# Dealing with abuse from my wife



## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

I hope someone here can help me with some good advice because i'm feeling hopeless now. Me and my wife have been married for 4 years. She also just got out of the marines and she was in for 12 years. During our first 3 years of marriage, everything was nice and we respected each other, during the past year, she has gotten more and more abusive and I don't know how much I can take even though I really love her with all my hear.

3 months ago, we were at the mall with our daughter. We were just letting her play there at the play place and I noticed a very attractive woman. My wife caught me staring at her and she was furious. We talked about it and I told her I would not do it again. The next day, my wife told me she was going to punish me for what I did. I thought she was joking because she didn't tell me what the punishment would be. She just kept saying "you'll see". She told me that she wanted me to ride with her to the hair salon later that day. I rode with her and when we pulled up, she said my punishment was to sit in the car and wait for her until she finished with her hair. I thought she was joking but she got out of the car and armed the alarm. I sat there for 45 minutes and I was sweating a lot. When she finally came back, she was laughing and told me that I hoped I learned my lesson. The sad part about it is that ever since then, she makes me go with her to the salon and she makes me sit in the car. I don't know what she did to the locks but for some reason, I cannot open the door after she turns on the alarm. We are in Texas so it is very very hot. I know it has been over 100 degrees outside so I know the inside must be hotter. She has been cracking the window lately so I guess she cares though. I have never tried to get out since I know I would cause a scene with the alarm and it would make her much more upset.

At first, I felt she had the right to punish me but now I think it is excessive. She also says things to belittle me and she knows exactly what to say to make me weep. A few days ago, a friend of ours had a baby shower. I did not want to go but my wife did not give me a choice. We went in and I pretended to have a good time but I did not feel comfortable since I was the male there. One lady made a sex joke and everybody started laughing. I laughed too but when everyone noticed I was laughing, the room got quiet. My wife cut her eyes to me and said "go sit your a$$ in the car". I did not want to make a scene so I did what she said and went to the car. She stood in the window and when I closed the car door, she turned the alarm on. I felt so helpless and less of a man by this. I'm sure all of her friends were laughing at me. About 3 hours later when the party finished, she came out to the car and she saw I was sweating and uncomfortable. She had a bottle of water and didn't even offer me any. All she said was "I'm not done with you yet".

We were supposed to go and pick up our daughter from the baby sitter but instead, she went straight home. When we got home, she told me to go to the bathroom. She then turned on one of her songs on her boombox very very loud. I think it was Carrie Underwood but she put it on repeat and shut the door behind her. Basically, I had to sit in the bathroom for what seemed liked hours listening to the exact same song over and over again. It got so loud and annoying that I thought my head would explode. I could have left the bathroom but I was afraid to do so without her telling me. After a few hours, she came and opened the door and turned off the music. My daughter was with her and she was wondering why I was sitting in the corner crying. My wife just looked down at me with a smirk.

What can I do in the situation? I love my wife a lot and I cannot imagine not being with her and not raising my daughter. It seems as though the abuse is getting worse everyday and it's even harder to prove since it is emotional abuse. I know she loves me too but I just feel that she is taking advantage of me and using me like an animal. Every time I try to talk about the way that she treats me, she gets emotional and hysterical. It's almost like I'm not allowed to talk about it. I hope someone here can tell me what to do so the abuse can stop and I can keep my wife.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

This is 100% unacceptable. She needs to get a get a grip!!

Getting upset because you looked... okay... some of us women do... But usually an apology/reassurance and honest understanding of hurt feelings is all most of us need.

I would stand up to her. You are not her doormat. You understand her feelings have been hurt, but this IS excessive. It IS abusive. Do not go with her to her appointments. Do NOT sit in that car, you are possibly putting your life in danger. The abuse WILL get worse, as she figures out she can get away with this behavior.

Sitting in the bathroom?? She is humiliating you, and you are allowing it. Why are you scared of your wife????

I suspect she has a deep down insecurity that makes her need to control... Of course she gets emotional when you want to talk about it... She wants you to feel bad. She also doesn't want to face what a horrible person she is. Perhaps some counseling for the both of you would help. 

I almost find it hard that anyone would even endure this. You need to get help for yourself, and understand the reasons that cause you to put up with these episodes.

