# Hi from wisconsin



## black_doll262 (Jun 13, 2020)

Hello all i would like to introduce myself, I am 39 year old woman I have been married for almost 10 years to an alcoholic with mental health issues. I work full time at a very physical demanding job, we have 2 young boys ages 5 and 8. He doesn't work due to his mental health issues, he has a disability case going now. We have so many problems it's crazy. Most stem from his alcoholism and attitude, paired with his mental problems is disaster waiting to happen, I'm giving my all to hold everything together all while working a stressful job, taking care of 2 kids, trying to take care of myself, worrying about him etc, it's becoming too much. I joined this site to talk to others about our problems and vent.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I'm sorry you are going thru this. I'm 62 and just divorced my alcoholic husband after being together for 40 years. The one piece of advice i could give you is your kids may be young but it will affect them later on. My child is 27 years old and still has bad anxiety. She sees a therapist and is just now opening up about her dad's alcoholism. I wish I could tell you it gets better but it really doesn't . They get sicker and sicker. My ex weighs 125 pounds and is pretty sick all the time. There are some positive stories about alcoholism but after attending al-anon for awhile, there aren't many. You'll grow angrier and angrier at yourself for not leaving and giving yourself a chance at happiness when you were young. Again, sorry you are going thru this.


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## black_doll262 (Jun 13, 2020)

I'm new here, I've been married for almost 10 years to a drinker with mental health issues, anxiety and depression. I love my husband but I am totally over his behaviors and I need to vent. He drinks every other day and he has to have music up loud and he is loud and just an embarrassing show off when he is drinking, he has to get dressed, go outside with the tailgate speaker and microphone. I get he is having a good time but I feel like this is so immature, we are almost 40 years old and we have 2 young kids and neighbors. He also gets really argumentative and upset when he drinks. He isn't violent but just loud and stupid acting, it's embarrassing as hell, the more beers the louder everything has to be. The day after he feels like crap and his anxiety and panic attack attacks spike and he has to take his anti anxiety medication which is a benzo. It's a vicious cycle he has created for not only himself but us also, I just don't know what to do anymore, when he isn't drinking he is a great person. Im just at my wit's end as a wife


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear all that you are going through. It sounds very hard.

Do you have family and/or friends around you who can give you some emotional support? Are they aware of your issues?


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

What is his behavior teaching your children? What parenting does he bring to the table when he spends the majority of his time drinking outside?


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Wow, you have a lot on your plate doll. How long have his problems been going on? Is he seeing anyone for the mental health issues? I’ve worked with men with special needs who are in the same category as your husband, but Unfortunately most end up incarcerated. I certainly can understand your frustrations and I commend you fo hanging in there. Just to reiterate EleGirls comment, what avenues of support do you have? The more information, the better the good folks of TAM can assist. You have virtual support here.

OT


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@black_doll262,

I merged your two threads. You will get better input this way.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@gold5932 has hit the nail on the head. You need to get into Al-anon for your own sanity and to figure a way out for yourself and the kids. If he is not willing to get help with AA etc then you should plan to move on with your life. Sit him down and discuss the impact it is having on your family life. Is it not possible for him to join some sort of group support to deal with his issues so that he is not bringing them home with him? Start with Al-Anon for youself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He needs in patient treatment for his alcoholism. Can this be arranged?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@black_doll262,

I'm checking in on you. How are you doing?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

black_doll262 said:


> Hello all i would like to introduce myself, I am 39 year old woman I have been married for almost 10 years to an alcoholic with mental health issues. I work full time at a very physical demanding job, we have 2 young boys ages 5 and 8. He doesn't work due to his mental health issues, he has a disability case going now. We have so many problems it's crazy. Most stem from his alcoholism and attitude, paired with his mental problems is disaster waiting to happen, I'm giving my all to hold everything together all while working a stressful job, taking care of 2 kids, trying to take care of myself, worrying about him etc, it's becoming too much. I joined this site to talk to others about our problems and vent.


Why on EARTH would you choose to have kids with a man who can't provide for a family, has mental issues, and with whom you're clearly unhappy? I don't get it.

What am I missing here?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Why on EARTH would you choose to have kids with a man who can't provide for a family, has mental issues, and with whom you're clearly unhappy? I don't get it.
> 
> What am I missing here?


She is where she is and that's it. She needs help, support and advice.


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