# Stepfather crossed the line



## acer46 (Sep 28, 2011)

I'm in shock, I found 2 videos taken by my husband of my daughter (his stepdaughter) aged 24 getting dressed and undressed. This had been secretly taken using a laptop in our bedroom, my daughter stayed with us for a week and often used my room to get ready so she could use my hairdryer.
My daughter would be devastated along with our whole family about all of this.
My husband and I have been married 21 years, surely I can't stay with him now?
Advice would be so welcome, thankyou


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Turn the trash cans over and blow this crap out of the water.

Do not sweep this under the carpet, do not sugar coat this....even if you could.

The point is, bring a sh~t storm down on him that will open his eyes and make him face the real consequences of this matter.
Drop a very load bomb on his but, if you know what I mean?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

the guy said:


> Turn the trash cans over and blow this crap out of the water.
> 
> Do not sweep this under the carpet, do not sugar coat this....even if you could.
> 
> ...


One of my kids teachers did that to his girlfriend's sons. He is now in prison. I'm concerned if anything else happened during her younger years. Any other children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

the guy said:


> Turn the trash cans over and blow this crap out of the water.
> 
> Do not sweep this under the carpet, do not sugar coat this....even if you could.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I hope there are no grandchildren.


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Hell no you can't stay with him now! Why was there even a question mark after that comment?! I completely understand that this has to be killing you but your obligation is to your daughter. How are you coping? Have you told him yet? Have you told your DAUGHTER yet? She has a right to know and she is 24 years old- you really don't have a reason not to tell her. I'm with golfergirl on the concern that this may definitely not be a one time thing. Time to have a serious sit down with your daughter and start packing your husband's sh*t.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Where is your daughters father. If you won't protect her then he will. Your are her mother and your first obligation is to her not a man. Woman up and stop puttin a man first. I say that because if your concern was where it should be you would have called her, her father and looked into legal action. 

This is an invasion of privacy, even accessing your partners email is actionable, do you think this filth is any less? Don't confront him while you are alone. Show a trusted relative your evidence and search the house for cameras in the bathrooms and other private areas. Don't handle them, his finger prints will be on them. Make sure your daughter knows in case he try's to communicate with her.

Consider whom to tell with your daughter he has a big problem and you don't want to have this happen to others. If you don't comeb down hard on this he will do it again to some other young women. He is a sick man. Has he had sexual problems before, inappropriate contacts with young women? Is he a teacher. Exposure must be respectful for your child but you do have an obligation to shut him down. 

Get busy.. Woman the efff up - you are not helpless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## acer46 (Sep 28, 2011)

Believe me if I thought my daughter had been looked at when she was younger I'd have called the police before now, I won't let this lie I will be looking into all of this, and my question mark is only as I'm still in shock and trying to think things through to know my next step.

Thanks for your replies.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What has her age got to do with it? You do now what you would have done at any age. Yes it would be child porn if she were younger but how do you know how long this has been going on? How do you know he has not been inappropriate with her in the past? He has been with you since she was 3 years old and he is so sick that she is an object of sexual pleasure when he should have formed a bond like a father.

Are you certain that you did not notice a perversion before now and you ignored it because you did not want to lose a man? Could your daughter have hidden his perversion because she knew you were reluctant to let a man go? Just sayin'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## acer46 (Sep 28, 2011)

Thanks Catherine, my daughter is my total priority, I maybe worded my post too briefly so it was unclear but I'm certainly woman enough to make sure my daughter is safe and knows about this, I just dread the hurt she'll feel that's what I meant, I've only just found this out and she isn't home yet.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I'll go a step further. What your husband did is a felony in 26 states. Taking video of naked people without their knowledge is a felony. If he uploaded it to a website without consent, it is a felony in all 50 states.
Your husband is a monster. Even worse, he has been your daughter's father since she was 3, a toddler. Now he is getting off seeing her naked?!
I wouldn't waste another second posting on a message board, I would be calling the police, calling the DA in your county, calling a lawyer, calling a locksmith, calling a friend who can shoot to kill, calling a therapist and calling your daughter to ask what the hell else happened. 
Stay with him? Are you f-ing kidding me?! Put him behind bars where he belongs and get your daughter in to counseling where she belongs.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What you did not anwer is telling. What about your plans to handle this. You need a plan. What about a trusted relative to support you when he returns if you daughter is agreeable. What about the search for other cameras and videos. I know you are shocked but you seem to be concerned about staying with this sicko and not the plans to help your daughter. You did not ask advice about how to tell your daughter but how to keep this man in your life. 

