# Light Switch



## MarriedMojo (Aug 19, 2012)

For all the men and women on here I pose the following question: Is it possible to, without a life changing event, have what feels like a light switch being flipped on, realizing that you have taken everything around you for "normal". You have just accepted that what your life is like in the bedroom is "normal", the amount of time you and your SO spend together is "status quo", etc... Then all of a sudden you realize that its not what you want, that you just want things to be different. Then when you talk to your SO about it, it feels like you have just met them for the first time in your life?

I just had an experience like this and I can go into more detail if people ask, I am more curious before I get to happy or hopeful about it that maybe it could in fact be real and not just a phase.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I believe that could happen and I am sure it happens all the time, a good example have you ever read a book then a few weeks later read it again ? and get different meanings or pick up on things that you lost the first time maybe because of where you were in that moment things were going on and you werent concentrating on the book etc or maybe you have just reached their level~ jmo


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

MarriedMojo said:


> For all the men and women on here I pose the following question: Is it possible to, without a life changing event, have what feels like a light switch being flipped on, realizing that you have taken everything around you for "normal". You have just accepted that what your life is like in the bedroom is "normal", the amount of time you and your SO spend together is "status quo", etc... Then all of a sudden you realize that its not what you want, that you just want things to be different. Then when you talk to your SO about it, it feels like you have just met them for the first time in your life?
> 
> I just had an experience like this and I can go into more detail if people ask, I am more curious before I get to happy or hopeful about it that maybe it could in fact be real and not just a phase.


When I read His Needs, Her Needs. That really opened my eyes, both ways. I have been exploring my sexual needs (and all other needs) ever since.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

YES! went through this in February. Light switch moment. No idea what brought it on. Things have never been better!!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Yes- enlightenment or awakening. Absolutely yes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I want to hear more!!


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

Hear more ... where to start? 

For me it was "I am getting old, I am totally out of shape, starting to get fat, I am tired all the time, I never want to have sex, DH goes to bed before me and doesn't complain about not having sex. IS THIS ALL THERE IS??" one night just sitting there contemplating. It was dead of winter, probably mid-February. 

I resolved. Tomorrow. Start working out. See where that takes you. Start easy don't get too crazy but start. and I did: made a rule, every 3rd day no excuses. Just something. 

After a few weeks of that it was "well, our Anniv is coming up, let's plan an overnight at the sex motel" (pool in room, jacuzzi, mirrors everywhere, music, steam room, etc etc.) I need to get into even BETTER shape. Ramped up the workouts. 

Started noticing the workouts were having an effect. I started to have more energy. I was not letting my DH go to bed early, but keeping him up chit chatting after my workouts and then jumping on him. Eating better. My body just feeling more regular and consistent. 

Got my hair cut for our anniv weekend (it was totally unmanaged super long hair down below my butt only because I was lazy and careless about my looks.) Ramped up workouts again. 

Anniv weekend came and went. Things went ok but not exactly as I had planned. I had another revelation that something else in my life needed to be dialed up. Several long conversations with my DH about why we only did sex weekends once a year, why not once a month? and when we do them why are we not trying new (and dirtier) things? 

From there, I think there was some fear? nerves? suspicion? agitation? at my sudden interest in having sex all the time and in lots of different ways. that lasted a few weeks. So I think that's why I started what I like to call "Being Nice." Paying attention to him and what he wanted to talk about. Not arguing about petty stuff. Letting him make decisions and not second guessing them. Going along with him more. That really had an effect! 

Fast forward another month and I found the Red Pill guy and the No More Mr Nice Guy and realized I had been running a red pill girl game on him without even knowing it! LOL

It's been a few months since then and now I have a label for the things I was doing. Fitness testing. now that we both know about this we make a conscious effort to avoid them and generally I just defer to my DH as the man to make the call, do whatever needs to be done and leave it at that. 

It's true some things around the house and property have fallen by the wayside (because I am not shrieking at him about getting them done all the time) but we are having a LOT more fun, we getting along better than ever and our marriage is stronger and more enjoyable than it's ever been. Those are worth a little housework and honey-do lists taking longer than usual ...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Sounds like to me you started paying more attention to yourself(carign for yourself) ..built some confidence and relaxed a bit you dont have to rely on your husband for every bit of self esteem you have ..

