# My wife feels I cheated and is a mess. I need to fix it.



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

I'm hoping I can get some guidance so I can repair my marriage. My wife is really upset with me and I need to help her get over it so we can move on. We've been married for 3 years and have a son together. I love her more than anything and she is my star. The issue comes with the relationship between me and my best friend. I've known him since University when he was my roommate. He was 17 and I was 18 when we moved in together. We were just 2 young freshmen that were a little too nerdy and didn't have any luck with the ladies. One day I was alone in the room and began to masturbate since it was something I always did. He came in the room and caught me by surprise. He was cool about it and began to open up to me. We talked about how it wasn't fair that we weren't getting the women that we wanted and how we deserved more. We developed a deep friendship that grew sexual. It's different because neither of us are/were gay. We just thought it would make better sense for us to pleasure each other since we knew each other well and trusted each other.

So our encounters were not sexual as far as penetration. Our time together just consisted of me and him performing oral sex on each other. It was strictly about helping each other out. So this went on for 2 years until he met his now wife and moved out. Again, it was just more of a scratch your back and you'll scratch mine and it had nothing to do with being straight or gay. We eventually both graduated and got married to awesome women. We've sometimes hooked up sexually for old times sake but those times are rare since we are both happily married. The problem came by a few weeks back when I was at his house and gave him one just for old times sake. I went until he finished and shortly after, his wife came back home and saw us. She didn't physically see me doing anything but she could tell by the setting and the mess that something sexual had happened. She told my wife and this whole thing blew up. My wife is upset but I just tried to explain to her that she should feel threatened since this is something that guys do. He's my best friend and I'll give my life for him. I know I should had told her sooner but it didn't seem like it would be something that is necessary to know. I told her that if it bothers her this much, we won't do this anymore but it seems like she isn't moved by this. It's been several weeks and she's still upset and often crying. I love her and I love him as a friend. I won't do it anymore since it makes her upset but I want to know what can I do or say to her to help her move on and start to love me again like before. It's a threat to my friendship with him what I'm doing with her and she doesn't see it. I kind of feel that she invaded my privacy by knowing this but now I have to fix it. She's also thinking that I'm not heterosexual and that really hurts since I am. Any advice would be appreciated.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> Again, it was just more of a scratch your back and you'll scratch mine and it had nothing to do with being straight or gay.


Of course you're gay. Time to come out of the closet. Better yet, come up with a better story.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

I think you missed the part about not being gay. That's not what we are. We are just friends and nothing more. Everyone can relate in some shape or form so please don't climb atop some high horse.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> We are just friends and nothing more.


Lets just call it friends with benefits, of sorts if you're in to that kind of thing. And I've been on a high horse for quite some time. Kinda like the view from up here.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Two words:
Brokeback Mountain


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cuphead said:


> I think you missed the part about not being gay. That's not what we are. We are just friends and nothing more. Everyone can relate in some shape or form so please don't climb atop some high horse.


You might have missed the part about what it is that makes a gay man... well, a gay man. Sex with another man is pretty much _the_ thing, by the way, and understanding this — or even explicitly stating it — doesn’t quite equate to “climbing atop a high horse”.

It’s not “judgement” to call a dog a dog, a cat a cat, or a gay man a gay man.

Lose the victim mentality and face reality.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

I'm not trying to be a victim and for the last time, I'm not gay. He's just a friend and we were taking care of each other. There's nothing gay about that. Besides, I look at it as just being another piece of skin. It wouldn't matter if it were his thumb right? It's just another piece of skin and I shouldn't be judged by that. I just need to fix my marriage and this has nothing to do with sexual orientation because I know who I am.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Also...

1. Yes, you cheated on your wife. DUH.

2. This isn’t “something that guys do”.

:lol: :rofl:

3. If you feel like your wife “invaded your privacy” (LOL), then it follows that you don’t feel that you’re in any way accountable to her for your actions, which means that you don’t need to be married to her.

4. Again, you’re not hetero.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

You're not gay but you just blew him for old times sake? Come off it. Face reality. Straight men don't just blow each other like its not a big deal. 

