# Online dating



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I just joined online dating. I feel uncomfortable reaching out to a guy first. I think if a guy is interested in me he would reach out, and if he isn’t he won’t reach out. 

Any thoughts or opinions?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

It is a new world. If you see someone you are interested in, then make a move. It doesn't have to be anything more than a smile or wink or a simple hello. Most people are just like you - busy with life. They may not have time to search, you might not come up in their searches or whatever. You signed up, now put your self out there and see what happens. What is the worst that can happen? They don't respond? If it bothers them that you reached out first, then they are just showing you that you are better off without them.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

It’s hard to put yourself out there. My self esteem was beat up. In an idea world, I would be pursued but I understand men also have self esteem issues.


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## Tonto (Feb 17, 2018)

If you are an Millennium, unlike us you use applications, how they work who knows, but they all seem unhappy : D


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

katiecrna said:


> I just joined online dating. I feel uncomfortable reaching out to a guy first. I think if a guy is interested in me he would reach out, and if he isn’t he won’t reach out.
> 
> Any thoughts or opinions?


Yup, it's the guy's duty. Not to worry, many of us like it that way, myself included. A woman messaging me makes me rather uncomfortable.

Not to mention most of us know that women get bombarded with messages all the time, and if a woman has the time to message a man, it gives the impression of desperation.

I like the chase


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It depends on what you are looking for right now. Is your D final? Even if it is I know it's very fresh.

You should only be casually dating and meeting friends or FWB. If you try to meet someone to have a more committed relationship with right now it will be a mess (even if it seems good at first).

So I'm just saying that because since you aren't ready for a deeper thing right now you can contact men first. Or like on ******* you can "like" them and then if they like you back they might message you first anyway.

Have you received any responses yet?

I think meetup groups are better than OLD for early post divorce meeting and mingling.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

From my experience only a very small fraction of those even open to FWBs are able to maintain FWBs before they start getting attached and causing issues. 

*sigh*


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> From my experience only a very small fraction of those even open to FWBs are able to maintain FWBs before they start getting attached and causing issues.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


True which is why just meet up and mingle is better until you get your footing after a divorce.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> True which is why just meet up and mingle is better until you get your footing after a divorce.


I'll have to agree.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I just joined online dating. I feel uncomfortable reaching out to a guy first. I think if a guy is interested in me he would reach out, and if he isn’t he won’t reach out.
> 
> Any thoughts or opinions?


You will make the right man a good catch.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Making a first move on online dating is now big deal. Being needy, having sex or fall By in love immediately, wanting an Immediate relationship, texting a guy constantly, 
Those ar turn offs to me. I personally liked it when a woman showed interest.

I got tired of having to risk rejection all the time while women got off scot free.
I'm an equal rights for ladies kinda guy.😊


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It’s can be a tough go for men OLD. If you are interested in a guy reach out. It works.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> True which is why just meet up and mingle is better until you get your footing after a divorce.


This. I am too exhausted to even think of washing my car in preparation for a date, let alone finding a date 

What do you enjoy doing that others may enjoy too?


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


Haha try having a gay guy message you with rather explicit writing *pukes* bleh!

That's what putting yourself out there is all about, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


You are new to this. You'll get used to it. Many of them hit up everyone. 

You really aren't ready for this but seems you are going to proceed anyway. Buckle up.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I just joined online dating. I feel uncomfortable reaching out to a guy first. I think if a guy is interested in me he would reach out, and if he isn’t he won’t reach out.
> 
> Any thoughts or opinions?


I sent my now husband a first message on a dating site and we have now been happily married for 12 years. Cant see the problem myself. If you hear nothing back then move on. I am all for being proactive. I may have lost out on an amazing man if I hadn't contacted him. He is very laid back and easy going and he had no issues at all with me contacting him first, in fact he was very pleased. 

Mind you if you are still getting divorced or are only just divorced, I would recommend waiting a year or two first. It was 4 years for me before I felt emotionally ready to date again after the trauma of my marriage break up. To be honest you don't sound as if you are ready, and you will struggle with internet dating if that is the case. You have to be quite tough to do it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


A young lady I know who was in her early 30's was getting a few men in their 50's contacting her. Yuk. Needless to say she didn't reply. She wanted a husband not a dad.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> A young lady I know who was in her early 30's was getting a few men in their 50's contacting her. Yuk. Needless to say she didn't reply. She wanted a husband not a dad.




This is what I’m getting too! Some men are a little too over confident lol.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> This is what I’m getting too! Some men are a little too over confident lol.


It depends really. What it does mean is that they find your profile attractive.

I like it when a woman reaches out to me. Just a Like or Thumbs Up is fine, or a message is fine too. And because I am old fashioned, if I initiate contact I appreciate a response back even if it is "Sorry, I don't think we'd be a match. Good luck." But then I do like closed-loop communications, so maybe I am weird.

I also have enjoyed just having chats even though we weren't a match. But I'm not looking for pen-pals. I learned that some women want a lot of texts, emails, pictures, etc. Basically, they want a lot of attention but they aren't looking for a deep relationship.

