# First BJ in 6 Years WTF????????



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

I am in total shock and do not know what to think!!!!!!!!
BJ history: The first time was at year 7 when I told her I was leaving I had a suite case in hand and she did the deed while crying, I left anyway!
A few weeks later we started meeting at my new place and she did it a few more times while asking me to come home and assuring me that our sexless marriage would change.
A few more times, once I came home, a lot of sex that resulted in our 2nd pregnancy and then no more and the sex dropped back to a few times a month.

Fast forward year 16 I cheated divorce was in the air to say the least. After many friends and family told her that she pushed me out of our marriage bed because of her failure to provide her husband with sex she did it again for a few weeks and told me that we could work things out and that our sexless marriage would change. Then no more BJs but a little more sex about 6 times a month.

Yesterday: I come home from work and she is going out of her way to be nice, talking pleasantly asking to set up my dinner etc. Then she hits me with, we were denied a parent loan for my daughters senior year of college she has to do 5 years. She tells me the daughter can only get approved for 4gs and that we need to pay 25gs cash for next year and that she is just letting me know. I asked her how much do we owe currently and she mumbled my daughter would have to get on line to get that info? 

Guys: My wife has handled our finances since the beginning in my efforts to man up and to possible prepare for the future I have been thinking how I can ask for a full accounting of our finances with out her freaking out that I am leaving. My wife is in banking and it just seemed easier to let her worry about it. She could have a nice nest egg built up by now. Anyway she knows to the penny what bills we have. Coincidently I just settled my father’s estate. 

So come bed time she doesn’t push me away and we have a great make out session and after coaching with my tong she starts sucking it? I mone enthusiastically letting her know what I want. She moved into position and started doing it I complemented her and told her how good it felt. I stopped her after a few minutes and told her I wanted to be inside her. I was treating the experience like I would if I was at the second stage of trying to get a girl to do that. Ie: first kiss it once, then lick it once see that’s not so bad, next time do some more. 

Question: Why did she do it?

Did she do it because she thinks I may stray from the nest?

Did she do it because she wants to buy time so that she can secure my finances?

Did she do it because she realizes I may be at the boiling point?

Did she do it because running the (MAP) is actually working?

What will happen tonight?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

The sky is the limit brother.

Congratulations.

Keep reading the sticky and applying those lessons to your relationship.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Probably because she knows that when your mind is on your junk it aint on your finances.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

ALWAYS look a gift horse in the mouth.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Conrad said:


> The sky is the limit brother.


You men crack me up :rofl:

Did you ASK her why? And honestly, it's a great thing. Enjoy it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

frustated said:


> I have been thinking how I can ask for a full accounting of our finances with out her freaking out that I am leaving.


Explain to her the truth that it is necessary just in case she couldn't do it anymore because of a debilitating illness or if she passed away first. Trying to sort out financial matters during any of those two scenarios is the worst of all times. Keep in mind that the delivery of your message is just as important as the message itself and so I would advise you to *calmly, quietly and respectfully* approach her with the subject. Control your anger and you'll create an emotional environment of trust where she'll feel safe to open up to you with the information you seek.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> You men crack me up :rofl:
> 
> Did you ASK her why? And honestly, it's a great thing. Enjoy it.


You think she'd tell him the truth?

Watch what they do, not what they say.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Can't even use the "We're looking for Osama's DNA" excuse anymore.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

morituri said:


> Explain to her the truth that it is necessary just in case she couldn't do it anymore because of a debilitating illness or if she passed away first. Trying to sort out financial matters during any of those two scenarios is the worst of all times. Keep in mind that the delivery of your message is just as important as the message itself and so I would advise you to *calmly, quietly and respectfully* approach her with the subject. Control your anger and you'll create an emotional environment of trust where she'll feel safe to open up to you with the information you seek.


Thank you,


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Conrad said:


> You think she'd tell him the truth?


Why not? If someone asked me the question, I'd answer it. 

But then again, I can't understand being in a relationship whether neither partner gives the other oral especially for 6 yrs. 

So maybe I'm the weird one.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Conrad said:


> You think she'd tell him the truth?
> 
> Watch what they do, not what they say.


I was in to much shock and did not want to spoil the mood by asking questions!


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> ALWAYS look a gift horse in the mouth.


Exactly!! this is so out of caricature what was her motive?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

None of us are going to be able to tell you what her motive is. Only she can answer that.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm a cynic by nature. My guess is she did it to get your mind off the finances or to butter you up for something.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> I'm a cynic by nature. My guess is she did it to get your mind off the finances or to butter you up for something.


