# Quantity vs Quality



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

I am 45 by husband is 37

I _used_ to have a high sex drive....
I'm wondering if my body is started to go through early menapause or is it that my husband wants sex every....single....day *AND* night that it's gotten old or something.

I'm wondering if he needs it or if he loves me and is wanting to be as close as he can to me.

I'll be honest, I feel like a piece of meat sometimes.
I rarely deny him, cause I KNOW what that feels like!

I just don't feel like I have a chance to "want" him like I did in the beginning.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I don't know how menopause affects libido and all that, but my wife and I will find out soon enough (her 40, me 39).

To me, twice/day would be awesome. For my wife, it wouldn't fly. We basically have sex every other day. I don't know much about your past, but did you used to crave sex daily or multiple times/day in the past? Or is it that your husband had a lower sex drive, which drove you nuts, his drive went up and now you are having too much. What I'm getting at is whether it was really you that change or was it him?

Questions about your H. Did he recently kick a porn habit? Got into a fitness program where he lost weight? Started weight training recently, is taking testosterone, or is there any recent change that upped his drive?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I don't know how menopause affects libido and all that, but my wife and I will find out soon enough (her 40, me 39).
> 
> To me, twice/day would be awesome. For my wife, it wouldn't fly. We basically have sex every other day. I don't know much about your past, but did you used to crave sex daily or multiple times/day in the past? Or is it that your husband had a lower sex drive, which drove you nuts, his drive went up and now you are having too much. What I'm getting at is whether it was really you that change or was it him?
> 
> Questions about your H. Did he recently kick a porn habit? Got into a fitness program where he lost weight? Started weight training recently, is taking testosterone, or is there any recent change that upped his drive?


With my 1st husband, he had low "T" from doing steriods while weightlifting/competing. One year, we had sex FOUR times!
I've always had a high sex drive - always - until now it seems.

My H hasn't changed since day 1 - he tells me I am sexy as hell and he can't help himself and loves me and that's the closest he can get to me.

That's why I asked the question about does he love me that much. I thought it was women who put love with sex and not the other way around....don't get me wrong, I hope you get what I mean.

He has said a few times that I haven't made the first move or I don't seem to want him like he does me....but how can I when he's ALL over me?

One more thing, the other night, I didn't feel really good.
He said, "I'll let you slide tonight since you don't feel well, but you owe me"
That struck me as odd......THEN when we laid down, he rolled over and kissed me and asked, "Do you want to make love to me?"
What am I supposed to say? I don't want to hurt him.
I shouldn't have said "no", but with my past - I remember those feelings of rejection.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We're in our 50s and down to about once a day now, after 14 years. I'd still like twice a day, but it's not realistic to expect that (and we still do a couple of times a week, it seems) and I know I'm damn lucky anyway!

Seriously, you should just talk to him about how you feel and that your drive is slowing down. Trying to keep up at a twice a day level could even kill it a bit - as you say, it's beginning to feel more like a burden than a joy, and that should never be the case. Maybe suggest once a day and twice or more on days off?

And of course you CAN have both quantity and quality, but much of the time it will be average, and some of the time it will be marvelous. That's normal, I think, and I'd rather have things that way than drop to far fewer times that are "great" - they're not likely to be great enough to make up for a lack the rest of the time.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> We're in our 50s and down to about once a day now, after 14 years. I'd still like twice a day, but it's not realistic to expect that (and we still do a couple of times a week, it seems) and I know I'm damn lucky anyway!
> 
> Seriously, you should just talk to him about how you feel and that your drive is slowing down. Trying to keep up at a twice a day level could even kill it a bit - as you say, it's beginning to feel more like a burden than a joy, and that should never be the case. Maybe suggest once a day and twice or more on days off?
> 
> And of course you CAN have both quantity and quality, but much of the time it will be average, and some of the time it will be marvelous. That's normal, I think, and I'd rather have things that way than drop to far fewer times that are "great" - they're not likely to be great enough to make up for a lack the rest of the time.


What hasen't helped is the fact that we've been fighting.
We will be married a year Aug. 12th. And unlike my 1st marriage, the 1st year has been a challenge like I've heard.