If you can be "O.K ' with your self ..feel positive about your future..then you dont have to be such a control freak(over others) out of fear you arent in control...Becasue you realize you ARE in control ..of YOUR SELF..

CONGRATS!!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> When I read His Needs, Her Needs. That really opened my eyes, both ways. I have been exploring my sexual needs (and all other needs) ever since.


Great book!








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

"built some confidence and relaxed a bit you don't have to rely on your husband for every bit of self esteem you have"

Dallas: the problem was more that I wanted to be Alpha as I am very strong willed and have a HUGE, giant ego / superiority complex. LOL almost exactly the opposite of what you surmised. 

I think the problem was I was in a rut. Just the act of getting myself off the couch and moving was the impetus I needed to look around me and appreciate what I had a bit more and quit worrying about whether the pasture was mowed within an inch of its life on a monthly basis or the junk table in the kitchen was being cleared off on my schedule.

The workouts were just a catalyst. Not the solution.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Dallas: the problem was more that I wanted to be Alpha as I am very strong willed and have a HUGE, giant ego / superiority complex. LOL almost exactly the opposite of what you surmised.


Hmm...what I was thinking is you watned to be the alpha due to insecurities..."Im fat ...Im old etc???


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

nope. separate issues.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> Great book!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Totally.

I only read it when one of my friends suggested it to me. It was after my divorce and I was in a relationship with a girl for a year or so (she's now my fiancee). I had been explaining how I was going through some rough stuff and he suggested this book.

I didn't even really want to read it at first, but did so more out of boredom than anything.

By chapter three I was fully engulfed. Really helped me with my self-esteem, as it reinforced with me that my needs were valid and I wasn't crazy to actually want things, like sex and friends (my ex-wife had really brow beat that into me), and it also showed me a bit of what women value and how somethings we hold dear as men, women don't. I kind of knew that already, but I don't think I really understood how far apart they were.

It's a book I'd recommend be manditory reading for anyone who is engaged, or even for older teenagers/young adults. So many marriages can be saved if people can understand a bit better what the other sex wants/needs.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

My wife was sexually repressed for a long time. So just having vanilla sex, having an O, and occasionally trying something new is like a new world. I have been trying to get my wife to open up sexually but she is still very embarrassed by anything out of the ordinary. 
I am not saying we don't have a good sex life. We have gone through three beds so far. Our next one is going to be welded together.


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## VickyInmano (Aug 24, 2012)

I believe that could happen and I am sure it happens all the time


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

Lights recently cut on for me....

I've been in sort of a rut for a while, no real interest in sex, annoyed by minor things, etc. We seemed to have had a disconnect for some time. Neither of us complained about it, it just happened. He's into his thing, i'm into mine......blah. "We're here" type of deal, no excitement....

I think I know hat sparked it. We took the kids for a picnic one weekend (which went HORRIBLY wrong due to mosquitos, heat, ants, you name it LOL). We were walking and he had a heavy backpack on with camera gear, khakis, white tee, flip flops, aviators on—he looked like a dad....... but he looked like a REALLY HOT dad. He just looked so sexy to me in that moment and it was one of those, "Wow, this is *my* husband" moments LOL. 

I started to analyze what I have. I have an extremely attractive husband that I KNOW other women check out. He is intelligent, knows how to fix things around the house, the perfect handyman, really..... he recently did some hardcore work on my SUV, got all sweaty and dirty doing it LOL. He's a really hard worker that never complains. He goes along with pretty much anything. He values my opinions and frequently asks for my advice. He's not a partier, he's always home on time, puts mine and the kids' needs before his own......after a long day at work he will rub lotion on my feet if I ask.... plays with my hair until I go to sleep.....cleans..... you name it. HOW could I have seriously been taking this for granted? He's not perfect but damn he's really close. I see all the women around me complaining about their husbands and I see marriages falling apart before they've even really started and I guess I just realized how lucky I am to have such an awesome guy. This did not take any real prompting from him. There were no ultimatums, no threats..... I just "saw the light".

And I am sure there will come another point that we get back into our rut but I have all faith that I will yet again take one random look at him and fall in love all over again.....


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Mina,
I absolutely loved this post - thank you for inspiring me.


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