# We have grown apart....



## Triguy (Jan 7, 2012)

It is so hard to explain but after 28 years of marriage we have simply grown apart. We shared so much over the years, two children and years working overseas in great locations. We do not have money problems and now semi-retired with odd part-time work to keep busy.
We are both very active and sporty and at almost 60 I'm still racing triathlons and we both compete in open water sea swims together.
So whats going wrong....? well its all my fault....I want an active retirement....I don't feel 60 and I want to travel and see Europe....I recently purchased a motorhome with a plan of travelling extensivly....
We now have grand-children that we both love but I'm not as engaged as my wife...I can have fun with them then let go....no so with my wife. She has become very maternal again and its spoiling everything.
Well I know this is a poor old me story...but I don't want the whole kids thing all over again....she has become very close with our daughter in law and she is very controlling and has got my wife running around all day long picking up kids and its all too much...
I recently found out that my wife has signed some loan 
forms to help another family member to buy a car...my wife didn't ask me about this because she was sure I wouldn't allow it...the girl in question is recieving benifits while working and needs the car. Her own parents would not help....
She has also been lying about a number of other things....nothing serious but worrying all the same...
I love my wife and I know I'm childish wanting her all to myself...but I've done the father thing and now I want some fun...I had imagined the two of us like teenages running around Europe in our motorhome....but we are back with nappies and solving arguments between other family members,
I want to break free....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But those are her grandkids.

My mom is the same way. She still travels though.

Kids do well when they have grandparents in the picture.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Maybe you can talk to her about giving you equal time.
Is she willing to do both travel and play grandma?



QUOTE=Triguy;541958]It is so hard to explain but after 28 years of marriage we have simply grown apart. We shared so much over the years, two children and years working overseas in great locations. We do not have money problems and now semi-retired with odd part-time work to keep busy.
We are both very active and sporty and at almost 60 I'm still racing triathlons and we both compete in open water sea swims together.
So whats going wrong....? well its all my fault....I want an active retirement....I don't feel 60 and I want to travel and see Europe....I recently purchased a motorhome with a plan of travelling extensivly....
We now have grand-children that we both love but I'm not as engaged as my wife...I can have fun with them then let go....no so with my wife. She has become very maternal again and its spoiling everything.
Well I know this is a poor old me story...but I don't want the whole kids thing all over again....she has become very close with our daughter in law and she is very controlling and has got my wife running around all day long picking up kids and its all too much...
I recently found out that my wife has signed some loan 
forms to help another family member to buy a car...my wife didn't ask me about this because she was sure I wouldn't allow it...the girl in question is recieving benifits while working and needs the car. Her own parents would not help....
She has also been lying about a number of other things....nothing serious but worrying all the same...
I love my wife and I know I'm childish wanting her all to myself...but I've done the father thing and now I want some fun...I had imagined the two of us like teenages running around Europe in our motorhome....but we are back with nappies and solving arguments between other family members,
I want to break free....[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Triguy (Jan 7, 2012)

We only talk about the children and grand-children....our first son has a number of issues in his marriage and they have now become our main subject of conversation...
She has always had a very very close relationship with our first born...I love him too and have always had a good father-son
thing....that is untill I lent him a large sum of money over a 2 year period and when I told him....no more....things changed.
My wife used to moan like hell about my lending to him but would never say anything to him....she would never want to be unpopular....I told him and I became unpopular
When we lived overseas we looked after each other, now at home she is out and about taking care of everyone...poor me...
We argue constantly...
She enjoys herself when we travel away, it is like the old days, the
a text message will come in, another drama at my sons home and she will e on the phone for hours or worse we pack up and head home....
She is becoming a family problem solver....I am resentfull because I want the woman I love back full time...
Trouble she never solves the problems she simply enables my son and his wife to continue in a hopeless manner as she cleans up after them and runs the children around....she loves to be loved and wanted....I am becoming angry and isolated and the arguments continue....she left me yesterday and hasn't come home yet...
Talking isn't working because she knows I will put her on the spot....my problem is I get frustrated then angry and she shuts down,
I'm becoming so depressed just when I wanted to start living an exciting and active retirment....I have only loved one woman and she only loves me...there are just too many people (family) and issues in our life now


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## Triguy (Jan 7, 2012)

I shouted at her and she bacame scared....this shouting when I get frustrated is a new thing...I have never hit my wife but she is getting scared of me because I can't seem to articulate in an argument and just start ranting....
She is too calm to get into a shouting-match and that gets me worse....I starting to lose everything...its all falling apart,
this is abuse, not violence but abuse all the same and I don't want to be this guy.....and I want my friend back....


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## Thruhellandback (Jan 8, 2012)

Oh my goodness Triguy.

You need to ring the alarm bells to her now! tell her how urgent this is and ask for her to please negotiate.

You deserve more and so does she.
Something happens hormonally to women that age. Doesn't she realise that she doesn't have that many years of able bodied travel left!!!

So many things can happen in the next few years (physically) that would close that door forever. My mother in law had just retired when they found a mass in her hip....they operated but immediately following that she had a car accident. She would kill to be in good enough shape to travel. Your wife is throwing away such an golden opportunity of spending time with the man who just wants to be with her best friend and spend time with her. I hope I'm that lucky when I retire.

Insist and tell her you wouldn't be so adamant if you didn't love her so and want to take advantage of these precious years where the world is your oyster.

Good luck. Please keep me posted on how it goes.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You have to realize you are getting older and so is your wife. But it doesnt exactly work at the same 'rate'. Many older people because of this dont get on together. One is getting older 'quicker' and the other already being older cant take it. With children's problems that only makes things worse. You have somehow to tell them to keep your wife out of their lives, even pay them to do it.


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