# My husband attacked me



## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Tonight I had so much happen. My husband had nude pics on his phone that I told him to take off. He wouldn't let me see so I took his phone and went into the bedroom. He came in, Jumped on top of me and then physically held me down and fought me. I kicked and pushed my way away from him so he tried to physically hold me in the room. I got through and he got in front of me and kept pushing me into the walls trying to get me back in the room. I got past that and into my car with the phone I wanted the pictures off and he stood behind my car so I couldn't leave and called the cops. 

They got here and I told them why I had the phone and regardless that gave him no right to physically restrain me and why I wanted the phone. They treated ME like the criminal and disregarded everything I said. 

All they said was "you had his property" he is gone for the night. My lawyer has a message waiting for him but idk what to do since he's allowed back tomorrow. 

I called my parents and they will take the kids but I can't stay there. They want me to work things out with him. I am so ready to break and all alone. I don't see a way out when the cops wouldn't document my injuries and said I was too hysterical and he was so calm. I WAS ATTACKED. Then they just cared about his phone and not why I had it. 

I am so upset and depressed and alone. I don't think I can do this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Sorry you went through this. Your husband should not have gotten all that physical over a phone. Well, this happens quite often and yes you are partially at fault for what happened.

It's hard to say what you mean by "My husband attacked me". Attacking someone means intending to cause physical harm. I don't think your husband ever had that intention given how you started the whole thing yourself. I'm not sure how you got a hold of the phone, but I don't think it was in a 'nice' way.

You kicked and pushed your husband, when all you had to do to stop his physical hold on you was to give him his phone. You weren't defending yourself, you were defending your grip on the phone. There's a difference. In the law's eyes, you are a thief. You may not agree, but that's how it is.

In any case, your husband is an idiot for risking going to jail over a stupid phone, but I'm actually glad the cops didn't do the usual thing by arresting him for domestic violence. Too many men too often fall victim to this totally unfair blow. 

You are just as abusive if not more than your husband. 

Are you serious about having gone through all this over some nude photos?! Am I reading this right?!

Why? Just why?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

He jumped on top of me and I didn't say I attacked him and took his phone. I simply took it. I was laying down on my bed and he jumped on top of me. I kicked and pushed him off. He took nude pics pf me without my consent and I told him I wanted to see that they were off. Regardless, he had no right to put his hands on me. Regardless of what I had. He was sending those pics to ppl and I should not have even had to tell him to remove the pics because they shouldn't have been there in the first place. But I DID NOT ATTACK HIM. I defended myself when he was on top of me and he HAD the phone back. But thanks for telling me it's partly my fault he jumped on me and hit and pushed me. ITS NEVER OK and I ONLY wanted those pics of me gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

AFallenAngel said:


> He jumped on top of me and I didn't say I attacked him and took his phone. I simply took it. I was laying down on my bed and he jumped on top of me. I kicked and pushed him off. He took nude pics pf me without my consent and I told him I wanted to see that they were off. Regardless, he had no right to put his hands on me. Regardless of what I had. He was sending those pics to ppl and I should not have even had to tell him to remove the pics because they shouldn't have been there in the first place. But I DID NOT ATTACK HIM. I defended myself when he was on top of me and he HAD the phone back. But thanks for telling me it's partly my fault he jumped on me and hit and pushed me. ITS NEVER OK and I ONLY wanted those pics of me gone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Alright well, that's not how it sounded in your original post.

No he can't hit you. You can still pursue the matter and get a restraining order against him.

But you still can't legally erase anything off his phone. How did your husband get nude pics of you without your consent? Were you taking a shower and he just snuck up on you?

How did you get a hold of the phone after he grabbed it out of your hand in the room? It doesn't make sense. You said you ran into the car with the phone. Did he give it to you while you were punching and kicking him?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The situation was handled badly by both of you. Nevertheless your husband's reaction was way over the top and abusive. He should have calmly and respectfully asked you to give him back his phone. If you had refused then he could have called the cops to report his phone stolen by you. 

