# Dispute over pet



## MrGrey (Aug 9, 2016)

Hello, I'm recently having a problem with the Mrs and am not sure what to do.

We have had a cat for 6 and a half years, and I want to find the cat a new home. She does not. This is the problem.

I really don't want this cat anymore. The tipping point is that I believe I have developed an allergy. At home, my nose is stuffed all the time, and I also have periodic temporary throat-closing. At first I didn't know what it was, but I did notice that this only seems to be the case at home. When on trips and such, I don't have these problems. We moved just a couple months ago, and I noticed that my nose was always clear and I wasn't choking anymore. As time has passed, it is starting to come back. The only thing I can think of is that the cat has spread its dandruff or whatever all around the house now and it is starting to affect me.

This is not the only thing. This cat hampers our life style. First, it stinks. My wife doesn't believe me, but the cat definitely has an odor. Not to mention the litter box smells awful (our cat is a slob), the food stinks, etc. The cat throws up all the time and it's disgusting.

We also can't have ribbons anywhere, because apparently the cat will eat it and then get sick and die (according to my wife). She also says we can never have live plants in the house, for the same reason (has anyone heard of this?). I cannot buy her flowers because of the cat.

The cat is not a mouser. I don't see that there is any benefit to keeping it around, only downsides. My wife is calling me heartless, but I think there's a difference between a cat and a human being. I no longer feel any affection for this animal, and I feel contempt when looking at it. My thought is that this cat would be better off in a home where everyone feels affection towards it. This cat will easily live another 10+ years and I feel that I am going to be upset the whole time.

We feel that we are both in a lose-lose situation. No matter what we decide to do now, we are both going to be unhappy.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

1) Go get allergy tested
2) Present your wife with the results
3) Adios cat


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

The cat's got to go. 

Human > pet.

You shouldn't of waited 6 years though....

You're going to have to suffer through that blowback and rightfully so.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I love cats myself. We have two, they're both over ten years old. Recently one of them has started YELLING at us at all hours of the night. I seriously just want to rip his vocal chords right out. Also one of them will pee on any clothes, sheets, blankets etc left on the floor or in a basket, and also on the bath mats. I think I've had enough of cats - when these ones die I don't want any more. Plus we have to get someone to feed them and stuff when we go away.

I think it's like my kids - I love them and all, but there comes a time when you just want to NOT anymore.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

If the cat is older, it will be harder to re-home. 
If there is an odour, I suspect the litter box is not cleaned on a regular basis. 
I have to empty & clean my cat's one at least 4 times daily. 
Also if the cat is not neutered or spayed it will make territory causing more odour. 
If the cat vomits all the time, something is wrong with either diet or environment. Especially if his food stinks. 
I actually pity the cat, it deserves a better home. 

My husband buys me flowers all the time, cat is fine. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

One thing you can do about the litter smell (that also might very well help with the vomiting) is to switch your cat to a raw diet. 

Feeding Raw Food to Cats | Cats Exclusive

We've fed ours raw now for about 8 years and the difference has been like night and day.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

MrsAldi said:


> I have to empty & clean my cat's one at least 4 times daily.
> k


Holy crap!! We scoop ours maybe twice a week?? Seriously.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Holy crap!! We scoop ours maybe twice a week?? Seriously.


My cat is spolied, but I have to clean that tray, otherwise I can smell it. My cat definitely stinks, also my husband does too after potty  


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I have 4 cats:

A Siamese
A Chocolate York
2 Domesticated Short Haired

Breed sometimes plays a roll in health, temperament and personality.

My Siamese hates new cats. Other than that very laid back easy going cat.

My Chocolate York, she is half feral (rescue from outside) and the only person she allows to touch or coddle her without getting pissy is me (found her in winter outside at 3 weeks old dying of starvation and the elements - she imprinted on me).

One short hair hates dogs but tolerates our dog (barely). The other short hair is an epileptic.

Age plays a roll as well. The two short haired cats are the oldest at 8 and almost 10. These two are the messy box users and sometimes have accidents outside the box. One is arthritic and the other has seizures.

The Siamese is 4 and again laid back but occasionally gets territorial and pees on what she sees as hers (my daughter is hers).

The York. She is under a year old. Still a baby. Still half feral.

All my cats HATE dirty kitty litter. If the boxes are not cleaned at least once a day they don't use them. Some cats have a preference for very clean boxes (I'd say most do actually).

If the cat is not using the box try adding more kitty litter boxes around the house where you find the cat going to the bathroom. Try Felaway (a scent that mimics cat pheromones that sooth the cat and prevents peeing or pooping in inappropriate places).

