# Talk me down, PLEASE!



## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

Okay. Just got off the phone with my STBXH and I'm losing it. He's trying to get as many days and nights with the kids, not because he actually wants to be with them (if that was it, he'd spend time with them now and he WON'T) but because he is hoping it will reduce what he has to pay for child support.
Also, I will be paying all insurance, bills, care, etc but he's insisting he gets to claim one of them as a deduction on his income tax.
Logically I know I don't need ANY child support, am just putting that into college fund for the kids and I know the actual savings in my income are trivial due to the deduction for one child, but HONESTLY. I am so furious. 
And then, he refuses to have a morality clause in the agreement. Says it would prevent him from going to visit his family with our kids and the OW. 
He is so selfish and only thinking of himself! And I'm trying so hard right now to just drop it (I want this done, and I know darn well even though he's asking for all this time, he won't actually take them for this time.) 
ARGH!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

The number of physical custody days usually only impacts support when the arrangement is more of a joint custody. Many states have a majic number of days of physical custody before child support is impacted, check out your jurisdiction's rules. In Virginia its 90 days a year.
If you are the custodial parent you get the deduction-end of story there. If you have joint custody, he might be right, but you'd need to check with an attorney. If this is an agreement, he can beg all he wants, just say no.
The morality clause is rarely enforceable and courts will rarely put one in an order, but people can agree to it all they like. Unless he's sleeping around, I'd just suck it up and let that go. If he's already with the OW, you are stopping nothing.
I hate custody/support fights.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

Thank you!
You're right. I need to pick my battles, and this is so NOT worth my time or effort. I need to focus on only those things that are really going to impact my kids.

Just texted him and told him he gets to explain to the kids why they should wait until after marriage to sleep with someone while dad doesn't need to even wait until his current marriage is legally ended.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Luonnotar said:


> Just texted him and told him he gets to explain to the kids why they should wait until after marriage to sleep with someone while dad doesn't need to even wait until his current marriage is legally ended.


Understand that, while this sort of dig against him might make you feel better, it's not going to make it easier to get what you want.



Pb.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

Sigh. You're so right.

Okay. From now on, all smart aleck comments go by my sister first. She'll get a laugh out of them, I'll get the stress relief, and I won't start world war three....


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Do you have lawyers? Go through them and stop talking to him. 
Morality clauses aren't enforceable anyway so I don't see the point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Luonnotar said:


> Sigh. You're so right.
> 
> Okay. From now on, all smart aleck comments go by my sister first. She'll get a laugh out of them, I'll get the stress relief, and I won't start world war three....


Or, let it go... Save your anger and worry for the things that deserve it.

You can't control what he does or thinks, and you'll only drive yourself crazy if you try.

What you can control is what you do, what you think, how you react. Set the example for your children that he isn't.



Pb.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Luonnotar said:


> Okay. Just got off the phone with my STBXH and I'm losing it. He's trying to get as many days and nights with the kids, not because he actually wants to be with them (if that was it, he'd spend time with them now and he WON'T) but because he is hoping it will reduce what he has to pay for child support.
> Also, I will be paying all insurance, bills, care, etc but he's insisting he gets to claim one of them as a deduction on his income tax.
> Logically I know I don't need ANY child support, am just putting that into college fund for the kids and I know the actual savings in my income are trivial due to the deduction for one child, but HONESTLY. I am so furious.
> And then, he refuses to have a morality clause in the agreement. Says it would prevent him from going to visit his family with our kids and the OW.
> ...



He's a selfish moron thinking with his pecker...focus on your relationship with your kids and what you can do for you and moving on...easier said than done and I sure need to follow my own advice (no kids with my STBXH thank god) but he's a real douchcanoe...and since he doesn't even 'want' to spend time with the kids it's going to be an inconvenience for him anyway.. just keep going for all the parenting time you want anyway...and drop the rest of his control issues...he's not worth it.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

<<,agrees with katy... hes a 'douchecanoe" *still laughing at this word

you are a mum.....focus. 

stay indifferent.

In Australia..we call this type of bloke a "wanker"


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Luonnotar said:


> Sigh. You're so right.
> 
> Okay. From now on, all smart aleck comments go by my sister first. She'll get a laugh out of them, I'll get the stress relief, and I won't start world war three....


It's time for cool, firm, and dispassionate.

You are either "ok" with a suggestion, or you are not.

No excessive talking, explaining, or logical pleading.


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