# Interesting experience



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Before Christmas I had decided to take a new route towards rekindling my post divorce social life in the new town I live in. I decided that I would fore go "singles" events and start going to events that were about different things. So I went to Beer meet up. 
In itself it was interesting. I met some new people. There were a couple of women there, but they were there for the beer and not neccessarily to meet men and vice versa. So about a week later I get a message from one. I had barely spoken to her (there were lot's of people there and I didn't get to talk to a lost of them). She said she noticed me and I was attractive. She was very complimentary and invited me to a Christmas party as she was new in town as well.
I couldn't go to the party as I had other things going on, so I said I would contact her when I got back from my trip. So I did.

Last night we met. In the course of the conversation she told me she was not yet divorced, and that her husband was fighting it and had been. She then told me the story of being a walk away wife. She basically repeated the tale of the WAW I have heard here. And experienced myself.

She told him months ago that she was leaving. He didn't believe her. Over the 20+ years of marriage there were a series of repeated arguments over the same things that never got resolved. She finally decided there was more to life than arguing over the same thing for the rest of her life and decided to leave. So she finally left. She said in retrospect she should have left the first time. The time between her announcing it and doing it left him the idea that things had been resolved.

She said he was a good man. She cared about him. But she wasn't in love with him (sound familiar?) BUT that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life being miserable to make someone else happy. So here she is.

There were some other interesting issues we discussed as well. I just thought it was interesting to get a woman's perspective. I know we can read it here, but to hear it in real life makes it more real.


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## RisingSun (Nov 1, 2015)

I appreciate this post, and it's good to hear you're meeting women. Be careful with this one, as if her stbxh changes his ways, she might want to go back, leaving you in the dust.

Reading about her perspective makes me think about my stbxw. She would say she wasn't happy rather often, and I wonder how much I was to blame for that. In her case, she's romanticized life and the idea of happiness, it was always all about her, and she was very selfish and could be manipulative. So, while I blame myself to an extent, I remember the person I was dealing with. What it boiled down to is that we were probably just not the right fit for each other, and as much as it hurts (well, hurts me, anyway), sometimes that must be accepted.

I wish you continued luck in these meet-ups. If nothing happens with this woman, it's always good to meet new people and open yourself up to new possibilities. Best wishes.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

Very interesting conversation but yes, like other poster stated I'd stay clear of her. Enjoy dating and meeting new people, don't waste time on those who haven't closed chapters to begin new ones.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I appreciate the advice. But I have no intention of getting involved and/or hurt. She approached me, I simply took the opportunity to see if I was interested in her. In my past I had this attitude that if I liked someone or was interested in someone, then she was the only one for me. It is the reality of this scarcity that causes pain and hurt.
Now I have the attitude of abundance - there are millions of women in the world and number of whom I may be attracted to and vice versa. I don't have to settle for anyone or anything, there are always other choices. This is not some PUA idea or an arrogant statement of ego, but rather a simple acknowledgement of reality.
As a caveat to this I will also say, that I will never use, lie to or mislead another person, to get what I want. There are simply too many who will willingly offer their gifts to me to have to stoop to abusing another.
This woman, along with her story was a gift from the universe to me, as is every person you meet and every experience you have along the way. Rather than shy from your gifts, I would advise you to accept them, learn from them and grow from them.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

You are wise, Grasshopper. (Dating myself, so to speak, with that reference, there.)

If I ever meet any WAH's in my dating travels, once I start going on those, I will steer clear, as well. If they're not divorced or are but haven't been for a reasonable amount of time, I'm not interested. And if they admit they cheated, they're done before they even got started.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

I like your view on dating Ynot, I've grown to feel this same and looking back on dating (before I got married) I missed out on truly enjoying dating. I always thought you date to get a BF, I always kept a BF.. I had maybe a few months of dating with truly getting to know people. It's interesting how ones mind changes and seeing self worth, waiting until it actually feels right. You will catch a good one!


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