# Bi and Married



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Question asked in another thread on another topic:



MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Chris, not to go off subject, but I noticed you said you were bi. My husband has discovered he is too. I have no issues with this and have fully supported this discovery.
> 
> Does your wife have any issues? Is she aware? As long as I know and/or am involved (present), I have no issues - but occasionally that little seed of jealousy pops up because while I can compete with a woman, its physically impossible for me to compete with a man.
> 
> Just wondering your thoughts?


My wife realizes I am bi, but because of an affair that I had. I knew I was bi in my mid-teens but it never went anywhere and was pushed back in the closet because of societal norms. I never told her over the 35 years of our marriage because until about five years ago, it never play a part in who I was.

Other than the affair, my wife does not have a problem with me being bi. She was raised in a very progressive household and has several lesbian/gay acquaintances.

I know that she has that spot in the back of her mind that she thinks she can not compete with a guy. I have vowed monogamy, I'm constantly reinforcing her trust in me and she meets my emotional and sexual needs. She can't change my bisexuality but can understand and accept it.

If you (or anyone) have more person questions that don't want out here in the public, feel free to PM me.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Thanks Chris for being honest - I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask the question, but since you had already posted it in an answer I thought it was safe.

So, based on this post, you don't "practice" your bisexuality within the confines of your marriage? 

Is it anything either of you have discussed or wondered about bringing into the relationship together?

I was not surprised when my husband came forward with this new discovery as I had always suspected it with different conversations, things that happened in the bedroom, etc. So while no surprise, I did have to adjust. I have learned to not judge and accept that he is just as confused as to why this came to the forefront at this time in his life too. 

When it did initially coime out, it became an obssessive thought for him, so to help him work through it, my intuition told me that he had to experience it or the thoughts would be overwhelming for him. So, I did what most wives WOULD NOT have done and arranged encounters for him to explore this side of his sexuality.

And surprisingly enough, I'm okay with it. I'm always present and sometimes even participate - its added a little spice and a little something more to look forward to after 25 years together - that was a surprise to me too, that I would want to participate also - guess when you age you mellow a bit!

But, as I originally said, occasionally there is that little part of me that worries that his newfound sexuality could interfere with what we have together, but thus far that hasn't happened, it just "is what it is." I discovered, through research that there are an awful lot of married men and women out there that are bi-sexual - some are upfront and their spouse's are aware and allow them to explore this side of their sexuality and some are still closeted and explore it behind their spouse's back (which I am totally against).

So thanks again for being open and honest.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Thanks Chris for being honest - I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask the question, but since you had already posted it in an answer I thought it was safe.
> 
> So, based on this post, you don't "practice" your bisexuality within the confines of your marriage?
> 
> ...


My wife and I never discussed bringing anyone sexually into our relationship. To be honest with you, I'm surprised that we are still together. She is not a forgiving person and still holds grudges against people who "wronged" her years ago. 

I figured my affair would be the same but she has grown to a point where that is not the case with me.

There's probably a 50/50 chance that if I told her I NEEDED sex with a guy she would allow it but I think she has been so accepting of me and our marriage has strengthened so much that I would not want to push it.

It sounds like you are accepting, too. Just be careful of STD's. 

Chris


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