# My Story!! Any advice or support needed



## vino1998 (Feb 20, 2013)

My husband and I have been together 16yrs and married 7yrs. We have a wonderful 4yr old son. We have been separated for about 2 1/2 months. I am willing to do anything to save my marriage to the man of my dreams. I do think he is depressed but don't know how to talk to him about it. He has been very irratble for about 6 months and other symptoms. I am not willing to give up on him but don't know what to do. Help!!
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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

First question: Do you suspect another women? And the reason why I ask, is that it is an epidemic, spouses cheating. Who initiated the separation? What were the reasons? It sounds to me like he initiated the separation.
Signs of an affair...is emotional withdrawal, irritability, low sex drive (although for some, it increases sex drive), unusual or secretive behavior around cellphone or computer. Sabotages your attempts at connection or physical intimacy...by starting a fight or stonewalling. My wife initiated a separation...and couldn't come up with a clear, logical reason (because she was cheating on me)...did this separation come out of the blue with concrete reasons and specific areas delineated that serve as goals for you two to work toward? Or were his reasons vague, more or less blaming you? That is going to give us a lot more information to work with.


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## vino1998 (Feb 20, 2013)

I had an emotional affair 3yrs ago and it is completely over. He did have am emotional affair in the last 6months. He was diagnosed with lupus about 10 yrs ago. In the last year he as made several comments that he knows he will not live long. Before he moved out he was willing to work on marriage. But right before he did he had a doctor appt with his lupus specialist and he prescribed him am anxiety medicine. I really did not like that. Shortly after that things went down hill fast. The first few weeks when he was gone we could still talk and he would come over and hand out or help with things. He mentioned to me 2 weeks ago that he just did not care anymore about anything and was hair not happy. I asked him what would make hime happy and he said idk. If he is still talking to her idk. He blames me for everything.
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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I am sorry sorry you are dealing with all of this. It could be a side-effect of his medication, some have developed suicidal thoughts from anxiety meds...something to consider, especially if his downward turn happened right after he started taking it...but I can also see where if he has convinced himself that life is pointless, he may be cutting his attachments. I would just monitor the situation however you can, if you can tell he is just isolating himself like a dog going to die in the woods...then he may need some intervention. You ought to really lash yourself onto some very strong support for yourself, especially since you have a child that is counting on you. Support groups, individual counseling...and make preparations for all the worst case scenarios you can think of...not to freak yourself out, but to be ready financially, legally, and emotionally.


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## vino1998 (Feb 20, 2013)

FormerSelf said:


> I am sorry sorry you are dealing with all of this. It could be a side-effect of his medication, some have developed suicidal thoughts from anxiety meds...something to consider, especially if his downward turn happened right after he started taking it...but I can also see where if he has convinced himself that life is pointless, he may be cutting his attachments. I would just monitor the situation however you can, if you can tell he is just isolating himself like a dog going to die in the woods...then he may need some intervention. You ought to really lash yourself onto some very strong support for yourself, especially since you have a child that is counting on you. Support groups, individual counseling...and make preparations for all the worst case scenarios you can think of...not to freak yourself out, but to be ready financially, legally, and emotionally.


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## vino1998 (Feb 20, 2013)

Not really sure what just happened with that post sorry!! I am doing what I need to do for myself and my son. But I am also worried about my husband.
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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Sadly, there is not a whole lot you can do for him if he is unwilling. He has to climb out of this with his own free will. Otherwise, he is not going to be very receptive of your goodwill or your unsolicited advice. My wife really went downhill after we separated...and I learned that thebest way for them to feel the weight of consequences and make a decion to change is if I got out of the way of that process. The risk of course, is the fear that he will be more determined of his present path, but he has his freewill choice to do so...just as you have the freewill choice to determine if you plan to stick it out and wait til he comes around or if you move along. No guarantees I'm sad to say...I did what I could to turn my marriage around which stretched things out another 2.5 years...but still she chose to end the marriage. It was a risk that I was willing to take...now you have the power to choose how you will respond. But again, if you see further reasons to be concerned about him, I would be making calls to mental health services and find out how he can be assessed for treatment.


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## vino1998 (Feb 20, 2013)

Thanks for the advice and support!!
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