# Uneasy feeling



## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Not sure what to do here. Here’s the 411:

Today while on Facebook, I noticed a “friend suggestion” that I had never seen before. It was suggesting that I add a mutual friend of my husband’s. It was a guy whose name I didn’t recognize, so I clicked his name to see his page. Of course I can’t see anything besides his picture, his name and his FB friends. My husband is his only friend. I checked my husband’s page and see lots of mentions of adding other people, but this name does not show up anywhere. You can choose to remove certain posts if you want – it would seem he has deleted the notification that he friended this guy (but not the dozens of others he friended). I started to get a strange feeling, one of those intuition, go-with-your-gut feeling that for me are usually something to listen to.

I am pretty savvy with technology and know a lot of little tricks. I did a google search on this guy’s name, and got NOTHING. I tried a few permutations of his name, possible nicknames, NOTHING. The guy in the photo appears to be mid-30s. I find this a little odd. My husband works in technology. Most of his FB friends and acquaintances are pretty tech-savvy, and if they aren’t, they are heavily into networking in their field. I would expect to find at least a couple mentions of their name. I mean, if you are on FB, you are into the tech thing somewhat and not having the name come up anywhere, AND the fact that my husband is his only FB friend, well, all this sends up a big red flag for me. 

I am suspecting that this person may be the woman he had an 18-month EA with, but is using a fake name to hide behind. Am I being paranoid? Maybe. My mind went to this possibility because in all honesty, it is something I might have cooked up myself, once upon a time. 

H claims he has had no contact with her since end of May. His cell records show that, but I have noticed that if a call goes to vmail, it does not show up on cell phone records. Go figure. And I don’t have access to his office phone line. Things have been going really really well with us and all things point to a much stronger marriage. So…I am not sure if he is still doing something behind my back, or if this is a test account he set up for some reason, or if he truly knows some guy named Drew Broodner who has no other friends on FB and doesn’t appear anywhere on the web.

Do I ask him who it is? Do I check his FB on his phone when I get a chance, see who he is, and _then _ask him about it? Or do I just forget I ever saw it and put it out of my mind?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You could friend the person yourself, too.

Since he had an affair and you are suspicious, it would only seem right that he'd open up his account to you. He's still rebuilding trust. It makes total sense that you'd worry and have lapses of trust after what he did. And he should acknowledge that it is reasonable for you to feel this way.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'll be honest. If I had the same gut feeling, I'd check his FB on his phone when I get a chance. The 'only 1 friend' thing does sound strange but would make sense for a 'fake account'...Do the initials D.B. match her name or anything in the name that is similar?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ask your hubby..."do you know this person?" See what the response is....


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Yeah, that strikes me as odd too. I would say ask him, but at the same time, he will not tell you if its the OW. I'd check his FB on his phone when you get a chance. It honestly sounds like the best option to get a real answer


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Yes, check first, ask later is probably the route I'll take. I'm afraid that if I ask first, I may not get an honest answer.

No, the initials don't match anything related to the OW. The thing is, he doesn't really use FB much, and most of the people on it are colleagues or folks in his networking groups. It just seems odd that this one appeared out of nowhere, although he's smart enough to not use any site I also use for something like this. Hell, he could be chatting all day on skype or IM'ing or have a secret email I don't know about, plus his work phone is something I cannot check. But I still get a weird feeling about this one.


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## TheMarriageManual (Jan 15, 2009)

Let it go! be the confident woman he fell in love with!


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

It appears to be a fake account he set up for himself for some reason. It has one of his emails attached to it. I'm going to ask him about it. Maybe it's his game-playing account so he can keep his regular one for work (though I don't know why, FB isn't really a work site).


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Update: I asked him who the person was, and he looked me in the eye and said, "he's a guy in my networking group." I paused, and then said, "Really??" and then he hesitated and said, "Well, no. I made the person up." He said he did it to add fake friends so he could play these Mafia Wars and Farkle games on FB. Seems more friends = more points or something. Then he said that he thought I was bothered by his playing these games and wanted to "hide" it behind these fake accounts.

We had a very long discussion and a few stare-downs about why he lied to me about this. I mean, WTF? This is the stupidest thing to lie about. I don't care if he's playing FB games - as long as he can get his work done. He owns his own company so there is no one (besides his clients) that he has to answer to. I was really upset that he would lie to me about something this minor, and we discussed how now I am not sure what else he may have lied about. 

I think we'll be okay, but I am still a little wary and he knows it.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

Get his password to his FB. give him yours, tell him you want to trust each other. If he says okay, you are possibly paranoid. If he says no, unfortunately you may be right.

Send this person a friend request and say hi. tell ( him ) FB suggested we become friends because you know my husband. There should be no reason for ( him ) to say no, after all you are his wife. If you get denied, I would approach your H and demand to know who this person is..


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Harvard said:


> Get his password to his FB. give him yours, tell him you want to trust each other. If he says okay, you are possibly paranoid. If he says no, unfortunately you may be right.
> 
> Send this person a friend request and say hi. tell ( him ) FB suggested we become friends because you know my husband. There should be no reason for ( him ) to say no, after all you are his wife. If you get denied, I would approach your H and demand to know who this person is..


No, I believe that he set the accounts up - I checked from his computer and the fake account has one of his emails as the contact, so I know it's him. He is not dumb enough to use a public place like FB, where he knows I have an account, to contact the OW, or likely anyone else. What is weird to me is that he felt he had to lie about setting the accounts up. (yes, accounts. He said that there was more than that one fake account.)


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

mommy22 said:


> So, are you convinced by his answer or do you still have the uneasy feeling that there's more to the story?


Yes, I am convinced of his answer, but I am pissed that he lied to my face about something so trivial.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

hiding things online is hiding things.

online or not.

and i can't believe your hub didn't get the message the first time around.

or maybe he did, just not the lesson you envisioned, which is, be more clever next time.

technology allows many ways to cipher anothers motives and behaviour.

but it's the visceral gut reaction that usually takes the day.


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