# What were the bumps in long term marriage?



## southbound

Whenever people from a long-term marriage proclaim their success, they always take the time to say something like, "Oh, we've had a few bumps in the road," or "We've had our ups and downs." I'm curious, what were your ups and downs in a great marriage. I assume it was something that could have been major, but was worked through. I'm assuming it was more than arguing over your favorite tv show.

You don't have to go into great detail, but I'm generally curious about what the typical ups and downs of a good marriage are.


----------



## Zookeepertomany

We have had a few, but the major ones would be alcoholism and bipolar disorder. So far we have managed 25 years without killing each other, but there have been times where the hole was dug waiting for the body.
I think success is what you do about those bumps and taking what they taught you and applying it so they don't happen again.


----------



## Giro flee

Lets see, the largest was my LD. We've also had to figure out how to balance family life, kids, inlaws, etc. There were financial struggles for a while, job loss, relocation, a miscarriage, death of a parent. Disagreements over parenting styles. Monotony can set in as well. Luckily we are both calm personalities who tend to discuss calmly rather than having big blow ups.


----------



## Coffee Amore

We've had to overcome our fair share of issues like conflict avoidance, poor communication and hidden resentment. Now we have open communication, a better understanding of each other love languages and both of us will address issues that bother us instead of stuffing it, seething inside and mentally keeping score. We're not taking each other for granted like before. We now do period checks with each other to see how we feel.

The issues we've had, we've resolved. The issues were unemployment, health scares, miscarriage, geographic relocations, home remodeling, career changes, family/in law issues. 

Even when we had issues if you were to ask me then, I would have told you we had a good marriage and it would have been true. We didn't deal with the HUGE issues some have to like abuse, addiction, infidelity, etc. Our issues stemmed more from conflict avoidance on both our parts and lack of communication. Both of us tend to stuff our resentment/anger instead of letting it out. Sure we talked every day, but not always about the things that bothered both of us. Eventually we both reached a point where we wanted to improve our marriage. The improvement didn't happen overnight. Took several months to go from good to great. And there were quite a few heated disagreements and sometimes we had to resort to emails to resolve things because it was easier to say in email what we couldn't in person. But we worked everything out and we're both very happy.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

The bumps for us were just a few.... 

*Secondary Infertility *after our 1st son....I would get in bad moods, get grouchy, I was jealous of my gf's having #2, #3...there was a point, I wouldn't even go to my GF's daughters Birthday party I was so distraught .... this dragging on for 6 + yrs ...I was loosing hope... going through many tests, pokes , prodding and a surgery, many tears, failed pregnancy tests.....even a scheduled Invitro attempt (we conceived on that cycle amazingly -talk about last minute & thousands saved)....

Looking back...HE couldn't have treated me better....always my ROCK....loved me through it all ....plus we had our son....this helped tremendously... many beautiful memories too.

Then after the babies started coming (in our 30's)... I was so overjoyed & THANKFUL riding on those clouds.. I seemed to forget about HIM..... I was dumb enough to put the babies in bed with us, let them crash on our bedroom floor.. he didn't show being upset ....*but he was hurting inside..and was slowly building some silent resentment towards me* ... nothing near sexless - at least once a week.. but it could have been so much more...I always loved sex, just didn't THINK about it as much as he was...he didn't realize women are like Crock pots.. 

My husband really should have told me how he was feeling- too gentlemanly passive.. should have never been...... he'd describe those years as saying >> "when things were DRY"...but he's always said in the same breathe...."I was happy...we had the kids". 

Then in Mid Life... my going a little nuts for ...hit me like a Niagra Falls what we have been missing all these years...and he couldn't keep up... this was a little tormenting for a time, I started questioning his desire, sent him to get his Testosterone checked even (funny looking back)..... it was all something I was building up in my mind... we opened all of this up....realized how we missed each other and it should have never been.....Vowed then & there to never allow these things to happen again... I was at his beck & call...

We've always had great communication, conflict resolution - the only hindrances here was due to 

*1. *Feeling sex/masterbation talk was taboo (mindless !)
*2. *MY attitude during infertility (I should have leaned on HOPE more so... not been so pessimistic)....
*3*. His being too passive in the sexual... we've lived and learned. .


