# Has any ever wanted no strings



## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

I have a question and I know most men will say yes
But is it weird for a married women to want a sexual
Relationship with someone else with no strings
Attached?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If thats what you want then you shouldnt be married.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Most men will 'say' yes, but grow attached

Don't believe what people say.

Whoa... paradox


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I don't know if it's "weird" is the correct term...I would call it problematic however. Don't know of this hypothetical arrangement involves secrecy against the married partner or not...but in either case... no matter how controlled one tries to make the arrangement, taking up physical relations with a third party is a very complicated situation. Not to mention the disease risk, the stalker risk, the husband finding out and flips out risk, or affair partner gets jealous and kills husband risk...lots of unknown variables. And trust us...those of us who have all been cheated on by spouses who tried to keep a lid on it...there WILL always be an emotional component to sharing yourself with someone...no matter how cold or clinical one thinks they can be with having their sexual needs met this way...they are not inseparable. If said hypothetical married woman is considering this...then I would suggest that woman would FAR more benefit from professional counseling or sex addiction treatment...to get to the root of what is really going on.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> Most men will 'say' yes, but grow attached
> 
> Don't believe what people say.
> 
> Whoa... paradox


Right. Theoretically yes but in reality, it would have to be a unique circumstance. 

I am going to ignore the unethical implication of this question and speak specifically about nsa.

Unlike my younger years, part of what attracts me to a woman is if I can see myself with them. I actually have to like them. If I like them then stopping at NSA might be tough. A ONS is a little different.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

I know I am not contributing to this thread and am missing the point. I just want to say that I am a man, and have never been interested in no strings. I will also say that both my fiance and I are in a new town, getting to know many people in a particular social community. In that particular community, I see no significant difference in men and women wanting no strings.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

The answer is about 20 percent will say yes.
About half will follow thru.
About half of the last group will have big regrets.

Seeing someone you love coupled to another person is a special type of mental trauma.

If you dig enough you will read the stories here.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

mitzi said:


> I have a question and I know most men will say yes
> But is it weird for a married women to want a sexual
> Relationship with someone else with no strings
> Attached?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's no one answer.
Many will want one, or fantasize about one.
Most will leave it at that.
A significant percentage will cheat to have one.
A small percentage will do so with spousal permission, or even spousal participation (e.g., swingers, open marriage, polyamorists - although the latter usually have "strings").


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I don't think it is weird...


I also don't think it is weird for me to want to win the lottery, or to want to discover the cure for cancer, or to go to the moon, or to live forever.

But none of these things are going to happen and neither is no strings attached sex EVER going to happen.

Go down that road and soon you will find yourself entangled in a spider's web of "strings"....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

mitzi said:


> I have a question and I know most men will say yes
> But is it weird for a married women to want a sexual
> Relationship with someone else with no strings
> Attached?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The strings are that she is married.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> If thats what you want then you shouldnt be married.


That's true but if someone isn't married then they wouldn't want a no strings affair.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

JustPuzzled said:


> The way each line is capitalized in your post makes it look a bit like a poem. A very worrying, disturbing poem.


I was on my cell phone and I did not realize there was the grammar police in here but I will try not to do that again :rofl:


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

FormerSelf said:


> I don't know if it's "weird" is the correct term...I would call it problematic however. Don't know of this hypothetical arrangement involves secrecy against the married partner or not...but in either case... no matter how controlled one tries to make the arrangement, taking up physical relations with a third party is a very complicated situation. Not to mention the disease risk, the stalker risk, the husband finding out and flips out risk, or affair partner gets jealous and kills husband risk...lots of unknown variables. And trust us...those of us who have all been cheated on by spouses who tried to keep a lid on it...there WILL always be an emotional component to sharing yourself with someone...no matter how cold or clinical one thinks they can be with having their sexual needs met this way...they are not inseparable. If said hypothetical married woman is considering this...then I would suggest that woman would FAR more benefit from professional counseling or sex addiction treatment...to get to the root of what is really going on.


You make good valid points. I do think some women as well as men feel that there is something(s) not working in there marriage and another can provide. They may love their spouse but that need that is missing they just need for filled.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Right. Theoretically yes but in reality, it would have to be a unique circumstance.
> 
> I am going to ignore the unethical implication of this question and speak specifically about nsa.
> 
> ...


I do agree that you would have to like qualities about the NSA person because I don't think those qualities your missing in your spouse would be fulfilled but if you were with this other said person and only with that person and your spouse, you still don't think it would work?


