# Oh...my...gosh



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

So life was good, life was great! Around the end of March my husband was acting a little off, but nothing I could put my finger on.... 

It was increasingly becoming noticeable with his memory lapses, and then spike in sexuality, and then on Easter Sunday he was FULL BLOWN MANIC. 

I called the cops to help me get him to the hospital but instead they arrested him, did not believe me when I said he did not hurt me. He was spitting at the cops and they arrested and charged him with DV4. 

In the jail he was assaulted and broke his nose by the sheriff's deputies... 

They did not listen to me explain he was having mental issues, that he needed the hospital. Instead they broke his nose, gave him a concussion and released him with no way to contact anyone in a neighboring city manic and confused he tried to call me but we have a (bogus) no contact order between us. He did not show for his pretrial and a arrest warrant was issued for a second arrest. 

This man is a nuclear engineer, never had a run in with the law, payed his bills. 

I violated the NC and I found him wandering confused along a road between our two cities. I took him home, and patched him up and waited for his step dad to come pick him up. *The next day we got him in the hospital and that is where he has been for almost two weeks. *

I was able to amend the NC order, but I am so angry at our police, I am so angry at the judicial system assuming I am a poor beaten house wife. 

HE DID NOT LAY A BLOODY FINGER ON ME! 

The city is pressing charges against him assuming I would lie. I know wives and partners do that but this is not one of those cases. 

I am in the middle of publishing a book and getting my Real Estate license and now my husband is not working, no money coming in and I am in the middle of trying to get my own career going. 

I cant tell you how pissed and broken I am. 

He diagnosis is now Bipolar 1. 

I am still absorbing all this new crap and just trying to tread water.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

((( HUGS )))

So sorry to hear that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Contact the press and TV in your area. Plus an attorney.

So sorry this happened to you both.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Holy cow. 

I knew police departments are full of bogus people who abuse their power or just don't give a crap, but this is wild.

I'm sorry this happened to you both.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Good Lord!

I'm sorry and praying for you and your family!

I have a little training and if you informed them he needed a mental health professional and they ignored it....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Has he got a history of mental illness? I only ask because people with brain tumours can act very weirdly and get aggressive etc.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Very sad!

The Duluth Model gone plum crazy.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Why us this in the coping with infidelity section ?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> Why us this in the coping with infidelity section ?


He cheated in the past. It was because of (undiagnosed) mental health issues. May not seem like it applies, but if you actually KNOW my saga it makes sense that it is here.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Contact the press and TV in your area. Plus an attorney.
> 
> So sorry this happened to you both.


I will, but I want to get charges dropped if they are not dropped on may 15th IM GOING TO THE PRESS. Im so bloody mad. We are going to sue, but first I want charges dropped. So far he cannot come home. I want him home.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Has he got a history of mental illness? I only ask because people with brain tumours can act very weirdly and get aggressive etc.


he had his first manic episode back in aug 2018, this is his second. He has had a CT scan. It was clean.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Am I right in thinking that he still has legal issues now? If so make sure you get a good attorney for him.

This is just ridiculous. I'm so sorry it went down this way.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Am I right in thinking that he still has legal issues now? If so make sure you get a good attorney for him.
> 
> This is just ridiculous. I'm so sorry it went down this way.


yes. We have an attorney but the legal system moves at a flippen snails pace. I also have my appeal on June 22 against the NC order so he can come home. No assurances that the NC could be lifted. The judge can literally hold it for as long as he feels he should. 

Everyone is saying im a victim, but hell to that ****. I was trying to get him help. 

Im being made out as a liar. When it is all a miss understanding, and an assumption of violence that I am concealing. (he did not touch a hair on my head! so there was no violence) Just an insane, and aggressive mentally ill man. Im sure the officer was trying to protect me, but im tired of being assumed to be a liar. 

