# In reference to the Nice Guy thread.....Bad girls - Good girls



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I was reading the nice guy threads and I was wondering....what kinda woman do most men like ???

Bad girls or good girls....and what makes a bad girl a bad girl and a good girl a good girl ?!?!?

What does the "perfect" woman have to have for you ??? (I put perfect in quotation marks because I know there is hardly a perfect woman  )


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I found something....

Answers.com - What do men look for in a woman


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I like a 'good girl' with a bad side and some shocking dirty secrets that you would never expect from such a 'good girl'. I'm not attracted to the classic bad girl archetype.


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## missconfused (Nov 19, 2010)

What about that bad girl with good girl tendencies>


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dale&Alex,

MEM had a good post awhile back that rated women on a conflict scale of 1-5.

In short, he surmises that we want the biggest beatch we're able to successfully handle.

It's food for thought.


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## OldTex (Nov 14, 2010)

I think a lot of me want a Lady in the day time and public and a W***E at night with Him


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

OldTex said:


> I think a lot of me want a Lady in the day time and public and a W***E at night with Him


Tex,

That sounds much like what BigBadWolf experiences.

Have you ever tried his methods?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm very easy going and laid back. My wife has an Alpha personality. I guess you could call her a "bad" girl - at least in attitude.

I can't imagine how boring my life might be had a married a "nice girl." I think that there is always one person in the relationship who brings a spark, or certain level of excitement. My wife has that spark.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

OldTex said:


> I think a lot of me want a Lady in the day time and public and a W***E at night with Him


That's what I wanted to say!

And I am a woman like this!

My husband is super happy!!!


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

Yup that's exactly it. A nice girl, who is only like that with me alone!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I'm a very, very nice girl but I can be very, very bad. Typically I avoid conflict in public with strangers including mean grocery clerks or people who cut lines, etc. I will always defer to my husband when it comes to paying the check and love for him to hold the door open for me but at home it's a different story. I need to feel empowered as well as safe at home so if I start to feel these things slide I will get b***** and/or distant. In the bedroom, depends on the mood but let's just say I have no problem with dominance/submission in the bedroom at all.


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## Guy43 (Nov 24, 2010)

My wife just left after 14.5 years of marriage. I feel that I was the nice guy, always doing what was right for our kids and caring more about her than myself - (her 3 boys and our daughter). She suffers from major depression and really bad mood swings - she has seen counseling, but she states she just needs to be happy with herself before she can be happy with us. Well, we are going on 2 weeks, and things are getting easier to go on without her. There is sadness in the house, but no tension or depression. Did I mention that we have filed for an uncontested divorce and I get our daughter - and her boys want to stay with me. (one almost in college, the other in college - so they wont be around long - but it makes me feel like I did something right.) Well, nice guys finish last.

I dont know why I put up with it all those years. But I truly want a nice girl, who knows that family is important, and can just enoy life without thinking the whole world sucks. I am scared of how I will act in my next relationship - if there ever will be one. I am afraid I will be very detached and distant. This could keep me from meeting someone to grow old with. Please let me know that there are some decent women out there.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Guy43 said:


> My wife just left after 14.5 years of marriage. I feel that I was the nice guy, always doing what was right for our kids and caring more about her than myself - (her 3 boys and our daughter). She suffers from major depression and really bad mood swings - she has seen counseling, but she states she just needs to be happy with herself before she can be happy with us. Well, we are going on 2 weeks, and things are getting easier to go on without her. There is sadness in the house, but no tension or depression. Did I mention that we have filed for an uncontested divorce and I get our daughter - and her boys want to stay with me. (one almost in college, the other in college - so they wont be around long - but it makes me feel like I did something right.) Well, nice guys finish last.
> 
> I dont know why I put up with it all those years. But I truly want a nice girl, who knows that family is important, and can just enoy life without thinking the whole world sucks. I am scared of how I will act in my next relationship - if there ever will be one. I am afraid I will be very detached and distant. This could keep me from meeting someone to grow old with. Please let me know that there are some decent women out there.


