# I would like advice on how to proceed with open marriage



## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

I would like to ask my wife for an open marriage.. basically I want to be able to have a FWB. If wife wanted to join in that would be great. Or if she wanted to have a threesome with her friend. 

We have never done this and she might not be up for it.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Have you discussed this possibility with your wife. What are her view on this particular life style ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Sigh...
Don't do it. :redcard::nono::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
Generally marriages won't last after you open that door.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

Sure, getting yourself a few ladies for FWB relationships sounds great. If my husband would go for this I'd love to find a few men (and women) to scratch my itch. What could possibly go wrong?

However, what are the chances your wife will find some guy she likes better and leave? Or, is that the plan?

But seriously, I don't advise even mentioning it to your wife unless you are prepared for the marriage to end.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

You realize your wife will have many more options than you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just _once_ I'd like to be a fly on the wall...


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

Uh.... maybe it should remain fantasy.... It seems after the fact too many things could go wrong... I just wanted to spice it up... but I never thought about the feelings of the other party.. I don't want to end marriage .. we do talk about it during sex... but not any other time... so you think if I mention it she might not like the idea... or she might...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

kivadbd1 said:


> Uh.... maybe it should remain fantasy.... It seems after the fact too many things could go wrong... I just wanted to spice it up... but I never thought about the feelings of the other party.. I don't want to end marriage .. we do talk about it during sex... but not any other time... so you think if I mention it she might not like the idea... or she might...


Go take a long weekend and go to a nice hotel.
Little surprises first.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

kivadbd1 said:


> I would like to ask my wife for an open marriage.. basically I want to be able to have a FWB. If wife wanted to join in that would be great. Or if she wanted to have a threesome with her friend.
> 
> We have never done this and she might not be up for it.


From what I've seen open marriage only work if both partners are enthusiastic about it before one of them has a target to add to the equation.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Do you have children? Do you plan on having children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

older children


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

An open relationship? You know it goes both ways.
Why would you want to allow another man to touch your wife? Almost every time I've read about this, it's the man that ends up getting left. She will eventually get banged by a guy that will tell her "I would never share you." Then boom you're toast. A woman wants to be treasured, If you're willing to let someone else have her, then that means you don't truly love her. 

This is a recipe for divorce. Please tell me you don't have any kids.


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

Maybe I should re think it .... i think I just want to know her fantasies.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

kivadbd1 said:


> Maybe I should re think it .... i think I just want to know her fantasies.


She has fantasies but good luck getting her to expound on them. Fantasies are safe when role playing but it's a huge leap to make them a reality. Living sexual fantasies can leave a lot of baggage.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Cut the porn. It's planting crazy ideas in your head and instead relearn to love your wife again. Work on being a better man to up her attraction for you. If your wife see's your sex rank going up while you're paying her more attention, I guarantee, you'll get the passion you're looking for. 

Open relations, swinging, etc is the path to a broken family.


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

not looking at porn.... but will take advice given


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

As long as I'm married to my wife, I'm not sharing her with anyone. She would have zero desire in sharing me with anyone.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jsmart said:


> An open relationship? You know it goes both ways.
> Why would you want to allow another man to touch your wife? Almost every time I've read about this, it's the man that ends up getting left. She will eventually get banged by a guy that will tell her "I would never share you." Then boom you're toast. *A woman wants to be treasured, If you're willing to let someone else have her, then that means you don't truly love her.
> *
> This is a recipe for divorce. Please tell me you don't have any kids.


I REALLY like this !!
Which in reverse means, if you show your woman that you truly love and cherish her, the sky is the limit in the sex department (with ONLY her)


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Which brings up a question I have. How about watching porn with your wife?
Is that also sharing yourself and your wife, in a sense?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Role playing is an alternative that has the benefits but none of the dangers of an open marriage. It's worth considering it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Keeping this as a fantasy you use to spice things up in the bedroom is a good thing. Sharing or developing your fantasies with each other is also a good thing. Moving these fantasies into the real world can create real problems, and you really have to think through all the possible ways it can go wrong and create unintended consequences.

