# Husband left me and he is angry? What gives?



## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

Ok, I need help. My husband of 4.5 years said that he doesn't want to try anymore, wants to move out and wants a divorce. I was devastated, but never showed any anger or resentment towards him. I refuse to stoop to that level and always take the high road. 

Our communication has been limited these 2 weeks, but once he signed the papers for his apartment, he asked if he could stop by and get some of his things. I told him that he could meet me at the house at a certain time, when I got home. I was not available the 2 following days, so he had to come that day.

When he asked if he could just come when I am not home, I politely told him no. I said "you left, you made the choice to leave, so you don't live here anymore. I would feel more comfortable being there." Let me add that I own the condo and have had it many years before we married.

Now he is super angry, saying that I am making things hard for him. That he does not have a lot of time and that I am being difficult. Really?!?! I am sorry if things are hard for him, but it is so not my problem. You created this, so now deal with it. I think he is more upset that I am not showing him I am upset. 

Any thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since he has moved out already I think it is reasonable that you be there. He just wants things to be his way on all fronts. Surely he can find some time to be there when you can be there.

Or you could just pack his stuff and have it delivered to him.. call one of those "two guys and a truck" and have them deliver it. That way he does not have to be inconvenience by accommodating your schedule.


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## fatimam (Jan 19, 2012)

Maybe he can't face you. The way I see it he can't have everything on his terms. Let him wait. And don't jump when he calls.

He needs to realise he wanted the separation and he doesn't have a wife whose gonna be at his back and call.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Be flexible!
It "expedites" things....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

YOu did the right thing, Hilly. Let him b!tch about it all he wants--he is the one who made the choice to leave so he can't just waltz back in at any time he wants to.

Stand your ground.

And kudos for not begging him to stay. Continue to take the high road. When a wayward wants out, nothing will stop them so there is no point in trying if one person is already done.

He has done you a favor. In time, you will see this.


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

I still love him, but I don't think I want him back. I lost myself in this marriage, and I am learning how to love myself since he left. I need to take this time to grow as a person, and I hope he will too. We texted back and forth a little today about our relationship, and all the things that went wrong. He tried to throw in the " I love you" and "do you miss me?", but I didn't take the bait.

I do have to admit that I do kind of get kick out of how much he has been struggling since he left. He had a hard time finding an apt, and his boss just suggested to him that he should look for another job. I guess you reap what you sew!


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## nick15 (Jan 17, 2012)

Yeah, I understand where you are coming from. Like a previous member said, I would consider that if this is moving on, to indeed let him get his stuff together and let him have it right away. Don't fall into an tit for tat game play that could turn ugly. Even if you are in the right. Be the better and wiser person. When I asked my wife to leave i still have the trust and faith to let her back in the house by herself. I too bought my home before we got married even though we shared all expenses on it. She discussed with me what she needed. There is still some lingering things left over, but I'm sure it was an emotional deperature for her as it was to come home to things no longer here. It's part of a process. One that I don't like at all. I'm sure once he feels the reality of that process or the reality of the posture he took, it too will be an eye opener if you just remain neutral.


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