Part of it is, when I'm unhappy or stressed - I am NOT in the mood. And it feels like I've gone from loving w/my emotions to loving as a chore. Ugh, I hate saying that, because that isn't how I am or want to be.

My drive has definately taken a plunge, I'm hoping it picks back up since we've straightened some things out.

I'll be honest, I dread going to bed.
Sometimes I just want him to hold me until I fall asleep.

That's what I did last night, and I woke up @2 am with him trying to mess with me and I gave in this morning @4.

He's in the mood 24/7 365!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

A healthy relationship needs both quality and quantity. 
Had this talk with my wife a few nights ago. We've been going through a hard patch. She had an EA last Sept. I had replaced her with porn for the prior three or four years. Then it all came crashing down. All that noise is done since I decided not to leave in Dec 13 when she asked me to stay. But now no sex in two months !!! 
Not going to work. I told her id give her time to sort things out. But not another three years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sex and your drive isn't the issue here. It's the other problems and fighting that are creating distance. Perhaps you should address those somehow, or explain them here and ask for advice, because anything we say about sex is basically useless until the other issues are under repair.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

I see your point....I'm sure he can sense I'm going thru the motions.
Not sure how to get that desire back!!

Having been on both sides of this - I will say that too much is better than not enough or none for that matter!

I've always said a relationship need intimacy and it will go down hill really fast if you don't handle it. 

Alot of feelings of resentment and bitterness settle in.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> Sex and your drive isn't the issue here. It's the other problems and fighting that are creating distance. Perhaps you should address those somehow, or explain them here and ask for advice, because anything we say about sex is basically useless until the other issues are under repair.


I had been feeling this way before the fighting actually.
It's just amplified it here lately.

We're trying to work thru our issues.....

1. Ex wife is a bi-polar-narcissistic-parent alienator who has caused A LOT of drama
2. Mixing families
3. His controlling ways
4. My need for independance
5. My shutting down when we talk
6. Jealousy 
7. His controlling ways (I realize I've listed this twice) lol


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> *We're in our 50s and down to about once a day now*, after 14 years. I'd still like twice a day, but it's not realistic to expect that (and we still do a .



You sir I salute once a day is still pretty dame good!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I adjusted to fit DH's natural drive instead of trying to force him to keep up with mine. If you're not going completely sexless I don't see why the higher drive person can't compromise with the lower drive person. 

This only works for people who want sex and like sex but can't keep their desire hot for every day sex. 

Having it every other day causes less issues,makes him feel less pressure to perform,and helps us focus on the emotional aspect of our connection more so he isn't left feeling like my personal sex toy all the time.

Maybe your partner is open to discussing shifting the sex a bit. Every other day or every 2 days he gets sex.In between the sex the two of you agree to have lots of affection and flirting in order to build the sexual tension. He needs to understand no one wants to feel like a piece of meat.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Also,at some point it might be beneficial for you to start looking at sex as your stress reliever. It might take a bit to shift your focus but it does work. Sex with someone who loves you deeply is the best stress reliever after a day filled with aggravation but only if you allow it to relieve your stress and let your thoughts go away.


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## KeepingUpAppearances (Jul 14, 2013)

I am 45 and will be 46 in a few months. I consider myself very high drive. We been together 23 years married almost 17. We started the marriage with a lot of emotional baggage which affected our sex life.

I don't know anything about the menopause, I do know that stress arguing and feeling like a piece of meat can definitely kill your drive. My husband's drive kicked into "married" over drive in his mid to late 30's. I had small children and didn't feel appreciated in the relationship, major turn off. Then when he approached me it made me angrier. We were both high drive and the communication issues made me reject him sometimes because he wasn't trying to understand my side. He felt unappreciated on his side being rejected by me. ( found this out 10 years later).

Over the past year we started working on our relationship by having a date night so we can have fun or work on issues we have in our relationship. My sex drive is now the one that's over the top and he works to keep up with me. 

The communication maybe key in your case. I remember feeling like the only time my husband gave me his full attention was when he wanted to have sex and that wasn't a good feeling. Surprisingly he thought he was giving me both emotional and physical by showing he was still attracted to me sexually.

