# FFS not again



## Peter/

I must be old and have higher expectations or something.

Or am I over reacting?

Past the divorce a good many months back now and I started dating a nice woman, little younger than me, 30 as opposed to 39 and it all seems to be going great, after a couple of months I thought we were exclusive until this morning.

She used my laptop mast night as her phone was on the blink and had left her faceache messenger open on it. This morning she had to work and I was just home chilling and thought I would watch some junk on youtube and there it was, her messenging some guy, and it seems like he if deffo interested.

What the heck do I do about this phenomenon?

Is it just rubbish or how does this crap work exactly?

I will most likely give her the boot but I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?

Anyone care to psychoanalyse it?


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## 269370

It means she has no boundaries.



Peter/ said:


> I must be old and have higher expectations or something.
> 
> Or am I over reacting?
> 
> Past the divorce a good many months back now and I started dating a nice woman, little younger than me, 30 as opposed to 39 and it all seems to be going great, after a couple of months I thought we were exclusive until this morning.
> 
> She used my laptop mast night as her phone was on the blink and had left her faceache messenger open on it. This morning she had to work and I was just home chilling and thought I would watch some junk on youtube and there it was, her messenging some guy, and it seems like he if deffo interested.
> 
> What the heck do I do about this phenomenon?
> 
> Is it just rubbish or how does this crap work exactly?
> 
> I will most likely give her the boot but I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?
> 
> Anyone care to psychoanalyse it?


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## Andy1001

Don’t bother trying to analyze her.She is sexting another guy and she wants you to know.
Did you sleep on the couch,because if you did she is feeling neglected and is reaching out to some guy to boost her self esteem.


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## smi11ie

She is not discussing him with you, however she feels comfortable talking to him about you. Not good. The guy sounds like a douche, and quite frankly, so does she.


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## Mr.Married

"I thought we were exclusive until this morning."

wait wait wait......"thought" ......... Have you BOTH SAID you are exclusive?

It isn't uncommon for the ladies to keep multiple doors open if you haven't established exclusiveness. 
Don't get mad if it is because you feel your getting "out gamed"

If you did previously establish exclusiveness then that is a different story.


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## Peter/

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t bother trying to analyze her.She is sexting another guy and she wants you to know.
> Did you sleep on the couch,because if you did she is feeling neglected and is reaching out to some guy to boost her self esteem.


She had work this morning and I was watching a film on TV, we had already been out all day in town together and I thought had enjoyed a lovely day, I just wanted to relax on the couch with the dogs watching TV.

Didn't realise I had to be pandering to her every finger wag?


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## minimalME

smi11ie said:


> She is not discussing him with you, however she feels comfortable talking to him about you. Not good. The guy sounds like a douche, and quite frankly, so does she.


It's shocking to me that male and female 'friends' talk to one another this way. :surprise:

I can't think of one person in my life who'd speak to me this way.


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## Peter/

smi11ie said:


> She is not discussing him with you, however she feels comfortable talking to him about you. Not good. The guy sounds like a douche, and quite frankly, so does she.


Seems he knows enough about me, think he'll be welcome to her, he ought to be mindful, if she'll do it to me, she'll do it to him too!!!


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## minimalME

Peter/ said:


> Seems he knows enough about me, think he'll be welcome to her, he ought to be mindful, if she'll do it to me, she'll do it to him too!!!


This situation is so blatant. Why would you even hesitate to cut her out of your life?


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## Peter/

Mr.Married said:


> "I thought we were exclusive until this morning."
> 
> wait wait wait......"thought" ......... Have you BOTH SAID you are exclusive?
> 
> It isn't uncommon for the ladies to keep multiple doors open if you haven't established exclusiveness.
> Don't get mad if it is because you feel your getting "out gamed"
> 
> If you did previously establish exclusiveness then that is a different story.


Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?

I've even met her folks FFS!!!


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## kekkek

minimalME said:


> It's shocking to me that male and female 'friends' talk to one another this way. :surprise:
> 
> I can't think of one person in my life who'd speak to me this way.


I agree with minimalME that it is pretty shocking. Thankfully I do not have anyone in my life talking like this!

To the OP, why do you need to psychoanalyze this? It is really simple, written at elementary school reading comprehension level, even if not about elementary school topics. Guy is offering **** to her, she is letting him know she needs **** and might call on him to supply it. Basic human biology.


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## smi11ie

Forward it to her parents and kick her out.


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## dadstartingover

Peter/ said:


> Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?
> 
> I've even met her folks FFS!!!


Welcome to the real world of modern dating. Always assume the woman is sleeping with multiple men and will continue to do so unless you agree to be monogamous. Even after you agree, you do the ol' "trust but verify".


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## Andy1001

Peter/ said:


> Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?
> 
> I've even met her folks FFS!!!


Welcome to modern day dating.Until you have the exclusivity talk then assume nothing.
You know what assume means?
Making an ASS.
Out of U.
And ME


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## ButWeAreStrange

She sounds like a young and keeping-options-open type of chick. You'd be surprised how often conversations (even between genuine friends) end up sounding that graphic, in a lot of circles in the Millennial age-group it's realllllly common. And meeting parents isn't what it used to be (I used to meet all of my boyfriends' parents and them mine just simply because it happened. Unless she specifically made a big deal out of it and "presented" you, I wouldn't count that as a point of evidence toward her being serious. 

I think it could be a generational thing to an extent, but considering she left it out in the open likely was either showing:

A. That she is feeling unsatisfied and didn't have the maturity to tell you directly

or

B. Doesn't see the arrangement as a serious one and is just keeping everything out in the open (ironically) out of respect for you. If she were actively trying to hide any of this then it would show guilt regarding investment in you as a partner. It doesn't really look that way. 

You might see the notion of solidifying boundaries and formerly identifying the relationship as akin to drawing up a contract, but honestly that's how a lot of people date these days. Without knowing for certain where they stand with someone, they don't see themselves as having an obligation to uphold any standards or boundaries that were not explicitly agreed upon beforehand. Her staying 3-nights a week, saying you're a great fit and that she likes you can honestly just mean that and nothing else (again, those are not considered automatic outlines for a solid/committed relationship anymore). You have to take things at face value, and if you want to know more then you have to be willing and able to ask and draw lines if they're agreed upon.


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## sokillme

Peter/ said:


> I must be old and have higher expectations or something.
> 
> Or am I over reacting?
> 
> Past the divorce a good many months back now and I started dating a nice woman, little younger than me, 30 as opposed to 39 and it all seems to be going great, after a couple of months I thought we were exclusive until this morning.
> 
> She used my laptop mast night as her phone was on the blink and had left her faceache messenger open on it. This morning she had to work and I was just home chilling and thought I would watch some junk on youtube and there it was, her messenging some guy, and it seems like he if deffo interested.
> 
> What the heck do I do about this phenomenon?
> 
> Is it just rubbish or how does this crap work exactly?
> 
> I will most likely give her the boot but I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?
> 
> Anyone care to psychoanalyse it?



This would pretty much immediately put her in the "have fun with" category with me.


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## syhoybenden

When she gets back from work have all her stuff bagged up for her sitting outside your locked front door. Leave a printout of that message string taped to the bag.



Do not answer the door if she knocks.


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## Marc878

No analysis needed. You've just wasted more time than she's worth.


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## smi11ie

Don’t waste your time with someone who just talks about you behind your back with dudes she is sexting. It is totally indiscrete and trashy. On your own laptop too.


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## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?
> 
> I've even met her folks FFS!!!


Yes, in modern dating you need to establish exclusivity if that's what you want. Sometimes the exclusivity talk needs to include other situations, like even if we aren't sleeping with others, does that mean we also won't talk sexually to others or whatever. 

I find it hilarious that a few men on your thread have said that women are the ones you have to nail down with exclusivity, yeah right like men in the dating world are just automatically exclusive with you without that conversation. I'm not saying this about you, but MOST men in dating are not exclusive until they actually say the words. 

Meeting someone's parents is not an indication of exclusivity. It may be for some people- - like some would never bring someone too meet their family unless they planned on keeping this person in their lives. Others, they bring people home who they may never see again. I had a third date with a guy at his parents house on thanksgiving with his entire family present. On our second date I met most of his long term friends at an event. Neither of these dates meant we were exclusive or that we even had a future. It actually meant that he was just comfortable bringing dates around his friends and family.

Regardless....those messages back and forth on your laptop were pretty classless and I wouldn't blame you for booting her. There is not really any reasonable excuse for the things they said in the messages.


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## Townes

A couple of months is nothing. A 30-year old that has severed ties to all other men after two months without having an exclusivity agreement would be the exception to the rule. You're certainly within your rights to stop seeing her though if it bothers you that much. It takes recently divorced guys a while to adjust to modern dating. You just have to realize that sex does not necessarily equal exclusivity or ownership. Assume women have many guys talking to them, and become very clear and unambiguous in your communication. Also, be confident enough in yourself to know that with the right girl you will rise to the top and all these other dudes will get shut down and eventually fade away.


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## GusPolinski

Save yourself a ton of grief and just dump her.


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## Peter/

Faithful Wife said:


> Regardless....those messages back and forth on your laptop were pretty classless and I wouldn't blame you for booting her. There is not really any reasonable excuse for the things they said in the messages.


Oh no, they were this mornings but the page wasn't actually open as such, there was a message notification in the middle of the screen that I opened, that was the point where the page opened up to the full conversation.

It was the fact that she was at work and it was her instigating it at 08:02 literally just as she walked out the door that has pissed me off the most, my couch is super comfy and being single for almost a year has meant that I have become quite used to just kicking back and relaxing with the dogs and not worrying about bed time as such as I can fall asleep straight after dinner and then go up at midnight when I wake up.

She was super nice when she came in at 2, I haven't said a word as she has just left to go home for a few nights, didn't even ask to use my laptop so she either doesn't know I've seen or it isn't important to her?

Either way, I think that as she has all her stuff I might pop round there on Tuesday when I go for Chinese and tell her it's over.

I suppose in this new era of dating exclusivity has become a formal contract and has to be enforced much like a business arrangement.

:|


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## Peter/

Townes said:


> A couple of months is nothing. A 30-year old that has severed ties to all other men after two months without having an exclusivity agreement would be the exception to the rule. You're certainly within your rights to stop seeing her though if it bothers you that much. It takes recently divorced guys a while to adjust to modern dating. You just have to realize that sex does not necessarily equal exclusivity or ownership. Assume women have many guys talking to them, and become very clear and unambiguous in your communication. Also, be confident enough in yourself to know that with the right girl you will rise to the top and all these other dudes will get shut down and eventually fade away.


Great post, thanks :grin2:


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## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Oh no, they were this mornings but the page wasn't actually open as such, there was a message notification in the middle of the screen that I opened, that was the point where the page opened up to the full conversation.
> 
> It was the fact that she was at work and it was her instigating it at 08:02 literally just as she walked out the door that has pissed me off the most, my couch is super comfy and being single for almost a year has meant that I have become quite used to just kicking back and relaxing with the dogs and not worrying about bed time as such as I can fall asleep straight after dinner and then go up at midnight when I wake up.
> 
> She was super nice when she came in at 2, I haven't said a word as she has just left to go home for a few nights, didn't even ask to use my laptop so she either doesn't know I've seen or it isn't important to her?
> 
> Either way, I think that as she has all her stuff I might pop round there on Tuesday when I go for Chinese and tell her it's over.
> 
> I suppose in this new era of dating exclusivity has become a formal contract and has to be enforced much like a business arrangement.
> 
> :|


It really doesn't have to be so formal....the trick is finding someone who really understands what exclusivity means and who also wants that for themselves. 

With my last boyfriend, I met him on *******, and it is typical for dating sites that both people are chatting with others at the same time. We clicked pretty well and exchanged phone numbers. He asked me when I was free to meet and I explained that I had a few dates lined up that week already before he and I started chatting so I wouldn't be free until the following week. 

He told me that he's a one woman man, even in dating, and to let him know when I was done meeting these other guys and knew none of them would get a second date, and after that he'd love to meet me. I said that was fair enough, I went out on the other dates and none of them were very interesting to me, so I let him know I was now free and not talking to anyone else and wanted to meet him. We met, had a great vibe, and I was willing to agree with him to turn off our profiles and see where this goes. We talked about what exclusivity meant to both of us and agreed on the parameters of it. Even though I did not have enough time with him to know whether or not this would turn into anything that lasted, my sincere desire is also to be exclusive so I was willing to take the chance with him. 

If I was not ready to be exclusive, whether with him or just in general, I would have expressed that and he would have stopped seeing me. That's how you have to do it if exclusivity is your goal.

Of course people can still lie and cheat....you kind of get to where you see this coming though and avoid those types. It's an intuition thing and a lot of people ignore their own intuition.

With this girl, can you see now any moments leading up to this where you ignored your intuition?


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## smi11ie

Keep having sex with her if you want to Peter (I would use protection). Just keep your eye out for someone who is a bit better. You can dump her when it suits you.


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## Washashore

So, she is staying over and you are sleeping with your dogs? Two months in? Now you aren’t talking to her to tell her your concerns over an inappropriate text? Who is this guy? Someone she banters with often? 

Dump her if you’d like, but you might want to try talking first. I just know that I’d be annoyed if I stayed over and she slept on the couch, especially if it had been a good day and I was hoping to get some. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## lucy999

Peter/ said:


> I suppose in this new era of dating exclusivity has become a formal contract and has to be enforced much like a business arrangement.
> 
> :|


No, you just need to communicate. I met my live-in BF 6 years ago online. We dated, and I also dated other people until we had the "exclusivity talk." Nothing serious or hard core, one day we just talked about it and agreed to be exclusive. That was 6 years ago. 