Whether its a man or a woman, physical violence never acceptable, never. As far as I'm concerned, your husband crossed the line. This is a definite deal breaker in my book.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

He set the phone down and I never saw the pics so idk how he got them. I Reread my post. Im sorry because I thought I was clear. Im not really thinking straight right now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It's possible that he uploaded them to a cloud storage site like photobucket.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I still don't know how he took nude photos of you without your consent. It's very hard to do that unless the person is asleep or in the shower or unaware of a camera being present. Which one applies to you?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Idk where they were taken and when but if they were uploaded from something, they were taken earlier but still I wasn't aware til today they existed. All I know was one was taken from behind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

OP your first post was fine and very clear. If someone is violent towards you that is on them, not you. Do not blame yourself. 

Unfortunately when the police arrive and a woman is hysterical and a man calm, a poorly trained officer will blame the abused- thinking he's so reasonable. However of course you are hysterical when someone has attacked you. 

Where do you live? Please call the domestic violence hotline in your earea, they can give you hints and tips. Please document all injuries and is there someone who can escort you to the police station tomorrow to file a complaint?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

*LittleDeer* said:


> OP your first post was fine and very clear. If someone is violent towards you that is on them, not you. Do not blame yourself.
> 
> Unfortunately when the police arrive and a woman is hysterical and a man calm, a poorly trained officer will blame the abused- thinking he's so reasonable. However of course you are hysterical when someone has attacked you.
> 
> Where do you live? Please call the domestic violence hotline in your earea, they can give you hints and tips. Please document all injuries and is there someone who can escort you to the police station tomorrow to file a complaint?


I have to go by myself. A friend took one of my girls tonight and the other one wouldn't go but she won't talk to me either. She's mad at me and HE is actually the one to call the cops
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Today I gave my written statement, had my injuries documented and photographed. He wasn't aware I was at the PD and called and told them Im involved in illegal activity and he knows cause he's monitoring my phone. Only all he has been doing was watching the caller ID. 

As for the pics, if one was taken from behind while I was getting dressed, I wouldn't have known. The second was a video and I have no clue what was on it and he could have set his phone anywhere on record.

He admitted to distributing nude pics of me without my permission or knowledge so I assume that comes with a penalty or at least I hope it does. 

He then told me I was playing dirty by filing the report (after he called and tried to get me arrested for something illegal) and promised to make it up to me via txt. 

Everything I reported, he backed up in writing or txt thinking I would delete or throw away. 

As for me taking the phone, I just took it. There was no physical contact and that actually was an agreement we had when I caught him doing these things. 

All social media and passwords are to be open on my side and his and mine has been. Phones are to be handed over upon asking which until the last time he hurt me, I did and have taken his phone before and was told to delete whatever I was uncomfortable with. He hasn't asked for my phone and I have done this several times. 

Last night he blocked me on FB and I haven't seen him since but even now he still has access to one of my twitter accts and Im sure has mutual friends watching my FB but since there is nothing to see, I don't really care. As far as I'm concerned, he's just a random person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Yeah. This one is done. Stick a fork in it and protect yourself.

I hate the crazy ones.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nitty (Jun 28, 2015)

Your husband didn't attack you, he was just trying to get his phone back. If he had nude pictures of you on his phone, then they're also on his computer and all over the internet so getting his phone won't help you at all. If he took nude pictures of you from the back, who cares you can't see who it is, no one will know it's you. If he took them from the front you would have known and you would have consented otherwise the matter would have been dealt with at the time he took the pictures, not some time later.

It's obvious you thrive on the drama and I doubt your husband is anything like the person you are trying to make him out to be, he's probably a nice guy just defending himself from a crazy wife.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well hello..


Nitty...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

AFallenAngel said:


> It wasn't recorded but the statute hasn't run out. But I don't know the guys except for a few he gave my messenger to and found out he was sending intimate pics of me to them and telling them how to approach me and what I like and don't like in the hopes I would want to be with them and my husband at the same time. Only it backfired on one and after I told him what was happening, we became online friends. He will testify as to how we met. But what good will that do my kids? I have health issues and he is the one that works and carries the ins. I've been job hunting but most jobs are now part time to avoid the insurance thanks to Obamacare.





