# She Said, He Looked



## Tripper (Jan 23, 2014)

Okay guys.....Has your wife or GF ever gotten mad at you for looking at an attractive woman?Not slack jaw ogling with drool falling from your lips Or double takes.But just checking them out..quick glances...You know what I mean...I hope?

Now my wife has over the years said things to me like..."Oh hey...we got this new supervisor at work...and he's really good looking but seems like an a$$" I've heard that one a couple of times...Or mention an actor.."I don't really care for younger men but Channing Tatum is really handsome". " That guy at the coffee shop is cute...wonder why he dresses like a bum?"

There always seemed to be a "but" or some other reason the guy was flawed.

She has said things like this many times....never phased me...I'm not really the jealous type or get bent out of shape over things like that. I have never said directly to her any woman is good looking or hot....I am guilty of looking sometimes....which brings me to a few weeks ago. We are out shopping at Kohl's and a very...and I do mean _very_ hot woman walked by...short red dress, great legs, great everything....I did my little glance...nothing stupidly obvious....I swear it was a short look....To be honest it had to be a short look because she darted into the racks of clothes just a few feet from us and was gone.

My wife noticed that I checked her out and was fine until we got home...She asked me why I do that when I'm with her and said it hurts her...and I can understand that..I don't want to hurt her. But whatever I said didn't make it better...and I got kind of mad and finally said.."Then why is it can you say right to my face when you think a man is attractive...RIGHT TO MY FACE!"

But if I just look it's the end of the world....

She had no answer for that.

Guess what....She hasn't said anything about anyone being hot to me again and as for me.....I try...I try really hard not to look at other women when out with her and usually do pretty good....But then...maybe this is my flaw???

And she loves me flaws and all, just as I love her


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Next time say: You sure she wasn't checking me out?

Use humor in those types of situations.

She's trying to rattle you a bit with those comments about other men. Again, ignore or brush it off with witty humor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

There's a difference between her saying something to you about some guy and you looking over some female when out with her. 

When you are with her and pay attention with a look at another woman I'm betting she feels as if you are demeaning her. In her mind you are paying more attention to the other woman than you are to her when she is right next to you. 

When she talks to you about another guy, she is talking to and with you, paying attention to you and not looking at the guy. She is not dismissing you by action but including you through talk. 

Now, her talk about other guys may still upset you but it is not the same as your action of looking while she is with you. 

There is a reason there is the saying, actions speak louder than words. This is an example. 

Your flaw is being insensitive to her. When you aren't with her, look all you want. You really can't control yourself when you are with her?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Typical double standard l reckon, it goes right through everything.
To me her commenting to your face is just as bad as you looking in front of her.
Maybe worse because commenting to you a few days later shows 1 , she just has to get it out even to her own h but two , she's been thinking about him not only looking.

Not sure what the answer is though but really to me , a few double takes on your part is no worse. How sensitive to us are they when they say stuff like that to us and women do this a lot .


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It's a fitness test, or sh!t test. She knows you notice attractive women. She just wants to see if you'll fall all over yourself apologizing for having eyes.

There are a few ways you can pass those tests. First, you can ignore them. If she mentions you noticing an attractive woman, just tell her you don't remember, or don't know what she's talking about. Then change the subject. Second, you can use humor to agree and amplify. Tell her that the attractive woman was your girlfriend and you were hoping to communicate with your eyes that she shouldn't come fondle you in front of your wife.

However you choose to handle it, you shouldn't deny that you notice attractive women, or apologize for doing so. You're a man. Men notice attractive women. That's the way the world works. She must learn to deal with it.

