# Do Men Fantasize About Other Women



## lovinghimforever

During sex? If so, is it normal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie

not during sex, because that rarely happens lol, but i do adore the female form and ardently observe it whenever i can. but i am true to my wife, despite her low low drive


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## Crypsys

During sex? That's a big negative to me! As with Okey, I appreciate the female form and enjoy looking at women. But i've never fantasized about other women other then my spouse while we are having sex.


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## Deejo

Need more information. Are you presuming he is fantasizing about other women based upon some event or occurence, or did he state to you that he fantasizes about other women durng sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovinghimforever

Deejo said:


> Need more information. Are you presuming he is fantasizing about other women based upon some event or occurence, or did he state to you that he fantasizes about other women durng sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Last night, my husband looked at naked photos of a woman before we became intimate. So now I'm wondering if he was thinking about her the whole time we were intimate?


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## cody5

Yes, and Yes.


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## Crypsys

lovinghimforever said:


> Last night, my husband looked at naked photos of a woman before we became intimate. So now I'm wondering if he was thinking about her the whole time we were intimate?


Did he know you two were going to be intimate? Or was the intimacy not planned? How long before you were intimate did he look at the pictures?

Also just to be completely honest there is nothing wrong with you not liking your husband viewing porn. From the 2 separate posts you made today, and the way I am reading your wording it sounds like you may have some deeper issues then just with him viewing porn. It sounds to me (I am not a psychologist, it's just my opinion) that you may have some self-esteem issues you need to work on.


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## lovinghimforever

Crypsys said:


> Did he know you two were going to be intimate? Or was the intimacy not planned? How long before you were intimate did he look at the pictures?
> 
> Also just to be completely honest there is nothing wrong with you not liking your husband viewing porn. From the 2 separate posts you made today, and the way I am reading your wording it sounds like you may have some deeper issues then just with him viewing porn. It sounds to me (I am not a psychologist, it's just my opinion) that you may have some self-esteem issues you need to work on.


It was not planned, but we are usually intimate every other night so yeah, we kinda both knew it was gonna happen. He looked at the pictures right before.

And yes, you hit the nail right on the head. I have severe self-esteem issues. They have gotten better. I've lost a lot of weight and am starting to feel pretty confident about myself. The thing is, I have never had self-esteem issues until I caught him watching the porn. Makes me feel like less of a woman.


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## franklinfx

Yes, I think about other women all the time. Its natural, we just want a little "strange" sometimes, but I wouldnt take it too hard, it doesnt mean we love our wives any less, sex isnt as emotional a thing for guys, as it is for women, its more like urinating for us, it a release. Thats why we get so grouchy when we dont get any.


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## Crypsys

lovinghimforever said:


> The thing is, I have never had self-esteem issues until I caught him watching the porn. Makes me feel like less of a woman.


Generally people with low self esteem can go one of 2 ways with sex. They can be someone who's unwilling to experiment and try new things. They can also go the full other way and be willing to do anything at all (even if it's damaging) in order to please their spouse because of their self esteem issues. 

Could it be possible sex may be a bit boring for him? Do both of yall talk about your fantasies with each other? Things you'd both like to try and experience? Are you open to at least trying his fantasies? Is he open to trying your fantasies? While I love my wife, if all we ever did was have normal missionary sex, I may be looking at porn too. 

I am NOT trying to excuse anyone's actions here loving, just trying to add additional viewpoints and things for you to think about.


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## lovinghimforever

Crypsys said:


> Generally people with low self esteem can go one of 2 ways with sex. They can be someone who's unwilling to experiment and try new things. They can also go the full other way and be willing to do anything at all (even if it's damaging) in order to please their spouse because of their self esteem issues.
> 
> Could it be possible sex may be a bit boring for him? Do both of yall talk about your fantasies with each other? Things you'd both like to try and experience? Are you open to at least trying his fantasies? Is he open to trying your fantasies? While I love my wife, if all we ever did was have normal missionary sex, I may be looking at porn too.
> 
> I am NOT trying to excuse anyone's actions here loving, just trying to add additional viewpoints and things for you to think about.


