# Cohabitation making this harder than it needs to be



## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

My stbxh told me 3 weeks ago the following:
- he no longer loves me, he hasn't for 5 years and he never will again
- mc is not an option
- he can never be sexually attracted to me again
- he is only still here because of our (1 year old ) daughter

So, this was a surprise to me. We have been in a tough patch for a while, but I assumed it was because we are new parents and children are under dome considerable financial stress. I should also mention that we hage been together for almost 25 years (only married for just over a year) and we are both in our early 40s.
I do take the lion's share if the blame for tge demise of our R, when we were young, I was obsessively jealous and controlling. As we got older, I feel like my behavior greatly improved, but in his eyes, I was always that jealous, controlling young girl. He said he feels like my rmployee, like I'm his mother, and that I will never see him as an equal ( I have always made mire money than him, but I maintain that this feeling of inequity is his perception, not my real feelings).
So here we are. I am crushed and feeling regretful but also starting to feel a lityle resentful that he lied to me for so many years. We are currently firced to continue living together to keep a stable schedule for our daughter and because if financial constraints. 
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. As I mentioned, my resentment and anger is building and I feel like it would be better if he just moved out, he has the option to temporarily go stay with a family member. 
Any advice on how to successfully co-habitate?
Argh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlie_brown (Nov 15, 2013)

Hi Jforthegirl,
I am in a similar situation only my wife and I have been together for about five years and we also have a 1year daughter and three sons from previous relationships. 

We ad also been going through a few rough patches that all seem to be because of things I am not willing to change, but at the moment we age going through a odd separation, where she comes home during the day and sleeps somewhere else at night. Where she goes? I don't know. She says she is staying with friends because it is awkard for her to sleep in the same bed as me. 

My advice is to move. The only reason I am still "Living" with her is that we won't have the money to move until tax time, but if I could move sooner I would. She asked for a divorce because she just wasn't happy and could not hold it together anymore. 

But seriously GO! You have the upper hand in that you make more money. If you own your home the offer to buy him out or something, but you need to move on with your life. 

He stepped and said he does not love you, so find someone who will, or in my case just find someone to pass the time with. There is nothing that says you need to be in a serious relationship to be happy. 

I am the same age as you and I look forward to dating, "Hooking up" and meeting new people. 

I know this hurts, believe me I do, but you'll get past this.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Sorry your here. Try this and read more on the boards here.
The Healing Heart: The 180


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