# Husband refuses to deal with finances and untangling the money



## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

We have been separated for 6 months. We both talked about being amicable and working this out with the least amount of cost possible. He mentioned that he didn't want to go lawyers right away because we could do a lot of the grunt work ourselves, i.e. compiling lists of assets, expenditures etc etc so we don't pay a lawyer to do this. I agreed. I have done a spreadsheet, gone to my lawyer and he has had me complete a financial declaration. Back in June H said he'd have it done in a week, I keep asking him and he keeps ignoring my emails, or he replies with a quick "I'll work on it this week". Then nothing. 

I finally broke down and went to my lawyer last week to ask him if there was any way to push him to get this done and he says the only thing we can do is "file". Ie filing the initial paperwork which is the same paperwork we file if we are divorcing, but where I live, you have to be physically separated for 1 year to file for divorce. Anyhow, if he files this initial document, H will have to follow a timeline for submitting his documents. 

I keep emailing him and asking him to please provide the documentation but he simply doesn't and keeps blowing me off. He's told me in the past that it's very emotional, and this is why he can't cope with doing this, however he's living in the family home so he also has no incentive to get this moving because it will either mean he has to re-mortgage the house so he can pay me out, or it will mean selling the house. In the mean time I'm living in a tiny flat 1/3 of the size of our house, and it's getting pretty tight when the girls come over with the dog. 

Have any of you had success with any kind of communication which worked in this scenario other than going the lawyer route? 

Thanks


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I was in a similar situation to yours. My exH was just too busy chasing women, going on vacations and spending our money to bother with a divorce. I didn’t want to bother with the court process of filing motions to force him to comply because it’s expensive and time consuming. Ours was a simple divorce, no child support, no alimony, split assets 50/50 and put our businesses in a trust (which was long since done).

And so, as he was about to leave on yet another vacation I told him that if he had not submitted/signed/notarized the marital separation agreement by the time he came back from vacation that he would find me living in our house (he still lived there) upon his return and, I would stay until he did so. He signed _before _he left (after futzing around for almost 3 years) … I guess he didn’t want a “wife” at home … might interfere with his lifestyle. :rofl:

My advice to you is to stop begging him to cooperate and think of something he will not want to happen and then threaten him with that something. Worked for me, wish I thought of that tactic sooner.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Keenwa said:


> Have any of you had success with any kind of communication which worked in this scenario other than going the lawyer route?


Nope. No success playing nice during my divorce. Tried but failed.

Ended up hiring a bulldog lawyer who raked him over the coals. Not to mention emptied his wallet.

Interestingly, post-divorce we're quite friendly and are superb at co-parenting. We're on the same page with kid issues, and always were.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

When someone can't play nice, you don't bend over forwards and backwards for them.


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## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

Yeah that's what I figured. I thought I'd give him one last chance. The lawyer says that "filing" the paperwork is not an extra cost if you plan on divorcing because it's the same paperwork needed for that. However what it does is puts it in the legal system and forces the other party to comply with timelines. So it sounds like it might be the only way to go. I have now asked him 5 times in the past 2 weeks to give me a date when he will have his financial statements completed and he is not willing to give me a date, he replies with vague statements like "I'll start compiling documents and let you know when I have more info". Etc.


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