# Separation Anxiety from Baby & Resentful Towards Husband



## oneloveforlj (Jul 8, 2009)

I am not happy with my 15 month old spending the night 2.5hrs away at his father's grandmother's. My husband is off and wanted to take him for a visit. It's not that I don't trust my husband, but this is the first time I've been separated from him. He breastfed exclusively for the first year and still twice a day..morn and night. I was willing to compromise and allow him to take him to spend one night away to visit with his family, but my husband was unwilling to compromise. He insisted on staying 2 nights. Because we'd had this argument before when he was only 6 months old and breastfeeding exclusively, I finally gave in because I didn't want to deal with the same drama and relationship meltdown and maintain a peaceful home. I cried all the way into work today and at times at work found myself holding back tears that only fell. I am now just angry and resentful because my husband wasn't willing to compromise and has been so insensitive. He feels like he needed to prove a point since the last time he couldn't win on that one. This is definitely something driving a wedge between us. He thinks I'm being a dictator and controlling by not wanting him to travel alone with our son and wants to show that he can be a father and take care of him away from me...why that is necessary, I don't know. I told him I just wanted to take baby steps and one day at a time. I'm so upset with him for being so insensitive. I even offered to go with them, but he wanted to do it alone.

Am I being unreasonable?


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## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

I guess it would have been nice if he compromised since it's very hard for you. But by compromise I mean by letting you go with them, but it seems like his issue may be that you don't like it when he goes anywhere alone with the baby?

If that were the case then at the same time there has to be some sort of trust right?

Are you able to call him while he is away? Calling helps me relax because I have some sort of separation anxiety too, and it helps to be able to check up on them.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I think you do have sep anxiety and you need to work on it as it seems a bit "over the top". The child is with his father and your dh has just as much "say" over these overnights as you. Besides, your CHILD needs to learn being away from you, too, and trusting his own father to be there, without you.

Some sep anxiety is natural and one must learn to be adult about it and realistic. If YOU show such anxiety it is BAD for your CHILD, you will transfer your anxiety to the child! You must show a confident, happy face toward anticipation of the trip, for the sake of your child. Whether you are anxiety ridden or not, you must not let on to the child that you feel this way.

You must just kiss him goodbye at the door, tell him how fun his trip will be, and off he goes! NO TEARS and SADNESS.

You must teach growing up and separating and it begins from very early on....day one. Your goal as a mother is to teach INDEPENDENCE from YOU.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

It is no wonder this issue is driving a wedge between you and DH, I think you are truly being very unreasonable. Your DH has the right to go to his Grandmother's alone with the child!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> It is no wonder this issue is driving a wedge between you and DH, I think you are truly being very unreasonable. Your DH has the right to go to his Grandmother's alone with the child!


:iagree: I agree with both of Sandy's posts. Although I think some sensitivity and understanding from your husband was warranted.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

oneloveforlj said:


> I am not happy with my 15 month old spending the night 2.5hrs away at his father's grandmother's. My husband is off and wanted to take him for a visit. It's not that I don't trust my husband, but this is the first time I've been separated from him. He breastfed exclusively for the first year and still twice a day..morn and night. I was willing to compromise and allow him to take him to spend one night away to visit with his family, but my husband was unwilling to compromise. He insisted on staying 2 nights. Because we'd had this argument before when he was only 6 months old and breastfeeding exclusively, I finally gave in because I didn't want to deal with the same drama and relationship meltdown and maintain a peaceful home. I cried all the way into work today and at times at work found myself holding back tears that only fell. I am now just angry and resentful because my husband wasn't willing to compromise and has been so insensitive. He feels like he needed to prove a point since the last time he couldn't win on that one. This is definitely something driving a wedge between us. He thinks I'm being a dictator and controlling by not wanting him to travel alone with our son and wants to show that he can be a father and take care of him away from me...why that is necessary, I don't know. I told him I just wanted to take baby steps and one day at a time. I'm so upset with him for being so insensitive. I even offered to go with them, but he wanted to do it alone.
> 
> Am I being unreasonable?



yes I feel you are. Your baby is 15 months old.
If you want to keep breastfeeding, you should get a breast pump for times like that.
I feel you should be glad for some alone time and that your husband is capable to care for the child overnight and that the child has caring grandparents who want to see the child.

Just being honest. Your actions are controlling and overly sensitive. You need to begin to allow your child to be alone with his father from time to time and have some alone time to yourself without all the drama.


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## smiley (Jul 15, 2009)

You are NOT being unreasonable to suggest a compromise on one night instead of two, especially if it's baby's first time away. Starting gradually w/overnight visits is a perfectly reasonable suggestion in and of itself. Perhaps your husband wants to assert some input here to show he is as actively involved as you are (which, sorry to say, is generally not the case with a 15 month old- exceptions noted). You likely share a strong bond with that baby, you gave birth to him and you ARE still nursing which is about more than mere nutritional needs.

NOW- I do think it should be perfectly cool with you for hubby to drive baby alone. I think, especially since he is a son, that time with Dad and Dad's input and involvement should be given increased appreciation. Your baby's going to start identifying w/Daddy more and you less in the coming months. (I've got three boys). I would support that if I were you and think about weaning baby from your side in the near future so Dad can take a more active role (figuratively if not literally).


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