Some hints for your profile. Be honest about what you're looking for. It is difficult at first, and I recommend you look at a lot of men's profiles. Maybe even put your profile as private so that you can browse without being hit on all the time. I find a lot of women don't really know what they want. Or they say one thing but really mean something else. It wastes everybody's time. If you're looking for casual dating, go ahead and say that. If you're looking for a hot romance, say that.

I do see a lot of women's profiles saying they're not looking for ONS or NSA sex. Around here there are a lot of Mormons, and so it is common to see the comment that they live the LDS values, which is code for no sex before marriage. So if you're not looking for casual sex it is fine to put it in your profile.

FWIW, my experience was better with the free ******* than with the expensive Match. I just don't like the way the Match website works. 

I will echo what others have said, which is that other avenues like MeetUp and Mingle are superior for just meeting people, and usually you will have a common interest. Online dating websites are very much like getting set up on a blind date by a friend, which then has unnatural pressures and dynamics.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> This is what I’m getting too! Some men are a little too over confident lol.


There are quite a few keyboard commandos out there. Just delete the ones who come on too strong.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> This is what I’m getting too! Some men are a little too over confident lol.


Well that's one polite way of putting it. :surprise:

You could say, no thanks, I am not looking for a daddy. :smile2:


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I just joined online dating. I feel uncomfortable reaching out to a guy first. I think if a guy is interested in me he would reach out, and if he isn’t he won’t reach out.
> 
> Any thoughts or opinions?


There's no way to really express who you are in a written description. Getting to know someone requires a two-way conversation. Therefore, if a guy has an interesting profile, reach out to him. We are now 60 years after women's liberation. I was dating in the 1970s, and it really was equal - women initiated as often as men did. No reason that should not still be the case.

I was an administrator for a dating system about 30 years ago. We polled the members about lots of things and one thing stood out - nobody was able to predict what the other person was like based on their profile. Things like interests, age, activities are easy enough to describe. But a person's writing style doesn't tell you very important things like do they make eye contact with you when they speak, is their voice soft and pleasant or more commanding, etc. These really are important things.

Also - most people said that the people they liked best weren't ones whose profiles interested them. "I'd have never given her a chance if she had not contacted me first".

Good luck


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


Yes, I would too. HOWEVER, if you read a lot of the posts on TAM, you will see time and time again men advising other men who are getting divorced that what they have to look forward to is: a MUCH YOUNGER, hotter woman, who will have better sex with them than their ex. So that's why these much older men are messaging you. The message men tell each other and themselves is that women are all into men 10 plus years older than themselves.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> There's no way to really express who you are in a written description. Getting to know someone requires a two-way conversation. Therefore, if a guy has an interesting profile, reach out to him. We are now 60 years after women's liberation. I was dating in the 1970s, and it really was equal - women initiated as often as men did. No reason that should not still be the case.
> 
> I was an administrator for a dating system about 30 years ago. We polled the members about lots of things and one thing stood out - nobody was able to predict what the other person was like based on their profile. Things like interests, age, activities are easy enough to describe. But a person's writing style doesn't tell you very important things like do they make eye contact with you when they speak, is their voice soft and pleasant or more commanding, etc. These really are important things.
> 
> ...


Not to mention that none of us are still in grade school where such protocols may still exist. We are all grown up adults. If someone is offended by being approached first, they are the one with the problem. If they act all offended or don't respond, congratulations! You have just identified someone who is not compatible with you and your own choices just got easier as they were reduced by one!


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## concernedhub (Feb 15, 2018)

After my divorce I did online dating for a while. I had several women message me which I was fine with except they werent even close to a match or seemed to have read my profile lol


Women get bombarded with men usually.

The biggest thing I found was people try to appeal to everyone instead of being honest what they want and get a good match.

A person who says they like to do lots of things but in reality just likes weekends at home reading should just state the truth. 

Reading profiles you’d think everyone is Super fun and witty. I went on two dates then stopped using it. One her picture on her profile must have been from her good side on best day of her life as in real life not even close.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Yes, I would too. HOWEVER, if you read a lot of the posts on TAM, you will see time and time again men advising other men who are getting divorced that what they have to look forward to is: a MUCH YOUNGER, hotter woman, who will have better sex with them than their ex. So that's why these much older men are messaging you. The message men tell each other and themselves is that women are all into men 10 plus years older than themselves.


Silly of them... for older men they should be going on sugardaddy.com, plenty of sugarbabies there looking for their sugardaddies! Unless they don't have much sugar...

Then well... guess they're fked lol


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

OLD requires a thick skin, if your are wierded out by men 10 years older messaging you then your skin is too thin IMHO. It is a numbers game for many so they will contact everyone they can. It really isn't a big deal, just ignore them.

As for contacting men yourself, well that is up to you, no right or wrong. Personally I never did it, much prefer to be pursued and there were too many men chasing as it was. I like my men all cave man and confident so them having the guts to pursue is impressive to me. 

OLD should be fun, you should be free to do whatever you want. If you are stressing about it then you are either not ready or not thick skinned enough. Maybe both.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

concernedhub said:


> Reading profiles you’d think everyone is Super fun and witty.



