# Type A personality Vs Nice Guy Syndrome



## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

Can the two exist in harmony? I'm 44 a elite athlete. Skydiver, blah blah blah, no guts no glory. If you want blood you got it. Thats me.
But after years of yelling griping and trying to change my lazy wife who is evolved into your typical, no blow job, boring cold sex once monthly wife; I gave in. She can't cook, I cook clean up, laundry on my weekends. She cleans and does laundry on her days off. I massage her back every stinking night. No return for me even after a 14hr grueling day. I fetch her this fetch her that. Ive told her im not her friggin b*&ch but i still end up doing it. For once I'd like a drink in bed etc. 
Sex use to be great 6yrs ago. Couldnt keep you mouth of my unit, she'd even wake me up giving me head. The past two yrs she grimaces when i even ask for a bj. I gave up on that. 
Now when we have sex she expects me to kiss her, ravish her and screw her til she cums. This whole session not a single touch to the shaft, and she never does. I have to take her hand and place it on my shaft. Great huh.
Bottom line is i really dont care what people think of me because I'm really secure about me and who I am. But I have allowed my wife to turn me into a PW punk bi$#. I don't whine and she has never seen my cry, nor shall she ever.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Well I guess you’ve to take good care of your liver and make up your mind if you can tear yourself away from that rock or not.

Reminds me of the story of the guy constantly trying to push a rock up the hill. Once the rock wasn’t there anymore he didn’t have a clue what to do with his life.

So how does your life look to you without your wife in it?

Bob


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Bob,

Are women really this bad?

Are they really this difficult? 

I am confused and lost.

I don't think that women are this difficult. 

What happened to them? 

What happened to modern women?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Bob,
> 
> Are women really this bad?
> 
> ...


It takes two to tango GP. You are putting "blankets of behaviour" on "All Women". That is seriously not good.

You are way over generalising.

Bob


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Well I guess you’ve to take good care of your liver and make up your mind if you can tear yourself away from that rock or not.
> 
> Reminds me of the story of the guy constantly trying to push a rock up the hill. Once the rock wasn’t there anymore he didn’t have a clue what to do with his life.
> 
> ...


Thanks Bob. Well indeed, I have imagined many times that picture with no wife. If served tomorrow, I'd want to know if there was another man and if so how long. Once those two facts and only two known, bye bye, no tears. In a month I'd be ok again. I'd have a sense of freedom but also a feeling of loss of a friend. You're right in a sense that I'd would be looking for the rock, I guess. Honestly, I don't know how much this marriage can take. 
Greenpearl? No all women are not like mine! I've read some of these posts about men (crying like a punk) whining because their wife aren't sucking them the way they want or not enjoying anal. Give me a freakin break! Guys, try a month with this type of woman and see how happy your sex life is. I have turned to porn on some occasions (no im not someone who looks at it all day) just to remind me what I use to have with other women and even my wife at one point. Pitiful state of affairs.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Prometheus -- Didn't I read somewhere that you said your wife had been an alcoholic and had also gotten help about 3 years ago, right around the time the sex started to suffer?? Its entirely possible I mixed you up with another poster, but if that was your post, do you think that has something to do with it??


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

prometheus - Do you want advice on how to solve this problem, or do just want to complain and get a bunch of strangers to help you psych up to leave your wife?

If you want advice on how to change the situation, we all need more information.

Do you have kids? Is your wife happy? Does she communicate? Is she outgoing, or passive? What's the day to day in your life look like? What do you do to romance her and make her feel special? Do you understand her 'love languages', what is meaningful to her?

The type A vs nice guy is not an either or. Type A is knowing what you want, being assertive, being kind, being dominant when needed. Nice guys give to get, are passive in asking for what they want, don't communicate, use seriptitious means to try and get their needs met. My view is it's more what motivates their actions, then the actions themselves.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Of course you can coexist happily and it's not about crying and whining but it still doesn't sound like you've gotten her to understand what you want.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> prometheus - Do you want advice on how to solve this problem, or do just want to complain and get a bunch of strangers to help you psych up to leave your wife?


That’s really passive aggression and projection. Goodness gracious me.

I think all people, men and women alike, should consider what failure of their marriage would mean and look like to them. In troubled times most will do it anyway. They should consider failure as an option and see exactly what it looks like. And if they don’t like what they see as a life without their partner then get back into the marriage and try new things.

I was wondering where Prometheus is at with respect to that and hence the question. If he’s given up what’s the point in trying to help?

