# No topic just a place to vent and get some love



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

For those of us who are having a moment or missing our spouse..come here and say so...There seems to be quite a few of us in the same timeframe during this journey....

For me.... today is a little rough...not as bad as yesterday...largely in part to the words of encouragement from this site...

No matter how we got here...we are here. Its their loss and we will be stronger in the end of all this mess...


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thanks for the thread. Today is worse for me than yesterday I do not know why we have these ups and downs but dang I figured I would be mostly over it by now but Im not. Its like I want to hear her voice and I keep wishing she would come to her senses but no chance in that. This place helps alot. Some days im like I can do this then days like today I second guess myself on this whole thing.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I've been separated from my husband since the 22nd of July. Most days I do ok, but others, like today, has been a bit more difficult. We see each other often as we live just a few houses apart from each other. In fact, he was just here to help clip the dog. Sometimes he comes over just because, but mostly to see our son (daughter is away at college, but home for the long weekend). I long to see him as much as I can so I love when he comes over. Obviously I'm having a hard time letting go. I told him that I wished he'd come home, but his response was that he "couldn't do that". He also says that he still loves me and always will, just not as a wife I guess. I'm hoping that our divorce is one of those rare ones where the ex-spouses remain friends. I think in our case there really isn't a reason not to. I was not the best wife I could've been and I've known that all along, I just chose to make a change too late.


----------



## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

ArrrrrrrrRRRRGHhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that actually does feel a bit better.

people are finding out about my situation and there attention is driving me mad.

having a fairly pants weekend, therapy is helping, counting the days until next IC session on wednesday.

still miss her so flipping much. Finding myself masssssively over-analysing the one meeting I have had with her.

over two weeks now since it happened and I am starting to get worried i still don't have a clue who the fuf I am without her


(thanks for the thread btw)


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Im right there with you Lost....I think its part of the process, as weird as it sounds I thinks it helps to feel all the emotions. It doesn't make sense at all.... but at least I know I have a heart.

I think they are hurting too...if we ever hear it from them, well that s a whole other story. 

I don't know if this will ever truly go away. I don't know how it can when you have had your plans and dreams suddenly thrown for a loop.

I don't know how long I will "hope" or if I even want to continue to hope....I am trying to realize that the woman I fell so madly in love with may not exist anymore....I don't think there is a timetable for that and I imagine everyone else's will differ...

Keep your head up today and know that the pain you feel... it shall pass. Our hearts although broken the keep beating...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

justabovewater said:


> I've been separated from my husband since the 22nd of July. Most days I do ok, but others, like today, has been a bit more difficult. We see each other often as we live just a few houses apart from each other. In fact, he was just here to help clip the dog. Sometimes he comes over just because, but mostly to see our son (daughter is away at college, but home for the long weekend). I long to see him as much as I can so I love when he comes over. Obviously I'm having a hard time letting go. I told him that I wished he'd come home, but his response was that he "couldn't do that". He also says that he still loves me and always will, just not as a wife I guess. I'm hoping that our divorce is one of those rare ones where the ex-spouses remain friends. I think in our case there really isn't a reason not to. I was not the best wife I could've been and I've known that all along, I just chose to make a change too late.



Thats tough for sure....I think its safe to say that we all could have done better...I know that is true for me...the ol hindsight is 20/20 thingee...I think we all hope that our spouses will see the change and deicide to come home...the grass is never greener and I know way to many people that have regretted there decision to leave


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

justabove keep your head up at least you were going to make the change and well it will be his loss in the long run just work on you. In my situation I dont want to be friends at this point I mean friends dont do you like this

WOEN I totally understand I was over analyzing stuff also at first then I went NC for the best it sucks and it makes you miss them that much more but hey maybe we will be over them when they finally have to face this gorilla too.

FL thanks man. These emotions are ruff but it has gotten easier than what it was at first. Im right there with you on the hope part for some reason I find myself hoping which makes it harder to let go...I have got accept its not going to be and just start getting on with life but its hard to do when someone else holds your heart.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I still miss my wife. It's been 3 1/2 weeks now. Today I woke up and have just felt so bad. Probably because it's a Sunday. Work sucks but at least it gives me something else to focus on at times. Today I went to the store, rode my bicycle, did laundry, mowed the lawn for the first time since she left. And I am still thinking of her. Rough day for me.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Right the with ya mizz. It hits me hard on the weekends and holidays just hard to get through. Sucks when you miss someone and you know your not even crossing there mind.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Last night I had the tv on and Silent Night was playing...eyes watered up thinking of Christmas without wife.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yeah I was just thinking about that when I posted something a minute ago. First time in a long time I have been alone and it just dont seem life is going to be the same without her around. Just more wounds to open up and lick I guess. Today is one of those days I just want to scream. I dont know why we miss people that do us so wrong.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Mizz...

I feel your pain too....I know its hard but try not to think of those types of things....Turn he channel do something to distract yourself...With that being said there maybe days where you just feel the need to grieve....A few days ago I listen to love songs and the tears where flowing like Niagra Falls...I just need to be in that spot that day for some reason..Since then I haven't felt the need to hear any of those songs....Although I did hear one and the tears didn't come...just made me stop for a second and I thought abut her...then that was it....

The holidays are a long way off still try not to look to far ahead one day at a time for now...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lost...
i too wonder why I even let someone who doesn't want to be around me anymore influence me and why I miss her....That I do not know..


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

FL it is crazy we love the people that hurt us the most just dont make sense. What you told mizz I do that from time to time listen to songs and I will listen to them over and over until it dont affect me. Then somedays I just want to feel the pain so I can move through it.


----------



## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I'm no stranger to grief work, but what I know and what I feel are two different things. My ex even said that he doesn't know why I would want him back after what he did and having an affair to boot. And part of me gets that and thinks, yeah, why would I want you back? But I do want him back. How twisted is that? The grief is so intense sometimes that it scares me.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I don't think you're crazy, WS. My husband didn't have an affair, that I know of, but he did (does) have something going on with a woman online and has been for some time. After all the grief that I've gone through, the months of depression I went through prior to him leaving, the lying he's done and all the times he said I was crazy for thinking he could do such a thing, I'd take him back. There would definitely have to be some changes made from both of us which includes getting rid of the FB accounts. I don't see that happening, but at this point, I feel like I'm ready to wait for him forever to come back to me. I know I won't feel like this forever, but right now, I just want him back.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yeah scorned I dont know why we want people like that in our lives. We know that we could do better but at the same time its like wth.


----------



## outofideas2 (Jun 18, 2011)

Well.. since we're just venting here. 

I miss her and my dog so damn much.

I haven't given up hope but definitely letting go and I decided that If i'm going to Love her...then i'll just keep on loving her. I don't believe there is anything wrong with that.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I just got home ugh and I miss her too...I haven't seen my wife for almost 2 weeks now and it sucks....Its doesn't sound very long when I read it..... but it feels like an eternity

I am starting to realize that this may be the way things are for a long time to come...

I still love her with everything I have.... so I am right there with you OutofIdeas2...Nothing wrong with that....


----------



## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

I agree, 2 weeks is forever in in my head also, time is just so damn slow 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

It sucks I havent seen mine in over a month. But hey if you dont see them it does make it easier because if you see them it just brings back memories. Heres hoping for a better day.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

We all have to remember that there is no manual to follow when going through a divorce/break up. I hear alot about the 180, but that just isn't me, I can't just ignore him. I can't act like I've moved on when I really haven't. We have to do what the situation dictates, if that means rolling up in the fetal position in the corner and bawling our eyes out then that is was needs to be done. That's how we will get through this and in my opinion I think it's better for us to feel the emotions and work through them then to pretend they aren't there by trying to put on a game face. I'm lucky in that my stbx tells me that he still loves me and always will which means alot to me. I know it's not the kind of love that would bring us back together, but it says to me that he still cares. I know he would be there if I needed him for anything (he's already proved that by taking care of stuff around the house that needs to be done, coming to help when I got a flat tire, etc).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no easy way to get through this, but we WILL get through it. Just when I think I'm starting to see a glimmer of light I take 3 steps back and am a babbling mess again, but those times are getting farther apart. Just keep posting here and with each others help, we'll make it.


----------



## willowtree (Sep 4, 2011)

I had a complete meltdown on Saturday, one of the worst days of my life. Almost have never felt such intense pain and just an overpowing sense of despair. I called him, and we talked for a few minutes and then he came over yesterday. We actually had a nice time together, but I am so confused.... I just don't know whether this is actually doing more harm than good. He tells me he wants to work on our marriage, but I am having a hard time believing his heart is 100% in it. I don't know if I am prolonging the inevitable by seeing him a few times a week, or if he really means it. He has refused to compromise on two issues that we actually must find some middle ground on for our marriage to succeed - one that is very important to me, and the other to him. I don't know if the counselor will eventually be able to help us work through this or not. I so badly want to help our marriage, but I am also in this protective mode right now where I am afraid to let this drag on too long either. I am just so unsure of how I will know when 1) it is going to work or 2) it is time to move on. I have difficulty thinking clearly about any of this right now.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

for some reason the past 24hrs have been really really tough for me...I want to call her and ask her to lunch or something. I haven't acted on any of it but it has been really hard. I want to ask her to come home....ugh.

