him stop

Making him behave in the presence of his SIL won't change the fact that he wants her, but it will at least make it so his desire for his SIL isn't so damn obvious and over the top.


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## simplysadmarriage

Thank you, i will follow number 3, i think that will make him obvious so he will eventtually stop. I Hope that will work. 

I also notice many changes from him, the moment i start working on the field, he is distant and is less affectionate, when I got home from work, he does not even urge to kiss me not like before when i used to be working at home. Now he is less caring, no time for me, i will just sleep the whole night and wake up early for work, which is very new to me, he has change a bit, now that he stays and work at home, as well as with his SIL who works at home as well




MJJEAN said:


> Look, it's very clear that your husband is sexually and
> emotionally attracted to his brothers wife. It's also clear that he has little or no respect for you and is not sexually or emotionally attracted to you.
> 
> As I see it, you have three options.
> 
> 1) just keep being miserably married to a jerk
> 2) leave
> 3) call him out in front of everyone for his behavior and make him stop
> 
> Making him behave in the presence of his SIL won't change the fact that he wants her, but it will at least make it so his desire for his SIL isn't so damn obvious and over the top.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

I'm sorry to say this but I think that calling him out in front of everyone will not work out very well. He will deny it. His SIL will deny it. 

People who cheat always lie. You need solid evidence of that is gong on before you confront him in front of others.


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## simplysadmarriage

Hi Elie what do you suggest? So I can have a solid evidence



EleGirl said:


> I'm sorry to say this but I think that calling him out in front of everyone will not work out very well. He will deny it. His SIL will deny it.
> 
> People who cheat always lie. You need solid evidence of that is gong on before you confront him in front of others.


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## shellybelly

*Re: HELP husband likes his sis in law..*

Confrontation is a bad idea, it never works. The best way is to move out of this relationship. Because such men never change, they always try to cling on to some woman. Today it is your sister in law, tomorrow even if you move out, there are lonely women everywhere. It is a big decision for you, but if you are young it is not too late. Just get yourself a job and divorce him. If you cannot divorce him for any reason, then just behave like the three monkeys who did not see, hear, or say anything and ignore all his infidelities.


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## EleGirl

Zombie thread. The original poster is not coming back. I'm locking the thread.


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