# Help with my Marriage



## xOxArmyWifexOx (Jan 14, 2013)

hello,

i could use some advice on my marriage. 

I am 24 turn 25 next month my husband is 23 and is at Basic in the Army. He is away right now and need some advice and what to do.

My Story is my husband have been together since the day we met which was 4 yrs ago. Yes we are young newly wed's we will be coming up to our 2nd anniversary May 22nd and things where great in the beginning until now.

I feel as if he has been "Lazy" in our relationship. He asks me if i need help with the house after I am done and watching me struggle with things while he sits on the couch playing video games. Video games are his life. And we both love to play together but sometimes enough is enough and its time to put down the controller and spend time with your wife.

He doesn't seem to appreciate all i do for him I work full time 7am-4pm Monday through Friday and when i get home i end up cooking and cleaning. He works from 9am-5pm Monday through Friday. And every time he comes home its right to the video games. I will go out of my way to stop at the store either while I am out or on my way home to buy him a little hot wheels car because he is a mechanic and i love to show him the little things in life matter.

I am not the girl who wants expensive things I just want the little things even holding me or tickling me or helping me with cleaning without me having to tell him. When he asks if i need help he knows i am already done with everything. I come home cook and clean I never get a break. He makes me feel like the house we live in is my house instead of our house. He makes me feel like a slave or maid.

When we have extra money he always tends to buy something for himself. It's always him him him never us as a couple. He writes me in letters saying he has changed but when he came back for 2 weeks for the holidays it was all about him and the letters where just lies the first thing he did was ask if we can buy this can we buy that. Never something for us to both enjoy. 

I have tried to talk to him but all he says is this "you talk to me like i am your best friend" i thought your husband was suppose to be your best friend. Dont get me wrong i love him but i am not happy. I want to feel appreciated and loved and have communications. the only time we spend together when he is here is video games, his parents, or in the bed. Other than that we dont do anything like we use to.

Is it so wrong to want more and to be happy. I just want romance every once in a while. even turning the tub on randomly for me would be romantic he thinks everything cost $$$ and so does romance. I do love him but how do i stay with someone i am not happy with that i might not be in love with anymore. Yes marriage is hard work and dedication but how can i work hard at something that doesnt give me the same in return. 

I just don't know anymore Can someone give me some advice that would be greatly appreciated.

thank you.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I have been in your husbands shoes before. Even the part about video games! I used to play mmo's pretty hardcore and they became more important to me than my marriage.

Bottom line is I took my wife for granted, and I think he is doing the same. What would happen if you just didn't clean? Would he do it? Part of the problem is some men just take awhile to grow up and both of you are still young (me too I am 30). He is used to you doing this so why should he when he can easily just play video games?

My advice for you is wake up his instinct , and make him romance you and court you again. Go get your own life (no offense) don't make him your everything , go hang out with friends, make him appreciate you again.


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## xOxArmyWifexOx (Jan 14, 2013)

Thank you I appreciate the advice. My thing is i don't have very many friends to hangout with and none o them are married or in any relationship or understand the military life style. And yes i dont mind hanging out with my friends who are not seeing someone but its hard to hang out with them and them understand or relate to you when they have never been married nor in a long term relationship. I do have a life myself but how do i talk to someone who is as stubborn as him and doesnt listen and when i do try to talk to him he shuts me out. I have left few times and he still doesnt get it. I just don't know anymore i want more from this marriage.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Don't hold your breath on the gaming. It's even more fun when you have kids and think daddy will choose the kids over the games. Nope. They just get worse, while you get more resentful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

Welcome to married life. The classic "my husband doesn't help me around the house, takes me for granted, and doesn't romance me". Here are three things I can tell you. 

1. Marriage is like a sea saw. If one person is extending themselves 80% than the other will only extend themselves 20%. This goes for anything in a relationship but let’s use cleaning as an example. If you are constantly doing it than he thinks you have it under control and won't. In order for this to balance out, you need to stop doing all of it. I know how gross it is but don't do things until he does. For example, don't do the dishes and let them pile up until he gets up and does them. When he finally does them as much as you don't want to, butter him up and tell him how nice that was of him. Don't nag him about cleaning just stop doing it and wait for him too. If you are not willing to do this than the only other thing I could tell you about it is to maybe use Saturday or Sunday as a cleaning day and divvy up the chores since both of your work m-f. 

2. You have to sit down and talk to him about the romance thing. If you are feeling like he is not giving you the romance that you want, you have to let him know that you need those little things to feel loved and maybe give him some examples. Also, if you need more sexual romance maybe take the initiate and try new things. I would suggest reading The Five Love Languages with him. 

3. Also, what the other poster said is you need to start making yourself happy and putting yourself first. If you don't do this, you are only going to start resenting him which will only make matters worse in the long run.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I can see why you feel you are falling out of love with him. It's a combination of his preference for video games, not doing his part around the house and the two of you not having enough time and romance together. He is taking your for granted.
When you say he does not help you around the house, drop the work “help”. The house is as much his responsibility as it is yours. If he does the dishes he is not ‘helping’ you. He is doing his responsibility.

Stop doing things for him. Do you do his laundry? Stop doing it. He’s a big boy and can ran a washing machine. What else do you do for him? Do you pick up things he leaves around the house? Just pile his clothing on the floor next to his side or the bed (or up them in a basket.. do not put anything away for him.

In marriage a couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, doing date like things, just the two of you. If you don’t the love and connection will die over time.

I suggest that you take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. The books “His Need, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” would help the two of you a lot to get on track.

Your husband is very young. From what I have read, most guys are not ready for marriage until about age 30. Men who marry earlier than that tend to end up divorced. So you really do need to take this very serious and see if you can get him to come around.


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