Time is one of my closest friends right now I guess.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

forever learning said:


> I want to ask her to come home....


I talked to her last night about divorce stuff. She's supposed to sit and talk it over with me. I see it as a chance(perhaps the last chance) to ask her to come home and give our marriage/family one last chance.

At least it gives me a glimmer of hope.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear that FL keep your head up man and fight the urge just let the emotions go and dont call. Im feeling a little better today than yesterday but like you said we are all facing that time drifting away.

Mizz yep its one last shot maybe it will jar her head right but dont plan on it right now.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lost,

Hows it going today ? I caved and sent her a text to see how she was 

Then I asked her to lunch...she said she needed more time...Said she didn't want to get confused or muddy the waters...

If just hanging out with me for a hour would do that wouldn't you think that maybe this isn't the right path ? That s just my thought.

Oddly enough I feel better after that then I did before...how weird is that ?


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there FL. Man its been a day I tell you. Been down most of the day but feeling a little better tonight guess we will see how it goes. 

Man lol you have got to quit that. I know its easier said than done but dont cave no more let her contact you next time . I would not be hanging out at this stage at all and no contact. The big thing is it will make you feel better right now but it will prolong the healing and keep your mind in more limbo and its not worth it trust me. I have held out calling or texting for a while. Anytime I feel the urge to do something like that I call someone else and talk to them or come on here now and it helps. But as time goes you think about them but you dont feel the impulse to call or text.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

lost ...


sent you a pm


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Got it I just sent you one back I had to step away for a sec.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Just wanted to wish everyone a good week. Hope we all find a little more peace and alot less tears. ((((hugs))) to everyone.


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Amen to all of that JAW ;o) I know I am....the alternative ain't too cool. I am going to make it do what it do, baby.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thanks JAW heres too a good week (cheers)

HNH make it do it


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

So I have a good day yesterday and most of the day today then about a hr ago for some reason this stuff just starts weighing on me again. I dont understand this mess at all somedays good then it goes south grrr. I do not like this emotional roller coaster Im ready to get off this ride!


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

One day you will be able to laugh about all of this, I promise. It's like we are all given the same manual when going through this most painful, hurtful thing in our lives. Everyone who is the one rejected goes through a text book experience.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I sure hope so because right now its not funny. I agree I dont understand what the h3ll is going on and why I keep bouncing back and forth but oh well. Was a great day then tonight its like I got smacked in the face im think wtf.


----------



## lost and depressed (Aug 30, 2011)

it just sux when u love someone who has moved on and wont give u the time of day. everything hurts, everything reminds me of what ive lost, ive already been through a christmas,new year, thanksgiving, halloween, birthday, and of course anniversary and the thought of another anything without her feels like something i just dont want to bear. i have so many memories tied to her i cant seperate her from them andthey make me so sad i just feel like quitting everything. i force myself to work because im in debt over my eyebrows but most of the day i wonder to myself whats the muthaf888 point of it all. mostly i wish for death which is horrible to even admit but i just dont know how much more my heart can take before it just says enoguh already im done. i look back on my life and when i do it objectively the only thing ive really succeeded at was failure. im 31 , lost 2 homes, one to foreclosure, one to my wife, ive got a job thats horrible for my health, not qualified or educated to do anything better, lost all kinds of possessions things i loved and cherished because when i was forced to leave i had to leave it all behind, i live in a spare room w no ac in sw florida with my parents who are also broke, cant get divorced until we finish our bankruotcy which has dragged on almost 2 years, in the end i wasted every oppurtunity presented to me and keep digging that grave making it worse with everything i do, not intentionally, but truly the road to hell is paved with good intentions. im done b**ching for now.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there L&D man I have been wondering about you. As Winston Churchill says when your going through hell keep going. I hate your situation man but im telling you everything you are facing you can get through. This is tough as heck and it hurts like its no tomorrow but we got to believe that this will get better. 31 you are still young with a full life ahead of you. Ive felt like I cant get through this but thanks to TAM and some others man we will get through it we might not look like much but we will make it. Hey if we did not have bad times we would not appreciate the good. But these bad ones just suck. And you not B((ching your sharing feelings and I urge you to keep doing it. But please do quit praying for death as that is not a good option even though it does seem like it you have a good life ahead of you just believe that.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

L&D

Sometimes when things are going bad they seem to snowball...Like Lost is saying you are still young...you have alot of living left to do and things will get better....Don't give up o it....
I am not super religious or anything but I do have a little spirituality in me and I think that we aren't given anything we can't handle...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Hopefully everyones week has been better than expected...Tomorrows Friday and we are all one more week into our new lives....Here's to strength and courage


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Grrr I just wish I could scream and be over this. Had a good couple days with just a few moments then this morning I dont know.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Lost, how long has it been for you? I've been separated from my husband since July 22nd. For the most part my days are ok, but sometimes, like today, I had a mini meltdown. He comes by often because we live in the same neighborhood so he drops by a few times a week to see our son or just to visit. I don't know if that's helping or hurting. I like to see him because obviously I'm still in love with him and will take any time that I can get with him, but if there really is no hope of us getting back together (which I don't believe there is) I don't know if I'm just hurting myself by being here when he is. I don't know, it's just so confusing sometimes and I, like you, just wish it would be over with already. We both need to hang in there...like we have any other choice...things will get better for both of us.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there JAW. Well its been since July 10 for me and its rough she moved out around that time. It has gotten alot better dont get me wrong but i have my moments too. I think you seeing him and stuff is just prolonging your suffering I could not and would not do it. And yes we both have got hang in there its got to be light at the end of the tunnel even if we cant see it.


----------



## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

today was watching a movie and a scene reminded me of all sorts of things we used to do togethor - got proper overwhemled and just curled up on floor for a bit - couldn't cry but couldn't get up either - weirdness


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Wow WOEN I hate that for you but I do know where your coming from I often find myself in some of them moments but not quite as often. I cant believe my STXW tossed everything out the window but hey nothing I can change.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

It's moments like right now, when I'm home alone, son is out with his friends, that I feel like breaking down. Guess I'll get up and clean something.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Im sorry your having a rough day JAW. Hey if you feel emotions building up let them out that is the best thing to do then go clean something .


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Hope everyone is making it through the day. Even when you are on the path to healing you still have your moments. I know I was driving out of the city today and thinking thoughts of when my big headed azz H and I used to do things and I think I felt a tear come to my eye...just one though ;o) We are going to be fine, we got no choice!


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there HNH definitely having those moments today! Its crazy how sometimes that stuff hits you and just throws you for a loop. Its got to get better and like you said we have no choice. I wonder will they ever realize they had something good?


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Not mine, he is too stubborn. That's OK, it will make it easier for me in the long run.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I doubt mine will too but that will be ok we will make it. After all the pain we have probably been through nothing would suffice anyway. What goes around comes around though eventually.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

At least I have my son this weekend, thank God. Still rough though. Tears in my eyes now and he's sitting a few feet behind me. Anyway, today started off rough because I was dreaming about my wife before waking up. She was home and in a pretty dress. Just beautiful. I asked her if she would stay til December. She said no. So I woke up feeling awful.

ETA: It was one month ago today when she left.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear that mizz only if we could control our dreams. Keep it under control bud it will get better. The dreams will happen from time to time but will ease up as time goes. Good to hear you have your son this weekend because it does make it easier to get through. So how are you holding up so far this weekend other than that?


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Not too good. I feel empty and like I have lost my purpose. I'm afraid if son wasn't here I would be a real mess.

I left a msg for the wife yesterday asking if she wanted to talk about how we're going to divide things and she never called back. I have made myself available to her. But when I ask her to talk about the same stuff that she wanted to talk about, she says she's not ready. She'll let me know, etc etc. She makes me wait.

It would be to our benefit to work things out without going to court. But I cannot wait much longer.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man it is rough. I hate being at the house by myself but I force myself to sit there most of the time just to get use to it. 

Well if she would not talk with me then I would be taken it right through the courts even though I know you dont want too but it would also serve as a wake up call to her. 

Dont let her dictate the rules of the game.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I felt like I could take on the world and win yesterday..today I cried. 

It looks like I'll manage to stay here for another month while I figure out my next move..stbxh is somehow coming up with half of the electric bill(he still only has $40 in the account I know about..I'm not holding my breath..the kids and I have been living out of baskets for months in anticipation of a quick getaway..today I went through their toys and binned them up while they spent the weekend at my moms). 

Stbxh is still busy consoling girlfriend's family and not working or interacting with the kids(Superdad lasted 2 days before 'distraction' set in) while her father is in hospice and I realize today that if things had not blown up 2 weeks ago..they would have blown up this week anyway cause he still would have been in the middle of her crisis and not here as a husband and father. 

I was dwelling on parts of my big break down/blow up 2 weeks ago, when I confronted my stbxh about the relationship status on FB....all he said was that he forgot my family members were on his friends list and could see he was now in a relationship with his girlfriend ...he never said he was sorry, he just unfriended my family and left his relationship status as-is..and even though I have been working toward leaving him for years..it is still killing me that he came across so cold and calculated. 

