# Stains on boxers



## Jenwarren76

My relationship has been pretty rough from the start. After the first year of living together I noticed my husband would leave the bedroom after we would lay down to go to sleep. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up during the night and noticed he still wasn’t in bed... I decided to go to the living room to see what he was doing and caught him watching porn. When I confronted him about it he got really defensive and said it’s none of my business what he does on his alone time. I then started noticing he would take his phone in the shower with him. One night he was in there for a long time and when he came out I wanted to have sex and he said he didn’t want to so I asked if he had watched porn in the shower and he screamed at me and said yes! Then another night we had been intimate and then went to bed , I woke up like 2 hours later about 2 in the morning and he wasn’t in the bed.... so I went to the living room and caught him watching porn again and I told him i couldn’t believe him because we just had sex and I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I have also snooped on his phone and noticed he’s been watching porn constantly! Then I saw a web cam site he was looking at too! I never told him because he’s know I snooped. To me this goes way beyond watching porn! These are actual live girls! Just recently I was doing the laundry and noticed semen stains on the “outside” of his boxers! All that goes through my mind is he had sexual with someone ! How else could stains be on the outside! I haven’t confronted him about it and don’t know how. I’m beginning to think that he cheated on me even though we have sex almost every night he still watches porn and now I find this! Please someone tell me what all this means!!


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## ConanHub

How long have you been married?

I don't know that he is cheating. He is absolutely a porn addict and has to get his fix regardless of whether he has sex with you or not.

I would honestly suggest cutting it off if you wouldn't be put in a bind.

He isn't healthy and getting a porn addict to reform is like fighting an uphill battle for years.


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## Jenwarren76

We’ve been together for 3 years now and every time I bring up the topic of his porn obsession he gets angry and sees nothing wrong with it. I feel like the live web cam watching now is leading to other things, like he’s curious about being with other women. I’m just not understanding how his boxers would have stains on the outside??? It wasn’t just a spot it was quit a bit . I talked to my friend about it and she thinks he had a sexual envy with someone and didn’t take his clothes off but kep then in just pulling his make part through the front. This keeps going through my mind because it makes sense and I’m so scared to talk about it with him


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## ConanHub

How did you meet and start dating?


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## Jenwarren76

WE met through a childhood friend


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## Diana7

This is something that I just wouldn't put up with. Porn use will often lead to more extreme porn or other things. You may need to give him an ultimatum, you or them, and mean it. Whether he is doing anything sexual with another in person or not, this won't stop unless you do something. As for the webcam being actual live girls, yes it is, but porn is also real girls. Both just as bad as each other.
To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him.


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## Mr.Married

I'm a man and yes .... I watch porn.....and so do all my buddies. 

With that being said I don't know anyone that is that hard set into it like your husband and surely that cam girl stuff is WAY off the deep end !

As far as the boxer shorts goes .... it's probably the nearest thing he grabbed while jerking off to porn. 

People with porn issues are usually very defensive about it .... especially if it is something they hide from their spouse. 

I'm with @Diana7 on this one ..... "To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him."

Some of those cam girls are probably caught up in sex slavery ........ it's horrible to even think about.

EDIT: I want to add that if for you porn is a no go in relationships ....... then you have every right in the world to defend that position. Setting your own boundaries is a good thing.


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## Jenwarren76

So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕


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## Tilted 1

Yes it's shame at work, here and now he's on the attack .


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## Mr.Married

Jenwarren76 said:


> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕



OMG ....... that’s terrible!!!!!!!
I agree you need counsel....the legal kind.

Ok now with that out the way......it might be his defense mechanism kicking in to back you down because likely that kind of talk worked in the past. Either way it is a horrible way to treat your spouse. How far do you think you can push him ? Who will back down first?


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## Tilted 1

" But none of your business ", is fear talking. But deny he may and but it still will not solved this issues. As it may be does this shake your world so much that it is affecting your physic or would you let him indulge once in awhile? I can imagine if my wife needed to look at other men. It would be my straw the broke the camel's back. But that's me and l have enough determination to leave. Do you?


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## Girl_power

He’s a jerk. Your brining up your concerns and he is turning it around on you and getting mad at you. This is such manipulation. Your his wife, of course you have the right to know what he is doing in his free time. 
If he isn’t willing to work with you then you should leave him.


