# He never wants sex



## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

I feel so gross even having to write this but I'm so lonely and really need advice. He and I have been dating for 3.5 years and married for only a few weeks. He is 28 and I am 33. Both attractive and in shape. 

Our early relationship was riddled with him cheating and being verbally abusive but I stuck it out. We've never had a great sex life. I didn't realize how little he wanted sex because we lived two states apart for the first year. Only recently have I realized that he will only have sex with me 1 time per month and that is only if I initiate. He doesn't pleasure me orally and says he finds it disgusting. He also won't finger me or stimulate me with foreplay at all unless I beg and cry for weeks on end and then he does it days later. I can count on one hand the number of times that he has touched me down there...or kissed my breasts...or showed any interest in doing anything sexual other than just lying on his back and having me "jump on it" as he says.

I lied to him early on and told him that I got off and only recently confessed the truth that I have never orgasmed with him ( or anyone for that matter). I know it hurt his feelings. He often gets angry with me for "changing things" and says that he was interested in me to begin with because I was the kind of girl who would always initiate and never ask for oral pleasure.

What do I do? We didn't even have sex our wedding night. I'm so sad.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

my concern is......Do you know he isn't gay?


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## studley (Oct 19, 2011)

He won't change. Get out before you have any kids.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So for the first year, you lived apart from each other and that's why you didn't know what your sex life with him would be like. What about for the other 2.5 years you were dating? From what you describe, there were many warning signs, and you blitzed right by them.

Honestly, if I was you I'd start thinking about a plan B. Starting over. You can try to get him to go to some form of counseling, but I suspect I know how that will go. You may be able to get an annulment, if you act quickly enough. And if you do start over, pay attention to the big red flashing signs! 

C


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

I've asked several times (joking and not) if he is gay and his answer is a swift NO. He always flirts with women and has a history of being very unfaithful. He loves having women chase him and make all the effort and send him nudes...dirty emails...etc. I know he has a MAJOR addiction to porn. He watches it atleast once a day and when he gets off there is hardly every any liquid because he gets himself off regularly. i've seen the porn he looks at. It's always girls taking advantage of men.


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

Divorce isn't an option. I love him very much and have no desire to cheat or leave. I just want my sweet boy back. He sometimes sees his mistakes and make it right with nice words but I'm starting to realize those words are very empty. We've had sex twice in two months. I'm so LONELY!!!


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

MAybe you could surprise him and tie him up and have your way with him. Catch him off guard...


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

Sounds like a great idea...but he knows when I'm trying to come onto him and shuts me down right off the bat


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

and anyway...I'd have to do that every time and I just want some normal give and take.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Enjoy your life, then. Because this is likely as good as your marriage is going to be. I say this not to be cruel, but to try to awaken you to your reality.

C


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

life is much too short to wait on happiness and fulfillment. not a fan of divorce BUT less a fan of a miserable marriage.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I'm sorry to say this but . . . you write you want your "sweet boy" back. Nothing in what you've provided us indicates he was ever a sweet boy. Rather, you say he's a cheater, verbally abusive, and not interested in a physical relationship with you. I agree with the others--I see no happiness in the future.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If I had to guess I'd say porn is the problem. He watches it once a day? He's too drained for sex. Certainly too drained to have the urge to do it with an actual woman. Does he have a short attention span? Does he get bored easily. Switch from hobby to hobby after a few months? ADD?

This is not going to be easy to fix. You need to somehow get a commitment from him, and he's going to need heavy duty help. Counseling.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> Our early relationship was riddled with him cheating and being verbally abusive


THIS is a sweet boy???

Your standards must be really low.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

He won't go down on you and only fingers you if you beg for days? I hate to throw barbs at my fellow man, but this guy sounds like a loser IMO. 

Maybe his cheating ways is what s keeping him from being horny.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

MLee555 said:


> Divorce isn't an option. I love him very much and have no desire to cheat or leave. I just want my sweet boy back. He sometimes sees his mistakes and make it right with nice words but I'm starting to realize those words are very empty. We've had sex twice in two months. I'm so LONELY!!!


why would you want to stay with a person who through his words and actions only shows disrespect and contempt for you.

