# Relocation with a child



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

STBXH kicked me and toddler out of the house after I told him I wanted a divorce. He's showing vengeance because I wanted to leave him after years of emotional abuse (I went to MC alone for months, he never bothered to try because he doesn't love anyone else except himself). My family is paying rent on a crappy small apartment with no lease and I'm stuck in a legal battle. He legally kicked me out with child of marital home because it was rented and I wasnt on the lease. Now he is fighting me on each topic in divorce and obviously trying to prevent me to relocate to home state where my pay is 3x higher and I have family support all around (I have 0 here). Anyone gone through similar? Im pulling my hair out here. Separated since March.


----------



## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

I know Minnesota has a law in place that would prevent you from taking your child out of the state without the other parents permission. It's really crappy but that's the law and they probably aren't the only state.


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Yes his lawyer filed an inditement first on me so I couldn't take the child out until post-divorce. It's such a struggle here! I'm hoping the judge will see someone


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

...who is as cold to put their own kid on the streets and as selfish as he is. For that reason, this has been a nightmare of a divorce. He uses our child as the weapon.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Sorry you are going thru this but the child has a right to have both parents in daily life. Sorry... 

Moving is not an option unless he agrees.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Santa said:


> Sorry you are going thru this but the child has a right to have both parents in daily life. Sorry...
> 
> Moving is not an option unless he agrees.


With all due respect, Santa, I disagree. I totally believe that it is best if a child can have both parents as much as possible in their lives, but in this case, the man threw his child out. His rights are way below those of the child and the parent who is solely caring for that child. If zebulona cannot make an adequate living where they live to provide for her child, she should be able to move to where she can.

The courts don't look favourably on someone who treats their wife and child in the manner he has treated them. 

I hope things work out for you, Zeb.


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Thanks, Frost. Believe me, I have tried and I agree that he needs both parents. But, our drama is horrible. Currently, the father is fighting on each and every thing, not wanting to pay adequate child support or school for the little guy, whilst he lives in an oceanfront condo drinking and bodyboarding with his 18 yr old son. 
I've reached my mental limits and he said he is prepared to fight me the whole way ($$$ could be spent on child's college). It's in the judge's hands as we have shown him proof of high income job offer and the chance to live near my family to help us get back on our feet (as he does not want to pay temp alimony). After he objects to court petition for relocation, we can set the date for trial. Often the judge says here it can take more than one day in court (sometimes 2 or 3). STBXH asked me to move here for him (cross country).


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Also I would like to note he has 2 other kids he left in another state to move here for a job, their ages were 6 and 13 at the time. He seems to think there is a magical age of 7 that the bond with father and child is established and relocation will not psychologically affect a child. His younger son was 6 when he left, now at the age of 12 he still sucks his thumb and just this past year stopped carrying around his support blanket called "BB", only to sleep with it while sucking his thumb now. He shows other signs of psychological effects. 
I don't want our toddler raised through that and to establish him in a good, solid routine surrounded by love. I would like to provide him the income he needs as his father is neglecting. The statute in my state indicate as long as one parent is not relocating to keep the other out of child's life, yet to establish a life for the betterment of the child, it shall be considered. I am just very stressed as this is our lives on the line here. I struggle to make ends meet and am on foodstamps now. What would others do in my situation?


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

zebulona said:


> Yes his lawyer filed an inditement first on me so I couldn't take the child out until post-divorce. It's such a struggle here! I'm hoping the judge will see someone


Yes it sucks to be stuck there but if my wife had children then upon divorce I would certainly fight to keep them near. I'm not saying some people do not get screwed by circumstance but it's a great thing that one parent (father or mother) can not just take the kids and move.

Kicking you out of the house was pretty low and will not be looked at kindly by any judge. It's pretty damaging to his case.

questions though. 
Do you both have jobs? 
Does he help with rent or anything else?
What are the grounds for divorce?


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

zebulona said:


> Also I would like to note he has 2 other kids he left in another state to move here for a job, their ages were 6 and 13 at the time. He seems to think there is a magical age of 7 that the bond with father and child is established and relocation will not psychologically affect a child. His younger son was 6 when he left, now at the age of 12 he still sucks his thumb and just this past year stopped carrying around his support blanket called "BB", only to sleep with it while sucking his thumb now. He shows other signs of psychological effects.
> I don't want our toddler raised through that and to establish him in a good, solid routine surrounded by love. I would like to provide him the income he needs as his father is neglecting. The statute in my state indicate as long as one parent is not relocating to keep the other out of child's life, yet to establish a life for the betterment of the child, it shall be considered. I am just very stressed as this is our lives on the line here. I struggle to make ends meet and am on foodstamps now. What would others do in my situation?


UNBELIEVABLE! He left two other young children.for a job and he's kicking up a stink because you want to move for a job to better support your child.. If it didn't bother him to leave his other kids, I highly doubt he is doing this for his son. It's a power play. He kicked you out, but wants to maintain control over you. 

Document everything, with dates and witnesses if possible. Make sure the judge knows he left his other children. What, by the way, is his relationship with them now? 

