# Rejected



## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

Hi, I’ve only been married for 2 years and I feel like we have sex soooo infrequent ( once a month) . 
I make the effort to initiate but gets rejected. At times I find him chatting with girls ( it is harmless) and most of the times playing games. 
we don’t have kids but 2 dogs.
And in this 2 years being super busy I’ve gained 15kgs and struggling with body image.
So when I plainly asked him let’s have sex, instead of jumping at it ; he just told me to wait so that he could finish his online course…
Sex is bout 10 mins and he’s done.
I don’t know really what’s going on.
Am I really being petty or do I have the rights to be angry ?


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

10min a month is serious. No quality, no quantity, no interest. 

Just for background.. 

Are you two affectionate with each other at all?

Have you also tried being seductive vs asking for sex directly?


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## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> 10min a month is serious. No quality, no quantity, no interest.
> 
> Just for background..
> 
> ...


We are affectionate. To be honest I used to be crazy about him, totally worked out the long distance and got married.
And I asked for sex directly. 
still his reply was ‘ I’m on coursera, can you wait?’

My sexual preference isn’t his type so naturally I give in to his ; but that’s really not enough. At all.
Sometimes I just want to run away.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’m never going to be able to comprehend long distance relationships..... never. It doesn’t even make sense.


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## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> I’m never going to be able to comprehend long distance relationships..... never. It doesn’t even make sense.


I was working a few states away when we were dating. We both made the effort to make it work. Now I work close to his place.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DepressedDevil said:


> And I asked for sex directly.
> still his reply was ‘ I’m on coursera, can you wait?


Not a lady here but that would never happen in a million years. Even if I was on my death bed if my wife was like “Hey you I want it.” I would somehow find a way.


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## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Not a lady here but that would never happen in a million years. Even if I was on my death bed if my wife was like “Hey you I want it.” I would somehow find a way.


EXACTYL ! Idk I have a bad feeling that he found someone else 🤷🏾‍♀️
he said sorry and that’s it. Asked if I was pissed and I said yea
All he said was ‘ I had work to do’ 
This feels horrible.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DepressedDevil said:


> EXACTYL ! Idk I have a bad feeling that he found someone else 🤷🏾‍♀️
> he said sorry and that’s it. Asked if I was pissed and I said yea
> All he said was ‘ I had work to do’
> This feels horrible.


Is he at work? Does he work from home? Or are we talking a game?

you say course is this a work course? Is this a college course?

needless to say when he got done with his work did he then come for sex?


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## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Is he at work? Does he work from home? Or are we talking a game?
> 
> you say course is this a work course? Is this a college course?
> 
> needless to say when he got done with his work did he then come for sex?


He’s working from home and it’s a course related to his work. It’s like do it at your own time kinda course.
Nope he didnt . I had to cook dinner and when I’m done , took a shower and he came in to ask if I wanted to have dinner. I said no coz I really wasn’t up for it and he asked if I was upset bout earlier. 
I said yea and he said im sorry I had work to do.
That’s it


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DepressedDevil said:


> He’s working from home and it’s a course related to his work. It’s like do it at your own time kinda course.
> Nope he didnt . I had to cook dinner and when I’m done , took a shower and he came in to ask if I wanted to have dinner. I said no coz I really wasn’t up for it and he asked if I was upset bout earlier.
> I said yea and he said im sorry I had work to do.
> That’s it


Well your frequency is low and that can be frustrating but…

why not say you understand and let’s have sex after dinner?

initiating during work is fine but saying no should be fine too. By skipping dinner you are missing time to connect.

I know my husband doesn’t skip work for sex very often as he is a responsible person.

Try initiating again.


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## DepressedDevil (Jul 11, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well your frequency is low and that can be frustrating but…
> 
> why not say you understand and let’s have sex after dinner?
> 
> ...


Well I guess you are right . I’ll try again. 
I’m just scared to get rejected again


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Don’t be worried about that. Be more worried about your relationship.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

He told you to wait til the course was done now it is go grab his butt and say time to get some.😊


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

There are many things that can be going on.

he could be having an emotional affair with an online girl.

he could be spanking to porn too much

physical affair

lost connectedness from not spending time together

he maybe low drive

he may just not even realize when you are initiating

Physical problems like depression or ED, low testosterone and such.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

How about just straight-out ask him: "Why don't you want to have sex with me more often?"