Good luck.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Old as I am, I still enjoy looking at a pretty woman.  I don't know too many guys (other than some gay friends of mine) who don't appreciate a little female eye-candy to brighten up the day. That being said, I make sure that my glances, if my wife is with me, are *VERY* surreptitious. I'm not sure she would mind me looking, but I'm not about to take a chance of making her feel bad. I know I wouldn't like her checkin' out the good-looking guys and then *commenting* about them. That's a little over the top for me, as I'm sure it is for you. I'd guess your wifee wasn't aware of how much her comments bothered you. She knows now and I don't think she'll make that mistake again. (She'll still look, but she'll keep her comments to herself. )


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Tripper said:


> Okay guys.....Has your wife or GF ever gotten mad at you for looking at an attractive woman?Not slack jaw ogling with drool falling from your lips Or double takes.But just checking them out..quick glances...You know what I mean...I hope?
> 
> Now my wife has over the years said things to me like..."Oh hey...we got this new supervisor at work...and he's really good looking but seems like an a$$" I've heard that one a couple of times...Or mention an actor.."I don't really care for younger men but Channing Tatum is really handsome". " That guy at the coffee shop is cute...wonder why he dresses like a bum?"


She has free will. She's speaking out loud, speaking her mind. You are secure in yourself and your relationship to her. I would say since this is how you guys talk to each other, return the favour some time. Point out some interesting or attractive females in the same light. Never put them above her, but let her notice that you can see too.



Tripper said:


> There always seemed to be a "but" or some other reason the guy was flawed.


Well your lucky she fact finded some flaws. One day super duper unyielding Alpha man may appear to give her more spark than her loving and supportive husband.



Tripper said:


> She has said things like this many times....never phased me...I'm not really the jealous type or get bent out of shape over things like that. I have never said directly to her any woman is good looking or hot....I am guilty of looking sometimes....which brings me to a few weeks ago. We are out shopping at Kohl's and a very...and I do mean _very_ hot woman walked by...short red dress, great legs, great everything....I did my little glance...nothing stupidly obvious....I swear it was a short look....To be honest it had to be a short look because she darted into the racks of clothes just a few feet from us and was gone.


You shouldn't get jealous, bent out of shape, stressed about it. At that point it empowers her over you. I felt like you guys are comfortable with each other to talk like that, you do it too...



Tripper said:


> My wife noticed that I checked her out and was fine until we got home...She asked me why I do that when I'm with her and said it hurts her...and I can understand that..I don't want to hurt her. But whatever I said didn't make it better...and I got kind of mad and finally said.."Then why is it can you say right to my face when you think a man is attractive...RIGHT TO MY FACE!"
> 
> But if I just look it's the end of the world....


Double standards aren't good in any level of friendship. Let her know that you are the woman in her life, but you can see too and you prefer what you have.



Tripper said:


> She had no answer for that.
> 
> Guess what....She hasn't said anything about anyone being hot to me again and as for me.....I try...I try really hard not to look at other women when out with her and usually do pretty good....But then...maybe this is my flaw???
> 
> And she loves me flaws and all, just as I love her


I figured she would stop looking at them or pointing it out. When she was talking about it, it was in her mind... So who knows how she could've processed this information later.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Gotten mad? No, she points them out in case I missed them! I point out the guys to her. Many of these people are also a lot more attractive than we are, and we're not insecure in our relationship so where's the problem?

It's natural to look, and normal to think someone is attractive, without it meaning anything more than that. I look at pretty sunsets, cute dogs, and antique cars - why should an aesthetically interesting woman be so different?


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## Shazz1991 (Jul 31, 2011)

He can look as much as he wants, as long as he doesn't touch (without my permission)!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Maneo said:


> There's a difference between her saying something to you about some guy and you looking over some female when out with her.
> 
> When you are with her and pay attention with a look at another woman I'm betting she feels as if you are demeaning her. In her mind you are paying more attention to the other woman than you are to her when she is right next to you.
> 
> ...


I can see a little validity to what you're saying, but as a whole I must disagree.

Ogling, turning your head, doing a double take is disrespectful and insensitive. The OP clearly described that this wasn't the case. Noticing someone is attractive isn't disrespectful, it's natural. It's what happens after that first "notice" that defines the action.

I don't believe your spouse being there or not being there should make a difference. If you're ogling someone who isn't your spouse, it's disrespectful (to both parties, your spouse and that person LOL) regardless of if your spouse is there. 

When she noticed Channing Tatum, was her husband sitting next to her...probably.