There is also an enzyme product that can break down cat pee and remove it from carpets and furniture.

If the cat smells and is sick all the time, it needs a vet. It could be a number of things happening. Anemia, feline Leukemia, Feline HIV, cancers and renal failure is the number one problem with cats (kidney failure due to urine crystalline deposits).

First thing to do is a vet check. If you can't commit to that absolutely find a home that can.


Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Your wife might be feel symbolically upset that when you no longer find something useful or it smells funny, you'll get rid of it. 

How old are you and the wife? Where are you going on these trips, is the wife going with you? Why did you move?

Have you been to a doctor about the issue? I'd think finding out once and for all why my throat is suddenly swelling shut would be pretty important.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CantePe said:


> (kidney failure due to urine crystalline deposits).


(another thing a raw diet helps tremendously with)

And I totally agree with the vet visit, if you haven't already done so. Cats should smell nice.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I completely forgot to address the possible allergy...my apologies.

You really should see an allergist. It may not actually be the cat. Could be dust, mold, or even the type of kitty litter being used...

I will say it likely is the cat, most unfortunate but that would be a likely culprit of your symptoms.

There are two options: rehome the cat or take medication that reduces the symptoms.

Get allergy tested, when there is one allergy there is a high probability of multiple allergies. Allergic reactions are inflammatory immune response meaning autoimmune.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## NewBoundariesMan (Aug 3, 2015)

The dander was always on all of your stuff whether you're in a new house or not.
Maybe the trees in the new area or something growing in the walls of the new house are giving you the problem. 

I've seen sever cat allergies and I would not wish that on anyone. Doesn't sound like you have this though.
It sounds like a seasonal problem from plants / trees. A cat allergy is consistent with no lulls.

But I think the problem is the cat hampers your lifestyle? 

That's understandable: house won't be as nice as you would like it, may smell, you can't go away for more than 3 days, you have to have a cover on the sofa or else cat hair everywhere. 

My cats aren't allowed in the bathrooms or bedrooms. I have movement activated spray cans that keeps them off the counters. The litter is in the garage which is cleaned daily. and I do have flowers and plants though.

Maybe a compromise? The cat can't go into certain rooms - especially not the bedroom.

If the cat goes after 6 years you'll have that hanging over your head forever.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Pets are VERY important to some people and for those people, getting rid of a pet is a terrible thing. Any chance of agreeing to keep the cat for its natural live, but to never get another pet?


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Things that help make living with a cat bearable to allergy suffers:

- Keep the bedroom off limits to the cat (likewise keep all stored extra linens and blankets should be stored in a cat free area).
- Wash sheets, pillow cases and blankets frequently (at least once per week).
- Minimize carpeted areas and cloth seating (hardwood, tile or linoleum floors and leather sofas and chairs)
- Good air filters. I prefer the stand alone variety with hepa filters. You can get them for central HVAC units, but I feel they add additional wear and tear to the fan motors and to be effective you need to set the fan to 'on' all the time. For what it costs to replace that motor, you can buy a couple really nice stand alone air purifiers. 
- Dust, sweep and mop regularly (once per week).
- Take allergy meds regularly. I use an inhaler and otc claritin at about a half normal dose every morning. 
- Don't hold the cat. If you do pet it, wash immediately. 

With all that in place I'm doing fine with having a cat in the house again. Litter pan is in the basement and there are no vents or more importantly vent returns near it. So, even if that is neglected, it doesn't add to the dander in the house.

Without all that in place, no, I couldn't live with a cat. I've awakened enough times during the night unable to breath that I know it's a bad idea to skimp on the details.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When I had cats, I used an electric litter box that cleaned itself after each time the cat used it. It's the only kind of litter box I will ever use if I get another cat.

Get yourself tested for allergies.

I know people who are allergic to cats and they have cats. They bath their cats once a week . It keeps the cat dander down to a level that does not bother them.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My elderly cat (don't know her exact age, as she was a stray who showed up, fully grown, 16.5 years ago) smells a bit, and vomits from time to time. She has terminal cancer that I have elected not to treat beyond palliative care, so I figure the vaguely funky aroma and a little cat puke are par for the course. She's otherwise happy and affectionate for the time being, so we just deal with it. But a healthy cat should not be vomiting frequently and should not smell bad. It's likely time for a dietary change, but have him checked out by your vet first. A grain-free diet might help, or raw feeding if you're interested in going that route. 

When I brought our second kitty into our home three years ago, I bit the bullet and bought a Cat Genie (electric cat toilet that cleans itself after each use). Best. Thing. Ever. With rare exception, I only have to interact with it about once a week when I wipe down the exterior and check that there are enough litter granules to keep the cats happy. 

