# Soooo when should you start having kids????



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

While on vacation I had rather interesting conversation with a cousin who asked me do I feel like I'm behind since I haven't started a family at age 30 I answered no I don't because of two things I haven't meet the right woman to settle down with yet and I don't want to have kids with someone i'm not marred to that's just my personnel preference... The question however did get me to start thinking about it though at what point should you start a family..





Your opinion please.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

24.

You'll be glad when you're 47, and thru with college tuition.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Difficult choices, and very individual. My ex and I waited to early 30s, and that was okay. However, I (somewhat cynically!) suggest mid-20s, so that by the time they're old enough to leave home you can get divorced and still be young enough to have a great new life ahead of you with a spouse you actually like!


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Difficult choices, and very individual. My ex and I waited to early 30s, and that was okay. However, I (*somewhat cynically*!) suggest mid-20s, so that by the time they're old enough to leave home you can get divorced and still be young enough to have a great new life ahead of you with a spouse you actually like!



Not cynical in my book just being a realist no one can predict future.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

A. When you can afford them (you have health insurance, can give them a clean / healthy home, healthy food to eat and time to be a parent)

B. When you're married to someone you're really in love with and you both can honestly say you wouldn't want it any other way.

C. You really, really, really want kids cause life will never be the same after. It is rewarding but to do it right is hard work and a lot of self discipline. Yes parenting is more about the person you are than about the kids.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I think the younger the better. We started right away at 21 and 22 and had 4 babies before I was 30. I am 43 now and our oldest is 21 and out of the house on her own. We were young enough parents to play and run around with them and hopefully we will be young grandparents running around with our grandkids one day...


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

over20 said:


> I think the younger the better. We started right away at 21 and 22 and had 4 babies before I was 30. I am 43 now and our oldest is 21 and out of the house on her own. We were young enough parents to play and run around with them and hopefully we will be young grandparents running around with our grandkids one day...



So I am too old noooooooooooo


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Oh No, Mr X....you sound very young at heart and keep fit so when you do have those babies you can run around and have fun with them 


Plus with age comes wisdom my friend


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH's answer was "Never.Why would I want to do that? Kids take up way too much time,money,and energy."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I had my son when I was a teenager. I don't recommend that. Young enough to still enjoy life when they're out of the house.Old enough that you can support them without struggling...I mean that in the monetary way AND the emotional way.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Kids come with their own very unique set of challenges and rewards, there is nothing else like it. But having them in a bad situation is not a good idea.

I think it's much better to have them when you're older if it means you're more stable and have a solidified marriage. I also wish that less people would have kids until they've been married a few years. Not having kids isn't going to ruin your life, if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.

At times being a parent, especially when you're a single parent, can be extremely stressful and difficult.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

For me it was more about what stage I had reached in my life than simply my age.

I had always had a longing to serve in the military (Royal Navy for me) but as I did not feel it would have been right to get married only to leave a wife home alone for months at a time so there was no way I would have considered becoming a father at that stage in my life (being honest about that cost me a relationship).

I did not start dating my now wife until after I left the Navy (though we did know each other) and the first of our 5 children was born when I was 29 and she was 22, our youngest was born when I was 40+ and that in hindsight might have been a bit to old as i will be of retirement age before he has finished education.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I agree you want to be in a stable relationship before you even consider it but I do think once that criteria is met the younger the better. I think the smaller the generation gap the more you understand the world your kids live in thus the better you can relate to them. Plus they're moving out of the house when you're at an age you can still do all the things you want to do.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Not too old that you're old geezer when you'd want to kick a ball around/go hiking with them. Not too young that you can't stand on your two feet financially or that you'd get get stuck on the career ladder because overtime/trips/relocation become 100x harder. I got a job that allowed a more comfortable family existence the same month the baby was born; that was close one.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

Being a father at a young age, I would say 35-40 would have been an ideal time to have kids.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> DH's answer was "Never.Why would I want to do that? Kids take up way too much time,money,and energy."


Yep--and a million and seven other reasons!

My choice was to start the kid thing about a quarter past "never"!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

For me, I was 40 and 43 respectively when my two were born, with Ms. Spin a handful of years behind me. I don’t regret for a minute being an “older” Father. But I doubt I’d have regretted being a younger Father had it worked out the other way. Family is to me, the best aspect of marriage.

For us it really boiled down to getting a lot of heavy student debt out of the way and into a position where we could financially swing Ms. Spin taking a few years off from work – which has now become 9-years. 

No regrets at all. It takes a village to raise a child and many discount the value that SAHMs like Ms. Spin (the ones that do all the home room Mom stuff, PTA, run the Scout dens and Brownie troops, etc.) contribute – not just to our children but those in the community as well.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

My first was born when I was 26, my last when I was 44. The best age to have kids? Beats the hell out of me. 

To keep this short, I had a little more energy but less patience and maturity with my first than I do with my youngest. I'm now 52 with most of my kids still at the house, and I don't mind a bit, as long as they're productive and contributing. Keeps things interesting.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

First, ask yourself why you _*want*_ a child. Really think about what you and your spouse have to offer in the moulding of this tiny person. Are you _really_ prepared to be the most influential person this human will ever know?

Reflect on your own upbringing and parenting skills and be absolutely positive that you can provide an emotionally, mentally and physically healthy environment for your children to thrive in.

