# The Complete Story



## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

ok here it comes.. it might be long sorry... *deep breath*

I met my H when I was 16 and he was 18. I had the hugest crush on him while cruising the high school hallways. He is tall dark and handsome. So when he turned his sights on me, I was thrilled. We were so in love, and so happy, we couldn't spend time apart. We moved in together when I was 17 and he was 19. We were married when I was 19 and he was 21.

Things were ok, His family never really treated me well. I don't drink and his family are HUGE drinkers... they drink all the time and get trashed when together. This caused me to not spend much time with his family and caused a riff early on in our marriage. They called me uptight.. and I called them drunks. So one year into our marriage I took some time to think.. went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks. At the time I was so crazy in love with him I decided I could just not go to family events on his side and just "get along" with them if I had to. Which worked out fine for the most part.

About 3 years into our marriage I noticed my H's interest in pornography was becoming quite disturbing. It used to be a subscription to playboy and once and awhile we would watch a softcore together.. pretty mild stuff. I noticed magazines starting to pop up that depicted very young looking girls dressed up in school uniforms. This upset me quite a bit, I told H that if we were ever going to have children I wouldn't allow his perversions around. He threw out the magazines, actually made a big production out of it and burned it.. little did I know there was lots more I didn't find.

fast forward a few years .. we have our daughter. I hadn't noticed any more porn issues, but with a baby coming, work, and everything else going on, I really wasnt paying that much attention. After I had my daughter I went back to work everything was going fine.. so I thought.

We had bought a computer, for my H to contact his brother while he was deployed. My H and his brother were very close, so I knew that he would need something to contact him occasionally. I was working late day shifts at the time, at a bank(call center). I came home from work, and I find my H... sitting at the computer.. watching pornography. With my daughter (who was then 2) sitting in his lap. Needless to say I flipped out! I mean FLIPPED OUT!.. I screamed, I yelled. And the next day I quit my job. I couldn't leave him home alone with my child for him to do THIS! So I became a stay at home mom, babysitting my daughter.. and my husbands pornography addiction. Which at this point had turned to really hardcore BDSM type things. I also installed a keylogger into the computer. Found out a few weeks later that he was on a chat service pretending to be a woman talking to men about sex. Sending nude photos of himself to women and men. And joining BDSM websites and even a local group.

His addiction had become horrible.. but something I thought I could babysit and control. And by the time I found out about how bad it had become, I was pregnant again.

So there I was, no job, and 3 kids to babysit. My kids were a lot easier than my H. He had joined a BDSM club here in the city we lived in.. I don't know what actually happened at these meetings, but according to my H, they talked about equipment, and clothing, sometimes tried them out.. but there was never penetration or sex of any kind. Just lots of whipping and spanking. :scratchhead: (that seems like sex of some kind to me) anyway...

Fast forward to may of 2010.. I was fed up with his addiction. He was choosing it over me. I could have been served up naked with cherries on top in front of him, and he chose the porn every time. I was worried what my kids were learning from his behavior because by the age of 8 my daughter was picking up a lot. She would get the mail when she came home from school and say "DADDY GOT NAUGHTY STUFF AGAIN!" It was horrible. I didn't want my daughter to think this stuff is ok... or my son think that it was ok to look at women this way. 

So I packed us up and took the kids to a hotel. I talked to him several times. Told him I wanted to work it out, but this porn issue had to stop. He said he didn't know if he could stop. So we decided on MC and IC. IC was good for me... I learned a lot about myself. MC wasn't so good. We talked about a lot... H joined a sex addicts group. After 4 sessions the counselor said, "you guys are doing pretty good, we won't need another session for awhile".. and that was that...4 sessions. H refuses to go back. He also refuses the sex addicts meetings, saying the other men there are monsters and he isnt one of them.

Now a year later.. I find out he has feelings for his sisters best friend, they have spent a lot of time together drinking these last three months. He blames me.. saying I push him away. It's hard to get close to someone who has turned me down for porn, and now finds himself emotionally attatched to another woman and is constantly out drinking with her every weekend. 

Plus, I don't feel very attractive to him at the moment, I mean he's been throwing himself into porn mania, and not paying attention to me for 9 years or better... and now hes got another possible love interest. How am I suppose to feel attractive to him? I know I'm not ugly.. but he sure makes me feel it.

Tonight I just got the truth.. for 3 months he has been telling me OW was, "Just a friend", now he admits he has feelings for her, but they havent done anything sexual.. they just flirt. It took him an hour to admit it. And then another hour to tell me he would stop all contact with her. Now, this woman is my sister in laws best friend, shes at most family functions (sister in laws kids' birthdays and such). What do I tell his family when they start asking questions about why I won't let H go over to his sisters? What do I tell his sister when she calls me and tells me I'm being a controlling ***** by not letting her brother see her? (which she has and will do again). 

I'm right now on the fence.. part of me wants to throw his ass out. Another part wants me to make it work. Our trust has been beaten severly.. I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I love him, but I hate him.. and have hated him for awhile now because of everything. I can't find myself getting close to him again just to hurt me.. but I can't let him go either.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

holy sh*t thats long.. sorry ya'll!


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> ok here it comes.. it might be long sorry... *deep breath*
> 
> I met my H when I was 16 and he was 18. I had the hugest crush on him while cruising the high school hallways. He is tall dark and handsome. So when he turned his sights on me, I was thrilled. We were so in love, and so happy, we couldn't spend time apart. We moved in together when I was 17 and he was 19. We were married when I was 19 and he was 21.
> 
> ...


...now, that's ****ed up.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

If I were you I would stay with him.

If you want to be continually stressed and miserable that is.

He has cheated on you, he has exposed your daughter to porn. (That makes me want to vomit, it's tantamount to child abuse).

He went to BDSM meeting but nothing happened PFFFFT.

Obviously you think you love him or you wouldn't be there. But I really think you love the idea of what life would be like if he wasn't a selfish @*******. 

Life with him will never ever be that.

He obviously has no real desire o ever put you or your children first.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lily, reading your story, what do you LIKE about your husband? Seriously. Cause it seems he has a lot of issues w/ picking porn and BDSM over you and now he's involved with someone else. He was even sending naked pics of himself to men and women and going to meetings and dressing/getting spanked.

You deserve a lot better.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I've been sitting here trying to think of what I do like about him...

Is it bad if I really can't think of anything other than that hes a hard worker? 

Hes not a good husband... hes not a good father.. he has recent boughts of rage where he yells and curses at me and the kids for no apparent reason, (I chalked this up to me taking away his porn) when you take someones addiction away they become cranky children.

So why do I want to fix this? I'm unsure... fear of the unknown? fear of being alone? Not wanting to let HER have him? Not wanting to answer my kids when they ask why? all of the above...

He said he can't predict the future, he is afraid that if he leaves the kids and I, things with OW would go downhill fast because she is a heavy drinker and likes to call the cops on people when shes been drinking. (including her best friend, my sister in law)

He says he will stop all contact with her.. I told him I will be watching and know if he has been talking to her. this morning i noticed he took my daughters cell phone, he thinks im not watching that one for contact with her.

I'm wondering if I should even bother watching, from reading on here, everyone experiences 'trickle truth'.. so I'm waiting to find out they have been physical. I don't know if I want to wait to hear it. Everyone on here experiences lie after lie after lie.. I just found out a few of those lies last night. Not sure I want the rest of them in my lap.

His vehicle gets out of the shop on friday.. maybe I will just start slowly removing things of his to the garage. Most of it is still packed from my throwing him out tirade from last thursday. I almost had him out of my life... but I fell for his lies like a sucker, and let him back.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, ti's not a bad thing you can't think of of anything you DO like about him.

It's reality.

Make a list. Seriously. Make a list of what you like and don't like. And read it over and over.

You remind me of me in a way. Everything I liked about my ex had nothing to do with our relationship, mostly. And the thing that topped the list in his good points was always: "He's such a hard worker." Not "he's so loving and empathetic and compassionate and romantic, sweet, treats me as an equal/respects me as a woman." 

So seriously--start thinking about what you DO like and what you see a future with him is going to be like, even if he cuts it off with OW.

Sometimes I think we stay in relationships for the sake of having a relationship, because we've spent so much time in one, because it's familiar, and being single sounds scary as hell, because one half of our identity has for so long been tied to our partners.


