# All of a Sudden She Just hates me with a Passion. Please what could be wrong?



## Hasradam (May 25, 2013)

Please guys explain this situation to me. I met this beautiful girl back at the University. Even though she was one year ahead of me, we became real good friends. I left the University earlier and got a Job as an accountant in my fathers' firm and resumed classes 1 year later pursuing a different degree. We later hooked after she heard I broke up with my girlfriend. she completed her studies and we got along very well. When we met she was very interested in what i was doing and I can say it seemed she was pretty impressed i was doing good. Later on we went out for dates and i was now starting to think we are getting somewhere. She invited me to see her perform at the Orchestra since she is a violin player. What made me believe it was getting serious, is because she introduced me to her parents. So I decided to pop up the question and she accepted to be my girlfriend. Things were pretty ok until I realized her attitude was changing. When I asked what has wrong she became too hostile and I had to leave it that way. what surprises me the most is that throughout all this time she was mirroring everything I did or said. She would use my phrases in her conversation or update her twitter or facebook with a status update like mine or even put the same rugged jeans as mine but she was still very mean to me. I tried ignoring her for a while but she would use other guys to make me feel jealous. Well am not the guy to get that jealous since i figured out her game but I got tired of the mind games and told her to quit or we are done. After confronting her she blocked me on facebook. I decided to move on as quickly as possible but what surprises me is that every time she sees me with a new girl, she criticizes her that she is not good enough. what is the problem with her??? Please Help


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

who cares you don't want a life time of putting up with that crap.

move on and don't look back! or be sorry you didn't!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Acknowledge she has a problem and be thankful it's not your *problem*. Move on and have no further contact with her.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Hasradam said:


> Please guys explain this situation to me.


Hasradam, welcome to the TAM forum. Nobody here at TAM is able to diagnose your exGF's issues based on a single paragraph. Moreover, only a professional can make a diagnosis. Yet, if you are willing to do some reading, we can point you to good information that explains what warning signs to look for in case she suffers from strong traits of a personality disorder (PD). 

There is a world of difference between making a diagnosis (which you cannot do) and simply spotting the red flags for a PD. These warning signs are not difficult to recognize because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as temper tantrums, verbal abuse, and irrational jealousy.

I mention PDs because the mirroring you describe is one of the hallmarks of BPDers (i.e., folks exhibiting strong traits of Borderline Personality Disorder). Because a BPDer has a fragile, unstable sense of who she is, she will tend to mirror another person's personality traits (even to the point of liking the people you enjoy and liking the activities you enjoy). 

This mirroring phase, however, typically is strong for only 3 to 6 months. It usually disappears when her infatuation for you evaporates. Moreover, if you had actually been dating a BPDer, you likely would have been seeing most of the following behavioral traits: 

1. Black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction;
2. Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"
3. Irrational jealousy and controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;
4. A strong sense of entitlement that prevents her from appreciating your sacrifices, resulting in a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude and a double standard;
5. Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you,;
6. Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about two days later;
7. Low self esteem;
8. Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums that typically last several hours;
9. Fear of abandonment or being alone -- evident in her expecting you to “be there” for her on demand, making unrealistic demands for the amount of time spent together, or responding with intense anger to even brief separations or slight changes in plans;
10. Always being "The Victim," a false self image she validates by blaming you for every misfortune;
11. Lack of impulse control, wherein she does reckless things without considering the consequences (e.g., binge eating or spending);
12. Complaining that all her previous BFs were abusive and claiming (during your courtship) that you are the only one who has treated her well;
13. Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly during the courtship period (e.g., enjoying everything and everyone you like) that you were convinced you had met your "soul mate;"
14. Relying on you to center and ground her, giving her a sense of direction because her goals otherwise keep changing every few months;
15. Relying on you to sooth her and calm her down, when she is stressed, because she has so little ability to do self soothing;
16. Having many casual friends but not any close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away);
17. Taking on the personality of whatever person she is talking to, thereby acting quite differently around different types of people; and
18. Always convinced that her intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that she regards her own feelings as self-evident facts, despite her inability to support them with any hard evidence.

If most of those traits sound very familiar, you will find a more detailed explanation of BPD traits in my post at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522. If that discussion rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Hasradam.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm not a shrink but does it matter what you call it? She's as crazy as an out-house rat. Whatever she has, it probably has a very long name, would require tons of medication, and will likely only get worse. I don't have to analyze dog poop to know I don't want to eat it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She's nuts that's all you need to know.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

IMO, she seems unstable. By that I mean, her moods are unpredictable, shes fine one minute then not the next. This is not a person you need in your life. The red flags are there if you will just open your eyes.

BTW, please don't fall victim to being her rescuer, or try to save her, because you can't. Then you will just be Co-dependent. Cut your ties now.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

She may seem like she needs help, but you're not the one to give it to her. You'll be burning through your energy and mental resources so quickly that you'll be a shell of your former self.

Speaking from experience. You don't need this. Move on and find better.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Welcome to Borderline Personality Disorder.

Cease all contact with this person. Nothing good can come of it.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Hasradam said:


> After confronting her she blocked me on facebook. I decided to move on as quickly as possible but what surprises me is that every time she sees me with a new girl, she criticizes her that she is not good enough. what is the problem with her???


1. She's too young to know what she wants in a relationship.
2. She's crazy.
3. #1 and #2.


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