# Do all men fantasize women other then their wife?



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?

Only fair right?


----------



## richie33

I can't speak for all men but I can't remember fantasizing about a specific woman. Do I see a attractive woman and notices...yes but its out of my mind seconds later. But if my wife did fantasize about other men I wouldn't know. 
But it would certainty be fair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hicks

Of course not.

If one person puts the family into $20,000 in debt, is it fair for the other person to put the family into $40,000 in debt?

Marriages are not wars that need to be won.


----------



## Open up now let it all go

Yes I do and yes my partner fantasizes about others. I don't really know to what extent but that's irrelevant. I don't really fantasize about people I know IRL and I know my partner would have trouble with that. But it's no desire of me anyway.


----------



## ocotillo

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?
> 
> Only fair right?


I don't intentionally fantasize about other women, but like all men, a provocative image or tableau might pop back into my mind several times after I've seen it. 

The only thing that would make me uncomfortable where my wife is concerned is if the fantasy was a real person she knew.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Hicks said:


> Of course not.
> 
> If one person puts the family into $20,000 in debt, is it fair for the other person to put the family into $40,000 in debt?
> 
> Marriages are not wars that need to be won.


I'm not talking about money or financial situations. I'm only talking about fantasies, especially during masturbation acts. Just thoughts, that's all.

I think it's fair if a man is masturbating thinking of someone other then his wife and his wife masturbating thinking of someone other then her husband.

I keep hearing over and over that men like to fantasize of many other women. Do these men think its okay for their wife to do the same? I sure think so.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Also, these men that look at porn. How do they feel if their wives look at porn themselves? Alone in their own time and not together.


----------



## norajane

I don't think anyone can tell you what to think or not think about while masturbating. It's YOUR mind.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

norajane said:


> I don't think anyone can tell you what to think or not think about while masturbating. It's YOUR mind.


I agree.

I wonder if men get jealous if their wives are thinking of other men. Yet, they think of other women.

I'm curious, that's all.


----------



## Open up now let it all go

I'm not using porn at the moment but I wouldn't have a problem with my girlfriend using porn if she wanted to by herself. I would do so myself if it weren't for her. In fact, I'd rather have her watching by herself that then together. It would be rather awkward considering the issues she has had with the fact I like porn. On top of that what the hell are we supposed to be watching?

EDIT: I get the feeling you're specifically looking for those guys that have a huge double standard when it comes to this issue.


----------



## east2west

I consider fantasies to be about situations and acts, not about individuals per se. Angelina Jolie is not a fantasy. Receiving a blowjob is a fantasy. Individuals, girls in porn, those are just like lego pieces that plug into the fantasies.


----------



## ocotillo

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I wonder if men get jealous if their wives are thinking of other men. Yet, they think of other women.


I think it might get into a perceptual difference over what constitutes 'Another woman' or 'Another man.'

I don't think an 'imaginary friend' qualifies. There's nothing to be jealous of.


----------



## Cosmos

My response to this is, if we do, is it necessary for us to tell one another? If so, why? How can this possibly be helpful to a close, loving relationship? 

We can't always control our thoughts, and I see absolutely no benefit in divulging such thoughts to our partners. If I do have the occasional brief, unsolicited erotic thought about another man, it certainly isn't something that my partner needs to know about.

Edited to add: I think actively seeking out material to stimulate fantasies is a whole new ball game, and this is where couples can run into problems. If one party is openly masturbating _whilst viewing images_, it's very difficult for the other party to not know what those fantasies are. Their fantasies have then become a more 'tangible' part of the relationship itself, and many won't feel comfortable with this.


----------



## cub!chy

I would guess that most men do, however i know that i do.But not always, if i see a really hot woman then yes, but it tends not to happen with women i know. I think its natural for men, we are very sexual beings, it doesnt mean we will act, its just fantasy. I dont watch porn often, but have and soemtimes do with my wife. She can watch all the porn that she wants, i have no issues and i know she fantasaises about other men, again i have no issues. Sometimes she will tell me these fanatasies and i will incorporate into our bedroom play. We have been 13 years together. Its good to know all the naughty stuff in your partners mind.:smthumbup:


----------



## youkiddingme

There are two kinds of men: 1. those that fantasize about women and 2. those that lie about it.


----------



## soniaBliss

Women or men we are all the same creatures. We all have needs and wants. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. I think it's quite alright during sex with your partner if you choose to think of another person (keeping in mind how you are fantasying about) after all it's just a fantasy. As long as you don't act on it. Remember the mind is a power tool so try not to think about someone how you don't want back in your life.


----------



## Open up now let it all go

The one moment i hope she's not fantasizing about someone else is during sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 45188

Meh.. Fantasies lead to curiosity.. Then what? Thats why so many porn sites have MEET ME's and theres some site called ************* thats just so you can CHEAT on your SO..

Oh and according to stats 72% of men said they'd cheat if they could get away with it.
68% of women.


----------



## WyshIknew

soniaBliss said:


> Women or men we are all the same creatures. We all have needs and wants. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. I think it's quite alright during sex with your partner if you choose to think of another person (keeping in mind how you are fantasying about) after all it's just a fantasy. As long as you don't act on it. Remember the mind is a power tool so try not to think about someone how you don't want back in your life.


I must be weird because when I make love to my wife I am so lost in the moment with her I couldn't fantasise about anyone else.
But on the rare occasions that I do masturbate I can't remember ever thinking of her. I am always fantasising about someone else. Isn't that strange:scratchhead, I wonder why this is?

I would have never thought about that without this thread.


