# The Reason Why Marriage is a Doomed Enterprise



## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

I agree with the Rabbit, women do not get preferential treatment and in divorce a woman's standard of living tends to go way down (unless her finances are equal to and independent of her husbands). And she possibly gets the joy of being a single mom (my heart goes out to them). Marriages aren't lasting because we live in a disposable age, if it doesn't seem to work throw it out and get another. I just read a post from a man who was ready to end his marriage because his wife kissed someone. A good marriage just doesn't happen it takes work and care and constant attention, not from just one partner but both.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Marriage has always been a doomed enterprise to begin with... yet it happens, wake up one day... OMG I'm married, and my daughter is 2 years old! How the hell did all this happen?!

Bah!



> People (especially women from what I have witnessed, but this still applies to men) do not put their partner first.


Sucks being human doesn't it? Meh


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Next time you want to make a point about why marriage is failing...don't expect people to applaud you if you can't express your point without sounding like a woman hater.


:rofl:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> After much discussion, investigation and reflection, it is clear, from my own observations, that the reason why marriage is doomed boils down to this:
> 
> People (especially women from what I have witnessed, but this still applies to men) do not put their partner first. Their primary concern is one of how 'fulfilled' they are or if they are 'happy' or if they 'could do better'. It's a very narcissistic, selfish approach and this is the primary reason why relationships barely last for any significant period of time.
> 
> ...


your calling it like you see it! 

lots of truth in this post!!!


which part exactly shows he a woman hater?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

grizabella said:


> I agree with the Rabbit, women do not get preferential treatment and in divorce a woman's standard of living tends to go way down (unless her finances are equal to and independent of her husbands). And she possibly gets the joy of being a single mom (my heart goes out to them). Marriages aren't lasting because we live in a disposable age, if it doesn't seem to work throw it out and get another. I just read a post from a man who was ready to end his marriage because his wife kissed someone. A good marriage just doesn't happen it takes work and care and constant attention, not from just one partner but both.


the mans standard of living and the children standard of living also goes way down.

thats what happens in a broken family.

how do you quantify how much each standard of living goes down?


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> The parts that stink of hating women or blaming women for the marriage crisis have been bolded.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


or you just want to see things the way you want to 


ie closed minded and forget about the rest of what was written.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> Ali*cough*mony.


:lol::lol::lol:

Laughable. In my divorce (he filed), I got zero alimony, no assets, and he even got to keep OUR house. 

So keep posting about how women get preferential treatment. LOL.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Not at all...I see good points in the post, but the good points would have been communicated more effectively by leaving out the gender specific jabs.
> 
> that's all.


Then WHY didn't you comunicate that instead of calling him a woman hater?


your the type of person who dosn't like name calling but its ok if you do it!


catch more flys with honey than vinegar


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> :lol::lol::lol:
> 
> Laughable. In my divorce he filed, I got zero alimony and he got to keep OUR house.
> 
> So keep posting about how women get preferential treatment. LOL.


bad lawyer is my guess.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What was her name?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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## Kricket (May 10, 2011)

You have obviously been hurt by a woman and yes this post does come across that you don't have faith in women in general. There are many women on this site that have been wronged by a selfish male and feel the same about men as you do women. In the past, the courts have had the tendacy to favor women, but I do not believe that is the case today. While women may still be coming out a little better in a majority of cases, that gap is closing fairly quickly. 

Take away pointing fingers at a specific gender and your analysis makes plenty of sense. We are part of a society of "me". If one isn't treated as they believe they should be, then they start to look to see if there is something out there better for them. No one thinks they should have to compromise as many believe they are worth the extra attention. This attitude is detrimental to marriage.

My husband and I made a pact before our children were born to always put our marriage first. We make many sacrifices for our children, but always make sure that we are in 100% agreement so nothing tears at our foundation. 

It is impossible to consistently put another person first and at the same time end up putting each other first. It never works out that way. Someone always gets more than the other and you end up creating a selfish monster in the other person. The way to do it is to put the relationship first which always means some give and take for both partners and gives you both a goal to work toward together.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Then WHY didn't you comunicate that instead of calling him a woman hater?
> 
> 
> your the type of person who dosn't like name calling but its ok if you do it!
> ...


no I'm not that type of person...so I do apologize for busting out the woman hating comment. 

I could have put it another way. In that aspect you're correct.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I think there is much truth to your article, I just think it applies to both men and women. It basically describes my x-wife, so in that case, it applies to a woman. There are also many men who are the same.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Selfishness and a "me" society can def play roles in divorces.

Also, most divorces are usually not mutual. There tends to be one party who wanted to stay married and the other one is out the door.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh I think she can read just fine


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

No one has mentioned the societal pressures on marriage. In most cases it takes two incomes to raise a family now, the ecomony stinks and we're busy, busy, busy. People are sacrificing their own needs, as well as their partners and I think the most common complaint today is fatigue. "Selfish" doesn't always enter into the equation.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Selfishness and a "me" society can def play roles in divorces.
> 
> Also, most divorces are usually not mutual. There tends to be one party who wanted to stay married and the other one is out the door.


:iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah I agree with you about societal pressure, too, Griz.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> no I'm not that type of person...so I do apologize for busting out the woman hating comment.
> 
> I could have put it another way. In that aspect you're correct.


cool, I do the same sometimes and it sux when someone calls me on it.

But I have gotten better at trying to not fall into that kinda thing.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> When it comes to intellectual debate I always win


and humble too!


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> When it comes to intellectual debate I always win


So win this: Why are you here if you think marriage is doomed? This is a PRO marriage website and after your initial pot stirring, you have have gone in to three pages now talking about how right you are, with zero relation to the post.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> She can read (and contribute intellectually) as well as you can.
> 
> My verdict: *F* :rofl:


Nope. You're gonna have to do better than that. 



WiseOwlGuy said:


> When it comes to intellectual debate I always win


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Now I'm lost as hell in this discussion =/

Someone help the lost kid?


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So win this: Why are you here if you think marriage is doomed? This is a PRO marriage website and after your initial pot stirring, you have have gone in to three pages now talking about how right you are, with zero relation to the post.


Read his post here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/suggestion-box/27360-guest-area.html

Apparently he was really depressed and needed someone to talk to and was upset it took him hours to get approved by the MODs. I guess now that he finally got approved to be in here, he wants to start talking smack to everyone.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> Marriage is doomed but *if people actually listen to what I am saying*, it needn't be


Yes! Because you believe you hold all of the answers!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> *especially women*... *especially women*... *especially women*


WiseOwlGuy, I'm a kid, merely late 20s, yet I can see the failure of your attempts of political correctness. If you wish I can discuss this in more detail, let me know.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> I don't need to. My verdict still stands and, like any educated proffessor, it will only improve once you have proven you can contribute something meaningful to a given discussion.
> 
> So far, not impressed.


Like an "educated proffessor?"

Spellcheck is your friend. 

I'm not impressed either. :lol:


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> When I hear of someone getting divorce my first thought is 'what a failure'.
> 
> And that's the way it should be [/QUOTE
> 
> I agree with some of what you said however, IMO,When I hear of someone remaining in marriages that are not healthy, even after many things have been tried, my first thought is, "You're not a martyr. How sad."


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> I added the extra F for humorous effect. If you noticed, I graded you F a while back. Glad to see you can pay SOME attention
> 
> Grade now?
> 
> F+


There is only one failure at humor here. 

I give you a zero!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Move along folks, nothing to see here.


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## CarrieAnn (Mar 25, 2011)

Banned already? What a surprise.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

It might have something to do with my lady brain, but I don't quite believe you meant to misspell professor. 

This thread is fun. I needed a laugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Why you ban him? Damn... =/

I was about to set him straight


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Manic-depressives who say "now I'm fine" have usually gone off their meds.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Funny, I was going to ask what kind of wine goes well with troll. 

Hey, if he was left to continue I would guess that he would make vast generalizations about the Irish, Italians and Norwards.

Amp, do I get a gold star for calling him out? Har har.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol. Nooooo! We were going to have so much fun with him! Hahahah.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Since he knew how to keep marriages together I was going to ask him how long he's been married for. And send my condolences to his wife. I wonder if she can read. Probably not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

3 more posts before the magic number...

Sorry, just wanting for someone to stop me from exploding in a few hours with the missus, no one is arguing with me... does that mean I'm doing something right? Or everyone who read it is going "tsk tsk! What an idiot!"

Hell I REALLY should sleep this worries off.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> MAYBE...just MAYBE divorce is so common now because women are just now catching on to the fact that men are emotionally lazy horndogs who take their wives for granted on a regular basis.
> 
> there's my man hating sexist thought for the day


Lazy. C+ at best. 

"Men are defective women who you either correct or destroy.": A-. I heard this from a woman I know who's divorced and a multiple concurrent cheater.

My other friend though got an A+ for exploding in a minutes long obscenity rich torrent of death threats in open court directed at her husband. Spit flying, crazy lady hair, tried to claw his face. She won the Boiled Bunny Award that day, hands down.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

I agree i with wise old owl guy. For a man to get to get divorced now a days it is emotional and financial suicide. We have friends that this happened too. They were a family of 7. She wanted five kids and he gave them to her. He was very financially successful. She bought a gym membership. Fell in love with her trainer, seperated from her husband, gave birth to the new love child, drained his accounts worth $100k on lawyer and "displaced homemaker fees", refuses to marry this new guy so she can still receive alimony from the husband. It has been over 2 years and the courts STILL wont declare them legally divorced. When the husband went to a court hearing and she was there pregnant, with the trainers baby, the court referred to her pregnancy as her CONDITION!! Still not being legally divorced she was allowed to be under the husbands health insurance for the trainers baby's prenatel care and delivery!!!!! Plus now she gets food stamps, subsidized housing and medicaid, on top of what the trainer-boyfriend contributes to the household income!!! I say with a divorce a woman can really come out on top!!!!

