# Hello, this is my first post here! I have an issue about my wife and I have gotten into an argument about her setting on her step dads lap.



## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Hello, future apologies for a slow response as I have just signed up to this forum in search of help. Anyways, to be straight to the point my wife lost her mother about two weeks ago. She is not currently driving so I have been dropping her off at her parents/step dads house to visit and figure things out. She brought up to me while she was there one day that she sat in his lap and they held each other for 20-30 minutes. When she mentioned this to me I told her that for me it is inappropriate being a 33 year old women doing that while they are alone. I understand every family is different but I see this as highly inappropriate when I told her this her response was "F off, that is my dad and how dare you say something like that" Im not sure what to do about this situation I am very uncomfortable about being close in that I can understand hugging/holding each other but to me this is too much and not alright. Is there any advice y'all can give me? Am I in the wrong for feeling it is inappropriate? Thank you so much for the advice.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Not sure what to say... grief does strange things and I’m not walking in her shoes right now.
For me lap sitting is a very intimate act, I don’t remember sitting on my dad’s lap ever, and I only ever sit on my husband’s lap, so it doesn’t sit well with me. Is lap-sitting a thing that’s ok with her, is she very affectionate with everyone?


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Thanks for the response! You are right her mom passed from stage 4 cancer she had been fighting it for over 5 years. As well yes everyone handles tried in their own way. She was close with her mom and would kiss her on the mouth, and as well with her step dad on our wedding day. Otherwise she will hug other family members/friends of course but never as close as that. I just feel off-put by the situation of them doing that alone and as well being very defensive when expressing that I am not okay with it. After the argument, her step father called me to tell me it is "norma" and that it was like she was "straddling" him which I had not said or accused of anything more which I suppose made me feel even more off-put by the situation. There are many things going on between us and this is just the latest. My wife does have mental illnesses BPD,PTSD,BPD which effects our relationship quite a bit. Sorry for the long message I am very frustrated feeling unrespected that I am not comfortable with it and having my spouse consider my feelings and say okay I won't do that and I understand instead of telling me to F off. Part of me feels like I am over pushing it and on the other note feeling that my opinion and feelings should be respected. If I did something she was not happy or uncomfortable with I would try to not do it in the future considering how she feels.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

warshark5 said:


> Hello, future apologies for a slow response as I have just signed up to this forum in search of help. Anyways, to be straight to the point my wife lost her mother about two weeks ago. She is not currently driving so I have been dropping her off at her parents/step dads house to visit and figure things out. She brought up to me while she was there one day that she sat in his lap and they held each other for 20-30 minutes. When she mentioned this to me I told her that for me it is inappropriate being a 33 year old women doing that while they are alone. I understand every family is different but I see this as highly inappropriate when I told her this her response was "F off, that is my dad and how dare you say something like that" Im not sure what to do about this situation I am very uncomfortable about being close in that I can understand hugging/holding each other but to me this is too much and not alright. Is there any advice y'all can give me? Am I in the wrong for feeling it is inappropriate? Thank you so much for the advice.


You're not in the wrong for having your own feelings and opinions. Should you be telling your wife how she is allowed to be comforted (within reason)? No. Should you be sexualizing this? No. 

When does a person age out of being allowed to receive comfort from their parent? Her mom died... If she needed to revert a bit and get comfort from her step-dad so be it. 

Why are you sexualizing this?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

warshark5 said:


> She brought up to me while she was there one day that she *sat in his lap and they held each other for 20-30 minutes. *When she mentioned this to me I told her that for me it is inappropriate being a 33 year old women doing that.


Totally inappropriate. The rest of that post doesn’t matter. If you aren’t concerned you should be.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

It was not meant to be sexualized, not trying to suggest that she should not be comforted she needs all the support she can get. I feel like it is inappropriate to do that but again every family Is different. Maybe I could have found a better way to present my feelings and opinion about the situation to her, I do not feel like yelling an F off was an okay thing as well. I understand needing support but setting on her step dads lap is a bit much for me.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

We have been married for not even a year and have had several issues I met her while she lived with her parents still about two years ago. I respect her opinion and concerns if she was not happy with an action I did I would not do it anymore not tell her to F off. I feel like I am not treated like a husband but more of a roommate. And a side note the step dad calling me telling me that she was not straddling him sexualized it for me. I had not accused and or suggested anything like that. Just that I was not comfortable with it


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I don’t think you were sexualising it at all, as I said different things are ok in different families.
Not something we do in our families. We are all affectionate, but no lap-sitting or lip-kissing between extended members on both mine and my husband’s side. Kissing on lips and lap sitting is done between couples only.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The defensive reaction on both her and stepdads side is concerning and am I right that she ran crying to him about what you said?

my hb and I have had issues between family members, but we don’t run to the outside member and have a rant about it, so it’s this that I don’t like. She should have talked about it with you, not him.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

I apologize Lucky I was not referring to your post regarding the sexualizing things I am still trying to figure out hose the forum works. I am not too good at computers. My family is not at all affectionate we do not hug, kiss, or say I love you most of the time. I don't see anything wrong with kissing extended family members they are all related and it is a sign of affection which totally cool with no worries at all. For an example say on our wedding night my wife kissed her mom, step father, and a couple of close family members on the lips through the night its awesome that they are close like that. Just not everyones family is like that. Just sitting on step dads lap being a full horn woman alone together for an extended period of time is off for me.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

warshark5 said:


> It was not meant to be sexualized, not trying to suggest that she should not be comforted she needs all the support she can get. I feel like it is inappropriate to do that but again every family Is different. Maybe I could have found a better way to present my feelings and opinion about the situation to her, I do not feel like yelling an F off was an okay thing as well.


She probably could have reacted better but let's not forget that she just lost a parent and you're criticizing her for trying to cope with the loss.

If you're unhappy with your marriage or being married to someone with mental illness, then do something about it. You don't need to go searching for other reasons to end it or be unhappy. 



> I understand needing support but setting on her step dads lap is a bit much for me.


