# feeling very lost and hopeless



## worriedwithfear (Sep 3, 2017)

Not sure where to start with this and obviously I don't want to go into a life story. However it is always difficult detailing ones circumstances without necessary information.
Last month I returned after a few months in S America. Before I left I was in a contracted role in the civil service which I didn't mind doing and would have carried on there, however I didn't get the permanent job when it was offered. I had 4 other interviews for other roles but was not successful despite coming very close to getting one of them. I was torn about whether to travel or carry on looking for work but in the end I went for this trip. It was good trip, no regrets on that aspect.

Now I've been back for more than a month and it's been a very difficult time. I feel very anxious, low motivation, self pity and generally extremely disappointed with myself and my life. I have been here before though, story of my life.

I'll be in my mid thirties in a few weeks time and the very thought of it is making me very anxious and in a panic. This is because I'm feeling completely lost and so far behind in life. I have no partner, no career and no job for now, no home (I live with family at the moment). I have nothing going for me. I am trying not to feel like a failure but it is how I feel. I never thought that I would reach this stage of my life and have very little to show for it. I do want to settle down, meet someone, have a family etc. but these things you cannot control of course. I have tried and keep trying but I think it's more to do with not really having that focus on what I actually want. I've thought about seeing a career coach but with the fees that they charge it's probably unrealistic at the moment.

For most of my life I have had no clue as to what to do with myself. I've struggled with depression etc so that hasn't helped. I enjoy travelling, sport, aviation, movies etc. but so do alot of people. As I said I was comfortable in working in the large government depts. where I've been before as I didn't mind the environment and lack of corporate culture. I would love to live and work abroad as I've been settled in the UK for too long now. Problem is I'm not an engineer or doctor where I can just take my skills anywhere. I would settle for an ok job in a place like this, someone to come home to and a modest place to live. That's not much to ask for yet I've never even come close to getting there. I have been stuck in this same place for so many years.

I know I'm not exactly old to start over but I feel so far behind other people my age who are already settled into careers. What are my options at this stage? I worry too about meeting a woman who will accept my situation and circumstances. Being bald doesn't help either.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When were traveling in South America, was it for your job or were you doing this for personal reasons?


----------



## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Until you find your career path you will flounder and be lost. So renew your search. Take inventory of your skills, talents, and passions and line them up with career choices. If you have a good work ethic, a resolute heart, a positive attitude, and you persevere through challenges you will find your place. But put 100% in the search, and be willing to invest a few short years in starting from the ground floor. There is still time. But you have to get intense in your search right now. When the career gets in order, hopefully the dominoes will start falling in the right direction for you.


----------



## worriedwithfear (Sep 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> When were traveling in South America, was it for your job or were you doing this for personal reasons?


It was for personal reasons but I did do some work out there for a while. I almost didn't go but looking back I'm glad I did.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Sounds like you may have put your worries on hold when you took the trip and they came back with a vengeance on your return. If you try to pursue too many thing at once,you can feel overwhelmed. So maybe set some priorities. The first could be your job situation. Get some help in identifying where you would like to see yourself and what you need to do to get there. Being static and living in a kind of limbo will only add fuel to your fears. At your age you have plenty of time to get where you want to be.

When you do get stable on the job front I can only imagine that it will add to your confidence in a lot of areas,including developing relationships. As far as being bald,look around. There are a lot of us brother and it is a norm we see every day.

Don't be hard on yourself and pat yourself on the back when you can. Good luck and take care!


----------



## worriedwithfear (Sep 3, 2017)

TBT said:


> Sounds like you may have put your worries on hold when you took the trip and they came back with a vengeance on your return. If you try to pursue too many thing at once,you can feel overwhelmed. So maybe set some priorities. The first could be your job situation. Get some help in identifying where you would like to see yourself and what you need to do to get there. Being static and living in a kind of limbo will only add fuel to your fears. At your age you have plenty of time to get where you want to be.
> 
> When you do get stable on the job front I can only imagine that it will add to your confidence in a lot of areas,including developing relationships. As far as being bald,look around. There are a lot of us brother and it is a norm we see every day.
> 
> Don't be hard on yourself and pat yourself on the back when you can. Good luck and take care!


Thank you for understanding and showing some empathy, you have to be one of the few people on this forum who isn't going to berate someone for simply being honest with how they feel.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Not berating you at all, @worriedwithfear ~ Try to find some "alone time" in nature, and then try to let God speak to you! When it occurs, you'll definitely tear up and smile!

Always remember that success in life is measured by so much more than money! It is preemptively measured by the love found in one's heart and soul and how it is conveyed to others!*


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's somewhat human nature to compete and think of life as a race, but in the end it isn't.

it sounds like you're down about not having a list of accomplishments like others around you, but i think that's a mistake.

life in the end is about happiness and doing something worthwhile with your life is a key to that. 
however, while you admit you're not happy at the moment, don't let what others do or did be your measuring stick.
you may be selling yourself short.

think about what you want to do and pursue it, regardless of what other people may do.

there are many people highly accomplished with resume's that people envy that are more miserable and not any happier than you.


----------