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## Mr.Married

You never mentioned anything about kids unless I missed it. 

There is at least one ex porn addict here....if he wants to talk about it... or his wife.


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## Ursula

Jenwarren76 said:


> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕


Well, he sounds like a real sweetheart. I agree with @Tilted 1 and @Mr.Married here: he’s shaming you for calling him out (which is really low), and you do need counsel of the legal kind. He needs counsel of the therapy kind, and has a real addiction to porn. I personally haven’t dealt with something like that, but have heard that it’s really hard to fix within a relationship.

In a relationship, both people need to communicate and feel comfortable bringing up issues that may arise. When one person does that, and the other person throws it in the face of the spouse who brought it up, that’s just plain mean. It also sounds like he’s being manipulative and controlling, which are always fun to deal with as well. I dealt with a spouse at one point who also told me that I needed counselling (but because I like a clean house). That’s manipulation at it’s finest, and no one needs to put up with **** like that.


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## StillSearching

Jenwarren76 said:


> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕


Is there any childhood trauma in your past?


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## Mr.Married

StillSearching said:


> Jenwarren76 said:
> 
> 
> 
> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
> 
> 
> 
> Is there any childhood trauma in your past?
Click to expand...

What makes you think that?


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## 3Xnocharm

StillSearching said:


> Is there any childhood trauma in your past?


What in the world does that have to do with her husband having a porn addiction??

OP you are in for a nasty, uphill battle to try and get him out of this addiction. There are many women who have posted in this forum with the same issue and it normally doesnt end well. Your situation is a bit different due to the fact that your H is still intimate with you, usually what we see here is that the heavy porn use renders the H unable to perfom with the W any more. He attacked you the way he did because he knows that you are right about his problem, likely he may feel some shame over it. Dont let him gaslight you into thinking that YOU are the one with an issue. Were this me, I would draw a hard line about this... get professional help because either the porn goes or I do. He has a serious, serious problem and sadly it isnt one that you can fix for him.


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## Jenwarren76

I am beside myself with this and don’t know how to handle this. I feel broken and hurt. How does someone say they love you and you’re good enough but do all that and then say they hate you? I’m so confused and lost


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## sokillme

You can't have a marriage without both people being engaged. I think if we are honest most men look at porn from time to time, and women do too. But this man is obsessing, and then when you try to talk to him about it he is "dismissive" to put it nicely. You are right to be worried, maybe this guy isn't the one.

On a different note you need to stop comparing yourself or your desirability to his watching porn. It's not the same thing, it would be like a guy comparing himself to a vibrator. That being said when the wife starts choosing the vibrator over the husband it's a big problem, but it says nothing about the husbands desirability.


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## Jenwarren76

What would a childhood trauma have to do with it?


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## She'sStillGotIt

Personally, I'd be *done* with any man who called me a "[email protected]@&ing low life" and told me he hated me.

Jen, you need to find your self respect. Just because your husband is a sexual deviant and may be addicted to porn DOESN'T give him the right to disrespect you to THAT level. Never allow *anyone* to disrespect you like that!


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## Mr.Married

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Personally, I'd be *done* with any man who called me a "[email protected]@&ing low life" and told me he hated me.



True Dat !!!!!


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## StillSearching

Jenwarren76 said:


> What would a childhood trauma have to do with it?


Well, it affects everything in your life.
Your life is the only thing YOU can change.
Any therapist worth their salt will ask you this.
YOU can't get anyone out of any addiction, no matter how hard you try or how hard people try to tell you how to do it.

You want things to be better?
Did you have childhood trauma in your life?


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## Mr.Married

StillSearching said:


> Well, it affects everything in your life.
> Your life is the only thing YOU can change.
> Any therapist worth their salt will ask you this.
> YOU can't get anyone out of any addiction, no matter how hard you try or how hard people try to tell you how to do it.
> 
> You want things to be better?
> Did you have childhood trauma in your life?


I'll just repeat the words of @3Xnocharm " What in the world does that have to do with her husband having a porn addiction??"


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## Lila

StillSearching said:


> Jenwarren76 said:
> 
> 
> 
> What would a childhood trauma have to do with it?
> 
> 
> 
> Well, it affects everything in your life.
> Your life is the only thing YOU can change.
> Any therapist worth their salt will ask you this.
> YOU can't get anyone out of any addiction, no matter how hard you try or how hard people try to tell you how to do it.
> 
> You want things to be better?
> Did you have childhood trauma in your life?
Click to expand...

