# When you feel like an incompetent failure



## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Hey Everyone,

I must admit that I took a huge blow to my confidence today.

Recently, I've been dealing with a failed marriage, thinking of all the things I could've or should've done to prevent my situation. I feel it's a combination of me not being mature and responsible as I should have been.

However, I will admit, my wife is really picky about things too.

But yea, we're going through Divorce/Separation, so thinking about what I did wrong and what I failed at has already got me feeling down in the dumps.

And then this happens.

I go to my job..a call center. My boss asks me to do a simple task that a friggin' 4 yr old kid could do, which is cutting out small stars and planets from a printed sheet of paper. I'm guessing these are decorations for some new team project/competition. 
He tells me that I don't need to cut to the exact shape, I can leave some white around the edges, he tells me they're laminating some rocket ships, and lastly he says to cut out smooth, rounded corners and leave no jagged edges. The first time, I didn't hear the part about rounded corners, so I just cut them all in a haph-hazard way, leaving some white around the edges, but not making it smooth/rounded.
I give them to him and he reminds me of his instructions and says "Didn't you hear me say to leave rounded edges?" I say, "yeah, sorry--I guess I need to practice active listening"
I do it again, bring it back and there are still some mistakes.
He looks really disappointed and says "C'mon, JBH, you should be to able to do this"
Finally, after my third attempt he says, "Ok, these will suffice.

After that, I felt really stupid. I gotta admit--I had flashbacks to other times when he compared my execution of something to that of a "Four yr old" as well my wife saying I was like a "7 year old kid".

I thought of times when I couldn't light a propane grill with a lighter wand....should be the simplest of tasks, but I FAILED!

It's messing with my head right now. I think I need to go back to therapy.


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## MommaGx3 (Jan 12, 2016)

DOH. Yes. You need some help with your coping and your confidence. First of all, it's a tedious task with micromanaged instructions. I always have a tad of an issue with that. My husband is such a perfectionist, we'll be working on a project at home and he'll start telling me my lines aren't straight enough and hovering. So, now, he draws lines and I cut the lines, lol. I really can't comment on your task and your execution of the task. But, you are bothered and it's affecting you. As my therapist would say, "your cup is full to overflowing and the littlest drop, no matter the source is going to cause a spill". 

I'll send you a virtual hug for support. Good luck.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

JukeboxHero said:


> Hey Everyone,
> 
> I must admit that I took a huge blow to my confidence today.
> 
> ...


As in David Richo's book _When the Past Is Present_, you are experiencing _transferrences_, which play out a negative moment from the past based upon a present moment of similar circumstances.

All of your perceived failures and negative emotions are an alarm. They are indicating that you should reflect upon yourself, built emotional intelligence and learn from the mistakes. You will be a better person having made the mistake and learned from it than never having made the mistake at all. :wink2:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Don't be too hard on yourself Juke. Ask yourself, why in the world is your boss having you do such a silly task anyway? Most adults don't normally do things at work like "cut out stars"... So your scissors-skills are a bit rusty, but I seriously doubt it's in your job description.


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## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

I mean, I probably couldn't do that either. I'm still scarred from a substitute teacher I had in 1st grade making fun of me for not being to color in between the lines on a project, haha... I seriously doubt I could cut out stars at this point. .. Seriously...


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Life is always going to be chuck full of failures...but luckily -it's going to throw some successes your way too. When they come in groups, either way, we tend to create expectation of their continuation...we covet the success or we covet the failures -it's just our nature, I guess. 

The reality is different, everyday is another chance to turn it all around. When it begins to turn -your whole perspective changes as well. 
Change is hard on us, IMO, because we always have this perceived future -based on everyday we have had from birth up to right now...but a perceived or expected future is a lie and a trap. 

Man is Born Free and all around us is in chains.....Change your Life. 

PS...you didn't fail at cutting out stars...you discovered 3 ways that your boss doesn't like stars cut out


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Eh. How important are these things anyway? 

