# Online divorce or DIY? Good? Bad?



## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

My H and I agree to everything and I have looked over questionnaires. Does anyone have experience with diy divorces? I was specifically looking at 3stepdivorce


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

We did it ourselves with only a mediator. I did talk to an atty to get some basic guidance, but he never got involved beyond that. My ex-W used the internet for research. Honestly, the internet provides adequate data if you are selective in what you believe and if your situation is pretty average. You can DIY using a mediator to come to agreement.

The caution I would offer is to be sure you are getting what you deserve out of all this. I don't remember the details from your other thread, as I can't keep all the stories straight from all the different threads. Some people may get steam-rolled in mediation or DIY. Also, fair may not be the same as the standard courtroom outcome. You should seek fairness first, then find a way to make it work within the legal maze.

There are some traps, such as whether something is amendable or not in the future. My preference is not to be amendable, but your circumstances may be that you want things to be amendable. For example, if there is a reasonable chance his income will go up a lot, you may want alimony to be an open topic into the future. He of course would want alimony to be a closed topic. Another trap is when you DIY there is no court discovery. Here we didn't have to file forms with the court with our full financial disclosure. We were supposed to give disclosures to each other. If she had a secret account somewhere with lots of money in it, I would not know about it. When you use lawyers, your lawyer will require her to provide a sworn affadavit that her disclosure is complete, and your lawyer will likely run some kind of full check on it. You can run a credit check on each other and find out if there are any secret bank accounts. I don't think investment accounts show up. Idk about real estate owned without a mortgage if that would show up.

Getting the paperwork exactly correct was my biggest concern. I hired an atty to do the quit-claim deed on the house so that it was locked down tightly and filed properly. I didn't want any questions in the future about it, or any liability tail attached to me.

Even if you are in total agreement with your stbxh, you may want to pay a lawyer to review the documents to be sure they meet the legal standards where you live.

The state court provided forms here were quite comprehensive. As far as filing the divorce, her name change back to her maiden name, division of assets in the decree it was all quite easy using the state online forms.

Be sure to get all the miscellaneous things taken care of. Change beneficiaries on everything like life insurance, bank accounts, retirement accounts, health savings accounts. Update your will, power of atty, medical directives, medical power of atty, etc.

Get all property deeded over to just one of you. Cars and house should not remain in two names after the divorce except for a very short time while refinancing.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I got the annulment package from our local courthouse and modified it as necessary. Twenty year marriage, two young teenage kids, two business, a home, lots of assets...... around $275 in fees and less than three months and everything was done. Our county did require you to appear before a judge but the judges main focus was the kids were provided for and that we both agreed on the stipulations I had wrote up in the annulment.

Each of us had talked with an attorney just for a consult, which cost us nothing, and I did a lot of research on line. It was a very easy process as long as both of you agree to the terms, and the terms need to be fair and reasonable.

I did two things that worked in my favor. One is I wrote an amendment under spousal support that as soon as she cohabited with ANY adult all support stopped. The second was that she had to list our children as beneficiaries of all the retirement money I had to give her, no way did I want to see any of that money end up going to some guy! 

At the very least I would encourage you to try to get thru the process without attorneys, you can save a lot of money.


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## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

Cooper said:


> I got the annulment package from our local courthouse and modified it as necessary. Twenty year marriage, two young teenage kids, two business, a home, lots of assets...... around $275 in fees and less than three months and everything was done. Our county did require you to appear before a judge but the judges main focus was the kids were provided for and that we both agreed on the stipulations I had wrote up in the annulment.
> 
> Each of us had talked with an attorney just for a consult, which cost us nothing, and I did a lot of research on line. It was a very easy process as long as both of you agree to the terms, and the terms need to be fair and reasonable.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice. I am mostly worried about getting something in the divorce that states I get all future equity in the home since we have little to no equity now and I am paying it. I have to keep it in both our names. My H agreed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I did my own divorce a few years ago using the forms available on my state's court self-help website.

If your situation is clear cut and you both agree then it's a reasonable thing to do.

There are some good books that cover divorce in each state. I've seen them for sale on Amazon.com.

Are you absolutely sure that you are getting an equitable settlement?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thestarsarefalling said:


> Thanks for the advice. I am mostly worried about getting something in the divorce that states I get all future equity in the home since we have little to no equity now and I am paying it. I have to keep it in both our names. My H agreed.


You might want to consult with an attorney on how to word this in a way that protects you. You can pay an attorney a fee for some short period like half an hour to an hour to write up those words for you.

