# Sorry, quesion for men - kinda shallow if your woman became more athletic looking



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

So, men, what would you think it your previously flabby and a bit fat long term girfriend suddenly started getting ripped and all buff? 

What if she had defined arms and started building muscle and looking athletic? 

I am a UK size 8 to 10, which a US size 6 to 8. 

I think my man feels a bit intimidated by my new physique. I am not a muscle bound ball breaker, I look more athletic, slimmer and defined. I'm definitely more limber in the sack and can hold some funkier positions. 

Would it be an issue for you? He seems a bit scared.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Honestly, you should go preuse the Coping with Infidelity forum for your answer. I am certainly not saying that you are, or are planning on having an affair, but this is one of the first huge warning signs that something is amiss. It is a sign that you are upping your sex rank, and could be preparing to move on.


----------



## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I encouraged my wife when she aid she wanted to do Weight Watchers and wanted to start going to the gym. She's dropped 20lbs, looks fantastic, runs in 5k events now, and feels super sexy about herself, which in turn makes her feel more sexy around me.

Um, needless to say, I'm a fan.

and no, I'm not concerned about an affair


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WellyVamp said:


> So, men, what would you think it your previously flabby and a bit fat long term girfriend suddenly started getting ripped and all buff?
> 
> What if she had defined arms and started building muscle and looking athletic?
> 
> ...


Issue? ISSUE? :lol:

There is nothing but good here. But its not about me or anyone else - what makes you think he is threatened by it? 'Scared'?

It should be all good. Nothing better than a healthy body & mind. Well - you know... within reason that is... not sure how I would feel about my wife being able to kick my butt. I'd let her try her best though. I think.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Honestly, you should go preuse the Coping with Infidelity forum for your answer. I am certainly not saying that you are, or are planning on having an affair, but this is one of the first huge warning signs that something is amiss. It is a sign that she is upping her sex rank, and could be preparing to move on.


No, you are barking up the wrong tree here! I can't begin to tell you how wrong you are. All of this is because I had been ill for years, put on weight and then stopped smoking. This is obviously for me, but also because I want to look good for my partner.

Our sex life took a bit of a hit and I am trying to rekindle things. In all honesty I am not looking for other options and don't have my eye on anyone else. 

Why do you ask? Do you think it could be an issue for him?


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> Issue? ISSUE? :lol:
> 
> There is nothing but good here. But its not about me or anyone else - what makes you think he is threatened by it? 'Scared'?
> 
> It should be all good. Well - you know... within reason that is...


No way :rofl:

That's definitely not the look I'm going for!


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WellyVamp said:


> No way :rofl:
> 
> That's definitely not the look I'm going for!




That one (I changed it).. actually looks more like guy.

Ew.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I'm working towards something more like this...

Toned, powerful and athletic...









So far, it's going pretty well. Even if I do say so myself.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> No, you are barking up the wrong tree here! I can't begin to tell you how wrong you are. All of this is because I had been ill for years, put on weight and then stopped smoking. This is obviously for me, but also because I want to look good for my partner.
> 
> Our sex life took a bit of a hit and I am trying to rekindle things. In all honesty I am not looking for other options and don't have my eye on anyone else.
> 
> Why do you ask? Do you think it could be an issue for him?


Like I said, one partner taking an interest in fitness and getting into serious shape of their own accord IS a warning sign. Getting into shape DOES increase ones attractiveness to the opposite sex. This WILL potentially cause insecurities in the other partner. Those are facts. A single red flag does not make something inevitable however, but it is still a red flag.

Like I said in my post, I was in no way accusing you of anything. I think it is awesome that you are doing this for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

You need to talk with him and try to figure out what his insecurity is, and work with him to allay his fears. I suspect it will to some degree be that he is afraid that you are going to get totally fit and hot, other guys are going to be giving you attention and that he will not be able to compete.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

IMO, not intimidated at all. 

Enthralled! 

Go for it!!!


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Like I said, one partner taking an interest in fitness and getting into serious shape of their own accord IS a warning sign. Getting into shape DOES increase ones attractiveness to the opposite sex. This WILL potentially cause insecurities in the other partner. Those are facts. A single red flag does not make something inevitable however, but it is still a red flag.
> 
> Like I said in my post, I was in no way accusing you of anything. I think it is awesome that you are doing this for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
> 
> You need to talk with him and try to figure out what his insecurity is, and work with him to allay his fears. I suspect it will to some degree be that he is afraid that you are going to get totally fit and hot, other guys are going to be giving you attention and that he will not be able to compete.


I love him to bits and think he's sexy as hell! I have committed to him and it's going to stay that way. I know what side my bread is buttered!


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I think he's a bit scared that I will get strong and threaten his masculinity. He can still beat me at an arm wrestle and I think he alwaysy will. Nevertheless, he says I am getting musch stronger.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Like I said, one partner taking an interest in fitness and getting into serious shape of their own accord IS a warning sign. Getting into shape DOES increase ones attractiveness to the opposite sex. This WILL potentially cause insecurities in the other partner. Those are facts. A single red flag does not make something inevitable however, but it is still a red flag.


