# Father-in-law causing problems



## anon212 (May 27, 2017)

My father-in-law keeps spending money out of my husband’s account and this is putting more and more financial responsibilities on my shoulders. It is stressing me out and whenever I try to discuss this with my husband he feels like he must choose between his father and me so he refuses to talk about it. The entire situation is typed below. 

This is an account my husband has had since he was still living with his father, so his fathers IS listed as an authorized user. His father often uses the debit card he has that is connected to my husband’s account. He uses the card for things like gas, groceries, bars, eating out, and entertainment. His father DOES make his own money, but he often only stays at one place of employment for a few months before he gets bored or they don’t give him days off he wanted before quitting. He still has income when he is unemployed as he does get disability through the VA as he was medically discharged from the military. He obviously does not know how to budget his own money. I have received multiple calls from the bank he got his truck loan through and another random bank since he apparently used me as a reference. The first time I told him about the call he told me to block their number and not to worry about it. 

Now, my husband feels like he is obligated to financially help his father. This is problematic because we are moving soon and have been trying to save up, but every time he gets a good chunk of money saved up his father spends it! The first time we discussed this my husband talked to his father and asked him only to use the card in case of emergencies. His father continued to use this card and my husband got angry and refused to speak with him for a few months all the while his father was continuing to spend. Several months later here we are and the only savings we have is what I have managed to put away (my husband makes almost 3 times the amount that I do) by taking on more and more hours all while I am trying to take college classes. 

The last time I refused to let the subject go until my husband and I came to a compromise: his father could have a $200 budget each month. That is something that we can afford and my husband can still help him out somewhat. His father agreed to this as well. Unfortunately, this is the first month of this budget and he has already spent over $600. My husband talked to his father and he told him he would pay him back on the first, but he has promised this before and never actually pays him back. I’m at a loss for what to do, but I am tired of taking on more financial responsibilities when I make a lot less money than my husband.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband could easily control his father's spending by not putting all his money in the account that his father has access to. All you husband needs to do it to open another account in his name only. Then your husband can deposit into the account with his father, only the $200 a month for his father if that's the budget.

But your husband needs to be careful because his could run up a much of overdrafts. And since your husband's name in on the account, he will need to come up with the money to cover the overdrafts. And it goes further than that. If your husband does not cover them, the bank would come looking for you to pay the overdrafts because you are legally responsible for any debts your husband has.

Does your FIL earn enough from the VA to live on? If he has 100% disability he probably does if he was frugal.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

It's time your father in law supported himself. Break off from that account or close it. Soon he will be better at budgeting.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I was thinking the same thing, husband could limit how much he puts in the account.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Ummmm ... why don't you UN-authorize him?

Or if you do as EleGirl suggests, don't allow overdrafts. 




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## anon212 (May 27, 2017)

My FIL does make enough money to live, but he likes to do fun stuff and spend money. He has actually caused the account to be overdrafted and my husband paid the fees without even saying anything to him. 

I can't do anything to the account because I am not an authorized user. This was absolutely my call because when we got married a few years ago I was unwilling to combine our finances as my husband didn't know how to budget. He has gotten so much better so we have been talking about combining the accounts, but we just haven't gotten around to it. 

My husband won't remove him from the account because he doesn't care if he spends money. He only ever said anything to him because it bothers me. Honestly while my father-in-law is causing this disagreement, it is really putting a lot of strain on our marriage because my husband is unwilling to take action. The one time I heard him talking with his dad about the situation, he even told him he needed to stop spending money because it was making me angry (and he didn't honestly care)...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Do not combine finances.

Get your husband to agree to how much each month he should commit to the household and savings for a new house. Have him transfer that much to you right after he gets paid. Then he is welcome to spend the rest or his dad. If he is meeting your commitment after that let it go


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

anastasia6 said:


> Do not combine finances.
> 
> Get your husband to agree to how much each month he should commit to the household and savings for a new house. Have him transfer that much to you right after he gets paid. Then he is welcome to spend the rest or his dad. If he is meeting your commitment after that let it go


This!!! The two of you need to agree on finances ahead of time, and if your husband doesn't keep his end of the bargain, he is committing financial infidelity.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

The problem isn't your FIL, it's your husband.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why cant the FIL have his own account and your husband put $200 in for him a month?I dont understand why he is supporting him at all, especially if he isn't being responsible for his own job and income. He is enabling his bad behaviour.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

I don't know that you actually have a husband. A husband is a partner to his wife, not a little boy to his father. And you take care of your partner FIRST. Of course, I think it might be pretty easy to see why he's a little boy. He was raised by a child.


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