# Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday



## _Sugah_

Hey guys! I talked with my girlfriends about this issue i have with my husband but now i want a male opinion about it 

Ill give yall a little information about us

Married for a year now and everything is great besides our sex life. I love having sex and im an attractive 24 year old woman and my husband is 30.
My husband is in the army so of course we dont really have a lot of time to have sex like other couples. Its a really stressfull job so i understand that he wants to rest after a long day.
We used to have sex 3 times a week which was fine with me ( eventhough i wanted more lol )

Since a few month now he seems not to be interested in it as much as he used to, we still sometimes have sex once a week but lately its more like every 2 weeks and every time i initiate it he turns me down saying he is to tired BUT he watches porn every time he gets the chance and gets off to it too (sorry for my language)

So how can he turn me down saying hes to tired but then watches porn til 1 am in the morning knowing he has to get up early??

I never had a problem with porn but once he puts me out the picture and prefers watching it more than have sex with me im not okay with it

any thoughts or opinions would be really much appreciated  !!!


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## MarriedWifeInLove

This subject has been approached A LOT here on TAM. 

Go to Sex In Marriage and read a few of the threads. Some of mine address this EXACT issue - I can't figure it out and have given up trying.

If you find something that works, let me and the rest of us in your situation know.

Just know this - you are definitely NOT ALONE here with this issue - it's more prelevant than you think.


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## CallaLily

I agree about reading some of the other threads about it. 

My only guess is, he is disconnected from you and connected with the porn. That is usually a recipe for disaster. The hard thing is, trying to figure out why he has more interest in that than you.


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## Blanca

_Sugah_ said:


> So how can he turn me down saying hes to tired but then watches porn til 1 am in the morning knowing he has to get up early??


Porn is easy. Its what he wants when he wants it. It makes the "real" thing seem much less desirable. Especially if he's stressed, its just a quick way to feel good. 

How long have you been together all together? Do you work? school? Not to be blunt, but do you take care of yourself?


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## _Sugah_

Alright thnx ill do that!! I didnt know so many deal with this issue.. but it kinda makes me feel better that im not the only one.
Man sometimes i wish we could go back in time were no computers existed:smthumbup: when there was no easy access to porn lol

I will check out the threads and if i find something that works i will definitly let u guys know.. cause i know how frustrated you must be at this point!


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## _Sugah_

Hey blanca

Well we have been married for a year now and dated for 2 years before we got married.

Im at home now with my 1 year old son but soon ill start studying again.. and no you are not being blunt i understand why u asking me that  i take real good care of myself, i stay in shape and i always try to look good so i know it cant be anything physical.. he also tells me im beautiful and all the good stuff so thats why im a little confused!

I totally agree with what you are saying about porn being easy and i dont mind him watching it or pleasing himself at all but once it gets in the way of our sexlife it gets a problem!


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## Conrad

Have you ever watched porn with him?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Conrad said:


> Have you ever watched porn with him?


Conrad - I love ya - but THIS DOES NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING!

I watch porn, have watched porn with my husband also - even looked at his porn, that he watches himself to get ideas, change things up, introduce things he was looking at, etc.

And while our sex life spiced up - it didn't change his porn viewing habits NOT ONE BIT.

Some men - just can't figure them out - so I quit trying.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

I will have to say though, the last time we were intimate, he threw something NEW out there that was quite a shock - not an issue, I went along and he really enjoyed it - just didn't expect it - knew what he was looking at on-line, but don't think I saw "this" played out anywhere or I might have missed it! LOL


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## Conrad

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Conrad - I love ya - but THIS DOES NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING!
> 
> I watch porn, have watched porn with my husband also - even looked at his porn, that he watches himself to get ideas, change things up, introduce things he was looking at, etc.
> 
> And while our sex life spiced up - it didn't change his porn viewing habits NOT ONE BIT.
> 
> Some men - just can't figure them out - so I quit trying.


Does the gal who started the thread want him to quit viewing porn or does she simply want more sex?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Conrad said:


> Does the gal who started the thread want him to quit viewing porn or does she simply want more sex?


Problem with porn replacing her for sex.

So, at this time, problem with porn and sex.

More sex, no problem with porn.

Understood it perfectly - same problem I have - exactly the same.

And guess what - I have the exact same viewpoint as the OP.


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## Conrad

And I asked the question because I'm not sure she watches it with him.

If she would watch it with him, it may help solve her other complaint.

Make sense?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Conrad said:


> And I asked the question because I'm not sure she watches it with him.
> 
> If she would watch it with him, it may help solve her other complaint.
> 
> Make sense?


Sure, but if she does, then what?


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## Conrad

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Sure, but if she does, then what?


The same thing that happens when I watch it with my wife.


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## Blanca

_Sugah_ said:


> Im at home now with my 1 year old son but soon ill start studying again.. and no you are not being blunt i understand why u asking me that


I have done a lot of thinking about why my own H turned to porn in my marriage. One of the common themes i find among women who are in marriages like this, myself included, is the girl is staying home a lot. I dont know what it means, but it seems to be the common theme. 

