# Husband's submissivnes...



## Livia&Olen

Since I met my husband, I considered myself the luckiest woman in the world...my husband has been nothing but caring, loving, tolerant, understanding...best person I ever met.
We fell in love, got married and have been so for the last 26 years.
We live alone now as our son, our only child, left the household to live with his finacee. Things actually got even better as we have more time for ourselves. 
Lately...well, my husband got even better, all of his virtues I mentioned before got increased by a notch or two and my intuition told me something was changing. As we all are somewhat paranoid, I though he might be cheating on me, feeling guilty and thus getting more and more attentive.
Until I discovered something...by pure accident.
I came across few articles that he printed out on paper, articles he found on the net, articles describing a Female Led Relationship!!... And one of those with the title "How to intoduce your wife to Femdom lifestyle"...
Then I realized that his recent behaviour was of a submissive charachter, rather then just "very nice".
I was about to confront him with this but first took some time to contemplate on it. 
Since he was actually spoiling me and treating me like a queen for the past 26 years, at some point I actually thoguht that this is just a normal development of our relationship. So I thought why not...if he wants to be submissive and passive to me, I'll let him. Then I confronted him acting a bit offended that he was hiding something from me.
We are both open minded people, our sex life was always great, we are both imaginative and were able to find ways to spice it up a bit...and yes, we did some roleplaying that included me being dominant in bed but vice versa too...I knew he preferred to be under rather then on top, but I insisted on both ways just to keep some balance.
However, this is different...when i confronted him with this issue, his answers were not related to bedroom play.
He said that he was waiting for 24 years to tell me that he, from the bottom of his soul, wants to be my "slave"!!
How is it possible that I never saw all this within him?
Being a great husband is one thing but wanting to be someone's slave is completely different.
I asked him to elaborate this further...as he did, my jaw dropped and stayed that way for hours.
His idea of living that way is to make me a queen...to obey, to listen, to pamper, to do all the housework...
On one hand I admit that the idea is quite apealling...on the other hand I don't know is it normal? If it will affect our marriage? If I don't agree will he be unhappy? If I agree, will it change me also? Don't know what to do...


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## Blanca

I think if you two do this he will end up very resentful. He cant ablate his pride at your feet without his ego taking a beating for it. In other words, I think it'll become a love/hate relationship. 

But if you dont do it he might also resent you and try to be submissive anyway. so if you're comfortable with that role then you might as well let him figure it out for himself instead of acting like a parent. If you are not comfortable with that role then I dont think you should do it.


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## anx

I might agree to more of that sex wise if you are comfortable, but not let it bleed into the rest of your life together.

It might just be a fantasy that he has been tossing around for years in his head and thinking how cool it would be. I think if you did if for a few weeks he would get board of it. I'm not sure it would turn out healthy.

Keep talking to him about it.


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## Livia&Olen

Sex wise would not be a big issue at all...however it apears not to be sex wise only, his desires are more as of a lifestyle...
To play around a little, I can cope with...no problem...
To have him as a servant, I don't know...


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## SunnyT

I only voted no because it's your husband of 26 YEARS! If I was going to have a full time servant, I'd want it to be someone I don't know intimately!


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## LovesHerMan

I don't know about your husband being unhappy if you don't allow him to be your slave, but I can almost guarantee that you would be unhappy if you did. You will lose all respect for him, and then all sexual attraction will be gone. Why would you want a husband who is inferior to you, as a slave would be? It is one thing to be sexually dominant with him, but quite another to lose respect for him.


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## that_girl

If my husband wanted me to take that role, I'd be repulsed. He is such a strong man both mentally, sexually and emotionally. He leads this family. If he laid that on me, i'd rather be single. Yuck.


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## GL9302

I don't think that this is too far out. Do a little internet search and you'll discover a lot of men with this kind of kink or fetish or whatever you call it.

It's not easy for a husband to come out and admit this as it is completely against what societal norms are for men. You should take it as a compliment that he feels safe enough to tell you his innermost and most vulnerable feelings/desires.

Ironically, usually the desire is most prominent among men who are in positions of power or have heavy responsibilities at work. Often times, they will simply visit dommes (primarily because they have the money and time to), leaving the poor wife clueless.

I'm in such a relationship with my wife and I usually just lurk but I feel compelled to sign up and point out that don't dismiss it out of hand. I confessed to her about five years ago and it took a year or two to "tune" it but we are steady and enjoying it now. 

My point is if you suppress it or not allow him to express his nature, it will just resurface in some other forms, possibly without your participation. Do you want that?

To those who would be repulsed by a husband's desire to be submissive to his wife, I'm a high earning business owner. I manage a lot of employees and to my kids, I'm the picture of the alpha male successful dad. They have no idea and now they are in college, they still have no ideas.



Our kids have moved out as well and now we can be more open (at home) with our relationship. Behind closed doors, my wife is the Queen. I'm more of a service-oriented submissive, which means I love doing housework, pampering, occassionally kneeling. No spanking or cross-dressing--we are just not into it. My job is to pamper, and my enjoyment is seeing that she gets what she demands of me (yes, it's hard to explain). Needless to say, this requires a complete trusting relationship.

Sex is extremely fulfilling with my wife being pampered and having little pressure to please me, she wants a lot of sex and we make love often (about once every two days, which is good for our age--early 50). 

Despite the fact that it would seem a lop-sided relationship to everyone, it's the most fulfilling period of my life as it satisfies my innermost desire to be the best I can be for one woman. And in my eyes, she's the hottest woman alive.

What you need to watch out for is what we call "topping from bottom", meaning he is submissive for his kink but not for your wants/needs/desires. 

A true submissive husband will feel joy when he fulfills his wife/Queen needs and desires and she acknowledges his service--that is his source of happiness. Think of a knight and Queen metaphor. Argggg...it's impossible to explain to one who is not, so often we don't even try.

But my point: Don't dismiss it out of hand. If it festers for so many years, try to work with him. Believe me when I say it won't go away. Either he will find outlet with you, or he will sneak around and find outlets without you. 

Hope that is a helpful perspective.


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## Livia&Olen

SunnyT said:


> I only voted no because it's your husband of 26 YEARS! If I was going to have a full time servant, I'd want it to be someone I don't know intimately!


I don't know about that...it seems to me that in such a relationship, two of the major factors are trust and confidence.
How to achieve those with a stranger?


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## Livia&Olen

lovesherman said:


> I don't know about your husband being unhappy if you don't allow him to be your slave, but I can almost guarantee that you would be unhappy if you did. You will lose all respect for him, and then all sexual attraction will be gone. Why would you want a husband who is inferior to you, as a slave would be? It is one thing to be sexually dominant with him, but quite another to lose respect for him.


Well, I agree with all that...loss of respect is probably beggining of the end of any relationship.
However, at the moment I am kind of freaking out that my husband has been unhappy and unsatisfied for the last two decades by supresing this issue. So...If I/we don't go for it, will he that way for the rest of our future?
I really thought this would be easier to figure out


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## Livia&Olen

that_girl said:


> If my husband wanted me to take that role, I'd be repulsed. He is such a strong man both mentally, sexually and emotionally. He leads this family. If he laid that on me, i'd rather be single. Yuck.


