# Does it get easier?



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

3 weeks after D day its still the last thing I think about before sleep and the first thing when I open my eyes...Married for 12yrs together for 16. She had a 5 month physical affair year 3 of our marriage. I found out about this 3 weeks ago after she left her facebook messages open and I read some 5yr old messages from the OM and her fondly remembering that summer..After I confronted her she quickly deleted him as a friend and has allowed me access to her account...After the affair my wife and I had 2 kids and have enjoyed a very good marriage. I believe her when she says nothing has happened since (maybe I am naïve). I want to make us work since we have been so happy the last few years with our family...but every time I see her on her phone I wonder...is it just time that helps?..Am I stupid to think we can make it work?...Im not going to put myself through this if I will always worry..


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

You might not want to hear this nor, is it the best advice you will get, but I would think about finding a way to make her feel the same way you do right now, if you know what I mean.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

You need full transparency. If he is on her phone and your wondering, then it is not full and true transparency. It is also telling an days something that she kept him around as a friend all of this time. If nothing was happening and ha happened since, then why keep him around and why delete him immediately when discovered.

Time to go into stealth mode as it seems that there may be more to this. Why else would she continue to carry on with him for 4 more years after the A was supposedly done (do the math, she had the A after year 3 and you saw 5 year old messages, that means that from year 3 to 7 she was still involved with him).

Find out about his Spouse and notify, and what about the kids and their ages??

Sorry you are here, but sounds like there are many more questions going unanswered here.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

When you did the DNA test on your son, what were the results?

Has your wife given you a written timeline of the affair?

Has she let you talk to the betrayed wife of the OM to let you compare stories? 

So she recently took him off as a friend. How is she being transparent to show that she has gone NC with the OM?

Has she told you why you are her backup plan? What was so special about the OM that she ripped your heart out of your chest and threw it in the fire? Have you asked her if she ever loved you? Then how could she do this to you?

Will she take a polygraph? 

Will she sign an agreement regarding the divorce favorable to you and regarding custody of your boys?

If she is not remorseful, and transparent, then it is time to file for divorce. 

How did she meet the OM when she had your kids needing her care?


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

jeremyrob said:


> Does it get easier?


No. You've been turned and it will never be the same again. Not with her.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Jeremy, you will never have peace until you get to the bottom of this (the truth). She did a particularly vile thing and pretty early on in your marriage. Who is the guy ? Did she know him before ? Why did she do this ? What exactly did she do and when ? How did she keep it from you ? Did she try and blame you for it ? Did she have any toxic friends/family who enabled this or even knew about it (they become your enemies) ? Were there any others (EA or PA) ? Details of these others, if they existed ? All these questions need to be answered.

I would say schedule a poly and be prepared to go through with divorce for a single lie - depending on the questions you prepare for the poly, she will come clean even before the actual poly (often called a parking lot confession).

All of that is just to get to the truth. Now depending on whether she told you all of the truth before the threat of a poly, you will need to go into deep or even deeper stealth mode monitoring.

Full transparency on all communications and whereabouts. No opposite sex friends without you there. No toxic friends/family. Full acceptance of her affair and true remorse being shown (proactive actions not words). She should be doing all this without you even asking for it.

If she doesn't own the affair completely she can never be truly remorseful.

Then and only then, can you decide if you want to stay with her. Also even though you say you had the kids after the affair had ended, you cannot be sure that the affair had ended - so I would also ask for a DNA test on the kids (I would do this even if you are sure the kids are yours to make her feel ashamed of her actions). I would also rain hell on the POSOM even after all this time. Without a doubt let his wife know. Blow him out of the water.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> You might not want to hear this nor, is it the best advice you will get, but I would think about finding a way to make her feel the same way you do right now, if you know what I mean.


Revenge affair? *Terrible advice.* OP, don't compromise your dignity to "get even"; either commit to your marriage or don't.

Now, about your marriage... It seems like you're in limbo, which truly does suck.

