# Can I really deal with infidelity



## Unis (Jun 7, 2007)

I've been married for four years but were separated for two years. There are so many conflicts between me and my husband and one is his infedility.

When my son was born, I suffered from post-natal depression and I really felt alone that time. I've been so jealous with my husband's friends and work. Plus, I felt I am the only one handling the marriage and parenthood. While he's so busy in the limelight, I am in the dark room. He also ran in the arms of other women who tried to comfort him when we quarrel. Whenever he is so angry, he would ask for separation (since divorce is never allowed in our country).

When we separated, I tried to build a life for me and my son and tried to ignore him whenever he tried to have me back. He always hurt my feelings everytime we're in good terms. But eventually, I still go back to him together with my son. Now that we're together again, I am dealing with my previous hurts and problems again. The house that we're living today has been the house of his many mistresses, who acted and expecting to be his wife. He told me that no women ever stayed in this house, but I was the one who cleaned the house and I found a lot of women's facial creams, lovenotes, pictures and ladie's shoe boxes. Its been very hard for me to deal with the "bad spirits" in the house. He always lied to me. I left the life I once tried to build without him and now I felt so weak to start all over again once our marriage failed again.

I can see that he doesn't want us to leave again. But he cannot take his hands off women. And he always hurt my feelings and make me look like a fool. I am trying to stop looking at his emails, friendster and handphones so that I won't be hurt with what I'm going to see. Whenever I saw "bad spirits" in the house, I just keep quiet and kept it for myself so we won't quarrel again.

I want somebody to share this. Please do advice me. Actually, I do not trust that my husband will be ever faithful to me. But I really want this marriage to work out.


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## Chloe (Jun 29, 2007)

Dear Unis, 
If you can try and see a therapist. It is best for you to consult a professional who can give you some real guidance. My husband recently had an internet affair and I really don't think I could cope with the whole thing if we didn't seek counseling. Good Luck!


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

The only example I can relate are my paternal grandparents. My Grandfather until this day could not keep his hands off many other women. I was told that my father, the eldest son, would go along with his mother and they would catch his father in the act with other mistresses. They have also met his other kids from the other women. 

They've been married for over 50 years and my grandmother saw these women. I dont know how she dealt with it personally, but she would turn to her mother and father to help raise her six children. In their religion and old culture divorce is not an option so she stuck with her husband the whole time. 

On my mother's side, my maternal Grandmother also saw the mistress of my maternal Grandfather. Where my maternal Grandparents are from divorce is allowed, but my Grandmother was strong enough to stick to the marriage and raise my mom and auntie until he died a few years later and they lived off the life insurance. 

For you divorce is not an option as you say and that your husband will forever cheat. Since both of you know what is going on, then maybe you can make rules that if he cheats it is NOT in YOUR home. He must wear protection and that YOU are in charge of the bank account. Make yourself a separate bank account so you have money just in case.


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

As the old saying goes, "He is having his cake and eating it to" the problem is your enabling him to do it. I'm proably not the best person on this subject but it seams your marriage is based on conveance and not love and respect. That goes for both sides not just him. You have to respect yourself also and relize that what you are allowing to happen here by staying with him or going back each time is just hurting you.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

See about going to a religious leader for help and guidance and maybe a way to shame him into being faithful.

draconis


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## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

You will never be happy be happy if you don't trust him as you will constantly be worried that he is cheating on you.


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## charlenecoetzee (Mar 26, 2008)

Unis said:


> I've been married for four years but were separated for two years. There are so many conflicts between me and my husband and one is his infedility.
> 
> When my son was born, I suffered from post-natal depression and I really felt alone that time. I've been so jealous with my husband's friends and work. Plus, I felt I am the only one handling the marriage and parenthood. While he's so busy in the limelight, I am in the dark room. He also ran in the arms of other women who tried to comfort him when we quarrel. Whenever he is so angry, he would ask for separation (since divorce is never allowed in our country).
> 
> ...


Dear,
I sincerely felt so sorry for you & the unpleasant situation! But stand-up, hold your head up high & NEVER neclect your inner & outer beauty because he can't keep his hands to himsefl!!!
Take ACTION by: Treat yourself to a good facial, manicure, ect. the works! Work on a new sexy younger looking YOU. Get a new haircut, maybe a new colour too. If he still doesn't take any notice or anything, then start living your live by meeting new friends, go out or go watch a movie with a friend! Live does'nt evolve around him and neither is your house the world itself. If you want to meet new MALE friends ( I doen't mean cheating), you can join 'Facebook' on the internet where you meet lots of interessting new people. If he sees your not fussing around him & in what he does anymore, HE's gonna start fussing around YOU for a change. You catch my drift? Good luck!!!


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