# Porn and Young Men



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

> Angela believes that one problem is that a lot of young men are experiencing performance anxiety after comparing themselves to the unrealistic standards of adult films.
> 
> Another common issue is that they become ‘hooked’ on extreme porn – available free of charge in little more than a few clicks – which depicts acts that few partners would be willing to take part in.
> 
> This then leaves them bored by the standard sex on offer to them.


I can only see this issue as getting worse, and honestly don't see a good way to combat it. I am sure as a parent it would be helpful to talk to your kids openly about sex, porn, etc... but as a young male with raging hormones, having on demand porn practically whenever you want is a temptation most guys won't just simply turn away from.

Watching Porn Is Doing Something Terrible To Your ****


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Seems like natural selection will have something to say about this, eventually.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Cletus said:


> Seems like natural selection will have something to say about this, eventually.


So tell your son not to watch porn and eventually he will have the pick of the litter :grin2:


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I can only see this issue as getting worse, and honestly don't see a good way to combat it. I am sure as a parent it would be helpful to talk to your kids openly about sex, porn, etc... but as a young male with raging hormones, having on demand porn practically whenever you want is a temptation most guys won't just simply turn away from.
> 
> Watching Porn Is Doing Something Terrible To Your ****


This is just the latest version of "Playing violent video games will turn your sweet little boy into a natural born killer".


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Buddy400 said:


> This is just the latest version of "Playing violent video games will turn your sweet little boy into a natural born killer".


Natural born killer implies shooting a weapon most likely, the problem here would be the opposite :wink2:

It is interesting though if there is an increasing number of young men suffering from ED, what is the cause? It could be as simple as declining T levels in young men vs many years ago. However, I would think that frequent exposure to porn, especially for those who also have little exposure to the real thing, might have some impact on their expectations.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The problem is trying to figure out what risks are real. Kids didn't watch superman and jump off of roofs, but apparently there was some concern about that in the early days of TV. Violent video games don't make kids into killers. 

Porn may be different. If porn becomes someone's primary source of information about sex, I could see how it could lead to a very distorted version. Part of the problem is that culture is so repressed about sex that *real* sex is less visible than porn sex.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> So tell your son not to watch porn and eventually he will have the pick of the litter :grin2:


Well this brings up an interesting, NOT sex in marriage, question for me. What is the right ground where a newly teenage son is concerned? He got VERY good education from the Our Whole World program and understands a lot. But there seems to be some effects that are not largely understood. What is a mother or father to do?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

uhtred said:


> The problem is trying to figure out what risks are real. Kids didn't watch superman and jump off of roofs, but apparently there was some concern about that in the early days of TV. Violent video games don't make kids into killers.
> 
> Porn may be different. If porn becomes someone's primary source of information about sex, I could see how it could lead to a very distorted version. Part of the problem is that culture is so repressed about sex that *real* sex is less visible than porn sex.


Well I was concerned as well about the comparison you make about movies and video games and porn. Looking forward to people's opinions.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Natural born killer implies shooting a weapon most likely, the problem here would be the opposite :wink2:
> 
> It is interesting though if there is an increasing number of young men suffering from ED, what is the cause? It could be as simple as declining T levels in young men vs many years ago. However, I would think that frequent exposure to porn, especially for those who also have little exposure to the real thing, might have some impact on their expectations.


I suppose it's possible, but I think we have a tendency to look for easy answers to difficult questions these days, especially answers which hold some faceless third party responsible.

It also occurs to me that if they learned it from video games, they wouldn't be "Natural Born".


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

uhtred said:


> Porn may be different. If porn becomes someone's primary source of information about sex, I could see how it could lead to a very distorted version. Part of the problem is that culture is so repressed about sex that *real* sex is less visible than porn sex.


Call me a c0ckeyed optimist, but I just can't believe that young people are going to believe that porn sex is an accurate representation of the real world. Not to mention the fact that there is such a wide range of porn genres, which one is supposed to be "real"?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> I suppose it's possible, but I think we have a tendency to look for easy answers to difficult questions these days, especially answers which hold some faceless third party responsible.
> 
> It also occurs to me that if they learned it from video games, they wouldn't be "Natural Born".