I love my husband dearly, he is the greatest person I know...one way or another, I'd not rather be single


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## Livia&Olen

wifeofhusband said:


> Some people do live this lifestyle and it works for them. Only you can both decide if it is right for you. If you think it might be ok, I wonder if you could try it for a set period of time and then see how it went and decide if you want to continue? It's not for me so I voted 'no' on your poll but that doesn't mean it's a no for you too.


Yes, that is what I am thinking too...to maybe have a testing period and see how it goes.
I just don't know hoe to start :scratchhead: although it seems like he started it already...


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## Livia&Olen

GL9302 said:


> I don't think that this is too far out. Do a little internet search and you'll discover a lot of men with this kind of kink or fetish or whatever you call it.
> 
> It's not easy for a husband to come out and admit this as it is completely against what societal norms are for men. You should take it as a compliment that he feels safe enough to tell you his innermost and most vulnerable feelings/desires.
> 
> Ironically, usually the desire is most prominent among men who are in positions of power or have heavy responsibilities at work. Often times, they will simply visit dommes (primarily because they have the money and time to), leaving the poor wife clueless.
> 
> I'm in such a relationship with my wife and I usually just lurk but I feel compelled to sign up and point out that don't dismiss it out of hand. I confessed to her about five years ago and it took a year or two to "tune" it but we are steady and enjoying it now.
> 
> My point is if you suppress it or not allow him to express his nature, it will just resurface in some other forms, possibly without your participation. Do you want that?
> 
> To those who would be repulsed by a husband's desire to be submissive to his wife, I'm a high earning business owner. I manage a lot of employees and to my kids, I'm the picture of the alpha male successful dad. They have no idea and now they are in college, they still have no ideas.
> 
> 
> 
> Our kids have moved out as well and now we can be more open (at home) with our relationship. Behind closed doors, my wife is the Queen. I'm more of a service-oriented submissive, which means I love doing housework, pampering, occassionally kneeling. No spanking or cross-dressing--we are just not into it. My job is to pamper, and my enjoyment is seeing that she gets what she demands of me (yes, it's hard to explain). Needless to say, this requires a complete trusting relationship.
> 
> Sex is extremely fulfilling with my wife being pampered and having little pressure to please me, she wants a lot of sex and we make love often (about once every two days, which is good for our age--early 50).
> 
> Despite the fact that it would seem a lop-sided relationship to everyone, it's the most fulfilling period of my life as it satisfies my innermost desire to be the best I can be for one woman. And in my eyes, she's the hottest woman alive.
> 
> What you need to watch out for is what we call "topping from bottom", meaning he is submissive for his kink but not for your wants/needs/desires.
> 
> A true submissive husband will feel joy when he fulfills his wife/Queen needs and desires and she acknowledges his service--that is his source of happiness. Think of a knight and Queen metaphor. Argggg...it's impossible to explain to one who is not, so often we don't even try.
> 
> But my point: Don't dismiss it out of hand. If it festers for so many years, try to work with him. Believe me when I say it won't go away. Either he will find outlet with you, or he will sneak around and find outlets without you.
> 
> Hope that is a helpful perspective.


I was hoping that someone familiar with this would comment 
thx...

Would it be too much to ask...well, to explain a little how, what, when...I still cannot picture anything in my head.
It is difficult because my husband, even without his confession, is fulfilling my needs, desires, whatever...
Not yet to help me start with anything, rather to help me decide...
I am not talking about any kinks, just the everydays life


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## Livia&Olen

Livia&Olen said:


> Since I met my husband, I considered myself the luckiest woman in the world...my husband has been nothing but caring, loving, tolerant, understanding...best person I ever met.
> We fell in love, got married and have been so for the last 26 years.
> We live alone now as our son, our only child, left the household to live with his finacee. Things actually got even better as we have more time for ourselves.
> Lately...well, my husband got even better, all of his virtues I mentioned before got increased by a notch or two and my intuition told me something was changing. As we all are somewhat paranoid, I though he might be cheating on me, feeling guilty and thus getting more and more attentive.
> Until I discovered something...by pure accident.
> I came across few articles that he printed out on paper, articles he found on the net, articles describing a Female Led Relationship!!... And one of those with the title "How to intoduce your wife to Femdom lifestyle"...
> Then I realized that his recent behaviour was of a submissive charachter, rather then just "very nice".
> I was about to confront him with this but first took some time to contemplate on it.
> Since he was actually spoiling me and treating me like a queen for the past 26 years, at some point I actually thoguht that this is just a normal development of our relationship. So I thought why not...if he wants to be submissive and passive to me, I'll let him. Then I confronted him acting a bit offended that he was hiding something from me.
> We are both open minded people, our sex life was always great, we are both imaginative and were able to find ways to spice it up a bit...and yes, we did some roleplaying that included me being dominant in bed but vice versa too...I knew he preferred to be under rather then on top, but I insisted on both ways just to keep some balance.
> However, this is different...when i confronted him with this issue, his answers were not related to bedroom play.
> He said that he was waiting for 24 years to tell me that he, from the bottom of his soul, wants to be my "slave"!!
> How is it possible that I never saw all this within him?
> Being a great husband is one thing but wanting to be someone's slave is completely different.
> I asked him to elaborate this further...as he did, my jaw dropped and stayed that way for hours.
> His idea of living that way is to make me a queen...to obey, to listen, to pamper, to do all the housework...
> On one hand I admit that the idea is quite apealling...on the other hand I don't know is it normal? If it will affect our marriage? If I don't agree will he be unhappy? If I agree, will it change me also? Don't know what to do...


Also, I will show this whole thread to my husband in due time...


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## omega

Here's my take on it, coming from the opposite perspective (my husband and I have a dominant/submissive dynamic but he's the dominant one, not me). This is a lifestyle (meaning, a way of arranging yourselves around each other and the marriage) which is based on sexuality. It's basically a sex thing, to put it simply. The reason people who do this like it (especially the "outside the bedroom" parts of it) is because it turns them on sexually.

So, while your husband loves you and wants to do this with you, the ideal situation for him (and you) would be if he were with someone who ALSO found it a turn-on.

If I (the submissive one) were in your husband's position, I would find it very uncomfortable and NOT a turn-on at all to do this sort of thing with someone who wasn't as turned on by it as I was (or more). 

That's why I checked "no" in the poll above. I think this should be something that both want, otherwise you're welcoming the potential for a LOT of problems. That doesn't mean it can't work for you guys. Obviously after 26 years of happy marriage you aren't going to give up over this. But bear in mind that this is a pretty powerful sexual thing, not him enjoying doing the dishes. He's still human; he probably still hates doing the dishes 

If he's looking at those websites, don't put your head in the sand - this is a SEXUAL thing for him. He might try to tell you it isn't in order not to freak you out. If this doesn't turn you on, you have to face the fact that you might not be sexually compatible. 

