# Feeling really hurt by wife's comments



## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Hi,
I'm here to seek some impartial advice. I'm married 25 years and the one relatively constant source of angst in my marriage over the last ~15 years is that we have mismatched libidos. We've been to counselling on that topic, but it was a very uncomfortable topic. My wife has the lower libido. She didn't always, but her interest in sex disappeared for about 18 months after the birth of our first child and everything has been different in the years since. She suffered from post natal depression back then but we all worked our way through it and everything slowly got back to what has become our new normal, I guess. Things improved for a little while, after I had a vasectomy, something that came up as an idea during counselling.

I revealed some personal issues during counselling, that I regret now, because my wife jokes about them with her friends. I felt very humbled recently while on a date with my wife to find her and her best friend teasing me about the size of my manhood. We were in our local bar on a busy night, surrounded by regular pals, and I was mortified. I feel so lonely right now. I've been online and identified some pills that I could buy that say they help make you bigger down there, but I dread the thought that if she ever told anyone that I'd bought these pills, I just don't know what I would do.

Anyway, to try to cut a long story short, my wife has a large circle of friends to which she dedicates increasing amounts of her time on Facebook. She appears to share an intimacy with hundreds of FB friends that she doesn't share with me. She is very good looking but very vain and she likes to feign intimacy with others on FB (lots of love hearts and kisses in her responses to people she hardly knows and stuff like that), and she loves to boast. I find some of it to be a little embarrassing and I've found myself backing away from trying to negotiate with her about her behaviour because I started to feel like She was treating me like her father rather than her husband. While her FB flirting has brought her to dizzy new heights of awareness in our community, I've found that my circle of friends has just gotten smaller and smaller. I feel very isolated and alone, and I dare not talk to anyone.

Does anyone have any advice? I think I'm going to buy the pills and just not tell her because I fear it could be just another excuse, like the vasectomy thing, and things might improve for a while and then drop back to where we are now again. Just for clarity, we enjoy sex maybe 4 to 6 times per year and it always feels like she's doing it for my benefit. I've never been with anyone else, so maybe I'm just not any good at it. Success for me would be feeling intimate with my wife again, regardless of whether or not we have sex. It's the loneliness that hurts most.

Thanks,

Irish


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is very disrespectful. You need to address the respect that is lacking from your wife before worrying about your size.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

4-6 times per year. That is a sexless marriage. 
It's not ok for her to treat you that way.

It's also terrible selfish rude and plain mean that she would talk about personal matters with friends. Particularly your penis size. She should be building you up not tearing you down.

I think you need to make a stand, she needs shaking up here, and she needs to know that her behaviour is harming your marriage and putting it at risk. 

You deserve a loving caring wife and a decent sex life. 

You vowed to be faithful to each other, but without sexual and emotional intimacy you are just room mates. 

I think you need to put some serious thought into what you want your relationship to be like, what your boundaries are and then implement them and start doing the 180 on her. 

Please do not stay in this marraige as it is and suffer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

set boundaries is right. You're a man - with needs. She needs to meet those needs.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

..Upon hearing your case, I could foresee that divorce is not an altogether disagreeable option, especially if her cooperation are not forthcoming..


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Thanks for the feedback. I'd really like to find a solution that works for both of us. I'm not really bargaining from a position of power. If I withhold sex when she wants it, I'd only end up hurting myself. Also, she doesn't work and I work my ass off. In a divorce situation, I'd just end up being a slave. I imagine she'd get the house, my kids and I'd get to contribute to maintaining her lifestyle. She'd have everything but with me out of the picture and despite the fact that I love her, I fear that would probably e very agreeable to her. Just a follow up question to the comments above, If having sex 4-6 times a year is considered a sexless marriage, what is the minimum number of times per year that I should be aiming for? And should I go get the pills or will that backfire on me? I know I'm small. Think 'David', the statue and you'll get the picture. I've lost all confidence since that incident a few weeks ago.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She embarrassed you in public yet you let it slide? =/


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

First of there are no pills that make you bigger down there,so if you want to give some money to some scam artist that is up to you.

Your walk is walking all over you because she knows you will not do anything and speak out against her,people who love one another don't put their partners down in front of others so do you really think your wife loves you and respects you ? I would say no so MAN UP and tell her things will change or you are done.


