# My wife thinks I have raped her??



## Guitarman32 (Mar 9, 2018)

Okay, so I have been with my wife for 5 years now we are in a rough patch in our marriage right now. I love her dearly and she has mental disorders. Bi-Polar and PTSD, I have recently caught her sending pictures to other guys on her social media’s, I have also gave her my PW to my social media’s and she did too, to build trust. I recently tried to log into her Snapchat and well low and behold the password was changed. I then ask her for the PW she claims that all I do is make assumptions as to who or what she does on it. She then claims that for the last 5 years that I have been raping her when we have sex due to that I’ll ask for sex and she says no I kind of give her the cold shoulder till she eventually she’s yes. I have never forced myself on her or tried to take advantage of her when she was passed out drunk, is this considered rape??? ?


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Only your divorce attorney can answer that.

You need to protect yourself as best you can. Document.

Maybe see if you can get her to put something in writing at some time which states she does not think you raped her, but only thinks that at some times during her mood swings.

You need legal help.


----------



## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Guitarman32 said:


> She has mental disorders. Bi-Polar and PTSD.


Guitarman, if during the past year she has had an episode of bipolar-1 (i.e., strong mania alternating with strong depression), the chance of her also having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is about a third. If she had a bipolar-2 episode, (i.e., strong depression alternating with very mild mania), the chance of also having BPD is about a fourth. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. If most of those BPD symptoms sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells and raises questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Guitarman.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

An opinion only, certainly not a legal, but I highly doubt would be considered rape as you describe.

Unless she actually said no at the moment of sex, it would not be rape.

Coercion, pouting, even harassment is one thing, rape is another.
(Not suggesting you harassed her necessarily, would need more information)
I think even a lot of frustrated husbands act as you do.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You cannot get better help here than from @Uptown 

I was going to come back and suggest we contact him. Thankfully he found this already.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Time to pull the plug.


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Protect yourself first. See a lawyer if you have to.
Document her disorders if you can. If she is saying 
you raped her, she may claim anything and if she 
calls the police. Who do you think they will believe
and who is going to JAIL!


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Yeah call a lawyer. You are not safe.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

One of my best friends since childhood married a BPD wackjob several years ago. He has lived out of state for 25 years so we don't see each other that often, but when we do we often have some fairly indepth conversations. 

Anyway, they had been together for a few years and I had not met her until the wedding. 

She did her best to be pleasant and respectful around me (his previous wife was a horrible person so just the fact she wasn't shooting flames out her arse at everyone was a step up IMHO)

Anyway, over the weekend he and I had a couple one-on-one conversations and I knew that he had always been a Knight in Shining Armor and always finding these terribly damaged and disordered strays. 

During our convo he mentioned that she had a variety of psyche issues and had been under various shrinks care for most of her life and was on a variety of meds etc. 

He would also at various times mention that her father had molested her as a child and then he would mention that she had been molested by this uncle and by that cousin,,, and then he mentioned that she had been raped by this boyfriend or by that convenience store clerk in the beer cooler etc and I finally started asking him just how many times she had been raped and how many male relatives had molested her as a child etc ------- and with a face as serious as a heart attack and in all seriousness he told me that almost every male relative she had and every boyfriend and husband she had had (she had been married multiple times with at least 3 kids from different fathers that I know of) had molested/raped her at some point. 

That is when I lost it and told him that the one common denominator in all of these supposed sexual assaults was *HER* and that she was either the world's most unluckiest woman to ever set foot on this earth - or she was simply lying. 

And I warned him that in time she would accuse HIM of raping her. 

He was pretty shocked that I would say that and got pretty defensive that he was a nice guy and he was the one that "saved" her from all of these rapists and molesters and that she would be safe with him. 

Yeah yeah yeah, right right right. 

It took about a year after they were married before the depths of her nuttiness began to unravel. a few months after that, she simply packed her stuff and moved out of state to move in with her lesbian lover that she had met a few days prior. 

Now to my knowledge she did not make any formal accusations of sexual assault against him before she left. But I am sure she is telling everyone she meets now that he did. 

When she was leaving, I and the rest of his friends and siblings and parents pleaded with him to help her load the car and send her on her way. 

