# Not sure why...



## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

My husband is nearly ten years my senior. I have always preferred older men. My husband personifies the good things about being with an older partner. He is reliable, mature, patient, doting and very sexually experienced. I always noticed that older men were much better in bed. I dated other older men in the past who were controlling and manipulative. By the time I met my husband, I was too confident to put up with that nonsense. Luckily, he is too secure in himself to try to mold me.

For some reason, I get so many people exclaiming over his age. I wish I had a dollar for everyone who asked me why I married an "old man". I also get many people commenting on how "old" my husband looks. I hardly think that forty is even approaching elderly. If a forty year old is healthy and they don't have any fatal accidents, he/she still has at least 30 more years to live. My husband does look older than I, but I don't think he looks like a senior citizen. :rofl: Also, I don't think our age difference is astronomical. It isn't as if I am in my early thirties and he is seventy five!

I'm wondering if the TAM community can shed some light on the reactions I get from others. I'm not sure why a ten year age difference is such a big deal. I am happy with our age disparity, but I wonder if it really is as creepy as people make it out to be.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> I'm wondering if the TAM community can shed some light on the reactions I get from others. I'm not sure why a ten year age difference is such a big deal. I am happy with our age disparity, but I wonder if it really is as creepy as people make it out to be.


Ten years isn't a creepy age gap. 

Maybe you're just a creepy couple? 

[/trolling]


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## StayInIt (Jul 27, 2012)

Maybe other people find him attractive and they are simply hating on you two out of jealousy.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

You know Charolette, I just wouldn't worry about it. After all, it isn't even their business. I know a couple of coulples where the age difference is 20+ years. One of them even started another family with his young bride. He is now 60 and has two girls ages 2 and 6. It is not of the norm in our society, but it really isn't my business.

My H is 4 years older than I, but I have always looked about 10 years younger than I am. I have had a few people ask our ages, but for the most part, not.

If I were you, I would just start rambling off all his good qualities next time someone asked.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

MSP said:


> Ten years isn't a creepy age gap.
> 
> Maybe you're just a creepy couple?
> 
> [/trolling]


:lol::lol:


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> ...but I wonder if it really is as creepy as people make it out to be.


Why do you GAF if people think it's creepy?

My wife is 11 years older than me. I've had a lot of people - including my mother, at first - express 1) concern or 2) contempt/disgust over it. I get the first; people who are close to me worry the age difference might lead to unhappiness. I am touched by their concern but I am a big boy, and can live with my own decisions. The second separates my friends from people I can live without.

Creepy is a personal measurement, not some absolute. You're happy with him, right? That's all that matters.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Convection said:


> Why do you GAF if people think it's creepy?
> 
> My wife is 11 years older than me. I've had a lot of people - including my mother, at first - express 1) concern or 2) contempt/disgust over it. I get the first; people who are close to me worry the age difference might lead to unhappiness. I am touched by their concern but I am a big boy, and can live with my own decisions. The second separates my friends from people I can live without.
> 
> Creepy is a personal measurement, not some absolute. You're happy with him, right? That's all that matters.


You're right. It just gets annoying to hear the same thing all the time about my husband. I've even had people ask me if I grew up with my father in my life because of my husband. My father is a very present and loving dad.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Age is the last protected group, socially.

My fiance's erstwhile EA made quite a few digs at my advanced age (21 years older than she). 

Once our relationship became more secure, I did point out to my fiance, I bet if I had made digs at her advanced weight (self described as in need of loosing _(sic)_ 50 pounds before she turned 30) he would have called me catty. He did not deny that.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> You're right. It just gets annoying to hear the same thing all the time about my husband. I've even had people ask me if I grew up with my father in my life because of my husband. My father is a very present and loving dad.


I find in these situations, I get a lot of mileage by practicing middle finger extensions, followed by smiling and walking away whistling.

Great exercise.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Convection said:


> I find in these situations, I get a lot of mileage by practicing middle finger extensions, followed by smiling and walking away whistling.
> 
> Great exercise.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Convection said:


> Why do you GAF if people think it's creepy?
> 
> My wife is 11 years older than me. I've had a lot of people - including my mother, at first - express 1) concern or 2) contempt/disgust over it. I get the first; people who are close to me worry the age difference might lead to unhappiness. I am touched by their concern but I am a big boy, and can live with my own decisions. The second separates my friends from people I can live without.
> 
> Creepy is a personal measurement, not some absolute. You're happy with him, right? That's all that matters.


Regarding option 2,
I wonder if this is different for younger men because it's assumed that men want younger women. Heck, even here on TAM every hurt husband is advised to get a younger, hotter woman to soothe his ego (as opposed to a decent woman) because we all know nothing else matters.

