# So who hates their spouses smart phone?



## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

So if I could pick one thing that burns me up the most it would have to be my wife's constant obsession with her iPhone. She is constantly on it, mostly playing games but will sometimes get in texting conversations that seem to last forever with the women she teaches with. I feel like I'm in constant competition for her attention with that dam phone. 

Last night as an example. We had planned on going out on a date as this weekend is going to be crazy. Well my day went haywire and I got home way to late. We went to plan B which was pizza and cuddle on the couch watching Netflix. Problem is she spent the whole 90 minutes we were together playing candy crush. Then wanted to know why my aditude was ****ty. I of course said nothing. I would t have to. She know that pisses me off. Twice I tried to make a rule that we could not use our phones for entertainment when we were spending quality time together. She wasnt having it and said no. In her defense this rule would be easy for me as I play no games and don't text much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

wow I can see why you hate her phone.her usage is outright rude.

She needs to unplug and come back to the real world.


DH got on me about my phone usage bc I was constantly texting for rescue stuff and googling various things. I couldn't argue or do anything but cut my usage down bc he was right,it was ridiculous.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

While quality time might be important to you apparently Candy Crush is more important to her. I don't play it but I understand it can be very addictive. So tell her again that quality time is for the two of you and does not include Candy Crush. And if she disagrees then you have to decide if you can continue to accept a third party, the phone, in your quality time. The alternative is to stop quality time and we see here all the time how well that works.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The smartphone isn't the problem. Your wife's rudeness is the problem.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> Twice I tried to make a rule that we could not use our phones for entertainment when we were spending quality time together. *She wasnt having it and said no. In her defense this rule would be easy for me as I play no games and don't text much.*


I think based on the above, you are enabling her bad habits

That might be the real problem.
And I wonder if this type of behaviour / response limited to her smartphone usage?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hate my wifes smart phone..but for a completely different reason then yours.
My wife used her smart phone to stay in contact with her affair partner.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... The problem I see with your stance on the phone is that you're objecting to it because you want to watch a movie/tv with her. Which is a very non-interactive thing as well. There's a reason why movies aren't a good "first date" activity. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> So if I could pick one thing that burns me up the most it would have to be my wife's constant obsession with her iPhone. She is constantly on it, mostly playing games but will sometimes get in texting conversations that seem to last forever with the women she teaches with. I feel like I'm in constant competition for her attention with that dam phone.
> 
> Last night as an example. We had planned on going out on a date as this weekend is going to be crazy. Well my day went haywire and I got home way to late. We went to plan B which was pizza and cuddle on the couch watching Netflix. Problem is she spent the whole 90 minutes we were together playing candy crush. Then wanted to know why my aditude was ****ty. *I of course said nothing. I would t have to. She know that pisses me off.* Twice I tried to make a rule that we could not use our phones for entertainment when we were spending quality time together. She wasnt having it and said no. In her defense this rule would be easy for me as I play no games and don't text much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ray, remember the book you're reading. Be calm and assertive and tell her what you need. Not saying what's bothering you, but being pissy and then saying nothing when asked "what's up?" is passive-aggressive.

And she knows it. And she relies upon you not saying anything so she can say "Well, he didn't tell me." and go right back to business as usual.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

My stbxh told me his phone was more interesting than I was.... Soon after I discovered him looking for hookups and replacing sex with me with jacking off to porn. Just saying to keep an eye out.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My XW purchased her SmartPhone not too awfully long into our "trial separation," so that she could better keep up with both of her out-of-town BF's and whereby she could better interface with basically whomever on FB, more especially whenever she was out of town and covertly running the roads with those BF's of hers!*


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

We used to have this problem. Now every time he takes out his phone I leave the room, or walk away from him. No more begging or scolding. He was a little surprised the first few times I did it, then he got annoyed, now he knows better.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

PBear said:


> Hmmm... The problem I see with your stance on the phone is that you're objecting to it because you want to watch a movie/tv with her. Which is a very non-interactive thing as well. There's a reason why movies aren't a good "first date" activity.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Sometimes if my bf wants to watch a movie I sit with him on the couch but if it is a movie I don't like, I will play around on my phone a bit. 

