# Mansplaining. I laugh. Have you experienced this?



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)




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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

As I've always said, once she starts woman understanding I'll stop mansplaining. Simple.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

What do you know, NS? Your avatar is wearing red shoes!!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> What do you know, NS? Your avatar is wearing red shoes!!


It's ALWAYS wearing red shoes. Does it mean I always want to get f'ed? (Notice GET f'ed not f.) No. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> It's ALWAYS wearing red shoes. Does it mean I always want to get f'ed? (Notice GET f'ed not f.) No. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.


As long as you don't play patty-cake.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think Ricky Ricardo originally came up with the term. It evolved from Lucy-splaining.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

In a very long discussion with my DD#2 this diagram came up. Which also lead to some more serious research about what the term means. I've got a fair handle on it now and this diagram has nothing to do with "mansplaining" This diagram simply points out that men need permission to speak. I do hope I've splained this to you thoroughly. Also if you think I needed permission to say this, have The mods delete this post.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Let me tell you, the flowchart is poorly made. For example, binary decisions are normally represented with a diamond. Just sayin'.

Just teasing :smile2: 0


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The term “mansplain” has gotten a good deal of press — including*from me. I first saw the term in Dr. Erin Reeve’s*study*entitled “Mansplaining, Manterrupting & Bropropriating: Gender Bias and the Pervasive Interruption of Women.” She defines “mansplaining” as “a man interrupting a woman to explain to her something she actually knows more about than he does.” In other words, a man “talking down” to a woman because he presumes he knows more. (If you need an illustration, view Jimmy Kimmel’s*spoof*of mansplaining to a well-known woman.)


A male friend recently suggested that “it goes both ways.” He is widowed and has taken over lots of tasks his wife used to handle. In domestic matters, he finds, women assume he is helpless. He was responsible for hosting an event last month and experienced “womensplaining.” A woman friend insisted on going with him to the grocery store, repeatedly offered to come early to set up things, and told him things that were rather obvious — for example, that he needed a table cloth!

By Caroline Turner


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think there is a much simpler flow chart:

would you explain the same way under the same circumstances to a man:

YES: not mansplaining

NO: mansplaining.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

uhtred said:


> I think there is a much simpler flow chart:
> 
> would you explain the same way under the same circumstances to a man:
> 
> ...


Excellent

And it's about intent. Just because a woman took offense doesnt mean you were offensive.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

The only time i got accused of mansplaining was when a woman told me she had been saving her old doxycycline for the last several years, just in case she needs antibiotics again someday. I told her its not a good idea to do so, since doxy can break down into compounds that can cause renal failure. Not that it will in every case, but why risk it? Without testing it, you won't know if its still good.


She told me she didn't need me to mansplain how to use antibiotics. I told her, "no problem. Its your kidneys, not mine."


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Ladies, men talk the same way to each other. They talk over each other, thinking that their opinion and experience is more substantial than the other man's. Don't take it so personally. Sorry I had to mansplain that to you, as I'm sure you already knew.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Nah, I don't mansplain. I simply use smaller words and speak a little slower, so the women I speak with can actually keep up with what I'm saying. Its a little different than mansplaining.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Dude, you got me in trouble with that one. I laughed out loud, then read it to my wife, and now she is demanding a foot rub. Thanks a lot!

Smaller words and speak a little slower. HaHaHa!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Ladies, men talk the same way to each other. They talk over each other, thinking that their opinion and experience is more substantial than the other man's. Don't take it so personally. Sorry I had to mansplain that to you, as I'm sure you already knew.


You know, this is it. I get it now!!

There was a dating book I read that said exactly this. And then when you stand back and watch men interact, it’s totally true. Men are not insulted when other men are condescending, arrogant, or boisterous to the point of trying to talk over you. They simply think that guy is a jerk later but they can interact with him just fine. Or they just get louder themselves. Or they politely let the loud ones make fools of themselves while they remain collected and unfazed. They all have their ways of dealing with when they mansplain to each other.