Prometheus sounds like many, a person who has been trying to change his partner. And like many after years of trying may have concluded that you can’t change people. It’s pushing that rock up the hill, trying to do the impossible. But it takes some of us a while to understand and accept that.

When all that’s said and done we come to the conclusion that the only person we can change is our self. And maybe, just maybe our changes will influence and inspire changes in our partner and lead to a happier marriage

Bob


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

prometheus said:


> Thanks Bob. Well indeed, I have imagined many times that picture with no wife. If served tomorrow, I'd want to know if there was another man and if so how long. Once those two facts and only two known, bye bye, no tears. In a month I'd be ok again. I'd have a sense of freedom but also a feeling of loss of a friend. You're right in a sense that I'd would be looking for the rock, I guess. Honestly, I don't know how much this marriage can take.
> Greenpearl? No all women are not like mine! I've read some of these posts about men (crying like a punk) whining because their wife aren't sucking them the way they want or not enjoying anal. Give me a freakin break! Guys, try a month with this type of woman and see how happy your sex life is. I have turned to porn on some occasions (no im not someone who looks at it all day) just to remind me what I use to have with other women and even my wife at one point. Pitiful state of affairs.


Is there still love there Prometheus, both ways? Not "historical love" but "love today"?

Bob


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

> That’s really passive aggression and projection. Goodness gracious me.


Bob, you and I have vastly different definitions of passive aggression. I'm not projecting anything, because I don't give a rat's ass what choice he makes. I don't know the guy and I don't have to deal with consequences of his choices. Neither do you.

Some people come here to ***** and get validation on a choice they've already made. Others come to find solutions or a new way of thinking about things. 

He is suffering and he wants relief - which can come through divorce or fixing what he's got. I'm just asking for clarification.

My values are such that I don't believe relationships are disposable, so ending them isn't a trivial matter. I feel like a lot of advice trivializes endings. I also think his "I'll get over it in a month" is a load of BS. If he could be done with his wife that easily he'd of been gone ages ago.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> Bob, you and I have vastly different definitions of passive aggression. I'm not projecting anything, because I don't give a rat's ass what choice he makes. I don't know the guy and I don't have to deal with consequences of his choices. Neither do you.
> 
> Some people come here to ***** and get validation on a choice they've already made. Others come to find solutions or a new way of thinking about things.
> 
> ...


Okie dokie.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

AFEH said:


> It takes two to tango GP. You are putting "blankets of behaviour" on "All Women". That is seriously not good.
> 
> You are way over generalising.
> 
> Bob


Should have used " some women" !

My bad.

Sometimes too lazy to put some in front of women.


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## Needhelp911 (Nov 14, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> prometheus -
> 
> The type A vs nice guy is not an either or. Type A is knowing what you want, being assertive, being kind, being dominant when needed. Nice guys *give to get*,* are passive in asking for what they want, don't communicate, use seriptitious means to try and get their needs met. *My view is it's more what motivates their actions, then the actions themselves.


OMG that sounds just like my husband! I need advice badlyyyyy..... HELP! In my opinion nice guys are very narcissistic.


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## Needhelp911 (Nov 14, 2010)

AFEH said:


> That’s really passive aggression and projection. Goodness gracious me.
> 
> I think all people, men and women alike, should consider what failure of their marriage would mean and look like to them. In troubled times most will do it anyway. They should consider failure as an option and see exactly what it looks like. And if they don’t like what they see as a life without their partner then get back into the marriage and try new things.
> 
> ...



Wow, Bob are you a counselor? Therapist? I felt like you were talking to me! I have figured this out slowly after a 6 year relationship. You can't change people at all. And sometimes they will change... usually to get something in return and once they can no longer "get" from you or they no longer "need" you they go back to being who they were.

My question is where do I start to change? And how could it motivate my partner?


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## Needhelp911 (Nov 14, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> Bob, you and I have vastly different definitions of passive aggression. I'm not projecting anything, because I don't give a rat's ass what choice he makes. I don't know the guy and I don't have to deal with consequences of his choices. Neither do you.
> 
> Some people come here to ***** and get validation on a choice they've already made. Others come to find solutions or a new way of thinking about things.
> 
> ...


Gee, I agree with you and Bob, you both have really good points.

But maybe he is ready to leave her and has been for a long time. There is probably something keeping him in the marriage. Children? Do you need the financial support? Something thats tying him to her. If it was only getting head that pisses him off I'm sure he could of found ways to get her interested in doing it again. It sounds like there is more to his aggravation then Head. He sounds like he can't stand her.