I too would like to know why it's important to know if SHE has childhood trauma? HE'S the one with the porn addiction. Shouldn't the question be "did HE have childhood trauma?". Even if she did have trauma, how will that help his porn addiction?


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## StillSearching

Lila said:


> I too would like to know why it's important to know if SHE has childhood trauma? HE'S the one with the porn addiction. Shouldn't the question be "did HE have childhood trauma?". Even if she did have trauma, how will that help his porn addiction?


HE's the one with the porn addiction, yes. But what exactly do you think SHE can do about that? nothing....nothing until she has a solid foundation to work from.
A lot of people who are child abuse victims have sexual addiction problems and marry sexual addicted spouses.
No and She can only fix herself.

Beating up on your spouse here is fun, but it's not going to go anywhere.
She can leave, yes, but if she does not address a past trauma..if she has one...this will repeat itself later.


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## Lila

StillSearching said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> 
> I too would like to know why it's important to know if SHE has childhood trauma? HE'S the one with the porn addiction. Shouldn't the question be "did HE have childhood trauma?". Even if she did have trauma, how will that help his porn addiction?
> 
> 
> 
> HE's the one with the porn addiction, yes. But what exactly do you think SHE can do about that? nothing....nothing until she has a solid foundation to work from.
> A lot of people who are child abuse victims have sexual addiction problems and marry sexual addicted spouses.
> No and She can only fix herself.
> 
> Beating up in your spouse is fun, but it's not going to go anywhere.
> She can leave, yes, but if she does not address a past trauma..if she has one...this will repeat itself later.
Click to expand...

Again, even if she does have sexual trauma what does that have to do with her husband's porn addiction? Your comment comes off as though once she resolves any of her issues, his porn problem will magically go away. That's simply not true. Nothing she does will fix him. He has to want to fix himself and most porn/sex addicts don't get there until they've hit rock bottom. 

I would recommend she leave her porn addicted spouse, since she can't change him, and then go see a therapist to address any of her issues. She may or may not find someone with whom to have another relationship but I'm sure that is preferable to being treated like trash.


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## StillSearching

Lila said:


> Again, even if she does have sexual trauma what does that have to do with her husband's porn addiction? Your comment comes off as though once she resolves any of her issues, his porn problem will magically go away. That's simply not true. Nothing she does will fix him. He has to want to fix himself and most porn/sex addicts don't get there until they've hit rock bottom.
> 
> I would recommend she leave her porn addicted spouse, since she can't change him, and then go see a therapist to address any of her issues. She may or may not find someone with whom to have another relationship but I'm sure that is preferable to being treated like trash.


I feel as if you are hijacking this thread......I answered this question twice.


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## StillSearching

OP, Did you have childhood trauma in your life?


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## Lila

StillSearching said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> 
> Again, even if she does have sexual trauma what does that have to do with her husband's porn addiction? Your comment comes off as though once she resolves any of her issues, his porn problem will magically go away. That's simply not true. Nothing she does will fix him. He has to want to fix himself and most porn/sex addicts don't get there until they've hit rock bottom.
> 
> I would recommend she leave her porn addicted spouse, since she can't change him, and then go see a therapist to address any of her issues. She may or may not find someone with whom to have another relationship but I'm sure that is preferable to being treated like trash.
> 
> 
> 
> I feel as if you are hijacking this thread......I answered this question twice.
Click to expand...

 I feel as if you are blaming the OP for something she has no control over. At the very least it sounds as if you are putting the responsibility of the OP's husband's porn addiction on her shoulders. I think I'm not the only one.

OP, please understand that your husband's porn issues have NOTHING to do with you. You are not to blame yourself and you are not to take responsibility for them.


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## Jenwarren76

I did have some trauma when I was14 but that has nothing to do with this mans actions


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## Mr.Married

Hi Jen and thanks for coming back.

I just went back and read your posts again.

You have only been with this CHUMP for 3 years ..... and bad from the start.

Please ...... DUMP and RUN.

You will never have a better opportunity than now to cut your loses and find someone that can respect and love you.

1 year from now you won't believe you even considered staying !!!