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## JeffX (Oct 13, 2010)

That was really disturbing. If I was in your shoes, I'd leave. You tried with the counseling and his sex addicts groups. The whole watching porn with his daughter on his lap is beyond disturbing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Ok, wtf. I missed the part where Lily said that!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

RUN.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL. What Pit said!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I don't know why so many jilted spouses put up with this type of bull****. I know you "love" him still, but sometimes the writing is on the wall. He already acknowledged that he has feelings for, when those feelings should only be reserved for you. For me, its all or nothing. PERIOD!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

use caution, Lilyana. My H claimed for about 6 months that she was "just a friend" until I found the proof that she was more.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Well, he has already admitted he has feelings for her.. I've put the no contact rules in place.. I've even told him hes not allowed to talk to his sister anymore or go over there and drink. I said his sister isn't allowed in our lives anymore because she thought it was ok to lie to me, and help out an affair with her best friend. 

Today his sister asked him to go watch her daughters soccer game. I said, sure thas fine but I'm going to. OW was there, with her kids, and yes shes single. 

My H and I stood at the other end of the soccer field from them. Now I ask myself, if I weren't there would he have kept his distance and the no contact rules in place? Probably not. 

I told him today, if he wants to go, just go. Don't drag it out, don't tell me you love me and want to make this work. Just go.

My daughter was making idle conversation about injuries I've had and stuff tonight. There is a long scar on my hand and she asked what it was from. I told her the story, and she said... "mommy you know what the worst thing that ever happened to me was?" I said, "no baby whats that?" She said, "that time when we left daddy." 

What do I say to that, with this new stuff going on and the possibility of him leaving again? What do I tell my kids? I don't want to break their hearts, but I don't have it in me again to put my trust in this man. I refuse to spend nights or days crying because I don't know what hes up to. How do I do that without hurting my babys?


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## lou (Apr 22, 2011)

I would say that you're always doing your best to make decisions that will be best for her in the long run. That she might not always see the benefit in it, but she should trust you to love her enough to do what's best for her. Emphasize that you love her and she should trust you. Don't make false promises (Oh, we'll never leave again!) or trash talk her father. But make sure she knows she's loved a lot and you think of her in every decision you make.


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## Imas (Apr 25, 2011)

U need to take him to a doctor, meet a counceler before as this is seriuos, that can possibly help rebuild ur trust and relationship. Don't give up that easily.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

When we seperated last May, we did councelling and he joined an SA group. After one month the councellor said he didn't think we needed him anymore, and about 2 weeks later my H decided he didn't need to go to SA anymore. 

I asked H if he would like to try councelling again, he said No... said that he thinks if we can't do this by ourselves then theres no point. He also says if my trust for him is gone there is no point. But yet he stays here, I don't understand....

I do have an appointment with an attorney this morning, just to see what I should do to protect myself in case he does leave. He isn't gone yet, but it kind of feels like he already is, and has been for awhile.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

One other thing thats going on I didn't realize...

OW has developed a relationship with my children. Apparently while I was at work and he took the kids over to his sisters to have a "few" drinks and hang out she was there. At our neices soccer game last night my daughter spent about 20 minutes talking to OW. This hurt me extremely. But what can I do? I want to ask my daughter what she said, why they talk, how long have they been talking and all kinds of stuff.. but I can't do that. I don't want to put this on my kids' shoulders.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> One other thing thats going on I didn't realize...
> 
> OW has developed a relationship with my children. Apparently while I was at work and he took the kids over to his sisters to have a "few" drinks and hang out she was there. At our neices soccer game last night my daughter spent about 20 minutes talking to OW. This hurt me extremely. But what can I do? I want to ask my daughter what she said, why they talk, how long have they been talking and all kinds of stuff.. but I can't do that. I don't want to put this on my kids' shoulders.


Yeah, good, don't do that. Don't poke and prod the children.

This situation is beyond jacked up. 
The porn, the pretending to be a woman and talking to men, the meetings, the feelings...wow.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I know.. I'm so confused.. hurt .. angry...

I spend my time between wanting to pull a lorena bobbit on him.. and poison his dinner... to wanting to make it work and wanting him to love me... sick at twisted as it may be.

I know the evidence shows he is only going to love himself ever. He blames me for everything thats happened... I don't think we can be fixed.. and I don't know why I want to anymore. Like I said I can't really think of anything I like about him anymore.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

You are one tough lady to still be there putting up with this kind of stuff. You should find someone who will treat you right and with respect, you kinda deserve it!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

i did give him til the middle of june to figure out what he wants.. if he hasnt decided by then, I will decide for him.. 

I only gave him this long because our daughters birthday is coming up and I don't want to make her birthday this big traumatic 'mommy and daddy split up on my birthday' thing.

Time to redirect myself to the 180.. going to counseling too. I used to be in a womens group, its just to talk about marriage and family issues. Think I will go back, I haven't been there in almost a year. I need all the support I can get right now.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Did I do the right thing in making him stop all contact with his sister as well? 

She condons his EA with OW (her best friend) 

She has allowed him to lie to me, his wife of 15 years, about where he was and what hes been up to.

She trash talks me to my H (and possibly my children) constantly.

I feel bad for having drawn this line, it is H's sister after all and I know that I can not stop contact with her 100 percent. But I told him, if something is going on in the family and she needs to contact you, she can call me. If she needs something, she can call me. She will not contact you anymore about going over to her house to drink, or hang out with OW and she will not use her phone number as an easy way for OW to contact you.

Thus, I have blocked his sisters number and OW number from contacting his phone.. was that right of me?


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Your SIL will always undermine your position if this woman is her "best" friend. I don't see how this is going to work if HIS family is passive toward his blatant infidelity. How can you not see this? I just don't want to see you in a false R, that's all.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I don't want to be in a false R either.. but I think I already am. H is randomly disappearing from the house for half an hour at the time.. I'm sure to either call his sister or OW.. I blocked their calls and texts.. but there is nothing i can do about him calling them. Half tempted to just cut off his phone at this point.. but it wouldn't do any good.

I'm fighting a battle that I'm going to lose.. I don't really have it in me to fight. H refuses to go to counselling, I joined my womens support group. I'm going starting this thursday. Met with a lawyer this morning.. just to get piece of mind and to protect myself for when he does decide to go or i decide to throw him out. 

Things feel uncomfortable.. strained.. tense. It's not a good situation right now. Not sure if I can take this until the middle of june. Wondering if it wouldnt be better to just pull the bandaide off now, I just don't want to make my daughters up coming birthday about her mommy and daddy seperating.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SIl is enabling the affair. She is NOT for your marriage.

Lily, he has a lot of issues. What do you think he can do to actually make the marriage work? He sounds very dispectful and like he has a lot of issues. If it was an affair and he ended ti, I'd say awesome--work it out. But you have got a lot of other things lurking in the background: the porn w/ your daughter, the BDSM chatting online, past unfaithfulness...

You need to tell him you're not going to tolerate this BS.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Ive told him.. he knows.. the reason I left him last may was the Porn and online affairs. Told him I wouldn't tolerate it again. Let him move in with me in my apartment... and now its a RL affair with someone who is only a few blocks away. 

I don't know what he can do to fix it.. I've blocked him from his sister and the OW.. and I still don't feel at peace about anything. I do want him gone, but know that I will be blamed for everything.. from his family.. my family.. everyone. We have a lot of the same friends.. so I will lose all or most of them too. I think at this point its more the fear of being alone.... although when we seperated last year, I felt great, I was able to take care of myself and my kids better, my depression lifted. Even not having the support of my family.. i really was better.

The fear of hurting my children is gut wrenching as well. the other day when my daughter mentioned to me that the worst thing that ever happened to her was when we left daddy.. that makes this sooooooo hard. 

She doesn't remember the incident when she was 2.. and since then no incidents like that have happened because I have been babysitting my H's problem since (shes almost 9 now). Her birthday is a month away.. and I don't want her to have a traumatic birthday where her daddy or his family arent there for it. She loves her daddy. She's a daddys girl... and I'm afraid to take that away from her. This stems from my own daddy issues I am sure.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well in the end it boils down to: do you want to stay in your marriage as is or do you want to move on.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

oh hell no I don't want to stay in it as it is! .. I go throw moments where I feel empowered.. ready to move on! and then something gets said or done and I feel like.. i can fix it. I'm the codependant fixer.. If i stick by him and make him happy... i will be happy right? RIGHT?!

Codependant bullsh*t... it sucks.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Sounds like your answering all of your own questions, and your clear on what needs to be done. Your just scared to do it. Your using the birthday thing as a reason to procrastinate to avoid the confrontation and delay being "alone" ... ? How much do you think is genuinely for them (kids) and how much is really for you (fear/codependance)? I'm just curious if you asked yourself these questions... I can't know, only you know those answers.

You do know that regardless of it being on a birthday or some random day, it's still going to be tough on the children. That day or this time is going to be burned into the history of your lives regardless...There is never going to be a good time to do this, or really even a "less bad" time... 

