# Choosing porn over sex?



## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

I know this question has been asked to death already, and I had read through the forum and read other people's questions so sorry if people get annoyed. I should also point out that I am 4 months pregnant which makes things even more complicated.

I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now, and at first we had sex multiple times a day when we were together, we were both university students and lived in different cities but would see each other at least 4 times a week, if not more. We have now both graduated and see each other every day, our has sex life has obviously slowed down and we were having sex two or tree times a week which was fine by me. But for the last couple of months (since before we found out I was pregnant) we sometimes go weeks without anything and when we finally have sex I always initiate it. I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets angry and tells me that normal couples don't have sex everyday and that my expectations are ridiculous, when I say I don't want sex everyday but more than once a month would be nice he just gets angry and refuses to talk to me. He tells me he still finds me attractive and loves to have sex with me but he doesn't want to have sex all the time. I am a very sexual person and I do try and initiate it quite often, but there are times I try to give him a blowjob and he pushes me away. 

He won't even kiss me properly anymore, if I try and kiss him he will give me a quick peck and pull away from me, he will happily snuggle with me and kiss me on the top of the head when I'm cuddled into him, but if I try and kiss him on the lips for more than a few seconds he pulls away and says he can't breathe. 

I've always known that he watches porn and it has never really bothered me, we would talk about it quite openly and he would say things about his housemates knocking on his door when he was in the middle of w***ing and we would laugh about it, I'm not the kind of girlfriend who hates porn and wants it banned, if I'm not there or don't want sex then I fully understand that he would watch it because we lived apart. I even know that he masturbates over pictures of girls on facebook and when I first found this out I actually saw him doing it through his bedroom window (he sleeps on the ground floor and I went to knock the window for him to let me in) I was really really hurt but I came to terms with it and read on lots of forums that it was normal and that it didn't mean he didn't want me. However he is watching porn everyday and refusing to have sex with me. I have become so hurt and paranoid about it that I check his history on a daily basis to see what he has been doing, and without fail everyday he has been trawling through facebook pages of girls photos and watching porn. I bought it up with him a few weeks ago, and told him that I knew he was watching it and that I knew he watched it every single day, I asked him why he would choose that over me and why he would tell me he wasn't interested but still go and masturbate. He got angry and said that sometimes he would go on the porn websites but then think he wasn't in the mood and that was totally normal, then he got out my car and just left. He fought to get me back even though I told him that I didn't think our relationship was normal and that the things he did hurt me, but I love him so much and I don't want to be without him. Since we got back together, he started deleting his internet history everyday before I got home from work so I knew what he had been doing, otherwise he would have no reason to delete it. He hasn't been doing it for the past week of so as I think he must think I don't bother to check it anymore and he still masturbates just as much.

For the past three days, before I have left the house I have tried to have sex with him, I have tried touching him, or tried to initiate giving him a blowjob and he has brushed me away saying he felt sick and wasn't in the mood. But I know from looking at his history, that within minutes of me closing the front door he has been looking at girls on facebook and watching porn. There is less than 10 minutes between me offering him sex/a blowjob and him turning me down to him masturbating over porn/girls on facebook.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm in pieces and I love him so much. I know if I bring it up with him the same thing will happen, he will get angry and just start deleting his history again because he obviously thinks he is much more intelligent than me and if he does that I won't know what he's doing. I'm so hurt and so angry and this whole post probably makes little sense as it's just me sat here rambling away and my emotions pouring out so I am sorry for that. I don't want to be a single mother and I don't want to leave him over this but I sit and cry sometimes because I just don't know what to do. He tells me he loves me all the time, and I do actually believe him, maybe I'm just a bigger fool than I already feel though. I don't really know.


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## InsecureSecurity (Aug 7, 2011)

Did this really start up around the time you two found out you were pregnant? I only ask because when I found out my wife was pregnant I was having a hard time with the idea of bringing a baby into my life and I did not deal well with it. It wasn't until much later that I accepted it and embraced it. Unfortunately, we miscarried and I didn't get a chance to raise that baby, but as a man I was terrified about what kind of father I would be. How am I going to support my family? How we work all this out? Will my child like me, or hate me? Unfortunately I also had some selfish feelings with the whole idea of not having any time to hang out with my guy friends or having time to just do the things I enjoyed doing.

I promise that I'm not trying to diminish your feelings. I'm trying to give you an idea where his mind may be. I also know that when I first found out my wife was pregnant I outright refused to have sex with her. It took me a while to finally tell her how weird I found it to have sex with her while my child was growing inside her. I got over it eventually and the sex was fantastic. During this time though I did succumb to porn use to use as a "release" because it was much easier than trying to deal with the emotions of having sex with the woman who was bearing my child. 

Ask him how he is feeling about the pregnancy and hopefully he will be able to talk to you. Some men (and women) have a tough time discussing their feelings, but you have to try. I know it's rough on you right now, especially expecting a child, but if the two of you love each other then you may have to take that first step to get your relationship to a better place.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I have read some pretty interesting articles about how porn/addiction causes physical and psychological changes in a man's brain.

From my experience, the only person who is going to stop this is him. I'm sorry, and I know it makes you feel helpless... But really there is not much you can do, other than set your own boundaries and stick to them.

I found the Facebook thing to be a little weird... Why would he be turned on by those pix... Or is there something I'm missing here?

Why not just watch porn if you want to see naked chics and get off??


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

Thanks for your replies, it started about a month or so before we found out I was pregnant so I don't think that's why. I do know he found it hard coming to terms with the baby once we did find out but we talk about it a lot now and he tells me how excited he is to become a father. 

I found the facebook thing really weird myself, because the girls aren't naked or anything, just normal pictures. But when I was looking it up online it seems that he is far from the only one to do it and lots of guys admitted to it and said it was normal.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Men choking their chickens with their hands seems to be the theme of this section recently.

As for men whacking to clothed women, well, there is a certain allure to it. Like for me, I like the undressing, and the tease, and the conquest, and the challenge. Sounds to me however that he simply needs his buttons pushed, buttons that you need to learn about however.

Not all men are just turned on by simply a woman jumping on a bed and spreading. There's an art to seduction - and every man is different.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

My guess is that he is losing interest in you and is fishing Facebook for other women. I consider that cheating. 

