# My husband was sexting a guy



## Ann092076 (6 mo ago)

Hello!!
My husband and I have been happily married (until July 2nd) for 18 years. We have 4 kids. I actively caught him sexting with a man (I’m a woman) He was saying things I have never heard him say before. He says that he was just curious and that it will never happen again. They actually had plans to meet but my husband “chickened out”. We had a fantastic sex life I just do not know where to go from her.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

This is, most likely, not his first rodeo. Sounds like he is gay and has suppressed it, or, at least, hidden it. His sexual preference is immutable. You should consider divorce.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

What would you do if he was cheating with a woman? Figure out what you’d do and do that. He’s cheating on you. Doesn’t matter who it’s with. Also, get tested for STDs, it’s unlikely there’s just one other person.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Megaforce said:


> This is, most likely, not his first rodeo. Sounds like he is gay and has suppressed it, or, at least, hidden it. His sexual preference is immutable. You should consider divorce.


 He may be gay, but may be bi.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

A MAN in our area meets with some times 1 man some times 2 around 7.30am , his wife does not know what is going on he is bi


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Gross. He's cheating - with a man or woman is irrelevant. Get yourself tested for STD's asap, and direct your rage at him hard.


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## masterofmasters (Apr 2, 2021)

he's at least bi-curious. i know i wouldn't care if my wife was into women. that's just me.

how do YOU feel about it? do you view this as cheating?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

masterofmasters said:


> he's at least bi-curious. i know i wouldn't care if my wife was into women. that's just me.
> 
> how do YOU feel about it? do you view this as cheating?


 you and your wife agree to her going out with women so that is not cheating AND you might even get a kick or turned on by it , for all I know you might be hoping your wife would bring her girl home for you to join them, 
Very different to someone cheating


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

masterofmasters said:


> he's at least bi-curious. i know i wouldn't care if my wife was into women. that's just me.
> 
> how do YOU feel about it? do you view this as cheating?


Same her.. If my ex was texting some girl naughty things, I'd say go for it, even if we were still married... I'd be divorced and in the same boat I'm in now, but it definitely would soften the blow.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The difference is that few women are turned on by the idea of their husband with another guy. There’s usually a very strong “yuck” factor involved.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Openminded said:


> The difference is that few women are turned on by the idea of their husband with another guy. There’s usually a very strong “yuck” factor involved.


It’s almost as though men only care about fidelity when it touches their ego. That there is zero emotional component to sex for men in marriage. Kinda sounds like that if they don’t care if their wife sleeps around as long as it’s not another man. Just playing devil’s advocate.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dump him. Guys wanting other men—- that never goes away and you don’t want him to give you HIV.
RUN.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

This happened to a girl I grew up with. She found out her husband was having these chats with men online. When she dug deeper, she found out he had been meeting some of these men online. Were I you, I would dig deeper.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Ann092076 Divorce. That's where you need to go.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Cheating is cheating. But this is also him hiding something important about himself from you.

Him being curious is akin to me being curious as to what another woman's ***** feels like.

Both are huge cuts to a marriage...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Him being curious…… nah
He’s banging other dudes…


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

I've heard that for married gay men, Sears is a place they go to meet same, sort of incognito. Is that true? Sears is out of business though, so what's the new place?


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I’m not sure if he is cheating with men or if he is BI-curious and get turned on doing this. Has he mentioned swinging idea to you? Like with another couple? I don’t think its unusual to be curious. In pillow chat, we have both talked about being curious now and then. It’s when fantasy becomes reality that causes trouble. You two need a long talk with each other over a pot of coffee. Ask lotsa questions.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

How did he get his number to text? There’s a lot more to his story than he’s telling you. He either knows this guy or he’s online chatting up men and they exchanged numbers. Doesn’t sound like a one-time thing, rather a very intentional progression of events.

I would say the same if he were sexting with a woman. All the lying and sneaking around that he’s been doing to even get it to this point, is what’s scary. I’m sorry OP that you’re going through this but dig a little deeper and you’ll see that you might not know your husband as well as you think.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> How did he get his number to text? There’s a lot more to his story than he’s telling you. He either knows this guy or he’s online chatting up men and they exchanged numbers. Doesn’t sound like a one-time thing, rather a very intentional progression of events.
> 
> I would say the same if he were sexting with a woman. All the lying and sneaking around that he’s been doing to even get it to this point, is what’s scary. I’m sorry OP that you’re going through this but dig a little deeper and you’ll see that you might not know your husband as well as you think.


good points. Especially about number to text. Detective work next step.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ann092076 said:


> He says that he was just curious and that it will never happen again.


I've met bisexuals who like to claim they're "bi-curious". Yeah, no. You're curious the first time. After that you're just bi." Nobody believes he was just curious or that this was the first time he's done this, so you need to wrap your head around the fact that your husband is a bisexual man, a liar, and a cheater.

Also, it WILL happen again.



Ann092076 said:


> They actually had plans to meet but my husband “chickened out”.