Sorry I still have to use the word because I just think it’s funny. Womansplaining is fine too or better, Lucy-splaining. 

Anyway eureka! I see the light!

Mars Venus books also explain these mysterious ways to women (and men) but I had forgotten some of these jewels.

Ladies I think the only response to most mansplaining should be some kind of response another man would make. Could be walk away, could be get louder, could be stand there collected, duck and weave. Or other ways, I’m sure men can share some with us. Point being that it really isn’t gender specific most of the time. They are like that to everyone. 

I’m sure there are legit condescending to females to a great degree guys out there. I don’t think many of those actual ones are here. So I imagine some women here do deal with direct gender specific talking down to, and I don’t mean to imply that isn’t happening. I just had a little light bulb moment about many things that seem like mansplaining but are just, man speak.

I don’t know how a man should react to a woman splainer. I know my adult son had to put the mom brakes on me at some point and change the way I spoke to him. He did it by saying his issue directly to me and then I worked on it and now it’s gone. I think Lucy-splaining is also kind of the same as mom splaining. I didn’t realize I was still talking to him as if he was 15 when he was 19, but when he pointed it out to me I definitely was.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> You know, this is it. I get it now!!
> 
> There was a dating book I read that said exactly this. And then when you stand back and watch men interact, it’s totally true. Men are not insulted when other men are condescending, arrogant, or boisterous to the point of trying to talk over you.


I have not experienced this at work.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Eh, i work with one of the only females on the planet who can do my job. She holds the same position, for another team.

I have a hell of a lot more tactical experience than she does, and she has a hell of a lot more administrative and strategic experience than i do. 

She has been helping me with all the administrative stuff i never learned and i have been teaching her the tactical stuff. Its not that she is not a capable soldier... she has already led men in combat zones and brought them all home, more than once. She just wants to know more.

She just wants to know what i have learned. She wants to be able to teach it to HER team. And i want to be able to teach my team all this administrative stuff that i never learned because i have never been in a strategic unit. Isn't that what an NCO should do?

She is the only female that has ever been able to do this job long term. I hate to sound misogynistic here, but she is and isn't a freak of nature... she is not really that different than any other female i have met, She just possesses a conviction that i rarely see in females in the military. Very, very few females even believe that they can even do what she does every day, let alone actually go through what she has gone through to get where she is.

From the above, you can probably guess my views on mansplaining. To me, it is little more than a cheap copout most of the time. A good way to throw your opponent off balance, using societal views and pressures. 

I don't think she would ever accuse anyone of mansplaining. If someone were trying to "mansplain" something to her, she would probably just crush them on the spot and laugh about it later. 

I hope she can teach her mindset to others. She is the rare female that has earned the respect of special forces operators.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > You know, this is it. I get it now!!
> ...


I see men talking like this to each other at work all the time. Also in other places. Not saying all the time or all of them, but lots of times and lots of them. They don’t get bothered by it. It’s just all banter to them.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I see men talking like this to each other at work all the time. Also in other places. Not saying all the time or all of them, but lots of times and lots of them. They don’t get bothered by it. It’s just all banter to them.


I work with a whole bunch of soldiers, most of them special forces operators. 

We all do exactly as you say. Its all banter, and its fun.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> I have not experienced this at work.


Which part?

In my experiences, this is a two way street. One of my best friends is a girl, and she is famous for being a bit condescending to men. I tend to be a comeback king as well as a man who calls out women on their faults in a joking manner, yet laced with truths. So we obviously get along famously! Some of the battles we have had over the years lmao :grin2 We've had moments of not speaking to each other for days at a time haha. I love her like a sister though. She is a good person, but boy can we get under each other's skin sometimes. 

There's a lot of guys who cant stand her. Think she is third wave psycho feminist. But she's not. There's some girls who cant stand me, they think I can be a MGTOW type chauvinist, but I'm not. Despite our battles, we come to each other for advice. "Wtf is up with you men?" And "you women are all the damn same!" Are common conversation starters. In our times of need, we calmly and politely give each other a different perspective that is needed to help each other reach a place of understanding and growth. 

