# Going thru a divorce have been separated for a year and 6 months



## shortygrl24 (Jan 4, 2012)

Me and my stbx have been separated .We are suppose to go to court this year and than we will be divorced .I have been living with someone for a year now .I am not sure this is where I want to be .I had an affair 5 yrs before i left my husband took me back but he never forgave me and he continued calling me names .We would be together 25 yrs if i would never have been kicked out that day .At first he was being ugly and mean for about a yr than he stopped .He went to jail for one day I dismissed this I didnt want him to have to do probation .I still love him .We have a daughter she is in high school .I am thinking about asking him to go to marriage counseling or go ahead and get the divorce and than me and him go to counseling since we both have paid attorneys and than maybe work on us .I have been praying so hard on this he has been verbal and physical abusive but alot of it was my fault .It was not all him I have forgiven him I am wondering is this wrong of me to even think this .I am still in love with him .I thought I was happy and Im not the person I am with he will not stop doing some things he said he would and now he is being very negative about everything .Please someone that has been in this situation give me some advice Thanks


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that he has been physically abusive. Tell a bit more about this. Was he physically abusive ever before your affair? How often does this happen? What are the worst things he has done? Have you ever needed medical attention after he has physcially abused you?


----------



## shortygrl24 (Jan 4, 2012)

the abuse was before the affair .no no medical treatment ever and never called .it was just slapping ,and hitting and breaking things


----------



## shortygrl24 (Jan 4, 2012)

also he has anger issues


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Am I correct that you are at this moment in an emotional/sexual relationship with another man but want to reconcile with your STBXH? Does he know?


----------



## akira1 (Dec 13, 2011)

shortygrl24 said:


> the abuse was before the affair .no no medical treatment ever and never called .it was just slapping ,and hitting and breaking things


This is so troubling because "JUST" slapping is serious abuse that NO WIFE deserves.

You say a lot of this is your fault, 
BUT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE SHOULD ABUSE YOU FOR ANY REASON.

Look, an affair is damaging, but abuse is not acceptable as a response from your STBX


----------



## akira1 (Dec 13, 2011)

Or think about it this way, since its SO acceptable for him to abuse you in your eyes, is it ok for your daughter to see this abuse?

Is is JUST ok for your daughter to be possibly abused by him in the future if you get back together?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shortygrl24 said:


> the abuse was before the affair .no no medical treatment ever and never called .it was just slapping ,and hitting and breaking things


There is no 'just' here. All of that with the anger is not acceptable. Once physcial abuse starts it escalates over time. He will not stop the abuse, it will get worse. Your daughter will learn that she has to accept being abused by the man/men in her life. Is this really what you want for your daughter?

Statistically, the 3rd time a woman leaves an abusive husband he kills her.


Do not give him another chance to physically abuse you. Do not go back to him.


----------



## shortygrl24 (Jan 4, 2012)

Thanks for your advice I have decided that I am just going to be single and take care of my daughter .Than I will worry about my life she comes first ...


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

shortygrl24 said:


> Thanks for your advice I have decided that I am just going to be single and take care of my daughter .Than I will worry about my life she comes first ...


Wise choice.


----------



## shortygrl24 (Jan 4, 2012)

He was a good husband the abuse didnt happen all the time just sometimes when he got angry .We did go places together and he always took good care of me and our daughter .It was more verbal abuse than physical ..I know Im wrong for ever considering this .The person that I am with yes he knows there is a chance I am moving out me and him are having issues .I cant take it .When I didnt live with him he was different now since I live with him he is someone I dont know


----------

