# To the women who hate porn...



## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

More specifically, the women who won't "LET" their man watch porn...grow up. This isn't the 1950's ladies. It's 2010...quit making unreasonable ultimatums...you set women back 50 years every time you do. I'll give up porn when you give up gossip


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

You know, i guess it all starts with you sneaking around to watch porn. That's the first thing that sets the alarm bells of. I'm female and i personally enjoy porn and have watched it for years. Still, as soon as I caught my husband watching it (after 8 years of being married to him and not knowing he did that), alarm bells went off.

This was followed by insecurities like "am i not pretty enough","is he missing something from me"....etc. Again, i'm not conservative, i enjoy porn as well, i know exactly what it means to me and i know i don't look at it because i want to go running out the door jumping on some random hot male. But i figured, if he did such a good job at hiding it, he must be doing something wrong, right?
Fyi, not all women gossip


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

BlazinD said:


> More specifically, the women who won't "LET" their man watch porn...grow up. This isn't the 1950's ladies. It's 2010...quit making unreasonable ultimatums...you set women back 50 years every time you do. I'll give up porn when you give up gossip


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

i think women generally "hate" porn coz by watching porn, they feel as if they're lowering their standards to those who make money from selling their flesh...


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

i agree with OP.. it may be blunt but they are right.. there is nothing wrong or bad about watching porn. in my 8 plus years of being married, my hubby does NOT watch porn for the ladies on there, he watches them to get ideas to use in the bedroom. To try something new.. He admits he is a visual kind of man, and i do not blame him, the woman in porn ( as well as the guys) are not what he likes, he likes the ideas, just like when a woman watches/reads soap operas for the "ROMANCE" ( like i BUY into that) the men watch porn for the fantasy style.. come on woman wake up, do you see men complaining about us woman watching all the "DRAMA" and "SOAP OPERA's" on TV and saying "What, am i ( the man) not good enough for you?" .." Am i not sexy enough for you"?! UH NO!! 


And dont tell me that watching porn VS Soap Opera's is different.. its not! Have you all seen the SO's these days? they are filled with more sex scenes, cheating on spouses seen that ever!! Sure they dont SHOW the actual event, but YOU KNOW that hot steamy man is GONNA BANG that "poor *innocent woman"

So, i agree, wake up and allow the men to be men and have their version of "Soap Opera's"!!!


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

misspuppy said:


> there is nothing wrong or bad about watching porn.


Completely agree.


> in my 8 plus years of being married, my hubby does NOT watch porn for the ladies on there, he watches them to get ideas to use in the bedroom.


Yep. What i was trying to say is that some women have no idea what porn means for their men, and that's why it feels threatening. The first conclusion women jump to is that men watch porn for the ladies on there (and some do). In my own personal opinion, that's not a bad thing either. I guess most women complaining about porn don't feel as important as they should be in their men's eyes?


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## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

Nekko said:


> You know, i guess it all starts with you sneaking around to watch porn. That's the first thing that sets the alarm bells of. I'm female and i personally enjoy porn and have watched it for years. Still, as soon as I caught my husband watching it (after 8 years of being married to him and not knowing he did that), alarm bells went off.
> 
> This was followed by insecurities like "am i not pretty enough","is he missing something from me"....etc. Again, i'm not conservative, i enjoy porn as well, i know exactly what it means to me and i know i don't look at it because i want to go running out the door jumping on some random hot male. But i figured, if he did such a good job at hiding it, he must be doing something wrong, right?
> Fyi, not all women gossip


1. Men shouldn't have to "sneak-around" to watch porn.

2. Why do you think he was sneaking in porn? Cause you'd be angry with him? Or maybe he was shy and wanted to keep it private? Or maybe it was the content of his porn he didn't want you to know about?

3. Why do you watch porn then? To get horny, get off etc? Thats why I watch it. It turns me on and gets me off. I couldn't imagine rubbing one out without it...I mean how could I? What would I use..lol. I hear some women say they watch for educational (positions etc) purposes...please! LOL.

4. Can't a man be turned on by a hot chick getting banged without wanting to go out and find a random hot chick to bang? I mean...when my SO watches a porn I don't think she is going to go get showered and go look for a sweaty, muscle-bound, 10inch hung stud for the evening...that is a lil ridiculous...


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## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

OK let me put it this way...for me and for most men (I assume) porn is our "toy" for masturbation. It's a tool an aid...nothing more. Ladies read into it too much...over analyze it. Without porn how would men masturbate? Seriously...would we sit on the couch in alone in silence and rub one out? That scenario would be more weird than any porn I have ever seen.


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## ayala605 (Oct 15, 2010)

My husband and I recently got married but now are in a long distance relationship because i'm trying to finish school. I just got into a long argument with my him about watching porn. The topic came up because in class a few friends were discussing how all guys watch porn no matter wat. I can understand before getting into a serious relationship but after getting married I wouldn't expect my husband to be watching it and I straight up told my friend that theres no way my husband watches it...well they all thought i was being naive.
Little did i know when i talked to my husband that night about it, he told me he does...but rarely...not as much since we got married. He didnt watch it at all wen we were together but after i left he watches it every now and then. Im having trouble accepting this. He got mad that I didnt appreciate his honesty...i mean its nice that hes honest but still hes getting aroused by another woman and how am i supposed to be ok with that??