I follow the same basic protocol as Acoa mentioned for allergy sufferers living with cats. No one in my household is allergic, but my niece and nephew who visit for several days a couple times a year are, as is my boyfriend. It's easier to just stick to the routine all the time than to rush around trying to de-cat the entire house when any of them are coming over. But if your allergies are severe, then you may indeed be better off re-homing the cat. Not being able to breathe is not an option.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For litter box smells: get a litter box with a cover. Cut a hole and glue in a dryer duct. Run the duct to a window which you leave open a few inches. Cover the opening with a piece of wood with a hole and a 120V muffin fan. That turns the litter box into a fume hood. A very low power quiet fan is enough to slowly waft air out of the box and out the window. 

If I develop allergies to our cats, I'll pitch a tent on the deck.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Yah I guess I have a problem with re-homing a pet once it becomes inconvenient. It is damned hard on the pet.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Get tested for allergies ASAP. One would think you would have had Symptoms for 6 years, maybe you did and I misread.

If you are allergic to cats - cat has to go. Sure medication could help a bit but you shouldn't needlessly suffer.

If it isn't cat allergies, you need a heart to heart with your wife. Clearly there are problems caring for the cat. Litter box needs to be kept clean. Need to see a vet- why is the cat vomiting. Could be a sign of larger problems or you simply need to change food brands.

Is the cat fixed? Male cats - whether fixed or not - will "spray" to mark territories. The odor is as pungent as a skunk. Peeing-popping outside the litter box is a sign the cat is distressed. Could be as simple as unhappy with the cleanliness of the litter box or something else. Many cats do not adapt to a move very well.

In your neighborhood, Is it feasible to turn the cat into an outdoor cat? 

My two cents is the wife supposedly loves the cat but isn't properly taking care of the cat.

The expression "it's me or the dog err cat" applies here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

When was the last vet appt.?


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Honestly at this point it sounds like you hate the cat, nothing but an inconvenient nasty nu-sense. Not sure if re-training it or bathing it or automatic liter boxes will make you like the cat, still will cause some inconvenience in your life. 

Is it possible to make it an outside cat? I have property and a barn and have had some mature house cats that people no longer wanted that adapted quite nicely to outdoor life. Some had even been declawed. Or possibly even and inside/outside cat, maybe install a pet door, of coarse that fixes some problems but possibly creates others. 

You better pray nothing happens to that cat in the near future, your wife will instantly suspect you and probably cut your nuggets off with a fork!


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Our new neighbor is allergic to cats. I want to be done with pets. But I have cats 3 plus DD27's longhair. My neighbors solution was to buy a dog. EPIC FAIL. One of my cats thinks the dog is his long lost brother. I assumed my elderly cat would die. (was vomiting a lot) We went away for a week and DD27 watched the pets Since she works nights We bought this. fountain
 . Over a month the cat stopped vomiting all together. No end in sight here But I'm thinking OP's cat needs some sort of help.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Well, everyone has made all the practical suggestions.

So, @MrGrey , assuming that nothing works; after giving these ideas a fair chance to work.

Please get the cat a home. There are often *alternative humane societies*. They will not kill the cat; unless disease makes it humane to do so.

Regular humane societies do their best; but if the cat is not adopted, then it is euthanized after a period of time. Often cruelly gassed with others in an oven, if your H.S. does not have the funds to mercifully euthanize by injection.

If your cat has been "fixed", and you turn it outside after a lifetime of being indoors; that is like putting a sheep amongst the wolves. The cat doesn't have the natural hormonal drives and practiced instinct to defend itself. Can you imagine it encountering a group of boys who have a BB gun?

* I'm so sorry about your allergies. Cat or no cat; you should get that taken care of as soon as possible.

* Cat boxes should be scooped out once every day. More often if the cat defecates more than once a day. No animal wants to stand in it's own filth. If the box is dirty, the cat will often relieve it's bowels and bladder in a clean area---anywhere outside the box that is secluded (behind the couch, inside a closet). The litter must be removed completely and the box at least well rinsed, on a regular schedule-----this depends on the type of litter you use, and how many cats you have.

*Healthy cats smell wonderful. They clean themselves and there is an enzyme in their saliva (that's the allergen by the way), that dries and leaves that warm, sweet cozy smell. A cat who smells bad is either not cleaning itself (very, bad sign), or is in very bad health, or has a terrible diet.


*A good food (from a pet store, not grocery store) can make all the difference in the world; I'm thinking of the hairball issue. Some name brand popular brands actually put *sugar* in cat foods. Cats are obligate carnivores; and should eat a mostly meat diet.