Do NOT underestimate what your pregnancy is doing to him. As InsecureSecurity so aptly put it, men (and women) have a lot of fears about becoming parents. I got pregnant right after college when I was 22 and I married the father, who I had been dating for 9 months. I was too young and naive to know just how much having a baby would change my life, but boy did it ever. That baby turned 20 years old yesterday and I have no regrets about having him, but my marriage to his dad did not last. Like so many young marriages, we just were too young to even know how to make a marriage work.

I would try to have a non-confrontational conversation with your BF about the pregnancy and your relationship. Don't talk about your sex life. Talk about your fears and insecurities about having the baby and how it will impact your relationship to him (I hope you can be honest enough with yourself to acknowledge that you have some worries!) and see if he opens up about his. I would also tell him that making female friends on Facebook is not okay with you and that you consider it inappropriate. I am not sure what type of relationship you have with your BF, so that is something you need to figure out with him. Are you both agreeable to a committed relationship? Don't assume it without discussing it.

Babies usually don't improve a bad relationship,although a lot of people somehow think a baby will bring them closer together and that all their problems will go away. Not true. Babies are needy and add stress to your life. They need a lot of time and attention and you will be sleep-deprived to boot, so try to get your relationship on track now if you plan to raise this baby together. I would even see a couples counselor who can help you address some of the issues I've mentioned above.

I love my kids more than anything, but you don't do yourself or your BF any favors by glossing over this huge, life-changing event that is happening. Your sex life is the least of your worries, in my opinion, and your lack of sex is an indication that something needs fixing in the relationship in general.


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

He doesn't talk to the girls on Facebook he just looks at their photos. He is already friends with them on their as they are usually girls he was in school with. In terms of a committed relationship we are defiantly on the same level and have discussed it before. I feel at such a loss right now as I have no idea what to do or how to try and discuss the subject with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think you have a right to be concerned. It is hard enough to become parents and it will be even tougher if you feel like you can't trust him. If he is in a committed relationship, why does he feel the need to look at his female friends online? You need to figure that out. I would not worry so much about the porn at this point. 

I am 44, but when I was in my 20's it was really hard for me to talk openly with my now-ex husband. In some ways, I guess I didn't know how to advocate for my needs. We never really talked about problems and we grew apart over time. After 10 years we divorced. 

Maybe you could start by writing a letter to your BF? You could tell him that you love him and that you want to make sure you are on the same page about the baby and your relationship. Then tell him what you want and what your concerns are. Tell him you are willing to work on any issues. Make sure to do this by focusing on your feelings and wishes, not by accusing him of anything.

Sometimes people are afraid to tell the truth in a relationship, worried it will hurt the other person or cause trouble. But I would say that NOT talking about what's on your mind and what you need is THE kiss of death for any relationship.

So if you write your BF a letter, you need to be prepared to hear some hard truths from him - that he's scared, that he's not sure about the relationship, that he's worried about providing for the baby, that he's afraid of losing his freedom, etc. I would encourage you to just listen to what he says without getting defensive. If he feels safe being honest with you, and you can validate his feelings, he will be more likely to validate yours and it could even make you guys closer. 

If you are truly at a loss, spend the money to see a couples counselor at least once together. It will cost about $160 if you don't have insurance, but it is money well-spent. That way you can at least get everything out in the open and begin to learn what each of you is thinking and feeling.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

It is a simple as he's figured out what sex does (makes babies) and it absolutely sh1t scared as a result?

Or that he has been conditioned to believe that pregnant women don't wan't / shouldn't have sex and therefore he shouldn't respond?

Or that he should grow up and work out that this _*is*_ real life, pull his head out and get on with living?


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

I have tried to talk to him today, I approached it asking him how he felt about our relationship and about me, to which he said he is happy with both the relationship and me and feels that we get on well. Then I asked him about the baby and he said in the beginning he was worried and scared but he has had months to come to terms with it and that he is really looking forward to it now.

Then I bought up the lack of sex in our relationship and he said that it is ridiculous to think that couples have sex everyday, and that he certainly isn't that sort of person and will never change. Obviously I found this hard to listen to knowing that he watches porn everyday and so when I bought this up with him, I wasn't aggressive or mean to him, I simply asked him why he was watching it daily, and usually as soon as I left the house and at first he told me I was wrong and being totally ridiculous, I broke down in tears and told him I had seen it on his computer history and that I knew he had done it and that all I wanted was to understand what was going on because I love him and I want to be with him. He told me that he doesn't even remember and that sometimes people don't want to have sex and would rather masturbate and that it's totally normal and that I'm crazy for looking at his history and that from now on he will make sure he never saves the history on his computer. I left in floods of tears because I don't know what to do. I tried to understand, I approached it openly and told him I didn't have a problem with porn and that I understand all men watch it, but why turn me down and say he doesn't have a high enough sex drive to have sex often, I don't expect it "everyday" as he keeps throwing accusations at me. And yet I know that he masturbates everyday? He basically laughed in my face and told me I was wrong to go through his history and that he should be able to do whatever he likes. 

I feel sick and completely in pieces about this. I don't want to be a single mum, I don't want to be alone but I certainly don't want to settle for this.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Unmarried said:


> I have tried to talk to him today, I approached it asking him how he felt about our relationship and about me, to which he said he is happy with both the relationship and me and feels that we get on well. Then I asked him about the baby and he said in the beginning he was worried and scared but he has had months to come to terms with it and that he is really looking forward to it now.
> 
> Then I bought up the lack of sex in our relationship and he said that it is ridiculous to think that couples have sex everyday, and that he certainly isn't that sort of person and will never change. Obviously I found this hard to listen to knowing that he watches porn everyday and so when I bought this up with him, I wasn't aggressive or mean to him, I simply asked him why he was watching it daily, and usually as soon as I left the house and at first he told me I was wrong and being totally ridiculous, I broke down in tears and told him I had seen it on his computer history and that I knew he had done it and that all I wanted was to understand what was going on because I love him and I want to be with him. He told me that he doesn't even remember and that sometimes people don't want to have sex and would rather masturbate and that it's totally normal and that I'm crazy for looking at his history and that from now on he will make sure he never saves the history on his computer. I left in floods of tears because I don't know what to do. I tried to understand, I approached it openly and told him I didn't have a problem with porn and that I understand all men watch it, but why turn me down and say he doesn't have a high enough sex drive to have sex often, I don't expect it "everyday" as he keeps throwing accusations at me. And yet I know that he masturbates everyday? He basically laughed in my face and told me I was wrong to go through his history and that he should be able to do whatever he likes.
> 
> I feel sick and completely in pieces about this. I don't want to be a single mum, I don't want to be alone but I certainly don't want to settle for this.