I'm sorry she did that to you. Dump her ASAP.


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## Peter/

Faithful Wife said:


> With this girl, can you see now any moments leading up to this where you ignored your intuition?


I guess I just assumed she had a social life and it was girlfriends messaging and what have you, I am very recently divorced and didn't want to let insecurity eat me up so I left well alone.

Perhaps that was a mistake?

I suppose the better thing to do would be to set out on paper what I actually expect and sort of formulate a speech as such and make it very plain and very clear from the outset.

We shall see, but she's toast, I've lost interest in trying to rebuild trust with someone who left my bed, walked out of my door and immediately started texting some bloke slagging me off,


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## Windwalker

Peter/ said:


> I must be old and have higher expectations or something.
> 
> Or am I over reacting?
> 
> Past the divorce a good many months back now and I started dating a nice woman, little younger than me, 30 as opposed to 39 and it all seems to be going great, after a couple of months I thought we were exclusive until this morning.
> 
> She used my laptop mast night as her phone was on the blink and had left her faceache messenger open on it. This morning she had to work and I was just home chilling and thought I would watch some junk on youtube and there it was, her messenging some guy, and it seems like he if deffo interested.
> 
> What the heck do I do about this phenomenon?
> 
> Is it just rubbish or how does this crap work exactly?
> 
> I will most likely give her the boot but I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?
> 
> Anyone care to psychoanalyse it?


I don't really care to psychoanalyst it. The message exchange was quite clear. That you thought the relationship was exclusive was a mistake on your part. Never assume anything. After 2 months and her living there 3 days a week, I can see how a large number of people would be under the assumption that there is exclusivity. Some people just do not think the same way. This same polar opposites occur in the casual sex vs committed relationship sex debate.

You have to do your due diligence. Ask the pertinent questions if your goal is exclusivity. You can trust, but you need to verify.

If it was me, I would make sure all of her crap is out of my house and if there was anything left I would drop it off to her.

"Here you go, you left this at my house. You will probably need that at **** boy's house when you visit him. Oh and by there way, messaging **** boy was a really trashy thing to do on MY computer. You keep it classy and have a nice life. I'm out."

Make no mistake, you dodged a huge bullet. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions are deafening.


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## BluesPower

First off, yeah I am not sure that she is long term material, and those messages were classless to say the least. 

But for you, I know that you are new again to this stuff. And I don't want to bash you, just enlighten you. 

Rule number 1) if she is staying at your house she expects sex and she expects you to know that. I don't know if you are a high, med, or low drive guy, but you are really old enough to know this. 

Rule number 2) Yeah, the exclusive thing and the talk that goes along with it is a THING. It is a formal agreement. 

Rule Number 3) Don't put all of your eggs in one basket until you have the talk any you both expect exclusivity. 

But really man, I thought everyone understood rule number one. Women have need as well and they expect the man that they are with to fulfill that need. 

I'm just saying...


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## Peter/

Washashore said:


> So, she is staying over and you are sleeping with your dogs? Two months in? Now you aren’t talking to her to tell her your concerns over an inappropriate text? Who is this guy? Someone she banters with often?
> 
> Dump her if you’d like, but you might want to try talking first. I just know that I’d be annoyed if I stayed over and she slept on the couch, especially if it had been a good day and I was hoping to get some.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


We had been out all day and she complained of being sore when I was ****ing her yesterday morning after the Friday night session that lasted about 3 hours.

She had work this morning, had complained earlier in the day of being tired and having to get up early so I thought I would leaver her to her early night and finish watching the film on the couch with the dogs, had I known her vage was super fast healing I would have gone straight to bed and smashed the granny out of her all over again, most girls tend to want a night and sometimes 2 off when it gets sore down there.

Besides, she can always initiate if she wants it that bad can she not???


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## Windwalker

Townes said:


> A couple of months is nothing. A 30-year old that has severed ties to all other men after two months without having an exclusivity agreement would be the exception to the rule. You're certainly within your rights to stop seeing her though if it bothers you that much. It takes recently divorced guys a while to adjust to modern dating. You just have to realize that sex does not necessarily equal exclusivity or ownership.
> 
> 
> Assume women have many guys talking to them, and become very clear and unambiguous in your communication. Also, be confident enough in yourself to know that with the right girl you will rise to the top and all these other dudes will get shut down and eventually fade away.


Good post. 

However, 2 months is actually a pretty sized good time sink. In my mind the word dating has a connotation of casual sex about it. Now how much that assumption of casual sex affects the trajectory of the relationship depends upon the person. 


The second part is pretty straight on. Do assume the women have many men talking to them. Also assume they are having sex. Eventually there rest will fade away, but in the mean time a person needs to protect themselves in every way. Eventually could be 2-6 months, hell it could be years. A person just has to know what is right for themselves.


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## SunCMars

Painful, this is.



TH-


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## SunCMars

sokillme said:


> This would pretty much immediately put her in the "have fun with" category with me.


You need a beating heart to have fun.

Having one that is 'puntured' won't do.


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## SunCMars

smi11ie said:


> Keep having sex with her if you want to Peter (I would use protection). Just keep your eye out for someone who is a bit better. You can dump her when it suits you.


No....

If you are 'that' willing to swallow your pride, just for sex, you should just shoot youself.

Move on to new adventures.


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## Taxman

Since she is obviously in other relationships, I suggest that you keep using her for sex, and at the appropriate moment she finds out that she is one among many. Tit for tat. I had an old girlfriend, who told me we were exclusive, but nah, she liked keeping a lot of guys on a string. So, as I had a key to her apartment, I took another ladyfriend (who is now my wife) to her apartment, and used the bed. Well, she arrives with, guess what? A guy from work, they're kissing and groping and backing up into the bedroom, when the door opens and she finds us in mid-stroke. The most appropriate breakup of all time. I wanted to be caught, she wanted a sexual smorgasbord, and it got out to a whole lot of exclusive guys. She is still unmarried. I ran into her at my daughter's daycare some years later. She had a toddler but Daddy dearest jumped on his unicorn and galloped into the sunset. Bet he discovered that he was one among many.


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## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> I guess I just assumed she had a social life and it was girlfriends messaging and what have you, I am very recently divorced and didn't want to let insecurity eat me up so I left well alone.
> 
> Perhaps that was a mistake?
> 
> I suppose the better thing to do would be to set out on paper what I actually expect and sort of formulate a speech as such and make it very plain and very clear from the outset.
> 
> We shall see, but she's toast, I've lost interest in trying to rebuild trust with someone who left my bed, walked out of my door and immediately started texting some bloke slagging me off,


As you go along in dating you will get used to this speech and it will not be anything unusual to most daters. You will hear it from the woman first in some cases. In my dating profile I state upfront that I'm looking for an exclusive relationship. Which does not mean I am only talking to one person at a time. Most dates understand this and know that even those of us who are seeking exclusivity are not going to make the decision to be exclusive with one person until they have dated a few times at least. The last boyfriend who I did agree to be exclusive with on the first date, I made a good choice there. Yet if it didn't seem like a good choice after a few more dates I would have stopped seeing him so I knew I was not bound to anything.

You meet, you discuss what each other's goals are, you feel each other out. Then have a few more dates with the understanding that you and the other may still be dating others too. Then if you feel this person is someone you want to be exclusive with, you have the talk. 

This is why it is really murky to have sex with someone before declaring exclusivity, if exclusivity is important to you. If you have a great date or two and end up in bed together, you either need to have the talk right then, or assume they may be sleeping with others. If we haven't had that talk yet and a guy is wanting to have sex with me, I immediately think he will have sex with any of his other dates and isn't interested in exclusivity. Though this hasn't happened to me for a long time because I now usually bring up the need for exclusivity before sex on the first date. 

Though I have guidelines for myself, they are just guidelines. This week I went on a first date with a guy who I really wanted to know more about. We agreed we wanted to see each other again soon. I already had a first date and a third date set up with 2 other guys later in the week. I cancelled both dates and said I had met someone I wanted to focus on and see where it goes. Both of my other dates thanked me for letting me know and wished me luck. This is adulting.

I had a second date with the guy I liked and that went well too so I took down my profile. Now with this guy in particular, I don't know or care if he is seeing others or took his profile down. Also, the nature of our conversations on our 2 dates has not allowed me to discuss exclusivity, but I didn't feel the need or desire to because what we were talking about was so rewarding and fun. 

If we see each other a few more times this conversation will come up. If he doesn't agree we will only see each other to see where it goes, I would consider seeing him as a friend still because I honestly wouldn't care if he keeps dating others. I would be interested in his life anyway and just enjoy hanging out with him. The exclusive part for me isn't about my heart as much as it is about my sex life. I'm not expecting them to fall in love with me before we have sex I just want to know I'm not sleeping with multiple people (you sleep with everyone they are sleeping with by extension). Also I don't have the best sex I'm capable of if I have more than one lover. Ultimately what would happen is that my body would prefer one more than the others and will shut down to the others. My body tells me which one I want anyway so there's no benefit to me to experience other lovers at the same time. I'd rather just have more sex with the one my body wants.

Some people have a hard time with the concept of exclusivity because they think it means a commitment of the heart. For me, it just establishes the right playground for my body to get the most out of sex...but it does also set the stage for us to fall in love if that is going to happen, because we aren't out thinning out our feelings for each other by dating others. 

On that note, if I am in an exclusive relationship and having sex for more than a month or two and wedon't start feeling some emotions headed towards love, then it is usually not going to be a satisfying relationship for me. 

These are things you learn about yourself and about the dating world as you gain experience. Mostly the key is in finding someone who has the same goals and go from there.


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## Windwalker

"Though this hasn't happened to me for a long time because I now usually bring up the need for exclusivity before sex on the first date." 

Wiser words were never spoken.


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## sokillme

Townes said:


> A couple of months is nothing. A 30-year old that has severed ties to all other men after two months without having an exclusivity agreement would be the exception to the rule. You're certainly within your rights to stop seeing her though if it bothers you that much. It takes recently divorced guys a while to adjust to modern dating. You just have to realize that sex does not necessarily equal exclusivity or ownership. Assume women have many guys talking to them, and become very clear and unambiguous in your communication. Also, be confident enough in yourself to know that with the right girl you will rise to the top and all these other dudes will get shut down and eventually fade away.


You conveniently missed the part where she is talking about their sex life with another guy who is talking about buying her a sex toy and he has no idea about, or is that something modern divorced guys should adjust to too? You set the bar so low and you get what you are willing to accept.


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## SunCMars

Here I am on a sunny Sunday, enjoying the weather.

Having raked my gardens I am laying down mulch.

..........................................................................................

Peter, I need a favor. I almost never ask for one.

I cannot let this 'asking', go unsaid.

Most of the responders here are spot on. 
Leave her, worry not, get another.
She is 'classless', and unsophisticated.
Ok, all good.
...................................................................

My favor:

If you get the chance....when you tell her it is over, make sure you tell her why. 

She needs to know. 

When you tell her, do not get all puppy eyed. Just say your peace calmly, straightforward.

Tell her that after she left on that Sunday morning you went to use the laptop and her message "popped up".

You read it. You read about her other man.

You read how minutes before she left that morning she complained about you.
How she complained about not being sexually satisfied.

That he offered to make her feel better, he offered her his penis. And how she responded willingly. With no reservation.

Tell her that reading that hurt.

That she should have let you know that she was in anyway unhappy. 

There is a chance she will only be embarrased, not ashamed in the least.

I would be very surprised if that were the case. She is flesh and blood, not a stone.

If nothing else, it will make her be more careful in the future. A learning experience.

Oh, one last thing to say. A very important thing to say.

Just tell her that her other boyfriend has no class, none whatsoever.
Let those words sink in. 

How could she not agree. 
Hopefully, she will cut him off.

Not cut him off at the knees, no, about a fourteen inches higher.


----------



## sokillme

Faithful Wife said:


> It really doesn't have to be so formal....the trick is finding someone who really understands what exclusivity means and who also wants that for themselves.
> 
> With my last boyfriend, I met him on *******, and it is typical for dating sites that both people are chatting with others at the same time. We clicked pretty well and exchanged phone numbers. He asked me when I was free to meet and I explained that I had a few dates lined up that week already before he and I started chatting so I wouldn't be free until the following week.
> 
> He told me that he's a one woman man, even in dating, and to let him know when I was done meeting these other guys and knew none of them would get a second date, and after that he'd love to meet me. I said that was fair enough, I went out on the other dates and none of them were very interesting to me, so I let him know I was now free and not talking to anyone else and wanted to meet him. We met, had a great vibe, and I was willing to agree with him to turn off our profiles and see where this goes. We talked about what exclusivity meant to both of us and agreed on the parameters of it. Even though I did not have enough time with him to know whether or not this would turn into anything that lasted, my sincere desire is also to be exclusive so I was willing to take the chance with him.
> 
> If I was not ready to be exclusive, whether with him or just in general, I would have expressed that and he would have stopped seeing me. That's how you have to do it if exclusivity is your goal.
> 
> Of course people can still lie and cheat....you kind of get to where you see this coming though and avoid those types. It's an intuition thing and a lot of people ignore their own intuition.
> 
> With this girl, can you see now any moments leading up to this where you ignored your intuition?


See this is fine or don't be exclusive is fine. But talking to some other guy about whether you had sex with me is just a huge red flag. Who is he to her anyway a FWB? It's pretty obvious what he wants. Like where is the respect in that? Bad form and red flags galore. Move on.