Guy,

Seriously, go to a counselor. Find a good one.

Make peace with yourself.

You'll never regret it. And, as a healthy byproduct, what you should do going forward will become crystal clear.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> I was reading the nice guy threads and I was wondering....what kinda woman do most men like ???
> 
> Bad girls or good girls....and what makes a bad girl a bad girl and a good girl a good girl ?!?!?


My husband says a lady on the street and a minx in the sheets.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

I remember reading an article about this question, and wish I had saved it because the psychologist broke down answers given by men into a few basic traits that most men desire.

Basically, personalities can vary, but most men want a mate who believes in them even though they know their flaws. Someone who believes them to be capable of achieving their dreams, and verbalizes this with affirming language.

Sounds hoakey, but when I was a very troubled teenager, I always remember the girlfriend who believed in me. We were friends since childhood. So, I'm not one of the nice guys. At work, I'm labelled as a highly agressive, yet high empathy. For a number of years, though, I went to a boy's school for troubled (mostly violent) boys. Finally, when I went back to normal school (her school), I was picked to join a new program for gifted kids. That was the wrong label for my area. Meant that I had to be ready to fight. Guys who love reading Kant don't last long in an environment where the favorite pasttime is brawling. (And the guys from the neighborhood gang would recognize me by my screenname here)

Every day, when I got out of detention, she was there, waiting. She'd hold my hand at lunch to keep me out of trouble, but I just enjoyed her kisses. Told me I didn't belong there. 

After a short stint of living on the streets when my step mother kicked me out, I had to move away and she became a model, and married another. I selected one of seven sholarship offers and never looked back.

Maybe this is only relevant to me and my situation, but this is probably the only thing I'd change about my wife if I was able.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

My wife is the nicest little sweet wife..and I'm a nice guy..so our marriage is pretty damn boring...I bring the spark to the marriage..I'm a nice guy in the day but at night I'm like a Male Gigalo..people who know me dont have any idea that I'm a sexual freak like I am..except my wife and she's never into it like I am..leaves so much desired in our marriage...feels like I married a sweet old lady.


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## datingopinionz (Jan 28, 2012)

rome2012 said:


> I was reading the nice guy threads and I was wondering....what kinda woman do most men like ???
> 
> Bad girls or good girls....and what makes a bad girl a bad girl and a good girl a good girl ?!?!?
> 
> What does the "perfect" woman have to have for you ??? (I put perfect in quotation marks because I know there is hardly a perfect woman  )


To cut long story short I'd say, i like a girl who acts nice to people and me in public and acts naughty in bed 

Be a good girl in public and bad girl when you are alone with your partner, that's super super sexy... at-lest to me!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

couple said:


> I like a 'good girl' with a bad side and some shocking dirty secrets that you would never expect from such a 'good girl'. I'm not attracted to the classic bad girl archetype.


:iagree:

Yep a good girl with dirty fantasies that she plays out only with me.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

I think that's what every men wants: be nice girl in public, bad in bed.

BUT, I would like my wife to be more than just sweet and all cute- I want her to be strong, to have leadership skills, to go places and do things on her own yet always come back to me at the end... just like I do


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

My impulse is to say I like bad girls but that is not really true. Because I have known many actual bad girls and it is often used as a code word for dysfunctional, addicted or crazy. If I am going to marry a woman I want her to be capable of following "the rules" sufficiently to hold down a job and to maintain relationships with friends and family.

However, my impulse is to stay far away from "good girls" because too often "good girl" is a code word for religious and or asexual and or prudish. In fact I don't associate actual "goodness" with any of those traits. Virgins don't appeal to me and I don't like to feel like I need to convince her to have sex.

I like passionate intense women. What appeals to me is actual goodness which I equate with a kind heart and the capacity for empathy. The "bad" that appeals to me is the ability to think beyond social or cultural norms to find her own way in life.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I think that my preference in this area (girls who act good but deep down are bad) grew from my experience. I take a sexual interpretation of 'bad' here. 