I truly think the OP's wife never made the connection in her mind exactly what HER behavior felt like. This situation made her reassess her behaviors and improve herself. The OP handled it exactly right. He called her out on a double standard. She recognized the double standard and adjustments were made.

Now your challenge OP is to NOT notice other women as much. Next time you're in Kohl's and a woman grabs your attention...INSTANTLY start talking to your wife and looking at her. She will appreciate that. Again, as long as she's giving you the same respect.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Unfortunately, it is not your intentions or discretion that matter. It is how it is perceived. But I still don't like apologizing for being human - or male. If its a regular thing, I can see that as a problem. If it is every now and then, not so much. My DW doesn't see it that way.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If your wife is noticing you checking out the ladies, you need to up your game. There isn't a woman on the planet who believes her man doesn't check out other women (but, she would prefer to think he doesn't). She just doesn't want her nose rubbed in it.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Tripper said:


> I am guilty of looking sometimes....which brings me to a few weeks ago. We are out shopping at Kohl's and a very...and I do mean _very_ hot woman walked by...short red dress, great legs, great everything....I did my little glance...nothing stupidly obvious....I swear it was a short look....To be honest it had to be a short look because she darted into the racks of clothes just a few feet from us and was gone.
> 
> 
> Guess what....She hasn't said anything about anyone being hot to me again and as for me.....I try...I try really hard not to look at other women when out with her and usually do pretty good....But then...maybe this is my flaw???
> ...


That was me in Kohl's! Thanks for the compliment! 








:lol: Just kidding and all kidding aside: It's human nature for EVERYONE, even your wife, to notice the attractive opposite sex. I'm sure you mean no harm, but your wife seems very insecure with herself for some reason. Most men are hard wired to glance, look, stare, oogle, drool over attractive women (pick your category). It just can't be helped. It's not like you're chasing them down and trying to hook up. Your wife needs to look inside herself to figure out why she's feeling this way about your "glances". 

It use to bother me when my hubs did this, but I've grown to really love myself and value myself, so I don't really think twice about it. I know where his heart lies and he is home with me every night! 

Again, it's not a "flaw" you have; it's human nature.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Back in the late 60's, early 70's the mini skirt was in fashion and a few times I was with my wife and some girl would be either bending over or leaning over and BOOM, there it was right in front of you. I learned that when I was with her and something like that happened and you pretty much saw everything she was wearing under the dress, I would say to my wife, "why doesn't she have to bend over like that when she knows she's exposing herself?" It kind of defused the situation and she would say something like "oh she did it on purpose just to show off" which got my ass out of the ringer for looking but my God you couldn't help but look. It was there. It's not like I was running around with mirrors on my shoes, it was the fact that the dress was really short and when you wear something that short, your going to let it all hang out.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Maneo said:


> There's a difference between her saying something to you about some guy and you looking over some female when out with her.
> 
> When you are with her and pay attention with a look at another woman I'm betting she feels as if you are demeaning her. In her mind you are paying more attention to the other woman than you are to her when she is right next to you.
> 
> ...


So it is your position that had the OP told his wife about the hot barista he saw at Starbucks when he discussed his day, that his wife would have not been offended and not thought he was insensitive, but instead would have listened in rapt attention because he was including her through talk?

That seems ... unlikely.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Double standards come to mind here. So its Okay for her to tell you when she sees somebody that turns her head, and speak about other guys, but then has a go at you at you for a quick glimpse.:scratchhead:.

Whats good for the goose.... Na, Only joking its not tit for tat.

Seriously tho, If your walking around with a blindfold on you should be Okay.

I am not naive, I know that there are other women that my husband is going to find attractive, and i have occasionally caught him looking, although i make out that i do not see, but i know.

What i do think is very disrespectful if its done blatantly in front of your face, as i do think its hurtful, and i have to admit if i noticed my husband ogling another woman it would bother me, and maybe make me feel a tad Jealous...... I,m only human.

The thing is at the end of the day there are many handsome men and pretty women out there, and there is no point being blind to that fact.