Do you feel like that might be your rationalization for not making and acting on a decision that your soul & rational mind sound like they are pushing you towards ?

It's going to be hard, and the best thing you can do is be strong for them, they need you to be strong you owe it to them not to waffle on this... Make a decision, look it in the eye, stand strong, chin up. Your indecision and fear radiate from you and it will radiate right to your kids and make this harder for them to cope with, they will follow your emotional lead and look to you for security when this happens ...


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Yes of course I'm rationalizing reasons to stay.. when I know I just want out. It's my codependacy.. my fear.. and I'm looking for reasons to stay in it other then myself. 

Last may, I took a stand and left him.. which was right around my daughters birthday too... I didn't think abuot that then, so of course I know I'm using it as an excuse now.

Deep down I know, the kids and I will be fine.. maybe even better. Its so hard to let go of 15 years.. even if most of them were hell.


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## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

After everything he has put you through, why on earth would you give him the choice of "if he wants to stay" ? He should be begging you to stay!

Be strong and take the first step, the first step is the hardest....the kids will be fine!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> Yes of course I'm rationalizing reasons to stay.. when I know I just want out. It's my codependacy.. my fear.. and I'm looking for reasons to stay in it other then myself.
> 
> Last may, I took a stand and left him.. which was right around my daughters birthday too... I didn't think abuot that then, so of course I know I'm using it as an excuse now.
> 
> Deep down I know, the kids and I will be fine.. maybe even better. Its so hard to let go of 15 years.. even if most of them were hell.


Yes, it's very hard. I know. I'm very sorry and sad for you and everyone else that has to live through these times. 

I still fall back on a thought that empowered me to make the tough decisions...

I felt like there were only two absolutes...

I deal with this, or this deals with me.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Again71 said:


> After everything he has put you through, why on earth would you give him the choice of "if he wants to stay" ? He should be begging you to stay!
> 
> Be strong and take the first step, the first step is the hardest....the kids will be fine!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are right, he should be begging me to stay.. And I know this. It's just the fear in me, not wanting to let go. Wanting to fix it. Not wanting to be alone. I also don't want him to go to OW, which I know he will. I may not really want him anymore.. but i sure don't want her to have him! 

Altho i have heard its nice to give your used toys to the less fortunate


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Yes, it's very hard. I know. I'm very sorry and sad for you and everyone else that has to live through these times.
> 
> I still fall back on a thought that empowered me to make the tough decisions...
> 
> ...


oh how true that is... Its been dealing with me for so long. I need to find that inner strength I had a year ago when I left... where is that wonderwoman I had in me then? I need that feeling of empowerment again, so I can deal with this.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> I need to find that inner strength I had a year ago when I left... where is that wonderwoman I had in me then? I need that feeling of empowerment again, so I can deal with this.


I was scared to death to be alone and the thought of my marriage and family being broken apart was emotionally cripling... The thought literally paralized me.... 

After months of indecision and spinning my wheels trying desprately to work it out, find a way where I don't think there ever was one... I realized this was dealing with me and this wasn't going away... I finally had a moment of clarity, a brief window of disconnect from the fear...

Had to ask myself who _I was_, or rather _who_ my child's father was... 

lol. Kinda like WWDD... (what would (_his_) Daddy Do?)

That gave me some courage and made the tough decisions worth it.

I felt like as long as I could keep my heart pure and do things for the _right reason_, without malice, revenge or the intention of hurting anyone... I could be his hero, I wanted to be _that_ guy. You have to decide you want to be _that_ women, _that_ mom... Decide and don't back off of that.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I am wrestling with what to tell my kids. 

I know I want him out.. I know I'm not happy.. I know things need to change and I know I don't want to spend another day like this.

Do I tell them, "mommy and daddy are confused and hurt by each other right now and are not sure if they can work it out, so daddy will not be living here. we still both love you very much, and if you have any questions or have anything you want to talk to us about we are here." (admitting there is a problem without being specific)

or do I tell them, "daddy has a girlfriend right now, and he has decided he wants to see if things with her will work out. He still loves you both very much, but he will not be living here, and if you have any questions you can ask us." (telling them exactly what the problem is)

I have never agreed to telling children what the specific "adult" problem is, because they do not understand adult emotions or have the ability to process them correctly. So I'm unsure what to tell them.

I have been sitting here thinking a lot this morning... I know I can't live like this.. And as things sit right now I have isolated H from his family (sister) because of her actions against my marriage, and since she is family I know I can not totally cut her out. I have removed his entire family from my facebook page, and I know soon they are going to start wondering why. This is not a way family is suppose to behave or be. 

I don't want to give my children false hope that we are going to work this out either.. because I know the minute he is gone, its over. I don't want my children thinking that he will come back and we will be a family again.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

The first time I left my H, my daughter knew why, because she found his porn all the time laying around... she knew it hurt my feelings, she had seen me cry over it many times. So when we left there was never a question as to why.. but now.. they don't know about H and OW relationship.. maybe they do, considering that they have a relationship with her too (which i didn't know until monday)


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So, H just called me. 

I was trying to keep the call very business like. Told him I needed him to stop at the school and give them some lunch money for the rest of the school year. (only 2 more weeks to go)

He all of a sudden sighed and said.... "I wish I had a crystal ball"

I said, "for?"

H said.. "well If I could look into it and it would tell me how the future would work out between me and OW or me and you, I could make the choice easier."

I said, "so your telling me if you could see that OW and you would live happily ever after you would leave the kids and I that easily?"

he replied, "thats not what I meant"

I said.. What did you mean then?

He sighed.. said forget it.. and hung up...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I wish i were about a foot taller and 100 lbs heaver so I could kick his a$$ right now!


Maybe I should change my name to Crystal Ball.. and show him how his future is gonna be!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> So, H just called me.
> 
> I was trying to keep the call very business like. Told him I needed him to stop at the school and give them some lunch money for the rest of the school year. (only 2 more weeks to go)
> 
> ...


W.T.F.

Are you kidding me???

Your H has zero respect for you, Lily. He is a cad.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Oye Lily. You need to go into survival mode. Business only talk. Nothing else. Do not question him about his future, the OW, you and him, etc... Starting right now you live for you and your kids and make decisions as if he is no longer going to be around. It is time to stand up for You! He is playing you because, I hate to say this to you, you are letting him. It is time to end the games.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> So, H just called me.
> 
> I was trying to keep the call very business like. Told him I needed him to stop at the school and give them some lunch money for the rest of the school year. (only 2 more weeks to go)
> 
> ...


He said that nonsense to you. What a low life piece of ****.

He wants an easier choice? Lily, don't even let him have a freakin' choice.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

> Found out a few weeks later that he was on a chat service pretending to be a woman talking to men about sex. Sending nude photos of himself to women and men.


Lily, did he ever explain why he felt the need to pretend to be a woman and talk about sex w/men and then send nude pics of himself to men?


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

This is so abusive emotionally... I don't understand how he can live with himself doing this to me.. I could never do this.

I have to take a stand.. And I will.. tonight. I can't do this anymore, not one more day.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

KathyGriffinFan said:


> Lily, did he ever explain why he felt the need to pretend to be a woman and talk about sex w/men and then send nude pics of himself to men?


When I brought this up in our MC session the MC said that it was because he is so deep in his addiction he doesnt care who hes talking to about it, or where he was getting it from. 

I can not see him gay.. i can not even see him has bi curious. I have a good friend that i work with who is gay and not afraid to be flamboyant about it. My H refuses to even hang out with this guy. I don't know.. maybe he is gay and just afraid of his own sexuallity.. maybe hes just confused sexually all around.

The fact that he talked to men, or women, or pretended to be something he isn't.. wasn't really the issue to me, it was that he was sooooooooooo addicted he chose to let it drive a wedge in our marriage and choose it over me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Him saying he needs a crystal ball so he can make an easier choice... I would tell him, No worries--I am making the choice for you.

UGH!


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## lou (Apr 22, 2011)

"I wish I had've had a crystal ball and married someone who respects and loves me."


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Lil, I am so sorry for your situation, if you need to talk, pm me.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Expose his porn issue to the other woman if you want to be rid of her.

Sounds like he's had gay sex somewhere along the way. Suggest testing for STDs.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So, because of the kids being around us all the time.. i wrote a note.. and slipped it to H when he got home, told him to take it in his room read it alone and lock the door if it was going to make him upset..basically in the note i told him he needed to move out on friday if he can't make a choice between me and her. I said in it about wanting the H who loved me back, the one that used to hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright and the one that told me he loved me.

I got nothing from him... He left the bedroom after reading it (i assume) and I got nothing.. he played with the kids. Ate dinner.. played on facebook, watched ESPN, then went to bed. 

