# Help please I’m so frustrated!



## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

nnawake47
I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Donnawake47 said:


> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him.


He's repeatedly told you this is who he is. So why not believe him? If you're "heading for a breakdown" it's because you're bringing it upon yourself. 

The often-quoted definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So the two of you were around 18 and 35 when you got together?


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> So the two of you were around 18 and 35 when you got together?


Yes we were


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> So the two of you were around 18 and 35 when you got together?


He was very controlling at first for the first few years we were together it was really bad but he sort of got better as the years went on. I fell pregnant a couple of weeks after meeting him.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

You can't force anyone to change or make even a basic effort if they don't want to. It seems to me you have 2 choices. You can find friends and outside interests and lead separate lives but stay together. The other option is divorce. Aim for an amicable one if he will allow that. Consult a lawyer so you have an idea what it would look like. You are young and can have many great years ahead of you. It sure beats staying in an unhappy marriage just because. If you divorce, make sure he gets a great tv and you can both be happy.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

QuietGuy said:


> You can't force anyone to change or make even a basic effort if they don't want to. It seems to me you have 2 choices. You can find friends and outside interests and lead separate lives but stay together. The other option is divorce. Aim for an amicable one if he will allow that. Consult a lawyer so you have an idea what it would look like. You are young and can have many great years ahead of you. It sure beats staying in an unhappy marriage just because. If you divorce, make sure he gets a great tv and you can both be happy.


Thank you for your advice I did laugh a little at the TV part! 😂


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


At one point he was a 35 year old dating an 18 year old. That right there should be a sign he might be a little off IMO. But he has straight up told you he's not changing, he has no interest in changing, he clearly doesn't value you in any meaningful way. You can chose to stay with him until his death, based on average life expectancy you should still be under 60 by the time that happens. Or you can cut your losses, move on and find someone who is interested in you. You will probably find he moves on rather quickly to a mature 20 year old.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

happyhusband0005 said:


> At one point he was a 35 year old dating an 18 year old. That right there should be a sign he might be a little off IMO. But he has straight up told you he's not changing, he has no interest in changing, he clearly doesn't value you in any meaningful way. You can chose to stay with him until his death, based on average life expectancy you should still be under 60 by the time that happens. Or you can cut your losses, move on and find someone who is interested in you. You will probably find he moves on rather quickly to a mature 20 year old.


Really?

What 20 year old is going to want him? That's certainly a stretch !!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Really?
> 
> What 20 year old is going to want him? That's certainly a stretch !!


Ok good point. He will try to quickly move on to a mature 20 year old.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Really?
> 
> What 20 year old is going to want him? That's certainly a stretch !!





happyhusband0005 said:


> Ok good point. He will try to quickly move on to a mature 20 year old.


It’s definitely over now Iv had enough thank you for your advice


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## Theambassador (12 mo ago)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


Hello, how are you doing today. 
I took the time to read your situation and I think I might have the right solution for you. 
We can't deal with anyone's problem if you don't know how to deal with our problem first. 
You stated that he is constantly saying " He can't be the man you want" and He is his personality and he want you to be yours." 
actually he is right be right. Hear me out. Joy and happiness are pretty contagious. Light and day are involuntary braggers. they don't need to tell you anything about themselves and you can clearly see them. What I meant is, you need to know who you are in order to who you are to start expressing. 
You are someone who wants to live, so please start living. No one will start living for you if you don't start taking the first step. You are a communicator, so please start communicating, built your own social networking and just bring them to your life. You are depressed because you are in a middle of a depressive situation, but you are not depression. You are a creative human being, so start creating in the middle of the chaos. What you want won't come to you and will not even be given to you, unless, you seek it, you search it and knock for it. 

It is not that he is bad, now it's your turn to be so contagious by what you are and to split and invade the place by what you are.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Theambassador said:


> Hello, how are you doing today.
> I took the time to read your situation and I think I might have the right solution for you.
> We can't deal with anyone's problem if you don't know how to deal with our problem first.
> You stated that he is constantly saying " He can't be the man you want" and He is his personality and he want you to be yours."
> ...


thank you 😊😊


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.



I too share the age gap with my own husband. If only our child were 16, I'd be gone, well, I think I would be. 
My child would be old enough to understand what's going on I would think. Anyhow, you don't have to leave since he's fine with the way things are. You can make a new friends, find things you like to do. I understand wanting companionship, and I have made the mistake once on stepping out of my marriage. 

