# I'm an idiot. Go easy please...



## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

Met a beautiful woman a few years back from another country. It turned out that she had an ex from not far from where I live.
We married in her country but she always kept in touch with her ex. We both agreed to cut off all exes etc...
I managed to get her into my country (really hard work!) and all was well...
We've been here a couple of years now.
The ex still reappears occasionally. I've had all of the 'in love with two men' etc etc crap in the past but I thought it had been resolved.
A few months ago I looked at her phone and saw she had texted a friend, asking them to lie about where she was if I asked.
I confronted her, she lied.
I showed her the evidence, she said her ex needed to talk to her and was confused... She went to see him after the friend.
She has had an abusive relationship in the past and has always picked awful, lying guys - think snakes.
a couple of months ago she told me that the ex creature was outside our home playing loud music and she had told him to go away...
Recently, nothing I do is good enough. I look gay, walk gay, act gay, I'm lazy, do nothing, am a loser, ugly and apparently urinate down my leg(!)
For the record, I'm a decent looking guy and she's a decent looking woman.
I will say that she told me the jealous ex would say I looked gay etc though. He certainly does.
This was immediately before she went to visit a friend at the other end of the country for a weekend. That part at least was ok but in the back of my mind, I knew she could have gone somewhere else.
She no longer cooks, cleans, does dishes and is slow with washing etc.
It's all left to me.
I've hardly eaten in months which she says makes me unnattractive.
Phew.
After the far off visit, she started having girl nights.3 weeks back, she went overnight, the same city where her ex lives, with the girls.
She's done this a few times now, including mid-week.
Before she went to visit the friend, we had been together every single night apart from a couple of years back when she had gone and cheated on me for no reason. Apparently to make sure we couldn't be together etc etc.
She came back.
I figured out how to track iPhones.
A couple of times ago she said some guy had invited her to a restaurant at a hotel and, out of interest, wanted to know about the hotel...
A week ago she took a new job and had to go to that city for training.
She said she would call me when the training was over.
No call.
Her emails showed it finished at mid-day.
I tracked her.
She was at the same place as that hotel, then she went back to the place where she said her 'friend' that is a girl lives. Took me a long time to get a fake name out of her.
She texted, said she would be better staying overnight for more training the next day and I wasn't to think anything was wrong...
:rofl:
This weekend, she was going away with a girl she knows to her vilage. She went there last weekend and tracking confirmed.
I watched with interest as the car went down a different road to that city.
I called her when she got there.
Asked her where she was...
In the village.
Actually at the same address as the last couple of dodgy times.
Still not back.
I've paid a crap load of money for her next visa which we sent off a week ago.
Past few days before leaving - doesn't want to see me, hear me, I am to leave the room, not to talk to her because it makes her suicidal etc etc...
She went and spent a ton of cash on new clothes which she showed to me - panties and stuff.
Even changed her hair colour the day before, then changed it back!
It gets better.
We thought we had Candida (thrush) due to symptoms and neither of us had cheated but... I'm thinking something worse now. The clap or something.
I never have enough cash for what she wants and she threatens to find it otherwise.
Last couple of weeks - no sex. Since the candida actually...
She dropped her treatment and failed to buy another...
After I first met her, she accused me of giving her some small STI - trachy something I think. A bacteria.
I wonder if she has it again now or something worse.
I'll definitely go and get checked ASAP anyway.

Don't laugh, but the night before she left, she was very tired so set me to looking for a job for her...
She kept saying it should be in that city because she likes it there.
She wants to go to University again but it should be there, because she likes it there...
I saw her looking for a flat in the area of the city she was in a week before on the net.
She said it was for her girl-friend...

I've had little contact from her until now, apart from a couple of stupid messages on facebook asking how I was, which I've ignored.
She really was the love of my life, in my opinion, and I'm not sure about what I should do next.
I could pick up some dirty in a couple of hours, just like any other guy, but I don't see the point.

