# No No Chase me!



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

haha.. what a title huh?

anyways...
just wondering while being in a relationship if the woman should always have the man to chase her? and if yes, what does it do for him?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I was thinking about this in my next relationship, that I want to be pursued. With my marriage, and my two girlfriends prior to that I was the one that did the chasing.

Now I'm not talking about playing games, but it would be nice for the woman to be the one to really win me over.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

it should go both ways in my eyes. but i have heard that you should leave a man wanting more even if you have been with him for sometime. true?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

You are right, it should be both people equally expressing their desires, wants, passions for each other.

As for leaving a man wanting more, I think that can go both ways too.

By the way, nice profile picture ;-)


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No games in a loving relationship. Flirting is one thing, but seriously, do you think you should NOT fulfill the promise of the flirting? Flirting is intended to arouse, and to arouse without delivering (in a committed relationship) is the opposite of loving. The real trick is in knowing how long you can flirt and draw out the arousal stage--but guys are pretty good about making that end point obvious (ha, no pun intended).


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

definately no games! ( i meant strictly for each other) sorta like teasing maybe just in the way you dress or how you give the last look to your man walking out the door. but flirting i have read is good for people?, my boyfriend says being too friendly is flirting? what!?


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> haha.. what a title huh?
> 
> anyways...
> just wondering while being in a relationship if the woman should always have the man to chase her? and if yes, what does it do for him?


I think both people should chase each other equally...

Let me pose a question to you, what does it do for you?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

makes me feel wanted and sexy, makes me want to give more than i could ever want to give to someone else. just wish a certain someone (bf) would do it. i do.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

BK,
There are a large number of men who cannot distinguish between "friendliness" and sexual interest. Those men will interpret you being friendly, as you wanting to date them. Once, 20 years ago, a steroidal ape named Harlan, started talking to my wife at the health club we belonged to. He took her friendly response as interest. And his behavior rapidly became stalkerish. I followed him into the mens room and told him to stay the fvck away from her - I was really, really angry - and he got that and backed up. Still ugly situation - and no I am not a jealous guy, that's the only time in 23 years I have done anything like that. So yes - as the female it is your job not to create situations where other men get "confused" about what you want.




bkaydezz said:


> definately no games! ( i meant strictly for each other) sorta like teasing maybe just in the way you dress or how you give the last look to your man walking out the door. but flirting i have read is good for people?, my boyfriend says being too friendly is flirting? what!?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

You can and should tease him on your way out the door and he should rip your clothes off when you get home that night.



bkaydezz said:


> definately no games! ( i meant strictly for each other) sorta like teasing maybe just in the way you dress or how you give the last look to your man walking out the door. but flirting i have read is good for people?, my boyfriend says being too friendly is flirting? what!?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Keep running. Maybe you'll find someone willing to put up with your high maintenance bullsh^t.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

bkaydezz said:


> what does it do for him?


Keeps him engaged. Keeps him busy. Burns up excess testosterone. Activates primal dna.

A lot of men are confused in the modern age. They try to do the right thing but they get a lot of conflicting messages. It's very helpful to make sure your message gets heard by the right person


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Keep running. Maybe you'll find someone willing to put up with your high maintenance bullsh^t.


haha what? high maintenence? someone cant read something fun when they see it:lol:


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I don’t mind the pursuit.. Actually I sort of like it. However, when it becomes ‘my duty’ as spouse, that sucks. I mean it really sucks to essentially get in trouble because you didn’t pursue when she wanted to be pursued. 

I’ll give you the long term results that should be obvious; The man ends up ‘only getting some’ when he pursues. This leads to feeling you are unwanted by your own wife, Afterall, if you don’t make any effort, she won’t exactly make efforts. So, trying to ‘get some’ from someone who doesn’t seem enthusiastic about your affections gets old. Less effort, more entitlement of just making it your duty. That attitude leads to more rejection. That reinforces the ‘I’m unwanted’ feelings. That leads to resentment and feelings of entitlement from both. That leads to the gatekeeper ‘pre-flight checklist’ and the male perspective of being “owed sex” because he ‘earned it’. Welcome the downward spiral where something is gonna break when it crashes: Porn, affairs, divorces, disrespectful behaviors, etc. 

