# Secret Texting



## Sprank03 (Sep 9, 2013)

Hello all. My first ever post to a bulletin board. I felt like I have been crazy until I started reading other posts. I'm going to try an condense this. My wife and I have been going to counselling for a couple of months now. The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past. I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men. I have always felt she gets flirtatious with other men when she drinks. Plus, she does not seem to think it is improper for her to have texting conversations with other men, and not inform me about it. She says I should just trust her completely.

So in counselling we both agreed that she would tell me about any conversations with men she was having. This was to help me work on my trust issues. So in our session and at home I asked if there was anyone other that the one other man I was aware of and she said no.

Fast forward several weeks and I felt things were getting better. Until I was traveling for business and decided to look at my cell phone bill online. Long story short, I find out she is texting another man, clustered when I am travelling. I confronted her about it and she said that there is nothing going on but she has been texting him back and forth for about a year. She said she didn't want to tell me because she new I didn't like him.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Am I being irrational for expecting my wife to not have private conversations with other men? I don't have private conversations with other women, because I know how I feel. My mind is going in 100 different directions and I am loosing it. Any insight?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

ALL texting is one guy?
Kids? 
Approx ages?
Other red flags?

NO MORE CONFRONTS!

VARs

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or the aisle with the fasteners like screws.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for three men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR ELECTRONIC EVIDENCE. They were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful.

Look for a burner phone. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone"

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Wanted to get that up for you quick so it doesnt get buried. Hi Im resident cheating wife buster.

With 20 under my belt so far I am good at this. Steel yourself this COULD be ugly.

Type of phone? 
Locked?
Share plan?
Carrier?

More distant?
Issues that happened in the past? She cheated before? Did you?

5 being median, how hot is she?
How often do men hit on her in front of you.
Are you or she hotter?

Her job?
How much you travel?
How much no kids free time does she have?

who is this man?
Got a name?
Did she say who he is?
Got a phone number? Im disturbingly good at finding people in the US. PM me the number Ill do a dum dum call IF you want.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

Two things....

First, follow the advice above and see how deep this goes. Men don't text women dozens of times a day out of shear friendship. 

Is there inappropriate talk, do they talk about her marriage (big no-no), do they flirt, exchange photos, full-on sexting? Have they met and has it turned physical? You need to know the extent before you confront her again.

Secondly, I think private conversations with people of the opposite sex are inappropriate regardless of how plutonic it might be. If they can't carry on these conversations in your presence, then they shouldn't be having them. Fire your counselor and get one that understands boundaries.

At some point you are going to have to put your foot down about this. Wait until you have investigated thoroughly, but even if you don't find anything incriminating the behavior still must stop. Do not negotiate on this, either the texting stops or you are out! 

Period.


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

Honestly know i feel its not right that your wife is having private text sessions with other men and not telling you about it. What does she have to hide. Once your married privacy kinda goes out the window. You should know about every email, facebook and who your spouse is talking to especially if it involve another man. 2nd its pretty disrespectful she has been talking to another man for over a year and she knows you don't like him. Ok another women ok i would give her that but another man NO. She may not be cheating but with what you explained and how she views her boundaries leaves it all up to a possibility. You need to find out what these conversations are with these other men, she shouldn't be defensive about it either. If she was open with you wouldn't be as distrusting but she gives you every reason to not be trusting atm. Is she a stay at home or does she work? Sounds like you spend some stints out of town as well. Do you notice if she talk to them other then texting? Hows the sex life? You do have some scary red flags that need more investigating i will say. But keep it under the radar and investigate. She catches on she could easily take this underground and make if extremely difficult to catch if she is. Go into Ninja/Detective mode and try to act normal. Others will comment who have better sights to visit and stuff to read. Plus you can get alot of info you need by reading other peoples unfortunate situations as well.

I see weightlifter got first response in. He knows his **** he was the first responder to my issues as well. he is a good cat as with many others.. Good luck


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You may want to step back and reevaluate this marriage. Forget the counseling that is waste of money right now. Ask her if was the other way around with you texting other women would that be ok.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

If I see a woman texting a man repeatedly, not her husband, something VERY INAPPROPRIATE is going on. She's lying to you. You don't like him. That may be the truth, but she does. She likes him in a way that could end your marriage.

