# Wife is overweight, and I have had enough.



## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

Hello, and thanks to anybody who replies in advance.
I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and been together for 17 years. We have 3 great kids, which we obviously adore dearly.

Let me firstly say that I love my wife, and always have.


My wife is tall, about 172 cm, by normal standards. She is VERY pretty, with a face that movie stars would be envious of. She has never been "thin", but her weight suited he height. Our youngest is now close to 10 y.o.

She enjoys to eat. I am not to sure if she is an emotional eater, but I would assume that she is, like 90% of the population anyhow.
She is active, but offsets her workouts with eating. No real benefit in exercising if she does not improve her diet. I have spoken with her dietician (we go to the same gym), and he said that she has been approaching it the wrong way. In other words, she has NOT been sticking to her diet. This was 2 years ago. Since then she has simplybeen working out, without actually losing weight. Maybe 5 pounds, that she quickly puts back on when she doesn't workout for a couple of weeks.

I have simply had enough. I am at my wits end. I love her, but have come to realise that she simply disrespects me with her actions. I have not had sex with her for the past 2 months, as a sign that she has to shape up. I simply do NOT find having sex with her satisfying anymore.
Every time I try to start a conversation with her she simply leaves the room, even though she has admitted to me in the past, that what she is doing is wrong. But normally she blames ME for her inability to lose her excess weight.

She lost weight in the past, reaching a weight I was quite satisfied with (84 kilos), but it took her 6 months to achieve this (she lost around 8 kilos in total). Her ideal weight would be around 73kg, but I obviously never expect her to get to that weight.

I assume she is currently around 94 kilos.

I have encouraged her, but am tired of doing so. I am at my wits end.
I always try to watch my weight, and don;t over eat. I may gain a few pounds (2-3), but shed it when I see myself letting go more than I should. I have told her numerous times that if I was to gain 30 pounds, would she like it ?

Anyway I have had enough. I see her weight gain as a sign of disrespect. I say this because I am sure if we were to split up tomorrow she would lose her extra pounds in a matter of months.

I am sorry to say it ladies, but selfishness has a lot to do with this.

And before you ask, no she has no underlying medical issues that we know of.


regards, and any help would be great.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Her weight gain has nothing to do with respect to you. it is not about you at all. It is her struggle, and you making demands will not help, the opposite.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm a little thrown by your shift from kg to pounds? You talked about her in cm and kg and yourself in pounds.

Does she desire to be in better shape?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Just to translate for folks, she is about 5'6" or 5' 7". He's _guessing_ she's about 207lbs. That puts her at a BMI of about 33, which is on the low side of obese. However BMI is extremely problematic if she has a large muscle mass - and she seems to be working out. But let's assume she's fairly overweight.

OP, her weight is not a disrespect to you. You saying this shows clearly that you are self-centered in how you think about your wife.

It _may_ be disrespectful to herself, but she may also just be happy that way. My suggestion is just to be honest that you're not attracted to her any more. That seems to be apparent by your conversations and lack of sex, however it also seems somewhat apparent that you may be being quite insulting and selfish here as well.

Starting with a conversation like the following might be good: "Wife, I'm really struggling. I haven't been a good partner here in how I'm thinking about this and I know I need to change my mindset. That's on me. However what I'm also struggling with is the fact that I'm no longer feeling attracted to you. How are you feeling about our marriage?"


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

1. Tie her to a chair.
2. Put duct tape over her mouth.

Aside from that, what else would you have us say? If you can't make her lose weight, and you can't live with an overweight spouse, the only solution to the problem sorta recommends itself. I suspect you came here looking for ways to compel her to do what you want, but we cannot offer that. 

This is your problem to fix, not hers. What are YOU going to do about it?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You can't make her lose weight, you know that.

You aren't attracted to the weight gain.

Talk to her about how you are feeling. It is problematic that you report when you try to talk to her about this she walks away. You also say she tries to blame her weight gain on you. In what ways does she say it's your fault?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

joekapa said:


> Hello, and thanks to anybody who replies in advance.
> I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and been together for 17 years. We have 3 great kids, which we obviously adore dearly.
> 
> Let me firstly say that I love my wife, and always have.
> ...


