# So here I thought ....



## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

that things were going well between husband and I. A few road bumps but overall much better. Till last night when now I am being accused! 

I was flipping through pictures on my computer when something registered like whoah! so I flip back a couple of pics and there is a pic of a penis. I half laughing and half wth ask what is this. There are a few people that use my computer ... me and my teen kids (son and daughter). A few months ago my friend from out of state stayed here for a month and she did also use computer to look up jobs, resumes, etc. Cant really imagine her looking at porn though. I have looked at porn WITH my husband in the privacy of our bedroom but I certainly do not save pics of porn. Not something we do a lot of but we do from time to time ... spark, adventure, and it just doesn't bother me so long as we do it together. I get the whole visual "thing". 

Anyways he starts saying (wasn't really angry, just seemed sad) and says that someone must have sent that to me in mail or text which my initial thought is "So says the ahole that had an EA for 7 months" and signed up on match.com (which I found out about a few weeks after finding out about EA after someone suggested it to me on this forum)... He signed up, half made a profile but there was never any contact or exchanges and I verified that. I in turn said oh he wants to date ... and switched his profile to seeking men ... then deleted his profile after a few days after I got over my anger. Immature I know but I was angry and hurt.

But back to the penis pic I do not know how it got on my computer ... I asked my teen daughter and son this morning to make sure no one had sent any inappropriate pics to them. They said no, why? Did not tell them just said making sure. (I will verify later by asking them to log into their social networks) 

He of course is upset, kinda don't blame him because if shoe on other foot I would have drop kicked the computer out the door. However I am not the one who lied for 7 months. So really not sure how he figures not to trust me? I am not into 'revenge' anything because I believe in my marriage vows, love my husband and have no interest in hurting him the way he did me. If I wanted to look at penis I would say lets go watch a video AND sorry but I wouldn't consider talking to a guy who thought sending a penis in an email or text was appropriate, just not really my thing. 

So this morning he left upset and says "Try not looking at d*cks" on his way out, again he seemed more sad than mad. We are supposed to go on a trip tomorrow (was supposed to be good thing) but I really don't want to go. As I told him if he really believed I was being shady why the h*ll would he want a trip and I do not feel like going now because I think his accusations are just a way to take the spotlight off of his past actions. Also kinda feel like maybe he is just being a little passive aggressive and trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. I say this because since his EA I look at everything, his phone, FB, emails, etc. I snoop openly and will continue to do so until I feel comfortable. 

He has texted me since arriving at work stating "Guess he should pay more attention to what's going on in his house" and he will be watching. Part of me wants to laugh so I don't become angry and say things I can't take back but most of me is upset because this is not a setback we need. I do not know how to convince him otherwise and feel like I'm spending way too much time trying too. Just wondering could this just be him trying to manipulate the current situation a little or what can I do to ease his mind? I know just from the hell he has caused me what a horrible feeling it is to doubt and so no matter how ignorant I think this is, I really don't wish him to have to carry that around on his shoulders like I do everyday. I am concerned about his lack of trust for me and I feel like all of our hard efforts is now kaput. I did text him back this morning and said to him A. He could have faith and trust and we go forward or B. If he can't trust me and he really believes I would do that then shouldn't consider a trip, we should consider a separation. I told him this because I have firmly stated and will follow thru that anything suspicious from him and I am ending our marriage. I do not believe in 'multiple' mistakes. We learn from mistakes, anything additional is a choice.

Any advice would be much appreciated.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Take a look at what folder it is in and what the last use/ modified date is. You might be able to figure out where and when it csme from.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

It was in windows .... just under random pics. It was saved as a JPG. I thought to try and see if I could link it back to a website or advertisement, but just looked like a copied pic. Said dck.jpg. Tried looking that extension up too on google and explorer but nothing. 

Thank you for reply because I would like to ease his mind.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the pic should have a date on it. right click it and choose properties


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

btw- could it be your husbands penis that he planned to send?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Aldo check the size of the picture, websites tend to use small pictures, say less Tyne 800x600 since it is faster to send small files, where as pics taken by people tend to be large. Also you might even be able to see what camera and location it was taken at.

