# What you do when rejected repeatedly ?



## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Mostly the 3rd option and I pull back from touching/interacting with her until we have a chat or she feels like she needs attention and finds me. I can't get rejected and hurt anymore if I stop putting myself out there; which hurts plenty on its own but not as much as rejection.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I reject your poll. 

Fix it or leave isn't on the list.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Women are encouraged from childhood to keep a record of everything every man has ever done said thought felt or not done said thought felt and to hold that against him for life, a billion times. So what's good for the goose......

Some people call that 'marriage' I called it feminist empowered guerrilla warfare in kind.

She turns you down, make a note of it and rhetorically bash her with it, over and over and over and over. Pick fights about it. Go nuts. I am Oprah hear me roar!!!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

never been rejected with my current wife, but in for past relationships, just keep on keepin on.

never cheat. just take care of business. take matters into your own hand. iv'e had plenty of practice, cause I was a single man for 2o years and learned to take care of myself. no big deal and no drama.

now that i'm married to mrs. HD it's more a matter of me keeping up with her!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I was in a 3 year relationship once where we averaged sex twice a week for the first 15 months, and then suddenly she told me that sex was no big deal and she cut me off for good. this was after she constantly told me i gave her the best sex of her life. what??? best sex of her life, but now sex is off the table??

it was a year later I found out she cheated on me. 

why didn't i leave her at that point? i was a fool in luv.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

In my marriage, I ended up cheating. Wrong answer; it wasnt a solution to anything. Shortly after that, I left the marriage. That was the right solution. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In my marriage, I tried to get the sex life back on track for a while. But then I gave up and just pulled away. Eventually I divorced him because I will not stay in a sexless marriage.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Terrible poll. 
Step one is try to discuss. 
Step two is self-reflection; Are you being attractive and what are you going to do about that? 
Step three is distancing and may involve some sound boarding on step 2 (is lack of attraction specific from just your wife).... 

Once you decide she's just not into you 'that way', you mentally start the pathway to divorce (your boundaries that you won't be in a sexless relationship much less a marriage; something you worked on in step 3).

And finally just go, simply formalizing the platonic relationship you have with her with the added bonus that you made efforts on your end that will also pay off on in dating (like the gym to lose the gut, self-confidence, a healthy perspective about relationships and having to work on them, etc.) to relieve yourself of any lingering guilt or debt owed to the marriage.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

racer , this poll is not really just to tackle that a wife rejected few times ; we are talking about a very long of rejection.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Porn and suppress desire. Talking never got past apologies and promises to visit the doctor and shrugs. I came *extremely close* to cheating but didn't go through with it, as it was apparent by this point that my sexless LTR also had a lot of other serious problems that she had no interest in fixing and so we ended it.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Zouz said:


> racer , this poll is not really just to tackle that a wife rejected few times ; we are talking about a very long of rejection.


I understood that... been there, done that, changed it. 

Not a single one of those poll answers will change diddly-squat and just insure more years of not having sex with her, or a really bad ending to the marriage, and continued ever growing resentment and frustration. None of those options will allow him to hold his head high. That's why it is a garbage poll.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

In my case I had small kids and so leaving wasn't so cut and dry.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

My wife will give me sex any time I want it. I know she hates it, however, so the rapey feel of it kind of got to me after a while. So I don't initiate. I will go sexless for the rest of my life if I don't initiate. 

Sometimes I say "what the heck". She'll give, I'll take. But then I feel...dirty. So I'll go a month or two again. Repeat...

I'm going to ask for a big new hi-def computer screen for Christmas. And I'll tell her why I want it. I have to. The one I have is obviously good enough for ALMOST everything I need. 

There's just something about porn on a big, hi-def screen...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> My wife will *give me* sex any time I want it. I know she hates it, however, so the rapey feel of it kind of got to me after a while. . . .


Doesn't sound like she is "giving" anything.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

MachoMcCoy said:


> My wife will give me sex any time I want it. I know she hates it, however, so the rapey feel of it kind of got to me after a while. So I don't initiate. I will go sexless for the rest of my life if I don't initiate.
> 
> Sometimes I say "what the heck". She'll give, I'll take. But then I feel...dirty. So I'll go a month or two again. Repeat...
> 
> ...


That's sad.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

There is NO option for the right answer.

Divorce/Heal>in time find a proper partner that will care enough to give you the BASICS of a relationship (in time of course).


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

> What you do when rejected repeatedly ?


