# Just need someone to talk to.



## Radish (Jun 9, 2010)

I just want to know from the people out there that have been cheated on, is it normal to have extreme fluctuations with your emotions? I know you'll have your up and down moments and triggers that will flood thoughts into your head, but I was just wondering if its normal and expected at some point to say that you don't think you love them anymore and just have that be the hurt you talking? I cheated on my bf of 3 1/2 years (I know marriage site, but I didn't know where else to go..) and told him most of the stuff that happened in the beginning of April. It was so hard to tell him and I made the mistake of holding some things back. Partly for fear, partly because I didn't want to see him hurt anymore. Two weeks ago I decided that I couldn't keep it in anymore, it was killing me and if we did manage to work past this I didn't want anymore lying. When I told him it killed him. After two months of trying to trust me again I brought up other things that I was lying about. Since then it's just gotten worse, back to the way it was when I first told him. I was just wondering if that's to be expected considering its the same emotions he was going through when I first told him? I'm only asking because its gotten to the point where he hasn't really spoken to me the past couple of days, and he says that since he's been feeling like this he doesn't think he loves me anymore. We've been sleeping in separate rooms and I don't know what to think anymore. I have cut off all ties with the other guy, and I truly regret everything that I did. I know that the only thing I can do now is show him that I am truly sorry for how I've hurt him and show him that I only want to be with him and will be faithful. Part of me still thinks that he still does want to try to work things out because he hasn't officially broken things off. Any input would be greatly appreciated. If there's any information you would need in order to form an opinion, feel free to ask. I only left out the details of everything because I don't want people to have to read trough a 5 page post. Thanks.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Much like yours, I had to find out details along the way, and it makes it so much harder to trust anyone. My H told me about his affair, and then we sat down a week later to talk about it. 4 months later I will still finding out new things. He was trying to "spare me" the pain much like you were, and all it does is drag it out to where I was literally asking "is there anything in our entire relationship you HAVEN"T lied about?!?!" That's how it feels. Like there is no bottom. 

You are completely right, you will have to sit down and come up with reasonable boundaries together, be transparent, accept responsibility and show him that you can be trusted again. But don't expect it to be quick. It most likely will be a long process. I honestly can't tell you how many times my H told me " Now you know everything, there isn't anything else" and then I would find out something else LMAO. Talk about emotions, yeah I was all over the place. I cycled through, angry, sad, depressed, angry, weepy, angry lol. Notice angry a lot. Best of luck honey.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Don't worry about the 5 page post (hopefully you can condense it). I have yet to see anyone....ever complain about a long post. Just make sure to put it in swallowable paragraphs.


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## Radish (Jun 9, 2010)

Thanks Dawn for responding. I hated that I waited that long to tell him, but I made sure that that day I told him _everything_. I wanted every little thing out in the open so we could move forward. I did the same thing. When he asked me if there was anything else I would tell him no, then a week later he would ask again and I'd say "well..." It killed me lying to him but it was just so hard to say it all at once. If you don't mind me asking, how are you and your husband now? Even though it took him that long to tell you everything were you able to get past him still keeping things from you?

Init, I'm sure I would be able to condense it, and I'd hope that I would be able to compose it so that people could actually comprehend it to give me advice haha.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't mind at all honey. We are doing okay. He has made some amazing progress and so have I. The hard part for us, was that he wanted to push past the fact that he cheated and talk about what he wasn't getting from me. He didn't want to allow me the time to greive because he said " he didn't like being reminded of what he did". Well, I finally had to break it down for him that I need to talk about that until it doesn't hurt anymore, and then we can start working on the "missing pieces" of the relationship. Unfortunately for him, he was missing pieces because he thought that marriage was all take and no give. Now that he knows otherwise, we are putting along quite well lol. I got to skip a lot of steps, because he wasn't busted until a year and a half later. There was no need for exposure or no contact letters. It was way too late for all of that. 

I am still at the stage where he has to call a lot to let me know where he is and he pretty much knows that "guys nights" are going to be non existant until I can trust him again. If you want a timeline, I have a small one. He was back at work a week after, and he has been out with friends twice, but with me there. He has agreed to letting me know where he is at all times, even calls when he is coming home for the day, or for lunch to try and show me that he wants this to work. Will it die down and will I trust him again? Yes. Maybe not fully, but I will be able to let go. I found out on Halloween of 2009 so I am guessing by Halloween of 2010 I will start to be okay with hanging out with the boys. Does that halp any?? LOL. Ask away if I can answer anything specific for you.


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