# Depression and Separation



## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

Anyone else go through or dealing with this?

A little history...
6 days ago my husband broke the news to me that he did not feel the same way about me anymore. I was getting cold bad vibes from him for a week! 
I dont even recognize him right now at all! 
This is so unbelieveable I am devestated to say the least!
He left (I offered but he didnt want me to take kids away from what they know) so I told him he had to go then as he was being so rude to me in front of the kids. 

So went went for a free one session counselling last night. 
Man did I feel sick! It was aweful!
But in the end good (I guess)
We filled out a survey before going in.
Went in, First thing the counsellor said was lets discuss your goals for the night.
Mine was to communicate better and know there is still hope.
His was to make it clear!
OUCH, that was like a smack in the face!
Things went on, he was being asked alot of questions and really opening up. He went on to say that he is LOST, stressed with work. He said he has been feeling unhappy for years! I knew he was unhappy with work and life stresses which I tried to fully support, NEVER did I think I had anything to do with it. But wants to make it clear that he does not have feelings for me anymore. The counsellor thanked him for being so open but questioned why the answers on his survery dont match with what he was saying. (He wrote everything was great 5/5 for mood and everything)
He later went on to say he would get a small apartment through work and that he wants me and the kids to stay where we are, and he will continue to support us. (We live in a very expensive home that we can barely afford now! Together)
He said maybe the space he would see if he loves me or not? 
Again, 2 different answers. 
Hope or no hope? 
What do I do?
In the end the Professionals suggested conselling for him, and gave him a sheet on Depression in men and asked him to see a Doctor.
This is so hard.
I am hanging on beleiveing that if he sees our Doctor, gets help for his depression (which I have been suggesting for years) and gets counselling to help talk about all these things he bottles up, perhaps just perhaps he could fall back in love with me or better yet, maybe realize it was never me, and that he does love me!
We have 2 children 4 and 11 months. My 4 year old has caught on to things and it breaks my heart!!!
I dont know how this all happened, but please help?!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

At the very least, you've come to a place where people understand where you're coming from... I'm sure you'll get a lot of support here.


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

Oh I need it right now! Thanks!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

your situation is extremely like mine. I am so sorry to see you here, but we are all going through a horrific time in our lives. how old is your h? how long have you been married? a bit more background will help us to understand more.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Unfortunately, on this board, this is not uncommon. Glad you made it here to have a place. It sure has helped me.

I hope your H gets help. He is in a negative mode of thinking. He's unhappy with his life. Give him that space and time. Try not to be pushy. Get on with your life and be the best you. It's difficult and forced at times.

He just may be at the point of being overwhelmed. There is always hope!


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

I am holding on to hope thank you!

DH is 34, I am 31, our DS is 4 and DD 11 months. Together 9 years, *married 7*!
he wants "space" but says he misses the kids and wants to meet up to see them. I NEED this space and said its just not a good time yet. I am trying to hold onto hope. Maybe he has fallen out of love with me, but if that is the case maybe just maybe we could get back. He is unhappy with his life right now, maybe with some help from Doctor and Counsellors he will feel better about himself and I can only hope and pray will miss me! However, we now have a long road ahead and I am just taking it one tiny step at a time. 

We never ever really had time to ourselves. We are always trying to help others. Always have taken people into our home to live when they needed. We never ever had a honeymoon or a trip alone! Oh how much I wanted one and wish we could!


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Well sounds like you guys got into that rut. That most married couples get when kids involved. Balancing time with you marriage isn't very east to do.. Peoples priorities get messed up.. They focus on their job the house the kids more then their spouse. Thinking they can press play and it will be fine. Problem is you can't. You have to WORK. If your husband won't work then you fight for it. Listen to him and what he's not happy with and make some changes to show you want him and this marriage. This stay the same if nobody does anything to improve it. What your going through is so common.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Oh dear it's rough when they don't let you in on their feelings until they feel it is time to go - but it's not that uncommon and hooray he getting counselling and help - these are very positive signs - many people don't even get that ! 
so early days yet - stay calm - (in a crisis do nothing) keep on living - give him space and try to focus on you - I know it's impossible at first - but try anyway - enjoy the kids and give your 4 year old some simple answers (don't let them guess)
make sure s/he knows where dad is and when they will see eachother - no need for upsetting details at this stage - you'll know what to do - you're a mum!


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

UPDATE!
So things are looking up. He opened up to me and we are back together and working on things! I have been so hurt I just hope I can get past the hurt. We are going to counselling.
Thanks everyone! and good luck!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

As quickly as things can change either way...you will have work to do. Keep the doors open to communication. Read some self help books (5 love languages by Gary Chapman) and continue counseling.

Please come back and give us an update periodically.


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## terbears (Oct 26, 2009)

This is so hard! 
So ya he came home, said he wanted to wrok on things, but is he? no!
I feel like I have been walking on egg shells, and I have had it. maybe time for the tables to turn, or maybe Ill push him further away I dunno.
I am so hurt and he wants to play like everything is ok!
Its NOT!


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