# Acting Out



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

My STBXH recently admitted his affair with OW was him "acting out". It was brief and ended a few months ago.

I don't understand this term. Does anyone know what this means in the context of him saying it?


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

At the time, he wanted to try another woman, so he did.


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Ummm children "act out" for attention adults know better. As an adult if I want something changed I ask. If I need attention I talk about it. If I am unhappy I figure out a way out. I do not fvck other girls to somehow get attention from my wife, he is crazy tell him that he wanted to screw around and did no acting out in that. And if he wanted attention well he certainly got it if you are divorcing his sorry butt, he should be happy then he got what he said he wanted all the attention.

He is blowing smoke.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> My STBXH recently admitted his affair with OW was him "acting out". It was brief and ended a few months ago.
> 
> I don't understand this term. Does anyone know what this means in the context of him saying it?


Acting out - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I just don't understand the term, I've heard it before and thought "what is that?".

He said "I acted out instead of walking away". I've been puzzled by what he said.

I totally agree that a mature adult would have dealt with the issues in our marriage differently. I'm not disputing that!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

It's one of those "throw-away" phrases that are handy for excusing reprehensible and amoral behavior instead of actually facing the truth. 

It would have been more truthful (IMO) if he'd told you he did it for 3 main reasons:

1. He wanted to
2. He could
3. He was selfish enough to put the first 2 reasons into play


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Going out of his normal character to do something he wouldn't usually do. 

I also see it as almost rebellion


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Acting out is usually reserved for either those who lose control...like kids who throw tantrums or get physical. Acting out is when adrenaline, fear, or whatever triggers the switch for a kid to present "acting-out behavior." But it is also applied to in terms of addiction...where past hurts or pain is triggered with someone, leading them to "act-out" their issues...basically destructive behavior with little or no regard for consequences. 
My wife is a sex addict due to unresolved childhood sexual abuse...had PTSD, which is constant hypervigilance and low coping ability. Her inability to have normal coping mechanisms thus easily trigger her to act-out, go into survival mode...to seek quick release of swelling emotions through destructive habits.
The best person to define if said behavior is officially acting-out is a qualified therapist. Insist, for your measure of safety, that your husband seek counseling for what he believes is acting out...and see what he does.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

It means he's an immature moron. 

You should consider leaving him for stupidity alone, even without considering the basic fact of his total betrayal.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Acting out means he heard his counselor or someone say that's what he did. Just a pathetic excuse, IMO.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Acting out means that he ate his cake while he had it too.


----------



## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

It means a opportunity presented itself and instead of abstaining like an adult he acted like a child and had a bit of fun.. He acted out instead of walking away.

Sometimes people make stupid choices. I believe it never "just happens". It's always in the back of your mind or you have some idea it MIGHT happen. It's never like.. DUDE I never saw that coming. It was like. "Hi how are you." "Great. Nice seeing you." "Dang! How'd I get inside you!?" 

I suggest MC and IC for him. He needs to realize how much he put on the line.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"Acting Out": Though I appear to be an adult, I am mentally only a child and thus, not responsible for my reprehensible conduct. He can't justify his conduct to you so he does his best to minimize it. Avoiding the full weight of the consequences he rightly deserves and he has earned is his goal in using this term. A dishonorable excuse to cover a dishonorable action committed by a dishonorable man. In his twisted logic, he is as much a victim of his adultery as you.


----------



## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Sounds like the best excuse for cheating he could come up with.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I've used the term 'acting out' to describe what my husband did when he was cheating. My husband is a sex addict and it just seems like a convenient/accurate term to use sometimes. It certainly doesn't excuse what he did.

To me, acting out is what someone does when they misbehave. Usually to do with children


----------



## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Cheaters will use more innocent sounding phrases to make what they did seem less deceitful and dire. They will tell you of friendship, only real friends don't do what they did. They will tell you they were "playing" not having sex, or virtual sex, just so it doesn't sound so bad in the retelling. 

They will tell you it was just a fantasy that went too far, they didn't mean it to happen, they were really not meeting/talking that much at the end, which was conveniently just before you caught them, to make it sound less intense. Or, maybe it's to convince themselves that they aren't such bad people that would do these things.
But, read these posts, how many of them confessed all without having been caught first? How many of them really ended it on their own. Not many, and, if that did happen, did they tell their spouse? Not likely.


----------

