# Double Counselling - But not Relationship...Good IDea or Not?



## lost&alone

My husband and I have been separated since August this year. In the beginning I asked him to see a counsellor with me or at least see one on his own. I am pregnant with our first child so was completely devastated when he said he couldn’t do this anymore. He had said in the beginning that he did not want to work on the relationship and that he was unhappy for so long. But never once has he been able to tell me how long he was unhappy for. I later found out he was having an emotional affair during this time as well. And I believe since the separation they have become more romantically involved. This has been very hard on me throughout the process and probably my emotions have doubled with the pregnancy. I am currently seeing my own counsellor and have been seeing her since the separation. 

Last Monday he approached me and asked if I would consider going for double counselling to work on our communication, not relationship counselling. 

I just don’t know if this is a good idea and am wondering if anyone has done something similar or not and what was the outcome?


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## JennaL10

A counselor to work on communication? Why waste that energy and time when there is no relationship anymore. You are separated. The only thing I can see in the future is the baby needing a father - your husband, obviously. 

Now on the other hand, is he suggesting a reconciliation? Does he want to get back together? Because if that is the case, then you both have to work on the relationship which revolves so much on communication. So yes, a good counselor is definitely a need here.

It must be so confusing for you as well. You are pregnant with his child and yet you are separated. You must want him at times and yet you must hate him and want it to end too. This is so hard! I hope you have family and friends to get you through this. My best wishes to you. Get help, okay?


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## BrianE

Anything that gets the 2 of you talking is a good things.

Wife and I are in joint counseling. The first session she asked what each of us wanted, wife said divorce and what we need to do to move forward. I said reconciliation and what we need to do on that front.

Counselor came up with a plan we both agreed on. We take 2 months with no talk about either of those options. For right now focus on co-parenting and working on being there for the kids during this time. We are also working on communication and expressing how each of us feels.

This is working out good for me because W is starting to see she can talk to me about hard topics and I won't explode or get angry. So I'm hoping over the course of the next 2 months she starts to let her guard down and at least consider reconciliation.


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