# I think i need help



## londonman (Jan 21, 2012)

I am married to a wonderful woman that indulges me in my fetish for gloves, nylon, heels etc. We have a good and active sexlife. I am very lucky. My problem is that I really enjoy my wife using and abusing me, i like it when she hurts me. On occasions she becomes the 'mistress' and plays the role very well. However, i want her to hurt me more and to do it more frequently. I lie awake most mornings imaging her doing things to me for her gratification and pleasure. I am afraid that this desire for her to hurt me is going to cause a problem. I have written her letters explaining how i feel, but I can't talk to her as i get very embarassed. I think i need help before it gets worse.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you tried therapy ? I all seriousness you are finding out that the more she feeds your game the more you want to take it to a new extreme. Guess what, nits not going to be enough ever.

This isn't about sex in the case. You seem to have some emotional issues from inside you that a spilling over into your relationship.

Your like a girl who wants a bad boy to abuse her and she hops from one abusive relationship to another until she either wakes up an gets therapy to fix her, or gets sent to the hospital.

Get therapy to talk through your need to be hurt. It might save your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Debbie Roxs (Dec 30, 2011)

Shaggy I agree with your answer %100


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

Londonman, I disagree with Shaggy... this is simply your sexual dynamic, and so what it it's not popular. That does not make it 'right' or 'wrong'. It simply is.

It may be more popular than you think. There are support and social groups, and if you live in London you're lucky: you could live on the countryside like me.

You are indeed lucky. Nowhere in your letter do I see evidence that she's rejected you. It is unclear whether she thinks that she's considers BDSM and consensual power exchange a terrible chore, or if she enjoys it herself. In either way communication is important. 

(If my wife actually wanted something, I'd be all to happy to provide it on a regular basis... it wouldn't be a 'chore' but taking pleasure in a partner's pleasure.)

In sum, I recommend communication, and to discover those facts. The guilt... bin it.


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Do you enjoy 'regular'/less aggressive sex?
If you still do, then this 'fetish' of yours is not a massive issue.
Just don't overdo it - keep it as a 'rare gem' or something special she can do to please you. Better yet, make it a deal that only she can initiate this sort of sex (if anything, this might add to the fantasy...?)

It won't be a problem unless it takes over your sex lives and/or results in serious harm for you. Anything more than a bruise/small scratch on you, and you're probably asking for a bit much. Remember - she loves you, why would she want to really hurt you badly?

If you want to help 'balance' it out so your fantasy isn't dominating both of you, ask her about some of her wildest fantasies and indulge her. She'll love you for it, and perhaps you'll find some other avenues out there that'll get you going, too.

Having one obsessive fantasty is just like someone stuck in the missionary position; you have to move out of your 'zone' and not make it boring/repetitive for your partner, even if you still get pleasure from it.


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