# Grumpy.... testosterone overload?



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

My wife and I average some brief time alone once per week. New baby, teens and an overly busy life. I'm almost in a rage since it seems impossible to improve. I'm almost too frustrated to pursue anymore and feel like a schmuck when I do. My wife is a bit of a clean freak and showers afterwards since she is nursing- even quickies cost her an hour. I do help with chores and everything I can around the house. Adding fuel to the fire is that my wife often hints in arguments "the nice things she does for me" (meaning sex), but regardless- I feel starved.

Unlike 99% of men, I don't masturbate (religious reasons). She is my only remedy.

We love each other.

I probably want to hear that I should just buck up and be a man.....or hear from women who's husbands ruined their marriage being too needy and focused on sex. I need to find peace.

My wife is beautiful and good.... she deserves more than a grumpy, frustrated hubby (given she brings this up in arguments out of the blue- she's frustrated with me too).


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

How old is your baby?

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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> My wife and I average some brief time alone once per week. New baby, teens and an overly busy life. I'm almost in a rage since it seems impossible to improve....................
> 
> ................Unlike 99% of men, I don't masturbate (religious reasons). She is my only remedy.


If I was worshiping something that would be so rigid and non-understanding about your need for relief while at the same time, being a loyal husband and good parent, I would reconsider whoever I was worshiping. In other words, why in heaven would 'chokin the chicken' when your wife is unavailable make God so unhappy?


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

CatholicDad said:


> Adding fuel to the fire is that my wife often hints in arguments "the nice things she does for me" (meaning sex)





> We love each other..


beep boop statements not congruent


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Lila said:


> How old is your baby?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


8 weeks.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

toblerone said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > Adding fuel to the fire is that my wife often hints in arguments "the nice things she does for me" (meaning sex)
> ...


Guess you're saying she doesn't love me?


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

It did come out like that, didn't it?

Anyway without knowing anything else, for her to bring up in disagreements that she's just having sex with you to placate you isn't a good thing.

If the kid is only 8 weeks old, she might have a lot of recovery time ahead of her and she's trying to deal with a 2 month old as well. I think you're pushing too hard.

Lay off a bit.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > My wife and I average some brief time alone once per week. New baby, teens and an overly busy life. I'm almost in a rage since it seems impossible to improve....................
> ...


Religion aside, just trying to be good and "real" but do wonder if the anger is perhaps worse. Is anger more wrong than masturbation?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> I probably want to hear that I should just buck up and be a man.....or hear from women who's husbands ruined their marriage being too needy and focused on sex. I need to find peace.
> 
> My wife is beautiful and good.... she deserves more than a grumpy, frustrated hubby (given she brings this up in arguments out of the blue- she's frustrated with me too).





CatholicDad said:


> 8 weeks.


Oh jeez, that's a newborn infant. I get it, you're horny but have got to chill out before you permanently damage your relationship. You need to give it time, way more than 8 weeks. 

Have you tried doing heavy cardio (long distance running, tabata)? Cardio is a known testosterone reducer plus if done right, will exhaust you physically. 

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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

CatholicDad said:


> 8 weeks.


Is she breastfeeding?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Unlike 99% of men, I don't masturbate (religious reasons). She is my only remedy.


It is proven that the body can relieve itself while you are asleep if needed. Also if you did choose to masturbate it would not really "remedy" anything regarding your overall desire to be with your wife. 

What I am getting at is that you can't use lack of masturbation or a form of religious righteousness as a way to feel entitled. 

Badsanta


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

toblerone said:


> It did come out like that, didn't it?
> 
> Anyway without knowing anything else, for her to bring up in disagreements that she's just having sex with you to placate you isn't a good thing.
> 
> ...


For a lot of women, having sex within a few months of giving birth probably does feel a lot like "doing something nice" for her husband. Maybe she could word it a little more sensitively, but given what she's just gone through, and is continuing to go through, sensitivity on her part is really not go be expected. He on the other hand, does need great sensitivity at this point. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.

I don't think most ministers, priests, counselors, or even books, can prepare a man for just how much his wife will change when junior arrives. The toughest part is that he suddenly becomes an afterthought in the attention department, yet that's when he needs to provide attention and support most. 

It's a tough time, but it passes.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Some questions: 
- how frequent / good was the sex before she became pregnant?
- what are these "arguments" about?
- if she "hints" rather than say sex, and you don't masturbate, is it possible you're both a bit awkward of talking about sex frankly?
- and when you say "time alone" do you mean sex? Or talking?
- you say "seems impossible to improve" - what have you tried?