----------



## 45188

Well OP I also wanna let you know my female friend says every single one of her female friends talks and fantasizes about other guys WHILE having sex with their husbands.


----------



## WyshIknew

kipani said:


> Well OP I also wanna let you know my female friend says every single one of her female friends talks and fantasizes about other guys WHILE having sex with their husbands.


Oh wow! Really?


I can't imagine that. I hope my wife doesn't do this.

I want to be the one that rocks her world.

I'll ask her tomorrow.


----------



## ocotillo

kipani said:


> Well OP I also wanna let you know my female friend says every single one of her female friends talks and fantasizes about other guys WHILE having sex with their husbands.


If my wife wants to fantasize about Chris Hemsworth when we do it, I say more power to her.


----------



## gbrad

I know I fantasize about other women. When I am alone and when I am having sex with my wife. Sometimes it is just thinking about them at random times. My wife on the other hand has said that she doesn't think about other men that way. I think it is odd that she doesn't, I wish she would.


----------



## RandomDude

> My wife on the other hand has said that she doesn't think about other men that way. I think it is odd that she doesn't, I wish she would.


She lies 
Hehe just kidding mate 

Anyways on topic my wife knows I fantasise from time to time and I know she does too, she just doesn't let me in on it, which is smart, I don't really want to know lol

It's how we deal with these attractions is what is important in my opinion. During the early days of our relationship I found my eye wandering more often, even ended up with crushes that robbed me of my desire for my wife for a few hours up to a day. As years passed however I learnt how to prevent these attractions from being crushes, it's not just restraint but control. I make up turn-offs for example, or I simply think about my wife and how she's so much better, or both... E.G.:

"Nice legs, but my wife's are better, longer, smoother, and she knows how to use them"
"Nice tits, but my wifes' breasts are better, damn now where's my wife..."
"Nice ass, but hell you don't know how to move it like my wife"

Etc etc. After a while the crushes cease to happen.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Lena Olin
Juliette Binoche
Sherilyn Fenn

to name three.


----------



## gbrad

RandomDude said:


> She lies
> Hehe just kidding mate
> 
> 
> 
> "Nice legs, but my wife's are better, longer, smoother, and she knows how to use them"
> "Nice tits, but my wifes' breasts are better, damn now where's my wife..."
> "Nice ass, but hell you don't know how to move it like my wife"
> 
> Etc etc. After a while the crushes cease to happen.


The problem lies in when those thoughts aren't true.


----------



## RandomDude

gbrad said:


> The problem lies in when those thoughts aren't true.


Then base those examples on what is true and what you find attractive about your wife


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

michzz said:


> I think it is fair but incredibly tone deaf for either party to reveal such things.
> 
> Keep it private.


I agree.


----------



## 2ntnuf

Truly, I do not remember fantasizing about another woman while having sex with my wife. I don't think she would have believed that since many times I had my eyes closed. 

It's really sad to say, but I actually was thinking of things I wanted to do with her that I was afraid to openly speak about. I guess it was a lack of trust. I sure it was. So I was fantasizing about gettin' down an dirty with the woman I loved. What a shame. What a shame...What a waste.


----------



## Rags

Most people fantasize some of the time. Some more than others.

I like to hear my wife's fantasies (not that she has all that many) because I like to know what arouses her, what I can do to make sex good for her, when she's turned on, etc.

Sometimes she'll ask me which of our female acquaintencies I find attractive - and I'll reply honestly (there aren't all that many - my wife is more lovely than the vast majority of women - if I'm biased, so what?)

There is another couple we know that we both find attractive - we joke (privately, not with them) that if we were to do a swap, they'd be our choice. We're not going to - fantasies are often best left as just that.

Sharing fantasies is part of our open communication, and it keeps us close ... and hot!


----------



## Ano

We cant exactly pick and choose what or who we fantasize about. It kind of just comes naturally.

I've thought about and even dreamed about other men. Would I ever act on my thoughts and dreams? Absolutely not.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

norajane said:


> I don't think anyone can tell you what to think or not think about while masturbating. It's YOUR mind.


I agree. I have never asked my wife, but I assume that she has fantasized about others at times. She is human, as am I, so that is okay.

I have two personal rules:

1. Don't fantasize about people I know or run into in the real world.

2. Never fantisize about others during sex with my wife. That one is easy, because I have never needed to, but I refuse to even go there.


----------



## ATC529R

youkiddingme said:


> There are two kinds of men: 1. those that fantasize about women and 2. those that lie about it.


I guess that depends on what you classify as fantasizing.

porn- I do not consider that fantasy. just a quick relief. - so my answer is no

thinking about someone else during sex- yes, thats fantasizing and a no no. I did it a few times, but have not found myself doing it for a long time. I think the bond matures and it's more about making love now.

having fantasies about people you never met? - no, never even wanted to- guess I'm boring

spank bank material from previous sex- yes, but again...those memories have died out i guess or maybe just don't do it for me anymore.

so, my anwer is no, I don't fantasize, although I may have some in the past.

but yes, I would have a big problem with my wife fantasizing about someone/thing else during sex.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

I'm not going to make blanket statements about "men do this and women do that".

I can speak for myself AND my wife, because we're open and mature like that 

For me, I NEVER fantasize DURING sex because I like to focus . I'm very visual and if my wife is giving me a BJ, I'd rather watch her work (live porn beats video porn by a mile). NOW for the not during sex times when you day dream, my fantasies revolve 75% about sexual acts, like thinking of different things I'd like to do to my wife, 20% thinking about what we've done and maybe 5% on other women. I definitely appreciate other women's beauty, but I almost never think of them actually DOING something sexual.

