# I stepped out.



## Dalebot (May 13, 2012)

Wow...

I haven't been on these forums in a few months and reviewed the previous posts on the subject...and it makes me feel odd.

In short you can guess what happened, I stepped out on my wife with the other woman in question. I was out at a living history event and me and said woman got very hammered and ended up in bed together. When it was all said and done we agreed it never happened and moved on, case closed.

So now, in the back of my head when I have a close moment with my wife this voice in the back of my head says "I cheated" yet, I'm not sure if telling her would be a wise choice.

Right off the bat, she would go psychotic. She has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. I know she would never forgive me, and would constantly bring it up, like she does with both things. She would also take my family (my two dogs) away from me. 

Another reason, is things have actually improved emotionally. The sex is still rather non-existent, but I find to be having better moments with her, things seem to be improving.

So I've been weighing the pros and cons of telling her. Can I live with this for the rest of my life? My therapist tells me it's simply down to me. He says if I tell, be prepared to ride the bomb down and deal with it, if I don't, pay for it in another way, be the best husband you can be for the rest of my days and learn from this mistake. 

I do love my wife, but I know she would respond. So is it worth it to blow it all away, or keep it silent, and pay for it and be the best I possibly can be to her?


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

You may love your wife... She may not feel loved with your affair. You will forever be haunted if you do not tell her. Do not fancy it or down play it. Answer any and all questions. Nope she is not changing your life. You did. She deserves to know, doesn't she?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

What would you think if your wife banged some dude and kept quiet about it? You have a right to know that kind of backstabbing, wouldn't you say?


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

Dalebot. Hey it takes some to come here where I would say majority have had WS's. Hope your sincerity is true and your wife is willing to listen. She does have the right not to listen, hope you respect that.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Why do you want to tell her?

If it's selfish because you want to make yourself feel better and relieve your guilt, then don't. You're just passing your bad feelings to her. I can tell you that knowing I was cheated on made me feel ugly and stupid and made me doubt my own life. What do you hope to accomplish by telling her?

I wi tell you that you are at risk of cheating. I know this because you said that she has a tendency to blow things out of proportion- so cheating is a small thing that she will blow out of proportion? My husband thinks I over react because he's insensitive and clueless and so thinks I make a big deal out of things when I complain. It is part of his selfishness.

I think it's time for you to go to ic and figure out what prompted you to do this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

So she's psycho and going to "blow this out of proportion"...therefore doesn't deserve the truth. And somehow your marriage and sex life is supposed to improve.

You came here looking for advice and opinions. I think you are checked out of this marriage for the most part and you want to stay for stability. I think you'll find a way to justify not telling her and you will cheat again. 

Whatever was going on in your relationship, cheating was not a solution. Neither is lying. You can't spend the rest of your life making up for something that she isn't even aware of. You could be a perfect husband for years and she could find out and what then? She'd be left questioning who this actor playing the perfect husband was and what else was a lie.

Just because you and the slvt decided it "didn't happen" doesn't make it so. This is your revisionist history of the "truth".


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

You're a big boy. You weight things and stay in the marriage or don't stay in the marriage. There's no reason/excuse to cheat. That said, if it really is a one time failing and it will never happen again then I wouldn't tell her. You messed up. You deal with the guilt on your own.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Bottom line: it's disrespectful to your W to keep this secret. You are essentially treating her like a fool by doing so. The life she thinks she has, the husband she thinks she has, is an illusion. Honor her by giving her the truth.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

You could just leave her and not say anything. You also should examine your drinking patterns. Getting "hammered" is a word alcoholics use. It's no excuse for what you did but it probably played a factor in your affair. You probably shouldn't drink anymore. 
I think you need to tell your wife and she will go "psycho" and justifiably so. It is a big deal and she wouldn't be over reacting. 

There are many people here who have done what you did on this forum. They will likely support your efforts to reconcile your marriage. You will need to tell her everything and be very remoarseful for what you did if you have a chance of salvaging the marriage and there is a good chance that your marriage is over and she will leave you. 
I use to be of the opinion of not telling her and keeping the guilt to yourself, I no longer believe that. You have already told us and its "our" secret. We get to carry your secret because we don't know your wife. You will be living a lie for the rest of your marriage. You will never be truly happy with her again until she knows all of you.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

So tell her. Did you get tested for stds or did you use protection?

If you give her an std, she will know.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Dalebot said:


> She has a tendency to blow things out of proportion.


That's impossible. Any reaction she has, no matter how severe, is completely justified. Short of murder that is. 



Dalebot said:


> I know she would never forgive me, and would constantly bring it up, like she does with both things. She would also take my family (my two dogs) away from me.


You're a very selfish person. You only think about yourself. What will happen to ME if she finds out?

Me Me Me.. 

Maybe for once, do the right thing and give her the benefit of the truth, even if you have to face the consequences of your actions.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

What do you mean by 'blow things out of proportion'? By this do you mean she will actually care that you got blind rotten drunk (which is no excuse) and disrespected your wife by having sex with another woman? You obviously weren't too drunk or you would not have been able to perform and then come up with a plan to cover your infedility. 

I can promise you this, if you don't confess your wrong doing to your wife, she will eventually find out. Wives are often more in tune with their husband's behaviour and moods than the husbands realise. It is very difficult to cover the fact that you feel guilty (and I hope you do) from her forever.

In the end, you will do what you think is best for yourself, most people do. What annoys me from the reading of your post is that you don't seem in the least bit remorseful, you just want to know how to get the best outcome for number 1, that being you.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Some questions to ponder : 

a. what makes you think you won't do this again? You are already touting the said merits of cheating for yourself. Why not do it again when your marriage is floundering badly?

b. what makes you think she won't find out? Do you really think you are that one brilliant cheater who won't get caught where everyone else does?

c. what is your regular coping strategy for marital problems? Is this going to be the default now since it worked for you?

d. are you going to be able to live with this voice in your head for the rest of your lives? That's a long time to lie by omission day in and day out... how many years are you planning on lying by omission on a daily basis?

e. are you planning on quitting drinking? It clearly is a problem.

f. what else do you lie to your wife about?

g. what other ways do you disrespect your wife when she's not looking?

