# Feeling so empty :(



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

I wake up everyday with anxiety. I'm afraid one day I am going to have a panic attack or a heart attack. All I think about 24/7 is this separation. I can't focus on anything else. I feel like I have nothing to offer and no interests at all.......like there is no other feeling inside me but sadness.

Yesterday, H picked us up for our sons baseball tournament. Spent the whole day at the baseball field, then went out to dinner. When we got home, he helped bring some things in the house. When he was leaving, he kissed me goodbye. I said he can stay for a bit if he wants, Well he said he had laundry to do (yeah right) and left. 

He mentioned he wants to go to marriage counseling to see if it can help our relationship. This is the only thing that is giving me a glimmer of hope that we can work this out. I don't know if he is just stringing me along or what. I'm going to make an appointment this week and see how it goes. I'm so afraid to do this.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

jenny there is no harm in trying- it may help clarify things for you. being in limbo is worse than having a path forward
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

I've been in limbo about 8 months. I feel your pain. I'm not dealing at all 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Jenny I wake up every morning feeling the same way you do. My husband still lives in the house but sleeps in the spare room. Every day without fail, he does something hurtful... I want him to move out. I've had enough.

I want to see the sunshine in my life again.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

I think moving forward to counseling regardless of what he does is important. It may work and it may not. My wife went for about eight months, but never really applied it. She chose to stop counseling because it wasn't working for her. I continued my own counseling without her. 

I could have focused my anger at her for stringing me along during counseling, and allow anxiety about my future consume me. My sister said fear is nothing more than "False Expectations Already Realized". Try to focus on what you can control, not what you can't. Sometimes you will fail, but the more you do the more you succeed. 

I continued to work on myself in between my emotional lows, and worked on avoiding F.E.A.R. I learned a-lot about myself that needed fixing. I will always remain flawed, but I can now minimize the behavior that is destructive to my future relationships. After doing this for about 18 months, I started unknowingly looking to the future, and saw there are better days ahead. I saw that if my wife leaves me, I will find someone else who wants to receive and give love to and from me. It doesn't mean I don't hurt anymore, and it doesn't mean that one day you wake up and everything just feels great. It's a gradual process that I think you can speed up by taking care of yourself while trying counseling with the H. I am not a counselor but this is my experience as I am living it now.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

unsure78 said:


> jenny there is no harm in trying- it may help clarify things for you. being in limbo is worse than having a path forward
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




You are so right. When he first told me he wanted a separation, he denied counseling and I couldnt wait for him to get out of the house because there was so much tension. It was "final". Now that he's out, he mentions going to counseling, so now I feel like I an in limbo not knowing what his true intentions are. It is horrible.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Jenny I wake up every morning feeling the same way you do. My husband still lives in the house but sleeps in the spare room. Every day without fail, he does something hurtful... I want him to move out. I've had enough.
> 
> I want to see the sunshine in my life again.


I know the feeling. My H was in the spare room up until a week ago. It was about 7 weeks living under the same roof and it was a nightmare.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Andy968 said:


> I think moving forward to counseling regardless of what he does is important. It may work and it may not. My wife went for about eight months, but never really applied it. She chose to stop counseling because it wasn't working for her. I continued my own counseling without her.
> 
> I could have focused my anger at her for stringing me along during counseling, and allow anxiety about my future consume me. My sister said fear is nothing more than "False Expectations Already Realized". Try to focus on what you can control, not what you can't. Sometimes you will fail, but the more you do the more you succeed.
> 
> I continued to work on myself in between my emotional lows, and worked on avoiding F.E.A.R. I learned a-lot about myself that needed fixing. I will always remain flawed, but I can now minimize the behavior that is destructive to my future relationships. After doing this for about 18 months, I started unknowingly looking to the future, and saw there are better days ahead. I saw that if my wife leaves me, I will find someone else who wants to receive and give love to and from me. It doesn't mean I don't hurt anymore, and it doesn't mean that one day you wake up and everything just feels great. It's a gradual process that I think you can speed up by taking care of yourself while trying counseling with the H. I am not a counselor but this is my experience as I am living it now.


Very good advice and I will try to live by it but I know it will be hard. I wish I had your strength. I just can't seem to focus on anything but him. 

