# It just kills me



## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

Over seven long years I change everything about me to suit this lady and she refused to change one simple thing I asked or her, to simply show me she loved me and that I mattered to her. She has an addiction to pills and omg the money she blew taking 20 to 30 pills a day. For seven years. Ahe paid no rents, utilities, she paid for nothing, I bought both car and truck, I gave her all I had and that's all I asked. We operated so many times I got to where I recorded everything because she would play the victim card and say I abused her. I have the videos and I kick her out once again and she even tries saying it with me having videos of the entire arguement she said I was abusive in. I dont lay my hands on anyone out of anger and shes the one who cannot see that her addiction is out demise. She never had fault at all,vnot one time in seven years she says. Who says that? Wow, I know I had faults and I tried bettering myself and drawing closer to God, while she refused. I just dint get ppl today. Never never never agsinvwill I date a pill head. I know the signs now. Learned lesson. 

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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Addictions are not about you. She is an addict the pills will come first until they don't. Sounds like you are getting off the crazy train. Good for you.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, you need to leave and not look back. 

Then you need to get into some serious therapy for yourself. It's extremely rare to see two people in a long-term relationship with vastly different levels of emotional/psychological health. And, you, my friend, are not the exception. There's something about this woman's baggage that you found attractive enough to stick around for. Which means you have your own baggage you need to deal with.

You've got to figure out why you were willing - eager, even - to "change everything about me to suit this lady". And then keep supporting, giving,_ trying to rescue_, an active addict who clearly wasn't capable of or interested in a balanced and healthy relationship. You, sir, aren't any more emotionally healthy than your partner. You just happen to express your unhealthiness in a different way. 

A good therapist can help you unpack all that baggage and figure out how to be healthier. Because until you figure your own stuff out, you'll just keep picking unhealthy partners for drama-fest relationships that eventually explode into flames. 

Fix your picker before you even think about dating again and getting into another relationship.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

your one fault i can see is that it takes you 7 years to realize you had enough with her, you have a serious shining white knight problem. in trying to save someone from drowning be careful that they do not take you down with them.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

custommultirotor said:


> Over seven long years I change everything about me to suit this lady


There you have it. This is the root of your problems. I wonder if you were so desperate to think that she was the best or the only one you could get that you did whatever to yourself in order to please her. You cave in from the get go. this never works because you deny yourself of who you are, and expecting something in return that should have been a given before the relationship got to point of getting serious. You cannot blame anyone but yourself. help yourself first so that you can eventually be able to help someone else, if possible.

It never cease to amaze me the amount of people that knowingly get involved, and castigate themselves on a daily basis by staying with an addict, mentally unstable or upright loony, or an insanely violent individual, etc. specially during the prime child bearing years; don't these people ever stop to think about biology, genetics and the possibilities of engendering children with a person like this?


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## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

Rowan said:


> OP, you need to leave and not look back.
> 
> Then you need to get into some serious therapy for yourself. It's extremely rare to see two people in a long-term relationship with vastly different levels of emotional/psychological health. And, you, my friend, are not the exception. There's something about this woman's baggage that you found attractive enough to stick around for. Which means you have your own baggage you need to deal with.
> 
> ...


Trust me, I did have my baggage but I felt with it. This was the female me, and I didn't like what I saw. So i changed me and learned from it. I saw the person she could be and i always had hope for that person that was in the background. I dont care what anyone says, addiction is it's own separate entity. It's not the truth person anymore. They are powerless in the background and they will remain there until they hit their own rock bottom. The changes I made bettered me as a person. I saw the same things she was doing in myself. So I didnt like the way I had done ppl. So I changed. We could all use theory living in this day and age I believe. And I know I still have a long ways to go. I'll never be perfect. But finally for once in my life, I'm happy with who I have become. I'm kind, I out other before myself. I care for ppl. I'm at peace with God, and I focus on his will for my life. I had some horrible emotional pain to deal with and did just that while married to this lady. I'm at peace with all that now. The main reason I kept trying was because I know the girl that wasnt addicted. I love her, and always will. But I had to realize that she isnt that lady anymore. And it will take hitting rock bottom for her to see that. She cant hit bottom if I keep picking her up and enabling her. So I'm not. I'm emotionally done at this point. I just look back now that I'm out of the hurricane and I see all the destruction that I could not see while I was in the eye with her. We are all hurricanes to a degree. Some small, some large. But in the center is us and we all feel its calm and its someone else's fault. When we are the ones creating havoc for those we love. Not to be smug, promise I'm not. But I dont need a therapist when I have God. He gives me the wisdom I need to overcome diversity. Out if pain comes change, change equals growth. Guess that's why the say growing pains huh lol lol. Thanks for the advice though. I agree with some of it. But disagree with other parts. That's how we learn though. Is from others. 