Guess that answers that.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

OMG what a freakin' jerk!!!


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Syrum said:


> If I were you I would stay with him.
> 
> If you want to be continually stressed and miserable that is.
> 
> ...


Syrum and me have completley different takes on Porn we have gotton into it in another thread about it but here Syrum is exactly right. To watch porn with not only your daughter in your room but sitting right on your lap. That is beyond disgusting I am not even christian and I think their is a special section of hell neighboring the pedophiles for this creep. 

It is absolutley reprehensible and in my opinion unforgivable. I would keep allyour daughters as far away from him as possible because any man who puts his daughter in that situation is not a man but sick twisted pervert.

As for the BDSM thing the thing about fetishes is its not the intercourse. He was getting release just by being there and being spanked/spanking, he was getting his need met and it wasn't by you or with your permission so it is cheating pure and simple.

In regards to what youtell his family its not your job to own what he did wrong either he wants to and you want to give him another shot (I am firmly against that) or you leave him.You can not keep covering up for this scumbag.

Sorry if any of that comes out as to harsh but after reading your story I just want to find this guy and give him a taste of the hell that will forever plague his soul before sending him to it to see it was just a taste.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Niceguy13 said:


> Syrum and me have completley different takes on Porn we have gotton into it in another thread about it but here Syrum is exactly right. To watch porn with not only your daughter in your room but sitting right on your lap. That is beyond disgusting I am not even christian and I think their is a special section of hell neighboring the pedophiles for this creep.
> 
> It is absolutley reprehensible and in my opinion unforgivable. I would keep allyour daughters as far away from him as possible because any man who puts his daughter in that situation is not a man but sick twisted pervert.
> 
> ...


I agree..which is why since my daughter was 2, I have been completely unstable when it comes to working, this is the only issue H has with me. I will get a job, work at it for a little while and see things that terrify me, and I will quit, just to babysit his "addiction". I don't leave him with the kids anymore at all. I'm afraid his addiction is going to become worse and worse. They say that the direction he is going, is like any addict, when one drug starts to not have the same kick, they go to something a little more extreme. Every person I told when this happened, my parents, some trusted family member, and a friend of mine, and 3 different therapists, they downplay it. saying he must not have realized she crawled in his lap. And thats his excuse too. 

I have babysat him for too long. I have let his addiction rip my self esteem apart, and let him expose my children to it. I will probably be punished for sticking around as long as I have with this sh*t. The man I fell in love with, the man I married, no longer exists and he never will again. I have finally realized that.

Tomorrow is friday, his deadline day. Today I have IC. Hopefully it will prepare me a little for tomorrow. Unsure if I should have a little talk with the kids or not about what is going on, so they aren't completely shocked tomorrow when their daddy gets kicked out.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So.. I made a little step in my codependance therapy today. I can not control his behavior, and I can not control what he is going to do or who he is going to love.

I unblocked his sister.. he can contact her all he wants. If she wants to push him to her best friend, well they deserve each other. H will be calling me at 9:00 this morning (cuz he always does).. its confusing to me, he calls me during his breaks just to see whats going on.. wtf?

Anyway.. when he calls I'm going to tell him... "due to your lack of a response to my letter I have decided that I can not make you love me, and I can not control what you do. But I can control how I react to it. So as of this moment, you are free to continue to do whatever you want to do, and I will do what I want to do. You will not, however, flaunt your "party time" at your sisters, or the other women in front of my children. So you must move out, and if you move into your sisters, you will not be allowed to have our children over there with all the drinking that goes on. You can visit your children whenever you want in my home, until you get your own place. I expect you to continue paying bills like you said you would, for us here. Our rent is due, so I hope to see the payment for that soon." 

Yes? Does this sound like what I should say?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Niceguy13 said:


> To watch porn with not only your daughter in your room but sitting right on your lap. That is beyond disgusting I am not even christian and I think their is a special section of hell neighboring the pedophiles for this creep.
> 
> It is absolutley reprehensible and in my opinion unforgivable. I would keep allyour daughters as far away from him as possible because any man who puts his daughter in that situation is not a man but sick twisted pervert.
> 
> Sorry if any of that comes out as to harsh but after reading your story I just want to find this guy and give him a taste of the hell that will forever plague his soul before sending him to it to see it was just a taste.


I want to quote this reply just to let you know your response is not harsh... It is right in line.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lily... you were right to give him a note.

I wouldn't give him another one seeing as he didn't respond.

Tomorrow is Friday and I would just tell him to his face that you have been thinking a lot about everything and that if he an't commit to you and end things with OW, then he doesn't have your best interest and he can move out. That will you be taking appropriate actions including up to and filing for divorce.

This guy has a PATTERN of disgusting behavior. You are WORTH MORE.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I've already been incontact with an attorney for legal advice. The lawyer keeps calling me to ask if I have thrown him out yet. lol (he advises i wake up soon before things get even worse... i can't imagine even worse right now)

H never called during his break, so I will probably hear from him during his lunch break.. which I plan on telling him.. I am no longer and option.. I will not be making him a priority anymore. He is free to go see if things work out with OW.

I do have a problem tho.. if he goes to stay at his sisters, all that goes on there all the time is drinking.. thats all they do all the time. They get wasted, with my sister in laws 4 kids there and OW's 2 kids. I do not want to allow my children in that situation for weekend visitations. Can I keep him from seeing the kids there and tell them he can visit when he wants at my apartment?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That is something to ask your lawyer about (re: kids).

I would just tell him you have decided you won't live in an open marriage and as long as he's involved with her, you aren't an option anymore. 

GET TESTED FOR STDS, LIL.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I have a doctors appointment this afternoon.. I'm going to. I set up the appointment because I have been having frequent chest pain for 2 months now. I think its acid reflux, triggered by anxiety. They have been trying to tell me it was a virus in my lungs, but months on anti inflammitories and antibiotics have done nothing. I'm now on an anti anxiety med, but think its still acid reflux as im still having pain.. especially after i try to eat or walk anywhere. but yes I will get checked for STD's. I PROMISE! 

Thats how I found out he was cheating on me early in our relationship when I was still in High school.. he gave me crabs.. was horrifying and embarassing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WHAAAT? Omg Lily it sounds like he's been a cheat for many yrs now.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I wouldn't know really.. its possible and probable. I spend a lot of my time babysitting him so he really wouldn't have had a lot of time until recently when I started working again (which forced him to now current OW).

I just had the conversation with him.. I told him he has too many options and I'm removing myself as one of them. He is free to go.

Basically we came to the conclusion, because a lot is going on this weekend (daughters bday party, and the circus) we really don't want to take away from their weekend. So he will be moving out next week.

I told him I don't care anymore, I am done. He can do what he wants. This is the first time I have really said those words.. and his response was, "but I love you, and i think i want to make this work".. first time he said it in 3 years. I replied, "too late".


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Oh, and I have my first IC appointment this evening. It's the first one I've had in a long time. I mentioned to H that I was bringing the kids over to my best friends house because I decided to start therapy for myself. 

To which he replied...

"oh so you have somewhere to go to bash me now?"

No, I'm doing this for ME! To help myself! To become a stronger person! and to end my codependant ways! I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR YOU OR TO YOU ANYMORE! *&^#*$^*#^*^$#*&^$#


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> use caution, Lilyana. My H claimed for about 6 months that she was "just a friend" until I found the proof that she was more.


Wow, common theme. Must be the script. I have heard and believe that those three words are the most destructive to a marriage "just a friend". I wonder if there is ever an instance where that phrase was true. The spouse would have to suspect it was more before that phrase would ever be uttered.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

In my case, I think she is just a friend.. well the current one. my H confided in his sister that he likes OW. And my SIL has been trying to push them together. OW is single, but I don't know if she has any interest in my H, and Neither does he, which is why he hasn't left yet. I think if she showed an inkling of interest, hed be gone in a flash. I honestly don't think anything has happened between them yet... but it will. And as I said.. I don't care anymore. She can have my used toys. He's too late.. I'm gone.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> He's too late.. I'm gone.


Own that statement. Cross that river and burn the bridge.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Own that statement. Cross that river and burn the bridge.


I'm going to... I have to. To protect my own sanity, or I'm going to be in a padded room in a straight jacket one day. I will over come this.. I will come out on the other side stronger. I will not let him have any power over my feelings anymore.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Went to the doctor this afternoon.. have to go see a GI specialist next week to test for acid reflux... 