Im kinda pissed off at women who do hide and lie about physical abuse. This freaking sucks that no one believes me.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You and your husband have already been through so much because of his mental illness. Your is a case where it would be completely proper for you to get a lawyer and sue the police for handling him wrongly/breaking his nose, because you told them he had mental illness.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I hate to tell you this TLS, but when you called the police in a domestic matter you basically sealed his fate. I suspect your 911 call helped do it. If you have to do anything like this to get a spouse in a mental institution, say they are trying to commit suicide. The police are under no obligation to take a person acting crazy to a mental institution. Did you show up at his arraignment with an attorney? If you want his to get help, get him to check himself into a mental facility. You and your attorney need to be talking to the District Attorney/ADA handling domestic violence.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> I hate to tell you this TLS, but when you called the police in a domestic matter you basically sealed his fate. I suspect your 911 call helped do it. If you have to do anything like this to get a spouse in a mental institution, say they are trying to commit suicide. The police are under no obligation to take a person acting crazy to a mental institution. Did you show up at his arraignment with an attorney? If you want his to get help, get him to check himself into a mental facility. You and your attorney need to be talking to the District Attorney/ADA handling domestic violence.


He has been in a mental hospital for nearly 2 weeks. I went to his arraignment. They did not really care when I tried to explain. I called 911 before when he went wonky, emt and police were called because I was unsure of his compliance in the past. i realize they are under NO obligation, but that is not really much of an excuse on what is right or wrong. Nor him having his face assaulted when under their care of a (clearly mentally unstable person). I realize the law does not care if you are mental. BUT THEY SHOULD. 

So to be clear since I cant understand how it was missed it in my post. He is in a hospital now. been there for 12 days. Because he has been hospitalized he could not help fight the legal battle. His next hearing is May 15. Im hoping charges are dropped. If not we are arming up and going to the news.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

TLS, so sorry for what you are going through. Take care of your health, you need to stay strong for yourself and your family. Can you get yourself a really good gritty lawyer and sue the police. Hope it works out for you.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

TLS, I'm telling you your attorney and you need to be working with the DA before this thing goes before a judge. If the DA recommends modification of the charges, the judge will likely follow. Believe me, you want the DA on in inside of the tent pissing out rather than on the outside pissing in. In respect to the police, they are like electricity; always taking the path of least resistance. Its easier for them to drop a guy of at jail than to monkey around with the processing at a mental facility.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I am so very sorry. How heartbreaking and infuriating. 😞


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> I hate to tell you this TLS, but when you called the police in a domestic matter you basically sealed his fate. I suspect your 911 call helped do it. If you have to do anything like this to get a spouse in a mental institution, say they are trying to commit suicide. The police are under no obligation to take a person acting crazy to a mental institution. Did you show up at his arraignment with an attorney? If you want his to get help, get him to check himself into a mental facility. You and your attorney need to be talking to the District Attorney/ADA handling domestic violence.




I agree with this, even though I know he is in a behavioral facility. TLS, I say this gently, but domestic calls are very volatile and unpredictable. You also say your husband began to spit at police, which tells me he was uncooperative and belligerent on scene. Spitting on a police officer where I live is an automatic felony, usually you get slapped with resisting also. I take it your husband does not have a boatload of charges, so I actuality the officers on scene did cut him some slack. At the jail is a completely different story, has your husband told you what happened at the jail? I don’t agree that he got his nose broken, but I’ve been involved in many scraps at the jail where both prisoners and officers had bones broken. 

Police are in the early stages of behavioral issue training, and they are not clinical staff to recognize mental illnesses. This is a huge issue in the area where I’m at, but you must recognize that by spitting, your husband was clearly in the acting out stage. Sadly, I can tell you that in order to stop physical violence, it must be met with a physical response from the officers. Their response could be one of many, breaking a nose is not a desired response. Also, keep in mind that it is not against the law to be crazy, and most times if it is not legal to petition the person they are released. 

I’m not trying to upset you, but to tell you that both the behavioral and justice systems are very flawed.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

drifting on said:


> I agree with this, even though I know he is in a behavioral facility. TLS, I say this gently, but domestic calls are very volatile and unpredictable. You also say your husband began to spit at police, which tells me he was uncooperative and belligerent on scene. Spitting on a police officer where I live is an automatic felony, usually you get slapped with resisting also. I take it your husband does not have a boatload of charges, so I actuality the officers on scene did cut him some slack. At the jail is a completely different story, has your husband told you what happened at the jail? I don’t agree that he got his nose broken, but I’ve been involved in many scraps at the jail where both prisoners and officers had bones broken.
> 
> Police are in the early stages of behavioral issue training, and they are not clinical staff to recognize mental illnesses. This is a huge issue in the area where I’m at, but you must recognize that by spitting, your husband was clearly in the acting out stage. Sadly, I can tell you that in order to stop physical violence, it must be met with a physical response from the officers. Their response could be one of many, breaking a nose is not a desired response. Also, keep in mind that it is not against the law to be crazy, and most times if it is not legal to petition the person they are released.
> 
> I’m not trying to upset you, but to tell you that both the behavioral and justice systems are very flawed.



