# Religious hassles



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Turns out having a broken home is proving annoying in terms of raising a child of mixed religions. My ex is still Christian while I'm not, and so far she's been taking our little one to Church to the point it's already become expected (and she has friends there too). The result is alot of confusion.

At present times my daughter is too young to discuss religion in my opinion and I don't want to isolate her from her friends at church. Still the refusal of acceptance in terms of other religions found in Christianity is showing its ugly head when it comes to my daughter. Co-parenting can be difficult in this regard considering we have been gradually developing independence from each other's decisions since seperation last year.

So what to do? As I feared, looks like sunday school is now convincing her that daddy is going to hell -.-


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

"I know lots of people believe in hell but just as many people do not."

How Families Practice Their Beliefs and Religions - Free Shipping

And then you follow that up with...


"In my home, all religions are respected for the good they bring to people's lives."


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have taught my daughter in regards to mine and other religions thus far, she is very outspoken and talkative which is proving a problem as it's like she's an intermediary between my ex/church and I, with arguments being thrown back and forth!

I have tried to guide her into becoming more reserved but too much of ex's influence I think when it comes to speaking her mind. I fear she may become more of a black sheep if this continues on. I'm thinking of making a visit today and see if they can temper their preaching in sunday school however chances are they won't be able to - considering my daughter is really inquisitive.

This problem has been escalating in recent times and I don't know if it's because of the divorce that's making it difficult or that she's just growing up or that she just haven't spent enough time with me. I only see her for 2 days a week and for a few hours on Sunday I don't have her.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I feel for you friend......I am a Christian but know how too often they beat the Bible against your head...which is very, very wrong.....the best thing you can do,I feel, is mimic noble and honorable traits that have nothing to do with religion. The most wonderful people I have ever known are NOT Christians...

How old is she if I may ask?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

My DH and I are agnostic and atheist respectively. We chose to send our kids to a Catholic school because it is a good school and their cousins already attended. Both of them are coming home telling me all about God and Jesus etc. I've told them they are free to believe whatever they like but I've also been honest in telling them that I don't believe any of it. DH is a little concerned about it, I'm not.

I'm not worried because I was once that little girl who said her prayers and set up a little altar in her room with pictures of Mary and rosary beads. I grew up and chose for myself what felt right for me. I'm happy for my children to learn about religion, to even immerse themselves in it to gain a better understanding of it. The values they teach there are generally very good, and are in line with what we are trying to teach them anyway. I'm happy to be an example to them that allows them to see that you don't have to be religious to be a good and moral person, and that if you don't believe you can still practice tolerance and acceptance of other people's beliefs.

I think your daughter sounds like a strong minded little individual and one day she'll choose for herself what she wants to believe.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How un-Christian those people are. I was raised as a Protestant and taught to respect all religions.

Perhaps, a gentle reminder that Christ was a Jew and Christ would not look kindly on people knocking others' religions.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She's still a baby at five, hence my worries. It's already too late to tell my ex to take her to a more liberal church considering this church is already more liberal then the last one which I had problems with.

I'm paranoid because my ex and I had alot of religious problems in the past and I don't want this to repeat with my own daughter especially since my ex has her five days a week. Bah!


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Are you an atheist, or do you follow a different religion than Christianity? Your post wasn't clear on that. I know it is difficult and unfair no matter which, but there might be a platform if you do follow a religion, even if it differs.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm a shamanist, core similarities remain being monotheism, core differences are many, and consulting with spirits is considered consulting with demons/practicing witchcraft etc etc (which I don't - that's the shaman's job!) Due to shamanism being a minority nowadays there's not much understanding or recognition. Still, my faith allows me to believe in anything or nothing at all, hence I am mostly a semi-atheist if anything.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> I'm a shamanist, core similarities remain being monotheism, core differences are many, and consulting with spirits is considered consulting with demons/practicing witchcraft etc etc (which I don't - that's the shaman's job!) Due to shamanism being a minority nowadays there's not much understanding or recognition. Still, my faith allows me to believe in anything or nothing at all, hence I am mostly a semi-atheist if anything.


dang, I was hoping it was a religion I was more familiar with haha I do not know much about Shamanism. You say it is monotheistic, though? So do you believe in a creator? I am trying to think of ways you could connect with your daughter and make religious talking a positive experience. I know she's only 5, so it'd have to be simplistic. I love when I can connect to others with what is a "different" religion than my own and we can calmly discuss and find common ground and learn from each other. If there are elements of a creator and an afterlife, this could be a way to connect with her and teach her some without totally derailing her Christian beliefs or worrying her mother.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Shamanism encompasses many different beliefs and faiths. When I was with my ex we were pretty much a team when it comes to our daughter embracing both sides of our faiths but now co-parenting is increasingly difficult as my ex has ventured further into her own independent decisions when it comes to parenting - especially pressure from her church and friends.

We had minimal issues with the "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life" + "My joke is light but my path is narrow" before, however now it seems my beliefs and influence is under attack. It makes me wonder if the liberal stance of ex's new church was all a show really considering despite the 'modern' front they showed since once they have spotted an opportunity to preach against my faith they have taken it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, you know, church has cookies and costumes and singing. Singing is what lures people in. If you sing with someone, you belong to them.

I think you should introduce her to Shamanistic lifestyle and ceremonies and practices. Even if it's not completely aligned with your own beliefs, you can find a lot of the core of Shamanism by going to PowWow and drumming groups, etc. Plus there are a lot of movies you could watch with her. 

