# I am not enough



## casey2007 (Jan 23, 2014)

I have been married for 10 years. Just found out he is Bi. I love him but cheating is cheating no matter what gender.How should I appoach this matter?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Sorry you're here, Casey..


Does he know you know he cheated?

Who's the OM?

Have you gotten tested for STDs?

Do you have children?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You should check out the "Busted him again" thread in the private forum as well. Another poster is looking for answers on the same stuff. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Agreed, infidelity is infidelity. A trust broken is proof of untrustworthiness. 
Escape now, or accept it as your due reward for becoming involved with him, and waste a lot of time trying to change yourself to please him into faithfulness. 
NAw man... naw....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get your evidence together. Do not confront unless you have 100% proof.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

Just being bisexual in itself is NOT cheating? I am bisexual and I can explain a lot of the thoughts I have and I can probably definitely relate to your husband. Did you mean to accuse him of cheating, do you have concrete proof?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Are you sure he cheated? How did you find out he was bi? One's sexuality doesn't determine fidelity. I can understand being shocked and upset if you found that out, but are you sure he cheated?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

casey2007 said:


> I have been married for 10 years. Just found out he is Bi. I love him but cheating is cheating no matter what gender.How should I appoach this matter?


We need more information.


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## casey2007 (Jan 23, 2014)

I found adds that he posted on m4m site on the ipod on another email address I did not know he left open.There was a few men that answered it and wanted pics and was he a top or bottom,which he answered.


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

So, this might sound harsh but how exactly do you know he is bisexual and not just gay? Do you have a very active sex life, do you feel like you are giving enough and putting in your effort? Other than this, do you have a great stable marriage or problems?


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## casey2007 (Jan 23, 2014)

When he answered one of the emails he said he was bi,and he needed something his wife could not give


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Wow, Casey! Are you going to be able to deal with this, or is this a deal-breaker for you?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Well, cheating is cheating no matter the gender. There are bisexual people who live in open, honest monogamous relationships. But the fact that he is hiding his sexuality and he is cheating and looking to cheat is a big problem.

You have two questions to ask: 1. Could you live in an open and honest relationship with a monogamous bisexual man ?; and 2. If he cheated on you can you work to forgive and reconcile?

If you can't answer yes to both questions, time to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

Some people can embrace this in a relationship and some people can not. I can definitely help you out on moving forward in a healthy relationship with a bisexual person but do not want to waste my words if you are giving up on him....Let me know


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

casey2007 said:


> When he answered one of the emails he said he was bi,and he needed something his wife could not give




First- I'm very sorry you are here.

Second- see a lawyer asap to check your options.
Do not have unprotected sex with your H again- STD prevention
Get checked for stds- 
do a hard 180 and do it for you.


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## casey2007 (Jan 23, 2014)

staystrong said:


> Sorry you're here, Casey..
> 
> 
> Does he know you know he cheated?
> ...


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Get a divorce, then he can freely do whatever he wants. No excuse for cheating ever! Bi, tri, or quad


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## ManiacalMama (Jan 6, 2014)

OP, I'm so sorry for your troubles. I found out the same thing about my husband. The thing is he was cheating on me for years (with men and possibly women), but I had put my blinders on. We are trying to work it out and stay together, but I doubt myself and my decision EVERY DAY. (We have been married 23 years!)

If he hasn't cheated yet, you and he need to get some serious counseling. PRONTO. If you confront and accept his "I'm sorry...nothing happened...I'll never do it again...I was just curious" I guarantee you, he will take it underground and make it very hard for you to know what he's doing. 

You can visit my thread for more of my details.
Again...sorry you're here


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

heyheyitschrish said:


> Some people can embrace this in a relationship and some people can not. I can definitely help you out on moving forward in a healthy relationship with a bisexual person but do not want to waste my words if you are giving up on him....Let me know


I think the first focus here is whether or not she can continue being married to him if he DID get physical with any of the men he has written to...same if he had written to other women, which is something that shouldn't be ruled out, either. If he did meet up and have sex with someone else, that would likely kill any chance of continuing in the marriage, whether he is bisexual or not. If he has not had sex with anyone else (yet) then yes, I agree, you could probably help her to understand him and to be able to work things out with him, in light of this new discovery. Until then, I think it would be best to refrain from using the words "waste my words if you are giving up on him". If he decided to seek sex outside their marriage, rather than tell his wife that he is also attracted to men and that there are things he would like and wants to explore those with her, then HE is the one who gave up on their marriage, not her. He is hiding his activity from her, and isn't honest about himself. Rather than, essentially, reprimanding her about the discovery that her husband is bi, I think it would be better to help her figure out if she wants to continue in a marriage with someone who has cheated. And yes, I would see looking outside the marriage as cheating, even if they have not met up.


