# Wife On Instagram All The Time



## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Quick back story, wife and I have both had a Twitter account for a few years now. I mostly use it to get news and to follow other things I'm into like Tech and stuff. Don't care much about people I don't know following me or liking my posts. I would occasionally post pictures of her and our kids. She used Twitter for healthy eating and the gym related stuff. We both agreed that we wouldn't get a Facebook, Instagram, or any of those other social media accounts. We both felt the same in that they weren't really good for a couple let alone a married couple. I've heard to many horror stories.

About a month ago she opened up an Instagram account. Well, according to her, her best friend opened it for her one day she came over our house. My wife says she doesn't even know the password. Fast forward to now, she is on it quite a lot. So much so that I've noticed a spike in her data usage on her phone specific to Instagram. Average monthly data use, about 2.25GB. Since getting Instagram, almost 4GB. I know the platform has a DM feature where she can chat on a one-on-one basis with people without it showing publicly. I am curious as to whether this is what she is doing and with whom. 

She has about a dozen people following her and her following back. Mostly family, friends, and a few coworkers. When I comment that she's on it a lot and how she has really come to enjoy it, she brushes it off as me being jealous, insecure, etc... I can see how nowadays Instagram and the many other social media sites are the "thing" and almost everybody is on it. But I just don't see the point in it. You post a picture and get likes.

Anyway, am I overreacting and thinking too much into it? Should I just go ahead and open my own account and like they say, "if you can't beat them, join them? I have family and friends that are on it and they all tell me I should open up an account. If I opened one, would she look at it as me only doing it because she did it?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I know it's childish but I took a good for the goose, good for the gander approach to social media. My wife got on FB first. She spent a lot of time on it. I countered that by also creating a profile and almost immediately my old girlfriend from high school friend'ed me and started chatting me up. Never anything inappropriate, we just chatted about life, kids, jobs, whatever. Friendly. My wife threw an absolute fit and then took FB away from both of us. I know that's not conventional wisdom but it worked for me.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

So, I understand you are in the CWI section, but I'm going to come at this from a non-cheating perspective.

I personally love Instagram. I have seen a lot of cool things, tried some new things from it and met a few interesting people just based on them tagging something I was interested in.

My husband is on instagram--90% of his business comes from him posting on there. We are friends with each other but no, you cannot see each others DMs. If you are sincerely worried about it, getting on won't stop it.

Out of all the social media platforms, instagram is the most positive in my experience. It really is a lot of pretty pictures and cool videos. If you want to get on, what does it matter if your wife thinks it's because she is on it? Take pretty pics of her, tag her in them and share with your fam.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

You use Twitter to nerd out... she uses it to look better. That's not good.

Then she gets on Instagram (lied about the friend and not knowing password). Not good.

Then she becomes addicted to the attention and shames you for questioning her. Not good.

You get to say whatever you feel to her. You get to request to look at her phone. You get to show you have boundaries and expectations for how your relationship will go. That's called being a spouse.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

VermiciousKnid said:


> I know it's childish but I took a good for the goose, good for the gander approach to social media. My wife got on FB first. She spent a lot of time on it. I countered that by also creating a profile and almost immediately my old girlfriend from high school friend'ed me and started chatting me up. Never anything inappropriate, we just chatted about life, kids, jobs, whatever. Friendly. My wife threw an absolute fit and then took FB away from both of us. I know that's not conventional wisdom but it worked for me.


Last thing I want is to cause conflict in my marriage. On the contrary, I am trying to prevent it as I can see how social media can cause problems. But what you have mentioned it the resolution I am trying to get out of this. I don't want to hook up with people on social media nor do I even want to have conversations with prior ex girlfriends, but I am sure I will have people from my past sending me requests and such. My hope is for her to see this and have a second thought about using social media by putting herself in my shoes.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

dadstartingover said:


> You use Twitter to nerd out... she uses it to look better. That's not good.
> 
> Then she gets on Instagram (lied about the friend and not knowing password). Not good.
> 
> ...


