# Manning up Journey.



## miserableinlove_35 (May 21, 2011)

It's been about 3-4 days since I joined this and started reading up on everything. The first night was after a fight with my spouse about of all things the sex. The next day night we had been civil but after another long talk about he did, she did, she said "I have no reason to be with you" and then moved herself into her daughters empty room. That night I was up all night reading posts. I guess you could say that started,not my manning up journey, but at least my awakening. Somehow it has made it easier coping with the sex issues knowing that I really was turning her off, even if she always said it was other things. So far in this I have quit the gushing over her, and the pushing for anything from her.  She has actually reached out to me a couple times, but as of right now she's still sleeping in a different room. I have questions about some things over the last few days, so I hope people dont mind if I post a lot of things in the near future, hopefully less as things get better.
Funny thing is when she had first talked about leaving I was very gung-ho about the manning up process, but now that she's at least talking about a future with me, aka next week, I find myself sliding back towards doing nothing. So like I said the only actions taken so far have been to rein back my reaching out to her, and gushing over her, also looking for **** tests and trying to keep my cool and respond accordingly (problem is it's really hard to tell if I came out ahead on those). I'm looking for a job but also waiting on her to decide if she wants to move across the state. I have done a couple of things around the house simply for myself, I've also I believe worked on not doing things to get sex, but to get them done. But I need some references on books to look for that can help me. Oh and the thermostat thread was a real eye opener. Thanks for letting me rant. I have hope for OUR future


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

If you are out of work and there's a big move on the table, her biggest concerns are her daughter and security, friends, family, etc. If you don't seem to be listening to her about those things, if you don't seem to be doing all you can do to get a job, if you don't seem to be doing more around the house since you are now around the house more, then she's not feeling the love from you. You finally do approach her and what do you want ---- sex. Now she thinks you really don't get it. She has to do something to get your attention. If sex is all you care about that's the only way to get your attention. 

Focus on her. At first she will think you are pretending to focus on her just to get sex. She may be correct in that assumption. No, that won't work either. Keep focusing on her to until she sees that you actually do care. At some point you shouldn't need to argue about sex. I wish you well...


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

As you go on your man's journey, bare in mind that "manning up" is not a means to which sex is an end. Manning up is the process of becoming a better man for your own sake. You will become a better husband and father in the process, but it doesn't guarantee more sex, nor should that be the point.

I consider myself already pretty "manned up" (I really hate that phrase BTW). My wife respects me, looks to me for leadership, I'm not a doormat, yadda yadda yadda. Yet still very little sex. I then had an epiphany (or as most women would put it, a blinding flash of the obvious): _I realized that to get the sex I want from my wife, it is my responsibility to actively pursue and seduce her._ What we experienced was a dramatic increase in both frequency and quality of sex.

And you know what's great? I have made all of his transparent to my wife. I've told her that I'm intentionally being sexier and more seductive and bluntly that it was about getting more sex. She loves it. We talked at length about it yesterday, and she commented that she hasn't felt so loved, so desired, and so close to me since before we got married.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

Dear Dave,

Would you PLEEEEEZ talk to my husband? 

*sigh* that sounds so awesome...


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