# how do you stop yourself from calling him



## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

How do you keep yourself from calling him after he is gone?


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## LookingForTheH20 (Jun 24, 2011)

Read "God on a Harley"? Just an idea that's sort of working for me...


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

Get a friend to agree to let you call them every time you have that temptation, or more than one friend.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

It's hard. I'm having the same issue with my recently seperated wife. 

I think you have to start realising that every time you phone them up, you're putting more of your own emotions and your own feelings back in their hands. 

Trying to accept they are gone is one of the hardest things. I'm still struggling with it now, hoping I'll be back with her some day, but the only way to ever have a chance of that is to let them go, work on yourself, and try to be strong. 

It's one of lifes darker ironies in this situation that the only real way to win back your ex is to completely let them go and start living your own life. Of course, by that point, you may not even want them back. There's only so much pain anyone can put up with. 

It's natural to want to phone them up. It's hard to accept so much change so soon and to have the person you relied on for so much of your emotional support to be gone out of your life. Of course you want them to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok, and for them to take the pain away. But even if they do the pain won't go. You're too hurt, you've been dealt a grevious wound and you need time to recover from it on your own terms. 

I know how heartbreaking it is. Hang on in there. You have a hug from me if it's any consolation.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Take his number out of your phone so you have to think about it before you dial.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Write a list of the awful things he's said and done to you and read it daily. Self-talk yourself out of it. Write here what you want to say instead of calling him. Because at this point, most likely you're talking to a brick wall, and doing more damage than good. It only helps yourself, really, and even then you're torturing yourself. I know it's hard, I was in your shoes. But get out and take care of yourself, distract yourself to the point where you don't have time to call him.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

The Count said:


> It's natural to want to phone them up. It's hard to accept so much change so soon and to have the person you relied on for so much of your emotional support to be gone out of your life. Of course you want them to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok, and for them to take the pain away. But even if they do the pain won't go. You're too hurt, you've been dealt a grevious wound and you need time to recover from it on your own terms.


 So true and well said.


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## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> *Write a list of the awful things he's said and done to you and read it daily.* Self-talk yourself out of it. Write here what you want to say instead of calling him. Because at this point, most likely you're talking to a brick wall, and doing more damage than good. It only helps yourself, really, and even then you're torturing yourself. I know it's hard, I was in your shoes. But get out and take care of yourself, distract yourself to the point where you don't have time to call him.


That one I am going to do tonight - it's proper difficult to give them space - can't stop thinking about it


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

I'm going through the giving space thing and it sucks on so many levels.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

stop the urge...just cry instead.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

It's very hard, but not impossible. In the beginning, I found it to be a sort of physical withdrawal. I would actually have a physical reaction the times of day when we would usually talk. In order to stop the shakes, I would have to get up, take a walk, to to the bathroom, call a friend, do anything to stop myself from wanting to talk to him.

Like everyone, I fell off the wagon a few times. Each of those times helped me to realize that talking to him would inevitably hurt me much more than not talking to him. I miss him more than anything some days still and it'll be a year of separation in October. At the same time though, I remember all of the cruel things he did to lead up to the separation and the lack of emotion that I got from him those few times we did speak. When I remember that, I don't want to talk to him anymore. Talking to him now about anything except the kids would be like intentionally slamming my hand in the car door - crazy and hurtful only to me. 

Don't beat yourself up about this - it's not a switch that you can turn on and off. A spouse is number one on your support system list - once that line of support is cut off, it's very hard not to miss it and not to want it back. "No contact" is definitely a fake it 'til you make it situation. You can make it; it just takes time.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Change their name on your phone to something that will remind you of what they did to you.
Mine is *"He who cannot decide." *Everytime, he calls, I am reminded of the limbo that he has put our marriage in, and it reminds me not to put too much hope in his phone call.
Everytime I have the urge to call my husband, the words reminded me of what he won't do to save our marriage.
Works, try it!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Just remember that they are not going to say what you want to hear. The list LNL talks of is a good way to show yourself that losing him or her ain't all bad ;o) Just know that they don't even know what to say and if they do they are not going to say it.


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## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

I have spent the day packing his things. I need them out of the house. I still want to call him.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Good idea prof I put mine as A**hole that left me


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I spend a lot of my time reflecting and going over things that happened between us.

Things he did, lied about, hid from me, the debt, the drugs, the cruelty, the other women, the attempts at control. I even have a few key conversations I keep afloat in my head like 

"I want to do drugs, so I can't be with you because you don't"

"you spiteful nasty *****"

"you're the woman, you need to hang your head and ask to come back to me"

I also keep the memory of after me pouring my heart out about my depression, him moving into his parents house, refusing to let me use the car to get to work, only coming home to smoke weed or do other drugs while I was sleeping or at work, and then telling me it "heres your f*cking vacation"

or the bar fight that got him hospitalized and was MY fault because I'm such a c*nt.

I'm sure you have some "fond" memories. reflect on them, even if you wonder how someone who "loved" you can do this, and remind yourself how much better you deserve. I still have his number, it's still his name in my phone. I don't contact him, because I don't deserve that and I make sure to remind myself why.


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Good idea prof I put mine as A**hole that left me


:smthumbup: Puts humor into this horrible situation too. It's like your little secret.


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