# caught my wife kissing a guy



## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

ive been with partner for 9 years and only married for 6 months.
this is what happened. friday night we both went out to a bar and got talking to 2 guys who were very nice and we ended up spending the evening getting drunk and having a good time then me and the wife went home.
the next day my wife had to work and was expected home around 11:30 pm but i woke up and it was 3:30 and not home so I rang with no answer and decided to go and look for her around the bars close to her work then I seen her with one of the guys from the night before kissing so I grabbed him and beat him up.
if Im honest I feel like I deserve this becasue ive never treated her the way she deseved and she has always stook by me.
in the past I always went out with freinds and left her ,and one time I also kissed someone and ive always said mean things to her and threatend to leave her.
she said that this man was so nice to her and they got on very well and he was funny and she could be happy with him but she promised never to go out with him again.

I feel this is a reality check for me bacause I thought no matter how I treated her she would not leave me.
My wife is brazilian and so beautiful, men always look and have open mouths, I really am lucky to have her.

I don't want to loose her so do I forgive and try and make our marrige work ? .... also she said that if I didnt catch them they would of only kissed and gone home and if it would of got seroius she would of told me.
im confused beacause im jelous of the kissing but I love her and dont want her to.
I think if I treat her write and stop being an ******* she will give me a chance


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

You might consider to have this moved to the CWI section.

Your next moves will be very well coached by the people there.
Don't start treating her nice now, the so called Nice Guy approach does not work. She needs to be remorseful to you. But first you need to find out if this is all of the story. Are there more so called Red Flags?


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## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

she swore on our kids lives that this has never happened before and she has never kissed anyone else.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

okey I want to believer her, but you never know, threatened her in taking her to a polygraph test, and if she have something else to confess is better to do it right now, because after the polygraph test there are no second chances, if she confess anything else, it means that there are many other things to confess.


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## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

a polygraph test is like 700 euros and is a bit crazy because she never asked me for one and I think is over the top.
I beleive this is the first because our marrige went sour.
but maybe this happened for the best to show how much our love means.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So you have done this as well. Sounds like you can call it even, and you need to stop being a jerk, and be nice to your woman! How hard is that??


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## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

you are write but I never wanted to be with the women I kissed and my wife could of got serieus with this guy and thats scary but its my fault for pushing her away and im glad i caught them before it did and it makes me think that she is my life and I need to be a man love her


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hmm, you thought you could treat her however you wanted and she'd stick around. Nice. .My ex hb felt the same way and I dumped him; she should probably do the same with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

yes she should but I hope she gives me a chance becasue this has hit me like a train and I can change becasue she is amazing


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Lucky for you the OM didn't pull a gun on you. 

Grow up, fella.


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

If you think the one time she has ever had another mans tongue in her mouth you happened to drive by and catch it, then you are being as naive as they come


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

bingo13 said:


> she swore on our kids lives that this has never happened before and she has never kissed anyone else.


That means nothing, cheaters do this all the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

mablenc said:


> That means nothing, cheaters do this all the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Spend some time reading the threads in the cwi section, and you will read tis in a lot of threads.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> So you have done this as well. Sounds like you can call it even, and you need to stop being a jerk, and be nice to your woman! How hard is that??


Exactly. Sure, maybe she's done this sort of thing before. Maybe this marriage is a trainwreck ready to happen.

But my sincere hope is that this episode is the kick in the ass both of you needed to start seriously working on achieving a healthy marriage.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

how long was she with him that night 4 hrs?

hmmmm,

I smell a rat. 

good for you for kicking his a$$ i know that might not be a popular opinion and I hope you don't get a backlash from it.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> good for you for kicking his a$$ i know that might not be a popular opinion and I hope you don't get a backlash from it.


In the old days the cops would have looked the other way. Now a days, if OM files charges OP is SOL. Hopefully OM will tuck tail and run but in this day in age of filing a lawsuit for easy money.....

