# Intro



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I'll give the same kind of intro recommended in reddit.com/r/divorce:

Me: 42M
Her: 39F
Met: December 1997
Married: May 2002
Separated: September 2018
Children: 13F and 12F

Separation was her idea and we are "amicable". She's stopped pushing for divorce but I think it is more laziness and apathy than any real desire to reconcile. I got to talkaboutmarriage from a link in a reddit divorce discussion. I don't have a specific post idea right now but I frequent the forum often enough that I feel like I should get an official user account.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Hiner112 said:


> I'll give the same kind of intro recommended in reddit.com/r/divorce:
> 
> Me: 42M
> Her: 39F
> ...


*Would love to hear more of the specifics of the downside of your union, more so in narrative form! Then I think that we'd be better able to counsel you on it!

Welcome to the TAM Family! Really hate to see you here but you've come to the best possible place for relationship advice!*


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sometimes that divorce push stops when they realize the effort it takes to support ones self ...... or the other man isn't quite the catch she thought he was going to be, or she found out he was married, or he was really bad in bed, maybe he had a micropenis, too many credit cards, didn't like the restaurant he was taking her too, found out he was trans gender, maybe was'nt a feminist, perhaps he didn't bathe much,
stomach too hairy, ate too many peppers, dirty finger nails, bad breath can't be ruled out. 

We will get to the bottom of it for sure !!!!!!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I think Mr.Married got it in one. The last couple years of our relationship didn't feature a ton of involvement or communication from the wife. Once she was on her own the laundry fairy didn't come while she was sleeping or working, groceries didn't appear in the fridge, dinner didn't appear on the table, and dishes didn't appear in the cabinets. Her money is what pays for rent and bills.  At the end of a bad day there's no one to interact with the kids.

We've had some discussions about what happened and I think my reaction has added some to her doubt / uncertainty. When she first told me, she expected sadness and / or anger but all she got from me was numb tiredness. I'd carried the weight of the family on my shoulders for a long time and it wasn't appreciated. At least I knew that when she moved out that I wouldn't be missing her contributions much and this surprised her too. For instance, she asked how I was doing and, when I told her that it was nice not doing as many chores, I had to explain that I didn't wash her clothes or the clothes the kids wore at her place, or have to cook on the days without the kids there, etc.

One of the reasons I think the other guy hypothesis is wrong is that 6 months after moving out she said in passing that she might end up alone though that could be a "it didn't work out" result. There's been very little time between co-parenting and her job changes to develop a relationship but it could happen, I guess.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

39 is a really BIG number for a woman. It’s the woman brick wall looking her right in the face.

I want to add something: Never ever in life should you expect a woman to understand all the sacrifices you make as a man to support a family. They are literally incapable of it. Just like your never going to have menstral cramps or blow a watermelon out your vagina. It just isn’t going to happen.


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