He tried to talk her out of it of course, but by the grace of God she was determined to move in with the lesbian she had met earlier in the week and she left and did not fight the divorce at all. 

Since they had been married less than two years and had no kids or joint property it was pretty quick and easy. 

But my point to all of this is these wacko BPDers and Bi-Polars and all those other nutcases, will turn around and say that every man that even said 'good morning' to them has molested or raped them at some point. 

That not only makes them nutty, it makes them dangerous. We are living in a "Me Too!" world right now where it is politically incorrect to question someone's accusation of sexual assault and these nutjobs are taken seriously. 

She is dangerous. She could really do you some serious harm and trouble if she accuses you of assaulting her to the right people. 

You may want to consider cutting your losses and getting out of there as quickly and cleanly as possible before that happens.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have children with your wife?

You really need to leave your wife. I mean move out NOW. What you describe is not rape. But she's twisting it. Take this very seriously.

See a divorce lawyer and tell them what she's saying and how to protect yourself. 

Seriously, you should never be alone with her again.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Run, Forest, run. Don't ever be alone with this woman again, EVER! You are playing with a nuke and you don't dare cut any of the wires, because they all set the bomb off. You had best take this as the very serious threat to your personal safety and liberty that it is.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Guitarman32 said:


> Okay, so I have been with my wife for 5 years now we are in a rough patch in our marriage right now. I love her dearly and she has mental disorders. Bi-Polar and PTSD, I have recently caught her sending pictures to other guys on her social media’s, I have also gave her my PW to my social media’s and she did too, to build trust. I recently tried to log into her Snapchat and well low and behold the password was changed. I then ask her for the PW she claims that all I do is make assumptions as to who or what she does on it. She then claims that for the last 5 years that I have been raping her when we have sex due to that I’ll ask for sex and she says no I kind of give her the cold shoulder till she eventually she’s yes. I have never forced myself on her or tried to take advantage of her when she was passed out drunk, is this considered rape??? ?


I was very concerned about what you said. She sound like a disaster waiting to happen. 
Not sure why you married such a sick lady but she is dangerous. 
No of course its not rape.


----------



## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

You risk being jailed for a long time if you stay with her. Get out NOW.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Guitarman, you're in the middle of a minefield. With this MeToo movement at full bore, your wife could cause you major problems. Some people get great pleasure seeing their "opponent" ground into powder. Folks like the one in the article below, apparently don't want to change the status quo by exiting a situation they claim to hate, but rather looking for their fifteen minutes. Your wife may be one of these people. Watch your back.

https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/3/8/17087628/sexual-assault-marriage-metoo


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Guitarman32 said:


> ........She then claims that for the last 5 years that I have been raping her when we have sex due to that I’ll ask for sex and she says no I kind of give her the cold shoulder till she eventually she’s yes. I have never forced myself on her or tried to take advantage of her when she was passed out drunk, is this considered rape??? ?


This would scare the heck out of me. You need to see an attorney, because this could turn legal nasty very quickly. Actually, if I were in your shoes, that statement by her that you have raped her for the last 5 years, would probably get me to file for divorce. While I am very pro-marriage, our legal system in not set up well to handle domestic disputes and accusations of rape can be pretty serious.

You need to protect yourself from ending up in jail. See an attorney right away.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Guitarman32 said:


> Okay, so I have been with my wife for 5 years now we are in a rough patch in our marriage right now. I love her dearly and she has mental disorders. Bi-Polar and PTSD, I have recently caught her sending pictures to other guys on her social media’s, I have also gave her my PW to my social media’s and she did too, to build trust. I recently tried to log into her Snapchat and well low and behold the password was changed. I then ask her for the PW she claims that all I do is make assumptions as to who or what she does on it. She then claims that for the last 5 years that I have been raping her when we have sex due to that I’ll ask for sex and she says no I kind of give her the cold shoulder till she eventually she’s yes. I have never forced myself on her or tried to take advantage of her when she was passed out drunk, is this considered rape??? ?


I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.

Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.

