# He resents me because I'm unemployed



## lonelyandpregnant (Sep 2, 2010)

This will be my 3rd year to be an unemployed teacher. It's terrible and heartbreaking that I can't seem to secure a position. My husband has a great job making just enough for us, but it's not enough for him. Every year about this time he gets distant and mean. I can't help it. I've tried. 

We have an 2.5 year old son that I stay home with and we're unexpectdly expecting again in November. 

There's not much I can do 7 months pregnant.

I don't know what to say to him or how to make him realize that things will be okay. It's worked out before and it will work out again.

Any advice is appreciated. 
I'm worried that he's getting too distant and our intimacy is non existent mainly because I'm giant with baby =(


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm sorry your husband feels this way. He should be happy you are staying at home with the young son and the new baby. How do his parents feel about you staying at home? I'm wondering if they could talk to him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The economy stinks, and lots of folks are worried. Your husband's probably no exception. For what it's worth, I think it's smart to stay home with your child till he's about 3, at least, if you're financially able to do it. Would it help him feel better if you did a little tutoring or perhaps taught as a substitute once in a while? Even at 7 months pregnant, you could tutor a little. It would be more of a symbolic contribution, but that may be what he needs right now. I'm sure you already fuss over him and tell him how proud you are that he supports his family so well, etc. My wife is a teacher and loves the kids but sometimes can't stand all the administrative BS that goes with the job. I think she's creative enough to write childrens' books. That's something one can do from their home and if you have the inclination, you already have the necessary growth and development and education skill sets. You already have one small critic you can test your stories on. Hey, somebody's being paid to write them! Might as well be you.


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## Nickj (Aug 30, 2010)

Talk to your husband and make him realized that it is difficult for you to work now in this condition. Tell him about the problems which you are facing and tell him that I will work out after some time hope so he will understand your problem.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I am sure he's worried about the upcoming new addition to your family and providing for all of you. Let him know that you are going to do everything possible to be frugal until you get back on your feet from having this baby. When the baby is a bit older, make a plan to get back to work. Whether that includes registering at a temp agency, or getting some additional training.


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## lonelyandpregnant (Sep 2, 2010)

Thanks guys. 

yea, It's not worth workig when there will be two in childcare....at least in a job that doesn't have a good salary.

I do make sure he knows how grateful and proud I am, but I don't think it's enough for him. 

I've decided to change our buying habits which means eating things I don't prefer, i.e Raman Noodles, but I guess it will help a little.

His dad secretly hoped I wouldn't get a job this year because he wants me home with the two little ones. And, my husband get alot of his tendencies from his father.

Guess, we'll see. I think he is really stressed right now. We still haven't met our deductible so that's even more money going out the door. On top of that me and baby are having heart issues which is requiring extra ultrasounds and I wore a heart monitor for 48 hours.

I'm rambling. I just don't want to talk to my friends because they don't give productive advice, as in, "Tell him to suck it up and be a father/husband." That doesn't really help me.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

lonelyandpregnant said:


> Guess, we'll see. I think he is really stressed right now. We still haven't met our deductible so that's even more money going out the door. On top of that me and baby are having heart issues which is requiring extra ultrasounds and I wore a heart monitor for 48 hours.


And yet he expects you to be working! I think it's about time he signed up for a "sensitivity class".


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I can give you advice on what NOT to do ...

Don't dismiss his concerns. His stress is very real, I can assure you. He is likely afraid of feeling like he will fail the people he is trying to provide for. Moreover, he may not feel like he has much of a partner in you right now. We are expected to do exactly as your insightful girlfriends indicated; fade into the background, suck it all up, shut up and do it.

I would suggest trying to empathize. I experienced similar concerns with my spouse. I had no problem with her being a SAHM, as long as my income was sufficient - the time came when it wasn't.

We racked up substantial credit card debt paying for household needs, while she simply gave me a litany of reasons why she shouldn't work - even part time.

You both have jobs to do - and these are exactly the circumstances that put your marriage most at risk if you don't make the relationship between the two of you a priority. 

If he doesn't think you are trying, and you simply think he's crying that the sky is falling, you have a recipe for disaster. I know this, because I went through it.

You fell in love, got married, and are having kids together. You chose that course out of love and common goals. Those common goals will also be the greatest contributor to the UNdoing of your marriage if you ignore the foundation of your relationship - which is the bond between you and your husband.

You need to have the conversation where you both air out your concerns about how this plan moves forward, so that you can each find a measure of peace, and take some joy from the family you are building. Don't do this, and the family you are building will simply become the primary driver of resentment between the two of you instead.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Can you tutor at home? Surely there will be students who need to catch up in class...


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