Good luck!!!!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Firstly it's illegal in our country to leave dogs and children alone in cars. This is because it doesn't have to be very hot for the inside of a car to get very hot, and people and animals die from being left in hot cars all the time. In fact it can take just a few minutes. You staying in the car could kill you.

The technique with the music sounds like a torture technique I have heard of.

You must not stay with this woman. What she is doing is absolutely awful, it's terrible abuse. Please leave now and seek counseling.

You cannot have your daughter being raised to think that this is OK in any way. If you love your daughter you will not stay in this situation. You deserve so much better and so does she.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Dude, do you pee on the floor when she yells too?

You need to find no more mr nice guy pronto and start standing up for yourself!!!

If my wife tried caging me she would return to broken windows and doors.......


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Syrum said:


> You cannot have your daughter being raised to think that this is OK in any way. If you love your daughter you will not stay in this situation. You deserve so much better and so does she.


Good point! Daughter will grow up treating her husband the same way, or worse, allowing someone to abuse her.


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## BenDEBONAIR (Aug 14, 2011)

thegreatwm said:


> I hope someone here can help me with some good advice because i'm feeling hopeless now. Me and my wife have been married for 4 years. She also just got out of the marines and she was in for 12 years. During our first 3 years of marriage, everything was nice and we respected each other, during the past year, she has gotten more and more abusive and I don't know how much I can take even though I really love her with all my hear.
> 
> 3 months ago, we were at the mall with our daughter. We were just letting her play there at the play place and I noticed a very attractive woman. My wife caught me staring at her and she was furious. We talked about it and I told her I would not do it again. The next day, my wife told me she was going to punish me for what I did. I thought she was joking because she didn't tell me what the punishment would be. She just kept saying "you'll see". She told me that she wanted me to ride with her to the hair salon later that day. I rode with her and when we pulled up, she said my punishment was to sit in the car and wait for her until she finished with her hair. I thought she was joking but she got out of the car and armed the alarm. I sat there for 45 minutes and I was sweating a lot. When she finally came back, she was laughing and told me that I hoped I learned my lesson. The sad part about it is that ever since then, she makes me go with her to the salon and she makes me sit in the car. I don't know what she did to the locks but for some reason, I cannot open the door after she turns on the alarm. We are in Texas so it is very very hot. I know it has been over 100 degrees outside so I know the inside must be hotter. She has been cracking the window lately so I guess she cares though. I have never tried to get out since I know I would cause a scene with the alarm and it would make her much more upset.
> 
> ...


LONG time lurker who absolutely had to register to comment on this thread.
To thegreatwm, "This must be some sort of joke right?"
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## BenDEBONAIR (Aug 14, 2011)

Go Marines!!!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I had been wondering if this is a joke, too.

If it's not, I'm really sorry, but this is awful.


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## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

I really wish it was a joke but it's not. I guess I know I should stand up to her but it is easier said than done. She knows I am far away from my family and that makes it harder for me to leave. I am happy that I can get unbiased advice from people here. I have tried to talk to friends about it but they usually start laughing and say that I'm joking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If you are serious, you need to address this IMMEDIATELY. As in, TODAY. I'm a bossy woman, too, if that helps! LOL!!

You NEED to stand up to her. If you don't stand up for, and respect YOU, who will???

Begin by telling her you will no longer allow her to abuse you. You are a human being with RIGHTS and you deserve to be respected.

She will probably test you, throw a fit, inact some sort of guilt or drama. Stay strong. Stay true to your word. If she verbally bashes you, let her know that you will not respond until she is calm and cordial.

If she "orders" you to do something, refuse to do it unless she is capable of asking politely. No, do not get in the car if she asks you nicely.

Because she exploits your vulnerability to get you to give in, I would not suggest trying to communicate anything other than "TREAT ME WITH RESPECT" today and for a long while after.

SHE is the one who needs to make this up to YOU.

No, you do not get to lock her in the car, unfortunately.