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

LoveLonely said:


> I know I am not contributing to this thread and am missing the point. I just want to say that I am a man, and have never been interested in no strings. I will also say that both my fiance and I are in a new town, getting to know many people in a particular social community. In that particular community, I see no significant difference in men and women wanting no strings.


I think the point would be that some marriages and I'm not speaking for all or even most but some have certain things in their marriage that might be pretty important for them, more then likely sexually that their spouse either can't or wont meet. So that's where the NSA person comes in. To meet that need missing.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> The answer is about 20 percent will say yes.
> About half will follow thru.
> About half of the last group will have big regrets.
> 
> ...


I guess maybe I should have read post instead of posting here.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> The strings are that she is married.


He could be as well.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I suppose one could be looking at it as using a means to get to an end...but I think that is a pretty narrow way of looking at it. It's not a single A to B linear equation. It is a VERY complicated and entangled business...playing the field...capable of complete and irreversible devastation...with lots of unintended and unexpected consequences. And no matter what sort of mature, cosmopolitan, and emotionally detached spin people make to enter into an NSA...it is messy and destructive. But once someone has their mind made up to do something...there isn't much one can do to dissuade them...you usually have to wait until they get chewed up and spit out the other end that they will say, "I should have listened to you."


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## mrsmanhatten (Apr 21, 2012)

It's perfectly normal to fantasize about something like that but it is the acting on it that would be "weird" especially if you are married and not in a relationship that was open to such things. I also think it is a red flag especially for women to want such things because it is more complicated than just sex with women. It has more to do with what we get out of it emotionally as well.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's rare to have NO strings. I would want - at minimum - mutual liking, trust, and respect, and probably friendship with the other person, as in a FWB situation.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> It's rare to have NO strings. I would want - at minimum - mutual liking, trust, and respect, and probably friendship with the other person, as in a FWB situation.


What is FWB?

So you think liking the same things, trust and respect are strings? I don't. I guess I see strings attached as trying to control the other in ways that if you don't treat me like this I will be gone - sort of way. Or I want you to spoil me rotten or I wont have anything to do with you. Does that make any sense?


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

mrsmanhatten said:


> It's perfectly normal to fantasize about something like that but it is the acting on it that would be "weird" especially if you are married and not in a relationship that was open to such things. I also think it is a red flag especially for women to want such things because it is more complicated than just sex with women. It has more to do with what we get out of it emotionally as well.



I don't think it is with all women. In my personal opinion. I guess it would be hard to really say for sure unless that person had already done something of the sort.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Fwb is friends with benefits.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

As someone who has had 2 NSA/FWB situations, I can tell you that for me, it literally was ONLY sex I wanted from these men.
We practiced safe sex, enjoyed each other's company, had some good times, no harm, no foul. My 1st happened in my mid 20's, the 2nd happened in my mid 30's. At each time in my life, I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted sex without the commitment. 

I would not have a NSA/FWB while in a relationship with someone else, because that would be selfish. Now, if your SO has no problem with you seeking sexual gratification from another man, I've got to wonder why that is so. It's not typical behavior for a man to agree to his SO having sex outside their relationship, unless he did acquiesce to it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> As someone who has had 2 NSA/FWB situations, I can tell you that for me, it literally was ONLY sex I wanted from these men.
> We practiced safe sex, enjoyed each other's company, had some good times, no harm, no foul. My 1st happened in my mid 20's, the 2nd happened in my mid 30's. At each time in my life, I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted sex without the commitment.
> 
> I would not have a NSA/FWB while in a relationship with someone else, because that would be selfish. Now, if your SO has no problem with you seeking sexual gratification from another man, I've got to wonder why that is so. It's not typical behavior for a man to agree to his SO having sex outside their relationship, unless he did acquiesce to it.


I've had several FWBs and they provided what we each wanted at the time, and ended well - the Friend part is still true, also. For most people, this won't work if you're in a relationship, but it did for us because we have a polyamorous perspective and a fully consensual open relationship anyway.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

I have a guy in my life that we have seen each other off and on now for fifteen years. Whenever one is in a relationship the other backs off unless the relationship is heading south. At one point the FWB other told me he loved me and said there was a reason we haven't just went our separate ways. The issue was that I was in a long distant relationship at the time. I told him that I think knowing that we both have had extra marital relationships with each other that I didn't know if we were to be together that we wouldn't have problems down the road with trust issues. I still talk to him and we are still friends and we do talk about issues in our relationships we are in now. My husband knows I talk to him although he doesn't know our true relationship. My husband has had a big issue with sex (Non existent) for the past four years (we've been together five) and I am a very sexual women. This has created a huge problem in our marriage and it's the only problem we have but it's a really important one to me.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It didn't work for me. I tried it once and it just ended in heartache. Tried to keep the emotion out of it but couldn't. I'm just not made that way. 

