# Haven't seen this issue discussed on forum....



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

I'd like to thank you for reading AND responding if you are able. Has anyone had the problem of your parents giving you hell about the separation /divorce? I am an almost 50 year old woman and my father is giving me HELL and being very abusive to me. He was abusive verbally raising me, but I always just went along with it and loved him as I just felt he didn't know better. He's a MAJOR control freak and this is embarrassing to him! He has tried to ignore this and has continued to coax me into reconciliation even though I suffered physical, and financial abuse by this man as well as affairs, and years of compulsive lying. PLUS, my husband does not have any desire to reconcile. My father told me via phone the other night that even though I did not "feel it" he wanted me to know he was here for me, and "had my back." He asked me VERY detailed questions about the divorce, my finances, etc., and I hung up FINALLY feeling that I had his love and support after 6 months of not. Went by their home for a scheduled visit and dinner with he and my mom the other night after a conference with my attorney, and he was a different man! They ARE paying my legal fees and I expressed that I feared the divorce would go contested if I could not talk my husband into settling. He was cold, told me I did not need an attorney, told me "This was the worst thing that has ever happened to our family," said he was so embarrassed when I got "knocked up" 22 years ago, and that basically I was a failure in life, and asked if it was any wonder my husband left me." (I kicked my husband out!)We had more "words" and I told him after all these years, I am not putting up with his **** any longer!" They are people of means, but he DOES NOT want to help me financially as he has a set plan for what he wants to leave us at his death. I have worked full time since I was very young, and even worked while in college. I've stayed married for 22 years and did a helluva job raising two great kids. Advice please? This is heartbreaking


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Kcrat said:


> I'd like to thank you for reading AND responding if you are able. Has anyone had the problem of your parents giving you hell about the separation /divorce? I am an almost 50 year old woman and my father is giving me HELL and being very abusive to me. He was abusive verbally raising me, but I always just went along with it and loved him as I just felt he didn't know better. He's a MAJOR control freak and this is embarrassing to him! He has tried to ignore this and has continued to coax me into reconciliation even though I suffered physical, and financial abuse by this man as well as affairs, and years of compulsive lying. PLUS, my husband does not have any desire to reconcile. My father told me via phone the other night that even though I did not "feel it" he wanted me to know he was here for me, and "had my back." He asked me VERY detailed questions about the divorce, my finances, etc., and I hung up FINALLY feeling that I had his love and support after 6 months of not. Went by their home for a scheduled visit and dinner with he and my mom the other night after a conference with my attorney, and he was a different man! They ARE paying my legal fees and I expressed that I feared the divorce would go contested if I could not talk my husband into settling. He was cold, told me I did not need an attorney, told me "This was the worst thing that has ever happened to our family," said he was so embarrassed when I got "knocked up" 22 years ago, and that basically I was a failure in life, and asked if it was any wonder my husband left me." (I kicked my husband out!)We had more "words" and I told him after all these years, I am not putting up with his **** any longer!" They are people of means, but he DOES NOT want to help me financially as he has a set plan for what he wants to leave us at his death. I have worked full time since I was very young, and even worked while in college. I've stayed married for 22 years and did a helluva job raising two great kids. Advice please? This is heartbreaking


I'm lost. Is he supportive then changes his mind? Is he paying legal fees or did he back out? My dad died before my divorce - but he wwould have been there for me and meant it. Like every day not depending on his mood for the day.
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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@golfergirl~ Yes, actually my mom is paying fees out of her inheritance and my dad knows. Yes, he seemed supportive the other day and was loving and caring, and the other night it was a complete 360, but the "Non caring, non supportive " dad has been the norm through this. He's devastated, but IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM! UGH......


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Kcrat said:


> @golfergirl~ Yes, actually my mom is paying fees out of her inheritance and my dad knows. Yes, he seemed supportive the other day and was loving and caring, and the other night it was a complete 360, but the "Non caring, non supportive " dad has been the norm through this. He's devastated, but IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM! UGH......


Not to sound cold, but at least fees are covered. surround yourself with support. Can you spend aone time with your mom without your dad? You can't fix stupid!
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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@golfergirl~ I LIKE YOU! lol Yes, them covering fees is a gift! I have fantastic support with friends, but unfortunately I wish I could look to my one and only dad for support, but it is what it is. My mom is "on board" and has said any financial help (if needed) will come from her. She is great, but unfortunately has to live with this man, and hates the way he is. YES, I can spend time with her alone, and of course when I can, I'll resume our weekly phone chats. And no, "You can't fix STUPID." ..............or shallow and self absorbed............


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Kcrat said:


> @golfergirl~ I LIKE YOU! lol Yes, them covering fees is a gift! I have fantastic support with friends, but unfortunately I wish I could look to my one and only dad for support, but it is what it is. My mom is "on board" and has said any financial help (if needed) will come from her. She is great, but unfortunately has to live with this man, and hates the way he is. YES, I can spend time with her alone, and of course when I can, I'll resume our weekly phone chats. And no, "You can't fix STUPID." ..............or shallow and self absorbed............


Hey I paid a divorce with help from my mom. It was nice to not have to worry about that! Hold the conversation from the phone as the reality and ignore the rest. He said the words once and keep that close.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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