# Better to have seen than not to have seen - visual problems of EA



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

Those familiar with my story know that I caught my wife in the moment, naked with the OM, laying on top of him, inches away from sex. She still refuses to say "Yes, I was going to have sex." She has insisted that "It wouldn't have gotten any further and I still don't remember kissing him."

I can still picture it, that image is burned into my brain. BUT I know that many here have no REAL image just their imagination...I wonder if the imagination controlled somewhat by what your WS tells you is better. The raw images of that moment hit me today...I thought they were fading away. When my wife went to bed just an hour ago I went in for a hug. A flash of "Another man's hands were here, not mine." came to me and a sick feeling ran through my body. I asked my wife to lay down in bed. For a moment I thought that intimacy was on the horizon but for the first time in a LONG time I was interested. I gave my wife a leg massage. I had most of the day off and wasn't ready to go to bed. I figured if she was going to be working hard tomorrow too then I would help her get to sleep. I've taken time off my weekday work to do more stuff at home...this I THINK has allowed my wife a certain amount of 'peace of mind' knowing she won't come home to anything to do except relax...if she chooses to.

The images struck me again when sending email to my family back home. They don't know we're having problems and there's no point in telling them. I thought I lost the 'impact' of those images in a fog...but they came back, sharp.

If you don't have raw images, I don't know whether to feel good for you or not. I am the kind of person that would ask for every detail...catching them meant I could figure most of the physical stuff out by myself. BUT I'm not sure that was the best thing for me to see...I guess it's like choosing to watch someone you love die in front of you or just attending the funeral a couple hours or a day later instead. You could imagine the worst...ask if you needed to...but keep things at a distance.

Tonight I'm not going to be sleeping well, not without something to help.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I can't imagine what it would be like for me if I actually caught them in the moment, we might not be working things out if that happened......it's bad enough imagining what would have happened between them, It's been 6 months for me since I found out and it still brings me to tears every time I think of it and what it meant ......
I give you credit for being able to get past this, I know it's not easy, I think a lot of us here live with a lot of pain on a daily basis for the ones we love, we have to be a special bunch that can get past our own needs and work at being better people even though the ones we love aren't always deserving.....
It is like someone died or at least something, the sacred part of our marriages that we believed was just for us.....
I'm hoping in time I/You won't think of it as much and it just won't seem so important anymore......
Hang in there.....


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

She's still lying to you. Why even try?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Those images are forever burned into your memory, I can say it would be worse seeing it with my own eyes, I'd rather imagine it, but I don't imagine it, if I'd seen it, I'd have no choice, that sucks you had to see it.


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

don't you mean visual problems of PA?


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

MrRomantic said:


> don't you mean visual problems of PA?


PA means 'past affair'? Then that would be it.


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## i_feel_broken (Jul 5, 2010)

i really feel for you having seen that, I have no idea how I would have reacted to that. It is so hard to say which is worse. My wife tells me it never got physical but she has told me a lot of things! I can't bring myself to believe if they were telling each other they were in love that it never got physical. I know that now I have to go through the rest of my life not knowing what happened between them. 

They will always share that secret and my imagination runs away with me and my anger and pain just keep flowing back.

Like I say its hard to know which is worse but at least you know and they don't share that secret between them. I know it's not much of a comforter but It's something...


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

synonimous_anonymous said:


> PA means 'past affair'? Then that would be it.


PA means physical affair


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

MrRomantic said:


> PA means physical affair


Then that...


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