I am also feeling a little guilty because his world is crashing down around him...he is a financial mess right now...can't afford the bankruptcy attorney to file to get an automatic stay...might not qualify for chapter 7 if I divorce him before he gets to file, creditors repossessing stuff and dragging him to court and he is about to get slammed for child support and alimony...because up until this year he was pulling 250k a year...now he is slacking off on work and shacking up with a former employee. Part of his current problem is the economy..but he should not take 3 weeks to finish a 3 day job because he only works a 4 hour day every 3rd day cause he is hanging out with his OW who was able to work if stbxh was signing her paychecks but is now back to collecting disability and distracting the father of my children. 

rant over...thanks


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Wow sorry to here that SMF. I could not even begin to imagine how you feel going through that living under the same roof. One thing we all have in common is our spouse all left us out in the cold to follow a fantasy. It seems this mess comes and goes as it please and man how it would be nice to kick it out but guess that is not possible. The roller coaster is not fun at all, My wife gave up our family to follow *hell I dont know* but I was told what a good husband I was WTF.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Wow sorry to here that SMF. I could not even begin to imagine how you feel going through that living under the same roof. One thing we all have in common is our spouse all left us out in the cold to follow a fantasy. It seems this mess comes and goes as it please and man how it would be nice to kick it out but guess that is not possible. The roller coaster is not fun at all, My wife gave up our family to follow *hell I dont know* but I was told what a good husband I was WTF.


Thanks... I put up and shut up for a long, long time time just to keep the peace. I was miserable for a long time...silly me thought I got over it in less than 2 weeks as of yesterday. Now I am fighting the urge to text him to dissect that last day and I feel pathetic. My stbxh gave up his family while still living with us...years before he officially left. I just don't understand walking away from your kids...I couldn't do it. Hugs to you!

I am getting "sorry about your divorce" cards from relatives...at least I find some humor in those....


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

That sucks you done all that and he still up and dropped out. I dont understand how people do that I guess commitment does not mean anything anymore to people but so goes it. I could not give up on my family like that no way and I was trying to fight to keep mine together only for it to go the way it did. *hugs to you too*.

Sorry about your divorce cards really? I have not go any of those. And do not text or call him its not worth it just start detaching from him. Its hard as heck but it does help a lot.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I needed some humor today, where do you find a divorce card? Would those be located in the sympathy section?!! I've never heard of such a thing. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but I just got a real giggle out of that. Is it proper to send out a thank you note when you get one of those?


----------



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

Ok, so this may be a bit too personal of a rant, but I figure all of these things are very personal to all of us. Am I the only one worry about the next time I'm going to have sex? My STBXH definately isn't having this problem with the OW shaking up in my marital home. But here I am pregnant and a soon to be single mom of a 3 year old as well. Some people going to through divorce at least have the option of looking for someone new. 

I know most of us are going through too much to even think about starting a relationship, but I really feel like in my case I got the shaft. My STBXH doesnt' have to worry about me finding someone better, because I'm knocked up and take care of a 3 year old in my "free" time. 

I was with him for 10 years, and this is the first time since then that I haven't had sex at least once a week in a slump. Now its been almost 2 months. Maybe this is just pregnancy hormones talking, but its really unfair.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Sex is kind of the last thing on my mind right now. My biggest worry is will I ever get past the feeling of "will I ever be able to just date anyone else". I don't want anyone buy my husband. I can't even begin to picture myself with anyone else. That thought scares me because it could possibly mean that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Hi everyone..sorry to hear some of the memories and feelings coming up...I was busy for most of the day helping a friend and hanging with my boy...we went to the store after taking the dogs out to get some dinner stuff and saw my wifes GF's truck (whos she is staying with) for some reason that threw me for a major loop....felt my eyes water up a little...my son just looked and me funny then I shook it off ..but WTF over..where did that come from..

I haven't even thought about sex for the past few weeks..which is kind weird for me ...I'm very sexual and affectionate and stuff. I haven't even felt any desire or anything....maybe her leaving has me wondering if anyone will ever want me or something...Maybe I just don't have any emotion left for anyone else...
I hope that it passes, I want to share my life with someone...but I guess for now I have to take care of myself and hopefully that other part will just take care of itself...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

to those of you who are here looking for a little love and cheer...my heart is with you. We are not alone in this part of our journey no matter how alone it may feel sometimes...

I wake up everyday hoping it will be better than the last...sometimes it is... sometimes not even close...

Thanks to everyone who opens up on here ...This site has helped in ways I couldn't imagine.


----------



## dhpoolman (Sep 4, 2011)

I am so glad this site is here too.
Sex is also on my mind, and the wonder if my STBXW is with someone is even more gut wrenching. I know some of you would wish they were in my situation since they know their other is already with someone.
My curiosity is now over whelming me, since yesterday she deleted her relationship status off her fb wall. I am at a new low, and have only slept 6 hours the past 2 days. Sometimes the little things seem so cruel. I've been crying for hours now.
It's actually harder to be here at my brothers house since I have to hold back my emotions and I can't cry.
I just miss her so much!


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

dhpoolman, that's when you go into the closet or sit at the bottom of the shower and bawl your eyes out. Maybe take a drive to the local WM parking lot and have a good cry. I seem to tear up at the most inopportune moments, like at the football game this last Friday or sitting at my desk at work. Even just sitting here typing this the tears came from nowhere. I just let them let flow because I know I'll feel a little better after I'm done crying.


----------



## dhpoolman (Sep 4, 2011)

Thanks, I don't konw what I would do without the help of this forum. I can cry now, since nobodys awake. I'm taking full advantage of that now as I'm typing. Thanks Justabovewater


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

DH,

Let the tears flow when you can...It will male you feel better. When ,my wife was here she was lying next to me in our bed with a wall of pillows between us...she had become a total stranger to me...the tears just started to flow...when I realized I couldn't' stop I went down stairs got on the couch a sobbed alligator tears. I felt better after...there have been days when the tears come but not like that night...and it gets less and less. 

I think the more time you get under your belt doing things on your own,(especially the thing you did together) the move you heal and realize you will be fine..
I used to thing about all the wonderful things we used to do...now I try not to think like that and just think of all the wonderful things I am going to do....

Do not talk to her or text or beg for anything from her...like GG said in the other thread....Don't show her any emotion other than you are happy...take those parts of the 180 and do it now...its for your own sanity. Its time to worry about you my friend...she is not going too ...You will be fine without her..and don't get hung up on small stuff...who cares about facebook,it doesn't matter what it says.....

I have realized recently that the woman I married and fell so madly in love with..the one who fought for me like no one else ever has...well she is gone,who I see now is a person that I do not know....I used to see glimpses of her that helped fuel my desire to not give up and to hold on....But now that I don't see her everyday and she is not knocking on the door wanting to come home....I am the only one with those feelings...
Not having her here , not having her call or text makes it easier to start to move on...you too will get to that spot...
Its no walk in the park...but it does get better.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

what is it? does the other spouse have some sort of Radar? Im sitting here having coffee trying to be helpful to others and I get a text from the wife...

How are you ? 


I mean really ? I just made another cup of coffee and sat down...so I am here typing to you guys instead of her....


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thats the way to go FL! DH definately let it out any time you feel it coming on because you will feel so much better. It sucks and it will take a good while to heal but it will help you to heal. The sex stuff is kind of away from my mind even though it does bother me that she is doing whatever. We will make it one day at a time for sure.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I am really hoping that I can stay off of the 2010 tax return....I am looking at the possibility of going back to school and his 2010 income is going to muck up financial aid. Now I am trying to figure out what I want to be ....stbhx husband would only agree to pay for me to go back to school if I went into nursing(controlling) ..I am thinking maybe cardiovascular tech or xray tech. Still researching...lots of pre-req's to get through first no matter what....

He was supposed to work today and has yet to swing by to pick up his work stuff/van...guess he's busy hand holding again today..I hope that he is keeping in contact with his clients explaining why he's been MIA for the last 2+ weeks...but it's not my job to remind him how to run his business anymore. I can't believe that he is throwing everything away...so glad that I am no longer directly involved with that train wreck. 

Today, so far, is a good,hopeful day.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey there SMF yeah try and stay off his tax return. Either one of those fields would be great. 

I bet he is busy doing the hand holding etc but thats ok he will regret it one day. 

Glad to hear so far so good.

Mine is so so right now.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Well I got up at 5:30 to take my boy fishing. Of course I went to a place that I had memories of her and the kids and eyes wattered up thinking about those happier times. I tried not to let my son see. I don't think he did.

Sex? I miss my wife's touch. I need to heal before I think about anyone else but I fear I may never have anyone else love me, much less have sex with me again.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

SMF,

You are correct you don't have to worry about that anymore...
Kinda nice to not have to worry about what someone else thinks about you field you should go to school for....just you.
(Of course it would be different if it was someone that supported you 100%) 

I don't know about the tax stuff but you should be able to be off the part from when you guys split...although doesn't sound like he has been working to hard since ....

Glad to hear you are having a good day...

