# Has this happened and show I be worried



## Why4WhyGuy (Feb 21, 2011)

When my wife and I started dating, the relationship was great. We dated for almost 2 years before are relationship got sexual, during the middle of the second year, we got engaged. The sex life was fantastic. I mean she would jump on me, or anytime I jumped on her, we would go at it. We spent whole weekends going at, stopping to sleep, and eat, and shower, which usually just started it again. Then we got married, and everything changed. Our wedding night, she did not want to get intimate. Our entire 2 week honeymoon was sexless. Then we went from sex chance we got, to once a day. That quickly became once a week. Then once every few weeks. We ended up having two children, which only made it even worse.

At one point, I was working a job, where it became my problem. Due to the work I was doing, I ended up having no sexual drive at all. It bothered my wife, and we sat down and talked about it, and I ended up leaving that job, to save our sex life, and our marriage. Not 5 days after leaving the job, my sex drive came back, and it was good again for about 2 months.

Last year, we had sex 3 times. There are a great many things reading threw some of these forums that are confusing me though. First, I have seen some women say that women stress about many things like their looks, the house, the bills, the kids, etc. The only problem is, my wife does not have these problems. She does pay the bills, but I clean the house, and I take care of the kids, and I cook dinner. I compliment her on her looks constantly. Just random things threw out the day. Such as, Wow, you look great. Are you losing weight? Those girls on TV have nothing on you. I wish I did not have to go to work, just so I could stay home with you....etc. I get her flowers randomly, chocolate, cards, and so on. Yet, she is never in the mood.

What makes things even harder for me to understand, are just certain things that happen. We went into a sex shop on Valentines day. Talking about things that could help things out. The boxes still have not been opened. Went home that night, thinking wow, gonna try something new. Nope, not in the mood and right to sleep. Plus, I have brought it up before. She knows it upsets me. She has told me how her sex drive is racing, yet she is never in the mood, and 3 times last year. Not once, so far this year. Even went to the sex shop.

Any ideas on what is going on? I mean, she says she wants to have sex, yet we never do, I compliment her all the time, I get her little gifts, I do all the house work from childcare to laundry, I massage her back and feet on almost an every night basis. For the times in the past that I felt I would not perform so well, I have introduced toys, and other means like special lube. I make sure that she has an orgasim before I do. I know she does, because she would not lie about it.

For lack of a better way to put this....WTF?


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

So, are you a stay at home dad and she works outside the home? Are you both at home all day? I'm just trying to get a picture of your family dynamic. It does sound like you do a lot for her...what does she do for you? 

Um, how are you approaching sex? I am going to assume that you say "can we have sex tonight?" Then she replies "no, not in the mood/too tired/headache/etc." 

Jump on the bed and attack the woman!!! Either kiss her neck or tickle her a little bit and tell her to take her shirt off (don't ask, tell). It worked for my husband. 
Or you could put her up against the wall. Mmmmmm.

Open the toys and clean them so they will be ready for play. Have them in the nightstand or something. It sounds like you are waiting for her to initiate and that may never happen.


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## Why4WhyGuy (Feb 21, 2011)

notaname said:


> So, are you a stay at home dad and she works outside the home? Are you both at home all day? I'm just trying to get a picture of your family dynamic. It does sound like you do a lot for her...what does she do for you?


I am a stay at home dad now, with a part time Job, which is about to turn full time very soon. However, even when I was working full time, I was still doing all the house work. I mean I grew up doing all the house work, so it kinda stuck with me. Plus, I know how to cook, and her, not so much. She works 4 10 hour days, and right now I work 3 12 hour nights. So we are home around the same time often. I do everything I can for her. She makes a majority of the money. As far as what she does for me....I am drawing a blank. 



notaname said:


> Um, how are you approaching sex? I am going to assume that you say "can we have sex tonight?" Then she replies "no, not in the mood/too tired/headache/etc."


