# Need some women advice



## Ulen864 (Sep 23, 2012)

My wife does not seem to like spending any amount of time with me. When she is at home, she is online talking to people or checking FB and when she isn't online, she is texting on her phone. Not a huge deal but it is daily and then she wants to spend many nights out with friends either at their house or out drinking. I know she loves me and would not hurt me but I have brought this up to her before but she finds reasons that her friends need her or she needs some time out of the house. We have 2 kids and they are 1 and 5. 
I get that she needs time but leaving me home gives me the responsibility of cleaning the house and everything else within it. I do not know what to do about this since she does not seem like changing her ways any time in the near future. Advice???


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## WhyDoIFeelThisWay (Sep 24, 2012)

What does she do when you suggest you guys do something outside of the house together? I know that my husband enjoys relaxing and spending time watching TV after work, but I think this is extremely boring, so I will go online, call a friend etc. when he is doing this. But if he suggested we go for a walk, take the kids to the park I would be all for it.


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## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

Ulen864 said:


> My wife does not seem to like spending any amount of time with me. When she is at home, she is online talking to people or checking FB and when she isn't online, she is texting on her phone. Not a huge deal but it is daily and then she wants to spend many nights out with friends either at their house or out drinking. I know she loves me and would not hurt me but I have brought this up to her before but she finds reasons that her friends need her or she needs some time out of the house. We have 2 kids and they are 1 and 5.
> I get that she needs time but leaving me home gives me the responsibility of cleaning the house and everything else within it. I do not know what to do about this since she does not seem like changing her ways any time in the near future. Advice???


Sounds like there may be more going on?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Ulen864 said:


> My wife does not seem to like spending any amount of time with me. When she is at home, she is online talking to people or checking FB and when she isn't online, she is texting on her phone. Not a huge deal but it is daily and then she wants to spend many nights out with friends either at their house or out drinking. I know she loves me and would not hurt me but I have brought this up to her before but she finds reasons that her friends need her or she needs some time out of the house. We have 2 kids and they are 1 and 5.
> I get that she needs time but leaving me home gives me the responsibility of cleaning the house and everything else within it. I do not know what to do about this since she does not seem like changing her ways any time in the near future. Advice???


Do you really know who these people are to whom she is chatting online? You should find out *discreetly*


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## Ulen864 (Sep 23, 2012)

WhyDoIFeelThisWay said:


> What does she do when you suggest you guys do something outside of the house together? I know that my husband enjoys relaxing and spending time watching TV after work, but I think this is extremely boring, so I will go online, call a friend etc. when he is doing this. But if he suggested we go for a walk, take the kids to the park I would be all for it.


She is tired and lazy so we stay in and watch a movie. I try to get her to go to dinner or the bar together but she isnt in the mood. I try to get her offline or away from her phone so we can cuddle at least, but its a hard sell. 

I trust her to where I dont think I should try to discretely find out what she is doing. She tells me she is with her friends and their house or bar and she hasnt given me a reason to think she is lying. And i dont think there is more going on, she tells me she cant look her male clients in the eyes when she is cutting their hair, so I dont think she would be doing those sorts of activities.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Ulen864 said:


> She is tired and lazy so we stay in and watch a movie. I try to get her to go to dinner or the bar together but she isnt in the mood. I try to get her offline or away from her phone so we can cuddle at least, but its a hard sell.
> 
> I* trust her to where I dont think I should try to discretely find out what she is doing. She tells me she is with her friends and their house or bar and she hasnt given me a reason to think she is lying. And i dont think there is more going on, she tells me she cant look her male clients in the eyes when she is cutting their hair, so I dont think she would be doing those sorts of activities*.


You know your wife,we don't. But the Coping with Infidelity forum is filled with threads whose posters (men) said the same thing about their wives. 

You should check it out


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I wouldn't like it if my husband went to bars without me..that just doesn't seem right. You should show up where she's at. You also should find some common hobby or interest to share.


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## Ulen864 (Sep 23, 2012)

I checked out the infidelity area, doesnt help my feelings on the situation but some good insights, thanks. 

I dont think its right for her to be at bars all the time with me, but I do like to go with her and have fun. She also drinks quite a bit when she goes out wit friends, and Im just protective in nature so I worry and cant sleep until she gets home. Am I just over protective and need to relax?


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## sagebush (Sep 24, 2012)

Is it possible that she has a drinking problem and that is isolating her from you, and from family life (it sounds like you don't do fun stuff as a family either)? Have you talked about that with her?
I know that you don't like to consider the possibility of infidelity, but please review WHY you trust her. Do you have sound reasons? Do those reasons still exist? Any time a couple isn't nurturing their own connection, there's space for a new one to be formed.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Good Mothers do not spend several nights a week out with their friends drinking.

I suggest marriage counseling.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

So, she's not too tired to go out with her friends but not with you?

One of two things pops into my mind:

1 - She's not that into you anymore - Have you gained weight or anything like that?

2 - She likes the attention of other men at the bars and doesn't want you there. If she's not involved in anything now, she's on a slippery slope - INVESTIGATE!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ulen864 said:


> I checked out the infidelity area, doesnt help my feelings on the situation but some good insights, thanks.
> 
> I dont think its right for her to be at bars all the time with me, but I do like to go with her and have fun. She also drinks quite a bit when she goes out wit friends, and Im just protective in nature so I worry and cant sleep until she gets home. Am I just over protective and need to relax?


This is not congruent with not wanting to check on her because you trust her. She puts herself in these situations. All evidence says she does not want to spend time with you ... but you trust her.

Ok fine. I think there are some serious gaps in logic here.

Your gut is telling you there is a serious problem. From what you have posted I would agree this is something you need to investogate, but you are unwilling to engage for some reason.

At this point I would say you are the opposite of overprotective because while you know there is reason to be concerned you do not act on it.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Suddently have someplace YOU need to go to with a friend.

When she wants to spend time with her friend,.. say sorry... this time you are home with the kiddies.. I've got to go help such n so..


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

What's your family time like with the kids...do you all do things together like cook and story time and do you both give the kids baths together at night and tuck them in together, and give them breakfast together at the table? 

It sounds to me as though family life isn't fulfilling her needs. You can step up and be a leader in that, figuring out things to do to bond as a family. There's nothing so sexy and attractive as a guy who clearly shows he wants not just his wife's time and attention, but also to be part of a family unit with her, and enjoyably so. If she spends a lot of time taking care of the kids and you 'efficiently' break down the other household tasks separately rather than together, she may feel that you, her husband, are just another chore she has to take care of. Vs. if you do a lot of family things together, or a daily basis, then it's more of a couple thing, having a family, and she will see the couples time as an extension of that, and then put her friends and her own personal time as a slightly lower priority...or feel better about inviting friends over for family dinner with you.


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