# Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh...womin!!!!



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Last weekend she tells me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, wants to make things right with me...Wednesday, she is back to "I won't decide until this summer what will happen..."

I've done everything I can to make things right...and I'm tired of waiting on her...I'm tired of living in limbo, tired of her saying how much she misses the 16 year old living with me while she caters to our daughter living with her...

I will work on getting back together still...but now, I'm shutting up and it's going to be on my terms...she wants me, she has to work on getting me back rather than the other way around!!!


----------



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

I hear you on the "control thing" and I love your analogies. I think "love means never having to control." HAHA. I am hurting and angry because I am OUT OF CONTROL. I gave it up for about a week, and felt wonderful. Slipped BIG TIME today and am paying for it. You should not have to live "in limbo" until she decides to (or not to) come around. We women are funny like that! LOL Wishing washy and "change with the wind." There have been many times I've gotten on my OWN nerves! HAHA. Just back off a whole bunch, and lessen your contact with her. BTW, if you don't mind me asking, who "put a kink in the marriage" in the first place. That will have a huge impact on the responses you get today. As I said, "Back off, be a bit "unattainable" and appear happy and independent, and she'll come around. The best of luck to you


----------



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

"Wishy Washy" not "Wishing Washing." OOPS!


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'm a recovering alcoholic...spent more time with my beer than her...she left 6 months ago and I've been stone cold sober...she never expected me to change...so now, she is forced to change...she is forced to accept her short comings, and is less willing to do this...


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Try to be patient if she did not believe you would ever change then it difficult for her to believe that this resolve will last. I think changing you approach and attitude my help. You have to convience her that you are in command and you can finally handle your own business in a responsible way. 

Pointing out her defects will not advance your case and may indicate that you not are ready for reconciliation. The changes start with you and her changes are up to her. If you think that her current mindset will be a problem then maybe you should not consider getting back together. She will not change until she want to not because you want her to do so. 

If your behavior hints in any way that you are not in control of yourself, it may make her feel doubtful about your stability she is unlikely to want to come back. Instead of waiting on her be proactive about doing things to improve yourself and share your efforts with her. That may give her space and time to become attracted to you enough to want to come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@DjF~Very interesting. So you were cheating on her with your beer! LOL. I am not making fun or light of it. It's a real thing and I am so proud and happy for you! Very interesting that she is left now to look at herself. I bet she became quite comfortable with the "I may be this, but you're still an alcoholic" scenario, huh? I bet she spent a lot of time blaming you, but in her defense, dealing with and living with an alcoholic is tough, rough, stuff. I agree with Catherine 602. She may not truly "believe" this is a true change and that you mean it this time. Also, she is dealing with a "new guy." She may feel quite estranged from you at this point..........Like she is living with someone whom she does not know, but more importantly whom she does not trust. Keep living right. Bet she'll come around. Good luck to you and yours. Be strong, stay sober, and don't give up on love


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Dan ..it seems like she really wants to be with you but than is not really sure that you will commit to being sober...she wants to make sure you will stick to it. Ask her if that is what bothers her ?!Reassure her ,tell her you're committed to being sober and that'll not change.....
You can do it,it'll be worth it at thew end...don't give up on her now...


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Yea, I know it's going to take time...but I am just done with this yo-yo game of hers...


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

She's been gone for 6 months...and I still can't get a decent night's sleep...it's 4;30 on a Sunday morning, and I am wide awake...

Went up and watched the 16 yeal old sleep...I was in bed when he came home from a friends last night, peaked his head in my room, told me he was home (a must he must do)...told me that he had a good visit, and that he loved me! he is my rock through all of this...watching him sleep reminds me when we first moved out to this place, built it from scratch in the middle of a pasture...he was only 4...now he is 16 and moving past 6'4"...

just rambling, feeling lost....lonely...always tired...think I'll go out and look at the stars!


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Hang in there, this is just a bump in the road - they have been further apart right.

And I think like you said, for a long time she could throw all the blame on you. NOw you have changed, and she has to as well, thats not easy!


----------

