# What Makes You Crave Your Wife



## soccermom (Oct 13, 2010)

*Husbands, what makes you crave and desire your wife?*
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The 2nd night in a row, I got ready for bed hoping for some intimacy, put on pretty panties and from the bathroom I hear zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Prior to this we had one night (10 days ago) where he was drunk and can't really remember our tryst and 2 nights of 2 pump chump action. That is the extent of our intimacy in the past month.

I am at my witts end here. 

I dress nicely and feminine, I wear makeup just so, I exude confidence and sexuality. I am tall, blonde, athletically built with a nice face...I am appreciated by most men. There are two men who are playing with fire and knocking on my sexual door hoping I give up on my man to have an affair with them. And honestly, I NEED to know I am desirable by a man right now..albeit I wish it was my man.

I am constantly showing him I want him, tell him I do, touch him intimately...there is nothing I am not doing. I am sexually very comfortable and express myself that way to my partner. I want to make him feel like he is my sexual king. But alas NADA. Help! 
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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

soccermom said:


> *Husbands, what makes you crave and desire your wife?*
> -------------------------------------------------
> 
> The 2nd night in a row, I got ready for bed hoping for some intimacy, put on pretty panties and from the bathroom I hear zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
> ...


Looking at her.

Checking her painted toenails and toe ring.

Admiring the way she makes sure her panty lines don't show no matter what she's managed to yank up over her bottom.

Seeing the graceful slope of her shoulders and the faint freckles on the top of her sternum.

Sorry - that sort of thing isn't helping you.

************************

Does he like erotic movies?

Do you give him massages? We have a massage candle.

Generally, there's only one part of him that you need to arouse to get the job done.

Any insight into what's worked on that particular part in the past?


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Good grief! Check his pulse. The everyman's club declares that it's not you, if that matters.

But on to an attempt to help: sometimes, I just go crazy when she wears one of my solid dress work shirts and nothing more to bed. Steals my pillow and tells me its because she likes my smell. Never sloppy sweatpants, but casual can shake up the mix. Hair up, and pulled behind her head so I can see her neck. And I think she's figured out that when she rubs the lotion on her legs it turns me into ... well, I won't go there. All I'm saying is that for some guys, it is the non-lingerie moments that liven it up. And I know it can be hard, but if you verbally express the frustration, just to see if its intimidation try complimenting some times when he's been good in that arena.

Honestly, though, you might have to be willing to level with him, if you haven't. If others are knocking on your door, it'll get a reaction if the pulse is there.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

We are both lucky i suppose i actualy enjoy shoe shopping with her and she enjoys discussing topics of sex together... And neither of us demean, devalue, or disregard each others kinks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

When I touch her, I want her. She doesn't really have to do anything special. I'm the High Libido, She isn't low libido but is lower than me. We've actually recently talked about a time when I was low libido. I was working full time, going to school full time, and we had a young toddler. She recalled times when I fell asleep on her or just didn't get into it if we did get it on. I try to recall those memories but can't get why I acted like that back then. I just was. Funny how nature works, my low libido put hers into high gear. I would try to get away from his stresses. Do a weekend in the mountains or something easy like that. Get out of the routine of day to day life. If you can't get away then do his chores so all he has to do is come home to your full body massage, his favorite drink, and a lot of TLC. Also, you can let him know he has competition waiting to provide you with what you need. Ultimately you will need to decide how much you are willing to allow him to take you for granted.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SM,
Sorry but this is the brutal truth. Here is what makes me/and men in general desire their W:
- Not constantly masturbating to porn
- Not having a drinking/drug problem
- Not being in an affair
- Not being on the receiving end of emotionally abusive behavior from their W
- Not having a serious health problem
- Not being a closet homosexual (nothing wrong with being gay - as long as your partner is same sex - it is however kind of rough on an opposite sex partner if they don't know)

That covers most of it. Remove those inhibitors and a man wants his W. And men are different than women. For us sex is like food. The longer we go without the more our desire builds. 




soccermom said:


> *Husbands, what makes you crave and desire your wife?*
> -------------------------------------------------
> 
> The 2nd night in a row, I got ready for bed hoping for some intimacy, put on pretty panties and from the bathroom I hear zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
> ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MEM,

I don't want to pick nits.

But, my ex-wife was as sexually repressed an individual as I've ever encountered.

Sustained poor performance - over an extended period of time - can quench things considerably.

Believe me, she knew it wasn't great. But, she did next to nothing to address it.

For women reading this? If this sounds like you? Get counseling help as soon as you can. It's a guaranteed affair because your man will start doubting himself.