*Your wife is right. There are certain plants that are toxic to cats (and dogs). You can google it. They _do_ like to eat cat grass and catnip. Peppermint too, sometimes. (not to eat,they like the smell)

*It sounds like your wife loves her "fur baby". But you shouldn't have to suffer with foul odors and raging allergies (if your allergy is to the cat)

If your wife wants to keep the cat; then she should shoulder the burden of keeping the box scrupulously clean, brush the cat to avoid the occurrence of hairballs; and just generally make it's impact on your home environment minimal.

Cats can be *devoted* pets. It is a different dynamic than dogs. One of our cats comes when called. We had a past cat, who played fetch. One of our cats "speaks" to me in little trills and pips and squeaks whenever I look at her and speak her name.

They are more human than dogs, in that they take longer to trust. But they are wonderful companions. I wish you could experience that bond.

But either way, please be merciful to the animal. It depends on you and your wife. I hope you can work this out, to where you can keep your cat. And best wishes for your health and well-being.


ETA: the enzymatic cleansers referred to upthread, work wonders at removing urine odors. A very popular one is called "Nature's Miracle"; available at pet stores.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Finding a home for an unwanted cat is very difficult. There are places near us that will provide a home - for a one time fee of $5000. (not kidding). 

Getting a pet is in my mind a serious commitment. You are taking responsibility for a living thing.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You really need to get allergy tested and find out for sure if it is the cat or not. If it is and the allergies continue, you can run into problems. My dad developed allergies to the family cat. Tried to live with them. They got worse and worse over time. He ended up with a massive asthma attack (no previous asthma, ever) and in the hospital. Doc said no more animals with fur, ever.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

We have 3 cats, both my husband and SD are allergic to cats. SD also has cats at her mothers. They take allergy meds and deal with it.

If your wife bathed (or even wiped down the cat with a damp facecloth) each week, and limited the cats access to certain parts of the house, the problem would be reduced.

If you force her to rehome the cat - which by the way, considering it's 6 years old will be very difficult, you're basically signing its death warrant - she'll resent you big time. If my husband made me rehome our pets it would kill any love I had for him. Watching my cats or dogs, who I've raised from tiny pups and kittens drive off with strangers would break my heart.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> We have 3 cats, both my husband and SD are allergic to cats. SD also has cats at her mothers. They take allergy meds and deal with it.
> 
> If your wife bathed (or even wiped down the cat with a damp facecloth) each week, and limited the cats access to certain parts of the house, the problem would be reduced.
> 
> If you force her to rehome the cat - which by the way, considering it's 6 years old will be very difficult, you're basically signing its death warrant - she'll resent you big time. If my husband made me rehome our pets it would kill any love I had for him. Watching my cats or dogs, who I've raised from tiny pups and kittens drive off with strangers would break my heart.


This is not necessarily true. It all depends on the severity of the allergy. I'm so allergic to cats that if, for instance, I am near the jacket of someone who owns cats, I will start to sneeze and get swollen eyes. Some people truly cannot live with animals they are allergic to.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I have family members whose allergies to dogs and cats are so severe they have never been in our home, despite living just down the street. Require immediate hospitalization. Different levels of severity when it comes to allergies.

Best bet is to get tested and go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

I'd love a cat. My H is a dog person. We travel too much for pets. Oh well, there's always retirement.

I would never keep a pet if my spouse was allergic. It may take a while, but you can find your cat a new home. 

Also, why does it stink? I grew up with cats and they were always very clean. Maybe it's sick.


----------



## Speckled (Apr 18, 2016)

I had a girlfriend who was fond of cats. I was fond of her as she had many qualities - intelligence, wealth, attraction, youth (14 years younger), education, etc. I was in denial about how much of an issue this deal-breaker it would be, even though I was allergic to cats. There were at least 4 cats in her small apartment at any time, more when the rescues arrived. One day it dawned on me she was more attached to her cats and parent (mom) than me, even though she said she 'loved' me. She is now an ex, but I cannot erase all of what may have been. We are both middle-aged and I older.

Cats are a serious problem, both indoors and out. I remember being scratched, bitten, harassed, and played with by the cat(s). They are very agile and will jump on things like where you eat/prepare food. Outdoors they kill small wildlife and use neighbors' properties as their toilets, not to mention all the spraying/marking habits.

Cats also carry a disease which is particular to them - toxoplasmosis gondii. This has been implicated in things like rage, and other physical anomalies, including behavioral change. I honestly believe that the plasmid which evolved to make the mouse less fearful (from cat urine) has made the human equally so when infected. My ex lived in a neighborhood most would be hesitant to visit, let alone live in. She is a petite white woman in a dark sea. 