Be wise and calm. Key logger is a good idea.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Texting another man for a year, means a very well established relationship. You have all rights to doubt her. 
start reading here

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

No, you are not being irrational. She admitted to texting another man and hiding the texting because she know you would not like it. If she knew you would not like her texting the guy, why did she go ahead and do it anyway, in violation of a boundary she agreed to in counseling? Textbook deceitful, disrespectful and selfish behavior. 

You do not trust her completely because she does not behave in a trustworthy manner. Ask her if it would be OK with her if you were flirting with and texting with other women? 

You may want to do some more investigation before you confront. Put a voice activated recorder in her car (see Weightlifter's post), put a keylogger on her computer, and some spyware on her phone. You will be able to find threads on this forum with good information to find and use these tools. 

Hope things work out for you.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

"The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past. I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men. "

I somehow get the feeling you blame yourself for not trusting her, when she has violated your trust and well you should not be trusting her. Don't feel guilty about that.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

One of the most important things while you get this under control:

NO MORE CONFRONTS!
You have poo for evidence
Weak confronts lead to disaster.

***IF*** there is something going on. Your next confront will be crushing, overwhelming and will break her resistance utterly. FROM THERE you decide D or R.

***It is paramount that you play dumb husband as you get things into place.***


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Its time you drew your line in the sand---no counseling, no more talk

Give her an ultimatim---STOP TALKING TO OTHER MEN COMPLETELY---OR THIS MGE IS OVER

The definition of mge---is 2 loving each other, having each others back's and going thru life together---it doesn't include a married woman COURTING AND ENCOURAGING TALK/ DISCUSSION/ ANYTHING WITH OTHER MEN

You need to put a stop to this RIGHT NOW---if she doesn't like it---that's too bad---ask her does she wanna be D and single, with all that comes with being single as opposed to being married---if so---tell her you will be more than happy to set her free and she can talk to all the men she wants 24/7--------

Also point out to her---that you hope they, these other men, will do a good job taking care of her, and meeting all of her needs, that need to be met in REALITY---such as food/bills/care of home/care of cars/insurances/kids if you have them----tell her you hope they will do all of those things for her---cuz as of now---YOU ARE STOPPING ACTING YOUR PART AS A H-------she is on her own---and you hope she handles her every day life, and is happy with it, as she talks to her lovers----by the way---in doing this, you cut her off from all marital money, and CC's.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Secret texting and lying to you about it is unacceptable. She has proven that all your trust issues are justified.

The comment that she did not tell you the truth because she knew you didn't like him is very telling. It means that she places more value on her conversations with this OM than she does honesty with her husband. Very selfish and entitled.

Is this guy local? Is it possible that she is meeting him while you travel for business?

What ever happens - you are not over reacting.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

WHy don't you like this guy? How do you know him?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

She has been text him for a year. My friend I hate to tell you this but I am going to be honest. I don't see a reason why a man would stay in an EA for a year with a Married woman unless they had been intimate. A year is a long time for them to just text especially if he is withing driving distance of your wife. Start looking for evidence and fire your councilor. I would be willing to bet your wife has been lying this whole time. councilors can only help is everyone is being honest. IF they are not being honest then the councilor can be manipulated into giving bad advice. I would mention this to your councilor and I would make my wife hand over her phone to see what the hell was so bad that she couldn't tell you about it. I would tell your concilor that your wife has been lying to you and him/her and that you know there is another man she is talking to behind your back. If the councilor doesn't change his/her opinion fire him/her.


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## bacagain (Sep 9, 2013)

weightlifter.........where were you with all this information 2 years ago? My goodness. I could have caught my cheating husband a long time ago! I read your instructions twice and while I was amazed at what is out there I had to chuckle just a bit. Even though i have countless emails of proof I would still be tempted to put a listening device in his car to hear his convos! ( angry icon entered here!! )


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## bacagain (Sep 9, 2013)

Sprank03............where there is smoke there is fire......where there are secret text there is an affair of some sort........