AFallenAngel said:


> Idk where they were taken and when but if they were uploaded from something, they were taken earlier but still I wasn't aware til today they existed. All I know was one was taken from behind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You must have been aware he had some photos of you based on your prior post. They have already been distributed if he used them to pick men up that later raped you. 

I don't know how you continued to live with him after that. Sorry this has happened to you but you need to get out with your daughters.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He attacked you. You are right that it was a violent attack. Is your attorney helping you get a restraining order against him? You need one.

If he has been sneaking nude photos/videos of you and distributing them, that's pretty bad... really bad. It's illegal to take photos and videos of people in locations where they have a reasonable expectation of privacy.. like the bathroom, the bedroom, etc.

If I were you, I would never be alone with him again. Either get him restrained from the house or you leave the house.


.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. You stayed with a man that loaned you out to other men and some of them raped you?

You are in need of serious help and there should be programs in your area to get it at no cost to yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AFallenAngel said:


> *I have health issues and he is the one that works and carries the ins. I've been job hunting but most jobs are now part time to avoid the insurance thanks to Obamacare.*



If you file for divorce, you can have a stipulation that your husband has to keep you on his insurance until the divorce is find and even after divorce he has to pay for cobra until you can get on insurance. Then you apply for insurance under Obamacare. It does not matter if you have preexisting conditions. You might even be able to qualify for Medicaid.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Take charge. Your girls are being harmed by this crap as well.

You have some shaping up to do.

Dating other men while remaining married is a terrible example to your children.

Your husband truly sucks but you own your actions. Your kids need better. Become better for them at least.

You will like yourself so much better in a year or two being away from such a loser. You should probably steer clear of men for romance for some time. I don't think your judgment is where it should be and you don't have the strength of your convictions yet anyway.

Believe you can do this. Other women have, you can to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

AFallenAngel;12994682Tonight I had so much happen. My husband had nude pics on his phone that I told him to take off.
[I said:


> I called my parents and they will take the kids but I can't stay there.[/I] They want me to work things out with him. I am so ready to break and all alone.
> 
> He took nude pics pf me without my consent and I told him I wanted to see that they were off.
> 
> ...


First of all physical violence is never right, we are in agreement on that. Don't stick around. Sleep in your car if you have to but deal with this from a safe distance. Don't go back.

This brings me to another question. Why is it that your parents will let your kids stay with them and not you? That sounds kind of strange to me but I'm sure there is a reason.

What kinds of things has he been doing with his phone since you already have an agreement that you get to remove anything you are not comfortable with. If he can't be trusted then a little black nail polish over the camera lens of that phone would be a little insurance for you. However, having said that why would you stick around with a guy that is so disrespectful to you and your privacy and dignity that he takes nudies of you and distributes them.

How did you find out he was distributing these photos? Where is he distributing them to, social media, message boards, amateur porn sites? Most couples don't have a need to open phones, passwords, etc. It's just a given unless history dictates otherwise.

What did he accuse you of doing, and does he have a leg to stand on? Don't mean to be offensive with that question, just asking.

I'm not of a tweeter, but change your password. That's what passwords are for. 

The thing is nude photos and anything you put on the net will always be there. You can't throw them in the fireplace, shred them, or ever really get rid of them. You can only hope that as they age out they will drop so far below the radar they will disappear. Not trying to be harsh and I know you are extremely distressed right now and probably not thinking straight, but that is a conversation for teenagers, you are a grown woman.

Fill in some of the blanks and I know you will get some help here. Good luck! I wish you the best.


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

Sorry was up running around while writing this post so it took me a long time. Must have missed something.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Take charge. Your girls are being harmed by this crap as well.
> 
> You have some shaping up to do.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I have to meet with the DA in the morning
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> Sorry was up running around while writing this post so it took me a long time. Must have missed something.


Ok. I didn't know he took the picture and video. He had taken pictures before and I made him delete them. He had taken ads out on CL looking for group sex for me. He also wrote this down. 