I didn't pick up on the twitter, but feel the same about the lying that she did not have the password and the shaming upon being questioned. I think those are two big flags. I don't know anything about the chat feature on IG. Even if she is not chatting, it seems like this new world she is creating is more important to her than treating you with consideration and respect.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

FrenchFry said:


> Take pretty pics of her, tag her in them and share with your fam.


Thanks for your reply. Your husband having a business and being on social media is crucial I'm sure for the growth and success of the business. My wife doesn't have a business. Shes in her mid 30s, and mother of two. I feel as though she gets satisfaction about people liking and commenting on her posts. I guess that's the whole point of it. Where I get my satisfaction from her and her only. 

Like I said, almost all of my posts on Twitter are about her and the kids. And I would always post super nice and sweet thing about her and tag her. She used to re-tweet, like, comment, ect... But since now her attention is on the gram, she doesn't see me tweets.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

dadstartingover said:


> You use Twitter to nerd out... she uses it to look better. That's not good.
> 
> Then she gets on Instagram (lied about the friend and not knowing password). Not good.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your reply. Not trying to defend her but her friends, good friends shes known since they were kids, have always asked her to get on IG. The friend that "opened" up the account for her is one of those friends. So this could in fact be true. But my thing is, if she never considered open up and account, why keep it. I brought this up and I think she said something about, "well, I like seeing what friends and family post".

Do I not have any say? Am I to just live with it now?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Anonymous19 said:


> Last thing I want is to cause conflict in my marriage. On the contrary, I am trying to prevent it as I can see how social media can cause problems. But what you have mentioned it the resolution I am trying to get out of this. I don't want to hook up with people on social media nor do I even want to have conversations with prior ex girlfriends, but I am sure I will have people from my past sending me requests and such. My hope is for her to see this and have a second thought about using social media by putting herself in my shoes.


You will. It can actually be annoying. I don't want to reconnect to every human being I've ever known. Maybe a tiny few but most, no. The ex girlfriend was one of those. Still, it would be massively rude to ignore their friend request so I accepted and chatted back when she started chatting me up. That put an end to all that really quick. We're back on social media but we share one account as a couple. Our FB account name is my first name + " and " + her first name + our last name. All our friends and family know it's a shared account.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Ask her to share the account.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

There's no way you could convince me that she's not lying about a 'friend' setting it up for her and her not knowing the password.

This doesn't necessarily mean you have to be worried, but...

Is she more protective of her phone now? Does she let you see what's on her instagram/share what she sees on it with you?

I've never used instagram, but it might have a logout feature which would require the user to enter a password to log back in. What would happen if, by some strange reason, instagram somehow magically got logged out?

I dunno, but there's that misogynistic side of me that is mumbling under its breath that she's just a little bit too concerned about getting attention from other people.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

I neglected to mention that we've had our share of issues in the past and I was partly to blame for some negative qualities: jealous, insecure, anger... I started therapy in mid November and I feel it's helped me in seeing things differently, recognizing my issues and working on getting better. Ultimately, bettering our marriage. So I am not perfect by no means. But she constantly throws my flaws in my face. God forbid I get upset about anything. Then I'm the hulk and the worst person in the world. Or if I were to comment on something like the Instagram stuff. Then I'm just being a jealous nut.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Ask her to share the account.


Thought about this but again, don't want to seem controlling, possessive, jealous. Especially since I already have those tags associated to me. It just doesn't help me feel any better or any less insecure when I'm thinking she could be using social media for her own gains and possible infidelity as I hear it's a big thing now.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

I'm in my mid-thirties and a mom too. I think people can get a little dark about social media when really, it's all determined by how you use it.

However: 



> Where I get my satisfaction from her and her only.


That's kind of concerning if it's not an exaggeration. No one person can be the sole source of anything.

Have you ever browsed her instagram?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks for your reply. Not trying to defend her but her friends, good friends shes known since they were kids, have always asked her to get on IG. The friend that "opened" up the account for her is one of those friends. So this could in fact be true. But my thing is, if she never considered open up and account, why keep it. I brought this up and I think she said something about, "well, I like seeing what friends and family post".
> 
> Do I not have any say? Am I to just live with it now?