I doubt that he's bored. I'm always the one wanting to try new things, new positions. And he's told me that he's just not into that, that he just likes good ol' missionary style.


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## Crypsys

lovinghimforever said:


> I doubt that he's bored. I'm always the one wanting to try new things, new positions. And he's told me that he's just not into that, that he just likes good ol' missionary style.


Hmm, IMO that's strange. Generally the male is more willing to try new things. I know everyone is different, but things are generally a stereotype because they are true more often then not.

What is his reasoning to you for continuing to view porn even knowing it hurts/bothers you? What kind of porn is it? Vanilla run of the mill porn, fetish, Young women, asian, etc? 

You stated earlier you are intimate every other night, so as far as I can assume frequency "shouldn't" be an issue. Stupid question, every time yall are intimate does he actually climax? Does he ever have any issues with getting or maintaining an erection?

Also, you stated you lost some weight recently (congratulations on that btw). Some women feel they are fat even when they are within normal healthy weights. I know my wife has always been pretty small and even she thinks shes fat. Generally ladies with self esteem issues will NEVER be happy with their bodies no matter how much weight they loose. Is your husband happy with your body? Or does he make statements (even if they seem to be kidding) about you loosing weight, etc? Or does he comment you about how beautiful you are, etc?


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## lovinghimforever

Crypsys said:


> Hmm, IMO that's strange. Generally the male is more willing to try new things. I know everyone is different, but things are generally a stereotype because they are true more often then not.
> 
> What is his reasoning to you for continuing to view porn even knowing it hurts/bothers you? What kind of porn is it? Vanilla run of the mill porn, fetish, Young women, asian, etc?
> 
> You stated earlier you are intimate every other night, so as far as I can assume frequency "shouldn't" be an issue. Stupid question, every time yall are intimate does he actually climax? Does he ever have any issues with getting or maintaining an erection?
> 
> Also, you stated you lost some weight recently (congratulations on that btw). Some women feel they are fat even when they are within normal healthy weights. I know my wife has always been pretty small and even she thinks shes fat. Generally ladies with self esteem issues will NEVER be happy with their bodies no matter how much weight they loose. Is your husband happy with your body? Or does he make statements (even if they seem to be kidding) about you loosing weight, etc? Or does he comment you about how beautiful you are, etc?


He usually shuts down when I ask him about it. I have yet to find out why he looks at it.

Last night, he looked up naked pictures of Jessica Burrciaga before we got intimate. That's all I saw and closed his computer. I am no Jessica Burrciaga. But we both are hispanic, with the same features such as dark hair, dark skin, I'm slender except I don't have big, fake breasts. Could that be it? The boobs? I've mentioned getting a breast augmentation for him and he says my breasts are just fine. He says I'm beautiful all the time and always climaxes. All in all, we have a healthy sex life.

I would just like to know if he looked at her because I'm not atiquate, because my breasts are too small? Do I not turn him on that he has to be turned by another woman before he pleasures me? I'm always the one wanting sex and maybe he just does it to keep me happy and not because I turn him on?


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## Crypsys

lovinghimforever said:


> He usually shuts down when I ask him about it. I have yet to find out why he looks at it.


Probably because he's embarrassed about it. I would assume he loves you and he's embarrassed you know and have "caught" him. Have you tried approaching him somewhat like this? _Honey, look I'm not mad at you, upset and I'm not judging you. I'm just wanting to know what it is about porn that you are finding you like? I'm just trying to understand and I'd love it if you can help me understand what makes it appealing to you._



lovinghimforever said:


> Last night, he looked up naked pictures of Jessica Burrciaga before we got intimate. That's all I saw and closed his computer. I am no Jessica Burrciaga.