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## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

ayala605 said:


> My husband and I recently got married but now are in a long distance relationship because i'm trying to finish school. I just got into a long argument with my him about watching porn. The topic came up because in class a few friends were discussing how all guys watch porn no matter wat. I can understand before getting into a serious relationship but after getting married I wouldn't expect my husband to be watching it and I straight up told my friend that theres no way my husband watches it...well they all thought i was being naive.
> Little did i know when i talked to my husband that night about it, he told me he does...but rarely...not as much since we got married. He didnt watch it at all wen we were together but after i left he watches it every now and then. Im having trouble accepting this. He got mad that I didnt appreciate his honesty...i mean its nice that hes honest but still hes getting aroused by another woman and how am i supposed to be ok with that??


Read my above post about porn being used as an aid/tool in masturbation. Also, he is more attracted to the act of sex in a porn than the actual chick in the porn...at least that's the way it is for me. Men like sex...men like to masturbate. Answer me this: Do you expect your husband to stop masturbating now that you are married? If so, that is unreasonable. If you are OK with him masturbating what is he suppose to masturbate to? That is the big question....what are men you aren't allowed to watch porn but allowed to masturbate suppose to masturbate to? 

Nobody should EVER tell their SO they aren't allowed to masturbate...that is wrong on so many levels. Controlling, psycho much?


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

I think a number of women can't handle their husbands/partners watching porn as they feel insecure and threatened by him watching women that may have better bodies than them or are younger ect, as it some how makes them feel inferior and that they are not good enough to satisfy their partners needs. I also think that most people watch it to watch the "act" rather than stars in the film ( I know I do) but I guess it really just boils down to a case of each to their own.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

BlazinD said:


> 1. Men shouldn't have to "sneak-around" to watch porn.


:iagree:


> 2. Why do you think he was sneaking in porn? Cause you'd be angry with him? Or maybe he was shy and wanted to keep it private? Or maybe it was the content of his porn he didn't want you to know about?


I think the because he was shy and wanted to keep it private. I know this will sound odd, but from a person who does absolutely everything else in front of me, i found it odd that he didn't mention it in what's now 9 years of marriage. I completely understand why he'd want to keep it private, but a "hey, i watch porn once in a while" would've been nice. I would've left it there. 



> 3. Why do you watch porn then? To get horny, get off etc? Thats why I watch it. It turns me on and gets me off. I couldn't imagine rubbing one out without it...I mean how could I? What would I use..lol. I hear some women say they watch for educational (positions etc) purposes...please! LOL.


Well, you could use your mind and fantasize. In any case, yes, i use it to get horny and get off. Most of us have moments when we're tired, want to be by ourselves, want to avoid the extra complication of being with a partner. I completely agree with what you said above. Because i find it so normal, i thought there was more to it because he was hiding. Make sense? 



> 4. Can't a man be turned on by a hot chick getting banged without wanting to go out and find a random hot chick to bang? I mean...when my SO watches a porn I don't think she is going to go get showered and go look for a sweaty, muscle-bound, 10inch hung stud for the evening...that is a lil ridiculous...


They obviously can. The point i'm trying to make is some women have no idea what porn is. They're brought up to think it's dirty. Then, they discover their man looking at beautiful, naked women. They don't know how men feel about this. Then they think "if i was enough for him, he wouldn't need to look at other women", completely missing the point that the man is probably looking for a quick relaxing form of release after a long day of work, rather than forplaying the wife for two hours. That's why i'm saying, yes, it's not ok for women to hate porn, but maybe their men can explain to them that their thinking is wrong. 



Star said:


> I think a number of women can't handle their husbands/partners watching porn as they feel insecure and threatened by him watching women that may have better bodies than them or are younger ect, as it some how makes them feel inferior and that they are not good enough to satisfy their partners needs. I also think that most people watch it to watch the "act" rather than stars in the film ( I know I do) but I guess it really just boils down to a case of each to their own.


Exactly what i was trying to say. the woman will get insecure, throw a tantrum. The man will think she's insane, not understanding the real reason behind her hate for porn. The reason is that she doesn't feel valued anymore. She compares herself with the younger, beautiful women on screen and the insecurity of being left for such a woman (on a very deep level) sets in. 



> Ladies read into it too much...over analyze it.


Exactly. Because things that are unknown are quite scary . Like little kids who are afraid of the dark. What the mind doesn't know, it makes up, and it can come with some pretty extreme scenarios sometimes. Again, everything you said is completely right. Women shouldn't fear or hate porn. But maybe men could help by occasionally explaining to their wives that they have no reason of being threatened by the porn.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I watch porn to learn skills and get ideas. 

I am not threatened by them. Their fake boobs are actually not as good as mine. I actually want them to be beautiful and sexy, I don't get aroused by watching chubby and ugly chicks. 

My husband was interested in amateur stuff. A few days after we got married, I found porn stuff on our computer, I told him not to watch it alone, we could watch it together. But I don't like amateur stuff, I like professional stuff. Amateur ones are not beautiful enough for me. 

If we are confident about ourselves and our marriage, we don't need to be worried about porn. 

They are just porn! 

Thank them for getting your man aroused and fxxx you hard. I get horny after watching porn, the only man I want to fxxx is my husband. Same thing, when your man is horny, the only woman he can fxxx is you.