If you actually take some time to respond to me and other posters, I will tell you what I did when Mrs. Conan gained weight and it worked forever.

If you are a drive by poster, IMA ignore ya.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

joekapa said:


> Hello, and thanks to anybody who replies in advance.
> I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and been together for 17 years. We have 3 great kids, which we obviously adore dearly.
> 
> Let me firstly say that I love my wife, and always have.
> ...



Sorry dude, I don't feel for you. Your W is struggling with her weight. I feel for your W. I have no sympathy for you. Your W is not disrespecting you. Let me tell you this, you can jump up and down all day turning red in the face over it....your W will only lose weight when she is darn good and ready.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

joekapa said:


> Hello, and thanks to anybody who replies in advance.
> I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and been together for 17 years. We have 3 great kids, which we obviously adore dearly.
> 
> Let me firstly say that I love my wife, and always have.
> ...


You are the one in the wrong here. If she was having medical issues and failing to keep up a diet for such, then you would have a basis of complaint. But you already admitted that she is healthy. Now that doesn't mean that you don't have a standard that you want in a woman, but it is still wrong to try to shame her to it. If you leave it will be all on you, not her.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> Her weight gain has nothing to do with respect to you. it is not about you at all. It is her struggle, and you making demands will not help, the opposite.


Why can't you have a minimal standard for your spouse? It's a matter of her health as well.

If I was to gain weight what would she say?


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I'm a little thrown by your shift from kg to pounds? You talked about her in cm and kg and yourself in pounds.
> 
> Does she desire to be in better shape?


Yes but does not do all that is needed to do so. She has a wardrobe filled with clothes she has bought in the hope that she loses weight.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

Marduk said:


> Just to translate for folks, she is about 5'6" or 5' 7". He's _guessing_ she's about 207lbs. That puts her at a BMI of about 33, which is on the low side of obese. However BMI is extremely problematic if she has a large muscle mass - and she seems to be working out. But let's assume she's fairly overweight.
> 
> OP, her weight is not a disrespect to you. You saying this shows clearly that you are self-centered in how you think about your wife.
> 
> ...


She is 5 ft 8 + in height. I assume over 90kg in weight. She is strong and has muscle under the fat.

It is disrespectful because if her brother(s) were to tell her to lose weight she would actually take it more seriously than when I make that suggestion.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> You are the one in the wrong here. If she was having medical issues and failing to keep up a diet for such, then you would have a basis of complaint. But you already admitted that she is healthy. Now that doesn't mean that you don't have a standard that you want in a woman, but it is still wrong to try to shame her to it. If you leave it will be all on you, not her.


She has no major medical issues ....yet. Her foot doctor has told her to lose weight as she has sore knees at times. So have other doctors. Even if she is healthy. They see where it's going.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> If you actually take some time to respond to me and other posters, I will tell you what I did when Mrs. Conan gained weight and it worked forever.
> 
> If you are a drive by poster, IMA ignore ya.


Go ahead. Any help is welcome.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

Livvie said:


> You can't make her lose weight, you know that.
> 
> You aren't attracted to the weight gain.
> 
> Talk to her about how you are feeling. It is problematic that you report when you try to talk to her about this she walks away. You also say she tries to blame her weight gain on you. In what ways does she say it's your fault?


To take the blame off herself. When she lost 8kg in 6 months.....She gained it back because as she said, she was disappointed because I didn't like the color scheme she chose for the children's bedrooms.

Bulldust. Just an excuse.


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## joekapa (Apr 30, 2020)

Cletus said:


> 1. Tie her to a chair.
> 2. Put duct tape over her mouth.
> 
> Aside from that, what else would you have us say? If you can't make her lose weight, and you can't live with an overweight spouse, the only solution to the problem sorta recommends itself. I suspect you came here looking for ways to compel her to do what you want, but we cannot offer that.
> ...


To be honest I don't know. It's basically food vs her husband now. Had enough. I love her. I have offered her everything. Spent thousands on gyms, treadmill, elliptical etc.  She simply loves food more.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

What was she like when you got married? Overweight, or not? Basically, has she changed significantly over time?