For my wife, she always is picturing things when I'm making her orgasm. She's like me, MOST of her fantasies in her mind focus on things we've done or picturing things she'd imagine us doing. I won't assign a percentage because I never counted LOL. I'd say 3/4s is that way and 1/4 she fantasies about other guys and activities. I don't care because mind movies help her get off. I'd only be bothered if she became obsessed about 1 particular person, or if she was fantasizing about a live person, versus movie start type thing. Neither of us fantasize about actual people we know, that can lead to unhealthy things and we both agree on it (PS that was from my wife because I made that mistake first by having a fantasy about my massage therapist once....never went back to that masseuse and won't do that again LOL) and no my wife didn't get mad, she was very logical about it and brought up, "Do you think that could lead to something bad?" I had to say yes so we both watch that part of our fantasy life.

I love my wife, she's an amazing, logical and mature woman. I'm incredibly lucky. What fantasies she has are things I want to be part of, not inhibit. She was reading a steamy novel, so I crawled under the sheets and performed oral on her while she was reading (I kept it light so as not to make her close her eyes TOO quickly LOL). I've also read excerpts of steamy books to her while her performing oral on me. I can tell when a scene strikes her...her suction increases a lot LOL.

There's NOTHING wrong with fantasies, and they're not an issue along gender lines. PEOPLE have fantasies and should not just allow but also promote them. Just be mature about them and have HEALTHY ones, not unhealthy.


----------



## WyshIknew

kipani said:


> Well OP I also wanna let you know my female friend says every single one of her female friends talks and fantasizes about other guys WHILE having sex with their husbands.





WyshIknew said:


> Oh wow! Really?
> 
> 
> I can't imagine that. I hope my wife doesn't do this.
> 
> I want to be the one that rocks her world.
> 
> I'll ask her tomorrow.



Well I asked.

I'm not so naive as to think she wouldn't lie to protect my ego but she is generally quite open and forthright about these things.
When making love, no. Especially with lights on or daytime sex because she likes to watch me.

Masturbation also no. She views it as purely mechanical, a physical release. She can still remain horny for a mental release and will save that up for when I return home.

She will actually text or phone me while I am away on a course or stuck at work to let me know that she is having to use x or y but wishes it was my ****


----------



## lovelygirl

I don't know what's the point of fantasizing about someone else when the one you want is right there with you.


----------



## Stonewall

Ok by me!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?
> 
> Only fair right?


I very very rarely ever have a fantasy any women I know... and when I have, its been in a dream or something... not a conscious activity.

I enjoy looking at beautiful women. I enjoy seeing beautiful women naked... but I never actively fantasized that they replace the woman I'm with.

Doesn't really matter to me what someone I'm with fantasizes about. If it were a fantasy about someone I know personally, I'd rather not hear about it assuming she's faithful. If its something I can participate in or help fulfill, by all means I'm all ears. Otherwise our thoughts still belong to ourselves.


----------



## opensesame

I honestly can't imagine what sort of a person doesn't fantasize about people other than their spouse from time to time. That just seems incredible to me.


----------



## gbrad

lovelygirl said:


> I don't know what's the point of fantasizing about someone else when the one you want is right there with you.


Because they are not always the one you want, just the one you have.


----------



## gbrad

opensesame said:


> I honestly can't imagine what sort of a person doesn't fantasize about people other than their spouse from time to time. That just seems incredible to me.


I agree that time to time is perfectly acceptable. The fact that I do it very often, as in an average of 4 or 5 times a week; probably not so good.


----------



## RClawson

Runs like Dog said:


> Lena Olin
> Juliette Binoche
> Sherilyn Fenn
> 
> to name three.


That is some good stuff right there. I do not have an active fantasy mind like I used to but I do fantasize about my wife all the time. The cool thing about it is I can make many of those fantasies become true.

I know for a fact she gets all lathered up over Daniel Craig, George Clooney and Denzel. I honestly wish I did not know about who she gets twitterpated over.


----------



## Open up now let it all go

gbrad said:


> I agree that time to time is perfectly acceptable. The fact that I do it very often, as in an average of 4 or 5 times a week; probably not so good.


How did you come to that conclusion? I find it pretty hard to make a quantitative statement on how much fantasies are good or not good... I have a particularly active imagination, always had, and I fantasize waaayyyy more then that (sexually or not). That's where a lot of my creativitiy comes from (written a book, make music, 3d map designing etc).


----------



## SoulMeetsBody

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?
> 
> Only fair right?


Yea I think that logic is a little flawed in terms of a relationship. Think of it more along the lines of we are humans, and we have impulses, instincts, and desires that aren't always easily controlled.

To answer the title question though... I do, yes. I think fantasize is a little too bloated though. I'd call it more of a fleeting thought.


----------



## ocotillo

lovelygirl said:


> I don't know what's the point of fantasizing about someone else when the one you want is right there with you.


I think some people see a huge, huge difference between the physical body and the soul, spirit, psyche, whatever we want to call it. 

It's a difference of perspective my wife and I have discussed without ever reaching an understanding.

I stumbled across some video I shot of my wife decades ago in the very earliest days of camcorders. It was nothing naughty, just a few minutes of her brushing that amazing head of hair she had before she cut it all off  

To say that I was ecstatic to see the clock rolled back 25+ years was an understatement. But she was not entirely happy about it and I'm sorry I even showed her.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

kipani said:


> Well OP I also wanna let you know my female friend says every single one of her female friends talks and fantasizes about other guys WHILE having sex with their husbands.


