# Feeling hollow inside



## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

Heres my story.
My W had an affair with a MM..

The dust has started to settle again and I truely believe my W is over him and is committed to me again, however I have a very hollow feeling inside, I just feel dead, I really want my marriage to work but cant help feel that I may be staying because im too scared to leave, I just dont know.

I have spoken to no-one other than my W about it all as im not that sort of person, im currently looking for some IC.

I do love my wife but at the moment when I look at her I feel anger, pain, hurt and some other stuff I cant even describe. I cant sit or be by myself without thinking about it, I get up early every morning as I feel I cant lie next to her.

When im alone I think more clearly and want to reach out to her but when im with her I just cant.

My W has changing a lot since this , and for the better as far as I can see, before she was acting like a rebelious teenager, now shes grown up at lot. We had a great history together, travelled the world and had great fun, we where the best of friends and I think domesticity took its toll on us, more her than me, and the A made her feel alive again.

We have 2 small children who I love so much in the mix, I believe if there where not here I would have left on d-day, probably would have come back, but definietly left.

I would really like any advice and opinion on how this may go for me in the future, I know I need to get into IC.


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## CantThinkOfAJUserName (Apr 11, 2008)

Only you can decide what the outcome of your marriage will be but please remember that no matter what happens, the two of you will be forever joined by your children. For this reason you should be mindful that if you allow the anger and bitterness to grow in your heart, they will destroy your life and that of your children's. Forgiveness is for your benefit not your wife's.


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## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

CantThinkOfAJUserName said:


> Forgiveness is for your benefit


Thats one of my favourite sayings. 

I have made the decision to stay but I just want to stop feeling so empty, it so exhausting just having it run around in your head all the time.
I believe if we split it would be amicable, we are both very good like that, not angry or bitter people. I can even understand why she did it, I just hope that time (and a good counsellor) will heal this. As I mentioned I havent really spoken to anyone about this and I think I need to do more of that, but dont really have anyone I can trust like that as I feel unloading this onto a friend just changes everything in a friendship.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Why feel empty, the thing is only you can see any good or bad in all of this. If you love your wife and family then take time to heal. Go to the gym, start doing more family things together. The point is if you want that happy family life you can have it from what you are saying. She chose you over him and is willing to distance herself from him.

If you can't get over this or the feeling of hurt then the marriage is doomed no matter how great your wife can become. Forgiveness doesn't come easy for her, nor should it. She broke your trust and has to regain it, however it sounds like she is really trying to do so.

draconis


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## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree and thats what worries me, I just dont and wont drag it on for years and years, im very hopefull it will be OK, but the empty feeling always comes back, im also weary of trying too hard as that can put too much expectation on the situation.

On the plus side, I have lost about 12lbs in weight due to the stress and as a competitve cyclist has been great.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

When I got divorced from my first wife I lost a ton of weight 180 to 135 pounds and started to become to sick. I think it is normal.

In the end you have to decide what you want. She seems to have made a clear choice so you can have anything you want.

I am on the forums every day and if nothing else it is a good place to vent and sort feelings.

Have you thought about how much time you are willing to give this or what you need from her?

draconis


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## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

I havent as such put a deadline on this. Im just worried that this will drag on for years, how do you know its over?.
My gut feeling is its not, I just dont know if I can ever get over my W having been with someone else and playing me for a fool really. I have lost my self-respect in a way , I should have kicked her out as soon as I found out, but that wasnt what I wanted so I paid for that by losing my self-respect, which I really want back.
I find it really hard to be around people who "know" about it all, the OM's wife pretty much spread it around our circle of friends, so everyone took sides , pretty much with them as we hadnt lived in this area them for as long, I still have my friends but havent spoken to them as I feel so ashamed, and the only reason I think that is is because I think they will wonder why I stayed with her.

I really hope to look back on this in a years time and feel a whole lot different.
Just posting this yesterday made me feel a whole lot better which shows I do need to find someone to confide in.

Thanks for replying.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

FOr me I had lost my trust in her, and I wanted to cheat on her back. I knew that I would hold mistakes against her and that we'd both be unhappy and I didn't want to be one of those couples who just stayed together for the baby. Because I didn't want to cheat deep down and knew it would change me as a person, and because how I viewed her would never be fix because of the life we gotten ourselves into. I didn't want to worry nor was it fair to not be able to give her a second chance. We both had a second chance due to the divorce.