Instead of taking her 'no' with equanimity, maybe showing affection and patience, maybe making sure she understood you would make it awesome for her instead of just getting yourself off, until you got that enthusiastic consent, you just treated her poorly until she couldn't stand it anymore and caved in.

Was it starfish sex on her part? Did you just use her body instead of being loving to her? Could a reasonable person have inferred that she really didn't want to be there? Why would you have sex with someone who obviously didn't want to be doing it, despite saying yes?

Her behaviour is a whole other issue, but I'm addressing this accusation of rape one.

Rape is not just forcing yourself on someone who is saying no, or is incapable of saying no. Rape is also coercion. If you hold a gun to someone's head and they say 'yes' and submit, it is still rape.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




So she’s not an equal partner. I think this argument is what’s called a micro aggression. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Many women only give enthusiastic consent prior to marriage .


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...


So a little cold shoulder is equivalent to a gun to the head? 

And the rest of your hypothetical is completely unfounded speculation. We have nothing indicating that he wasn't motivated "to make it awesome for her" or that he was "just getting himself off." 

If there's a credibility issue here, I'd say it most likely lies with the one who has been snapchatting outside the marriage.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Guitarman32 said:


> Okay, so I have been with my wife for 5 years now we are in a rough patch in our marriage right now. I love her dearly and she has mental disorders. Bi-Polar and PTSD, I have recently caught her sending pictures to other guys on her social media’s, I have also gave her my PW to my social media’s and she did too, to build trust. I recently tried to log into her Snapchat and well low and behold the password was changed. I then ask her for the PW she claims that all I do is make assumptions as to who or what she does on it. She then claims that for the last 5 years that I have been raping her when we have sex due to that I’ll ask for sex and she says no I kind of give her the cold shoulder till she eventually she’s yes. I have never forced myself on her or tried to take advantage of her when she was passed out drunk, is this considered rape??? ?


LOL! Run, don't walk....


----------



## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.


Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.



> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.


Legally, consent is consent. This is *not* assault. 



> Rape is not just forcing yourself on someone who is saying no, or is incapable of saying no. Rape is also coercion. If you hold a gun to someone's head and they say 'yes' and submit, it is still rape.


WRONG! This is incredibly wrong. Do not listen to this, OP. No prosecutor in the world would charge you for a situation in which you acted annoying each time she said "no" until there was a grudging "yes." The "yes" is all that matters LEGALLY.

Should you have gone forward on a grudging "yes?" No. Having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is just sad for everyone involved. However, lots of women will show _some_ enthusiasm even if they don't actually want to. If this is what happened to you, well, no one can read minds. It's her problem for not creating a clear boundary. 

Your wife's lack of creating a clear boundary should not affect you legally. HOWEVER, you should still run far, far away from this woman for MANY reasons:
1. Rape accusations, whether true or not, will still send you to pound-me-in-the-ass prison.
2. By calling you a rapist, your wife has told you that the relationship is over.
3. Why would you want to stay with someone who thinks you're a rapist??

Get away. NOW.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...


As a woman I completely disagree with this. He didn't hold a gun to her head nor did he in anyway abuse her. That term abuse is used far too freely these days, and its not good for those who genuinely have been abused. 

One good way to be emotionally close to your husband is by having sex. It opens him up to emotional closeness with his wife. If she rejects him which she clearly did a lot, then he will feel rejected, unloved and unwanted and will then feel distant. I believe this is what happened here, not abuse.


----------



## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...


I used to coerce women with my good looks and witty charm.

I probably shouldn't have done that either.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...



I suppose every person that has ever gotten starfish sex is a rapist too? 

I have said some dumb **** in my time, but damn. 

And BLOCKED!


OP, you still need to run with every ounce of strength you have. Get away from this BSC woman!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

As a Police Officer for nearly 20 years if you don’t get away from someone who cavalierly throws around an accusation like that you are going to get arrested eventually. You need to run and run fast. Until you are 100% gone you need to get a VAR and record every conversation she has with you. Might be your only defense .


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

My wife got mad when I didn't unload the dishwasher. I unloaded it to keep her happy. But I realized later that I had been enslaved through emotional abuse. Isn't slavery illegal? Should she go to prison?

