# Where to Start



## shinerbock1982 (Apr 1, 2008)

This is my first post and I'm so pleased to see that there are places where I can ask certain questions. 

I have recently admitted to my fiance that I have been cheating on her for a few months as our relationship has been on hard times. We have talked since and she understands why I cheated and we are both willing to make things work. We are truely in love and I know that I will never cheat especially now that I know how it feels to be without and hurt the one you love most. I have purchased a book on how to better our relationship but the one things that we are uncertain of is how do we start? We currently are taking time away from one another and are no longer living together. So we have come to the decision to try and work things out but don't know how to get the ball rolling?

Do I move back in immediately?

Do we try dating again?

I mean I feel like we should dive back in and work things out but I want to make sure we do the right thing. 

Can anyone offer some advice?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

wow, first of all you are lucky she is still around. Secondly, what did you gain from cheating and why did you? Did you really gain anything?

Anyway, I would take it slow, call off the engagement, start a new. Dating that is, She will need time to trust you again, if she ever can, it will be a long painful process.

Really sorry to hear this,


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I agree with GAsoccerman. If you are currently living separately, I would keep it that way & start by dating again. She may understand your reasons for cheating, but she will still need reassurance that it won't happen again. You will need to rebuild her trust in you.


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## shinerbock1982 (Apr 1, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> wow, first of all you are lucky she is still around. Secondly, what did you gain from cheating and why did you? Did you really gain anything?
> 
> Anyway, I would take it slow, call off the engagement, start a new. Dating that is, She will need time to trust you again, if she ever can, it will be a long painful process.
> 
> Really sorry to hear this,


Thank you for replying to my post, I appreciate your help. I truely am lucky that she is willing to work things out and I am so glad that she is. Why did I cheat? Well obviously it is a long story but the short of it is that for a long time I felt neglected. Basically I didn't get the attention that I needed and eventually I didn't get enough affection or sex. I found someone who paid attention to me and I strayed. It was really stupid and I should have worked harder and talked about how I felt. I took the easy way out and now I understand how stupid it was. 

What did I gain? Well I gained a lot of knowledge. I realized how much I love my girl because when I lost her I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. I also learned that open communication could have saved us a lot of heart ache and going forward I am going to be totally open and honest. I've learned a lot about myself and about what needs to change in order to make things work. I'm choosing to focus on the postive rather than the negative and try and learn from my mistakes. I'm going to see a councelor about fixing myself and then we are going to get some couples couceling. 

Thank you guys for the help and if there are any other thoughts or advice you would like to share please feel free.

Thank you again


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## BrokenFrag (Mar 25, 2008)

Shinerbock, you are a lucky man for a couple of reasons. First, that you have someone who loves you and is willing to forgive you. Second, you have the emotional and rational capacity to take responsibility for what you did and for understanding how important communication really is in a long term relationship. Not all people who make mistakes are able to understand what they did nor would they take responsibility for it. I would let your fiance decide at which pace to proceed because she will need to relearn to trust you. Be consistent and confident in your efforts so show you have changed and that you can be trusted again. She will need to make consistent efforts to show her appreciation and love for you. If you both love each other, and you are both committed to making your relationship a happy and healthy one, then it will work out for you. Keep communicating and good luck.


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