# Letting your children know how much they upset you....good or not?



## madimoff

I'm guessing not, depending on the circumstances. Currently single-parenting, (dad in his home overseas for another 4 days) 9yo and I have had a week of not too bad behaviour (him not me!), plenty of him & me playing stuff, etc... but today, for reasons I can't explain, he's shifted to badmouthing me, refusing to do the homework he knows is expected by both me and Dad, ignoring my various requests to tidy after himself, and essentially just saying NO at all turns. 
Not too unusual, maybe, but I'm left spluttering and stuttering because I'm trying to not shout, not lose it yet I have no answer if I try to tell him how rude or upsetting his behaviour is and all he proceeds to do is talk over me. 
Obviously I've been doing stuff wrong for some time for it to get to this stage, but where to start to right things I'm struggling to figure. 
Oh, on top of which I said the only thing I could do was refuse him the tennis session he is due to start tomorrow morning and he said 'ok then' .... Dad, I know, will be fuming not least because of the waste of money. Any way back from that one if he shapes up bigtime?


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## BigToe

There's this thing called "spanking". Works great on kids. Use it.


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## madimoff

BigToe said:


> There's this thing called "spanking". Works great on kids. Use it.


Thanks for the reply, not sure if tongue in cheek but he has (at times) little enough respect for me as it is. A stand-up fight to aim an accurately non-damaging smack to a strong 9 year old is not my idea of imposing credible authority. 
That said, as is obvious I haven't yet cracked what IS successful credible authority from me to him.............


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## BigToe

madimoff said:


> A stand-up fight to aim an accurately non-damaging smack to a strong 9 year old is not my idea of imposing credible authority.


And therein lies your problem.


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## golfergirl

BigToe said:


> And therein lies your problem.


I think your son enjoys upsetting you. I think you need to be drastic as he's 9 - wait a few years until he's 15. You need to start when H isn't there for a long time to undermine and interfere. When H is gone, you strip son's room down to bare essentials - bed, pillow, blanket and you pick his clothes and lay them out for day. No games, no video games, books, TV, movies etc. He learns you must supply bare essentials for him (shelter, food, clothing), the rest are extras that you allow him. He earns them back with cooperation and respect. He disrespects you, he loses something he earned back. It will take awhile and you have to be detached and unemotional and matter-of-fact. And H has to be gone because he messes you up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madimoff

golfergirl said:


> I think your son enjoys upsetting you. I think you need to be drastic as he's 9 - wait a few years until he's 15. You need to start when H isn't there for a long time to undermine and interfere. When H is gone, you strip son's room down to bare essentials - bed, pillow, blanket and you pick his clothes and lay them out for day. No games, no video games, books, TV, movies etc. He learns you must supply bare essentials for him (shelter, food, clothing), the rest are extras that you allow him. He earns them back with cooperation and respect. He disrespects you, he loses something he earned back. It will take awhile and you have to be detached and unemotional and matter-of-fact. And H has to be gone because he messes you up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Scary. Possibly justifiable but scary, not least because son & Dad speak most days on the phone so I'm in for a pasting about how I'm 'treating' him. 
Wish I had the b#lls to show some of folks' posts to OH. Undermine is a word we both use - sometimes I recognise he has a point, I'm not sure he yet credits I do know anything about child development and how they can play parents off, etc.Thanks anyway.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

He's spent the whole week with you, a grown woman, what about unstructured time with his buddies? IMO He needs to have room to practice confilict resolution around males, his own age. Also room to resolve inner conflict and self-management.


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## greeneyeddolphin

You need to take control of the situation instead of letting him control it. You are the parent and you need to to set that parent child relationship. You are not friends, not equals. When you tell him to do something, it's not a request, it's an instruction. If he doesn't follow that instruction, there is a consequence. Period. 

And you and your husband need to stop being divided. Your son is using the fact that you two disagree on how to deal with him to his advantage. He knows that he can get away with stuff because he can go to Dad and Dad will yell at you and you'll back down. He needs to know that whatever you say, Dad will back up, and whatever Dad says, you will back up. As long as you two continue to disagree, he will continue to be out of control.


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## madimoff

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He's spent the whole week with you, a grown woman, what about unstructured time with his buddies? IMO He needs to have room to practice confilict resolution around males, his own age. Also room to resolve inner conflict and self-management.


