# Can a long term marriage survive PA tendencies?



## bobbieb65

My H and I have been together 22+, married 20 1/2yrs. We are working through R from his numerous low-level infidelity with the last one being physical. The main reason behind all of it is his passive-aggressiveness towards me. It seems to be at the root of our issues but of course he doesn't totally agree with that. Although he knows he is/can be PA, he doesn't see it being relevant in our relationship. 

We have seen a MC in the past, for about a year but haven't been for the past 7 months. I am making an appointment for next week to get some help with this. My H thinks that all we need is some sort of conflict resolution and everything will be fine. 

I'm asking if anyone here has dealt with an PA spouse/partner and had it work out. After two decades my patience is wearing a bit thin.

Thank you,
bobbieb65


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## Decorum

Does he come off as a conflict avoidance, nice guy, who lacks confidence in some measure, never quite stepping up to leadership and does not seem to have your back?


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## bobbieb65

Why yes, how did you know? We have learned to keep communication open while fighting but we both slip back into old ways from time to time.


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## likeaboss

So he had multiple ea's with one pa? More details please!


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## Openminded

bobbieb65 said:


> My H and I have been together 22+, married 20 1/2yrs. We are working through R from his numerous low-level infidelity with the last one being physical. The main reason behind all of it is his passive-aggressiveness towards me. It seems to be at the root of our issues but of course he doesn't totally agree with that. Although he knows he is/can be PA, he doesn't see it being relevant in our relationship.
> 
> We have seen a MC in the past, for about a year but haven't been for the past 7 months. I am making an appointment for next week to get some help with this. My H thinks that all we need is some sort of conflict resolution and everything will be fine.
> 
> I'm asking if anyone here has dealt with an PA spouse/partner and had it work out. After two decades my patience is wearing a bit thin.
> 
> Thank you,
> bobbieb65


I doubt that I was really a success story although my situation appeared to work for a very long time. I've been married 45 years and am getting a divorce soon. Thirty years ago, my husband had an affair (and denied it). I had a small child and decided to make it work. At the time, I certainly felt I forgave him (and rug-swept a lot). 

A few years ago, his affair partner contacted him again. I told him that I might not forgive him this time and recently I decided I hadn't. So I'm getting out.

But for 45 years I did try. Looking back? I'm not sure that reconciling was the best idea but perhaps I'm rewriting history because I'm leaving.


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