My dad was sneaky. My mother was Catholic but my dad joined the Congregational Church and so I would finish up with the Catholics and their donuts (only once a month) and singing and arts and crafts and go down to the Congregational Church where people did not wave incense over you and chant in Latin and dress fancy but at least they had donuts and social time every week. And in the youth group, we usually just had social time, with mixed genders, and when we got older there was .... kissing as we visited other youth groups for exchange events and also retreats.

But also during that time my dad would teach me about Native American practices. Like you, I'm Shamanistic. But if you have a Quaker Meeting close to you, you will find that they have one type of Quaker who is a naturalist, and you could align with those as well. Some Quakers are of a Christian bent, and as a result some meetings do tend to be Christian in nature, you would want to avoid those. Usually they sit in silence. So there is no doctrine except for discernment, which is at the core of Shamanism, and happens best when aligned with nature and aware of unnatural forces (and how to absorb and manage them.)

I guess the idea would be to show her that one particular church is not the only one. And also to avoid her being picked up for church with Mom on the weekends you have her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The one thing Christianity has an advantage over my faith is its community, and as for my ex picking her up each Sunday it's because my daughter wants to go to meet her friends there unless I have something already planned. She's been going to church for years.

She's also a very social young lady, even to boys, though other parents told me that she 'bullies' them most of the time with her little 'gang' which I consider 'teasing' that I taught her (hehe). Meh, I am proud of her, just annoying to deal with wat I consider adult matters so early in her development


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Start here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo

Show it to her and tell her how you feel. She needs to be considerate about your opinion/beliefs and you both have to align them together and be on the same page when it comes to your daughter.

My wife is religious but doesn't go to church etc. She tells the kids all kinds of weird **** that they don't believe anyways......while I show them George carlin videos and tell them to decide on their own.

We don't mind eachothers ways....hehe


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RD,

Let me get this straight.

You feel your kid is too young to bring religion into her life yet your Ex is systematically indoctrinating her with religion.

This is out if your hands due to your Ex.

It's too late to keep religion out of her life and in fact if you disagree with the teaching she's getting it is your parental duty to show your kid that there is more than one belief and she can consider.

Start talking to her about what she's learning in church and give her your beliefs to ponder and consider.
While doing that give her other concepts of morality and worldview to consider as well.

Let her know that ultimately she has the power to choose what she bases her worldview on.

This is important man and a subject that has caused me more than a bit of pain and confusion concerning my own daughter.

I had the same ideas as you about teaching my child about religion, thought she should be left alone about it until old enough to decide for herself.

That didn't work out for me because the rest of the world doesn't't care what I thought about my child's spiritual beliefs and forced my hand.

Do not be silent, your views are every bit as valid as your wife's.

Take the high road here RD, your kid will figure out what's what.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm a bit confused about your stating that the church she attends is "liberal." By my understanding, the beliefs they are teaching her are much more conservative, almost ''fundamentalist." Bible-thumpers...

I am Catholic, maybe I'm missing something...?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like there's no way around it, the tug of war begins...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Doesn't have to be a tug of war RD.

I said take the high ground.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sure, but the high ground will still result in a tug of war nonetheless. I'll have a chat with my ex tomorrow in regards to this issue and see if we can re-establish our joint opinion in terms of interreligious issues in regards to our daughter. If not then... bah!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> I'm a bit confused about your stating that the church she attends is "liberal." By my understanding, the beliefs they are teaching her are much more conservative, almost ''fundamentalist." Bible-thumpers...
> 
> I am Catholic, maybe I'm missing something...?


Sorry to quote my own post, but I am confused? Please clarify what you mean by "liberal" church.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Liberal Christianity as in secular and modern - not fundamentalist/evangelical

Ex's previous church was very modern, but also very materialistic/fundamentalistic. This one hated on me less so I chose the lesser of two evils considering I wanted her to continue practicing her faith as I have nothing against Christianity itself and it has helped her in the past. 

But I guess I was wrong considering my daughter is being heavily influenced despite the secular foundations I taught her.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Thank you for clarifying. I am genuinely interested in *shamanism.* Just curious... do you come from a familial lineage to shamans, or is this something you pursued on your own due to your beliefs?

Not trying to start a religious debate at all... i have a very strong curiosity in shamans and the spiritual realm.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No, but some members of my family are still nomads, so it's heritage. Furthermore I like the freedom of opinion and beliefs, to believe in anything and nothing at all - and not be judged. Besides the one reality I can't deny is the natural order of the world.

I fear my daughter may be seduced by the community, the music, and the culture of the church however, which unfortunately living in a western country the community for our people is much more limited - and furthermore most are buddhists.


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## roseblssm6 (Mar 29, 2014)

That's a tough situation. I'm not divorced but my husband is Christian and I am not. I think I'm more agnostic at this point. He still talks to our kids about his belief and I'm honest with them about where I stand when they ask questions. I try to just direct it more to a "religion is personal" view and they can "believe what they feel they want to believe" with no judgement from me and that I'm always willing to talk about it with them if they have questions. Ours are 3,6 & 8. I considered myself a Christian until 3 years ago or so. It's been difficult for my H to accept my different beliefs now. But I hope you're able to resolve the issue with the ex without great struggle.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Sorry for your troubles RD. Speaking as a Mormon I have been told more times than I care to remember that I am going to hell by more omniscient Christians than I can count. Very sad indeed at the end of the day.

Are you still comfortable at your old church? Could you take her there some Sunday's? If I believed as you believe and wanted my daughter to have different perspective that is an open one I believe I would take her to at Unitarian congregation where everything is examined and nothing is deemed ("from Satan"). Based on what I have read and how you approach things I think you may enjoy it as well.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I no longer attend church with my ex and daughter, and I don't think I'm going to be able to convince either of them to change church considering they've both become rooted in the community and friends. I have no choice but to deal with the issue head-on.


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