# Urgh, wanting to give up...



## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Here is our story. Hubby and I met online in June of 2008, he was living in Virginia USA and I live in Ontario, Canada. We started talking everyday and things got more serious as the time went on and I decided I would go to Virginia for 2 months in June of 2009. I had lost my job and wanted to meet Hubby and see what was there. After talking on the phone and via text for a year you would think we would know each other very well, but once I got there it seemed I didn’t. Now a little background on me. I had never been in a relationship or even had a boyfriend before him. I had been overweight my teenage years and kept to myself. When Hubby and I started talking I remember thinking he was to good for me and this would never be anything more than talking online. He was very handsome and I was just fat. I lost over 100lbs before meeting him and felt like it was time. I flew to Virginia in June and stayed until the end of August. Jumping ahead, he moved to Canada so we could be together in March of 2010, he proposed in July and we married in October. We started the immigration process in Feb and he was a permanent resident as of August 2010. To make a long story short this is the issues I am having now. To start off neither of us have EVER cheated in each other physically or mentally. NEVER! I feel like he is SO childish. He does the whole “oh and your not” thing if I say to him, stop acting childish or anything else really. He always has to have it come back on me. When he does something wrong he really never apologizes for it. It’s always sorry BUT you did this, or you did that. Never owns up to anything. My family sees the way he treats me and my old brother does not want to be around him anymore. I feel like I am being torn apart by this. I do love my husband but don’t think I am in love with him. We have sex maybe once a month or every few months, he has no sex drive really. We have been in counseling for months and it seems all we do is talk about him and the way he was raised and I just don’t know. I feel like I walk on eggshells with him most of the time. He gets upset over pretty much everything and cannot do much for himself, so I am like a wife and mother to him. This morning I was up at 6:30am. Had a shower, read for a bit and then got ready for work. Well I put my music on in the bathroom very low as not to wake him. Well apparently it wasn’t low enough and it did wake him. So he came down this morning, picked up my cell and turned my music down. I looked at him and said, seriously, I’m not allowed to have music on anymore?!!? This is all while my sister is watching of course, which makes me feel even more embarrassed. So she leaves and he says that I kept him up all night coughing (my bad for having a nasty cold) and then he heard my music (which I don’t know how that’s possible considering when I went into the bedroom I couldn’t hear it). So I left for work this morning feeling upset and just wanting to tell him to screw off. I feel so frustrated and feel like I deserve better. I am a very caring and loving person and always try to do what’s best for HIM and make HIM happy, who cares about me right? Well it’s getting to the point where I just don’t want to be around him. I read from the time I am home from work, till when I go to bed. I cook dinner and eat and that’s about it. I am at my wits end here. 


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## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

It sounds like you both have unhealthy ways of communicating and perhaps your therapist is not helping? From what I read in your statement the conversation usually begins with an accusation. You could try next time you want to say "stop acting childish" or "why do you do that..." etc... to really tap into how you feel when he does that and start the conversation with "when you say that to me I feel really angry or sad"... see what happens.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Thanks for the advise, I will try that. I do not always call him childish, that was just an example. I am not a negative person but everything coming out of his mouth is negative. Our counselor told him he is taking his anger out on me in the way that he treats me. He really doesn't say a heck of a lot to her. I feel like we have come a long way since we started counseling, but I am not sure if it is fair to want him to change. He was brought up VERY different then I was. I have always been independent and he has always depended on his mom. His Dad was abusive with him in that he would scream and yell at him in his teenage years and he is VERY controlling to everyone. He is just an ass. So I am trying to understand where my hubby is coming from BUT I do not want to be unhappy. I feel like my husband just wants me to be happy and doesn't think I will ever leave, so its all fine to him. There are no I love you's at night anymore and I feel like we are slipping.


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