# Daughter going off to college. How are you guys handling thiis?



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Like most parent at this time of the year, I am getting ready for my baby to go to college. We are getting the required list going, she is buying her stuff and putting her things together. She is learning to drive. I am happy for her, she has worked so hard. She is a great kid. We've never had any problems with her. She loves a good argument, years as debate captain. 

I am really proud of her and the person she is. She is such a strong girl and very compassionate. Hates to do dishes and never does laundry. I am not going to miss doing her laundry or picking her up late all over the city when she has matches. Or staying late at school.


I find myself getting sad and wondering how the years went by so fast. She has been my constant companion for these last 18 years. I am really going to miss my daughter. 

So, parents how is it going with you guys?


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## Tango in Triple Time (Jul 14, 2015)

I was really excited for my kids to move away to college. Sure I missed them, but I never cried about it or felt sad. It was the next stage of life. Embrace it!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I encouraged my three to head off to college. It was the right thing for them to do. I wanted them to get the experience. 

The first one didn't care for it much, changed schools several times and finally quit and is only now in his late 20's back on track and doing well and is 1 year from graduating with the degree at a school that fits him. he's a musician and going to a private highly rated arts school. I'm helping him out. he works but musicians starting out don't make much.

The second loved school but also loved the freedom to try new things, not always of an academic nature. He was steady at it with a girl friend but when they broke up he drifted and went to work full time. He is doing well at his job and has been promoted up the ladder to manager level. yet he realizes the importance of education in the long run and is working to finish up his business degree, paying his own way. I offer to help but he says he doesn't need it. 

The third started college but lived at home and played way too much. He too went the work route and though he makes ok money for a young guy he sees the need for a college degree since he doesn't want to be a window installer all his life and he is back at school part time, living with a couple friends, and trying to decide what to major in. I'm letting him figure out how to better manage money on his own but am there as a back drop if he needs it.

When each went off to school I told them I'd pay for it if they stuck to it and were serious about it. All have needed some time to discover the importance of education for themselves. I also gave each a box of condoms and reminded them always to respect their partners, never do anything they didn't feel comfortable doing nor coerce anyone else to do anything and not to father any babies before their time. So far no babies.

Now that they are all out of the house I miss seeing them more often but they are men now and out forging their own lives.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Our oldest has his first year done. You can be be happy, sad, proud, nervous, and more all at the same time. I cried after dropping him off, but it was so much fun getting him ready for his dorm room and seeing his excitement and his apprehension. Just one year later he is so much more mature, it is kind of shocking. 

I made sure I had a lot to do after he left so I wouldn't mope around or worry too much. Texting makes it so much nicer than when I went to college. My parents were lucky if I talked to them once a month. We still text with our son, and truthfully with how busy he was his senior year of high school college wasn't that much different.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I broke down on the way home when we dropped our 1st son off at College.... and I'm sure I'll do the same with 2nd son next month...

I'll be alone this time as my husband will be at work...it's a season of our lives that is *officially OVER*....we'll never pass this way again... chances are he will never come back home to live (as our oldest didn't either)..

But that's OK...IT HAS TO BE... I celebrate we've had these years...I treasured every one...that he's done well in school , enjoyed his childhood -(this brings me/us great satisfaction) and managed to make the grade to get into a Good college.. he seems much smarter than me or his father put together, for that matter !

This son... he got a few tears at his last Band practice months ago... . his friends group hugging him as he walked to the car.... heck we'll miss his friends too.. but still see some of them as his brother will be a senior this year... the neighbor girl was crying on the way home.. we were all bawling!! It's an emotional time....

I made a video of his life ... friends, family, his activities, the halloween outfits, the vacations.. CC, youth group.. good times.. with songs to celebrate his life.. his future... his dreams.. to play at his Grad party in the background.. 

We've had 18 yrs to mold, nurture, advise, laugh & share in their upbringing.. Now it is their turn.. and we cheer them on.. a little bittersweet.. but so happy for them!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

It's best to not get too hung up on the idea of them leaving the nest and how you will feel. This is what you raised them to do - to go off and live their own lives, to be strong and independent and confident that they can handle it. I think if a child is still attached at 18, they may struggle flying solo. 

I also think it's especially important to be sure boys are truly ready for college. More of them drop out than women. I looked it up and it turns out women have been getting more college degrees than men since 1982, and the gap between genders is the highest for the most affluent, where 13% more women have a college degree than their brothers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

We just took our only daughter to university. No-one cried and that surprised me. On video calls since she looks like she has been crying. My wife cried the first night we got back. 

I walked past the shop where she worked and saw a similar girl stacking shelves. I almost started walking backwards on the escalator to go see her.

