# Wife is a rude morning person!



## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

So after 8 years of marriage I have already figured out that my wife can be quite rude or obnoxious in the morning by talking too loudly, waking me up to ask silly questions that could have waited, or just plain being real noisy while I am trying to sleep!

Take for instance this morning; I don't have to be into work until noon but had a dental appointment at 9:00am so I wasn't getting up until about 8:00am, but my wife is up at 5:30am every morning for work and for some reason was extra noisy today! So after dealing with her turning on hallway lights and being noisy in our bathroom I was up and down until about 7:00am, and then I fell back asleep finally but once that alarm went off I was DEAD tired so I did not get up, which means I had to call and cancel my appointment until Monday because of her morning behavior.

So does anyone else have a spouse that needs proper morning skills or should have learned all that long ago? And before anyone asks the answer is YESSSS we have "talked about this" repeatedly, and she claims it is not on purpose and that I need to learn how to ignore things better.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

If she says its not on purpose, then maybe you both can find a compromise? She very well may not be aware of how loud shes being. Some people are like that, they have no clue of their surroundings, whats going on in their surroundings etc.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

After about the 3rd convo I would have gotten some ear plugs and a blackout mask.

Some people are rude and don't care. Is this your wife in other areas of your relationship or just some annoying thing she does in the AM? I would have gone to my appointment. She's predictable (it sounds like) so I would expect her to do the same thing next week...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Ear plugs make it hard to hear the alarm, though...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Is there another room in the house that you can make into her dressing room and where she can get ready for work in the morning? You and your wife have the same schedule as me and my (now ex) boyfriend when we lived together. I kept all my clothes and make up in the guest room. Even used the guest shower. Only thing he had to deal with was my alarm going off. I'd get up quietly, shut the door and do my thang. 

Is this a possibility for you?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

PBear said:


> Ear plugs make it hard to hear the alarm, though...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she's awake, she'll hear it and can wake him up then. Or he can use the alarm on his cell phone to vibrate if he can stick the phone near the pillow. Anyway, ear plugs aren't sound proof (I have experience in sleeping with a snorer - snoring can still be heard through ear plugs). A loud alarm right by his head would work fine.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PBear said:


> Ear plugs make it hard to hear the alarm, though...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not for me, they muffle sound, not block it completely out.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

To bad you're letting what shes doing get to you so much, maybe thats why shes doing it. Some how you need to come up with a way for it to not bother you. Not sure how to tell you to do that if you have no other options as far as where you sleep. Not sure what other issues you have going on in your marriage, but I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I couldn't wake up to that sort of thing, OP, because I need a very gentle awakening in the morning. No bright lights, no unnecessary noise and_ calm_, gentle chatter.

Speak to her. Tell her that you find it stressful to be woken up that way, and could she please be more considerate.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Cancelling a dental appt because you were forced to get up a bit early was a total sissy move. We all do things on less sleep than we would like.

My wife and I are just the opposite. I am the morning person, she is the night owl. I get up and leave the room and do what I need to do while she sleeps. She however is the rude one. She will come in after I am asleep and turn on all lights, turn on the TV, etc...She says it is "her time" and I just need to deal with it. I try to remind her that I don't do the same to her in the morning, but she just doesn't care. I have just learned to put a pillow over my head to drown out light / sound and go back to sleep.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Some people are just ****s to their spouse. They think they're more important and therefore can do what they want.

Thing about it is, you can't change who they are. You can ask, and they can take what you say and care enough to modify behavior, but if not you're stuck with making adjustments. 

Maybe throwing something at her would work. I'm being completely facetious here.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

bbdad said:


> Cancelling a dental appt because you were forced to get up a bit early was a total sissy move. We all do things on less sleep than we would like.
> 
> My wife and I are just the opposite. I am the morning person, she is the night owl. I get up and leave the room and do what I need to do while she sleeps. She however is the rude one. She will come in after I am asleep and turn on all lights, turn on the TV, etc...*She says it is "her time" and I just need to deal with it. I try to remind her that I don't do the same to her in the morning, but she just doesn't care*. I have just learned to put a pillow over my head to drown out light / sound and go back to sleep.


Oh, that IS rude. I wouldn't do that to a stranger, let alone my wife, and she's never done that to me. The more and more I read around, the more shocked I am by how thoughtless lots of people are with the simplest things which show simple respect.

