# Could we be happier apart???



## SM248 (Aug 8, 2009)

Hello everyone, this is my first post on this website....

My husband and I are both 25, we have been together since we were 18, and have been married for the last two. He is an amazing man, so caring, kind, and motivated. He is the type of person who has known who he is and what he wants in each stage of his life, and our life together. I have been a continuously evolving character, an unknown quantity, and he has taken each version of me in stride. The problem is, recently I have had my eyes opened to how much work I really need to do to figure out who I am and how to be truly happy. Since realizing this, I have also become really aware of how unfair I have been to my husband in the past. I am moody and hard to please; he is usually upbeat and can be happy without any outside stimulus (what I mean by this, is if he is in a bad mood I am instantly there with him - as though I rely on his good mood to affect me, and blame him for my bad mood if it is a result of his).
I have had some huge negative life changes in the past year - namely my father (hero, and best friend) leaving my mother, sisters, and I for my older sister's best friend and running off to another state together. He has just left, leaving us with a huge mess to clean up. I am not naive to the fact that this is most likely the catalyst for my discontent. This upheaval has made me consider the fact that I have not ever been on my own, and have never been OK on my own. I'm not sure either my husband or myself can truly be happy until I am the best form of myself - and this is not it. 
In 7 years, I have not been attracted to or tempted by another man. Recently, I have found myself attracted to someone. I have not - and will not - act on this impulse. I could not bring it into my marriage, my husband, or myself to become emotionally involved with this man. I have enough to consider without throwing an affair into the mix. I am just really confused as to why I am now susceptible to interest in another man, when I have never, ever been before in my relationship with my husband. 
I am just really confused. Should I suggest a trial separation? Would I be doing my husband a favor or hurting us both? I really don't know what to do.
Thank you everyone for your input. I have read other threads on this website and I love the responses you have all shared with one another. Thank God there is such a place online.....


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

SM,

No matter what remember what you said about your husband - caring, kindness, etc. If you read the posts on this website that is the key to a strong relationship from each spouse. Based on what you said about him -- he is a good man and knows who he is.

Have you discussed your issues with him. And these are your issues. Have you told him about your feelings regarding the actions of your father? Before making any decisions -- I would. He might surprise you.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I commend you for openly recognizing your flaws. Yes...this upheaval in your family with your dad has probably had you reevaluating your life.

Your H sounds alot like mine, except for the fact that he's older and been unhappy for the past year or so. He was one of those optimistic, happy no matter what kind of guys. Annoying for me. I was always wondering if I was doing him a disservice by staying with him. We have been married for 24 years. Dated since I was 15. I went through a depression for several years. Over time...it began breaking down the marriage. 

The REAL breakdown began last summer when we had a crisis with our son. Then in Oct. 08 with the fall in the stock market. Boom. My optimistic happy husband was angry and depressed. He blamed the marriage.

What I am trying to say is...take a good look at yourself. Get counseling, get support. You can do your soul searching with your husband. He sounds like a good man...you will need suppport on your journey.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I think any type of serious life change or trauma can help you grow into a better person. Reevaluating your life is a healthy progress. I don't see any reason to dump your husband because you are stressed or sad. Those are the times that spouses should rely on each other the most. Also, being attracted to someone else is not a big issue, it sounds like you already know that. Why don't you take a fun vacation with your husband to help you two reconnect and relax?


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