# This sucks



## foxtrot (May 13, 2010)

I apologize that my first post is about my awkward position...

Last night I found out that one thing that nobody wants to find out in a relationship, your partner is unfaithful. 

My GF has been with me two and a half years and as far as women go I considered her top notch. She's beautiful, funny, caring and honest (Mostly)
We have lived together our entire relationship. She has never done anything that would make me question her. Last night she went to visit her mother in the hospital, I was invited but being sick I thought it wasn't a good idea. At 10:00pm she text me that she was going to grab a beer with an old High school girl friend she had not seen in a while. I really didn't think anything of it and she said she was going to get one beer and would be home soon. at 12:30 I texted her and asked where she was. She replyed she was still at the bar. I asked her if she wanted me to come join her and she replied that after her beer she was coming home.

By this time I was getting a little suspicious as her behavior was not the norm. Then she text that she was going to stay at her moms place cause she was worried I was contagious. Now that would normally make sense but we have been kissing and cuddling and doing our normal routine all week so the sudden concern set off alarm bells. Normally I could have the Flu and it couldn't keep her away.

So I told her that was fine and then grabbed my truck keys to head over there and find out what was what first hand. As I walked up to her mom's condo I could see her sitting in the living room through the slatted blinds. I stopped and watched for a sec and started to convince myself I was paranoid when some guy walks into view and starts passionately kissing my girl. I was livid as I watched her not only accept his kiss but she then put her arms around his shoulders and went all out. I figured looking for the house key as I figured knocking was out of the question at this point.

I got the top lock undone and went to open the door but the bottom lock was locked! As I was trying to insert the key she opened the door. "Hey babe what are you doing here?" she asked as she tried to play innocent. I brought her outside and tore her a new %^&*(*))) then stormed in the house to find it empty. I haven't had that much adrenaline pumping through me in ages but I kept a level head and asked the guy to come out. She told him that I knew and to come out and out steps this douchbag we met at the bar a few weekends prior. A kid that gave her a ride on his Harley and ended up doing 135Mph with her on the back and me giving chase. After that I told her I didn't want anything to do with the guy and she agreed he was stupid and she should have never ridden on his Harley after we have all been drinking. Apparently not stupid enough!

So out steps this 200 pound kid and I just eyeballed him. He said he should just leave and I agreed in the most violent of terms that that would be a grand idea. He didn't hesitate. My Girlfriend just sat there knowing full well that she was caught in the act. I began to ask her questions. He text and wanted to hang out, I agreed to meet him for a drink, I did not plan this it just happened and finally after hours of talking I got an apology although to be honest it felt a bit hollow. 

So now I am in this awkward situation. My heart says I love her, My brain says throw her out. She says she doesn't know what she wants and that she was not really happy.

It sucks, I feel like I am losing not only my partner but my best friend. 2 and a half years and headed for marriage all wasted. She still lives with me although we both agree that that may change real soon, Like today or tomorrow.

It just sucks when life is going so good and wham its a **** sandwich and you have to take a bite.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Wow this is just crazy! I know what you are feeling to. I had that numb pumping crazy emotions. And I dont ever want to feel that again. I think that at this point you should back off if she doesnt know what she wants let her figure it out. As hard as that is to say you dont want to force her to stay it will only get worst. My husband broke down and told me this a year after I found out what he did and I just sat down in shock and told him ok. At first I was bawling and said no we cant but then thought about if I did force him to stay how it would turn out for us and our kids. Then he had a change of heart.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

You aren't married - you don't have kids - MOVE ON!


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

People usually cheat because they are not getting their needs met in their relationship. Have you looked into what was going wrong in yours?


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Probably not the first time you got played by her.

That complicated ruse to get you to think she was visiting her sick mother? Nice.

I'm sure she visited her, but mainly to make sure she would not be coming home so she could bang the guy at mom's.

Double nice.

Thank your lucky stars that you found out what kind of "lady" your GF is before marriage and kids.

That whole persona that you thought you knew? Totally faked up for your benefit.

Dump her.


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

YOU WILL NEVER GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!

sorry dude...time to dump the *****...at least you're not married or have kids...make sure you let her see you with another female though.


