# Was it worth it?



## HisMrs83 (Aug 8, 2011)

That is my question to you (the person reading this). Is love/marriage really worth the heartache that seems to be the end result based on this forum?

I fell for the only man I've ever dated or loved. Now, I'm considering divorcing him because I refuse to waste time, energy and emotions (further) on something my H should already know. Which is to love, honor, protect and respect your wife/family/household... And in the event that you can't, be honest and say so. That way, we can all bow out gracefully/RESPECTULLY.

I love hard but not often. I'm 29 and I've known my H since we were 11. I'm not broken by love. But I wouldn't marry again if I divorced.

I'm sure it's hard being a man. But women carry a very heavy responsibility.

If I walk away, I can live knowing I'm ONLY responsible for my child and myself.

So, again, I ask. Was it all worth it to you?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Is love worth it? Really? You're asking if love is a worthwhile pursuit despite knowing that the relationship will end no matter what? All marriages end. Be it by divorce or death. 

Do you no longer what to receive or give love? You're young, and have many years to live yet. Many of us run the risk of living the "half lived life". Some of us already have because we never learned early enough to prevent it from happening. Do you want to live a less than half lived life?

One or more failures doesn't make you a failure. Edison learned 20,000 ways to make a light bulb that doesn't work before he made one that did. 

Take what you have learned, good and bad, and put it to work towards getting what you want out of life.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Love is worth it.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Love is worth everything. I have been inlove several times in my life time and I would not trade one of those relationships for perfect idealistic forever even if I had known where the relationships were headed in the end before hand.

Love is unreasonable, in all forms it takes, and I could go on and on. Yes love is very much worth it.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

HisMrs83 said:


> So, again, I ask. Was it all worth it to you?


I ask that question often and the problem is that you only ask yourself when the answer is 'no', so you are in danger of getting a skewed impression. 

I have just skimmed your other posts and I can see that you and your husband are locked in a power struggle. 

A lot of people seem to think that the early years of a marriage 'should' be the happiest, but I don't think that is true. The early stages are often a battleground as you both try to adjust to the new dynamic. We often get a feeling of losing our individual identity.

Men often freak out when they see their options closing down and it can take a while to realise that the option that you have taken is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Hopefully your marriage can survive until you get to that point.

I played up a bit early on and then settled down to become a decent father and husband, so just because he is acting like an ******* right now doesn't mean that he is a lost cause. He is behaving like a teenager trying to assert his independence and you are trying to curtail it, that is why the tension is so high. 

He will probably get over it in time, but my advice is to try and reduce the tension by avoiding looking like you are trying to control him, even if you are. You are right, of course, but if you use cunning rather than going for a head-to-head power struggle you will get him to see sense earlier. 

Manipulate his vain male ego by framing it in terms of needing/wanting him around rather than the 'I am not going to put up with this' approach.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

My final comment on this post.

I personally failed at love many times before I found my wife of 30 years. And then I failed again. We are divorcing. Painful for us? Yes. Are we done loving? No. Despite that my wife says she will not love again, I know it to not be true. Her love is too strong to contain. It will happen when she is ready. I will do the same. When people want to give and receive love, nothing can stand in its way.

Don't disconnect yourself from humanity. God (any deity you wish to call your god) gave us the ability to love. God doesn't make mistakes, and giving us the ability to love is clearly not a mistake. Don't disappointment yourself and God by thinking love is not worth it.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Nothing in life is guaranteed or easy. I know that you are hurting, but ask yourself what kind of life you would have without love? Who would share your triumphs, and lift you up when you are down? Who will know you inside and out, and affirm that you are special? Love is the most precious gift we humans have. Few can feel truly alive without it.

Sometimes the only way we can learn is through suffering and pain. You will come out of this experience stronger, and your next relationship will be better because of your struggles.

I always think of this quote from Aeschylus that Robert Kennedy used describing the death of his brother:

"In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I once thought it was worth it. I once thought "love was enough" but it's not enough anymore. My disillusions of love have been shattered by infidelity. I am of the same mindset now as you, if I ever were to divorce and leave (and have had serious thoughts of it) I'll never get married again.

I can't even trust myself with the choice of spouse I made 14 yrs ago. If I could go back I'd run the other way (knowing what I know now).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My marriage didn't end, it was just bumpy for a while.

It's way worth it. I'd go through all that again. Learned a lot and am still very much in love


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I think it is worth it, but I will never rush into it again.

I honestly live for love. I think we all do. 

You have to have faith... Love is what makes life worth living.

Losing it hurts, but it is going to hurt when you fall from the grace of it. 

But you can not blame love... Love didn't cause this, falling out of it did.


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## losinghope12 (Jan 31, 2012)

Love is worth it, without love what is the point of life? It makes us the people we are for better or worse.

I say this as someone whose wife has been a serial adulteress for 8 months of marriage (yes I am getting a divorce). I prefer to think of the institution of marriage to be something more than the ammoral, soulless return I got out of it from my STBXW.

If I ever find someone else, I would consider marriage again but that will be a TOUGH decision


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I have been with my H for 27+ yrs. He left me and the kids in the last few months. Heartache like nothing I ever imagined. 

YES. I'd do it over again... but pay attention to the last two years to prevent this ending. Love him and my life but I am sad he doesn't feel the same.

If this marriage ends... I will remarry if the opportunity presents itself and hope for another 25+ yrs!


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## Lost in Hell (Mar 6, 2012)

HisMrs83 said:


> That is my question to you (the person reading this). Is love/marriage really worth the heartache that seems to be the end result based on this forum?
> 
> I fell for the only man I've ever dated or loved. Now, I'm considering divorcing him because I refuse to waste time, energy and emotions (further) on something my H should already know. Which is to love, honor, protect and respect your wife/family/household... And in the event that you can't, be honest and say so. That way, we can all bow out gracefully/RESPECTULLY.
> 
> ...


It is worth it. Make sure you let him know EXACTLY what you are feeling and what he should do to make it work. He's not a mind reader.


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