Oh no one here is upsetting me. I know you are right that THEY thought they were doing the right thing. But the truth is they were not. Yes I know what happened in the jail. I also got the run around by the (many Departments) about investigating it and pulling the tapes. i know they are not going to give me the tapes but they sure covered eaach others ass before I could get them pulled. They have been recorded over now and there is no way to tell WHAT exactly happened. From what happened he was cuffed behind the back and slammed face first agaisnt the edge of a concrete bench. THEY COULD HAVE KILLED HIM. 

I know now FIRST hand how flawed our system is. 

Im angry, but not at any of you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

This makes me SO grateful to live in the UK.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> This makes me SO grateful to live in the UK.


I would move if I could afford it. Property in England is just so spendy. I would have to move to Ireland. My great grandfather was from Hampshire. I wish it was close enough relation to get dual citizenship... But alas it is not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> I would move if I could afford it. Property in England is just so spendy. I would have to move to Ireland. My great grandfather was from Hampshire. I wish it was close enough relation to get dual citizenship... But alas it is not.


You are right, property is VERY expensive, especially in the south. Rent as well, very expensive. 
At least our police don't beat you up though, so many now have web cams, and what happens after arrest is strictly controlled and filmed. 
One of my children lives in Hampshire. We used to live near there in the next county, expensive area though.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> You are right, property is VERY expensive, especially in the south. Rent as well, very expensive.
> At least our police don't beat you up though, so many now have web cams, and what happens after arrest is strictly controlled and filmed.
> One of my children lives in Hampshire. We used to live near there in the next county, expensive area though.


Yeah, I have relations buried in Alton and Froyle. 'Froyle house' was the house my grandfather was a butler for. The family served the Burningham family back between 1820-1890s. I really want to visit at least. I see pictures and find the area lovely. 

Now with this BS, I think my trip to UK is off the table. I was going to go next spring summer.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Sorry to hear.
Sadly this type stuff happens every day.

Hope ya'll get it worked out for the best.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> Oh no one here is upsetting me. I know you are right that THEY thought they were doing the right thing. But the truth is they were not. Yes I know what happened in the jail. I also got the run around by the (many Departments) about investigating it and pulling the tapes. i know they are not going to give me the tapes but they sure covered eaach others ass before I could get them pulled. They have been recorded over now and there is no way to tell WHAT exactly happened. From what happened he was cuffed behind the back and slammed face first agaisnt the edge of a concrete bench. THEY COULD HAVE KILLED HIM.
> 
> I know now FIRST hand how flawed our system is.
> 
> Im angry, but not at any of you.




TLS

I’m sure you know much of this, but I’m going to put it out here anyway. Many counties are prosecuting domestics without the complaint of the spouse. So even if you don’t press charges the state will anyway. The best decision you can make is to get an attorney, have the attorney argue that the original call was not for domestic reasons but rather an altered mental status. The spitting can be lessened in this argument, but even in an altered state most people know spitting is wrong. What I’m saying is, a mental disorder is not sufficient a reason to be held accountable for his actions. He is competent and not claiming an insanity defense, therefore your husband should know right from wrong even when manic. 

At the jail the officers also need to be held accountable for their actions. Therefore your attorney should be requesting a list of injuries received by the jail officers. If they have none you can now argue how and why your husband sustained a broken nose. How his head was slammed while handcuffed into a concrete bench. Who’s safety was threatened to the degree that his head be slammed into a concrete bench? How many jail officers were on scene when this happened? What was your husband doing prior to his head being slammed? These are questions your attorney needs to be asking. 

