# 4 kisses and 1 All the way



## Damithurts (Jun 11, 2009)

Hi. Like many of you I guess I am here to tell my story and maybe get some sound advice. I have been married 9 years. In the first 2 years I had an affair that lasted 6 months when we were separated. I realised I was not the kind of person who could do this, so I stopped it and have never done anything of the sort since. Yes, I was a bad boy and the guilt was not pleasant or worth it.

Recently however I discovered that ,my wife has not been so good either. In fact she kissed two friends of mine, both who worked for me. And a third, who did not work for me.

She then kissed another guy. Strangely enough, because he never knew me and I never knew him, this one does not bother me that much.

Then finally, she had a full blown affair that I believe lasted in the region of 4 to 5 months, and led to a further separation.

Now we have been back together for a few years since then. My wife tells me that my "booze" days (which were admitedly heavy) pushed her away. She was lonely, felt I did not love her, and so on, which led to these moments of weakness. I somehow can accept some of that. But what I find hard to accept, is that she kissed guys who worked with me. And who were in the prime of their booze days too.

Finally, what I struggle to get passed is that after my moment of infidelity, I learned my lesson and made sure it could and would never happen again. My wife however, never seems to have learnt that same lesson. 

I love her dearly, but how can anyone move forward in a relationship, when they've discovered that their partner can get up to mischief with so little remorse or at least without any lesson learnt? If lessons were learnt it would not have happened repeatedly right?

Any advice would be nice to hear.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

When it comes to cheating this is my personal belief:

Cheat once, forgive, figure out why, and learn: try again and give benefit of the doubt.

Cheat more than once, move on as the person you are married to has issues they obviously did not address after cheating the first time and life is too short to waste on hard headed non-learners of life's hard lessons.

Maybe your wife just likes kissing your colleagues? I truly believe it was more than "kissing" and no one is telling you something you should be thinking anyway with her history.

If I were you I would "love" her now like a brother, from afar because you never know what disease you are going to catch these days. Stay safe.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> When it comes to cheating this is my personal belief:
> 
> Cheat once, forgive, figure out why, and learn: try again and give benefit of the doubt.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Damithurts (Jun 11, 2009)

Hi,

And thanks for your response. Please understand however that your own experiences may or may not be the same as my own.

Please first accept that what I have written is correct, rather than try to assume that any more went down. They were just kisses yes. If you want to assume they were more and respond in that regard, then this is probably the wrong thread to respond too. Because they simply weren't.

I am asking a simple question, assuming that everything I have written happened exactly as I have written, and not suddenly became a string of full blown affairs.

Hope that makes my position a little clearer.


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## wantingmore (Nov 24, 2008)

I see your point. However whatever she did happened on more than one occasion. As you stated she does not seem to have remorse and did not learn her lesson.
I would have a hard time moving forward knowing that, and that at any time she could do it again. To me kissing is a form of cheating too. Even if it just starts or ends at kissing what made her decide to go farther with one guy. What if the next kiss goes farther?
Just some things to think about.


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## Damithurts (Jun 11, 2009)

wantingmore said:


> I see your point. However whatever she did happened on more than one occasion. As you stated she does not seem to have remorse and did not learn her lesson.
> I would have a hard time moving forward knowing that, and that at any time she could do it again. To me kissing is a form of cheating too. Even if it just starts or ends at kissing what made her decide to go farther with one guy. What if the next kiss goes farther?
> Just some things to think about.


I see your point too. thank you.

May I ask however, if you think that my heavey nights drinking and not coming home before pumkin hour might be cause for her frustration? Could it be that she was so lonely that she eventually just said, "if you can't beat em join em"? Don't want to make excuses for her, but these are the excuses I've been given.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I may or may not be reading this correctly....so you're wanting to know if you were responsible for her kissing/cheating? The answer is yes...and no (there is never a quick easy answer!) Your behavior contributed to the situation. It absolutely did. But it is not your fault that she made the choices she made. She could of demanded counseling, or gave you an ultimatum, or left you if she was that unhappy with you. The question is, will there always be some type of excuse to give her reason for her behavior? I cheated on my first husband. He was not a nice man. He was abusive. I became friends with a neighbor who treated me very kindly, and I practically jumped into his arms. But, that affair didn't do anything to help me or my situation. It gave me a little bit of confidence that there were other men who could love me (which contradicted everything my husband told me for years). But, the bottom line was, the affair did nothing to help....I should have just left my husband. Fast forward 6 years. I divorced my 1st husband and remarried. My 2nd husband was all I could ask for. He was kind and loving, and completely different from my first husband. Well, I kissed an employee of his. A man 8 years younger than me. Why??? Thats a hell of a good question. The answer...there was a physical attraction there to begin with, and it was quite obvious. The employee came over to work at our house for about a week. My husband actually assigned him to work with me around the house for that week. That attraction turned to major flirting, most of which my husband was aware of, and then finally to the kissing. Temptation won over. I should of never let myself be in that situation with a man who I was attracted to, and who I knew was attracted to me. That kiss had nothing to do with my husband. I was perfectly happy with my marriage. I should have prevented the situation, and that is the bottom line. 

This was a long response, sorry. But maybe it gives you a glimpse inside a womans mind who has cheated.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

once is enough, twice is too much and thrice is a fool. you will be the one to set your boundaries.


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