# my husband wants me out, but my son wants to stay with dad



## abusedandconfused

I have been married for 13 years to the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. For the past 3 years he has been accussing me of haveing an affair. I did not have an affair. My husband has been addicted to porn and on line chat rooms for years.I got his email passwords (4 email accounts), and found out that he has gotten down and dirty talking to some of these women. Of course he tells them is is divorced. He has meet with 2 of them, but swears there was no sex involved. He is on so many dating sites including eharmany,,can you believe that.He started to get physcial with me about 2 years ago. He sometimes said he was sorry. This past Feb. he broke my shoulder to the point ,that I had to have surgery and now have a plate and serveral screws in my shoulder. My son who is 13 , has witnessed some of the abuse my husband has done to me. Slap me around to the floor, hit me in the middle of the night with a pair of jeans,,,My husband has spit in my face and slapped me in the face while calling me a ****. He wants me to take a polygraph test to prove that I had an affair. I have been waiting for 3 years. No test yet. I even gave him the money to make the appointment. Believe it or not I still love this ass, but the problem is , is that my son who knows what his dad has done wants to stay with his dad. Daddy gets him everything he wants.My son loves me and doesnot want to see me hurt, so he said he would be ok if I left. Has anyone ever gone through this. If I leave I have to move to another state and would not be close at all to my son. This will tear my heart out. I can;t image not being there when he gets up in the morning...I need some serious help.....I am so confused. I know my husbands doesn't love me.....


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## TNgirl232

Get out of that situation and file for a restraining order. Then take the custody battle to court. It is not a good environment for your son to be in. Let the judge decide how this should best be handled.

Why do you have to move out of state?


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## abusedandconfused

I don't have a job and my daughter lives in Pa. and I could go stay with her until I get a job and get on my feet. I have no money,no bank account or even a car. They are all in his name and he feels if I leave that I should just take my cloths and leave.


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## TNgirl232

Again...that's up to the court....you sound like a good case for alimony - and no one said you have to leave your home to get divorced. Living arrangements can be worked out during the court proceedings. If he gets violent, find a women's shelter - they will let you stay there for free and FILE CHARGES if he lays another hand on you. You know its wrong - if he loved you in return he wouldn't be doing that to you.


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## abusedandconfused

Believe me All my friends and daughter have told me the same, Its just that I can't find anyone who understands about leaving your child behind................It breaks my heart everyday. I love that boy and would miss him so much. You leave and breath for your kids, and when the thought of not even beening near them hurts so bad......


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## TNgirl232

I understand completely - I'm one of those mom's you'd see on a lifetime movie where I've kidnapped my child if need be and living underground just to make sure they are safe - He is a minor - which means you take him with you to the shelter if you can - if not fight tooth and nail for him in court. If you stay - what kind of lesson are you teaching him? That this is the way that women are meant to be treated? He will continue the pattern, especially if he is already showing the preference for your living with your husband. He is at a most impressionable age....do you want this to be imprinted on him for the rest of his life - doomed to repeat the pattern? And what is to keep your husband from moving on to him? He'll get mad and take it out on your son most likely one day - what then?


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## jamie31709

dont leave with out your son. you are his mother and it is YOUR job to keep him safe!!he is a 13 yr child who probably wants alot of things but there is a reason 13yr olds dont live on there own...because they dont know whats best for them. some day he will thank you. dont let him become his father or a victim of his father. i have watched my brother become both and beleive me it is a very sad thing.


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## Sensitive

When I called the abused women's hotline seeking a place to hide while I proceed with divorce, they suggested getting a restraining order against my husband. Also do the same for the kids, your house and their school. So if he gets within a certain miles within you, the house, your kid, or your school, he will get arrested. I also hear that abuse cases go much quicker in the court system, so you will wait much shorter time for the divorce to finalize. Did you tell your doctor about the shoulder accident being adomestic violence case? I also called the Children's Services and reported an abusive incident against my son, just to have a legal record somewhere. Don't wait for the abuse to be displaced onto your son. Document, document, document. Find a good lawyer, I also discovered free legal aid for abuse victims. Good luck.


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