So yah. I agree? There was a meeting at the school on the issues that kids face as teenagers. (I confess that those of us there were the least likely to need it.) They were talking about pot. Apparently my experiences as a young person are nothing like what they experience. The THC content has been engineered to be WAY more than what I experienced as a kid. It is hard to navigate what to think is important and what not. Particularly as a naturally not inclined to meddle mother.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Well this brings up an interesting, NOT sex in marriage, question for me. What is the right ground where a newly teenage son is concerned? He got VERY good education from the Our Whole World program and understands a lot. But there seems to be some effects that are not largely understood. What is a mother or father to do?


I assumed my sons watched porn. But they had to do it discreetly, no computers in their rooms.

You can't keep them away from all the unsavory things in the world. 

If one succeeded, they'd probably just be more warped when they escaped your control and faced the world as it really is for the first time. Raise good kids and they'll be fine.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> (I confess that those of us there were the least likely to need it.)


That's the way it always is.

It's almost as if the rule is: "If you are the kind of parent who goes to these things, you don't need to".


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> Well this brings up an interesting, NOT sex in marriage, question for me. What is the right ground where a newly teenage son is concerned? He got VERY good education from the Our Whole World program and understands a lot. But there seems to be some effects that are not largely understood. What is a mother or father to do?


Naturally the only option is to watch porn with your kids >


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> They were talking about pot. Apparently my experiences as a young person are nothing like what they experience. The THC content has been engineered to be WAY more than what I experienced as a kid. It is hard to navigate what to think is important and what not. Particularly as a naturally not inclined to meddle mother.


OK, I'm a skeptic here as well.

Sounds like they've invented a way for parents who smoked pot to not feel bad about telling their kids not to do what they did. I don't partake, but my wife says you just don't smoke as much (since it's stronger).


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> OK, I'm a skeptic here as well.
> 
> Sounds like they've invented a way for parents who smoked pot to not feel bad about telling their kids not to do what they did. I don't partake, but my wife says you just don't smoke as much (since it's stronger).


So there is some science behind it. But I have to confess that I thought... Oh! THAT is why it kicked my ass on the one time I did it somewhat recently. I live in hippyville.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Naturally the only option is to watch porn with your kids >


Hahahahahahaha you always crack me up.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Spicy said:


> Hahahahahahaha you always crack me up.


What was that commercial from back in the day where I think the dad starts yelling at the kid for doing drugs and the kid yells back "I learned it from watching you!". Maybe we will see an updated version of this commercial, but with porn as the topic :grin2:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It might be that exposure to good sex education - her I mean education on how to enjoy sex, not "plumbing", might help. 

Someone who has read the modern equivalent of "joy of sex", will have some background information to understand reality a little better. 

I don't worry about porn in general, but I do have some concerns when it is someone's first introduction to sex. This is especially true with some of the stuff you can run into on the internet. Videos of a couple enjoying engaging in sex are probably a positive thing. Seeing some of the more extreme stuff could lead to very twisted ideas of sex.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Buddy400 said:


> Call me a c0ckeyed optimist, but I just can't believe that young people are going to believe that porn sex is an accurate representation of the real world. Not to mention the fact that there is such a wide range of porn genres, which one is supposed to be "real"?


You're a c0ckeyed optomist. 

I'm not sure what passes for sex education these days but if it was anything like when I was a kid then it's pretty bad.

I had a friend who believed that the "miracle of birth" was that the baby somehow passed through the mother's skin without damage to her and bam, there he is. 

Without instruction or any other guidance on sex kids will use their own imagination and that's OK (or at least not terrible). But if they see what is available on the internet, and you have to agree with me that loving, mutually satisfactory sex acts are the minority of sex on the internet (yes, I've done my own research) then they will get the wrong impression.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I can only see this issue as getting worse, and honestly don't see a good way to combat it. I am sure as a parent it would be helpful to talk to your kids openly about sex, porn, etc... but as a young male with raging hormones, having on demand porn practically whenever you want is a temptation most guys won't just simply turn away from.


I remember when I went to college that personal color printers were just coming onto the market (digital cameras were not around yet). There was this one guy that plastered his entire dorm room with hardcore porn to demonstrate what he could find on the internet, and at that time internet porn was limited to bulletin board sites and there was no google for finding/searching them yet for you. I personally remember learning how to hack a satellite dish (ones that were bigger than me and rotated around) and descramble TV to watch the "Spice" channel when I was a teen. Yes, I had to learn the positioning of geosynchronous orbits in relation to my friend's barn as well as the different "galaxies" of satellite television services. *In my opinion porn was actually very educational back in the day, *as you had to be very smart and somewhat of a sleuth just to find it. 

