# Casual sex and flings age 50+



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+

They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.

If this keeps up by the time I'm 50 I'm not going to be beautiful anymore 😔
Then what?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I haven't noticed a drop off. I think you are selling yourself short


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I haven't noticed a drop off. I think you are selling yourself short


It's always been a drop off for me, when I was 18 I used to have carloads of girls spot me then have the whole car check me out and stared, I even realised I could get any girl I wanted as soon as there was eye contact, over the years it's less and less.

Maybe I just have to get over no longer being Adonis 🙄 but I can't 😑 it's always been downhill for me since 30s

But ok, that aside, if you don't mind sharing what are the type of ladies you hook up with?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Usually women working in white collar jobs; office managers, business types. I was seeing a sports reporter for awhile. Also seem to date flight attendants a lot but that is because I travel a lot and meet quite a number of them. Basically my dating pool comes from what I do and people I meet.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Work hard and make a lot of money. That’s what women really want.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I had a lot of casual sex in my 50s, tapering off in my early 60s.


"If this keeps up by the time I'm 50 I'm not going to be beautiful anymore 😔
Then what?"

You may need to find *one *woman who loves you, anyway.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I am north of 45, and I get checked out a lot. However it's mostly by women I would guess are north of 35. I would imagine most men in their 50s can still find plenty of partners for FWB relationships, but I don't think they will have women in their 20s lining up. There are of course exceptions, but I wouldn't call it the norm.


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+
> 
> They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.
> 
> ...


Shoot! Lol I’m 35 and there are ZERO credible dudes. Anyone my age that is decent is taken, OR if they’re not taken, they’re jaded by their previous marriage. Then there’s the 27-30 year old who are all about women my age.. yet, they haven’t even had children, I’m not having anymore.. they think they are ‘men’ but haven’t experience but the tip of the iceberg in life for when things get tough. 

I’m seeing a bleaker and bleaker picture painted by the day as time passes lol. Good thing I’m learning to love myself and enjoy my freedom as a single woman. 

I am lucky though that my beauty has just began to peak in the last couple of years and I think it’s going to last another 10-15 before I start going down hill 😆😆🤣🤣🤣. I see pictures of my former school mates and MAN! I truly was the ugly duckling way back when but my how the tables turn. Sorry bout’ y’all’s luck, we can’t all age like fine wine. I might be a twist off cap kind but I’m higher end than box wine.

Happy hunting sir. And for the record, we aren’t ALL that shallow and in the market for the best looking man.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

50 is the new 40 for both men and women , if you open your self up to the lighter side of life and not overthinking everything


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I’m 62, and even at 20 I was not checked out by women. So, if wanted casual sex (prior to marriage) I need to do the pursuing. At 62 I still enjoy regular sex with my wife. 

I had other attributes in life, not looks.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Usually women working in white collar jobs; office managers, business types. I was seeing a sports reporter for awhile. Also seem to date flight attendants a lot but that is because I travel a lot and meet quite a number of them. Basically my dating pool comes from what I do and people I meet.





ReformedHubby said:


> I am north of 45, and I get checked out a lot. However it's mostly by women I would guess are north of 35. I would imagine most men in their 50s can still find plenty of partners for FWB relationships, but I don't think they will have women in their 20s lining up. There are of course exceptions, but I wouldn't call it the norm.





Married but Happy said:


> I had a lot of casual sex in my 50s, tapering off in my early 60s.


Average /10 for the women you hooked up with? 😅

Curious because I want to know exactly what to expect at that age lol

Then when I get to my 50s and if it's less, then something is wrong with me!! 😫 But if it's more then I know I still got it 



Married but Happy said:


> You may need to find *one *woman who loves you, anyway.


That's a lottery ticket I ain't buying again! So casual sex till death!


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> ... men in their 50s can still find plenty of partners for FWB relationships, but I don't think they will have women in their 20s lining up. There are of course exceptions, but I wouldn't call it the norm.


Indeed, definitely NOT the norm, but I was one of the lucky/happy exceptions. In my mid-50s, I met a woman 27 years younger (she was slender, attractive, and very smart) who wanted me as a regular FWB. That lasted about 9 years.

@RandomDude: I'd say dozens were 7s or 8s, like my FWB, and some 6s. Maybe one or two 9s or 10s. Many guys would rate my wife as an 8 or 9. Anyway, I wish you luck with the one-off lottery plays (_scratch _ticket?) - don't play the same number every time.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Shoot! Lol I’m 35 and there are ZERO credible dudes. Anyone my age that is decent is taken, OR if they’re not taken, they’re jaded by their previous marriage. Then there’s the 27-30 year old who are all about women my age.. yet, they haven’t even had children, I’m not having anymore.. they think they are ‘men’ but haven’t experience but the tip of the iceberg in life for when things get tough.
> 
> I’m seeing a bleaker and bleaker picture painted by the day as time passes lol. Good thing I’m learning to love myself and enjoy my freedom as a single woman.
> 
> ...


Yeah well I'm in the jaded / emotionally unavailable category too lol, you may have to settle with those toy boys haha 😅 
And I know women aren't generally shallow, but I go for the ones that are, at least I can trust they are physically into me you know. 

I hear something like "you aren't the most attractive guy but I like your personality"  uh... no thanks.
There is a reason I always had sex on tap ya know!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> Indeed, definitely NOT the norm, but I was one of the lucky/happy exceptions. In my mid-50s, I met a woman 27 years younger (she was slender, attractive, and very smart) who wanted me as a regular FWB. That lasted about 9 years.


9 fking years?! 

Jealous 😑 
If they were all that quality I wouldn't have to keep replacing them


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well I'm in the jaded / emotionally unavailable category too lol, you may have to settle with those toy boys haha 😅
> And I know women aren't generally shallow, but I go for the ones that are, at least I can trust they are physically into me you know.
> 
> I hear something like "you aren't the most attractive guy but I like your personality"  uh... no thanks.
> There is a reason I always had sex on tap ya know!


I'm very unattractive but still do ok. You will be fine!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I'm very unattractive but still do ok. You will be fine!


Knowing my standards though? 😅

Most women are invisible to me but they don't count as options so lol


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Knowing my standards though? 😅


My standards were, does she have functioning equipment and does she down for doing the nasty


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> My standards were, does she have functioning equipment and does she down for doing the nasty


Lol mine was 8+/10, I lowered it to 7+ these days though 😅


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Lol mine was 8+/10, I lowered it to 7+ these days though 😅


Well with those standards as you get older, get familiar with your hand.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> @RandomDude: I'd say dozens were 7s or 8s, like my FWB, and some 6s. Maybe one or two 9s or 10s. Many guys would rate my wife as an 8 or 9. Anyway, I wish you luck with the one-off lottery plays (_scratch _ticket?) - don't play the same number every time.


Damn man, what would you rate yourself at your age? How is the experience dating these women compared to younger?