What an idiot she is / thinks I am - wouldn't take 5 minutes to get deported if I was that way inclined.

If I'm nice to her, she goes mad and tries to destroy me with words. Last week - wanted an open relationship or for me to cheat so that she 'would want me again'. Probably so that I could pick up that STI...
I tried giving her the quiet treatment, ignoring her.
She went crazy. Shouting at me to pay for something, pulling my hair, kept trying to hug me and pull my phone off me.

It's easy for some guy to wait in the background for a real man to fix all of life's problems, then pay a few hundred $ to snare her when I'm down many thousands...

If I try to talk, she doesn't want to hear it.
Recent events - She loves me but isn't in love with me, and wants me as a friend. More recent - Doesn't know what she wants, confused in her life, needs space.
I had that before she left last.
I walked out then because she told me she enjoyed sex with the guy she cheated on me with a few years back.
I get a texted apology - sorry for everything.
Mad.

Thoughts..?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Divorce papers.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

No kids right? 

If you're not insane and want to retain whatever sanity you have let the visa lapse and move on.


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## leslie2 (Apr 21, 2014)

wow. I know that love can blur your judgment sometimes, but in your case you should get a divorce asap. How long you guys have been together? was there any time you guys were truly happy without any of the drama?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Run forest Run!.

Seriously, You need to send her divorce papers. It will be much cheaper in the end.
If she bawls & cries & says she doesn't have enough money, and is dependent on you and needs you.
Bull. She's been doing just fine staying with her "friend". 

She can look for her own job. She can deal with her own visa issues, etc. You were meant to be her spouse, not her keeper.

She ran... so It shows where her heart is. 

"She was confused". Thats fine. Thats normal. It is also normal for adults to have to pay their own consequences for the actions they chose to take. Quit paying her consequences for her. She'll never grow up or decide where or what relationship she wants to settle in, until she knows & realizes the cost of each decision she makes.


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## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Divorce papers.


So basically she's using you to gain citizenship or a green card? Why are you doing that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Imagine that this were being chanted by a crowd of onlookers as if you were at a sporting event...

Di-vorce pa-pers!

Clap clap clap-clap-clap

Di-vorce pa-pers!

Clap clap clap-clap-clap

Now make it happen. File for divorce citing infidelity, cut her out of your life, and never look back. 

Seriously, you're not even a Plan B to this woman... more like Plan Z.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You sponsored her. Did you sign a guarantee sponsorship agreement? Will you be on the hook financially?


Which country is she from?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Seriously, you're not even a Plan B to this woman... more like Plan Z.


More likely he was the means to citizenship.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

You are getting used.

So is she by the sounds of it.

You need to start reading a few other threads here to save yourself some typing.

MOST Of the post you made is so textbook it's not even worth reading, sorry to say.

She is immature, deceitful, and selfish.

As is probably the guy she's been with.

Just unload the dead weight.

a. stop listening to whatever nonsense she says - she's a liar. She uses words to achieve goals, no to resolve anything. She has agendas and she will push them on you. If she wants to hurt you, she will say something mean. If she wants money, she will tell you she's sorry. Its all baloney.

b. separate bank accounts - FAST.

c. Don't pursue her. Go about your life like she doesn't exist.

The sooner you unload this user the better off you are.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Maybe if you get an annulment she wont' get her papers.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I hope you get the help you need.

If this story is real, nobody with even the most severe emotional issues would put up with catching multiple std's from a cheating wife who has said multiple times she doesn't love him...yells at him, pulls his hair, spends tons of money, doesn't do chores at home..etc etc etc.

So if this is real or not you need help.


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## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

Heh. 
Thanks for the advice. 
We had a really amazing relationship at first. Kind of like the perfect couple. Maybe she's a good actress. I don't know.
She's from Azerbaijan.
She's from a wealthy family so I don't know if it was just about the money.
The ex used to work there.
We both made a lot of promises and I'm the only one keeping them. I'm leaning towards divorce.
Would make a change from her threatening it all of the time!


