# Letting Yourself Go



## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

In a lot of these posts I see women say that they've gained weight, that they've let themselves go, or that they don't wear "sexy" clothes that much anymore... Why is it a woman's responsibility to keep the sex alive? What do men do for us? They get older, fatter, and hairy. They don't have the pressures women do to go buy lingerie, get waxed, stay in shape, get hair done, or anything of the sort. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

everyone should do what they can to stay attractive to their partner. 

if your man isn't doing anything for you like that,it's because you allow him to slack off by accepting him...fatter,hairy,etc. 

if he expects things from you...you have every right to expect the same in return. if you choose not to expect the same,that's on you...not on the man.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I do agree with Scarlet, but also see that society and the media really puts the pressure on women about this and none of that on men. Life is not "fair" in that sense, but it is something to be discussed between the spouses to make sure each of them are doing their part to stay attractive to the other.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head, unshaven face, logo T-shirt, beer gut, track pants ( with a hole in them), socks with sandals and still think they're sexy...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i think women put more pressure on women than men put on women.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Yup. It's all a big competition where I work...between the women!

About staying sexy looking, etc. I have ramped it down since marriage, because I don't want to attract unwanted male attention. And I don't want H to think I'm trying to attract any male attention...! Can't win, lol...


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

Sometimes I think that men like it when other men look at their women, as long as they are hands off of course. When I ask my H's opinion about clothing for an event, he always picks the more revealing option!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

funtimes said:


> In a lot of these posts I see women say that they've gained weight, that they've let themselves go, or that they don't wear "sexy" clothes that much anymore... Why is it a woman's responsibility to keep the sex alive? What do men do for us? They get older, fatter, and hairy. They don't have the pressures women do to go buy lingerie, get waxed, stay in shape, get hair done, or anything of the sort. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this!


No, men can let their beer bellies hang out with no shirt on. They can show lots of back hair or ear or extra nose hair. Society doesn't really frown on that. God forbid a woman go outside in a sports bar with her beer belly showing. Well, you can see women like that at certain stores in certain parts of the town in my state, but that's another story. 

I don't know about your husband but my husband tries to stay in shape so I do the same. He hasn't gotten fatter or more hairy. I think it's only fair I do my best to look good for my age. I think some of the saddest people I know are people who have given up on themselves.


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

My H is lucky and has a great metabolism and doesn't have to do anything to stay in shape! I have to watch what I eat and stay active  I wish I had his metabolism!!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband may not have the pressure of staying 'sexy' but he has plenty of other pressures. Overall it's balanced in terms of the effort we put into our marriage.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

funtimes said:


> In a lot of these posts I see women say that they've gained weight, that they've let themselves go, or that they don't wear "sexy" clothes that much anymore... *Why is it a woman's responsibility to keep the sex alive? What do men do for us? They get older, fatter, and hairy. They don't have the pressures women do to go buy lingerie, get waxed, stay in shape, get hair done, or anything of the sort. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this!*



My thoughts are you're dead wrong. 

Let's see, how much profit does Rogaine, Hair Clubs, Viagra, Cialis make? 

There are men who are content in letting themselves go, just like there are women who are as well. In this day and age, I think there are plenty of pressures to go around. I had "let myself go" actually before I met my wife. She likes em Average, dark and beefy...LOL well that's me. She's NEVER ONCE complained about me or not found me attractive, but I feel like I should do better. Are women more inundated with body image, yes. Is it 90% to 10%...not even close. Look at how many ads have guys with no shirts, etc. Marketing companies play the body image issue to a T and they're not prejudiced against men or women unfortunately.

If it's any consolation, as I've told my wife MANY TIMES. If women could understand what men ACTUALLY find attractive and sexy, you'd be less hung up on "that last 10 pounds" and more hung up on flaunting what you got (to your man of course). The "IDEAL" woman to a man versus the "IDEAL" woman to other women and even what seems like society as a whole are VERY DIFFERENT. I don't find skinny 6 foot tall amazon "super" models with no "cushion" and sunken faces and not much "curves" to be attractive at all. If a 12 year old boy was very skinny and 6 feet tall, he'd probably look just like them. Sorry not my thing. 

Give me Kat Dennings/Christina Hendricks body type over Twiggy (or insert any supermodel here). HELL give me the actress from Drop Dead Diva (the brunette main character) over most super models. I find her sexy.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I blame the media, not men and women individually. The older I get the less inclined I am to let it bug me, but from time to time it still does. As long as my guy still wants sex with me, I am fine for the most part


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Whilst the media might play a part in this, I do think we get what we expect. I couldn't tolerate a man who didn't take care of himself, anymore than I'd expect him to tolerate me. Making the best of ourselves, IMO, is a sign of self-respect and respect for our partners.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H fights the weight gain more than me but he works harder at keeping his weight down than me too. I really feel for him sometimes...he just love love loves his food!