Ok maybe 50s isn't the end, what age you reckon it is for men? Excluding relationships and the whole grow old together blah balh


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> Well with those standards as you get older, get familiar with your hand.


For 1.5 years, I'm very familiar with it! I choked my chicken all xmas! 🤗






And I prefer it, rub one off and go back to whatever the heck I'm doing
I only stop when there's an itch I can't scratch! Only then I bother to give myself to another lol


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

No matter the age, I think if you want to get have casual sex (sticking with the theme here), you need to eliminate all fantasies and just deal in reality. I never operated in some fantasy world and just pursued what I wanted; sometimes you strike out and sometimes you get lucky. So, have your ego in check.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> No matter the age, I think if you want to get have casual sex (sticking with the theme here), you need to eliminate all fantasies and just deal in reality. I never operated in some fantasy world and just pursued what I wanted; sometimes you strike out and sometimes you get lucky. So, have your ego in check.


Well, if 6+ is @Married but Happy 's reality then that's the reality I'm going for (though really it's still going to be 7+ 🤭)


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Damn man, what would you rate yourself at your age? How is the experience dating these women compared to younger?
> 
> Ok maybe 50s isn't the end, what age you reckon it is for men? Excluding relationships and the whole grow old together blah balh


LOL At best, I was maybe a 7 in my 50s, but probably not now. I know a few men in their late 60s who could easily interest younger, attractive women, but they are the exception. It's going to depend on how fit you are, how your face ages, and maybe hair (if balding, probably better to shave it all, IMO).

I'll risk putting up some photos.

Me and my wife about 10 years ago:
(removed)

My FWB, me, and wife about 10 years ago, in our 50s:
(removed)

My wife, just before we got married, about 15 years ago:
(removed)


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Married but Happy

Thanks for the visual answer, I wont quote so you can remove the pics now, guess I have a few years left then lol

For the guys in their late 60s did they manage to score without any sugar?

PS You look like beautiful people!!!!


----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well I'm in the jaded / emotionally unavailable category too lol, you may have to settle with those toy boys haha 😅
> And I know women aren't generally shallow, but I go for the ones that are, at least I can trust they are physically into me you know.
> 
> I hear something like "you aren't the most attractive guy but I like your personality"  uh... no thanks.
> There is a reason I always had sex on tap ya know!


I’m not settling for anything. Except being alone.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

A couple of thoughts.

I didn't think enough of myself to be able to approach women, but just before I turned 30 some women took me down anyway. That was a bit overwhelming and I was happy to find a long term relationship. When I told a LCSW that I'd not learned how to read or deal with social cues and wouldn't know what to do if I did not have my wife and had to start over, she told me that in older age women would be coming to me. I'm still not comfortable with that thought.

But for you to get there you will have to put on some years and reset expectations. 😁

Going to the subject of casual sex, for me that could be awkward. I would need to have each date get a test for STIs. I have never worn a condom except to try to figure out why my wife was having problems with intercourse and would not want to wear them in future flings.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I’m not settling for anything. Except being alone.


I seem to be going through a lot in my mind right now in regards to this journey, faced with an opportunity with a lover who still remembered me, as well as my desire to be alone. 

Fears of regret not taking advantage of these opportunities while I'm still 'youngish' is one of them, hence this thread


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Julie's Husband said:


> A couple of thoughts.
> 
> I didn't think enough of myself to be able to approach women, but just before I turned 30 some women took me down anyway. That was a bit overwhelming and I was happy to find a long term relationship. When I told a LCSW that I'd not learned how to read or deal with social cues and wouldn't know what to do if I did not have my wife and had to start over, she told me that in older age women would be coming to me. I'm still not comfortable with that thought.
> 
> But for you to get there you will have to put on some years and reset expectations. 😁


Lol I'm hoping not! 7+ please!



> Going to the subject of casual sex, for me that could be awkward. I would need to have each date get a test for STIs. I have never worn a condom except to try to figure out why my wife was having problems with intercourse and would not want to wear them in future flings.


I hate it too but well, no choice.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

RandomDude said:


> Lol I'm hoping not! 7+ please!


Actually, we lived in a 55+ community for a few years and there were two or three slim, good looking ladies.

Then there was the "meh" who told me when I was pouring wine at a community dinner the more she drinks the sexier she gets. 😬

Condoms are a no go for me.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Julie's Husband said:


> Actually, we lived in a 55+ community for a few years and there were two or three slim, good looking ladies.


Well yeah I expect that, but I wouldn't want the pool to be limited to that.



> Then there was the "meh" who told me when I was pouring wine at a community dinner the more she drinks the sexier she gets. 😬
> Condoms are a no go for me.


Hahahaha
Man the way some women flirt is so off-putting


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Before I was married, I never had a problem with random casual sex. It is not like I was going out every weekend on the hunt, but on the occasion that I kind of wanted some, I pursued and was not that picky; I always wore protection. And for the longest time I certainly was not interested in any relationships.

I was not and have never been a stud, but at the same time I was never intimidated and would have no issues just talking to ladies at bars, beach, grocery store, etc. I don’t think women ever flirted with me, I did the pursuing.

I eventually grew up and met my now wife.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

RandomDude said:


> Well yeah I expect that, but I wouldn't want the pool to be limited to that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The first three were even more direct than that. Really put me off balance.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Average /10 for the women you hooked up with? 😅
> 
> Curious because I want to know exactly what to expect at that age lol
> 
> Then when I get to my 50s and if it's less, then something is wrong with me!! 😫 But if it's more then I know I still got it


Since this is for research purposes I'll answer your question. My scale is weird though. I don't really believe that 7s and 10s exist. So I only rank 6, 8, or 9s. I guess I feel like everyone wants to be a 7 or tells themself they are, and to me 10s don't actually exist unless in our imaginations. I'd say when I was younger it was more 6s, than 8s and 9s. But later in life I got a lot pickier. While ultimately it was a relationship I was seeking, I'd say the flings I had north of 40 years old were all 8s or 9s. I also found that a lot of extremely attractive women wanted to date me. I had appeal when I was younger, but not like this.

However, I think I may be an outlier. I retired three years ago, and my net worth is more than what most A-list celebs or pro-athletes have acquired. I am also tall, good looking, fashionable, and in really good shape as I still have a six pack. I can't pretend that people don't know about my financial situation. At this point I can only hope a partner loves me for more than what I have.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Men DO age like fine wines, I personally think men are at their sexiest once they hit 40 and over.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Men DO age like fine wines, I personally think men are at their sexiest once they hit 40 and over.


I agree! Older men are so attractive. I love gray hair and scars and wrinkles. 🤗


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I agree! Older men are so attractive. I love gray hair and scars and wrinkles. 🤗


Me too! Rit reow!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> Since this is for research purposes I'll answer your question. My scale is weird though. I don't really believe that 7s and 10s exist. So I only rank 6, 8, or 9s. I guess I feel like everyone wants to be a 7 or tells themself they are, and to me 10s don't actually exist unless in our imaginations. I'd say when I was younger it was more 6s, than 8s and 9s. But later in life I got a lot pickier. While ultimately it was a relationship I was seeking, I'd say the flings I had north of 40 years old were all 8s or 9s. I also found that a lot of extremely attractive women wanted to date me. I had appeal when I was younger, but not like this.