In my religion, yes, anger is considerably more wrong than masturbation (I believe) but your religion may differ.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> Religion aside, just trying to be good and "real" but do wonder if the anger is perhaps worse. Is anger more wrong than masturbation?


I guess that you already know that lingering anger towards a spouse would be more destructive than masturbation. For what it's worth, if I had no outlet except for the weekly possibility based on my LD spouse's plans, I would feel less than happy too. I understand that having a high-drive spouse would be much better, but without that, masturbation is a pretty common short-term solution. Did your wife seem to enjoy physical intimacy with you more before she recently gave birth?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> Have you tried doing heavy cardio (long distance running, tabata)? Cardio is a known testosterone reducer plus if done right, will exhaust you physically.


Exercise that leaves you exhausted will not only reduce your hormonal urges, but it will also help relieve any stress causing you to be angry. 

Also if you have a newborn baby in the house, home cooked meals are probably not happening right now. This means you are likely just grabbing "whatever" you can to eat. If this is happening you could be really throwing your blood sugar levels into a very volatile cycle. Pay attention to when you are angry and see if it correlates to a time when your blood sugar levels would be plummeting due to a recent change in diet and meal schedules. If so, start watching your carbs and try to eat more vegetables, nuts and fruits.

Badsanta


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> For a lot of women, having sex within a few months of giving birth probably does feel a lot like "doing something nice" for her husband. Maybe she could word it a little more sensitively, but given what she's just gone through, and is continuing to go through, sensitivity on her part is really not go be expected. He on the other hand, does need great sensitivity at this point. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
> 
> I don't think most ministers, priests, counselors, or even books, can prepare a man for just how much his wife will change when junior arrives. The toughest part is that he suddenly becomes an afterthought in the attention department, yet that's when he needs to provide attention and support most.
> 
> It's a tough time, but it passes.





I agree. I thought my statement wasn't accusing her at that point. I was wrong.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I'd be grumpy too if I had popped out another newborn baby and had teenagers already. WTF! Get on birth control or get snipped. She's probably pissed you knocked her up again. Is he a devout Catholic too?

I can't believe people let religion ruin their lives. I sure hope you weren't born Catholic and came to realize it's indeed the truth on your own. But I kinda doubt it, no rational person would.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> 8 weeks.


Oh jeez, that's a newborn infant. I get it, you're horny but have got to chill out before you permanently damage your relationship. You need to give it time, way more than 8 weeks. 

Have you tried doing heavy cardio (long distance running, tabata)? Cardio is a known testosterone reducer plus if done right, will exhaust you physically. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

How often and for how long? I happen to be into strength training going for 1000lb club so do train physically hard already 3 times per week. Up it with tabatas? 

Probably already have permanently damaged it somewhat since I have been at odds with her over this for years. Unfortunately, the stronger I get, the trend has been to want her more and expect her to feel the same.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

8 week old baby, give her time buddy, might take a year or so before she?s feeling sexy again.
I also do not masturbate, there are other things she can do with you other than sex to ease your tension. Talk with her without getting upset or demanding, tell her that you just can?t go more than a couple of days without a release. If she is as amazing as you say she is, she will take care of it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

CharlieParker said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > 8 weeks.
> ...


Yes.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

toblerone said:


> I agree. I thought my statement wasn't accusing her at that point. I was wrong.


No, you weren't wrong. My post was meant to expand on yours, not conflict with it.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

badsanta said:


> Exercise that leaves you exhausted will not only reduce your hormonal urges, but it will also help relieve any stress causing you to be angry.


I dunno about that. Recently I've been pretty horny after some workouts.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> How often and for how long? I happen to be into strength training going for 1000lb club so do train physically hard already 3 times per week. Up it with tabatas?


Strength training INCREASES testosterone. Cardio reduces it. Stop or drastically lighten up on the weights and beef up running, biking, swimming, hiking or any other cardio you currently do.



CatholicDad said:


> Probably already have permanently damaged it somewhat since I have been at odds with her over this for years.* Unfortunately, the stronger I get, the trend has been to want her more and expect her to feel the same.*


You can certainly feel more desire for her but you can't expect her to feel the same for you. It is great that you are strength training but make sure you are doing it for you without the expectations from her.

How long have you two been married?

When did you two start being at odds over this issue? Did something change in your relationship? 

