# Fed up and feel like a failure



## exhausted39 (Nov 20, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have a 7 year old. We were together a few years before we got married. Since we have gotten married my husband has become more and more selfish. He said that he wanted children about a year after we were married but the problem was we lived in a small one bedroom house. I worked fulltime, my husband was working out of town, and I took care of the household responsibilities. After a couple of years we built a house which my husband never really wanted to do. He was fine living in a one bedroom home but at the same time complaining to others that I did not want to have kids with him. My husband quit his job when we built our house because he said that he needed to be there even though my dad was there to do the building. After the house was nearly built I finally convinced my husband to return to work because we could not afford him not working. He started working a job where he only worked when the weather was good or when he felt like it. He worked on average about 20 hours a week and spent the rest of the time fishing or hunting. In the mean time he bought a new boat and tons of fishing equipment not to mention the boat that he bought before and a new four wheeler. The problem was that he was spending what he was making on boat payments and on himself. He would give me some money for bills but not enought to even cover a 1/3 of our bills. I was also paying his insurance through my work. After two years of living in the new house tried to talk to him about refinancing enough to pay off our cars because I could not keep up with what needs to be paid. Either that or he needs to work more and give me more money. He finally let me refinance. Over the next year we decided to have a child because I wasn't getting any younger. He said that he would work more and spend more time around the house taking care of things. He did work more until after I went back to work after having the baby. Then he began to slack off work and fish all the time. He was also fishing tournaments which cost quite a bit. My mother quit her job and became our fulltime babysitter thank goodness because we could not afford to pay daycare. He rarely helped with any housework other than occasionally taking out trash. He still was only paying about 1/3 of the bills and with a baby there were more expenses. I decided to go back to school to finish my Masters. I was then working fulltime, going to school, taking care of a baby and a house. He only kept the baby on occasional Saturdays during the time I was going to school. He would not pick the baby up on Thursday evenings until right before I came home from school. Since our son has been born I have taken care of everything for him. My husband does not take any time or interest in doing anything with him or taking care of anything for him. I now continue to work fulltime, take care of our child, and house. It hasn't gotten to the point where our house has needed repairs done for years and I cannot get him to take care of them. I now am taking care that also. Recently we had to have a new roof put on our house he called the insurance company and had the adjuster come to the house on my day off. I later found out that he was working only 10 miles away and could have come home to meet with the adjuster. I ended up having to get a company to fix the roof, pick out roof shingles, and take care of the check to pay them. My dad has been taking care of the other repairs on the home like having our drain on our septic fixed which needed be done for years but he would not take care of it. Over the years there is a long list of things that he has let go and not done. He would kill himself to do for our neighbors and use things that should be used to repair our home. He let the roof get so bad before he would do anything that water was pouring through our bedroom ceiling. He went and put tarp on the roof and waited another 6 months to do anything. He has now quit doing any mowing. He used to at least use the riding mower but not weedeat. This year he has only mowed 1.5 times. I end up picking up the slack. For months he stopped taking out trash or would not care for dogs. Not to mention he does nothing else around the house including picking up after himself. After our son was born I had him start doing his own laundry. He throws his clothes in the floor of our bedroom and will not put his clothes away if he does wash them. He will leave them in the dryer or a basket wadded up. I have confronted him about his lack of care for our home and family but he gets angry then leaves. After that he pouts and won't have anything to do with us. I confronted him about the bills again about a year ago I asked him to pay half of the bills. I listed them all out so he could see why I was asking for the money. His reaction was we needed to get rid of things. This coming from a man who just got done paying off another boat motor for his boat. The thing is that he does not consult me about taking out the loans on the boat or motor. I find out after he has done it. He has become so aggressive with our son over the years that I do not like to leave him alone with him. He does not see that he does anything wrong but he yells, intimidates and bullies our son. At times he uses physical discipline that gets out of control. The problem is that he disciplines because he is angry with him. I spend much of the time at home playing interference between the two of them. He keeps secrets and lies about things all the time even though some of them are small and makes no sense to lie. He started doing work on his own after his other job. The only thing is that when he said something about doing this he wanted me to take care of getting it set up and keep paperwork for him. I refused. We went through this once before and I will not do it again. He went ahead and started doing this work without getting a tax id or paying any taxes. He started keeping his bank statements in his truck and not bringing them in the house. I had his account put online where I can see it. I found out that he was paying people to help him without paying work comp. or anything. I confronted him and he got angry about it but he still continued. I am worried about what this will do when we have to do our taxes. He also won't follow through with getting insurance on himself even though he has great insurance through his job. I have tried to make him see how is using and taking advantage of me and that he cannot treat his child the way he does but I am exhausted. I am not sure what to do. I want out but I have a child who is already not doing well emotionally. What do I do? I am so angry with him and frustrated because I wanted more for my son. This is not fair to him.


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

Do you have a church home? You are not a failure, you've been trying and trying and trying and you're tired. This level of troubles, you need to turn it over to God to handle. Your husband is involved all sorts of things that are going to bite him eventually, get out of the way and let God handle this. Is there a calvary chapel near where you live? Ask God to be a husband to you and a Father to your kids, and watch how He will bless you. You do not have to carry this load all by yourself. Hugs!!!!


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