Anyway, your right if he really wanted to leave he would've a long time ago, but maybe there's something tying him to her.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Prome,

Just read another of your posts, sounds like your woman is a very selfish one. I don't even want to say "your wife", I say "your WOMAN". 

Please stand up for yourself and stop treating her like a queen. If she doesn't treat you like a KING, she doesn't deserve the kind of royalty you give her. 

Stop spoiling her, the more you spoil her, the more she treats you like a slave. YOU are A MAN, remember, A MAN! No matter how important she thinks she is , you are the MAN. In your house, let her know that you are the KING. 

If she can't be trained, there is always another way for men. No matter how old a man is, as long as he has a good job, and he is in good shape, there are plenty of fish in the sea. That's the good thing for men. You can always find women. But for women, life won't be this easy for them. 

Women, men can't live with them, men can't live without them. 

Vice versa.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Prome,
> 
> Just read another of your posts, sounds like your woman is a very selfish one. I don't even want to say "your wife", I say "your WOMAN".
> 
> ...


I find your posts so offensive. Why is it you believe a woman should be trained? I am not a dog. Women are not dogs or other pets that need to be trained. For women won't be this easy for them but men have it easy if they have a good job and are in good shape?

Seriously? I mean, really?!...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> I find your posts so offensive. Why is it you believe a woman should be trained? I am not a dog. Women are not dogs or other pets that need to be trained. For women won't be this easy for them but men have it easy if they have a good job and are in good shape?
> 
> Seriously? I mean, really?!...


Why do you always have to feel like this?

I am not talking about you. 

I am talking about his wife.

Should I use COACH? Will that make you feel better?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I don't mind being trained. 

I am being trained by my husband. 

He is training me to be a good wife.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Why do you always have to feel like this.
> 
> I am not talking about you.
> 
> I am talking about his wife.


You are talking about women in general and so you are talking about all of us and we are not dogs to be trained by Kings.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> You are talking about women in general and so you are talking about all of us and we are not dogs to be trained by Kings.


I don't like to argue.

You can think whatever way you like. 

I am talking about his wife. 

And I didn't say that he should train her like a xxx. He should train her like a wife. Train a wife!

If you like to be pixxed off by other people's posts often, then be it this way, it is not good for you!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

It is dangerous and harmful advice that you are giving. This is how I feel.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> It is dangerous and harmful advice that you are giving. This is how I feel.


Do you think he will take my advice?

Do you think you will take people's advice? 

I am just trying to comfort him!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I don't like to argue.
> 
> You can think whatever way you like.
> 
> ...


Why does he spoil her? Why would a man treat a woman so well and she not respond?

I'm not pissed off, that's your assumption. I just think what you say is bad for prom and bad for women. That's all there is to it.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Why does he spoil her? Why would a man treat a woman so well and she not respond?
> 
> I'm not pissed off, that's your assumption. I just think what you say is bad for prom and bad for women. That's all there is to
> it.


Then you go and read all of prome's posts and see what kind of treatment he is getting from his wife. 

If you think that prome's wife is responding, then you can ask prome.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Do you think he will take my advice?
> 
> Do you think you will take people's advice?
> 
> I am just trying to comfort him!


He loves this woman but can't find a way to connect with her, how is telling him that she is a spoiled brat that needs to be trained going to comfort him exactly?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> He loves this woman but can't find a way to connect with her, how is telling him that she is a spoiled brat that needs to be trained going to comfort him exactly?


Then please you tell him what to do!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> WOW, what country are you from?


China!

We like to use the word " train"

No offense!

Normally we mean train an athlete!

A coach is training an athlete!

Few people in China have pets, it didn't come across my mind, and she has to interpret it this way.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Then please you tell him what to do!


OK.

Prom, from reading you I'm thinking your wife needs an emotional connection to you. You say you are confident and don't care what anyone thinks but at the same time you say that your wife has never seen you cry and never will and you do this with authority. Why is that? Your wife very well likely feels disconnected. 

You need to show her that you are both strong, intense but sensitive and that you have needs as well as she does. She can't read your mind. If you truly want this relationship to work then you need to communicate with her, be honest with her and tell her how you feel. You are angry at her but you've declared here that you are unable to show her your most vulnerable side.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> China!
> 
> We like to use the word " train"
> 
> ...


Then I will give you the cultural differentiation. SA has said you were a kind, wonderful person in not so many words and I value SA's opinion so I'm really trying here but I read your words as insecurities and negativity directed at all women in general.

