# seperation over something i dont agree with



## MIKE2810 (Feb 9, 2011)

My common law wife and i have been together for 6 years till august of this year. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter which we both love very much. We always had seperate bank accounts and were never open to each other about our finances as she did not want joint accounts. This year we bought a house together, and while at the bank the bank rep red out each of our debts for some strange reason. we were approved for the mortgage already- but were there for the bridge loan part of it. My wife was really upset to hear that i had some debt which i did not tell her about. it was approx $30,000. I have agreat job and do well financially. She has always been brought up with a srong money ethics from her parents. eg- pay for things when you have the money. 

The debt was from money i lent to my brother as he was lossing his house and car due to a bad divorce and loss of job. I did not tell her as i know she would not have allowed me to help him as she thought he was not very driven in life. She blaimed the debt on a car which i spent some money on restoring and i allowed her to do it as i thought she would be more upset if she knew it was my brother. in the end he lost the house and the car anyway so she was right in a way. I was brough up with the mentallity to help people if you can. I told her that it was my brother shortly after. 

Anyways, she was not happy about it but she seemed to be okay to live with it at first as i would pay it. after this, while on vacation my bothers wife cleaimed some stuff about him and he was arrested. while on holidays i left to go bail him out of jail. she was livid about this. 

one day shortly after , she came to me and told me that the money thing really bothered her and that she was offering the following in order for this to work-

sign a prenumptual agreement, sell the car, put the car in her name, or get out of the house. 

i told her that i could pay the debt without effecting her and i did not see the need for any of this.

she decided one day that she would tell her parents about the fact that i lied and did not tell her about the det. she also told my friends and family the same thing. she was livid and wanted our realationship ended. i pleaded with her that this did not effect her as we had seperate accounts. she did not care and advised that she would not live with a liar. 

she started looking for homes/ condos. i pleaded with her to re-consider numerous time- but she wouldnt. 

she bought a condo and is moving out this week. we have agreed on 50/50 custody of my daughter and our house is now sold. 

im having a really tough time with this as i dont agree with the outcome. i want to keep my family together at whatever cost. I have appoligized over and over and so has my family. friends and family dont agree with the outcome either. 

I know she left her ex husband because he was a financial mess and cheated on her. - but i was helping a family member out. 

i try to get her to re-consider and she wont. i tell her to think about out family and our 5 year old and she resists. 

i dont know what else to do. i am truly sorry i didnt tell her and i have tokd her this and would do anything to keep the family together. 

her father is not speaking to her as he feels that she should have known this prior to selling her first home to buy the one we just bought. he mother sais she will support her with whatevr decision she makes. the parents are a big influence in her life i always felt- she refuses to let me talk to them and make things right. it makes me wonder what she actually said to them. 

im at the point where i dont know what else to do. we are getting along great, but she wont give me another chance as she sais she cant get over it. 

what should i do?


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