I didn't mean to suggest that was 24/7 - though we do live in the countryside AND far from school so he has few friends within easy distance - a dynamic we would love to change but for the economic situation.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

madimoff said:


> I didn't mean to suggest that was 24/7 - though we do live in the countryside AND far from school so he has few friends within easy distance - a dynamic we would love to change but for the economic situation.


Kids that age really need to be with kids quite a bit.
That's how they learn social and emotional development.
It's possible he could invite a friend over for a few days.
I'm no stranger to a rural environment, my son was always being called off for a few days to a friends' and in return sometimes I would have one of his friends for even up to a week.

You might try an overnight camp or even day camp you could volunteer at an organization that has activities for kids in exchange for him being there. Economics are a barrier, but when push come to shove a kids' development is not going to be able to rationalize with being alone, which most times being with an adult at home, beyond the norms or desire, is the same as being alone. 

When I have my kids and they get antsy I take them to a park where they can be with other kids. They quickly run with the crowd/gathering, even if those kids are unknown to them. In my neck of the woods, this is normal. School play-yards are generally open to the public all year round outside of school hours. We have town greens where kids gather to play. 

Then for some they find it is nice to take in a Fresh Air kid, that is, they host a child from the city who would not otherwise have the opportunity to experience the countryside. They don't need a lot of bells and whistles, the countryside for them is the big experience.


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## Runs like Dog

W/o screaming and being a crazyperson what's wrong with pointing out their behavior is destructive?


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## golfergirl

madimoff said:


> Scary. Possibly justifiable but scary, not least because son & Dad speak most days on the phone so I'm in for a pasting about how I'm 'treating' him.
> Wish I had the b#lls to show some of folks' posts to OH. Undermine is a word we both use - sometimes I recognise he has a point, I'm not sure he yet credits I do know anything about child development and how they can play parents off, etc.Thanks anyway.


What would you like to see? It sounds like you'd like to 'explain' to your son that his behaviour upsets you. Truth is, he doesn't give a rat's patootie. He does not respect you and he wants his own way. For whatever reason, his dad gets pleasure out of treating you with disrespect and watching him (9 year old) do the same. You have to fix issues with dad first before this will fix. If this same dynamic continues to teenage years, God help you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In my experience boys that age like camping, fishing, bike trips, hiking, building forts (tree or otherwise), having a BB gun or a bow and arrow, roller blades or skateboard, fishing, learning how to swim, and the chance to earn the right to own a jack-knife. They also like Harry Potter books, Roald Dahl, roller coasters, and Super Mario. As well as lots of pizza and a hot breakfast. Seasonal activities such as sledding/skiing... a dog is really nice if not then chickens are fine to take care of. And a book about their bodies and their physical development, that explains as well about girls. Access to friends without too much meddling. And a cool night out once in a while, even if it's camping in the yard or an astronomy club outing where he gets to stay up late. Mom gets higher on the priority list and respect list if she can make this happen, more or less regularly, while also improving his self-esteem by making sure he gets his chores and homework done in due time so that he has time for the fun stuff. Your country's 'countryside' must be vastly different than mine. :-(


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## madimoff

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In my experience boys that age like camping, fishing, bike trips, hiking, building forts (tree or otherwise), having a BB gun or a bow and arrow, roller blades or skateboard, fishing, learning how to swim, and the chance to earn the right to own a jack-knife. They also like Harry Potter books, Roald Dahl, roller coasters, and Super Mario. As well as lots of pizza and a hot breakfast. Seasonal activities such as sledding/skiing... a dog is really nice if not then chickens are fine to take care of. And a book about their bodies and their physical development, that explains as well about girls. Access to friends without too much meddling. And a cool night out once in a while, even if it's camping in the yard or an astronomy club outing where he gets to stay up late. Mom gets higher on the priority list and respect list if she can make this happen, more or less regularly, while also improving his self-esteem by making sure he gets his chores and homework done in due time so that he has time for the fun stuff. Your country's 'countryside' must be vastly different than mine. :-(