I know what you ladies slightly familiar with my posts are thinking... "TheDude is a MGTOW chauvinist? No way!" *said with heavy sarcasm*. But then if you dig a little deeper, and are very familiar with my posts, you will realize "TheDude isn't a woman hating MGTOW, he's just a guy who doesn't pull his punches at all, and can really come across as an ******* of a man sometimes." which is quite true. I tend to lean towards a more spritited debate than a casual one. Of course, I suck at pulling punches. Its not in me. The good thing about TAM is most of you ladies punch right back, just as hard. Which is quite enjoyable for me personally. Even if I get under your skin. I can promise you I hold absolutely no grudge towards anyone on this site. Even if it may feel different at times. I don't mean to come across that way, like I'm attacking you. I'll attack your arguments and I won't hold back. But that isn't anything personal. I talk this way IRL, its just me.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I see men talking like this to each other at work all the time. Also in other places. Not saying all the time or all of them, but lots of times and lots of them. They don’t get bothered by it. It’s just all banter to them.


I was thinking specifically about discussions on a work topic, specifically around what to do/how things work. My team was in stand up one time when the most egregiously obvious one happened. A guy was explaining, directed at me, how something within my area of expertise worked and how we should do something. It was not work that this guy had to have anything to do with. He was just blowing hard. My tech led looked at me and said, is this right? Would that work? I said No. Tech lead looks at the guy and says well, if you want to know more about this, talk to Nobody offline. The tech lead was no fool.

Most people whether male, female, both, neither or non-binary are reasonable people. Many people have some form of mental dysfunction. It is real that some people's dysfunction is a sense of superiority because of their male gender. It bothers some people. It does not bother me. But it is a part of our societal makeup.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> Most people whether male or female are reasonable people.


Fixed that one for you :grin2: I agree with you btw. Most people are just fine. Its a small group of men who feel the need to mansplain to women. Theres also a small group of women who womansplain to men. Then there is a smaller group of women who call mansplaining out any chance they can, weather or not there was any mansplaining going on at the time. 

The other thing is, an arrogant jerk doesn't mansplain or womansplain. Because that guy/gal talks the exact same to everybody. So I dont think those people count either.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Fixed that one for you :grin2: I agree with you btw. Most people are just fine. Its a small group of men who feel the need to mansplain to women. Theres also a small group of women who womansplain to men. Then there is a smaller group of women who call mansplaining out any chance they can, weather or not there was any mansplaining going on at the time.
> 
> The other thing is, an arrogant jerk doesn't mansplain or womansplain. Because that guy/gal talks the exact same to everybody. So I dont think those people count either.


The ONLY place I hear the rabid MEN DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING WRONG is here on TAM.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This thread reminds me of a good friend's father. This guy is about 75 now. He was a very important lawyer in his day. But now in retirement he knows everything.

Before I go futher, you need to know that my freind is an IT person with a lot of software development expereince. She is now the manager of the IT department in a large reagional hospital. I've have 35 years of experience as a software engineer behind me.

So now the story. 

One day when we were all out to lunch he started explaining all about how to write software (C++, Linux, etc). His daughter and i made the mistake of tryign to join the "discussion". "Dad" was just wrong on so much of what he was saying. But told us that we were wrong. After all he read all about it on the internet. Plus he played around iwht writing some routines in Basic. He went on with this for about an hour.

I would write this off as just an old man who is clueless. But he was like this 20 years ago when he was still actively practicing law.

I learned to igonre much of waht this guy says a long time ago. But he talks down to his daughter and her friends like this all the time. But I'm not sure I'd call it mansplaing because he's like this with guys as well. "arrogant jerk" fits him very well.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> The ONLY place I hear the rabid MEN DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING WRONG is here on TAM.


