# Hope for a miracle or hope for a peaceful ending?



## unlvd (Aug 16, 2012)

Our story is definitely as complicated as they come. Bare with me as the story may jump. I met my husband in 2000. He would always come into where I was working at the time. I didnt know at the time that he was younger than me as he dressed and acted older than 17. I was 19 and fresh out of an extremely abusive relationship. I fell for him quickly but because I was older and experiencing freedom our relationship didnt last long but we managed to stay friends.
We fell out of touch for about 2 years when he moved out of town and when he returned things sure had changed for me as I had a 9 month old baby girl. She quickly warmed up to him and it wasnt long before we were discussing having a child of our own and possibly getting married. At the time we were dating I was aware he had prior obligations to a female friend from where he used to live that was coming to visit. But he assured me it was strictly platonic and I had nothing to worry about. Something was not right because as soon as he left my house to pick her up my heart just fell into my stomach and I didnt hear from him the whole week she was here. 
So when she left things fell back to the way they were. We werent living together at the time but he was over everynight. I asked about the week he spent with her and if anything had happened between them and he said no. And even if the thought occured to she was on her period. I guess in some weird way it made me feel a little better. 
So about a month goes by and yet another pre-arranged visit was planned and this time he was to go see his sister. His visit seemed to go well I talked to him briefly but I could tell he was enjoying his time with his family. He comes back and we made plans to get married and the pregnancy so far was going well. Until one day he leaves my house for work and leaves his phone at the house. Well who else would call other than this mystery woman. Curious as to if she knew anything of me I decided to be brave and answer. Well the **** storm came when she told me that he had been lying to the both of us. Not only where they together when she was here but that trip to his sisters out of state she accompanied him! I was so furious. 
A little bit about my past...
My mother thought it was best for me to not be honest as to who my father was. I would get stories every few years and she would of course forget what she told me (as she was a heavy drinker) and tell me a different story every time. I never really held resentment towards my mother or my stepfather as they really were just trying to protect me.. I think. When I was 17 my oldest sisters dad came to visit and pressured my mother as to whom I belonged to. She caved in and said I was his but it just never really felt real to me. Now years later I receive some emails from a relative explaining how guilty they felt that they never came forward with that they knew about my father. They ended up contacting his sister and getting his phone info and address but I have yet to act on it. Im honestly not even sure I want to know.
Anyways, so I bring this forward as im told this may have some kind of emotional effect on my trusting others. My first husband, it was a very short marriage. I was only 19, I thought he was hot and older and everything I wanted but it turned out he had many problems of his own. He was a liar, a cheater, an abuser, a drunk. This side of him only came out when he was drinking so I stuck it out for some time until it got really bad and I had no other choice but to leave. So at this point running into R when I did it was like my white horse. I knew him and he was the man that I knew would never lie to me or deceive me. He was just one of those few guys that ya sure he had acne a little and he was goofy and he would show up at my work and embarrass me a little by riding his bike with a big a$$ helmet lol. But he always had a way to make me laugh or smile and I just knew he was one of the good ones and that meant more to me than anything. I was safe.

So when reality struck me that after finding out im to have a baby and get married to someone who just lied to me and betrayed me. I will never forget the look I got as he was leaving it was so reassuring its scary to think about because I never knew he had that in him. 
So he gets home from work and I am just absolutely a mess. I had been crying all day I packed all if his stuff and I told him I never wanted to see him again. He cried as he ate a Marie Calender's Chicken Fried Steak tv dinner. And I never have before in my life seen a man cry. So of course we moved on from what had happened but I can say I forgave him but the little things were always in the back of my mind. Like why didnt he just tell me she was going with him to his sisters? Or if he got away with it would he do it again? At this point its eating away at me but we still got married. I felt like everyone in my life has lied to me. Even the one person I swore to myself he would never do. He just wasnt the type. When we were younger he loved me so so much. It was kind of annoying. But at the time I was enjoying my freedom and getting in trouble and wasnt ready for anything serious. And finally when I was he changed on me. He was no longer that sweet innocent guy I fell for.
I wasnt doing to well as far as trusting him went. I would get nervous if he would be out late. I didnt really believe him sometimes when he said he had to work a graveyard shift. And things slowly started going down hill. I had been under alot of stress and it things really took a turn when for some reason I just wasnt feeling right and went to the hospital to find out my water was sitting right on my cervix and the baby had no fluid. We lost our son that night. It was one off the hardest things i have ever done. it was too late for a csection so I had to give a natural birth to our baby boy he had already passed. After that our marriage was slipping more and more. We grew distant all I could think about was having another baby. I pushed sex on him way too much and it made him mad especially when he had to work late shifts. But I had my heart set on my baby and it was taken from me so I was determined to get it back. I guess looking back now too im sure i thought in a way it would save us too. With him upset with me wanting sex all the time and not being pregnant it gave him no reason to stay. And he didnt for long.


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## unlvd (Aug 16, 2012)

I will be posting more of my story in several posts to give y'all a break lol. This is just the beginning..


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

So sorry about your son  (and the situation)


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