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi weetbix...mmmm weetabix...love that cereal...can get it in the states now 

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My husband had an emotional affair almost a year ago and I can relate to how you are feeling. I have to say it was horrible early on but as time goes on it has gotten a lot better. I did seek counsel on my own and it did help me sort out my thoughts. 

In order to gain some sense of self-respect back, I talked to my husband about what I was feeling and what he could do to help the situation. Since he still works with the OW and broke things off literally the day before I found out on my own, he also sent the 'i wish we could be together but working on my marriage is the right thing to do'...I basically told him if that was the case then to go find his happiness...this was about a week later...at that point (after we had several serious heart to heart talks) he said he realized how much he loved me and had no desires to leave or be with her (which I was very skeptical to believe at that point) but he emailed her and recanted his previous letter, telling her he made a big mistake starting anything with her and that he could no longer continue a 'just friends' relationship out of respect for me and our marriage since he had crossed that line with her (they still work for the same company). 

He also told me he would spend the rest of his life regaining my trust and showing me how much he loves me. He truly feels remorseful and just yesterday came to tears thinking about how he hurt me and how I must have felt. He now tells me every day how happy he is and how lucky he is that he is married to me. 

Probably what made moving forward bearable for me (or had the most impact) was really just figuring out how we got to the point we were at. We both respect each other, don't argue or nag, always say 'I love you'...list goes on so it was devastating to me because I didn't see this horrible marriage or reason for him to stray. I needed to understand it so I had some sense of security that it wouldn't happen again. For us, it was mainly talking to each other when things bother us (we are both very private people) and it really has made our marriage closer and better than I could have imagined. Figuring out that we did have voids that we could fill somehow made it feel less out of my control. I basically for my own sanity needed to tell him that if he ever got to that point again, to respect me enough to talk to me before he did anything and we would go from there. I would do the same. 

I have forgiven him. I know he is a good man but he is human and made a horrible mistake. Don't feel like a doormat for trying to work it out. You are only a doormat if you let it go on and ignore it, so look closely at YOUR needs now and make sure your wife knows what they are and you make sure they are being met.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Weetbix

I feel your pain to some extent. To have your wife do something like this must be devastating. And in your own house while you were there to boot. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are the strong one here who made the tough decision to stick it out and work on the marriage. Your wife is the lucky one. Your friends should admire you for what you are willing to do for your family. Many men would not show your strength of character. I can’t tell you how much time this will take but be prepared. Not setting deadlines or benchmarks is the proper approach at this time. Emotions such as trust, love and faith don’t work on arbitrary time frames. It sounds as if your wife has made progress in her understanding of what happened and is dealing with the remorse now. Give her and yourself time and don’t be overly concerned if it takes a lot of it. I’m am coming up on one year since I found out about her EA and at times it has been difficult but we’ve had a lot of good times also. Things will get easier with time and you can distance yourselves from the events that took place. In addition to working on your marriage, be sure to spend plenty of time with the kids as a couple. Time as a family can do wonders in helping people through this. Good luck.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree: well put, amp.


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## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

I have up days and down days, i dont want to "try" to hard as it puts pressure on the relationship I think, but we do communicate well.
As my W and him never "broke up" in the traditional sense, rather they were caught I always suspect that they will harbour feelings for each other, she says she doesnt but is also not angry with him. I suspect if I said its ok if you want to go and see him, she would.
It has only been 4 months really since it came out fully, should she be "over" him?.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think being over him depends on her and would vary from person to person. From your original post, it sounds as though she has changed a lot, moved away from him, matured in the relationship and is now committed to you which are all indications that her mind is in the right place. She may have gotten a wake-up call when she got caught and realized what she really wanted. It's unfortunate that she broke your vows in the process. I really think you need to focus on what will make you feel better. If you understand why this happened, do you have some level of comfort that you are both addressing those issues so you don't fear it will happen again?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

There is no telling how long this will take. My wife admittedly still has strong feelings for him and the no contact has been in place for 5 months now. For her to fully reconnect with you she will need to let go of her feelings for him. You will need to, as I do, patiently wait for her to unfog. I believe you are right in not applying pressure about the marriage. That’s a mistake I see from spouses on a regular basis. Slowly rebuild your trust in her. Continue to communicate, laugh and spend time with the kids as a couple. If things don’t improve at some point seek counsel for both of you. There could certainly be some deeper issues here for you both. Keep your faith, love and patience and you have a good chance to recover. I hope your wife appreciates all of your efforts and comes to see what a strong man she is married to. Best of luck.


