# Just Gotta Vent...



## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

Hello all... I just found this site and needed to vent.... 

So, I decided to get a job for the up coming Holiday Season... With 5 kids, Christmas can get mighty expensive. I found an over night position as a stock girl at our local big box store. I work about 5 nights a week, 10pm to 6am... It is what it is, this is not my complaint. 

As seasonal help, I was scheduled for Thanksgiving night - leading into "Black Friday" - 11:45pm to 8am Black Friday morning. Knowing this, my dear husband (known to me affectionately as "Narci") and I decided to postpone our Thanksgiving celebration with my in-laws for the following Saturday. Not a big deal. So, Saturday morning, having just worked another overnight shift, I got home around 6:30 am, did laundry and went to bed for three hours... Woke up around 10 am, got myself and the kids ready for our 2 hour drive to the inlaws and happily set out on our way. We all enjoyed a very nice feast. 

Now, here is where my need to vent sets in... We stayed at the inlaws until about 8pm, knowing we had a two hour drive ahead of us, and I had to be at work again at 10pm - to start my 8 hour shift. Lucky for me, there was no traffic. But, not having time to run home and drop off "Narci" and the kids, we decided that my husband would drop me off at work and pick me up in the morning. Sounded like a plan....

Well, I got out as scheduled...6am. Walked out into the barely there Sunday morning sunrise in 35 degree weather. I quickly scanned the parking lot and... my husband was no where in sight. I grabbed my cell phone to find out how far away he was. Ring, ring, ring... no answer. Again... no answer... Called the house... no answer...My 16yr old daughters cell phone, no answer... Now, I notice I have no battery left. Great!!! I try to quickly get in as many calls as I can, hoping one of them would wake up...No luck!!! now, my phone is dead, everyone on my shift had left, and the store was now closed. WOW!!! Was I pissed!!! 

As most box stores are, this one is in a strip mall. Right next to Starbucks... I walked over in the still very dark parking lot... only to read the sign that says Sunday - open 6:30am. Just my luck! I sat out side on the freezing cold metal bench for about 20 mins... With the $8 bucks I had in my pocket, I bought a small coffee and a news paper, hoping to kill time and justify why I was sitting in the store for God knows how much longer. 

At 7:45am who decides to pick me up... I couldn't even look at him. I opened up the back door of his car and sat down, in silence, for the 25 min ride home. Not an "I'm sorry", not a "wow - I really messed this one up"....NOTHING!!!!!

Went home, went to sleep, woke up and went to work again. He still has not tried to say sorry. We haven't spoken a word to each other since Saturday night. It is now Monday evening, and I am getting more and more pissed at the total and complete disregard. How does he not even mutter the words "sorry"?!! 

Am I blowing this out of proportion or would anyone else be pissed too?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Uhh I would be on the couch indefinitely for a stunt like that and deservedly so.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

I'd be livid. I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion at all. How would he feel if you just forgot him? I think given the opportunity I'd forget him a time or two. For him to not even apologize is just disrespectful!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

RClawson said:


> Uhh I would be on the couch indefinitely for a stunt like that and deservedly so.


Yeah...hahaha...funny thing is...I'm the one sleeping on the couch!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Does your husband have a history of being a colossal horse's patoot?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Was he being passive aggressive about something?


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Reminds me of the time I accidentally locked my wife out of the house, taking the dogs on a walk while she was in just her lingerie (she had gone out to the garage for something).

Boy was she pissed when I came home an hour later from a nice long leisurely dog walk! lol


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

The first thing out of my mouth would have been an apology. That your husband has not even attempted to say anything shows a real lack of respect for you.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Yes, s**t happens, and people forget, oversleep, lose track of time ... all legitimate excuses. But a simple, "I'm sorry I messed up" would iron matters out. Hubs doesn't seem willing, or able, to apologize. Big error, IMO.