Ey? Reading the profiles I came to believe everyone is super boring and clones of each other. They all like travel. They all like food. They are all simple girls. They all want their mister right.

And then they say "guys don't read my profile"... like, the fk? What material can we possibly use to initiate a conversation? lol

And the interesting ones are all hostile hahaha "NO MEN OLDER THAN 10+ YEARS! NO MEN UNDER 6FT! NO WHITE GUYS! NO BLACK GUYS!" etc etc

When I did OLD I normally just copy and paste my messages (just change the name) with 1-2 sentences with a comment about the usual travel/food/movies crap. Sometimes I just go "hi!"


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I have to improve my profile. I am not the type of person to take pics of myself so I literally have none. I had my friend take a pic is me the day I signed up and that’s the only one in my profile!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Reading the profiles I came to believe everyone is super boring and clones of each other. They all like travel. They all like food. They are all simple girls. They all want their mister right.
> 
> And then they say "guys don't read my profile"... like, the fk? What material can we possibly use to initiate a conversation? lol
> 
> ...


What is wrong with people who love to travel and like good food and want their Mr right? Would you rather they had never travelled outside their home town and sat on the sofa all day with takeaways watching TV? 

I don't think that being specific is being hostile, they have probably got fed up with men old enough to be their Father contacting them. :surprise: I wasn't interested in a man more than a few years older or younger than me. I wanted a man near my own age not a dad or a son.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> What is wrong with people who love to travel and like good food and want their Mr right? Would you rather they had never travelled outside their home town and sat on the sofa all day with takeaways watching TV?


There's nothing wrong with that at all but it's the SAME thing across almost all profiles lol


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Yes, I would too. HOWEVER, if you read a lot of the posts on TAM, you will see time and time again men advising other men who are getting divorced that what they have to look forward to is: a MUCH YOUNGER, hotter woman, who will have better sex with them than their ex. So that's why these much older men are messaging you. The message men tell each other and themselves is that women are all into men 10 plus years older than themselves.


Yes that's terrible advise, and most of them are deluded. They usually only get much younger women if they are rich or rich and famous. 
A good man who is wanting a committed relationship/marriage will usually look for someone around their own age in my experience.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> There's nothing wrong with that at all but it's the SAME thing across almost all profiles lol


Well traveling is a big thing these days, very popular. Also there has been an explosion of food and cooking programmes on TV so lots of people are into that now. 
Must admit that I was far more interested in the mans character and personality than what interest and hobbies they had, so I tried to look past that to get to see the real man. My husbands profile was very appealing and honest and its partly what made me think he was a really good man before we even met. I wish I had kept it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I agree with RandomDude. Almost every woman's profile says they like to travel, they love music, they love walking on the beach, they are country girls but they like the city too. The ideal Friday night is either going out on the town or staying in and reading a good book or cuddling up on the couch with her man watching something Netflix.

The profiles that catch my attention are the ones with pictures of activities. Out with friends, hiking in the mountains with their dog, in their motorcycle jacket next to their bike, a holiday somewhere, etc. The more pictures the better, and it is fine if some are old as long as they are labeled as not current. It helps show who the real person is. Have some humor, too.

The more specific they are about likes, goals, and dislikes the better. If they just like music, it doesn't stand out. If they like certain kinds of music, that is much better (unless it is rap or hip-hop because I can't stand those). Even if their likes aren't a total match, if it is interesting then it says a bit more about who they are.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thor said:


> I agree with RandomDude. Almost every woman's profile says they like to travel, they love music, they love walking on the beach, they are country girls but they like the city too. The ideal Friday night is either going out on the town or staying in and reading a good book or cuddling up on the couch with her man watching something Netflix.
> 
> The profiles that catch my attention are the ones with pictures of activities. Out with friends, hiking in the mountains with their dog, in their motorcycle jacket next to their bike, a holiday somewhere, etc. The more pictures the better, and it is fine if some are old as long as they are labeled as not current. It helps show who the real person is. Have some humor, too.
> 
> The more specific they are about likes, goals, and dislikes the better. If they just like music, it doesn't stand out. If they like certain kinds of music, that is much better (unless it is rap or hip-hop because I can't stand those). Even if their likes aren't a total match, if it is interesting then it says a bit more about who they are.


Heh yeah doesn't have to be all boring beauty shots 

But then you message them and they reply, and many are still so boring lol


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


I've dated 2 gorgeous women around 10-12 years younger than me. Met then online.
That's why. Lots of women go for older men.
They know it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yes that's terrible advise, and most of them are deluded. They usually only get much younger women if they are rich or rich and famous.
> A good man who is wanting a committed relationship/marriage will usually look for someone around their own age in my experience.


They do. But it's fun to date beautiful younger women, too. I'm not handsome or rich. I've got a lot of dates with younger women. But it wasn't tgT they were younger that attracted me. It was because they were really pretty. I've dated ten year older ones, but rarely. They were gorgeous.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @katiecrna ~ nothing wrong with approaching a guy first!

