# Ready to separate



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm going to tell my husband tomorrow that I want to separate. It's hard to imagine having this conversation, but I can imagine life on the other side of it, and that keeps me going. I realized the other day that the reason I'm so sure we cannot 
"recapture" the feeling is that the feeling was never really there in the first place. I don't intend to say anything like that to my husband--it seems cruel. But he already knows that i don't love him, and although he will be upset that I don't want to "work on it," I am going to stick to my plan. I've given up a lot of my life to what he's wanted, and I just cannot do that anymore. We have 2 kids at home still, so that part of things will be hard. I intend for us to stay in the same house throughout the summer if that is what he wants, and we can decide what to do from there. 

I let myself get emotionally attached to someone else in the last few weeks, but have let that go for now. I don't need that complication. It's hard, but that's what is best. It was just on my side, anyway, so it was easy to do. Well, not easy, but easier than if it had been mutual, I suspect. 

I intend to talk to my husband after the kids go to bed tomorrow night. He doesn't have to work on Monday and that will give him time to pull himself together. I anticipate that he is going to need it. 

Any suggestions on being separated but living in the same house will be much appreciated.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Wow, that will be hard. Forgive me for sounding stupid, but what is the point of saying you are separated, but still living in the same house? Are you just trying to start the process to tell hubby that marriage is over? Best of luck.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I had the same question when I first started on this site--but now it makes sense. In some states, you have to be "legally separated" for a certain amount of time b/4 proceeding to a divorce. My husband and I will stop sharing a bed, for example, and will separate our finances, etc. I figure it will be easier for him to make the transition from married to divorced if we stay in the same house for a while--like sharing an apartment with a friend, not like spouses. Easier for him and our kids, especially--doesn't matter to me yet. He gets to have all the familiarity of our household around him as he grieves, but doesn't have to take on extra responsibilities for maintaining a separate household. But if he wants to move out, that is fine with me, too. I'm going to leave that up to him.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

forbive me if this sounds rude, but if you never really loved him, then why did you marry him?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Wonder, I thought I loved him--I wanted to love him, and I probably did love him as a friend. But the passion was never there. Between that and his lack of attention to many of my requests, I think the love faded and the reality of being trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage finally took its toll on me. I feel terrible about the whole thing, for him, but we have 3 beautiful kids and I cannot regret the marriage. It just seems time to end it. I think it would be very easy for me to have an affair, and I do not want to do that. So I have to get out.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I spoke with him last night, and it went about like I expected. We have a lot of work to get through, but keeping the children's best interests front and center is a goal we continue to share, and I think that will help. He deserves a chance to be with someone who is as crazy about him as he is about them, too. I hope he will recognize that in time.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

When and how are you going to tell the children?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i told my H the marriage was over in march. we carried on in the house as we stil had our children to be with and the hol was booked and we went. but now is the time to make it more an official statement and he is moving out next weekend. you wil find your way, ppl have different ideas on separation and i have separated and been in the same house. but now its time to move on and it feels great.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

We will probably tell them once school is out. Nothing is changing before then except we won't sleep in the same bed--but that isn't that unusal and the kids won't notice. We have already told our adult son. 

We intend to stay in the same house at least through this summer, if it continues to work. That will be determined on an on-going basis.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

we did exactly the same. H on settee. our kids didnt take that much notice and havent asked n e thing. you are doing whats right for you. there are so many things to sort out. i hoped that our time together but separated would make us better as friends and parents.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

We have been acting like roommates for years, anyway, so it won't be that different for a while. We are going to separate finances, too, which might change things up a bit also. We'll have to see. I have often thought, over the years, that I'd like to share a duplex with my husband, not a marriage bed. I guess that was the writing on the wall I wouldn't read.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

My wife and I have been a "roommates couple" for years although we still sleep in the same bed. (But no sex in 5+ years) I wish my wife would agree to the roommate separation approach but unfortunately, she dragged our kids into it so now, everything is a depressing mess. Ugh. But anyway, good luck.


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