# How to save my marriage?



## jamiedoder (May 14, 2013)

I am trying to read lots of books on avoiding divorce and saving your marriage. Has anyone had tried Amy Waterman's Save Your Marriage Today or The Magic of Making Up and had any success? Ive been told to read Love Must Be Tough...as well. Any advice anyone....I guess this is pretty much the principle of the 180...e.g. stopping the negative behaviour.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I've read some of your other posts. From what I can infer, he moved out in what he is calling a 'trial' separation. But want's you to buy him out of the house. It sounds like a lot of things changed after his boys trip. Were there any problems prior to that?

If there were, then you have a long hard road ahead of you. I'm not sure what it would take to bridge such a divide.

If things were reasonably good prior to that trip, and after the trip he is acting like a different person. Then I'd say he met someone. Maybe he cheated, maybe he didn't. But either way, he is escaping the relationship so he can explore this new fantasy (maybe it's a girl, maybe it's something else). If this is the case, your best chance is to take yourself off the table as plan "B". Let him know if he earnestly wants to work on the relationship to call you. Other than that, do the 180. 

Don't call him, let him call you. 

Don't tell him you love him. If he tells you he loves you, ask him if that means he is moving back.

Separate you finances. Consult a lawyer. Make sure you protect yourself. 

You can hope things will work out, but be prepared for if they don't.


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Michelle Weiner-Davis' "Divorce Busting".

All books lead to "Divorce Busting" so cut to the chase.

Somehow you will need to refocus yourself on working on YOU instead of saving your marriage. The final disposition of your marriage will or will not happen.

You have to prepare yourself for your new future and your marriage maybe saved as part of your personal changes.

You are among friends,
Stretch


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Is it just this club or world wide but surely there must be more than just the damn 180 of offer for those hoping to R.
Don't get me wrong , 7mths for me and l've been preparing myself , my finances and forging ahead with my life from day one really. Well after 2wks of depression at the start. In a way ,180 -980-3,000, you have not choice but for yourself .

But if it was R l wanted or others want , dunno about 180s myself.
2 reasons. My x before this x , did all that on me and all that did was make it easier for me to get out and more sure of my decision to actually.
l wished she did try to convince me of how much she loved me and wanted to save us, that would have gave me hope to give it another try.

But with my x now , l know if l move on she'll read that as me moving on and think it's pointless and move on herself.
There's no way she'd come knocking if she thought l'd moved on. 
So if l do want us to R , there's nowhere to go in advice because the only thing on offer seems to be the 180.


----------