That's the thing. It's a bit much, for YOU. She didn't ask you to sit on your dad's lap and this really isn't about you. Her MOM died and you're turning this into some huge issue. This is a one time thing after a huge loss in her life. 

I have a "step" daughter. Right now the only time she sits on my lap or cuddles into me is when she's upset. I have no clue when that will end but if she needs me to hold her and comfort her when she's 30 because her mom died, so be it. She won't suddenly stop being my little girl just because she's a certain age.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

warshark5 said:


> Just sitting on step dads lap being a full horn woman alone together for an extended period of time is off for me.


Would you have felt the same way if it was her biological father?


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

My wife is very close to her family and always has been. I am happy she can have that kind of relationship and thank you I felt the same about bringing it up and mentioning about not feeling alright to meet an almost aggressive defense. I mean we are all adults and why can it not have been talked about calmly. My wife and I have had issues in the past that she has gone to her parents for approvals of what decision to make. She will ask for mine but if it differs from her family it has always been the families final verdict. Again, I do not feel respected as a husband and that why ask me my opinion if you are going to immediately call your parents in front of me and do what they say anyways? I am sorry just ranting now. I appreciate everyones opinion and advice.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I don't like her telling you to **** Off.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

warshark5 said:


> My wife is very close to her family and always has been. I am happy she can have that kind of relationship and thank you I felt the same about bringing it up and mentioning about not feeling alright to meet an almost aggressive defense. I mean we are all adults and why can it not have been talked about calmly. My wife and I have had issues in the past that she has gone to her parents for approvals of what decision to make. She will ask for mine but if it differs from her family it has always been the families final verdict. Again, I do not feel respected as a husband and that why ask me my opinion if you are going to immediately call your parents in front of me and do what they say anyways? I am sorry just ranting now. I appreciate everyones opinion and advice.


So you're pissed and resentful that she goes to her parents for everything, including comfort. Understandable, but I still think you're overreacting about the lap sitting. The rest of the stuff is a big issue for sure and that does need to be dealt with.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bluesclues said:


> Would you have felt the same way if it was her biological father?


It isn’t her biological father though is it?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm an adult woman. I sat on people's laps when I was a little girl.

I don't know any women in their 30s who would be comfortable sitting in their stepfather's lap.

I have children who are no longer minors. No way would it feel any kind of appropriate for them to sit in my lap, no matter who had died.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Bobert, you are correct, she is trying to cope with her loss. It was not my intent to "criticize" her. I am unhappy with what our marriage has become leading up to this and am trying to do what I can to change that, it has been issues with me and her as well. I am not looking for reasons to end it nor would I go to there internet to get it. I am here trying to understand and look for advice on how to talk and resolve the situation. I wish I could explain more into our relationship and what has happened in the past. Our most recent argument was not about what had recently happened with her step dad. A part I have not mentioned that has also led to me feeling unhappy about this is her step dad had not been feeling well(sickly) with covid and what not it is a big deal I take care of my 82 year old grandmother and my father. Long story short he is positive for covid as well not me and my wife are also positive. It upsets me not that she is looking for comfort but to be so close knowing he was feeling ill and there was a possibility he had something. Now it has been brought to our home and we have to worry about the two family members we take care of. I am not trying to make her feel bad or talk badly about looking for comfort but there is a certain area for ME that is not okay. I see your point and thank you for your opinion and advice very much


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Bluesclues and marc878, it is her step father of about 7 years. It would be different if it was her biological father. but being a step father seems different to me(apologies if that offends any step fathers out there) not saying a lack of love or caring from a step father


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Trident said:


> I don't like her telling you to **** Off.





warshark5 said:


> We have been married for not even a year and have had several issues I met her while she lived with her parents still about two years ago. I respect her opinion and concerns if she was not happy with an action I did I would not do it anymore not tell her to F off. I feel like I am not treated like a husband but more of a roommate. And a side note the step dad calling me telling me that she was not straddling him sexualized it for me. I had not accused and or suggested anything like that. Just that I was not comfortable with it


I’m not sure with all you’ve posted that you realize what you married.

Many are doormats and will want to save the marriage at all cost. That’s usually at the doormats expense.

It I were you I’d take a step back and do some heavy thinking. You don’t have a lot of time invested in this. Sometimes if you get dealt a bad hand it’s better to fold than play it out.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

warshark5 said:


> Bluesclues and marc878, it is *her step father of about 7 years*. It would be different if it was her biological father. but being a step father seems different to me(apologies if that offends any step fathers out there) not saying a lack of love or caring from a step father


hmmmmm, not that long.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Marc878 said:


> hmmmmm


The wife's mental illnesses may make her cling to people more quickly or in more unhealthy ways than a "normal" person.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

bobert said:


> The wife's mental illnesses may make her cling to people more quickly or in more unhealthy ways than a "normal" person.


Got that but it doesn’t make it right or heathy either.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

warshark5 said:


> Bobert, you are correct, she is trying to cope with her loss. It was not my intent to "criticize" her. I am unhappy with what our marriage has become leading up to this and am trying to do what I can to change that, it has been issues with me and her as well. I am not looking for reasons to end it nor would I go to there internet to get it. I am here trying to understand and look for advice on how to talk and resolve the situation. I wish I could explain more into our relationship and what has happened in the past.


You are doing what you can to change the marriage, but is she doing her part as well? It takes two. The more you say about your situation, the more people will be able to help you. From what you've written so far, your story doesn't sound very unique. 



> Our most recent argument was not about what had recently happened with her step dad. A part I have not mentioned that has also led to me feeling unhappy about this is her step dad had not been feeling well(sickly) with covid and what not it is a big deal I take care of my 82 year old grandmother and my father. Long story short he is positive for covid as well not me and my wife are also positive. It upsets me not that she is looking for comfort but to be so close knowing he was feeling ill and there was a possibility he had something. Now it has been brought to our home and we have to worry about the two family members we take care of. I am not trying to make her feel bad or talk badly about looking for comfort but there is a certain area for ME that is not okay. I see your point and thank you for your opinion and advice very much


Again, she just lost a parent. What was she supposed to do, not see her mom while she was dying? I assume her step-father was there. Yes, she probably shouldn't have been so close to her step-father knowing that he was sick but things like that are easily forgotten in moments like this. 