Of course after 26 years together, I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. Good luck


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## Livia&Olen

omega said:


> Here's my take on it, coming from the opposite perspective (my husband and I have a dominant/submissive dynamic but he's the dominant one, not me). This is a lifestyle (meaning, a way of arranging yourselves around each other and the marriage) which is based on sexuality. It's basically a sex thing, to put it simply. The reason people who do this like it (especially the "outside the bedroom" parts of it) is because it turns them on sexually.
> 
> So, while your husband loves you and wants to do this with you, the ideal situation for him (and you) would be if he were with someone who ALSO found it a turn-on.
> 
> If I (the submissive one) were in your husband's position, I would find it very uncomfortable and NOT a turn-on at all to do this sort of thing with someone who wasn't as turned on by it as I was (or more).
> 
> That's why I checked "no" in the poll above. I think this should be something that both want, otherwise you're welcoming the potential for a LOT of problems. That doesn't mean it can't work for you guys. Obviously after 26 years of happy marriage you aren't going to give up over this. But bear in mind that this is a pretty powerful sexual thing, not him enjoying doing the dishes. He's still human; he probably still hates doing the dishes
> 
> If he's looking at those websites, don't put your head in the sand - this is a SEXUAL thing for him. He might try to tell you it isn't in order not to freak you out. If this doesn't turn you on, you have to face the fact that you might not be sexually compatible.
> 
> Of course after 26 years together, I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. Good luck


At the moment I cannot say how and if all this is based on sexual as my husband did not put it that way. And frankly, it would be a lot easier for me to comprehend it if it was. As far as it goes for me, I am a quite sexual person and there aren't many turn offs for me in whatever I do with my husband. 
Thinking of being on top, I have to say, it is more of a turn on then a turn off.
However, I am not sure you are right when you say he doesn't like doing dishes and similar stuff just beacuse he is human...quite honestly, if you pay close attention, you might get a feeling he actually enjoys house chores very much...which is very much fine by me


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## omega

Yeah I was probably being a little too absolute there but the point I was trying to make is that there is usually a different motivation behind this behavior, and it's not usually regret over not having gone into the housecleaning business


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## Livia&Olen

omega said:


> Yeah I was probably being a little too absolute there but the point I was trying to make is that there is usually a different motivation behind this behavior, and it's not usually regret over not having gone into the housecleaning business


I understood the point, it should not be too difficult to test if it is sexual or not. 
And easier to understand, too.


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## Lon

Livia&Olen said:


> At the moment I cannot say how and if all this is based on sexual as my husband did not put it that way. And frankly, it would be a lot easier for me to comprehend it if it was. As far as it goes for me, I am a quite sexual person and there aren't many turn offs for me in whatever I do with my husband.
> Thinking of being on top, I have to say, it is more of a turn on then a turn off.
> However, I am not sure you are right when you say he doesn't like doing dishes and similar stuff just beacuse he is human...quite honestly, if you pay close attention, *you might get a feeling he actually enjoys house chores very much*...which is very much fine by me


As a man reading this thread that was serving my purpose as a doormat in my marriage (I was broken and wanting to be completely submissive near the end of it, if she had led me by the hand I would have been a devoted servant) I will just state that, most definitely, this is sexual for him. He looks like he is enjoying housework because in his mind he is hoping it will lead to the reward of sexual gratification. Sure, he may get sex from you the way it has been but for you to lead him is probably more satisfying to him, at least in his current state.

I am not at all into that lifestyle, and was always creeped out by the idea of domination, but amazed how over the course of her selfish behavior combined with my niceguy beta approach I started to feel a deep down, (hormonal?) craving to just be a slave, physically abused even.

For my stbxw that didn't work, because as I found out her urge to submit was probably even larger (based on the evidence and details of the sexual activites with other men I found). She, like you, just didn't want to be the leader all the time.

As for me, I don't mind exploring my own submissive urges and I won't feel shame in it, but I refuse to give into that as a lifestyle so I've been rediscovering what it is to take charge of my own life again - it really does seem like a spectrum sometimes except I think everybody has a subconscious choice where they want to put themselves on it, and it can change over time. So if your H is feeling like this now, why not try out the role as leader, making sure to let him know that if it doesn't work for you the roles will have to go back again.


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## Livia&Olen

This appears to be the biggest disturbance our marriage ever faced. For the past few days we both feel so edgy, me because I think about all this most of the time and he because he is expecting an answer.
So I wonder if our marriage was so great all these years after all...I mean, for me it was but if it wasn't for him then it is not great. I figured we were both equaly happy, I never noticed him display any kind of frustration. There is so many "what ifs" now...
What if take the role for a test period and realize that I just can't do it? Who will be more disappointed, him left cut out from his desire or me unable to deliver?
What if I take the role and I start to like it...or like it a lot? Will I begin to disrespect him and how long it takes to start to feel that way?
What if I decide not to take the leading role? And leave my husband frustrated and unsatisfied? And keep thinking how he probably was frustrated the same way for years?


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## Lon

Don't look back to the past on this, like I suggested, I think our desires gradually shift over time so don't make any assumptions that your H was unsatisfied, or if he was that it was because you failed to do anything. That is all in the past, just focus on the now and try just enjoy your time with him exploring new ideas, you don't have to commit to anything.

If you genuinely start losing respect for him, ask yourself why specifically and get to the root - if you need a man (your H), constantly to be the dominant one in the relationship, or even on "equal" ground that is simply what you need, so try to figure out little things to do to help fulfill his needs - very likely there is pent up desire on his part but once he starts being treated a little differently he may not need the entirety of what he is asking. Just remember you are not responsible for his feelings, only your own - I say just don't be afraid of causing damage to the relationship as long as you two love and trust each other have fun knowing life is sometimes an experiment. I think you may be worrying too much about this, unless of course your marriage is already on shaky grounds from things you haven't mentioned...

And one other thing, if his life is anything like mine (I never proposed such a lifestyle, but realized I could have been close to contemplating it if circumstances were not much different) perhaps he is just craving a break from responsibility - for me I felt like I have had my guard up for almost 2 decades, ever since leaving home to attend university/work - I feel like I have NEVER had anyone that I was dependent on... maybe he just wants to hang up his independence for a little bit to soothe his soul?


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## GL9302

It's motivated by his sexuality, to be sure. So I concur with Omega, although she comes from the opposite end of the spectrum (she being the female submissive whereas in my relationship, my wife is the female dominant).

But sexuality, as Omega can probably concur, is not defined conventionally as sex. For power exchange relationships, you can think of it as intimacy or even sexual intimacy. It has less to do with penetrative or oral sex (although that is always on the menu) and more on the closeness and emotional bond between what is in his mind a beautiful Queen and him as her loyal subject. A submissive can be happy kneeling and massaging his wife's feet (or body) for half an hour while she watches TV...taking pleasure in giving her service and pleasure. That is, to some submissive husband, a great motivator even though it doesn't seem like sex to most people. 

As long as the service act is linked to some sensuality or intimacy aspect, it becomes pleasurable. Like I said, it's hard to explain to those not in it. And while the "pedestalizing" aspect of it may be intimidating, it's gonna be you or some other woman in his fantasy. It's not going away. Your choice to ride this tiger or not.