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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

don't masturbate for religious reasons? Change religions!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> Oh jeez, that's a newborn infant. I get it, you're horny but have got to chill out before you permanently damage your relationship. You need to give it time, way more than 8 weeks.
> 
> Have you tried doing heavy cardio (long distance running, tabata)? Cardio is a known testosterone reducer plus if done right, will exhaust you physically.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


How often and for how long? I happen to be into strength training going for 1000lb club so do train physically hard already 3 times per week. Up it with tabatas? 

Probably already have permanently damaged it somewhat since I have been at odds with her over this for years. Unfortunately, the stronger I get, the trend has been to want her more and expect her to feel the same.[/QUOTE]

Unlike the cardio, the strength training can actually raise T. I used to be into powerlifting--even when my wife gave birth to each of our three children. Not the best recipe--I'm getting stronger and going out into the world every day in my more and more muscular body while she's stuck at home with a body that has been put through the wringer. The mental/emotional impact can be as great or greater than the physical impact. 

How much time do you spend with your new baby? Have you yet done so in such a way that allows her to get out of the house for an hour or two and do something purely for herself?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

badsanta said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > Unlike 99% of men, I don't masturbate (religious reasons). She is my only remedy.
> ...


Whoa, you're right! I do that... feel entitled... the little boy inside me expects a reward for being "true". I'll ponder that.

The night thing happens periodically, but I've also been to the doctor for testicle pain (inflamed epidymus) which lasted for a month. I believe this was caused by lack of use (maybe wrong). So the theory of it taking care of itself hasn't been without some physical pain. Still, may need to man up. Thank you. I agree masturbation is only a physical remedy and my struggle is beyond that.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

The Church has traditionally taught masturbation as a sin. However, despite the Church's harsh, hierarchical structure and demands, this is not a position universally accepted in the Church.

Diversity of belief about masturbation within the Roman Catholic church

Fr Seán Fagan, is an Irish moral theologian whose recent books "What Happened to Sin?" 7 and "Does Morality Change?" have been censured by the Vatican. In the former book, he wrote:
"We face the specific problem in later marriage of impotence in the male, or medical indications in the female which rule out intercourse. Is self-relief or mutual masturbation acceptable and excusable in these circumstances? 'Traditional' morality would condemn such activity as mortal sin because it is not procreative in form. To fight it, however, is simply to increase the tension until it becomes unbearable and sleep becomes impossible. For the wife to satisfy herself can in fact increase her sense of well-being, enabling her to love and care all the more for her husband and family. Why should God condemn her for doing what is natural, using his gifts for her comfort and well-being? In fact, it can be said in general that where there are medical or other marital problems which make intercourse inadvisable or impossible, 'self-service' can be a natural release of sexual tension for both partners. Might the same not be said for those who have no spouse?" 

Also:
Father John Ruffo takes a much more liberal position:
"The Church's official position on masturbation: 'The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.' That's a quote from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. "

"Can masturbation be sinful? I think the only time masturbation could be considered seriously sinful is if someone is using this activity to avoid one's obligations to one's spouse. Modern moral theologians tell us that masturbation is a normal part of one's psychosexual development. Most people go through phases of masturbation, during adolescence, for example, individuals separated from their spouses in war time, the elderly, and others in unique situations of life. It's hoped that individuals not become fixed or stuck in only this form of sexual expression, but rather develop a relationship with another person with whom one can express one's own sexuality in an appropriate loving and intimate way." 6

*It sounds like the more enlightened leaders in the faith relate that you need to do whatever you need to do to be a good spouse/parent. If masturbation helps with that, so be it. *


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

leon2100 said:


> don't masturbate for religious reasons? Change religions!


eh, it's his cross to bear, not ours.

anyway it's up to him and the followings of his specific pastor/congregation to figure it out.

technically masturbation is a mortal sin, iirc.

but since the guy isn't trying to get out of a marital duty it can probably be forgiven after the fact or the pastor would agree it can be allowed (AND FORGIVEN).


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

You should be frustrated and grumpy at your religion, not your wife.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> I'd be grumpy too if I had popped out another newborn baby and had teenagers already. WTF! Get on birth control or get snipped. She's probably pissed you knocked her up again. Is he a devout Catholic too?
> 
> I can't believe people let religion ruin their lives. I sure hope you weren't born Catholic and came to realize it's indeed the truth on your own. But I kinda doubt it, no rational person would.


I'm a convert and believe I'm rational. I believe it is the truth but struggle to live it. I actually think most of the good I've done (marriage, kids) is because of it so don't agree with your "ruin their lives" comment. My wife is a cradle Catholic.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)




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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

toblerone said:


> but since the guy isn't trying to get out of a marital duty it can probably be forgiven after the fact or the pastor would agree it can be allowed (AND FORGIVEN).


