# Men Giving Affection



## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

were going thru "in house separation"... i battle to not seem sad and try to keep upbeat.. and she seems perfectly fine.. its all so confusing.. i dont even want to be around her for the first time EVER. at least in this mode of confusion/HELL.

ive been putting in heavy work on myself for the last 6 weeks... sometimes just feel like it wont ever end... 


any males out there never get an " i love you from your parents"

just thinking back... no wonder I had a hard time being affectionate with wife...not blaming my parents for everything .. they were good people but dam.. thats not normal.. no hugs and no i love yous... wait i do remember my mon told me one time when i was like 12.

i realized that what i consider over the top affection on a daily basis is what wife considers normal.. what i consider normal she considers barely anything at all..

so its my fault I get it...but is it totally? look how i was raised..


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

My parents have never told me they love me... ever.

I tell my kids everyday.. I used to tell my H everyday. I felt more of a need to show and tell them because I know how it feels to not be shown or told. My parents, i guess, showed me through money. Which is also not good, they thought things=love.


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## in the dust (Jun 8, 2011)

socal04 said:


> were going thru "in house separation"... i battle to not seem sad and try to keep upbeat.. and she seems perfectly fine.. its all so confusing.. i dont even want to be around her for the first time EVER. at least in this mode of confusion/HELL.
> 
> I completely understand what you are going through. My wife and I are separated for the exact same reason. . . that and she is well educated and a communicator. I'm just the laid back guy that would rather sit back and watch some TV than go to a play or stuff like that.
> 
> ...


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

I'm a woman but I've been searching for that missing affection issue inside of me (husband complained about me not being touchy feely) and I blame my parent too. Atleast my mother who raised me. No hugs, no kisses, no I love you's EVER, very negative person then and NOW. Only one I love you, when I was 13, I remember she said it before she flew away on a business trip. That's it. I'm 34 almost 35 now. I'm not conditioned to be affectionate. I show love thru cooking, cleaning, taking care of others. I try to tell my kids I love them all the time to break the cycle though and so I atleast learned as a parent what not to do with my own kids.


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

Me too, I never got an "I love you" until I was about to go overseas by myself at 18. No hugs or kisses either from parents, therefore I also find it difficult to give affection.

Hope you dont mind a female answering as well socal04, but I understand how this lack of affection from parents affects us as adults.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

It's so sad but you have the ability to turn all of that aroundwith your kids. From what I read on your posts, your kids will never say when they are 35 that their mother or father never hugged and loved there kids. Great for you guys. You are nurturing your kids to be loving giving people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Until I was about 7 or 8 years old my parents gave me a kiss on the lips every night (family tradition) and said I love you... then I started getting embarrased and asked them to stop (my younger brother followed my lead), and they never expressed that kind of affection again. Later in life I really came to miss it and realize something was off when I saw how my friends families were so open with the expressions of love, though I have one friend whose family is the same way.

After I moved away for university I can't count how many times I wished my parents would tell me but never did, and I wanted to but it was just so out of my comfort zone. I never doubted their love but it sure would have made a difference to hear it. However I have always been very vocal about it with my wife and son, I guess I vowed to never let them feel like I did so many times.

Since my wife checked out a couple months ago I just decided to start telling my parents every time I have the chance and they seem genuinely happy and proper to reciprocate, so I am really happy that I was able to break so many years of ice.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

My parents were not affectionate either, andI think now I'm trying to make up for it.

Being affectionate is a choice. It costs you absolutely nothing and should feel good, and I believe is a requirement for a healthy relationship.

In fact I have read studies that the more affectionate and attentive couples are to one another the stronger the relationship, and that makes sense.

You can't go blaming your child hood for decisions you make as an adult. If you really want to be affectionate you will be, other wise you won't, but your wife may well decide eventually that she needs more, and that is understandable.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I was raised in a loving family. Both mom and dad both told me often they loved me. Mom was the primary affectionate one, but dad always had a hug available. Im 39 now, and still tell my dad and mom that I love them, and they respond in kind.
I married a woman that was NOT affectionate or demonstrative or vocal about it. Early on maybe, to sink in the claws, but after 16 years she turned into a "purchaser". 
Now she buys everything on the kids birthday lists and christmas lists, yet, that child always comes to me for the huggies.
Moms too busy on facebook chatting with her loverboy.
But not for long!!! Woo hoo cant wait to be FREEEEEE....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I crave affection. I crave touch. I was almost completely ignored as a child. Abandoned really. Even my birth certificate is blank. No name. I can't honestly remember so much as being spoken to. I'm sure I was but I can't recall. I do not believe I was ever touched by my parents, as a child. My kids were babies I would carry them everywhere and kiss them in public and embarrass the crap out of them.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

onceagain said:


> I'm a woman but I've been searching for that missing affection issue inside of me (husband complained about me not being touchy feely) and I blame my parent too. Atleast my mother who raised me. No hugs, no kisses, no I love you's EVER, very negative person then and NOW. Only one I love you, when I was 13, I remember she said it before she flew away on a business trip. That's it. I'm 34 almost 35 now. I'm not conditioned to be affectionate. I show love thru cooking, cleaning, taking care of others. I try to tell my kids I love them all the time to break the cycle though and so I atleast learned as a parent what not to do with my own kids.



I feel you on the above.. im trying to make a concious decision to be more affectionate.. startting with hugs


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