# Help! My soon to be wife is uncomfortable with me shooting Nude art



## BrettN (Feb 26, 2013)

So I have been shooting nude art photography for 8 years, my soon to be wife is uncomfortable with it. I am not a cheating ass and I shoot for fine art. Any ideas to get her to not be uncomfortable?

let me preface this,

So we have been together a year, we are getting married in 3 weeks, she was fully aware of my work, and I have invited her to shoots, tried to shoot her, so I am at a loss. I have shot male and female nudes. Its a big part of my fine art photography. I was shooting nudes while we were dating as well. At that time she told she likes that I see the beauty of the body and now she is uncomfortable with it. She does have self esteem and body issues. I don't shoot pro skinny models either, most of them are new models getting a portfolio together and are average. Am I in the wrong to want to continue in photographing fine art nudes? or is she insecure and doesn't understand what I do, and if so how do I get her to understand. I would never cheat, as i was cheated on last year, i know how much it hurts.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Whats more important to you right now? Shooting nudes or your future wife? If you dont want to make the comprimise of not shooting nudes and instead shoot sonething else then perhaps you should reconsider getting married to this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm going to buck the trend. Your fiancée knew you've been shooting nudes. She needs to deal with her feelings. But I sure wouldn't be rushing into my marriage until you're both comfortable with things... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

On the contrary he knew she has insecurity issues. Either way if you arent willing to comprimise OP then reconsider marriage with this woman. Im sure you will find someone who has no problem with you shooting nudes if your unwilling to give it up. Likewise she will find someone who better suits her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So this is a hobby. Actually the fact these are not pro models makes it even more risky and I see her point.

I think you need to decide how important it is for you.

I also think if you decide to do this anyway she needs to decide whether this is ok for her.

I think we give up things when when we marry sometimes.

When my wife met me I went to bars and slept with women. I gave that up.

Maybe you can find a friend who does the same thing and your wife can model nude for him.

Again folks want to though out words like insecurity. GMAFB. There are good reasons for not being secure with certain activities. They are called boundaries. So no I would not be secure with my wife crossing my boundaries.

I do agree that she knew you did this as a hobby. But now that marriage is in scope I get that she wants that to go. Nothing evil about that. She can ask. You can comply or not. But she may walk. I fear however that you will not comply and she will try ot make it worse and you guys will end up divorcing after much pain.

You would never cheat. LOL. She may feel you photographing nudes IS cheating. There are other boundaries besides PIV sex.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Do you generate income from shooting nudes for fine art? I think that is a pretty limited genre and I'm not sure there is a large client base for something like that. When I was in photography school there was only one person who was into the nude photography thing. He was a total dog but actually won a contest to do a shoot for playboy. He pretended he was doing it for fine art but as soon as the playboy thing came up that "doing it for art" thing was out the window. Not saying that is you but that's really the only place you can go with it to make significant money on IMO.

If it is just for the art of it, you've done it for 8 years. Don't you think it could be getting stale and you should broaden your horizons?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Btw OP it may have seemed as if she had no problem with it in the beginning but thats just it. In the beginning no one really expects to become seriously involved. She will always have a problem with nudes and that will just make her grow resentful overtime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

One word: Incompatibility


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I don't think there is any way you can make her comfortable. If my husband was shooting fine art nudes, I'd feel uncomfortable, too. Just thinking of him shooting nakesd women and men just gives me an uncomfortable feeling and I have a good self body image. Just because she knew about it didn't mean she was fine with it.

If shooting fine art is your love, your life, your passion, you will be lost without it and resentful that you can't keep doing it, then I think you need to re-think this marriage. It won't keep you warm at night, though (but you might find someone else who doesn't mind or even supports it and loves your hobby).

I guess, because it is nude, it is in a category separate from nature photography or fashion photography or other kinds of arts like pottery. It's not like she's saying she uncomfortable with you shooting bird photography.

