# Video games



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Looking back over the years the problems
with my wife and I started when I would be on the computer playing video games on an old modem type computer 
I think women get tired of being alone and begin to see us as childish. I wonder how many relationships have been destroyed by video games. Start doing manly things!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I agree that the internet, video games and social media can have a chilling effect on relationships. However, things are merely new distractions that have come into the mix while old distractions are falling by the wayside. It just comes down to neglect.

Before video games and the internet, guys still neglected their wives but in different ways. Back in the day:


Guys were big into the Elk, Moose, Firemen's clubs, or other organizations that featured bars. They used to spend a lot more time there back in the day.
Fishing: How many times have we seen guys getting ready for fishing trips while the little lady stays behind at home?
Hunting - (see fishing)
Poker nights - usually a once/month thing but it was a popular thing for guys to do back in the day.
Golf: A big time waster that was more popular with men a generation ago IMHO. I know golf is still popular, but the TV shows/movies a generation ago commonly equated guys golfing with neglect.

And I'm sure there are plenty of other examples of what guys used to do a generation or 2 ago that are not nearly as popular today. Plus my list above is probably still pertinent for a few people today.


----------



## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

My marriage was destroyed in part by my exh addiction to video games, he would play 8+ hours almost every day. He would choose the escape of the games rather than spending time with myself or his son. I dont think its just video games but devoting (or having an addiction) a disproportionate amount of time to anything is a problem for the marriage.


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

unsure78 said:


> My marriage was destroyed in part by my exh addiction to video games, he would play 8+ hours almost every day. He would choose the escape of the games rather than spending time with myself or his son. I dont think its just video games but devoting (or having an addiction) a disproportionate amount of time to anything is a problem for the marriage.


 This happened to me too. I think it's a combination of being lonely, overworked by doing all of the housework/childcare by yourself and losing a general respect for a man who chooses video games over his wife and kids. It's all bad.


----------



## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

justonelife said:


> This happened to me too. I think it's a combination of being lonely, overworked by doing all of the housework/childcare by yourself and losing a general respect for a man who chooses video games over his wife and kids. It's all bad.


Yep exactly...


----------



## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

I think there are three separate issues here.

(1) Spending too much time on ANY hobby


(2) Choosing a hobby your wife is embarrassed about


(3) Not having any hobbies


----------



## geek down (May 10, 2012)

Thound said:


> Looking back over the years the problems
> with my wife and I started when I would be on the computer playing video games on an old modem type computer
> I think women get tired of being alone and begin to see us as childish. I wonder how many relationships have been destroyed by video games. Start doing manly things!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Was it the computer games or the fact that the problems were not talked out in a timely fashion before they became too big to handle?


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Long story:
Yes, it played a part in the destruction of mine. My sin: I played in excess, and was extremely good and noticed where I let my ego and pride blind me to the damage it was doing in my marriage. Her sin: She never tried to adopt or respect my take on gaming, instead defaulting to “little boys play video games, be a man” and that thing where if she doesn’t like it, it must be a waste of time and foolish for all.... And round and round we went.

I always thought it strange that she has told me when friends asked about me, she struggled finding things she was proud of me for. She ridiculed me to her co-workers where they tried to shame me when we were out. So, these male co-workers would harass me based on what she told them. I’d ask them what they did after work normally... got the usual “fantasy football, running, tv, playing with stocks, etc.”... Then I’d tell them my life: “Had a match yesterday and the webcast pulled in 30 thousand viewers, gaming magazine did an article and interviewed me, X-Fire had me do a marketing event, and next month the team is being flown to Tokyo for a lan event, last year when the team filed taxes they made $240k... You know, the “normal” for me having fun goofing off... Suddenly, they are asking me all sorts of questions about paid-to-play and how to break into it. I’m not a geek loser, I’ve got a dream hobby all these “boys” admire.... 

Also funny is one reason we were popular with the sponsors is we were all “men”. Average age was 27, young professionals, several ex-military... good looking bunch to break the loser in the basement stereotype. 

But still, my wife would tell me to “just grow up”. And as for manly hobbies, she killed each and every one over time; Home remodeling “when will you be done?”, furniture refinishing “I’m tired of the dust!”, racing cars “you are going to be gone all weekend again?”, wrenching cars “we can’t afford that!”, etc. Enter computer gaming; It can be done anytime regardless of weather, daylight, schedule, or finances.

