# He sounds a little suprised



## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Every year I have a christmas party for my immidiate family, Well because husband left dont mean I wasnt gonna have it again, yesterday when dropping my son off stbx walks in and the first thing he says to me is your having a party(son must have told him as he is so excited) I said yes, stbx says for what, I said christmas party he says your family christmas party and he looked all suprised that i would still be having it. I guess he thinks I should be all depressed because he isnt here and I shouldnt be happy.

He should know I never stopped doing the things I used to, so this wasnt gonna stop either. I mean when he left I took my son to disney. I know he isnt happy, his brother told me that just the other day. but I told his brother this was his choice and i wont lay down and die because of it. I dont have time or energy to be depressed, his brother had also told me I guess his parents are concerned about stbx because he looks terrible, and his brother told them it was his choice he needs to deal with it. hes 45 yrs old and needs to start rebuilding his life. I guesss they blame me, good thing the brother sticks up for me.


So I am having my big party today. I am so excited. It might be a little sad not having him here this yr but I wont dwell on it. it was so funny yesterday, my stbx has lost so much weight he now has a girls body, its sad, but i think he has no control of anything anymore so his control is his weight now, he thinks people say wow you lost alot of weight, think he takes it as a compliment, its not, my bil said he looks like he has cancer, his bother said the same, anyway son said to me yesterday, mommy hug daddy, I walked by him and said no honey I cant i will break him. I really think stbx was waiting for a hug. sure hope he gets help with his obsession with his weight, I am a little concerned as he is ver forgetful now and i know weight lose makes you forget things, I wouldnt want my son in any danger with him. he already forgot to buckle him in his car seat once, good thing my son talks.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Good for you! Admirable that you are getting through this so well and that you will not allow his bad choices to get in the way of your holiday. Life is short and you and your son should have good holidays every year you're lucky enough to be here and together.


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## photojane (Dec 4, 2010)

Great for you! I wish I had your strength to continue on in these ways. I dont have children. I am struggling with living everyday moments alone. You should be very proud of yourself.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Photojane, I think having a child is totally different in the case of divorce, we with children have no time to be down and depressed. I have to show my son that our life will not change, I will always be here for him. I am to old for that chasing ****, been there done that when I was in my 20s. And I feel like arguing about petty **** is way to exausting. I keep real busy with a 6 year old son, he never stops so he keeps me going. I thank god for him everyday. I bet it would be different if I didnt have him. he gives me strength. I get down sometimes but he ends up saying something or doing something that brings me back around. I never let him see me sad. 


We had a wonderful party today. All the kids got great gifts, I had my brothers make a big deal with my son when he opened his gifts cause he did say this morning he wished daddy could come, he got over that as soon as his cousins got here. and my 3 brothers are great with him so they did make a big deal and played with his toys with him. I have a great family.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

that sounds awesome...its the holidays, either you can mope and cry...or you can pick your self up by the boot straps and live your life. 

let him be suprised..you know the anthum "I WILL SURVIVE"
stay stonge you are lucky to have good fam to reliy on.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Would you want him back, bellringer ???

Sorry, I don't know your whole story....


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Daleand alex, I used to think many months ago I did want him back, but really he hasnt changed a bit, I talk to his brother as we are still in contact because he is selling the house for us(hes a realtor) I had a discussion with him last week and he agreed my stbx has issues from his own parents divorce he needs to resolve, my stbx was very controlling his family knows that because they have a hard time with him also. I couldnt take him back, to much time has passed and I am happy alone. 


He left me last january, just a phone call saying he wanted a divorce he wasnt happy, but he said he was still in love with me. I found out a couple months later he was in target and met up with his "friend" and she tried to kiss him but he pushed her away, that came from my son. It didnt bother me as much as I thought it would, I guess i prepared myself for it because not many leave a marriage because the spouse dont rinse out the shower,(we went to mc a few months before and he said I dont rinse out the shower) I said really thats all you got. lol, so I was prepared I guess.


He has done alot to show me he isnt the guy I thought he was, it took him a few months to file, he was hidding money, got his father all involved it has become a big mess, it is all about money with him. and thats more important than his family. he has dragged his feet through the whole thing. Like I said to everyone, I just want what I have coming to me child support and alimony and half of the house, and he can move on, I never asked him once to come back, if he wanted to be here he wouldnt have left in the first place. 


my son said 2 weeks into this last yr, mommy you havent cooked a nice dinner in a long time, that was it for me, that night we were at the market and I havent looked back since. The summer was great, we traveled to all kinds of places, disney, amusement parks beaches. we were never home, to the point he was *****ing to the lawyers that I was spending to much money on amusement, until my lawyer said to him then we will put drew in summer camp and you can pay 300 a week for that, then stbx said oh no they can go to amusement parks, yeah changed his tune then, my son was used to all that stuff in the summer and I wasnt about to change it. 



because stbx seen his parents divorce and his mother was a basket case for a couple yrs I guess he thought I would be like her, sitting around pinning over him, chasing him like his mom did to his dad. the kids his siblings seen it and all of them are a little messed up, that wasnt gonna be the case with my son. there all so selfcentered(learn by example). I figured I cant stress over things I cant change, and yes I will and am Surviving!!


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## Belle703 (Nov 14, 2010)

Bellringer, 
Thanks for your words...they were so uplifting for me. You have made some good points for me to follow too.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Good for you Bellringer! I like your name BTW - reminds me of Salvation Army this time of year!

God Bless and yes you're doing a fine job with your son!


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Your welcome belle, you know what I always say, you cant stress over the things you cant change, And as for the gf, I have no problem with him having one, he was obviously not happy, going through whatever he was and is going through and if it wasnt this girl it would be someone else, I cant stop it. 

Last night while cooking dinner my son said mom john lives with his dad and ireland lives with her mom, there divorced like you and dad, I said to myself oh boy, mabey some questions for me to answer, he knows as I told him he can come to me for anything he needs answered, so I said yes there are many parents that dont live together, I said remember your elmo when you were little that you loved so much, and played with him all the time, and now you dont, well thats kinda how couples are, its like the toy you played with all the time and then you just grow out of it, he said but I still like my elmo, I said yeah me and daddy still like eash other to its just that we grew out of each other, but some people never grow out of each other, its like nick(his cousin) with his mickey mouse he never goes out without that he probably will never grow out of him and some people never grow out of things and keep them forever, but you are like daddys kiss and car collection, and mommys snowbaby collection, we will love you forever, as the collection gets older you love that more than ever, he actually got that, because he said im like your earrings you will love me and keep me forever. I said yes. ugg, the questions are so tough. but we make it through. At least one parent is there stength, and I am glad its me. I am here to protect him.


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