# Is she cheating.



## Again (Mar 9, 2011)

My wife of 10 years had what she calls an emotional affair with an employee of ours last spring. I caught them kissing intensly at an outdoor party. I had to leave town for 4 days and when I returned I found out from my 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son that he had spent the nights in my bed. My kids said they were kissing on the patio and hugging in bed. She denied it and called them liars but later admitted it. She denies anything physical happened.
We moved our business and family 600 miles away because of this and now 8 months later after a couple of months of wondering, I found 2400 text messages to and from him in 34 days. She denied again and claims it was innocent. Some of the talk was sexual which I found out but she claims it wasn't. I am the ******* in this mess because I didn't trust her and put spyware on her phone. She texted on our 10 year anniversary and on valentines day. The pain is unbearable right now and I just want to know if I am the unreasonable one here or is what I believe happening. I think she is cheating period. HELP PLEASE


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Sorry to say it but I think she is cheating. Do not let her turn the blame on you for this. She is the one at fault.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

wow. I don't get why people do this. I agree, its at least an emotional affair. She should have cut ties with him. She has treated you like garbage by having him sleep in your bed.

Talk to her about it. Get in MC if you want to fix it.

You need to tell her to chose between MC/cutting ties with him/you and maintaining contact with him.

There are going to be other issues you haven't talked about, and thats why I highly suggest MC.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Again said:


> I caught them kissing intensly at an outdoor party.
> 
> he had spent the nights in my bed. My kids said they were kissing on the patio and hugging in bed. She denies anything physical happened. :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


Is she cheating? Am I missing something here?


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## lifted_red_x (Mar 8, 2011)

Throw all of her **** out on the lawn when she is out for the day, change the locks and get a german shepherd with a taste for blood to guard the front door. Burn the other guys house down and sleep with his female relatives as the last step.


Serious though, all the signs are there. Get away from her.


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## donnaduck (Mar 4, 2011)

there may have not been any physical contact between them, but clearly there is still contact going on, im sorry but if she truly loved you, after you have moved all that way away, she would have serverd all contact with this person, you have the proof that contact is still on going, you just have to admit this to yourself, and decide if you can forgive and forget, and she can agree to no more contact what so ever.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Sorry to hear this brother. Yes the harsh reality is your wife has/is cheating on you and the fact that your babies witnessed the acts means she's a POS. Dump the worthless, selfish hag and when your kids grow older (18+) AND if they ask you tell them the truth that their mother was a ****.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes she's back at it AGAIN and will continue if you dont take the action that you can find in Affaircare and Marraiagebuilders.

Its all the same crap we here at TAM have seen it time and time again, so you are not crazy and you need to take contol of it by following the guildlines in fighting an affair. 

So do it.. she will tell you all kinds a BS, but what you are feeling and seeing is all real and its called intuition. Listen to it and get informed. See, its all a script and it is very typical so do your research and you will have the tools to fight.

Do not confront her until you have what you need from these sites. They will give you the ammunition that you will need in how to confront, how to expose, and how to deal with the affair in different aspects.

Confronting her now with out educating your self will just lead to more hurt. She will do and say all the same BS, and it's all a script. So please calm down get informed and you will get thru this.

Do not show weakness, be confident that there is sites like this that will give you direction that fits your problem.
Don't cry or beg. No pleading it is un attractive, show her stength, distance your self and get a game plan together.

Then once you have your sh*t together you can confront her and take the bull by the hornes and blow this thing to kingdom come. There is no sure bet on witch way your wife will go but at least you will have the weapons to fight.


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## Tristan (Mar 3, 2011)

Guy, sorry I'm going through something pretty similar right now, but yes....without a doubt she is cheating/having an affair. 


This almost seems like a trend... Ladies? Whats wrong with you? :scratchhead: It's just seems so common these days that the ladies are the ones ditching their hard working husbands for low lifes. Maybe it has something to do with the garbage that comes on the t.v. these days.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tristan,
Its like buying a car, you will always see the same car you bought, but never noticed until you bought that make.
Same with infidelity, once your in it you start to see other in it to. Especialy at park and rides (car pool parking lots) or when I'm at a hotel for work or with my wife, I see things I would have never noticed before my D-day. Bar are another place I tend to notice certain behavior between couples that I would have never thought about enles I didn't have a cheating wife. 

