# My husband can be such a jerk sometimes



## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

My husband has been on a business trip since friday. Him and the two ladies in his office are staying in a rented house while at a conference. I have tried to be supportive although I think it is wasn't a good idea and the company should have booked them hotel rooms instead of a rented house. 
I haven't talked to my husband at all today so about 7:30 tonight he sent me a message on Facebook that the ladies wanted him to watch a movie with them so he would call me in about two hours. 
I am sorta hurt. He has been with them all day and now he chose to spend the evening with them and when he does call me he will be too tired and sleepy to talk. 
I would love some good advise on how to handle this situation. 
Honestly, I am furious but I don't want to fly off the deep end about this. Please help!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I would be hurt by that, too. I would tell him just what you said here: that you're hurt because you haven't talked to him all day, and then he chose to spend more time with them, and won't be really able to talk to you. If he can't understand that, there's something wrong.


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

im surprised you were ok for him to stay in a house with two women..??
how did that happen
i cant think of a real reason why he *must* stay with two women, it doesnt matter their on the same trip..it should be seperate accomodations period..anything else is inappropriate


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Unless he's done something like cheating or is a big flirt, I wouldn't do anything you could regret later....

How do you know he will be too tired later....

Just wait until he calls, be nice, ask him how his day was, what movie they were watching and take it from there....

Omm !!!! Omm !!!!!!


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

laelsmom said:


> im surprised you were ok for him to stay in a house with two women..??
> how did that happen
> i cant think of a real reason why he *must* stay with two women, it doesnt matter their on the same trip..it should be seperate accomodations period..anything else is inappropriate


I think it is very inappropiate too...and was in no way OK about it. The owner of the company always has the staff to stay in this house when they travel there. My husband didn't make the arrangements and had no voice in the decision.


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Unless he's done something like cheating or is a big flirt, I wouldn't do anything you could regret later....
> 
> How do you know he will be too tired later....
> 
> ...


No, he hasn't cheated or isn't a flirt. It is just that sometimes he makes me feel second best. That is how I feel now. 
Thanks for the advice. I will calm down and by the time he calls I will be in a better frame of mind.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Tell him that is how it made you feel - and suggest that next time he calls you before he watches the movie with the women. You are allowed to feel hurt and second best by his actions, but you don't need to let it be a bad thing or make him feel like crap because of it. Let it be an opportunity for honest communication and give him a way out and let him know how he can do it better next time.


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Update: He did JUST what I predicted. He was too tired and sleepy to talk to me and yawned during the entire phone call. Not only that but they watched a totally inappropiate movie. It was about adultry and couples sleeping around. We have mutually agreed not to watch those type of movies in our home, but yet he goes and watches one that he didn't feel "comfortable" taking me to see earlier this year when it came out. Hmmmmmm


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Other than by the fact that he has told you he was staying in a rented house, how do you know where he is? Other than by the fact that he told you he was going with two women, how do you know who is with him?


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Other than by the fact that he has told you he was staying in a rented house, how do you know where he is? Other than by the fact that he told you he was going with two women, how do you know who is with him?[/QUOTE
> All I know is he is on a business trip that his company sends the staff on every year. Him and two of the ladies from his office went.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

What movie was it ???


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

More questions....

How long have you been married ???

If he's never cheated and isn't a flirt, why don't you trust him ???


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> What movie was it ???


It's Complicated


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> More questions....
> 
> How long have you been married ???
> 
> If he's never cheated and isn't a flirt, why don't you trust him ???


I didn't say I didn't trust him. I said it hurt my feelings when he sent a message on Facebook that the two womenwanted him to watch a movie with them and he would call me in a couple hours. He had spent the whole day with these two women in a sales booth and they had been to dinner together. I just felt like he chose to spend the evening with them watching a movie instead of calling home and us reconnecting.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I don't know your whole story....why are you trying to reconnect ???

What happened ???


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Let me get this straight ...

He's on a business trip doing the job he gets paid to do. They sent him along with 2 female associates whom he didn't choose, and they are staying in accommodations that they had no control over ... and your pissed at him.

Have I got that right?


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> I don't know your whole story....why are you trying to reconnect ???
> 
> What happened ???


I probably didn't use the right word. We are still married. I just meant "reconnect" as me and him talking at the end of the day after his work was done.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I understand you're upset with him, I just don't understand why.....

He's on a business trip, paired with co-workers that are 2 females....they, since they are the majority, make him watch a chick flick....

