# Partner Talks to me like 3rd Grader-Advice



## munster (Jul 29, 2010)

I thik I 1st posted this in wrong section..

Partner Switches Moods like Underwear and Belittles Me
Hi

New guy here...

Ill try to make a complicated story as simple as possible

Iam an American living in Germany with a German woman, I run a successful business as an antique dealer. I have been here close to 10 years.

Iam involved with a German woman and have a 2 and a half year old son,,wonderful boy,,I also have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

Ok,,let me start from the beginning..

I was about 2 years out of my former relationship when I decided to move on with life and find a mate. I met my current by chance walking down the street. She had just gotten out of a 13 year realationship for about 1 year. Her ex impregnated his co worker and dumped her. Things went well at first and then got rocky. It started with her ex, she claimed she had to go out with him because she did not know how to buy a cell phone and he was good at it being a computer type of guy, as I sat in her apartment waiting for her to return I felt kind of stupid, but let it go. Then some months later she said she was taking me to spend the weekend at some old friends house. It turns out these old friends were her Exs Brother and his wife. Her Exs Mom came in and rablled about what a lovely woman she is and how I should take good care of her. I was a bit angry when I found out who they were within the first hours and really wanted to leave, but was stranded in the middle of nowhere without a car. I let my girl know on the drive home that it was absolute bull**** to me and I was not pleased. Years went on and this died down but the reason I bring it up is the cause of our last argument. She hangs a calender in the kitchen for yearly planning , she writes her ex boyfriends name in on his birthday date on the calender. It would not normally bother me but it is the house my son lives in ,call me conservative, but my mom did not have her ex boyfriends names on calenders when I was 2 and a half posted on the wall. Maybe Iam wrong, but I do not like it and find it offensive when Iam looking at it making coffee in the morning.

Anyway..onto the progression. She gets pregnant and completely goes hormonal. Things are up and down and the stress she is causing me is starting to physically wear on me. I was at home with my british friend and noticed she left her phone at my house. My Brit friend tells me to check the text messages..I resist it at first but he tells me to definitely do it. SO I do,,I find these texts from some guy exclaiming how sexy she is as a preganant woman and her replaying. It turns out while I was away at a convention she was going on "innocent little dates with him and flirting" I lost it and she begged to talk with me. She started crying and said she wanted to "know her worth" I took her back but let her kow this is absolute bull****.

Now when its brought up she claims "I over reacted"

Things continue to go up and down and we do not move in together,,,she wants to be together but I keep a seperate apartment. This has turned into a nightmare for me because I have to constantly bring my laptop back and forth to her house via the subway along with antique items that are worth upwards to 5000 euros. To top it off she makes me pay child support and when Iam with my family I pay for a lot of the food and all, its like keeping up with 2 households. She did not give my son my last name which really ticks me off and I look at child support as something for a true single mom. Not a Mother who does have a man. I tried to fight this but she went to child services and they said they would sue me with a DNA test. It kills me to pay rent on a seperate place and child support and to pay as an actual dad for his family...my friends back in The USA laugh at me over this.

The relationship to her family ( a single mom who drove her husband off when she was 13) is non existant. The woman met with my mom and 1st off said "your son is not good enough for my daughter" My mom just walked away. I do believe my girl was raised by a single mother who poisoned her against men and still influences her. Her mother bought her her new apartment where my son lives.

There is so much more to this with these types of stories but I do not believe there is enough time in the day.

I did return home to Florida for 5 weeks and she kept telling me how much she appreciates and loves me because she never realized how hard it is by herself with my son.

The main point of conflict is:
She freaks out and yells at me over every goddamn little thing. I feel lke Iam back in elementary school. Today was the final straw. I was going in the shower and some water fell on the floor. She started jumping up and down in the water and screaming at me. I was half awake. I just told her tobring the kid to school herself and never talk to me like that again. I have been telling her for years to CHILL OUT! Its always crap like I described. Water spilled off the table once and she yelled at me to clean it up. I was on my hands and knees wiping it up and she was yelling at me over missed spots. It hit me at that mment. It was like I was a deck hand on The HMS Bounty or a slaveship. I guess iam soupposed to react to this behavoiur calmyly but I start yelling back, It infuriates me.

It also screws me up that the other half of the time she is loving and fun. But then she (usually in the morning) switches from hot to cold,,its like Jeckyll and Hyde. The night before she is having romantic sex with me and then shes jumping up and down in a puddle of water yelling at me. After I left her hanging today over it she claimed we are finished and yada yada yada..to tell you the truth I love her but Iam not really upset. She breaks up like 2 times a week with me. There is absolutely no pleasing her...Iam so sick of being yelled at and doing a lot of stuff and feeling underappreciated . Iam the one who always tries to save the relationship and she admits she overreacts and treats people lke that because her Mother was a teacher.

If I did not love her so much I would just cut loose and be there for my son...Iam not a psycologist but I think she might have control freak issues,,,I know there are 2 sides to every story and by no means am I an angel,,,but I try to tell her not to do it (iam near 40 and do not need someone to constantly berate me) She admits to it but seems to not be able to control it ,,,I tried to get her into counseling but she went 2 times and never went back. I thnk I have developed ulcers from all this and as much as it hurts maybe I should just stay with myself instead of trying to please the unpleasable.

Anyway, anyone else have a situation lke this? ( I truly hope not) lol

Dion in Germany


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Yes, a whole lot of people live in abusive relationships for some strange reason. Your girl is verbally abusive and as long as you keep taking it, she has no reason to change. I suggest to anyone to get away as fast as you can. Knowing you don't want to leave, then just go until such time that she actively and seriously seeks help. Let her know the relationship depends on it. If she doesn't, don't go back or you walk right back into her same abusive nature and the cycle starts all over. And, the longer you allow this to continue, the more your son will be affected. He will grow up either abusing those close to him, or he will tolerate being abused the way his dad tolerates it.


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## wilted_flower (Jul 25, 2010)

It really is an unfortunate situation, the way you describe it. I think you are well aware of the fact you need to leave, since you could never fully commit to living with her. If you've always got one foot out the door by having a separate place, I'm sure she feels that and isn't helping with her emotional imbalance. 

I agree with susan that you're not setting a positive example for your son on positive relationship dynamics. I think you should either move in with her, or move on. It's ridiculous to pay child support, rent, AND be there as an active father. Child support is for parents who truly are on their own- without the other parent. 

So, I see two options for you... either move in, or move on. But be aware of the examples that you set for your children. 

Good luck to you.


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