Is it really something that needs to be forgiven?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Herschel said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk


That scene was the first thing I thought of when I read the opening post.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> You should be frustrated and grumpy at your religion, not your wife.


Yeah, sometimes I am. I don't think it's wrong, but more that I can't live up to it.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> Is it really something that needs to be forgiven?


If he's RC, yea. Else he's doomed to hell.

For serious.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

CD,
That kind of strength training boosts your testosterone levels which boosts your desire level. So in a way the strength training is aggravating this issue by amplifying your desire. 

It is a bit odd that you don’t hardly say anything about how your wife feels about your sex life. Is she glad that you are a 1 percenter in terms of religious adherence? Or does she feel pressured by your mindset that she is your only outlet?

The folks who get real help by coming here:
- Do a good job of summarizing their marriages in a single post
- Do a decent job of explaining their spouses view of things






CatholicDad said:


> Oh jeez, that's a newborn infant. I get it, you're horny but have got to chill out before you permanently damage your relationship. You need to give it time, way more than 8 weeks.
> 
> Have you tried doing heavy cardio (long distance running, tabata)? Cardio is a known testosterone reducer plus if done right, will exhaust you physically.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


How often and for how long? I happen to be into strength training going for 1000lb club so do train physically hard already 3 times per week. Up it with tabatas? 

Probably already have permanently damaged it somewhat since I have been at odds with her over this for years. Unfortunately, the stronger I get, the trend has been to want her more and expect her to feel the same.[/QUOTE]


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Just thinking logically here.

Masturbation is considered a sin (theologically) because it is lustful.

But is it? Really?

If it's just for relief, it's not lustful. In fact, it would serve to prevent lustful feelings. If it is done when one has a spouse who either can't or won't have sex, it will serve to help thoughts remain within the marriage rather than seek sex outside the marriage. If anything, tossing one off/rubbing one out once in a while will further the goals of minimizing lustful thoughts and avoiding adultery. 

I'm certainly no theologian, but I don't think I need to be, to make some sense. That said, even the theologians in my previous post would agree with me.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

toblerone said:


> If he's RC, yea. Else he's doomed to hell.
> 
> For serious.


God only sends RC folks to hell for masturbating? He's more lenient with the Lutherans and Methodists?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Whoa, you're right! I do that... feel entitled... the little boy inside me expects a reward for being "true". I'll ponder that.
> 
> The night thing happens periodically, but I've also been to the doctor for testicle pain (inflamed epidymus) which lasted for a month. I believe this was caused by lack of use (maybe wrong). So the theory of it taking care of itself hasn't been without some physical pain. Still, may need to man up. Thank you. I agree masturbation is only a physical remedy and my struggle is beyond that.


Entitlement will not serve you well in marriage. Love is patient, and definitely not entitled. 

Interesting that you would also choose to question if your lack of intimacy would be to "blame" for some sexual health issues. Generally speaking your sexual organs are much more likely to get inflamed from overuse than compared to underuse. 

*If you lift weights and have testicle pain. You might be at risk for a hernia.* I would not place that burden onto your wife.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Just thinking logically here.
> 
> Masturbation is considered a sin (theologically) because it is lustful.
> 
> ...


I don't know if I would be able to "rub one out" if I couldn't be lustful. In his case, he's married. Is it wrong to think about your own wife in a lustful way? 

I'm also no theologian [believe it or not  ], but I don't think that we need to be to see that masturbation when sex isn't available is not wrong, punishable by torture unless granted forgiveness.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> I don't know if I would be able to "rub one out" if I couldn't be lustful. In his case, he's married. Is it wrong to think about your own wife in a lustful way?


Well that's the whole thing about lust as a sin. Again, mixing logic and theology here, lust is considered a sin because it is done outside the bounds of marriage or is done with an emphasis on sexual gratification rather than love.

Ergo, I say no, it is not wrong to have sexual thoughts about your wife, so long as they are loving rather than abusive in nature.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Ergo, I say no, it is not wrong to have sexual thoughts about your wife, so long as they are loving rather than abusive in nature.