I predict that you will fight the good fight until so much resentment builds up that you can't take it any more or until he cheats again and again leaving you feeling undesired.

hopfully you won't have kids by the time this happens.

good luck


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

He actually can be rather sweet. He is very charming and has moments of total sweetness. usually when he sees the error of his ways and is apologizing. I wouldn't say he really apologizes so much as just acts attentive. Either way, up until about 6 months before the wedding he was sending and getting dirty emails from another girl. He only does it when he's drunk (actually,..he only gets caught when he's drunk) he's quite adept at hiding these things from me. He made some changes and has tried to prove that he is no longer flirting or sexting and has no desire to...but even when he was our sex life was poor. It isn't affected by the cheating at all.

The most annoying part....he says that I'm crazy, needy, obsessed. he always has an excuse. It's too early, too late, he's full, he's tired, I'm not making enough money, I'm not at the gym enough (p.s. I am 140 lbs and 5'10 redhead with abs and work out 3 times a week at least). He says that I don't dress up anymore. I am in full make-up and heels everyday. he says I come to bed in his boxers and that is a turn off...so I stop. He says I don't ever wear lingerie anymore. The last time I did he was looking around to see a Family Guy rerun (once again...too tired). I walk into the run totally naked after a shower and he doesn't look. 

To placate me he'll ask for dirty pictures from me when he's out of town. It hurts when he does that because I can't even get him to look at me when he's home and I feel like he only asks for the pictures because he's far enough out of my reach to not be expected to put out. He rarely tells me I'm pretty and acts like I'm lying if I say that someone in public gave me a compliment. It's so weird.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

MLee

On one hand you talk about what a sweet and lovely guy he is and how much you love him and will never leave him...then on the other he cheats on you, hides things from you, criticizes you constantly and won't show you any kind of affection whatsoever. 

My suggestion is to get some individual counselling. You need to acquire some self esteem. No one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

Re-read your posts. then come back tomorrow and read them again. Does the person you are describing sound sweet? loving? caring? like a good spouse?


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

I actually work in mental health and have all the tools necessary to deal with this issue but can't for some reason. I have seen several therapists and asked him to join me. Of course, he says HELL NO. The therapists always tell me to leave him. I hate that we live in a culture where that is the easy answer. JUST LEAVE...as if I haven't dedicated all this time and energy to making something work with someone that I saw/see love and potential in. 

I really just want perspective...honest to goodness perspective. What would you all think if the same was happening in your relationship. After being with him for this long I've been conditioned by him to feel crazy and like it's my fault. He swears that men HATE giving women oral pleasure and only do it to get laid. He swears that all the men I dated before were faking enjoyment when they did it. He almost has me convinced. Basically, I just want to know...is this normal?


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

and I'm only telling you the bad stuff. I haven't mentioned that he is a soldier...a hero...an amazing son....so SWEET and protective and wonderful with my daughter who isn't his child. I haven't told you that if I'm sick he brings me medicine and washes my hair. I haven't told you that he is very generous. He loves his family and America and is good in all ways. He just doesn't seem interested in sex with me. He tells me he loves me and that divorce will never be an option to him. I feel like he is having an internal battle between being a single man and a married man.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> Our early relationship was riddled with him cheating and being verbally abusive but I stuck it out.


Why? Did you think it was going to somehow suddenly get better?



MLee555 said:


> We've never had a great sex life.


It obviously wasn't because of great sex.



MLee555 said:


> He doesn't pleasure me orally and says he finds it disgusting.


I bet he doesn't find it disgusting for you to do it to him though.



MLee555 said:


> He also won't finger me or stimulate me with foreplay at all unless I beg and cry for weeks on end


Seriously? You CRY? Tears and sobbing, for WEEKS about how he won't pleasure you? I'm not excusing his lack of courtesy and compassion, but that's rather extreme. Do you actually say between sobs "And you NEVER FINGER ME!"??



MLee555 said:


> and then he does it days later.


You cry for weeks, then you suddenly stop crying, a few days go by and then suddenly he fingers you?