As I first started dating and getting into sex, I was always attracted to the 'good girls' (good families, good grades, dress conservatively, don't get into trouble, etc). Perhaps this is because I was a 'good boy' and it just seemed like the right fit. But as I got closer to 'good girls', most of them had sexual dark sides. They would tell me things that would shock me as a naive young man. Things like wanting anal and pain, rape fantasies, multiple guys, desire to be dominated if not humiliated, etc, etc. Seeing the dark sides of these 'good girls' emerge provided me a lot of excitement as my sexuality discovered. The contrast between the outward behavior and the inner 'dirty' desires is very interesting. Some were also conflicted between these two sides - good girls doing things that they knew were 'wrong' which added excitement as their desires and activities were 'forbidden'.

Thank you for letting me share my experience with this.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Why do people consider a woman that is sexual a "bad girl". Does not compute but that's what it sounds like when you say I like a good girl but with a little freak in her. I like good girls. I don't have time for b*tchy or disrespectful people in my life.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Kobo said:


> Why do people consider a woman that is sexual a "bad girl". Does not compute but that's what it sounds like when you say I like a good girl but with a little freak in her. I like good girls. I don't have time for b*tchy or disrespectful people in my life.



Unfortunately there is a historical societal distrust of sexuality which underlies the notion of what it means to not only be a "good girl" but also a "good guy"

The difference is some women might proudly refer to themselves as a "good girl" very few men would want to be described as a "good guy". The latter term is a nice way to say a wimp with no sexual charisma. 

But I agree that if "bad girl" simply means "*****y" it is not appealing unless you enjoy verbal abuse (and some people do  ).


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Kobo said:


> Why do people consider a woman that is sexual a "bad girl". Does not compute but that's what it sounds like when you say I like a good girl but with a little freak in her. I like good girls. I don't have time for b*tchy or disrespectful people in my life.


maybe uninhibited would have been a better word. thats what i want in private


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I've always been attracted to the shy/naive type. 

But from the link Rome posted here's what I want

* A woman who will make an effort to please him. 

* A woman who makes an effort to look her best. 
* Someone who is caring. All men want to be looked after. 

* Someone who has faith in him. 

* A woman who is strong yet sometimes submissive. 

* A woman who is strong but does not have an attitude. 

* Someone who is not too loud. 
* A sense of humor. 

* A freak in the bedroom. 

* A positive personality
* A woman with a good soul. (I think this is perhaps the most important in my opinion. Once you find a woman with a genuinely good heart, she's a keeper.)

* A woman who has a great smile and loves to laugh and be herself but can also be intelligent and serious.


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## wilco (Mar 5, 2012)

I want a bad girl in the bedroom and a good girl on my arm.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

My interpretation is that men who want good girls for commitment, clearly value a sexually repressed woman not an uninhabited one, else why shun uninhibited women for commitment.

I understand that these men feel that good girls evoke little sexual jealousy, are thought to be more malleable to the sexual likes and dislikes of the man.

Moreover, he feels she is unlikely to cheat and being relatively naive, she has no basis to evaluate the quality of his sexual skills. 

Good girls have been socialized to see their sexuality as a negative by men, has she not? She sacrifices her enjoyment of her sexuality so that she can get married and have children 

After that self-sacrifice, is she likely to risk losing her value in his eyes by revealing a side of herself that was unwelcome the day before she won her prize?? 

Besides, it begs the question, why should men who punish women who enjoy their sexuality, expect to be rewarded for their efforts by enjoying it when it happens to benefits them? 

Is it not a law of nature that we all reap what we sow? I don't see that so strong a relationship between cause and effect is suspended in the realm of male - female sexual relationships

What do you think?