Basically, a woman should pursue if she wants to pursue. Why talk yourself out of it and what on earth do you think you are gaining from it?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> definately no games! ( i meant strictly for each other) sorta like teasing maybe just in the way you dress or how you give the last look to your man walking out the door. but flirting i have read is good for people?, my boyfriend says being too friendly is flirting? what!?


to friendly is flirting avoid that especially if you are married. 

But i would agree the man will want more and if she returns to some degree interest than he knows but if she gives him a little and he takes the rest knowing what he can get. That is the best feeling and you feel so accomplished knowing you got the GIRL.

I would say however in long term relationships and especially marriage the woman SHOULD chase the man back. I mean you are married dont always feel that you have to be conservative and let him take you. When married and as the years start to rack up i think most men would love for their wives to chase them (if you know what i mean). 


It should go both ways in long term relationships or marriage imo


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> haha what? high maintenence? someone cant read something fun when they see it:lol:


It's a generational thing. I'm past the point where these games amuse me. If I'm lucky I'll chase her over a cliff.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

runs like dog, why are you assuming its a game?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

i agree with everything that each of you have said (except- runs like dog, until you figure out that i meant no harm in this post...)

now, i asked this question because i had read online a while back that it was good for each other in the relationship to chase each other and leave each other wanting more, as in spicing things up a bit and making it fun. i just wanted other takes on it and it seems like everyone is agreeing with it which must mean that it is true. so thanks guys!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

bkaydezz said:


> runs like dog, why are you assuming its a game?


That has been my experience. I live with someone who thinks chick movies are documentaries.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

If someone has the energy to run away when chased (and they want to be caught) why not stay and use that energy to make the relationship better. 

I'm with RLD.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

this is one of the major problems in many long term relationships, both parties eventually stop persuing each other like they likely did when they were dating


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> If someone has the energy to run away when chased (and they want to be caught) why not stay and use that energy to make the relationship better.
> 
> I'm with RLD.


no no no...im not talking about running away from anything. i am talking about being fun and spontaneous IN the relationship. 




rld, we all no they are just fantasy for people, some may actually be factual but really, is love that easy for people? no, you have to work on it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Stop running I'm breathing too hard to aim this crossbow.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

no thank you, im not out of breath yet....


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

bkaydezz said:


> haha.. what a title huh?
> 
> anyways...
> just wondering while being in a relationship if the woman should always have the man to chase her? and if yes, what does it do for him?


I don't know if there's a standard answer for this. I think if your a traditionalist, the man chasing the woman seems ideal. 

I'm a traditionalist myself, and would like it if sometimes the woman did do some chasing herself.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've been married 21 years. My husband loves it when I chase him. He's quite content to be the passive one. It took me years to accept this fact about him. He will chase just not as much as maybe I'd like. I'm so over it now. I'm thinking as long as we end up together what does it matter who chased who. As long as he responds happily to me I'm good.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i stopped chasing my wife when she stopped letting me catch her


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

ahw :/ sad...


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## IseeU (Jul 13, 2012)

I used to make my H do all the work...until he decided it was too much work and he found someone 'easier'.

I wish i hadn't played this game now.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

It is great to feel that the other person desires you. I however have not felt that in a very long time in my current relationship. So then you begin to feel less desirable. Is that wrong?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

IseeU said:


> I used to make my H do all the work...until he decided it was too much work and he found someone 'easier'.
> 
> I wish i hadn't played this game now.


thats unfortunate and i'm sorry.

thats a lesson for all married people, men and women, work together or drift apart


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> It is great to feel that the other person desires you. I however have not felt that in a very long time in my current relationship. So then you begin to feel less desirable. Is that wrong?


no. i think it comes with that. feeling less desirable because your partner isnt showing you that he/she thinks you are.
its sad really. we pursue each other quite often. its usually playful, as that is in both of our personalities..
i dont know why you get past the honeymoon stage and the nall of a sudden nothing isd to work for. its almost like i have you i got what i want and now i dont have to work anymore. its the complete opposite. you have to work for everything! but isnt it worth it whe nyo uare snuggling each other as your falling to sleep?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I see you have deleted your early posts. I cannot believe you are now on here talking about 'chasing' this man. You really need to open your eyes, girl. HE ISN'T WORTH IT. He is emotionally abusive towards you!! And using you for sex - nothing more!