Granted, you'll probably get a bunch of lame excuses, but you can tell him calmly that you're concerned. Also just tell him you are not satisfied. 

It's worth a shot.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

So did you go back and initiate sex? How did it go?


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## panda11 (Jul 12, 2021)

DepressedDevil said:


> Hi, I’ve only been married for 2 years and I feel like we have sex soooo infrequent ( once a month) .
> I make the effort to initiate but gets rejected. At times I find him chatting with girls ( it is harmless) and most of the times playing games.
> we don’t have kids but 2 dogs.
> And in this 2 years being super busy I’ve gained 15kgs and struggling with body image.
> ...


I struggled with the same thing in my marriage. I was always the one asking for sex and most of the time he would dismiss me giving me some excuse. His favorite to use it that he just liked hearing me beg for it and that he just wanted to build up to it. Now that I look back I realize that there was a bigger issue.. and I don't mean infidelity or anything like that, but definately things he wasn't telling me about that nothing to do with sex.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DepressedDevil said:


> We are affectionate. To be honest I used to be crazy about him, totally worked out the long distance and got married.
> And I asked for sex directly.
> still his reply was ‘ I’m on coursera, can you wait?’
> 
> ...


Before you got married did you have a hot sex life or is this someone you married without really knowing them in person? He just doesn't sound like a sexual person. I mean surely you knew what he was like sexually before you married? Or was he super sexual then and now he isn't interested anymore?

Honestly I don't know a thing you couldn't do about it either way but I wouldn't stay married or have kids if things weren't working out this early on. Too easy to just leave and find someone else.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

DepressedDevil said:


> He’s working from home and it’s a course related to his work. It’s like do it at your own time kinda course.
> Nope he didnt . I had to cook dinner and when I’m done , took a shower and he came in to ask if I wanted to have dinner. I said no coz I really wasn’t up for it and he asked if I was upset bout earlier.
> I said yea and he said im sorry I had work to do.
> That’s it


He's getting it online. He's going to porn and waking himself off. These are classic signs when you've caught him chatting with other women, he's passing up sex with a willing partner and seems disinterested all around. High chances he's a porn addict. If you checked his browsing history your mind will be be blown.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What? He’s got his fairly new wife chasing after him for sex and he rejects you to finish an online self paced course? I’ve been with my wife for nearly 34 years total and I would drop what I’m doing if my wife was initiating sex in the middle of the day. You’re in your 2nd year of marriage ; he should be having a hard time concentrating on work/school because he can’t get enough of you.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

@DepressedDevil did you try again? Any progress to report?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

DepressedDevil said:


> Hi, I’ve only been married for 2 years and I feel like we have sex soooo infrequent ( once a month) .
> I make the effort to initiate but gets rejected. At times I find him chatting with girls ( it is harmless) and most of the times playing games.
> we don’t have kids but 2 dogs.
> And in this 2 years being super busy I’ve gained 15kgs and struggling with body image.
> ...


Try saying to him, "I'm having sex tonight. You have first option on being my partner." I'm not suggesting following through with the veiled threat of having an affair, but maybe he will get the message as to what you're thinking.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Have you read about asexuality. (there is a .org website). Its more common than many people think.

It explained a lot for what had been going on in my marriage.


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

Some people are just oppositional as a method of control. My ex was like this. If I wanted sex, he didn’t. He only wanted it when I did not want it or was not trying to initiate. He was a class A d-bag control freak.

Try to stop asking for or initiating sex. Maybe this will get your husband’s attention and he will begin to initiate more.

If that doesn’t work then perhaps the two of you just aren’t compatible. Better to find out now than after you have children.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

MEA said:


> Some people are just oppositional as a method of control. My ex was like this. If I wanted sex, he didn’t. He only wanted it when I did not want it or was not trying to initiate. He was a class A d-bag control freak.


That seems a little extreme on his part but I do think a lot of guys get turned off by women being agressive. 

It probably doesn't help either that OP doesn't really seem to be standing up for herself. She's unhappy but not raking him over the coals about it. Just asking for sex on a regular basis and getting rejected apparently. And accepting it.

Agressive and a pushover, two turn offs rolled into one. A woman could look like Angelina Jolie and make a man lose interest acting like that. Like you said she really needs to start making him work for it a little or else they're probably doomed.


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