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

Way way back, I started dating my WW because I knew she was open to experimentation in the bedroom. That part of our relationship has worked out well, but I can provide first hand experience that what you see if what you are going to get. My WW was a wild girl with boys, and she couldn't turn if off after marriage. Of course, I discovered she had affairs, the most recent of which I exposed last year. It was really the first time we addressed things after years of a low maintenance, but fight free marriage. I got used to accepting that things didn't seem quite right, though I hadn't really investigated.

So in my experience, a 'bad girl' which is more often than not correlated with an experienced girl, will be tougher to manage than a good girl that hasn't had many sexual experiences.

The key is to make sure any particular bad girl is ready to settle down, and if you try to settle into marriage too early and she is attractive, it will be tough for her to resist the passes from other guys.

Oh, by the way, after my older brother corrupted me with his porn collection early on in my teens, I've never looked back. My wife is game for almost anything, which is huge in my book. At this point, if I were to give it a go with a shy, good girl, one of two things would happen - I would pull up my pants and say "I'm going to go grab a milk shake, this isn't working", OR, said good girl would kick me out pronto on just my warm up moves.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

rome2012 said:


> I was reading the nice guy threads and I was wondering....what kinda woman do most men like ???
> 
> Bad girls or good girls....and what makes a bad girl a bad girl and a good girl a good girl ?!?!?
> 
> What does the "perfect" woman have to have for you ??? (I put perfect in quotation marks because I know there is hardly a perfect woman  )


 A man wants the same thing any woman wants..... a faithful committed loving spouse who cares for our needs...AND who knows how to get down & dirty in the bedroom.... flirt tease & please with uninhibited passion.... knows how to light our fire & bring us to our knees in panting lust. Such enthusiam shows a woman is INTO YOU, she craves you, wants all of you. 

But.... if she can't be faithful to one man... it destroys it all. That goes for the men too! We want all that alpha dog excitement & romance -just for us, his Lady. 


This, compliments from ThreeTimesaLady...catches the essence of what ALL men want , and deeply...(so I believe)...I found this on another forum before I even landed here, I was so inspired by it, I made copies - stuffed them in some of my books...funny how I found HER here later & figured out it was the same poster, just by the way she was expressing herself! 



> *Sex* is desiring him every time you look at him. Needing him to fill that wonderful yearning deep inside you that needs filling & to die for. *Sex *is having breasts that ached to be touched & loved & you can not live without it. *Sex* is waking him up in the middle of the night as you need him & want him & then you find that he wants you just as much & you make love for an hour & get up & have coffee & wonder where the years have gone. *Sex* is finding the thrill after years of a man that can still make you scream & turn you to mush. *Sex* is turning him into a crazy man who wants you more than his own life.
> 
> Now. *Love* is being able to see some fault in your lover but shutting your mouth for the good of a marriage. *Love* is having to give & take in a marriage. Learning where to stop an argument when it is not important to win. Winning sometimes can be losing. *Love* is being able to find in that precious other the boy in the man that you fell in love when you 1st married. *Love* is being able to go to the sexiest side of you & turn that man into mush after all these years. *Love* is being able to hear from your lover that if you die first he will follow you as he cannot live without you . *Love* is the sunshine in the morning when it is cloudy out but seeing him next to you makes your world.
> 
> *Love* is being able to say screwing & not being embarrassed plus any other really dirty word in the bedroom as he loves it. The dirtier the better as we all know that ladies do not talk dirty with those wonderful words but we also know as ladies that when we enter our bedroom to our precious that we leave the lady at the door. We then turn into his sex siren. As hot & as sensual as can be. And then we all know that when we leave that bedroom we again pick up the lady. All us ladies must have the two faces of Eve. This makes for a very very fullfilling marriage, full of intimacy and Love. A man would never stray if he had this.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

rome2012 said:


> I was reading the nice guy threads and I was wondering....what kinda woman do most men like ???
> 
> Bad girls or good girls....and what makes a bad girl a bad girl and a good girl a good girl ?!?!?
> 
> What does the "perfect" woman have to have for you ??? (I put perfect in quotation marks because I know there is hardly a perfect woman  )


A lady in the street but a freak in the sheets. 