PLEASE wake up.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

bkaydezz said:


> haha.. what a title huh?
> 
> anyways...
> just wondering while being in a relationship if the woman should always have the man to chase her? and if yes, what does it do for him?


 This subject fasinates me in a way...because I married the passive shy guy type... he has admitted he eats it up when I chase him -he'd be perfectly happy with women coming on to him, that puts a big  on his face. He sees no allure to "the chase" - but does understand, as a man, if you want something, you have to be "MAN ENOUGH" to go after it.....initially...do that pursuing...put himself out there and say...."I really like you, can we take this a step further".. 

Which he did do with me, thankfully. Because although I am a friendly woman, I would never chase a man. I feel it is their place and generally ends better with this set up, I am very old fashioned in this way. Every guy I ever had my eye on in the past -never knew. I want to be something that catches HIS eye, the cat's meow, I would never take this away from myself...I'd wait it out. 


Once a man allows himself to be vulnerable in this way, then I would see sheer equalness, no games. Invite receptiveness, "comfort" in his wanting me. 

I did a thread on this once in the Men's Clubhouse to gleem other men's views on this...it seemed the more ALPHA a man IS, the more he revels in "*the chase*". ..... this feeds his lust for a challenge...uprising his Test levels when he can take a specific woman and bring her to her knees...with his charm. All in the game of love, the harder she is to get, somehow the higher her value. Some feel so strongly in this....they automatically look upon women who pursue men ...as "desperate"... a turn off. Some do not even want her to initiate sex TOO MUCH after the vows, He feels that is his role. Just depends on the man. 

I sat in a Nursing home days ago talking to my 96 yr old Grandfather...talking over his life, his secrets... learned my grandmother (now passed away) chased him, even asked him to marry her.... she won him...or did she......he admitted he was never "in Love" .....how romantic love was supposed to be -so he said. How very sad... how many yrs did they spend together....66 ! I guess he had a few affairs too, almost left her once. Yes, my Grandfather had some nasty secrets in his closet. I think she knew and just put up with it. 

I know another couple where she chased him, wanted to get married quickly, he was a bit wish washy but never head over heels it seems... he succumbed, now they are having marital issues, she is trying to keep him on a leash.

Of course this is not always the case.... I don't feel it is wrong either way ....but if a woman gets the slightest hesitation from a man... if he is not treating you like the pearl you are, showing you Respect in the relationship, time, being happily receptive ....but leaving you hanging, feeling he has more power to take advantage cause YOU are smitten... you are likely headed for a whirlwind of trouble & many problems.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I see you have deleted your early posts. I cannot believe you are now on here talking about 'chasing' this man. You really need to open your eyes, girl. HE ISN'T WORTH IT. He is emotionally abusive towards you!! And using you for sex - nothing more!
> 
> PLEASE wake up.


Fwiw, it takes time to formulate a decent response and deleting them...shows you don't care for the advice given/time spent. Just some advice for the future, but I won't be spending anymore time on your threads.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

occasionallybaffled said:


> Fwiw, it takes time to formulate a decent response and deleting them...shows you don't care for the advice given/time spent. Just some advice for the future, but I won't be spending anymore time on your threads.


well, FWIW its not your place to judge the person you THINK i am based off of my choice to delete my own thread. i do appreciate each person that has expressed there opinion and whether it be rude or concerened it stills matters to me. i could easily call you ignorant for claiming that i do NOT care for the advice or time of others. But that would be rash considering that i do not even know you. right? so my advice for you in the future, dont be so hasty.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

ahw simply amourous, that was very enlightening!!!! and you are right when women pursue, they do seem desperate and its very sad that men view it that way. im just so curious as to how your grandpersnt spent 66 years together and he wasnt in love?!!? do you think he was before the affairs? everyone has secrets in there closet. i have several. many lessons learned, i can say that much. to me everything in life is easier said than done. i am glad you shared this with me. do you have the link to the thread you started about this?