If your man doesn't want to fxxx you after he watches porn, then something is wrong with your relationship, not porn's fault!


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> ...If your man doesn't want to fxxx you after he watches porn, then something is wrong with your relationship, not porn's fault!


u missed out another possibility - bad porn!!!


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## honeypie (Oct 13, 2010)

Porn today is different from years ago. I still find most of it distasteful and degrading to women, but today, it's their choice. It's only pics or vids, not another person, so no big deal to me. It's when he gets some stupid idea from a porn that upsets me, like wanting to shoot all over my face. I told him , only if I could make him cum on his first.
He can watch it, just don't expect me to act like some little pornactress. I look at it myself at times, so I am not one to complain.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

honeypie said:


> Porn today is different from years ago. I still find most of it distasteful and degrading to women, but today, it's their choice. It's only pics or vids, not another person, so no big deal to me. It's when he gets some stupid idea from a porn that upsets me, like wanting to shoot all over my face. I told him , only if I could make him cum on his first.
> He can watch it, just don't expect me to act like some little pornactress. I look at it myself at times, so I am not one to complain.


:rofl:

You make me remember one incident. 

One time my husband tried to shoot on my face, he just wanted to try, he thought it would be interesting. 

I let him do it, but my non porn star reaction with all the come on my face grossed him out, he told me he will never try it again!!!

:rofl:

Sometimes we just need to satisfy their curiosity!!! They might not find it interesting after they try it. They are just curious!!! 

Treat them like curious children. Satisfy their curiosity!!!


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I have to admit. The attraction to me is not to get ideas i watch if for the visual aspect (t and a) aspect. That is like saying you like playboy for the articles..partially true but, come on..really. 

As for hiding many men simply want to watch certain parts, get aroused or maintail arousal for a period then release themselves. Since are conditioned to touch ourselves simultaniously perhaps we want to do this in private. Yes you can do it for us but sorry it is not the same. Many men don't "watch" most of a porn movie. They usually fast forward to the "good stuff" rewind fast forward. Perhaps they think it may make you feel insecure to know what really gets them off. Perhaps he is turne on by the girl who is totally opposite of you etc. 

Regardless the reason for hating porn by most women is because: 

It lessens their value in the relationship if porn/masturbation can serve as a release women cannot use sex as a motivator.

It can make them think they don't measure up. Female porn stars may have the IQ lower than of a hammer but, are typically have great bodies/faces and may make them insecure to see their H get arroused by them.


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## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

Little off-topic but funny...OK so I consider myself a very open-minded guy...so the wife asks me one day: "Where do you cum when you masturbate"? I was shocked at how uncomfortable her question made me feel...doesn't sound like a big deal but I did not want to tell her...felt too private I suppose...So guys what you say to your wife if she asked you...where do you cum when you masturbate?


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## NeedSpace (Sep 17, 2010)

Haha i already know where mine does, because he's a slob he occasionally "forgets" to throw away the crusty paper towel. Yes gross i know!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband seldom masturbates, if he does, it is during my period. I watch him masturbate, then he leaves a puddle on my chest.


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## Braelynn21203 (Oct 4, 2010)

NeedSpace said:


> Haha i already know where mine does, because he's a slob he occasionally "forgets" to throw away the crusty paper towel. Yes gross i know!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

my husband has done this a couple times. lol.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I like porn. It's the annoying noises the girls make I don't like...


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## BlazinD (Oct 15, 2010)

Idontknownow said:


> I like porn. It's the annoying noises the girls make I don't like...


I'm a guy and I hate that too. Their loud wailing is not only a distraction but rather annoying as well. 

That's why I have been watching a lot of homemade porn lately. Not my personal homemade pron, rather porn that has been uploaded by couples, ex's etc. That's real sex. I love watching a wife give her man a BJ. It's funny though because you can instantly spot the wives you love giving BJ's (anal too) and the ones that tolerate it


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

BlazinD said:


> Without porn how would men masturbate? Seriously...would we sit on the couch in alone in silence and rub one out? That scenario would be more weird than any porn I have ever seen.


 This is what christian boys are expected to do, only in this are they not "sinning". I am not saying I agree with that at all, just wanted to throw that in here as you asked this question. I doubt many *honest* christian guys can do it though! I bet many shamefully fall many many times before they marry.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

BlazinD said:


> More specifically, the women who won't "LET" their man watch porn...grow up. This isn't the 1950's ladies. It's 2010...quit making unreasonable ultimatums...you set women back 50 years every time you do. I'll give up porn when you give up gossip


For a lot of women, including myself, it's not the porn that bothers us, but the fact that the husband would rather watch it and get off to it and hide it, instead of doing the wife. 

Otherwise, I watch porn too sometimes, it's not a big deal.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

There is evidence of pornographic things even 35,000 years ago.

No internet then.

Venus of Hohle Fels: PREHISTORIC PORN


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

BlazinD said:


> I'll give up porn when you give up gossip


ya, i definitely see how thats the same thing :scratchhead: probably should have gone with romance films or romance novels.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have no issues with porn. 

If you've read any of my other posts, my issue is "if" your husband or SO is watching porn and ignoring or turning down sex with you - then IT BECOMES AN ISSUE for the wife or SO. Especially if the wife or SO is willing and wants sex but the husband would drather watch porn.