He masturbates to porn everyday, but doesn't want sex everyday.. hmm.. Then why masturbate everyday then. Sounds to me like he may have a porn addiction. You might want to read up on it and see if it fits... There are ways to check internet history *even* if it has been deleted, if you really want to know what he doing.

It is NOT normal to masturbate all the time over having sex. 

"He doesn't have a high enough sex drive to have sex.." What that means is he is selfish and doesn't care enough about your sexual needs, only his own.

I don't think you are crazy whatsoever. You are worried about where things are going in your relationship with him.

How long has it been since you have had sex with him?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

ladybird said:


> It is NOT normal to masturbate all the time over having sex.


This is only true if there is no reason for the apparent rejection.

The OP needs to find out the reason.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I forgot to mention in my post that he may have issues in the relationship.. Usually, when there is lack of sex going on in a relationship there are bigger things going on.. Lack of sex is just a symptom for something bigger.

You need to find out what the problems are and try to fix them together.

Also do you ever tell him no when it comes to sex?


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

First off, I am sorry your boyfriend is acting like an immature a$$hole. You deserve much better than what he is giving you.

It sounds like you did the right thing by talking to him and he is just not willing or able to deal with you in an honest way. That is HIS problem. 

Just remember that if this relationship does not work out, you will survive. You don't need to stay with someone who is addicted to porn and unwilling to be honest with you about things. You and your baby deserve better than that.

Will your parents take you in if you break up with your boyfriend? The good news is that he will have to pay you child support if things don't work out.

I just don't want you to think that you have to stay with this miserable ****** or that you don't have options. You do have options and if he doesn't start treating you right then you should not stay with him just because you are pregnant. 

I would tell your boyfriend that you are not happy with his lack of honesty and that you want to start couples counseling with him. If he refuses to go, then there is not much you can do to make him go. If he refuses, tell him that you are going to start therapy to figure out what you want and if you want to stay in the relationship. That might get his attention.

I just want to say that you have every right to feel upset and you are NOT crazy at all. He is trying to shift the blame and distract you from what he is doing (porn addiction, crusing FB for girls, etc.) by getting upset about you looking at his internet history. Don't buy it! When people have nothing to hide and are doing nothing wrong, they are open, honest and don't get defensive.


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

Thank you so much for all your replies.

My parents are willing to support me so I know I am lucky. But I love him and obviously I'm foolish enough to hope that we will work out.

We had sex a about a week ago, it's not like we never have sex, it's just quite rare and only ever initiated by me, and if I bring that up my gosh is there an argument. I'm told that I shouldn't be keeping track of who starts things and it doesn't matter who starts them anyway. Every time I try to talk to him he turns it into an argument where is main concern is making me feel like an idiot so I give up. I tried to ask him yesterday why he won't kiss me, why more than a peck on the lips is too much for him and his response was just "It's not, I have no idea what you're talking about", or why minutes after I leave he is masturbating and all he says is "As far as I know, that didn't even happen". You can't talk to someone like that or try to find out what the problem is when they blindly refuse to talk to you or even admit anything. Anything I say is twisted to be about me and then he tells me I'm wrong and he can't win so he won't talk to me anymore because my questions are stupid and not worth answering. I feel so stuck and I feel like having this baby is the worst thing I could possibly be doing. I don't want to be tied to this idiot for the rest of my life but I can't see how I can make a clean break and forget about him when we have a child together.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

here is an article about blame shifting. this is exactly what it sounds like he is doing. I found it here. Shifting the Blame

We’ve been doing it since the beginning of time: Adam blames Eve; Eve blames the serpent. We see the resulting chaos. 

Shifting the blame is the oldest tactic known to humankind for avoiding taking responsibility for our actions. While shifting the blame may seem innocuous enough, it is deadly. 

If we all do it, can it really be so bad? The answer is unquestionably, ‘yes!’

Consider the consequences of shifting the blame:

• The guilty person escapes taking responsibility, thus never changing their behavior;
• With behavior never changing, old patterns continue;
• Shifting the blame, combined with old dysfunctional patterns create chaos, altering the conversation from the guilty person’s actions onto the innocent party;
• The innocent party feels “false guilt” from the shifting of responsibility;
• True repentance (“turning away from”) does not occur.

From this perspective it is easy to see that shifting the blame, creates immense problems in a marriage and our other relationships. Shifting the blame is, at its deepest level, an act of immaturity and creates frustration, anger, and confusion.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Trust your feelings! He is not giving you anything to work with right now and you are smart to recognize it. Brining up your baby in a contentious household is not the best case scenario. If your boyfriend can't be man enough to have an adult conversation with you, that does not bode well for the future of the relationship and I think you are recognizing it.

When I got pregnant by accident with my first child, I had a very hard time accepting it. I had just graduated from college the previous year, was living in a great apartment with three of my best friends, working in a fun job, and dating my wonderful boyfriend. Yes, we were in love, but having a baby and getting married were not things I wanted to do until my late 20's. But my doctor gave me some good advice. He said that in life, the plans that we make always get altered in some way. He said that no matter what I chose to do (keep the baby or not), my life had already changed and I had to accept this. And he was right.

So you are pregnant and that won't change. And in the end, you are going to never regret having your child. The love you feel for your baby will make any love you feel for your boyfreind seem so small in comparison. So the baby is happening, but you have a choice about the boyfriend! You get to choose if he is good enough for you. You get to choose if he gets to enjoy the benefits of the wonderful person you are. If he's not being a good partner, and I agree that he's NOT, then you don't have to keep him. 

I was a single mother for many years and finally remarried 5 years ago after my divorce. You will have NO problem finding the right person if your boyfriend isn't the one for you. Yes, you will have a baby, but there will be many men who will love you and accept you as a package deal. To be honest, that's the sort of guy you'd want anyway, right?

