# Someone talk me out of egging his house...



## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

Now I find out that my STBXH (ex-pastor) has "misappropriated" a lot of money I gave him for a huge credit card bill he said he had before we were married.

I had just received a small inheritance and thought it would be good to start our married life in the black. After much research, I find that five years ago he did not put the money towards the bill, but rather put it in his savings account. I am waiting for disclosures to find out what happened to it.

The lawyer said that he doesn't think anything can be done since I gave it to him before we were married (?). Just another lie in a string of lies. I loved and trusted him so much--I thought he walked on water, so to speak.

After I wouldn't perform my duties correctly, he wanted to move on. Now I'm yesterday's trash. Some people have no conscience.


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

*the sound of crickets is most interesting! I bet you'd find some here that would help you do it!*


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Living well and being happy is the best revenge.


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

Thanks, Pink...hahaha...
Pictureless--I am finding that to be SO difficult! He goes smugly to church and all his men's functions there--playing the victim! There have been other indiscretions yet when I wanted to talk to him about them, I was accused of "attacking" him. He has a million ways to turn things around or deflect them.
Now, he wants to get back into being a pastor/teacher in a church where they accept divorced pastors. I feel I should warn them!


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## Brystensmom (Feb 3, 2014)

Save yourself the time and energy. Its not worth it. To retaliate against him will proove usless to you, and your journey to move forward. 

In the end you will feel embarssased and hurt and rejected all over again.

STay strong Pictureless is right the best most sweetest revenge is to be a success no matter what those people have done to us!


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Ugh, is your lawyer good? Maybe a second opinion?

Sorry you were scammed by such a sleaze.


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

betysue said:


> Thanks, Pink...hahaha...
> Pictureless--I am finding that to be SO difficult! He goes smugly to church and all his men's functions there--playing the victim! There have been other indiscretions yet when I wanted to talk to him about them, I was accused of "attacking" him. He has a million ways to turn things around or deflect them.
> Now, he wants to get back into being a pastor/teacher in a church where they accept divorced pastors. I feel I should warn them!


I would get legal advice on this. But if I was on the board of a church where divorced pastors are accepted, I would most certainly want to speak to _you_. If someone betrays their spouse and does not do their fiduciary responsibility to them, those are big red flags. If you betray the one closest to you, and let's be honest, steal from them, how can anyone trust you to minister to their congregation?


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## TheSecretGarden14 (Feb 7, 2014)

In the eyes of the court, it isn't defamation if it can be proven as truth. A friend of mine's wife cheated on him with their pastor a few years ago. Even tried to pass the pastor's child off as his. When he found out, by hacking her email, he printed out all the emails and tucked them into the windshields of the church members the next Sunday. 
Both tried to sue him for defamation and both lost.
Moral of the story- if you tell them, make sure it is 100% provable on paper and be prepared for a lawsuit. Especially if it is his career. I know it would give you a lot of satisfaction, but is the possible fall out worth it?


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

IronWine--Yes, huge red flags! He has been dishonest about many other things too. I will talk to my lawyer about it again. We are waiting for his bank disclosures.
Secret--You are so right! I HAVE to be able to prove it. I have the canceled check but just need to find out what happened after he deposited it in his savings. I am not looking for satisfaction really, I just want what he took from me. I have a young daughter and I am going to have to start completely over. 
My real satisfaction comes when I am totally free of doubting myself.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

You would also have to prove what the money was for and that there was some agreement of it's direct use for that purpose. 

I think Pictureless said it best. Living well and being happy.

The unfortunate lesson to it is that the court will likely view it as a non-marital gift form one party to another. If there were a written agreement or contract that specified the intended use of the funds you'd maybe have better luck. It could be argued that the money was deposited in savings to free up some other funds, etc, to make the payments as agreed. 

It sucks. I'm not meaning to sound cold about it.

That said - Go figure, I have issues with organized religion and those most involved with it. This guy's a piece of work.


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

Thanks, Malpheous. I understand. Yeah, hard to prove all right.

It is very frustrating!! To be consistently told I am not good enough from my STBXH was bad enough, but then to find out he was taking advantage of me while he was doing it, really burns.
However, I will try to focus on getting my act together.


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