# Last Week...Sure Divorce...this week Who knows...



## hcromwell (May 4, 2010)

This time last week i sat on a couch opposite my wife...hearing her tell our 2 mutual friends that there was NO WAY for us to reconcile. She would not go to anymore therapy, counselors or retrovaille weekend.

She was done(a sentiment she has slowly but surely been saying more and more) Her friends got on her for sending mixed signals...she had been kissing me recently hello and goodbye...something she had not done in months.

Earlier that day i woke her up and pressed her on the state of our marriage..she has been riding the fence for 2 years. Every time i push it she jumps off on the wrong side. She could not say she loves me anymore...only as father of her kids. I have been hearing this for a while and i got upset. I told her she can leave...find an apt etc. I do not want a divorce but this can't go on like this..

I said we she tell the kids...calling her bluff on this because i was sick of it. We told kids, they cried...we had a horrible next few days.

I made and canceled 2 lawyer appts...she de appt with mediator(she can't afford lawyer)

She slept on couch...i stayed in bed. 

I wrote letter to her therapist...said i don't want divorce...love her and my family...he told her...she came home and we nicely discussed the status again...She said we need to still go to mediation and any therapy sessions for us to be good parents together during this time. She said she was happy i was going to counselor and that maybe if get help...this can work. 

i invited her to come back to bed...first day she said no but then she came back and seems like she is staying back in bedroom.

The thing is...we still have appt with mediator this week...and i asked her why we are going. She said for information. We also still have appt with family counselor to help kids deal.

Needless to say i am confused...

Everyone who knows both of us...says my wife is so lost...and i do know that i push her into things trying to make her feel for me again. When i do she ops for out of the marriage. She said to my sister this week...i can't even care for myself...forget my husabnd


A friend said today...she might be just putting a smile on the same feeling as last week,.or that since she has no way to support herself after a divorce...she is getting cold feet.

I do not want a divorce...even though the writing is on the wall at times...and my friends are all pushing me...but i feel like my wife is lost(or hormonally challenged)....the stress of life is so apparent on her face...cold sores and Rosacea....

She is on birth control that gives her a period every three months....convinced this has a LITTLE something to do with things

if i go to mediator this week...how do i act...there is a small part of me that wants to move on but i am so not going to because of my kids...but what if she wants out...i can't relay stop her...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


any thoughts are appreciated


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## samjin (Feb 28, 2011)

Just be nice and loving to her and don't talk on the state of the marriage. I know how you feel as I am in the same situation but talking about heavy stuff will only drive her away. Be kind, compassionate and fun. Leave your feelings and emotions out of it for right now. Once she sees a confident man who agrees with her, is compassionate and secure she will not leave. Believe me ...talking about marriage and the situation will only driver her away. If she wants to go the the mediator to get information then go with her willingly even though you don't want to go. Just agree with her and make her feel happy and wanted. Patience will be the key for your my friend. Patience will be the key that opens the heart again!


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## hcromwell (May 4, 2010)

so hard for me...i get this advice all the time and i don't listen to it...even though it works. I have done it in short spurts and i know this.

My problem is i want her to act toward me a certain way and it ain't happening.

I will go...play the scene out...and see what happens...neither of us is really in a great position to divorce right now...financially.

Which of course is the other big meatball hanging out there....if she realizes that she can't afford to divorce now...what the hell am i supposed to think?

Good thing i don't think about this too much huh?


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## jollymon (Apr 25, 2011)

Dude I really feel bad for you but you sound like a fairly young guy to be stuck in a 1950's TV show! Woman aren't expected to be barefoot and pregnant anymore! 

Looks like in some of your earlier posts that you and your wife were into a certain lifestyle with the Monopoly money of the last decade. Everybody thought they were rolling in the dough then boom the economy took everybody down! People got pumped up as if they were rich Uncle Pennybags and now they're all confused!

I would totally continue marriage counseling. Rebuild your business, rebuild your marriage too! And man watch what you say in front of the kids. Sometimes it's easier to walk away than let the kids suffer with two miserable people.

Good luck!


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

I am certainly not one to be giving much advice, because I am struggling with my marriage too. But what you say sounds a bit like mine, except it's my husband that is wishy washy in the decisions....

I have finally decided to leave.....not divorce......but move out of state. I am unhappy here, he is in the Army, and want to go back to where we lived before. It's only 6 hours away, so not impossible for him to come see us on weekends. 

Right or wrong, I have no idea. But he has some serious personal issues that he cannot work out with us here. This is basically my last ditch effort to save our marriage. Maybe letting her move out for a bit will help?


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Try taking the kids and going away for a weekend?

But really, give her space emotionally but keep on being a great husband otherwise. Do nice things for her, help with chores/dinner, always give her the option to be involved if she'd like or she can choose not to. Attend whatever appointments she wants you to go to. Perhaps the mediator and spell out a future for both of you that ends in divorce and the grim reality that is foretold will make her realize the marriage is worth saving. Again, until then just be the best man you can be. Go read a relationship book (there are LOTs of suggestions here on the board. I recommend the "Five Love Languages" and "Winning your wife back before it's too late"), start running or working out, have a guy's night with friends, maybe take the family back to church sometime if you haven't in a while. Don't pester her or her friends for information or she might feel trapped or confined.

Just a few thoughts for you. Let me know if you'd like to discuss further.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

I agree with cdbaker. "Winning your wife back before it's too late" is a phenomenal book. It has helped me totally change my situation.


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