In normal circumstances, I'd agree that you should be pissed that she'd risk your health, your father's health, your grandmother's health, etc. I think this is one circumstance that needs some understanding and grace. Does she usually care more about their health, or is this part of a pattern?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Marc878 said:


> Got that but it doesn’t make it right or healthy either.


Doesn't necessarily make it (lap-sitting) wrong or unhealthy either.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

bobert said:


> Doesn't necessarily make it (lap-sitting) wrong or unhealthy either.


Your opinion not mine.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Thank you Marc878 for the advice. I want to have things work but as well I feel like a caretaker. More than what mental problems she has which I can work with. It does add that she is not working since about 2 months after we were married and does not to get one. I don't mind I am happy to work(I run my own resto business on vehicles from the 1920s-1980s) it is difficult as my wife does not want to clean around the house, help with paper work with the business, I feel bad for just complaining about her. She is wonderful and an awesome person to be around. It is stressful working, doing the bills, taxes,cooking(love to cook but it sucks she does not like to help clean up the dishes after cook in the evening) The more I talk here the more I see really just a one sided relationship it has become. I am sorry I bothered y'all about this and thank you again for the time you took to talk to me and express you opinions and advice!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

@warshark5, I think you came here focusing on the wrong problem. There are several other things going on in your marriage that are much bigger issues.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

warshark5 said:


> Thank you Marc878 for the advice. I want to have things work but as well I feel like a caretaker. More than what mental problems she has which I can work with. It does add that she is not working since about 2 months after we were married and does not to get one. I don't mind I am happy to work(I run my own resto business on vehicles from the 1920s-1980s) it is difficult as my wife does not want to clean around the house, help with paper work with the business, I feel bad for just complaining about her. She is wonderful and an awesome person to be around. It is stressful working, doing the bills, taxes,cooking(love to cook but it sucks she does not like to help clean up the dishes after cook in the evening) The more I talk here the more I see really just a one sided relationship it has become. I am sorry I bothered y'all about this and thank you again for the time you took to talk to me and express you opinions and advice!


Bud, that’s what this forum is for.

If you do too much in a relationship expect to get taken advantage of. You should expect them to do their share. Unfortunately that’s the way it works. With that comes the loss of respect, etc. I’d bet that’s where the F-off came from. What wife says that to her husband married less than a year?

All this aside from her unhealthy boundaries with her step father of only 7 years.

I would recommend you download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s a free pdf and short. Google it. It’ll probably be great for you.

good luck


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

How old is her step dad? How long has he been her step dad? Did she grow up with him or did he marry her mum after she had grown up? 

I agree that grief does bring out strange behaviours in people especially those with existing mental problems - its the step dad that I am more curious about.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Bobert, I am not trying or saying she should not have seen her mom I wish she would have spent more time there with her the prior weeks to be honest. It is important that she was there, on the same not wearing a mask of being a bit more cautious about washing hands or whichever would have been nice. I totally agree that it is forgotten easily and is not a top priority for the situation as well a little consideration for our own family and circumstance is equally important. I did not want to mention about the whole being sick thing because that was just a part of it I suppose not meaning to downplay it. I am not pissed at all about it or at her, frustrated? yes. Being husband and wife in my mind if your partner is like hey this ........ situation makes me feel uncomfortable about how intimate and close you were to whoever it may be and I feel im not okay with it should be met with understanding and consideration. If there is disagreement then talk about it not met with curse words yelling and going to said person and telling them about how bad of a partner you are. My hands are tired typing so much. Are you wanting more of the back story of what has been happening with us? I don't think her (lap-sitting) on her step dad and hold each other for a while is wrong but as well I don't think my feelings and opinion is wrong either.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

warshark5 said:


> Thank you Marc878 for the advice. I want to have things work but as well I feel like a caretaker. More than what mental problems she has which I can work with. It does add that she is not working since about 2 months after we were married and does not to get one. I don't mind I am happy to work(I run my own resto business on vehicles from the 1920s-1980s) it is difficult as my wife does not want to clean around the house, help with paper work with the business, I feel bad for just complaining about her. She is wonderful and an awesome person to be around. It is stressful working, doing the bills, taxes,cooking(love to cook but it sucks she does not like to help clean up the dishes after cook in the evening) The more I talk here the more I see really just a one sided relationship it has become. I am sorry I bothered y'all about this and thank you again for the time you took to talk to me and express you opinions and advice!


She has border line personality disorder, doesn’t work, doesn’t take care of you or the home in any way, sits in her step daddies lap and cuddles, won’t keep a job, and when she’s upset with you she tells you to **** off.
She must be really gorgeous and the sex must be amazing—-/ because she otherwise sounds like a nightmare. (Dont know how else to say that). You sound incredibly passive and scared of her. You let your in-laws run your household?

You’ve only been married a year. Your wife refuses to work. Exactly what are her redeeming qualities that make her so fun to be around? Sounds like you’re ignoring the obvious here.

Btw, it’s highly inappropriate for a woman to be sitting in her stepdad’s lap. 
I don’t see any women sitting in a man’s lap other than her husband.
Dad’s hug their daughters. I don’t kiss my own teenage daughter on the lips. But she doesn’t sit in my lap when I give her a hug. 
The thing is, it bothers YOU, and guess what? In your house, YOU are somebody. Your wife should value your feelings.
Telling you to **** off????? Dude, you’ve got problems with your wife beyond step daddy lap sitting.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Marc, thank you I will look it up in the morning thank you for the title I will read it. and man from, her step father is in his 60s he married her mom after she was grown and in her 20s.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, right now your wife is a major problem but you maybe your biggest problem. You need to look deep within yourself and figure out what you’ve gotten yourself into. You teach people how they can treat you. Better wake up.

It’s to easy to just accept bad treatment. This forum is full of doormats who get walked on for years. It becomes their way of life.

