# First night out of the house



## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

Oh boy, I have a range of emotions going on. Yesterday morning my wife comments you seem happy. Funny thing was I was anxious and sad. When a 31 year marriage ends, it's heartbreaking, but in reality the marriage never really got started and that's why it is ending. The seemingly happy family of four was far from happy.
I took 2 loads of stuff to my new place. No real emotion on the 1st trip, but damn did the 2nd trip (leaving the house) hit me hard. I cried like a baby in our driveway. Fortunately I have been through recovery and I know to reach out to trusted and safe friends. I had a great conversation with a friend who helped me stop some stinking thinking I was having: namely going to a strip club and drinking my night away.
The guy who I moved in with is great. He's only been divorced 6 months himself. Tonight I plan to meet up with a group to learn how to swing dance. I have 2 left feet so this should be real fun... 
I am reading a lot right now. What other things have you who have been through this done early on?


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Thanks for your post, and sorry about your situation. 
But, you leave out a lot of info. Who initiated the divorce? Why weren't you or the wife happy? How do you know?


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## sia (May 25, 2018)

You're ahead of me in this process, but the emotions can make a person crazy! You think you're fine, then bam, not fine. Anything can trigger it, a word, a smell, a song, nothing at all...!! I'm so sorry you're going through this. One day and one step at a time...

You're doing the right thing - trying new things. And don't worry about the two left feet! Swing dancing events usually draw more women than men, so any male dance partner is welcome! It gets easier over time, just stick with it. Practice the basic steps at home until they're natural with the beat. You will not regret it. Dancing is so fun! I really hope you have a great time!


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## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

GC1234 said:


> Thanks for your post, and sorry about your situation.
> But, you leave out a lot of info. Who initiated the divorce? Why weren't you or the wife happy? How do you know?


Yes, I have other threads that explain the situation more. No need to rehash that here.


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## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

GC1234 said:


> Thanks for your post, and sorry about your situation.
> But, you leave out a lot of info. Who initiated the divorce? Why weren't you or the wife happy? How do you know?


I guess the short is I initiated it. Not even a real happiness issue, but she's been a SAHM now for 25 years and I never signed up for that. The plan was get the kids in school and go back to work. Well she doesn't work and doesn't keep the house up. She spends all the money of this household on stupid stuff that is not needed. She has real issues but she just sees mine. I have issues too - I'm selfish and short when I don't get my way. I am learning to be more direct. I started having thoughts of hurting her and I can't do that. I had to get out.
-tim


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Sorry about the swing dancing. That's tough. I probably couldn't handle that.
So I went back and reviewed. I got no advice for ya. You are a giving person. You enjoy giving her your wealth. It is not what she has ever needed. It is what she wanted.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

timcarp1964 said:


> I guess the short is I initiated it. Not even a real happiness issue, but she's been a SAHM now for 25 years and I never signed up for that. The plan was get the kids in school and go back to work. Well she doesn't work and doesn't keep the house up. She spends all the money of this household on stupid stuff that is not needed. She has real issues but she just sees mine. I have issues too - I'm selfish and short when I don't get my way. I am learning to be more direct. I started having thoughts of hurting her and I can't do that. I had to get out.
> -tim


Ok, I went back and read some of your previous posts. Based on what I have read, there's not much to salvage. Wife's probably spending your money and not working out of lack of motivation, depression I would think, after all the problems. There's nothing to salvage here. Do things to distract yourself, and move on.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My situation was very different in that I was left as a 24/7 single mum of three, so for 2 or 3 years I was so completely exhausted coping with the shock, trying to keep the family together and running the home to even think of going out anywhere. It was 4 years before I could think of dating again as well. I often envied those who divorce who had help with children and time to just be on their own.


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