# Faking it - A guys reaction



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Ok this is perhaps a delicate area which is full of ifs and buts. 
However, guys, how would you feel if having been in a stable loving relationship you find that your female partner had faked orgasm(s) during their time with you?

If any of the ladies would want to comment then great.

Im curious as Ive just seen one of the cr*p talk shows where some "expert" has made a statement that men dont know when it happens to their SO, that women will frequently act the part and that its impossibe for a lady to reach an orgasm without the male noticing contractions, which they claim occurs all the time. These would be noticable more during oral sex than penertrative (guess thats accurate anyway).

(bet this gets some reaction lol) 

Don't you just love "an experts" opinion?:scratchhead:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I think it's a bad thing to fake it. Maybe, just maybe if you know that your hubby has put all his heart into it but it is just not happening for you then maybe fake one to reward him for a supreme effort.
But if it is done too often you risk training him into doing things that don't get you off. How do you then tell him that the position/technique he is using just isn't doing it for you when you have faked it ten or twenty times before?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

As a woman, I refuse to fake orgasms. It really does neither of us any good. If I were to fake it, he'd think he was hitting it just right when, in fact, it just isn't working. I would rather just say "Babe, it's not happening this time. I'm enjoying the attention and the sex, but I'm just not going to orgasm. We'll get it next time." And we do.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> As a woman, I refuse to fake orgasms. It really does neither of us any good. If I were to fake it, he'd think he was hitting it just right when, in fact, it just isn't working. I would rather just say "Babe, it's not happening this time. I'm enjoying the attention and the sex, but I'm just not going to orgasm. We'll get it next time." And we do.


Yes Maricha, agree and that is exactly what my wife does.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

wifeofhusband said:


> I have never faked. I never will. If you fake a buy thinks he is doing the right things. How then does he learn to actually change things so they are right? And how do you then approach the topic later on when you want it to be real? Tell the guy you've been faking all along? I think it is dishonest.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## RECHTSANWALT (Oct 5, 2011)

I think it happens a lot in our marriage. There's nothing you can do after the fact. Intimacy happens far before the act and continues long after. If a woman isn't feeling loved, it is going to be hard to get the O. Still, I've heard many women who are more physical. 

My reaction: I tried my best.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Its interesting so far that some (and I commend you ) will actually work to help the male partner improve.

I've often wanted to ask my W if shes ever faked - The result of the thought quashed as I suppose (and Im not afraind of being told Im crap) Im afrid that it will cause an issue such as a heated debate or even to see may W lie to save me feeling like Im under-performing.

Ive often asked my W is that ok or tried a variation of something to make a little change and not be to regimental about the process. In my humble opinion women who actually tell their partner or even show them what is needed are working in the most honest way to both people enjoying the experience.

I read on another forum that a lady took it as an insult when a husband was telling her how to perform oral sex on him - Yet as he stated - he desperatley wanted it to be a nice experience for both of them and not have his W give up after 1 / 2 minutes saying her hand is tired, mouth is aching etc. When in actual fact he ws a little uncomfortable as her teeth kept catching him and it actually stopped him feeling pleasure.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

My wife claims that she never fakes but I kind f know when it's a little different reaction. She'll say that it was just a 'small' orgasm, but that sounds iffy at best in my opinion. But then there are times when she will tell me that she doesn't feel as if she will cum (from intercourse) and I should just cum when I can instead of waiting for her. So that confuses me as to if she faked a few of the other times. 

Even if she did fake, I have to give her credit for going through the motions for me. I know that I'm not always at my best so perhaps St on me those occasions.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> However, guys, how would you feel if having been in a stable loving relationship you find that your female partner had faked orgasm(s) during their time with you?


I would be as pissed as i would with all other sorts of important lies. Women who fake it aren't doing themselves no favors.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

hmmmmmm........ well until being with my hubby I had never had an orgasm.....so I do not fake it!!!! BUT to be honest....there are times I want to ...... because I do not want to do that anymore!!! Is that bad? He said he loves to do that... and I really don't care if he does....I love to do that to him and I love the SEX but just don't care about that.....but I guess maybe because that was not part of my life before him???? hmmmmm......


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LOL I do recall one time it seemed to take forever to get there... after, my husband said to me that sometimes, he wished I DID fake it... He was kidding (trust me, the tone of voice gave that away  ) but I understood what he meant. It seemed I would get close...then it subsided. VERY frustrating. But he didn't give up. It was very much appreciated, and he knows that.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I would agree that most men are unaware of when their partner is faking it. I would say that men who watch porn excessively or regularly are the most easily fooled because of the standards that porn sets in regards to the female orgasm. Loud moaning, thrashing about, heavy breathing, clenched hands and feet etc are not synonymous with orgasm. But porn has taught most men that those are the signs of an orgasm. And obviously, women are aware of how to act it out and go through the motions. I think women fake it for a couple of different reasons, to get their partner to stop doing something that feels unpleaseant, or to stroke 
his ego. 

A woman's vaginal walls and pelvic floor do rapidly contract and release upon orgasm, for usually between 5 and 15 seconds. Unless she has a very small vagina and very strong vaginal muscles, a man is unlikely to feel these contraction during intercourse because a penis is not sensitive enough to feel them. Manual stimulation (fingering) is likely the only time a man may feel the contractions. 

With that said...

I've faked it many times over the course of my life and probably will continue to do so. Sometimes I'm just not up to having one yet don't want to dissapoint my husband so I fake it. He's happy, I'm happy and the day goes on. I think there is nothing wrong with faking it if makes my husband feel good about his sexual prowess.

Sex is not just about orgasms, it's about making your partner feel sexy, desired, incredible and hot. And if me climbing up the walls and moaning so loud that the neighbors hear makes him feel that way, then I am certainly going to do that for him from time to time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I prefer to be honest and tell him he owes me one. I enjoy everything about sex but sometimes I just can't get there. Has absolutely nothing to do with him its usually because I can't get out of my own head. For me O's are mental.

And even if I wanted to fake it I couldn't. I'm a terrible liar. LOL


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I would agree that most men are unaware of when their partner is faking it. I would say that men who watch porn excessively or regularly are the most easily fooled because of the standards that porn sets in regards to the female orgasm. Loud moaning, thrashing about, heavy breathing, clenched hands and feet etc are not synonymous with orgasm. But porn has taught most men that those are the signs of an orgasm. And obviously, women are aware of how to act it out and go through the motions. I think women fake it for a couple of different reasons, to get their partner to stop doing something that feels unpleaseant, or to stroke
> his ego.
> 
> A woman's vaginal walls and pelvic floor do rapidly contract and release upon orgasm, for usually between 5 and 15 seconds. Unless she has a very small vagina and very strong vaginal muscles, a man is unlikely to feel these contraction during intercourse because a penis is not sensitive enough to feel them. Manual stimulation (fingering) is likely the only time a man may feel the contractions.
> ...


Thanks for the info, that was one of the things I wonder about, why I don't feel the flutterings/contractions she has mentioned.

I sometimes feel a vague 'tightening' but nothing I would say stands out.

What I do feel quite strongly is when she is on top and coughs, especially in the afterglow it really grips then she often does it on purpose to see the expression on my face.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I don't know if she has ever faked it, but I doubt it. We quite often have sex where she doesn't get an O. Most of the time she says she doesn't need to get there, she enjoys being close. So even in times where I want to go farther and try and get her there, she doesn't want to. I think a part of it is that she does not have the stamina to keep going sometimes. 
I know I have faked it a couple times in our marriage. Not as easy for a guy to do, but I have.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Thanks for the info, that was one of the things I wonder about, why I don't feel the flutterings/contractions she has mentioned.
> 
> I sometimes feel a vague 'tightening' but nothing I would say stands out.
> 
> What I do feel quite strongly is when she is on top and coughs, especially in the afterglow it really grips then she often does it on purpose to see the expression on my face.


You probably won't ever be able to feel them during intercourse, especially if she has given birth to children vaginally. I suppose feeling them does not carry much importance anyway...

I don't think husbands always need to know when their wife is faking it nor do they need to know every time they are not getting an orgasm. I would say that like me with my husband,faking it is mostly done out of love. Women are fickle creatures, our hormones, where we on in our menstrual cycle, etc can all affect our ability to orgasm. I think it would be mean to my husband to tell him every single time i don't "o" especially when it doesn't have anything to do with him. Men take that to heart, even if she says "it's not personal."

There are times i do tell my husband that i didn't "get it" and suggest that he help me with that. Unfortunately, when he has orgasmed he becomes exhausted and then doesn't feel up to giving me oral or fingering me. That frustrates me at times.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Pault said:


> Ok this is perhaps a delicate area which is full of ifs and buts.
> However, guys, how would you feel if having been in a stable loving relationship you find that your female partner had faked orgasm(s) during their time with you?


I figured out my soon-to-be wife had faked once early on in our relationship. I told her that it was hurtful and insulting and that I would prefer to break up than continue being deceived. I feel it is really condescending to fake it and it made me feel like I was exploiting her.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I would be hurt because that's really not at all, even remotely, the kind of thing that my wife would do. I can't speak for anyone else, but my wife, and the kind of relationship we have...faking it would be totally pointless, and a hugely out of place element to our relationship. It also would be foolish because women tend to fake it in order to end sex, and my wife's first orgasms are almost never the end of sex for us. Our sex life just doesn't even really work in a way in which faking it would have a purpose. It's sorta of hilarious to even think of it, because it just would be such a stupid, pointless happening within the context of how we make love.

I would also wonder what the hell was wrong with me that I could't tell. I know my wife _extremely_ well, in some very deep ways, and she's not able to hide or fake with me. She's just a horrid liar. So if she were successfully faking, and I didn't know, it would start me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WTF!?!?!

:lol:

I can't even!!!

*Edit:* Looks like the pic with the giant footjob has exited the stage!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

a lie is a lie.

and the women who fake it are liers.In their distorted veiw point they think they are saving their husbands heart ach by making him feel manly. Instead of putting in the work of having better sex and connecting with their husband they foolishly think they know best.

but what they fail to realise is if their husband figures out that they have been lied to for years they would have actually done just the oppisite. 

I would be hurt that my wife thought so little of me that she thought she had to lie to protect my feeling.

and I would be pi$$ed for the same reason.along with feeling like a child that my wife thought she knew better instead of being honest.

not to mention thats the best part of making love for a man bringing his woman to a great orgasm.and then finding out it was a sham.

very bad to fake it!!!!!!! I would rather hear it felt nice but I didn't come. so I could retourt well then show/tell me what you like and lets figure this out together and what a journey it could be.that my friends is true intamacy. the very thing most women always say want the most. by lying your are removing all of that.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

If I found out my partner had been faking it I would consider it her loss. Good sex requires feedback. You need to know whether what you're doing is good or you should move on to something else. If you get false feedback you're going to continue doing the wrong thing.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

A saying I heard long ago.

"For a woman to be a good lover, she must make a man think he is a good lover."

"If a man thinks he is a good lover, he will do anything a woman asks of him as a lover."


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

You have a good wife jaquen, whether she's faking it or not (and that's quite likely imo), you don't know... and that really is the point of it (faking it, I mean). It makes men feel good, masculine, sexy and strong. So whether your wife is or not orgasming from giving you oral, she makes you FEEL like she is, and imo, that's what a good female lover/wife does. She wants you to be happy.

Off that soapbox and on to another lol...

A woman faking it does mean she's lying, it means she's enhancing the experience. My husband doesn't always feel up to going shopping with me, I know that, but yeah, I want him to fake like he does. I really do. Sure he could be "honest" and totally ruin the shopping experience for me but what would be the purpose of that? 

Pretending is a part of marriage I think. There's plenty of stuff I may not get into that my husbad just loves, so I act like I love it too. It makes him feel good, and that's how I want him to feel.

Though I have no issue with women faking it, I don't think it should be the norm. Maybe 30% of the time or less, max. Because if she's having to fake it more than that, she needs to sit with her husband and talk to him about it. She's probably not being satisfied overall and that can lead to a whole new set of problems, infidelity, excessive porn, cutting off sex etc.

I think it's about balance for women (and men I think), making your lover feel like a god/goddess even if that means faking it a bit, while at the same time making sure you are being satisfied over all. Balance.




jaquen said:


> I would be hurt because that's really not at all, even remotely, the kind of thing that my wife would do. I can't speak for anyone else, but my wife, and the kind of relationship we have...faking it would be totally pointless, and a hugely out of place element to our relationship. It also would be foolish because women tend to fake it in order to end sex, and my wife's first orgasms are almost never the end of sex for us. Our sex life just doesn't even really work in a way in which faking it would have a purpose. It's sorta of hilarious to even think of it, because it just would be such a stupid, pointless happening within the context of how we make love.
> 
> I would also wonder what the hell was wrong with me that I could't tell. I know my wife _extremely_ well, in some very deep ways, and she's not able to hide or fake with me. She's just a horrid liar. So if she were successfully faking, and I didn't know, it would start me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You have a good wife jaquen, whether she's faking it or not (and that's quite likely imo), you don't know... and that really is the point of it (faking it, I mean). It makes men feel good, masculine, sexy and strong. So whether your wife is or not orgasming from giving you oral, she makes you FEEL like she is, and imo, that's what a good female lover/wife does. She wants you to be happy.


My wife is not faking it. This might be very hard for you to grasp, as you do fake it, but that's not really how we function in our relationship _at all_. Without you knowing her, how she operates, it's very hard to convey how absurd your suggestion (assumption) truly is. I'll read it to her when she wakes up, and we'll both likely have a good laugh.

None of the precursors you are mentioning in the reason why women feel the need to fake it with men exists in our relationship. They never have. And God willing, they never will. We don't play "pretend"; I don't fake anything on her behalf, nor does she with me. If I don't want to go shopping with her, she knows. If she doesn't like something I do, she lets me know. It's the way we've been always.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jaquen, I hope she does have a laugh about it with you. Your wife really does sound like a good woman/lover, whether she's faking it or not. 



jaquen said:


> My wife is not faking it. This might be very hard for you to grasp, as you do fake it, but that's not really how we function in our relationship _at all_. Without you knowing her, how she operates, it's very hard to convey how absurd your suggestion (assumption) truly is. I'll read it to her when she wakes up, and we'll both likely have a good laugh.
> 
> None of the precursors you are mentioning in the reason why women feel the need to fake it with men exists in our relationship. They never have. And God willing, they never will. We don't play "pretend"; I don't fake anything on her behalf, nor does she with me. If I don't want to go shopping with her, she knows. If she doesn't like something I do, she lets me know. It's the way we've been always.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

aribabe said:


> You have a good wife jaquen, whether she's faking it or not (and that's quite likely imo), you don't know... and that really is the point of it (faking it, I mean). It makes men feel good, masculine, sexy and strong. So whether your wife is or not orgasming from giving you oral, she makes you FEEL like she is, and imo, that's what a good female lover/wife does. She wants you to be happy.


I agree and that is why I admire men who are unfaithful and tell their wives they are the only one. It makes them feel wanted, feminine, special. They want their wives to be happy.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Having an affair is synonymous with moaning a little louder and acting like a sex kiten for your partners benefit? Who knew? 

I guess you can just call me an adultress then...



johnnycomelately said:


> I agree and that is why I admire men who are unfaithful and tell their wives they are the only one. It makes them feel wanted, feminine, special. They want their wives to be happy.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

aribabe said:


> Having an affair is synonymous with moaning a little louder and acting like a sex kiten for your partners benefit? Who knew?
> 
> I guess you can just call me an adultress then...


I am not trying to equate them, but I am trying to point out that deception is deception and everyone can justify it by saying it is for the other person's good. 

If I found out that my wife had regularly faked orgasms throughout our marriage I would divorce her. This idea that it is done to protect men's fragile egos is condescending and sexist in my opinion.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

A marriage that is so easily thrown away because a woman faked an orgasm is not much of marriage at all imo. Would you also divorce her if she said she ate an apple and turkey sandwich for lunch when she really got fries and a burger? Sheesh....

As far as I'm concerned, there is no "sexism" in intimacy. I like being submissive when I'm giving oral to my husband, like being called his "little $lut". Is that sexist, I don't think so. Sex is not all about orgasms, its about pleasing your partner, and men are pleased when their wife is shaking and moaning their name. So women do it, what's the big deal?



johnnycomelately said:


> I am not trying to equate them, but I am trying to point out that deception is deception and everyone can justify it by saying it is for the other person's good.
> 
> If I found out that my wife had regularly faked orgasms throughout our marriage I would divorce her. This idea that it is done to protect men's fragile egos is condescending and sexist in my opinion.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> My wife is not faking it. This might be very hard for you to grasp, as you do fake it, but that's not really how we function in our relationship _at all_. Without you knowing her, how she operates, it's very hard to convey how absurd your suggestion (assumption) truly is. I'll read it to her when she wakes up, and we'll both likely have a good laugh.
> 
> None of the precursors you are mentioning in the reason why women feel the need to fake it with men exists in our relationship. They never have. And God willing, they never will. We don't play "pretend"; I don't fake anything on her behalf, nor does she with me. If I don't want to go shopping with her, she knows. If she doesn't like something I do, she lets me know. It's the way we've been always.


I'm with you Jaquen. My husband would also be hurt if I ever faked it. He jokingly said ONE time that he wished I could. And yes, he was joking. The fact is, no matter how long it takes, he wants that end result, IF it's going to happen. And he would rather I tell him, if I know it's not gonna happen, that it really isn't gonna happen. It doesn't make him feel like a horrible lover any more than it does me when HE can't finish for whatever reason. It's about HONESTY in a relationship. And when an orgasm is faked, it sets them up for heartache.

Think about it. You fake it, don't tell him/he can't tell. He thinks he's doing GREAT! Then, you go at it again, he does the exact same thing as last time because, hey, it worked before, so it must be great! And, it doesn't work...again... but you fake it...again. And you keep repeating this cycle. Eventually, you feel "damn, he sucks in bed!"...when in reality, HE isn't the problem, it's YOU for not speaking up and DIRECTING him to what works. Continued faking will lead down this road. 

And aribabe,... equating orgasms to shopping? Really? They are not even on the same LEVEL. Wow....

Anyway, I would rather be in an open and honest relationship than one filled with deceit. But that's JMHO


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Jaquen, I hope she does have a laugh about it with you. Your wife really does sound like a good woman/lover, whether she's faking it or not.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's woke.

I'll give you my wife's exact reaction to our exchange, and this thread topic in general:

*After reading my response to this topic:
*

_Shakes head several times in total agreement. She bursts out laughing that I called her a "horrid liar". 
_

*After reading your insistence that she's faking:
*

_Baffled look_

*Wife:* Who the phuck is this woman, and what does she know about my body?
[My wife seldom ever cusses, so this tells you how strong her reaction is]

*After reading the rest of your asssesment that a good wife and lover fakes it*

_Ossilating looks of confusion and flabbergast
_

*After reading other responses from women in the thread who fake:

*
*Wife:* If you feel the need to fake with your partner, then why are you with him? That makes no sense to me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> A marriage that is so easily thrown away because a woman faked an orgasm is not much of marriage at all imo. Would you also divorce her if she said she ate an apple and turkey sandwich for lunch when she really got fries and a burger? Sheesh....


Really? You are going to compare an ORGASM to a turkey sandwich???? :rofl:



aribabe said:


> As far as I'm concerned, there is no "sexism" in intimacy. I like being submissive when I'm giving oral to my husband, like being called his "little $lut". Is that sexist, I don't think so. Sex is not all about orgasms, its about pleasing your partner, and men are pleased when their wife is shaking and moaning their name. So women do it, what's the big deal?



Well, maybe it's not a big deal for your husband. Hey, some men don't mind when their wives lie to them. However, from the responses here, I would say there are quite a few who DO mind the deceit. Again, it's better to show him what you like than have to LIE to him constantly. Seriously, how does it benefit either? You don't get off, and he thinks he's "the man" because he thinks you got off...again, he repeats it and it doesn't work. It's just going to lead to more lies, and resentment.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> She's woke.
> 
> I'll give you my wife's exact reaction to our exchange, and this thread topic in general:
> 
> ...


Jaquen... I love your wife! She is AWESOME! :smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> A woman faking it does mean she's lying, it means she's enhancing the experience. My husband doesn't always feel up to going shopping with me, I know that, but yeah, I want him to fake like he does. I really do. Sure he could be "honest" and totally ruin the shopping experience for me but what would be the purpose of that?
> 
> Pretending is a part of marriage I think. There's plenty of stuff I may not get into that my husbad just loves, so I act like I love it too. It makes him feel good, and that's how I want him to feel.


You're equivocating


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Your husband has issues with his libido because of a medication he is taking right? So not only does he have to deal with libido issues that are out of his control, his wife is telling him she didn't "o" (not sure how often you tell him that) and when she does it can take her a looong time. I'm not a guy, but I would honestly be shocked if that didn't make him feel some sort of a way.

Faking it doesn't mean your partner is not pleasing you, or can't learn. Faking it is actually a great way to teach your husband how to satisfy you without giving him instructions like he's incompotent. So when he strokes/licks/rubs it right and you moan loud and your toes curl and you fake it, that's teaching him exactly what to do, and makes him feel like a freaking king. 

I don't put orgasms on some magical, amazing uncomparable pedestal so yeah, I don't see why they can't be compared with shopping or some other pleasurable thing.