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## weetbix (Apr 27, 2008)

Its so tiring thinking about this 20 hours a day almost solidly I need a break from my thoughts.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

weetbix said:


> Its so tiring thinking about this 20 hours a day almost solidly I need a break from my thoughts.


I've been there before, I know it is hard and getting past it is different for everyone. I pray for you.

draconis


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

New here and here is my story. I too feel very empty and hollow inside. I have depression, anxiety and bi-polar so they say. I have been taking Wellbutrin (bupropion) for several months now and have never felt worse from the side effects of any other meds I have taken This one has made fell suicidal and the thought of my W having affairs on 2 occasions in the past has been haunting me to the point of not being able to accept those feelings and to the point of suicide. I did not see her or caught her having those affairs but have good reason to believe she has. Confronted her many times both in anger and in calm but will not admit it to me. Soon after one incident she suddenly told me she was pregnant and wanted a abortion just like that. Insisted to have the abortion and claimed she did not want another baby so soon..I did not and will not ever believe that!! The M I caught at my appt when I left work early unexpectantly ad he was in my house!! What was he doing there without me being there???. Made all kinds of excuses!!! Back in the late 70's abortions were not very everyday type things. It was a boy too!!!. But rather that find out it was not mine, I let her do it. I feel ashamed I let her do that now and regret it. Another time a so called friend from work started acting suspicious and was also on drugs screwing any woman he could lay his hands on. I feel he had my W too. I cannot live too much longer like this. The ugly thoughts just keep running thru my head all day long for a long period of time now and donot feel I can live any longer like this. They say to me I have to live for my children and grand children too. One hotline nurse told me everybody makes mistakes...and I have to live with it. That is a hard thing to do for me. I am at the end of my own rope...can someone help me out here because I feel I just might make a mistake over my feelings.
Help me
Manny


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

hi, im new to this, needing some comfort myself. ppl can fire as much advise as they like but we only have ourselves to nurture . my husband had a one night stand several weeks ago. i have two children and dont know where to turn. A bit like you. but either way, life is still for living - dont take that away from your children or from yourself.as for the medication - i only take what i need to take. and if the effects of your medication far out reach the benefits then go back to your doctor to review them. 
your feeling empty because life has once again thrown a spanner in the works. i have looked at a few of these threads and they are good to read. makes you feel that you are normal, even when empty. one thing i do say is trust your instincts, they usually are right. but like a few threads suggest its what you want to do in the end. it is very difficult. but in my relationship for now, my husband wants us back together - but its me that needs some time. im out with friends and smiling again. im not sure if i love my husband n e more. but you can rebuild that to. it just takes time. justean


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Justean...I know you mean well in your sharing the situation you r in right now and that it is better to live and not hurt my family over my feelings but when you say you might not even love your H that is exactly my problem. I am afraid that my W might not love me anymore and I feel I cannot go on without her. How easy you make it sound . I cannot understand how a woman can just turn off the love and time , love, family, the meaning of being married etc. so easy. I always hear women say that and men on the other and go down the drain when there is a breakup!. Why do men fall apart and women just move on???. Please make me understand or let me in on a womans secret to life please. Would a woman feel the same if the W had an affair ???. I mean would you say oh well I don't love him anymore so I go out and have more fun without him???.
Come on tell me the secrete I have been missing all my life with women.:scratchhead:
Manny


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

izz4u2mm said:


> I cannot understand how a woman can just turn off the love and time , love, family, the meaning of being married etc. so easy. I always hear women say that and men on the other and go down the drain when there is a breakup!. Why do men fall apart and women just move on???. Please make me understand or let me in on a womans secret to life please.


Hi Manny,

I don't think this is a man vs. woman thing. I'm a woman and am a 'go down the drain' type myself and find it very difficult to move on.

I believe in most cases, people want to feel safe and loved within their marriage. By safe I mean working toward the same goals financially, etc. but also that they have the support of their spouse and a safe place to fall when they are down. 