A good girl follows the rules. She'd make a good mother and wife. She doesn't cuss. She doesn't drink much. She doesn't stay out late or party hard. She dresses classy. Good girls are always worried about what others think of them. She's shy and cute. Sex is a lovey dovey affair.

A bad girl takes what she wants and breaks the rules if necessary. She curses with confidence and will do shots of tequila with you. When you least expect it, she whispers in your ear that she's going to blow you in the car later. She shows off her body and flirts without shame. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks. She's confident and sexy. Sex is wild and passionate... and experimental.

What we want: both... being able to turn it on and off when appropriate.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

A woman of substance can be both to a man in the right ways.

I'm worth it. I don't really care if they are a rare find. I just will not settle for anything less.

Who the heck wants to be married to a bad girl? Give me a freakin break. Get serious folks. To assume that a woman cannot be a good person and enjoy sex with her husband is absurd. I am not saying it is common. I only need one.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Kobo said:


> Why do people consider a woman that is sexual a "bad girl". Does not compute but that's what it sounds like when you say I like a good girl but with a little freak in her. I like good girls. I don't have time for b*tchy or disrespectful people in my life.


Exactly. Bad girls have a whole other connotation than just an easy lay. They are low class, cannot be trusted and are self indulgent skanks.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Carriage my dear, carriage. It's how you carry yourself.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Good and bad are moralistic terms, and thus aren't defined by individuals but by societal norms. Here we're really just talking about "good" and "bad" in the friendly popular sense. Wearing skimpy outfits and being freaky in bed is associated with promiscuity, and thus being a bad girl. That's why an overtly sexual woman is deemed bad girl.

I don't have a negative connotation with either bad or good girls. I like them both. The term "bad girl" should not be mistaken for "bad person" in the moral sense.

I like bad girls.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Good and bad are moralistic terms, and thus aren't defined by individuals but by societal norms. Here we're really just talking about "good" and "bad" in the friendly popular sense. Wearing skimpy outfits and being freaky in bed is associated with promiscuity, and thus being a bad girl. That's why an overtly sexual woman is deemed bad girl.
> 
> I don't have a negative connotation with either bad or good girls. I like them both. The term "bad girl" should not be mistaken for "bad person" in the moral sense.
> 
> I like bad girls.


In no way do I define a bad girl in this way. You can if you want, but when discussing things like this one has to define the terms.

In my definition a bad girl is a bad person. You are looking for a naughty girl. LOL.

See I am not as repressed as this. I do not see a woman who likes sex to be bad in any way. I guess if I was repressed I might see it that way.

Bad girls have BFs and husbands but end up out all night, have no boundaries and do things like blow strippers.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Good and bad are moralistic terms, and thus aren't defined by individuals but by societal norms. Here we're really just talking about "good" and "bad" in the friendly popular sense. Wearing skimpy outfits and being freaky in bed is associated with promiscuity, and thus being a bad girl. That's why an overtly sexual woman is deemed bad girl.
> 
> I don't have a negative connotation with either bad or good girls. I like them both. The term "bad girl" should not be mistaken for "bad person" in the moral sense.
> 
> I like bad girls.


When we (men) consider a women that enjoys sex and being/dressing sexy to be a "bad girl" then we cannot complain when the "good girl" we marry won't give us a BJ.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> In no way do I define a bad girl in this way. You can if you want, but when discussing things like this one has to define the terms.
> 
> In my definition a bad girl is a bad person. You are looking for a naughty girl. LOL.
> 
> ...


lol I'm certainly not repressed... but the association isn't yours to dictate. Society still considers it taboo for a woman to dress provocatively, and a number of things - hence bad girl. Bad girl is synonymous with naughty girl.