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## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

Yes, it's all real. I just found this forum today.
Haven't even eaten in like 3 days.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

winder28 said:


> Yes, it's all real. I just found this forum today.
> Haven't even eaten in like 3 days.


First thing you need to do is take care of your health. Eat properly and try to get sleep. 

Then go to the dr and get the proper diagnosis for the STI she gave you. It can probably be cured with antibiotics. Then stop having sexual contact with her so you dont get re-infected.

Next you need to not "lean towards divorce" as you say. You need to RUN TO A DIVORCE ATTORNEY. Tomorrow. Unless you like being treated like dog crap at the bottom of her shoe.


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## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

sinnister said:


> I hope you get the help you need.
> 
> If this story is real, nobody with even the most severe emotional issues would put up with catching multiple std's from a cheating wife who has said multiple times she doesn't love him...yells at him, pulls his hair, spends tons of money, doesn't do chores at home..etc etc etc.
> 
> So if this is real or not you need help.


Always in the end it would turn around and we'd be ok again, though next time it would usually be worse.
She has problems with stress etc.
A few months back I had her trying to gouge my eyes and trying to hit me with a belt...
I'm pretty laid back. Looking back, maybe a bit too laid back...


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## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

sinnister said:


> First thing you need to do is take care of your health. Eat properly and try to get sleep.
> 
> Then go to the dr and get the proper diagnosis for the STI she gave you. It can probably be cured with antibiotics. Then stop having sexual contact with her so you dont get re-infected.
> 
> Next you need to not "lean towards divorce" as you say. You need to RUN TO A DIVORCE ATTORNEY. Tomorrow. Unless you like being treated like dog crap at the bottom of her shoe.


I'm waiting for her to re-appear today.
She'll lie through her teeth. I'm done with her really.
There is no sexual contact - she can't stand me touching her - maybe a couple of weeks now.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Go get something to eat. Then bag up all her clothes in garbage bags and set them out side the door. When she comes back tell her you want her gone, as in for good. She's a user.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## winder28 (Jun 8, 2014)

She's on her way back apparently.
Should be interesting.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No kids right? What country are you from in relation to Azerbaijan? What are the Financial implications on YOU for letting her visa expire?

She goes back to Azerbaijan right? If that was me if be whistling a happy tune that day.

Emotional abuse, physical abuse, wants open marriage. Seems to be cheating left and right, flaunts it under your nose.

This isn't the first thread where a hubby brings home a foreign woman, and lo and behold the ex bf lives in same country. What a coincidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

winder28 said:


> ...There is no sexual contact - she can't stand me touching her - maybe a couple of weeks now.


Just as well, there's probably mushrooms crawling with crabs in there. Get yourself checked out and don't let her sleep in your bed.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

winder28 said:


> She's on her way back apparently.
> Should be interesting.


Put her things in garbage bags and change the locks.

Why would you even consider letting her back into your home?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She clearly has no respect for you what-so-ever and could care less if she puts you at risk for STD's. What is wrong with you?

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?

It sounds like she used you for her visa.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

winder28 said:


> She's on her way back apparently.
> Should be interesting.


You are caught up in all the drama. What a waste of your time and energy.

Why not just contact her and tell her to not come home. You don't want her around you at all. If she still comes home then do not question her, don't talk to her. Why would you? To get lied to? To have a fight?

This has been going on for so long.. at first you were a victim. But now that you have put up with thing and played along with the drama for so long you are a participant.

We teach people how to treat us. You taught here that it's ok to mistreat you, lie to you, etc because you just put up with it.

Just put an end to this nonsense. From here on out treat her according to the 180 (see the link below). This is how you start to separate from her and stop letting her nonsense get to you.