How exactly does that come about?



MLee555 said:


> I can count on one hand the number of times that he has touched me down there


Was that an intended pun?



MLee555 said:


> I lied to him early on ..says that he was interested in me to begin with because I was the kind of girl who would always initiate and never ask for oral pleasure.


Well, if you lied and set a precedent about you having orgasms and being satisfied with the lack of sex and you always initiating then you are definitely part of the problem, the other part of the problem of course being his inconsideration, lame excuses and lack of interest in sex with you. You can't force someone to have sex with you.. well you "could" but it won't work out in the long run.

It's only been 3 weeks of marriage, it's not going to get better.



MLee555 said:


> What do I do? We didn't even have sex our wedding night. I'm so sad.


You either:

1- settle for things as they are
2- find someone on the side
3- get a divorce and find someone who respects you and has the same sex drive as you do.

I know what I'd do (and it's not 1 or 2)


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

I really need options and answers. How do I gain his interest? how do I get the point across to him that it's not fair that I pleasure him but he won't me...(he has made no secret of that fact that if I didn't pleasure him he would leave me). How do I show him that I'm not going anywhere...I've noticed that he's going through me emails and phone a lot lately. He thinks I'm CHEATING!!!


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> He tells me he loves me and that divorce will never be an option to him





MLee555 said:


> (he has made no secret of that fact that if I didn't pleasure him he would leave me).


_Translated for accuracy:_

As long as you do everything he wants and he doesn't do anything you want, things will always be peachy.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

Can't speak for all men. I have never had another man say they don't like to orally pleasure women or their wife.
I LOVE it. I would hope even if it bothers him he would do it for YOU. Pleasuring my wife is VERY enjoyable and important to me.


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

Donders,

I might have exaggerated a bit there. By "crying for weeks on end" I mean that when I try to talk to him about this he just tells me to shut up...or turns the volume up on the TV as I talk. He calls it nagging. Pretty sure I know how to talk to a man...but either way...your post was funny and I do believe at one time I might have been guilty of saying between sobs that "You...hufffffff....NEVER....fingeeeeeer me....blubber blubber blubber"...at which point I think he said something like, "look at yourself...you're a f#$king psycho". Then I ignore him for days (which is hard to do in a tiny house) and finally I just feel him reach for me. I get so tired of the deep freeze that we are always in.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

he sounds very controlling. he said divorce is not an option but threatened to leave if you don't pleasure him?


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

In 3.5 years he has gone down on me 2 times. Both times he was totally wasted and forceful and made me turn the lights off (like I have an ugly body or something) and one time he even ate a mushroom swiss burger first and had mayo all over his mouth... I tried to stop him but he acted like a pouty baby. It was awful. The second time he was also wasted and did it for about one minute. This sounds like a joke. I swear it's not.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

Called you a f#$king Psycho?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lol. A mushroom Swiss burger?!? Omg.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> . The therapists always tell me to leave him.
> 
> *TherapistS? Plural??? As someone else suggested, re-read this tomorrow and see if your staying with him still makes sense.*
> 
> ...


*So he thinks he's the only normal one? HAH! You'd be better off with one of them! Stop doing to him ANYTHING that he won't do for you! Let him leave! Annul this shame of a marriage!*


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

that's just not right...


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

How respulsive is that? And that was at the beginning of our relationship. He had just dragged me along to a lingerie party at his friends house. After it was over I'd planned a nice hotel/hot tub for he and I. First he wanted me to stop and get him food. So I get his food and at this point he is wasted and starts cussing throws his drink out of my jeep window. I should have left that night. He doesn't remember it so it didn't happen. And yes...there was mayo everywhere. It was AWFUL! Then he fell asleep as his phone buzzed with sexts from another girl.