Well there's no all male versions of The View on TV either. 0


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I always believed there is a positive correlation between having a lack of humour and intelligence.
Sometimes banter is just that: banter. With nothing more to it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> I always believed there is a positive correlation between having a lack of humour and intelligence.
> Sometimes banter is just that: banter. With nothing more to it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think you have to turn in your sense of humor in order to receive a pink hat....or an extra "inch" you know where lol.

The normal people in the middle can still laugh.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I think you have to turn in your sense of humor in order to receive a pink hat....or an extra "inch" you know where lol.
> 
> The normal people in the middle can still laugh.



I could do with shedding an inch or two...Can you do it by being unfunny? 


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> I think you have to turn in your sense of humor in order to receive a pink hat....or an extra "inch" you know where lol.
> 
> The normal people in the middle can still laugh.


Meh. There is a time for laughter. And there is a time for standing up for the truth. People who think that male superiority does not remain a thing such a short time after women were not even allowed to vote are just blind IMO.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> Meh. There is a time for laughter. And there is a time for standing up for the truth. People who think that male superiority does not remain a thing such a short time after women were not even allowed to vote are just blind IMO.


I agree, but I dont really like the use of "right to vote" to prove your point. There were just as many women that didn't want that right back in the day as there were men who didn't want to give them that right due to a superiority complex. So there is that caviate that is seldom mentioned when using the right to vote as a staple in arguments against patriarchy or what have you. 

But yes, there will always be men who feel they are superior. I don't know that this will ever change. Some men are always going to be dinosaurs in their thought processes. Also, we have post modernists are out there trying to suggest there is no difference in men and women outside of societal constructs. Which is just plain stupid. Post modernists, while I believe are harmless in their stupidity, will undoubtedly create some pushback from people specifically looking for yet another reason to hate the other gender. I still feel we are talking about a relatively small group of people either way.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Also, we have post modernists are out there trying to suggest there is no difference in men and women outside of societal constructs.



And if there are, how do we reconcile and incorporate those differences within the societal constructs, without the feminists coming out with guns blazing?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> And if there are, how do we reconcile and incorporate those differences within the societal constructs, without the feminists coming out with guns blazing?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Well I don't think feminists are post modernists. A real feminist recognizes what makes women unique and important to society and they celebrate their differences from men.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

We allow them to make .78 on the dollar - what more do they want? B****es be trippin!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Well I don't think feminists are post modernists. A real feminist recognizes what makes women unique and important to society and they celebrate their differences from men.




In an ideal world, yes, completely. As do men (celebrating women and their differences). 
It’s only when these ‘celebrations’ are instead viewed as a condescending thing to do, when it gets really irritating, and when most men are not believed that they are not nor do they want to be condescending towards women and spread their paranoia instead (which is infectious, like any conspiracy thing).

The problem is that to a green bottle fly, everything looks like  


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

There's something delicious about watching men talk about what a "real feminist" believes, on a thread titled "Mansplaining." I don't even disagree with the proposed definition....but it's just tooo funny! 

I'm not big on the whole "mansplaining" thing because, as others have pointed, some men (and some women, too) will talk with false authority about what the other person feels/does/experiences....but if I wanted to pick out just one example, this would be on target. 

*****es be trippin, indeed! Please do carry on. 

XOXO, a Real Feminist


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I think what some people are missing (when jumping on the ‘mansplaining’ bandwagon) is that the main prerequisite for mansplaining is explaining something in CONDESCENDING and PATRONISING terms to a woman.

It seems to me, especially recently, that the fact alone that a man would even dare to talk about an issue associated with women, is condescending and patronising in itself, even if men actually talk about that thing in positive terms.

That just seems bizarre to me. They then laugh about it, completely missing the irony of who is actually being condescending during this whole spiel.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

@inmyprime, thanks so much for Mansplaning what Mansplaining is. I really enjoyed it! 

