# Are you friends with any known cheaters?



## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

I am. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with it when I'm not around them and think about it. 

One of them is my best friend of 36 years. He got married at 23. Divorced at 25 bc she cheated on him. Destroyed him it seems, as he got married again a few years later and became a serial cheater. Wife would always bust him. She finally divorced hin. Has a serious gf that he cheated on for a few years, but now he has finally stopped. I had shamed him several times during the cheating but to no avail. 

Brother-In-Law has cheated on every girl he's been with. I see him at family get togethers. He's nice to me, to our girls. Polite, funny. He says he regrets cheating the first time he did it, but that's all. 

Very good friend's ex-W. We visit her from time to time bc my wife likes her and our kids are friends, although most are grown now. She cheated on my buddy with a student of hers while he worked out of state for about a year. She has talked to me about it many times. Getting caught and the resulting D destroyed her. He's crazy rich and remarried. She goes to work and the grocery store. That's it. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. But only when I'm around her. 

I sometimes feel that I should cut all 3 of them out of my life. But I guess I'm just an old softy.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have 3 sets of friends who are fostering happy, 20+ year marriages.

All started as affairs while they were married previously.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Nope.
Nor would I ever knowingly do so.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm friends with a few reformed cheaters.

If I know someone is cheating, I cut them out after confronting them if they don't reform.

I ended a friendship with a guy that was closer to me than a brother because I caught him cheating.

He initially confessed to his wife and started to reconcile.

She was devastated but was trying to make it work because they had 4 kids.

I found out he was doing a false R and he and I were through.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Deejo said:


> I have 3 sets of friends who are fostering happy, 20+ year marriages.
> 
> All started as affairs while they were married previously.




That's too bad that they started that way.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I have a couple of friends who cheated in the past and repented. Because I am also a sinner with imperfections, I understand that people can change.

It is part of being healthy.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

notmyrealname4 said:


> That's too bad that they started that way.


Nothing remains static. Particularly when it comes to relationships. I don't see it as "too bad" at all. Each one of them ended their marriage, and in turn married the partner that was better suited to them.

My ex-wife and I had a great marriage at one point. And then it slid into a REALLY lousy marriage. I was wildly unhappy. I moved out. She was terrified, felt, hopeless, lost and abandoned. So ... she started up a new relationship and chose to lie to me about it ... so I consistently state that my ex cheated. (Do keep in mind that is an incredibly terse summary)

But that event well over a decade ago, does not define our relationship now, or frame the lens through which I view my ex-wife now.

I wouldn't argue that cheating is a bad choice.

But I don't adhere to the belief that all cheating is equivalent. Or that having cheated means you wear that figurative scarlet letter for the remainder of your life. We have folks here that have made a singular, incredibly bad decision while on a night out and then come clean to the consequences, to cases of infidelity that have gone on for a decade, while the betrayed spouse knew nothing about it. 

Frankly, the people I feel bad for, are the ones who CAN'T let go of infidelity and move on, either with the wayward who they choose to remain committed to, or a new partner.

I'd state that everybody knows a cheater ... whether they are aware of it or not. They don't look, or act terribly different than non-cheaters.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Got to tell you, while I have been on both sides... I don't...

I would not be friends with any active cheaters at all. I just don't want to be around that vibe. 

Now reformed is different, for me.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Deejo said:


> I'd state that everybody knows a cheater ... whether they are aware of it or not. They don't look, or act terribly different than non-cheaters.


Which is why, I suspect, the OP specified "known cheaters" in the thread title. 

Personally, I don't think they're all that hard to spot. There's a fundamental underlying difference which is likely to manifest in other ways. Sure, some may be real good at hiding it, but for the most part, anyone with that crooked a moral compass will show other symptoms.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I have 3 sets of friends who are fostering happy, 20+ year marriages.
> 
> 
> 
> All started as affairs while they were married previously.



Wow, that’s weird, I have the exact opposite experience with folks I know that did this. 

Any commonality with these folks?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Marduk said:


> Wow, that’s weird, I have the exact opposite experience with folks I know that did this.
> 
> Any commonality with these folks?


All married young-ish ... no kids in any of them.

One was a classic example of the woman fell in love with my charming, rogue, friend ... yet once married, fully and absolutely expected him to change. Was sad to watch. At the point the marriage ended, and the affair began, he was pretty much out of the house.

Second was over kids. He didn't want them. She did. Life can be cruel. He remarried and then had 4 within 7 years. She remarried, found out she had a tipped uterus, and her husband had no swimmers.

Third was just a bad combination. My friends wife bent over backwards trying to make her former marriage work. And then decided if he didn't care, neither did she. He wasn't surprised or disappointed by the divorce and never knew about the affair. 

All good people ... I've known them for decades. Sometimes good people make bad decisions. Sometimes those bad decisions work out. As I said, I don't advocate infidelity or make light of it, but all 3 are and have been solid marriages, with no further 'cheating'.

I've stated previously, my wife has been married 3 times previously. Infidelity on her part was never a factor. Had it been ... our circumstances may be very different.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I have had friends who cheated and repented, but these were one time things. People make mistakes and deserve second chances. 

I couldn't be friends with serial cheaters or people who have had long term double lives. First of I am convinced that you can't trust anyone who had no honor, and beside that I tend to not hang out with low class people. I believe you judge people on their actions, especially how they treat others. Ones who repeatedly cause others pain are vile.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't know of any active cheaters in my life, but I think that if I did our involvement would much depend on the circumstances.

I absolutely do not see all cheaters in the same light. I know someone casually....a friend of a friend type thing, who had a long term affair. Is it right? No, but the rumor mill is that her husband won't touch her and is probably gay. Yeah she should leave him, but they're big in the church, have kids, and both families are ultra-religious. He knows about her affair but is terrified to get divorced and being exposed for who he is. I don't pretend to understand but neither one is prepared to leave the marriage (and he may have done some cheating as well). He seems to be an otherwise ok guy in that he doesn't treat her poorly....he just doesn't touch her.

This is far different from an entitled serial cheater with a good spouse.

I know several other friends who have dealt with infidelity in their marriages; to my knowledge the spouse knows in all cases and they made the decision to remain together. A very close friend of mine cheated on her husband; it sounds terrible until you find out that he'd actually suggested opening the marriage and she never got over that. Of course when he realized it was easier for her to get action it became a problem. They've moved past this and now have a pretty good marriage. I counseled her a lot once he found out; I told her that she should apologize but she also needed to make clear to him that he resented him wanting to **** other women with her approval. I really like her husband and think he exercised poor judgement, but is otherwise a great guy and I'm happy they were able to get past it. Tbh I'm not ever sure it counts as cheating since he suggested the open marriage, but she did do it behind his back. IMO he brought that on himself.