My biggest concern is you can't even tell US the truth... you said you "stepped out"... you cant' even type the word "cheating"? That's what this is.. it's not "stepping out".. it's : 

a. cheating
b. lying
c. covering up
d. conspiring
e. disrespecting
f. sabotaging
g. contaminating

That's what you bundle up into the cute "stepped out" phrase...


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

I also find it interesting that you can trust yourself for the remainder of your years with your marriage vows, but you can't trust your wife to respond to the truth with any maturity.

So.. you, the cheater, are trustworthy to never disrespect her again. Your wife, untried and untested and without having cheated, and she does not get even a first shot and making the mature choice that you already failed to?

Because you violated her trust to this level, you can't trust her to make what you believe to be the mature response for you?

That hardly seems considerate...

I dunno... I want to help here, but I am reading a lot of rationalizing...


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dalebot
I have read most of your post, you have been unhappy with your marriage for over 1.5 years. 
THat is a very long time to be unhappy in a relationship.
At the middle of the year, you began wondering if it would be okay to step out on your marriage.
You finally did it.
You question now if you should tell your wife about it.
I think you need to come clean, tell her what happened and ask for a divorce.
You are obviously not happy. It wasn't the best decision to cheat on your wife, but it is done now. No amount of what ifs will change that.
Your wife, regardless of how dysfunctional your marriage was, has the right to know you slept with someone else.
I found it cynical you said "She will blow it out of proportion", why did you say this?
Do you not think having sex with someone else is a big deal?
Only you can answer that.
Be prepared for the emotional upheaval the cheating will bring to you and your wife. 

If you decide not to tell her, I suggest you both work on communication. Why are you in therapy? Is he is some sort of therapy?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> Blow it out of all proportion


What? Like she might think you had sex with a lover?


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> What? Like she might think you had sex with a lover?


Lover?

Try interloper or predator.

Lover is reserved for the forgiving betrayed spouse.. they are lovers.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> Lover?
> 
> Try interloper or predator.
> 
> Lover is reserved for the forgiving betrayed spouse.. they are lovers.


But a lover in this context is far more dangerous.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> But a lover in this context is far more dangerous.


I do'nt use the term lover, it just gives the affair credibility.

Why on earth would you want to help a cheater romanticize their nonsense relationship by calling an interloper a lover? You are just feeding the fantasy.

I only use interloper, predator, or at best infidelity partner.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Heck no, you should not tell her. It would only hurt her, just for you to feel better? No. Suck it up and live with it. And keep your dang willy in your pants from now on. Seriously.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

See, I honestly do think some people cheat and unconsciously WANT to get caught. 

They want to get caught and have the fall out afterwards because it's the only way they can see to make some changes in their lives. They feel paralyzed, stuck and weak otherwise and subconsciously they try to kick up a lot of dirt in order to make something different happen. It's a more indirect way than demanding it and having the confidence to leave if they aren't getting what they need.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> See, I honestly do think some people cheat and unconsciously WANT to get caught.
> 
> They want to get caught and have the fall out afterwards because it's the only way they can find to make a change in their lives. They feel paralyzed and weak otherwise and subconsciously try to kick up a lot of dirt to make something happen an indirect way.


Sometimes cheating is a pathetic, destructive, childish cry for help yes.. on some rare occasions... most of the time it's just selfish people thinking they can get away with it.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Heck no, you should not tell her. It would only hurt her, just for you to feel better? No. Suck it up and live with it. And keep your dang willy in your pants from now on. Seriously.


No consequences = no chance this won't repeat.

This will happen again unless he fesses up.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> No consequences = no chance this won't repeat.
> 
> This will happen again unless he fesses up.


Sorry, but I don't believe everyone who cheats will be a serial cheater. 

I don't know this man's story in detail, but if he feels like he's stuck on a hamster wheel then maybe it will happen again.



Allen_A said:


> Sometimes cheating is a pathetic, destructive, childish cry for help yes.. on some rare occasions... most of the time it's just selfish people thinking they can get away with it.


Well, I do agree with that.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Sorry, but I don't believe everyone who cheats will be a serial cheater.
> 
> I don't know this man's story in detail, but if he feels like he's stuck on a hamster wheel then maybe it will happen again.


Just look at his attitude in his post.. it's all me me me.

He's worried about how she will "over" react? He's worried about his own ass, not his marriage.

The only credit I can give him at this point is at least admitting it here...

But then he couldn't even say it, he had to call it "stepped out.."

Read the replies.. no one is impressed with his attitude.

It's not just that he cheated with no consequences.. he's not even remorseful.

Heck he has to get his wife to take a STD test now, and if he doesn't then there's more selfishness...

The amount of selfishness he's shown in his post... Yes. He will cheat again.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

My husband admitted he left clues because he felt bad about what he was doing and because he wanted me to join him . I also think some people cheat and them when the bs ends the affair, they can tell everyone it's the bs fault for not giving them a 2nd chance.

I remover one of my friends left his wife and after 2 months she filed for legal separation. He then tried telling people that she had wanted the split as age filed for separation.. Maybe the op wants to tell his wife so she leaves him. 

Oh op, are you out there?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> My husband admitted he left clues because he felt bad about what he was doing and because he wanted me to join him . I also think some people cheat and them when the bs ends the affair, they can tell everyone it's the bs fault for not giving them a 2nd chance.
> 
> I remover one of my friends left his wife and after 2 months she filed for legal separation. He then tried telling people that she had wanted the split as age filed for separation.. Maybe the op wants to tell his wife so she leaves him.
> 
> ...


