# I love my wife, but...



## lovemywife00 (Jan 17, 2011)

But we are having problems in our marriage.

As alot of people experience, we seem to be blaming each other for the problems.

We had a situation today, and I'd like to get people's thoughts.

I was getting some food ready for my lunch. While I was doing this, my wife started talking to me. I didn't hear what she said so I asked her to repeat it.

I asked her a couple more times, and she never answered me. She got angry at me because I didn't hear her or at least that is how I felt.

I feel like this sort of thing happens, and it really bothers me. She gets mad at me without any justification. 

It is a hot button for me actually. So, I got angry because I asked to tell me a few times after I could hear her but she just ignored me. She could have said I'm waiting until you are ready to hear me, but no. She just sat there and didn't say a word.

So, I got upset and said f this and walked away.

I know I didn't respond well, but it just upsets me sooo much that she thinks it's ok to get mad at me because I didn't hear her while I was getting my food ready.

It just get's my blood boiling.

So, we start talking about it and she makes it all about me and that I started a fight and so forth. Yes, I got angry but I feel like she started it by getting mad at me for no reason whatsoever.

I will say this... It is hot button for me because I feel like it happens too much.

I know I shouldn't yell and cuss. I know my reaction is wrong. It's just so hard for me when I felt so unjustly treated. I felt like she had no right to get mad at me, but yet she does and then she just ignores me. Drives me crazy.

Am I crazy?

Thanks!


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## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

I've been through this a few too many times.

I suspect that your wife feels she should have had your full attention when she was talking and upon realizing that she didn't, she felt ignored and you asking her to repeat herself proved it to her. She then decides that you must not have cared or you would have paid attention in the first place so you don't really want to know what she said anyway.

I'm not justifying her actions or thought patterns, rather trying to explain them. The quickest resolution is to validate her feelings and explain that you did not intentionally mean to ignore her but you were doing two things at once and honestly didn't hear her. This is hard to do when you're angry yourself, but it is the quickest solution I've found.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Based on your description, it seems like she overreacted but there could be some history. 

If she does this again, if she stops speaking to you keep making your sandwich and maintain a pleasant demeanor.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Both of you were unwilling to compromise or apologise. 
Constant fighting will probably cause a drop in sexual life as well.
When she's picking up a fight, the best strategy is?
1. Calm her down, say some jokes and make her smile.
Or
1. Fight back and get mad at her as well.
It's your marriage, so it's your decision.
She's your wife, so you decide how to treat her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You both may need hearing aids
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

1. First advice, do NOT let your woman have so much influence on your emotions.

Yourself, be as calm, confident, in control of yourself as possible at all times.

If your woman is happy, playful, loving, sexual, be calm, confident, in control of yourself.

If your woman is nagging, antagonistic, illogical, left-field, "looking for a fight", regardless, be calm, confident, in control of yourself.

To become in control of yourself, this will solve much of what you are struggling with now. Your woman, she is craving to see this from you.


2. Look on this forum for "fitness test", and even look on google for "sh!t test". Study these, learn these, become a master of both recognizing, passing, and turning these back to your woman. 

I wish you well.


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## lovemywife00 (Jan 17, 2011)

There is one thing that I wasn't clear on. The reason I didn't understand my wife was because I was getting a plate for my food, which made a lot of noise. It wasn't that I just wasn't paying attention. I couldn't understand what she was saying because of the noise from the plates.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I have been losing my hearing for sometime now (because of shooting rifles and pistols for years without proper ear protection)

now when I'm in a place where there is background noise I find it diffacult to to hear.

now I have explained it to my wife that she needs to be aware that I am having this problem and if she wants me to hear her she should first get my attention and be in the same room with me.I can no longer hear her from 3 rooms away no matter how loud she is. 

I know I know get a hearing aid. well I went to the doctor and he said your on the verg of needing one you might want to wait because they are not cheap!!

so even a little hearing loss can be problematic.


wear your hearing protetion 

at concerts,shooting weapons,running a chain saw, even long exposure to noises that don't seem loud can effect your hearing.

I make my boys wear double hearing protection when shooting.

I can hear a mouse fart at 100 yrds when hunting but put me in a room full of people at a party and it just jumbles together.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

This happens to me a lot - I can't hear what my H is saying over some background noise, or he's turned away from me, or speaking in a low voice. We joke about it a lot and play a version of "Telephone" where I say what I thought I heard him say - it's usually always pretty funny and we laugh. Then he repeats what he actually said and we get on with it.

But if that won't work in your situation, I'd try something like this: if you hear her speak but can't understand or didn't hear the whole thing, in a calm, pleasant voice, tell her you can't hear what she said just then but you'll be right there after you've finished X, or noise Y is finished. Then, follow through and looking her in the eye, say, "I'm sorry I couldn't hear what you were saying. Would you please repeat it? " And give her your full attention. 

The difference between this and what you did is that you're giving her your full attention and there isn't anything distracting you (noise, activity, etc), and she knows she has your attention.

My H and I have made a point of not yelling across the house to each other (or to our son). It's not polite and just because you yell, it doesn't mean you have the recipient's attention when you speak. We get up and walk to the room where the other person is before speaking. Sometimes it's a pain but it's worth it.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

If it's a one time thing, It sounds like overreacting to me, but as one person mentioned, I don't know the history. Do you have a hearing problem as some others here have mentioned? Does she know this? Do you ignore her regularly? Do you have other issues and things like this just seem to be a good excuse to release frustration?


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

If you didn't hear your wife, don't say, "I didn't hear you, can you repeat that?" Try to remember what you thought she said so for instance if she said, "We need to pay the bills today." And you didn't here that, you could say, "Did you say Bill was coming over today? Who's Bill?"

I do that to my husband when he's talking and there's a lot of noise. We just laugh about it. I sometimes do that to the kids when they have the TV on full blast and try to talk to me at the same time.


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