So you never know what's going on in peoples' marriages.

Someone who was actively cheating and treating their spouse like crap would be gone from my life...particularly if they are actively lying about it.

But as as been pointed out, people make mistakes and nobody is beyond redemption if they get their stuff together.

Frankly, I know there are those here who think cheating is the worst possible thing you can do to someone, but I think the the way my ex treated me was far worse then the fact that he likely had a long term EA (don't know if it was PA) our entire relationship with an ex gf. Yeah it was crappy but throwing me under the bus for 13 years so he did't have to face any kind of conflict was far worse. Just my humble experience.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't know of any active cheaters in my life, but I think that if I did our involvement would much depend on the circumstances.
> 
> 
> I know several other friends who have dealt with infidelity in their marriages; to my knowledge the spouse knows in all cases and they made the decision to remain together. A very close friend of mine cheated on her husband; it sounds terrible until you find out that he'd actually suggested opening the marriage and she never got over that. Of course when he realized it was easier for her to get action it became a problem. They've moved past this and now have a pretty good marriage. I counseled her a lot once he found out; I told her that she should apologize but she also needed to make clear to him that he resented him wanting to **** other women with her approval. I really like her husband and think he exercised poor judgement, but is otherwise a great guy and I'm happy they were able to get past it. Tbh I'm not ever sure it counts as cheating since he suggested the open marriage, but she did do it behind his back. IMO he brought that on himself.


She was right to get mad at her BH for wanting an open marriage.

He was wrong to ask for an open marriage.

She was wrong to cheat behind his back. 

Being the WW got mad I and cheated I assumed she did not agree to an open marriage, is
that correct?

How many OM, how many times, for how long did she cheat?

Did her BH find out the full truth?

Did this BH ever get to take advantage of the marriage being open?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Known cheaters?

I'll check the post office, but I don't think so. 

lol


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

oldtruck said:


> She was right to get mad at her BH for wanting an open marriage.
> 
> He was wrong to ask for an open marriage.
> 
> ...



One guy, a few rounds of oral.

Yes, he does have the full truth. She and I spoke at length and I've known her a long time....she has never been a liar and shared many things that were going through her head with me. Also, I found out later that he was bugging her phone and listening to our discussions, so if she'd admitted anything to me she hadn't admitted to him he'd know anyway. So he also knows everything I told her and I'm ok with that.....plus he still likes me so he must be ok with what I said. And I did tell her that if bugging her phone made him feel better he was entitled to it for a reasonable amount of time....she agreed.

She told him....he didn't have to find out.

To my knowledge he did not take advantage of it; he's a smart guy and I think came to the conclusion that enough damage had been done.

To my knowledge she hasn't cheated since. I suppose it's possible that she wouldn't tell me but we are quite close and she shares a lot with me. 

And I've seen her in person a number of times since so she has had opportunities to tell me things without worrying about him bugging her phone. But I don't think he does anymore as they're in a good place.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I married a reformed cheater and she loves me more than anyone besides Jesus ever has.

Mrs. C was the OW twice and cheated on her first and second husbands.

There were circumstances. Sometimes life isn't rosey.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> One guy, a few rounds of oral.
> 
> Yes, he does have the full truth. She and I spoke at length and I've known her a long time....she has never been a liar and shared many things that were going through her head with me. Also, I found out later that he was bugging her phone and listening to our discussions, so if she'd admitted anything to me she hadn't admitted to him he'd know anyway. So he also knows everything I told her and I'm ok with that.....plus he still likes me so he must be ok with what I said. And I did tell her that if bugging her phone made him feel better he was entitled to it for a reasonable amount of time....she agreed.
> 
> ...


Reality is stranger than fiction....


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I do know someone but she had what she considered an exit affair (one time thing actually) and told her H that she was leaving him for this other guy. H convinced her to stay, and they have been together since.
I only recently found out about this, and it happened WELL before we got to know her. I certainly don't get to hold it against her, but certainly didn't raise my opinion of her character either.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Certainly not knowingly!

But some TAM friends have been rather instrumental in making me a tad more receptive to the plight of the remorseful cheater, who may have been a party to some extenuating circumstances in their previously sordid behavior! *


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Reality is stranger than fiction....


It's not even the strangest circumstances I've seen.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> One guy, a few rounds of oral.
> 
> Yes, he does have the full truth. She and I spoke at length and I've known her a long time....she has never been a liar and shared many things that were going through her head with me. Also, I found out later that he was bugging her phone and listening to our discussions, so if she'd admitted anything to me she hadn't admitted to him he'd know anyway. So he also knows everything I told her and I'm ok with that.....plus he still likes me so he must be ok with what I said. And I did tell her that if bugging her phone made him feel better he was entitled to it for a reasonable amount of time....she agreed.
> 
> ...


This BH has to feel he is the worlds biggest fool.

He declares open marriage.
His WW has an RA before he can become an WH.
Then the marriage got closed again.

Another example of an open marriage not working.


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## Sauvie Island (Jul 4, 2018)

Jettison your friend for cheating like an island of trash? 
Treat them like they have an incurable, contagious disease?

They are better off without your 'friendship'.

P.S.
there's a 100% chance 50% of your friends have cheated.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Sauvie Island said:


> Jettison your friend for cheating like an island of trash?
> Treat them like they have an incurable, contagious disease?
> 
> They are better off without your 'friendship'.
> ...


Bull. 

Maybe your friends, but not mine. My friend picker is good enough that my anecdotal sample size does not have the same characteristics as the population at large.

And if one of my friends is a cheater, then he's really no friend to begin with, so there's no friendship to jettison.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

None that I know of. Used to have a best friend from school that brought a date to his first wedding. Not long after we drifted apart, mostly because he is a selfish a-hole more so than being a cheater. W has a friend who is a reformed cheater.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Cheating on your SO, much less bragging about it to your buddies, is douchey and shady behavior. Not something I look for in close friends, with whom I might dabble in nefarious and/or risky situations.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I had a former friend who was cheated on by her husband when she was pregnant with twins. (With her best friend who was a lesbian and who was living with her long term female lover was was as devastated as my former friend was by the cheating. The husband and his AP ran away together and got married.

However, whilst my former friend was in hospital giving birth by cesarean section she started an affair with the husband of the woman in the next bed who had befriended her as she felt sympathy for her. In fact, by making her husband help my former friend by moving furniture at her house she was unwittingly facilitating the affair.

I could not get my head round the idea that whilst my former friend had been devastated by her husband's affair (I met my former friend through her husband as we were at college together) she felt no guilt in having an affair with the husband of a woman who had shown her nothing but kindness when they met in the maternity hospital.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> I could not get my head round the idea that whilst my former friend had been devastated by her husband's affair (I met my former friend through her husband as we were at college together) she felt no guilt in having an affair with the husband of a woman who had shown her nothing but kindness when they met in the maternity hospital.


