# How to manage before separation date?



## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

My wife and I will be separating in 4 weeks; we are away from home until then, and while on travel status we cannot really have two homes with full support for our kids, etc.

Until then, we are still living in the same house. It's awkward. I badly need distance, but she suddenly wants to try and be everything she wasn't. She is trying to make me dinner (used to be a rarity), giving me little presents (unprecedented), asking me for hugs constantly (awkward), trying to set up family events for all four of us (first time in years). 

Fate is cruel: I would have LOVED all of this before the melt-down. But now it's very unwelcome and ironic. Yet I can't get her to stop it. I tell her that this is the opposite of what I need right now, and she just cries and tells me how hard she's trying. 

Does it make sense that I need to put the marriage on hold? That I don't want "date nights" with a woman who has cheated on me and whom I no longer trust? Our marriage has changed in a significant and negative way and I am revulsed at the thought of physical contact with her. I feel that if we have any chance to save our marriage, she has to stop with the incessant pressure for attention; it's only making things worse. 

The four weeks is ticking by so slowly.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

What has your marriage counselor said about the situation?


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## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

papa5280 said:


> What has your marriage counselor said about the situation?


We won't see her until we get back.

I went to an IC here and he recommended just dealing with things until we get home and then going into MC with a counselor there.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I think you should tell her exactly what you have told us (well, perhaps leaving out the physical revulsion) -- tell her that if she really loves you, she will respect you enough to give you the space you have asked for.


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## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

lamaga said:


> I think you should tell her exactly what you have told us (well, perhaps leaving out the physical revulsion) -- tell her that if she really loves you, she will respect you enough to give you the space you have asked for.


Ok, I just did this. 

She was unhappy hearing it, to put it mildly. We'll see if it works.


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