You can’t fix her. She would have to do that.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Evin, she is beautiful of course, as far as sex not so good from past drama she's dealt gone through the sex life is great for a day or two then it may be a couple of weeks as well she has gotten upset with me for trying or being persistent for trying. Even gone to tell me I treat her as a prostitute, I suppose it stems from I will want to me around or whichever for lack of a better word and tell her ill do this for you if we can have sex which is sad in itself even typing out. You know I never looked at it as they run my house but in a way they do and our marriage. After we get over having COVID in a couple of weeks I think she might having to figure out moving if big changes don't happen. I am patient/passive whichever, not one to get mad. But I can not help but allow these things thinking about the mental issues she does have going on. As far as working she has seizures which have been getting worse so usually I drive her. Her last job she worked with her previous ex. Fought a lot about that because in her mind I was wrong for not being okay with it and wanting her to find another job. NOT JUST QUIT OR LEAVE. But to look and find something else.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, you are the only one that can keep yourself trapped in this nightmare.

Currently you are standing in your jail cell with the keys in your hand. It’s up to you whether you use them or not.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Of course you feel like a caretaker... that's what you are allowing yourself to be. Your wife doesn't work, she isn't looking for a new job, she doesn't want to help run your business, she doesn't clean, she doesn't cook, she doesn't pay bills, sex isn't great. She doesn't seem to do ANYTHING but what? Get into fights and run off to mommy and daddy? She lived with her parents until she was what 31 years old? She never grew up, and she doesn't have to because you're willing to take care of her and parent her. It doesn't have to be that way, though. And honestly, it _shouldn't _be that way. 

To be honest, I think you are lying to yourself. I think you have a lot of issues going on in your marriage and you really need to face them. You seem a bit reluctant to mention the issues here, maybe because you won't like our opinions, but burying your head in the sand won't help. There are many threads here that sound exactly like yours, so if anything, you're not alone.

You mentioned two or three mental illnesses she was diagnosed with (not sure if BPD was mentioned twice accidentally, or if you were referring to Borderline and Bipolar). Are those being properly treated (medication AND therapy)? I'm not against being married to someone who is mentally ill (my spouse is, so that'd be pretty hypocritical) but that information is an important piece to know.



> I am sorry I bothered y'all about this


Dude, that's why we're all here. You're not bothering anyone.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Marc, I agree with what you are saying. I have been married before and my ex had borderline and we argued a lot one day I was great the next not so much. I can accept that it was a part of how a person with BPD works, ex wife cheated which ended that. To ask your honest advice about this current situation would you think trying to work more into and go to therapy for her and I is worth a try to change things. For me and especially for her or prepare to go down the other road for separation?


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

This is not going to get better. You are like an oblivious lobster in a pot, don’t realize the heat has been turned up and soon you’ll be cooked. It will get worst. This is a wake up call. Read up on codependency.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

warshark5 said:


> We have been married for not even a year and have had several issues I met her while she lived with her parents still about two years ago. I respect her opinion and concerns if she was not happy with an action I did I would not do it anymore not tell her to F off. I feel like I am not treated like a husband but more of a roommate. And a side note the step dad calling me telling me that she was not straddling him sexualized it for me. I had not accused and or suggested anything like that. Just that I was not comfortable with it


You may not have been accusing in your mind, but in being upset, it may have come across for them as such. Certainly, if I had been in the step dad's position, the most likely assumption is that you had thought it sexual. Granted there is no way we can be sure on your tone and exact words, and of course you're biased. And in such a situation, had my spouse said anything to me in what I took to be an accusatory tone, or with a sexual implication, I'd tell them to f off too.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Bobert, I am appreciative of the forwardness of your thoughts. You are correct there are ALOT of issues in our marriage and I am afraid to face them because if I do im sure it will end which thats alright too. I won't spend my life with a partner who tells me to **** off. She cleans but not much and has been "working on it" but with how things are it should just be almost natural of I take care of the family and she takes care of me and the house. I don't expect her to cook lol I love cooking and she does not know how to which is fine with me. I suppose I am reluctant to go into more detail about our relationship and issues because I am just typing onto a computer(no offense) I have never done this or ever looked to counseling before so it is a bit off for me. My wife has Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, seizures( gran Mal), amsomia, severe depression and anxiety( I know it sounds like how can someone have all these issues). There is a lot going on with her and I knew it from when we had gotten married but I have not seen this side of her until after the fact. Hmm, she does have a therapy session every week or two. Since the loss of her job she has stopped taking her vraylar but still takes her Xanax and seriquil? sorry Im not sure how to spell it but its whichever helps her fall asleep. We have issues about delays in my house being built which was in progress when we met. She is frustrated and wants us to have a house or apartment but I can not pay for it including paying for the bills to try and get the property developed. Before her mother passed my wife stayed and took care of her, one day she called my crying and upset about how poorly she was being treat like a maid. Her mom said a lot of not cool things to her. So I called and said something to her family about it hurting her feelings and not being okay but in my wife eye I was the hard headed selfish person for not listening to her to let it go.(BTW no cursing or name calling just telling them it hurt her and needed to stop), while we were dating she was talking to her previous guy before me and he said some inappropriate things then got a job at the place he worked at. I told her it was not okay and she needs to find another place to work, after all that she sold some foot pictures for money which idk about that, then talked to someone else who messaged her about being a sugar baby)didn't do it but still talked and went into with the guy after we were married not cool.. From her past we have intimacy problems some days it is okay to touch her (butt/breast) or initiate sex. other times its I treat her like a piece of meat and have no respect. Gathered since we have been married we are intimate once or twice every couple of weeks. there has been about a month and a half where we didn't and she was upset that I wanted to. I am being made feel bad for being attracted to her and for being married for not even a year I feel like it should not be like this at all.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

vorpal,i will read into it thank you. man, I can understand where your coming from. we did not touch the topic until a few hours she told me she's I was upset but not angry at all. I brought it up the next morning to try and talk and both of us listen and consider each others side from which the morning reply was yelling "f you!" rather then F off the night before. I wish we could have just talked and figured it out rather than the aggressive defense.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

warshark5 said:


> Hello, future apologies for a slow response as I have just signed up to this forum in search of help. Anyways, to be straight to the point my wife lost her mother about two weeks ago. She is not currently driving so I have been dropping her off at her parents/step dads house to visit and figure things out. She brought up to me while she was there one day that she sat in his lap and they held each other for 20-30 minutes. When she mentioned this to me I told her that for me it is inappropriate being a 33 year old women doing that while they are alone. I understand every family is different but I see this as highly inappropriate when I told her this her response was "F off, that is my dad and how dare you say something like that" Im not sure what to do about this situation I am very uncomfortable about being close in that I can understand hugging/holding each other but to me this is too much and not alright. Is there any advice y'all can give me? Am I in the wrong for feeling it is inappropriate? Thank you so much for the advice.


