# Big consequences...and hurt, due to jelousy by other kids



## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

[I am having an anxiety problem and want to take it off my chest. Sorry for the long post, and I thank you for taking you time to read it.

I received a call from my youngest D, school principal, which it was a surprise on its own, since that has never happen to me before, with neither of my 2 kids. She tells me that some kids in school had been setting rumors regarding one of the Male Teachers in school (a teacher that is beloved by all his students) and that while they were trying to find truth from fiction, the kids mentioned my D, as been the girl that could set the rumors straight. Now let me see if I can give a tat of background here before I tell you what had been said in school.

About 3 years ago, there was a Child pervert going around and exposing himself to some girls. He came into our neighborhood and set his mind to one of my D best friends, a sweet child with ADHD problems. After many days he convince her to go to the woods with him, which she agreed if her friends went with her, well he exposed himself to her, with my D and the other friend being in the background. The jerk was caught and release on bail. While he was out of jail the kids got really affected by this, mine would not sleep in her bed or would not go anywhere to play if it was not in front of my house, her school grades started to go down sour and even the school started to notice that she was not been her ususal sunny self. She was scared that he would come back and try to hurt, not her, but her friend again.

After he was put in jail, and I explain it to her that he was in jail and would be in there for a few years, she started to turn around. She enter the 4th grade and this male teacher, became her savoiur, he took his time to put her back where she was supposed to be in school, he understood where her problems where coming from, her trust issues and reluctance to accept a male other than her Daddy and close family where big and in truth right, his patience and caring gain her trust and her respect and love for him. With us in the house and his patience, my D has become a better student that what she was before all the other stuff happen. He had been moved to the 5th grade with the kids, as per the overwhelming request of the kids and its parents, every single kid decided that they wanted him to move up with them and the school agreed. The all love him very much and he is very good with the kids, other students have notice and become jelous of his relationship with his students and I believe it has caused the rumors to start.

We as a family have gotten some sort of friendship with the teacher and his family (wife and kids). He cares for her very much and we have complete trust on him. We are not naive but we are good judges of character and do not believe that he could be a child pervert in any form.

Back to the rumors, some kids had said that he was been affectionate with his students, (giving hugs), and has touch some kids inappropriate, and point it my D as one of those kids. When the principal called her to her office, I imagine my D being very scared and nervous, since she has never being there before. The P asked her, she claimed he had touch her chest. Now imagine my shock to hear this, since she tells me everything and that had not come up and she has not been showing any signs that had set red flags for us. The school call the proper authorities to handle an investigation and ask us not to talk to the teacher or anybody else until everything had been cleared. Of course, I left my work early came home and talked to my D, as soon as she was home from school. While talking to her, (she is 10), I explained to her that I wanted only the truth regardless of what that was, that those were serious allegations and I need it to know what had happen, since the allegations can cause serious consequences to the teacher. She explained that it was the end of the day, and that the teacher had given her a hug and a kiss on the head, which he has done many other times through this 2 years, and that the hug had come from the side and he accidentally brush his arm on her chest while trying to give her the hug. I was very specific and asked her if he had grab, rub or squeeze, (she is starting to develop and has a little bit of breast), she says NO, it was just a brush while he went to hug her and that she really felt that it was an accident, not unpurpose. She did not say this to the principal because she tought that she just wanted to hear that he had tough her. I called the P and told her what I had been told, she says she believe that more than anything else but unfortunately she had set things in motion and they need it to run its course.

I knew deep down that nothing serious had happen, since she did not have any of the signs that come with abuse, I have been there before and now my D good enough to tell if something had happen, she talks about him with the same love and respect as always, and even made us go buy him a present for his birthday a few days ago, she knew what he likes and wanted to get him that. I could tell that she was confused, scared and did not know what to do, when she is facing the principal of the school with this ort of allegations, she does not even now why she had been called, even felt hurt that somebody would say something like that about her and him. I tried to be as assertive as I could and told her to just tell the truth, whatever that was, that we support her in whatever she has to do, but I really feel for her and for the teacher, those are serious allegations that can cause him the job that he loves to do.

Am I being to naive in wanting to believe that nothing happen? even when I can tell from her that really nothing happen? Or should I just let an innocent man lose his job and his life becasue of some kids, with jelousy attack and a malicious intents. Are we being to naive? :scratchhead:

Sorry for the lenght, but I really need it to explain and take this out of my ches, what to do. Thank you for taking your time to read.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

fact here, he shouldnt be touching the children at all.
regardless. so he is in effect touching a child.
no its not a nice scenario. 
but again fact, feelings can develop from both his and her angle and there are ppl out there that you think you know, but really dont.
i dont think the situation is naive - but you are a little to blame as you have allowed a strange friendship between a child and her teacher outside of the classroom.
at your daughters age she shouldnt know what he likes.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well this is a tough one..

I feel real bad for your daughter, not from the teacher, but her history of exposure. Has she seen a therapist? Counselour about all this? She should.

