# venting about child support.



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I haven't read all the responses, and this is just a general idea on child support. I pay child support, and I am not bitter. In my state, it's based on the person's income. I guess every situation is different. 

When men complain about having to pay child support, some of the arguments are that the mother has to pay bills, house payments, car payments, and this all benefits the kids. I even heard one woman say, "Oh, but the mother needs that check to survive." well, what about the father? If the mother needs a check to survive, how easy is it on the father who not only doesn't have a check coming in, but he's got one going out? 

I have no trouble supporting my kids, but I'd rather have to check into the Police station once a month and show receipts where I had spent money on the kids rather than turn a check over to her.

I don't know how it is everywhere else, but it seems like around here the one who pays child support is the one who struggles. Isn't it supposed to balance things? 

The weird part is that our agreement is probably the mildest it could have been. She didn't try to rip me a new one. I basically pay child support and that's it. I can't imagine it being worse. If it were, I'd be living in a box on the street. 

It is more aggrivating because she is the one who wanted the divorce. It wasn't like I ran off with another woman and abandoned my children. She just wasn't happy anymore. So, I guess she's happier now that I'm gone and giving her a big check every month. 

Does it seem like the one getting child support is better off, or am i missing something?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, of course, there are those who abuse the system and those who don't. In some cases, sure, the one receiving is better off than the one paying. In others, no.

My philosophy on child support is that, once the court order or agreement or whatever is in place, the recipient should just assume they will never get any. NEVER depend on it. Be self sufficient. That way, if and when it does come, it can be invested, used for vacations, major purchases, paying down debt, that kind of thing.

My ex has never in 20 years paid regularly. So now that the kids are all too old to even bring in child support, he owes me over $60,000.00. And he owes it to me, not the kids, because I already spent how many millions raising them, which he contributed nothing to. I don't feel the least bit guilty taking his money now, since he has ducked under the radar for so long. Even if it means he has to pinch his pennies. If he'd paid the $542 a month he was supposed to for all those years, when I could have REALLY used it (when the kids and I were struggling to get off of welfare as my job paid more and more and my income went *just* high enough to lose all my benefits) he'd be free and clear now.


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

My only real issue with paying my wife child support is that she has always had the potential to earn an equivalent salary to me but never pursued it. So now I get to equalize our incomes by giving her 30% of my check and most likely I'll be asked for spousal support for a temporary time. All because she never tried harder than her part time $900 a month job. It also means since she can't earn a decent wage she can't afford to move so we are stuck in the house together since even with combined salaries we can't afford two houses.

And honestly it's fruitless to me personally to get on these boards and lodge any kind of formal complaint about the child support process. It doesn't matter how logical you are, how much you insist you don't have a problem paying....you will get the ugly end of a whipping stick from single moms and dads that were stuck out in the cold with no support or not enough of it. Nothing against you personally but just be prepared for the backlash....


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree with Otter...you just have to do it.

I know how many things we pay for that should come out of the ex's child support, but she won't pay for them. School pictures, class rings, letter jackets. We're not about to let the kids go without. Meanwhile she just redid her kitchen to the tune of $10,000 plus.

Nothing in the world to be done about it. It's just one of those things, like death and taxes, not even worth getting upset about. It just is.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Just want everyone to know that I'm not trying to start a heated argument, it just seems a bit weird how it works out. I have never missed a payment and don't intend to, but the process just seems off. 

I pay her the equivalent of what our house payment was. So, if not for this old Green Acres house that my family had, I don't know what I'd be doing. I couldn't give her a house payment and then another one for myself. I'm sure her income isn't what it was when we were together, but it's enough that her material things haven't changed.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Like many government programs, I think maintenance enforcement rewards those who don't do what they're supposed to and penalizes the ones who do.

I have great respect for the sacrifices many payors make to send that cheque every month. It's the ones who get away with not paying, then whine when their income tax refund is garnisheed, that burn my butt.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

What most don't remember is both parents pay child support according to the court papers.

I pay roughly $650 a month where as my ex pays $360 a month in support of our child. Now I can't very well cut myself a check - but I do 'pay' to support our child, and much more than that every month too . 

Child support goes to pay for things the child needs to live: food, a home, electricity, water, etc. You are assisting in paying for those things wherever they live. Since my child lives more with me than her father, he pays part of those costs for when she is here.

When we divorced I lost about $2000 in income a month from my ex. I still had to pay the same bills - minus his car payment, insurance, and his percentage of the utilities.

Now I haven't seen a dime in almost 4 years, but he's active in his child's life and I have remarried and don't have to have it to feed her. If I did, I'd drag his butt to court, but as it is I'm hoping he will pay at some point and we can put it in a college fund for her.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

TNgirl232 said:


> What most don't remember is both parents pay child support according to the court papers.
> 
> I pay roughly $650 a month where as my ex pays $360 a month in support of our child. Now I can't very well cut myself a check - but I do 'pay' to support our child, and much more than that every month too .
> 
> ...


Sure, I understand all that. I have no squabble with the court papers; they are done correctly; things can look good on paper, but not work out so well in real-life. 

I'm still puzzled though that it is supposed to be an equalizer, but the one receiving still always seems to be better off than the one paying. Like I said, if I didn't have this Green Acres house to fall back on, which most don't, I don't know what I'd do I'd probably be living with parents for a while just to have a roof over my head, but she doesn't have that problem. 

I guess i feel differently too because I see my kids all the time due to our work schedules. It would be good to have a nice place for them to live in when they're with ol' dad.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

What's this child support of which you speak? Seriously, my older girls are 23 and 19. My ex maybe gave me $150 in a 18yr time period.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

southbound said:


> Sure, I understand all that. I have no squabble with the court papers; they are done correctly; things can look good on paper, but not work out so well in real-life.
> 
> I'm still puzzled though that it is supposed to be an equalizer, but the one receiving still always seems to be better off than the one paying. Like I said, if I didn't have this Green Acres house to fall back on, which most don't, I don't know what I'd do I'd probably be living with parents for a while just to have a roof over my head, but she doesn't have that problem.
> 
> I guess i feel differently too because I see my kids all the time due to our work schedules. It would be good to have a nice place for them to live in when they're with ol' dad.


Its an equalizer for the child - not for either of the spouses. Spousal support would be an equalizer for the spouse. The child is use to a certain 'level' based on your incomes together. The courts think that should be maintained and that's how the decide how much is needed. Its not about whether you get to keep the life your use to, but that the child does.

People on both sides often struggle, especially the lower on the income level you go. People getting paid child support often times have to move out of their homes, get cheaper apartments, economize in ways they never had to before. 

In my case, before I got remarried, I was barely scrapping by (and I was the higher earner of the 2 of us). I had no money left at the end of the month and had to depend on credit cards to float every month. Not a lot put on each month, but over 2 years it built up to $5000. I had to borrow money from my parents a time or 2 to get bills paid. I had to take on outside work as well, and I was getting paid child support at that time. My ex wasn't having any problems - at that time - getting what he needed paid for. So it may appear the parent getting paid has it easier, but things are not always as they appear.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> What's this child support of which you speak? Seriously, my older girls are 23 and 19. My ex maybe gave me $150 in a 18yr time period.


It seems like guys who have a problem with it solve it by not paying, but that's just not me.


----------