She wore me down... I dropped off the main team, then eventually “retired” to casual gaming. Still wasn’t enough, she still blames the computer for everything wrong in her life. And the irony; All three kids are older now and getting hard into gaming. She is the only one in the family who doesn’t “get it”. So, I’m bonding, they are begging me to play with them, and her interactions beyond just joking around are regulated to parenting alone with the boys (homework, clothes, etc.) They don’t look to her for fun activities..... Their friends come over and oogle and ah at our computer builds asking advice and how to do it themselves. Even non-gaming stuff like bike rides, swimming, and general goofing off is I’m the parent they go to. It bothers her at times, but I'm not really sure she understands why. 

But she still doesn’t get it. What she likes doesn’t mean everyone who does other things is “wrong”. I have no idea why she feels she needs to tell them what they should or shouldn’t like to do. Because she doesn’t like it, and her friends concur, it is a waste of time... 

I’ve just learned to reign in myself (and tell the kids no, not tonight). I’ve learned to spend quality time with my wife and value that time. She learned that 'goofing off' has value as well, and the list of chores never really ends; You have to take time to have fun. So... we finally reached a balance (other than the computer is still seen as the devil by her)...


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Anyone on here play Madden 13 or GT5?

bring it!!


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

little girls can play too


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

general rule of thumb......if it interferes with family life it's an issue. I play some, maybe a few hours a week....but in MY time....

when everything else is taken care of. (well mostly)


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

A crowbar could not have pried the television remote from my husband's hand. A fire alarm could not have taken his attention from the tv screen. So many times I asked him to turn off the volume so I could talk to him and he would act annoyed. Our son began asking, at a young age, for him to play video games with him and his response was always "Maybe later". Our son is now 21......later never happened. My husband felt divorce was easier than dealing with real life. 

I watch the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler and I cry.


----------



## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I think video games can be FUN! Like bowling or boxing on wii!Then again so can riding bikes and going to feed the ducks..I guess its balance ...


----------



## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Our son began asking, at a young age, for him to play video games with him and his response was always "Maybe later". Our son is now 21.....





What you said made me think of Harry Chapin and the Cats and the cradle...


Harry Chapin - Cat's in the Cradle - YouTube


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Zanne said:


> There is a stigma associated with the gaming industry. But, Racer, you have to admit that it's rare for the average person to make it as a professional gamer, or a professional skateboarder, or any other gen x industry.


Yes, I agree... there really is a stigma. 

A professional gamer is rare. That’s the allure. And hehe.... that IS the image we sold. Everyone needs their heroes and seeing the ‘average joe’ make a touchdown. The corporations wanted to hold us up and say “if only you had this videocard (or mouse or ____), you too can be the best of the best”. And we were the poster boys of young professionals with a large disposable income telling you... don’t be embarrassed, you aren’t a pimply faced kid and it’s ok to admit this is fun.

Now, the creation of a local hero? A regular occurrence with every raid, every round, and in every game played. You don’t have to be rich, in shape, trained since birth, learn something complex, to feel others noticed you and thought you played awesome. Someone, somewhere noticed your score, vowed to get even, and you suddenly find you have some ego and pride in being better than “that guy”. Instant hero, even if it is just fleeting. Feels great when your kids have been whining, your job sucks, and you are generally feeling you are nothing more than a worker bee in a massive hive. Online, you were a top ten player, saved your raid from a wipe, conquered the invaders.... It’s a nice alternate reality. 

That’s how some get sucked in. It becomes more real, more important, and gets tied to closely to whom they identify themselves as. That was my sin; My own pride and ego tied up in a game. Without it, I felt like just another guy..... Everyone wants to feel special and like they matter to others. Instant hero.


----------



## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Whether it's video games, porn, Facebook, TV or some other escape where you sit on your ass staring into a screen doesn't matter much.

For my H, he attention *****s on Facebook all day. It's simply a way for men (or women, I suppose) to sabotage their relationship in a passive way. It is impossible, imo, to respect someone who does this.

