# Complete sketchy behavior



## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

My husband and I married about 6 weeks before he deployed to Afghanistan last year. When he came home, we had some major trouble reconnecting. About two months ago I found a text in his phone with some random girl asking her to go to Columbia with him, telling her he was getting a divorce...when I confronted him, he immediately apologized, changed his phone number and gave me all his passwords. About two weeks ago, he went out of town for drill and when he came home he had a password on his phone again. He takes it everywhere, shower and all. I have found a couple of inappropriate emails to a mutual friend ( calling her baby, xo, offering to buy her a new cell phone charger etc). When confronted, he became extremely defensive and blew it off like it was nothing. This is making me crazy. How do I catch him cheating like I think he is?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

A quick way is to buy a VAR (people here recommend SONY) & hide it well in his car or someplace else he feels safe to talk on the phone. Velcro it in place. Wait for a week & then listen. Usually you'll have the evidence you need.

FWIW, from what you say, it definitely sounds like he's cheating.


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## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

Is there a way to get his phone records? He does a lot of texting and I would love to see who he's texting and what he's saying. I've looked into the iPhone spy stick but am unsure how I would get his phone long enough to download the information (or put spyware or something like that on it for that matter). This is making me completely crazy. I need to find out sooner rather than later.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You do not have access to his phone bill? Does it come in the mail? Have you searched to find out if he has a place where he keeps his financial papers, bills, etc?

The two of you have not merged finances?

Does he sleep? Where is the cell when he sleeps?


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## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

No we have separate cell phone accounts because we both had them prior to getting married and the contracts aren't up yet. He puts the phone beside the bed when he sleeps. I guess that's the only time I can do it. Just don't want to get caught...


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## lone and cautious (Jul 29, 2013)

My gut is telling me he's cheating pure and simple. You found this on his phone, 

"About two months ago I found a text in his phone with *some random girl asking her to go to Columbia with him, telling her he was getting a divorce...*"

You say he apologized? What was his apology or his reason for that? It better be a very good one if you let it slide after he said he was getting a divorce. Then you tell us he found this?

"a couple of inappropriate emails to a mutual friend ( *calling her baby, xo,* offering to buy her a new cell phone charger etc)." 

If that's not a sign of cheating, I don't know what is. He's doing this while you guys have barely been married, and he blows if off as if it's nothing? That alone is very disrespectful and shows a lot about his nature. If you want more proof, use VAR, use keyloggers, or hack his phone if you can. Also, checking phone records wouldn't hurt.

Also, try if you do find out if any woman he's being inappropriate or cheating with (hopefully that's not the case, but from what you've told us it doesn't look good ) find out if they are military as well. Cheating is against the UCMJ ( Military code/law ) and you can make a big stink with his command and get him or OW in trouble.


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## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

I forgave the first time because he seemed genuinely sorry and admitted guilt immediately. He did everything I asked of him to try and regain my trust. I had access to everything. This is different...I know the two girls I've spoken of aren't military. I just want to have physical proof so I can move on.


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## Lister (Jan 29, 2013)

armywife69 said:


> I forgave the first time because he seemed genuinely sorry and admitted guilt immediately. He did everything I asked of him to try and regain my trust. I had access to everything. This is different...I know the two girls I've spoken of aren't military. I just want to have physical proof so I can move on.


Armywife69, sorry to hear your story, it doesn't sound good I am afraid. I am a WS, which doesn't make me any expert but gives me a certain insight into the excuses, denials, and genuine remorse displayed by WSs. If he admitted what he did was there any discussion of why? If you don't address why he did what he did there will be no moving on and he is likely to repeat the deceit I'm afraid


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## Knobbers (Sep 25, 2013)

VAR or hiring a PI are your best bets I'm guessing, but there are people far more qualified here to help you.

I just dropped in to tell you, as a guy, I don't think you need physical proof to move on. My guess is he has been cheating on you more than you would want to know.

This doesn't seem like isolated incidents to me, it seems like someone who doesn't respect his wife or the vows he took with her. My guess is he'd sleep with most anyone he could, just because he could. A chronic or serial cheater, for lack of a better term.

Hope I'm wrong, best of luck to you ma'am.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Standard post. Reverse the sexes. Mostly we get cheating wives here.
Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or the aisle with the fasteners like screws.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR ELECTRONIC EVIDENCE. They were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" The dont use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I agree with all the above. The VAR is your best bet if there is somewhere he speaks on the phone privately. Not a cheap one either, $50 is what weightlifter suggests to spend on the Sony one. Key log the computer if he uses that. That way you can find out passwords and any secret email accounts. There are also ways to try and work out his password on the Phone. Try and work out which directions he is pressing in, or catch him over the shoulder, or ask him for a number or info from his phone while next to him and watch. 

Have you tried just asking and then demanding? His reply will give you all the confirmation you need of him cheating. If you need more proof than his refusals to show you his phone then just stay quiet, play the good wife, and put all spy things in place and wait. I doubt it would take too long if you can be careful and not raise his suspicions that you are suspicious and watching him.


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## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

Just makes me angry because I have given him every opportunity to end this marriage and he won't. I feel like its all about image to him. If people find out about this (it's a small town), he will look like the complete jerk that he is. I guess that's why I want to know once and for all. At least I won't feel like a crazy person for thinking these things...


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## armywife69 (Oct 3, 2013)

The teen safe option requires the apple ID and password. I don't have either of those things. I like the idea of not needing the actual phone but how do I get the necessary info?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

lone and cautious said:


> My gut is telling me he's cheating pure and simple. You found this on his phone,
> 
> "About two months ago I found a text in his phone with *some random girl asking her to go to Columbia with him, telling her he was getting a divorce...*"
> 
> ...


I have over 39 years in the military. I am assuming that your husband is enlisted and in the Guard or Reserves. If so, forget the UCMJ. In most cases forget the UCMJ for cheating on Active Duty if he is enlisted. Depending on the unit, the unit's command, fooling around will either be tolerated, encouraged or addressed but it will typically not be addressed too harshly if it is a private matter. 

VAR in the car will be the best bet. Cheaters love to talk in their cars.


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## lone and cautious (Jul 29, 2013)

armywife69 said:


> Just makes me angry because I have given him every opportunity to end this marriage and he won't. I feel like its all about image to him. If people find out about this (it's a small town), he will look like the complete jerk that he is. I guess that's why I want to know once and for all. At least I won't feel like a crazy person for thinking these things...


Thinking he's cheating without anything to suggest it would make you seem crazy as my ex-wife did this throughout our marriage. Unfortunately, you have found the following:

1. A text send by him telling a girl to go to a different country with him and he also said he was getting a divorce.
2. Emails with another woman of an inappropriate nature, ie XO's, etc.

He's also pushed it aside as if it's nothing and that should speak volumes. He said he was sorry the first time when you caught him, because he really meant it. you caught him a second time with these type of messages, now this time your just ruining his fun. It's just an annoyance to him at this point.

If you need more proof, then by all means keep looking, but I think you have enough here.


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