My hb and I are 19 years apart and while there were some snickers in the beginning it's been almost 9 years and nobody really looks twice at us anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

He's 40? He is young, I'm old. All that matters is if the both of you are happy. Dont about what people say.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Convection said:


> I find in these situations, I get a lot of mileage by practicing middle finger extensions, followed by smiling and walking away whistling.
> 
> Great exercise.


:lol::lol: You're killing me. 

I'm not always in a situation where "middle finger extensions" are appropriate. Great suggestion though!

My husband's family was a bit surprised at my age when we met, even though my MIL is ten years younger than my FIL.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

My husband is 9 years my senior. 

The next time someone asks you why you married an old man, you look them dead in the eyes and you say to them 

"What kind of fuc*ing question is that?"


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

You recently married, right? I think I recall that not sure. Anyway, 20 and 30 might have been just a tad bit creepy, but I think once you hit mid twenties, 10 years is not that much of a difference at all. 

You say people ask why you married an old man. Does he LOOK older than his age? Or do you look extra young? Maybe they think the difference is more than 10 years. Either way it's a rude question to ask, though.

People ask my H right in front of me why he married somebody short because he is tall. One of his female co-workers even remarked that tall men marry short women because they are too insecure to handle someone close to their height! I mean she said that right in front of both of us and quite a few others. So some people are just rude.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

10 years is not abnormal, why do you buy into the drama? 

I have always preferred men in a 5-10 year older age bracket for serious relationships. If it is just a sexual thing then they can be anything from 3 years younger to 10 years older, I don't care about the age of casuals.

Personal rule here not to ever be with a man old enough to be my father.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

My first boyfriend was 16 years older than me (I was 19, he was 35) THAT was creepy. Well, according to my family and everyone we knew. It wasn't to me, and still isn't. He was my first big love and we stayed together for almost five years. 

Who cares what people think. You shouldn't even answer the question.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Maybe it's because you go on about it all the time. I think I've read about four of your posts in different threads and I'm well aware that you are married to an older man and consider yourself to be a younger, hotter catch. Oh, sorry, that _other people_ consider you to be a younger, hotter catch. 

If so many people are asking unusually rude, personal questions, maybe there's something you're doing to attract negative attention.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> My husband is nearly ten years my senior. I have always preferred older men. My husband personifies the good things about being with an older partner. He is reliable, mature, patient, doting and very sexually experienced. I always noticed that older men were much better in bed. I dated other older men in the past who were controlling and manipulative. By the time I met my husband, I was too confident to put up with that nonsense. Luckily, he is too secure in himself to try to mold me.
> 
> For some reason, I get so many people exclaiming over his age. I wish I had a dollar for everyone who asked me why I married an "old man". I also get many people commenting on how "old" my husband looks. I hardly think that forty is even approaching elderly. If a forty year old is healthy and they don't have any fatal accidents, he/she still has at least 30 more years to live. My husband does look older than I, but I don't think he looks like a senior citizen. :rofl: Also, I don't think our age difference is astronomical. It isn't as if I am in my early thirties and he is seventy five!
> 
> I'm wondering if the TAM community can shed some light on the reactions I get from others. I'm not sure why a ten year age difference is such a big deal. I am happy with our age disparity, but I wonder if it really is as creepy as people make it out to be.




Dear, there will always be people who have to comment on something in one's life......I think the more secure and loving the two of you show the world (the people in your circle), the less anyone can make comments....

Ignore the mean comments and be happy with your hubs.....older men are very sexy ..


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

committed4ever said:


> You recently married, right? I think I recall that not sure. Anyway, 20 and 30 might have been just a tad bit creepy, but I think once you hit mid twenties, 10 years is not that much of a difference at all.
> 
> You say people ask why you married an old man. Does he LOOK older than his age? Or do you look extra young? Maybe they think the difference is more than 10 years. Either way it's a rude question to ask, though.
> 
> People ask my H right in front of me why he married somebody short because he is tall. One of his female co-workers even remarked that tall men marry short women because they are too insecure to handle someone close to their height! I mean she said that right in front of both of us and quite a few others. So some people are just rude.


I met my husband when I was 25, which was the perfect time to meet him for many reasons. He would not have been interested in who I was ages 20-24. 

My husband can pass for his mid thirties. People are shocked when I tell them my age because apparently I look like I am no older than 25. I agree that it is a rude question to ask. 

I am 5'4 and my husband is 6'2. We like it this way. :smthumbup:


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

It's refreshing to hear how kind you speak of your hubs!


