# How about a normal "i dont know what to do" sittuation?



## Sick2003svtcobra (Jan 11, 2012)

I have beeen been marriedfor 13 years abd we got married for the wrong reason. I addpoted her daughter at 3yo and we now have a 7yo together. i love her to death but I am just not attracted to her anymore. There is no chemistry between us other than the children (17,7). I want to do the right thing by my kids but I am miserable. We have sex once or twice a month wich is pitiful! i posted here a while back but i thought things were changing but they have not. Do I just need to man up and leave? Help!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Have you tried marriage counseling? If not, why not?


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## pinklily3 (Apr 3, 2012)

I know when I'm mad at my husband, the last thing I want to do is have sex with him, so if you're fighting maybe resolving the issue may make her more receptive. 

Have you tried asking her if there's anything you can do to help her want sex more? Maybe there's something you can do to spice things up for her, romance her, surprise her, try just being intimate with her and not having sex, if she feels you still care for her, maybe she'll give in to those passions. 

Hope this helps a little


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sounds like while there is mutual feelings of obligation there is a ton of underlying resentment that has not been properly addressed. It sounds like the problem is that you want both of you to have attraction and love for each other, so IMO divorcing or separating does nothing towards fixing that - what it does is frees you to find that with someone else someday but it will not make life easier for you and will not result in what you are looking for anytime in the near future - your happiness is the long term goal.

Most certainly the resentment corresponds to the mutual infidelity you both had, are you certain that it ended for both of you? You likely tried to sweep it all under the rug, the problem is the mess is still there just where you can't see it, you can't ignore it forever. Go to MC and figure out what each of you need from each other to make the relationship work, then just do it, don't overthink it just listen to what she REALLY needs: maybe she just doesn't want to be the one that has to initiate all or even most of the time, maybe she wants someone that takes what he wants more - or else that is completely the wrong approach and what she wants is someone who acknowledges her more and validates her feelings. If you love this woman and want you both to be happy you still have lots more to give... and of course if your eyes or heart are elsewhere and there is some other woman or the possibility of some other woman keeping you from staying checked into your marriage then it is on you whether you want to keep your family together or risk breaking it up in hopes to find a better partner (something that is much more elusive than we are often led to believe).


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