Maricha75 said:


> I'm with you Jaquen. My husband would also be hurt if I ever faked it. He jokingly said ONE time that he wished I could. And yes, he was joking. The fact is, no matter how long it takes, he wants that end result, IF it's going to happen. And he would rather I tell him, if I know it's not gonna happen, that it really isn't gonna happen. It doesn't make him feel like a horrible lover any more than it does me when HE can't finish for whatever reason. It's about HONESTY in a relationship. And when an orgasm is faked, it sets them up for heartache.
> 
> Think about it. You fake it, don't tell him/he can't tell. He thinks he's doing GREAT! Then, you go at it again, he does the exact same thing as last time because, hey, it worked before, so it must be great! And, it doesn't work...again... but you fake it...again. And you keep repeating this cycle. Eventually, you feel "damn, he sucks in bed!"...when in reality, HE isn't the problem, it's YOU for not speaking up and DIRECTING him to what works. Continued faking will lead down this road.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jaquen, I think she gave you the perfect response. I really do. From what you've described, I think she is a great woman/wife. And I can certainly respect that, real orgasms or not.



jaquen said:


> She's woke.
> 
> I'll give you my wife's exact reaction to our exchange, and this thread topic in general:
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Your husband has issues with his libido because of a medication he is taking right? So not only does he have to deal with libido issues that are out of his control, his wife is telling him she didn't "o" (not sure how often you tell him that) and when she does it can take her a looong time. I'm not a guy, but I would honestly be shocked if that didn't make him feel some sort of a way.
> 
> Faking it doesn't mean your partner is not pleasing you, or can't learn. Faking it is actually a great way to teach your husband how to satisfy you without giving him instructions like he's incompotent. So when he strokes/licks/rubs it right and you moan loud and your toes curl and you fake it, that's teaching him exactly what to do, and makes him feel like a freaking king.
> 
> ...


He is having the issues NOW. He never had them BEFORE. And, As I have stated MANY times, I NEVER faked it. He KNOWS I don't, and HE prefers it that way. He doesn't want me to LIE to him. Get it? If I fake it, HE sees it as lying, which makes him feel WORSE. As I stated... it takes me longer sometimes and he would rather take the time than to have me fake it to get it over with. WHEN I moan, WHEN I get louder, it is because I DO have an orgasm.

I really don't see how LYING to him would make him a better lover. Then again, I have no need to instruct him. He changes positions, etc on his own when something isn't working. Why ON EARTH would I want him to continue doing something that doesn't work?? Seriously? Hey, glad that works for you and your husband. Doesn't work for us.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Fair enough Maricha



Maricha75 said:


> He is having the issues NOW. He never had them BEFORE. And, As I have stated MANY times, I NEVER faked it. He KNOWS I don't, and HE prefers it that way. He doesn't want me to LIE to him. Get it? If I fake it, HE sees it as lying, which makes him feel WORSE. As I stated... it takes me longer sometimes and he would rather take the time than to have me fake it to get it over with. WHEN I moan, WHEN I get louder, it is because I DO have an orgasm.
> 
> I really don't see how LYING to him would make him a better lover. Then again, I have no need to instruct him. He changes positions, etc on his own when something isn't working. Why ON EARTH would I want him to continue doing something that doesn't work?? Seriously? Hey, glad that works for you and your husband. Doesn't work for us.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

johnnycomelately said:


> I am not trying to equate them, but I am trying to point out that deception is deception and everyone can justify it by saying it is for the other person's good.
> 
> If I found out that my wife had regularly faked orgasms throughout our marriage I would divorce her. This idea that it is done to protect men's fragile egos is condescending and sexist in my opinion.


You would divorce over that? Really. Wow. You are that sensitive?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> You would divorce over that? Really. Wow. You are that sensitive?


Possibly because he equates it with lying? And then he would have to wonder what else she was lying about? I can understand that line of thinking, actually. Although, I would think it would make more sense to try to get the root of the problem and work through it FIRST, if possible. But if the lying continued, yea, I could see that.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, that's exactly what I was thinking...



gbrad said:


> You would divorce over that? Really. Wow. You are that sensitive?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75, I read her your compliment, and she beamed, and said "what a wonderful woman".

Aribabe, I won't repeat her reactions to your continued "wheter faking it or not" and "orgasm or not" insinuations about her, nor how insulted she is by any suggestion that a woman should EVER fake it. She's deeply passionate about the topic, and does not condone any woman faking it at any time. She has no respect for women who do this. But this is the PG summary!

I will say this, you definitely got my normally sweet wife fired up this morning! :rofl:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

You know what I think jaquen, you should go put out her fire then. Nothing like some afternoon nookie. She's happy, you're happy. And that ultimately is all that matters. 



jaquen said:


> Maricha75, I read her your compliment, and she beamed, and said "what a wonderful woman".
> 
> Aribabe, I won't repeat her reactions to your continued "wheter faking it or not" and "orgasm or not" insinuations about her, nor how insulted she is by any suggestion that a woman should EVER fake it. She's deeply passionate about the topic, and does not condone any woman faking it at any time. She has no respect for women who do this. But this is the PG summary!
> 
> I will say this, you definitely got my normally sweet wife fired up this morning! :rofl:


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You know what I think jaquen, you should go put out her fire then. Nothing like some afternoon nookie. She's happy, you're happy. And that ultimately is all that matters.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

I tell you Aribabe, nobody else on this board equal parts has me smacking my head, and then moments later cracking up.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

What can I say.. I'm a woman of many talents. Just ask my husband 



jaquen said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I tell you Aribabe, nobody else on this board equal parts has me smacking my head, and then moments later cracking up.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Faking it doesn't mean your partner is not pleasing you, or can't learn. Faking it is actually a great way to teach your husband how to satisfy you without giving him instructions like he's incompotent. So when he strokes/licks/rubs it right and you moan loud and your toes curl and you fake it, that's teaching him exactly what to do, and makes him feel like a freaking king.



But I don't think you're describing "faking it" here Aribabe.

I think the above is perfectly OK, but only IF the feeling behind the show is genuine.

For instance, let's say a woman is naturally quiet during sex; not everyone is vocal and loud. While she is getting a lot of pleasure, and cumming, he might not be aware of just how much she's enjoying it. For his pleasure, and his security, she might show more vocal and physical signs when he's really hitting the spot right.

I think that is enhancing the truth, for the sake of your lover. I don't think that's wrong, because ultimately the feeling is authentic. 

Wrong would be moaning, heaving, and screaming when there is no real pleasure there.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

*.*

But what if the feeling behind the show is not physical pleasure... but emotional pleasure like love.

My husband likes to have a quickie during his lunch break about once a week. Quickies are not pleasurable to me, I need the foreplay, 30+ minutes to really orgasm and feel like I'm "in heaven". But I love my husband and I know he "needs" the quickies and he also "needs" to feel like I'm loving every minute of the 15 minutes it takes. So though I rarely/never orgasm during quickies, my husbnd wouldn't know it. Because I scream his name, pull at the sheets, body convulses in "orgasm" and my husband gets to go back to work feeling like the man who just put it down on his wife and left her in sexual bliss. If that's not a boost to his day, I don't know what could be.

So yeah, I could be like Maricha and say "sorry I didn't o baby,maybe next time" but my job as wife, is to always try snd uplift him. Even if I've gotta pretend sometimes.




jaquen said:


> But I don't think you're describing "faking it" here Aribabe.
> 
> I think the above is perfectly OK, but only IF the feeling behind the show is genuine.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Possibly because he equates it with lying? And then he would have to wonder what else she was lying about? I can understand that line of thinking, actually. Although, I would think it would make more sense to try to get the root of the problem and work through it FIRST, if possible. But if the lying continued, yea, I could see that.


yes, if it led to a lot of other things. But not just for that one singular aspect. I also am a big believer in forgiveness.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> yes, if it led to a lot of other things. But not just for that one singular aspect. I also am a big believer in forgiveness.


OMG! You and I agree on something! Ok, who are you and what did you do with the real gbrad?? 

JK! I, too, am big on forgiveness. I guess it depends on the circumstances though. Continually lying, with no intention of stopping...well, that would be the end, IMO. But if willing to STOP lying, and truly work on the problem, yes, I could forgive.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> OMG! You and I agree on something! Ok, who are you and what did you do with the real gbrad??
> 
> JK! I, too, am big on forgiveness. I guess it depends on the circumstances though. Continually lying, with no intention of stopping...well, that would be the end, IMO. But if willing to STOP lying, and truly work on the problem, yes, I could forgive.


I'm not all bad. It just seems as if all the negative comes out on this board. 
Forgiveness is a tricky thing and there are many who don't believe strongly in it. 
And as much as I know that lying is wrong, its a sin, its just bad. I can also admit that it is a weakness of mine. We all have them and I recognize I have always struggled with it. There are times when I think it is okay (certain types of white lies) and times when I just rationalize it for myself. 
But yes, I recognize the potential harm that habitual lying can do.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

*Re: .*



aribabe said:


> My husband likes to have a quickie during his lunch break about once a week. Quickies are not pleasurable to me, I need the foreplay, 30+ minutes to really orgasm and feel like I'm "in heaven". But I love my husband and I know he "needs" the quickies and he also "needs" to feel like I'm loving every minute of the 15 minutes it takes. So though I rarely/never orgasm during quickies, my husbnd wouldn't know it. Because I scream his name, pull at the sheets, body convulses in "orgasm" and my husband gets to go back to work feeling like the man who just put it down on his wife and left her in sexual bliss. If that's not a boost to his day, I don't know what could be.


I can't speak for your husband's needs.

All I can say is that while the above scenario seems to be for his good, and is coming from a good place, I wouldn't want it. I'd rather not have my wife during the lunch quickies if I had any indication at all that she was faking them for my sake.

But there is something here that baffles me about your POV:

You say that a woman's "real" orgasm is nothing like the porn inspired ones apparently all men assume them to be. Fine.

You also say that you don't always fake with your husband. Fine.

What I'm confused about is how your husband is apparently totally ignorant about discerning between your "real" orgasms, and your "fake" ones.

Is he just not very perceptive at all?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

aribabe said:


> A marriage that is so easily thrown away because a woman faked an orgasm is not much of marriage at all imo. Would you also divorce her if she said she ate an apple and turkey sandwich for lunch when she really got fries and a burger? Sheesh....
> 
> As far as I'm concerned, there is no "sexism" in intimacy. I like being submissive when I'm giving oral to my husband, like being called his "little $lut". Is that sexist, I don't think so. Sex is not all about orgasms, its about pleasing your partner, and men are pleased when their wife is shaking and moaning their name. So women do it, what's the big deal?


I'm not talking one faked orgasm. To fake regularly throughout a marriage means that your whole idea of your sex life is built on falsehood. Either deception or your sex life doesn't mean much to you if you think that is ok.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

And that's exactly why your wife would never admit to faking it  of course a woman/ wife wouldn't indicae that she's hyping it up... that would defeat the purpose don't ya think?

Most men, 90% of men in my estimation (especially excessive porn watchers), are unable to discern the difference between a real orgasm and a fake. Because they both can and often do look the same. The moaning, panting, heaving, convulsing are interchangable between a real and fake orgasm. Women fake it even when we really are having real orgasms. Women don't pant, moan loudly and all of that when we masturbate, the "show" we put on is for the benefit of our partenr, its fake. And that's ok. It just makes things confusing for men.

The only physical sign (that can't be faked) that women have when we orgasm is a rapid contracting and releasing of her vaginal walls and pelvic floor that lasts 15 seconds at the most. Penises are not sensitive enough to feel these contractions and the contractions are very short lived, so by and large they go unnoticed by most men. Which is normal. But it mean's that men have to look for other signs that there woman has orgasmed, that is where the "show" comes in. So women hype it up, to "show" him that we've orgasmed. It's really the only way we can show it.

My husband is as perceptive as any other man thats seen porn or had sex with a woman.



jaquen said:


> I can't speak for your husband's needs.
> 
> All I can say is that while the above scenario seems to be for his good, and is coming from a good place, I wouldn't want it. I'd rather not have my wife during the lunch quickies if I had any indication at all that she was faking them for my sake.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I really cant understand whats the point of faking. I mean ive heard why...but i always wondered still what this really accomplishes.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> And that's exactly why your wife would never admit to faking it  of course a woman/ wife wouldn't indicae that she's hyping it up... that would defeat the purpose don't ya think?


Aribabe sometimes I think you have a very jaded view of women, and assume most are as much the liar as you seem to be downright proud you are.



aribabe said:


> Most men, 90% of men in my estimation (especially excessive porn watchers), are unable to discern the difference between a real orgasm and a fake. Because they both can and often do look the same. The moaning, panting, heaving, convulsing are interchangable between a real and fake orgasm. Women fake it even when we really are having real orgasms. Women don't pant, moan loudly and all of that when we masturbate, the "show" we put on is for the benefit of our partenr, its fake. And that's ok. It just makes things confusing for men.


That's not how my wife cums, so I can't even comment on all of that. I've never been with a woman who did anything like you're describing.

Real life orgasms look nothing at all like porn ones. There maybe some confusion over at your place, but there is none over here.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

So I'm gonna guess that when your wife says "baby, do I like fat in this dress" (and she does) You say "yeah babe, you look fat, really fat."

Instead of the more acceptable (to me)

"You look beautiful in that baby, but I bet we can find something that flatters that sexy little body even more"

There are lies and there are LIES imo, and sometimes, even in marriage, you've gotta know when to lie.

I don't know what your definition of "regularly" is but I think 30% or less is fine as far as faking is concerned. Faking it doesn't mean your sex life doesn't mean much to you, imo,its often because it means so much to you that you do.



johnnycomelately said:


> I'm not talking one faked orgasm. To fake regularly throughout a marriage means that your whole idea of your sex life is built on falsehood. Either deception or your sex life doesn't mean much to you if you think that is ok.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

So what does your wife do when she orgasms jaquen? I'm curious. Because I've never heard of a woman orgasming yet doing nothing... that's just a little weird. Even when I'm masturbating, I do something heavy panting and my body "jerks" at the very least. And my toes go numb lol



jaquen said:


> Aribabe sometimes I think you have a very jaded view of women, and assume most are as much the liar as you seem to be downright proud you are.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> And that's exactly why your wife would never admit to faking it  of course a woman/ wife wouldn't indicae that she's hyping it up... that would defeat the purpose don't ya think?


Nice attempt at baiting him. And sorry to say, not all wives behave as you do. You have gotten his wife's response... hell, you have even gotten mine. And yet, you insist that she fakes it for his benefit? Why? What's in it for you?



aribabe said:


> Most men, 90% of men in my estimation (especially excessive porn watchers), are unable to discern the difference between a real orgasm and a fake. Because they both can and often do look the same. The moaning, panting, heaving, convulsing are interchangable between a real and fake orgasm. Women fake it even when we really are having real orgasms. Women don't pant, moan loudly and all of that when we masturbate, the "show" we put on is for the benefit of our partenr, its fake. And that's ok. It just makes things confusing for men.


So... because YOU don't do something when masturbating, that means all women don't? When I did masturbate, I'll admit, I didn't call out his name... he wasn't THERE... HE wasn't doing it. Would be weird to call out my own name, don't ya think? And to call what we women do a "show" because we actually react to what our husbands do to/for us... sigh....



aribabe said:


> The only physical sign (that can't be faked) that women have when we orgasm is a rapid contracting and releasing of her vaginal walls and pelvic floor that lasts 15 seconds at the most. Penises are not sensitive enough to feel these contractions and the contractions are very short lived, so by and large they go unnoticed by most men. Which is normal. But it mean's that men have to look for other signs that there woman has orgasmed, that is where the "show" comes in. So women hype it up, to "show" him that we've orgasmed. It's really the only way we can show it.
> 
> My husband is as perceptive as any other man thats seen porn or had sex with a woman.


Apparently not... my husband viewed porn in his teens. He knows all of mine are real.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Honestly, if you've got a great sex life, and you two are making it work, there is zero need to fake. Period.

If you're faking, then your man isn't handling his business as best he can, and you're foolishly letting him go on in ignorance.

The end result is you don't get yours as often as you can, and his dumbass is sitting around thinking falsely that he's the king of your castle.

The best way to get the best out of a man is to never fake. Ever. Keep it real, let him learn ALL the ways to get you satisfied, and the notion of faking it will fly out the window.

I think anybody (not just you Aribabe) who is advocating the "positive" benefits of faking it are not only fooling their spouses, but they're fooling their own damn selves.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

There's nothing in it for me, I'm not in their bed lol. I'm just giving my opinion like everyone else. I know that all wives aren't like me, you're clearly not. And I can respect that.

I do "do" something when I masturbate, that's why I find it odd that Jaquen's wife does nothing when she orgasms. I assumed all women did something. And yes, all the screaming and loud moaning is a show, that soesnt mean it doesn't genuinely feel good to you though.



Maricha75 said:


> Nice attempt at baiting him. And sorry to say, not all wives behave as you do. You have gotten his wife's response... hell, you have even gotten mine. And yet, you insist that she fakes it for his benefit? Why? What's in it for you?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> So what does your wife do when she orgasms jaquen? I'm curious. Because I've never heard of a woman orgasming yet doing nothing... that's just a little weird. Even when I'm masturbating, I do something heavy panting and my body "jerks" at the very least. And my toes go numb lol
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I say "none of that", I'm talking about the toe curling, heavy moaning, deep panting, screaming, PORN orgasms you say that men are too stupid to notice differentiates from the real thing.

When my wife cums her body language does change, but in subtle ways. The breathing becomes more rapid, her body shutters (but doesn't shake), and her soft moans pick up. If she cums particularly hard, then the body language is a bit more excited, and she'll stiffen up, but never a "porn" orgasm. 

I personally love to hear her say "I'm cumming", that excites me. Sometimes however she forgets, and if I notice the subtle changes in her body language that let me know it's happening, I'll ask "Are you cumming", or tell her to say it because I love hearing those words.

One time I gave her a regular, plain old back massage, and five minutes into it her body language changed, and I said "Are you...are you cumming???", and she sheepishly said "Yes". She almost didn't want me to know, because it was NOT that kind of massage. Again, I could tell something was happening, but a man who doesn't know my wife would have had ZERO idea.

There is no huge, enormous, radical difference between her general pleasure during sexual activity, and her moments of orgasm. 

The biggest sign that she's cum TOO much (typically over 3 times) is that she becomes pretty much comatose. If I don't stop, she'll be rendered useless for about a half hour to an hour. She can barely move.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jaquen, your wife is a good woman/lover from what you've described. I honestly don't even think you should worry/think about/consider whether it's "enhanced" or not. Because, like I've said before, it doesn't even matter ultimately. Sex is about pleasing your partner, and you sound like a very pleased man




jaquen said:


> When I say "none of that", I'm talking about the toe curling, heavy moaning, deep panting, screaming, PORN orgasms you say that men are too stupid to notice differentiates from the real thing.
> 
> When my wife cums her body language does change, but in subtle ways. The breathing becomes more rapid, her body shutters (but doesn't shake), and her soft moans pick up. If she cums particularly hard, then the body language is a bit more excited, and she'll stiffen up, but never a "porn" orgasm.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Jaquen, your wife is a good woman/lover from what you've described. I honestly don't even think you should worry/think about/consider whether it's "enhanced" or not. Because, like I've said before, it doesn't even matter ultimately. Sex is about pleasing your partner, and you sound like a very pleased man
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do not, nor ever have, felt the need to "worry/think about/consider whether it's "enhanced" or not". 

It's neither faked, nor "enhanced". Your responses are baffling to me simply because you continue to lace every one of your responses to me regarding this subject matter with some not-so-subtle suggestion that my wife is, like you, a liar.

This isn't the first time we've crossed this bridge either. For some bizarre reason, that goes well beyond my comprehension, you seem convinced that my wife is likely lying to me, at least part of the time. Bunching up all of your posts to me on the matter, you don't inherently believe she could be as orgasmic as she factually is. You don't believe she cums everytime from vaginal sex (she does), that she's cum a couple times off giving me a BJ (she has), or that she doesn't need direct clitoral glans stimulation to orgasm (she doesn't). It's not even my desire to win you over, but you are, in essence, labeling her a liar, and me a fool.

This I find...odd. You don't inhabit my wife's body, but yet you remain, on some level, convinced that you know how it works.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I think that's great jaquen, I honestly do. That you "do not, nor ever have, felt the need to "worry/think about/consider whether it's "enhanced" or not". Because that would be annoying for anyone to dwell on while they're getting down and dirty with their spouse.

I haven't labeled your wife a liar, and I don't think she is a liar anymore than I believe I am. And I certanly don't think you're a fool, anymore than i'd consider my own husband a fool. From what you've described, the only thing I think about your marriage is the same thing I think about my own marriage, that you and your wife have what I would consider a normal, healthy,happily married sex life where both parties feel fulfilled and satisfied. What more could you ask for.



jaquen said:


> I do not, nor ever have, felt the need to "worry/think about/consider whether it's "enhanced" or not".
> 
> It's neither faked, nor "enhanced". Your responses are baffling to me simply because you continue to lace every one of your responses to me regarding this subject matter with some not-so-subtle suggestion that my wife is, like you, a liar.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I haven't labeled your wife a liar, and I don't think she is a liar anymore than I believe I am. And I certanly don't think you're a fool, anymore than i'd consider my own husband a fool. From what you've described, the only thing I think about your marriage is the same thing I think about my own marriage, that you and your wife have what I would consider a normal, healthy,happily married sex life where both parties feel fulfilled and satisfied. What more could you ask for.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If my marriage was like yours, yes under those circumstances I would consider my wife a liar, and myself a fool.

What you're advocating works well for _your_ marriage. I respect that if all parties involved are fine with it. If you seriously don't believe your husband would take much issue with you lying to him 30% of the time, then more power to him, and you. I mean that. It's about whatever works for you guys.

It, however, is unacceptable in our marriage. The reason my wife reacted so strongly earlier, and was up in arms over your assumptions about HER body, and character, is that both of us vehemently disagree with the tenants you're espousing as perfectly acceptable. Those tenants would be considered akin to betrayal in our marriage, and are, again speaking only for us, deplorable.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I feel like I'm sort of going around in circles now... so I won't repeat my thoughts about your situation with your wife. Because ultmately, it really is irrelevant. I'm just a random housewife after all lol.

