# New Friends?



## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

Does anyone else feel like they need to find new friends now that they are separated/divorced? 

It feels like all of my friends were "our" friends- couples who we did things with as couples that we have known for 15 years. Our kids grew up together. Now it's just so lonely. When I need friends the most I am alone. So I drive around or watch TV or go online on this forum or work 12 hour days but I really miss not only the intimacy but also just having the companionship. 

I am also angry that he has the OW (he has been seeing her for the last year of our marriage) so he has not had to feel lonely or unloved for even a second. I try not to be bitter but it is so hard when you feel so alone.

How do you find new friends as an older (46 year old) single person (my work peers are all married too and the ones that aren't are 20 somethings)? :scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I have a similar problem... All my friends are married or young. Haven't found a solution yet.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I am sorry to hear this, our couple friends have all reached out to me, the women are totally supportive of me. the guys are still playing golf with my H. I think it will be hard on Saturday nights when they go out to dinner, etc. but so far that has not been happening. Are there any clubs or hobby groups you could join?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I have the same problem. It's interesting how people 'forget about you' after a divorce. I found many new friends through Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup. It's a website where you can find groups in your zip code with different interest. I joined a group for Single parents and met some wonderful people.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Hmmm. I'm a 20 something and I have this problem. I had to pick up and move so I have no friends here at all. 
Also I have no idea where to find/make friends.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I too am on the lookout for new friends. I finally am starting to look forward to a new change. (A positive one for once) Just need to find a place to do it...Seems like a common theme. Didn't think I would be saying that at age 40


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## Amergin (Mar 31, 2011)

I am in a similar situation. My wife and kids have been my life for so long, I have let my old friends drift away and haven't kept in touch. I work with mainly women and don't feel comfortable spending a lot of time outside of work with them (afraid my Sex Addicition will kick in), so it's doubly difficult for me to find people to hang out with. I've used Meetup.com, but it seems those are mainly for singles and I'm not looking to meet anyone new for a relationship. I just want some people I can go out with. I've started attending Church again and hope to get involved in some of their activities and I've signed up as a free agent for some of our local adult athletic leagues. Crossing my fingers I can get picked up. On top of that, I only have Sundays and Mondays free, as I've got the kids the remaining nights of the week. I tend to isolate myself and get depressed, so it's even more important I get out. My wife believes that I can't be alone and want her back only because of that fact. Sometimes, I think she may be right.  It sucks to be alone.


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## for better or for worse (Jul 4, 2011)

Yeah, that is the tough part. Supposed to go out and meet new friends, but being in my late 20's, most people i know are all engaged/newlyweds. It is hard spending time with them, I am truly happy for them, and tell them to not take the marriage for granted.

How does everyone else meet new people?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Do more of what you like to do.
Volunteer.
Develop good boundaries and also openness (kind of a balance).
Smile more if you sense that someone has qualities you might admire in a friend.
Extend invitations that are appropriate for a new acquaintance with a common interest. often an invite to a group event is best than a one-one.
Teach a class or take a fun class.
Take yourself out to places you like to go.


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## for better or for worse (Jul 4, 2011)

Thanks, those are some good ideas,


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My town's slogan (not kidding at all, it is on signs on all roads that enter the town) is:

"Enter here to be and find a friend."

I'm moving, but the sentiment can be applied to wherever home is, and that is of course where the heart is.

I get a feeling from other people's postings that they might live in places that don't have 'community' or where there is community but it is not taken seriously. As I type this one of the members of a community group formed just to have a community group (they're called homesteaders but the purpose is not like making your own log cabin and killing deer for clothes, lol) is mowing my lawn (for pay) even though he knows the bill will be put in my STBXH's name and I will be leaving. Until we leave the kids need a place to play so he is doing a good job right up until the time we leave. Likely he will offer to take the clothesline that fell down to the dump to put in the white trash bin/demolition/construction debris heap. Until the day I leave I will keep picking up trash on the side of the road when I walk my dog. I went to 4th of July and we all know I won't go next year, but my kids and I will come back to do a school roadrace fundraiser so long as our new community does not need us on that day for anything similar. 

It is different I think living in a place where there is community. You can feel supported and have a sense of belonging warts and all without necessarily being friends. It is difficult to explain.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Getting myself out and wheere the people are is impossible right now. No car, no money because H left me high and dry. Mutual friends have all but disappeared for both of us, one couple before this mess ever started, they owe us $$$. H talked to them recently and told them that the repayments should be made to me, HA! Like that will ever happen. Friends his livelihood to us, paid for school for him to get a CDL a few years back, then trained/hired him as driver for our company.

Anyway, I think most of them are afraid that continued friendship with either of us might be interpreted as "taking sides". H is in another state now, I'm here. Even H says they all like me, they're his friends from childhood. They known me for 25years, even invited to our son's wedding. Just at a loss as to how to "move on" in this aspect. Being 50 doesn't help either.


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## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

I think my initial post struck a chord with a lot of people. When I read all of your responses it seems like many of us regardless of age are trying to figure out how to connect. Either our friends aren't there because they are couple friends or we are living in a different place with no community or we don't have $ or a car to get around ... it sounds like we are all struggling to find a place where we belong. At least we have this forum!

Thanks for the good ideas (volunteering, joining a gym, the Meetup group, etc.). 

Good luck to all of us!


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Try the meetup groups(I left the link above). There are hundreds of groups everywhere(i bet you will find one in your city) and most of them are free. Our single parents group also organizes pub night twice a month for the adults and it is a great success.


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