All I can say can be summed up in one word...WEIRD!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

So this is a stepdad who began being her stepdad 7 years ago _when she was already a grown adult_. 

This was plain old sitting in another man's lap kind of thing.

This wasn't "dad", a man who has raised her or known her as a child.

Yikes.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Livvie, yes it is. He became her stepdad after she was into her 20s.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

warshark5 said:


> Bobert, I am appreciative of the forwardness of your thoughts. You are correct there are ALOT of issues in our marriage and I am afraid to face them because if I do im sure it will end which thats alright too. I won't spend my life with a partner who tells me to **** off. She cleans but not much and has been "working on it" but with how things are it should just be almost natural of I take care of the family and she takes care of me and the house. I don't expect her to cook lol I love cooking and she does not know how to which is fine with me. I suppose I am reluctant to go into more detail about our relationship and issues because I am just typing onto a computer(no offense) I have never done this or ever looked to counseling before so it is a bit off for me. My wife has Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, seizures( gran Mal), amsomia, severe depression and anxiety( I know it sounds like how can someone have all these issues). There is a lot going on with her and I knew it from when we had gotten married but I have not seen this side of her until after the fact. Hmm, she does have a therapy session every week or two. Since the loss of her job she has stopped taking her vraylar but still takes her Xanax and seriquil? sorry Im not sure how to spell it but its whichever helps her fall asleep. We have issues about delays in my house being built which was in progress when we met. She is frustrated and wants us to have a house or apartment but I can not pay for it including paying for the bills to try and get the property developed. Before her mother passed my wife stayed and took care of her, one day she called my crying and upset about how poorly she was being treat like a maid. Her mom said a lot of not cool things to her. So I called and said something to her family about it hurting her feelings and not being okay but in my wife eye I was the hard headed selfish person for not listening to her to let it go.(BTW no cursing or name calling just telling them it hurt her and needed to stop), while we were dating she was talking to her previous guy before me and he said some inappropriate things then got a job at the place he worked at. I told her it was not okay and she needs to find another place to work, after all that she sold some foot pictures for money which idk about that, then talked to someone else who messaged her about being a sugar baby)didn't do it but still talked and went into with the guy after we were married not cool.. From her past we have intimacy problems some days it is okay to touch her (butt/breast) or initiate sex. other times its I treat her like a piece of meat and have no respect. Gathered since we have been married we are intimate once or twice every couple of weeks. there has been about a month and a half where we didn't and she was upset that I wanted to. I am being made feel bad for being attracted to her and for being married for not even a year I feel like it should not be like this at all.


I know it's hard to face the issues, but things will not get better if you don't face them. So what choice do you have? 

I could write a similar list of things my wife has been diagnosed with, so no, it's not a shock to me. A lot of those illnesses are frequently diagnosed together. 

It is concerning that your wife went off her bipolar medication though. Seroquel/Quetiapine can treat bipolar (along with depression, anxiety, and insomnia, maybe more but I'm not super familiar with it) but it may not be enough alone. Bipolar shouldn't go untreated, so I'd want to get her back on the Vraylar asap (or something else if it was a budget issue). 

Is she not on medication for her seizures? Are they non-epileptic (NES)? Therapy can help with that, assuming (based on the rest of her illnesses) the cause is psychological. Therapy can also help with the sex/her past issues that are going on, but she has to want to do the hard work.

If your wife is so unhappy with the living arrangements, she should be looking for a job, not just complaining about it. If she cannot work or help as much around the house because of her illnesses (and do not use them as an excuse), then she needs to work on getting her health under control. If she won't do that, you shouldn't feel the need to stay with her and enable her. Things won't get better until she has a reason to do the work and improve, and if you are allowing her to be like this why should she do the hard work? 

It is also concerning very that your wife has very poor boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex. That is a slippery slope to infidelity, if it hasn't already got to that point. 

I have to be honest, your situation really isn't looking too great right now.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

You are right it won't be better unless faced head on. To be honest I am surprised that I have not by now, this is usually not my personality normally if I don't like how things are or situations ill put it out there if it doesn't change then just removed myself from the situation. Okay, I feel more confident that it does not look so overwhelming with all the diagnoses together. I will talk and try with her to see what we can do .She is non-epileptic and does not take medicine for them now or ever in the past. I believe and support that therapy can and will help, but what happened to her was about 5 years ago. But she does have a long history of issues. she is from Detroit. Went to hard drugs (anything and everything) after her real father passed 11 years ago. To abusive relationships, a bad encounter at a rehab where she was molested once. Almost was pushed into the sex trade. There is a lot in her past but it IS the past. I look at it different growing up things happened to me which I accept but doesn't make it okay. why keep dwelling on the past? It has been a huge influence on us. As well, when we had the big fight this past Sunday she mentioned that there is one thing she has never told me and is the main reason for how she is but at the same time does not want to me. It is my fault because in the past when we talked about what has happened in our past I told her lets leave it there and focus on what is now and the future. It has turned into I do not care and if I did I would listen about the last thing. It stinks because I thought everything had been talked about between us, she has word for word told me that she has told me all the trauma that has happened to her. it comes as a surprise and selfishly I don't want to heat it because I feel like I will focus on it and it will effect how we are even though it apparently already is just without me knowing the details.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

For me and what she has done and shown me regarding talking, sending pictures(never anything private from what I know) to other men is and does effect things. I trust her, I don't think she has ever cheated at all, but her boundaries are much different then mine. I do not look at this as cheating but when she was working and would give a coworker/friend a kiss on the cheek then one day while I was picking her up she "wasn't paying attention" at kissed him on the lips. was not mad about it at the time but it hurt for sure. the co worker later confessed after we were married if she ever left me his offer was there if she wanted to be with him


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The more I think about this... a 33-year-old woman sitting in her stepdad’s lap for half an hour... no. And the two of them flying into defence mode and him calling you... not really normal behaviour. 