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Lyris said:


> Maybe it's because you go on about it all the time. I think I've read about four of your posts in different threads and I'm well aware that you are married to an older man and consider yourself to be a younger, hotter catch. Oh, sorry, that _other people_ consider you to be a younger, hotter catch.
> 
> If so many people are asking unusually rude, personal questions, maybe there's something you're doing to attract negative attention.


Actually, it is my *husband *who considers me a younger hotter catch. I have *never *said that about myself. 

I refuse to take any responsibility for other people's behavior, sweetie. Believe it or not, these comments do come out of nowhere when people meet my husband after knowing me. All I am doing is enjoying my marriage to my husband. 

I find it interesting that so far, you are the ONLY member who has an issue with me posting about the age difference in my marriage. You are also the only member who blamed me for other people's rude comments. Since you counted how many posts I made about the issue, it is obvious that you have a high level of interest in the content of my posts. I don't have time to focus on TAM members like that, so I find your dedication admirable. 

I'm sorry that my posts about the age difference in my marriage anger you so much. It was not my intent. Just to be clear, I am not looking for any kind of needlessly catty and hostile discussions. :smthumbup:


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

over20 said:


> Dear, there will always be people who have to comment on something in one's life......I think the more secure and loving the two of you show the world (the people in your circle), the less anyone can make comments....
> 
> Ignore the mean comments and be happy with your hubs.....older men are very sexy ..


Most people in my circle are okay with our age difference. The only people who make those comments are casual acquaintances. Interestingly, most of them are unhappy about being single. 

When I was younger, I noticed that I had very little in common with people my age. This feeling was more pronounced when I dated boys in my age group. 

I'm not saying that all older men are mature and responsible. Some of them like to prey on naive young girls and others want to deny that they are getting older, so a younger woman is the perfect solution.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> I met my husband when I was 25, which was the perfect time to meet him for many reasons. He would not have been interested in who I was ages 20-24.
> 
> My husband can pass for his mid thirties. People are shocked when I tell them my age because apparently I look like I am no older than 25. I agree that it is a rude question to ask.
> 
> *I am 5'4 and my husband is 6'2. *We like it this way. :smthumbup:


Lol, this is just like me and dh! He is a head taller! Sometimes I step on a stool to kiss and hug him, lol.

He is only 3 years older than I am, though. But he has grey hair (salt and pepper), and I probably never will (genes). Dd tells me people are going to comment on dh being with a much younger woman, lol!

If you are happy with your marriage, Charlotte, just enjoy it. It is a gift in this life!


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

jld said:


> Lol, this is just like me and dh! He is a head taller! Sometimes I step on a stool to kiss and hug him, lol.
> 
> He is only 3 years older than I am, though. But he has grey hair (salt and pepper), and I probably never will (genes). Dd tells me people are going to comment on dh being with a much younger woman, lol!
> 
> If you are happy with your marriage, Charlotte, just enjoy it. It is a gift in this life!


Salt and pepper is sexy! My husband is balding, so he just shaves his head. I find bald men very attractive. 

I stand on the tips of my toes to kiss my husband. :rofl: 
Ever the gentleman, he usually bends down to kiss me.

You are so right about enjoying my marriage. Haters gonna hate.

I love your signature by the way. So true!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> Salt and pepper is sexy! My husband is balding, so he just shaves his head. I find bald men very attractive.
> 
> I stand on the tips of my toes to kiss my husband. :rofl:
> Ever the gentleman, he usually bends down to kiss me.
> ...


Yeah, I don't get why men want hair implants. :scratchhead:

And we have a long-standing tradition of dh kissing me on the forehead, lol. Goes along with his calling me his 'dear girl.'   I love that man!!!

About older men being sexy . . . the neighbor is nearly 70 and bald and I have to admit, I had a crush on him for a while, blush. (I always tell dh when I have a crush, and he just laughs! -- not at all threatened) 

There is something about older men. They are all just so masculine. I guess they grew up when life was harder and it made them . . . _men._


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

It's not catty or hostile to disagree with the majority of posters in this thread. TAM is full of mindless agreement. It is, however, both catty and hostile to sarcastically call someone sweetie.

I didn't say I'd counted your posts on the topic. I said I had read about five of your posts total and was well aware of the age difference between you and your husband and your feelings about it. This leads me to believe that you talk about it a lot. 

And I'll repeat, if people are making unusually rude and personal remarks to you regularly then maybe it's time to look at your own behaviour. Perhaps you are an unusually combative person.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

jld said:


> Yeah, I don't get why men want hair implants. :scratchhead:
> 
> And we have a long-standing tradition of dh kissing me on the forehead, lol. Goes along with his calling me his 'dear girl.'  I love that man!!!
> 
> ...


My husband carries his power silently. He is very quiet and observant. I never realized how true it was that still waters run deep, until I met the man I married. Under that quiet exterior is a very passionate and romantic person. 

