# Giving up on my marriage



## Overit21 (Mar 2, 2015)

I have been married for 5 years and I have been miserable for the past 4 years.

Me and my wife fight about multiple times a day about petty things and I always have to be the bigger person and put the blame on myself or it will just keep escalating.
I get bossed around to do things because she is too lazy to do them herself; turn the fan on when she is right next to it. Wake me up to turn the light off every night when she passes by it to lay down while I am already asleep.

I am tired of being her emotional punching bag and slave.

To compound things even more she cannot have kids which I am ok with but I want to have kids of my own and I was willing to look past this but she is just so self centered and ungrateful.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

If you want to have children and you aren't happy in your marriage then you should get a divorce. Find someone you are more compatable with and that you can have children with.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> If you want to have children and you aren't happy in your marriage then you should get a divorce. Find someone you are more compatable with and that you can have children with.


Word.


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

As much as I hate to see marriages end yours sounds like it has some fundamental issues that suggest it would be best. Especially if you've been miserable 4 out of 5 years. Maybe she has no idea you've been miserable 4 out of 5 years. Does she know?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Overit21 said:


> I have been married for 5 years and *I have been miserable for the past 4 years.*


This alone is reason enough to get out. You're miserable.

Here are four more reasons why it's time to get out:



Overit21 said:


> Me and my wife fight multiple times a day
> 
> I get bossed around to do things because she is too lazy to do them herself
> 
> ...


And of course, the final reason is you want biological children which she cannot give you.

I agree that you should give up on it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Time to move on


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Don't let 5 years turn into 10 or more. Save your life, so you can find happiness, while you're still young.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I have to ask... Why has this been going on for 4 years???

When she asks you to turn the fan on when she's right next to it, your response should be "Honey, you're right next to it. IF you want it on, just turn it on." But instead, you jump up and turn it on. What has she learned? That no matter how insignificant the task, or how inconvenient it is for you to do, she will still ask and expect you to comply. You teach her that each and every time you comply.

So, you have put yourself into this situation. Before bailing out of the marriage try one of two things.

First, look at each of these tasks or occurrences and ask yourself if it's big enough to make a big deal over. If not, do it out of love and move on.

Or, confront her when this happens. Nicely but firmly point out why SHE should do something instead of you and see if she changes.

One thing I did was to fight fire with fire. I'd ask her to do the same types of things. For example if the remote control was between us I'd ask her to hand it to me. I'd gauge her reaction and if it was negative I'd use the same language back to her when she asked my to do something similar. If she complied with my request, I understood that it wasn't such a big deal.


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## raymond1632 (Jan 24, 2015)

Why did you marry her to begin with? Background, please.


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

She can't turn a fan on or a light off? :scratchhead:

Please, more background if you could give it to us. Clarification of details would be greatly appreciated.


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## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Not for nothing but I was on the opposite end. Instead of actually asking the person to go out of their way to get or do something, if he was going to the bathroom already I would ask for motrin for example. My thought was he's there why is it a big deal to just get it. 
That was one reason he actually told me he wanted to leave. That could be just one little thing that bothers you. You need to look deeper. Is there an underlying problem.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You're a doormat attracted to the raging queen who is most likely disordered. Narcissistic or borderline. Doesn't matter. It's hell.

Read this and tell me how much of yourself you see in it:

DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

And read this short book to change your life:

No More Mr. Nice Guy


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and your wife? At any age, her demanding behavior is not acceptable. You need to stand up for yourself and make her do things that she could. Do not jump to do things for her such as turning off the light when she is next to it. Work on your self-esteem.

As you are miserable for the past 4 years (out of 5) and have no children, I believe that it is time for you to evaluate leaving. This is not a healthy relationship for you. You deserve a better life.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Overit21 said:


> I have been married for 5 years and I have been miserable for the past 4 years.
> 
> Me and my wife fight about multiple times a day about petty things and I always have to be the bigger person and put the blame on myself or it will just keep escalating.
> I get bossed around to do things because she is too lazy to do them herself; turn the fan on when she is right next to it. Wake me up to turn the light off every night when she passes by it to lay down while I am already asleep.
> ...



OverIt- 

I tend to take phrases like- 4 out of the 5 years of our marriage has been miserable- with a grain of salt. Especially when there are only two issues that have been disclosed.

1) Your wife is unable to have kids.... were you aware of this before you married? This feels like very tough issue. 

2) Your wife making selfish demands....This is a behavior that is unacceptable, yet you have accepted this by your actions. You have the control on how you would like to be treated. 

What would you like to do about this situation? Do you want to make your marriage better or do you want justification to divorce?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

cons said:


> OverIt-
> 
> I tend to take phrases like- 4 out of the 5 years of our marriage has been miserable- with a grain of salt. Especially when there are only two issues that have been disclosed.
> 
> ...


You said #1 is a tough thing to handle. He says he would be fine with it if he wasn't being emotionally abused. 

For codependent, low-self-esteem people like him justifications for divorce have to be very very strong. He doesn't value himself enough to understand that he should actually divorce his wife solely because of #2. He needs something bigger.

I have been where he is. You know what it took for me to finally justify signing the divorce papers?

My ex wife abruptly and selfishly killing our highly anticipated and "wanted" baby at 3 months pregnant without my consent. That's what it took.

Even then, I was hesitant to divorce her. Codependent men rarely if ever have what it takes to initiate divorce. Stats don't lie.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

As others have said divorce and sooner rather than later. The only thing worse than staying in a 5 year bad marriage is staying 5 years and one day. Every day you keep putting it off and not executing is a day lost on the rest of your life


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## mjalex (Mar 5, 2015)

It seems like it's time to take your own happiness into consideration. I'm sorry you had to experience this, though I wish you satisfaction in the future.
Someone out there is ready to treat you the way you deserve. I'm not sure if there are issues that are creating this behavior of your wife, but it just doesn't seem worth it.

I believe divorce is never the first answer, though this has been going on for such a long time.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Synthetic-

I was also where he was. It took me over 14 years to leave my ex...I understand codependency is really tough to break away from.

I was asking the OP what he wants to do. 

I could take my own experience and project it on the OP (because it sounds familiar) but I'm not sure that would be helpful given the limited information. Just trying to see the whole picture.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good morning
I am a fine one too talk but "Ditch the *****" before it is too late or it eats into your life. Certainly do not consider fostering or adopting children with this lazy *****, God has probably made women infertile for some reason. Just ask her to turn out the light.

Yours

Jacko Jack


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