# Confused, depressed, unsure...



## amberfairystone (Jan 10, 2011)

I am in a marriage of ten years; we have two young boys and I suffer with some mental illness and depression. I have a history of being overbearing, jealous, demanding, quick to anger, etc.
I am getting help and taking meds and trying to improve and work on my marriage...my husband says he is working on it. At times I feel like he is, he brings roses and stuff and talks about our future.
Then at other times he will say he is only here for the boys, or that he is only telling me things are getting better and they really aren't.
I don't know what to believe most of the time.
Today he tells me he is becoming business partners with a friend who I can't stand and takes up so much of his time, I even tried to express to him that his friend is becoming a barrier between us...thing is he never even talked to me about it or consulted me and I think as a married couple a major decision like this should have been discussed and made between us. I mean when did him and his friend become a couple instead of us? That is when he said he doesn't even know if he is going to stay with me.
I don't know what to do and i am so confused about how to proceed...how do I fix something that he has decided can't be fixed. He is pretty much already gone in spirit if not body.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Don't make decisions while you're still depressed, and ask your husband if he can do the same, regarding your relationship. I, too, suffer from depression, and in fact, am going to the doctor this week to get back on meds for it. My boyfriend and I have had some major rough times this last year, I think in large part due to my depression. We have been adamant to work it out because we love each other and want our relationship to last. But even if we weren't sure, I'd ask him to hold off on a decision about us, and I would hold off as well, because when you are depressed, you don't think as clearly. And from his side, he's making a decision based on who you are right now while you're miserable, and that's not who you really are. 

Talk to your doctor to find out how long it should take before you begin to feel like yourself again once you start the meds. Once you get that time frame, add 3-6 months to it, and ask your husband to give things that long. So, if the doctor tells you, say 3 months from the day you start taking meds to when you should be your old self, ask your hubby to give you 6-9 months to get back to normal and see if you guys can be happy again then. Ask him to consider counseling, and to keep an open mind. Remind him things might even get worse before they get better, but you are getting help and trying to change things, and ask him to please give you that chance. 

As for the business and the friend...that's a bit harder to solve. That would be a good one for discussing with a counselor. A neutral third party who can help each of you really get to the root of things there so that you really express how you feel and what you think of it, so that you two can hopefully come to some kind of compromise. 

Good luck!


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## Blukitti (Jan 17, 2011)

Amber I really feel for you, I have had a similar experience. I have clinical depression and am on meds. When I was first diagnosed and started medication, my husband had a hard time understanding what I was going through. He also made some major business decisions with his father and brother in law which I was "informed" about, but not consulted on. Although I was furious at first, I came to understand that the reason for this was that he was trying to spare me some hardship by "handling" these things on his own. Wendy's advice is really great, I think you both need time to think things through. And although you need his support right now, you may also need some time apart from him and vise versa. I'm not talking about leaving him, just look for something that interests you, something you've always wanted to do (that doesn't involve your husband) and go for it. Also you need to seek outside help for your depression, aside from the medication. There are some great support groups on the internet for depression recovery. One I have used myself is depressionrecoverygroups.com. I did these two things and it really helped both my marriage and my depression. It will give you both a little breathing room to think and let your emotions calm down. Tell your husband what you are doing to help your self. I hope this helps you


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