# Question on sex w/ MIL living in our home



## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think he is using his mother's presence as an excuse to justify his LD nature. If MC isn't helping, then I only see two possible solutions: have the MIL move out, or you move out. Then see what happens.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RPosie said:


> So MIL has been with us for 6+ months.
> 
> We have barely any physical intimacy anylonger. I expressed multiple times my desire, asking if it's something about me, my weight or something else (I'm now below what I'd been before he ever even laid eyes upon me ... below my wedding day weight!) or something else. He says no, he's just not into it, claims to not even be masturbating.
> 
> ...


Having someone living in your home can throw a monkey wrench into the free expression of affection, but having it affect sex drive entirely.....? Maybe it's just a coincidence and not actually a cause and effect?

My older sister lives with us. She lives in our finished off basement so she can't hear anything happening in the bedroom level. But in the beginning it did curtail my husband from being comfortable with sex and affection. (However he wasn't a very affectionate guy anyway at the time)

After you ensure that your husbands testosterone levels are within the normal range, it's time to talk about your MIL living elsewhere. If your husband can't get over the hump of having her live with you and it not affect your relationship, then she has to go because your relationship is more important.

In other words this is HIS issue that only HE can alter. But it doesn't seem like he has the tools to alter his inhibitions. MC should be focusing on expanding his ability to drop his inhibitions, giving him tools with which to accomplish this, and giving you tools with which to help.

But the work remains his to do. If you don't insist he do it, it likely won't get done.


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## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

Thanks for the replies Married but Happy and Anon Pink. The housing is temporary - MIL is waiting to be placed in a nursing home.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RPosie said:


> Thanks for the replies Married but Happy and Anon Pink. The housing is temporary - MIL is waiting to be placed in a nursing home.
> 
> I'm so fed up with the situation because it's making me think of other men - what it would be like to be with another man as I haven't in @15 yrs. That worries me. Normally, I wouldn't let these thoughts ruminate in my head but I can't get them out because even when I do get any action (which I think has happened once this *year*) yes you read that correctly) it's pretty much pity sex and once he orgasms that's it. No concern if I got off. Nothing more for me and I'm left feeling even more wound up and frustrated for the lack of intimacy and caring! It's like WTF was that???


Oh hell no!

Tell him exactly what you said here about thought of other men. If your husband isn't able or willing to make you feel loved, thinking of other men who MIGHT make you feel loved is a natural and logical progression because we ALL want and need to feel loved!

Get his ass to the doc for testosterone check. Then be honest with him about his lack of effort in the sack.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You guys have a bunch of issues, and like the others, I think the MIL is an excuse or smokescreen for the real issues. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> testosterone.


I see this mentioned a lot and it is a problem but in many cases it can be thyroid issues as well. It is best IMHO to suggest the man get a full blood work up that covers all endo system glands. My T levels were low and I still was HD. Just like women all men are different. LD men in some cases could be relationship driven as well as stress or just not as into sex as most men.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Code-Welder said:


> I see this mentioned a lot and it is a problem but in many cases it can be thyroid issues as well. It is best IMHO to suggest the man get a full blood work up that covers all endo system glands. My T levels were low and I still was HD. Just like women all men are different. LD men in some cases could be relationship driven as well as stress or just not as into sex as most men.


Absolutely true, glad you brought that up.

What bothers me so much about the LD label is that those with LD are also usually NC about their LD, leaving the HD in HADAIAW which is very frustrating.

LD= Low Drive
HD= High Drive
NC=No Contact or No Communication
HADAIAW=High And Dry And Ignorant About Why


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

From your other thread, I wonder if your MIL's negative attitude about everything is also bringing your husband down.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> From your other thread, I wonder if your MIL's negative attitude about everything is also bringing your husband down.


Sheeeshe! Yes that would probably put the kibosh on sexy thoughts!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

First of all, we don't really care who is staying in our house. If we want sex, we have it. Same thing if we are staying at my sisters, my in-laws, her brothers, our sons, it does not stop us. Second of all, IF my MIL ever DID come live with us, she would be very upset if she knew that she was having that kind of effect on our sex life and she would probably be talking to her daughter about it!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

*Question on sex w/ MIL living in our home*

I never wanted to have sex with my MIL, no matter where she was living.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Very funny Phil.....:rofl:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Get him behind closed doors away from the MIL and just have your way with him ~ ravage his a$$!

Trust me! If he has just an ounce of blood in his veins, he'll love every damn minute of it!*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Philat said:


> *Question on sex w/ MIL living in our home*
> 
> I never wanted to have sex with my MIL, no matter where she was living.


Me either! Totally not my type.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I will say that when my MIL was staying with us for 2 months, my wife was not comfortable at all with having sex. She suddenly thought her Mom had "bionic" ears and could hear everything. It was hard to get my wife to relax and go with it. Our only "free" time was when her MIL was taking a shower or going for a walk. 

Some people are really uptight about it. Sounds like your husband might be using it as an excuse....only you can tell for sure.


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