# It's The End of July



## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

And I told my wife of 22 years on June 7 that I want a divorce. Of course, she said no. I wanted to go to a mediator, wanted no other way. She wanted to go to a counselor, again.

I feel nothing for her. Zero. Zip. Yet I am still here and don't no how to take the next step. Our 16 year old son, a picture of depression, seems to be coming around a little at a time. This week he is at camp, a step that took a lot of effort to get him to do. Do I risk taking the next step, divorce, at his expense? Geez. I wish this were easy.

I find myself constantly craving closeness, yet I don't want to risk it with my wife. It makes me feel like a pitiful jerk who just wants his wife gone so he can mess around. Yet I know that's not it. I want a companion, I want affection that I have not experienced for many years.

We are at the end of a week where both children were gone, yet we have not made much time for each other. If she wants reconciliation, she has a funny way of showing it.

Who says men do not experience pain? I am in hell.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

BOLT dude


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

There's a reason why you don't want to risk closeness with your wife. Can you enlighten us?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry cannot understand your situation. Have you and your wife been to MC? What is the actual problem. Sounds like you are emotionally wounded and have decided to stop loving your wife. Why?


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Your first post (of many separate threads...) about your marriage falling apart was in January 2012. Why now?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> I want a companion, I want affection that I have not experienced for many years.


Married 23 years. Sexless, loveless for...too long. Years. I want to be wanted SO badly, it's hearbreaking. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually. I just want to be loved.

But I will not crush SO many lives just because I'm miserable. I can't do it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She said NO?? DUDE, she doesnt get a vote! Sorry! You want a divorce, then you get one, you dont need her permission! Yes, it would be the more agreeable way of doing things, but you can get a divorce without her! I have posted this here before, I divorced my second husband without a single word or signature from him. Do not allow her to dictate your life.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Thundarr -- I want a companion, I want affection that I have not experienced for many years. Not only do I think she is not capable of being the companion and offering the affection that I need from her, she finally admitted to me near the end of May.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

DayOne said:


> Your first post (of many separate threads...) about your marriage falling apart was in January 2012. Why now?


There are a lot of reasons why it takes time to make a life changing decision like divorce. I want to make sure that I am not making a decision that I am going to regret. I am a Christian who tries to live like one, and there is no infidelity, so there is no biblical reason that supports a divorce. I am one who believes that a serious decision should not be made suddenly and without weighing the options. I have kids who will not understand, especially my daughter who I love more than my life itself. Obviously this is a huge struggle for me.

Counseling costs more money than I have --$160 a session. We went once. She went again by herself.

If you are insinuating that I have whined here since 2012, you are right. There has to be a way for me to cope. Isn't one of the purposes of this place is to help people cope?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Married 23 years. Sexless, loveless for...too long. Years. I want to be wanted SO badly, it's hearbreaking. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually. I just want to be loved.
> 
> But I will not crush SO many lives just because I'm miserable. I can't do it.


Yes. That's it!


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