# Long Story - Support Needed



## ScorpioGirl (Nov 15, 2009)

Wow. I cannot believe I'm writing about this and that I've gotten to where I've gotten in life. I've been married a little over 5 years and been with my husband for almost 10 years now. When I met him, I'd been dating alot of different guys and when he came along he was a good guy. He had a fun job and we had a good time together doing different things related to his job in media. 

He understood that I'm a very sexual person. I would say a well above average kind of girl being happy having sex a few times a week. I also have never been attracted to him physically but I liked the stability of him and that he is a good guy. A good friend. I suppose I thought that would be enough. 

Things changed when he lost his job, I suppose. He has since been working in a job that is only a few days a week and even then, it's not a full shift. He has no desire to do things around the house much at all despite him being home so much. I work about 60 hours a week and 6 days a week right now, but still if something is done, I do it or it goes undone. He will occasionally do a few things but I almost always have to ask.

The sex situation is this...we haven't had sex in well over a year. When it did happen last, it had been well over a year before that and I initiated it. I always initiated it. The last time, I told him that I wasn't going to bring up sex again and he could bring it up. Honestly, it makes me feel like I'm not attractive or desirable when he seems to have no interest at all in sex. I brought it up again last week, only this time not to have it, but to tell him I was very angry and hurt that nothing had changed. He brought up that he might have a health problem. Well, I'm not sure about that - he could. But still, if he really cared about me couldn't he do something else to take care of my needs? 

Then, there are some other issues. I'm incredibly bored with our life. We have no children, no pets or anything like that. We do very little. He only watches movies, television and plays on the computer. I have tried and tried to work on this relationship and see no change at all with him. I told him I'd like meaningful conversations, intimacy (even kisses are just a peck when they happen and even that has been weeks!), more sex and him occasionally saying something nice about me rather than always making jokes.

I actually already feel like I've lost the love we had. I care about him but the love is gone. I feel completely done with this and I'm not really sure what I'm asking for by writing all this out. I guess I need to know that I shouldn't blame myself for the problems when I've tried to work on them. I guess I need to know that I'm not alone. I guess I need to know that it's ok to say this relationship is over. Just confirmation of what I already feel in my heart. I'm just so sad over all this. He is a good person but I don't feel like he's capable of the love I need and crave in life. I'm so unhappy that I feel dead inside. 

Thank you in advance for any help, direction, advice, support, etc. I know I can really use it right now.


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## danl (Nov 14, 2009)

Talk to him, and I mean really talk, make sure he listens and understands before things fall apart like they are for me. U might still be savable.

Oh how I wish my wife had come to me a year ago with this before she fell completly out of love with me, maybe we would have been able to save it


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## danl (Nov 14, 2009)

Talk to him, and I mean really talk, make sure he listens and understands before things fall apart like they are for me. U might still be savable.

Oh how I wish my wife had come to me a year ago with this before she fell completly out of love with me, maybe we would have been able to save it


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## ScorpioGirl (Nov 15, 2009)

Hi Danl,

Thank you for your response. I wish I could say I have yet to try that. I've talked so much about all of the things that are issues. I've tried different approaches - being nice, being hurt, being angry, etc. I tried talking to him upon specific instances of things he did or didn't do. I tried talking to him all at one time with all the issues. I've cried. I've told him I thought I might be better off alone. I've told him I feel more like he's a friend or relative than a husband. I've told him how bad he makes me feel about myself.

His response? Nothing - he was very unresponsive. Just standing there looking blank. There have been no changes. This has gone on for well over a year. 

I honestly have no more fight left for our relationship. I hate it, too. It's not a good place to be at all. I feel like a failure and I feel like all these years with him have found me just going through the motions and drifting along. 

I really wish I could talk to him the way you are describing and it get through to him. With your situation, I am very sorry. You sound like a wonderful guy who truly cares about your wife. I wish you the very, very best in your journey, too.


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## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

OMG! I'm in the same relationship almost except my hubby still show affection like kisses and cuddles but he has lost his sex drive. I am like you love sex need it more then once a week and my hubby is like yours except I get sex more then once a year as in once a week and thats just not enough in my option. I probably have it a bit better but I still dont agree what if my hubby turns out like yours it seems my hubby has decreased his desire over the years I'm just hoping it doesnt get as bad as your sex life.
Move on he is diffently not interested in sex and if your not attracted to him I dont see why stay with someone who doesnt turn you on with me my hubby turns me on still but if yours does not why! bother to stay in a bad marriage with someone who doesnt turn you on.


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## ScorpioGirl (Nov 15, 2009)

Hi Raemay38,

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through a similar situation in your life. This situation hasn't changed at all for me since I posted that, not that I expected it to. So my plans are to leave after the holidays in January at some point when I get financially stable enough to do it. I'm scared and I'm sad. But I know things aren't going to change here and I can't continue to live like I'm dying. That's how I'm feeling. Now everything seems to be an argument and I can't wait until this is all behind me. To be on my own in a small apartment can't come fast enough.

I do so hope your situation does not become like mine. It is indeed a lonely existance. You still have so much hope in yours, it seems. Especially since you still have attraction from him and you are still intimate. My hope for you is that it all works out. Thinking of divorce is very difficult but I know it's right in my situation. Maybe it won't be right in yours.

Thank you for sharing - that really helped me alot. You just have no idea.


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