It seems only days since I first saw and held her. I used to remind her of that and tell her to stop growing up. Now I feel so proud that she has grown so well. I drifted through university without a goal, my wife was similar. My daughter already has the next 20 years of her life planned. That is a great comfort. Even if her plans don't turn out as expected, at least she has a plan.

She is over 1000km away and that feels so so far. My wife is suggesting we move house to be nearer her. I am torn between knowing my wife loves living here and knowing how much she misses her daughter.

Sort of thankfully we do not have an empty nest yet. A nephew has come from overseas to live with us while he studies. He is almost 10 years older than her but seems more childish and less teachable. So he keeps the house occupied but show how mature our daughter was.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Encroaching on the empty nest is very very stressful. You worry that your kids will fail to flourish and at the same time you're thinking about having to spend all day with your wife or husband for the first time in 19 years.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

NotEasy said:


> We just took our only daughter to university. No-one cried and that surprised me. On video calls since she looks like she has been crying. My wife cried the first night we got back.
> 
> I walked past the shop where she worked and saw a similar girl stacking shelves. I almost started walking backwards on the escalator to go see her.
> 
> *It seems only days since I first saw and held her. I used to remind her of that and tell her to stop growing up. Now I feel so proud that she has grown so well. *


 Don't play "Butterfly kisses" anytime soon ... We went to a Wedding the other day.. when the Bride danced with her father.. I looked over at my husband and started to tear up because I know how he'll feel when that day comes.... that it all went just too darn fast.. they are very close.. she comes & kisses him every night before she goes to bed.. and I ask if I am chopped liver (No , I am kidding !)....



> I drifted through university without a goal, my wife was similar. *My daughter already has the next 20 years of her life planned. That is a great comfort. Even if her plans don't turn out as expected, at least she has a plan.*


 Certain personality types are more planners... it's in our nature.. the J's vs the P's ...on temperament tests. (just a thought that came to me - taken from my Temperament thread 



> J = *Judging Characteristics*
> 
> Plan many of the details in advance before moving into action.
> 
> ...





> Sort of thankfully we do not have an empty nest yet. A nephew has come from overseas to live with us while he studies. He is almost 10 years older than her but seems more childish and less teachable. So he keeps the house occupied but show how mature our daughter was.


 We will have 4 left at home.. it still goes too fast.. but when they leave.. it's like a grieving for me or something....I don't feel any hold on them at all... when oldest was in college, I just waited till he got around to calling me.. or I sent him a FB message now & then...if we planned to come see him..when he could fit us in.. 

Even today.. I may only talk to him once a month.. if he can get time off to go on vacations with us, he does though..& surprises us with a pop in visit.. it's very exciting for all of us to be reunited...

I don't know.. it just changes.. I expect they will fly away..so long as they are happy, making it on their own.. it's something to smile about...

It would grieve us if they fell into a real hardship though.....it's a tough world out there.. 1st son did not yet get what I would call a good paying Job for the degree he got...just hoping in due time.. he will get something out of it... I really don't think there are enough good paying jobs to go around for all the college Grads...so much debt some are strapped with & working at Walmart...


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I was excited to see her go. We flew out and helped her move in and made a family vacation out of it. It was really gratifying to have my daughter discover some of her roots. My wife lost it at the last moment and tears flowed when we finally parted. 

This year she finished up with college and I felt it more than when she left strangely enough. She's grown up and that phase is gone for good. But a new phase has started and she continues to grow.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

My daughter going to university has made me realise how mature she is. She is much more mature that I was at her age. And probably more mature than her classmates. But maybe I am biased.

She also impressed me with how much she listened to me. I described my farm labourer jobs that paid for half my university costs. She not only got a job and saved most of her wages, she also planned her next years budget and so far she hasn't had to ask for any of our offered money. Of course realising a child listens also means you must be careful what you say. 

A lot of the divorce threads here make me wonder if people think before they speak.

I am more worried about my daughter than I expected to be. She is starting her course mid-year, Australian university years match calendar years. So she has to complete second semester units without first semester pre-requisites. Her accommodation is not ideal. She now has to cook, but she rarely cooks. 

Thankfully technology helps now. I sent home monthly letters from university. She has a video calls every day or so and texts more often.

It also reminded me that my wife repeatedly asked if I wanted a boy or girl. I didn't care, I just wanted a healthy child. To avoid a thread jack, that is moved to a new thread
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/278617-dads-does-matter-if-your-only-child-girl.html


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My eldest is starting college next month. She's been through hell with the divorce and her father is out of the picture, and her life. Despite everything, she is smart, witty, compassionate and driven. We went up for an orientation weekend two weeks ago and it was much harder on me than it was on her. She will be fine. She will come to grips with the fact that the work she did in hs to get an A won't yield the same results in a high tier college-which is what college should do for you. 