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## Tripper (Jan 23, 2014)

southern wife said:


> That was me in Kohl's! Thanks for the compliment!
> 
> It's human nature for EVERYONE, even your wife, to notice the attractive opposite sex. I'm sure you mean no harm, but your wife seems very insecure with herself for some reason.


Hahahaha....You are welcome! Loved that dress!!

I think some of this comes from that we are getting older and she may be a bit insecure....But she is in great shape and is as beautiful as the day we met...to me anyway! And I do let her know this daily.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Tripper said:


> Hahahaha....You are welcome! Loved that dress!!
> 
> I think some of comes from that we are getting older and she may be a bit insecure....But she is in great shape and is as beautiful as the day we met...to me anyway! And I do let her know this daily.


Imagine if that was one of us husbands in the avatar. And we have the most extroverted, "out" personality in the world too. A charm with words and communication.

"Well my dear, a chance like this doesn't even come once a lifetime"...


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## Tripper (Jan 23, 2014)

The fact she has said these other men are handsome, good looking or hot really doesn't bother me at all....In fact I find it kind of fun and funny at times.

I know there are men better looking than me and can admit when they are.
I never have ogled, done double takes or stared with obvious lust....just looked.

I was just trying to convey that _to me_ saying directly to your husband or wife that you think someone is hot, cute, handsome or whatever is worse than taking a quick look....But this is only my preception of this.

Just want to add we have been together for over 25 years and have known one another since she was 12..I was 13....She is the love of my life


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## Tripper (Jan 23, 2014)

Tall Average Guy said:


> So it is your position that had the OP told his wife about the hot barista he saw at Starbucks when he discussed his day, that his wife would have not been offended and not thought he was insensitive, but instead would have listened in rapt attention because he was including her through talk?
> 
> That seems ... unlikely.


Thank You!


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Tripper said:


> Okay guys.....Has your wife or GF ever gotten mad at you for looking at an attractive woman?


No, my W has never gotten mad at me for checking out another woman. In fact, she sometimes points them out for me...We both openly appreciate people watching and know when we see somebody that is attractive, of members of both genders. 

She has said when I stop looking, she'll worry what's wrong with me.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Maneo said:


> There's a difference between her saying something to you about some guy and you looking over some female when out with her.
> 
> When you are with her and pay attention with a look at another woman I'm betting she feels as if you are demeaning her. In her mind you are paying more attention to the other woman than you are to her when she is right next to you.
> 
> ...


A distinction, but not a difference


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

For your reference and perusal:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

My wife has never complained to me about this. We BOTH notice other people. We love to people watch....especially when we travel (busy airports are the best). In fact, it is my wife who will say..."Wow, look at that lady...she must work out a lot. She is in great shape. I want to look like that"

Another point, I think women notice other women even more than we do. They notice what the other lady is wearing and how she looks....her shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes...everything!

We all have eyes and we appreciate beautiful people, both male and female. I think it is natural to notice the details of others. Just do it respectfully. When you do, the other person is usually flattered by a quick glance of appreciation. (I know there are always exceptions too)

I remember the saying: "When you are married, you can LOOK at the menu...but you can't ORDER from the menu". I think that describes us. My wife and I are both confident in our marriage. In fact, she seems proud to tell me when other ladies are checking me out. She doesn't get defensive, she just squeezes my hand even tighter and says..."I am so glad I married you."


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ naww.

Hubs was showing me something from his work. His photo was on the document. I commented how sexy he looked. He replied, "You managed to bag this.." I responded, "Well, that makes me a very smart woman." 


As for the looking, I recognize that he has eyeballs. I've never seen him gawk at another woman. That wouldn't be cool with me. There may be a discrete glimpse at times. Cars though? Yes, he will openly gawk.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

We point out who's hot or pretty or sexy or some combination without problems. Openly flirting would mean a slow painful death to me . No I would never EVER intentionally disrespect my wife but just noticing someone and mentioning it hasn't seemed to do that.

And yes she has a "hot" list of celebs which I don't mind.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Wow, this just tells me more about how we BS each other over and over. Everyone is insecure about something. Since my WS's affair I have kept up the same approach to attractive women when we are out and about. 