Told doc about whats going on in my marriage, he took lots of blood and samples. Test results will be back tomorrow, and doc promised to call as soon has he had them. But, he said for the most part everything looks "clean" ... good thing i showered! lol

Had IC tonight as well. It went ok, my therapist (whom was my therapist a year ago) says she is proud that I am finally standing up for myself. But she told me to not let him decide on when he moves out. My name is on the lease.. i could THROW him out. And I should. She gave me yet another copy of "codependant no more" and some other reading material. She said shes proud of me, and that I look better than I did a year ago. Probably because I've done some growing and learning about myself since then. And it helps that I'm not so sucked into a depression I can't even peel myself out of bed. She also felt the need to hand me a hypno therapy tape to aide in quitting smoking... i really dont want to quit right now, one trauma at a time doc!

Hardly spoke to H at all, hes been absorbed in the NFL draft all night, screaming obscenities at the TV everytime he doesn't like something. I'm honestly irritated with him right now. I keep telling him to shut up cuz hes gonna wake up my kids.. UGH. Even his BO is bugging me tonight, he took his work shirt off and threw it on the floor.. i could smell his BO.. it made me want to wretch. I then told him I wasn't his maid and to pick up his sh*t. 

I took the kids and walked to my best friends house who is only a block up the road. We let our kids ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk while we just sat and visited. It was nice. Drank some Iced Tea with mint in it. I felt peace that I haven't felt in awhile. Got home put the kids in bed, and am now winding down getting ready to put myself in bed. Not a bad afternoon/evening.. would be better if he weren't here.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> To which he replied...
> 
> "oh so you have somewhere to go to bash me now?"
> *&^#*$^*#^*^$#*&^$#


Gosh, what a freakin' as-hole...sometimes, you just gotta laugh at their stupid a-ses :rofl:


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So, this morning I got the thrill of listening to my daughter talk about OW.

D: "mommy, how come we haven't been to aunt T's lately?"

M: "Aunt T has been busy, as have we. Why?"

D: "well, I miss talking to J (OW), she is fun and nice."

M: "oh, I'm sorry you miss her, maybe you will see her again soon."

D: "Mommy, Daddy said you don't like Aunt T and J anymore"

M: "It's not that Mommy doesn't like them, Mommy just doesn't agree with some things they do."

D: "What do they do?"

M: "Well, I think they drink way to much, and don't pay attention to all of the kids over there, which is why I don't like you going over there with daddy too much. What would happen if one of you kids fell down and broke your leg? Who would drive you to the hospital."

D: "Yeah, they are always drunk, and sometimes its annoying. But Mommy, Aunt T and J have always been nice to me, I think you should try and be nice to them and maybe they would be nice to you"

M: "I'll think about that.. time to go to school!"

UGH UGH UGH! The fact that the OW has developed a relationship with my children makes me friggin ILL!.. I wanna hurt them they way they are hurting me. This sucks....


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> So, this morning I got the thrill of listening to my daughter talk about OW.
> 
> D: "mommy, how come we haven't been to aunt T's lately?"
> 
> ...


It sucks, but you handled it extremely well. You children are very lucky to have you.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Don't get me wrong.. I'm tempted to say all the wrong things! Like....

"J is a home wrecking wh*re"

"Aunt T thinks it's ok for your daddy to f*ck J behind mommy's back"

and so on and so forth... but I know my kids wont understand, and what would it help for me to spew venom about everyone? Sometimes I just want to scream to someone about how horrible they all are.. being on here helps lol


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> Don't get me wrong.. I'm tempted to say all the wrong things! Like....
> 
> "J is a home wrecking wh*re"
> 
> "Aunt T thinks it's ok for your daddy to f*ck J behind mommy's back"


lol. obviously that would be the wrong thing to do, but hilarious on so many levels. Very Jerry Springer'esque!!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I should call that show.. would make a great episode.. and I think it would fit well considering that OW is trailer trash 

Now if only she had a penis.. that would be a great story! 

But if she tried to fight me, I would probably lose.. shes bigger than me. Wonder if Jerry's bodygaurds would protect me?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> I should call that show.. would make a great episode.. and I think it would fit well considering that OW is trailer trash
> 
> Now if only she had a penis.. that would be a great story!


UMmmmmmmm. That's not what makes this story Springer worthy... Having your drunk husband sitting on stage in his leather BDSM outfit (pretending to be a girl perhaps?) with your daugther on his lap and watching the other fathers in the audience finally lose it and attack him would be must watch TV. lol.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

hahahaha.. omg.. this makes my life seem so rediculous. Removing myself from the picture and looking at it from the outside.. its like.. omg wake the f*ck up lady.. what are you still doing here?! The springer audience would probably attack me for being stupid enough to stay this long.. I would kick my own a$$ if i could... don't have long enough legs.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I know, isnt it amazing when you really step back and look at it from an outsiders point of view? I look at myself and my situation and think WTF????


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Softball was cancelled tonight... apparently the field is flooded.. damn SD water issues. The river is crazy over. 

So this opens up my whole night and really don't want to sit home with H here.

Texted my best friend, she wants me to come over, hang out, watch a movie. But she suggested I leave my kids with H, which I have huge issues about and she knows it. I haven't left him alone with the kids for longer than 15 minutes in a long time. Maybe I'll bring the kids over to their sitters? I don't want to sit here all night with him.. but I will not leave my kids alone with him either.

This is probably going to be a huge issue with me when the seperation is final and hes out. I can't legally keep the kids from him. Maybe I should start learning to let it go now. They are going to be alone with him at some point.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

see if one of your parents can watch them? If you have proof that he is unfit, perhaps you could get supervised visitation. The water is bad up here too.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

my parents live in MN so that cant happen. Yeah I have the proof to really nail his a$$ to the wall if I need to. But, he says he doesn't want to fight for custody anyway. And I really don't want to make this harder for the kids then it has to be. My daughter is a daddy's girl. This is gonna be rough on her.. sent you a FB friend request btw


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

K


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I just went to my H's profile to see if hes done much on there.. and noticed hes been answering questions about how hed like to be spanked.. 

And he tells me I'm making him look bad to my family and wonders why my grandma removed him from facebook lol


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> my H's been answering questions about how hed like to be spanked..
> 
> And he tells me I'm making him look bad to my family


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


>


:rofl:


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

LOL, I saw your husband, you are a cutie, he so doesn't deserve you.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

i checked out you n ur hubby too... lol.. curiosity eh? and your a cutie too.. thanks 

cuteness or not.. no one deserves to be treated this way.. I can't believe he tossed in my face the other day, "everyone in your family looks at me different now because you made me out to be something i'm not"

ahhhh sorry.. but.. its all the truth! guess what.. yuo are that something you dont want to be.. and thats why my family removes you from facebook because of your dumba$$ed postings...

God... sometimes I wonder how that man remembers to breathe in and out every day


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Noooo kidding lol. No one deserves it, for sure. Ummmm his actions are making him in to something he clearly is, DUH!!!! lol, not you talking to your family.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I'm really in a bouncy uplifted mood today.. been posting silly all over the forums.. I'll probably get banned at this rate! lol

I don't know I just feel... better.. since telling him its over, and I don't care what he does anymore.

I know if I see him when he gets home tonight.. I'll be back to not being in a very happy mood. Maybe I'll take the kids and go out for dinner.. catch a movie or something with them. I just don't want the better mood I'm feeling today to go away.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I have been goofy too, not sure how I'll feel when he gets home. Would it be bad of me if I set up a puzzle/margarita date with my friend B? Drinking margaritas and doing a 1k piece puzzle, my girls are at my sisters, my son can play with her younger two kids, I know I could just crash there since I could get tipsy and obviously wouldn't wanna drive home. Just tell him where I'm at, and just not come home? Would that be immature of me? lol I mean she is a very trustworthy friend and wouldn't put the moves on me LOL, but I'd be doing something fun, being safe, my son would have fun with her kids, but let him wonder what I am up to, who knows maybe he wouldn't even care.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I would do it.. dont worry about what he thinks.. do it for you! get out and have some fun! Sometimes a nice evening and some girl time helps a lot. If he calls, tell him you are crashing at your friends.. thats all he needs to know


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I kinda wanted to be mean and not necessarily tell him whether I'd be home or not, let him assume I am coming home and just not show up....but I would around 9 or 10 tomorrow morning LOL, get cleaned up, and make sure I'm not home when he gets off of work, by going to walmart and going grocery shopping, it's kinda a mind game lol, and I don't like playing games.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

paramore said:


> LOL, I saw your husband, you are a cutie, he so doesn't deserve you.





Lilyana said:


> i checked out you n ur hubby too... lol.. curiosity eh? and your a cutie too.. thanks


Totally rigged that you guys get to know what the person your talking to actually looks like...

