# I don't know what game she's playing



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

Well, it's another week and I am preparing to talk with my attorney in order to prep for this divorce and contest it. I am contesting the child custody, as she wants sole physical and legal custody. And she's been trying to pretty much bully me into giving it up to her.

I will not.

But last night, out of the blue, my STBXW sent me a half dozen pictures of my kids. She keeps violating her own protective order and for the life of me, I don't understand what her game is. Last time she texted me, she told me I had no relationship with the kids and that contesting the divorce would hurt them financially and emotionally. She's literally asking me to not respond to the divorce papers.

This marriage is over - I am well aware of that. But I don't understand why she keeps sending me pictures of the kids if she wants me to essentially give up my parental rights. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the pictures. I miss my kids everyday that I don't get to see or hear from them. I just don't know if she's toying with me.


----------



## 36Separated (Aug 5, 2012)

It sounds like anothe wife trying to mess with you. Does she hate you?


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

It's hard to tell anymore.

She wants me to sign the papers - I'd have been fine with that and given her the divorce, had she not requested sole custody of the kids. She knows that being a father in my kids' lives is important to me. And she swears up and down that she wants me to be a part of their lives.


----------



## 36Separated (Aug 5, 2012)

Does sole custody been you wont get see them?


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

She requested sole custody with supervised visitation. So, if she gets her way, won't be able to see my kids without both hers and the courts approval.

I think.

I haven't really studied that much on it because I don't intend to give up my parental rights. Personally, I can't understand how fighting to keep the kids in my life is hurting them emotionally.

I think this divorce would be amicable, but it's intent on staying ugly, it seems.


----------



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Talk to an attorney. Once I lawyered up my STBXW backed way the hell off.

She doesn't have any respect for you. She's teasing you. She's saying she's got you right where she wants you by sending you pictures, and also to hurt you. I'd lawyer up fast if I were you. Fighting to keep them in your life won't hurt them emotionally. What WILL hurt them is having an absent father, to be replaced by someone else by your ex down the road. I say screw that. Fight for your kids NOW, that way you will be the only true father in their lives no matter what man your ex brings around down the road.

Mine plays games, but now it's only when I have to see her (once every two weeks when she picks up our daughter, the other times we pick her up/drop her off at day care). She has to gussy up as much as possible. Like yesterday...she was wearing a dress that you could almost wear out to a formal dinner...just to pick up our daughter from my house. She was totally spiffed out. I was in a white tshirt and swimming trunks.  I almost laughed in her face. She always does that whenever she comes around...dresses as nicely as possible. She's the one who wanted to separate, had an affair, and initiated the divorce. Now that I'm moving it along, moving on, got a girlfriend, etc, she does things like this. It's all a game. That's all they do. I just laugh and ignore it. That's the last card she can play now, and it's used and worn. Tiredly predictable. 

They can only control you if you give them consent to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

Thanks. I had a feeling that she might be playing games, but I really didn't understand why. Maybe she is trying to hurt me as much as possible.

My attorney is supposed to be calling anytime within the next 15 minutes, so we'll see how that ends up going.


----------



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

They simultaneously want to push us away and yet keep us close. In other words, we're Plan B.

I don't accept that. We should have been Plan A from the very beginning. Just ignore her and go through your attorney. She'll either come around or she won't. Although it my STBXW were to come around now it would make no difference. Adultery is a dealbreaker. Buh-bye! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why does she think you need supervised visits? Considering a fair "split" is 50/50 custody, does she give you any rationization?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

The rationale she's using is that I'm unstable for mental issues that occurred between October and December of last year...issues that I have fixed and continue to work on to this day. That's about all that I can really gather.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Always always always fight for the right to be in your children's lives. If you do not do everything in your power to keep your rights as a father which is exactly the same rights the mother has then you will regret it more and more as time passes.

Get a lawyer if you can possibly afford it and if you can't then figure out someway to. As a parent this should not be even the table. You fight for your right as a parent........


----------



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Agreed. You need to set some boundaries and your children is the best place to start. Always fight for your rights. It's tough and painful, but oh so worth it in the end. Show her that you will not roll over on this. And when you don't, and stand toe to toe and fight, it'll make her wonder what else you'll fight for. It'll make her second guess her actions, and hopefully she'll think twice before doing something that she knows is wrong...at least where your boundaries are concerned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

It is so hard to fight because I need to somehow come up with $2k very soon...that's my initial fee for my attorney. She expects the divorce battle to go anywhere between $5k and $7500. I estimate that I have about a week to somehow get this money...so I think I'm going to start looking up how to represent myself.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

deval85 said:


> It is so hard to fight because I need to somehow come up with $2k very soon...that's my initial fee for my attorney. She expects the divorce battle to go anywhere between $5k and $7500. I estimate that I have about a week to somehow get this money...so I think I'm going to start looking up how to represent myself.


"so hard to fight"? For your children? Wow. A cheap lawyer is better than no lawyer especially if she has one. And $7500 barely buys a decent car. Can't you drive junk and make "I love my kids" payments instead of "car" payments. I don't know, if money is so tight that you can't pay a small loan then maybe you've put yourself in a vulnerable position by not being able to provide. Apparently she's coming up with $7500 if needed and it will make a difference. If you have no lawyer then you'll likely lose a lot more than that.

I don't know man. I think that would be a huge mistake that you will regret if you don't find some way to fight. Good luck.


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

Never said I wasn't going to fight. I'll go into court and represent myself if it comes down to that. It's not that money is tight, it's that I'm catching hell trying to find a job. Literally every job I've interviewed for since I left the military, something occurred to where I was unable to work. Whether it was being forced to move out of the area, or a better candidate miraculously showed up before training had even begun, or just a plain old scam that cost me money...

It's not that I put myself in a vulnerable position. It's more like I can't climb out of this hole.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Well good luck to you Deval85. I hope you are able to get a fair shake on this. Oh and I have tons or respect for any veteran.


----------



## deval85 (Jul 26, 2012)

I hope so, too.

Thanks.


----------