Well then what am I? Of course I'm rounding up to 8!!! 😅 

Or maybe more women became attractive to you as you aged. I am noticing it too, I am finding mature women more and more attractive.



> However, I think I may be an outlier. I retired three years ago, and my net worth is more than what most A-list celebs or pro-athletes have acquired. I am also tall, good looking, fashionable, and in really good shape as I still have a six pack. I can't pretend that people don't know about my financial situation. At this point I can only hope a partner loves me for more than what I have.


Hope is futile, be _*sure*_

Separate the brand from the name and don't put yourself in a position where you are in direct spotlight outside your industry. May be too late though, depending on who you are 😅


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

@RandomDude if it's just cas sex you're after, does it really matter what she looks like? Unless she resembles Jabba the Hut, obviously.


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Stats say that the over 50 crowd are currently the biggest sources of STD transmission, because they are continuing sexual habits they had when it was safer to have sex outside marriage.
What to Know About Rising STD Rates Among Seniors (usnews.com)


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frusdil said:


> @RandomDude if it's just cas sex you're after, does it really matter what she looks like? Unless she resembles Jabba the Hut, obviously.


Huh? That's ALL that matters  

Of course!!!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> Stats say that the over 50 crowd are currently the biggest sources of STD transmission, because they are continuing sexual habits they had when it was safer to have sex outside marriage.
> What to Know About Rising STD Rates Among Seniors (usnews.com)


Yeah well not my generation so  

We'll be more responsible old farts I swear!


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

UAArchangel said:


> Stats say that the over 50 crowd are currently the biggest sources of STD transmission, because they are continuing sexual habits they had when it was safer to have sex outside marriage.
> What to Know About Rising STD Rates Among Seniors (usnews.com)


Yeah. I'm not about to change. That is death on spontaneity.


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Yeah. I'm not about to change. That is death on spontaneity.


It's the new thrill rides, since carnival rides are now beyond their ability to tolerate.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Men DO age like fine wines, I personally think men are at their sexiest once they hit 40 and over.


Wine does turn to vinegar if not cared for


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

UAArchangel said:


> It's the new thrill rides, since carnival rides are now beyond their ability to tolerate.


Never been much on carnival rides.

Cowgirls are more my choice. Or rather women who like to ride. I'm very visual and this is the best for that.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

If you're looking for the 50+ crowd @RandomDude, it was wall to wall exactly that. At the club, where my wife and I (who are also 50+) saw an 80s concert last night for New Years Eve.


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+
> 
> They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.
> 
> ...


It is said that when us guys reach the age of 50 and over we become invisible to younger women.
Regarding the question, what are the casual sex options for men 50+? Two I believe.
Either hookup with older women 40 plus or have a healthy bank account.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Interesting thread... @RandomDude... did my posts in the other thread inspire you?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Interesting thread... @RandomDude... did my posts in the other thread inspire you?


Well to be honest I'm kinda having an internal civil war between my two brains at the moment. This is one of the points being brought up by the lower brain because upper brain wants to ruin my current only sexual opportunity due to the desire for solitude 😑


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I think it's more the attitude and confidence age brings with some men that's attractive, not the actual physical condition. That 35-50 year old range, if you've kept yourself in reasonable condition and have figured out exactly how to talk and behave in a sexy manner, that's what draws them. 

You're a little pessimistic and hurt when it comes to dating and relationships and that probably shows in your vibe and general behavior.


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

gameopoly5 said:


> It is said that when us guys reach the age of 50 and over we become invisible to younger women.
> Regarding the question, what are the casual sex options for men 50+? Two I believe.
> Either hookup with older women 40 plus or have a healthy bank account.


Yeah, 99% of 20 something's don't want to f 50 something guys. But when you get over 50 your fellow men start dying off much faster than the women do. So every year the odds with women your age get better.

I remember there was one older guy in my grandmother's neighborhood who was so cheap he'd come over and use her printer. Wouldn't even buy her a cup of coffee the few times they went out. But all the older ladies in the neighborhood would have slept with him because he was the only half interesting single guy around to talk to.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> I think it's more the attitude and confidence age brings with some men that's attractive, not the actual physical condition. That 35-50 year old range, if you've kept yourself in reasonable condition and have figured out exactly how to talk and behave in a sexy manner, that's what draws them.


Sure but whether the way you talk or behave is sexy is tied to your looks 🤣

If work crush wasn't hot I wouldn't have entertained her or flirted back lol



> You're a little pessimistic and hurt when it comes to dating and relationships and that probably shows in your vibe and general behavior.


It better, fbuddy wasn't even supposed to respond after I ghosted her, I'm not really ready for her again, just going through the paces while I decide what to do.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> Yeah, 99% of 20 something's don't want to f 50 something guys. But when you get over 50 your fellow men start dying off much faster than the women do. So every year the odds with women your age get better.
> 
> I remember there was one older guy in my grandmother's neighborhood who was so cheap he'd come over and use her printer. Wouldn't even buy her a cup of coffee the few times they went out. But all the older ladies in the neighborhood would have slept with him because he was the only half interesting single guy around to talk to.


So far my dating range is 20-40 at 37, current fbuddy is 11 yrs younger, yes same one from months ago with her own thread.

Guessing it would be 30-50 40+ and 40+ in my 50s?

I can never live in a small town. I'll go nuts.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I can never live in a small town. I'll go nuts.


This is my situation... I do live in a small town as well. Doesn't help.


----------



## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+
> 
> They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.
> 
> ...


I'm with @Numb26, I'm not seeing it with me either. I have 20 somethings asking me for sessions at play parties, so I'm still doing something right. It might be more personality than looks, but I'll take that.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> I'm with @Numb26, I'm not seeing it with me either. I have 20 somethings asking me for sessions at play parties, so I'm still doing something right. It might be more personality than looks, but I'll take that.


Confidence goes a long way.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

gaius said:


> Yeah, 99% of 20 something's don't want to f 50 something guys. But when you get over 50 your fellow men start dying off much faster than the women do. So every year the odds with women your age get better.
> 
> I remember there was one older guy in my grandmother's neighborhood who was so cheap he'd come over and use her printer. Wouldn't even buy her a cup of coffee the few times they went out. But all the older ladies in the neighborhood would have slept with him because he was the only half interesting single guy around to talk to.


That's what my shrink assured me. I may never learn to initiate at this rate. 😟


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Shoot! Lol I’m 35 and there are ZERO credible dudes. Anyone my age that is decent is taken, OR if they’re not taken, they’re jaded by their previous marriage. Then there’s the 27-30 year old who are all about women my age.. yet, they haven’t even had children, I’m not having anymore.. they think they are ‘men’ but haven’t experience but the tip of the iceberg in life for when things get tough.
> 
> I’m seeing a bleaker and bleaker picture painted by the day as time passes lol. Good thing I’m learning to love myself and enjoy my freedom as a single woman.
> 
> ...