I feel safe with him because I know he can handle any emotional difficulties or moods I have. My husband is my anchor, my rock and my very best friend.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

jld said:


> Yeah, I don't get why men want hair implants. :scratchhead:
> 
> And we have a long-standing tradition of dh kissing me on the forehead, lol. Goes along with his calling me his 'dear girl.'  I love that man!!!
> 
> ...



Plus older men are full of wisdom and I think (speaking from knowing my hubs from 16-43) become much better lovers!!!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

over20 said:


> Plus older men are full of wisdom and I think (speaking from knowing my hubs from 16-43) become much better lovers!!!


Lolol! Three cheers for older men!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Lyris said:


> It's not catty or hostile to disagree with the majority of posters in this thread. TAM is full of mindless agreement. It is, however, both catty and hostile to sarcastically call someone sweetie.
> 
> I didn't say I'd counted your posts on the topic. I said I had read about five of your posts total and was well aware of the age difference between you and your husband and your feelings about it. This leads me to believe that you talk about it a lot.
> 
> And I'll repeat, if people are making unusually rude and personal remarks to you regularly then maybe it's time to look at your own behaviour. Perhaps you are an unusually combative person.



I think the OP was talking about people in her social circle, not here on TAM


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes I know. What difference does that make? If anything, it's much more unusual to have people be routinely rude to your face.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> My husband carries his power silently. He is very quiet and observant. I never realized how true it was that still waters run deep, until I met the man I married. Under that quiet exterior is a very passionate and romantic person.
> 
> *I feel safe with him because I know he can handle any emotional difficulties or moods I have.* My husband is my anchor, my rock and my very best friend.


Charlotte, this is just like me!!!

I could not be with a guy who was scared of my emotions. Dh just does not get rocked. He just loves me and is committed to me. 

There are guys here who are so insecure, Charlotte. You and I are lucky we are not married to one of them!!!


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

over20 said:


> Plus older men are full of wisdom and I think (speaking from knowing my hubs from 16-43) become much better lovers!!!


Some older men merely THINK they are full of wisdom. My husband is a very wise and intelligent man. However, he is very humble about it. He also doesn't try to use his age as a reason to control me. I dated some obnoxiously controlling older "men" before I met my hubby, so he was certainly a welcome change.

Sex with a younger man pales in comparison to the languorous sensuality of an older gentleman. 
What woman doesn't want to be swept off her feet by a romantic and lusty lover? :yay:

Sometimes women get jealous of other ladies who have adoring husbands.  I'm beginning to understand that those who make nasty comments for no reason are to be pitied.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

jld said:


> Charlotte, this is just like me!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You guys are lucky. I hope I find one like that as well


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

spinsterdurga said:


> You guys are lucky. I hope I find one like that as well


You will! One who will love you just the way you are!


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

Holland said:


> 10 years is not abnormal, why do you buy into the drama?
> 
> I have always preferred men in a 5-10 year older age bracket for serious relationships. If it is just a sexual thing then they can be anything from 3 years younger to 10 years older, I don't care about the age of casuals.
> 
> Personal rule here not to ever be with a man old enough to be my father.


:iagree: I wouldn't date someone old enough to be my dad. I have the same age preferences as you for serious relationships.

Casuals can be any age..they are only there for one thing after all.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

jld said:


> Charlotte, this is just like me!!!
> 
> I could not be with a guy who was scared of my emotions. Dh just does not get rocked. He just loves me and is committed to me.
> 
> There are guys here who are so insecure, Charlotte. You and I are lucky we are not married to one of them!!!


My husband has his insecurities but he is mature enough to own them, as well as share them with me so that we can discuss his fears.

I had a very stressful job when my husband and I were dating. When he would pick me up from work, I would be breathing fire because of all the anger being held in. I knew my husband was a keeper when he didn't run off just because I wasn't smiling. He swept me up in his arms for a tight hug and then poured me some wine. 

Like a boss. :smthumbup:


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

spinsterdurga said:


> You guys are lucky. I hope I find one like that as well


Any man would be lucky to have *you.*

I found my husband when I wasn't looking for love.

This thread is becoming a love fest. We need more discussions like this on TAM.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Like this thread.

Now that I am close to hitting 40, I can tell I have no interest in women younger than late twenties. My wife is two years younger than me and it drives her crazy that I look like I am in my mid to late twenties. People are shocked all of the time when they find out I am married and 39. Now that my hair came out after chemo, it only makes me look younger...when I was away for treatment all of the nurses didn't understand why I was considering them as "kids." I guess it isn't exactly something to complain about, but my wife doesn't like me looking younger than her. Haha


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

I don't know why people are always surprised when someone who is 35-40 looks young. 