Also, you were the one that was late & derailed the date. I hope she doesn't do this when you are at a restaurant? 

Having said that, I have started leaving my phone at home or in another room so I don't check/answer texts when I'm out or with someone. Interestingly I find older people with smart phones are worse than teens or younger people, I saw two people in their 60s at at restaurant, both busily texting or doing something on their phones.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Openminded said:


> While quality time might be important to you apparently Candy Crush is more important to her. I don't play it but I understand it can be very addictive. So tell her again that quality time is for the two of you and does not include Candy Crush. And if she disagrees then you have to decide if you can continue to accept a third party, the phone, in your quality time. The alternative is to stop quality time and we see here all the time how well that works.


My wife's rudeness effects probably half the country and probably several of you who are bashing her too. 

To answer questions. 

Yes she is addicted to candy crush but was probably on face book last night as I didn't hear that annoying music. But I probably do enable her as it bugs the hell out of me and I rarely say anything. 

No she is not cheating as we are open with each other and know every contact in each others phone, as well as having passwords to FB, emails etc. she does not hide her phone from me, it is locked but know the code. 

As far as watching TV not being quality time. You pick what is special to you and I will pick what is to me. We were cuddling on the couch. She was lying on my lap with blankets over us watching Big Bang Theory alone in the house. With both of us working 60+ hours a week, the definition of quality time changes a little.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

When we first started dating, my SO was forever texting and checking his phone. When I told him that I found it rude and disrespectful, he stopped immediately.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

greenfern said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Sometimes if my bf wants to watch a movie I sit with him on the couch but if it is a movie I don't like, I will play around on my phone a bit.
> 
> ...


I'm aware that I was late and derailed our date. I'm a truck driver and that stuff happens. We have gotten real good at changing plans on the fly. 

If we are just watching TV or a movie sitting apart I have no issues with doing whatever on the phone. In this case we were cuddling under a blanket. That's what it bothered me

I do the same as you. Last night my phone was in our room on the charger.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

time to give her the cold shoulder. when you are spending time together and she starts with the phone.....texting,gaming,facebooking just get up and get dressed and go out. don't tell her where your going or what your doing just leave.

if she doesn't come around then either except it or move on and file for divorce.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

sh987 said:


> Ray, remember the book you're reading. Be calm and assertive and tell her what you need. Not saying what's bothering you, but being pissy and then saying nothing when asked "what's up?" is passive-aggressive.
> 
> And she knows it. And she relies upon you not saying anything so she can say "Well, he didn't tell me." and go right back to business as usual.


Wow. Guess I had that comming. In my defense I'm only on page 15. Right after I posted this I let her know how I felt about it and she apologized. I do appreciate you calling me out on it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're right. To each your own. In which case, talk to your wife about what "quality time" means to her.

I had a relationship with one GF where we were very comfortable and happy just sitting in the same room together and reading. Didn't have to be talking or otherwise interacting, didn't have to be reading the same book. Point is, we were both comfortable with that. Maybe your wife is just happy being in contact with you, and doesn't think it matters if you're doing/watching the same thing? He'll, I'd be happy laying with my SO while she watches DWTS, but I'm not necessarily going to be able to give her a book report on who did what kind of dance. I'd probably be on my iPad or reading a book, but I'd be WITH her. I would expect/accept the same from her if I'm watching a hockey game.

