# Any advice on how to overcome relationship anxiety?



## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

Hey everyone!

I've been dating my boyfriend a year and its been a pretty good relationship. This is my first serious relationship since I broke up with my ex fiancé in 2009. The problem is due to my past I'm so fearful of whats going to happen in my current relationship that the past several months I've been over analyzing the heck out of us. Anytime there is even the slightest conflict I get nervous and over analyze in my head. I think "Is this relationship right for me?" "Am I with the right guy?" "Is he gonna hurt me like my ex did" It's really getting frustrating and worries me so much. I'm scared my anxiety, fear, and negative thinking is going to push me to end my relationship and I really don't want that. I want to be with him. I'm trying my best to go with the flow and take it day by day and trust that everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I have a hard time not feeding into my negative thoughts. Anyone else out there have relationship anxiety who has found a way to cope with this and still have a successful relationship?? Any advice would be really really appreciated. I don't want to ruin a good thing I have just because I'm scared of what the future holds. 

Thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you tried individual counseling?


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Have you tried individual counseling?


Yes, I have. She said everyone gets relationship anxiety and that it's pretty normal but I feel like she never really gives me the tools I need to overcome it.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

IMO the dating phase of a relationship is to determine compatability, and this is your main concern and the root of your anxiety.

Stop worrying. This is the time your supposed to enjoy his company and enjoy where its headed *without* worrying about it. If its right, it will work out. If its wrong, you guys will go your own way.

By continually over thinking and worrying about the outcome, not only are you setting yourself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy, but your also not going to be able to enjoy the journey as much.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

You're very right. Thank you for taking time to post this.


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## RelationshipBro (Jan 11, 2012)

As I try to analyze your situation, the reason why you are experiencing anxiety with your relationship is that, you are not fully recovered from the previous broken relationship that you had. In this sense you are not yet ready for a new relationship but you have committed once again for you to forget and cope with your previous one. The most common mistake of every individual in trying to heal the pain of the broken relationship is to find another one even though they are not yet ready. You cannot heal a broken heart by giving your heart to someone. The best thing that you have to do is mend the pain in your heart. Imagine, your heart is still aching and you assess that everything is already okay. You found a new one so everything will be alright. But the truth is, it is not always the case. Now you are dating, you are committed and as time goes by, your relationship will be smoothly going on. But still the anxiety is still there, the thing that you have to do is that, you have to asses yourself, forget the pain that you had, and enjoy the company of your boyfriend. Just share the love with him. Be happy, so that whatever happens to your relationship, you will not blame yourself. In a relationship, you really have to invest, and the most risky investment is the investment of emotions, but then again you have to take it. Who knows sooner or later, you can leave happily ever after. Anxiety is normal. Just focus and don't ever let that anxiety ruin the relationship that you have right now. I hope this advice makes sense. Thanks.


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## hellolove (Dec 21, 2011)

I waited a year before I got into another relationship with someone. I felt as though I had healed all the way. I was over my ex completely by the time I got into another relationship, had done a lot of self improvement and growing but maybe the fears in my heart weren't completely healed. I think I bring the anxieties from my past relationship into my current and I keep reminding myself they aren't the same guy. I somehow have found a way to let it all go this week. All the anxiety and fear.I'm realizing I have no control over what is going to happen in my current relationship but if I just let it be and takes its course it'll figure itself out. The anxiety comes and goes and I'm still trying to find ways to relax about it. 

Thanks for your feedback RelationshipBro


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## RelationshipBro (Jan 11, 2012)

You're most welcome hellolove. one thing more, the only thing that you have to do is that, you really have to confront that anxiety. Face your fear. Just move one. Dance with the music. Cross the bridge when you get there. If everything between you and your boyfriend is okay, you have nothing to worry about. Just focus on your on going relationship. Everything will follow. Once again you're most welcome. Good luck.


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