If driving and I see a looker I might say "hmmmm...." or say nothing and my head turns a little. If walking past a looker I might say under my breath "Good Lord!", just to rub it in a little. But also because I'm stating the bleeding obvious. 

The looker knows she's hot, she knows I've noticed, my WS knows - everyone knows! It's a little different now since the affair and it's like a bit of payback in a way. I'm less subtle by degrees. 

But hey my WS loves attractive younger me, I've seen the FB photos the girls share, I've seen the same pics via e-mail to each other. The POS she slept with is younger and fitter and has a good job - a better model. 

What? I'm going to hold back expressing myself?? And yet I do because I don't want to really hurt her feelings. 

I know when my WS is trying to subtly eye off a bloke. There is no point trying to compete on that outside appearance level when the dude is 30 years younger. You have to accept that your partner will look. You have to be strong and take it - give and take.

The idea that you should negotiate this is nonsense - a little respect will go a long way (even if your partner has cheated in the past). 

When it comes to discussing another male as suggested - someone at the cafe or work or whatever (a regular face), I find that different. Because of the cheating my antennae goes up - naturally.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Tripper said:


> seemed to be a "but" or some other reason the guy was flawed.
> 
> She has said things like this many times....never phased me...I'm not really the jealous type or get bent out of shape over things like that.


Woman here, just thought I would give you a different perspective.

Firstly Mr H and I are both fine with looking at the opposite gender, respectful is the key in my book though. 

But you have said you don't get bent out of shape about her mentioning other men, well that is good of you but perhaps, just perhaps this is not always a good thing. I like my man to show that he has some fire in him, that he does get a bit bent out of shape about it. I want to know that I am his and his alone. 

I was married to a man that didn't bat an eyelid if I checked a man out or another man checked me out. In the end all it said to me was that he was passive and/or wasn't protective of our relationship.
Then when he checked out other women I felt sad because it seemed it was fine for him to look at other women but he could not care less about others looking at me.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> My wife has never complained to me about this. We BOTH notice other people. We love to people watch....especially when we travel (busy airports are the best). In fact, it is my wife who will say..."Wow, look at that lady...she must work out a lot. She is in great shape. I want to look like that"
> 
> Another point, I think women notice other women even more than we do. They notice what the other lady is wearing and how she looks....her shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes...everything!
> 
> ...


This is fine as long as you can make sure your home cooked meal is always more appetizing and never gets boring...

I've never really liked the whole "I'd nail that if I wasn't with you" basic mindset. While it is mostly said in jest, it does have a clear imlication that the marriage paper is all that's standing in the way, and for some people, I'm sure that IS all that's standing in the way.

Sort of along the lines of "It's ok, I know who they come home to every night" Yeah, well where are they going over their lunch hour?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I think it's natural for any man including my husband to look at another woman especially if she's very attractive as long as it's not being done in a disrespectful way. 

Besides umm i may take a peek also ....... that i know he doesnt mind at all


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

When I was younger I think my head was on a swivel but it takes a great deal to get me to notice a woman when I am out and about these days. ****ty does nothing for me, woman covered in tattoo's do nothing for me. What I notice is when a woman is put together well and carries herself with confidence. 

It is rare when my wife notices a guy when we are just out and about. A couple of years ago we were leaving a party with my daughters and we walked by a guy who looked like a "slice of pizza" in shorts and nothing else watering his lawn. My wife said to the girls "Did you guys see that"? My daughters were truly embarrassed for her. "Mom see Dad"? He is right next to you". Not cool.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I've never heard that phrase before. I had to re-read it - was he thin crust with pineapple? I am curious what that means.

Your daughters had your back. Did them calling her on it leave an impression on her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I very rarely talk to my H about other men I find good looking, as it makes no difference in my life because I only have eyes for my H. 
He has told me actresses or singers he finds attractive & considering who they are & that I look nothing like them, it does make me chuckle.
But then again, he doesn't have a type, his likes run the gamut from Tea Leoni to Katy Perry, very different looks & body types. 
He did ask me if I thought Channing Tatum was good looking & I did admit I thought he was.
Come on, the man won the good looks lotto, it's kind of hard to not acknowledge his looks.
Still, my H is the only star of my dreams, he's not perfect but he's mine.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> He did ask me if I thought Channing Tatum was good looking & I did admit I thought he was.
> Come on, the man won the good looks lotto, it's kind of hard to not acknowledge his looks.