I say that because it reveals where your mind is and it is not in a good place in my opinion. You need to shift your frame of reference now to protecting your mental state and your daughters and you need a plan. As soon as you discovered the vids you should have realized that this man is out. The man you thought you knew and loved is no more. You now have this cancer in your 
life that has spread filth in your home. Clean house. 

To woman up is action not words. Is he likely to walk in after you tell your daughter that may not be optimal. What are your plans to get someone to be with you. It may be better to speak to him with someone present, preferably her father and have another relative with her away from sicko.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosco (Sep 16, 2011)

You first posted this at 6:29pm and your last post is 7:56pm. You're still thinking what to do? Hell if it was my daughter or son I know he would already be in the hospital cause of a fall down the stairs. And the cops would be there to arrest him for voyeurism. But that's just me. My kids come first.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Settle down everyone. acer just found this out, so to say it's shocking would be an understatement. After 21 years and to find out you don't really know who your husband is is just icing on her cake of shock. So yes, she has to clear her head a bit to start thinking more rationally. And, yes, the level of confusion swarming her mind right now is more than understandable.

Acer, I agree with everyone's post this far. This Is beyond serious. Can you leave the house for a while to settle your nerves? Or even kick your husband out until "further notice?". So to speak.

Your first priority is for you and your daughters safety and security. Then you can start thinking what to do with your husband after you feel more secure with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Settle down everyone. acer just found this out, so to say it's shocking would be an understatement. After 21 years and to find out you don't really know who your husband is is just icing on her cake of shock. So yes, she has to clear her head a bit to start thinking more rationally. And, yes, the level of confusion swarming her mind right now is more than understandable.
> 
> Acer, I agree with everyone's post this far. This Is beyond serious. Can you leave the house for a while to settle your nerves? Or even kick your husband out until "further notice?". So to speak.
> 
> ...


this is the very best advice you have gotten.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

:iagree:

calmly think and quietly bring your adult daughter up to speed, so the both of you can support each other and come up with the best game plan to blow this out of the water.
Its been my experience , split second disicions are the worst dicisions. So I regress blowing this out of the water is the best option, but getting there is just as important.

investigate this behavoir and make sure there is no BS like " it was for security" or "I don't trust her so I had to watch her to make sure she didn't take any thing"

What I have learned in the infidelity form is that evil people can come up with almost any excuse to justify there bad behavior.


Thank you alphaomega for calming it down and now acer is the time to investiagat and look into past behavior to validate....with out deniel the fact that your STBXH is indeed need of help.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

acer, I'm so sorry to hear about this devastating betrayal of trust - it is hard to think that something so easy to hide could be so destructive, but this really is a serious criminal offense - it is bad enough when it is some random voyeur but when it is your daughter's own stepfather since she was a toddler it really is disturbing... like others I too suggest taking you and your daughter to somewhere safe, and you should call the police and a lawyer - it may mean severe charges for your longtime H but this is a very very serious offense. I seriously hope that your daughter has not suffered any other abuse from this man, and if so you should probably seek some counseling to work on any repressed or scarring emotional abuse that has happened. I am praying for the best possible outcome for your daughter and yourself...


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

I would like to remind you all that we have been seeing seriously troll threads recently. 

We have obviously become the focus of a 4chan like site. Vagina like smell posts, my girlfriend is a druggie with a bank robber ex husband, and pedophile posts and other troll threads have arrived here in the last few days. 