----------



## Faithful Wife

sokillme said:


> See this is fine or don't be exclusive is fine. But talking to some other guy about whether you had sex with me is just a huge red flag. Who is he to her anyway a FWB? It's pretty obvious what he wants. Like where is the respect in that? Bad form and red flags galore. Move on.


I was talking about his dating life as he moves forward, which I assume he will do. This woman is not going to be relevant to his future dating life presumably.


----------



## Townes

sokillme said:


> You conveniently missed the part where she is talking about their sex life with another guy who is talking about buying her a sex toy and he has no idea about, or is that something modern divorced guys should adjust to too? You set the bar so low and you get what you are willing to accept.


Didn't miss a thing. Nobody is saying he should keep seeing her. He was pretty clear that he's not going to. We're talking about going forward to avoid a similar situation.


----------



## Truthseeker1

Townes said:


> A couple of months is nothing. A 30-year old that has severed ties to all other men after two months without having an exclusivity agreement would be the exception to the rule. You're certainly within your rights to stop seeing her though if it bothers you that much. It takes recently divorced guys a while to adjust to modern dating. You just have to realize that sex does not necessarily equal exclusivity or ownership. Assume women have many guys talking to them, and become very clear and unambiguous in your communication. Also, be confident enough in yourself to know that with the right girl you will rise to the top and all these other dudes will get shut down and eventually fade away.


Agreed. My question for you is what do you want? What is stopping you from checking out other women since this is not exclusive? If you are looking for a serious Gf she does not seem like the type at this point but she could be a fun companion while it lasts. Its up to you. If you are newly divorced I'd caution against anything serious and just enjoy improving yourself and finding out who the new you is.


----------



## Truthseeker1

sokillme said:


> You conveniently missed the part where she is talking about their sex life with another guy who is talking about buying her a sex toy and he has no idea about, or is that something modern divorced guys should adjust to too? You set the bar so low and you get what you are willing to accept.


That shows him what this is and its not love or anything serious but that does not mean he can't get some enjoyment out of it if that is what he wants.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Peter/ said:


> Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?
> 
> I've even met her folks FFS!!!


yup, this is the way it is. At at time when I was spending from Friday evening to Monday morning at my (future) husband's place; he told me he wanted me to meet his parents when they come to visit four months into the future from that point...... I later learned that he was communicating to his so called about a trip he was taking with a "friend", he didn't tell me until I asked that it was a male classmate from university. Still he was giving his female "friend" more info about the trip than he was giving me ..... I wonder why.

About 2 months later, I decided we needed to have "the talk" before anything bad was going to happen ie, being left high and dry on the weekend without warning, for example.

I used to be too shy to bring these issues up first. But now I know not only is it a good idea, but if a guy wants more and more of my (valuable) time, we're going to have to put a name on this.

Anybody who holds back, wants to go with the flow and so on..... that's a good time to start seeing them less and finding new people to date.


----------



## NextTimeAround

BluesPower said:


> First off, yeah I am not sure that she is long term material, and those messages were classless to say the least.
> 
> But for you, I know that you are new again to this stuff. And I don't want to bash you, just enlighten you.
> 
> *Rule number 1) if she is staying at your house she expects sex and she expects you to know that. I don't know if you are a high, med, or low drive guy, but you are really old enough to know this. *
> 
> Rule number 2) Yeah, the exclusive thing and the talk that goes along with it is a THING. It is a formal agreement.
> 
> Rule Number 3) Don't put all of your eggs in one basket until you have the talk any you both expect exclusivity.
> 
> But really man, I thought everyone understood rule number one. Women have need as well and they expect the man that they are with to fulfill that need.
> 
> I'm just saying...


There are some who will spend the night not wanting sex but that means that they've friendzoned you. Even women who are determined to avoid sex before marriage know not to spend the night at a guy's place because it sends the wrong message.


----------



## Peter/

NextTimeAround said:


> yup, this is the way it is. At at time when I was spending from Friday evening to Monday morning at my (future) husband's place; he told me he wanted me to meet his parents when they come to visit four months into the future from that point...... I later learned that he was communicating to his so called about a trip he was taking with a "friend", he didn't tell me until I asked that it was a male classmate from university. Still he was giving his female "friend" more info about the trip than he was giving me ..... I wonder why.
> 
> About 2 months later, I decided we needed to have "the talk" before anything bad was going to happen ie, being left high and dry on the weekend without warning, for example.
> 
> I used to be too shy to bring these issues up first. But now I know not only is it a good idea, but if a guy wants more and more of my (valuable) time, we're going to have to put a name on this.
> 
> Anybody who holds back, wants to go with the flow and so on..... that's a good time to start seeing them less and finding new people to date.


I am in no rush but I certainly thought that there was more to our "relationship" than FWB or FBs or whatever you millennials call yourselves these days.

Not impressed as I guess it brought back those all too familiar feelings from a year ago.

Looking forward to more free time though and more time relaxing on the couch with the dogs.

I will tell her why I am ending it and I will make it clear that I had expectations and that communication is a two way street, something I feel a lot of posters here are neglecting, she could have also said more, she could have been more decisive and not been such a *****, if she has low self esteem, she would build it being treated as though she is a virtual sex toy through her phone.

Good luck to her, she'll need it more than me and I have learned a valuable lesson, time is precious and not to waste it on people that don't see life the same way as you do.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

Peter/ said:


> I am in no rush but I certainly thought that there was more to our "relationship" than FWB or FBs or whatever you millennials call yourselves these days.
> 
> Not impressed as I guess it brought back those all too familiar feelings from a year ago.
> 
> Looking forward to more free time though and more time relaxing on the couch with the dogs.
> 
> I will tell her why I am ending it and I will make it clear that I had expectations and that communication is a two way street, something I feel a lot of posters here are neglecting, she could have also said more, she could have been more decisive and not been such a *****, if she has low self esteem, she would build it being treated as though she is a virtual sex toy through her phone.
> 
> Good luck to her, she'll need it more than me and I have learned a valuable lesson, time is precious and not to waste it on people that don't see life the same way as you do.



It honestly sounds like all of this has touched a nerve that you should probably work out before diving back into the dating world. For all you know the guy on the other end of the conversation was gay and teasing her as a girlfriend might. What she did was nothing a "*****" would do, just simply a modern woman who did not have the realization to communicate in a different language with someone from a different generation (which you were doing from the other perspective of things). If you really have that much ire toward the younger generations and how they operate in the dating world then you should probably keep to your own age group where you'll find more like-minded individuals as well as a wider range of common ground to communicate on. It's fine that this didn't work out, but the venom is a little sharp for what seems to have simply been a misunderstanding between two consenting adults. 

And by the way, "Friends with Benefits" as a term and practice comes from Generation X, not the Millennials (most Millennials were in Elementary School/Middle School when it first became popularly used in the dating scene). So again, if you're looking for a common language and understanding of your values in dating, it'll probably be best to stick with those who are familiar with the perspective you're coming from.


----------



## alte Dame

You sound resolved to do what I consider the smart thing, which is dump her. What she did is very low-class, in my opinion. Who needs a SO who can't be trusted to not run you down the minute she leaves your field of vision? She's both trashy and untrustworthy.


----------



## just got it 55

Peter I just caught up on your back story

You have your schit together 

I am not worried about you

IMO no matter how financially secure you are and how well planned out your future is......

*Children would no doubt make a difference 
*
Be grateful that was not your concern

55


----------



## sokillme

Truthseeker1 said:


> That shows him what this is and its not love or anything serious but that does not mean he can't get some enjoyment out of it if that is what he wants.


Yep that's why I said, she is just someone to have fun with. If that is your thing.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Good luck to her, she'll need it more than me and I have learned a valuable lesson, time is precious and not to waste it on people that don't see life the same way as you do.


I hope what you learned is that you can't make assumptions in dating. Yes don't waste your time on people who don't see life the same way you do...but to determine if they do or not requires direct and ongoing communication. Also please don't let it make you feel all women are this way. This one is, and that's all you know (meaning she is low class enough to be messaging like that with some douche). You don't know that the next girl will be like that. Don't make assumptions one way or the other, just let people reveal themselves to you before proceeding as if you know them. 

I've found even when you do your due diligence, it takes a good 6 months of dating before you start seeing the full picture.


----------



## 269370

Peter/ said:


> I suppose in this new era of dating exclusivity has become a formal contract and has to be enforced much like a business arrangement.
> 
> :|


The whole exclusivity thing/online dating culture sounds mind boggling to me; if I was pursuing someone, even if we weren't dating yet, I would never pursue anyone else at the same time. That would just not work with me biologically or mentally. I am not shopping in a supermarket comparing 'products' and making 'offers' to see who will bite. This sounds like something one would do on ebay. I find a potential target and put all my resources into it until it's done or until it fails. I have always had a specific type in mind and once I spotted that type (in real life), I have focused everything on it. It was clear as day that certain opportunities don't come along that frequently. And maybe never.
I am grateful I have only ever had to do this once.
I could never navigate the online dating culture and would probably end up ordering a fleshlight instead. That doesn't mean it doesn't work for others; I am sure it does.

I think her messaging this has less to do with whether you are exclusive or not but more to do with respect (towards you), self respect and common sense with regards to what a relationship is supposed to be like. It doesn't strike me that she has any clue what any of those words mean.


----------



## Truthseeker1

Faithful Wife said:


> I hope what you learned is that you can't make assumptions in dating. Yes don't waste your time on people who don't see life the same way you do...but to determine if they do or not requires direct and ongoing communication. Also please don't let it make you feel all women are this way. This one is, and that's all you know (meaning she is low class enough to be messaging like that with some douche). You don't know that the next girl will be like that. Don't make assumptions one way or the other, just let people reveal themselves to you before proceeding as if you know them.
> 
> I've found even when you do your due diligence, it takes a good 6 months of dating before you start seeing the full picture.


I also think there is a lot of ambiguity when dating these days. People don't court as much as hook up. Not all women or men do this but enough do it to make things a bit confusing for some. Its possible to have a good time and not be exclusive if your head is in the right place but if you are looking for a bf or gf then its best to move on. Her head seems to be in party and play the field mode.


----------



## colingrant

Peter/ said:


> I must be old and have higher expectations or something.
> 
> Or am I over reacting?
> 
> Past the divorce a good many months back now and I started dating a nice woman, little younger than me, 30 as opposed to 39 and it all seems to be going great, after a couple of months I thought we were exclusive until this morning.
> 
> She used my laptop mast night as her phone was on the blink and had left her faceache messenger open on it. This morning she had to work and I was just home chilling and thought I would watch some junk on youtube and there it was, her messenging some guy, and it seems like he if deffo interested.
> 
> What the heck do I do about this phenomenon?
> 
> Is it just rubbish or how does this crap work exactly?
> 
> I will most likely give her the boot but I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?
> 
> Anyone care to psychoanalyse it?


She has a part-time FWB (or wannabe) who may have gotten lucky once or twice with her, but not necessarily recently. He's not quite what she wants, hence she talks to him like a girlfriend and he makes her laugh and feel good. He knows this keeps him in the mix, but he'a a Wiesel though, and his game is being a snake to maintain his FWB (or wannabe) arrangement. Future benefits (from her) is tied to her affinity or exclusivity with you. Right now, he's fishing and solidifying his status as on call dxxk. If I'm right, she's dating material, but not the special one, if you're looking for the special one, this isn't her. You can be special to her, but I'm not sure she can special to you. Speculating here, but that's my read.


----------



## Truthseeker1

colingrant said:


> If I'm right, she's dating material, but not the special one, if you're looking for the special one, this isn't her. You can be special to her, but I'm not sure she can special to you. Speculating here, but that's my read.


Agreed. I think if the OP can handle it she could be a fun companion and a transition from his XW to something else. If not he should dump her. She could be a good FWB but nothing more.


----------



## jlg07

Mr.Married said:


> "I thought we were exclusive until this morning."
> 
> wait wait wait......"thought" ......... Have you BOTH SAID you are exclusive?
> 
> It isn't uncommon for the ladies to keep multiple doors open if you haven't established exclusiveness.
> Don't get mad if it is because you feel your getting "out gamed"
> 
> If you did previously establish exclusiveness then that is a different story.


Doesn't matter if they both said it -- the amount of BS and disrespect in the texts are clear -- dump her and move on.

Also, this whole thread makes me glad that I am not in the dating pool. This whole hook-up culture is crap. It just devalues sex making it a commodity instead of anything special. Hey let's get ice cream, hey let's play tennis, hey let's ****, .... No difference, not important, no value to sexual relations. Ugh. And people wonder why relationships are so ****ed up these days...


----------



## colingrant

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agreed. I think *if the OP can handle it she could be a fun companion *and a transition from his XW to something else. If not he should dump her. She could be a good FWB but nothing more.


Agree, in bold is key though. *IF HE CAN HANDLE IT. *Some guys (and girls) mistakenly fall for people they should just have fun with and ignore the fact that they possess character flaws that prevent solid long term relationship possibilities. Infidelity and unfaithfulness can happen to anyone, however many adulterers reveal qualities early that indicate they may or should not be pursued for someone seeking a long term commitment. Good sex, physical attraction and wealth can obliterate borders and integrity based decision making. Those that have it, know they can play you and do so as long as one is willing to be taken. If you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch.


----------



## SunCMars

colingrant said:


> Agree, in bold is key though. *IF HE CAN HANDLE IT. *Some guys (and girls) mistakenly fall for people they should just have fun with and ignore the fact that they possess character flaws that prevent solid long term relationship possibilities. Infidelity and unfaithfulness can happen to anyone, however many adulterers reveal qualities early that indicate they may or should not be pursued for someone seeking a long term commitment. Good sex, physical attraction and wealth can obliterate borders and integrity based decision making. Those that have it, know they can play you and do so as long as one is willing to be taken. * If you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch.*


If you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch? Really, this?
Lovely.

