# Wwyd?



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Ladies, something is weighing on me that I need some feedback on. There is an event this summer that goes through our town - well not the town we live in but where we have our lake home - which is like a two bedroom house. Hubby and I knew there was a chance it would go through this summer so we made a pact that we would participate in it and the only people who would stay with us are our kids (only 2 of them doing it) and our best couple's friends. She has never done this event before and is a little nervous about it. It would be a two night stay at our lake home.
Well, through various comments here and there I think this couple has invited her best friend and her sister to stay with us as well. I'm.... floored... floored that someone would think to invite someone else to our house without asking us. 
Sure, we can say sorry we have only room for a couple people - you guys. In fact, we're renting out home out after we leave and we need to leave it in pristine condition. 
For the record, I like the sister and the friend VERY much... and I don't want anyone pissed but I'm pissed.
What would possess someone to invite others and how do I handle it? I want to continue the friendship with all of these people but I feel I'm being taken advantage of. 
I'm also concerned hubby won't back me up on this as he is CA and wants to be everybody's friend.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Yeah, that is pretty strange.

Just be honest and direct with them. Someone has to, right?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I know you asked the ladies for advice but I have actually had exactly the same experience.I own an apt in Manhattan and I hardly ever use it,it belonged to my parents.This is in a high end area and is not party central as you can imagine.I have a lot of relatives in Ireland and one or the other were always asking to stay.The doorman is a very nice guy and one day he rung me to tell me that there were about twenty people staying in my apt the previous weekend and if I didn't sort it then the residents association were going to lodge a complaint.The thing was I had only agreed to three of my cousins,all female staying for their summer break from college.I travelled up that day and went to the apt and it was a complete mess.The doorman and his brother helped me gather everything into a pile of garbage bags and left them in the smallest bedroom.When the girls returned I told them they had abused my hospitality and my parents home and they could stay in the single bedroom or leave.They went back to Ireland three days later.
My point is this is YOUR home and nobody but you has the right to invite anyone to stay.Would you invite some of your family to stay at your friends house without permission.This is unacceptable behaviour and if you're husband hasn't got the backbone to refuse to allow them to stay then you will have to.Make them understand that it is a mutual decision by you and your husband and if they try going directly to him I would revoke the invitation immediately.Why are people so afraid to offend someone who is completely overstepping what is reasonable behaviour.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

That's just it. I would NEVER do that to someone else. I'm simply shocked that people would do this and think it's ok.
Husband has said he will talk to our guy friend. He had better present this as a united front and not just me or I will be livid. 
If I am presented with setting them straight I want to be really nice about it and I'm not quite sure what to say but something about boundaries.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Thing is, what is obvious to some is not obvious to others.

Hence the need for direct, clear communication.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> That's just it. I would NEVER do that to someone else. I'm simply shocked that people would do this and think it's ok.
> Husband has said he will talk to our guy friend. He had better present this as a united front and not just me or I will be livid.
> If I am presented with setting them straight I want to be really nice about it and I'm not quite sure what to say but something about boundaries.


The see you and your husband as soft touches,probably your husband more so.Now I wouldn't be too polite myself but that's a reflection on me not you.Ring your friend and explain to her that you heard she has invited other people on the trip and you were wondering where they were staying.Make it VERY clear that they are not staying in your house and leave the ball in her court.Dont be too worried about coming across as unreasonable because these are not reasonable people you are dealing with.
Simple.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would advise being clear but not abrasive if you want to keep the friendship.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

katies said:


> Ladies, something is weighing on me that I need some feedback on. There is an event this summer that goes through our town - well not the town we live in but where we have our lake home - which is like a two bedroom house. Hubby and I knew there was a chance it would go through this summer so we made a pact that we would participate in it and the only people who would stay with us are our kids (only 2 of them doing it) and our best couple's friends. She has never done this event before and is a little nervous about it. It would be a two night stay at our lake home.
> Well, through various comments here and there I think this couple has invited her best friend and her sister to stay with us as well. I'm.... floored... floored that someone would think to invite someone else to our house without asking us.
> Sure, we can say sorry we have only room for a couple people - you guys. In fact, we're renting out home out after we leave and we need to leave it in pristine condition.
> For the record, I like the sister and the friend VERY much... and I don't want anyone pissed but I'm pissed.
> ...


Be honest, say you have only one spare bed room and that when you extended the invitation is was only for the couple. You could suggest being willing to book a hotel in town (at their expense) to lessen the blow. Your friends have overstepped the boundaries of social etiquette unless they are of a different culture? You have nothing to feel guilty about.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> The see you and your husband as soft touches,probably your husband more so.Now I wouldn't be too polite myself but that's a reflection on me not you.Ring your friend and explain to her that you heard she has invited other people on the trip and you were wondering where they were staying.*Make it VERY clear that they are not staying in your house *and leave the ball in her court.Dont be too worried about coming across as unreasonable because these are not reasonable people you are dealing with.
> Simple.



It seems to me that at some point people become adults and require a certain minimum when it comes to accomodations. In other words, I would hope reiterating what the accommodations are would deter the stampede that your friends caused.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

aine said:


> Be honest, say you have only one spare bed room and that when you extended the invitation is was only for the couple. You could suggest being willing to book a hotel in town (at their expense) to lessen the blow. Your friends have overstepped the boundaries of social etiquette unless they are of a different culture? You have nothing to feel guilty about.