That age range is far from being old. 

May you recover from cancer my friend.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Former....love the new Avatar!!!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> Any man would be lucky to have *you.*
> 
> *I found my husband when I wasn't looking for love.*
> 
> This thread is becoming a love fest. We need more discussions like this on TAM.


Lol, me, too! He told me he fell in love with me the night we met, and within a week knew he was going to marry me. 

I thought we were friends.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

FormerSelf said:


> Like this thread.
> 
> Now that I am close to hitting 40, I can tell I have no interest in women younger than late twenties. My wife is two years younger than me and it drives her crazy that I look like I am in my mid to late twenties. People are shocked all of the time when they find out I am married and 39. Now that my hair came out after chemo, it only makes me look younger...when I was away for treatment all of the nurses didn't understand why I was considering them as "kids." I guess it isn't exactly something to complain about, but my wife doesn't like me looking younger than her. Haha


Bald heads are sexy friend!!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

jld said:


> Lol, me, too! He told me he fell in love with me the night we met, and within a week knew he was going to marry me.
> 
> I thought we were friends.


How romantic!!!!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

over20 said:


> How romantic!!!!


Lol, thanks, over20!


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

jld said:


> Lol, me, too! He told me he fell in love with me the night we met, and within a week knew he was going to marry me.
> 
> I thought we were friends.


:lol::lol: That is so cute.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

That is very strange that you get so many comments about the age difference. A 10 year difference is not huge. I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 34. I can't remember someone ever making a rude comment or asking why I was marrying an old guy! And we have been married almost 24 years now. 

I always thought it was great that he is older and joke with him that no matter how old I get, I will always seem young because he is ancient compared to me! I must admit when he turned 60, it freaked me out a bit that I am married to a 60 year old! I still feel like I am 30 in my head so how could he be 60! BTW he looks really good for 60 (full head of hair, very little gray, lost 60 pounds in the past year) and I think people are surprised to hear his age.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Abc123wife said:


> That is very strange that you get so many comments about the age difference. A 10 year difference is not huge. I met my husband when I was 25 and he was 34. I can't remember someone ever making a rude comment or asking why I was marrying an old guy! And we have been married almost 24 years now.
> 
> I always thought it was great that he is older and joke with him that no matter how old I get, I will always seem young because he is ancient compared to me! I must admit when he turned 60, it freaked me out a bit that I am married to a 60 year old! I still feel like I am 30 in my head so how could he be 60! BTW he looks really good for 60 (full head of hair, very little gray, lost 60 pounds in the past year) and I think people are surprised to hear his age.



I bet he doesn't feel 60 either!!! Glad to hear it ABC!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My wife is 55 and I'm 54. I've looked 54 for a decade if not more. She used to look a lot younger up to age 50.... 

But mentally we're decades apart. I'm still a teenager at heart, with lots more money, experience, wisdom, and patience. She's turned ancient on me and acts like she's 75 or something.

Physically we're both in good shape but mentally and emotionally... I'm ok but she's "why am I still working" and so on. I feel I have another two decades, one for work and one for play, she feels the grim reaper will pay her a visit on Friday.

It's all about attitude.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I know it's frustrating for you, john. Good thing you have your friends on TAM.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

john117 said:


> My wife is 55 and I'm 54. I've looked 54 for a decade if not more. She used to look a lot younger up to age 50....
> 
> But mentally we're decades apart. I'm still a teenager at heart, with lots more money, experience, wisdom, and patience. She's turned ancient on me and acts like she's 75 or something.
> 
> ...


What made your wife turn ancient on you?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Not just on me. On everything and everyone. 

She turned into her mother in a 5 year span. Mentally, emotionally, etc.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

I'm dating a gal 9 years my junior. The last one, a ltr for 10 years was 15 years younger than me.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Mixed feelings with age gaps... when X and I got together, she was nearly 20 and I was 29. I' ve always thaught she was very mature for her age, so in the following years we invested lots in work, kids, house etc...

In my forties I decided to ease up a little on the ratrace (my own little MLC?). She didn't take it that way. In spite of having a pretty good lifestyle with the kids, family and friends, horses and loads of travelling, she decided that her life was boring and split. To go and lead the life of a 20 yo. Well 1 week out of 2.

So can the whole age gap thing work? Im sure it can. Only beware. Especially when on autopilot.


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## Boricha (Sep 29, 2013)

Geez....... I have to agree with Lyris. Vanity is thy name.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> Salt and pepper is sexy! My husband is balding, so he just shaves his head. I find bald men very attractive.


 This is what makes the world go round.. I am the opposite though... I think I worship youth a little too much..I don't like getting older & was never physically attracted to an older man... at any point in my life...