Yep, that says it all.
She is a pooch in heat.

Oh, and she is willing to be mounted by multiple other dogs, concurrently.
And, without any of the 'other' humping sniff-whiffers being aware, being told.
In this case, she made an exception, she told the messaging OM all the juicy bits about 'bone hiding' OP.
Actually, she lied about the facts. 

Why did she lie?

I can come up with a litany of answers:
a) I suspect she was not physically satisfied with the sex. OP tried his best, wrestling with her for three hours in bed that prior Friday night. 
He made her sore. Boy, did he. Likely, she did not get off.

b) I suspect she friend-zoned him. The chemistry experiment whizz-fizzled. She lost the feeling 'for OP'.

c) I suspect she was looking for sympathy from the messaging mutt. Looking, anticipating his 'in her face' bone.

And you know something?
It is OK to try out a new man. 
Hope it will work out.
She tried, it did not happen for her, this time with this, our OP.

Sleeping with men is OK, it is a wonderful experience.
But, it needs to be done with respect, even grace. 


We are not talking about a one-night stand here. 
In those cases, just have fun. 
Not my cup of tea, but many like this sort of thing.
Wear protection.

In the end, she is just another pooch. An entitled one, it seems.
*Polite to his face, knifing him in the back, FOR NO REASON.
*No polite reason.

Bow Wow....





The Host-


----------



## BluesPower

NextTimeAround said:


> There are some who will spend the night not wanting sex but that means that they've friendzoned you. Even women who are determined to avoid sex before marriage know not to spend the night at a guy's place because it sends the wrong message.


While I am in a relationship now, I really don't even know what friendzone actually is. 

I never dated a woman that I did not have sex with. I have women that I am friends with, that I am not interested in, except as friends.


----------



## Windwalker

SunCMars said:


> If you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch? Really, this?
> Lovely.
> 
> Yep, that says it all.
> She is a pooch in heat.
> 
> Oh, and she is willing to be mounted by multiple other dogs, concurrently.
> And, without any of the 'other' humping sniff-whiffers being aware, being told.
> In this case, she made an exception, she told the messaging OM all the juicy bits about 'bone hiding' OP.
> Actually, she lied about the facts.
> 
> Why did she lie?
> 
> I can come up with a litany of answers:
> a) I suspect she was not physically satisfied with the sex. OP tried his best, wrestling with her for three hours in bed that prior Friday night.
> He made her sore. Boy, did he. Likely, she did not get off.
> 
> b) I suspect she friend-zoned him. The chemistry experiment whizz-fizzled. She lost the feeling 'for OP'.
> 
> c) I suspect she was looking for sympathy from the messaging mutt. Looking, anticipating his 'in her face' bone.
> 
> And you know something?
> It is OK to try out a new man.
> Hope it will work out.
> She tried, it did not happen for her, this time with this, our OP.
> 
> Sleeping with men is OK, it is a wonderful experience.
> But, it needs to be done with respect, even grace.
> 
> 
> We are not talking about a one-night stand here.
> In those cases, just have fun.
> Not my cup of tea, but many like this sort of thing.
> Wear protection.
> 
> In the end, she is just another pooch. An entitled one, it seems.
> *Polite to his face, knifing him in the back, FOR NO REASON.
> *No polite reason.
> 
> Bow Wow....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Host-


Yep, sounds like he needs to get her number. Then he can play with the big dog. Lol.


----------



## bandit.45

Taxman said:


> Since she is obviously in other relationships, I suggest that you keep using her for sex, and at the appropriate moment she finds out that she is one among many. Tit for tat. I had an old girlfriend, who told me we were exclusive, but nah, she liked keeping a lot of guys on a string. So, as I had a key to her apartment, I took another ladyfriend (who is now my wife) to her apartment, and used the bed. Well, she arrives with, guess what? A guy from work, they're kissing and groping and backing up into the bedroom, when the door opens and she finds us in mid-stroke. The most appropriate breakup of all time. I wanted to be caught, she wanted a sexual smorgasbord, and it got out to a whole lot of exclusive guys. She is still unmarried. I ran into her at my daughter's daycare some years later. She had a toddler but Daddy dearest jumped on his unicorn and galloped into the sunset. Bet he discovered that he was one among many.


Why didn't you guys have a foursome? Wasted opportunity there.


----------



## bandit.45

Peter/ said:


> I am in no rush but I certainly thought that there was more to our "relationship" than FWB or FBs or whatever you millennials call yourselves these days.
> 
> Not impressed as I guess it brought back those all too familiar feelings from a year ago.
> 
> Looking forward to more free time though and more time relaxing on the couch with the dogs.
> 
> I will tell her why I am ending it and I will make it clear that I had expectations and that communication is a two way street, something I feel a lot of posters here are neglecting, she could have also said more, she could have been more decisive and not been such a *****, if she has low self esteem, she would build it being treated as though she is a virtual sex toy through her phone.
> 
> Good luck to her, she'll need it more than me and I have learned a valuable lesson, time is precious and not to waste it on people that don't see life the same way as you do.


I take it your British. That explains it. English girls are like cigarette lighters: made to be passed around and used by many. Find yourself a nice Pakistani girl or maybe some lady from the jungles of Borneo with a bone in her nose. They might not be quite as promiscuous. Otherwise you're fooked trying to find a monogamous woman where you live.


----------



## Taxman

bandit.45 said:


> Why didn't you guys have a foursome? Wasted opportunity there.


You should have seen the guy she was with. Filth embodied, plus, I had ****ed both women in the room, and another go with the ex? No way. I eat with these hands.


----------



## Bananapeel

Pete, communication is a two way street. You expected her to be exclusive without you communicating you expected it, and she expected to be dating multiple people without communicating it. So in the future, try to be upfront with your communication if exclusivity is important to you so you are both on the same page. 

I recently went out with a woman that told me up front she expected exclusivity, and I told her up front I wouldn't promise that to her. It was a very open conversation and we both knew where each other stood and then could decide how we wanted to proceed.


----------



## BobSimmons

Peter/ said:


> I'm curious as to what this string of messages means?


You're kidding right?


----------



## Handy

FFS?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FFS


----------



## BobSimmons

Peter/ said:


> walked out of my door and immediately started texting some bloke slagging me off,


Seems like you don't need the "interpretation" after all.

That's the kicker for me. Ok **** the exclusivity noise, let's first off look at foundations that being the base of friendship.

You invited her into her house, you trusted her, you sleeping downstairs is neither here nor there but it's made to look like you're either lazy but most definitely some uncaring sloth who's not willing to service his virile woman who's waiting upstairs expectedly. This guy is literally denigrating you and she's using that to flirt with him and give him the come on.

I mean there's no question what the guy is after but even if you were not exclusive, she's still bad mouthing you to the other guy. That alone should get her the hook.

Just ghost her, dump her stuff don't even bother with an explanation.


----------



## BobSimmons

sokillme said:


> You conveniently missed the part where she is talking about their sex life with another guy who is talking about buying her a sex toy and he has no idea about, or is that something modern divorced guys should adjust to too? You set the bar so low and you get what you are willing to accept.


Read so much bull**** in this thread. It's truly amazing. I won't even keep having sex with her as some suggested. Truly lowering the bar until it hits the ground.


----------



## Young at Heart

*Call me old fashioned, but there is a much bigger perspective not being discussed here.*




dadstartingover said:


> Welcome to the real world of modern dating. *Always assume the woman is sleeping with multiple men and will continue to do so unless you agree to be monogamous.* Even after you agree, you do the ol' "trust but verify".





Faithful Wife said:


> *Yes, in modern dating you need to establish exclusivity if that's what you want. *Sometimes the exclusivity talk needs to include other situations, like even if we aren't sleeping with others, does that mean we also won't talk sexually to others or whatever.
> 
> I find it hilarious that a few men on your thread have said that women are the ones you have to nail down with exclusivity, yeah right like men in the dating world are just automatically exclusive with you without that conversation. I'm not saying this about you, but MOST men in dating are not exclusive until they actually say the words.
> 
> Meeting someone's parents is not an indication of exclusivity. It may be for some people- - like some would never bring someone too meet their family unless they planned on keeping this person in their lives. Others, they bring people home who they may never see again. I had a third date with a guy at his parents house on thanksgiving with his entire family present. On our second date I met most of his long term friends at an event. Neither of these dates meant we were exclusive or that we even had a future. It actually meant that he was just comfortable bringing dates around his friends and family.
> 
> Regardless....those messages back and forth on your laptop were pretty classless and I wouldn't blame you for booting her. There is not really any reasonable excuse for the things they said in the messages.





smi11ie said:


> Keep having sex with her if you want to Peter *(I would use protection)*. Just keep your eye out for someone who is a bit better. You can dump her when it suits you.


*In this age of incurable STD's, having sex (yes even protected sex) with someone should be a seriously thought out and well discussed act, not a spur of the moment hormonal driven act. Yes condoms and other safe sex practices REDUCE the risk, but they don't eliminate it.*

Do folks really have sex with strangers without discussing their partners sex history or whether they engage in any risky sex practices? I would be reluctant to have unprotected sex with someone unless I knew we were exclusive and that we both showed each other we had tests to prove we were STD free. How do people not have these conversations after all the public education on the need to practice safe sex?

I am so glad that I am not in the dating pool as I am too paranoid and old fashioned to handle modern dating with all its inherent risks.

If people want to engage in adult intimate acts then they should act like adults and discuss it and their relationships.


----------



## smi11ie

*


----------



## Peter/

bandit.45 said:


> I take it your British. That explains it. English girls are like cigarette lighters: made to be passed around and used by many. Find yourself a nice Pakistani girl or maybe some lady from the jungles of Borneo with a bone in her nose. They might not be quite as promiscuous. Otherwise you're fooked trying to find a monogamous woman where you live.


You British?

Seems like you know what English girls are like down to a tee.

I'm not going to bother with the dating any more.

Might as well go for a **** fest in Duisberg DE with high class hookers once every couple of months, absolutely zero expectations and I get a long weekend away in a posh hotel with folded towels and fluffy pillows LOL



BobSimmons said:


> Seems like you don't need the "interpretation" after all.
> 
> That's the kicker for me. Ok f*ck the exclusivity noise, let's first off look at foundations that being the base of friendship.
> 
> You invited her into her house, you trusted her, you sleeping downstairs is neither here nor there but it's made to look like you're either lazy but most definitely some uncaring sloth who's not willing to service his virile woman who's waiting upstairs expectedly. This guy is literally denigrating you and she's using that to flirt with him and give him the come on.
> 
> I mean there's no question what the guy is after but even if you were not exclusive, she's still bad mouthing you to the other guy. That alone should get her the hook.
> 
> Just ghost her, dump her stuff don't even bother with an explanation.


It was the timing of her messages more than the slagging me off that really pissed me off.

Hey ho, it is what it is.



BobSimmons said:


> Read so much bullsh*t in this thread. It's truly amazing. I won't even keep having sex with her as some suggested. Truly lowering the bar until it hits the ground.


I would rather not risk my own health by having sex with someone who is having sex with other random men.

Anyways, I popped in on my way to have Chinese with the lads and for sure she was expecting someone as she was dressed in her favourite lingerie and answered the door in a robe, seems she had my scheduled Tuesday dinner with the lads booked up with someone else, she certainly wasn't expecting me to pop in so I guess I know exactly where I stand, she has been "entertaining" other men whilst being in a relationship with me, she seemed shocked and more than a little embarrassed when she saw it was me and it was kind of fun seeing her squirm, but I casually mentioned that it was better that we went our separate ways and made it very clear that I have no intention of contacting her ever again.

Quick shower now and I'm going to bed.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Young at Heart said:


> *Do folks really have sex with strangers without discussing their partners sex history or whether they engage in any risky sex practices?* I would be reluctant to have unprotected sex with someone unless I knew we were exclusive and that we both showed each other we had tests to prove we were STD free. How do people not have these conversations after all the public education on the need to practice safe sex?
> 
> I am so glad that I am not in the dating pool as I am too paranoid and old fashioned to handle modern dating with all its inherent risks.
> 
> If people want to engage in adult intimate acts then they should act like adults and discuss it and their relationships.


To the bolded, yes many still do this. I don't, and I'm leery of people who do. 

Like if I have the conversation about the need to show each other proof of being free of STI's and they balk at it and say "I know you don't have anything, so you don't have to prove it to me"...and I'm just going, like....how? How do you know I don't have anything? Just because I said I don't? What if I have one and I don't even know it? What if you do?

Another answer I got once when I asked "do you now or have you ever had any STI's" was "no, I know I never did in the past and I don't have now...the women I have dated are clean, I date mostly professionals, nurses, real estate agents, etc". I said "Um, how does someone's profession prevent them from having STI's? STI's don't pick and choose people to infect based on any criteria like that. Also did you even ask them the question first?" He was stumped, and actually stopped to examine his thoughts on STI's. In the past, there was the general (incorrect) feeling that people who contracted STI's were dirty, lower class, slept with hundreds of people, etc. I think that's where he still was in his thinking on the matter.