Don't feed the trolls


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Is there any room for doubt about his behavior? Has there been previous evidence of inappropriate sexuality? Not to be crude, and bear in mind I do not have a daughter, but could it just be that your daughter is exceptionally attractive and he was exceptionally aroused and/or inebriated when the circumstances for his behavior presented themselves? Maybe he acted without consideration in the heat of the moment? Obviously the guy has some issues, but how deep are those issues? Is he a man who made a terrible mistake or is he a sexual predator?


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## acer46 (Sep 28, 2011)

Just to say thankyou, my husband knew he had to go there was no question really it was just shock and still is of my initial reaction. He's gone and my priority is my daughter, we've talked and will talk more later. Her whole world has just been shaken up and it's all heartbreak from here on in right now, she has my full support, love and protection. I don't want to go into details but be assured everything that should be done is being done right now.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

acer46 said:


> Just to say thankyou, my husband knew he had to go there was no question really it was just shock and still is of my initial reaction. He's gone and my priority is my daughter, we've talked and will talk more later. Her whole world has just been shaken up and it's all heartbreak from here on in right now, she has my full support, love and protection. I don't want to go into details but be assured everything that should be done is being done right now.


I can't imagine the blow you've just been given! I'm sorry. As far as you can tell right now, has this been going on for awhile? I don't know how to help your daughter other than what you have done already (protecting her). I wish you strength at this time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

rikithemonk said:


> I would like to remind you all that we have been seeing seriously troll threads recently.
> 
> We have obviously become the focus of a 4chan like site. Vagina like smell posts, my girlfriend is a druggie with a bank robber ex husband, and pedophile posts and other troll threads have arrived here in the last few days.
> 
> Don't feed the trolls


I'm wondering how a laptop was used as a secret camera myself. A built in camera would face the user, and therefore the middle of the room. So wouldn't the daughter see herself on the screen of the laptop?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Atholk said:


> I'm wondering how a laptop was used as a secret camera myself. A built in camera would face the user, and therefore the middle of the room. So wouldn't the daughter see herself on the screen of the laptop?


An external webcam could just feed to a laptop that wasn't actually off. About half of us at work have external webcams set up on a feed to our laptops since so many of our lovely new ergonomic and environmentally correct workspaces face us away from our doors...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Blessing to your entire family including your husband. 

By this I don't in any way feel any sympathy for him. There is far too much silence and collision by women when men overstep their bounds sexually. It is the truth that dare not be spoken lest a women be called feminist or male basher. Women know what we cannot speak and that is why your first concern was for this man and your relationship not the horrendous betrayal he perpetrated. 

Is it possible you knew on some level what he was not quite right but you could not know it. Somehow he showed his perverted interest in your daughter or women your daughters age before now. This society forgives alot of bad where the vulnerable are taken advantage of for sex. Your reaction was very female in a way , your first thought was for the sick man. It is unequivocally either him or her, there is no middle ground. Either you get rid of a man who has ceased to earn that title or you abandoned your daughter. 

I am still not convinced that you get it. You couched getting him out in terms of "he knew he had to leave". And you, what do you know? It is not he who makes the decision you don't even give a chance to decide. I dont mean to add to your distress but his making the dcision does that mean your encounter went something like this "darling I am so sorry but you can't stay"? Are you keeping the possibility of R and forgiveness open by letting him decide? 

Are you letting him walk away with a warning out of concern for ruining his life? If so, he has ruined his life, that of your daughter and your entire family when he gave into the inhuman desire to satisfy a sexual perversion by objectifying your daughter. . He needs to feel the consequences or he will continue to victimize. That is the only way to stop a sexual perversion. 

Indeed R is a noble goal but in a case where harm to a child is concerned, forgiveness is not possible. If you forgive and take him back you abandon your daughter because sexual invasion by a father figure inflicts a lifelong wound. R amounts to abandoning your child and the help you need to give her to recover and deal with this in favor of offering yourself to a sick man. 