Again,
Sorry for the threadjack


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## e.dawne (Mar 7, 2011)

wow. some pretty...heated answers here. Not to excuse her behaviour-but it seems like your wife is very confused, and unfortunaly she's confused about another man, which is really no fair to you. I think you need to first of all decide what YOU want. do you want to try? are your feelings hurt to much? you have all rights to leave. I hope someone is taking care of your kids though, anyone who says their KIDS are lying to cover their own ass- is a piece of work. She is obviously still having an emotional affair and you have all rights to ask her to stop ALL contact immediatly. It really doesnt matter if you pushed her there, she made the decision to do it. But save yourself the grief of "spyware" and such and ask her what she wants. i think you have been cheated on and now its time for you to take care of yourself and your kids. Make sure they arnt changing because of this (im so glad everyone else posted for them!!) and start taking care of yourself. Good luck.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yeah she is definitely cheating, but don't give up if you don't want to dude. Your kids are worth taking every effort to get through it and you are strong enough to forgive. Remember, Forgiveness, like fidelity, is a choice. Only communicate with her in a loving and kind way, but you also have to be firm with her that her behavior is unacceptable. Whether she admits to cheating or not, her simply being in contact with him is completely unacceptable and she should know that. Schedule an MC appointment for both of you during a time that is perfectly convenient for her and ask her to go, in fact tell her that you are going either way. Ultimatums are rarely a good thing so please do go straight to a "my way or the highway" position unless as a truly last resort.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wow. In your bed?

She is definitely cheating. You even have the sex. texts to prove it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Do you know your kids are really yours? Sounds like that's an open question.


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## Again (Mar 9, 2011)

Its me. I didn't listen and confronted her anyways. She denied it all and said I was crazy for even imagining such things. Then I showed her the proof. What was 2400 messages actually ended up being 4500 and after I confronted her they stopped. On her phone anyways then I found out he got a new phone number on an out of state line. 
As to the guy that asked why i didn't deck him when I saw it, the time I was "out of town" I was actually in Jail. I found him after she left. Didn't change anything. I am 6' and 300 pounds (not all fat either) and can you believe a small woman made me cry with out even touching me?
Update is I am going to individual counciling right now trying to figure out how to deal with this all. I have always been a confident man but not true now. Yes I know she was cheating and the only reason it stopped was because I caught them again. The amount of what if's that are going through my head are unbelieveable. I keep wondering what I did or could have done different. 
As to the questions about my kids, come on people, they are mine by blood and up bringing.


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## Again (Mar 9, 2011)

I was in jail for dealing with the other guy in an in appropriate manner the night I watched them, I followed him home. I was in Jail for 5 days until I could be seen by the judge because it was a holiday weekend. I couldn't deal with him at the party because I didn't want my employees that were there to see me out of control. There was no justification on her part for having him at my home that I built for her and my family. He is the one who put me in jail and then got my wife as a reward. My kids are in counciling now.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Again said:


> I was in jail for dealing with the other guy in an in appropriate manner the night I watched them, I followed him home. I was in Jail for 5 days until I could be seen by the judge because it was a holiday weekend. I couldn't deal with him at the party because I didn't want my employees that were there to see me out of control. There was no justification on her part for having him at my home that I built for her and my family. He is the one who put me in jail and then got my wife as a reward. My kids are in counciling now.


Ouch.

She's been cheating on your for a long time. The fact she saw you being held in police cells as an opportunity to bring him into your house and have a torrid weekend of sex in your your bed is pretty much the biggest sign there is of her total lack of respect or interest in you.

I would paternity test your kids and just file for divorce. I'm so sorry. This is a really awful story.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

This is why you hire someone to take a bat to his knees (just kidding....sort of)


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I've been through something very similar. My husband would always deny he cheated in spite of the evidence staring me in the face. Now, after 14 years worth of him cheating on me, I am finally picking myself up and am in the early stages of leaving him for good. I'm sorry to say that it sounds very much like your wife is cheating. There was nothing innocent about what she did. I understand how you feel. It's so much easier to live in denial than to face the truth because the truth hurts so bad. I've lived in denial for 14 years.


