# HELP. Need advice



## redswan

Hello everyone, 
I want to start off my saying that me and my significant other have been together for about 3 years now. When we first met, there were stars flying, etc. When we started to become more serious, he posted about me more online. He plastered me all over his social media. When I found out that he was cheating on me a year later. He had been talking to a girl online, they were sending nudes, sexting, all that nonsense. He said he was sorry and he wasn’t going to do it again. I said okay and forgave him. The second time I found out, was when I caught him talking to other girls online and doing the same thing, AGAIN. I was utterly disappointed and so sad, because I trusted him to be honest and he let me down. We worked out all of that and things were good for about 6 months, then I started to feel unhappy with him. His infidelity had really hurt me, I was constantly thinking about it and it never went away. I ended up cheating on him because of what had happened. Long story short, he cheated on me back. I told him I was sorry for what I did and I thought he wanted to work it out to move on in a healthy way. I told him I wouldn’t do it ever again and I cut those people off. I had been with about 8 people, I had broken up with him and we weren’t planning on getting back together. That’s why I was with so many people, plus all of the fighting between me and him, it really put me in a rage. It made me make a lot of mistakes and my anger got out of control. We got back together after being separated for about a few months. We both agreed that we can come back together and be better people for each other. He asked me how many people I was with and I was honest. I shouldn’t have told him though, because it caused a lot of damage. Anyways, Little did I know, he had a side piece that he was constantly seeing. He had been seeing her for about a couple weeks to a month. About a couple months ago, I found out he had been cheating on me for a year with a girl that he met online. They met up, they did stuff, he took her on a couple trips with him while I was home alone, he saw her while he was at work.. During all of this cheating, I became pregnant with his child. My whole pregnancy was ruined because of his cheating. He took her across the Country while I was at home by myself, alone and pregnant at 9 months. He didn’t care to think of my feelings and how I would feel if I found out. At the very end of my pregnancy, him and I had gone to the hospital. He was supposed to be my main support person and I was so happy that he was there. I later found out he had been cheating me the whole time while I was in the hospital, I was there for 5 days... 
His reasons for cheating on me for a year was because he was unhappy, it’s because of what I did, also that it wasn’t his child. He thought it was another mans child because I went to go see my old friend. I never did anything else with that other man. I only saw the other man because I caught him hopping out of another woman’s car. He was also very abusive towards me, he would fight with me, accuse me of cheating, he would get physical with me too. 
I finally had the courage to end it with him and had to walk away. He hurt me really bad for what he did. I just want to hear what others have to say. Do you think that he’s right for cheating on me and it was okay for him to cheat on me back for what I did? 
I just don’t know if I can trust him ever again after what he did. He had planned to leave me before he found out I was pregnant with that other girl, so that just shows a lot. It’s just sad that the girl knew that whole time and she STILL stayed with him. It’s just sad that she was a stupid girl and how she hurt me a lot too. 
Thanks and I would like to hear what others have to say.


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## Trident

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. The two of you were PERFECT for each other.


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## redswan

Trident said:


> I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. The two of you were PERFECT for each other.


May I ask why you think so?


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## Trident

Sure you can.


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## ccpowerslave

This is the cheating version of the Barney theme song, “I cheat you, you cheat me, we’re as miserable as we can be! “


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## Sfort

redswan said:


> May I ask why you think so?


You're both cheaters. There's not a lot to say about one cheater being any more or less culpable than the other. A lot of people here have had their lives ruined by infidelity. It's unlikely you'll get any compassion from them, but they can speak for themselves. 

You two should not be together. You shouldn't be with him, he shouldn't be with you. The only person's future you can control is your own. Get your act together and move on. Life can be fun but it's not if you live it this way. Don't make it a life sentence. You can't change the past, but you can influence your future.


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## Openminded

Forget about the girl who hurt you. She’s the least of the problems in this.

The two of you don’t need to be together. Period. You both need to move on and never look back.


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## DownByTheRiver

Look you have to know when something just isn't working. He wasn't ready to be committed and then having lost your trust with him, you acted out as well. neither of you are ready to be committed at this time and certainly not to each other. Give it some time. Don't try to be committed with someone unless you really feel like you are committed in your mind and heart. I don't care who you slept with after he cheated on you personally. the part I don't get is why you stayed with him during that instead of just breaking it off and accepting reality.


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## TheGoodFather

At this point in time, my concern is the well being of your child. I would encourage you to train your focus on your child. Your child is worth your time and energy than your boyfriend. Both of you were irresponsible but if you can be more mature now than him, then it will be great not only for you for rising above your situation but for you child as well. Don't expect him to change overnight or at all. This life has a lot to offer far more than what your boyfriend can ever provide. Start looking far and wide. Connect with other people with diverse background and experience. Master something. Discover your passion. When you do, you will realize that you do not need your boyfriend to make you happy, or any man for that matter.


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## FlaviusMaximus

You're both habitual cheaters. I suppose if he were on this forum he'd be condemning your cheating while justifying his cheating - just like you are.
Cheating is either wrong or it isn't. It doesn't become right because someone did it to you first and any normal person can figure that out before their undies hit the floor.
All of that is immaterial though as you have a child who cannot be raised in an environment the two of you built. As the poster above says, focus on the child, maybe you can get that right and spare them the BS. A healthy, well-adjusted child, would be something you could be proud of.


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