# Delayed response or acknowlegement



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

SO when I ask my wife a question she delays the response to me by 30-45 or over 60 seconds or more? WTF?? She may be setting on the couch as I ask a general question or even in bed when I ask about sex. Drives me crazy and I am starting to get even more annoyed.. it is feeling downright disrespectful.
Ladies any insight?


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Crickets......


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

discouraged1 said:


> SO when I ask my wife a question she delays the response to me by 30-45 or over 60 seconds or more? WTF?? She may be setting on the couch as I ask a general question or even in bed when I ask about sex. Drives me crazy and I am starting to get even more annoyed.. it is feeling downright disrespectful.
> Ladies any insight?


As a woman I'd feel the same way, It'd be a :wtf: moment, and after too much of that, I'd be tempted to let that fly right out of my mouth...but this is not a good way to handle it -as she will only get very defensive and you'll be digging yourself out of more of a hole. But just saying...the emotions behind it, I sympathize .

Is this all the time or just the questions you KNOW she doesn't want presented with... so maybe she is pausing ....hoping you will jump in & let her off the hook (sex for instance).... I assume with each such question, when she gets around to the answer, it is more of a let down?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband does this... Many times he just won't flat-out respond to me at all... He'll claim he didn't hear me, but he'll do it when I am sitting THISCLOSE to him!! :/

It's annoying, but maybe they're just thinking of a response? I get why you're annoyed, though. It drives me crazy, too!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

The length of time to respond is rather long...are you sure it's that long? Or does it just FEEL that long.

My H is someone who thinks before he speaks...unlike meeeeeee!

Sometimes I get a pause when i ask him something... he will pause.... and it feels like a eternity sometimes. But it's no more than 10 seconds probably. 

It is different if they are just ignoring you.. that's just rude!

Have you flat out asked her why she takes so long to answer?


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

Hi OP

My husband does the same thing and it pisses me off. I have started to just walk away and not wait for an answer. Sometimes when i am handing him something, I am just standing there waiting and waiting for him to take it. Weird


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

1. They don't want to answer.
2. They don't like the question.
3. They don't want to hurt you with the truth, so they try to think of a lie. 

My husband does it ONLY to things he doesn't want to talk about. But then I talk about being respectful/considerate blah blah blah blah and he will answer just to shut me up haha. Last year he stopped lying to get out of trouble though. Thank god. THAT pisses me right off.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Scared to death to just say what is on their mind?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

My wife does this sometimes and then gets pissed when I repeat te question. My response is that if you just answered it the first time around, I wouldn't have to ask again. 

I think people do it jet to break balls sometimes.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

2ntnuf said:


> Scared to death to just say what is on their mind?


Not always... my h will do it over everyday stuff... "do you want a chicken or beef burger?"

And he thinks...and thinks... rubs his chin a bit!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Not always... my h will do it over everyday stuff... "do you want a chicken or beef burger?"
> 
> And he thinks...and thinks... rubs his chin a bit!


Sounds to me like he is being a smart a$$.

I was taught to say back, in my own words, what was said to me by my spouse, so that she understood that I got what she was trying to tell me. If she didn't think I got it, then she had the opportunity to explain further. It was a way to reduce the amount of misunderstandings and possible ensuing arguments.

Then, I gave my response to the question. Many times this worked for me. It also gave me a chance to think about an appropriate response instead of a reaction.

Today, I have found that has changed. Folks have decided that is an insulting way of speaking when in a close personal relationship that is very important. 

I think it is just a lack of patience and willingness to accept the person for who they are. I'm not sure. I am still trying to figure this out.


Edit: This was supposed to be used when in an important discussion which could have negative consequences on my marriage or relationship. I did not use it at other times, unless I feel threatened about something really important to me.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I like the 'repeating back' what has been said... we use that with our teenagers a lot when in 'discussion'. I also like to know I've been heard and understood.... so i think it's a good communication tool.

With H and his chin rubbing...he *is* a pain when he does it...but I don't think he means to be and when I think about it...it's mostly food related. He does love love love his food!