I recognise all the suggestions being made with regard to outings, friends, etc., but HN1 is on the money ref countryside - yip it's VASTLY different. Population sparse, facilities negligible, weather at both extremes.... It's at home I need to address this, I think/thought; I'll have to contemplate what's been said about socialisation and see what can be done.:scratchhead:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

madimoff said:


> I recognise all the suggestions being made with regard to outings, friends, etc., but HN1 is on the money ref countryside - yip it's VASTLY different. Population sparse, facilities negligible, weather at both extremes.... It's at home I need to address this, I think/thought; I'll have to contemplate what's been said about socialisation and see what can be done.:scratchhead:


Are there any rural outreach organizations who could sponsor a kids' program?
Necessity is the mother of invention, you might have to take out an ad or contact a parent's group at his school. Sometimes people are embarassed by their lack of social ties, so they stay at home thinking everyone else is out having fun or has their ducks all lined up. Being honest to others about your isolating situation with regard to husband's work will reap benefits, it is a difficult situation so nobody is going to say you aren't doing a good job just because you're reaching out when it's appropriate, or that you are to blame for kids' issues. Kids are kids. They all have issues. It does take more than a parent, that is a community, for kids to realize that the behavioral expectations are more than mom and dad's weird ideas 

I think you are doing a good job. I also don't think your child is the next big thing in tv crime movie dramas. He sounds normal to me.

And hey, what about you? Besides this forum, what do you do for fun and relaxation for yourself? Not what you settle for because of your responsibilities, either. But what you might have given up? Don't forget about yourself. Maybe it would be something you could share with your son. I like to birdwatch, and my kids love doing this.

A couple nights ago I was driving slow down my road after dropping off daughter for a sleepover...and I got swooped by an owl who was using my headlights to hunt big bugs and mice. Exciting! (Last week a bear walked past my front door...) My kids are super excited just with wildlife sightings.


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## madimoff

As a kind of response to something in your (HN1) last post, I made a point this morning of telling (son) that I realised he was probably missing playing with his schoolmates - which he naturally denied. That I knew if he didn't go to summersports today (which had been on the cards with his behaviour yesterday) he would miss out and that I was the only one who could make today happen... so he would be going despite me saying yesterday that he really shouldn't. 
Though he didn't say much, and he didn't suddenly smarten up his act ref concentrating when I spoke to him etc., he was fine about going, etc and even contacted me during, on his (supposedly emergencies only) mobile to let me know how good it was. 
So... one more morning off the hols passed without unpleasantness! Only xxxxxxxx to go..
Ref church/outreach/parents etc., I totally understand everything you're suggesting but seriously I live in a rural part of an essentially rural country where the native language is not my own (son is fluent, of course) and parent associations just don't exist in the same way as I've previously been accustomed to. So all the good ideas in the world along those lines are not going to work (not being ungrateful, just saying)
which ultimately means, as I've been wittering on about all along, it's down to me and dad. 
Oh, and yes there's a big part of my gut says he's essentially normal, it's only the undermining bit (him and dad vs me or however anyone chooses to define it) that's really any kind of issue.


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> I'm guessing not, depending on the circumstances. Currently single-parenting, (dad in his home overseas for another 4 days) 9yo and I have had a week of not too bad behaviour (him not me!), plenty of him & me playing stuff, etc... but today, for reasons I can't explain, he's shifted to badmouthing me, refusing to do the homework he knows is expected by both me and Dad, ignoring my various requests to tidy after himself, and essentially just saying NO at all turns.
> Not too unusual, maybe, but I'm left spluttering and stuttering because I'm trying to not shout, not lose it yet I have no answer if I try to tell him how rude or upsetting his behaviour is and all he proceeds to do is talk over me.
> Obviously I've been doing stuff wrong for some time for it to get to this stage, but where to start to right things I'm struggling to figure.


Buy the books. 



> Oh, on top of which I said the only thing I could do was refuse him the tennis session he is due to start tomorrow morning and he said 'ok then' .... Dad, I know, will be fuming not least because of the waste of money. Any way back from that one if he shapes up bigtime?


Tennis is related to the transgression, how?


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> Thanks for the reply, not sure if tongue in cheek but he has (at times) little enough respect for me as it is. A stand-up fight to aim an accurately non-damaging smack to a strong 9 year old is not my idea of imposing credible authority.
> That said, as is obvious I haven't yet cracked what IS successful credible authority from me to him.............


