# semi-nude photos



## anthonyr (Jun 26, 2021)

Hi! I'm still relatively new to these forums, so please be patient. I had posted previously and the advice was appreciated.

Not long ago, my wife's best friend's daughter was at our place - her iPad somehow connected to her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos / videos. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.

In June, I told her it's this man OR me. I told her that her friendship is over; that I wanted the photos deleted and to remove him from her phone. Things were good until recently.

While on vacation, I noticed that this guy sent her a message to her phone - simple news article. Now, she's talking about him frequently, seeming to attempt to normalize him / this situation - just random statements about him. She even said yesterday that she wanted him to babysit our daughter this weekend. I have no idea how to proceed. She has insisted that we weren't involved when the photos were taken.

Am I in the wrong and being jealous / insecure?

Thank you for reading.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

anthonyr said:


> Hi! I'm still relatively new to these forums, so please be patient. I had posted previously and the advice was appreciated.
> 
> Not long ago, my wife's best friend's daughter was at our place - her iPad somehow connected to her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos / videos. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.
> 
> ...


No you are not being insecure. She had a fairly boundaryless relationship with this guy to be taking those kind of photos. That alone would put me off of her, much less that she's still in communication with him.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, she is being ridiculous to have even kept those racy pictures and to still want this guy in your lives.

I wouldn't stand for it and I'm not jealous or insecure.

It seems really over the top.


----------



## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Phew. No contact, no reminders, out of your life, for "him" and the both of you. 
No talking about him, no pining for him. No vids, old ones or new ones. No chat rooms. No little play dates. No nothing. 

If the daughter saw daddy doo doo this and that with friends' mom, that's just another layer on the cake you don't need. 

It's one thing if this stupid picture thing is only between you her and the lampost. Otherwise, the first question to be asked is did she have this? Or what is this? 

There's a lot of reasons, in a number of directions to have some very bad feelings about a whole lot of things. And the triggers, yikes. 

I'm also thinking your W has most likely silly intentions. She means well. It's just very silly. 

This is only my opinion. I think anyone here would say most of that was definitely in weird territory.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Dump her.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Plus I wouldn't let this guy babysit your daughter.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

So your wife is having threesomes with her best friend and her husband?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She clearly has no boundaries with married people which may include your marriage. 
Cant work out why on earth their daughter had these photos? Did she see them???


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

From your earlier thread, did she end up going on that 3-way + daughter vacation? And you didn't go?

It's bad news here, she clearly doesn't respect your marriage more than her affair with the couple.
Chatting up the OM is going to only get worse and then you'll find those "more pictures" she was talking about. Except it will have today's date stamp.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

anthonyr said:


> While on vacation, I noticed that this guy sent her a message to her phone - simple news article. Now, she's talking about him frequently, seeming to attempt to normalize him / this situation - just random statements about him. She even said yesterday that she wanted him to babysit our daughter this weekend.


So, what was her tone when you talked about this? Remorseful, or defiant?


----------



## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

@anthonyr , I apologize because I don't feel like I have the energy today to write a whole post with my suggestions. It's not you, it's me.

Here are just a few points for you to consider

- I think you only know the partial truth, just the tip of the iceberg really. You only know this because accidentally the daughter's phone was synced with her father's phone

- If you hadn't seen it, I think you would likely have never known, because I don't think your "wife" has any intention of telling you about this

- After you made your boundaries clear in a dysfunctional way in the form of an ultimatum, your wife walked all over them. That should tell you the amount of respect she has for you. 

- At this point, any word that comes out of her mouth should be considered as suspect. Because she's an expert at lying to you and has been lying to you for a long time, so she know what it is that you want to hear and what is it that she needs to do to make you believe her. 

- I'm not sure how you can trust her at this point. 

Do what you will with this inconsequential list of bullet points. 

Good luck!


----------



## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

anthonyr said:


> Hi! I'm still relatively new to these forums, so please be patient. I had posted previously and the advice was appreciated.
> 
> Not long ago, my wife's best friend's daughter was at our place - her iPad somehow connected to her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos / videos. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.
> 
> ...


You are neither insecure nor are you jealous.

_In June, I told her it's this man OR me. I told her that her friendship is over; that I wanted the photos deleted and to remove him from her phone._

Pity you had her delete the photos. If you had opened the detailed information on any or all of them you would have found the date and time they were taken. Perhaps if you have access to her phone you can look and see if she has copies.

You set a very clear boundary - him or you. She is still talking to him so consider yourself plan b.

_While on vacation, I noticed that this guy sent her a message to her phone - simple news article. *Now, she's talking about him frequently, seeming to attempt to normalize him / this situation - just random statements about him.*_

He is on her mind and she will try any tactic to get you to accept him into your marriage and your life. You should assume they are still involved and sexually active. Get yourself tested for STDs.
_* 
She even said yesterday that she wanted him to babysit our daughter this weekend.* _

Will your wife be home with him to "babysit" your daughter? You might want to get a DNA test done to verify whether or not it is actually your daughter or this other man's.