I guess she subscribes to the do unto others as has been done unto you theory of life? Wow. 

I don't know of anyone who admits to cheating. I suspect my friend/neighbor cheats on his wife based on certain things he has said over the years. She appears to be asexual. She'll have sex with him only when she wants something from him...new car, shopping trip, etc. Once when he was super drunk he said something about how he has to weigh the risk of getting caught against the hotness of the chick at the bar. Of course, that could just be drunken boasting. It is my belief that the minute their daughter heads of to college he's going to ask for a divorce. Can't really blame the guy...he constantly feels like she doesn't love him.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

One of my friends cheated on her now ex-husband with me, way back when I was divorced and wasn't with anyone at the time. It was one instance, Her husband had started hitting her at the time and was in the lock up for it. Her best friend called me to come over and I spent the night with her.

I hadn't seen her for several months, so it was a surprise to get the call. We spent most of the night talking in her bedroom, yet we did play for a bit as well. Although I agreed to being used by her to do exactly that, I didn't want it to turn it into something greater. So we ended that side of things in the morning.

To this day I still hold her in high regard and although she now lives far away, we still occasionally keep in touch. While my wife and I also attended her second wedding, a few short years after ours and have enjoyed staying at her place with her terrific husband and kids as well.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The H of one of my very dearest friends is a cheater. I had strong suspicions for literally decades and approached her about it a few times, but she couldn't fathom the possibility. Until she had the proof staring her in the face.

She is trying to R, so I see her WH whenever I see her. It's hard. I have little respect for him. I kind of pity him. He begged her not to leave him after 2+ decades of betrayal. She's older and terrified of the financial options that could be left to her if she divorced.

It's difficult. When you know the people, it's often not a black-white thing.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

oldtruck said:


> This BH has to feel he is the worlds biggest fool.
> 
> He declares open marriage.
> His WW has an RA before he can become an WH.
> ...


I do think he regrets bringing it up, but mainly because of the damage to did to their bond.

I'm not entirely sure he's technically a bh.....anyone asking for an open marriage is clearly ok with their spouse being with others.

But yeah....I've known several couples that have at least broached the topic and it never worked out well.

I know it can and there are a few posters here that have had it work out ok, but I don't think that's the norm.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Years ago my X and I were neighbors with a couple who invited us to swing, but we declined. They were active in the lifestyle and ended up swinging regularly with another couple who lived just a few streets over from us. One day I see the husband in his yard and I stop by to chat, and he has this lost puppy look on his face. I asked him if he was okay, and it turned out his wife fell in love with the husband of the couple they were swinging with... and they ran off together. This guy was so proud of living the lifestyle. He and his ex-wife were so adamant that their swinging helped to strengthen their marriage. Oh well. He sold their house and moved away just a few months afterwards. I guess they divorced. 

I am currently have to co-workers who are actively engaged in an affair. Both are married. She is a curvy Latina in her late 30s, and he is a VP and is in his early 50s. They try so hard to hide it but everybody can see they are boinking. It's not hard to tell. 

I don't have any friends who are actively cheating, but my best friend back in Arizona did have a brief fling with a gal while he and his wife were separated. They got back together despite his wandering, but she took him back anyways. The separation had been her idea, and I have often wondered if she had been cheating herself.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Years ago my X and I were neighbors with a couple who invited us to swing, but we declined. They were active in the lifestyle and ended up swinging regularly with another couple who lived just a few streets over from us. One day I see the husband in his yard and I stop by to chat, and he has this lost puppy look on his face. I asked him if he was okay, and it turned out his wife fell in love with the husband of the couple they were swinging with... and they ran off together. This guy was so proud of living the lifestyle. He and his ex-wife were so adamant that their swinging helped to strengthen their marriage. Oh well. He sold their house and moved away just a few months afterwards. I guess they divorced.
> 
> I am currently have to co-workers who are actively engaged in an affair. Both are married. She is a curvy Latina in her late 30s, and he is a VP and is in his early 50s. They try so hard to hide it but everybody can see they are boinking. It's not hard to tell.
> 
> I don't have any friends who are actively cheating, but my best friend back in Arizona did have a brief fling with a gal while he and his wife were separated. They got back together despite his wandering, but she took him back anyways. The separation had been her idea, and I have often wondered if she had been cheating herself.


The workplace ones always seem obvious to coworkers no matter how hard they try to hide and sneak around.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

bandit.45 said:


> Years ago my X and I were neighbors with a couple who invited us to swing, but we declined. They were active in the lifestyle and ended up swinging regularly with another couple who lived just a few streets over from us. One day I see the husband in his yard and I stop by to chat, and he has this lost puppy look on his face. I asked him if he was okay, and it turned out his wife fell in love with the husband of the couple they were swinging with... and they ran off together. This guy was so proud of living the lifestyle. He and his ex-wife were so adamant that their swinging helped to strengthen their marriage. Oh well. He sold their house and moved away just a few months afterwards. I guess they divorced.
> 
> I am currently have to co-workers who are actively engaged in an affair. Both are married. She is a curvy Latina in her late 30s, and he is a VP and is in his early 50s. They try so hard to hide it but everybody can see they are boinking. It's not hard to tell.
> 
> I don't have any friends who are actively cheating, but my best friend back in Arizona did have a brief fling with a gal while he and his wife were separated. They got back together despite his wandering, but she took him back anyways. The separation had been her idea, and I have often wondered if she had been cheating herself.


I have seen too many WW's pull the separation ploy to get their BH out of the way
so they can take her AP for a real good test ride.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I was friends with a guy I went to school with. We used to have lunch every so often and got along pretty well. Then one day he told me his wife was divorcing him because he cheated. He had a daughter. It just seemed to come out of nowhere, because he was a responsible career-oriented guy. It seemed so flaky. He ended up staying married in the end. But he's called me to go out to lunch a few times since then and I just sort of put him off. I just didn't feel like talking to him anymore and haven't seen him in years. I'm a pretty tolerant person, but he crossed a line I just couldn't accept.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its hard to be friends with someone you have no respect for. 
A reformed cheater? No issues at all. One who is presently cheating? No thanks.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Sauvie Island said:


> Jettison your friend for cheating like an island of trash?
> Treat them like they have an incurable, contagious disease?
> 
> They are better off without your 'friendship'.
> ...


Cheaters aren't worth keeping in my vicinity so I'd have no problem dumping 50% of my friends if that we're the case.