To emphasize, cats are dangerous pets. A single plasmid in your system can cause a tumor growth in an organ or brain, and the immune compromised or pregnant women are especially vulnerable. Around 40% of the population has this plasmid in their system. It can even be found in marine mammals who obtain it from our effluent when it is flushed away.

To be fair, the next girlfriend I met had a dog problem. It was almost as big as she, another petite. The last time I was over it punched me in the stomach. I then went to East Africa and met a nice mature lady my age who doesn't have these modern ailments. I am now looking forward to our sensible life together.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I can see the OP probably posted this and then left, but I'll add something anyway. Our cat once started smelling like poo (I'd be lying in bed and I'd get a waft of poo. I'd frantically look everywhere for the offending poo but all I ever found was the cat under the bed looking innocent). I couldn't figure out what was going on so I researched it and ended up taking her to the vet. It turns out she had a blocked anal gland. Might've been due to the stress of a move, or being fed different food for a few days, not sure. Vet unblocked it and all was well.

Note you could give your cat a bath and clean out the litter tray every day. If you're feeding the cat tinned pet food, then that might be why he/she is vomiting frequently and smells bad.


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Have you actually tested for allergies? Have you taken the cat to the vet? Many people who complain about cat behavior are often just clueless and/or negligent. There could be many reasons the cat is vomiting all the time (which isn't normal btw). Could be the kind of food you're feeding him or maybe an illness. My cat had kidney disease before he passed, he started vomiting a lot. The vet had us give him a quarter tablet of Pepcid AC a day and it helped. He also used to vomit a lot when I fed him dry food then stopped when I switched him to canned. As for the smell, is the litter box being cleaned daily? You can also sprinkle a bit of baking soda in the sand. Is the cat getting his teeth brushed regularly? Poor dental hygiene could also be a contribution to the smell. How often is he being groomed? Your wife should be brushing and combing him regularly if you are allergic. You can also designate certain rooms you frequent to be cat free zones. Vacuming also needs to be done a lot more frequently. 

I find it very sad that your first thought is to just get rid of the cat before trying out any solutions or even getting him checked by a vet. Pets are family to me. Your kind of thinking is why shelters are being overrun and millions of pets are euthanized every year. Too many people think having a pet is just fun and games, neglect to give them proper care, then give up the pet when they act out. They think having a pet just means giving food and shelter. There's so much more to that when taking care of an animal. I really hope you and your wife can at least put some effort into addressing your cats issues before just giving him up.


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> I love cats myself. We have two, they're both over ten years old. Recently one of them has started YELLING at us at all hours of the night. I seriously just want to rip his vocal chords right out. Also one of them will pee on any clothes, sheets, blankets etc left on the floor or in a basket, and also on the bath mats. I think I've had enough of cats - when these ones die I don't want any more. Plus we have to get someone to feed them and stuff when we go away.
> 
> I think it's like my kids - I love them and all, but there comes a time when you just want to NOT anymore.


Have you had the cats checked out by a vet? My cat started peeing on stuff like that when his kidney disease got more severe. It started a few weeks before he passed. Often when cats start going outside the litter box, they are trying to tell you something. There is often an underlying illness. The yowling might also be due to a case of dementia, I've heard of that happening to older cats.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Speckled said:


> I had a girlfriend who was fond of cats. I was fond of her as she had many qualities - intelligence, wealth, attraction, youth (14 years younger), education, etc. I was in denial about how much of an issue this deal-breaker it would be, even though I was allergic to cats. There were at least 4 cats in her small apartment at any time, more when the rescues arrived. One day it dawned on me she was more attached to her cats and parent (mom) than me, even though she said she 'loved' me. She is now an ex, but I cannot erase all of what may have been. We are both middle-aged and I older.
> 
> Cats are a serious problem, both indoors and out. I remember being scratched, bitten, harassed, and played with by the cat(s). They are very agile and will jump on things like where you eat/prepare food. Outdoors they kill small wildlife and use neighbors' properties as their toilets, not to mention all the spraying/marking habits.
> 
> ...


So she loved her mother more than she loved you. Of course she did! 

Cats and your them girlfriend weren't the problem. You were the problem.

And a dog punched you in the stomach? Just think yourself lucky it left its flick knife in it's kennel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MrGrey said:


> Hello, I'm recently having a problem with the Mrs and am not sure what to do.
> 
> We have had a cat for 6 and a half years, and I want to find the cat a new home. She does not. This is the problem.
> 
> ...


Your post started normally and pretty soon degenerated into a whine. 

"It's not a mouser! It smells! We can no longer have pretty ribbons around the place! Or pot plants!"

What if you are not allergic to the cat? What then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