Anyway, you can't make her change, but you can support changes that she is willing to implement. She needs to know how important this is to you, though, so she can decide if she wants to change for the sake of the marriage, and you need to decide if you'll leave if she does not make consistent improvements. You EACH get to decide how you will deal with this, and choose the consequences that result.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

joekapa said:


> . I love her. I have offered her everything. Spent thousands on gyms, treadmill, elliptical etc.


There's one thing you can try. It will cost nothing, require no equipment, will consume little of your time.
Try rewarding any behavior of hers, no matter how slight, which leads her toward better health.

Make it "about her", not "about you". Show your love and your compassion. Praise her for even 1/2 lb lost.

Don't withhold sex from her. Come to her wanting to meet her needs, be generous in lovemaking.



joekapa said:


> It's basically food vs her husband


No, it's not. It's her against a bad habit. Don't make it about you. It's not.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

joekapa said:


> She is 5 ft 8 + in height. I assume over 90kg in weight. She is strong and has muscle under the fat.
> 
> It is disrespectful because _*if her brother(s) were to tell her to lose weight she would actually take it more seriously than when I make that suggestion*_.


Slip him/them $10 to do just that and see if it works.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I understand the OP frustration. I’m funny about weight and health too. And personally I would be upset if my husband let himself go. I also think it is kind of disrespectful. Like he said, if they divorced she would probably lose weight to get another man. Also, husband/wife relationship is a sexual one, and you need to somewhat be aware of how your partner sees you, and you should want them to always be sexually attracted to you. 

Why does she blame her trouble with weight lose on you?
Is she happy with her body?

If I was in your shoes, I would just take control over the meal planning and shopping since this is where she struggles. But first you need to talk to her about it. Does she want to lose weight? If so, I would tell her that you can help her by helping manage meals.

When it comes to weight lost and health... it’s about lifestyle, not dieting. So clearly meals need to be changed. No one should be obese if they get normal exercise, and are eating normal foods.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

joekapa said:


> Yes but does not do all that is needed to do so. She has a wardrobe filled with clothes she has bought in the hope that she loses weight.


Ok, so the heart is willing and that is the foundation.

Maybe about 18 or 19 years ago, Mrs. Conan quit smoking which was something she had done since age 13.

She is 5' nothing and built like a gymnast. She always weighed about 110-115 pounds.
After she quit smoking, she gained weight. She shot up to about 140 and on her tiny frame, it made her pretty chubby.

She loved quitting the bad habit but hates the weight gain.

She started trying all sorts of exercise programs, video tapes, diets, weights, martial arts, etc.... Nothing was working.

She never gave up trying even though she was disappointed in getting no results. This probably went on for a year or better and she eventually found her thing. She found participating with groups at the Y and walking every day until she could run was really her thing. She started losing weight and toning up and eventually became a marathon class runner and could take back to back core and more classes for 3 or more hours then run 6 miles for fun.

She could run 10 miles without stopping at a faster than 7mph pace. She got in absolutely fantastic shape with beautifully firm buns and a six pack abs.

You know what I did the entire time she quit smoking and put on all that weight?

I loved her like I never had before and was always supportive of what she was trying.

I made so much love to her she almost didn't have time for anything else, even before and after church on Sunday!

I took her on more dates and romanced her chubby little butt off.

I loved her so much that I didn't let her feet ever hit the ground. She could have looked like a potato but I ravished her like she was Mata Hari and I was a counter spy who wrote the Kama Sutra.

I never let up or showed any discouragement through her trials. I wasn't her coach or leader this time.

It was her race to win, her goal to achieve and I was her lover, worshipper and cheerleader as she accomplished what she needed to do for herself.

To this day I'm surprised what an over 40 mother of two accomplished and I'm convinced she was fueled and lifted up by my relentless loving of her.

Love does conquer mate. I wasn't as physically attracted to her when she weighed more but I drank her up like a lost man in the desert who finds an oasis.

That's what I did so that's what I advise.