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

i had a former friend who cheated on her highschool sweetheart/now husband. they married 6 years ago when she graduated college. while it was happening was when i had just met her and she would tell me her husband (boyfriend at the time) was just an over protective friend and the other guy she was seeing for 1 year was actually her boyfriend. I told her it doesnt make sense because why would he drive with her almost an hour and a half near her home to class. Because I had just met her at that point, I decided to give her benefits of the doubt. Later she got pregnant from the 1 year boyfriend and later after everything went into chaos (the 1 year boyfriend wanted his baby, but she aborted it quickly claiming rape), her actual sweetheart of a boyfriend from high school forgave her from the fabricated story she made up. he was hurt and i learned later from his brother when they were getting married that the whole family of the highschool sweetheart boyfriend found out because he was hurting and told them. that's why she has a challenging marriage with her in-laws because she hurt their son. 

i understand that they only want to protect their son from any further hurt. We are no longer friends and now it dawns on me one of the factors. when the about to be sister in law cheated on her brother in law, the brother in law cut it off. former friend told another friend and me and then, I stupidly outloud said, "I wonder where she got that idea from!" The husband of my former friend (was always in our circles because he didnt trust his wife anymore) and stared at me shocked. That and me starting to date someone from her same ethnicity, tripped her off in a negative way. 

the other person i cut off with in the first place was my 1st ex-husband. aside from DV, gambling issues, he later confessed all those years together he was sleeping with all types of jobs that you women to have sex with. had to divorce immediately as many things and risks went through my mind (health and safety risk factors, emotional and mental damage, that he may have had paid sex with kids in human trafficking, just countless ideas spewing on my mind at that time 10 years ago).


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> I absolutely do not see all cheaters in the same light. I know someone casually....a friend of a friend type thing, who had *a long term affair. *Is it right? No, but the rumor mill is that her husband won't touch her and is probably gay. Yeah she should leave him, *but they're big in the church*, have kids, and *both families are ultra-religious*. He knows about her affair but is terrified to get divorced and being exposed for who he is. I don't pretend to understand but neither one is prepared to leave the marriage (and he may have done some cheating as well). He seems to be an otherwise ok guy in that he doesn't treat her poorly....he just doesn't touch her.


Does the long term affair wife also claim to be ultra religious, and big in the church, as a known cheater? :scratchhead: I mean if you, as a friend of a friend know, a lot more people know, right? If so, WOW. I am constantly amazed at all that is tolerated in churches and people are still considered “big members in the church”, which I assume means they are very active and viewed by most as exemplary, while others are helping them keep their dirty secrets hidden. Makes a person wonder how God feels watching these members of this church.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

To answer the OP question, most definitely I am. The ones that are my “friends” have repented of these actions, and changed their lives. They still have the burden of a lot of the consequences though.

With the ones I was close to, when I became aware of it, I did confront each time. Sadly, they were still trying to hide what they were doing and wouldn’t admit it. I distanced myself, and didn’t resume a relationship until much later, when they had repented and changed, hopefully for good.

We all sin. I appreciate others who have forgiven me for some very bad choices I have made in my life and I am working hard to never repeat those. I would not forever write a cheater out of my life. People repent and change.

Pedophiles, yep, I can write them out, first offense and they never another chance with me. I am not a good enough person to forgive that crime.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Spicy said:


> Does the long term affair wife also claim to be ultra religious, and big in the church, as a known cheater? :scratchhead: I mean if you, as a friend of a friend know, a lot more people know, right? If so, WOW. I am constantly amazed at all that is tolerated in churches and people are still considered “big members in the church”, which I assume means they are very active and viewed by most as exemplary, while others are helping them keep their dirty secrets hidden. Makes a person wonder how God feels watching these members of this church.


I'm not sure how religious she considers herself....I don't know her that well.

I know she works at a religious school and her AP was a minister at the church, so I have to believe a lot of people knew.

I agree that its shocking what people tolerate.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Spicy said:


> To answer the OP question, most definitely I am. The ones that are my “friends” have repented of these actions, and changed their lives. They still have the burden of a lot of the consequences though.
> 
> With the ones I was close to, when I became aware of it, I did confront each time. Sadly, they were still trying to hide what they were doing and wouldn’t admit it. I distanced myself, and didn’t resume a relationship until much later, when they had repented and changed, hopefully for good.
> 
> ...


I believe your answer is actually a no then. If they have repented, then they are no longer cheaters. When they were, you distanced.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

In the aftermath of discovering my ex's cheating, I went to a close friend to vent, and learned that my friend's wife's previous marriage had ended due to her cheating with my friend! So not a known cheater, but a known affair partner. Helped by the fact that my friend was trying to continue to be friends with both me and my ex, I cut that friendship off instantly.

There are a lot of people in the world, and I choose to bestow my friendship on those who haven't already blatantly proven their untrustworthiness and selfishness.


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## Sauvie Island (Jul 4, 2018)

Sauvie Island said:


> Jettison your friend for cheating like an island of trash?
> Treat them like they have an incurable, contagious disease?
> 
> They are better off without your 'friendship'.
> ...


^^^_Whose this knucklehead, lol?_^^^

Friend: *a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.*

Due to my affection for my particular friend, Who currently has cheated recently, the last thing I will do is cut him off. 
Yes, I know what your thinking; *yes*, I did tell him he's a dumbass, we no longer hang out as much as well, and through this period rarely communicate which feels odd. It is not my place to alert his wife, sorry. That's a punk move. He needs to grow a pair and do the work and this he knows.

A TRUE FRIEND will not have *burned the bridge*, but will in fact be there waiting to help *rebuild* that person when all goes to hell.

This thread reeks of self-righteousness.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> In the aftermath of discovering my ex's cheating, I went to a close friend to vent, and learned that my friend's wife's previous marriage had ended due to her cheating with my friend! So not a known cheater, but a known affair partner. Helped by the fact that my friend was trying to continue to be friends with both me and my ex, I cut that friendship off instantly.
> 
> There are a lot of people in the world, and I choose to bestow my friendship on those who haven't already blatantly proven their untrustworthiness and selfishness.


An AP is a cheater. They are one in the same.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sauvie Island said:


> ^^^_Whose this knucklehead, lol?_^^^
> 
> Friend: *a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.*
> 
> ...


What sort of a friend are you being to his wife? She should be told what sort of man she is married to.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

oldtruck said:


> An AP is a cheater. They are one in the same.


Well if an affair partner is cheating on their partner, then yes they are a cheater as well.

On the other hand if they are not cheating on their own partner, then no they aren't cheating at all.

If someone hasn't made vows of fidelity to you, then they don't owe you any fidelity.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Well if an affair partner is cheating on their partner, then yes they are a cheater as well.
> 
> On the other hand if they are not cheating on their own partner, then no they aren't cheating at all.
> 
> If someone hasn't made vows of fidelity to you, then they don't owe you any fidelity.


