# need answers



## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

We have been married for 42 years and my husband just had to retired do to medical issues. He is fine now and wants to be gone three to four days per week golfing. he went on a golf trip to with 7 other guy's and left me home. My problem is that he has pstd and has lied about taking med's for over a year. when golfing stopped for the winter, we started bowling. this was just a cover to be with his golfing buddies. he even told me this after we begain fighting . he started golf again this spring and is gone three to four days 6 hours per day. since the golf trip he has had problems with ed and he continues to cancel his dr appointments. He made some comments about another young woman to my son and our son told him , he was wrong for that, he says it was nothing. he seems very sharp and cold at times and then he all of a sudden wants to have sex. I feel like I am on a rollcoaster and I don't want our marriage to end, but I am getting to the point where i can't stand to see me even leave. I don't trust him. please help


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

He retired due to medical issues, but is able to golf and bowl on a regular basis? I don't understand....


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## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

yes he had cancer in the vertbrae of his spine and had treatments which stoped it. he says he walks the golf course. I feel like he will never stop and since he has pstd and no meds or counseling i don't know where to turn.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

PSTD from what?

Will he not go to counseling?


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## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

he has pstd from vietman he did go to counseling and even took med's since the last year he lied about taking the med's and canceld his counseling through the va and through our family dr.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

What reason did he give for not continuing on the meds and with counseling? 

Will he consider doing marriage counseling?


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## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

Because he didn't want to talk with the dr. the va doesn't keep the same dr for a long time and also he just doesn't want me or anyone telling him that he needs to stay on the med's as for the marriage counseling we had a appointment and went to the first one, he told the counseler that I was the problem because I felt he was seeing someone else. he then agreed to going to the second appointment and so did I. after a few days he called and canceled the appointment. This is the same with his appointments for the pain he says he has. he has headace's , muscle pain and numbness and every night he seats on a heating pad. he also has a englarded prostate. he did go for the test for the prostate and is suppose to go back on the 20th for the results. He has had ed problems and that to has made him fraustated. although every four to five days he wants to try to have sex. we have had so many arguements and it seems we just don't get anywhere. He won't go to church anymore saying that there isn't a God. If we do have sex and it goes ok, he is ok for a day or so. he has accused me of being with his friends and then says he did this only to hurt my feelings. he doesn't like me helping out son who is disabled and who lives with his wife. I just need some answers.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Have you considered a separation? Time to reevaluate things for both of you? Do you think he will agree to a separation?


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## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

No, I have not considered a separation. I myself want answers and he isn't going to give me that. I do love him. He would not agree. He has told me that he would just do away with himself. He seems like he is holding something inside and doesn't want to talk to me about his feelings.


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## purple lady (Nov 14, 2009)

I feel like he is not telling me the truth, because he knows that at our age he 61 and me 62 we would not have anything if we did separate. He has always though more of material things than anything or anyone.


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