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## uncool (Dec 12, 2010)

just needs a little work but I think it can be saved. See the private message I sent you.


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Ok guys, thanks for your comments. I didn't think drawing more attention to what my wife said was the best thing to do. At the time, I laughed it off, because I figured any protest would have resulted in a worse situation for me.
When we went to therapy a few years back, one thing that stuck in my head was that women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved. I'm not sure what I might have done to provoke the comment, but I laughed it off in front of everyone, and didn't know what to say when we got back home alone. I'm not ready for that conversation. Your comments are all welcome, but I'm still not quite sure what my next steps are. I get that it's a good idea to establish boundaries, I'm just not sure how to do that. As I'm the one that's working, the only thing I control is cash, but I've always made sure she has access to enough cash and never has to ask for more. I thought about pulling back a little to out her in a position where she had to ask me for cash, but thought better of it. While it might have helped to make a point, it would equate cash to sex and that's not a good thing. How have you guys set boundaries? And how do you start a conversation like that?


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Incidentally, that night when she made the comment, it came across like it was an inside joke between her and her girlfriends, but it wasn't very discrete. I know she's often keen when we go out, that we end up at our local bar to meet our friends, and particularly her girlfriends. I was thinking that the next time we're out, I'll refuse to go to wherever her friends might be because I don't like how it makes me feel, when I'm the butt of the joke when we meet them. She would probably see that as an over reaction because that comment only happened once, but it would give me the chance to let her know that I'm very unhappy about what happened.


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

By the way, does anyone know which pills might help increase penis size, strength, etc. I saw an ad for a product called 'Naturally Huge', and one called 'Longinexx', but was wondering if the ED drugs had any similar effect?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SHOCKING

I would divorce over this. Ask her how she would like it if you told all your mates that she stinks down there or that she can't suck c-ck for sh-t, or that she's a dead fish in bed? Tell her to grow the fk up or you'll walk. And MEAN it.

Don't take that sh-t mate.

And FFS enough about the pee pee size, unless you're well below average which is very rare amongst men you have nothing to worry about. Don't let one woman rob you of your own love for your own body.


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Thanks RandomDude. I understand the rage. It had occurred to me to counter by telling her that she had a bucket and I'd be better off trying to get off on punching smoke, but that would have been cruel, and born entirely out of anger and I'd just end up looking like a c#^t. I don't intend to let it go, but I do want to provide a more thoughtful and controlled response. I want to convey the message that it's not good enough, and I won't accept it ever happening again. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but assume she's not just throwing 25 years away just to make her girlfriends laugh. Thanks for your comment and your interest. It's helpful to get another perspective. I'm kind of glad you all think I'm under reacting rather than over reacting.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

'Naturally Huge', and one called 'Longinexx-You can't be serious,you need to learn to work with what you got.

The ED meds will make you get hard and maybe last longer,once again there is nothing that makes you bigger.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh you're under-reacting alright lol

Your wife is lucky to have a patient and calm man such as yourself (cause I sure as hell would go for revenge!) but it looks like she's taking your good nature for granted. It's time to put the foot down, if she wants to keep enjoying the priviledges of you as her husband she needs to grow the fk up.

Otherwise forget it, you can do so much better. Your wife's behaviour is inexcusable I'm sorry.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Unbelievable. She broke a very sacred trust. Counseling is supposed to be a safe place where you can both talk about uncomfortable issues safely, without worrying about the rest of the town knowing. For her to turn around and humiliate you like that is abhorrent. And by the way, I highly doubt that your penis size is really that different from the average man. She's just using one of the most sensitive topics (your manhood) to purposefully humiliate you. 

You need intensive individual counseling to address your low self esteem and figure out why you think you deserve to be stuck in a sexless marriage with a narcissistic woman. 

As far as how to set boundaries, forget trying to "control" her with money. It won't accomplish anything. Start with you basic emotional needs within a marriage: you need to be able to trust her to keep confidential marriage matters private. Tell her it is absolutely NOT acceptable for her to speak to her friends about such matters as your penis size, etc. Set a consequence if she does it again, i.e. she will be asked to move out if the house for 2 weeks. It's her problem to figure out where. 

