# Grandparents rights in Idaho.



## ConanHub

Ok. My son and his fiance just had a baby and my future daughter in law has a biological mother that is extremely disturbed and hostile. They don't want her in their lives or around their son.

Mom from hell is threatening to take them to court to force them to allow visitation.

Does anyone have any experience with this?

I advised them to get a restraining order against this woman and her husband a couple months ago because of continued harassment but they haven't done it yet. Hopefully they will get the restraining order now.

This woman lost custody of her daughter, my future D.O.L., to her husband without any visitation. She wanted to meet her mother and it turned out to be a nightmare so she didn't want to have her in her life.

Any knowledge? We want to protect them and their son from this bat **** crazy woman.

I don't think it will go anywhere but I want to err on the side of caution.


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## happyhusband0005

ConanHub said:


> Ok. My son and his fiance just had a baby and my future daughter in law has a biological mother that is extremely disturbed and hostile. They don't want her in their lives or around their son.
> 
> Mom from hell is threatening to take them to court to force them to allow visitation.
> 
> Does anyone have any experience with this?
> 
> I advised them to get a restraining order against this woman and her husband a couple months ago because of continued harassment but they haven't done it yet. Hopefully they will get the restraining order now.
> 
> This woman lost custody of her daughter, my future D.O.L., to her husband without any visitation. She wanted to meet her mother and it turned out to be a nightmare so she didn't want to have her in her life.
> 
> Any knowledge? We want to protect them and their son from this bat **** crazy woman.
> 
> I don't think it will go anywhere but I want to err on the side of caution.


I know that some states, though not sure about Idaho, that do have laws giving grandparents some rights when it comes to visitation with grandkids. I would think a brief consultation with a decent local attorney should set great light on what the options are. 

I would think if it came to court showing the judge the fact that she lost custody of her own daughter should hopefully lean the court in your DILs favor. 

Good luck, sucks that terrible parents like her mother can't seem to stop causing their kids pain even once they're adults.


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## TJW

There is a recent SCOTUS decision which is detailed here. Basically, the US Supreme Court says that lower courts shal give deference to the parents' decision, whether to allow, or not allow, visitation. The burden-of-proof is upon the grandparent to show why the visitation should be granted.

This is somewhat of an "override" of state statutes which state "grandparents rights":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandparent_visitation

There's also an organization (non-profit) who is working to restore the weight of statutory laws allowing grandparent visitation:

http://www.grandparentsrights.org/


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> Ok. My son and his fiance just had a baby and my future daughter in law has a biological mother that is extremely disturbed and hostile. They don't want her in their lives or around their son.
> 
> Mom from hell is threatening to take them to court to force them to allow visitation.
> 
> Does anyone have any experience with this?
> 
> I advised them to get a restraining order against this woman and her husband a couple months ago because of continued harassment but they haven't done it yet. Hopefully they will get the restraining order now.
> 
> This woman lost custody of her daughter, my future D.O.L., to her husband without any visitation. She wanted to meet her mother and it turned out to be a nightmare so she didn't want to have her in her life.
> 
> Any knowledge? We want to protect them and their son from this bat **** crazy woman.
> 
> I don't think it will go anywhere but I want to err on the side of caution.


I just checked this out on a law website and apparently there are four instances when a grandparent or even a great grandparent can seek either custody or visitation rights.
1.The childs parents are divorced,separated or in the process of 
divorce.
2. One of the parents has died.
3.One or both parents have abandoned the child.
4.The parents have lost custody of the child for any reason.

However these instances are dependent on the grandparent having established a regular relationship with the child by acting as a childminder or as a regular caregiver.
Also Idaho law concerning grandparents will not supersede parental rights and especially if the grandparent has a history of neglect and/or abuse concerning her own children or if the grandparent has a history of mental health or addiction issues.
In other words don’t worry.


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## Cynthia

It is good to head her off by filing a restraining order, if possible, plus seek legal counsel to make sure they head her off and don't do anything that might give her a case. Absolutely do not cave and allow the grandmother any access or visitation with the child even in the presence of the parents. They need to completely cut her off if they haven't already done so.


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## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> I just checked this out on a law website and apparently there are four instances when a grandparent or even a great grandparent can seek either custody or visitation rights.
> 1.The childs parents are divorced,separated or in the process of
> divorce.
> 2. One of the parents has died.
> 3.One or both parents have abandoned the child.
> 4.The parents have lost custody of the child for any reason.
> 
> However these instances are dependent on the grandparent having established a regular relationship with the child by acting as a childminder or as a regular caregiver.
> Also Idaho law concerning grandparents will not supersede parental rights and especially if the grandparent has a history of neglect and/or abuse concerning her own children or if the grandparent has a history of mental health or addiction issues.
> In other words don’t worry.