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## BenDEBONAIR (Aug 14, 2011)

thegreatwm said:


> I really wish it was a joke but it's not. I guess I know I should stand up to her but it is easier said than done. She knows I am far away from my family and that makes it harder for me to leave. I am happy that I can get unbiased advice from people here. I have tried to talk to friends about it but they usually start laughing and say that I'm joking.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1. Wait till she is in the shower->enter as well->pin her to the wall and f*ck her long, deep and hard
2. Leave without saying a word
3. Head to your nearest gym and pick up a membership form->start pumping 'em irons
4. In the evening, sit her down where both of you are comfortable and relaxed->tell her this, "It's time for a change around here, don't you think so Babe?"
5. Rip her clothes off and f*ck her long, deep and hard
6. Come back here to TAM and head to The Men's Clubhouse *sternly points that way*
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If it's real your wife is a criminal psychopath. I mean straight up serial killer potential.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stand up to her! If she stricks you call the cops.

It is one thing to play these humiliation games, but to get your kid involved is way wrong. The both of you are big time screwing up this little girls head, so stop!

Since she has lost respect for you, I am almost certain she is getting effection and intimacy from some one else. With this said you are nothing to her except an object that she can get her satistic auges out on.......she has no love for you!

Her intent is to continue training you, and it will get worse until you have had enough, by then your daughter will have been ruined. As you continue to tolorate this, her addictive fetish of dominance will get worse. The longer your daughter is witnessed to it the deeper the damage the both of you will cause her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You need to take your testicles out of your wife's jewelry box, and put a stop to this. The worst of it is that your daughter is being taught to treat you the same way. So your life is only going to get more miserable. And it sounds pretty bad now.

You don't have to "prove" anything. What you have to do is tell her that her treatment of you is unacceptable, and you won't put up with it. You may not be able to keep her as a wife in the end, but why would you want to, if she has such little respect for you?

Of course, if you like being the submissive house pet of a dominatrix, carry on. Assuming this whole post isn't just a troll...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

thegreatwm said:


> I hope someone here can help me with some good advice because i'm feeling hopeless now. Me and my wife have been married for 4 years. She also just got out of the marines and she was in for 12 years. During our first 3 years of marriage, everything was nice and we respected each other, during the past year, she has gotten more and more abusive and I don't know how much I can take even though I really love her with all my hear.
> 
> 3 months ago, we were at the mall with our daughter. We were just letting her play there at the play place and I noticed a very attractive woman. My wife caught me staring at her and she was furious. We talked about it and I told her I would not do it again. The next day, my wife told me she was going to punish me for what I did. I thought she was joking because she didn't tell me what the punishment would be. She just kept saying "you'll see". She told me that she wanted me to ride with her to the hair salon later that day. I rode with her and when we pulled up, she said my punishment was to sit in the car and wait for her until she finished with her hair. I thought she was joking but she got out of the car and armed the alarm. I sat there for 45 minutes and I was sweating a lot. When she finally came back, she was laughing and told me that I hoped I learned my lesson. The sad part about it is that ever since then, she makes me go with her to the salon and she makes me sit in the car. I don't know what she did to the locks but for some reason, I cannot open the door after she turns on the alarm. We are in Texas so it is very very hot. I know it has been over 100 degrees outside so I know the inside must be hotter. She has been cracking the window lately so I guess she cares though. I have never tried to get out since I know I would cause a scene with the alarm and it would make her much more upset.
> 
> ...


This seems like a dominant / submissive game you guys are playing. I can;t imagine a guy who would sit in the hot car his wife put him in. WTF? That seems so over the top submissive.

You know the I have been bad so punish mistriss stuff.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Locard said:


> Dude, do you pee on the floor when she yells too?
> 
> You need to find no more mr nice guy pronto and start standing up for yourself!!!
> 
> If my wife tried caging me she would return to broken windows and doors.......


I think she may doing the peeing .... on him.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

BenDEBONAIR said:


> 1. Wait till she is in the shower->enter as well->pin her to the wall and f*ck her long, deep and hard
> 2. Leave without saying a word
> 3. Head to your nearest gym and pick up a membership form->start pumping 'em irons
> 4. In the evening, sit her down where both of you are comfortable and relaxed->tell her this, "It's time for a change around here, don't you think so Babe?"
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Actually, this is what it would take to reverse this. This is Alpha stuff. Be a man.

**************************
******* DISCLAIMER ******** 
*** Do not actually rape her ***
****** But ravage her *******
**************************


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Next step is her bringing another guy home and making you watch and .... Anyway you get the picture.

No guy would put up with this unless he digs it in some perverted way.

UFB


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For each his own, but leave the kid out of it! Its not healthy for her to be brought up in a unhealthy marrige when respect is gaged on submission and dominance.