If a bad girl is a bad person, then the mention of gender is a little empty as the traits that make someone a bad person aren't tied to gender like sexual stereotypes are. Using "girl" is intended to have a more innocent or harmless connotation.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Kobo said:


> When we (men) consider a women that enjoys sex and being/dressing sexy to be a "bad girl" then we cannot complain when the "good girl" we marry won't give us a BJ.


Well the truth is that every woman is a blend of both the good and bad girl, in varying blends.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Exactly. Bad girls have a whole other connotation than just an easy lay. They are low class, cannot be trusted and are self indulgent skanks.


See, my word for that is "skank" or "trash". haha


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> lol I'm certainly not repressed... but the association isn't yours to dictate. Society still considers it taboo for a woman to dress provocatively, and a number of things - hence bad girl. Bad girl is synonymous with naughty girl.
> 
> If a bad girl is a bad person, then the mention of gender is a little empty as the traits that make someone a bad person aren't tied to gender like sexual stereotypes are. Using "girl" is intended to have a more innocent or harmless connotation.


LOL back at you. Just being assertive does not make you right. Bad girl, bad boy. Bad people. 

Not even going to follow you down your line of thought because my experience is that you are way off base. You have all sorts of nuances to this that you define as society. Maybe you do live in such a society. 

Please look into the Madonna Wh0re complex sir. This is what you speak.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> See, my word for that is "skank" or "trash". haha


Yes, indeed it is almost like language has many ways of expressing things. So one could use two words such as bad and girl and combine them is a way to modify the meaning of ... girl. Good. Good. To change gender then one could combine the word bad with ... boy. Bad boy. A bad boy is not just a guy who is not sexually repressed. 

Bad girls are skanky. A woman is not either a good girl or a bad girl. Life is shades of gray. One does not make a choice in a woman. You do not have to decide between the two. Bad girls can not be trusted.

Then there are nasty girls, naughty girls and so on.

Personally I prefer women. YMMV

Now me. I rely on the urban dictionary. As you aware there are varying definitions here -> Bad Girl

And here -> Bad Boy

So some people use the term bad in a positive sense. That ride is bad man.
This is some bad sh!t.

So you are using it in that manner. Ok fine. Go for it. I look for balance so if you can have a bad boy you can have their counterpart of bad girl.

Look at that bad boy referring again to something very cool. But when we talk abou a woman liking a bad boy it is more than just about cool, though that is part of it. A bad boy is likely someone untrustworthy. Someone likely to cheat.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Entropy3000 said:


> I do not see a woman who likes sex to be bad in any way. I guess if I was repressed I might see it that way.


Yes, if you were Repressed -you would struggle with this, as I did in my youth, anything outside of intercourse seemed "wrong" to me when I married, too pornish, too stripperish.... Repression can really screw up what should have been a beautiful thing between a husband and a wife.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Nothing helps to promote repression (specifically sexual repression as it relates to this thread) more than labelling ("good" girl/"bad" girl, "lady"/"wh0re") and shaming.

Until we can quit attaching all of the labels, doing shaming tactics, and truly embrace PEOPLE for who/what they are, we, as both a society and as individuals, won't get very far in shaking off those chains of repression.

It starts within each one of us - we each can stop the labelling and shaming today.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> Nothing helps to promote repression (specifically sexual repression as it relates to this thread) more than labelling ("good" girl/"bad" girl, "lady"/"wh0re") and shaming.
> 
> Until we can quit attaching all of the labels, doing shaming tactics, and truly embrace PEOPLE for who/what they are, we, as both a society and as individuals, won't get very far in shaking off those chains of repression.
> 
> It starts within each one of us - we each can stop the labelling and shaming today.


I agree. I really don't like the terms at least in reference to sex. I have enough life experience to know women who by any measure must be described a "good" if not conservative and uptight, but still have a strong burning desire for sex, and other women who look like rebellious rule breakers but are essentially asexual.

It's just a hollow stereotype


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Whatever works for folks. We have different personallity types that we generally operate with.