But if you love her deeply and can't live without her, then if your hobby makes her uncomfortable, then I think you should give it up and pursue other kinds of photography.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Brett,

I echo what others have said with this addition. There is no type to cheat and the fact that you have been cheated on is not an inoculation against committing infidelity yourself. And I wouldn't call her insecure at all. I would call her request prudent and reasonable for a man she plans on marrying.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I have no advise on how to convince her and I doubt that anyone else on here does either. It is not wrong for either of you to feel the way that you feel it just is the way you feel. Luckily you are having the conversation in advance of the marriage and not after the ceremony.

As I see it you two need to have a very frank discussion on the subject. If see says that you continuing to take nudes is a "Die on the Sword" issue with her, what would be your response? If taking nudes is that vital to yourself being then you have to terminate the relationship....period. If it is just something that you really enjoy, but would be willing to decrease or eliminate than there is your answer. While I personally enjoy photography and have no problems with nudes, you have to admit that it is different than taking family portraits or nature pictures. While I accept that you are doing it for the art side of it, you can see where a wife may not be comfortable with this situation. I would say your best bet is a compromise where she is present for the shoots or someone else that she could trust as her representative (sister, cousin, etc). Personally I like wildlife photography and my wife and I can do it together.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Brett:

PLEASE do yourselves a favor and postpone the wedding for AT LEAST another year!!!!

Not because of the nude art photography.
Not because of her self-esteem & body image issues.
But BECAUSE

You've only known each other ONE YEAR! (You're still using your 'party manners')!
You were cheated on LAST YEAR. Yet you've already
found a replacement
know she's 'forever'
decided to get married NOW

She can't accept an important part of your life, although she's known about it for a year.
You two are REALLY JUMPING THE GUN rushing into marriage. There's an excellent reason for sayings like "marry in haste, repent in leisure".

PLEASE! If you REALLY love each other, if you're REALLY SURE you're meant to be together FOREVER, then you will STILL FEEL THAT WAY in another year. Get married THEN.

I have NO IDEA how old you two are, but I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to be your mom...I'm just telling YOU like I'd tell my own child (whom I love dearly): Don't be in such a rush! NOTHING good will come of rushing.

Good luck whatever you choose to do!


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

I don't think the OP has really given enough information to give good advice here.

Some people are acting as if it's a hobby, but OP did say "she doesn't understand what I do", which leads me to think (perhaps incorrectly) that this is his source of income, plus he didn't mention an actual job that would be a separate venture.

If it is his job, then that sheds a different light on things. It's not easy for someone, especially in this economy, to up and shift careers.

Also, I think some of the advice here is colored by the fact that it's nude photography, which some might see as only a few steps removed from porn. If instead of that the OP was talking about running a soup kitchen, some of the advice would probably be different.

I'm with PBear on this one. I don't see why he should have to give up something that he was completely up front about in the first place. OP even says "I was shooting nudes while we were dating as well. At that time she told she likes that I see the beauty of the body", but that later his fiancee decided she was uncomfortable with it. As such, I don't see it as the OP ignoring her body issues, but rather she tried to play it off in the beginning to not scare him off and now she's waffled on the issue because the wedding day is near.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You are getting married too soon. The cracks are starting to appear as they often can at the 12 month mark.

I would postpone the wedding and see how the relationship develops over time.

Neither of you are in the wrong but it sounds like you are in for some trouble if you marry now.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If you are just finding out now that she won't accept your photography even though she's always known about it, imagine all the other things you don't about each other yet.

"Marry in haste; repent at leisure."

There's no need to rush into a marriage, and a lot of reasons not to.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

If you do this for a living, I'd hesitate telling you to quit. What about a male gynecologist doctor? Does he have to quit too because he sees female private part every day? At least you job is less explicit...How about you invite her to assist your photo sessions? that way she sees with her own eyes that there is nothing going on. Assure her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world - in your eyes. 
But if it is just a hobby, you can consider the advice above, do it only in her presence, or even give it up, if you love her enough to sacrifice one of your passions for her sake. If you do not love her that much, guess it is best to call off the wedding. Know what they say : "don't marry the one you think you can live with ; marry the one you think you can't live without".