Yep, no more kids that cuts out a chunk of the possible prospects.


----------



## robber6 (May 8, 2016)

I just turned 50, going through a divorce now. I was wondering the same thing about dating prospects. Out of curiosity set up an OLD profile. Response (in USA) has been ok, I live in a rural area, so not great for a numbers game...small population. Just returned from a 5 day trip to London where I had about 10X the messages/likes. The first night I was messaging with 4 women at once. It was hard to keep track of it with jetlag. Went on one date (just talked for about 6 hours) with one woman and on new years met with a gorgeous 45 year old woman. Had a wonderful time with her, it was exactly what I needed and we hope to meet in Rome this spring. I guess the point is I thought maybe I was washed up by 50. Looks like that isn't the case, I am going to be fine. As a matter of fact, dating so far seems easier at 50 than 25. There are plenty of attractive, interesting and delightful women +/- 5 years from my age. Especially in London it seems. That's OK I love their accents and sophistication.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

robber6 said:


> I just turned 50, going through a divorce now. I was wondering the same thing about dating prospects. Out of curiosity set up an OLD profile. Response (in USA) has been ok, I live in a rural area, so not great for a numbers game...small population. Just returned from a 5 day trip to London where I had about 10X the messages/likes. The first night I was messaging with 4 women at once. It was hard to keep track of it with jetlag. Went on one date (just talked for about 6 hours) with one woman and on new years met with a gorgeous 45 year old woman. Had a wonderful time with her, it was exactly what I needed and we hope to meet in Rome this spring. I guess the point is I thought maybe I was washed up by 50. Looks like that isn't the case, I am going to be fine. As a matter of fact, dating so far seems easier at 50 than 25. There are plenty of attractive, interesting and delightful women +/- 5 years from my age. Especially in London it seems. That's OK I love their accents and sophistication.


Seems like a case of me overthinking and overworrying again 😖


----------



## robber6 (May 8, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Seems like a case of me overthinking and overworrying again 😖


 It's hard not to overthink and get in your own way. I do it all the time. Trying to learn to follow my gut more, especially with dating.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Seems like a case of me overthinking and overworrying again 😖


I think so. I suppose I wasn't fully forthcoming in my previous response. I have a sister in her 20s that lives in LA, not sure what it is in the water there, but to me there are more 20 somethings that don't at all seem put off by dating older men as long as they don't look and act like old men. I'd say that some even fetishize older guys to some extent, but they are selective. You need to be a Zaddy, I never heard that term so much, didn't even know what it was, but apparently according to my sister's friends I am the ultimate Zaddy. 

While it is an ego boost to get attention/compliments from young attractive woman when I visit my sister, I myself simply can't get past the age thing. I didn't want to tell you any of this because for some reason I pictured you booking a flight for LA as soon as you read this post.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> I think so. I suppose I wasn't fully forthcoming in my previous response. I have a sister in her 20s that lives in LA, not sure what it is in the water there, but to me there are more 20 somethings that don't at all seem put off by dating older men as long as they don't look and act like old men. I'd say that some even fetishize older guys to some extent, but they are selective. You need to be a Zaddy, I never heard that term so much, didn't even know what it was, but apparently according to my sister's friends I am the ultimate Zaddy.
> 
> While it is an ego boost to get attention/compliments from young attractive woman when I visit my sister, I myself simply can't get past the age thing. I didn't want to tell you any of this because for some reason I pictured you booking a flight for LA as soon as you read this post.


Well I'm TAM's resident cradle robber... I mean intergenerational dater 😅 Well I was anyway... so there's a term now called Zaddy? Hahahaha

But meh I am finding 30+ more attractive anyway these days for some reason. Just nice to know I can still have it though in my 50s.

And nah I would lose my mind in LA from looks of things...


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Well I'm TAM's resident cradle robber... I mean intergenerational dater 😅 Well I was anyway... so there's a term now called Zaddy? Hahahaha
> 
> But meh I am finding 30+ more attractive anyway these days for some reason. Just nice to know I can still have it though in my 50s.
> 
> And nah I would lose my mind in LA from looks of things...


I think our taste in women kind of ages with us, with that said I always had a thing for older women, and there is no shortage of attractive older women, but they are very selective too, I hear a lot about this cougar cub stuff, but for the most part I see good looking older women with good looking older men. With that said I definitely think you'll find what you're looking for when you're ready.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Sfort said:


> Work hard and make a lot of money. That’s what women really want.


This is a big part of it. And it doesn't mean they're gold-diggers. It means you have the ambition, skills, and perseverance to set goals for your and build yourself consistently over time.

ETA: Having the above in place tends to mean (not always of course) that the guy is fairly intelligent, polite / well-mannered, has good people skills. Those things matter a great deal.


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

gaius said:


> But all the older ladies in the neighborhood would have slept with him because he was the only half interesting single guy around to talk to.


I'm an older guy but 2/3 interesting, and only look good to SOME women (very subjective). I still get attention. 

Thing is, most of the men around me can't get past a grunt, their hobby, or sports conversationally. What I've slowly realized is that women generally, silently, put up with that. So when an interesting conversation comes their way, it's like a breath of fresh air. Keep being that breath of air and you'll be fine. 

Just don't get self involved / boring and you'll keep getting attention until you're on the ventilator lol. Don't worry too much about it.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

DTO said:


> And it doesn't mean they're gold-diggers.


Many times, it does.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Quad73 said:


> Keep being that breath of air and you'll be fine.


Or have a lot of money...the ultimate (old) chick magnet.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm 70 and I notice that when women look my way they drop like flies. I must stink 🦨.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Sfort said:


> Many times, it does.


Yes, of course. But my point is that it's not inevitably that way as some would argue. I've had a number of women who liked the way I handled my business and career without trying to latch on to it (although yeah one in particular did try).


----------



## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+
> 
> They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.
> 
> ...


Get it while you can before ED sets in, don't ever marry her.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> I'm 70 and I notice that when women look my way they drop like flies. I must stink 🦨.


No, they don't see the money.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

As noted earlier, you might be selling yourself short. I know I tend to do that, and I've known other guys to do the same.

Keep in mind that you don't need to impress yourself or other guys. Your target audience is the ladies and they may not emphasize the same traits you do. I don't have a ton of dating experience and I'm definitely no model. But I have learned that ladies at a variety of ages tend to value attributes that don't diminish (and can improve) with age: know how to treat a lady / be gentlemanly, more confident / secure in yourself, have a good career and have proven that you can take good care of yourself over time, and so on.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DTO said:


> As noted earlier, you might be selling yourself short. I know I tend to do that, and I've known other guys to do the same.
> 
> Keep in mind that you don't need to impress yourself or other guys. Your target audience is the ladies and they may not emphasize the same traits you do. I don't have a ton of dating experience and I'm definitely no model. But I have learned that ladies at a variety of ages tend to value attributes that don't diminish (and can improve) with age: know how to treat a lady / be gentlemanly, more confident / secure in yourself, have a good career and have proven that you can take good care of yourself over time, and so on.


