# Update six months after leaving husband



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

First of all, I came here tonight primarily to thank everybody here who sympathised with me and gave me advice and encouragement when I felt at my lowest ebb. This was a really important practical and emotional resource for me when I felt stuck in my marriage and I really do appreciate everybody's input and well wishes.

Now for a quick update. I left my marriage 6 months ago and have not once regretted it. I'm happier, healthier, financially better off and doing my own thing. I love my life now as a single woman and am so glad that I left the marriage.

I've begun a great friendship with a man I've known for quite some time whose marriage has also ended. As yet, his wife has been unable to leave the marital home but she now has a date when she can move out (and away from this area). This man was a good friend and support to me when I was stuck in my marriage and I've tried to be the same for him. Since he's had a firm date from his wife for when she leaves and they've sorted out division of property, he's seemed a lot happier and our friendship has developed slowly but steadily. I'm really enjoying that at the moment - not really speculating on what the future will hold and whether the friendship will turn into anything other than a platonic friendship - that's not particularly important to me right now. I value the friendship for what it is.

I've been having a brilliant time going out solo again, meeting people, dancing, doing what I want, talking to whomever I wish - it really has all been fun. I also spent 6 weeks staying with my family in the UK over Christmas which replenished my batteries. I'm practising yoga daily, getting fitter, creating a new garden in my new home and thoroughly enjoying my single life despite the fact that I'm in my mid fifties. I'ts never too late to leave and I would prefer to spend my later life happy and at peace with myself than compromising so that I can have a man in my life. That said, I am open to new relationships, just not desperate. I feel as if I've reclaimed myself and reclaimed my life.

Once again, folks, my sincere thanks for all your help and support and I really do wish each and every one of you can find the happiness that I've regained in life.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

All the best to you doobie


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I'm so happy to hear that you are out from under the dark cloud. Congratulations again!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Read a book on grieving. While you say you are happy and I am sure you are, you probably are still adjusting to the changes. Stay focused on your future. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Enjoy doing things you couldn't do when you were married.

Good luck.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Great news, Doobie, and I'm so glad you came back to give us an update.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I love your username


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

Happy for you Doobie!!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

@doobie, so glad to hear from you and that you are doing well. I was thinking of you recently, wondering how you are. I am so happy for you. You are making a home for yourself, the flower garden sounds wonderful. I wish you well sister. May you continue to live life to the fullest and all your days be happy.

God's blessing upon you.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> Read a book on grieving. While you say you are happy and I am sure you are, you probably are still adjusting to the changes. Stay focused on your future. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Enjoy doing things you couldn't do when you were married.
> 
> Good luck.


No need to grieve - I spent most of my marriage grieving the loss of ME. Now I've reclaimed myself and my life and I couldn't be happier. I adjust quickly (always have) and don't look back. I choose happiness on a daily basis - which I also did during my marriage which was how I coped with it without it damaging me too badly.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

doobie said:


> No need to grieve - I spent most of my marriage grieving the loss of ME. Now I've reclaimed myself and my life and I couldn't be happier. I adjust quickly (always have) and don't look back. I choose happiness on a daily basis - which I also did during my marriage which was how I coped with it without it damaging me too badly.


 @doobie 

While you may say you don't need to grieve, I'd recommend some "angle grinder therapy!" This is where you buy yourself a cheap angle grinder at the hardware store, some ear muffs, and it is OK to wear eye protection, THEN find something that reminds you of your old life and chop it up into pieces! Or better yet, grab someone's bike and go for a joyride!











Cheers,
Badsanta


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

badsanta said:


> @doobie
> 
> While you may say you don't need to grieve, I'd recommend some "angle grinder therapy!" This is where you buy yourself a cheap angle grinder at the hardware store, some ear muffs, and it is OK to wear eye protection, THEN find something that reminds you of your old life and chop it up into pieces! Or better yet, grab someone's bike and go for a joyride!
> 
> ...


No need for therapy either, Bad Santa. The best therapy of all is happiness and I am happy. I did buy myself a new little rotary multi tool recently that I'm looking forward to using, but I'll be using it to make stuff rather than break stuff  . Also, I'm having to create a new garden in my new place - I find gardening immensely therapeutic - I really lose myself in it. I don't actually have a garden here (just balconies on both floors) so I'm creating lots of mini gardens in pots and containers. Also, my new place is in the old part of my village on a little cobbled street and there are loads of derelict properties around. There's a derelict house next door with a small plot of land that adjoins my balcony, so I'm guerrilla gardening that. It was covered in rubbish when I got here so I cleared all that and started chucking in plants I dug up and brought from my old garden. It's just starting to take shape and look good now.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi doobie, I'm glad to hear you've ended that relationship, and are enjoying your new life and are much happier for it.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm so glad you're doing well! 

My advice is to stay away from this guy until HE has lived totally alone for at least 6 months. Remember that you are "further ahead" in your healing process than him. If you value and cherish the relationship, you will keep your goal one of learning to heal by YOURSELF so that you will be a better, stronger person for when you are fully ready to let another into your life.

He must go through the same process as you. What often brings people together (pain, recovery, etc), doesn't last when that reason is no more.

I also think you should wait until divorce is final for you both, but I'm sure others will disagree with me. My view on that is less emotional and more psychological and strategic. 

At the end of the day, you must do what you think is right. I wish you all the best!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

doobie said:


> No need to grieve - I spent most of my marriage grieving the loss of ME. Now I've reclaimed myself and my life and I couldn't be happier. I adjust quickly (always have) and don't look back. I choose happiness on a daily basis - which I also did during my marriage which was how I coped with it without it damaging me too badly.


Doobie, I appreciate your attitude. It was precisely mine as well. I'd grieved greatly for the last year or so of my marriage, then pushed a happiness agenda when I left. I ended up in the ER 7 months after I had left, from severe alcohol poisoning. I almost didn't make it. I had NO suicidal or negative thoughts, yet clearly something wasn't right. The problem (I am pretty sure) was I had resisted grieving and getting truly mad after the fact. 

I'm not trying to be negative or scare you, I'm just sharing my own similar experience. There will likely come a time when you will grieve. Allow it if/when it comes. Hopefully you will not experience what I did. I can't adequately express my feelings on the event. It was a moving time for me.


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