# 90 days later, oh how the tables have turned....



## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

I'm sorry for going MIA. I have ADHD, so this is how I roll. Sorry, but it only seems like yesterday I posted.

Also sorry for the drunken tirade 3 months ago. I think I didn't come back for a while because I was embarrassed, but then "life" happened and well.... I do want to thank everyone for your support. 

And I'd like to give an update. If anyone is interested.

Interested? Well, OK then...

Short recap is I was told by my wife she didn't want to be married anymore. I could of been the angry guy, but I realized I wanted to be an upstanding man for my daughter's sake ( I want the bar for what a good man is extremely high.) and got into the 180 mainly for me to recalibrate my life. Because I was in a big hole, but didn't realize it at the time. My wife was dead-set that she didn't want to try counselling, reconcile, etc. So I embraced this head on and was a not just a good guy, but a man that stood for something and was fair and honest. So we get back together after our 10 year anniversary, which actually was a shock, given I accepted her wishes and was ready to move on.

Well, it's been a bit over 90 days since then. During which I embraced some of the things I read that touched home. Such as Hold on to your N.U.T.S. 1) She's not my mother. 2) I own the sex/flirting department 3) Don't argue and 4) Listen and don't offer solutions all the time. This was good stuff. We had some of the best sex ever and became more close than ever.

Because I've been beating back the ADHD I have our whole life dialed in. Meaning, I have house keepers, landscapers, a personal assistant and a bookkeeper that come and go which has allowed me to focus on what I do best. Without understanding I had ADHD and trying to control it, I never would of been able to pull all this together. We now have more free time as a family and I'm not always in the weeds.

The rub has been since I've been highly focused and kicking ass with my business, and our QOL has improved greatly. But this is pretty much a one-way street. I'm doing ALL the work. I initiate the issues that need to be addressed with the children, as well as the flirty/sex department (OK, that was a bit too close), or knocking down our debt and planning future projects on all fronts. Basically, if I don't bring it up or do it, its not going to happen. The more I do, it seems the less she does. I realize now I'm married to a completely self absorbed person. And I feel taken for granted, or advantage of, in many respects.

So, I don't know. Yesterday I went to a local trade show in a field that was pretty interesting to me. I've been taking back my life by embracing the many things I gave up for the marriage. And I met a ton of woman interested in what I'm interested in, who seemed really comfortable growing old in their own skin (My wife does lots of botox, etc.) and it really hit home that I'm NOT at ALL engaged with who I'm married too. I hate the term "Soul Mate" but it'd be great to have a wife initiate hanky-panky once and a while, or dig at least one thing I love to do (Mountain Bike, Snow Board, Surf and Maker's Fair)

Not sure what I'm trying to say, or how I got her. But this forum has been insanely valuable for me when I've felt weak or alone. And just want to put this out there.

I don't want to get a divorce. I always felt that I was better than that, but here I sit and feel, "Wow. I know exactly how my wife wife must have felt at some point last year."

Strange how the tables can turn.

Anyway, thank you to all for sharing and caring.

Jose


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Sometimes when manning up, we may eventually realize that our wife is no longer what we want or need. Now that your stronger, all the reasons you thought you needed to stay may have jut ended up being excuses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So now wth your realization, what next? Do you give it time to work out, or do you tell you wife what you wrot above hoping she will step up herself or you leave?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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