# I had an emotional affair. I am looking for advice on how to repair what I have broken.



## Jrawk1120 (Mar 26, 2021)

So, in late November, I started to have an emotional affiar.

Something happened that blew up my mental health. I looked at my wife dealing with the situation extremely well. I was afraid to talk to her about how I was dealing with it. I figured that I shouldn't be feeling worse than she is, that I didn't want to burden her with my issues. I know that is dumb. I know it is irrational. It was a mistake.

A few months later, I was crippled with everything that was bothering me just being shoved further down. I became withdrawn. I became depressed. I lost the ability to talk to my wife. 

So I took to find someone on Reddit to talk to in November. I recreated my relationship with my wife in the span of 3 months. I wanted to say things to someone and feel like I wouldn't be **** on, dismissed, or feel weak. I said things that I am not proud of, shared inappropriate pictures, spoke ill of my wife. I made this other woman fall in love with me. During this time and shortly before, I had reached out to my doctor about talking to a therapist multiple times. I was told there would be referrals and never received one.

I did find what I was looking for though. I found the courage to talk to my wife, although awkwardly, I brought up the topic that sent me down this dark path. She didn't cringe, she didn't ridicule me. As soon as the conversation began, I lost any interest in ever talking to this other person again. I deleted anything I had of her. 

Come to Saturday night, this other woman reached out to my wife. My wife and I sat and talked for 35 hours straight. It was angry, then sad, then angry, and so on. 

My wife talked to a therapist yesterday morning and it was suggested that we spend through the weekend apart. We left on the best terms I think we could have before I left for a hotel. 

With all of that said, I feel awful about everything that happened. I am making no excuses for my actions. They were terrible and I regret them fully. 

I am willing to do anything to save my marriage. I have taken steps already and don't want to stop taking steps to help heal the wound. I have shot down any notion by my wife that she played any role in what happened. I know where the fault is.

I am open to anything. I will answer any question. I will take whatever comes my way here. I know every situation is different and I won't find the answer to what will save my marriage here, but I am open to hearing steps that I could take.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

So your wife is talking to a therapist, but what about you? You need to be seeing one as well to get to the bottom of why you did this and to figure out how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Saying you won't do it again isn't enough.

If the doctor didn't give you a referral then you should have called back or found one on your own, did you? Or did you just use that as your excuse?

Do not push for marriage counseling right now, it's too soon for that. You need to give your wife space if she needs it. You need to answer EVERY SINGLE question she has, regardless of whether you think it's a good or bad idea. If you have already answered the question, answer again. You need to gladly give her full access to your phone, computer, etc., forever. You need to get off Reddit because that will probably trigger your wife and is too risky for you. You completely destroyed the trust and now you need to spend years earning it back through your actions, not your words. You need to understand that this may take YEARS to fix, not weeks or months. If you're not in it for the long haul, spare her the extra hurt and get out.

You can read the book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. Another one is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your emotional affair may take your wife years (3 - 5) to recover from. Keep that in mind as you go through this.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Something happened that blew up your mental health?


----------



## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.

Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.

Men sacrifice romance and autonomy in order to build a family with a good woman. We take a risk and invest in this family, and forgo romance with other women.

Why is this important? Because:

1. You are resentful you had to give up this autonomy and access to other women. Most guys feel this at one point or another, but you let it fester in your mind to the point that you started reaching out in cyberspace to other women. You tried to recreate the thrill of a new romance.

2. This doesn't mean you don't love your wife. Ponder on that one ...

The blow to your mental health is an excuse, or a midlife crisis. A lot of people have had blows to their mental health, but they didn't go have affairs

Dude: be 100% honest with your wife on this: no excuses, no sugar-coating, no complaining about depression and anxiety. Come clean and you will reach an understanding.

we are all human beings, and we all have faults and character flaws

STOP complaining about your mental health, and stop being weak around your wife. No tears and pity --it isn't masculine

No "therapy" or counseling. It isn't productive for men in regards to stuff like this.