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## lovebug653 (Mar 27, 2011)

OK....... Not only is you wife having sexual relations with another man, She hates you. There can be no higher disrespect than bringing an outsider into your marriage bed. Most people who care for their partner a tiny bit would never bring a lover into their home much less their marital bed. Unless your financial situation is so dire that neither the wife or her lover has a car, they are both 3 months behind and have no money for hotel or coffee, Your woman does not love you and your children. her morals appear very loose and you should think seriously about wether the children are actually yours biologically. You can be a father and love some-one else children. That does not make you less of a man. You have a dishonest wife and you are too naive and trusting from being in love with " being in love and marriage". A man needs to trust his partner If you have no trust or always have doubt, then you have no marriage. My thoughts are get full proof of the cheating, get full custody of both children and leave the cheating woman. GET OUT ........RUNNNNNNNNNN forest RUNNNNNNNN.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

While, you must always have control of yourself. I cannot blame you for losing it. Most people either would, or would at least want to.

Your wife is evil. Get out of this marriage. You will never be happy, unless she miraculously changes and you are able to forgive her once again. Furthermore, this type of situation harms your children as well. At this point that have seen mommy cheat and daddy go to jail. NOT GOOD.

Get out and be happy. It sounds to me like you have given your marriage every possible opportunity to work.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What happens---to you, your kids, your mge---depends on how you deal with this situation---right now---her having him in your bed with the kids there----in my book is grounds for D all by itself


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No one seems to have pointed out the fact that by getting yourself jailed for violence against OM, you have significantly reduced your chances of getting custody of your kids. So many people find out that their spouse has cheated on them and relatively few go beserk to the point of getting arrested. While the guy involved obviously has questionable morals, your issue was not with him--he honestly does not owe you squat and who knows what your wife might have told him? 

Get a grip and get into anger management before it is court ordered; that may help your situation in a lot of ways. Your kids need you to be an adult, not acting like some out-of-control idiot. 

If you have any intention of trying to save the marriage, start individual counseling for each of you now as well as marriage counseling. The stuff you have posted isn't run-of-the-mill marital break down; it suggests two individuals who both need some outside perspective on their own choices, as well as working together to make a marriage work.

If you have decided to divorce, play for time to get your act together so you won't do something to ruin totally your chances at custody. Courts do not look kindly on any type of "crime of passion" anymore so you will want to be squeaky clean to merit consideration for your share of custody. The courts won't care that she had the dude in the house, etc., because she didn't break any laws--and courts don't judge morality.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

listen to the last poster---she is right on point---you need to get your head together no matter which way you go

If you cannot handle what your wife has done---and your beef is only with your wife---I doubt very much that the other guy put a hammerlock on your wife and made her have sex with him in your bed----your wife needs to give you the deep down WHY she found it necessary to put her home, and her kids at risk, and in harms way---by bringing an outsider into her very own home


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I agree with some of the above posters. You CAN'T lose control. Also, do not leave your home or you'll likely never ever return. You'll destroy your chances at getting custody and will likely get an unfavorable split. Some of the things she has done would make her look VERY bad in front of a family court judge (Like bringing the man over when kids are home? Letting them see her with him physically in any capacity? etc.) 

Now is the time to be honest and direct. I believe the right thing for you to do is to still try to save the marriage. Be straight with her, tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. If she wants to continue to do so, then you would like her to move out so as to not expose your children to her destructive and psychologically devestating ways. Ultimately state that you'd like to consider MC, but if she wants to go, then discuss a controlled separation and go to an MC to work out a controlled separation agreement where everything is laid out. When she is this far along, it probably won't be possible to turn her around quickly, so that allowance for time might be necessary. Don't contact her a lot, let her be whoever she wants to be, but do support her financially where possible. She'll respect that.

Just a few thoughts. Would be happy to discuss more if you are curious.


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