_I have no idea how to proceed. _Speak to a lawyer at assess your situation. Consult with a PI if you are willing and can afford one. Get tested for STDs. DNA test your child. Divorce if you discover one or more ugly truths.

_*She has insisted that we weren't involved when the photos were taken. *_Do you have anyway to verify this is true? Were I in your place I would not be trusting your wife very much. Trust your gut because unlike a wayward spouse it will not lie to you. You have many reasons to be suspicious. Since you requested the evidence of her interaction with this other man be deleted it would be prudent for you to possibly hire a PI to help you seek out the truth and gather other documented evidence. Would also be helpful if you could look at the detailed information for the photos. There is recovery software available that you could run in an effort to recover the photos.

Do not ignore your instincts.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Everyone here has pretty much given you the good advice you need.

l am curious about what @Diana7 brought up.

how…… why would your wife ever think it is ok for this guy to babysit your daughter?! Would he be doing that babysitting with his own wife? Is this guy offering to do this or did your wife ask him? What is he getting out of this? Sounds like this isn’t the type of guy that does things out of the kindness of his heart. Is she doing “favors” for him for this babysitting job?


----------



## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

It seems to me that she has clearly chosen her relationship with him over her relationship with you. You can push her harder, but it will almost certainly move their relationship further underground. I think your only choices are to accept it or divorce. When faced with this she may make all kinds of promises, but I would not believe a single word she says. She clearly has shown that she will not give up their relationship. If you are willing to stay, fine. If you are not willing to accept this and are willing to divorce, sit her down briefly and make a very short statement. Tell her you love her and will not hold her back. Tell her she is free to keep the other man, but not as your wife. Tell her you are going to consult a lawyer. Lastly tell her that if she wants to save the marriage, she has to 100% come clean and prove to you that you should stay. Then walk away and start to implement the 180. Do not get into pointless discussions or bargaining sessions. Tell her to get her sh*t together and when she is ready you will sit down and talk. When that happens she should be able to clearly explain why her relationship with him is more important than her relationship with you. Do not accept any blame. This is 100% on her.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

anthonyr said:


> In June, *I told her it's this man OR me*. I told her that her friendship is over; that I wanted the photos deleted and to remove him from her phone.


So did you mean what you said? If so, seems to me that she decided it is him and *NOT* you. Gather you have been married only briefly, so likely won't cost much. You do realize that your wife's photo with the other guy, (taken by his wife?!, viewable by his daughter!? What a mess ) is likely everywhere on the internet. Maybe videos too. You should have run when you saw the pictures of her. She is way wilder than you want to be with in any kind of monogamous relationship.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, this is footloose alley cat behavior.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

anthonyr said:


> ...... her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. *In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos / videos*. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.
> 
> In June, I told her it's this man OR me. I told her that her friendship is over; that I wanted the photos deleted and to remove him from her phone. *Things were good until recently.*
> 
> ...


A few thoughts.

If this happened before you were involved with your wife, it should be water under the bridge and you have no right to remain jealous after your marriage. Of course that assumes you knew she had sown some wild oats prior to your marriage/involvement and you knew she was a wlld woman and were OK with that or at least hoped that marriage would tame her down a little bit.

For the man to have those video pictures on his camera, when he knows she is married is very wrong. It is even more wrong that his daughter's phone had access to them. That could be a legal crime in a lot of places. The dad should at a minimum be contacted and told to delete the videos or he could be turned in to police for a crime. Not sure if the OP or his wild wife should contact the guy with the videos to explain things to him.

You said you told your wife it was him or you. Good move, on your part. Now the question is did you just let if drop or have you talked to her about this, told her how it makes you feel, and more importantly how horrible those pictures could be for you, your wife, and your child if they got into the wrong hands? Have you talked to her about her continued interest in spending time with this man has you questioning her motives and how the two of your can bring trust back into your relationship? Yes, his wife is her "best friend," but it is questionable if her husband is worthy of being trusted.

As to wrong and jealous? I am not sure.

You certainly should have gotten to know your wife prior to marrying to be able to trust her. If you didn't do that, then it is a little late on your part to draw retroactive boundaries.

You can certainly negotiate boundaries with her for her future conduct, and that is totally the right thing to do. This would include boundaries on behaviors with the wife and her best friend, and when her best friend's husband might be around. Just to be on the safe side you might want to negotiate boundaries on any future "girls night out" activities along with getting in touch with old friends of hers prior to your marriage.

While you are at it, you might want to specifically ask her if there might be any more of "those kind" of photos or videos out there that she should ask to be destroyed, assuming that they aren't already posted to some Eastern European porn site. 

