# "There is no one else"



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

10 yrs together- relationship good- he ends it abruptly- uses my daughter and their fight as an excuse- says he is hurt- needs time- unwilling to talk about us- attitude turns nasty, total opposite- tells me to move out (the house was his prior to us) insists "there is no one else"

And the chances that is true? 

I know what the gut says- or maybe that's paranoia. (No signs other than attitude and mood change)

Thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Actions has motivations - his actions really are filled with red flags about his motivation to take them.

Other than the fight - what else is going on in his life ? New friends? Gyms?

Is it possible your daughter told him something nasty about you? Maybe a lie in the heat of the moment that he's reacting to?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he says there is no onoe else, there may very well be...no one else.

If he's lying, you will eventually learn about it. The truth always comes out eventually.

Don't beg him to stay with you. I know you are hurt but never ever chase after a dog that is running away from you.

Just let him go.


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> If he says there is no onoe else, there may very well be...no one else.
> 
> If he's lying, you will eventually learn about it. The truth always comes out eventually.
> 
> ...


I am just grasping at anything and over-analyzing everything.

This sucks. 

I enjoy reading your posts. Thanks.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's normal to analyze and trying to make sense of everything when you are going through a life change like this. 

All you can do is rely on what you DO know: which is that he has unilaterally ended your decade-long relationship.

So when someone wants to part from you, don't hold onto to them. Love should be given freely. You will feel a lot better about yourself/the situation if you are not grasping at straws/him/clinging.

It will get better. I promise.


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Actions has motivations - his actions really are filled with red flags about his motivation to take them.
> 
> Other than the fight - what else is going on in his life ? New friends? Gyms?
> 
> Is it possible your daughter told him something nasty about you? Maybe a lie in the heat of the moment that he's reacting to?


Thanks for your response.

I am not quite sure what you mean in your first statement.

There aren't any new friends, nothing changed as in places he goes to. Before this, we were always together except for work. I know everyone there, he is the boss- no changes there.

I never thought about my daughter saying something negative like that. I actually just asked her about that and she claims nothing was said about me except him saying he would kick me out to get her out. She had no problem packing immediately. Her words hurt him and he claims that he will never get over it and that's something he will have to live with forever. They both said very hurtful things to each other. There will never be any reconciliation on their parts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

saying "no one else" may be honest. However, if he ever used the words "just a friend" about someone, that is trouble. Cheaters always say "just a friend"


----------



## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> saying "no one else" may be honest. However, if he ever used the words "just a friend" about someone, that is trouble. Cheaters always say "just a friend"


This is such a conundrum. "Just a friend" could be just a friend! How else to describe someone in your life that is just a friend? What would be the best way to say someone is just a friend when they are just a friend?

This statement of "just a friend" seems almost like the question, "Do these pants make me look fat?" No one ever believes the answer to that even if it's a good one. lol.

I have said someone is just a friend and they were just a friend. I would like to know how I should label someone who is "just a friend" so I don't have people think I'm cheating.... :scratchhead:


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Again71 said:


> Thanks for your response.
> 
> I am not quite sure what you mean in your first statement.
> 
> ...


I mean there must be a reason why he has so strongly chosen to act like this. Kicking you out is a such an extreme rejection that just an argument with your daughter doesn't seem to be enough. I suspect there is more going on here.


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Red flag. Something is not quite right about all of this. Such extreme behavior ususally indicates serious underlying issues.

I would be questioning just like you. And I would want answers. Don't blame you for being puzzled.

What actions are you going to take?


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> Red flag. Something is not quite right about all of this. Such extreme behavior ususally indicates serious underlying issues.
> 
> I would be questioning just like you. And I would want answers. Don't blame you for being puzzled.
> 
> What actions are you going to take?


When I tried to talk with him about this- he got mad. He told me that he needs time and doesn't know how long that will be. He's not going over it again, leave him alone, etc. Keep in mind, HE wanted me out, so I reinstated the original apartment I had a month ago when he did this to me before he ASKED me to stay. Once I told him I got an apartment, I have either yelling about finances or silent treatment- there is NO in between. 

The finances he refers to are cc bills that were accumulated over the course of our 10 yrs together. CC in his name, no one ever told him to charge the way he did, now he's paying for it and he is yelling at me saying I will be living debit free with my "shiny new car" and he will be overrun with bills. I reminded his that he is the one that wanted me to move! He makes good money, but we are a two income household. I don't know how he is going to do it without me.

Now I need to come up with so much money out of my next check for rent and car payment that I won't be about to afford Christmas gifts for my kids, 20yrs and 17yrs. (They understand but it makes me feel like crap). However, I feel obligated to give him money out of my check for bills; even though it will make me short and he wanted me to move. 

The whole situation is confusing to me. I don't know how to post a link, but if you read my original post on this, it explains more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Darkhorse said:


> This is such a conundrum. "Just a friend" could be just a friend! How else to describe someone in your life that is just a friend? What would be the best way to say someone is just a friend when they are just a friend?
> 
> This statement of "just a friend" seems almost like the question, "Do these pants make me look fat?" No one ever believes the answer to that even if it's a good one. lol.
> 
> I have said someone is just a friend and they were just a friend. I would like to know how I should label someone who is "just a friend" so I don't have people think I'm cheating.... :scratchhead:


when a person is having an affair and they refer to that person as "just a friend" they will refuse to give up any other information about that person because they dont want their spouse to look further into things. Now, with you, I'm going to guess that your "just a friend" was someone you did not hide any facts or details about from your spouse. The cheating spouse will become very defensive about the "just a friend" and they will then accuse the suspicious spouse of not trusting them and try to guilt trip them into getting them off their back. And yes, of course regular people have friends who are simply friends, nothing more but cheaters are not regular people and they do all follow the same script and use the same cheat-speak. Sorry to confuse you but the poster of this question was wondering if possibly her spouse could be cheating, and "just a friend" is a cheat-speak term but it also goes along with a certain behavior as well.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Without any hard facts, she has nothing to go on.

That said, his behavior is suspect.

Nonetheless: the fact remains--he's told her he's not sure of their relationship, wants "time" and then what she chooses do w/ that information alone is up to her. Right now he does not seem like he's "all in" for the marriage. I would set up hardcore boundaries. Don't chase him.


----------

