# Meaning of Engagement



## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

I could get much more involved if this thread goes on, but just a general question about the meaning of commitment for women.

It seems I'm in a position of feeling pressured into engagement. I myself (man) am the type to want to feel comfortable, stable, and confident that she is the one I want to marry as far as her involvement in finances, the household, and future plans. I tend to use the words US, WE, and OURS. She is mostly I, HERS, and calls the car MINE. 

Can it be possible, that if she were to be proposed to, she would see that commitment as a huge change, and she would change gears, because she feels more secure? Start having a more US attitude on things? Am I wrong for wanting to the relationship to be at the level of commitment, BEFORE actually taking that leap?

Thank you ladies


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Until the commitment is formalized (engagement), the We, Us and Ours can feel rather vague. An engagement tends to tell the world that the relationship is a committed one and that the couple have plans for a permanent future together, which automatically changes the terminology.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

mothugsta said:


> I could get much more involved if this thread goes on, but just a general question about the meaning of commitment for women.
> 
> It seems I'm in a position of feeling pressured into engagement. I myself (man) am the type to want to feel comfortable, stable, and confident that she is the one I want to marry as far as her involvement in finances, the household, and future plans. I tend to use the words US, WE, and OURS. She is mostly I, HERS, and calls the car MINE.
> 
> ...


No she most probably won't change her attitude without overt discussion and a sincere desire to do so.

What you see is almost always what you get in marriage.

Talk to her and see how she feels about it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I believe what you see is what you get. If she's like this now she will be like this after engagement and or marriage.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

If you're not ready to be married, you should not propose. Engagement is a promise to marry. There have even been lawsuits about broken engagements citing breach of contract. It's not something to do just to make someone feel more secure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

mothugsta said:


> It seems I'm in a position of feeling pressured into engagement.


Care to elaborate on that one line? 

Pressured? By who--her or yourself?

If she is pressuring you, then this will set the model for your entire marriage. She will pressure you to do this or that, and you will fold. Your marriage will be a disaster. Eventually, she will lose respect for you and start cheating on you. Look in the infidelity section, it's the same story over and over and over again.

If you are pressuring yourself, then you aren't ready. 

In either case, the answer is the same: don't get married now.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I was not inclined to think of it as us until we were engaged and planning the wedding. I know it's a common belief among men that us women are looking to take advantage of you financially but I also have a job that pays quite well and thus have assets to protect. Why would I want to mix my finances with yours if you're not willing to formalize anything? If you want to marry her and it's this that concerns you have a discussion with her about it. If you don't want to marry her for other reasons either address them with her or get out now. The most important things in a good marriage are communication and compromise so here's your first opportunity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi, I can totally relate to this. I have once been guilty of making my boyfriend feel 'pressured' to propose or commit to me already. But here's my side (and I think a lot of other women, not all, would agree). When a woman finally finds the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she wants to start 'the rest of her life' as soon as possible. So, you can take it as a compliment guys. She thinks you're the right man for her. On the other hand, if you're not yet really ready to take that leap, just tell her why, just be honest, your girl would appreciate and accept you for it, if she really loves you. Usually a girl would just want to know or make sure you also feel the same way about her. Tell her that you love her truly and that you're not going anywhere even if you're not (yet) married  There is a sense of security that women can find in a proposal, but sometimes a simple verbal assurance will do ;-) - mae


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Don't expect a zebra to change its stripes just because you decide to call it a pony
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Write up a Pros and Cons list about your relationship. Marriage intensifies things.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Even before we were engaged, my husband clearly had an "*US*" attitude.... which allowed me to feel very comfortable before him using the "*US*" / "*OURS*"...and "*WE*" from early on...

Anytime a hint of the future was involved...when we talked... it was "*OUR*" future together....if I didn't feel this from HIM, or some hesitation on his part... I would have been reluctant to use those terms, as to *NOT* push myself on him.. I wouldn't want a man to feel pressured to marry me ....as that would bother me...taking away from it's Romance somehow. 

My question is....Do you always express & bestow the "*US*" ...*OURS*"...."*WE*"... in regards to her/ your future together? IF so, you have been a fine example ...but what is this pressure you speak of ?? Not understanding that part.

IF you are meaning she is pressuring you - but yet...still does NOT use those terms (when you Do easily & freely)......I'd say it's something very likely that won't change....these are her feelings, a separateness there... but to what extent...and will it cause problems down the road...is the question. 

Can you give some examples -what really bothers you ?


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