If you are in a marriage where you feel this is very one-sided, you tend to become more distant and feel lonely. Resentment builds over time. I think most people that seem to 'just move on' have probably been harboring resentment for quite some time.

I don't know that there is any real secret to discover about women, but feeling emotionally connected to my husband, feeling loved and safe is the key for me to _want _to be there.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

hi swedish and manny, at one point or another we all go through it. please dont think me heartless. if u actually knew me . i fought tooth and nail for my marriage to work. first hubby used to hit me and then had affair. second hubby likes drink and stupid friends. so their is always more behind any situation. my feelings did not just shut down. after 13 years together and 2 children . I actually want it all. love, kisses , hugs and family time. but my hubbys one stand stand is another huge issue to have to deal with. 
i go out to have fun, i think im attractive and i have to feel good about myself in someway. i go horse riding as its my get away from the norm. we all deal with issues differently. dont get me wrong i have been broken many times. but im not sitting in a hole all day if i can help it. talk to your lady and find out what she wants. 
its a start.
as for me , if i bore u, im sorry. i do agree with swedish though about how a marriage can feel one sided. you fight so hard and long - you get lonely. relationships r hard work at the best of times.


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## Russell (Apr 10, 2008)

Manny...
First things first, I don't know if anyone's told you this... but your broken. Don't feel bad, so am I. However, I made a concious decision to try to heal myself. I made that decision when my wife came home and told me she was having an affair and wanted to leave me. I did a 180 degree turn around. And I LOVE IT. 

I have time for my child, I am more in love with my wife than ever, and I feel that she is starting to trusdst me again as well as I am starting to trust her as well. It takes time to heal from these incidents. And you must tell your wife how you feel. She is supposed to be your best friend, and if she cares about you when you tell her that you have been having suicidal thoughts, and have been contemplating suicide... then that will get her attention. Once you have her attention, you can ask her your questions. Ask her why she aborted that child and that you want the REAL reason, not that BS she fed you. Personally, be ready for your fears to be confirmed. 

However, if you want change in her, first you have to change yourself. Like I said, your broken, and you have to fix yourself. 

I don't pray for anyone for I don't feel there is a God. However, I do send my well wishes.

I mean, why would God let us suffer like this if we are devoted and faithful, the way I was. Then... my entire life crashed around me.

You can only depend on yourself, because noone else is going to help you... except maybe your best friend.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

hi russ, just wanted to say well done on your new journey. can i ask what your 180 dg turn was. how did you forgive. my hubby and drunk of face and eggd on by a mate, slept with a girl. one nite stand. 
hubby cannot even remember the nite. but i cannot forgive at the moment. i know it wil take time. but can i ask how you forgave?


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

hi to S J and R I really understand all the kind advice and words form you all and no you r not boring J. I jsut could not understand or accept what is really right to do becuase of the state I have been in. Please I did not mean to lash out or express any bad vibes . And like R said I am broken and to think of the "end" for me just goes to show you all how broken I really am. Thanks R for bringing that out in me. I am really a very nice and warm guy and maybe too nice at times because sometimes I think I let sometings pass me by without suspicions cause why have them in the first place??. I thought everything was ok a the home front!! And I say this becuase while I was serving my country back in 68-71 I had alot to be on guard for!! I came home and thought I was in a safe place now. Although I did drink alot before 1996..to drown out bad memories I still kept the fire on you know what I mean. I mean I was there for my wife and my kids too. I held a good job and tried to provide all the good things finacially, emotionally, sexually, socially etc. My wife did not have to work and worked at home so they say nowadays . I did not realize that this kind of problem was so much out there with so many partners. Just with this small group of forum members I feel like part of a family that has something in common and I would do anything I could to help someone in anyway that I could. I hope that all of us get over all this bad cituation and become happy in life. I would also like to know from R how he accomplished the "180 turnaround" ??.:scratchhead:
Thanks alot you guys
Manny


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## Russell (Apr 10, 2008)

My 180 degrees....

1) I quite drinking cold turkey. No questions or requests asked, I knew it was an issue.

2) I quite playing EverQuest. Real time hog. To much dedication to a fantasy, not enough dedication to my family.

3) I started controlling my anger. I could see red in an instant. Now I still see red in an instant, however I control how I react to such an anger.

4) I started playing with my son instead of just being a father. I mean, anyone can father a child, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy.