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sprank03 said:


> Hello all. My first ever post to a bulletin board. I felt like I have been crazy until I started reading other posts. I'm going to try an condense this. My wife and I have been going to counselling for a couple of months now. The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past. I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men. I have always felt she gets flirtatious with other men when she drinks. Plus, she does not seem to think it is improper for her to have texting conversations with other men, and not inform me about it. She says I should just trust her completely.
> 
> So in counselling we both agreed that she would tell me about any conversations with men she was having. This was to help me work on my trust issues. So in our session and at home I asked if there was anyone other that the one other man I was aware of and she said no.
> 
> ...


Any time I see flirt, drinking and jealousy I think blame shifting BS. You may have issues, but why the heck would you contact someone your spouse dislikes? I have never understood this argument. If it is every guy she works with, talks to or knows it is an issue. If it is a particular person, especially one with a history or secret texting your marriage is more important in my eyes.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What were the events in the past you mentioned?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry, I forgot to ask about the prior issue. It sounds like you rug swept another big issue that has led to your current problem. No, I am not blaming you, but when you don't address a wound it can fester and become infected.



> The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past. I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men.


This sounds like a trust issue that was somehow turned into your fault. Now, months (years?) later it has returned and you are now blaming yourself.


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## Sprank03 (Sep 9, 2013)

I am so surprised by the responses. Thank you all. I'll do my best to answer the questions.

First - It was never that I did not like the guy, I just felt that when we were in a group setting (our sons' Cub Scout meetings) that he was interested in her. She said he is just nice. NOW I don't like him.

As for the issues in the past, 12 years ago, she was working and started going out a lot after work. It was happening several times a week, and I was NEVER invited. I even asked her one time if she could come home so we could be together, and she agreed that morning. Then called me that evening to say she was going out. And it was always, not too late. Until she would be getting home around Midnight. Yes I swept this under the rug. I thought I was loosing her. She ended up getting laid off, and that obviously ended it. But, from that point on, I would always wonder what was going on.

As for this other guy, his kid was in our Cub Scout Pack, and he would be at school for hot dog day. My wife does run the hiking program for Scouts, so many people will have her number in case they get lost, or have questions regarding the hike. Which is fine, but once it moves to casual conversations, I feel that is crossing a line.

So I asked her to see the text messages, and what picture did she send? She said that she periodically cleans out her texting and it is gone. She says that it is fluff, and that the picture was something from Pintrest. How can I believe her?

Now I am trying to look for his wife, because I think she needs to be aware of this. Thoughts?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Good idea
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Sprank03 said:


> I am so surprised by the responses. Thank you all. I'll do my best to answer the questions.
> 
> First - It was never that I did not like the guy, I just felt that when we were in a group setting (our sons' Cub Scout meetings) that he was interested in her. She said he is just nice. NOW I don't like him.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Deleting the messages is a very bad sign. Time to set up the vars.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sprank03 said:


> As for the issues in the past, 12 years ago, she was working and started going out a lot after work. It was happening several times a week, and I was NEVER invited. I even asked her one time if she could come home so we could be together, and she agreed that morning. Then called me that evening to say she was going out. And it was always, not too late. Until she would be getting home around Midnight. Yes I swept this under the rug. I thought I was loosing her. She ended up getting laid off, and that obviously ended it. But, from that point on, I would always wonder what was going on.


 Was this brought up in counseling and what was said?



> As for this other guy, his kid was in our Cub Scout Pack, and he would be at school for hot dog day. My wife does run the hiking program for Scouts, so many people will have her number in case they get lost, or have questions regarding the hike. Which is fine, but once it moves to casual conversations, I feel that is crossing a line.
> 
> So I asked her to see the text messages, and what picture did she send? She said that she periodically cleans out her texting and it is gone. She says that it is fluff, and that the picture was something from Pintrest. How can I believe her?


My wife was team mom for football. There was contact, but I draw the line at sending pictures. I actually saw the picture she had sent to her "friend." It was her shoulder where she had just got a fake tattoo. I told her that's a gateway to asking for more risque pictures. No, it isn't just fluff especially if you guys are in counseling.



> Now I am trying to look for his wife, because I think she needs to be aware of this. Thoughts?