Sorry to hear about it.

SH


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I believe that unless a person is mentally incapacitated in some way they fully understand and comprehend the English language. 

If her boss, mother, father, friend, coworker asked her to change some annoying behavior would she? Is she this rude to everyone or just you?


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Wing Man said:


> So does anyone else have a spouse that needs proper morning skills or should have learned all that long ago? And before anyone asks the answer is YESSSS we have "talked about this" repeatedly, and she claims it is not on purpose and that I need to learn how to ignore things better.


So, as you are walking around in a sleep deprived daze that night as a result of her thoughtlessness, do you forget to put the toilet seat down after your night time washing up? You would have a plausible excuse for doing that, and she would need to ignore the cold water on her azz because you weren't doing it on purpose.* 

*Guaranteed to start WWIII.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Maybe it's me, but I always look before I sit on the toilet, sleepy daze or not. lol


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Maybe it's me, but I always look before I sit on the toilet, sleepy daze or not. lol


How often is it in the wrong position? If sometimes then I can see why.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> How often is it in the wrong position? If sometimes then I can see why.


Never... my husband puts the seat down when he's done. 

I look because although he's considerate of me in this area, he also is a practical joker. One of these times I'm afraid saran wrap will be on the bowl. 

THAT is when WW3 will ensue at my house.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Never... my husband puts the seat down when he's done.
> 
> I look because although he's considerate of me in this area, he also is a practical joker. One of these times I'm afraid saran wrap will be on the bowl.
> 
> THAT is when WW3 will ensue at my house.


I've never known anyone who played that prank or had it played on them but it seems like a classic - when it happens to someone else!

My father grew up in rural Ohio in a neighborhood with a fair number of outhouses. He claimed that one night time prank was to shove the outhouse back 18" so that upon stepping in to the privy, the victim would plunge in to the pit! I wonder if that was a prank that was dreamed but never played.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> I've never known anyone who played that prank or had it played on them but it seems like a classic - when it happens to someone else!
> 
> My father grew up in rural Ohio in a neighborhood with a fair number of outhouses. He claimed that one night time prank was to shove the outhouse back 18" so that upon stepping in to the privy, the victim would plunge in to the pit! I wonder if that was a prank that was dreamed but never played.


OMG that would be awful! I would hope that one was a tall tale.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

"Honey, If I were to stay up until 3:00 a.m being loud, keeping the lights on, disrupting your sleep... If You were to express to me several times how this bothered you and I ignored what you said... You would be hurt, upset and believe that I did not care about your feelings. You would resent me for not paying attention to your needs... And rightly so! It would put a strain on our relationship over something so easily changed. Would not be worth it... Would it? Please be more considerate while I'm sleeping."


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

My H needs less sleep than I do. Sleep is really, really important to me. I need my solid 8. My whole life is better if I get my sleep. For those who don't need a lot of sleep, they just don't understand. I'm not lazy, it's just that sleep is super important to me functioning well. My whole bedroom is really important to me. The bed with it's comforter and pillows. Keeping the room dark in the morning. My H is respectful of that. In fact, he shaves in the living room in the morning. I've told him I enjoy hearing him shave on the mornings that I work because it wakes me up slowly. I am not a morning person and he is, but it makes me feel appreciated when he goes out out of his way to respect my needs (sleep). It's hard to describe if you don't need that sleep or are a morning person. 

However, that said, I would give her a taste of her own medicine. I don't initiate important conversations with H late at night because he's not at his best, even though I am. Why not talk to her when she's tired. Play some music. Let her barely fall asleep and ask her about the bills. Turn on the lights in the bedroom and work on your computer, etc. I don't mean this to be passive aggressive, but to put you on a level playing field. 

I like to read late at night. I always ask my H if the light will bother him (it would bother me). It just doesn't bother him. He says to go ahead and read. If it bothered him, I just wouldn't do it. That's what respectful, caring spouses do. They look out for each other. Maybe she won't understand until you infringe upon _her_ sleep time (p.m.).


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

bbdad said:


> Cancelling a dental appt because you were forced to get up a bit early was a total sissy move. We all do things on less sleep than we would like.
> 
> My wife and I are just the opposite. I am the morning person, she is the night owl. I get up and leave the room and do what I need to do while she sleeps. She however is the rude one. She will come in after I am asleep and turn on all lights, turn on the TV, etc...She says it is "her time" and I just need to deal with it. I try to remind her that I don't do the same to her in the morning, but she just doesn't care. I have just learned to put a pillow over my head to drown out light / sound and go back to sleep.


