# Need to vent after a L O N G ordeal.



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I am so sick of my STBXH and the abandonment I have had to live through. * The statement - if you really want to know who a person is...watch them through a divorce is the most truthful statement.
*

It was horrible enough that I have had to survive a marriage with affairs, mistress calling me, 2 yr separation with many ex delays and 18 yr marriage over, but find it has been equally maddening to deal with a spouse who has completely went dark. It would be easier legally if he was dead. He ignores emails, doesn't pay the bills, hardly calls his child, completely walked away from all the marriage debt, hasn't paid his taxes, gambled tens of thousands cash away on horses and then has the balls to send me a nasty email last night when I asked a question about our joint credit card. 

He claims in the email that he is broke, has all these bills created by me and how I set him up to fail and that I bled him dry.

If he was in the room I would have stabbed him. Normally I just delete these delusional emails but last night hit a nerve.

Anyone else have a spouse who re-writes all marital history and is completely delusional and blames you for everything?? 

PS - this man who claimed in therapy that I emasculated him and made him feel bad about himself when I would start a conversation about our budget now has a sugar mama who is paying for him to travel with her, pays the dinner bills, gives him money to buy cigars or clothes *BUT I emasculated him.*


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Mine could never take responsibility for anything he did. Everything is always someone else's fault. Even his affair was caused because his best friend died and the 'post traumatic stress' of his friend dying caused him to have an affair with the widow. So he blamed a dead man for his cheating. Sicko. 

He's not a man, he was emasculated a long time before he ever met you.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

They blameshift everything, each and everyone will do it. As sarcastic as it sounds this will be the new normal with him for a while. If he doesn’t blame you for something then you should worry. Don’t even try and set the record straight, no matter what you say they will spin it around. Just let them rant and don’t argue or debate. 

Part of why he is doing it is to work you up, they enjoy that part. It gets under your skin, it does for all of us. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it. If/when the dreamworld falls apart it makes the “I told you so” that much more enjoyable for you.


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## stallion1 (Mar 12, 2014)

honcho said:


> They blameshift everything, each and everyone will do it. As sarcastic as it sounds this will be the new normal with him for a while. If he doesn’t blame you for something then you should worry. Don’t even try and set the record straight, no matter what you say they will spin it around. Just let them rant and don’t argue or debate.
> 
> Part of why he is doing it is to work you up, they enjoy that part. It gets under your skin, it does for all of us. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it. If/when the dreamworld falls apart it makes the “I told you so” that much more enjoyable for you.


my wife is doing this. 180 and me not arguing back has made her go off the deep end. The I told you so is going to come at some point....followed with...."well, have a good life!"


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

I would suggest cutting all financial ties with him. Get the lawyers involved. I don't know what your divorce entails. I don't know if you are divorced yet? 

Sell the house. Find a place you can afford on your own. He will control you financially if you let him. Get your independence back. Tell the lawyers you want this. He also sounds like he will financially ruin you if you let him. 

If you have this drawn up by lawyers, he will be court ordered to pay ex, child support allimony etc. etc. If your not divorced yet, you can have your lawyers in act a temporary court order. It basically gets him paying you now and finalized again in the divorce.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

OP, he sounds like classic narcissist behavior. He sounds very toxic and disorderd.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sweetie, I've yet to hear about a cheater who doesn't re-write marital history, mine included. Its pretty pathetic. Like a three year old who blames the dog when they get caught stealing cookies.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Since STBXH is self employed and has no legal rep, I have had to do everything legally to allow the division of debt and property. This is a very slow process. 

I cannot sell my home without petition to judge since ex refused to sign sale papers, I cannot enforce credit card closures and division of balances without petition to the court. This has been SOOOOO expensive. 

After paying two full retainers and now looking at paying my lawyer another $1000 to wrap up the final judgement documentation I am surprised that so many posters do not run into these same issues. 

Lawyers can do anything requested but the expense and the length of time is incredible!! At least if your self employed and have no lawyer in the state of florida. 

Between getting screwed by the court/lawyer plus the blame shifting and the history re-write by ex, I am at my breaking point with stress. Countdown till the end....


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

You cannot close the joint credit card or take your name off of it? That does not sound right. What credit card company will not allow you to remove your name? I've never heard of such a thing. My wife has an Amex in her name, and I had a card on that account. I was able to call the company and cancel the card, even though it is her account.

There has to be a way to separate the finances while you are getting divorced so that you do not accrue his debt in the meantime. Something doesn't sound right here...


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Florida does seem to have its own unique set of rules regarding divorce. The sad reality is generally in any state the responsible one or the person who tries to follow the rules laid out is the one who gets hammered financially and often bears most of the legal expenses to get it over with. 

It seems the less you care, the less you follow the laws the more you get rewarded in divorce. All I can tell you is while its bad now once his sugar momma gets bored and that life falls apart he will get even worse to deal with. Just keep your focus and get your deal done.

Don’t let the blameshifting get to you as hard as it is. Heck just tell him he is right and he is lucky to be away from you. You are the lucky one in the long run to be getting rid of him. He will learn the hard lesson soon enough.

One of my favorites my stbx tried was when she totaled her car hitting her boyfriend of all people and she blamed me because I was such a monster I forced her to drink so she wasn’t in control when she forgot to stop at the stop sign hitting her boyfriend while barhopping. Even her now ex boyfriend laughs at that one.


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