# Does it go away ?



## Wtfisitallabout (Jan 6, 2018)

Hi guys , I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and I've just started looking at other girls a lot more than normal . I love my GF a lot and want to spend the rest of my life with her .
I suppose I'm asking for some other guys perspective on the strong urge to be with other woman even when if I think about it I don't actually want to be with them !! 
I hope this makes sense !! Thanks


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I dont think you are ready for a commitment if you are longing to be with other girls. 
I am assuming you are young?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Is the sex with her lacking?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I agree with @Diana7. Doesn't sound like this is the one. Let me ask how physically attracted to her are you?


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

It's called being a man. You have the urge. You will find other women attractive. Not a big deal. Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry for a reason. 98% of the consumers are men. 

You have the urge, but you don't act on it. That's called having boundaries. That's ALSO called being a man.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Nah, I don't think it ever goes away. Its sort of a biological function isn't it? Gotta be a man about it. 

If however you are young, I would step away from the relationship and get it all out of your system as best as you can. Go womanize for a few years and enjoy it. Committing yourself so young is a huge mistake. This issue being one of the many reasons.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

It's all a matter of degree. 

You say "strong urge to be with". That sounds different to me than the first line where you mention "looking at".

Strong urge sounds like you are about to cheat on your girlfriend, and just barely caught yourself. Interpretation and a matter of degree.

So it could be you just aren't ready for a relationship.

I look. And my wife and I even played around with other people, but I would say I had a strong urge for only my wife since I got married. She owns my soul, to this day, 44 years and all kinda hell later, she is the only woman who has ever set my soul on fire.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Waning to look at and wanting to be with are surely different. 
I am not one that thinks we must all 'sow our wild oats' to be happy later on, in fact I believe that the more we sleep around the harder it will be to be faithful later on, but I dont think you are mature enough for a faithful relationship.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Wtfisitallabout said:


> Hi guys , I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and I've just started looking at other girls a lot more than normal . I love my GF a lot and want to spend the rest of my life with her .
> I suppose I'm asking for some other guys perspective on the strong urge to be with other woman even when if I think about it I don't actually want to be with them !!
> I hope this makes sense !! Thanks


As long as you’re only looking then don’t worry too much about it.Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean other women become invisible.
However if you feel very attracted to one particular girl or if you are tempted to actually act on your impulses then I would not consider moving forward with your current relationship towards engagement or marriage.
You don’t say what age you are so my advice would depend on that.I will tell you this much.Don’t be a cheat,if you want to date other girls then do the decent thing and break up with the one you have.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

According to DH, you don't stop seeing them and even thinking they are hot. You just make different choices with that information. But for him, they touch his conscious then are gone.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Do I notice other women? Of course. It's mostly about appreciation of the female form. The ones I find attractive are few and far between. The ones I find hot are even fewer, FAR fewer. Maybe a dozen or so? The ones that spark that animal attraction? Less than a handful over the 40+ years of my life. Those are the ones I run the opposite direction from.

I dig my wife!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Wtfisitallabout said:


> Hi guys , I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and I've just started looking at other girls a lot more than normal . I love my GF a lot and want to spend the rest of my life with her .
> I suppose I'm asking for some other guys perspective on the strong urge to be with other woman even when if I think about it I don't actually want to be with them !!
> I hope this makes sense !! Thanks


After your married 20yrs and you find out shes been cheating for most of them and then she takes half of you assets. And refuses to let you see your kids as her new man moves into your house while you give 2/3rds of you pay to her.

Then you never look at woman that way again.

Lol


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## Wtfisitallabout (Jan 6, 2018)

Hi everyone thanks for the advice , I'm 33 and not th cheating type at all .also the sex with my GF is really good. 
Like windwalker said it the appreciation of the female form that I'm obsessing over a lot more than normal. It's like desire/lust but acting on it doesn't cross my.mind .


