# Initiating sex



## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, and together for 13. We have had more than our fair share of problems, but the one thing that has always been guaranteed is that when we have sex (though it is not frequent anymore) it is great. 

I have been on antidepressants for the last several years which lowered my sex drive. I knew that it lowered my sex drive, but really did not realize how much. He kept pushing for sex, and I finally went to my doctor and discussed it, and was put on a new antidepressant. I now have a sex drive like I have not had in YEARS. It is also very easy for me to orgasm, where before it was very difficult and just did not happen. So, the change of drugs has done a lot.

But, the problem is that now that I am into sex all the time, he does not really seem to be. He is happy with once a week or so, and I walk around wanting sex all the time. I have tried talking to him about it, and he says it is because I do not initiate it. He has always been the one to initiate it. i just am not comfortable being the one to do the initiating, and don't really even know where to start.

How do I fix this?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I've heard of people doing things like lighting a candle or asking if their spouse wants a back rub as their "code" for saying they want sex.

If you can't ask directly, that might be a way to get the message across.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Now you have an idea of what your husband went through before your med change. You determined that he could not be a sexual person and now you determine that he can be. (I do realize it has to do with meds and not actually a choice, but you were the determining factor). This guy probably doesn't know whether he's coming or going (no pun intended). Depending on how low your drive was and how long it lasted, lots of damage to his self-image could have been done. Initiate sex with him! You won't turn to stone but parts of him probably will. You'll get what you need and he will get a badly needed ego boost. I don't know any man who wouldn't love to be romanced and basically attacked by the woman they love.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am trying to stop myself from writing about sex. 

But I will still tell you something I do all the time. 

I am aggressive as a woman for sex. When I see my husband naked, I just grab his coxk and play with it. When he is reading or typing, and I am bored, I just go up to him and unzip his pants and start sucking his coxk. I make him rock hard, then I make him stand up, so I can enjoy his manliness. When we are on his motorcycle, I put my hands down to his crotch and search for his coxk. Take any opportunity to grab him and stroke him, he'll be thrilled and horny. 

So please take a small move first and then do it more often, and always smile to him in a lustful way. When you put on your sexy underwear, walk in front of him and let him enjoy. When you just finish showering, walk in front of him and play with your tits in front of him, anyway, create all the scenes for him to enjoy. 

During sex, moan loudly to make him fuxk you hard...........

After sex, tell him that your puxxx is sore.............


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

It seems to me that letting feelings of discomfort prevent you from getting your needs met AND make up for years of neglect is a bit immature. He's asked for this. He has communicated a request and you are refusing to do it. What's the problem? 

This is an opportunity for you to take some personal responsibility for your life. I'd suggest you seize it.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You just go for it. Kiss him in bed, run your hand down and grab hold of him. Tell him you want him, give him a look, come in the room in heels and thigh high stockings...any and all of those will let him know what you're after. 

I think most people who avoid initiating do so out of fear of rejection. What you have to remember is that he wants you, too. Even if by some chance he did reject you, it wouldn't be you specifically he was rejecting; he would simply be rejecting sex for one night. He loves you, he wants you, so give the man what he wants so he can give you what you want!


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

wear something sexy, then climb aboard. lol


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Kids don't really care whether Santa comes down the chimney or through the basement door as long as he shows up. There are probably a million ways for a woman to initiate sex and most of us would respond appropriately to every one of them. We aren't famous for our high levels of resistance.


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## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Kids don't really care whether Santa comes down the chimney or through the basement door as long as he shows up. There are probably a million ways for a woman to initiate sex and most of us would respond appropriately to every one of them. We aren't famous for our high levels of resistance.


This really made me laugh! But it is a good analogy. I thank all of you for your answers. I know that it seems like I am being immature and ridiculous, but I don't mean to be. We just have had a lot of problems for a long time, and things sometimes seem really awkward and difficult between us. So initiating does not come easily to me. But I am going to try!!


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Kids don't really care whether Santa comes down the chimney or through the basement door as long as he shows up. There are probably a million ways for a woman to initiate sex and most of us would respond appropriately to every one of them. We aren't famous for our high levels of resistance.


I AGREE!! no resistance here.........


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I am trying to stop myself from writing about sex.
> 
> But I will still tell you something I do all the time.
> 
> ...


greenpearl,

I do not think it possible for you to stop LOL!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If a brainless 18 year old swinging on a pole can get a room full of men worked up, then an intelligent,sexy woman who knows her man inside and out shouldn't have any problem dialing her's in. If my wife were so inclined, she could play me like grandpa's banjo anytime, any day, anywhere. She knows more about what I like than I do.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

dblkman said:


> greenpearl,
> 
> i do not think it possible for you to stop lol!!


you know me!


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> you know me!


hey, rub off some of ur hormones onto my gal!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

malmale said:


> hey, rub off some of ur hormones onto my gal!!!


I really want to!

I wish I had that power and make all women as horny as men!


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I really want to!
> 
> I wish I had that power and make all women as horny as men!


LOL
if only pleasing 1 another was so ez, this site wont appear at all!


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