Now I coach my Daughter's soccer team 10-13 year old girls, some of the girls "hormones" are kicking in, I can tell one of them has a major crush on me, but I have to set the boundries as the coach, A couple of them want hugs, I'll allow them to give a "side arm hug" so we are side to side and my arm goes around their back and in front of their parents. Some of the girls try to jump on my back and play with my hair, and I tell them to cut it out. I tell them only my Daughter is allowed to jump on my back. I know one set of parents recogized that I was uncomfortable with their daughter "smacking me in the butt" Both her mom and dad had to pull her over and talk to her that it was inappropriate. normally I would reply, "leave my butt alone or I will fart on your hand" which usually gets a Ewwww,

But I made boundries and I try my best to enforce them, then I go to the parents if I feel they are not listening, next is I will bench them, then off the team.

Now as for the schoola nd the teacher, he faces the same obstacles, the girls at this age start to have crushes ont he male teachers, My daughter has a male teacher, she "loves him" in the sense he is a great teacher, I have good communication with him, and I can tell he is also a "good guy"

I think a big mistake was the school allowed the teacher to switch grades, this caused some jealousy amongst the students, kids can be very jealous and very caddy, they do not realize the implications of their "words".

Unfortunately for this teacher, now that he is under investigation, his career as a teacher will be over, it will get to the news, etc and it will blow out of control, even if he is innocent. I know a male teacher who this happened to, he was a medical trainer at a school, always had a female assistant in the room when evaluating a student injury, etc. Yet, a girl felt he touched her inappropriately, told the Principal, he was suspended and charged. He passed a lie dector test and many other students spoke on his behalf, but it didn't matter, he had the stigma and so did the school, so they fired him and he "plead" to a lesser crime to get probation, but his career that he loved and did for 20 years was now gone.

I suspect samething will happen to this teacher, his teaching career is over, in that state anyway or town.

While it is not your daughters fault she is a victim of circumstance, and if this principal knew her history, then she was the wrong person to question, this will only open up wonds, expecially know he will be under investigation, she will feel it is her fault and the truama will come. get her counseling, she will need to know it has nothing to do with her.

Unfortunatley the students that reported this, probably have no idea what they ahve done to this man's career and your daughters mental state.

As a male adult that deals with girls in this range, i find this to be one of my biggest fears and one of reasons I got out of teaching. All it takes is 1 rumor to ruin a whole career, sadly they're are thousands of GREAT teachers out there, but a few slimeballs ruin it for them all (much like the catholic priest syndrome)

Get your daughter counseling and she will need to speak up for this teacher honestly to help him.

very sad indeed.

Justean, it's easy to take your stance, but I deal with this age group, I have 12 girls on my team, all very loving and great kids, they are affecionate at that age, they want to give hugs, especially if your a "good guy" I refer to them as "ladies" and that they should be strong and independant, that they are responsible for their actions, but to have fun as well.

It's weird when they show physical affection, especially when you are caught off guard by it and the look of shock goes across your face. I should not have to feel like I am some pervert when a kid hugs me when we win our game or she scores a goal, they are naturally excited.....yet I been conditioned by society to tell them..."no touching, except you my duaghter" which then makes her feel weird and out of place that she can hug me and no one else can.

It's a catch 22, I love my girls on my soccer team, I hope they grow up to be strong, independant women that do well in life. I would never want any harm to come to them.

It's a fine line we must walk.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

Thank you for your replies. 

Justean, I agree with what you are saying, but what happen did not occur only to my D and not at my home.

GAsoccerman, thank you for your reply. Now, I can say with certainty that he touch a cuple of the kids, my D included, the investigators asked and were fill with stories, he accepted them and it will be arraigned this week. My D, did not get counseling the first time, since we did not feel that was necesary. This time the county is providing one, she requested one herself. And the whole class is going to get a new teacher with counseling background, due to the fact that the whole classroom is going to be impacted by this. They do not know yet, but when it hit the news, which it will, this week, the kids and parents are going to be as shock as I am, and I am sure the other parents are. I believe there were 3 girls involved.

But the investigation started due to kids from other classes complaining that this particular teacher was to firendly and why could they not have a teaher like him. So you see, none of the kids involve spoke up, because regardless of everything else they all like him and cared for him very much. He was one of themost liked and loved teachers in the whole school. This is a very small community and the impact will be huge. I broke down Saturday night, and right now my D is showing off a good face, but I know she will break down soon herself, and all I can do is support her, and let her know how much we love her and that we are with her 100%. She is not talking, and told her to take a dairy and write her feelings so she can should it to the counselor. I promise her I will not look at it, she wants it to be her private book, and I will honor my promise, even if it kills me. She needs to know that she can trsut me.

Of course, i blame myself, for the trust we gave, and I am glad that things came about now, rather than later. But it is hard.

Bella


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Bella,

You can't blame yourself, he exploited her and you. He knew your terrible situation which makes it even worse.

I really can't understand people that dot his sort of thing. As I said, I love my UG12 team to death all sweet girls, but I could never ever imagine harming them in anyway, it just blows my mind.

Get her counseling, the ones the school provides and I would get her one privately, and maybe you can do some joint sessions, becuase this is bothering you as well, and I am sure your husband is outraged, he will need it as well.

The diary is a great idea, let her fill it up and vent, it will do wonders for her.

I so sorry for your little girl and for you, these people are in positions of trust and you expect them to help treat your daughter with respect.

Don't sign any papers from the school district, they will want a "no-sue" clause for you to sign, I would talk to a lawyer, if anything, I would ahve the school pay for a private counselour for years, your daughter will need it.


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