# Getting divorced, wife claims "emotional abuse"



## MormonDad (Mar 31, 2020)

My wife left and filed for divorce, she also applied for a PFA and a temp was granted but she didn't fight to extend it. She claims I was emotionally abusive. But when you're on the verge of divorce, is anyone not emotionally abusive??? I mean all we did for the last 5 months was fight and argue. She threated to hang me, and her mother has made multiple comments about murdering me. I have made a comment about putting her in a wood chipper. All of this was in good fun and we were all joking, but she used this as an excuse to file for a pfa…. 

How will this affect the outcome of custody with my children. She believes I need to only have supervised visitation. I've never hurt my children, in fact I don't even spank them. I do have a temper, I can acknowledge that, I get angry and usually I throw something and them I'm better. She's the opposite type of personality that gets mad and doesn't talk for days. Can me having a temper, be grounds to take my kids? We have no record of domestic violence and I've never hit her, ever. I've never even raised a hand to her or anything of the sort. 

Obviously we were both in the wrong on a lot of things, and I don't believe either of us to be a bad parent, but what are my chances here....? Am I doomed to loose my kids?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You need to contact at least one lawyer (second opinions are always good). Most lawyers will do free consultations. The answers to your questions will depend on where you live, the judge you get and your specific case. There is no one size fits all answer.

And WTF dude... You threatened to put her through a wood chipper? You throw things when you're mad? Yes, what your STBXW and her mother said is ****ed up and absolutely NOT okay. _However_, you are in charge of you. Do better. Don't just acknowledge your temper issues, do something about it. 

What your STBXW is doing (making up claims of abuse) happens often. You may want to consider recording conversations and phone calls that you have with your STBXW, in case there is any he said-she said. Depending on where you live that may not be legal, so look into recording laws for your state. 

And seriously, work on the temper.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most divorces come with a protective order that applies to both parties.

Woodchippers, murder, throwing things... all that is not cool. Throwing things when angry is considered abuse because the message is that next time it just might be you that throw around.

That said, generally you have to have a police record of domestic violence for abusive behavior to affect child custody. 

You need to talk to a lawyer and figure out how to go forward with this.

Are you still living in the same house with your wife?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I'm sorry, but this:


MormonDad said:


> All of this was *in good fun and we were all joking*, but she used this as an excuse to file for a pfa….


is in complete contradiction with this:


> But when you're on the verge of divorce, is anyone not *emotionally abusive*??? I mean all we did for the last 5 months was fight and argue.


Which is it? Joking in good fun, or mutually emotionally abusive?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

MormonDad said:


> My wife left and filed for divorce, she also applied for a PFA and a temp was granted but she didn't fight to extend it. She claims I was emotionally abusive. But when you're on the verge of divorce, is anyone not emotionally abusive??? I mean all we did for the last 5 months was fight and argue. She threated to hang me, and her mother has made multiple comments about murdering me. I have made a comment about putting her in a wood chipper. All of this was in good fun and we were all joking, but she used this as an excuse to file for a pfa….
> 
> How will this affect the outcome of custody with my children. She believes I need to only have supervised visitation. I've never hurt my children, in fact I don't even spank them. I do have a temper, I can acknowledge that, I get angry and usually I throw something and them I'm better. She's the opposite type of personality that gets mad and doesn't talk for days. Can me having a temper, be grounds to take my kids? We have no record of domestic violence and I've never hit her, ever. I've never even raised a hand to her or anything of the sort.
> 
> Obviously we were both in the wrong on a lot of things, and I don't believe either of us to be a bad parent, but what are my chances here....? Am I doomed to loose my kids?



I guess your chances depend on multiple factors. 

How old are your children? Have they observed your angry outbursts and throwing fits? Are your kids afraid of you?

I am going to say that a woman abandoning the marital home with her kids in tow is not usual. What made her feel like she needed to leave so suddenly? What was the final straw?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

You best Lawyer up quickly.
You have already done yourself quite a bit of damage via your temper.
Best for you to go no contact and let your Lawyer do the talking.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You have many questions that only a lawyer can answer. Though if, as your name implies, you are a Mormon, if your wife is also a Mormon have you spoken with your church leaders?


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## MormonDad (Mar 31, 2020)

"Throwing things when angry is considered abuse because the message is that next time it just might be you that throw around." 

What happened to innocent until proven guilty....? 

"How old are your children? Have they observed your angry outbursts and throwing fits? Are your kids afraid of you? "

Kids are 2 and 3, and yes they've seen me and her both be mad. I would say they're not afraid of either of us generally. When my 3 year does do something inappropriate she does hide from either parent. 

I am going to say that a woman abandoning the marital home with her kids in tow is not usual. What made her feel like she needed to leave so suddenly? What was the final straw? 

I think she was scared that a fight may happen if i were to know she was leaving. In all honesty i would have let her go if she left the kids. We're both done with each other and i understand that, but keeping the kids from their dad is the only part of this that infuriates me. The final straw was her telling me she loved me that morning and i looked at her and chose not to respond as i walked out the door. I was still mad about the night before when she was mean and cold.


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## MormonDad (Mar 31, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> You have many questions that only a lawyer can answer. Though if, as your name implies, you are a Mormon, if your wife is also a Mormon have you spoken with your church leaders?


I have consulted with our bishop and counseled with him many times about how to fix our marriage, she has refused to go and has refused to see a marriage counselor. I went to the marriage counselor by myself for a few months until he told me he didn't think i needed to come back. I would enroll myself in some anger management classes, but with covid, everything is canceled right now.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MormonDad said:


> I have consulted with our bishop and counseled with him many times about how to fix our marriage, she has refused to go and has refused to see a marriage counselor. I went to the marriage counselor by myself for a few months until he told me he didn't think i needed to come back. I would enroll myself in some anger management classes, but with covid, everything is canceled right now.


A lot of therapists are doing individual and group sessions via video call right now, including the anger management therapists/groups. A therapist may be hesitant to take on a new client via video call but it is still something that you can look into. If they are not able to "see" you right now, you can still find a therapist that you like, do the telephone meet and greet, possibly get some reading materials, and have them ready for when COVID dies down.


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