# My wife wants a divorce because she hates my mom



## shayp

Where do i start... We were married a year ago and a few months later my mother came down to visit for 10 days. The ten days turned into 3 because my mom and my wife went at it. I tried to mediate but my wife ended up filing for divorce. I basically begged her back and admitted my wrongdoing as maybe i should have stuck up for her more. I was trying to be a mediator (in the middle) and my wife thinks i should have chose her. Fast forward to today. We went to counseling for about 3 months and the baby talks started. Everytime my mom comes up on a conversation i feel like if i even remotely hint at hey i love my mom and i dont like hearing negative thoughts about her, divorce comes out of her mouth. She feels that i should have protected our family from my mother and seems to think i am incapable of this. I worked really hard through therapy and now today she wants to give up. I dont know what to do at this point. All i said to her was that i dont like to hear her talking crap to my face about my mom because i cant get a new mom. I definately acknowledge her feelings where i think my mom was wrong when she came. But i am at my wits end.


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## melw74

I cant believe your wife would file for a divorce just because shes rowed, and does not like your mother....... How could she even contemplate it just over this, shes being very childish.

It must have been hard for you, surely she could not expect you to pick sides, I have not been in the position, but if my husband and parents were arguing, I think I to would try to be mediator.

What did they argue about??. Its very hard to pick sides, shes your wife, but then on the other hand, shes arguing with your mother, so it becomes very difficult for you. I cant believe she cant see that.

Of course you love your mother, shes your MOTHER. If your wife thinks you should stop caring and loving your mother then shes clearly wrong.

Of course you do not wanting have anyone dissing your mum, I would not like it either.

I cant imagine my husband and my mum going at it tho, I would not like to be in the situation where they would.


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## shayp

Thank you, They were arguing because my mom saw me hurting from the actions of my wife so my mom jumped in and full on mom mode and said some very hurtful things. My mom did initially start the fight which i completely side with my wife on. Now i am kinda at my point where i want to file for divorce because it seems like there is no winning anything with her. If i say anything positive about my mom im in the wrong and she says im defending her.


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## lifeistooshort

Why would you just assume that his wife must be childish? Maybe his mother is overbearing and treats his wife like a second class citizen, it happens a lot. OP, of course you love your mother but you're married now and your first responsibility is to your wife. Your mother should be respected but she also can't come into your house and start running the show and talking down to your wife so please make sure you're not allowing that to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort

shayp said:


> Thank you, They were arguing because my mom saw me hurting from the actions of my wife so my mom jumped in and full on mom mode and said some very hurtful things. My mom did initially start the fight which i completely side with my wife on. Now i am kinda at my point where i want to file for divorce because it seems like there is no winning anything with her. If i say anything positive about my mom im in the wrong and she says im defending her.


You are a grown man that doesn't need his mommy to fight his marital battles. What happens between you and your wife is none of her business; put a stop to that now. How would you feel if her mother jumped on you every time you have an argument with your wife?
FYI: go ahead and file for divorce, the issue of mommy fighting your battles will follow you to your next relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shayp

Thats where i acknowledged my mistake. She did that when she came and we agreed to go to counseling and all..It just seems to be that my wife cant forgive me for my actions during that time period.


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## lifeistooshort

Well give her some time to see that your mother is not going to be 
butting in. Stop trying to push your mothers positives for now, it only comes across like a "but"; well ok I was wrong BUT...Just tell her that you see that your mother has no business in your marriage and you promise her it won't happen again. Then let her cool off. Your mothers actions suggest she really doesn't view you as a grown man. Something to consider.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jayde

SO, your wife talks crap about your mom. You tell her you don't want to hear it. She utters the word 'divorce'. and you scramble to apologize for whatever it is you did. And this all started with mom getting pissed off about how your wife treats you.

It's been a really short thread thus far, but, if she's dangling the D word over your head when she doesn't like what you say or do, it sounds like you guys need to divorce. And you need to figure out if you're man enough to stand by what you say and think. Would you be able to tell W, stop talking crap about mother. Period. If she uses the D word, tell her to go for it. Call her bluff, or not, but threatening you is bullying and all I can see if you stay in a marriage like that, you won't have any clue who you really are in another couple years.

Good luck.


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## F-102

jayde said:


> SO, your wife talks crap about your mom. You tell her you don't want to hear it. She utters the word 'divorce'. and you scramble to apologize for whatever it is you did. And this all started with mom getting pissed off about how your wife treats you.
> 
> It's been a really short thread thus far, but, if she's dangling the D word over your head when she doesn't like what you say or do, it sounds like you guys need to divorce. And you need to figure out if you're man enough to stand by what you say and think. Would you be able to tell W, stop talking crap about mother. Period. If she uses the D word, tell her to go for it. Call her bluff, or not, but threatening you is bullying and all I can see if you stay in a marriage like that, you won't have any clue who you really are in another couple years.
> 
> Good luck.


Fully agree with this! If the W threatens D (and so early in a marriage!) because of this, she's gonna throw out the D word every time you have an argument.


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## richie33

Your wife needs to get over herself. Haven't met many men who really like their MIL but to threaten divorce over it seems petty.


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## turnera

What actions was your wife doing that your mom felt the need to protect you from?


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## KI0159

I think your missing out to much detail for people to make a comment.

Was your Moms visit the first time her and your wife met?

How long have you and your wife been together?

You say you were hurt by your wifes actions - what did she do? do you feel bullied in the relationship? or did you not react as normal because your mom was there?

I very much doubt that she wants to divorce over what you have told us...........there must be more to it?


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## jayde

KI0159 said:


> I very much doubt that she wants to divorce over what you have told us...........there must be more to it?


good point.


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## lenzi

F-102 said:


> If the W threatens D (and so early in a marriage!) because of this, she's gonna throw out the D word every time you have an argument.


Especially since it obviously works.

He's very afraid of his wife.

That needs to stop.


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## southbound

KI0159 said:


> I think your missing out to much detail for people to make a comment.
> 
> Was your Moms visit the first time her and your wife met?
> 
> How long have you and your wife been together?
> 
> You say you were hurt by your wifes actions - what did she do? do you feel bullied in the relationship? or did you not react as normal because your mom was there?
> 
> I very much doubt that she wants to divorce over what you have told us...........there must be more to it?


:iagree: More information needed.


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## Bobby5000

Whoa? So your wife kicks your ass on a regular basis telling you what to do and how to do it, and your mother surprised by this stands up to her when you can't and your wife gets mad. I don't like meddling mother-in-laws but this sounds like someone just said the truth. Are there kids? If not, and she is nasty and dominating, I'm not sure why you are staying.


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## frusdil

I agree we need more info. Did your mum see what was happening or do you go and tell her every time you and your wife argue - that is a big no no my friend. What goes on in your marriage should stay in your marriage.

On the face of it, I do think though that your mum was out of line to step in. You're a big boy, you should be able to stand up for yourself.

I'll reserve any further comment though until we get more info.


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## Runs like Dog

Everyone involved sounds insane.


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