I speak from experience, as our relationship has involved some form of ethical, consensual non-monogamy for over 15 years. For us, it has been a very positive and rewarding experience, else we'd have stopped long ago. Most people pursuing an open relationship do not have good outcomes - if the divorce rate for monogamous couples is roughly 40%, then the complications of an open marriage can significantly increase that risk. It's rare to jump directly into an open relationship and have it work out - but it can be a reasonable option when you have nothing to lose (when your relationship is already broken and likely to end anyway, for example).

If your relationship is really strong and able to handle frank discussion of such topics, you can talk about it, even if it is only in terms of fantasies and hypotheticals. If you don't _both_ want to pursue it with equal enthusiasm, and don't have essentially the same goals and boundaries in mind, then don't do it for real. I will also say that the open relationship model is the MOST difficult to pursue successfully. The best successes (and millions of couples find success with it) occur in typical couple-swap swinging scenarios, as you do this together, and it is a shared experience, as opposed to doing something separately where you don't always know what's going on. That can create insecurities and needless jealousies, especially if one of you has much greater success (and that's likely to be her). If you already have success with swinging, and your relationship is very strong, then _perhaps _an open model will work for you.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Needless to say you both need to be completely happy with this arrangement. Even then, I think it fails badly much more often than it works.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
For an open marriage to be successful is impossible because "open marriage" is an oxymoron. A marriage is a union between two people that is explicitly designed for monogamy, therefore to "open" it violates its very foundational intention.

So then, if you wish to consider this option you must be aware that your marriage, as thought of in the traditional sense, will end. The relationship that replaces it may still be referred to as a marriage but the description is inaccurate since the qualifiers no longer exist. Having said that, you must understand that in order to participate in an arrangement such as this that you must break your vow, a vow you swore to uphold. If you are not troubled by that then consider what aspects of this new "arrangement" can be altered to fit the current want or desire.

It is indeed a very precarious situation. One I feel that can only be successful when both parties have a full and complete understanding of all the ramifications, possibilities and potentials that could arise. Also, I feel this would be need to be done out of wedlock since breaking a solemn vow at the onset is problematic to say the least. I have tried to think of how many people I know personally who I feel could make this work and I have drawn a blank. It requires a level of understanding that most simply do not have and in my opinion the risks far and away outnumber the rewards. For what it is worth, good luck.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

kivadbd1 said:


> I would like to ask my wife for an open marriage.. basically I want to be able to have a FWB. If wife wanted to join in that would be great. Or if she wanted to have a threesome with her friend.
> 
> We have never done this and she might not be up for it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You haven't answered whether you'd be ok with another man fvcking your wife. Unless you don't actually want an open marriage, just one where you get to fvck other women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maybe ask this guy for some advice...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/281778-crazy-threesome-leads-cheating.html

LOLOLOLOL


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

Every time a guy asks about an open marriage because he wants to get a little strange I always have the same thought...

Does he not know how much easier it will be for his wife to get a little strange than it will be for him?

Sounds like fun when you already have a woman on the side ready to go....won't be so much fun when that ends and you sit home every night while your wife goes out and gets laid.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

From a guy that's had a three-some with two women...

Sure it was great.

But it was also complicated, kinda stressful, and difficult to manage. What it wasn't was relaxing, natural, and a ****-fest.

After, I mostly thought it was a good bucket list thing while single, but not really something I wanted in my life more than that. And I like women a lot.

Would I do it again? Sure.

Would I pursue it? No.

Would I try to convince my wife to do it? No way in hell.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Give some due consideration to the feelings of your W as well as those of your older children, before embarking upon this escapade of self-indulgence!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

yea fantasy is where it stays.... maybe some porn... but it's not worth divorce, or making a mess of things.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Have you spoken to your wife about this?
Most wives will say no. As women, its not in our nature to share our mates. We would start questioning our own sexuality, are we losing your interest, do you still love us?

However, if your women is ok with this because of pass convos and you think she might be ok. Then, hire someone For the evening. When you are finished the next day have a honest talk about likes, dislikes, un/comfortable with. How d you feel when soso and so did this or that? Take some time to digest the whole thing and what happens next. What your limits are. Are you going to doing this together or separate.

Lots to talk about.