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Have you ever been in a relationship as long as this one before?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Wtfisitallabout said:


> Hi everyone thanks for the advice , I'm 33 and not th cheating type at all .also the sex with my GF is really good.
> Like windwalker said it the appreciation of the female form that I'm obsessing over a lot more than normal. It's like desire/lust but acting on it doesn't cross my.mind .


Just because a thought crosses your mind doesn't mean you have to entertain it. It's normal to feel attracted to women. It's normal to occasionally be a bit tempted. It's also normal to resist that temptation, which you sound like you have under control. If thoughts about other women are intrusive to you, then try acknowledging the thought and then letting it go. For example, see a beautiful woman, have lustful thought, replace lustful thought with non-lustful thought, move on with day.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Wtfisitallabout said:
> 
> 
> > Hi everyone thanks for the advice , I'm 33 and not th cheating type at all .also the sex with my GF is really good.
> ...


Yeah, like banging her, then being forced to sleep on the wet spot


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> According to DH, you don't stop seeing them and even thinking they are hot. You just make different choices with that information. But for him, they touch his conscious then are gone.


Yes, of course. Just seeing something beautiful, admiring and moving on.

Like seeing a Ferrari or Austin martin. You look and then forget about it. It's not real.
You'll never have it and that's fine. You don't even really want one. They're too much trouble. It's when you obsess. OP. Do you ruminate all day about it or look and move on? If the former, then maybe not ready for marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wtfisitallabout said:


> Hi everyone thanks for the advice , I'm 33 and not th cheating type at all .also the sex with my GF is really good.
> Like windwalker said it the appreciation of the female form that I'm obsessing over a lot more than normal. It's like desire/lust but acting on it doesn't cross my.mind .


What many dont realise is that we can all control what we think about and stare at. If you see an attractive woman then look away straight away and don't let you mind dwell on what you have seen. 
As the saying goes, where the mind goes the man follows.
You did says that you have a strong urge to be with other women and that sounds little different from just noticing them and moving on. You also said that this is a recent thing in your relationship.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> As the saying goes, where the mind goes the man follows.


Nonsense. Everyone has crazy thoughts from time to time. Some more than others. I have a dark sense of humor and a lot of dark thoughts. Oh the stuff I've dreamed about doing to some of the bosses I've worked for in the past or stuff I've dreamed of doing to bankers and people I find despicable. Then you just move on and go about your job and your life. The thoughts pass, it is your actions and choices that define you.

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
-Dumbledor


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Makes perfect sense. When you think it through you don’t actually want to be with the other women, it’s just instinct that you want to have sex with them. Luckily you’re a man and not just an animal who goes purely on instinct. Keep thinking with the big head.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I appreciate attractive members of the opposite sex - that doesn't go away. What does go away, at least when my relationship is good, is any serious desire to have sex with them. 

I think abstract fantasies are fine, imagining sex with a cute woman you saw, along with her twin sister is OK. What isn't OK is thinking about it seriously, or taking any action in that direction.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

OP I can tell you this. When I fell in love with my wife, no one else was as attractive to me as she was. I was not tempted, I did not look. But that was because the sex was great, she was beautiful and attentive and loving in all ways. There was nothing I could think of that was more perfect than what I had. 
Later on, as the sex dropped off and it seemed as though she stopped giving a damn, I did look. I never acted but I used to look and wonder if life might be better with some one else. I didn't act because I still loved her.
Once she left it took me months to get over her. The first few times I went on dates, I felt as though I was cheating on her and I guess I was cheating on the memory. The first time I had sex with someone else, I was so confused it was next to impossible to be in the moment as thoughts of my ex swirled through my mind.
So, if you are having these thoughts and feelings now, while she is still just your GF I would recommend that you do the right thing and let her go. I fear in the end you will end up becoming resentful of "wasted time" which could have been spent pursuing some one who can really capture you and consume your every thought.


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## brianbfl (Jan 10, 2018)

New to the board, but curious what provoked the "starting over" in your screen name


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

brianbfl said:


> New to the board, but curious what provoked the "starting over" in your screen name


I assume that's directed at me. Go to website with the same name for my full story. Enjoy.


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