I'd respectfully choose a 3rd option of concentrating how hot my spouse looked in a short skirt a few weeks back.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

OP: You're a converted Catholic. I was born and raised in it. Went to Catholic school all my life, and all that. Guess what..not even were the priest not being celibate, they were doing all the shenanigans that any other man would do: masturbation, sexual intercourse, lovers, and yes some of them have a woman with which they have kids (and cheat to..also). The priest from my church was so open about it that I did attent a couple of drinking functions at the house of his woman and kids. And here you are not masturbating because you think it is a sin? LOL.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Since you're catholic, commit your sin, go to confession, and you're good with God. 

You keep doing it often enough, the priest may pull your wife aside and tell her he's tired of hearing about it.

I kid, of course.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

dubsey said:


> Since you're catholic, commit your sin, go to confession, and you're good with God.
> 
> You keep doing it often enough, the priest may pull your wife aside and tell her he's tired of hearing about it.
> 
> I kid, of course.


Or try to corner him in the confessional:surprise:

Born and raised catholic here.

I now consider my self christian because of hundreds of years of priest misconduct and the catholic church hiding it.

I believe if you masterbate to thoughts of your wife then your not lusting after another woman hence then its not sinful.

Just a thought.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Married over twenty years. We've always been a bit out of balance. I crave the physical, her the emotional but of course it works out better when you're young and not busy. I seem to getting grumpier, unfortunately. I prefer to solve this without masturbation... feel like I just want to keep it real and not offend God.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Well, I don’t know if you can do both unless you reanalyze what you think “offends god”.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I appreciate everyone's responses. I think my only option is cardio... it certainly won't send me to hell and maybe I'll be ripped by bathing suit season next year... maybe the wife won't be able to take her hands off me (I can still dream, right?).

I'll try and post back on my experience with this later, perhaps help some other fellow out. Best regards my friends.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Kids are libido killers. Your roles change the second that little person pops out. Mother nature makes sure she sticks to the baby and doesn't wander off... by killing her libido. Mother nature also gave you a ravenous libido and the ability to go out and impregnate more women while she's at home with the baby. Of course, you won't do that... but you also have to let this out one way or another, or else you'll lose your mind. 

Just jerk off already, dude. There's a reason porn is a billion dollar industry. For guys like you.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Ok, an update. My plan for cardio has officially fallen through for lack of time. 

Feeling so frustrated and resentful. I feel like a jerk to pursue her given I'm more or less another "to do" task. I believe she enjoys the act but upset I guess to live in this state of almost perpetual frustration. Even when I catch her I'm back to frustration within an hour and realizing it's another week before I can woo or catch her again. 

Yesterday the baby was sleeping for hours but I didn't pursue because she was happily decorating with kids for Christmas. She even offered but I was in a rage internally and realizing... it's only a bandaid and thinking she deserved to finish a task before baby wakes up. I also pessimistically expected baby to wake up as soon as things got "going". As the minutes and hours passed I realized what an opportunity I had missed!

I guess my therapy is this note and wild hope that there will be a place in heaven for someone like me. Glad at the least that I'm not living the porn lie. Will still try to hit some cardio or overcome, somehow.


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

I don't know if there is an answer to your situation. I also learnt the hard way about not missing a situation because it felt like charity or I was too frustrated. But if the situation was reversed and she wanted it when you were busy you would enjoy just pleasing her as much as she wants to please you.

I know what it feels like having an 8 week old and your wife breastfeeding, with them both more or less naked and snuggled up to them in bed. Her breasts were beautiful, she would be sitting, have no panties on, and her knees up supporting our baby as he suckled.

I respect your reasons for not masturbating. Self pleasuring somehow doesn't seem appropriate. You are part of them and sharing in something so beautiful that words could never describe it.

But I have to admit that I have never felt so horny in all my life because our baby was coming first at this time and we were not making love very often either. I could hold her and when my hand touched her it felt so lovely... 
But she felt so tired after feeding that we didn't often make love.
It was incredibly hard, I will remember what it felt like for the rest of my life. But our love for each just grew stronger.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Trieste said:


> It was incredibly hard, I will remember what it felt like for the rest of my life.


Many will never forget that feeling simply because they are given a daily refresher for the duration of their marriages. 

OP, what are you going to do if she never comes round? You might start thinking what might happen is this situation isn't just temporary.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> I guess my therapy is this note and wild hope that there will be a place in heaven for someone like me.


Problem is even if there is a heaven and you're given a place, you'll be in the company of a boatload of other grumpy guys who don't masturbate either.

I can think of better ways to spend eternity.


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Do you believe that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation? If not, for the love of God, knock one out!