"Sissy move"? When you don't know the entire situation it's best not to make ignorant comments like that. To fill you in I had about 3 hours of sleep at that point, I work a night shift and get to bed late, part of my job involves driving around to a few hospitals and other labs in a company vehicle, and I tend to doze off at the wheel when I'm that tired. So I guess crashing the company vehicle and a) getting fired for it , b) hurting or killing myself, or c) hurting or killing someone else and going to jail would've been a more "manly" choice than re-scheduling a dental appointment.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

RDJ said:


> "Honey, If I were to stay up until 3:00 a.m being loud, keeping the lights on, disrupting your sleep... If You were to express to me several times how this bothered you and I ignored what you said... You would be hurt, upset and believe that I did not care about your feelings. You would resent me for not paying attention to your needs... And rightly so! It would put a strain on our relationship over something so easily changed. Would not be worth it... Would it? Please be more considerate while I'm sleeping."


Been there and done that with her many times.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Wing Man said:


> Been there and done that with her many times.


If you have been there done that with someone many times, then after awhile you have to ask yourself exactly what are you getting from a relationship where the other person doesn't listen and doesn't care how you feel.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Wing Man said:


> Been there and done that with her many times.


Maybe it's immature on my part, but if you've tried talking already I would go with Firefly's suggestion and do your own night time routine so she can get a 1st-hand experience of what you go through when she is noisy in the AM. Oftentimes experience really is the best teacher.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

Jamison said:


> If you have been there done that with someone many times, then after awhile you have to ask yourself exactly what are you getting from a relationship where the other person doesn't listen and doesn't care how you feel.


Or you may need to confront in a more serious manner?


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

RoseAglow said:


> Maybe it's immature on my part, but if you've tried talking already I would go with Firefly's suggestion and do your own night time routine so she can get a 1st-hand experience of what you go through when she is noisy in the AM. Oftentimes experience really is the best teacher.


Oh I have "paid" her back a couple of times for it trust me. And at one point in our marriage I moved into the guest room for about 3 months to see if that would help, and I did get my sleep but it felt odd sleeping in seperate rooms as a married couple and so I moved back in. But now I'm discussing with her wether or not we need to go back to that again.


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

Wing Man said:


> So after 8 years of marriage I have already figured out that my wife can be quite rude or obnoxious in the morning by talking too loudly, waking me up to ask silly questions that could have waited, or just plain being real noisy while I am trying to sleep!


Is there any chance she just feels lonely/wants to spend more time with you? This sounds like she's just seeking more attention. Or maybe it started out that way and now it's habit?

DH and I are now on opposite schedules. He's at work at 5:30 a.m. most mornings and I'm at work by 5 p.m. He functions cheerfully on six hours of sleep. I'm another that NEEDS eight.
He is not at all a "rude" morning person, but sometimes he can be thoughtless. Once he's out of the room and closed the door behind him, he doesn't think I can hear him.
For the most part, it's not a big deal. I love the fact that I will never again get up to an empty coffee pot ... 
And, every so often, when I get home at 2 a.m., if I'm _still _particularly annoyed about him waking me up at what I consider an unreasonable time, I will make sure to bounce him around a lot getting into bed. If my hands are extra cold, then I make sure to warm them on him. Then, when he's awake enough, I poke him and ask lots of annoying questions, then tell him I just wanted to spend tiiiiiime with him. Just like he tells me in the mornings.
That usually fixes him for a few months.

ETA: I don't resort to this when he accidentally wakes me up! I'm not that crazy. Only when he deliberately wakes me up way too early and then informs me he just wants to spend time with me. He doesn't find spending time together nearly so important in the middle of the night!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My ex husband was the rudest f**ker out there when it came to not giving a flying f**k about someone else needing sleep.

Just thinking back to it makes my blood boil at the sheer rudeness and lack of consideration!! 

There is no excuse for being rude enough to mess with someone's sleep.
How hard is it to TURN the friggin doorknob so it closes silently instead of shutting it loudly and letting it click n echo?!
How tough is it to walk softly instead of parading through the house like a damn horse??
Is it REALLY that difficult to use one smaller light to get dressed instead of turning on every single damn light in the bedroom??

