# Longterm Success 10+ Years



## jengon555

Hello everyone. My name is Jennifer, I am 28, and I have been married for 10 and a half years. I would like to share my viewpoint on marriage, and some "tips" for staying together for a long time. 

First of all, both people in the marriage have to want to be married, and stay married forever. If one or both people want to stay married but they don't want to work hard to do it, it's pointless. I think people get married these days without putting a lot of thought into it, you have to honestly want to be married FOREVER. I think that a lot of people are focused on personal happiness, as long as their husband/wife makes them happy they are fine, when something happens that changes that they want to leave the marriage instead of trying to work it out. A couple is made out of two entirely different people, it is impossible for them to want/feel everything exactly the same. The couple will disagree, and there will be a compromise. If you do not want to compromise, then you don't really want to be married, because marriage is all about compromise.

Secondly, there are no "perfect couples". People always think that there are perfect couples, that they will find their soul mate, the one who was meant for them, that they will be madly in-love. And about being in love, that wears off real quick, it's called infatuation. You meet someone, it's awesome, yada yada yada, a couple months later, that feeling is gone. I know people who go from one person to another to another, because they are not "in-love" with that person anymore. What really happened was that you got to know that person, there was nothing new and exciting left, you were bored, and wanted a new exciting person to make you feel all giddy. 

Most importantly, anybody can make a mistake, that does not mean that they don't love you. So many people freak out and make a big deal out of every mistake that a person makes. It is not a big deal. If you can't forgive you will make you and your husbands/wifes lives miserable. If they don't show regret, well, then that is a problem...but my way of thinking is that I can forgive anything once, at least for cheating (if a person is honest enough to confess and get checked for std's) and other non-dangerous things. 

Communication is extremely important. If you have a problem, you need to talk about it and find a solution. If you just get mad and stay mad for hours/days/weeks, then you are really just making your own life miserable. Your husband/wife needs to know that they are doing something that makes you mad/hurts you, etc. so that they can stop doing it. 

All marriages are different, there is no manual, and really no "right" way. What works for one couple will not work for all. It is very hard to compromise, it is hard to not get your way, it is disappointing, so it is very important to have a partner who shares your same emotional/physical needs.


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## gtull1

Congrats on 10 years! Yep, everyone screws up sometimes. Understanding that, in my opinion, is crucial.


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