You don't need to spank him. You need to get effective from the ground up.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Tennis?
That doesn't sound rural :-o
Egads, next summer ship him off to Camp Nominingue.
It's in Quebec. Specialty in boys needing adventure 
The have kids come from all over the world.
Nice place.


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## Mom6547

golfergirl said:


> What would you like to see? It sounds like you'd like to 'explain' to your son that his behaviour upsets you. Truth is, he doesn't give a rat's patootie. He does not respect you and he wants his own way. For whatever reason, his dad gets pleasure out of treating you with disrespect and watching him (9 year old) do the same. You have to fix issues with dad first before this will fix. If this same dynamic continues to teenage years, God help you!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I disagree about fixing with Dad. That may not even be POSSIBLE. She can learn effective discipline skills and then be able to expect decent behavior from him.


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## madimoff

Mom6547 said:


> I disagree about fixing with Dad. That may not even be POSSIBLE. She can learn effective discipline skills and then be able to expect decent behavior from him.


Mom, I understand your priority is sorting me/son/discipline - in fact a large % of my gut agrees. There's just this 'impossibility divide' of (usually about) 10 days - I get that long with 9yo on my own then dad's here. We both want him here, and for the family as opposed to me and son or OH and son to thrive, it has to be 'we 3'....but in terms of discipline how tf can I create a turnaround in such a short time? 
(no, I haven't yet ordered the book..... where would I have them send it?)

nb doesn't mean I'm ignoring your suggestion, lest you think I am


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## unbelievable

I tried very hard to not respond or react to my kids from a point of emotion. The problem is not them, it's their behavior. You don't punish because they made you upset but because they broke the rules and punishment is the logical and certain consequence of rule-breaking. I recommend you don't "request" a kid to clean up a room. Their room is where they live but you say what the cleanliness standard will be. If it's not to your standard, they don't watch TV, play video games, etc. Telling a kid they make you mad is telling them that they have power over you. You are the adult, they have no power over you (as far as they know). Your will be done. You don't argue with them, plead with them, and rarely do you explain squat.


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## madimoff

unbelievable said:


> I tried very hard to not respond or react to my kids from a point of emotion. The problem is not them, it's their behavior. You don't punish because they made you upset but because they broke the rules and punishment is the logical and certain consequence of rule-breaking. I recommend you don't "request" a kid to clean up a room. Their room is where they live but you say what the cleanliness standard will be. If it's not to your standard, they don't watch TV, play video games, etc. Telling a kid they make you mad is telling them that they have power over you. You are the adult, they have no power over you (as far as they know). Your will be done. You don't argue with them, plead with them, and rarely do you explain squat.


Shi'ite.... you see part of me agrees wholeheartedly and the other n per cent thinks 'but I'm trying to raise a child who understands stuff' and not the kind of kid I was, raised to do things just because my mother said so. Not that she was ever abusive, you understand, just a very conservative bringer-upper. 
I think I should explain I'm upset so he understands more about consequences. I think I shouldn't explain I'm upset because I'm the parent and he should be doing what I ask 'because'. Most teachers (at least of primary children) would say which would be the more constructive option. I think. !


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> Mom, I understand your priority is sorting me/son/discipline - in fact a large % of my gut agrees. There's just this 'impossibility divide' of (usually about) 10 days - I get that long with 9yo on my own then dad's here. We both want him here, and for the family as opposed to me and son or OH and son to thrive, it has to be 'we 3'....but in terms of discipline how tf can I create a turnaround in such a short time?


You do what is right for YOU and your CHILD for the rest of your life. It sounds like you have to set limits with OH as well. You don't have to get on the same page by capitulating to your OH. You learn skills, execute them whether he is there or not. If he does not back you, then you set limits with HIM. Hell share the books with him. Or go to your pediatrician and say, I want to learn about this. I would like you to support me. I want to tell my husband that you recommended these books to me.... Something like that. Call to a higher authority.

But this is not about your OH. This is about raising your son to be able to take his place in the world armed with the best of character, integrity, problem solving skils, etc..

No you are not going to "turn around" nine years of ineffective discipline in 9 days. You aren't even going to get the books read in nine days.



> (no, I haven't yet ordered the book..... where would I have them send it?)


