# Am I wrong for feeling this way?



## jsbm (Jul 17, 2014)

I have a situation with my husband always asking for something during sex that he knows I don't like to do. To make a long story short whenever I give him a BJ he always ask me to let him cum in my mouth. I have tried it and it makes me gag and want to puke. we have been married for 21 years and this just started to happen for the past 5 or 6 years and it just keeps getting worst, he will ask me every time several times during the BJ and I give him a BJ about 95% of the time we have sex (1 or 2 a week). He is never satisfied with anything I do anymore. I feel like I don't even want to be with him anymore. We fight about sex all the time and not about not having sex just things that go on during sex. So am I wrong for feeling this way?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening jsbm

I see two different issues. The simple issue is that he wants BJs and to be allowed to finish in your mouth, and you really dislike doing that. That is not an uncommon desire in men (but not at all universal). IF he always did absolutely everything he could to please you in bed and was a wonderful lover in other ways, I would suggest that you keep trying to please him - doing it as a special treat once in a while.

Then I see your comment: He is never satisfied with anything I do anymore. 

That changes the picture completely. It is very different from him to desire something you don't like than for him to complain when you don't do it. That makes him sound completely selfish and not worth the effort of pleasing.

I may be misunderstanding though:

Does he do everything you ask in bed?

Is he just complaining about the lack of BJs to completion (maybe this is a specially strong fetish for him), or does he complain about other things. (From your post I think he complains a lot, but maybe I misunderstood).

Outside of sex, how is your relationship. Is there lots of casual intimacy or does he only touch you for sex?

Please understand that a few words in a post does not always give a good impression of what is going on. Often people (myself included) will map our own experiences onto other people when the situations are completely different.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

No you aren't wrong to feel this way. He should be happy he is getting a BJ so often from you. You can see from other posts that a lot of men aren't getting any BJ's. He shouldn't pressure you to do something you aren't comfortable with and if he keeps it up I would refuse to give him a BJ, maybe that will make him stop.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Similar to guys insisting on anal sex from a partner who doesn't want to give it up, I'd suggest he do what he's asking you to do first...

But in general, I'd say it's your choice, and he should ****** off. Speaking as a guy who likes blowjobs... It's a very nice thing to get, but not a right. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

If you do not like it, do not do it.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind at this stage after 21 years he has to accept that you're not prepared to do that...or not accept it. There's no point nagging you about it. That's not going to turn you on to doing it. In fact the more resentful you become the less amorous you're going to feel towards him. 

I think you have to give him a firm 'NO' and ask him not to bring it up again. If he can't accept that he can exercise his free will and move on.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

If he actually fights with you about this there is something wrong with him. I wouldn't want that in my mouth either.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

This sounds like he is wanting a mental/artificial perspective instead of really being in the moment with you. It is an act in his mind that he thinks he needs to have to be "happy". 

My guess is once you are able to do this there will be something else. There is a bigger problem.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Richard, are you a Transylvanian count or Vincent Price by any chance?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

How much porn is he watching and did it get worse in the last 5 or 6 years?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> How much porn is he watching and did it get worse in the last 5 or 6 years?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was wondering this too.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What is prompting him to start complaining after all these years? Is he really complaining or is he just asking for what he wants and asking you to step out of your comfort zone a little bit.

I'm one of the women who don't really care for the taste of consistency of ejaculate, but I've always been a picky eater.  I split the difference between swallowing and stepping away before her ejaculates. I allow him to finish in my mouth about half the time, then I just let the ejaculate dribble out as he calms and softens, while he is still in my mouth. Using your hands too you can swipe away the ejaculate down the length of his penis as you caress his balls.

You don't have to swallow but allowing your man to finish in your mouth is a clear signal of love and acceptance of his most prized possession. 

For some men, loving his penis is every bit as vital as loving him. And this is not a difficult thing to do.


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

jsbm said:


> I have a situation with my husband always asking for something during sex that he knows I don't like to do. To make a long story short whenever I give him a BJ he always ask me to let him cum in my mouth. I have tried it and *it makes me gag and want to puke*. we have been married for 21 years and this* just started to happen for the past 5 or 6 years and it just keeps getting worst*, he will ask me every time several times during the BJ and I give him a BJ about 95% of the time we have sex (1 or 2 a week). *He is never satisfied with anything I do anymore. *I feel like I don't even want to be with him anymore. We fight about sex all the time and not about not having sex just things that go on during sex. So am I wrong for feeling this way?


No, you are not wrong for having your own thoughts and feelings. These are not new ones so hubby is well aware of how you feel and why.

It concerns me that this has gotten worse the past several years and makes me wonder just what has changed for him to start pushing for something he knows you dislike. 

Also your comment about how you cannot do anything to satisfy him anymore makes me wonder like others if he is viewing more porn. Or perhaps talking himself into stepping out of the marriage to get his needs taken care of. 

Without talk and honest answers there is no way of knowing what his reasons are. Be forwarded he may well minimize things or make it all about you and your fault. Neither is fair.

Hang in there and start digging for some answers. Look at his Internet use/history or install a key logger to find out what you can first. It's your husband and your house to so don't feel badly for looking into things, consider it insurance and ammunition to help your marriage. Not fun to be sure, no one wants to have to snoop or spy on their spouse, but sometimes you just have to do what have to. 