----------



## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

turnera said:


> People usually cheat because they are not getting their needs met in their relationship. Have you looked into what was going wrong in yours?


I thought we got over the "blame the victim" mentality here. He can NEVER be that exciting, new tongue down her throat. If that's what she wants, she'll have to get it in another relationship. Not married? No kids? She's gone.


----------



## foxtrot (May 13, 2010)

Thanks guys for the replies and for the support.

Well we are kind of in a holding pattern at this point. She acts one way and says another. I am strong enough to let her go that is definitely not the issue.
She is very open about what happened to lead up to that event. He pursued her aggressively all the while playing the "caring nice guy" role. Not to say that she is not without fault, cause in my book I am dating her not him so she bears 100% of my blame. The trust issue is the hardest part of this because before that night she had more trust than any woman ever and she worked hard to earn that trust. She was never deceitful or sneaky and in fact that what got her caught was her poor deception skills. She should have known that I would have figured it out and quick.

I asked her what if I told you to come home during our text conversation. She said that she would have. I do believe her. She was not intoxicated and had 3 beers over the space of 10:20 P.M. and 12:40 A.M. which he so kindly bought her.

She is very open about the events and didn't even try to deny that sex was what they were leading into before I came crashing into their party.

But like I said the trust is destroyed. Now I am wondering if she's Really at work tonight? Are they texting each other all night?

I talked to her last night while she was at work and she did admit that she had talked to him. She said he wanted to know what happened after I showed up and he left.



turnera said:


> People usually cheat because they are not getting their needs met in their relationship. Have you looked into what was going wrong in yours?


She says that she's unhappy with our economic situation (I am currently unemployed for last one month) while she is working. It is not my fault that I am unemployed, and I have already applied for a few positions. I supported her financially and morally when she was in her last year of graduation. But I can understand her worry about a steady paycheck vs Lots of money followed by no money. Heck, I cooked, washed and cleaned while she was preparing for exams.

Anyways I digress. The point is that I do love her but I don't trust her.
I am willing to work things out but it takes two to tango. The balls in her court.

The last issue I have and this could be the ball buster is this guy. I have zero idea what his intent is. Is he done or is the challenge making him want to chase after her harder. I don't know where she is at on him either.

But I will get it resolved quickly because if I feel that she is still being deceitful he can have her. To hell with that!


Edit: By the way, I got call from IBM. Got my interview tomorrow.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Read through some of the other sections around here - like the ones regarding divorce and separation. Think about if this had happened to you after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids. Read about how difficult it is to cut ties with the mother/father of your kids, to have to sell a home, divide property, deal with attorneys, negotiate visitation, etc., etc., etc., etc.

Just let her go.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

nice777guy said:


> Read through some of the other sections around here - like the ones regarding divorce and separation. Think about if this had happened to you after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids. Read about how difficult it is to cut ties with the mother/father of your kids, to have to sell a home, divide property, deal with attorneys, negotiate visitation, etc., etc., etc., etc.
> 
> Just let her go.


:iagree:

Nice job of putting it into perspective N7. Also it is possible it has happened before she just got caught this time. If it were me, I'd bail.


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Wouldn't it be nice to just bail with no emotional attachment after 17yrs of marriage and 2 daughters 9 and 11...that would be awesome...and I agree Amp...she got caught THIS TIME.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

foxtrot said:


> She says that she's unhappy with our economic situation (I am currently unemployed for last one month) while she is working.


Wow, one month unemployed so she's gotta go find some strange?

Don't let the door hit her on the way out sir.

Very telling that she is not into you for the long haul.

BTW, good luck with your job interview at IBM!


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

btw...one last thing...I'm not trying to come across as cold. I'm sure this hurts and I'm sorry you are having to go through it. Also I'm not meaning to imply that moving on should be easy emotionally just because you aren't married. Its just that marriage and children will make this a completely different set of very complicated circumstances that you won't be dealing with if you walk away now.