What assurances has your wife offered in order to assuage the pain and distrust that you feel as a result of her infidelity? Do you have passwords to her e-mail, social media accounts, phone, tablet, computer, etc? Also, simply deleting OM as a friend on FB is nowhere near enough, as he should be blocked as well. Has she written -- and allowed you to read and approve -- a "no contact" (NC) letter?

Assuming that he's married, has the affair been exposed to OM's wife?

You were in the dark regarding the affair until fairly recently, and both of your children were born between the supposed timeline of the affair and D-Day. Did I read this correctly? If so, *DNA your kids. One or both of them may not be your biological offspring.* I'm not saying that you can't or shouldn't continue to be a father to them if this turns out to be the case, but you deserve to know the absolute truth regarding your children's parentage. And so do they.

Any hysterical bonding (i.e. lots and lots of intense sex between yourself and your wife) since D-Day? Marriage or individual counseling?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Don't rug sweep this affair. That's the biggest mistake you can make.

Make sure your wife "owns" what she did. Expose her to her family and yours. She should accept it completely. If the OM is still with the woman he was with when the A went on, expose him to her.

Have her write a no-contact letter to him.

Have your children DNA tested.

Insist on complete, 100% transparency from her. She should be accountable for her time away from you. That should never change the rest of your marriage.

Does it get easier? I'll just say that it can be less painful in time, *IF* your wife demonstrates remorse and is willing to do the heavy lifting. Otherwise, it probably won't get easier.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you considered marriage counselling?

Have you talked about it?

You need to.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

This may have happen years ago for her but it is fresh for you

the DNA test is to show her how devastated you are in that you are not sure of anything in the marriage.

yes if I were you i would tell the OM wife if he has one or had one at the time.
and i would certainly not ask my WW if i could do this.
DO NOT tell her you are doing this.

if OM has a wife that was married to OM at the time of the affair she has every right to know

get ready for a long haul it takes 2 to 5 years for R with the right spouse (2 to 5 years from you discovery 3 weeks ago)

your wife will probably not get this because it was years ago for her


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## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

I got both my boys tested an they are mine. I sent the OMs wife a message outlining everything I knew about the affair and I sent the OM a message to never contact my wife again. Hysterical bonding?..I would say so yes...what does this indicate?..we are in this horrible pattern of almost daily frustration, questioning, yelling on my part...then makeup sex. We are going to our first counseling session together tomorrow...I have been to two sessions on my own.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hysterical bonding | Saving our marriage

Betrayed Wives' Club: Hysterical bonding or Why do I want sex with my unfaithful husband?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

It's good that you are going to counseling, and that you took active steps (like DNAing the kids) to show your wife how big a deal this is. She needs to tell you everything all at once--no "trickle truthing" or hiding things to "spare your feelings." The more of this she does the longer it will take to recover. Beware of a counselor who advises to "forget it and concentrate on the future." Your wife's task is to do what needs to be done to make you as confident as is possible (which will probably never again be 100 percent) that her transgression will not be repeated.

Three weeks is no time at all--hang in there.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I sent the OMs wife a message outlining everything I knew about the affair and I sent the OM a message to never contact my wife again.


Did you tell your wife that you were going to contact the OMW? If so she may have warned the OM and he intercepted your email to his wife. He also may have intercepted it because your email warned him. 

I have heard of an OM replying to the email as if he were the OMW saying that she never wanted to be contacted again. If you can confirm that the OMW got your email, do so.

You are in a bad situation in that your wife *may have *built up a good record as a wife and mother for the past several yours. You may have divorced her if you found out about it when it happened. 

Now it will be much harder to D. It would be like a convict escaping prison and living an exemplary life for years. If recaptured should they be put back in prison? What would it accomplish?

What would kill me is her keeping contact with the OM for years and reliving their fond memories even if the emails since the affair were relatively innocent (i.e. no sexting). Just being friends would be bad in that it would detract from your marriage. 

How close to you does the OM live? Has she taken any vacations without you over the years?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Will she give you the timeline of the affair and when it really stopped before you go to MC?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> You need full transparency. If he is on her phone and your wondering, then it is not full and true transparency. It is also telling an days something that she kept him around as a friend all of this time. If nothing was happening and ha happened since, then why keep him around and why delete him immediately when discovered.
> 
> Time to go into stealth mode as it seems that there may be more to this. Why else would she continue to carry on with him for 4 more years after the A was supposedly done (do the math, she had the A after year 3 and you saw 5 year old messages, that means that from year 3 to 7 she was still involved with him).
> 
> ...


