# Husband too vanilla in bed..



## Roguekittysaysmeow (Jul 17, 2021)

Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Sit him down and make him listen to your needs. You are giving up by staying silent. Before ejaculation, he needs to pull away and do something else. He needs to train himself to wait. It is not automatic. Taking care of you should probably come first because it normally takes the female longer to reach climax. 

He is a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are not good keepers! That goes both ways by the way.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Ha! Sounds like my wife. Boring, never wants to try anything new or imitates. Some people are just not as sexual, just like some people don't like to fish, hunt or watch sports as much as others.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


There’s nothing wrong with you.

He should be embarrassed he is popping off and he’s unable to get you there.

So for the PE he has, get him some Promiscent spray. A few sprays with that, rub it in, and wait 10 minutes. If he is still firing off early then it’s a mental thing. He will likely complain he can’t feel anything. What it will do is show him the gap between how he had been performing and where he needs to be.

He can try something like 300mg St. John’s Wort 3x a day. Since I have been on that I haven’t blown before my wife in PIV a single time (after being on it for a few weeks). 

There are also Rx SSRI that will delay ejaculation.

Even though it maybe isn’t sexy for you to be telling him what to do, you may need to. Maybe get him to do another position by seducing him in the shower or something where missionary won’t be possible.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You and he need to come to an agreement over sex. If he is unwilling to reach an agreement, he's not the wonderful mate you think he is. Try what ccp is suggesting above. Get the spray yourself. Don't ask him to do it. If all fails, when you get to the end of the road, find a sex therapist. Maybe he will listen to a third party. Your problems, including his PE, are fixable if both sides are willing. 

You sound like you've had a quite active sexual history. Is he intimidated by it at all?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

One other thing is if you get a set of penis rings and find one that constricts enough it can also prevent PE. The kind with the attached vibrators are also fun but I’d start with the plain ones.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Could he be a brat and/or passive sub and just doesn't realize it? That would explain his lack of experience after 2 other relationships, begging you, unwillingness, etc.

That would mean he's not vanilla in the least, just not your flavor.

You could test drive that dynamic and see how he responds to verify. Or ask him if the thought of the acts within that dynamic turn him on.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

as I posted here on another post a couple that the man is vanilla the woman is into getting tied up and a sub , so she and I friend I know that is a dom come together once a week or once in 2 weeks they go on holidays together and all 3 some times go out together for dinner , they have shared the woman now for years


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


 As the others have said, there is nothing wrong with you. I am not sure that this is PE per se, as much as he is not doing anything save working to reach orgasm himself, with no real regards with you. And it may be as simple as he knows no better.

As a switch who hasn't had the sub side dealt with in a while, I do feel for you. The question is whether or not he can actually dom. Topping is easy to learn, even if one is not a Dom or more. But being Dominant is usually innate in a person. Not always, but more often than not.

You are probably going to need a therapist, but which kind, to me, is up in the air. I am thinking a MC first and one who will help you two learn how to communicate more effectively. I think that will be the most help. A sex therapist might be needed as a follow up, but the communication will be the key part.

One of the other things you can try, and I have often recommended it. Play checklists. Now there are usually a lot of stuff that many people won't do, but most are designed to hit a wide varity of possible interests. I prefer ones that allow you to rate both experience and interest as separate ratings. Once you can determine if there is anything he is interested in that you want (and it may reveal that he is a sub as well), then you can look for classes or teachers. Many local BDSM groups also have educational opportunities. There are even some groups, such as Black Rose in Baltimore (just as an example and maybe research launch point) are purely about education.

If you do find out that you are both sub, you might consider looking for a common Dom(me) to help you both out. As you hopefully know, BDSM doesn't necessarily have to involve sex itself. For me it's more fun if it does, but I've played with plenty of others with no sex. You could even maybe find one that would work on things that would have you and H doing sex, even while they are not involved personally. There are all kinds of possibilities. Even if he is not sub, if you just need sub time, then maybe a Dom who will not engage in sex for you is the answer. But, very importantly, your H must be in on it, and must understand that you are not looking for sex outside the marriage, but the play. Again, this suggestion is based on if it is a possibility for you to do. Not everyone can separate like that.

The only other thing I can suggest, it to get ahold of a copy of The Sensuous Man by M. While a lot of what is in there is outdated, there is a technique for helping a man last longer before orgasm, that has worked for me in the past. Can't hurt to try.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now.


See what you said above. Knowing that you two were sexually incompatible you went ahead and not only stayed with him but married him. But you love him? Like love will make the relationship successful. A relationship to thrive involves more than just "but I love him." compatibilities in most walks of life is more important and defining than just love. This sexual issue if not resolved to your satisfaction will eventually erode the way you feel about him until you either dump him or cheat on him. Probably a sex therapist could help. Why don't start there? Professional help a lot times does wakes up the person failing in the relationship.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

He sounds dense. Unfortunately he also sounds like he doesn't give two craps whether you get off or not because he's happy just the way it is. I mean the only solution I found for guys who dig right in and come too fast is not to let them dig right in. Tell him you're not ready. Close your legs enough so his whole body can't get in there. Tell him you need to get off before he does. Tell him just touching the bases briefly and moving on doesn't get you or anyone else off. 

