# im just not interested in sex anymore and im only 21!



## youngmum:) (Dec 13, 2011)

hi , i have been with my partner for 3 1/2 years now. 
we have two children together a 2 1/2 yr old and an 18 month year old. 

im 21 and my partner is 24 , *we have sex about once maybe twice a month. i dont know whats wrong with me i just have no interest in sex* and i hate how much im hurting my partner he feels unloved and unattractive. we have talked about this together but i find it hard to express myself at times but i try to reassure him as best i can.

before we had our first child we had sex 3 times a day and quite alot throughout the pregnancy , this dwindled when she was born and during my second pregnancy but was still a few times a week , i cant remember when it went really bad, probably when my second came along.

i love my partner very much and want to get through this does anyone have any advice for me please?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

youngmum:) said:


> hi , i have been with my partner for 3 1/2 years now.
> we have two children together a 2 1/2 yr old and an 18 month year old.
> 
> im 21 and my partner is 24 , *we have sex about once maybe twice a month. i dont know whats wrong with me i just have no interest in sex* and i hate how much im hurting my partner he feels unloved and unattractive. we have talked about this together but i find it hard to express myself at times but i try to reassure him as best i can.
> ...


Ideally you should compromise at twice per month. No ifs ands or buts.... it is important for a healthy relationship at least that frequency.. its not all about you. Its not all about your partner... so compromise. Never ever let it go more than a month. NEVER. Your sex drive at some point may return... it's because you have young kids most likely.


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## Jazzercise (Dec 9, 2011)

Maybe...just maybe...it's because you have two kids going thru their terrible 2's? lol! That's enough to kill anyone's sex drive. You're constantly going and going and going, sex just feels like another thing to do for someone. The kids NEED you so your husband gets put on the back burner. You're spending all of your time being a mommy and wife that you're forgetting to take time to be a woman. You need to feel sexy and desireable to want to have sex with your man. maybe you should get a sitter and spend some alone time primping and glamming, then some hubby time.  Make yourself a priority!


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

May I ask even though I believe you have no interest why does this make it impossible to do just to please him.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

accept said:


> May I ask even though I believe you have no interest why does this make it impossible to do just to please him.


i am interested also. If you love him and hate hurting him then why not give him a hand. you might even get turned on and want some action yourself.let me ask you if when you do have sex do you enjoy it?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

youngmum:) said:


> i love my partner very much and want to get through this does anyone have any advice for me please?


Hi youngmum ~

Welcome !

Well, it sounds like you have a very busy household with two very young children. That would dampen anyone's desire. Your hormones and your lifestyle have been through a tremendous upheaval in a short period of time.

But, what I quoted from your original post gives me great hope. Because if you are willing to work through this with your partner, then there's a lot to look forward to.

Are you willing to 'give him a hand' sometimes? Are you willing to let him try and arouse you even if you might be feeling like you are indifferent? Sometimes you can end up becoming aroused even if you started out in 'neutral'.

Intimacy of any kind, emotional and physical, is very important in marriage, and it kind of runs in a loop, where more of one begets more of the other and so forth. So, sometimes just trying to make the effort to be more sexual with your partner will go a long way.

I hope that you will be willing to give it a try. You don't have to shoot for 3 times a day again, but maybe if you try for once or twice a week, and verbalize to your partner that you appreciate him everyday, and be affectionate - touch him tenderly, let him know you care every day it will help to start to bring some of that warmth and spark back into your relationship. 

Best wishes.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

In my personal experience, the more my H and I have sex the more I want it. Maybe you just need to make yourself up your frequency and then you'll start enjoying it again.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Is it possible for the two of you to get away for the night or weekend?

I often hear of mothers who lose their sex drives, soon after they have babies. You did not have those little ones all that long ago.

How nice that you want to please your husband sexually and make him feel loved. The best gift you can give your children is a happy marriage. 

So think about going away to be alone with your husband. Buy some sexy lingerie.


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