# What does an emotinally Healthy Woman Look Like?



## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

I am currently going through a divorce with a woman that I belive is emotionally unhealthy. In the relationship, there was a lot of instability, blaming, irrational outbursts, and accusations. I really tried to be a good guy but nothing seemed to "work".

I would like to get an outside perspective on what an emotionally healthy woman looks like; I guess I lack a good reference point in real life.

I know that women are emotional creatures and I try to be understanding and accepting of that but I also believe that there is a "limit" within a relationship past which it becomes emotional abuse and manipulation (that is how I felt anyhow)

The trouble I am having is discerning between the "normal" emotinoality of women and the "unhealthy" version.


Thanks all, I look forward to outside perspectives. Preferably some from Women!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

One of the most difficult things to find today is an emotional healthy _anybody._
Both males and females seem to unable to cope with the excess emotional baggage they cling to.

IMO, an emotionally healthy person is one who is honest with themselves and fully prepared to take full responsibility for their thoughts ,actions and perceptions.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

A woman who knows her boundaries and limitations. What she will and will not tolerate or allow in a relationship. A woman who is not so wrapped up in or enmeshed in another person that she loses herself. A woman who is confident, and not a doormat for others.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

is anyone truly emotionally healthy? Don't we all have our little pieces of baggage that we carry and this is what makes us who we are?

Emotionally stable is what you're looking for.Someone who can step outside of themselves and see things from the other persons point of view.Someone who can admit when they're wrong and change. There's a long list for emotionally stable but those things are a good start.

As for emotionally healthy,some might disagree with me and that's ok,but I don't think emotionally healthy exists anymore. It's how we handle our emotional hangups that make us good partners or bad partners...which is why I say you want to be looking for emotionally stable partners.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

forumman83 said:


> In the relationship, there was a lot of instability, blaming, irrational outbursts, and accusations. I really tried to be a good guy but nothing seemed to "work".


Your answer is here. An emotionally healthy woman is the exact opposite of who you married. 

I've done 3 years of IC and I'm probably one of the most emotionally healthy women you'd ever want to meet.

I'm stable. I take ownership of my own life and happiness. I no longer have irrational outbursts. I do not accuse anyone of anything. 

If I'm upset I will calmly tell you in the nicest possible way. If I want something I will ask for it. I don't expect anyone to read my mind. I have boundaries and everyone knows what they are. I communicate clearly and effectively. 

I'm VERY nice but no doormat. I know how to say no and will. I don't make excuses and I'm honest. I'm aware of my flaws and take ownership of those as well. I can also take criticism without getting upset.


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## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Your answer is here. An emotionally healthy woman is the exact opposite of who you married.
> 
> I've done 3 years of IC and I'm probably one of the most emotionally healthy women you'd ever want to meet.
> 
> ...


Awesome Mavash. Thanks for the response. You've clearly made a lot of progress from where you once were. Do you find you get better results in life with your new outlook and tools?

Do you have any theories as to WHY you may have been more "emotional" prior to therapy? Was it upbringing? Genetics? Was it the man you were with?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

forumman83 said:


> Awesome Mavash. Thanks for the response. You've clearly made a lot of progress from where you once were. Do you find you get better results in life with your new outlook and tools?
> 
> Do you have any theories as to WHY you may have been more "emotional" prior to therapy? Was it upbringing? Genetics? Was it the man you were with?


My new life is still a work in progress. But from where I came from it's freakin AWESOME!!!! I'm finally free. 

As to WHY I was emotional that's easy. It was genetics, my inherent personality, my upbringing, neglect, abuse and societies influence.

My husband is a nice guy. I would have been this way no matter WHO I married.


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## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> My new life is still a work in progress. But from where I came from it's freakin AWESOME!!!! I'm finally free.
> 
> As to WHY I was emotional that's easy. It was genetics, my inherent personality, my upbringing, neglect, abuse and societies influence.
> 
> My husband is a nice guy. I would have been this way no matter WHO I married.


Wow, very inciteful.

THere is a woman who I work with and she is divorced, has been for 10 years and never re-married. I was talking to her about the dating scene and she said that she "can't meet any nice guys, blah blah blah). So I probed her a little bit about the guy that she just broke up with.

I asked her "why did you break up with him? DId you not like him? Was he a jerk? What was it?" She couldn't give me an answer and I basically concluded that the guys were not the problem, it was her lack of contentment; or at least that's how I perceived it.

This is the way I felt often times with my wife. She was expecting/hoping/praying/wishing that I would make her happy. I kept trying to be Mr. Right while also explaining that true happiness comes from within. I used to be miserable myself before I started on a path of self-awareness/self-actualization.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

forumman83 said:


> I asked her "why did you break up with him? DId you not like him? Was he a jerk? What was it?" She couldn't give me an answer and I basically concluded that the guys were not the problem, it was her lack of contentment; or at least that's how I perceived it.


I read somewhere that 69% of men are generally nice. Not to generalize men can do this too. Some men think that someone new or more money will make them happy. I think this is an epidemic in our society. We've lost our ability to be content with what we have.


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