# Dawn of a New Day



## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Well,

He got an apartment today. Not sure how I feel really. He sure does seem like he is all about money and what he may have to pay me. I just want to avoid causing problems with my daughter! He is cussing me over being a "gold digger"...yet last year when he was laid off I certainly supported him. He threatens that he will borrow money from his family to run me thru the ringer in court. What an ahole he has turned out to be. But, he wants to work on things after he moves? He told me this morning he wanted to work things out after he moved, but we had to start all over again. WHATEVER! 

What are your thoughts on working things out with someone after they have walked out? Part of me says why work on a marriage with someone after they have walked out. The other part says with all the arguing that was going on maybe it was best that we separated the ole' "you don't know what you have til its gone thing". 

He hasn't given me the date he will be out by just that he got the apartment.

Now comes the pain I guess.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

whattodo,

I feel for you! i was there and still am in a way...

let him move out, YOU set your own boundaries, and have him have to live by them...

let him see what it would truly be like to be gone...divorced. if he want to work things out after he moves out...make sure he works on himself first AND you do the same...

YOU decide what it is you want, and if he isnt able to meet your needs...also think lots of your little girl!

btw, i also lived in NC for a number of years...west of Mooresville, in Denver. anyways if im not mistaken...the law of alienation of affection is still in place there...might check on that and if it is...mention it to him! im not saying to threaten him...just let him know that you can also gain all of the knowledge the same as he can...dont let him continue to threaten you...please. I did at first and then i slowly and kindly got it and that helped him to realize that the grass on the other side may look greener, but it still needs caretaking!

keep your chin up! you can do it!

like i said do for you and your daughter...decide what you truly want...and deserve!


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

I hate how these things almost always have to turn ugly somehow. There's no need for him to threaten and call names, what kind of example does that set for your daughter. I'm sorry your being treated that way, nobody deserves that. 

As for working on things after he moves out, I'd say your the only one that will know if it's worth it or not. I know when my W packed her things and left, I wanted nothing more than a chance for us to work on things, i told her we'll take some time and separate and think about if we want to try and work on things in a few months but she wanted nothing to do with it. She was 100% set on divorce and there was no changing her mind. 

I don't know that much of your situation but I agree with LOST in saying you need to decide what's best for you and also your daughter.

Hope the best for you


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I concur with the other opinions , I would also start looking at protecting myself legally. I for sure wouldn't write anything down in agreement for him less I talked it over with legal counsel. Work on yourself because regaurdless you two have months before you two can be done from one another. If he wants to come back make him seek counseling on his own and later on you join.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Thanks for the replies .

It's been tough the past few days but I have stood my ground and haven't begged or asked him to come back in a few days. It's funny because yesterday for example, he sent me two pictures of our daughter and I never responded. After all he had made it clear he didn't want to talk to me. So a few hours go by and he sends me a text saying "How funny that when I don't answer you get mad but if you don't answer it's ok." Then after I didn't respond to that text he sent another one saying, "I just thought you would check on our daughter". Like he was trying to give me a guilt trip or something.

Then this morning, he came in the living room and started saying all these things they did yesterday like he thought it would make me mad or something. 

Anyway, the more I think about it and the more people tell me I can do better the more I start thinking well heck I don't deserve to be second best to anybody.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Whattodo,

Hope you aren't getting snow up there in Mooresville today. Only rain down here. Lost is correct about alienation of affection. It is still in place here as law of the land. And there is also Criminal Persuasion. Both are civil actions. 

Keep up letting him know you aren't "available" to him. And know your rights. I'd hate to say contact Bill Diehl's firm in Charlotte, but then he nailed George Shinn -- if you know who he is. His firm is one of the best in this area for divorce.

Just listen to your friends and yourself -- maybe you do deserve better. Its scary, but maybe its true.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Just checked the security camera at work and it is snowing a little here....NOOOO! LOL Luckily it isn't ice.

