# I’ve been Divorced for a year now from former Spouse of 26 years



## LindaFox

I though it would get easier as time has went on, when in fact it has gotten tougher. I have tried to move forward to the dating thing...I just think it’s not my style. We share 2/2year puppies together-we have 2 daughters and 3 grandsons together. It seems crazy how we broke off everything we had together only to have more together in a sense. It kills me how we live our separate lives, however I know there is still so much lose ends. I woii up led love to become friends again, but what I really want is to be back together. Even after all the hurt there is still so much I want to share with our lives again.
Lost and Lonely


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## Evinrude58

So what is the barrier to that? Cheating involved? Who wanted the divorce?


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## SunCMars

LindaFox said:


> I though it would get easier as time has went on, when in fact it has gotten tougher. I have tried to move forward to the dating thing...I just think it’s not my style. We share 2/2year puppies together-we have 2 daughters and 3 grandsons together. It seems crazy how we broke off everything we had together only to have more together in a sense. It kills me how we live our separate lives, however I know there is still so much lose ends. I woii up led love to become friends again, but what I really want is to be back together. Even after all the hurt there is still so much I want to share with our lives again.
> Lost and Lonely


You do, he does not...

This, I suspect, is because he is happy living a drama-free life.

Drama requires an actor and an audience.

Oftentimes, these entities switch places!

The male fox is hiding in his den, that man-cave.


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## sokillme

LindaFox said:


> I though it would get easier as time has went on, when in fact it has gotten tougher. I have tried to move forward to the dating thing...I just think it’s not my style. We share 2/2year puppies together-we have 2 daughters and 3 grandsons together. It seems crazy how we broke off everything we had together only to have more together in a sense. It kills me how we live our separate lives, however I know there is still so much lose ends. I woii up led love to become friends again, but what I really want is to be back together. Even after all the hurt there is still so much I want to share with our lives again.
> Lost and Lonely


Why did you divorce, whose idea was it?


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## Diana7

It sounds as if you havent yet been able to cut those emotional ties. If you still see him or have any contact may I suggest that you stop all of that so it will be easier for you to heal and move on. Dont worry about dating, its early days and you clearly arent over him yet.


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## LindaFox

Evinrude58 said:


> So what is the barrier to that? Cheating involved? Who wanted the divorce?


I filed-he hid Monies, on the drugs, and yes cheated however I did some of the cheating part 2.
I really thought it’s time to end it before we killed each other, but now things have changed we have grandchildren and we know longer live together


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## LindaFox

That’s what I’ve tried to tell myself- he’s moved on. However if he does or has...there is no clue of it showing. Both our girls say he is not involved with anyone else, and I see for how lonely he is too. 


SunCMars said:


> You do, he does not...
> 
> This, I suspect, is because he is happy living a drama-free life.
> 
> Drama requires an actor and an audience.
> 
> Oftentimes, these entities switch places!
> 
> The male fox is hiding in his den, that man-cave.


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## LindaFox

Diana7 said:


> It sounds as if you havent yet been able to cut those emotional ties. If you still see him or have any contact may I suggest that you stop all of that so it will be easier for you to heal and move on. Dont worry about dating, its early days and you clearly arent over him yet.


Yes, we have several ties that we can’t avoid. I think he’s good to see me as much as I am to see him, maybe it the comfort of hearing his voice or knowing he’s around me me feel good. I’m not expecting a Miracle. But it does feel good to get along again since we had so much hurt that we shared after 26 years and marriage and just because half of each other totally was a blow. I agree about the dating however I’m 51 and it doesn’t get any easier as we get older to date so I’ve tried to double a little with that I just realize it’s not for me. What I’m saying is I figured since were both lonely and at least they have company would be nice with each other not necessarily looking to get back together, but if it happens it happens


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## Diana7

LindaFox said:


> Yes, we have several ties that we can’t avoid. I think he’s good to see me as much as I am to see him, maybe it the comfort of hearing his voice or knowing he’s around me me feel good. I’m not expecting a Miracle. But it does feel good to get along again since we had so much hurt that we shared after 26 years and marriage and just because half of each other totally was a blow. I agree about the dating however I’m 51 and it doesn’t get any easier as we get older to date so I’ve tried to double a little with that I just realize it’s not for me. What I’m saying is I figured since were both lonely and at least they have company would be nice with each other not necessarily looking to get back together, but if it happens it happens


The thing is that while you believe the way you do neither of you will ever be able to move on. So you either ask him if he wants to get back together or you move on. If he says no then you must accept it.