XOXO, a Feminst who Feeds on TAM irony


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RoseAglow said:


> @inmyprime, thanks so much for Mansplaning what Mansplaining is. I really enjoyed it!
> 
> 
> 
> XOXO, a Feminst who Feeds on TAM irony




Happy to oblige 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RoseAglow said:


> some men (and some women, too) will talk with false authority about what the other person feels/does/experiences....but if I wanted to pick out just one example, this would be on target.



Btw, do you feel there is a difference between these two statements:

A. I feel that she feels intimidated.

Or

B. She feels intimidated.

Because I think this goes at the heart of many disagreements that happen here. Some men mean A., while it is often misunderstood as B.

Then the whole ‘how dare you tell me how I feel?’ comes up.

Why does this happen so often? (Rhetorical question). 

In a conversation with people that I engage in normally in real life, while one has to be mindful of other people’s feelings, it is usually not out of place to speculate how the other person might be feeling, which implies an inquisitive question rather than a statement of fact. (Because by the very definition, you cannot possibly know how someone is feeling, as it is so subjective, and saying otherwise would be completely non sensical).


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> We allow them to make .78 on the dollar - what more do they want? B****es be trippin!


The wage gap is a myth.

Yes....it is


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> The wage gap is a myth.
> 
> Yes....it is


I don't like doing dishes or laundry, so you can keep those jobs. I'm busy building America. 

JK


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I recall being in the hospital with my wife and our third newborn. 

I repeat, my wife...now mother of three...not new to the new kid rodeo.

Junior was a little slow on the uptake when it came to learning how to latch on (breastfeeding).

So this male nurse, who looked to be all of 22 years old. approached the bed and proceeded to tell my wife how it's done.

Son, I know this is a hospital, but I don't want to see any more blood than I have to, so let's you and me go out into the hall right now.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

RoseAglow said:


> There's something delicious about watching men talk about what a "real feminist" believes, on a thread titled "Mansplaining." I don't even disagree with the proposed definition....but it's just tooo funny!
> 
> I'm not big on the whole "mansplaining" thing because, as others have pointed, some men (and some women, too) will talk with false authority about what the other person feels/does/experiences....but if I wanted to pick out just one example, this would be on target.
> 
> ...


Attempting an argument from authority typically means you don't have any real argument to begin with. Its usually a trick designed to discredit your opponents in an argument on the basis that they aren't even allowed an opinion on the subject to begin with. That way you win by default, and don't have to even then attempt to provide your own arguments.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

RoseAglow said:


> There's something delicious about watching men talk about what a "real feminist" believes, on a thread titled "Mansplaining." I don't even disagree with the proposed definition....but it's just tooo funny!
> 
> I'm not big on the whole "mansplaining" thing because, as others have pointed, some men (and some women, too) will talk with false authority about what the other person feels/does/experiences....but if I wanted to pick out just one example, this would be on target.
> 
> ...


Here's the thing. There are many versions of feminisim... as defined and practiced by, get this... women. Some of them are at stark odds with each other. So even women may misrepresent each other when describing what a "real feminist" thinks, feels, believes, or advocates.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Here's the thing. There are many versions of feminisim... as defined and practiced by, get this... women. Some of them are at stark odds with each other. So even women may misrepresent each other when describing what a "real feminist" thinks, feels, believes, or advocates.


I guess that would be womansplaining.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

uhtred said:


> I think there is a much simpler flow chart:
> 
> would you explain the same way under the same circumstances to a man:
> 
> ...


But where's the opportunity for baseless outrage in that?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

At this point @RoseAglow has put any explanation in a virtual check mate. Any further attempts are effectively labeled prior to even leaving your mouth.

You win, Rose. Here is the other end of the rope.

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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

True enough, but baseless outrage doesn't seem to be a rare commodity these days, its clearly a renewable resource. 