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## MLee555 (Sep 14, 2012)

As a matter of fact...I have been avoiding coming on to him and I've only pleased him once in two months. He says I've read it in some "wacko psychology book" and that it's a crazy method.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

You have listed some of the things you love about him but it looks as if there are many more things that you don't. Sounds like he has abusive tendancies.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wow, you really know how to pick em. Not sure this can be fixed. Anyway, I still think the porn is a major part of the problem.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> he just tells me to shut up...or turns the volume up on the TV as I talk.
> 
> He calls it nagging.
> 
> Then I ignore him for days (which is hard to do in a tiny house) and finally I just feel him reach for me. I get so tired of the deep freeze that we are always in.


You try to discuss your concerns, your unhappiness, your unmet needs.

He tells you to shut up and turns up the volume on the TV so he doesn't have to listen to you "nag".

You respond by giving him the silent treatment for days.

I'm sensing communication issues here. And possibly some "failure to act like mature adults"


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Wow, you really know how to pick em. Not sure this can be fixed. Anyway, I still think the porn is a major part of the problem.


That and he's a complete jacka$$


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

:iagree:


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> I really just want perspective...honest to goodness perspective. What would you all think if the same was happening in your relationship. After being with him for this long I've been conditioned by him to feel crazy and like it's my fault. He swears that men HATE giving women oral pleasure and only do it to get laid. He swears that all the men I dated before were faking enjoyment when they did it. He almost has me convinced. Basically, I just want to know...is this normal?


By perspective you seem to mean someone who supports your decision to stay in this relationship. Objective counsellors and complete strangers on the internet have tried to point out that his behaviour is completely unacceptable and should not be tolerated. You add even more egregious acts on his part to the list then go on to say how wonderful he is. You appear to be playing the part of a martyr. 

It's like somebody coming to us and saying every time I stick my hand in the blender my fingers get all cut up. Give me advice on how I can stick my hand in the blender safely...I'm not prepared to accept advice simply not to stick my hand in the blender. 

I'm not sure what advice anyone can give you. Unless he's prepared to make an effort to change he won't. If you're happiness depends on him changing I'm afraid you will be unhappy for a very long time.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

He swears that all the men I dated before were faking enjoyment when they did it. He almost has me convinced. Basically, I just want to know...is this normal?

Eh, no.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Wow ... why do you want to stay married??


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He's controlling. He will always expect you to chase and pursue. As long as you always give him what he wants, he'll continue tolerating you. Are you sure he's not cheating on you? 

To be honest, you can't just find some trick to regain his interest. I don't think he wants to change because this is working for him. Read about codependency. You're hoping for something from him, but he's unlikely to give it.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> therapists always tell me to leave him. I hate that we live in a culture where that is the easy answer. JUST LEAVE...as if I haven't dedicated all this time and energy to making something work with someone that I saw/see love and potential in.


You love his potential, not him. The trouble is that he's not interested in actualizing that potential. He doesn't want things to get better and his actions show it because he's putting in the minimal effort for the maximum gain. You're carrying the weight of this whole relationship and while you might want him to do his share, he only wants to be with you as long as you do it all. His actions indicate contempt, disrespect, and disregard for you. You're convenient to him, that's all. You can do better. You can choose to be with someone who actually wants to be with you for real. Don't tolerate this nonsense; leave him until and unless you see progress and change. If he doesn't want to change, he won't. You're enabling his behavior by trying to manipulate and wheedle him into change when he isn't doing so on his own. He may have a lot of potential, but he likes not using it....this is why it looks like it would be better to leave -- you can't fix this and you can't put up with it forever without falling apart.


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## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

I don't know why you married in the first place. It's time to go.


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## about2cross (Sep 8, 2012)

Divorce is not an option after weeks of marriage?
Something is missing here.

Was this an arranged marriage or something like that?
I can't understand why D wouldn't be an option.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

All the warning signs were there. You ignored them. You "stuck it out" as if you were going to get a prize? THIS is just ridiculous. Maybe he's cheating, maybe he's gay. 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Best to cut things now before children or more time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Diolay said:


> He swears that all the men I dated before were faking enjoyment when they did it. He almost has me convinced. Basically, I just want to know...is this normal?
> 
> Eh, no.


In my experience, it's not normal. While some guys will enjoy giving oral see more than others, I would say that most guys get some pleasure from giving their partners pleasure. Of course, the fact that you were faking it for years may be affecting him quite a bit... 

