# Learned something new in counseling today



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Ive been struggling with my body image since I found out in early December that my husband had an affair while we were seperated. 

The area I've been struggling with and never liked is my breasts. 

Ive wanted him to say that even though they are not perfect for him that he still likes them. Today in counseling he said the kids ruined them and that they are saggy. I also asked him if he would pay attention to them more after a breast augmentation. His response was " a kid with a new toy!!"

So I guess the answer was yes he would pay way more attention to them after I get a breast enlargement. 

I've always wanted to have a breast enlargement and before our seperation he even was wanting me to make a consultation appt for surgery during a period of time. He never before would come out and be so open about what he thought. I guess that's what he thought the whole time, but the difference now is that I know he's been with someone with much nicer larger breasts than mine. That's what hurts. He was not willing to say he liked my breasts the way they are now, even when printed by the counselor. 

So now when my husband jokes about who is going to pay for them. I'm gonna say your gonna pay for your new toys. 

I guess since now that I know he wants them almost as bad as I do, I should not worry about when I will get them. I do hope I don't have to wait years for then though. We have talked about using a tax return to pay for most or all of it. This tax return is shot since we have to use it on needed things only and next tax return the government will take everything but earned income credit and kids tax credit
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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

The A had nothing to do with your breasts. Your poor view of yourself is because of what he did to you. 

Go slow on this one. Getting a boob job for what? A POS

If it is something you wanted then wait. Now is not the time to do this.

This is just my thoughts.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I would let him pay the bill, and then find a new guy who will appreciate you and your new assets.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i dont care if they are a's or dd's or flapjacks, if they are on the one i love, they are perfect.
your h is an azzhole. 
he is a sad reason to get something like that done for.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why do you allow him to emotionally abuse you? You had his children and he has to nerve to say that? Wow. What a nice guy.

You are trying to say this is YOUR choice. You're trying to talk yourself into it. I can see that. Your husband is a douche. You think he cheated on you because of your breasts? No. he cheated on you because he's a jerk. And he'll cheat again and blame something else...like stretchmarks or whathaveyou.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I did want this before his affair. I agree that it's not something that makes me happy that he says this. 

My Husband is a very very unusual man. I'm not trying to make any excuses for him, but he says truthed jokingly. I never understood him before our seperation. 

The counselor asked if he loved me just the way I am because I live him the way he is. He said hell yah I love her with all my heart. 

My Husband is very self conscious about his body way way more than he was before our seperation. No matter what I say it seems to not make him feel better. He has a little bit of a gut and he's not built like he wants to be. He's never been like a model when I met him. He is a construction pipe fitter and he does have muscles and it's enough for me. 

Before our seperation he did encourage me to Make a consultation appt for boobs. I guess he must have kept it a secret what bigger boobs really meant to him. I thought it was just me who wanted them. I guess he had a fantasy that he kept secret just like I kept secret my sexual fantasys from him. 

It is true the kids did ruin them. I was a tight A size before with smaller nipples. Now I'm a stretched A size with much larger nipples. During pregnancy and breast feeding they stretched to a C to D size. So now I want to increase thier size to a solid C.

My husband was in no way trying to make me feel bad. I do wish he could tell me he is attracted to my boobs the way they are, but obviously he can't for some reason. 

Maybe he sees them now as more for the kids than as a sexual object. 
My wanting the boobs is because I want to have more of a variety of tops and dresses to wear. I also see my boobs as purely sexual now that we are done having kids.
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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Iwant2bhappy said:


> This is a sad post...
> 
> I would be devastated if my husband said that to me.


Sorry but I thought to myself what an @sshole this guy is.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's still a jerk. Maybe you should comment on his penis size. Something he has no control over...just as you have no control over your breasts. 

Not someone I could be intimate with...love me, then treat me right. He isn't treating you right. I don't care how "unusual" he is. he's still mean.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

blueskies,

I'm not going to say what you should do. All I'm going to say is whatever you do DO IT FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU.