This will sound shallow or something I'm sure... Sometimes I wonder when I read some of the posts here, specifically a few of you ladies that tell your stories and I say to myself OMG WTF!!. I sometimes wonder if you are some kinda trolls that couldnt hook another dude to save your lives so your holding onto what you have and allowing them to treat you worse than crap on the bottom of their shoes... lol. Ok, I said it. lol. 

Probably shallow of me to think like that because regardless of what anyone looks like they don't deserve to be cheated on... but some of these stories make me wonder what could make you put up with some of this...


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Pit....I just discovered Lily lives about 3 hours away from me and we facebooked each other for reals, and we are linked with our hubbies showing that we are married. Are you grumpy today? lol All it was is that we both discovered we are from South Dakota lol, and thought it was kinda weird that we came across each other.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I'm gonna come over there and break your CD with Dear Liza on it, oh and I was fb friends with Apple and didn't realize it until a week or two ago when she posted a poem on here that she posted on her profile, if you want I can give you proof LOL


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

paramore said:


> Pit....
> 
> we are linked with our hubbies showing that we are married. Are you grumpy today? lol .


lol, no I should have utilized the "smilies"  option to show I was just being funny. But I do get curious what the people I seem to interact with so much actually look like. Of course I know everyone here is married and in the same train wreck I'm in. Big family of anonomous damaged people. lol. 



paramore said:


> I'm gonna come over there and break your CD with Dear Liza on it, oh and I was fb friends with Apple and didn't realize it until a week or two ago when she posted a poem on here that she posted on her profile, if you want I can give you proof LOL


wow, really? that's past bizarre, you were already "friends" with her and didnt know you were both active here? and your both in SD? what are the odds?.

My son will be most angry with you if you break his CD. But if your willing to take a 20 hour roadtrip to come vandalize a 3 year old's favorite CD then I see why ur marriage is all fuxered up, YOUR A CRAZY WOMEN!! CRAZY!! :rofl:


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I should explain I found out today Lily is from my state, we just became fb friends today, apple was my fb friend for a year or two, and her and I just realized that we had both been on here. Weird huh, nah I would never come over and break someones cd...or would I lol...problem my husbands cd's are mine too, and there's some really good music, so I'd be doing myself a huge disservice haha.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

You are right Pit.. we are all deformed humpbacks with hairy warts and no teeth


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> You are right Pit.. we are all deformed humpbacks with hairy warts and no teeth



Now come on, what guy wouldn't wanna hit that


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Right! We be sexy biotchs!!!!!!! *big toothless smiles*


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

LOL!!! I just put some white hominy in where my toothless spaces are and pretend they are my teeth, I unfortunately have to wear a bib so the drool doesn't dribble on my shirt HAHAHA


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

lmao!! i just use my kid's vampire teeth from halloween.. less drool.. and their orange!


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

now THAT is sexy lol.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> You are right Pit.. we are all deformed humpbacks with hairy warts and no teeth


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

here ya go

Ugly Woman | Flickr - Photo Sharing!

there is a pretty hot chick for ya


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

LOL you guys...

So I figured a little update...

I told H last thursday, that I was through, I am removing myself as an option if he refuses to make me a priority. He's waiting for his vehicle to get repaired before he moves out .. ugh, I hate this waiting stuff. And living in the same home as him is just like adding salt to the wound.

Saturday I threw a birthday party for my daughter, it was just some of her friends from school spending the night. I ran into an old friend from HS and his wife, they were there for a wedding reception. I went to the party and talked to them for awhile, caught up on old times, saw a few more old friends. H spent most of his time texting and avoiding the kids and I. So when I told him to keep an eye on the kids I was going to go visit a friend, this annoyed him. He kept texting me the whole time I was visiting.

I took H's phone away from him that night as well. I told him if he was going to spend time with the kids, then he was going to SPEND TIME WITH THE KIDS, not text his girlfriend all day. To which his reply was, "im texting my sister geez". So I took his phone.. once I had it in my posession i realized he has been deleting every single text he recieves or sends.. gee hiding much?

I gave his phone back that night, told him to spend time with his kids or leave.. his choice. 

Sunday we went to the circus. Again he was constantly texting. I know OW is sister in laws best friend, so I'm sure hes texting his "sister".

He texted me this morning and asked me to get on his facebook to harvest his crops on farmville. So I log on there and see he added a new friend this morning. I go to this persons page, and its a Male Dom. He had sent a messege to him saying "i like spankings". Then I noticed another messege to a gay male telling him "spank spank". 

Is he possibly gay? I mean this isn't the first time this has happened. And when we went to MC the therapist said that him talking to anyone about sex is just that... talking to someone about sex feeding his addiction, doesn't matter if its male or female. But I notice A LOT more messeges to men on facebook about the BDSM thing. I'm starting to wonder if I really know this man anymore.

Anyway, busy day later today, have an interview for a promotion in my company.. hoping it works out and I get a huge raise  And hopefully not too many others in the company applied for the promotion. H refused to give me money for the kids' school lunches, so I have to head down to the food stamp office and see if they can help with just the kids' lunches for the rest of the school year, only 12 days to go.

H also refused to help pay any bills this month, stating hes moving out so he doesn't "have" to. So am going to talk to the child support services office and see if they can give me some help now. UGH he is being an a$$hole. He told me when he moved out he would continue to help with rent and bills because he couldn't not support his children. Then WTF is he doin now? idiot....


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

It's hard to say if he confused about his sexuality or not, maybe he seeks out the males cuz it doesn't seem like cheating to him??? I dunno, I don't know the guys sexual history. But yes do go to your child support office and get that taken care of. He is technically responsible for the rent/bills and what not if his name is on them, that is HIS responsibility for taking care of his children.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> He texted me this morning and asked me to get on his facebook to harvest his crops on farmville. So I log on there and see he added a new friend this morning. I go to this persons page, and its a Male Dom. He had sent a messege to him saying "i like spankings". Then I noticed another messege to a gay male telling him "spank spank".
> 
> Is he possibly gay? *I mean this isn't the first time this has happened*. And when we went to MC the therapist said that him talking to anyone about sex is just that... talking to someone about sex feeding his addiction, doesn't matter if its male or female. But I notice A LOT more messeges to men on facebook about the BDSM thing. I'm starting to wonder if I really know this man anymore.


Idk if he's gay but he definitely seems to be into men. You say it's not the first time. My advice is to please get tested for STDs and stat. Are you filing divorce or separation? I think you should file child support at minimum.

Good luck on your interview toady.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I was tested for STD's last week.. everything came back in the clear but my doctor advised a recheck in six months, just to make sure.

Right now I haven't filed for anything. I have spoken to an attorney. And I am going to file for child support this afternoon. I think I can get it going even if he is still living here? not sure will have to ask.

I know if I file for divorce, in this state there is a 90 day wait period (cooling off period) before it will enter the courts, from the date of file. So i would like to get that going ASAP. Perhaps while I'm out running errands I will stop at my lawyers office.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes, definitely go back in six months.

Your attorney will be able to advise you on the legal procedures in your area.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

paramore said:


> here ya go
> 
> Ugly Woman | Flickr - Photo Sharing!
> 
> there is a pretty hot chick for ya


AWESOME!!! Is that YOU ? Wow! 

You are indeed a tasty lil' minx!!!

*fap*fap*fap*

Great pic! Thanks! 

:rofl:


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> He had sent a messege to him saying "i like spankings". Then I noticed another messege to a gay male telling him "spank spank".
> 
> Is he possibly gay? I mean this isn't the first time this has happened.





paramore said:


> It's hard to say if he confused about his sexuality or not.





Jellybeans said:


> Idk if he's gay but he definitely seems to be into men.


It's not really the same thing with dudes & chicks... 

It's really "trendy" for chicks to be into kissing each other. Having bi-tendencies is "in" with women, Lots of tones of grey with female sexuality... 

with guys its' still black and white...

you either want a **** in your mouth or you dont.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well I think that is because we are socialized to think women with women is more acceptable than men with men. 

Evenstill, he has a lot of issues.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Wow Lily, you have put up with a lot.
What you have with your husband doesn't sound like a marriage- it sounds like it's an orgy and you aren't getting any of the action.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

i get action.. it just vibrates...

H went out.. not sure where to. Don't really care.. the kids and I are gonna watch a movie and go to bed.. if he isn't here by bed time and I lock the doors.. too bad


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I had a talk with him over his new friends on face book.. after I found it, I posted a comment on his new friend and said, "you do realize that my family and your family can see who you are adding as a friend" 

He noticed what i wrote as a comment and quickly removed the post from his wall. So i said, "our daughter has a facebook account, she could have easily clicked on that thinking that maybe she knows her daddys friend and would have seen those grotesque spanking pictures"..."you keep telling me that I am making you look bad to my family when I tell them what is going on with you, but here you go doing it yourself where my family will see it. So the only one making you look bad is you."

