# Husband says hurtful things and keeps trying to change me



## lttleprincess81 (Nov 5, 2011)

Hey guys. This is my situation. I have been married for almost 5 years. My husband is a entrepreneur and it has been a roller coaster ride. We have been through years of good times and years of being broke. About 2 years ago one business we were in was draining all our money and I had financed about 50k of it on credit cards/loans. I have great credit my husband not so good. Anyhow the whole 5 years we have been married minus the last 3 months I have worked full time. Many times when he had no money coming in I would carry us. But after that business went down-he tried to start another business and for about 3 to 5 months hardly no money was coming in. I pushed him and pushed him to get a job-after all the debt was all on me and was overwhelming. I cried and was angry that we were so in debt-I was working and going to school full time, while he was sitting at home "trying to start another business." He never said much about it, but finally got a part time job-but hated it and hated me for making him. At this point he out of nowhere told me he doest want to be with me anymore. He started locking himself in the other room and wouldn't talk to me for days/weeks. I finally decided to go out to Ohio and stay with my family. After I'm gone about a week or two comes out and tells me he loves me and we start working to mend things but in the process I find out he was texting a mutual pretty close friend of our family's-who is only 15 and goes to our church. Her friend went to the pastor and said they were discussing our marriage. I dont think anything happened between them-she was like our little sister. He said that he got fed up with all the pressure I was putting him under, and that they texted a lot about our relationship. He said she told him to go to Ohio when I left to go work things out. I honestly dont think anything ever happened between them....

So about 6 months ago my husband started another new company, and it is going very well. He has always been a genius when it comes to business/marketing. We have more money then we have ever made-but in the process he is changing. Just a little about him-he is very talented. He is bilingual, is great at marketing, can play any musical instrument, is not afraid of taking risks, is a great speaker is not afraid of trying anything new and has had numerous successful businesses. But his downfalls-he is very hard to please, he is harsh on people, very non emotional-and hates talking about emotions and I have heard a few people say he is just plain mean. He has always been a little hard on me and I have heard even another guy friend of ours say this. But recently he has started treating me like trash. About 3 months ago he told me that I needed to lose weight, and had I looked in the mirror because I looked horrible. While he had a point I prob had gained around 15 pounds since I was married-I was maybe a size 8-not huge by any means. He kept going on and on that day about it-and made me feel so bad that I laid on the bed and cried and cried and told him he made me feel so bad. He didn't care that much, sometimes when I cry he actually laughs and mimics me crying. Well since then I have lost 15 pounds! Yes I have worked hard at it. But now he says he's not happy because I'm too conservative. I am conservative, have always been a Christian, dont drink, smoke go clubbing or anything. We both were raised in a pretty conservative homes and when we married we had the same values. Since then he has decided he wants to have "fun." He has started drinking, and even goes out with the guys maybe once a week and stays out until 3 in the morning. He even said something a few months ago about how he got married young-he got married at 21-and how he didn't get time to have fun. But he complains that I dont go out and go drinking or clubbing with him. I dont want to drink. But besides that because of his new business he was out of state for about 2 months (he would come back to visit me about every other weekend). Everything was mostly good-he was always so happy to see me. Well the last time he came to visit a week ago-he was really mean to me. He said I dress nice-but I need to basically dress ****tier-he didnt use that word-but he said I dress too conservatively. HE also said I'm more like a business partner than his wife. This hurt me deeply-he has since said he doesn't remember saying that. He was once madly in love with me, but now everything I do is wrong. We recently are living back together since he is back from his out of state business and things have gotten really bad. If I ask a question while the TVs on, he explodes and says dont say anything, just fit in with the furniture. We just rented a condo downtown and I brought some of my stuff with me to move in-he said no dont bring your towels-this is my bachelor pad. Basically he kept bugging me about anything that would look feminine to the point I said do you even want me to live here with you-or is this your house. He said no you can live here. Then today he was a total jerk again to the point I dont think he wants to be with me-I started crying. He yelled at me, and said I just want to work and make money and you are distracting me. If you are going to get in my way just leave. I have threatened leaving and staying with my family again-this is where I stayed while he was traveling (all our stuff was in storage). He says he doesnt want me to go-but the only time he is nice to me is when he wants sex which is most nights. I have been torn up, and even not really eating. I have tried to have several talks with him about why he treats me this way, and he being the intolerant person he is says "the more conversations we have like this the more I want to get away from you." I feel like I am trapped being with someone who financially has started to take care of me pretty well-still have about 20k left to pay on the 50k debt from 3 years ago. And about 3 months ago got to quit my job. I work a little with his business and am in the middle of startin my own business. But emotionally he is always picking at something about me. When I complain that he brings me down and makes me feel like I have no value-he says you want some perfect love story and there is no perfect love story. He says I"m not an emotional person and I only express love by buying you things......every day I end up crying-because he is always saying hurtful things. When I cry he gets angrier-I have to break this cycle. I have threatened leaving many times-but it kills me inside to think about. He has been working very hard on his new business and he says that the only thing he cares about right now is making money...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's abusive. It seems to me that now that he's making money it's gone to his head. Now he's the big guy and you are just in the way.

IMHO, your best bet is to leave and go live with our family. This is not going to get any better if you keep doing what you are doing.

And if he begs you to come back, don't no it unless he puts in many hours a marriage counseling with you.

You do not deserve to be treated this way.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I rarely say divorce but this is an instance. You are just not made for each other. He may be talented and doing well, but he isnt for you. Start now to think of divorce dont wait till gets even worse.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He is a d!ck. Plain and simple. The manner in which is speaks to you is revolting. He is emotionally abusive and you can expect more of the same unless he actually acknowledges he's in the wrong (a rarity) or you leave him. He's an a$$hole.

My ex husband would speak to me just like yours. His relative even called him out on it. He didn't care. These types get worse over time. Trust me. And the more $, the more ambitious, the more it goes to their head. My ex was the SAME as you describe above.


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## ArmyWive12 (Jan 19, 2012)

Yes he is an idiot you need to leave if he makes you feel this way on a daily basis leave do not let this relationship destroy who you really are. No one should ever put another person down especially one that you love. Life is not a perfect love story but he should try to make it at close to one for you as he possible can. Sounds to me like he has no appreciation for the fact that you have helped him in his lowest times. If h is a married man he has no business coming home at 3 o'clock nothing good happens after midnight. The fact that he is constantly trying to change you may be signs of him cheating on you. Either way i think you should leave go with family work on yourself and let him come to you. Sounds like you have done enough on your part to make it work.


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## andeypandy (Jan 19, 2012)

He is acting like a jerk yes, but I am going to be the odd one out and say that it is because you a letting him.

Common now, lets review.
He acts like a jerk. You cry. You get over it. He does it again.
Are there any consequences to his behaviour?
Do you get angry?
Does he have issues? Yes he does. 

Notice that the only time you provided a consequence is when you went away and left him and he came crawling back crying to get you back. Think about that one.


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