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## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

LBG said:


> I'd be livid. I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion at all. How would he feel if you just forgot him? I think given the opportunity I'd forget him a time or two. For him to not even apologize is just disrespectful!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He has done this before, where he won't apologize. In the past his excuse has been that he knew I was pissed, he didn't want to bother me more by talking to me. He thought I would rather be left alone...I don't get it though...and I have told him that many times...even if I'm still angry after he says sorry...he should still say it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

tm84 said:


> The first thing out of my mouth would have been an apology. That your husband has not even attempted to say anything shows a real lack of respect for you.


Which makes me think it's his way of getting back at her for something--- her name is a self proclaimed narcissist. So...I don't know the dynamics here.


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

Was he mad at you for something the night before? Or mad that you had thanksgiving on Sat.?

Trust me, you are doing him no favors by giving HIM the silent treatment. Ask him point blank, why were you late? Don't go on and on and on as it will just go out one ear. Just ask that simple question.

I would have my ass torn apart if I did that to my wife and sorry would be a nano-second after she opened the car door to get in.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's just crappy behaviour to do that...whether to a spouse or friend or whatever.

"Sorry" would be the first thing out of my mouth no matter who I forgot!


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## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

Narci is the name I call him. We went to a marriage counselor years ago. They said he was not a "true" narcissist by definition, but that he definitely has narcissistic tendencies.

Celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday was not an issue to him. It actually worked out better that way because his sister and brother in-law were able to join us too. They had had plans at his brother in-laws parents on Thanksgiving.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

ohhh Well that paints a different picture. Does he do these things often? Sounds like a control issue.


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## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

Nothing to this extent. I wouldn't say a control issue. Just not caring... Inconsiderate - to say the least.
He thinks him going out to work is all he needs to do to show he cares. I have told him if all he wants to be to me and the kids is a paycheck, we don't have to be married for that to happen.


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## Narci the Narcissist (Nov 28, 2011)

teahead said:


> Was he mad at you for something the night before? Or mad that you had thanksgiving on Sat.?
> 
> Trust me, you are doing him no favors by giving HIM the silent treatment. Ask him point blank, why were you late? Don't go on and on and on as it will just go out one ear. Just ask that simple question.
> 
> I would have my ass torn apart if I did that to my wife and sorry would be a nano-second after she opened the car door to get in.


If I asked him that simple question, I would get a simple response...I would get "I overslept, what do you want me to do?". And that would piss me off even more.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Maybe a timeout by you may be in order. Pack up the kids and go. If that did not raise his flag then I would think there is no hope for this cat.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Noooo actually this sounds a lot like conflict avoidance.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Narci the Narcissist said:


> He has done this before, where he won't apologize. In the past his excuse has been that he knew I was pissed, he didn't want to bother me more by talking to me. He thought I would rather be left alone_Posted via Mobile Device_


This is bullsh!t. He is not talking about it for HIS benefit, not yours. He doesn't want to deal with the consequences and you are not holding him accountable in any way.

If he is a true narcissist, he is not going to change. Those folks are not capable of change. 

You can choose to keep giving, giving, giving, to a man who just takes, takes, takes....but until YOU change, nothing is going to change. He is treating you the way you are allowing him to.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> This is bullsh!t. He is not talking about it for HIS benefit, not yours. He doesn't want to deal with the consequences and you are not holding him accountable in any way.
> 
> If he is a true narcissist, he is not going to change. Those folks are not capable of change.
> 
> You can choose to keep giving, giving, giving, to a man who just takes, takes, takes....but until YOU change, nothing is going to change. He is treating you the way you are allowing him to.


I tend to agree with this, you know for next time not to rely on him... for this time yeah you definitely have a right to be upset and angry at him, but what are you going to do differently next time you need to depend on him for something? You can either decouple somewhat and just be more independent, or you can enforce your boundaries by following through with consequences - both are no easy task, but the "fool me once" saying seems to apply here.


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