:lol: ain't that the truth. You'd have to be blind, dumb and deaf not to notice that guy. Gorgeous face, gorgeous ass


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

I have to say I think it's really gentlemanly when you're out with a guy and he does not check out other women or comment on them in a sexual way. Some really great guys I know have taught me via their actions that it's much classier to focus on the company you are with. 

Maybe it's a little silly and old-fashioned but I appreciate it and want to treat others how I like to be treated.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

She baited you and you took it. 

At the core, she’s wondering if you check her out like that too. So, the way I handle such stuff.
“Yes, I looked and she was hot. I’m married, not dead. And if you’d look for it, you’d find me checking you out a ton more like some dirty old perv.” 

Plant that seed in her head. And she’ll start looking for it and will (I assume) catch you. Now my wife likes to play up to it. She’ll strike compromising poses in public to give me a better view. It’s kind of fun.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> My wife has never complained to me about this. We BOTH notice other people. We love to people watch....especially when we travel (busy airports are the best). In fact, it is my wife who will say..."Wow, look at that lady...she must work out a lot. She is in great shape. I want to look like that"
> 
> Another point, I think women notice other women even more than we do. They notice what the other lady is wearing and how she looks....her shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes...everything!
> 
> ...


I catch my wife looking at other women too. way me then me.

I like to think she is thinking how hot she is, but it is usually she is thinking stuff like i wonder if i would good in that dress or those boots.


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

not even once man. She said I would be dead if I did not look. That said, you have to compliment and show a lot of attention to your women. They live in a world where it is hard to feel secure. They need to know their lover lusts after their bodies and minds.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Decades ago but she is wiser now.


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## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

Maneo said:


> There's a difference between her saying something to you about some guy and you looking over some female when out with her.
> 
> When you are with her and pay attention with a look at another woman I'm betting she feels as if you are demeaning her. In her mind you are paying more attention to the other woman than you are to her when she is right next to you.
> 
> ...


This is just bull****. She's being selfish and this is a huge double standard. 
You shouldn't be checking out girls in front her but it's easy to make a mistake sometimes if something catches your eye. But she makes a conscious decision to tell you about men she finds attractive. Personally, that would drive me nuts.

She thinks she can talk about guys she finds attractive to you, but if you did that to her she would probably go crazy. 
If I were you I would never put up with this.


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## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> I have to say I think it's really gentlemanly when you're out with a guy and he does not check out other women or comment on them in a sexual way. Some really great guys I know have taught me via their actions that it's much classier to focus on the company you are with.
> 
> Maybe it's a little silly and old-fashioned but I appreciate it and want to treat others how I like to be treated.


And it should be the other way around too, instead of his wife talking about attractive guys with him.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

My wife is in an adult jazz dance class, and a couple of times per year they have "watch week", when family/friends can come and see what a class is like, etc. This is separate from the recital at the end of the year.

The teacher is a very nice lady who is a former professional dancer: studied at the Kirov Ballet Academy, five years at Radio City Music Hall as a Rockette, Broadway musicals, etc. Anyway, suffice it to say that she has the dancer's build that you may guess she has. Not the prettiest woman you'll see, but nobody would be able to ignore her walking down the street.

At watch week, two weeks ago, one lady's husband sat there and literally stared at the teacher for the entire hour. He was shameless about it, and if the instructor noticed, then she did a good job of ignoring it.

The *entire* hour! lol


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

sh987 said:


> My wife is in an adult jazz dance class, and a couple of times per year they have "watch week", when family/friends can come and see what a class is like, etc. This is separate from the recital at the end of the year.
> 
> The teacher is a very nice lady who is a former professional dancer: studied at the Kirov Ballet Academy, five years at Radio City Music Hall as a Rockette, Broadway musicals, etc. Anyway, suffice it to say that she has the dancer's build that you may guess she has. Not the prettiest woman you'll see, but nobody would be able to ignore her walking down the street.
> 
> ...