----------



## LovesHerMan

We had the usual problems of overcoming power struggles in creating our marriage dynamic in the first years we were together. I had to adjust to the fact that the Navy moved us every 3 years, and I would not be able to have the strong career that I had envisioned for myself. 

I had to learn how to communicate with my husband as I tend to be a pouter when things do not go my way. I also had to learn when to yield to his superior knowledge. Our "Waterloo" moment was trying to put up wallpaper together. Now when we have home improvement projects, he leads, and I am Mrs. Step-and-Fetch-It. 

When we were first married I used to get annoyed when my husband would nit-pick and question how I phrased things. I would think, "Stop it, you know what I mean!" Then the light bulb went off. Oh, he's an engineer! That is how he thinks. He is not trying to be picky; he just is very analytical and factual about everything. Now he tries to avoid being extremely technical with me, and I take what he says in stride, knowing that he is not trying to criticize me. 

The other huge "bump" was our rebellious daughter, whose personality is very similar to my MIL, whom I dislike. We had to work together as a team because she tried to divide and conquer to get her way. She would play the "Daddy's little girl" card very effectively with him. My husband tended to dismiss her actions as just teenage exuberance, while I felt she needed a much stronger disciplinary hand. He finally did agree to kicking her out of our house at 19, and that was the best thing that we did to get her to grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

We have overcome all of our problems by taking the team approach. We always ask ourselves, "Is this good for our marriage? Is this selfish? Do we want to support each other and survive as a couple?" I think it basically comes down to being compatible emotionally, and both of us wanting to make our marriage last.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Our major bumps had to do with:

*control issues in general, both of us

*anger issues in general, both of us (we aren't crazy angry but just have been through a lot of stuff prior to meeting later in life)

*communication issues, specific to this realtionship (neither of us have communication issues in general but the mix-up of our two personalities brought a challenging communication situation to the mix)

Those three big things really created every other problem we ever had. The problems could always be traced back to one or more of those things. 

It took quite a lot of personal work by each of us for us to bring forth our better selves, the ones that are worthy of each other. That was the goal and the prize...to make the other happy. Before we did our personal work, it was impossible to make the other one happy.


----------



## southbound

Thanks for the responses. I was just curious because everyone mentions ups and downs even in a good marriage. I was wondering how many ups and downs were marriage specific. I realize that anyone can have health issues and such, regardless if they are single or married. 

I also ask, because I was married for 18 years. If you had asked me anytime 6 months prior to my divorce what our issues had been, I would have paused and said I couldn't think of any. As I said, we had things we had to deal with because "life happens," but none of them created friction between us.

I even told someone once during a discussion that I didn't know what people were talking about when they said they had issues. We had never once had an issue that we thought had to be dealt with, else it could lead to major problems in the marriage. 

Then, about three years ago, after 18 years of marriage, she informed me she was not happy and hadn't been for some time, and asked for divorce. 

I always thought the absence of arguing and major problems was a good thing. But it seems that if you are in a marriage that seems problem free, there is probably something brewing under the surface getting ready to explode like a volcano. that's my new theory.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> I always thought the absence of arguing and major problems was a good thing. But it seems that if you are in a marriage that seems problem free, there is probably something *brewing under the surface* getting ready to explode like a volcano. that's my new theory.


You already know I think along these lines...that overwhelmingly (but I realize some are out of this box)... if a couple is not fighting once in a while (2-3 times a year -how common it is!)... showing some difference of opinion... not bringing their vulnerabilities to the surface, expressing their small hurts before one another....

Chances are ...they are "hiding" / attempting to bury their feelings...or APATHY has set in (becoming numb to each other )... never a good road to go down. 

Unless of course they are as thick as thieves / attached to each others hip....laughing with high affection daily.....but still they'd have to have nearly *everything* in common to have *0 *conflict....


----------



## Coffee Amore

southbound said:


> I always thought the absence of arguing and major problems was a good thing. But it seems that if you are in a marriage that seems problem free, there is probably something brewing under the surface getting ready to explode like a volcano. that's my new theory.


I think the same thing. When people say they've never argued or had a big fight with their spouse, I wonder how much suppression and hidden resentment there is. Are they afraid to really say what they think? I know people who keep things bottled inside, but don't ever tell their spouse about those issues. Some conflict is healthy in a marriage. Constant conflict isn't healthy. Neither is screaming, yelling, verbal attacks. But healthy disagreement is fine. That's what we have now.