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

I think the open thing is too much trouble too much risk... I would like to know her fantasies. Women , how do I get her to tell me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

kivadbd1 said:


> I think the open thing is too much trouble too much risk... I would like to know her fantasies. Women , how do I get her to tell me.


She needs to feel safe and empowered with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

kivadbd1 said:


> I think the open thing is too much trouble too much risk... I would like to know her fantasies. Women , how do I get her to tell me.


You have to look at her internet browsing history. Most women are pretty bad when it comes to the internet, so odds are she just purchased a downloaded hardcopy of something sexually explicit from the local grocery store and keeps them in her masturbatorium. In case you have never seen one, here are a few very extravagant female masturbatoriums in which these women keep there sexually explicit downloads printed out, nicely bound in hard copy and organized for easy access. Almost every house has one and they are always a delight and tranquil place to meditate. Most husbands do not even realize this is where their wives engage in self exploration.































Ironically if husbands are caught in their wives masturbatoriums going through their collection of downloads, it is often a welcomed activity by the wife but you will find the books are boring and missing the HD graphics we so desire. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

you lost me


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## utilitygy415 (Aug 1, 2015)

I agree with the majority, don't do it. Once women are given the opportunity to stray, they will do it without hesitation... that is if you allow it to happen! Whenever I'm intimate with my wife I'll mention if another a guy and I banged her ( in a fantasy world). She enjoys it, it turns her on quite a bit, but in all reality I'd never let another dude plow my wife. A wise man once told me, " If you have a happy wife you'll live a happy life" and that's the bottom line.

Feel free to disagree


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> You have to look at her internet browsing history. Most women are pretty bad when it comes to the internet, so odds are she just purchased a downloaded hardcopy of something sexually explicit from the local grocery store and keeps them in her masturbatorium. In case you have never seen one, here are a few very extravagant female masturbatoriums in which these women keep there sexually explicit downloads printed out, nicely bound in hard copy and organized for easy access. Almost every house has one and they are always a delight and tranquil place to meditate. Most husbands do not even realize this is where their wives engage in self exploration.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Get your damn camera out of my reading nook!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JSmart mentioned porn, if porn is involved remember although it is fantasy and provides an outlet it changes how you look at women, you begin to objectify. It under emotionalizes and hyper sexualizes women and you end up thinking that they don't need emotion, cherishing and affection but they are ready to go for sex (with you) at any time. 

This is not real life and any man who lets his head think otherwise is a fool. You get all stirred up by your fantasy etc but a real woman needs love, cherishing and affection, maybe your time would be better spent perfecting these areas rather than thinking about having sex with others or your wife having sex with other men, it will end in tears, probably your tears.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

morituri said:


> Role playing is an alternative that has the benefits but none of the dangers of an open marriage. It's worth considering it.


Role playing is an outstanding option. My wife and I do this regularly. I'm not talking about french maid costumes or me showing up at the door dressed as a plumber. I'm talking about dressing her up for date nights. I pick her dress, I pick her heels, I pick the place, and sometimes we meet up separately. She will wear anything I provide and she will play any part. Each new character renews the relationship. Guaranteed.

On several occassions where we have met up separately, she has waited for me at the bar at dance clubs. There are sometimes 2 or 3 gentleman making small talk with her and this reminds me that I absolutely must stay on my "A Game" all the time and I am absolutely lucky to have her. Once I make my arrival known, she is all mine. 

Not all husbands are this confident of thier wives nor are this trusting of them and jealousy from a husband not in control of himself can definately cause more issues. Role playing is not for every couple but for those strong enough, it's a solid activity.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

kivadbd1 said:


> you lost me


I'm talking about the romance novels that women read...










If you have ever skimmed through one, some parts are so descriptive that they put penthouse letters to shame. Once you realize that most women read this stuff, you will laugh about how out in the open it is sold at grocery stores while men's girly mags are behind the counter all covered up as not to scare the innocent.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

sounds like too much work.... when does the women invest in the emotion and sex ? why is this always laid at the man's feet. We have sex 2-4 times a week... sometimes a marathon session... but every day is important to me... she has started new job and is busy ..... daughter had baby... I guess she's just tired... but I want sex when I am tired


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

badsanta said:


> I'm talking about the romance novels that women read...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Actually, most women do not read romance novels. It's about 25% who do.