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## StillSearching

Lila said:


> I feel as if you are blaming the OP for something she has no control over. At the very least it sounds as if you are putting the responsibility of the OP's husband's porn addiction on her shoulders. I think I'm not the only one.
> 
> OP, please understand that your husband's porn issues have NOTHING to do with you. * You are not to blame yourself and you are not to take responsibility for them*.


That's right....

You feel this? You feel that? Your not the only one?
What does that mean to the OP? How does that help her?

OP, Would you like a way out of your chaos?
Would you like to know what you have to do?


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## StillSearching

Jenwarren76 said:


> I did have some trauma when I was14 but that has nothing to do with this mans actions


Good...How did I know.
You can get to a better place.
Stop focusing on him and work on you.
See our past effects all of us later. 
All I've read and studied about sexual addiction points mostly to past trauma, on one side or both.
My wife is a sex addict. I tried to fix her....unsuccessfully. It wasn't until I focused on ME and only me and my behavior did things start to get better. I'm now in a place where I help others and have a great life.
You cannot fix him...period. But you can make your life much better, very few addicts see there spouse's changes and follow.
But in the long run you will have to address your past. Don't listen to all the barking about his behavior, it's just that here. 
If you'd like more ideas about what I did you can PM me. I'd be glad to share them with you.


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## solost12

Hi - To me it’s cheating. I had that issue with my husband years ago and I Would question the same thing! It made no sense that he had all of these white spots on the front of his underwear! And sometimes it was hard and crusty sometimes it wasn’t but I’m positive it’s because he was having sex with someone with his underwear only have a little down and those were her juices not to sound too TMI but found out that I was right. Do yourself a favor and move on like I recently have!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aquarius1

Jenwarren76 said:


> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕


wow. And you allow him to talk to you like that? I'd show his azz the door. I swear a lot but never at another person.
I'd be seeing a lawyer.


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## 3Xnocharm

aquarius1 said:


> wow. And you allow him to talk to you like that? I'd show his azz the door. I swear a lot but never at another person.
> 
> I'd be seeing a lawyer.




Agree. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## CatholicDad

There are support groups to help men overcome porn addiction. I know of many marriages destroyed by it but I also know many men who rooted it out of their lives. I think every man in the modern age has to go through this a bit, unfortunately. The Catholic Church was my remedy... the only church to my knowledge that takes a stand against porn and masturbation. The sacrament of confession is a beautiful remedy and help for men in overcoming sinful and destructive habits. There also apps/software that can block/monitor access so that the temptation is removed- all this type of info could be obtained via the support groups. Obviously though, hubby has to admit it’s a problem and desire help.


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## Jenwarren76

So after my last post, my husband and I kind of let things go and made up. Things seemed fine till last night. I had to work in the morning at 6 so wanted to go to bed early. Anyways, so kids went to bed and we got intimate, like I always do almost every night, I went to bed at 12 and woke up around 1:45 to use the bathroom and went to the living room and saw my husband watching nasty porn again! I was so hurt and yelled at him wtf! We just had sex like an hour ago! He started laughing st me saying I was being ridiculous that he was bored. I told him how much it hurts me and that he made me feel like I’m worthless. I went to bed and he stayed there I’m sure to finish up his porn watching so he could finish his thing. I don’t even want to talk to him and don’t know what to say . He just walks around like nothing! I just don’t understand how he would do that after we had just had sex!


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## 3Xnocharm

So nothing changed, of course. So now what are you going to do about this?


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## Jenwarren76

I don’t know what to do I’ve never had to deal with this before 😞 I feel so worthless and he just thinks I’m over reacting and need therapy


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## Jenwarren76

When I told him it feels the same as if he’s cheating on me his answer was “ well if you think I’m cheating by doing this I might as well go have sex with another woman “


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## 3Xnocharm

What an ass. You dont need to tolerate this kind of treatment...you know this, right? You cant fix him, he is an addict and addicts can only fix themselves. He clearly doesnt give a damn how this makes you feel. Is this the kind of marriage you want to be in for the next 30 years? You need to let him know that either he gets help and stops the porn, or you will do the best thing for yourself and end the marriage. You have to follow through on this though, empty threats only make you appear weak. 

What a jerk.


