# My husband's drinking problem



## internationalgal

My husband has an alcohol problem. I don't know what to do about it. He drinks every day and drinks a lot. 
When I first met him, we liked to party, and drinking was something we did. But then years passed and we had 2 children (we have 3 total, one from a different relationship) and times changed. 
My husband drinks every night, and not a little. As an example, two nights ago he drank 5 tall 8.8% beers, and a medium size bottle of vodka. Then last night he drank a bottle of champagne. He will drink whatever is in the house. There is no alcohol laying around, because he drinks it. If I open a bottle of wine, he will usually drink it until it is finished.

I was pregnant all last year, and was not drinking at all. I hoped this would slow him down, but it didn't. He will drink alone here at home, every night. When I talk to him about it, he says he drinks because of me, because I lead him to it. That it is my fault, because we fight etc. 

He does not think there is any danger to driving after he has had a few beers with the children in the car. In fact, he used to always stop on his way back from work and get a beer, then drive with the kids in the car home. I told him I strictly forbade that (which leads him to say I control him) , but he still does it. A recent example, we had to drive home from the mountains and he knew it. He drank about 5 beer (over 4 hours), and had a mixed drink before getting in the car. I couldn't drive that day, and he knew he had to. We had the kids with us. Halfway through the drive home, he pulled over, took a drink out of the trunk, and then continued driving. What should I have done? We had to drive home that evening, and I couldn't drive. I was stuck.

I worry about him. I worry about him drinking himself to death and leaving his children without a father. But I know that I can't make him quit, he has to want it. And he doesn't. I don't think he even sees that there is a problem. He hasn't had any problems at work, or with the law as a result of his drinking, the only problems are at home. He blames those on me. So he has no incentive to quit.

I have thought about calling the police to report when he drinks and drives, but haven't done so. Because I do care about him.

i have taken to secretly watering down his drinks so that he doesn't consume as much. But I hate being his alcohol police.

What can I do? I plan on going to Al-anon meetings, maybe that will help. What else can I do? Advice please.


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## CallaLily

The only thing I really know to tell you is, go to alanon meetings, get info on alcoholism and living with an alcoholic. Maybe some books on codependency. Seek out a counselor who might could lend you guidance and support, and try to be around people or friends and family who are supportive. You can't help him, but you can help yourself.


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## Freak On a Leash

internationalgal said:


> My husband has an alcohol problem. I don't know what to do about it.


I do. Protect yourself and your kids and tell him to get the hell out. Go to Al-anon and prepare yourself for the worst. 

Read my many posts about the hell I've gone though in the last 2+ years with my alcoholic husband. Doesn't sound like your husband wants to stop at all and you can only control yourself, not him. 

Honestly, don't waste time on him because he doesn't even care about himself, never mind you or your children.


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## Hope1964

Like any addict, he will have to hit rock bottom before he'll do anything about it.

That means that you will most likely have to kick him out, or move out, and start reporting him to the police when he drinks and drives, before he kills someone, like your kids. Or someone else's kids.

Get yourself into Alanon and also some counseling for spouses of addicts. Often, spouses of addicts are codependants, which means you actually enable the addicts behaviour, which you ARE doing by allowing him to drive drunk and not reporting him.


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## Ostera

Let me share my story..it may help you make a decision.

My wife and I started out great but in just 3 years had issues coming from every direction with her emotional issus (I have a couple of threads on it).

Anyway, I started drinking pretty heavy (Not anywhere close to Freak on a Leash's husband), but it was daily.

I did this to numb the pain of a relationship that was spinning out of control.. The more she withdrew emotionally and physically, the more i drank to not think about it.

We fought constantly.. I drank eveyday afterwork and wouldn't come home until bed time.. which is only around 8:30 for me.

Anyway, my wife left me almost 4 months ago... 

HUGE wakeup call for me... I am now not drinking daily.. I only did this for a couple of years so I am not so far gone as to need detox.

I used to just drink on weekends with her.

If leaving him doesn't wake him up i am sad to say he's going to fall of the cliff.

This is just one aspect of my issue...but I does relate to your issue


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## barbados

He is clearly an alcoholic and needs treatment. You must insist he get help ASAP or be prepared to leave him immediately. You are only enabling him by staying. 

And if you now when he is drinking and driving, you should call the police on him. What if he killed someone and you knew he was drunk driving ? Think of the guilt YOU would have to live with.

The whole him blaming you thing is just addict speak. They will say anything and blame anyone they can to keep their addiction going. Please seek out treatment for him. Good Luck.


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## Ignis

Alcohol is a problem and you have to do something about it. Not because of your husband and his drinking problem (this is what he will have to cope with), but because of your safety and safety of your children.

Now, addiction is something you can not control. You have to understand it. Your husband has a very good reason why he drinks - even though it is not obvious at the first glance.

Stronger his inner conflicts are, more alcohol he needs in order to flush his inner pain away. What you have to do is to tell him what you think and to really confront him with the possibility that you will go away.


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## brightlight

1. Your husband is an alcoholic

2. As an addict he is passing his responsibility for his own actions on to someone else. This makes it easier for him to justify his failures.

3. Drink driving with the kids in the car! You shouldn't let that go unpunished. Drink driving is bad enough but when he has directly endangered your kids, well...can you, should you forgive him?

He needs a wake up call. Better that come from you than from him killing someone.


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## Ignis

brightlight said:


> 1. Your husband is an alcoholic
> 
> 2. As an addict he is passing his responsibility for his own actions on to someone else. This makes it easier for him to justify his failures.
> 
> 3. Drink driving with the kids in the car! You shouldn't let that go unpunished. Drink driving is bad enough but when he has directly endangered your kids, well...can you, should you forgive him?
> 
> He needs a wake up call. Better that come from you than from him killing someone.


Bravo! I like your answer - totally agree. Wake up call is needed. realize that you can not control his behavior, so don't even try it. being wife doesn't mean you have to carry your husband through the life. He will have to make it by himself!

Read this article here: Living with an alcoholic

Take care!


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