Also, you did cheat! You have both been cheating on your wives for a while. "Oh were not cheating, we just suck each other's meat rods every once in a while. No big deal" what kind of nonsense poorly thought out delusional lie are you trying to pass off on us and your wives? 

You are beyond delusional and therefore beyond help from a forum. Seek therapy because you have some serious issues. 

Nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual or anything like that. But you trying to pretend you're not, and trying to somehow explain that giving and receiving oral sex in secret isn't cheating is so far beyond rational thought that I'm guessing this is a troll post. Its hard for me to accept that any human can be this delusional and so far out of touch with reality. 

Seriously set up an appointment with a psychologist like yesterday. You need some serious work.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cuphead said:


> I'm not trying to be a victim and for the last time, I'm not gay. He's just a friend and we were taking care of each other. There's nothing gay about that. Besides, I look at it as just being another piece of skin. It wouldn't matter if it were his thumb right? It's just another piece of skin and I shouldn't be judged by that. I just need to fix my marriage and this has nothing to do with sexual orientation because I know who I am.


(LOL)

OK then, this is how you fix this...

1. Cut contact with your gay friend. As in no more contact (of any kind) with him ever again.

2. Stop having sex — as in ANY kind of sex — with anyone that isn’t your wife.

3. Complete transparency with your wife going forward.

4. Admit that your actions were wrong (because they were) and communicate an earnest desire to make things right with your wife.

5. Have a full set of STD tests performed. Share the results with your wife.

6. Demonstrate remorse in your interactions with your wife.

7. Marriage counseling and individual counseling. LOTS of it.

Go ahead.

Get started.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm guessing this is a troll post.


You got my vote.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

That's fair and besides the std test and marriage counseling, I've done almost all of those things. I have not had any physical contact with him but we are still friends. Are you saying that we need to end our friendship?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cuphead said:


> Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.


LOL...

You don’t get credit for cheating with someone she knows.

Are you a millennial?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cuphead said:


> That's fair and besides the std test and marriage counseling, I've done almost all of those things. I have not had any physical contact with him but we are still friends. Are you saying that we need to end our friendship?


Yes.

DUH.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.


Omg, you are worse than I thought. You're at least bi. No getting around it. Real strait men don't do ANYTHING sexual with another man. Never crosses our minds and the very thought would cause instant flacid penis and disgust. You do it for "old times sake" which means you ENJOY giving and receiving head from another man. You are at the very least bisexual. Stop lying to yourself. You can learn to be happy with who you are. Nothing is wrong with you for being bisexual or gay, but you have serious issues where you deny who and what you are. 

Second, its even worse because she trusted both of you! That is called a double betrayal. Which means not only did her husband who she trusts with her life betray her, her husband's best friend (in your case, lover on the side) who she also trusted broke that trust. Triple whammy. Two people broke her trust and she finds out her husband likes blowing men. 

Let her go and work on yourself. She definitely deserves better than what you can possibly even hope to give her at this time in your confused and delusional life.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Cuphead said:
> 
> 
> > Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.
> ...


No, what I'm saying is that it is respectable that I'm not out here just searching the internet for sex. It's somebody that she knows so she understands that this is a situation that precedes our relationship. Anyways, as much as our friendship means to me, I'm willing to cut all ties with him if it helps my wife to get over it. The problem is that she is not responding the way I need her to.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.


Actions speak louder than words and no matter how many times your words say “not gay,”’your actions say “GAY!”

No matter how lonely and hard up they may be, straight guys just keep on servicing themselves, not each other.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Cuphead said:
> 
> 
> > Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating. Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.
> ...


You are way off in left field. The truth is that it doesn't matter who is doing it. Whether it is a man or a woman, the feeling is the same. Maybe you can speak for yourself when you say you will get flaccid but trust me, a lot of men from what I hear won't care as long as it feels good. I don't understand why everybody thinks that we need these labels attached. Like I said, we were just friends. We took care of each other's needs back then because we were lonely. Neither of us are gay and we are very strong men. I'm confident with who I am and that's a heterosexual man.