I try to treat people one on one. However, in life since we have to interact with many thousands of people in short spurts, we do not get to really know them. It is great to have a general respect for fellow human beings. I have that.

BUT, and remember I am a guy, I have certain repsonsibilities in a family scenario. I make judgements because I have to. Many of the prejudices we have are for our own survival. It is risk versus reward.

So in a crowd for example, I am constantly assessing the situation in many ways. There is no doubt I will use my lifes experience to do this. Before we know folks we have to classify folks very quickly. It does not mean that my assessment is not dynamically changing as information comes in.

Pragmatically, I am capable at a glance of activity to "label" someone as a *possible risk / threat* until more information arrives. Kinda like the terminator. This may or may not be influeneced by my T level. But it is not limited to this. I may see a person who looks friendly. I could be very wrong. They may be a threat. Yes I am ex military. 

Hug to everyone!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Nothing helps to promote repression (specifically sexual repression as it relates to this thread) more than labelling ("good" girl/"bad" girl, "lady"/"wh0re") and shaming.
> 
> Until we can quit attaching all of the labels, doing shaming tactics, and truly embrace PEOPLE for who/what they are, we, as both a society and as individuals, won't get very far in shaking off those chains of repression.
> 
> It starts within each one of us - we each can stop the labelling and shaming today.


I have questions. If a husband uses terms like [email protected] and [email protected], loose as descriptive of women whose activities he disapproves, do you think it might have an effect on a his wife's view of the type of woman her husband respects. 

Do you think it would be a reasonable response that she internalizes his negative views of women who are not sexually repressed? Do you think she might avoid falling into behavior that he views as contemptible? What effect if any, might it have on her sexual expression with her husband. 

It is a loaded question, but I would like to know what people think.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> LOL back at you. Just being assertive does not make you right.


I think you've misinterpreted my tone. I'm simply saying that the meaning of these words is not necessarily literal and that male and female roles and perception exist in the context of societal norms and history.

A bad girl, a dirty girl, a naughty girl... all describe a sexually adventurous girl because of the social norm context, it doesn't mean they're bad human beings.

Taking some of the other sexual words used to deride women...

w hore... is someone who has sex for money automatically a bad person? Not to my mind.

s lut... a girl who doesn't require commitment to have sex and gets it from whoever she wants when she wants... much like most guys would, but a guy does this and he's a "player". She's perceived as "bad", but really, what makes either a bad person? You want to have sex with a bunch of people... so what?

If you ask the average guy if they want a good girl vs a bad girl in bed... most will probably answer "bad girl". I don't think its because they want to sleep with ****ty people. haha

You're being too literal, progressive/politically correct imo. But hey, its all semantics at this point right?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

you're only a bad girl if you break it off in you.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Whatever works for folks. We have different personallity types that we generally operate with.
> 
> I try to treat people one on one. However, in life since we have to interact with many thousands of people in short spurts, we do not get to really know them. It is great to have a general respect for fellow human beings. I have that.
> 
> ...


You remind me of myself. This entire post could have come from my mind. haha


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I have questions. If a husband uses terms like [email protected] and [email protected], loose as descriptive of women whose activities he disapproves, do you think it might have an effect on a his wife's view of the type of woman her husband respects.
> 
> Do you think it would be a reasonable response that she internalizes his negative views of women who are not sexually repressed? Do you think she might avoid falling into behavior that he views as contemptible? What effect if any, might it have on her sexual expression with her husband.
> 
> It is a loaded question, but I would like to know what people think.


Depends how how its used. I can see those terms getting thrown around in a sort of roleplay with no problem. ie talking dirty... dom/sub.

I don't think it changes the guy's real understanding and respect for his gf/wife. Honestly, I think that kind of play is probably sexually liberating.

Now, if a guy is pointing out women on the street and saying they look like s luts or whatever, or otherwise putting behaviors in a negative light, sure that's going to have a repressive effect on her. The guy is a dumb arse and shooting himself in the foot imo.


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