If the porn is more important than the "real-life" contact with your wife or SO, then porn is more than just a masturbation aid and has become a replacement for the actual physical act of being intimate with your wife or SO.

I like porn just as much as the next person, but do I use it to replace intimacy with my husband - NO, I use it to enhance it - a big difference.

And by the way, what makes you think that men have a corner on the market with masturbating? Do you think all men like sex better than women? Don't you think women masturbate and masturbate to porn? I know I do...I couldn't be the only one.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I have no issues with porn.
> 
> If you've read any of my other posts, my issue is "if" your husband or SO is watching porn and ignoring or turning down sex with you - then IT BECOMES AN ISSUE for the wife or SO. Especially if the wife or SO is willing and wants sex but the husband would drather watch porn.
> 
> ...


thing is, most who admit to masturbating to porn are men and not women, hence, the generalisation


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

tjohnson said:


> I have to admit. The attraction to me is not to get ideas i watch if for the visual aspect (t and a) aspect. That is like saying you like playboy for the articles..partially true but, come on..really.
> 
> As for hiding many men simply want to watch certain parts, get aroused or maintail arousal for a period then release themselves. Since are conditioned to touch ourselves simultaniously perhaps we want to do this in private. Yes you can do it for us but sorry it is not the same. Many men don't "watch" most of a porn movie. They usually fast forward to the "good stuff" rewind fast forward. Perhaps they think it may make you feel insecure to know what really gets them off. Perhaps he is turne on by the girl who is totally opposite of you etc.
> 
> ...


LOL you've got some valid points.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

First I don't mind my husband watching pron. I had different feelings between watching pron with my husband and watching pron by myself. 
When watching pron by myself, it made me enjoy pleasing myself in my own fantasies, watching pron with my husband, I sensed a small task in between. We wanted to be a copycat or not?
It's fun watching pron together to learn something new and share the excitements, but once in a while, I really enjoy watching pron and getting myself off in private. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Yes, sometimes women can be more uptight when it comes to sex than men, but a lot of women do masturbate and some pretty regularly.


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## Dadeo (Oct 2, 2010)

This post became a lot longer then i intended. read it or not, roast me for it or not. it is, and remains, one mans opinion.


I am not gonna lie here, One of the most disappointing and saddening things i have found on this website is the ridiculous, knee jerk, low self esteem, poor me attitude that women on here have about Pornography.
Right now we are going to remove from this discussion those that truly have a problem. The guys who skip work in order to watch porn, the guys who will leave a wet, wanting woman in bed and run to the bathroom to jerk off to a magazine. ok, got it? so we are talking about reasonable normal healthy well adjusted people in the world today...

Just the phrase “I caught my husband watching porn” is asinine. Ok, so you caught him, wow, good for you, when was he going to watch it? Was he going to drop you a text message and let you know?
“He hides it from me…” Oh My God. Why does he do this??? Look at your reaction! 
“It makes me feel insecure” Come on, do you really believe that the man who married you who may even have kids with you seriously looks at the women in porn and expects you to be what they are? Seriously? You are his WIFE. Each and every person in the world has and indulges in sexual fantasy. Do you really believe that you are the one and only focus of his every sexual thought? Get real. Am I the one and only thing in my wifes mind when she masturbates? God I hope not. The imagination is supposed to be allowed to run free from time to time. It is one of the things that keeps us sane. And allows us to achieve balance in life and expand our own mind.
Do men want to act out some of what they see in film. Sure why not. What is so wrong with an occasional facial? Oh yea I forgot, “its degrading to women”. Why is that? Because we as a society have labeled it that way! It is an act of intimate sexuality between two consenting adults. No more and no less, any other connotations we want to attach to it is YOUR issue, not mine, and not the guy out there who finds the act exciting. (as well as some women I have known over the years) Anal sex? Role playing, dress up. Do we really believe that these things only became prevalent thanks to porn? Read a book people, writers have been referring to these things in roundabout ways for hundreds of years, there are even positions described in the kama sutra, (an ancient text that has been dissected, picked apart and repackaged up for the north american, instant gratification wanting masses) that are specifically for anal. The idea that sex is dirty is a societal construct that WE have created, That WE have perpetuated, and that WE have allowed to define us.
Pornography is not what it once was. For many people porn is not even about the fact that people are screwing on camera. There is a visual and sensual appeal to some of it that is in no way unhealthy or violent. Don’t believe me? Fine, Go rent a dvd called “Sacred Sin” by a director named Michael Ninn. Or for that matter, go rent any one of the films done by another director named “Andrew Blake”. I dare you, I double dare you. Is it going to happen? I seriously doubt it because lets face it, most people and many women in specific simply do not allow themselves to let go of their own attitudes, issues and prejudices enough to actually experience anything in life that does not fit into their little labeled box called “comfort zone”.
We are a society that only stopped burning witches a little over a hundred years ago. We live on a continent that was founded and settled by religious zealots. We allow our children to be babysat by a big screen tv, even tho a percentage of them finish school unable to read and write. We let kids play first person shooter games where violence is not only tolerated but encouraged. We shoot each other in the streets for a pair of shoes. We use facebook, myspace, twitter and yes, sites JUST LIKE THIS ONE to insulate ourselves from the world and not have to actually physically interact with people. We can get a divorce so easy now it does not even have repercussions, we don’t have to really work at our marriages or step outside our comfort zone, because there is a whole world around us that we can blame it on.
Yep, with all this around us, all this that we have created, it is porn that’s destroying the world, it is porn that drags our relationships into the dirt. Porn is taking your man away from you. Sure, why not.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Porn is one kind of adult entertainment. Some people like to share viewings with their partners some people just don't feel comfortable and prefer to watch without wife/husband being around.
So, it's an issue of personal preference. Other entertainments like, going to strip clubs and adult shows, gay shows, pussx talent shows, cocx drumming shows... I watched so many kind of them with my husband. I don't mind if he watched pron and jerk off. When you're more than 18, it's legal to watch pron. Who said after you're married, it becomes illegal? Pron is really no big deal. Pron is made for every adult's entertainment and curiosity. The more the wife opens up her mind, the less the husband becomes addicted to pron, I guess. I love to watch pron when I'm horny and my husband is not around. Pron helps me release the beast in me. LOL


