# Tired of husband's sexual perversion



## lostandfrustrated (Feb 22, 2012)

We have been married for the past 10 years. Right from the beginning we have disagreed with each other about everything.

Our sex life has been erratic at best. Sometimes we have sex every other night which lasts for a week at most then after that he wont come near me for almost a month or two. I am tired of always initiating sex and being the needy partner. He has told me many times that sex with me is not very satisfying though he has not given me any reasons. He also says that he has to fantasize about other women to actually climax. 

Once about 3-4 years back when I was out of town with our child (then 5 years old) he tried propositioning my sister for sex. She refused of course and he tried it again with a friend of mine who is divorced. I learnt about this from him. He admitted to all his faults and said he felt bad about the things he had done. I came to terms with this and later forgave him. Now recently, by accident I came to know that when I was sleeping in another room he showed his private parts through our drawing room window to a young girl (about 20 years old) who was jogging outside. She was upset and brought her mother to deal with it. Of course my husband somehow managed to fend off the mother by saying it wasnt intentional. When I confronted him about this he said that he wouldnt do it again and then later admitted that he had already done it once some months before to the same girl! He said he couldnt help but get aroused by watching her jog. 

I am very upset by this and cannot come to terms with living with someone who can behave in this lewd manner. I dont know what to do. My daughter (now 9 years old) will be very upset if we get separated or divorced. Also, I am not the earning member of the family so what would I do if we go our separate ways? Please do give me some advice on what I should do. Is behaviour like this normal with many men?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lostandfrustrated said:


> We have been married for the past 10 years. Right from the beginning we have disagreed with each other about everything.
> 
> Our sex life has been erratic at best. Sometimes we have sex every other night which lasts for a week at most then after that he wont come near me for almost a month or two. I am tired of always initiating sex and being the needy partner. He has told me many times that sex with me is not very satisfying though he has not given me any reasons. He also says that he has to fantasize about other women to actually climax.
> 
> ...


if he keeps doing this he most likley will end up in jail.

no it not normal for adult men to flash joggers!

tell him he needs help or your out of there.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Your husband is a pervert, and crass. Your daughter will be just fine if you get divorced, especially when she knows what he did. What a perv!


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Honestly, I don't think flashing is as bad (don't get me wrong, it's totally unacceptable but...) as asking your SISTER for sex. 

Unless they had a relationship before. 

If your husband would do these things before talking to you or wanting you, you really can start thinking about leaving. 

It will be more trauma for your daughter if she finds out Dad is having sex with neighbor, aunt, or her best friend when she grows up. I am sorry to paint this horrible picture, but it seems totally feasible.

Note: I just noticed the OP's location is India. I have no idea about the culture and customs there, so you can take my words with a grain of salt. However, here in US, or in my country (I am Chinese), having sex with a sister-in-law is not within the norm.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Aside from the flashing--which is weird and not good at all--this:



lostandfrustrated said:


> Our sex life has been erratic at best. Sometimes we have sex every other night which lasts for a week at most then after that he wont come near me for almost a month or two. I am tired of always initiating sex and being the needy partner. He has told me many times that sex with me is not very satisfying though he has not given me any reasons. He also says that he has to fantasize about other women to actually climax.


Is very likely to be due to this:



lostandfrustrated said:


> Right from the beginning we have disagreed with each other about everything.


Can you give some examples to clarify the above quote?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

lostandfrustrated said:


> . Is behaviour like this normal with many men?


Hi L & F Sorry you here this behavior is not normal I would suggest he have some IC to address this area as well as other areas that you have mentioned.

Good Luck


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lostandfrustrated said:


> Right from the beginning we have disagreed with each other about everything.
> 
> He has told me many times that sex with me is not very satisfying though he has not given me any reasons. He also says that he has to fantasize about other women to actually climax.
> 
> ...


Then leave. 
You are raising your daughter in a house with a man who has zero respect for women. 
Ew.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Hmmm....I can't count the number of times that I have propositioned my sister-in-law and flashed strange women.....since I have never done it 

What strikes me is the risk taking element. He either has no fear of getting caught or his behaviour is compulsive. Either way unless he sees it as a problem you have no future together as husband and wife. I would also be very worried about what you don't know.