He sent me a text the other day asking how I am doing. He says he knows this sucks and he is sorry. I just think he wants me to say I'm OK so it will ease the guilt on his part. I just ignored it. Meanwhile I wanted to say I am sad, angry, disappointed, and I feel rejected and betrayed. I guess this will all come out in counseling.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

Just hang in there. Strength will come to you. I know how you feel when you say you don't have any. I felt that way for 18 months. I actually feel that way tonight, boooooo!. A huge weight on my shoulders constantly applying pressure, never a break. Just take it one day at a time, and at some point the weight will seem easier to lift. It is hard, heavy, but easier. You get emotionally stronger as time goes by. Keep hoping for the best, focus on being raalistic, and anticipate bad news. Hope keeps us going, but being prepared helps us get back up when we our expectations are not met. I know this sounds so cliche, but it does help. Keep your head up.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

jenny123 said:


> I wake up everyday with anxiety. I'm afraid one day I am going to have a panic attack or a heart attack. All I think about 24/7 is this separation. I can't focus on anything else. I feel like I have nothing to offer and no interests at all.......like there is no other feeling inside me but sadness.
> 
> Yesterday, H picked us up for our sons baseball tournament. Spent the whole day at the baseball field, then went out to dinner. When we got home, he helped bring some things in the house. When he was leaving, he kissed me goodbye. I said he can stay for a bit if he wants, Well he said he had laundry to do (yeah right) and left.
> 
> He mentioned he wants to go to marriage counseling to see if it can help our relationship. This is the only thing that is giving me a glimmer of hope that we can work this out. I don't know if he is just stringing me along or what. I'm going to make an appointment this week and see how it goes. I'm so afraid to do this.


Jenny....I understand your feelings....I've lived in limbo 15 months now. It consums my every thought. I have no ambitions or desires any more. You have interaction and possibilities that your husband wants to try and work it out. I had nothing after 22 years from my husband. Use those positives as your source of strength. 

Hang in there....work on you as it will bring more positivity to your situation and possible R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I've ben in limbo for about 18 months when I thought we were reconciling but he was still saying ILYBINILWY also didn't know he wa back with ow. Then he left me 2 months ago and I found out it was for ow and he wanted a divorce. So for two weeks I was not in limbo. Then he strarted wondering if this was a mistake and started going to IC and spending time with me. Back in limbo. He doesn't know what he wants not sure if he can be happy with me and still has the OW. I'm trying to work on me but I just keep hanging on for his crumbs. Why do we love people who could be so cruel to us? We've been together for 22 years and he doesn't know if he can accept me for who I am. Maybe you could have told me that before you cheated on me or hell before you married me. I feel like the years of his affair were stolen from me and letting him continue to steal from me now because I won't let go and recognize that I don't deserve this and that he's the f'ed up one in this. not me. Sorry this is the second time today that I've thread jacked with my vents. I'm feeling sorry for myself on a Monday. Not a good start to the week.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Limbo is the absolute worst place to be. I totally know how you're feeling and can remember it well. The most growth you can do for yourself at this point (whether or not it helps the relationship it's beneficial) is work on YOU. Jump into an exercise routine to help your endorphins get moving, make sure you're eating right, spend time with friends, vent, talk it out to SOMEONE, but not him. Pick up some new interests. Be prepared for the worse case scenario and start living your life that way. Once he sees you detach and start moving away, he might come closer. But even if he doesn't, you've worked on you which will take away the emptiness (well that and TIME) and get back some of your self-worth. You've probably forgotten who you are as a person. While he's off doing whatever, you need to use this time as well. Don't accept the minimum he's giving you. Make him wonder, and put your foot down in regards to respect. He can't just come and go as he pleases or string you along with offers of marriage counseling. He needs to follow through. Make an appointment for that and let him know when and where to call his bluff. And do get counseling for yourself. I did and it made a big difference to be able to just vent and get it out there and hear myself say the things I was thinking and be able to realize that I had placed my self worth on my H. It gave me strength. Hang in there!


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Thank you all for the great advice. Yesterday must have been my worst day yet. I didn't even want to get out of bed. I was feeling very lonely. It was a beautiful day, and all I could think about was if we were still a family, we would be out on a day trip or something. 

I am feeling better today. I had a dr's appt today so I am taking care of myself. However she said I have lost some weight since my last physical. I told her I lost all the weight in the past two months due to stress and depression. One good thing out of all of this is the weight loss, but it's not the diet I recommend.

I have to stop driving with him to our son's baseball tournaments. It's really messing me up. We do it to save gas because the games are an hour away. I have to start NC, but should I do that before we go to counseling? 