I just googled her, and yes she is very pretty. And hell, who knows she may be as sweet as apple pie to boot. I seriously doubt he is even expecting you to be a Jessica Burrciaga. I mean I doubt he's an Eddie Cibrian. Because if he was, you'd probably be intimate about 5 times a day.  (j/k)



lovinghimforever said:


> But we both are hispanic, with the same features such as dark hair, dark skin, I'm slender except I don't have big, fake breasts. Could that be it? The boobs? I've mentioned getting a breast augmentation for him and he says my breasts are just fine. He says I'm beautiful all the time and always climaxes. All in all, we have a healthy sex life.


My wife was born with a cleft palate and even though she's had over 40 surgeries, she still has scars, etc from the surgeries. She hates her mouth and is very, very self-conscious about it. None of us are perfect, we all have flaws that we would like to change. Porn has been dragging its feet to go to high-def, blu-ray. Wanna know why? Because of the resolution you will be able to see the flaws in their actors. It's why any tv production has such a big makeup staff, because they have to hide the imperfections. There is not a single person on this earth with a perfect body. But yet, we have been deluded as a society to do everything in our power in our quest to be like hollywood. It's especially bad for you ladies. Size 0, big breasts, skinny thighs, milky complexion, etc. They set a "standard" unreachable by anyone.



lovinghimforever said:


> I would just like to know if he looked at her because I'm not atiquate, because my breasts are too small? Do I not turn him on that he has to be turned by another woman before he pleasures me? I'm always the one wanting sex and maybe he just does it to keep me happy and not because I turn him on?


I'm not in your relationship, I'm not your husband and outside of what I've read on the boards that's all I know of y'all. That being said loving, it sounds to me like your husband is still interested in being intimate with you. From his words and what little of his actions I've seen he does find you attractive. 

But, he still likes to look at other women. Look, I hate saying it but what he's doing isn't far out from what most guys do. I'm not saying what he's doing is good, right, etc. I seriously doubt it's an addiction or him not loving you or finding you attractive. I think he's just a guy who likes to look. I can't tell you whether to just "accept" it, or to work to try and change him. 

Best way i can put it is porn to a lot of guy fills the same role for them as love stories do for most ladies. You ladies enjoy love stories, reading, watching them, etc. Yall know your not those people, but you like imagining it, putting yourself into their emotions, etc. When you watch love stories, are you cheating on your husband, or does it mean you don't love him? Of course not. For some guys, porn fills that same niche for them. Sometimes, yes men can become addicted to it, and it can cause problems. But I'd hazard a guess for most, it's a "harmless" pursuit that doesn't mean anything about the relationship. 

Since you are someone who deals with self-esteem issues this causes you more harm then it normally would because of the self esteem issues. You, like many women suffer from self-esteem from your looks, etc. And your husband, like many likes looking at nude women. Put them both together and it causes a lot of friction for a marriage.


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## lovinghimforever

Thanks for all the advice Crypsys. It has helped me and given me such a sense of relief.

I'm gonna sit down and talk to him tonight in a non-confrontational way. I'm gonna let him know that while I'm not ok with it, it's completely out of my control and if he decides to look at it, that's between him and God. I hope it goes well and he doesn't walk out the door. I'll keep ya updated. 

Thanks again.


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## cb45

yes and yes/no depending on the circumstances.

yes men do it, no yer H shouldnt be RUDE and look at pics in your presence(or at all for that matter), b4 "servicing" u in bed.

now if he's doing it in his own head n not giving off any cues/clues to it, then yep, its normal in my book. not the ideal mind u, but normal.

i know that when i am tired, and not "finishing up" so to speak
in bed, i've used fantasizing to increase the cum speed as it were. this is especially true if we're talking the 3rd time that nite for me.

but again, i give no cues/clues, so "no harm no foul.":awink:


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## hubbyhere

lovinghimforever said:


> Last night, my husband looked at naked photos of a woman before we became intimate. So now I'm wondering if he was thinking about her the whole time we were intimate?


