# Help with marriage..



## tforty1851

Well, not sure if this is where I can post, but just wondering what I can do to make my marriage better. My husband and I have a lot of differences. There are a lot of things that he doesn't like to do and that i do like. And things he likes that I don't like. How do we find common ground? 

I like being spontaneous and romantic..I like going for long spontaneous drives and getting lost..at least this is what I did before we were married. We have been married almost 12 years. I like..hugging and kissing. Long kisses. I like relaxing watching t.v. My favorites are lifetime and girly show, talk shows, House. I like Psychology, and researching things on the internet. I like scrapbooking and pictures. I like watching or going to movies. I like the sunlight and bathing in it, or going swimming when it is hot. I like the outdoors, though a lot of time i am indoors. I am more dependant and don't doing things by myself. The list goes on.

My husband: likes watching his football on t.v., he likes working a lot, he doesn't drink or smoke (i did), he is not romantic or touchy-feely, he doesn't have a hobby, hasn't had time for one, doesn't like going for long drives, doesn't like swimming (for his own reasons), doesn't like sun-bathing, likes to relax when he can, loves to spend time with the family and watch or go to the movies, loves music and would be a music critic himself if he could, loves Lincoln Park and Korn, doesnt like shopping, loves to talk and conversates with others a lot and has a lot of friends, but not much close ones (he is in navy), likes to sleep when he can...

I am trying to find common ground, and find something that we can share together to bond. We have been married a long time, and I would like to keep that going. But we don't have much in common. Maybe if I could find something that we can enjoy together, we can keep those sparks alive. Any help appreciated or what anyone else might have done.


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## greenpearl

How about having a talk together?

Sometimes you two do things he likes!

Sometimes you two do things you like!

My husband and I didn't have much in common at the beginning , we are from two different cultures. Our hobbies are very different, our taste about movies is different, our taste about food is different, we just compromise, and find ways we are both happy with!


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## Blanca

my H and I have very different interests also. i dont think it would be such a problem if he would take an interest in what i like. i used to take a strong interest in what he likes but have stopped doing that since its never reciprocated. i think if you've communicated what you need from him and have also tried to be interested in what he likes, and he still doesnt reciprocate, then a natural emotional separation will happen.


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## tforty1851

Hi, thanks for the responses! Well, I like to watch tv with him, and cuddle and stuff, but he hates to watch the girly shows that i watch, and doesn't want to compromise with that. I have compromised and watched sports with him, or other shows. I even like his favorite band now. I am just enjoying being with him. He doesn't normally think like that and think that maybe he should try to enjoy some things that i like to do. I would have to talk to him about these things. But still, he will refuse certain things. He was not born romantic..i will have to have a talk with him when he gets back from det. Thanks!


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## FCHAVEZ

That sounds exactly like my Husband and me. I have actually grown fond to watching football over time and have grown to tolerate things he likes because I just love being with him. My Husband will take a couple trips a yr with me because I love to travel and I can get him to go to a few places around our state like Salvang and San Diego. But that is what you have to do to spend time with eachother. You have to tolerate the things the other person loves because it means spending time together. My Husband is not romantic either, but I knew that and I love him for who he is. Just accept him for the man you fell and love with!


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## SimplyAmorous

WOW tforty1851, I could have wrote & listed ALL that you did -(except for sun bathing) for my own loves & enjoyments in life. My husband never liked sports & has always enjoyed my Chick flicks, this makes me very happy. 

I got a little mixed up when you was listing his likes and dislikes. Sounds like he DOES enjoy going to movies, loves music, enjoys talking to people & loves family time. Well between family time (do You & him play games with the kids, vacations, etc) , talking (You listening to his day, he listens to yours?), movie going & you coming around to enjoying his favorite band, it sounds pretty good. I think alot of happily married couples could make similar lists to yours and his. 

I think what is bothering you most is he is not Touchy -Feely Romantic type, if he had THIS going for him, you most likely would not care too much about the rest. So maybe your top Love language is physical Touch and his nearer to the bottom, or words of affirmation (romantic verbalizing)?? 

I started a thread on this once , it has the book link & a Love Language Test you & he can take to better understand each other's desires & cravings to be fullfilled. If he can come some your way, realizing what makes you Tick , and you come some his way (sounds like you are really trying) then this could do wonders. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html


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## MsLonely

How about both go to learn ballroom dancing? That's romantic and healthy. That's what I'm planning to do with my husband. 
Develop something new both you and your husband love to do together that is fun and romantic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor

MsLonely said:


> How about both go to learn ballroom dancing? That's romantic and healthy.


My wife and I took lessons a few years ago and it was great fun.


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## DaisyJane

Get the book The 10 Second Kiss by Ellen Kriedman. Read it, and do what it says. Best advice ever, easy and fun to read. I say this after 27 years, and still kissing every day!


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