# Is holding hands too much to ask to make our sex life come alive again?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Help! We’ve had our problems (won’t go into them here) & I’ve found it increasingly difficult to be interested in making love because my OH has to a marked extent ‘withdrawn’ from the early demonstrations of affection like holding hands, touching during the day (for example arm around the shoulders, or waist, or whatever). It is definitely not that I’m not interested per se. He’s the best I’ve ever been with and despite the downs I want more than anything to return to multi-times a week, all kinds of orgasms & so on! It’s fairly fundamental, though – I know he loves & wants me but he seems incapable of understanding that without low-level intimacy during the day, not to mention getting over disagreements, dealing with 8yo etc., it’s no great turn-on to go straight into passionate kissing & sex at night. I understand to him it makes him feel rejected. I do understand that but he insists on calling my thoughts on the matter ‘making him jump through hoops’. I reckon it wouldn’t take much more than days, probably no more than a fortnight or so (guessing here) for me to feel loved up enough to ‘need’ less of the handy holdies …… any suggestions?


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi madimoff

I wonder if this will be helpful...my lady and I went through a period of very deep stress and, during that time, she became desparately clingy. I came to feel harassed, cornered, and, yes, even the simple, innocent pleasure of holding hands became too intrusive. Maybe your man needs a little more space, enough to allow him to feel he can take the initiative?


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

steve71 said:


> Hi madimoff
> 
> I wonder if this will be helpful...my lady and I went through a period of very deep stress and, during that time, she became desparately clingy. I came to feel harassed, cornered, and, yes, even the simple, innocent pleasure of holding hands became too intrusive. Maybe your man needs a little more space, enough to allow him to feel he can take the initiative?


Yep, I reckon that's pretty accurate but what I fear is he's got so entrenched in his rejection phobia (a problem with an ex means it's even worse for him than other men) that he just sees any suggestion of trying as setting himself up for a fall. I've wondered about writing some kind of mildly erotic email/letter to explain just how it would lead to more & better if he could just do the 'first base' type stuff as if a teenager. I think he thinks it's going to be forever; I don't see it that way, I see it as re-laying the groundwork of physical affection. I want him in me etc as much as ever before, just can't get over it being a bit too much wham bam thankyou mam after such a long time of unpleasantness. 
Ref. clingy, well yes a while back I'd say I was so desperate for reassurance it filled our every waking moment. 90% past that, need to move on, just don't seem able. The fact we live in different continents by his choice doesn't help.


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