# Need some ideas



## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

After being on this forum for a while and reading plenty of threads as well as a couple of book that have been mention numerous times. I decided that after the day I had yesterday (read my post; Bad day) I want to have a special evening with my wife tonight. I'm going to pick up a small bottle of her favorite wine and she informed me she'll pick something up for dinner on her way home from dropping our girls and their friends off after school. I was hoping some of you might give me a few ideas on how or what I can do to make the evening special. 
Over the past few years we have been almost in the roommate stage and quite frankly I was tired of it. I guess that's how I ended up here. Over the past few months I've been working on me and trying to cut back on work a little so I can spend more time with my girls and play a more active role in their lives. 
My wife has noticed the change and I have seen a change in her as well. Things are getting better and I just want to do a little something special to let her know she is and always will be the one I love. I don't want to do anything big and crazy. Just something to show her how social she is to me. 
If it helps, I'm 50 and my wife is 44.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Damn I hate that auto correct!!! 
The last part should read "how special she is to me"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What is something special you know about her, that you'd only know by paying attention to her or listening to her? A favorite author, a movie she's wanted to rent, a favorite color...

Women want to be heard, first and foremost. If you were to bring something with you that shows you listen and care, it would mean a LOT to her. My DD24 is dating this great guy; she's a psych grad student and she loves to read books about the mind and how it works. For her birthday, he bought her two books like that. Everyone else was like, wth kind of gift is THAT? But she was thrilled, because it meant that he really listened to what's important to her.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Well since you are coming out of the roomate stage, You may need to go with some very obvious classics that are used in our day and age. 

Flowers are a classic.
A card to go with them. Take some time and write out basically what you said above.
Don’t get sappy. 

Get some wine to go with dinner, set the table and use candles.
Even chinese take out is romantic with candles.

Talk about both of your days. Let her go first.
After dinner user the sexiest line ever devised by man “Dearest…I’ve got the dishes. You just go relax.”


Your’e welcome.

:smthumbup: 


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My H has prepared a slight meal, put it in the picnic basket with some wine and glasses and got a blanket, and taken me to the nearby pier at the lake for a sunset picnic. Very romantic. Another time, he booked couples massages at this place where afterward, we were given the run of the place for a couple hours, with the fireplace and wine and cheese and crackers and a pool and a hottub and music...he picked me up from work and took me straight there, had a bag packed with swimsuits and robes and stuff. Very cool.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I know she loves pink carnations and I have the wine covered. I was thinking of candles and some nice background music. I did get her roses two weeks ago and she almost cried because it's something I have rarely done (my bad). 
I was thinking of getting the carnations and then calling and telling her I'll pick up dinner but instead take her out for dinner. 
Thoughts?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I always unconsciously take care of the dishes. I hate messy kitchens.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> I always unconsciously take care of the dishes. I hate messy kitchens.


Its the line..not the act. 

Pink carnations are a greatidea!
Dinner is iffy because she may be in the mood to stay home or may have plans of her own. 
Best to compliment her dinner pick up with the trimmings.

Remember you dont want to shock with too much.

Have you looked into each of your love languages yet?
Thats a great way to learn each others"special" triggers.

BTW Kudos to you for taking the time to do this.
In our runaway society things like this sometimes get overlooked.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Thank you for the ideas. Unfortunately a picnic is out of the question. I have seen a few snowflakes where I live. The card is a great idea though. Maybe I can rearrange some furniture so we can lay in front of the fireplace? I will definitely get carnations. Would you suggest a dozen or a single flower? With her being a CPA, she kinda thinks flowers are a waste of money even though she loves the gesture that comes with them.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Love languages??? A book?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> Thank you for the ideas. Unfortunately a picnic is out of the question. I have seen a few snowflakes where I live. The card is a great idea though. Maybe I can rearrange some furniture so we can lay in front of the fireplace? I will definitely get carnations. Would you suggest a dozen or a single flower? With her being a CPA, she kinda thinks flowers are a waste of money even though she loves the gesture that comes with them.