Being the ultra-shy one, I went onto eHarmony, where a gal one month my junior from the Austin vicinity, sent me a message and I replied back, and we've been talking, corresponding and dating ever since!

She loved my profile and said so! She's a practicing academic professor, belongs to the same religious denomination that I do, was born in the same part of the state, had also been divorced twice, is somewhat unsure of remarriage, but very sure that she wants another crack at a relationship!

Best of luck to you, my dear!*


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> They do. But it's fun to date beautiful younger women, too. I'm not handsome or rich. I've got a lot of dates with younger women. But it wasn't tgT they were younger that attracted me. It was because they were really pretty. I've dated ten year older ones, but rarely. They were gorgeous.


Hmmm... they also say men age like fine wine. I also heard stuff like "older men more mature, more able to handle responsibility" etc etc.

Still, when I think of my old man dating like 20 years younger I'm always like "isn't that a little too much? Leave some for our generation damn you!  "


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> They do. But it's fun to date beautiful younger women, too. I'm not handsome or rich. I've got a lot of dates with younger women. But it wasn't tgT they were younger that attracted me. It was because they were really pretty. I've dated ten year older ones, but rarely. They were gorgeous.


Maybe it depends on what you are looking for. If its just a casual relationship then I can see that some men would want that, but if its marriage or a long term relationship many men would get bored being with someone young enough to be their child. I always heard about women liking older men, I don't see it, I barely know anyone who is with a man more than a few years older.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> OLD requires a thick skin, if your are wierded out by men 10 years older messaging you then your skin is too thin IMHO. It is a numbers game for many so they will contact everyone they can. It really isn't a big deal, just ignore them.
> 
> As for contacting men yourself, well that is up to you, no right or wrong. Personally I never did it, much prefer to be pursued and there were too many men chasing as it was. I like my men all cave man and confident so them having the guts to pursue is impressive to me.
> 
> OLD should be fun, you should be free to do whatever you want. If you are stressing about it then you are either not ready or not thick skinned enough. Maybe both.


I agree with @MrsHolland. The difference for me was that I did pursue men as much as I'd received pursuit. That adds a different dimension to your efforts.

It has to become a job, but not in a grueling way, just in terms of your investment and dedication. I was dating almost every day, mostly coffee dates during my lunch break. If it went somewhere, maybe then dinner on a Fri or Sat night. 

I paid for dates if I extended the invitation. I had fun above all else. I had low expectations going in and managed to meet some very upstanding guys. Met some whoppers, too and everything in between. All of them received the same courteous behavior.

Everyone has their approach, but my personal opinion is, you can't obsess, question, or second guess everything, you just process it, determine if it's interesting, and carry on if not. The older men is a good example. I've had older men show interest in me my whole adult life. My husband is 14 years older. So what? If that's not what you want, ignore them. If you're not sure, try dating a few and see how it goes.

You're working up an awful lot in your mind before you even go and do it. So just go and try and learn.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I find it interesting the concept on wanting to be pursued. I can someone see this IRL (i.e. when you are actually physically contacting someone). However, I guess I just don't see it the same way with online dating. What happens if you just have a bad profile. Unless you believe that your profile can give a very accurate idea of who you are, it can easily get looked past by someone who otherwise might be a great match. 

If someone online interests you (dude or dudette), go for it. Better that then passing on a profile b/c the person didn't reach out to you first (which to me kinda defeats the purpose of online dating).


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


It's actually not unexpected. Usually, men and women value different things in a potential partner, and each person is going to try to date whomever is their best option for them at the time they are looking. 

Traditionally men have valued beauty which is directly correlated with youth, while women have valued security, wealth, and confidence which is directly related with a more mature age. 

If you are looking for successful, confident, men who have their life in order you will probably be dating men that are older than you simply because that type of man that is your age will have options with younger/more attractive women than you and you won't be able to compete against a younger model. 

If you aren't physically attractive then you will have more luck finding people closer to your own age range (possibly even a bit younger than you) because you won't be relying on your looks to get a man. Instead you will have developed other traits that will be more valuable to that dating pool. But, I do agree that there are older men that have nothing to offer that are just being creeps. 

I personally don't date any woman older than me, simply because I don't have to and I want the best option I can get. My mom says I'm superficial, and she's correct. But I'm happy and superficial.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In online dating, you have to learn to ignore the ones you don't want.
Simple.

I've had a lot of ladies that contacted me and I wasn't interested and never responded.

I've contacted a lot of women and they never responded. 

Gotta grow a thick skin and be very picky. 
If you're not totally excited to go out with someone you meet online, don't go.

If they don't even seem exciting over the Internet or phone where they only project their most pisitive traits, you surely won't like them in real life.

Also, online, people have a vast set of choices. Everyone is going after the best they can find with looks and status.

Online dating is NOT the best place to find a mate long term. I would think most ladies get plenty of requests for dates in real life. Try to stick to people you know some history on.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> In online dating, you have to learn to ignore the ones you don't want.
> Simple.
> 
> I've had a lot of ladies that contacted me and I wasn't interested and never responded.
> ...


