# Please I need advice



## Elisenowlin (Apr 14, 2013)

To make a long story short, I've been married for only a year in July. My husband has 2 kids from a previous and I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. We don't have any kids together. Before we got married, our relationship was... Well, very unhealthy. We love eachother but both have issues from past that should have been taken care of first. He has been unfaithful in the past and I had trust issues with him. When I found out about this I wanted to make him hurt as much as I did & knowing how much money means to him even though he makes VERY good money and never spends it I decided to withdrawal $2000 from the bank acct. yes, I realize now that's immature & I should have never done that. He doesn't trust me with money which I understand and I'm fine with. On the other hand, I don't work because daycare for MY son would take my whole check, especially now that we're , married & any help for child care I try to receive, they base it off of his income which is way above the limit of needing financial help. I have asked him a ton of times if we could put my son in preschool (having behavioral issues and needs socializing) 2 days a week but, he will only do a cheap in home "preschool". I personally feel I can teach my son other ways than going to that but, I would work if that was the case even though there are other kids here but in school all day. His kids wouldn't need after school child care cause they have moms that are able to pick up if I wasn't able to do it. I would have to also pay for my daughter to go to daycare after school inch I would be worming as a medical assistant. I have been put on an allowance every week of $70-100. That is for gas, cigarettes, I know disgusting & anything else I may need. For example milk or whatever. I drive a car that is leaking from the sunroof so, me & all the kids are leaked on when braking or turning, he drives a nice car, he goes out to eat all the time with "clients" and I scrounge up food that sounds halfway good cause he doesn't wanna spend money on "unnecessary" food items, basically the ones the kids like and I like. He says he will stay on top of putting money in my acct he opened for me but hasn't and I find myself scrounging for change in my purse if we need milk or an energy drink or anything else until he gives me more money for the week. I guess what I'm asking is, is it unfair of me to expect him to support me & my children when they aren't his? I treat his kids as my own. Whatever I do for mine, I do for his. His son is in a bunch of sports and I have to beg my mom for money to pay for her gymnastics which she LOVES, I feel things are very unfair and I am not sure if I'm supposed to look at this as its a normal family with the same mom same dad . He was aware of my situation when we got married. He tells me to get a job all the time but, I'm not gonna work to pay for. Y son to be raised by some other housewife that runs an income daycare to make money... I would rather spend the last 2 years of my sons toddler years before kindergarten . I hope all of this makes sense and I'm sure I left out multiple things. I'm trying not to talk about all of the other issues because I just want to know if me being jealous and upset his kids get more is fair? I REALLY NEED OPINIONS,, lol just please be nice... 


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Elisenowlin said:


> To make a long story short, I've been married for only a year in July. My husband has 2 kids from a previous and I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. We don't have any kids together. Before we got married, our relationship was... Well, very unhealthy. We love eachother but both have issues from past that should have been taken care of first. He has been unfaithful in the past and I had trust issues with him. When I found out about this I wanted to make him hurt as much as I did & knowing how much money means to him even though he makes VERY good money and never spends it I decided to withdrawal $2000 from the bank acct. yes, I realize now that's immature & I should have never done that. He doesn't trust me with money which I understand and I'm fine with. On the other hand, I don't work because daycare for MY son would take my whole check, especially now that we're , married & any help for child care I try to receive, they base it off of his income which is way above the limit of needing financial help. I have asked him a ton of times if we could put my son in preschool (having behavioral issues and needs socializing) 2 days a week but, he will only do a cheap in home "preschool". I personally feel I can teach my son other ways than going to that but, I would work if that was the case even though there are other kids here but in school all day. His kids wouldn't need after school child care cause they have moms that are able to pick up if I wasn't able to do it. I would have to also pay for my daughter to go to daycare after school inch I would be worming as a medical assistant. I have been put on an allowance every week of $70-100. That is for gas, cigarettes, I know disgusting & anything else I may need. For example milk or whatever. I drive a car that is leaking from the sunroof so, me & all the kids are leaked on when braking or turning, he drives a nice car, he goes out to eat all the time with "clients" and I scrounge up food that sounds halfway good cause he doesn't wanna spend money on "unnecessary" food items, basically the ones the kids like and I like. He says he will stay on top of putting money in my acct he opened for me but hasn't and I find myself scrounging for change in my purse if we need milk or an energy drink or anything else until he gives me more money for the week. I guess what I'm asking is, is it unfair of me to expect him to support me & my children when they aren't his? I treat his kids as my own. Whatever I do for mine, I do for his. His son is in a bunch of sports and I have to beg my mom for money to pay for her gymnastics which she LOVES, I feel things are very unfair and I am not sure if I'm supposed to look at this as its a normal family with the same mom same dad . He was aware of my situation when we got married. He tells me to get a job all the time but, I'm not gonna work to pay for. Y son to be raised by some other housewife that runs an income daycare to make money... I would rather spend the last 2 years of my sons toddler years before kindergarten . I hope all of this makes sense and I'm sure I left out multiple things. I'm trying not to talk about all of the other issues because I just want to know if me being jealous and upset his kids get more is fair? I REALLY NEED OPINIONS,, lol just please be nice...
> 
> 
> Sent from Elise's iPad using Tapatalk


I don't think it's his responsibility to take care of your children. It's the responsibility of the parents to take care of their children. I take it you aren't getting child support? If not, look into getting it. You shouldn't have taken (stolen) $2000 from his account. My suggestion is to get a job and/or go back to school so that you can establish a career. Then you will be able to take care of your children, and not have to beg anyone for money.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

You didn't think it through before you got married, you've got completely different spending habits, and he treats you like you're not married at all. 

You're not being realistic when you say "I'm not going to work and let someone else raise my kids".

Quit smoking, get a divorce, and get a job.

Not necessarily in that particular order.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

I thInk there is a serious issue here . Ur husband does not trust u or does not know what is love . There are few women who continue to work when they have little kids. It is a waste of time to work and spend all ur money to pay someone else to take care of ur kids. Most of my friends stop working bse they only took home $20.00 / month! Other money was gone on daycare. Ur man needs counseling , he is neglecting u. He should understand that ur his wife and not working is not ur choice. I hope get child support! Good luck.
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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

northland said:


> You didn't think it through before you got married, you've got completely different spending habits, and he treats you like you're not married at all.
> 
> You're not being realistic when you say "I'm not going to work and let someone else raise my kids".
> 
> ...


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## Elisenowlin (Apr 14, 2013)

Thank you all for your opinions!

as far as before we got married, I was going to school full-time and receiving student loans and grants because of my income level. We didnt talk about me working it was always okay with him because I was planning on being in school and he was aware of that. He begged me to marry him when I did. I kept saying no, knowing we weren't ready. I loved him. 

I haven't signed up for school because I am not eligible for financial aid anymore due to his income, another thing I should have thought about... 

I feel stuck. I always wanted to do something with my life and earn my own money and to be successful. I feel now My marriage is holding me back and I know that's not how it's supposed to be! I don't know how to change it or fix it. I don't want to look back and realize I needed to do something differently?

As far as a night job, I'm a medical assistant so, finding a night job is near impossible. He doesn't want me working as a waitress or bartender. What else is there? I'm not working at fast food and wasting my time when I could make more money doing something else just for him to feel secure...
[Reply]


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry you find yourself in this situation! Why dont you sit down and discuss this with you husband? I think you could do better without getting married. you could qualify for extra help and some college have daycare program. Also you could benefits for respite. If you are not happy, leave him!


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