Then I noticed he had messeged this guy again, the messege from the guy said, "do you spank your wife and kids often?" 

Wtf? this spanking fetish thing is SICK.. is he implying that these people get off on spanking their KIDS?!! it makes me ill!!

I am contimplating deleting his facebook account, because he has no clue how to set up another one or whatever.. but really.. why bother? at this rate, if he keeps f*ckin up like this, I will have plenty of evidence in court for me to have full custody and he will only have supervised visitations once a week for 2 hours.

I asked him abuot why hes messeging men.. i said, "J these are MEN, that you are taking to about spankings and sexual perversions, one of them is an out gay male!" he said... "yeaaah and?" I just shook my head and said, "I don't know you anymore".

I really hope his vehicle gets done soon, my children don't need to be a witness to this crap anymore... i want him out, last week.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So i just recieved a call from the specialist that was trying to help me figure out the chest pain ive had in the last 3 months.. 

Yep, panic attacts, extreme anxiety. Upped my dose of ativan and told me to kick POS out. Done.. and done...

Doc thinks once i get thru everything i will be able to gradually ease off the ativan.. and wont have any more panic attacks

Would like to thank my H for making me physically ill for the last 3 months.. and its caused by his ways... what a do*chebag.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> I asked him abuot why hes messeging men.. i said, "J these are MEN, that you are taking to about spankings and sexual perversions, one of them is an out gay male!" he said... "yeaaah and?" I just shook my head and said, "I don't know you anymore".


Hmmmm :scratchhead:


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Lilyana, sorry to hear about the sucky situation. Make sure he leaves and not you.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

what is it about us midwest girls lily?


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

im no longer interested in men from around here.. im going to go celebate or move to canada... i hear theres nice men in canada lol or so my aunt tells me


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So today I went to my yoga class.. came home and did some cleaning.. played on here for awhile.. disconnected my H's cell phone from my account... cleaned some more, and went for a walk. The kids have plans after school, each going to a friends house to play for awhile. I am going to go out for a little bit, not sure where yet. Think maybe I'll just go to the bar and shoot some darts by myself, get away from the house a little bit. (i don't drink so don't worry about me!)

But, because the kids have plans I really don't want to sit here alone with H. So I have to get out and do something. I'm sure hes going to be in a raging fit when he realizes I've shut off his phone. I plan on just telling him that I do not feel like funding his affair or addiction issues, so he needs to find a way to cover those himself. 

Pretty soon I'll get myself gussied up, so when he gets home I can just say, "i'll be back soon!" and rush out the door. Make him sit and stew on it with no phone to contact me constantly lol

His vehicle should be done today.. god willing.. so i can start packing his stuff up for him tomorrow. Time to go Suckaaaaaaaaaaa


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> His vehicle should be done today.. god willing.. so i can start packing his stuff up for him tomorrow. Time to go Suckaaaaaaaaaaa


Yay!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So H got home after work (stayed late again *eyeroll) He walked in the door and I walked out. Apparently his vehicle isn't done yet. I'm going to have a talk with that shop tomorrow.

I went out with some friends, had a diet coke and just chatted for a bit at a little cafe. Then I decided to have some sit and think time at the park. 

To make a long story short I needed to get it off my chest, tell my family whats going on. I need them for support right? So I called my mom, who is always less than supportive, and she held up to her true form. This was our convo...

Mom: So what did you say is causing these panic attacks?

Me: Well, I'm pretty stressed out with all the stuff that H and I are going through.

Mom: Oh geez, it's not the porn thing again? You need to stop giving him such a hard time, all men have porn.

Me: Mom, its not porn, well thats still part of it, but this time he has a girlfriend. He's cheating on me and I am making him move out.

Mom: oh

And then I lost call, and she hasn't called me back. *shrug*

Then I called my grandma, whom I love and adore. But usually has blinders on when it comes to relationship issues.

G: hey missy how you feeling? better?

M: hey gramma I'm feeling tons better now that I know the issue is panic attacks.

G: well, what in goodness name could be causing those? and what do they do to treat that?

M: Well I have to take a medicine every day called Ativan, its for anti anxiety. And since I started taking it I've had no pain. 

G: Hun what is causing you to have panic attacks?

M: H and I are having lots of problems lately.

G: same as before?

M: yeah and a few others.

G: I have to go, I love you and hang in there.

M: Love you too gramma.

And that was it... i feel like ... UGH.. just UGH.. i get no support what so ever. I feel like I can't turn to my family. Guess I will stick to my friends.

H keeps hovering around the computer and I'm totally ignoring him typing away. I get the feeling he wants to talk to me, but I'm just going to continue to ignore him.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Hang in there kid! *hug*


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear mom and grams were very supportive.

Talk to your girlfriends, a trusted friend who will listen to you, get an IC.

And we are always here too if you want to vent


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Having an interesting day. All of a sudden last night my H was begging to give him another chance. Was saying he was so sorry and how much he loved me. I told him it was too late and he needed to go. I am done. I showed him no emotion what so ever. I just don't have any emotion for him left in me. 

I told him I believed he needed IC for his issues, he said it was a waste of money. I told him that even discussing with me about being sorry was a waste of my time.

Found out this morning why he's all of a sudden begging for my forgiveness.

OW called me. She told me nothing had ever happened between them. That she and my H just had a flirty friendship, and that she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend is in jail and gets out this week. HAHAHAHAHA.. H must have found out about her BF and now knows he doesn't have a chance because OW is going to be with her BF now. I told her I appriciated her phone call, but I was not going to give my H another chance. He chose to take feelings outside of our marriage that should be left for me, and give them to someone else. I told her to straighten out her life and her drinking issues, and that someone should tell her boyfriend about all the sleeping around she did while he was in jail.

She then called me a cold heartless b*tch, and that my H is a good man and I wouldn't find anything better if I divorced him. Apparently my H told her I'm having panic attacks now because she told me I need to see a mental health professional because I am crazy, only crazy people have panic attacks.

Basically our phone call esculated into name calling and harsh words. I hung up.. I don't need my H's crap or OW's. I'm done with it all.. H had his chance to straighten his sh*t up for the last year and he threw it away.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

HAHAHAHAHA... she just called and told me shes going to file for a restraining order against me... I told her she should stop calling me then 

Geez..i have only been in the same room with this woman once before in my life and it was at my nephews birthday party.. like i plan on being around her again? pffffffft 

and besides.. i couldn't physically attack her anyway... sh*t splatters when you hit it!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I'd make a point of letting the BF hear the truth, it would ensure your husband keeps out of the way. Why lie?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

If I knew who the guy was I would.. I have no idea anything about this woman, other than the fact that she has 2 kids. She is my Sister in laws best friend, but because of my SIL pushing the OW on my H, I don't talk to her anymore. Not sure how I would find out who her bf is.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

ok so I haven't really been doing a 180.. I've just been moving on with my life. I accept that my marriage is over, and am ready for it to just be done.

H has the kids this weekend, we are kind of doing this seperated but living in the same house kind of thing.. but it is his weekend to spend time with the kids, hes been good, taking them to the zoo and the kids are enjoying it. So I decided to go out with my friends. Just went to shoot some darts at a little bar i frequent (as did my H when we were together). H kept texting me the WHOLE friggin night.. every 10 or 15 minutes. WTF? ITS OVER! It's driving me insane. At one point I replied, "don't text me unless it has something to do with the kids". But he kept on, he really hates that I am moving forward with my life. 

But, an interesting thing happened at the bar. A couple, that are friends of mine, told me they heard my H and I had split and were sorry.. yadda yadda. I told them I was fine with it and ready to just have some me time. Anyway, the male part of this couple cornered me and asked what I really planned on doing? and I told him just that I was getting a divorce and was going to spend some time being single and finding myself again. He replied, "if you ever feel lonely and want to have some fun let me know." REALLY? JACKA$$! I am getting a divorce because my H cheated, and you wanto to cheat on your girlfriend with me?? 

Needless to say this triggered a very angry response from me. I told him not to talk to me anymore. I advised that if he was that unhappy in his relationship with his gf he should leave her instead of breaking her heart. I am half tempted to tell her.. but I don't want her angry at me. But being in the situation myself she deserves to know...Ugh.. why do people have to be such dogs?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> He replied, "if you ever feel lonely and want to have some fun let me know."


Ewww. What a smarmy jerk.

Do not speak to him again. 