Right, he probably wants his wife to leave him, so he doesn't have to be the one to abandon his wife and kids. He doesn't know that he's going to feel like a jerk no matter what.

And what did your husband want you to join him in?


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> My husband admitted he left clues because he felt bad about what he was doing


And you actually believe that from a known liar?

Maybe he was just arrogant and careless?

He's just trying to pretend he's remorseful and hoping you will believe it.

That's a far more likely explanation than his remorse was driving him to leave clues.. 

Where did he hear that one.. CSI?

I don't buy that for second.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> And you actually believe that from a known liar?
> 
> Maybe he was just arrogant and careless?
> 
> ...


I don't know where you get fake remorse from that. I don't even see fake remorse in that. I don't see arrogance either. Just really pathetic (cowardly) and self-absorbed.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

He wanted me to join him in threesomes that he was doing before he met me and failed to tell me about during dating, engagement and having a kid together. He did say he thought left the clues subconsciously. I don't think he feels bad. I don't think he even wants me there. It's just that from what I've read, single men are looked down on in the lifestyle. I think that he thinks we will get more action as a couple. His freaking secret email address is our first initials together. That's the one he uses on Craigslist, swing life style etc.

I'm not delusional and I know he's a serial cheater and liar, but I've been with him for 13 years and so it's hard for me to understand it's all a lie. Part of me wants to believe he does love me and wants to be with me. I can't believe some dated, married and impregnated another person without having some feelings for them. Maybe that is the ****amamy optimist in me or that I see the good in everybody. I guess that why I'm a bs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Dalebot said:


> Wow...
> 
> I haven't been on these forums in a few months and reviewed the previous posts on the subject...and it makes me feel odd.
> 
> ...




Do that!! Unless you want your marriage, life, and future forever altered. You screwed up, you know it, be a great husband going forward.

NO good comes from this if you are already a changed man. Do you tell her everytime you masturbate to porn? Do you tell her everytime you see a hot woman? 

Of course not!! Why? because in most marriages nothing good comes from that. Let's repeat  you screwed up, you know it, move on, squash it and be the best husband you can be.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

looking for clarity said:


> He wanted me to join him in threesomes that he was doing before he met me and failed to tell me about during dating, engagement and having a kid together. He did say he thought left the clues subconsciously. I don't think he feels bad. I don't think he even wants me there. It's just that from what I've read, single men are looked down on in the lifestyle. I think that he thinks we will get more action as a couple. His freaking secret email address is our first initials together. That's the one he uses on Craigslist, swing life style etc.
> 
> I'm not delusional and I know he's a serial cheater and liar, but I've been with him for 13 years and so it's hard for me to understand it's all a lie. Part of me wants to believe he does love me and wants to be with me. I can't believe some dated, married and impregnated another person without having some feelings for them. Maybe that is the ****amamy optimist in me or that I see the good in everybody. I guess that why I'm a bs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think he feels bad or wants you there either.

I think you deserve better. Good luck.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Do that!! Unless you want your marriage, life, and future forever altered. You screwed up, you know it, be a great husband going forward.
> 
> NO good comes from this if you are already a changed man. Do you tell her everytime you masturbate to porn? Do you tell her everytime you see a hot woman?
> 
> Of course not!! Why? because in most marriages nothing good comes from that. Let's repeat  you screwed up, you know it, move on, squash it and be the best husband you can be.


Going to guess you are a wayward? Maybe if you are married and your spouse does this to you, you will understand why I disagree with your advice.

How can you possibly put looking at another woman on the same level as going to bed with them?

And how can you have a close and intimate relationship with such a lie at its core? The marriage is already altered forever. That horse has bolted. It's just now a question if whether to compound that damage by being (sorry) a liar as well as a cheat.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Wazza said:


> Going to guess you are a wayward? Maybe if you are married and your spouse does this to you, you will understand why I disagree with your advice.
> 
> How can you possibly put looking at another woman on the same level as going to bed with them?
> 
> And how can you have a close and intimate relationship with such a lie at its core? The marriage is already altered forever. That horse has bolted. It's just now a question if whether to compound that damage by being (sorry) a liar as well as a cheat.


How about I am a realisit!! My wife and I both cheated on each other tons in college with her stopping about 6 months before I did.

I still remember, during marriage counseling, we both drank a little too much and had a heart to heart asking each other who were all the people we slept with.

I still remember like yesterday the names she listed. My best friend at the time was on that list etc etc. It infuriated me.........and she ironically already knew most of mine (special woman powers I guess or guys desire to brag lol)

Guess what I learned and have since been taught many times over is absoulute truth is not always the best choice in the real world. There isn't some reward you win at the end of life for being the most brutally honest!!

There are many things in life that I wish I was never exposed too. I know that my life would be better in reality if I would have never known certain things.

In a case like this man's where he is not in a affair, knows the mistake he made, wants to be a great husband, so to tell at this stage is marital suicide.

I have said many times throughout the years if my wife had a ONS on a business trip and it truly was just that DO NOT TELL ME DO NOT DO NOT!!

My life is awesome and the reality is my life would be so much better not knowing that little piece of information.

Principle vs Reality!! Look at this forum how many live's would be so much better if they would have never known? 

Ultimately no cheating should ever occur, but I'm not on board with confession unless it's to stop a affair that is ongoing.


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## Dalebot (May 13, 2012)

First off...

I did get an STD test BEFORE I had sex with my wife again. Thankfully she's so good at keeping her legs closed it wasn't an issue. I came back clean.

I love how there are nearly 3 pages of people telling me I'm the lowest form of life on earth. I read around the internet and this board and to be honest I think I'm pretty decent compared to most of the cheaters around here. No I didn't sleep with her sister, no I didn't sleep with anyone she was close to, no I didn't sleep around on her while she was pregnant, in the hospital, near death...jesus christ people!

