# My husband is paranoid!



## Patty SadWife (May 20, 2012)

I need some help, some advice. My husband is extremely jelous and I don't know how to get thru to him. He has this idea that I have been talking to my ex-boyfriend or/and planning a reconciliation with him based on something that he says he saw. I have no idea what he is talking about. He says to me, "I know you know what I am talking about and until you come clean and tell me the truth, I am not talking to you and this relationship cannot go on". I keep asking him, what he is referring to, and he won't tell me, he says he wants me to come to him and tell him everything. I don't know what the heck he is talking about!!! How can you accuse someone of something and not say what that "something" is? He is crazy! 

We've been married for 12 years, been together for a total of 15 years and have 2 children. He is threatning on leaving the house, he is looking for a place to live, because he says I am not honest with him and don't trust him enough to tell him what he wants to know.

Am I crazy for expecting that he comes to me and say "I saw/heard/observed XYZ and need more clarification, would you tell me what it was about?" But he won't! He will simply say, "until you are ready to confess, tell me the truth about what you know I want to know, then we can not go any further."

My husband is paranoid, I don't know what else to do, how to get thru to him and explain that what he is doing and the way he is behaving is stupid!


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

Did you do anything that he could have possibly found or misinterpertated (sp)?? Perhaps a text, email, facebook message, anything that he could have seen?

The old saying goes something like this "The person that spends all the time accusing is usually the person with the guilty conscience." DO you think that it is possible that he is the guilty party and feels so bad about what he's done that he is trying to convince you to confess to something?

All this is just speculation though. There is always what if's and could've, should've, would'ves. The bottom line is being with someone that is jealous is not always a good thing. If your relationship has always been like this, where he accuses you of cheating etc., then perhaps, sadly enough, it may be better to let him go if thats what he wants. You can fight for your relationship but in the end if this is a cycle, it will just happen again down the road. Best of luck to you!!


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## luckycardinal (Feb 7, 2012)

Sounds like he's playing mind games with you, which is kind of silly. Too bad he can't come out and talk about what has concerned him and at least give you a chance to explain. That is what mature people do. My abusive husband has played these kind of games too like "I saw you looking at that guy" and I'm like "what guy????" I never even noticed the person he thought I was looking at. He has also called me a liar and tried to make me admit to things I know I didn't do and he will say things like "you are a liar and if you won't admit to me that you did X then the relationship is over." Back before I realized he was an abuser this drove me INSANE, but now I don't care and really just wish he'd leave.

If this is a pattern with your husband, I agree with the poster above - it may be best to just let him go if that is what he wants.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> He says to me, "I know you know what I am talking about and until you come clean and tell me the truth, I am not talking to you and this relationship cannot go on". I keep asking him, what he is referring to, and he won't tell me, he says he wants me to come to him and tell him everything. I don't know what the heck he is talking about!!!


After 15 years of being together and 12 years of marriage, he doesn't have the DECENCY to discuss this with you like an adult?!?


> He is threatning on leaving the house, he is looking for a place to live, because he says I am not honest with him and don't trust him enough to tell him what he wants to know.


HE is threatening to move out on you and your children because *YOU'RE* NOT BEING HONEST?!? If this man was Pinocchio, his nose would be WAAAAY longer than his pecker!

Sounds to me like hubby is either (a) cheating on you or (b) tired of being married and wants to give 'the grass is greener' a try. He is hoping you will spill your guts about some misdeed (real or perceived) so he can blame YOU for the imminent break-up he's considering. If you HAVEN'T done anything wrong (and I believe you haven't), he is hoping you will say something that he can BLOW UP into the "reason" your marriage is failing/failed/he couldn't stay with a woman like that/blah, blah, blah.

Don't know HOW to get through to him how stupid his behavior is. My suggestion is for YOU to decide if you're getting enough GOOD out of this relationship (for the last 15 years into the current day) to justify being treated like a cheater, ignored, not being spoken to, threatened with separation and/or divorce, and not being treated decently enough to be told what your CRIME is....just that you're being accused of 'something'...now come up with a defense....... yeah, pretty sh!tty, isn't it?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, this is just awful. Nightmare-level awful. I suggest immediate counseling for you (for him if he'd go, but I doubt he will).

Until then, try broken record -- simply repeat, calmly, as often as needed, "I have no idea what you are talking about, and until you are willing to discuss it fully, this conversation is over."

God, I'm sorry this is going on for you.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Can you think of ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING, that could potentially be misconstrued in your past, other than that email?

If not, then do what lamaga says. There's no point lamenting on it further. If he leaves, he leaves. His loss.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She has another thread here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/46709-my-husband-paranoid.html

She cheated on him before, is currently talking to an ex boyfriend on Facebook which she hasn't admitted to him yet; her husband also cheated on her with her friend and he videotapes her around the house. Healthy relationship.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, well, Jellybeans...that's different, ain't it 

Seems a bit disingenuous of you, Patty...you have anything to say?


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## hlk (May 21, 2012)

delusion jealousy disorder.. please research it


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## Patty SadWife (May 20, 2012)

Sorry guys, I was new into this and posted in 2 different places, I will delete this extra one


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## Patty SadWife (May 20, 2012)

I just have to figure out how : )


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Patty SadWife said:


> I just have to figure out how : )


Go to the orginal post on this thread. Click on edit. once the edit window opens click on delete... and click on that you really do want to delete it. Deleteing the first post of a thead deletes the thread.


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