In my opinion, it sounds as if the officers were wrong, but I wasn’t there to know this one hundred percent. When I come across a person who spits his head would turned and controlled as to not spit on anyone else. This is not done in a gentle fashion, it is also not done in a way to cause harm to the individual spitting, it is however very uncomfortable. I’m sorry this has happened to you and that your husband appears to have been abused while in custody by officers who are also to protect him.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Move on with your life.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

That’s insanity. Why are you waiting to tell the media? Using it as a bargaining chip?
Hugs 🤗


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear all this. WOW!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Spicy said:


> That’s insanity. Why are you waiting to tell the media? Using it as a bargaining chip?
> Hugs 🤗


I could use it as a bargaining chip, but mostly it is self preservation. I have my own lawsuit settling next week for my car accident that messed up my back and worsened my PTSD. 

Going to the media is going to unleash a **** storm that I am not sure my health and heart can handle. I had a stroke in January, I am 32 years old with three small kids. I am not looking to start something that will worsen my already fragile state. 

I just dont think I can handle much more .... To be perfectly honest.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

OnTheRocks said:


> Move on with your life.


whatever that means.....


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

drifting on said:


> TLS
> 
> I’m sure you know much of this, but I’m going to put it out here anyway. Many counties are prosecuting domestics without the complaint of the spouse. So even if you don’t press charges the state will anyway. The best decision you can make is to get an attorney, have the attorney argue that the original call was not for domestic reasons but rather an altered mental status. The spitting can be lessened in this argument, but even in an altered state most people know spitting is wrong. What I’m saying is, a mental disorder is not sufficient a reason to be held accountable for his actions. He is competent and not claiming an insanity defense, therefore your husband should know right from wrong even when manic.
> 
> ...


*Many counties are prosecuting domestics without the complaint of the spouse. * This is what they are doing. I have also already tried to get to the bottom of what happened in the jail and have been given the run around of, (thats not my department, thats (blank)) then i call that number and they do the same. I tried to be on it before tapes were taped over and they did their cover up job well.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> *Many counties are prosecuting domestics without the complaint of the spouse. * This is what they are doing. I have also already tried to get to the bottom of what happened in the jail and have been given the run around of, (thats not my department, thats (blank)) then i call that number and they do the same. I tried to be on it before tapes were taped over and they did their cover up job well.





Your attorney needs to focus on the fact that you misspoke on the original call to emergency services. Your attorney should mention that your husband was not physically or verbally assaulting you in any way, when in fact he was suffering from altered mental status. People have a tendency to misspeak when the situation around them is chaotic as it would be with a person who is manic and suffering from altered mental status. This can easily look to be a domestic situation, but with you having no injuries it can be argued that it wasn’t a domestic situation at all. 

As for the jail, I don’t know of many who still use tapes, it is generally a DVR that is used in combination with a server and memory. Mention to your lawyer that you want to subpoena all computers with access to viewing the recorded data. Don’t you do it, your health is of the utmost importance, let a lawyer do it. Unfortunately it will cost money, but maybe your attorney will do it with a larger percentage of any damages awarded to you and your husband. It’s worth a shot in my opinion.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I don't have anything to add that will be of help, but I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like a nightmare. I hope this all works out okay for you and your family.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Husband was let out on Monday, (too early) and his parents then called cops on him for being intimidating and dangerous and he went back to the hospital and has not been involuntarily committed. I have no idea how long he will be in... He is now on Lithium and is responding very well to it. but is unable to really discuss his actions while manic without incredible shame and defense for how he thinks everyone sees him. 

I dont really know how to tread here... But anyways. This situation kept unraveling. 

I am working currently (very low pay) as a Beta reader for Romance novels. 20$-50$ PER book I read and review... Not a terrible pay but considering I can only really read one book a day and review it on a good day, and Im not being sent work constantly this is not a wage one can live on and support ones self. 

I am 90% finished now with my course to be a real estate broker... I am still needing to sit for the licensing test too. Still working towards self sufficiency and it is hard with a baby still at home. Im trying, but life keeps crashing in on me. I am gasping for air, but sinking back under as quick as I breath... 

Anyways. I will endure. I'm strong, but at the moment I am feeling very tired, depressed, and ineffective. Why am I financially worth so little... 

