# Really worried about my kids and need advice please!



## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I'm going to try and make a long story short here bare with me...

My H of 15 years is a serious pornography addict. I know my children have been exposed to it and have tried to babysit his addiction so my children wouldn't have to see it again. We are now seperated and heading for divorce.. but here is whats going on with my kids...

About 2 years ago when my daughter was 6, I caught her with one of her friends (a female) in her bedroom playing a kissing game. I wasn't sure if this was normal behavior or not for a 6 year old, but I didn't make a big deal about it. I explained to them about personal space and had a long talk with my daughter about appropriate touch and what not. I also talked with the other little girls mother (girl was 10 at the time), and explained what happened. She flipped out and called Child Protection Services on me. The CPS person that visited with me explained that this is pretty normal curiosity at this age. So it was all dropped. I have had no more concerns where as my daughter is concerned.

Now my son whom is 6 is showing some very extreme sexual interest. More extreme than what happened with my daughter. I have caught him alone in his room naked with a teddy bear under the blankets on his bed, I have caught him alone in his room naked in his closet. And over the weekend I let their father take them, when he dropped them off today he told me there was an incident with my son and his cousin (4 year old boy) they were alone in the basement, and the other little boy had his pants off and my son was on top of him with his pants on. They blew this up and blamed my son repeatedly. My STBX blamed me saying I am condoning bad behavior from my son.

I had a talk with my son about private parts, and bad touches, and the like. But I am seriously concerned that this stems from his early exposure to pornography. Both of my children are in play therapy with an excellent therapist, and nothing concerning sex has come up. The kids are going to see her again tomorrow and I will explain what happened. 

I guess what my question is.. when is it normal for a child to become curious about sexual things like kissing or the actual act? 

I am so concerned that they are heading down a very painful and destructive path..HELP!


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If they are already in therapy then thats a good start. I would address the issue with the therapist and go from there.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Ok so since I posted this Child protection services called me.. someone reported the incident at my soon to be ex's sister's house. 

The person at CPS explained that they aren't concerned about the boys' behavoir, its pretty normal sexual curiosity at this age. Ok fine.

They are concerned however with how my soon to be ex reacted to it. I wasn't there so I don't know how he reacted, I did blow up at him because he was still screaming at my son when he brought him back home that night. I told him screaming and yelling wasn't helping anything, and pulled my son aside to talk to him about it.

CPS says that my STBX called my son a "***" and "stupid" repeatedly, and screamed at him non stop for an hour. So I called him and explained to him what CPS told me and he said, "oh great so the kids do something and immediately i get blamed for yelling". 

Hes so used to blame shifting that if someone calls him on his behavior on ANYTHING.. he tries to make it sound like hes the victim. He says that whoever reported it doesn't know what happened and CPS shouldn't be taking the word of others that weren't there.

Now I'm not sure what to do, do I make him take parenting courses and anger management (this is not the first time hes yelled at the kids its a daily occurance) before he can have visitations? Do I not let him see my kids anymore? this makes me so upset and angry.. and I don't know what I can do.

Waiting for a call back from my lawyer on this issue.. it could be a long night


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Its good that CPS knows how your husband reacted and the things he called your son. IMO people who act that way and call names to their kids probably shouldn't be around them. he sounds like he has some major anger issues. 

I'm sure if you wanted to take things a step further and have the rights changed with your husband to where he was under supervised visitation it could be worked out since CPS knows all of this. As along as a parent has some kind of anger issues like that and they are calling their own child names, needs to be supervised IMO.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Look at it like this...if he can expose your child to porn, show all that anger, and verbally call him names, its no telling what else he could do when you're not around.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Supervised visits, only. Bring up the porn issue with your lawyer and discuss how best to protect the kids. But do not deny them their dad--supervised visits allow the relationship to continue, and that is best for them. IT's tough, but better than having them experience abandonment.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If you're really worried about your kids, and it seems you should be, then push for supervised visits. Also throw in it might be helpful if he attended anger management classes. Calling your child names and yelling is NOT acceptable. You stated he did this in front of the CPS people? So you see, he doesn't give a rats a$$, if they are around, so its no telling what goes on when no one is around.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I'm not sure who he said this in front of.. thats just what CPS told me was said...

I talked to CPS again, they have no concerns as far as me.. but they are very worried about how my stbx is treating the kids. They advised if I don't push for supervised visits they will. I talked to my attorney and he is going to file my legal seperation and custody papers ASAP.

Hopefully this all turns out well and he doesn't decide to do something stupid. I can see him being a moron and tellnig everyone that i'm threatening to take the kids away from him completely. And it could backlash on me.. with his family harassing or threatening me, or he himself doing it.

Pray for me and my kids.. we need it


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> I'm not sure who he said this in front of.. thats just what CPS told me was said...
> 
> I talked to CPS again, they have no concerns as far as me.. but they are very worried about how my stbx is treating the kids. They advised if I don't push for supervised visits they will. I talked to my attorney and he is going to file my legal seperation and custody papers ASAP.
> 
> ...


You're doing the right thing. Your kids need you right now! At least you have some powerful people in your corner! I'm praying for you and kids!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Lilyana said:


> I'm not sure who he said this in front of.. thats just what CPS told me was said...
> 
> I talked to CPS again, they have no concerns as far as me.. but they are very worried about how my stbx is treating the kids. They advised if I don't push for supervised visits they will. I talked to my attorney and he is going to file my legal seperation and custody papers ASAP.
> 
> ...


Sending thoughts and prayers your way! I know this is hard, be strong the best you can! I think you're doing the right thing!


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