# Is a seperation (different homes) the KISS OF DEATH???



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Ok everyone , I am not being productive today at work with all this on my mind so starting another Thread.

Some of you know my story, but the highlights are 

1. had some fights over the last few years with H mainly about parenting and $. All else in our life was awesome.

2 July comes and he said he has tried for few years to get me to see his point on those things, and doesn't feel apart of the family anymore, therefore has fallen out of love with me, and can't change the way he feels, and he wants a divorce.

3. Found out from Feb-July he was talking with OW (EA), which turned PA for about a month after he told me.

4. PA has ended but they still text (she lives 3000 miles away, but travels for work) 

5. Planned together for him to move out Jan 1, helped him find a place.....talked about $, and at one time he said "if I can't support you and kids, and me seperately , I just won't move out" but still wants a divorce. I managed to cut some corners for him to move out, don't want him that way, want him to WANT to stay and make our marriage work.

6. I forgave him for the EA/PA although she is crazy, and has contacted me a few times.

7 OUr realationship has never missed a beat with being friends and lovers, although most have warned me to stop.

8. Moving day is next week.....

Can this seperation help us? Without him realizing it......


----------



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Separation can only help you. The only thing that can help your stb... is a few more slices of cake.


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Giving a cheater space? Hmmmm


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The only way a separation will help is if you are DONE. Right now you aren't. You've rugswept what he did and he isn't remorseful. You haven't held him at all accountable.

I kicked my husband out on D day and today things are great. But if he had acted like your hubby, and I had acted like you, they wouldn't be.


----------



## NotEZ (Sep 23, 2012)

The "OW" is the kiss of death regardless of where H lives. Until, and unless, he ends ALL contact with her your relationship will never work.

And yes, separation is the ONLY thing that can help you. He will NEVER realize the consequences of his actions if he doesn't have to face them. And, from the sounds of it, he has never had to. You've given him everything he needs at home.. intimacy, friendship, family, etc. All this AFTER he said he wants out of the marriage (ie: no committment). Right now, he is cake eating. He can continue to text OW because you are "seperated". He can be "confused" for as long as he wants because you are still catering to his every need.

Let him move out... but realize it will only help the situation if you let him "lose you" in the process. Do not give him your love, your friendship, anything. Let him be alone and figure out what he wants. YOU deserve better than what he is giving you right now. Let him figure it out on his own and then decide FOR YOU whether you want to let him back in when he has. 

Trust me, I know it feels like you are going to lose him forever if you let him go. But the simple fact is, you've already lost him. All the "connecting as lovers and friends" you've done while he's been there has obviously not changed his mind one bit. You deserve someone who is going to be 100% committed to you and your marriage. The only way you are going to get that at this point, is to let him go and let him figure out what he wants. If he truly loves you, he will be back.


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

thank u


----------



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

nonsense. her husband has done everything convenient to his urges right under her nose. separating will allow Wifey315 to set some ground rules and for her husband to stop cake eating his way through their relationship.


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

ty again.....only getting stronger with each post!


----------