What did I do? I learned to go without. Worked on the house, worked out more.

Wife, now x-wife, after she rejects me over and over, sees that I learned to do without........and cheats. Oy vey.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> In my case I had small kids and so leaving wasn't so cut and dry.


Sometimes simply packing your bags and going isn't so easy.
And Hey, why should 'we' pack our bags when 'she' is the one ignoring a very important part of the marriage?

Anyway...the way to stop getting rejected, therefore hurt is simply not to instigate or show any interest. Once bitten twice shy and all that.

We all know that if we put a hand in the fire we will get burned and it will hurt....so we don't put our hand in the fire do we?!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MachoMcCoy said:


> My wife will give me sex any time I want it. I know she hates it, however, so the rapey feel of it kind of got to me after a while. So I don't initiate. I will go sexless for the rest of my life if I don't initiate.
> 
> Sometimes I say "what the heck". She'll give, I'll take. But then I feel...dirty. So I'll go a month or two again. Repeat...
> 
> ...


Don't forget the big speakers with surround sound.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

There are lots of reasons to stay married.

Don't play tit for tat. If your relationship to each other has gotten to the level of staying together for tax purposes, you just need to make sure you treat her as importantly as she treats you.

Distant respect and vague consideration you would treat a stranger.

Cheating, not cheating? Well...if you do decide to go off the reservation for a steak, you have two options;

Honesty: Hey honey, let's open up this marriage so we can let some sex in...

Dishonestly: You do what you got to do and leave her as little the wiser as possible.

And sorry to say, this is predicated on what kind of person you married. If she feels burdened with sex, maybe opening things up will let her off the hook. But if she is someone who is going to deny you a meal, just to arrest you when you steal bread...well...don't telegraph your moves.

The best policy you rejected.

Counseling

Fix yourself

Divorce.

Any of those three are better than your list.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Where is the "leave" option?


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

What can you do,other than Mrs palmer and the five daughters , the worst part is the wedge is getting bigger and bigger the more I meditate on situation and to this day I don't know why ,I thought I was giving all she needed ,breakfast in bed,red and white carnations at the bedside, vases of pink roses and multiple OGs must be the luck of the draw most things in life have a DUD in them every now and then QUE SERRA SERRA (what will be will be):scratchhead:


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

It took me 5 years in a sexless marriage before I finally opened my eyes and filed for divorce.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

A long time ago, after years of being blamed for all deficiencies, in a now defunct marriage, that resulted in her lack of interest and ultimate "rejection", I proved way beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me that caused her to transform into a refrigerator. Call me what you want, but after several years fixing myself by providing women the company of a discerning gentleman, 20 years ago I met and married a girl (no she wasn't a client) that understands pleasing her man is the fountain from which a well-adjusted marriage flows. The phrase, "you have to work on a relationship" is lost to me. 
Would I take the same path to achieve the same outcome? You're damn right I would. My advise is forget about the IC, substituting with porn, Widow thumb and her four daughters, etc. and get rid of the problem. When it comes to assuaging your self worth, self confidence, and ego in the area of the opposite sex, a willing woman who thinks you hung the moon with trump individual counseling every time.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i correlate the lack of sex with the lack of whatever it is i provide that my wife needs. 
in other words, no sex= no kisses, hugs, shows of affection, etc. 
and i make it very clear why i am doing it. kisses and hugs are things i should want to give her enthusiastically. and i will, but i will not have them taken for granted, as i will not take her sexual interest in me for granted.

it leads to one of two things: divorce or fixing it. your poll does not give an option for either.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> in other words, no sex= no kisses, hugs, shows of affection, etc.


Change your plan to no sex=no husband and it'll work for you. Chances are if she's not into sex with you, it likely she can take or leave the kisses and hugs. Its like my cousin Melvy said about six month before she divorced her old man, "he's pizzed off, won't speak to me, and doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. I love it. I can now get things done without him pestering me all the time.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

Well, I've pretty much learned to live without it. 
BUT, I damn sure do everything else I enjoy doing, like riding the motorcycle (Goldwing), shooting guns, I'll even pull the airplane out of the hangar and go flying (we live on a private airport & own a plane). I don't tell her what I'm doing or where I'm going. She loves the bike, but I quit even asking her if she wants to go. I figure if she can cut me off, I can just cut her out. Hell, at least my daughter shows me some affection, so I spend ALL the time I can with her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I go to work.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> Change your plan to no sex=no husband and it'll work for you. Chances are if she's not into sex with you, it likely she can take or leave the kisses and hugs. Its like my cousin Melvy said about six month before she divorced her old man, "he's pizzed off, won't speak to me, and doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. I love it. I can now get things done without him pestering me all the time.