GusPolinski said:


> But where's the opportunity for baseless outrage in that?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RoseAglow said:


> There's something delicious about watching men talk about what a "real feminist" believes, on a thread titled "Mansplaining." I don't even disagree with the proposed definition....but it's just tooo funny!
> 
> I'm not big on the whole "mansplaining" thing because, as others have pointed, some men (and some women, too) will talk with false authority about what the other person feels/does/experiences....but if I wanted to pick out just one example, this would be on target.
> 
> ...


Did you just assume @TheDudeLebowski's gender?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Meh. There is a time for laughter. And there is a time for standing up for the truth. People who think that male superiority does not remain a thing such a short time after women were not even allowed to vote are just blind IMO.


Wait...

_Are you saying that *women can vote now?!?*_

Well ****.

Show's over, fellas. Time to pack it in.

The Patriarchy failed.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

farsidejunky said:


> At this point @RoseAglow has put any explanation in a virtual check mate. Any further attempts are effectively labeled prior to even leaving your mouth.


As the old saying goes, if a man says something, alone in the middle of a dark forest, and nobody hears him, is it still mansplaining?


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

I don't find mansplaining to be much of an issue. On occasion, guys have treated me like I'm stupid, but it never lasts more than a minute.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

wild jade said:


> I don't find mansplaining to be much of an issue. On occasion, guys have treated me like I'm stupid, but it never lasts more than a minute.


 Honestly, as I think about it, I don't know if I have ever had someone man splain anything to me. I have had men back pedal. I have had men twist to avoid responsibility. But I have never actually had someone mansplain anything to me.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> Honestly, as I think about it, I don't know if I have ever had someone man splain anything to me. I have had men back pedal. I have had men twist to avoid responsibility. But I have never actually had someone mansplain anything to me.


This happened just last night! Made me laugh, and I thought of this thread.

A small group of us were cleaning up after a wedding, and there was a long extension cord to a microphone that had to be wound up.

Three of us were in the office next to the lobby - all women - and our manager showed me and another employee how to wrap the cord so that it didn't twist and make a mess.

The manager left to do other stuff, and a male employee came into the room, took the cord out of the other woman's hands, and started a long story about how he was taught to do it, while simultaneously showing us how. 

The woman he'd taken it from said, 'So and so showed us a trick and would like us to try to do it her way'.

He didn't even acknowledge what she said, and kept right on talking and winding. 

It was highly amusing, and I thought to myself, 'This is IT!!! I'm experiencing a true mansplain!


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

minimalME said:


> This happened just last night! Made me laugh, and I thought of this thread.
> 
> A small group of us were cleaning up after a wedding, and there was a long extension cord to a microphone that had to be wound up.
> 
> ...



Are you sure he wouldn't have done that same thing to another guy?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Are you sure he wouldn't have done that same thing to another guy?


I have no clue if he would've behaved that way with another man in the same situation. 

More to the point is that we didn't need, nor did we ask for his help. In fact, he was directly told that we wanted to do it a different way, and he couldn't have cared less.

He was in his own world.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

minimalME said:


> I have no clue if he would've behaved that way with another man in the same situation.
> 
> More to the point is that we didn't need, nor did we ask for his help. In fact, he was directly told that we wanted to do it a different way, and he couldn't have cared less.
> 
> He was in his own world.


Some guys are that way to everybody, not really just women. So I don't think they count as mansplaining. 

Besides, I would have shown you and him a better way to wind up that cord. >


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I would have shown you and him a better way to wind up that cord. >


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm wondering if man splaining is more about attitude than the actual words. That condescending you poor sweet baby let me explain it to you like you're a 5 year old kind of attitude. If that is the case, I have to say I hear and read and awful lot of woman splaining in various places to. Women are just as apt to Pat poor clueless man on the head with their attitudes as men are to do the reverse.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I'm wondering if man splaining is more about attitude than the actual words. That condescending you poor sweet baby let me explain it to you like you're a 5 year old kind of attitude. If that is the case, I have to say I hear and read and awful lot of woman splaining in various places to. Women are just as apt to Pat poor clueless man on the head with their attitudes as men are to do the reverse.


