# We just need money.



## kitkateybug (Jun 9, 2012)

Background story: We can successfully pay all of our bills every month so that's all fine and dandy, I'm very proud and happy. But I'm also stressed because when we pay everything we don't have enough money for anything else. Bills vary every month of course, including minimum credit card payments. We have to use credit for our groceries and what we call "errand shopping". You know what being in debt is like. A lot of people are worse off, I'm not going to pretend that we're done for. But we're in deep enough to know what in deep is like. Our marriage is hurting, I bet money is in the reason somewhere. 

Thread question: Thing is we don't have the money for marriage counseling. We went to a couple sessions, agreed that it "may" be helping but we can't afford to go back and find out. A long time ago we decided that we need to spend more time together out of the home. Dancing sounds like fun. There are plenty of dance lesson places around here, and it saved the marriage of a good friend of mine. But we don't have money for that, either. So we stay in our home wondering what to do, wondering if we should do it together. And sometimes, it really hurts. So, are there any words of wisdom around? Thanks lots.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you tell us a bit more about your marriage. How long have you been married? Do you have chlidren? Do you work outside the home?

Since you cannot afford marriage counseling there are still things you can do.

Take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage... read and work on those books together. They can really help. Personally I think that they are better than most marriage counselors.

There is also a good book, "Divorce Bustings".

Now about dancing. There are in many places dance clubs that cost little to nothing. For example there is a Univerisity where I live. They have a dance club. It is little to nothing to join the club. It meets once a week. It's a blast.


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## kitkateybug (Jun 9, 2012)

Thanks for your response. We've been married for five years, have no children. Dh has a difficult job outdoors, he works six days a week in the Summer and Fall. I was fired from my job 2 years ago and have been unsuccessful in getting another. I try to make money from inside our home and I make just a little. Thanks for the book idea, I've purchased three that I read about on these forums and I look forward to reading them. I've never considered a dance club, only the lessons, and come to think of it I'm not sure why we must have a teacher. Thank you for that idea.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

kitkateybug said:


> Dancing sounds like fun. There are plenty of dance lesson places around here, and it saved the marriage of a good friend of mine.


No offense but if money is the main cause of your marital stress no amount of dance lessons (or any other couples activity) will help unless you get your finances under control.

If you are looking for a couples activity that won't burn a hole in your wallet, i would recommend sex. Its fun, cheap and will bring you guys closer together and may even save your marriage


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Walking hiking etc going to the park also most universities that have graduate programs offer counseling either free or a minimum amount for couples or individuals they normally work under a licensed therapists and most are pretty good dollar movie night is also affordable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kitkateybug said:


> Thanks for your response. We've been married for five years, have no children. Dh has a difficult job outdoors, he works six days a week in the Summer and Fall. I was fired from my job 2 years ago and have been unsuccessful in getting another. I try to make money from inside our home and I make just a little. Thanks for the book idea, I've purchased three that I read about on these forums and I look forward to reading them. I've never considered a dance club, only the lessons, and come to think of it I'm not sure why we must have a teacher. Thank you for that idea.


All of the dance clubs that I know have members who teach the others different dances.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

The dance clubs here in Austin have a night where free lessons are offered, and then you can stay and dance, no cover. If you don't order drinks, it's free.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Kit,
He is working 6 days a week. He can't do more. You need to step up here. YOU need to make more money. 





kitkateybug said:


> Background story: We can successfully pay all of our bills every month so that's all fine and dandy, I'm very proud and happy. But I'm also stressed because when we pay everything we don't have enough money for anything else. Bills vary every month of course, including minimum credit card payments. We have to use credit for our groceries and what we call "errand shopping". You know what being in debt is like. A lot of people are worse off, I'm not going to pretend that we're done for. But we're in deep enough to know what in deep is like. Our marriage is hurting, I bet money is in the reason somewhere.
> 
> Thread question: Thing is we don't have the money for marriage counseling. We went to a couple sessions, agreed that it "may" be helping but we can't afford to go back and find out. A long time ago we decided that we need to spend more time together out of the home. Dancing sounds like fun. There are plenty of dance lesson places around here, and it saved the marriage of a good friend of mine. But we don't have money for that, either. So we stay in our home wondering what to do, wondering if we should do it together. And sometimes, it really hurts. So, are there any words of wisdom around? Thanks lots.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Some cheap ideas... 


