# Sexual Pleasure Help



## fireemtmom7 (Nov 3, 2009)

My hubby and I have been married for 17 years. The first 10 were wonderful sexually. Then I had a hysterectomy and it now takes a lot longer for me to reach orgasm. Well after several years of being one sided sex life, I shut down all my feelings and would just lay there and not expect anything and sex ended up being maybe 1 every 2 mos. Recently we decided that we needed to rekindle our love for one another. Well the problem is again it is one sided intercourse. Hubby gets off and I am left laying there. Well I am frustrated again and now am totally turned off because I know I wont get off. So last night I told him how I felt and again it was a wham bam thank you mam session. From entering to him orgasm was less than 45 seconds. He claims that it is the fact that he dont get it everyday. With my job I am away from home for 48-96 hours at a time. What are some suggestions from men and woman on things we can do either together or solo to help with this situation. He has tried the pull out, but I personally dont like this as then I lay there and the mood goes away.


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

I am so sorry for your situation. I don't think I have any real answers, as my wife has not had to deal with a hysterectomy, but I do know it can effect your sexual desire and lower your ability to achieve orgasm. 

On the male side, if your husband can't last long he should at least be doing the other things to bring you pleasure (using his fingers or oral) I feel really bad that he's not even attempting that.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I have this problem with my wife from time to time. Not quite 45 seconds but there are times that I'll only last a couple of minutes. I'm fortunate where usually my wife gets to an O very quickly and she prefers the short sessions (5 minutes of intercourse is pretty average for us). But sometimes I can't hold back for for more then maybe 2 minutes and she won't get to orgasm and will be frustrated but won't let me do anything about it. I would LOVE to work on getting her to orgasm but once I've cum she loses all interest, even though I'm enthusiastically willing to to whatever I can. 

Can he do something else to get you to orgasm when he finished too quickly? (fingers, vibrator, oral) Or have you tried making sure you orgasm first, before intercourse? I usually prefer to orgasm with my wife but occasionally I have her orgasm first (usually by the use a vibrator on her while kissing her mouth and body). Then she's ready for sex and at least I know she's had a a satisfying sexual experience. Or what about using a vibrator during intercourse? He could pull out and continue using the vibrator on you so you don't lose momentum. 

I deal with a similar issue because I have a huge sex drive and would like it daily but we only have sex once every week or 2. Unfortunately I've never been able to put this theory to test but in my mind if I had more sex I wouldn't be thinking about it all the time and my sexual tension would be reduced which to me seems like it would mean I wouldn't pop off so quick. For example if I was having sex everyday I wouldn't have days or weeks of sexual frustration built up. I share this because maybe you could try this out for a while to see if it makes a difference? Have sex with him all the time, as much as he can take for a few weeks and see how his it is. 

One other thing you might try is to get him off before hand if you know you're going to have sex that night. Maybe an hour or 2 before hand (depends on how long he takes to recover) give him a quick BJ or handjob or have him go rub one out. Maybe that will help him not be as sensitive and he'll last longer.

Since you posted here hopefully you're willing to try some things and not just be frustrated that he won't last that long. I personally feel a huge amount of frustration that once in a while it becomes an issue between us and my wife will be (understandably) upset over not having an orgasm a couple times in a row. But then she won't do anything except expect me to somehow last longer next time. When I offer suggestions such as I've made to you they go no where and she won't participate in the solution. Sometimes the pressure of worrying about whether or not you're going to be able to last long enough puts even more pressure on and makes it even worse! So it's understandable that you're upset with the situation but hopefully you're willing to be a partner and put in some real effort and not just expect him to magically change.


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## fireemtmom7 (Nov 3, 2009)

Yes I am willing to try different things. But need ideas as to what we can do. Does he need to masturbate when I am gone? What are step that we both can do? He claims he dont masturbate ( I say BS)


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

fireemtmom7 said:


> He has tried the pull out, but I personally dont like this as then I lay there and the mood goes away.


You simply have to let him pull out and put it in as many times as he needs to. In time he will learn incredible self control. This is how I learned to last all day. And I mean all day 

Like you, my wife objected at first. But she did not object to the end result 

I covered it briefly here:

You say he says he would do better if you had sex more often. There could be some truth in that. How often do you do it at the moment.


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