I’m not even thinking sexually. It probably wasn’t, but I find this behaviour weird. Different strokes for different folks... but lap-sitting isn’t something MOST people that age do.


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## warshark5 (Feb 4, 2021)

Lucky, I understand her side of needing to be comforted and support but that why she has a husband. I can understand hugging and holding with her and her step dad for support and comfort from the recent loss. I also agree the defense mode is what mainly threw me off about it. I don't believe it was sexual in anyway I truly think it was for comfort but its not okay for her age to be setting on her step-dads lap, or any mans lap aside from her husband. Absolutely! every family is different and that is totally okay. I am not saying it is wrong nor do I think it is. I think it was totally inappropriate and that she should have respected my feelings about the matter and have been willing to accept and not do it. out of respect for how I feel as her husband. I am unsure on how this will work out. her side is things are my issue and issues that cause our problems as well I see it as it is more of what she does and the actions that she takes. I just don't know what would be the best option. _side note_ we are both sick. Drove her to get more meds for her, I cooked lunch and plated it, worked on business paperwork, while she has been withdrawn, fell asleep about 2 in the afternoon now it is almost midnight she is still in bed asleep, after getting a full nights sleep just before. Yes she does not feel well and needs rest, at the same time so do I lol and I feel like I am having to do everything alone*not that I did much today anyways* just feel like all the stress relies on my shoulders even for basic maintenance of keeping things moving around our home and life. Thank you for reading and giving you input I do appreciate it


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I'm going to single out some things...



warshark5 said:


> I believe and support that therapy can and will help, but what happened to her was about 5 years ago.
> 
> There is a lot in her past but it IS the past.
> 
> ...


Trauma can have long term effects on people and it needs to be properly processed. It's not always something that you can just "leave in the past". Your wife's mental health is proof of that. Trying to ignore the past, or "leave it in the past", can be disastrous. Your wife's behavior and poor boundaries is proof of that too. 

Your wife probably does feel like you don't care. It sounds like she has tried coming to you in the past and you didn't support her the way she needed you too.

You need to be more supportive of her working on this part of her. It is a long, hard journey, trust me. She needs all the support she can have. A lot of people never get the help they need, so do everything you can to encourage her to get help. Until she unpacks her past, she will never get better.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I definitely don’t think you’re seeing anything sexual there, and completely understand what’s going on in this situation that makes you feel the way you do. You’ve stated what you were feeling and she has dismissed that in the worst way.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

warshark5 said:


> For me and what she has done and shown me regarding talking, sending pictures(never anything private from what I know) to other men is and does effect things.* I trust her,* I don't think she has ever cheated at all, but her boundaries are much different then mine. I do not look at this as cheating but when she was working and would give a coworker/friend a kiss on the cheek then one day while I was picking her up she "wasn't paying attention" at *kissed him on the lips. *was not mad about it at the time but it hurt for sure. *the co worker later confessed after we were married if she ever left me his offer was there if she wanted to be with him*


My friend read what you just wrote.

I trust her? —— Famous last words.

Her coworker didn’t come to that conclusion without cause I doubt.

She has no boundaries at all. You have a bad case of the White Knight syndrome. You didn’t cause this either. It’s been there awhile. Long before you.

You are trying to rationalize the irrational. You’ll get nowhere.

I predict if you stay in this it will only be as a beaten down shadow. GET OUT NOW. Save yourself you can’t save her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

warshark5 said:


> Bluesclues and marc878, it is her step father of about 7 years. It would be different if it was her biological father. but being a step father seems different to me(apologies if that offends any step fathers out there) not saying a lack of love or caring from a step father


Oh wow well that does change things. I assumed he had been her stepdad since a child. She was an adult when he married her mum, so yes to me its not appropriate but its her family so not sure what you can do about it. My advise is never to marry anyone who is still living with parents unless they are still young, say late teens or early 20's, she clearly hasnt cut the emotional ties and probably wasnt ready to be married. 
My 2 adult daughters have a lovely step dad in my husband since they were age 17 and 21. They will have a short hug but no more. Definitely no sitting on laps!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Wow, step parent of 7 years to a women in her 30s.... creepy AF.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

As others have said, this is like a grown woman sitting on an older man's lap. Maybe because he was married to her mom, the grief is making her cross boundaries but on the face of it, this is weird. I am assuming she has never done this before .... with him!!! since he came into her life after she was grown up. You have every right to be concerned but perhaps need to be a little more sensitive with her in this her time of grief.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

warshark5 said:


> Livvie, yes it is. He became her stepdad after she was into her 20s.


Oh hell no.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

warshark5 said:


> Hello, future apologies for a slow response as I have just signed up to this forum in search of help. Anyways, to be straight to the point my wife lost her mother about two weeks ago. She is not currently driving so I have been dropping her off at her parents/step dads house to visit and figure things out. She brought up to me while she was there one day that she sat in his lap and they held each other for 20-30 minutes. When she mentioned this to me I told her that for me it is inappropriate being a 33 year old women doing that while they are alone. I understand every family is different but I see this as highly inappropriate when I told her this her response was "F off, that is my dad and how dare you say something like that" Im not sure what to do about this situation I am very uncomfortable about being close in that I can understand hugging/holding each other but to me this is too much and not alright. Is there any advice y'all can give me? Am I in the wrong for feeling it is inappropriate? Thank you so much for the advice.


