# Trusted him more than My self - but he put me down



## merry (Aug 29, 2008)

*Please Help me , I am crying In Pain?!!!*

I meet my current husband 15 years ago. We both were in refuge in foreign country . After 3 month of dating, we found out that we were perfect for each other. For the last 15 years, we were family and best friend to one another. There was no one but us . Our life has been a complicated one. After 13 years struggling together we both finished our education and got work in different states. Separation was not an issue at the begging due to the money problem we had . We were exited to go where ever we have job. My husband has a childhood issue and communication problem . So I could not just leave my job and move with him because we were not sure that he could keep his job there. He could not came to me because he loves his job and we also need the money to pay our loan ,also he can not get a job were I am so .. We sate down last year and decided to get married for our family and spent more than 50,000 on our wedding . We got married last year infront of people eventhough we were together for 14 years ! and this year I have a baby girl. However I was very sick the whole pregnancy due to hormonal issue and was in the hospital till I have a pre-mature c-section baby . My husband used to come and take care of me sometimes but he helped financially so we both agree he can came only about once or twice in a month to save some money. 
But in the mean time he started smocking and I told him I will divorce him if can not quit smocking (but deep down I know how can I live with out him.. he is the only family and friend I have ..no body else). Then he started drinking.. Well... 
We talk each other on the phone all day long but Saturdays and Friday night he started to disappear . After I got our baby I try to recover and went to his place and stayed with him for 6 weeks so that he can be bonded with his baby.. But he was so much changed. He never treated me the way he used to and I suspected he still drinks. I found a lots of girl stuff in his home and he told me that all of it is came from the ex-resident of the apartment. There was a woman washing cloth in his bath and he told me it was the ex-resident stuff sent by mail to him but he is using it because it is so soft....... ,. So I believed him and I started to use it - washing in her wash cloth .....(Is there anything I could not trust?). We both have access to our voicemail and e-mail . Sometimes when he does not answer his phone I access his voice mail and I listen to women saying calling him honey and all the sweat stuff …But I trust him so much that I thought that was me …I was so stupid and blind for love and told him that I do not even know when I left a message but I had a different accent .. specially when I was pregant, I always thought I was so sick my accent was changed and I do not even remember leaving a message . 
But....but ..
Last week our baby was sick and I was alone, I had to call him at 3: 00am and he was not answering his phone so I listen to his voice mail and found out not only he has been cheating on me in one women but with many. 
I called and talked to 3 women and they all told me they were sleeping with him.. 
Now .. 
1.He admits he cheated on me but he never stop loving me . It was just sex ...He was not getting it from me ..that was the reason.
I trusted more than I trust my owm ears . I loved him more than I love my self .. 
This is some thing I never ever never imagine it could happen..!!!!! He was my best friend. 
We still live long distance but he promised me he will never do that but How can I trust him ?!!!.. Is this some thing it can repair?
All the women-his dates- I talked to told me in detail how he made love to them.. Pain!!!!!!It was very compassionate and they all are totally in love with him !!!!!!!!.. They want him back .!!!!!!!!. 
It is a nightmare I do not know what to do . I have 4 month baby from my 15 years marriage and this happened to me . Please help what should I do.. If did not have the baby I probably commit suicide.!!!!!. What should I do now ..	I already gave blood for HIV Test . I think that is the first thing to do..I am sorry for my poor writing , I am still crying in pain ..can not even see what I am writing .. I wish i can wake up and it all would be a nightmare /...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

wow im so sorry for you. you definitely cannot trust him. its going to be a painful road but with you two living separately there is no way to heal from this, in my opinion of course. If it is money you are worried about there are programs in the states that will help you with your baby. my sister is now a single mom raising her infant and is on state programs to get her a job and pay for everything she needs- food, housing, medical, etc. im so sorry for you.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ljtseng said:


> wow im so sorry for you. you definitely cannot trust him. its going to be a painful road but with you two living separately there is no way to heal from this, in my opinion of course. If it is money you are worried about there are programs in the states that will help you with your baby. my sister is now a single mom raising her infant and is on state programs to get her a job and pay for everything she needs- food, housing, medical, etc. im so sorry for you.


:iagree: seek help.

draconis


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## kolapopoola (Jun 27, 2008)

This is a serious issues. I think whole problems started from where two of you have agreed to live apart because of your jobs. Since you believe that he still loves you, the best thing is to be living together so that there won't be loneliness especially in his own part. And the vaccum that was created can be filled up. At least he will have some fear or respect you. Please don't quit yet. Good luck. marriagecommonlaw.net:


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## robin (Aug 24, 2008)

I am sorry to hear all this. These are serious issues. It's important to see help and support. Even attending a support group can help you through this difficult and make connections with women who are going through the same type of thing. You deserve much better. It's hard walking away. You have to go through the painful feelings before moving on that is part of the process. However when you do you will have a better life for yourself and your children. Be strong. He is not the only fish in the sea. Even though it may seem like it at the time. Get counseling, read self help books and join a support group. I hope this helps. The only way to stay with him is if he is really willing to get help. 

Best Wishes,

Robin
Life's Little How To Book


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hugs and prayers for you Merry! I just hate to see another person having to face this. I'm so sorry!

Some of the other forum members have given you some excelent advice. The advice you take will depend on whether you wish to save the marriage or get a divorce. That's something you will have to decide. Either way, take care of YOU and be strong.


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