For me, I see it as another outlet to stay connected. My W has FB and IG. Only spends time on it when we are not doing anything together. I do not have a IG. I have enough to look after and answer. Personally I would not worry about it. It is new and shiny to your W. New pics to see, etc. I will get less interesting over time.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thought about this but again, don't want to seem controlling, possessive, jealous. Especially since I already have those tags associated to me. It just doesn't help me feel any better or any less insecure when I'm thinking she could be using social media for her own gains and possible infidelity as I hear it's a big thing now.


It's not controlling, point blank.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

toblerone said:


> There's no way you could convince me that she's not lying about a 'friend' setting it up for her and her not knowing the password.
> 
> This doesn't necessarily mean you have to be worried, but...
> 
> ...


She is definitely more protective of her phone now. She takes it just about anywhere she goes. Even in the bathroom to just take a quick pee in which shes out in less than 2 minutes. I brought this up and of course, she said its all me, and my jealousy. I have gone through her phone a few times before. And she used to have no problem with me going through it. She says she doesn't have anything to hide. But since starting therapy I have tried to not snoop as it's not recommended by my therapist.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

FrenchFry said:


> I'm in my mid-thirties and a mom too. I think people can get a little dark about social media when really, it's all determined by how you use it.
> 
> However:
> 
> ...


Yeah, I know. That's another thing I am working on changing. We are new in town so haven't established any new friendships yet. 

I have browsed her IG but haven't really noticed anything bad. That I can see at least. Mostly family of hers and friends from back in NY where we lived. She could be deleting stuff though before I've been able to see it. Also, her account is still public as of now, so hopefully that's a good sign. Wondering if she'll make it private soon.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Anonymous19 said:


> She is definitely more protective of her phone now. She takes it just about anywhere she goes. Even in the bathroom to just take a quick pee in which shes out in less than 2 minutes. I brought this up and of course, she said its all me, and my jealousy. I have gone through her phone a few times before. And she used to have no problem with me going through it. She says she doesn't have anything to hide. But since starting therapy I have tried to not snoop as it's not recommended by my therapist.


If your wife has changed the boundaries of the relationship to include locking the phone, taking it in the bathroom and blame-shifting your concerns your therapist is an idiot if they think your snooping is a problem.

Of course you should snoop . How else are you going to protect your marriage? She has changed the boundaries. Now you change yours by snooping.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Anonymous19 said:


> Yeah, I know. That's another thing I am working on changing. We are new in town so haven't established any new friendships yet.
> 
> I have browsed her IG but haven't really noticed anything bad. That I can see at least. Mostly family of hers and friends from back in NY where we lived. She could be deleting stuff though before I've been able to see it. Also, her account is still public as of now, so hopefully that's a good sign. Wondering if she'll make it private soon.


Just take the phone and walk away. Data dump it. Find whats deleted.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

*backs away* 

Have at it!


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Whatever you do don't let her reset phone to factory settings.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks for your reply. Your husband having a business and being on social media is crucial I'm sure for the growth and success of the business. My wife doesn't have a business. Shes in her mid 30s, and mother of two. I feel as though she gets satisfaction about people liking and commenting on her posts. I guess that's the whole point of it. Where *I get my satisfaction from her and her only*.
> 
> Like I said, almost all of my posts on Twitter are about her and the kids. And I would always post super nice and sweet thing about her and tag her. She used to re-tweet, like, comment, ect... But since now her attention is on the gram, she doesn't see me tweets.


I'm not saying that your wife isn't displaying some red flags, but the bolded above is a problem that you need to fix. With this attitude, you're seriously risking your wife losing respect for you, and all the unpleasant things that follow that.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Definitely get on the account asap and friends her...that is number 1, second I would it make very clear to her that she doesn't get to pull that jealousy card that is crap...so you tell her in no uncertain terms that there is no hiding stuff from each other and if she has nothing to hide then why guard her phone that is not going to fly..


Also that is a lot if data......something is not adding up you need to down load the content of the phone...does she back it up to the cloud...while she is sleeping I would get access to it.

If she has a gmail account that is automatically backed up.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Anonymous19 said:


> She is definitely more protective of her phone now. She takes it just about anywhere she goes. Even in the bathroom to just take a quick pee in which shes out in less than 2 minutes. I brought this up and of course, she said its all me, and my jealousy. I have gone through her phone a few times before. And she used to have no problem with me going through it. She says she doesn't have anything to hide. But since starting therapy I have tried to not snoop as it's not recommended by my therapist.