Sorry for the situation but, she is still daddy's little girl(assuming step dad was around when she was little). If not, that is a bit weird. Your W sees him as a dad. She sees herself as his little girl.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Nailhead said:


> Sorry for the situation but, she is still daddy's little girl(assuming step dad was around when she was little). If not, that is a bit weird. Your W sees him as a dad. She sees herself as his little girl.


Did you read this thread? Stepdad came on the scene when OP's wife was in her mid twenties, only 7 years ago. Doubtful she sees him as dad and herself as his "little" girl.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I suggest you become VERY familiar with the behaviors of those who have the mental health diagnoses you described. Can you live with this? Not likely to improve....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

warshark5 said:


> Bluesclues and marc878, it is her step father of about 7 years. It would be different if it was her biological father. but being a step father seems different to me(apologies if that offends any step fathers out there) not saying a lack of love or caring from a step father


So he is only her stepdad since she was about 25 or 26?

Run far and fast. You have only lost a little time.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If you are having to chauffeur a 33 year old adult around like a kid’s soccer team and be a caregiver for someone with a laundry list of mental issues, then her sitting on her stepfather’s lap is just a drop in the bucket for what you are going to have. 

Do you know what you get when you rescue a damsel in distress? Answer= a distressed damsel on your hands. (Credit: Dr Laura Schlesinger)

You can’t be a knight in shining armor and rescue train wrecks from themselves and then expect them to be a normal, healthy, fully functioning adult.

When you pick the fallen fruit on the ground, you can’t be surprised when it smells and has bugs.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Your wife sitting on her step dad's lap is the least of your problems (extremely weird to me for such recent relationship). Reading your posts is clearly that your major problem is YOU.
I can't pinpoint where are you coming from, but so far you seem to be ignorant of certain biological, societal, and cultural awareness that make individuals fit to survive successfully on a particular environment.
Biological: as male you should have certain autonomous, non socially influenced instincts, such as, survival, selection of a fit mate, boundaries that can not be crossed.
Societal: same species interactions that will not lead to harm of yourself or your standing within the group.
Cultural: following stablished patterns designed for you as a male, such as being able to defend yourself within the acceptable cultural acceptable norms. Accepting or rejecting behavior of your mate within stablished norms, geared toward being able to have a successful union, etc., etc.

You sound like a lot of today's males and their ineffectiveness when dealing with females. I don't know if it is due to males in today societies not being exposed sufficiently to females since childhood, no much of males figures in the development of children males, brain washing in school systems of males, or what, but the amount of ineffectual males when dealing with females in today's societies is becoming alarming.

You seem to have not a clue how to be a strong, confident male with sufficient self respect and boundaries to choose and successfully pick a mate that will be beneficial to you; instead you married a woman the has mental illness (what were you thinking), do you not understand the biological implications to any progeny that you might produce with this woman?, do you care to procreate and risk your progeny to have mental illness or worse? 

Your reacting with fear and lack of self integrity toward your wife's behavior is so indicative of a male that is lacking in self confidence and self respect. You are afraid, why? is she the last female in this planet?, do you not see yourself as doing any better after her? 

You are letting her dictate your life, and you are allowing her. Time for you to man up, grow some balls, and start looking for your future as an independent, secure and confident individual that is ready to eliminate what's not acceptable out your life. It's very easy, you just look at the picture, hear what your self is telling you, and just do it. Do not think with emotions, think with your brain. 
You should start by getting rid of the dead weight you're carrying around your neck with the disaster you have as a mate. If you don't do it, prepare yourself at least to accept the miserable life that will follow.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I honestly don’t think there is a person on this planet that could stay happy, while being married to this woman. Let’s face it, she’s crazy. Just plain old run of the mill crazy.
OP, how can you not see that regardless of your feelings, there is literally no possible way to stay married to this lady. Live does NOT conquer all, and I don’t believe she loves you, for sure.

You can put it off all you want and waste years of your life, but you won’t have a choice, you’ll be forced to divorce her.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Did you read this thread? Stepdad came on the scene when OP's wife was in her mid twenties, only 7 years ago. Doubtful she sees him as dad and herself as his "little" girl.


Is it weird for a 20 yo to sit on her biological dads lap? This may seem odd but perhaps this was just comfort for both? There is a history here of two people who loved a mother and a wife. Now they have only each other to keep her memory alive. People react in different ways. Not everything in life is a sexual conquest. Or, maybe she is just an oddball.....I don't know.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So he's been her stepfather since she was 26, a full grown woman, and I find that worrisome. If he had been her stepfather since she was a toddler, not so much. She's only known him seven years and while she may be fond of him as a father figure it doesn't sound like he was truly ever a father to her. 

I admit I am squeamish of families who kiss each other on the lips and I have a friend whose family does that and I have talked to her about it just to try to understand. She doesn't even like her family because her father was abusive and her mother let him, so I don't get why on Earth you'd still be kissing that on the lips as an adult. I get it with little kids up to a point but not sure that's a great idea either.

She was an adult when she met her stepfather. I think that's what turns this from being okay and understandable to very questionable. Because it's not going to be long until he is a lonely horny old man. Maybe she needs to learn her own lesson here. She may soon find herself in a very awkward situation, and that's assuming she only thinks of him as a father. If she is actually interested in the man, I guess that will become apparent soon enough. 

you've already said your peace so I think now all you could do is wait and see what develops. I'm assuming she has other family and you know how family always knows everything so even if you're not the one who squawks about it, someone else in the family will. At that point you'll be grateful you didn't get any more involved.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Even if he was Santa it would be weird.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Nope, you're definitely not in the wrong there, and if my partner did something like that, I would also call it into question.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> I honestly don’t think there is a person on this planet that could stay happy, while being married to this woman. Let’s face it, she’s crazy. Just plain old run of the mill crazy.
> OP, how can you not see that regardless of your feelings, there is literally no possible way to stay married to this lady. Live does NOT conquer all, and I don’t believe she loves you, for sure.
> 
> You can put it off all you want and waste years of your life, but you won’t have a choice, you’ll be forced to divorce her.