We exercise together, keep up the hygiene and personal grooming. We do it for ourselves and each other. So in our marriage this isn't an issue.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I agree with Dad&Hubby up there... ya know people are different, I like my men lanky, if their six pack ripples are too bulgy, I even find that a turn off.

Was hanging with a GF the other night, she was telling me how she likes 'em BEEFY, Tall BIG men....and no offense, my husband is a great guy - but too thin.....Have another GF who likes 'em bald & muscly...that is the total opposite of what works for me... Give me Kurt Cobain & Axel Rose back in the day...Mmmmmmm. 

We have a Guy friend who prefers Plus size women.... now I know that ain't the norm....but it's his attraction.. he married my friend - bigger all her life....was made fun of in school even ....he's loved her forever - meeting in their teens....And he is as thin as my husband. 

So attraction varies.... it is so individualized. 

Very few men expect a super model...unless maybe they are famous themselves. I think our "*attitudes*", how we carry ourselves, go a long way in attracting the opposite sex.... I've seen threads on here - which would a man prefer....*#1* ... average looking - a few extra pounds -but self confident, great personality - loves sex.... VS...*#2* - the super model, she's got it all in hot looks, tremendous to carry on his arm but her personality is lacking /not that great in bed. 

Hands down, all the men chose #1....everyone of them, it's not about competing with these Babes. 

Be the best you can BE, work with that you have going on. 



> *funtimes says*: Why is it a woman's responsibility to keep the sex alive? What do men do for us? They get older, fatter, and hairy. They don't have the pressures women do to go buy lingerie, get waxed, stay in shape, get hair done, or anything of the sort. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this!


I look at this as an attitude...again... At the end of the day, every one of us should want to present our BEST to our spouse... so they WANT to partake & get down & dirty. 

Not sure about you, but it's damn important to me that my husband desires me... That reason alone is enough to put in the "effort" - but more than anything, it makes us feel good about ourselves too!! 



> *Cosmos said *: Whilst the media might play a part in this, I do think we get what we expect. I couldn't tolerate a man who didn't take care of himself, anymore than I'd expect him to tolerate me. *Making the best of ourselves, IMO*, *is a sign of self-respect and respect for our partners.*


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> If it's any consolation, as I've told my wife MANY TIMES. If women could understand what men ACTUALLY find attractive and sexy, you'd be less hung up on "that last 10 pounds" and more hung up on flaunting what you got (to your man of course). The "IDEAL" woman to a man versus the "IDEAL" woman to other women and even what seems like society as a whole are VERY DIFFERENT. I don't find skinny 6 foot tall amazon "super" models with no "cushion" and sunken faces and not much "curves" to be attractive at all. If a 12 year old boy was very skinny and 6 feet tall, he'd probably look just like them. Sorry not my thing.
> 
> Give me Kat Dennings/Christina Hendricks body type over Twiggy (or insert any supermodel here). HELL give me the actress from Drop Dead Diva (the brunette main character) over most super models. I find her sexy.


My husband could have written this part of the post. He would give you an :iagree:

He also finds Kat Dennings and Christina Hendricks sexy. Funny you mentioned them. I think the only reason we watch Two Broke Girls is because of Kat Dennings.:rofl:


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Yeah... I feel ya sista (OP).

I've let myself go... and it's all my fault he's not into me anymore. It's all my fault he's not healthy either. It's all my fault that I don't look like the girl he married.

Well.. I'm 50 lbs heavier than when married. He's probably 40 lbs heavier. He smokes.. & has more stress, but has no responsibility about the household bills. (That's all on me).

And yet, when my feeble attempts to make him happy, or satisfy him don't work.. you guessed it.. It's all my fault.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> Yeah... I feel ya sista (OP).
> 
> I've let myself go... and it's all my fault he's not into me anymore. It's all my fault he's not healthy either. It's all my fault that I don't look like the girl he married.
> 
> ...


Sorry Chelle, I feel for you. I truly do. There's not enough appreciation in relationships. Noone likes to admit that they "let themselves go" but if both parties are doing it, then one shouldn't complain about the other or hold the other responsible. That falls under the "C'est La Vie" situation. 

I always think of the hand in a relationship, when you have one finger pointing at your spouse, you have 3 pointing at yourself. Accept that percentage of responsibility. 

Your thumb is kinda the wildcard but who listens to thumbs anyway.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My guy stays in shape. He's not a gym buff by any means but he is aware of his fitness, weight and health. If he feels his clothes getting tighter (and it's not muscle), he'll do something about it. He cares if I like his hair style and shirts he chooses and such. Attraction is more than looks but I do feel he's aware of keeping me attracted and taking pride for himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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