# Is sexting cheating



## Wanttomoveon (4 mo ago)

Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

It is most definitely cheating.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Yes, it is cheating - and it's a double betrayal because your "BFF" was the other party. I hope that's a former BFF... 

You can't forgive someone that quickly, but 9 years is also a really long time. If you are still crying about it every day and having it affect you and your marriage this much, then you really need to see a therapist (likely individually and together). Infidelity cannot be swept under the rug. The result is still suffering 9 years later...


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Yes it's cheating, your heart says so by the pain! 24 years ago I caught up in a chat room and went way over the line. My wife found out didn't tell me, but within days of her knowing I told her of the chat room. Took her to it and let her see the whole frigging mess! She has forgiven me yes. Never forgot! She still hurts to this day. I didn't just hurt her, but other person and their spouse as well. Biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. I have never, ever compromised the integrity of our marriage after this. She did learn to trust me, though it took time.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Sexting is cheating. Cheating entails any activity with another person that secretly includes physical or communicative interaction. In other words if the communication was secretive, then it falls into the category of an emotional affair. 

Sexting is considered secret, intimate communication. If you and others weren't supposed to find out then it was a secret between the two parties.. It's pretty simple. Don't let him or anyone else gas light you.


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## bob997 (5 mo ago)

I guess I’m a sexting virgin and can’t wrap my head around what it even means… they were literally texting each other about sex acts they would like to perform on each other? I’ve never even sexted my wife of thirty years- just would feel so weird. Yeah, I couldn’t get over that.

… maybe they were just discussing sexual topics back and forth or something… I might be able to forgive that.. let’s say my wife was coaching my bff about women or something and speaking generally about sex?

Sorry. I’m probably another generation and can’t even imagine what youngsters text back and forth these days…


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it is.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

bob997 said:


> they were literally texting each other about sex acts they would like to perform on each other?


That's usually what it means, though it's not limited to that. It's texts meant to turn each other on, and often includes pictures and/or videos that are suggestive or nude and may also include touching/toys.


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## Wanttomoveon (4 mo ago)

bobert said:


> That's usually what it means, though it's not limited to that. It's texts meant to turn each other on, and often includes pictures and/or videos that are suggestive or nude and may also include touching/toys.


There were no pictures/videos, just texting sexual things


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

It depends.
I hesitate to define it as cheating (depending on the extent and content/level of the sexting) - but it is absolutely inappropriate, it is a violation of marital trust and boundaries, and it is a betrayal of a spouse and marriage.

It is a big deal, and it’s understandable that you are struggling to move past it.
Nine years is a long time though, so I’m guessing that this wasn’t adequately dealt with at the time.
If you want to move forward in your marriage, it will helpful if you can forgive him. But he needs to earn that opportunity to reconcile, and it doesn’t sound like you made him do that 9 years ago.

individual therapy might be helpful for you to work through this this situation.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Out of curiosity…How do you know nothing physical happened?

Yes. That is cheating. You were betrayed by your husband and your friend. I’m sorry they did that to you, that’s messed up.


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## bob997 (5 mo ago)

Is bff married? Did she get away scot free?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes. It is a form of cheating.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

If he was doing it and hiding it from you it is cheating , 
worse if it is still affecting you 9 weeks later not to talk about 9 years later , you need help to get past it in one way or the other , holding in how you feel about it is all so cheating , 

better to be honest tell him how you feel ,


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

Yes, sexting is cheating. 

OP if you cry daily. and can't get past him sexting NINE years ago, you really should consider therapy.

Nine years is a long time to still be so distraught over sexting. How can you claim to have a happy marriage, if you're still crying regularly over something from NINE YEARS ago?? That says you don't trust him, or feel secure in your marriage. I hope you seek help to get past this situation that is obviously still so upsetting to you.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I consider to be cheating because it's a betrayal, especially if it were with one of my close friends. That's just beyond the pale of wrongness. Many cheaters who ''sext,'' usually use the line that ''it wasn't an affair, we were just talking. I wasn't going to do anything.'' But, the betrayal and lies would be enough for me to consider it a deal breaker.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Of course it's cheating!

And it doesn't sound like you and husband have processed it at all! 

It can be moved past. But NOT just by waiting. Time does not heal all wounds.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> individual therapy might be helpful for you to work through this this situation.


Noooooooooo! It *has* to be couple work. Which one of them do you think needs individual therapy? There is no way to fix this separately.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Yep it is.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Yes


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Yes, in all forms


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Laurentium said:


> Noooooooooo! It *has* to be couple work. Which one of them do you think needs individual therapy? There is no way to fix this separately.