Don't do that. Either cut ties or accept him for who he has consistently shown you he is and TOLD you even. At least he doesn't pretend like mine does. But get you a network of pals, find something you enjoy doing, make a way for your own self to take back the joy in your life, you're looking for him to provide that he just won't. You can do it.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I too share the age gap with my own husband. If only our child were 16, I'd be gone, well, I think I would be.
> My child would be old enough to understand what's going on I would think. Anyhow, you don't have to leave since he's fine with the way things are. You can make a new friends, find things you like to do. I understand wanting companionship, and I have made the mistake once on stepping out of my marriage.
> 
> Don't do that. Either cut ties or accept him for who he has consistently shown you he is and TOLD you even. At least he doesn't pretend like mine does. But get you a network of pals, find something you enjoy doing, make a way for your own self to take back the joy in your life, you're looking for him to provide that he just won't. You can do it.


I really just want a new start but I’m scared to take the jump, I haven’t been happy for a long time and I can’t see it changing anytime soon. I just don’t like hurting people I always worry whether they will be ok


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

He's not going to change. Here's how guys look at it, the youngest is 16, so worse case he has a couple years of child support then he's free.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Donnawake47 said:


> I really just want a new start but I’m scared to take the jump, I haven’t been happy for a long time and I can’t see it changing anytime soon. I just don’t like hurting people I always worry whether they will be ok


 Do you have children? I don't see how staying with someone and meeting needs outside will work. What about sex? Will you outsource that too?

Seriously it's time to think about your future, you're not getting any younger waiting for him to never change.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Paging @lifeistooshort.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Al_Bundy said:


> He's not going to change. Here's how guys look at it, the youngest is 16, so worse case he has a couple years of child support then he's free.


23 year relationship. Depending on the state, worst case is he might not be done for a long while.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

DownButNotOut said:


> 23 year relationship. Depending on the state, worst case is he might not be done for a long while.


Agreed, he might never be done. But that is the mentality of a lot of guys, they just think about the child support. Depends on how much he has to lose, based her limited description it doesn't sound like much.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

TXTrini said:


> Do you have children? I don't see how staying with someone and meeting needs outside will work. What about sex? Will you outsource that too?
> 
> Seriously it's time to think about your future, you're not getting any younger waiting for him to never change.


Thank you


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Al_Bundy said:


> Agreed, he might never be done. But that is the mentality of a lot of guys, they just think about the child support. Depends on how much he has to lose, based her limited description it doesn't sound like much.


We aren’t married just been living together for 23 years, and yesterday he was making a joke out of it standing waving and smiling


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Your children are 22 and 16. They should understand what's happening. He may not, he may be perfectly happy with your lives together, but you are not and you still have so much of your life ahead of you.
At some point, I guess the children will leave home, what will you do then? You don't have to be unhappy for the rest of your life just because he is happy.

Your flag says you are UK based. You're not married, you could go easily. He will have to pay some child support for your youngest still if they stay with you, unless you can both work out an alternative arrangement. Are you in a financial position to set up again?


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

MarmiteC said:


> Your children are 22 and 16. They should understand what's happening. He may not, he may be perfectly happy with your lives together, but you are not and you still have so much of your life ahead of you.
> At some point, I guess the children will leave home, what will you do then? You don't have to be unhappy for the rest of your life just because he is happy.
> 
> Your flag says you are UK based. You're not married, you could go easily. He will have to pay some child support for your youngest still if they stay with you, unless you can both work out an alternative arrangement. Are you in a financial position to set up again?


My daughter left home when she was 18 and there’s just my son at home now, to be honest I’m not too bothered financially I’d rather be happy, I’m training for a new career at the minute as a nail technician so I’m planning my future.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

It's always difficult when thinking about ending a relationship, but it sounds like you know what you need to do. I wish you all the best.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

MarmiteC said:


> It's always difficult when thinking about ending a relationship, but it sounds like you know what you need to do. I wish you all the best.


Thank you It’s just so hard after so long I think I’m scared of being alone and hurting the other person


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Donnawake47 said:


> Thank you It’s just so hard after so long I think I’m scared of being alone and hurting the other person


Aren't you lonely anyway? At least on your own you aren't obligated to him also, only to yourself and your son. In my experience I was less lonely after leaving. 

Hurting the other person... well, what about the hurt he is causing you by refusing to acknowledge or work with you on your unhappiness. That doesn't seem to both him? Sometimes, you just have to put yourself first.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Donnawake47 said:


> _*All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.*_


See a professional about your extreme *co-dependency *to someone who treats you only _mildly _better than something he finds on the bottom of his shoe after walking through your backyard.

Where is your dignity?

You've spent HOW many years begging this fool for a scrap of attention and crying alone in your bedroom? Find your dignity, OP. What does it *take *to open your eyes?


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

MarmiteC said:


> Aren't you lonely anyway? At least on your own you aren't obligated to him also, only to yourself and your son. In my experience I was less lonely after leaving.
> 
> Hurting the other person... well, what about the hurt he is causing you by refusing to acknowledge or work with you on your unhappiness. That doesn't seem to both him? Sometimes, you just have to put yourself first.