Then there is the problem of tests. There is no such thing as a panel of STI tests that covers every possible STI. When you go to have one, you basically have to pick and choose which ones you want to test for. When I had them done, my doc explained this to me and showed me the list of possible infections and there were dozens of them, many I had never even heard of. He explained that some of them require different types of samples taken and the samples are read differently, some require fasting first and some don't, so you can't just do one blood draw and have it be used for all the STI's you want to test for. I had him help me choose which ones I should test for based on what he has seen for local outbreaks recently, which ones are common, and a few other parameters. You have to pay for these tests out of pocket usually, so I certainly didn't want to test for dozens and dozens of them, yet there is really no way to know which ones you should or shouldn't test for (unless you are having some kind of symptoms). 

Therefore, even if someone shows you a clean panel report, you have to realize that if it only shows you are clean in 2 or 3 types of STI, there are dozens of others you still don't know about.

For me, I have this conversation as part of the need-for-exclusivity-before-sex conversation. 

I will say that more and more guys are regularly using condoms (at least with new partners), so that is a good thing. I don't know if there are statistics about this, but the message seems to have gotten to people that condoms are needed initially. If you can both show lack of STI's and know you are exclusive then condoms aren't as necessary, but still may be desired by either party.

The one cool thing about dating at my age is....I can't get pregnant!!! Well also, lack of periods!!!! I never knew when I was younger what a HUGE relief both of those things would be and what a BONUS it is to my sex life. And a lot of guys my age have had a vasectomy so that's a double bonus/protection. Never again will I fear I may be pregnant, WOOOOOT!!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Anyways, I popped in on my way to have Chinese with the lads and for sure she was expecting someone as she was dressed in her favourite lingerie and answered the door in a robe, seems she had my scheduled Tuesday dinner with the lads booked up with someone else, she certainly wasn't expecting me to pop in so I guess I know exactly where I stand, she has been "entertaining" other men whilst being in a relationship with me, she seemed shocked and more than a little embarrassed when she saw it was me and it was kind of fun seeing her squirm, but I casually mentioned that it was better that we went our separate ways and made it very clear that I have no intention of contacting her ever again.
> 
> Quick shower now and I'm going to bed.


A spectacular post. Sorry this happened to you, but your handling of it has been perfect.


----------



## Peter/

Young at Heart said:


> *
> 
> Do folks really have sex with strangers without discussing their partners sex history or whether they engage in any risky sex practices?*


*

I've been learning about this "hook-up culture" where tinder is all they do and picking through the friends lists of their facebook friends and sending messages to anyone they think looks good enough, I know several lads at work who are regularly having one night stands and picking up girls in pubs and clubs, going to the car park, having sex in the car and going back inside, one lad was screwing the bar maid in the toilet then came back to rejoin the group.

I think it's more a case of sex being dislocated from love and relationships, which I think is very sad.



Faithful Wife said:



A spectacular post. Sorry this happened to you, but your handling of it has been perfect.

Click to expand...

I had a couple of days to calm down and I wasn't particularly invested in the relationship as we hadn't been going steady for that long, must admit there was a part of me that wanted to be vindictive, I've deleted the screen shot of the messages and I want nothing to do with her.

The whole thing has made me think about her and I feel pity for her, if it is all about the sex and the dopamine rush of instant gratification then she has a hard life ahead of her, the guys will come and go, the types that are in to the hook up culture are only in it for the sex and when the looks dry up, the bodies go saggy there won't be much left to create a fulfilling life, then of course we mustn't omit the risks involved with having sex with multiple partners over a long course of time, and they are all into the same thing, multiple sexual partners, that is a recipe for very serious health consequences in the future, let us also not forget about the potential for pregnancy too, that will be a life changing event that is for sure, then it will be a question of who's the daddy?

But it's not my problem, we can leave that for some other poor mug to worry about.*


----------



## Ursula

Peter/ said:


> Oh, right, didn't realise that it was necessary to put contract stipulations on relationships, especially when you think she has been staying here 3 nights a week and she has spoke openly that she thinks we are a great fit and she really likes me?
> 
> I've even met her folks FFS!!!


I'm really sorry that you're going through this with her. It isn't necessary to put contract stipulations on dating relationships, but if you want to be exclusive, it is necessary to state that in this day and age. I was seeing someone who was spending 2-3 nights a week at my place. We never talked about seeing just each other and no one else. Because we didn't talk about this, I thought we were free to see others (note: I just continued seeing men off of Match for coffee; I was only being intimate with the one man). He apparently thought we were exclusive, and pretty much ended up ghosting me. 

Long story short, open those lines of communication. With my new man, we established what we were to each other after our first few dates. I made sure that if I wanted a relationship to happen, I needed to have that conversation.


----------



## BobSimmons

Ursula said:


> I'm really sorry that you're going through this with her. It isn't necessary to put contract stipulations on dating relationships, but if you want to be exclusive, it is necessary to state that in this day and age. I was seeing someone who was spending 2-3 nights a week at my place. We never talked about seeing just each other and no one else. Because we didn't talk about this, I thought we were free to see others (note: I just continued seeing men off of Match for coffee; I was only being intimate with the one man). He apparently thought we were exclusive, and pretty much ended up ghosting me.
> 
> Long story short, *open those lines of communication.* With my new man, we established what we were to each other after our first few dates. I made sure that if I wanted a relationship to happen, I needed to have that conversation.


Again I don't see this as a "lines of communication issue" about exclusivity. This was two facedness at it's worst. The way she talked about him to the other guy who's probably banging her, shows she doesn't respect him, let alone entertain any thoughts of "exclusivity".


----------



## EleGirl

The good thing is that the OP found out early on what she's like and has ended their dating. Weeding out the people who waster your time and energy is essential. The purpose of dating is to find out if a person is a good match for a long term relationship. So the OP found out that she's not. It ended as is should have.

I also don't see why some posters turned this situation into putting down British women as a whole. I'm sure that there are plenty of good British women.


----------



## ConanHub

You aren't old fashioned, you have class.

At least your eyes are open. There are still classy men and women but beware because there are a ton of slimy skankasaurs running around.


----------



## Ursula

BobSimmons said:


> Again I don't see this as a "lines of communication issue" about exclusivity. This was two facedness at it's worst. The way she talked about him to the other guy who's probably banging her, shows she doesn't respect him, let alone entertain any thoughts of "exclusivity".


Fair enough; I haven't read the entire thread, so my response was based pretty much on the OP original post. Communication is still really important, but I don't think someone who's 2-faced is interested in communication!


----------



## Windwalker

Peter/ said:


> _*we hadn't been going steady for that long*_


I haven't heard this term in forever. I think my grandmother was the last person I have heard use it. Is this still common terminology used by Brits?

If not, then that gives me a few clues as to your acclimation to modern dating life. Just food for thought.

Glad you got out of that situation.


----------



## Peter/

Windwalker said:


> I haven't heard this term in forever. I think my grandmother was the last person I have heard use it. Is this still common terminology used by Brits?
> 
> If not, then that gives me a few clues as to your acclimation to modern dating life. Just food for thought.
> 
> Glad you got out of that situation.


LOL

I am a little old fashioned I guess, I am nearly 40 though :|

Not exactly sure what the younger generations call it these days but I think they are for sure adverse to anything resembling commitment.

There are dozens of dating sites and the internet has made the whole hook up culture even more convenient, there seems to be a distinct lack of investment in anything remotely akin to a relationship, it's like fast food, turn up, get served, chuck the rubbish in the bin and jog on so to speak.


----------



## Windwalker

Peter/ said:


> LOL
> 
> I am a little old fashioned I guess, I am nearly 40 though :|
> 
> Not exactly sure what the younger generations call it these days but I think they are for sure adverse to anything resembling commitment.
> 
> There are dozens of dating sites and the internet has made the whole hook up culture even more convenient, there seems to be a distinct lack of investment in anything remotely akin to a relationship, it's like fast food, turn up, get served, chuck the rubbish in the bin and jog on so to speak.


Brother, I'm right there with you.

I don't like it either.
I ever get divorced and I'm done completely. Just not worth all the headaches. It does bother me my boys will have to deal with this garbage. They aren't raised like that.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> LOL
> 
> I am a little old fashioned I guess, I am nearly 40 though :|
> 
> Not exactly sure what the younger generations call it these days but I think they are for sure adverse to anything resembling commitment.
> 
> There are dozens of dating sites and the internet has made the whole hook up culture even more convenient, there seems to be a distinct lack of investment in anything remotely akin to a relationship, it's like fast food, turn up, get served, chuck the rubbish in the bin and jog on so to speak.


Ok Peter...you need a little tough love here.....

You learned a lesson the hard way, but that doesn't mean that everyone who just wants to be free and date or have sex with multiple people are "bad people". Sure, some are. But some people who want to be monogamous are bad people, too.

You learned that some people want to run around, and that you want monogamy. There is no right or wrong here. Don't be judgmental about it, there's no need to be.

What you do is let the people who want to have multiple partners have each other, while you stay away from them and you find people who want just one partner. 

People who are not wanting to be monogamous have many different reasons for this, and it is a GOOD THING they can find others who feel the way they do so that they will not go for monogamous people and then simply cheat on them.

What this girl did to you was not nice, but she did not directly deceive you. That's the hard lesson you learned - - you learned that it is up to you to ask the right questions and establish the parameters you need BEFORE you have sex with someone. 

I'm not saying she is a good person, I am just saying that she didn't directly deceive you.

In the online dating world, some people state straight up that they are not monogamous. Heck there are even poly and swinger couples who have profiles on dating sites! Be HAPPY that these people can be honest about their intentions and find each other. Those of us who want monogamy can also be honest and find each other.

I've known plenty of people who are having fun, dating and sleeping with multiple people, who are well adjusted, happy people. They aren't just all skanks and ho-bags. They aren't trying to hurt anyone or break any hearts. They just aren't willing to be with just one person at this time in their lives, for whatever reason.

Please don't become bitter and judgmental about other people, just find the people who want what you want. You can be bitter and resent this girl you were with, because she was low class about it with the texting the other guy about you....but please don't let it color your whole vision of what is possible out there in dating.

I just had "the talk" on a date last night. Which means our next date will hopefully be at his place. After the talk, I feel assured (and he does too) that neither of us are boinking anyone else. But we also feel assured that just because we will probably boink each other doesn't mean we are "in love" or moving toward a deep committed thing....we don't know the future and we aren't out ahead of our feelings on anything. We are just establishing the parameters we both need in order to have sex with each other. These talks are very important, and if you don't have them, you end up with misunderstandings. It is very simple once you know all of this stuff.

For contrast, I had "the talk" with a date a month or so ago, and he said he wouldn't want to agree to exclusivity *before* having sex because, what if it wasn't good? How would you know you want to agree to that if you don't know yet if you will be enjoying yourself and want to continue? I said, well you just take the chance and then break it off if things aren't good, you just have to be adults about it. He still didn't really agree so I said ok, I guess we can't really proceed then because that's what I would need. Wished each other good luck and that was that.


----------



## Ms. Hawaii

Peter/ said:


> LOL
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Not exactly sure what the younger generations call it these days but I think they are for sure adverse to anything resembling commitment.
> 
> 
> 
> There are dozens of dating sites and the internet has made the whole hook up culture even more convenient, there seems to be a distinct lack of investment in anything remotely akin to a relationship, it's like fast food, turn up, get served, chuck the rubbish in the bin and jog on so to speak.




Eh don’t knockout our way of life.


----------



## Peter/

Ms. Hawaii said:


> Eh don’t knockout our way of life.


Are you telling me that the only thing you plan for your life is meaningless promiscuous sex?

How is that working out for ya?

Sexually satisfying no doubt, but long term life satisfaction is possibly going to be quite low I think.


----------



## Peter/

Unbelievable, she has been texting me non stop for the last hour and a half, I have not replied and refuse to.

I mean, I blew her up at her place yesterday where she was getting ready to phuck some other guy, why now?

Dizzy bint!


----------



## threelittlestars

What are the texts saying? What is her defense? Not that you need to listen, im just curious.


----------



## RandomDude

Peter/ said:


> Unbelievable, she has been texting me non stop for the last hour and a half, I have not replied and refuse to.
> 
> I mean, I blew her up at her place yesterday where she was getting ready to phuck some other guy, why now?
> 
> Dizzy bint!


Natural reaction, she has realised what she had lost. Just watch and be entertained. Once you get sick of it, block her number.

Find a more compatible partner in the meantime. For the next time, try discerning what type of person the woman actually is. I have my own little system (which can be controversial) where I class them as FFF-material, FWB-material, GF-material, marriage-material etc. She seems more FFF, since even for FWBs requires a level of honesty and transparency.

Know what you want and don't compromise in the future. Plenty of fish in the sea.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

Thats how I first caught on to my ex-wife cheating on me. I went into FB and it took me right to her page. Clicked on messenger and almost word for word.

Get rid of her.


----------



## Bananapeel

RD, what's the FFF? I just know the F.F.F.F.


----------



## Peter/

RandomDude said:


> Natural reaction, she has realised what she had lost. Just watch and be entertained. Once you get sick of it, block her number.
> 
> Find a more compatible partner in the meantime. For the next time, try discerning what type of person the woman actually is. I have my own little system (which can be controversial) where I class them as FFF-material, FWB-material, GF-material, marriage-material etc. She seems more FFF, since even for FWBs requires a level of honesty and transparency.
> 
> Know what you want and don't compromise in the future. Plenty of fish in the sea.


There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.

Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me".

Seriously, when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy?


----------



## seadoug105

Peter/ said:


> There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.
> 
> *Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me".*
> 
> Seriously, when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy?



Yeah.... and that's why she kept it COMPLETELY hidden from you. Always planning stuff when you had plans... and why she was in so much shock, looking guilty as all hell, when you showed up yesterday.