Unless the cheater acknowledged the cheating couple's counselling might not work.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Yup, that's definitely cheating. It sounds like you guys need some couples counselling and you maybe need some individual counselling.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

It's cheating. He was having his sexual needs met by someone else via electronic communication. Having any needs normally fulfilled in marriage taken care of by a third party is definitely cheating.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the cheater acknowledged the cheating couple's counselling might not work.


Ok, but she did say she caught him.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

In some ways it’s worse. Mine was doing it in the bedroom while I was downstairs. Video chatting a mutual masturbation session with her bf. 🤮


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yes its cheating and made even worse because it was between 2 people you trusted. However, 9 years is a very long time to still be so unhappy and crying so often about it. How did the 2 of you deal with this? Was he completely repentant? Did you cut her out of your lives? Did you have Marriage Counselling? Do you trust him now?

I would strongly suggest that you find a good Marriage Counsellor and work through this .


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

[email protected] straight it's cheating.

Can you give some examples of what they were texting to each other?

How did you find out?

Is this BFF married or have a boyfriend?

If so Did do you tell them what was going on?

I would hope that you kicked this so-called friend to the curb?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

sideways said:


> Can you give some examples of what they were texting to each other?


Please don't do that here


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Yes, it's cheating IMO. Same as an emotional affair even if something physical doesn't happen. Cheating in my book.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Wanttomoveon said:


> There were no pictures/videos, just texting sexual things


Yes it is cheating, to me fantasizing about others that are not your spouse is also.


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## KayJC (5 mo ago)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


A 3 letter word can answer this.
Yes.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Yes, it absolutely is cheating. Even if they weren't discussing sexual relations - any form of secrecy is wrong.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

It is.

YOU, and only YOU, are the one he ought to be intimating with. 

Make it very clear to him that you are the mother of his children.


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## masterofmasters (Apr 2, 2021)

your husband and best friend...smh! how incredibly stupid! do you live close to her? if you do, yikes!

i would categorize this garbage as cheating and worse. i think of my best friend as family. and family affairs are the worst kind.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Definitely cheating.

You rug swept the whole thing and never worked through what happened.

I suggest a trauma therapist to help you work through it.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Yes, it was cheating. The question is do you want to end the marriage or do you want to try to work on saving the marriage. You get to choose. But if you want to save the marriage, the two of you will have to work out how you can forgive him, build trust and look at the future (without looking at the past).


Figure out what YOU want and then work to make it happen. Good luck.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Yes it's cheating.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Cheating or not, it is something you need to resolve. You say you have no one to talk to so it sounds like time to get some counseling. You DO need someone to talk to .

Personally, I would consider my wife doing this as violating trust. I definitely would not be happy with it.


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## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Yes, it is cheating - and it's a double betrayal because your "BFF" was the other party. I hope that's a former BFF...
> 
> You can't forgive someone that quickly, but 9 years is also a really long time. If you are still crying about it every day and having it affect you and your marriage this much, then you really need to see a therapist (likely individually and together). Infidelity cannot be swept under the rug. The result is still suffering 9 years later...


Completely agree. Well said


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

ARE you still friends with your BFF ?
Is so why ? She betrayed your trust and your marriage...Do you know who initiated it to start with ? Just curious 🤔


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Did you tell your BFFs husband and give him the right to know what his wife was doing ? 
If I or one of the men here offered to do the same with you do you think your husband would be happy to read it and help us improve our skills at sext ?

Is sex with a prostitute cheating ,or does he think its not because your paying for it, service industry like paying for dinner ,


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Yes it is....he's looking to do things he's likely not doing with you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If your BFF was sexting back that's a terrible betrayal as well. I can see why you'd be so upset especially if she was sexting back.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If your BFF was sexting back that's a terrible betrayal as well. I can see why you'd be so upset especially if she was sexting back.


 was why I asked if she had told the bff s husband ,


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Anytime your spouse keeps things a secret from you - it’s building a wedge in the marriage. Coupled with it being your best friend… well, it’s time to eliminate that “friend”. She isn’t a friend. She isn’t protecting your marriage.
If your husband won’t change - it’s not worth staying with him.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Wanttomoveon said:


> Nine years ago I caught my hubby sexting my bff, we’re happily married, great kids, great sex. Nothing physical happened, I said I forgave them, I don’t, I love my hubby so much, but I can’t seem to move past this, I cry everyday, I say stuff to him about it, I want to move past this and I have no one to talk to


Yes, there about 100 infidelities, wise up


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

It happened nine years ago and you had decided to move on. If I were you, I would forgive both of them and move on. Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping the person who hurt you dies. It is going to affect you more than them. Forgive, forget and move on would be my advice.

Through forgiveness you would receive freedom.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Sexting is a form of cheating because in layman`s terms it means being intimate with a person of the opposite sex other than a wife or husband, even if not actually being physical.
It`s still crossing the boundaries.


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