You guys need to talk and figure out what will work for both your needs or it can fester into something worse. Good luck


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I adjusted to fit DH's natural drive instead of trying to force him to keep up with mine. If you're not going completely sexless I don't see why the higher drive person can't compromise with the lower drive person.
> 
> This only works for people who want sex and like sex but can't keep their desire hot for every day sex.
> 
> ...


That's great advice!
I've told him before that you can show love and affection other ways....we were talking about this one time and I kept saying "sex" and he got SO MAD! He said that it isn't just "sex" for him, it's making love. So while I need to tell him I don't want to feel like a piece of meat, I also don't want to hurt his feelings. He's sensitive about rejection.

And on your other post about it being a stress reliever...
Hopefully now that we're working on those problems, I can actually use it in that way - I'll be honest, my mind wonders and I get in my own way!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

JustAGirl said:


> I've always said a relationship need intimacy and it will go down hill really fast if you don't handle it.
> 
> Alot of feelings of resentment and bitterness settle in.


I completely agree with this. However, you are already beginning to feel resentment from your side of things, so you must address the real problems with him before the relationship as a whole suffers. If he wants to maintain this level of intimacy, he's going to have to work on things with you, and you can tell him truthfully that not doing so will kill your desire and reduce your sexual frequency to a level he won't like.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

JustAGirl said:


> That's great advice!
> I've told him before that you can show love and affection other ways....we were talking about this one time and I kept saying "sex" and he got SO MAD! He said that it isn't just "sex" for him, it's making love. So while I need to tell him I don't want to feel like a piece of meat, I also don't want to hurt his feelings. He's sensitive about rejection.
> 
> And on your other post about it being a stress reliever...
> Hopefully now that we're working on those problems, I can actually use it in that way - I'll be honest, my mind wonders and I get in my own way!


Mine does too even though I'm the higher drive one It happens 

Do you think he'd be happy with a day or two of foreplay type interactions then really AMAZING sex the following day or following two days? Or maybe make one day primarily about his orgasm (without sex) and then make the next day primarily about your orgasm (without sex) THEN come together for sex after that?


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

KeepingUpAppearances said:


> I am 45 and will be 46 in a few months. I consider myself very high drive. We been together 23 years married almost 17. We started the marriage with a lot of emotional baggage which affected our sex life.
> 
> I don't know anything about the menopause, I do know that stress arguing and feeling like a piece of meat can definitely kill your drive. My husband's drive kicked into "married" over drive in his mid to late 30's. I had small children and didn't feel appreciated in the relationship, major turn off. Then when he approached me it made me angrier. We were both high drive and the communication issues made me reject him sometimes because he wasn't trying to understand my side. He felt unappreciated on his side being rejected by me. ( found this out 10 years later).
> 
> ...


I don't want it to fester - and that's why we've been fighting.
I'm talking and communicating a lot more, and he's very opinionated!

Most of our fights (in my mind) have been over my son.
I think he's jealous of him. But I have told him that I'm his parent and I make the decisions for him - period.

He pays me attention other times - but right now, while all this is still raw (and he's going to have to _show_ me change instead of _taking_ about it) even his ass grabbing, or sexaul innuendos irritate me.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

JustAGirl said:


> He pays me attention other times - but right now, while all this is still raw (and he's going to have to _show_ me change instead of _taking_ about it) even his ass grabbing, or sexaul innuendos irritate me.


Sounds like you're in the place I was with my ex husband. Not getting enough non sexual attention and love REALLY made me want to rip his face off when he'd pull the drive by nipple tweak or ass grab.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

You have mentioned his controlling ways a couple of times. Is having sex with you every day another way to control you? That's what I would be thinking if I was in your shoes.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> I completely agree with this. However, you are already beginning to feel resentment from your side of things, so you must address the real problems with him before the relationship as a whole suffers. If he wants to maintain this level of intimacy, he's going to have to work on things with you, and you can tell him truthfully that not doing so will kill your desire and reduce your sexual frequency to a level he won't like.


[/QUOTE]
However, you are already beginning to feel resentment from your side of things, [/QUOTE]

Damn, I guess I am!!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Happilymarried25 said:


> You have mentioned his controlling ways a couple of times. Is having sex with you every day another way to control you? That's what I would be thinking if I was in your shoes.