Im just worn out but at the same time feel better that I am moving forward and not sitting still
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Nitty said:


> Your husband didn't attack you, he was just trying to get his phone back. If he had nude pictures of you on his phone, then they're also on his computer and all over the internet so getting his phone won't help you at all. If he took nude pictures of you from the back, who cares you can't see who it is, no one will know it's you. If he took them from the front you would have known and you would have consented otherwise the matter would have been dealt with at the time he took the pictures, not some time later.
> 
> It's obvious you thrive on the drama and I doubt your husband is anything like the person you are trying to make him out to be, he's probably a nice guy just defending himself from a crazy wife.


It's nice that you seem to know my life. If I could, I would upload the SEVEN pages of his journal. What kind of person wants this kind of drama. I am willing to bet someone who creates it themselves. IYKWIM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

AFallenAngel said:


> Ok. I didn't know he took the picture and video. He had taken pictures before and I made him delete them. He had taken ads out on CL looking for group sex for me. He also wrote this down.
> 
> Im just worn out but at the same time feel better that I am moving forward and not sitting still
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel for you he sounds like a real pervert to me. Just remember something. You are extremely pissed and disillusioned right now and I truly believe that in most all relationships that are close and sexual there is an element of addiction to one another as well as he has become a staple in your life, good or bad. You share children too. 

When the smoke clears and you start to relax, I hope you will not take him back. You are doing the hard work now, so don't backslide and find yourself here again with the same hard work in front of you and very probably the same outcome except it will be delayed. Better to move on now.

All that aside you and your kids need to stay safe.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> I feel for you he sounds like a real pervert to me. Just remember something. You are extremely pissed and disillusioned right now and I truly believe that in most all relationships that are close and sexual there is an element of addiction to one another as well as he has become a staple in your life, good or bad. You share children too.
> 
> When the smoke clears and you start to relax, I hope you will not take him back. You are doing the hard work now, so don't backslide and find yourself here again with the same hard work in front of you and very probably the same outcome except it will be delayed. Better to move on now.
> 
> All that aside you and your kids need to stay safe.


That's what Im afraid of
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

How long have you been married and has he been like that from the start?


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## Nitty (Jun 28, 2015)

Just tell me how he could have taken nude pictures of you from the front without your knowledge?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> How long have you been married and has he been like that from the start?


17 years and he had always looked at porn but it started to really take over about 10 years ago then he started getting really weird sexually and has promised to get help. But I guess that I was too afraid of what would happen if I left and I couldn't believe I was THAT person who was getting hit and other things. It's hard when you are generally a strong person to ask for help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Nitty said:


> Just tell me how he could have taken nude pictures of you from the front without your knowledge?


If you read, I said THE BACK. And I don't care if nobody kows it's me. Would you want that of your daughter? I hope not but since you sound like someone I know. I can stop here and not care about your earlier comment. I don't do trolls thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Assuming this story is true, how does a man go about physically attacking a women to retrieve his phone and yet after all is said and done, the women ends up in the car....with the phone? 

Either he can't fight at all or the woman has a substantial muscle/weight advantage.

Or the story is twisted like a pretzel!

I'm glad I'm not obligated to believe everything/anything written on the web.


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

AFallenAngel said:


> It's hard when you are generally a strong person to ask for help.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I absolutely understand. I have always had problems asking for help too. Sometimes you have to. Some things you just can't handle yourself. I have just come out of a rather sordid situation, very crazy and of my own making. I came here because like you I was scared s h i t l e s s, and was in total panic mode. And in spite of a lot of negative comments I received it helped. It really helped to just connect with people you don't know, you never will know and while some may judge you harshly they can give you valuable feedback. Some of it is total BS and obviously very slanted by their own experience, and some of it comes right from the heart. Both are valuable and worth pondering.

What about your parents? Do they know the general details of your situation? I would think they would want to help you. One of the reasons I can think of that they may not want to is maybe you have left and gone back to this idiot a few time and they have kind of washed their hands. That is a total guess and maybe way off base.