Most women could care less about them.


.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Actually, most women do not read romance novels. It's about 25% who do.
> 
> Most women could care less about them.
> 
> ...


Well for the OP, their sales statistics still count for determining which fictional (fantasy) female stories are at least the most popular:

https://www.rwa.org/p/cm/ld/fid=582

Top 10 popular romance tropes: (1) friends to lovers; (2) soul mate/fate; (3) second chance at love; (4) secret romance; (5) first love; (6) strong hero/heroine; (7) reunited lovers; (8) love triangle; (9) sexy billionaire/millionaire; (10) sassy heroine

Of course that may be out of date as now a days I think it is "second chance at fate vampire/warewolf sexy billionaire tragic love triangle" or something like that.

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Badsanta, I've passed that link on to my wife. She is writing her first novel, and is over two-thirds complete. She may find that site useful. Alas, there are no billionaire vampires in it, so we wonder if it will sell ...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Badsanta, I've passed that link on to my wife. She is writing her first novel, and is over two-thirds complete. She may find that site useful. Alas, there are no billionaire vampires in it, so we wonder if it will sell ...


How about sexy mimes and handsome auctioneers?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> How about sexy mimes and handsome auctioneers?


Hmm. I'll pass the suggestion along for her next book, but I suspect she'd prefer to write about handy mimes and sexy auctioneers. Not a huge difference perhaps, but significant - to her.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mmmmmmmmm sexy mimes! Sure beats uber rich and fantastically perfect vampires!

Romance has a lot more sub-genres today.

I prefer straight up erotica. Heavy on the sex, light on the romance and a whole lotta naughty!
@Married but Happy, hope your wife's novel is a smashing success!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Mmmmmmmmm sexy mimes! Sure beats uber rich and fantastically perfect vampires!
> 
> Romance has a lot more sub-genres today.
> 
> ...


Thank you! There is a good deal of hot erotica in her novel, as well as a good story line and some deep introspection. It doesn't fit any of the standard sub-genres - but maybe that will be a good thing.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

After a long marriage of much frustration, my first wife pulled the "I want an open marriage card" on me, with the threat of bad things / divorce if she didn't get what she wanted. We had 2 small kids and I feared losing access to them, so I (reluctantly) went along with it for a while.

Today, whenever I have to see her in person (only during custody handoff), I smile and visualize pulling a hunting knife through her throat and chin. It's my mantra and it gets me through the interactions I have with her with a smile on my face, nearly a decade later.

I have a huge disk full of her saved online profiles, snap shots, her emails, and 3+ years of recorded phone calls . Archived, organized, and ready to give to my children once they move out on their own as young adults.

Once I thought I should do everything to make my marriage work.

Now .... Consider it a cautionary tale of what can happen to someone pushed into an open marriage.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Anubis: Don't drag your kids through your ex-wife's mud. Does not help them. Only relevant if your wife misrepresents why you guys divorced, you correct the story, and your kids do not believe you and hold it against you for trying to make Mom look bad. Best for the kids if neither of you goes there. Just say "we became incompatible" and be the best Dad you can be.

If you are a trustworthy man of good values and ex-wife is a lying user, over time kids will realize this and clue in to the source of the basic incompatibility. That is your best outcome. Work toward that.

Blowing up your kids to hurt your wife is poor strategy.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Holdingontoit said:


> Anubis: Don't drag your kids through your ex-wife's mud. Does not help them. Only relevant if your wife misrepresents why you guys divorced, you correct the story, and your kids do not believe you and hold it against you for trying to make Mom look bad. Best for the kids if neither of you goes there. Just say "we became incompatible" and be the best Dad you can be.
> 
> If you are a trustworthy man of good values and ex-wife is a lying user, over time kids will realize this and clue in to the source of the basic incompatibility. That is your best outcome. Work toward that.
> 
> Blowing up your kids to hurt your wife is poor strategy.


Holdingontoit,

It's not my plan to mess up my kids. When they are adults, if it comes up, I'll offer them the truth about what happened. They will have the option of declining.