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Dadeo said:


> This post became a lot longer then i intended. read it or not, roast me for it or not. it is, and remains, one mans opinion.
> 
> 
> I am not gonna lie here, One of the most disappointing and saddening things i have found on this website is the ridiculous, knee jerk, low self esteem, poor me attitude that women on here have about Pornography.


Leaving out the people with "problems" as you said, then yes, you are completely right. It is somewhat annoying for women to have this kind of attitude towards their men watching porn. But you have to understand that some if not most of the women on this forum have problems in their relationships . If you asked me, before my marriage became sexless, is porn bad? I'd have answered : nope...it's pretty freaking great, for me and my husband. 
Even now, the reasonable part of me knows that porn has nothing to do with any problem in my relationship. It's just there, like it used to be and it's a visual form of arousal for both of us when we just want to be by ourselves. But problems in relationships make people more insecure and they have to point that insecurity at something, blame it on anything else but themselves or their partners. Make sense? 
Even now


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Nekko said:


> Leaving out the people with "problems" as you said, then yes, you are completely right. It is somewhat annoying for women to have this kind of attitude towards their men watching porn. But you have to understand that some if not most of the women on this forum have problems in their relationships . If you asked me, before my marriage became sexless, is porn bad? I'd have answered : nope...it's pretty freaking great, for me and my husband.
> Even now, the reasonable part of me knows that porn has nothing to do with any problem in my relationship. It's just there, like it used to be and it's a visual form of arousal for both of us when we just want to be by ourselves. But problems in relationships make people more insecure and they have to point that insecurity at something, blame it on anything else but themselves or their partners. Make sense?
> Even now


It does make sense. When we're insecure, we want to find as many as possible to blame on our husbands. Just something small and dumb that able to make him admit his mistakes, for example, football games.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadeo (Oct 2, 2010)

Please dont get me wrong here. I am not trying to ridicule women who feel hurt, let down, insecure or injured. I am saying that we would be better served by looking at our relationship rather then picking the easy target. I would strongly suspect that in relationships where it becomes an issue it is more of a symptom then a cause. 
A very wise woman i knew many years ago told me that one of the best things a woman can do to educate herself about her man is watch his porn collection. Want to know what excites him and what turns him on? I promise you that somewhere locked away in his porn preferances, you will find it. But BEWARE! Make sure you actually want an answer, not just sexual validation.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Dadeo,
It certainly sounded like you were trying to ridicule. You made a blanket statement about "the women on here" and that we are all guilty of knee jerk reactions, low self esteem and poor me attitudes. What you fail to recognize is that the women on this board come here for advice because of their troubled marriages. If it was perfect, they wouldn't be here. So a marriage is already in trouble and for many, porn is adding fuel to the fire. Needless to say, you are not going to get many positive responses from the women on this board if you post pro-porn messages telling us all the get over it and that because many of us don't want to do what is done in porn it is OUR issue. As the wise Dan Savage always says when a man insists on a particular sex act...."you first".


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Brennan said:


> telling us all the get over it and that because many of us don't want to do what is done in porn it is OUR issue.


:iagree:

It all boils down to respect for YOUR spouse's wishes and what is acceptable in YOUR marriage. Porn was an issue in my marriage and I'd further agree with Brennan that it was adding fuel to the fire of what where the core issues between me and my wife. She didn't "discover" it, I told her about it when we were discussing our failing marriage, her EA, my lack of attention to her. Porn was never an addiction in our case. Once or twice a month I used it for release as our sex life was in the crapper too. Does my wife have self image issues, yes she does and when she told me how the use of porn made her feel it broke my heart. I never intended it to be in competition with her or for her to feel hurt that I might have been thinking of it while with her. But I gained empathy through listening to her side of it and I promised her I'd quit. Sure, I stubbed my toe a couple of times (and confessed) but it is out of the relationship now. I still get tempted on occasion but I just think of those conversations and the hurt in her eyes and move on. Its about respecting her wishes, just as she respects mine.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amp,
You are a King among men.

Lot's of things are acceptable in my marriage and I am up for almost anything bedroom wise. Many aren't though and I think it is dangerous to suggest that those who aren't are conforming or some how narrow minded/religious zealots/prudes and it is their issue and theirs alone to deal with. 
I have mentioned here before that 20 years ago I did one film during a troubled time in my past. It was your garden variety porno. That was the norm then. It is pretty disturbing to think what is considered "normal" now. At what point is the envelope going to stop being pushed and at what point will men stop trying to get women to go along with the moving envelope?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Now speaking strictly for myself because I can't pretend nor do I want to categorize all women and all men into one group...porn is not a problem for me, but it becomes a problem when my husband uses it as what "I feel" (and remember I'm posting here, so its what "I feel", not what you, my husband or anyone else feels) is a replacement. And if that's how "I feel" then it doesn't really matter what his reasons are. 

