# How to handle this, Fiancee hate my kid



## Giro (Jul 31, 2008)

Hi, my fiancee and i have 4 years in a relationship. the first week when we met i told her i have a 3 year old kid, and she didn't show any signs of disliking my kid. it was a long distance relationship for the first 2 years, and my kid used to visit me 2 weekends in a month, and we will phone her and she will speak to my kid. Lot of things happended in the first year year of our relationship and i didn't know she is bottling things. Like i told her i suspect the kid was not mine and i wanted to do the DNA, but i contined to support my kid, and the other thing is that my ex came to my house to visit my younger sister and she came to my parents place as well. She wanted to use the kid to get me back but i didn't fall for her tricks.

And my Fiancee didn't like that, and she starting to get angry at me about those incidents, and that was 3 years ago, i thought she will get over it.

2 years back we were staying closer to each other, so could see her 4 times a week, and by that she gave me a idea that she doesn't want my kid, and i decided my kid won't visit me.
We used to fitght about this things now and then. We decied to get married. Last year i decided to to leave her because she was not happy. 2 days later she found out she was pregnant. 3 days later we got back together again. Couple of months down the line the preganacy hormones started to kick in and she made clear that she doesnn't want my kid, i engaged her knowing that it's only hormones she will be fine after having a kid and experience how is the feeling to have a kid. We got engaged , i bought rings and we decided we will soon get married. She had mood swings now and then. Recently after giving birth to our cute baby, she told me whatever she said before it was not because she was pregnant, she meant it. i got confused because we seems to be ok. She told me either i choose them or my kid. I kept quite i didn't say anything, now she seems to be happy because she is thinking that i made a choice. I don't know how to handle this thing in future, we are not married yet. I want to make her happy but on ther other hand i don't want to neglect my kid (I did the DNA last year and they were positive.)


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

put the ball in her caught , tell her to choose.
ok i have heard this situation quite alot with actual ppl i know.
she really is having a hard time and probably wont connect to your child. 
and at the best , she wont make an effort or be nice to your child.
i really believe it wil not work for her.
but at the end of the day , you have a newbaby who has another sibling.
somethings she might not like , but she certainly has to accept.
the ppl i know, never did connect with their partners offspring from previous relationships and it often caused friction and rows. 
one couple we know did get married despite her hating his kids from previous marriage - the ppl down the pub put bets that their marriage wont last a yr. and if it does last a bit longer, its for no other reason than they know bets were put on in the pub they went to. they stil row terrible now, over his kids. yet her kids are never in the wrong. if you knew them , they are. but she wil only see issues with his kids.
i suggest u put your foot down here.
as for marriage at this point - id have a delayed attitude.
this issue wil not just go away. she has to b on a level with you. 100/0 is not an advantage , its an insult to your child. she cant have it all ways.


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## chrisl1977 (Aug 5, 2008)

I wouldn't marry her if she won't accept your child. You have a responsibility to both children, and any woman who doesn't accept that fact needs her head checked IMHO. 

As far as having to chose one over the other - I'd throw a third option out...you maintain a relationship with both kids and get rid of her. I would hope any judge in a custody hearing would be able to sort things out and grant visitation right.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Giro said:


> 2 years back we were staying closer to each other, so could see her 4 times a week, and by that she gave me a idea that she doesn't want my kid, and i decided my kid won't visit me.


Wow, I think you made a seriously bad decision right at this point, choosing not to see your child. This woman is expecting you to make decisions that no father should be allowed to make and anyone expecting you to put them before your children is just plain selfish and manipulative. That should have been your red flag to let her go.

I would say put your children first, at all costs, and let the rest fall where it may.


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## bumble (Aug 6, 2008)

You need to think about the situation you could be putting your child in. Your child always comes first and if this woman is so silly as to dislike a child, I can not see why you would bother sticking around. She sounds very immature and like a big waste of time.


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## Giro (Jul 31, 2008)

When i decided last year that we should go separate ways because i can see she is not happy, now she is saying it shows i choose my little queen over her.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

im a mother before im a wife. children are innocent, they cannot protect themselves.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

i know you love her, but you owe it to your kid to be an active parent in his/her life, esp since the test was positive. ask her how would she like it if you two split up and the new woman in your life wanted you to neglect the child that you two just had. no matter how much trickery your ex tried, the child shouldn't suffer for that. i would not neglect my child at any cost, not even for my husband who is their father.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

If you choose to stay with this woman you're doing it for selfish reasons. You brought two children into the world who you need to put first and foremost before any woman/man/friend/animal/job, anything. PERIOD. Kids have no choice, but you do, so step up and do right for your kids. How is your first child going to feel if you get with this woman and her kid, but won't be with that one?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

don't give up either kid, they both deserve a father.

draconis


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## tinkerbell (Dec 7, 2008)

Wow, i cant believe what a selfish person she is.
DO NOT give up on your child/children. I am in relationship where my husband has walked out on his children he made me believe his ex was not allowing him to see them which i have since found out was lies. To me this has been a final nail in the coffin and i have decided to end our relationship.
Not one day ever goes by when i dont think of my step children, i love them as if they were my own, iam not saying every time i saw them was easy but hey neither are your own children. I got in this relationship knowing and accepting he had children.
In my opinion she will not change and does not deserve your love and respect, whatever you do DO NOT MARRY HER - will only make things harder not easier and you will be fighting a battle that unfortunately you will never win - unless the impossible happens - a personality transplant.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Get rid of the woman .... see both of your kids. Any woman that would reject a child of yours doesn't love you truly and selflessly.


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