# Young marriage ... needing help ...



## MRi (Jan 2, 2010)

This is my first post, and I'm a little scared to honestly even write this down.

My husband moved me from a place where I have lived for the passed 8 years, back to his home town. So naturally I don't know anybody, and I'm going to be hanging out with him and his friends.

I love my husband more then life. I can't tell you how much he means to me, BUT, it's hard for him to express his love. He shows more attention to a waitress at times then he does to me. 

I have been talking to a lot of his guy friends. Just "hello" and "how are you" kinda things. I feel like I'm talking to them because they are giving me more attention then my husband is. 

I feel like I'm a horrible wife when I say this. 

I haven't done anything sexual, or even had thoughts of doing so. I just feel special when I get that text from them saying, " hope your day is going well in our new town."

I have told my husband this.


He said, " well they aren't married they don't know how it is to live with someone, and be around them 24/7 , of course they are always going to be nice to you " - This hurt my feelings.


I don't know what to do here ... 


am I so wrong for talking to his friends?


What should I say to help him see that I just want this kind of attention from him and not his friends ...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

MRi said:


> What should I say to help him see that I just want this kind of attention from him and not his friends ...


I really feel for you. I moved away from my family and friends to be with my H. I left my life to live in his life. it was awful. i felt exactly how you are feeling, and i still feel that way a little sometimes. 

I did a lot of talking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of nothing. it all added up to a lot of problems and no solutions. 

My H did a lot of things in those first couple years that broke my heart. it was some big things, but really a lot of little things. But the most important thing is what I am now doing to get my life back. So my advice to you would be to stop trying to get your H's attention. try and get a life where you've moved. do you have a job? a hobby? what do you do all day?


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## MRi (Jan 2, 2010)

We just moved here a few weeks ago, my husband got out of the military and is in Fire fighting school now ... so I honestly don't have anything here YET. 

I'm working on it tho .. 

I do love my husband more then words can express, and I know he loves me too .. we have been through so much and we are still together ... 

I'm not willing to give up on anything, but I am MORE then willing to get ME together ...


Thanks!


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Yeah, you need to get out and make some friends. It's hard to get started but you need to do it. Join a book club, go on meetup.com and find groups that you're interested in, volunteer at whatever place makes you happy, go back to school, take a cooking class, whatever... just GET OUT and meet people. Sounds to me like you need girlfriends, girl.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Is going to school an option? Find something you've always wanted to try and take advantage of this opportunity. Ask for help from us and others on how to make it happen when it seems impossible. By creating your own life, you will change. He will notice--not right away, and maybe not in the ways you expect, but there is a good chance you can redisover the passion you once had. It sounds like he gets away with a lot b/c you are too emotionally and otherwise dependent on him. Be ready to insist on having some of your wishes met. I don't call them "needs," b/c you can live without loving words from your husband (for example). But if he wants a loving and happy relationship with you--his wife--he'll be looking for ways to provide love in ways that you ask. Good luck, and let us know what you decide to do.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

MRi said:


> I haven't done anything sexual, or even had thoughts of doing so. I just feel special when I get that text from them saying, " hope your day is going well in our new town."


Um... men don't text women unless they are sexually interested in them. So you're getting hit on imho. 

The correct answer your husband should have given you is; "well you are kinda cute", smiled, and made a pass at you.

Restate your concern to him


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## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

Hello
do you think he love you?
tell us nice things he done for you so far?
many often men don't express how they feel to their spouses everyday. may be he said that because he is mad/Jealous that these guys texting you.
not expressing emotions don't mean he is not caring for you. 
May be he has a lot things going on at his work or school that lead him to depression. 
I say nice things to my wife but not very often. if you say it very often it loses its meaning.


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