# Husband now turning down sex after wanting it every day - guys what does this mean?



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I have posted before, my husband has a terrible temper and takes steroids and we fight a LOT. Well he has normally wanted sex almost every day despite being 46, but many people have said that can be a result of some of the steroids he is taking. 

Well we got into a huge fight this weekend, screaming, yelling and bringing up things we fought about months ago. One big thing that came up is I snooped in his e-mail, but I pointed out that I found an e-mail with a pic of a girl from a friend of his and he replied saying "I'd love to do her all night, when can I come and visit?" Well we got in a huge fight all over about this. First he denied that's what he said, but we both saw the e-mail as I made him open it and we both looked at it - this was about a year ago. He actually tried to say his reply was "I bet you want to do that." Well I told him he was full of sh** and if he was right then he could open the e-mail again and prove it. He dropped it after that and sort of just stopped fighting. 

Well today I tried to have sex with him in the morning and he said he couldn't because he had to work out and it would make him too tired. He said how about tonight and I said ok. Well he worked out for 2 hours, came home and went to bed about an hour later. I tried to have sex again and he said his shoulder hurt! WTF??? All I can figure out is he is mad that I brought up that e-mail and is punishing me or something like that. I don't get it at all, but this is a man who has NEVER turned down sex in 16 years and stares at every woman he sees (another reason we fight all the time). 

So any idea why he is doing this? Is it some sort of punishment? After all the crap he has done to me I do not feel this behavior is justified. I am trying to believe he is just tired or whatever, but it just doesn't make sense since he has always wanted sex to an extreme in all the time I have known him. Help!


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

I think he's just mad. Think about it, are you into sex when you're mad at him?


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

No I am not, but the fight was Saturday evening and later at night he said we need to just drop it and we will get past this. He talked instead of screaming and seemed sincere. Then today he was nice otherwise, and didn't bring up the fight again. 

So is he still mad but just not saying he is, but choosing to punish me instead? I guess what I don't get is if he is mad why doesn't he just say he's still upset and discuss it? Just trying to hurt me seems so childish, and it sure doesn't solve any issues.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Trooper said:


> No I am not, but the fight was Saturday evening and later at night he said we need to just drop it and we will get past this. He talked instead of screaming and seemed sincere. Then today he was nice otherwise, and didn't bring up the fight again.
> 
> So is he still mad but just not saying he is, but choosing to punish me instead? I guess what I don't get is if he is mad why doesn't he just say he's still upset and discuss it? Just trying to hurt me seems so childish, and it sure doesn't solve any issues.


yeah, is still probably mad, not trying to punish you, just bit angry, men rarely talk about their emotions, thats why he wont discuss it. At least, thats my take on it.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

You are probably right, which is one of the reasons we fight so much. He will act distant sometimes and he will keep saying things are ok but 3 or 4 days later I will do some little thing that upsets him and he totally overreacts. When I dig, he will finally blurt out something about an issue that came up days or even weeks earlier. 

I get that sometimes people hold things in, but he does this more and more and it is causing a lot of problems. He always tells me NOT to do this and that I need to bring up issues right away and not stew, but he does exactly what he asks me not to do. Honestly, withholding sex is not anything he has done in 16 years and knowing how much he wants it I am really concerned that this means a lot more. 

I think I hit a nerve when I brought up that e-mail, and I wonder if it means more than I realize.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Trooper said:


> You are probably right, which is one of the reasons we fight so much. He will act distant sometimes and he will keep saying things are ok but 3 or 4 days later I will do some little thing that upsets him and he totally overreacts. When I dig, he will finally blurt out something about an issue that came up days or even weeks earlier.


I use to hold things in, but never exploded (prob why I hit rock bottom)



> I think I hit a nerve when I brought up that e-mail, and I wonder if it means more than I realize.


Quite probably, hence the anger and reaction that he wouldn't normally do.
May not mean anything, don't try reading into things that may not be there.


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## loren (Sep 13, 2010)

The number one reason guys turn it down is passive anger. Passive anger is destructive to a relationship as it does not lead to resolution, only discord (google passive aggressive men). I agree your husband could be suffering from "roid rage". If he's up to getting professional help for these issues, that could be very helpful.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have never been asked or approached for sex in my marriage so I can't relate. I think if I were at this point I'd just laugh and ask her what she really wanted and why after a lifetime of being a martinet she switched to pretending to act like a human being. 

At any rate, let's assume she really did ask or suggest it. How? Is she laying there in her sweatpants and hoodie telling you if you want it she'll lay there quietly for 10 minutes? Because even I would say no to that.


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