Nowadays all you have to do is hit a power button and start drooling. So the next generation will not benefit from the secret educations that all teenage boys received with my generation! 

Perhaps that is why the world seems to be getting more stupider as porn becomes way too freaking easy to access.

Badsanta

PS: Woman, you know that guy that can fix ANY computer problem? That is thanks to porn when he was a teen!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

uhtred said:


> The problem is trying to figure out what risks are real. Kids didn't watch superman and jump off of roofs, but apparently there was some concern about that in the early days of TV.


I don't know when and where you grew up, but I was born in the Midwest in the mid-70's. I don't know a single kid that didn't use a pillow case, sheet, or Halloween costume, make a cape out of it, tie it on, and jump off of the house, garage, or at least the back deck.

We also jumped off bridges, the top of playground equipment, bleachers, fences....you name it. 

Someone might have wanted to blame Superman movies and comics for it, but the truth is that kids are just little savages who do some crazy things when unsupervised for a minute.



NobodySpecial said:


> Well this brings up an interesting, NOT sex in marriage, question for me. What is the right ground where a newly teenage son is concerned? He got VERY good education from the Our Whole World program and understands a lot. But there seems to be some effects that are not largely understood. What is a mother or father to do?


For us, what worked was not making porn a big deal in any way.
Not glorified and not verboten.



NobodySpecial said:


> Apparently my experiences as a young person are nothing like what they experience. The THC content has been engineered to be WAY more than what I experienced as a kid.





Buddy400 said:


> OK, I'm a skeptic here as well.
> 
> Sounds like they've invented a way for parents who smoked pot to not feel bad about telling their kids not to do what they did. I don't partake, but my wife says you just don't smoke as much (since it's stronger).





NobodySpecial said:


> So there is some science behind it. But I have to confess that I thought... Oh! THAT is why it kicked my ass on the one time I did it somewhat recently. I live in hippyville.


*Disclaimer* Medical marijuana is LEGAL in my state and recreational use has been decriminalized in my city and many surrounding communities.

I have been partaking since the late 80's and will readily agree with Buddy's wife. If you're getting decent modern buds, you definitely can't smoke it in the same way you did back in the 80's or even 90's. A couple puffs will usually do ya.

The thing is, though, that the younger crowd has grown up with this level of potency and are acclimated to it. Same with porn being widely available.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> For us, what worked was not making porn a big deal in any way.
> Not glorified and not verboten.


One of the things I liked about the program that I mentioned is that it does a good job of teach the young adults that porn is fiction, fantasy and NOT an instruction manual. Yah if you think you are going in the back door dry... if at all.... just no.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> Yah if you think you are going in the back door dry... if at all.... just no.


There seriously is a MEME for everything lol


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> One of the things I liked about the program that I mentioned is that it does a good job of teach the young adults that porn is fiction, fantasy and NOT an instruction manual. Yah if you think you are going in the back door dry... if at all.... just no.


not even a good idea going into the front door dry.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Much of my basis for sex growing up was based on staring at JC Penney circulars lol


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> not even a good idea going into the front door dry.


The front door, at least, has the possibility of self lubrication. The back door, not so much. Unless someone wants to go somewhere that I have no desire to go.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I have a 17 years old son. I keep telling him that real life sex is not like porn. So, he should not expect any girl to do those things. He said he knows. And he does not watch porn. Yea right. I believe him:wink2:

Nowadays young people know so many things about sex, I am getting educated by my kids. 

My son just came back from a trip to South Africa. He was telling me about the boys having sex with the same girls. He said that was so nasty that he will died a virgin than do that. I thought that was crazy with Aids being so rampant in Africa, why would any young kid want to go there and have sex? I was disappointed that no adult try to put a stop to it. 

But he learned a good lesson there. When he turns 18, I am thinking about buying him a copy of the "Joy of sex". What you think??


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> But he learned a good lesson there. When he turns 18, I am thinking about buying him a copy of the "Joy of sex". What you think??


As long as you throw in a copy of Mrs Assfire and Booty & The Beast :wink2:


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> For us, what worked was not making porn a big deal in any way.
> Not glorified and not verboten.


