# My fiance of 8-months does not have sex with me



## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

My fiancé doesn’t have sex with me. We have eight months of living together and my fiancé has not once initiated to have sex. At first he told me that it would be best if we wait to have sex after the wedding so that we can practice delayed gratification and being that I am so pleasing I didn’t budge. After exactly 7 months without any sex or any intimacy not even kissing involved I couldn’t take it anymore and shared this information with my friend. My friend thinks that he is cheating on me and that it is a big problem. Long story short, I became suspicious and decided to check his personal emails. I was shocked to find out that he has been in contact with numerous girls exchanging sexual conversations. The conversations were very perverted. I forwarded all the emails I found and printed them all out. I confronted my fiancé and he would swear that he is been very truthful to me. When I showed him the emails he crumbled the first one. I had more to show him and he said please stop. He couldn’t explain himself and decided to take off so that he can explain it to me once he thought it thru. We are now going thru therapy and his explanation about the whole situation is that he has an addiction developed when he was in the army and that the emails are simply fantasy nothing physical involved. He claims he feels relieved that the issue has been open and he is willing to earn my trust back by getting rid of this old habit. We are now having sex and have been intimate but I am very broken and don’t feel as strong about our relationship. Our wedding is in 6 months. 
Explanations he gave about not having sex for 7-months.
-The house is too small and the parents can hear us
-He is has been too stressed out and can’t perform as he normally would
Solutions he gave are to try and have sex when the parents are not in the house and go to a hotel every now and then.
I am very confused and feel that I can’t trust him even though he comes off as innocent. 
Any feedback is greatly appreciated.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I would not marry someone like this until there is a long period of excellent behavior. Don't get married until you see proof in his behavior that he has reformed!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Who's parents are you living with? He's getting something out of his relationship with you and it's not sex and it's apparently not love. It's pretty obvious he's interested in other women, so he's not gay. What was his financial situation like before he met you and what is it like now?


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Who's parents are you living with? He's getting something out of his relationship with you and it's not sex and it's apparently not love. It's pretty obvious he's interested in other women, so he's not gay. What was his financial situation like before he met you and what is it like now?



His parent's house. He lived a very expensive life style with all the money he made from army. His parents have a restaurant business and have supported him financialy whenever he needed. Even the ring he bought me was supported by his parents. He's now trying to finish school on his last semester and has plans to start his masters right after. His financial status has changed being that he hasn't saved any money and now feels there is a huge catch up stage. He thinks that we can live with his parents until he is done with his masters.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Run Forest Run!!!!!!!

Sorry but get out and quick...


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

What addiction did he develop? And how did he cure it so quickly after you confronting him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No way in hell would I marry someone like this.

The no sex thing....ok...but no affection? 

hell no.

Move out.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Do you have any reliable information about his military service (something official, not the stories he's told you)?


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

RUN.

1. He is supported by his parents... how much bigger of a turn-off can you get? I know things happen in life and parents are needed, but it sounds like he has never had motivation to NOT be supported by them.
2. He is cheating. This will not change.
3. He is withholding. This will not change.
4. He never wants anything to be his responsibility.

Consider yourself lucky you have seen this 6 months before you got married. *Run for your life.*


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Do you have any reliable information about his military service (something official, not the stories he's told you)?



I am not sure what you mean by reliable? He was in special forces for 5 years and has many pictures while he was in Iraq.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I agree with others, don't stay. Sex drive isn't something that improves with age for men... it declines. If you're not happy now, just wait until after your married and more years have rolled by.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Something isn't right. The guy you described ran and lied when confronted with just a smidge of confrontation. That's not an SF soldier. SF troops stay deployed most of the time and they typically amass quite a bit of money because they aren't anywhere to spend it. They are trained to handle incredible stress, to be decisive, resilient, and self-reliant. They make major things happen in austere environments with nothing but their initiative. They are utterly reliable. That doesn't sound like the guy you described. Your's is afraid his parents will hear him having sex with a woman he's living with? Your's flees because he can't handle a confrontation with his fiance'? Traumatic brain injury? PTSD? I don't know what's up, but something doesn't add up.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Something isn't right. The guy you described ran and lied when confronted with just a smidge of confrontation. That's not an SF soldier. SF troops stay deployed most of the time and they typically amass quite a bit of money because they aren't anywhere to spend it. They are trained to handle incredible stress, to be decisive, resilient, and self-reliant. They make major things happen in austere environments with nothing but their initiative. They are utterly reliable. That doesn't sound like the guy you described. Your's is afraid his parents will hear him having sex with a woman he's living with? Your's flees because he can't handle a confrontation with his fiance'? Traumatic brain injury? PTSD? I don't know what's up, but something doesn't add up.


+1:iagree:

He doesn't sound like any SF soldier I ever met.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Something isn't right. The guy you described ran and lied when confronted with just a smidge of confrontation. That's not an SF soldier. SF troops stay deployed most of the time and they typically amass quite a bit of money because they aren't anywhere to spend it. They are trained to handle incredible stress, to be decisive, resilient, and self-reliant. They make major things happen in austere environments with nothing but their initiative. They are utterly reliable. That doesn't sound like the guy you described. Your's is afraid his parents will hear him having sex with a woman he's living with? Your's flees because he can't handle a confrontation with his fiance'? Traumatic brain injury? PTSD? I don't know what's up, but something doesn't add up.


