# How to stop the images in my head of them together! please help



## mrscox (Mar 1, 2012)

Ok, so me and the husband have been together 8 years married 2, he recently confessed to sleeping with another women, now he could of got away with this and not told me but immediately a few days after he told me, said as we were going through a bad patch working different shifts and only seeing eachother at weekends, arguing lots. He said he started to develop feelings for another women and began to question what he wanted. He said they got close they would talk and he just enjoyed her company and then he just slept with her it just happened not planned and since then he has regretted it ever since, says after he felt dirty and the whole thing ment nothing and he immediately knew what he wanted. He wanted to tell me because although he knew it would hurt me he wanted honesty and communication and to work through this. He says it has been the biggest mistake of his life, he cries a lot, says he lost track of what was important but this made him realise how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. I haven’t been able to sleep eat, got to the stage he was forcing high calorie work out shakes down me to get something inside me, I feel numb, we cry lots together and talk lots, he has give me passwords for his facebook email account and leaves his phone around for me to look at anytime, he says he will do whatever it takes to put this right and will never hurt me again. He booked us in to see a marriage counsellor this Friday but I just cant get the images of them together out of my head. He said it happened up his gym as she works there and was left to close up so I wonder if I was a quick 5 minute thing because of being possibly caught etc or if there was intimacy passion foreplay, I feel sick of the thought of his hands all over her and don’t want to think of these things but cant help it  I think now when were intimate is he remembering her, comparing me to her and I just feel sick 


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

It never just happens. This is real life not porn. That's the first thing he needs to realize. Second thing is I would suspect only time will soften the images. The same like most traumatic events. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, distrustful, etc. You have to go through all the emotions.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I agree that time is probably the only thing that "softens" the images, and that I understand the pain of them very well.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You need to seek counseling with a qualified professional with experience in helping victims of infidelity and PTSD to recover from the trauma. I did and it was money well spent.


----------



## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

:iagree: You should also try to work the same shifts if possible. My husband and I worked different shifts early in our marriage, and it almost destroyed us.


----------



## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

First, realize the images you have of them together are probably much deeper and more glamorous than what the reality of it was. Morituri offers some good advice about getting help. Recovering from an affair is hard work, but well worth it when you are both as serious about it as you both seem to be.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I agree some IC has helped me with this issue. we are 9 months into this and I still have thoughts of my wife with him. It is less and less all the time. 

At first I was were you were at am I being compared, sized up, was he better and was she different with him. Mental movies and so on. 

When the mind movies start up now I work hard on thinking about things that make me happy. It takes time


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

what he says and is doing are out of guilt. He seems to be remorseful. 

What you are feeling are normal, most of us have gone through. 

You need to focus on yourself. The mind images will taper off once the relationship is reignited.

For this to happen, he has to do a lot of weightlifting.....


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Please read this article below. 



Stephanie Anderson said:


> *Cheated On, Tortured by Images.*
> 
> You’ve been cheated on, and you may have a slew of disturbing images invading your every waking thought: horrible affair images of your spouse with the paramour, talking, laughing, getting physical…
> 
> ...


----------