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

CatholicDad, I am interested in what you are saying because I tried to do what you are doing.
I believe that you have a high view of marriage and that is a very good thing. Even if it is hard at times there will be many rewards. The easy way is not always best.

Tell us how it is going for you, it might help to keep talking about it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Yesterday the baby was sleeping for hours but I didn't pursue because she was happily decorating with kids for Christmas. She even offered but I was in a rage internally and realizing... it's only a bandaid and thinking she deserved to finish a task before baby wakes up. I also pessimistically expected baby to wake up as soon as things got "going". As the minutes and hours passed I realized what an opportunity I had missed!


So when you had the opportunity and she was willing you shot it down.

If you keep thinking as you do and behaving that way, you will end up in a sexless marriage of your own making.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

dadstartingover said:


> Kids are libido killers. Your roles change the second that little person pops out. Mother nature makes sure she sticks to the baby and doesn't wander off... by killing her libido. Mother nature also gave you a ravenous libido and the ability to go out and impregnate more women while she's at home with the baby.


Maybe for some people, yet certainly not for others.

If CatholicDad's wife had a dead libido she probably wouldn't be offering him sex. Likewise if his libido were that ravenous he wouldn't be turning her down when she offered it.

I've had two wives and children with both of them. Yet after each child was born both with my ex-wife and now wife. They both couldn't wait to have sex and had sex frequently, from earlier than they were supposed to all after vaginal deliveries.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

CatholicDad, your problem is not testosterone, nor I believe is it a problem of masturbation. Your problem is how you deal with frustration and your tendency to let it fester.

Try meditation or get some counseling and learn to better deal with those feelings before you let this snowball into something you can't back out of.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Wow, baby is only 8 weeks old and your wife is breastfeeding. I'm a high libido woman, but at 8 weeks and breastfeeding I wasn't having any sex with my husband yet. My body was not ready at all. If you are this frustrated already when your baby is such a newborn, you have a long unhappy road ahead of you.


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## MartinBeck (Jan 19, 2017)

At 8 weeks and nursing, take cold showers and long runs. And jerk it for the good of the marriage and don’t feel guilty.


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## MartinBeck (Jan 19, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> Ok, an update. My plan for cardio has officially fallen through for lack of time.
> 
> Even when I catch her I'm back to frustration within an hour and realizing it's another week before I can woo or catch her again.
> 
> . She even offered but I was in a rage internally and realizing... it's only a bandaid and thinking she deserved to finish a task before baby wakes up.



Dude, own your ****. This is all on you and not on her.

1) You can find the time. You decide what your priorities are. 
2) “Catch” her??? Like she’s a prize? Healthy human women like to **** too. 
3) She offered and you said no - so you could still stay on that rage endorphin high. 

Do you really like being angry at her more than you like sex? I think a lot of this is you managing your anger, not sex. 

If she’s willing to do occasionally take care of you when she’s nursing a two month old, she’s trying dude.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> Religion aside, just trying to be good and "real" but do wonder if the anger is perhaps worse. Is anger more wrong than masturbation?


That is hard to address without knowing why masturbation is wrong. Why is it?


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## entropy4hunt (Nov 26, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> Ok, an update. My plan for cardio has officially fallen through for lack of time.
> 
> Feeling so frustrated and resentful. I feel like a jerk to pursue her given I'm more or less another "to do" task. I believe she enjoys the act but upset I guess to live in this state of almost perpetual frustration. Even when I catch her I'm back to frustration within an hour and realizing it's another week before I can woo or catch her again.
> 
> ...


Personally I don't see how popping children to an already overpopulated world makes God happy, but masturbating to keep yourself, wife and children happy makes God angry. I honestly can't understand how this is rational, if anything, it is based on faith, which is by definition irrational. Regardless of what I think, I am sure you have your reasons and this shouldn't be a conversation of God is bad, God is good, my God is better than yours, etc...

If masturbation makes you feel bad, have you thought of other things you could do with your wife that won't involve much work from her part?

I am also catholic by the way, but I like to find God with the free will that was given to me by him, rather than what the old guys at the Vatican tell me to do.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> That is hard to address without knowing why masturbation is wrong. Why is it?


Not hard to address at all. Anger is worse. Even making the leap that masturbation is wrong, anger is still wronger.


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

CatholicDad; I must admit that I admire what you are doing. It seems to me that you value your faith, your marriage, and your family more than your own tempory satisfaction. 
However hard this may be in the short term I can't help feeling that you will all reap rich rewards from being a person with real strength of character.
Forgive me the personal assumptions, you have my respect.


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