I asked this of several women I get and give pretty straight advice from/to; 2 married, 1 taken, 1 single; and NONE of them do this. In fact, they were all pretty grossed out by the idea.

They all said they like to admire a nice body and talk a big game, but the critical "gross" factor seemed to be the idea of having sex with someone they don't really know... even if it's David Beckham.


----------



## gbrad

Open up now let it all go said:


> How did you come to that conclusion? I find it pretty hard to make a quantitative statement on how much fantasies are good or not good... I have a particularly active imagination, always had, and I fantasize waaayyyy more then that (sexually or not). That's where a lot of my creativitiy comes from (written a book, make music, 3d map designing etc).


I was saying that I fantasize 4 or 5 times a week about being with another woman. I don't think that is particularly beneficial to my marriage. I believe it is a bad sign for the marriage.


----------



## jenniferlawerence

my husband lied to me for a year and told me that he never checks out another women bc he says it is disrespectful to women and me. A year later he admitted to noticing when other women are attractive. is there a difference between noticing and checking out? he continues to say that he was lying about admitting it and said it to make me happy... then on some days he says he was being completely honest. he also says he doesn't think about other women in bed or fantasizes about them. should I believe him? I know for a fact that the thought of another man in that way or even being attractive never crosses my mind. porn stars, celebrities on movies, tv, and magazines have photo shop, good lighting, best of the best makeup artists, and plastic surgery on their side. do guys know that their eye candy is an illusion? guys like big butts and boobs but even real women use enhancements... push up bras, butt pads in the lining of their pants.... Im not blowing my own horn but im a thin petite woman with curves... I don't need enhancements... WHY DONT GIRLS APPRECIATE GIRLS LIKE ME LIKE THEY DO CELEBRITIES? if I was a guy and knew all the tricks that women use for enhancements... I would be turned off by any women who used it... like megan fox... WHY CANT NATURAL AND BARE BE THE NEW SEXY? why can't men love their women the way they are and not lust over other women? I don't want to point fingers but I believe men are the spines to why women become insecure about themselves. I know for a fact that I was not as insecure when I was single. WOMEN WOULD NEVER FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO COMPARE THEMSELVES IF MEN NEVER LUSTED OVER OTHER WOMEN. IS THERE ANY SUCH MAN OUT THERE LIKE THAT?


----------



## richie33

Did you think when you got married your husband was only going to look at you? That if he has a fantasy it would only be of you? Sorry but that is very controlling!!!


----------



## moxy

I don't think there's a problem with fantasizing, in general. Keeping your mind excited and varied is good. 

When that crosses over into acting on fantasies with someone else, breaking vows, or interferes with the marriage like an addiction might, then there's a problem.

I'm certain my h fantasizes about others and that didn't bother me; I did so occasionally, but 98% of the time, my fantasies came from specific desire and involved H. DDay changed that.

This is an interesting question. "Eyes Wide Shut" revolves around it, thematically, I think.


----------



## jenniferlawerence

I actually just read an article that a man posted to; he said that he found his soulmate, has been married for 25 years; he has never once lusted over another women; he only has eyes for her, he only craves for her beauty. This man gives hope to me. another woman wrote that she will never accept that men have wandering eyes despite whether or not it is programmed in them because it is wrong and hurtful. I agree.


----------



## jenniferlawerence

richie33 said:


> Did you think when you got married your husband was only going to look at you? That if he has a fantasy it would only be of you? Sorry but that is very controlling!!!


yes actually because I believed him when he voluntarily said "ever since I met u i havnt noticed another woman. you are the most beautiful woman in the world."


----------



## Tall Average Guy

jenniferlawerence said:


> I know for a fact that the thought of another man in that way or even being attractive never crosses my mind.


So its your position that you have never looked at another man and commented to yourself that he is a good looking guy? I find that hard to believe.

The rest of your post seems to indicate that if your husband loved you, he would not consider any other women pretty or attractive at all. I am not talking about fantasizing, I mean just noticing that others are attractive. If true, that is a high bar that very, very few people (men or women) can clear.


----------



## jenniferlawerence

Tall Average Guy said:


> So its your position that you have never looked at another man and commented to yourself that he is a good looking guy? I find that hard to believe.
> 
> The rest of your post seems to indicate that if your husband loved you, he would not consider any other women pretty or attractive at all. I am not talking about fantasizing, I mean just noticing that others are attractive. If true, that is a high bar that very, very few people (men or women) can clear.


if i thought of guys like all guys thought of women when they see one... i would see no problem with noticing another man attractive. but i don't, which is why i believe noticing is a choice.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

jenniferlawerence said:


> if i thought of guys like all guys thought of women when they see one... i would see no problem with noticing another man attractive. but i don't, which is why i believe noticing is a choice.


I am not asking if you think of guys like guys think of women. Don't put words into my post.

Any you did not answer my question. It is a very simple one. Have you ever met another guy that you noticed was attractive? Not fantasized about, or thought how hot he was, or anything else, just that he was attractive?


----------



## jenniferlawerence

Tall Average Guy said:


> I am not asking if you think of guys like guys think of women. Don't put words into my post.
> 
> Any you did not answer my question. It is a very simple one. Have you ever met another guy that you noticed was attractive? Not fantasized about, or thought how hot he was, or anything else, just that he was attractive?


that's what I meant when... I do not notice another guy is attractive when I see one.


----------



## Code-Welder

jenniferlawerence said:


> if i thought of guys like all guys thought of women when they see one... i would see no problem with noticing another man attractive. but i don't, which is why i believe noticing is a choice.


