# Effects of Masturbation



## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

I'm 47 and married to my wife who is 41.
Sex life has been a rollercoaster for past 15+ years.
Recently we are about once a week - usually on the weekends - and sometimes it's pretty wild - so I'm not complaining.

However sometimes the mood will be right and we will have sex during the middle of the week.

I find myself not masturbating during the middle of the week in the hopes that we will have sex that night. This effects me in several ways.

1. If we do have sex it's great - I enjoy sex more when I have not MB. 
If we do have sex and I have MB it's not terrible or course - but I just always try to hold out in case we do.

2. If we don't have sex I find myself going to bed a little angry if I haven't MB. 
Whereas if I have MB I tend to be in a better mood.

3. If I don't MB AND we don't have sex I find it's not as easy for me to focus at work and spend way to much time thinking about sex. Not very productive.

So I'm curious to hear how others handle the effects of MB on their libido. Especially as respects your mood and work productivity.

Thanks

PS I've never said this to my wife but I want to - I've often wondered if the saying that goes something like - "behind every successful man there stands a woman/wife at home" - means that the woman at home is taking care of the husband sexually - so he can focus on his work better? Of course you could change this around woman vs man/husband.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Well... just talking to her and telling her this would make thing easier i'm sure. Have you put it into these words for her? (maybe show her your post??)

What/who is deciding if there is sex? Are your trying to initiate? Or waiting for her to? Sorry if these are stupid questions.

You could try to make it a fun thing... not sure where/when you masturbate but could you not wait till later in the evening and let her know that your going for a 'shower'..ask her if she wants to help 'soap you up"... or something along those lines. 

Give her first option...but make it obvious that's what your doing.

These days I rarely turn H down for sex but when we had babies my drive was much lower... he was crabby and did lots of home improvements and was very patient but our situation was short term. 

Neither of us would be very happy with once a week sex though.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Marty1966,

I'm quite familiar with those items on your list, though for "1" I would save myself for her, just in case, because I thought I might provide her with a better experience in some particular ways.

Also, when if I avoid masturbating because she hinted tonight might be the night I finally get to be intimate, then the sting if rejection is ten times worse when she finds a way to not follow through.

I wish I had an answer for you. In my case, this is no longer an issue, unfortunately. Overwhelming odds are my only chance is going to be with me, and I'm starting to reject myself too.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

lol ... well, if you get in bed and it turns out she's not interested, you can always tell her you need to use the bathroom


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Try masturbating in bed with her when you're horny. She can be there and join in and help if she's not up for more, OR, as often is the case with my W, my doing that makes her horny as often as not, and we wind up having intercourse anyway (or she'll start masturbating too, which is a huge turn on). We talked about this the other night. Fact is, sometimes one or both of us wants a "quick, easy orgasm" without the exertion and time intercourse takes on those days we may be tired or having something else going on. 

This arrangement, as I told her the other night, has left me in my first long term relationship where I've never felt any frustration at all. It works for us, and works damn well. I'll never be the guy again who "sneaks one in" while showering, in the bathroom or another room. If I wanted to rub one out 3 times a day, she loves being there, and I love having her there. Same for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I have a high sex drive, so I'll take care of myself sometimes, even though I'll have sex with my wife a few hours later. Other times, I'll even do it after sex. Most times are with porn.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

My feeling is that putting pressure on her in this way might raise the risk of pity sex. I have a strong aversion to that, so I normally just slip out and masturbate once she is asleep. She knows I do this and it doesn't bother her.

I follow the same routine as you, trying to avoid masturbating if I think we are going to have an opportunity to get busy. 

There is no doubt in my mind that going without sex or masturbation for more than a couple of days lowers my productivity.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think you need some open communication here. If you are completely open with one another, there's really no reason why whether not you're going to have sex should be a guessing game...

If lack of enough sex (for you) is causing a drop in your productivity, that is something that needs to be taken care of. Either by you or, preferably, your wife. 'Healthy' sex drives are rarely satisfied with sex once a week, no matter how good it may be.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the next time she hints about it just say how about tomorrow I ribbed one out this morning in the shower. and the give her a long romantic kiss and say I was thinking about you in the shower and you were hot!

if she cops an attitude just say well being as our sex drives are so far apart I have to take care of it sometimes is a normal thing for most people. if you don't like it we can either divorce or have more sex . but I'm not going to let you dictate what and when I need a release!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> the next time she hints about it just say how about tomorrow I ribbed one out this morning in the shower. and the give her a long romantic kiss and say I was thinking about you in the shower and you were hot!
> 
> if she cops an attitude just say well being as our sex drives are so far apart I have to take care of it sometimes is a normal thing for most people. if you don't like it we can either divorce or have more sex . but I'm not going to let you dictate what and when I need a release!


Really :scratchhead:

Is this how you suggest this man improves his communication and his marriage?

*Your attitude* oozes from every word and syllable... 

Chilly I get YOUR anger and the whys of it but how does it help OP?
He has a long term marriage with sex, sometimes "pretty wild" sex at least once a week and he's not complaining...he'd just like a bit more sex. 
How would spitting venom at his wife and threatening divorce when she approaches him for sex improve this relationship? 

I really don't get why some of you people are even married...you seem to hate your spouses.

It's very sad.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> the next time she hints about it just say how about tomorrow I ribbed one out this morning in the shower. and the give her a long romantic kiss and say I was thinking about you in the shower and you were hot!
> 
> if she cops an attitude just say well being as our sex drives are so far apart I have to take care of it sometimes is a normal thing for most people. if you don't like it we can either divorce or have more sex . but I'm not going to let you dictate what and when I need a release!



Been there, done that.

She should be taking care of her hubbies "needs" and that means having a healthy sex drive, instead of maybe tomorrow or not much at all. 

What is a guy to do? We are built on test, sex hormone, that means we have higher sex drives. We go to our women, hint, hint, romance and it doesn't happen......so after a while we do relieve ourselves and then our woman's give us an attitude? Really?! Take care of your man or he will take care of himself, simple. Can't have your cake and eat it too.....

Sex once a week isn't much at all. Do they have 2 - 3 kids? 40 - 50 hr week careers? I could see it. But otherwise, 15 minutes of sex and only once a week...........? 24 hours in a day, 7 days per week........


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I wouldn't hold out for "sometimes" there is middle of the week sex.

Either she steps it up or you need to take care of yourself.

A better mood is better than wishful thinking.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

*Marty I have your solution,*
talk to your wife tell her you'd like to have sex twice a week. Once on weekend and once during the week (initiate it on Wednesdays). Let her know that you feel like once a week is not good for you guys and you want things to be like they used to be or whatever. Just something to get her to think yea twice a week is okay.

Now you don't have to wonder. Sex on Saturday morning and Wednesday afternoon after work or when ever you guys kind of fall into.

I think you're making this more of a problem than is it. I mean it's not like you can't stay up late and masterbate if you don't have sex on a given night anyway. For that matter, in the morning or when ever.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Don't really think about it - just jack it if it feels right 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

Thanks for the respones. I don't think there is a simple solution here.
But logically I think it's important to be productive at work so I guess I will resort to MB more and just assume mid-week sex isn't going to happen. When it does it might not be as explosive but it's still great!
Be so much better if our libidos were in perfect sync!


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