Yes, drinking is a HUGE problem and I'm already working on correcting that. I switched to non alcoholic beer at parties and such and it's working out well. It was like when I was quitting smoking, you have something in hand and it replaces the muscle memory. Booze contributed to this greatly and its not happening again.

I wont tell my wife, mainly because it was a stupid mistake caused by drinking. It's never going to happen again, because I know the sorta **** that can come from it. I'm sorry that most of you were hurt by serial cheaters, but christ people give me the benefit of the doubt here! I'm drowning out that voice that said "I cheated" with "be the best husband you can be", and you know what? It's working out great, it's no longer...me me me it's now we we we. I'm going to give this relationship a more serious try, and in the back of my head this incident of what happened will remind me of what rock bottom was, and tell me turning to another isn't the answer.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

What made you realize this in a 24 hour time frame?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Dalebot said:


> First off...
> 
> I did get an STD test BEFORE I had sex with my wife again. Thankfully she's so good at keeping her legs closed it wasn't an issue. I came back clean.
> 
> ...


Good luck but you did ask us and now your mad at us because most of don't think its the right way to go by not telling your wife? Excuse you for asking. Did you read the rules before you came in here?


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## Dalebot (May 13, 2012)

1, 2, 24 hours, doesn't matter how long to put things into perspective.

I ****ed up, I know it, I'm going to move on, and learn from it. 

Case closed.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I guess I'm asking what resolved your ambivalence?

Personally I struggle with this. Before I discovered my husbands cheating, we had issues but I was happy. We live a pretty charmed life. After I found out, it was horrible. But because I knew about it, I was able to make a choice. I chose to stay as long as he gets help. The choice is empowering. You are robbing her of that choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> How about I am a realisit!! My wife and I both cheated on each other tons in college with her stopping about 6 months before I did.
> 
> I still remember during marriage counseling we both drank a little too much and had a heart to heart asking each other who were all the people we slept with.
> 
> ...


You told each other, you came clean.

In marriage counselling where you presumably went to deal with problems.

I am a realist too. I have seen many marriages where someone lied, and then years later couldn't stand the duplicity any more. The truth came out, except it was much harder to sort our because of elapsed time.

Sorry, I disagree with you. And it isn't some wide eyed idealism, it is terribly practical.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Dalebot said:


> First off...
> 
> I did get an STD test BEFORE I had sex with my wife again. Thankfully she's so good at keeping her legs closed it wasn't an issue. I came back clean.
> 
> ...


Sorry Dalebot, but bullsh1t.

I am not sort psycho victim of a serial cheater. I am a man whose wife had a six month affair and lied about it. And it is the lies that did the most damage long term. My wife used the same rationale as you and it didn't work.

I am not grading you as more or less decent than others. You cheated and you are about to be a liar as well as a cheat. These are not relative value judgements of you vs other cheaters. They are objective facts. There is no benefit of the doubt to give you. You admit you cheated and you admit you intend to lie. The prosecution rests.

I'm glad you are sure it won't happen again. But I bet you never thought it would happen once.

Glad the marriage is working out great with your wife who is "so good at keeping her legs closed". And my idea of a successful marriage is more than "a more serious try".

Are you sure you are not just to scared to tell her? When you lie in bed at night, does it bug you? We know it does because there is a voice there you have to drown out. And I bet you will find you can't.

Are you thinking about her needs or yours?


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

You are just trying to justify being a doormat


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Dalebot;5805506No I didn't sleep with her sister said:


> Oh well, that it makes it all right then...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Wazza said:


> You told each other, you came clean.
> 
> In marriage counselling where you presumably went to deal with problems.
> 
> ...


Marriage counseling was a mandatory church driven event and a really challenging experience including a personality test and all.

The confession was a curiosity get drunk spur of the moment what if and never brought up in marriage counseling. My point was I still remember that day!! I can still get mad thinking about it, so how is that a good experience in my life? It is not and I would have been happier not knowing or being blissfully ignorant.

That's the issue people don't want to feel like they "got played or lied to" even if there life will royally suck if they find out they were.

Principle vs Reality  we just agree to disagree


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Marriage counseling was a mandatory church driven event and a really challenging experience including a personality test and all.
> 
> The confession was a curiosity get drunk spur of the moment what if and never brought up in marriage counseling. My point was I still remember that day!! I can still get mad thinking about it, so how is that a good experience in my life? It is not and I would have been happier not knowing or being blissfully ignorant.
> 
> ...


Well if you did not describe it as principle vs reality, I could like your post. 

There is no perfect reality. Each choice has pluses and minuses. I have no doubt which I would prefer. You make a different choice.

Note my reply to Dalebot. My wife tried what he is proposing to do and it caused all sorts of problems.

You could have chosen not to cheat you know. I did, and not for want of opportunity.

I guess the fact that both of you cheated makes a difference. It levels the playing field.

The problem here is that different people choose different things, Dalebot is going to make the choice. His wife does not get a say. And if years from now she finds out, when it is too late to throw him out and raise a family with someone else, she may be very bitter.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Sorry, but I don't believe everyone who cheats will be a serial cheater.
> 
> I don't know this man's story in detail, but if he feels like he's stuck on a hamster wheel then maybe it will happen again.
> 
> ...


Daisy you may be right for some, who realize the horror of what they did and are actually so offended by their own behavior that they won't do it again.

But for MOST people, getting away with it simply emboldens the behavior. Cheating a second time is far easier on the soul than it is the first time, because each time you do it, your conscience is seared more and more until you can't feel remorse, and may actually be able to justify your actions.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Marriage counseling was a mandatory church driven event and a really challenging experience including a personality test and all.
> 
> The confession was a curiosity get drunk spur of the moment what if and never brought up in marriage counseling. My point was I still remember that day!! I can still get mad thinking about it, so how is that a good experience in my life? It is not and I would have been happier not knowing or being blissfully ignorant.
> 
> ...