Don't even try to start a conversation about boundaries with her, though, until you get some therapy. A therapist can help guide you with how to do it the right way so it doesn't backfire on you.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> I revealed some personal issues during counselling, that I regret now, because my wife jokes about them with her friends. I felt very humbled recently while on a date with my wife to find her and her best friend teasing me about the size of my manhood. We were in our local bar on a busy night, surrounded by regular pals, and I was mortified. I feel so lonely right now. I've been online and identified some pills that I could buy that say they help make you bigger down there, but I dread the thought that if she ever told anyone that I'd bought these pills, I just don't know what I would do.


What a b***h! I'm not very happy with the amount of sex my H and I have but I can tell you that if I ever humiliated him like that in front of a group of people.....well it might be deal breaker simply because the confidentiality of counselling was breached. Perhaps you need a partner who shows you a little bit more respect is more sensitive towards your feelings. Tell me, what would she do or how do you think she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I bet she'd be out the door!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

That's messed up. Lack of respect. Next time your at the pub pull one of her girlfriends over and ask her to speak to your wife about the terrible smell your wife has going on downstairs. She how well that goes over with her.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Getting respect starts with self respect.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Don't know what to say to this one

IF my wife had said ANYTHING NEAR to that in public, I would have packed a bag when I got home and left for at least the night

You guys have way too many issues and dynamics going on in your marriage for a simple internet forum to help you.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> By the way, does anyone know which pills might help increase penis size, strength, etc. I saw an ad for a product called 'Naturally Huge', and one called 'Longinexx', but was wondering if the ED drugs had any similar effect?


Just in case you missed the few other posts on this topic prior to this one.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PILL, POTION OR CREAM THAT WILL MAKE YOUR PENIS LARGER. DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY.

I hope that sunk in. The issue here is not your penis size. And even if it were, THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. You need to accept who you are and be proud of yourself. Products like Enzyte and likely the ones you mentioned above are vasodilators. They *temporarily* dilate the blood vessels in that region and cause a tiny bit of enlargement that is barely even noticeable. Then, everything goes back to the way it was. I have heard of penis enlargement surgery but those cases are very rare, very difficult, very expensive and rarely work. 

As others have mentioned, this is a relationship issue. One that you should not have to put up with. She has no respect for you as a man or as a husband. She has broken the sacred trust that is marriage. Her willingness to belittle you in front of her friends shows you where her heart is. The lack of sex in the marriage is nothing more than a symptom of this disrespect. You have some soul searching to do to figure out if you want to live the rest of your life like this. That is step number one.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I am sad by this post.

Not by the perfidy of your woman. People suck sometimes.

I feel sad because you are obsessed with your penis and seem intent on ignoring the Gorilla in the room...wondering why there is fur on your sofa.

To confront her is hard. It is a risk. It might mean loss. It certainly means bravery.

Let those walls continue to shut you in. A small room is...cozy...right?

You're being smart...right? RIGHT?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Stop worrying about the size of your penis and start worrying about the size of your balls.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

IrishJ said:


> I get that it's a good idea to establish boundaries, I'm just not sure how to do that. As I'm the one that's working, the only thing I control is cash, but I've always made sure she has access to enough cash and never has to ask for more. I thought about pulling back a little to out her in a position where she had to ask me for cash, but thought better of it. While it might have helped to make a point, it would equate cash to sex and that's not a good thing. How have you guys set boundaries? And how do you start a conversation like that?


You need to hold back on the things she values. Cash may be one start, but any affection, conversation, or the like may also be helpful. You need to stand up to her now. Not tomorrow, or the next day, but now.

As for boundaries, start reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and Hold Onto Your Nuts. These are two good places to start.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

That's a disgusting thing she did, I agree with the others it's not your size that you need to worry about. A woman who makes such a low blow is not much of a woman imo.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

IrishJ said:


> Does anyone have any advice?


Yes. Your wife is not into you. You turn her off. You need to correct that by becoming more attractive.

Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and buy the Primer and run the marriage action plan (MAP). That might turn your wife around.

Basically, women like healthy, muscular, confident, assertive men. You haven't said anything about your physical appearance, so I can't opine on that. Most men need some work in that department, however. But you are obviously lacking in confidence and assertiveness. You need to work on that. Stop treating your wife like she's your mother and you're afraid she's going to ground you. Women like men who can lead them.