I think it is normal and healthy to notice, it is what you do after you notice. My wife often saw me looking at well built women as I often saw her looking at a handsome well built guy. There is nothing wrong with looking.

But I never fantasized about other women either alone or with my wife. I felt enough trust with my wife for the last 20 years and I believe she felt the same way. I think it comes down to self assurance and trust with your partner.


----------



## richie33

That's your choice. You would rather he keep lying to you?
The article you read said he never lusted over another person in 25 years.
But did he said he never found another human being attractive? 
Lusting over someone and noticing another's beauty two totally different things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jenniferlawerence

no i don't want him to keep lying. i encourage him to be honest with him since that's all i want is for him to admit it to me. if he ddnt lie it would make things a little better for me... it would hurt less.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

I don't know that I necessarily fantasize. I'll notice a woman I think is hot and wonder what she's like in bed but I don't imagine some detailed scenario in my head of how I would have sex with her. 

If my partner fantasized about other men and it got her aroused it wouldn't bother me. It would only be a problem if she repeatedly made a point of telling me she was fantasizing about a particular individual.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

jenniferlawerence said:


> that's what I meant when... I do not notice another guy is attractive when I see one.


Interesting. If you say so. Do you notice if other women are attractive? Not sexually or any other way, but just as a factual matter?

Also, does this mean that you believe that if he loved you, he would never notice if another woman was attractive?


----------



## Cosmos

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't know that I necessarily fantasize. I'll notice a woman I think is hot and wonder what she's like in bed but I don't imagine some detailed scenario in my head of how I would have sex with her.
> 
> If my partner fantasized about other men and it got her aroused it wouldn't bother me. It would only be a problem if she repeatedly made a point of telling me she was fantasizing about a particular individual.


Exactly. 

We all notice attractive people. It's when people verbalize these things or rubber neck in front of their partners that there is a problem.


----------



## gbrad

jenniferlawerence said:


> that's what I meant when... I do not notice another guy is attractive when I see one.


To me that is kind of sad. People are just like anything else in nature. They are created and some of natures are beautiful, some are just okay, and some not as much. To me, simply noticing that another person is attractive, is like noticing a pretty sunset. Just appreciating God's great creations.


----------



## Wiserforit

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?


Yes, of course. 



> Only fair right?



It has nothing to do with tit-for-tat. That's a bad way to view marriage.

I don't care if she fantasizes about donkeys and bigfoot. I'm here to stoke those fires and make her explode in a fireball of sweet juicy cream pie. 

As it so happens she fantasizes about me doing other girls. And she likes me to talk her through a scenario while she "watches". I would never do such a thing for real. It doesn't trip my trigger.


----------



## Wiserforit

richie33 said:


> Did you think when you got married your husband was only going to look at you? That if he has a fantasy it would only be of you? Sorry but that is very controlling!!!


Self-esteem problem too. So what if he likes someone else's cooking too. Or admires their art. This obsessive selfishness can be extended to every corner of our lives. 

Mind control. An ego so shallow as to not permit pleasant thoughts except for those related to the spouse.


----------



## Coffee Amore

jenniferlawerence said:


> that's what I meant when... I do not notice another guy is attractive when I see one.


Really?

You don't notice how unattractive or fat someone is either? So ALL men look the same to you. It sounds like that's what you're saying. I'm not being sarcastic, but I just don't see how you don't notice if some man is attractive. Maybe if a person had a severe visual impairment they might not notice a good looking man, but I think most people do. 

I'm a woman and I notice when someone is short, tall, fat, fit, old, young, attractive, unattractive. Your brain notices those things as soon as your eyes land on them. 

I get the feeling you think that if you notice another man is attractive you're not being loyal to your partner. But that's not it at all. You don't have to be attracted to another person to notice they're attractive. It's also not disloyal to notice another man is attractive.


----------



## Wiserforit

Coffee Amore said:


> Really?
> 
> You don't notice how unattractive or fat someone is either?


Of course she does. If she had to describe someone to the police for a homicide investigation she'd be able to choose between "attractive" and "ugly".

This is part of the denial complex of people who have unreasonable expectations of others: hypocrisy of the first rank. It demonstrates that they know themselves their expectations are unreasonable.


----------



## hrhubandstuff

There's a wide variety of honest answers here, and to that I'll add my own. Ever since I met my wife, and certainly since I've married my wife, I've never fantasized about anyone other than my wife. I picture her reactions to pleasure, how she'd look in all sorts of ridiculous outfits, her in a variety of submissive and dominant scenarios, etc. Sometimes it's a remembering of past times, sometimes it's a fantasy of unfulfilled fantasies, but it's always always my wife, and she's always turned on and satisfied in these fantasies.
The fundamental reason for sex in a marriage is to bond husband and wife together, and the things you do, both alone in your head and together in your bed, can strengthen your marriage or lead you apart. And so I do believe it is dangerous, divisive, and ultimately sad if spouses choose to fantasize about others, both when alone, and especially when actually engaged in sexual relations with each other. Maybe you are not satisfied with your spouse right now, but in that case, at the very least, give them the opportunity to be your all and your everything in your fantasies.
As for that ongoing discussion about men not even *noticing* other pretty women, I can believe that, even if I can't see how it's possible. ;-) We can control our fantasies, but our eyes, that's rather more impossible.