That's not to say "he isn't responsible" for straying. But, I can almost guarantee that you're punching his ticket.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Her Curves... its as simple as that. My wife has always been a pretty woman. WHen i met her she was about 5'9 160 lb, i know that is considered heavy for the majority of the guys on here, but keep in mind i'm black, so its not a big deal at all. 3 kids later, she's not far too far off that weight ( last child born in March ). But i LOVE women with thick thighs and a nice behind. And my wife definately has that. Don't get me wrong, i know the curves that i am so in love with, alot of that is indeed fat, and that is why she goes to the gym now and does weights. I really like the fact that she does the weights, even with weight fluctuations, for her doing lower body weights for all these years still gives her that curvy look. So long story short, all i gotta see is her in her tight sweatpants she wears around the house... let's just say we are lucky to only have 3 kids.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

soccermom said:


> *Husbands, what makes you crave and desire your wife?*
> -------------------------------------------------
> 
> The 2nd night in a row, I got ready for bed hoping for some intimacy, put on pretty panties and from the bathroom I hear zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Was he drunk and passed out or did he fall asleep?

How old are the both of you?

Might want to cool your jets around those other men who are trying to get you in bed.

Be very candid with your husband.


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## soccermom (Oct 13, 2010)

Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. Your wives are fortunate women.

MEM...brutal truth is fine. He does drink nightly, sometimes to excess (he doesn't entirely remember the last time we had sex) and he doesn't like me masturbating so I don't think he is. I would say he is very low libido...enjoys looking more than the act if that makes sense. If he doesn't drink the sex doens't last long at all..I've actually been shocked at how quick.

We're in our mid-40's and very active.

michzz-I was very candid with him on my birthday (Wed) and told him I need him to show me he desires me, that I would love for him to attack me and show me he wants me. His response was defensive BS. That it's not just him, its me too(bs), that he feels pressure now, that I can't ASK him for what I need or he won't want to give it.

HELP


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What makes me crave my wife? I think I must have been hit with a voodoo curse or something. She doesn't go to any special effort to be attractive to me and she's not even pleasant most of the time. All she has to do to turn me on is to show up. Makeup or no makeup, dressed up or down or like a circus clown, it's all good. When she does doll up, it's great but it's certainly not necessary.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Was he always low libido or has something recently changed? How long have you been together?




soccermom said:


> Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. Your wives are fortunate women.
> 
> MEM...brutal truth is fine. He does drink nightly, sometimes to excess (he doesn't entirely remember the last time we had sex) and he doesn't like me masturbating so I don't think he is. I would say he is very low libido...enjoys looking more than the act if that makes sense. If he doesn't drink the sex doens't last long at all..I've actually been shocked at how quick.
> 
> ...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

soccermom said:


> Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. Your wives are fortunate women.
> 
> MEM...brutal truth is fine. He does drink nightly, sometimes to excess (he doesn't entirely remember the last time we had sex) and he doesn't like me masturbating so I don't think he is. I would say he is very low libido...enjoys looking more than the act if that makes sense. If he doesn't drink the sex doens't last long at all..I've actually been shocked at how quick.
> 
> ...


You may have to draw a line in the sand.

Confront the boozing.

Why would he tell you not to please yourself if he is not willing to please you himself?

He needs a reality check about your needs and his lack of husbandly duties.


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## soccermom (Oct 13, 2010)

We've been together a grand total of 1year 4months. 

I was married for 17years previously and never experienced this. What really irks me is that he is always checking out other women and makes an approving 'sound' or grunt if he finds them attractive. And maybe I wouldn't mind that if he grunted or made sounds about how attractive I am to him-but zilch. I've talked to him about this and he said he likes to look at women and "You're not the only beautiful girl are you?" 

Mentioned to him that he doesn't have sex with me unless he's drinking, to which he replied "Guess I can't drink anymore then". But he still does.

When we were dating he was not like this. Before i moved in there was passion, there was lots of sex, there was desire and fun, wild sex. After I moved in, it went down to 2-3 a month IMMEDIATELY.

Ready to give up on all this. Seems like a losing battle doesn't it?:crazy:



MEM11363 said:


> Was he always low libido or has something recently changed? How long have you been together?


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

soccermom said:


> We've been together a grand total of 1year 4months.
> 
> I was married for 17years previously and never experienced this. What really irks me is that he is always checking out other women and makes an approving 'sound' or grunt if he finds them attractive. And maybe I wouldn't mind that if he grunted or made sounds about how attractive I am to him-but zilch. I've talked to him about this and he said he likes to look at women and "You're not the only beautiful girl are you?"
> 
> ...


Sorry you had to learn this about him after the fact. He can't change unless he wants to, and it sounds like there is some underlying bitterness in his comments.

Although my wife and I are about average, her biggest complaint is that she thinks all men want sex every night. Since she suffers from BPD, she falls prey to assumptions that are just not realistic. When I try to talk about the issues, she thinks I'm calling her boring. She doesn't realize that her verbalization of hurt feelings are the primary reason its not more than 2 to 3 times per week, even though her therapist tells her that she is very unrealistic, and the frequently is directly proportional to the number of medications she takes for anxiety and depression. 