Your wife might not become the dynamo Mrs. Conan did but your love for each other will grow immensely and your marriage will become healthier.

I can't help but believe your wife will respond to your great love and affection from you with no price tags attached.

Love is a choice. Choose to love your wife like no one else on earth can.

I did and we never looked back.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Man, I think wiser words have never been spoken in regards to this as these.


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## Bluearrowscollide (Apr 30, 2020)

joekapa said:


> Hello, and thanks to anybody who replies in advance.
> I have been married to my wife for 15 years, and been together for 17 years. We have 3 great kids, which we obviously adore dearly.
> 
> Let me firstly say that I love my wife, and always have.
> ...




Hello
Unfortunately, I can relate to your struggle.

I am not out of the woods yet , but I have been nagging, encouraging, prompting & suggesting for 3 years now, we haven't had sex in a month for the first time in a decade and this won't be changing any time soon, the problem is definitely that my OH didn't want to and other comments are right, she won't until she's ready to. She would either lose the weight or get bigger if you left, so no quick fix, I started exercising on my own for my own benefit and my OH has joined me on their own volition, this is great, but without sexual attraction it's difficult ,I hear you. I'd suggest trying a work out plan together and encouraging her, IF she wants to, because if she doesn't , I'm really sorry but your going to have to put up with it or not.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I always put a little effort into my looks. Little makeup, ok clothes, on hair etc. I was never fat. My ex husband (who is a surgeon) always presented himself to the best of his ability. That’s how he was raised (not like me). He was always dressed so nice. And even more than that, he was so nice and polite to everyone. He walked tall, looked everyone in the eye, had the best etiquette. He made me want to “step my game up” so to speak. I know that if someone looked at us... they would be like wow that’s her husband!?!? Or wow that’s his wife!?! But he never made me feel that way. He was proud of me. But him being so presentable and always on point, inspired me to be better and put more effort into not only my looks, but how I spoke and carried myself. 

So maybe try leading my example. Try focusing on being the best you and it may inspire her to be her better self.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

OP First having children makes it harder. Yes I know that it is possible. But as time passes and with children it does get harder. By exercising she is trying but yes food is glorious. Not only that it is necessary. You don't need cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex. That makes them easier to go cold turkey, turn over a new leaf and such. But food you have to eat food everyday. And food is a comfort. When you were young and you felt bad what did mom do. Made you special food. When it is your birthday and people want to celebrate what happens, special food. Many people with weight problems also use food to comfort and sooth. Hard day..... food. Stressful day .....food. Husband mad at me and won't have sex with me....food. Your attitude is probably not helping at all. This isn't about you. 

While I understand what you are saying I don't 'get' it. I have loved, and found attractive, my husband from 180 pounds to 298 pounds. Because I love him which isn't about his looks for me. I see you are saying that looks are a major part of your love and attraction to your wife. Which it sounds like you have made her acutely aware. She isn't doing the diet your gym person says to do so you are not attracted to her anymore. I guess that leaves divorce. Maybe it will shake her into losing weight. I know personally I couldn't love or respect anyone I felt cared more about my weight than me. I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with them. You should reread ConanHub's post.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

joekapa said:


> She is 5 ft 8 + in height. I assume over 90kg in weight. She is strong and has muscle under the fat.
> 
> It is disrespectful because if her brother(s) were to tell her to lose weight she would actually take it more seriously than when I make that suggestion.


My point is that her weight has nothing to do with her respect for you. It likely has nothing at all to do with you.

You don't get to control her weight, or think that her weight is an extension of yourself.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

joekapa said:


> I love her. I have offered her everything. Spent thousands on gyms, treadmill, elliptical etc. She simply loves food more.


Offering her full gym is not "Everything". I think you might be getting the opposite effect here from what you want. Throwing excercise machines at her tells her you do not accept her as she is. That's pretty sad conclusion for her, to realize that you love her body more than her. , that can put her into even bigger spiral of eating and weight gain.
You've made it all about you. Wrong approach. Frankly, there is nothing you can do about someone else's weight. It has to be done by her. something needs to click in her brain


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

joekapa said:


> To take the blame off herself. When she lost 8kg in 6 months.....She gained it back because as she said, she was disappointed because I didn't like the color scheme she chose for the children's bedrooms.
> 
> Bulldust. Just an excuse.


