# Considering leaving



## Devastated1 (Dec 7, 2009)

Hi, I'm new here.

I'm considering leaving my husband. We've been married nearly 10 yrs and I found out that he's been cheating. His activities have been online and he says it's not cheating because it wasn't physical. I can't get through to him that it was cheating and that what he did was wrong. He just keeps going back and forth that I didn't do anything wrong, then tells me that I'm to blame. I can't take the head games anymore.

Thanks for taking the time to read and offer any advice.


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## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

Not a whole lot to go on in terms of the "head games" and the history of it, however, I will give you my opinion. Online or not it is still cheating if there was an emotional connection established with a member of the opposite sex. If he is confiding in her, relying on her for emotional support, if he has done any cybering with her. It is cheating. At least in my book. 

To turn around and blame you for it is typical. If there was a problem he should have turned to you with it. If that didn't work, he should have turned to counseling for the problem. If that didn't work, then there are other options... none of which involve the bringing in of another party into the mix and creating an emotional, or physical triangle of a relationship. 

Just my opinion.

I know I am having trouble in my marriage. The last thing I want to do, or need to do, is start confiding it in a male friend and creating a situations that is extremely dangerous as emotional connections form and an emotional affair is just as devestating as a physical if not even more so.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

why do they always turn the blame on someone else, no body made them connect online with someone else. he chose to do this, why would he need to, this is the question you might want answered.
sorry you feel so bad......good luck


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Blaming won't solve anything. But neglecting to find the deeper reasons for him 'cheating' on you leaves a lot of questions to be answered. He has a void he is trying to fill and doesn't seem to be able to 'man up' to discuss it with you. Could there be any reason for this?

If there isn't one and he has laid out all the cards on the table, then he needs professional help to have hope in salvaging the relationship.

All the best in this.


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## Devastated1 (Dec 7, 2009)

Thanks for your replies, everyone. I've asked him why and he just comes up with a different excuse. Most recent being stress. Not only has he kept this from me, but I've found out a lot of other things that he's kept from me. I've asked him so many times to talk to me and he says he will, then I find something else that he's keeping from me. He says I'm hard to talk to. I don't know, everyone else I know seems to not have a problem talking to me (especially about things I'd rather not know). I don't know what's going on any more. Not sure I care either.


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