Your wife will get over this and respect you again if you come to terms with why it happened and are honest with her.


----------



## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


😳 Wow...just ****in wow.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


----------



## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

At times a lot of us have that urge to bend someone’s ear about our marriage. I suppose that’s natural. But graduating from that to badmouthing your wife and sending **** pics is way beyond a lack of respect to your wife and your marriage. You feel bad, you damn well should. You have a tough row to hoe so start hoeing.

Your wife should immediately have access to you phone, emails and phone location. You should get a therapist ASAP and detail this in front of the both of them so that the therapist can guide you and your wife through this event. You might also search your thoughts for what you think was failing in your marriage that lead you down this path and why you weren’t man enough to address those things with your wife.


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Well, even though I don’t want to give you advice on how to make this right with your wife... I will. Maybe because you might have a hint of being sincere to me that rings true and you didn’t one time point any fingers at your wife for your gross behavior. But you already have a huge strike against you for trying to hide it and then letting the truth come out through the OW which I’m guessing was not pretty.

So here is what I suggest, when you talk to her again, you ask her what she needs you to do. Then you do it, with gusto. Then you ask her the same thing regularly and keep doing what she needs. Anticipate what would make her feel better about you as a person and do that too.

Maybe one day she will feel gracious enough to forgive you and build a life with you again. Maybe she will only feel gracious enough to forgive you but leave you. Or maybe she will tell you to get lost and hate you forever. But if you want a chance, that’s what I suggest.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

she may stay with you but she'll never be able to trust you again and that will make her never feel the same about you she once felt. So don't expect her to unconditionally adore you going forward. And I agree with Bobert that you need to go to therapy yourself. I mean you let something get out of control. None of us are perfect.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


I don't know where you got the idea that "men" are not monogamous; HUMANS are not monogamous by nature, that's the correct statement. 
Without getting into a human sexual evolution dissertation, I will just let you know that genes are the driving force in any living thing that exist in this earth in a push to express themselves in the next generation, to that extent, every species on earth creates their own set of parameters within the species that are acceptable for the purpose of procreation. 

Within the human species males and females have expectations when trying to mate, it may seem different for each sex, but the end result is the same: to be able to bring the progeny to successful adulthood in order for them to continue the procreating process and the continuity of the genetic material.

Everything in between is just psychobabble created by humans in order to have harmony within the species. And for males to ensure that that progeny is theirs, not another male. 

From a purely biological point of view for females, the only thing that matters is that their progeny makes it to adulthood while they being able to procure that they have a network of individuals that will help them to that effect in the eventually that the male is not longer available to help raising the progeny.
Modern society and economics have mostly in developed countries change that biological imperative, and somehow in underdeveloped countries. 

Bottom line your assessment is incorrect, nothing but psychobabble.

Within our parameters as thought out in western societies, the OP **** up, is trying to make amends. The wife will now decide if she will forgive/ forget? (Doubtful), but could happens. It will be up to her now.


----------



## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> I don't know where you got the idea that "men" are not monogamous; HUMANS are not monogamous by nature, that's the correct statement.
> Without getting into a human sexual evolution dissertation, I will just let you know that genes are the driving force in any living thing that exist in this earth in a push to express themselves in the next generation, to that extent, every species on earth creates their own set of parameters within the species that are acceptable for the purpose of procreation.
> 
> Within the human species males and females have expectations when trying to mate, it may seem different for each sex, but the end result is the same: to be able to bring the progeny to successful adulthood in order for them to continue the procreating process and the continuity of the genetic material.
> ...


Men and women are not the same, and they approach the sexual dynamic quite differently

you touch on this, but then say human are not monogamous. That wasn't my point.

the issue here is that the OP isn't being honest with himself and lacks self-awareness. That is OK, happens to a lot of guys, including myself

men are nor built to live in a gynocrentric, post-feminist culture


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


Complete and utter bullcrap!