IrishJ said:


> I think I'm going to buy the pills ...


Don't waste your money. At best, they will do nothing. At worst, they will harm you.
Penis-enlargement products: Do they work? - MayoClinic.com



IrishJ said:


> Just for clarity, we enjoy sex maybe 4 to 6 times per year and it always feels like she's doing it for my benefit.


Therapists define any marriage with less than 10 times per year as sexless. Average is a little over twice a week.

Good luck.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

IrishJ said:


> If I withhold sex when she wants it, I'd only end up hurting myself.


Of course. That's why nobody would suggest that. You want sex and she doesn't. If you withhold sex, you're just giving her what she wants. She'll love that. Maybe you can withhold something she likes. Does she like money? Would she notice if you cut off her money supply? Maybe you can start with that.



IrishJ said:


> In a divorce situation, I'd just end up being a slave. I imagine she'd get the house, my kids and I'd get to contribute to maintaining her lifestyle. She'd have everything but with me out of the picture and despite the fact that I love her, I fear that would probably e very agreeable to her.


Not necessarily. You should see a lawyer to see how to best position yourself. Not necessarily to file for divorce. But how to start saving and behaving so that, if she files, you aren't hurt as much. Each case is different. Women often come out of divorce better than men. However, I have a friend who is currently divorcing and she's going to have a much worse lifestyle afterwards.



IrishJ said:


> Just a follow up question to the comments above, If having sex 4-6 times a year is considered a sexless marriage, what is the minimum number of times per year that I should be aiming for?


There is no magic number. I can give you a number. But it would have no bearing on what your needs are. You need what you need. Go for that.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

IrishJ said:


> Ok guys, thanks for your comments. I didn't think drawing more attention to what my wife said was the best thing to do. At the time, I laughed it off, because I figured any protest would have resulted in a worse situation for me.


Wrong. What your wife did is known as a sh!t test. Women test men to see how much of their sh!t we will take. And the more we take, the less attractive we are.

Because you allowed her to publicly insult you, and even participated by laughing about it, you failed her test spectacularly. Passing the test means not allowing her to insult you. There are many ways to accomplish that. The minimum you should have done is to have immediately pulled her aside and told her that she was being cruel and you expect an apology. You could have also immediately stopped that joke, in front of her friends, and demanded a public apology right then and there. Or, you could have insulted her in turn. Surely she's done some embarrassing things over the course of your marriage. Bring some up. Any of those actions would have passed her test, and made you look more attractive.



IrishJ said:


> When we went to therapy a few years back, one thing that stuck in my head was that women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.


You've got half the equation. Yes, women need to feel loved. But they also need to feel an attraction. Right now, your wife knows you love her. You serve her willingly to prove it. But that just makes you her butler. And women aren't attracted to butlers. Butlers don't have much sex with the ladies of the house.



IrishJ said:


> I'm not ready for that conversation.


She knows that. You're scared of her and she knows it. Women are like wild animals. They can smell your fear. And it turns them off. You either have to stop being afraid of your wife, or you have to make her believe that you've stopped being afraid of her. You can fake it 'till you make it.



IrishJ said:


> I get that it's a good idea to establish boundaries, I'm just not sure how to do that. As I'm the one that's working, the only thing I control is cash, but I've always made sure she has access to enough cash and never has to ask for more.


Taking away her cash will be one of the steps. But it shouldn't be the first. It is guaranteed to make her go nuclear and you're not ready for it. She'll blow up on you and you'll cave.

First, you need to start doing things for yourself. Make yourself attractive to other women. If you are attractive to other women, you might be attractive to your wife.

Lose weight. Get in the gym and build some muscle. Get an interesting hobby that women would enjoy hearing about or participating in. Work on you. Get some new friends. Once you've made serious strides on yourself, you can start to rein in your wife and assert yourself as the head of your household.

Good luck.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

You don't need to plan or think out a response. You only need to remain calm, firm, confident, and adress it. 

You could have immediately (again calmly) gotten her off to the side and said "you know what, that was way out of line, even as a jokle. I'd never disrespect you like that, and you won't do it to me again. If you have a problem with the size of my ****, let me know now". 