I'd venture to say those are opinions. The facts are that she is getting in shape; that her perception (since we only have what she is feeling) is that her man may be feeling unsure or perhaps insecure about her new regimen and look. 

Some may interpret that as a warning sign; some may not. 

if he is feeling insecure and she, as she says, remains deeply committed to him, then it sounds like time for her to reassure her man that he is the only one for her.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I love him to bits and think he's sexy as hell! I have committed to him and it's going to stay that way. I know what side my bread is buttered!


I have no reason to doubt you in the least, and again, I was not accusing of anything at all. It is great that you are doing this, and he is lucky to have a partner who is willing to work on increasing her fitness and attractiveness.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Maneo said:


> I'd venture to say those are opinions. The facts are that she is getting in shape; that her perception (since we only have what she is feeling) is that her man may be feeling unsure or perhaps insecure about her new regimen and look.
> 
> Some may interpret that as a warning sign; some may not.
> 
> if he is feeling insecure and she, as she says, remains deeply committed to him, then it sounds like time for her to reassure her man that he is the only one for her.


It's interesting, because this had never occurred to me. DP is very conscious of his weight, diet and fitness. In fact, he had been nagging me about it for ages. 

Now I am getting fit, he hasn't once said that I look better for it or paid me any compliments. He just says that he hopes I don't get all manly. I'm a small woman ffs and I have actually got slimmer and more shapely. I just have define muscles now and a firmer butt. 

It's a bit disheartening, seeing as he had been nagging me about it in the first place.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WellyVamp said:


> I'm working towards something more like this...
> 
> Toned, powerful and athletic...
> 
> ...


That works. A worthy goal, AMIRITE BOYS! :smthumbup:

(hubba hubba)


----------



## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> So, men, what would you think it your previously flabby and a bit fat long term girfriend suddenly started getting ripped and all buff?
> 
> What if she had defined arms and started building muscle and looking athletic?
> 
> ...


If It was me I would have to pass. Women and buff don't belong in the same sentence. ripped abs and ripped arms are not attractive. Are you trying to be ripped and buff or are you just working out and happened to get this way?

Men like Soft women with soft skin. Feeling up a woman with muscles would be awkward and weird. A little meat and flab is good. I hope you stay in range with normal muscle tone. The chick in the track uniform you posted is just fine, but I wouldn't consider her buff and ripped, just athletic and toned. This is the ideal look for you.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Well, I've got rid of my bingo wings. Sorry, I don't know if you use that expression in the States. In case you don't, its the wobbly sagging skin that hangs beneath a woman's upper arm/ tricep. 

I think that woman looks pretty buff and ripped. I don't think it's possible for me to get a 6 pack or anything like that!

I eat well, but deffinitely still have some squidgey bits, they are just smaller and in the right places now. No more wobbly gut!


----------



## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Congrats to you.

You need to talk to him. Those manly looking "gals" are taking T. You are not. You are never going to look like that and from your descriptions I would say you are just getting into great shape, that's all.

He needs to understand that you want his support, his encouragement. I wonder if he is afraid that if he is too positive that you might stop doing it - just settle for where you are. Just conjecture on my part. You really need to have a heart to heart with him.


----------



## JustPuzzled (Dec 12, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> Well, I've got rid of my bingo wings. Sorry, I don't know if you use that expression in the States. In case you don't, its the wobbly sagging skin that hangs beneath a woman's upper arm/ tricep.
> 
> I think that woman looks pretty buff and ripped. I don't think it's possible for me to get a 6 pack or anything like that!
> 
> I eat well, but deffinitely still have some squidgey bits, they are just smaller and in the right places now. No more wobbly gut!


Awesome! My W has always been in shape. I finally realized that I needed to be in better shape, too. I look OK now, I think. W has always looked great (she works at it but is not obsessed). I always let her know how nice she looks.

It is distressing that your H is not complimenting you. I do not think that I am in the minority when I express a preference or a firmer butt.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WellyVamp said:


> I'm working towards something more like this...
> 
> Toned, powerful and athletic...
> 
> ...


Oooo, nice.

If your man feels intimidated, get him to gym himself


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> Now I am getting fit, he hasn't once said that I look better for it or paid me any compliments. He just says that he hopes I don't get all manly...
> 
> It's a bit disheartening, seeing as he had been nagging me about it in the first place.


Then maybe he's just a prick that tries to keep you in a one-down position by having nothing good to say no matter what shape you're in.

I'd be complimenting you for sure. Sheesh.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I love him to bits and think he's sexy as hell! I have committed to him and it's going to stay that way. I know what side my bread is buttered!


Just make certain he fully understands that.

Another thought. Men get used to how their wife looks. When they suddenly firm up it can toss them out of their comfort zone. Keep him comfy.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> So, men, what would you think it your previously flabby and a bit fat long term girfriend suddenly started getting ripped and all buff?
> 
> What if she had defined arms and started building muscle and looking athletic?
> 
> ...