Biggest shot to my esteem is the fact that I was finally in love with someone and loved her as much as I could but all I had to offer just wasn't enough.
I still don't know how does someone get over something that? At least with ex-wife I knew I wasn't _in_ love with her. With my last ex I was.

This is kinda why I'm just focused on the physical because hey, at least I know I'm still decent looking enough to get me laid with attractive women even if whatever else I have to offer just isn't enough. I no longer have confidence in myself when it comes to who I am at core, that's going to hamper my options when my pretty face can no longer carry the day.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Biggest shot to my esteem is the fact that I was finally in love with someone and loved her as much as I could but all I had to offer just wasn't enough.
> I still don't know how does someone get over something that? At least with ex-wife I knew I wasn't _in_ love with her. With my last ex I was.


I've heard you say this on here before, I also am aware that you feel otherwise, but I think you'll move past this. I remember your posts throughout the years, and honestly your recent posts sound like a different man, they sound an awful lot like I did after a short intense (boy was it intense) relationship with this ridiculously attractive flight attendant/stripper/NFL Cheer leader. The woman was a complete maneater. She was the personification of karma for all players. When I met her I used to laugh at the guys she had chasing her. She had a harem of friend zoned dudes maintaining her home with the hopes of dating her, she had one high profile NFL player pursuing her and leaving her voicemails. I even recognized my sons basketball coach as the "friend" that dropped her at the airport to fly off with me. I felt so lucky I was chosen. Never imagined that she really wasn't capable of love, at least not in the traditional sense.

A few months after the most intense love affair of my life. She began to change, literally nothing I did was ever good enough for her. Eventually I wasn't the same man she was attracted to, and it was because my self esteem was completely gone. Over the months she had turned me into a pathetic lovesick besotted creature, by playing mind games. I was just like her ex-husband and boyfriends now. I was an anxious mess. My health was also declining. I ended things with her when I realized the person I had met was gone, and with the benefit of hindsight I don't see what I had with her as love. It's all behind me now, and I won't ever make fun of another man for being pathetic over a woman. If you live long enough, your day will come. No more matter how "alpha" you may think you are. But, you'll also get over it, even if you think you won't.

I do feel bad about my ex-girlfriend even though she ran me through the ringer. Literally on the day I had planned to get engaged to my current partner, her brother called me to inform me she had passed away. I swear she somehow knew I was planning it! I still carried so much bitterness towards her that I couldn't attend the funeral, but I have moved on from it otherwise. I feel my experiences were more about whom I picked, not about my feelings on love in general. Of course if none of this applicable to you, perhaps it will be to someone else who comes across it eventually.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> I've heard you say this on here before, I also am aware that you feel otherwise, but I think you'll move past this. I remember your posts throughout the years, and honestly your recent posts sound like a different man, they sound an awful lot like I did after a short intense (boy was it intense) relationship with this ridiculously attractive flight attendant/stripper/NFL Cheer leader. The woman was a complete maneater. She was the personification of karma for all players. When I met her I used to laugh at the guys she had chasing her. She had a harem of friend zoned dudes maintaining her home with the hopes of dating her, she had one high profile NFL player pursuing her and leaving her voicemails. I even recognized my sons basketball coach as the "friend" that dropped her at the airport to fly off with me. I felt so lucky I was chosen. Never imagined that she really wasn't capable of love, at least not in the traditional sense.
> 
> A few months after the most intense love affair of my life. *She began to change, literally nothing I did was ever good enough for her. * Eventually I wasn't the same man she was attracted to, and it was because my self esteem was completely gone. Over the months she had turned me into a pathetic lovesick besotted creature, by playing mind games. I was just like her ex-husband and boyfriends now. I was an anxious mess. My health was also declining. I ended things with her when I realized the person I had met was gone, and with the benefit of hindsight I don't see what I had with her as love. It's all behind me now, and I won't ever make fun of another man for being pathetic over a woman. If you live long enough, your day will come. No more matter how "alpha" you may think you are. But, you'll also get over it, even if you think you won't.
> 
> I do feel bad about my ex-girlfriend even though she ran me through the ringer. Literally on the day I had planned to get engaged to my current partner, her brother called me to inform me she had passed away. I swear she somehow knew I was planning it! I still carried so much bitterness towards her that I couldn't attend the funeral, but I have moved on from it otherwise. I feel my experiences were more about whom I picked, not about my feelings on love in general. Of course if none of this applicable to you, perhaps it will be to someone else who comes across it eventually.


How did you find your esteem again?

I was pathetic, only after we broke up though. I hate it and I'm embarrassed. But I simply never experienced heartbreak like that since I was abandoned as a child. I've kept my emotions compartmentalised for so long except for my daughter and everything was so overwhelming and I overestimated my own control over myself. I'm better now though, picked up the pieces and found myself again, tougher but without the compartmentalisation. I handle emotions a lot better now, because I learnt to face them. Others mentioned I seem more emotionally mature compared to before I met my ex. Overall she was good for me.

Just never gave my heart like that to someone, and then know it wasn't enough to pull us through. It's not feeling good enough anymore. How do you overcome that?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> How did you find your esteem again?
> 
> I was pathetic, only after we broke up though. I hate it and I'm embarrassed. But I simply never experienced heartbreak like that since I was abandoned as a child. I've kept my emotions compartmentalised for so long except for my daughter and everything was so overwhelming and I overestimated my own control over myself. I'm better now though, picked up the pieces and found myself again, tougher but without the compartmentalisation. I handle emotions a lot better now, because I learnt to face them. Others mentioned I seem more emotionally mature compared to before I met my ex. Overall she was good for me.
> 
> Just never gave my heart like that to someone, and then know it wasn't enough to pull us through. It's not feeling good enough anymore. How do you overcome that?


I'm struggling with regret, more than self esteem... what if I did that, what if I didn't that and so on... after 4 years, I think I'm finally healing, but when somebody you love tells you they don't want to be with you any more, it does hurt. A lot. The road to recovery is slow, but it will happen.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Curious what are the casual sex options for men 50+
> 
> They keep saying men age like fine wine but I'm not seeing it as I age, just less and less women over the years with lingering eyes in my late 30s.
> 
> ...


In my experience (being a single woman dating in my late 40s)..... Physically attractive men of all ages will always have options for casual sex. It's more a question of with whom. 

The truth:

Recent studies have shown there are twice as many single men over 40 looking for a partner (whether that's for casual sex or a relationship) than single women in a similar age bracket. 

Good looking women over 40 interested in casual sex have a lot options across all age brackets. They don't need to bring anything else to the table and if it's just casual, they're only going to care about physical appearance regardless of age. 