Here's what I know for certain because I'm "talking" to you: You're satisfied with your sex life and feel pleased and happy in the bedroom. And you've got a wife that loves you and wants to continue making you feel that way. And there's not a whole lot that is better than that.



jaquen said:


> If my marriage was like yours, yes under those circumstances I would consider my wife a liar, and myself a fool.
> 
> What you're advocating works well for _your_ marriage. I respect that if all parties involved are fine with it. If you seriously don't believe your husband would take much issue with you lying to him 30% of the time, then more power to him, and you. I mean that. It's about whatever works for you guys.
> 
> It, however, is unacceptable in our marriage. The reason my wife reacted so strongly earlier, and was up in arms over your assumptions about HER body, and character, is that both of us vehemently disagree with the tenants you're espousing as perfectly acceptable. Those tenants would be considered akin to betrayal in our marriage, and are, again speaking only for us, deplorable.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> If my marriage was like yours, yes under those circumstances I would consider my wife a liar, and myself a fool.
> 
> What you're advocating works well for _your_ marriage. I respect that if all parties involved are fine with it. If you seriously don't believe your husband would take much issue with you lying to him 30% of the time, then more power to him, and you. I mean that. It's about whatever works for you guys.
> 
> It, however, is unacceptable in our marriage. The reason my wife reacted so strongly earlier, and was up in arms over your assumptions about HER body, and character, is that both of us vehemently disagree with the tenants you're espousing as perfectly acceptable. Those tenants would be considered akin to betrayal in our marriage, and are, again speaking only for us, deplorable.


Not just you and your wife, Jaquen...the same applies to my husband and myself as well. We have had our own issues with secrets, which blew up into lies. And no, Aribabe, before you ask, none of it revolved around orgasms nor his lack of libido due to medications. But there were other issues.

Lying 30% of the time is not ok with us. And I am not dumb enough to ask a question like "does this make me look fat?"...because I know the answer..."no, the clothes don't make you look fat...it's your body." I don't ask him such stupid questions because I KNOW I am. And lying 1/3 of the time... no, that would never fly for us. In OUR minds, in OUR marriage, it brands me/him/us liars, plain and simple. And that is not conducive to a healthy, happy marriage.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I feel like I'm sort of going around in circles now... so I won't repeat my thoughts about your situation with your wife. Because ultmately, it really is irrelevant. I'm just a random housewife after all lol.
> 
> Here's what I know for certain because I'm "talking" to you: You're satisfied with your sex life and feel pleased and happy in the bedroom. And you've got a wife that loves you and wants to continue making you feel that way. And there's not a whole lot that is better than that.
> 
> ...


I think what got Jaquen (and his wife and myself for that matter) riled up was your assumption that because you fake orgasms, you seemed to assume that every woman does it, even if they don't admit it. Both Jaquen (and his wife) and I tried to explain that it doesn't work that way in OUR marriages, but you still attempted to needle, especially, him. Again, this was our observations and we don't understand why it seemed so important to you that we (meaning his wife and myself) fake it at times (or should) when we tried explaining that our marriages didn't work like that.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Oh my god maricha, this post has me laughing so hard right now! Lol

I can imagine me asking my husband "does this dress make me look fat..." and him responding with "no, the dress doesn't make you look fat, it's your fat body that makes you look so fat." I would be so mad at him if he said that lol. I'm gonna tell him about this later and reaffirm my desire to have things sugar coated for my self esteem lol. I'm not fat, but if I was, I wouldn't want him to say that lol.

I think that whatever works for your marriage is exactly what you should do maricha. You are hilarious!



Maricha75 said:


> Not just you and your wife, Jaquen...the same applies to my husband and myself as well. We have had our own issues with secrets, which blew up into lies. And no, Aribabe, before you ask, none of it revolved around orgasms nor his lack of libido due to medications. But there were other issues.
> 
> Lying 30% of the time is not ok with us. And I am not dumb enough to ask a question like "does this make me look fat?"...because I know the answer..."no, the clothes don't make you look fat...it's your body." I don't ask him such stupid questions because I KNOW I am. And lying 1/3 of the time... no, that would never fly for us. In OUR minds, in OUR marriage, it brands me/him/us liars, plain and simple. And that is not conducive to a healthy, happy marriage.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Oh my god maricha, this post has me laughing so hard right now! Lol
> 
> I can imagine me asking my husband "does this dress make me look fat..." and him responding with "no, the dress doesn't make you look fat, it's your fat body that makes you look so fat." I would be so mad at him if he said that lol. I'm gonna tell him about this later and reaffirm my desire to have things sugar coated for my self esteem lol. I'm not fat, but if I was, I wouldn't want him to say that lol.
> 
> ...


Sigh...as expected, you completely missed the point. 

I don't ask stupid questions because I prefer not getting stupid, sugar-coated answers. He NEVER says that to me. But thanks for giving me permission to keep staying honest with my husband. Much appreciated. :smthumbup:


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

*Re: .*



aribabe said:


> But what if the feeling behind the show is not physical pleasure... but emotional pleasure like love.
> 
> My husband likes to have a quickie during his lunch break about once a week. Quickies are not pleasurable to me, I need the foreplay, 30+ minutes to really orgasm and feel like I'm "in heaven". But I love my husband and I know he "needs" the quickies and he also "needs" to feel like I'm loving every minute of the 15 minutes it takes. So though I rarely/never orgasm during quickies, my husbnd wouldn't know it. Because I scream his name, pull at the sheets, body convulses in "orgasm" and my husband gets to go back to work feeling like the man who just put it down on his wife and left her in sexual bliss. If that's not a boost to his day, I don't know what could be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


....Acctually being the guy who can do to his wife what your husband thinks he can do to you...

I'm not saying that sex without orgasming isnt pleasurable, but there is a difference between having sex and knowing you are truly rocking your wifes world. 

This is a subject I have some experience wirh... About three months into our marriage my wife told my she had faked most of her orgasms with me. We were young, virgins and I had a pretty quick gun. She told me and I told her not to rob herself of pleasure that way. Why would she lead me to believe she was fulfilled when she was wanting more. I didn't know any better than what she told me. 

After 13 years of marriage I know her body in n out, I made sure I knew how to take care of her in every way. I've trained myself to last longer, way longer, even though she likes to make me cum fast sometimes, it makes her feel, like she's so sexy I can't handel it, and sometimes I can't... but I know when she's cumming, I know when it's going to take a bit longer, I know how to push her buttons. Now in a 20 min quickie, I can get her to cum at least 3 times. She cums when she goes down on me, she cums when I go down on her, she cums many ways and I've learned how to tell whats going on with her body, when something isn't working n so on. What good would faking it do. And I'm not saying it doesn't feel good, but I take pleasure in pleasing my wife, why rob that form him and ultimatly yourself. Maybe if he knew, he'd drive himself to know what drives you wild, but then if he looses intrest in making you cum after he does, he wouldn't... I don't know. 

All I'm saying is that I'd hate it if my wife kept me from desiring to push myself because what I did was good enough. Who knows what we would've missed.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Well yeah, I do think mrs. jaquen fakes it relatively regularly(especially the "I put his di*k in my mouth and it made me "o" part) that sounds like an erotic fairytale for a man lol. But , she may very well not. I certainly don't know. What I do know is that perception is reality.

Do I believe most/all women fake orgasm now and again, yeah I do. Do I believe you have also faked an orgasm or two maricha, yeah I do.

But ultimately, honestly, it really doesn't matter what I think. I mean I've been called a deceitful liar more than a few times on this thread, that certainly doesn't make me one.



Maricha75 said:


> I think what got Jaquen (and his wife and myself for that matter) riled up was your assumption that because you fake orgasms, you seemed to assume that every woman does it, even if they don't admit it. Both Jaquen (and his wife) and I tried to explain that it doesn't work that way in OUR marriages, but you still attempted to needle, especially, him. Again, this was our observations and we don't understand why it seemed so important to you that we (meaning his wife and myself) fake it at times (or should) when we tried explaining that our marriages didn't work like that.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, well alright, I'm glad he doesn't say that to you. Because that is so mean to say somebody, you can't go around calling people fat... lol

We're just different people maricha, and that's ok, I like sugar coated answers sometimes, you never do. No one's right, no one's wrong.



Maricha75 said:


> Sigh...as expected, you completely missed the point.
> 
> I don't ask stupid questions because I prefer not getting stupid, sugar-coated answers. He NEVER says that to me. But thanks for giving me permission to keep staying honest with my husband. Much appreciated. :smthumbup:


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Do I believe most/all women fake orgasm now and again, yeah I do. Do I believe you have also faked an orgasm or two maricha, yeah I do.


I have to say, I do believe the majority of women do fake it. I know my sister used to with her ex-husband. But she also has informed me that she has no need, no DESIRE to do this with her current husband? Why? Because she actually LOVES this husband. She didn't truly love her first husband (by her own admission), and that made all the difference for her. Same with me. I love my husband completely, which is why I decided LONG ago that I would never fake it. So, sorry if you cannot fathom this, but not ALL women fake it. We have no desire to do that to ourselves nor to our husbands. And I have held to this. I never have, and I never will. It doesn't benefit either of us.



aribabe said:


> But ultimately, honestly, it really doesn't matter what I think. I mean I've been called a deceitful liar more than a few times on this thread, that certainly doesn't make me one.


Again, if I were to do what you do, it would make me a liar in MY marriage. It really isn't worth it in my opinion.

Look, you can believe whatever you want about me. The only two that matter are my husband and myself. He knows I don't fake it. I know I don't fake it...what you think is irrelevant.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

It sounds to me like you are a happy and satisfied husband, sexually anyway. So kudos to you and to your wife, I mean that. Ultmately that's all we can ask for.



IAMCIV said:


> ....Acctually being the guy who can do to his wife what your husband thinks he can do to you...
> 
> I'm not saying that sex without orgasming isnt pleasurable, but there is a difference between having sex and knowing you are truly rocking your wifes world.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And I am not dumb enough to ask a question like "does this make me look fat?"...because I know the answer..."no, the clothes don't make you look fat...it's your body." I don't ask him such stupid questions because I KNOW I am.


:lol::lol::lol:

So true! I just realized that my wife has never asked me that question. I just said that to her, and she said oh I find another way to ask. When I ask you "Is this flattering", that's my way of asking "Do I look fat in this". :rofl:

She knows that I'm not going to lie, so she doesn't even ask the question that way. I wouldn't be cruel, but if she looks jacked up in an outfit, it's my job to say "Baby, you can do better".


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Well yeah, I do think mrs. jaquen fakes it relatively regularly(especially the "I put his di*k in my mouth and it made me "o" part) that sounds like an erotic fairytale for a man lol. But , she may very well not. I certainly don't know. What I do know is that perception is reality.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife regularlly goes down on me until she cums, then we move on to other things. It's on of the most pleasuarble things I could imagine. Without any stimulation to other parts of her body, I might add, although sometimes she places her hands down there, which I also love. 

It does happen.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I totally agree, couldn't have said it better myself 



Maricha75 said:


> The only two that matter are my husband and myself. He knows I don't fake it. I know I don't fake it...what you think is irrelevant.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I have to say, this conversation turned hilarious.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

She "o's" and then she gets to move on to other things...
That doesn't strike you as being mildly coincidental?

It seem's so/too/very clear to me that she's pretending... but I really would prefer not to rehash this again.



IAMCIV said:


> My wife regularlly goes down on me until she cums, then we move on to other things. It's on of the most pleasuarble things I could imagine. Without any stimulation to other parts of her body, I might add, although sometimes she places her hands down there, which I also love.
> 
> It does happen.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> It seem's so/too/very clear to me that she's pretending...


Of course it does. She's obviously pretending because you don't do it, right? 



aribabe said:


> but I really would prefer not to rehash this again.


Then don't...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Of course it does. She's obviously pretending because you don't do it, right?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Well yeah, I do think mrs. jaquen fakes it relatively regularly(especially the "I put his di*k in my mouth and it made me "o" part) that sounds like an erotic fairytale for a man lol. But , she may very well not. I certainly don't know. What I do know is that perception is reality.


Oh yeah, my wife totally woke up, several years into our marriage of this not happening, and decided to fake an "erotic fantasy" that I never even once expressed desiring. Yep, that convincing little witch, she really got me.

:rofl:

*My wife:* Don't make me have to come stab her. [_We laugh_] It's not my fault that she can't experience what I can. Frankly this person just sounds bitter, bitter, bitter. I'm wondering if knows what it's like to be truly connected to her husband. And I just don't think some of these posters are taking into account what might be highly excitable for one person, isn't for another.



aribabe said:


> But ultimately, honestly, it really doesn't matter what I think.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that, my dear Aribabe, is a truth I can stand behind.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Hmmm 



jaquen said:


> my wife totally woke up, several years into our marriage of this not happening, and decided to fake an "erotic fantasy"


We are in absolute agreement though jaquen, I really don't believe my opinion is relevant to you/your wife/your sex life


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Hmmm
> 
> 
> 
> We are in absolute agreement though jaquen, I really don't believe my opinion is relevant to you/your wife/your sex life


Oh it's not, but you do have us cracking the hell up over here. Please don't stop!

:rofl:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Well that's good lol, I try to bring a little light, and laughter, to everyone's life when I can 



jaquen said:


> Oh it's not, but you do have us cracking the hell up over here. Please don't stop!
> 
> :rofl:


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I must say I'm having a hard time believing women orgasm from giving bj's. I won't say your wives are faking, but it's certainly not the norm, for sure.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IAMCIV said:


> My wife regularlly goes down on me until she cums, then we move on to other things. It's on of the most pleasuarble things I could imagine. Without any stimulation to other parts of her body, I might add, although sometimes she places her hands down there, which I also love.
> 
> It does happen.



It's super hot, right? The first time it happened with my wife I was floored, and she was surprised. We had never experienced that.

Doesn't happen often at all with us, it's quite rare, but it's so welcome when it does. And when it happens she lets it wash over her, and keeps going until I get mine.

Win-win for all. :smthumbup:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, oh my goodness...norajane. I don't know why I found this post to be so funny :rofl:

I think I need to take a nap lol, its been a long day



norajane said:


> I must say I'm having a hard time believing women orgasm from giving bj's. I won't say your wives are faking, but it's certainly not the norm, for sure.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> It's super hot, right? The first time it happened with my wife I was floored, and she was surprised. We had never experienced that.
> 
> Doesn't happen often at all with us, it's quite rare, but it's so welcome when it does. And when it happens she lets it wash over her, and keeps going until I get mine.
> 
> Win-win for all. :smthumbup:


While this hasn't happened to me.... it has definitely heightened my arousal. And, it is possible that had he not cum when he did a few of those times, I could see that happening for me too lol. So far, though, no dice. But it's a nice goal for sure!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> While this hasn't happened to me.... it has definitely heightened my arousal. And, it is possible that had he not cum when he did a few of those times, I could see that happening for me too lol. So far, though, no dice. But it's a nice goal for sure!


I think it only happens for women who absolutely love, and are deeply turned on, by giving a man head. My wife, for examples, loves to do this. I don't need to ask for a BJ, she just does them because SHE, first and foremost, loves doing them. I've been woken in the night on rare occasion with her going to town. 

So I think she's able because:

A. We have a very, very potent sexual-emotional connection.
B. She's very excitable within our marriage.
C. She actually enjoys the action for own sake, not mine.

I think this could happen to someone like you, who is genuinely aroused by the act. For us, a blow job is NOT just a tease before the main event; sometimes it is the main event period. However, in my experience, a lot of women seem to only give BJs because their husbands and boyfriends want it. Under those conditions, when you're giving a BJ primarily FOR someone one, and not your own enjoyment, it will _never_ happen.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

*Re: .*



IAMCIV said:


> She cums when she goes down on me,


You married Linda Lovelace!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Aribabe's theme song?

Fakin' it - Simon and Garfunkel - YouTube


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

*Re: .*



johnnycomelately said:


> You married Linda Lovelace!


OH. MY. Gosh :yay:

i can't even.... :rofl:


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

norajane said:


> I must say I'm having a hard time believing women orgasm from giving bj's. I won't say your wives are faking, but it's certainly not the norm, for sure.


Oh I can have an O when I give my Husband a BJ......






One hand on his tool & one hand on my tool


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Aribabe's theme song?
> 
> Fakin' it - Simon and Garfunkel - YouTube



*Dead*


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I think it only happens for women who absolutely love, and are deeply turned on, by giving a man head. My wife, for examples, loves to do this. I don't need to ask for a BJ, she just does them because SHE, first and foremost, loves doing them. I've been woken in the night on rare occasion with her going to town.
> 
> So I think she's able because:
> 
> ...


I so want to achieve this :smthumbup: Being fairly new (at an older age) to BJ's I can see how it happens with the right person.
I am at a point with my man that I just can't wait to give him a BJ, the thought of it turns me on.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> She "o's" and then she gets to move on to other things...
> That doesn't strike you as being mildly coincidental?
> 
> It seem's so/too/very clear to me that she's pretending... but I really would prefer not to rehash this again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, then lets not. However, I must say I'm so glad its clear to you how my wifes body reacts to my own or my touch. It's clear to me, you can't imagine it, haven't experienced it so therefore its clear my wife is faking.... nevermind all the other ways she orgasms. Or fakes her orgasms I should say. 

To jaquen, yes it is an amazing experience. The first time it happened I was like oh whoa... what was that. Like the moaning surrounding you, coming not from the mouth but deep inside. Mmmm mmm.

I think it's silly, me anonymously describing and defending the activities that I know so personally well. And just a couple other ways she fakes, might as well go all out.

She cums from giving me a hand job or blow job, t*t f**k, vaginally through intercourse, (missionary, doggy- but have to be careful, her on top, her on a table...) or orally, also from me licking and caressing her breast, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out, oh yes licking her legs and thighs, without going for the honey pot probably more too. I've try to give her as many orgasms as possible, usually after three she's done, nine is the record for us. Don't fit for anal, tried once, she said no way. I'm beyond happy with all the other stuff I get sooo....

I will say this, a lot of these uncommon orgasms, were not common early in out relationship. As we grew closer and learned each other better they've become common. And I think Jaquen is right, it's about the connection. Before, if she was going down on me she'd complain her jaw hurt, or was sore, now that were more connected, she'll suck me till she cums once or twice, but I usually blow during her second if she's going for a twofer. 

I know how lucky I am, by the way. But of course it's clear to you how my wife reacts to me. Thank god its clear to me too.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

I don't mean to be harsh, but I was floored when my wife said she was faking, it cut me deep. All I knew is what she told me. So, I set out to make sure I rocked her world everytime I touched her and by her being honest, over the last 13 years we've become amazing connected and know each others buttons. I'm not saying I'm a great lover or whatever, just commited to making my wife feel as good as possible. And I wouldn't know that unless I knew what she felt. It isn't always perfect, but if its honest, there is always something to learn. 

Maybe with another woman, I'd be terrible in bed. I don't want to ever know. All I've known is my wife and I hope I die saying the same.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IAMCIV said:


> She cums from giving me a hand job or blow job, t*t f**k, vaginally through intercourse, (missionary, doggy- but have to be careful, her on top, her on a table...) or orally, also from me licking and caressing her breast, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out, oh yes licking her legs and thighs, without going for the honey pot probably more too. I've try to give her as many orgasms as possible, usually after three she's done, nine is the record for us. Don't fit for anal, tried once, she said no way. I'm beyond happy with all the other stuff I get sooo....


I think your wife and mine must be sexual sisters.

I think my wife and I's deep emotional/spiritual connection fuels her sexuality. This helps make her extremely orgasmic.

_(People who have trouble with frank sexual talk, skip the rest of this post)_

The go-to ways to bring my wife to orgasm, over and over again, are via vaginal penetration (penis or fingers), anal play (can't really penetrate, but she loves being stimulated around and an inch or so in), and breast play(nipple sucking and titty ****ing). These are the go-to ways. 

She's cum other ways, but these are very rare for us so far. Handsfree while giving a BJ. Via phone sex once without touching herself. During a back and neck massage.

She is unlike your wife, and most women, in that clitoral stimulation does nothing to her. 

She is multi-orgasmic, and has had more than 12 in a session. This is rare because, like your wife, after 3 she's usually out-of-business and totally comatose.

Yes she thinks I'm a spectacular lover, but I think we both are aware that our intense sexual connection is what largely fuels her ability to release, and get lost in pleasure to the point where she's, apparently, a very rare anomaly. 




IAMCIV said:


> I know how lucky I am, by the way. But of course it's clear to you how my wife reacts to me. Thank god its clear to me too.


Exactly. I think it needs to be reiterated that I too know exactly what I have in her, how rare it is, and how blessed I am to have her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> As a woman, I refuse to fake orgasms. It really does neither of us any good. If I were to fake it, he'd think he was hitting it just right when, in fact, it just isn't working. I would rather just say "Babe, it's not happening this time. I'm enjoying the attention and the sex, but I'm just not going to orgasm. We'll get it next time." And we do.


Yes! I faked with exes because they would keep going and going and omg...even if I said it wasn't going ot happen, they would still want to try, and I was done with sex. lol. If it hasn't happened in 20-30 minutes for me, it's not happening. So I'd fake it to get them off. Bug. :rofl: 

I haven't faked with my husband. If it's not going ot happen, then oh well, I don't even mind if I don't. I like sex and intimacy and all of that, but I don't HAVE to orgasm, and H knows it's not about him. Ever since my 2nd baby, it's a bit more difficult...less sensation down there.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Not sure I really understand what the fuss is about with this thread. If she wants to fake it, knock yourself out. None of my business. She's the one that misses out. Not you. 