I hope you take my words as I meant them, wanting to help someone out. Use what you can and let the rest go. 

Good luck~
Dancin'


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> If you do not like it, do not do it.


Come now Mr Brown! What a sweeping statement! I do not like emptying the dishwasher or ironing, but I do it! Its part of what being in a marriage/family is all about!

However, I feel very strongly that the same principle should also apply in the 'bedroom'. 
I am NOT saying that the OP should accept her husbands seed in her mouth all the time...but as it means so much to him and as she (I presume) loves him - and vice versa - I think she should make the effort occasionally.

I have read (I say 'read' because I am one of those husbands who's wife refuses to give any sort of a bj) that there are ways a woman can let a man cum in her mouth without getting the taste etc

Having said that, marriage and sex is a two way street...the husband also has to be 'flexible' in doing what SHE wants...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Plan 9 from Os
Vhat vould make you think I vas a Transylvanian count? Even if I vas, you know that vampires are all silliness anyvay. Ve are all very nice people in Transylvania. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Richard, are you a Transylvanian count or Vincent Price by any chance?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon askari
:iagree:
At least in general I think people should be willing to put in a really effort to please their spouses - BUT that only applies if their spouse reciprocates. 

If you are living with a wonderful person who does everything they can for you (in bed and otherwise), then go ahead and make that extra effort for them. If they treat you badly, then that is a whole different problem and its worth thinking about why you are in the relationship in the first place. 




askari said:


> Come now Mr Brown! What a sweeping statement! I do not like emptying the dishwasher or ironing, but I do it! Its part of what being in a marriage/family is all about!
> 
> However, I feel very strongly that the same principle should also apply in the 'bedroom'.
> I am NOT saying that the OP should accept her husbands seed in her mouth all the time...but as it means so much to him and as she (I presume) loves him - and vice versa - I think she should make the effort occasionally.
> ...


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I think that sometimes you just gotta do things you don't exactly like to please your other half.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Too bad your H had to start acting like an entitled a$$hole about it. I ve been married 9 year and only been giving bjs for a little over a year. I guess I needed some educating. LOL! But once I started I have built the desire to give him mind-blowing bjs. (Pun intended) But there has never been any pressure from him one way or the other just growing levels of appreciation.

Sorry this doesn't help you OP but maybe men can let that be a lesson to you.


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## jsbm (Jul 17, 2014)

I will try to answer all questions.
I will give you a little insight to our relationship, we meet when I was 18 he was 19, I was a virgin and had never even had any experience with foreplay, the most was a hand up the shirt. So he has been my only experience and I have tried anything he has wanted me to, but swallowing which I do this sometimes or a least give him the impression I'm going to. He also has been trying to talk me into a threesome but I have no interest in doing this and he likes to bring this up while we are having sex which pisses me off and just kills the mood for me, I finally told him I am not interested and please not to bring it up again. Now since all that talk stopped he is back to asking for the not so much swallowing but to finish in my mouth. Again the constant asking pisses me off and then I just get tried of it and walk away. We only have sex 1 maybe 2 times a week and usually he can't last more then 5 minutes during intercourse which leaves me without most the time. Porn is not a problem we usually only watch it together. we have no issues outside the bedroom other then the normal hunny do list he never does.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

My Ex-H started asking me to have a threesome after about 17 years of marriage and I let him know I was not interested. He even told me he knew somebody that might be interested. Then he started asking about other sex acts he was interested in just out of the blue. Well, I found out a month or two later that he had been having an affair with the person he knew would be interested in a threesome. 

Any chance your husband is having an affair?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Baseballmom6 said:


> My Ex-H started asking me to have a threesome after about 21 years of marriage and I let him know I was not interested. He even told me he knew somebody that might be interested. Then he started asking about other sex acts he was interested in just out of the blue. Well, I found out a month or two later that he had been having an affair with the person he knew would be interested in a threesome.


Ouch!

Not only was your ex a cheater but he was stupid too. If you're in the midst of cheating why bring attention to your affair partner. :scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Ouch!
> 
> Not only was your ex a cheater but he was stupid too. If you're in the midst of cheating why bring attention to your affair partner. :scratchhead:


Cake Eating 101: Keep Pushing The Limits

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> Cake Eating 101: Keep Pushing The Limits
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Kind of like putting that exotic car you stole into an auto show...


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## BigMrE (Jan 14, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsbm (Jul 17, 2014)

Baseballmom6 said:


> My Ex-H started asking me to have a threesome after about 21 years of marriage and I let him know I was not interested. He even told me he knew somebody that might be interested. Then he started asking about other sex acts he was interested in just out of the blue. Well, I found out a month or two later that he had been having an affair with the person he knew would be interested in a threesome.
> 
> Any chance your husband is having an affair?


No he's not having an affair when we are not at work we are together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsbm (Jul 17, 2014)

Lila said:


> What do you do when he brings up the threesomes or swallowing during sex? Do you continue through it or stop all activity?


I usually ask him not to talk about and if he persist I stop but if he does I will continue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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