Mine sent me a text out of the blue " to see how I was doing " 
and when I didn't respond she sent another... saying she was just checking on me and was sorry if she crossed a boundary I had set and that she would leave me be ....wtf? 

That threw me off today a little so far...
But its sunny out and I am going to go enjoy it


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

TheMizz...erable said:


> Well I got up at 5:30 to take my boy fishing. Of course I went to a place that I had memories of her and the kids and eyes wattered up thinking about those happier times. I tried not to let my son see. I don't think he did.
> 
> Sex? I miss my wife's touch. I need to heal before I think about anyone else but I fear I may never have anyone else love me, much have sex with me again.



Mizz,

the love and touch will come again in time....have faith. we sometimes forget when we are feeling down...

Its ok to feel those memories....the next time it will be a little less painful and so on...
This is a hard road ...it takes time to get through it all.....


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

TheMizz...erable said:


> Well I got up at 5:30 to take my boy fishing. Of course I went to a place that I had memories of her and the kids and eyes wattered up thinking about those happier times. I tried not to let my son see. I don't think he did.
> 
> Sex? I miss my wife's touch. I need to heal before I think about anyone else but I fear I may never have anyone else love me, much less have sex with me again.


I hope it gets better for you..hugs! Walt Disney World was/is one of my favorite places...of course he proposed in front of Cinderella's Castle and we got married on property with the Castle in the background...and it was one of the places where he would actually somewhat interact with the kids like a dad. I really hope that WDW hasn't been ruined for me or the kids. 


I have zero interest in romance/sex at this point...of course there is a friend I went to H.S. with who is getting a little a little too aggressive/suggestive in his daily 'how are you doing?' texts..I have been politely changing the subject so far..going to have to block him pretty soon if he doesn't get the hint..he's 1200 miles away and freshly divorced himself.


----------



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

I really think for me the sex stuff is the hormones from my pregnancy. I'm not even close to thinking about another man romantically. I've just been having alots of sex dreams about my stbx. Which makes me feel like crap when waking up. It must be because Iknow that sex was always a good thing where we connected amazingly. So maybe its my mind holding on to the one thing that I think is still the same.

I know I don't want him back. He isn't the same person that I fell in love with.


----------



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

On the note about doing things or going places you shared with your stbx. I went camping last weekend. A huge step for me. I had never camped before my husband, and I never went anytime without him. Last weekend was tough, but it was also so good. I saw that I really could be independent and continue to do the things I loved about our life together. I didn't have to throw it all away because he had tossed me aside. 

I cried about 12 times that trip, but next time will be better. I came home feeling lightened. Its been almost 3 months since dday & 1.5 months since I filed for divorce. I can definitely say things are getting better. I read so may posts that remind me of how tought things were. The sleepless nights, the constant tears. I know everyone says you just wake up one day and know you are doing better. I think I might be getting there. 

Next thing on my list is fishing... I'm going to have to learn how to tie a fly on my line. But now I feel like nothing is going to stop me.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Just a bit of sick satisfaction I had to share with someone.....

After doing a little detective work I found out what the girl looks like that my husband has been carrying on with on line. Now, I don't consider myself beautiful, but I'm not bad. My teeth are straight and my weight is pretty much in line with my height. I cannot say the same about her. He says he doesn't know what she looks like and I'd have to agree, otherwise....well....I doubt he'd be sending her the messages he has been. Buahahahaha!


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Glad to hear you are getting better lostjb. It will take time but we will all get through it and come out alot stronger in the end.

JAW are you serious he doesnt know what she looks like wtf is wrong with him. Anyway some people have issues well anyone that would just up in leave has some issues.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Been thinking about karma today....and trying hard to behave..because he is already feeling the effect of karma and I suspect it's about to get a lot worse for him and the OW. I don't need to bring bad upon myself.

I wanted to break into his facebook and take down all of the pictures he has of me because he is trying to play broken hearted victim/family man while living with OW and showing that he is in a relationship with her..and not doing sh!t for his kids......but I didn't. 

He forced himself on me the night before he announced to the world that he was in a relationship with the OW..I know for a fact that I am not pregnant...but part of me wants to torture him when he asks(and I know he will) and maybe shake up OW's happy little housewife fantasies for a little while. But I know this is wrong too, but technically my cycle is no longer any of his business and I don't have to tell him anything..... I know immature, desperate and cruel but it's still a thought that raced through my head that I have to deal with....

He is telling me that he will pay half of the electric bill due..on the absolute last day to pay.."after" I pay my half....which will leave me $300($200 after I pay for phone and internet) until I find a job or child support/alimony kicks in(maybe)....and he said he would buy my groceries until my food stamps came in(dad of the year has only coughed up $40 and a bag of dog food since August 30th) I know this is controlling, abusive behavior but it's this or move the kids to my moms on Wednesday....I just have to decide whether it's worth putting up with his crap to stay here closer to more job opportunities/schools/resources or if I should just cut my losses and move to the middle of nowhere where it will harder to get back on my feet. 

Ughhh...can I even move the kids out of the marital home if he is 'offering' to pay to keep us here? Can't talk to the lawyer until the 19th


----------



## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

ok so i've been trying like hell to stay busy and active - sports, swimming, walking into town, starting to sort house ready for sale etc. - it helps as a distraction but my anxiety levels about whether someone in the future will ever want me and how the hell do I go about meeting people...? (all mutual friends are W's  )

I concur with the sex comments in that I wonder if and when it will ever happen but I think deep down I know that I have to keep working on myself - physically, mentally and emotionally before anything else - it just reeaaallly frustrates me that I think she is already moving on - GRRR


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

SMF you dont even have to do nothing like that. Karma will take care of him on its on!

WOEN I know what you mean I feel the same way about meeting someone in the furture. This is a learning exp. for us all and one that I would rather have not had.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Just went snooping and wish that I hadn't. Found their couple profile on a kink site where they are actively looking for a 3rd(bi-woman) and a large group activity...and OW has been blogging about their search for over a year. She also blogged about how well he has been treating her family...going to nursing home/Doctor meetings for her father, visiting her dad in the hospital and nursing home when she was sick, and grocery shopping for her when she's sick...grrrrr. Of course they will see that I snooping around their profiles so I created a profile stating that I was only there to see what my husband does in his spare time...and I printed out about 12 pages of blog postings...not that I can prove it is them..it's just a picture of her fat naked butt propped up on her ugly ratty couch..I'm in a no fault state anyway.

This on top of the story I was told last week about setting up another women and her teenaged daughters next door to the OW...and I lost it..texted him that I wanted to move this week, that I just wanted to wash my hands of him and get my distance as quickly as possible. And now he's claiming that he didn't want our marriage to end, and in the same text said that he didn't plan on OW's dad dying or going into the nursing home....gah! 

The USPS also sent notice that he changed his address....

I really just want to move on from this....

Also adding STD testing to my list of things to do now and 6 months from now....


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Ok ..Was going to meet stbxh for school open house for 7 y/o where he is supposed to give me cash for the 'pay or get shut off' electric bill due tomorrow. He of course shows up with a check (for half) 15 minutes before my bank closes...so he got to take the kids into the pre open house dinner while I raced to my bank. It was written from the OW's bank account and she had that memo line filled with memos..lol. 

He made a comment about my 'fancy hair style'(messy bun held in place with a Bic pen) and kept leaning into me. ughhh

We remained civil. She was texting him non stop which was annoying. 

He came back to the house and did fish tank maintenance and took pictures of the cats so he can find homes for them(last week OW's dog hated cats..this week OW's SIL is supposedly deathly allergic to them so that's why he can't take them..originally they were his great idea against my wishes)

Instead of hanging out with his children(after going MIA for 7 days) he spent his time telling me about everything 'he did' for OW's father at the hospital, hospice, etc. I am curious to see if he is mentioned in the obituary.

He also asked to see what I can do about getting into public housing instead of going to my mother's house(yes he is pressing for the projects over grandma's house for his kids)...says we'll go month by month here depending on what he can afford to pay....i.e. leave me hanging every single month...so not only do I have to worry about BOA locking me out while I am at the store(heading toward foreclosure)..I can worry about not having the cash to pay the electric bill too.

The kids have a 3 day weekend(Sat-Mon), so he asked to take them Friday night through Monday evening..I agreed since it will stretch the groceries that I do have and I have 2 appts on Monday that I cannot/will not take the kids to...the morning appt is Salvation army(bad part of town/soup kitchen) to see if they will make next months electric payment for me(not going to tell stbxh if they do) and in the afternoon my appt with legal aid.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Wow I am sorry your going through this mess. Hes sounds like a piece of work right now. When this does finally hit him he will regret it. I would continue with the original plan to stay with family.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

SMF,

sorry to her your situation...he does sound like a piece of work...
definitely look out for you and the little ones...don't trust anything out of him and don't do anything for him


----------



## dhpoolman (Sep 4, 2011)

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt

Really think about that!


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Paid my electric and internet bill this morning so I have a month to figure things out/get things rolling with the lawyer. Last night I started talking to the kids about the possibility of a move in the near future. They automatically assumed that we would be moving in with stbxh and OW...and I had to squash that little fantasy quickly...I hate telling them that "mommy and daddy don't get along" truthful..but not the whole truth..it's like he gets a free pass.

