# Troubled Tean through divorce



## lonely_wife (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi,

I'm currently going through a divorce from my husband - it started off amicable until I started dating - he then turned nasty (even though he moved in with a new gf after 6weeks and is getting married when our divorce is done)

I took my daughter away to discuss if she would be OK with us being apart and she encouraged it as she knew I had never been happy. She is currently 14 and we have always lived as a family.

Things started great - my ex was spoiling her financially and I was doing my usual girly things with her, then he started slagging me off and telling her to call me names - she totally lost respect for me due to what he was saying about mt. He also made her feel sorry for him but she saw me enjoyong being single. He used to spend £1000 a time on her whereas I was broke so did things like cinema nights, dvd's ect.

Things got out of control as if I punished her (grounding, taking mobile away, etc) he would tell her to swear at me and go out, he even got her a new phone on contract. So basiacally I was unable to set any ground rules as then I was just the "evil *****" and daddy would come to the rescue.

She moved in with him (well his 70 year old parents as she does not get on with his step-daughters) she was allowed to go where she wanted, with who she wanted until when she wanted. She did drugs, alcohol and slept with boys - no one did anything and I had no say as she would not live with me if I imposed rules. We had several arguments as she stole a ring and her dad pawned it and she cut up my clothes. She eventually tried to kill herself with 1l of vodka and was in hospital - her dad came to visit for a few hours and just slagged me off the whole time!!

She was assessed by mental health people and they said she was fine so she moved back in with me and we had a social worker doing councilling for both of us - but we got on great as he wasn't interferring anymore.

He then didn't speak to her much or come to see her but when he did she would change for a few days and the name calling, ect started again. Well I have basiavlly been letting her do as she pleases (within reason) for the last 4 months as each time I say "no" she moves in with his parents again.

We have had about 2 "fights" where she gets a slap and I end up with scratch or bite marks and she moves out. 

I don't know what to do as if I try and set any boundaries she just moves out and then does what she wants but no one knows. We have got a good relationship wherby she tells me everything (not sure if it would be better not to know) Our latest argument is because she wants to sleep over a male friends house (who is 19) and I said no.

The only way I could enforce any rules is to quit my job and never go anywhere (as punishment to me she refuses to stay with my parents if I go out and will not move out of the house)

My other option is to continue as I have been and let her do as she pleases - I have explained the mistakes she is making and she has got her screwed on with regards to drugs and pregnancy (which were my main concerns)

I do not like what she has turned into but she has always acted way above her age so I just wondered if anyone else a child like this?

Oh and most days she is still the funloving, happy, loving girl she has always been so I know hormones have a lot to do with the problems.

My mom was very strict so as soon as I was 16 I rebelled by moving out, doing everything I was never allowed and getting pregnant. I'm hoping by letting her "get it out of her system" now she will not have the mistakes I did


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

just keep being teh mother you always have been, when she gets older she will realize you were doing it in her best interest.

Take the high road, I have seen women act like your ex as well, such a shame when people use their kids as pawns.

Just be a good mother say nothing bad about your ex and she will figure out in due time that you did what you had to do.

Also you are not your mother, you are you, your lives are drastically different and so is society. Just do the best you can and know that you did.


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