# Why not leave house when things are toxic



## Minty* (Sep 16, 2019)

Going through horrendous toxic fights this past week... my family wants me to come stay with them for a few days. They think my husband is unstable and they are concerned about my health. They seen the appliances, busted cabinets, doors and read his name calling texts to me. 

My question is why in these situations is recommended on TAM to NOT leave your house during these times when divorce/separation is very likely.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Minty* said:


> Going through horrendous toxic fights this past week... my family wants me to come stay with them for a few days. They think my husband is unstable and they are concerned about my health. They seen the appliances, busted cabinets, doors and read his name calling texts to me.
> 
> My question is why in these situations is recommended on TAM to NOT leave your house during these times when divorce/separation is very likely.


When you read that advice it is normally to men with children at home where leaving could be seen as abandonment and impact custody. 

You don’t have children so GO!


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

Minty* said:


> Going through horrendous toxic fights this past week... my family wants me to come stay with them for a few days. They think my husband is unstable and they are concerned about my health. They seen the appliances, busted cabinets, doors and read his name calling texts to me.
> 
> My question is why in these situations is recommended on TAM to NOT leave your house during these times when divorce/separation is very likely.


Have you seen a lawyer? You just want to make sure you do it in the right way so that you are not relinquishing any legal rights to the home.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Minty* said:


> Going through horrendous toxic fights this past week... my family wants me to come stay with them for a few days. They think my husband is unstable and they are concerned about my health. They seen the appliances, busted cabinets, doors and read his name calling texts to me.
> 
> My question is why in these situations is recommended on TAM to NOT leave your house during these times when divorce/separation is very likely.


The dangerous time, usually, is when a woman tells a man it's over. I am not talking about all men, but a small proportion of men can get violent, and that is often the time. So if you are planning on announcing a divorce or ending, make sure you have a place all organised to go at that time. 

The advice to men not to leave the house is so they don't get accused of desertion.


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## Minty* (Sep 16, 2019)

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20yr said:


> Have you seen a lawyer? You just want to make sure you do it in the right way so that you are not relinquishing any legal rights to the home.


No I have not.. I have no idea what to expect but for my own sanity as well I think I need a couple days out of here. I passed out from stress and had to go to the ER.. I’m severely anemic so it is dangerous for my health.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Minty* said:


> Going through horrendous toxic fights this past week... my family wants me to come stay with them for a few days. They think my husband is unstable and they are concerned about my health. They seen the appliances, busted cabinets, doors and read his name calling texts to me.
> 
> My question is why in these situations is recommended on TAM to NOT leave your house during these times when divorce/separation is very likely.


First, it's not about leaving the house. It's about moving out.

Second, the idea is about not abandoning the home and family, rather than about personal safety. When someone is in danger, as you are, the scenario, and thus the advice, is different.

Third, if you call 911 when you feel you are in danger and have your husband removed, you should be able to get a restraining order and keep him out of the home. If you do that, it may not stop him, however, so I'd recommend leaving.

Do you have any proof of his violent behavior? Is so, you should contact the authorities and file charges against him. You need proof.


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

Your husband is dangerous to you physically and you need to file a restraining order and leave file for a divorce change all passwords to everything and get into counseling for your self to give you a support system involve your family in your plans to get to safety


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Bottom line:
One scenario is about desertion and the other (yours) is about fleeing danger. Your husband is the one who has done the desertion by putting you in danger.


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## Minty* (Sep 16, 2019)

Oh thank you all for clarification. No I don’t have children. I guess that was my confusion. 

I did text him I’m leaving for weekend. I’m worried about my dog- that’s why. She is my everything, was an abused shelter dog. She has separation anxiety from me and cancer. It breaks my heart to leave her. Maybe just a night or two will be good for me and she’ll be ok.


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## MILProblems (Sep 11, 2019)

Minty* said:


> Oh thank you all for clarification. No I don’t have children. I guess that was my confusion.
> 
> I did text him I’m leaving for weekend. I’m worried about my dog- that’s why. She is my everything, was an abused shelter dog. She has separation anxiety from me and cancer. It breaks my heart to leave her. Maybe just a night or two will be good for me and she’ll be ok.


Can you take her with you, have a friend watch her at their place, or board her for a few days?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Minty* said:


> ```
> 
> ```
> No I have not.. I have no idea what to expect but for my own sanity as well I think I need a couple days out of here. I passed out from stress and had to go to the ER.. I’m severely anemic so it is dangerous for my health.


If you are in physical danger yourself then you should not stay.
Please go see a lawyer and follow their instructions.
Can you get a family member to come and stay for a while?


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