Good looking men over 40 interested in casual sex have some options in the over 40 age bracket but if they want to go younger, they need to bring more to the table. Netflix and chill isn't going to work with the younger ladies. It's going to be quality (see $$$) dates or they'll drop you like a bad habit. 

So doing the math, yes, you'll be able to find women who are interested in casual sexual relationships with you but the chances those women will be the most attractive of what's available is dependent on how good you look or how much you invest financially on your dates.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> I'm struggling with regret, more than self esteem... what if I did that, what if I didn't that and so on... after 4 years, I think I'm finally healing, but when somebody you love tells you they don't want to be with you any more, it does hurt. A lot. The road to recovery is slow, but it will happen.


Time is not doing sh-t with my esteem. It's been over a year and a half now. I'm just not good enough.

Still don't know how you get over it. At least I'm confident in other things, I still get opportunities so it's not like the end of the world.

It's not all bad being nothing but a sex toy. As long as I still get the hotties


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lila said:


> In my experience (being a single woman dating in my late 40s)..... Physically attractive men of all ages will always have options for casual sex. It's more a question of with whom.
> 
> The truth:
> 
> ...


OMG I was asking about 50 but it's going to hit me in 3 years at 40? 😅

Guess I just have to stay sexy to stay relevant  
I wanna be like @Married but Happy and his studly options in his 50s!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Time is not doing sh-t with my esteem. It's been over a year and a half now. I'm just not good enough.
> 
> Still don't know how you get over it. At least I'm confident in other things, I still get opportunities so it's not like the end of the world.
> 
> It's not all bad being nothing but a sex toy. As long as I still get the hotties


I know it's a cliché, but time is a great healer... At 1.5 years I was nowhere, though. It will get better.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> I know it's a cliché, but time is a great healer... At 1.5 years I was nowhere, though. It will get better.


😑 I don't rely on time to heal. I process things. My processing just can't get over this though.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Lila said:


> In my experience (being a single woman dating in my late 40s)..... Physically attractive men of all ages will always have options for casual sex. It's more a question of with whom.
> 
> The truth:
> 
> ...


I have read a lot of posts on here about what dating is like post 40s and a lot of it is myth based, I'd have to say your post sums it up based on my experience.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> 😑 I don't rely on time to heal. I process things. My processing just can't get over this though.


I still believe it's too early.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> I still believe it's too early.


All I need is an answer to my question and I'm home free.

So far my answer right now is to get out of here, where I live, and just start afresh in a new lifestyle and city. Just have to wait for an empty nest for that (and a new business). It won't heal, but I would be open to more opportunities. I hate dating in my city, I've been everywhere already with my damn extroverted exs.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> All I need is an answer to my question and I'm home free.
> 
> So far my answer right now is to get out of here, where I live, and just start afresh in a new lifestyle and city. Just have to wait for an empty nest for that. It won't heal, but I would be open to more opportunities. I hate dating in my city, I've been everywhere already with my damn extroverted exs.


That's one of the problems... also mine. You need a new start, a clean slate. I need to leave all of this behind. Too many sad and bad memories. Hopefully, I will be able to do that soon.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> How did you find your esteem again?
> 
> I was pathetic, only after we broke up though. I hate it and I'm embarrassed. But I simply never experienced heartbreak like that since I was abandoned as a child. I've kept my emotions compartmentalised for so long except for my daughter and everything was so overwhelming and I overestimated my own control over myself. I'm better now though, picked up the pieces and found myself again, tougher but without the compartmentalisation. I handle emotions a lot better now, because I learnt to face them. Others mentioned I seem more emotionally mature compared to before I met my ex. Overall she was good for me.
> 
> Just never gave my heart like that to someone, and then know it wasn't enough to pull us through. It's not feeling good enough anymore. How do you overcome that?


There is no step by step guide, however I've seen this movie a bunch of times in other peoples lives and lived it myself. You're still processing. You just aren't aware of it. Sooner or later your perspective will change, and I have a feeling there is going to be a good woman behind that change in your perspective. Of course....this is after you're ready for it, but I do think you'll get there. Even more so now that I know you're okay with dating woman closer to your age.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> There is no step by step guide, however I've seen this movie a bunch of times in other peoples lives and lived it myself. You're still processing. You just aren't aware of it. *Sooner or later your perspective will change, and I have a feeling there is going to be a good woman behind that change in your perspective. * Of course....this is after you're ready for it, but I do think you'll get there. Even more so now that I know you're okay with dating woman closer to your age.


Well, how did your perspective change? Don't tell me it was a new woman 😑

That's not a fix! lol

Women my age have their own problems based on what I've seen on the apps. Lots more baggage and scars, not necessarily smarter or more mature either. I kinda got a feeling of 'leftovers'. The prime opportunities that presented themselves last year were still younger women, 13 yrs younger, 11 yrs younger. At least I didn't date younger than my ex... yet. I'm trying to stop 😑


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Now in all seriousness, myself always was, always will be able to "get" women with no problem at all, because although for my age (70) I'm still decent looking, not afraid to engage women, and certainly understand that even if I were ugly, can certainly use the knowledge of "sweet talking" without coming as "sweet talking" to women. My best friend in this whole world, who was as ugly as hell, actually was a very successful man with women, why? he knew how to talk to women (he was very confident), many who were way, way ahead of his pay grade in hotness. I learned from him as we were growing up about this aspect in making women interested in you. 

But of course, now at my age, if I were to go for a super hot 50s woman I would have to as @Lila explained it (which I very realistically concur) be bathing in gold to interest one, regardless of how cute I might come across. 

Fortunately, at 70 and expecting to pass long before my wife does, I will never have to bathe in gold, nor would want to do it anyway in the eventually that she goes before I do.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Well, how did your perspective change? Don't tell me it was a new woman 😑
> 
> That's not a fix! lol
> 
> Women my age have their own problems based on what I've seen on the apps. Lots more baggage and scars, not necessarily smarter or more mature either. I kinda got a feeling of 'leftovers'. The prime opportunities that presented themselves last year were still younger women, 13 yrs younger, 11 yrs younger. At least I didn't date younger than my ex... yet. I'm trying to stop 😑


After going through the emotions being guarded I realized I was cheating myself out of potentially being happy all because something didn't work out in what honestly was a toxic relationship. Should that relationship be my last bite from the apple of love? I was too young to accept that. I reached a point where I was ready to share more of my life and myself again. 

Also, the saying hurt people hurt people comes to mind. Closing myself off that way definitely meant that people I met during that time didn't really see me at my best. Actually I think my aloofness, indecisiveness, and honestly coldness made me a very difficult partner, even for casual stuff. That also didn't really sit right with me, because it wasn't the person I was before, and I missed connecting in that way.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> OMG I was asking about 50 but it's going to hit me in 3 years at 40? 😅
> 
> Guess I just have to stay sexy to stay relevant
> I wanna be like @Married but Happy and his studly options in his 50s!