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Fwiw, it takes time to formulate a decent response and deleting them...*shows* you don't care for the advice given/time spent. Just some advice for the future, but I won't be spending anymore time on your threads.



bkaydezz said:


> *well, FWIW its not your place to judge the person you THINK i am* based off of my choice to delete my own thread. i do appreciate each person that has expressed there opinion and *whether it be rude or concerened it stills matters to me. i could easily call you ignorant for claiming that i do NOT care for the advice or time of others.* But that would be rash considering that i do not even know you. right? so my advice for you in the future, dont be so hasty.


If you are posting information online, on a forum, I can guarantee that you will be judged and given advice/opinions. 

There are areas in life where it doesn't really matter what you mean, but how it is expressed. I merely said that it "shows" you do not care. Unless you are deleting threads/posts because you are worried about staying anonymous (someone finding you) or for legal reasons... it does come off as being rude. 

I may be off base, but keeping every post can benefit you as well. This forums is one huge reference. If you stay on this forum for a decent length of time... seeing how you once thought in the past and comparing it to where you are now, can be a valuable tool. Ultimately it is your decision, but others can learn from your success and mishaps, as well. 

Take it easy on the Capital letters, "yelling" doesn't usually help the situation and FWIW, no one here is out to get you.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

I'm on both sides of the fence for chasing. I agree that it shouldn't just stop once married. It's like the equivalent of letting yourself go... whether it's appearance or emotionally. However, if one person is doing the chasing (or both alternate)... the instigator has to have a playful drive. It reminds me of puppies and their parents. The parents will play with the puppy for a while (wrestling/nuzzling, etc) but at some point... the adult gets tired of it and the puppy always wants more. I agree with others in that there would have to be fair balance. Last thing you want is one spouse irritated with the other... over such a trivial misunderstanding.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

occasionallybaffled said:


> Fwiw, it takes time to formulate a decent response and deleting them...*shows* you don't care for the advice given/time spent. Just some advice for the future, but I won't be spending anymore time on your threads.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





I actually deleted 3 posts. one about wanting marriage, i cant remember the other and one about random things my bf is doing and saying to me. i wanted to delete them because i didnt feel like i had explained well enough in them what i was trying to say and fully giving all details needed. i was going to re-write them and post them back up. when i get frustrated i tend to just focus on what is affecting me instead of the whole situation. i dont want ot make my partner look bad and of something he is not. i was really mad in one that i posted and felt bad after i wrote it. but besdies that it is nice to know that i can change in my views so i understand that as far as keeping them and looking back on them. the comment you made about noone beeing out to get you, that may be true but its easy to misinterperet (sp?) writing when you cant hear the tone behind it. FYI... i am not yelling!  i enjoy this site. i get inpatient with what i have to say sometimes. i dont mean harm to anyone and i feel bad if i hurt someones feelings. i want to be the person that people can talk to. not runaway from.

i have nothing to hide, and no legal reasons. my bf has all my passwords to everything that i am linked to online. hes aloud ot see it. i couldnt imagine how i would feel if he was on something i didnt know about.

i do care about others. i care that i hurt feelings by deleting. and i hope others can see that. i know it takes tiem to write a response and that the other person should be grateful for it.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

bkaydezz;913673[B said:


