# "No excuses"



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Have you ever came back from work, and have a busy week ahead of you stressing you out... only to come home and want to do nothing, but then your wife bugs you, and then when you tell her to leave you alone and the reasons behind them, she tells you "no excuses"...

Had a go at her just then, proved me point but it's rather irritating she was inconsiderate again (always happens because she doesn't understand the WORKING life)... bah! Not in the mood for anything, just want to be alone >.<!


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Ah...so many times dude. 

My wife is MUCH more understanding, always has been, that I:
Like my job
But it also requires very long days. 

My girlfriend before her, oh my god...only lived with her for a month before we went our separate ways. Surprised it went even that long.

I would get up a 6:00 a.m. to go to work. 
Work until 5, maybe 6. Then I would take a client out to dinner. And while it might be fun, fun doesn't mean relaxing. 

Some nights when I was younger, I would get home at 11. 
So my day started at 7 (when I would arrive at work) and go until 11. Wearing a suit, and uncomfortable dress shoes. 
I would get home, wanting to just sit down, watch TV, or do whatever the hell I wanted to do. 
She wanted to talk. She wanted me to help clean up the dishes. She wanted this, that, I couldn't imagine how much worse it would've been if we had kids. 

And all I was thinking was "I've been home for 10 minutes. You've been home since 5. What the hell have you been doing that you can't make dinner and put the dishes in the dish washer?"

Or the straw that broke the camel's back here:
It was a Friday. I was out until 3:00 a.m. with some young guys on work. So I was dead tired. Get home, undress and drop my clothes in the laundry room, go to bed. I am DEAD.
So, I thought my girlfriend cold do my suits, with her clothes, in the morning because you know, seemed right. Save money, just seemed like the smartest thing to do. 
Well, does she? NO! Told me I am a grown man, I can do my own laundry. 

We parted ways shortly after.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Had a situation to the one immediately above. Ex asked for everything to be done for her but could not even bother to put herself out for me except on rare occasion.

Finally just told her "your legs work fine". She came back with "you're my husband - you're supposed to do stuff for me". I just let the ridiculousness of that hang in the air.

And, yeah, she did her own errands herself.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Have you ever came back from work, and have a busy week ahead of you stressing you out... only to come home and want to do nothing, but then your wife bugs you, and then when you tell her to leave you alone and the reasons behind them, she tells you "no excuses"...
> 
> Had a go at her just then, proved me point but it's rather irritating she was inconsiderate again (always happens because she doesn't understand the WORKING life)... bah! Not in the mood for anything, just want to be alone >.<!



Does your wife work? 

I know my husband probably feels similar to you, but I also feel like he needs to put in more of his fair share. I also work and take classes, so we both have a lot going on. It definitely would be nice if he would help me a little more around the house with chores.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

If my wife came up to me and bugged me after work I would think I was in the wrong house.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

You know, this may seem odd, but...

I used to work when my oldest two were small. Liked my job but could be long hours and was stressful. My ex was a student and had one/two days off where he looked after them when I was at work. I honestly would never even DREAM of walking in the door and announcing I was going off to decompress.

I might be in the minority but to me, I have been out all day and not seen my children and honest to god, I just think it's really weird to walk in and not want to go to them? My time for decompressing was always when they'd gone to bed. 

I have never subscribed to the 24/7 stay at home parent theory. My policy is that if you're at home, you're parenting because you're, well, a parent.

Having said that, if hubz wants to go and take a shower or whatever when he gets in, that's fine with me so long as the kids aren't playing merry hell as I'm cooking dinner. Otherwise if he could just wait until the carnage of teatime is over then that's fine by me


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

tobio said:


> You know, this may seem odd, but...
> 
> I used to work when my oldest two were small. Liked my job but could be long hours and was stressful. My ex was a student and had one/two days off where he looked after them when I was at work. I honestly would never even DREAM of walking in the door and announcing I was going off to decompress.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> "No excuses"


That's a nice song.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

tobio said:


> Having said that, if hubz wants to go and take a shower or whatever when he gets in, that's fine with me so long as the kids aren't playing merry hell as I'm cooking dinner. Otherwise if he could just wait until the carnage of teatime is over then that's fine by me


this made me laugh.I love how you worded it


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm in IT and sometimes do my work from home. Some years back I had a similar job that also allowed me to do some work at home.(less pay than current job though) One girlfriend would bug me and nag why I'm not doing anything around the house on the days I worked from home.

So many people have incorrect misconceptions of what it means to work at home. You're not just kicking back and relaxing. People also think you can be with your children and work at the same time, like metaphorically one hand is typing and the other is hugging or something like that. ALSO NOT TRUE. Even when I'm home my SO watches our son while I'm working in the study, or I drop him off at a good daycare for a few hours if shes at work.