I had a therapist tell me that I was wrong to snoop once. It was during a session with my ex, after I caught her obsessing over some dude at the gym. She nodded knowingly while he was explaining the concept to me. I laughed at both of them, and said I would stop at nothing to find the truth about what's going on in my marriage. A year later I caught her cheating again, and we divorced.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Thank u all for your reply and feedback.

Here is some other background info. I work in IT so I am fairly savvy when it comes to tech. She on the other hand is not. i.e. she has needed help numerous times adding an attachment to an email. I have access to her gmail, her twitter, her iphone's passcode, her iCloud, were are on the same phone family plan and I manage the account/pay the bill, etc... The only thing I don't have access to is the IG because like I said before, she says she doesn't even know the password. Yes, I can ask her to reset it and share the password with me, as I already have access to just about everything else, but just don't want to hear her say, "here we go with your jealousy". I can hear her saying it and getting defensive.

I haven't found anything bad on any of the mentioned above. but lately with the guarding her phone and high usage of IG, it's really bugging me and making me feel like something is up. My 13 yr old son has an IG and she follows him and vice versa. So I would like to say that it would be crazy of her to be doing anything wrong that would make him look at his mom is a negative way. But then there's that dam DM function. Granted, its also a function of Twitter, but I had access to that.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe not. Sorry If I'm just going on and on. Didn't post on here to necessarily get a definite answer as to whether she is doing something bad or not. But I like this site for getting other people's opinions and feedback.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Anonymous19 said:


> I neglected to mention that we've had our share of issues in the past and I was partly to blame for some negative qualities: jealous, insecure, anger... I started therapy in mid November and I feel it's helped me in seeing things differently, recognizing my issues and working on getting better. Ultimately, bettering our marriage. So I am not perfect by no means. But she constantly throws my flaws in my face. God forbid I get upset about anything. Then I'm the hulk and the worst person in the world. Or if I were to comment on something like the Instagram stuff. Then I'm just being a jealous nut.


As an auto goes down the road, it just gets older, not smarter, gets more beat up as it hits the ever-present bumps in the road.

As you post more and more, parts and pieces are falling off your car and into our lap.

At first blush I was not worried. But as you write more, I worry more.
It sounds like she has lost some love, some respect for you.
She is vulnerable for naughty behavior, getting more so daily.

In your case I would worry too, three, four...someday out the door, I hope not.

................................................................................................................................

My family is preoccupied with communicating with their phone. And they are not cheats.

And every day banter about what is what, what is happening. Mostly on Facebook.
I do not use Face Book, I have an account. My H.S. flames are trying to set my pants on fire. Hence, I avoid the temptation. Hell, I get in enough trouble on TAM.
................................................................................................................................

My wife?
She is on FB often.
Mostly offing up political and moral rants about Washington's and Hollywood's finest.
...............................................................................................................................

Be worried. Not panic time yet.

SCM-


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Why are you paranoid? Do you have confidence in yourself? Is your wife a 8 and you're a 3? Most people have social media accounts and healthy relationships result in the partners not getting insecure. 

So, you've had some issues in your marriage. Are you being up front with us? How healthy is your marriage? Are you two intimate frequently and in love? Is all of her needs being met by you (sexual, emotional, financial, security, etc)? Has she told you she isn't in love with you anymore?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Does she use her phone for calls.

Buy a voice activated recorder at Best Buy. Buy two.

place: 
One in the place she likes to sit and talk.
One hidden in her car.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> Why are you paranoid? Do you have confidence in yourself? Is your wife a 8 and you're a 3? Most people have social media accounts and healthy relationships result in the partners not getting insecure.
> 
> So, you've had some issues in your marriage. Are you being up front with us? How healthy is your marriage? Are you two intimate frequently and in love? Is all of her needs being met by you (sexual, emotional, financial, security, etc)? Has she told you she isn't in love with you anymore?