So would it be any different if the two of you watched some porn before you were intimate? He might think about one of the women in the porn while you are intimate. 

I can't say I have ever thought about another woman while I was being intimate with my wife.


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## Crypsys

Lovinghim, did yall have the talk last night? How did it go?


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## bleedingheart

Loving him forever, from a woman's perspective, it is completely understandable that you have encountered self esteem issues after finding him viewing porn, without your knowledge. Most men pretend they don't understand this. How would a husband feel if he found his wife viewing men with larger and thicker male parts or better physics than him, especially right before sex..............


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## okeydokie

bleedingheart said:


> Loving him forever, from a woman's perspective, it is completely understandable that you have encountered self esteem issues after finding him viewing porn, without your knowledge. Most men pretend they don't understand this. How would a husband feel if he found his wife viewing men with larger and thicker male parts or better physics than him, especially right before sex..............



honestly, i wouldnt care as long as she got horny and took it out on me. i think most men and women greatly differ in this area. i know my wife and i do, she will get pizzed at me for looking at a buff female on TV (even though her sex drive is nil and we rarely have sex). i couldnt care less if she looked at playgirl or man porn all day long (she doesnt)


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## SimplyAmorous

Crypsys said:


> Best way i can put it is porn to a lot of guy fills the same role for them as love stories do for most ladies. You ladies enjoy love stories, reading, watching them, etc. Yall know your not those people, but you like imagining it, putting yourself into their emotions, etc. When you watch love stories, are you cheating on your husband, or does it mean you don't love him? Of course not. For some guys, porn fills that same niche for them. Sometimes, yes men can become addicted to it, and it can cause problems. But I'd hazard a guess for most, it's a "harmless" pursuit that doesn't mean anything about the relationship.


 :iagree: I love this, I heartily agree with this comparison. 

Your question : Do men fantasize about other women : 

I know my husband LOVES looking at Naked women, within one week of getting our 1st computer, I had naked women on my desktop & had to call Dell to get them off. I was less kind as you , I used to tape scriptures to the computer to convict him. He tried to hide his porn, like most men for fear of our reactions. Now that I am more open to understanding this desire-how men are simply VERY VISUAL by nature, it does not bother me at all. 

I have asked on a number of occasions IF he fantasizes about them during our Lovemaking- even admitting to him I HAVE thought of some of my favorite male porn stars for moments at a time, He swears he does not do this and never has during our love making. I believe him as it helps to turn OFF the porn when we are intimate. 

He is the upmost most faithful man I know, so seriously, it is really a Guy thing. Do not take it personal, it sounds like your sex life is Rockin', you do not have any concerns here. It is the women who are being denied sex, left wanting, waiting , while their men are using porn to replace them. That is when it is a problem. All men will notice a beautiful women and want to look at her. It is nature. It doesn't mean he is thinking/fantaciizing about her when he is WITH you though, as other men have shared on here.


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## tjohnson

I believe all men love looking at naked/barely dressed women. It is why sports illustrated swimsuit issue is one of the top selling magazines year in and year out and why worldwide Baywach (despite horrible acting,storylines etc.) was one of the most widely sindicated shows ever. Men are drawn to it like a moth to a flame. 

Most men either 
1) men view porn and admit it
2) or View porn and lie about it
3) Refrain from it out of guilt. This comes from how they were raised or how their wives or S/O feel about it. 

Agreed with Simply amourous

I think women have the ability to visualize or fantisize about this sort of thing in ways men simply cannot (at least speaking personally) otherwise they would not think of this. If i had the ability to close my eyes and picture the naked women and J/O that would be great but, I cannot. 

Personally, I have don't even fantisize about being with the women i look at while masturbating. The images of their body parts is arousing....absolutely...but....again...I don't imagine myself being engaged with them in anyway. I don't NOT do this because i think "wait a minute i am married and should not think this" I don't do it because to me they are not real women. Just images of Ts and A's. 

