# My wife and the problems we have. I need help.



## etnies (May 20, 2009)

I will just get right into it.
My wife and I got married very quickly, 4 months after meeting each other.
Our marriage was a little bumpy for the first year, mainly due to us living with her family. After we moved out of there place and got our own place things got a lot better.
Fast forward 5 years.
My wife and I where looking to move to a more permanent location, a place where we would be basically equal distance from where we work. But she liked this one place that had a NO PETS LAW in that community. She wouldn't listen to me and said something to, they will never find out.
Anyways, that sparked off us splitting up and living apart from each other..
We didn't want a divorce but needed our space from each other for a little bit to just figure things out.
This actually made our relationship a lot stronger and spending more time w/ each other. She couldn't move out because of a lease agreement that was HORRIBLE!
BUT, then this happen.
Her family, which makes a lot of her decisions, forced her to buy a condo, with out me even knowing. They told her that this was a good deal, etc, etc. I found out and we talked and agreed that this was a bad decision and we tried to get her deposit back. But found out that there would be a huge penalty for backing out. So I said go for it then.
This was bad on so many different levels.
Now this is where I probably went wrong. When she asked me to move in w/ her I said no, a couple of my reasons where, mad at her for doing this without me knowing, the location ( for me ) was really bad. And since she moved in to her new place we only see each other a couple times a week
***Now comes the really bad S*IT.
I just found out that a few months back she was arrested for prostitution!!!issed:
She was working for a massage parlor that was busted.
It seems that she's been working there for at lease 3 months or so from what the police told me.
The info I know is that she is on probation for at lease 5 years, she was fined, and if she ever gets busted for any misdemeanor, it's automatic jail.
I took a deep breath and thought about us and the situation and 
decided to stay with her for these reasons: 
I really do love her, I know it was very difficult for her to pay for the utilities and mortgage and all of her other bills, and this would be a easy way to make a lot of money quickly. This is just some of the info the arresting officer told me during a meeting I had w/ him. He also added that she was very embarrassed and added some other info I don't wish to share. I did help her out some, but I also had my bills too. Being married for 8 years and 6 years of it being good, it was something I believe we can work out.
This is where I'm at now.
She's goes out drinking with a couple of her friends, which one of them, myself and her Aunts don't like, shes just a bad influence on my wife.
My wife gets drunk at lease 3 times a week and sometimes drives drunk, which I have told her countless times not to do.
This past weekend when I got down to her place I found a empty 3 pack condom box on a cabinet. I questioned her about it, which she said was her friends, this bad influence friend.
This is what she told me, her friend and her friends boyfriend stayed the night after a night out drinking because they all got really drunk, and that, that box was theirs and not hers.
She said please believe me, that is not mine! We talked for a little bit about, and I left it at that.
Later on that night we talked again and I told her that I think that we need to move back together again and try and save this marriage. I asked her what she thinks of that and she replied, let me think about it.
We both have discussed living together again once she can sell her place and we can get another place that is bigger, because the place she has now, IS really small, 500 Sq Ft. Not really big enough for a couple to live in and w/ this economy that could be a year or 2 before she can sell it and make something.
But this, "let me think about it", makes me think that this is the end. Because why would someone need to think about that after just saying how much she loves me.
Now because of this and everything else, I find it hard to trust her at all. I don't know if I should believe anything she tells me. I love her with all my heart and I just feel that she doesn't love me the same way, even thou she insists that she does love me.
I have always put her first and her interests before mine.I do like the area I live in and to be honest with you, don't really want to move where she is. I believe I have made many sacrifices in living in the areas she wanted to live, but I feel that this might be something I need to do to, move in with her if she says yes.
I did tell her to think about it, but I also told her that if she would say, "no", then this, as much as it would kill me, that this marriage will have to come to a end. Her reaction was very sad and she cried. But for what she cried for, I don't know what. 
So there you go.
Sorry for making this so damn long.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

So instead of going BK, she becomes a drunken prostitute. I wonder how her family would feel about that. Dude, you need to run the other way. She will be busted again, and you will be spending your weekend in a jail visiting room. Think about it, you know she is cheating, where was she exactly while her friend was doing this other guy, ITS A 500 SQUARE FT. APARTMENT! In truth, you should move on. IF you decide not to, you need to out her to her family. And let them know that they are partly to blame for forcing her into prostitution (how many other poor women have been pressured into this by this economy and housing devaluation?). Then she needs to walk away from the condo. She will never sell a single bedroom condo. As I said. You should run the other way. But best of luck with either direction.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You are one of those guys that likes being rescuer to flawed women like your wife.

You will never accomplish that rescue and she will continue to fail you. 

I recommend that you stay away from her and seek a divorce.

You will not find happiness with her, only pain.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, dude. I know it hurts, terribly; but you need to get away and move on. I promise it will hurt. 

But it will heal. Leave her, divorce her, get it over and done with. 

My daughter is in the business and I support her decision; but my xfg did essentially the same thing -- married her neighbor for his money (without telling or breaking up with me!). 

It sucks really big time! Leave now while you still have some of your mental health intact. In time it will heal and you'll get over it; I know it doesn't look like that now!


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