He facebooked you to show you he's thinking about you and tells you that he WILL call you after he watches the chick flick....

Unfortunately the movie was so boring that he is tired when he calls you and therefor the call doesn't quite go as anticipated by you....

If you have no reason not to trust him and he's not a flirt, then just relax and mark it as a not so good day....

Trust me, there will be more in a long term relationship....

Something like this is really nothing to get mad about....

Pick your battles....this one is not worth it !!!

PS. I understand that you miss him, but unless he's doing something really bad, give him a break....I'm sure he's not enjoying this trip too much....especially having to watch It's complicated  !!!


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Let me get this straight ...
> 
> He's on a business trip doing the job he gets paid to do. They sent him along with 2 female associates whom he didn't choose, and they are staying in accommodations that they had no control over ... and your pissed at him.
> 
> Have I got that right?


No Deejay. If you will re-read my post.....although I am not jumping with joy that he is staying with two women in a rented house, I said I was upset that he chose to watch a movie with them instead of calling home. By the time he called home it was later, he was tired and sleepy and didn't feel like talking. Remember, he had been with his co-workers all day and the three of them even went to dinner together. 
I just feel like he should have skipped the movie, went into his bedroom and called home so we could have chatted before he was so tired.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

So you felt hurt, which is fine. You feel what you feel. I can understand being uneasy with the circumstances, and then having that unease escalated because he failed to connect with you in a way that you were hoping.

But I have to ask you, are there bigger issues at play in terms of trusting your husband, or is this a case of feeling uneasy and neglected? 

From my perspective, you don't describe anything about your husband that sounds terribly 'jerkish'.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Deejo said:


> From my perspective, you don't describe anything about your husband that sounds terribly 'jerkish'.


I think the fact that he waited to call, after being with the same people all day, a bit 'jerkish.' I mean was the movie really all that important to wait to call until after it was over. I can she why feelings were hurt, mine would be. I really don't think she is upset about the trip, just that like she says, she feels second best. It wouldn't of took all that much effort on his part to go ahead and call her, she was missing him, that's pretty much it. Sometimes guys really can be insensitive to women's feelings. But on the other hand a lot of the times they just don't realize they are being insensitive.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

stumblealong said:


> Sometimes guys really can be insensitive to women's feelings. But on the other hand a lot of the times they just don't realize they are being insensitive.


And sometimes we are left to mind-read what exactly it is we were insensitive about.

My point is pretty simple; there is either a lot more going on here pertaining to the relationship that we aren't aware of, or this is simply a misunderstanding that is remedied by her saying:
"I was feeling uneasy about the circumstances of your trip, and it hurt my feelings more when you didn't want to talk."

And his replying:
"I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings. It was a long, busy day at the convention. Let's connect tonight."


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

Deejo said:


> So you felt hurt, which is fine. You feel what you feel. I can understand being uneasy with the circumstances, and then having that unease escalated because he failed to connect with you in a way that you were hoping.
> 
> But I have to ask you, are there bigger issues at play in terms of trusting your husband, or is this a case of feeling uneasy and neglected?
> 
> From my perspective, you don't describe anything about your husband that sounds terribly 'jerkish'.


I guess you could say there are other trust issues from the past which makes me feel insecure. I hate feeling this way and just when I think I have moved past the insecurity issues, something like the movie situation brings it all up again. Appreciate your input. Thanks.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Let me get this straight ...
> 
> He's on a business trip doing the job he gets paid to do. They sent him along with 2 female associates whom he didn't choose, and they are staying in accommodations that they had no control over ... and your pissed at him.
> 
> Have I got that right?


:iagree:


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## Blueeyescrying (Oct 17, 2010)

stumblealong said:


> I think the fact that he waited to call, after being with the same people all day, a bit 'jerkish.' I mean was the movie really all that important to wait to call until after it was over. I can she why feelings were hurt, mine would be. I really don't think she is upset about the trip, just that like she says, she feels second best. It wouldn't of took all that much effort on his part to go ahead and call her, she was missing him, that's pretty much it. Sometimes guys really can be insensitive to women's feelings. But on the other hand a lot of the times they just don't realize they are being insensitive.


Yes, Stumblealong, exactly! I mean it wasn't enough that he was with these two co-workers all day, then they had dinner together AND then he spent the best part of the evening watching a movie with them (a movie he wouldn't go with me to see because he felt like it was an inappropriate movie for us to watch). By the time he called to talk with me he was so tired that he yawned into the phone so loudly that I told him to go on to bed and get some sleep.


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