You gotta know something...a lot of women like a big one or fantasize about it just like some guys do about big tits. But they're not that common. "Average" is far more common. What is less common is a guy who is a "rock her world" kind of lover. And that you can do with below average junk. You've got fingers and a tongue. She's got a vagina. Learn how to use them, and you'll likely out do the majority of the guys out there, regardless of your **** size. It doesn't take a big one to rock her world. It does take some knowledge and willingness. Once you've got that, you're ahead of most guys, **** size be damned. 

Once you're rocking her world, she'll cease to complain, and will fear you taking your talents elsewhere. That's a good spot to be in. Nearly all women I've talked to will take a guy with mad skills and an average **** over some guy with few skills and a big one. Now, all else equal (skills), sure, they're gonna want a bigger one. Thing is, most guys suck in bed, so that's rarely an issue. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Stop worrying about the size of your penis and start worrying about the size of your balls.


Agreed lol
Fking awesome quote for this situation!


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Not to be crude, and I know she is your wife. But, maybe her vagina is too big?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

IrishJ, your problem isn't between your legs. Your problem is where you are trying to put what you have and you need to either man up and straighten her out, or man up and move on.
I would suggest you find a way to get paternity tests run on any children you feel you have father for her, then sit her down and draw the line.
Women who feel they've been cheated in the size department usually never say anything about it until they are ready to dump their meal ticket. If you've been letting your loud mouth the freedom to go out with "her friends" as well as with guys who you "once considered" your friends, it's likely that her sex calender is considerably fuller than the one that you "enjoy".
Believe me, an occasional woman WILL marry a guy for a roof over her head and get anything else she wants elsewhere while he is out busting his hump to provide for her.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

hookares said:


> Believe me, an occasional woman WILL marry a guy for a roof over her head and get anything else she wants elsewhere while he is out busting his hump to provide for her.


I believe Americans has lots of words and terms for such woman?


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

I've had a lot a lot of girlfriends. I can tell you your wife was making herself more powerful in front of her friends by going there and having a good laugh. It really really is not about you. It was her on a power trip.

Your esteem is really low due to the no sex. If all her friends knew that she was denying her husband sex and you are in a sexless marriage she would not look so great anymore. She would be exposed and so would HER low self esteem. Trust me this woman has low self esteem no matter how beautiful she is.

I'm sorry that she is so disrespectful and uncaring toward you. You do not deserve this. I know as a man this is hard to believe but its not about you at all. Throw those pills away, this is about her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> IrishJ, your problem isn't between your legs.


I disagree, his problem is indeed between his legs alright, but nothing to do with his willy, EVERYTHING to do with his balls as WorkingOnMe mentioned IMHO


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

wow !!!!!!!!!! that is about the meanest thing a woman can do to a man 

she doesnt care about you at all. 

my hubby worried that he was small but hes just normal and i used to say i loved how we fitted together. very nice.

as for penis enlarging creams / pills ???????????? i really dont know but prob wont work..

i would rather a man who lasts long enough for us to have an O together than a huge penis..

.............. you need to discuss this with her. this is just nasty nasty


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

IrishJ said:


> Thanks RandomDude. I understand the rage. It had occurred to me to counter by telling her that she had a bucket and I'd be better off trying to get off on punching smoke, but that would have been cruel, and born entirely out of anger and I'd just end up looking like a c#^t. I don't intend to let it go, but I do want to provide a more thoughtful and controlled response. I want to convey the message that it's not good enough, and I won't accept it ever happening again. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but assume she's not just throwing 25 years away just to make her girlfriends laugh. Thanks for your comment and your interest. It's helpful to get another perspective. I'm kind of glad you all think I'm under reacting rather than over reacting.


When someone walks all over you, you don't sit there and take it and much later give a thoughtful controlled response. To do so makes you look like a doormat. And that's what you looked like to her and to her friends. We don't have to care what her friends think of you, but you should care how she sees you. She emasculates you in public and you take it. Why?!

I'm a woman by the way so this is one woman's perspective. You are way, way too passive and accomodating. You need to stand up for yourself. In that situation where she made a joke about your size down there, you could have left the table immediately and taken the car home. Let your wife figure out how to get home. You could have given a snappy comeback. That would have been my preferred comeback. Surely you know how to verbally do a put-down. To sit there and laugh was such a bad move. 