He's always convinced if he says beef...the chicken burgers will look tastier when they come out of the kitchen and he'll regret his choice. Don't even get me started on restaurants...men like my H shouldn't be given a choice/menu.. arrhh!


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I do this all the time.

I'm not being rude. I'm just thinking about the question. I think A LOT.


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

Obviously not every time and not for every question, but I've realized that I tend to do this when -

1) I'm already having two things on my mind and my husband asks me something else altogether. That would require me to put a stop to my earlier thought processes and concentrate on the third one aka my husband's query... it does happen within a matter of 20 seconds but I realize that sometimes that could be too long for the person waiting...for e.g. when I'm half way through an email and simultaneously trying to jot down the grocery list for an online order as I recollect items, he'll ask me what movie he'd like to book for the next day.
2) When I'm not sure what answer to give him i.e. a difficult question that I know would bring forth a 'delicate' answer...then it'd take me a few seconds to think of an answer to make sure I'm going to word it right...
3) When he's asked me the same question many times in the past and 'knows' the answer but still asks me once again just to hear it... The answer to this will generally be a big sigh followed by 'Yes dear...I think we've made the right decision'
4) When I'm too much into something like laughing my head off at some scenes on TV, I'd need a few seconds to come back into the normal conversation zone to be able to answer him sensibly...

However, in none of those occasions am I wanting to come across as disrespectful. It might seem slightly dismissive through my words above, but its just involuntary...never gets my husband irked or anything as he knows I'm not doing it on purpose! I'm guessing that people who multi-task could be doing this a lot more... (I could blame my delayed responses to multi-tasking and by multi-tasking I don't only mean physical work, but mental exercises too i.e. constantly running through the day's/week's/month's activities/workload/plans too!)

But hey, what do you know - many around me do the same too - they all take their own time to answer (occasionally) - my husband when he's really into his stuff (e.g. office work, watching sports etc), my mother when she's into her stuff (TV shows, browsing etc) and my son when he's into his stuff (Cartoons) ... and I'm not even going to get started on my father here!

So I'm guessing its quite common!


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

discouraged1 said:


> SO when I ask my wife a question she delays the response to me by 30-45 or over 60 seconds or more? WTF?? She may be setting on the couch as I ask a general question or even in bed when I ask about sex. Drives me crazy and I am starting to get even more annoyed.. it is feeling downright disrespectful.
> Ladies any insight?


It sounds like she's is pondering your question prior to answering.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm teaching my daughter to say, "hm, let me think about that for a minute," instead of just staring off into space, seemingly ignoring my question. It seems to me like your wife should do the same for you. Or at least acknowledge somehow that she's taking forever to answer the question and she appreciates your patience.

My husband will stare off into space and then just not respond at all. I can't tell you how many times we've been discussing things in bed and I've asked him a serious question, quietly waited for a response, and then heard snoring. We don't talk lying in bed any more.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> As a woman I'd feel the same way, It'd be a :wtf: moment, and after too much of that, I'd be tempted to let that fly right out of my mouth...but this is not a good way to handle it -as she will only get very defensive and you'll be digging yourself out of more of a hole. But just saying...the emotions behind it, I sympathize .
> 
> Is this all the time or just the questions you KNOW she doesn't want presented with... so maybe she is pausing ....hoping you will jump in & let her off the hook (sex for instance).... I assume with each such question, when she gets around to the answer, it is more of a let down?


Yes it is usually a let down now that I think about it.. I will do some testing and see if this is a pattern. As I remember up to this point it seems to be more relevant when the questions are about intimacy or sex.
Thanks for the response.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

waiwera said:


> The length of time to respond is rather long...are you sure it's that long? Or does it just FEEL that long.
> 
> My H is someone who thinks before he speaks...unlike meeeeeee!
> 
> ...


Yes and she tells me she is thinking....... but I really think it is more about avoiding me than anything.
It could not take that long to think of a yes or no question.:scratchhead:


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