# Husband's abusive grandfather wanted to visit us



## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

According to my husband's mother, her father sexually abused her and her sisters when they were kids. I am not sure if it was a one time thing or if it was something that went on for years. I don't really know any details, all I know is he did something really horrible. My mother in law is the only one that still wants to have a relationship with this man. Her sisters want nothing to do with him. 

I have never met him and my husband hasn't been around him in a long time. He never has been very close to him, and I can certainly understand why. The man molested his mother.

A few weeks ago, my mother in law told my husband that her father wanted to come visit us. We just had a baby a few months ago and my husband's grandfather has never expressed any interest in wanting to visit us before, so I'm assuming it has something to do with him wanting to see the baby.

Knowing this man has a history of being sexually abusive, I was immediately uncomfortable when my husband told me that he wanted to come visit us. I told my husband that I wouldn't even be comfortable letting his grandfather hold or touch the baby. My husband's response was "well nothing is going to happen. As long as he isn't left alone with him, which he wont be, I think its ok." He implied that he wouldn't have a problem with him holding him but he said he would never let him watch the baby unsupervised or let him change his diapers. 

To me, the thing about not leaving him with him unsupervised and not letting him change diapers was kind of obvious. Of course, NO parent is going to be ok with someone seeing their babies private parts and wiping them/cleaning them if that person has a history of being sexually abusive. 

Just knowing that he is capable of doing such a thing to his OWN daughter, I would feel awkward even having my son around him at all. I would be wondering if he was having some sort of sick thoughts about him or something. My husband says he never had a close relationship with his grandfather anyway so I'm not sure why it would bother him so much to just tell him that we don't want him around us or our son.

Fortunately, about a week or so ago, my mother in law told my husband that his grandfather had a change of plans and that he wont be able to visit right now. Since my husband never said that he didn't want him to come, I'm afraid that the topic will come back up in the future. 

If his grandfather starts talking about wanting to visit again, what am I supposed to do? My husband knows I'm not comfortable with the idea but he doesn't seem to see an issue as long as they aren't left alone together. Am I being unreasonable


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you aren't.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

If he's never had a relationship with the man, why does he want him to come visit and stay in your home?

Does the baby usually sleep in your room? Otherwise, essentially what he (and by connection the MIL whom this man molested, what is with that) is asking is that you feel comfortable with a known incestuous molester/pedophile sleeping in your home. Are you going to take turns sleeping so he doesn't try anything with the baby while you are asleep or so the baby is never unsupervised?

Sorry, but no. And if he insists on the guy coming to visit, I'd make sure and the baby were somewhere else til he left.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Well my husband never mentioned anything about him wanting to stay all night. From my understanding, I think the grandfather, his wife and my mother in law were all going on a road trip together and since they were going to be coming by this way, they thought they would stop by and see us on the way. My husband said he thinks my mother in law was actually the one who suggested it. 

But even if he just came to visit for a few hours and left, I'd still be uncomfortable. I wouldn't want him holding my son or having any psysical contact with my son at all. I don't know the man but it says a lot about a person who is capable of molesting his own daughters. If he could do that, I wouldn't put anything past him. 

I told my husband that what he needs to tell his mother is that if she wants to have a relationship with him, that's her choice but that we don't feel comfortable having him in our home or around our child. If she gets offended, I honestly couldn't care less. He is our child, and it is OUR choice. I am obligated as his mother to protect him and that's what I intend to do.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You are not only being reasonable but sounds like you are the only one with any common sense. Momma bears protect their cubs.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Good god no! You're not being unreasonable at all. 

No way in he!l would I ever let a known paedophile anywhere near my kids...no way. I don't care who it is.

Tell your husband that if he wants to see his grandfather he needs to do it on his own, away from the house. His grandfather is never to set foot on your property. 

If MIL kicks up tell her to shut up, she doesn't get a vote.


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## amber74747474 (Oct 24, 2015)

If he ever comes watch him like a f hawk


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