For me personally, I could accept a partner who wouldn't give me oral sex. But I could NOT accept a partner who wouldn't let me give it to her.

C


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MLee555 said:


> I actually work in mental health and have all the tools necessary to deal with this issue but can't for some reason. I have seen several therapists and asked him to join me. Of course, he says HELL NO. The therapists always tell me to leave him. *I hate that we live in a culture where that is the easy answer. JUST LEAVE...as if I haven't dedicated all this time and energy to making something work with someone that I saw/see love and potential in.*


You misunderstand what marriage is about. It's not about you being mistreated. This is the type of relationship where leaving is usually the only healthy option. 

He will only change if he wants to. 

If he is using porn daily to get off then of course he has no need for you sexually. He prefers porn and his hand over you. To be truthful, by you pushing him for sex, you are not respecting his desire to be asexual with you.

If you want a husband who will be sexual with you.. then go find one. What you did was to marry an apple and expect it to be an orange.

The easy availability of porn these days is causing this type of probelm to be pretty common. Men who do not want to have to deal with the sexual needs of women can get their sex without the woman.

What I have read is that it takes 3-6 months of no porn (ZERO) and no masterbation before a man who has this issue to start to want to have sex with a life woman on a regular basis. Then he has to deal with the issue that drove him to porn to start with.. often it's a dislike of women.. he finds touching you in some places unpleasant. Him giving up porn will not make him want to please you or touch you. It might make him want to use you and other women to use as tools to get off (masterbate in your body).



MLee555 said:


> I really just want perspective...honest to goodness perspective. What would you all think if the same was happening in your relationship. ?


The same did happen in my relationship. I divorced him after I realized that want he wanted was to play on-line and masterbate. He did not want a life woman.

And that was after we had 7 years of a very active, hot sex life. He just started using porn over time. Now he has no interest in sex with any woman... porn is better.



MLee555 said:


> After being with him for this long I've been conditioned by him to feel crazy and like it's my fault. He swears that men HATE giving women oral pleasure and only do it to get laid. He swears that all the men I dated before were faking enjoyment when they did it. He almost has me convinced. Basically, I just want to know...is this normal?


 
Your husband is an abusive person. Of course he's trying to make you feel crazy and like it's all you.

Have you put a key logger on his computer to find out what he's really doing on line? You might be shocked.

A man who enjoys women loves to give women pleasure in every way they can. Your husband does not really like women from what you have said.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

You sound like an ideal woman. Just ask around how many men would *love* their wives to dress up, initiate sex, be giving and confident.

Your husband, however, sounds like he has deep issues. He wants to *appear* to be a good guy but in reality he isn't.

Your description of the oral sex, with the mayo and the sexts arriving from another woman(which is being unfaithful btw) shows total disdain for you.

If he isn't cheating already, he will be soon.

He is fooling you and you are fooling yourself. I am so sorry that you are in this mess.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MLee555 said:


> How respulsive is that? And that was at the beginning of our relationship. He had just dragged me along to a lingerie party at his friends house. After it was over I'd planned a nice hotel/hot tub for he and I. First he wanted me to stop and get him food. So I get his food and at this point he is wasted and starts cussing throws his drink out of my jeep window. I should have left that night. He doesn't remember it so it didn't happen. And yes...there was mayo everywhere. It was AWFUL! Then he fell asleep as his phone buzzed with sexts from another girl.


He knew you had plans for the night... so he made sure that he was buzzed and threw a tantrum like a 2 year old to make sure he did not have to have sex with him..


And you stayed with him? Instead of worrying about what's worng with him.. you need to find out why you have stayed in this abusive relationship, before and after marriage. Why do you have so little self worth that you accept a man who does not want to have sex with you? who cheats? who prefers porn and his hand?

Look into co-dependency. It's characterized by a person being overly concerned about an other person and always trying to fix them... that way they do not have to pay attention to their own problems. 

This is what is sounds like you are doing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You are not what is best for him, you are fueling his flaws and helping him confirm that he is "in the right" being so disrespectful and treating you like a doormat.

