# Staying Faithful to my wife causes me much Depression



## Skeg (Oct 12, 2012)

I've been married for 10 months now, my wife is the best person I know, she is pretty most the time and loves me well. I have a huge depression problem, the problem is that I've spent most my life in the party scene, Drinking, drugs and many many sexual partners. So now I'm married to a very straight girl, I am Australian and she is Canadian so we live in Aus and she has left her family to be here with me. We both moved to a new city straight away and all we know is each other. I feel I am living such a boring, straight life, I don't party any more because she hates it and we both don't have any friends. I am so bored and depressed that I just think about being with other women every day, I miss the highs and Lows of being single and the interesting things that always seemed to happen, I think of Divorce every week. I feel very sorry for my wife because she is Loving, Level headed and try's her best to please me but I think I am just promiscuous and a thrill seeker. I don't know what to do, she deserves so much more and I feel if I leave her she will be completed broken, oh and she was a virgin at marriage, she waited for me. But if I stay I think I will be forever unhappy and grumpy and this will make her life miserable also. I feel so unhappy that its just a matter of time before I leave her so that makes me think well you might as well just do it now! Oh and I am very honest with her abou how I feel which breaks her heart but I don't say it's because I've been a womaniser my whole life I say it's because shes suffocating and doesn't let me hang with my friends if I make them that is. Any thoughts? I know I come across as a terrible guy but its got to that point where I don't care, it is what it is.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Well first, don't have children until you feel the issues have been resolved. You have kind of made sex a chief priority. 

Isn't it possible, to go to shows, plays, other events, make friends with other couples, without having sex with these people. I would try this, but if it is not going to be, then you're right, you need to end it, though one suspects, if you are 44 and strung out one night, with some woman with a drug problem, who stole your wallet and credit cars and may have given you VD, you may regret your choice.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Make a choice thats what you do. If you really miss the party life then divorce her and go live that lifestyle. If you love your wife and are willing to make a positive change, and leave the party lifestyle behind then thats what you do. If the depression over the whole thing bothers you, you might want to seek help for that too. Sometimes you have to let go, make sacrifices and grow up.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Are you homesick? Can you move back to where you have friends and family? It may be worth it to do that if at all possible. Otherwise if you split and then you find the party scene vacant after a few years you may really miss her, and wish you had tried other options before divorce. 10 months if a very short time to be married.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

Here's a thought, since you asked:

Grow up.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Why on Earth did you get married then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Why oh why did you get married? If you want to be single then by all means do so. Geesh....

Did you just think by magic you'd learn to love living a 'straight' life?


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

The good news is you haven't done anything to sacrifice this relationship yet, so it's still repairable. 

The bad news is that believe me, these feelings you're having are not going to go away. You've only been married 10 months and you're feeling like this! What's going to happen after 10 years...? 

Either make a drastic change in your priorities, do what IAMCIV said, OR go it alone knowing that you may well have said goodbye to the best thing that could have happened to you.

To quote the great Woody Harrelson:
"It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with.."


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

Skeg said:


> Oh and I am very honest with her abou how I feel which breaks her heart but I don't say it's because I've been a womaniser my whole life I say it's because shes suffocating and doesn't let me hang with my friends if I make them that is.


So you say you've been honest, yet you are lying through your teeth breaking her heart, misguiding her understanding of your behavior, making her think she's to blame, when your just to cowardly to tell her what's really bothering you...

How narcissistic can you be?

There's another thought, oh wait, it might be a question, n'ah it's rhetorical, so it's still a thought.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

I think you might not be able to intimacy, real intimacy. Work your issues out with a counsellor, a forum is not the right place for huge problems like this. 
You know yourself that you cannot party your whole life. But if you really want that you must divorce. There is a reason why you partied that much, I guess you have huge issues.
Sure you have no friends after moving in another place. Then search friends, go to sports clubs do political work, volunteering etc. 
Your previous life was like taking drugs all the time - apart from the drugs you took. Now you don't have the drugs you have only you. Explore your past, your upbringing, your parents your dreams.
In Australia there are a lot of decent buddhist centers there you can learn how to meditate on a non religious basis, this will help you a lot, but is is a slow way.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Dude.. You're thinking with your ****. That's all there is to it. Grass looks greener on the other side, but when you were on the other side you thought the grass looked greener with your wife. Now you're pining again!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I would divorce your wife; party and have sex with multiple partners. 

Then...months or years down the road regret what you did because you then want to clean up your life and find a respectable person to love and love you.

OR

Figure out another way to spice up your life or figure out why you like living life on the edge!


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## forevermemorable (Oct 19, 2012)

I read your post, but I just responded the other day to someone similar to you and I am going to cut & paste that message herein, because it applies to you 100%!

Its really hard to have sympathy for you bro, because you married an innocent gal just because you didn't have the balls to call it off. How cruel and sad is that?

When you gave your word at the alter, to love her unconditionally, that was a life commitment. I don't care how anyone else responds herein to degrade marriage. If there is no adultery, you have no right to divorce your wife!

Okay, so you married the wrong person...now what? You make your marriage work! It will take work to make it work, but I believe you can make it happen, if you apply yourself. Get past your selfish self and focus on your innocent lamb. That is your duty bro! That is what you ought to do as a husband! I got news for you that really might hurt your ego...ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!

Fulfill your oath and do what is right! Divorce is NOT an option for you! "But you can't tell me what to do" you might say. "I can divorce her if I want to" you might also say. You are right there. You can become a liar (breaking your oath to stay with her no matter, that you made at the alter) and go play the dating game again, but I promise you with 100% utter certainty, you will never have the set of balls that you currently have now, with your wife. You will never be anymore than what you are currently right now. Does that make sense? You will wonder the rest of your days aimlessly trying to please yourself and never really committing to anyone or anything. You will have no purpose in life, other than just occupy the days until you pass away.

I really really don't mean to sound morbid on this, but I really want to paint a picture of reality for you my friend. This is reality and the choices you make to stick with your commitment to your wife or abandon it, will determine the rest of your life for better or for worse. It doesn't get any more real then this! This is your life now...accept it! Embrace it! Cherish it! Love your wife! Be all you can be to her! You might not have something magical now, but I promise you...with utter certainty, that if you truly love on your wife the way a husband should, you will fall in love with her and fill one aspect to your emptiness in your life.

I want you to make this happen. I want your marriage to thrive and to be happy. I want the two of you to be satisfied and complete. There is so much in your marriage for the taking and you can have it, if you truly want it.

Make the right choice!


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