I know you ask for men opinion but I would say you ROCK! :smthumbup:


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

I would not be intimidated in the slightest, but I might be a bit disappointed... I like trim in the waist, healthy-looking women who are voluptuous in the butt and breasts... I absolutely detest the lean, toned/cut look in women... Just personal preference, but yuck.

You said, "I think my man feels..." but have you asked him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So if you don't work out and "let yourself go" you are abandoning your marriage vows and -he- might have an affair. If you make an effort obviously -you- are showing signs of being affair material and its a "red flag." 

That sounds like a no-win to me.


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> So if you don't work out and "let yourself go" you are abandoning your marriage vows and -he- might have an affair. If you make an effort obviously -you- are showing signs of being affair material and its a "red flag."
> 
> That sounds like a no-win to me.


Indeed, when you allow other people's concerns about the way you look make you concerned about the way you look, it is a lose-lose...

However, you can win automatically by looking and feeling the way that makes you happy and giving zero fvcks about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> It's interesting, because this had never occurred to me. DP is very conscious of his weight, diet and fitness. In fact, he had been nagging me about it for ages.
> 
> Now I am getting fit, he hasn't once said that I look better for it or paid me any compliments. He just says that he hopes I don't get all manly. I'm a small woman ffs and I have actually got slimmer and more shapely. I just have define muscles now and a firmer butt.
> 
> It's a bit disheartening, seeing as he had been nagging me about it in the first place.


This is insecurity talking, and is a way to keep you in your place. People nag overweight partners and then sabotage their diet all the time because it allows them to keep the upper hand emotionally. If your bf's really fit I'll bet he's heavily conflicted right now; on one hand he wanted you to be in better shape but on the other hand he now realizes that he no longer has that upper hand. It's possible this will wear off as he realizes you aren't going anywhere but you must be prepared for the possibility that he can't manage without this upper hand and the relationship will end. I hope not, but know it could happen. As far as your transformation goes, you go sister!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies, plenty to think about. 

So, I did 1:30 hours of circuit training this morning and went on a long bike ride with boyfriend. We have had sex twice this week. I have told him that I need more, but his reply was that he thinks we are fine as we always have sex at least once a week. 

Maybe I have put his nose out ofo joint by getting fit, lifeistooshort. I feel great and men have started being "helpful" to me again, when I'm out and about. So, I know that I'm definitely not a rough old minger - sorry, a British term there!

To be honest, I feel fantastic and am loving the feeling of being strong and fit. At least I have my vibrating chum to keep me company!


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I have told him that I need more, but his reply was that he thinks we are fine as we always have sex at least once a week.


He's pretty manipulative, but without knowing more about your interactions it is hard to say how much is defensive insecurity vs. how much more general it is.

This is denial / invalidation above. 

You'll get weary of that and long for a man who builds your character up, and leaves you in a steaming puddle of goo every night.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> So, I did 1:30 hours of circuit training this morning and went on a long bike ride with boyfriend. We have had sex twice this week. I have told him that I need more, but his reply was that he thinks we are fine as we always have sex at least once a week.


And that was it?! That was the end of the discussion?


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> He's pretty manipulative, but without knowing more about your interactions it is hard to say how much is defensive insecurity vs. how much more general it is.
> 
> This is denial / invalidation above.
> 
> You'll get weary of that and long for a man who builds your character up, and leaves you in a steaming puddle of goo every night.


We used to at it like rabbits. He says it's his age (he has just turned 40 and is very healthy), that it makes it better if we don't do it so often, that he is tired. 

I just please my self more often these days. I am not the sort to stray and there is nobody that I actually would want to stray with anyway. 

Maybe this is how things are after you have been together for 6 years? Maybe he just finds me boring and has gone off me a bit. I tried a few kinky things recently and he didn't like it. 

Yes Shadow_Nirvana, that was it!


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

> So, I did 1:30 hours of circuit training this morning


I do about that much 3x per week, but yet my belly keep getting bigger and bigger

:rofl:


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> We used to at it like rabbits. He says it's his age (he has just turned 40 and is very healthy), that it makes it better if we don't do it so often, that he is tired.
> 
> I just please my self more often these days. I am not the sort to stray and there is nobody that I actually would want to stray with anyway.
> 
> Maybe this is how things are after you have been together for 6 years? Maybe he just finds me boring and has gone off me a bit. I tried a few kinky things recently and he didn't like it.


It happens, but when one partner is dissatisfied then it is a problem that needs fixing.

There are a number of old geezers on this forum that still put out every day. I'm 54 and have never been with anyone but athletes. It is at least daily for us, even when my wife gained weight from two kids.

It didn't bother me in the least, and she is trimming down again. But at her peak (112 lbs, she's 5 feet tall) I tried to think of her as this big round fat-ball and it just didn't matter to me. I didn't criticize her for it, and when she expressed insecurity about it I made sure she understood that I loved her just the same. 

