# Husband told me "I don't get the KIND OF SEX I want"



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

"Now if only you were still awesome in the bedroom" Things like this along with other nasty comments, snapping at me or the kids, yelling at the dog & just being an a$$ in general makes me want to avoid him completely! Nevermind give him THE KIND OF SEX HE wants. He just told me again today "if you would just do what I want when I want we wouldn't have these problems" then hangs up on me. I cry for days at a time. He tells me it's my own fault, if I weren't so stubborn he wouldn't act like this. Am I really that crazy?! Can he honestly not see what he's doing makes things worse?!


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## Galaxy Song (Jan 5, 2012)

Do you mind me asking... What kind of sex are we talking about?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

hbgirl said:


> "Now if only you were still awesome in the bedroom" Things like this along with other nasty comments, snapping at me or the kids, yelling at the dog & just being an a$$ in general makes me want to avoid him completely! Nevermind give him THE KIND OF SEX HE wants. He just told me again today "*if you would just do what I want when I want we wouldn't have these problems*" then hangs up on me. I cry for days at a time. He tells me it's my own fault, if I weren't so stubborn he wouldn't act like this. Am I really that crazy?! Can he honestly not see what he's doing makes things worse?!


Ahhh, hbgirl. I remember going through your threads before when I responded on a previous one. Yes, your husband is an a$$. Not only that, but he qualifies as abusive in my book. And no, you are not crazy. And no, I don't think he sees much beyond his own nose.

You don't mention here in your post the kind of things that he wants you to do now, but I can almost guess based upon your prior posts.

The part I bolded bears some thinking about. Do you believe that marriage is about both people giving to the other? About both people caring for each other and being concerned about the other? Because from what you write it doesn't appear that your H seems to be concerned about what you need or what you care about. It seems decidedly one-sided and selfish on his part.

I don't know if you are in to reading, but I would recommend these for you. 

To understand your husband:
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326490035&sr=8-1

And to understand what you can do. YOU ARE in control of your own self-worth. You truly ARE the master of your own destiny, hb. Don't forget that. You deserve respect, love, and caring.

http://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Yourself-Emotional-Self-Esteem/dp/1573245690/ref=sr_1_sc_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326490159&sr=1-3-spell

Wishing you all the best.


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## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

Thanks and I'll try to read those books. I used to love to read but it's been years since I've been able to. I just needed reassurance that I'm not insane.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Sounds eerily like what my STBXH say to me.

Imagine turning 40 (traumatic enough in its own right!) and being informed that "it's time to trade you in for 2 20's." HA!


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## Galaxy Song (Jan 5, 2012)

A wee bit harsh Enchantment, that's the girls man... 
OK... How often do you have sex, of any kind, with your husband?
From what I gather on the forum, to give your all In love should not be an effort but a natural extension, no brainer. Or is it more than your prepared to give. Could you say that could be misconstrued as then putting a limit on the amount of love your prepared to give. I hate that! It's not fair!
When you love someone, for me means you would give your life to save them. Your hubby would jump to the defence if required of you and your family. I bet you would naturally expect that... But he better not ask for sex.

Have you lost interest in sex? Or are you planing on living for ever or have more than the usual one life...


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Galaxy Song said:


> A wee bit harsh Enchantment, that's the girls man...
> OK... How often do you have sex, of any kind, with your husband?
> From what I gather on the forum, to give your all In love should not be an effort but a natural extension, no brainer. Or is it more than your prepared to give. Could you say that could be misconstrued as then putting a limit on the amount of love your prepared to give. I hate that! It's not fair!
> When you love someone, for me means you would give your life to save them. Your hubby would jump to the defence if required of you and your family. I bet you would naturally expect that... But he better not ask for sex.
> ...


Ah, no. Not meant to be harsh at all.

Go read her other threads (the one entitled "One night" will likely make you cry). There's a history there and it will help you understand their relationship and why I said what I did.