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## ManiacalMama (Jan 6, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> ... And yes, I would see looking outside the marriage as cheating, even if they have not met up.


You are right. I should have chose my words better. I meant if he actually got physical with someone. It is a blow just to find out that they are straying in any way, the physical part is the clincher.

MC and IC for both is necessary IMO. Just to explore the possibility of it being a salvageable relationship.


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> I think the first focus here is whether or not she can continue being married to him if he DID get physical with any of the men he has written to...same if he had written to other women, which is something that shouldn't be ruled out, either. If he did meet up and have sex with someone else, that would likely kill any chance of continuing in the marriage, whether he is bisexual or not. If he has not had sex with anyone else (yet) then yes, I agree, you could probably help her to understand him and to be able to work things out with him, in light of this new discovery. Until then, I think it would be best to refrain from using the words "waste my words if you are giving up on him". If he decided to seek sex outside their marriage, rather than tell his wife that he is also attracted to men and that there are things he would like and wants to explore those with her, then HE is the one who gave up on their marriage, not her. He is hiding his activity from her, and isn't honest about himself. Rather than, essentially, reprimanding her about the discovery that her husband is bi, I think it would be better to help her figure out if she wants to continue in a marriage with someone who has cheated. And yes, I would see looking outside the marriage as cheating, even if they have not met up.


I completely agree with everything you said here. I did not mean to phrase what I said rudely at all, just wanted to get her reply and see where she stood with the relationship before I typed out a mini-novel! That is all I meant was that my response would be very long. I guess I worded it wrong, thanks for bringing that to my attention, and my apologies! 
That being said, I think people can still mend relationships after a PA also, with lots and lots of work and counselling for both parties and MC.


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

Have you thought about MMF threeway?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

NovellaBiers said:


> Have you thought about MMF threeway?


Seriously? She comes here because her husband is cheating, and you ask if she's thought about adding people to the bed? :scratchhead:

Could you please explain that logic?


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## heyheyitschrish (Jan 17, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> Seriously? She comes here because her husband is cheating, and you ask if she's thought about adding people to the bed? :scratchhead:
> 
> Could you please explain that logic?


I can see where the person who posted that comment is coming from and where you are coming from also. There is just such a fine line for me (being bisexual myself). I completely disagree with how her husband has gone about his sexuality behind her back and lying, that is W-R-O-N-G and horrible. But I do think that marriages can be great with bisexual partners if the other partner is "into it" and can live out some fantasies or even role play, anything. Marriage with a bisexual IS POSSIBLE (even without adding to the bed).


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

heyheyitschrish said:


> I can see where the person who posted that comment is coming from and where you are coming from also. There is just such a fine line for me (being bisexual myself). I completely disagree with how her husband has gone about his sexuality behind her back and lying, that is W-R-O-N-G and horrible. But I do think that marriages can be great with bisexual partners if the other partner is "into it" and can live out some fantasies or even role play, anything. Marriage with a bisexual IS POSSIBLE (even without adding to the bed).


I'm not saying it's not. But when it appears that ONE partner is monogamous minded, then doing an MMF threeway would be counterproductive to the issue at hand: cheating. I can understand role-playing, if both are into it. But it seems that the previous poster was suggesting actually adding another person (had it been stated MMF RP, that would have been a different story). And that would not be ok for someone who is upset about her spouse cheating.


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Seriously? She comes here because her husband is cheating, and you ask if she's thought about adding people to the bed? :scratchhead:
> 
> Could you please explain that logic?


It's just a reversed scenario of a husband wanting to have MFF threeway. Other than the chatting the husband has done, do we know 100% yet there is cheating going on?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

NovellaBiers said:


> It's just a reversed scenario of a husband wanting to have MFF threeway. Other than the chatting the husband has done, do we know 100% yet there is cheating going on?


Once he started looking outside the marriage, and kept it from his wife, it BECAME cheating. Cheating isn't just having sex.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

NovellaBiers said:


> It's just a reversed scenario of a husband wanting to have MFF threeway. Other than the chatting the husband has done, do we know 100% yet there is cheating going on?


She is here for support and if she was into it, she would have posted on a MMF THREE WAY SITE!!!....Use your head. If you are trying to introduce your lifestyle here, congrats you have said your pitch.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

If you marry and want monogamy, a bisexual partner has to choose you and no one else.

But even if they do and they live by it, they are always denied something.

I guess it is no different than anyone else not cheating, but it feels different. When you can't give your husband a penis, and you would give gimanyrhing inthe world if you could, people need to understand the loss and the inadequacy you are feeling.


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