# can it ever work ?



## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I know there is more to life and marriage apart from sex /making love .. i understand that a good marriage has high points as well as low point and it can make relationships stronger if you work through the difficulties together , but what if you sex life is so miss matched that it causes problems but he doesnt want to work on making things better because hes satified ... would you withdraw sex altogether until he talked ? 

Is it possibly that he could be so comfortable that he doesnt want to change anything ? 
why cant i understand that 3/4 a weeks ok for him when i want to be intimate with him more .
what iwant to know is how can i get him to talk rather then walking away ?


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I say walk away what i mean is that if i ask him to talk he says he hasnt got a problem !! and that he is happy when i tell him im not he shruggs his shoulders .


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

What is troubling you more 

the fact he wont talk about the fact your unsatisfied ?

Or struggling to cope with your own addiction ?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You have to deal with other areas of your life first before you put this all onto his shoulders.

Your life is severely lacking in purpose so everything is about him and that's not fair. Get a job. Take some courses. Volunteer. Get a life and maybe your need for so much from him will lessen.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

katie jane said:


> but what if you sex life is so miss matched that it causes problems but he doesnt want to work on making things better because hes satified ... would you withdraw sex altogether until he talked ?


that pretty much sums up my sex life. i used to try and get him to work on the problem, because i saw it as his problem. well, guess what? its MY problem. 

if your H is ok with things, and you're not, then you are the only one that can fix things. your H isnt going to change if he's comfortable. if you try and get him to change he will resent you, you'll have sex less, and you'll resent him even more. 

im trying to deal with less sex, and it seems to be working at the moment. but i think what has helped more is that i think my h does love me, even if he's not necessarily attracted to me. i might feel rejected physically but on a lot of levels i dont feel rejected emotionally anymore, which helps.

ive also absolutely killed my sex drive. that, of course, helps a lot. i used to want it every day, maybe twice a day. now, im fine with it being on the weekends. dont get me wrong, sometimes i do still get frustrated and angry, but it passes and i move on.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

My husband wont talk about me going back to work he said its not up for disscussion !! 
I can enroll on some courses after christmas in Jan so i still have some time on my hands 
Im not trying to put everything on his shoulders i just get frustrated .
Its not just sex its emotional levels to ....i just want him to be there ..

If it was him who wanted more sex im sure it would become a bigger issue


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I didn't realize that when you got married he owned you. 

You need to put YOUR foot down and do what is best for yourself and the marriage. If you do not, I guarantee you'll cheat on him at some point. 

Beyond that, you need to mature up.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

it was something he asked of me before we got married , it wasnt something he just threw in there . 
I have his son 2 days a week  time that i love and enjoy . 
in which ways do i need to mature up ? 
Im doing my best and ive not gone online to satisfy myself .
Its hard talking to him when he just walks away


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You discussed something when you had no idea what you were agreeing to. Marriage is a constant renegotiation as conditions and the individuals who make up the marriage change. 

You need to stop making this about sex and realize that there is a bigger picture. And, you need to have your own LIFE so he doesn't have this all put on him. 

Are you his daughter? His slave? Or are you an equal? You seem like a daughter to me. You look to daddy for everything. That's not goign to work in the long run.

Realize it and change the situation whether he is ready to deal or not. He will go along over time.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I am his equal and stepmother to his son .
I probably do seek his aproval for most things , but mainly because i love him and want him to be happy to ,

there is a much bigger picture i know that ive issues i need to deal with maube im trying to hard to make things perfect for him and his son and forgetting im a person to ..

i dont know where to start


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Start by just doing it. "it" being what makes you happy without harming him.

It doesn't harm him for you to introduce joy into your life, nor does it harm him to take up constructive things of value.

If his response is to end the marriage, then that gives you a clue as to what he values more than your happiness.

If his response is to relent and you get joy and to be constructive, then there is growth and happiness.

Courage.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Thank you


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I already told you one way to get more sex...


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I dont know how i could even bring semen retention up with him , he refuses to talk he said he is happy with our love life and our marriage .
And i not sure id want him not to climax


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

katie jane said:


> And i not sure id want him not to climax


Before I started semen retention, I only wanted sex 4 times a week MAX. Now I am wanting it 7 times a week MIN.

Ask humpty dumpty, she got trev into it!


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

well worth it katie , ill get her to pm you


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

thanks be good to talk to her


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

YAY !!!! thanks so much humpty , gonna give a few of those things ago xxx feeling a lot more positive xx


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

keep in touch ! enjoyed talking to you and good luck ....


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

katie jane said:


> YAY !!!! thanks so much humpty , gonna give a few of those things ago xxx feeling a lot more positive xx


Don't forget to keep me posted too


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

My husband has been away on a stag weekend , was so good to hear him call to say i cant wait to drag you into bed tonight !!! yay !! think this semen retention might work !!!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

sounds like you have a evening planned  have fun and enjoy  
just PM you


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Humpty , used a few off your tips !! 
yay !! feel like im on the same page at last just need to keep him there !


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