I doubt that your approach is making it worse, but only say this to suggest that you might try to find other ways to help him. If you have it within you, many men respond to a woman who makes him feel really special. If you've done this without results, check for a pulse.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

soccermom said:


> We've been together a grand total of 1year 4months.
> 
> I was married for 17years previously and never experienced this. What really irks me is that he is always checking out other women and makes an approving 'sound' or grunt if he finds them attractive. And maybe I wouldn't mind that if he grunted or made sounds about how attractive I am to him-but zilch. I've talked to him about this and he said he likes to look at women and "You're not the only beautiful girl are you?"
> 
> ...


Another possibility, since he's in his forties is a fear of ED. Maybe he's struggled in the last marriage at some point. Would make sense that the more frustration you feel, the more afraid he is. Maybe I'm off base, but the fast action you described is very strange, like he's trying to rush.


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## Xander (Oct 20, 2010)

Here's a question that your OP raises: WHAT TIME ARE YOU GOING TO BED?

I find my SO incredibly sexy. Just looking at her arouses me. But she always wants sex at night, and only after we've already stayed up past bedtime. (This happened to me last night, in fact.) By the time we've actually peeled off our clothes and climbed into bed, I'm practically delirious. My point: even for a high-libido, relatively young couple with serious attraction for one another, exhaustion is a mood killer.

I recommend that when you're both home, walk up to him and simply whisper: "let's go to bed early tonight." Put his hand on your breast if subtlety is not his forte. 

And then actually follow through. 11:30 on a weeknight is not the time to be questioning each other's sex drive. 9:30 or 10:00 is.


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## soccermom (Oct 13, 2010)

takris said:


> Another possibility, since he's in his forties is a fear of ED. ... Would make sense that the more frustration you feel, the more afraid he is. Maybe I'm off base, but the fast action you described is very strange, like he's trying to rush.


*Takris*, thank you for your reply. I think it's more along the lines of PE. I've actually just slid onto him and he's been gone. 30seconds is not uncommon when he hasn't had any booze. The booze obviously makes him last, but he often gets schnaukered and its not at all what I want. I want hot, passionate, lustful sex every blue moon. I want to feel like he desires me.. 

He also had ADHD and is not medicating. So if any of you have experienced a SO with this disorder, it takes a toll on the personal life (i did not know about this before we committed)



xander said:


> Here's a question that your OP raises: WHAT TIME ARE YOU GOING TO BED?


*Xander* thanks for your response. He won't go to bed before 11:30pm. HE hits me up around 1am-2am. I agree, it's not optimal at all. I WANT to go to bed early and make love, but he is not willing.

We've been together for such a short period of time (1year 4months) the intimacy and passion are not supposed to be like this.

It's plain to see there is a lot going on with him and it's not going to change anytime soon. From all the posts that you kind men had posted about 'craving your wife' confirm for me that I am just fine. 

I do love him very much, however if he's not willing to at least look at himself and seek to treat me as I deserve (and I'm not expecting him to), I don't want to live the second half of my life feeling neglected and unwanted. 

Thanks everyone.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SM,
I do feel strongly that it is completely unacceptable to behave one way before marriage and then a totally different/much less loving way after marriage. It sounds like he did that. Did he have a PE issue before you married? because it sounds like he was sexually proficient back then. What has changed.

I personally have the lowest tolerance for folks who are sexually committed/good lovers before marriage and then suddenly become a whole different person after the wedding. And the reason is - that is the main thing you are committing to with your vows. So it comes across as "now that you are a captive audience I can treat you like dirt". 

This is not a chipped shoulder comment. My W was exactly the same sexually before and after the wedding, and even after 3 kids. So I feel lucky. It just seems like there is a lot of deceitful pre-marital behavior where sex is concerned.





soccermom said:


> *Takris*, thank you for your reply. I think it's more along the lines of PE. I've actually just slid onto him and he's been gone. 30seconds is not uncommon when he hasn't had any booze. The booze obviously makes him last, but he often gets schnaukered and its not at all what I want. I want hot, passionate, lustful sex every blue moon. I want to feel like he desires me..
> 
> He also had ADHD and is not medicating. So if any of you have experienced a SO with this disorder, it takes a toll on the personal life (i did not know about this before we committed)
> 
> ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> SM,
> I do feel strongly that it is completely unacceptable to behave one way before marriage and then a totally different/much less loving way after marriage. It sounds like he did that. Did he have a PE issue before you married? because it sounds like he was sexually proficient back then. What has changed.
> 
> I personally have the lowest tolerance for folks who are sexually committed/good lovers before marriage and then suddenly become a whole different person after the wedding. And the reason is - that is the main thing you are committing to with your vows. So it comes across as "now that you are a captive audience I can treat you like dirt".
> ...


MEM,

Some of it is deceit.

Some of it is simple carelessness.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Conrad,
I will buy that it is carelessness until you tell them that their behavior is hurting you. If nothing changes then, I struggle to characterize it as anything other than indifference to their spouse. 





Conrad said:


> MEM,
> 
> Some of it is deceit.
> 
> Some of it is simple carelessness.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Conrad,
> I will buy that it is carelessness until you tell them that their behavior is hurting you. If nothing changes then, I struggle to characterize it as anything other than indifference to their spouse.


Agreed


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