And I agree, if you want to know where he's leaning, look at his porn history - my husband's porn history has revealed a lot - some I didn't want to know and some I was surprised to learn - but is that my fault? 

I've had a very open marriage as far as sexual experimentation and discussion goes - but if he decided not to "open" up to me - then that doesn't make my lack of insight or knowledge my fault. And - its sort of like starting the game and changing the rules halfway in...if porn existed in your marriage from the beginning and you had limits (i.e., no strip clubs alone, etc.), then how fair is it if one of the spouse's changes the rules 10-15 years in and decides that's okay now, so is chatting up sex with total strangers on the internet, etc., because I'm a man and its part of my instinct...give me a break. 

I actually like porn - but I don't use it as a replacement for my intimate relationship with my husband. In other words, the only time I masturbate is when he isn't willing to participate or is tired, sick, etc., and actually says he's not interested. No way would I say no, then leave the room and go off and masturbate. And there are a lot of married spouses doing that these days (just look at the threads here).

And while a LOT of men/women do not expect their spouses to look like the porn stars, a lot of them compare them to the porn stars - whether they mean to or not.

I mean seriously - how many women on here (tell me ladies if I'm wrong), have ever heard or had a friend who's boyfriend or husband said "how come you can't look like that?" Because I've had 3 kids and I'm 50 - I'm not 25 and haven't had implants and no kids and a nose job and hair laser removal, etc., etc.

So yes - I think men would be quite insecure too if us women were comparing them to the huge porn guys we see on the internet. But - you don't have many women doing that - do you?

So comparing the two is like comparing apples and oranges. Excuse the rant, but this really hit me wrong - I'm going to use one of your analogies - "I find it rather disturbing that all the "men" who come to this site are constantly trying to make excuses for surfing the internet for porn and not paying attention to or spending that time improving the relationship with their wives!"

Okay...I feel better now!


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Dadeo said:


> A very wise woman i knew many years ago told me that one of the best things a woman can do to educate herself about her man is watch his porn collection. Want to know what excites him and what turns him on? I promise you that somewhere locked away in his porn preferances, you will find it. But BEWARE! Make sure you actually want an answer, not just sexual validation.


Right...i tried that (i'm asshamed of it because it was invading his privacy but..oh well). What i discovered is that he just looks at photos of lots of naked women on the same page. That's it. By the looks of it, i've actually started believing what he says (that he's really not that interested in women but he looks at porn because occasionally he physically needs to get off). No porn on his PC (even i have some in case our net connection crashes one day ) ), no mags (i was the one who used to buy Playboy back in the day - i was starting out as a journalist so i bought a lot of different types of mags - they all ended up in the trash cause he said it's pointless to keep them around.)

It was after we had a talk and he sorta explained what he was doing, a light bulb went off and things started making sense. 

Before that, after 1 and a half years of being without sex, the first thing that went through my head when i saw what he was looking at was "oh god, he's bored and wants someone else...more someone elses". The fact that i sat around this forum, saw what a large percentage of men were quite interested in sex, bored with their marriage and hiding the details from their wives didn't help either. When you actually notice how many people hide things from their spouses, obviously your blind faith in your own spouse goes away. So again, porn is not an evil thing that breaks up marriages but it's by far the easiest to tag as a "problem" that may be leading to a sexless marriage especially if its hidden. As far as i'm concerned, my husband could come home, throw a porn mag on the table and tell me he's going to the bathroom to take care of himself because he's not in the mood for sex. I'd be completely fine with it. If i were to see him hiding mags, however, that would definitely annoy me.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

My husband and I watch porn together but not that often and I don't want him going to strip clubs or watching porn without me. I understand the concept that men need a visual aid but this disturbs me since it means the man who needs porn to masturbate has zero imagination. I'd think my husband and I have done enough to satisfy his imagination for a lifetime and we're only a quarter way through our lives together.

Maybe I'm naive, high maintenance, demanding...I don't really care. My husband is sexually perfect for me. It's the one thing I can rely on in our marriage and I really hope it doesn't change. He doesn't masturbate and ironically he won't get a hard on while watching porn unless we start becoming intimate together and we've watched all types of porn. I do masturbate and porn actually does make me more horny than it does him but it's more of a background noise from time to time than a pronounced part of our life.

My point...? Maybe men should get more down into their own sex lives and out of the fantasy sex life they have so that their actual sex life can become better than the fantasy. Men complain about lack of sex so often or a woman who is not interested in them. Well, duh!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Trenton said:


> I understand the concept that men need a visual aid but this disturbs me since it means the man who needs porn to masturbate has zero imagination.