Take his hand and put it where you want it and even move it with your hand over his the way you want him to move it and tell him to keep doing that and if he stops tell him it's not time to stop. Again, he sounds dense. But he's also not trying. 

He doesn't need to do anything he's totally repulsed by of course and I think you know by now that he's not going to be the Dom and you surely must have known that before you married him. So I wouldn't hold my breath on that. That doesn't mean you have to be the dom. It just means you have to train him and not just let him slide. I mean presumably he's interested in having sex and find you attractive so this should not be such a chore for him. He just sounds clueless.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


He needs to watch some youtube of Caitlin V.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


He needs to train himself to avoid popping before YOU are satisfied and ok with him doing so. He could have trained himself when young by edging himself, but since he didn't you can help now. He has to recognize where his point of no return is and learn to stop before that, wait for the mood to calm down. Practice makes perfect. And he needs to realize that he doesn't get to sleep until he has satisfied you. You don't mention his refractory time, but his mouth and hands don't have one.

Don't go down on him unless and until he has gone down on you. Not sure how to overcome him not wanting to, maybe that is something that can't be overcome. Like some women don't care for oral. But, he needs to know that until you receive you won't be giving. Would you be ok with him using his hands if he is unwilling to use his mouth? Surprised with you having been together for years, that this is still an issue.

If he gets too aroused, take a break ( before YOU get close to orgasm ) and let the mood calm down for however long that takes. Maybe buy him a book like "she comes first" or even the old "Joy of Sex", and read it together a chapter at a time. Use the start/stop with you on top of him. Nothing wrong with telling him how to do things, but insist he learn the lessons by practicing.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Had you never had sex with him before marriage?

You need to determine why you married him. What expectations you held and what you plan to do about it because he doesn't care enough about you to attempt to change your dynamic.

Ask him if he would:
a. prefer to see a sex therapist or
b. prefer you find a man who knows how to have sex

He's skating because you allow it. Tell him there is no roller skating in the house.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

For most men, one of the easiest treatments for PE is whacking off an hour or so before having sex. Have you tried that? If he's one and done, it's a problem. Doing what @DownByTheRiver suggests may cause him to pop off before you even get to sex.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

they do make products that delay his ability to cum.
here is one. i have no idea how well they work, but it is probably worth 
a try









Promescent® Delay Spray for Men | Last Longer, Control Your Climax


Get a bottle of Promescent® Delay Spray for men to treat premature ejaculation. Last longer in bed and control your climax with an easy-to-use desensitizing spray.




www.promescent.com


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> they do make products that delay his ability to cum.
> here is one. i have no idea how well they work, but it is probably worth
> a try
> 
> ...


That is the one I suggested above. I used it exactly one time and less than directed and my wife is now in the “never again” camp because it took me about 45 minutes.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sfort said:


> For most men, one of the easiest treatments for PE is whacking off an hour or so before having sex. Have you tried that? If he's one and done, it's a problem. Doing what @DownByTheRiver suggests may cause him to pop off before you even get to sex.


I always presume men are masturbating all the time to begin with.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I always presume men are masturbating all the time to begin with.


Not all the time...but close


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I always presume men are masturbating all the time to begin with.


Why?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sfort said:


> Why?


Why not? I think it's a safer assumption than that they don't masturbate at all? Just playing the odds.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think anyone can learn to be a great lover, but they have to want to do so. It sounds like he doesn't really desire to please you. I don't know if that is something that is easily changed. My impression is that some people actively enjoy pleasing their partners, for others its just sort of a chore and they try to do as little as possible. 

I wish I had a good suggestion, but I'm sort of in the same boat and have never found a solution. All I can suggest is that you accept that he is who he is - and decide on your own actions accordingly. That may leave you with undesirable choices, but they are the ones you have


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ccpowerslave said:


> That is the one I suggested above. I used it exactly one time and less than directed and my wife is now in the “never again” camp because it took me about 45 minutes.


indeed it is!
how did i miss that!


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## Thevengfulone (Jun 18, 2020)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


You knew this before you married him right?. Take him to an adult store buy some different vibrators and dildos. Teach him how to use them on you. Make him wait a while before letting him penetrate you. This way you get some foreplay. He learns to give you some O's, and it builds his stamina


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

There is nothing wrong with either partner here. Just a giant mismatch on the enjoyment and want of sex. 

Be honest about your needs and figure out if it is a dealbreaker for you.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ugh. Where are all of these LD men coming from? I have NEVER met one in my life. I have a feeling you guys are younger since you said you were newly weds? I think married for a few years? Seems to be more of a younger man's problem these days. 

Have him go to the doctor to get his T levels checked. Falling asleep immediately after ejaculation is weird. I don't do that and I'm a month away from 42 years old. In fact, I'm ready to go for another round within 2 hours. I'm amped up. 