:iagree:

And I think this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. She got away with an affair so early in the marriage.

This means she has crossed that mental line, and once you cross it, it becomes easier to cross the next time. Once a cheater always a cheater? Not always, but chances are good that if she got away with it once, there's a possibility of other undetected affairs. People don't usually stop unless they get caught, and then sometimes, that doesn't work either.

I'm wondering if she continued the affair or if there are OM2, OM3, etc, that he hasn't found out about yet.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Graywolf2 said:


> What would kill me is her keeping contact with the OM for years and reliving their fond memories even if the emails since the affair were relatively innocent (i.e. no sexting). Just being friends would be bad in that it would detract from your marriage.


:iagree:

That would enrage me no end. Reliving her betrayal of you because its such a fond memory for her. That would be a deal breaker for me. No R on the table no matter what.


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## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

I messaged the OMs wife about 30mins after I found out about the affair....and the OM the next day. The OMs wife never responded to my message so Im not sure she got it but assume she did. She gave me a false timeline initially indicating the affair was closer in time to the messages I found. She says she did this to save me some hurt regarding the 3yr time period from physical affair to messages found...5 days later she came clean about everything (So she says) and puts the physical affair in late 2005...messages I found are from early 2009. We had a rocky stretch in 2009 and she says they messaged back and forth a bit for comfort. He lived 30mins away by car until last year and now lives 2.5hours away. My wife travels for work an average of 4 days a month and I think that will be the toughest issue for me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Random thought... If I _could_ forgive and reconcile after a PA on my wife's part (and I couldn't/wouldn't), *what I absolutely would NOT be able to forgive is the fact that another man was inseminating my wife while she was breastfeeding one of my children and carrying the other.*


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Can only wonder of there were other times she stepped out of marriage.

She never confessed. 

You caught her.

You would never have found out if did not see the messages accidentally.

It was a 5 month affair. not drunk sex. Not a one night stand. 5 months she planned out everything and kept it very well hidden from you. Everytime she had sex, she knew what she was doing, yet still went through with it.

She is perfectly fine with lying and cheating on you. Obviously she had no signs of guilt.

She could have confessed before the kids. Yet she decided the rest of your life for you through lying.

You will probably never know why her affair ended.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> 3 weeks after D day its still the last thing I think about before sleep and the first thing when I open my eyes...Married for 12yrs together for 16. She had a 5 month physical affair year 3 of our marriage. I found out about this 3 weeks ago after she left her facebook messages open and I read some 5yr old messages from the OM and her fondly remembering that summer..After I confronted her she quickly deleted him as a friend and has allowed me access to her account...After the affair my wife and I had 2 kids and have enjoyed a very good marriage. I believe her when she says nothing has happened since (maybe I am naïve). I want to make us work since we have been so happy the last few years with our family...but every time I see her on her phone I wonder...is it just time that helps?..Am I stupid to think we can make it work?...Im not going to put myself through this if I will always worry..


I doubt if deep down you really believe her right now, you want to.. you need to.. but you can't. This is old for her, she knows it all.. you don't know anything, it's all new to you. You know she'll cheat, so now you're going to question that forever.. did she have other affairs? Who knows.. you know she'd go there, that much you do know. She's able to lie, to cheat, and to sneak around behind your back. She can live fine like that, sleep well... She'll need to face up to that, but few do. It's frightening to find something like that out. Take care of yourself and good luck. Be strong, don't let her bully you into sweeping it under the rug or minimizing it, or trying to blame you for it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

jeremyrob said:


> I messaged the OMs wife about 30mins after I found out about the affair....and the OM the next day. The OMs wife never responded to my message so Im not sure she got it but assume she did. She gave me a false timeline initially indicating the affair was closer in time to the messages I found. She says she did this to save me some hurt regarding the 3yr time period from physical affair to messages found...5 days later she came clean about everything (So she says) and puts the physical affair in late 2005...messages I found are from early 2009. We had a rocky stretch in 2009 and she says they messaged back and forth a bit for comfort. He lived 30mins away by car until last year and now lives 2.5hours away. My wife travels for work an average of 4 days a month and I think that will be the toughest issue for me.



