# Almost ready to give up!



## LT1975 (Feb 10, 2012)

Me 36 him 37
Been together 20 years married 12 years
3 kids 15, 13 and 8
He has cheated on me 4 times that I know of 1996x2;1999;2004
(I believe 99.9% that there are more esp. between 1996-2000)
I cheated on him once 2007 with his friend

I always just dealt with and did my own "getting over" his infidelity. After I cheated I tried to get him and me into therapy. He was against that and would not go and did not want me to go alone.

He has a drinking and drug "problem". He is not a down and out bum. He does hold a job etc. 

My problem is he has tried to get over what I have done and is not having any luck with that. I have trust issues with him that stem from the affairs to the drugs. Lying and hiding things have been an ongoing theme with him. I'm no angel but if we are keeping a scorecard I would come closer than him. 

I was the "good wife" for years at home taking care of kids and responsibilities while he was out partying. Yes he worked and gave me money for bills etc. Other than that I took care of everything.

He has changed somewhat. He has gotten older and does not run around anymore. He loves to say, "I am sooooo much better than I use to be." It is true, but for me all the sudden it is not enough. I want and need more. 

He gets drunk atleast 2x a week and about 90% of time when he is drunk he rages. He brings up all the things I did and even makes up things to have them sound worse that what actually happened. He has broken things. He wakes kids up with his yelling. He refuses to let me leave. About 4-5 times a month he gets high. He lies and hides his use. I am against drugs and think drinking is ok as long as a person doesn't get drunk and does it every now and then.

I am at the end of my rope. He trys to stop the drinking and says he wants to because he doesn't want me to leave. He trys to do all this on his own. He refuses to get help because he doesn't have a problem, etc.

I am considering leaving, I already have a plan in place.

I don't know what I am looking for on here. I am just putting it out here.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what took you so long?

have you been getting help for your co-dependency?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

LT1975 said:


> I AM leaving, I already have a plan in place.
> 
> .


Fixed it for you.


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## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

Exactly, what took you so long? You're both cheating on each other, you're leading two separate lives, why r you two still married till today?


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## LT1975 (Feb 10, 2012)

No I am not getting any help for my co-dependency. I tried going to al anon. He doesn't want me to go. Then he said I could go if could go with me. So, I decided to just forget it.

Well, I am still here because it isn't all bad. They are few and far inbetween. I stay because I am fearful of change and the what ifs the unknown. I stay because I am always hopeful, naive, gullible. 

I stay because leaving feels overwhelming and impossible.


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## stedfin (Apr 14, 2012)

LT1975 said:


> I tried going to al anon. He doesn't want me to go. Then he said I could go if could go with me.(


So why not let him go with you?


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## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

Of course he doesn't want you to go to Al-Anon, he doesn't want you to change! He told you you could only go if he went because he knew you would drop it. He's manipulating you. You need to go to Al-Anon and keep going. See if there is one near you that has beginner meetings, they are great. I know this may take all of the courage you have, but tell him you are going. If he wants to go with, fine. I think that was a hollow threat from him tho. Don't let him talk you out of going and GO!!!


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## LT1975 (Feb 10, 2012)

I don't want him going with me because it is for me and not about him. Also I feel like he will be rude about it. He already laughed at me for wanting to go. He already thinks I am going to talk bad about him. I went to one meeting several months ago when he was out of town. He was furious about it. Told me that I was going to meet guys. There was 4 other people there and they was all women. 

I know I have problems and I suppose I know the answer to my problems. It is just getting the courage to just do it. I feel like I am almost there.


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## The Lurker (May 11, 2012)

He cheated on you 4 times, and you cheated on him? Its time for both of you to go your separate ways if you ask me.


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