This falls in line with my understanding as well and I appreciate your research for me.

I was traveling today with no computer access! Thank you!


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> This falls in line with my understanding as well and I appreciate your research for me.
> 
> I was traveling today with no computer access! Thank you!


No problem,enjoy your grandchild.


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## ConanHub

CynthiaDe said:


> It is good to head her off by filing a restraining order, if possible, plus seek legal counsel to make sure they head her off and don't do anything that might give her a case. Absolutely do not cave and allow the grandmother any access or visitation with the child even in the presence of the parents. They need to completely cut her off if they haven't already done so.


They cut her off a few months before their baby was born and she has been harassing them, with her husband's help, ever since.


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## EleGirl

Under Idaho law, grandparents may file for grandparents rights when:
the grandchild's parents are divorced, legally separated, or in the process of divorcing;
one of the grandchild's parents has died;
one of the grandchild's parents has abandoned the child; OR
the parents have lost custody of the grandchild.

Idaho: Idaho Law on Grandparents Rights | Grandparents Rights Law | GrandparentsRightsLaw.com


https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/do-grandparents-have-visitation-rights-idaho.html


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## Cynthia

EleGirl said:


> Under Idaho law, grandparents may file for grandparents rights when:
> the grandchild's parents are divorced, legally separated, or in the process of divorcing;
> one of the grandchild's parents has died;
> one of the grandchild's parents has abandoned the child; OR
> the parents have lost custody of the grandchild.
> 
> Idaho: Idaho Law on Grandparents Rights | Grandparents Rights Law | GrandparentsRightsLaw.com
> 
> 
> https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/do-grandparents-have-visitation-rights-idaho.html


I have heard that it's important to have a will in these cases in case the estranged grandparent may seek visitation or custody in the event of the death of their child, the parent of the grandchild. In a will, the parent can stipulate that there is to be no contact so that their wishes are known in case this occurs.


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## ConanHub

CynthiaDe said:


> I have heard that it's important to have a will in these cases in case the estranged grandparent may seek visitation or custody in the event of the death of their child, the parent of the grandchild. In a will, the parent can stipulate that there is to be no contact so that their wishes are known in case this occurs.


Same thoughts. After my son got home from work, we talked and I encouraged them to do this.

His fiance was at home, taking care of her son when she found out what good ol' mom was up to. She reaches out to Mrs. Conan often and did so yesterday while I was driving a couple hundred miles.

I really appreciate you guys! I was able to fire this post off from a rest stop and by my next stop, I had some good reassuring from you.


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## FieryHairedLady

Sorry to hear they are in this situation. Hope it doesn't come to court. 

Gather evidence from the divorce where the father was given custody and no visitation.


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## personofinterest

Document, document, document! Start an electronic and physical folder with ALL documentation of ANYthing she does or says that is off the rails or harassing.


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## Cynthia

Please up date us on how this turns out or if there are any further difficulties.


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## ConanHub

CynthiaDe said:


> Please up date us on how this turns out or if there are any further difficulties.


Will do. They have obtained her past court records and my son has kept every text they have sent for months.

Smart kids.:smile2:


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## personofinterest

ConanHub said:


> CynthiaDe said:
> 
> 
> 
> Please up date us on how this turns out or if there are any further difficulties.
> 
> 
> 
> Will do. They have obtained her past court records and my son has kept every text they have sent for months.
> 
> Smart kids.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile.png" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a>
Click to expand...

 Very smart kid! 5 or so years ago out of necessity I learned how to become a master of documentation. You may never need it just like I may never need it, but it's real good to know it's there.


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## turnera

When my stepmother did us dirty, CPS advised us to file against her and my dad. We didn't. It ruined our lives.


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## ConanHub

turnera said:


> When my stepmother did us dirty, CPS advised us to file against her and my dad. We didn't. It ruined our lives.


Please share. This might help my kids.


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## turnera

So my DH - who obviously is no saint but has never had less than 150% interest in his daughter's well-being - stood up to my stepmother, when nobody else could. We literally called her (even her own family) the wicked witch of the west. She was abominable. Anyway, the SECOND time she turned DH into Children's Protective Services, they called us. Said they'd already been to see our daughter and there was clearly no abuse going on but they had to meet with us to close the report. We went. I told the woman I knew who did it, named her name. CPS lady said she wasn't allowed to 'verify' who had turned DH in. But she had a piece of advice: go to a lawyer and set up a cease and desist enforcement saying that she couldn't say a single word against my husband lest she end up in court or jail.