In your situation the first step might be to quietly consult with a lawyer to find out your rights in the event of a divorce.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

From the outside looking in this is way way WAAAAY more pathological than it looks to you. I mean, come on, who the hell wanders around masturbating in public and demanding sex of female relatives? 

Registered sex offenders, that's who.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Runs is right again. Flashing is a crime that could have him need to register as an offender. Asking for sex from a relative or friend is really demeaning to you. What happens when your daughter is 16 (or younger) and her friends are around. I really feel for you, life has dealt you a lemon.


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## pana1089 (Feb 24, 2012)

You should not allow yourself to be hostaged to this situation. You should let him know his conduct is intolerable, demand that he seek help (he seems to be to far out there to fix himself), and let him know you will leave unless he commits to changing. Recommend you start planning an escape route. Start looking for a jog and developing skills to get employed. You are not giving yourself enough credit. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Reach out to family and/or friends or organizations that can give you temporary help as you transition out of the relationship if he will not commit to seeking help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since I don't know the laws in India, would you get any kind of spousal support if you divorce him? Could you at least get support until you can get a job and/or some skills training or any education you would need to get a job that would support you?

Perhaps it's time to check this out and find out how to protect yourself and your daughter.


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## lostandfrustrated (Feb 22, 2012)

Thank you people for all your advice. At least now I know I am not over reacting or anything. 

Ive been thinking about leaving since quite some time but I am worried that I wont be able to provide my daughter with the same kind of standard of living as I am now. Also, as many of you might know, Indian culture does not allow for separation and divorce so easily as the western world. Its still a male oriented society out here. Also, since my husband puts on a very good show for others, his family and friends might never even believe me with these accusations. Having said that, since he went to my sister once, my family does believe me and is willing to support me.


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## SomeLady (Feb 21, 2012)

lostandfrustrated said:


> Thank you people for all your advice. At least now I know I am not over reacting or anything.
> 
> Ive been thinking about leaving since quite some time but I am worried that I wont be able to provide my daughter with the same kind of standard of living as I am now. Also, as many of you might know, Indian culture does not allow for separation and divorce so easily as the western world. Its still a male oriented society out here. Also, since my husband puts on a very good show for others, his family and friends might never even believe me with these accusations. Having said that, since he went to my sister once, my family does believe me and is willing to support me.


It is true that your standard of living will likely suffer. But, I think you know that this is just something you will have to work through. It probably won't be as bad as you fear. So glad to hear your family is on your side. That's a huge help.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

lostandfrustrated said:


> Thank you people for all your advice. At least now I know I am not over reacting or anything.
> 
> Ive been thinking about leaving since quite some time but I am worried that I wont be able to provide my daughter with the same kind of standard of living as I am now. Also, as many of you might know, *Indian culture does not allow for separation and divorce so easily as the western world. Its still a male oriented society out here*. Also, since my husband puts on a very good show for others, his family and friends might never even believe me with these accusations. Having said that, since he went to my sister once, my family does believe me and is willing to support me.


:iagree: Divorce is frowned upon in Indian society, especially if the woman walks away. 

Your husband is sick and clearly needs help.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

So sorry to hear of your situation. 

Do you have counsellors or psychologists in India? I have a friend in Pakistan with severe mental health problems and he has a difficult time finding help, so wondering if it is similar in India.

As others have shared, your husband's behaviour is very concerning, quite predatorial and opportunistic actually.

If there is a way to heal your relationship, he will need to commit to getting some serious help. I'm not sure if you have 12 step meetings in India, but there are ones called SA (sexaholics anonymous) and SLAA (sex & love addicts anonymous ). I know many people who have been able to gain sobriety from going to these meetings. There are also counsellors and psychologists who consult online.

If there are no resources for you there and you have money and want to get help, you could consider going to another country for a while where help is more readily available.

In the event that you do leave, it's good that you have a supportive and understanding family. Because of this, you shouldn't worry too much about money or practical support
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AE86freak (Feb 24, 2012)

Did you force your husband to get engaged!? Did you say "when Am I gonna see a ring on this finger?" It sounds like he doesn't respect your feelings. Why the hell would he say he has to think of other women? That's horrible!


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

What a freak, this guy!


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