Having my two sons has been the biggest joy in my life. I didn't plan to have my first son at 23, but he has been the light of my life and shown me the type of love I've always wanted. You will experience that with your baby, and you will be able to figure out how to deal with your boyfriend should he become your ex-boyfriend. You would just have to share parenting time and you would learn to deal with him. It would become easy as you detached and moved on, but it's probably hard to think of that right now. Time heals all wounds. How do you think most divorced couples with children do it?

I would talk to your parents about what is going on so they can offer you moral support. And I would ask you boyfriend to see a couples counselor with you. If he won't do it, see your own therapist who can help you deal with everything that is going on.


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

All these responses are so kind, I can't thank you all enough for taking your time to reply to me. I think what I find most hard is that despite the problems we have in regards to our sex life, I do really love him and I do believe he loves me. He is very caring and thoughtful, he is always looking after me, making food for me, snuggling me in at night, kissing me on the forehead all the time while we watch tv, I just don't understand why this has happened to our sex life. He has always had a problem discussing thing, he does shift the blame about everything, not just this and I can't think of a time when I have been able to have a decent conversation with him about a serious issue.

He always attacks me and makes out that I am the one attacking him. If I try to bring up something that is bothering me he will fly off the handle and make accusations like "Well I can't do anything right" or "Well why are you even with me?" I sit there and try to calmly tell him that if I didn't love him and if I didn't want to be with him then I would have walked away a long time ago because the porn and lack of sex has been happening for so long and it has gotten to the point where I don't even want to leave him because I know he will be on there within minutes and then welcome me back and pretend that he has no sex drive. He honestly doesn't think there is a problem, he thinks I'm the problem and I'm being unreasonable and I just want to shake him and make him understand how much this hurts me, and how our relationship is being destroyed. We split up not too long ago and he would call me and tell me about how happy we could be if we were together and how much he missed me and loved me and how everything would change, but even then he was unable to talk about our problems and explain why he lied and hid things from me. I feel like I can't cope anymore and I know my life had changed forever, wether I keep this baby or not, and I'm running out of time to decide, I think I will regret getting rid of my baby when I am perfectly capable of raising it on my own, but I don't think I would be strong enough to leave him if we had a child together, I highly doubt I will be even if we don't but theres no way I could if we had a baby. There are so many good qualities that he has and he does make me feel loved and he is there for me as long as I ignore this massive elephant in the room, which I have been doing for months.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Sex can be a very difficult subject to talk about. But sometime you just have to talk about it. Most of the time the other person thinks there isn't an issue, when in fact there is..

*He always attacks me and makes out that I am the one attacking him. If I try to bring up something that is bothering me he will fly off the handle and make accusations like "Well I can't do anything right" or "Well why are you even with me?"*
My husband did this too. Saying things like there is something wrong with me.. And it is all in your head. He shifted it all on to me. So he would't be forced to take the blame for his actions and our marriage falling apart..

He needs to be hit in the head or something. I told my husband I was moving out. Not just over the porn there is a lot more to it then just that, but that was part of it. I meant it. I had called my mom and asked her if I could stay with her... I also told her everything, because she wanted to know what had happened, so i pretty much started from the beginning. My husband knew i meant i was leaving him. Things changed. Everything was different. 

Your boyfriend is the one who has to make that choice. You can't change him... You can only change yourself. 

*I feel like I can't cope anymore and I know my life had changed forever, wether I keep this baby or not, and I'm running out of time to decide, I think I will regret getting rid of my baby when I am perfectly capable of raising it on my own, but I don't think I would be strong enough to leave him if we had a child together, I highly doubt I will be even if we don't but theres no way I could if we had a baby.*

Your life has changed forever, you are going to have a baby. Having a child is the best joy that you will ever experiences. You are much stronger then you think you are. If you choose to leave him, you will do just fine raising your baby as a single mother. He will wake up one day and wonder why he is alone.

*He needs to respect you and your feelings.*

You don't know me, but if ya wanna talk send me a pm..


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

He sounds a bit passive aggressive. 

Firstly, some men have a hard time having sex with a pregnant woman. It might get better.
Secondly, I just wanted to comment that for some men, I (think) that self-satisfaction is similar to a quickie. Emotional connection is sex. He only has a desire to have an emotional connection once a week. In his mind, he would be using you if he asked you for just "sex", so he takes care of that himself. You are love sex.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I see the biggest problem being not the lack of sex, but the lack of honesty and communication. You simply cannot have a lasting relationship with someone who is incapable of dealing with you and your feelings honestly.

Your boyfriend needs therapy. He sounds like he has really low self esteem and maybe is afraid he's not good enough for you. He sounds like he gets super-defensive when you bring up issues. I am guessing he's also hard on himself in general. With this type of person, they can't deal with constructive feedback because it makes them feel bad about themselves (which is not your fault) and so instead of addressing the issue with their mate, they get angry at their mate for making them feel "bad", which in reality is really their own issue.

Why do you say you won't be able to walk away from him? You can and you will when you get sick of ignoring the issues. You can't ignore the elephant in the room because after a while, you will become so resentful, you will end up hating your boyfriend.

If you feel like you have some leverage, tell your boyfriend that you think he has some communication and trust issues he needs to work on. Those aren't going to go away and his pattern of being dishonest will just get worse unless he addresses what is going on. It's usually baggage from childhood.

Your baby will be the joy of your life and is something to look forward to, even if you are a single mom. If you can find a way to focus on doing what YOU can to be a good mom, take good care of yourself, etc. that is a good start. I can't stress enough about you getting some therapy yourself. It can really help you deal with everything and give you some guidance about how best to communicate with your boyfriend. 

Keep posting. This is not a sex issue, this is an issue with your boyfriends inability to cope with reality, with his own feelings, and with being in a relationship with a woman who is having his baby. The lack of sex is a symptom of a big problem.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Eventually (if you don't already feel these things) you will resent him, be angry at him, sad, and maybe even start to hate him. pretty much every emotion you can possibly feel, you will feel. I am telling you this because I know.

Until things change, it will seem like you are standing still while everything around you keeps moving.

You need to keep talking to him about this... Don't stop. Don't let him sweep it under the rug.

Ask him what he wants and expects from you. and you tell him what you want and expect from him.

Communication in any relationship is important. Sometimes people get lost and lose their way.

I agree with what Laurae1967 said in the above post.


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

I apologise in advance for how long this post is, it really is ridiculous and I'm sorry….