Did you delete iii? It might still be in the trash can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

The date is from June of this year ... I found out in May about everything. Definitely not his penis. This pic was horrible ... really did look like a surgically altered one, had scar around it. To me it looked fake or photo shopped. The background was some filthy place. Husband's EA was at work on his bosses computer, never corresponded with her here at home. Verified this and also he rarely uses computer at home. If he does, even then, he was sitting next to me on couch. It's a laptop.


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

Thanks because never thought about that. Says dimensions 600 x 402, size 183 kb. I had deleted it but recovered it so I could see if an ad or website attached.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it's possible it was taken as a joke or curiosity by one of the kids, do you have a keylogger installed? Monitoring not only your husband but your kids is a good idea.


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

I don't have a keylogger installed but after all of this I think you are right and that would be a good idea to monitor kids, verify and ease his mind as well. Thank you! and I guess maybe after he has time to think today, we can get back on track. Kinda disappointing though.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Was he with you when you found that pic? Then he must have assumed that it must have been sent to you(That explains the sadness). Most likely it must be the your friend. Her bf/husband might have sent it to her. You never know. (Or the kids esp the girl)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

SIP said:


> Thanks because never thought about that. Says dimensions 600 x 402, size 183 kb. I had deleted it but recovered it so I could see if an ad or website attached.


That sounds like it came from a website originally, it's about the right size.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

SIP said:


> I don't have a keylogger installed but after all of this I think you are right and that would be a good idea to monitor kids, verify and ease his mind as well. Thank you! and I guess maybe after he has time to think today, we can get back on track. Kinda disappointing though.



It's funny I had one installed post dday to monitor my wife, now I use it for the kids since they are using the computer now


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I would take your kids aside and ask them about it (let them know that they are not in trouble unless they lie about it), it would be a good way to bring up as to what's appropriate on the internet and such


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

He was sitting next to me watching tv ... wasn't paying attention till I showed him and asked what this was (I knew what it was but why on my computer). I dint think it would be my friend because she is lesbian, not married, not involved so didn't think like she would look at that. What I suspect is kids are on mbuzzy and FB and I am wondering if someone sent inappropriate pic to my daughter, whether it be girls being dumb or a guy. Because I have in the past had them log in and made them delete 'friends' that were way too old to be a teenagers friend and even made them delete myspace accts and told them in future rest of social sites would be deleted. Have checked since then and they seemed to be following that rule. 

I am not sure how to ease his mind, because he already can log into any account I have and see what I am doing. Keylogger is good idea though.

His last few texts to me moments ago are

Him: Concerned contact with someone who decided to send.

Me:No I have had no contact with anyone like that

Him:So we have gay computer that chooses to download d*cks. I guess I can let it go at that, not blaming you but sometimes when you look at pic in email it saves to computer 

Me: It really was not me and am sad this is an issue

Him: You are off the hook but I will start paying closer attention, ok?

Me: Ok that's fair and I do not mind at all

Him:And sometimes knowing you are looked at keeps people honest, more honest. Constant accusations and distrust just annoy them and piss them off

Me: I don't want you to worry I am doing anything behind your back, you can look, is fair. I have been honest and I have not done anything to compromise my relationship with you. It is not worth losing you. 

Him: Just firgured to check back with you, already been fixing crane brakes. Last day then bday weekend and if I am quiet don't take it wrong. Doesn't mean anything bad, business as usual

Me: ok

Him: Doesn't mean we have to "talk" about it  Good it is all cleared up. I will text as I get a chance. Want to get along. Love you and will chat later. Kiss. Hug

Me: Love you too

Ok so I think maybe he is trying to give me taste of my own medicine???? This seems ridiculous, petty and pitiful.


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

I did ask them this morning but didn't provide details. I do think I am going to purchase a keylogger today and install it. This seems like an awful lot of chaos for what I know is a whole lot of nothing on my part. 

Kids accts will be checked today but really it could be from when I had them dlete friends before and accts. Its been months and months and I do not go into all my pictures on a regular basis because I literally have thousands, most in folders and some just in windows where this one was. 

So I think I am going to invest in keylogger. And Thank you for all the quick replies because it has been a bad morning.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Go to TinEye Reverse Image Search 
It'll check the pics out in the internet and you may see where it came from.


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