# I cheated and now I cant stop thinking about the person I cheated with



## jondeeremom131 (Dec 29, 2009)

I cheated on my Husband about 5 months ago, and now we are trying to fix our marriage but I can't stop thinking about the person I cheated with. How do I get over this feelings???


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## HopingtoStartOver (Dec 29, 2009)

Have you tried to forgive yourself for what you've done to your husband? You need to make new memories with your husband in order to forget about the past. The fact that he's decided to stay with you should prove how deep his love is for you. Is your love deep enough to overcome temptation ever again?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

You have to let go of the fantasy in your head, remember you weren't living real life with the person you cheated with. We all look good without the every day life we have to live, kids, work, family, laundry and so on.
You have to focus on what you have and the bigger picture of your life with a partner that stands behind you even though you are not perfect, that is who you want to be with....
Really look at him and understand all the good there is in him, fall in love with him all over again.
Be a better partner than you have ever been and you will see he will react in a positive way and the reasons you strayed will seem like a thing of the past
good luck to the two of you


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Everytime you think about him....acknowledge the thought and then push it away. If you just start feeling guilty about thinking about him then he will stay in the front of your thoughts and consume them. You have to say...Ok I thought about him....now move on to the next thing in your day. If you give it importance, it is important. If you treat it like a fleeting thought, then that's what it is.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya well I would say leave your husband until you figure things out.


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

What you are actually thinking about is the fantasy of him, not the reality of the situation. You probably think it was a perfect moment and he was attentive and loving and thought the world of you and made you feel pretty and special. But if you were to leave your husband for him and try to live a life you most likely will see another side of him that is not so perfect. Something had to be missing in your relationship to make you cheat in the first place. Have you and your husband identified this? Have you gone to couples counseling? If not I would recommend it, as well as individual counseling for yourself to deal with your own feeling.


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

oh' and don't leave your husband. Take peoples advice and find out what made you fall in love with him in the first place and find that again. You must understand how painful and difficult this is on him and the fact that he has stayed is a sign of a deep love he must have for you. Stop thinking about that other person and give your husband the love and reassurance that he needs right now to get through this himself.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Remember. If he will cheat with you. He will cheat on you. What you need to be obsessing about is the fact that your husband took you back. And that you definitely didn't deserve the second chance.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Initfortheduration said:


> Remember. If he will cheat with you. He will cheat on you. What you need to be obsessing about is the fact that your husband took you back. And that you definitely didn't deserve the second chance.


:iagree:

You've been given a gift after having trashed your marriage vows with someone willing to intrude on a marriage. Think of that every time you get all wonky about the jerk you betrayed your husband with.

Your thoughts will soon end.


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## bestblu1 (Oct 21, 2009)

Don't forget that the other guy is a cheater. He cheated with you and does not care about your personal integrity or loyalty. He spent time with you because of his personal desire to do something unethical and his perverted sense of selfish satisfaction. He probably said a lot of things that made you feel good about you but he views you as a person that is immoral just like him. Is that the kind of man you want to continue a relationship with? Someone who does not respect you? He does not love you. He loves the thought of what you give to him. He is evil. This is the truth. Accept it and move on in rebuilding your life with the man who really loves you for who you are.

If you still desire him it, you should view your desire for what it really is: a dark side of your personality that needs to be annihilated.


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## emmanual (Jan 4, 2010)

jondeeremom131 said:


> I cheated on my Husband about 5 months ago, and now we are trying to fix our marriage but I can't stop thinking about the person I cheated with. How do I get over this feelings???


I have no sympathy for anyone who feels adultery is the way to make oneself feel better, when you marry it is an agreement with god, the creator of one bond of love of one.

When you betray this, then whatever comes your way in regards to bad luck, is your own downfall.


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## Run4Life (Aug 19, 2015)

I have been searching for understand what happened to me, why I am still thinking about the other guy and how to re-focus on my husband. Your replies (with the exception of the religious one - sorry) were extremely helpful. Thank you!