I confess I don't understand this. Are there really places in the world where you have internet access but not postal service? 


> nb doesn't mean I'm ignoring your suggestion, lest you think I am


No no. It is a pet thing of mine. It is our children who suffer when we muck up. (I say as my son storms off in frustration at me. Sigh.) So I wind up sounding all fired up.

In my OPINION there is a crisis in the USA (no idea anywhere else) of poor parenting strategy and tactic. From uber punative, pavlovian behaviorists to far swinging pendulum the uber permissive My Poor BBAAAAAYYYYBEEEEE folks. We don't have a cultural intelligence around child rearing. Yet for many, seeking actual information seems to equate with something missing/wrong with them. 

It is important to our culture, our public policy and our world to raise children who are confident, have REAL self esteem, not yo yo accomplishment self esteem, can solve problems both practical and interpersonal, understand that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN ACTIONS AND THE CONSEQUENCES THEREOF.

And can recognize a really bad run on sentence.


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## golfergirl

madimoff said:


> Shi'ite.... you see part of me agrees wholeheartedly and the other n per cent thinks 'but I'm trying to raise a child who understands stuff' and not the kind of kid I was, raised to do things just because my mother said so. Not that she was ever abusive, you understand, just a very conservative bringer-upper.
> I think I should explain I'm upset so he understands more about consequences. I think I shouldn't explain I'm upset because I'm the parent and he should be doing what I ask 'because'. Most teachers (at least of primary children) would say which would be the more constructive option. I think. !


Three things I have learned
1). Don't put obstacles in front of a positive - tennis is positive don't use it as leverage
2). Punishment fits crime. If he broke tennis racquet against wall- fine no tennis lesson because no racquet. Other than that - find something related to problem.
3). Reward good behaviour.

My 3 year old is a tough nut. I downloaded book to my e-reader that Mom6547 recommended. I also realized my son is bored silly. He's surrounded by adults and a baby. His behaviour has improved big time since I enrolled him in day care a few mornings a week. I still think you need to get H on board. Kids know how to manipulate to get their own way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl

golfergirl said:


> Three things I have learned
> 1). Don't put obstacles in front of a positive - tennis is positive don't use it as leverage
> 2). Punishment fits crime. If he broke tennis racquet against wall- fine no tennis lesson because no racquet. Other than that - find something related to problem.
> 3). Reward good behaviour.
> 
> My 3 year old is a tough nut. I downloaded book to my e-reader that Mom6547 recommended. I also realized my son is bored silly. He's surrounded by adults and a baby. His behaviour has improved big time since I enrolled him in day care a few mornings a week. I still think you need to get H on board. Kids know how to manipulate to get their own way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I lost my thought lol - can you download book to computer? Kobo let's you buy books and download to your computer.
And by getting H on board, I mean where he doesn't discuss or dismiss you in front of son. Unless you've flipped out, if he disagrees, he calls you out of room and decide together. He's teaching son he doesn't have to listen to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madimoff

Mom6547 said:


> (SNIPS)
> I confess I don't understand this. Are there really places in the world where you have internet access but not *((GUARANTEED))* postal service?
> 
> It is our children who suffer when we muck up.


 (1) YES THERE ARE UNDERLINED BOLD HIGHLIGHTED ETC ETC
(2) you're right
(3) that I should sort my own discipline with 9yo, I agree however the caveat of the 10 days/10 days stands: how to overcome that? 

Golfergirl: correct I shouldn't take away positives. Today kind of proved that theory. (and your #2)
#3 I haven't really got to grips with. My error and sad, but true. 
Hadn't looked at the possibilities of e-books. Personal reason to be anti (they give smaller royalties to author!!!!)
OH teaching son he doesn't have to listen - well thankfully that's not 100% true but unfortunately it is at least partly. 
thank you all for your continued input. I'm trying to put in train those things I feel able to.............


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> (1) YES THERE ARE UNDERLINED BOLD HIGHLIGHTED ETC ETC
> (2) you're right
> (3) that I should sort my own discipline with 9yo, I agree however the caveat of the 10 days/10 days stands: how to overcome that?


I don't really understand what is to overcome?


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> (1) YES THERE ARE UNDERLINED BOLD HIGHLIGHTED ETC ETC


It's like twenty bucks worth of books. Live a little and take a risk. What in life is guaranteed?