Just go ahead and enjoy.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Aribabe, you are brave for admitting you fake it sometimes and I think the reaction you are getting is because it's a huge fear of most people that they aren't actually pleasing their partner and all the blowback you are getting is because everyone knows that it could be true. I'm not calling anyone in this thread a liar but anyone in this thread could be and them and their partner might never ever know.


Aribabe has made some strong, relevant points.

She's getting a lot of "blowback" in this thread however when she insists that women who say they don't fake it, and men who know their wives well enough to know they don't fake it, all lying. Hell *Maricha75* straight up said, ad nausum, that she never fakes it with her husband, and Aribabe STILL said the woman is lying. I won't even get started on my wife. You can't come up on people you don't know, and have never met, and make declarations about how their bodies, and marriages work, despite statements made to the contrary, and not expect some "blowback".

I think women who have trouble orgasming, women who are accustomed to faking, or who can only cum in one way, might potentially be totally unable to grasp that not all women need to climb mountains, cross deserts, and sail the seven seas to cum. If it's totally outside of one's realm of experience, then yes, it might be very tempting to slap a "you must be lying" label on all things that you can't fathom. Aribabe, and others, stand in disbelief because they are outside of their realm of experience, and apparently, possiblity.

But no, everyone is not lying. Everyone in here is not "afraid" that Aribabe is right. Let's get real. That is not the reason people are coming back at her.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Oh Maricha75, you'll love this exchange between the wife and I from a couple hours ago.

*Me:* Come on, lets have sex.
*Wife:* No, you know I have to go the gym in a bit.
*Me: *Come on, we can make it quick!
*Wife:* No! I don't want to get started and not finish.
*Me:* Hey, you could always fake it...
*Wife:* [_without skipping a beat_] Oh yeah. Why don't you just touch me and make me cum. Apparently that's all it takes.
[_Offers me her arm_]
*Me:* I don't need to touch you woman, I can just blow you a kiss and that'll do the job.
[_I blow her a kiss]_
*Wife:* Oh yeah baby, that's it!
[_Badly fakes an orgasm_]
[_We both crack up_]


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Love your avatar pic FrenchFry 

I totally agree that there is alot of ego tied into women being able to make a woman "o". Even is this thread, the angst about it is practically palpable. And i find it funny that there are so few women on this thread... i think it's because most women know that it's better not to "go there" with men about real/fake orgasms.

Men really can't tell the difference a between real and fake for the most part. It's not their fault, our bodies just don't put on much of a show when we "O". 

I think that a few of the guys on this thread are living in a very delusional reality and feel happiest and sexiest there because in that reality their their wife can "o" from a foot rub, back massage, penis in her mouth, belly buttoned touched, thighs touched, legs touched, scalp massage, I believe jaquen said he we able to make his wife "O" without even being in the same room... it's just...delusional .

Ultimately though, perception is reality... So, that's that.

off of that soapbox now....:soapbox:

I faked most orgasms before my husband as well lol. I was dating this 50+ year old with the tiniest you know what, but i made him feel like it was an anaconda lol. He was great at oral though, didn't have to fake that :smthumbup:

Do you ever fake it with your husband frenchfry, or do you always tell him that you didnt "finish", when you don't?



FrenchFry said:


> Between all the banter I think a couple interesting points came up.
> 
> I think *AriBabe* is totally correct in that some men have no idea when a woman is faking or not, especially if she is a good actress or is able to put on a good show. I think she's also correct that some men *expect* a show to prove that he has done a great job.
> 
> ...


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

I have faked in the past when I was younger and dumber and didn't even know what an orgasm felt like. Once I had one, I stopped that crap. LOL

I have never faked it with my husband in the almost 12 years we've been together. I know husbands take great pride in pleasing their wives and orgasm are a big part of that pride. So I would never "lie" to him by faking it. If it's not happening, it's not happening. It does me no good by faking it and making him think that something that don't work does.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Love your avatar pic FrenchFry


Yeah, French definitely has the dopest avatar on this board.



aribabe said:


> I think that a few of the guys on this thread are living in a very delusional reality and feel happiest and sexiest there because in that reality their their wife can "o" from a foot rub, back massage, penis in her mouth, belly buttoned touched, thighs touched, legs touched, scalp massage, I believe jaquen said he we able to make his wife "O" without even being in the same room... it's just...delusional .


Now I'm _delusional_???

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Jesus, come and take us.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

She really does right? It's so dope :smthumbup: Makes me think of a hip, sexy, 1970's India Arie with a fro. I am stealing that pic, i am.



jaquen said:


> Yeah, French definitely has the dopest avatar on this board.





jaquen said:


> Now I'm _delusional_???


Perception is reality jaquen. So you're no more delusional than you believe you are


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

You know what's supremely ironic to me about me being labeled a delusional fool who is married to the best liar in the world (even though she can't lie for **** in any other arena, and is one of the worst actors I've ever met, and I would know, because I'm a professional actor)?

The first time I ever came with another person besides myself was my first girlfriend, at 18. And I was so turned on I came, handsfree, from eating her out. Now how rare is that?

But who knows, maybe my deluded ass imagined all of that too.


:rofl:


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> You know what's supremely ironic to me about me being labeled a delusional fool who is married to the best liar in the world (even though she can't lie for **** in any other arena, and is one of the worst actors I've ever met, and I would know, because I'm a professional actor)?
> 
> The first time I ever came with another person besides myself was my first girlfriend, at 18. And I was so turned on I came, handsfree, from eating her out. Now how rare is that?
> 
> ...


I won't call you or your wife a liar Jaquen. All I'll say is....It's just hard for some of us to fathom some of the things you describe. Because apparently your wife is an extremely rare bird.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

well.... :rofl:



jaquen said:


> But who knows, maybe my deluded ass imagined all of that too.
> :rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I won't call you or your wife a liar Jaquen. All I'll say is....It's just hard for some of us to fathom some of the things you describe. Because apparently your wife is an extremely rare bird.


Agreed! She is rare... but awesome. :smthumbup:
And at least I have a few more ladies backing me up now.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I won't call you or your wife a liar Jaquen. All I'll say is....It's just hard for some of us to fathom some of the things you describe. Because apparently your wife is an extremely rare bird.


She absolutely is. Absolutely. I've never encountered anything like her in my real life, and her friends are likewise in awe when she tells them about our sex life. She, on the other hand, doesn't think of it as any big deal. It's just the way she, and we, are. She doesn't dwell at all on how unique she is.

I don't have a single problem with anybody looking at one of my posts and going "yeah right". I know exactly how they look to the uninformed, and out of touch. If, for example, the only way you can reach orgasm is through oral sex, it might be very hard to fathom a woman who can reach it through nipple sucking, or no touch at all (which actually has been studied and proven scientifically). I get the knee jerk disbelief; ignorance is part of life.

But there is a difference between some skepticism, and some of the other nonsense that has crept into this conversation. It's starting to look like pathetic, sour grapes to me at this point.

At the end of the day, however, the two of us up in this house know exactly what's going on. So it doesn't matter one iota, a point Aribabe has made, and I agree with.

It's just hard for me to keep my fingertips silent in general. They have big mouths of their own!


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I can totally understand why some women fake it. Because most men feel bad/disappointed when their partner doesn't climax. Sure, a man might decide it is "okay" that she didn't get to climax that time, but it would have been better if she would have climaxed, right?

I'm currently going through this with my husband. He literally feels depressed sometimes because I'm having trouble orgasming. Sometimes I think it is more important to HIM than to me that I climax. Would I like to climax? Of course! But I still feel that I can have a meaningful relationship with my husband without having an orgasm. However, he feels sad about it, and I really think that he takes it personally. SO, I have been tempted to "fake it" with him. I certainly don't want him to feel like he is less of a man because his wife doesn't climax when having sex with him. I've assured him that it is not his fault, but I don't think he believes me.

I do think many women fake orgasms. For the exact same reasons I described above. One of the things that turns men on the most when having sex is seeing their partner experience sexual pleasure. Why do men like porn so much? Probably because the woman LOVES everything he does to her. That is the ultimate fantasy, right?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

omg, extremely, lol :rofl:

am i the only one picking up on the hilarousness of this?:rofl:




HopelesslyJaded said:


> I won't call you or your wife a liar Jaquen. All I'll say is....It's just hard for some of us to fathom some of the things you describe. Because apparently your wife is an *extremely* rare bird.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> omg, extremely, lol :rofl:
> 
> am i the only one picking up on the hilarousness of this?:rofl:


So...it's hilarious because Jaded pointed out that Mrs. Jaquen is an extremely rare woman? As if it's impossible that someone so rare can exist? Whatever


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Getting mocked for having an amazing sex life, with an amazingly sexual, orgasmic woman, this is the best way to be mocked though.

It's like getting mocked because you have too much money, too big of a penis, or too much career success!

It's just all kinds of amazing to have something in your reality so wonderful, and rare, that others actually can't (or won't) believe it. It's the embodiment of "too good to be true", and if you live that reality; wow. That is to be both cherish, and be humbled by.

It's actually just sparking me to me more grateful, and thankful, to God for what I have. I knew she was rare, but not until coming to TAM, and getting these kind of responses, did I know it was all THAT rare. 

And I'm not even talking just about sex. I'm taking about marriage, period. It's golden. She's golden. She is, quite literally, the very best.

:smthumbup:


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I won't call you or your wife a liar Jaquen. All I'll say is....It's just hard for some of us to fathom some of the things you describe. Because apparently your wife is an extremely rare bird.


I agree. It's very hard for me to fathom as a woman who has struggled for years to orgasm. I'm also not calling Mrs. Jaquen a liar, but I do feel skepticism-- like HOW is that even possible for a woman to have an orgasm from having a backrub??

How is it that some women orgasm SO easily while others struggle and struggle. I'm sorry, but it's NOT just a mental thing. I don't buy the "we just have this amazing connection." My husband and I also have an amazing connection. We can read each other like a favorite book. 

Maybe some women just have this perfect mix of hormones that allows them to climax with very little stimulation. Whatever it is, I'm jealous.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I can totally understand why some women fake it. Because most men feel bad/disappointed when their partner doesn't climax. Sure, a man might decide it is "okay" that she didn't get to climax that time, but it would have been better if she would have climaxed, right?
> 
> *You have a very good point momtwo4, it's really not "ok" with most men that their wife/woman didnt "o". Its important to him that she does (good men/lovers care i believe). And of course her having an orgasm is alway better than her NOT having one.*
> 
> ...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha, are you the forum police...:scratchhead: because this is just getting weird now lol.

I have never seen a woman get soooo emotional about another's woman's sex life, to the point of eye rolling no less.

Or maybe this is just your attempt at sarcasm and baiting :smthumbup:



Maricha75 said:


> So...it's hilarious because Jaded pointed out that Mrs. Jaquen is an extremely rare woman? As if it's impossible that someone so rare can exist? Whatever


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I agree. It's very hard for me to fathom as a woman who has struggled for years to orgasm. I'm also not calling Mrs. Jaquen a liar, but I do feel skepticism-- like HOW is that even possible for a woman to have an orgasm from having a backrub??


She was just as surprised as you. It's never happened before, and hasn't happened since(yet). We were both floored, and she was even embarrassed. It was not something she was particularly proud of. I told her she's like a teenage boy getting his first sex!

That's what my wife's sexuality is like, actually; a hormonal, teenage boy.



momtwo4 said:


> How is it that some women orgasm SO easily while others struggle and struggle. I'm sorry, but it's NOT just a mental thing. I don't buy the "we just have this amazing connection." My husband and I also have an amazing connection. We can read each other like a favorite book.


Do you and your husband have an amazing_ sexual _chemistry/connection? The first time my wife and I kissed it was like the earth stopped. We were both so intoxicated; she actually had trouble making it to her car, and she bumped into the wall trying to make it out the house. That was off _a kiss_. There was something very potent there between us LONG before we had sex.

Neither one of us can pretend that this doesn't play a part into why she's this way in our marriage. My wife, perhaps to an unusual level, is very, very bonded to me. I'm talking she still gets nervous when I look at her sometimes, and sometimes has to stop midway through a kiss because she can't catch her breath.

She is, to a uncanny extent, very emotionally raw in our relationship. That has _physical _effects.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You have a very good point momtwo4, it's really not "ok" with most men that their wife/woman didnt "o". Its important to him that she does (good men/lovers care i believe). And of course her having an orgasm is alway better than her NOT having one.


Ok, first of all, good men and lovers DO care, I will agree. And I have to say, just because SOME men are ok with it on happening on very rare occasions, it does NOT make them bad lovers. I agree, having an orgasm is better than NOT having one. Guess what, it's also better if HE has one as well... but it doesn't always happen. AND I AM OK WITH IT. Why? Because I know how it feels.



aribabe said:


> He probably does on some level feel that it's his fault. That he's not big/thick/long/good enough to MAKE you orgasm. If you don't want to "enhance the experience" for him lol, i would suggest trying to assure you are satisfied by being sexually aggressive towards him. You initiate, send flirty texts, where sexy lingerie sometimes, tell him he's f*cking hot, it'll help him feel like you are attracted to and turned on by him. Ultimately, i think thats what most men want.


From the comments in this thread, you would think men want their wives to lie and say they hit the right spot when they didn't. However, the majority of the men said they would be very hurt if they learned their wives were lying to them (aka faking the orgasms). No, I am not talking about the "show" as you call it. I mean faking the actual orgasm. But hey, I guess they're lying too. I guess their "fragile egos can't handle the truth" GMAFB.

I have been holding back all day, but you know what, I really don't appreciate someone implying, and even outright stating that IDKWTF I'm talking about in regards to MY OWN BODY. I know what works for me. My HUSBAND knows what works for me. And why would that be? Because I chose to never lie to him about it. Even at our lowest point, I NEVER faked an orgasm. Sometimes, it took longer than others. Sometimes, it was within a couple minutes. And I can count on ONE hand the number of times I didn't orgasm. That would be LESS than 5 times in the 12+ years we have been married. I obviously know women fake it. But, I also know from experience that SOME of us do not. I don't understand why it is so hard to comprehend that SOME of us choose not to. And SOME can cum at the slightest touch. Some it takes "forever". So what? My God, it's not like we're all clones of each other.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I do have to be grateful that my wife isn't this "bad off":

This Woman Can Have 200 Orgasms a Day! Even Without Having Sex... - Softpedia


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Maricha, are you the forum police...:scratchhead: because this is just getting weird now lol.
> 
> I have never seen a woman get soooo emotional about another's woman's sex life, to the point of eye rolling no less.
> 
> Or maybe this is just your attempt at sarcasm and baiting :smthumbup:


Not the "forum police" nor am I trying to bait anyone. As I posted above, just getting irritated that some can't seem to fathom that not all women wish to lie to their husbands... not even 30% of the time.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I do have to be grateful that my wife isn't this "bad off":
> 
> This Woman Can Have 200 Orgasms a Day! Even Without Having Sex... - Softpedia


Goodness! She'd be comatose in seconds! :rofl:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Goodness! She'd be comatose in seconds! :rofl:


Right! I'd have to carry her around in a bookbag all day long!


:rofl:


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I do have to be grateful that my wife isn't this "bad off":
> 
> This Woman Can Have 200 Orgasms a Day! Even Without Having Sex... - Softpedia


I won't lie. I'd like to experience that for a day....or two.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

I was told on another thread that many of the married men want their wives
To fake it. Don't see how this is a good thing but meh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I won't lie. I'd like to experience that for a day....or two.


Be careful what you wish for HJ! We love having you around. I think one day of this might land you in a sanitarium.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I would like to hear from some women who can have an orgasm without clitoral/vaginal/erogenous zone stimulation. Not from their husbands, from actual, real-life women.

I don't think all women fake orgasms, or men can't tell, or anything of the sort. I am finding some of the claims Jaquen and the other poster have made here hard to believe though. 

Women shouldn't fake orgasms. Men shouldn't believe whether or not a woman has an orgasm is due solely to their sexual prowess/emotional connection. And women who can't come from back massages, giving a blow job or anything other than a vibrator or oral sex shouldn't have it suggested that they have a less-strong spiritual connection with their husbands. That is at least as insulting as doubting what is frankly very difficult to believe.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> *Ok, first of all, good men and lovers DO care, I will agree. And I have to say, just because SOME men are ok with it on happening on very rare occasions, it does NOT make them bad lovers. I agree, having an orgasm is better than NOT having one.* Guess what, it's also better if HE has one as well... but it doesn't always happen. AND I AM OK WITH IT. Why? Because I know how it feels.
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> ...


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Be careful what you wish for HJ! We love having you around. I think one day of this might land you in a sanitarium.


Negative ghost rider! I think it would land me a couple "sick days" in bed. LOL


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Men do want their wives to lie, no man wants his wife to lay there quietly and act like she does when she's masturbating. Nor does he want her to not "o". Men have a strong desire for the "show". Men want to feel that they are pleasuring their woman. There is no reason for a woman to fake it if he genuinely is an awful, unsatisfying lover, that's only hurting her. But if he's a generally satisfying lover, yet she has trouble "o"ing from time to time for whatever reason that has nothing to do with him, he doesn't need to know that.


I disagree. Maybe YOUR husband wants you to lie, but mine does not. We even had this discussion a couple hours ago. And he confirmed what I said. He does NOT want me to fake an orgasm. 



aribabe said:


> Porn is lucrative for a reason, most men have a strong desire to believe it is real, that the woman is orgasming and enjoys have two penises in her vagina simultaneously. Jaquen is a perfect example of that i think. People have a strong desire to BELIEVE things that make them feel good and happy. Normal/natural behavior.


Well, there ya go. Porn. It isn't in our house. Maybe that would explain why I choose not to fake it. I don't have those wonderful ladies showing me how to do it. 



aribabe said:


> We're different women Maricha, so clearly not clones. If my husband had libido problems that were out of his control, the last thing i would do is make sure he's aware that i'm not orgasming. Especially when the lack of orgasming is so rare.


Nice slam there. But you know what? I wasn't having orgasms all the time EARLY in the marriage, when he HAD no libido issues. I orgasm every time now. Again, I don't appreciate being called a liar, and now I'm insensitive? Just...wow... Damn, I can't believe how much time I wasted trying to explain myself to you...


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Wow, this went to an ugly place.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I disagree. Maybe YOUR husband wants you to lie, but mine does not. We even had this discussion a couple hours ago. And he confirmed what I said. He does NOT want me to fake an orgasm.
> 
> *
> Why in the world would you ask your husband if he wants you to fake an orgasm? Strangest conversation to start up with someone you sleep with regularly... maybe I'm just too young to understand, that's plausible*
> ...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lyris said:


> And women who can't come from back massages, giving a blow job or anything other than a vibrator or oral sex shouldn't have it suggested that they have a less-strong spiritual connection with their husbands. That is at least as insulting as doubting what is frankly very difficult to believe.


This *never* happened.

What actually happened in this thread, in this conversation, was talk of emotional/sexual connection and how it can possibly link to orgasm. I merely stated that in MY relationship there is an extremely strong sexual-emotional connection, and that lends itself to OUR sex life. There was never any suggestion by me (and anybody else from what I can tell) that those who have trouble orgasming, or can only do so one way, are lacking in strong connections with their spouses. 

If someone gets offended because you state a truth about your own life, and they take that as some personal challenge, that's not anybody's fault but the person(s) who got offended by assertions that were actually never directed at them.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Why in the world would you ask your husband if he wants you to fake an orgasm? Strangest conversation to start up with someone you sleep with regularly... maybe I'm just too young to understand, that's plausible


Because this is the kind of relationship my husband and I have. We are honest with each other. If something is irritating me, he can tell. I don't lie and tell him "It's nothing, don't worry about it." I tell him the truth. And that was his response. He DOES NOT WANT ME TO FAKE IT. Yea, maybe it is that you are so young...then again, I felt the same way when I was 23, when we met. So maybe it's not your age.





aribabe said:


> Yes, i would consider that to be very insensitive. If you orgasm 99% of the time, what purpose does it serve to let your husband know he was unable to get you there that 1% of the time? I didn't call you a liar, and i don't think you are, i think you're just a normal woman.


Again, I haven't had the issue of no orgasms since the first year we were married. Open honest communication between him and me. I told him in the beginning I wasn't going to fake an orgasm, ever, because it served no purpose to EITHER of us, and he agreed. Since his issue with the medication, and even before that, obviously, I orgasm every single time we have sex. But I'm not the type to thrash around, porn style. He pushes the right buttons, and I cum. Plain and simple. I think it's more insensitive to make your husband think he's hitting it right when he clearly is not. But, hey, that's JMO.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Trenton said:


> I think this is a REALLY interesting topic because it magnifies the differences between men and women.
> 
> *And there are big differences between us. Men have sooo much more testosterone. Women can't match that, or what it does to one's sex drive.*
> 
> ...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Because this is the kind of relationship my husband and I have. We are honest with each other. If something is irritating me, he can tell. I don't lie and tell him "It's nothing, don't worry about it." I tell him the truth. And that was his response. He DOES NOT WANT ME TO FAKE IT. Yea, maybe it is that you are so young...then again, I felt the same way when I was 23, when we met. So maybe it's not your age.
> 
> 
> *I think it may be age actually, i've grown up in this whole new agey sensitive male era. So maybe i care too much about my husband's pride and his ego. Because some of the things you say to your husband...would make me cringe saying it to mine. I would never walk up to my husband ask if he wanted me to fake an orgasm, never, just couldn't do it. I don't even want him having to think about that . I love him feeling like he is the king of the castle that rock's his queen's world. Because he does and he is :smthumbup:*
> ...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

_
I guess don't think of my body as rare. I know most of my friends aren't like me but I never thought my small group of friends was a good indication of what other women feel. I mean I guess, the interesting thing about this conversation is that I don't understand that side of the fence that I must be faking. Why is it so hard to accept that somebody else has a different experience than you? Why does it have to be only just faking it or being hard to get off? Why is there no in betwen with some of you?