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## Girl_power

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Stop letting it go. Really address it and come to an agreement on what to do.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Jenwarren76 said:


> I don’t know what to do I’ve never had to deal with this before 😞 I feel so worthless and he just thinks I’m over reacting and need therapy


You need 'therapy' alright. The kind you get sitting in your lawyer's office in the chair across from his massive desk while signing your husband's walking papers.

Something tells me your husband has some kind of nasty kink that he's just not satisfying with you. There are way too many kinks out there to even begin to list, but I'm kind of getting the impression that he's drawn to something much darker (and likely much more deviant) than what he's getting in his own bedroom. That's not YOUR fault.

I dealt with someone very similar to this many years ago. Turns out, he was watching hot-wifing porn and orgies and amateur swapping and all that type of stuff because he *desired* to live an alternative lifestyle (swapping, orgies, lifestyle parties and such) and he sure as hell wasn't getting that at home (I didn't have the ability to morph into a roomful of naked people all lubed up and ready for fun). 

I just wonder if after sex with you he's out on his computer trying to satisfy some secret kink he has because he's not truly satisfied unless he's indulging in it. And God only knows what that may be.


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## aine

Jenwarren76 said:


> So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕



He is the same as any other type of addict (drugs, alcohol, etc) so do not believe a word he says. He will put this addiction first in his life and there is no point in arguing with him, snooping on him, etc. It will simply drive you nuts. He could well also be a sex addict. Addicts lie and they lie most of all to themselves.
YOu need to protect yourself first, lay down boundaries tell him, you know he is lying, you know he is out of control. You will not be having any sex with him until he sorts his **** out first, whether that requires counselling, therapy, etc. If he is not willing to communicate and only wants to lie, you will not be sleeping with a liar. If he wants you to help, then you will be available when he is ready to face his demons and deal with it.


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## aine

Jenwarren76 said:


> I am beside myself with this and don’t know how to handle this. I feel broken and hurt. How does someone say they love you and you’re good enough but do all that and then say they hate you? I’m so confused and lost


You cannot change him, the sooner you get this the better for you. You may well be co-dependent. Read Co-Dependent No more by Melanie Beattie. Start focusing on you alone, leave him out of the picture for now. 

Here is a letter from an addict from the internet (it applies to all, I am married to an alcoholic, who is recovery sort of, but I wont hold my breathe). The sooner you understand what addicts of any sort are like the better for your own sanity.

_My name's XXX. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my addiction that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking/lying/using porn and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again. Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do._

I know this is painful, but this is what put me on the road to recovery and a full life (still married) but not focused on him.


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## aine

StillSearching said:


> HE's the one with the porn addiction, yes. But what exactly do you think SHE can do about that? nothing....nothing until she has a solid foundation to work from.
> *A lot of people who are child abuse victims have sexual addiction problems and marry sexual addicted spouses.*
> No and She can only fix herself.
> 
> Beating up on your spouse here is fun, but it's not going to go anywhere.
> She can leave, yes, but if she does not address a past trauma..if she has one...this will repeat itself later.


SS, that's one hell of a leap you are making there, where on earth did you draw that conclusion and what has his addiction got to do with her, are you saying that she precipitated it? This is utter nonsense with no logic whatsoever, and no, you did not answer teh repeated questioning of your assumption and no-one is hijacking anything. :scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## StillSearching

aine said:


> SS, that's one hell of a leap you are making there, where on earth did you draw that conclusion and what has his addiction got to do with her, are you saying that she precipitated it? This is utter nonsense with no logic whatsoever, and no, you did not answer teh repeated questioning of your assumption and no-one is hijacking anything. :scratchhead::scratchhead:


Because the numbers bear it out.
Because it's true.
Your opinion is not based in fact.
Although I understand completely your need to say what you did and why you said it.


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## SunCMars

Blood red stains on boxers arise from blows received from the sharp rings of matrimony.


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## Blondilocks

StillSearching said:


> Because the numbers bear it out.
> Because it's true.
> Your opinion is not based in fact.
> Although I understand completely your need to say what you did and why you said it.


Is your assertion based on her not valuing herself and therefore is vulnerable to abuse from others? The low valuation coming from past trauma? I can see how this would come into play.

Are you still with the sex addict wife?


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## moulinyx

He knows what he is doing is wrong. If he thought it was totally fine then he wouldn't even leave your room to go watch porn. 

