# I'm sick of the pot.



## Chuckp47

Hi everyone, new here and I need some anonymous advice. My wife and I have been married 15 years, we have a 14 year old son together. Throughout that time she has used marijuana. It began as a social thing, maybe a joint on the weekend. Now 15 years later it has increased to multiple joints a day, meetings with dealers at least twice a week and I now think she is also selling (these last 2 I learned from reading her texts as I honestly thought she was cheating on me). She shows basic "pothead" behavior, paranoia, antisocial, ect.. She is not allowed to bring it in the house but leaves multiple times per night to smoke. She is self medicating herself for depression and bipolar disorder but also continues to take her prescription meds. She works but not at a job that she could be as she would then have to take a drug test. I gave her an ultimatum in August that she needed to stop and we needed to work on things in our marriage as I could not imagine living the next 4 years like this. She blew it off, began arguing with me, once again effectively baiting and switching away from the pot talk. Our sex life is in a shambles, no intimacy, sex every 2-4 months. It's been 4 months as of now. Basically I'm unhappy and lonely.

The straw that broke the camel's back is my son and I recently went on a camping trip. When we returned he was in our bathroom and found a roach. He asked her about it and she tried to blame it on me! I haven't done that crap, well, since I became a grown up! He told her he knew about it and he had found them before and despite what she thought he wasn't stupid and he wasn't a little kid. He talked to me about it the next day. He has lost all respect for his mother and has had several outbursts toward her since. I told him that she was his mother, that he still had to love her even if he didn't like what she does. What else could I say? 

I have met with a lawyer. I can't see myself in an empty nest living with a pothead! The exuberant woman I married has been gone a long time. The lawyer told me to just keep my plans to myself until she is served the papers. I can't help but want to tell her, give her one last chance to stop even though I know what her answer will be. My son keeps talking about moving away from her, I have not talked to him about talking to the lawyer but when I file I will ask for full custody. I am the one that has always taken care of him hope to keep doing that. I'm not going to hold the pot over her head but in the world I live in the courts frown on illegal drugs. 

Anyone have advice/experience I can learn from? But if you are from the "pots cool" church please keep your preaching to yourself. I have seen what heavy use can do and it isn't pretty. Thank you all.
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## that_girl

I am in your boat. Not with my husband, but about pot in general.

I'd have to leave too..


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

The lawyer is right! Keep the papers to yourself until she is served. She has a serious illegal problem. You are being codependent and this/she is NOT a good example for your son. If you love your wife, maybe a separation would wake her up enough to quit. 

I personally would of never allowed it in the beginning. This would of been a deal breaker for me. My ex h smoked pot and is also bipolar. He was also unfaithful and abusive towards me. He's gotten much angerier over the years. Good luck!
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## desert-rose

Do not let him know until you serve him the papers. 

You're in danger of character assassination and she will throw you under the bus to protect her "reputation" and whatever safeguards allow her to keep up this behavior. Don't be an enabler. Draw the line and stand firm.

With drug addiction of any kind, you really have to be firm!


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## Chuckp47

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## Chuckp47

Just an update. That went well... I told my wife today that I wanted to go somewhere and talk tonight. She took it upon herself to confront our son and find out why he had been acting strange around her. He told her. She made all kinds of excuses and told him he had to accept her the way she was! He told he she was out of luck. Then apparently it downgraded into her telling him that I was turning him against her and she was going to get an apartment and he and I could live together (what he and I both want...). When they got done talking she went out and went shopping which means she rode around and smoked up. 

When I got home he told me all this so I called her. I asked her for the last time to stop what she was doing. She said she would if we stopped all of our hobbies! Like doing drugs compares to our hobbies. Oh, and the dog, I had to get rid of my dog too... because my dog effects her quality of life. To her this is all just some excuse of mine in order to be able to get rid of her. Amazing how the mind works. 
Needless to say I'm going to see the lawyer tomorrow. Thank you all for listening.
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## NormalPlease

If it gives you any perspective, I too have dealt with this & am still fighting the battle while separated. I can luckily say I caught the problem before kids. My H has used since before I knew him
I never did try the stuff so got constant push-back about my perception of pot being a 'real drug'. He'd tried to quit off and on at my request, but never followed through. After his interest in starting a family, I cracked down on the pot situation. He was then on a timeline to quit. I can say all hell broke loose when time began to run out. 3 Visits with MC revealed potential bipolar, which resulted in both his denial and what I would call a breakdown. I saw a side of my H that, during 7 years marriage, was hidden. The current status is he's heavily drinking (which is a new issue), living away from home, in denial. He acknowledges he's got problems that are destroying marriage, but he won't fix them. He's highly functional at work, so he uses that to downplay the seriousness. Just know cracking down on the use might reveal the real issues behind the use. One thing i know you will be able to smile about is pot will be out of your life. I've been relieved to not find random lighters and clear eyes in random hiding places.


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