If you can do that, screw someone without the emotional bonding, then I doff my ugly hat to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

mitzi said:


> I have a question and I know most men will say yes
> But is it weird for a married women to want a sexual
> Relationship with someone else with no strings
> Attached?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, that's why most of the men here actually talk about. Not did they want, they did. Did you not read other posts? You also did'nt clarify. Is your man ok with you sleeping with other men? Statistically 48% do just what your insinuating.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Gonnabealright said:


> Yes, that's why most of the men here actually talk about. Not did they want, they did. Did you not read other posts? You also did'nt clarify. Is your man ok with you sleeping with other men? Statistically 48% do just what your insinuating.


I've told him that I am thinking about it and I don't want to hurt him but I don't know how to change it. No I haven't read other post. Not sure how to find look for those particular post.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

mitzi said:


> I've told him that I am thinking about it and I don't want to hurt him but I don't know how to change it. No I haven't read other post. Not sure how to find look for those particular post.


No way you could do this and it not hurt him. It's called cuckolding, and it will humiliate him. 

Have you taken him to a doctor and had him screened for low Testosterone, had his heart and blood checked, gone to counseling? It is usually not normal for a man to be low drive. Before you go throwing your legs up for another man and destroying your husbands life, exhaust all the possibilities of why he doesn't have sex with you more often. Give him that at least. 

Oh, and quit talking to the old FWB. If you were my wife and I found out you were talking to another man behind my back I wound kick you to the curb just for that.

If you feel that you have no other option then divorce your husband first and then go bang other guys. Don't cheat. Just don't. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> No way you could do this and it not hurt him. It's called cuckolding, and it will humiliate him.
> 
> Have you taken him to a doctor and had him screened for low Testosterone, had his heart and blood checked, gone to counseling? It is usually not normal for a man to be low drive. Before you go throwing your legs up for another man and destroying your husbands life, exhaust all the possibilities of why he doesn't have sex with you more often. Give him that at least.
> 
> ...



Your so good with getting your point across. Yes I'm saying it sarcastically. I'm not looking to be a tramp and I'm not looking to hurt my husband. I just know that I've tried everything I can think of and I don't know what else to do.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I would only do this (and have done this) when my partner was in the know. If you have relationship/sex issues it is best to communicate and try to solve those issues. Bringing a third person into the picture will only bring guilt and shame. Be honest, be open with your spouse, and see what they are thinking. They may want the same thing!


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

scatty said:


> I would only do this (and have done this) when my partner was in the know. If you have relationship/sex issues it is best to communicate and try to solve those issues. Bringing a third person into the picture will only bring guilt and shame. Be honest, be open with your spouse, and see what they are thinking. They may want the same thing!


Mitzi---

IIMO, your OP (originalPost) should of been asked a little different...

You are in a sexless marriage and that sucks. Iunderstand that.

My wife and I communicated our situation and my wife over a perion of several months of tring to find a solution, she told me to have sex with other women...


Sounds great doesnt it?

So aftyer several more months with lunch dates and happy hour dates I came close to NSA sex.....I couldnt take it to the next level....

At the ssmr time my wife woke up and tried to have more loving sex with me...Maybe the thought of me with another women woke her up...Dont know...

I do know this is a short term fix. After 2 months I feel it going back to lwhat it was...

Tell your husband that you wnt an open marriage... Be honest and up front...

I think I would want a NSA relationship. I think about it a lot...
I know that comes with feelings...Thats how I roll.

I know I would hate myself if I had another relationship. Somebody will get hurt.

I cant say that it wont happen... My wife and I have communicated way too much to each other. 

Ask yourself if your husband would be OK with it.

There are so mant people in a sexless marriage on this forum...You are not alone with that.

For me, I dont want to be that cheater...I dont think you do either...


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If your husband agrees then it's not cheating. BUT, not being upfront with your h about this old lover is not fair. That is cheating. You want him to be ok with it, while you are lying to him. Ick. 

It's like you are using his "disability" (whatever is stopping him from having sex with you) just to get back with the old guy.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Trickster said:


> Mitzi---
> 
> IIMO, your OP (originalPost) should of been asked a little different...
> 
> ...