I agree your husband has a porn addiction but the next move is up to you. All of his behavior is harmful and painful, but you really only have two options. You can either stay and try to push for addiction recovery knowing he will fail from time to time and require grace, or you pack up and leave. I know my opinion wont be popular, but this is the same decision every spouse of an addict has to make. This one is particularly rough because its often viewed as more embarrassing/shameful. What he is doing IS wrong and you deserve better, but he also has a problem that can't just be turned off. 

If you think your marriage is worth it, I do think approaching him with love and saying he is worth the struggle would get you a better reaction. All of this is easier said than done and will not be an easy decision! I hope you can at least get some peace or relief from sharing in this forum. 

Side note - many men watch porn and it is NOT the same. It does not replace the need for human touch and doesn't replace YOU. I am sure my husband watches porn though he would never admit it.


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## arbitrator

SunCMars said:


> *Blood red stains on boxers arise from blows received from the sharp rings of matrimony.*


*... or anywhere else!*


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## temet nostre

I think this video is interesting.


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## Jade1996

I'm having a very similar problem, I have gone with the blockers and software and a million app lockers but
He agrees what he's been doing is wrong he feels guilty and is sorry but a month ago that was a different story it was blazing rows screaming and shouting and arguing and I went through every account every detail of what he'd been doing and basically cornered him with it. 
He's agreed to a lot in order to change. 

I also have a similar history, I have dealt with that and this is on him. Not on me he can fix it or he can face the consequences of not. 

I think you should look through everything find out whatever you need to know to be able to decide for sure what you want to do I'm giving him a chance and only one.


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## BeautifulDisaster2020

I'm kinda in the same boat with you. Haven't read thru all the posts/replies yet, just the first one. My husband does the same thing, watches that live webcam stuff. Along with signs up to different dating sites (he swears its just for pictures) I keep an eye on things, I have all his email passwords & whatnot. But still, after all these years of dealing with it, the lies, the secrecy, sneaking... Its really made me to where I have a hard time trusting about anything, so insecure, and I HATE IT. I want things to just go back to the way they used to be, before I knew about all this crap... 😞


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## 3Xnocharm

BeautifulDisaster2020 said:


> I'm kinda in the same boat with you. Haven't read thru all the posts/replies yet, just the first one. My husband does the same thing, watches that live webcam stuff. Along with signs up to different dating sites (he swears its just for pictures) I keep an eye on things, I have all his email passwords & whatnot. But still, after all these years of dealing with it, the lies, the secrecy, sneaking... Its really made me to where I have a hard time trusting about anything, so insecure, and I HATE IT. I want things to just go back to the way they used to be, before I knew about all this crap... 😞


And WHY are you still there?


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## FeministInPink

BeautifulDisaster2020 said:


> I'm kinda in the same boat with you. Haven't read thru all the posts/replies yet, just the first one. My husband does the same thing, watches that live webcam stuff. Along with signs up to different dating sites (he swears its just for pictures) I keep an eye on things, I have all his email passwords & whatnot. But still, after all these years of dealing with it, the lies, the secrecy, sneaking... Its really made me to where I have a hard time trusting about anything, so insecure, and I HATE IT. I want things to just go back to the way they used to be, before I knew about all this crap... 😞


ALL OF THIS is BULL****. I understand that men are visual creatures, but a married man SHOULD NOT FOR ANY REASON be signed up for dating sites. Just for the pictures? BULL****. He wants to sext these women so he can jerk off to them, the same thing as with the cam girls. HELL NO. There are plenty of ways he can see pictures without it being a threat to your marriage. And make no mistake, it IS a threat to your marriage, because it is only a matter of time before he meets up with a woman off one of these websites. If he's been doing this for years, there's a high probability that he's already done so.

So why are you still with a man who treats you with so much disrespect and contempt? Because a real man who loves you and values you wouldn't do this.


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## nypsychnurse

OP...It's more that the porn making you feel worthless...its the lack of respect he is showing in so many ways...the name calling, the blame-shifting, etc...
I agree with the others...you cannot fix him...only yourself...you need to decide what you will and will not tolerate in this relationship and draw a hard line in the sand...


Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## Lila

Closing thread. OP has not returned in 5 months.

OP contact a Moderator if you'd like to have the thread reopened.


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