@hbgirl ~

I'm pulling for you, girl! Don't give up hope.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

cherokee96red said:


> Sounds eerily like what my STBXH say to me.
> 
> Imagine turning 40 (traumatic enough in its own right!) and being informed that "it's time to trade you in for 2 20's." HA!


awwwwww, I cant wait till my wifey turns 40.:smthumbup:


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## Galaxy Song (Jan 5, 2012)

My apologies Enchantment. Ass wasn't harsh in the slightest. I wish I had read that post first...
...Now I feel like an ass...
Please forgive me hbgirl.
I'm feeling a little bit hurt myself at this time with a WS. Just cant seem to trust ladies at the moment.
I seen your initial post and felt I had to say something, me being a father and all that. It actually seems to me that this guy needs a wake up call big time. I am so angry with him doing **** like that to you. He obviously don't love you and cares even less. You must be an exceptional lady to put up with that. Even for the sake of the kids. If it were me, I would kick him out right now... Do you need any help to do it...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Galaxy Song said:


> A wee bit harsh Enchantment, that's the girls man...
> OK... How often do you have sex, of any kind, with your husband?
> From what I gather on the forum, to give your all In love should not be an effort but a natural extension, no brainer. Or is it more than your prepared to give. Could you say that could be misconstrued as then putting a limit on the amount of love your prepared to give. I hate that! It's not fair!
> When you love someone, for me means you would give your life to save them. Your hubby would jump to the defence if required of you and your family. I bet you would naturally expect that... But he better not ask for sex.
> ...


This would be true if he was not being abusive. Do you think his approach has anything to do with loving his wife and wanting to connect intimately with her? Treating her with contempt, disrepect and anger is not love. He wants to [email protected]@k her, that much is obvious because he is treating her like am object with no feelings. 

Why do you doubt your perception? Why do you put up with this abuse? You realize this is abusive and not about sex, right. The fact that you doubt yourself shows that your self esteem may be very low. If you capitulate,, you will feel even worse. does he watch a lot of pron? Studies on some men who watch porn have a decreased ability to emotionally connect with women and think of them as object for his pleasure. 

Your husbands craving for sex has made him forget you have feelings and that you married him because you were under the impression that he loved you. He may have fallen out of love and slipped into regarding you as a sex object with the sole purpose of servicing him sexually. Is that what you are? No there is nothing wrong with what you feel but there is something wrong with your husband. 

I would stop all sexual contact with him and make an appointment with a MC who specializes in sexual problems. Let him know that you feel his contempt and disrepect is endangering the marriage and you are taking a temporary moratorium on sex and you want MC to sort it  out . 

He will likely get very angry and esculate the abuse but be resolute. If he get aggressive and more demanding then i think you should ask him to leave the home. You should not have sex with a man who values you so little. I cannot imagine letting him use my body. Sex in a LTR should be mutually pleasurable, emotionally intimate, in a safe loving environment. 

None of these exist. As a wife,mindoubt that you signed up to be treated like a woman he picked up in a bar to masturbate into. Only you can determine how far you want to take this. If you don't recognize this as a serious problem and continue in the relationship with no bouderies then when the marriage ends you will be in a bad state.

Get yourself together, get therapy to help you figure out why you allow yourself to be treated this way and learn how to protect and respect your self.m


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Ah, no. Not meant to be harsh at all.
> 
> Go read her other threads (the one entitled "One night" will likely make you cry). There's a history there and it will help you understand their relationship and why I said what I did.
> 
> ...


WOW, just WOW, Get out of there girl, leave that mf with his **** in his hand, u going through that is not worth anything weather its for the kids or not, physical abuse over sex is not love and he should have more respect for you and the facts that your the mother of his kids. Sadly to say if you do stay with this ass and if you have daughters they will most likely end up with a husband like him and go through what you have. I have a sister-in-law that goes through problems, not as extreme as yours, but they all stem from her father and knowing his past and how he was relates to her choice in her current husband. What your going through is not love but physical and emotional abuse and after reading "One Night" I would physically hurt that bastard and inflict the same amount of pain that he has inflicted on you. I'm sorry you or any woman has to go through this, seeing as I was raised to respect women and it's only a turn-on if the wife is into it as much as I am, never would I do anything that would harm her or that she was not willing to do. I hope you find help or work this problem out.


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