I think we have a case of trickle truth here. 

I think you don't have the truth. Do you have ways to verify what she told you other than trusting her word for it and her tears ?

Read what you posted again. Doesn't make sense. She is lying.

Threaten a poly if you have to.



> .5 days later she came clean about everything


Sounds more like OM and her agreed upon a version of a story.

He live 30 mins away. the affair probably never even stopped


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I got both my boys tested an they are mine. I sent the OMs wife a message outlining everything I knew about the affair and I sent the OM a message to never contact my wife again. Hysterical bonding?..I would say so yes...what does this indicate?..we are in this horrible pattern of almost daily frustration, questioning, yelling on my part...then makeup sex. We are going to our first counseling session together tomorrow...I have been to two sessions on my own.


Don't yell.. don't call names.. stay calm and cool. It's hard, it's emotional trauma, but try to not lose your temper if you can.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I messaged the OMs wife about 30mins after I found out about the affair....and the OM the next day. The OMs wife never responded to my message so Im not sure she got it but assume she did. She gave me a false timeline initially indicating the affair was closer in time to the messages I found. She says she did this to save me some hurt regarding the 3yr time period from physical affair to messages found...5 days later she came clean about everything (So she says) and puts the physical affair in late 2005...messages I found are from early 2009. We had a rocky stretch in 2009 and she says they messaged back and forth a bit for comfort. He lived 30mins away by car until last year and now lives 2.5hours away. My wife travels for work an average of 4 days a month and I think that will be the toughest issue for me.


So it's safe to assume she's been sleeping with him up until last year and then it stopped, but they might still meet. She travels? She's been living a double life. Don't believe her bull.. you never get the truth that easily. Never. Ever. Only if they confess.. and even then you'll doubt it.

Assume worst case scenario.. She was heading over there in the mornings, taking entire days with him, for years.. 

All those fights you had, where you had no idea why she was angry, what was it about? why were you fighting? Now you know, you were the enemy, you were the bad guy.. her lover was the good guy. That's why you had a "rocky" stretch, your wife had a boyfriend.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

It's likely that the affair was current or at least pretty darn fresh.

You're being trickle-truthed, as others have commented.

Your wife has behaved abysmally and only told you anything because she slipped up.

If you hadn't caught her? Not a peep out of her.

My gut tells me that she is quite comfortable cheating on you. There is probably more to this story and maybe other OMs.

Time to investigate, get checked for STDs, etc.

It's almost a given that she is in damage control mode, deleting emails, web locations, etc.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

The fact that she kept in touch with him AFTER the affair and was reminiscing about it is a major red flag....there is way more to this story then you got...my bet is the PA may have been only a few months ( I think it was longer) but an EA could have gone on for years.....the bottom line is she is in trickle truth mode...


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

jeremyrob said:


> I messaged the OMs wife about 30mins after I found out about the affair....and the OM the next day. *The OMs wife never responded to my message so Im not sure she got it but assume she did. *


Don't at all assume she did. He could've easily gotten that message and deleted it. It's happened way too many times here. Move heaven and earth to talk to her personally.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> This means she has crossed that mental line, and once you cross it, it becomes easier to cross the next time... if she got away with it once, there's a possibility of other undetected affairs. People don't usually stop unless they get caught, and then sometimes, that doesn't work either.


If you robbed a bank, enjoyed spending the money and did no jail time would you rob another bank?

In this example spending the money is the equitant of having fond memories.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> I think we have a case of trickle truth here.
> 
> I think you don't have the truth. Do you have ways to verify what she told you other than trusting her word for it and her tears ?
> 
> ...