----------



## southbound

Coffee Amore said:


> I think the same thing. When people say they've never argued or had a big fight with their spouse, I wonder how much suppression and hidden resentment there is. Are they afraid to really say what they think? I know people who keep things bottled inside, but don't ever tell their spouse about those issues. Some conflict is healthy in a marriage. Constant conflict isn't healthy. Neither is screaming, yelling, verbal attacks. But healthy disagreement is fine. That's what we have now.


Good points. Well, I'm not saying we never disagreed on anything in 18 years, it just seemed like the issues weren't major, and we weren't really heated. I get the impression that some feel a good "knock-down-drag-out" on occasion is healthy, and they might be right.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> Good points. Well, I'm not saying we never disagreed on anything in 18 years, it just seemed like the issues weren't major, and we weren't really heated. *I get the impression that some feel a good "knock-down-drag-out" on occasion is healthy, and they might be right.*


I do believe this.. I've shared a few of our fights on this forum ... and really I probably make myself look BAD .... especially to those who have these calm laid back temperaments...& think such women who raise their voices are all out of control Bi*ches. 

Our last fight.. Honest to God ...we ended up laughing so hard .....I was getting a little out of hand...(was in that pms timeframe - as usual)....... and I stopped....knowing I was coming off as a real WITCH... we recently seen that "*Oz the Great & Powerful*" movie....







he thought that Lady who played the Witch was HOT... before he knew she was the witch of course......

This suddenly came to my mind... and I referred to myself needing to go throw some green paint on my face...Grab a black hat...and put a broom inbetween my legs.... ....... I can't remember now but he probably told me I could put any witch to shame... ha ha.... and we just started laughing..... it just breaks the tension.. Then right after ...this is me...

Then ..we're all lovey dovey and go on and have passionate Make up Sex.. That's just how we are ! ...and we probably don't have another fight for a couple months +... it's all good. 

This 344  star review book >>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: ... I noticed this sentence the other day in the write up on amazon >>



> Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits).
> 
> *He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They DO engage in screaming matches. *And they certainly don't resolve every problem.


Our good times FAR outweigh these unruly moments.... I mean the scales would be tipped with weights...of course this makes all the difference in the world.


----------



## Coffee Amore

southbound said:


> Good points. Well, I'm not saying we never disagreed on anything in 18 years, it just seemed like the issues weren't major, and we weren't really heated. I get the impression that some feel a good "knock-down-drag-out" on occasion is healthy, and they might be right.


That's what Dr. John Gottman, a well-known researcher, says. Couples in strong marriage do have intense arguments, but they are able to repair the negative interactions in a fight. One of them might make an inside joke or do a gesture afterwards that defuses the tension. 
He says it's not necessarily fighting that predicts a divorce. The four best predictors of marriage problems are contempt, defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Coffee Amore said:


> That's what Dr. John Gottman, a well-known researcher, says. Couples in strong marriage do have intense arguments, but they are able to repair the negative interactions in a fight. One of them might make an inside joke or do a gesture afterwards that defuses the tension.
> He says it's not necessarily fighting that predicts a divorce.
> 
> *The four best predictors of marriage problems are contempt, defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling.
> 
> *


Yes, I remember a thread like that started here in this section by Deejo about these 4 things >> 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/44442-negative-patterns-predict-divorce.html

Here is part of my post with some links on that thread


> 1.Criticism- the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything, faultfinding.
> No Criticism Please!
> 
> 2. Contempt- the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn. The state of being despised; dishonor; disgrace.
> The Danger of Contempt
> 
> 3. Defensiveness- Defensiveness: The Poison Pill to Relationships
> 
> 4. Stonewalling - or 'the silent treatment' Stonewalling in Abuse


----------



## shy_guy

Two bumps for us:

Approaching our 9th anniversary, my wife was struggling with loneliness because where we lived, she didn't have enough social network (She's not from the US). At this time, her father became very ill and we got word from her sisters that we needed to go to her country if we were to see him alive. I couldn't - we had one in the first grade, and I was working myself to exhaustion trying to make ends meet, and we just couldn't afford for all of us to go. We sent her, and our younger daughter to her country for a month to see her father before he died.

