# Please help me, I don't know what to do.



## COtwo (Apr 15, 2009)

I am not happy anymore, after 19 yrs of marriage. I married at 17 yrs old.

My daughter is 18, son's 14.

All my husband does is play the computer, gaming world of warcraft, I can't say I never did cause we both did, but I do not anymore after realizing my kids hated it and missed us. 

I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore, our relationship is routine. I don't like sex with him anymore, been a long time since I did and I think it might have to do with the fact he doesn't seem to give me a reason to want it.

I was talking with my daughter the other day and she said to me "Why and how do you stay with him?" then she said "All he knows about me is my birthday." I am at a loss, I don't know what to do and my minds racing and I feel like I'm going crazy, that's her own father...and she thinks I should leave.

We both work full time job's and money is not one of our problems. I feel like a single mother, and I am lonely. He doe snot like to do anything I like, like watching movies, going out to my horses, hanging out with family.

Help me please,
I can't do this anymore. 

CO


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Sometimes it's more lonely being with someone than being without them. It dosen't seem like you have a marriage really... If you were to leave him you could find someone later on that would make you truly happy.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Gaming can be an obsession or addiction just like anything else. He will unlikely go cold turkey in stopping this “hobby”. Have you told him what your daughter said? As a father I would be shocked and hurt if I though my kids felt this way. Why not ask him to commit just one night a week to the family. A night to have family movie or board game night. No WOW on that night. If that goes well after a while ask him for another evening a week that is dedicated you the two of you. Alternate at who picks what to do. Again no WOW. See if that is a way to wean him away from the gaming and spend some quality time with you and your kids. If he doesn’t he will regret it, his children will be out of the house with no real connection to him before he realizes it.


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## COtwo (Apr 15, 2009)

He has been a gamer for about 10 yrs, I have tried the one night a week thing and it never stays. He does NOT know what my daughter said, but I think he knows how they feel.

I am afraid of being alone financially, I have a great career that makes it easier for me, I have a lot of friends and family as well.

He is getting a brand new computer so I know it's over, I just don't know how to leave. I have been with him over half my life, married him when I was 17, only knew him 3 months, but I feel like I have lost all love I had for him, and I really can't do this anymore, I just don't know how to do the other.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

You are strong, if you feel that you need to leave, then do it, your kids are bigger and it seems like they will support you on the decision. Leaving after so long is scary, but not impossible and with the support of the kids you will be fine and probably better alone that in bad company (that is an spanish phrase that I tried to translate hope it made sense).

He just seems to be a game addict and is not going to change. So make your decision and you will be a lot happier, as for what your daughter said, she might be right and there are some man that feel the bond should only be with the mom and not the dad, I know for certain that not all men are like that, my H will do anything for his girls and if he does not feel like he can talk to them (specially about female issues) he brings his concerns/questions to me. I always make sure the girls know that daddy had been concern about this or that or how he feels about an issue, they know he cares and that he is stay in touch with them. 

Just think hard and make your decision, it will be for the best for you and your kids. Love, support and peace is the best for all. Who knows, probably after you leave he will come to his senses and attempt to change for the better.

Good Luck

Bella


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

Be glad you have a good job and a support system. I have no one. It's hard at first, but once you make the jump it'll be easier.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

COtwo,

Don't end it without giving it one more chance.... Maybe you have a family meeting where you and the kids explain to him that you want him back as part of the family. Maybe the four of you come up with a schedule that has enough family and "mom and dad" time scheduled in that it doesnt leave enough time for gaming. I was a football junkie for years. Then suddenly I realized that I was spending my whole weekend watching college and pro games. I wasn't living my life, I was living a psuedo life through people I didn't even know on the damn TV. Anyway, I hope you can help him see what he's missing and what he is likely to loose......


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

COtwo:

Have you and your husband sought counseling to resolve the issues? If not, I highly recommend you do so...because if you do get counseling and it doesn't work out, at least you'll have peace of mind knowing that you tried to make the relationship work.

I wish you the best in your decision and hope it works out.


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## COtwo (Apr 15, 2009)

We had a power outage 2 weeks ago, and for that one night we had a great family night. It was fun. At first it was just me and the kids playing Yahtzee, then he joined in later and played some charades. That night he said WOW we should do this once a week, well guess what that hasn't ever been brought up again since the power came back.

I have given him many chances, I have seen counselors, matter of fact I take crisis intervention classes for my job, I am a Correctional Officer at a state Prison. I love my job so much.

I truly feel I deserve more than just this in my life, like I have been so unselfish that I can not take this anymore. I am grateful that I am not a suicidal person cause I can see where people would feel like that was there last choice.


I just need strength so bad and I can not find it, 20 yrs is so long. I do not feel like it was a wasted 20 yrs, I got 2 great children out of it, and I learned so much.

Please just help give me strength I need, I can't do this anymore.

Tonight while I was at work my Daughter called me there crying needing someone to talk to about her own relationship, I told her she should go talk to her dad and she said no, I do not want to talk to him, she wanted me to come home, which is impossible I work 1 hour from home and carpool. I think when she does talk to her father he just kinda makes her feel stupid, she is so smart. Both of my kids are amazing, and wonderful kids, they don't misbehave at all.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

COtwo:

As I said before, I recommend marital counseling, before you decide to divorce. I would also suggest separating and see how it goes...you and your husband may change your minds and/or behaviours and get back together.

Trust me, it's painful, because I'm going thru it now. My wife (married 21 yrs) and I have 2 wonderful children (daughter 18, son, 16) and we've been separated for over a year. We went through a lot of marital/individual counseling a year before the separation. However, because of unresolved issues, I may be filing for the divorce soon...and she understands why.

I know how miserable it can make you feel, when you're in a bad relationship...just search yourself and moving slowly, so you may not have any "what if" regrets later.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

COtwo-

This is a good example where a an ultimatum could work wonders.

There are rules to ultimatums of this nature.
1)You must be on the verge of leaving anyway, so it's not as if you are taking any additional risks.
2)Be prepared to go through with the "or I will leave" part if he calls your bluff. Never ever issue an ultimatum if you are not prepared to go through with it. It is a "nothing to lose" strategy.

Most likely, you will get his full attention. If you do, you must press home your advantage, before he re-gains his bearings.

AMP is right, he won't go cold turkey. He probably won't even go "warm turkey" without a shock to the system... As amp says, make your initial demand reasonable, then step up the pressure. But tell him right at the start that you will want to see him on WOW less and less as time goes by.

The flip side of making the ultimatum work, is the reward for good behaviour. If he does cut down, you should definitely be nice to him - hot sex comes to mind


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Under lying issues must be there, he has to have depression.


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## COtwo (Apr 15, 2009)

Laying in bed for 2 hrs feeling like I'm gonna throw up, I can't do this anymore. Can't sleep, eat, think...


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I think you should bluntly say to him, Choose your family or your computer.

If he is dumbfounded...

This weekend, go behind the computer when he is not around and take the power cord to the computer.

start to sabatoge it.

If that doesn't work....take a baseball bat to the PC.

you need to WAKE HIM UP!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> If that doesn't work....take a baseball bat to the PC.


Geeeeeez, and people say_ I'm _extreme.

Surly a simple ultimatum is the way to go here?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

LOL Mark at least i'm telling her to hit the PC here...lol


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## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

Sit down and make him watch "Fireproof" the movie, after you destroyed his computer.


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