5) I forgave my wife for her affair. The kicker is, she fell in love with the jerk. Eventually I ended up thanking him for the good that came out of a bad situation. I am still learning to trust her again though. Thats a toughy. I mean, not like this was a one night stand. the hardest part, I have forgiven, but I will never forget. And that is worrying me.

6) I have learned that there is much more to life than what I was living. I am also giving it my best effort to stop smoking. And I'm almost there. Please, wish my iron will, I am going to need it.


Basicly... I have the desire to be the best man that my wife deserves. I know she can do better than me.

The most profound impact that this has had is on my self confidence. I remember when I was growing up with an emotionally abusive father... I felt like I could do nothing. I couldn't please him no matter what good I did. I was always looking at the ground instead of what was going on around me. When I met my wife, I starting looking at other things. She showed me that I can be me, and that I can be a good person without hurting others. Now... I find myself staring at my feet while I'm walking... again.


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## Russell (Apr 10, 2008)

By the way....

Justean....

It was a one night stand... he didn't fall for the chic...

He came home to you, and has been there since. He knows he screwed up. It was JUST sex... nothing more. To some people... that means a lot, to others, very little. Please, keep that in mind. The act is different than the emotion of love.


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Russel that was some feat you accomplished !!. I am very proud of you and admire your quality as a person. I remember when I was overseas my brother wrote and said to me" keep your head up". Now I really know what he meant. Russel you should look forward and not at your feet anymore. You should give yourself more credit that you have been giving yourself. Stand up straight and proud like the wings you show as the image under your name...you are an Eagle man!! . As for Justean and Swedish you too should give yourself alot of credit for what you have accomplished. You are all probably saying to yourselfs.."what happened to manny??" I guess my bipolarism is up and not down today or all your good words for me made me feel somewhat better. I know its not easy but I don't want to bring anyone down with my problems or illness today. I did talk to one of my best VA therapist yesterday and she talked to me on the phone for a while and set me up with the VA clinic again. I stopped going in 2002 and switched over to my medical insurance where they don't specialize in ptsd or VA related problems. I'm gonna see my old doctor and my therapist too. Hopefully this will help me get out of this hole I am in and I am gonna get some day treatment too. Thats where yo get to participate in crafts, interact with other Vets and maybe thats what I need on top of talking to my therapist too. She is really good. Meanwhile you all try to be good and happy ok.
(feeling a little better)
Manny


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Manny,

I'm so glad you checked in to let us know how you are doing and am really glad you are feeling better, even if only a little. 

Getting out and especially interacting with other vets sounds like a really good plan. I hope going through the VA works out better for you. I truly wish we, as a country, would put more effort into supporting vets with ptsd. Every time I go to the polls, I vote with my dad in mind, and will think of you as well.

As for today, I'll send some extra  your way


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Oh thank you so much Swedish  love all the  you sent me. I am going today to see a doctor for re-evaluation and means test again. Also getting a physical exam and am going to find out what program I am going to be put on. I left the system 2002 but was recommended to re-join....not the war this time .
I found out since 2002 some of my buddies at the VA have passed away and made me very sad to know. But I am going to try and make the best of it if I do stay with the VA. Maybe this will keep my mind off my W and my worries about her and me. Ss for you I wish you more strength and power in your delema and also want to send you lots and lots of .
Wish there was more I could do for you to make you feel strong and happy like hitting the lotto and sending all you guys chocolate. They say it makes people happy:scratchhead:..
Hope to see more progress on the forum of you.
Manny


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

mmmmmm....chocolate....:smthumbup:

something about PMS hormone levels make me want chocolate covered nuts....sweet and salty...don't know what it is but now I might need to go get some and eat them in your honor for the nice thoughts you sent our way