When she got to her country, she found the social network she SO BADLY needed, but her father's declining condition really took it's toll on her. For a while, she thought she would not return to me ... which broke my heart. Her sisters told her she really needed to go and talk to me and decide from there. She came back with that on her mind, and her father died about a week after she came back. She slipped into very deep depression (not grief - physical depression aggravated by the grief). She almost seemed to lose all trace of the personality that I loved ... and for a few weeks, she couldn't even get out of our room and get around. She felt trapped, and I didn't want to do anything to make her feel more trapped, so I had to be very careful what kind of medical help I suggested. 

All during this time, she kept telling me she wanted to leave me. I offered to return to her country with her for her benefit, but she said she knew what that felt like, and didn't want anybody else to do that for her. She said she wanted to break. I knew she was suffering with depression, so I tried my best to be patient ... and on the very day I had gone as far as I could possibly go, I went to our pastor's house, we prayed, andvI drove out into the countryside where I could be all by myself and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Then, I dried my eyes and started home thinking that she had to stay because she wanted to stay, and if she didn't want to stay, there was nothing I could do, and I had to just back up and let her go.

When I got home, she met me at the door looking better than I had seen her look in weeks. She greeted me with her old warmth and smile, kissed me, and told me she just couldn't bring herself to do anything that was going to hurt me. She asked me if I thought she was really badly depressed, and told me she wanted to get medical help ... and we did. We've never been close to that again.

#2 wasn't as severe, partly because I was MUCH more sensitive to her needs after #1, but it came with me working myself down - I was a workaholic. I thought I was providing for my family, and in her culture, there is a lot more of that then there may be in the US. She was understanding, but at some point, she told me we needed a new direction. I needed to stop working so much and spend more time with them, and she needed to go to a bigger city where she had more of a social network of people of her culture. We made plans, I had to finish college, and a few months later we moved. I'd say the years since that move have been the happiest in our lives.


----------



## firefly789

My H and I are pretty mellow. We've actually never really fought. We've had lots of discussions and aired our disagreement, but it has always been very low key. No yelling. For the most part we're both givers. We even met at a volunteer organization. 

Our biggest bumps were first his job. At times I felt he worked too much and put his job first. We had many discussions over this, along with his volunteer work when our kids were young. When I brought up my frustration, he would make adjustments. Our oldest daughter was ADD and hard to raise. We had to have more than one talk to get on the same page in parenting. Early in the marriage, I also had to work on dealing with my frustration better and not give the silent treatment. I think that would be a bump on my H's side, though I'm not sure. I made that adjustment, too. 

My husband and I aren't fire and ice, we're more laid back, which works for us. I think as long as both people stay engaged and willing to work on the M, style is secondary.


----------



## MambaZee

I'm a newbie here, but have been married 17 years and since H and I are trying to get over only our 2nd bump or so, I thought I'd chime in.

For us, #1 was lack of quality time together. Until we had a major blow-up a few months back, I didn't realize how very important this was for us. We have 3 school-age kids and are very busy getting them to/from school, activities, etc. We grew apart and disconnected. I'd emotionally detached myself a lot, so our conversations were very superficial, while I had a lot of resentment underneath.

Since then, we've made a lot of effort to spend more time together, just the two of us, especially since our kids are now old enough to stay home without a babysitter while we go out for date night. 

#2 was communication. After dealing with H's stonewalling for years, I didn't feel like trying anymore (hence the superficial conversations). Now, while not perfect (what is?), we're both working very hard toward better communication. I can really see the difference in H because he does a lot of things differently where our serious talking is concerned. Instead of shutting down and not speaking to me for days, he initiates more of the conversations now so that we're not walking around in silence for days on end. 

We're still working through things, but we're both 100% committed to each other and really want our marriage to last.


----------



## scatty

His disability at age 28, both his parents dying within 2 years, my mental illness and all the hospitalizations and med changes that come with it, my youngest son who is ADHD who didn't sleep more than 2 hours for the first 3 years of his life (when I had a 6 and 7 yr old to care for as well) while I had PPD. I'm sure there's more, but those are the big ones.


----------



## muttgirl

We had to separate 5 yrs in, then health problems have always been MY problem. One year apart and he made us a priority instead of staying out all night. He breadwinner me everything else which is fine most of the time (no kids) but if I want to discuss something, I am lying or being dramatic (Im really boring) and he shuts down and pouts. 25 yrs in and I am considering being on my own. I love him but it is his way or the highway. Wishing for the mate I married, but he is not interested anymore in anything--just his work.