That is a major possibility!!

Over the past week, we've talked about all of our issues.
It was quite the week - but I did mention to him that (thinking it was totally different - but your saying it this way has me thinking) that I didn't like how on the weekends, I felt like he would get upset if I got out of bed before making love to him. Sometimes, I wake up earlier and will leave him asleep and make coffee, step out on the porch and relax. His getting upset that I get out of bed before making love to him IS a form of control!!
DAMN! What am I? BLIND??


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

If you would turn him down when he wants sex and say you are tired or had a headache would he get mad or upset? It sounds like you feel obligated to have sex with him when sometimes you don't want to. The fact that he gets upset with you if you get out of bed before having sex with him would be a turn off for me. That would get me out of the mood, especially with all of the other things going on that you listed.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

intheory said:


> justagirl,
> 
> Since you are 45, I just wanted to bring up the possible physical aspects; although reading all the previous posts makes me think it's not really physical that much.
> 
> ...


No I don't get enough exercise (unless sex w/him counts lol)
And I think w/the problems we've been having, no exercise (and in turn the way I feel about myself physically) is all playing into this too.....
I work from 8-5, my son plays travel ball - so that takes up a lot of time. My H likes for me to cook dinner, and travels, so he keeps me on the phone too much....

I've decided that I'm going to carve out time for me - I think if I do something more than take care of everyone else, I may be able to sleep better too....I wake up 2/3 times a night sometimes. I can't remember what it's like to sleep thru the night.

I used to be a group fitness instructor - he's never been a gym rat like I was....so he doesn't understand my need for it.

I haven't been taking a vitamin, but I have some good stuff....

I need to get myself together I think


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Happilymarried25 said:


> If you would turn him down when he wants sex and say you are tired or had a headache would he get mad or upset? It sounds like you feel obligated to have sex with him when sometimes you don't want to. The fact that he gets upset with you if you get out of bed before having sex with him would be a turn off for me. That would get me out of the mood, especially with all of the other things going on that you listed.


He doesn't get mad, but I can tell he's disappointed.
I DO feel obligated - that's what I struggle with.
I'm not happy with myself, and we've both gained a little weight (I've gained like 10 lbs) and I don't FEEL sexy!
I was WAY more aggressive, adventurous and playful when I felt good about myself....he reassures me he thinks I'm all this and that but *I* have to feel that way too.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

JustAGirl said:


> I am 45 by husband is 37
> 
> I _used_ to have a high sex drive....
> I'm wondering if my body is started to go through early menapause or is it that my husband wants sex every....single....day *AND* night that it's gotten old or something.
> ...


In the earliest stages of a relationship, the lusty adrenaline is at an all time high-- (The reason you wanted your husband with great frequency.) That stage of a relationship is very difficult to maintain. 

There is nothing wrong with you.  

I would NOT enjoy sexual intercourse every single day, or night either for that matter. Maybe two three days in a row, but everyday? No! During the earliest stages of a relationship, women especially, I think enjoyed being with their mates sexually (but how many times, if ever, did we REALLY have an orgasm? But, more than anything else, women just *loved *being with their significant other! Women know sex please men, so we women gave and gave and gave!!! In the beginning our sensitivity to the male touch was at an all time high because our adrenaline was pumped!!!

I may be going out on a limb in what I am about to say, but I'll say it any way. Men bodies react differently, or should I say, spring into action, if all is well, a whole lot faster than ours when it comes to sex and orgasm. No fault of their own. It is what it is. Here's what I hypothetically think. 

If women bodies responded as quickly as men, at the very thought of sex and orgasm-ed the same , I bet we wouldn't mind engaging in raw meat like sex as often as they. We could get it *on*, and *over *in five minutes or less.  Five minutes of our time out of 24 hours a day isn't so bad, right? 

Seriously. Our desire and bodies need to rebuild after each sexual encounter, I believe, in order to fully enjoy the moment. Going through the motion of sex is not fun, but duty. I wonder if your husband would consider allowing a day or two between your sexual encounters if you shared with him what you shared here? You do know you will have to be as gentle in your wording as possible with the male ego right, if you consider the undertaking? 