Wallowing in self pity. I want to get really drunk, but I'm afraid I will be angry or depressed drunk and those types are no good. 

Bought a lottery ticket for the Mega Millions.... Din't win. So I resign myself to my fate of woe......... 

UGH...FML.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> Husband was let out on Monday, (too early) and his parents then called cops on him for being intimidating and dangerous and he went back to the hospital and has not been involuntarily committed. I have no idea how long he will be in... He is now on Lithium and is responding very well to it. but is unable to really discuss his actions while manic without incredible shame and defense for how he thinks everyone sees him.
> 
> I dont really know how to tread here... But anyways. This situation kept unraveling.
> 
> ...




Hang in there TLS, one day at a time.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

You have a lot on your plate. Do you have a support system?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

SecondWind said:


> You have a lot on your plate. Do you have a support system?


Kinda, My aunt who has been like a grandmother to me is demanding I divorce him to receive 100k. It is not even enough to save the house, or start a new life with. Not even close. She wants me to be a divorce like she was. She divorce a good man while she was pregnant in 1952 because he wanted her to move with him to the east coast. She did not want to go so she divorced him and never let him meet his son and made it impossible for her son to feel comfortable with meetnig his father. She has mental issues like perhaps Munch heusen... She kept her baby boy close so much so that he never dated, gained a LOT of weight and the only success he had was in his writing. He published quite a few books. He died five years ago from cancer.... He had no real life experiences and his mother kept him hobbled to her. 

This woman has been pressuring me and my cousin for years to divorce and move in with our parents so that we can do the same as she.... 

As to cutting HER out of my life, she is dying of cancer. She will be inevitably cut out. Im not so cruel to tell her where to shove it. I am not taking the money, I don't want it. Besides.... It's not enough. 

My parents are concerned, and they feel bad but dont pressure me into wanting a divorce. They know everything and they know my husband very well... They genuinely care about him. 

His step father told me I have to be a saint to put up with him. And his mother is terrified I will divorce him. 

As to support? Ha, my parents live in Hawaii. His parents live 300miles away, and I have friends here who all want to help, but im turning inwards. I dont want help. I just want to get my career on the road, and get financially stable on my own so I dont NEED him. I want him to help with life, but i need to get my footing so that I dont ever NEED him again. 

My support system is myself. I think Im not doing too bad considering.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> Kinda, My aunt who has been like a grandmother to me is demanding I divorce him to receive 100k. It is not even enough to save the house, or start a new life with. Not even close. She wants me to be a divorce like she was. She divorce a good man while she was pregnant in 1952 because he wanted her to move with him to the east coast. She did not want to go so she divorced him and never let him meet his son and made it impossible for her son to feel comfortable with meetnig his father. She has mental issues like perhaps Munch heusen... She kept her baby boy close so much so that he never dated, gained a LOT of weight and the only success he had was in his writing. He published quite a few books. He died five years ago from cancer.... He had no real life experiences and his mother kept him hobbled to her.
> 
> This woman has been pressuring me and my cousin for years to divorce and move in with our parents so that we can do the same as she....
> 
> ...



I think you are managing quite well, your posts make complete sense and yet you have your feet on the ground. Living with a person who suffers from a mental illness is good or volatile, usually not much in between. Going off the rails is common, some medications work and some don’t. One of the biggest issues is when they take the medications then think they are now good and stop taking them. I can’t tell you how many times I see this, how many times a family is so worried. Whatever you do, you don’t tolerate stopping taking of the medications. My best to you, God bless.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

You're another strong lady. 20yr is the other one. Not bitter, just strong.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This varies by legal jurisdiction but typically police do not need the spouse to press charges for DV. 

If they have evidence that a person was acting in a threatening or violent manner, they can make an arrest and make the case even without victim testimony. 

So if there things damaged or throw around in the house or if he was behaving in a hostile or threatening manner when the police arrived, they do not need you to file a complaint in order to make an arrest. 

The fact he was spitting on and resisting and acting violent towards the police sealed his fate in getting cuffed and hauled off to jail. 

