# I think I finally caught my husband cheating at Brothels here in Japan.. Really????



## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2012)

My husband is in the military and we are stationed in Japan. I have suspected he cheated on me but never found real proof aside from him looking at japanese brothel webpages. I had a feeling he was going to these places regularily but I just couldnt believe it or prove it and I needed to prove it because I love him and this marriage means everything to me. Putting me into this high risk of getting stds and hiv would make him a monster and I cant imagine how someone would to that to the person they say they love. I am devastated and I am questioning myself if maybe its all in my head ?? We have had infidelity issues before, he has cheated on me numerous times before we got married 10 years ago. But I thought he had changed. And he really is a good husband. But he is also a master manipulater and when I confront him with my suspicions he acts cold and makes me think Im crazy to think this of him. Now I am doubting myself even though I have 'the feeling'...... I know it has to be true -- too many coincidances, but i am too afraid to believe it. Thats why I would like to ask you guys to tell me what you think. 
So a couple of days ago. He took out over 200 dollars in japanese yen from our account. 2 days later he came home 3 hours too late after work , brushed his teeth for no reason right away, had absolutely no sexuell interest in me all weekend even though we havent been intimate for a while and I missed him. oh and the day before he groomed himself down there and fingernails and everything... and then I found this coupon in his wallet that i know wasnt there last week. its all in japanese so I dont know what place its from but it says something like 2000 yen off for 60 min and 1000 yen off for 45............... I know the website he has been looking at was tama-crystal and I know from online research its located in a area called new town... the only thing on the bottom of the coupon card said new town. I was shaking all over after I found this. I tried to talk to him about it but he just laughts at me and is mad that I would accuse him of doing something that dirty with prostitutes. I just cant believe he would put my body into such danger after going to this place. He is supposed to love me and protect me after all. we are a family. He denies everything and turns it around and is mad at ME ! And gives me the cold shoulder.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

You have to say "sayonara" to your husband

he's cheated before, is still cheating, putting you at risk for STD's in particular since it's with prostitutes, admits nothing, and treats you poorly


your post says it all, why are you still with him?


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## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2012)

I am so naiv to believe everything he says. He telle me they dont accept foreigners in these places and I start to think hey maybe hes right .... I have been with him for so long , I am afraid of being alone. We dont have children so it would be easy to leave. And I think after thinking about it I will. We are fighting every day since I have found this out. Im trying to get him to admit to this and even said I will forgive him if he stops doing that. He cant tell me the truth. he just lies and lies and smiles at me . Its so frustrating. And I know he doesnt treat me good. Especially while we are fighting about something. He just tells me he doesnt care and I can believe what i want. To even think he has been doing this for years cheating on me with prostitutes makes me sick to my stomach. I have had suspicions for years now but never any proof like that coupon I found in his wallet.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the military usually has a family service office at each base, I would go there and discuss your options with them, so you know what you're entitled to and how to get out.


Can you move back with family in the US?


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## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2012)

I am from Europe. But yes I can go back I talked to my mother last night and she told me to "grab a handbag and leave'" HAHA my whole life is here !  I am so devastated. I saw it coming. I knew for a long time something was wrong on his side but he just lies SOOO good. Its almost like a psychopath. He even makes random jokes about it to me and laughs it off like i am the crazy one. And thats how I feel after a while....... I cant go to anyone right now I am afraid and ashamed. and he would just loose it and throw me out of the house if he found out . the base is small.... I can only talk to my family back home about it. I think before I go home I will make sure I get tested for everything. He is leaving for a training thing soon so this will not be a problem to live with him for a little while. And I know for myself I will never do sexuell things with him again until I leave . I loved him my whole adult life. I dont know how to be on my own. I am afraid.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Can you ask one of the millions of people in your city who might happen to be able to read japanese to translate the coupon for you? Before you fly off? His past behavior was bad, but you had already supposedly worked through that.

I just figure you might as well have some facts, if they're readily available. If nothing else, knowing where he'd been might help strengthen your resolve if he comes crawling back later.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what he does is called "gaslighting"
-making you feel crazy while he is the one lying

definitely get tested, also ask the doc about anti-depressants or antianxiety meds to go on for a bit as well


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## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2012)

@Thanks PBear I have been thinking about it and I will do it. Even if it is just to go through with everything in the end and not take him back

@Almostrecovered Your right ! Thats exactly what hes doing and its working !!! I feel bad for HIM and start doubting myself and I have to remind myself. I saw it black on white. the money that dissappeared and the disount card. all in basically days..... Its cheaper for me here to get medical treatment so Ill do that first before I leave but I dont think I need any anti-depressant meds. I will be ok. Right now I am in the Denying phase after the Crying phase. But talking to my mom actually helped a lot. and reading what you all think. It brings things in perspective a little because he influenzes my way of thinking so much. I am used to believe him over and over again. 

Thanks for the advices and opinions so far !!!! It helps alot to see what other people think


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

be prepared for crocodile tears from your husband when you leave. He's already skilled at manipulating you so the next phase when you tell him you are going will be to cry that he is sorry and will change. The type of man that he is (a serial cheater/liar), he is very unlikely to change unless he undergoes years of therapy.