I already do resent him, he hides so much from me, things that I feel that are insignificant, like nights he has planned to go out to the pub with his friends. I have never stopped him going out and I never would. And yet he will hide that fact he is going out until a few hours before he is supposed to leave and then pretend that he either forgot that it was happening or that he has just been asked to go by one of his friends. I don't understand any need to be deceptive about such things. He makes me feel like I am insignificant, like my opinions and feelings don't matter and he is just superior, I often say to him "I'm a person too" when we are discussing things because I get so frustrated, he always finds it funny and laughs and asks me if I've felt like less of a person since I was a kid and this is an issue I've always had, when I tell him no… it's because of him, because he brushes my feeling and my opinions aside and tells me I'm wrong, that's why I feel that way, but he tells me I'm silly and "over sensitive"

And yes, he does shift the blame about everything, nothing that happens in his life is ever his fault. He does have very low self esteem and is very hard on himself. Our relationship has been a very difficult and complicated one, and yet I am still with him because I do love him dearly, and I kid myself that one day it will change, and that I will be able to "fix" him, but as ladybird points out I have actually come to a point now where I am starting to resent him. 

When I first met him he had come out of a 4 year relationship, it was his first serious relationship and had ended badly. He told me that they had drifted apart and that they simply weren't in love anymore, although I wasn't sure how true that was. Anyway, we would meet up and spend time together every now and again, do fun things like crazy golf and bowling, and I would speak to him about twice a week, but I point blank told him that I wasn't going to get involved with someone who didn't know what they wanted and that I would be no ones rebound. We met up and talked over a period of about 3 to 4 months and we never slept together, after a while I told him that I wanted more and he said he didn't feel ready for any sort of commitment and I agreed. I stopped seeing him then although he would still text me every now and again to see how I was. After a few months he returned home for Christmas break from University and I was working in a bar in town, he would come in and talk to me often and he added me on Skype and would talk to me every night. In January he told me that he really liked me and would like to be in a relationship with me. I was very hesitant at first as I had no way of knowing if he was over his girlfriend, but he kept telling me that he couldn't stop thinking about me and really missed spending time with me. 

It will be 3 years we have been together this January, and it has been a hard slog, our sex life was amazing in the beginning, however he has always hidden things from me and has had major trust issues since the beginning, always reading my phone, always accusing me of cheating on him, but these have gotten better over time - still no where near perfect tho. But he has always had the problem with lying and hiding things and has never ever been able to talk to me, it's always twisting things round so they are on me, always telling me I'm the problem and telling me he shouldn't have to talk to me. He tells me that just because I want to talk about things doesn't mean thats right and that talking is just the way I deal with things, and he shouldn't be forced to deal with things the way I do when everyone is different. But he doesn't deal with anything, he simply ignores things and never thinks about them so that he doesn't have to deal with them.

I found out after we got together that he was actually very depressed and had been for a long time since he split with his girl friend, he told me that his girlfriend had become pregnant and she wanted the baby, but he didn't, in the end after much talking and very much more fighting she did actually terminate her pregnancy. They tried to stay together after this, but she resented him as she felt forced into something she didn't want and they ended up breaking up, although I think he was very secretive with her and it was the lies and refusal to talk that broke them up as well because they were together for good year after the termination. He carried around a lot of guilt over the termination and got very upset when he spoke to me about out. I saw how isolated he was in University, he rarely left his room, would stay up all night playing xbox and being on his computer and sleep all day, never attend lectures or do any work. I would try and help him but I didn't know what to do, he would tell me how I was the only good thing in his life and how he felt blessed to have me, how happy I made him but how much he hated the rest of his life and that it would never get better. That year he failed university and was told he wasn't allowed to return. I convinced him to go to the doctors and explain his depression and get some help, they put him onto anti-depressants and advised him to see a counsellor. I also helped him appeal against his University's decision and we successfully made a case that his depression had caused him to fail and they agreed that he could go back and resit the year. He would take his anti-depressants on and off, and still does even now, he only takes them when he feels like it. He had problems with them where he found it very hard to ejaculate, I found that hard to deal with myself as I thought I was doing something wrong, but I read lots about it on the internet, and read lots of stories from other women who felt the same way even though it was caused by the medication. I tried to talk to him about it, and explain that I wasn't upset with him, or anything of the sort and that it was normal to feel that way, that I loved him and wanted him to be happy and that in the end thats all that mattered, but yet again he wouldn't talk, and treated my words like they were insignificant. I told him I was sorry for the way I reacted in the beginning and that we would just deal with it and it would be fine, but he didn't seem to care what I said.

He seemed slightly happier that summer once going back to university was sorted out, would go out with his friends a few times a week- to play football, go on nights out, to the cinema etc, spent a lot of time with me, and seemed to be looking forward to going back to University and would talk to me about how he was going to be really different, attend all his lectures and do all his work. I stayed in his house most nights and we would go to sleep at normal times and get up in the morning, no more sleeping all day and staying up all night. He went back to University that september and nothing changed. Within about a week he was back to sleeping all day and staying up all night, he would go days without showering or leaving is room, would order take away pizza, but when I would go and see him he'd shower and get ready to see me, he'd seem happy and responsive and we'd spend time together going out for dinner, going to the seaside and just watching movies cuddled up together in bed. He would ring me every night and tell me how much he missed me and how much he was looking forward to seeing me. I would try and talk to him and he would say he needed to sort out his sleeping pattern, and that would be it, he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I knew he had emails from lectures saying he needed to go in and see them because he hadn't submitted work and would fail that module and would not be able to pass the year because I would read his emails (yes, I know this isn't right but how else would I know anything when he never tells me anything, only lies?) but he would ignore them, I would ask if he had heard from the uni and he would tell me he hadn't, or if he got an email while I was with him, I would ask him if he'd replied and he would promise me that he had, but I would check and he hadn't emailed anyone. I didn't know what to do, I saw him getting worse everyday, and in the end I went to his Mum, around the middle of december, and told her everything. She was devastated and went up to his University house the next day. She said she arrived at 4pm and he was still in bed, she made him get up and shower, and then she helped him clean his room which was always a mess and they went out for dinner. He told her that he hadn't been feeling well and wasn't happy in uni and she told him that she'd support him in whatever he did and would always be there for him and that he just needed to sort his life out. I think his mum is very understanding and if anything too lenient, he text me later that night and told me that he wished she hadn't gone up there and he didn't want her meddling in his life. I was shocked and thought he would have appreciated it but obviously not.