----------



## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

You are slipping into the justification stage... you are in a "holding patter". The only pattern you should be in is the path leading her things out of your place and your life. Its hard to hear bc you want to justify your time spent together as not a waste... but Im sorry to say that its over, it probably wasnt her first time (even though you think she got caught this one time bc of her lack of deception skills.... denial is blinding isnt it?)

You need to step away fom her now and see the relationship for what it is... you think you are paranoid now wondering where she is? Think about getting married and her taking s job where she travels for work... waht kind of panic do you think you will have then? It will only get worse.. You are young and not married, nothing to salvage here. {HUGS} bc you need them.


----------



## Mrs. B (May 13, 2010)

That does suck. Sorry to hear dude. But yea, if you realy dont feal like you can trust her any more, why continue the relationship, especialy if your not married? Courting is kind of like a job interview I think. I dont think she qualifys for the job as your wife.

Good luck with your job interview though! Hope it all works out.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Like everyone else is telling you......Dump her. You're not married. She lied to you. And was totally planning sex with this guy. Probably would have given him oral then come home and kissed you, laughing under her breath. She says " I don't know what I want" Tell her that you know what you don't want....Her.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

whynot said:


> You need to step away fom her now and see the relationship for what it is... you think you are paranoid now wondering where she is? Think about getting married and her taking s job where she travels for work... waht kind of panic do you think you will have then? It will only get worse


:rofl: Pot - Kettle - Pot - Kettle

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/13094-extramarital-affair-still-going-strong.html


----------



## foxtrot (May 13, 2010)

Final update to this story. She packed up and is gone..
I caught her in her final lie. I asked her if she was talking to him, She said no. I found a text in her phone that she sent at work last night at 3:00 am to him asking if he was still awake or if he had fallen asleep on her. She deleted all other corresponding texts with him. I told her that all trust is shot and that it would be good if she moved out. We talked a bit and asked her (being polite) if this was what she really wanted. She was crying and couldn't give me an answer. Anyway, after all the sobbing we went to the corner bar and had a few beers and chatted.

After words I walked her to her car, she broke down and started hugging me nut I pushed her away and told her I had to go. She begged me to stay but whats done is done and I figured why hang around in a miserable moment. 

I am not really bitter at her, just hurt.  Now, I need to tell hers mother about why I left her daughter. She is a nice lady, she always respected me and my support for her daughter emotionally and financially. However, I have no idea how to tell her about her daughter's cheating. She'll be devastated. 

Oh! My interview was great, and I am going to start work on Monday :smthumbup:

Thanks guys for all your support. :toast:


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Congratulations on your job!

Sorry about the girl, but above all, do NOT lie to her mother. If anyone can teach her to start having morals, it'll be her mother.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Congrats on the new job and getting rid of some unneeded baggage!!! That's a pretty good week!


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I am really sorry. I know it SUCKS! But you made the right choice. She will only make you unhappy. 

For me, if his affair happened before our kids and even if we were married, I would have walked. End of story. I don't mean I'm staying married for the kids but when I felt things weren't right, I wanted to get in the car and just drive. Be done with it. But I wouldn't leave my kids. 

You need your friends around you now, go out with them. Hang out, do something fun and get her out of your head. She screwed up, not you so get out and have some fun! Its sucks right now but every day will get easier.


----------



## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

friend

who cheat once will cheat twice, and may be she went physical with him and you dont know. imagine what she would do after getting married and having kids? if now she thinks she is not happy when you are both are singles with no kids. 

your only path is to let her go, and find some trash to make out with, you are better than this. I was in same shoe, i dumped GF and moved on. 

if you didn't catch her at the moment she would have slept with him, she will always think down the road how would that felt until she does it. 

set with yourself, and imagine her doing the same thing if you guys were married and have kids. 

I'm sorry to say that man, but how would you kiss her again and you know for fact that some random trash guy from a bar sucked her lips.


----------



## WifesPet (Mar 26, 2011)

It is so **** easy to lie using those *** text-ing devices. If she had to explain by phone, her guilt may have prevented her this time. But eventually, they get good a lying using phones too.


----------



## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

I wouldn't marry a liar. It only gets worse from here. You can find a better match. Maybe she'll be happier with some ********* and you certainly will be wiser next time on the woman you pick out.


----------

