# What is my wife communicating in the bedroom?



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

Hello Ladies,

My wife and I have been married for 24 years with a 22, 18 and 16 year old and we have a very strong marriage. We are both in love have the same goals for our marriage. We are both considered to be attractive and have a very healthy sex life. Now, to the point...Within the last year we have experimented in the bedroom like never before. Including the buying and use of many different sex toys which we have enjoyed tremendously. 

However, one toy that is not sold as a sex toy is used 95% of the time is a Wahl 7 in 1 massager which rivals the Hitachi Wonder Wand (see for yourself). Trying to get to the point....Well, the point is when she is using it, she likes for me to massage her perineum which is commonly called the "taint area." This started about a year ago and neither of us new how intense this area of her body was. Well, in massaging this area she was moaning and exhaling with much pleasure while using the massager as well. 

Well, honeslty during our first times using it really turned me own as well and my hands started wandering in this area in which I went a little lower than she felt comfortable with. It was like she was okay with it as long as she was caught up in the ectasy of it all. Please note that we had one anal sex experience in which I acted like a cave man and did not know the property technique and preparation and it did not go well for either of us about 15 years ago and we basically checked it off the list and neither of us have mentioned, desired or even talked about it since. 

Well, these recent exhibitions have my wheels turning and wanting to experiment with this some more and I let her know how enjoyable it can be when going about it the right way for couples that are love, respect and are patient with one another. I care much about her feelings and am not into domination or pain and she is not either of course. Just like most of society, she sees it as an exit, dirty and taboo to even try to venture there again. 

Well, when we are in the bedroom during our foreplay with the massager my fingers are everywhere with her permission. When I say everywhere, I mean on the "taint area" and around her anus, but hardly ever on the anus by design of course. However, I have touched it before by accident (seriously). Well, during our foreplay time it is almost like we are in a tug of war between her beliefs of the anus being taboo, nasty, etc. and wonderful pleasure between a loving couple. One minute she is saying "don't stop" or "keep doing that" and other times she will say "too low" or "don't touch my butthole" even when she was receiving pleasure there during that very same session just moments before. And before you say it, yes we have discussed this outside of the bedroom. I have even sent her many links to help educate her in the pleasures of this area. I did apply a lot of pressure to pursue anal play/sex about six months ago and she shot it down everytime which left me frustrated, however I respected her wishes and backed-off. However, it seems that her body says YES and she says NO! This has been going on for over a year now. What should I do? Say? Thanks ahead for your thoughts and guidance. :scratchhead:


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It's always easier to ask forgiveness than permission.


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

A lot of women dont want the anus touched. My fear is cross contamination of feces to the vagina leading to infection. 

Respect her boundaries, stop trying to force it. She IS telling you what she wants and doesnt want, but it seems you are ignoring it...... That doesnt seem fair.....


----------



## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

YOUR butthole also has nerve endings, and a great big orgasm-button inside too. But I'm sure you'd have something to say about it if she put anything in there, even though it has the 'potential' to feel physically good. It's not 'wrong' to have a disparity between your body and mind in this area.


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

Wow Twofaces. As I have said, I am respecting her boundaries and would never cross contaminate and she knows that we are both very clean and conscious of this. 

As far as ignoring her, I don't think so. I have honestly gotten over not ever having anal sex again. Of course I would like to pursue it, but I am in a good place with it. I want her to want it, before I show a desire to go there again; she will have to desire it beforehand. 

It is just that I am receiving mixed signals and I would like a woman's perspective in this matter. 

As far as asking for forgiveness instead of permission; I don't think so. I tried that a year ago and that did not go so well. Again, I love and respect my wife and I want her to want it as well.


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

Jane_Doe said:


> YOUR butthole also has nerve endings, and a great big orgasm-button inside too. But I'm sure you'd have something to say about it if she put anything in there, even though it has the 'potential' to feel physically good. It's not 'wrong' to have a disparity between your body and mind in this area.