I kept asking him what he wanted to do about uni and his response was always "I'm thinking about it", I knew this meant he wasn't thinking about it at all, but what could I do? There wasn't really much to think about, he had no real choice but to leave now and apply to resit the year again, though I doubted they would let him, as he had failed to attend exams or submit coursework. He started to blame everything on one of his housemates, I will admit he is a rather annoying person, he was very opinionated and had a very high opinion of himself and would come out to tell you how well he was doing on his course of what an amazing night out he had had the night before every time you walked past him room to enter the kitchen. My boyfriend claimed that he didn't like leaving his room because his housemate would come out and talk to him and it annoyed him and so he was stuck in his room. This made me really angry, his housemate lived downstairs, yes he did try and talk to you every time you walked past the kitchen, but you could shower, you could leave the house, you could continue with normal life without ever walking past his room, but apparently I was wrong, and it was this boy's fault that my boyfriend would never left his room. When I would try and talk to him, explain that in life you always come across people who you don't get on with, but you have to learn to deal with that and get along with them so that you can move forward in life, I was told I didn't understand, that this was different because he lived with him and that he was always there. When I would bring up examples of how I didn't like people I worked with but I was forced to spend 40 hours a week in the same room as them I was told that my examples weren't even relevant, that it was completely different and that I didn't understand how hard his housemate was making his life, apparently he was ruining his life and he had no way of getting away from him other than to resit the year AGAIN but live in a different house.

His Mum paid for him to attend private counselling and he went for about 3 or 4 months. I know this really helped him deal with the termination from his previous relationship and I did actually start to see a change in him, but he started to complain that he didn't see the point in it and he didn't feel it was helping, sometimes I would ask what they talked about but he was very vague and I didn't want to push him. He would tell me that the counsellor told him not to rush into any decisions, and that his way of being able to block things out is actually a really useful tool in life. But after the first 3 or 4 sessions he started to complain that he thought it was a waste of time and he didn't ever feel like going, he told me he didn't think he had anything to tell her. We would fight a lot, about his lies, about the fact he never dealt with anything, about the complete and utter lack of trust in our relationship, but when I asked him if he bought this up he would say "everyone fights, thats normal, I don't have anything to say to her about that". I can't push him, because he gets nasty and so I dropped it, like I drop every issue. When his sessions with her stopped he told me he was glad but didn't feel it had helped much, but that it had helped him deal with the termination and the breakup with his ex. He told me he wished he had met me later because he hadn't dealt with what had happened between them when he met me, but was so grateful that he had met me, he told me how much he loved me and wouldn't change me for the world and that despite all the bad things and the fights that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He also told me that his counsellor told him that she didn't think he was depressed, just very unhappy, but I honestly thought he was depressed so this really shocked me.

He decided around March that he was going to leave university because he wasn't happy there, though I think he only came to this decision because him mum kept asking him what he was doing and he had no other option, he lived in a different city, about 40 miles from our home town, this is where he attended uni and where he was living. But when I would ask him what his plans were, he'd tell me he was planning on staying in the city he attended university and getting a job there, keep living in the house he was in then until the end of his contract and then move into a house with one of the boys he was living with (not the housemate he disliked obviously). I told him he would need to find a job soon, and work out if he would be able to afford to do that, but yet again he pretended nothing was happening and continued to live his life of rarely leaving the house other than to go out drinking once a week with a few of his housemates, sleeping all day, staying up all night and ordering a takeaway pizza every night and living off that and bags of chips. He would sit in his room play xbox and go on the internet all night, that was his life. Other than weekends when he would come to stay with me and would seem perfectly normal, we would eat three meals a day, sleep normal hours, get up and do things during the day and then he would go back to his uni house on the sunday night and continue his routine, or lack of it. Months passed and he did nothing to change his life, his mum left him be and kept telling him she would support him. I would bring it up every now and again and it would end in a fight, he would tell me to stop pressuring him, often it would end with him in tears telling me he hated his life and wished he could change it all. I'd say it was around March that the issues with our sex life started, there was very little of it, and always initiated by me. He didn't have a job, and hadn't bothered to look for one in either his home town or where he was living but was starting to realise he couldn't afford to live away from home without his student loan and would need to save up a lot of money before he was able to do that - but he had told one of his housemates that they would live together the following academic year.

In June he went on a family holiday with his Mum, Grandmother and Sister for a week to Spain, when he came back he was like a different person, I have never in my life seen him so happy, or open, and he has never made me feel so loved. I had finished University for the summer and I spent a whole week with him in his mothers house in our hometown. He was like this for the week, happy and open and content, and our sex life was amazing, we would have sex twice a day and he would always initiate it and I have never been so happy, not just with the sex but with our relationship in general, we would sleep normal hours, eat three times a day again, go out during the day and just be a normal couple. I then got a summer job and started work so would spend quite a few nights in my own house, he slowly started to slip back into his old ways, staying up all night on his xbox and computer, sleeping until the afternoon, sometimes I would go to his after work and he would still be in bed at 6pm, with no attempt to look for jobs, and his mum never pushed him. Sex went back to once a fortnight if I was lucky, and always initiated by me. More often that not it would simply be me giving him a blow job in an attempt to be somewhat sexually close to him, and that would be it, no sex, nothing for me, but I accepted it because at least it meant he wasn't jacking off to porn (or not as much I hoped). If I bought up jobs he would get angry and tell me he was trying, even though I knew he wasn't, and that he couldn't find anything. When I suggested we look together and I would help him, he would tell me he didn't feel like it and didn't want to waste the time we had together doing that.

Whenever I would bring up telling his housemate that he wasn't going to live with him, he would get angry, tell me that he would deal with things in his own time. He even went to house viewing with his housemate - knowing full well that he wasn't going to live with him!!! I didn't understand what he was doing, he was leading this boy to believe they would get a house together and it was going to end up that this boy would have no where to live and no one to live with. I gave up in the end, it was his life and his friend and if he was willing to treat him like that then there was nothing I could do about it. He waited until the end of July, when he finally told his house mate he had failed his exams (total lies he hadn't even sat them) and had just found out he wasn't allowed to come back to university, this honestly baffled me, because had he dealt with the situation back when he realised he couldn't afford to live with him, then his friend would have found somewhere else to live and he would have not spent months having to lie and deceive. He then moved all his things back home, but his life didn't change, still staying up all night, sleeping all day, no job, not showering or eating all day, just xbox and computer. His friends would invite him out but he would rarely go, he always said he felt ill, either a headache of bad stomach, and would sit home all day, sometimes he would go to the pub with them in the night but he would never go out during the day.