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## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

Oh and my picker is fine, she wasnt this way when we married. The death if her son ended up putting her into this addiction. You just assume I picked a drug addict when indeed I didnt. She was classy, and loving when I met her. 

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

custommultirotor said:


> Oh and my picker is fine, she wasnt this way when we married. The death if her son ended up putting her into this addiction. You just assume I picked a drug addict when indeed I didnt. She was classy, and loving when I met her.


Sadly, life can dish out a lot of horrible stuff and many cannot recover from it. It's sad to see someone we love end up like this. Like you say, the drug takes over and the person is really not there anymore.


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## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Sadly, life can dish out a lot of horrible stuff and many cannot recover from it. It's sad to see someone we love end up like this. Like you say, the drug takes over and the person is really not there anymore.


EleGirl, that is so right. It's not the same person by any means. I call the police, the sheriff, I call the Dr, and I call the pharmacy. None of them will so anything to so much as slow her down. Her father gets pills just to give to her and sister. Tried to stop that, they ignore it. So I am left to just slowly watch her kill herself. I told the sheriff when she ODed, I would sue the county. Even showed the police where she was getting them. Nothing. They don't care. It's the hardest thing iv ever done. To sit and watch the love of ur life slowly die. Kills me.

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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

custommultirotor said:


> EleGirl, that is so right. It's not the same person by any means. I call the police, the sheriff, I call the Dr, and I call the pharmacy. None of them will so anything to so much as slow her down. Her father gets pills just to give to her and sister. Tried to stop that, they ignore it. So I am left to just slowly watch her kill herself. I told the sheriff when she ODed, I would sue the county. Even showed the police where she was getting them. Nothing. They don't care. It's the hardest thing iv ever done. To sit and watch the love of ur life slowly die. Kills me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


Sometimes it takes losing everything before an addict can stop. Maybe you should leave to help wake her up but also to save yourself. 

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. _hugs_


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## custommultirotor (Feb 13, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> Sometimes it takes losing everything before an addict can stop. Maybe you should leave to help wake her up but also to save yourself.
> 
> I'm so sorry you're going through all this. _hugs_


I did, I kicked her out. As for our marriage it's been over. Too much has been said and done for me to ever trust her again, or look at her the same. But I will always love the real her. Not in love with her anymore though. I care for her safety, well being, and I truly want her to be happy for once. We have no children together so that makes it less complicated. But it's just hard to watch someone you love do this to their self. I hate it. I'm not going to set here and play the victim card because Lord knows I had my faults also, but never once did i so much as THINK about cheating. She can't say that honestly. She will stop at nothing to get her pills. Let's just say that. The amount of betrayal, and pain that she alone put me through was just too much for me to bare anymore. I was having to give her 360 bucks every 5 days for meds. Now she is 50 and has nothing to her name. All that stopped. And I'll never help her in that way again. Not in that way. I won't enable her ever again. Did that for 7 long years. 

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

custommultirotor said:


> EleGirl, that is so right. It's not the same person by any means. I call the police, the sheriff, I call the Dr, and I call the pharmacy. None of them will so anything to so much as slow her down. Her father gets pills just to give to her and sister. Tried to stop that, they ignore it. So I am left to just slowly watch her kill herself. I told the sheriff when she ODed, I would sue the county. Even showed the police where she was getting them. Nothing. They don't care. It's the hardest thing iv ever done. To sit and watch the love of ur life slowly die. Kills me.


I was married to a guy a very long time ago who suffered an intercranial aneurysm and had to have brain surgery to repair the blood vessel. He was never himself after that. He made new "friends". They knew that he had problems from his medical problems but gave him speed (that's what we called meth in those days). Long story short, it killed him in a few years.

Like you I left him for the same reasons you have left your wife. It's horrible to watch someone you love go down this road. At first it's voluntary, but over time the drugs take over and the person you knew is gone.

Yes some people do get off the drugs and turn it around. But a lot never do. I think that the statistics are that about 70,000 people a year in the US die from drugs every year. But apparently that epidemic is not important enough to get the attention it needs.


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