# Girlfriend sex drive issues



## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

My girlfriend is 51 years old and seemingly uninterested in sex. She has not reached menopause.

It feels like a control game or like maybe she is gay but we can at least talk about it.

I am 47 and overweight. I am 6' and 260lbs and she is 5' and overweight also.

Her weight doesn't bother me at all in the bedroom so I really don't know what to do.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Don't be 47 and overweight and don't date an older woman who's overweight.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

How long have you been together?
Has it always been this way, or has it been a slow progression downhill?
What does she say when you discuss it? 
Why have you both become overweight, and are you each working on getting healthier?
We need more info....details will help you get better advice. 
Welcome to TAM.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

People who aren't sexually compatible have about a snowball's chance in hell at a happy long term relationship. 

Walk away.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The good thing here is that you're not married, so you don't have to work on the issue unless you really want to. And since sexual mismatch issues are rarely resolved to the higher drive person's satisfaction, you'd do better to end it and try to find someone more compatible. They do exist.


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## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

Spicy said:


> How long have you been together?
> Has it always been this way, or has it been a slow progression downhill?
> What does she say when you discuss it?
> Why have you both become overweight, and are you each working on getting healthier?
> ...


Thanks for the replies.
It has always been this way and is getting worse.
She appears indifferent when we discuss it.
That's part of what's confusing. The sex portion isn't working but some of the other things are and are working well. We are happy and we are both focused on getting healthier. I have lost about 40 lbs since we have been together and she has too. I know that she has some embarrassment issues, but I can't seem to break through.
I tell her she is beautiful because I believe that she is.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It is very unlikely that the sexual issues will get better, so I suggest that you assume your sex life will stay the same or get worse over time. Then decide if you want to stay. Its your decision.

Since she has always been like this, it is very unlikely it is anything you are doing or not doing. Its just the way she is. Fault is not an issue. Just decide if the sexual incompatibility is enough for you to break up. 

My recommendation is to leave, but it is your choice. 




MutualRespect said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> It has always been this way and is getting worse.
> She appears indifferent when we discuss it.
> That's part of what's confusing. The sex portion isn't working but some of the other things are and are working well. We are happy and we are both focused on getting healthier. I have lost about 40 lbs since we have been together and she has too. I know that she has some embarrassment issues, but I can't seem to break through.
> I tell her she is beautiful because I believe that she is.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She seems uninterested in sex because she 
Is uninterested in sex. 

I'd dump her. She won't change. Do you want a friend or a lover? Don't you already have friends? If all I could have is a friend, I'd go for a guy as a roommate. Far less emotional and won't complain about you going fishing too much.


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## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

Great responses and thank you for your candor.

How do I tell which responses are male and which are female?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

MutualRespect said:


> It has always been this way *and is getting worse.
> She appears indifferent when we discuss it.
> *That's part of what's confusing. The sex portion isn't working but some of the other things are ...


Then it's up to you to decide what priority/importance to put on sex in the relationship. She's just not all that interested in sex; in fact, she's downright indifferent.

I don't see where it's confusing. She enjoys your company, she enjoys other parts of the relationship ... She's just not into sex.

Decide whether or not you can accept this. If so, fine then stay. If not, consider finding another partner.

Your life. Your choice.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MutualRespect said:


> Great responses and thank you for your candor.
> 
> How do I tell which responses are male and which are female?


Male responses are nice and sweet, helpful.

Martian response are amazing but in Advanced Gibberish.

Females are dripping with venom..

Huh, what?
.........................................................

Your' answer.

Click on the person's Avatar on the left.
Go to their personal information page and check out their sex.

If it is not listed, do not feel bad. They do not know what it is either.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

(Female point of view). 

This is not likely to get better. It could, of course, since anything's possible. But don't bet on it. So if sex is important to you, think seriously about moving on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Keep moving those pounds down.
Pounds down, feet lighter.

Keep moving those pounds down.
Pounds down, waist smaller.

Keep moving those pounds down.
Pounds down, muscles can be seen.

Keep moving those pounds down.
Pounds down, your penis gets longer.

Keep moving those pounds down.
Pounds down, the testes can be seen.

You get the picture.
I refuse to do....that. The picture.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On the girlfriend..

Keep her that...a girlfriend.
Good friends, even sexless ones, are like gold.

When your's wait is over, your' proper weight will lighten your' mood.
And turn heads with long tresses, lipsticked smiles.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Overweight, potentially homosexual, and using sex for control? Sounds like a situation for a poor sex life.

Try hitting the gym, see if that spurs anything along. My wife had divorced friends in their 50's and they were randy AF.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Put a little effort into fixing the sex problem, but not too much. The reality is, it likely will not be fixed. There are many people here who have been trying for years to get their wives interested in sex and they have not had much success. You should only stay in this relationship if you are happy with this level of sex. And the truth is, it's likely to get worse as she gets older. And the other truth is, it's likely to get worse the longer the relationship goes on. So go into the future knowing you'll have to fight those battles on a continual basis.


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