In my view, you have a choice. It's been a good 26 year run, but may be (I'm speculating) your husband has the same realization as I did. I did my job as parent and provided well and we had a good marriage. But may be it's time for me to live out what I really have been thinking about and suppressing all these years in the name of good parenting and conventional marriage. 

And I love my wife so I took a big gulp and approached her, knowing that the risk of rejection and possibly disgust/ridicule is high. It was a scary step.

What is a normal marriage anyway? After 20+ years, shouldn't two committed people feel safe enough to accommodate one another, conventional notion of normalcy be damnned? (we are not talking about extra-marital relationship or involving a 3rd. Quite the opposite. This "kink" or "fetish" involves to a certain extent an extraordinary amount of bonding and intimacy between you two--to the exclusion of everyone else because of the somewhat taboo subject of seemingly alpha male husband being submissive to his wife in private).

Where it fails is three main areas (in my observation).

1. The husband pushes too hard and the wife gets beyond her comfort zone. It's a jarring thing wanting to change the status quo, especially if the status quo is fine so far. And the wife has the force of convention behind her, which makes it easy for her to toss it back in his face and reject.

2. The husband and wife try it out, but the husband's approach/motive is wrong. He's in it strictly for his "kink", not as a true submissive. In this case, the wife is forever behind the curve, always racing to try to figure out his "kink" to satisfy it. In a true female dominant relationship, the wife calls the shot, and the husband derives his happiness from fulfilling her desires/wants. If he can view it properly as to what motivates his submissiveness, you have a chance.

3) The wife simply can't overcome a conventional view of what a "strong" and "proud" husband should behave, even in private with her. In this case, be prepared for him to live out his fantasy in other ways (examples are porn, visiting dommes, participating in fantasy online forums, etc.). In my experience, once a husband takes the risk to come out to admit to his wife, the desire has been festering for a long time and it's overwhelming. Bottle it up and it is going to go kaboom. Sorry but that has been my observation.


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## GL9302

Livia&Olen said:


> I was hoping that someone familiar with this would comment
> thx...
> 
> Would it be too much to ask...well, to explain a little how, what, when...I still cannot picture anything in my head.
> It is difficult because my husband, even without his confession, is fulfilling my needs, desires, whatever...
> Not yet to help me start with anything, rather to help me decide...
> I am not talking about any kinks, just the everydays life


I don't want to provide masturbatory fantasy for some youngsters but our life is actually quite conventional 80% of the time.

She likes to cook so she continues that. I take out the trash. We do finance together. 

What's different is what motivates me...does this act or what I'm doing something that would bring mental, emotional, physical comfort to my Queen? And more importantly, what makes it satisfying is that my Queen acknowledges her position of power and like Omega said very eloquently, seem to really enjoy her dominance.

And we talk about EVERYTHING.

So for the 20% that is not typical, boring suburban stuff, here it goes.

Morning: I usually wake up before she does and goes make breakfast. Serves breakfast while my wife reads the news and answers her email on her Ipad. Sometimes on the bed, sometimes at the dinner table. Serve with adoration and happiness attitude. Tidy up the kitchen while she eats. Make her favorite cup of tea and mix with water to right temp. After she eats, she moves to the sofa while I clean up and wash dishes. 

Then I bring her the tea, kneeling while we chat for about 30 minutes. She on the sofa enjoying tea, me on my knees. Anything from mundane "Have you read..." to "The car needs oil change" to "Have you heard from junior" to "May I take you out on a date night Friday?" We call this time 100% attention time--my job is to be attentive. She may want a refill or some grapes or she may just want conversation. Kiss her hand to thank her for allowing me to serve her breakfast. 

Off to shower and make the bed (she likes the way I make the bed)

At 9AM, I'm off to work and play corporate warrior. The drive to work transforms me into a hyper-connected, multi-tasking manager, dispensing instructions to staff and reviewing progress, etc. So goes rest of day.

9AM-5PM. Flirty texts...emails...things to keep me connected. She likes about 5-10 emails/texts during the day so I do.

Dinner time: She cooks dinner. I stay in my office to finish up any work I didn't get done at the office. She calls me to set the dinner table.

I set the dinner table and serve dinner that she cooked. We eat and chat. After dinner, same deal. She moves to the couch to watch TV. I clean up and wash dishes and attend to the trash. I make her favorite tea again. Mix to right temp. 

Bring to her and serve on knees when I'm done with dishes and clean up. We watch TV together or we may just chat. Again, this is 100% attention time to her. She often likes a foot massage or sometimes (if I'm really lucky), an all over body massage while watching TV.

Shower time. Every now and then, she "rewards" me with shower chores. That means showering together, pick out her clothes for the night, help with towering, lotion, drying hair. She likes nightly back massage...and if it leads to sex, I usually get the signal. 

Since sex is a big issue in most marriage, I'll address it briefly. She likes me to take the lead most of the time but she has the option of saying no...keep massaging her back or body (which is awesome too). She likes to be the dominant sex partner (by virtue of the fact that she has the veto on what we do or if she suggests Y, we will do Y) but she likes me to do the physical advances and physical leading, if that makes any sense. After 20+ years, I know what she likes anyway.

If we have sex, sex always leads to multiple orgasms for her whereas sex does not always lead to orgasm for me since she decides if my orgasm is "allowed" or not. I've gone to sleep many nights fully aroused while hugging/caressing my wife to sleep after she had multiple orgasms. Am I annoyed? Not really. I love the spiritual/emotional experience of making love to my wife and I know unlike guys my age, my wife is up for sex almost anytime, anywhere--because she knows it's mostly for her benefit and she is under no pressure/resentment that I'm only in it for my quick orgasm (because she decides if I'm going to get one). And she knows I love kneeling on the bed giving her full body massages for as long as she wishes--and if it leads to no sex, I'm content with that. So we do better in the intimacy department than we did before. 

Do I know that I have the money/social stature to go out and get a young hottie? In my case, likely yes. But I like the emotional bond and closeness and the fact that it allows me to relax/unwind after a stressful day by being submissive to the wife I adore. And I know enough to know that I have a more satisfying emotional life for me and my wife (emphasis for me and my wife--others may gag).

What makes it safe for me is my wife constant verbal and nonverbal cues that shows me she respects me, respects my judgment, respects the fact that I am highly competitive/alpha to everyone else and she tells me constantly she feels lucky that I choose to be vulnerable to her. She tells me all the time that she loves me and I'm a great husband. I don't think I would be able to function without this respect.

I hope this is not too much TMI. As I said, most of it (80%) is just boring suburban stuff.


----------



## GL9302

wifeofhusband said:


> Would you consider role playing? A time commitment of one evening to play these roles may help fulfill a desire of his while giving you the ability to try it out but without a commitment to a lifestyle.


Excellent idea.

