# Where do I stand? Divorce / House etc



## JohnLondon (Jul 27, 2012)

Wife is driving me crazy with her demands and expectations on everyone and me. Everyone including me is in the wrong. She's is the world's worse victim. And everyone is against her. 

She wants either to be the centre of all attention and when this is not received she wants to move to a new town. Getting into the same arguments over and over. And apparently she's the one who's depressed. 

Frankly, I'm stronger minded have a lot to live for so holding up. 

Anyway, now topic has come to divorce. And she showing her true colours. 

She wants me to move out to the spare room. Wants me to file for divorce. And wants half of the house. Which is in my name and I pay the mortgage. Also bought before we got married with my money for the deposit. 

She works, has a well paid job and either spends or saves her money. She contributes into a joint account for bills. But that's it. 

I also have a son for a previous relationship, and she's threatened that she won't always stay amicable around him. 

What can I do? What are my rights? Can I somehow get her to move out? 

I'm really getting stressed now.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Talk to a lawyer in your area. You don't have to move out of your bedroom, but most likely, neither does she. And she will likely be entitled to half the equity the house has gained over the period of the marriage, but that's where talking to a local lawyer is important. 

Good luck!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Go and file for divorce, and to hell with her other demands! I dont see her getting half of YOUR house...premarital property in your name only.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Agree with PBear on what she is or isn't entitled to.

I take it that you don't want to salvage the marriage? The tone of your post seems to indicate that you aren't willing to commit to what it might take to save it.

Assuming you don't want to save it, things will go sour quickly. She'll turn into the "woman scorned" and become your worst enemy quickly if you allow it. But for now, first note that barring a court order, you do NOT have to move out, whether out of the home or the bedroom. Don't make any moves that might be viewed unfavorably by a judge. (Hiding or stealing money, trying to force her out, damaging her reputation publicly, etc.) It sounds like you do not have any kids together with her so that simplifies things a LOT. Set up a call recording app on your phone if you have an android or apple phone and record all conversations between the two of you. You might also keep a closer eye on her activities to see if she has begun talking (or worse) with other men, as most states will at least take that into consideration (even in no fault states). 

Realize and accept that once you hire a lawyer, the divorce is all but certain. Their job is to win for you, not to help you decide what you want or help save your marriage. Hiring the lawyer will also trigger panic in her and likely shut down communication completely and from them on, exchanging messages with her might cost several hundred dollars per hour. Honestly if you want the divorce, I'd start engaging with conversation with her regarding the possibility of figuring out AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE between the two of you first. If you can resolve 90% of the issues yourself and put them in writing with two signatures, you'll save both of you a ton of money and headache. You might see if she is willing to just work with one lawyer (YOURS) who could then bring in a mediator to resolve the conflicts you couldn't solve yourselves, as that would cost a fraction of what two dueling lawyers in a court room will cost you, and likely produce the same result. (Experienced mediators will have a really really darn good idea of how a judge they likely know very well will end up ruling, so you might as well find a solution with them instead)

I hate, hate offering that kind of advice as I hate to see couples split, but it really sounds like you don't want to save your marriage.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

First of all, just because she demands it does not mean to have to comply. Unless it is a law or directed by the court, you do have a choice in the matter.

If you are done, the above advise is good stuff. I would add a little more. If you have no children together, this is just a property settlement. Try to treat it like a business deal and keep the emotion out of it.

Get your ducks in a row before you drop the official bomb:
- Research your states divorce requirements and get a couple of free (or low cost) consults with local lawyers. Learn your rights and what is required.
- If you have any personal items or heirlooms in the house that you want to keep, I would store them somewhere inaccessable to your wife. That way they don't get sold or "lost".
- Make copies of all important documents and store them as well.
- Make an inventory of all your combined household property. Again to ensure nothing is sold or "lost".
- Get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and keep it running whenever around your wife. The purpose is to protect you from a false domestic violence charge. In the event she might call the police, you will have evidence that shows what really happened.

If she is that volitile, I would expect all heck to break loose when she gets served. Do your best to take the high road. She may spread lies and rumors, I would not give her the satisfaction of responding to them.

And do your best to keep your son out of harms way. He is just a bystander in this process.


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## JohnLondon (Jul 27, 2012)

Argh, so we dealt with that argument that lead to her threats. 

She loves me to bits etc etc, but I don't. I'm not the type that forgets things that are said. 

I don't know now. I'll never cheat on her whilst we are married. I'll always consider and try sorting out differences out. But differences will always be there. So right now, I feel like an arshole. 

I'm keeping a distance whilst she thinks things are ok. Sounds bad right? But we are not having sex. We are a couple engaging with people as couples. 

Now and again, She wants hugs and kisses but that's it. We don't share interests. We don't have a common value system. 

I want to get out but seems hard, having been through one divorce.

For now, I'm just being a nice guy, I'll be there when she needs me, as a an acceptance for the fact that she fronts my family. I also make efforts with her mum, significant ones too.


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