# Baby on the Way, Hubby out the Door?



## Jenifer 74 (Nov 15, 2008)

Background: I’m 34, DH is 38, married 18 months (together 6 yrs), 2nd marriage for both, each have one son from prev marriage. Mine is 8, his is 10. 

I was told in 2001 that I could never have children, well surprise, I’m now 5 mos pregnant! We were both shocked at first. It got a little better and we were making plans. Well, about a month ago DH started withdrawing from me, not talking, avoiding me, all that stuff. He said that he was really freaked out about this baby and not sure that he can handle being a father again. His words, “You might look up and see skid marks.” Well, over the last week, we’ve talked a lot and things were really getting better between us. We were getting closer at least, although he’s still “freaked out” about it. I told him he better get used to it because whether he stays or goes, he’s still going to be a father to this baby. DUH!

Well, last night I got our cell bill and I found numerous (daily) calls and texts (150) since 10/16 to a # I don’t know. I called him at work to ask him who it was. He told me it was a new woman at his work in the marketing dept. They have become friends, blah blah. 

When he got home he told me that he LIED about who she was. She is actually a woman that he met at the bowling alley. She is on a team that he subs for occasionally. He swears that they are just friends and there is nothing going on. They’ve just both been going through a lot with their relationships (she has a bf, not married) so he’s been talking to her about OUR relationship. INSTEAD of talking to ME! We talked about it a lot last night and I told him I really wanted to understand this new friendship and I don’t want to pick his friends, but he hurt me by going about it the wrong way. I told him that I wanted to be able to accept it, but I would have to meet her and have full disclosure. 

Well this morning, we went to OB appt and then to get my car inspected. While we were at the inspection place, his phone vibrated (she texted him) he waited a while and then went into the public restroom and checked it and texted her back.I know this for a fact because I am reduced to checking our wireless online acct hourly. I called him and asked him WHY DID YOU HIDE IT? AGAIN!!! No answer, only defensiveness and anger. He said that he texted her to ask if we could meet. I told him that he could not continue this relationship with her and still be with me. I just can’t handle it and the trust is broken. He said I’m crazy, hormonal, and overreacting. Honestly, I am extremely hormonal, but am I over reacting? Also, this morning he told me, “If you tell me I can’t be friends with her or bowl anymore, that will be a huge push out the door.” That’s just outright manipulation. I am so messed up inside and don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying a lot, and I know that whatever happens my kids and I will be fine. Any advice would be appreciated. Am I overreacting?


----------



## tarheel68 (Sep 17, 2008)

In my opinion ,it doesnt sound like you are overacting .. He needs to understand how this looks and more importantly how this makes you feel . Communication is here , You need to calmly ,tell him how this makes you feel ,and he needs to clarify any details that you feel are important ... This may be innocent ,and if it is , he will have no problem with full disclosure . I know its not easy but for yours and your babies sake ,try not to stress out . Maybe youll could see a counsellor and they can show both of you how to work this out . My wife and i have been seeing one and it has helped alot , mainly , teaching us how to communicate with each other . 

If you have a faith base , maybe a little more time concentrated in that area will help , I know for me it has .. 

Good luck


----------



## Jenifer 74 (Nov 15, 2008)

Thanks! I have spent a lot of time praying, and I know that He has a plan for us. Which is why we were given this miracle baby to begin with. I'm not sure about counseling. We both went through it with our first marriages and it didn't go well for either of us. I know that's probably not the smartest thing, so it's not completely out of the question.


----------



## Sunshine2008 (Nov 19, 2008)

Hi Jenifer,

I would say you are not overreacting at all. What a very unfortunate situation. I would suggest counseling as well. My husband and I did it a year ago and after a few sessions were kicked out because she said we were fine. Alot came out in the session that could not be said to each other alone. At least find someone to talk to for yourself if you can.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know it is a tough time right now, but you can get through this. 

If it were me (I know it is easier said than done) I would call her myself and ask for a meeting with the both of them. If it pushes him out the door, oh well. He is better off out there! Just my opinion!


----------