I still wouldn't consider any of that as super "quality time". To me, quality time is interacting with each other. Talking about how your days went, what your plans are, what you'd do if you won the lottery... Having sex also counts. . But anything where you're getting shushed for talking? Not so much. And if you're both working 60+ hours a week, it seems it would be even more important to make your quality time truly quality. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> Wow. Guess I had that comming. In my defense I'm only on page 15. *Right after I posted this I let her know how I felt about it and she apologized.* I do appreciate you calling me out on it though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right on. You missed your first shot? Fine. Letting her know after is better than not letting her know, being angry and resentful and then getting mad inside.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

greenfern said:


> Having said that, I have started leaving my phone at home or in another room so I don't check/answer texts when I'm out or with someone. *Interestingly I find older people with smart phones are worse than teens or younger people, I saw two people in their 60s at at restaurant, both busily texting or doing something on their phones.*


I see young and old and everything in between guilty of this. It's not fair to throw that any particular age group. My wife and I have a simple pay-as-you-go mobile without so much as a camera (ten year old Nokia used for emergencies), want NOTHING to do with smart phones, and are always aggravated when we go out and see couple all over the place, not speaking to each other, looking at 3" screens.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I maybe a bad example, cause my X was talking to men alot on hers, but yeah..it used to chap me bigtime that she would obsess on her phone. She used to go to our kids soccer and baseball games and be the ONLY patent in the stands to be on her phone and not paying attn to the games at all. In the car, on the couch, ALWAYS on the phone.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

My H is ALWAYS on his phone. Internet, games, anything he can to not interact with any of us. He even takes the damn thing into the bathroom to listen to Pandora when showering. He uses it while in bed and more often than not doesn't even bother taking his headphones out for sex. Dinner is a joke. The kids and I talk, he plays on his phone. Drives me absolutely NUTS. I don't even own any personal electronics... and if I get up and walk away, he won't care. The one time I said something about it, he got pi$$ed off and threw it, breaking it, going all martyr on me. Then he went and bought an upgraded, more expensive one the next day. So all I got out of confronting him was a new expense. 

I now refer to it as "the other woman". Not in a joking, laughing way, but with pure hatred seeping out of my pores.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

MyHappyPlace said:


> My H is ALWAYS on his phone. Internet, games, anything he can to not interact with any of us. He even takes the damn thing into the bathroom to listen to Pandora when showering. He uses it while in bed and more often than not doesn't even bother taking his headphones out for sex. Dinner is a joke. The kids and I talk, he plays on his phone. Drives me absolutely NUTS. I don't even own any personal electronics... and if I get up and walk away, he won't care. The one time I said something about it, he got pi$$ed off and threw it, breaking it, going all martyr on me. Then he went and bought an upgraded, more expensive one the next day. So all I got out of confronting him was a new expense.
> 
> I now refer to it as "the other woman". Not in a joking, laughing way, but with pure hatred seeping out of my pores.


My wife is not nearly that bad by a long shot. But I have called her phone "her boyfriend", and she hates that. The using it during sex thing would put me over the edge for sure. I can't imagine telling people I'm in marriage counseling because of my spouses cell phone habits. 

Flat out told her how I feel about her cell use. She said she will work on it. We went to dinner last night and it just sat on the table in front of her. I could easily see the battle se was going through to leave it alone. It was funny to watch and sad at the same time. I moved closer, held her hand and played with her hair. I could tell my touch helped her a lot. This might be worse thank thought, but she seems willing to fight it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> So if I could pick one thing that burns me up the most it would have to be my wife's constant obsession with her iPhone. She is constantly on it, mostly playing games but will sometimes get in texting conversations that seem to last forever with the women she teaches with. I feel like I'm in constant competition for her attention with that dam phone.
> 
> Last night as an example. We had planned on going out on a date as this weekend is going to be crazy. Well my day went haywire and I got home way to late. We went to plan B which was pizza and cuddle on the couch watching Netflix. Problem is she spent the whole 90 minutes we were together playing candy crush. Then wanted to know why my aditude was ****ty. I of course said nothing. I would t have to. She know that pisses me off. Twice I tried to make a rule that we could not use our phones for entertainment when we were spending quality time together. She wasnt having it and said no. In her defense this rule would be easy for me as I play no games and don't text much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did she want to watch the movie or did you say "Hey, let's watch a movie?" 

Not that I think it's okay to play on the phone either way, but maybe she was bored and didn't like the movie.