What I didn't go into, because I wanted to keep my post short and sweet (and focus on the intensity of the change that an 'open marriage' has wroght), is that ex-wife has moved the moon and mountains to maintain the appearance of having ever done anything wrong and told my kids (and everyone else) a *LONG* string of lies, and battered me (or anyone else) relentlessly if we dared to challenge them.

To hear it from her, she is pure as the driven snow, wrapped up in the American flag, Motherhood and Apple Pie, and has been wronged by all the mean people.

The truth is that she has affairs dating back to before we married (found on chat log on old laptop years later) and relentlessly lies and manipulates everyone around her. She's done a lot to distort my kids and tell everyone, even my childhood friends, her fictional version of things. I think she actually believes it.

I've had to put up with things like:



Her suddenly taking off on a road trip for 5 days to see an old high school friend a thousand miles away appearing on Discovery channel show, leaving me with my 6-month old daughter, and her coming back strung out on her new psychotropic meds to tell me a) she doesn't recognize her own daughter and b) she let him f**k her in ways she wouldn't do with me, but she knew 'I'd be ok with it'

During post-d visitation, having my young son come up to me and proclaim "You don't give mama enough money! We're too poor" - when I was paying her nearly $5,000 a month, always on time, despite getting 100% of the marital debt and her getting 80% of the marital assets (she hasn't worked in 20 years, btw)

A couple days after we had hysterical sex (one of the very last times) during a final attempt at R, after I said "I don't see this working", she told a GF that she decided she was raped instead (she initialed the sex). She then proceeds to tell everyone she can I raped her. 

A fully recorded phone conversation, while the D was going on and I was living far away, in which she threw a fit, proclaiming that if I didn't "do exactly as she told me" she "would get the following people" (insert list of names here) to say that I was sexually molesting my kids. (I started wearing a Looxcie video recorder during visitation in response to this)

When the open marriage was happening, she was big into BDSM exploration and set up profiles on sites like Alt friend finder and fetlife. A couple of her 'partners' she introduced to the kids as 'friends' despite that supposedly being off limits. She persisted with this fiction and my kids remember some of those people.

Post D, she 'road-tripped' multiple times (in her new car paid for by me) for a week or more to meet up with her new kinky friends, leaving the kids with her mom, but leaving me in the dark so I couldn't exercise right of first refusal on visitation and spend that time with them. On other occasions when they've asked if I could come and stay when them, she told them "He's too busy" (not true).

Now all that Kinky is supposedly settled down, and she remarried her 'twu luv' 2 weeks after the last alimony check. Except she still would see her former 'master' that the kids were introduced to (he even tried to parent my son some). She didn't realize that she synced her phone with kids computer and when I upgrade it I got a couple years of her email, including her meetups with mr former master (and a few guys I didn't know about) as a married woman. My kids think he's 'just a friend' per Biz Markee.

When they were younger, she purposely wouldn't let me talk to the kids whenever she was annoyed with me (multiple recorded admissions)

I could go on with a bunch more jaw droppers, but the thing is....

...during this entire time I have held my tongue because she has used the kids, relentlessly maneuvered them to get her way. And I've let her get away with projecting her lies and image of innocent betrayed ex-wife and morally upright and honorable woman, because.. according to our wonderful anti-male family courts.. they must live with her because she is a woman and I am only good for nothing but paying them lots of money.

So I do the best I can by them, build what relationship I can, and I don't make waves, because when I let something slip, she hears about it (she's trained them tattle) and relentlessly bombards them with her fictional narrative while screaming at me and trying to mess up my next visitation.

In a few year, that situation should be over (they'll all be over 18).

And if a couple years after that my kids should ask me about it, I will ask, much like Morpheus to Neo in the Matrix, if they want the red pill or the blue pill.

Until then, I say nothing.

And it's not my words. It's her own words, recorded and written. And the financial statements, and pictures and the receipts and all the other things I've saved.


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## kivadbd1 (Jul 31, 2015)

I don't think I have a problem with her attraction for me..... we have great sex many times a week... she never says no unless she is just exhausted.... she has mentioned some things during sex that I think she fantasies about... and she knows some of mine... I guess this is the end of the line...well me that nothing much left to do .... done it all except the MMF FFM FMF MFM all that crap that is likely more awkward than rewarding. 

You cant tell me it does not get old. wow that last post was crazy nuts.... 