Go for the dozen...Furniture and fireplace sounds terrific!

The goal is for her to feel special, like you stated in your firsat post. 
You've got this.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> Love languages??? A book?


Home | The 5 Love Languages®

Its a very simple quiz to identify the way you like to be loved.
Takes all of ten minutes.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Should I print it out so my wife and I can do it together?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> Should I print it out so my wife and I can do it together?


You can do that. 
Be aware that it can lead to great discussions and a lot of "Oh! Thats why you do that!"

The real secret to the test is to just go with the best answer and not overthink it.

My ex wife and I took it and found out that we were polar opposites. My current GF and I look like we cheated off each other, but it allows me to know that I am showing her love in the way she likes the best.

Best return on investment in the relationship game for my money.

I mean what could be better than pinpointing how your partner wants to be loved?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I just got back from the florist picked out some beautiful pink carnations. Stopped and picked up some wine. Now I have to search my collection for some soft background music. 
I took the afternoon off so I can get everything as perfect as possible. I have to try and get everything ready within an hour of when she leaves to drop off my youngest at gymnastics. 
Last night she hugged me and I got goose bumps. There must still be something special there
She'll probably start off by saying I should have fallen and hit my head a long time ago ( I told her how my day started yesterday). 
I'll update tomorrow. Gotta get ready for my date now


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> I just got back from the florist picked out some beautiful pink carnations. Stopped and picked up some wine. Now I have to search my collection for some soft background music.
> I took the afternoon off so I can get everything as perfect as possible. I have to try and get everything ready within an hour of when she leaves to drop off my youngest at gymnastics.
> Last night she hugged me and I got goose bumps. There must still be something special there
> She'll probably start off by saying I should have fallen and hit my head a long time ago ( I told her how my day started yesterday).
> I'll update tomorrow. Gotta get ready for my date now


You got this. Now go gettem Tiger...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SamuraiJack said:


> Home | The 5 Love Languages®
> 
> Its a very simple quiz to identify the way you like to be loved.
> Takes all of ten minutes.


Here is the book >>  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts 



















Here is something my husband does.. maybe some will feel this is too SAPPY.. but we like it that way..

If he hears a love song at work, on the way home, he will always tell me he was thinking of me.. . 

How about some Mint lotion...and you can give her a foot massage..


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Well, lastnight turned out great!!! My wife loved the carnations and the little hand written card. She came home to wine, candlelight and soft music playing in the background (she jokingly asked if my girlfriend was still here). I rearranged the furniture so we could lay by the fireplace and a gave her a back run with scented oil. Afterwards we did a little online Christmas shopping for our kids then moved to the bedroom. I tell you, with the kids out of the house I can sure last a lot longer before.... Well, you know. We went at it off and on for about 4 hours taking little cuddle breaks in between.
We decided to make sure to take advantage of alone time from now on and spend it more intimately. Apparently I still give her goose bumps as well. 
Thanks for chiming in with the ideas.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Having spent a lot of time in the divorce section, I have to say it's pretty dam great to hear good success stories.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I did that 2 weeks ago. I went out for a while and on the way home I picked up some roses for her. She asked me why I got flowers and I told her. Just because I love you and appreciate all you do for the family (plus the thought of getting some later didn't hurt either). Later she asked if I wanted to fool around and I did the unthinkable.... I declined saying I'd rather just cuddle and chat on the couch while watching a movie.
My parents came over the next day and my mother asked where she got the flowers. My wife told I got them for her. The first thing my mother asked is "what did he do this time"? My wife just laughed and said he didn't do anything, "he bought them just because he loves me". She was right again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

OMG, if my H would do that - not want sex in return - it would mean the WORLD to me.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

It must be the "nice guy" still left in me. I don't mind though. Our sex life is getting much better, so if I miss one now and then but can still sit and give her a back rub. I'm still having a physical connection with her. The one thing being "roommates" doesn't provide. I spent most of today working on a kitchen job and she's been cleaning the carpets. I told her I'll give her a back rub later. She gave me a Nauru smile and said she'd give me a rub too, just not my back


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