Don't walk behind me, don't walk in front of me, walk next to me!


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## Summer11 (Aug 13, 2011)

I keep asking myself if this could possibly be true:scratchhead:. I have actually seen a few shows on tv about guys actually being abused by thier wife and they are not sure what to do because they truly love thier wife.

However...this is absolutley considered abuse by locking you in the car in the heat of the day. This woman could go to jail for doing that and mabye she should. I could never imagine doing that event to the person I hate the most! When you say you know she cares about you because she happened to crack the window on the car, I hate to say it but if she cared about you, you would not be in the car in the first place. Think about that:scratchhead: Would you do this to her? 

Next time she wants you to get in the car you need to tell her no that your not taking this abuse anymore because your gonna wind up dying of a heat stroke and you might want to remind her if that happens she will have to answer to a murder charge and then where will your daughter be? 

I'm still trying to understand this....did something happen to her in the marines to make her act out like this? Or has she always had a control streak in her? This is not your typical "pay back" that couples use with each other. A typical pay back would be her sleeping on the couch for a few nights or withholding sex for a day or two, not continually lock you in a car in the heat of summer. But then again payback for looking at an attractive woman is crazy in the first place. This is just my opinion but I truly feel that you both need to go see a councelor to hopefully get this horrible behavior resolved before your physically hurt. 

Yes some women may get a bit jealous over her man looking at another girl, but honestly the way I see that is if my man didn't look when an attractive woman walks by then I would have to wonder about him It's human nature to look at people, attractive or not. 

Have you tried talking to her about this? I hope things work out for you and your daughter before anything gets worse.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> If it's real your wife is a criminal psychopath. I mean straight up serial killer potential.


:iagree: :scratchhead:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Locked in a car. Ummmm. I think I would have opened the windows dude. All of them. Including the windshield. No joke.


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## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

Summer11 said:


> I keep asking myself if this could possibly be true:scratchhead:. I have actually seen a few shows on tv about guys actually being abused by thier wife and they are not sure what to do because they truly love thier wife.
> 
> However...this is absolutley considered abuse by locking you in the car in the heat of the day. This woman could go to jail for doing that and mabye she should. I could never imagine doing that event to the person I hate the most! When you say you know she cares about you because she happened to crack the window on the car, I hate to say it but if she cared about you, you would not be in the car in the first place. Think about that:scratchhead: Would you do this to her?
> 
> ...


Thanks for the honest reply. I have talked to her about it but she has a way with words that somehow makes me feel that I am always wrong and that I deserved what she did. I did tell her that I did not want to be in the car anymore since it was cruel. She told me that it is for my own good and that she will make me do it again if necessary. I never saw any dominant behavior before we got married but over the years, it started to show. We used to have a great sex life but now, our sex life consists of me giving her oral until she orgasms and then she just rolls over and goes to sleep. It is to the point now where I just go in the bathroom and finish myself off while she sleeps.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Talk is cheap, so stop engaging with her. Deny any and all her request...even sex! The more you engage her with talk the more she will munipulate you in training you for the next level of dominace.
Your actions will speak loader then words when stop engaging her. I suggest you purposely defy her wishes and distance your self from her. 
Your wife has her own agenda in dominating you and her plan is a slow proceess for ful control. You can nip it in the bud by being defient.
Her next step in the process will be to get you in a compromising situation (can't spell)....black mail if you will. She will hold something over you to control you. So be careful she has a plan, watch out for your self.
Her plan will take longer and may even stop as long as you man up and defy her by acting acorrdingly. If not and you continue to tolorate her training, she will soon have complete control.

Again there is a long process to this training, she has educated her self in this type of thing, wearing you down little by little, mind games that will progress, and if you stop it now then you may beable to salvage whats left of your self respect.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

It always amazes me when someone describes the horrible way they are treated by their spouse and then "but I still love them'. Really? 

My first thought was that after the first episode with being left in the car there is no way in hell I would have got in the car again with someone who did that. Seriously, why do you keep getting in the car with her? Why did you even go anywhere with her? 

I have to ask? How does she treat your daughter? Because I can't believe she threats you like this and then is sweetness and light with the child and everyone else. 