Normally, I would tell you steps on how to R if he was willing to go NC and such, but the history you describe, his history of repeated affairs/cheating is just god awful and not worth sticking around to see if it can work. You have no kids so make a clean break. You deserve better.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

AnnaS said:


> My husband is in the military and we are stationed in Japan. I have suspected he cheated on me but never found real proof aside from him looking at japanese brothel webpages. I had a feeling he was going to these places regularily but I just couldnt believe it or prove it and I needed to prove it because I love him and this marriage means everything to me. Putting me into this high risk of getting stds and hiv would make him a monster and I cant imagine how someone would to that to the person they say they love. I am devastated and I am questioning myself if maybe its all in my head ?? We have had infidelity issues before, he has cheated on me numerous times before we got married 10 years ago. But I thought he had changed. And he really is a good husband. But he is also a master manipulater and when I confront him with my suspicions he acts cold and makes me think Im crazy to think this of him. Now I am doubting myself even though I have 'the feeling'...... I know it has to be true -- too many coincidances, but i am too afraid to believe it. Thats why I would like to ask you guys to tell me what you think.
> So a couple of days ago. He took out over 200 dollars in japanese yen from our account. 2 days later he came home 3 hours too late after work , brushed his teeth for no reason right away, had absolutely no sexuell interest in me all weekend even though we havent been intimate for a while and I missed him. oh and the day before he groomed himself down there and fingernails and everything... and then I found this coupon in his wallet that i know wasnt there last week. its all in japanese so I dont know what place its from but it says something like 2000 yen off for 60 min and 1000 yen off for 45............... I know the website he has been looking at was tama-crystal and I know from online research its located in a area called new town... the only thing on the bottom of the coupon card said new town. I was shaking all over after I found this. I tried to talk to him about it but he just laughts at me and is mad that I would accuse him of doing something that dirty with prostitutes. I just cant believe he would put my body into such danger after going to this place. He is supposed to love me and protect me after all. we are a family. He denies everything and turns it around and is mad at ME ! And gives me the cold shoulder.


 
Sounds like a Narcissist. I know I may say this alot but there are so many people walking around with this disorder. It is all about them and if you call them out or expose their dirt, they ignore you and cut you off but still continue on with their outside sick behavior


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

AnnaS said:


> I am from Europe. But yes I can go back I talked to my mother last night and she told me to "grab a handbag and leave'" HAHA my whole life is here !  I am so devastated. I saw it coming. I knew for a long time something was wrong on his side but he just lies SOOO good. Its almost like a *psychopath*. He even makes random jokes about it to me and laughs it off like i am the crazy one. And thats how I feel after a while....... I cant go to anyone right now I am afraid and ashamed. and he would just loose it and throw me out of the house if he found out . the base is small.... I can only talk to my family back home about it. I think before I go home I will make sure I get tested for everything. He is leaving for a training thing soon so this will not be a problem to live with him for a little while. And I know for myself I will never do sexuell things with him again until I leave . I loved him my whole adult life. I dont know how to be on my own. I am afraid.


Yeah Narcissist and Psychopath that is a serious combination to live with and stay sane. Start reading articles I have some great eye opening stuff I've found. You have to read this everyday to stay away and know that this person risked your health and does not care about you only himself. They are incapable of loving and if he tries to get you back it is not you he is wnating back it is 'WINNING' that he wants to achieve. He will always need to go out and be with other women to make him feel validated and you will either stay a way from him or always wonder where he is getting his narcissitic supply today.


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

He was never faithful in your relationship and you stayed with him, Sorry but thats stupid. Why would you stay with someone that cheated on you numerous times? You are lucky you have no children together, It will make divorce that much easier. Simply pack your stuff and leave because he is not worth the problems that he is currently causing.


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## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2012)

Why did I stay with him? He cheated before we were married and we broke up due to his moving away for a year. In this year he called me every weekend and we worked it out. I flew over to be with him and we got married. We have been married over 11 years now and I never had any proof of him cheating during our marriage. I just found out recently. .. of course I was suspicious but there was never any real proof. And he is good with words and made me think I overreacted over certain things. 
And now. Another setback in our marriage. After all that talking and fighting and him still not admitting to anything.. he left for a shot deployment and took some of his sex pills with him. I counted them a day before. It was my last test and he failed it. So soon he will be back acting like everything is fine after doing IT..... I haven't cried in the last days. I just cant believe what I'm seeing. I keep counting the pills but nothing changes.....
today was not a good day and all I wanna do is go back in time before he did the things I know about now. I want to hold him and kiss him
But I cant


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

AnnaS said:


> I am so naiv to believe everything he says. He telle me they dont accept foreigners in these places and I start to think hey maybe hes right .... I


WOW, they almost always cater to foreigners, that's where the money is at.


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## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

I am in the same situation as you.while my hubby was in korea he cheated with the local juicy bar girls.he spent so much money on them.i just found out renently about this.and to add salt to my wounds the juicy girls have his photos with him on their facebook accounts.he called me from korea telling me his laptop & cell were broke that was the reason he took out almost 4,000 in a month.he even stopped calling for 2 weeks while he was doing this.trust me from 1 military wife to another,our husbands stay in this brother hood pack who does nothing but cheat on their wives.they lie for each other.i even found an email where 1 married soldier was begging my hubby to lie to his wife.


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## danielled (Nov 3, 2015)

well reading all this makes me wanna break up with my bf who is recently in boot camp for usmc  as it is im already sad that hes gone..
& he wants to get married soon, like in a couple of years.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

old thread!


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