If this is not the case and it's my misinterpertation, I will be the first to apologize. My fear is that others will also misinterpert your advice.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Then I will give you the cultural differentiation. SA has said you were a kind, wonderful person in not so many words and I value SA's opinion so I'm really trying here but I read your words as insecurities and negativity directed at all women in general.
> 
> If this is not the case and it's my misinterpertation, I will be the first to apologize. My fear is that others will also misinterpert your advice.


I am kind to all good men and good women. 

But I don't have respect for selfish people. 

And I am harsh to people who are selfish. 

Sorry!

I might have to choose words carefully. 

But please you, don't take my posts too personally, I haven't been harsh to you.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

And if you are worried for other people to see my bad advice, I can delete all of my posts here. 

But you have quoted many, so maybe you have to delete yours too. 

Do it at the same time?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> NO WONDER!! Now I know why your views are the way they are. Trenton, this is the way women from China truly think. Greenpearl I knew you weren't western thats for sure. Well, greenpearl in western countries, we believe that women are equal to men. We believe that women do not need to cater to men and that it should be 50/50/ We believe that women are capable of being independent and making their own decisions. We choose our own husbands, if we feel a certain way we express it. Women over here do not slave to their men. Like I said, we believe that women are human, equal and have opinions that count. Thats why Trenton finds your posts so offensive.


Thank you!

My dear!

You understand the difference!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> NO WONDER!! Now I know why your views are the way they are. Trenton, this is the way women from China truly think. I knew you weren't western thats for sure. Well, greenpearl in western countries, we believe that women are equal to men. We believe that women do not need to cater to men and that it should be 50/50/ We believe that women are capable of being independent and making their own decisions. We choose our own husbands, if we feel a certain way we express it. Women over here do not slave to their men. Like I said, we believe that women are human, equal and have opinions that count.


I keep taking into account that fact and yet am always left at a loss hence I said that it might be a cultural differentiation but Greenpearl aren't you married to a Canadian and a school teacher with a son you had to leave behind? A self professed woman who does not get along with women because they are jealous and prefer the company of men?

I don't know. I understand you have the right to your opinions but in response I will offer mine because I do find it troublesome.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> This makes sense, people from eastern countries are selfless. They find selfishness truly offensive and evil. You are always suppose to put the other first. IMHO this is great but in China I think selflessness is not geared towards men.


In China, a lot of women don't get treated very nicely!

I feel bad that a lot of western women are being treated so nicely by their husbands and they don't see it.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> And if you are worried for other people to see my bad advice, I can delete all of my posts here.
> 
> But you have quoted many, so maybe you have to delete yours too.
> 
> Do it at the same time?


No worries, moderators will delete it if they find it inappropriate I believe. You always have the right to your opinions and I promise you that I'm not upset or angry about them at all. I just want to weigh in as all.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> In China, a lot of women don't get treated very nicely!
> 
> I feel bad that a lot of western women are being treated so nicely by their husbands and they don't see it.


But do you see that if you are telling men that treat their women well that they must train them to behave that you will be pushing forward the behavior you do not like in China?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> I keep taking into account that fact and yet am always left at a loss hence I said that it might be a cultural differentiation but Greenpearl aren't you married to a Canadian and a school teacher with a son you had to leave behind? A self professed woman who does not get along with women because they are jealous and prefer the company of men?
> 
> I don't know. I understand you have the right to your opinions but in response I will offer mine because I do find it troublesome.


Please, trenton dear, don't take other people's posts personally. 

I might say things you don't like, but it is not directed to you. You can think that you are not one of the people I am harsh to!

Or you can put me on your ignore list, then you won't be able to read my posts anymore!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> Honestly, alot of western men love women from China because they arent so complicated. Chinese women are not lazy and they truly are selfless. They always put the husbands first and make sure they are happy and they dont expect anything in return. This is probably why they don't have so many problems.. Because they aren't always worried about themselves, they worry about the other person so everyone always stays happy.


I disagree. They have many problems and infidelity is common place. They have problems but what they lack are choices.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> But do you see that if you are telling men that treat their women well that they must train them to behave that you will be pushing forward the behavior you do not like in China?


Trenton dear,

I have discussed this with my husband. 

I think if these nice guys are married to eastern women, they'll be treated like kings!

Or may not, just my opinion!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Please, trenton dear, don't take other people's posts personally.
> 
> I might say things you don't like, but it is not directed to you. You can think that you are not one of the people I am harsh to!
> 
> Or you can put me on your ignore list, then you won't be able to read my posts anymore!


Why would I ever ignore anyone? Ick, that would really change my ability to see the bigger picture. 

If you see me as harsh I apologize and I don't think that you are harsh to me either. I am truly just trying to be honest with you and with how I see this situation. Of course, that was lost several posts ago.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Trenton dear,
> 
> I have discussed this with my husband.
> 
> ...