It was not long after this that I discovered I was pregnant, he was amazing at first, comforted me because I was a mess - this was obviously something I hadn't planned, and came to the doctors to confirm with me, when they confirmed it, even though I already knew, I felt like my life had fallen apart. I was only home for the summer, I had a lovely house with my best friend in the city I attended University and was looking forward to going back to, I was about to go into my final year and complete my degree, my life was planned out. I broke down in tears in the doctors surgery, the nurse then simply said "Well… I guess you're planning on a termination then" I was devastated, I didn't know what I wanted, I couldn't even speak, I mumbled to my boyfriend that we needed to leave and he thanked the nurse and told her I needed time to deal with what was happening. He drove me home and lay with me, told me everything would be ok and that all I needed to do was make up my mind and that lots of people went through this. I sobbed to him that I didn't want a baby and he took that as I was having a termination, but that's not what I meant at all. I went through 3 weeks of trying to talk to him, he told me his opinion didn't matter and he would support me, but he wouldn't tell me what he wanted, finally after begging him to talk to me he said he didn't want the baby and would rather if I terminated but ultimately it was my decision. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made but I decided to keep my baby, I told him and he got very angry, he told me I was stupid and that I was going to ruin everyones lives. He said I couldn't possibly look after a child, I was too immature, I wasn't capable. I was so angry, I had supported myself since I was 18,I attended university and worked full time at a bar in order to live the life I wanted while he lay in bed and did nothing, how could he call me immature?I told him that I was keeping the baby and that if he wanted to be involved then I would love that, but that I wasn't going to force him to be a father if that's not what he wanted. I left and didn't speak to him for a few days, he then called me one night saying he missed me and really wanted to see me, so I agreed to meet him the next day. He told me he loved me and missed me and wanted to be with me, and I thought this meant he wanted to have the baby with me, but every time I mentioned it, he would change the subject or go into a funny mood. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said he didn't want the baby and he was trying to deal with everything. I told him that me and the baby were a package, you couldn't have one and not the other and I wasn't going to change my mind, he got very upset and told me that if I loved him I'd get rid of the baby, he was too young, he didn't want a baby. When I told him that he wouldn't have to be a part of the babies life and I would raise it on my own he called me ridiculous, he told me I was selfish if I did that because he would have to spend the rest of his life knowing he had a child out there. When I said that what he wanted was for me to spend the rest of my life knowing that I had killed my own child he said that they were completely different scenarios and that fact that I would try and compare them just proved I was too immature and irresponsible to be a mother. I left his house, once again in pieces wondering how he could be so different from the boy who begged me to be with him. It was like he had two different people. Later that night his Mum rang me and told me she had heard us arguing, she told me she knew I was pregnant and was sorry that her son had spoken to me in such a way. I also received many text messages from him, telling me that he would never speak to me again, that he would never want to see the baby and that he was never going to have anything to do with the baby or me no matter what. I was heart broken, but determined that he wouldn't bully me into a termination. He text me the next day saying that his mum had talked to him, he thought I had told her even tho she told him that she had over heard us, the same as she told me, and said that her knowing wouldn't change his mind and he would never want anything to do with me or "my baby". I didn't reply, I sat and cried, but I wasn't going to get into another fight with him that would result in me being made to feel a fool. Just under a week passed with no contact, and his mum called me saying she had had a massive argument with him, and told him that he had to face up to his responsibilities and that even if he didn't want to be a father she wasn't going to let him keep living in her house and not going out to work and that wether he liked it or not he was going to be a father. I came out of work that night and he was sat outside, he looked broken and all I wanted to do was hug him. He asked me if I'd talk to him and we went and sat in my car, as soon as we got in he broke down in tears, he told me how sorry he was for the things he had said and that he was just angry and confused and didn't know how to react. He told me he loved me so much and couldn't bear the thought of a life without me and that all he wanted was to be with me and bring up our baby together. I told him my fears, I explained that I couldn't cope with the way he is anymore and he promised me everything under the sun. We did get back together and I saw a small change in him, he seemed to actually want to change things, he applied for lots of jobs and finally got one working in a supermarket. He got up at 5am everyday to be there by 6, and hasn't missed a day, I spent most nights with him and we would be asleep by 10, but the nights I wasn't with him for some reason he would stay up till gone 1 am, and then have to go to work on as little as 3 hours sleep. Our sex life didn't improve and we would still fight a lot, our last fight was over his inability to stand up for himself, he gets walked all over because he never ever voices his opinion or stands up for himself and I just don't understand it. It started off as a small fight but escalated, I had everything built up inside me and because he refused to talk to me again and just told me I was over dramatic I told him I was done with putting up with him and his ways, he told me he didn't care and he would be better of without me (as he always does) and I walked out. After a few days he was messaging me and calling me, telling me how sorry he was and how much he missed me, how he would change. I explained to him that I exploded not because of that small issue, but because of everything,I told him about knowing he watched porn everyday, and masturbated over photos of his friends on Facebook, I was sick of his lying, I was sick of the way he treated me when he disagreed with me. I was just sick of everything and I told him I had all this resentment built up inside me towards him. He begged me, he promise me he would do anything to make It right that all he wanted was me and our child and that he wasn't coping being apart from me. He said he would happily sell his xbox and his laptop if he meant he could be with me. He promised me he would change and that we would be really happy. But nothing changed, everything stayed the same with the way he was, but I always take him back because I love him so so much. His outlook on the baby did change though, he would talk to me about names and tell me how excited he was, he would send me links to clothes he liked and come shopping with me and talk to me about the baby often, he came to my first scan and got all excited about seeing the baby, and talked about it for hours afterwards. But he refused to tell anyone, he still hasn't told any of his friends, or his dad (who is divorced from his mum and lives about 60 miles away). Whenever we go out I tell him that someone is going to notice my bump, and wouldn't it be easier to tell people rather than having them wonder or ask questions? But he brushes it off, tells me he wants to tell "all his friends" at the same time, even though they are all at different unis and are never together other than christmas time, and that he will tell his dad "when he's ready" if I try and push him he gets really angry about it.