Yep, but I'd investigate a tad more before blowing up his family.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

She deletes all her texts and still has the gall to complain you don't trust her.

Absolutely let the OM's wife know.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> She deletes all her texts and still has the gall to complain you don't trust her.
> 
> Absolutely let the OM's wife know.


Definitely speak to the OMW.

And when your wife gets angry or accusing you of not trusting her just say this "Honey, it is not that I don't trust you it is that I don't trust him!"

HM


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dont talk to omw Yet. You will drive her underground.
Get your ducks in a row. My instructions usually take less than two weeks to clarify the situation.

Baca. 2 years ago... LOL not here. I ended up replacing the last VAR goon who left about february-ish. Ah for a time machine with what i know now. Then again if i get a do over i want to go back to 1979.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You should have put the foot on the brakes with her always going out and you being at home. Once in a while is fine but when it becomes a habit, you have yourself to blame. You chose to look the other way so now it's texting and talking and she thinks that it's perfectly fine and why not. You didn't do anything before and the way she see's it your going to do nothing about it now. If you continue this route, your going to be in big trouble.

Better sit down with her and give her a new set of rules that this sort of thing is stopping as of now. No exceptions and any argument will fall on deaf ears. If she says no, then tell to have fun in your new single life and don't come back because there will be nothing to come back to. Make sure that she see's that you are as serious as a heart attack and do not compromise. Look where that got you.


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## hereinthemidwest (Oct 7, 2010)

With out reading one post except yours....I thought wow...This GUY just thought to look up his online bill??? NO NO You were lead to look it up. You KNOW the answer whats going on is about to. Hugs my friend, it
a long journey.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Sprank03 said:


> Hello all. My first ever post to a bulletin board. I felt like I have been crazy until I started reading other posts. I'm going to try an condense this. *My wife and I have been going to counselling for a couple of months now. The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past.* I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men. I have always felt she gets flirtatious with other men when she drinks. Plus, she does not seem to think it is improper for her to have texting conversations with other men, and not inform me about it. She says I should just trust her completely.
> 
> So in counselling we both agreed that she would tell me about any conversations with men she was having. This was to help me work on my trust issues. So in our session and at home I asked if there was anyone other that the one other man I was aware of and she said no.
> 
> ...





Sprank03 said:


> I am so surprised by the responses. Thank you all. I'll do my best to answer the questions.
> 
> First - It was never that I did not like the guy, I just felt that when we were in a group setting (our sons' Cub Scout meetings) that he was interested in her. She said he is just nice. NOW I don't like him.
> 
> ...


Dear Sprank03,

Let me tell you (and all the other guys and gals in similar situations who are lurking here) something important.

You are a victim of one of the oldest marriage scams in the books -- the blame shifting scam -- and it's all your fault.

Consider the statements that I've bolded in your two posts above. In the first, you say the the "main issue" being dealt with in MC was her complaint that you don't trust her. In the second, you explain that you don't trust her because, 12 years ago, she engaged in behavior that -- let's be honest -- led you to believe that she might be cheating on you.

Now let's reverse the order of the statements. If, first, you had said, "12 years ago, my wife behaved in a manner that led me to believe that she was cheating on me," and then said, "so we eventually ended up in MC because she got tired of me not trusting her," everybody reading would have immediately said, "Dude, of course you can't trust her so why in the world would you be in MC over that and not over the fact that she has been acting for the last 12 years like an adulterous wife?"

That, in fact, is the question, why _were_ you in MC over "trust" issues when in fact you suspect your wife of cheating on you in the past and possibly now?

I think you know the answer: because when you first suspected her of cheating -- and every single day of your marriage since then -- rather than confronting her, getting to the truth and giving her the choice of respecting her marriage vows or walking, you chickened out and instead _hoped_ that she would eventually stop and that everything would return to what your marriage was like before it all happened.

But here's the point: people who behave badly don't just stop behaving badly because you want them to. In fact, not giving them consequences for behaving badly only emboldens them to behave even worse. This is why parent discipline their children for bad behavior. This is why employers penalize employees for bad behavior. This is why society punishes criminals for bad behavior. Why would you think it would be any different with your wife (and to all you lurkers out there, why do _you_ think it will be any different for _you_).