You can look at someone and think they are attractive and not be think I would like to stick my Dck in her. Well maybe you can't.

My fantasies do not include other women than my wife. I do not fantasize about Fing some other chick or actress when with my wife. BTW those that do are committing adultry by God's standards.

Romance should be with your wife, not something you missed out on with other concubines.

If you feel that way then it is best to not marry so she can find a decent loving hubby that is not resentful because he wants to go screw other women.

If your marriage is right you will not want another. My wife is 52 and im 49, we have sex at least daily, i dont do quickies...45min to 1.5hr usually. We both want more and are yearning for my retirement next year so we can spend more time together. We wished we owned a business together so we could be together all day.

All men...bullcrap!


----------



## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


Every time I see horse**** like this I get this image of an unmarried guy with a comb-over talking through a PowerPoint presentation in a Holiday Inn conference room...


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> Every time I see horse**** like this I get this image of an unmarried guy with a comb-over talking through a PowerPoint presentation in a Holiday Inn conference room...


😂😂😂


----------



## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Flavius Maximus, Can I steal this to use on a regular basis. 🤣


----------



## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Harold Demure said:


> Flavius Maximus, Can I steal this to use on a regular basis. 🤣


Be my guest...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Jrawk1120 Counselling, as individuals and as a couple.

Plus the consumption of copious amounts of humble pie by you. And even then, she might not wish to forgive you. And why should she?


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

It is going to take time, and a lot of work on your part to salvage this. Give her access to your phone and computer passwords, be prepared to give up social media or reddit if she asks, basically, "i'm sorry" won't be enough. Don't be surprised if she doesn't trust you or want to have sex for a while - you broke her trust in a major way. Complaining about her to the other woman and naked pictures? That's going to be hard to process. You should both see a marriage counselor and individual counselors. You need to face up to the question - if marriage really makes you feel so emasculated that you feel the need to flex by complaining about your wife and sexting a virtual stranger, do you really want this marriage? What do you need to change about your reactions and behaviors to make this work? Would anything need to change in your marriage for this not to happen again.

When I was married, my XH sexted and exchanged inappropriate messages with women. I moved to a different bedroom. It took months and evidence of affairs before I left. Be aware that if she is willing to give you a second chance you will need to be truly remorseful and really address together the underlying reasons why you did this.


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Oh I forgot, if she asks questions, answer them fully and without sugar coating or minimizing or rationalizing. If she finds out you lied while you're trying to work on your marriage, you're ****ed.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Manner1067 said:


> There is the pop-psychology way of looking at this, and then there is the truth.
> 
> Men are not monogamous by nature --we become fascinated by women and drawn to them, and it isn't just one woman. No matter what every guy on this forums says about being a white knight who only has eyes for his wonderful wife, this is the truth.
> 
> ...


What century were you born in. Are you even married? How many years?


----------



## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> Every time I see horse**** like this I get this image of an unmarried guy with a comb-over talking through a PowerPoint presentation in a Holiday Inn conference room...


actually, happily married for 20 years, 6'1 and 185lbs

so you should picture a guy much better looking than you and who has a net worth about 10 times yours


----------



## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Manner1067 said:


> actually, happily married for 20 years, 6'1 and 185lbs
> 
> so you should picture a guy much better looking than you and who has a net worth about 10 times yours


Whatever you say chief...🙄


----------



## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> Whatever you say chief...🙄


😆 pretentious, que moi?