Emotional maturity...of course!...there are younger men who have this, it's just rarer I suppose.. more the Good guys who so often seem overlooked by women. 

10 yrs is not a huge difference though...(for someone like myself It would be the absolute ceiling limit though)..

Something I learned...Hormonally speaking.. would be the concern - when the age gap is too large...yours is not that bad- if he is high test, you should be OK...

Experts say (generally speaking)...the sex drives match pretty well when a woman is younger & the man is a little older (as his testosterone has started to decline some as he ages- his antsy prime being highest in his early 20's)....but so often in mid life, this gets turned on it's head...as the woman enters her sexual Prime...and a younger man's drive would be far better suited for her...

My H is only 3 yrs older than me, if he was over 10 yrs when I hit my high drive spell...







- I think I would have went crazy....no way he could have even remotely kept me satisfied...I would have been pumping him with Viagra...(we did use some!)...I was seriously wishing he was 20 yrs younger ..


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

EasyPartner said:


> Mixed feelings with age gaps... when X and I got together, she was nearly 20 and I was 29. I' ve always thaught she was very mature for her age, so in the following years we invested lots in work, kids, house etc...
> 
> In my forties I decided to ease up a little on the ratrace (my own little MLC?). She didn't take it that way. In spite of having a pretty good lifestyle with the kids, family and friends, horses and loads of travelling, she decided that her life was boring and split. To go and lead the life of a 20 yo. Well 1 week out of 2.
> 
> So can the whole age gap thing work? Im sure it can. Only beware. Especially when on autopilot.


I'm sorry that your ex walked away because of boredom. It sounds like she wasn't as mature as you thought she was.

It helps that my husband and I prefer more cerebral and "boring" activities. We hate parties, bars and clubs. Both of us are bookworms.

W

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

CharlotteMcdougall said:


> I'm sorry that your ex walked away because of boredom. It sounds like she wasn't as mature as you thought she was.
> 
> It helps that my husband and I prefer more cerebral and "boring" activities. We hate parties, bars and clubs. Both of us are bookworms.
> 
> ...


Tx for the empathy Charlotte. Im not the partying clubbing type either.

I do own my mistakes in the failing of the marriage though. Hell, apart from the fast cars, fast horses, good conversations and sense of humor I'm pretty boring myself 

I only prefer to watch the new episode of GoT instead of calling a babysitter and hitting a club after a hard day's work and gourmet diner for my family. Darn I must be old.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I wasn't going to post but this is USE to be a pet peeve of mine. I'm 30 husband is 48 (will turn 48 this year) we have been together for about six years. I love him to death and will do anything for him. My family is crazy about him and they accepted him right away. Because of his age difference and his health issues (At the time) when he knew things were becoming serious he asked my mother permission for my hand in marriage. 

I won't do a generalization about relationships. It is not fair to do so, at the end of the day it's all about what makes you happy and what works for you. It isn't for everyone I tell my gf's that all that time. You have to find your own "happy". You have to be happy and content with yourself first, finding someone to complete that is just the icing on the cake. 

My husband's ex wife was the same age has him and she drove him nuts and she after didn't care about him, there are men and women who are just not right for you. I cared about him got his health back on track and everyone thanks me for it, in fact people forgot about my age because they saw we were happy and that we bring out the BEST in each other. 

It is a huge compliment when people come up to us (Close friends and family) and say they want a relationship like ours. And they tell us we can tell you are happy, lord knows we ain't perfect but were happy. I think the biggest misconception people have is if you are a younger woman and your husband is older he is controlling, he dictates who you are and what you do you are just a trophy wife and you have daddy issues. And all that jazz. Meh let them think what they want... sometimes it's more fun that way I just mess with people now if they cross that line.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

Why was CharlotteMcdougall banned?????????????????


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Broke a few of the forum rules.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

She was also bullied


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

She was a troll. Not who she said she was. They're everywhere at the moment.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

over20 said:


> She was also bullied


It's tough to believe she was bullied when she was someone else from the board entirely.She was also doing a LOT of bullying via pm just fyi.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

over20 said:


> She was also bullied


So typical of chronic whiners!

Being bullied is when the victim is intentionally targeted for systematic harassment and threats based on superfluous differences. So if some kid went to school wearing a KKK tee shirt and got beat up...NOT BULLYING! If some some kid has zero social skills and can't take turns or insists on things being their way and as a result the other kids won't play with him and don't like him, NOT bullying!

So when Charlotte started sending nasty grams and got some heat back as a result... NOT BULLYING!

And when Charlotte got pissy when someone disagreed with her, Also NOT BULLYING.