Hmmmm...didn't know about Criminal Persuasion...interesting!

Did any of guys ever had like one thing they did to make you in a way be able to let go? I kept saying if it's meant to be I will see a sign or something that proves that he will be back. Today, I saw this girl he added on FB. Not sure if I should be worried or not but she is someone he used to like before we dated and wanted to go out with. She's married now but the simple fact that he looked her up to add her is strange. Considering he hasn't spoke to her in 3 years. Maybe I'm looking too much into it I guess. To me, when I saw that something in me just clicked though. Like maybe this is my sign to let go. I'm tired of worrying about who he is talking to. I'm tired of dropping my life to concern myself with what he's doing. I just want to be happy and spend my life WITH someone. 

Anyway, just a bad day I guess.....

Great, I spoke too soon......the slight snow has turned to heavy snow and sleet.....Glad I get off work soon!


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## ZoeCat (Nov 20, 2009)

What: I have been looking for signs since my husband moved out. I look for signs we weren't meant to be together and signs that he's unhappy with his new life and we can start over. I am still willing to fight for us, but right now, he's not interested. I do think if you want to work on your relationship, it is possible even if he's moved out. The space gives you time to work on yourself and think about what is important in your relationship. You have to ask yourself what's best for you and your daughter. Hang in there... If you need to talk or vent, just PM me.


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## Hurtssomuch (Jan 2, 2010)

Looks like so many of us are going through the same situation.
My H moved out on Jan. 31, 2010 and it has been *ell for me. He says he still loves me he just does not know if he wants to be with me anymore. Well yesterday he tells me it is over. I saw him yesterday and he did not have his wedding ring on anymore which hurt. I gave him a hug and kiss and told him I still love him he kissed me back and said he loved me also but this is the way it has to be. I am hoping that he realizes the grass is not greenier on the other side. As much as I want our marriage to work out I think I have to move on and let go because this is not healthy for me for my kids. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done but if I want to survive and get on with my life I have to let go. We all deserve to be with someone that loves us and wants to be with us.

I wish us all luck and happiness in what ever happens.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Zoe-Thank you so much for that, I needed the support right about now . How are you doing today?

Hurtssomuch-You are absolutely right about finding a way to let go.....I am so sorry you are going thru this and please write as much as needed, it not only helps you it helps others going thru the same thing. Wish you the best.

Well y'all looks like I dropped the bomb yet again. I came home from work last night to discover that he searched up this girl that he cheated on his ex with before they got married about 10 years ago. The bad part is he continued to talk to this girl right up til we met thru emails. She doesn't live around here and he didnt add her, he says he wouldn't talk to her but why search her up then? He says he was just searching people he knew just out of curiousity. I don't know maybe I had a weak moment but I was soooo mad. Why do I continue to let him get to me? Why can't I just tra-la-la move along like he is, like nothing in our marriage ever mattered? This morning he got up and started telling me(well not directly just kinda talking to himself but out loud) about what he was going to do today......Like he wants me to question him. Last night when I confronted him about that girl he was laughing about it....Like he enjoys me asking. I've just had a series of bad days. I think I would be able to move along alot easier when he's finally gone. 

He threw up yet again using his mom who has so many connections with DSS and all that he will just talk to her and get the ball rolling. He said yet again that if I fight him I will lose custody. I just ignored him and went on about my business. I think he likes seeing me suffer.


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## Hurtssomuch (Jan 2, 2010)

They are the ones that want out of the marriage but yet can't seem to let us go. I think they enjoy playing there games with us to see what kind of reaction they will get. Well I am not going to let him get to me. Like yesterday when I seen him after work he was dressed in his nice clothes and he made a point to tell him he was going out. I don't want to play his games anymore and we shouldn't have to. 

I have posted a few times on here but mostly I have been reading other peoples post but I think I need to start posting more to help with my recovery. It is nice to get things out in the open and write them down.

Thanks for the best wishes.


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