# How to do a 180, while still in the same house?



## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

I just need tips on how a 180 works while you're still in the same household? My H says he wants a divorce, but isn't going to sign the papers right now... he wants to see if his mind will change.. (too long of a story to type) but, the point is, I'm still in the house and cannot financially move (as of today) and don't have any family around to move in with either. And, the last thing I want to do is constantly be around him, see him come and go, etc... Because, he's not interested in making the marriage work right now... and he shows it. I want to do the 180 for myself, at the very least because I'm not trying to fool myself into a false hope for us to work out. I'd rather move on, for me, and our son... 
I also don't want to be mean. E.g., him coming to watch tv and playing with our son while I'm sitting there, he's been such an a$$hole lately that I don't to give him the satisfaction of seeming interested... If any advice on this subject, I'd appreciate it!


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

Sorry, Lanilla. That is rough. I'm no 180 expert, but it seems to me that the idea is to focus on you. That might mean, finding other things to occupy your time and keeping busy. By all means, get out of the house as often as you can. Even if it's just to go see a movie on your own or take a walk in the park. He doesn't need to know where you are or what you are up to. 

Stay strong! You can do this.

180 Rules
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes."


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

I would focus my efforts in 2 areas: 1) improving your own appearance/ mental state and 2) doing things 1-on-1 with your son.

For improving you:
start exercising (or exercise more). Since you don't want to be in the same house as him, get outside and move. If you haven't been working out, try the couch to 5K plan; in 9 weeks you'll be running a 5k race! 
go through your closets and get rid of everything you don't need anymore. This is a good time to think about what clothes you'll need for you job, what will you wear when you go out on dates, etc. 
join a book club
clean out your makeup drawer -- get rid of all the old stuff, make sure your foundation matches, etc
give yourself a fake tan.
start wearing unexpected clothes; if you've been wearing sweats and teeshirts, start wearing skirts. If H asks what's going on, tell him you cleaned out your closet, came across these clothes and you decided to start wearing them.
do some yard work -- mow the lawn, trim a bush, etc. Do things that your H has traditionally done. Show him you won't need him to take care of the house

With your son-- 
Do "family outings" with only your son. Pack a picnic lunch and to eat. 
Go for a walk, swim, bike ride.
If he's old enough, start teaching him how to cook.
Call up a mom you know with a similar aged kid and see if you can all go bowling (or whatever activity is appropriate for your kid's age).


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

BronteVillette said:


> Sorry, Lanilla. That is rough. I'm no 180 expert, but it seems to me that the idea is to focus on you. That might mean, finding other things to occupy your time and keeping busy. By all means, get out of the house as often as you can. Even if it's just to go see a movie on your own or take a walk in the park. He doesn't need to know where you are or what you are up to.
> 
> Stay strong! You can do this.
> 
> ...



IMO, nope.

1. Get him out of the bedroom into another room or couch.
2. Let him do his own cooking.
3. Let him do his own laundry.
4. You are not a wife to him anymore. If he wants hired help he can pay for it himself..
5. If he wants anything else, tell him to go to a massage parlor. lol!
6. Tell him to beat it ASAP.
D.


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

Ya know, Darrien is right. He made his choice, he should be the one to move out!


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