And when YOU say something obviously attention seeking, not to mention stupid, and get called out for it...NOT BULLYING!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

over20 said:


> She was also bullied


I was the recipient of several unsolicited particularly nasty PM's from her. I did not respond in kind, nor did I report them, and yet she still felt the need to continue.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

She's permanently banned?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

spinsterdurga said:


> She's permanently banned?


That screen name is perma banned, as far as I heard. But that won't stop yet another sock puppet from showing up.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Sorry to hear of the nasty pm sent. That's awful. I did observe some mean comments thrown back at her...on her own thread. It's been a busy week for banning. I've counted 3 already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Three? Oops, missed one.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Interesting, she sent me a number of pm's and none were nasty. they were related to something we have in common that she wanted to discuss, didn't seem like a troll to me. Who knows though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Interesting, she sent me a number of pm's and none were nasty. they were related to something we have in common that she wanted to discuss, didn't seem like a troll to me. Who knows though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably because you didn't disagree with her.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

She sent nasty PMs to quite a number of people plus she has/had other identities on the board.

Troll, therefore banned.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Oh and disagreeing with someone is not bullying. I'm so sick of the word bullying being thrown out as soon as someone gets their feelings hurt because everyone doesn't fall all over themselves to agree and fawn.

I'm not interested in being accused of bullying in a covert, passive aggressive way over20. I pointed out the unlikelihood of the scenarios that were described in the OP of this thread and suggested that her own behaviour was contributing if they were indeed true. That's not bullying. It's just not mindless agreement and soothing "support". 

Or are you suggesting the mods bullied her by banning her? She came onto this board with guns blazing, she harassed several established members by PM and on the board, which lead to her first ban. She continued the nasty behaviour, plus it was discovered she posted under multiple identities.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

Drama, drama, drama. Le sigh.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Ashalicious said:


> Drama, drama, drama. Le sigh.


Le sigh. LOL. That's funny.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Is it? Or is it just kind of passive aggressive and dismissive?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Is it Le sigh or La sigh? I can never remember.....


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Le. 

(le soupir)

I agree with this, taken away from any present context 

(I've not been following this here thread):

"disagreeing with someone is not bullying. *I'm so sick of the word bullying being thrown out as soon as someone gets their feelings hurt* because everyone doesn't fall all over themselves to agree and fawn."

Amen. 

I just had someone nut out on me yesterday.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> Le.
> 
> (le soupir)
> 
> ...


 
“_All things are subject to interpretation. *Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.*_” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> Le.
> 
> (le soupir)
> 
> ...


This is so very interesting from you Sandfly, because you are quoting Lyris above...and then applying what she said to you as if you are totally innocent of bullying. Yet I bet Lyris would agree with me that you bullied me yesterday, and not that I "nutted out" on you.

*Sandly, you DO bully people around here, and so does CM.

You both do it over and over and then pat yourselves on the back.*

I have no idea why you do that...it seems to be a sport to you both.

I hope I get banned for this!

But I'm just done with this place if you two are going to be running around everywhere bullying people for sport.

Now I supposed you'll both poo poo me, call me crazy, yada yada yada.

Yet I know of at least 20 people who will agree with me on exactly what I've said above.

Go ahead and report me now! I'm sooooo mean and all.

But one thing I will not do is allow someone to BULLY me repeatedly and get away with it.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Not interested.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Hence your lack of response!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'd say Sandfly certainly needles and prods to get a response, and it seems like it's mostly for his own amusement.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

What??? being 40 is old and the 10 year age gap is too much???

Heck, my parents have this 10 year age gap (dad is older) and it has never been a big deal to me!

God, people are strange ...very strange!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

100% agree with you FW


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Caribbean Man said:


> “_All things are subject to interpretation. *Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.*_”
> ― Friedrich Nietzsche


You are right about that, good sir.

I am not picking on you for sport or for fun, or because we have clashed in the past - I am saying this to you because in MOST cases here, you provide good advice, feedback, and even help to many people. You are clearly well-liked and respected by most, and I don't actually disagree with you all that often.

However... I will state this for the record - you are arrogant in your manner of speaking to many people here. That's it, that's all.

A person as clearly intelligent as you should surely recognize this, yet I am constantly baffled at how you can come here and provide such good advice to those in need, then literally in the same thread, revel at making people feel *this* big.

I certainly have no interest in psychoanalysing you (truly), but I detect a tiny bit of a God Complex - which is extremely common on internet message boards where one is relatively impervious to real-life ramifications. It is to be expected.

However, in a place like this where most, if not all people come to inquire about real-life issues within their marriages and relationships, often resulting in (or having resulted from) such fun things as low self esteem, confidence issues, etc., to talk to some people the way you do and essentially laugh it off is something I find appalling. And not a whole lot phases me, believe it or not.