I know about 10 couples who met their spouses on line including us. Apparently 1/3 of relationships now start with meeting on line.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I know about 10 couples who met their spouses on line including us. Apparently 1/3 of relationships now start with meeting on line.


mine too. 

i met my wife on yahoo personals nearly a decade ago, when yahoo personals was still a thing...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

As'laDain said:


> mine too.
> 
> i met my wife on yahoo personals nearly a decade ago, when yahoo personals was still a thing...


Good for you. :smile2:

I think its a great way to meet someone as long as you are careful and can deal with the usual scams and chancers. Of course it doesn't work for everyone, but many don't give it a chance and come off after quite a short time.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Good for you. :smile2:
> 
> I think its a great way to meet someone as long as you are careful and can deal with the usual scams and chancers. Of course it doesn't work for everyone, but many don't give it a chance and come off after quite a short time.


im a bit of an odd one though, so people probably cant base their expectations off of my experience. i got drunk with a buddy of mine and we both made profiles and sent a few messages out. then disappeared for several months for training. when i got back, i saw her message in the inbox and messaged her back. we exchanged a few messages, then some phone calls, and then a few dates. then i left for a few more months of training. i then came back and married her. 

we only went on about four or five dates. her family was not very happy about it. her six brothers and her parents all took bets on how long it would be before we divorced. the longest bet was six months. 

when we got married, we didn't get along well at all. couldn't stand each other, and certainly weren't attracted to each other. on top of that, her family did everything they could for the first two years to get us to divorce. 

but, i was able to convince my wife to work with me, even though back then she didn't trust me. we figured it out, we fell in love, and the rest is history.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is funny....today on ok cupid....

I "liked" a guy, then at the very bottom of his profile I noticed "please be 5'8" or taller, the taller the better". 

I am only 5'4".

So I sent him a quick note that said "oops, sorry didn't notice you prefer taller women before I hit like".

He responded and said "well if that's you in the photo I can make an exception."

The only photo on my profile is one of my back (in a bikini) as I'm walking into the sunset on a Hawaii beach.

I said "yes, that's me. I'm pretty short but I love tall guys. I know they sometimes prefer taller women too, so I get it".

Then he replied "It's what's inside that counts."

:rofl:

But didn't you just say you'd make an exception based on my picture? 

Really I just thought it was funny. However, I should note...I don't make height exceptions for men, regardless of the inside or the outside. I only reached out to him because he is 6'5".


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> This is funny....today on ok cupid....
> 
> I "liked" a guy, then at the very bottom of his profile I noticed "please be 5'8" or taller, the taller the better".
> 
> ...




Hahahahaaa!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Satya said:


> Everyone has their approach, but my personal opinion is, you can't obsess, question, or second guess everything, you just process it, determine if it's interesting, and carry on if not. The older men is a good example. I've had older men show interest in me my whole adult life. My husband is 14 years older. So what? If that's not what you want, ignore them. If you're not sure, try dating a few and see how it goes.
> 
> You're working up an awful lot in your mind before you even go and do it. So just go and try and learn.


Yeah, that is one of the problems either OLD or IRL. People have this idea that they aren't allowed to make a mistake. So they don't take chances, instead they tend to look for what they think they had rather than looking at what is right in front of them. So they blow a lot of opportunities because they are looking for the ONE! I have dated tall and short, younger and older as well. Blonds, brunettes and red heads. I take chances. My only real firm criteria is that they take care of themselves. Nothing hacks me off more than arriving to meet some woman, that looks about 50 lbs heavier than their pics. Just like you only have one life, you also only have one body. If you can't even make the effort to take care of that, why on earth would I imagine you have taken care of anything else?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Really I just thought it was funny. However, I should note...I don't make height exceptions for men, regardless of the inside or the outside. I only reached out to him because he is 6'5".


Darn I don't make the cut I am only 6'4"!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm 5' 11". I'm not tall enough, either.
😁


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> This is funny....today on ok cupid....
> 
> I "liked" a guy, then at the very bottom of his profile I noticed "please be 5'8" or taller, the taller the better".
> 
> ...


6'5" would be too tall for me :x

At 5'3" my max is 6'3" which is exactly what MrH is. MrH V1 is 5'4" which at that time was perfect for me. Life is good, men of all heights are gorgeous.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> I'm 5' 11". I'm not tall enough, either.
> 😁


Ah the curse of 5'11! We are 1 inch short of meeting online dating standards lol


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Ah the curse of 5'11! We are 1 inch short of meeting online dating standards lol


Actually being 5'11" isn't so much the problem. I've dated plenty of guys who were under 6' tall and my SO is 5'10". In my experience, though, a rather appalling number of men who are under 6' seem to add 2-3 inches or more to their stated height in their dating profiles. I'm 5'8" myself, so I'm going to notice if a guy who says he's 5'11" is actually 5'9". And, yet, it happens so often that it's become something of an online dating cliché. Women lie about their age and weight. Men lie about the position of their hairline and height. 