Its still adultery. Knowing that they are having an affair with a married person is just as bad in my opinion.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Personal said:


> Well if an affair partner is cheating on their partner, then yes they are a cheater as well.
> 
> On the other hand if they are not cheating on their own partner, then no they aren't cheating at all.
> 
> If someone hasn't made vows of fidelity to you, then they don't owe you any fidelity.


Bank robbery.
Teller shot and killed.
The get away car driver, never got out of the car still gets charged with murder.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

So my original post made me realize I hadn't talked to my friend in a while (the one whose W cheated on him) . I texted him yesterday afternoon...told him I had mentioned him on an anonymous forum that dealt with infidelity and it made me realize we hadn't talked in over 6 months. He lives a little under 2 hrs away so we have to make an effort to stay connected. Asked him how he was doing. 

He called me a few minutes later. Asked me which forum. I told him. 

Him: I ****ing hate that place. 

Turns out he posted here when he caught his XWW cheating and was banned for being a troll. :grin2:

I literally LOL-ed at him. My laughing calmed him down some. 

He said after he was banned he looked at his thread and he thinks he was banned bc of his polygraph entry in his story. His XFIL was really upset that his daughter cheated and he was on some kind of mission to destroy her and he paid some polygraph company 2K to ask his daughter, my friend's WW at the time, a bunch of questions, way more than 3. He didn't know about the 2 or 3 standard when he posted. He was just telling the story. After the ban, he called his XFIL and asked how he got them to do so many questions and XFIL told him how. 

He said this place gave him good guidance. Said he even PMed a mod back and forth some getting advice. He said he doesn't remember his username. I think it's more likely that he doesn't want me to read his story. Idk why...I think he told me most everything that went down. 

I don't remember when this happened other than sometime in 2016 or 2017. 

I know this is very vague. Anyone remember him?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

oldtruck said:


> Bank robbery.
> Teller shot and killed.
> The get away car driver, never got out of the car still gets charged with murder.


In modern Western societies, adultery is not a crime.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Well, OP - you may consider yourself an old softy, however, I speculate that at times I'm becoming an old judgey. 

To answer the question, my dad cheated and I advised my mother to leave but she didn't. Years after their divorce, he remarried, and I'd consider him and his wife to have a strong marriage. My FIL and his wife met while being married to others. The affair blew up their worlds, were ostracized by their community, so they moved and remarried one another and are still going strong. MIL was an AP to a married man who ought to have kept professional boundaries and she sued him under the circumstances; his world crashed around him. Close friend shared with me that she had an affair in her first marriage. She's expressed what she learned from it and what a dark time it was. Now with her second marriage, about a year or so ago, her ex-husband was sniffing around and she was enjoying the attention. As her friend, I gave her a blunt reality-check. She shared it with her husband and instead refocused to share attention between them. Still, she checked herself and saw it for what it was. I have a lot of respect for this friend overall. Another friend denied some shenanigans while her and husband were talking separation, then later shared with me details of her play-time with other men, that I just couldn't respect in the end. It seems her husband (now ex) got okay with what was happening, and remained in her corner, yet as a friend, I recognized that I was all judgey and we distanced from one another. I still recognize her beautiful qualities, but couldn't reconcile with how she conducted herself during that time. It was quite the eye-opener for me to realize how much respect plays a part in my view of friends. It's actually something I grappled with for a time, as other friends are more accepting of various shenanigans, whereas it turns out I'm a bit judgey and selective with who I have around.


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

“He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.”

I know I am not perfect so I try not to be too judgemental of others. I certainly would never refer to anybody as a "cheater". As a late friend of mine used to say, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors in other people's relationships. I don't condone infidelity, but I do consider that it often arises due to a deep unhappiness. 

An affair between two of my friends caused a schism in our village that has lasted for decade or so. It was a bad situation made worse by those who condemned others for refusing to vilify one of the parties. Some people saw the woman as being more reprehensible than the man. I guess they bought into the ridiculous idea that men can't be expected to control their urges and, therefore, the woman must be the bad one. It reached bizarre proportions when our neighbours snubbed my parents in law from the other end of the country because my wife and I supported the woman in her attempts to save her marriage. It's a very long convoluted story, but the man involved has become one of my closest friends.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sauvie Island said:


> ^^^_Whose this knucklehead, lol?_^^^
> 
> Friend: *a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.*
> 
> ...


A real friend holds you accountable for terrible behavior and won't continue with you if you choose destructive behavior.

A real friend will be waiting in a healthy place if you ever pull your head out of your ass.

If you see me as self righteous, I see you as a very weak enabler.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Personal said:


> In modern Western societies, adultery is not a crime.


Never said adultery is a crime. Just showing the connection. They still both get painted with the cheaters label.

When people are in a relationship, date and have sex that is what it is called a relationship.

When a married person is having an affair the person they having sex with is the affair partner.
Does not matter if the AP is single. They are the affair partner. They are complicit in the cheating
against the BS.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Music Lover said:


> “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.”
> 
> I know I am not perfect so I try not to be too judgemental of others. I certainly would never refer to anybody as a "cheater". As a late friend of mine used to say, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors in other people's relationships. I don't condone infidelity, but I do consider that it often arises due to a deep unhappiness.
> 
> An affair between two of my friends caused a schism in our village that has lasted for decade or so. It was a bad situation made worse by those who condemned others for refusing to vilify one of the parties. Some people saw the woman as being more reprehensible than the man. I guess they bought into the ridiculous idea that men can't be expected to control their urges and, therefore, the woman must be the bad one. It reached bizarre proportions when our neighbours snubbed my parents in law from the other end of the country because my wife and I supported the woman in her attempts to save her marriage. It's a very long convoluted story, but the man involved has become one of my closest friends.


Not about throwing rocks.

It is about keeping people away that can be bad influences for your spouse, children, relatives, friends and neighbors.
Better to be safe than sorry. This is why ex-con's, alcoholics, drug addicts, an all forms of deplorable behaviors.
Do not complain that you have fleas when you sleep with dogs.

Yes an ex-con can now be a good person. Though it is best to thoroughly check them out before you accept them.
For many wind up back in jail.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

I found his thread. Took a while. I didn't know a lot of the story. I feel really bad for him now, and I feel like I should reach out to him. But he's fine now, great actually, so that would be dumb.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

GoldenR said:


> I found his thread. Took a while. I didn't know a lot of the story. I feel really bad for him now, and I feel like I should reach out to him. But he's fine now, great actually, so that would be dumb.


Why are you hogging the link?


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

1) A friend of mine was the affair partner of a married woman. It was an emotional affair (I think) that led to the woman getting divorced from her husband. Believe it or not both men were deacons in a church. The woman's husband kept telling his wife that she and my friend were talking too much, about the bible of all things. 

She was already disenchanted with her husband who had many affairs and was in one at the time of his wife's affair. I told my friend, he was on a very slippery slope, with the church being the back drop of the entire thing. I wasn't privy to it as, I lived a couple hundred miles away and actually found thing out well after the fact. 