21st century leftist thinking has made a parody of itself.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My ex business partner is married, or should I say chained to a BPD. We were ticking along nicely, good business, we were a hit from day 1. I was the backroom guy, I did the analysis, wrote the reports, did the research, everything. He was the sales guy, and presented my findings, and got all the contracts signed. Around year four, her illness became apparent. They were getting some decorating done, and they were getting their floors sanded and stained. The color was not right, they re-did it. Still wasn't to her standard. He closes the office for a few days while she sits on their floor crying, for a f*cking week. He says the floor is fine, she goes off on him, eventually tossing him out. He goes to his cottage up north, and proceeds to stay for a few months. I keep going back and forth, contracts are expiring, he isn't doing his job. Our revenues are dropping, we were billing $25K a month then 20K then 10K, then $5K. He takes a check,and empties the accounts, why? She needed money for her out of control spending. I give him notice that I am breaking up. Ask him for the money I loaned the business. He does not have it. I walk away from $50K. It has taken ten years to recover about $35K. She is still a basket case, and to add insult to injury, she has had several "encounters" as he calls them. Yeah, I dropped out the year my son and his were graduating HS. They were in the same class. She holds the end of year party. First thing, I tell my kid, if ANYTHING weird goes on, I want to know. Two hours into the party, and I get the expected telephone call. Cool Mom is pouring drinks for some 16 year olds, and had disappeared with one or two for a while...that is all I needed to hear. Told my son to be on the lawn in five minutes, and take anyone who wants to go with you. As I am driving away, I put in a friendly call to my soon to be ex partner, and told him to get home. He clears the house in under five minutes, and then takes her and leaves her at her parents. They're still together, but Christ on a Cracker, there is no way I would ever trust her.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...


Omg. THIS. THIS is the kind of person that will be on your jury and send you to prison.

What he described is not rape by any stretch.
She’s his wife, and she chose to have sex with him for whatever reason. If it was because he was unhappy because he waa in a sexless marriage and she gave him some duty sex..... she chose to, she wasn’t “cleared”.

Oh my gosh: I truly can’t believe this was said.

My wife wanted sex the other night, and I was really tired. She looked like it might hurt her feelings and I didn’t want her to be upset, so I gave her all she wanted. Did she rape me? I feel coerced.

Good grief.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

A read an interesting thread elsewhere. It was asking women if they had ever agreed to have sex with someone and then while in the process of having sex decided they didn't want to continue. The real eye opening questions (discussion) was "would you continue to allow your partner to have sex with you" just to be nice to them and not seem like a jerk/tease?

It put a whole interesting perspective on what is consensual sex and what is sex against one's will (rape?).

I would expect a continuum of degrees of allowing sex to occur in such a situation. The no-longer consenting partner's self-image and if they panic probably have a lot to do with whether it is rape or just unpleasant sex.

Don't get me wrong. Rape is a very bad thing. However, if the OP guy is accurately presenting what his woman is saying, then he needs to get protected from being arrested should she brandish that term a little to broadly.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WOW! I just realized my wife has raped me dozens of times during our marriage when I didn't want to but she did!!!!!

Sometimes she even assaulted my obviously limp nether regions orally when I was visibly not interested!!!

HOW DARE SHE!!!!!!!

Hmmm....

She just came out of the bathroom topless....

Sigh...

Looks like I'm about to be raped yet again!

Seriously OP, your wife is insulting actual victims and I would shame her ruthlessly if I knew her!

My mother, sisters and I were all sexually assaulted and your wife needs to shut the **** up.

I would wish rape on no one but she best consider her foolish words because she hasn't a clue. I hope she never obtains the knowledge my mother, sisters and I have painfully obtained but if she doesn't shut the hell up, she might just need to find out what it is really like.

Regardless, you need to go.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Seriously OP, your wife is insulting actual victims and I would shame her ruthlessly if I knew her!
> 
> My mother, sisters and I were all sexually assaulted and your wife needs to shut the **** up.


Agreed, false rape accusations also make it very difficult for REAL rape cases to get the justice they need with all their BS.