----------



## richie33

Isn't Jennifer Lawrence the new "it" girl in Hollywood? Her screen name is the same.
I am sure she didn't chose it cause the actress is ugly. I am sure notice attractive people...male or female.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NewHubs

MaritimeGuy said:


> I don't know that I necessarily fantasize. I'll notice a woman I think is hot and wonder what she's like in bed but I don't imagine some detailed scenario in my head of how I would have sex with her.


I am guilty of doing this...it doesn't happen often which is why I don't see it as a bad, unhealthy thing. My marriage is strong and I love my wife but as any red blooded guy you tend to let your mind wonder. For instance, there is this girl from corporate who comes to our office to do audits. She is extremely attractive with blue green eyes and long legs to die for. I always wonder what she's like in bed. Ironically, I had sex with my wife the same day this chick was in our office. As mentioned I was having sex with my wife and we were finishing in the missionary position. Yes, I did fantasize about having sex with the office chick as I was having my orgasm. 

Once I was done I didn't think about it again. The though was out of my system. Did I feel a little guilt? Yes but like like I said earlier it doesn't happen often and it doesn't take away from me enjoying sex with my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jenniferlawerence

Tall Average Guy said:


> Interesting. If you say so. Do you notice if other women are attractive? Not sexually or any other way, but just as a factual matter?
> 
> Also, does this mean that you believe that if he loved you, he would never notice if another woman was attractive?


I do notice when a woman is attractive. But for some reason, I do not find other men attractive... I notice if they're unattractive, fat, or old. I think psychologically I don't allow myself to notice other men because of my own definition of loyalty and respect.


----------



## jenniferlawerence

Jennifer lawerence has a weird face.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

jenniferlawerence said:


> I do notice when a woman is attractive. But for some reason, I do not find other men attractive... I notice if they're unattractive, fat, or old. I think psychologically I don't allow myself to notice other men because of my own definition of loyalty and respect.


By definition, if you notice is someone is unattractive, you notice if others are attractive. I think you are fooling yourself so you can demand from your SO something that is not attainable.


----------



## anotherguy

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?
> 
> Only fair right?



Only fair? OK. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

I am not threatened one iota about any fantasies my wife may indulge in. Everyone has their own little fantasies... everyone with a heartbeat that is.


----------



## JCD

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> For the men that do.... Is it okay for your wife to fantasize of other men?
> 
> Only fair right?


This seems like a sh*t test question. Does this dress make my ass look fat? What do you think of my father? Tell me your fantasies...

So a guy tells her a fantasy and surprise surprise, it DOESN'T necessarily star Herself.

And BOY, what a craptastic conversation THAT starts!

So...what exactly is accomplished?

She's hurt.

She takes it out on HIM.

He is taught to either a) lie or b) be less open.

She wonders why the hell he isn't forthcoming to her (DUH!)

Now she's insecure and she watchs HIM looking at other girls. And the universe will conspire that occasionally, he WILL see a girl who is better looking than Herself...and where does that lead her mind?

And so it goes.

Girls: Don't ask questions unless you are ready and willing to MATURELY deal with answers you might not like.

Examples: Do you fantasize about other women?

Is she prettier than I am?

If I were dead, would you have sex with her?

Do you think X is fooling around?


----------



## Omgitsjoe

It's only human nature for us to fantasize about someone else ...... though in the Catholic religion it is of course still Adultery =(

I must admit though I may be in the rare few husband who often does fanatsize about his Mrs ........ which I often honestly do. She has learned how to be very sexy and keep me intrigued where if I were to masturbate I would without a doubt be thinking of her ahem ahem !! 

I guess all the naughty things she does and the sexy pictures she allows me to take of her are all the cause of this and hey it only shows how smart she is nooo wink ??


----------



## Wiltshireman

As a teenager / young man I would often fantasize about the beutiful women I saw on the TV, Linda Crawford / Jonna Lumly / Wendy Craig and in the same way I know my wife "loved" Mike Hucknall / David Hasselhoff. No harm done there I think most would agree.
I think fantazies only become a problem if you are having them about the people you actualy see / meet on a regular basis (a fantacy about the Sugarbabes is one thing about your wife's younger sister is just wrong).


----------



## Omegaa

jenniferlawerence said:


> my husband lied to me for a year and told me that he never checks out another women bc he says it is disrespectful to women and me. A year later he admitted to noticing when other women are attractive. is there a difference between noticing and checking out? he continues to say that he was lying about admitting it and said it to make me happy...


Men (including both married and single) do notice attractive women in the street, in shops, at his work place or anywhere he happens to be. They just do. I would be shocked if their wives never noticed their husband ogling at the feminine curves or large breasts of an attractive women at some point (or from time to time). I cannot be sure if married men would do this more often than single men. 



jenniferlawerence said:


> do guys know that their eye candy is an illusion? guys like big butts and boobs but even real women use enhancements... push up bras, butt pads in the lining of their pants.... Im not blowing my own horn but im a thin petite woman with curves... I don't need enhancements... WHY DONT GIRLS APPRECIATE GIRLS LIKE ME LIKE THEY DO CELEBRITIES? if I was a guy and knew all the tricks that women use for enhancements... I would be turned off by any women who used it... like megan fox... WHY CANT NATURAL AND BARE BE THE NEW SEXY? why can't men love their women the way they are and not lust over other women?


They just do, I think. Men are not necessarily restricted to what "you/women" would like, it seems. If his wife is petite then it could be that he may be drawn to a more voluptuous, bigger type sexually. Enhancement? I bet that won't be any issue to most men. Some probably love that, to be honest. It may not be your cup of tea but that doesn't mean it will not be for men in my observation...





jenniferlawerence said:


> I don't want to point fingers but* I believe men are the spines to why women become insecure about themselves.* I know for a fact that I was not as insecure when I was single. WOMEN WOULD NEVER FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO COMPARE THEMSELVES IF MEN NEVER LUSTED OVER OTHER WOMEN. IS THERE ANY SUCH MAN OUT THERE LIKE THAT?