no. I'm not going to threaten my wife with divorce. We will either both be miserable or we will both be happy, but we will be together until she decides that she has had enough of me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> I go to work.


and post on TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

flyer said:


> Well, I've pretty much learned to live without it.
> BUT, I damn sure do everything else I enjoy doing, like riding the motorcycle (Goldwing), shooting guns, I'll even pull the airplane out of the hangar and go flying (we live on a private airport & own a plane). I don't tell her what I'm doing or where I'm going. She loves the bike, but I quit even asking her if she wants to go. I figure if she can cut me off, I can just cut her out. Hell, at least my daughter shows me some affection, so I spend ALL the time I can with her.


Does she know that you cut her out because she cut you off? If not, try telling her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> Does she know that you cut her out because she cut you off? If not, try telling her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm sort of a person of "timing". I'll tell her, when the time is right. I have to wait for the "golden" opportunity.
If I just blurted it out, she'd start putting out because I "forced her to". That'd be pity/duty sex. I don't want that.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

flyer said:


> I'm sort of a person of "timing". I'll tell her, when the time is right. I have to wait for the "golden" opportunity.
> If I just blurted it out, she'd start putting out because I "forced her to". That'd be pity/duty sex. I don't want that.


Neither do i. But, you may have to swallow those feelings for the effort she puts in, and encourage the effort, in order to get the kind of sex life you want. 

Her having sex when she is not in the mood would be kinda like you being kind and affectionate when she is doing things that emasculated you. It wont feel right at first, but if you reward the attempts with enthusiasm and gratitude, it won't feel like it's just a waste of time(to her). If she can't get turned on because you make her horny, then at least she can have sex with you enthusiastically because she knows what she will get in return for it. 

It's not the perfect solution, but it works until you can learn how to press the right button. 

That's why I do things the way I do. I want my wife to work WITH me. I want her to think about it so that she CAN tell me how to turn her on. I want to make her feel loved too, just as much as I want to feel loved by her. 

So I am honest about these things. If I am not feeling loved, I withhold the things that make her feel loved and tell her exactly how to get it back. Because asking for it didn't work. And then I let her know how much I appreciate her effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> and post on TAM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I post in TAM during work


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

john117 said:


> I post in TAM during work


Must be nice. I usually have to leave my phone in my car when I work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> Neither do i. But, you may have to swallow those feelings for the effort she puts in, and encourage the effort, in order to get the kind of sex life you want.
> 
> Her having sex when she is not in the mood would be kinda like you being kind and affectionate when she is doing things that emasculated you. It wont feel right at first, but if you reward the attempts with enthusiasm and gratitude, it won't feel like it's just a waste of time(to her). If she can't get turned on because you make her horny, then at least she can have sex with you enthusiastically because she knows what she will get in return for it.
> 
> ...




I tried this for 31 years & it still didn't work. So I gave up, did the 180 & NMMNG thing.

I have had some thoughts about how one might assist me. If you think you might be interested, PM me.


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## ticktock33 (Jun 6, 2014)

I think it's important to find out why they reject you. I know this is probably almost never the case, but in my case. I rejected my husband because I was on birth control and it was seriously involuntary. I rolled my eyes and did it, but wasn't into it, I had no idea that it was happening. We went a month or 2 without sex, it was normal to me. But I had no idea that it bothered him because I didn't understand how important sex is in a marriage. I love sex, but in that time we were really stressed. When I'm stressed sex is a lower priority but add birth control to it and it's nothing.

Then I noticed that my husband would take my laptop while I was gone. I had no idea what he was doing, I just thought he wanted to sit in bed and read because he has a pc. Turns out he was watching porn and also would delete all of my stuff. I had to get off the birth control because my doctor advised it. I noticed that I was back to my old self. Then it hit me and all made sense. But at this point I pretty much pushed my husband too much and he was so depressed.

He thought that I was just being a cold ***** and didn't care. I thought he was like me and the stress killed his sex drive like it did mine. We never really discussed it until months later and I felt horrible that he was so depressed and upset. I would never be the kind of wife to hold out on him just because, or make up excuses to get out of sex. 

