# Fed up and considering divorce….



## Sad teacher (Feb 7, 2021)

Hello….
I’ve been married to my husband for 13 years and we have two young daughters. We have always had differences in opinion about parenting and lifestyle. We have had MC but it did not help much.

I hold a lot of resentment toward him because of things he has done in the past:
-called me disgusting because I finished a 18” sub sandwich when I was breastfeeding
-told me he doesn’t like how I do the kids’ hair. 
-accused my dad of stealing when we sold our first house, because my dad took commission from the sale (he’s a realtor)
-embarrassed me on numerous occasions by criticizing my cooking, parenting, among other things
-looks at me weird all the time, I’m like the ugliest person ever. Almost with disgust. 
-recently was supposed to join my family and I on vacation on a Friday after he finished work, and he said he was “too exhausted.” He ended up going to his friends house and a festival while I was with my family and the kids. He accused me of being too clingy when I got mad at him for this.

The fact is, I am staying for the kids. How wrong is that? I’m scared of getting a divorce and how it will affect them. He even told me he would move away if we ever got a divorce so he could have a new life. Almost like a threat.
I’m a sad, angry person and I don’t want to live like this anymore.


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## Pip’sJourney (Mar 17, 2021)

Sounds like he does not want to be in the relationship any more. I am the product of 2 divorced parents and am glad they separated. You need to sit him down and see what he really wants. He needs to be 100% committed to the relationship.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sad teacher said:


> I am staying for the kids. How wrong is that? I’m scared of getting a divorce and how it will affect them. He even told me he would move away if we ever got a divorce so he could have a new life.


Don't stay for the kids. Children are quite perceptive. They're picking up on the tension. When my parents split up (I was about 10), I was relieved. 

Your husband sounds like he doesn't give a damn about you or the kids. You'll be fine without him. Seriously.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sad teacher said:


> Hello….
> I’ve been married to my husband for 13 years and we have two young daughters. We have always had differences in opinion about parenting and lifestyle. We have had MC but it did not help much.
> 
> I hold a lot of resentment toward him because of things he has done in the past:
> ...


If that’s all he’s done in 13yrs, give him a medal. Not that what you wrote wasn’t bad.
What do you expect him to do if you divorce? Just asking. People say stupid, mean stuff once in a while. Especially if they just say whatever is their head without thinking. If you’re done, say you’re done and divorce him. Why live with a man you despise?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You were here 6 months ago with the same issues. What are you doing about it? Based upon your two posts, I see a woman who blames her husband for everything. I didn’t see you write one thing that you’ve done wrong. You should seek therapy for your resentment. Are you really still angry that he called you disgusting like 7 years ago? I’d be pissed also if my FIL took a commission when helping his daughter and SIL and their young family. My ex wife was very close with her family, like too close. Maybe your husband didn’t want to vacation with them. Maybe he just wanted to vacation with you and the kids. Did you talk to him about it?

Yes, you do sound sad and angry. Maybe he doesn’t want to be around such a negative person?


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## michelleM68 (Jan 22, 2011)

Sounds familiar. I dont think his comments are truthful about the real problem. I recognize this as he is unhappy and his comments are a symptom of it. He may also feel resentment and instead of saying so he is spewing out hurtful comments. My spouse had an affair and once that started his comments became demeaning. Your not gonna forgive until his negative behavior ends. If he were to move away if you divorce its either an empty threat to keep you to stay or he is not vested in his children. Im guessing something deeper is going on and he is not going to freely tell you. Try to relate to him to get him to open up. Such as if you think he is burned out on responsibility bring that up as a topic and say something to the effect that having a family job and home is a lot of responsibility and it can easily burn out parents. Or it can be challenging living with the same partner for a long time. Gage what you think is going on with him and relate. But also please do not stay together for the kids. There is nothing positive that will come from that and your denying yourself a right to a fullfilling life and you will wake up one day regretting it. Also do not let his comments destroy your self worth.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

You husband doesn't respect you. Any man that talks down to his wife isn't a man. Don't stay in a crappy marriage "for the kids". They know it's crappy and will most likely mirror that in their relationships when they get older. Be strong and take care of yourself. I always say getting the divorce ball rolling may be the jolt the other spouse needs. Divorce is scary as hell, but a year of dealing with the legalities is much better than a lifetime of unhappiness. Ask your friends/colleagues if they can recommend a lawyer and then schedule a consultation to explore your options. Then sit down and tell your husband what you are considering.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You haven't got a marriage really, have you? That's your husband's fault. Give him the divorce he deserves.


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## Sad teacher (Feb 7, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> You were here 6 months ago with the same issues. What are you doing about it? Based upon your two posts, I see a woman who blames her husband for everything. I didn’t see you write one thing that you’ve done wrong. You should seek therapy for your resentment. Are you really still angry that he called you disgusting like 7 years ago? I’d be pissed also if my FIL took a commission when helping his daughter and SIL and their young family. My ex wife was very close with her family, like too close. Maybe your husband didn’t want to vacation with them. Maybe he just wanted to vacation with you and the kids. Did you talk to him about it?
> 
> Yes, you do sound sad and angry. Maybe he doesn’t want to be around such a negative person?


I am not a perfect person, because Resentment is wrong in itself. I don’t want to feel this way and I have gone to therapy. I try not to be negative. We have gone through marriage counseling as well.


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## Sad teacher (Feb 7, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> You were here 6 months ago with the same issues. What are you doing about it? Based upon your two posts, I see a woman who blames her husband for everything. I didn’t see you write one thing that you’ve done wrong. You should seek therapy for your resentment. Are you really still angry that he called you disgusting like 7 years ago? I’d be pissed also if my FIL took a commission when helping his daughter and SIL and their young family. My ex wife was very close with her family, like too close. Maybe your husband didn’t want to vacation with them. Maybe he just wanted to vacation with you and the kids. Did you talk to him about it?
> 
> Yes, you do sound sad and angry. Maybe he doesn’t want to be around such a negative person?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Sad teacher said:


> I am not a perfect person, because Resentment is wrong in itself. I don’t want to feel this way and I have gone to therapy. I try not to be negative. We have gone through marriage counseling as well.


 give yourself a brake and get your self peace when you get a divorce


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