Very unfortunate development, although I believe the divorce would have happened eventually. This woman is GORGEOUS, kind, considerate and stacked. She just married a douche, and my friend was wrong getting entangled with a married woman, even if he was trying to help her in the marriage. 

2) Another more sinister affair was one I found out about as an adult involving relatives. An older cousin who's my mom's cousin actually, is dark complected. His wife is very light. Their first child was dark. Her two younger siblings, (all around my age) were very light. My mom tells me her cousin's wife, was an adulteress and had TWO kids from some other guy who she couldn't stop seeing. The affair went on for years. 

3) Another one along the same lines was horribly scandalous. Small town of 5k. The spouses of a brother and sister were having a long term sexual affairs. It was a brother and sister in-law affair. So, the sister's husband was VERY REGULARLY tapping the wife of her brother. I think I got that right, as it can be confusing to write.

The entire town knew it. Common knowledge. So much so, I asked a friend about it years into it and asked if they (affair partners) were still married. Meaning, the affair partners were together so frequently in public that I forgot that they weren't with their own spouses when I would see them, so I ended up thinking they were married all along, although I knew different. 

It went on for 10-15 years. Caught numerous times. Didn't matter. Karma was as bad as the affair though. Both adulterers ended up being prematurely disabled, like in their 40's. Both are wheelchair bound debilitating illnesses requiring assistance. 

Small town affairs are the worst for betrayed spouses as word travels and the humiliation factor is multiplied. The option for privacy and exposure is nil.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

oldtruck said:


> Why are you hogging the link?


His name on here was Timeisonmyside.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I'm going to guess that I know more cheaters than I think.

I only know of 2. A BF from college, who is now a friend, albeit not super close because we are both busy and o ly see each other occassionally... he has been a serial cheater in relationships, as long as I've known him. He cheated on me when we dated, and he cheated WITH me (just once, and I didn't know) when he was dating someone when we were in college... this I can sort of chalk up to teenage hormones, and the fact that I wanted him back for a long time. (He was my first, I thought we were meant to be, stupid teenage hormones, blah, blah, blah.) We were FWB all thoughout college, during the times when I wasn't dating someone. As far as I was concerned, I took FWB off the table when *I* was dating someone... that was my personal boundary, and when that boundary was up, we were just friends. He dated this girl at one point who HATED me, and I could never figure out why. I learned later that she always viewed me as a threat, because she knew about our history, and assumed that he would cheat on her with me, if given the chance. This eventually broke them up, even though she was the one person he never cheated on. I finally got over that whole thing our senior year, and cut off the whole FWB thing with him for good, and we were able to finally able to just be friends. I don't think that he ever stopped being a cheater, though. He's never been married. He did get engaged at one point, but they called it off, and while they kept the reasons to themselves, I have a feeling my friend probably cheated. I don't know why he's like this... he's not a bad or malicious person. And I know he feels real regret after he does it, and he says he won't do it again, and he knows it's wrong... but it just seems like he has zero impulse control when it comes to sexual desire. And he doesn't appear to seek out affair partners. I've seen this go down a couple of times, and always seems like he's being pursued, and just doesn't know how to say "no." It's a curious thing, and I don't entirely know what to make of it.

The other is my uncle (my mom's brother). About 13 years ago, he began an affair with his wife's best friend. It started innocently enough, she and her second husband separated, and he started helping her with stuff around the house because this is my wife's friend and she needs help, and at the same time he started confiding in her about stuff with my aunt--she was in 10 years remission from bone cancer, and right around this time they were going through a scare that the cancer might be back. You can see where this is going. My aunt kicked him out of the house, and outed him to our whole family, and everyone in the family was like, "we love you but you're a dumbass, and we're on her side" and we made it very clear to my aunt that no matter what my uncle had done, we still love her and support her, because she's family. My grandfather made it very clear to my uncle that his side piece will never be welcome in the family, a sentiment that was echoed by the entire family. Up until this point, my uncle was in the fog, telling my aunt that he wanted to stay married but he wasn't going to give up his AP. The family ostracizing him (and the fact that his daughter wouldn't speak to him) finally woke him up (also the fact that AP's crazy started to come out), and he and my aunt began the slow process of reconciling and rebuilding their marriage. It's taken a very long time, and they have a very happy marriage now, but it could have gone very differently.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

I called him today. I couldn't ignore everything I read no matter how old it was. 

Told him i was so sorry. He seemed happy to hear that from me. He said way back then he knew if he talked to me that i could empathize having gone thru it myself, but he was so embarrassed, so ashamed. He knows now he shouldn't have been. I told him I remember the feeling. 

He's doing really well now. Has 1 daughter in college. Another in high school. And one that's 4 I think. He's so proud of them. 

I guess everything worked out ok with him, as hes very happily engaged.

Small freaking world though.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Yes, and I'd never expected it coming from him. But she found out, they were divorced, and she took him to the cleaners. But I don't agree cheating with or condone it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

GoldenR said:


> I called him today. I couldn't ignore everything I read no matter how old it was.
> 
> Told him i was so sorry. He seemed happy to hear that from me. He said way back then he knew if he talked to me that i could empathize having gone thru it myself, but he was so embarrassed, so ashamed. He knows now he shouldn't have been. I told him I remember the feeling.
> 
> ...


Wow, I just skimmed that thread, I remember it now, brutal. (I was my usual harsh self, ha ha not that I was wrong but someone should tell me to **** off. Actually some of you did! :surprise

Anyway what happened to his wife? Hope she is alone or with someone of her kind. 

I am glad the dude is getting better.

One day there is going to be a metoo moment with cheaters.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Wow, I just skimmed that thread, I remember it now, brutal. (I was my usual harsh self, ha ha not that I was wrong but someone should tell me to **** off. Actually some of you did! :surprise
> 
> Anyway what happened to his wife? Hope she is alone or with someone of her kind.
> 
> ...




She's alone. Has never dated. Says she never will. She very recently finally made peace with their oldest daughter as oldest daughter just wasn't having any of mom after everything happened.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

GoldenR said:


> She's alone. Has never dated. Says she never will. She very recently finally made peace with their oldest daughter as oldest daughter just wasn't having any of mom after everything happened.


Well if it was PPD then that is a shame as well. I don't blame him for divorcing her, I would too but that doesn't mean she should not move on. What a terrible waste for everyone concerned.

Must be really hard for her now that he is getting married to someone else.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I only have known (well) two full on, full sexual affair cheaters in my life. Others are probably in the closet, I'm sure. I know a few others but they are only acquaintances and wouldn't really hang out with them.

For those two people....

