# Sex with STBX?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok, I just got off the phone with my STBX, she's coming to pick up our daughter. Regardless I told her that I am thinking about moving on, and encouraged her to do the same, she told me I can't tell her what to do, and that she didn't expect me to stay sexless and thats why she gave me "free reign". So ok, I was trying to be nice, honest and respectful, not to have her poke at me and make me feel like sh-t. So I left it as that, or tried...

Then she taunted me, saying "You've really given up on us haven't you", etc etc, as well as accusing me of wanting to fk other women all along and then told me to admit it - which was rather offensive - but I told her off for that and she dropped it - yay! But then out of the blue she told me that if I wanted sex I could just ask her... ok *WTF?!* Now, I had thought she was utterly repulsed by me at this point. I don't get it at all - why the hell did she give me free reign for sex - making me believe that she truly doesn't give a sh-t anymore, then turn around and become suddenly available? Accusing me of wanting to fk other women even! :scratchhead:

Anyways, I told her that it just ain't a good idea and that we've did this before and it didn't work out (the last time (5 years ago) when we decided to have casual sex without fixing our relationship we ended up back together and not fixing ourselves for 5 years - it's like going back into the snow globe that we had to seperate to escape from.) She said that she's not going to argue with me, and was just putting it out there. She asked me if I'm truly that turned off by her... fking hell she's annoying!!! Now she is making me want to fk her just to prove a point - and I'm horny as fk as well so SH-T!

Well... she's coming over soon, I don't know... I'm very vulnerable right now and my emotions are all over the place, this ain't a good idea is it? I admit, I'm being VERY tempted right now... or was she just waiting for this? Oh hell of course she was waiting for this, I'm falling into a trap. I don't know...

It's either this or stepping out and making reconciliation impossible right? Heck! :scratchhead:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You think too much.


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

Do it---your going to anyway.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

I don't want to end up back with her... I'm not ready for it
I need to put myself back together first

But if it's just bodily fluid exchange... hell I don't know =/
Yes I'm thinking too much but I didn't expect this!!!!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I don't get any sense at all that you're interested in reconciling with this woman in any real way.

But she seems like she'd take you back in a heartbeat.

You're not going to die if you don't get your rocks off. It would be totally stupid, not to mention cruel, to have sex with a woman you're divorcing who totally is still into you. This is not a "casual sex" scenario whatsoever, and you know it.

This is a no brainer. Keep it in your pants dude.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Don't do it, man... From the sound of it, she is going to get you to do it just to prove to herself that she can control you even at your peak of confidence, the confidence of moving on from spouse, stepping on your sandcastle just to prove the point maybe?

If I were in your shoes of someone leaving his spouse, my STBX couldn't PAY me to have sex with her...

Don't do it... And be offended... You're not a puppet to be made to dance...


And in the case she is so great and into you, then why are you so sure and confident you must leave her in the first place?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You're right... I have to keep it in my pants

I think I've made a bad mistake though, I showed my weakness, now if I don't do it, it will damage us even more, and if I do it, then it may end up making things really complicated... hell I don't have much time to think up a way of getting out of this one

I really fked up... again! AFEH was right, I can't confide in her anymore, she's just going to use it against me

EDIT: Ok wait, what you said Jaquen, I could use that as an excuse to worm my way out of it when she arrives yes?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok, had a good whack, I think I should be fine when she arrives, thanks guys


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nah, I sprayed it everywhere and rubbed it all over the place lol

Anyways on a serious note, nope, it didn't happen. We had a bit of a talk about it, and she was thankful at least that I was honest with her instead of stepping out on my own. She seemed very disappointed and rejected however, and told me that I would have to make my decision whether we should work on our marriage or to let the divorce happen.

I told her that I'm not exactly in a position to make such a decision but then she told me that she isn't either but that I'm forcing the issue by talking about stepping out. She admitted to me that this free reign was a test, and that by rejecting her again as well - I proved to her I don't love her. Well... whatever, she already knows this and how fked we are now. She said if I move on, then she's not going to look back anymore, told me to take this decision seriously.

Oh well, at least no fighting


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

You have more power than me sir---Props to you. I've never been one to say no to a ex because it was always such unbelievable sex. Good luck to you.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I need to ask a dumb question....what does STBX stand for?


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## Lovesong (Nov 26, 2012)

What is a STBX? Sorry, can't really add to this until I know what that means!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well having too many strings attached to it kinda made me realise it aint a good idea heh. Also, the "relief" helped... it's summer now, and she wore rather little, still has those legs of hers that I'm seriously missing right now. Sad... she really knows how to use them too.

Looks like she's right though - we've positioned the nails, now we just need a hammer. It's time to decide which direction we take this, she left it to me, typical... would be easier but no of course not, have to let the man decide. Bah! Personally, I'm more inclined to end this then to try again. Maybe in the future if circumstances bring us together but no, now, we're too broken.

I have to face the pain as well, I can't leave her hanging like this. Out of respect for her I have to do this, she deserves at least that much.

EDIT: Soon To Be eX = STBX


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## Lovesong (Nov 26, 2012)

Ah,soon to be ex...


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> EDIT: Soon To Be eX = STBX


Ah ha! :smthumbup:


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

On a serious note, you do sound so complex.
So you don't love her, you say but you keep hanging around but for....? 

1) you had a long history with her
2) afraid if you're making a mistake
3) you still "fancy" her sexually
4) emotionally too attached to break it off
5) divorce is a big step
6) men generally do not want to initiate sex as he does not want to look like a bad guy..

Or...what is your reason for your indecisiveness? :scratchhead:
PS I'm a female so I had to ask..


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## kiwiG (Dec 4, 2012)

from the outside it looks like a control thing from her side. it was mentioned earlier in the thread - she wants to know you will jump when she calls. 

you did the right thing dude

and you really need to relax a bit. i know this is a serious issue but you will end up killing yourself stressing and over analyzing everything. easier said then done but you really should try


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Dude, you do have A LOT of drama in your life!!!! I wish you the best.


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