Could this be the voice of experience talking?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Could this be the voice of experience talking?


Nope. I've manipulated plenty but not with sex or bj's. You forget I married a LD man.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Who knows why? Manipulation? Insecurity? Horniness? Only she and the shadow knows.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

frustated said:


> BJ history: The first time was at year 7 when I told her I was leaving I had a suite case in hand and she did the deed while crying, I left anyway!


If a sexual encounter involves her begging, crying, and your spunk in her face or mouth, you letting her do it and then leaving anyway, it doesn't generally become addictive.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> If a sexual encounter involves her begging, crying, and your spunk in her face or mouth, you letting her do it and then leaving anyway, it doesn't generally become addictive.


You're one of the wiser ones here. Now let me clue you in on something else, this guys about as real as the tooth fairy.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Nope. I've manipulated plenty but not with sex or bj's. You forget I married a LD man.


Won't happen again


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You're one of the wiser ones here. Now let me clue you in on something else, this guys about as real as the tooth fairy.


What does this mean??


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

frustated said:


> What does this mean??


It means you are not real.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> It means you are not real.


Even scarier that men here high fived this guy. A supposed violent alcoholic who punchs holes in walls while threatening his wife, cheated on her and threatens to leave, brags that she blew him while crying and he left anyways. Yeah, that's something to whoop about. What a man.
Stunned she didn't use teeth. More stunned she didn't do what the lady in CA just did.

Dudes who piped in for this guy, turn in the card. Just do it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I am trying to understand and that is why I ask. Did you enjoy the bj she gave you while crying. What do you think about while receiving such an intimate act from your wife to avoid any emotions of compassion or empathy on your way to an orgasm. Why are bj so important to you that they over ride good judgement? 

The way I look at it if you consider what you are doing with your wife as just getting pleasure from her why not be honest and let her know that you don't love her but you just want her for sex. Then she can decide, why the deception? 

You play in to the fear of almost every married woman, to have a husband who uses her for sex while entertaining ideas of leaving. I think you will agree that it is not a fear that is totally unfounded. The responses from the male posters seems to be that you use her while you can then leave. Nice.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Stunned she didn't use teeth. More stunned she didn't do what the lady in CA just did.


So you consider that normal and acceptable female behavior?:scratchhead:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

BlackSand said:


> Cutting off junk and putting it in a garbage disposal is not something to joke about! *cringe*


What makes you think I am joking in this case. :awink:


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Even scarier that men here high fived this guy. A supposed violent alcoholic who punchs holes in walls while threatening his wife, cheated on her and threatens to leave, brags that she blew him while crying and he left anyways. Yeah, that's something to whoop about. What a man.
> Stunned she didn't use teeth. More stunned she didn't do what the lady in CA just did.
> 
> Dudes who piped in for this guy, turn in the card. Just do it.


Not real here,
I am not here to argue with women, I'm here for help and advice and I have no reason to brag. Perhaps if you were a "Man" who has been in a basically sexless marriage for 20 + years and stuck around for the kids, may be, just maybe you would cheat once, punch a wall in frustration once while she was "Not in the room", and get pleasure from beer since that's all there was to help with the years of depression. And for the record, I never threatened my wife physically!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

morituri said:


> So you consider that normal and acceptable female behavior?:scratchhead:


No, but then again I don't thinking bragging about a blowjob while your wife is crying doing it and then bailing on her anyways is acceptable male behavior. Sad that you guys did.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, but then again I don't thinking bragging about a blowjob while your wife is crying doing it and then bailing on her anyways is acceptable male behavior. Sad that you guys did.


Guys, admittedly, if you take a moment to visualize ejaculating in your wife's mouth while she is desperately afraid of your leaving, I think most of us would pause, and this was just the part that I couldn't get past. I do not mean to belittle the pain that the poster feels, and I didn't mean to start a contentious argument, but these are the types of situations that create unfixable rifts for a woman.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Halien said:


> Guys, admittedly, if you take a moment to visualize ejaculating in your wife's mouth while she is desperately afraid of your leaving, I think most of us would pause, and this was just the part that I couldn't get past. I do not mean to belittle the pain that the poster feels, and I didn't mean to start a contentious argument, but these are the types of situations that create unfixable rifts for a woman.


Truth is, when I first read this, I missed that part.

I know it's in the first paragraph. I had to read it several times before it made sense.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, but then again I don't thinking bragging about a blowjob while your wife is crying doing it and then bailing on her anyways is acceptable male behavior. Sad that you guys did.