This.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> As long as you throw in a copy of Mrs Assfire and Booty & The Beast :wink2:


I will put it on my christmas list.:grin2:

Was it good? Cause I don't want the boy to see a bad movie.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> I will put it on my christmas list.:grin2:
> 
> Was it good? Cause I don't want the boy to see a bad movie.


They got supposedly Two Knockers Up, can't get a better rating >


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Natural born killer implies shooting a weapon most likely, the problem here would be the opposite :wink2:
> 
> It is interesting though if there is an increasing number of young men suffering from ED, what is the cause? It could be as simple as declining T levels in young men vs many years ago. However, I would think that frequent exposure to porn, especially for those who also have little exposure to the real thing, might have some impact on their expectations.


Maybe it's because our diets are **** and we are significantly more sedentary compared to back in the day

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Naturally the only option is to watch porn with your kids >


Nope

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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

Buddy400 said:


> OK, I'm a skeptic here as well.
> 
> Sounds like they've invented a way for parents who smoked pot to not feel bad about telling their kids not to do what they did. I don't partake, but my wife says you just don't smoke as much (since it's stronger).


She's right but kids shouldn't smoke at all no matter how strong it is

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

This TedTalk by Cindy Gallop speaks directly to Ellis' question.

https://youtu.be/FV8n_E_6Tpc

As the mother of a son, this is a worrisome trend.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I also think when a partner pulls away from intimacy, the person (man or woman) looks for a release. With the Internet, that is quite easy now. Soon, with VR, a partner may not even be necessary for the same experience.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Almost-Done said:


> I also think when a partner pulls away from intimacy, the person (man or woman) looks for a release. With the Internet, that is quite easy now. Soon, with VR, a partner may not even be necessary for the same experience.


VR added in with lifelike sex dolls ... Actually, I think I saw a video that this is already becoming reality ...


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> OK, I'm a skeptic here as well.
> 
> Sounds like they've invented a way for parents who smoked pot to not feel bad about telling their kids not to do what they did. I don't partake, but my wife says you just don't smoke as much (since it's stronger).


That is correct.

On a more somber note, all efforts to reduce pot overdose deaths have failed.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

This is not just a problem of young men developing ED. This is problem of their unrealistic expectations towards women, who are lost in it too, and think they are supposed to perform anything, or will be called "stuck up". We fought to women's right to enjoy sex, only to have the young ones now to perform, becuase they are supposed to, not because they are enjoying it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think some types of porn can be unhealthy for young people. I also think some types of romance movies can also set unrealistic expectations. The typical movie romance follows a very different pattern than does a real romance. It can also set unrealistic expectations - one of my favorites is the "poor" artist who lives in a 2000 square foot loft in Manhattan and takes his girlfriend for carriage rides. 

My future wife came from a wealthy family and honestly didn't understand that poorer people (like me) simply couldn't afford some of the traditional romantic gestures. She was very smart, but had never been in a situation where she didn't have enough money for something she wanted.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

uhtred said:


> The typical movie romance follows a very different pattern than does a real romance. It can also set unrealistic expectations - one of my favorites is the "poor" artist who lives in a 2000 square foot loft in Manhattan and takes his girlfriend for carriage rides.


I am still waiting for that carriage ride my W promised me when we first started dating :cussing:

Anyone who relies on media (whether it be porn, romance novels/movies) as their basis for how a relationship should work will be in a world of hurt once reality hits.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> This TedTalk by Cindy Gallop speaks directly to Ellis' question.
> 
> https://youtu.be/FV8n_E_6Tpc
> 
> As the mother of a son, this is a worrisome trend.


Just watched the video, and the "context" of Cindy's discoveries seems more problematic than an honest effort to discuss porn. 

My 2¢.

Badsanta


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

badsanta said:


> Just watched the video, and the "context" of Cindy's discoveries seems more problematic than an honest effort to discuss porn.
> 
> My 2¢.
> 
> Badsanta


I don't see why her personal experiences dating younger men make her discoveries any less credible. Should she be limited to expressing her views on sex with only 55+ year old lovers? 

The woman runs a porn site and has been in the industry a long while. She's seen the changes.