 Holy ****! Yeah, that's bulldust for sure. Not cool.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

joekapa said:


> To take the blame off herself. When she lost 8kg in 6 months.....She gained it back because as she said, she was disappointed because I didn't like the color scheme she chose for the children's bedrooms.
> 
> Bulldust. Just an excuse.


I'm really scratching my head with this one.... so as not to create a bald spot, I gotta ask, has she expressed any feelings that you're critical of her? And generally, what is her self-esteem like?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I took her on more dates and romanced her chubby little butt off.


Hehe, cute!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm inclined to respond similarly to others, that it's not about you. Some reasons aside from nutrition, that some of us eat are for comfort, to celebrate, through boredom, habit, routine. Your wife will only be able to make changes, if she chooses to, and identifying her own habits and mindset.

While this is not advise, all I can share is how I feel within my marriage. I'm 5"4 and my weight is... none of your business..! I would consider myself average. In more recent times, I haven't been moving much. Plus I do enjoy red wine, and have a weakness for potato chips. Granted, I'm not chowing down on them, just a small bowl. However, when I was heading out to walk the dogs with hubs, and zipping up a light-weight jacket that used to be a bit big on me... err, ahem. 

Anyway, I thought it was going to be a 30min walk. Hubs got us trekking some steep inclines and all around for an hour. I asked if his route was because my jacket was fitting snugly. His response, 'Cmon, it's good for you!' ...where can I hail the Bat-uber home? I kid. I actually enjoyed it. He gave me a sexy hug and said, 'You look great to me. If you want to change how your jacket fits, small decisions, you can do it.' 

I agree with others here that sex can be a great motivator for some of us. With shared sexy intimacy, there's little room for feeling self-conscious; snug jacket or otherwise. And those endorphins of connection are far more satisfying than potato chips. Still though, whether I get the jacket fitting looser or not, is down to my actions and motivation. His responsiveness towards me though, keeps the spring in my step.

It's great that your wife is working-out for all the benefits that exercise brings, regardless of weight.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Has she had counselling? 

She is in UK/US terms 5 feet 6 inches which is not especially tall and she weighs in UK terms (by your estimate) 14 stones and in US terms 207.235 pounds. So that does not seem too good and might impact on her health.

Is she pre-diabetic? There's mounting evidence that being overweight does not (always) cause diabetes but is (sometimes) an early sign that the body's insulin isn't working.

You seem to imply that she is putting on weight to 'spit' you. Is that your thinking? If so, is it correct or a little bit paranoid?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I'm convinced she was fueled and lifted up by my relentless loving of her.


I'm convinced of it too, Mr. @ConanHub - Bravissimo !!


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Im trying to have sympathy here but, holy **** you sound like a controlling douche canoe. I understand wanting her to care about herself and you cant help if you arent attracted to her size, but there are better ways to go about it. You sound super critical of her bad choices while seeming to ignore any positive ones she makes. DO you keep quiet when she is doing well and only speak up when she is failing? My husband is fit, much moreso than me, and i have struggled with my weight my entire life, BUT he motivates and pushes me with LOVE and CONFIDENCE so I achieve my goals and have figured it out. 

I was depressed and yoyo dieting. Your wife sounds depressed and defeated. She knows you dont approve of her, even if you think you are hiding your disgust, I assure you she is well aware and its probably beating her down further. 

This is HER life, HER struggle. For us emotional eaters, its a REAL problem. No one chooses to make themselves miserable for ****s and giggles, no one chooses to disgust their partners with their overweight bodies for fun. Support your partner and keep your judgements to yourself, become the wings she needs to fly and carry her higher and higher, not the anchor drowning her alive.

