# He doesn't touch me, sleep w/me or love me.



## margeryred (Apr 16, 2013)

I don't know what to do?!?! My husband doesn't touch me, he doesn't pay attention to me. I am starved for attention and affection. I don't know what to do.

I ask him to leave if he doesn't love me, but he won't go. I don't know if he is taking me seriously. 

He doesn't sleep in bed with me, he doesn't touch me physcially. He barely kisses me. I plead and beg with him to open up to me and love me but he can't and won't. 

Is there any hope? Do any of the men on here feel this way? If so, is there anything I can do to get my husband to understand I am falling out of love with him if things don't change. (10 years)

He has seasonal affective disorder, he is anti-social and he seems cold with everyone, but can he use those excuses not to love me? He said he would. He used to...


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How long has this gone on? How old are you?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes lots of questions...

What ages are you? Are you both fit and healthy? On meds?

Was he ever affectionate? If so when did it change? Was this change gradual or overnight?

Have you ever done any marriage counselling?


Such a horrible way to live. Glad you see that it's not good or healthy.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

margeryred said:


> I ask him to leave if he doesn't love me, but he won't go. I don't know if he is taking me seriously.


While I'm sure the answers to those questions others posted will be helpful, there is one thing about your post that caught my eye right off the bat. 

Your attempt to handle this by asking to him "leave if..." is a double bind. It asks him to feel bad for admitting he doesn't love you AND to leave his home, when he sees an alternative - to shut up, stay put, and if you're unhappy it's not his problem. 

Instead of letting him decide what standards you'll accept, step up to the plate and decide them for yourself. If your decision is that you would rather be alone than live without love, then either you leave or you boot him out. You don't sit around and wait for someone who doesn't love you to offer you a kindness that costs them what they want.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop begging him and turn away from him. Stop hanging your self worth on what he does or does not give you. You are only pushing him further away by begging. Granted, you are only trying to get love from him, but he doesnt care how you are feeling. So you can continue this way for the next 20 years, or you can decide to make some changes for yourself to find happiness and contentment apart from him, because the only person who can change him, is him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What is he getting from you in this relationship? He's getting something or he'd be gone. Figure out what it is and link delivery of his satisfiers with his performance. If he doesn't "do", he doesn't "get". Stop the begging and pleading. Tell him very plainly what you need him to do. Avoid phrasing it as "I need you to be...".
That doesn't mean much to any guy and it surely won't mean anything to an anti-social one. Phrase it as "I need you to do..."
If he's honestly anti-social as in a clinical diagnosis, you've got yourself a real problem. He wouldn't be able to switch it on and off. Your choice would simply be "am I willing to live like this?".


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## Wet-Hen (Apr 16, 2013)

Marg - I feel your pain. This is my life too. I put up with and tried to figure it out and fix and change him for 27 years. Ain't gonna happen. After reading many books, I came upon the one that explained everything, exactly. It is called Intimacy Anorexia written by Dr. Doug Weiss of Heart2Heart.com. I ordered their DVD's Intimacy anorexia and the one for the spouse Married and Alone. Bingo! My H won't watch them. It didn't fix it for me but now I know what is wrong. Save yourself. Here's a hug ((((((______))))))).


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.

SAD is a nasty condition is your husband receiving any treatment for it? Is his behavior / manor any better in the summer?
If you can then persuade your husband to get a medical check up to see if there is anything else behind his behavior.

If your husband is just unwilling (as opposed to medically unable) to show you the affection you crave then yes you will have to look at ending the relationship. 

As you do not appear to be in any physical danger with your husband you can afford the time to calmly fairly separate your finances and make provision for you new lives apart.


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## SO_LOST_80 (Apr 20, 2013)

my husband has not touched me in 3 years. i find toys helpful in this situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Obviously asking him to leave will not work. It's his legal residence so you cannot make him leave.

If you file for divorce, then at some point one or the other of you will need to move out.

Why don't you just file for divorce and you move out? Take a fair sare of your things. And then file for divorce.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

margeryred said:


> I don't know what to do?!?! My husband doesn't touch me, he doesn't pay attention to me. I am starved for attention and affection. I don't know what to do.
> 
> I ask him to leave if he doesn't love me, but he won't go. I don't know if he is taking me seriously.
> 
> ...


I'm a man, but I think with much in common with you, not your husband,

All I can say is, it hurts. I am working on myself now, and making clear to my wife what it's going to take from her to make it possible to continue in this marriage. I can no longer feel responsibility for making her want to change. Either she will or will not. I plan to find peace, joy, and happiness either way.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Obviously asking him to leave will not work. It's his legal residence so you cannot make him leave.
> 
> If you file for divorce, then at some point one or the other of you will need to move out.
> 
> Why don't you just file for divorce and you move out? Take a fair sare of your things. And then file for divorce.


Stepping outside that door has legal consequences sometimes. Consult a lawyer first. Just because you might be the one to file for divorce does not mean he is the one that should get to stay in the house.

Talk to a lawyer first.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Implement the 180


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