# She's Our Daughter and he demeans her...



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

I'm afraid that the things my husband says to OUR daughter (not a stepchild situation) is hurting her self esteem. I feel like he blatantly favors our other child but then he somehow makes me think I'm crazy to even think it's possible. He's called her *****, told her she dresses like a *****, tells her that she starts all the arguments because she doesn't know when to shutup. I quietly try to tell her what to say or do to avoid the situation.....or make him stop without him seeing me do it. Then I think to myself "this isn't the woman I want her to grow up to be." Example we were driving home in the truck he asks yes or no question. She answers "*No* but there is xyz." He tripped offline saying that isn't what he asked and to answer the damn question. I was sitting beside her so I whispered "just say no & let it go." He ranted & raved until all of us were silent all the way home. Just because he THINKS she didn't answer his question?! In reality she did  He goes on to say he knows he'll be going to prison for killing one of his kids and asked who? Of course everybody knew but didn't say a word


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

He sounds like my dad growing up. My mom was stuck in the middle - trying to comfort me and diffuse him. Crappy situation for everyone involved. I won't lie and say I don't still have issues - I always had extremely low self-esteem my whole life and still do - and I moved across the Atlantic and see him every 3 years or so, and while I miss him, I also realize that if I saw him, he'd just find ways to make me feel bad. He does that on the phone as it is.

I hope you can find a way for your husband to moderate his behavior. I wish my mom had. She tried her best but I now have an amazing practically best-friend relationship with my mom, and a "oh hi, is mom there?" relationship with my dad. 

I know this is not actual advice... sorry, I don't know what would work. I believe that people like that do not get better on their own. My dad had 4 children and doesn't have a close relationship with any of them.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I keep away from my mother, because she is like your husband. She has a lot of untreated mental health issues, along with an irrational jealousy of the relationship I have with my father. Only a sick mother looks at her daughter as a rival for her husband's affections.

People like this only come to realizations when it is far too late. Only when your daughter is damaged and traumatized by his behaviour, will your husband see how wrong he was. Only when your daughter becomes a woman and distances herself from him, will he have regrets. 

My mother is constantly trying to be my friend and praise me, but after years of abuse, I am not interested in her overtures. She was not even at my wedding. Now she wishes things were different between us-:rofl:

Since she was only kind to her youngest, he is the only one that stayed home. The rest of her adult children (me and my two other brothers) rarely visit or call. She doesn't understand why I do not want to have children and I am decent enough not to make her cry, by telling her that the abuse soured my opinion of motherhood. My mother wants us to bond over a grandchild, but that will never happen.

Whatever parents sow, that is what they shall reap. Stand up for your daughter, or else she will resent you for not protecting her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow, if my husband said he would be going to prison for killing one of our children, I'd leave right then and there.

Why is he such an evil person towards her?

Teaching her to just accept this behavior and walk on egg shells is not good. 

How old is she?


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## SoHO (Sep 19, 2011)

Kids tend to think that if they give you just a simple answer yes/no then the next question is why and they feel the presure to justify. So they cut short and say yes/no with the why included or some sort of explination.
i don't agree with the fact that he said "he knows he'll be going to prison for killing one of his kids". THAT IS MEAN!!!
You need to talk to him and ask him to be a father and not to be crazy with words and use fear just to impress the kid and next time to expect just a yes or a no.


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## NewlyWedMomy (Sep 10, 2011)

I agree with that_girl. If my DH said he'd do this, I'd kick him out and have the papers mailed to him!

As a mother, you have to protect your daughter. Imagine how she's feeling?! She has a father who BLUNTLY and CLEARLY states he hates her, and a mother who never stands up to him about it... This is a mixture for a bad ending! If it was me, I'd let him know how he is treating are daughter is INHUMAN, and UNCALLED for! And how DARE he treat her this way!! He either needs to change, or leave because you have to protect your daughter!


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