I agree that it is more of an attitude, and I do see it in both men and women.

I've been surprised how many times I've been asked a direct question by a person I'm having a seemingly private conversation with, and someone (anyone) who's orbiting will answer.

It's a small thing, but highly annoying.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

IME, When women use the word "sweety" and they aren't calling for their husbands or SO, they are probably womansplaing. Ymmv


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Wife has a dear old friend. Been to her wedding(s), and all of her kid's weddings. This dear old friend is a very annoying and condescending thing, who clearly knows better than everyone else. She constantly puts her man "in his place". She is clearly the Dom, and he acts like he likes it. When ever she comes to visit she is very loud and boisterous, telling us how to live, and how to act, and how to vote, and how I should talk to and treat my wife. 

This couple is poor, and we are not. This couple is repressed, and we are not. This man, while seemingly happy, asks me to sneak him to strip clubs and get him weed. I do not.

This woman calls me "sweety" constantly. I can not.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Boys...boys....

It’s spelled s-w-e-e-t-i-e. 

Write that down so you’ll remember it correctly, K?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> The ONLY place I hear the rabid MEN DON'T EVER DO ANYTHING WRONG is here on TAM.


Women, too. Bummer that tam does not scale up to real life


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> IME, When women use the word "sweety" and they aren't calling for their husbands or SO, they are probably womansplaing. Ymmv


Maybe, but context is important.

I'm from the South, and my mom and dad call me sweetie. The waitresses in restaurants call everyone sweetie. 

I grew up with it, and, for me, it's an affectionate word.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

minimalME said:


> Maybe, but context is important.
> 
> I'm from the South, and my mom and dad call me sweetie. The waitresses in restaurants call everyone sweetie.
> 
> I grew up with it, and, for me, it's an affectionate word.


Thats true. I live in Texas and I know what you are talking about. 

Ive just noticed when a woman wants to be particularly condescending to me, I'm either called sweety or sweetheart at some point during her womansplaining.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> IME, When women use the word "sweety" and they aren't calling for their husbands or SO, they are probably womansplaing. Ymmv


Ohmygosh so true. It's usually accompanied by that pitying, condescending, closed-mouth smile.

Bless its heart.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> I have not experienced this at work.


I've worked in male dominated fields all my adult life. I see it constantly. This is just how many men talk and interact. They talk over each other all the time. Explain the obvious to each other like it's a contest to see who can look more knowledgeable, and they love to insult each other like that's another contest to see who can be the most witty and harsh. 

When you get into the college educated, white collar world, they're a little more civilized, but it still goes on.

Women, as a group, have their quirks, but this is not one of them and when a man talks to a woman the exact same (annoying) way he talks to other men, some women take it personally and think it's because they are female. This confuses the poor brute because nothing could be further from the truth in his mind yet once again he's offended the mysterious female creature by just being his mouth-breathing self. And now he has to go to sensitivity training. Again.

To me, the infuriating part is not the mansplaining. It's that when you DO want an explanation from a man, he suddenly goes mute and does not have the time, energy, or words to provide it.

The chart is hilarious, btw.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> Maybe, but context is important.
> 
> I'm from the South, and my mom and dad call me sweetie. The waitresses in restaurants call everyone sweetie.
> 
> I grew up with it, and, for me, it's an affectionate word.


That's interesting because I'm not from the South and when another woman calls me sweetie it does feel a little condescending sometimes, like she thinks I'm helpless in comparison to her and she is looking out for me. I find the woman's age makes a big difference in how I experience this term of endearment. I never mind it from older women but feel a little condescended to by when a woman my age or younger who I barely know calls me sweetie.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You know, it's kind of interesting.

For both men and women who have been on the receiving end of this, where does your mind have to be to find this offensive? 

What is your inside voice telling you that leads you to react with aggression rather than amusement?

What people fail to realize is this is a trigger, just like any other. Furthermore, the less one thinks of oneself, the more likely the reaction would be annoyance or aggression, IMO. 