You're obviously scared of your wife. Walking on eggshells around one's spouse is not the sign of a healthy marriage. You need to stop accepting the sexual crumbs she throws your way. You need to develop more confidence in yourself because you really have none. If you're overweight or out of shape, get in shape. You're fixing you for yourself, not for her. You might also read some of the books the men here recommend like No More Mr. Nice Guy.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to be willing to lose her, other wise you are going to be miserable.
She is counting on the fact that you will not leave.

Also you will not lose everything, and would also get lots of time with your children. Wouldn't it be worth it to have a a real loving caring relationship? 
Men move on all the time, and have happy fullfilling lives. 
You need to be willing to take the risk, because if she believes nothing will change, neither will she.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

Oy vey! She'll only do to you what you allow her to do. You need to do 2 things: first, focus on being the best you that you can be. I mean, upgrade everything. Your wardrobe, your appearance, your health, your resume. Get your **** together as best you can. And know that you're doing it for you first, and for others second. Then, you need to set some boundaries for your wife. Let her know that you don't appreciate her behavior and be specific. This doesn't have to be done in a mean way, that doesn't seem to be your personality. On a scale of 1 to 10, let her know how much you're enjoying your marriage. If she doesn't want to raise that number, she doesn't care how much you enjoy it. At that point, you may need to consider leaving her...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

OMG I'm mortified at what you wife did to you!! how horrible and disgusting, disrespectful, mean, cruel, vicious, and spiteful. Is this how she is all the time about everything, or just about sex? While everyone was chuckling, she made everyone uncomfortable. That's how I would feel if a friend joked about her husband's penis size in front of me. She's a loser and they know it and that's what you are married to.

She probably treats you like sh*t all the time. I think you need to get out. Fear of becoming a work "slave" and losing a lot of $ is not a reason to stay in such a harmful place.

Get counseling, get an attorney, tell her that you've had enough of her disgusting thoughtless mean behavior and tell her that either you want a loving, intimate respectful marriage, or you're outta there.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> I revealed some personal issues during counselling, that I regret now, because my wife jokes about them with her friends. I felt very *humbled* recently while on a date with my wife to find her and her best friend teasing me about the size of my manhood. We were in our local bar on a busy night, surrounded by regular pals, and *I was mortified*. I feel so lonely right now.


Humbled? Mortified is a MUCH better word!

Irish, I'm sorry, but she has zero respect for you. I have NO IDEA what I would do in this situation, but I can guarantee the police would be involved. I would have LOST IT! 

Who cares about the money! I'm never said this on TAM before...GET OUT and find someone else and stop being so passive...

Best of luck!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Why don't you tease her about her loose womanhood and her chest looking like there were two slippers plastered on them....see how she responds to that.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

I don't know what I would do in your situation. Some woman will humiliate a man by making a reference that he has a small penis, even if he doesn’t. It’s there trump card. It happened to me with an ex girlfriend. I split up with her and she was pissed. She tried to spread rumors. It did not work and did not bother me since I knew I was actually a bit above average. Also, forget about penis enlargement pills etc. – none of that works.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

NorCalMan said:


> I don't know what I would do in your situation. Some woman will humiliate a man by making a reference that he has a small penis, even if he doesn’t. It’s there trump card. It happened to me with an ex girlfriend. I split up with her and she was pissed. She tried to spread rumors. It did not work and did not bother me since I knew I was actually a bit above average. Also, forget about penis enlargement pills etc. – none of that works.


It's VERY funny you mentioned that because it's so true. It's THE female trump card but I don't think it works long term. I remember having an ex GF who tried to do that...needless to say you don't walk around saying a 6 ft tall black athlete (both in college and post college - soccer, football, boxing, basketball) has a small weenie LOL. It backfired real bad. I not only plundered her best friend and a few others in her friends circle, I added her older sister to the list. She was the butt of many jokes and to be honest I think other women can see through that trump card. 
If she goes out of her way to say that then it's usually the complete opposite.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I agree with aston I haven't met a woman who respects the 'he has a small penis' dig, most probably be thinking about what a b*tch she was for saying that rather than thinking about who she was saying it about.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Wow, I am so sorry for the hurt that your W has caused. There is no excuse for that kind of disrespect. Maybe she needs to do some kegels. 

I agree that skill is very important, as well as compatibility. 

Different positions will impact how you feel inside.