Sorry, OhGeesh and Dalebot. The issue isn't Principle vs. Reality. It's Reality (you cheated) vs. Illusion (I'll keep my SO from knowing the reality). Ain't no principle involved.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Lostviking and others told you many months ago that this would be a mistake. D your wife and then do it. The pathetic part is that you thought about this for months. It was not a haphazard event. I get it that you are in a sucky marriage and as you describe your wife she is a doozy. You say in some posts that you love your wife. 

Divorse is the way you have gone before you cheated. IMO, if you want to stay in this marriage I would confess and suffer the blow out.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

Just sweep the cheating under the rug and be the best husband you can be for the rest of your days. Obviously, this is the only honorable course. You will never succumb to temptation again because you are clearly an entirely different person now. What your wife doesn't know won't hurt her, and even better, YOU won't have to face any consequences for the choices you made!! 

Of course, everything I've said above are the words of a very selfish and delusional person. But it seems to be what speaks to you, Dalebot, so I thought I would just parrot it. Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude. It's clear you've made your decision and nothing anyone says here will change it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

ASummersDay said:


> Just sweep the cheating under the rug and be the best husband you can be for the rest of your days. Obviously, this is the only honorable course. You will never succumb to temptation again because you are clearly an entirely different person now. What your wife doesn't know won't hurt her, and even better, YOU won't have to face any consequences for the choices you made!!
> 
> Of course, everything I've said above are the words of a very selfish and delusional person. But it seems to be what speaks to you, Dalebot, so I thought I would just parrot it. Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude. It's clear you've made your decision and nothing anyone says here will change it.


Or until the AP chimes in or someone exposes it. Funny how cheaters think they have all their bases covered. "we have decided to keep it between us", or "no one will ever know", really. I mean really really.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Or until the AP chimes in or someone exposes it. Funny how cheaters think they have all their bases covered. "we have decided to keep it between us", or "no one will ever know", really. I mean really really.


Yes, it's rather cliche now... Even the secret services can't keep their infidelities a secret... 

Good luck with that!


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

what is considered the proper "not blowing it out of proportion" way to deal with a cheating spouse

to me, blowing it out of proportion would be to sneak into bed at night and cut off your donger...but demanding you leave and divorcing you WOULD NOT be blowing it out of proportion, THAT would be the most sensible way to handle it...anything less, like trying to forgive you, work it out, reconcile, THAT my friend is a gift...

I am torn on this...you had a one nighter, as long as you never see this slvt again and work to never do this again, I see telling your wife partially as passing on YOUR dumb ass burden to HER...very selfish...you need to look deep withon yourself...if this never happened before and you are sure it wont happen agian, then live with it and dont hurt her

however, if this is typical behavior from you, or if you have feelings for the slvt, or might do it again, then your wife deserves to know who and what she is married to so she can do whats best for her...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

missthelove2013 said:


> what is considered the proper "not blowing it out of proportion" way to deal with a cheating spouse
> 
> to me, blowing it out of proportion would be to sneak into bed at night and cut off your donger...but demanding you leave and divorcing you WOULD NOT be blowing it out of proportion, THAT would be the most sensible way to handle it...anything less, like trying to forgive you, work it out, reconcile, THAT my friend is a gift...
> 
> ...


The one big issue I have is that he basically planned this for months. This was not a haphazard, ONS, he has been thinking about it for months.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> The one big issue I have is that he basically planned this for months. This was not a haphazard, ONS, he has been thinking about it for months.


Then he should tell her...NOT to alleviate his guilt, but so that she knows whom and what she is married to and can act accordingly...:smthumbup::smthumbup:

people who can actually R are very special people...it takes a lot...I could probably forgive a ons...but something planned and deviously maintained can NOT be forgiven


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Late to the thread. First and foremost: cut off all contact with the OW...if you want to stay married.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Do your wife a favor and tell her what you did so she can "overreact" and dump your ass for a decent guy. Yuck.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Dalebot said:


> So now, in the back of my head when I have a close moment with my wife this voice in the back of my head says "I cheated" yet, I'm not sure if telling her would be a wise choice.



But of course you don't 




> Right off the bat, she would go psychotic. She has a tendency to blow things out of proportion.


You slept with another woman. Tell us, how would she blow that out of proportion?





> I know she would never forgive me, and would constantly bring it up, like she does with both things. She would also take my family (my two dogs) away from me.


She can't take your family from you. She can only divorce you and both of you come to a parenting agreement. If that means you become an ever other weekend dad, so be it. That is not taking the kids from you. Your family as a whole? That's on you, not her.




> I do love my wife


If you did, you wouldn't have ###### another woman.




> So is it worth it to blow it all away, or keep it silent, and pay for it and be the best I possibly can be to her?


I think you know that you aren't going to tell her no matter how much we would tell you that holding a lie in, and being untruthful in a marriage is not good.

So you will have to just do what you are going to do anyway. Keep the truth from her, deal with it, and live with the fact that you are a cheater and are continuously lying to her.

Having said that, if you don't tell her, then at least you should do one thing right by her. NEVER EVER make her think that if there is a problem in your marriage that she is the problem. Because that would be another lie.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Dalebot said:


> I wont tell my wife, mainly because it was a stupid mistake caused by drinking.


Wrong. Drinking didn't cause you to cheat. It just allowed you to do what was in your character to begin with.

Blaming it on alcohol? Really?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Dalebot said:


> 1, 2, 24 hours, doesn't matter how long to put things into perspective.
> 
> I ****ed up, I know it, I'm going to move on, and learn from it.
> 
> Case closed.


Alrighty then. So does this mean partying is over? Going out drinking is over?

If not, then you didn't learn a damn thing. You now stop those behaviors and stay your ass home and be a husband.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What chance is there that your wife will find out from another source?

Was there anyone else there who saw the way you and the OW were interacting?

The OW could decide that she wants to tell your wife. This is always a possibility.