And so the lies of the cheating Millennials begin to take form.... with one of my personal favorites "I'm sorry, I thought you were ok with me getting Fah-Hucked regularly (behind your back)! Now that I know I promise it will never happen again! ... I swear!"


Just some more of my SHA-HITTY thoughts...


----------



## 269370

Peter/ said:


> There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.
> 
> 
> 
> Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me".
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously, when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy?




When he has to pay for the screwing


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Seriously, when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy?


When they have discussed it beforehand and both parties know the other is seeing/screwing other people.

Do you really not understand that part yet?


----------



## RandomDude

Bananapeel said:


> RD, what's the FFF? I just know the F.F.F.F.


Find, FK, Forget lol

Even I though personally, I gravitate towards more for a *minimum* of FWB than an FFF. FFFs I don't even bother, because I like to go skin to skin and have all the nice perks of actually sleeping with someone I bloody trust lol


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

"Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me"."


ROFL!!! Sword fighting, cream pie action, double sheathed.....Niice. Now this is what you want your parents to find you are dating! lol


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Peter/ said:


> Unbelievable, she has been texting me non stop for the last hour and a half, I have not replied and refuse to.
> 
> I mean, I blew her up at her place yesterday where she was getting ready to phuck some other guy, why now?
> 
> Dizzy bint!


Just send her the screen shots. Tell her you learned everything you ever wanted to know about her true feelings for you in that conversation let alone her "resting at home" decked out in La Perla waiting for #19 stringer lover.


----------



## RandomDude

Peter/ said:


> There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.


That's the best way, good attitude. I also found that when you are happy by yourself, you tend to find much much better prospects


----------



## BobSimmons

Bro honestly just cut her off and move on with your life.

This type of woman will only bring drama and emotional manipulation into your life.

If she's cool with banging other men why is she trying to contact you? Part of the reason is using a guy's ego against him.

She knows you know, so she hopes to appeal to your ego by appearing to put in the effort to get in touch.

But you will notice there is no apology(and why would she) she's stating a fact and she's stating how things will be.

Again this has nothing to do with you. Just the men that orbit her and the ego boost she gets from it.

She knows you're not "cool" with her sleeping with other men, surely she would just leave you alone right?

Don't get hooked into the drama. Eventually she will get bored and move on.


----------



## Windwalker

BarbedFenceRider said:


> "Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me"."
> 
> 
> ROFL!!! Sword fighting, cream pie action, double sheathed.....Niice. Now this is what you want your parents to find you are dating! lol


Very nice. Lol.


----------



## Peter/

Faithful Wife said:


> When they have discussed it beforehand and both parties know the other is seeing/screwing other people.
> 
> Do you really not understand that part yet?


Yes, I get it but there should at least be some information coming my way from her, I refuse to justify her actions by allowing someone else to say "well you should have talked about it" well yeah, it takes two to tango, communication isn't a one way street!



Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Just send her the screen shots. Tell her you learned everything you ever wanted to know about her true feelings for you in that conversation let alone her "resting at home" decked out in La Perla waiting for #19 stringer lover.


I deleted it off my computer but could copy back off this thread right?

But do I really want to reciprocate contact?

I would rather leave her in limbo wondering.



RandomDude said:


> That's the best way, good attitude. I also found that when you are happy by yourself, you tend to find much much better prospects


I'm a year out of a marriage, I spent 8 1/2 months on my jack jones making sure there was no way the ex could string an adultery charge my way!

I can enjoy life without the need for a relationship.



BobSimmons said:


> Bro honestly just cut her off and move on with your life.
> 
> This type of woman will only bring drama and emotional manipulation into your life.
> 
> If she's cool with banging other men why is she trying to contact you? Part of the reason is using a guy's ego against him.
> 
> She knows you know, so she hopes to appeal to your ego by appearing to put in the effort to get in touch.
> 
> But you will notice there is no apology(and why would she) she's stating a fact and she's stating how things will be.
> 
> Again this has nothing to do with you. Just the men that orbit her and the ego boost she gets from it.
> 
> She knows you're not "cool" with her sleeping with other men, surely she would just leave you alone right?
> 
> Don't get hooked into the drama. Eventually she will get bored and move on.


Ego, that about sums it up, needed a dopamine hit and hit up a beta orbiter to get a fix, no excuse, she needs to just leave me the heck alone.

I've been naughty though, I found the guy, got his mobile number too, just wondering if I should plaster it all over the pub toilets on Friday and Saturday nights out for a few weeks, try and get him a date with a real man LOL


----------



## Peter/

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> La Perla


:surprise:

Dude, if I had known you were going round last night I would have stayed and we could have had a beer, looked hot hey, the red basque is her favourite lol >


----------



## Peter/

It's 00:40 here in the UK and she is still sending texts.

I am going to pizz her right off tomorrow, I'm going to the cops and going to make a complaint about harassment.

Need to go to sleep now as I have work at 05:30


----------



## RandomDude

Peter/ said:


> It's 00:40 here in the UK and she is still sending texts.
> 
> I am going to pizz her right off tomorrow, I'm going to the cops and going to make a complaint about harassment.
> 
> Need to go to sleep now as I have work at 05:30


Should be an extension you can call that allows you to block a number. Not sure about the UK but google it.


----------



## Peter/

RandomDude said:


> Should be an extension you can call that allows you to block a number. Not sure about the UK but google it.


Don't know?

Would rather go make a complaint TBH, call it a consequence of her actions.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

Just turn off the damn phone! Or atleast turn off the call notification part of it...

And don't go to the cops....It makes you look ridiculous. Just ignore. seriously.

BTW...12:45am texting. Yup, she is drunk, and missing action. lol


----------



## Marc878

Op, you've already wasted more time on this than she's worth.

Silence us the biggest killer for people like this.

Just block her on your phone


----------



## RandomDude

Peter/ said:


> Don't know?
> 
> Would rather go make a complaint TBH, call it a consequence of her actions.


Just block, should be an extension you can call. Useless service provider if they don't have it - in which case, just change your number and service provider tomorrow.

I'm all for making her suffer the consequences of her actions, but in this case, it's too much work for little reward. 

Revenge has to be exact, and always in YOUR favor. You must profit.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Peter/ said:


> Yes, I get it but there should at least be some information coming my way from her, I refuse to justify her actions by allowing someone else to say "well you should have talked about it" well yeah, it takes two to tango, communication isn't a one way street!
> 
> 
> 
> *I deleted it off my computer but could copy back off this thread right?
> 
> But do I really want to reciprocate contact?
> 
> I would rather leave her in limbo wondering.*
> 
> 
> 
> I'm a year out of a marriage, I spent 8 1/2 months on my jack jones making sure there was no way the ex could string an adultery charge my way!
> 
> I can enjoy life without the need for a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> Ego, that about sums it up, needed a dopamine hit and hit up a beta orbiter to get a fix, no excuse, she needs to just leave me the heck alone.
> 
> I've been naughty though, I found the guy, got his mobile number too, just wondering if I should plaster it all over the pub toilets on Friday and Saturday nights out for a few weeks, try and get him a date with a real man LOL


1) yes, the attachment is there. I just copied to my desktop.

2) Yes, send it. Its nice to let a shallow ahole know you are on to them. Not too many opportunities in life to to send a message back like that. Along with comments of your own like "It's nice to know when someone talks crap behind your back and to get proof of it so you can confront them with proof of the degree that they are a 2 faced ahole skank. 

3) She knows what she did. She does not know why you dumped her. I myself would find a perverse pleasure in sending it along with a a big GFU slag. Just letting her know.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Peter/ said:


> Don't know?
> 
> Would rather go make a complaint TBH, call it a consequence of her actions.


Save all the messages, for her future boyfriends. Wait until she stops texting nonsense. Then send the screenshot. Then block her number at the carrier.


----------



## Townes

Peter/ said:


> It's 00:40 here in the UK and she is still sending texts.
> 
> I am going to pizz her right off tomorrow, I'm going to the cops and going to make a complaint about harassment.
> 
> Need to go to sleep now as I have work at 05:30


You are giving this person way too much power in your life.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Peter/ said:


> Yes, I get it but there should at least be some information coming my way from her, I refuse to justify her actions by allowing someone else to say "well you should have talked about it" well yeah, it takes two to tango, communication isn't a one way street!


I agree totally when it comes to you and this chick, she had responsibility to communicate and the texting someone else about you was just unforgivable. If I were you I would probably sent a rant filled text with the screen shot and then block her. 

But I am more talking about making judgments about people who are in agreement about having multiple partners. Let them have each other, it’s all good and those of us who want exclusivity can find each other and we can all stay out of each other’s dating pool. It’s just a choice (to have many partners). It doesn’t mean they are all bad people. It is not a choice that I make but I have many friends who do (or who have at some point in the past). They weren’t cheaters, they were just horny and free wheeling. Most of them come to a place in their lives when they want just one partner but even those who don’t, again as long as people are upfront and honest what is really wrong about it? 

This chick you were seeing is a different story and she burned you. She knows it and is back peddling. You don’t owe her anything but if you ripped her to shreds verbally who could blame you?


----------



## skerzoid

Dude, calling the cops looks weak.

Blocking her, refusing to answer phone calls, going dark so to speak will drive her nuts. She will always look at you as the one that got away. Get a new girl and that will drive a stake through her vampire heart. Being happy without her is the best revenge for a cheater.


----------



## just got it 55

Peter/ said:


> It's 00:40 here in the UK and she is still sending texts.
> 
> I am going to pizz her right off tomorrow, I'm going to the cops and going to make a complaint about harassment.
> 
> Need to go to sleep now as I have work at 05:30


Pete..... Is she really that important to you

Come on man

55


----------



## Faithful Wife

At least in the US, I'm pretty sure going to a PD and making a complaint about someone blowing up your phone with texts and calls would get a look like "really, you think we are here to be the drama police?" If she was physically threatening you that would be a reason to file a complaint but not just being a drama queen which is what she is doing. I think here they would tell you to change your number.


----------



## 269370

Peter/ said:


> Yes, I get it but there should at least be some information coming my way from her, I refuse to justify her actions by allowing someone else to say "well you should have talked about it" well yeah, it takes two to tango, communication isn't a one way street!
> 
> 
> 
> I deleted it off my computer but could copy back off this thread right?
> 
> But do I really want to reciprocate contact?
> 
> I would rather leave her in limbo wondering.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm a year out of a marriage, I spent 8 1/2 months on my jack jones making sure there was no way the ex could string an adultery charge my way!
> 
> I can enjoy life without the need for a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> Ego, that about sums it up, needed a dopamine hit and hit up a beta orbiter to get a fix, no excuse, she needs to just leave me the heck alone.
> 
> I've been naughty though, I found the guy, got his mobile number too, just wondering if I should plaster it all over the pub toilets on Friday and Saturday nights out for a few weeks, try and get him a date with a real man LOL


Have you met her online? But either way: it's not up to you to find out or ask if she's dating anyone else 3 month into a relationship. 
It's up to her to tell you if she is. Having an open relationship is less common than having a regular relationship and it's her who should have communicated it to you. You asking her "honey, are you screwing other guys at the moment? I am just asking because I am about to go down on you and don't want to end up with someone else's 'yoghurt' on my face." 
I don't even know how one would go about asking those questions...In my world, it's fairly normal to assume that unless told otherwise, a relationship is typically between TWO people.


----------



## RandomDude

inmyprime said:


> I don't even know how one would go about asking those questions...*In my world, it's fairly normal to assume that unless told otherwise, a relationship is typically between TWO people.*


Exactly, even in the past when I dated for purely physical reasons and sought non-exclusivity I made it very clear that was what I was after. Otherwise I'll be leading them on. And it's not difficult at all to speak about, it blends into the conversation when discussing what either party wants out of the encounter. In other words, no excuses.

She flat out lied and deceived OP.

Generations aren't even an excuse. And she's what? 30? That's my generation, gen Y. Nope, there's still common decency. Even millenials have the same standard believe it or not. So again, no excuses.


----------



## ConanHub

Don't give so much energy to this person.

She played you. She sucks. End of story.

It's probably happened to most of us at one point or another.

I have dropped more than one player and did one in a humiliating way but didn't keep going on with her. It was before cell phones however so getting your phone blown up would be annoying.

There is absolutely blocking options however.


----------



## Ms. Hawaii

Peter/ said:


> Are you telling me that the only thing you plan for your life is meaningless promiscuous sex?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .




Im curious... How did you come to this conclusion? 

You didn’t establish exclusivity. Seriously, if you wanted you and her to be monogamous, you SHOULD have SAID something. Kids usually dance around things and assume. An ADULT should be open to open his/her mouth to express his/her desires. 

Honestly, imo, she didn’t do anything wrong.


----------



## Bananapeel

RandomDude said:


> Find, FK, Forget lol
> 
> Even I though personally, I gravitate towards more for a *minimum* of FWB than an FFF. FFFs I don't even bother, because I like to go skin to skin and have all the nice perks of actually sleeping with someone I bloody trust lol


In the US it's four F's. We seem to have to feed them too, so you have it easy where you are. Lol.


----------



## Kamstel

Completely ignore all of her texts and calls.
Or better yet, as someone else posted, enjoy the show then block when it becomes tiresome, or Sunday morning, whichever comes first. 

Also, It might be a good idea to take a break from actively searching for a good woman. However, if during this break a good woman does appear, don’t reject her just because you’re taking a break.

It has been my experience, that a good person comes around just when you least expect it and when you aren’t looking for it.


----------



## minimalME

Ms. Hawaii said:


> Im curious... How did you come to this conclusion?
> 
> You didn’t establish exclusivity. Seriously, if you wanted you and her to be monogamous, you SHOULD have SAID something. Kids usually dance around things and assume. An ADULT should be open to open his/her mouth to express his/her desires.
> 
> Honestly, imo, she didn’t do anything wrong.