Pills and creams don't work. There is surgery but often causes worse problems so would not suggest that. There are contraptions that increase size, but they take a long time and basically you are putting it in traction.

Please read this article The Rare Truth About Penis Size | Psychology Today because many men that think they have small ones, really are average. Porn is the rare few that are extremely large, not at all representative of the majority. Just like there are few men of this proportion, there are also few women that can handle a man of that proportion.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> Incidentally, that night when she made the comment, it came across like it was an inside joke between her and her girlfriends, but it wasn't very discrete. I know she's often keen when we go out, that we end up at our local bar to meet our friends, and particularly her girlfriends. I was thinking that the next time we're out, I'll refuse to go to wherever her friends might be because I don't like how it makes me feel, when I'm the butt of the joke when we meet them. She would probably see that as an over reaction because that comment only happened once, but it would give me the chance to let her know that I'm very unhappy about what happened.


You should have walked up and said..."Maybe my penis isn't big enough because you have such a cavernous vagina..." and then walked away.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

I once had the misfortune of being within blast radius of a nasty lover's quarrel that broke out in the work place. At it's climax, the woman screamed, "You can't please anyone with that small organ!" To which he replied, "It was never intended to perform in a cathedral."

Anecdote aside, I'm not sure why you're asking advice. You already know what to do.



IrishJ said:


> I want to convey the message that it's not good enough, and I won't accept it ever happening again. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but assume she's not just throwing 25 years away just to make her girlfriends laugh.


Say it just like that. Don't change a thing.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

First off, I'm sorry for this.

From what she has said, there is a chance you aren't good in bed or aren't pleasing her.

But regardless of whether or not this is true, that's not something to bring up in front of her friends.

Why did you not stand up to her? There is nothing less sexually appealing than a doormat. 

I suggest you find out where her anger at you comes from. To say that means she does not respect you and is angry at you. 

Best of luck.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Well Irish I started reading your initial post and stoped in the first paragraph or two. Haven't read other comments yet either because frankly I don't need to for this first note.

*Being ridiculed and made fun of by your spouse is a deal breaker*. That behavior stops or there's nothing to work on. My wife is my best friend yet making fun of me would result in a quick and nasty ultimatum. Zero tolerance for some things and that's one of them.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I agree with many posting here. There is nothing that can justify that sort of humiliation at your expense. I would NOT spend a second more thinking about the size of your penis, nothing is going to change it. ED drugs might help you maximize what you have so that is worth investigating but it isn't the real problem here. The real problem is the disrespect shown by your own wife. I'm seeing all sorts of red flags here that say an affair on her part is not out of the question ... she seems well on her way. I hope not. I don't know the answer here but I would start with going back to marriage counseling and you need to be upfront and honest about your concerns. I'm guessing the counselor is not going to be easy on her for that. I wish you the best of luck.


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## IrishJ (Jan 21, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your comments. Some were hard to read but I needed to get a blast of honest feedback. She made some wisecrack again this weekend, so I told her to f€&k off and make someone else miserable for a change and just left her there. She hasn't talked to me since and I'm making my arrangements to leave. It's hard to think straight when you have someone trying to steal your confidence 24/7, and I figure I need the space to help me figure out what I want. Really funny thing about the weekend is that I've had a couple of her single pals calling me and texting me telling me they "understand why I said what I did, and that they always felt a close connection to me" and "if I ever wanted to just get away and talk", and all that. One of them is laying it on heavy, but I don't trust any of them. I need to get out and clear my head.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It looks like you're in a favorable position now, you have yet to make an embarrassing comment about her in front of her friends, but at the same time you've shown your wife and her friends that you've had enough of being a pushover. You have both moral high ground, support and perhaps growing respect from her friends.

She may wake up and realise she needs to learn basic common sense, manners, respect and courtesy. Personally I wouldn't stick around for her to learn something she should have learnt in childhood, especially when the sex is lame to begin with. I would start making plans of how to get myself out of this mess of a marriage! Heh


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

why are you with this woman?

id leave her immediately she will be crying for you to stay. But honestly any person who treats a "spouse" like that is not worth time nor effort.

LEAVE!!!