1) was a very close friend of my wife and I. She had an ongoing affair for years with a much older man. We didn't like her husband at all, and further, she painted him badly. So at first, we kind of supported her leaving her H. As time went on though, we realized she was a total flake, and her H was probably not as bad a guy as we thought. There was a painful "breakup" between her and us.

2) was a female friend of mine (as was her husband), who my wife also knew, and then eventually became good friends with. She confessed her affair to my wife, who just listened. Behind the scenes though, our feelings for her dropped significantly. Later, she cut off ties to us, because she thought we were spreading stuff around about her. Not pretty. In that case, the H knew before she confessed to the affair to my wife, so there was nothing to tell her husband, he already knew. In fact, that was how she told my wife, by sharing how her H found out about her affair.

I think in both cases for some reason my wife was determined to be a safe person for them to discuss their affairs with. And both times it strung along awhile before ultimately my wife just couldn't associate with them.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> A real friend holds you accountable for terrible behavior and won't continue with you if you choose destructive behavior.
> 
> A real friend will be waiting in a healthy place if you ever pull your head out of your ass.


I was reflecting on this comment, and the friendship that is no longer there. For me, it was an accumulation of actions and in-actions, where we no longer aligned. I also recognize that I wasn't what she wanted and needed at that time. She made certain decisions for her journey... and I didn't need to be part of it anymore.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I am friends with people I know who have cheated. But their spouses know and they’ve decided to stay together. If their spouse chooses to stay, I don’t feel that it’s my place to be the judge and jury. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Obviously, this is a HUGE bad choice, but if I’m not the one in a committed relationship with them, I reserve judgement OF them. 

But they all know I know. And they know I wouldn’t support them actively cheating. It doesn’t always come up but the times it has, I’m quick to point out I will not support, encourage or facilitate an affair. And I’ll be the first to tell.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

My next door neighbor and I are friends. He cheated on his first wife with his second, then on his second with his now third wife. Our neighbors across the street sided with XW2 over him and that rift remains.

I’m friends with a guy who lived in our neighborhood. I believe he cheated, but he definitely served divorce papers on his wife the moment they returned from a two week tropical vacation. They’ve since reconciled, though.

We’re friends with a couple my wife has known for longer than she’s known me. They were having trouble conceiving. The wife had an affair, got pregnant by the lover, and she miscarried. They reconciled and now have two adopted kids. I don’t think they know that we know about the affair.

Lots of family members had affairs. You can’t just cut them out... or can you?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> Lots of family members had affairs. You can’t just cut them out... or can you?


Love should never be unconditional. :2gunsfiring_v1:


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Well when my wife was 21 she told me she had sex with her boss who was married . We didn’t know rather then Does that make her a cheater ? Or prone to cheat ?


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

redwingpentagon said:


> Well when my wife was 21 she told me she had sex with her boss who was married . We didn’t know rather then Does that make her a cheater ? Or prone to cheat ?


You're kidding, right?

All human beings are prone to be cheaters. She has already been involved in affair. A billion years of sexual attraction between living beings makes us uber prone to cheating. We love sex, if feels great. We love excitement. Cheating is exciting. Women love to be needed. It makes them feel valued.

To overcome these fun things, we have instituted boundaries to protect ourselves from the damage done by cheating. "THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY!" Well, I guess God saw the need to point out that we shouldn't cross boundaries.

To answer your question, YES! She is prone to cheat! To deny that is to go on being blind to the facts of human existence. There is no situation where friends are of the opposite sex (& sometimes the same sex!) that sex is off the table. Their anatomies are designed for engagement. Their body chemistry encourages it. Nature wants living things to do it for the procreation of living beings! Its takes everything we have to deny ourselves the pleasure!

Buddy, you already said that if she slept with him, you are going to forgive her. Why post here as if it is a problem? Its not that big of deal to you. right?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

redwingpentagon said:


> Well when my wife was 21 she told me she had sex with her boss who was married . We didn’t know rather then Does that make her a cheater ? Or prone to cheat ?


Yep.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Well when we were dating we discussed our passed sex life . That was one thing she was not proud off . It a healthy thing to discuss such things .


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

redwingpentagon said:


> Well when my wife was 21 she told me she had sex with her boss who was married . We didn’t know rather then Does that make her a cheater ? Or prone to cheat ?


She would be the other woman or affair partner, he would be the cheater. But having done that, her bar may be lower than others when it comes to cheating.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Nope. At least not that I know of.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I could not be friends with a cheater. Too triggering, I guess.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

A former gf told me she slept with one of her HS teachers. Don't know if he was married but definitely off limits.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Redwingpentagon,

Did you out the guy to his wife?

While your W was not proud of what she did, she also could have made amends by making her confession to his wife.

Yes it's healthy to discuss your prior partners as they have a way of getting back into your life.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Funny enough, this exact subject brought me back to TAM. There's a girl at work who is openly cheating on her Husband. She's actually laughing about it; how she's got her dope husband wrapped around her finger. What's more, her friends are encouraging it to the tune of 'You go girl!' It's disgusting and hilarious at the same time. Disgusting as these same women proudly proclaim they'd never tolerate cheating from their men and would make them pay in divorce court. And hilarious because I'm friends with the Husband and helping him gather evidence for his very painful break.

Painful for her, that is. VARs are pretty sneaky and so easy to hide. You'd be amazed what they Capture. What's also hilarious is that these girls somehow haven't caught on to the fact I'm friends with the Husband despite hanging out with him many times. I don't know if these girls are just dense or betting on my silence. What's worse, of the 5 who are married 3 are in full on Physical affairs. The two wives who aren't cheating are actively helping them to cover it up. So, not much improvement there. I imagine all their Husbands are not going to be thrilled with what we have to show them.

My friend is a good man. Hard working, loyal, honest and family oriented. She was a single mother when they met. He didn't care, he loved her and took her daughter as his own and even adopted her. When her daughter called him daddy for the first time I saw him brought to tears. I hadn't seen this man cry since since Iraq when we lost a good friend of ours. He always wanted a family and to have kids of their own. I don't know how he's holding it together through all this. I don't sense any rage from him but a disturbing Zen like Calm that's unnerving me a bit. He's not suicidal, trust me I checked and am still checking. Nor is he homicidal. She isn't worth it. But there is going to be a reckoning and its going to be a dish served very cold.

Her Reputation and Job are both about to be in the toilet.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Jharp said:


> Funny enough, this exact subject brought me back to TAM. There's a girl at work who is openly cheating on her Husband. She's actually laughing about it; how she's got her dope husband wrapped around her finger. What's more, her friends are encouraging it to the tune of 'You go girl!' It's disgusting and hilarious at the same time. Disgusting as these same women proudly proclaim they'd never tolerate cheating from their men and would make them pay in divorce court. And hilarious because I'm friends with the Husband and helping him gather evidence for his very painful break.
> 
> Painful for her, that is. VARs are pretty sneaky and so easy to hide. You'd be amazed what they Capture. What's also hilarious is that these girls somehow haven't caught on to the fact I'm friends with the Husband despite hanging out with him many times. I don't know if these girls are just dense or betting on my silence. What's worse, of the 5 who are married 3 are in full on Physical affairs. The two wives who aren't cheating are actively helping them to cover it up. So, not much improvement there. I imagine all their Husbands are not going to be thrilled with what we have to show them.
> 
> ...