The my eldest turned 9 a couple weeks ago and we were at the store picking out his cake and ice cream and the 7 year old was pouting and carrying on every time the 9 year old picked out what he wanted..so in order to keep the peace the 9 y/o automatically offered to pick whatever the 7 year old wanted. I squashed that nonsense at the grocery store..and have since had frequent, kid level conversations about not letting someone else bully you into something that you don't want or want to do. 

Since stbxh left... the house stays clean, the kids listen a little better/sooner and they are asleep before 9..instead of keeping themselves awake as late as possible..11pm, midnight or later...I think this was in hopes of seeing their father if he happened to come home late(he never did)....so that is an immediate improvement from life 2 weeks ago.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Wow I am sorry your going through this mess. Hes sounds like a piece of work right now. When this does finally hit him he will regret it. I would continue with the original plan to stay with family.





forever learning said:


> SMF,
> 
> sorry to her your situation...he does sound like a piece of work...
> definitely look out for you and the little ones...don't trust anything out of him and don't do anything for him





dhpoolman said:


> "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
> 
> Really think about that!



Thank you all. Thank goodness I found this forum!


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey glad to hear you got your bills paid that is good. Yeah this forum has been a blessing to me. Today is one of those days I dont know why but I am missing her really bad and for some reason I cant keep her off my mind. I dont know why I feel this way because its obvious she does not care or even feel nothing like I do but oh well. I just need to make it through the day..Lord help


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Hey glad to hear you got your bills paid that is good. Yeah this forum has been a blessing to me. Today is one of those days I dont know why but I am missing her really bad and for some reason I cant keep her off my mind. I dont know why I feel this way because its obvious she does not care or even feel nothing like I do but oh well. I just need to make it through the day..Lord help


I understand completely....I hope it starts to get better for both of us soon.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Why is he here 4 hours before the kids even get out of school?

ughhh....


----------



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I just want this divorce to be over so I can go back home to my family. Minus Grandpa who passed away early Labor Day morning.

And why the h*ll does he bother coming home on weekends?? Can't he just take his skank with him? Oh, I forgot, he has other skanks in Redmond


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Are any of you able to imagine yourself with anyone else? Do you even think about it? I often find myself wondering if I'll ever be with anyone else and what my future holds for me in the relationship department. I'm not even close to even wanting to be with anyone, but when I think about the future I just can't even fathom myself with anyone but my husband...I can't even begin to reference him as my STBXH, it just sounds so foreign to me. Today I was thinking to myself that I hadn't cried in awhile, like over a week, and what happens to me while I'm watching, of all shows, Americas Funniest Home Videos, I start bawling. Just when I think I'm doing ok I fall apart.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I am able to imagine it a little bit. I know it will be sometime before it will actually happen though. I must admit I still think about my wife a lot and I miss her touch.

I try to get out of the house a bit. Go to stores and wander around. I look at women and wonder what if she would be a potential gf. Not seriously, but the thought is in there. What if it's her? Or that one? Just that bit of curiosity in my mind I guess.

Also in some stores they play music. And I hear these damn songs and my eyes water up because everything makes me think of her. I don't think so much of the troubles and frustration. I think of her as someone I should have been with for the rest of my life.


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Took a nap today and had a dream that I was begging(and crying) stbxh to come back...so I woke up confused and sad and two minutes later was pissed at myself for being sad that he was gone...because I have spent most of the weekend trying to figure out my 5 year plan that is so much better than the last 10+ years with him..


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Ugh ...this is never easy is it...thought I was making good progress...then she through me for a loop a few days ago ..which in my own stupidity I turned into a glimmer of hope...

Then today she reminded me of the reality of it all....

At least I now not to do that again...

Its kinda like stubbing your toe on that piece of furniture ..hurts like a mother hummer but you know where it is and how it happened ..and watch out for it so it doesn't happen again...


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yep at times I think the unimaginable of her coming back. I have to ask myself why would I take her back. Then I run through all the bad stuff and well this just takes the cake. She violated my loyalty and comittment to the marriage and that is somethign I dont think I can get past. Even though I still love her knowing she walked out of here for another guy and I had never cheated etc and gave her plenty of affection and done house work cooked for the kids so when she got home she did not have to. I mean hell I dont alot it was not worth walking out on so NOPE


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Ok so I cant help but think about the pst few days..here is the rundown...

she texts me out of the blue sunday morning...How are you ? 

I didnt really know what to say or if I wanted to say anything...we had not really been in contact other than financial stuff and so I didn't quite know what to do....

so 25 min go by and she texts again ..sorry I'll leave you be. I just wanted to check and see how you are doing..Perhaps that crosses a boundary I didn't know you established. I apologize...

I didnt respond ..I was like wth ?
the next day we text about some finance stuff...

then the next day she texts me about some mail or something...I didnt respond and she asks me... if there is a reason why I am not responding to her...if its space you could at least just tell me that...

I waited a hr then texted her back... she didnt like my text and said..
ok whatever..
I told her i wasnt expecting anything important in the mail so it was no biggie...

then she said its weird how quick you changed your ways..now you can hardly respond to me..I figured it wouldn't take you long to move on.....
I didnt respond to that...so she texts me about finance stuff knowing that I will answer that....
I answer her the questions (we already discussed a few times...)then she tells me some stuff about the kids and we discuss some things about them...then she says ok have to go work for a bit ...

should we file for divorce..

really wtf over...

I didn't answer that was trying to figure out what that was all about...a couple hrs goes by..she texts....no answer ?

I said I thught you had that all figured out..she texts back..

word. :scratchhead: 

The next morning I get a text...I put the mail and the divorce packet on the counter. Sorry I was grumpy yesterday I ll try to be more respectful of your space..

I asked her why she cared about my opinion if it doesn't change the way she thinks abut things..
her reply was
I cared about your opinion when I asked you yesterday..but now it seems like whats the point of even dragging it out..now you can move on and so can I, I guess..
some days are just hard...

Sorry this is long winded...I make the last part short

So I pick up the phone and call her and we talk about it for a little bit ...don't really get into to many details we were both working but I was sick of texting and wanted to at least talk on the phone...( she won't go to lunch or anything , she says it to hard to see me )

Later that eve I had a question about something she said so I called her and we talked ...she cried a little ..and we talked some stuff out..She was upset... saying how hard it was... and how she missed me and our home... the dogs etc...she was leaving town early the next morning so we just kinda ended our conversation..

so she was suppose to be back to work today and I sent her a text asking when she was done working if she would like to go for a walk with the dogs...
she texted back a little bit later she said... No just got in at noon and was working till such and such time and Im kinda pooped..
I say thats ok....I am just reaching out to you I miss you...
she said thanks but its to hard for me to go back and forth.

I told her yes I agree lets move on together 

then she asked me why I was doing this... she gave me divorce paperwork....

I replied I thought it was a mistake and I think you do too ( by what she was saying to me on the phone before she left ) 
I am going to continue to fight for you or our family
she said.... ok let me know when the papers are signed Im not going to do this anymore

Man that is alot to read sorry...just trying to get the whole story out there from today..

What a mess....I signed the papers and will get them to her tomorrow....she sent her message loud and clear today...

I feel like an idiot even letting here get to me like that...


----------



## Ember (Jul 17, 2011)

Thank you for this forum! I've been dealing with all of the crappy games that my wife has been playing for over 7 weeks...now, due to the fact that she simply won't end her affair, I am moving out...I'm taking as much of my belongings as I can carry, and putting them into storage...my apartment is available on the 1st of October, so that's my move date. Being "separated" while still living together was the most horrible decision I could have made...but it is what it is...sigh

Ember


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dang FL sorry to hear about that bro. Just leave her be remember from time to time she is going to talk like that to sense where you are emotionally so she knows she has a backup plan. Dont fall for it like you did this go round. That is all she is doing is trying to see if your in her pocket.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Well shoot today is one of those days for some reason. Divorce is right around the corner and she still enjoying the OM. I guess everything will get better but right now I just cant see it. I just wish something could take the sting and pain of this away but seems nothing could do that except a early trip out of here.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm feeling the same way today, Lost. Actually been having some slight panic today. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm super tired, but I feel so sad and lonely.

One step forward, three steps back.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear your having some panic today. Im tired, sad, lonely and tired of fighting this battle with myself to let go of it all.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

hi guys...must be in the air today...

dropped off the papers today at her request....thought I had already hit the lowest spot...but realized today that I hadn't....

I had to come home and let the alligator tears come...my sweet dogs just laid by my side...

Its another step I know and I am sure its going to be up and down still...the stress is wearing me out....


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Lost, I don't think letting go is something that we can force ourselves to do, it think it's something that we learn to do over time so quit fighting it. 

Since this whole thing started all I've read is that we need to be "acting in this way" or "doing it that way" in order to get through it all. I've finally decided that I'm not going to force myself to be "any way", I'm letting things happen as they may. I may change my thinking as I get further into the separation, but as it stands now, he hasn't made a move, neither have I. I go about my day as best as I can. If he comes over or calls/texts then so be it. I'm not going out of my way to do anything but get through the next minute, hour, day.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

FL keep your head up man and let it out as you need too. Its definitely going to be up and down for a while and the stress is a b****.