Lol. I bet his wife noticed too!

Wife: "So how was I, honey?"
Husband: "You were there???"


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## inthedoldrums (Feb 21, 2014)

Ummm. Call me old fashioned but the least you can do for your wif is giver her your attention when you are out. She has to deal with all of your hang ups so why not give her an hour or so of you undivided attention. Save the gawking for when you are out with your buddies or alone. Woman have enough to feel insecure about....she shouldn't have to worry about her partner staring at the waitress.


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

Phenix70 said:


> ..He did ask me if I thought Channing Tatum was good looking & I did admit I thought he was.
> Come on, the man won the good looks lotto, it's kind of hard to not acknowledge his looks.


lol, when I first saw him, I thought he was a mild Down's Syndrome.



inthedoldrums said:


> Ummm. Call me old fashioned but the least you can do for your wif is giver her your attention when you are out. She has to deal with all of your hang ups so why not give her an hour or so of you undivided attention. Save the gawking for when you are out with your buddies or alone. Woman have enough to feel insecure about....she shouldn't have to worry about her partner staring at the waitress.


Sigh.. I've never understood that, how does one consciously subdue a subconscious reflex? At least his tact alarm went off when he regained control of his visual cortex. If you want to blame anyone, blame God for not making male specimens instinctively monogamous.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> I have to say I think it's really gentlemanly when you're out with a guy and he does not check out other women or comment on them in a sexual way. Some really great guys I know have taught me via their actions that it's much classier to focus on the company you are with.
> 
> Maybe it's a little silly and old-fashioned but I appreciate it and want to treat others how I like to be treated.


Go ahead and be old fashioned then. I'm a guy who believes chivalry isn't dead, and that's odd, these days.


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

doubletrouble said:


> Go ahead and be old fashioned then. I'm a guy who believes chivalry isn't dead, and that's odd, these days.


Agreed and any man who makes a conscious effort to focus their attention entirely on their companion is worthy of the accolade but I don't believe that an inadvertent, reflexive glance at a waitress's cleavage as she bends down to take your glass is blatant violation of the couple's code of conduct. I guarantee you, if a bronzed Adonis in tight cream shorts sidled up to your partner at waist level to collect the empty peanut jar, she'd cop a look!


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Applejuice said:


> Agreed and any man who makes a conscious effort to focus their attention entirely on their companion is worthy of the accolade but I don't believe that an inadvertent, reflexive glance at a waitress's cleavage as she bends down to take your glass is blatant violation of the couple's code of conduct. I guarantee you, if a bronzed Adonis in tight cream shorts sidled up to your partner at waist level to collect the empty peanut jar, she'd cop a look!


There's always something to be said for our biological wiring. Be discreet and don't make it more important than who you're with. Know the person you're with and respect their heart.


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

Amen Double!


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Applejuice said:


> lol, when I first saw him, I thought he was a mild Down's Syndrome.


Well there's the face ...... and then there's the arse. Did you see him in that dancing movie with the tight wedged red underwear on dancing to Pony? Quite spectacular if I do say so.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> So it is your position that had the OP told his wife about the hot barista he saw at Starbucks when he discussed his day, that his wife would have not been offended and not thought he was insensitive, but instead would have listened in rapt attention because he was including her through talk?
> 
> That seems ... unlikely.


Here is a bit of nuance.

Wife is telling husband AFTER the fact and NOT IN THE PRESENCE of the eye candy man, that she found X attractive (i.e. she has options to raise her worth)

BUT

She always finds a flaw in the man to establish to her husband "but I'm glad to be with you".

She is playing a double game here.

She feels less good when this is done to her IN HER PRESENCE. A minor distinction, but a distinction none the less.

But now she is less open and honest about this and/or stopped the game playing.