----------



## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Manner1067 said:


> actually, happily married for 20 years, 6'1 and 185lbs
> 
> so you should picture a guy much better looking than you and who has a net worth about 10 times yours


Interesting. Cause all that I see is a guy with a keyboard, a huge ego and a complete distortion of actual psychology. Been with my wife for 27 years, and this male has complete and utter tunnel vision for his wife. In fact, preceding marriage, I was fearful that I would get tired of the same woman year after year after year. However, my love for her grew by leaps and bounds in ways and directions that my adolescent mind had no concept of when I married her at age 24. If I see a pretty woman when I am out and about, I think, "oh, cute lady", and then my mind goes right back to fantasizing about my super hot wife of 27 years. Please, do not try to paint us all with the same broad brush, as it does you no service. BTW, does your wife of 20 years, know your views on this? Would be interesting to get her take.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rushwater said:


> Interesting. Cause all that I see is a guy with a keyboard, a huge ego and a complete distortion of actual psychology. Been with my wife for 27 years, and this male has complete and utter tunnel vision for his wife. In fact, preceding marriage, I was fearful that I would get tired of the same woman year after year after year. However, my love for her grew by leaps and bounds in ways and directions that my adolescent mind had no concept of when I married her at age 24. If I see a pretty woman when I am out and about, I think, "oh, cute lady", and then my mind goes right back to fantasizing about my super hot wife of 27 years. Please, do not try to paint us all with the same broad brush, as it does you no service. BTW, does your wife of 20 years, know your views on this? Would be interesting to get her take.


This! Me also! 25 yrs. Have never fantasized about having sex with another woman while having sex with my wife even. I am into my wife, do not want any other. My wife is the woman of my fantasy life.


----------



## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> This! Me also! 25 yrs. Have never fantasized about having sex with another woman while having sex with my wife even. I am into my wife, do not want any other. My wife is the woman of my fantasy life.


I'm right there with you brother. My wife is my absolute fantasy woman and she is incredible at fulfilling all of my fantasies! Maybe we are just blessed, I don't know.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rushwater said:


> I'm right there with you brother. My wife is my absolute fantasy woman and she is incredible at fulfilling all of my fantasies! Maybe we are just blessed, I don't know.


I like to say I am Divinely Favored. My wife said she wants it on our headstone, "She kept his belly full and his balls empty"

I told her i was going to put, "They have a love few experience and many do not comprehend"


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Manner1067 said:


> actually, happily married for 20 years, 6'1 and 185lbs
> 
> so you should picture a guy much better looking than you and who has a net worth about 10 times yours


Oh wow, I doubt a real down to Earth woman that respects herself as an individual in this day and age would be married to someone that thinks like you. Humans evolve dude! We are more than sex and hormones. We are capable of being half of two people who truly know and live the meaning of love. That is what a marriage truly is. Two humans joined as one. 

If you think boinking other women is OK and not something you must eradicate from your logic, you have most certainly not evolved. You are pretty much stunted. You should love your wife of 20 years even more than when you met and married. That is what evolved humans do! 

Sheesh, no wonder marriage is a failing institution! If a happily married male thinks of his wife and marriage the way you do 20 years later, WTH can we expect our young adults to think about marriage? Their relationships don't stand a fat chance in hell.


----------



## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Bibi1031 said:


> Oh wow, I doubt a real down to Earth woman that respects herself as an individual in this day and age would be married to someone that thinks like you. Humans evolve dude! We are more than sex and hormones. We are capable of being half of two people who truly know and live the meaning of love. That is what a marriage truly is. Two humans joined as one.
> 
> If you think boinking other women is OK and not something you must eradicate from your logic, you have most certainly not evolved. You are pretty much stunted. You should love your wife of 20 years even more than when you met and married. That is what evolved humans do!
> 
> Sheesh, no wonder marriage is a failing institution! If a happily married male thinks of his wife and marriage the way you do 20 years later, WTH can we expect our young adults to think about marriage? Their relationships don't stand a fat chance in hell.


I was actually being snarky in response to a stupid post --I don't have any inflated opinion of myself

Marriage is a failing institution because we live in a broken, gynocentric society that offers little to men

that sounds outrageous, but it really isn't. Here is the truth:

1. According to women, fidelity and honesty is weakness. Men who cheat, bed dozens of women, lie, etc. are the desirable men. This is reinforced through women's magazines, fiction, film and television. If you want guys to behave honorably towards women, then the culture needs to change.