True....I've always been the one cheated on. If it was that easy I would have done it a long time ago. My husband is a really great guy. Treats me better then anyone I've been with. It's really weird, I've been married before and treated like crap but had great sex. I've been in relationships and the same thing. The thing of it is, is honestly I've talked open with my husband. I've told him how I feel. How I hurt so much because I just want to feel wanted and desired. I've asked him to be honest with me and tell me what it is holding him back. What I'm doing wrong. I put in x rated moves to try and talk dirty to him hoping he will get the clue and start at least talking open with me. Nothing. He told me when we first got together that he had a deep secret and he wasn't ready to tell me. Five years later and I've asked him about it and he tells me he doesn't know what I'm talking about.... I don't know what else to do.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> If your husband agrees then it's not cheating. BUT, not being upfront with your h about this old lover is not fair. That is cheating. You want him to be ok with it, while you are lying to him. Ick.
> 
> It's like you are using his "disability" (whatever is stopping him from having sex with you) just to get back with the old guy.


Your way off. I don't need an excuse and I'm not looking for an excuse. I'm a women in need with needs and a women that is feeling very un womenly. I've never had a problem getting a mans attention. I can't get my husbands attention.


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

Maybe he's gay.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> Maybe he's gay.


He doesn't act it as in the way most guys that I know that are gay do but I wont say it hasn't entered my mind.


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## Depressedjoe (Dec 22, 2013)

Please don't do...it's not worth it..trust me


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

mitzi said:


> He doesn't act it as in the way most guys that I know that are gay do but I wont say it hasn't entered my mind.


Well, most gay men I know aren't any different from other men.

Maybe he's gay, maybe he's not. However, he obviously doesn't care about your sexual needs.

How about telling him of this thread you've created, thus allowing him to see your plight for what it is. Convince him to make his own thread, so he can give his side of the story.

Surely, nothing bad can come of that.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Hang in there a bit longer after you read more here. Your not alone and quit talking to the other man. You have to arm yourself on how to get through this your way. Sorry your here.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> Maybe he's gay.


Have you simply asked him if he's gay? Do you know what he's doing on the computer? Maybe time to do some digging. I'd almost bet porn for sure, possible EA/PA. If you find gay porn, well that would explain everything wouldn't it.
I'm am a BS but no sex no health problems makes me think something bigger is afoot.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Gonnabealright said:


> Anonymous Person said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe he's gay.
> ...


I would go the T / health checkup route before I'd start questioning his sexual preferences.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> He told me when we first got together that he had a deep secret and he wasn't ready to tell me.


He's gay. Betcha.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Back to the OP’s original question:

I know that many would consider me “old fashioned” or even “out of touch” but I would never consider sex outside of a committed long term relationship (for me this meant marriage). I do not say that casual sex is wrong just that it is not for me, each to their own and not pressuring others to do anything that goes against their conscience has worked for me. 

Have I ever fanaticized about sex with a strange women “yes” but I would not partake.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> Back to the OP’s original question:
> 
> I know that many would consider me “old fashioned” or even “out of touch” but I would never consider sex outside of a committed long term relationship (for me this meant marriage). I do not say that casual sex is wrong just that it is not for me, each to their own and not pressuring others to do anything that goes against their conscience has worked for me.
> 
> Have I ever fanaticized about sex with a strange women “yes” but I would not partake.


I feel old-fashioned like Wiltshireman.

I have to say that it never felt "right" without being married. This is due to the weight of upbringing. I was taught that men don't respect you if you sleep with them without being married.....

I know this is completely old-fashioned and probably not even accurate but when this idea is drilled into you from a young age, it's next to impossible to shake it.....

So fantasies remain fantasies for me.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Unlike Wiltshireman and Omego, I have no problems with non-marital sex, but, I have never been interested in non-relationship sex. (I have no issues with those that do, it's just not for me).

I could never understand why somebody would want to have regular sex with somebody who is not their partner. I get the physical need, and that sometimes the emotional need for a partner is not there, but all the same.

I guess there are 3 views on sex. (probably more, but for the sake of this topic).

Those who can and will have sex with anybody they find attractive to fulfill a need.

Those who will have sex with anybody outside of marriage, but also require the emotional aspects of a relationship.

Those who will have sex with only their spouse.

And that's okay. Personally, I just never saw the value of a physical only relationship. A drunken one-nighter, okay, they happen (and have happened to me), but I never wanted to go back for more, on a regular basis. Even the few ONS I've had didn't do anything for me. I could have taken care of that itch myself and it wouldn't have been any better or worse.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Omego said:


> I was taught that men don't respect you if you sleep with them without being married.....
> 
> I know this is completely old-fashioned and probably not even accurate but when this idea is drilled into you from a young age, it's next to impossible to shake it.....


