# Did you accept the change (if there was a true change)



## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

Who here has gotten fed up w/ the bad choices their spouse made over the years, after time and time again told them you're tire of it, then you finally said "I'm DONE". After the final straw was drawn, your spouse decided to make the changes that needed to be made. And now it's hard to get those loving feelings back. If you've been through this, tell me which side of the fence you landed and if you think it was the right decision. 
Thanks!


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## nicole2011 (Jun 28, 2011)

Im in that same situatuion and still on the fence. It has been 4 months. Im scared if i do give him ONE MORE chance that he will go back to being the same person. I have given him many chances to change. My gut is telling me to go ahead a move on but it is really hard.


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

I've been at it for almost a year now. I'm so tired of this limbo. I just don't know what to do. I just don't want to "waste" anymore time.


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## LJAO (Feb 9, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LJAO (Feb 9, 2012)

I have been on the fence in hope for a long time, I am finally climbing off the moving on side. Time to put my Son and me first. I suggest you do the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostandnotsure (Dec 30, 2011)

I went through this for years. She all of a sudden did a dramatic 180 that I was very skeptical to believe. I couldn't do it any more and decided I needed to move on for the sake of myself and my son. STBXW still lives with us but was made clear to her that I would not tolerate her going back to the way things were but I'm slowly seeing her sliding backwards so believe I've made the correct choice to move on.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife and I both made big changes and we both love the changes we've made.
We were at a "change or divorce" position for both of us.


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## eternal_optimist (May 30, 2012)

Great question. I can't wait to see all the responses. I'm beginning to think mine will never change and yet I'm still afraid to move on. My biggest fear is regret.


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## Tammilynn (Jun 3, 2012)

I too am in the same situation. Just found this website last week. I thought I was alone. Not so. We separated April 1 when I moved out. I have been going to therapy for over a year. We started couples therapy and have gone twice. I just can't forgive and forget. He has said some terrible things to me. Married for 18 years and it was always the same. good, bad, terrible, fight, and make up. I just don't have the confidence or strength that things will change. Iv'e seen both sides ( I probably have them too) One good, one very abusive. Neither of us can move on or give up.


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## 02121999 (Jun 15, 2012)

I'm in the same spot myself. Put up with years of verbal and emotional abuse. Had a huge fight last Halloween and decided to divorce. I called the attorney, had the paperwork drawn up and told him to get out. A week before he was to move he tells me we can fix this, and he is staying. He has been amazing ever since, (2 1/2 months), but I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. At least when it does, I'll be confidant when I say we are done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tammilynn (Jun 3, 2012)

Exactly... Do I accept him-the recrational pot smoker or make a new life for myself? He's great in every other way. That or he is on his on his best behavior now...I just don't know.


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## Dezstorm (Jun 19, 2012)

What I've learned throughout my experiences is if you call for change, regardless of who's actually at fault, you need to change with them and contribute an equal amount of effort. Everyone changes as the years go by and successful marriages evolve with these changes. They're still the same person you fell in love with, they're just trying to experience a fulfilling life.

If he's doing something harmful (like pot smoking) that he enjoys, taking that away from him will leave a big, empty hole in his heart and he'll resent you for it. That hole needs to be filled with something. Demonstrate that you want to be constructive about it, perhaps by highlighting how much money you'll both save and what you could do with it or how much more of a man he'd be if he could quit the habbit and find another outlet. Really it depends on his personality.

Despite our inevitable separation, one thing I will always thank my wife for is she convinced me to get over my computer game addiction. It was hard at first and I resented her for taking my favourite passtime away from me, but when I realised how much harm it was doing me and our family, I convinced myself to change. I saw my computer game addiction as my need for 'adventure' and 'heroics', so I found another outlet. I began exercising and doing martial arts and even tried to join the military part-time, but an old injury kept me out. Still I persisted and now I feel fantastic! Too bad I became "too much" for her in the process.


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