Pick a Saturday. Tell your husband that from 4PM to 10PM, this is what you want (I would NOT advise you to let your husband tell you what he wants. He derives satisfaction, believe it or not, by virtue of your telling him from a dominant position. Besides, if you are trying to race to satisfy his kinks, you'll always be behind his kink curve. You want him to strive to please you, not the other way around--the latter is too much work for most wives).

You can say you want dinner served, wash dishes, handwash your lingerie, full body massage, kneeling, peeling grapes, whatever else comes to mind. Then tell him to go and make it happen. Plan it to please you based on what you want. Have fun with it.

If he can happily do this and not whine about "you should do this kink for me" and "you should do that kink for me", then it's a positive sign. But you need to have the right attitude ("I'm the Queen. I deserve this simply because I am the Queen. Your job is to please me and thank me for allowing you to please me." It's not about equality--that's not what he wants. Your regal attitude is a huge source of his pleasure).

Try it out one night. He may realize it's more work and it's better left as a fantasy in the mind. Or he may really like it. Or you may really like it. 

The debrief the next day will tell.

Try it one day, what do you have to lose?

If I can recommend some reading, try "Uniquely Rika" on Amazon. There are sites/forums too that are not masturbatory sites and devote toward committed couples in these relationships. Search around.

this is the most I've written on this. Good luck to you.


----------



## Livia&Olen

GL9302 said:


> I don't want to provide masturbatory fantasy for some youngsters but our life is actually quite conventional 80% of the time.
> 
> She likes to cook so she continues that. I take out the trash. We do finance together.
> 
> What's different is what motivates me...does this act or what I'm doing something that would bring mental, emotional, physical comfort to my Queen? And more importantly, what makes it satisfying is that my Queen acknowledges her position of power and like Omega said very eloquently, seem to really enjoy her dominance.
> 
> And we talk about EVERYTHING.
> 
> So for the 20% that is not typical, boring suburban stuff, here it goes.
> 
> Morning: I usually wake up before she does and goes make breakfast. Serves breakfast while my wife reads the news and answers her email on her Ipad. Sometimes on the bed, sometimes at the dinner table. Serve with adoration and happiness attitude. Tidy up the kitchen while she eats. Make her favorite cup of tea and mix with water to right temp. After she eats, she moves to the sofa while I clean up and wash dishes.
> 
> Then I bring her the tea, kneeling while we chat for about 30 minutes. She on the sofa enjoying tea, me on my knees. Anything from mundane "Have you read..." to "The car needs oil change" to "Have you heard from junior" to "May I take you out on a date night Friday?" We call this time 100% attention time--my job is to be attentive. She may want a refill or some grapes or she may just want conversation. Kiss her hand to thank her for allowing me to serve her breakfast.
> 
> Off to shower and make the bed (she likes the way I make the bed)
> 
> At 9AM, I'm off to work and play corporate warrior. The drive to work transforms me into a hyper-connected, multi-tasking manager, dispensing instructions to staff and reviewing progress, etc. So goes rest of day.
> 
> 9AM-5PM. Flirty texts...emails...things to keep me connected. She likes about 5-10 emails/texts during the day so I do.
> 
> Dinner time: She cooks dinner. I stay in my office to finish up any work I didn't get done at the office. She calls me to set the dinner table.
> 
> I set the dinner table and serve dinner that she cooked. We eat and chat. After dinner, same deal. She moves to the couch to watch TV. I clean up and wash dishes and attend to the trash. I make her favorite tea again. Mix to right temp.
> 
> Bring to her and serve on knees when I'm done with dishes and clean up. We watch TV together or we may just chat. Again, this is 100% attention time to her. She often likes a foot massage or sometimes (if I'm really lucky), an all over body massage while watching TV.
> 
> Shower time. Every now and then, she "rewards" me with shower chores. That means showering together, pick out her clothes for the night, help with towering, lotion, drying hair. She likes nightly back massage...and if it leads to sex, I usually get the signal.
> 
> Since sex is a big issue in most marriage, I'll address it briefly. She likes me to take the lead most of the time but she has the option of saying no...keep massaging her back or body (which is awesome too). She likes to be the dominant sex partner (by virtue of the fact that she has the veto on what we do or if she suggests Y, we will do Y) but she likes me to do the physical advances and physical leading, if that makes any sense. After 20+ years, I know what she likes anyway.
> 
> If we have sex, sex always leads to multiple orgasms for her whereas sex does not always lead to orgasm for me since she decides if my orgasm is "allowed" or not. I've gone to sleep many nights fully aroused while hugging/caressing my wife to sleep after she had multiple orgasms. Am I annoyed? Not really. I love the spiritual/emotional experience of making love to my wife and I know unlike guys my age, my wife is up for sex almost anytime, anywhere--because she knows it's mostly for her benefit and she is under no pressure/resentment that I'm only in it for my quick orgasm (because she decides if I'm going to get one). And she knows I love kneeling on the bed giving her full body massages for as long as she wishes--and if it leads to no sex, I'm content with that. So we do better in the intimacy department than we did before.
> 
> Do I know that I have the money/social stature to go out and get a young hottie? In my case, likely yes. But I like the emotional bond and closeness and the fact that it allows me to relax/unwind after a stressful day by being submissive to the wife I adore. And I know enough to know that I have a more satisfying emotional life for me and my wife (emphasis for me and my wife--others may gag).
> 
> What makes it safe for me is my wife constant verbal and nonverbal cues that shows me she respects me, respects my judgment, respects the fact that I am highly competitive/alpha to everyone else and she tells me constantly she feels lucky that I choose to be vulnerable to her. She tells me all the time that she loves me and I'm a great husband. I don't think I would be able to function without this respect.
> 
> I hope this is not too much TMI. As I said, most of it (80%) is just boring suburban stuff.


 This is a input I was hoping to hear, thanks a lot.
Actually sounds like something every woman should be comfortable with...as long as it stays on the same level.
This is also why I will show my husband all these posts in due time, perhaps that way he will be able to find his levels within all this...

One day of role play ...hm
Yes, that might be the right way to put us both to test...


----------



## Texas_Sub

Livia&Olen said:


> This appears to be the biggest disturbance our marriage ever faced. For the past few days we both feel so edgy, me because I think about all this most of the time and he because he is expecting an answer.
> So I wonder if our marriage was so great all these years after all...I mean, for me it was but if it wasn't for him then it is not great. I figured we were both equally happy, I never noticed him display any kind of frustration. There is so many "what ifs" now...
> What if take the role for a test period and realize that I just can't do it? Who will be more disappointed, him left cut out from his desire or me unable to deliver?
> What if I take the role and I start to like it...or like it a lot? Will I begin to disrespect him and how long it takes to start to feel that way?
> What if I decide not to take the leading role? And leave my husband frustrated and unsatisfied? And keep thinking how he probably was frustrated the same way for years?


As a sub husband myself, let me throw in a few thoughts;

*I don't think you said that he said that the previous years have been 'bad', just that he is interested in adding a new 'twist'.

*If you feel comfortable taking this role for a 'test drive', please do. He will be grateful that you tried. There are so many different variations on this D/s theme that there is no 'right' one... the right one is what works for you two.