I would have gone dark web on her.... I am not looking for open marriage maybe just some light fun... I know I said that but I have thought otherwise


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Anubis said:


> .................
> *I have a huge disk full of her saved online profiles, snap shots, her emails, and 3+ years of recorded phone calls . Archived, organized, and ready to give to my children once they move out on their own as young adults.*
> 
> Once I thought I should do everything to make my marriage work.
> ...


Sorry but that is one of the suckiest things a parent could ever do, nothing warrants subjecting your kids to this.

I get that it is painful and I had thoughts of telling my kids that their parents marriage ended because their dad forced us to become sexless/passionless but I would never destroy my kids like that. Instead I have worked hard to have an amicable post divorce relationship with him and at the same time teaching them about what a full life can be.

My guess is that if you went ahead with this that you would end up looking like a spiteful person and lose their respect.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

kivadbd1 said:


> I don't think I have a problem with her attraction for me..... we have great sex many times a week... she never says no unless she is just exhausted.... she has mentioned some things during sex that I think she fantasies about... and she knows some of mine... I guess this is the end of the line...well me that nothing much left to do .... done it all except the MMF FFM FMF MFM all that crap that is likely more awkward than rewarding.
> 
> You cant tell me it does not get old. wow that last post was crazy nuts....
> 
> I would have gone dark web on her.... I am not looking for open marriage maybe just some light fun... I know I said that but I have thought otherwise


I think a lot of couples actually explore this possibility. Perhaps even more than you might think.

My wife and I have been together a lot of years and a handful of years back, when we were both in our middle 40s, we talked openly about our fantasies. 

Interestingly enough, it wasn't really something to spice up our sex life as we already had a very good one. I think it was more a matter of two people who began to feel that they'll never get to experience some of their sexual fantasies. You know, you start to think that if you don't act now, you'll get too old to ever try some of this stuff.

I've had the MFF threesome before in my college years, which by the way, is the only type of threesome I'd ever be a part of. It was different then though. I didn't love either of the two girls involved and wasn't in any kind of relationship with either of them.

Even though my wife liked the ides of a MFF because of the taboo aspect of it for her, we both decided against it ultimately.

We considered these issues before we went any further with the idea. What if it wasn't as good as her fantasy of it was? This question was a big issue for my wife. She really enjoys the fantasy but this type of result could effectively ruin it for her. What if she really, really liked it and then our normal sex became less satisfactory for her by comparison? This was a huge issue for me because then we'd have to continue to pursue a third person for our sexual activities, which I would imagine would be no easy task. Not only that, but what man would want to feel like he's no longer enough to satisfy his woman.

What if she really didn't like me touching another woman, let alone having sex with her? She already wasn't crazy about that idea. She would only initially consent to such an arrangement if I didn't have intercourse with the other woman involved. We would effectively then be having a threesome where I wasn't really allowed to completely participate. Obviously, that wouldn't bode well for me.

What if she preferred the touch of a woman over me? That's not something she had ever really considered and I don't think that's a can of worms potentially that I wished to open. Neither of us actually believed this would be a problem but you just never know, I suppose. Probably best not to go there.

So you see, this particular rabbit hole can go very deep and could be wrought with issues that you may not have considered at first. It's fun to talk about and even more fun to fantasize about together but I wouldn't ever take it any further than that.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Holland said:


> Sorry but that is one of the suckiest things a parent could ever do, nothing warrants subjecting your kids to this.
> 
> I get that it is painful and I had thoughts of telling my kids that their parents marriage ended because their dad forced us to become sexless/passionless but I would never destroy my kids like that. Instead I have worked hard to have an amicable post divorce relationship with him and at the same time teaching them about what a full life can be.
> 
> My guess is that if you went ahead with this that you would end up looking like a spiteful person and lose their respect.


I guess it is better that they continue to believe the numerous lies they have already been told by her.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> we do talk about it during sex


Sex is like a fugue state. The things you do and discuss are often only relevant to the sexual act taking place at the time.

Its like when you're having a dream. The things happening during the dream and the emotions you have seem logical and relevant during but when you wake up, you're like "what the hell was that?"

