# What Makes Your Spouse a True Partner?



## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

I'm curious about those who are married and happy, what they think about their spouse being a true partner to them?

I was married for only a short time (just over a year). However during much of our marriage I felt that she wasn't a true partner in the things that would help us both out. 

For instance, I had a house that I was preparing to sell in order for us to buy a new house we could both live in. There was a LOT of work to be done on it. But 9 times out of 10, she would say she had other things to do, was tired, had a haircut appt, etc. or she simple would say she wouldn't help me out on a project (i.e. -- asking her to paint a closet. No need to worry about getting paint on the floor as I was refinishing the floors, no need to worry about accuracy, etc. I even had painting clothes so she wouldn't worry about getting her 'work' clothes dirty). I asked her to help me out on things that I could do, but she could do as well so I could work on those things she couldn't do -- for instance, cleaning the windows. She said I should have done that years ago and she wasn't going to do it. Instead she did what she wanted (arranging the kitchen cabinets even though that was the least of my concerns at the moment). 

All in all she helped 'assist' me on 4 different occasions and less than 20 hours. I spent over 250 hours getting the house fixed up. Once the contract was signed, she was right there saying we needed to ensure that the monies were deposited into our joint checking account. That hurt me greatly.

She also wasn't very empathetic when I was stressed about the sale of the house. She 'rolled her eyes' when I met her downstairs after having got up in the middle of the night and asked me what was bothering me. She denied she did it and after 20 minutes of arguing about the fact she DID do it, she said, okay, 'big deal', can't we just move on!?

Then there was the time that we took a vacation out West to meet with my extended family. My brother and I took a bit longer to shoot some prairie dogs on my Uncle's ranch and was royally pissed that I 'neglected' her during that time. My SIL was not pissed but wasn't a big deal to her.

Anyway, I know my marriage is over but I'd like to recognize the warning signs next time that I may consider marrying again. I often wonder whether I'm too sensitive about things, but then again, some of these issues are reflective of her inability to compromise with me. I felt I was doing the majority of trying to make her happy and would get resentful when on the few occasions I would ask for her help, I would get denied.

Any input?


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

I'm sure she was self centered even when you were dating. Did you have sex right off the bat? That sure does seem to close our eyes to the negatives


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

jdlash said:


> I'm sure she was self centered even when you were dating. Did you have sex right off the bat? That sure does seem to close our eyes to the negatives


We only dated for 6 months. 3 of which were mainly spent out-of-town while my Mom was dying of breast cancer. And yes, there were aspects of self-centeredness but at the time I felt there's no one person who is perfect.

Regarding the sex, we waited for about 2 months and you're right -- that does cloud judgement, especially for men.


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