I am being as up front as I can be. If you look at my original post when I became a forum member, you'll get a long detailed history of our relationship. I would say our marriage is healthy but can be improved. Not perfect. Then again, what marriage/relationship is. For the issues I started going to therapy as I value my marriage and family and will do anything in my power to make it better. 

I love her, she says she loves me. I am in love with her, sometimes I question if she is in love with me. We are intimate, not as much as I would like. My sex drive is much higher than hers. I would like to have sex every day, multiple times a day if it were up to me. I love her body and I am always telling her that. She makes comments about being fat and not looking her best. I quickly tell her that's not true and how she is beautiful and amazing. Sometimes she's very much in the mood for sex, and sometimes it's nothing and days can go by. I initiate about 80% of the times. She says no about half the times. i.e. shes tired, not in the mood, etc... At times I feel like I'm last on her list and not much of a priority. She loves going to the gym, 3-4 times a week on average.

We are both financially secured, good jobs, IT and Medical field. She has never said she's not in love with me anymore but has mentioned that when we fight I make it much harder for her to stay in love with me. Not sure if that's woman talk for not being in love. 

When things are good, they're great. When we fight, it's hell.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If all you’ve done to earn the “jealous and insecure” label is to point out that she’s on Instagram a lot...

...well, you might want to start digging.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thank u all for your reply and feedback.
> 
> Here is some other background info. I work in IT so I am fairly savvy when it comes to tech. She on the other hand is not. i.e. she has needed help numerous times adding an attachment to an email. I have access to her gmail, her twitter, her iphone's passcode, her iCloud, were are on the same phone family plan and I manage the account/pay the bill, etc... The only thing I don't have access to is the IG because like I said before, she says she doesn't even know the password. Yes, I can ask her to reset it and share the password with me, as I already have access to just about everything else, but just don't want to hear her say, "here we go with your jealousy". I can hear her saying it and getting defensive.
> 
> ...


I say pigs anus on her not knowing the password. Reset it right in front of her, Hand her the 2.5GB increase in data bill and tell her you are checking to see if account has been hacked. She squawks tell her you are dead serious. Tell her hackers may be VPN'ing or sending bots off her phone undermining national security. 

Don't even ask, Just do it.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Not knowing much of your back story at first it would appear that the opening of an Instagram account is harmless. However the new guarding of the phone habit she has developed is of concern. You need to address this quickly and discreetly. If you are really that worried buy Webwatcher mobile and set it up. Since you say you know her Apple ID it won't be a problem. 

Then you will find out quick smart who she is chatting too and if anything sneaky is going on. The problem when people find a love for social media is it opens up a path way to ex boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. It is very possible she is chatting to someone in the privacy of Instagram given she knows you have access to her other accounts.

Install Webwatcher and monitor discreetly.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks for your reply. Not trying to defend her but her friends, good friends shes known since they were kids, have always asked her to get on IG. The friend that "opened" up the account for her is one of those friends. So this could in fact be true. But my thing is, if she never considered open up and account, why keep it. I brought this up and I think she said something about, "well, I like seeing what friends and family post".
> 
> Do I not have any say? Am I to just live with it now?


You're afraid of conflict. You don't want to rock the boat. This is extremely extremely extremely unattractive and will get you in major trouble. Your wife is not willing to put up boundaries to her behavior so you have to do it for her. 

If you were to grab her phone and run with it and read everything, it would probably crush you. You are one of about a bazillion dudes who have infidelity stories that start this way.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

" I feel as though she gets satisfaction about people liking and commenting on her posts"

that is EXACTLY the point. It is a pavolvian response....you post something or post a picture, get a few likes, and away you go. you crave more likes. But a LOT of people do just that. Heck even here you can check on your "likes" when you post something. Without any additional telltale signs, i would not worry about instagram at all


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I take my phone with me to the bathroom too. I get bored in there.

Full transparency.

She should sit and listen to you when you have an issue.

If you have an issue and there is no problem then she should gladly hand over her phone. 

