# Should I initiate?



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Quick recap.....after almost 18 yrs of marriage, H says he wants a separation. He's not happy. He sprung this on me 7 weeks ago. He didn't want anything to do with counseling. He is moving out this week. No OW that I know of, but I am suspicious of his online activity.

Last week he texts me and says he says he doesn't want to sell the house and wants to talk to a therapist (both of us together) to see if we can "figure things out and see if we can understand each others differences". He wants me to pick the therapist and prefers it to be a woman so I don't say he picked a man and it was 2 against 1 (I know, weird) if it doesn't work.

There has been no talk of this since last week. Do I bring it up to him, or wait to see if he mentions it after he moves out? I think he may be realizing what is at stake here, but I may be wrong.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

jenny123 said:


> Quick recap.....after almost 18 yrs of marriage, H says he wants a separation. He's not happy. He sprung this on me 7 weeks ago. He didn't want anything to do with counseling. He is moving out this week. No OW that I know of, but I am suspicious of his online activity.
> 
> Last week he texts me and says he says he doesn't want to sell the house and wants to talk to a therapist (both of us together) to see if we can "figure things out and see if we can understand each others differences". He wants me to pick the therapist and prefers it to be a woman so I don't say he picked a man and it was 2 against 1 (I know, weird) if it doesn't work.
> 
> There has been no talk of this since last week. Do I bring it up to him, or wait to see if he mentions it after he moves out? I think he may be realizing what is at stake here, but I may be wrong.



Wow! If it were me I'd bring it up and wouldn't wait the winds may shift again.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sounds like the cold realization of the changes he's bringing forth are hitting him. His text is odd. Is he asking for R, or just an exit therapy (which I have heard of to help couples deal with the strain of ending a long term relationship). The other thing that seemed odd was his moving out, but don't sell the house. Does he want it both ways, his freedom and the family home?
Do you want to get back together? If you do, bring it up and find a therapist. If you are unsure, wait for him to mention it.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

He never mentioned the R word. I asked him if going to counseling was just to shut me up and and say we tried. He said no. He claims he has alot of things he needs to figure out and wants to see if he has issues with himself or if it is us as a couple. 

He also mentioned the place he will be renting is on a month to month because he explained the situation to the landlords and they understand. Gee I wish he would explain it to me!


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Today is moving day. I am having some anxiety today. I know the tension will be gone once he leaves, but it is going to be emotional.....especially for the kids


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

How old are your kids? My kids really didn't have any trouble getting use to him being gone. Isn't that crazy? I think it's because he wasn't that interactive w/ them in months/years. They hardly asked about him when he was first gone. Rarely do they now.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

My kids are 16 and 14. They are kind of used to him not being around because he was gone for 6 months while working out of state recently (he would come home once a month). This is a different kind of "gone" though.....more permanent and for different reasons. 

They seem okay for now, but I am a bit worried about them. I didn't come from a broken home, so I don't know what is going through their heads. They don't like to talk about it.

Mama.....does your stbx have any contact with your kids now?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

He has actually had more contact recently but it wasn't initiated by him but by my kids or me. He has had them for 2 Saturday nights in a row. My older kids (older than yours) don't really talk to him. The two that live at home resent him. My d will be polite when he picks up the little ones, but she won't return texts or make contact. My oldest son won't have any contact and avoids at all cost. My oldest daughter is upset w/ him but will keep contact w/ him. She is torn up by this and his behavior. 

He has gone weeks though without making contact w/ the little kids, just last month. He went to the zoo and didn't take my kids so I am guessing who ever he is dating has kids (yeah, I saw the charge).

I work with 14-18 yr olds... they all handle it so differently and at their own speeds.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

OMG...so he is in the process of moving his stuff as I type and he asks the KIDS to HELP him!!!!!

I am beyond pissed!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sounds like he wants to work on things. It would probably encourage him if you brought it up. It'd show that you're also eager to work on things.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Could he be trying to bond w/ them in some warped way?


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