# Wife turns off in the middle of sex



## Mcobb83 (Dec 11, 2016)

Here is the issue: like the subject line says, my wife spontaneously becomes not in the mood for sex right in the middle of sex. It's so extreme that it causes her physical pain and a good amount of emotional stress. Sometimes the reaction is worse, sometimes it's mild, and rarely it doesn't happen - though on those occasions it's typically because I wasn't that great. It definitely seems that the more pleasure she experiences, the more extreme her shut off is.

A little background on us: we've been married almost 12 years. This problem didn't begin until after our first kid was born, about 7 years ago, and then it was mild and uncommon. It's definitely getting worse. If it matters neither of us has ever been unfaithful.

This issue is becoming really bothersome to me, not just because it tends to destroy what would otherwise be really great sex, but more because of the duress it puts on her. She is frustrated that she can't orgasm, and she is upset that she can't satisfy my sexual needs too, and is afraid I will end up resenting her and leaving or having an affair.

Has anyone ever dealt with a problem like this before? Any solutions worth trying?

I appreciate any help or advice.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

What does her Doctor say about it?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

What is happening in the seconds beforehand? Specifically, what are you doing, and what is different about the times when her turn-off is less painful vs. more so? This could be something you are doing that hurts her, but it may not always be obvious what that is, especially if her arousal build-up is part of the trigger. Does it depend on position? Does it usually occur during manual, or oral, or PIV stimulation? Is it angle, intensity, speed, or pressure related, or a particular location on her parts? And what is different about your activities when this problem does not occur? Or, does it always? If the latter, it may be something psychological on her side. You do say it rarely happens when you aren't that good - what does that mean?


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## Mcobb83 (Dec 11, 2016)

First, she hasn't brought it up with her doctor.

Second, it doesn't seem to be related to position, and it happens regardless of how I stimulate her. The only commonality I have found (and I have been looking for one) is that the better it feels for her, the more extreme the turn off in the middle is. It seems to be pre-orgasm for her, as in right before she orgasms she has this painful physical and emotional turn off.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Mcobb83 said:


> *First, she hasn't brought it up with her doctor.*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Is your wife religious.Some religions try to push the idea that sex is for reproductive reasons only and frown on contraception or other methods of birth control.She may be feeling guilty and the more she is enjoying it the guiltier she feels.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

You need her to find out whether it's a physical/medical problem or if she ever had any sexual abuse in her past. 

If not try finding a good sex therapist. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

MrsAldi said:


> You need her to find out whether it's a physical/medical problem or if she ever had any sexual abuse in her past.
> 
> If not try finding a good sex therapist.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Exactly my thoughts. This is classic for child sex abuse. After the child was born she may have triggered back to the abuse she suffered. Prior to that she may have been fairly successfully suppressing it. There are a lot of psych dynamics going on inside her if she was abused. She may not reveal it to you even if you ask directly. At this point I think she should talk to her doc about it, which you can suggest. However, if she refuses then it bodes ill for recovery. 

Also, I think you should ask her to attend some form of couples sex therapy to deal with this. You can frame it as a problem within the couple, not that it is her problem. Whatever is going on is complicated and needs professional guidance. Maybe it is something hormonal or physical, and the therapist can help guide her to the right kind of MD. Maybe it is child sex abuse stuff, which the therapist can guide her to the right kind of IC as well as perhaps help you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mcobb83 said:


> we've been married almost 12 years.
> 
> about 7 years ago, and then it was mild and uncommon. *It's definitely getting worse.*


She could have a prolapsed uterus or something like that causing pain as soon as orgasms begin to trigger muscle contractions. She could also have fibroid tumors that have been growing in size causing problems. She could have a torn ligament in her lower back causing nerve trauma. 

If she also has this same problem during masturbation, she needs to go to a doctor and talk about it. 

Something that has been getting worse and worse sounds mostly like a growing tumor somewhere. This can be common and completely benign for the female reproductive system, but you have many more options to treat it while things are still in the early stages. 

I know of someone that just has uterine fibroid tumors that are benign, but because they have spread out into the digestive tract, doctors can no longer remove them easily and this person is having to undergo chemo. The chemo chosen is one that also has to be precariously balanced with hopefully being able to have more children. 

Meanwhile, here you and your wife sit not bothering to discuss these things with a doctor.

*GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!!!*

Badsanta


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

badsanta said:


> She could have a prolapsed uterus or something like that causing pain as soon as orgasms begin to trigger muscle contractions. She could also have fibroid tumors that have been growing in size causing problems. She could have a torn ligament in her lower back causing nerve trauma.
> 
> If she also has this same problem during masturbation, she needs to go to a doctor and talk about it.
> 
> ...


I don't get why you refuse to see a medical professional and would rather vent to a bunch of strangers.

Especially your wife. Who's in pain. :scratchhead:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

badsanta said:


> She could have a prolapsed uterus or something like that causing pain as soon as orgasms begin to trigger muscle contractions. She could also have fibroid tumors that have been growing in size causing problems. She could have a torn ligament in her lower back causing nerve trauma.
> 
> -----------
> 
> ...


My wife recently had fibroids removed for this reason, though the pain she was experiencing wasn't as severe, it doesn't sound like. Nor did it occur solely during sex (but it occasionally did). My wife also has a very high threshold for pain.

In her case, one of the fibroids caused one ovary to be lower than the other. Depending on the position, it would cause some mild pain. This is actually how she discovered she had them, believe it or not. A little over-sharing, but my wife has a long vagina, and she never experienced anybody (never mind me) hitting her cervix (or uterus, or anything else back there). She put 2 and 2 together, and went to the doctor. If I recall, she described it as a 'mild pain' if I happened to hit it, as opposed to something sharp. A simple position change and she was fine.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Those damn ovaries can be so freaking tempermental! It most likely has a medical cause. I think it a red herring that the more aroused she is the greater the fall, because the more aroused she is the more she would notice the fall.

I have experienced similar to what you describe. That feeling of climbing, climbing, climbing....nothing...gone. Utterly frustrating and completely hormonal.

Send your wife to a doctor because she is too young to be menopausal so it must have something to do with her ovaries and I hope it is a very minor something because it could also be a very major something so do NOT take this lightly!

Doctor! Pronto!


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