# Does gender of MC matter?



## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

I'm responsible for finding a MC for us. Wife wants me to make sure it's a female counselor.

For those who've been to multiple MCs in the past, do you find female counselor to generally take a different approach from male counselors?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We've only been to a female MC and while my husband did worry that she would take my side his fears were quickly laid to rest as she laid into me almost immediately. LOL

I'm joking she was nice but most of the problems were on me and she did point that out. She was unbiased and we love her.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

We went to a male originally and he was not very good. That does not mean all males are not very good. Our female one we have had for 6 months is good and we both agreed on her which was the key.

I don't think the sex of the MC is as important as that you both agree that the one you choose is a good fit. Keep searching till you both agree, it is worth it.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

My H actually requested I find a female counselor so I don't feel like it's 2 against 1 with a male. I've never been though so I have no experience. I made my first appointment which is in a few weeks.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Depends on where you live and what values the society around you has and also the kind of problems you're facing in your marriage.

If you're a man concerned about the respect you're getting from your wife, chances are you will feel more comfortable discussing such concerns with a male counselor. On the other hand, if your wife is struggling with feminine needs she will be more comfortable with a female.

In general, in the western society, I personally find male counselors more "pro marriage" and realistic than the female ones. This is related to the set of beliefs that the feminist movements of the past 40 years have injected into women's minds. Most women have now been programmed to think of men as "insensitive" and "shallow". This doesn't necessarily stop them from marrying those men, but it has a vital effect on the level of respect they are willing to commit to toward their husband.

So in short, if you do go to a female counselor, make sure you're not encouraged to pull back on your desire for absolute respect as a man (not just a husband, father or a household item). Make sure the counselor is completely understanding of your territorial, sexual and alpha behaviors. If you feel like you're being told to be "less of a man", avoid continuing with that counselor.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Only tried a male, didnt really worry about the gender. I picked just because he was free right away and my insurance covered it all but as expected she refused to go to MC, becausee well i dont know why, she never would explain....doesnt like sharing her problems, or maybe she just doesnt liek talking about them in general...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm sure the ratio of good/bad counsellors is equal between both genders. I think the gender probably does matter to everyone, some people can confide more easily with women, some in men. However picking the gender is only one little thing about them and can actually mask more important things. For example, my ex and I went to MC almost a year before our separation, she was female and I just automatically put a lot of faith in her because I felt it was the end of the line... a year later after I started coming to this site I was kicking myself for not recognizing the significance of the personal details of that counsellor - she was not only female, she was a lesbian, feminist and obese (I think all issues that don't really lend themselves to understanding the primal dynamics in a marriage between a man and a woman - I'm sure she scoffed at _His Needs Her Needs_). My ex saw that MC as last ditch effort and it didn't work... so make sure your MC truly understands your issue and doesn't try forcing a generic "communication issues" solution of simply talking more upon you.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

I went to three MC with my wife.. Two women and a man..

Woman one told us no one interupts anyone in here, but she can if she wants to... and they lets my wife talk over me and yell at me.. then the MC asks me to be quiet..The man was the opposite...

The last woman was great to both of us.


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