# Just need to vent



## Wildcard986 (5 mo ago)

So wife and I been together for 7 years. Of the 7, married 2.
5 years ago I suffered 2 traumatic brain injuries. She never left my side. Due to the TBI's I was forced into retirement (DOD) and now collecting SSDI. My daily life is extremely depressing.
Wife works full-time, while I take care of our house, and our 2 year old when he's not at daycare m-f.
Due to lots of unexpected misfortunes (My own health, passing of her eldest sister by suicide in her mid 20's, away at college)my wife was diagnosed with bi- polar depression and severe anxiety. And must take mood stabilizers.
The medication she takes apparently makes it difficult to be in "the mood"
I just often feel unloved, and unappreciated for what I do around the house. Which top it off I must daily overcome this feeling of insignificance of going from a U.S Marine to a nobody in society that collects disability.
We spoke to a therapist briefly, briefly because in all fairness I agreed with her. Just an expense we can't afford monthly. We used, regain app. Very helpful for anyone looking.
Our therapist suggested find one night a week, that's no kids. Just the 2 of you. Ask if it has been working? Idk, be nice if she followed through.
I did try suggesting vitamins/supplements for increasing libido. And you'd think I asked her to murder someone. She tried explaining her medication......Idk my thought is if you don't like the side effects of a medication. Try to counter balance it with supplements? Years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Eventually I spoke with my doctor, and completely stopped taking my medication for it. Because I didn't like losing the closeness feeling with my wife. So I learned coping techniques, and basically "suck it up, everyone has it hard. It's called life"
I understand we'll probably never have the sex life we once had, push the bed back across the room before work in the morning, or she called in sick 3 days straight because she couldn't walk.
I honestly just want to feel like she's attracted to me, want to feel desired, wanted, and appreciated.
She has told me to find a FWB, but feel like it would hurt her so much. Plus who actually has time for that. And how find one? Additionally she is really the only woman I find sexually attractive.
Idk if it's a side effect of the brain trauma or I'm just crazy in love. But line up every woman in America, say they all want me.I'd 100% choose my wife every time.
Thank you for listening, understand some have it much worse. But as I've learned over the years. Difficult to say how hard some have it, impossible to walk another man's shoe's


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

you two have had a rough time it is one thing to have to give up your job after you TBI but then for your wife to loose her sister around the same time , it can not is easy , 

now first of all you have a child that is well looked after , 
you had to retire from work and I can only hope you have some type payment that replaces the financial side of that , 
your wife still seems to have her job even though she was diagnosed with bi- polar 
and you both are going to a therapist 

ALL these are positive things , and I will not talk about your wife as she is not here to talk for her self , 
and while the vitamins/supplements improved life style or other things can have some benefit they are very hit and miss ,

All this part of your post is what we can talk about "I honestly just want to feel like she's attracted to me, want to feel desired, wanted, and appreciated.
She has told me to find a FWB, but feel like it would hurt her so much. Plus who actually has time for that. And how find one? Additionally she is really the only woman I find sexually attractive.
Idk if it's a side effect of the brain trauma or I'm just crazy in love. But line up every woman in America, say they all want me.I'd 100% choose my wife every time.
Thank you for listening, understand some have it much worse. But as I've learned over the years. Difficult to say how hard some have it, impossible to walk another man's shoe's "

first off to feel like she's attracted to YOU , 
Depending where she is now and how much time you want to give , 
yes you can do some things like clean well dressed extra effort and make her feel good , but we don't know if that will ever have a effect and she more than likely is on some drugs that supress her sex drive as side effects,

SHE GAVE YOU A HALL PASS so did my wife once , offered me an escort and all I refused and I supposed I researched every thing I could find on how to become the perfect husband and without any guarantee things slowly worked but my wife was never on drugs and never went to a doctor because she looked on getting help as a weakness and other reasons that go along the soma lines ,

I like you was only wanted sex with her and most other things were ok or worked them self out with time 

I am sorry I can't offer any subjection on what to do or what is a good way to go , AND I THINK WHILE YOUR WIFE HAS OFFERED YOU a hall pass and to get yourself a FWB I think she does not expect you to do so , , but then I don't know your wife and my wife at the time was fully open to it and even today some 25 years later she would give that to me and say it is out of love, 
But today 25 years later it is she that has the higher sex drive


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Wildcard986 said:


> My daily life is extremely depressing.


Yep life can sometimes really suck, but at least it's sometimes interesting.



Wildcard986 said:


> Idk my thought is if you don't like the side effects of a medication. Try to counter balance it with supplements? Years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Eventually I spoke with my doctor, and completely stopped taking my medication for it. Because I didn't like losing the closeness feeling with my wife. So I learned coping techniques, and basically "suck it up, everyone has it hard. It's called life"


Yeah the thing is bi-polar isn't something one just gets over, or sucks up. That medication she takes despite the side effects of decreased sexual desire have far more benefits to her wellbeing than otherwise.



Wildcard986 said:


> She has told me to find a FWB, but feel like it would hurt her so much.


Well, you know you could go there if you want , perhaps appreciating it as a gift from her, while being mindful not to embarrass her or to hurt her with it.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

If my wife ever told me I can get a FWB, I would assume that's the beginning of the end of our relationship. That's probably the furthest thing in the world my wife would say. Shoot, she had to come with me to Vegas for a work trip just to make sure I'm behaving....lol (and a little over the top)


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

I just often feel unloved, and unappreciated for what I do around the house.

honestly just want to feel like she's attracted to me, want to feel desired, wanted, and appreciated.

Taken from your post above. Have you actually said these things to your wife? In honest conversation, not in bedroom or during an argument.
If you haven’t, you should. It may help her realize that the way you are feeling is not just about actual sex. Sounds like the two of you need to spend some honest time together discussing where you are and how to make things better for each other going forward. Having fwb is not it. You are looking for that intimate connection with your wife.

Also, I suspect maybe the supplement suggestion didn’t go over well with her because she either felt like you were trying to quick fix her or that you don’t really know or care about her health situation or else you would not have made that suggestion if you did. Something to think about.


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## AlwaysImproving (5 mo ago)

I personally think psychotropic drugs are poison. I had a doctor talk me into one a long time ago when I had never really heard about them and was young. I felt like a zombie and it was hard to really care about anything. They are also very difficult to quit with horrible side effects that last weeks to months after quitting depending on how long you were on them. That hard to feel and care effect might have something to do with her struggle to be affectionate and saying to get a FWB. Maybe? 

Well, you're just here to vent and I'm just here to vent about those drugs lol. Hope you have a great day!


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