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## madimoff

Mom6547 said:


> I don't really understand what is to overcome?


Right. Simples. I follow (whatever) method of imposing reasonable, sensible, discipline in *my* household with *my* son. It starts to take effect. 
*ping* ... wrong. Son speaks to dad on phone. Son tells dad about x y or z thing I've done and as soon as I speak to dad he's questioning my reasons, having already (apparent from audible answers from son to dad) asked son what it was all about. 
Then..... 
(insert random examples similar to above) 
dad arrives. Both son and I love him (notwithstanding parenting issues) and he is 'on son's side'. 
I can't explain this very well, as to why he would be, other than being a late in life dad and wanting the best for his son at all times. 
But that's the situation. 
As to the $20 maybe I'll take the chance, but having lost a number of obvious present/parcels in the past, it could be the proverbial hiding to nothing.............. (e-book was the less risky suggestion


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> Right. Simples. I follow (whatever) method of imposing reasonable, sensible, discipline in *my* household with *my* son. It starts to take effect.
> *ping* ... wrong. Son speaks to dad on phone. Son tells dad about x y or z thing I've done and as soon as I speak to dad he's questioning my reasons,


Go back and read pretty much everything ever written to Cherrypie. 



> having already (apparent from audible answers from son to dad) asked son what it was all about.
> Then.....
> (insert random examples similar to above)
> dad arrives. Both son and I love him (notwithstanding parenting issues) and he is 'on son's side'.


You have so many issues with Dad. Perfect world you have united front. But you don't live in a perfect world. Stick to your guns. Make progress. Maybe Dad will follow.



> I can't explain this very well, as to why he would be, other than being a late in life dad and wanting the best for his son at all times.
> But that's the situation.
> As to the $20 maybe I'll take the chance, but having lost a number of obvious present/parcels in the past, it could be the proverbial hiding to nothing.............. (e-book was the less risky suggestion


Yah that's a drag that you don't have good postal service. It is what it is. I wonder if SuperNanny has a website. Turnera likes her.


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## turnera

unbelievable said:


> I tried very hard to not respond or react to my kids from a point of emotion. The problem is not them, it's their behavior. You don't punish because they made you upset but because they broke the rules and punishment is the logical and certain consequence of rule-breaking. I recommend you don't "request" a kid to clean up a room. Their room is where they live but you say what the cleanliness standard will be. If it's not to your standard, they don't watch TV, play video games, etc. Telling a kid they make you mad is telling them that they have power over you. You are the adult, they have no power over you (as far as they know). Your will be done. You don't argue with them, plead with them, and rarely do you explain squat.


 Exactly. My DD knew that my rule was law. Period. If she transgressed, she had consequences. Period. If you don't (insert whatever chore he's supposed to do), you don't (insert game, computer, phone). Period. Make it logical to him. 

Huh. I'd better do what she says or I love my video game. That's what kids understand.

Add in the talks about why you're doing what you're doing - the logic of it. But never waver from expectations and consequences.


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## turnera

madimoff said:


> Right. Simples. I follow (whatever) method of imposing reasonable, sensible, discipline in *my* household with *my* son. It starts to take effect.
> *ping* ... wrong. Son speaks to dad on phone. Son tells dad about x y or z thing I've done and as soon as I speak to dad he's questioning my reasons,


So what?

YOU are there, he is not, it's YOUR job to raise your son when you are with him. He can question til the cows come home, but you WILL discipline your son as you need to. 

Stop worrying about keeping your husband happy on this. It's not about your relationship with your husband. It's about doing the right thing to raise a conscientious, respectful, logical son who learns he can't manipulate people.


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## turnera

Mom6547 said:


> I wonder if SuperNanny has a website. Turnera likes her.


OMG, yes! I'm pretty sure you can find her shows on the Internet somewhere, or else rent DVDs. I recommend her to EVERYONE because she instills discipline in a LOVING, logical way, so that the kids learn who's boss and yet still feel loved. By all means, watch her shows. And, you'll start to see a pattern: adult is boss, kids get punished for transgressions so they learn to stop transgressing, parents ensure kids feel loved and wanted and - above all - HEARD and respected. But adult is STILL boss.


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