Actually, it has gotten to times, where I will simply come out and ask. That is not typical, but it has been so long, that it seems like the only way, and sometimes it is a no, do not count on it. Or I will make it sly, like, can not wait for the kids to go to bed so we can be alone. She will reply, I am going to bed when they do. 



notaname said:


> Jump on the bed and attack the woman!!! Either kiss her neck or tickle her a little bit and tell her to take her shirt off (don't ask, tell). It worked for my husband.
> Or you could put her up against the wall. Mmmmmm.


I will kiss her neck. She will tell me to stop. When I massage her back or feet or legs, I will start moving my hands up her thighs and she will close her legs tight and ask me what I think I am doing. I try to get her undressed, and she will respond with, I hope you do not think we are doing anything. Trust me, I have been rejected so many times in so many ways with so many methods, that it seems pointless to try anymore. Hell buying the toys, not these last ones but ones from before, I had them out on the bed. She came home one day from going to lunch with her mom, and I had the kids out to the baby sitter, all the toys out, roses, a bath ready for her. She walked in, and told me to put the stuff away. It gets really depressing sometimes. Yet she still talks about her high sex drive. I mean the messages are so mixed, that I have no idea what I am suppose to think.



notaname said:


> Open the toys and clean them so they will be ready for play. Have them in the nightstand or something. It sounds like you are waiting for her to initiate and that may never happen.


No, I used to wait on her to initiate, and she told me straight out, she is not going to do it. Which I find odd, cause she used to do it before we got married all the time. There had been a number of times we were suppose to go to the movies or something and she would start giving me a bj in the car on the way, and we would never make it to the movie. Now, it seems like it would take an act of God just to get a hj. 

Does this help your view at all? Any ideas, perhaps something I have missed?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

A lot of women, after the ring's on the finger, think that "Now that I have him, why should I bend over backwards to please him?"
Then of course, the bills, work, kids, all adds to the day to day stress.
But a darker thought: she works full time, what are her co-workers like? Not to scare you, but the "A" word sounds suspiciously relevant here.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Bluntly, I think she is not attracted to you anymore. You do too much. That may have caused her to lose respect for you because she can take advantage of you.

She may want to want to have sex with you, but she just doesn't. She probably doesn't even know why thinking you are the perfect husband. 

There are lots of ideas that the men here can share. I think the marriedmansexlife.com blog has some great tips.

Does she ask you to do stuff for her? Like get her a drink or a snack or whatever? Stop doing those things. She is a grown woman and can do it herself. It'll piss her off, but don't give in.
Stop doing her laundry. She can do her own laundry.
See if you can get her more involved in your children's lives. Have her do the bedtime routine some nights--especially the nights you work---if she doesn't already.

You work a lot. You've gotta be exhausted working nights and taking care of kids & house during the day!

Do you workout or have a hobby or anything that you do for yourself? If not, you should take something up. 

I dunno. These are just some thoughts.


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## Why4WhyGuy (Feb 21, 2011)

Thanks for the info. Notaname, I will try this stuff out. I guess, what could it hurt. What can she possibly do?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sounds like she's terrifically angry at you about something.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She had a high sex drive right up until the wedding and immediately it dropped considerably. Just wondering...when you proposed and she was jumping your bones regularly, were you employed full time? Frustration comes from expecting "A" but getting "B". Either she was into the thrill of the chase and lost interest when the quarry was in the bag or she'd set her mind that she was planning on "A" and later became frustrated when things turned out differently.


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## Nissan (Mar 20, 2011)

She makes the majority of the money....she pays the bills...you do the housework. Sounds like role-reversal. She might have the testosterone here. Some women really like that idea, but for others its a turn-off. She goes to work and interacts with some guy...he makes more money than she does...has the job, the power. She comes home and there is "Mr. Mom" wearing an apron and playing the housewife.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why,

You sound like a really nice guy.

Rest assured, that's likely at the root of your problems.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You BOTH got a wife. Works for her, doesn't work as well for you.


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