# The Marital Home



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

As some of you may be aware, I am a BS who left the marital home because my WS refused to do so. In my State, no divorce and or separation litigation can be started unless the couple is living apart, therefore one of us had to leave the marital home. He was advised (probably by one of his OW) not to leave, and as a result of that decision, I found a nice rental, along with a friend of 20 plus years who also left her spouse due to her own marital problems, and am now living comfortably not too far from the marital home. That occurred several months ago.

I recently found out that my WS changed the locks on the marital home, of which I hold half ownership to, and I suspect that this action was also on the advise of one of his OW. He told me that, should I want access to the marital home, I would need to arrange it with him. I advised my attorney of this development and suspect that she will pursue the matter further so that the end result is that I have access to the property until such time as I am no longer a co-owner.

Has anyone else had an experience such as this? Any insight into a CH who effectively locks the BS out of her home on the advise of the OW? Comments? Suggestions? I’m just trying to wrap my mind around what he believes his purpose in doing so is. I have no history of violence or vandalism, so surely it is not about protecting himself from me. I prefer legal remedies as a last resort to resolve these issues, although I would be well within my rights to break a window to gain access.

I sure could use a little hand holding here and hope that some of you have experience with a WS who is so narcissistic and controlling that he would think to punish his BS for leaving.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Is that address on your drivers license or another ID? Or do the neighbors know you live there? Just break one of the windows/glasses.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I think it depends on the state, but I thought if your name was on the title of the house, you can't legally be kept out of it? 

But some laws might be different, especially since you technically have not lived at the residence for more than 30 days. 

Definately get some legal advice on this.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

In my state whether or not you are actually a co owner of an item, anything acquired during the marriage is considered a marital asset owned by both people. 

Consult an attorney in your state. 

I think you should not have moved out though. 

You should have stayed and made his life miserable until he left. He is the cheater.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

The police get calls like this just about every damn day. When he's there just go over there with the police and they'll tell him he can't keep you out.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

keko said:


> Is that address on your drivers license or another ID? Or do the neighbors know you live there? Just break one of the windows/glasses.


Yep. Lived there for 20+ years. Neighbors know me. My name is on the title. I could break a window, however I'd rather just enter nicely at my convenience.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

S-wife, call a locksmith. I used to lock myself out all the time, no one ever even batted an eye or asked for ID when I called a locksmith. They'll let you right in. 

Where I lived it was pretty cheap during the day, less than $25. It might be more in your area, though.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> In my state whether or not you are actually a co owner of an item, anything acquired during the marriage is considered a marital asset owned by both people.
> 
> Consult an attorney in your state.
> 
> ...


He's a bully as well as a cheater. There is nothing I could have done to make his life miserable as he didn't care. Believe me, I tried. He didn't want the marriage to break up, so I told him that if he left and gave me some time to think, perhaps the marriage could be saved (I lied..lol). If I had to leave, I would get a divorce. He still refuse to leave. Wanted his cake and eat it to I suppose


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> The police get calls like this just about every damn day. When he's there just go over there with the police and they'll tell him he can't keep you out.


There is no urgency, however I have notified him AND my lawyer about this. Told WS we can let the Court decide. It looks bad for his case to lock his wife out, so I'm thinking to let it ride and let the lawyer threaten him to hand over a key. Having the whole episode in writing shows the Court the kind of person he is, and I intend to use it to my advantage in regards to spousal support etc.

I just wonder if anyone tried that approach and how it worked for them.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't think you should be bothered about him changing the locks, it's petty and he's doing it to get to you and make you believe that you'll have nothing if you leave him. So long as you legally own half, I'd have nothing to worry about.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Long story short, you have documented that he is willing to behave illegally and block you from the assets to which you are half owner. That is an accomplishment it and of itself. 
Privately, since you have moved out it would be common courtesy to not just let yourself in and go through his living quarters. You wouldn't want him to go to your rental and go through your things. HOWEVER, the big difference is that until the divorce is final, *you have the legal right to do so* as half-owner...and since he's not on your lease, he does not! That is a HUGE point!

So from a courtesy point of view, it would be polite to call first and make arrangements; however, since you are part-owner and you've never just shown up while he's out and just gone through the house and taken things--he has no legal leg to stand on. I say just use it to your advantage in court and let the rest go.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Affaircare said:


> Long story short, you have documented that he is willing to behave illegally and block you from the assets to which you are half owner. That is an accomplishment it and of itself.
> Privately, since you have moved out it would be common courtesy to not just let yourself in and go through his living quarters. You wouldn't want him to go to your rental and go through your things. HOWEVER, the big difference is that until the divorce is final, *you have the legal right to do so* as half-owner...and since he's not on your lease, he does not! That is a HUGE point!
> 
> So from a courtesy point of view, it would be polite to call first and make arrangements; however, since you are part-owner and you've never just shown up while he's out and just gone through the house and taken things--he has no legal leg to stand on. I say just use it to your advantage in court and let the rest go.


Thank you. I'm inclined to agree with you. My landlord has a key to my current residence because he is the owner and should anything happen, he needs quick access. The same would apply to the marital home of which I am an owner. There is no history of me entering the home after I moved out, however I did leave a few large items which I will need help in removing, and my spouse has acknowledged that those items are mine (ex: a large dollhouse my deceased mother built and decorated - not something HE would want).

I suggested that my step-son (his son from a previous marriage) pick it up and bring it to me, and son & myself could bring it into my new house. Spouse refused - wanted ME to arrange with HIM when I would pick it up. See what I mean? I had a solution. I just don't want to see my spouse and would rather do what I have to do without him.

I have in my possession nothing of his. I have personal items and clothing for myself, a few pieces of furniture that we agreed on, and that's about it. His OW no doubt suggested that he "lock me out" and protect his stuff.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

UPDATE: 

Went to my lawyer yesterday and discussed this matter, and she will write a rather strongly worded letter to my WS via his attorney demanding a key. Yes. He cannot lock me out, unless he buys out my interest. Until then, I remain an owner.

Not only that, this little episode won't look good for him during the Court proceedings either.

It's a win-win for me. Not that I plan on going over there often. It's a "control" issue. And a "bully" issue. He can't dismiss my rights simply because I am currently no longer contributing financially to the household in which he resides alone and which he can easily afford on his own. Somehow he thought he could take my rights away. He was wrong. And so was his "advisor" (one of his OW)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

That is a real good news update. I hope for more of those from you !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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