# Revelations of a Work in Progress



## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

I recognize that I am a work in progress but it's funny how distance, in the temporal sense, can give you perspective. My marriage is better than it has been (but we are working to make it better). One of my issues was a lack of sex. As I stated earlier, my wife moved to my state (and away from hers) and the transition was hard. The adjustment put stress on her and, though I am supportive, when I felt my needs weren't being met, I got angry and frustrated. We went to counseling and the counselor didn't really "help". However, while discussing this recently with my wife, we laughed because we felt like the counselor felt as if we really didn't have a problem. At the time, I was getting sex twice a week and sometimes more. But, I wanted it more than that and it seemed like pulling teeth to get it as much as I wanted. And, before we got married, I never had an issue getting sex from my then fiance'.

In retrospect, the amount of sex that I as getting wasn't bad (I was expecting the honeymoon phase of sex all of the time and that skewed by perception). Also, addressing it in the manner that I did sure as hell didn't make my wife want to have sex with me more. I am actually embarrassed at how angry it made me (though I feel that it was a human response). Through this board and actually listening to what my wife has said, I discovered that talking about relationship things don't always get results and can in fact make things worse. Yes, talking about feelings and stuff looks great in TV and in movies but not so much in real life sometimes. 

Also, letting my emotions get the best of me (i.e. getting visibly angry and yelling sometimes) about issues where I felt she wasn't doing what she needed to do didn't help either. She has been better since I tried to be better and it is a great thing. I think one of the more unattractive things a man can do is appear out of control to his wife. I was guilty of that upon occasion and I have been good about not doing that over the last several months.

I guess I just want to let the nice guys out there know that there is hope. If you can get control of yourself, you can get a handle on your marriage. I am still working on it but I feel so much better than I felt before I found this site.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

yeah, im working on some of the same things, and there have been small improvements in the marriage.......except for sexual frequency. it just doesnt improve. we do have alot of distractions but i do attempt to make her aware that we need to take care of "us" more, she will agree but she doesnt meet me halfway. her illnesses, kids schedules and various other issues all contribute to the stress and lack of time.

we have been a 2, maybe 3 times a month for years


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