She may need serious therapy, and you need to start documenting everything she does, try to get as much in emails as you can, sent her emails telling her how upset you are over her treatment of you and be specific. Keep copies of her responses. Then when you have enough evidence you need to leave and take your daughter with you. Your wife has serious problems and she shouldn't be a wife or mother until she can get a grip.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

thegreatwm said:


> Thanks for the honest reply. I have talked to her about it but she has a way with words that somehow makes me feel that I am always wrong and that I deserved what she did. I did tell her that I did not want to be in the car anymore since it was cruel. She told me that it is for my own good and that she will make me do it again if necessary. I never saw any dominant behavior before we got married but over the years, it started to show. *We used to have a great sex life but now, our sex life consists of me giving her oral until she orgasms and then she just rolls over and goes to sleep. It is to the point now where I just go in the bathroom and finish myself off while she sleeps.*


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

This is certainly her trying to be dominant but you seem to take to it. Ultimately this is your problem to fix.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

With all due respect, it's hard to imagine a situation where anyone get locked in a car they can't get out of. Go to Walmart and buy a cheap cell phone. Next time you're locked in the car, call the cops and ask them to get you out. You can tell them it was accidental and I'm sure they'll leave it at that


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

That takes the cake, you are not even worthy to get sexual gratification from her. This is hard to beleive. 

Try this, the next time she trys her verbal judo on you go over to the sink and fill a glass, give it to her and tell her you just poured her a big glass of STFU.


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

Dude, I kinda feel your pain. I too am in a relationship I consider to be borderline abusive. But mine is all verbal and emotional. You are enabling her to abuse you physically and psychologically. This is very abnormal behavior. Looking at an attractive female in no way deserves this kind of response.

I'm no psychologist (if I were, I'd be better equipped to deal with my own issues), but your wife's behavior is downright pathological. If not for yourself think about this; if your daughter ever misbehaves enough to provoke your wife's wrath, what will happen to her? 

Don't get in the car with her again. If she arms the alarm on you, there's nothing that says you can't get out and leave her to deal with the noise. 

I'm incredibly sad to hear that you're going through this. Her behavior is completely unacceptable and you must stop it by refusing to enable her.

You work on standing up to your abusive wife and I'll work on standing up to mine. It's a tough road, especially when a little one is involved, but your wife's behavior is way out of line.


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## roamingmind (Jul 20, 2011)

Do you love her or are you scared of her?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Complete submission must have occured b/c his cuckoldiess has forbiddin any more posts!


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## Madbunny (Aug 9, 2011)

I feel so bad for your situation,I must tell you she is mentally sick,
That is not how you treat a human being much less someone who you are married to and share a life with.That is cruel and horrible and you should get the heck away from her,the more you let her continue this behavior she gains power over you.It sounds like she also has no remorse over doing this to you..that in itself is scary.
And the sex thing..WTF?? It sounds like she needs mental help no offense but wow .I wouldn't be able to sleep in the same house with her.I pray that she gets the help she needs or you get away before it gets worse,you don't deserve to be treated like dirt.
Please take care of YOU.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

I would agree that you need to stand up for yourself.

"She makes me _____", is simply off the mark. She can't make you do anything, any more than you can make her do anything.

I'm all about being an "alpha" male, but keep in mind that alpha is not a free ticket to being an "A## Hole".

You can take the high ground simply by expressing that you will NOT be talked to, or treated like this by her. You can say "When your ready to treat me with respect and dignity, I will listen to you. Untill then, I won't aknowledge your rude, disrespectfull, behavior".

Then walk away from her, ignoring anything she says or does untill she does so in a respectfull way.

Oh yeah! You will catch some serious crap from her, but if you can remain consistant and unafraid of her, if she has any desire to hold onto your marriage, she will eventually learn that she has to change her behavior to keep you, If not, you did not have anything worth keeping, the loss will be hers.

Just my thought, but it sure made a stetement to my wife!

Warmly,

RDJ


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Actually, this is what it would take to reverse this. This is Alpha stuff. Be a man.
> 
> ...



That may work for some women, sometimes, but if that is your answer to sustaining a long, healthy, happy marriage, I’m guessing you are in for a serious let down.

Women are wired to emotions, and how they feel “in a specific moment”.

There may be times when she will enjoy being taken, there are times when she will desire to be made love too, body, mind and soul. There will be times when she does not really want to be touched at all.

A *real man* knows how to sense these times and respond accordingly, or simply NOT respond at all.

Warmly,
RDJ


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