I am facing the end of daily parenting, but its not there yet. My younger DD has four more years before she's out of our nest. 

You realize that you absolutely have to change your focus. No more PTA, sports practices and sleep-overs. So I'm trying to plan to down-size and hopefuly the housing market will stay solid for a few more years so I can get my money out of this house. I'm trying to get out and do more in the community. I joined a few boards. I wasn't planning on facing this road solo, but c'est la vie.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

So that whole affirmative consent thing.....no means no yes means no maybe means no yes means yes but then means no later on silence means no girl drunk means no boy drunk means evil patriarchy


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> So that whole affirmative consent thing.....no means no yes means no maybe means no yes means yes but then means no later on silence means no girl drunk means no boy drunk means evil patriarchy


What?
Did you get your boards switched?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Pluto2 said:


> What?
> Did you get your boards switched?


Going off to college is now officially a minefield in America for young men and women. We can't decide whether to treat young women as Kurdish warriors or fragile princesses.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I cried all the way home after helping DD24 move to university. Didn't want to be alone with my H. But we all got used to it. Then it got to where I enjoyed having her home for the summer, but also looked forward to her leaving to go back to school! You'll learn to enjoy your time alone as well as time with her.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Going off to college is now officially a minefield in America for young men and women. We can't decide whether to treat young women as Kurdish warriors or fragile princesses.


This mamma didn't raise a fragile anything. No consent, no sex. Its not that difficult.

What If We Treated All Consent Like Society Treats Sexual Consent? ? Everyday Feminism

But I will say that one of the scarier moments in the parent orientation was discussing the Clery numbers with the campus public safety manager. He acknowledged the school had conducted a blind survey of over 1000 students indicating that the number of students raped in the last twelve months was about 4.8%. Only 2 reports had made it into their office. That's a significant discrepancy, especially for parents sending daughters off. This particular school has increased the number of emergency phones on campus, and last year started a "No questions asked-ride home" program that students are using.


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## BrokenVows (Oct 12, 2012)

Our oldest daughter is going off to college this fall and I tear up every time I think about it (like now). Although I know we've done our part by raising her to know right from wrong, I still worry about the "What if's", like the above ^ mentioned reports. 

Why do they have to grow so fast, I still remember bringing her home from the hospital and one of the congratulations balloons flew away...now she's going to. She initially was super excited for the new journey ahead of her but is now saying things like "I don't want to leave". Inside I'm screaming "Ok, don't go!", but I keep it inside because I know going away to college is what's best for her. She needs to experience living on the mainland and being independent and responsible...However, if she doesn't like it after a year, I will gladly have her attend a local college here


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I have an 18 year old daughter to and having her go off to college and live in the dorms is terrifying. She was the child I was the most close to and I missed her last year (her freshman year) terribly. With all the sex, drugs, booze and rotten people that hang out at college campuses, just thinking that she will steer clear of all of that is something that I hope for and as far as I know, she has. She's a bright girl and has really seemed to find her niche, which I'm thrilled about. I know I have to let go of her at some point and I can't always be there to protect her, she'll have to make her own choices now. All my wife and I have taught her along the way to guide her is what she will have to rely on. It's one of the parts of parenting that's the toughest of all.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

One thing I HIGHLY recommend is first taking your daughter to at least a few self defense classes, so they know how to at least get away from a predator, if not disable him.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

turnera said:


> One thing I HIGHLY recommend is first taking your daughter to at least a few self defense classes, so they know how to at least get away from a predator, if not disable him.


Great suggestion! Interestingly enough the college offered these classes free and she took them.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Self defense class is a must. She is loving it, now she thinks she is all that because she can flip her brother. She is now complaining that, I have a wuss for a son and he is never going to rescue her. Poor guy is just a skinny pole. 

She is getting her list together, spending time with her little cousins and having dinners with her friends. And learning to drive. She is just wondering what I will be doing when she is gone. I told her I am finding a job that pays. She goes you do that girl, do you. 

So, we have been having the drinking, sex and danger talks. I am not too worried, she is a strong and knows herself well. But still as parents we worry, how are they going to behave away from home.

It's really great how as parents we raise them to be independent, strong and achievers. But we still worry. They are all going to great. I think.

My poor husband is going to have to deal with a weeping wife on the way home. He is going to miss her so much. That girl is his everything.
He is the one who is going to expect a goodnight and morning text everyday. I going to miss our conversations. All the stupid tv we watch and going out together.

She is going to be great and 4 hours way. What can I say.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Nothing to it. My older finished a 4 year tour of duty 3 hours away by car and in three weeks going to grad school 9 hours away...

My younger is halfway thru undergrad. 12 hours away. This summer she's in France study abroad (French amoebas sigh). 

Use smartphones and everyone is happy. I'm my girls' best BFF


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