----------



## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> I think you missed the part about not being gay. That's not what we are. We are just friends and nothing more. *Everyone can relate in some shape or form so please don't climb atop some high horse.*


*

*

Ummmm.....nope can't relate. 
So I ran your post past my husband for the sake of another opinion. He just returned home from watching the game with 8 male friends. A couple of the guys are bachelors, perhaps a tad "nerdy and unlucky with the ladies", however he assured me no mutual blowing of "thumbs or other pieces of skin took place". (Whew)

He did mention if no eye contact ever occurred, you're probably still hetero....lol


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

I see this kind of thread and I'm like.........


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> You are way off in left field. The truth is that it doesn't matter who is doing it. Whether it is a man or a woman, the feeling is the same. Maybe you can speak for yourself when you say you will get flaccid but trust me, a lot of men from what I hear won't care as long as it feels good. I don't understand why everybody thinks that we need these labels attached. Like I said, we were just friends. We took care of each other's needs back then because we were lonely. Neither of us are gay and we are very strong men. I'm confident with who I am and that's a heterosexual man.


These labels describe your sexual preferences. As in strictly heterosexual people don't want anything to do sexually with someone of the same sex. That clearly doesn't describe you. 

Bisexual does though. 

Maybe if you were in prison for a long time. Or if you were only on the receiving end like once in your life. Nah, you can't wait to open your mouth and receive his member. That is bisexual at the very least. Especially after you are married and I can only guess having actual heterosexual intercourse with a woman. What is your excuse then? Its not like you are sexually frustrated any longer. Nah, you ENJOY having sexual exchanges with this other MAN. I don't care what lies you want to tell yourself, you're not heterosexual. Not at all. Because it goes against the very DEFINITION of heterosexual. 

You like hogs in your mouth and the taste of semen. And you're sitting here trying to tell me you're heterosexual? Lol. Whatever man. Enjoy your divorce. You've definitely earned it.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If this post is genuine (and I have my doubts because I cant believe that anyone would think this is ok), your wife thinks you cheated, because you did cheat. If she met up with a man and they did things of a sexual nature as you have done, would you think that as cheating? It makes no difference whether its with a man or woman, its cheating. The fact that you think that 'all men do it' shows the strength of you deception, no they don't. Only those who are attracted to men and have no moral values and care nothing about being faithful do it. 
I am amazed that she is still with you. The trust has been shattered. Until you acknowledge to yourself and her that you cheated and that you will have no more contact with this man, the marriage has no hope. 

I would never do anything sexual with a woman because I am just not interested in women sexually.

You claiming that you feel she has invaded your privacy by knowing, shows that you have a weird idea of what marriage and faithfulness are. This may well lead to 2 divorces and I wouldn't blame them.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Cuphead said:
> 
> 
> > You are way off in left field. The truth is that it doesn't matter who is doing it. Whether it is a man or a woman, the feeling is the same. Maybe you can speak for yourself when you say you will get flaccid but trust me, a lot of men from what I hear won't care as long as it feels good. I don't understand why everybody thinks that we need these labels attached. Like I said, we were just friends. We took care of each other's needs back then because we were lonely. Neither of us are gay and we are very strong men. I'm confident with who I am and that's a heterosexual man.
> ...


You missed the point and this whole thing flew over your head. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it. It was because I wanted to make him happy and he wanted to make my happy. Completely different things.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Cuphead said:


> You missed the point and this whole thing flew over your head. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it. It was because I wanted to make him happy and he wanted to make my happy. Completely different things.


How is it different that garden variety cheating?


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> You missed the point and this whole thing flew over your head. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it. It was because I wanted to make him happy and he wanted to make my happy. Completely different things.


Except you still did sexual favours for someone of the same sex when sexually you were getting those needs met by someone of the opposite sex. You both cheated. I don't think this post is real either way. You're as much a fraud to us as you are in your made up story to your made up wife. If this is real, then either way you're living in fantasy land. 

Good day sir or ma'am.


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

This is ridiculous. This has to be a troll thread and if I get a 3 day ban for that, then whatever.

Having sex with anyone while married is cheating.

Sucking another man's **** is gay or bi. 