My husband and I joke that if we got divorced and lived off the government we would be doing better financially!!!!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

annagarret said:


> I agree i with wise old owl guy. For a man to get to get divorced now a days it is emotional and financial suicide. We have friends that this happened too. They were a family of 7. She wanted five kids and he gave them to her. He was very financially successful. She bought a gym membership. Fell in love with her trainer, seperated from her husband, gave birth to the new love child, drained his accounts worth $100k on lawyer and "displaced homemaker fees", refuses to marry this new guy so she can still receive alimony from the husband. It has been over 2 years and the courts STILL wont declare them legally divorced. When the husband went to a court hearing and she was there pregnant, with the trainers baby, the court referred to her pregnancy as her CONDITION!! Still not being legally divorced she was allowed to be under the husbands health insurance for the trainers baby's prenatel care and delivery!!!!! Plus now she gets food stamps, subsidized housing and medicaid, on top of what the trainer-boyfriend contributes to the household income!!! I say with a divorce a woman can really come out on top!!!!
> 
> My husband and I joke that if we got divorced and lived off the government we would be doing better financially!!!!


Hmmm....I must be doing something wrong. This women must be committing fraud, if she and the husband are still legally married. I've been there with a $220K medical bill, no income, and declared "disabled"--yet I couldn't qualify for anything.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Okay, while I don't agree with everything the OP has posted, I've seen absolutely nothing that would get him banned.

While his opinions are not popular - he has been rather polite, direct and to the point in his post(s). 

And, he has managed to get quite a discussion going - so he did hit a nerve with some.

But to be banned - I disagree - what has he posted that meets the rules to be banned?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Agreed, I was looking forward to a discussion with him too and then BAM =/


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Judgment call. Whenever a new member appears and immediately begins to post a controversial thread for the sole purpose of generating a range war they are suspected as being a troll. While I have no problem with the subject matter of which sex fairs better in divorce or whether or not marriage is a doomed institution, several comments were sexist in general. As a mod, anytime we see a run-away thread there is generally something going on. This thread was hitting a heightened state of agitation. I injected ceiling cat as a reminder that the thread was under scrutiny. It was then locked and examined. The OP was given a warning and a 7-day ban. The thread has been left open for continued discussion.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Damn, he got a warning? I just get a flat out ban.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Damn, he got a warning? I just get a flat out ban.


They were simultaneous.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I diagree with the OP for many reasons. All have probably been covered, however here goes:

The first being, the reason that women get custody of children is because they are still usually the primary care givers, and often give up their careers to take care of the children. No not all ways, but I think that's where you will find the 8% comes in.

As for the the women being better off then men after divorce that statistically is untrue, women are more likely to live in poverty after divorce then men and especially if they have children.

Alimony is paid because women do make sacrifices for the family that enable the men to work and should be just as valued as the mans job.

Women do file for divorce more then men, and not because they are evil ( for the most part) but because many women just get tired of not having their needs met I'm sure. It just shows me that women are more pro active about taking control of their lives, and if men did this women would find them more attractive and probably divorce them less often.


Women are also able to divorce rather then stay in abusive relationships, because their is some safety nets. However any one who thinks single mothers have it easy should try it sometimes, and likewise to those who think getting government benefits makes life a walk in the park.


I do believe women are not valued and that there are some gender role issues and traditional women's roles or anything feminine is also not valued, not like the masculine. 

If men want women to choose more traditional roles in life and to compliment their masculinity they should value women much more then they do. This could start with men not speaking poorly of women who stay home with the children, and acting like they haven't contributed equally when it comes to divorce, or implying women at home are lazy etc. You can't have it both ways.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Syrum said:


> If men want women to choose more traditional roles in life and to compliment their masculinity they should value women much more then they do. This could start with men not speaking poorly of women who stay home with the children, and acting like they haven't contributed equally when it comes to divorce, or implying women at home are lazy etc. You can't have it both ways.


I'd like to add::
My Dad worked (3) jobs, one full time, one part time and was in the National Guard. He did all this so that my Mom could stay @home and take care of us. He had the traditional role of providing money/leadership for the family and she stayed at home and took care of us children and the house etc.

My parents are a couple of years shy of their 60th wedding anniversary! Have they had tough times? Sure! Has one or both of them wanted to give up? Sure....

Times have changed....most of the time, it takes TWO working to make ends meet. I only have one child for that reason and a modest home - I don't believe I should or can live beyond my means....I don't want people in my life for what I have but WHO I am!

So....what I'm saying is, times have changed. People are pre-occupied with work and in this economy, things are just plain stressful! I just wonder, if we could slow down, back up and just look at our day-to-day lives, could we all make changes for one another? Could we be happier with less? I just wonder what it's going to be like when my son (now almost 10) settles down and has a family!


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