That's what they all say. Did the conversation you read indicate such?



Ann092076 said:


> We had a fantastic sex life I just do not know where to go from her.


Lots of bisexuals have great sex lives in monogamous relationships/marriages.The problem isn't his sexuality. It's that he lied and cheated.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> You’re not “just playing devil’s advocate”. You’re an exposed man hater and it’s easy to see right through you. You don’t have a clue to what goes on inside a man’s head. You just think you know. Your generations about men are disgusting.


Well, this is just rude! BTW, it's generalizations - if you're gong to insult someone do it right. I don't understand why* men'*s rude posts are tolerated.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's unlikely that the one time you found out was the only time this happened. He is wanting to minimise it. 
You could ask him to take a lie detector test and see what he says.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, this is just rude! BTW, it's generalizations - if you're gong to insult someone do it right. I don't understand why* men'*s rude posts are tolerated.


It’s ok to generalize men as all being emotionless man-whores who just want to get their rocks off and don’t care who with?
If a man said that you’d have lightning bolts exiting your fingers like a Sith Lord on steroids while hitting the keys .
Can we all just bash the opposite sex with impunity as usual and keep it clean?😋


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It's unlikely that the one time you found out was the only time this happened. He is wanting to minimise it.
> You could ask him to take a lie detector test and see what he says.


She could, but I mean at that point the trust is gone. This is the one point about marriage upon which we usually agree, there should be trust in marriage. The OP's husband has proven he cannot be trusted because he is unfaithful to her. 😟


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP,
Your husband likes other dudes and wants to screw them. You know this. Whatever he’s done, you now know he wants to. The question at this point are what are your consequences for his actions? 
if there are none, I believe with 100% sincerity that it will continue. And in full truth, his urge isn’t going away and it’s likely to just go further underground abd he will likely expose you to deadly diseases. You really should see an attorney.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It's unlikely that the one time you found out was the only time this happened. He is wanting to minimise it.
> You could ask him to take a lie detector test and see what he says.


Of lying he won’t take it. if not lying, may be offended and not take it.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, this is just rude! BTW, it's generalizations - if you're gong to insult someone do it right. I don't understand why* men'*s rude posts are tolerated.


Not you at all blondi, but her posts are so against men in general, she has to be called out on it. I understand she’s already been banned *several* times. I suppose there’s rude posts by both men and women, which is why recently, two threads were started by women to call this out. I don’t need to start a thread. I’ll just call it out when I see it. There are two maid culprits lately and it’s getting rather tiresome.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Of lying he won’t take it. if not lying, may be offended and not take it.


I would make it a condition of the marriage continuing. He has lost his right to demand what he wants.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Not you at all blondi, but her posts are so against men in general, she has to be called out on it. I understand she’s already been banned *several* times. I suppose there’s rude posts by both men and women, which is why recently, two threads were started by women to call this out. I don’t need to start a thread. I’ll just call it out when I see it. There are two maid culprits lately and it’s getting rather tiresome.


It's been said by quite a few men here in the past and on this thread that if their wife sexted another women or even let it go further they wouldn't mind. However if it was a man it would be different. Presumably this is because it turns them on so it's ok? 
Maybe that's why it seems that some men are very hypocritical, after all it's still cheating no matter which sex it's with.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It's been said by quite a few men here in the past and on this thread that if their wife sexted another women or even let it go further they wouldn't mind. However if it was a man it would be different. Presumably this is because it turns them on so it's ok?
> Maybe that's why it seems that some men are very hypocritical, after all it's still cheating no matter which sex it's with.


Yep. Also, if she's fooling around with another woman then the man thinks he will probably get some low-drama strange that he doesn't have to hide and not have to hear any complaining about it. Infidelity is fine as long as it's on their terms.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> It's been said by quite a few men here in the past and on this thread that if their wife sexted another women or even let it go further they wouldn't mind. However if it was a man it would be different. Presumably this is because it turns them on so it's ok?
> Maybe that's why it seems that some men are very hypocritical, after all it's still cheating no matter which sex it's with.


Personally, I wouldn’t put up with my wife sexting ANYONE, which is why @TexasMom1216 doesnt speak for me and all men. However, if all goes to plan, I’ll be lucky enough never to have a wife again.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Personally, I wouldn’t put up with my wife sexting ANYONE, which is why @TexasMom1216 doesnt speak for me and all men. However, if all goes to plan, I’ll be lucky enough never to have a wife again.


No it's not all men of course. Mr D wouldn't accept it at all either, but we have had quite a few on Tam and to me it seems completely hypocritical. Cheating is cheating.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> No it's not all men of course. Mr D wouldn't accept it at all either, but we have had quite a few on Tam and to me it seems completely hypocritical. Cheating is cheating.