If you have a comp.. just search on youtube for dance lesson videos or google... there are your free dance lessons. 

I agree with the dollar movie night.

One thing you could do if your unsuccessful at getting a job where your at is think about something like.. joining the national guard or something. There's an added income there. 

As far as spending more time together... well you could also try lovepong.com, take the 5 languages of love quiz, and text him sweet messages while he's at work and he'll reply when he can.

That university suggestion is a great idea.. never heard it before but plan to look into it now. Oh and OP ... I understand where your at when it comes to having finiancial problems.. My own hubby and I are going through that as well. Things are improving a bit though for us .. so just try to look at the positive of your relationship. Heck you all may get in little spats or big ones over something money related... but as i said.. try to look at the positive things... it does help a bit.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

You don't need a dance teacher. Just get out there and have fun! I can't dance worth a lick but my wife sure can. I go dancing with her because it's fun for her. Besides, even if you can't dance if you're anything like us everyone else disappears after a few minute. My wife is all I can see and vice versa.


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## enso (Jun 9, 2012)

kitkateybug said:


> Thanks for your response. We've been married for five years, have no children. Dh has a difficult job outdoors, he works six days a week in the Summer and Fall. I was fired from my job 2 years ago and have been unsuccessful in getting another. I try to make money from inside our home and I make just a little. Thanks for the book idea, I've purchased three that I read about on these forums and I look forward to reading them. I've never considered a dance club, only the lessons, and come to think of it I'm not sure why we must have a teacher. Thank you for that idea.


>You say:
>I was fired from my job 2 years ago and have been >unsuccessful in getting another.

If $ is the main issue when why is stopping you from getting a job. I think your dh has to reduce his hours and you need to work as well if you can.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is my life. We work and pay bills and then......work to pay bills.

If we got a lump sum of 10,000 dollars, we'd be juuuuust fine. lol.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sandc said:


> You don't need a dance teacher. Just get out there and have fun! I can't dance worth a lick but my wife sure can. I go dancing with her because it's fun for her. Besides, even if you can't dance if you're anything like us everyone else disappears after a few minute. My wife is all I can see and vice versa.


I like your idea of just going out to have fun.

But some people, myself included, love learning different dances and then practicing them until we can do them very well. I love it. Have not done this in ages. But I wish I had never stopped.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

For fun we do:

Hikes
Video games in Club Garage (LOL our garage is set up like a living room with space for his car).
Bike rides
Picnics
Sex ( that's a given)
Movie nights with popcorn (Hubs makes the BEST popcorn)
Karaoke (it's free! We just order one drink, and then drink water)
Photography days
Puzzles
Board games
and writing down our dreams and goals.


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## burgh_mom (Jul 9, 2012)

money issues killed my marriage. i would not wait. get a job. help the both of you out. give him a day off maybe. then tell him, when he has some room to breathe, that you'd like to go out for a drink and a dance to blow off some steam. use that as a reward, a way to celebrate little successes like paying off a bill. 

don't wait until he gives up. you will lose him.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> For fun we do:
> 
> Hikes
> Video games in Club Garage (LOL our garage is set up like a living room with space for his car).
> ...


Adding in strip poker. One of my favorite cheap things to do


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Agree that you need to work. Agree that money per se may be issue. Or, the issue may be that you are not doing much to improve your job prospects even over the longer term while your husband does a tough job 6 days per week.

My addition is that you don't have kids. This means you don't have scheduling issues or need to weigh the cost of day care vs. potential earnings. This in turn means you need to find a job doing anything - even at McDonalds or stocking shelves in a store. The pay might be bad, but without kids to consider every dollar you make goes straight to your bottom line.

The second thing is that if you really cannot find a job doing anything, you need to go back to school. More education in a relevant field has no real drawbacks (again noting you don't have a job right now). Healthcare should be big for a while.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I agree about working. Find some type of job. Otherwise, finances will probably continue to be an issue, and you can't complain when you're not working. I agree with the above poster. If you can't find a job, go back to school. You don't have children and have no reason not to work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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