Now that she's trimming down again the wives get pretty pissed off at their husbands in the grocery store for staring. I keep count for her.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I would have no problem with it. I would love it!! Can you talk to my wife for me? She weighs 330lbs!!

I go to the Arnold classic in Columbus every other year or so. These really buff women in these posts do not get that way without artificial help. It is not possible without testosterone. I do NOT find that attractive. These women who have done that work the booths at the classic and they are unattractive to say the least. They DO look like men and their facial features actually change, become more angular ... they look terrible up close and in person. Becoming fit, athletic and defined without going to the extreme of artificial help is extremely attractive. Nothing hotter than a fit woman who looks like she could give me all I could handle in bed.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> We used to at it like rabbits. He says it's his age (he has just turned 40 and is very healthy), that it makes it better if we don't do it so often, that he is tired.
> 
> *Tell him this is unacceptable. If he has any health issues, go get it checked. If he has whine issues, tell him to zip it.*
> 
> ...


Look, obviously there is a problem here, maybe even a big one at that. But all I've seen in this thread is a whole lot of assumptions about what he thinks and quickly accepting what he says without any disagreement, no "making your needs clear", no "clearly stating that what he is saying is unacceptable and making you unhappy.". You are setting yourself up for a loss.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> So, men, what would you think it your previously flabby and a bit fat long term girfriend suddenly started getting ripped and all buff?
> 
> What if she had defined arms and started building muscle and looking athletic?
> 
> ...


A balance has changed. If you ascribe to Athol Kay's "sex rank" is your sex rank has improved one or two notches, maybe even more if you are more particular about your dress and mannerisims.

So it's changed the balance of attention in your relationship, unless he is extremely secure it may make him nervous. I wouldn't get all big headed if I was you. If you really are his woman, let him know that he has nothing to worry about - for you are all his, everyone else can look as much as they'd like.


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

WellyVamp
If you look any thing like or near that woman you posted a picture of, your husband should be on you like white on rice at least 3-4 times a week.

I do not know what is wrong with your husband but any healthy 40 year old man would be having wet dreams about a woman that looked anything like the one you posted. A woman like you should never have to use your vibrating mechanical chum.

*I would have to say that your husband has something going on either physical of psychological that is resulting in him only wanting sex once a week*. That seems below normal especially with a woman that has such a foxy athletic body. 

*Can you get someone to help him with his lack of enthusiasm over your improvements?* I just am puzzled as to why a husband would not get excited about you feeling so fantastic about being fit and the extra heat he can get under the covers.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I would have no problem with it. I would love it!! Can you talk to my wife for me? She weighs 330lbs!!
> 
> I go to the Arnold classic in Columbus every other year or so. These really buff women in these posts do not get that way without artificial help. It is not possible without testosterone. I do NOT find that attractive. These women who have done that work the booths at the classic and they are unattractive to say the least. They DO look like men and their facial features actually change, become more angular ... they look terrible up close and in person. Becoming fit, athletic and defined without going to the extreme of artificial help is extremely attractive. Nothing hotter than a fit woman who looks like she could give me all I could handle in bed.


Yes,

In the bodybuilders they have the advantage of testosterone, there is little to no feminine energy in these ladies.

However in the fitness ladies, there may be an abundance of feminine energy...


----------



## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

A secure man would encourage a healthy lifestyle and be happy that you are bettering yourself. It will bring a new excitement to the relationship and he should be proud to show you off. 

Any guy who is turned off by this, or gets intimidated by this isn't 100% comfortable in his own skin despite what you think or he thinks, which is another topic.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

*Sorry, quesion for men - kinda shallow if your woman became more athletic looki*

When I was a runner it never bothered my husband. I'd compete in running races and triathlons. My husband had always been more athletic then me. 

I no longer can run(due to a permanent spine injury), which kills me deeply inside. I'm not nearly as toned as I once was. 

I personally like being in shape and toned.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> I do about that much 3x per week, but yet my belly keep getting bigger and bigger
> 
> :rofl:


That's cause your having a baby. But I bet that blood circulation is good for the baby as long as you don't run too much stress through your system.

Your also going to recover much faster than someone who doesn't.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> Issue? ISSUE? :lol:
> 
> There is nothing but good here. But its not about me or anyone else - what makes you think he is threatened by it? 'Scared'?
> 
> It should be all good. Nothing better than a healthy body & mind. Well - you know... within reason that is... not sure how I would feel about my wife being able to kick my butt. I'd let her try her best though. I think.


Looks like she'd just bend you over...


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I think it is terrific that you are taking charge of your health and buttressing your self-confidence by looking and feeling better. Exercise and wellness just puts our mind and body in the right place...and we feel such a positive signal from our brains that outweigh any counterfeit, cheap thrill.