Sure I can break whenever I want but if I break too much I won't finish my work and its my ass that gets served up, and makes the execs want to abolish working from home altogether and keep us locked in cubicles all day. Sitting in front of a computer for 10 hours is just as hard at home as it is at the office, hell even more so since I have make my own damn coffee. One of the few bonuses is I just work in a tank top and shorts than stuffy dress clothes in summer, tie included.(retarded policy)

So when I finally finish and want to rest a bit, the last thing I want is to be b!tched at about dishes, the tub is dirty, how I never do anything around here, etc. 

The stupidest thing was that she wasn't working and was living in my apartment at the time and shes telling me I do nothing around here. Rent? Water? Electricity? Last I checked you need money to have those, which she severely lacked so it really pissed me off. 

That relationship ended fast. 

Glad my current SO understands not to bother someone immediately after they get back from work, goes both ways too.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I have learned... we both have learned... that it is learning to back off as well as trusting that the other IS doing what they can. That everyone is on the same team - and nobody is suffering from extreme deriliction of duty.

Sometimes I come home and the house is an effing disaster and the kids are crazy and the wife is stressing and Im tired from work and the long commuting slog... and nobody wants to deal with anything. Not uncommon. Soon enough however - things settle down and get back on track. Getting pi$$y and irritated and complaining and issuing little dictates is simply counter productive. It can happen anyway. Shrug.

I know she does what she can - when she can, and when I am calm and relaxed and look at it... she doees an amazing job overall. I am painfully aware how much she does actually - working a bit more than part time and also, mostly, running the house when I am not there - and I admit that when I get home the job of life isnt over and its time to pitch in again too. I like to think she believes the same of me and if I come home and she can see I have had enough of life... she will not be making any demands unless it is _really_important - and if she does - I know her well enough to understand what it means to her. I guess we have learned what each others capacity is, and when the breaking point is getting close. Thankfully - it isnt often when we both hit the wall at he same time.

give and take. Usually it feels like 'give give give', but it isnt - we all take more than we realize sometimes too. 

If I get home and run into a b|tchy wife - if it is at all possible - that is when I seriously consider making the extra effort. A key part to that equation is that I believe she does the same for me. *not* always easy. But she is b1tchy not because she is a b!tch, but because she is nearing the end of her rope and needs something - someone to listen, or a hand with something or whatever.

Took us a long time I think to build up enough trust and understanding where I dont think we look at these situations as 'being inconsiderate' anymore. Its not all peaches and cream for us of course - but I can say that sometimes the small little extra effort, on her part or mine, can make a very big difference in smoothing the way and building up that 'bank account' of trust that serves to soften the situation when things get hard.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

anotherguy said:


> I have learned... we both have learned... that it is learning to back off as well as trusting that the other IS doing what they can. That everyone is on the same team - and nobody is suffering from extreme deriliction of duty.
> 
> Sometimes I come home and the house is an effing disaster and the kids are crazy and the wife is stressing and Im tired from work and the long commuting slog... and nobody wants to deal with anything. Not uncommon. Soon enough however - things settle down and get back on track. Getting pi$$y and irritated and complaining and issuing little dictates is simply counter productive. It can happen anyway. Shrug.
> 
> ...


Very similar to us, anotherguy. 

I think it really helps for me that hubz tells me frequently I do a great job and he couldn't do what I do. He appreciates it is hard work and I in turn appreciate his physical tiredness. We kind of pick up the slack for each other at different times. He is particularly good at knowing what would help me and taking charge of that, and I know when he is knackered and just needs to sit for a bit.

RD maybe both you and your wife don't yet have that appreciation for what each other's role entails? As you're here I'll ask you - do you appreciate what she does?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I do appreciate what my wife does, it's just her attitude that stinks sometimes. It's not like our house takes a long time to clean as we have a consistent system to ensure everything is neat and tidy always so the work won't stack up (if she wasn't neat then it would be a problem!). If it does of course I help out as well once I get home, but it rarely happens.

And it's not that we have a big enough family either and our daughter is at school, so she has a lot of free time. All I want is for her to stop bugging me once I get home while I'm the one working my ass off at my business and hell my team just served over 200 people today in an hour, was a pain in the butt!

Thankfully today I HAVE an excuse, I'm freakin exhausted and so is my staff. Pulling in some seriously decent revenue however recently, but it takes a sh-tload of work and of course I took the opportunity (which my wife complained about - as it means less time for "us") but FFS work is WORK! We're very financially secure now because of it, and even - financially FREE.

She just doesn't understand, and it's p-ssing me off!
"But the function isn't on until Friday!"
Sorry hun, but there was a SH-TLOAD OF WORK to do days prior and we barely finished on time today. Bah!


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