It maybe just easier than some women. How is this any different that some men who come quicker than others? Are all women the same now? It could very well be like one of the women earlier said to my husband that it's just hormones and stuff. I'm not sure. I also know that my husband knows my spots, he knows all my spots and he's able to just reach that easily for me. I think its about emotionality as well. Its another way of connection. I guess I'm just very emotional with him. Its how we are. I feel like we create our own world. I know how that sounds yall! We do though and I get lost in it.

I guess I could kinda get all the disbelief if I was like having 10 orgasms a day every day! Lol! Then yeah I could get why this is hard to see.

I don't know. I just find it very odd that yall find this so hard to believe. I don't think of myself as an anomaly. I guess in essence I don't get the issue. There are so many things that come into play when you're talking about orgasm. All this drama doesn't make sense to me.
_

- Jaquen's wife


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Aribabe, you're not really being fair to Maricha ^^here^^ and you're being rather insensitive.

I'm sure she didn't walk up to her husband and ask, "Hey babe, want me to fake an orgasm?" Yet, that's how you're making it sound.

It's OK for different couples to have different comfort levels in regards to honesty. I feel you are trying to antagonize her on purpose but I can't for the life of me figure out your motive.

On the other hand, I understand what you're saying with this:
"I love him feeling like he is the king of the castle that rock's his queen's world. Because he does and he is."

I understand this because that's how I feel. Even if I don't orgasm every time we have sex, he still is the king of the castle who rock's his queen's world. So although you are protecting his ego by not sharing the orgasm aspect, you do overall feel that he is entitled to feeling he is the King in bedroom and elsewhere because you do honestly feel that way.

At the same time, be sure he never reads your TAM entries because he very well may find offense where you did not intend quite accidentally.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Aribabe, I am the sexual aggressor plenty.
> 
> *well alrighty then missy, you've got it going on then, there is nothing like a sexually aggressive woman :smthumbup: I am right there with you
> *
> ...


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

jaquen said:


> This *never* happened.
> 
> What actually happened in this thread, in this conversation, was talk of emotional/sexual connection and how it can possibly link to orgasm. I merely stated that in MY relationship there is an extremely strong sexual-emotional connection, and that lends itself to OUR sex life. There was never any suggestion by me (and anybody else from what I can tell) that those who have trouble orgasming, or can only do so one way, are lacking in strong connections with their spouses.
> 
> If someone gets offended because you state a truth about your own life, and they take that as some personal challenge, that's not anybody's fault but the person(s) who got offended by assertions that were actually never directed at them.


Well, okay then, but that's exactly how I read this comment of yours to MomTwoFour after she described herself and her husband as being very connected, yet she found it difficult to reach orgasm. It sounded very much as though you were saying it was the connection between she and her husband that was inferior. 



> Do you and your husband have an amazing sexual chemistry/connection? The first time my wife and I kissed it was like the earth stopped. We were both so intoxicated; she actually had trouble making it to her car, and she bumped into the wall trying to make it out the house. That was off a kiss. There was something very potent there between us LONG before we had sex.


. 

Jaquen, you post a lot. You post a lot about the incredible connection and relationship you have with your wife. This is a board where many many people are struggling with their relationships, and reading over and over from you these same kind of posts comes across as a bit insensitive. If a friend or co-worker was going through a divorce, would you respond with tales of your incredibly wonderful marriage?

Obviously, it's not your responsibility, how people take things. But maybe think about it a bit. You don't have to say everything you know.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

jaquen said:


> _
> I guess don't think of my body as rare. I know most of my friends aren't like me but I never thought my small group of friends was a good indication of what other women feel. I mean I guess, the interesting thing about this conversation is that I don't understand that side of the fence that I must be faking. Why is it so hard to accept that somebody else has a different experience than you? Why does it have to be only just faking it or being hard to get off? Why is there no in betwen with some of you?
> 
> It maybe just easier than some women. How is this any different that some men who come quicker than others? Are all women the same now? It could very well be like one of the women earlier said to my husband that it's just hormones and stuff. I'm not sure. I also know that my husband knows my spots, he knows all my spots and he's able to just reach that easily for me. I think its about emotionality as well. Its another way of connection. I guess I'm just very emotional with him. Its how we are. I feel like we create our own world. I know how that sounds yall! We do though and I get lost in it.
> ...


Mrs. J, I don't find it hard to believe. If that's what's up for debate. We're all different variations of "normal" haha.

I will say that I do think I am extremely emotionally connected to my husband but an orgasm and emotional connection do not necessarily go hand in hand or hand to crotch for me personally.

The real question for you would be if your sexual nature changed for one reason or another and you could no longer orgasm as regularly as you'd like, do you feel the emotional connection would wander? I don't think so. Also, would you not enjoy physically connecting with your husband in sex? Finally, if you knew Mr. J was concerned and upset by your biological changes, would you be honest and say...Mr. J, I ain't cumming no way, no how but it's not you, it's me. ??

I think the last question is what this discussion is actually about. Sexuality is a complex, fragile thing that can make relationships stronger or pull them horrifically apart at their seams.

Emotional intimacy and communication, deep care for your partner, and an understanding that they are individuals that need consideration is crucial for any relationship to sustain all the up's and down's life throws at us.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I think it may be age actually, i've grown up in this whole new agey sensitive male era. So maybe i care too much about my husband's pride and his ego. Because some of the things you say to your husband...would make me cringe saying it to mine. I would never walk up to my husband ask if he wanted me to fake an orgasm, never, just couldn't do it. I don't even want him having to think about that . I love him feeling like he is the king of the castle that rock's his queen's world. Because he does and he is
> 
> 
> See this, i would never have even thought to bring that conversation up. About whether or not i would fake it... that just seems so awkward to me. Whatever floats your boat Maricha, that's just not my style.


Make me feel old, why don't you! LOL I'm only 37, and my husband is only 31! I'm familiar with male sensitivity, etc. But I also know my husband is the type who wants complete honesty from me. It was an easy conversation for me to have tonight because of the precedent set 13+ years ago, when we first got together. I've always been one who spoke before thinking... trust me when I say that the posts I have made are TAME compared to the thoughts in my head. 

My husband is the "king of the castle". I do treat him as such. We just happen to be completely open and honest about things. Yes, there was a time when we weren't. And that nearly destroyed us. That is never gonna happen again.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Trenton said:


> Aribabe, you're not really being fair to Maricha ^^here^^ and you're being rather insensitive.
> 
> *Im honestly not trying to be insensitive. I haven't called Maricha any names, yet she's referred to me as being both deceitful and a liar multiple times in this thread.*
> 
> ...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Make me feel old, why don't you! LOL I'm only 37, and my husband is only 31! I'm familiar with male sensitivity, etc. But I also know my husband is the type who wants complete honesty from me. It was an easy conversation for me to have tonight because of the precedent set 13+ years ago, when we first got together. I've always been one who spoke before thinking... trust me when I say that the posts I have made are TAME compared to the thoughts in my head.
> 
> *You're always as young as you feel!
> I guess that's just the difference, i feel like there are lies and there are LIES. I don't hypothetically want to be told the dress makes me look fat, you hypothetically do. Just different strokes is all.*
> ...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Im honestly not trying to be insensitive. *I haven't called Maricha any names*, yet she's referred to me as being both deceitful and a liar multiple times in this thread.


No? Oh, no, you never outright called me a liar... and I never outright called you one. I said it is considered lying and deceitful in my marriage. And, you implied that I was lying in this post:



aribabe said:


> Do I believe you have also faked an orgasm or two maricha, yeah I do.





aribabe said:


> I'm not sure HOW she said it, but i could never have that general conversation, in any way, no matter how it's said. Just not something i could do.


I brought up this thread, mentioned something about one poster saying it's ok to lie up to 30% of the time (I believe that was you, wasn't it, Aribabe?)...and he said that was stupid. HE said it, not me. And he didn't say YOU were stupid...let me make that clear. He said the IDEA of LYING, even up to roughly 1/3 of the time, is stupid. And we went on to discuss what the thread was actually about... whether or not faking an orgasm was acceptable. And his response was that it was not. He also considers it hurtful, deceitful, and really a waste of time. Yea, maybe we're odd because we speak frankly to each other. But it's what works in our marriage.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

37 is the new 23! I'm going to be 38 in October, woot!

Between the two of you I think it was a combination of hot spots hit early on in a topic that is filled with trap doors.

If the question is...
If a woman fakes an orgasm is she deceitful?

The answer is: Yes as the woman is being dishonest

-but- if the deceitfulness comes from a place of love, care and a desire to make her man feel like the powerful man she recognizes he is...then the man would be a moron not to think this is a gift rather than a trick.

If the deceitfulness comes from a place of desire to entrap the man, hurt the man, make him do things he otherwise would not want to do...divorce the biatch. 

I think most men can tell the difference between the two even if they can't tell if their wife orgasmed or not.

I mean come on...if you're out planning a romantic evening and your wife asks you what you're doing...and you lie, should she divorce you?

If you're out screwing her best friend and you lie...you stink!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lyris said:


> Well, okay then, but that's exactly how I read this comment of yours to MomTwoFour after she described herself and her husband as being very connected, yet she found it difficult to reach orgasm. It sounded very much as though you were saying it was the connection between she and her husband that was inferior.


MomTwoFour expressed disbelief regarding the connection talk presented. She went on to say she and her husband have an "amazing connection". I merely asked if she meant they had an amazing "sexual" connection, and used my life to explain exactly what I was talking about. I am not a mind reader. I can't presume to know if Mom insinuated "sexual" into her "amazing connection", not without asking. If you find malicious intent in that, so be it.




Lyris said:


> Jaquen, you post a lot. You post a lot about the incredible connection and relationship you have with your wife. This is a board where many many people are struggling with their relationships, and reading over and over from you these same kind of posts comes across as a bit insensitive. If a friend or co-worker was going through a divorce, would you respond with tales of your incredibly wonderful marriage?
> 
> Obviously, it's not your responsibility, how people take things. But maybe think about it a bit. You don't have to say everything you know.


The name of this board is "Talk about Marriage".

It's not "B*tch about Marriage". "Complain about Marriage". "Lament about Marriage". "Talk about Divorce". I didn't stumble on this board because my marriage is broken. I didn't even known until posting here for awhile that basically most of the people here are upset with their marriage in some form or fashion. That's their deal, and I respect that. But I post here because I enjoy discussing marriage, ALL aspects of it, especially the good, and all the wonderful facets of marriage, an institution I enjoy. I think, of anything, this board is in desperate need of MORE happy, fulfilled people talking about what they love about their spouses, and their marriage.

Those who are upset because I refuse to hide my happiness, or diminish it for the sake of those who are uncomfortable with it, are free to scroll or put me on ignore. I, otherwise, ain't a single bit ashamed to be happy and to say that loud and proud.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I guess that's just the difference, i feel like there are lies and there are LIES. I don't hypothetically want to be told the dress makes me look fat, you hypothetically do. Just different strokes is all.


LOL I never said I would want to, even hypothetically, be told a dress makes me look fat! I said I won't ask such a silly question because I know it isn't the DRESS that does it! 

And, I'm also not the type to lay out 20 outfits to choose from before settling on one. I don't need matching purse or shoes, etc. If the colors don't clash and it's clean, I'm good to go. I don't do a lot of primping. I don't wear makeup (he prefers no makeup). And most of the time, my hairstyles can be done in 10 minutes or less. I look good, he's proud to be with me...that's what matters lol.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Fair enough...



Maricha75 said:


> No? Oh, no, you never outright called me a liar... and I never outright called you one. I said it is considered lying and deceitful in my marriage. And, you implied that I was lying in this post:
> 
> I brought up this thread, mentioned something about one poster saying it's ok to lie up to 30% of the time (I believe that was you, wasn't it, Aribabe?)...and he said that was stupid. HE said it, not me. And he didn't say YOU were stupid...let me make that clear. He said the IDEA of LYING, even up to roughly 1/3 of the time, is stupid. And we went on to discuss what the thread was actually about... whether or not faking an orgasm was acceptable. And his response was that it was not. He also considers it hurtful, deceitful, and really a waste of time. Yea, maybe we're odd because we speak frankly to each other. But it's what works in our marriage.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

*Trenton, you rock babe *:smthumbup:



Trenton said:


> *37 is the new 23! I'm going to be 38 in October, woot!*
> 
> Between the two of you I think it was a combination of hot spots hit early on in a topic that is filled with trap doors.
> 
> ...


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

aribabe said:


> *Trenton, you rock babe *:smthumbup:


When I play Rockband, yeps!


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> LOL I never said I would want to, even hypothetically, be told a dress makes me look fat! *I said I won't ask such a silly question* because I know it isn't the DRESS that does it!
> 
> *And there's the difference i think...
> 
> ...


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

It all comes down to how we choose to communicate. Aribabe chooses to complete the "fantasy" with her husband, while Maricha is more of a realist, and just tells him it's not going to happen. I don't think either way is right or wrong--and does not make a person better or worse. 

Both women are getting the same result, after all--no orgasm happened. That is where questions arise from Jaquen's extreme post--he and his wife are the only ones who maintain that she has an orgasm every single encounter--and that simply doesn't match up to any other woman's post on this thread--all who freely admit it didn't happen at one point or another.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

RG it the main thing with Jaquen's wife isn't the frequency of her orgasms that's hard to fathom. I have no problems imagining that because usually if it's not happening one way I can get it to happen with aide of a toy pretty much every time. 

It's how she has achieved some of her orgasms that is rare and hard to fathom. She is every porn watching guys dream girl. Good for her and her husband.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife would complain about my performance if it sucked

It does cause performance anxiety, but definitely gives me a heads up. Over the years it's actually how I learnt her triggers/what turns her on/etc etc so I have become a better lover due to her brutal honesty.

In the end, I wouldn't have it any other way.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> And there's the difference i think...
> 
> *I have the freedom to ask silly questions, about my weight, hair, makeup, clothes whatever. And my husband is always willing to lie to me*, and say i look great even when i've got mascara streaming down my face and my hair's a big frizzy puff lol. And that works for us.


Aribabe, you missed the point again. I have the freedom to ask anything I want. I can ask him if a pair of pants makes my butt look big IF I so choose. But I don't choose. I know that my clothes don't do that. I know it is ME. And, since I don't want him to lie and say it looks great on me when it clearly does not, I don't ask questions like that. HOWEVER, I have asked about various COLORS of my clothes. And yes, he told me if it was flattering or not. And he answers honestly. If something doesn't look right, I know he will be honest enough to tell me it doesn't. If he was lying to me about that stuff, I would never know when he was telling the truth. I don't see how that would be conducive to a productive relationship. :scratchhead:

Ehhh regarding the mascara running down your face and frizzy hair... I don't wear makeup lol. Frizzy hair...well, that's a different story. But, again, he doesn't say it looks great. Actually, he's more likely to ask "wtf happened to your hair?!?!?!" :rofl: 

Again, this is just our dynamic. It works for us. It wouldn't work for you. Don't get me wrong, I have had self esteem issues all my life. But the WAY he is honest with me is VERY different from those who used to ridicule me. He shows me everyday that he loves me. He CHOSE me to be his wife. IMO, that makes all the difference.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I know I am getting into a conversation way too late here. Just wanted to give my opinion. Hope you don't mind.
I don't like faked orgasms. Sometimes I knew a fake and sometimes I didn't. I would rather have an honest talk about it with my spouse than be lied to, even if it is a white lie to protect me. 

Don't protect me that way. Be honest and talk with me. Tell me what I can do to please you. I want to please you. 

I want you to be happy and satisfied. I love you. If you don't get off on me any more, we need to work on that.(talk,try something new/different, counselling, divorce)

If you fake, I don't know how to read you. How will I know when you are not faking? If I know the difference, won't it ruin my self esteem? Is that love?

Have I gone too far here? Thanks for your time.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You know, after thinking about it some more.... Aribabe, I actually am unclear EXACTLY what you mean by "faking" and by "enhancing". My understanding of a FAKE orgasm is basically purposely contracting the pelvic muscles and making a bunch of noise, thrashing around, etc... when there is no orgasm at all. THIS is what I mean by faking. Enhancing, I would take to mean being more vocal what you DO orgasm. Is that what you mean as well?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Coming in way late here - and will admit I haven't read the 12 pages before I posted this except for bits and pieces, but it appears like I may get fried for my honest here! I will share my perspective anyway - for what it's worth:

I fake with H probably 50% of the time. It is to spare his feelings. On the occasssion when I have bluntly told him its just not going to happen for me that night, he takes it as a huge blow to his ego and it turns into a sulk-fest. The sulk-fest makes both me and him feel like total crap. (Me for being honest and hurting his feelings where I don't want to, him for taking the blow to his ego I suppose.) I avoid that sulk-fest by faking it.

It is also very difficult for me to O. I didn't start to O consistently thru masturbation until I was around 18-19. Even then it can sometimes take me a very long time and extreme concentration for me to get there. It has always been that way. I read about the women on this forum, who can O through a sideways glance from their husband, and yea...that's just not me. I accept that I will never be one of those women, and I can live with that. So, if masturbation is already difficult for me - throw in another human being that I need to attempt to train and give direction to and that I also need to try to please at the same time that I am trying to achieve my own O and concentrate on it - and up until my husband came along, it just didn't seem worth it to me to put in that much effort for such a small payoff. I found the whole process so overwhelming and frustrating that it feels so much better for ME, if I just allow myself to relax, knowing it's not going to happen, and just fake it to avoid the criticisum or making it a huge quest to get me there. Also I lacked the ability to explain to another man what I need him to do, until I met my H. I couldn't even figure my own body out half of the time, how was I supposed to explain it to someone else?

H has some moves now that can make me O, for real, but I have to be extremely horny to get there. I probably only O during sex maybe 1-3 times a month. I have to be on a kind of, orgasm starvation, in order to get there. I fake it the rest of the time because I still enjoy sex, want to make sire he enjoys sex, and do not want him to second guess my desire for him (which is what the sulk-fest becomes). He does not seem to know the difference. Or he's not telling me if he does.

So, I have decided that the end goal of O is not as important to me as the journey together and just sharing that intimacy. I really do enjoy sex and find it pleasurable even if I don't O. But I feel it would not gain a lot of understanding from him if I tried to explain this to him, because I have tried in the past and the convo goes south very quickly. He really is unable to accept that this is so difficult for me, and when I think he does get it, he tries to "fix it" by making it this big long journey to try to help me figure out new ways to O. I am 28 years old now and if I can't figure it out my own by now, I just don't have the desire to go on a long quest with anyone else. The pressure feels too great to get there and I know it's not going to happen when I am mentally feeling pressured about it. A few seconds of pleasure I will gladly give up just to keep him happy and keep him feeling good about himself. I have never found that the O was really worth all that trouble in the long run when it's one that I really have to work hard for.

When I was much younger - high school and college years - I was very upset about all of this. I didnt understand that a womans sexual peak is later than a man's, and I really thought that I was in my "prime" then and unable to O. I am feeling much more optimistic now that I am getting older, it seems that my body is starting to cooperate more as I age and it's becoming slightly easier over the years. I am hopeful that I am still on an upwards trend as I get older and not yet past my prime. 

Also - I did experience one time in my life when my O's were as easy as some of the women mention on this forum, and that was when I was pregnant with my first baby. For some reason during that pregnancy my drive was supercharged and everything was so easy - it was blissful. As soon as the baby was born, it all went back to normal. And I got pregnant a second time and experienced the exact opposite during my second pregnancy, with no sex drive and inability to O pretty much the entire time. I have no idea how the stars and planets aligned during my first pregnancy to allow me to live 5-6 months like that, but I feel lucky that I was able to experience it just for that short period of time knowing I might never get there in my life again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

jaquen said:


> I think your wife and mine must be sexual sisters.
> 
> I think my wife and I's deep emotional/spiritual connection fuels her sexuality. This helps make her extremely orgasmic.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup:


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Men really can't tell the difference a between real and fake for the most part. It's not their fault, our bodies just don't put on much of a show when we "O".
> 
> I think that a few of the guys on this thread are living in a very delusional reality and feel happiest and sexiest there because in that reality their their wife can "o" from a foot rub, back massage, penis in her mouth, belly buttoned touched, thighs touched, legs touched, scalp massage, I believe jaquen said he we able to make his wife "O" without even being in the same room... it's just...delusional .
> 
> Ultimately though, perception is reality... So, that's that.


So now, just because you haven't experienced something, you resort to name calling?

Orgasms are in the mind first. Many studies have been done showing that orgasms can occur for people without physical touch. Men who've been through accidents and surgeries who cannot obtain erections can orgasm. It happens in peoples sleep without physical any touch? Or that doesn't exist either, right? I'm deluded.

My wife is not an ego stroker, at all. She is honest and unapologetic, and I love that. I love her for being her. We drive each other crazy sexually (sometimes just crazy .)


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IAMCIV, I, and to a lesser extent my wife, have taken the brunt of the lashings for this "unacceptable behavior".

Run! Learn from our flogging and spare yourself the trouble! :rofl:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I didn't call you any names, and I wouldn't. I said you're living in a delusional reality, which is true from what I can tell. Ultimately, what you perceive as true, is true, for you. But from the outside looking in.. it sounds delusional to me .

Women are ego strokers, unless you're telling me your wife never compliments you about anything... which would be strange.

I'm honestly not trying to get into anymore back and forths, because I really don't think it matters if your wife is orgasming from a scalp massage or not lol. If you believe she is, then that's good enough. And all I have to say to that is more power to you! Everyone wants an enjoyable, satisfying sex life. And it seems to me like you and your wife have that together. From my view,there is not a whole lot that's better than that! 