Its great that your wife opens up her mind during sex but don't mistake the fantasies she has within the safe confines of your relationship with reality. If you bring this up, the first thing that a lot of women are going to feel is unsafe and a little betrayed.

I can't imagine having a husband who'd be ok with some other man putting his hands on me and I'd never be ok with my husband touching or being inside another woman. 

I know some couples do this but I wouldn't be making assumptions about your wife based on bedroom talk. And bringing it up is dangerous. If my husband ever even suggested this, I'd be filing for divorce and I consider myself pretty open minded.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

utilitygy415 said:


> I agree with the majority, don't do it. Once women are given the opportunity to stray, they will do it without hesitation... that is if you allow it to happen!


Believe me, I know about this first hand! If I could do it all over again, I never would have encouraged her to seek "comfort" elsewhere while I was deployed overseas. Like others have stated, she will have many more options and opportunities to canoodle than you will. And after the first time, she may be juggling multiple men as she seeks variety in her "walking Dildo" collection. The only thing that will be "Open" in an open marriage is her!

BOTTOM LINE: Don't Do It!


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## hospitality (Feb 24, 2014)

My best friend and his wife years ago thought it would be a great idea to get started in what is called "sharing" which is sort of like a controlled open relationship. Essentially if either of them were interested in sleeping with someone they would need to be open to each other about it and get permission. No sleeping with friends like me, coworkers you see everyday, people who might blab that they were swingers or generally anyone that made the other spouse uncomfortable. They can see the same person again but not like they are dating, just random dates. I've enjoyed listening to his stories over the years because just about nobody gets to hear years of first hand experiences and the consequences. 

They started out in this lifestyle just like everyone else because all they saw were positives. After all who doesn't want to not get busted for screwing around? But I'm going to write about the reality.

Firstly, just as everyone has already pointed out women have 1000:1 more options. My friend and his wife are about even in sex rank. Both good looking, in shape, 40, professional and fun. Both about an 8/9. All his wife has to do is decide she wants to sleep with someone and she does. She has slept with every married man she has wanted to sleep with. Married men jump at the opportunity when they hear that her husband is ok with it and won't come pounding down their door to notify his wife. Young guys, older men and just about anyone she wants she gets with something like "lets meet for drinks!" 

My friend literally has to date women, flirt with them, work at it for months, and essentially have an EA before most women are even interested in having a relationship with a married man. In fact a lot of the women who are first attracted to him split when he tells them about the situation he and his wife have. If you are comfortable having your wife upgrade to higher ranking men and bang them endlessly then this is a plan for you. But he went for it because when they started out he had already been trying for years to sleep with a married woman at work and when he got permission he did. But that all ended and he was back a square one.

Secondly, just like a romance novel your wife will be all sexted up and horny prior to actually meeting up with the OM for weeks if not months and actually encourage the male to enter into this type of relationship because she is so turned on. Crazy kicky sex makes him believe that this must be a great idea. But once that happens she won't want to be touched for weeks or sometimes months after. Sure he gets a thank you baby BJ or sex when she returns from a weekend but then it all stops. When they first started she would be back into my friend a few weeks after and now that gap has gotten bigger and bigger over time. A few months back she went on a business trip and for a week slept with a married man. Since then zero sex for my friend. 

Lastly, when you disrespect the union of marriage and its traditional boundaries there is little reason to NOT sleep with someone even without permission. Even when they are "taking a break" from the sharing lifestyle they both are still sleeping with other people. Again, his wife is getting way more on the side then my friend or even he knows about. After all, if I got cheating on my wife my relationship would be over so I don't even think about it, but for them what is really going to happen? It's really like doing drugs and having no consequences if you show up to work stoned.

So men if you really want to bang that four that hangs around the local dive bar while your wife bangs hot men at will sign up for this type of lifestyle. Oh, I almost forgot, get use to sleeping downstairs in the guest bedroom and be together "for the kids" after you take part in an open relationship for a few years. His relationship is over!!!


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

We know about 10 swingers couples and they seem to be enjoying thier lifestyles. We also know other couples who occasionally enjoy MFM and FMF experiences but don't swing. It can work, but only a small percentage of our population can actually sustain themselves on that level.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

"I think we should see other people," means, "Ha ha, I already am."
- Phoebe, Friends


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