I don't care so much about height - or even hairline for that matter - but the lying about it _is_ a problem.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Actually being 5'11" isn't so much the problem. I've dated plenty of guys who were under 6' tall and my SO is 5'10". In my experience, though, a rather appalling number of men who are under 6' seem to add 2-3 inches or more to their stated height in their dating profiles. I'm 5'8" myself, so I'm going to notice if a guy who says he's 5'11" is actually 5'9". And, yet, it happens so often that it's become something of an online dating cliché. Women lie about their age and weight. Men lie about the position of their hairline and height.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't care so much about height - or even hairline for that matter - but the lying about it _is_ a problem.




And weight...don’t forget about that. And YES...the dishonesty is the deal breaker. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Actually being 5'11" isn't so much the problem. I've dated plenty of guys who were under 6' tall and my SO is 5'10". In my experience, though, a rather appalling number of men who are under 6' seem to add 2-3 inches or more to their stated height in their dating profiles. I'm 5'8" myself, so I'm going to notice if a guy who says he's 5'11" is actually 5'9". And, yet, it happens so often that it's become something of an online dating cliché. Women lie about their age and weight. Men lie about the position of their hairline and height.
> 
> I don't care so much about height - or even hairline for that matter - but the lying about it _is_ a problem.


Totally agree that many men add an inch or two to their height. However I've found that most guys 6'2" or taller don't add a pretend inch.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ynot said:


> Darn I don't make the cut I am only 6'4"!


Actually 6'4" is my favorite. 6'5" is a bit too tall for me but the guy on ******* wasn't in my sights for any long term thing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Rowan said:


> Actually being 5'11" isn't so much the problem. I've dated plenty of guys who were under 6' tall and my SO is 5'10". In my experience, though, a rather appalling number of men who are under 6' seem to add 2-3 inches or more to their stated height in their dating profiles. I'm 5'8" myself, so I'm going to notice if a guy who says he's 5'11" is actually 5'9". And, yet, it happens so often that it's become something of an online dating cliché. Women lie about their age and weight. Men lie about the position of their hairline and height.
> 
> I don't care so much about height - or even hairline for that matter - but the lying about it _is_ a problem.


And 'tis why I always say taller women don't care about height, while shorter women do 

For example, a women around 5-5'6 would want a man 6ft+, while a 5'7+ woman tends to have less height preferences in general. Since I prefer 5'7+ as well for the long legs, it works out for me ^^


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Totally agree that many men add an inch or two to their height. However I've found that most guys 6'2" or taller don't add a pretend inch.


I think it's because they don't feel they need to. Shorter guys don't need to either, but more of them seem to feel compelled.

I did once have a guy _subtract_ inches from his height. When we met, I noticed it immediately. He said that mentioning his actual height (6'6") seemed to scare women off. He said I was the first woman to notice, as apparently anything over 6'4" is just "really tall" and most people don't notice the details much beyond that. All of the men in my family are 6'6" or more, so maybe I'm just more aware of what "really tall" actually looks like. I understood it, but still wished he'd been honest.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> And 'tis why I always say taller women don't care about height, while shorter women do
> 
> For example, a women around 5-5'6 would want a man 6ft+, while a 5'7+ woman tends to have less height preferences in general. Since I prefer 5'7+ as well for the long legs, it works out for me ^^


I have found the opposite to be true. Most taller women prefer taller men. They like the fact that they can wear heels without dwarfing the guy they are with. The last woman I dated was 5'11" she loved the fact that I was taller than her.


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## M042 (Nov 4, 2013)

katiecrna said:


> This is what I’m getting too! Some men are a little too over confident lol.


I met my girlfriend last April on Match. I was 45 at the time, and she, 35. I look much younger than my age. 

I will say this-- if you are remotely attractive you will get messages from many older men. (not to mention inappropriate or just strange messages in general). 

I think the main reason is because you are online and pretty anonymous, so everyone has a little more courage than in real life, and what is there to lose? I would say get used to it and do not take the OLD thing TOO seriously, just consider it another tool in meeting new people. 

If you feel like you are spending too much time, just don't go on for a day, and if someone you are not interested in messages you there is NO obligation to respond.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> It’s hard to put yourself out there. My self esteem was beat up. In an idea world, I would be pursued but I understand men also have self esteem issues.


I feel the same way, and my self esteem has also taken a beating in my marriage. I joined online dating in December, and have met some very nice men on there. I've met some ummm interesting men too, and some that didn't get past date #1. Reach out if you see someone that interests you. It's nice to be pursued, but if you like to be pursued, that probably means that others like that feeling as well. Nothing wrong in reaching out or initiating a coffee meet-up. Just watch yourself and what you do; always meet in a public place and let a trusted friend know where you're at, what time and who you're with.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I find it weird that men who are 10+ years older than me messaging me.


Oh Katie, I'm not sure what site you're on, but I'm on Match. A couple weeks after joining, I could no longer login. I thought the site was down, so I tried again the next day with the same results, so I emailed Match. I got an email back saying that they were escalating my concern. I thought it was odd, and that they could just reset my password or something. Turn out that my Match account was hacked, and the hacker went and "liked" a bunch of older men pictures and profiles, who in turn, liked me back. I got back into my account after jumping through a lot of hoops, and removed all of those men, BUT, I still get liked by men much, much older than me. The oldest was 74 (for the record, I'm 39). Yeah, the joys of online dating!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I have men ranging from 25 to 75 reaching out to me. It's just numbers for them. I mean yes they are probably attracted to you but they are just throwing a line into the pond. It's not a big deal and doesn't mean much. Just move along and don't respond.

