# Cant let go



## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

Having agreed a seperation after a 17 year relationship I am unable to let go of what we had. I still love my wife very much although it was my decision to seperate because of the amount of time she began spending with her single friends, and the change of appearance, attitude and interests. During the week my wife txts me to tell me things like she loves me, and she doesnt want to move on, she wants to work things out etc. I have become almost addicted to these txts as they give me so much hope only for them to be slashed when she with her friends. She is unable to say she loves me in front of her friends on the telephone although she denies this i am so messed up lonely and sad at the moment with added finance and work pressures. My wife is far better off financially and I am left in a job I hate with a boss who hates me and a mortgage,

Life seems **** right now, when will it get better spending every night and weekend alone is getting me down. I just cant break ties and know she will eventually which will crush me.
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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

Have you guys thought about counseling?


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

We have spoke about this but i feel we drifted too far and we want different things or lifestyles she wants to go out with friends pubs clubs gym wkends away with the girls etc and i like walking, bein at home, doing most stuff together eg cycling weekends away jst peaceful and quiet life.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is there anything the two of you like doing together?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Try dating with a fresh outlook, not reliving what you used to have and see what happens.
It could be that for all you love each other, that you're just too different to make a full time relationship work out. Then again, maybe you two can find some common ground and work from there.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

My wife really likes male attention. During our last separation, I realized I really didn't wish to share her with her "connected male friends" as she calls them.

Given that she was unable to end a friendship - even after agreeing to end it - where she had offered a male friend to be her sex partner during our separation, I told her she needed to choose between our marriage and these friendships.

She told me she would choose our marriage. She wrote notes to her male friends ending their relationships. She then told me she was moving out 20 minutes later.

What people say is one thing.

What they do tells you where they're at.

My wife has never told me she loves me with any of her friends within earshot. This tells me what she values more than her other words.


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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

Mate am sorry to hear that I do believe she believes she loves me but a dnt feel loved when she chose her friends over me, she says I have issues re not trusting her and maybe she is right I do get jealous whe she goes with her friends all the time. Thats why I asked her to move out, we lived together for 13 years and she married me knowing all this we spent most of that time focusing on each other and catching up with our friends every now and again e. g bdays xmas at h up and the likes. This was exte nded by weekends away .spas, lunches etc this changed the whole dynamics of the relationship and has left me anxious, stressed and needy and I have never been a needy person. I am getting no enjoyment from my life at the moment and feel shaky inside all of the time.
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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

You've already let go. You just don't want to. I completley understand that. It might be better if you didn't text your wife. I would call the phone company and have her number blocked. Give her one last call and tell her you are going to block her number, and any other she tries to use to contact you. Your seperated. Seperate. It really depends on your definition of marriage as to what that means though. Does she value her vows and position as a wife to keep them? Do you as a husband? If not, you're better off getting divorced, but that would tell you the trouble right there.

I get the sense you don't trust her by what she's doing. If you don't, you need to tell her that and move on. Instead of hoping she's going to stop what she's doing and go back to the way things were. I would imagine she has new single friends or she has friends that recently divorced and is caught up in their life. It is amazing how contagious it can be.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I hate to break this to you.

You were always needy.

It's just that you weren't under enough pressure for it to show.

Your job now is to get into individual counseling and analyze these feelings with a therapist who will challenge you.

If you want her back, this must be done.

BUT... if you do it with that as your objective, it won't work.

YOU have to be the objective.

YOU have to want to grow up.





hurtinme said:


> Mate am sorry to hear that I do believe she believes she loves me but a dnt feel loved when she chose her friends over me, she says I have issues re not trusting her and maybe she is right I do get jealous whe she goes with her friends all the time. Thats why I asked her to move out, we lived together for 13 years and she married me knowing all this we spent most of that time focusing on each other and catching up with our friends every now and again e. g bdays xmas at h up and the likes. This was exte nded by weekends away .spas, lunches etc this changed the whole dynamics of the relationship and has left me anxious, stressed and needy and I have never been a needy person. I am getting no enjoyment from my life at the moment and feel shaky inside all of the time.
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## hurtinme (Feb 16, 2012)

Mate she has got a very close friend just goin through break up and another friend who is unable to trust men cos she got hurt. These are her cosest friends. Surely the novelty of going out with these friends and away with these friends will eear thin. It will probably be too late for us then but she must see this we are no kids she 40 me 44 ? After spending the day with her yesterda she sent me a txt saying she loves me last night. She wants to spend today together also. Conrad i dont want to grow up really its tough out there for big people, you are right about the challenge thing I never viewed it like that before I thought we both wanted the same and i am quite sure we did until she got tangled in another life.
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