I know your absolutely right


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Donnawake47 said:


> We aren’t married just been living together for 23 years, and yesterday he was making a joke out of it standing waving and smiling


So unfortunately my first comment was probably right. He's checked out. Being single won't guarantee happiness but staying will definitely guarantee you won't be happy.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Only you can decide what you need to be happy. You are quite young yet. You can still do a lot with your life. I am over 20 years older than you are. When I think back to everything I have experienced since I was 41 I realize what a ride it has been. My relationship has been stable but we have had many adventures and made big decisions. We have done major relocations and changed careers. We have had many vacation adventures. Only now do I feel like age is slowly limiting my energy and the possibilities for what I might do. You never know when you will feel those doors slowly start to close. When I was 41 I did not feel young but I was. You are young enough to have a complete second life if you want. Focus on what will make you feel happy and excited about the future. You have the time now, but it is passing and at some point the range of possibilities will start to decrease. Good luck on whatever path you choose.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

QuietGuy said:


> Only you can decide what you need to be happy. You are quite young yet. You can still do a lot with your life. I am over 20 years older than you are. When I think back to everything I have experienced since I was 41 I realize what a ride it has been. My relationship has been stable but we have had many adventures and made big decisions. We have done major relocations and changed careers. We have had many vacation adventures. Only now do I feel like age is slowly limiting my energy and the possibilities for what I might do. You never know when you will feel those doors slowly start to close. When I was 41 I did not feel young but I was. You are young enough to have a complete second life if you want. Focus on what will make you feel happy and excited about the future. You have the time now, but it is passing and at some point the range of possibilities will start to decrease. Good luck on whatever path you choose.


Thank you so much everyone has been very helpful and I very much appreciate it


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, I divorced a guy that was 19 years older then me over 3 years ago. Fortunately we didn't have kids together and my kids just put up with him.

And I make a lot of money so I didn't need him financially. You can read my story here if you want.

These age differences come with a lot of issues you don't realize and men who sniff out much younger women are often poor partner material. Women their own age don't put up with it, but younger women are more easily manipulated and put up with a lot. And the older partner never sees the younger partner as an equal.

I'm 47 and left when I was 44...best decision of my life besides having my kids. How much longer are you going to beg for scraps from a scumbag with nothing to offer just so you don't have to be alone?

Get rid of this guy, and be prepared for the begging once he realizes you're really going. My ex was a nasty prick until he realized I was going to leave and then the begging started.

I have my own house and a lovely bf of several years. Just remember that you're eventually going to change this guy's diapers. Are you ok with changing the diapers of a guy who treats you like ****?

Get out of the victim chair, get a job, and get rid of this guy.


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## damo7 (Jul 16, 2020)

What would an honest post from him read like? I'm guessing something like: "My wife is very high maintenance, needs constant attention and conversation. I have work and hobbies I need to do and she'll never understand this and interrupt me. Our conversations go around in circles and the drama is never enough for her." LOL. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just not saying he is either.


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## Elise2022 (Jan 2, 2022)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


I have always believed that when a man loves a woman, he will compromise, and if a man does not love a woman, he will do whatever he wants, regardless of her feelings. Women are the same to men.

Life is short, if couple don't love each other, just separate well, start again. If still love, cherish the time you spend together. Is earlier to find out the loved couple that the smile on the face, the enthusiasm for life, and the compromise for each other...


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

damo7 said:


> What would an honest post from him read like? I'm guessing something like: "My wife is very high maintenance, needs constant attention and conversation. I have work and hobbies I need to do and she'll never understand this and interrupt me. Our conversations go around in circles and the drama is never enough for her." LOL. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just not saying he is either.
> 
> Why comment if your going to be cocky? First of all I’m not his wife! And I don’t need constant attention if you had read my post properly! He has no hobbies other than TV and doesn’t work so in future when someone needs advice maybe think about what your going to say a bit more carefully.


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## StellaRose (12 mo ago)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


The toughest part about life is accepting that we cannot change another person. And unfortunately... after talking to him about your concerns for that long... it really sounds like he does not want to change.

So what is best for you? How do you want to live the rest of your life? What would give you happiness and a connection with others?


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

Elise2022 said:


> I have always believed that when a man loves a woman, he will compromise, and if a man does not love a woman, he will do whatever he wants, regardless of her feelings. Women are the same to men.
> 
> Life is short, if couple don't love each other, just separate well, start again. If still love, cherish the time you spend together. Is earlier to find out the loved couple that the smile on the face, the enthusiasm for life, and the compromise for each other...


