# Ex won't communicate



## FoundinColumbus (Oct 1, 2012)

Hi all,

I'm new to the boards and this is my first post. Quick background: about two years since split with the ex, about 16 months since the divorce was finalized. We were married a long time - 18 years, have two girls (ages 11 and 15). Divorce was fairly low-conflict, shared parenting plan with equal time (week-on/week-off) with the kids.

Up until recently, we were usually civil in dealing with each other and we accomodated each other's requests when flexiblity was needed with parenting time. Well - I've been in a relationship for about 8 months and I recently informed my ex that she is going to be moving in to my place. Now, the ex has totally shut down all communication. 

I asked my ex for a little flexibility to accomodate holiday travel (return the kids to me at 9 pm instead of the following AM) and she refused. I have always accomodated her requests for parenting flexibility.

My last conversation on the phone with her was her getting hostile and verbally abusive - to which I hung up the phone. I emailed her stating I will only email or text, so that I have a record of everything that is said. I told her that this is also in her best interest as well, as she has a record of everything I say. She refuses to respond to my electronic communications - even regarding kid issues - and said she will only communicate of the phone. We have been at this stalemate for a week and a half.

With a teen and a pre-teen, we need to be able to communicate about the kids, but she is acting like a child and throwing a temper-tantrum and holding her breath. Any ideas?


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Not really any ideas other than do the best you can. You can't "make" her do anything.

Personally I do 99% of communication via email. It is less personable but you can respond at your own pace and you do have a record.

Your kids are almost the same ages as mine. I find out most of the things I need from them directly. My 16 year old has really become responsible to keep her calendar of events current so both me and her mom know what needs to be done. I'm really proud of that fact and one of the bright spots of the divorce.

The kids will adjust and you all will develop ways around the childish behavior of their mother. May be some bumps in the road but you all three will be stronger for it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Then tell her you will be recording all of your conversations instead, to maintain a record in light of her change in attitude and start recording. In some places you don't even need to tell her you are recording so consult your attorney or check the laws in your state.

My ex and I are actually ordered to primarily communicate via email and if an immediate response is needed, to advise the other by phone they have an email.

He even refuses to answer some of mine - basic things about visitation or phone usage. I use a service at readnotify.com and send all emails through it. I can prove he's read them that way so he can never say I didn't notify him about something.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

She's upset at the new lady moving in. Try not to ask her for favors at this time, communicate only when needed, and live your life.


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