*There is a FLR (female led relationship) site that discusses the 'five food groups' or 'areas' of influence in a marriage. The site is badly written and the poor grammar and spelling are a real distraction, but the 'idea' of the areas of influence and negotiating who is in charge of what is worth considering. You may decide to be 'in charge' of certain areas by simply delegating that entire arena to him (finance or landscaping or housework or whatever) and asking him to give you monthly reports. No effort for you and yet he may get his desire in that area fulfilled by that simple arrangement.

*If you are interested, ask him to show you what web sites / books he has found that express his interests.

*The How to Worship Your Wife website is also worth a visit. It may help you understand that you need not 'lose respect' for your man if you look at his service more like a Queen and Her Knight. The Queen rules the Kingdom and the Knight carries out Her bidding, keeping Her on Her Throne by his gallant service.

*On the 'sexuality' issue, when my Wife 'commands' me to do the laundry or wash the floor, it makes that everyday activity sexual for me. Not that I am having an orgasm in the laundry room, but the feeling that I am doing as She commands is just hot. We still have 'normal' sex, this is just another avenue that spices things up a bit.

He has shown great trust in you by being open about this with you. Educate yourself and take it slow and everything will work out in the end. :smthumbup:


----------



## LFC

Texas_Sub said:


> As a sub husband myself, let me throw in a few thoughts;
> 
> *I don't think you said that he said that the previous years have been 'bad', just that he is interested in adding a new 'twist'.
> 
> *If you feel comfortable taking this role for a 'test drive', please do. He will be grateful that you tried. There are so many different variations on this D/s theme that there is no 'right' one... the right one is what works for you two.
> 
> *There is a FLR (female led relationship) site that discusses the 'five food groups' or 'areas' of influence in a marriage. The site is badly written and the poor grammar and spelling are a real distraction, but the 'idea' of the areas of influence and negotiating who is in charge of what is worth considering. You may decide to be 'in charge' of certain areas by simply delegating that entire arena to him (finance or landscaping or housework or whatever) and asking him to give you monthly reports. No effort for you and yet he may get his desire in that area fulfilled by that simple arrangement.
> 
> *If you are interested, ask him to show you what web sites / books he has found that express his interests.
> 
> *The How to Worship Your Wife website is also worth a visit. It may help you understand that you need not 'lose respect' for your man if you look at his service more like a Queen and Her Knight. The Queen rules the Kingdom and the Knight carries out Her bidding, keeping Her on Her Throne by his gallant service.
> 
> *On the 'sexuality' issue, when my Wife 'commands' me to do the laundry or wash the floor, it makes that everyday activity sexual for me. Not that I am having an orgasm in the laundry room, but the feeling that I am doing as She commands is just hot. We still have 'normal' sex, this is just another avenue that spices things up a bit.
> 
> He has shown great trust in you by being open about this with you. Educate yourself and take it slow and everything will work out in the end. :smthumbup:


Would you let you wife have sex with another man while you are tied up as slave?


----------



## scione

LFC said:


> Would you let you wife have sex with another man while you are tied up as slave?


Yes, and after that I'll burn them both alive. :rofl:


----------



## Laurae1967

GL9302 said:


> I don't think that this is too far out. Do a little internet search and you'll discover a lot of men with this kind of kink or fetish or whatever you call it.
> 
> It's not easy for a husband to come out and admit this as it is completely against what societal norms are for men. You should take it as a compliment that he feels safe enough to tell you his innermost and most vulnerable feelings/desires.
> 
> Ironically, usually the desire is most prominent among men who are in positions of power or have heavy responsibilities at work. Often times, they will simply visit dommes (primarily because they have the money and time to), leaving the poor wife clueless.
> 
> I'm in such a relationship with my wife and I usually just lurk but I feel compelled to sign up and point out that don't dismiss it out of hand. I confessed to her about five years ago and it took a year or two to "tune" it but we are steady and enjoying it now.
> 
> My point is if you suppress it or not allow him to express his nature, it will just resurface in some other forms, possibly without your participation. Do you want that?
> 
> To those who would be repulsed by a husband's desire to be submissive to his wife, I'm a high earning business owner. I manage a lot of employees and to my kids, I'm the picture of the alpha male successful dad. They have no idea and now they are in college, they still have no ideas.
> 
> 
> 
> Our kids have moved out as well and now we can be more open (at home) with our relationship. Behind closed doors, my wife is the Queen. I'm more of a service-oriented submissive, which means I love doing housework, pampering, occassionally kneeling. No spanking or cross-dressing--we are just not into it. My job is to pamper, and my enjoyment is seeing that she gets what she demands of me (yes, it's hard to explain). Needless to say, this requires a complete trusting relationship.
> 
> Sex is extremely fulfilling with my wife being pampered and having little pressure to please me, she wants a lot of sex and we make love often (about once every two days, which is good for our age--early 50).
> 
> Despite the fact that it would seem a lop-sided relationship to everyone, it's the most fulfilling period of my life as it satisfies my innermost desire to be the best I can be for one woman. And in my eyes, she's the hottest woman alive.
> 
> What you need to watch out for is what we call "topping from bottom", meaning he is submissive for his kink but not for your wants/needs/desires.
> 
> A true submissive husband will feel joy when he fulfills his wife/Queen needs and desires and she acknowledges his service--that is his source of happiness. Think of a knight and Queen metaphor. Argggg...it's impossible to explain to one who is not, so often we don't even try.
> 
> But my point: Don't dismiss it out of hand. If it festers for so many years, try to work with him. Believe me when I say it won't go away. Either he will find outlet with you, or he will sneak around and find outlets without you.
> 
> Hope that is a helpful perspective.


I loved this post! Thank you for sharing. I totally agree. You have a loving husband and to be honest, it does not matter waht "society" thinks ("society" thinks a lot of stuff that is whacked and lacking in human compassion and morals). Let your love for your husband be your guide. Obviously it can work, as this poster just shared. Not everyone has the emotional or intellectual brain space to comprehend of anything beyond their own narrow view of the world. Don't let them dictate what YOU think.....cuz what you think is the only thing that matters.


----------



## that_girl

Laurae1967 said:


> I loved this post! Thank you for sharing. I totally agree. You have a loving husband and to be honest, it does not matter waht "society" thinks ("society" thinks a lot of stuff that is whacked and lacking in human compassion and morals). Let your love for your husband be your guide. Obviously it can work, as this poster just shared. Not everyone has the emotional or intellectual brain space to comprehend of anything beyond their own narrow view of the world. Don't let them dictate what YOU think.....cuz what you think is the only thing that matters.


Just because people have differing opinions doesn't make them narrow minded or stupid 

I said what I felt for ME. What other people do in their marriage is hardly my business to tell them it's wrong...unless they ask my opinion, in which case I'll give it.


----------



## GL9302

LFC said:


> Would you let you wife have sex with another man while you are tied up as slave?


This is silly. 

This is why we often don't bother to explain. The best answer I can give is it's satisfying for both of us--and we keep it private from the kids, the neighbors, and the co-workers. Precisely because of this attitude. 

