# i need help to stop being so insecure



## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

Me and my fiancé have been together for 3 yrs and I have always felt like he is cheating I know in my heart that he is not but every serious relationship I had I was cheated on. Well when we first met we were friends he is the type of man that is very social and that's one thing I love about him but now I just stay home with my son I no longer have friends so my son and h are my life he works a lot and I use to work there so I know how it is when there is nothing to do everyone plays around and talks which I'm fine with if its not with the girls I feel like there is no point in talking to the girls unless it is work related well he says he doesn't talk to them but everytime I go by everyone leaves and kind of scatter like if he tells them when I'm around go away there was an incident when we were both workin and one he would talk to thought he was flirting he swears he wasn't I've told him like so many times when you make a girl laugh or have small talk they take it as flirting so just don't talk to them anyways I know it wasn't that bad its not like he cheated but it hurt knowing she thinks he was flirting well I'm so insecure I hate feeling this way I love him so much but its just so hard to trust him fully idk what to do any advise would be appreciated am I just crazy
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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I think it is normal for us to have this kind of concerns. 

But we know clearly this kind of thinking doesn't help our relationship or our own mental health! 

It is a working place, they don't try to hit on at anybody, they can't fool around. An office which allows employees to fool around is not a good place, I think most companies have their rules to restrict office romance. 

The more insecure you feel, the more frustrated you make him feel. Men don't like to be in suffocating relationships. They like to go home to a happy wife, they don't like to go home being interrogated or questioned. 

He can have only one woman, and you are his woman now. Why would he want to cause more trouble in his life? And if you strive to be a wife he loves and he wants, find out what he likes and meet his needs, find out what he likes to talk about and have conversation he enjoys talking, have deep conversation with him, dig out his soul, no woman he knows can compare with you, no woman understands him like you do, you get his heart and body!


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

I wish that the policies were followed at his work place about being with employees but where he works his supervisor and another manager make out and hold each other in front of the other employees and its that kind of place they don't care I do agree with you on him getting frustrated with my insecurities and I try to be his perfect wife but I feel if I let my guard down and let him know I trust him he will take advantage of it 
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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

A man who loves his wife knows very well it is very wrong for him to hurt her emotionally or physically! 

We have to be cautious, but we can't be paranoid. 

We have to let them know this kind of mistake will hurt us like hell, but this kind of warning only needs to be sent occasionally, not often.


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

When we first got serious I was bad at questioning him all the time he just would always make it seem it was in my head but most things weren't and it just made me mad and more insecure I've calmed down since but sometimes I just wanna explode from keeping it all in I wish he could just understand why I feel this way I try to explain but he just makes it into an argument saying I'm crazy but its not like he was an angel other than me and my insecurity everything is great
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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Inlove,

I had to deal with the same issue when I first started dating my husband. 

Westerners in Taiwan are notorious for cheating. 

I would want to know his where about and who he was with. His adult female students invited him for dinner, I didn't want him to go. We had a big fight. There were four students. Once I went to knock on his door early in the morning because he said he had a male friend at his place. I wanted to check it was true or not. 

My husband told me: I wish you were a fly in my bedroom, I wish you could know what I am doing when you are not with me. I am doing all honest things, please don't be suspicious of anything. 

I don't think my insecurity issue was much better until he moved into my apartment and then we got married. 

Our life became routine, he went to work, he came home right away after work, then we spend our time together whenever we are free. We do things together. We visit friends together. 

Now we have been together for about eight years. He has always proved him to be an honest man. 

He loves sex, I give him a lot of sex, I let him explore his fantasies. He loves good food, I cook good food. He loves a nicely organized home, I make our apartment nice and clean. I make his life very comfortable, why would he do silly things to hurt me? 

And for our paranoia and fear, they can't do anything to help us, we have to overcome it on our own. 

Bad things might happen, good things might happen. Let's think more positively, then GOOD THING happen! We can't control future, but we can make sure our present time enjoyable!


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## inlovetfa (Apr 21, 2011)

Thanks for all your advice and input I'm like u I try my best to give him everything he wants/needs and he is a good man he loves to spoil me and our son I guess I just have too much time alone that things pop in my head lol
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