# Feeling good again



## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

My H had an EA with an ex-gf 5 years ago. I shut down emotionally and he has been grovelling since.

I decided to not wait for him as he pulled himself together and have had a few relationships that he sabotaged.

I now have a wonderful FWB situation that is about 9 months young. 

Last night we "made love" instead of "f***ing". 

I have been on cloud 9 all day. That feeling of connecting and being intimate felt so good.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> My H had an EA with an ex-gf 5 years ago. I shut down emotionally and he has been grovelling since.
> 
> I decided to not wait for him as he pulled himself together and have had a few relationships that he sabotaged.
> 
> ...


Sooo... you're in an open marriage now?


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

There must be a website that will support you better than TAM can.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

No idea. 

I just wanted to share how I feel so that others can find hope.

Those feelings do not die after a betrayal, they are only suppressed.

It all depends on what you do with it and how you look at it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lovesmanis said:


> My H had an EA with an ex-gf 5 years ago. I shut down emotionally and he has been grovelling since.
> 
> I decided to not wait for him as he pulled himself together and have had a few relationships that he sabotaged.
> 
> ...


are you getting off on punishing your husband. your just as bad maybe even worse than your husband!

and then come here to brag about it. this friend with benifits dude will hit the road as soon as you fall in love with him.

yuck!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If you are separated, I can see how this would work out, on your way towards divorcing.

If not?

Problematic.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Looks like a "stir the pot" thread to me?


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

chillymorn said:


> are you getting off on punishing your husband. your just as bad maybe even worse than your husband!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I am sorry that you see it as bragging.
It is not.

It is about being able to feel again after being hurt so badly.

I wish others can find hope.
I found hope and it was so helpful in my recovery.

Happiness.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

If this is a revenge affair, not only do I 'get it', I advocate it. I understand it helps your self esteem, helps you level the playing field with your husband and maybe rub his nose in it a little. I see nothing wrong with that, as long as you say 'OK, I did it .... I got even and now it's time to fix my marriage'. 

HOWEVER, if you are checking out of your marriage and going to have an open marriage or roommate relationship with your husband, you will only succeed in hurting your self and everyone around you. Do the right thing and divorce. Carrying on with other men while married is no way to go about a marriage.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> If this is a revenge affair, not only do I 'get it', I advocate it. I understand it helps your self esteem, helps you level the playing field with your husband and maybe rub his nose in it a little. I see nothing wrong with that, as long as you say 'OK, I did it .... I got even and now it's time to fix my marriage'.
> 
> HOWEVER, if you are checking out of your marriage and going to have an open marriage or roommate relationship with your husband, you will only succeed in hurting your self and everyone around you. Do the right thing and divorce. Carrying on with other men while married is no way to go about a marriage.


I agree and disagree. I hate revenge affairs. Just divorce and get out of there and hurt the cheater that way but cheating on the cheater (depending on degrees0 makes you just as bad.

I agree that divorce is the option in this case.

Is see Lovemanis as pathetic. Her husband has an EAs, she then turns and has a physical affair with someone while still married, an act which most on here would find repulsive. The guy begged for forgiveness for 5 years and all she can do is run out after all that time of a fake R and get banged by another guy then come onto a board with a bunch of people who have been cheated on and brag about how great it is to cheat. 

Her husband, despite his immoral actions 5 years ago, deserves better than her. She is vengeful and immoral.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> I am sorry that you see it as bragging.
> It is not.
> 
> It is about being able to feel again after being hurt so badly.
> ...



you found hope in immorality and doing the exact same thing to someone else (maybe even worse) that you took exception to and that damaged you so badly. While he apologized, you took the opportunity to rub it in your face. You need some serious help and no I am in no way defending his EA but you decided to keep him around. Why ? to retaliate ? Pathetic


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> you found hope in immorality and doing the exact same thing to someone else (maybe even worse) that you took exception to and that damaged you so badly. While he apologized, you took the opportunity to rub it in your face. You need some serious help and no I am in no way defending his EA but you decided to keep him around. Why ? to retaliate ? Pathetic


Sounds to me like her relationship with her H is over. She says she chose not to wait around for him to fix himself and moved on to new relationships, which he sabotaged. Doesn't sound like any of these have been secret PAs. 

Just for clarity, OP, did you end your relationship with your WH before moving on to these new relationships?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I moved on. 

I realised that he was brokern ans that it wAs about me and not him


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

I found those same feelings... 

...with my husband after his 4 EA's and my PA. I do hope you are only giving us half the story (or even 1/4 of it) and you are getting a divorce. Or you are seriously trolling us...


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

RWB said:


> Looks like a "stir the pot" thread to me?


Yup!


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Kresaera said:


> I found those same feelings...
> 
> ...with my husband after his 4 EA's and *my PA*. I do hope you are only giving us half the story (or even 1/4 of it) and you are getting a divorce. Or you are seriously trolling us...


:scratchhead:


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ok, I thought they were still together and she was punishing him with a revenge affair. The initial post was very confusing and alcking detail so it confused a few here. My bad. However, a divorce would have been appropriate first. She still calls him her H and this thread could easily develop into an "I Cheated" thread.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Sorry all. We are separated, not yet divorced, which is why I called him my H. Should have been stbxh.

I held on to a lot of resentment for a long time...and I finally feel free of it. 

Not trying to stir any pots. 

I just felt good and wanted to share so the others could see that there is light after the pain.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

appreciate the clarification. Good luck to you and hopefully your divorce is concluded soon so you can move on


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> Sorry all. We are separated, not yet divorced, which is why I called him my H. Should have been stbxh.
> 
> I held on to a lot of resentment for a long time...and I finally feel free of it.
> 
> ...


Thanks for clarifying  Best of luck to you in all your future pursuits. You should keep us updated. My WH and I are reconciling, but many here are separating, and your updates could be helpful for them!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

You might think it was making love, for him it might be just sex still. Often one person falls in love in a FWB-situation, then the problems start...for you, not him...


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

catfan said:


> You might think it was making love, for him it might be just sex still. Often one person falls in love in a FWB-situation, then the problems start...for you, not him...



We discussed it. 

It was mutual.

He has deeper feelings than me. 

Something to explore


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Happy exploring!!!


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