Is your soon to be ex (stbx) staying on the mortgage as well? Is that why he needs to be on the deed?


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## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Thestarsarefalling said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks for the advice. I am mostly worried about getting something in the divorce that states I get all future equity in the home since we have little to no equity now and I am paying it. I have to keep it in both our names. My H agreed.
> ...


I did see a court program online to prepare documents. I will check it out. 

Stbx will stay on the loan and deed for now. It is a VA loan so he has to stay on it or I can't afford the payments. When I can afford to refi I will but we just bought the home last year so there is little to no equity now. Not sure we could even sell it and break even right now. I told H this would make it difficult for him to buy another house for possible 5-10 years and he said that was fine. H is in La La land excited for the freedom of apartment living. He can't imagine wanting a house. Don't know if he will stay in la la land or not. Thought I should get it all in writing and divorce. He wants people to think well of him and I am sure he will tell people how he is doing right by me. He hasn't said this in so many words but I get the impression he wants me to keep my mouth shut about OW and I will try since I am getting everything I have asked for. It would have been better if he could have done right by me in marriage but I will take it in a divorce. 

In return my h keeps his pension and 401k plus all our debt. Seems pretty fair to me. No alimony or child support since we both work and will equally care for kid. I might make more than H but he says he won't take child support from me. 

I am concerned about me personally writing in amendment about equity. That makes me want to see a lawyer about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thestarsarefalling said:


> I did see a court program online to prepare documents. I will check it out.
> 
> Stbx will stay on the loan and deed for now. It is a VA loan so he has to stay on it or I can't afford the payments. When I can afford to refi I will but we just bought the home last year so there is little to no equity now. Not sure we could even sell it and break even right now. I told H this would make it difficult for him to buy another house for possible 5-10 years and he said that was fine. H is in La La land excited for the freedom of apartment living. He can't imagine wanting a house. Don't know if he will stay in la la land or not. Thought I should get it all in writing and divorce. He wants people to think well of him and I am sure he will tell people how he is doing right by me. He hasn't said this in so many words but I get the impression he wants me to keep my mouth shut about OW and I will try since I am getting everything I have asked for. It would have been better if he could have done right by me in marriage but I will take it in a divorce.
> 
> ...


Yea, seeing a lawyer about the home, the equity, names on deed and how all of it will be handled is a very good idea.

For example, what happens if you cannot make the payment. He’s on the loan and the mortgage company will go after him for the mortgage. You might think right now that this will never happen, but life has a way of throwing curve balls sometimes.

He might be able to force the sale of the house as long as he’s on the mortgage and deed. Even if you do get all the equity. 

A good talk with a lawyer is a good idea.

You also might want to talk to an attorney about child support. A lot of states, if not all, do not allow parents to choose no child support. The support belongs to your children, not the parents. So check on that too… how to word it to if you have to be careful about that.

You can hire an attorney just for the bits that you want their advice on.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

The only problem I had with the online documents was the custody section - it laid out the standard custody for my state, which was not acceptable to me. So the online documents didn't work for me. Your state's docs might be different. I consulted an attorney and had him draw up the final decree. I'm glad I did as there were several details that I did not have just right. Using an attorney in this fashion is much less expensive than full representation. I got the whole thing done for about $1500 - I'm in Texas. 

And yes - get this over with as quick as possible while your STBX is still in la la land.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

DIY here..... $184.75. This was in TN and in 2012.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

We used Mediator and wasted so much money by her not talking to me offline, we could have sorted so many aspect before we walked in the room and had him draft it up, oh well better than 2 lawyers fighting it out.


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## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

If it's helpful to anyone in the future, my plan is to use the forms online from our state's website(free). I am sending it over to my attorney to review and tell me what I need to add or change. ($500) Including filing fees I am hoping for around $800 total.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sounds great. There will probably be a filing fee too. 

Here in my state the filing fee was $135.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> DIY here..... $184.75. This was in TN and in 2012.


Does that include the cost of replacing the window?


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I will parrot what others have said.... get a lawyer for the equity of the home. A good friend of mine is having fits right now because she and her husband had a DIY divorce and now it's looking like she may never see any money for the home they owned together. She was in a hurry to be divorced, was living five hours away and put her signature on final decree that is now coming back to haunt her. 

I am currently going through a DIY divorce myself, but my situation with my home is completely different and I have known that she would not be able to claim any value of my home when my mother and I spoke to our family's property attorney four days after she left me. (6 months ago) 

Protect yourself. 


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