# Feeling Very Overwhelmed



## 5tolife (Jan 16, 2012)

I have been married for 5yrs, we have been together for 7.5yrs, we have 2 boys. We have done alot in the time we have been together, we have a beautiful house, our own vehicles, financial is not a problem, our kids are healthy. But my husband has been diagnosed with anxiety. This has come to light in the last year or so. There was an incident while out with friends, ended up being a really bad night, since then he has accussed me on a daily basis of having an affair or have cheated on him. Now the night that ended badly he was caught by a number of people making out with a girl (that was not me). I feel he is feeling guilty about that and takes it out on me. His anxiety is making him delusional and he is convinced I am out to get him. It has gotten physical between us, he threw me out of the house in the middle of the night. So I left for a few days, the phone calls and the texting started. At times he calls me an average of 25-40 plus times in a day. I am trying very hard to patient, but one person can only put up with so much. 
We have marriage counselling arranged, he has a therapist, I have arranged therapy for myself. I feel like no matter what I do or say I am wrong. I do not want my boys to grow up this way. I also don't want my boys to brought up in a single parent house, but I feel like I am the only grown up now, I am constantly reassuring him about everything. I am drained, exhausted and I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know what advice I need or want, I just want to get it out and see if I am not going nuts and not the only one living like this.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

5tolife said:


> I am constantly reassuring him about everything. I am drained, exhausted and I don't know where I went wrong.


As hard as it is you have to stop trying to reassure him and coddle him. What is really important right now is that you place boundaries with him and take care of yourself. Next time you interact with him ask yourself how you feel. Do you feel anxious, stressed, tired, hurt? Pay close attention to the feelings that come up. Then think about how you can limit those negative feelings: Dont talk to him, dont be around him, block his number, etc. You do not have to put up with his negative behavior. You can set limits on how he effects you. It is the best thing for him, too. He will not change until he experiences the effects of his behavior. As long as you absorb all the negativity that he throws at you he'll never feel it and so he wont change. When you set boundaries with him he will have to feel all that negativity. He'll be really angry at first and you will probably have to separate until he gets some real help and calms down.


----------