End of story and lock this stupid thread.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

C'mon guys. I once had a threesome with my cat and dog. My wife accused me of practicing bestiality. But I just like pets and wanted them to be happy. There was nothing weird about it. Doesn't everyone do this?


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> I'm hoping I can get some guidance so I can repair my marriage. My wife is really upset with me and I need to help her get over it so we can move on. We've been married for 3 years and have a son together. I love her more than anything and she is my star. The issue comes with the relationship between me and my best friend. I've known him since University when he was my roommate. He was 17 and I was 18 when we moved in together. We were just 2 young freshmen that were a little too nerdy and didn't have any luck with the ladies. One day I was alone in the room and began to masturbate since it was something I always did. He came in the room and caught me by surprise. He was cool about it and began to open up to me. We talked about how it wasn't fair that we weren't getting the women that we wanted and how we deserved more. We developed a deep friendship that grew sexual. It's different because neither of us are/were gay. We just thought it would make better sense for us to pleasure each other since we knew each other well and trusted each other.
> 
> So our encounters were not sexual as far as penetration. Our time together just consisted of me and him performing oral sex on each other. It was strictly about helping each other out. So this went on for 2 years until he met his now wife and moved out. Again, it was just more of a scratch your back and you'll scratch mine and it had nothing to do with being straight or gay. We eventually both graduated and got married to awesome women. We've sometimes hooked up sexually for old times sake but those times are rare since we are both happily married. The problem came by a few weeks back when I was at his house and gave him one just for old times sake. I went until he finished and shortly after, his wife came back home and saw us. She didn't physically see me doing anything but she could tell by the setting and the mess that something sexual had happened. She told my wife and this whole thing blew up. My wife is upset but I just tried to explain to her that she should feel threatened since this is something that guys do. He's my best friend and I'll give my life for him. I know I should had told her sooner but it didn't seem like it would be something that is necessary to know. I told her that if it bothers her this much, we won't do this anymore but it seems like she isn't moved by this. It's been several weeks and she's still upset and often crying. I love her and I love him as a friend. I won't do it anymore since it makes her upset but I want to know what can I do or say to her to help her move on and start to love me again like before. It's a threat to my friendship with him what I'm doing with her and she doesn't see it. I kind of feel that she invaded my privacy by knowing this but now I have to fix it. She's also thinking that I'm not heterosexual and that really hurts since I am. Any advice would be appreciated.


First thing. This is NOT something guys do. 

Secondly, you cheated on your wife. 

She has all the right in the world to be pissed about this. If you can’t or won’t understand this I hope she divorces you and finds someone that is faithful.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> I'm not trying to be a victim and for the last time, I'm not gay. He's just a friend and we were taking care of each other. There's nothing gay about that. Besides, I look at it as just being another piece of skin. It wouldn't matter if it were his thumb right? It's just another piece of skin and I shouldn't be judged by that. I just need to fix my marriage and this has nothing to do with sexual orientation because I know who I am.


You can’t be serious. 

A thumb is a thumb. 

A penis is a penis. 

Or are they not teaching that anymore?

You want to fix your marriage then face the truth. 
You cheated on your wife. You had a sexual encounter with someone other then your wife. This is called cheating. All together class, this is called cheating. Until you can get this through your brain you will not fix your marriage.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> No, what I'm saying is that it is respectable that I'm not out here just searching the internet for sex. It's somebody that she knows so she understands that this is a situation that precedes our relationship. Anyways, as much as our friendship means to me, I'm willing to cut all ties with him if it helps my wife to get over it. The problem is that she is not responding the way I need her to.


So if she wants to sleep with a guy she knew before you it’s ok. Just like you doing something sexual with your friend. Just let her know it’s ok to go mess around with a old friend that she knew before you. This should fix your marriage.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> You missed the point and this whole thing flew over your head. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it. It was because I wanted to make him happy and he wanted to make my happy. Completely different things.


This is just double talk or just bs. 

Do you not enjoy being happy?