Please don't let this habit (of men not your husband) make you think you are inadequate in any way. I would bet a my life savings that the husbands/boyfreind of these beautiful women are looking at other women in print or online.


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## Blue Moon

No, not during.


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## Scannerguard

I would never do such a thing.

Never in a million years.


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## OhGeesh

Watch porn with him? Myself and some coworkers were talking about that the other day. One guys wife "says she loves it" they both get hot and wild and have a blast.

Personally my wife would never go for that at ALL, but different strokes for different folks.

As far as your question NEVER during sex!! I'm too into the moment, but some else said guys want a "piece of strange" I do find that to be somewhat true.

When I say it's a fleeting thought that's exactly what it is. Good luck hope everything gets better!!


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## Robrobb

Can't say that I ever fantasized about another woman during sex, don't think I'd have to. Even apart from when we're together, many of my strongest fantasies involve my spouse anyhow (or spouse plus others - yeah, I'm a guy). Now, communicating those fantasies is another matter....

We've tried watching porn together and never found anything that does it for her.


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## Blue Moon

SimplyAmorous said:


> :iagree: I love this, I heartily agree with this comparison.
> 
> Your question : Do men fantasize about other women :
> 
> I know my husband LOVES looking at Naked women, within one week of getting our 1st computer, I had naked women on my desktop & had to call Dell to get them off. I was less kind as you , I used to tape scriptures to the computer to convict him. He tried to hide his porn, like most men for fear of our reactions. Now that I am more open to understanding this desire-how men are simply VERY VISUAL by nature, it does not bother me at all.
> 
> I have asked on a number of occasions IF he fantasizes about them during our Lovemaking- even admitting to him I HAVE thought of some of my favorite male porn stars for moments at a time, He swears he does not do this and never has during our love making. I believe him as it helps to turn OFF the porn when we are intimate.
> 
> He is the upmost most faithful man I know, so seriously, it is really a Guy thing. Do not take it personal, it sounds like your sex life is Rockin', you do not have any concerns here. It is the women who are being denied sex, left wanting, waiting , while their men are using porn to replace them. That is when it is a problem. All men will notice a beautiful women and want to look at her. It is nature. It doesn't mean he is thinking/fantaciizing about her when he is WITH you though, as other men have shared on here.


LOL, you had to call Dell to delete pictures? Why'd you guilt trip him with scripture if you watch and fantasize about porn stars?


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## Deejo

Blue Moon said:


> LOL, you had to call Dell to delete pictures? Why'd you guilt trip him with scripture if you watch and fantasize about porn stars?


Now vs. Then, scenario. SA is a recovered rejectionist.


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## cb45

well at least we (ok, me. lol)

dont have to worry 'bout girls gettin hooked on porn 'cuz.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRf_A07Elyw

:smthumbup:


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## cb45

hmmmm, make that........

YouTube - The Wiz Seinfeld

levity, twice over:lol:


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## 63Vino

Crypsys said:


> Lovinghim, did yall have the talk last night? How did it go?


What IS it you're attempting to mount there crypsys?!?!?!?!

(your avitar pic)


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## Crypsys

63Vino said:


> What IS it you're attempting to mount there crypsys?!?!?!?!
> 
> (your avitar pic)



lol, I did it on a bet my wife made me (we were at a museum). We were there and I said that it looks like the gorilla was ready for some loving. There was a group of older people around us and my wife bet me a back massage that I wouldn't go over and pretend to mount it while they were there. As you can see from the proof of the picture, I enjoyed a back massage later that night!

(And yes, that is me.)


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## 63Vino

Crypsys said:


> lol, I did it on a bet my wife made me (we were at a museum). We were there and I said that it looks like the gorilla was ready for some loving. There was a group of older people around us and my wife bet me a back massage that I wouldn't go over and pretend to mount it while they were there. As you can see from the proof of the picture, I enjoyed a back massage later that night!
> 
> (And yes, that is me.)


