# Ouch it hurts. I know how everyone feels!



## dexdastardly (Sep 6, 2009)

Hi Everyone.

First of all i'd like to say thanks to everyone who is reading this and I know many of you will have been through the same thing, I respect your strentgh and courage.

I found out last week, Through a 3rd party, That my USAF wife has been cheating on me whilst stationed back in the US. 
She has only been back in the US since the end of may 2009 which is not exactly a life time.

As I have already stated I recieved an e-mail via face book informing me of my "wife" and her acts since she has been posted to this AFB. To the person who informed me thank you, without your message i may have never known.

We have been married since oct 2007 and I never dreamed this could happen to me. When I found out the e-mail was true ( I believed it to be a hoax when I first got it) I felt sick to my very core. I was physically shaking and actually vomited on several occations.

I have since been told that my wife suffered from depression throughout high school. Im not sure if this was an attempt at self desrutction or if it was a genuine attempt to destroy me?

I have booked us both in for a series of sessions at the local USAF shrink. He has helped me extermely well with an issue I was previously struggling with.

My wife was caught by her C/O and therefore faces a coutmarshall. 

I still love her but she has been lying to me for at least a month, I also have evidence that she has lied to to the USAF and photographic proof to back this up.

Please please can you all give me your advice.

As stated before she arrives here in the uk and I don't want her to end up in prison if it was a genuine MASSSSSSIVE mistake on her part. I could maybe understand it if she has undergone theropy before.

If not then I feel she should suffer the full wrath of the USAF law.

If these people are capible of lying in such a way how can you trust them?

Mullder and Sculley may have been telling the truth all along!!!!

Yours sincerally,,

Dex .

P.S everyone deserves love. Nobody deserves being lied to.

I lokk forward to hearing everyones reply?

DEX:scratchhead:


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

Adultary, depression, military justice. This is a pretty volitale combination. 

Noone can diagnose why your wife did something without knowing all the facts, being familiar with who she is and has been, and what situations she was in. None of this will add up to justification, but it might show if this is a pattern or a one time mistake. If its a pattern she must overcome it from within, there are deeper issues to deal with. If it is a unique mistake from which she has learned a life lesson, or could learn a lesson then you can work through this together. 

With the added complication of military justice involvement it may be out of both of your hands. In the military its an issue of a single mistake can mean the difference of life and death, and this may have been that mistake for her. The only advise I can give you is to be totally honest and cooperative with the authorities, its too late for you to mitigate the outcome.


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## dexdastardly (Sep 6, 2009)

Thank you for your coment Gomez, I will keep this in mind. I have no intention of witholding evidence should it come to that however I am still hopeful we can resolve this issue. there are a few things that for me don't add up though!

Thanks for your word and reply.

Dex


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Dexdastardly. it is obvious that you are hurting and that is understandable. There is no excuse for infidelity. It is not a mistake, but rather a very poor choice made by childish, selfish people who want their cake and eat it, too. If a person wants to have sex with others, then why not stay single? If married, why not just get a divorce? 

It is a truly devastating thing to be betrayed by someone you loved enough to create marriage vows with. 

I am sorry you are going through this. It isn't a Sunday School picnic.


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

Dexdastardly, that really is horrible. I know, as I am in kind of the same situation, except it was my husband, and his CO doesn't know ( the base and unit padres do, but it is "confidential"). It is so painful, and it's so hard to know what to do or how to feel. I hope things get better for you- going to counseling or for psychological help is a great idea, as it may help to sort out what went on. 
Some advice that was givien to me by the unit padre was that if this other girl decided to make waves ( they still have to work together), then my husband and I could go together to the chain of command, and explain the situation and that we are currently in counseling, etc. Hopefully, this would show that eh was trying to take responsibility for what happened, and may mitigate some of the damage.
But while part of the blame for what happened does lie with your wife, just as equal a share lies with the other man. Is he being held accountable as well?


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## dexdastardly (Sep 6, 2009)

Hi Frozensprouts, Yes the guy involved has been threatend with arrest if he comes onto the base again. He is not millitary. Its just got worse however as I now have proof that my wife has cheated on her x-bf and has recently contacted him as well. I think it may be the end of my tether, I have tried to forgive and forget but its no good and this new insight just means Im not the only person to be taken for a mug by this lady. I have no choice to tell the AF as all of my belongings have already been shipped and I want them back before she does anything to them. I know how you feel, this seems to be more commen than i'd assumed, maybe we should start a millitary thread?

Dex


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

there seems to be ( and I know a lot of people won't like hearing this, but it's true) a thing in the military of women "sleeping their way to the top". It doesn't sound as if that is what your wife is doing. It almost sounds as if she may be depressed and trying, albeit unconsciously, to hurt herself, with you as "collateral damage". That's not fair to you at all. If she needs help, I hope she finds it, but you need to look after yourself.


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