# Trying to recover



## Oklahomalady (May 31, 2018)

Me and my husband have been married for 7 years. In the past 2 years I have caught him cheating. The most recent being 2 weeks ago. I saw texts between him and 2 women. The first woman was all about sex but the second woman he told her he loved her and I was destroyed. We agreed to separate, but we are waiting til My sons third birthday is over. Today he texts me being rude, we have been trying to be civil. Trying being the key word when I'm hurting. I've been looking for a new place and starting a new job trying to get to financially ne able to support me and our son with little help from him. He text me today asking what his big gift to our son should be and I made a suggestion he didnt like. He said where will his truck go, I said one can stay with you and one can go to my house when I move. He started telling me i can take what i bought. I pointed out we bought all his gifts up to recently together. So he starts telling me I'm worthless, hes gonna take my son from me, how I'm holding him back and all I do is hurt him and my son. I pointed out he got caught cheating he didnt decide to divorce and that set off a whole new conversation of me being useless. And the worst part is I'm lonely as hell. Not in the sex meaning. I miss having someone to talk to to share my day with, to talk about new things with and I lost my husband, my best friend and my world over some texts to these women. But I cannot let it go and move on and neither of us want to be together. He will keep cheating and he loves them now not me and idk. I'm lost and hurt and so confused and trying to be civil for our son but hurting and angry too. Why does he get to be mad at me? He did this. He made this choice. I think he didnt plan on getting caught but now that he has he is going full blast into a relationship with one of the other women. Idk I need help.


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

I'm sorry for this awful situation you are going through. It is clear he is not going to be there for you. I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is find a therapist you can talk to and take care of yourself. Group support like this site can also help, but I don't think it will replace having a therapist.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Only contact him through text when it concerns your son,no other contact.Let him deal with your lawyer and do not let him intimidate or belittle you.He screwed up but he is trying to alleviate his guilt by hurting you.
Just ignore him and if you do have any interactions and he gets abusive just hang up or walk away.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

OKL, sorry you are here, it sucks and the hurt is going to take quite a while to get over, the pain, the triggers, the memories and the dreams you once had .... lost BUT

It WILL get better, you will be GOOD! It is just going to take time. What you are feeling is completely normal. I would recommend seeing a therapist/individual counselor to help you through the mental and emotional stuff and that can also help with parenting as well.

Now that, that is out of the way let's talk about a few things. First thing that I saw is that YOU are trying to find a place, why? The one who made the decisions to end this marriage needs to find another place to live. If you haven't already, please see a lawyer, like yesterday! To get your rights straightened out and what you are entitled to. He is not going to play fair, he is not going to take into consideration your marriage or the years you had together. To him, he only sees his own needs and happiness and he will do whatever it takes to fulfill them and steamroll you in the process. So please, for the sake of your son, please see a lawyer. At the very least so you understand what you are entitled to, what can happen and to protect yourself and your son.

Ok, I actually just re-read the post and saw the stuff about him calling you worthless and taking your son away from you. If you aren't looking up lawyers as you read this, please minimize this window and do so. He does NOT know what's best for his son, sorry. That is proven by his actions of infidelity and breaking up a family. Do not listen anything numbnuts has to say. 

Now back to the gift thing, again, seriously, F whatever this low life has to say. He lost his right to tell you what to do when he decided he wanted to fire you from the job of wife. Do what you feel is right when it comes to your son and by God, please protect him and yourself. The separation is a JOKE in this case. A separation should be for people that have a sliver of a chance to redeem the marriage on work on themselves. But the separation is being used for what it is normally used for now, so he can get off scott free and do whatever the Hell he pleases. 

Get a support network started of close and trusted family/friends. Get recommendations on a lawyer and start calling them today. It doesn't cost a ton to do the initial consultation and that will tell you most of what you need to do. I would start the process of legally fighting for what is right and making him figure out how to make ends meet. He owes you support financially but only if you make the steps to get legal help, which you must do for the sake of your boy. If you had a marital home, please DO NOT move out, I repeat do not move out.


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