Actually these guys tend to stick with these train wrecks until the wives themselves pack up and leave with the cable guy or meet some other BSC chick and decides she’s a lesbian and runs off to Utah in course of a few days (don’t laugh, true story of someone I know personally) 

Then the guy left behind blames himself that he didn’t manage her meds well enough and didn’t do enough to relieve her stress and anxiety enough.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Nailhead said:


> Is it weird for a 20 yo to sit on her biological dads lap? This may seem odd but perhaps this was just comfort for both? There is a history here of two people who loved a mother and a wife. Now they have only each other to keep her memory alive. People react in different ways. Not everything in life is a sexual conquest. Or, maybe she is just an oddball.....I don't know.


Wow you are still defending the lap sitting, eh?

This isn't a 20 year old sitting in her bio dad's lap, though.

It's a 33 year old woman sitting in the lap of a man her mother married 7 years ago.

And therein lies the difference.

To answer your question, as a female, I have had a lot of female friends throughout my life and I'm very confident 99.9% of them wouldn't sit in their bio dad's lap for half an hour at age 20. Yes, it would be quite out of the ordinary.

But again, this wasn't that.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Even if he was Santa it would be weird.


Kinky!😉


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Kinky!😉


Could also maybe be the Easter Bunny 🐰


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

It's nice to show affection but this is borderline inappropriate if they have only known each other as adults. Hugs and kisses on the cheek seem more normal, but I guess what is normal differs from culture to culture and family to family. Does she otherwise behave in ways you find weird or inappropriate? Does she sit in anyone else's lap? Dunno. I would keep an eye out for other red flags. Just be aware of her, because this is a little odd. More than a little.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

warshark5 said:


> Thanks for the response! You are right her mom passed from stage 4 cancer she had been fighting it for over 5 years. As well yes everyone handles tried in their own way. She was close with her mom and would kiss her on the mouth, and as well with her step dad on our wedding day. Otherwise she will hug other family members/friends of course but never as close as that. I just feel off-put by the situation of them doing that alone and as well being very defensive when expressing that I am not okay with it. After the argument, her step father called me to tell me it is "norma" and that it was like she was "straddling" him which I had not said or accused of anything more which I suppose made me feel even more off-put by the situation. There are many things going on between us and this is just the latest. My wife does have mental illnesses BPD,PTSD,BPD which effects our relationship quite a bit. Sorry for the long message I am very frustrated feeling unrespected that I am not comfortable with it and having my spouse consider my feelings and say okay I won't do that and I understand instead of telling me to F off. Part of me feels like I am over pushing it and on the other note feeling that my opinion and feelings should be respected. If I did something she was not happy or uncomfortable with I would try to not do it in the future considering how she feels.


Did he says that she WAS stradding him or that she WASN'T straddling him?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Did he says that she WAS stradding him or that she WASN'T straddling him?


She wasn't.

It's still all kinds of icky though.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

bobert said:


> So you're pissed and resentful that she goes to her parents for everything, including comfort. Understandable, but I still think you're overreacting about the lap sitting. The rest of the stuff is a big issue for sure and that does need to be dealt with.


I am going to disagree about the lap sitting.

This is an adult woman acting like a child about everything. The rest of the information given about her going to her parents over everything then this. She has never grown up. Hell, she is 33 years old and still acting like a child. 

I would suggest counseling for the two of you.

You have to decide if you want to continue in the marriage or not. With all the issues with the relationship, I think I would be over it by now.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

warshark5 said:


> Thank you Marc878 for the advice. I want to have things work but as well I feel like a caretaker. More than what mental problems she has which I can work with. It does add that she is not working since about 2 months after we were married and does not to get one. I don't mind I am happy to work(I run my own resto business on vehicles from the 1920s-1980s) it is difficult as my wife does not want to clean around the house, help with paper work with the business, I feel bad for just complaining about her. She is wonderful and an awesome person to be around. It is stressful working, doing the bills, taxes,cooking(love to cook but it sucks she does not like to help clean up the dishes after cook in the evening) The more I talk here the more I see really just a one sided relationship it has become. I am sorry I bothered y'all about this and thank you again for the time you took to talk to me and express you opinions and advice!


You married a grown child.

This is just to much for one person to do. Having to do all the housework and the only one working as well. What does she do during the day?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Ok, so she talked to a guy about being a sugar baby. She also sent pics of her feet to someone. Both of this things was her selling herself for kink/sex. Then she won’t have sex with you hardly and saying you treat her like a prostitute if you want sex. WTF


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I think the lap sitting is the least of your problems, but it might seem the only thing you can control about her.

She probably needs more comforting than the regular person due to her mental health issues. I don't have a problem with that. I can understand the needs of a person. If she didn't have mental health issues, I'd think she overreacted. 

Do you realize she's going to have issues her whole life? She's not going to behave like a person without mental health problems. Are you sure you can provide the support and understanding she needs? 

I wonder why you picked another wife with mental health issues? You have some issues to solve as well.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Inappropriate. Your wife should not be sitting on her stepdad lap for any reason. I have daughters the age of your wife and they were raised by their stepdad and this would not happen. I think there needs to be more talking to understand what is at the root here.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I think the lap sitting is the least of your problems, but it might seem the only thing you can control about her.
> 
> She probably needs more comforting than the regular person due to her mental health issues. I don't have a problem with that. I can understand the needs of a person. If she didn't have mental health issues, I'd think she overreacted.
> 
> ...


It takes two to tango, though. The wife was being inappropriate and you want to excuse it by citing mental health issues. What's the step dad's excuse? A 33 year old woman, not his daughter, not someone he raised, lands in his lap. He could have gently moved her to a seat next to him, held her hand, whatever. It takes two and this man also allowed it to happen. 

Very inappropriate.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Livvie said:


> He could have gently moved her to a seat next to him, held her hand, whatever.


In step-dad's defense I wouldn't have moved her off my lap either. Especially if she was hot.


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## Lylia90 (Sep 6, 2021)

What did his father look like at this time?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ZOMBIE THREAD 🧟‍♀️


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat has decided that -for some doubtless good feline reason- he needs to close this thread down with a full complement of staff.





























And so the thread is closed by order of the Zombie cat. Sorry 'bout that.


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