It's really too bad people are brought up this way. I really don't believe it's healthy. It's one thing to tell your children to wait til marriage - which is perfectly fine. It's another to put ideas in their heads about guilt, etc.

Yes, it can be true that a man (or woman) does not always respect you in all cases. Getting picked up in a bar by some guy, when you're the third woman he's hit on that night, isn't very respectful - for BOTH parties involved if you go home with him, but it happens. Usually, the one doing the picking up tells their friends, before and after, and that's not respectful. They're also using you, and vice versa. There's no respect in that for either party. Me, personally, I don't like using people, and I don't like being used, so that sort of thing has never interested me. My few ONS were with people I knew (acquaintances, not friends), they just sort of happened, etc. Doesn't make it any better, but from where I was coming from, there was respect there, from each of us. It wasn't some girl I didn't know that I hit on, or vice versa, and told all my friends about afterwards. No regrets, no awkwardness.

Dating somebody, and being exclusive, yet not marrying them in the end, that's not disrespectful to either party. If it's about being disrespectful to your god, then tell them THAT. Don't make them feel guilty, personally, about themselves.

Parents should really talk to their children about the differences in those two scenarios, instead of leaving it open like that. If you're being brought up by people who strongly oppose pre-marital sex, that's fine. Just don't make your kids feel like ALL pre-marital sex is disrespectful. Tell them why you feel the way you do, and let them make their own choices. Don't ever make them feel the guilt associated with doing something THEY believe is wrong. It creates scars for life, imo.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I can understand fantasizing about it, but not actually wanting it. 

For me, sex involves so much more than physical attraction alone, and if I liked somebody enough to be physically intimate with them, I would also have to be emotionally involved, too. I don't get emotionally involved with people on a casual basis, so it wouldn't work for me.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

I see many sides to this - First of all I don't honestly think I could live with myself if I cheated on my husband. Deep down I truly would not want to hurt him like that. As for being gay - I just don't know. I have done searches on the computer and he doesn't go to porn sites. (He is not computer literate enough to find out how to delete his tracks). He has been to the doctor and they say his levels are fine. 
I was a teenage mom. I really had no care nore was I taught about values. My mother screwed around on my father when I was very young. My father has been screwing around with other women ever since. My brother has screwed around with other women in his relationship. I was brought up to see that you stayed married but it's ok to mess around with other people. I have gone through life thinking what does it matter what I put into a marriage because my husband will cheat on me no matter what. I wouldn't mess around on my husband as he is a good man. If he was a jerk to me that would be a different story. I just have a huge empty feeling of that thing that's missing and I hope to find out what is causing it and move on.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Mitzi-

I get where you are coming from. 

My Dad was a cheater...He was actually my Moms step Dad before we were born. Got her pregnant , divorced her mother (my grand mother) and married my mon and had 4 kids with her. Later...cheated on her, D again...left us to be with the OW...My Mom was always drunk and brought men home for sex...One time, I happen to be sleeping in the same room and they didnt know I was in the room..I heard the whole thing....I will never forget that . that was over 35 years ago.


Deep down, my wife is such a sweety and has put up with me and my weirdness for 21 years.. I know there is some kind of love there...It just isnt the romantic, rip your clothes off love and attraction/desire that I crave..

I imagine this is the same for you...

My wife doesnt care about sex at all... Thats why she said I can have sex with other women...I would feel the guilt for the rest of my life if I were to do that...

All the hurt I grew up with would be amplified and the directed back to me...I couldn't blame my dad, mom, my wife... It all falls back on me...

Your the same....We have that need for love desire and affection. Maybe we dont get that from our spouse in the language we want it to be in. Its there somewhere.

What I am learning is that I may not get the love I crave from another woman either.

I do know that I tell my wife everything.

I am detaching and doing things on my own as well as meeting new people...

My wife...( I think...) she is wakeing up. She seems to be trying to be more romantic.

Its just a short fix ...Dont know.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

Trickster said:


> Mitzi-
> 
> I get where you are coming from.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you went through all the **** you did as well. Yes it does sound like we are going through a lot of the same things. I have told my husband how I feel and that it's coming down to that I will look else where to meet my needs if he cant meet them. My first husband and I had an open marriage. He was open to anything and everyone that came along. I however was not and so we went our separate ways after two kids and 8 years of marriage. I don't know where else to go from here. I am sure I wont do anything with anyone while we are married because I would feel way to guilty. I just don't how long I can go on dreaming and fantasizing about my needs being met.


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