JAW Thanks for the words of encouragement. Wish letting go was alot easier than it is just makes everything so dang hard to cope with. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever open my heart up to be hurt again but guess that should be the least of my worries.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

thanks you guys...It has been a pretty tough day, but I am feeling better...


----------



## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

When stbxh dropped of the boys last night, I ran down my schedule for when I would need the van...Tuesday & Weds next week..he asked what for and I explained that boys were going to the dentist and it was usually an all day event and I had a morning appt on Weds but would be back after lunch. He asked what kind of appt..I answered simply that it was 'for me' and left it at that..he doesn't need to know I am going to see a therapist ..when I had PPD after my 1st son was born he was adamant that I keep my issues 'in house' and figure it out on my own


Stbxh was supposed to come pick up van for work and drop of dogs today..so I spent all morning putting off my shower because I didn't want to be in there and him popping the door lock to have some 'important' conversation that couldn't wait 5 minutes.He never did show up...so I texted him to just keep the dogs there, since he wasn't going to work there was no way to pay the bills for next month..I was just going to pack up and go to my mom's house sometime before the utilities got cut off .

He texted back that I was 'thinking' too much and he wasn't going to tell me what was going on financially or give me money for groceries since I was keeping secrets about my appointment on Weds......btw this is why I am going to the therapist because he is threatening to withhold food from his children because I am not telling him what 'I' am doing....I am so sick of his games.


The lawyer told me to ask for everything at my meeting yesterday..told me what I couldn't keep I could sell. If he doesn't fight custody my legal aid divorce will cost a total of $35...if he fights, it will cost me thousands.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Had a decent day. Im coming to terms up to a point about the whole situation and realize here within the next few days I will officially begin a new chapter in life and how hard its going to be. I have came to the conclusion that I will never do this again and open myself up to be hurt no matter what it means. Not sure if that day is going to change much sometimes I feel like just giving up but then she wins but either way she wins I guess. I'm stuck sitting here with memories and she is having the time of her life with the OM...how in the hell is this life.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Seems like some people go thru a trial by fire, so to speak. One thing is for sure, this kind of thing will toughen us up.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

lost,

I think that its just part of the healing...its ok to feel like you wont open up again to someone right now...you cant ,your heart is somewhere else and is hurting...Time will take care of that....
I Know, I know....I have heard it too...

My stbxw is out traveling and doing things that make me wonder if there is another person already but I have to come to terms with ...well it just doesn't matter....That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like *$!!*8 but that it what the situation is...

She doesn't win ...It may seem like that at the moment but when " real " life catches up with her she will be regretting her choices...
Remember she left for another dude...how does that make her a better person? It doesn't ...she will continue to just move from one to the next. You deserve better...we all do.

If you are like me in this mess ....I have a hard time remembering the bad...I for some reason have been focusing on all the good things in my marriage and not the bad...sure if I think of the bad stuff I think why am even giving this woman another sec of my thoughts...well its because we love them..whether its right or wrong that is what it is...

There is no manual in all this so we must follow our hearts and do what is best for us...Its a learning experience and we will come out stronger and better prepared for giving someone the love and companionship we desire....

Don't give up ...the sun always shines, even after after the worst of storms.....


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thanks bro FL for your words of encouragement. Im hoping I will run across someone that will have the same avalues in life that I have and go from there. Love scares me because of the scars it has left. Would be different if I was a bad husband and deserved it but I didnt well I hope OM will continue to keep hear afloat and do whatever she wants. Not me no more my time is about up and Im done with her for life. Its a thin line between love ad hat and shes on it.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

This song has really helped me

Dub FX - Love Me Or Not - YouTube


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

lost,

you'll be fine brother...its her loss and she doesn't deserve you anyway..There are plenty of woman out there that will love your values...just give it time....

Just be true to yourself and the rest will take care of itself...


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I understan that bro but im looking at options and they dont look too good hell I dont know if I wanna stay around and wait and take a chance again.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Today I was missing my wife. Lately I have been coping a bit better. But today was rough. Could be due to the lack of sleep last night.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yeah mizz that will definitely play into it at least it does with me. This morning was ruff for me and dont really know why. Its still on my mind but not as bad. I wish we could wave a magic wand and make it stop grrr.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I wish I could call for a do-over.  I'd go back at least a couple of months and do things differently.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

TheMizz...erable said:


> I wish I could call for a do-over.  I'd go back at least a couple of months and do things differently.


You and me both man. Might go back some years if I knew this would be the ultimate outcome:scratchhead:. Never again for me this was a one time journey.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I think we'd all love a do-over, I know I would. The things that I would change. I wouldn't have been such a bare (or is it bear) to live with. I know I didn't make life easy for him. I was verbally abusive to him at times. I've said some really horrible things to him that I wish I could take back. I know I hurt him with my words and am appauld with my behavior over the years. It wore him down and now it's killing me. Yeah, I'd do alot of things differently.


----------



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> I think we'd all love a do-over, I know I would. The things that I would change. I wouldn't have been such a bare (or is it bear) to live with. I know I didn't make life easy for him. I was verbally abusive to him at times. I've said some really horrible things to him that I wish I could take back. I know I hurt him with my words and am appauld with my behavior over the years. It wore him down and now it's killing me. Yeah, I'd do alot of things differently.


I could have written this, word for word.
What is important is that you learn from this. We can't change the past, oh how I wish we could, but we can work on the present and be better in the future.

Hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Today I am missing my wife bad,I want her to come home..it must be in the air or something..And I also would like to put in for a do over..
I agree with DG.....I know that someday ..well I hope that someday I will have an opportunity to give my heart to someone and I want to make sure that I have learned from my previous mistakes...I know that I am not going to go through all this suffering and not become stronger and learn from it...


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

FL it has to be in the air man this is not how I envisioned this stuff going. But I agree hopefully someday I will be able to give at least part of my heart to someone but I hope I never have to endure what I went through this time.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lost,

Yea I hope to never have to endure this again...this has been the toughest thing I have ever gone through....I have never loved like I love this woman.... I am back to taking it min by min....


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Well I said if I could I'd go back a couple of months. I believe we'd still be together. If I could go back a few years I'd do that too. I've made plenty of mistakes. 

But even now, if she gave this marriage one more chance, I would change things NOW. I still believe that the marriage could be saved.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Im back to taking it minute by minute to FL

Mizz I would change a few things but not too much. If I could take it back a while ago I would change alot. I think now if my STBXW wanted to come back I would have to say no because knowing what I know it could not be salvaged and I cant take a chance of going back through this again with her.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Yea I am getting to that same point...Even as much as I miss my wife..I don't know if I could handle anything like this again. 

I was making good progress then she sucked me back in and then she went back to her same ol stuff....She is out of town and the more I am away from her the more it starts to become clear again...
I do miss her though and I look to see if she has texted me or sent an email...I have a thick skull and have a hard time letting go .....I have a feeling its going to be a long winter...

thats ok though. I have learned a ton about myself through this crazy journey I have been on... and I will take the time I need to heal from loving this woman.... I can't just turn it off and there is no quick fix....


----------



## Crystal22 (Sep 23, 2011)

I wish to vent

I am brought down if there is a bad atmosphere, be it in the home or out.

How can I keep the good mood I am in if others are less positive?


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

FL its definately a long journey and letting go is the hardest thing I have done and still have not completely accomplished yet. I know it is the best thing for me to do. I am with you on the long winter that is one season I am dreading.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Crystal22 said:


> I wish to vent
> 
> I am brought down if there is a bad atmosphere, be it in the home or out.
> 
> How can I keep the good mood I am in if others are less positive?



The best thing I think is to just avoid that as much as possible..sometimes easier to say than do I realize...the negativity feeds off itself...hard to stay up if your surrounded by that....Find happy places even if you have to do it by yourself...

Lost,

I have gone backwards quite a bit ever since her comment about the d papers a couple weeks ago...It doesn't help that it has been raining non-stop for as long as I can remember.... 
I need a vacation ....


Regardless of what happens.....I think we should try to visit back here in a year from this date ( like a few others have ) and post how we are doing. 
I am remaining confident that time will make it better and if it truly does....... coming back and posting may help others that maybe going through the same thing....


----------



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Am I the only one who is all too eager to be divorced and on my own again? As soon as I fully discovered the sh*t that my stbxh is capable of and the things he continues to do, my mind suddenly switched off any love I've ever felt for him


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

No your not...for me I wish I could throw the switch. I still remember the good times more than the bad....I think I still carry guilt from what I did and didn't do in my marriage...I went full circle from being the best husband to being the worst and back again....

I am still fearful of the finality of throwing that switch because I am still in love with her...So for me it is still a struggle.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I agree with FL I wish I could throw the swith. 