On Monday contact an attorney, file for divorce ASAP.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get lawyered up, do not do anything that would be illegal where you live, get checked for STDs/HIV and if you can't eat get some protein drinks that they produce for people who are recovering from bad health, etc.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

winder28 said:


> She's from Azerbaijan.



my wife's grandparents are from there and moved in the early part of the 20th century to another Central Asian expansion country... To avoid the Commies. Well that did not work out very well for them 

What you're seeing is someone who did not have exposure to proper male / female role models and their responsibilities while growing up. Not necessarily culture related but nonetheless...

To summarize my suggestion...

View attachment 24922


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

did she get her green card? can you stop the process?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Winder my man, you said you've been an idiot. Are you going to keep being one over this chick. She may be hot but even if you're willing to share her, it doesn't seem to be doing you any good. Somebody else is driving this Ferrari while you're keeping it gassed up and maintained. Regardless of what you want or are willing to put up with, its just a matter of time before she ditches you. My advice Dawg is to take control of the situation and jettison this vampire.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Cut off all money and credit cards etc!!!!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

She has absolutely no respect for you or love for you. If you're willing and able, just cut if off now. She's not invested in you, and doesn't take you seriously. Let her go. It's the best thing to do.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

winder28 said:


> Thoughts..?


You ALLOW HER to cheat on you.

Thus you are disgusting to her.

Period.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

winder28 said:


> She's from Azerbaijan.
> She's from a wealthy family so I don't know if it was just about the money.


 Then send her back to Azerbaijan and call her dad and tell him to send her a ticket. I would also tell him to send you some for putting up with her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

All her weird acting out, and running off with friends, are her way of coming up with what she thinks are legit excuses, to get out, and do whatever it is she is doing------ITS A STRATEGY FROM THE CHEATERS PLAYBOOK

Go to bank, get all finances, put into an acct. with only your name on it----cancel her CC's----put her in a position, WHERE SHE CAN'T SPEND, AND CAN'T TRAVEL, give her no dinero at this point----then see where she is with everything

Right now she has a cushy lifestyle WHICH YOU ALLOW---take all of that away from her----SHOW HER WHAT REALITY IS LIKE-------also for now no PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH HER---also tell her she does her half of the work around the house---OR SHE CAN SEE A D ATTY

Time to stop being MR NICE GUY


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Must have been some talk.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

winder28 said:


> Heh.
> Thanks for the advice.
> We had a really amazing relationship at first. Kind of like the perfect couple. Maybe she's a good actress. I don't know.
> She's from Azerbaijan.
> ...


You should be horizontal towards divorce...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

winder28 said:


> I'm leaning towards divorce.


Take it from me this will get A LOT WORSE.. 

Please look into moving on.. 

I know this denial stuff is rough on the mind and psyche. I feel bad for you because I went through similar issues with denial.

It wasn't till she was out and I was dating again that I realized what a fool I was.

Is she a mail order bride of sorts ?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

winder28 said:


> If I try to talk, she doesn't want to hear it.
> Recent events - *She loves me but isn't in love with me, and wants me as a friend*. More recent - *Doesn't know what she wants, confused in her life, needs space.*


Give it to her. Tell her you're done.


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## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

winder28 said:


> Heh.
> Thanks for the advice.
> We had a really amazing relationship at first. Kind of like the perfect couple. Maybe she's a good actress. I don't know.
> She's from Azerbaijan.
> ...


There was a guy on MB several years ago who married a young gal from there (or one of the former Soviet states). She started an affair with a former boyfriend from there almost as soon as she got her green card. He had a daughter with her, and discovered the affair a couple years later. He divorced her after fighting for something that was never real 2 begin with, and is now married 2 a great gal and has full custody of his daughter.

Your si2ation is a lot simpler than that.

-ol' 2long


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

send her back.

get the divorce. do not let her come back.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have run into a few Azeris myself - they are particularly vicious and cold when needing a visa to the USA. And they prefer to marry their own normally - cultural and religious reasons (they are Muslims).

Of course she is hooking up with her ex - he trumps you on every front. Get rid of her and be glad that you are shot of her. And do not let the visa be granted.


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