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 16, 2017)

Ok I get. There's nothing that I can say to make you guys believe that I'm not gay but that's fine. I know who I am and that's good enough for me. I just came here to get help on fixing my marriage. It doesn't matter if I cheated with a woman or a man. I really just want to save my marriage.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cuphead said:


> Ok I get. There's nothing that I can say to make you guys believe that I'm not gay but that's fine. I know who I am and that's good enough for me. I just came here to get help on fixing my marriage. It doesn't matter if I cheated with a woman or a man. I really just want to save my marriage.


Not possible until your realize that you cheated. 

Until you have that O crap moment and it hits you that you cheated, you will never fix this. It’s like a wife saying it was just sex it didn’t mean anything. 

Would you be ok with your wife giving friend of yours a bj?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

My goodness.

I did not realize how many doors TAMMANY Hall has.

And looking to the rear, the far end of the Hall...

I see.

I see we have a back door.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Cuphead said:


> Ok I get. There's nothing that I can say to make you guys believe that I'm not gay but that's fine. I know who I am and that's good enough for me. I just came here to get help on fixing my marriage. It doesn't matter if I cheated with a woman or a man. I really just want to save my marriage.


Cuphead, maybe you will come back maybe you won',

While the Gay label is not one that you would agree with, and clearly you are married to a woman, you must admit to the fact that you are bisexual, in the sense that you enjoy giving a BJ to your friend, who is a man....here is the bigger issue and the one you need to come to grips with...what you did is cheating, any sexual involvement with someone (man or woman) outside of your wife is cheating......you can't be that delusional, i suspect that your suppressing hidden feelings that you need to address with a therapist, but yes you messed up and you need to own up on with your wife. Good Luck


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

OK so you choose to not label yourself as gay. I get it. So you are just a guy who was giving and receiving blowjobs form your guy friend to "help each other out". Thing is (and pay attention here because this is important). 99% of most women are going to look at that as cheating, gay or not. So to those 99% of women you are a cheater. 

Also 95% of people are going to at least feel you are bi. I will give you and example. Like I can look at Brad Pitt and see he is handsome, especially in the 90's (now he kind of looks methy), good looking dude though. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to ever "help him out". I would probably vomit. That doesn't mean I am homophobic, I'm not, I could care less who you sleep with and will treat you exactly the same as I will treat anyone else. I just don't have any desire to be physical with a man it kind of grosses me out. So this may be why I and your wife have some confusion on the matter. I wonder if you are not the one who is homophobic and therefore trying desperately to not see the truth about yourself. Let me ask you would it be OK if you were gay?

Personally what you have been doing in this post is arguing semantics, if now in the aftermath you are doing this with your wife I doubt it's going to work. In this case since your wife's definition is pretty much in line with almost everyone eases, it's the only one that matters. 

Good luck. And if you are a troll, good job man you got 3 pages which I assume is how you judge you success.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK so first of all oral sex IS PENETRATION. You and he penetrated each other's mouths with your penises.

Second you had sex with another man. If you don't want to call that gay - fine! Call it something else that means homosexual (**** = same and sexual = penetrating each other's mouths).

Third, it is cheating. If it is not, then how would you feel if your wife did it with her best friend (just supporting friends) who happened to be male.

Fourth, even writing about this secretly as a troll would make you a closet homosexual so think about that - don't let your fellow roommates at college find out about this.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Cuphead said:


> Ok I get. There's nothing that I can say to make you guys believe that I'm not gay but that's fine. I know who I am and that's good enough for me. I just came here to get help on fixing my marriage. It doesn't matter if I cheated with a woman or a man. I really just want to save my marriage.


Nobody here believes for a second that you aren't at least bisexual.

That aside, you don't even believe you cheated. So anyone who has been cheated on understands you have basically no idea what true remorse looks like. You have no capability of ever understanding the pain you have caused your wife. Zero ability to ever feel the hurt and humiliation and complete loss of trust you have just placed on her by your actions. You don't have the ability to be honest with yourself let alone someone else. You have absolutely no ability within yourself to ever do what it really takes to salvage your fraud of a marriage. 

So with that said, the only advice anyone can really give is allow her to move on from you. If everything you say is true, the best advice anyone would ever give you is to let her move on to someone who hasn't been cheating on her throughout your entire marriage. Allow a good woman the opportunity to find a good man who doesn't go around having oral sex and cheating behind her back and minimizing it and lying to themselves and others about it like its no big deal. 