Having said that...as you step into your more positive identity, and are feeling less self-conscious...and certainly less shameful when it comes to sexuality because you have such a positive self-image, that is drastically going to affect the dynamic of your relationship. If your husband is of a codependent nature, then the fact that you are being more independent, risk-taking, and pursuing him sexually may be altering his paradigm that he wasn't perhaps ready to undergo. You have now become less of "his project" or however he has grown to understand you, and more of an equal partner where now he is forced to perhaps look at his own untended areas. It can be scary...and you may even get a sense that he prefers the old you. Don't let that dissuade you to do what you need to do, but at the same time don't give up on your husband either...keep trying to include him. I think you ought to keep pursuing him and keep trying to stay positive. But eventually, I think an adult conversation needs to take place about what his deal is...if he is still not budging or even interested in listening to your needs.

Ok, this may sound of the wall, but do you suspect he is looking at porn or involved in something that would result in him resisting physical intimacy???


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I'm working towards something more like this...
> 
> Toned, powerful and athletic...
> 
> ...


My wife naturally is very voluptuous. She's putting in a lot of work to trim down and tighten up. This kind of look would be unreal on her, beyond sexy. 

I love, love, love a curvy but toned/athletic female physique. There is no better look for a woman as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

committed4ever, you sound keen! I hope you're feeling well and that you have that awesome pregnant lady glow. 

FormerSelf, I know that he looks at porn, but it doesn't appear that he does it often enough for it to be a problem. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an addiction to it.

Who knows though? Maybe there is someone who has caught his fancy. 

To be honest, I find that he doesn't want to bother with much in the way of foreplay. He just seems to want to stick it in and get it over with as quickly as possible. 

I tried getting him to play with icecubes the other day and he moaned that they were too cold. He would have jumped at the chance when we first met. In fact, he did! These days, he just wants PIV and I might get 3 mins of oral or fingers if I am very lucky. I am trying different things, but he just brushes them off. 

If he tries the old quick in and out again, I will tell him to get stuffed and to use the services of "Madamme Palm" instead. I will explain that I am not a recepticle and that he needs to think about whether intimacy is a pleasure or a chore for him. 

I will also tell him that I will take my vibrator and sleep downstairs until he has decided whether he actually wants to be in a physical relationship with me, because it's unfair to string someone along when the attraction is one sided.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jaquen said:


> My wife naturally is very voluptuous. She's putting in a lot of work to trim down and tighten up. This kind of look would be unreal on her, beyond sexy.
> 
> I love, love, love a curvy but toned/athletic female physique. There is no better look for a woman as far as I'm concerned.


This woman is in great shape, but my woman is in even better shape so I'm doing my part in establishing the Machievelli "golden ratio" in myself... On this mission like the Marines.


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

OK, lets throw this situation on its head.

Vamp, is your man started going out doing al the things your doing. No just some home healthcare of eating correctly, losing the odd pound etc but really building up the muscle tone, looking firmer and more attractive to you (and other) would there even be a small thought about "why, is it just for me" or are you very comfortable that it would ONLY be for you??
Sometimes when a partner makes changes to their lifestyle, even if it appears its promted the remaining partner can feel unsafe, not as secure in whats happening. If your H is feeling insecure he may well be reading the wrong signals, but it might be wise to at least understand this as most will shout the partner is paranoid, but if they are seeing things that make them feel uncomfortable, ill at ease in their relationship it can and does eat at them. They may well consider the negitives of what your doing, they may well see the attention you get as not what they feel comfortable with.
You may not see this attention and thats understandable but if your H is seeing it or even preempting this then you can take solice in the fact he is so into you that he's concerned others will move in on you. Perhaps seeing what hes seeing and thinking might help. - Its just a thought!


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Pault said:


> OK, lets throw this situation on its head.
> 
> Vamp, is your man started going out doing al the things your doing. No just some home healthcare of eating correctly, losing the odd pound etc but really building up the muscle tone, looking firmer and more attractive to you (and other) would there even be a small thought about "why, is it just for me" or are you very comfortable that it would ONLY be for you??
> Sometimes when a partner makes changes to their lifestyle, even if it appears its promted the remaining partner can feel unsafe, not as secure in whats happening. If your H is feeling insecure he may well be reading the wrong signals, but it might be wise to at least understand this as most will shout the partner is paranoid, but if they are seeing things that make them feel uncomfortable, ill at ease in their relationship it can and does eat at them. They may well consider the negitives of what your doing, they may well see the attention you get as not what they feel comfortable with.
> You may not see this attention and thats understandable but if your H is seeing it or even preempting this then you can take solice in the fact he is so into you that he's concerned others will move in on you. Perhaps seeing what hes seeing and thinking might help. - Its just a thought!


I can safely say that my fitness drive is just for me, although I would be lying if I said that my partners nagging hasn't been a factor. 

I have done it to improve my life and to try and revive a flagging sex life between us. 