That is funny about OW's boyf getting released from jail this week. Do not speak to her again. As for your H saying IC is a waste of money - that is his choice to make... if he doesn't want to get help that is on him. Carry on!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

He is moving out today. The shop called and his vehicle is fixed. He will be picking it up after work. He texted me and asked if he still needs to move out.. i said, "yes there is no reason for you to be here."

I feel an overwhelming sense of....

relief.

I have been having anxiety issues and panic attacks for months. And today.. nothing.. not a single pain.. and haven't had to take a med yet. I just feel like I can breathe again. I am quite worried about my kids, but I am doing what I can do in that area. I just hope I haven't messed them up for life by not ending this relationship earlier. I feel like I've kind of let them down as a mom. I'm suppose to protect them right? .. I let them down. I posted about it in the parenting forums.

Spending the day packing his stuff.. then putting it out on the yard. When the kids get home from school I'm taking them to my friends house so they won't be here to witness him leaving. I figure maybe they can call him later tonight to tell him goodnight. Maybe I should let them say goodbye to their dad? I'm not sure.. I'm afraid hes going to start an arguement and I really don't want the kids to see that if he does.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Well, he was suppose to move out yesterday.. UGH!.. His vehicle is done, all he has to do is go pick it up.. but the guy wasn't in the shop yesterday so he could go get it.. ugh ugh ugh!

The school called me yesterday, my son was sick running a fever so I had to pick him up from school.

Continuing evidence that my stbx is a selfish bast*rd that wont change... He took out an advance at work so he could pay for his vehicle. I asked him for money.. just 20 dollars.. so i could pay for the medicine the doc perscribed my son. And he threw a fit, saying he was sick of being here just to hand over money when the kids needed something. And he actually said, "it's only strep throat for f*cks sake, the kid will live and get better with out medicine". 

I was PIIIIIIIIIISED... he took out a 300 dollar advance on his paycheck to pay to fix a vehicle (which is a motorcycle by the way, so no one else here can use it) but he can't pay for medicine for his kid? My vehicle is overheating and leaking antifreeze right now, is he helping me fix it? noooooooooooooooooo hes fixing his BIKE! I've been ok with it up to this point, because if he doesn't get it fixed he will still be here.. for god knows how long. I want him out!


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

For God's sake this is his CHILD, and strep throat if left untreated can spread up into the brain and potentially kill them, selfish bastard!!! If my H said that to me, I swear I would slap him, and I have never ever raised a hand to my husband.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Now CPS (child protection services) is involved as far as the kids are concerned....Time for him to go now.. I won't lose my kids for anyone.. especially a POS like him. GRRRRRRRRRR I'm so upset right now.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

why is cps involved?????


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

*hugs* Lily. Sorry to hear about CPS being involved. You sound like an amazing woman and mother. Sounds like things even if new stuff keeps popping up are starting to head in a positive direction for you again though.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I was confiding in whom I thought was my best friend.. there was an incident with my son and his cousin at my stbx's sisters house.. was of sexual nature. But I told my so called friend about the incident, and she called CPS on me.. stating that my marriage was very emotionally abusive and that she was in fear the kids were being harmed. 

She knows all I was waiting for was for him to get his motorcycle fixed and he was out of here... which he finally picked the POS up today so he is out now. He's staying at his sisters until he can find a place.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. The CPS and the fact your H is a jack a** who won't even cough up $20 for strep throat meds.

Stay strong. You can and WILL get through this!

I am glad he's out of your house.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> there was an incident with my son and his cousin at my stbx's sisters house.. was of sexual nature. .


Was everything addressed about this issue? Is your son okay?


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Yes everything is fine.. it was a fairly innocent childhood curiosity thing. CPS is not at all concerned with the issue with the boys.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Ok so another twist....

This has nothing to do with my H.. but...

My mom called me today, she has continuously been unsupportive to me and it has been killing me. We had a long talk on the phone about my stbx's affair and everything that has been going on.. I told her everything.

Big shocker..

My parents are stepping up to the plate to help me! I was shocked, my dad offered to buy me house, or get me into a new apartment, offered to fix my car since it was put on the backburner so my STBX could fix his bike, offered to pay for my lawyer, offered me all the help i could possibly ask for! 

I am still in a bit of shock, my dad, is my stepfather, and I never really fully felt he cared enough about me. He isnt the warmest guy, never says mushy "i love yous" to anyone, and hes rather grouchy most of the time... even my mom was shocked he offered all this help! Maybe he still doesn't really care about me and is more concerned for my kids. But still, to have this support feels amazing.

I no longer feel trapped, I feel like I have options, and someone to talk to that knows everything. I feel like I have someone in my corner for once. 

Sure my STBX moved out, and I'm no longer taking his crap... but still this support is the best thing my parents could have ever given me.

They have offered to take the kids and I away for the whole summer, to go stay in Missouri and just get away for awhile. I'm not sure how that would be handled, considering we don't have a custody arrangement or anythng. But the thought of getting away for awhile sounds amazing. 

If my parents were in front of me right now I would give them the biggest hug and sloppiest kisses all over their faces.. they don't know how good they have just made me feel!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

So, just a little update on whats going on...

We are seperated now for almost 2 weeks...Taking steps to divorce this man.

Does the stinging ever stop tho? Today I got the bill from my cell phone company posted on the internet.. I was having a look, and see my STBX texted OW over 500 times in one night! He still claims they were always "just friends" but that he has feelings for her. 

I want to post on facebook "500 texts in one night to someone whos just a friend? YEAH RIGHT!" .... but.. i'm trying to take the high road here, swallow my pride.. and accept the fact that he is a lying dipsh*t and I can't believe a word he told me.

But it still hurts. I gave my life to this man for 15 years, to think that he could be so cold and heartless to me and lie straight to my face over and over again.

Will it ever stop hurting? Will I hurt still a year from now when I find something else?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

not sure if the stinging stops, my H's OW bf called me today, and told me that she was "talking about some friends of hers that were getting a D" and mentioned the money he wanted to give me, the exact amount, he is ****ing talking to this ***** about our stuff, whatever.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Yeah my STBX called me today, we were having a discussion about the kids, and then our meeting with our attorneys next week. He actually said to me... "I'm afraid if this goes to court, with the things I have done, My name will be dragged through the mud and this divorce will all end badly for me."

I said, "Gee ya think? Exposing our children to pornography.. the swearing screaming and yelling at the kids (especially the incident CPS knows about where he called my son a "***" and "stupid"), and now adultry.. you made your bed lay in it!"

I then told him I think the only reason he pretended to try and work it out with me last year when I left him, was because he didn't want to pay child support. 

He said, "No I just don't want to support YOU." 

Really? I put up with this abuse and lies and bullsh*t for 15 years! Ok, I wasn't going to go for spousal support, but now I think I will!


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

yeah, I have been back and forth on that one.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> He actually said to me... "I'm afraid if this goes to court, with the things I have done, My name will be dragged through the mud and this divorce will all end badly for me."


And that will be his problem, not yours.
Don't talk to him about anything anymore unless it's about the kids. He is just spewing. File for spousal and child support and that will be that. If you are awarded, great, if not, oh well. 

Just focus on you and move forward.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

STBX came over to visit the kids for a few hours tonight. He took them out for a spin on his motorcycle, then took them across the street to the park today.

He kept texting me while he was at work all day saying that if I was adamant about divorce (which I am) that he would prefer for the kids sake, we make it an agreeable one and I don't bring up everything he has done. 

I shouldn't have took the bait and responded to him.. but... I did. I told him in the better part of 15 years to name one time where he was nice to me or my feelings? When did he bend over backwards to do anything to make sure something wasn't hard on me and the kids. 

I told him that right now, my first priority is my children, and I would do everything I can to protect them.

Tonight, right in front of the kids, he DEMANDED that I schedule time for him to take the kids for a weekend. I told him until a judge told me I had to give him the kids for a weekend, it wasn't going to happen because I do not trust him with the kids. Not sure if I can legally do this... but I DO NOT want him alone with my kids EVER!

Did I handle this right? I am determined for the sake of my kids to not let him off easy.. everyone is going to find out exactly what he has done over the years. Yes, I may be chastised for staying as long as I did as well.. but it's time I step up to the plate and be a better mother, and person, than I have been.

He is just worried about his poor reputation, and I'm sure he is worried he will be considered a sex offender for some of the things he has done. But, maybe it will make his family, and himself open his eyes, and make him get the help he needs. I do not wish anything horrible on him, and I want him to get better. He made his choices, and I tried to help him. I can't do it anymore. Maybe now he will be able to do it.

I'm getting frustrated with my lawyer as well.. I want this divorce started NOW.. but we have been told to wait for our bankruptcy to be taken care of first... i hate waiting anymore.. i just want it done.


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