# Will he cheat again?



## K.K. (Oct 25, 2011)

I have several thread's on here, but I have so many questions. I know the old saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater." Is that always true? My husband had a 10 day sexual and emotional affair with a women he met in a restaurant. If yo have read any of my other threads, you will know we are working on it. I truly believe that he is trying to change. 

Do I need to constantly be wondering if he will do this again? I don't think I can live this way. He has done everything I've asked of him. I made it clear if he ever even entertained the idea, we were finished. (and I meant it) He's been open and honest with his whereabouts, computer, phone etc. This women is from another city and doesn't know how to contact him.

What is the general opinion? Do they always cheat again? We all know that the first time's the hardest. Something like this is easier the second time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

10 days? That's it? And it went physical? Maybe it lasted longer than 10 days.

Then I'd say he'd probably do it again, yes.


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## K.K. (Oct 25, 2011)

It started as a 1 night stand. He saw her 2 times then she left town. He continued the relationship through calls and texts. I don't believe he has seen or talked with her since then. This is seriously so out-of-character for him. He has always been praised as a man of integrity. I would never have believed it if it hadn't come out of his mouth. I just don't know what to think about it. I want to think he won't do it again. He seems tortured by it and truly remorseful. I guess, I'm asking, can a person truly be sorry and not repeat these actions.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Do You know why it happened and have these reasons been addressed? If not then I think he will do, in my own experience.

Was it just an oportunity thing, if so again I think it is likely.

Anyway you will never be certain, but that is true of any relationship really. it is just whether you feel you will ever be truly happy again with this doubt in your mind.


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## K.K. (Oct 25, 2011)

The reasons he cheated, although I am not excusing it, are:
1. we had a terrible relationship.
2. Our intimacy was in the toilet.
3. We were basically roommates.

Since this has happened:

1. We are more in love than we've ever been.
2. Our intimacy is amazing.
3. We are truly building a loving relationship and enjoying each other.

So..... I feel like things are on the right track.

Had he just not cheated, we would have the perfect relationship.

I just can't help but worry, since this was so random. 

Not to brag, but I am more attractive. I have a better figure than she does. She is only a few years younger. I was shocked when I saw her picture. I would have expected better.

He says it happened because he was lonely and she made him feel like a man.


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## Hopeeternal (Oct 28, 2011)

Trust is a hard thing. it can only be rebuilt if he is consistent in the things he is doing. It can only be there if he has given you unfettered access to his email/text/IM passwords. Otherwise, it will happen again.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Well if he agrees with those reasons, and the changes that have been made, I think some good may have come out of it.

Not sure if constantly checking phones and e mails is the way forward though. Neither of you will ever feel trust, and you will become obsessed with it and never relax. If he wants to cheat this won't stop him.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

The proof is often in the actions post-affair, it is much less likely for someone to cheat again if they faced real consequences. Which is why we never recommend rug sweeping, the odds probably more than quadruple in those cases (based on anecdotal evidence here alone)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

reindeer said:


> Well if he agrees with those reasons, and the changes that have been made, I think some good may have come out of it.
> 
> Not sure if constantly checking phones and e mails is the way forward though. Neither of you will ever feel trust, and you will become obsessed with it and never relax. If he wants to cheat this won't stop him.


I disagree, I think you should snoop until you get "bored", that's the sign that you are healing. Constant reaffirmation is needed to regain trust or else the BS is left in a state of doubt and always wondering/mistrusting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Did he confess or did you uncover this?

Also, , and I hate to bring this up, but the vast majority of affairs go undetected. If you found out about this one, there are very good odds there were others.
Polygraph him.


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