All I can say is that I hope none are 'surprised' when that spouse GTFO.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I've been surprised by the number of gaming systems that have been bought by young adults. I'm not that old (38), but I guess I just missed the video game renaissance that occurred in the late 90s into the 00s. When I was around 12 - 16, Nintendo, Sega and Sony systems were thought of as kids play things only. I never recalled hearing about guys in their 20s buying these systems to play "Legend of Zelda". By the time these systems took off, I was so far into my studies at school (Majored in Engineering) that I had very little time to even think about getting into gaming. To this day, we do not have a gaming system in our home, and I have 3 kids. 

That's not to say that I never played video games. I have purchased some computer games and have occasionally lost myself in them. I've been a sucker for games like "Civilizations" and "Age of Empires". But I guess since I'm an older Gen X'er, I never felt the strong pull for gaming after I turned 18. Even now, I sparingly play computer games. The most hardcore game I play right now is Angry Birds on the Ipad. Yes, I'm behind the times, but IDC.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My husband's gaming time has been an issue from early on in our marriage. It is something that I've had to bring up periodically. It's gets better for a while, (years sometimes), then reverts back. It hasn't destroyed our marriage, I would say we have a good marriage but I think at times it really has effected things, like our sex life for one example. It's just that every once in a while I have to reign him in. Once I point out that it's becoming a problem, he agrees and pulls back.

Just last summer I had to put my foot down when he was obsessed with a game on his phone. It was Battlefield on the PC and a game on his phone. He was either in his man-cave or when he was with us his phone was attached to his hand. It was getting so bad that I was getting suspicious and insecure. When I approached him about it, he totally agreed and deleted the game right then and there.

Last weekend we were talking about his gaming again and I asked him, "Do know why I said no to sex so much during the first years of our marriage? I was working 12 hour days, I would come home and you would be gone working out until 10pm, you would come home eat dinner then go directly to your computer. We would have maybe 30 minutes of time together while you ate or sometimes I would already be in bed. Later you would come to bed and try to wake me up for sex. Really?" When I was telling him no to sex at 2am, I don't think I was connecting the dots at the time, I was feeling unattractive to him and not attracted to him. Now looking back I can see it was resentment on my part. These days I've pretty much let it go because he still comes to bed at 1am or 2am and wakes me up but now I say yes.


----------



## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i was so busy throwing grenades down tunnels in Battlefield that i didnt notice my wife was actually texting OM in the same room.
it was MY escape. it ws MY time off from being the provider and the fixer and the mediator. it was the time where NAGA got to have fun, and not be sad or stressed out, or worried about things.
but that didnt matter, because she saw it as neglecting her, becasue she was a needy selfish little girl.
and guess what.
i just got all my sh!t set up in my new office, and im about to start chucking grenades down tunnels.


----------



## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Skyrim


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I use videogames as bonding time w my son.We play all kinds of games together.Showing interest in his gaming hobby actually makes it easier for me to get him to do other things with me like the time I wanted to go rollerskating old school style or the time I wanted to go iceskating,horseback riding,hiking,blow bubbles outside,draw on the sidewalk with chalk,bowling,and a bunch of other stuff he'd never normally do. 

People have said it's about balance and I agree.Most things in life are very simply all about balance.


----------



## vahlaria (Jan 31, 2013)

Thound said:


> Looking back over the years the problems
> with my wife and I started when I would be on the computer playing video games on an old modem type computer
> I think women get tired of being alone and begin to see us as childish. I wonder how many relationships have been destroyed by video games. Start doing manly things!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I disagree. I find it weird when women view it as childish when there are things those women do that are as childish.

My husband and I met playing an online video game.

No one, neither men nor women have the righ to judge what our hobbies are.

If he/she doesn't like it, he/she has the god given right to not marry him/her.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

vahlaria said:


> I disagree. I find it weird when women view it as childish when there are things those women do that are as childish.
> 
> My husband and I met playing an online video game.
> 
> ...


I don't think the OP is about playing the video games, it's about people who allow themselves to become so consumed by the game that they neglect love ones as a result of their obsession.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I don't think the OP is about playing the video games, it's about people who allow themselves to become so consumed by the game that they neglect love ones as a result of their obsession.[/QUO
> Yes plan 9 that is exactly my point
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