:iagree:


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## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

Nekko said:


> *You know, i guess it all starts with you sneaking around to watch porn.* That's the first thing that sets the alarm bells of. I'm female and i personally enjoy porn and have watched it for years. Still, as soon as I caught my husband watching it (after 8 years of being married to him and not knowing he did that), alarm bells went off.
> 
> This was followed by insecurities like "am i not pretty enough","is he missing something from me"....etc. Again, i'm not conservative, i enjoy porn as well, i know exactly what it means to me and i know i don't look at it because i want to go running out the door jumping on some random hot male. But i figured, if he did such a good job at hiding it, he must be doing something wrong, right?
> Fyi, not all women gossip


that in bold is what it boils down to for me. I've found my H sneaking behind my back to watch or look at porn, while I get neglected- NOT FARIGGIN COOL. Ill watch it all dy with him, dont even care if he watches it by himself but dont ignore my needs to pound your hound all by yourself.
and yes indeed- not all women gossip- Id certainly rather have sex.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Have watched countless pron and musterbated countless times with pron. Should I feel guilty? Because I jerk off by watching other men naked since I was 18 ? Because I'm more than 18, actually 36 already, a legal age to watch as much pron as I like, including live adult shows and strip clubs. 
I don't mind if my husband watched pron and jerk off for his own fun. It's better he jerk off with pron than with web cam to cyber sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MzAdventure (Oct 24, 2010)

i agree with nekko. im a female and i enjoy porn. we watch it together all the time. but if you sneak around watching it, it will def cause an issue


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## geekchick (Oct 23, 2010)

BlazinD said:


> More specifically, the women who won't "LET" their man watch porn...grow up. This isn't the 1950's ladies. It's 2010...quit making unreasonable ultimatums...you set women back 50 years every time you do. I'll give up porn when you give up gossip


lol. I see nothing wrong with it... I would rather my man watch porn then go messing with another woman.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> :iagree:
> 
> It all boils down to respect for YOUR spouse's wishes and what is acceptable in YOUR marriage. Porn was an issue in my marriage and I'd further agree with Brennan that it was adding fuel to the fire of what where the core issues between me and my wife. She didn't "discover" it, I told her about it when we were discussing our failing marriage, her EA, my lack of attention to her. Porn was never an addiction in our case. Once or twice a month I used it for release as our sex life was in the crapper too. Does my wife have self image issues, yes she does and when she told me how the use of porn made her feel it broke my heart. I never intended it to be in competition with her or for her to feel hurt that I might have been thinking of it while with her. But I gained empathy through listening to her side of it and I promised her I'd quit. Sure, I stubbed my toe a couple of times (and confessed) but it is out of the relationship now. I still get tempted on occasion but I just think of those conversations and the hurt in her eyes and move on. Its about respecting her wishes, just as she respects mine.


I am new here and I just had to join to post a thank you to this poster.

It's really late here.... I can't sleep. Its my birthday and I am crying as I type.

I really wish that I could trust my husband and that he had enough will power to respect my request that he stop watching porn.

We have been married for almost 5 years but dated for 10.

I don't blame pornography itself. I blame myself for not being good enough to keep my husband from looking at it.

I feel like he is cheating. I feel like every time we have sex he is comparing me to porn stars. I can't help but compare myself and feel insecure about my body.

I feel like I have told him how bad it hurts me when he watches porn. I feel like I have made myself pretty clear.

He says he will stop but then he doesn't. again and again and again.
I can't trust him.
And I can't seem to get over it. Every time, I forgive him....but in the back of my mind I am still hurt and angry. I really wish it didn't bother me so much, but it makes me crazy.

I guess we are bored with each other. Having sex with the same person for 15 years can get old.

I am afraid our marriage is over. How can you be with someone you can't trust or with someone who disrespects you over and over?

A lot of my self esteem is tied up in wanting to be attractive to my husband. This it makes me feel ugly and unwanted when I see that he has been watching porn. Especially when he won't even try to have sex with me anymore, and when he does it seems like he just wants to get it over with and that it is a chore for him.
My heart is breaking. I feel so alone. I feel like I am disgusting to him.

The worst part is every time I try to talk to him about it we end up having a fight.

I mean, I have put on some weight since we met when I was 17. My body has changed, but I am not huge, just a little thicker but still nicely proportioned.. In fact, I didn't really feel bad about my body until this porn thing came up.
He has changed too....but his physical image never meant that much to me, since I am attracted to him as a person, and I have always known that looks will fade.

When I want sex or even just a little attention he falls right asleep. Weeks go by and no intimacy whatsoever, but then I look at the computer's history and he is watching porn nearly every chance he gets when I am not around.

I mean, how can I fix this, if I now associate sex with judgement and betrayal? How can I make it better if I can't trust him? What can I do if my insecurities about myself are further reinforced by his behavior?
What can I do if he would rather watch porn than put a little effort into making our real life sex life more interesting and satisfying?

Is it too much to ask that I be the only woman he gets sexual gratification from? 



Gah!
I just needed to type that out.
FYI- I don't judge people who enjoy porn....it just hurts me and my marriage. I have no problem with masturbation either, I just don't understand why it has to be done to the detriment of my marriage.


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## kati (Nov 9, 2010)

Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I am new here and I just had to join to post a thank you to this poster.
> 
> It's really late here.... I can't sleep. Its my birthday and I am crying as I type.
> 
> ...