😂. More motivation to keep working out and stay sexy.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Time is not doing sh-t with my esteem. It's been over a year and a half now. I'm just not good enough.
> 
> Still don't know how you get over it. At least I'm confident in other things, I still get opportunities so it's not like the end of the world.
> 
> It's not all bad being nothing but a sex toy. As long as I still get the hotties


Perhaps you should reframe things. As I recall the ex you're pining over was 22 and you're mid 30's. Is that correct?

If so it had nothing to do with you. A 50 year old can give his heart to a 30 year old but that doesn't mean they're compatible. I could go nuts for a 30 year old guy (for the record of wouldn't.....lol) but I'm 48 and it's not got to work out.

Try again with someone closer to your stage of life and you'll be well appreciated.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have read a lot of posts on here about what dating is like post 40s and a lot of it is myth based, I'd have to say your post sums it up based on my experience.


When I talk about dating over 40, I often feel like an old marine veteran what it was like fighting in the trenches. No one gets it better than those that have gone or are going through it.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> After going through the emotions being guarded I realized I was cheating myself out of potentially being happy all because something didn't work out in what honestly was a toxic relationship. Should that relationship be my last bite from the apple of love? I was too young to accept that. I reached a point where I was ready to share more of my life and myself again.
> 
> Also, the saying hurt people hurt people comes to mind. Closing myself off that way definitely meant that people I met during that time didn't really see me at my best. Actually I think my aloofness, indecisiveness, and honestly coldness made me a very difficult partner, even for casual stuff. That also didn't really sit right with me, because it wasn't the person I was before, and I missed connecting in that way.


So the desire to become a better person and stop missing opportunities was the catalyst that drove your healing? Hmmm, guess I can see that helping. I am pinning for a missed opportunity last year too bc of work but the reality with that was... I was making excuses not to engage, I handled interracial, interreligious and now 'intergenerational' dating, I could have took a little more effort to minimise the risk in our errr... 'interprofessional' encounter lol

I dunno though, i have this thought but then flashes and feelings of inadequacy as a partner come flooding in. I guess it wasn't just the one thing, it's something drilled into me for years with all the comparisons, all the orbiters that apparently just don't get the message, all her friends bfs and TikTok husbands and boyfriends that were just so much better partners than me and then having all my fears she gave me realised in the end 😑


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Rob_1 said:


> Now in all seriousness, myself always was, always will be able to "get" women with no problem at all, because although for my age (70) I'm still decent looking, not afraid to engage women, and certainly understand that even if I were ugly, can certainly use the knowledge of "sweet talking" without coming as "sweet talking" to women. My best friend in this whole world, who was as ugly as hell, actually was a very successful man with women, why? he knew how to talk to women (he was very confident), many who were way, way ahead of his pay grade in hotness. I learned from him as we were growing up about this aspect in making women interested in you.
> 
> But of course, now at my age, if I were to go for a super hot 50s woman I would have to as @Lila explained it (which I very realistically concur) be bathing in gold to interest one, regardless of how cute I might come across.
> 
> Fortunately, at 70 and expecting to pass long before my wife does, I will never have to bathe in gold, nor would want to do it anyway in the eventually that she goes before I do.


Well, all my life I mostly act on opportunities. They present themselves and I say ya or nay, I don't really go out of my way to impress someone. I don't think I would bath myself in gold to impress anyone, I'm too spoiled!

With my ex I just knew she liked me as well just from her eyes and I was right. I just fear losing this.... hehe... privilege.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Perhaps you should reframe things. As I recall the ex you're pining over was 22 and you're mid 30's. Is that correct?
> 
> If so it had nothing to do with you. A 50 year old can give his heart to a 30 year old but that doesn't mean they're compatible. I could go nuts for a 30 year old guy (for the record of wouldn't.....lol) but I'm 48 and it's not got to work out.
> 
> Try again with someone closer to your stage of life and you'll be well appreciated.


I've been in so many relationships at this point and with women my age or older during my 20s, this cradle robbing didn't start until 30s. I dunno I tried dating women in their 30s too I don't know, there just wasn't a click.

Would I really be appreciated? I read articles online and apparently relationship standards are only rising too, and I already fell short, I dunno I just question my worth as a long term partner. At least I don't have to question my worth as a sex toy.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I've been in so many relationships at this point and with women my age or older during my 20s, this cradle robbing didn't start until 30s. I dunno I tried dating women in their 30s too I don't know, there just wasn't a click.
> 
> Would I really be appreciated? I read articles online and apparently relationship standards are only rising too, and I already fell short, I dunno I just question my worth as a long term partner. At least I don't have to question my worth as a sex toy.


Articles are stupid. They're written by people with an agenda and are often based on non credible data and faulty assumptions.

You might not be suited for OLD and may do better with groups where you can make people connections.

Is an actual relationship something you want? Or do you want to be a sex toy? Both are fine but if your goal is only to find sex you're only going to attract like minded women, and those women won't put their best effort out there because you're only there for sex anyways. Then you question your worth and it become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Many high quality women don't want to only scratch someone's itch.

FWIW, my bf is 57 and I think he's hot. He gets plenty from me so you can have plenty of sex well past 50. The question really comes down to who you're going to attract if all you want is sex.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Articles are stupid. They're written by people with an agenda and are often based on non credible data and faulty assumptions.
> 
> You might not be suited for OLD and may do better with groups where you can make people connections.
> 
> ...


I wanted more, I just don't believe I'm good enough for more anymore. And I just can't make myself believe it anhmore.

Like hey, I did try to fight it... I did try to say (to myself)... ah hell whatever your loss, you just never appreciated me, no man can be what you want etc... but what it still comes down to is I loved her to the point of loving unconditionally and wanted to give her all of me and all I had just wasn't enough.

Are her expectations too high? I don't know, people here tell me no but I also once held myself to a high standard as a partner and that has been shot to sh-t. With past partners it was so much easier when I knew I was holding back, because I wasn't in love. It just seems so unrecoverable as the last one I was.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I wanted more, I just don't believe I'm good enough for more anymore. And I just can't make myself believe it anhmore.
> 
> Like hey, I did try to fight it... I did try to say... ah hell whatever your loss, you just never appreciated me, no man can be what you want etc... but what it still comes down to is I loved her to the point of loving unconditionally and wanted to give her all of me and all I had just wasn't enough.
> 
> Are her expectations too high? I don't know, people here tell me no but I also once held myself to a high standard as a partner and that has been shot to sh-t. With past partners it was so much easier when I knew I was holding back, because I wasn't in love. It just seems so unrecoverable as the last one I was.


Her expectations are her expectations and she's entitled to them. It just meant you're not compatible.

Hell, I've been divorced twice and I've seen plenty of people facing their first go on about they're just unlovable. I made poor choices in husbands, but there are a lot of men out there and I only need one so mathematically the odds are good. I'm am eternal optimist this way...or maybe I'm just a math nerd 😀

Reward requires risk. Smart risk is better but risk is required.