I'd make jokes out of them:

"You know, I flunked construction paper and paste in kindergarten."

"What kind of person has a grill without a push button igniter? It's asking for trouble."

"The most common cause of singed eyebrows is lighting a grill with a lighter wand."


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Eh. How important are these things anyway?
> 
> I'd make jokes out of them:
> 
> ...


anything with a wand...


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I think we all go through it to some degree.

day before yesterday, I cuaght a mistake I made and beat myself up over it for a couple days.

I think back too when I was out of work for a long time during the great recession.
Makes you question everything about yourself.

there have been a few times in my life when NOTHING was going right.
you're going through that right now.

thing is, things turn for the better eventually in ways you could never imagine.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I can't cut things out, it all comes out like crap. I can't wrap gifts or draw. Kindergarteners are better than me, really and truly. And I'm really smart. Don't let this get you down.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> PS...you didn't fail at cutting out stars...you discovered 3 ways that your boss doesn't like stars cut out


Love it! :lol: :rofl:


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Don't be too hard on yourself Juke. Ask yourself, why in the world is your boss having you do such a silly task anyway? Most adults don't normally do things at work like "cut out stars"... So your scissors-skills are a bit rusty, but I seriously doubt it's in your job description.


Thank you, @happy as a clam

Yes, it was weird. I'm usually the one who does artistic stuff, such as drawing on the whiteboard for some announcement or competition. He asked me if I wanted to do some "arts and crafts" and it's always nice to take a break from non-stop, back-to-back phone calls of people asking for a " just a quote"

I guess cutting things with scissors is not my forte--won't be getting a gold star for this assignment. :laugh:



VermisciousKnid said:


> Eh. How important are these things anyway?
> 
> I'd make jokes out of them:
> 
> ...


Lol, thanks for the jokes, Jorgegene

Funny thing about the grill. It was an old grill we acquired from my Grandpa after he was moved into a nursing home. The auto-igniter was broken and I sometimes had difficulties starting it using the lighter wand, then my wife would come out, adjust the knob and it worked fine for her. I also signed some arm hairs and eyebrows once. Those were good times!

I am feeling better now guys, I really appreciate the support that everyone is providing here.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> Hey Everyone,
> 
> I must admit that I took a huge blow to my confidence today.
> 
> ...


We are not born with knowledge, we must learn everything.
You could not light a propane grill, so what? There is a first time for everything. Marriage is NOT easy. In fact, long term success in marriage is probably one of the most difficult things in life to achieve. You only need look at the divorce rate to figure that one out.

Try to think of this point as your low. The only direction after today is UP and only UP. Think of this moment as the first day of the rest of your life. Tomorrow you will be a better and more knowledgeable person than you were today.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Once when I was very young I was in a Sunday school class at a new church. We were given those little perforated papers shaped like bible characters. The teacher came over to me and handed me mine and asked me to please punch out the character.

So I punched Jesus.

We didn't go back to that church.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think you ought to have slapped your boss' head and said, in Bruce Lee style, 'Don't concentrate on the rounded edges, or you will miss all the heavenly glory.' 

Like a finger pointing to the moon


Maybe it's time to start asserting yourself while also shrugging off such things. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have the tolerance to be told how to cut something out. Nip that crap in the bud if you can.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'll share that I held a cooking session. Me. Of all people. I parked the childhood issues around my attempts at cooking and rolled with it. It was the most simple recipe you could imagine; basically mixing and refrigerating. Know what happened? It turned into a sticky, inedible bowl of pink mess. Even with a professional chef nearby giving us tips (and laughing every so often) I have no idea how the recipe went so badly. Know what else happened? Myself and the group were in stitches laughing about it. So we didn't get to eat what we thought we were making but we had one helluva laugh. In the end, the continuous laughter proved far more valuable than a finished, edible result. Some things deserve to be shrugged off and laughed about.


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