# How did you know?



## Herbie:) (Nov 16, 2015)

How did you know it was time to give up?

I'm in this ****ty situation (just tried to type it, but it was soooooo long!!)

Pretty much - no sexual/intimate relationship (he claims its because of stress, and I see no indication of cheating)

We have not slept in the same bed since our 4 month old was born - however I do sleep with the baby. (At first I felt lonely, but now I feel content and do not miss him) NOTE: I would make space for husband if I felt it would help.

He has started to become nasty. He complains about everything.

He complained about the mess in the house.
I tried to clean and maintain a spotless house (with 4 young children) and succeeded. I maintained a perfectly clean house on my own. With no thanks and absolutely no reduction in his stress.

I have no reverted to cleaning again, but enjoying the house. Not spending every waking moment cleaning. I am playing with the kids and going out again.

He has started making rude comment and we argue a lot.

He says the most rediculous things I've heard. Such as, he (with depression and bad circumstances with an ex-employer) withdrew from his friends and now has what I would call none. I have a healthy friendship life (all females mind you)... He made a comment about how I got jealous of him back at the start of our relationship. Pretty much the story he was referring to was when I called him and he pretty much said "I don't have time to talk to you, stop being a *****" (when he was working late and hadn't let me know, so I called to check on him. I had been pleasant, so the name calling was not even needed) later that day I found out he had put a code on his phone and changed his email passwords. When I questioned and gained access he had been messaging another women and helping her through her divorce. T top it off the next day she sent dirty photos to him. So he didn't have time for me, but had time for her.

Anyway, I hadn't mentioned this in years. He started telling me how I couldn't talk with my friends (I believe it was jealousy of him now having none). Then he mentioned me being jealous of this other girl. I said how this was different. These were my friends and he knew that. He asked "how do I know your not cheating on me"....


I seriously have to believe even he heard how stupid that was.

Then I today opened mail addressed to him. We always open whoevers mail. It is of no importance to us who is sending mail. Sometimes I get snippy if he opening a parcel of something I've been waiting for. But only because he does it so slowly and has a full check out of the items before me. Not because he opened it. But because it's for me and o really wanted whatever it was.

Today I opened this letter and it was a gift voucher for me. For our anniversary. I knew when I opened it what it was and felt so bad. But ihad no idea it was coming or that I wasn't to open it.

He went off, told me to cancel it. Told me I wrecked our anniversary surprise. That if he ever does anything again he will just tell me it's coming. He Got so mad over it.

I'm just getting over it. I'm at a point where if we aren't fighting, it's only because I'm not commenting. He sometimes even fights due to my lack of comment.

I have been feeling a lot of disconnect. Feeling a lot of blank. Like that I don't need to fight. I just don't have the feeling.

The only reasons I am with him at this point. In all honesty,

Is the fact we have children and I don't want reduced time with them.

And

Jealousy. If he moved on and enjoyed another person. That he couldn't even be sexual with me. But could move on and be happy and nice with someone else.

We recently spoke about how I felt. It was more of a game. (On a long drive - based on a board game). At first it started with people we knew, but when I realised one person was going to be his ex, I asked questions like 'did you treat this person better then me' 'did you do more fun things with this person then me.'

I like to think it opened his eyes as much as it opened mine when he said 'yes'.

We are supposed to me married forever.

Really, I don't think I even had to post here. I'm just feeling lonely.

I'm unhappy together, but I love him. I'd be jealous if he was with someone else, but feel like I would be fine if I moved on.

Kind of like I wanted it so bad to work out. It hurts that I feel like if he was with someone else these issues wouldn't happen. But that he can't fix them between us. So if he moved on they would have a great sex life and happiness. But that I have no chance of that.... And what if I never find someone else and he does and I don't have my children all the time.

Sorry about the bad structure of my post. I'm holding my baby and typing on a phone. Also trying to remember what I posted in this and what was in the past post.

Anyway,
Herbie..


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