If you truly love him, toughen up, and force him to grow up. This is one of the reasons I always say that you have to love yourself first before you can possibly love someone else fully.

Truth be told, if I was him, I would have no desire for you either. You give him no challenge, you beg him for intimacy, you have no self-respect as you deal with his abuse constantly, hell... hate to be mean but you're hurting yourself and robbing him from a life lesson that he himself MUST learn to grow up as a man.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> You are not what is best for him, you are fueling his flaws and helping him confirm that he is "in the right" being so disrespectful and treating you like a doormat.
> 
> If you truly love him, toughen up, and force him to grow up. This is one of the reasons I always say that you have to love yourself first before you can possibly love someone else fully.
> 
> Truth be told, if I was him, I would have no desire for you either. You give him no challenge, you beg him for intimacy, you have no self-respect as you deal with his abuse constantly, hell... hate to be mean but you're hurting yourself and robbing him from a life lesson that he himself MUST learn to grow up as a man.


I feel this comment is grossly unfair. Please do not take any notice. You sound like a fantastic woman doing everything she can to save your marriage.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> You are not what is best for him, you are fueling his flaws and helping him confirm that he is "in the right" being so disrespectful and treating you like a doormat.
> 
> If you truly love him, toughen up, and force him to grow up. This is one of the reasons I always say that you have to love yourself first before you can possibly love someone else fully.
> 
> Truth be told, if I was him, I would have no desire for you either. You give him no challenge, you beg him for intimacy, you have no self-respect as you deal with his abuse constantly, hell... hate to be mean but you're hurting yourself and robbing him from a life lesson that he himself MUST learn to grow up as a man.


Harsh but true.

He won't change unless you change.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

OP, as long as you continue to enable him by putting up with the bad in the hopes that his potential will materialize, you are playing the martyr and he is playing the monster. Beauty and the Beast doesn't work out in real life like this. You won't earn his love and respect by enduring his disdain and contempt, you will simply reinforce the idea in his head that you deserve it (which, by the way, you don't deserve because you seem like a devoted and caring spouse who is being taken advantage of). You might earn earn his love and respect and some self-love and self-respect by not giving in and forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions -- treat a woman like a plaything you don't treasure and she will leave! I know you don't see it right now, but you can't fix what's broken in him with your affection; only by letting him confront his own demons do you even stand a chance of seeing him change and even then he might not want you. You allowing him to treat you this way prevents him from getting better. Many of us have been in your shoes in some way (including myself). Don't coddle him. Tell him to man up and don't take him back if he doesn't. Otherwise, no matter how great you are and how cruel he is, you're both equally toxic to each other.

Look carefully at what Elegirl and RandomDude have said and think about it.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

wait

he lied and cheated on you before AND YOU STUCK AROUND?


I am sorry to say but you are getting what you are allowing to occur. Do you deserve this? I do not think so but you allow it to happen by staying in this relationship.


There are other people


LEAVE or else stay and remain unhappy. Which do you want?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

MLee555 said:


> relationship was riddled with him cheating and being verbally abusive


2 good reasons to divorce.


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## wodensworn (Sep 16, 2012)

dormant said:


> my concern is......Do you know he isn't gay?




I agree, he sounds gay to me.


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## wodensworn (Sep 16, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> I feel this comment is grossly unfair. Please do not take any notice. You sound like a fantastic woman doing everything she can to save your marriage.




I agree. He has some issues and needs to get over them.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

MLee555 said:


> I really need options and answers. How do I gain his interest? how do I get the point across to him that it's not fair that I pleasure him but he won't me...(he has made no secret of that fact that if I didn't pleasure him he would leave me). How do I show him that I'm not going anywhere...I've noticed that he's going through me emails and phone a lot lately. He thinks I'm CHEATING!!!


 He is going through your phone and email, probably because he is the one cheating (again)!

And just because you got married doesn't mean that the cheating and the ass-hat behavior is going to stop.

things are not going to get better, this is how it has been with him since the beginning of the relationship. I am sorry but there are really only 2 options. 1. deal with the way things are or 2. leave..


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