2. Women don't want good husbands and fathers. They want exciting bad boys whom other women want. Very few women desire a man because she herself finds him admirable, honorable, or desirable. They want a man because other women find him desirable and exciting. Very few women want guys who will be "good fathers and husbands". Such men are viewed with contempt in our culture

Don't shoot the messenger: I wish things were different, but they aren't. Garbage men with good jaw lines and abs are what women want. And in some cases, vapid women with big boobs and limited intellects are what guys want --this is the world we live in


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Manner1067 said:


> I was actually being snarky in response to a stupid post --I don't have any inflated opinion of myself
> 
> Marriage is a failing institution because we live in a broken, gynocentric society that offers little to men
> 
> ...


Bullet point 1 is ridiculous. Only fools marry dysfunctional fools. Real women want it all in a partner. Loving, loyal, great provider, caring, responsible, etc. No one wants drama and trash to build a family with. 

Bullet point 2 is also wrong. Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers. 

Same as real men don't marry whores. Only fools marry whores and procreate with them.

I don't think you have a clue what real women want because you got it all arse backwards. What world were you brought up in?


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Bibi1031 said:


> Bullet point 1 is ridiculous. Only fools marry dysfunctional fools. Real women want it all in a partner. Loving, loyal, great provider, caring, responsible, etc. No one wants drama and trash to build a family with.
> 
> Bullet point 2 is also wrong. Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers.
> 
> ...


And that is when the good men tell the girls to go back to their bad boy Fbuddies and keep having fun with them and get the hell away from me. You were not interrested then.. Im not interrested now. 😁


----------



## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Bibi1031 said:


> Bullet point 1 is ridiculous. Only fools marry dysfunctional fools. Real women want it all in a partner. Loving, loyal, great provider, caring, responsible, etc. No one wants drama and trash to build a family with.
> 
> Bullet point 2 is also wrong. Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers.
> 
> ...


you write "Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers"

which doesn't contradict my point at all. I didn't say women wouldn't marry guys who would be good husbands and fathers. I said that women _want_ unreliable, hot, bad boys.

you are lacking in self-awareness here. You are literally confirming the stereotype that women _settle_ for nice guy, provider types, and that such men were not their first choice. It is hard for guys to come to terms with this, and a lot of guys still want to live in their little romantic fantasy world when it comes to this stuff, but that is a reality for a lot of them.

Men don't want the bad-boy's leftovers, but a lot of men end up with those leftovers. The nice-guy, husband type ends up with the emotional and sexual baggage.

and even though you say "real men don't marry whores", men do it all the time. Do you think they even know they are marrying whores? I am not sure the exact criteria for a promiscuous woman, but in my book it is multiple ONS, N count over 10 (depending on age), and other stuff like threesomes, etc. But more to the point, it is women who seek short term, hedonistic encounters with no strings attached.

I have known very few women who do NOT fall into that category. My wife was 32 when I met her, and her "number" was double mine at least, and included a few ONS when she was in college. Now she didn't do anything crazy, but that stuff alone was enough to make me very upset when I heard about it, and I even broke off our engagement for a time. We reconciled, married, and have had a good marriage, but I took a big risk.

But women will scream about the double-standard of stud vs. *****, to which I say this:

women desire promiscuous men and routinely seek such men out--they are viewed as high-quality lovers and alpha males

men generally reject promiscuous women

in our gynocentric culture, women are setting these rules, and men are following along. If women heavily penalized and rejected guys who sleep around, there would be a lot less of it. 

In my case, I had a fair number of girlfriends when I was in my 20s, but didn't have any ONS. Almost all of my relationships were relatively long-term and serious. I didn't want to be the guy who pumps-and-dumps women, or who insulted women by trying to get in their pants quickly. I was under the illusion that women wanted serious, respectful relationships.

but women don't want that, at least when they are in their 20s. There are no "good girls", there are just girls who haven't been caught. 

and we could probably change this culture, but I don't see it happening any time soon.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's always amusing to me when a guy informs me of what I, as a woman, really want.