Did you get an STD test? If you have an STD you have to tell your wife.

The OW could be pregnant.. it does happen.

Your wife could find your posts on this forum.

There are so many ways she can find out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

First:



Dalebot said:


> So is it worth it to blow it all away, or keep it silent, and pay for it and be the best I possibly can be to her?


Then:



Dalebot said:


> I wont tell my wife, mainly because it was a stupid mistake caused by drinking.


And eventually: 



Dalebot said:


> 1, 2, 24 hours, doesn't matter how long to put things into perspective.
> 
> I ****ed up, I know it, I'm going to move on, and learn from it.
> 
> *Case closed.*


Glad we could help. 

I hate when there is no point to a thread.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I think Dalebot and RemorsefulStrayer should go bowling.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Dalebot said:


> I love how there are nearly 3 pages of people telling me I'm the lowest form of life on earth. I read around the internet and this board and to be honest I think I'm pretty decent compared to most of the cheaters around here. No I didn't sleep with her sister, no I didn't sleep with anyone she was close to, no I didn't sleep around on her while she was pregnant, in the hospital, near death...jesus christ people!


Yes- compared to a serial killer or terrorist you are an upstanding citizen.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

You know what disgusts me the most, OP? You say you've been here before, read all of the suffering and trauma that cheating creates - watched families come apart, children lose the security of their home life, even suicides here.

And you STILL think you deserved an ATTA-BOY for putting your d*ck in someone else behind your wife's back.

Rationalize all you want. Pat yourself on the back until your arm falls off. You're still a cheater.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The idea that confession is necessarily the best course of action is tricky. Change the trangression to something else, say embezzlement. If you confess to stealing from your employer, you get fired and possibly go to jail. Maybe you put the money back or maybe you give it to charity.

If someone committed rape or murder, there is a lot to say for confession. But if one committed murder and would face the death penalty, should one confess then?

Dalebot may or may not be giving an accurate portrait of his wife. It would be interesting if instead of running away from TAM, he stayed and updated us on how he is making himself and his marriage better.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Dalebot said:


> First off...
> 
> I did get an STD test BEFORE I had sex with my wife again. Thankfully she's so good at keeping her legs closed it wasn't an issue. I came back clean.
> 
> ...


Three things I see from your post here, OP, if it matters:

1) You are deeply cynical about your wife due to lack of sex. That's why I don't believe you suddenly feel it so imperative to become a Super Husband to a woman you are actually bitter about. The only thing your feelings about your wife are going to inspire in you is justification to cheat again.

2) Drinking did not cause infidelity. Say it with me: "DRINKING IS NOT AN EXCUSE." Infidelity is caused by poor character, an entitled attitude, and a lack of boundaries. Drinking probably did give you the courage you needed, but you need to own what you did. You selected an AP, you cultivated attraction on both sides. The booze was only the catalyst to help you do what you planned to do all along. It's all you, pal.

3) The excuse making and your immediate over-reaction to being called out shows you are rationalizing your affair, not seeking to repair the damage from it. You WILL do this again, IMO, because you take no responsibility for it and you are way too defensive about it.

And yes, compared to Hannibal Lecter, you're a swell guy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> I do'nt use the term lover, it just gives the affair credibility.
> 
> Why on earth would you want to help a cheater romanticize their nonsense relationship by calling an interloper a lover? You are just feeding the fantasy.
> 
> I only use interloper, predator, or at best infidelity partner.


I'll think you'll have a better, more profitable time here if you quit trying to tell other people what to say and how to say it. 

And if you claim that I want to help a cheater romanticise their nonsense, then that is tripe.

Don't try to start pointless flame wars on TAM by putting words into other people's mouths. It's not cool. This is a valuable resource for helping people cope with relationship problems, not a place for "fun" flame wars.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

This thread is dead, as the OP left the building but I think his initial post is a good example on how men who cheat rationalize their ways. 
I read his initial post again, and I felt eeriness, if it wasn't because my ex and I have been separated for quite a while, I would have believe my ex was the OP.
Same mentality.
So OP, thank you for posting this because I have been feeling sentimental lately. I have began to forget the bad and only focusing on the great times. 
But I should never forget the bad.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Philat said:


> Sorry, OhGeesh and Dalebot. The issue isn't Principle vs. Reality. It's Reality (you cheated) vs. Illusion (I'll keep my SO from knowing the reality). Ain't no principle involved.


Whatever.........  

Regardless of what you say or anyone else the FACT FACT FACT is a spouse's life will be infinitely better NOT KNOWING ABOUT A ONE NIGHT STAND THEN KNOWING in a scenario like the OP's. 

There is no argument you can provide that proves otherswise ....without adding to the information he has provided. Going strictly off what he has shared there is no better option for ALL involved other then to shuttup, squash it, and move on.

You can split hairs after that all day long, but the REALITY IS, her life and his life are better if he keeps quiet.

I'm sure you or others will say what if she finds out, what if you really have aids, what if the OW comes forward, what if, what if, what if you do not know if the what if's will happen.

While you do KNOW 100% if he speaks everything goes in the toilet IMMEDIATELY.

For the 100th time his/her REALITY is better with this remaining in the closet.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I so disagree. It's true that I was happier not knowing I was cheated on. However, my husband was always criticizing me and he was often angry at me for small reasons. I couldn't understand what I did wrong. Now I understand that he had to be mad at me to justify his cheating.

You don't understand how relieved I was to know it's all his problem and not mine at all.

If the op is unhappy with himself and takes it out on her, then I think it's better she knows it's his fault, not hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Whatever.........
> 
> Regardless of what you say or anyone else the FACT FACT FACT is a spouse's life will be infinitely better NOT KNOWING ABOUT A ONE NIGHT STAND THEN KNOWING in a scenario like the OP's.
> 
> ...