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Check with your lawyer if you can do this. Speak with her when she is in a good mood, tell her that the comment about rape was scary, and see if she would say that it is not and record it.


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

WTF are you talking about?

He didn't hold a gun to her head. She was never forced to have sex with him. Unless I missed something here, she was always free to move out and divorce him if she really found him sexual need unacceptable. What actually happened is that she considered her alternatives and decided that having sex was the best course of action.

You sound like the author of that f*cking article from early in the thread:
* I don't want sex and that's that. My decision to refuse sex should be consequence-free.
* Anything less than 100% enthusiastic consent to sex is abusive.
* His hurt from not having sex pales in comparison to my loss from either giving in or divorcing him.

Please know that if you actually advocate women take this approach, you are doing them a huge disservice. All this mindset does is spread the false belief that sex is beyond the realm of the give-and-take that goes on in all marriages. It basically says that the woman's sexuality is of higher value than anything the man brings to the table.

How many men would willingly stay with a woman who tells him "I'll only have sex when I'm 100% into it. I'll not tolerate any negative fallout just because I'm unwilling to meet your intimate needs"? Most men would not tolerate this, and you wouldn't respect or want a man who was meek enough to do so.

I have a friend who was brought up with this attitude (*****y, overbearing mom, no strong father figure). She didn't respect the guy who accepted it (and he was honestly a loser). The other guys were jerks, players, or repulsed by this attitude. She really wanted to be settled down by now (mid-30s). Instead she has a string of failed relationships because decent guys don't get with women who believe her preferences are paramount, and regret because her refusal to cheerfully compromise caused one really good guy (that I know of - there may be more) to walk away.



Hopeful Cynic said:


> I'm going to go against the common theme and say that maybe what you describe could be considered assault. You definitely seem to have coerced her into having sex with you, even when she didn't want it, by emotionally abusing her until you wore her down.
> 
> Do some research on enthusiastic consent. You didn't have that. You had reluctant consent so that you would start treating her nicely again.
> 
> ...


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

DTO said:


> WTF are you talking about?
> 
> He didn't hold a gun to her head. She was never forced to have sex with him. Unless I missed something here, she was always free to move out and divorce him if she really found him sexual need unacceptable. What actually happened is that she considered her alternatives and decided that having sex was the best course of action.


All I've been trying to do is figure out his wife's thinking. If she is now saying she feels like he's been raping her all along, then that appears to mean she felt like it was forced, presumably because he behaved terribly towards her until she caved in to the pressure.

You'll notice I asked a lot of questions about the details of the situation; I didn't accuse him of anything.

Whether a legal system would, should or could convict him is completely irrelevant. She says she feels raped. Her feelings are valid to her. That's what he has to work with. Or leave, would be my recommendation. But if he's not going to leave, he has to start understanding her perspective better.



DTO said:


> You sound like the author of that f*cking article from early in the thread:
> * I don't want sex and that's that. My decision to refuse sex should be consequence-free.
> * Anything less than 100% enthusiastic consent to sex is abusive.
> * His hurt from not having sex pales in comparison to my loss from either giving in or divorcing him.
> ...


Ah, but that's treating sex like a commodity, an exchange of services. The man brings the bacon and the woman brings the sex?

I don't think sex belongs in the give-and-take. It should be for the mutual enjoyment of both partners, when both partners feel like doing it. That's why it's so important to find someone of similar libido in the first place, and to communicate honestly enough when libidos change to resolve any issues.



DTO said:


> How many men would willingly stay with a woman who tells him "I'll only have sex when I'm 100% into it. I'll not tolerate any negative fallout just because I'm unwilling to meet your intimate needs"? Most men would not tolerate this, and you wouldn't respect or want a man who was meek enough to do so.


Personally, I wouldn't willingly stay with someone who had sex with me even when they weren't feeling 100% into it. I'd feel like crap, and always wonder if they were faking the enthusiasm/enjoyment just to avoid some consequence. Any resulting sexual frustration I may feel is mine to manage and not burden anybody else with.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dude got a hell of a lot of mileage out of his one post drive by. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

In a marriage where wife claims rape, what is there to save?

To me, nothing.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

brooklynAnn said:


> In a marriage where wife claims rape, what is there to save?
> 
> To me, nothing.