Don't you dare feel bad about yourself! My husband and I have had this battle a few times this year. Our 1st year of marriage. Had I known about this before, I would not have married him, but I do not intend to dishonor my vows (unlike he is.) Don't beat yourself up! Just toughen up. I went about this the same way at first. Sad, depressed, and felt bad about myself. Then I started looking at sex toys that may spice things up. Well, take my advice and buy yourself one! Then, you won't care how much porn he watches, because you won't need him anymore (other to help with the bills and maybe to have someone to go w/ for dinner. haha!) Women should not fear porn, men should fear vibrators! We can have everything they will never have, and its better! 

Many of my friends are going through the same thing. Men don't realize it makes eventually hate them! I told my husband to keep it up. I will hate his guts and become the hateful and uncaring wife he always wanted. I will never look at him again like I used to. It is really ashame that they take that away from themselves. It is a much deeper and more satisfying love than their computer will ever give them. Direct your love to yourself! Love yourself!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

kati said:


> Women should not fear porn, men should fear vibrators! We can have everything they will never have, and its better!
> 
> Many of my friends are going through the same thing. Men don't realize it makes eventually hate them!


I'm confused. So you hate your man because he jerks off to porn. But you see yourself masturbating with a vibrator as a great thing?

Maybe if you were not so angry the two of you could reconnect.

BTW, as you know from your own experiences, whatever thing a person uses it is to enhance fantasy and sensations to get off. 

The problems arise if doing so interferes with the connections to a spouse. By that I do not mean the mere indulging in it, be it porn or vibrators. If it results in no intimacy with a spouse on a satisfying level of frequency.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

michzz said:


> I'm confused. So you hate your man because he jerks off to porn. But you see yourself masturbating with a vibrator as a great thing?
> 
> Maybe if you were not so angry the two of you could reconnect.
> 
> ...


:iagree: wholeheartedly with your last paragraph.

And that's where the problem comes in...and men are so busy oogling it they don't have a clue.


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## kati (Nov 9, 2010)

michzz said:


> I'm confused. So you hate your man because he jerks off to porn. But you see yourself masturbating with a vibrator as a great thing?
> 
> Maybe if you were not so angry the two of you could reconnect.
> 
> ...



Great post, but let me clarify, had my husband not been using porn behind my back, I would not have even tried a vibrator. I think that my post may come across differently than it sounds in my mind. 

There is nothing about a vibrator that I fantasize about. I am far past being angry. at my husband. I past that a long time ago. I am angry that BlazinD expects women to "Grow Up" and take it. A woman will never win the porn argument. You are b*tch for finding it, and a b*tch for not wishing him to watch it. It is no win situation. Good for you, if you have a wonderful marriage. Congratulations. Consider yourself lucky! 

Like I said, I am past the anger stage. I am done trying tell my husband how it makes me feel, or all that BS. Emotions and feelings don't matter to those who do not have any, or guilty, and will not change. So cheers to those who take matters into their owns hands!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

kati said:


> Great post, but let me clarify, had my husband not been using porn behind my back, I would not have even tried a vibrator. I think that my post may come across differently than it sounds in my mind.
> 
> There is nothing about a vibrator that I fantasize about. I am far past being angry. at my husband. I past that a long time ago. I am angry that BlazinD expects women to "Grow Up" and take it. A woman will never win the porn argument. You are b*tch for finding it, and a b*tch for not wishing him to watch it. It is no win situation. Good for you, if you have a wonderful marriage. Congratulations. Consider yourself lucky!
> 
> Like I said, I am past the anger stage. I am done trying tell my husband how it makes me feel, or all that BS. Emotions and feelings don't matter to those who do not have any, or guilty, and will not change. So cheers to those who take matters into their owns hands!


I think you're not as past the anger as you write that you are. I'm sorry for that.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

kati said:


> Great post, but let me clarify, had my husband not been using porn behind my back, I would not have even tried a vibrator. I think that my post may come across differently than it sounds in my mind.
> 
> There is nothing about a vibrator that I fantasize about. I am far past being angry. at my husband. I past that a long time ago. I am angry that BlazinD expects women to "Grow Up" and take it. A woman will never win the porn argument. You are b*tch for finding it, and a b*tch for not wishing him to watch it. It is no win situation. Good for you, if you have a wonderful marriage. Congratulations. Consider yourself lucky!
> 
> Like I said, I am past the anger stage. I am done trying tell my husband how it makes me feel, or all that BS. Emotions and feelings don't matter to those who do not have any, or guilty, and will not change. So cheers to those who take matters into their owns hands!


Have to agree with you on the last paragraph. Emotions and feelings don't matter to those who do to have any and will not change. That pretty much sums it up!

I think she's past the anger stage - she's in the acceptance, he doesn't give a damn so neither do I stage - I recognize that stage personally.

Perhaps all the men who complain that their wives don't want sex and all the women who complain their husbands don't want sex need to swap out and hook up! :lol:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Have to agree with you on the last paragraph. Emotions and feelings don't matter to those who do to have any and will not change. That pretty much sums it up!
> 
> I think she's past the anger stage - she's in the acceptance, he doesn't give a damn so neither do I stage - I recognize that stage personally.
> 
> Perhaps all the men who complain that their wives don't want sex and all the women who complain their husbands don't want sex need to swap out and hook up! :lol:


It's been suggested before.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

michzz said:


> It's been suggested before.


Well maybe somebody's onto something there!

Unfortunately they'd have to look like my hubby or it wouldn't work...I know, I got it bad (even after 25 years), too bad he doesn't have "it bad" back.


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