Have you asked to be able to review everything?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Anonymous19 said:


> Quick back story, wife and I have both had a Twitter account for a few years now. I mostly use it to get news and to follow other things I'm into like Tech and stuff. Don't care much about people I don't know following me or liking my posts. I would occasionally post pictures of her and our kids. She used Twitter for healthy eating and the gym related stuff. We both agreed that we wouldn't get a Facebook, Instagram, or any of those other social media accounts. We both felt the same in that they weren't really good for a couple let alone a married couple. I've heard to many horror stories.
> 
> About a month ago she opened up an Instagram account. Well, according to her, her best friend opened it for her one day she came over our house. My wife says she doesn't even know the password. Fast forward to now, she is on it quite a lot. So much so that I've noticed a spike in her data usage on her phone specific to Instagram. Average monthly data use, about 2.25GB. Since getting Instagram, almost 4GB. I know the platform has a DM feature where she can chat on a one-on-one basis with people without it showing publicly. I am curious as to whether this is what she is doing and with whom.
> 
> ...


Why did she automatically come back with you are just jealous and insecure when you joked about her enjoying it?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Anonymous19 said:


> Last thing I want is to cause conflict in my marriage. On the contrary, I am trying to prevent it as I can see how social media can cause problems. But what you have mentioned it the resolution I am trying to get out of this. I don't want to hook up with people on social media nor do I even want to have conversations with prior ex girlfriends, but I am sure I will have people from my past sending me requests and such. My hope is for her to see this and have a second thought about using social media by putting herself in my shoes.


Looking the other way when she flat out lies to you then shames you when you try and bring it up is not healthy for the relationship either. Actually it is more harmful then you can think.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I'm trying to think of how I'd handle this. First, I trust my wife. She's got FB, Twitter, Instragram, and Slack accounts. Of those, I'm only on FB, so I have no idea what she does with the others. I trust her, so I don't worry about it.If she wanted to cheat, I doubt that my being more controlling of how she communicates would help me.

You seem insecure and controlling. "Where I get my satisfaction from her and her only." - That's not healthy. That's not a path towards a healthy marriage. That's a path towards isolation.

Her comment about not knowing the password is weird and probably either a lie or a distortion of the truth. Perhaps she intentionally had her friend set it up that way so that she could tell you that without lying. As has been stated, that's easy to fix.

I'm not even sure why it is an issue. If you want to see what's on their, just look at her phone. Tell her that you are insecure and that this is driving you crazy and that if she'll just hand you her unlocked phone and let you look at her Instragram stuff, you'll feel better. It'll make her think less of you because it will emphasize your insecurity, but it's a way to force the issue out into the open and deal with it.

You clearly don't trust your wife. I can't imagine a happy and healthy marriage without a reasonable level of trust. I don't snoop through my wife's stuff and she doesn't snoop through mine, but neither would hesitate if the other felt insecure and asked to see something. In our case, we can unlock each others phones and often do for things like responding to texts while the person receiving the text is driving.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

With everything you have come across with. I believe your wife is cheating on you. 

Best of luck finding out when and where she is doing it.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

Anonymous19 said:


> Where I get my satisfaction from her and her only.


I agree with a couple of other posters who pointed this out as an issue. Your wife is not obligated to derive all of her happiness from you. That is an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation. Even as spouses, you cannot be all things to her, nor can she be all things to you. She will get happiness and satisfaction from family, friends, pets, work, hobbies, etc. in addition to you, and there is nothing wrong with that. And you should do the same.

More generally, I think you would be making a mistake to follow the advice of posters who are telling you to engage in controlling or overbearing behaviors. They are not helping you. As long as you don't have any actual evidence of infidelity, you should leave well enough alone. Let her be happy in a way that doesn't involve you. It won't be the end of the world.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> If all you’ve done to earn the “jealous and insecure” label is to point out that she’s on Instagram a lot...
> 
> ...well, you might want to start digging.


But it's not, though. He said it himself, that he "earned" that label in the years prior to her use of Instagram.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ghost Rider said:


> But it's not, though. He said it himself, that he "earned" that label in the years prior to her use of Instagram.


Must not have been in the first post.

I’d encourage him to dig either way.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Lol Horse...led.. something something

Waiting till page 10 when the forum has him convinced she's fully cheating


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Thanks to all again who have replied and provided their feedback.

