# Ten years....I've had enough!



## lorisue1975 (Sep 7, 2012)

I'm not even sure where to start, but maybe just getting this out and seeing it 'on paper' will help me make a decision. My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 9. We have two kids, 9 and 10. We met through a man that I was engaged to at the time, he and my now-husband grew up in the same neighborhood. My now husband was married then, had been with the same woman for 14 years. SO, we all became sort of fast friends, doing things together, going to races, etc. Then, the bottom fell out of my life when my fiancee was killed in our back yard, a very senseless accident in which he was electrocuted. I was absolutely devastated. We had been together for two years and just bought the house that very month. I can't even describe what that felt like to find him there. 
As I tried to pick up the pieces, my friends were very much supportive and there for me. My now husband helped me with things around the house, and we became pretty close. He confided in me about the troubles in his marriage. Within a year there were serious feelings between the two of us. He divorced his wife, we moved in together, and I became pregnant with our daughter. The very next year our son was born, and we got married.
Sounds like he was there to help me rebuild my life doesn't it? His true personality came out while I was pregnant the first time, and I should have ran. But I didn't. He is vicious! Our entire relationship he has called me names, said horrible, hurtful things to me, physically abused me (busted lips, black eyes, broken glasses, he's even broken a plate over my shoulder). The words really hurt the most though. My mother died when I was 17, he never met her, and he's even called her names. He drags our kids into it, tells them I don't love them, makes them pick sides basically. Disgusting. I've wanted to leave so many times, but never had the means to. Or he would take all the money and car keys so I couldn't, and I just could never detach myself from the situation.
We have pretty much always worked together, had a nightclub and then a restaurant which has recently closed down, as he went back to work driving truck. He's been off on an injury since January 2012. I have a good sized eBay store that makes decent money. So this is really the first time in our marriage that I have been able to support myself if need be. 
This summer we had a couple of big blow ups, he went to his mom's for about a week, and then came back like everything was fine. I am very disconnected from him, emotionally and physically. I got an apartment in a neighboring town, and am ready to go....but when I told him I was even thinking about it, he blew up and threatened to break everything (my computers mainly, how I make my living) I have tried to tell him how broken I feel, insecure and unsafe....I have so many wounds and scars from the things he has said and done I don't know how to heal and I don't know how to trust him, even though he swears he will never hurt me again. I just don't know how to get out...and why do I still worry about his well being after I leave? I gave and gave and gave to this man and this marriage and for a decade I got nothing in return but heartache....I think he could be a good man, and for the most part he's a good dad...but I have no more patience to give. So how do I make that final break? It hurts me even more to see all of this, but I really need some advice! Thanks for reading....


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## lorisue1975 (Sep 7, 2012)

P.S. I didn't say much about my actions...or reaction...in the beginning I just cried at his outbursts, then I argued, then I fought back, now I don't trust my reactions at all. Things seem to escalate very quickly. And looking back I feel like we were two broken people that should've taken some time to heal before getting together....but what's done is done. Thanks again.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Physical abuse is intolerable. 

I'd suggest IC first, but get your kids away from that.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I am sure the ex wife was happy you took him off her hands. You shouldn't walk away...you should run. No excuse for him putting his hands on you. You should have him arrested. While he is locked up get your personal stuff out of the house and only communicate through a lawyer. Your first husband is probably rolling in his grave over what this douche has done to you. Hope you get out and live a peaceful life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

try counseling after! when i left my abuser, i told him i was going to get dinner, took my son and walked out the door. my mother met me , took me for a restraining order then took me somewhere safe. it was a struggle at first, but i never looked back. i began to realize that my mind had been actually altered by the years of abuse (15). i was trained to think in such a manner as to keep me trapped. 

speak with your local y, womens shelter or sherriffs dept to find out if you can be escorted to get your belongings, and so what if he breaks your stuff, its just stuff.


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