In so many of the threads I read on TAM, this quote from C.S. Lewis comes to mind:

“We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.”


----------



## ConanHub

Ms. Hawaii said:


> Im curious... How did you come to this conclusion?
> 
> You didn’t establish exclusivity. Seriously, if you wanted you and her to be monogamous, you SHOULD have SAID something. Kids usually dance around things and assume. An ADULT should be open to open his/her mouth to express his/her desires.
> 
> Honestly, imo, she didn’t do anything wrong.


You are off on this one. She knows she f'd up big time when he showed up at her place and she had the red light on for another man.

I don't think he needs to give her any payback but she absolutely deserves getting dumped.


----------



## Peter/

skerzoid said:


> Dude, calling the cops looks weak.
> 
> Blocking her, refusing to answer phone calls, going dark so to speak will drive her nuts. She will always look at you as the one that got away. Get a new girl and that will drive a stake through her vampire heart. Being happy without her is the best revenge for a cheater.


Might look weak but I tell ya, if it all goes South and she does some stupid a$$ stunt, I want there to be evidence, of her pursuit of me!


just got it 55 said:


> Pete..... Is she really that important to you
> 
> Come on man
> 
> 55


Nope, but what the hell do I come here for 55 unless it is to spill my guts to strangers who won't think I'm losing the plot completely.



inmyprime said:


> Have you met her online? But either way: it's not up to you to find out or ask if she's dating anyone else 3 month into a relationship.
> It's up to her to tell you if she is. Having an open relationship is less common than having a regular relationship and it's her who should have communicated it to you. You asking her "honey, are you screwing other guys at the moment? I am just asking because I am about to go down on you and don't want to end up with someone else's 'yoghurt' on my face."
> I don't even know how one would go about asking those questions...In my world, it's fairly normal to assume that unless told otherwise, a relationship is typically between TWO people.


We met at the coffee shop by a job I was working, she was coming in at 10:45 every day for a chocamoka latte, we got chatting, went for a drink, it wasn't until our 2nd date that I kissed her, not until our 4th date that I ****ed her, I wasn't in a hurry and she seemed very relaxed about things too.



ConanHub said:


> Don't give so much energy to this person.
> 
> She played you. She sucks. End of story.
> 
> It's probably happened to most of us at one point or another.
> 
> I have dropped more than one player and did one in a humiliating way but didn't keep going on with her. It was before cell phones however so getting your phone blown up would be annoying.
> 
> There is absolutely blocking options however.


Yeah, yeah, I know, but I'm not wasting energy, she is, it's her dime, it's her effort and I just get to hit silence and ignore the texts, the nice thing about not blocking her is that the phone rings, it rings and rings and then goes to V-mail, if it stopped ringing she'd know she was blocked and stop, by letting it ring it's on her to wonder whether I'm gonna answer or not every time she dials.



Kamstel said:


> Completely ignore all of her texts and calls.
> Or better yet, as someone else posted, enjoy the show then block when it becomes tiresome, or Sunday morning, whichever comes first.
> 
> Also, It might be a good idea to take a break from actively searching for a good woman. However, if during this break a good woman does appear, don’t reject her just because you’re taking a break.
> 
> It has been my experience, that a good person comes around just when you least expect it and when you aren’t looking for it.


I'm not looking, got next Friday to Monday in Amsterdam, I plan a long bank holiday weekend of weed and hookers.

She has rung at least 15 times today and I've had texts since 06:45 when she normally gets up wishing me "good morning", well phuck her good morning, but it is nice to know that she will have seen that "delivered" icon on the bottom and knows I saw it, then she wondered if it was me with every incoming message if I was going to reply.

I am indifferent to her behaviour now and I find it a comfort to know it is her torment off the back of her actions.


----------



## Noble1

sorry to hear about how things worked out but it seems like it was the best thing you did in letting her go.

In my own opinion, you will have succeed in fully letting go when you no longer care what she does and am able to cut her out completely.

Until then, enjoy her self-inflicted torments and move on.


----------



## Peter/

Noble1 said:


> sorry to hear about how things worked out but it seems like it was the best thing you did in letting her go.
> 
> In my own opinion, you will have succeed in fully letting go when you no longer care what she does and am able to cut her out completely.
> 
> Until then, enjoy her self-inflicted torments and move on.


I would like to think that I did everything right, I was kind, I was gentle, I was fun and I tried to be as relaxed as possible about everything.

Maybe that was my problem, maybe I was too relaxed?

Neither do I know, nor do I care, What I do know is that I did nothing wrong in my eyes.


----------



## Cromer

Peter/ said:


> I would like to think that I did everything right, I was kind, I was gentle, I was fun and I tried to be as relaxed as possible about everything.
> 
> Maybe that was my problem, maybe I was too relaxed?
> 
> Neither do I know, nor do I care, What I do know is that I did nothing wrong in my eyes.


If my GF had done something like this after we'd been together for two months, adios lady. 

She absolutely did something wrong, and she knows it. Otherwise, she wouldn't have sent a text saying "I'm sorry..." then trying to justify herself. Also, she wouldn't have been squirmy when you paid her an unexpected visit when her booty call was on the way. If she believed that she'd done nothing wrong, she would've owned it outright: "Hey, we never said we're exclusive. We've only been together two months."

It wasn't that she was having sex with multiple guys at once. It was the disrespect she showed towards you by not letting you know that you were getting sloppy seconds. Yuck. Also, sexting another guy from your computer at your place after spending the weekend with you and telling this guy that she's used to not getting any from you when that wasn't the case? Pure disrespect.

I would've taken a different approach. I would've sent that screenshot, let her know how disrespectful it was, and that she's not what you're looking for in a woman. Then ghosted her. Then she knows why and can stew in it.

Her loss.


----------



## Peter/

I just got home after Saturday morning at work and she is sitting on my bloomin door step!

I don't get this, last Sunday she was slagging me off to another bloke who wanted to get in her pants, Tuesday she was in hot lingerie ready to get her face phucked in and since I told her nicely and politely that we were going to part company and ignored her she's been all over me, OK she's hot (easy 8 in my book) but WTF???

Called the cops and my CCTV on my driveway has my a$$ covered.

OMG........... DRAMA.............


----------



## 269370

Peter/ said:


> I just got home after Saturday morning at work and she is sitting on my bloomin door step!
> 
> 
> 
> I don't get this, last Sunday she was slagging me off to another bloke who wanted to get in her pants, Tuesday she was in hot lingerie ready to get her face phucked in and since I told her nicely and politely that we were going to part company and ignored her she's been all over me, OK she's hot (easy 8 in my book) but WTF???
> 
> 
> 
> Called the cops and my CCTV on my driveway has my a$$ covered.
> 
> 
> 
> OMG........... DRAMA.............




Ok you might be in danger of over reacting. Why don’t you just tell her why you broke up with her and that will be the end of it??


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## just got it 55

inmyprime said:


> Ok you might be in danger of over reacting. Why don’t you just tell her why you broke up with her and that will be the end of it??
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Over react ?....Maybe maybe not

She sounds like a bunny boiler/stalker to me now!

Pete did she ever show signs of this before you gave her the boot?

55


----------



## Faithful Wife

Don't leave us hanging....what did you say? What did she say? What did the cops do? We've got our popcorn...


----------



## Kamstel

You are not in danger of over reacting, you are in danger 

While I’m not sure if you have enough yet, but you might want to ask the police about getting a restraining order for her.

Good luck


And FYI, I can wait to here more details about this morning


----------



## bandit.45

Peter/ said:


> Unbelievable, she has been texting me non stop for the last hour and a half, I have not replied and refuse to.
> 
> I mean, I blew her up at her place yesterday where she was getting ready to phuck some other guy, why now?
> 
> Dizzy bint!


Women cannot handle being dumped. They just can't. It destroys their fragile egos. She was supposed to dump you... not the other way around. She wants you to get back together with her so that in a few weeks she can dump you properly, as she was meant to.


----------



## RWB

Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!


----------



## bandit.45

Peter/ said:


> There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.
> 
> Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me".
> 
> Seriously, *when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy*?


When he's non-monogamous. 

You and her were just mismatched, that's all. Make sure the next time you get with a chick that you communicate your intentions thoroughly. This was a good lesson for all of us.


----------



## alte Dame

I think she thought she was playing everything perfectly. You were the 'catch' with the long-term potential. Guy on the phone was the confidant that she tells everything to but doesn't consider a long-term prospect. Guy on Tuesday is easy FWB (may be same as guy on phone). She thought she was masterful and in control and oh so special and hot for having so many men on a string.

It's tough when you are brought down to earth. Just know that if you had not found out what she is really like, she would have been a nightmare for you in a long-term R because she is not honest with you. She puts on an act for the guy she wants to 'catch.'


----------



## 269370

Anyone wants to bet they will get back together? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Laurentium

bandit.45 said:


> You and her were just mismatched, that's all. Make sure the next time you get with a chick that you communicate your intentions thoroughly. This was a good lesson for all of us.


Yeah, "I'm a sane person, how about you?"


----------



## BobSimmons

Peter/ said:


> I just got home after Saturday morning at work and she is sitting on my bloomin door step!
> 
> I don't get this, last Sunday she was slagging me off to another bloke who wanted to get in her pants, Tuesday she was in hot lingerie ready to get her face phucked in and since I told her nicely and politely that we were going to part company and ignored her she's been all over me, OK she's hot (easy 8 in my book) but WTF???
> 
> Called the cops and my CCTV on my driveway has my a$$ covered.
> 
> OMG........... DRAMA.............


You seem to love it. Then run back and reporting it.

I'm out


----------



## Decorum

Love and respect don't hinge on a technicality.

So

This is the same kind of woman that "takes a break" so they can sex some other dude because, "it's not cheating", then be hurt if you slipped one in as well.

A few years ago a woman underwent an experimental electronic pain treatment, and found she could trigger orgasm . She became virtually addicted to the device, and really suffered it's removal.

Not all, but many women you meet today are so addicted to the social media/attention/hookup cycle that it has changed dating etiquette forever.

Their sense of decency and your sense of decency don't match, and their long term potential does not extend past the next John.

Oh, for the good old days!



Peter/ said:


> I'm not looking, got next Friday to Monday in Amsterdam, I plan a long bank holiday weekend of weed and hookers.
> 
> ...
> 
> I am indifferent to her behaviour now and I find it a comfort to know it is her torment off the back of her actions.


Now go enjoy some weed, and a couple gorgeous prostitutes.

(You might try a snifter of brandy, and a good cigar along the way, just for Old Times' Sake, Ha, ha ha.)


----------



## Jasel

Idk this sounds like overkill all around for a couple that's only been dating a couple of months :scratchhead:


----------



## Decorum

Jasel said:


> Idk this sounds like overkill all around for a couple that's only been dating a couple of months :scratchhead:


Yep, and the plot twists are a bit rough, ha, ha, ha.


----------



## Peter/

Kamstel said:


> You are not in danger of over reacting, you are in danger
> 
> While I’m not sure if you have enough yet, but you might want to ask the police about getting a restraining order for her.
> 
> Good luck
> 
> 
> And FYI, I can wait to here more details about this morning


Cops came and she left after trampling my flower beds.



inmyprime said:


> Anyone wants to bet they will get back together?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not on your life!



BobSimmons said:


> You seem to love it. Then run back and reporting it.
> 
> I'm out


Not really, could post it on twitter I s'pose? But as I was already here digging through my issues i thought I would keep y'all updated, won't bother, far better to keep it to myself.



Jasel said:


> Idk this sounds like overkill all around for a couple that's only been dating a couple of months :scratchhead:


I was under the impression that I had very little meaning to her considering the way she treated me and carried on with other blokes behind my back.



Decorum said:


> Yep, and the plot twists are a bit rough, ha, ha, ha.


Best ask her what plot she's reading from, I just want to be left alone and figure out who I am and work out what I really want from life.

After she was escorted off my property Saturday afternoon I haven't heard a peep from her, let us all hope it stays that way, especially me.


----------



## jlg07

@Peter/, what did she try to say to you before the cops got there? I presume she got the point that you know she disrespected you to the other guy, and that you wouldn't tolerate her banging other guys while with you. Did she at least seem to understand that point of view?


----------



## Kamstel

My fingers are crossed for you that she is now gone from your life once and for all.

Enjoy finding and being you


----------



## Peter/

jlg07 said:


> @Peter/, what did she try to say to you before the cops got there? I presume she got the point that you know she disrespected you to the other guy, and that you wouldn't tolerate her banging other guys while with you. Did she at least seem to understand that point of view?


She wanted to know exactly what I knew, why I cut her off dead, why I never answered her calls and texts, I wasn't interested in what she had to say, the more I told her I didn't want to know the more agitated she got.

It was her agitation and volatility that made me think to ring the cops, as a man in this day and age I feel I need to protect myself from slanderous allegations, especially when you think that the feminazi these days expect that any old allegation made by a woman has to be believed and that a man is always at fault!

I heard nothing today and it's made me happy to think she's got the message.


----------



## OnTheFly

With this whole #MeToo bull**** you have to protect yourself by every means. Good for you! If she comes around again, use your phone to record the conversation. ''ABR''…..''always be recording''.


----------



## Peter/

just got it 55 said:


> Over react ?....Maybe maybe not
> 
> She sounds like a bunny boiler/stalker to me now!
> 
> Pete did she ever show signs of this before you gave her the boot?
> 
> 55


To be honest I wouldn't really know what to look for, bit clueless here and I suppose there is little to no incentive to learn their weird and wonderful ways.