----------



## bbird1

I think every marriage is different.

Mine we dealt with issues from childhood. My wife had been molested by her BIO dad and I had been beaten badly by mine. I have aspbergers and my past surpressed much of my emotional response even limited as it was by my aspbergers a form of autism.

I had to work past my childhood and learn to express to my wife how much i care. For the longest time she was content knowing even in my emotionless nature i would kill or die for her without a thought toward myself. (I wouldn't do this for anyone but her and my kids) But in time I have learned to show her more feelings and she has been there to help me past all that. But that was a major bump from me. My other major bump is I do not punish the children because I am afraid inside i might be like the man i grew to hate as my bio dad. She is a stay at home mom and a wonderful lady and has accepted this fault of mine. As such I have never harmed my children now teenagers. I have thanked her many times for accepting this major fault. The children knew daddy backed mommy in everything and her word was final in all things.

We have had intamacy issues for a long time due to her abuse. I have been there and worked with her over our 23 years of marriage and 26 years together. It's been a road but she is worth every moment, every tear, and every smile. I wouldn't have it any other way than her knowing no matter what we will get through anything together. Today our marriage is stronger than ever and trust which has been hard earned is today enjoyed. 

My best advice is this. You promised for better or worse, sickness and health, rick or poor. Stand by your words with action and deed and in the end if you both work toward the same goal you will have a marriage worth fighting the world for.

The one person i know beyond any doubt i can count on is my wife and she knows the same of me.


----------



## AlmostYoung

bbird1 said:


> We have had intamacy issues for a long time due to her abuse. I have been there and worked with her over our 23 years of marriage and 26 years together. It's been a road but she is worth every moment, every tear, and every smile. I wouldn't have it any other way than her knowing no matter what we will get through anything together. Today our marriage is stronger than ever and trust which has been hard earned is today enjoyed.
> 
> My best advice is this. You promised for better or worse, sickness and health, rick or poor. Stand by your words with action and deed and in the end if you both work toward the same goal you will have a marriage worth fighting the world for.
> 
> The one person i know beyond any doubt i can count on is my wife and she knows the same of me.


Thank you bbird1. That to me is what true love and commitment is all about.

Only one REAL bump in our 30 year M. When W's Mom died 18 months ago. It caused W to spin into a depression and decide to distance herself from me. Mom was abusive and older brother sexually abused W, adding to the pain, questions and regrets she is dealing with, that only surfaced after Mom's death. 

All previous "bumps" pale so much in comparison that they don't even register. 

I do know this: If we can make it through this crises we will be golden.


----------



## Married but Happy

Our greatest challenges have included a long-term illness and disability lasting 8 years (successfully treated at last 3 years ago), loss of business/job due to that illness and 9/11 aftermath in my industry, loss of home and a major relocation after 2 years full-time travel in a very modest-sized RV, a major injury resulting in another period of disability 2 years ago, a three month separation for educational reasons in another country, cancer (successful surgery), a suicidal child requiring intervention, and the usual little things.

We had each other, and since we're so committed and _compatible_, we got through it all together. We've always been great together and had each other's well-being and happiness as a primary goal. Things are great (except for the renovation from hell currently underway!).


----------



## Elafhine

For the most part, we are a very happy couple. Just hope others do not have that big of bump.


----------



## heartsbeating

To answer the question, I'm focusing on bumps related to behavior. 

Communication. For years, thought we were good in that regard but turns out, unhealthy patterns had formed between us. I have learned (and am still learning), a sh!t load about myself including that my communication needs work. Conflict avoidance. While I thought I was laid-back and choosing my battles wisely, turns out it was more about apathy and avoiding conflict. I've been learning to assert myself more and recognizing this is healthy. Sex. My once teasing approach, that was dipped in sensuality, had been replaced with bluntness. Nothing wrong with a balance in this but it was no doubt derived from a place of neediness.... which I think stemmed from the issues arising due to communication and conflict avoidance but only compounded matters. And then cue the part of me that can be all or nothing. 