I like the way ******* is doing it now. You can't message someone unless you like them first, and they have to like you back to see your message. So this way you don't get your inbox full of just random messages from whoever.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I used OLD for a very short time in 2012-13, late 2014-early 2017 with a small break in 2016. The # of males and females on those are 50 / 50 or maybe 55 / 45. But first messages are somewhere around 85-90% guys. It didn't take long to figure out many (both genders I'm sure but I only date females so that's my variable) were OLD for attention and ego boosts. Maybe they got burned in OLD and that is as far as she wants to go? 

Many people enter OLD much too quickly after a D "and are seeking their one and only." Truth told.... they just want to mingle and 'get their feet wet' but still put out there "seeking forever." Many times posters are guilty of false advertising. Traditionally the guy makes the first move. About every female I know who has used OLD say 90% of the opening messages are extremely canned or are directly or indirectly linked to sex.

When I last updated my profiles in 2015, I condensed it to two very short paragraphs. What my intentions were and a brief bio. Just enough to leave an opening for a first message from a female. I then went out and.... enjoyed life. I would check out first responses and answer back if I was interested. Many had "hi" "how are you" or "hi sexy man" ..... I would then view their profile and those exact things were what they detested in a first message..... And they sent the very same thing, to me. Thank you LOL

Not everyone who messages you or checks out your profile is meeting material. At first, I would respond to every message out of courtesy.... that ended about four months in. I listed my age and wanted to have kids.... would get messages from females 45 and up all the time. Never understood that... 

But there is nothing wrong with having a meet n greet 20-30 minutes. If the other is not interested... oh well! Guys are more okay with this from being denied a date in the past. Women are not used to this because it is foreign territory for most. Like TAM poster HardtoHandle once said -If women got turned down like men do they would probably slit their wrist- And there is a lot of truth in that.

If it is just a meet n greet .... go, meet. Usually each learn really quick if there is no chemistry. If they message again -I'm sorry I am busy for the next week, I will get back with you- 98% of time, that does the trick. In 2015 I had no intention of getting serious with anyone unless it was one of those "WOW" moments. Met 3-4x a week, several I dated a bit but none where over four dates. I met some "out there" ones, even posted about some of them. I made a detailed assessment of the major OLD sites on Mr. Packs thread I guess a year or two ago. I made a post about the four types of women you will run into 99% of the time on WasDecimateds thread a couple years ago, maybe two years back "needle in haystack" thread in LaD.

All in all.... it was an experience for me. The only females I ever dated more than 2x who were in their 20s were my 2nd love, who I started dating when she was 16 and DC whom I dated a couple years ago. I always liked older women, even M one. Many females in their 20s enjoyed playing games... not attractive in my book. But now... at my age, and the last couple years I have dated younger. It's what the person's preference is... nothing more, nothing less.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Reading the profiles I came to believe everyone is super boring and clones of each other. They all like travel. They all like food. They are all simple girls. They all want their mister right.
> 
> And then they say "guys don't read my profile"... like, the fk? What material can we possibly use to initiate a conversation? lol
> 
> ...


I don't bother messaging men back who just write something like "hey, how's it going?". Read my profile; ask me a question about it so it shows that you read my profile. FWIW, my profile on Match is in-depth, and I'm sure it's scared away more than one guy. One guy I went on a few dates with even said when we first met that he knew exactly the kind of guy my ex husband was, and he knew exactly what I was/wasn't looking for. I've outlined who I am, what I can offer the right someone, and the type of man I'm looking for. When a guy contacts me and shows that he's read my lengthy profile, that says something. I also look for men who are grammatically correct, and don't use shorthand; that annoys me to no end!


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Ynot said:


> Yeah, that is one of the problems either OLD or IRL. People have this idea that they aren't allowed to make a mistake. So they don't take chances, instead they tend to look for what they think they had rather than looking at what is right in front of them. So they blow a lot of opportunities because they are looking for the ONE! I have dated tall and short, younger and older as well. Blonds, brunettes and red heads. I take chances. My only real firm criteria is that they take care of themselves. Nothing hacks me off more than arriving to meet some woman, that looks about 50 lbs heavier than their pics. Just like you only have one life, you also only have one body. If you can't even make the effort to take care of that, why on earth would I imagine you have taken care of anything else?


Those are what I call a walk out woman, because as soon as I saw her I'd turn around and leave!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ursula said:


> I don't bother messaging men back who just write something like "hey, how's it going?". Read my profile; ask me a question about it so it shows that you read my profile. FWIW, my profile on Match is in-depth, and I'm sure it's scared away more than one guy. One guy I went on a few dates with even said when we first met that he knew exactly the kind of guy my ex husband was, and he knew exactly what I was/wasn't looking for. I've outlined who I am, what I can offer the right someone, and the type of man I'm looking for. When a guy contacts me and shows that he's read my lengthy profile, that says something. I also look for men who are grammatically correct, and don't use shorthand; that annoys me to no end!