Hot button for this gal... LOL

Thankfully I married right the second time.Not an inconsiderate bone in his whole body.


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

Why would you move into the guest room? Let her move into it. 

Also, *some* morning people seem to have this feeling that they are on the higher ground getting up so early. In actuality, night owls get more done. What you need to do is disrupt her sleep in the way that she disrupts your sleep. You need to talk to her at night, when she is out of it. You need to turn the light on at 11:30 p.m. and work on the computer. Do the bills at midnight. After all, you are working while she is lazing away sleeping. When you are getting ready to leave for work, again, turn all the light on and act the way she does in the morning when you are sleeping. If she complains, tell her to go sleep in the guest bedroom.

This is your health we are talking about.

*DO NOT* go to the guest bedroom to sleep yourself.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

Maybe it's just me, but is doing something in a spiteful manner really how two adults should interact? Does it in any way promote a mutually happy marriage?

If the situation is so bad that it creates true unhappiness, if its been ignored then why would a person not just be direct and honest with their position.

"Spouse, your behavior is rude and unacceptable. It does nothing to promote a happy marriage and is a direct slap in my face when you ignore my requests to be more thoughtful. I will no longer disrespect you in these ways and I expect nothing less in return. If you do not desire a mutually happy, respectful marriage with me and we don't start working towards meeting each others needs on purpose. We simply will not continue to stay married. Understand?"

End of conversation, then simply back up what you say!


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

sounds like my wife on the rare occasion when I get a chance to sleep in she will bang around in the bathroom, kitchen and has even put our toddler in the bed to wake me because she is up oh and im not trying to sleep till noon just 8:30 maybe 9:00am


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

firefly789 said:


> Why would you move into the guest room? Let her move into it.
> 
> Also, *some* morning people seem to have this feeling that they are on the higher ground getting up so early. In actuality, night owls get more done. What you need to do is disrupt her sleep in the way that she disrupts your sleep. You need to talk to her at night, when she is out of it. You need to turn the light on at 11:30 p.m. and work on the computer. Do the bills at midnight. After all, you are working while she is lazing away sleeping. When you are getting ready to leave for work, again, turn all the light on and act the way she does in the morning when you are sleeping. If she complains, tell her to go sleep in the guest bedroom.
> 
> ...


First off she would tell me to go to hell if I suggested her sleeping in the guest room and she wouldn't do it, and I actually like it in there because it's a dark and very quiet part of the house with a king size sleigh bed so it's no biggie. And for the record yes I have accidentally woken her up at different times of the night, but for the most part I try and be as quiet as possible simply because it's a show of love and/or respect you should give to anybody.


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## Notinmyname (Apr 19, 2020)

Yeah, I totally have the same problem. Waking up like that causes high blood pressure and anxiety, it's a leftover warning system from our ape/caveman days, so we could be super alert instantly if we were suddenly under threat. A very handy thing to have in the right situation, however, we as humans are designed to wake up slower than that, with the rising of the sun. To be woken up in this fashion multiple times a week, will literally shorten your lifespan by a noticeable integer. We are amazing creatures, but just like other mammals, these high levels of stress hormones are not good for you short or long term. This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. Your mental health does matter ! Just putting this down to " oh, he/she is just a morning person, deal with it" is not helpful. It needs to be taken seriously by your partner. It is inconsiderate and neglectful to keep this pattern of behaviour going if the partner has (1) been made aware of how this makes you feel. (2) visually see's the effect it has on their loved one. (3) has a modicum of respect/love for others. As I said earlier, these stress levels are not health for anyone to bare long term, imaging getting mugged every day, or someone jumping out at you to scare you every day. These two examples cause the same stress hormones and physiological effects on the subject as being woken up abruptly. If things don't start to change after a long sit down with your partner, there are a few option you may what to consider, (1) sleep in another room, (2) camp in the back garden so you can wake up with the rising sun, (3) get a drum kit. Sleep deprivation simply is not healthy, that's why it is used as a torture technique. Be strong and remember , your mental health matters. Regards Dr Bastard


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You just replied to a 7 year old thread. I'm curious, how and why did you even find such an old thread?

Zombie thread alert.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Zombie thread closed


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