I knew these posts will bring out the masturbation-inclined set. I'm surprised it took 2 pages.


----------



## that_girl

GL9302 said:


> This is silly.
> 
> This is why we often don't bother to explain. *The best answer I can give is it's satisfying for both of us*--and we keep it private from the kids, the neighbors, and the co-workers. Precisely because of this attitude.
> 
> I knew these posts will bring out the masturbation-inclined set. I'm surprised it took 2 pages.


Then that's all that matters!


----------



## LFC

GL9302 said:


> This is silly.
> 
> This is why we often don't bother to explain. The best answer I can give is it's satisfying for both of us--and we keep it private from the kids, the neighbors, and the co-workers. Precisely because of this attitude.
> 
> I knew these posts will bring out the masturbation-inclined set. I'm surprised it took 2 pages.


Thats all very good but the question was not aimed at you . Plus your fantasy is not my fantasy.


----------



## Livia&Olen

LFC said:


> Would you let you wife have sex with another man while you are tied up as slave?


If my husband would ever mention something like that, then I'd be worried he had some serious mental problems and start thinking about a divorce.
That is something I would never even consider talking about, so I consider it spam in this thread...
I know, to each his own...


----------



## Livia&Olen

GL9302 said:


> This is silly.
> 
> This is why we often don't bother to explain. The best answer I can give is it's satisfying for both of us--and we keep it private from the kids, the neighbors, and the co-workers. Precisely because of this attitude.
> 
> I knew these posts will bring out the masturbation-inclined set. I'm surprised it took 2 pages.


Then lets not allow our posts to bring out such sets...


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## Livia&Olen

Anyway, I decided to give it a two days trial...still don't know when as I need to be prepared and educate myself further.
Afterall, if I am to be the Queen of the Castle, I need to know what I am doing and to make a complete fool out of myself


----------



## Texas_Sub

Livia&Olen said:


> Anyway, I decided to give it a two days trial...still don't know when as I need to be prepared and educate myself further.
> Afterall, if I am to be the Queen of the Castle, I need to know what I am doing and to make a complete fool out of myself


You simply cannot make a fool of yourself. The Queen is NEVER wrong!

Do what feels fun to you. Whatever it is that makes you smile or giggle or gets you hot, he will love it. :allhail:


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## Livia&Olen

Texas_Sub said:


> You simply cannot make a fool of yourself. The Queen is NEVER wrong!
> 
> Do what feels fun to you. Whatever it is that makes you smile or giggle or gets you hot, he will love it. :allhail:


Easy for you to say...afterall, it appears you have been on your knees for quite a while:FIREdevil:


----------



## GL9302

Livia&Olen said:


> Anyway, I decided to give it a two days trial...still don't know when as I need to be prepared and educate myself further.
> Afterall, if I am to be the Queen of the Castle, I need to know what I am doing and to make a complete fool out of myself



Good for both of you.

Personally, I'd try one evening first, or even just part of one evening.

Or just one thing consistently for a week (example: make the bed for a week, get your clothes and wait to towel/lotion/dry your hair for a week, etc.)

Gives you guys a chance to ease into it and adjust mentally to something new and keep it from being overwhelming. Two days to start out may be...a bit overwhelming for one or both of you.

Other than that, avoid the fantasy type of S&M sites during your research--they have nothing to do with real life by real couples with real world issues/concerns.

good luck to you both.


----------



## Laurae1967

that_girl said:


> Just because people have differing opinions doesn't make them narrow minded or stupid
> 
> I said what I felt for ME. What other people do in their marriage is hardly my business to tell them it's wrong...unless they ask my opinion, in which case I'll give it.


:scratchhead:Ummmmm, I'm not sure why you think everything is about you, but my comments were general and had nothing at all to do with you, as hard as that may be for you to believe.


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## Laurae1967

Opinions are like a$$holes....everyone's got one!


----------



## that_girl

Laurae1967 said:


> :scratchhead:Ummmmm, I'm not sure why you think everything is about you, but my comments were general and had nothing at all to do with you, as hard as that may be for you to believe.


I wasn't taking it personal. I was just saying it generally as well  And the OP asked opinions. lol. Opinions are just that...opinions. It doesn't make one closed minded or stupid just because they don't agree with you. Your posts seem to usually have that train of thought though.


----------



## Livia&Olen

GL9302 said:


> Good for both of you.
> 
> Personally, I'd try one evening first, or even just part of one evening.
> 
> Or just one thing consistently for a week (example: make the bed for a week, get your clothes and wait to towel/lotion/dry your hair for a week, etc.)
> 
> Gives you guys a chance to ease into it and adjust mentally to something new and keep it from being overwhelming. Two days to start out may be...a bit overwhelming for one or both of you.
> 
> Other than that, avoid the fantasy type of S&M sites during your research--they have nothing to do with real life by real couples with real world issues/concerns.
> 
> good luck to you both.


Well...I figured that perhaps his imagination, his fantasies might be just much bigger then his actual ability to be what he wants to be. So if I start immediately on a more difficult level, he might beck up and realize that it is not really what he wants...

And thx...


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## morituri

Sometimes fantasies don't live up to expectations after they become reality.


----------



## steve34az

It has been almost a year since your last post. I was wondering how everything worked out. I hope all is well.


----------



## tonyarz

my wife is very dominant. She has to control everything in the relationship. I knew this going in. I just roll with it.


----------



## Coffee Amore

I know this is an old thread another person bumped up. I too wonder how the original poster is faring.




that_girl said:


> If my husband wanted me to take that role, I'd be repulsed. He is such a strong man both mentally, sexually and emotionally. He leads this family. If he laid that on me, i'd rather be single. Yuck.


Same here. If my husband wanted to be my slave and me his "Queen", with me dominating in a 24/7 power exchange lifestyle, it would a complete turn off for me too. I know other people enjoy this particular fetish, kink, lifestyle what have you, but it would do nothing for me except maybe want to leave the marriage.


----------



## Lon

Coffee Amore said:


> I know this is an old thread another person bumped up. I too wonder how the original poster is faring.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Same here. If my husband wanted to be my slave and me his "Queen", with me dominating in a 24/7 power exchange lifestyle, it would a complete turn off for me too. I know other people enjoy this particular fetish, kink, lifestyle what have you, but it would do nothing for me except maybe want to leave the marriage.


good to see old fashioned gender differences are alive and well.

Wish someone would have told me that, my dad was the strong silent type too bad his constant drinking and absence to hang with his buddies showed a personality I didn't role model after, so instead I role modeled after my emotional mother. I have a lot of strength, women's strength it seems - when I read tonyarz' post I even felt a sense of jealousy. I don't mind being strong and stable (I'm actually more effective at it than most "manly men" who lead), but I FEEL like I can barely lead my own life let alone be responsible to lead some woman's. I certainly don't want to, I guess that is not very universally attractive in a man.


----------



## waiwera

Yep... I like my man to be a manly man. 

Like Tarzan with me as his Jane. 