It is actually a good thing that police can make an arrest on DV without the victims filing a complaint. DV is considered a crime against society and not just against another individual so police can arrest someone on reasonable suspicion of DV even if the spouse denies it. 

DV also does not have to a physical assault on a person. Damage to household and threats and intimidation and inflicted fear of bodily harm also constitutes DV even if no individual was physically harmed. 

The police did their job in this instance. 

Their role is to intervene in potentially dangerous situations and to place the offender into custody.

It is the role of the prosecutor to determine the actual charges that will be brought forward and the role of the jury and judge to determine guilt or innocence. 

Police do not determine guilt or innocence. They intervene in the crisis and place suspects under custody when there is reasonable suspicion a crime has taken place. 

All of this medical stuff and doctor's testimony and psychological assessments and all of his diagnosis etc etc will be taken into consideration and entered into evidence with the prosecutor and court etc. 

This is why we have lawyers and courts and juries and judges. This is why we have trials. 

Yes, it is a long, slow, complicated process. But that is how it needs to be because it is a complicated issue with many different facets. 

This whole thing sounds like a nightmare and I am sure it was very traumatic and devastating at the time. 

But I am willing to bet that by the time it all washes out, that he is going to have very minimal if any serious charges against him and very little if any criminal sentence. I doubt if he will see one day in jail more than what he has already had. 

Now you may end up with thousands and thousands in lawyer fees and such. But I doubt if there will be much, if any, criminal sentence.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

threelittlestars said:


> *Many counties are prosecuting domestics without the complaint of the spouse. *


As I said in my post above, this is a good thing and how it should be. 

DV is a crime against society and there for does not require an individual complaint. 

If police have a reasonable suspicion that DV took place, then they should take action even if the supposed 'victim' is denying it. 

There are too many victims that are being assaulted and abused that are too afraid to come forward and if action were only taken if the victim were filing complaints, then the DV would be allowed to continue unabated.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Husband is doing well... Does not sound delusional.

They did a blood draw and said he had a fast metabolism and that they needed to up the dose on Lithium. He will be in the facility at least for another four days after to determine if he need more, and to do yet another blood test if that is not right yet. 

Im struggling under the court system... No wonder so many are in the welfare system. The courts are so....I cant even define the frustration. There are no words. Im having a tough time today feeling that things will not settle. 

Money woes... 
Emotional woes... 

Im just about ready to take my licensing test for my Real Estate License. I cant work though until my kids go to Hawaii for 2 months and then they will come back one week before school so I can get to work and then all of the kids will be in school after. I was excited but now I just feel crushing pressure to be successful at it come hell or high water. I am trying not to get worked up...but it is hard.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you are lucky.
there is case after case of cops being called for some deranged family member, and the family members watching in horror as the cops shoot their beloved one to death...thinking he has a gun or something.

Tread very carefully when calling the PoPo!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

He got out of the hospital yesterday. This was the second time in the last month he was hospitalized. The second time it was Involuntary. So there is a second court BS we have to deal with. 

He is still not able to come home. He has a court date on June 5th that I hope will drop all charges... FINGERS CROSSED. I want him back home. He seems 100% better when I talk to him on skype and phone. 

The last time it took almost 2 months to get him out of mania, but this time it was just 2 weeks on Lithium and he is back...like the guy I knew 10 years ago. It is really REALLY weird, but i suppose it is a very good weird. Still not great situation, but it is certainly improving. 

My kids leave for the summer in 25 days and Im excited to have a breather.... I intend on giving myself a special treat over the summer. I know money is not great but surviving all this I deserve a night at the four seasons with room service and spa access. Im gonna take a mini vacation when the boys leave. :nerd:


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I hope things go better for you. You deserve a vacation!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Agree!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

So on the 5th he went to court. I also attended. He and his lawyer decided to do a trial diversion, which basically means BE GOOD FOR TWO YEARS and all of it gets dropped. 

I also through a miracle managed to be allowed to speak and the judge dropped the NC order. They normally never do that. Not until the bare minimum of 60 days had passed. We were on day 46. 

So my husband was allowed to come home, and it has been good. He has been even tempered. 