I never chased "bad boys" because fidelity and honesty were always important to me. I have no desire for a man who's promiscuous because I have no desire to be one in a long line.

So be careful before you start making sweeping statements about what "women" want.

And FYI, I have observed that a lot of men who have this mentality actually have no problem with promiscuous women. They're upset that said promiscuous women aren't sleeping with them. Said men aren't looking at nice girls.....they're chasing the hottest thing they can find while *****ing about how she only wants bad boys.


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Manner1067 said:


> you write "Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers"
> 
> which doesn't contradict my point at all. I didn't say women wouldn't marry guys who would be good husbands and fathers. I said that women _want_ unreliable, hot, bad boys.
> 
> ...


Stop thinking about what women want so much, you’re going to hurt yourself.


----------



## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Couple of things stick out.

You have a difficult time coping. Your means of coping is not to run a few miles, go a few rounds on a punching bag, hit the gym, pick up the phone and talk to a friend, etc... Your means of coping was to go find a stranger and form an intimate relationship with them. Where does that come from? (Hint: Look at your childhood) Get on top of that, because life WILL throw you more curveballs and you WILL resort to this behavior again in some form. 

Another thing is that you have, in a roundabout way, put the burden of this on your wife's shoulders. "If I had just emptied on her emotionally, I wouldn't have cheated". Okay... or you could go talk to a friend, therapist, write a journal, etc. Why does the wife have to be the one you dump on in this circumstance? Now that you've done the damage of the affair, she's probably not going to be there in the near future when you have your next crisis. You'll get some eye-rolling and exasperated sighs (resentment and disgust), which will set you back further.



Jrawk1120 said:


> So, in late November, I started to have an emotional affiar.
> 
> Something happened that blew up my mental health. I looked at my wife dealing with the situation extremely well. I was afraid to talk to her about how I was dealing with it. I figured that I shouldn't be feeling worse than she is, that I didn't want to burden her with my issues. I know that is dumb. I know it is irrational. It was a mistake.
> 
> ...


----------



## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Manner1067 said:


> you write "Young females that enjoy their freedom and sexuality have fun with bad boys, but choose to settle down and form a family with men that will be good husband's and fathers"
> 
> which doesn't contradict my point at all. I didn't say women wouldn't marry guys who would be good husbands and fathers. I said that women _want_ unreliable, hot, bad boys.
> 
> ...


Damn. Talk about a negative view of women and marriage. Who crapped in your Wheaties? Is your wife just as you describe women? Is she aware of your view of women? Is she some "bad boy's leftovers"?

Look dude, I get that SOME women may be as you describe (I've known a few), but the majority are not! Just look at some of the poor women, here on TAM whom were good, solid, LOYAL wives, only to be screwed over by their WH. Man, you must have really been hurt by somebody in your past.. You might think about starting your own thread about your issues and we can all discuss it with you. You seem like you need some IC.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Yes a lot of talk about what women want. 

I chased the bad boys and I was promiscuous. And I’m so glad I was just like this because I knew when I ‘settled’ as so many men like to call finding a decent man, I wasn’t going to be wondering about all the extra wild ‘c*^k’ I could be chasing. 

Because none of that was worth what I have now and I’ll never look back or wonder what else is out there. I’ll be his bad girl forever, and to me he’s an absolute demon in bed. 

There. It’s crude and unladylike but it had to be said. ‘Settling’ means something completely different to some of us.

We can generalise too and say all men want a nice quiet decent loyal wife after they’ve also sowed their wild oats, but I won’t go there.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Manner1067 said:


> actually, happily married for 20 years, 6'1 and 185lbs
> 
> so you should picture a guy much better looking than you and who has a net worth about 10 times yours


Major delusions of grandeur it seems LOL


----------

