# My wife has asked me to move out.



## Locutus (Sep 12, 2009)

This is a kind of a long story. I will give a little background first. I am 37 and she is 33. We have been married just over 3 years. We have 5 kids in a blended family. We had a quick courtship of only 30 days. The first 2.5 years things were good between us but we had financial and housing difficulties. I had trouble holding down a job and she was pregnant with our twins and then I ended up not able to work at all because of shoulder surgery. She went back to work, and I went to school.

In November she told me she wanted to separate. We had a long talk and I discovered she already had an apartment lined up. So we laid it all on the table I knew I had been letting her down but not helping out around the house and helping with the kids as much as she needed. We agreed to work on things and we moved into the apartment to improve our financial situation by lowering our expenses. Between what she was making working full time and what I was bringing in on the side building web pages we were on our feet again financially though our credit will take much longer to improve. Since November we have had a few really bad arguments where she has said it was thru again but we have always reconciled and worked to making things better. I have since gone back to work and have been for the last 4 months. It had been 3 months since we had had a big argument, she had even wrote me a card telling me how much she loved me and she was glad I fought for her. Our intimacy improved, our sex life was better, our financial situation was much better. Things seemed to really be on track. Then she told me last Friday I had to move out and she has been cold as ice to me since. We still see other but there is no intimacy at all, she only responds "I know" when I say I love you to her. She pulls away from my touch and doesn't want to entertain the idea of us working on things. She tells me she can't tell me a single reason why she can't live with me any more other than it’s too much and she can't handle it anymore and she wants to get her life back. She says the kids are to much and she says she has already talked to me about all this and there is not point anymore. She has also expressed resentment towards my 2 daughters who live with us. Both are emotionally troubled because of their pervert older brother (not my child) and their biological mother and I realize they are difficult at times. We had talked about counseling but at first it was we can’t afford it. Now its paid for by my benefits at work so she says maybe and she will think about. It is very hard because Thursday night she came and gave me a kiss and told me she loved me and hugged me tight. Friday morning that woman was gone. Over the last year I have noticed she wants to sleep all the time. Her sex drive has changed. She used to enjoy when I would cook for her but she doesn't enjoy food at all anymore she just eats to subsist. She also acts like nothing has changed even though I have stepped up and gone back to work, and while I am not perfect I have definitely stepped up with the kids and trying to help around the house. It’s hard to keep the house clean because neither of us is very motivated for house work and even when I try a lot of times she doesn't. She has trouble getting motivated and so do I. She sleeps a lot more than she used to and can hardly make it thru the day unless she naps. Right now she is trying to say that she was trying to make it work all that time but she wasn’t really “in love” with me that whole time. She says her feelings have changed that she loves me but not like she should love a husband, but what I don’t get is during that time, I didn’t prompt her. While I frequently showed her love and affection there were just as many times as she initiated it. I don’t know what to do. When she is not in one of these moods we get along great, we can talk, we laugh and we have fun together. Except for the coldness toward me we can still mostly laugh and get along. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose the love of my life and my best friend but I just have a hard time accepting that is not something else underlying.


Locutus


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

She definitely is overwhelmed...

Don't go overboard with "I love you's" or pressure. You don't want to appear needy.

Line up counseling. Your daughters sound like they can use some help. Maybe your wife can get invididual counseling for now. Let her have this time.

I know its hard to step back and be patient. That is what it will take. You can't force her and if you try she will RUN. She already wants a break....give it to her in smaller doses.

Read some self help books for your marriage. Organize a day out of the house for her, as surprise. Or maybe suggest that she go visit a friend or family member to get a break.


----------

