# kids are with their dad and I miss them so much



## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi.

I have not long dropped my children off at their dad's house. I tears me up inside everytime I am without them. I feel worse as I initiated the kids staying there as he has tomorrow off and could spend time with them. He said fine, but didn't seem overjoyed. He hasn't seen the kids in a couple of weeks, so I want them to keep a relationship. Also the kids miss their half sisters and that is also an important relationship to keep up.

Anyway, how do others cope when they are sitting at home all alone feeling depressed as their children are not here? We all spent xmas together, but if this becomes a permanent state of affairs, ie divorce, what do people do with xmas when the kids are with one partner not the other? Especially when one parent wants to take all kids interstate? 

I like being a single parent and doing what suits me and the kids without deferring to anyone else, but this side of it is terrible! 

All my friends have children so spending time with them doesn't help and I have recently given up drinking so don't want to go down that road. 

Any advise would be helpful

Thanks


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Maybe you can take up a hobby while they are away at their dad's house. Use this time to hang out with friends, get a bite to eat with them, have friends over for movies and snacks, ect... I was a single parent once, my ex had supervised visits until my daughter was old enough to talk and let me know if he was treating her properly.

You will get use to it as long as their father is a good dad. If he treats them well, you'll get use to them being gone. I do understand where your coming from. I miss my kids even when their off at school all day. I love having them around me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. I was thinking a joining a gym, but the kids only have spasmodic visits, rather than regular, so I haven't got round to it yet. Also it is the night times I find hardest without them and the gyms in my area are not 24hrs. 

I actually wrote a list of things I could be getting on with, but haven't done them all yet.

It is nice to hear it is something you can become used to, eventually

Their dad is good to them, but gets on with his own jobs and often leaves kids to watch tv or play with siblings.

How did you handle celebrations and holidays with/without your daughter?


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm not going to lie, the holiday's were very tough! We were doing the every other holiday deal and for Christmas I had her Christmas Eve and they Christmas Day. It's been a blessing now that we have her all Holidays. 

My ex was very verbally abusive, but most the time he wasn't there while she was over. They used her as a babysitter for their other children. My ex h now wife, moved in 3 days after I packed up and left. She is not much better then he, so we went down a very rocky road. He eventually shut her out for good. He no longer allows any contact with his other 3 children. My daughter calls to talk to them, he hangs up. My ex has gotten worse over the years. He makes it very clear that he does not like her. It's sad, she's a wonderful young woman. You are very lucky your ex is a good father. I had very limited visitation. It was only one overnight instead of two. 

The good news is I remarried a fabulous man. My husband has been a fantastic role model for my daughter. My daughter is nearly 18 and is deciding to change her last name to my husbands. My daughter is much happier now that her father is out of her life.

Good luck! The weekends will get easier. If you have something planned and you need to cancel visitation, don't be afraid to. We often switched weekend due to family reunions and birthday parties for her friends and sisters. Or if there was a sports game. My ex would not take her to any school, church or sporting events. We did do a lot of switching around in the earlier years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

My custody statement says half of each 'family type' holiday is spent with each parent.


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Amy

I do not know your story but here are my thoughts on the subject. I have been married for 17 years and I work extra hard on my marriage because my parents divorced and I did not like it at all. 

-All the holidays will be diffucult for you, your x, and most of all your children. You just manage the situation. There will be a time your husband remarrys. If you remain single, it will be harder on you. Kids grow up they get married and then the holidays could be split up in thirds. Don't forget about the in laws. (I only said if you remain single because you said you liked being single so you do not have to answer to anyone)

-Finanaces: Unless you and your soon to be x husband are wealthy get ready for a lower standard of living. It is a financial fact that you and your x will be trying to manage two house holds now. This alone with no mistakes leaves very little extra money for things you want to do with the kids. Vacations, sports, college savings, all the things we take for granted. 
I am sure your soon to be x husband loves his children an will do everything to support them. Keep in mind we all go through finacial hard times, sickness, loss of a job and so on. Do you have a healthy savings account for these hard times. Sometimes divorce leaves families in poverty.

As I said, I do not know your story and I am not judging you. I just wanted to put divorce in some perspective for you. There will be some emotional trama for your children, it is just a fact. Some kids fare better than others.


----------



## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks for the insights and advice. 

At the moment I am living in rented accom and I have a professional job and a 'slush fund' I started a while ago thinking it might come in handy. 

X doesn't give me any money, but I do get some benefits his business pays for. Also I haven't pushed the money as I can support myself and children, and I am thinking us being friendly is more important for the children than us fighting over money.

The marital home is our major assest and is currently up for sale. Hopefully will sell soon, then we can both get our own houses.

The kids seem OK, and when they talked to a counsellor (one-on-one), they said they were happy enough but would like us all together.

As much as I hate not having them, I know contact with their father and siblings is important. I also know this holiday business is going to be very hard, it is why I didn't leave earlier when all our troubles came to the surface, (we first went to counselling nearly 4 yrs ago)

So, thanks for reading and offering advice and answers to my questions


----------