Today he is back at work. He had to be cleared by government medical and by national security. National security wants more information about the manic episode last year and he has one month to provide that. But for the time being they are allowing him back. They were clear that it is a temporary allowance. He still needs to provide more info, so that they can be sure he IS SAFE to return. 

He will be leaving the job as soon as he gets certified in Digital Marketing automation/engineering. But until then we need medical insurance and income. So we will take what we can get. 

Life is going to return back to somewhat normal... But it has been a tough road to hoe...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

This is a great update!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you screwed up, you trusted the cops. A LOT of parents do the same for their kids, and then watch their kid get shot by the cops...so i guess in a way you are LUCKY!

but how would you know the cops were neanderthals in your area?
stay the heck away from them. Get a good lawyer/advocate for your hubby, and eventually you can clear up his record.

From what i have learned talking to others with bipolar, and their spouses....the drugs have unusual side effects...some sexual dysfunction, etc. Join a good online support group and learn the ropes.

I suspect he will have trouble continuing on as a nuclear engineer, as he will probably lose any security clearances he had. So some retraining might be in order


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

So, my husband has been doing (better) Less of a certain medication has helped him to have more energy, and the lithium med has been great! Unfortunately the medications run out fast and our pharmacy seems to only manage partial refills. NEVER full perscription. Im pretty bothered by that, he is too having to go almost weekly to refill such an important med increases likely hood of missing a dose. 

Emotionally... I feel distant. I feel zero passion for him. I love him. I believe us to be comfortable and friendly, but man... I really want to have sex but something is off. He is not into it. Im possibly not into him... Normally we have sex regularly but I think we did it maybe 3 times since he got back and it was over as soon as it began. Just not great. Not much of a meeting of the minds, maybe just itching a scratch that for me did not itch it at all. Lol 

Sex is not everything though. 

As to working, I found a firm I am working with in training and I will likely sit for my test next week. Then I will start work where I am in training as soon as my license is printed. I bought a new(ish) car. A xc90 volvo. It is a pretty car. I am in love with it. 

Although I gained weight, I am also shopping for my business wardrobe and am excited to look more successful that I feel. 

Life is on a good path for the moment. I hope it stays on this track or jumps to an even better one. 

Im tired of drama.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then don't let drama into your life! Choose wisely! Sounds like a great update.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In the UK there are legal pharmacies that will send prescriptions out by mail.

Is that a possibility where you live?

Is there another pharmacy you can use, locally?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> In the UK there are legal pharmacies that will send prescriptions out by mail.
> 
> Is that a possibility where you live?
> 
> Is there another pharmacy you can use, locally?


Um no.. Other side of the globe.  Washington State USA.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

threelittlestars said:


> Um no.. Other side of the globe.  Washington State USA.


Yeah, but surely there must be similar services?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

There are plenty of mail order pharmacies here in the US.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And Washington's not far from Canada...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I managed today to obtain a 3 months supply. It is all covered for now...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> He will be leaving the job as soon as he gets certified in Digital Marketing automation/engineering. But until then we need medical insurance and income. So we will take what we can get.
> 
> Life is going to return back to somewhat normal... But it has been a tough road to hoe...


I think you are looking at this with rose colored glasses. I would bet he will never get his security clearance back, so any new jobs should be in an industry that does not require one.

Also...good he is studying...but it seems like a common trait of people with mental issues, to retrain for a new job, try it out for a month or two, say it is not for them, and end up unemployed. they always have some "plan" they are working on, but it never comes to fruition. 

I know a relative who got fully trained in HVAC work, and then pissed it all away three months later by not working hard during his tryout period with an actual HVAC installer. He had an excuse why it did not work out, but it was bogus--he did not really try. Not sure WHY he chose HVAC work out of the blue..he had NO experience in that field previously. Considering how desperate companies are to hire trades workers right now....that is saying a lot to be let go! 

So what is the BASIS of him getting this training? And marketing-automation-engineering is not an actual field to study in. Did you mistype that, or is he snowing you? Has he done any work in this area previously?

any chance you can get him classified as disabled, and get some government assistance?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

@threelittlestars, is all ok?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> @threelittlestars, is all ok?


Nah, just a few things talker was saying pissed me off... Kinda the tone of KNOWING IT ALL.... 

my husband has NOT been fired. It is going on two months back at work and he has NOT lost his security clearance. 