The guy comes off as a very strong man with a type A personality. Ever since we have been living together I see nothing more than a little boy who's always looking for support from either his parents or his older sister. It could be PTSD becuse things for sure do not add up. I don't know what his deal is but he is assured that he loves me and there is a deep soul connection between us. Ever since i found his fantasy emails i can't look at him the same way and now I can't put up with any of his non sense. I relocated from another state just for him, left my family and friends and left my job of four years. Now, that I live in the new state with no one but my mystery fiance and a new job of two months it's making life very difficult. We both come from the same culture backround and thought that it would help us in long run. But now IDK, the guy is a complete new person from the way he presented himself.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Don't take this the wrong way,but could he be having a sexual identity crisis? Sorry for your situation.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

Sawney Beane said:


> +1:iagree:
> 
> He doesn't sound like any SF soldier I ever met.


He was a Special Forces Weapons Sgt.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Something isn't right. The guy you described ran and lied when confronted with just a smidge of confrontation. That's not an SF soldier. SF troops stay deployed most of the time and they typically amass quite a bit of money because they aren't anywhere to spend it. They are trained to handle incredible stress, to be decisive, resilient, and self-reliant. They make major things happen in austere environments with nothing but their initiative. They are utterly reliable. That doesn't sound like the guy you described. Your's is afraid his parents will hear him having sex with a woman he's living with? Your's flees because he can't handle a confrontation with his fiance'? Traumatic brain injury? PTSD? I don't know what's up, but something doesn't add up.


I forgot to mention that he is a die hard online poker player. That may explain some of the financial issue.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

TBT said:


> Don't take this the wrong way,but could he be having a sexual identity crisis? Sorry for your situation.



Sexual identity crisis? Do you mean he might like man? I know he likes anal sex and sexual toys and has used them...enjoys talking about it with his fantasy girls. In one of fantasy emails he talks about how his bombshell girlfriend liked having more than one guy in bed at the same time and I think he was in that same game too bc he was suggesting it to his fantasy girl. 

When I confronted him about his fantasy perverted talks, I said to him that if he wants to try those fantasies with me being that i am his fiancé and has nothing to be afraid off he can. He said that he respects me and doesn't see me that way.
IDK.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

deti said:


> He was a Special Forces Weapons Sgt.


With the greatest respect, someone who is indecisive, requires the psychological support of a parent or sibling, and has red flags as a compulsive gambler does NOT sound like SF material. Certainly in the British Army he would have been weeded out long before even pre-selection training for any of the SF units.

If he WAS SF, then something has happened to profoundly change him. Something that can cause so profound a change may well not have been a good thing, and it may very well be beyond his (and by extension your) ability to manage / overcome without professional help.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

This seems like a no-brainer to me.

it's too early in the relationship to be dealing with this and become involved in the risk and herculean effort to find out if this relationship is fixable.

Neither his behaviour or his explanation make any sense at all to me. I can't understand no sex at all even under those circumstances. There is something else going on here that will resurface later.

Pick up the pieces and run. It shouldn't be this much work so early.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

Thank you for your helpful insight. It's been very rough 2 weeks and just didn’t want to make a compulsive decision. I have made the situation visible to his parents and my family the same day I confronted him. His parents have no control over the situation and told me that it is something we need to solve but I just feel that this is something that has no solution even with professional help. It’s a shame that it has to go down this way; lying to his parents and lying to his own self that he wants to settle down and start a family. My gut feeling knows the right answer and it’s in sync with your feedback. I don’t see a future with him, nor do I see him as a supportive partner. I am just waiting things out for a few more weeks and make the final decision official. Thank you all for your honest thoughts. This site is great!


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Who's parents are you living with? He's getting something out of his relationship with you and it's not sex and it's apparently not love. It's pretty obvious he's interested in other women, so he's not gay. What was his financial situation like before he met you and what is it like now?


I am in the financial industry and have a steady paycheck job. He is constantly telling me how we should open a bank account and start putting money out of my check there to build a credit repution for down the road when we buy a house. Yet, he doesn't work nor does he plan to work till he is done with his masters. Being that he lives at his parents house and has no shame about it.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, deti, what would be your reasons for wanting to stay with him and wanting to get married?

Go work through SimplyAmorous' compatibility before marriage thread together and see where you two really stand:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/40768-ultimate-links-thread-compatibility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html

Best wishes.


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## deti (Apr 15, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> So, deti, what would be your reasons for wanting to stay with him and wanting to get married?
> 
> Go work through SimplyAmorous' compatibility before marriage thread together and see where you two really stand:
> 
> ...


At this moment, I don't really know any good reasons for marrying him. When we first met, it felt as we have a lot in common. We shared many common views; we both came off as family oriented, intelligent, travelers, achievers, etc. Now, after living together I feel a big disconnect. I no longer see those qualities. He is very dedicated to his goals and his school work but at the same time, this fantasy issue I discovered has created a very blurry view of everything else. 
Thank you for the thread.


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