I thanked her for her advice and said 'but my dad...' I didn't want my dad to know what his wife had done. We tried to just move on, like we had the first time she'd tried to ruin DH.

And we never did anything. Went home, went on with our lives. Until it started falling apart.

Turns out one of the 5 women she cajoled into signing that letter to CPS 'attesting' to witnessing his abuse lived in our neighborhood. So when he didn't go to jail, she started a rumor. It spread like wildfire; everyone loves a good rumor, right? A year later, someone at the PTA meeting stood up and said 'there's a child abuser in our neighborhood, and we're gonna find him!' We were stunned. 

At that point, we told DD's private school that my dad and his wife could no longer pick up DD whenever they wanted. Meanwhile my dad still didn't know anything, but blamed ME, told me I was a horrible mother, and then all the **** hit the fan - and I became afraid that stepmother would literally TAKE my DD and go away with her, all in the name of 'protecting' her from her dad. Yes, she had done that stuff before. So we had to cut off all communication with my dad.

Another year later, we witnessed a TEACHER telling the mother of our daughter's ONE last friend not to let her daughter hang out with us; school refused to defend us (and the principal lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR to us!). By then, parents were LITERALLY pulling their kids out of the neighborhood pool if we showed up. Taking them off of the Halloween Hayride if we got on.

Also at the same time, DH and DD were getting ready to go on their first YMCA Indian Princess campout, and we get a call the night before telling us that DH and DD had been un-invited to be part of their troup. I cussed that man out SO BAD that night, DD was in tears, but he refused to budge. He believed that DH was a child molester.

Next year, DD is in 6th grade; by then, NO friends left cos by then the rumor had morphed into DH was a serial child molester. No parent would let their kid NEAR us. And then kids started coming up to DD and asking her what her dad had done to her. In other words, the PARENTS had told their kids that he was an evil man. All while DH was volunteering at the school every single week to help the kids.

We ended up having to sell our DREAM home that we had built, and I ended up losing my DREAM job at NASA because of the debt we racked up from having to move. (NASA pays squat)

Why? Because we never went to a lawyer, in the first place. Or in any of the consequential events.


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## Cynthia

Thanks for sharing your story, @turnera. It must still be painful to recall such a traumatic experience. I've seen you mention it before. What a mean, vindictive person your step-mother is. It is really terrible to have lies spread about you and people to actually believe the lies.


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## frusdil

@turnera that's so terrible, I'm so sorry that happened to your family!

The only way a grandparent would ever get "rights" (so many people get that wrong, they have no rights, the CHILD is the one with the rights) is if as others said, a parent of the child has died or the child has enjoyed a close, loving relationship with the grandparents and the childs parents divorce and one of the parents tries to alienate them from their grandparents.

In cases where both parents are on board, no court would ever over rule that, nor should they.


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## ConanHub

turnera said:


> So my DH - who obviously is no saint but has never had less than 150% interest in his daughter's well-being - stood up to my stepmother, when nobody else could. We literally called her (even her own family) the wicked witch of the west. She was abominable. Anyway, the SECOND time she turned DH into Children's Protective Services, they called us. Said they'd already been to see our daughter and there was clearly no abuse going on but they had to meet with us to close the report. We went. I told the woman I knew who did it, named her name. CPS lady said she wasn't allowed to 'verify' who had turned DH in. But she had a piece of advice: go to a lawyer and set up a cease and desist enforcement saying that she couldn't say a single word against my husband lest she end up in court or jail.
> 
> I thanked her for her advice and said 'but my dad...' I didn't want my dad to know what his wife had done. We tried to just move on, like we had the first time she'd tried to ruin DH.
> 
> And we never did anything. Went home, went on with our lives. Until it started falling apart.
> 
> Turns out one of the 5 women she cajoled into signing that letter to CPS 'attesting' to witnessing his abuse lived in our neighborhood. So when he didn't go to jail, she started a rumor. It spread like wildfire; everyone loves a good rumor, right? A year later, someone at the PTA meeting stood up and said 'there's a child abuser in our neighborhood, and we're gonna find him!' We were stunned.
> 
> At that point, we told DD's private school that my dad and his wife could no longer pick up DD whenever they wanted. Meanwhile my dad still didn't know anything, but blamed ME, told me I was a horrible mother, and then all the **** hit the fan - and I became afraid that stepmother would literally TAKE my DD and go away with her, all in the name of 'protecting' her from her dad. Yes, she had done that stuff before. So we had to cut off all communication with my dad.
> 
> Another year later, we witnessed a TEACHER telling the mother of our daughter's ONE last friend not to let her daughter hang out with us; school refused to defend us (and the principal lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR to us!). By then, parents were LITERALLY pulling their kids out of the neighborhood pool if we showed up. Taking them off of the Halloween Hayride if we got on.
> 
> Also at the same time, DH and DD were getting ready to go on their first YMCA Indian Princess campout, and we get a call the night before telling us that DH and DD had been un-invited to be part of their troup. I cussed that man out SO BAD that night, DD was in tears, but he refused to budge. He believed that DH was a child molester.
> 
> Next year, DD is in 6th grade; by then, NO friends left cos by then the rumor had morphed into DH was a serial child molester. No parent would let their kid NEAR us. And then kids started coming up to DD and asking her what her dad had done to her. In other words, the PARENTS had told their kids that he was an evil man. All while DH was volunteering at the school every single week to help the kids.
> 
> We ended up having to sell our DREAM home that we had built, and I ended up losing my DREAM job at NASA because of the debt we racked up from having to move. (NASA pays squat)
> 
> Why? Because we never went to a lawyer, in the first place. Or in any of the consequential events.