Get into counseling and really truly work on yourself. Do not get in to any relationship at all until you understand who and what you are and are mature and mentally stable enough to accept you as yourself. It isn't fair for the other person for you to live a lie and be such a fraudulent human being. 

Now if you really think its not such a big deal, after your divorce, next time you meet a woman, go ahead and tell her you and your best friend blow each other all the time. Make it a priority to tell any potential dating prospects. Be honest and upfront for a change of pace. 

If it is really no big deal like you say, why do you keep it a secret after all?


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Cuphead said:


> We've sometimes hooked up sexually for old times sake but those times are rare since we are both happily married.


 In a monogamous relationship, having oral sex with someone other than your spouse is cheating and grounds for divorce. If your wife had a male friend from her school days, that you found out she was having oral sex with during your marriage, that would also be cheating; it would be especially upsetting if you where not told that they were friends with benefits before you met her. 



Cuphead said:


> this is something that guys do.


 No, having oral sex with your male friend is not “something that guys do” unless they are gay or bisexual. Heterosexual guys just do not do this. Also, having oral sex with someone (male or female) out side of your marriage is cheating.

If your wife were posting, I would tell her to divorce you before she has children with you, because you have weak sexual boundaries, and cheated without remorse. I say without remorse because you are telling her that it is no big deal and that it is just “something that guys do”.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have been trolled.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I'm on page 1 out of 3 on this thread... my response to Cuphead (OP) are my own at this point. My only opinion about other post so far are that the angle is most able his sexuality - either way - man, woman - he cheated on his wife.



Cuphead said:


> My wife is really upset with me and I need to help her get over it so we can move on. We've been married for 3 years and have a son together. I love her more than anything and she is my star. ~ my roommate. He was 17 and I was 18 when we moved in together. We were just 2 young freshmen that were a little too nerdy and didn't have any luck with the ladies. We developed a *deep friendship that grew sexual.* It's different because neither of us are/were gay.


Then why did you have sex with your friend, who happens to be a man? Honest question, think it would be EASIER or NOT cheating if you were only getting and giving oral sex to another woman (who is not your wife?) I kind of get the teen-age sexual experiment thing. But at 17~18 and not in prison? Okay, whatever. You both got your rocks off. Keep in mind, you yourself said "deep friendship that grew sexual" - IMO, this is beyond FWB. That is a romantic relationship.

FWB are easy to end and be just friends. Past sexual relationships with women FWB or ex-GF that I still have friendships with - I have ZERO desire to have sex with them. That is the past.

I agree - neither of you are gay. Both of you are bi-sexual. The fact that you both (men) spent years giving each other BJs = bisexual or homosexual.



> So our encounters were not sexual as far as penetration. Our time together just consisted of me and him performing oral sex on each other. It was strictly about helping each other out. So this went on for 2 years until he met his now wife and moved out.


I have many friends who happen to be gay or bisexual - both male and female. I know of a married gay couple (men), who have been together for 20+ years. They do oral and everything else buy rear-entry sex. That is there thing. (A man having anal sex with a woman = doesn't mean they are gay, right? Anal sex has nothing to do with homosexuality) Okay, you guys did this for two years. My guess, you both look forward to this? I mean, doing it a couple of times and done - "experimental", but years?



> Again, it was just more of a scratch your back and you'll scratch mine and it had nothing to do with being straight or gay. We eventually both graduated and got married to awesome women. We've sometimes hooked up sexually for old times sake but those times are rare since we are both happily married.


Most heterosexual guys just stick to masturbation. But you both didn't love your wives ENOUGH to keep your pants on? You're selfish and not even close to being remorseful of your actions by the rest of your words on your first few posts. You and your wife need lots of therapy, and its doubtful things will turnout the way you want. Sorry.
"Old time sake"? Going to a bar, playing baseball, riding bikes yeah... having sex with each other? Nope. That is called a sexual affair. And its NOT JUST sexual. You both have wives to perform oral sex. But you BOTH wanted to PERFORM the sex. Meaning, you want the feel and taste of a male sex organ. That you both did it behind your wives backs means YOU BOTH know you were not being faithful. As of now, you are not happily married.

