# should i throw in the towel?



## sharonND (Nov 7, 2011)

At what point should a woman walk away from a marriage where she feels her husband doesnt like her. No matter how great the day, my husband always wants to remind me of the things he doesnt like about me. It is counterproductive to a happy marriage. My health has been bad recently, I think due to the stress of the situation with him. He wants to travel to all these places that are notorious for having beautiful women there and brings up wanting to go to these places constantly. He doesnt like me but claims he loves me. What i have discovered in myself is that i do not feel secure anymore and i am secretly terrified that he may leave me or cheat on me. We have never had any issues where he cheated on me or did anything to make me suspicious but i cant fathom how anyone can be married to someone for 10 years but not like them as a person. I dont like feeling insecure and i feel i deserve to be with someone who likes me as a person and loves me. He desnt want to go to counseling. He claims he loves me and wants to be with me but his actions tell a different story. I am tired of talking things out with him. Im ready to pack my bags and move on. Am i overexaggerating here?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would of left when he started to disrespect you. My ex husband always told me I was worthless and told me what he didn't like about me either. This is verbal abuse no matter what the tone of their voice is. My ex called me names and always told me I was a bltch. If he loved you, he wouldn't be disrespecting you the way he is. 

Is there more to this then your not telling us? Are you afraid of him or afraid of him leaving you? There is no reason to stay in a marriage where the partner no longer has love for the other. Good luck. Your not over exaggerating at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

So why haven't you packed your bags and left? What holds you there?


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## sharonND (Nov 7, 2011)

I have packed my bags numerous times but he always prevents me from leaving by taking my keys or begging me not to go and saying he will change. He is saying he will go to counseling so I guess that is going to be my last attempt. He says that he feels if he tells me enough times what he doesnt like, that i will change. Its funny because there are tons of things i dont like about him but i dont dwell on it or tell him because i dont want to hurt him. He puts out mixed messages. Either way I cant help but feel insecure. He says that me trying to leave him causes resentment but im like, why would anyone want to stay with someone whos so mean. I am torn. I love this person, but i hate feeling like this. I will see how counseling goes. Does counseling help most couples? My husband says he will stop saying mean things, so we'll see.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ah, the cycle of abuse. Just leave. Does he work? Leave then. He wants you to stay because it makes him feel powerful to control and abuse you.

I suggest therapy for you. You need to get some self-respect and learn your worth. Couples therapy, right now, wouldn't really work because you seem to have your own issues to work through.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Sharon sorry you are here I believe their is no reason that anyone male or female has to except unexceptable behavior ie abusive behavior from anyone. If he is willing as he says to go IC or MC then let him make the arrangements if after a time he doesnt follow through then you need to decide what is best for YOU and what you want in a marriage/relationship if he doesnt fit the bill then pack your bags and leave. Their are too many other decent folks out their to accept this type of behavior IMHO.
Good Luck !!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sharonND said:


> At what point should a woman walk away from a marriage where she feels her husband doesnt like her.


When she is good and ready. 
When you have had enough, you will know.
My ex was this way. I can tell you that one day you will grow tired of it and leave.
Why do you want to be with someone who treats you badly as doesn't like you or respect you as a person/a woman/a wife?


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## sharonND (Nov 7, 2011)

I appreciate the responses. My husband tells me a lot of things about men and once he told me that a lot of men do various things to cope with a pain in the neck wife at home. He says some men play golf, some go out with friends, etc. with the point being that for those men, getting out of the home gives them whatever it is they need to be able to tolerate the wife at home. I appreciate what he is saying and understand that is how he sees things and for many men may actually be true. In our relationship, we work 90% of the time and the other 10% we spend together with friends and/or family. 

I honestly don't trust him going out with friends and we don't have friends that want to go out alone anyway, fortunately. The wild rambunctious single friends we both used to have, we essentially lost touch with over the years. So my point is, my husband doesn't feel like he has a true alternative or outlet for whatever issues he feels he may have other than to just tell it to me.

The few single friends I have when they have want to go out, he says he doesn't feel comfortable with that and I am ok with it. We do part take in some sports which we do together or sometimes we go to the sport events by ourselves.

I guess the point I'm curious about is, for those of you who have been married for 10 years or so, do you think that being together too much can be a problem for a relationship? We are not under each others necks but we spend the small amount of free time we have together and not apart for the most part. I dont want a relationship where we are both always out apart with friends. I like the way things are, I just wish he didnt have the urge to always want to go to strip clubs or on vacations to places where he only wants to go to look at beautiful women. I just have a small amount of hope that things will get better so that i haven't wasted 10 years of my life. Looking at women doesnt kill me but planning vacations based on it is crazy in my opinion.

What do the married men think. Can things get better or do you think he really wants out but wont say anything? Maybe I am overreacting. Unfortunately, I have many married friends and the women let the husbands run wild so there is no god relationship models around me other than the one we have which isnt good either.

All I want is to have a man that appreciates me, respects me, wants to be with me and will make a conscious effort to make me feel secure and wanted in the relationship. I feel I do so much for this guy but at the end of the day, he just demands and wants everything to be his way. I am not a passive person and no matter how hard I try, I cannot be. When I don't give in to his wants, its an argument all the time. We argue constantly. I dont want to be single. I dont want to give up and walk away, but i just dont know how to tolerate what I tolerate on a daily basis and not want to leave.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

sharonND said:


> I guess the point I'm curious about is, for those of you who have been married for 10 years or so, do you think that being together too much can be a problem for a relationship?
> 
> My wife and I have been married for 12 years I honestly wish we could spend more time together, we get in a good amount of quality time we try to make time for that. my wife likes to do zumba so her and her GFs go to Zumba classes, I on the other hand like working out I think it is healthy for couples to do things together and separtly.
> 
> ...


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