IAMCIV said:


> So now, just because you haven't experienced something, you resort to name calling?
> 
> Orgasms are in the mind first. Many studies have been done showing that orgasms can occur for people without physical touch. Men who've been through accidents and surgeries who cannot obtain erections can orgasm. It happens in peoples sleep without physical any touch? Or that doesn't exist either, right? I'm deluded.
> 
> My wife is not an ego stroker, at all. She is honest and unapologetic, and I love that. I love her for being her. We drive each other crazy sexually (sometimes just crazy .)


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I didn't call you any names, and I wouldn't. I said you're living in a delusional reality, which is true from what I can tell. Ultimately, what you perceive as true, is true, for you. But from the outside looking in.. it sounds delusional to me .
> 
> Women are ego strokers, unless you're telling me your wife never compliments you about anything... which would be strange.
> 
> ...


You are saying Jaqen and I are delusional, yet you are not name calling? 

Got it.

That's funny. You know what's funny is that you really don't get it. 

I've come to understand in my life some people cannot grasp the fact that there are differences in this world, so I will say good day m'am...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I know I am getting into a conversation way too late here. Just wanted to give my opinion. Hope you don't mind.
> *Definitely don't mind *
> 
> I don't like faked orgasms. Sometimes I knew a fake and sometimes I didn't. I would rather have an honest talk about it with my spouse than be lied to, even if it is a white lie to protect me.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Good day, sir 

Why do I feel like british royalty right now? :rofl:



IAMCIV said:


> You are saying Jaqen and I are delusional, yet you are not name calling?
> 
> Got it.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Here lies the problem I think. The notion that if a woman isn't "really" orgasming it means that she's not being pleased. Most women don't want their man to feel like he's not pleasing her, especially when he really is but she just can't o for whatever reason


And if that is the case, then she needs to express that IN WORDS to him, so he understands that it is the CLOSENESS that matters to her, not the orgasm. It's about communication. If You don't communicate these things to your spouse, he (or even she) won't know these things. Since my husband's issue started, I have had to express to him that yes, I do love the feel of him cumming inside me, I love how he feels even if he doesn't. I love to have him touch me. I love to touch HIM. So, now, HE is the one who doesn't cum. And, because I know how I felt YEARS ago, when I couldn't get there, I can empathize more fully with how he is feeling. Yes, I know it is different between men and women. But I understand better how he is feeling because I have been there. And he knows that. But, since that first year we were together, I have had an orgasm every single time we have sex. Whether it takes 5 minutes or 45 minutes...makes no difference. It's about being together. But the point is, you have to communicate these things to your spouse.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I said you're living in a delusional reality, which is true from what I can tell...


But thats, my point.. How can you tell? You don't know me or my wife, you've never been in our presence while we were making love, so how can you tell me I'm delusional? Or that my wife is a liar, after she swore to me she'd never lie about it again...

I tried to walk away I really did...

But you didn't even respond to the FACT that people have been recorded having orgasms without physical touch. Orgasms are in the mind. Your brain responds to sensations as you are being stimulated, this leads to orgasms, which can be repliacted in the brain alone without touch. It's a sceintific fact, so if trying to swallow my c*ck whole stimulates my wife and her brain to the point she cums, how is that not understandable? 

It may not be typical, or standard but it's real. And others on this board have experienced it. And it f'ning rocks I might add.

Oh honey, you can see how fat you are in that dress... 
Slap!
What, I didn't call you fat, I simply said you can tell how fat you are in that dress.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

IAMCIV said:


> But thats, my point.. How can you tell? You don't know me or my wife, you've never been in our presence while we were making love, so how can you tell me I'm delusional? Or that my wife is a liar, after she swore to me she'd never lie about it again...
> 
> I tried to walk away I really did...
> 
> ...


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Here's my problem with the faker's contingent here: they assume that all men are fragile, insensitive, ignorant children who are unable to understand that most women can't reach orgasm every time and therefore have to be misled or their tiny male egos will be crushed. Therefore they assume that all women fake it.

Maybe that's true of THEIR husbands, so faking is a survival mechanism. But guess what? You don't know that it's true of any of the rest of us.

I get that my wife can enjoy sex without reaching an orgasm. She doesn't need to lie to me to boost my ego. If she doesn't have one this time, no big deal, she still got pleasure and there's always next time. And since I always knew when she did, I learned what was more likely to get her there. We (notice I said "we") have a much, much higher batting average now than we did at the beginning.

I'd be greatly disappointed if she thought so little of me that she felt that she had to mislead me. And if she did think that little of me, we wouldn't have lasted 35 years and counting.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I agree, it is 100% as real as you believe it is. And it sounds awesome.


Why do you do that? Why do you say something fairly nice in one part of a message, then throw out something like this? "100% as real as you believe it is"? You might as well just come out and say, again, "I think you are delusional, that it doesn't happen. But, hey, if you want to believe it does, you go right ahead and do it."

See, I showed my sister this thread, and I read some of the responses. She has had experiences SIMILAR to that of Mrs. Jaquen and Mrs. IAMCIV. I, however, have not. And she also has faked it in the past, but never with her STBXH. I don't tell her that she's lying about what has gotten her to orgasm. I applaud her, really! She may or may not post on here later tonight. My point is that no matter how incredulous something may seem, it doesn't mean it never happens just because you never experienced it nor have your own friends. All it means is...well... you never experienced it. 

But saying "100% as real as you believe it is"... that's akin to calling someone a liar, or delusional, again. I did ask as serious question this morning, Aribabe, and you didn't reply. Perhaps it was an oversight?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Why do you do that? Why do you say something fairly nice in one part of a message, then throw out something like this? "100% as real as you believe it is"? You might as well just come out and say, again, *"I think you are delusional, that it doesn't happen. But, hey, if you want to believe it does, you go right ahead and do it*."
> 
> *OMG :rofl: I did not say that lol, but reading it back sounds hilarious to me! I just think he see's things though his own perspective, that's fair to say i think. I think he should believe whatever makes him happiest and most comfortable with his sex life.
> *
> ...


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Ari I think he's going by what his wife has told him. Not just from him assuming what's' going on.

As hard to believe as it is.. LOL


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> It may have been, I didn't read through everyone's posts. Can you tell me which post number it was? And i'll take a look.


#168


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I am referring to both moaning/groaning whatever louder than you naturally/normally would to make the experience more exciting to him

And

Faking an orgasm, whatever that means to you. To me it means stiffening my body panting a bit harder. My husband is not a fan of the thrashing around, screaming orgasm...even in porn. But the way i fake "o" is pretty much the same as the way i really "o". The only real difference are the rapid vaginal wall/pelvic floor contractions and he can never feel those anyway. 



Maricha75 said:


> You know, after thinking about it some more.... Aribabe, I actually am unclear EXACTLY what you mean by "faking" and by "enhancing". My understanding of a FAKE orgasm is basically purposely contracting the pelvic muscles and making a bunch of noise, thrashing around, etc... when there is no orgasm at all. THIS is what I mean by faking. Enhancing, I would take to mean being more vocal what you DO orgasm. Is that what you mean as well?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I am referring to both moaning/groaning whatever louder than you naturally/normally would to make the experience more exciting to him
> 
> And
> 
> Faking an orgasm, whatever that means to you. To me it means stiffening my body panting a bit harder. My husband is not a fan of the thrashing around, screaming orgasm...even in porn. But the way i fake "o" is pretty much the same as the way i really "o". The only real difference are the rapid vaginal wall/pelvic floor contractions and he can never feel those anyway.


Yea.. the only thing I ever did differently regarding masturbation vs sex with my husband is calling his name. Seriously, it was all the same. And I could never stiffen my body or do anything acting like the orgasm occurred, when it did not. It's just not in me to do it. I enjoy the sexual encounters, regardless, and he knows this. That's what is important.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Why do you do that? Why do you say something fairly nice in one part of a message, then throw out something like this? "100% as real as you believe it is"? You might as well just come out and say, again, "I think you are delusional, that it doesn't happen. But, hey, if you want to believe it does, you go right ahead and do it."
> 
> See, I showed my sister this thread, and I read some of the responses. She has had experiences SIMILAR to that of Mrs. Jaquen and Mrs. IAMCIV. I, however, have not. And she also has faked it in the past, but never with her STBXH. I don't tell her that she's lying about what has gotten her to orgasm. I applaud her, really! She may or may not post on here later tonight. My point is that no matter how incredulous something may seem, it doesn't mean it never happens just because you never experienced it nor have your own friends. All it means is...well... you never experienced it.
> 
> But saying "100% as real as you believe it is"... that's akin to calling someone a liar, or delusional, again. I did ask as serious question this morning, Aribabe, and you didn't reply. Perhaps it was an oversight?


You should know that you are a freaking hero over at my house. I too talked to my sister about the trajectory of this conversation, and her reaction has been verbatim what you've expressed in this thread. Not only is she disgusted by much of the blatant disrespect, and bitterness, she wondered why nobody has stepped up to call out all the passive-aggressive jabs, and I said oh Maricha has! 

You know my wife already is cheering you on, but now you have another fan over here!

You are a right warrior, and we all dig you over here in house Jaquen! :smthumbup:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I agree with that 1000% :smthumbup: Ultimately, that's all that matters, having a happy, satisfying sex life. I can always give a woot woot to that!:yay::yay:



Maricha75 said:


> Yea.. the only thing I ever did differently regarding masturbation vs sex with my husband is calling his name. Seriously, it was all the same. And I could never stiffen my body or do anything acting like the orgasm occurred, when it did not. It's just not in me to do it.* I enjoy the sexual encounters, regardless, and he knows this. That's what is important.*


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's like the old joke

"Do you know if your woman fakes it?"
.
.
.
.
.
"Who cares?"


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't fake it. What's the point? By faking it you train another person to have sex with you in a way that doesn't get you off. He can usually tell if I "O". If I haven't then he asks and he gets me off some other way. Win-win! 

Just because I personally haven't experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't happen to others. I don't expect others to be carbon copy of me.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I didn't call you any names, and I wouldn't. I said you're living in a delusional reality, which is true from what I can tell.


How is this any different from saying I'm delusional?

If I said, Airbabe, you should change your user name to Airhead, wouldn't I be calling you an airhead?

And this has gotten rather silly. I can tell when my wife has an orgasm, if most guys can't that would probably be why most women don't have orgasms. 

Maricha and others thanks for the company on a very interesting trip. 

Honestly, if you have to fake (sometimes, or as you said during quickies) to make your hubby think he's the best, maybe that's why you won't let yourself believe others don't have to.

Our quickies usually involve her cumming and saying she'll take care of me later. I love pleasing my wife.

And jaqen, they must be sexual sisters because during oral, my wife could care less about her clit, thank god I have a long tounge. Oh wait I must be lying about that too.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

IAMCIV said:


> How is this any different from saying I'm delusional?
> 
> If *I said, Airbabe, you should change your user name to Airhead,* wouldn't I be calling you an airhead?
> *
> ...


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

That's the point, I know you think I believe it, but it's fake, it can't possibly be real right? Because it's not within your experience... and I'm delusional?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't want to call it fake... it's just your wife "enhancing the experince" for you and also for herself most likely. Sexy is fun, you get to pretend and act...

I don't think women who wear make-up are faking the way they looking, they're just enhancing themselves and their appearance.

It's like kids who believe in santa or the easter bunny, are they technically delusional? Yeah, they are. But so what. It's all in good fun and they get to enjoy themselves and be happy.

That's what a good sex life is all about in my opinion, enjoying yourself and being happy.:smthumbup:



IAMCIV said:


> That's the point, I know you think I believe it, but it's fake, it can't possibly be real right? Because it's not within your experience... and I'm delusional?


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I don't want to call it fake... it's just your wife "enhancing the experince" for you and also for herself most likely. Sexy is fun, you get to pretend and act...
> 
> I don't think women who wear make-up are faking the way they looking, they're just enhancing themselves and their appearance.
> 
> ...


Yes, but in a good sex life you don't have to act... that's the point, which obviously you missed. 

Anyone else getting dizzy?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

True, you don't act, you merely enhance the experience for the sake of your partner 

I'm getting a tad dizzy, but i think its because Sunday night is drink some wine and relax night in the Aribabe house :absolut: :rofl::absolut:



IAMCIV said:


> Yes, but in a good sex life you don't have to act... that's the point, which obviously you missed.
> 
> Anyone else getting dizzy?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Pault said:


> Ok this is perhaps a delicate area which is full of ifs and buts.
> However, guys, how would you feel if having been in a stable loving relationship you find that your female partner had faked orgasm(s) during their time with you?
> 
> If any of the ladies would want to comment then great.
> ...


Don't really care..........she doesn't because what's the point? Orgasm through vaginal penetration is not common and my wife is no different she needs direct and hard clitoral stimulation.....Oral doesn't get here there either. Has to be fingers or toy.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IAMCIV said:


> And jaqen, they must be sexual sisters because during oral, my wife could care less about her clit, thank god I have a long tounge. Oh wait I must be lying about that too.


Yup. Licking her clit is about as much of a turn on as licking one of her bicuspids. In order to get any vaginal pleasure at all she has to be penetrated; with a tongue, finger, penis, whatever. When she masturbates she doesn't even touch her clit head.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> But let me say this , i honestly don't believe you are lying. I believe that you genuinely believe everything that you're saying here. Im sure you have no reason's to lie about it, those are indeed your experiences. I do not think you are delusional, at least not directly, anymore than i think my own husband is delusional. Sex and intimacy involves alot fantasy, and there is nothing wrong with believing in the fantasy 100% if that is what makes you feel happiest.


Aribabe, the point we are trying to make is that you start off saying something that is mildly nice.... and you throw in an insult. To YOU it isn't an insult, or you seem to want us to think it isn't.. not quite sure about that tbh. :scratchhead:

You use the words "well you believe this"... no, they KNOW it, not merely believe it. Using your easter bunny reference. Those kids BELIEVE he exists, other kids KNOW he does not. Jaquen and IAMCIV don't merely BELIEVE their wives do this...they KNOW they do. You keep throwing little digs at them, implying that their wives are merely "enhancing" the experience, because YOU "enhance" the experience. Their wives are not you. Why is it so difficult to believe that something outside your realm of experience does, in fact, exist? Especially when you got Jaquen's wife who basically told you off because you seemed to think you know her body better than she knows herself... And then you have no less than half of the women in this thread saying we don't fake it in any way, shape or form, with our husbands. Why is this so difficult to grasp?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Aribabe, the point we are trying to make is that you start off saying something that is mildly nice.... and you throw in an insult. To YOU it isn't an insult, or you seem to want us to think it isn't.. not quite sure about that tbh. :scratchhead:
> 
> *I think I've been pretty crystal clear about my opinions on this topic. If it sounds insulting... well i don't know what to say about that actually. But I know that Jaquen and IAMCV really do believe what they're saying, so someone disagreeing makes them FEEL attacked. I get that.
> *
> ...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Both Jaquen and IAMCV believe their reality, so their perception is real to them. But that does not make it real even if the "know it". Like Santa is real to kiddies, but... he's not really real. I certainly don't know if their wives enhance the experience or not, for all i know a foot rub really does get them off lol. All I'm saying is that *it sounds like a delusion to me*.


Exactly, TO YOU. Which means, because YOU haven't experienced it, it MUST not be real. But that's ok, that just means your sexual experience would sound just as delusional to me as theirs are to you. Because I cannot fathom why someone would fake an orgasm in a loving, happy relationship. I can't speak for you any more than you can speak for their wives... but I would say that your perception of their experience is as delusional, if not more so than the actual experiences they have. But, that's JMO.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Forget my wife, and our sex life, and her extraordinary abilities; those are the facts of our lives, and after some of the absurd, and downright shameful, reactions to our _real_ lives displayed in this thread last night we're more thankful than ever that we don't live in the same world that some of you people are so desperate to cling on to. For our part neither one of us should have spent a single second defending, or justifying, jacksh*t to a single person in this thread. That was our own foolishness at work. I'm especially sorry I even asked my baby to come into this thread and offer her POV. She should have never offered a single word in attempt to get the naysayers to understand her. She did that for me, bless her heart, but I should never have even opened her up to all this asinine scrutiny, and the implications that she's a liar. Shame on me.

But this must be said; Aribabe you seem to fancy yourself a knower of women. You are so convinced that you know women, as though all women are the same, that you're even disputing what _other women_ are saying about their _own bodies_. In your world lying to your husband is a virtue, all women lie, and any woman who says she's not lying is...lying. You clearly have very little respect for the male species, but even more bizarre is your totally myopic view of your own. There is something very twisted about that, and honestly I think you hold a pretty disturbing view of your own kind. 

I'm not even a woman, but if I were I imagine I'd be deeply offended that you were the self appointed spokesperson for all womankind.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't get why some are questioning others experiences, seems futile.

As a sexually in tune woman I know I can think about sex and feel it could be possible to have a mild O just by daydreaming about it. So I think it is highly possible for women to O by engaging in in sex acts such as BJ's.
Surely many women feel highly aroused when thinking about sex, it is not a massive step to think that they can O when super aroused by performing a BJ on someone that turns them on.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

*See, there you go, it's all about perception :smthumbup:
I probably am a little delusional, my husband might say so :rofl:

k, my soapbox is being put away. And i am not stepping back on it, at least not tonight, because I'm just a little tipsy right now and i might fall off*




Maricha75 said:


> Exactly, TO YOU. Which means, because YOU haven't experienced it, it MUST not be real. But that's ok, that just means your sexual experience would sound just as delusional to me as theirs are to you. Because I cannot fathom why someone would fake an orgasm in a loving, happy relationship. I can't speak for you any more than you can speak for their wives... but I would say that your perception of their experience is as delusional, if not more so than the actual experiences they have. But, that's JMO.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Forget my wife, and our sex life, and her extraordinary abilities; *those are the facts of our lives*, and after some of the absurd, and downright shameful, reactions to our _real_ lives displayed in this thread last night we're more thankful than ever that we don't live in the same world that some of you people are so desperate to cling on to. For our part neither one of us should have spent a single second defending, or justifying, jacksh*t to a single person in this thread. That was our own foolishness at work. I'm especially sorry I even asked my baby to come into this thread and offer her POV. She should have never offered a single word in attempt to get the naysayers to understand her. She did that for me, bless her heart, but I should never have even opened her up to all this asinine scrutiny, and the implications that she's a liar. Shame on me.
> *
> I know
> *
> ...


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> RG it the main thing with Jaquen's wife isn't the frequency of her orgasms that's hard to fathom. I have no problems imagining that because usually if it's not happening one way I can get it to happen with aide of a toy pretty much every time.
> 
> It's how she has achieved some of her orgasms that is rare and hard to fathom. She is every porn watching guys dream girl. Good for her and her husband.


Right--gotcha. I was pointing out the fundamental red flag to his posts~there is an inconsistency when compared to what every other woman has admitted to on this thread. The "rare" ways she "achieved" only merit attention as far as further "protesting too much", lol!


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Unlikely as it sounds it could be true. Check this one out; a women who can orgasm while brushing her teeth!

Mary Roach: 10 things you didn't know about orgasm - YouTube


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Right--gotcha. I was pointing out the fundamental red flag to his posts~there is an inconsistency when compared to what every other woman has admitted to on this thread. The "rare" ways she "achieved" only merit attention as far as further "protesting too much", lol!


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Red flags? Inconsistencies? I can't with you people. Joseph McCarthy, is that you?



johnnycomelately said:


> Unlikely as it sounds it could be true. Check this one out; a women who can orgasm while brushing her teeth!
> 
> Mary Roach: 10 things you didn't know about orgasm - YouTube


Oh that was just great. The pig video has me DEAD.

I think this video highlights just how absurd the course of this conversation has been. Every single "abnormal" orgasm method discussed in this thread by the small handful of us is scientifically proven, and in some cases much more prevalent than the uninformed imagine. For example one major sex study, conducted by Dr. Herbert Otto, shows that 29% of women have experienced a nipple orgasm. Instead of this discussion becoming an opportunity to really have an expansive conversation about the female orgasm, and all the wonderful ways in which different women reach the point of climax, it's turned into a bastion of ignorance and close mindedness.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

WOW- didnt expect to see a fight happening!

I started this thread to gauge a guys and yes ladies reactions to how a faked Orgasm should be handled (forgive the pun). It in the marjority has been interesting to see both sexs opinions and within them to see those that would fake sexual satisfaction and those who would say "Ok you owe me one someother time", a comment that I find is right and proper in a real loving relationship. I also asked as many men are told, "you dont know for real when it happens". I guess that is true as well . A long while ago my W said something that made me react. She was talking about a mutual friend who had made a comment about never ever having reached orgasm but still enjoyed that act just as much. My wife then and I quote, said "Well I said to her, I nearly always do". Being a modern husband helping wash the dinner dishes, a plate drops with a crash and I spin around and blurt out "what do you mean nearly??" The look of shock on my wifes face concerned me. She looked hurt and or embarressed at making the almost always statement when I was not aware of any "never hitting the note monement". She quickly back tracked and said well I ment without some self help. during it. I just nodded and continued but it stuck with me until now and reading so much about contractions, internal and external, those visable those not, neck and face blushing and just about every concievable other metaphor to desribe what a guy should look for, listen for, feel for and all the other ways of checking that I wasn t being selfish. I thought Id bounce the idea through TAM. But seeing the somewhat heated areas here makes me wonder what I started:lol:


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

I am sorry I started posting on this subject too, jaqen...

About 12 1/2 years ago my wife called me form work, pretty much crying for me to come home, she needed to tell me something... I rushed home, didn't know what to expect, we'd just been married three months or so what could be wrong... She tells me, she was faking her orgasms. Not all of them, but she wasn't cumming with me like she said she was, as I said back then I was new to sex and a very quick gun, plus she got me so hot anyway. It was making her so sick lying to me she couldn't take it.