As for extra attention from men, I haven't noticed this. I freelance and work from home and I go out mostly with my partner. Cheating is a horrible thing to do and if I wanted to do it, I would have the decency to finish my current relationship first! I can't think of any other man that I am attracted to at the moment, but to be honest, I swing both ways and I'm far more likely to oggle women. 

Nevertheless, I am very attracted to my partner. I used to tell him all the time, until I realised that he never paid me any compliments. So, I don't bother these days.

I forgot to add that about 4 years ago, my partner did suddenly lose weight, totally change his eating habits, start exercising etc. Women started flirting with him. 

Maybe he can't handle it now the roles are reversed?

PS, actually I have noticed more attention from men, but it's no biggie. I would rather have more attention from my partner!


----------



## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I'm working towards something more like this...
> 
> Toned, powerful and athletic...
> 
> ...



:iagree:

The lady in the picture is my ideal women physically. Thank god my wife works out as much or more than I do. I love how she is strong and capable but yet can put a dress on and looks very feminine.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

tell her to go easy on the 'roids.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/toonaive-albums-pics-picture4713t-too-many-roids.jpg


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> I think he's a bit scared that I will get strong and threaten his masculinity. He can still beat me at an arm wrestle and I think he alwaysy will. Nevertheless, he says I am getting musch stronger.


Invite him on this journey with you. It's always good to maintain your temple; doing it together would be a real plus. We exercise together all the time.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Well, I'm going to my circuit training in a bit. Hopefully, that will wear me out and stop me thinking about sex!


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> Invite him on this journey with you. It's always good to maintain your temple; doing it together would be a real plus. We exercise together all the time.


We go biking together now, but he isn't interested in martial arts, circuits and HIIT.

It's nice to go out on our bikes together though.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> Nevertheless, I am very attracted to my partner. I used to tell him all the time, until I realised that he never paid me any compliments. So, I don't bother these days.
> 
> I forgot to add that about 4 years ago, my partner did suddenly lose weight, totally change his eating habits, start exercising etc. Women started flirting with him.
> 
> Maybe he can't handle it now the roles are reversed?


Yep, sounds like he's gotten use to being the "higher value" partner in the relationship. He's enjoyed taking the moral high ground and finger wagging at you over not being in the best shape, while enjoying the feeling of having other women notice him.

You getting in shape changes that dynamic. It puts you back on more even ground, and makes him terrified of the potential implications of that.

This is so common. Many spouses, and other close loved ones, claim to be supportive of weight loss and improved fitness but then turn around and sabotage the efforts. When somebody loses weight, or gets in really great shape like you're doing, it does shift the dynamic in relationships. And everybody isn't comfortable with that.

I'll never forget seeing an episode of Extreme Makeover, back when they were redoing people's faces, not their homes. This attractive, but overweight, woman wrote into the show on behalf of her best friend. The best friend was the very definition of plain; out of shape, unattractive hair and clothes, messed up teeth, just not aging well at all. The friend was getting married and they decided to do the big reveal on her wedding day. The first time her groom, or anyone in her family, would see the makeover was when she walked down the aisle. Everyone was supportive of her undertaking because the woman had such low self esteem.

So away she goes. She gets a lot of work done. The best hair and makeup. Puts in a ton of work outs to tone. A new wedding gown to fit her new, slimmed down body. They made the reveal at the wedding for the family and the audience. It's a STUNNING change. She looks easily 20 years younger and bona fide cute. She didn't even look overly tight, pulled, or alien. He newly sculpted body looked like it was poured into her sexy wedding dress. She just looked...amazing. It's one of the most startling physical transformations I've ever seen. You couldn't really even tell it was the same woman.

Here is the thing. The groom looked floored and over the moon. But the best friend, the one who initiated this whole undertaking, the one who was responsible for her being chosen...shot daggers at her. The showed her reaction as soon as she laid eyes upon the friend. There was shock, and smiles, but the eyes told the whole story. They did a couple short interviews with her and while she was so supportive outwardly you could tell that the friend's change was killing her. She was no longer the pretty one. The friend looked much younger, hotter, and in far, far better shape. The dynamic shifted and I don't believe the woman ever realized how impactful this would all be until she saw how incredibly different her friend looked.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

jaquen said:


> Yep, sounds like he's gotten use to being the "higher value" partner in the relationship. He's enjoyed taking the moral high ground and finger wagging at you over not being in the best shape, while enjoying the feeling of having other women notice him.
> 
> You getting in shape changes that dynamic. It puts you back on more even ground, and makes him terrified of the potential competition.


Yes, and the funny thing is that as I have cleaned up my diet and started to eat less, he now eats less too. I exercise loads, he has started to exercise more. 

I think you are right. He has started to get a bit competitive about this health and fitness business. I say bring it on! Let's see who's number one now.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Vorlon said:


> :iagree:
> 
> The lady in the picture is my ideal women physically. Thank god my wife works out as much or more than I do. I love how she is strong and capable but yet can put a dress on and looks very feminine.


I like the "Reef Girls"...


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

treyvion said:


> I like the "Reef Girls"...


