# My wife filed for Divorce now what do I do?



## ttorfin (Feb 26, 2009)

I was served papers last week by my wife for Divorce. I am so lost on what to do. I have two kids 4 and 7 that mean everything to me. She does not want to share joint physical custody she wants me to see them every other weekend and on Wednesday for two hours. So I get 48 overnights a year and I want us to do where I get them Monday, Tuesday, she gets them Wednesday, Thursday and every other weekend. That way they would be with me for 5 days, her 5 days, then 2 with me and 2 with her. She said no its not what I want the kids do not need to be back and forth. I have hired a lawyer and I was wondering what else should I be doing. I cannot believe this is actually happening. It is sad that your life with someone else, all that you have been through comes down to what is on 25 pages of paper. I am begging her to go to counseling and hold off on the divorce but it is sad that we have not even attempted to do that.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Without knowledge of why the divorce was initiated we'll stay on topic with the children. If you are both in close proximity to one another and in the same school system, then you have a very good chance of shared parenting but it would probably be more of one week with you and one week with her and you split the school holidays and breaks.

If she is unwilling to go to counseling you might consider going yourself. Whatever you choose to do, fight for the kids, if you don't want or can't get custody, make it a point to push for and attain shared parenting. I am not an advocate of the father only seeing his children three or four days every two weeks, especially if the parents live in the same school district and have means to take care of the children.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Preacher,

Unfornuately that is the usual child visitation award Sat/Sun 8-5pm and for special child events. So 8 days a month, remember you have the other parent schedule.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

No, not necessairly...those are the "gudielines" that some courts follow but depending on the circumstances they are not always followed.

My best advice would be to go to mediation and have the visitation and support set-up that way but a lot of people don't like that route. It can also depend on the reason for divorce...

Fathers have more rights and a better chance to get more favorable visitation, I'm saying simply, don't roll over just because there are "guidelines" I didn't, and I was awarded custody of my children 10 years ago...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Preacher,

Also the state you are in can be father friendly or not.

Such as NYC is not father friendly regardless of reason for divorce.


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## ttorfin (Feb 26, 2009)

I will do whatever it takes to be with my kids. They are the most important thing to me in all of this. I live in MN so I just wish she would have some compassion since I am the one that is losing everything, my house, etc.. I just want to be with my kids. That is why I wish some how we could work it out and stay married and put our energy into getting our marriage fixed. I guess it is hard when someone doesn't have feelings for the other but at least give me a chance.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i'm a big supporter of "if the father is great w/ the kids and wants to be in their lives, then he should have as much custody as the mother." i would never tell my husband he couldn't see our daughter when he wanted, and if we get divorced we're both insisting on as equal custody as possible. right now my husband only has 1 overrnight every 2 weeks (strictly for scheduling reasons, not that i won't let him have more) this summer, if he wants her for more overnights, that's fine. he does get to see her everyday though

talk to your lawyer, as long as you want your kids something can be worked out. there are too many fathers out there that want nothing to do w/ their kids, and judges know this


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, here is some help for you in Minnesota, you can help yourself by being educated about what can happen as opposed to just letting it happen. Just because she is the mother doesn't mean you can't get more than the "state guidelines" especially if you and your wife can come to an agreement.

Minnesota Child Custody Laws

You have options and the best one would be to get a lawyer who specializes in custody rights for the father.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## jodavin (Apr 27, 2009)

you did not tell us whether you were the cause of the problem. i suggest you check yourself first then if you are the cause them you accept your mistake and apologize to her, if that could not work look for somebody she listens to to talk to her or you go for marriage council. above all if you are a christian you pray god can touch her.

But you have to do some thing for the sake of those innocent children i believe she will change her mind. i wish you the best.

jodavin 
member


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Dads are important too! 

The best scenario is to try to live in the same neighborhood as they do. Next, is the same school system.

As far as visitation, the best scenario is flexibility. Perhaps dad picks them up from school and mom picks them up from his house a few hours later. Weekends can be divided. However, this is not always ideal depending upon how you get along and whether your putting the kids in the middle. Also, the ages of the children make a difference. If they are old enough, the flexibility is very important. They have a life too (friends, activities, sports)!


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