I was in shock, but considering everything going through my mind it wasn't too much to deal with. We talked, she apologized and we agreed to continue in our sex life HONESTLY. Sometimes brutally honest. And it challenged me to want to be the best lover on te planet for her. My wife is drop dead gorgeous, she can have just about any man she wants and she chooses me, in my punny little brain I decided it might not be a good idea to leave her unsatisfied. So I worked on me. Learned how to last longer, a lot longer, paid attention to her breathing, her moaning, how this and that affect that and this. In other words I became a student of her body, and she of mine and our sex life after 13 years is amazing. How could we have ever reached this point, if she were putting on a show? If she wasn't feeling it, I knew. She told me. It's not like I touched her and she came. There were a lot of nights when things just weren't working.

The level of understanding on this board has been scarey. 

People have orgasms in the mind. It's a fact. The body is stimulated but the mind is where the orgasm comes from. People have them in their sleep or men who cannot obtain erections have them, look at a teenager shooting his load before the girl even touches him. It's a stimulation of the mind first and formost.

So if a woman or man is highly stimulated in that region of the brain... seems simple logic that if a dream can stimulate someone enough to cum some activity one finds sexually arrousing can too.

Honestly, we stumbled into these multipule orgasms, years ago when I finally stopped trying to GIVE her an orgasm and focused on pleasuring her in every way I could.

So in regards to the very first post, yes some guys who are in tune to their partner can tell when the orgasm. Some guys can't.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Kind of funny I was watching The Dr's today and they touched on this very thing. They had a couple have sex three nights in a row leading up to the show. During the show the husband was suppose to say for each night whether he thought his wife had actually had an orgasm or faked. Come to find out she had faked all 3 nights and he had thought 2 of those were genuine. These weren't newlyweds either.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

IAMCIV don't be sorry that you have posted, I for one am learning from this discussion. So there are detractors, who cares? There will always be those that for whatever reason don't want to open their minds, that's their loss.

I was in a sexless marriage for many years but just as bad was the lack of communication and in particular about sex, intimacy etc. I am now with a man that I have the freedom to enjoy sex and discussion with. I want to learn everything I can about relationships, sex and being connected in a healthy way.

We need more posters that are emotionally intelligent. Keep up the great work


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

Holland said:


> IAMCIV don't be sorry that you have posted, I for one am learning from this discussion. So there are detractors, who cares? There will always be those that for whatever reason don't want to open their minds, that's their loss.
> 
> I was in a sexless marriage for many years but just as bad was the lack of communication and in particular about sex, intimacy etc. I am now with a man that I have the freedom to enjoy sex and discussion with. I want to learn everything I can about relationships, sex and being connected in a healthy way.
> 
> We need more posters that are emotionally intelligent. Keep up the great work


Thank you for your encouragment. Best of luck to you in your new realtionship.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

jaquen said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> Red flags? Inconsistencies? I can't with you people. Joseph McCarthy, is that you?


:lol::lol:

Isn't waiting for your wife to wake up, so the two of you could laugh at someone's post, then write a new post about how you laughed at them, what got you into this pickle?! 

And then, you continue to harass this person on her comments in another thread?

You continue to protest too much.:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> :lol::lol:
> 
> Isn't waiting for your wife to wake up, so the two of you could laugh at someone's post, then write a new post about how you laughed at them, what got you into this pickle?!
> 
> ...


So... I guess this means I protest too much as well, hmmm? I mean, after all, every woman fakes it, right? GMAFB


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> :lol::lol:
> 
> Isn't waiting for your wife to wake up, so the two of you could laugh at someone's post, then write a new post about how you laughed at them, what got you into this pickle?!


Actually no, what got me into this "pickle" was sharing a story about my life, just like anyone else on the board, and being harassed, unprovoked, by multiple posters who insisted that my wife and I were liars.

Try again lady.

:rofl:




Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> And then, you continue to harass this person on her comments in another thread?


Only the Lord above has any clue what you're talking about. But then again maybe he's the one helping you find secret "red flags", and sniff out "inconsistencies".


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter it looks like you've got the forum police, that desperately needs to retire, on your tail :rofl: how does someone get so emotionally invested into another person's life like that lol?


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Do you and your husband have an amazing_ sexual _chemistry/connection? The first time my wife and I kissed it was like the earth stopped. We were both so intoxicated; she actually had trouble making it to her car, and she bumped into the wall trying to make it out the house. That was off _a kiss_. There was something very potent there between us LONG before we had sex.
> 
> Neither one of us can pretend that this doesn't play a part into why she's this way in our marriage. My wife, perhaps to an unusual level, is very, very bonded to me. I'm talking she still gets nervous when I look at her sometimes, and sometimes has to stop midway through a kiss because she can't catch her breath.
> 
> She is, to a uncanny extent, very emotionally raw in our relationship. That has _physical _effects.


I do think we have "an amazing sexual chemistry/connection." I didn't literally get dizzy when we first kissed, but I DID enjoy it immensely and I knew that I'd hit the jackpot with this man that is now my husband. I'm also "very very bonded" to my husband. He is my best friend, my soulmate, and my lover. I might not get nervous when I look at him, but I do feel a deep sense of satisfaction and love when I look at his handsome face and when he makes a comment that only I "get."

I do not think (on any level) that my husband and I have less of a connection (sexual, emotional, or otherwise) because I struggle to orgasm. You imply that you and your wife have great orgasmic sex because of this amazing chemistry you have. This is wonderful and I'm sure it is very real for both of you. However, it does not necessarily mean that people who struggle with having orgasms lack chemistry with their spouses.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I do think we have "an amazing sexual chemistry/connection." I didn't literally get dizzy when we first kissed, but I DID enjoy it immensely and I knew that I'd hit the jackpot with this man that is now my husband. I'm also "very very bonded" to my husband. He is my best friend, my soulmate, and my lover. I might not get nervous when I look at him, but I do feel a deep sense of satisfaction and love when I look at his handsome face and when he makes a comment that only I "get."
> 
> I do not think (on any level) that my husband and I have less of a connection (sexual, emotional, or otherwise) because I struggle to orgasm. You imply that you and your wife have great orgasmic sex because of this amazing chemistry you have. This is wonderful and I'm sure it is very real for both of you. However, it does not necessarily mean that people who struggle with having orgasms lack chemistry with their spouses.


Absolutely. Thank you so much for expounding on this, honestly. When I asked you earlier in this thread if you and your husband had an amazing sexual chemistry, I truly wanted to know. When I read "amazing connection" I don't necessarily assume sexual chemistry as apart of that. I know that long before we fell in love, my wife and I were best friends and we had an "amazing connection". We could read each other like a book, but we hadn't discovered the sexual component. I didn't want to presume.

If you thought I was suggesting that what my wife and I have was somehow more than what you two have, then I apologize for any misunderstanding. I certainly do not believe that an intense sexual chemistry can magically cure all issues with orgasm. My wife and I have had several conversations through the years about our seemingly uncanny connection, and it's affects on both our bodies. But that's just us, we can't speak for anyone else.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> I do think we have "an amazing sexual chemistry/connection." I didn't literally get dizzy when we first kissed, but I DID enjoy it immensely and I knew that I'd hit the jackpot with this man that is now my husband. I'm also "very very bonded" to my husband. He is my best friend, my soulmate, and my lover. I might not get nervous when I look at him, but I do feel a deep sense of satisfaction and love when I look at his handsome face and when he makes a comment that only I "get."
> 
> I do not think (on any level) that my husband and I have less of a connection (sexual, emotional, or otherwise) because I struggle to orgasm. You imply that you and your wife have great orgasmic sex because of this amazing chemistry you have. This is wonderful and I'm sure it is very real for both of you. However, it does not necessarily mean that people who struggle with having orgasms lack chemistry with their spouses.


I agree. I think the main idea, though, is that if you have such a strong bond, an amazing connection, there is no need to fake something that isn't happening for you. (Sorry, I can't remember if you were one who says she does or doesn't! LOL) Their egos aren't all as fragile as we have been led to believe all these years.  Some aren't comfortable having this kind of conversation with their spouses. Well, that's fine for them. But why does that mean (to some) that the fact that others of us CAN have such conversations, CAN be so open and honest with each other...we are lying here? I seriously am getting the vibe that some wish to be invited to WATCH just to get the proof! 

Seriously, though, it's not about policing the forums, as one has said. It's about the fact that some have been called liars...oh, excuse me, "delusional" because of their own experiences. I'm not saying one doesn't have an amazing connection with his/her spouse. I suspect my husband and I could have a greater connection, had he not had a mental breakdown 4 years ago. We, now, are finding our way back, slowly. Just when we thought things were greatly improved, his meds got changed and hit him hard. But we are STILL open about these things. And, I think the fact that I never pretended to have an orgasm when we were first married has helped NOW, when he is unable to finish. Had I faked it back then, I think he would feel WORSE now when he is unable. While we may be fairly "vanilla" (hate that term, but what else would you call it?) right now, I think it is our honest communication that keeps us going. 

Sorry for going offtrack there for a bit! LOL


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I mean, after all, every woman fakes it, right? GMAFB


If this is your stance. It certainly isn't mine. GMAFB right back at ya.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> If this is your stance. It certainly isn't mine. GMAFB right back at ya.


Really? Why would my stance be that every woman fakes it when I have stated multiple times that I do not? I am guessing my sarcasm didn't come through that time...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Her rapid contractions may be very noticeable if she has a small vagina or regularly does kegel excercises. If your wife has given birth vaginally however, it's unlikely that what you're feeling are contraction of an orgasm.




stritle said:


> maybe my wife just contracts hard, but i can feel that every time. (providing i'm paying attention for it)
> 
> it's actually such a strong feeling that if i've been holding off, it will often get the better of me


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Am I the only one that literally has absolutely no idea what GMAFB means:rofl: I've only ever seen it written here, and only by people that I think are.... interesting.

Could someone clue me in please? Thanks! 


Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> If this is your stance. It certainly isn't mine. GMAFB right back at ya.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Am I the only one that literally has absolutely no idea what GMAFB means:rofl: I've only ever seen it written here, and only by people that I think are.... interesting.
> 
> Could someone clue me in please? Thanks!
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am more than happy to clue you in.

GMAFB = Give me a fvcking break.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Her rapid contractions may be very noticeable if she has a small vagina or regularly does kegel excercises. If your wife has given birth vaginally however, it's unlikely that what you're feeling are contraction of an orgasm.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sigh...which translates to: Aribabe believes your wife is likely faking orgasms, Stritle.


----------



## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Actually no, what got me into this "pickle" was sharing a story about my life, just like anyone else on the board, and being harassed, unprovoked, by multiple posters who insisted that my wife and I were liars.
> 
> Try again lady.
> 
> :rofl:


Unprovoked-- Hardly. I don't think you are a liar, I think you are no worse off than any other husband. The attempts to lord over others is where you cross the line, and also show ignorance.
Maybe you _should_ have that thread about female orgasm, since it appears you are unaware that many women enjoy the best of both worlds~a simultaneous vaginal/clitoral orgasm. Did you take human sexuality in college?


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Sigh...maricha I am positive that everyone greatly appreciates your volunteer moderator/translator services, but I can speak for myself,k ?



Maricha75 said:


> Sigh...which translates to: Aribabe believes your wife is likely faking orgasms, Stritle.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Really? Why would my stance be that every woman fakes it when I have stated multiple times that I do not? I am guessing my sarcasm didn't come through that time...


:lol: Really?! And since I never made that statement at all...? What's your excuse for that?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Aribabe,

Have you studied human sexuality formally? Have you read any of the mountains of literature documenting unusual ways both women and men have achieved orgasm? For example, have you read the multi-volume work, _Studies in the Psychology of Sex_?

Or is your skepticism entirely anecdotal? If so, wouldn't that be a classic case of snapshot analytics, given the fact that as of this morning, there are 7,040,152,706 people on this planet?


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Only the Lord above has any clue what you're talking about. But then again maybe he's the one helping you find secret "red flags", and sniff out "inconsistencies".


No clue~really? tsk, tsk
I am, of course, referring to you picking apart aribabe's posts on the porn/penis size thread.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I am not completely positive of your definition of "formal studies". I have read alot about the mechanics behind the female orgasm, but beyond that, the source that I acquire the majority of my information from is just from communicating with actual women. Which in my opinion, is the best source.

And, using this thread solely, no woman has admitted to an orgasm derived from a scalp massage or leg rub lol, except jaquen's "wife" that is 




ocotillo said:


> Aribabe,
> 
> Have you studied human sexuality formally? Have you read any of the mountains of literature documenting unusual ways both women and men have achieved orgasm? For example, have you read the multi-volume work, _Studies in the Psychology of Sex_?
> 
> Or is your skepticism entirely anecdotal? If so, wouldn't that be a classic case of snapshot analytics, given the fact that as of this morning, there are 7,040,152,706 people on this planet?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> :lol: Really?! And since I never made that statement at all...? What's your excuse for that?


RG, I said that because all along I have maintained the stance of "why does it matter what gets Jaquen's wife to orgasm?"...And, because of this, as well as the fact that I have maintained throughout this discussion that I do not, and never have, faked one...well, I have been called a liar..oh wait, the words were "do I think [you] have faked an orgasm or two yes i do"... and while others seem to find it odd that I, apparently, get emotional about the sex lives of other women/couples, I think the same can be said for those who keep pushing that it can't be true because "most women" do not and it seemed more likely that the disbelief comes not from that, but from one's inability to orgasm in those fashions herself.

RG, my initial sarcastic response was stating that "I must be protesting too much" because of your comment that Jaquen protests too much... Never faking it was my constant stance, and it fit in the "protesting" camp you had outlined. I apologize if this does not come across any clearer to you lol.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I am not completely positive of your definition of "formal studies". I have read alot about the mechanics behind the female orgasm, but beyond that, the source that I acquire the majority of my information from is just from communicating with actual women. Which in my opinion, is the best source.
> 
> And, using this thread solely, no woman has admitted to an orgasm derived from a scalp massage or leg rub lol, except jaquen's "wife" that is
> 
> ...


Women talk. And, we're in to details. 

What I see happening in this thread is some people attempting to twist this into aribabe making an extreme statement that she never made--that women who fake orgasm _always_ fake orgasm. She never stated that as her opinion.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I am not completely positive of your definition of "formal studies". I have read alot about the mechanics behind the female orgasm, but beyond that, the source that I acquire the majority of my information from is just from communicating with actual women. Which in my opinion, is the best source.
> 
> And, using this thread solely, no woman has admitted to an orgasm derived from a scalp massage or leg rub lol, except jaquen's "wife" that is
> 
> ...


I agree, Aribabe... speaking with other women/friends/family IS one of the best ways to learn. I know that women fake orgasms. My sisters BOTH admitted to faking in previous relationships. One sister is getting a divorce now, and she told me herself that her STBXH is the ONLY man thus far with whom she has never faked it. My other sister told me that she doesn't fake with her current husband. I have friends who have faked it. I am one of, it seems, a very small minority who choose not to fake it, and my husband loves that fact. I don't treat him like he is fragile. And the fact that I never did fake it, I believe makes a difference in how I am able to handle his current issues. 

As for the way Jaquen's wife orgasms... hey, I don't find it completely unbelievable. I know that there are times when my husband merely nuzzles my neck and it gets me close. I have yet to orgasm in that way as yet, but I don't find it impossible, since I have gotten close. And there are times when he is wearing a specific cologne that it nearly pushes me over the edge... and he knows this, which is why he uses it sporadically. 

Anyway, my point is that, just because it's something that the MAJORITY doesn't experience, it doesn't mean it is IMPOSSIBLE. I think we need to keep that in mind....


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Women talk. And, we're in to details.
> 
> What I see happening in this thread is some people attempting to twist this into aribabe making an extreme statement that she never made--that women who fake orgasm _always_ fake orgasm. She never stated that as her opinion.


You're right, she never said she ALWAYS fakes them. But I don't understand why it is impossible to fathom that some women don't fake them. ever. That's my real issue. And why it is so impossible to believe that some orgasm in odd ways. That's my only issue. I don't get why the fight to disprove someone who says these things. It makes no sense, IMO.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Alright, thanks for your input 



Maricha75 said:


> I agree, Aribabe... speaking with other women/friends/family IS one of the best ways to learn. I know that women fake orgasms. My sisters BOTH admitted to faking in previous relationships. One sister is getting a divorce now, and she told me herself that her STBXH is the ONLY man thus far with whom she has never faked it. My other sister told me that she doesn't fake with her current husband. I have friends who have faked it. I am one of, it seems, a very small minority who choose not to fake it, and my husband loves that fact. I don't treat him like he is fragile. And the fact that I never did fake it, I believe makes a difference in how I am able to handle his current issues.
> 
> As for the way Jaquen's wife orgasms... hey, I don't find it completely unbelievable. I know that there are times when my husband merely nuzzles my neck and it gets me close. I have yet to orgasm in that way as yet, but I don't find it impossible, since I have gotten close. And there are times when he is wearing a specific cologne that it nearly pushes me over the edge... and he knows this, which is why he uses it sporadically.
> 
> Anyway, my point is that, just because it's something that the MAJORITY doesn't experience, it doesn't mean it is IMPOSSIBLE. I think we need to keep that in mind....


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> I am not completely positive of your definition of "formal studies".


"Formal study" would be a collegiate level course taught by either an actual M.D. or psychologist. 



aribabe said:


> I have read alot about the mechanics behind the female orgasm, but beyond that, the source that I acquire the majority of my information from is just from communicating with actual women. Which in my opinion, is the best source.


I'd submit that personal experience and conversation with acquaintances will usually lead you astray with a demographically atypical sampling of people like you find on TAM. 

TAM by it's very nature attracts people from the far ends of the spectrum.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> RG, I said that because all along I have maintained the stance of "why does it matter what gets Jaquen's wife to orgasm?"...And, because of this, as well as the fact that I have maintained throughout this discussion that I do not, and never have, faked one...well, I have been called a liar..oh wait, the words were "do I think [you] have faked an orgasm or two yes i do"... and while others seem to find it odd that I, apparently, get emotional about the sex lives of other women/couples, I think the same can be said for those who keep pushing that it can't be true because "most women" do not and it seemed more likely that the disbelief comes not from that, but from one's inability to orgasm in those fashions herself.
> 
> RG, my initial sarcastic response was stating that "I must be protesting too much" because of your comment that Jaquen protests too much... Never faking it was my constant stance, and it fit in the "protesting" camp you had outlined. I apologize if this does not come across any clearer to you lol.


Yes, it was confusing that you addressed me at all, since in your comments, you are the realist--you are going to let your husband know that orgasm is not going to happen. This is not the same for jaquen.

In addition to my post not referring to you in any possible way (neither by name nor subject matter), you also incorrectly attributed to me a statement that I never made.:scratchhead:


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, no one's fighting to disprove anything. There's literally nothing to be disproved here that I can see. Trying to disprove that a woman is orgasming from a leg rub is as silly to me as me trying to disprove Santa. People believe in things that make them feel hapy, but believing things that make you feel happy don't make those things true lol.

Because I can actually see my husband in both jaquen and IAMCV, he would be equally passionate about his belief that I never fake orgasms. They're not saying anything I wouldn't expect my own husband to say, and jaquens "wife" hasn't responded in a way that is abnormal, I would respond the exact same way.

Who cares if I know that jaquens wife isn't orgasming from a scalp rub lol. Jaquen believes she is and THAT's what matters, he's the one having sex with her, not me.

Both he and IAMCV seem to be incredibly happy and satisfied with their sex lives, and their wives are very good women from what I can tell. A great, rockin sex life is what everybody wants. And i can humbly admit i am very blessed to have.So I say, rock on!:smthumbup:





Maricha75 said:


> You're right, she never said she ALWAYS fakes them. But I don't understand why it is impossible to fathom that some women don't fake them. ever. That's my real issue. And why it is so impossible to believe that some orgasm in odd ways. That's my only issue. I don't get why the fight to disprove someone who says these things. It makes no sense, IMO.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> You're right, she never said she ALWAYS fakes them. But I don't understand why it is impossible to fathom that some women don't fake them. ever.


Do you think that she is referring here to women who _admit_ when they cannot orgasm?


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> "Formal study" would be a collegiate level course taught by either an actual M.D. or psychologist.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Now, this is funny, considering how many people Freud and the Kinsey's led astray--all experts!! :rofl:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

And with that, my sweet kittens and pups, i am officially removing myself from this thread. I hope we've all learned something here.

santa says bye too:noel:
:rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Do you think that she is referring here to women who _admit_ when they cannot orgasm?


You asked this question in reference to the quote I have in this post, next.



Maricha75 said:


> But I don't understand why it is impossible to fathom that some women don't fake them. ever.


The following is my very first post in this thread, on the first page. I clearly state that I have not, and never will, fake an orgasm. I ADMIT here, that I have, in the past, had trouble having orgasms. I admit in the following post that I have TOLD my husband when I cannot orgasm. I have stated clearly that he knows that I won't fake it.



Maricha75 said:


> As a woman, I refuse to fake orgasms. It really does neither of us any good. If I were to fake it, he'd think he was hitting it just right when, in fact, it just isn't working. I would rather just say "Babe, it's not happening this time. I'm enjoying the attention and the sex, but I'm just not going to orgasm. We'll get it next time." And we do.


And her response to my stating, ad nauseam, that I do not, and never have faked an orgasm:



aribabe said:


> Do I believe most/all women fake orgasm now and again, yeah I do.* Do I believe you have also faked an orgasm or two maricha, yeah I do.*



So, yes, I do believe she is referring to women who admit that they cannot orgasm.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Unprovoked-- Hardly. I don't think you are a liar, I think you are no worse off than any other husband. The attempts to lord over others is where you cross the line, and also show ignorance.
> Maybe you _should_ have that thread about female orgasm, since it appears you are unaware that many women enjoy the best of both worlds~a simultaneous vaginal/clitoral orgasm. Did you take human sexuality in college?