You say you have ties, we are in our second marriage and have children/granchildren, neither of us has needed to see or have any contact with our formers spouses for 16 years. The only time we may have to meet his ex again would be if his younger son ever gets married which doesnt seem likely. The best thing for you both would be to cut off all contact. You are not married, you are both single, you have no reason to see him again and it will enable you to move on.
As for dating we were age 49 and 50 when we met/married, but I waited 4 years before I dated again after my marriage broke up.


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## LindaFox

I could not agree with you more when quesioning him about getting back together...he is a hard person to read, but I will say after this last year+, it feels like I've gotten to know more of him I did not know towards the last 5yrs of our 26 year marraige. I will say this...with respect to your situation-it sounds like you do not have kids together with your second-and in my situation I have only our kids/grandboys together(and frankly do not want any step children to share if I can avoid this; that would be the ideal case for me.) It may sould selfish however this is the beauty of dating(you can pick and choose what you want for your future. even though one never knows what holds in our cards. I'm better off straying away for the man that has children if and when I decided to date.
I was married more than half my life to this man, so all I can think of is~ You can't make yourself unlove. He still loves for me, I don't forsee how either of us will ever move on. I am not holding on to the thought of getting back together, but I do know this: It's not a far cry by any means for a divorced couple of all the years we have were together to get back together, I've heard many story of this. I'm not in denial to the fact that we are divorced, I totally get that.
I came to this forum, to get more of different peoples divorce scenarios to try to sort through my own situation...
yes that my be letting go 100%---but for now I am unable to move on. Too many lose ends before any moving on will happen. It's a very hurtful and tough place to be.



Diana7 said:


> The thing is that while you believe the way you do neither of you will ever be able to move on. So you either ask him if he wants to get back together or you move on. If he says no then you must accept it.
> 
> You say you have ties, we are in our second marriage and have children/granchildren, neither of us has needed to see or have any contact with our formers spouses for 16 years. The only time we may have to meet his ex again would be if his younger son ever gets married which doesnt seem likely. The best thing for you both would be to cut off all contact. You are not married, you are both single, you have no reason to see him again and it will enable you to move on.
> As for dating we were age 49 and 50 when we met/married, but I waited 4 years before I dated again after my marriage broke up.


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## Evinrude58

Drugs, affairs, hiding money....... and you want to go back to that? Add that you were both cheating?
Now that you’re not married, neither of you are chasing tail? 

the logic escapes me. Why, if both of you wanted to cheat in the marriage, are neither of you seeing anyone???????????


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## Diana7

LindaFox said:


> I could not agree with you more when quesioning him about getting back together...he is a hard person to read, but I will say after this last year+, it feels like I've gotten to know more of him I did not know towards the last 5yrs of our 26 year marraige. I will say this...with respect to your situation-it sounds like you do not have kids together with your second-and in my situation I have only our kids/grandboys together(and frankly do not want any step children to share if I can avoid this; that would be the ideal case for me.) It may sould selfish however this is the beauty of dating(you can pick and choose what you want for your future. even though one never knows what holds in our cards. I'm better off straying away for the man that has children if and when I decided to date.
> I was married more than half my life to this man, so all I can think of is~ You can't make yourself unlove. He still loves for me, I don't forsee how either of us will ever move on. I am not holding on to the thought of getting back together, but I do know this: It's not a far cry by any means for a divorced couple of all the years we have were together to get back together, I've heard many story of this. I'm not in denial to the fact that we are divorced, I totally get that.
> I came to this forum, to get more of different peoples divorce scenarios to try to sort through my own situation...
> yes that my be letting go 100%---but for now I am unable to move on. Too many lose ends before any moving on will happen. It's a very hurtful and tough place to be.


We were both married for a long time as well, 23 and 25 years, and we both share children and grandchildren with our exes, that doesn't mean we need to have any contact with them. Unless you cut that contact neither of you will be able to heal and move on. You say you are unable to move on, thats not true, you choose not to. Milliions do and thats despite many still initially loving their exes. What are the loose ends? Why do they stop you moving on?


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