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

hi all, thanks russ for the 180 degree turn. u make sense. thats what my husband has done. turned around. cut back on the drink. fab dad. but since the 1 nite stand. in the past 2 months he just hasnt fought for me. and ive gone down and down. 
yes im gonna tell u, i went to a female friends, and caught the eye of her male friend. 
i know this is a recipe for disaster. but i really dont love husband at the moment. im an attractive woman and i love sex. nothing wrong with that. husband a no no. and its frustrating. 
hubby and i have been on and of for years. we dont come back for the children, only have for ourselves. 
i have and vice versa hubby have fallen out of love with eachother , but with time and fun, it did come back.
but this time it just feels different. there is no trying or fun.
in 13 years of marriage, i am so faithful, you would not believe it. but hubby took a couple of opportunistic moments when split up. i have neva done that. but now hes done it in the marriage and yes honestly russel thanks for advice. it makes sense.
but maybe i want to try it now. i love attention, who doesnt.
but to me , i should be showered with as much as you can get if you want to save a marriage - but hubby not interested, just wants to talk general, ie, i washed the car today.does not want to talk about future or love . gone of kissing, touch. i cannot keep fighting for something thats not there.
i wouldnt do n e thing for revenge. but im only 35 and not ready to give on emotions or sex. thats why i feel so lonely and empty.


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Justean....maybe you need some chocolate too . And now you really are not boring to me. You must be getting vert itchy for sex by now since hub is not paying attention to you. Is that what started all this for your marriage. I'm older than you but I too feel somewhat like you and to be honest I am horny as hell. I need love and attention too and am tempted to do something about it soon. But what can that bring but infedelity...thats why I joined this forum to seek some help/advise in time of going down the gutter with feelings. I just spoke to my local hardware paint manager and she told me her younger than her hubby is lieing to her about dumb things and she feels like pulling up the stakes and divorcing the H. Man whats going on around me??? maybe you can turn me onto your female friend for a internet date ..you go with her male friend and we'll all be happy:rofl:???
Oh well I think I am going crazy now. Sorry but I am honest and tell it like it really is and not in a rude way.
Might as well ask you how good looking you are?? You must have had lots of attention in the past because of your good looks and by now want it back again since your H is not caring for your needs.
If I offended anyone please forgive me.
Manny:rofl:


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

hi manny, nah , your not rude, your funny. 
i tried the chocolate, crap
i tried self DIY pleasure , crap (not to offend n e one)
and why not b honest, to b honest im sick of ppl not being honest. whats the point. 
when i strolled across this site i thought the same as you. i just needed someone to discuss things with. take other ppls advice. it really does help.
ok how attractive am i, well put it this way, i recently went out with a friend (female ) and 4 men (her friends) they all took a shine to me, passed on sexy comments. etc. i am brunette, and slim ( size 10/12) uk size. 
i wont b more specific, incase some one takes offence.
i am looked at quite often , if that helps.
but then again i take pride in my appearance. i class myself as refined and well tuned.
when i was in school i considered myself the ugly duckling that changed into the swan. 
i go out , c lots of ppl (men) from school days and i was a no no, now im a yes , yes and boy there faces r a picture, i love it, then i just tell them to move on. 
i have no problem with my confidence levels. i hold my head up high. so i dont need that back. the event with the 4 men was only 2 weeks ago and this weekend on going out, i had the sex offer with the school friend. nah dont think so.
i can live on my own because i like myself. i have been here b 4 and i know the score. 
actually one of the men from the group party. i chatted to him for a wk. We had a bit of fun in terms of txt sex. but then it all clicked in my head. 
i dont need this. i am a sexual person, but its not the right time to b with n e 1 else. so yes i get frustrated. the txt sex was actually very good. believe me it works.
i was paintin out my garden and suddenly i did this 180 degree turn in my head.
i felt an inner peace. 
i forgave my husband for his infidelity.(we remain separated).
but i think the best part was, i was so confused for so long, that it suddenly just ended in my head. 
by forgiving the act, i actually let myself free. im not confused and its the best i have felt in ages. 
whatever i do now, is not infidelity, i am single.


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## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Well I'll be damned . Finally a real and friendly and really down to earth woman!!!:smthumbup: I agree with all the honesty stuff you talk about cause I am for reals. I've seen, heard, and done alot in my lifetime and you Justean are one of a very few I have met or had the chance to chat with (on this forum anyway) that are real people. I am also glad you did your 180 and set yourself free which I have been doinf for myself lately. They tell me" you have suffered enough Manny!!" I am waking up to this now. And another thing I did send you a PM and I am expecting you to answer it. I think you r a very courageous and interesting woman and need to know you more. Lets get together on private email so we can at least get to know one another . Yes I love to be silly at times and am usually warm and kind too.
Come on Justean...sit next to me and lets chat.:iagree:
Love you
Manny:rofl:


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