By the way. What is the quality o sex like every single night? Is it full blown love making, or is the moment just for him? Full blown love making for a woman takes time, is the reason I ask.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

This whole sex thing beats me.
When we get married we do it for all the right reasons....we love each other, we want to be together...buddies, each others 'other half'...to have sex with, to laugh with etc.

If a wife keeps her husband happy in the sex department he will do anything for her. We are very simple to please.

If 'you' deny us the one thing that we need to feel loved, to bond etc then we will start withdrawing.

i am not saying that wifes HAVE to keep us sexually happy but if you start denying us the one thing we want and need then its a fact of life that we will get pi$$ed off!


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

hartvalve said:


> Going through the motion of sex is not fun, but duty.


:scratchhead: If that's the case, someone ain't doing it right!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

intheory said:


> @Justagirl
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> "I've decided that I'm going to carve out time for me "
> 
> ...


Thanks so much!

We talked a little about this last night. I've explained to him before that if I feel good about myself, I will be happier! And he said (like he has in the past) not to do anything for him, because he thinks I'm as sexy/beautiful as the day we met....I know when you're in love with someone, you want the best for them and if they slip a little, you STILL love them....I appreciate him saying that, but it means nothing if I don't feel the same.

Thanks for your encouragement!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

hartvalve said:


> In the earliest stages of a relationship, the lusty adrenaline is at an all time high-- (The reason you wanted your husband with great frequency.) That stage of a relationship is very difficult to maintain.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with you.
> 
> ...


Thank you! I agree with so much of what you said and please understand if I use your EXACT words as we discuss this some more....

*Men bodies react differently, or should I say, spring into action, if all is well, a whole lot faster than ours when it comes to sex and orgasm. No fault of their own.* :iagree:
*and I'm using this!*

*By the way. What is the quality o sex like every single night? Is it full blown love making, or is the moment just for him? Full blown love making for a woman takes time, is the reason I ask.[/* At first, we weren't married and couldn't every night, so I had "re-started", but now - I TRY to get in the mood and believe you me, he TRIES to help me but sometimes, I just want to be....ya know??
I would guess I orgasm 1 to his 5 of 7


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

askari said:


> This whole sex thing beats me.
> When we get married we do it for all the right reasons....we love each other, we want to be together...buddies, each others 'other half'...to have sex with, to laugh with etc.
> 
> If a wife keeps her husband happy in the sex department he will do anything for her. We are very simple to please.
> ...


That's why I don't deny him.....
Let me ask you, how many times a week would you be happy with?

I'm guessing I have sex 20-25 times a week....give or take.
Twice a day (morning and night) and oh my goodness...the weekends could be 5-10


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

askari said:


> This whole sex thing beats me.
> When we get married we do it for all the right reasons....we love each other, we want to be together...buddies, each others 'other half'...to have sex with, to laugh with etc.
> 
> If a wife keeps her husband happy in the sex department he will do anything for her. We are very simple to please.
> ...


I am in agreement with all of the above. 

Happiness involves both parties wanting the same. To really enjoy the sexual encounter, right? Women bodies just don't work the same as men.. Quickly.  When I learned what it took to be pleased between the sheets I told my husband without hesitation what it took, and he did not mind in the least being taught.. For the mot part, I believe men love being taught the how-tos by their wives and would be great students. But so many women are shy about revealing what their true pleasure is. It is seen as taboo/perverted in their eyes to reveal what they would really enjoy.. Women (many) are frustrated sexually, because being a quote-un-quote a "good girl" in bed is just as important as their being the good girl out of bed.

I threw that cautioned bulled stit stat to the wind and researched intensely, the how to's.. And while doing so, I also considered what the OP is now challenged with, (mundane sex) with her husband.. I made that time for my husband a *fun time *. I tagged those times.. "This one's for you! Come and get it!" I knew all would be said and done and over in five minutes or less, and I did not care.  What I did care about though, was the following. I am not a stupid woman when it comes to the undertaking of full blown lovemaking.. *It takes time.* I expected to have at least two-three non scheduled love makings a month.. I wasn't greedy.. Oh no. I knew when my body was ready to be fully blown sexually, and when those times came, my husband never refused me. Why? Because I'd given him all of his be-quick moments in between the long drawn ones! 