What are reef girls?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> What are reef girls?


Swimsuit models for an Austrailian oil company.


https://www.google.com/search?q=ree...XK7PyyAGytIGwAg&ved=0CDkQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=585

They have consistently perfect heinies and great bubbly personalities.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I can see why you like them :smthumbup:


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

So if the man doesn't do ice cubes and other foreplay we go to the vibrator which gives what kind of foreplay?

That paradox occurred to me while thinking at first that a guy should be willing to give what the girl wants. But a vibrator is totally inanimate. So why this paradox?

The funny thing for me is that none of the girls I have ever been with ever expressed an interest in much foreplay, all of them were athletes, and we had daily sex. 

But we did have intimate contact, way more than most people we knew through the day - so I think this matters.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> So if the man doesn't do ice cubes and other foreplay we go to the vibrator which gives what kind of foreplay?
> 
> That paradox occurred to me while thinking at first that a guy should be willing to give what the girl wants. But a vibrator is totally inanimate. So why this paradox?
> 
> ...


Daily sex would be nice. 

I know what you mean about intimate contact throughout the day. Foreplay becomes an affair that lasts for hours. I think it's the brain is the organ that is responsible for making you feel turned on.

But, I would like to try new things that don't just involve a quick bit of PIV. I really miss the good times we used to have when we first started seeing each other. 

Don't get me wrong, I like a quickie as much as the next person, but when all you get is a quicky, it can be unsatisying. These days he is just finishes as soon as possible. I don't get a chance to orgasm and he is not interested in carrying on after he has shot his bolt, so to speak. Hence the vibrator. At least I know I'll actually get an orgasm.


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Having read your points the pictures is clearer now. You may be righ in saying that a few years ago your H went through the "welbeing" stage and you obviously saw the effect on others (women in this case). He must have seen it himself (its the pea**** scenario with a guy so he must have known). I think as was stated earlier by one of the guys perhaps your man is used to the adoration and now youve stolen some of the limelight? 
I certainly think that communication is there but may not be covering issues and these are starting to develop (else why come to tam )
You H may well feel threatened by the new or emerging you, only you two can get to the bottom of that. Bringing him in on some of the fitness regime is a good thing anyway. Biking etc is good for you both and may encourage him to indulge himself more in what your doing. However, that can be a "space invader" as sometime time apart for differing activities helps.

You mention that you have an eye for the ladies does your H know this? Is he genuinely ok about it? Could he be worrying that your making a life for yourslef and leaving him behind? 

You said "Don't get me wrong, I like a quickie as much as the next person, but when all you get is a quicky, it can be unsatisying. These days he is just finishes as soon as possible. I don't get a chance to orgasm and he is not interested in carrying on after he has shot his bolt, so to speak. Hence the vibrator. At least I know I'll actually get an orgasm. ", There appears to be an area that really needs communication and I have to be honest more respect from HIM on this matter.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Pault said:


> Having read your points the pictures is clearer now. You may be righ in saying that a few years ago your H went through the "welbeing" stage and you obviously saw the effect on others (women in this case). He must have seen it himself (its the pea**** scenario with a guy so he must have known). I think as was stated earlier by one of the guys perhaps your man is used to the adoration and now youve stolen some of the limelight?
> 
> *Sorry, but what does pea**** mean? Can you give me a clue if it is too rude to type?*
> 
> ...


The last one is a problem. I am trying to be more adventurous and get him to be more interested. I can understand that he lost some attraction for me when I was overweight and unfit, but that has changed. Seriously, I have lost weight, got fit, stopped smoking, restyled my hair, make far more effort with my appearance, get my legs and Mrs Downstairs waxed and wear sexy things to bed etc. I am also just generally trying to be a better person and treat him how I would like to be treated. 

However, I am starting to feel like there's no point in bothering with sex anymore. In fact, we have less sex now than we used to. 

There are posts on TAM where men complain about their LD wives and how they won't make an effort to be sexy. So, what am I doing wrong? :scratchhead:


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Hi Vamp.

The comment (its the pea**** scenario with a guy so he must have known) was actually typed without the astrix it the male version of Pea Hen. The system here seems to be programmed to replace slang words for genitialia so the word is Peac**k. The brightly feathered bird who uses his massive coloured tail to attreact the female. Men as I guess you will agree can be very like that when wanting to attract female attention, Buffed up, nice skin tone, gleaming white smile and a chat up line like no other lol.

The fact of wanting "me time " I agreed with, I guess we all need space even for a few hours every week to relax doing what we like doing. 

Its clear from the statement about the efforts your putting in and the returns on that investment. I really feel he is now having to play catch up to a degree. I really think that the communication issue is the the blocking point. How do you think he would feel if he were reading your post here? If you are finding it awkward to breah these points because of fears of reaction by your H maybe you could just leaving him a really nicely worded "loving toned" letter and let him read what you really have going deep down. You clearly love him else why look for all the opportunities to get to the bottom of the issue. 
I think many of us (Im certinly one) hit a point sometimes where there is an issue and its festering inside you and for load knows what reason you just cannot seem to get the right way to get the message across. And this is normally because you really dont want confrontation, you just want it right.......


