# ok friends heres the latest news...



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

So we go on our family vacation for 6 days, oh how wonderful it truly was! the children were angels and enjoyed everything we did! h and myself spent 2 of the days alone for the first time in over 8 years! best of all there was NO tension between the two of us at all...it was like the man I married had come back! Not a word about the marriage or the separation at all unless he initiated it, which did happen several times...on good notes, however i did not elaborate.
aside from the fun things we did, what was most important to me was having this time so that my husband could see the changes i have made with myself! well it worked, he saw them, and liked them, actually commented on them! ok this is what sucks...I wasnt expecting him to come running home, but now that we are home it is back to h sleeping at parents, after dinner,homework and bed for the girls...
im biting my tongue as i can see once again that he want to be here but wont stay. i will not push or question. i will be patient. I an elated that out trip went soooo well. any input on what to do now is greatly appreciated!!!!:scratchhead:


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Lost- I am elated at the wonderful trip you had together; especially the time with your husband. I would use this time now to completed back off him again. Do not contact him unless he initiates etc. The danger here is that you may smother any good relations that have developed. I am trying to stay positive but I went through a similar period with my wife where she almost returned in August, we were doing things asa family and together and I called to follow up and BAM- out of nowhere she put the breaks on everything- and here we are in october, she is staying at her mother's 5 minutes away-completely stuck in the mud about what she wants or where she is going- or at least, if she is going in one direction, I don't know about it. In any event, as I see it, if a spouse is not home working on the marriage, they are out. Perhaps I am black and white on this issue, but I have seen so many spouses in this nebulous zone where no commitment is made, and it drags the left behind spouse under in a tidal wave of emotions. Please be cautious and careful-lost- and steps quiety and with intention. i would let him come to you as this period right now is likely extremely unpredictable


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I agree with waiting patiently. The trip is progress. But no contact would lessen the pressure for both of you.

I'm happy for you!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Keep backing off Lost....I agree with the previous posters.

It's wonderful that the trip went well. I wasn't expecting this as my H and I took a trip after the sh_t hit the fan. It wasn't fun in the least. This is a good sign. 

Now that he's back to his parents...OK. He'll remember that vacation fondly . One positive thing to think about. Good.

Keep doing the work on yourself. Ignore him..unless he initiates. 

Good going!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

wp,w and c,
that is what i needed to hear guys!!!!!i need the encouragement to keep backing off because it felt so normal when the trip went so well! of course all i want is for him to come home!
the kicker is that the 2 days we spent at the racetrack we absolutely amazing! aside from having the BEST seats in the house ( at mt h doing) start/finish line 15 rows up...we walked...holding hands and arms etc like we were 25 again! it was such a relief that it turned out to be so enjoyable! in my mind id love to shake him or something to make him wake up and see the reality of how we will have this at home too...he was so fun loving, funny, considerate...the list goes on. i will be patient and back off though! THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT!!! IT HELPS KNOWING THAT U ALL CARE. I care about each of you too!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's mandatory that we have to be supportive! Also mandatory to shake each other up when we are on negative path!

I always appreciate whatever support that I can get. It's wonderful to help others as well.

You know what you need to do. He still has a fire for you. He is still confused. Small, happy talk...no relationship talk. 

It's amazing though how he could just flip a switch, like he did on vacation???


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Lost- i will be the antagonist for perspective here- as Corpus said- amazing how he can flip like a switch; however, a switch flips both ways- as did my wife! Do not allow your emotions to take over- it will spill over into your actions. hope but do note xpect him to come home- it will make it easier for your conduct to stay reserved for now!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

i know c, its like hot and cold. im seeing now what he means when he has told me...its not you its me. he is so uncertain. i can see the fear and resentment too. once in a while the anger comes out. its not at me though it is actually at himself...but he is still believing that its not. it sometimes is as if he wont come home bcause he would be admitting it was wrong of him to leave in the first place... im patient.
someday he will thank me for holding my ground for the family.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

i agree wp, thats why i popped on here as soon as i could b cause i dont want to smother him again. he will come around when he is ready.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

lost1234 said:


> i know c, its like hot and cold. im seeing now what he means when he has told me...its not you its me. he is so uncertain. i can see the fear and resentment too. once in a while the anger comes out. its not at me though it is actually at himself...but he is still believing that its not. it sometimes is as if he wont come home bcause he would be admitting it was wrong of him to leave in the first place... im patient.
> *someday he will thank me for holding my ground for the family.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> 
> Someday he will. While my H and I never seperated, he was completely out of control and what he has told me over and over again is "thank you for being strong when I could not be" or "thank you for being such a strong, patient woman". Good luck in your continued journey.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

thanks mb! that is very encouraging too!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

I concur - back off your relationship is still a danger zone - he has to come to you 100%


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