# Doing the right thing?



## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

I have decided to let him go. He wants a divorce, I do not. But I have decided to move forward. I am making him take over his car insurance, cell phone, and car payment. I am moving the kids somewhere nicer (where he will be free to see them whenever he wants) and we are renting out our home. He will be living with a friend. Think it's the right thing to do even though I do not want a divorce  I agreed to dissolve the marriage and stay out of court.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> I have decided to let him go. He wants a divorce, I do not. But I have decided to move forward. I am making him take over his car insurance, cell phone, and car payment. I am moving the kids somewhere nicer (where he will be free to see them whenever he wants) and we are renting out our home. He will be living with a friend. Think it's the right thing to do even though I do not want a divorce  I agreed to dissolve the marriage and stay out of court.


Does he have someone else?


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Says he does not. But did have someone about 6 weeks ago during our 1st separation. He says she quit talking to him.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> Says he does not. But did have someone about 6 weeks ago during our 1st separation. He says she quit talking to him.


Give us a little more backstory.

How long together?

How old are you both?

etc.


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## eldubya (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi User:
I was in your situation last summer...husband wanted a divorce when I didn't. No fault divorce means the person who initiates the divorce is at an advantage. In my case the MIL and husband agreed he would divorce me before I ever heard about it. When I did I was told to sign the papers or the sheriff would come after me and the husbands demands would be met without my input. 

The bottom line....its not a matter of whether you are doing the right thing by going along with the divorce. You probably don't have any choice other than to get through it as emotionally intact as you can. In my state there isnt even a waiting period so your spouse can pounce on you just like that. If there is a waiting period take advantage of it, try the 180 and see if your spouse is willing to come back and try reconciling.


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Together 9 years, married 5. Problems for two. I partied, suffered post partum depression, and had an EA. he shut down, and I told him to leave, he left for three and a half weeks. He drank a lot and came back to work on things, I was very willing. That lasted 4 days. He then decided no hope and wants a divorce. I fought it for a little over a week. Then just woke up and decided to move on because it was driving me crazy. I'm sad and don't want this, but am not fighting anymore and letting go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

user_1933 said:


> Together 9 years, married 5. Problems for two. I partied, suffered post partum depression, and had an EA. he shut down, and I told him to leave, he left for three and a half weeks. He drank a lot and came back to work on things, I was very willing. That lasted 4 days. He then decided no hope and wants a divorce. I fought it for a little over a week. Then just woke up and decided to move on because it was driving me crazy. I'm sad and don't want this, but am not fighting anymore and letting go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am 32 he is 27
Thanks for the support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> Together 9 years, married 5. Problems for two. I partied, suffered post partum depression, and had an EA. he shut down, and I told him to leave, he left for three and a half weeks. He drank a lot and came back to work on things, I was very willing. That lasted 4 days. He then decided no hope and wants a divorce. I fought it for a little over a week. Then just woke up and decided to move on because it was driving me crazy. I'm sad and don't want this, but am not fighting anymore and letting go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who is working? Who pays the bills?


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Who is working? Who pays the bills?


We both work, but I make most if the money, and pay all the bills
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> We both work, but I make most if the money, and pay all the bills
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you planning to pay for a divorce you don't want?


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Are you planning to pay for a divorce you don't want?


I would prefer not to, I agreed to dissolve it without the hassle of divorce and custody battles. What is your suggestion?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> I would prefer not to, I agreed to dissolve it without the hassle of divorce and custody battles. What is your suggestion?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell him if he wants out, he pays.


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Tell him if he wants out, he pays.


I don't want him to feel like he's being held hostage in a marriage he doesn't want to be in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

user_1933 said:


> I don't want him to feel like he's being held hostage in a marriage he doesn't want to be in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think people should pay their own way for their own desires.


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Conrad said:


> I think people should pay their own way for their own desires.


I do agree. But I don't know if I'm up for an emotional battle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

It all seems sort of rushed to me. I mean if he really Did try to reconcile, it's about talking . Even if it hurts. Such as how he felt when u had an EA. or why you did it. What things to change . What's missing in both your lives etc. then there would take time to let the wounds heal. 
I guess he thought it would all be peachy ASAP . It doesn't work that way.
I think you should write a letter with all your wants, desires, fears. What you love about him, what you love about yourself. What u don't like about him and yourself. Let him know your feelings. And let no stone unturned. Let him know you will divorce him but that you still love him enough to let him go.
This will allow you to not ever wonder (I could have, I should have etc) I wrote my ex for a year straight and at the end I got peace of mind knowing I showed her my heart and what marriage means to me and she didn't value it. Now I can smile again cause I did all I could .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

ferndog said:


> It all seems sort of rushed to me. I mean if he really Did try to reconcile, it's about talking . Even if it hurts. Such as how he felt when u had an EA. or why you did it. What things to change . What's missing in both your lives etc. then there would take time to let the wounds heal.
> I guess he thought it would all be peachy ASAP . It doesn't work that way.
> I think you should write a letter with all your wants, desires, fears. What you love about him, what you love about yourself. What u don't like about him and yourself. Let him know your feelings. And let no stone unturned. Let him know you will divorce him but that you still love him enough to let him go.
> This will allow you to not ever wonder (I could have, I should have etc) I wrote my ex for a year straight and at the end I got peace of mind knowing I showed her my heart and what marriage means to me and she didn't value it. Now I can smile again cause I did all I could .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you. He claims he has had his mindade up for years just didn't have the courage to leave. Says he knew he shouldn't have married me. I have already laid my heart out there, and he is not willing to give anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Then even though it may hurt you deserve someone who will love you and won't have doubts about marrying you. When u are ready, divorce him because u deserve full love. But don't we all
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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

Yeah, I guess he does too.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

user_1933 said:


> I partied, suffered post partum depression, and had an EA. he shut down, and I told him to leave, he left for three and a half weeks.


Why is everybody pouncing on the husband here?


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## user_1933 (Feb 19, 2013)

I have my own complaints about the marriage, I have been a single mom since our first child was born. I have supported him financially for 9 years, and have dealt with quite a bit of verbal abuse. And when I write that out, I realize that it is just too broken to fix. Why do I want to try? Something just keeps telling me to not let go?????


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> Why is everybody pouncing on the husband here?


Not sure anyone is,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

user_1933 said:


> I have my own complaints about the marriage, I have been a single mom since our first child was born. I have supported him financially for 9 years, and have dealt with quite a bit of verbal abuse. And when I write that out, I realize that it is just too broken to fix. Why do I want to try? Something just keeps telling me to not let go?????


I feel your agony, but you can't hold onto someone who's already gone.

If you want to leave a way back, you can give him a separation for say - one year or so, then file the divorce afterwards.


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