Yes I will tell them it was just for them. There will be no hotels. People scramble to find places to stay as there will be 25k ppl in a town of 10k.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I always think more the merrier, so I would be excited to have more friends to share drinks and laughs with. As long as I get my private bedroom/bathroom to shag my girl whenever I want. But that's me. 

If you don't want them, then tell them. Simple.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

GuyInColorado said:


> I always think more the merrier, so I would be excited to have more friends to share drinks and laughs with. As long as I get my private bedroom/bathroom to shag my girl whenever I want. But that's me.
> 
> If you don't want them, then tell them. Simple.


But you would be ok with your friends inviting their friends to your house? 
You know, the SIL and friend are lovely people, and I will seem like a ***** for saying no. But the fact that the friends invited them seems like such a breach of boundaries I simply cannot comprehend and I'm actually insulted.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> I would advise being clear but not abrasive if you want to keep the friendship.


She needs to make it clear that SHE is offended and quite insulted that someone would take it upon themselves to invite people to stay in a house that they themselves were only guests in.To hell with friendships,these people are leeches and everyone knows the best way to get rid of a leech.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> She needs to make it clear that SHE is offended and quite insulted that someone would take it upon themselves to invite people to stay in a house that they themselves were only guests in.To hell with friendships,these people are leeches and everyone knows the best way to get rid of a leech.


I think there is a nice way to say that I'm offended.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> I think there is a nice way to say that I'm offended.


Well that has worked so well for you in all your other threads hasn't it?


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Well that has worked so well for you in all your other threads hasn't it?


Why are you hanging out in the ladies forum again?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> Why are you hanging out in the ladies forum again?


Your post showed up on the general relationship forum. Try not to throw your toys out of the cradle.When the replies you get suit you then it's ok.When someone disagree with you you attack the poster instead of answering the question.
It's called ad hominem,look it up you may learn something.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Your post showed up on the general relationship forum. Try not to throw your toys out of the cradle.When the replies you get suit you then it's ok.When someone disagree with you you attack the poster instead of answering the question.
> It's called ad hominem,look it up you may learn something.


which is exactly what you did first.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Well from various comments here and there?

So you don't know for sure?

You can play dumb and if they just show up blow a gasket

Or you can pull her aside privatly and ask her. Something like i get the feeling you invited so and so without checking with me first. And then say were renting the place out right after we leave and i wasn't planning on ave so many people to clean up after. But whats kind of bothering me is you invinting them without asking me in the first place. Then i wouldn't have to be having this awarkward conversation with you . I hope you understand.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> which is exactly what you did first.


No,I asked a question.Thats why there was a question mark after the sentence.


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Well from various comments here and there?
> 
> So you don't know for sure?
> 
> ...


this is perfect thank you!


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> No,I asked a question.Thats why there was a question mark after the sentence.


With an implied insult in there because you didn't like me questioning your advice. The "How's that working for you," is insulting.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> With an implied insult in there because you didn't like me questioning your advice. The "How's that working for you," is insulting.


Paranoid much?


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Paranoid much?


and another one...


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katies said:


> and another one...


I admit I have been digging at you but with a purpose.If you were as quick in real life to refuse to let anyone offend you the problem with your holiday home wouldn't exist,you came back at me straight away and rightly so,so why be so passive with your friends.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I admit I have been digging at you but with a purpose.If you were as quick in real life to refuse to let anyone offend you the problem with your holiday home wouldn't exist,you came back at me straight away and rightly so,so why be so passive with your friends.


lol I guess your like father knows best. set a little trap and then teach the lesson.


I'll bite........ Because their friends and you give friends the benefit of doubt until otherwise proven different. Then you can reevaluate your friendship.

or you can try to have a civil discussion with them in case theres a misunderstanding. 


how I do dad?>


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Easy one to answer:

"Hi Bob and Mary. I do not want to step on anyone's toes but we can only accommodate you two for this weekend trip as planned. I'm sorry your friends can not attend. Perhaps better planning for next summers event we can accommodate your friends."


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> The see you and your husband as soft touches,probably your husband more so.Now I wouldn't be too polite myself but that's a reflection on me not you.Ring your friend and explain to her that you heard she has invited other people on the trip and you were wondering where they were staying.Make it VERY clear that they are not staying in your house and leave the ball in her court.Dont be too worried about coming across as unreasonable because these are not reasonable people you are dealing with.
> Simple.


Tell your friend that you would like to invite her friends over for a meal, seeing as they are to be staying in the same town. And could she confirm which hotel they are staying at?


----------



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> Easy one to answer:
> 
> "Hi Bob and Mary. I do not want to step on anyone's toes but we can only accommodate you two for this weekend trip as planned. I'm sorry your friends can not attend. Perhaps better planning for next summers event we can accommodate your friends."


Ha! Yeah, I could say something like that. Although they are really stepping on OUR toes....


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> lol I guess your like father knows best. set a little trap and then teach the lesson.
> 
> 
> I'll bite........ Because their friends and you give friends the benefit of doubt until otherwise proven different. Then you can reevaluate your friendship.
> ...


Very good.Go to the top of the class.Have a cookie(or a joint,either is good)


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

katies said:


> Ha! Yeah, I could say something like that. Although they are really stepping on OUR toes....


Well, yes and no. Your invited friends are stepping on your toes with the invite of their friends, yes. But, it does not play off that way when stated as such. 

Try to be diplomatic about it. If your friends do not understand then perhaps these are friends that you should reconsider as friends. I sure would not want a tense weekend with these folks who don't "get it". What will this couple do next? Loan out your car to their friend?


----------