You would have to ask a man if he would rather be treated like a King or in a marriage with a partner. When I discuss this with my husband he will laugh and roll his eyes at us.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Why would I ever ignore anyone? Ick, that would really change my ability to see the bigger picture.
> 
> If you see me as harsh I apologize and I don't think that you are harsh to me either. I am truly just trying to be honest with you and with how I see this situation. Of course, that was lost several posts ago.


Trenton dear,

Your advice accepted.

Have you noticed that I don't put a lot of smiles on my posts anymore. It is from your advice. 

You gave me advice, I take it. 

We get lost, we find our way again.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> You would have to ask a man if he would rather be treated like a King or in a marriage with a partner. When I discuss this with my husband he will laugh and roll his eyes at us.


I like people who laugh!

I wish I could make my friends laugh all the time. 

I have run out of jokes. 

Please help me!

I have made quite a few people here laugh by my silly conducts.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Nh, Trenton,

My dear,

I have to go to work now. 

It has been a very nice chat with you!

Thanks!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Trenton dear,
> 
> Your advice accepted.
> 
> ...


That is sweet but I found your smilies to reflect your bubbly personality. When I am critical of you it is the advice I disagree with, it is never you as a person. I understand we are different but that doesn't mean I discount all that you say or don't see that as much as you believe women need to be more attentive, you also see the deeper parts of others and care deeply about the world around you and helping others.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Nh, Trenton,
> 
> My dear,
> 
> ...


Have a good day and each time you run into a man or woman picture them as the dog's personality that they most resemble and have a good laugh on me.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Needhelp911 said:


> Wow, Bob are you a counselor? Therapist? I felt like you were talking to me! I have figured this out slowly after a 6 year relationship. You can't change people at all. And sometimes they will change... usually to get something in return and once they can no longer "get" from you or they no longer "need" you they go back to being who they were.
> 
> My question is where do I start to change? And how could it motivate my partner?


It’s just I’ve been there Needhelp. I thought I was a reasonably bright guy yet it took me a long while to learn. But I now know how hard it is to change who we are at our core let alone somebody else.

As far as I can see a lot of people have very poor boundaries between themselves and the outside world. I have posted an answer on the thread you started.

Bob


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## Needhelp911 (Nov 14, 2010)

AFEH said:


> It’s just I’ve been there Needhelp. I thought I was a reasonably bright guy yet it took me a long while to learn. But I now know how hard it is to change who we are at our core let alone somebody else.
> 
> As far as I can see a lot of people have very poor boundaries between themselves and the outside world. I have posted an answer on the thread you started.
> 
> Bob


Thank you


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hi Trenton, there are a lot of Western men who have found joy and happiness in Eastern women. And it is because of the cultural difference.

Personal I think GP adds a new dimension to the threads, a different perspective. A lot of that is the fun side of things, those Eastern women enjoy fun but also have a depth to them.

But GP is putting across how an Eastern woman views some of the things that go on in the West in marriages. And sitting there in Taiwan having lived in mainland China I’m thinking sometimes she simply can’t believe what she’s reading about some Western marriages. And particularly how some wives respond to husbands that are loyal and faithful to them and are helped and supported by them. She probably just can’t make the equation work, it just doesn’t add up for her. Well she’s not alone in that as far as I’m concerned.

I think you two have just demonstrated what “conflict” is all about. You had a conflict and that has resulted in a further understanding of one another and you made your peace.

Bob


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Hi Trenton, there are a lot of Western men who have found joy and happiness in Eastern women. And it is because of the cultural difference.
> 
> Personal I think GP adds a new dimension to the threads, a different perspective. A lot of that is the fun side of things, those Eastern women enjoy fun but also have a depth to them.
> 
> ...


Bob, 

Thank you a lot. 

I get lost quite often by what I see here on the forum, you are 100% right. 

I just don't understand so many wonderful loving western studs are lost in their marriages. Men like these in Asia are very valuable. My husband isn't much different from the men on the forum, he is just one of them, but he is being valued and appreciated by me a lot. A lot of men in Taiwan don't help wives do anything at home, and they cheat like crazy as long as they have money! 

I can't do anything, but if western culture and eastern culture combine, the result can be interesting!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

We all agree. In all cultures there is negativity and positivity in their practices. I can respect this and know that my own culture has negatives as well but if I read something that I think is negative to anyone albeit woman or man, then I'll say something. GreenPearl does add a dimension to the forums that is needed and even appreciated by me.


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