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

I don't think anything you say is going to change her insecurity in the next 3 weeks. I also don't think it was fair for her to let it get this far without letting this be known. But at least she did it before the wedding. Time to hit the brakes and reassess.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I would be asking myself why she waited to make an issue of it 3weeks before the wedding. I think she wanted your back up against a wall to force you into complying.

Why are you getting married so quickly? A year is not a very long time in which to get to know someone properly. I would postpone as she is showing how she intends to get her own way in the future.

She had all the information from the begining, she either accepts you the way you are or she doesnt . . . . .


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

1]She knew of his hobby of shooting nude models_ both male and female._She had no problem with it.
2]She often accompanied him on shoots, _with nude models_.She had no problem with it.
3]_She even posed in the nude_ for some of his work.She had no problem with it.

Now just a few weeks out, _suddenly she has__ problems_.

But her problem is her problem, not his. She has her issues , she has to deal with it.

I have worked in an industry with professional models, topless at times.
My wife had no problems. I stopped not because she wanted me too, but simply because " sexual offers " always came, and I had better financial options.
Even if he should give up his hobby, would her insecurities go?
The obvious answer is no.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BrettN said:


> So we have been together a year, we are getting married in 3 weeks, she was fully aware of my work, and I have invited her to shoots, tried to shoot her, so I am at a loss.


 When you were only dating, she was not out of line thinking that what she thought about your work did not matter. Now that you are getting married, she is not out of line thinking that what she thinks about it now does matter.



BrettN said:


> Am I in the wrong to want to continue in photographing fine art nudes?


 The fact that you have been doing it for 8 years prior is not important now that you are getting married. You were also dating and having sex with women other than her over the last 8 years, and guess what, now that you are getting married she will not want you to do that anymore either.

I also call bull to you calling it "fine art". Just like when they call strip clubs "gentleman's clubs", just because you call it that does not necessarily make it so.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I find this interesting. So if the man were a gynecologist and was not only looking at, but had his hands in private parts everyday; would that be a problem? Would it be appropriate for the fiance to say "I'm not comfortable with you seeing other women in stages of undress?"


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As much as I thought the OP's financee needs to deal with her issues, there's a significant difference between:

1) Studying for years and years, spending thousands of dollars on your education, and a potential earning in the hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, all to examine women's bodies, typically with a female nurse in the room.

or

2) I really like taking pictures of nude women cause I really really appreciate the way their naked bodies look. They're really grateful for my help, even if they don't have money to pay me. 

But no, I don't think her insecurities would go away if he stopped doing this, and yes, I think they're rushing the whole "getting married thing". And yes, I think sometimes, there's an incompatibility in a couple. It doesn't mean either one is right or wrong, it just means they aren't right for each other. As some others have posted...

Of course, the OP hasn't posted back since his original post...

C


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

So, comparing Op's job to a gynecologist , who also touches aside from seeing...should the gynecologist's wife feel insecure about it? I guess the gynecologist would not be encouraged to quit his job..why? because he is a doctor, does a well paid job, helps people..but the wife may still not be very happy about what he does. 

Then, comparing the OP's job to a stripper - both including nudity. Would we tell a stripper to give up her/ his job when getting married ? Most likely. Why? Nobody touches them..they just bare their eye-candy assets, same as the photo models. Is the OP different because he does not perform nudity, just interacts with it?

How are these 3 jobs : gynecologist, photographer and stripper different when it comes to making a future spouse insecure? Other than the income amount and the same old prejudices...

In my opinion, none of the 3 should be asked to quit, but all should choose to do so if they really love their SO . Every person has different boundaries.


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