Oh Geesh the FACT is I have seen people do what Dalebot proposes and it turns out badly. I have read research on how guilt impacts people. I have seen on my own marriage and those of friends how secrets can create walls.

These are facts regardless of whether you want to accept them.

I understand the logic of your original argument, and I agree that at times it might work out as the lesser evil. But there are other times when it will lead directly to disaster.

In the absence of knowing which way is the lesser evil, I will lead on the side of morality and empowering the injured party to make their decision in possession of all the facts. I understand this could lead to a cheater allaying their guilt at the partner's expense. There is no right answer.

I respect your right to make a different decision, but not your unwillingness to see how it might turn out to be the wrong course.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Whatever.........
> 
> Regardless of what you say or anyone else the FACT FACT FACT is a spouse's life will be infinitely better NOT KNOWING ABOUT A ONE NIGHT STAND THEN KNOWING in a scenario like the OP's.
> 
> ...


A ONS can still carry with it a surprise STD or pregnancy, or even a psychotic OM or OW who doesn't go away. It still can be exposed from the other side if the AP's spouse finds out. 

And the simple fact of the matter is, once you do it, it's only going to embolden you to do it again. You stole a piece of candy and didn't have to come clean about it.

Are you saying ONS's are in any way excusable? Or that the cheater doesn't have some really serious issues to work out that led to it?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

looking for clarity said:


> I so disagree. It's true that I was happier not knowing I was cheated on. However, my husband was always criticizing me and he was often angry at me for small reasons. I couldn't understand what I did wrong. Now I understand that he had to be mad at me to justify his cheating.
> 
> You don't understand how relieved I was to know it's all his problem and not mine at all.
> 
> ...


This.

What often happens is the WS cheats once. They feel (a little or a lot) guilty about it. They don't confess - to "protect" the BS from the truth  - so there are no real consequences. They get away with it. But to relieve that pesky lingering guilt, they start to rationalize their actions. In their mind, the BS should have done this or that, or not done this other thing, should have said or not said such and such, should be willing to try this or give up that, or agree to whatever. The marriage becomes about what the BS "ought" to have done differently so that the WS wouldn't have "had to" cheat on them. The WS needs the BS to be the controlling, difficult, crazy, jealous, mean, lazy, so-and-so. So that cheating on them is kind of okay. So that the WS _deserved_ the little bit of happiness the AP brought into their lives. 

The BS becomes the bad guy in the WS's mind. And somewhere along the way, the WS starts to really truly believe the rationalizations. The lie is repeated - both in the WS's mind, and maybe even out loud to other people - until it becomes their truth. The WS starts to interact with their BS as if the BS were the problem, the one with issues, the bad partner, the one who deserves to be cheated on. And it's all happening without the BS being able to figure out why their spouse seems so angry with them all the time. What they are doing wrong that's causing the problems. Why they can't seem to figure out an effective way to fix it or themselves so that the problems in their marriage will be resolved. Why it feels like no matter what, the goal posts just keep moving. 

And all along the truth is that the goal posts _have to _keep moving. The WS _needs_ the BS to be at fault and will keep creating scenarios that reinforce the BS as the bad guy mindset. All to feed the rationalization hamster that's running on that little wheel in their mind. 

The truth is, you cannot have a happy marriage in which one partner is fully convinced that the other is a terrible person, deserving of neither consideration nor respect. _Whether or not _that is objectively the case, or only a figment of one spouse's rationalizations.


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## 60+ (Nov 18, 2013)

What a vitriolic outpouring! And everyone so judgemental! The guy initially said he was drunk; made a terrible mistake; and asked for advice as to whether he should tell his wife or not.
When she eventually finds out (and she will) she will feel he has been keeping a secret from her. The longer he keeps the secret, the worse the shock.
Tell her. There will be anger, hurt, tears, shock, back to anger again. this will last a long time. But don't keep the secret. The relationship will change but forgiveness will come - if he does it right.
The delusion is to believe that there is somebody better out there. There usually isn't. Work on it guy! And my very best wishes.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

60+ said:


> What a vitriolic outpouring! And everyone so judgemental!


Uhhh, OK. Sometimes judgement is righteous - for example in a case like this. Should we be heaping praise on this guy?

His actions were and continue to be deplorable. He needs to understand that, and he clearly doesn't. Hence the reaction of people here.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> I think his initial post is a good example on how *WS* who cheat rationalize their ways.


There i fixed it for you!  This is not an attitude or rationalization that is exclusive to men. Women behave and act the same way when they need justification for their bad decisions and choices. 

For those that are somewhat excusing this infidelity, notice I said choices and decisions and NOT mistakes! It was in no way a mistake. One doesn't get drunk and "accidentally" fall into sex with someone else. Conscious decisions and choices are made to carry out the act (and this OP has planned and thought about it for some time) so it was not and will never be a MISTAKE (and I hate when people want to call it nothing more than that, as a mistake is when something bad happened even though the best of intentions were the initial intent behind the action, this had none of that happening)!!!


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> There i fixed it for you!  This is not an attitude or rationalization that is exclusive to men. Women behave and act the same way when they need justification for their bad decisions and choices.
> 
> For those that are somewhat excusing this infidelity, notice I said choices and decisions and NOT mistakes! It was in no way a mistake. One doesn't get drunk and "accidentally" fall into sex with someone else. Conscious decisions and choices are made to carry out the act (and this OP has planned and thought about it for some time) so it was not and will never be a MISTAKE (and I hate when people want to call it nothing more than that, as a mistake is when something bad happened even though the best of intentions were the initial intent behind the action, this had none of that happening)!!!


:iagree: thank you


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

60+ said:


> What a vitriolic outpouring! And everyone so judgemental! The guy initially said he was drunk; made a terrible mistake; and asked for advice as to whether he should tell his wife or not.
> When she eventually finds out (and she will) she will feel he has been keeping a secret from her. The longer he keeps the secret, the worse the shock.
> Tell her. There will be anger, hurt, tears, shock, back to anger again. this will last a long time. But don't keep the secret. The relationship will change but forgiveness will come - if he does it right.
> The delusion is to believe that there is somebody better out there. There usually isn't. Work on it guy! And my very best wishes.