Same. My husband would definitely consider it cheating, no matter who the other person is, and rightfully so. Now if you have an open marriage arrangement or some other non-committal set up and sex with others is part of your marriage dynamic, then it's different, but if you discovered your wife is fooling around with some other woman on the side I find it pretty hypocritical if that's ok but it wouldn't be if it were a man.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Ann092076 said:


> Hello!!
> My husband and I have been happily married (until July 2nd) for 18 years. We have 4 kids. I actively caught him sexting with a man (I’m a woman) He was saying things I have never heard him say before. He says that he was just curious and that it will never happen again. They actually had plans to meet but my husband “chickened out”. We had a fantastic sex life I just do not know where to go from her.


Think back Ann about when you two used to have sex. Was it really fantastic or were there some signs? Did it usually seem like he was completely present, or maybe thinking too hard? Did he go down on you often? I ask this because you can fake sex, but it's harder to fake going down on a woman if a man is gay. 

That should answer your question as to where to go from here.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Wolfman1968 said:


> He may be gay, but may be bi.


and if he is - she has a right to know who she is really married to.
He hasn’t been honest - so why should he honest in the future?

there’s no marriage when he’s been hiding this kind of info. 
your health is at risk.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> there is zero emotional component to sex for men in marriage


You‘re out of your mind on this one. What a misandrist generalization of all men. I am the precise opposite of what you’ve described.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

gr8ful1 said:


> You‘re out of your mind on this one. What a misandrist generalization of all men. I am the precise opposite of what you’ve described.


Fair. I should have put a qualifier on that, the way it's worded is a sweeping generalization when I was speaking specifically about the responses of a few posters. I get annoyed when it's done to women, so I need to do better and not do that to men. Point taken and I apologize.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Ann092076 said:


> Hello!!
> My husband and I have been happily married (until July 2nd) for 18 years. We have 4 kids. I actively caught him sexting with a man (I’m a woman) He was saying things I have never heard him say before. He says that he was just curious and that it will never happen again. They actually had plans to meet but my husband “chickened out”. We had a fantastic sex life I just do not know where to go from her.


Dont let this go, you must dig deeper. No self-respecting heterosexual male does this kind of thing, period.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

gr8ful1 said:


> You‘re out of your mind on this one. What a misandrist generalization of all men. I am the precise opposite of what you’ve described.





gr8ful1 said:


> You‘re out of your mind on this one. What a misandrist generalization of all men. I am the precise opposite of what you’ve described.


Yes, some serious misandry. Seen it a lot from a few posters.


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

i get “hit on” by men and it makes my wife incredibly turned on. I have had attention from me. All my life. Colleen says “that’s soooo hot”, so I allow it to happen, be flirted with, guys buy me drinks, even be touched a little, with my wife sitting nearby. It’s like I’m the hotwife and she gets off watching me squirm. It is kinda fun fun and naughty because of how extremely it excites my wife


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## My Monsters (Mar 13, 2021)

20+ years in when I caught my husband video sexting with a man. He said he was experimenting too. Honestly I think men that do this are either bisexual or still in the closet gay. You have to decide for yourself if you can forgive and move past it or not. It’s not easy if you decide to stay together.


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## Brian from Columbus (Dec 9, 2020)

Cheating is never acceptable. One should never betray the trust that makes your connection special

my wife and I found a compromise we both enjoy…..

im an absolutely MAGNET for gay men. Not sure why. My wife gets incredibly excited seeing men hit on me. I admitted to her that I’ve always wondered what being with a man (orally only) would be like. She was in orbit “would be so f____ hot” she said, to see me do a guy 

so,,,, 3 or 4 times a year we visit a gay bar. I have a couple drinks, Colleen sits some distance away and watches as men approach me, touch me, give me phone numbers, buy me drinks, flirt. 

after 3 hours, both she and I are incredibly turned on, and we enjoy the most passionate lovemaking ever. No men or other people involved. The public flirting, and being flirted with, with Colleen watching, was our foreplay


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Brian from Columbus said:


> Cheating is never acceptable. One should never betray the trust that makes your connection special
> 
> my wife and I found a compromise we both enjoy…..
> 
> ...


So as per your other thread, your wife cheated on you which you seem to have fetishized and now want to become a cuckold.
Now on top of that, you’re also a closet gay (or gay tendencies/curiosity), who’s never acted on it, but takes your wife out to gay bars a few times a year to watch you get hit on by men, at her urging, which turns you both on…

OK, you are either
1. In desperate need of serious psychological help (and a new wife). Your mental state and your marriage are both in complete shambles.
If this is all for real, seriously and genuinely, you need to seek some counseling.
Or
2. The kind of person who makes up salacious stories on forums like this, wasting his and everyone else’s time because he has no life and nothing better to do to entertain himself with.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Personally, I wouldn’t put up with my wife sexting ANYONE, which is why @TexasMom1216 doesnt speak for me and all men. *However, if all goes to plan, I’ll be lucky enough never to have a wife again.*


Tut tut, indulging in a little bit of female hating there, now, don't you think? Yet you call out Blondi on her posts, really!


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