# I'm stuck and frustrated!



## mistiq (Mar 18, 2013)

We will be married 6 years this year. Together for 8 years. I have 5 kids, 2 from a previous marriage. Our marriage is in a downward spiral for the last 3 years. I have said so many times I want out, but financially it is impossible. It is absolute agony to live in the same house as my husband. We are not talking for the last 3 days - this has happened so many times before, he just ignores me and I am so tired and emotionally drained from it! We haven't had sex for the last 3 weeks, he is always tired! 

I have been suffering from depression in the past, especially after my youngest child was born. It became so bad that I tried to commit suicide 3 times, I still say through all those times my husband pushed me to it. He takes on this "no care" attitude, ignores me, make as if I'm some kind of nut and it is all my fault. He never romances me, never make me feel special in any way. He is never emotionally there for me when I need it. To him just the thought of him being home and helping with the kids is enough and think I am expecting a fairy tale. We have been to counseling last year. It did me good, I stopped taking my anti depressants, I have not had severe depression since, I really tried hard to overcome it and I am glad to say I did. But, the counseling did nothing for him. He never did what the psychiatrist asked him to do. Every time he makes up lame excuses on why he doesn't do anything. I stopped going to the sessions as I felt it was no use.

As for the last couple of days, I am extremely stressed out. My youngest was with me for the last two weeks, because he was sick and I had to work in between caring for him. My husband thinks I have no reason to be stressed and says it is not so tough to look after him. I have a full time job where I have to meet deadlines, it is very stressful and having a child at home with me while trying to juggle everything around? It really took it's toll. On the other hand, my husband have a very laid back job, he is home everyday at 3 already, doesn't work on weekends, and fridays he's home at lunch! What does he do when he gets home? Take a nap!!! I'm the one that should be tired, working late hours sometimes to finish my work. He never notice it, doesn't bother him.

So, last fight started friday night when he fell asleep while I was talking to him. I felt like crap. It feels to me that I am not important to him, that he finds me boring or he is just not interested. He says it is not the case and he's just tired, but I can't see of what? He sleeps almost every afternoon! We haven't been talking ever since. Normally I will still be talking trying to pull things out of him to try and find a solution, but this time I just don't. It feels like I don't have the energy or the will to do it. I just feel like I'm done and he couldn't care less. It feels like a part of me died and I am numb, though I still hurt like hell and feel frustrated to be here and I can't go anywhere.

The other thing is the kids, his kids, are so attached to him it's unbelievable. He does everything for them and because of that, they have no discipline. They do not listen, they throw tantrums and daddy comes to the rescue. It feels like I am pushed totally out of their lives, they don't even say goodbye to me when they leave for school and it breaks my heart, because I have done nothing wrong. I only try to raise them right and not do everything for them, but their dad does, so I guess he's the hero. My kids from a previous marriage I handle like I do and they are thriving and I have no problems with them, besides that it feels there is a dividing between them and the others.

I am so stressed out the last couple of days. I am depressed once again and I feel anxious all the time. I never though I would experience these symptoms again, but I am shaky, I feel dizzy and my mood is on the ground. I don't know how to handle the situation. I feel like I just wana run and hide, but I can't go anywhere! And being here in the same house as him, just make things worse. I feel like I'm at breaking point and the one person who is suppose to stick with me, don't care at all!


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