If you want a relationship keep putting yourself out there, but be smart about it. And don't advertise thar you just need an itch scratched.....good women will avoid that. I'm pretty sure my bf had an itch, but he never let on about it early on so now he gets lots of scratches! 

Just think about what you want vs what you offer and target accordingly. Evert pot has a lid somewhere.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Her expectations are her expectations and she's entitled to them. It just meant you're not compatible.


Yeah but even if I end up in a relationship with someone who has different expectations I'm still going to feel the inadequacy now.



> Hell, I've been divorced twice and I've seen plenty of people facing their first go on about they're just unlovable. I made poor choices in husbands, but there are a lot of men out there and I only need one so mathematically the odds are good. I'm am eternal optimist this way...or maybe I'm just a math nerd 😀
> 
> Reward requires risk. Smart risk is better but risk is required.
> 
> ...


Well, I'm still struggling with this processing. I work on logic and reason so until I can logically convince myself that I'm still a good long term partner, which I can no longer, I just to have to count my blessings or... check my privileges 😅

Well yeah it's not like I told fbuddy she was a nice itch to scratch. She wasn't even the itch I wanted to scratch, she was what I used to scratch the itch that someone else (work crush) gave me 😆

I speak my mind here but I'm more careful with my words during courtship.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> I just don't believe I'm good enough for more anymore. And I just can't make myself believe it anhmore.


Then, that's that. Game over for you, so why bother rationalizing it, if you believe it to be so? Accept it and move on. Just one thing though, beliefs are just that, beliefs. That doesn't make them the truth. Even if you believe that you're done, remember it might just not be true at all...down the road.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Rob_1 said:


> Then, that's that. Game over for you, so why bother rationalizing it, if you believe it to be so? Accept it and move on. Just one thing though, beliefs are just that, beliefs. That doesn't make them the truth. Even if you believe that you're done, remember it might just not be true at all...down the road.


Gameover? Guess so  ... oh well I'll just play another game 

Adapt, survive, life is short I'm just going to capitalise on what I still have I guess.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Gameover? Guess so  ... oh well I'll just play another game
> 
> Adapt, survive, life is short I'm just going to capitalise on what I still have I guess.


Dude you’re in yours 30s. You’re a baby. Let’s go with you being good looking. Ic you limit yourself to 7/9, you’re probably going to a harder time. There are many good looking, kind hearted, independent women you crap on based on ethnicity or height. You’re not unlovable. You simply toss out 30-40 % of women based on height. Weight. -‘and skin tone. I’m sure you’re decent looking. That’s it. If you were gorgeous you wouldn’t be here. And personally. good looking guys are much better than hot guys, Get over your”beauty”. Didn’t really make your situation better in the long run


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

snowbum said:


> Dude you’re in yours 30s. You’re a baby. Let’s go with you being good looking. Ic you limit yourself to 7/9, you’re probably going to a harder time. There are many good looking, kind hearted, independent women you crap on based on ethnicity or height. You’re not unlovable. You simply toss out 30-40 % of women based on height. Weight. -‘and skin tone.


Only reason I went so hard on height at that time was because I was looking for work crush's exact physical likeness. I even ended up nailing down the right ethnicity and ended up with someone taller with longer legs. Now the fetish isn't as crazy since scratching the itch sure and I also put down ex's body a lot last year but seriously:

This was pretty much ex in her prime at 18:





I saw this one and clicked (of course, as a man of culture lol) and realised damn WTF, that was ex at her prime! I had no complaints on our first year but that type of body can easily put on weight and it goes straight to the thighs. Frankly though, her body was simply much better for cuddles and was the perfect figure that was all things cute, beautiful and sexy in one. I just never appreciated it past our later years, I'm not as crazy about it now nor about long legs or whatever.

Still preference, but I'm not as strict anymore. But yes she would still have to be 7+ (but beauty is in the eye of the beholder)



> I’m sure you’re decent looking. That’s it. If you were gorgeous you wouldn’t be here.


Not anymore no  I miss being gorgeous 😑



> And personally. good looking guys are much better than hot guys, Get over your”beauty”. Didn’t really make your situation better in the long run


Hahahahaha it's all I have left lol


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Also... late 30s. I'm 37 now


----------



## heather42 (1 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Also... late 30s. I'm 37 now


Oh man that's really old. I'm gonna buy you a cane and some compression socks.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

heather42 said:


> Oh man that's really old. I'm gonna buy you a cane and some compression socks.


Just don't forget the Depend for his incontinence.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Also... late 30s. I'm 37 now


Bah. I didn't get started again until 44, when I ditched my ex. All my good times came after that. So can yours.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

57 here. Can assure you I don't look a day over 55.
I don't have the time, inclination, or interest in pursuing casual sex or flings where I'm at now. I just want someone whose company I actually enjoy, who isn't fixated on 'where things are going', doesn't feel compelled to inject drama into the relationship and who still digs getting in the sack ... or dining room table, or floor (carpeted of course). 

Your average fifty-something whose activity level is lifting a tv remote on a day to day basis, with a steady diet of nachos and queso, isn't likely going to have a lot of interest in pursuing women, or success attracting one for that matter.

I will say, that the thing I found interesting upon my return to the OLD world back in mid-2021 was that it seems both sexes in their silver years that have taken care of themselves somehow seem to think they will attract partners a decade younger or more. It's a cute delusion that very rapidly self-corrects.
I have generally chosen to date my age. Youngest I dated subsequently was 48. Current GF is 55. Been dating for just about a year.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

heather42 said:


> Oh man that's really old. I'm gonna buy you a cane and some compression socks.


I only have 13 more years 😖



Married but Happy said:


> Bah. I didn't get started again until 44, when I ditched my ex. All my good times came after that. So can yours.


Well, I've been rather active despite being in LTRs, guess I just wonder about my options as I get older compared to my options now.



Deejo said:


> 57 here. Can assure you I don't look a day over 55.
> I don't have the time, inclination, or interest in pursuing casual sex or flings where I'm at now. I just want someone whose company I actually enjoy, who isn't fixated on 'where things are going', doesn't feel compelled to inject drama into the relationship and who still digs getting in the sack ... or dining room table, or floor (carpeted of course).
> 
> Your average fifty-something whose activity level is lifting a tv remote on a day to day basis, with a steady diet of nachos and queso, isn't likely going to have a lot of interest in pursuing women, or success attracting one for that matter.
> ...


That would be nice, like a short term relationship or the best FWB arrangements, enjoy each other's company without expectations for more. That would be ideal.

I have been dating over 10 yrs younger though since my 30s and my ex 😑 for some reason. 

Actually recently a lady was telling me how old she is at 36 and was shocked I'm 37. No no, she's not my type so lol but heck sometimes I wonder my baby face means women 30+ may take me less seriously then a woman in her 20s.


----------