Thank you yes I always said that myself all I want is compromise but he refuses and a bit enthusiasm for life again.


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## Donnawake47 (12 mo ago)

StellaRose said:


> The toughest part about life is accepting that we cannot change another person. And unfortunately... after talking to him about your concerns for that long... it really sounds like he does not want to change.
> 
> So what is best for you? How do you want to live the rest of your life? What would give you happiness and a connection with others?


Someone I can connect with emotionally who communicates as this is one of the main things causing a lot of frustration and upset, the fact that my feelings are ignored he states he is happy and that there’s nothing wrong with the relationship, but when I try to talk to him I just get the response “I don’t know” or “because I don’t” “I am who I am and I won’t change. Lack of communication has just destroyed our relationship. If I try talk to him calmly he doesn’t even turn his head round to listen.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

damo7 said:


> What would an honest post from him read like? I'm guessing something like: "My wife is very high maintenance, needs constant attention and conversation. I have work and hobbies I need to do and she'll never understand this and interrupt me. Our conversations go around in circles and the drama is never enough for her." LOL. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just not saying he is either.


You haven't ever heard a peep out of him So how do you know he isn't wrong? Usually in a relationship both people have something that could be improved.
Yeah if you click on his name you can see his history of posts. And you can put him on ignore.

While in most relationship both partners have something they could improve on. It's obvious your husband doesn't desire to basically be a partner. You are like a wife appliance (even though you aren't a wife) you cook, you clean you do things he doesn't have enough money to pay someone else to do. 

BTW does england have common law marriages cause you may still be owed alimony or pension if you separate.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Donnawake47 said:


> Someone I can connect with emotionally who communicates as this is one of the main things causing a lot of frustration and upset, the fact that my feelings are ignored he states he is happy and that there’s nothing wrong with the relationship, but when I try to talk to him I just get the response “I don’t know” or “because I don’t” “I am who I am and I won’t change. Lack of communication has just destroyed our relationship. If I try talk to him calmly he doesn’t even turn his head round to listen.


He is who he is. He is also like an old man. If you stay you will be his nurse maid as well. So he doesn't fulfill you now and will need you later maybe for years. There is almost zero chance that you will have a long term illness before he does. Yet he can't even muster a little bit of life and fun for you now. 

If he's always been this way then it isn't fair to expect him to just change. A person who wants the relationship will at least try. He seems like he's willing to let go instead of trying. It is always tough and scary to go into the unknown. 

How long before your nail tech will be finished? 
Get a plan. Figure out how long for your nail. Start saving money. Look for a place to live. Check with legal aid or someone who can tell you what your rights are as a long term partner. Do you rent or own? Don't move out until you figure out your rights. 

If you really want to see change you can let him know the plan that if by x date he can't provide you with an emotional connection you'll be leaving. Personally I wouldn't, I'd be done. But you could. If you do make sure to let him know specifically the things you want. I want to spend more time together is generic. I want to spend 1 hour in the evening going for a walk and talking about our day is specific. Don't leave it to him to read your mind. Ask him if there is anything you can do to improve with him. He says he's happy but that doesn't mean he doesn't want.... you to dress sexy on Friday's or never cook liver again.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Donnawake47 said:


> nnawake47
> I really need some advice please, Iv been with my partner for 23 years we have two children age 22 and 16, he’s 58 and I’m 41, the last few years Iv been very unhappy and my partner is not a good communicator at all, everytime I try to have a discussion about things he just stares at the tv. He’s never really been there emotionally for me and I feel like we have no connection whatsoever, I want different things I’m still young so I want to do things in life like enjoy the time I have left and he said he’s happy to watch tv for the rest of his life! I’m so frustrated I’m starting to resent him, everytime I ask him can you not compromise? He will say all the time “no that’s the way I am” “I’m me and your you” and point blank refuses to discuss anything. All I ask of him is to try talking a bit more and also show a bit more affection and be willing to enjoy whatever life is left as it’s just too short, a year ago I used to sit every night and practically beg for his attention as he would just sit on the laptop every night and just blank me, I’d often cry myself to sleep, I’m not a needy person but sometimes it feels like I’m in a one sided relationship at times, me always trying to sort things out and I feel mentally drained. And he makes a joke out of us breaking up by laughing and waving bye! Fed up!
> All I ever seem to hear are the same words “i am who I am” “ I can’t be the man you want.” It’s so hard to break up with someone after so long but I feel so miserable. He’s not abusive or anything, but it’s so hard to get anything out of him. When I say we need to talk about things he’ll say there’s no point! I feel like just giving up. Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to think anymore I feel I’m heading for a breakdown.


You both whiners. Get back to living, dating.
Learn what Beshert means. You both got lazy,
Separate and divorced, life is worse when you start over.


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