# Good friends going through divorce and after divorce!?



## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

*We're becoming friends going through divorce and possibly afterward!?*

I changed the title to "We're becoming friends....!?", because I can't really say we are or will become "good" friends at this point in time. 

My W and I (married 22 yrs), are currently going through the divorce process. We want it over with and so do our kids (ages 16 & 18). However, we have also been going through counseling (even though we've been through it a yr before we separated), at our new pastors urging. We talk a lot and agree that we want to be friends for our sakes and the kids whether we get back together or not.

Sure we still argue at times, but ultimately, we've hashed and rehashed the unresolved issues so much that we're both tired of fighting. We want to be civil and talk about other things other than the issues. Therefore, we're agreeing to be friends. 

It's sad but true, that you can be friends with one another, but (because of various issues), cannot tolerate living together. That's the way it is with us. At some point it's just time to move on if you have a toxic relationship and can get along better apart, then together. 

I'd like to know if there are any other experiences out there similiar to mine?


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

My wife wants divorce, wants us to be friends and have sex on a regular basis.......WTF? And she continues to have her affair, no way for me. The only contact I have with her is when it concerns our son.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

I don't blame you sirch. It's difficult to be friends under these circumstances.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm friendly during the divorce process. My H would think we are friends. That is important to him. I would do anything for him and still love him. He feels the same about me. Not sure if we can continue to be friends...I'll have to play that by ear. If it becomes too difficult for me, then I will break the ties. 

I always wonder...if we can be friends and have kids and get along financially and personality wise...why not continue the marriage? My H is no longer "in love" and feels the grass is greener. 

I hope the your W and you can continue this journey in a healthy manner.


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## not4me (May 13, 2013)

My ex and I talk regularly because of our three sons and we promised and agreed that we wanted to be friendly for their sakes and do better because it is about them and not us; sort of. Pain still happens and often but we still work on trying to keep to our agreement


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

sirch said:


> My wife wants divorce, wants us to be friends and have sex on a regular basis.......WTF? And she continues to have her affair, no way for me. The only contact I have with her is when it concerns our son.


You've got to be kidding, what a nerve she has. Wants the best of both worlds with NO committment.

Tell her to take a hike.


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## LostInMT (Apr 24, 2013)

When my eW and I almost seperated we talked about being friends and maybe even trying to date and re-start our relationship.

She moved out with her friend for about a week and then we decided it was a bad idea. We wanted to stay together and work on things another way. Fast forward one month, she cheats on me and leaves me for POSOM.

No way in hell we will ever be friends now. 

To answer your question though Malibu, it does happen. Although it will most likely be a little more complicated and awkward than you thought.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Yeah, my STBXW wants to remain friends,...but I think she is pretty shallow to think that after all of this that I will want her as a friend. i wouldn't want a friend like this.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

My ex-harpy wanted to be "friends" too.

Don't fall for it. They only want friendship so that it softens their fall, and you're the one that they will land on.

Look up "Emotional hostage taking". That's basically what most are in for when their exes rip their hearts out, piss on them, puree them in a blender and set the ooze on fire, but still want to be your buddy after all of that.


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## rks1 (Jan 27, 2012)

My H and I are on good terms, though we are just starting the divorce process, and we live in different countries. I don't think we will ever really be friends, as we are too far away and don't have any kids. But I want to be on good terms with him. 100 years from now, both of us will be dead and gone... and I don't want to waste this life creating animosity with others. So I keep things pleasant whenever we communicate now, as I'd rather play nice rather than create bad memories for us to look back on. I'd still hope he remembers his time with me fondly. It's better to stay decent and classy.

I remember a story that was inspiring to me. About 6 months ago, I was working in surgery (I am a medical student) and we had a patient go into cardiac arrest on the table. (His body apparently couldn't handle the stress of the surgery.) One of the docs there had to give him CPR, though luckily he survived. It was a very stressful situation for all of us. When we went out to tell his family about his condition, only 1 lady was there... who happened to be his ex-wife. She was sad to hear of the news, though maintained composure. She said that they had been married for a long time, and even though they are divorced, they still pull through and help one another out through their older age (they were probably in their late 60s). Even though one may wonder why they couldn't have just stayed together... there may have been reasons, but at least it was good that they still help each other out. I thought it was sweet that she was still there to be there for him after surgery even though she was his ex-wife.

So there are still some people who maintain positive interaction with one another, even after divorce.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

My first husband and his wife and I have a weird and wonderful friendship. I have great respect for him..daddy to all my children. We made a pact after we got divorced to keep things civil for the kids sake...many years later..that progressed to true friendship. When I got out of hospital for an op this year..I went to their house and his wife looked after me. They both have been an incredible support with what's happened with hubby(defacto of fifteen years) number two. 
Second time around with my ex of nine months..there is no chance that any form of friendship is going to occur. Depends on the people and circumstance I guess.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

I guess people are different. I wouldn't want to hear from my ex just for the simple fact that I do believe in love, and marriage till death do us part. She blind sided me with D. But at the same time I don't hate her, I remember her fondly of her laughter, her smile and beautiful sparkly eyes.

haven't seen or heard from her in two years but truth be told I would never turn my back on her. I would be there for her if she needed me but after that I would go back to the shadows and be there from a silent distance, unseen but my heart still beating her name.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I am only being civil until I complete the D without ending up destitute.

At that point, I plan on venting the anger that simmers inside of me so I can continue to heal and look forward to my new life.:smthumbup:

Friend has a new meaning to me. I just have some real resentment towards so many people I thought were my friends but did not even stick up for me when my STBXW decided to throw away our 22 year marriage.

The future is so bright I have to wear shades,
Stretch


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