JSharp, this is GREAT that you are helping him get the info, and the info on the other wives for their husbands. They are absolutely disgusting what they are doing -- they KNOW they have the trust of the husband and have NO issues with using that against him and belittling him for it. I really hope Karma hits BIG TIME when it comes down (please write it to let us all know how it goes). The only bad thing is that he is probably in a 50-50 state, and the adultery doesn't matter for the Divorce. Of course, showing the world what she is may have some good feelings for him.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Jharp said:


> Funny enough, this exact subject brought me back to TAM. There's a girl at work who is openly cheating on her Husband. She's actually laughing about it; how she's got her dope husband wrapped around her finger. What's more, her friends are encouraging it to the tune of 'You go girl!' It's disgusting and hilarious at the same time. Disgusting as these same women proudly proclaim they'd never tolerate cheating from their men and would
> make them pay in divorce court. And hilarious because I'm friends with the Husband and helping him gather evidence for his very painful break.
> 
> Painful for her, that is. VARs are pretty sneaky and so easy to hide. You'd be amazed what they Capture. What's also hilarious is that these girls somehow haven't caught on to the fact I'm friends with the Husband despite hanging out with him many times. I don't know if these girls are just dense or betting on my silence. What's worse, of the 5 who are married 3 are in full on Physical affairs. The two wives who aren't cheating are actively helping them to cover it up. So, not much improvement there. I imagine all their Husbands are not going to be thrilled with what we have to show them.
> ...


So let me get this strait . Your friend is going to bust all of them at the same time to all there husbands . And when is he going to do this .


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

niceguy47460 said:


> So let me get this strait . Your friend is going to bust all of them at the same time to all there husbands . And when is he going to do this .


I think he's made contact with two of the Husbands, I don't know the details on the third. Either he isn't receptive or just unreachable. I'll know more later. But right now my friend is in the evidence gathering phase and is talking to a lawyer. Seems he might be on the hook for child support since he adopted her daughter. But yeah he's looking to hit with divorce papers, a restraining order against her, having movers move her **** and then make a big reveal to her family and work. 

Blitzkrieg is the term he's using. He's also looking to possibly going after the hospital where she works at and the Lothario. But im not sure on State Laws on that.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Jharp said:


> niceguy47460 said:
> 
> 
> > So let me get this strait . Your friend is going to bust all of them at the same time to all there husbands . And when is he going to do this .
> ...


I would so love to be a fly on the wall when it all comes down


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jharp said:


> I think he's made contact with two of the Husbands, I don't know the details on the third. Either he isn't receptive or just unreachable. I'll know more later. But right now my friend is in the evidence gathering phase and is talking to a lawyer. Seems he might be on the hook for child support since he adopted her daughter. But yeah he's looking to hit with divorce papers, a restraining order against her, having movers move her **** and then make a big reveal to her family and work.
> 
> Blitzkrieg is the term he's using. He's also looking to possibly going after the hospital where she works at and the Lothario. But im not sure on State Laws on that.



This thread just came up in my feed, @Jharp. Any update?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

The happiest most lovey dovey couple my parents knew growing up were affair partners - they moved in together after their divorces each with 2 kids and the kids got on SO well. They were like my couple goals until I learned they both cheated on their former spouses and then it was a little more icky.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> In modern Western societies, adultery is not a crime.


It is in my state but it is not enforced..
Unfortunately....


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

redwingpentagon said:


> Well when my wife was 21 she told me she had sex with her boss who was married . We didn’t know rather then Does that make her a cheater ? Or prone to cheat ?


She was an affair partner. Prone to cheat??? If she knew he was married prior to jumping in the sack i would say it bring her moral integrity into question but does not mean she will cheat on you. 
However if one knowingly commited adultry in the past withut problem, then i do not see why they would have issue cheating on you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Divinely Favored said:


> It is in my state but it is not enforced..


Fortunately (fixed it for you).


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

In answer to the original question, _Are you friends with any known cheaters? _I'd say almost certainly, statistically speaking, but I don't know it. My real answer is, "only my ex wife".


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> Fortunately (fixed it for you).


Far as im concerned a cheater is no different than a rapist who roofies someone. They should loose totally in a divorce. No alimony, no house, only visitation with kids, no CS...if you cant support them then non cheating spouse gets custody.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Divinely Favored said:


> Far as im concerned a cheater is no different than a rapist who roofies someone.


You seem confused on how consent works.



> They should loose totally in a divorce. No alimony, no house, only visitation with kids, no CS...if you cant support them then non cheating spouse gets custody.


Given that you don't get to determine the laws of your country or mine, I do wonder if you enjoy tilting at windmills to no end?


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## angelfire77 (Jan 13, 2021)

Yes, and I had actually made a thread about it about a week ago. My best friend of 18 years has been leading a double life for the past 2 years. Initially she made me think that she was just trying to get out of a bad marriage and painted her husband out to be this neglectful, verbally and emotionally abusive man. He works 3 jobs to support them since she will not work. When it became clear that she has no intentions of leaving her husband, AND she told me she's not sure if she wants to actually be with the OM (he was separated when they met and she convinced him to push his divorce through for her), I decided to distance myself from her.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I have known some but have always thought it best for them to figure it out on their own. Yes, its wrong but if I intervene are they going to actually change or will it be empty? I have had some slip-ups and know that in the moment, I would have not listened.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> You seem confused on how consent works.
> 
> 
> 
> Given that you don't get to determine the laws of your country or mine, I do wonder if you enjoy tilting at windmills to no end?


Point is the BS (be it man) did not give his consent to unknowingly have a cheating WW go screw and suck off posom on Sat night and come home sucking face/having sex with and having BS perform oral sex on her and expose him to posoms semen and no telling what other kind of VD.

In my view the BS is the victim of the sex offense perpetrated by the WS and OM/OW. 

Dont know what the hell you saying about wind mills though. Thing is there is usually no justice for the BS in the court system.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Divinely Favored said:


> Dont know what the hell you saying about wind mills though.


Since you can't get your way legally, whingeing about it when you can't change it is wasting your time (ie tilting at windmills).


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> Since you can't get your way legally, whingeing about it when you can't change it is wasting your time (ie tilting at windmills).


Still makes no sense to me. No whining, just stating what would be justice in my book.


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