For many, this is a "safe zone", and when one of us takes issue with the way they are being spoken to or treated here, it should be considered something rather serious by the accused, as opposed to the usual way you (and others) respond.

I believe in freedom of speech and all that patriotic jazz, and I don't believe in censorship by whomever's in charge, however I do believe in self-censorship as well as the ability to recognize when, and how, one has crossed the line. In other words: humility, not arrogance. And this is something I see a lot of, not just here, but on every other message board in existence. The major difference is that this place is here for one sole reason: to offer advice to those who are seeking it. Most of the time, those people are in a dark place and are looking for a way to escape it. A lot of the time, it also causes those people to behave in a manner which may not come across as well as it should.

CM - I am "targeting" you for the sole reason that you do offer much to the community at large here, and it's a shame (to me at least) to know that you do treat some of us so poorly and appear to hold grudges, and on the odd occasion, stoop to rather low tactics to get across whatever point it is you're trying to make - which unfortunately is how dimwitted your target is. Whether you realize it or not, this is how many of us feel, not just the one or two who take enough offense to respond like I am now. The others may be taking the high road, or they don't care enough, or they're PMing you, I don't know. But I am personally aware of too many others to be a coincidence. And I will say this publicly (also realizing that I can't and won't prove it to you...) that there are folks among them who hold some sway around here.

There are many people here who rub me the wrong way, but that's okay. It's just like real life. The issue I have with you, CM, is that you are an integral part of this ecosystem we have here. The others can be ignored if I choose. I will usually read what they have to say, but can't be bothered to respond for a myriad of reasons. You, I will agree with 3/4s of the time, and the other 1/4 I will vehemently disagree with. And that's the problem - if I choose to respond to the things you post that I disagree with you on, it ends up the same way - and I can't even put my finger on what it is you're doing exactly, but it isn't... nice? I can't think of a better word to use. It's just this way you have of making people feel as though they're not as smart or worldly as you, and you don't do it very nicely.

Patronizing. The word is patronizing.

I am going to ask you one thing (for the second time publicly): what's your story? I checked out some of your old posts, though I don't think they date back to your beginnings here, and I couldn't see anything you've ever posted about yourself needing help/advice, etc.

What prompted you to come to TAM in the first place, waaaay back when? I actually want to know, simply because I don't, and I'm not under the impression many other people do, either. It'll help me with the context of your multitudes of threads, responses, etc.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I concur with FW 100%. Even after apologizing to CM in a PM when I realized I was wrong about something, he acted like he was going to come back and talk through our issue once the weekend was over. Unfortunately, he hasn't responded. I thought he was open to communicating through our misunderstanding, and I thought I would have the chance to apologize for anything I did wrong that upset him, but I suppose not. And it really is unfortunate.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

I would vote that neither FW nor CM be banned. they are both interesting to read. anyone disagree?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> I would vote that neither *FW nor CM *be banned. they are both interesting to read. anyone disagree?


Well luckily we don't get to vote on who gets banned, even if we could I would not participate.
But we do have the option of putting people on ignore and that is enough for me personally.

I really enjoy one of the mentioned members posts even if I don't always agree.
The other one I have on ignore as they were as a PP stated very patronising to me about a very hurtful topic. I came to TAM due to issues with my past sexless marriage, the poster in question stated on a thread here that it was all my fault because I am a woman that has her own opinion and a strong mind. The member told me that I was a "ball breaker" which was the reason my ex husband did not have sex with me. So far from the truth it is laughable. Yes this member is a patronising person and putting them on ignore was the best thing. I have no time for such people, they offer no value to life.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Holland said:


> Well luckily we don't get to vote on who gets banned, even if we could I would not participate.
> But we do have the option of putting people on ignore and that is enough for me personally.
> 
> I really enjoy one of the mentioned members posts even if I don't always agree.
> The other one I have on ignore as they were as a PP stated very patronising to me about a very hurtful topic. I came to TAM due to issues with my past sexless marriage, the poster in question stated on a thread here that it was all my fault because I am a woman that has her own opinion and a strong mind. The member told me that I was a "ball breaker" which was the reason my ex husband did not have sex with me. So far from the truth it is laughable. Yes this member is a patronising person and putting them on ignore was the best thing. I have no time for such people, they offer no value to life.


That's the thing, isn't it? I also don't believe in anybody being banned unless they outright break the rules, or are a troll. I don't think anybody's pushing for any sort of bans.

I too enjoy many threads and responses from some folks who I otherwise don't necessarily always agree with. I just wish some of these people would be more aware of how they come across here from time to time. This place is cathartic to many, but to very few, it's an ego boost of sorts, and it's not difficult to figure out which ones.


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