A reversal would turn me off too.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Lon said:


> good to see old fashioned gender differences are alive and well.
> 
> Wish someone would have told me that, my dad was the strong silent type too bad his constant drinking and absence to hang with his buddies showed a personality I didn't role model after, so instead I role modeled after my emotional mother. I have a lot of strength, women's strength it seems - when I read tonyarz' post I even felt a sense of jealousy. I don't mind being strong and stable (I'm actually more effective at it than most "manly men" who lead), but I FEEL like I can barely lead my own life let alone be responsible to lead some woman's. I certainly don't want to, I guess that is not very universally attractive in a man.


I'm just speaking for myself.  
I just don't find a submissive man attractive. If I can dominate someone all day long, I am not going to be attracted to him. Whilst I have natural bossy tendencies (my mother told me I should have called my email address "[email protected] :rofl, that's a whole different can of worms from orgasm denial, kneeling in front of me, and other matters discussed in earlier pages of this thread. Just not my cup of tea. Different strokes for different folks.


----------



## WyshIknew

Yep wifey can be a bit bossy too, what do you expect, she's a woman.:rofl:

When she starts getting her bossy head on I just usually say something like "oi, pack it in what's wrong" We then talk about what the problem/s are.

On the sub thing I saw a post on a site somewhere where this woman had been asked to be the dom in the relationship, but when she criticised his driving he reared up at her:scratchhead: these things obviously need some setting up/boundaries to make it work.


----------



## tqbartleby

I came across this thread after an Internet search.

I've been very happily married for thirty years. I've always been devoted to her, nice, supportive. Our relationship is one of mutual respect, trust, and admiration. Our sex life has been continually satisfying and we've always been able to break out of a rut through imagination, energy, and the fact that we have never stopped being attracted to one another. We both have full-time jobs; mine is more technical, and I am sort of a contributing expert rather than a manager or mover and shaker. My wife manages a small team but above all has a top position at her company, responsible for a large budget and for driving profits and accruing prestige for the company. Both of us have been successful, her more so, and she has a larger salary. 

I recognized that I have a submissive nature long ago, and shared aspects of it with her. She was interested, tolerant, not judgmental or freaked out, but had not reached a point where she could really go along with it. I, however, remained convinced that she had a dominant streak waiting to come to the surface.

We had a couple of short-lived attempts at a dominant/submissive relationship over the years. They were fun for both of us but somehow didn't have the impetus to continue through normal disruptions of routine and normal "emergencies" of life. But recently we've gotten back into it. And this time it's working.

One thing that is particularly successful is the sexual aspect. Without going into detail, in order to respect the forum rules, let me just say that in our developing set-up she is achieving physical release a lot more often than previously, whereas for me it is quite the opposite. And she controls these things. This has the effect of increasing our sexual energy considerably.

I have long done my share or more of the housework, but now it is steadily increasing. In addition, I no longer question her initiatives and instead help her achieve them without delay. 

For example, she decided that a certain piece of furniture needed to be installed in a certain place. This involved going to the hardware store and buying some fittings, drilling holes in the wall, getting it all set up, cleaning up afterwards. Once upon a time I would have resisted this, because I wasn't convinced it was a good idea and because it was a bit of a tedious chore. Eventually, she would have gone ahead and gone to the store and put things in place, then I would have done the lifting and drilled the holes, and she would have tidied up afterwards.

But now when she said she wanted this to be done, I voiced my reservations and, when she was unconvinced by them, I did it all that same day. 

Another example: I have a lot of CDs and listen to them all the time. As a result, I have stacks of CDs lying around because I don't bother putting them back each time. We both agreed this was a lot of clutter that I should tidy up, but because it's a boring task I hadn't gotten around to in weeks, and indeed it had grown. In our recent dynamic, she told me I had until a given day to tidy them up. And I did. She was delighted, and I was too, because she was.

Recently we had houseguests for a few days. We had had dinner together and everyone had collectively cleared the table. The pots and pans needed cleaning, and a big stack of dishes, glasses and cutlery was next to the sink, needing to be rinsed and put in the dishwasher. She glanced at me and casually snapped her fingers. I hopped to it. Our guests didn't notice a thing but she liked the power and I liked the submission. 

We're developing it day by day, together. To those ladies in the thread who say they would be repulsed if their husband wanted to behave this way, I say: in all likelihood, that is why you wouldn't have married such a man to begin with. These things don't have to be consciously recognized or stated; long before they are clear to the individuals involved, they are there, and shape compatibility or incompatibility.

In addition, a couple can be flexible enough to give such an arrangement a try, and then revert to previous habits if it doesn't bring mutual satisfaction. Most of our life together is unchanged. Work, daily affairs, meals (I was the sole cook 95% of the time anyway), social life, outings... we still relate to each other the way we always have, but the newly formalized relationship of dominance and submission is like an extra dimension that makes everything more fun and exciting. The key is to be flexible, low key, and always tolerant. The strength of our marriage, our love, is what makes it possible to experiment with these roles and make them real, rather than fantasy. It is an expression of our personalities that we are lucky to be open and self-aware enough to carry out.


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## Lon

Tq, you are satisfied, but do you believe this formal arrangement is truly satisfying for your W? She is dominating at work, now she is dominating in the bedroom and the home, when does she ever not have to be the dominant one and does she ever get a break from being the ultimate responsible party?


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## soulsearch

Huh. Back in my day we called that puzzywhipped.


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## Caribbean Man

tqbartleby said:


> We're developing it day by day, together. To those ladies in the thread who say they would be repulsed if their husband wanted to behave this way, I say: in all likelihood, that is why you wouldn't have married such a man to begin with. *These things don't have to be consciously recognized or stated; long before they are clear to the individuals involved, they are there, and shape compatibility or incompatibility.*
> 
> In addition, a couple can be flexible enough to give such an arrangement a try, and then revert to previous habits if it doesn't bring mutual satisfaction.


I can see this is an old thread , but I find the discussion and the responses,
Interesting.

I understand, and agree with the premise of your statements.

I have never tried that lifestyle arrangement , but you are correct, IMO. It all comes down to a couple's compatibility.

Insecure people generally fight over power in relationships.

Like I have said before, any type of power arrangement can work , if both parties wholeheartedly agree. Whether its a man taking the leading role a woman taking the leading role , they switch roles often or nobody takes the leading role.

What is important is respect for each other , recognize each other as equals and reciprocity in the relationship.


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## Tony Conrad

That lifestyle puts me off completely even though I enjoy being spanked by my wife erotically speaking.

But to be a submissive and a slave Ugh! Something must be wrong somewhere. He needs to learn to lead I think.


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## Miss Taken

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

The kneeling before me thing is what would turn me off the most. Other than that, it's not that big of a stretch to me but I'd still prefer a more equal relationship.

I really wish the OP would chime in again and say how things went. It was an interesting read for me.


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## minebeloved

To be honest I think it would change your relationship in a bad way. It's nice to be pamper every once in a while, but this seems like it's crossing a line.


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## Coffee Amore

The thread is from 2011, so they must have embarked on this by now. I wish the OP would update us on how it's going.


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