# Wife mid-life-crisis? Any expereince?



## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

You can go read my other posts to see the details of my situation.

Two months ago my wife of 12 years declared that she wanted a divorce and that there was nothing I could do or say to make her change her mind - couples counseling is out of the question, so I'm going for myself.

I am having trouble defining my situation. She says that I have treated her badly our whole relationship. She said that she has changed a lot over the last year and become a much stronger person and that divorce was the only option.

We adopted a son just 3 1/2 years ago, which makes me wonder "If you knew you were being treated poorly all this time, what made you think adopting a son with me would be a good idea for any of us three involved?" She thinks I'm a great person and a father, she just doesn't want me anymore.

There one online affair in there that I know about... maybe another, but no physical affair that she's having. I got the "love but not in love" speech, but when I suggested there might be somebody else she says I don't want to accept the reality that it's just us that is the problem.

Not like I would expect her to come out and confess that unless I had hard proof, which I don't. I only have inferential information from an anonymous social site.

She says that she realized she isn't where she pictured herself being at this time in her life.

Does any of this sound like a midlife crisis?

Don't get me wrong. I know there are plenty of things I did wrong, but I had no idea how she felt. I'd at least like the chance to show her I can change, but any talk of reconciliation sends her over the edge.

We still live together, separately, but things are totally civil. We hang out we joke we watch TV together, it's just weird. You would think if you had such strong feelings about somebody you wouldn't be able to stand them.

I don't know. People who know me already here will understand I'm just trying to understand her half of this. It was just so abrupt.

She refuses to tell her family, because they will literally say "WTF?!" So we're doing the separation hoe-down in our house for financial reasons at least for the next 6 months, at which time we are going to physically separate for 6 months at my request. I think she's just humoring me about that, though.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

im going to say one thig to you hail because it looks like you pulled a page right out of my story book. AFFAIR,AFFAIR,AFFAIR be carefull my friend she is in denial and i can almost gurantee she is hiding something from you how has youe relationship been prior to her announcing she wanted a divorce?



CPT


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

Yeah, I know. There is something going on, but I'm pretty damn sure it's just online.

She rarely leaves the house and we work together.

We did have problems before the announcement. I found about online guy #1 in November and confronted her. She said it was over. He and his wife are in counseling. "I betrayed her trust by spying on her"

So things smoothed out for a while, but I had a hard time letting it go. She said I made it seem like she F'ed him and it was just online.

The thing blew up when I thought she was talking to him on her cell and suggested such. She said she was fed up with me not trusting her and that I was apparently never going to get over it - Oh, and BTW here's everything else you did wrong...

Guy #2, I believe has manifested after the fact.

But like I said. It's all online but that doesn't mean it couldn't become physical.

The thing I was getting at is all of a sudden her life isn't the way she thought it would be and she needs to get away from me to find that life.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i would be careful that their isnt anybody else in her mix of friends.and she blames you for all this? thats one of the first signs of an affair.my wife whom i love dearly was one i would never have thought in a million years would be a cheater i grew up with her my entire life.and for the record we have been seperated almost 6 months now shes living with him and ****ing him every night just dont let it get as far as i did my friend. stand tall while you still have the chance.and as far as her getting pissed about you spying on her why would she get so pissed if she didnt have anything to hide? shes the one that broke your marraige vows not you it time she face the bad choices she has made dont let her make you feel bad about it stand up for yourself you deserve to be treated better than that.



CPT


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## HailMary (Mar 3, 2009)

This is not a situation that one can argue their way out of. If I had concrete proof that would be another thing.


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