However sadly i do not think it will be this easy. I really hope you find a good woman

best of luck


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> Thanks everyone for your comments. Some were hard to read but I needed to get a blast of honest feedback. She made some wisecrack again this weekend, so I told her to f€&k off and make someone else miserable for a change and just left her there. *She hasn't talked to me since and I'm making my arrangements to leave*. It's hard to think straight when you have someone trying to steal your confidence 24/7, and I figure I need the space to help me figure out what I want. Really funny thing about the weekend is that I've had a couple of her single pals calling me and texting me telling me they "understand why I said what I did, and that they always felt a close connection to me" and "if I ever wanted to just get away and talk", and all that. One of them is laying it on heavy, but I don't trust any of them. I need to get out and clear my head.


Well Ive been out of circulation for a while but reading this post I realy felt empathy for you.
There is as has been said over and over here a massive amount of disrespect. On a plus side youve maintained control and not reacted as many a man would have fronted up and all hell broken loose. All point about creams to enlarge are right - they dont work. If you have an operation to release some of the penale muscle that is inside you (you can feel it when erect) there is a change of about an inch to inch and a half being made. Then there a chance that erectile disfunction will occur. Leave nature along fella. 
Regarding the comment on your size in public. I have been in company with a male friend and his wife when she made a really nasty comment similar to yours. The guy looked her straight in the eyes and said "Well how would you know if it wasn't big enough when its like swinging a pin in the church all anyway, Why dio you think I tie a blank to my rear end to stop myself falling in". The look on her face was absolute gold. Ive heard her disrespect him so many time infront of her girlfriends and this time they were all there and there partners. He got up went to the bar and bought himself a large beer. Followed by 6 guys patting him on the back. 
Having had a wife whose friend s seemed to mean more to her than me when we were out (Ive ben there as well and posted about it) I can say its time to sit her down and say it the way it is. Hit her with little or no sex issue and that a "good wife" doent do that, they dont take your marridge personal information and talk about it in public, on facebook or anything else unless youve said its ok and they DO NOT disrespect their partner in anyway unless they ahev their bags on the door step leaving. Then have the empty luggage sitting there and tell her to make her choices. Be in the marridge or go be a friend to someone who might give a damn. 
When you react she'll really get up tiht because youve not reacted like this before, but drive it home what you do, how youve put her up there and she's ridiculed you for the very last time, there will jot be anotehr time as shell be out. And then as suggested tighten up on her ability to shop, go with friends buy the clothes etc and see how she reacts. There will be bumps but shell see a man there that has had enough.


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

> One of them is laying it on heavy, but I don't trust any of them.


Check! Good!

BUT! Though you have to get your head clear, you have to know that from now on you have to behave more like a man. You will have to start believing that there are certain issues you cant disclose all at once to anyone in this world. Many men fall into this trap. While their wives usually just disclose usual and unimportant things during therapy-sessions, they open up and start to leak like water in a bucket full of holes. When you disclose something, then always a part of it.


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

IrishJ said:


> Thanks everyone for your comments. Some were hard to read but I needed to get a blast of honest feedback. She made some wisecrack again this weekend, so I told her to f€&k off and make someone else miserable for a change and just left her there. She hasn't talked to me since and I'm making my arrangements to leave. It's hard to think straight when you have someone trying to steal your confidence 24/7, and I figure I need the space to help me figure out what I want. Really funny thing about the weekend is that I've had a couple of her single pals calling me and texting me telling me they "understand why I said what I did, and that they always felt a close connection to me" and "if I ever wanted to just get away and talk", and all that. One of them is laying it on heavy, but I don't trust any of them. I need to get out and clear my head.


Good job Irish! Just keep really strong and wait for her to come to you. I never advocate spouses giving the silent treatment (hub and I never did that in 14yrs married) but I know the woman type you are dealing with and if you start planning a new life without her she will come crawling back to you. She may not show any remorse in the least until the last minute but be super strong and keep yourself occupied in the meantime. She will come crawling back to you. After you ponder her begging and pleading for a while then be ready with your ground rules. 

In her heart of hearts this woman desires a take charge take no bull kind of man. My hub would not stand for that for one second. I know that and respect him all the more for that. You are a really nice gentle-hearted man. That's wonderful! but don't show that again until you get her straightened out!


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

should of told her in front of her friends......u had no problem chocking and gagging on it last night,


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

lots of guys have good luck with jequiling(sp)


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