What in God's green earth are you talking about? Of course I know that women can have simultaneous vaginal and clitoral orgasms. What in the world gave you the impression that I wouldn't, especially since that was never a topic of conversation?





Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> No clue~really? tsk, tsk
> I am, of course, referring to you picking apart aribabe's posts on the porn/penis size thread.


Still don't know what you're talking about. But, then again, you seemed to be more pressed about the content of my posts than even I am.

Aribabe is a big girl. We've debated before, and have been able to move forward just fine. Even when I vehemently disagree with her, she always makes points that I take note of. I doubt she's walking around butt hurt over any exchange we've had. 

But I'm sure she appreciates your valiant defense.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> And, using this thread solely, no woman has admitted to an orgasm derived from a scalp massage or leg rub lol, except jaquen's "wife" that is
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now you know my "wife" (nice way to dismiss her entire existence by the way), never claimed to come from a "scalp massage" or a "leg rub".

But I'll let you know when she does! 




Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Yes, it was confusing that you addressed me at all, since in your comments, you are the realist--you are going to let your husband know that orgasm is not going to happen. This is not the same for jaquen.]



Wait, what planet are you on? She's a realist because she lets her husband know when she's not going to orgasm, but that's not the "same for" me? So should I start letting the husband I don't have know when I'm just not going to orgasm?

:rofl:


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Women talk. And, we're in to details.
> 
> What I see happening in this thread is some people attempting to twist this into aribabe making an extreme statement that she never made--that women who fake orgasm _always_ fake orgasm. She never stated that as her opinion.


Nope. What lit the fuse were the statements that other people were clueless and/or delusional and/or liars because their experience was different.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Who cares if I know that jaquens wife isn't orgasming from a scalp rub lol. Jaquen believes she is and THAT's what matters, he's the one having sex with her, not me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now she "knows" what's happening with my wife's orgasms? Now I'm beginning to wonder if I should call the cops and get a restraining order. Looks like she's been possessing my wife's body again! Don't you just hate when that happens? :rofl:

This entire thread has been nothing but pure, unadulterated comedy. I'm even beginning to think that actually has been the impetus behind some of these posts. Regardless it's been wonderfully dysfunctional, and very telling. I thank you Aribabe, and Rosemary Whomever, among others, for the genuine barrel of laughs. I've not laughed so hard with, and at, people in a long time.

This "debate" has come to an end for me, but on the way out I'd like to remind a choice few of you to attend:










You're always welcome.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Nope. What lit the fuse were the statements that other people were clueless and/or delusional and/or liars because their experience was different.


:iagree: Exactly!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

stritle said:


> /sigh..................i guess i'll give my wife the news.
> i've been faking too. no idea how the kids happened


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Now, this is funny, considering how many people Freud and the Kinsey's led astray--all experts!! :rofl:


That is actually a logical fallacy called, "Poisoning the well." 

We don't dismiss the value of medicine using Claudius Galen's shortcomings as a yardstick; we don't dismiss the value of bacteriology and virology using Pasteur's shortcomings as a yardstick and we don't dismiss the value of paleontology using Lamarck's shortcomings as a yardstick. Human knowledge builds on itself. 

But even that is wide of the point. The point is that some of the things that are being dismissed on this thread, such as female orgasm from unusual stimuli have been documented and examples can be found in clinical literature.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

jaquen said:


> What in God's green earth are you talking about? Of course I know that women can have simultaneous vaginal and clitoral orgasms. What in the world gave you the impression that I wouldn't, especially since that was never a topic of conversation?


No, you did not show knowledge of this, as you continued to attempt to lord over others your wife's vaginal orgasm "rarity". 



jaquen said:


> Still don't know what you're talking about. But, then again, you seemed to be more pressed about the content of my posts than even I am.
> 
> Aribabe is a big girl. We've debated before, and have been able to move forward just fine. Even when I vehemently disagree with her, she always makes points that I take note of. I doubt she's walking around butt hurt over any exchange we've had.
> 
> But I'm sure she appreciates your valiant defense.


No, jaquen. You are wrong again. I read freely of this board, just as everyone else here. I read the thread where you continued to pick apart her posts, splitting hairs to attempt to prove she was off-topic, not because I was "pressed about the content" of your posts, but because I was following the thread. 

Making immature statements such as the above is exactly why I think you are an embellisher. The fact that you continue to deny making the posts just makes you dishonest.

Additionally, I think my posts clearly stand alone. I was making a point by bringing up aribabe's name, but if it "defended" her simultaneously, fine by me.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Nope. What lit the fuse were the statements that other people were clueless and/or delusional and/or liars because their experience was different.


No. You and I are talking about two different things. The opinion _was_ taken to the extreme.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> That is actually a logical fallacy called, "Poisoning the well."
> 
> We don't dismiss the value of medicine using Claudius Galen's shortcomings as a yardstick; we don't dismiss the value of bacteriology and virology using Pasteur's shortcomings as a yardstick and we don't dismiss the value of paleontology using Lamarck's shortcomings as a yardstick. Human knowledge builds on itself.


Ha! Not hardly. The Kinsey's are brought up these days as an example of how _wrong_ they got it. If their contribution to the knowledge of human sexuality were larger than their errors, your post might be relevant. The Kinsey's are a joke.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> And her response to my stating, ad nauseam, that I do not, and never have faked an orgasm:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Actually, what I remember of your posts was that it actually was not clear to me that you had _never_ faked an orgasm. You did make it clear that you never faked with your husband. 

It seemed to me that aribabe comprehended what was not said in the same way I did, and that was why she pressed the issue.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Actually, what I remember of your posts was that it actually was not clear to me that you had _never_ faked an orgasm. You did make it clear that you never faked with your husband.
> 
> It seemed to me that aribabe comprehended what was not said in the same way I did, and that was why she pressed the issue.


I said I never faked a single orgasm. I had 2 previous partners before my husband. One at age 15 (one time) and one at age 19 (again, one time). I said I NEVER faked an orgasm. I stressed that it was EVER. Not just with my husband, but never, period. In other words, you both seemed to read something that was never there. Well, let me clarify, once again: I have never, in my life, faked an orgasm. I never had them with the first two partners, and I didn't pretend that I did. With my husband, I flat out told him I wasn't gonna, and I never have. Is that clear enough for you?


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Ha! Not hardly. The Kinsey's are brought up these days as an example of how _wrong_ they got it. If their contribution to the knowledge of human sexuality were larger than their errors, your post might be relevant. The Kinsey's are a joke.


The same could be said of Jean-Baptiste Lamarck. He's the classic example of how wrong a scientist could be. But his silliness still does not discredit an entire field of study and all those in it.


----------



## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I said I never faked a single orgasm. I had 2 previous partners before my husband. One at age 15 (one time) and one at age 19 (again, one time). I said I NEVER faked an orgasm. I stressed that it was EVER. Not just with my husband, but never, period. In other words, you both seemed to read something that was never there. Well, let me clarify, once again: I have never, in my life, faked an orgasm. I never had them with the first two partners, and I didn't pretend that I did. With my husband, I flat out told him I wasn't gonna, and I never have. Is that clear enough for you?


I won't go through your posts and quote everything that did not make it clear, but your first post said something along the lines of, "as a woman, I do not fake orgasms"--that could infer to strangers, who do not know you, that you might have faked as a teen. If your opening line in your first post had been, as some others who posted were--very clear--something like, "I have never in my life faked an orgasm", it would have been crystal clear from the get-go. There are more examples of this in your other posts. It wasn't until we were getting to the end here that you really clarified "ever" and not just "with my husband".

I believe you. Most of your posts were ambiguous, unintentionally, and that is why I had the question in my mind.


----------



## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> The same could be said of Jean-Baptiste Lamarck. He's the classic example of how wrong a scientist could be. But his silliness still does not discredit an entire field of study and all those in it.


Ocotillo,
You couldn't be more wrong. The Kinsey's were knowingly fraudulent.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> I won't go through your posts and quote everything that did not make it clear, but your first post said something along the lines of, "as a woman, I do not fake orgasms"--that could infer to strangers, who do not know you, that you might have faked as a teen. If your opening line in your first post had been, as some others who posted were--very clear--something like, "I have never in my life faked an orgasm", it would have been crystal clear from the get-go. There are more examples of this in your other posts. It wasn't until we were getting to the end here that you really clarified "ever" and not just "with my husband".
> 
> I believe you. Most of your posts were ambiguous, unintentionally, and that is why I had the question in my mind.


The thing is, RG, had I ever faked one, in my life, I would have used the words "I faked them when I was ____". But I didn't. I didn't mention, in this thread, that I had 2 partners before my husband, and when they were, until that last post. So, what I am reading is that you were working under the assumption that I was likely sexually active as a teen, because I said "as a woman"? Never mind that others have clearly understood what I said in that first post to mean that I was answering as a woman...as opposed to "as a man". This is the first time anyone has said that "as a woman" is ambiguous, meaning I could have done it as a teen. And when I mentioned that both of my sisters have told me that they have faked in previous relationships...why would I have not added myself to that number? No, as I said, you are the only person who seems to have latched onto this supposed "ambiguity".


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

young guys would react by smiling and rolling over and falling a sleep.

older men would react by not being able to orgasm a fair bit themselves and faking it from time to time!

so how would girls react to finding out their husband fakes it. sometime I just don't want to hurt her feeling.Iknow how sensitive they are about how much weight they gained over the years and I wouldn't want to add any uncomfortable feelings.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> young guys would react by smiling and rolling over and falling a sleep.
> 
> older men would react by not being able to orgasm a fair bit themselves and faking it from time to time!
> 
> so how would girls react to finding out their husband fakes it. sometime I just don't want to hurt her feeling.Iknow how sensitive they are about how much weight they gained over the years and I wouldn't want to add any uncomfortable feelings.


I would love it if I caught my H faking, so I could be like Oh Thank God, you can't get there either sometimes! Then hopefully instead of having forced sex where we were both not into, we could wait for a time when we both were.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Ocotillo,
> The Kinsey's were knowingly fraudulent.


..And unqualified too. 

Do you think this discredits the entire field of human sexuality and the people in it who actually are qualified?


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Sometimes people will accept a belief that is unjustified and untrue to make themselves feel better about something they lack.

Sometimes they will reject a belief that is true for the exact same reason.

It's a lack of open-mindedness that keeps many of you quick believers and many of you stubborn disbelievers from breaking free out of your self-rationalized and simulated realities.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> No, you did not show knowledge of this, as you continued to attempt to lord over others your wife's vaginal orgasm "rarity".


I don't remember his ever saying that his wife's vaginal orgasms were rare. The research in this area shows that while a majority of women do not have vaginal orgasms, a substantial minority (say 30% or so) can and do.

The "rarity" was as to having an orgasm from giving a BJ or other instances that would be uncommon, if not rare.

If I'm remembering incorrectly, I'm sure one of the Jaquen-haters will correct me!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> I won't go through your posts and quote everything that did not make it clear, but your first post said something along the lines of, "as a woman, I do not fake orgasms"--that could infer to strangers, who do not know you, that you might have faked as a teen.


Talk about splitting hairs.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I am sure there is a little faking going on periodically. I am not sure why women don't tell their husbands to do something different if it would help. I am sure most men would want to do better.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Considering how brutally honest my wife is with me when it comes to my performance, and how it has made me into a better lover for her, I doubt I want it any other way.

Personally if I had another woman who isn't as honest as my wife, I doubt I will stick around as I've come to appreciate becoming better as a husband and as a lover day by day. If she doesn't help me develop as a man, she is useless to me.

But that's just because I'm spoiled by my wife in this case.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> The thing is, RG, had I ever faked one, in my life, I would have used the words "I faked them when I was ____". But I didn't. I didn't mention, in this thread, that I had 2 partners before my husband, and when they were, until that last post. So, what I am reading is that you were working under the assumption that I was likely sexually active as a teen, because I said "as a woman"? Never mind that others have clearly understood what I said in that first post to mean that I was answering as a woman...as opposed to "as a man". This is the first time anyone has said that "as a woman" is ambiguous, meaning I could have done it as a teen. And when I mentioned that both of my sisters have told me that they have faked in previous relationships...why would I have not added myself to that number? No, as I said, you are the only person who seems to have latched onto this supposed "ambiguity".


I really cannot help you if you do not understand, or refuse to give credit to what I meant about the word "ambiguous" in my post. 

You decided to personally take me on--anything else?


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> ..And unqualified too.
> 
> Do you think this discredits the entire field of human sexuality and the people in it who actually are qualified?


Since you have proven that you don't know what you are talking about re: the Kinseys, I do believe that I am finished here.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> We have no desire to do that to ourselves nor to our husbands. And I have held to this. I never have, and I never will. It doesn't benefit either of us.
> 
> 
> 
> Again, if I were to do what you do, it would make me a liar in my marriage


I started to look at your posts again, Maricha, and your first 12 either reference no faking with your husband only, or you are talking about jaquen or your sisters, and you do not say anything about faking or not with past lovers. 

Around your 12th or so post, I found the above quote, where you are clearly referencing your marriage only, not any relationships beforehand.

I don't feel the need to continue finding more statements within your posts to support the fact that your posts were at best unintentionally ambiguous (I am now questioning this, since you did not constantly, as you stated, make it "clear" that you meant never-ever in all relationships--it was only towards the end that you stated this).

Anyways, I think it's pointless to further this conversation.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Trying to disprove that a woman is orgasming from a leg rub is as silly to me as me trying to disprove Santa. People believe in things that make them feel hapy, but believing things that make you feel happy don't make those things true lol.


This is exactly what we've been talking about. What if, just what if, on this planet of 7 billion people, someone happens to differ from you or the people you talk to and it is true and not just our wifes deluding us? (the way, I might add, you admitted to deluding your own husband.) 

The fact is, you cannot allow for that because for you based on the people you've talked to and your experiences it doesn't exist.

The fact is my wife doesn't delude me, that's not what she's about, it's not what we are about and I cannot believe I'm still typing about this...


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Who cares if I know that jaquens wife isn't orgasming from a scalp rub lol. Jaquen believes she is and THAT's what matters, he's the one having sex with her, not me.


Echo...

Echo...

Echo...


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Now you know my "wife" (nice way to dismiss her entire existence by the way), never claimed to come from a "scalp massage" or a "leg rub".
> 
> But I'll let you know when she does!


I don't know about a scalp massage, but I can (and have) bring my wife to orgasm from a leg rub.:smthumbup:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> I really cannot help you if you do not understand, or refuse to give credit to what I meant about the word "ambiguous" in my post.
> 
> You decided to personally take me on--anything else?


Oh, no, I understand what you meant by "ambiguous". You make the assumption that I had lovers before my husband, as a teenager. I get what you are saying. But, as I stated, that was your assumption because I never mentioned those two in my teens, until a page or two ago. So, yea, I get what you mean. But, instead of saying "Hey, Maricha, what about past lovers?" You had it in your own mind that I had sexual experiences as a teenager, and assumed that I faked it with them....all because I started in this thread saying "as a woman...."

As for only mentioning my husband regarding sexual experiences and orgasms, there was one post on this thread that I DID say "I have never faked an orgasm and I never will" HOWEVER, I will concede that that particular post COULD go either way because my husband was the only man mentioned in the post. Really, my only question regarding this is why it is only you (and likely Aribabe, since you and she seem to think along the same line) who understood the posts the way you did. 

But I will agree, it is pointless to continue. Whether it was, apparently, ambiguous in the beginning or not, I have cleared it up in the end. Never have faked one, with anyone... and never will.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> Since you have proven that you don't know what you are talking about re: the Kinseys, I do believe that I am finished here.


Let's assume that's true. This is yet another logical fallacy called a "Red Herring." It has zero to do with the original point of discussion which was whether the incredulity of a layperson qualifies them to judge the veracity of total strangers on an internet forum, especially given the fact that there is a mountain of clinical literature out there where the sexual rarities in question have been documented.

For the record, I don't believe either a Ph.D. in entomology or a Master's in chemistry provide a viable foundation for research into human sexuality, but maybe we simply disagree on that point.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

People who believed Aristarchus and Hypatia were thought to be deluded, bewitched even. When the belief in an idea involves others feeling inadequate, dumb, or incapable, believers of such ideas will be condemned... Because no better predictor for the orbit of a planet exists for the masses than that planet's prior orbit, and there's nothing people hate more than hearing about people who can do things they can't, taking a different direction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tarter Sauce (Sep 19, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> My wife claims that she never fakes but I kind f know when it's a little different reaction. She'll say that it was just a 'small' orgasm, but that sounds iffy at best in my opinion. But then there are times when she will tell me that she doesn't feel as if she will cum (from intercourse) and I should just cum when I can instead of waiting for her. So that confuses me as to if she faked a few of the other times.
> 
> Even if she did fake, I have to give her credit for going through the motions for me. I know that I'm not always at my best so perhaps St on me those occasions.


Not all women cum, and if they do they don't cum every time. If you men are worried about the gspot orgasm, why don't you concentrate on the clitoral orgasm for a while! Maybe if you use oral to get her to climax that way and go right into intercourse, her experience may be better/different. If your wife is hesitant with oral (I used to be) ask her to let you try it once and really romance her first, get her relaxed and in the mood. Music, candles, etc. Make it all about her and see where it goes! Good luck guys!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Tarter Sauce said:


> Not all women cum, and if they do they don't cum every time. If you men are worried about the gspot orgasm, why don't you concentrate on the clitoral orgasm for a while! Maybe if you use oral to get her to climax that way and go right into intercourse, her experience may be better/different. If your wife is hesitant with oral (I used to be) ask her to let you try it once and really romance her first, get her relaxed and in the mood. Music, candles, etc. Make it all about her and see where it goes! Good luck guys!


Well, oral and any other clitoral stimulation is great...for those who can have them. Not all women CAN. There have been a few who have posted that they don't have clitoral orgasms, only vaginal. It's not a case of being hesitant, or not being romantic enough. It's just that when they try, it doesn't work for them. I'm not one of them tho lol. Thus far, I have ONLY clitoral orgasms... but, that doesn't mean I am not open to trying for other orgasms. As for not cumming every time... I used to be that way. Now, I am not. Not sure what changed in me. Either way, my husband knew when it just wasn't happening. Now? Heh... orgasms every time we have sex.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I always knew there were women who faked it, I just feel bad for the man that they are doing this to. I think every man has a right to know if they are pleasing their wife properly, or need some tips to get her there. On the other hand, some women just don't feel like having an orgasm, sometimes just the connection and intimacy is enough, but it has to be communicated in a non threatening manner between the couple. It takes real honesty, it's not easy. And yes, men take a hit to the ego when they feel they cannot please their partner. Because men have them each time they have sex, they feel their partner should as well, it's not always the case.

I'm not one to easily orgasm, It could take 15-20 min most of the time, and it almost never happens through vaginal sex. One thing I will say, is that when there is a strong connection, and the sexual chemistry is really good, it does intensify the love making. For example, I was seeing someone after I separated from my ex, we had a strong connection sexually, and he was very focussed on pleasing me, sometimes he was too focused. Over the months, he became more secure I guess, and sometimes If I didn't need to get off, he didn't question it, it took the pressure off. I've never had weird orgasms from looking at someone, or having my leg rubbed, or giving a blow job, but I will say that when the person I was seeing touched me in a sexual way, it was electrifying, I felt like I was in another world at times, but it didn't make me cum at that momement, it was just a great feeling that later led to a great orgasm.

I do think there are people who do brag here on TAM, and people will say "why would they, it's a safe place etc.", but everyone likes others to believe they have it good, then they feel they are popular etc. We all did it in high school. Then there are those that are really in great situations, and great things happen to them, cannot they not share that?? IDK

I agree with the whole mind/orgasm thing, as I get older, my mind is more sexual, I let myself go more often (depending on stress, and whether I'm burnt from my kids). It's really about freeing your mind of everything but pleasure at that moment, and that's tough to do as a mom, a worker, a housekeeper etc.


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## Tarter Sauce (Sep 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, oral and any other clitoral stimulation is great...for those who can have them. Not all women CAN. There have been a few who have posted that they don't have clitoral orgasms, only vaginal. It's not a case of being hesitant, or not being romantic enough. It's just that when they try, it doesn't work for them. I'm not one of them tho lol. Thus far, I have ONLY clitoral orgasms... but, that doesn't mean I am not open to trying for other orgasms. As for not cumming every time... I used to be that way. Now, I am not. Not sure what changed in me. Either way, my husband knew when it just wasn't happening. Now? Heh... orgasms every time we have sex.


I wasn't implying that he wasn't romantic enough, I just meant if his wife was hesitant about oral, it may help her relax, and enjoy it. I guess what we can really take away from this is that every couple and every person for that matter is different so even when we try to compare stories for advice, it may not help our situation, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> As a woman, I refuse to fake orgasms. It really does neither of us any good. If I were to fake it, he'd think he was hitting it just right when, in fact, it just isn't working. I would rather just say "Babe, it's not happening this time. I'm enjoying the attention and the sex, but I'm just not going to orgasm. We'll get it next time." And we do.


My wife is the same way. If it is not happening...we switch to something else, or try again later. I do find that when she is getting really close, she has to focus on continuing to breathe...and that helps her get "over the top" easier. 

My wife's full body orgasm is such an incredible thing to watch and experience as I look up from the lower triangle point of view! Watching her in total ecstasy is one of my favorite things in the world to witness....


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The thread from hell is back in action! :rofl:


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

any man who pays close attention will know if she's faking it....I've never had that problem thankfully!


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