Do not even entertain the idea if even a part of you is doing it for him. If you keep compromising yourself for others one day you will look at yourself and you won't know who you are.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

but hes not 'unusual'.
he is like any other cheater trying to make the cheated upon feel bad about themselves.
i will say it again...
AZZHOLE!


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## amiselfish (Mar 15, 2012)

If you do this, you have to understand it will not change a failing marriage. Your looks have nothing to do with his tendencies. If that's all that mattered to him, why did you marry him?

If you do this, do it for yourself, not for him. I would hate to see you devastated after you go through surgery for him, and he cheats again. From the sounds of it, the money can be spent elsewhere anyway.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

That girl: I don't know why he cheated. All I can speculate is that if I had not cheated first he would have not cheated at all. I asked him to leave our house after his violent outburst. I didn't know at the time that he knew about the cheating that he found on my phone a few nights before his blow up. 

We were seperated for almost a month before he cheated. 

I don't think I'll ever get true answers from him, but I feel he cheated just to try to get over me. After he moved out he emailed me constantly. There was only a few weeks where he stopped emailing do much....during the time he met her. 

Is it just a coinsidense that she has almost every feature that I do and even from the same region of US as I am? 

I guess I'm trying to get my identity after his affair and after mine. 

I did want breast enlargement before our seperation and affairs. Now it's just that I want them even worse because I imagine him enjoying hers or that now he is comparing hers to mine. Or maybe she has enlargement and he likes it even more now. 

I have 3 children and so does she, but from what husband told me she didn't have her kids much and she wanted to go party all the time.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Stop comparing yourself to her. You are a mother and a wife and a woman. She sounds like a spoiled child.

I was not aware that you cheated first. Did that man complain about your breasts? Probably not.

All I'm saying is that your husband is trying to hurt you. and it's working. I just hate to see you so low. I don't know the state of your breasts, but I bet they are just fine.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

This post angers me. How dare any man do this to another human being? Your husband is just a complete and utter jerk. Of course you think he's 'unusual' - you are totally under his spell.

Obviously you aren't going to listen to any of us though.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I know if I get the enlargement it will not change a failing marriage. We are going to marriage counseling which I think is helping. 

There is still much improvement to be done though. 

If I have the boobs done it will be for me.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> If I have the boobs done it will be for me.


Then why are you discussing it in marriage counseling? Why are you excited to do it when your husband says it would be like having a new toy? Why do you admit you don't like your boobs because of the things your husband has said?

I'm not buying it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Then why are you discussing it in marriage counseling? Why are you excited to do it when your husband says it would be like having a new toy? Why do you admit you don't like your boobs because of the things your husband has said?
> 
> I'm not buying it.


agree

if you do decide to get them, i would wait til way after things in the marriage improve.
let him prove he wants to be with you the way you are and loves you the way you are.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I guess this post has become about what I really feel and what I'm really struggling with. 

That girl: you are right, I need to stop comparing myself to her. I feel that I'm slowly healing. I do feel more confident than I did when I first found out about her. She purposely drive the knife farther in by messaging me and saying much lies. I'm now trying to see her as a very very ugly person. I'm trying to turn things around that she might be the one comparing herself to me. She thought he was going to marry her. He never told any of his family about her. He never introduced the kids to her that I know of. My kids are all special needs, do who knows if they briefly met her with them or not. 

I guess I need to empower myself by thinking he was thinking about me the whole time we were seperated. 

He was the one to come to me and ask me if I still wanted our marriage.
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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I never liked my boobs. Even during my seperation and during my affair I would not show my boobs even when asked too. I would purposely cover them up with a sheet or leave my bra on. I mostly used video chat. 

Because my husband was with another woman it just makes me hate my boobs even more.

My husband planned a reconsilstion cruise and we are leaving next Thursday for Florida. 

He also has talked about renewing our vows on a cruise next year.
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