Its always trickle truth. Anyone here believe the five months she admitted too is correct?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I messaged the OMs wife about 30mins after I found out about the affair....and the OM the next day. The OMs wife never responded to my message so Im not sure she got it but assume she did. *She gave me a false timeline initially indicating the affair was closer in time to the messages I found. She says she did this to save me some hurt regarding the 3yr time period from physical affair to messages found...5 days later she came clean about everything (So she says) *and puts the physical affair in late 2005...messages I found are from early 2009. We had a rocky stretch in 2009 and she says they messaged back and forth a bit for comfort. He lived 30mins away by car until last year and now lives 2.5hours away. My wife travels for work an average of 4 days a month and I think that will be the toughest issue for me.


OK this tells me you do not have anywhere near the whole truth and could uncover a lot more! She is a liar! And continues to lie.



manfromlamancha said:


> Jeremy, you will never have peace until you get to the bottom of this (the truth). She did a particularly vile thing and pretty early on in your marriage. *Who is the guy ? Did she know him before ? Why did she do this ? What exactly did she do and when ? How did she keep it from you ? Did she try and blame you for it ? Did she have any toxic friends/family who enabled this or even knew about it (they become your enemies) ? Were there any others (EA or PA) ? Details of these others, if they existed ?* All these questions need to be answered.
> 
> I would say schedule a poly and be prepared to go through with divorce for a single lie - depending on the questions you prepare for the poly, she will come clean even before the actual poly (often called a parking lot confession).
> 
> ...


Have you got answers to the above ? You need to get them and then schedule a poly!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jeremy

Can I give you a little advice since you say you still love your wife.

Counseling is a good first step but hold your wifes feet to the fire. And make sure your marriage counselor does as well.

Why?

Because your wife is a liar. 
Because your wife is a cheater.
Because when there is stress in your marriage she reached out to her boyfriend instead of her husband.
Because once she crossed that boundary and let another person in your marriage without your permission it gets easier the 2nd time and 3rd time.

You need to make sure your wife not only loves you but only you.
You need to make sure your wife respects you. Not her BF.
You need to make sure your wife learns to respect herself as well as honor her vows.

But most importantly you need to make sure your wife understands what consequences will be forthcoming if she breaks any of her commitments to you.

Last but not least, make sure her family knows what se has done and that "you" are trying to save your marriage and family.

She deserves no secrecy about her misdeeds.

It is all about the consequences for some people.

Good Luck

HM


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Three weeks? Recovering from a spouse's affair usually takes years. And the triggers often last forever. 

Don't rug sweep or allow her to. Trust broken is very hard to get back. 

Know what you are facing.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I think you may need to do a polygraph test.
Sorry.


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

the affair well never leave you and you well never really trust her again. but you need to decide if you want to stay with here. and that's going to be up to you. but counseling will help you.


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## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Where and how do I line up a polygraph? Im assuming I don't take her to the police station?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

jeremyrob said:


> Where and how do I line up a polygraph? Im assuming I don't take her to the police station?


Find out who your local police use for a polygraph that's where I would start.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I assume you have been going through the phone records and seeing how many times she has called him in the past. I would not trust her at this point on anything she is telling you about the PA

She is going to only tell you what she thinks she has too. Have you exposed the A to your parents and hers?

I would put a VAR and GPS in her car, this will help with your trust issues

What ever happens in MC it is to be about her lying, cheating and betrayal, do not let her make this about what you were not giving her and she needed.

Sorry you are going through this. I have been dealing with a 9 month PA, I am not sure how I would feel about a 5 year PA.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

The polygraph in and of itself isn’t as important as the fear of the polygraph. Tell her that it’s her last chance to come clean and if you find out more later you will divorce. 

What you want is called a “parking lot confession.” She spills her guts in the parking lot on the way to the test. Go ahead and have the test done anyway no matter what she admits to on the way.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> The polygraph in and of itself isn’t as important as the fear of the polygraph. Tell her that it’s her last chance to come clean and if you find out more later you will divorce.
> 
> What you want is called a “parking lot confession.” She spills her guts in the parking lot on the way to the test. Go ahead and have the test done anyway no matter what she admits to on the way.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I found out about this 3 weeks ago after she left her facebook messages open and I read some *5yr old messages *from the OM and her fondly remembering that summer..After I confronted her she quickly deleted him as a friend and has allowed me access to her account.