Good Luck, I mean that.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

I think that is a really shallow way of thinking. You say you love her and that she is disrespecting you. Seems to me like you are disrespectful towards her too. Withholding affection from your life partner is not a good idea....it’s the wrong way of communicating your dissatisfaction. Also seems to me like you are trying to control and manipulate her by your actions of withholding your affections. Are you waiting for her to get tired of how you’ve been withdrawing from her to the point where she starts withdrawing herself from you? Because that could be a possibility. Then what? Two people who are at the end of road...divided. Communication is key here. Sad how love is conditional. I’m sure your wife has some strengths too and I’m also pretty sure that you’re not perfect. No one is perfect..that’s the truth. Try focusing on your heart instead and see the beauty she does have.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Bobbyjo said:


> I think that is a really shallow way of thinking. You say you love her and that she is disrespecting you. Seems to me like you are disrespectful towards her too. Withholding affection from your life partner is not a good idea....it’s the wrong way of communicating your dissatisfaction. Also seems to me like you are trying to control and manipulate her by your actions of withholding your affections. Are you waiting for her to get tired of how you’ve been withdrawing from her to the point where she starts withdrawing herself from you? Because that could be a possibility. Then what? Two people who are at the end of road...divided. Communication is key here. Sad how love is conditional. I’m sure your wife has some strengths too and I’m also pretty sure that you’re not perfect. No one is perfect..that’s the truth. Try focusing on your heart instead and see the beauty she does have.


OP says he doesn't find sex satisfying with her anymore. His wife actually blames him for her inability to lose weight (he gave an example of a really lame and inane blame she threw at him). Withholding sex isn't good, but you can't manufacture desire and sexual attraction and enjoyment so shaming him by calling him shallow isn't going to change anything for him.

OP feels the weight gain disrespectful because he strongly suspects if they were to split up, she'd lose the weight in short order to attract another man. I think he's probably right.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

My intentions are not to shame him...but for him to reflect that his approach does not seem to be working. His wife isn’t losing weight and like many other commentators here...weight loss is a personal battle. However like Mr.Conan posted earlier...he loved his wife unconditionally and spoke loving words and showed her that he loved her no matter what. We don’t know the whole story...but I’m a believer that there are always two sides to every coin. She is reacting this way for a reason.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

@Bobbyjo are you having problems with posting? Are you posting direct or through a client like Tapatalk?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> @Bobbyjo are you having problems with posting? Are you posting direct or through a client like Tapatalk?


I’m not using tapatalk. I don’t even know what that is. I’m not the most tecky person....lol. All I’m doing is clicking on the reply button and blogging.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I’m not sure about much in life OP, but I am sure that your current approach will never, ever work for her to have long term success with this. You are doing the opposite. Possibly irreparable damage.


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## Angelwanderer (Mar 20, 2018)

Livvie said:


> You can't make her lose weight, you know that.
> You aren't attracted to the weight gain.
> Talk to her about how you are feeling. It is problematic that you report when you try to talk to her about this she walks away. You also say she tries to blame her weight gain on you. In what ways does she say it's your fault?


I like this approach in a reply. A husband doesn't like the change in his wife and it's not right to shame the guy for saying so. It's hard enough to talk about this stuff to our spouses anyway and shaming just makes it worse. The communication lines are closing and this couple will need professional counseling to stop them from completely shutting down. They'll have to find out what's going on... together.
-A


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Bobbyjo said:


> I’m not using tapatalk. I don’t even know what that is. I’m not the most tecky person....lol. All I’m doing is clicking on the reply button and blogging.


OK. You're just ending up with posts that you quote another but there is no response there. Just worried.

Tapatalk is an app for your phone that accesses various forums, TAM included. I use it for this and another forum.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> OK. You're just ending up with posts that you quote another but there is no response there. Just worried.
> 
> Tapatalk is an app for your phone that accesses various forums, TAM included. I use it for this and another forum.


Good to know. Thanks. And thanks for your concern😊


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Livvie said:


> OP feels the weight gain disrespectful because he strongly suspects if they were to split up, she'd lose the weight in short order to attract another man. I think he's probably right.


Even if she looses weight after they (hypothetically) split up, it does not mean it is just to attract another man. If she is depressed, and her relationship wiht him is the reason, she might simply feel better and happier, and losing weight comes automatically. I am not saying he is the reason behind her depression, but it is alwasys posibility.


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