I haven't spoken to him since my post on the 16th saying I had tried to talk to him. My reason for finally trying to talk to him was that I saw on his history that I had tried to give him a blowjob and he had brushed me off saying he wasn't in the mood, and I had left, within minutes of that he was watching porn and looking at girls on Facebook. I was devastated and had to confront him, but he laughed at me, told me I was wrong, that hadn't happened and that he was sick of me, he wouldn't talk to me anymore because I was ridiculous. I ended up in tears telling him I wasn't stupid, I know what I had seen with my own eyes and I knew what he had done, he told me I was in the wrong and who did I think I was to be going through his history when it has nothing to with me. I told him I loved him and that all I wanted to do was understand I wanted to know why our relationship was like this and I wanted to sort it out. He said it was normal and sometimes people wanted to masturbate and don't want to have blowjobs or have sex with their partners, I just didn't understand and he was sick of putting up with me and the way I am. I told him I was done, if all he wanted to do was sit and laugh at me and tell me I was wrong and he was right then I would leave and that was it, and he pretty much shut the door behind me. 

I don't know what to do, he really is two different people, one who is the most loving and caring person ever, who will get up early and make me breakfast in bed, who will pack my lunch for work. The guy who will get up in the middle of the night to get me tablets and a drink when I'm unwell and spend all night cuddling me. And the other who lies to me, makes me feel small when he is faced with a problem he doesn't like, the guy who tells me he couldn't care less if he never saw me again when we fight and refuses to talk to me because that's "not normal for him". I love him and I want to be with the nice guy, I resent the other half of him, but I don't think he will ever change.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I think it would be very helpful for your boyfriend to seek counselling. He needs to take the medication as prescribed. It is not something you should take when you feel like it. Depending on what he is on, some take about a week to get in your system. Others take a couple of days. so taking it unregularly is not going to help.

When people suffer from depression, most of them want to hide and don't want to talk about their feelings. I have suffered from depression my entire life. It is really hard to deal with things. It is really like having to different people in your head... They have good days (sometimes it seems like they are far and few inbetween.) And their bad days are BAD. 

I am sorry you are going through this. I know you are already full of emotions being pregnant. It is even harder when the person you love won't talk to you and laugh at you when try to talk to him about how you feel. I think your boyfriend needs mental help. I think it may do him and you some good.

Would he be willing to go to counseling? If he is not willing to go then i would say you need to make a choice if you can live this way.. or not. He does need to do it for himself.. Talking about it is always great therapy.

Does he ever have "blow" ups?


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

What do you mean "blow ups" ? 

I don't really know what to do, he has made no attempt to talk to me, or tell me he's sorry for the things he has done. I feel like I've lost control and we are just over now. Maybe that is for the best?


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## LovetheDaisy (Oct 12, 2011)

He is being manipulative and you are falling for it. He is not communicating with you about the issue, instead he is deflecting and making it YOUR issue. Stop letting him do that. Yes, men and women may masturbate on a regular basis and that is alright, unless it takes away from their partners. That is what is happening here and he is using your love for him to twist how you feel into being your fault. You may love him, but you may need to let him go, until he figures out how important you are and your feelings are. And if he doesn't, well happy co-parenting, because if you choose to stay with this louse, you will end up not alone, but very lonely.

Sorry, you are enduring this, especially at this time.


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## Unmarried (Oct 16, 2011)

He has called me today and said he has spent the past few days thinking things over, he says he loves me more than he could ever say and will do anything for us to work. He says he really wants to meet up with me so that we can talk things over because he says he wants to work on our relationship because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

My problem is, whenever we have tried to talk before, all he really wants is for me to say we will get back together, whenever I try and bring something up he gets angry and defensive and asks me why I have said I want to talk if all I want to do is list reasons why I don't want to be with him. How can I approach talking to him in a way that will avoid this? I need to air all the things that are bothering me, but I've never been able to do this before or discuss problems that we have had. We have never resolved any problems in our relationship because of the way he is, everything is just ignored and we pretend everything is ok.


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## LovetheDaisy (Oct 12, 2011)

You can co-parent. It happens a lot and it sounds like it is what is for the best for this child. Break ups are hard and co-parenting is tough, but better than staying in an unhealthy relationship and raising a child. What you have here is mistrust, ill communication, lying, manipulation, and constant worry. All of these do not add up to a healthy environment for anyone, especially a baby.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

So with the exception of two weeks, when he came back from Spain, the rest of your relationship has been crap, pretty much.

I have to just ask you WHY you feel like you don't deserve better than this? You have put all of YOUR needs aside and put all your thoughts and energy on him and his problems.

This guy is a mess. He's not able to finish anything. He can't even get out of bed. He certainly is not going to be capable of being a good boyfriend. He can't even handle getting up, getting dressed, working or going to school. 

He CAN'T give you what you want. It is so clear from reading your post.

What I would encourage you to do is start focusing on yourself. I would try to find a counselor and work on figuring out why you have been willing to stay with this guy for so long. Why you are okay with the crumbs he's been throwing you to keep you on the line? If you can figure out why you wanted someone who was clearly not able to give you anything, it will help you down the road. 

I just want to say that you are worth a lot more, but you have to believe that about yourself. Were your parents very critical and controlling of you growing up? It seems like some of the messages you may have gotten in childhood have led you to feel like your own life, your own thoughts, your own identity are not important. But you are the most important thing in the world to yourself. 

His two weeks of good behavior don't prove that he's capable of more. Quite the opposite.

Only your boyfriend can help himself and only YOU can help yourself.

Focus on YOU. You are worth it!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Unmarried said:


> What do you mean "blow ups" ?
> 
> I don't really know what to do, he has made no attempt to talk to me, or tell me he's sorry for the things he has done. I feel like I've lost control and we are just over now. Maybe that is for the best?


What i mean by blow ups is,loosing his temper for no reason.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> So with the exception of two weeks, when he came back from Spain, the rest of your relationship has been crap, pretty much.
> 
> I have to just ask you WHY you feel like you don't deserve better than this? You have put all of YOUR needs aside and put all your thoughts and energy on him and his problems.
> 
> ...


and what is he going to do when the baby gets here...


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