I do normally, hence 1-2 sentences, or a comment about the photo (if any are interesting) 

If nothing to go on by the profile or photos, I just go "hi!" ^^



Ynot said:


> I have found the opposite to be true. Most taller women prefer taller men. They like the fact that they can wear heels without dwarfing the guy they are with. The last woman I dated was 5'11" she loved the fact that I was taller than her.


We must live in two different worlds! Wait, we do! You're a freakin giant!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> I'm 5' 11". I'm not tall enough, either.
> 😁


You and @Ynot are tall enough for me!! I'm 5' 3-ish". Yeah, I need someone to reach the top shelf. :grin2:

FWIW though I do prefer taller men mostly because I like to feel protected. I went for coffee with a new man this weekend, and he said on his profile that he's 5' 6", which is a-okay. However, when we met, we're eye-to-eye, and I'm surely not 5' 6". This is the second guy who's stretched out the truth when it comes to height. What's up with that?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Ursula said:


> I don't bother messaging men back who just write something like "hey, how's it going?". Read my profile; ask me a question about it so it shows that you read my profile. FWIW, my profile on Match is in-depth, and I'm sure it's scared away more than one guy. One guy I went on a few dates with even said when we first met that he knew exactly the kind of guy my ex husband was, and he knew exactly what I was/wasn't looking for. I've outlined who I am, what I can offer the right someone, and the type of man I'm looking for. When a guy contacts me and shows that he's read my lengthy profile, that says something. I also look for men *who are grammatically correct, and don't use shorthand; that annoys me to no end!*


I agree here 100%...... hmu, hau, ur cute .... annoying as crap. Especially when I mention I am

attracted to intellectuals. More females read profiles than males. But there' s not as much

a difference today. Most "window shop" and like the pic, send message. Maybe that's why I kept

getting messages from people who did not want kids when I clearly stated, I do.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'm a little shorter than the average guy and never lie about it. If a woman brings it up because she's taller than me then I tease her about being a giant. But, it's never really been an issue at all. That's because I'm not insecure and approach dating with the idea that it's the woman's job to prove she's good enough for me, not the other way around (I already know I'm awesome and don't need her validation).


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Match was too overwhelming for me. I don’t like that anyone can see who is on it without joining it. I am only on eharmony.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Bananapeel said:


> I'm a little shorter than the average guy and never lie about it. If a woman brings it up because she's taller than me then I tease her about being a giant. But, it's never really been an issue at all. That's because I'm not insecure and approach dating with the idea that it's the woman's job to prove she's good enough for me, not the other way around (I already know I'm awesome and don't need her validation).


Yep...... had one female comment on my hair. Just smiled, said whatever. Ended up having an 

eight hour date. She was 5'9 so I could have very well replied with "your foot looks like a canoe"

Or your pic is not as recent as I would like. "I do not own a smartphone. Meet and take a couple."


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> If nothing to go on by the profile or photos, I just go "hi!" ^^


Statistically, a d1ck pic would probably work better than just a "hi."


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I used to get messages from all sorts of men who clearly hadn't read my profile, or even paid attention to the highlights in my preferences. Lots of uninspired or unintelligible messages, a few unsolicited **** picks, a few guys asking for more explicit photos of me, a handful who were clearly bitter and angry at all women for whatever their ex-wives had done, and at least one outright stalker with rage issues who I blocked and reported. But, mostly a lot of men in their mid-late 40's who were looking to start families, when I was clearly already in my late 30s, already had a child, and was specific that I was not interested in having more children of my own. 

So, eventually, I just hid my profile. The only way any man could even see me on Match was if I contacted him first. It drastically cut down on the number of messages I received, of course, but also allowed me to really filter for only those guys who I thought might actually be compatible with me. Doing it that way, I still managed to find several very nice men that I had anywhere from one to 4 dates with, plus one short term relationship. And, I met my SO that way. I sent him a wink or a like or some such so he could see my profile. He liked what he saw, contacted me back, we chatted for a few days then met for drinks. We've been together ever since.

Honestly, while I prefer to be pursued, I wasn't at all opposed to at least signaling interest to men I was interested in. And, while I did get rejected by a number of those men, it really wasn't all that upsetting. I was dating to have fun, meet interesting people, possibly find the right guy for me. So, I just assumed anyone who rejected me wasn't that guy. No harm, no foul.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Notself said:


> Statistically, a d1ck pic would probably work better than just a "hi."


I actually got replies with just a hi lol - not as often though

Besides for those profiles especially blank ones what else to write?

"I'm guessing you like travel and you like food?"


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> "I'm guessing you like travel and you like food?"


That sounds needlessly controversial. Best to start with something like "So ... you're a carbon-based life form that breathes oxygen? What a coincidence - so am I!"


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Notself said:


> That sounds needlessly controversial. Best to start with something like "So ... you're a carbon-based life form that breathes oxygen? What a coincidence - so am I!"




We’re totally a match!


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