And FL most definately we will have to post 1 year later which I imagine I will be spending some time here. This is the worst exp. I have had so far in life. I still dont know where my life is going to head after this.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm with you FL in that I fear the finality of it all. Though neither of us have actually talked divorce yet or the details of our separation I fear the day that he comes to me and says "I'm filing". I still hold out a seed of hope that he'll change his mind and decide this isn't what he wants, but I know if that were to happen it wouldn't be for quite some time. He's not been gone long enough, and hasn't been on his own as he's living with his mom right now, to feel what it's really like to have the life he thinks he wants, or to feel the reprecussions of his decision.

I too feel guilt about things I've said and the way I've acted over the years that brought us to the place we are now. I need to learn to forgive myself soon or this pain and guilt are going to overwhelm me and keep me from moving on.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Ugh well today I checked the mail and guess what I found..a court date for divorce.....Geez I thought that she would at least let me know when she was going to file. 

I hoped she was just going to hold onto the packet for a while but she must have taken down that same day....

Oct 17 ..at least its not on my b-day ( the 21st ) that would've made it even worse....

So much for fairy tail endings...F*@# !!!!


----------



## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

I am sorry for all off us who must go through this loss. It hurts so badly to see a dream of a happy life disappear. Especially when you still love him.


----------



## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

Hi ! I just got a letter in my mailbox, left by my husband, with his lawyer,s number. He has only been gone a week but he is the type that never looks back. So I know the shI ock and sadness you must be feeling today. But, you will survive. I think it has to be worse for men-they usually have no one to talk to. I will be on most evenings because I have spent most of my life wasting my energy on him and moving with him, that I do not have any real friends that I can lay such sad news on. Talk all you need here. It will get better


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I am in disbelief of the upcoming finality of it all...I am going to take some trips....planning out 2, one to see my dad and the other to see my buddy and his family in Hawaii...one in Nov one in Dec

Oct is going to be a long month....at least I know which direction I am going...

On another note it finally stopped raining here for the first time in I don't know hoe long....I forgot what blue sky looked like...Im gonna go out and get some fresh air........lord knows I need it


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dang FL I am so sorry to hear that but at least now you know what you have to do. Better days ahead my friend just keep your head up man. The closer it gets to mine the more distressed I am for some reason and I dont know why. I think its because I know that its a done deal and never no going back. If life is a game I dont think im interested in playing no more grrr.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

NURSE51 said:


> I think it has to be worse for men-they usually have no one to talk to. I will be on most evenings because I have spent most of my life wasting my energy on him and moving with him, that I do not have any real friends that I can lay such sad news on. Talk all you need here. It will get better


That is true for me. Wife had a nice support group of family and friends and even talked to them BEFORE she told me she was leaving. I have no friends and not much family to talk to. And that makes it even harder. But even talking to strangers on sites like this helps. I found out that I am not alone and that eases the pain a little bit.

So far I've only told dad, an aunt and 1 cousin. I have been able to tell one friend that I can trust. I've made some friends online since then that have gone thru the same thing.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Had my son this weekend. Just took him back. I am a little bothered by some texting he did with his mom last night. He said I pissed him off because I didn't let him help enough when I made cookies. Then his mom said something about another subject and my son texted back "holy schit". And at one point he called his mom a retard. She tried to correct him then. But at no point was his use of language like that ever been tolerated by me, and as far as I know by her before. Today on the x box I heard him say "F&*k you". I asked him what he said and he said "nothing". I made him get off the x box and also told him "don't lie to me either".

I am worried because the direction I see him going in. And his mom seems to parent to be liked. So that makes me the strict one. And that makes it harder on me. I have noticed this problem with her before. When my step son was young...now some people may think that this is funny...he acted like he was talking thru his butt. And she laughed. But what he said was "I hate you". To me, that is unacceptable.

My step son eventually became a lot of trouble and I don't think her style of parenting helped to keep him from going down the wrong path.

Does anyone understand what I am saying or am I wrong for expecting better behavior from my kid(s)?

I love my son as does my wife. But I want him to be a good person too. I think discipline is good for him, even though he might think I'm mean for making him mind at times.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Ugh....

Today is a tough day....Why do I still let this bother me ???

Heres to having strength and courage....Im digging deep to find some...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

TheMizz...erable said:


> Had my son this weekend. Just took him back. I am a little bothered by some texting he did with his mom last night. He said I pissed him off because I didn't let him help enough when I made cookies. Then his mom said something about another subject and my son texted back "holy schit". And at one point he called his mom a retard. She tried to correct him then. But at no point was his use of language like that ever been tolerated by me, and as far as I know by her before. Today on the x box I heard him say "F&*k you". I asked him what he said and he said "nothing". I made him get off the x box and also told him "don't lie to me either".
> 
> I am worried because the direction I see him going in. And his mom seems to parent to be liked. So that makes me the strict one. And that makes it harder on me. I have noticed this problem with her before. When my step son was young...now some people may think that this is funny...he acted like he was talking thru his butt. And she laughed. But what he said was "I hate you". To me, that is unacceptable.
> 
> ...


Mizz,
Kids need discipline....its your rules when he is with you and he should know this...maybe just have a talk with him about things..he maybe be struggling too..


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I agree. My place, same rules we've had. But there seems to be a whole lot less rules where my wife is staying now. And son is there most of the time.

And one thing I forgot to post is that in those text messages with mom, she asked if he knew how to delete messages. As if what he was saying wasn't bad enough...just delete them so that dad does not see.

Also when I dropped son off I waited until he got in. He had to knock and I caught a glimpse of my wife opening the door. Just seems not right to me...my wife but no smile or wave or kiss blowing. Saddens me.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Despite all the grief, today I was thinking of my wife and how much I miss her and want her back. I overlook the stuff that wasn't so great. I wish she would do the same.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I agree Mizz. life and marriage isn't about being happy all the time. I just don't feel like either one of us put forth the effort that we could have to make our marriage better. We were sweepers. Sweep it under the rug and we'll deal with it later. I wish he was open to MC, but I think I'm hoping against hope on that one.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I have been doing the same with my wife...I have been thinking about her alot...she sent me a email last night saying how she sick and feeling scared alone and emotional..and that she didn't know which way was up anymore....I just don't understand if its that hard why continue towards divorce? 

I don't get it...


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Well I texted wife this morning asking if she would come back for a finite amount of time(january 1st). And if she was still unhappy, she could leave and I wouldn't ask for anymore chances. If she liked the changes, then give me a few more months.

Well she responded. Wasn't sure if she would. And she didn't just shoot me down as I thought she might. Her response:

"We've been married 13 years and I haven't been completely happy. So I guess what I'm saying is what good would a couple of months do? No I don't think that would work."

I actually took that response as a positive. I texted her back at lunch time and then again this evening. Have not heard back.

So does anyone think that my glimmer of hope is justified or am I just in denial?


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Mizz your not going to like this but she shot you down. There was no glimpse of hope in that. 

With that said quit txtn and calling her period as hard as that is. If you have any buisness together then keep it strictly to that and dont mention you and her no more quit beggin its not worth it.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

You're right. I didn't see it that way but I understand now. She made it clear today. 
"My answer is no. I left this relationship on aug. 9 And am not coming back. Please do not ask me again."

She told me on August 10th. But she told others the 9th. Actually I believe she left this relationship before then. July 19th she tried telling me but I talked her out of it.

Look, I hired a lawyer and was trying to fix this before signing papers. It didn't work. I tried.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thats all you can do get the papers done and start getting past it because as long as you hold on it prolongs the healing and that is not worth it trust me been there done that.


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

I read over the papers her lawyer sent. She is asking for things that are completely unreasonable. She wants full physical and legal custody and to take son to other state. She wants me to pay her atty fees and pay her maintenance(alimony). I struggle to keep things paid now. And she knows that together we struggled to keep our heads above water.

The parenting plan is a crock too. 
1)I would have to give at least 20 days notice of my wish to excercise a weekend visit or a three day holiday visit. 

2)My summer visitation consists of two non consecutive 7 day periods. And I would have to give her 20 days notice.

Special circumstances includes family reunions. So if I give 20 days notice, she could say 5 days ahead of time that they are having a family reunion and I can't see him? Mind you, this is if she gets her way and takes son to the other state, 12 hours away.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Tell her lawayer to take a hike and file your own idea as this is no where near what it needs to be


----------



## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

Oh my lawyer has my papers written up. Her parenting plan and petition comes across as totally unreasonable. I hope that she cannot get away with what she wants.


----------



## Crystal22 (Sep 23, 2011)

My husband is nice one minute then withdraws without warning which upsets me then he is nasty to me for being upset about his change in behaviour.


----------



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

For her to even THINK that she could make such a request seems unreasonable. Wow, that stuns me.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Hey Everyone..
Today has started out a little tough....weekends are hard. ugh !!!
I have been trying to sort through this the past few days, it is alot easier with the support on this forum...Thanks to all for that !!!

15 days to go until d day...... 

that is looming hard over my head...
the day is on my moms bday ( she passed 15 yrs ago ) and my bday s the 21st...

It could be worse I know...I am just venting a bit...