Anyway, even if you are technically OK with porn, you might find that its not going to work in your marriage. that is what i found out. I also found out a lot of other things. My H turned to porn and lied to me about it because he didnt feel like an equal partner in the relationship. I think he felt used and like an object to me. Maybe that's not the case for you but this is usually an indication of a bigger problem in your marriage. Its rarely actually about the porn. The biggest misconception is assuming that its a simple issue that is his fault.


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## 5cott

I look at porn occasionally (probably about twice a week on average) and still do sex with my wife (of 12 years), once or twice a week. I don't talk about the porn, and keep it private.

In the past (several years ago) we have tried looking at porn together, or going to strip clubs together, and it seemed to just make her feel uncomfortable. So we stopped.

I enjoy the variety of looking at porn once in a while, and still doing sex with a real woman (my wife). I've never done sex with anyone but my wife since we started dating. The only thing that came close was getting lap dances at strip clubs, but I gave that up several years ago.

I really don't understand why a man would be satisfied with porn and porn alone. On the other hand, he is doing sex with you about once every two weeks. At least he hasn't stopped completely!

I think I read in the "Women are From Venus" book that, in this kind of situation, the woman could masturbate while lying in bed with the man. Often the man might be turned on by this and join in.


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## _Sugah_

Hey Conrad! Yes i did watch porn with him and we had sex to it too so that was fun and we were good for a month but then it all started again.. and i dont really want to have sex to porn ALL the time you know... sometimes i just wanna have sex with my husband without looking at bootys and titties lol 

hmmm so Blanca you think that if i would be working or would be out the house more often he would watch less porn and will have more sex with me? I think with my hubby he would feel like he is in heaven haha he would just sit in front of the computer until he falls asleep  
I talked to my husband yesterday about the porn-issue and he felt a little bit uncomfortable but he told me exactly what Blanca said.. he said its an easy way to feel good without putting effort in anything and he doesnt want to treat me like an object just so he can get his.. so instead of having a quickie with me just to get his he just watches porn instead... 

hey 5cott!
wow only twice a week! im in shock  its just because my hubby watches it almost every day!! or whenever he gets the chance.. i always wondered if it was an addiction but i talked to some males and they said its normal... so i dont know!
Yea u are right we do still have sex and whenever we have it its amazing!! i just want it a little more then once a week or every 2 weeks like we used to do it maybe he just got in the ''comfort-zone'' i really dont know!


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## Ooogles

Want your husband to stop watching less porn? Do the female equivalent. Get yourself this electric vibrator. -> YouTube - The Hitachi Magic Wand: a study in "guh, wow!" 
Yeah that's right, I said electric, up all the time whenever you need it, no batteries. Commit to using it often. It will make him jealous and make you feel like a million bucks. I would highly recommend the blue attachment.


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## Syrum

Studies have been done that show that porn is very addictive and becoming a huge problem in a lot of marriages. Many men become so addicted that they cannot have real sex without thinking of porn or cannot get off without it.

If he cannot give up the porn then he is addicted and needs help, if he will not get help with you then you know where his priorities lie.

porn is a poor substitute for real sex, it makes men bad in bed, because they watch women faking sex and doing things they wouldn't normally do, and expect the women in their life to be like the women in porn. Or they often compare the women they are with to the women in porn. 

Porn widens the gap in relationships and often makes real sex bad. the suggestion of watching porn with him is a bad one and does nothing to increase the sexual connection between couples.

I hope he gets help and realises that real sex with real women, beats porn any time, before he loses you.


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## woodstock

SOunds like a man with a healthy sex drive, but a fear of intamacy. A head case of sorts. Either there is something in the porn that is getting him off that is not done in bed... or he has developed a fear of the emotional connection that occurs with the real thing. In the Army? Perhaps there is something in his experience there? Has he lost intamacy outside of sex? Emotionally distant?


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## AgentD

Viewing porn from time to time is fine, but those who watch it alot or are preferring it over their wife, thats usually and indication they are avoiding other issues in the relationship. Its their escape from reality. Its ok to escape from time to time as long as you come back to reality and deal with things. When you don't deal with whatever is going on in your life and porn is the replacement for that, then you have a real problem. So many people who rather not deal with any issues period. Turning to porn ALL the time though just creates more problems.


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## SoCalKat

I only watch it during "alone time" from time to time. I can still have "alone time" and please my wife the same day. I'd much rather have sex with her, but she's not always up for it. 

Sometimes a guy just needs the release. As long as that doesn't interfere with his sex life with his wife, no problem. My wife and I have gone on vacation and done it multiple times per day for a whole week.

Sounds like your man has a problem...


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## Justawoman

Hello me and my husband have been married for 2 years we have been living together for 5 years he too is in the army. I had the same problem with my husband not wanting sex and watching porn instead and i of course wanted more and it was so irritating and frustrating that i couldn't gain his interest in the bed room. When dealing with this issue i just did what he did instead of showing interest in him i too went to porn to satisfy my own needs when he felt like he was being neglected he started trying more and more to get my interest and the porn thing goes both ways now but we have a lot more sex and honestly it is a lot better than before!


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