I think that is exactly what this thread is about, to my mind.
Mine (h) said once that he sees beauty in all shapes and forms e.g fat, skinny, in all colours etc. 

What he was saying was that sexually, various types of women can be sexy to his eyes. And that's just the way it seems to be. 

I personally don't think that is unusual amongst men generally. After all, this is built in his evolutionary process e.g. procreation. If he was interested in one limited type sexually, the species would go extinct whilst women was simply able to stay passive looking after offsprings.


----------



## Omegaa

JCD said:


> Now she's insecure and she watchs HIM looking at other girls. And the universe will conspire that occasionally, he WILL see a girl who is better looking than Herself...and where does that lead her mind?
> 
> Girls: Don't ask questions unless you are ready and willing to MATURELY deal with answers you might not like.
> 
> Examples: Do you fantasize about other women?
> 
> Is she prettier than I am?
> 
> *If I were dead, would you have sex with her?*


I think this is partly why more men can have long-standing Affair(s) without any sort of emotional attachment.

He may be attached to his wife emotionally and there's long lasting attraction between him and his wife. That doesn't mean, he will be totally blind to attractive women he notices.

Should his wife be insecure over this? Yes or no?


----------



## Wiltshireman

Cosmos said:


> Exactly.
> 
> We all notice attractive people. It's when people verbalize these things or rubber neck in front of their partners that there is a problem.


I made this mistake only once and many years ago.
We had been married just over 3 years and had two little girls, we where on a family shopping trip and I was proudly pushing the pram. As it was a warm sunny day lots of people were dressed in shorts / t-shirts or less. A girl in her late teens / early twenties (I guess) wearing a very short skirt and a bikini top droped her purse infront of us and then bent down to pick it up showing the whole of the high street the little bit of dental floss she was using as under-wear.
I could not help my self, I was transfixed, so much so that I bumped the pram into a litter bin. Needless to say I got the sharp side of my wifes tounge. We both laugh about it now.


----------



## Hardtohandle

I honestly never did. 

Matter of fact when me and my wife were making love, there were times I was like holy **** look at her. She was a sensual women.


----------



## Omegaa

Hardtohandle said:


> I honestly never did.
> 
> Matter of fact when me and my wife were making love, there were times I was like holy **** look at her. She was a sensual women.


She *was*? Are you still with Her?


----------



## Omegaa

Wiltshireman said:


> I made this mistake only once and many years ago.
> 
> We had been married just over 3 years and had two little girls, we where on a family shopping trip and I was proudly pushing the pram. As it was a warm sunny day lots of people were dressed in shorts / t-shirts or less. A girl in her late teens / early twenties (I guess) wearing a very short skirt and a bikini top droped her purse infront of us and then bent down to pick it up showing the whole of the high street the little bit of dental floss she was using as under-wear.
> I could not help my self, I was transfixed, so much so that I bumped the pram into a litter bin. Needless to say I got the sharp side of my wifes tounge. We both laugh about it now.


Hi

That's kinda "Cute". Nothing to raise any eyebrow about if I'm honest.

Usually, women aren't talking about insecurities over risque situations with 18+ scene with "dental floss". :rofl:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Omegaa said:


> I think this is partly why more men can have long-standing Affair(s) without any sort of emotional attachment.
> 
> He may be attached to his wife emotionally and there's long lasting attraction between him and his wife. That doesn't mean, he will be totally blind to attractive women he notices.
> 
> Should his wife be insecure over this? Yes or no?


No. Finding someone else attractive doesn't mean we're on the prowl.

You can get turned on by seeing a hot woman and not have ANY desire to cheat.


----------



## I Notice The Details

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> No. Finding someone else attractive doesn't mean we're on the prowl.
> 
> You can get turned on by seeing a hot woman and not have ANY desire to cheat.


Very true....have you seen Elizabeth Hasselbeck? Damn!!!!!!!!!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

What confuses me the most about this subject is why women have a hard time understanding this, yet they themselves say they recognize some random man as attractive but don't want to have sex with them.

The only difference in men is that we WOULD like to have sex with the attractive woman we see, but we CHOOSE not to pursue her because we have a woman we love and don't want to lose her.

Lower the risk vs reward by weakening that love, or decreasing the probability of being caught and all that's left is his personal code of honor and committment... and let's face it, people do bad things all the time and anyone can rationalize there way out of moral dilemas ("my wife's been holding out"... blah blah blah).


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> What confuses me the most about this subject is why women have a hard time understanding this, yet they themselves say they recognize some random man as attractive but don't want to have sex with them.


Actually I understood why this is after reading "Women's Infidelity". Women are raised from the start to believe they are innocent, pure, they don't have sexual urges and needs like men, they have to find "the right person" to have sex, they will lose value when they have sex etc. This causes them to rein in sexual thoughts because sexual thoughts cause the shame of not living up to the society's standards for women. It causes them to not learn truly about their own sexual nature. It also causes them to think there is a "Mr. Right" out there to be sexually exclusive with. This ,in turn, causes a decrease of sexual attraction in relationships to be interpreted as loss of "love", thus making them check out emotionally from the relationship and look elsewhere for "Mr Right".

These are also the reasons why when they are hit with the testosterone surge in their thirties, they are unable to cope with the heightened libido-not all of them of course, but a lot of them.-. This is also why married women choose their APs over the BSs more often than married man.

