# Opinions of Divorced and Married people??



## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

I am in the middle of a separation as most of you know and really don't actually know the right move to make, but any way, that is not the Q here.

I have spoken to divorced people and they tell me, hang in there a bit longer, they wish they had....

Married people on the other hand say hoof the woman and get divorced...

Has any one else had the same expirience?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Zulu said:


> I am in the middle of a separation as most of you know and really don't actually know the right move to make, but any way, that is not the Q here.
> 
> I have spoken to divorced people and they tell me, hang in there a bit longer, they wish they had....
> 
> ...



Zulu you will know in the deepest part of you when the time is right for you to divorce. After 42 years with my wife I knew divorce was my only option. Been separated now for a year and I haven't changed my mind one little bit.

Bob


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Whether to divorce or not is too personal of a decision for anyone else to try to tell someone else whether to do it or not. However..there are times such as in abusive situations where divorce IS the answer. Or when all hope is lost.

I was married over 20 years to my children's father. When I booted him, it was the best decision I'd made in a long time. The time had come. I did it with full confidence that I was making the right decision. And I was. My regret is that I didn't do it sooner. 

You can't take the advice from other people whether to divorce or not. That is a purely personal decision to be made by the parties involved. If you're having doubts though, maybe you're not ready to divorce.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I am divorced and re-married, so maybe I have both perspectives. I think it all depends on what the issues in the marriage are. I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, but I definately knew that divorce what the thing to do when the time came.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I am divorced. I never tell anyone to stick it out because I wish I had...I don't wish I had. In fact, I feel I stuck it out a bit too long. Personally, I think you, and only you, will know whether you should leave her or not. Anyone on here, or even in your real life, only knows what you say or what they see, which is never the whole story. Only you and your wife know the whole story, and therefore only you two, or one of you, can decide if it's time to end it or not. 

You have to do what you feel is best.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Zulu said:


> I am in the middle of a separation as most of you know and really don't actually know the right move to make, but any way, that is not the Q here.
> 
> I have spoken to divorced people and they tell me, hang in there a bit longer, they wish they had....
> 
> ...


Who initiated the separation?

What signals (if any) are you getting from the other side?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am divorced and re-married.

My up bringing taught me that divorce is shameful, especially for a woman.

When I first got married, I never thought that I would divorce.

But sometimes we marry people who don't click with us.

It took me a lot of courage to make that decision. 

But after I made the decision, I felt relieved. Even living alone is better than living with somebody who doesn't click. 

But this is my story, we all have different stories. I was married to somebody who didn't click. 

Now I am married to a man who clicks with me, I am so happy. 

When we are older, we know more clearly what we want.


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Who initiated the separation?
> 
> What signals (if any) are you getting from the other side?


My wife wanted the separation. Now she wants to meet tomorrow to discuss financials and some other stuff, seems she is struggling to cope financially???


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Zulu said:


> My wife wanted the separation. Now she wants to meet tomorrow to discuss financials and some other stuff, seems she is struggling to cope financially???


Won't hurt to meet with her.

Yet, if you don't want to be divorced/separated, this is the time to let her know.

Sounds like she may be missing you.

That's a positive sign.


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Won't hurt to meet with her. Yet, if you don't want to be divorced/separated, this is the time to let her know. Sounds like she may be missing you. That's a positive sign.


Well, that will make me happy. I did see her last night at my youngest son's music prize giving. She came to sit by me and my oldest son, I just said Hi, and then when she left, she waved and said bye, literally 2 words and this is the first time we have seen each other in weeks. Well must say she was looking spectacular!!!! IIt was so difficult to sort of "ignore" her and I do not wear my wedding band anymore nd think she saw this as well. I wonder what tomorrow will bring....


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## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

seperated right now and i asked for this....my husband is havin a hard time and constantly tellin me to try and asks me for sex and to not give up- I MEAN ALOT. i just try to be gentle and not hurtful at all which i think may give him mixed signals....i was always the one to care for both of us. he never shared his feelings. he never even said sorry to me. in 14 years. so i feel like i am doing the same thing during this separtion/ divorce...like i am caring for both of us. idk. i feel stuck. but wanted to share so you know not to misread her. she is just being nice. if she wanted to be back together she would ask you out to dinner or to come over etc. good luck


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

OK, the exact text she sent, translated of course.... <Hi, I think we must get together to talk about a few things, amongst others, finances. Will today work? Or tomorrow for coffee? S>

Well, will have to see what happens tomorrow... I miss her so much, actually.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

She has no interest in getting together with you, she wants to talk about money, not love.

Move on with your life, she will not be a part of it.



Zulu said:


> OK, the exact text she sent, translated of course.... <Hi, I think we must get together to talk about a few things, amongst others, finances. Will today work? Or tomorrow for coffee? S>
> 
> Well, will have to see what happens tomorrow... I miss her so much, actually.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I am also divorced and remarried. I do not and have never regretted my decision.

If you have not come down on one side of the fence or the other - maybe that's your answer. You might not be ready.

When I decided to file for divorce I was ready, there were no thoughts of going back and it was 5 years, 1 month and 10 days too long - I should have done it sooner.

The choice is yours and yours alone - you have to live with the consequences. Don't listen to anyone else - they are not and do not have to live your life.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

maybe the people you haave talked to are just feeling sorry for them selves, they might not be the one who filed. the pressure of being "out there" again, and the thought of meeting someone new is to scarry for them and would have preffered to stay on something bad just to avoid this.

that whole hindinsight 20/20....

and maybe if you are so conflicted, then maybe you should try and to work ti out?? most of the time when a decision is made there is a clear right and wrong, yes and no.

if there was no cheating or abuse...start dateing again, or take time off for your selves, start talking about what went wrong and what could have been handled differently.

sometimes restment makes us mad and clouds our judgement.

this didnt really help did it??? good luck


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I regret not divorcing him sooner. I wasted 5 years of my life on him, but I learned from it. I know I won't ever put up with crap like that again.


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