Original poster.. Not refusing your husband's wishes is all fine and dandy. Give him all he wants, I say, but try and have fun while doing so. Let those few moments be fun and real good for him which is pleasing to you both.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

JustAGirl.. Let me tell ya.. 20-25 times a week is a whole lot of sexing! Your man is pumped to say the least!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

hartvalve said:


> JustAGirl.. Let me tell ya.. 20-25 times a week is a whole lot of sexing! Your man is pumped to say the least!


:lol: NO joke!!

I thought I had a high SD until I met him....he wins!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I would be good with twice a week. Sure I want more. But she isn't there yet. Guess I need to wait and build the intamacy again that the relationship lost.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Fordsvt said:


> I would be good with twice a week. Sure I want more. But she isn't there yet. Guess I need to wait and build the intamacy again that the relationship lost.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd be good w/twice a week too - he, on the other hand would probably just be walking thru the house and *BOOM* blow up! lol

Do you guys kiss? Like, really kiss? That's a turn on for me.
And him NOT touching me in a sexual way - makes me WANT him to touch me in a sexual way lol

We're so complicated....gah


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

JustAGirl said:


> I'm guessing I have sex 20-25 times a week....give or take.
> Twice a day (morning and night) and oh my goodness...the weekends could be 5-10


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


>


:whip: ed


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

JustAGirl said:


> :whip: ed


I am HD and would love to have sex daily, and more than daily when we have time. But I don't even think I could keep up with 25 times a week. I would get sore.

How do you find time?

I barely have time to eat, sleep, and clean daily, lol.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I have sex with my wife twice a day and we have been married for over 15 years. It's all attitude. If you are positive and want a healthy marriage, focus your mind on the positive aspects (not that you are a piece of meat) of making love. 

Sex in marriage can feel like exercising I suppose. Like with exercising, you can work out each day and keep your heart healthy, sex keeps your marriage and intimacy healthy. You can go to the gym each day and hate running on the treadmill, or you can go to the gym with a great attitude because you are running on the treadmill to keep yourself happy and healthy.

Attitude is everything. Every time I am with my wife or she gives me oral, I look down at her and see the most beautiful creature on earth. Every single time. Hair undone, no make up, nothing... if she is doing something intimate with me, she turns into an absolute goddess and I feel like the luckiest man on earth. Every time I am inside her, I feel loved, special, wanted, and accepted. If I knew she felt like a piece of meat or wasn't enjoying the closeness with me, I'd feel the exact opposite. Sex without enthusiasm or without the other person also having positive thoughts is a sexless marriage in my eyes.

Hopefully you work out this issue.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

During our first five years, we were around 21x a week, even with jobs, teenagers, a new (old!) house, etc. We've slowed down a lot over the years, to about 7+ a week. 10x is a pretty good "sweet spot" for us both, most of the time, and we've recently resolved some health issues that made that difficult, so there's a good chance we'll return to that.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

JustAGirl said:


> That's why I don't deny him.....
> Let me ask you, how many times a week would you be happy with?
> 
> I'm guessing I have sex 20-25 times a week....give or take.
> Twice a day (morning and night) and oh my goodness...the weekends could be 5-10


20-25 times a week...WOW!! Even when I was 20 I wasnt getting that often!

Now I am lucky if my wife allows me sex every couple of months...then its duty sex.
Because of her attitude towards sex I have 'gone off' her completely. Infact I have almost gone off sex completely thanks to her.
Do I feel bitter and resentful? Too right I do.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I am HD and would love to have sex daily, and more than daily when we have time. But I don't even think I could keep up with 25 times a week. I would get sore.
> 
> How do you find time?
> 
> I barely have time to eat, sleep, and clean daily, lol.