Good luck to you. I think you may have stumbled into a "lie of omission" of the first order. You should be horrified.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

You said “him or me.” She chose. I’m sorry, but she doesn’t deserve you.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If you go online and check your phone bill you’ll probably find the contact never ended.
You don’t know how to proceed? Seriously?
Shes going to walk all over you.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Thanks to @BeyondRepair007 , I checked your other thread.

You should change your username to #1Chump.

Please file for divorce already and get counseling to get your head straight.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

anthonyr said:


> Hi! I'm still relatively new to these forums, so please be patient. I had posted previously and the advice was appreciated.
> 
> Not long ago, my wife's best friend's daughter was at our place - her iPad somehow connected to her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. *In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos* / videos. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.
> 
> ...


This post reads like a Grady Seasons line in The Color of Money.

But the last part in red was what in my mind, the real nightmare. 
My God Man, do you really not know how to proceed?

This woman needs papers worse than a California hippie with a bag full of reefer.


----------



## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

The way I see it, you clearly aren't into the lifestyle, so when you gave the ultimatum, you need to follow through. 

Being here, asking what you're asking just shows you set a boundary that you didn't really intend to enforce.

I feel sorry for you, your wife is not who you thought she was, and I can see you're going to eat poo from her until she tires of your weak behavior and moves on.

There is only one option from here that will be healthy for you, but the signs already obvious you aren't going to make the right choice for yourself. 

Hopium and inertia wins again


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I just looked at your thread from July 2021, months ago, with essentially the same content. That last one mentioned your wife going off somewhere for a FMF romp. I assume that and other "incidents" have continued. He doing her hard and often. Since you didn't follow through with your ultimatum, you KNOW that your wife will do whatever debauchery she feels like. In that previous thread you mentioned intimacy with you had stopped, so you already know she chose him and not you. 

So again, why are you still in this movie months later wondering what to do? In particular, are you planning to protect your daughter from your wife and her FBs? If not why not? Do your daughters grandparents know what is going on? Do the authorities know your wife's FB is exposing HIS daughter to his and your wife's activities? Those are some sick puppies.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Anthony,

I'm sorry but it's in your best interest to get a DNA test for your child.

What your WW, OM and OMW/OW are doing to you and your family is sick.

This man and likely his W feel entitled to be in your life.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

anthonyr said:


> Am I in the wrong and being jealous / insecure?


Jealousy and insecurity are normal emotions when one's spouse is involved with someone else. 

You are in the wrong for weakness and inaction.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

So you’ve been with this woman for years, and she tells you they were from before you and her were together, but you know she has slept with him while you were together?
She takes money from your joint account.
She’s lied to you. 
You say their daughter has seen the racy photos.
Etc, etc. 

Do you like being cuckolded? Or the word that slips my mind from the bdsm language? 
If not you’re gonna have to man up.


----------



## EranTeicher (11 mo ago)

anthonyr said:


> Hi! I'm still relatively new to these forums, so please be patient. I had posted previously and the advice was appreciated.
> 
> Not long ago, my wife's best friend's daughter was at our place - her iPad somehow connected to her father's phone (he wasn't in attendance). Photos of my wife's best friend's husband were displayed. In the photos, my wife (we were only involved at the time) is semi-nude, grabbing this man's penis - seemingly masturbating him. He's grabbing her breasts and spanking her in photos / videos. I was shocked. His wife took these pictures. This seemed dysfunctional to me.
> 
> ...


Of course you're not in the wrong for feeling disturbed around this, this IS disturbing. As a Psychologist and relationships counselor, I can recommend a really great free service that helps with these kinds of issues.


----------



## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

marko polo said:


> You are neither insecure nor are you jealous.
> 
> _In June, I told her it's this man OR me. I told her that her friendship is over; that I wanted the photos deleted and to remove him from her phone._
> 
> ...


amen


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@anthonyr, any updates?


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Plus I wouldn't let this guy babysit your daughter.


I totally agree. Wtf is up with your wife wanting her “former” lover to watch your daughter? Could it be that he’s the biological father? I agree that you should try to retrieve those pics to look at the meta data. When exactly were these pics taken? 

And no, you’re not being jealous or insecure. That is some seriously I’ll **** for this guy to have of your wife. You better be sure about your daughter and that there hasn’t been recent activity with this guy.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Um, yea. You need to divorce this woman, not just because of those pics you found but because she would dare to ask this guy to watch your daughter?

She’s extraordinarily reckless and lacks boundaries. I can’t.😑


----------



## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

DNA test and NC with the OM.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So why haven’t you called the police? Their daughter had photos/videos of your wife having sex with her dad. Did your daughter see it?

I asked this the last time this story was posted.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@anthonyr His wife took the photos. How do you know this?


----------

