# I can't live like this anymore



## Nolarose (Jan 29, 2021)

Coming up on 8 years of marriage and I'm not sure I can suffer another year let alone a lifetime. We were married only 11 months into what was already a challenging relationship. We married quickly because he was (is) in the military and was being transferred. When we were dating there were numerous red flags (turned out he was married at the beginning) but, I was young and thought I was in love. Over the years things have only gotten worse and I find myself dreaming of a life without him. We argue about EVERYTHING! He tells me I'm crazy and controlling because I ask him to do basic things like rinse out recyclables or wipe down the counters when he's done. He does the bare minimum in everything in regards to me and home life. Often times not even that. I work full-time, manage our finances, grocery shop, cook, clean, care for our pets, run errands....you name it. The other night I told him I wanted to get back to meal prepping because I was finding cooking every night to be a bit overwhelming. He didn't want what I was meal prepping so I told him he was on his own. You'd have thought I slapped him. He said if I wasn't going to cook for him anymore that he guessed he would have to resort to canned soup and take out, even if his constant want for pizza delivery put a strain on our finances. He doesn't do anything unless I ask and even then it's a war. "I never ask you for anything," is his response when asked to help with household chores. Well of course you don't ask me for anything, I already do EVERYTHING! We have nothing in common and don't share the same morals or ethics. He never wants to do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. I suggest hikes, workouts, date nights; it's all become just another chore because he plans nothing and wants to do nothing. He never shows me affection if I don't first show it to him and even then it feels as though he is just brushing me off. We have sex maybe 2x a month. When I tell him he's hurt my feelings or share that something is bothering me, he says that I can control my feelings and he can't hurt me. Well yes, I can take someone's comments to heart or not but I don't want to be married to someone whose comments I have to filter for my own well-being. If I tell him something he did was rude he first tells me I'm wrong and then proceeds to take it as an attack on his character. He has no problem telling me I'm rude, for which I apologize even if I have done nothing wrong. He tells me I'm crazy and bipolar. He says one thing and does another. He say something and turn around and say he didn't. I'm also fairly certain he has cheated multiple times while away for work. I'm exhausted and miserable in his company. But, I have no family and no close friends. I've lost them all since this relationship and I truly don't know what to do. 

I know this is all over the place. It's so much that it's really hard to get it all out in a focused manner. I'm just unsure of what to do. I don't see him changing or putting in even an ounce of effort. He doesn't think he does anything wrong. He thinks he's perfect and everything he does is right. He's unable to acknowledge wrongdoing in any manner.
We just purchased a home, a decision I deeply regret. I'm in my early 30's and would like to have a child soon but I can't do that with him. I'd have no help and I'd be further tied to this man who I can't stand.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Then don't live like that. You already know what you have to do.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

You said you work full time. So, try and look into getting a place/apartment of your own if you can, if you are tired of living like this. It may be difficult if you're paying a mortgage though. It's good you don't have kids with him.


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