# Really need some help



## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Long story:
My husband and I have been together for 17 years 3 kids, 17, 10, and 9. He began working out of town for long periods of time a few years ago and moved me and the kids 350 miles away from all family and friends. Well last year he left me for a 24 year old bar tender.... He is 38. Said I threw him to the wolfs. Wouldnt get a job to keep him home etc. I begged and begged him to come home. He did 4 months ago. Quit his job, the kids are happy but I am misrible. The first 2 months were great but I had a mini stroke 2 months ago and am still healing. I am not coping. I broke a rule with him, we were not suppose to bring up what we had done, (when I found out he was with that girl I was so mad I slept with someone) I was so hurt and angry, how could he do me that way, and the kids, just leave me to deal with everything while he was in another state! Anyway, we had a hugh fight 2 weeks ago and I went crazy throwing things, and said horrible things to him and now he cant forgive me...he cant forgive me. He had a 9 month relationship with another woman and he cant forgive me. He threatnes to leave, says we are strangers, says he does love me but is confused. Shows me NO attention, and I just keep pressing the issue, everyday. Telling him how much I love him and dont want him to leave. and that I didnt mean what I said. he is so cold and distant. Just like when he was seeing that girl. I feel like he is playing me for a fool. Like he is just going to leave me and my girls any day. Doesnt want to talk to me, I annoy him. He sleeps on the couch. I hate this. I am misrible with and I feel like I will just die with out him. I have been with him longer than I have not. Please help!


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## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Not to mention that it is totally consuming me. I almost lost my job last week, I cant focus. It is eating me alive. I need him to forgive me and tell me that we can try again but he wont. I am so lost. Having nightmares.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Go dark, do the 180. You need to get into counselling. It seems to me that until you can have the correct perspective on what has happened and deal with your H without going crazy, you will just push him away.

Work on yourself and he might come back but you might realize you do not want him back.

Be strong, get some help,
Stretch


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## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Thank you


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I forgot to mention that I am sorry that you find yourself in this mess. TAM can be a good place for advice and support, it was for me.

To give you some perspective from my point of view. My WAW told me she wants to get back together two weeks ago. That was 14 months after she decided to leave and shook my world to its core.

I feel like I do not want this right now and I can't believe it based on how badly I wanted her back at the beginning. Keep an open mind to what you really want from your life.

This is going to be the strangest, most emotional time of your life but I know you can survive and thrive.

Good luck ANN,
Stretch


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Just in case you are missing the obvious, you need to focus on controlling your temper. There is nothing attractive or desirable about a raving lunatic. That is what you look like when you lose it and start throwing things. If you feel your temper building, disengage and tell him you are getting emotional and need a little break. Come back when you are calm. Always remain calm...at least outwardly.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Forgiveness is a process. Sounds like you two are skipping the important parts and jumping to the end. It won't work. Skip the process and you will continue to harbor resentment. Resentment kills marriages.

What was going on in the marriage that led to the affair?

Why do you want him back?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

And try to keep your posts all in one place. A journal of sorts. Easier for folks to follow along, read your thoughts and help you process.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Merry Christmas, Ann.

I hope this note finds you well,
Stretch


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