Own your ****. Own your triggers.

Lastly, IME, womansplaining has nearly always been a form of flirting with me, especially in my single days. I would just shut up and see how close she wanted to get to me...and it often turned out "close" meant "horizontal close"...lol 

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> Boys...boys....
> 
> It’s spelled s-w-e-e-t-i-e.
> 
> Write that down so you’ll remember it correctly, K?


Yeah that isn't really part of our vocabulary. We can all spell ***** though :grin2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Boys...boys....
> ...


Hmmm...now I’m left to guess what ***** spells. Does it start with a B, a P or a W?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

All of them.... But that word was started with a B. We can also spell a popular word used in the UK that starts with a C.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> All of them.... But that word was started with a B. We can also spell a popular word used in the UK that starts with a C.



Yes: conundrum. Applies to many women 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> That's interesting because I'm not from the South and when another woman calls me sweetie it does feel a little condescending sometimes, like she thinks I'm helpless in comparison to her and she is looking out for me. I find the woman's age makes a big difference in how I experience this term of endearment. I never mind it from older women but feel a little condescended to by when a woman my age or younger who I barely know calls me sweetie.


Tone of voice would make a difference. You can usually tell if someone's being endearing or sassy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> All of them.... But that word was started with a B. We can also spell a popular word used in the UK that starts with a C.


5 letters?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> 5 letters?


The C word? Rhymes with what you do when its 4th and 15 from your own 30 yard line.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Coforit? 

It doesn't really work, dude.


TheDudeLebowski said:


> The C word? Rhymes with what you do when its 4th and 15 from your own 30 yard line.


Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> Tone of voice would make a difference. You can usually tell if someone's being endearing or sassy.


True. In my experience it's always been endearing, certainly not deliberately sassy. What went through my head when I noticed a woman my own age was calling me sweetie or dear or whatever, was "am I presenting myself in a way that she thinks I am uncertain or need advice/help with life in general?" It was more about me questioning myself - because I can be that way, a little too self deprecating sometimes. I'm thinking now that I didn't pay attention to whether or not the women talked the same way to everyone else.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm southern. If someone decides I'm condescending because I smile and say sweetie or hon or whatever....


Bless their hearts

(See what I did there lol).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

[/url]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/IMG]


I was once explaining something to a female colleague at a previous employer. It was in answer to a question she had asked me. 

She could not understand what I was saying and she was getting crosser and I was getting more frustrated.

Eventually she said: "Are you mansplaining to me?"

Before I could say something a female colleague came to my rescue by shouting: "No! He is trying to help you by answering the question you asked him! You thick ****!"


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I would think that the proper reaction to someone accusing you of mansplaining would simply be to never talk to them again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Buddy400 said:


> I would think that the proper reaction to someone accusing you of mansplaining would simply be to never talk to them again.


It would have been more than awkward as she was the sales manager of one of the magazines I was the news and features editor for and daily conversations and meetings was part of the job.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My wife has accused me of mansplaining precisely one time in our relationship. It was March, and we were scoping out places to have our late June wedding. We found a fantastic spot in a park, where there was a nice decorative concrete path that she wanted to walk down. She was also insistent on being barefoot. I pointed out that the concrete was likely to be very hot in the late June sun. I was a mansplaining crusher of dreams. Our late June wedding rolled around. It was a bright, sunny, 95 degrees outside, and I suddenly became the wisest, most foresightful man in the world...


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

samyeagar said:


> My wife has accused me of mansplaining precisely one time in our relationship. It was March, and we were scoping out places to have our late June wedding. We found a fantastic spot in a park, where there was a nice decorative concrete path that she wanted to walk down. She was also insistent on being barefoot. I pointed out that the concrete was likely to be very hot in the late June sun. I was a mansplaining crusher of dreams. Our late June wedding rolled around. It was a bright, sunny, 95 degrees outside, and I suddenly became the wisest, most foresightful man in the world...


Mansplaining = Being Rational


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