Don't be afraid to reach out to those close to you because people are basically good and want to help. You need some support from friends or family or both because if you don't get it you might fold up and go back. Ask for help, don't let this guy snow you again. It's easier to be strong with someone in your corner.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

OnTheFly said:


> Assuming this story is true, how does a man go about physically attacking a women to retrieve his phone and yet after all is said and done, the women ends up in the car....with the phone?
> 
> Either he can't fight at all or the woman has a substantial muscle/weight advantage.
> 
> ...


I shoved it down my shirt. He was holding my hands together with one hand and I slipped under his arm every time because he also tried holding me in my room and in the hallway so I couldn't get any further. When I got outside I was in front of him and he only had my arm. On top of him teaching me how to get out of holds years ago, you learn when it's a common occurrence. It probably helped that I am on morphine and wasn't feeling any pain. As well as he is over confident in his abilities and sometimes that is not a good thing. No Im not stronger or larger and I have a lot of health issues but grew up in an atmosphere where you had to know how to get away. And yes, this is true. But I don't believe everything I read either. So I get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> I absolutely understand. I have always had problems asking for help too. Sometimes you have to. Some things you just can't handle yourself. I have just come out of a rather sordid situation, very crazy and of my own making. I came here because like you I was scared s h i t l e s s, and was in total panic mode. And in spite of a lot of negative comments I received it helped. It really helped to just connect with people you don't know, you never will know and while some may judge you harshly they can give you valuable feedback. Some of it is total BS and obviously very slanted by their own experience, and some of it comes right from the heart. Both are valuable and worth pondering.
> 
> What about your parents? Do they know the general details of your situation? I would think they would want to help you. One of the reasons I can think of that they may not want to is maybe you have left and gone back to this idiot a few time and they have kind of washed their hands. That is a total guess and maybe way off base.
> 
> Don't be afraid to reach out to those close to you because people are basically good and want to help. You need some support from friends or family or both because if you don't get it you might fold up and go back. Ask for help, don't let this guy snow you again. It's easier to be strong with someone in your corner.


I actually haven't left and got back with him but my parents didn't know the extent of our relationship issues until yesterday and they don't want to see me get divorced and "ruin my kids lives" my dad was a very angry drunk and he was very abusive to my brother and I. But she stayed with him through it all and he has stopped drinking so she thinks I should do the same thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

AFallenAngel said:


> I actually haven't left and got back with him but my parents didn't know the extent of our relationship issues until yesterday and they don't want to see me get divorced and "ruin my kids lives" my dad was a very angry drunk and he was very abusive to my brother and I. But she stayed with him through it all and he has stopped drinking so she thinks I should do the same thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you should ask your Mom given the current situation if she really thinks you came through it without issues. Seems like maybe you didn't since you have been married to this abusive twisted guy for 17 years. I'm inclined to think maybe you should dump the bum so you don't "ruin your kids lives". Again, there are safety factors to be considered too. Just my opinion and I know everyone has one.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> Maybe you should ask your Mom given the current situation if she really thinks you came through it without issues. Seems like maybe you didn't since you have been married to this abusive twisted guy for 17 years. I'm inclined to think maybe you should dump the bum so you don't "ruin your kids lives". Again, there are safety factors to be considered too. Just my opinion and I know everyone has one.


Thanks cause that made me smile and I can't stop crying right now. My son is home for the weekend and I had to tell him but he showed me his Txts and my older daughter had txtd him to please come home. She's having a hard time but won't talk about anything. 

As for my mom, I know I have certain fears and quirks from the way I grew up but my dad and I are great friends but I couldn't tell either parent the extent of this because my dad would want him dead just being my dad and my mom has already grabbed him by the shirt and told him if he didn't straighten up and that was just when she found out he was cheating on me. My family is pretty Sicillian and traditional.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

AFallenAngel said:


> ...my dad and I are great friends but I couldn't tell either parent the extent of this because my dad would want him dead just being my dad and my mom has already grabbed him by the shirt and told him if he didn't straighten up and that was just when she found out he was cheating on me. My family is pretty Sicillian and traditional.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you should tell your father. Hell AFA, After what you've described, even I would want to tear your husband's limbs of and feed them to him. Have you changed your mind about divorcing him in light of the family pressure? And if so, are you doing anything to prevent another rape?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> Maybe you should tell your father. Hell AFA, After what you've described, even I would want to tear your husband's limbs of and feed them to him. Have you changed your mind about divorcing him in light of the family pressure? And if so, are you doing anything to prevent another rape?