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Hi Pault,

Ahh, Pea****. I understand now. I thought it might have been something that was really filthy. 

You're right about not wanting confrontation. It's a matter of approaching these things in a constructive way that is actually helpful. 

He probably wouldn't be happy reading about this, but then it would be worse if I talked to people we both know about these problems.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> Daily sex would be nice.


You deserve it. 



> I know what you mean about intimate contact throughout the day. Foreplay becomes an affair that lasts for hours. I think it's the brain is the organ that is responsible for making you feel turned on.


Yes, and I think this is why none of my partners needed pre-sex foreplay, because we were engaged in foreplay all day, every day. 




> I don't get a chance to orgasm and he is not interested in carrying on after he has shot his bolt, so to speak.


Oh My God! This is SO WRONG.

You need to leave this guy. Right now is not soon enough.


----------



## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

If a woman is simply athletic with good muscle tone, but still looks like a woman, its all good.

If its a female body builder, then pass me the puke bucket. Why would any man want to sleep with a woman in a man's body, minus the penis and facial/body hair?


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Wow! Something amazing happened last night. I actually got oral and he made an effort! He has suggested doing some fun things and is up for some of my suggestions. About time!

It's just a bit of a shame that I have to put in so much hard work to get his attention. This whole business has seen me turning into a high maintenance woman, which I never wanted to become.

Gym memberships, beauty treatments, nails, nice hair, nice clothes and the rest are costing me a fortune.  Don't get me wrong, I have always had good personal hygiene and kept my lady garden in check, worn decent clothes etc, but I have had to really ramp it all up. 

This has all left me wondering whether he is actually a very shallow man, and I failed to see this before?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> Wow! Something amazing happened last night. I actually got oral and he made an effort! He has suggested doing some fun things and is up for some of my suggestions. About time!
> 
> It's just a bit of a shame that I have to put in so much hard work to get his attention. This whole business has seen me turning into a high maintenance woman, which I never wanted to become.
> 
> ...


 You figure he should like the person and you shouldn't have to do all that. Well even if he loves her, when she's more attractive its a stronger pull.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

treyvion said:


> You figure he should like the person and you shouldn't have to do all that. Well even if he loves her, when she's more attractive its a stronger pull.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but there's a normal level of grooming such as tidy hair, filed nails, clean clothes that aren't scruffy and flatter your figure, a bit of face powder and mascara, shaved legs and a neat and tidy foof. I think that should be perfectly adequate.

When you start getting into going to salons for expensive treatments and spending loads of money, I think that's a whole different ball park. 

To be honest, I do think that the normal level of grooming should be enough for people. I wouldn't expect my partner to go OTT. He showers every day, shaves, wears clean clothes and trims his nails etc. Expecting him to wax his chest and other fripperies would just be weird. I wouldn't find him any more attractive. In fact, I would think he was being very vain.


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Whopps, double post. Anyway, I think it is shallow.


----------



## Dale.Gribble (Mar 31, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> Well, I've got rid of my bingo wings. Sorry, I don't know if you use that expression in the States. In case you don't, its the wobbly sagging skin that hangs beneath a woman's upper arm/ tricep.
> 
> I think that woman looks pretty buff and ripped. I don't think it's possible for me to get a 6 pack or anything like that!
> 
> I eat well, but deffinitely still have some squidgey bits, they are just smaller and in the right places now. No more wobbly gut!


Congrats Welly, How long have you been going to the gym??

I will comments, since I am in sort of the same boat. But I am the guy.

The girlfriend suddenly decided that she needs to change her life. She went back to school, and stared working out.

I am proud of her for her progress, but deep down inside I do feel a little insecure.

Maybe she wants out? Maybe She found someone else? 

MY advice to you, is keep on working out, but really let your man know that you love him and all this is for you guys. And there will never be no other man.


----------



## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

I'm sorry, but I'd have to have homosexual tendencies to find this attractive


----------



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

dusty4 said:


> I'm sorry, but I'd have to have homosexual tendencies to find this attractive


That's not athletic. It's some chick on roids. I doubt she'd be able to run or cycle anywhere for any length of time. She just lifts heavy dumbells and stuff.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> No, you are barking up the wrong tree here! I can't begin to tell you how wrong you are. All of this is because I had been ill for years, put on weight and then stopped smoking. This is obviously for me, but also because I want to look good for my partner.
> 
> Our sex life took a bit of a hit and I am trying to rekindle things. In all honesty I am not looking for other options and don't have my eye on anyone else.
> 
> Why do you ask? Do you think it could be an issue for him?


Haven't gotten through the whole post, so this might be addressed already.

We aren't talking about what motivates YOU...we are talking about what HIS perception is...

Perception is in the mind of the perceiver.


----------