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man FL keep your head up bro I know its tough but you will get through it. Im asking myself everyday why all this happened it has caused me to question the whole aspect of life itself. Wish it all would magically disappear but it has not and well I dont guess it will. I really do highly dislike my ex for what she done but oh well.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Just re-read....... 

the just let them go post...it helps..

now if I can get that through my thick skull


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

I share the same feelings today. I've been racking my brains out just trying to figure out how my marriage is at this stage. Today i'm crying and yesterday i was fine and unwilling to give into sadness. I wrote a letter to her that has all the things i've been dying to say to here. I didn't even bother with church today, the one thing that has helped me. I'm trying to find a reason to get out of bed but i cant think of any. Everyone on here seems to lift my spirits and its true that the love feels good. Thank you all!


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Jay, life as a yoyo is just for a season. As the saying goes, been there and done that. You are not alone, and you have to fight for your self worth and esteem. You have thousands of reasons to get up and go at it. Life is hard and some people make it harder with their stupid decisions. But we have everything we need to fight back and protect ourselves. Questions will remain forever, they possibily don't even know the answers and if they do...they are not telling us the truth. There is no logic to the leavee for the leaver to tear up familial relationships. So, I am going to repost this paper I got about seeking closure, it helped me to realize I ain't getting it and to stop worrying about getting it. You will be fine, get up and get dressed with some smell good on go outside and meet the world on equal footing. Have a wonderful day EVERYONE!


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I've been working on a email,letter to give to the stbxw...any thoughts or ideas on how to get the "I'm letting go" thoughts on paper ?

I know everyones circumstances maybe different... but if I could get some thoughts or experiences maybe it would help with my writers block...

I have wondered if it is actually benefit to do so , but I think if I can get the thoughts from my brain onto paper it would be a benefit for me....

Thanks


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

FL I wrote a few letters but never sent them it was more about just getting how I felt out to a point then I burned the papers.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

hesnothappy said:


> Jay, life as a yoyo is just for a season. As the saying goes, been there and done that. You are not alone, and you have to fight for your self worth and esteem. You have thousands of reasons to get up and go at it. Life is hard and some people make it harder with their stupid decisions. But we have everything we need to fight back and protect ourselves. Questions will remain forever, they possibily don't even know the answers and if they do...they are not telling us the truth. There is no logic to the leavee for the leaver to tear up familial relationships. So, I am going to repost this paper I got about seeking closure, it helped me to realize I ain't getting it and to stop worrying about getting it. You will be fine, get up and get dressed with some smell good on go outside and meet the world on equal footing. Have a wonderful day EVERYONE!


I would be interested in that paper too


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lostouthere said:


> FL I wrote a few letters but never sent them it was more about just getting how I felt out to a point then I burned the papers.


Thanks,

The ones I have wrote I have not sent. if i get the right verbage out I may hit the button...don't know yet...I would like to say it in person , but I don't think she would agree to see me, she says its to hard...:scratchhead:


----------



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

I don't think my intent is to send it. I think that i'm just trying release. Would she even read the letter, idk. We all want closure but i think its the not knowing that mind f***s us all.


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I made a separate thread for the closure paper. Makes a lot of sense even when I re-read it today ;o)


----------



## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Two years after seperation and here I am still not divorced. I begged him back and he has been staying over since Feb 2010. We seperated in July 2009. It wasnt a reconciliation because he really wasnt home emotionally he was just here physically. After finding out that he is still talking with the girl hes been having an emotional afffair with. I told him to leave and never come back. He says he has feelings for her but cant act on them because she was involved with one of his family members. I know her and I wish I could tell her off. Anyway started the no contact today. I told him I would only text about money and kids only. but I wanna call him right now and tell him to come home but ill muster all the energy I have not to call him. He says he wants to talk but I told him no more talking He doesnt love me, Hes in love with someone else, He wants to work on our friendship but I dont want to see his face. He disrespected me and his kids. I thought we were working on our issues but he was just here cuz he felt guilty and wanted to be with his kids. Its been a rocky toxic 18 year relationship.
Its been a two year breakup for a marriage that lasted 18 years.


----------



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Today is a bad day! H and I separated in May and today is his birthday. I went to playoff baseball Rays game with my mother in law while he came and picked up my D and had dinner with her. She/I made him cupcakes and she had a card and present for him. He did not dare bring his tramp around, Thanks God. 

I have very good days where I know that I deserve better than a man who cheated on me after 15 years of marriage, but today I am sad. He did not come in when dropping D off and avoids me now when I am home. 

It hurts alot!


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

VGBK keep your head up and do not give in to calling him hes not worth your time. 

Frustrated Sorry to hear your having a ruff day. The reason he is probably avoiding you is because he feels shame for what hes done. Dont let him see you hurting.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

FL,
Sorry to hear you are having tough day...it must be something in the water. I am having a day as well....It doesn't help that I slept like *&#$ last night and Im tired...I am 13 days from getting divorced and 17 days from my 41st birthday...

I just miss her today.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

VG,

Don't give in and call...you don't need someone that doesn't want you....Its hard I know....I am right there with ya


----------



## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

No will power!! I called him last night we spoke. I felt better but I know its just a temporary fix. Well He came over this morning and we had another heart to heart. He is a man that never cries and he was weeping saying he never wanted to hurt me and that he is leaving his family like his dad did to his mom. Someone in this forum suggested a book His needs Her needs and I find it so relatable and something we could do. So we started some of the exercises of jotting down our five most important emotional needs. Later on today we will discuss our answers. Its a start but I doubt hes heart is into this rebuilding of our marriage. He says he just is lost and needs to find himself. I know I shouldnt be caring about him but I dont want our marriage to fail. 
Thank you Lost out There and Forever Learning
for your support it feels good to know I am not alone. I have noone to speak to about this just him Hes been my best friend for eighteen years and Ive never relied on anyone else. What a mistake! Ive always been to ashamed to speak of my personal and marital struggles to anyone other than him.


----------



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Forever_Learning - I am sorry you are having a rough time. I can really understand. You are headed for a hard 30 days to come, but know that you you will feel better soon and deserve someone who wants to be with you. WE ALL DO!!

It bothered me alot yesterday that my H did not come in and at least thank me for his card. I was sad all day long. Today I am at work not even thinkning about it and get a text from him thanking me for card. Go Figure!!!

You never can predict what my STBXH will do or not do.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

vgbk said:


> No will power!! I called him last night we spoke. I felt better but I know its just a temporary fix. Well He came over this morning and we had another heart to heart. He is a man that never cries and he was weeping saying he never wanted to hurt me and that he is leaving his family like his dad did to his mom. Someone in this forum suggested a book His needs Her needs and I find it so relatable and something we could do. So we started some of the exercises of jotting down our five most important emotional needs. Later on today we will discuss our answers. Its a start but I doubt hes heart is into this rebuilding of our marriage. He says he just is lost and needs to find himself. I know I shouldnt be caring about him but I dont want our marriage to fail.
> Thank you Lost out There and Forever Learning
> for your support it feels good to know I am not alone. I have noone to speak to about this just him Hes been my best friend for eighteen years and Ive never relied on anyone else. What a mistake! Ive always been to ashamed to speak of my personal and marital struggles to anyone other than him.



wells its a start..sometimes people just lose there way and then realize what they have done...Not sure if thats him or not...

There are alot of nice people on here and you are right it feels good to know they are out there...I don't have anyone really to talk with about this either and so its nice to have the support here...


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

FrustratedFL said:


> Forever_Learning - I am sorry you are having a rough time. I can really understand. You are headed for a hard 30 days to come, but know that you you will feel better soon and deserve someone who wants to be with you. WE ALL DO!!
> 
> It bothered me alot yesterday that my H did not come in and at least thank me for his card. I was sad all day long. Today I am at work not even thinkning about it and get a text from him thanking me for card. Go Figure!!!
> 
> You never can predict what my STBXH will do or not do.


Thanks FL,

Yea its a rough deal....12 days left till the court date...She says she is happy..so time for me to find my happiness. you are correct we deserve someone who wants to be with us...

I think the only thing predictable is the unpredictable.

I am ready to get of this roller coaster....I don't like this ride.


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

FL did you read the thread no closure I posted? You are sounding healthy and ready to make another mark on life. Best to you.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

well I have found out that the stbxw has her boyfriend living with her now...It also came to light that this has been going on for a long long time.....She has been playing me along for at least the last 6months with this guy and add a few months for the other guy...

She can not see it.... but she is being used...by the so called BestFriend she has.... and this guy too...We have mutual friends that have come to me and expressed their concern...they have tried to talk with her, but she has turned her back on people that actually care for her.....

She has taken my good intentions over that time frame and turned it all around on me and has made me question my sanity...
For the last 3 days I have felt like I m going to throw up, I have had a headache that i can not make go away .....I have no drive but have been forcing myself to power through....

I get to go to counseling tomorrow..the counselor was out of town for the last month so I am glad she is back...


I am ready to move on from all this and hope that next monday will help....Knowing her she will probably bring him to the courthouse.

I have made my share of mistakes and I know that I am not perfect....But I know I have done everything in my power to be a better man.... The woman that used to be my best friend is now someone who says she despises me and has no respect for me ( i knew that part by the way she acts ) She tells me I am the one who hasn't changed and she continues to beat me down 

Not only does it look like she is not moving anytime soon,now the BoyFriend lives here and its a very small town..ugh.


----------