I haven't changed my mind. I just have to make sure I don't cave to both fear and pressure. My aunt and uncle were driving by as he was getting his things escorted by a cop so naturally they did what most ppl don't and stopped while the cop was there and my husband was packing the car. I would have at least waited til they left but she asked what happened and I only told her about the cheating and his sending pics to ppl he meets on CL and she asked me if I would consider staying married if he gets help. I told her no so she re-worded the question to more like a statement and I said NO. And then my uncle told her that it seems I've made up my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

AFallenAngel said:


> Thanks cause that made me smile and I can't stop crying right now. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes you got to laugh so you don't cry.:wink2: Since you're Italian, are you Catholic? Do you think that is influencing your parents opinion. I know for devout Catholics there is a huge stigma regarding divorce. Maybe not for the younger ones but for the older ones. 

I agree with Mountain Runner. Let your dad take care of him. Haha, maybe he knows a good leg breaker who can take care of business. Just kidding!!:laugh:


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

LonelyGirl1963 said:


> Sometimes you got to laugh so you don't cry.:wink2: Since you're Italian, are you Catholic? Do you think that is influencing your parents opinion. I know for devout Catholics there is a huge stigma regarding divorce. Maybe not for the younger ones but for the older ones.
> 
> I agree with Mountain Runner. Let your dad take care of him. Haha, maybe he knows a good leg breaker who can take care of business. Just kidding!!:laugh:


lol I'm second generation and my mom and her sisters left the Catholic Church and went Lutheran. We were all raised Lutheran and my cousins and I mostly navigated to Evangelical churches. So every generation seems to go more conservative that way but no. They all left the RC church because my aunt married a man who was divorced and I guess that if they wanted to participate in the wedding, they would be excommunicated but idk. My church actually has groups for divorce support, sex addicts, celebrate recovery, and therapists that they pay the first 4 visits to. I talked to our family care pastor and told her what was happening and they offered BOTH of us counseling but he doesnt do counseling because he is a sex addict and has Aspbergers and neither can be cured so why bother? Yes that was sarcasm. He uses both as excuses for everything and says he can't help it to lie because of his parents. If I used my upbringing as an excuse, I could rationalize being a serial killer. I do believe that our upbringing plays a big part in who we are as adults but at the same time I believe that we can choose our paths. It's just not as easy as it is for more advantaged kids with those families who don't deal with abuse and addictions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyGirl1963 (Jun 24, 2015)

I agree. My Dad never laid a finger on me but was verbally very abusive. I'm an only child and I believe I suffer from separation anxiety. I take total responsibility for the choices I have made, but I think had I not suffered from the SA I would have made different choices in my life. Regardless we all have to face the music sometime, learn from our mistakes, forgive ourselves, and figure out how to forge ahead without allowing our own crazy hangups to ruin the rest of our lives and in your case your children's lives too.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

*LittleDeer* said:


> OP your first post was fine and very clear. If someone is violent towards you that is on them, not you. Do not blame yourself.
> 
> Unfortunately when the police arrive and a woman is hysterical and a man calm, a poorly trained officer will blame the abused- thinking he's so reasonable. However of course you are hysterical when someone has attacked you.
> 
> Where do you live? Please call the domestic violence hotline in your earea, they can give you hints and tips. Please document all injuries and is there someone who can escort you to the police station tomorrow to file a complaint?


I called the hotline and they are assigning me an advocate
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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

At the DA Today. No charges on DV but it's going to Sensitive Crimes. I didn't think that was a real unit because of SVU. But anyway, I feel better now that this part is over and he will come with officers to finish getting his things and I'm going to be working with an advocate and deciding on a restraining order since he is trying to tell the cops he is afraid of me and that he was defending himself against me. Lol he was defending his precious phone and his woman of the month or week or day... I never thought I would feel good again but after doing this, I feel liberated and I have a calm I haven't had in years. And since they are going to sensitive crimes with this, he could end up a registered sex offender all because he had to have his pics. What a waste of a human being. But "I have a sex addiction and Aspbergers" I've seen that excuse before..... Not an excuse to misbehave and treat a woman as an object to Fvck.... 