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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Lila said:


> I don't see why her personal experiences dating younger men make her discoveries any less credible. Should she be limited to expressing her views on sex with only 55+ year old lovers?
> 
> The woman runs a porn site and has been in the industry a long while. She's seen the changes.


There are two things that could be done about the issue of men cvmming on women's faces when women don't like it (as an example). 

1) You could decide that this is the fault of men or porn and you could tell men (boys) that women (girls) usually don't like this.

2) You could encourage women (girls) to speak up and tell guys that do (or want to do) this that they don't enjoy it, don't like it and will be pissed if they do it. I realize that this may take a bit of a PR issue to convince girls who don't like it that they're not alone.

I'd give the best chance of success to #2.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Someone here posted a link to some clinical article about porn, and one guy recounted how prolonged porn use destroyed his libido to the point where he couldn't maintain an erection until he quit porn cold turkey for two years. It's about more than 20 years since the proliferation of online porn, so I wouldn't be surprised to hear about more men having ED nowadays.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> I don't see why her personal experiences dating younger men make her discoveries any less credible. Should she be limited to expressing her views on sex with only 55+ year old lovers?
> 
> The woman runs a porn site and has been in the industry a long while. She's seen the changes.
> 
> Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


I may be wrong, but I think she was comparing one generation of young men to the next generation of young men in a way that is not a fair comparison. 

For visual reference, a twenty year old male having sex with:










will NOT likely represent the same segment of the population as a twenty year old male having sex with:










Say and think what you will, but I am certain that scientifically speaking, these two groups of males come from two completely different segments of the population and have NOT changed that much over the years. That is my 2¢. Porn may have some impact, but is likely the least of the contributing factors that makes one group different from the other.

Badsanta


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I may be wrong, but I think she was comparing one generation of young men to the next generation of young men in a way that is not a fair comparison.
> 
> For visual reference, a twenty year old male having sex with:
> 
> ...


So first question is do you see the escalation of sex acts in porn that Cindy is describing? I haven't had the experiences she has and have limited myself to only mainstream stuff but I can tell you I've seen it. Stuff that's considers derigeur in porn in 2016 was very taboo in the early 1990s when I was first introduced to porn.

The second question is has the escalation of sex acts in mainstream porn become deriguer for young men in real life? Have these unrealistic portrayals of sex had a negative impact on the way young men view sex? Cindy seems to think so based on her experiences and I agree with her based on conversations with my younger siblings, nieces, and friends daughters. 

Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Lila said:


> So first question is do you see the escalation of sex acts in porn that Cindy is describing? I haven't had the experiences she has and have limited myself to only mainstream stuff but I can tell you I've seen it. Stuff that's considers derigeur in porn in 2016 was very taboo in the early 1990s when I was first introduced to porn.


Sure. But then the porn you saw in 1990 was probably taboo in 1980. What was available in 1980 wasn't even available in 1960. There's more porn available now and, with the internet, there's the ability to supply "specialty" genres. 



Lila said:


> The second question is has the escalation of sex acts in mainstream porn become deriguer for young men in real life? Have these unrealistic portrayals of sex had a negative impact on the way young men view sex? Cindy seems to think so based on her experiences and I agree with her based on conversations with my younger siblings, nieces, and friends daughters.


If young guys have an unrealistic view of sex, then that should get corrected in their first few real life encounters.

My daughter, when 16 or 17, was convinced that she'd have to have anal sex. I told her that of course she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do; that lots of guys don't even want it and if she says no and that upsets them then tough.

If there's a danger here, I think it's not with boys wanting sexual things, it's with girls thinking that they have to do things they don't want to because "everybody does it".


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> There are two things that could be done about the issue of men cvmming on women's faces when women don't like it (as an example).
> 
> 1) You could decide that this is the fault of men or porn and you could tell men (boys) that women (girls) usually don't like this.
> 
> ...



Or #3: Teach our kids that mainstream porn does not depict REAL LIFE sexual interactions. It's actors doing what they do best....acting. Their job is to make it look like they are enjoying (or not, depending on the genre) whatever they are doing or having done to them. 

It all starts with communication.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> So first question is do you see the escalation of sex acts in porn that Cindy is describing? I haven't had the experiences she has and have limited myself to only mainstream stuff but I can tell you I've seen it. Stuff that's considers derigeur in porn in 2016 was very taboo in the early 1990s when I was first introduced to porn.
> 
> The second question is has the escalation of sex acts in mainstream porn become deriguer for young men in real life? Have these unrealistic portrayals of sex had a negative impact on the way young men view sex? Cindy seems to think so based on her experiences and I agree with her based on conversations with my younger siblings, nieces, and friends daughters.


