# My Story...



## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

I met my husband when I was 22, and he was 25 (June 2006). At this point, I was on my own, had a 5 year old son from a previous relationship, had a college degree, and a good job. He was 25, still living at home.

He was a good guy. Respectful, funny, charming. He was wonderful with my son. We went on trips together, spent all of our extra time together, I have never in my life been more in love with a man. My son also grew very attached to him (bio dad not in the picture at all). We were engaged February 2007, and moved in together shortly after (set a date for September 13th, 2008). One day, my son called him dad, and my husband was beaming with happiness. We had a long talk, and he told my son that he could call him dad. 

Everything was great for a long time. We were happy. My son loved him, and we were a perfect little family. In December 2007, I found out I was pregnant. This was not good news. We were going to get married in 9 1/2 months. This wedding was a huge deal to his family. We had people that had already booked their tickets from all over the US, England, & Australia. Canceling or postponing the wedding wasn't an option. I said we could make it work, but he insisted on me getting an abortion. He made it seem like that is the only option there was. I was so weak that I went along with it, even though I DIDN'T want to. I didn't want to be a single mother to 2 kids, been there and done that with my son. So, the day we had the abortion scheduled, we drove to Minneapolis, ran through the crowd of protesters, and headed up to this crappy looking clinic. 
They called me back, did blood work, and then an ultrasound to find out how far along I was. I remember laying there while she was doing the ultra sound, and thinking "I know they have the monitor turned away for a reason, but I want to see my baby". I was 6w5d's. At that moment, I told her to get out so I could get dressed. I went out in the waiting room where he was waiting and said we needed to leave. At this point, he thought it was already taken care of. When we got to the car, I broke down. He thought I was just sad because of the abortion, but I was MAD. I was so mad that I had come THAT CLOSE to doing something that I didn't want to. Something against everything I believe. So I told him that I was still pregnant. 
Things have never been the same after that. 

To be continued....


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

The next nine months were rough. Being pregnant and planning a wedding...not fun. He was always angry with me. I was worried about the nursery and he was worried about the wedding. See, most women dream about a big wedding. I was not one of those women. I would have been happy with a small ceremony. 
Fast forward to July 2008. I had my son July 23rd, 2008 (he just turned 5 yesterday  ). Happiest day of our lives. My husband instantly fell in love with him. I was so happy that he finally realized that I had stopped a HUGE mistake. 
We were married 6 weeks later. Wedding was great. 
Soon after the wedding, I noticed that my husband was gaining a lot of weight. It didn't bother me, but it made me aware. Then, he stopped showering regularly. Now I was concerned. He wouldn't talk to me though. We never had sex. I was the wife/maid/cook...and he brought in the paychecks. 
I finally went back to work in March 2009. He hated that. I love my kids, but I am not the "stay at home" type. 
He started to spend money we didn't have (we both had nice salaries too). THEN...I was at the gas station, and I was trying to run my card to get gas, and my card got declined. This SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. So I grabbed my phone, looked up our account, and we had a $0 balance in our checking account and a $0 balance in our savings. The first line on "transactions" was IRS. 
Apparently, my husband didn't feel the need to file his taxes for 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, & 2008. The IRS put a levy on our account, and took EVERYTHING. This was also just weeks before our sons first birthday. 

TBC....


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

I had to borrow money from my dad. It was very embarrassing to ask him. I am a grown woman, I should have to run to daddy. I found out shortly after that my husband owed close to $18,000 to the IRS. We had to start all over. Not that we were loaded or anything, but we had over $5k in savings, and just over $1k in our checking account. It got so bad, that we ended up having to move in with his parents. To make this part as painless as possible...my MIL is a beast. My husband is still attached to her t!t, so things weren't ok. My husband started gaining more weight, to the point that it was very concerning. He is 6'2'', and weighed 300lbs. He never did anything with the kids. It was always me, or his mom (which really pissed me off). It came to the point that I couldn't take living there anymore. I said, we get a small apartment, or I am leaving him. Well, I left him. I moved in with my sister, and that was that. He wanted me back, but I was not willing to move back into his parents. Things got worse, and we started fighting a lot. 
In October 2010, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. They didn't find it until it had already spread, so we knew that it was pretty serious. I am a nurse, so I would stay with my mom on the nights I didn't have the kids to help my dad. There were a few times that I needed to leave my kids with my husband because my dad was in bad shape. This made my husband angry. He was mad that the kids could never come to my parents house. Ummmm....my dad is on chemo and radiation...he doesn't need kids running around screaming, spreading germs everywhere. 
Things with my dad got worse, and he got sicker. On August 15th, 2010, my dad lost his battle with cancer. It was very hard for me to handle this. My mom was a wreck, and I didn't have anyone, but my husband. So, I told him that I wanted him back. We moved into an apartment 3 weeks later. 
At this point, things still weren't ok with us, but I was trying. He gained more weight. Started to go 3 or more weeks without showering. So I eventually started sleeping on the couch. On Thanksgiving 2010, him and I left the boys with my MIL so we could do some shopping. We ran home to change out of our nice clothes, and one thing lead to another...and we FINALLLLLLY had sex. This is the first time we have had sex in SO long. It was awesome. 