Last night I asked her for her phone and she didn't hesitate to hand it to me. I have her passcode to unlock it so didn't need it. Went through it from A to Z and didn't find anything bad. Text messages, pictures, gmail, Instagram, etc... I enabled the find my friend feature on her iPhone so it shares her location with me. She said if that helps me in any way, then she doesn't have an issue with handing it over whenever I choose. She says she doesn't have anything to hide. 

Her usual routine is, go to work (she's a nurse), then the gym after work (about 2-3 times a week on average), then come home and cook (on most days or we order take out). So she's not going out or staying late at work or other stuff that would be more obvious signs of infidelity. Again, I have access to just about all her accounts and before I looked at her phone, I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to see. 

The IG was the most concerning thing I wanted to see. Saw one DM, it was a group chat with some girlfriends, all of which I know. Nothing bad in the chat. Unless she can delete some of her replies in the conversation. Same thing with the texts. If she deletes them after sending them.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks to all again who have replied and provided their feedback.
> 
> Last night I asked her for her phone and she didn't hesitate to hand it to me. I have her passcode to unlock it so didn't need it. Went through it from A to Z and didn't find anything bad. Text messages, pictures, gmail, Instagram, etc... I enabled the find my friend feature on her iPhone so it shares her location with me. She said if that helps me in any way, then she doesn't have an issue with handing it over whenever I choose. She says she doesn't have anything to hide.
> 
> ...


I needed to point this out. Do you know she's at the gym working out? Or you just assume so because she comes home freshly showered?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like much ado about nothing. One last check is maybe Dr Fone the phone if it keeps you crazy. When you find nothing take her out to a romantic dinner, flowers nice hotel and Instagram that on your own account. MAke sure she sees. #BestWifeEver,#LoveMyWife etc.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks to all again who have replied and provided their feedback.
> 
> Last night I asked her for her phone and she didn't hesitate to hand it to me. I have her passcode to unlock it so didn't need it. Went through it from A to Z and didn't find anything bad. Text messages, pictures, gmail, Instagram, etc... I enabled the find my friend feature on her iPhone so it shares her location with me. She said if that helps me in any way, then she doesn't have an issue with handing it over whenever I choose. She says she doesn't have anything to hide.
> 
> ...


Sorry hospital or Dr office, way to many places one can cheat.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

What happened in the past that has your wife calling jealous and insecure?


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## toucheturtle (Nov 12, 2017)

I hope everything works out well for you.infedility has gone high tech.I challenge you to check out stealth apps threw goggle and get to know what they are.a partner can erase a text message by just waving their phone and handing it to you with a smile.I read many stories of invisible apps that look like apps on the front but beneath are the one that they use to talk to their partner.I heard a story of a woman who was using an email coupon account from a local food store/not on the phone/.I heard of ap talking to each other on linked.the good book says be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

Anonymous19 said:


> Thanks to all again who have replied and provided their feedback.
> 
> Last night I asked her for her phone and she didn't hesitate to hand it to me. I have her passcode to unlock it so didn't need it. Went through it from A to Z and didn't find anything bad. Text messages, pictures, gmail, Instagram, etc... I enabled the find my friend feature on her iPhone so it shares her location with me. She said if that helps me in any way, then she doesn't have an issue with handing it over whenever I choose. She says she doesn't have anything to hide.
> 
> ...


She did the right thing. Now it's up to you to do the right thing as well. Unreasonable jealousy is just as bad for a marriage as an actual affair.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

The most concerning thing is that you both agreed not to have IG, then she just did it on her own and got addictive without a word to you first. Yeah, yeah, the girlfriend did it, so of course your wife HAD to go on IG. Apparently she's only half an adult, if a friend says to do it, she has to do it. So that whole startup of the IG is messed up.

The next most concerning is her addiction to it. Taking it in the bathroom, and I think you said she seems to be a little secretive when she's using it. Yeah, giving you the phone is different than actually watching while she's on the screen.

All that said, you are not doing yourself any favor by being all over it. One, if she is cheating or wanting to, that is an extremely unattractive demeanor (I think). I don't want to be telling what women like, but I know a whole bunch of them (my sisters, my wife, and their friends), and none that I know are attracted to guys who are insecure (NOT CONFIDENT). Two, by yapping about it and doing nothing makes you look further less attractive, because you look like a whiner. If it's a problem, make your stand and stick to it. If it's not a problem, then let it slide and stop complaining and bothering her about it. Three, if she knows you're all over her, if she wants to cheat, she'll hide it much better.