Wow, I'm on a roll. Rant over.


----------



## Omegaa

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> No. Finding someone else attractive doesn't mean we're on the prowl.
> 
> You can get turned on by seeing a hot woman and not have ANY desire to cheat.


But would 10 out of 10 men refuse if the "hot" woman" of his dreams had offered him to have sex with her then and there and it's perfectly "discreet"?


----------



## *LittleDeer*

JCD said:


> This seems like a sh*t test question. Does this dress make my ass look fat? What do you think of my father? Tell me your fantasies...
> 
> So a guy tells her a fantasy and surprise surprise, it DOESN'T necessarily star Herself.
> 
> And BOY, what a craptastic conversation THAT starts!
> 
> So...what exactly is accomplished?
> 
> She's hurt.
> 
> She takes it out on HIM.
> 
> He is taught to either a) lie or b) be less open.
> 
> She wonders why the hell he isn't forthcoming to her (DUH!)
> 
> Now she's insecure and she watchs HIM looking at other girls. And the universe will conspire that occasionally, he WILL see a girl who is better looking than Herself...and where does that lead her mind?
> 
> And so it goes.
> 
> Girls: Don't ask questions unless you are ready and willing to MATURELY deal with answers you might not like.
> 
> Examples: Do you fantasize about other women?
> 
> Is she prettier than I am?
> 
> If I were dead, would you have sex with her?
> 
> Do you think X is fooling around?


Yes much better for women to never tell him how she really feels. 

Funny how men being expected to be respectful, mean he has to lie or be less open. He couldn't possibly change any behaviours. 


Much better for a man to go on fantasizing about other women, and not worry about her feelings or god forbid change their thought process.

Many men do not fantasize about other women, and many do, many women don't and many women do.

Why should women lie and say it doesn't bother them? 

If one spouse is uncomfortable, with it, instead of lieing or being less open, perhaps reevaluate your behaviour and think about what you can do to make your relationship better and sexual attraction to your spouse alive.


----------



## Omegaa

*LittleDeer* said:


> Much better for a man to go on fantasizing about other women, and not worry about her feelings or god forbid change their thought process.
> 
> If one spouse is uncomfortable, with it, instead of lieing or being less open, perhaps reevaluate your behaviour and think about what you can do to make your relationship better and sexual attraction to your spouse alive.


Hi

I do agree with you and your sentiment.

I have come to a point where I accept that one Wife alone would never satisfy ALL OF h's sexual needs. 

As I said, men have this biological and genetic "trigger" to find random women physically attractive and he's prone to find these women "Sexy". "He" has his biological purpose to spread his seeds as far as he could. Women do not have this built-in genetic "program".

Women do know intuitively that he is capable of taking one step further if opportunity presents itself some day. So her "insecurity" has its solid basis.

What is OK or not OK within marriage depends on how his Wife feels as much as how her H can compromise. These sexual boundaries may be different and far more personal depending on individual marriage where two individuals are involved.


----------



## I Notice The Details

Wife says women fantasize about men in romance novels and TV shows,..she watches Gray's Anatomy for example...and that men fantasize more about what they see because they are so visual.

I would agree for the most part...and this is further proof that naughty lingerie on her body is very visual to our sex filled minds!

I do fantasize about my wife being very provocative and sexy in every way.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Omegaa said:


> She *was*? Are you still with Her?


No I am not..


----------



## Omegaa

Oh What a shame!! 

Hope you're doing well.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana

*LittleDeer* said:


> Yes much better for women to never tell him how she really feels.
> 
> Funny how men being expected to be respectful, mean he has to lie or be less open. He couldn't possibly change any behaviours.
> 
> 
> Much better for a man to go on fantasizing about other women, and not worry about her feelings or god forbid change their thought process.
> 
> Many men do not fantasize about other women, and many do, many women don't and many women do.
> 
> Why should women lie and say it doesn't bother them?
> 
> If one spouse is uncomfortable, with it, instead of lieing or being less open, perhaps reevaluate your behaviour and think about what you can do to make your relationship better and sexual attraction to your spouse alive.


Look, I agree with you that a woman or a man can tell their spouse if they are not comfortable with them fantasizing about another. 

But....

It shouldn't be done like this. This isn't an honest discussion, this is laying a trap (by gently asking, manipulating the prey into the trap) and once the prey is in biting his head off (showing the true intent of the question).

It is not the way of a healthy communication and a healthy relationship. If a person cannot talk to their spouse about something without being emotionally beaten into a pulp, then that person will not talk.

Fantasies are counter-productive to a sex life, they weaken our ability to be fully in the moment and enjoy sex with our spouse fully. But they are also a way of nature and if we are to bypass them, we need to make that decision consciously. Making conscious, healthy decisions cannot be out of guilt or fear.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

*LittleDeer* said:


> Yes much better for women to never tell him how she really feels.
> 
> Funny how men being expected to be respectful, mean he has to lie or be less open. He couldn't possibly change any behaviours.
> 
> 
> Much better for a man to go on fantasizing about other women, and not worry about her feelings or god forbid change their thought process.
> 
> Many men do not fantasize about other women, and many do, many women don't and many women do.
> 
> Why should women lie and say it doesn't bother them?
> 
> If one spouse is uncomfortable, with it, instead of lieing or being less open, perhaps reevaluate your behaviour and think about what you can do to make your relationship better and sexual attraction to your spouse alive.


What you gonna do when he has a dream about another woman? Tell him to change his dream process?


----------