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

jondeeremom131

Can you give more information on the affair? It's hard to give advice based on the information you provided. I have a list of questions if you care to answer them. If you don't want to answer here you can choose to PM the answers or not answer at all.

How long was the affair?
Is he a co-worker? 
Is he a family friend?
Does your husband know him?
Did you trickle truth?
How was your affair discovered?
Did you love OM? 
Do you love your husband? Be careful with this one.
Are you remorseful?
Are you remorseful you got caught?
If OM wanted to continue the affair would you?
Are you in MC and IC?
Do you have kids? 
Why do you think of OM?
Do you want your marriage?
Or do you want your lifestyle your husband provides?
To what lengths did you hide your affair? Burner phone, friends covering for you?
Do you still communicate with OM?

OM is other man
IC is individual counseling
MC is marriage counseling

Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Also your join date makes me nervous, 2009? I'm inclined to think you joined then to hide your affair. I hope I'm wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It takes time and discipline. It is normal to take some time to get over an addiction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

drifting on said:


> Also your join date makes me nervous, 2009? I'm inclined to think you joined then to hide your affair. I hope I'm wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The post was in 2009 too.....zombie thread....


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

In spite of part of a zombie thread, this is a classic example of how an OM in an affair is viewed vs how WW is typically viewed. (viz, the man is an evil user of the little lamb WW that went astray.)




bestblu1 said:


> Don't forget that the other guy is a cheater. He cheated with you and does not care about your personal integrity or loyalty. He spent time with you because of his personal desire to do something unethical and his perverted sense of selfish satisfaction. He probably said a lot of things that made you feel good about you but he views you as a person that is immoral just like him. Is that the kind of man you want to continue a relationship with? Someone who does not respect you? He does not love you. He loves the thought of what you give to him. He is evil. This is the truth. Accept it and move on in rebuilding your life with the man who really loves you for who you are.
> 
> If you still desire him it, you should view your desire for what it really is: a dark side of your personality that needs to be annihilated.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> The post was in 2009 too.....zombie thread....




Does this mean my questions won't get answered??!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> The post was in 2009 too.....zombie thread....


This appears to be the OP, though now posting under a different name...



Run4Life said:


> I have been searching for understand what happened to me, why I am still thinking about the other guy and how to re-focus on my husband. Your replies (with the exception of the religious one - sorry) were extremely helpful. Thank you!


Sooo... it's now 6 years later and you're still thinking about OM to the degree that you can't properly shift your "focus" to your husband and marriage...?

Damn.

Did your husband discover the affair? Though you sort of implied that he had in your initial post, you failed to explicitly mention whether he did or not.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> This appears to be the OP, though now posting under a different name...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ooohhhh....I see. Carry on!


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

jondeeremom131 said:


> I cheated on my Husband about 5 months ago, and now we are trying to fix our marriage but I can't stop thinking about the person I cheated with. How do I get over this feelings???


Be honest with your husband about your feelings so he can decide if he wants to stay with a person who gives her self away to another guy and still craves for him

But......you wont...........


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This thread is older then my membership....


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> This appears to be the OP, though now posting under a different name...


This could easily be a new poster that just piggybacked on another posters thread.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> This could easily be a new poster that just piggybacked on another posters thread.


True. A bit unclear at this point.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It could be a space time paradox.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jondeeremom131 said:


> I cheated on my Husband about 5 months ago, and now we are trying to fix our marriage but I can't stop thinking about the person I cheated with. How do I get over this feelings???


It takes time. A long time.

How do I know? By experience.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

One reason these threads show up is that there is a "similar threads" feature which lists threads that are similar to the thread you just posted on.

This sometimes brings up very old threads.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

how did you handle high school boyfriends breaking up with you?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Another violation on the Time Space Continuum. Nuke-em from orbit.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Ill bring this up next time I phone in to Art Bells new show when he has Physicist michio kaku on:wink2:


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

G.J. said:


> Ill bring this up next time I phone in to Art Bells new show when he has Physicist michio kaku on:wink2:


Did someone say Michio Bekkaku


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