# Loving Her Means Loving HIM



## Minister Donald Graham Jr (Oct 7, 2012)

*I*n the first four years of our marriage my wife and I have had more than our fair share of change. We have changed jobs, friends have come and gone and loved ones have passed away. Some days have been bad, but most days have been good. I firmly believe that there have been more good days than bad because I had my wife to help me. Although our personalities are drastically different, she is my biggest fan, quietly cheering me on and supporting me every single day. If there is any point that I would like to make about being married, it would be that marriage, in and of itself, brings out who you really are. 

Sometimes it's not very pretty. I realized early on in my marriage that I could only be narcissistic for so long before I got called on it. Just ask my wife! Marriage is like being in therapy every single day. You are constantly improving and striving for better from yourself and out of the relationship. This is the equivalent of the vessel being molded by God on the potter’s wheel. As I reflect on the last four years, I am proud of how far we have come, how much we have grown as a married couple, and how much I have matured as a husband. 

I am not ashamed to admit that my relationship with God has been the catalyst to my growth and maturity as a husband. I have learned to embrace Ephesians 5:25 with my whole heart. I now understand what it means to love my wife even when she is being “less than lovable”. I have learned how to freely give of myself and to offer her the best of what I have, and the last of what I own, so that she will not have to go without. Through our heated arguments and disagreements, God has taught me humility. He has given me the wisdom and grace to handle my wife with care during the times when her spirit is broken, and He has given me the words to speak to her heart when she needs encouragement. 

Even as I type these words my heart swells with love for her as I consider how much she has grown in just a short period of time. The change that I was expecting to happen in her overnight is now being perfected before my very eyes with each passing day. I am now witnessing an evolution of growth and maturity that is shaping her character and sharpening her resolve regarding this marriage. When life kicks me in the teeth or hits me below the belt, God uses my wife to speak a word to heal my wounds, encourage me in the faith, and then push me back out there to fight the good fight of faith. She believes in me, she honors me, she loves me, and most of all, she trusts God concerning me. 

How can I not strive to be all that God is calling me to be when I have a wife like that in my corner and by my side? No amount of guessing or assuming will be able to prepare you for how your wife will actually respond to the storms that arise in your marriage. Through all the times of uncertainty, discontent and disappointment the one thing that should remain constant in your marriage is God. He is the reason why we believe in the institution and covenant of marriage, in spite of everything that we have been through. He is the reason why we are able to love our wives like Christ loves the church. He is the reason why we walk by faith and not by sight. Yes it may have taken me a minute, but I finally realize that being married is so much better when you have God to help you through it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mhMF14l8ds


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

List of priorities of who you need to love:

1) Your Creator ...it all has to start with the spiritual fountainhead or else all downhill from the source is parched from lack of water. You cannot grow a field without water.
2) Yourself ... you have to love yourself and be emotionally independent of others, be dependent on yourself and your Creator before anyone can depend on you or love you.
3) Your wife ... she comes next, after you, because if you are not healthy and loving yourself you cannot be a source of strength and love to her and she, in turn, cannot love you. She draws her strength from her husband, who draws his strength from his Creator. 
4) Your children... this is self explanatory. Without two loving parents with a strong marriage centered on a mutual love for the Creator, the children cannot feel loved, secure and nurtured.
5) Extended family... fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers....
6) Close friends
7) Your church family
8) The community at large.

Problem is most men have this priority: Yourself, Work, Hobbies, Kids, Wife, extended family and then the Creator.... = disaster...


A Wife must in turn first love her Creator, Herself, Husband and then her Children. In that order. Problem is most women place there priorities this way : Children, Girl-Friends, Family, Work, Husband when she gets around to him and then herself when she gets around to her. And then she wonders why she gets worn out after ten years and resentful of her life.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Whatever works, IMO, so I'm glad to hear that your marriage is growing well. We're "devout" atheists, so our approach is different, but is working just as well. I agree with bandit's priority list too, except we take out 1 and 7.


----------