Good topic, but wrong questions. 

In my opinion if you look at the same segment of the population from A) our generation watching porn compared to B) the current generation watching porn:

*A)* Actually understood how to carry on a meaningful and lengthy conversation in person and maintain eye contact with the opposite sex.
*
B)*










YES, there may be differences between those two generations regarding sexual behavior, but once again porn is not really a contributing factor in my opinion. 

Badsanta


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> If young guys have an unrealistic view of sex, then that should get corrected in their first few real life encounters.


That's just it.....who's going to do the correcting? With young, inexperienced people, who gets to decide what's 'normal' and what's 'unrealistic'? They assume that because the sex acts are prevalent in porn, then it MUST be 'normal' and there must be something wrong with you for thinking otherwise.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Lila said:


> That's just it.....who's going to do the correcting?.


The person they're having sex with.... when she says "no fvcking way!"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> *If young guys have an unrealistic view of sex, then that should get corrected in their first few real life encounters.*





Lila said:


> That's just it.....*who's going to do the correcting? * With young, inexperienced people, who gets to decide what's 'normal' and what's 'unrealistic'? They assume that because the sex acts are prevalent in porn, then it MUST be 'normal' and there must be something wrong with you for thinking otherwise.


I'm going to side with Joycelyn Elders' view on masturbation as it should apply to sexual behavior between couples. *NO ONE* is responsible for teaching others how to masturbate, and yet everyone knows perfectly well how to do it! 

In real life if your a guy and don't know how to masturbate and discover that washing your penis feels good, so you then grab a handful of shampoo and keep going, the resulting soap that gets into your urethra is very painful and you don't ever do that again!

If a guy wants to shoot his load in his girlfriends face and she does not enjoy it, the resulting gagging reflexes from the girlfriend will be rather emotionally painful for the male and he will never do that again.

It is a very natural process and most people should learn fast!

Badsanta


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Buddy400 said:


> The person they're having sex with.... when she says "no fvcking way!"


But if she doesn't know differently? What if watching porn has made them both think 'this is how it is'? For example, blow jobs. If you would have told me that I was going to be asked to suck a d!ck when I was young and naive, I would have told you "GROSS! Penises go in Vaginas and that is it!". My first sexual partner let me know pretty quick that BJs were standard sexual practice and he backed it up with porn. In my mind I was thinking "really???" but went along with it because ya know.....it's standard sexual practice.

My experience is not unique. That's pretty much how most girls end up doing things they really have no desire or inclination to do.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I'm going to side with Joycelyn Elders' view on masturbation as it should apply to sexual behavior between couples. *NO ONE* is responsible for teaching others how to masturbate, and yet everyone knows perfectly well how to do it!
> 
> In real life if your a guy and don't know how to masturbate and discover that washing your penis feels good, so you then grab a handful of shampoo and keep going, the resulting soap that gets into your urethra is very painful and you don't ever do that again!
> 
> ...


Yeah, it should work like this but it doesn't....at least it wasn't my experience particularly in my youth dealing with equally youthful men.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> But if she doesn't know differently? What if watching porn has made them both think 'this is how it is'? For example, blow jobs. If you would have told me that I was going to be asked to suck a d!ck when I was young and naive, I would have told you "GROSS! Penises go in Vaginas and that is it!". My first sexual partner let me know pretty quick that BJs were standard sexual practice and he backed it up with porn. In my mind I was thinking "really???" but went along with it because ya know.....it's standard sexual practice.
> 
> My experience is not unique. That's pretty much how most girls end up doing things they really have no desire or inclination to do.





Lila said:


> Yeah, it should work like this but it doesn't....at least it wasn't my experience particularly in my youth dealing with equally youthful men.


Well alongside internet porn you also have easy access where people discuss sexual issues in articles or forums. Much like reading an Amazon product review, you can read about what other people experience or advise before deciding to go along with things:

THIS : https://www.google.com/#q=my boyfriend wants oral

gives you THIS: 
Help! My Boyfriend Wants Oral Sex But I Don't Want to Do It! | Glamour

Badsanta


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