# Newly Married Decreasing Sex



## Big Bird (Sep 4, 2014)

New to this site, but have seen great conversations so thought I would get some feed back. Newly married for just a year +, have kids/stepkids in the house and hundreds of activities to get them too. Before being married and living together, Sex was fantastic, Blow jobs, lots of oral, toys, and my favorite "Foot Play". Since moving in, seems to be lots of excuses as to why we can't……I'm affectionate, Love touching, feet, toes, legs, hands etc. She is not. I get disappointed when nothing happens, and she does'nt seem to get it. I tell her even a quickie would be nice once in a while. She tells me if I want something to ask, i do and it rarely happens, i.e…I ask for a foot job, I get a hand job, I ask for a blow job, i get a hand job. Not that I dislike hand jobs, but…I do what she "asks" and still don't get what I want? Any thoughts?:scratchhead:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How long did you date? Do you feel like she did a bait and switch?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

DO NOT let this happen. Put your foot down. There is NO reason, other than psychological, for a woman to slow down sex the minute you get married. Point out to her that sex is part of the marriage contract, and you will be leaving if she breaks that contract.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Where you both just as busy before you got married? If not why has that changed?

Do not allow this to continue. Either you two adjust your life and activities so that there is plenty of time for each other or there is no reason to be married. Don't put up with it.

Get the book "His Needs, Her Needs". Read it. The book will help you talk with her about your needs. Get her to read it as well. then negotiate life changes that fix this problem.

If she's not willing to do that.. end the marriage.


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

Don't let inertia set in and find yourself back here in 10 years with nothing changed. Take care of it now!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

4x4 said:


> Don't let inertia set in and find yourself back here in 10 years with nothing changed. Take care of it now!


It's just plain stupid.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> Put your foot down.



:rofl:

Have you tried to slow down the activities any?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It does sound like bait and switch. My ex did that (no kids at the time, though), and had I known that's what it was, and that things would only get much worse as time went on, I'd have divorced her immediately instead of wasting many of the best years of my life on her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Big Bird said:


> New to this site, but have seen great conversations so thought I would get some feed back. Newly married for just a year +, have kids/stepkids in the house and hundreds of activities to get them too. Before being married and living together, Sex was fantastic, Blow jobs, lots of oral, toys, and my favorite "Foot Play". Since moving in, seems to be lots of excuses as to why we can't……I'm affectionate, Love touching, feet, toes, legs, hands etc. She is not. I get disappointed when nothing happens, and she does'nt seem to get it. I tell her even a quickie would be nice once in a while. She tells me if I want something to ask, i do and it rarely happens, i.e…I ask for a foot job, I get a hand job, I ask for a blow job, i get a hand job. Not that I dislike hand jobs, but…I do what she "asks" and still don't get what I want? Any thoughts?:scratchhead:



This is what we call "bait and switch" for a LD spouse. Sex is adventurous and just enough to make you think, marrying her is the right thing to do? Then after you get married, maybe even have kids, the sex drops right off, sex is a chore to her, all the adventurous sex she used to have with you stops and she is clueless.

She was probably LD from the beginning but gave you just enough adventurous sex to fool you into marrying her. Now her true self is out......

She is supposed to take care of your needs as her own and not what she wants, out of love and that she finds you sexually hot.

She knew you were HD and loved to have adventurous sex with her. It's not difficult for her to go on sexual advice forums, see the Doctor, go to the gym, and take some natural supplements to get her in the mood. Or she can do nothing......

LD spouses to be, must be selfishingly honest with themselves about sex. If they really don't like sex much and aren't willing to take care of their spouses needs as their own, they should remain single or marry a LD friend.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Where you both just as busy before you got married? If not why has that changed?
> 
> Do not allow this to continue. Either you two adjust your life and activities so that there is plenty of time for each other or there is no reason to be married. Don't put up with it.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Unless you are prepared to embrace a diminishing sex life, you may be better served divorcing your wife as soon as possible.

Good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Big Bird 
Maybe she will have sex if it is mutually pleasurable? My suggestion is to have sex only if your wife has a chance of an orgasm along with you. Get into the pattern of mutually enjoyable sex. When she gives you a bj, hj, fj, make sure you take care of her first. Quickies - limit these to times when she offers. 

Just a thought.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

She got you.

She gave you what you wanted and then you gave her what she wanted. In her mind, it's even now and time to play family. 

If she still acts clueless a couple months from now, divorce her because it will be all downhill from here. The hand jobs will stop eventually, you will stop asking eventually, and the story of the millions is told again.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I'm not as certain as most on here that this is always a conscious "bait and switch". That implies planning and intentions that I just don't think is usually there.

I think that a lot of this is due to many women having responsive desire. After a year or so, the newness and excitement fades and, with it, their "impulsive desire". They need to know how important it is to you. Its like going to the gym. You're never in the "mood" for going (especially when you haven't gone in a while) and its hard to get yourself off the couch and go. But, when you do, you feel better and the more you do it the more you want to. Don't let this slip past you. 

If she loves you and cares about your happiness, she'll respond. If she doesn't, then she's self-centered and does not care about your pleasure. Then its time to go whether its a "bait and switch" or not.


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