Again - I am friends with women I've had sex with 5, 10, 15 years ago. We may hug. We catch up. *NO SEX*



> She's also thinking that I'm not heterosexual and that really hurts since I am. Any advice would be appreciated.


You are NOT HETROSEXUAL. You are BI-SEXUAL. As long as you enjoy having sex with women (your wife) you are bi-sexual. But there is a chance you or both of you are actually gay - but wanting to be hetrosexual. I cannot answer that. If you get an erection thinking about your BFF... and your actions of continued sex and WANTING to continue to have sex or have that friendship points to having an Emotional affair. Here is the thing, it is common for many gay men to have romantic relationships with women as they find who they really are. (I am NOT dictating what you are. Other than YOU are NOT Hetrosexual). Such notable people include: George Michaels. Elton John.

Here is a Kinsey Scale:
http://www.back2stonewall.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/The-Kinsey-Scale.png

You are between 1~4... Talk to a therapist.



> Okay, I will admit that I don't see it as cheating but I have to respect her viewpoint because she does see it as cheating.


It is cheating. You had SEX (Oral counts as sex) with another person behind your wife's back. That is 100% cheating.
You DO NOT respect her viewpoint. If you did, you'd admit that you are a cheater. If it wasn't cheating - then you would have told your wife "Bye dear! Love you! I'm going to suck on Dave's penis after game!". 



> Still, if I say I'm not gay then that means I'm not gay. There is no changing that because I know who I am. I just think that I should at least get some credit here since it's somebody that she knew and she know he's a good guy. That's better than it just being some guy off the street that she doesn't even know.


You maybe be gay. But you are NOT straight. Sexuality is somewhat fluid. As long as you are not 0 or 6 on the scale - a person can change a bit. My wife is bisexual. She was looking to pick up chicks when we meet and feel in love. She still likes chicks.

Credit? It is worse - it was likely your bestman at the wedding, right? It wasn't a once-off "oops mistake" - it has been going on for 5 years. You place your friend (might as well say it:"boyfriend") above your wife. So, have you considered sex with other men?

You need to work with your wife... but at this time. Your marriage is doomed. You want to continue your relationship with this other man. Why should she stay with you? 

Have you considered just moving in with him? If your wive divorces you (and his divorces him) - what will you do?

The biggest problem is that you cheated on your wife.
You cheated with and have an EA and PA with someone everyone knows.

Your sexual orientation is bottom of the list of your problems.

Good luck.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Cuphead said:


> The truth is that it doesn't matter who is doing it. Whether it is a man or a woman, the feeling is the same. Maybe you can speak for yourself when you say you will get flaccid but trust me, a lot of men from what I hear won't care as long as it feels good. I don't understand why everybody thinks that we need these labels attached. *Like I said, we were just friends. *We took care of each other's needs back then because we were lonely. Neither of us are gay and we are very strong men. I'm confident with who I am and that's a heterosexual man.


That maybe true that is the same... but my wife's face feels nothing like mine. Nobody really cares about the label, but you seem to really NOT want to be called "gay". So are you okay with being bi?
If you both were JUST FRIENDS (since you've been married) - then you wouldn't be having sex with each other since you both started having sex with women.

"Strong men" = nothing. Most gay men are STRONG MEN. Actually, "manly men" turn on gay men more than women. The stereotype you are thinking about is a minority. Want to know what typical gay or bo men look like? Look in a mirror.



> You missed the point and this whole thing flew over your head. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it. It was because I wanted to make him happy and he wanted to make my happy. Completely different things.


 You both wanted to make each other HAPPY = ENJOYMENT. That is the whole point of sex with another person.

PS: I enjoy playing video games with my friends.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Cuphead said:


> Ok I get. There's nothing that I can say to make you guys believe that I'm not gay but that's fine. I know who I am and that's good enough for me. I just came here to get help on fixing my marriage. It doesn't matter if I cheated with a woman or a man. I really just want to save my marriage.


It's simple.

Wife swap while you guys have at each other.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The OP had been banned for trolling.


----------