What a scumbag!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> With all due respect, Santa, I disagree. I totally believe that it is best if a child can have both parents as much as possible in their lives, but in this case, the man threw his child out. His rights are way below those of the child and the parent who is solely caring for that child. If zebulona cannot make an adequate living where they live to provide for her child, she should be able to move to where she can.
> 
> The courts don't look favourably on someone who treats their wife and child in the manner he has treated them.
> 
> I hope things work out for you, Zeb.



I have been there and courts dont care about what mom or dad wants. They look at child only and if moving would hamper relationship with a parent. They wont allow it, unless he abused the child, I promise you. Not about either parent or what they want. Child has a right to have both parents in life period.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Zeb, has he initiated any contact with your child?


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Santa said:


> I have been there and courts dont care about what mom or dad wants. They look at child only and if moving would hamper relationship with a parent. They wont allow it, unless he abused the child, I promise you. Not about either parent or what they want. Child has a right to have both parents in life period.


Yea the children need to think both parents want them and love them. Even if one knows the other is a piece-o-crap. The kids will think it's their fault that dad does not want to see them.


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Frost-- it IS total power play.

Divorce reasons He is emotionally/verbally abusive. He accused me of an EA on a video game because I added a guy to Facebook and *****ed about my marriage. This was a month after our last serious fight. We have been fighting since 3-4 months of dating. Bad relationship all around. He never loved me, or his ex wife he claims. I asked for divorce, we separated 1 month, agreed on filing ourselves without lawyers and he agreed that the best scenario was to let me take our son of out state where I have family and 6-figure income. He changed his mind then got a lawyer and filed, starting a legal nightmare for us both.

I know the state and court policy is for child to see both parents. He doesn't help with anything, other than $270/mo his lawyer advised to pay. He sees our son on the non residential parent schedule: 1 overnight a week and every other weekend. (he used to see him 3-4 days a week) We are on foodstamps and I have worked part-time slowly turning full time again as Judge ordered STBXH to pay for full-time child care. STBXH dragged his feet and I chose a Montessori a block from our temp place for our 2 yr old, that is only $145/week, while Kindercare is $151/week. He doesn't agree with me on this either. I've always tried to do the best for my son.


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Santa, have you been in court for this before? Our judge granted relocation to a case before us, took a 2.5 day trial though.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

zebulona said:


> Frost-- it IS total power play.
> 
> Divorce reasons He is emotionally/verbally abusive. He accused me of an EA on a video game because I added a guy to Facebook and *****ed about my marriage. This was a month after our last serious fight. We have been fighting since 3-4 months of dating. Bad relationship all around. He never loved me, or his ex wife he claims. I asked for divorce, we separated 1 month, agreed on filing ourselves without lawyers and he agreed that the best scenario was to let me take our son of out state where I have family and 6-figure income. He changed his mind then got a lawyer and filed, starting a legal nightmare for us both.
> 
> I know the state and court policy is for child to see both parents. He doesn't help with anything, other than $270/mo his lawyer advised to pay. He sees our son on the non residential parent schedule: 1 overnight a week and every other weekend. (he used to see him 3-4 days a week) We are on foodstamps and I have worked part-time slowly turning full time again as Judge ordered STBXH to pay for full-time child care. STBXH dragged his feet and I chose a Montessori a block from our temp place for our 2 yr old, that is only $145/week, while Kindercare is $151/week. He doesn't agree with me on this either. I've always tried to do the best for my son.


Thanks for the info. Yea it sounds like he just does not learn. First marriage failed and then it does the same crap again expecting something different. I hope your divorce works out best for you. I'm sure you were not having an EA but yea be careful with marriage talk to opposite sex friend. It'll suck you into one pretty quick. 

I'll be watching to see when you know something regarding your ability to move or not?


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If there is no agreement/order for support yet, and he kicks you and the child out, that is abandonment and in most states is a crime. Countersue his a$$, Once the courts are involved, you almost always need court approval to relocate, but the original court retains jurisdiction over the child.


----------



## zebulona (Aug 15, 2012)

Thund-- you're right so I got out of that quick. No big deal there. I'll post again after the next hearing on child support...

Pluto-- you are right. He found a loophole to kick us out: I was not on the lease of the rental house so he broke it intentionally knowing I had nowhere to go but backs it up by his threatening to kick me out for a couple months before. I thought for sure it was the marital home and he wouldn't do that to our baby but hey, I was wrong! It was abandonment. He's cold and doesn't care. Let me tell you, wasn't fun in a week of hotels with my 2 yr old and a dog!


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

zebulona said:


> Thund-- you're right so I got out of that quick. No big deal there. I'll post again after the next hearing on child support...
> 
> Pluto-- you are right. He found a loophole to kick us out: I was not on the lease of the rental house so he broke it intentionally knowing I had nowhere to go but backs it up by his threatening to kick me out for a couple months before. I thought for sure it was the marital home and he wouldn't do that to our baby but hey, I was wrong! It was abandonment. He's cold and doesn't care. Let me tell you, wasn't fun in a week of hotels with my 2 yr old and a dog!


His name on lease, and his termination of the lease are irrelevant for purposes of abandonment.Having his name solely on the lease gave him the contractual right to terminate the lease. That is independent from a duty to support his family. He has a duty to provide support for spouse and child. Where he chooses to do so doesn't matter, he still must support you. I'd go after him hard.


----------