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## lilfrost (Feb 24, 2014)

hrmm, as a women, I call that fishing! there is no double standard in a relationship. If she can make comments about men, even with a "but" in there, then you can look at a women. Looking at a good looking women or man is like looking at fine art! you'll look, but you don't take it home. I may be wrong here, but it sounds like she was "fishing" for you to say she is the only one in your life! she sounds also like she has a low self esteem. There are probably a lot of people who will give you advise on this forum in how to make her feel special or what you can do to let her know she is the only one. Use it if you feel you must, but don't change who you are, remember, she married you knowing exactly what she was getting. And as we all know, looking is very different from "Oogling" or making remarks to purposely demean some one. Just my two cents worth!


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

FizzBomb said:


> Well there's the face ...... and then there's the arse. Did you see him in that dancing movie with the tight wedged red underwear on dancing to Pony? Quite spectacular if I do say so.


lol.. If I caught myself deriving pleasure from observing ANY mans 'tight wedged red underwear', I'd immediately don a straight-jacket, connect two electrodes to my forehead and flip the switch! hahaha


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

We have a relationship that allows looking.Mr honeysuckle says " what redblooded male wouldn't look at a lovely pair of boobs" or " you telling me you don't look at a well toned male" I agree with both statements,as long as it is a one way look.
Having said that he found it quite funny that the guy in the supermarket nearly fell off his stool whilst staring at my chest,mr honeysuckle arriving made him nearly fall off his stool. Mr honeysuckle gets quite upset & protective when men wolfwhistle at me though.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Me: "Honey, what's wrong?"

Her: "nothing...."

Me: "I know somethings wrong"

Her: "I see the way you look at those young things.."

Me: (surprised and sincere) "Yeh, I do look, but they don't mean anything. They're not real. You are, and I wouldn't be with anyone but you"

Her: "yeh, right! What bull****!"

Me: "I'm being serious".

Her: "Let's just drop it!"

Me: "ok."


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I think I was tested from the first time we met and have since then been under her radar and called out for it because of what she initially witnessed.

The first time we met, we went to the mall and ate. After eating, we found some chairs along one side of the mall and sat for awhile...people watching and getting to know one another better.
She has made reference that another mall she visits once in a while is referred to as the eye candy mall. We both acknowledged we like to people watch.

We are now engaged and will be marrying in just a few months. A couple of months ago, she brought up her concern to me that she noticed that while we are out and about that I not only look, but stare at good looking women from entrance to exit. That I follow them far too long.
I have since tried to control my compulsion to look too long. If I see someone attractive, I then turn my attention to my fiance. I sometimes think this only compounds and reaffirms that she knows I find another woman attractive, seeing as how I am doing my best to not ogle over a woman by placing my focus on her instead. It gives her immediate notice that I found another woman attractive.

My problem is that during my entire previous marriage of 14 years, I was unsatisfied with our sex life and developed a particular habit of staring/ogling over other women. Now that I am in a very satisfying and fulfilling relationship, I am working the best I can to alter this habit, but will admit it has been quite difficult.

Even the last time out together when I was being much more conscious of my actions, she later called me out for it and I seriously don't recall any particular point where I had more than just a glance.
Part of my problem is that I have trained myself to be quite aware of my surroundings, as situational awareness is vital when carrying a firearm. I guess I am just not as aware of my staring as I think I am.


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## FoodFrenzy (Oct 27, 2013)

I am a woman... it's natural to look. Yes, ogling is rude, but a natural sideways glance at an attractive person is totally normal. Sometimes, my husband and I will point people out to each other because we are comfortable and secure. I know he finds me attractive, but I can't be the only woman in the world he finds attractive... but I CAN be the only woman in the world he is in love with and wants to spend the rest of his life with.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

We ALL notice and look at attractive people, and it's unrealistic to think that there aren't people out there who are either as attractive or more attractive than ourselves.

It sounds to me, though, that you've had a habit of ogling other women and your GF is now super-sensitive to it. Rather than quickly focusing on your GF whenever you spot an attractive woman, allow yourself to notice, appreciate then look away. No need to start making a fuss of your GF. It's just alerting her to something she doesn't need to know.


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