I've challenged myself in these areas the most by observing my own thought-process. I then try to filter why I'm thinking that way and then if I can recognize it, change the action/approach accordingly, because I know it's good for me to learn. This has expanded beyond my marriage to other areas of my life; within other relationships as well as asserting more at work - and without an outcome in mind other than to challenge myself to grow. I've seen tangible outcomes though. For example with work I opened up more than I ever would have, being transparent, listening and asserting myself. I received a promotion, opportunity for mentor ship, and now I'm about to step into a new field altogether as a result.

My husband had his own journey that was heavily focused around his childhood. That's where he started. He began to express more, he became more confident within himself. He became more vulnerable with me and his communication style is now so open that it helps me get him more. He greatly inspired me to look at myself and the part I play in our dynamic. It's also thanks to him that we started considering each others needs. We hadn't thought of the relationship in that sense before and it was eye-opening.

These things combined, I think we have both been learning more about ourselves and each other. It's gotten us back in step and our relationship feels like it's undergoing an honest renewal.


----------



## Bellavista

25 years here. We married very young, 19 for me & 21 for him and then had 5 kids very quickly.

There were issues with sex after the first 2 kids, not so much the quantity, still always at least twice a week, but more my grudging attitude and using sex as a bargaining tool. Bad idea.

H had a PA at the 12 year mark & walked away from the kids & I for 12 months. We got back together & discussed some things, but rug-swept a lot.

Marriage was better, but still not 100%. I always felt he was somewhat disconnected. I discovered last year he was having cyber affairs, (phone, text, email), with 3 other women in the same country as his AP from years ago.

This time, there was no rug-sweeping, he got counselling and things have been much better. He was able to say why he had done this and open up about his dysfunctional childhood more than he ever had done before.

Now, the biggest issues we are working through is his stress over his business and my unresolved health issues which are causing me to sink into depression at times.

What I think we have now is the ability to empathise, to know when to push a point and when to give the other some space. I don't need to solve all of his problems, he does not need to sort out my issues, unless we ask.


----------



## confused55

The bumps in our 32 yr marriage were the same as most people - money issues sometimes, moving to different cities, husband not helping enough at home, etc.

The two biggest have been raising a very difficult child which has brought us both a great deal of stress and me finding out my husband was going for sensual massages when out of town on business.

We're still stressed by the grown difficult child, and I am still trying to deal with realizing who I really am married to (the massages).

If we'll make it for life, I don't know.


----------



## Philat

Married 37 years, together 41 years. Like many others, most bumps (including one near derailment in the form of W's EA) relate to communication. What we've learned: Don't be afraid to be specific regarding your needs. It's not enough to say "We don't talk enough." More to the point: "I wish we talked more about x because this is how I would feel more intimate with you." The book Languages of Love is helpful here. Always do what is needed to maintain intimacy (and this will change over time).

Also, always be sure to let your SO know he/she is respected. The near deal-breaker for me about W's EA was how it made me feel that she was disrespecting me and encouraging others to do so.


----------



## sammy3

johnAdams said:


> We married in our teens and are now in our fifties. Around the 11 year mark my wife was feeling left behind as I had gone back to college and finished my bachelors and she felt the urge to go back to school also. Unfortunately she had an affair with her professor/coach. I often wonder how we would be now without that major hurdle in our past. For the most part, we are a very happy couple. Just hope others do not have that big of bump.


So after all these years johnadams, it's still always there? 

~sammy


----------



## Philat

_It never goes away. It changes everything forever. I love my wife very much. My love for her is stronger than the damage caused. _

:iagree: Amen, brother. Your situation sounds much like mine.


----------



## sammy3

Wow, how I wish , how I pray, plead, how I bargan that my love can stays. I would even sell my soul to the devil for not feeling as I do... 

~sammy


----------



## sandc

southbound said:


> Whenever people from a long-term marriage proclaim their success, they always take the time to say something like, "Oh, we've had a few bumps in the road," or "We've had our ups and downs." I'm curious, what were your ups and downs in a great marriage. I assume it was something that could have been major, but was worked through. I'm assuming it was more than arguing over your favorite tv show.
> 
> You don't have to go into great detail, but I'm generally curious about what the typical ups and downs of a good marriage are.


Our bumps were mostly created by me. My warped and twisted sexual fantasies and wanting to make them reality account for 99% of our marriage bumps. Yes, we did work through them. We are 26 years married now and finally going strong.

You can read about our bumps in detail in The Story of S and C. Just go to my profile and look for my threads started to find it.


----------