This morning he texts me something random about the news....????? I just ignored it.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I don't know if I'm different than you or just in a different place right now. My kids are my focus. I drag my sorry azz out of bed and do everything I need to because of my beautiful kids. I have stepped up my "mr.Mom" duty and anything else I need to do. My daughter was sick all weekend and when the kids went to nap Sunday so did I. My wife went out Fri and Sat night until the AM the next day both times. I don't know how she is keeping that pace but who knows what she does during the week. Maybe she sleeps a lot?

Anyway, my point is to just keep moving forward and think of your son. He needs his Mom to be there. If it was me I'm sure I would keep trying to work with my wife if she gave me crumbs. Mine is not though. It is hard her being a SAHM and living at home still. The kids don't know anything yet.

Sorry I keep slipping into my crap.

Point: focus on your Son. Keep keeping on!

Huggs!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Jenny, I feel for you. It has been 1 or so months for me, I was doing okay for the first few weeks but all of a sudden the last 2 days have been completely horrible for me.

I wake up just like you, anxiety with almost like a panic attack feeling. While my stbxw had them over the weekend I was having freak outs because I missed them, now that they are here I'm having anxiety because I miss her and our family.

She considers herself single already and I know at night all she does for hours on end is talk to her new LDR. Kills me that after 7 years it's just over like that. I know it's probably something that has built up overtime for her, but she just moved on like it was nothing. Found someone else (most likely her ex before me) and doesn't even think of me anymore other than when she needs something.

I have started to dream about her too and it's not the nice dreams. It's like my mind giving my doubts and thoughts her vision and voice. 

My kids come home wild from her place, she doesn't call while they are here (told me they can call her, now she told my daughter she could always call if she wanted). I have a hard time getting out of bed, starting the day all of a sudden.

I have been going to the gym, I have been going out with friends when I don't have the kids .. so why am I slipping, it seems so much harder than it was a few weeks ago.

Maybe it's because I was hoping by this time she would come around, but instead, she has found a new life that she keeps from me and maybe it's the fact that I know about it that really is starting to sink in.

Not trying to highjack your thread .. but I feel you in the anxiety and limbo. Way more than I wish I did.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

I read all of the ups and downs you are all feeling and I can so relate. I'd like to reinforce the importance of physical exercise for your self. You alone control this, and it will do more to immediately increase your self-esteem than anything else. Whether at home, a gym, something. Exercise reduces the amount of stress in your body, and levels out your emotions. I always feel better after a workout, and my energy level maintains so I can deal with hard days when they come. I worked out during my darkest days when I didn't want to work, play, or do anything. You are basically deciding to override your feelings. I know easier said than done but you CAN do it. On a personal note, I've gotten to know new friends at the gym I can socialize with. There are quite a few nice looking ladies around who love to talk . Now that helped show me there is another future out there. You may see that too.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

jenny123 said:


> You are so right. When he first told me he wanted a separation, he denied counseling and I couldnt wait for him to get out of the house because there was so much tension. It was "final". Now that he's out, he mentions going to counseling, so now I feel like I an in limbo not knowing what his true intentions are. It is horrible.


limbo is the worst. decide what you want for yourself, no matter what he says/does, and take steps to work toward it. it's empowering! :smthumbup:

ps and i don't necessarily mean what you want regarding the marriage, i mean what you want for yourself! take a class, pursue a dream you've had in some small way...you will be surprised where it leads!


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

OK I did it and made the first marriage counseling appointment. I'm going to text H soon and tell him. Can't wait to hear his reaction.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Let us know what happens-


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## Amymarie717 (Jan 12, 2013)

jenny123 said:


> Very good advice and I will try to live by it but I know it will be hard. I wish I had your strength. I just can't seem to focus on anything but him.
> 
> *He sent me a text the other day asking how I am doing. He says he knows this sucks and he is sorry. I just think he wants me to say I'm OK so it will ease the guilt on his part.* I just ignored it. Meanwhile I wanted to say I am sad, angry, disappointed, and I feel rejected and betrayed. I guess this will all come out in counseling.


Jenny I'm in separation and my husband did the same thing with the same intentions. It's cruel. Like, how do you THINK I'm feeling!? It gives you hope, but then you realize they probably just want us to be ok with the fact that they are completely ditching the marriage. Not gonna happen. They can live with the guilt forever.


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