I missed that. "YOUR" butthole meant MY butthole. Well, I have never desired that, but, if she made that contingency, I would give it a try. 

About the disparity between your body and mind...please elaborate on this. Maybe this is something I am misunderstanding.


----------



## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Iwant2know said:


> Wow Twofaces. As I have said, I am respecting her boundaries and would never cross contaminate and she knows that we are both very clean and conscious of this.
> 
> As far as ignoring her, I don't think so. I have honestly gotten over not ever having anal sex again. Of course I would like to pursue it, but I am in a good place with it. I want her to want it, before I show a desire to go there again; she will have to desire it beforehand.
> 
> ...



Whether you know it/admit it or not you are pursuing it each and every time you mention it/hint at it/slip up and almost go there, etc., etc. If you enjoy what you're sharing in the bedroom now, and don't want that to change then STOP bringing it up! It sounds like she doesn't have a problem telling you what she wants. With that, If/when she wants to experiment there, I'm sure you'll be the first to know. 

Your previous experience in that area may have scared her away from it.... I say this as my ex constantly wanted this - he'd nag, beg, belittle, you name the manipulation technique, he probably tried it.... so I gave in....huge mistake. He had no idea what he was doing and didn't care; even to the point I was crying out in pain; he kept going till he finished. 

Needless to say my current H knows about the experience, that it's not an option with me, and never brings it up. He says God made it as an exit route; not an entrance. 

Let it go!!!


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

Well, call me hard headed, selfish (as I know some will), but I have listened and paid attention
to what she has been expressing with her body language and since my
first post, I assured her that my intentions were pleasure and not just
anal intercourse when she reminded me to "stay up high." I think it was 
almost a relief of pressure (in her mind) that caused her to relax and enjoy
our newly found festivities. In the last few weeks, it seems that she directs
me to her new pleasure spot without even knowing it. I am always very 
gentle and never try to insert my finger(s). I want her to want it if we ever try again.
However, I am very content with where we are right now. In a years time, we
have moved from the massager, then to the massager and vibrator with my
fingers exploring lower and lower. Again, this has been a slow progression
but we have both benefitted from it. I get much enjoyment from her pleasure.
Again, the last few times I have applied direct contact with anus which has resulted
in increased intense orgasms.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NewThingsGetOld (Jan 11, 2013)

Iwant2know said:


> It is just that I am receiving mixed signals and I would like a woman's perspective in this matter.



No you're not. The only signal you need to pay heed to is THE FACT THAT SHE SAYS *NO*. Forget the F!%$ing body language for a g-d second and listen to* her actual words*. If you don't stop pushing her boundaries, she will stop trusting you. If she ends up wanting you to go further she will tell you.

If I was married to someone who kept doing something after I verbally said no, I would feel very violated.

Signed, a woman.


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

Okay, so some time has passed and we have continued our use of manual stimulation with toys and my hands. With virtually no verbal communication over the last few months in reference to anal play/sex, WE have continued our "foreplay." It seems through her movements, positioning and noises of pleasure, she has communicated that she really enjoys anal stimulation/play. However, I do know this does not mean that I take it upon my self to insert anything in her anus. She will have to verbally request this in order for this to happen. This progression has not happened because of a selfish minded husband, but instead, to a new patience and taking it slow on my end. On her end, I can tell that she trusts me now with anal play and enjoys this act. Again, this progression has take around 15 months. I will admit, that in the beginning I was impatient and selfish minded, but I have regrouped and respect her boundaries. These new practices in a long term relationship have added fuel to this burning flame that has stood the test of time.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Twofaces said:


> A lot of women dont want the anus touched. My fear is cross contamination of feces to the vagina leading to infection.


So very true. This infection can be so severe where you can end up hospitalized for days.


----------



## Iwant2know (Dec 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Just because there is an orfice, does not mean you have to stick something into it.


----------