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## mace17 (Jul 12, 2013)

Not saying being rude is acceptable under any circumstances, but if the 2 of you are snuggling together on the couch and having good quality cuddle time, does it really matter if she's playing a game on her phone or staring at the tv with you? I understand at a restaurant or where you would be interacting it would be rude to be on her phone, but watching tv isn't exactly interactive. At least she was cuddled with you.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Of course, as with most things we talk about on TAM, smart phone use isn't the problem itself, but rather a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*SmartPhones truly are not the problem ~ they are nothing more than a mechanical vehicle of legitimate means, just like a plethora of other ones, that is greatly used in a wanton, self-serving decision of the WS to help perpetuate the problem! 

It would be like blaming an automobile for largely the very same thing, provided that the automobile was used by the WS to transport themselves, say over to the "No-Tell Motel" for a pre-planned sordid rendezvous with their cheating counterpart!

Nothing more; and nothing less!*


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

I have posted on this before. I love my wife and hate her iPhone. I constantly ask her to put it down. Usually it ends in an argument of some kind. I wish it would end, but don't hold out a lot of hope that it will. 

There is ALWAYS a reason that is completely valid to her about why she NEEDS to be on her phone. 

I know I don't have a lot of answers, but at least some empathy. I can completely relate!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

My wife spends her nights on the TV instead of interacting with me. It never dawned on me to blame the TV.

Then she'll come to bed and read until she falls asleep. Ditto on blaming the book.

If there is no TV or books, she'll get some of her work out of the way at home. Never thought of blaming her job.

Do you see where I'm going with this?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife used to snoop every day on my smartphone for 2+ years. It was a source of a lot of fighting. One day I smashed the phone into pieces. Now I have a regular no data flip phone. Nothing there to look at. Here's the kicker she has a smartphone. I have never looked at it and honestly don't care to.
So she hated mine. I could care less. More time her being on her phone less time she is breaking my balls.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My wife hates my iPhone. But then, her idea of spending quality time is to help pressure wash the garage, so team iPhone wins by a landslide.

Spouses complaining about their significant others' smartphone would do well to check whether they have anything to do with it...


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Folks, most of you are right, but I would go further.

Who says that an affair, especially an EA, has to be with a live human being? That's what's going on here. The smart phone users are having a serious affair that is alienating affections and hurting marriages.

The only saving grace is that few will leave their spouse for a smart phone.

My advice would be to CAREFULLY treat this as an emotional affair. Set limits. Set consequences. If this does not happen you will lose your spouse.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Who needs intimacy when there are Angry Birds!!!

Would we say the same about TV, steamy novels, and many other areas of spousal distraction?


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> My H is ALWAYS on his phone. Internet, games, anything he can to not interact with any of us. He even takes the damn thing into the bathroom to listen to Pandora when showering. He uses it while in bed and more often than not doesn't even bother taking his headphones out for sex. Dinner is a joke. The kids and I talk, he plays on his phone. Drives me absolutely NUTS. I don't even own any personal electronics... and if I get up and walk away, he won't care. The one time I said something about it, he got pi$$ed off and threw it, breaking it, going all martyr on me. Then he went and bought an upgraded, more expensive one the next day. So all I got out of confronting him was a new expense.
> 
> I now refer to it as "the other woman". Not in a joking, laughing way, but with pure hatred seeping out of my pores.



I'm willing to give Ray a brief pass... he is a recovering Nice Guy and he is starting to stand up for his rights... even though he still was being passive about this.

But what I want to know is why did you incur a new expense?

If I had been in your shoes I would have canceled that phone out the very next day - damn the expense too. What difference does it make if you pay the penalty? You are going to pay even more over time with the bigger expense. And when Hubby gets upset you can tell him that only responsible children get to have cell phones.

But I am assuming that you have already told him very clearly that you will no longer tolerate his being disconnected from you and the family.

Unfortunately I think electronic devices are contributing more to the demise of family and familial communication than even TV has been blamed for.


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