I also don't understand why he's being a selfish lover. Again, I swear this is a newer thing (on average). Every single man I've ever known gets a massive ego boost from being able to please their woman. It makes them want to have sex even more knowing that they are getting their women off. I simply cannot understand why some men are not amped up to please their women.

As for the sub/dom thing, unfortunately, we live in a culture these days where you have to be extremely careful. EXTREMELY careful. Let's just hypothetically assume that your husband is into being dom (like you want). It would be in his best interest to talk about all of these things up front and ask questions during sessions if everything is ok. Doesn't matter that it isn't sexy for these discussions to happen. They have to happen and everyone here knows exactly why. It doesn't need to be said. 

Other than that, you've already made a great first step. You reached out for help. I wish I did when I was in my early 20's. You can sit your husband down now and discuss these things to get what you need out of your marriage.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

[QUOTE="LATERILUS79, post: 20340673, member: 348930"

Have him go to the doctor to get his T levels checked. Falling asleep immediately after ejaculation is weird. I don't do that and I'm a month away from 42 years old. In fact, I'm ready to go for another round within 2 hours. I'm amped up.

*Every single man I've ever known gets a massive ego boost from being able to please their woman. It makes them want to have sex even more knowing that they are getting their women off. I simply cannot understand why some men are not amped up to please their women.*
[/QUOTE]
The husband knows things arent right and doesnt care. OP married a dud


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> As for the sub/dom thing, unfortunately, we live in a culture these days where you have to be extremely careful. EXTREMELY careful. Let's just hypothetically assume that your husband is into being dom (like you want). It would be in his best interest to talk about all of these things up front and ask questions during sessions if everything is ok. Doesn't matter that it isn't sexy for these discussions to happen. They have to happen and everyone here knows exactly why. It doesn't need to be said.


There is a reason why I teach a 101 class and a negotiations class. People need to learn this and keep themselves safe,


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Roguekittysaysmeow said:


> Heres a quick backstory, I have been with my partner for years and married for almost a year now. I’ve been with 4 men in the past sexually and he has been with 2 women in the past. Apparently this poor man never did anything past missionary. Like he was so surprised when I gave him head. I’m not AMAZING in sex. At least i don’t think but when we have sex its usually me taking the lead. And he finds it too sexy to the point he comes so fast. So i go to bed often having to masturbate cuz he is shut down after he comes… i gotta say guys, i LOVE SEX. SEX is my favorite thing and I’m a definite sub… but for my husband i always have to dom and be the one to tell him how to do things.. at first i thought it was cute but now.. i want so much more. Worst part… he does not want to go down on me… okay. I know i don’t taste HORRIBLE. I had past relationships whom loved going down me and even forced to go down on me which is so hot.. but he refuses to, using that he doesn’t know how as an excuse… i tried teaching him some times but he gives up so fast… i cleanly shave/wax for him, i even said I’ll put a lollipop but then when asking so many times i feel so desperate… sex now feels so onesided… i usually ride him and one time he begged me to let him come and he said he’ll give me a second round so I can come too and I foolishly believed him… after letting him come.. HE FELL ASLEEP! Why am I doing all the work.. why does he seem lost when looking for my vagina!? Why do i always have to take lead!? And we dont even do foreplay cuz when he gets horny.. he just want to put it in… hes sometimes so pure that it’s nauseating… i love him. Hes amazing in EVERYTHING… attentive at EVERYTHING except so selfish during sex.. and now with him its becoming a tad boring where slowly getting use to just him coming… i try my best to cope with sex toys which now i have a chest filled with sex toys just so i don’t cheat… my husband doesn’t care much about toys… i tried talking to him a lot about this matter but it seems like those situations where we talk, find a solution, then he forgets when hes horny… idk what to do. I love him way too much to cheat. Should i just continue with toys? Should i attempt playing hard to get? I don’t know… Its making me so insecure and makes me cry sometimes thinking something is wrong with me.. please give me advice! I’m desperate.


definitely take the lead. Plan out all sorts of sexual things to try, toys to use, bondage, whatever. See what YOU like and pursue it. also, along the way, you might find something that turns him on too!


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

I agree with the others that he needs his testosterone levels checked. He may need hormone therapy, which would help him also be more attracted to the womanly scent of your genitals.
I couldn’t get the image of Kyle (DJ Qualls) from road trip out of my mind when reading your post.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This ain't testosterone and it's not about lack of knowledge or technical skill. 

I was a more engaged, proactive and enthusiastic lover the night I lost my virginity at age 17. And I have more stamina and able to rebound to this day at age 57. 

There are a lot of men that are simply duds (some women too) Some people just simply don't have it in them. They do not have the innate interest, they do not have the self initiative and they don't care to learn and don't care to try to improve and they simply don't care if their partner is OK or not. 

Duds. Drones. Bumps on a log or +i+s on a bore. Whatever you want to call 'em.


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