The lesson, if you care to learn it, is that, when you have a problem, you need to deal with it right away. If you wait, it will likely only get worse. If you had confronted your wife _the very first time_ she came home late with no good excuse and told her that that was unacceptable to you, she likely would have learned her lesson and you wouldn't be in the mess you are today.

So what should you do now? Take the advice of the others and hope that that solves your problem. However, in truth, the chances are that your marriage is so screwed up over this that it will take years to fix it, if it even can be fixed.

As you may have gathered, I'm a bit frustrated by your situation. The reason is that, day after day, guys (mostly) come to TAM with stories like yours and ask what they should do _now_ when, in fact, they should have done something _years ago_. A few of them eventually fix their marriages but most either end up divorced or learn to live in marital purgatory. And the sad thing about it is that it all could have been avoided if they had just had the courage to speak up when the problem first raised its ugly head.

The next time you see a problem brewing in your life, do something about it immediately. It will save you a lot of heartache down the road.

Good luck to you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Sprank03 said:


> Hello all. My first ever post to a bulletin board. I felt like I have been crazy until I started reading other posts. I'm going to try an condense this. My wife and I have been going to counselling for a couple of months now. The main issue was her complaint of my lack of trust for her due to things that happened in the past. I agree that I am a jealous husband, and in the past I didn't communicate with her well regarding how she handles herself with other men. I have always felt she gets flirtatious with other men when she drinks. Plus, she does not seem to think it is improper for her to have texting conversations with other men, and not inform me about it. She says I should just trust her completely.
> 
> So in counselling we both agreed that she would tell me about any conversations with men she was having. This was to help me work on my trust issues. So in our session and at home I asked if there was anyone other that the one other man I was aware of and she said no.
> 
> ...


This is how they get closer to the other person.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Sprank, I don't have the time for making a long post but the signs are not looking good. Your wife is very likely cheating. the worst part is , she is manipulating you through your guilt. 

The past issues are something she should be taking the blame for. You were not wrong on how you reacted to her actions. I think at this point, you should snopp to the fullest you can(keyloggers and VAR) to get the truth.

If she has a smart phone, you can likely recover all the media she sent through it. If you cannot, atleast the threat of doing it will help you.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

If it looks like crap, smells like crap, then most likely it is crap. There is no need for a spouse to be contacting the opposite sex and sharing pictures while deleting and covering up there tracks.(especially if the contact increases with you out of town). She will get away with what you let her get away with.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

As a general rule, a guy doesn't spend that much time (over a year) texting/calling a woman unless he's getting something out of it.

Also deleted texts are a bad sign.

Before you contact the guy's wife, (which you definitely should do) find out just what they're talking about. Depending on the phone, you should be able to retrieve the content of the deleted messages. Someone more tech-savvy here knows how to do that. Also VARs are a must at this point. Do all of this quietly. Don't drive the affair underground before you can find out what's going on.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Sprank03 said:


> As for the issues in the past, 12 years ago, she was working and started going out a lot after work. It was happening several times a week, and I was NEVER invited....As for this other guy, his kid was in our Cub Scout Pack...She said that she periodically cleans out her texting and it is gone. She says that it is fluff, and that the picture was something from Pintrest. How can I believe her?
> 
> Now I am trying to look for his wife, because I think she needs to be aware of this. Thoughts?


My thought is that you're only aware of 10% of what she's been up to for the last dozen years. You know, like an iceberg:









If you want to get to the bottom of the other 90%, start acting like all is forgiven and go into investigation mode. Even if she ends this one, she'll start another one soon. How old are your kids?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> My thought is that you're only aware of 10% of what she's been up to for the last dozen years. You know, like an iceberg:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


DNA test the kids just in case.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

happyman64 said:


> Definitely speak to the OMW.
> 
> And when your wife gets angry or accusing you of not trusting her just say this "Honey, it is not that I don't trust you it is that I don't trust him!"
> 
> HM


Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh..............she has totally lied for over a year to her husband and their counselor. There is a lot more to this. He needs to investigate before he confronts.

What kind of phone does she have? Deleted message can be retrieved from many smart phones.


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