Thank you for sharing. This matches with my philosophy of beating bullies into the pavement.

Your stepmother needed to be hurt bad enough to understand that trying to harm your family wasn't going to be injury free.

There is an unfortunate need to attack and destroy people like this because they will harm others if they aren't stopped.


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## sunsetmist

So @ ConanHub, How are you doing??


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## ConanHub

sunsetmist said:


> So @ ConanHub, How are you doing??


I'm trying the 5-HTP and Theanine. I've noticed a mood change, I am still drinking but not nearly as much.

A side affect I didn't anticipate was an increase in an already high libido. LOL! That could pose problems though the benefits outweigh the problems I was having. I do feel better able to cope and make good decisions during stress.

I behaved amazingly the second day of using the supplements. A very stressful day was dealt with decisively and well. I didn't drink that day either.

Thanks for the interest!


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## sunsetmist

Yay for you--truly!! Appreciate update.

I have seen 5-HTP-Extra which has 5-HTP for serotonin plus L-Theanine, Rhodelia, Saffron, and Holy Basil.[OTC pharmacy (Walg) new product], but don't mess with success. Its stated use is Mood and Relaxation. 

Should you need different--do not overlap__Again not to mess with success, but same company makes Stress-Defy Usage = promotes calmness, emotional and mental clarity during times of stress.


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## Cynthia

ConanHub said:


> Thank you for sharing. This matches with my philosophy of beating bullies into the pavement.
> 
> Your stepmother needed to be hurt bad enough to understand that trying to harm your family wasn't going to be injury free.
> 
> There is an unfortunate need to attack and destroy people like this because they will harm others if they aren't stopped.


I tend to agree that it's important to meet evil head on without wavering or weakness. It has to be confronted in no uncertain terms or it is empowered.


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## ConanHub

CynthiaDe said:


> I tend to agree that it's important to meet evil head on without wavering or weakness. It has to be confronted in no uncertain terms or it is empowered.


It is unfortunate and I truly mean it, that just talking to some folks doesn't resolve things.

I come off as probably more brutal than I actually am but if I wasn't willing to destroy a couple of idiots in my years on earth, my marriage wouldn't exist or my children and grandchildren along with six souls that would not be part of the population at the moment and all the children they will have.

There is real evil in all of us and some have chosen to act on it until they are put down.


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## Cynthia

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing.”


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## Cynthia

@ConanHub, Have the kids had any more trouble with the in-laws? How did it all work out?


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## ConanHub

CynthiaDe said:


> @ConanHub, Have the kids had any more trouble with the in-laws? How did it all work out?


My son and his fiance have been involved in jumping through legal hoops with my son's ex over his daughter so they haven't got the restraining order yet but will soon.

The mother's husband just got fired for playing "sexual" games with the juveniles he was supposed to be guarding.

He was a juvenile corrections officer. I suspect a crime was committed and he was fired so the department wouldn't be embarrassed.

My son has taken in his future brother in law, who is 18, because of the abuse he was receiving at the hands of his mother and step dad. He should be going to job core in a couple of weeks.

They are actually doing pretty good at the moment.:smile2:


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## turnera

Sending some thoughts and prayers their way.


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## ConanHub

turnera said:


> Sending some thoughts and prayers their way.


Back at you! I related elements of your story to the kids and I believe it helped them form their plans.

They aren't aware of this forum but we appreciate you!


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