Just because you were a child doesn't mean you inherently know how to raise one. If there is one thing I detest it is to hear a parent say to their child, "It was good enough for me so it's good enough for you!" For those people I'd like to slap 'em in the face with a dead wet cat.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

over20 said:


> I think the younger the better. We started right away at 21 and 22 and had 4 babies before I was 30. I am 43 now and our oldest is 21 and out of the house on her own. We were young enough parents to play and run around with them and hopefully we will be young grandparents running around with our grandkids one day...



I agree with you. I wish I had my kiddos younger. My youngest is 5 and I'm 40 this year. I'm tired lol. Some of my my friends who don't yet have kids I have told they need to get this going and fast. Infants and toddlers are exhausting. No more for me. As it stands now I will retire the year my youngest graduates from high school.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

My husband put a limit on kids, saying we have to be done by the time he is 40. We have a 1 year old and he is 35, which has worked out well. I'm 10 years younger than my husband and want to be done having kids by 30, so it's worked well for us. Perfect ages for both of us.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I agree with you. I wish I had my kiddos younger. My youngest is 5 and I'm 40 this year. I'm tired lol. Some of my my friends who don't yet have kids I have told they need to get this going and fast. Infants and toddlers are exhausting. No more for me. As it stands now I will retire the year my youngest graduates from high school.


So you can retire at 53 or 54? That sounds wonderful for you and your girls.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

COGypsy said:


> Yep--and a million and seven other reasons!
> 
> My choice was to start the kid thing about a quarter past "never"!


Thats my wife and I's answer.

Our friends, did it at all different ages.

one set, had them really young. Like early 20s. They are doing okay and all, and their kids are great. But seems to me like that's a time in your life you should be focused on you, and your spouse. Not raising babies. Heck you haven't been an adult for very long.

Another set, started in their late 20s. A little bit better time IMO, except neither of these people were very established financially at the time, and never have been able to. I've known them for about 12 years or so, and they have just barely been getting by the whole time. Seems to me without the two kids (and a still birth they both took very hard) they could have gotten their lives together and then when things were more stable had kids.

Another set of my friends, are just now thinking about having kids and they have been together for about 15 years and are in their late 30's. 

I suppose kids have their own rewards and all. But I can't imagine it, the dog is more responsibility than I want on some days.

Course every guy I know with kids says he thought the exact same way until he had them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Purely depends on the individual couple.. we married younger (early 20's) - had enough years -just the 2 of us.. so we let fertility take its course, DELIGHTED to tears when I found out I was pregnant 3 months in.. Our 1st son was so easy and a joy, I wanted to do it all over again!

Our idea was for a larger family -and to grow with our kids, to enjoy them while we were younger.... but fertility doesn't always go as we plan it...after our 1st ..we had trouble conceiving ...took another 7 years.. many tests, pokes, drugs even an exploratory surgery ..so happy I didn't wait until I was older or I might have missed having my family!..

On the other hand... My Father's mother got married around age 40 I guess, had him at age 44 or ??.... and he hated this.. .it really bothered him they were so much older.. and they never did FUN things at that point..as they were slowing down...

So what did he do.. went & got married at 18 and had me immediately .. cause he didn't want to be in Grandpa mode when he had a kid...

Unfortunately that marriage didn't work out.. so at least get the right partner , someone whose compatible with your life goals & dreams... then weigh the pros & cons to when is the best time for you both, considering juggling careers, financially, where to live/ raise them.. all of it..


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Oh yeah, be old enough that you can forfeit life as you know it for a few years. I doubt I would have had the discipline or commitment at 20 or even 25. A lot of things had to get out of my system first.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

moco82 said:


> I doubt I would have had the discipline or commitment at 20 or even 25.


IMHO parenting is a LIFELONG commitment, even when your children have grown up, left home, had families of their own they can still benefit from the experiences and knowledge of their parents.

I am nearly 50 and my sister has already past that milestone but our father is still a source of help, support and advice to us and our younger brothers. Yes it is now a two way street but he still has so much to give to us and his grandchildren.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sometimes I do wonder really, if it was all worth it, marriage, fatherhood, the stress, the panick, the nightmare of a life when the baby bells first rang - just for my little girl.

I can't say I look forward to another child, but at the same time I can't deny that my daughter is a blessing to both of us. It's strange, I can't recommend having kids, but I can't complain either.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Never.

I'm fixed now. Wife and I are in total agreement. 

We have friends who had kids who can't afford them so I think there is a wise time to have kids and a wise time to use BC. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Be responsible and be able to provide for your family and your kids before having them.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

you should have kids later rather than earlier. You should know who you are and who your spouse is, as best you can.

You should also marry and see how life is together prior to having kids. Kids multiply stress. They can multiply happiness too. But the correct age is when you and your signif other are mature enough individually and together.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

BostonBruins32 said:


> you should have kids later rather than earlier. You should know who you are and who your spouse is, as best you can.
> 
> You should also marry and see how life is together prior to having kids. Kids multiply stress. They can multiply happiness too. But the correct age is when you and your signif other are mature enough individually and together.


Agreed. My wife and I married very young (19 and 21), and we made a lot of mistakes. But one thing we did right was to spend 5 years together before we started having kids. We needed to grow up, individually and as a couple, before we took that on.


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