# Can anyone help me?



## Iamconfused (Jun 5, 2011)

I have no idea where to start....I am so confused. I guess I will start in the beginning. 

Eight years ago I met a wonderful woman with a great kid. I was in the military and I totally fell in love with her. We got married and began our new life together only six months after meeting. 

I was in the military another two years and finally was retired for a medical disability. I am not totally disabled just have a bad back and stuff, I can walk and all that just can't do military stuff. I got out and wasn't working, I was depressed and really was despondent, I had ten years in and was looking forward to doing a full retirement. So basically my life came to a screaching halt and I couldn't find a job. 

My wife worked her ass off and I kinda just sat around and ate bon bon's on the couch for like six months. I finally got a job and started to work.My wife was unhappy with her job so she quit and she got another one. 

We moved and I got a job where she worked. We lived there for seven months and decided that the manager at that job was a theif and we needed to get away from my family. So we picked up and moved to another state near her family. Which I have no problem with but they despise me. 

In 2007 I was so depressed I attempted suicide, my wife wrestled the gun away from me that day, and for that I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL. Cut to a short stay at the mental institution and three months later I begin to go to school. 

I was in school for three years, then my wife decided to kick me out. I left and went home. I then got a job offer for a great job on the other side of the country. I took it and departed to work. 

I have been here one year, I haven't seen my wife but three times my kids three times. I am in limbo, I have threatened alot of things in the past. I am curious as to what the hell I am supposed to do, that is another thing I am working on. 

Here is why I have posted here, when my wife kicked me out a "friend" and his wife got a divorce at nearly the same time. He moved in next door. I got kicked out and left, had no other choice due to financial reasons, moved in with the parents. I accused her of cheating then and she said I was crazy. 

I left it alone we met a couple of times when we could afford it. Come October i went home and was at a high school football game and was sitting there and the "friend" that divorced his wife was sitting a few seats away, leering and checking out my wife. I couldn't take it and got pissed off and got up and left. I texted her because I didn't want to cause a scene and stated that I didn't like the fact that he was leering at her and I had to leave. 

This led me to become more pissed and I left once again for my job because I had to. I then started to get really jealous and started to dig a little and I found that she was texting/calling me at say eight pm and then hanging up saying she was going to bed and was up until the wee hours of the morning texting/talking to him.

When I confronted her about it she denied an affair and said he was just a friend and they talked about his ex wife and me and it was only that. She maintained this until a few weeks ago. 

When I said to her that I didn't know if I could get over the fact that she at least maintained a relationship after I said I didn't want her too with this friend. I said I think she possibly had an emotional affair and she she said so the **** what. I have been ****ing him since you left. I **** him all the time. He is way better than you in bed and you can go **** off. 

I understand the defensiveness but the hurtful things she said is why I am posting. After this she called me back and said she said it because she was mad. I am not so sure. I mean she hasn't been truthful. She has gotten tattoos and piercings and hasn't said a word. I don't know how I can trust her she hides things from me and thinks I will be mad but I won't, I might say that I don't like that idea, but I won't be mad. I am so confused can someone just give me an idea of what I can do. 

Also she just accused me of cheating and I have never ever cheated on her or ever thought about it in our whole marriage. While she will comment how hot a guy is or that she wouldn't kick them out of bed for eating cookies. I don't do that about other women and am confused as to why she would say that about men. Do you think she is a cheater? or that I am over reacting? I know it is hard not knowing her or me but I just need some advice. Please help.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

You can't fix things from opposite sides of the country. Either move back to her and fix it or stay where you are and let go.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In your absence your wife has found emotional comfort with another man. This has now turned into a PA and thats just how it happens. 
It never a good idea for ones spouse to have an oppisite sex friend, it always leeds to no good.

Lets face it your gut is telling you she's cheating but your heart is denying it. Your heart does not want to believe the unbelieveable. Your intuition is telling you somethings not right b/c its not ...she is screwing around.

Why do I say this, well b/c #1 she has little respect for you due to the remarks she makes about other guys and she had the balls to tell you about all the f*cking. 

So please face it, if she doesnt have enough respect for you when your right in front of her, she surely will not have any respect for you in the dark ...behide your back.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> *Also she just accused me of cheating and I have never ever cheated on her or ever thought about it in our whole marriage.* While she will comment how hot a guy is or that she wouldn't kick them out of bed for eating cookies. I don't do that about other women and am confused as to why she would say that about men. Do you think she is a cheater? or that I am over reacting? I know it is hard not knowing her or me but I just need some advice. Please help.


I don't know if your wife is a cheater but her actions certainly leave a lot to be desired. One thing though, cheaters are notorious for accusing their betrayed spouses of doing what they are doing themselves in order to deflect suspicion.

It is obvious that she hasn't missed your company and shown a desire for you and her to live together again, so my question to you is *what benefit are you deriving from being separated from your wife for more than a year?*


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## lala (Jun 4, 2011)

It sounds like to me that she dosn't love you and she probably is cheating on you with that other man. If I were you I would file for divorce if you already haven't. I mean, your not even living with her one so ya'll are separated but legally still married, so I would go ahead and file for divorce and try to move on with my life. To be honest, your wife sounds like a piece of sh*t. I would tell her to f*ck off, but if you still love her and want to try to work things out then do it..but I don't think she would at this point.


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