Once again you fail to get the point! If i stated that I get bjs 6 times a day, I would consider that bragging. I gave the 2 examples of when she did it to me, to show that she only did it during "extreme stress" when our marriage was on the line. The first time I had warned her for years that sleeping in my kids bed instead of her marriage bed was unacceptable and that i would leave some day.She came home and caught me packing my bags.
She lowered herself to a place she did not want to be in order to change my mind. My mind was made up! After my examples, my question to you all was why did she do this now?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, but then again I don't thinking bragging about a blowjob while your wife is crying doing it and then bailing on her anyways is acceptable male behavior. Sad that *you *guys did.


Show me where I said that was acceptable. Otherwise don't lump me with those who said that it was.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

morituri said:


> Show me where I said that was acceptable. Otherwise don't lump me with those who said that it was.


I sincerely apologize, Mori. You kind of latched on to the finance part and skipped the part that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't even get to the finance part after reading the first part and also having previously read his earlier posts of his wife saying she is afraid of him. 
Can I get you a beer? Dress up like the St. Paulie Girl?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Apology accepted brighteyes.

Beer? Oh yeah, I'll have one, thank you. Though there is no need for you to dress up like St Pauli girl, just make sure your husband is there with us. I don't want him to get the wrong impression that I'm after his woman.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

stritle said:


> as did I.
> 
> high five shamefully retracted. apologies to any i offended.


Dude cards respectfully returned to both Conrad and Stritle. Welcome back guys.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Even scarier that men here high fived this guy. A supposed violent alcoholic who punchs holes in walls while threatening his wife, cheated on her and threatens to leave, brags that she blew him while crying and he left anyways.


He was not bragging. He was asking for help on a forum. He ****ed up large. No doubt. He needs to get un****ed up large, no doubt. Get off your high horse. Do you have anything to add here besides judging people?

Taking my pissy self and going home.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> He was not bragging. He was asking for help on a forum. He ****ed up large. No doubt. He needs to get un****ed up large, no doubt. Get off your high horse. Do you have anything to add here besides judging people?
> 
> Taking my pissy self and going home.


High horse? He isn't coming here asking how he can repair the damage he has done to his marriage, make his wife less afraid of him, control his outbursts, get treatment for his alcohol addiction or find ways to be a better man. He came here to ask how he can get more blowjobs. 
His wife literally told him that her dealbreaker is his drinking and he hasn't stopped at all. Why on Earth would she want anything sexual to do with him if he isn't honoring her wish to live in a home devoid of an alcoholic and in fear?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

frustated said:


> Once again you fail to get the point! If i stated that I get bjs 6 times a day, I would consider that bragging. I gave the 2 examples of when she did it to me, to show that she only did it during "extreme stress" when our marriage was on the line. The first time I had warned her for years that sleeping in my kids bed instead of her marriage bed was unacceptable and that i would leave some day.She came home and caught me packing my bags.
> She lowered herself to a place she did not want to be in order to change my mind. My mind was made up! After my examples, my question to you all was why did she do this now?


I'll admit that I'm often naive about people's intentions, but it seems that the past has taught her that BJ's are the language you understand. Doesn't even have to be manipulative as much as the simple desire to show appreciation for the hardship of getting the money for a final year of college for the daughter. Really, its not fair to make her responsible for making the money appear if she is not the cheif contributor of finances anyway.

The problem is that this could still be an area where she does this as part of a sense of responsibility, and you have to keep working to get it to the place where she does it because it is something that she wants to do. You've begun the manning up journey, and another step presents itself. Ask her 'how much money does our daughter need?' and be deliriously happy to get the money, and you you might be surprised how far that gets you.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Halien said:


> If a sexual encounter involves her begging, crying, and your spunk in her face or mouth, you letting her do it and then leaving anyway, it doesn't generally become addictive.


:iagree: That was one of the worst things I have read here.


If the man I loved used me like that I really can't describe how bad that would make me feel inside. 

I am disgusted.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Mystery solved, I asked her why she did it, She said that she noticed on my credit card bill that I had purchased a self help book for alcoholism. Thank you very much MOM6547 for helping me out with the recommendation and not just judging people for a 2 minute incident that happened 15 years ago? I still have to donate $25,000.000 for school i think that was part of it too.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

She needs 25gs


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Not judging here cause i don't know enough about the situation but when my wife cry's it breaks my heart. There is no way I could allow her to blow me while she was crying. I don't think I could even get it up.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Just saying ... it took 17 years of marriage before she would go down there. For a year. Then it stopped. I asked her why. She said "Oh I haven't been doing that" Whatever?

Good you got it going ...


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