Communication is SOOOOO important! If the person doesn't want to talk, tell them how hurt you are by the rejection.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> never been rejected with my *current wife*,



I see you know how to fix the problem using the secret code my man.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Go do something that's extremely fun that puts a smile on my face that has nothing to do with her.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

Try again...
Never give up...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Rejection? Whats that?


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## ShutOutbyWife (Jan 22, 2015)

Man, oh, man! When Runs like Dog said "Women are encouraged from childhood to keep a record of everything every man has ever done said thought felt or not done said thought felt and to hold that against him for life, a billion times.", that is right on!! Even though my wife dishonestly says she puts things behind her, I know otherwise. At the most convenient moment for her, she pulls things out of her record book and throws it in my face. I'd thought we'd dealt with the matter and put it behind us. Oh, no. She'd prefer to be a liar, and then dig up old hurts later on to her advantage. Real nice, huh?!!


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Fall in love with someone else :smthumbup:


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

flyer said:


> I tried this for 31 years & it still didn't work. So I gave up, did the 180 & NMMNG thing.
> 
> I have had some thoughts about how one might assist me. If you think you might be interested, PM me.



I'm pretty sure my wife doesn't really care anymore.
I broke my wrist two weeks ago. Had to have surgery last week to install a steel plate. I didn't even want her there with me, so I didn't tell her where the surgery was going to be done. I had my brother take me. She didn't even ask why I didn't want her there.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

After so many rejections, my desire just died. 15 months now without it and I could not care less. I will admit that if she ever showed interest, I would more likely than not reject her. It would feel forced and fake. My hand is more satisfying than that.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

tyler1978 said:


> After so many rejections, my desire just died. 15 months now without it and I could not care less. I will admit that if she ever showed interest, I would more likely than not reject her. It would feel forced and fake. My hand is more satisfying than that.




My sentiments exactly.
I'm almost really more interested in my hobbies/toys than her, at this point.

I am all but positive as to why my FIL had an affair at 65 yrs. old, if the adage "The acorn doesn't fall too far from the tree" has any merit to it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's only an inbred natural human characteristic, that if a person is habitually "shot down" enough in most any endeavor, that the most prevalent humanistic defensive mechanism that is largely employed by them, in order to keep from feeling the sharp, recurrent pain of that rejection, is to simply quit trying and to move on to more worthwhile things!

Much the same way in which a child that touches a hot stove only once, will summarily "learn their lesson" for life!

Sad but true! *


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *It's only an inbred natural human characteristic, that if a person is habitually "shot down" enough in most any endeavor, that the most prevalent humanistic defensive mechanism that is largely employed by them, in order to keep from feeling the sharp, recurrent pain of that rejection, is to simply quit trying and to move on to more worthwhile things!
> 
> Much the same way in which a child that touches a hot stove only once, will summarily "learn their lesson" for life!
> 
> Sad but true! *



:iagree: 
Too bad (for me) it took 33 years to figure it out!! Now, it's really too late.


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## 66impala (Aug 28, 2013)

ROAD TRIP

1: Harley davidson (or what ever your thing is)

2: Destination (4hrs to 4 days all depends)

3: No electronic devices (unplug, it wll be ok)

4: BBQ food


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

66impala said:


> ROAD TRIP
> 
> 1: Harley davidson (or what ever your thing is)
> 
> ...




This is me!!
Goldwing, airplane, guns, boat.
Don't tell her where I'm going, don't invite her to go!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

flyer said:


> This is me!!
> Goldwing, airplane, guns, boat.
> Don't tell her where I'm going, don't invite her to go!!


That's pretty damn sad. Does she know you feel this way? Why not write a thread on this? Get some feedback.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

66impala said:


> ROAD TRIP
> 
> 1: Harley davidson (or what ever your thing is)
> 
> ...



Why wait for rejection? Any old excuse will do!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

And now you know why business travel is so interesting


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> That's pretty damn sad. Does she know you feel this way? Why not write a thread on this? Get some feedback.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know I really need to.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Zouz said:


> racer , this poll is not really just to tackle that a wife rejected few times ; we are talking about a very long of rejection.


In that case "divorce" should be an option.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Provide this link to your wife/husband:

Sexual Rejection's Effect On A Marriage


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

sadsamiam said:


> provide this link to your wife/husband:
> 
> 
> 
> sexual rejection's effect on a marriage



View attachment 32217


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Thank God I'm not married anymore.

No marriage, no expectations.


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