TBC


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

He was doing things to me that I never thought he even knew about. See, my husband doesn't share the same "kinks" as I do. He is very vanilla in bed. So, I was totally blown away. Unfortunately, that was a one time deal. It didn't happen again. 
On December 30th, I was in the shower. I was washing myself, and noticed that my breasts were very sore. I instantly knew. When my husband got home from work, I was putting my shoes on to run to the pharmacy. When I got home, I took the test, and it of course was positive. The (((((ONE))))) time we had sex in God only knows how long, I get pregnant. 
Things got really bad. I had terrible morning sickness, and him I decided that I would just quit my job, and stay home with the kids. He finally finished paying off the IRS, so we were comfortable money wise again. 
In February 2011, him and I got into a fight. Honestly, to this day, I cant even remember what the fight was about, but it got bad. I ended up grabbing both boys, and walking out with the clothes on our back. He was throwing dishes, screaming, and I was scared. I was halfway down the hall when I noticed he was following me. He tried to take our 2 year old out of my hands, and I fought him. I told him very calmly "If you dont get your hands off me or our son, I will scream". So he let us go. I turned to get into the elevator, and he pushed me. Here I am, 8-10 weeks pregnant, holding his child, and he pushed me. I smacked my head on the wall...but I was fine. 
I went to my sisters house, and stayed there. 
He said sorry, and that he would change, and that it would never happen again. Blah Blah Blah. I went back home. I am pregnant, have 2 kids, and no job...I didn't have much of a choice. 
My husband started to get mean towards my son (his step son). The only time he would talk to him, was to yell/scream at him. He was just a jerk to him. My son looked up to him, as a dad, and here he is, being mean and nasty. 
In June, 2011 I went into preterm labor. It was scary. I didn't know what to think or expect. I spent that evening by myself in the hospital. They were able to stop the labor, but I was put on bedrest. 
Bedrest was a joke. If I didn't cook, clean, or bath our children...they wouldn't have survived. I wen't into pre-term labor 2 times after that, and they were able to stop it both times. 
On August 15th, 2011 I gave birth to my son (3 weeks early, but also on the anniversary of my dads death) via emergency c-section. He was 9lbs, 9oz. BIG boy! I went into labor that morning, drove myself to the hospital. Stayed there alone until problems started, and that when they told me I was having a c-section. My husband didn't show up until they were wheeling me into surgery. 
My son had some problems breathing, and his blood sugar dropped dangerously low shortly after birth. So he went from the operation room, right to the NICU. 
I spent night and day with the baby for the first week. I couldn't breastfeed him because of his delicate state, so I was pumping. Once I was released from the hospital, I spent every waking moment running. Home, NICU, pump, NICU, home, pump, store, NICU. I was exhausted. No one could tell me what was wrong with my baby. My older boys missed me. If I was at the NICU, I felt guilty for leaving them. If I was home, I felt guilty for leaving the baby. My husband went to the NICU 3 times to see the baby in the whole 6 weeks he was there. 
I couldn't believe how a man could leave his wife to take care of everything. Not see his son. Not take care of the kids at home. I was disgusted. 

TBC


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

My husband is now well over 350lbs. I always need to fight him to get him to shower. We never have sex. He never does anything with the kids. He never leaves other than to work. He started trying to control me, and not allowing me to go out either. 
We never recovered from the IRS thing. He is so mean to my son. All he does now is smokes pot, eats, playing on his phone, goes on his computer, works, and sleeps. 
I am not sure why, but what broke the camels back was I came home to him screaming at my son. I instantly tried to calm the situation and find out whats going on. My son is 12 now, and is such a good boy. He never talks back. He is respectful. He is also terrified of my husband now. So, I ask what happened and he said "Go ahead and tell your mom about the stunt you pulled today". Blah blah blah...what happened was...my son helped himself to a mint over at my mother in laws house. He didn't ask first. WTH! Seriously???????? 
That was it. I lost it. I told him to back off, and I packed my son up and took him to stay with my mom for a couple weeks (he needed a vacation from my husband). Well, 2 weeks turned into 3. I couldn't pick him up (my mom now lives 4 hours away) because of work. 

TBC...


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

The whole time my son was at my moms, my husband didn't call him once. It just went to shown how little he cared. 
I finally had enough. Everything just piled on, and I finally realized that the only reason I stayed this long was because I still loved him. Well, that's gone now. There is no love left. I love the man he used to be, but I cant stand the person he is today. 

So, its only been a short amount of time, but he is making it so easy for me to stick with my decision. I moved his office to the guest bedroom upstairs, and I moved myself down to his old office. We split bills now, and only talk when we need to. 
I have an attorney, and will be proceeding with the divorce as soon as I can spare the money. For now...I'm stuck.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Well...all I can say is you're doing the right thing. Seems like this relationship should have ended long ago but sometimes we don't see it until it gets really bad.


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## Always_Ready (Jul 23, 2013)

Yes, things should have ended a long time ago. There are so many details that I even left out that I am sure will resurface once we really get into this process. 
Its hard to help someone that doesn't want to be helped though. 

The thing that bothers me the most...

Break my heart. I am a big girl, and will get over it. But he is totally washing his hands of my son. This is a 12 year old boy that has done nothing wrong. My husband is the only dad he has known, and has looked up to him and loved him. What kind of a man would do that?


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

A scum bag not worth the title of man or dad. Good that your son has a wonderful mom that loves him.


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