This post is weird. While false rape claims are horrible, do you think that real rape does not occur in marriage? This just seems a weird response to THIS post.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> This post is weird. While false rape claims are horrible, do you think that real rape does not occur in marriage? This just seems a weird response to THIS post.


I am sure where there is abuse...a man or a woman can be raped in a marriage.

But when someone claims rape because they no longer desire to have sex with a spouse and then say....i felt like i was raped. Why would you want to be married to this person.

And if your husband and or wife is raping you why would you stay? Abused or not.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> This post is weird. While false rape claims are horrible, do you think that real rape does not occur in marriage? This just seems a weird response to THIS post.


This one's easy, and has been covered before in other threads. If the husband is really a rapist, the husband does not deserve his wife. If he's not a rapist but she believes him to be, then she doesn't deserve him as a husband.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You'll notice I asked a lot of questions about the details of the situation; I didn't accuse him of anything.


You clearly stated that his actions could be considered "assault" and that he "coerced" her. He "emotionally abused" her and you encouraged him to do research on "enthusiastic consent" vs. "reluctant consent" to set himself straight. 

You should either have the courage to stand by your original convictions, or have the courage to admit that you were incorrect. You should not try to spin what you said into something else. The backpedaling is embarrassing.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Since the topic is still active this morning, and Since the attached article is still in discussion, and Since @Hopeful Cynic is still speaking for the prosecution. I would like to throw my similar case upon the mercy of this biased ad hoc court.

First there has been no formal accusation of forced emotional gratification yet. The article has left me feeling a bit guilty though so I'm seeking open opinions.
For a few years now Mrs. Nail has been refusing to engage in intimate conversation. In order to fill this basic emotional need I have resorted to various strategies to coerce her into conversation that she will not enthusiastically consent to. I have tried Bribery, I trick her into going out to lunch or dinner at quiet venues where conversation would be encouraged. I've tried entrapment, I get her in the truck to go shopping 30 minutes away from home. I usually drive at well over walking speed so she can't just jump out of the truck to avoid conversation. I've tried withdrawing affection and even sex to force her to the coffee table for conversation. Unfortunately as long as her kindle account is active she seems to remain content. Meanwhile my conversational frustration has given me a severe case of blue larynx. In fact I have turned to internet forums to get conversation from strangers about anything more important that "What's for dinner?"
So what is the ruling? Am I guilty of conversation rape? Have I been forcing my words on her? after all:
* She doesn't want conversation and that's that. Her decision to refuse conversation should be consequence-free.
* Anything less than 100% enthusiastic consent to conversation is abusive.
* My hurt from not having conversation pales in comparison to her loss from either giving in or divorcing me.

Have at it!


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Guitarman32 said:


> Okay, so I have been with my wife for 5 years now we are in a rough patch in our marriage right now. I love her dearly and she has mental disorders. *Bi-Polar *and PTSD, ?


that is all you have to say.
with her chatting with other men online...it is HIGHLY likely she has cheated with them. A good percentage of Bipolar women are also hypersexual.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> In a marriage where wife claims rape, what is there to save?
> 
> To me, nothing.


i tend to agree. but coupled with the suspicion she is Bipolar...it is probably a smoke screen to put him off balance so she can do whatever she wants.

"wife claims rape" is the mental disease talking, and IF she can stay on her meds, she will probably be right as rain, and sane, again. That is a BIG IF though


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> In a marriage where wife claims rape, what is there to save?
> 
> To me, nothing.





NobodySpecial said:


> This post is weird. While false rape claims are horrible, do you think that real rape does not occur in marriage? This just seems a weird response to THIS post.


This does not seem weird to me.
The motivation for rape is power. 
The motivation for marriage is partnership.

If marital rape exists. then there is no partnership. No marriage to save. That answers nobody specials question.

If there is a claim by one partner that the marital sex is rape. Then there is no partnership. Only power struggle. There is also no love, no sharing, no joy. No marriage to save. 

I support brooklynAnn's assertion that in the case where an accusation of marital rape has been made. There is no marriage to save. It is long dead.


----------

