# just don't know how to leave



## Gwendo74 (Jun 26, 2011)

It's been 5 years and my husband has been without consistent work. It's not only that...he will only do things i bother him about. 
After trying to be hopeful and support him, i have stuck with him. He is a talented architect, but he refuses to do any work other than architecture or building. 

We have a $2000 mortgage and we have depleted our huge savings to keep current. Meanwhile, i have worked two or even three jobs for the past three years to make ends meet. i love his personality, but he has no drive, no ability to support himself or take care of basic things. He was in charge of the taxes. We have two years that were never filed and he just ignores it.

I got him a doc appt, thinking he was depressed. He is on meds now for ADHD, depression, and uses a respirator at night for sleep apnea. None of these things have improved his behavior. The doc told him sleep apnea would go away if he lost weight. He is currently about 50 lbs overweight and takes no means to change his diet. in fact, he has been going to fast food restaurants and buying soda to keep in the house. 

i could go on and on. i have my problems too but he will not engage in communication other than, "i mowed the lawn today" or "i don't know how to help you" LIKE I have the problem. i asked him to leave once and he told me i would be destroying our family and that i could never survive on my own. So i backed down.

Now it's almost six months later and nothing has changed. Except now, i feel disgusted by him and will do anything to not be around him. I am so angry, and i'm working 7 days a week while he takes our kids to parks, playdates and movies. 

I will not leave without the kids. But i don't think i can keep up this house by myself. I know if he leaves he will go live in his mom's basement and she will totally take care of him. But she left his father for the same reasons. If I leave with the kids i think he will lose this house we have put so much money into.

Any advice??


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Do you know if that is what you want? Or are you still willing to work on things if possible. It wasn't clear in your post.

Leaving is easy. Tell him you want a divorce. Or even just try a trial separation. No need to lose the house. Hopefully pragmatism comes out and you both realize that maybe he should leave, or have in house separation until the house sells. 

In short, work through the issues like child schedules, assets, living arrangements, etc as amicable as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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