The top red flag of cheating these days is hiding or guarding the phone, taking it in the bathroom even, and even putting it under the pillow while asleep. Being distant and cold, or overly annoyed by you, is probably the flag that the cheater can't control. Other flags are changes to make herself more attractive sexually, like losing weight, working out, buying sexier clothes, lingerie, grooming, etc. If she already was working out and nothing changes, that's not a red flag. And then if she starts telling stories that don't make sense - she's running to the convenience store for milk and she's gone for two hours - stuff like that.

My opinion - most cheaters are easy to catch, the only reason loyal spouses don't catch them for a while is because the loyal spouse is extremely trusting and say "my spouse loves me and would NEVER do that."

You already have issues about not quite trusting her. Is that from her behavior or do you really think it's all in your head in the past? Sometimes people say they're controlling or jealous, but when you look at the circumstance, that is how they SHOULD feel given the other spouse's behavior. While sometimes, people for whatever reason, truly is not a trusting person, maybe from past experiences are being carried forward to the future.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

To me its one of those: asked and answered" She let you look found nothing there...move on...


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

So she gave him her phone and nothing...

Don't worry someone will be here in short time to tell the OP to look under his bed smh.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

BobSimmons said:


> So she gave him her phone and nothing...
> 
> Don't worry someone will be here in short time to tell the OP to look under his bed smh.


Yes, they already have. An app that deletes text messages when you wave the phone. My god.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've deleted some posting that amount to arguing between members to the point of telling people to shut up.

Be polite to each other.

From here on out, only post directly to the OP.

Anyone who continues the argument will enjoy a few days time-out ban.

{Speaking as a moderator}


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

manwithnoname said:


> I needed to point this out. Do you know she's at the gym working out? Or you just assume so because she comes home freshly showered?


I know she's at the gym working out because I can track her location via her phone. Also, the gym is very close to where we live (community gym), and I've gone to see if she's there and she has. She doesn't shower at the gym. She says she doesn't like to use the showers there. So she showers when she gets home.


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

I know you are trying to be proactive with the social media. But my feelings are if she wants to cheat or do anything not appropriate she will do it. You could always take the approach that we are going over the data and to keep it down because it is costing us money. Either way I wouldn't get too much into it if you haven't had any issues in the past.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since you have been here awhile have you read MARRIED MAN SEX
LIFE PRIMER, HOLD ON TO YOUR N.U.T.S, NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY among others? There are at least three or four red flags going on here but actually, the biggest problem seems to be your dependence on her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

As a matter of fact I went back to look at your other thread. 

The biggest red flag of all is your behavior. You were given great advice on that thread, how much did you take. You basically described yourself as an overweight, out of shape, hermit. You need to get a life. If you had read the books I pointed out you would know you are indeed pushing your wife away. It amazes me how people get married and then selfishly make themselves unattractive then wonder why their spouse isn’t following them around like a puppy dog.

Get off your ass and be somebody.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> As a matter of fact I went back to look at your other thread.
> 
> The biggest red flag of all is your behavior. You were given great advice on that thread, how much did you take. You basically described yourself as an overweight, out of shape, hermit. You need to get a life. If you had read the books I pointed out you would know you are indeed pushing your wife away. It amazes me how people get married and then selfishly make themselves unattractive then wonder why their spouse isn’t following them around like a puppy dog.
> 
> Get off your ass and be somebody.


:iagree:Oh yeah!!!

:smthumbup:


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## sarahPol (Jun 19, 2020)

Personally, I think that you can't ignore social media nowadays, especially popular platforms, such as Instagram. I think that everyone should have a profile not only for showing off, but for running business. Instagram is a great place to start promoting it. In order to start confidently , you can use the services of Instagram views, auto likes to warm up the audience. Believe me, this will give a good base to grow your business and earn good money. So, why should you hesitate? Take the opportunity which was given to each of us!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Zombie thread closed


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