Womanning Up - means protect the vulnerable - when any person is emotionally, physically or sexually abusive, exert your power as a human and stand up, speak and act. Women are not helpless, we are disconnected from their power but not helpless. when we speak out against theses abuses there is often accusations of man bashing and that silences us. 

The onslaught of contempt causes us to disconnect from what we know and pretend to not see. Something like what your original post indicated you were doing. Even having to ask is an indication of your disconnection from your own knowing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Indeed R is a noble goal but in a case where harm to a child is concerned, forgiveness is not possible. If you forgive and take him back you abandon your daughter because sexual invasion by a father figure inflicts a lifelong wound. R amounts to abandoning your child and the help you need to give her to recover and deal with this in favor of offering yourself to a sick man.


I completely agree and I am so sorry for what happened, Acer.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

What he did is so wrong and as a father of 2 daughters...he'd be in "trouble" with me.

Commenters: Please keep in mind that daughter is 24. Not that it makes it right...but don't call the man a pedo if your not sure.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The point here is that this man grossly overstepped his boundaries as a father figure. 

It's heinous. 

And no doubt the OP's daughter is going to have some scars for life from learning what he did.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

sinnister said:


> What he did is so wrong and as a father of 2 daughters...he'd be in "trouble" with me.
> 
> Commenters: Please keep in mind that daughter is 24. Not that it makes it right...but don't call the man a pedo if your not sure.


But .... This is not the first time that her age has been pointed out as a mitigating factor. As to the pedo - I think it is more than likely if he regards her as a sex object now that he has done so for some time and he might like underage girls. That should be carefully investigated What difference does her age mean actually. Does the age of consent have something to do with it? Are you hinting that at 24, having a father figure who regards her as an object should not be such a big deal. She a big girl, she knows about men and sex right so what's the big del? 

The big deal is that he took the most vulnerable relation that one can have, a parental relationship, and used it as an opportunity to access an object, who happens to have been in his care since todlerhood, for a few minutes of useless pleasure. 

She could have been 64 and the deal would be exactly the same. A narcissistic mind set that lex him to regard his sexual pleasure as more important than the position of trust he enjoyed, compassion, morality, shame, degradation and the comfort of home and family. If he wanted to look at naked 20 year old women he could have paid for one. But his need was more important than any other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Did you kick him where it hurts 1st before he left? So he helped raise your daughter and still did this, ugh...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I hope you're also looking into past activity. She may need help for it and may have repressed the memories.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear this OP.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> The big deal is that he took the most vulnerable relation that one can have, a parental relationship, and used it as an opportunity to access an object, who happens to have been in his care since todlerhood, for a few minutes of useless pleasure.


:iagree:


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## acer46 (Sep 28, 2011)

Again I thank you for the advice which I asked for, but I think it was probably more a confirmation I needed of what I already knew, it was so shocking and still is. 
It's all too easy to give the wrong message when trying to explain something briefly and much is read into how things are perceived as said, word by word is scrutinised especially on the internet, I'm not the greatest at explaining myself at any time.

There will be no going back for me and my husband that is the assurance I can tell you, we're already in touch with proffessionals and law enforcement and will go on from there.
I don't want to go into this any more here, I hope you understand I just don't want to air more of what we're doing, saying or feeling on the internet, but I am very grateful that you were there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No problem about not divulging more.

I think you are taking the right steps and appropriate actions. He does not deserve to be a part of any of your lives. Protect yourself, your daughter, your family from this a$hole. He is disgusting.

When I was about 18/19, a friend fo the family...older man... was caught by my mom mast-rbating outside my window as I changed. My mom told me. I was like, WTF?????????? Granted, he was just a family friend but I felt he would never do that since he was close with us and new me since I was born. Disgusting! I can't imagine if it was her own stepdad! 

Acer--cut him out of your life now and forever!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm sorry you have to go through this.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Thank you for sharing, again God bless you all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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