As long as you dont fantasize about the gorilla, i guess its ok!


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## Glitter

I would never think of someone else while in action with my partner


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## delapoma

I have been married for the last 17 years, sex is not the same, I have always looked to other women’s butts, and I consider that normal. And I would like to have an affair with a younger woman.


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## delapoma

...and yes, I have been thinking about other women while having sex with my wife, at the beginning it was my sister in law, now is any woman from my workplace.


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## Deejo

I fantasize about food when I'm having sex. That's ok right?

My 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs' is totally screwed up. Mmmm ... peppercorn cheeseburger ... that always gets me there.


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## cherrypie18

I really don't get the fantasizing during sex thing. I mean is there even enough time to do that? I don't know if my husband's ever done that (it would hurt if he did) but I've never done that.

Why do men think about other women during sex? I think unless the wife is frigid and doesn't do anything to get him aroused then it'd be ok but if she's hot (not necessarily looks) and gets him hot, why fantasize about others?? Why can't you just enjoy looking at your own woman?


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## Crypsys

Deejo said:


> I fantasize about food when I'm having sex. That's ok right?
> 
> My 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs' is totally screwed up. Mmmm ... peppercorn cheeseburger ... that always gets me there.


lol, +1!!! As long as you don't try having your way with that apple pie, it's a fine problem I think! :smthumbup:


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## cheetahcub

Lovehimforever, I had the same question in my head, when I eye caught yours. What was the verdict? I ask this for another reason than yours though, mine might actually make you feel better. My hub has been talking a lot more about a new lady at his work. Yesterday he even phoned her after hours, to talk about something that really could have waited for the morning, but as it was, they ended up talking for 10 min...something my husband's not usually good at on phones. I kept up the pretence to make nothing of it, but it hit home when he came home tonight, just talking about the jokes she made and how she likes his new moustache...which I don't appreciate that much, as I've got dry lips at the mo. But to get on with it, during intercourse tonight, he kissed differently, almost distant and slow, not his usual way. Also much more powerful at climax, if I'm allowed to share that. That's what made me think of this, I actually felt used tonight. Porn is pictures, this is a real life female getting into our lives, should I say something? Should I wait for the crush or whatever it is to fade? How should I handle this without making it worse?


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## Chris Taylor

cheetahcub said:


> Lovehimforever, I had the same question in my head, when I eye caught yours. What was the verdict? I ask this for another reason than yours though, mine might actually make you feel better. My hub has been talking a lot more about a new lady at his work. Yesterday he even phoned her after hours, to talk about something that really could have waited for the morning, but as it was, they ended up talking for 10 min...something my husband's not usually good at on phones. I kept up the pretence to make nothing of it, but it hit home when he came home tonight, just talking about the jokes she made and how she likes his new moustache...which I don't appreciate that much, as I've got dry lips at the mo. But to get on with it, during intercourse tonight, he kissed differently, almost distant and slow, not his usual way. Also much more powerful at climax, if I'm allowed to share that. That's what made me think of this, I actually felt used tonight. Porn is pictures, this is a real life female getting into our lives, should I say something? Should I wait for the crush or whatever it is to fade? How should I handle this without making it worse?


"Getting into our lives"??? Have you read some of the other posts here? Unless there's more to the story than you have written here, I don't think she's "into" your life.

Talk to hubby about it in a nonthreatening way just so he sees you've noticed and may be a little put off by it.

If you felt used when you had sex with your husband, it will eventually show (either by being a passive lover or not having sex at all). THAT'S when you need to worry about another woman.

Next time you have sex (tonight?) rock his world. Do the same tomorrow night.


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## CH

Crypsys said:


> lol, +1!!! As long as you don't try having your way with that apple pie, it's a fine problem I think! :smthumbup:


Ewe, now I got that image of Jason Bigs from American Pie in my head. And it's gonna stick there for the whole day!!!

Crypsys, did museum security pay you a visit for touching the gorilla? lol.


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