> ]I actually deleted 3 posts.[/B] one about wanting marriage, i cant remember the other and one about random things my bf is doing and saying to me. i wanted to delete them because i didnt feel like i had explained well enough in them what i was trying to say and fully giving all details needed. i was going to re-write them and post them back up. when i get frustrated i tend to just focus on what is affecting me instead of the whole situation. i dont want ot make my partner look bad and of something he is not. i was really mad in one that i posted and felt bad after i wrote it. but besdies that it is nice to know that i can change in my views so i understand that as far as keeping them and looking back on them. *the comment you made about noone beeing out to get you, that may be true but its easy to misinterperet (sp?) writing when you cant hear the tone behind it. FYI... i am not yelling!  *i enjoy this site. i get inpatient with what i have to say sometimes. i dont mean harm to anyone and i feel bad if i hurt someones feelings. i want to be the person that people can talk to. not runaway from.
> 
> *i have nothing to hide, and no legal reasons.* my bf has all my passwords to everything that i am linked to online. hes aloud ot see it. i couldnt imagine how i would feel if he was on something i didnt know about.
> 
> *i do care about others. i care that i hurt feelings by deleting. and i hope others can see that. i know it takes tiem to write a response and that the other person should be grateful for it.*


There's a difference between post and thread. 

It is easy to misinterpret. :iagree:

I was just throwing out examples. Some members going through divorce end up deleting posts so it can't be twisted against them.

And no worries, my feelings weren't hurt... but my post count was


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

post count? 

and good! glad you are tough!

hey let me ask...what is a Troll?


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> post count?
> 
> and good! glad you are tough!
> 
> hey let me ask...what is a Troll?


Getting off topic, oh well.
<<<<-----Posts: (think I'm in the 390s)

A troll is in basic terms... a jerk. Some create accounts and spam threads (advertisements or post unbelievable stories in multiple threads). Some criticize in every response/try to purposely agitate legitimate members, etc.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Sorry. I just needed to ask someone. I had asked earlier in another post but no response. 

gotcha as far as the posts go. so if you delete, it also takes away from the members number of posts? it shouldnt, but that just my opinion. at least it could show you tried right?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

bkaydezz said:


> ahw simply amourous, that was very enlightening!!!! and you are right when women pursue, they do seem desperate and its very sad that men view it that way. im just so curious as to how your grandpersnt spent 66 years together and he wasnt in love?!!? do you think he was before the affairs? everyone has secrets in there closet. i have several. many lessons learned, i can say that much. to me everything in life is easier said than done. i am glad you shared this with me. do you have the link to the thread you started about this?


It was one of the threads I deleted (sorry no link).....Reason...because after so many replies... I was feeling my husband sounded a little strange -since he never had that 'ummph' for "chasing" , which sounded like a normal male trait....considering the way the majority of the guys were answering...but not all.... There were definitely guys who felt women should equally put themselves out there, and they'd welcome it !! I feel if the man is shy & introverted, you will have much better success in catching him as these ones often would enjoy a pursuing from a woman! 

My husband told me - if I turned him down the 1st time, he'd be gone... he doesnt' try again, he is a very sensitive one, rejection is not something he enjoys...and if the girl says No, she means NO, he doesn't pester. He would put himself out there only once. Good thing I didn't say "no" ....or I'd have to turn around and chase him... if I changed my mind. Ha ha -- who knew!

I wish I wouldn't have deleted it -oh well. It was interesting. 

My Grandmother wasn't no saint either... she had an abortion that she kept from him.... when he learned of it, I don't think he ever forgave her... He has mentioned this many times throughout the yrs to me... the affairs were after this knowledge... No excuse I know. 

I was just listening, ya know.... I don't need a PURE view of my Grandfather, I'd rather learn the truth, the why's behind what really was. 

I don't know why he felt he was never in love -he used the expression of "Romantic Love", he never had this... this is the kicker here.. it is almost funny..he is in his 90's.... he has this GF who is a single woman in her 50's who comes & sits with him, he calls her his girlfriend and told me he feels more for her than he ever did for my grandma! 

He was in a band in his younger yrs... alot of temptation there, dances every weekend....that is how they met... they used to win contests together...What they had in common...then the kids started coming. She was home with them, he was still playing .... He always seemed to be around in later yrs .... Seemed a normal marraige to me -from looking from the outside. 

But at the same time, he just seemed the type that always had a roving eye. What can you do. He makes it sound like many women were after him...he's always been quite the flirt.... Seems to keep him young at heart anyway. He is a feisty old goat for sure, still mentally sound too with his memories intact.


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