He travels almost daily to work - sometimes he has to get up @4am, that's usually when it happens in the mornings. And because of the early wake up time, we usually lay down around 9pm - so that's when that happens. Weekends are weekends. If we aren't doing anything much - well, it can happen anytime lol

I do get sore! whew


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Coldie said:


> I have sex with my wife twice a day and we have been married for over 15 years. It's all attitude. If you are positive and want a healthy marriage, focus your mind on the positive aspects (not that you are a piece of meat) of making love.
> 
> Sex in marriage can feel like exercising I suppose. Like with exercising, you can work out each day and keep your heart healthy, sex keeps your marriage and intimacy healthy. You can go to the gym each day and hate running on the treadmill, or you can go to the gym with a great attitude because you are running on the treadmill to keep yourself happy and healthy.
> 
> ...


Thank you for posting.....
I guess we've had some problems and I'm having a hard time letting them go. He says he can't do better if I'm always expecting the worst, and he's right. My emotions and how I'm feeling have a lot to do with how loving I am. If we fight over and over and over again about the SAME things, it pisses me off and I want nothing to do with him!

I guess I'm not sure how to let that go, and be loving towards him....I don't like him very much right now....ESPECIALLY after Mother's Day ended.....I just wanna cry!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

askari said:


> 20-25 times a week...WOW!! Even when I was 20 I wasnt getting that often!
> 
> Now I am lucky if my wife allows me sex every couple of months...then its duty sex.
> Because of her attitude towards sex I have 'gone off' her completely. Infact I have almost gone off sex completely thanks to her.
> Do I feel bitter and resentful? Too right I do.


I'm sorry, I know where you are coming from!
My first marriage was sexless - and you do turn bitter and resentful. I know there is more than just sex, but it keeps a relationship solid...that's probably why I'm having such a hard time right now. I know he and I need it, but he is pissing me OFF about some issues.....he said to me this morning, "The only thing we can't beat is cheating" but he has a lot to learn about women!

I hope your intimate relationship gets better - maybe not 20-25 times a week - but something.....


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

JAG:
You seem very sad. Are you getting some counseling?
You used to be social and had friends----is that gone now?
I'm worried about you.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

also, if you don't "like" him----this is very serious!


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> JAG:
> You seem very sad. Are you getting some counseling?
> You used to be social and had friends----is that gone now?
> I'm worried about you.


Funny.....you saw right thru me.

I have no one, but the pressure of sick/aging parents, a child I almost can't bare to be without, someone I thought I loved finding fault with not only my child but everything else.
I can't be me - if I'm frowing, I shouldn't be frowning.
I'm not loving enough
Something is bothering me, but the moment I say anything about what I'm feeling, he blows up!

I don't mean to scare anyone, but have ya ever just thought....sure would be easier just not to deal with any of this SH*T anymore?

I feel like I'm DROWNING!


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

JAG:
Please see a counselor or your doctor ASAP!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

JustAGirl said:


> I am 45 by husband is 37
> 
> I _used_ to have a high sex drive....
> I'm wondering if my body is started to go through early menapause or is it that my husband wants sex every....single....day *AND* night that it's gotten old or something.
> ...



I say, enjoy the sex while it lasts because it will taper off as we get older.

Us men need sex because its the way we are built. Testosterone, health, stress and bonding. 

Good for you never denying him sex.:smthumbup:

You could spice it up. Think of something different to do sexually every week. Maybe one week, blind fold him and tie him down to the bed. Use a feather and oils to work him up. Or have him do that to you. Next week, surprise each other with sex in the shower just before work. Next week, dress up and role play. You get the idea. Spice it up.

I too am HD and could have sex every day and sometimes multiple times a day but I'm married to a LD, now finally AD wifee so having sex 1x month was the norm and now up to 3x week. Still not near enough for me but I can survive on that.

I would love it if my wifee went HD and wanted sex every day and used me for sex. No worries about that.

Finding a counselor, get some help and find ways to relieve stress. New activities, hobbies and maybe time out with the girls?


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

JustAGirl said:


> What hasen't helped is the fact that we've been fighting.
> We will be married a year Aug. 12th. And unlike my 1st marriage, the 1st year has been a challenge like I've heard.
> 
> Part of it is, when I'm unhappy or stressed - I am NOT in the mood. And it feels like I've gone from loving w/my emotions to loving as a chore. Ugh, I hate saying that, because that isn't how I am or want to be.
> ...



Lisa is that you? 

I have same issues with my wife and I know she feels like you do.


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