My kids are going to go through a witness to DV program and he will be almost totally moved out tonight
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sound like things are moving in the right direction. That's good to hear.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Sound like things are moving in the right direction. That's good to hear.


They are and he admitted that he ONLY called the cops cause I was being "extremely *****y" so he was defending himself from my *****iness, not because I battered him like he said in his statement which is going to be awesome for divorce proceedings. How could I have married someone so stupid? It's ALWAYS the ones who say they are smarter than you lol...
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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

Opps. Sorry I forgot to break up my naughty words
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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

OMG..... He actually made a cop come out so he could pick up AFTERSHAVE..... Wasted resources...
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AFallenAngel said:


> OMG..... He actually made a cop come out so he could pick up AFTERSHAVE..... Wasted resources...


Actually it was good that he had a cop come with him. 

Think of it this way. At least you knew that he was not going to loose it when he was there. 

BUT... why did he even have to go to the house to pickup aftershave? Aren't there stores near where he is staying? :wink2:

Is there a restraining order?


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Actually it was good that he had a cop come with him.
> 
> Think of it this way. At least you knew that he was not going to loose it when he was there.
> 
> ...


Restraining order will be filed. I think he wanted a reason to come back. I tried posting a couple of threads since this and they haven't posted.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AFallenAngel said:


> Restraining order will be filed. I think he wanted a reason to come back. I tried posting a couple of threads since this and they haven't posted.


Yea, he clearly was looking for a reason to get into the house and see you. Most people would have just gone to a store. How silly to bother the police for that. I sound like he is having a hard time with the boundaries you have now set. Too bad.

I'm trying to figure out about the threads...


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yea, he clearly was looking for a reason to get into the house and see you. Most people would have just gone to a store. How silly to bother the police for that. I sound like he is having a hard time with the boundaries you have now set. Too bad.
> 
> I'm trying to figure out about the threads...


It is silly. I hurt my knee today and he wanted to come wrap it. I said no. Thanks for looking into the threads
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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I hope everything works out for you.


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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I hope everything works out for you.


Thank you. I hope for that as well
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## AFallenAngel (Jun 10, 2015)

I didn't want to start a new thread because someone told me I had too many threads to follow but this relates to the incident I talked about here. 

My husband has been gone over a week now and for the most part, things have been good. 

He's gone and my house isn't so full of that tension. My girls who usually fight with eachother have actually been getting along. My health issues, mainly the chronic pain has been less, and I have been mostly happy. 

Only tonight, I'm laying in bed and every time I close my eyes, I see my husband on top of me and feel him grabbing at me and holding me down.

Idk what to do. I have a therapist but I don't really feel comfortable with her and because I have the kids 24/7, I have had a hard time getting an appt to see her because my kids always need me here for one thing or another and I don't feel very comfortable with her yet. She is new and at our last meeting, she actually told me that I wasn't being fair to my husband (before he left) because I have many online friends that I talk to on and offline and have met a few, both men and women, but I question his choices of ppl he follows on FB. 

I thought that was unfair because she knows he has not only cheated with ppl he's met online but violated me in the process by taking out ads for group sex and sending intimate photos of me to perfect strangers. Then she assumed that I hide my online activity when in reality, I always tell my husband who I'm talking to and he is always looking over my shoulder whenever he can and I don't have anything to hide so I would even show him my messages. She wouldn't let me explain.

I have had problems with ppl believing my husband was doing the things he did and after a while, I just gave up trying to get help. This therapist is the first that I have had in years. 

Anyway, I can't close my eyes tonight without last week's incident and some others running through my head. I can see them and hear everything and feel everything. 

I don't understand why tonight. It's been a good day and night. My family is now my girls and I and they seem more comfortable as well. We have been doing all the things we used to do before I started living in my room to avoid him and it feels good. 

I need to sleep but that's hard to do when you are afraid to close your eyes. Is this normal?
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