# To Travel Or Not



## MILProblems (Sep 11, 2019)

Husband and I are still doing counseling, when he is home. No idea of if he thinks it is helping. When he is traveling, I've been seeing the counselor on my own. 

Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, but am I wrong to go?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Yes.



MILProblems said:


> I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, *but am I wrong to go?*


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

MILProblems said:


> am I wrong to go?


Does it break your agreement with your partner?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

So then, you not afraid of him moving out while your away? 

And why would you consider this with everything going on in your life with him. If you want out file for divorce and don't drag him along.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

MILProblems said:


> Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm


Wondering about your friend, are you going to be his birthday present? Because this is where it will end up with hopes by him or yourself.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

MILProblems said:


> Husband and I are still doing counseling, when he is home. No idea of if he thinks it is helping. When he is traveling, I've been seeing the counselor on my own.
> 
> Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, but am I wrong to go?


The fact that you'd consider it, is a boundary already crossed.
I'd be gone if I were him....just saying.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

How are you cozy enough with this male friend to even be considered a traveling companion?

Seems like boundaries have already been crossed.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Cooper said:


> How are you cozy enough with this male friend to even be considered a traveling companion?
> 
> Seems like boundaries have already been crossed.


Her husband needs a consult with Rich Cooper.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

You've answered your own question.

If you and your husband consider yourself still "together", monogamous, and faithful to each other, you've already crossed that boundary with this guy. So I hope he knows that.

If you aren't "together", monogamous, and faithful to each other, then you're free to date other people as you like. Which is where you are at. So I hope he knows that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yes of course its wrong how could you think otherwise? You are a married woman who is supposedly trying to mend her marriage. What has made this man think you are available anyway?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

What were your wedding vows? Have you asked your husband if he minds if you go on a birthday trip with this guy?

You know that the guy doesn't respect your marriage and is hoping for more with you, don't you?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

MILProblems said:


> Husband and I are still doing counseling, when he is home. No idea of if he thinks it is helping. When he is traveling, I've been seeing the counselor on my own.
> 
> Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, but am I wrong to go?


Yes, you are wrong to go. If you go, you are crossing the boundary of the vows you made to your husband. You promised to "Love, honor, and cherish him until death parted you" and to "forsake all others and cling only to him."

Keep your promises and be a woman of honor.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

if you are even hinting as saving your marriage this is the wrong way to do it. Yes it is absolutely wrong of you to go...and then say "but we are just friends"...because that is how things start.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> Yes, you are wrong to go. If you go, you are crossing the boundary of the vows you made to your husband. You promised to "Love, honor, and cherish him until death parted you" and to "forsake all others and cling only to him."
> 
> Keep your promises and be a woman of honor.


I agree, but strangely came up with the opposite view: she's already bailed so hard on her marriage and started her next relationship already that she might as well go. She should just clue in her husband as to the fact that she's already stepped out.

You don't just get random invitations to go away with some guy often. There must have been a ton of stuff leading up to this.

I mean, shouldn't you tell your husband that you have a boyfriend before you're in marriage counselling with the husband while simultaneously planning a trip away with the boyfriend?

She's insinuating that he's the one that won't commit to boot. This is wild.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MILProblems said:


> Husband and I are still doing counseling, when he is home. No idea of if he thinks it is helping. When he is traveling, I've been seeing the counselor on my own.
> 
> Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, but am I wrong to go?


In your previous thread you said that you were taking a trip out of town to see a friend but you thought that your husband would move out while you were gone. This was around July. 
Did you take the trip and is this the same friend?
You also said earlier in the thread that you felt that you weren’t worth any effort and no other man would want to be with you.
This is a sign that your self esteem is in the gutter. Do not try to give yourself an ego boost by traveling with this “divorced male friend”. You know exactly what his (and possibly your) intentions are and if you cheat on your husband you will have lost the moral high ground and if your “friend” doesn’t reciprocate any feelings that you develop for him then you will end up feeling worse than ever. 
I’m not casting aspersions on your friend but you’re in a vulnerable place at the moment and you will probably welcome any signs of being attractive to another man. This is because of the emotional battering you’ve taken from your husband and mil.Do not make things worse by slipping into an affair. 
Mind yourself. Nobody else will.


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## MILProblems (Sep 11, 2019)

Same friend that I visited in July. We met for drinks, nothing happened (no kissing, no flirting, nothing). If it was a female friend, I would go without question. Costs would be split 50/50, separate hotel rooms.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

MILProblems said:


> Same friend that I visited in July. We met for drinks, nothing happened (no kissing, no flirting, nothing). If it was a female friend, I would go without question. Costs would be split 50/50, separate hotel rooms.


But it's not a female friend now is it. That's why you are questioning it; because deep down in your heart you know that it is wrong. So just don't do it.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

MILProblems said:


> *Same friend that I visited in July. We met for drinks, nothing happened (no kissing, no flirting, nothing)*. If it was a female friend, I would go without question. Costs would be split 50/50, separate hotel rooms.


You need to reevaluate your commitment....WOW.
I wouldn't believe you at all.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

MILProblems said:


> Same friend that I visited in July. We met for drinks, nothing happened (no kissing, no flirting, nothing). If it was a female friend, I would go without question. Costs would be split 50/50, separate hotel rooms.


No, its NOT ok.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MILProblems said:


> Husband and I are still doing counseling, when he is home. No idea of if he thinks it is helping. When he is traveling, I've been seeing the counselor on my own.
> 
> Recently, a divorced male friend invited me to travel with him to celebrate his birthday. I want to go, but I feel like if I go, I'm crossing some sort of boundary. Yes, I will talk this through with the counselor today, but am I wrong to go?


Question:- If you are thinking of helping a divorced male friend to celebrate his birthday by travelling with him, why are you wasting the time of the counsellor? And the time of your husband, too, for that matter.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MILProblems said:


> Same friend that I visited in July. We met for drinks, nothing happened (no kissing, no flirting, nothing). If it was a female friend, I would go without question. Costs would be split 50/50, separate hotel rooms.


Really?

Is the only thing flagging a problem here for you the gender?

Have you fully and completely had the “this is a platonic relationship” conversation with him?

If he attempted to kiss you, what would have happened? Were you open to it?

Is your husband aware? Because this honestly looks like you’re dating here, and therefore checked out of your marriage. So why bother with the counselling?


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