I'm all for a good @$$ whooping, I know I deserved one, but unless you're dead broke and have no future assets coming to you, best thing to do is walk away now a days.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

So what the other man said? he did not know she is married?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well it's really not the OM fault, he did not make vows to you, your wife did. He may be sleazy but this is your wife's fault 100%
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bingo13 (Nov 20, 2013)

the other man knew she was married and yes its my wifes fault and I also feel mine for not giving her respect and treating her bad sometimes.
but maybe this has to happen for me to realise and im glad It was only a kiss and not gone on other dates becasue i could of lost her for good.
I just dont know and am confused


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bingo13 said:


> the other man knew she was married and yes its my wifes fault and I also feel mine for not giving her respect and treating her bad sometimes.
> but maybe this has to happen for me to realise and im glad It was only a kiss and not gone on other dates becasue i could of lost her for good.
> I just dont know and am confused


It didn't have to happen like this , but now that it has happened , an opportunity now presents itself.
The opportunity to rebuild a stronger relationship based on solid boundaries , respect and trust.
Firstly there must be no secrets between both of you in order to find out what happened when both of you strayed from each other , exactly why it happened and how each of you feel about issues in the relationship.
Build a solid foundation of open communication , honesty and truth.

It might be a good thing to drop all opposite sex friends and stay away from bars , at least until your relationship is stronger.
You need to focus on her needs ONLY and she needs to focus on your needs ONLY.
Find a good marriage counsellor and both of you should go.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

bingo13 said:


> she swore on our kids lives that this has never happened before and she has never kissed anyone else.


This is one of my favorites because no one would swear on their kids if they were lying, right?

Unfortunately the ones that we hear about on TAM do. 

But it may have been a first time, I hope you can work it out, she does sound like she is a flight risk.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

bingo13 said:


> she swore on our kids lives that this has never happened before and she has never kissed anyone else.


THIS is a red flag. Swearing on the kids lives is supposed to be the heaviest weapon to convince the man of her honesty.

Sadly for her it is common practice among cheaters...


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

bingo13 said:


> the other man knew she was married and yes its my wifes fault and I also feel mine for not giving her respect and treating her bad sometimes.
> but maybe this has to happen for me to realise and im glad It was only a kiss and not gone on other dates becasue i could of lost her for good.
> I just dont know and am confused


Take blame for marital issues, not her going outside the marriage.
You have to understand one thing, that you clearly are not getting.
There is no way you caught her only transgression, she is playing you. The words you tell us she is using, like swearing on the kids lives etc... This is the most common of cheater language, they all say stuff like this. Your wife is lying. 
You can believe what you want, but without her being 100% truthful you have a 0% chance at R with her.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

It's a good thing they decided to stay in a public place to make-out for 4 hours. A place where you were likely to catch them, as opposed to going somewhere to be alone where you would NEVER see them. 

:scratchhead:

Troll, or moron for a wife?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

MrK said:


> It's a good thing they decided to stay in a public place to make-out for 4 hours. A place where you were likely to catch them, as opposed to going somewhere to be alone where you would NEVER see them.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Troll, or moron for a wife?


The story is very strange. I hesitate to call troll but something ain't right here. 

OP's wife make outs in full view in a bar with another guy. OP "beats up" the other guy...in full view of witnesses. No police? No charges? Nothing? What did the other guy do? Take the beating?

This is a weird story.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Even if you treated her bad, she had other options. This is in now say your fault. It's hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry for posting on here but just feel the need to comment based on how some of the replies are all supporting the OP.

Yes cheating is bad and for me even "kissing" is way over the line.

However, OP admits to kissing someone as well and possibly before the wife began kissing others. For me, this is a large elephant/red flag.

Just my two cents.

It always takes two people to get a marriage to be good or bad and yes cheating is always a choice and not something that 'just happened'.

Enough rambling for now.

Hope you both can work this out.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

bingo13 said:


> she swore on our kids lives that this has never happened before and she has never kissed anyone else.


She swore on your kids' lives? There is your very first indication that she's a bald-faced liar.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

How nice can a guy be in 4 hours, with you sitting there?

If you believe her when she tells you this has never happened before, you deserve to "take her back."

Your first mistake was leaving your wife at a bar alone.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

bingo13 said:


> you are write but I never wanted to be with the women I kissed and my wife could of got serieus with this guy


I admire your twisted logic, rationalization and self delusion. It's very creative. Whether or not this rather incredible story is believable or not is besides the point. 



COguy said:


> Your first mistake was leaving your wife at a bar alone.


Pay attention!



bingo13 said:


> we ended up spending the evening getting drunk and having a good time then me and the wife went home.
> 
> decided to go and look for her around the bars close to her work then I seen her with one of the guys from the night before kissing


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