I wasn't over reacting, no way! If you know how easy it is for a woman to stitch you up with fake tears when the cops turn up then you'll understand that your whole world can go down the pan real fast if they get the chance to string you up, they will!


----------



## Decorum

Peter/ said:


> Cops came and she left after trampling my flower beds.


Did she intentionally stomp your flower beds, ha ha ha.

Spiteful scorned shrew, ha ha ha!

To bad you didn't get it on video.

Whoever said earlier that they hate being dumped because it messes with their fragile egos was right.

So hey, I wish you well.


----------



## Peter/

Decorum said:


> Did she intentionally stomp your flower beds, ha ha ha.
> 
> Spiteful scorned shrew, ha ha ha!
> 
> To bad you didn't get it on video.


I have video but it only covers the driveway and front porch, flower beds are under the front window but there is audio, I gave copies to the cops and put the originals in the safe, you never know what the future holds!


----------



## Kamstel

Great job! 

You might want to touch base with the police and ask for a copy of their report, just for your records. 

Can you give ANOTHER copy of the cctv to a trusted friend, just in case something happens to your copy. Can you email it to yourself or upload it someplace, again, for safe keeping


----------



## Rubix Cubed

I think you have played the cards you've been dealt, and handled this extremely well. You may want to ask the cops about a restraining order if she gets tuned up again.

I also second (or third) the idea that she is upset now because she lost control, and if you were crazy enough to take her back she'd dump you post haste, so she could "win" and leave the game in control. It's driving her nuts, you can bank on it.


----------



## becareful2

Peter/ said:


> The whole thing has made me think about her and I feel pity for her, if it is all about the sex and the dopamine rush of instant gratification then she has a hard life ahead of her, the guys will come and go, the types that are in to the hook up culture are only in it for the sex and when the looks dry up, the bodies go saggy there won't be much left to create a fulfilling life, then of course we mustn't omit the risks involved with having sex with multiple partners over a long course of time, and they are all into the same thing, multiple sexual partners, that is a recipe for very serious health consequences in the future, let us also not forget about the potential for pregnancy too, that will be a life changing event that is for sure, then it will be a question of who's the daddy?


I might text her this and then ignore her. It might spare her future children from paying for her poor choices.


----------



## alte Dame

You clearly dodged a bullet with her. The bottom line is that she is dishonest, bunny boiler or not. You can't have a good relationship with someone who puts on a show for you and then runs you down to other people.


----------



## Cromer

Peter/ said:


> She wanted to know exactly what I knew, why I cut her off dead, why I never answered her calls and texts, I wasn't interested in what she had to say, the more I told her I didn't want to know the more agitated she got.


She probably thought that you knew way more than you do, it is actually worse than you think, and it's killing her not knowing the deal. The little hottie probably hasn't been dumped/ghosted like that before because she puts out. She likes you and was having a good time with you in a gf sorta way, which is probably hard for her to find a guy like that because of the way she is, e.g. free milk. It's also likely she's at the age where she is looking for something more but doesn't know how to get or sustain it (e.g. if you're with a guy you like then keep other guy's d's out of you). She knew she screwed up but wasn't expecting such swift consequences. You blew her little hottie ego to bits, likely the first time anyone has done that, and she is having a hard time dealing.

You dodged a 40mm depleted uranium round. Good job.


----------



## jlg07

So, you never told her what you found/heard? Just curious (it must be driving her crazy not to know...) -- I agree that you needed to protect yourself.


----------



## Marc878

Some cake eaters get really angry when you take their cake away.

Hopefully she learned a good lesson but probably not.

Nice job on getting away from that.


----------



## smi11ie

You definitely dodged a bullet. It sounds like you were one of her relationship prospects, while the others are probably just booty calls. You spoiled her plans and she spoiled your flowers.


----------



## seadoug105

Perhaps some of her "ACTIVITIES", especially the Tuesday meet up, were/are a side job..... and that's why it's so scheduled, she was so over dressed (for a hook-up) and why she wants to know what you know so badly....


----------



## Decorum

seadoug105 said:


> Perhaps some of her "ACTIVITIES", especially the Tuesday meet up, were/are a side job..... and that's why it's so scheduled, she was so over dressed (for a hook-up) and why she wants to know what you know so badly....


Some people had to pay for the milk, ha, ha, ha. WOW.

Peter might have been her ticket out!


----------



## Edmund

Cromer said:


> You dodged a 40mm depleted uranium round. Good job.


Wow Cromer. Is there such a thing? Anti tank, anti armour?

Peter/, You are not overeacting in this day and age and you are smart to have surveillance cameras. I don't really understand why she is pursuing you this much after you made it clear you were done. She may be BSC.


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## Suspicious1

Peter/ said:


> There are a lot of women out there and I am sure that I can do better but I am just not sure I actually want to bother trying for a while, just get back to being me and enjoying my own life.
> 
> Her last message was "I'm sorry, I thought you would be cool with me seeing other guys, ring me".
> 
> Seriously, when would any guy knowingly, actually be cool with the girl he's seeing screwing some other guy?


Yeah when the other guy is married, or the guy has no respect or care much about her! 

Sounds like it's what she is used to.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Cromer

Edmund said:


> Wow Cromer. Is there such a thing? Anti tank, anti armour?


Yes, and they are deadly effective. One of our DU rounds hits an enemy tank and it's toast. The A-10 Gatling gun uses them too.

Why Nobody Wants to Fight America's Tanks: Uranium "Silver Bullets" | The National Interest Blog


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## bandit.45

Cromer said:


> Yes, and they are deadly effective. One of our DU rounds hits an enemy tank and it's toast. The A-10 Gatling gun uses them too.
> 
> Why Nobody Wants to Fight America's Tanks: Uranium "Silver Bullets" | The National Interest Blog


And the Air Force is doing everything they can to get rid of the A-10. 

Oh don't get me started..


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## Cromer

bandit.45 said:


> And the Air Force is doing everything they can to get rid of the A-10.
> 
> Oh don't get me started..


I know, the A-10 is the ground man's BFF.


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## just got it 55

Cromer said:


> I know, the A-10 is the ground man's BFF.


Bullwinkle use to fly one of those bad boys

55


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## Kamstel

Enjoy your trip


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## threelittlestars

Did you ever tell her what it was? That conversation between her and that other dude, as well as the **** fest you walked in on before it started and the other dude showed up. 

If you told her that and said you are not interested in a disrespectful ***** I think she would NEVER have trampled beds and cops involved, stalked you or showed up uninvited. 

I think you should have offered her more respect than she gave you by letting her know that her behavior was not something you were interest in as a partner or a wife and that she is NOT wife material anyway. 

In relationships partners are (within reason) due respect and closure when there is a break up. Hence why ghosting is such an offense. You in a sense ghosted her... I get her anger, she is stupid though she could have imagined what drove you off... 

Anyway in the future if this happens just be upfront and break it off informing them of their bad behavior.


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## Kamstel

Any more attempts to contact you?

Enjoy the trip


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## Peter/

seadoug105 said:


> Perhaps some of her "ACTIVITIES", especially the Tuesday meet up, were/are a side job..... and that's why it's so scheduled, she was so over dressed (for a hook-up) and why she wants to know what you know so badly....


Are you saying that perhaps she was a prostitute?



threelittlestars said:


> Did you ever tell her what it was? That conversation between her and that other dude, as well as the **** fest you walked in on before it started and the other dude showed up.
> 
> If you told her that and said you are not interested in a disrespectful ***** I think she would NEVER have trampled beds and cops involved, stalked you or showed up uninvited.
> 
> I think you should have offered her more respect than she gave you by letting her know that her behavior was not something you were interest in as a partner or a wife and that she is NOT wife material anyway.
> 
> In relationships partners are (within reason) due respect and closure when there is a break up. Hence why ghosting is such an offense. You in a sense ghosted her... I get her anger, she is stupid though she could have imagined what drove you off...
> 
> Anyway in the future if this happens just be upfront and break it off informing them of their bad behavior.


Are you taking her side?

I thought I was being reasonable.

I mean the fact that you understand her anger and taking offence at my reaction to her behaviour bugs me a bit, it's only right and fair that I am entitled to sever all ties and cut all contact immediately considering what I discovered.

No confrontation with my proofs, just bailed and bolted the door behind me.



Kamstel said:


> Any more attempts to contact you?
> 
> Enjoy the trip


Not her but her GF has stalked me and "bumped into me" when I was grocery shopping last weekend, I was in the freezer isle and FFS she stood there in the shortest skirt and the smallest tightest boob tube  it's rude to point but I guess she missed the memo :grin2: told her very little, nothing more than the slunt already knows, I don't think it was coincidence we bumped into each other but I don't much care either.


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## Peter/

Kamstel said:


> Enjoy your trip


How do you know I have a holiday soon :scratchhead:

:wtf:


STALKER ALERT >


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## Kamstel

Reread your posts. You said you were going to Netherlands and have.great time with all the pot and prostitutes.


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## Kamstel

Post you mentioned the trip

Apr 27, 2018 · #127


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## Kamstel

What does FFS stand for?


What was the ex-gf’s gf Motive at the grocery store????


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## Beach123

minimalME said:


> This situation is so blatant. Why would you even hesitate to cut her out of your life?


I wouldn't wait to end it! She's not worth bothering with any more of your effort.

I'd send a text. She deserves no more effort than that.


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## Kamstel

Please ignore my question about meaning of ffs. It’s been a very long day


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## seadoug105

Peter/ said:


> Are you saying that perhaps she was a prostitute?


I would have found that nothing is too outrageous in this new hook-up generation..... so yes I was saying it is possible... scheduling them like appointments... "overdressing" for hook-up.... answering the door in her nightie for a planned face painting, removing all aspects of foreplay and build up, just ready for action.... sounds pretty business like for a paid CAH-hum dumpster!

Sorry, just my ****ty thoughts!!!!


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## threelittlestars

Peter/ said:


> Are you saying that perhaps she was a prostitute?
> 
> 
> 
> Are you taking her side?
> 
> I thought I was being reasonable.
> 
> I mean the fact that you understand her anger and taking offence at my reaction to her behaviour bugs me a bit, it's only right and fair that I am entitled to sever all ties and cut all contact immediately considering what I discovered.
> 
> No confrontation with my proofs, just bailed and bolted the door behind me.
> 
> 
> 
> Not her but her GF has stalked me and "bumped into me" when I was grocery shopping last weekend, I was in the freezer isle and FFS she stood there in the shortest skirt and the smallest tightest boob tube  it's rude to point but I guess she missed the memo :grin2: told her very little, nothing more than the slunt already knows, I don't think it was coincidence we bumped into each other but I don't much care either.



No totally NOT taking her side, taking yours and advising more (foreign policy). More tact for (YOURSELF) meaning you dont need to meet crazy with crazy, or tit for tat. If you just be honest with them they are unlikely to spin wheels, and uproot flowers in your flower beds. All i am saying is that you could have (POSSIBLY-because i dont have a crystal ball) given her NO REASON to react this way. 

I think over all you have acted PERFECT, besides this side bar issue. And only YOU were bothered by the shenanigans.

I am not defending HER CRAZY, just advising to you a way to better protect yourself from it.


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## bandit.45

Cromer said:


> I know, the A-10 is the ground man's BFF.


..and replace it with that abominable F-35 P.O.S..


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## Peter/

Kamstel said:


> Reread your posts. You said you were going to Netherlands and have.great time with all the pot and prostitutes.


It was really nice, spent most of my time in the countryside to be honest, got all ramped up for a blow out and lost interest by the time I got there :frown2:

I also booked a holiday to Dubai for June, I thought I would treat myself to a two week holiday in a hotel resort with palm trees and a pool.



Kamstel said:


> What does FFS stand for?
> 
> 
> What was the ex-gf’s gf Motive at the grocery store????


FFS= For F### Sake.

No idea, considered two options, 1) she's spying 2) she's interested, either way I would rather not go there I think.


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## Peter/

threelittlestars said:


> No totally NOT taking her side, taking yours and advising more (foreign policy). More tact for (YOURSELF) meaning you dont need to meet crazy with crazy, or tit for tat. If you just be honest with them they are unlikely to spin wheels, and uproot flowers in your flower beds. All i am saying is that you could have (POSSIBLY-because i dont have a crystal ball) given her NO REASON to react this way.
> 
> I think over all you have acted PERFECT, besides this side bar issue. And only YOU were bothered by the shenanigans.
> 
> I am not defending HER CRAZY, just advising to you a way to better protect yourself from it.


Thanks :grin2:

I am a little sensitive at times, especially when I feel as though there might be someone in defence of her :|

I really feel as though this working on me and being more conscious of how I am and how I feel about things is really helping me to recognise my own failings.

There are many :crying:


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## just got it 55

Peter/ said:


> Thanks :grin2:
> 
> I am a little sensitive at times, especially when I feel as though there might be someone in defence of her :|
> 
> I really feel as though this working on me and being more conscious of how I am and how I feel about things is really helping me to recognise my own failings.
> 
> There are many :crying:


Pete thats the best way to grow 

55


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## skerzoid

Hmmm, the girl friend dresses like a hooker also? Man, you could have a stable of professional escorts, and drive a big white rolls royce ( not sure what pimps drive in the UK), wear all kinds of cool clothes. Think of the possibilities. >


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## bandit.45

Peter/ said:


> I also booked a holiday to Dubai for June, I thought I would treat myself to a two week holiday in a hotel resort with palm trees and a pool.


....and Russian hookers.


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