And defending that my husband is not some kind of flake who thinks up ideas and never follows through. He always does (school wise) what he intends. Digital marketing and automations IS A CAREER. i have no idea who or what talker is thinking, but I know a FEW people making nearly 100k from home in digital marketing. 

As to my husbands past. YES, he worked at Hewlett packard for like three years while he was in college and has worked part time building websites through the years. 

I am tired of know it alls who think they know every mentally ill person and that all mentally ill people are all the same. They are not. 

THIS IS WHY A LOT OF MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE DONT SEEK HELP. they are afraid to be a subject of assumption.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> Nah, just a few things talker was saying pissed me off... Kinda the tone of KNOWING IT ALL....
> 
> my husband has NOT been fired. It is going on two months back at work and he has NOT lost his security clearance.
> 
> ...


Talker aside, how are things in your home with our husband?

Did you get to spend a night at a hotel with a spa? That really sounded like a fun thing to do!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm glad your husband still has his job. Why don't you have medical coverage? Isn't he a federal employee?

It sounds like you have made some hard choices and worked really hard to take care of your husband and family through these trying time. It's no wonder you're tired.

How are your children?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> I'm glad your husband still has his job. Why don't you have medical coverage? Isn't he a federal employee?
> 
> It sounds like you have made some hard choices and worked really hard to take care of your husband and family through these trying time. It's no wonder you're tired.
> 
> How are your children?


We have medical coverage. Just the pharmacy on our area were out of lithium. Kept running short. Finally got 90 day supply.'

My kids have been with my parents for about 40 days now, and will be home in 31 days. My parents wanted to give me the best opportunity to pass my real estate test and get working before the kids came back home. They start school about 5 DAYS after getting home. So it will be pretty easy for me to start work and have little issue before all three are in school. They are doing very well. My middle son just turned 8 years old two days ago. The baby turned 5 before they left, and the oldest turned 10 right after my husband was arrested. So a lot of brithdays since the end of April. 

My new (ish) car arrives from Hawaii. I need it for my work. A banged up soccer mom kia sedona is not going to help me sell houses. I got myself a cx90 volvo. It is ten years old, but has super loy miles and is pretty pearlized white with tan leather seats. 

I did not go to the spa, but I did buy 1500$ worth of nice clothes and had a salon go to town on bleaching my hair to grey. I had so much grey from stress I looked older than my age. (IM 32) so I had the salon go all grey so it looks stylish and not old and stressed out. 

So in total i spent A LOT on (myself). But I am an investment, and I have been home too long letting my heath decline.... No more. I am looking great and for my husbands birthday we got VR (virtual reality) I am playing boxing games and a game called beat saber and I am reaching 15k-17k steps a day because of it. I am healthier right now and it is because I am also being selfish. But got to take care of myself to start taking care of everyone else better. 

Husband is doing VERY well. TOday we saw his psychiatrist and he says going good. 
No med adjustments this time. 
No fights, not tension. It has been easy. He likes his meds, and we have been putting order back into our lives. Many things have been in chaos. 

Our yard was neglected. Ivy was growing over our house, and trees over grown and (trees of hell) growing all over. Vegetables growing in the grass so that when you mowed it smelled like a tossed salad. i just paid a crew to clean it all up the last two days. 

Our basement that has been a disaster for the last 8 years is the most ordered it has been in that same time frame. 

We hope to tile the kitchen and bathroom floor before our kids get back but time is running out and we are a bit tired. 

Things are very good at the moment, but I know that things can change in a very short time. 
For now I am just trying to get working, and another secondary thing going. If we can do that I can make enough to cover things if they every go haywire again. 

In about six months I hope to be a little less worried and be able to sleep more peacefully.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

My goodness, you have taken charge of your life! Good for you.

I hope the kids are loving their time with your parents. I used to love spending time with my grandparents.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I laughed at the mowing the grass smells like a tossed salad comment. I wish I could garden successfully. I so suck at it. Proud of you for getting some self care. You were way overdue.

A tad envious about the Volvo. Those are one of the safest vehicles IIRC. 

Good job. I'm still here in the dank, humid midwest rooting for you and your family.


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