She left her facebook open to 5 year old messages? Any messages more recent than 5years? She had him as a facebook friend for the last 5 years and had no contact?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> She left her facebook open to 5 year old messages? Any messages more recent than 5years? She had him as a facebook friend for the last 5 years and had no contact?


Sounds like there is way more to this story.
This just doesn't add up.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Just remember you are new at this. I did not sleep well for months, I either starved my self or gorged myself as well.

What is eating you up is that you really do not know what the truth is. You may be afraid to ask questions.

I know some men do not want to know but I made my wife tell me everything. Did she do this with him or that, did they use protection or not. How is my performance and so on.

Go see your doctor or a check up. Let him know what is going on and what is going on with sleeping and eating. Go join a gym or a softball league anything where you can get out and break a sweat. 

When the mind movies start go do something with the kids. It really helps


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Sounds like there is way more to this story.
> This just doesn't add up.


Start digging around the "Archived" folder for any messages that may be in there. Might be too late though, as she's likely deleted anything damning at this point.

Keylogger time!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

tom67 said:


> Sounds like there is way more to this story.
> This just doesn't add up.


I think 5 year old msgs were the one she probably forgot about to delete.

tell her that you intend to make her take test and ask her to come clean. else you will divorce her and expose her to the family. give her an incentive to come clean


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> Where and how do I line up a polygraph? Im assuming I don't take her to the police station?


Call your local police ask for the # of who they use. Ask her every question under the sun about the affair or any other suspected cheating and record it or have it written down. After she does be frank tell her you don't trust her and that you scheduled a polygraph for like a week later (schedule for ASAP) and she has to take it for the CHANCE at staying together. She got until the day of to alter her answers, then they're set. She passes try your hardest, if she doesn't move on.

Just know the test its self isn't the part that really matters. Its the fact that most people are ignorant of how polygraphs work. Most people that are lying freak out and confess or alter their stories last minute (aka a Parking Lot Confession). The best example I know of on TAM was the guy whose wife originally admitted to an ONS with boss but after that they were just friends. After polygraph her story morphed into a 6/7 year EA/PA.

Some people doubt their accuracy and don't feel they are reliable. Well since law enforcement, intelligence agencies, and armed forces around the world feel safe using them to help catch criminals and terrorist, I felt pretty good using it on something as relatively simple as confirming the story of a cheating spouse.

BTW I went the poly route with my wife. And if yours is truly remorseful and being honest she'd be jumping at the chance to take it to prove herself.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Is she willing to write a timeline?

And go see the POSOM's spouse. Give her copies of the evidence.

Make sure that your wife helps you to expose her affair.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> Is she willing to write a timeline?
> 
> And go see the POSOM's spouse. Give her copies of the evidence.
> 
> *Make sure that your wife helps you to expose her affair.*


This is a big measuring stick for her level of remorse. If she truly is remorseful, then she'll have no problem exposing herself to friends and family for what she's done to you and your family.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Philat said:


> It's good that you are going to counseling......
> 
> Three weeks is no time at all--hang in there.


*Exactly! There weeks is nothing! *Really, do not judge this by three weeks! It's been a year and a half for me and I just realized it's not eating at me anymore. I still think about it, but it seems very distant. Now I will say that my WW had done *everything* I have asked and more. She truely is a different person (or the woman I married, but better). I don't know if I could do this without her being who she is now, probably not *but the point is, it can be done, and it can get better.* It's hard, but I'm glad I did it. 

Note: I have been married 36 years, so I have a lot of investment in this marraige and so does my wife.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Revenge affair? *Terrible advice.* OP, don't compromise your dignity to "get even"; either commit to your marriage or don't.


I don't know about that. It's only a bad idea if you forget to video it to play it back for her. She deserves it .... Assuming she cares.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> I don't know about that. It's only a bad idea if you forget to video it to play it back for her. She deserves it .... Assuming she cares.


I'll use your own signature to make my point...

Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom.
Being able to, is courage.
Walking away with your head held high, is dignity.
"If more people were judgmental, then there would be less infidelity"


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