How do you know she will find out? Stop personalizing it  in everything in life there is a risk and reward.

I fail to see how the reward is greater if he confesses? How is their marriage better? 

IT WON"T BE!!


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

looking for clarity said:


> I so disagree. It's true that I was happier not knowing I was cheated on. However, my husband was always criticizing me and he was often angry at me for small reasons. I couldn't understand what I did wrong. Now I understand that he had to be mad at me to justify his cheating.
> 
> You don't understand how relieved I was to know it's all his problem and not mine at all.
> 
> ...


Exactly you are adding to the story. Your husband had a poor response to his guilt and took it out on you. Take that piece away and imagine you marriage is the same as it always was.

You just happen to find out he had a ONS 3 years ago everything would immediately go in the toilet!! 

You are adding to his story he didn't say he treats his wife any different then ever.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

InlandTXMM said:


> A ONS can still carry with it a surprise STD or pregnancy, or even a psychotic OM or OW who doesn't go away. It still can be exposed from the other side if the AP's spouse finds out.
> 
> And the simple fact of the matter is, once you do it, it's only going to embolden you to do it again. You stole a piece of candy and didn't have to come clean about it.
> 
> Are you saying ONS's are in any way excusable? Or that the cheater doesn't have some really serious issues to work out that led to it?


Again you are adding to the story like everyone who attempts to justify confession. And no I'm not excusing it at all!! That doesn't change the fact that confession in his scenario is a guaranteed train wreck!


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

To tell or not to tell. I don't know the answer. I do know that I would want to know. And that the conscious deceit would be a huge problem when I found out. As I would expect it to be with anyone I respected enough to want to be with. Also, OP, who is probably a decent enough guy, has a series of prior threads walking through his journey to this ONS. So it doesn't seem to me like a drunken mistake.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Wazza said:


> Oh Geesh the FACT is I have seen people do what Dalebot proposes and it turns out badly. I have read research on how guilt impacts people. I have seen on my own marriage and those of friends how secrets can create walls.
> 
> These are facts regardless of whether you want to accept them.
> 
> ...


I'll agree with that!


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> How do you know she will find out? Stop personalizing it  in everything in life there is a risk and reward.
> 
> I fail to see how the reward is greater if he confesses? How is their marriage better?
> 
> IT WON"T BE!!


There shouldn't be a "reward". For either of them. He certainly doesn't deserve an easy road for doing what he's done. Covering it up, so that he has his cake and eats it too, is giving HIM the reward for bad behavior.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Again you are adding to the story like everyone who attempts to justify confession. And no I'm not excusing it at all!! That doesn't change the fact that confession in his scenario is a guaranteed train wreck!


How is a spouse learning the truth about a person they think they know and trust, a train wreck? Yes it will complicate the marriage, to say the least.

But it will be HIS ACTIONS that cause the complication, not her discovery of it. It is the affair itself that did the damage, not coming clean about it. 

Using your logic, we should never investigate wrong-doing that is covered up, because, you know, the scandal would be a train wreck. How about the train wreck this man did to his own family already? Is that to be glossed over simply because he might have to face really hard times as a result?

Would you honestly say you'd prefer your spouse to never come clean on a ONS? Especially one like this, where the WS is actually pretty hostile toward you (the BS), and does not take responsibility for what he did (it was the alcohol)?

He needs to tell his wife, if for no other reason that he can't keep shifting responsibility away from himself for what he did. The excuse-making is really worrisome to me about this OP. This is the mindset of a person who WILL cheat again.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I guess my trouble with Oh Geesh'e approach is..I get what he is saying about the fall out. But I think as the BS you do pick up on subtle changes in the relationship. You just don't know what to atteibute them to.

And I can't for the life of me see how you can build a successful relatiionship on lies. I mean, it you know you are lying, doesn't it feel like a sham? What's the point?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

By the way, OP, I like the boots. I am a Lange guy myself 
(130 flex as my competition days are past and I am down about 30 lbs since then) and even though they are much different if I were to try to ski something else it would be those with a fit from my local rep and guru.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

How many stories do we have here of people confessing to infidelity instead of getting caught? Only tears comes to mind.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Wazza said:


> I guess my trouble with Oh Geesh'e approach is..I get what he is saying about the fall out. But I think as the BS you do pick up on subtle changes in the relationship. You just don't know what to atteibute them to.
> 
> And I can't for the life of me see how you can build a successful relatiionship on lies. I mean, it you know you are lying, doesn't it feel like a sham? *What's the point?*


Expedience and keeping the WS's discomfort to a minimum.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Philat said:


> Expedience and keeping the WS's discomfort to a minimum.


Exactly. QFT


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

60+ said:


> What a vitriolic outpouring! And everyone so judgemental! The guy initially said he was drunk


Sorry, not an excuse




> made a terrible mistake


Accidentally turning the wrong way down a one way street is a mistake. He wanted to cheat, and alcohol just helped lower his inhibitions to do what he deep down wanted to do. Not a mistake.




> and asked for advice as to whether he should tell his wife or not.


Yes, and assuming the worst about his wife that she would somehow take his sex with another woman and blow it out of proportion somehow.

And he knew he wasn't going to tell her before he even asked the questions. He just wanted validation for his thinking.

And he has already told us, he isn't going to tell her. So he got away with it, for now, and he can figure he'll get away with it later since there will be no consequences for this betrayal.

And his unsuspecting wife is married to and living with a man she doesn't know. He is a stranger to her, she just doesn't know it.


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

Examine your reasons for wanting to confess. If its to make yourself feel better....then shut up. Guilt is your punishment.


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