# I'm addicted to sex, and I need to fix it



## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

I'm just sounding off, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here with the problem.

I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing down. When I married my wife, sex slowed down a lot, but I've been working on myself to be a better person. But still I have these urges and this addictions towards sex. There are days I can't get enough of it.

I've spent a lot of time in chat rooms with other people, watching others, letting them watch me, both men and women. I do it because of the sexual rush, not because I want to see another man naked, but because the idea of it is exciting. 

I know I need help, I know I need to stop. But hopefully I'm not alone. And maybe you don't want to reply to my post, but if you want to tell me what you're going through or how you go over it, send me a PM.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Have you considered doing other activities instead? For a time I used to do skydiving and that was quite a rush. Or perhaps something more sedentary will fit the bill, like building plastic scale models.

Also does your wife know that you are watching other people doing sexual things live, and that you are having other people watch you do the same?

And are you sure it's healthy, that you are wanting to discuss such things via PM here?


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Personal said:


> Have you considered doing other activities instead? For a time I used to do skydiving and that was quite a rush. Or perhaps something more sedentary will fit the bill, like building plastic scale models.
> 
> Also does your wife know that you are watching other people doing sexual things live, and that you are having other people watch you do the same?
> 
> And are you sure it's healthy, that you are wanting to discuss such things via PM here?


All good feedback.

I've done/do other activities which helps, but I get drawn back into the other thing.

No she doesn't, which I know is a major issue

I don't know, probably not, but maybe hearing from someone else who doesn't want to talk in the open would help.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

NJHubby47 said:


> I'm just sounding off, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here with the problem.
> 
> I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing down. When I married my wife, sex slowed down a lot, but I've been working on myself to be a better person. But still I have these urges and this addictions towards sex. There are days I can't get enough of it.
> 
> ...


In another thread you said you were higher drive than your wife, but wouldn't cheat on her. Guess what, you are cheating. First and foremost stop engaging with other people on line.

I'm not sure I would tell your wife about the other people stuff, but I think you need to share your masturbation and porn issue with her. A porn/sex addiction isn't something you are likely to cure on your own. Even if you don't engage a professional, you need the support of someone you can trust, like your wife. You need someone to help keep you accountable. I've struggled with this kind of thing myself in the past, but never got the point of engaging with other people real time. It can be a hard thing to stop, like any addiction. Treat it as you would other addiction.

Here are some ideas to try.

Delete porn and bookmarks to porn on all your devices
Get rid of any physical copies of anything pornographic
Have someone else install anti-porn software on your electronic devices without giving you the password
Find an activity or two that you can turn to when the urge hits
When you have the urge to masturbate think about the negative impacts, possibly even write it down
Have someone hold you accountable (your wife maybe)
Use a journal to track setbacks and alternate activities that worked
Therapy

I wish you the best. This can be a difficult thing to overcome, but you can do it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I do see it as cheating, very much so. I do think you should also confess to your wife.
I mean when do you do this?


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I do see it as cheating, very much so. I do think you should also confess to your wife.
> I mean when do you do this?


During the day when I'm alone. It gets quiet around here and my mind wonders.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> In another thread you said you were higher drive than your wife, but wouldn't cheat on her. Guess what, you are cheating. First and foremost stop engaging with other people on line.
> 
> I'm not sure I would tell your wife about the other people stuff, but I think you need to share your masturbation and porn issue with her. A porn/sex addiction isn't something you are likely to cure on your own. Even if you don't engage a professional, you need the support of someone you can trust, like your wife. You need someone to help keep you accountable. I've struggled with this kind of thing myself in the past, but never got the point of engaging with other people real time. It can be a hard thing to stop, like any addiction. Treat it as you would other addiction.
> 
> ...


Thank you, I needed to hear this


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

NJHubby47 said:


> During the day when I'm alone. It gets quiet around here and my mind wonders.


Boredom can make you do stupid ****. I know exactly what you are talking about. I've had to personally deal with that with porn and eating in the past. Both were far worse issues when I was working from home alone. When that urge hits, do something else. Go take a walk or go hit the gym. As I recall you and your wife are overweight. You could potentially help two problems by doing that. And again, you need someone to keep you accountable. Get them to put anti-porn SW on your devices then it requires more work to feed your addiction. That extra difficulty may be enough to buy you time to find something to alleviate the urge.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

NJHubby47 said:


> I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing


LOL...you and just about every other guy on the planet.

Like many, you're just highly sexed or maybe you're hyper-sexual. There are tons of guys who would have sex 2 or 3 times a day if a woman was willing. Let's stop this 'addiction' nonsense unless you've actually been *medically diagnosed* by a qualified CSAT - and I'm guessing you haven't.

Maybe that's your first step - go see a professional and find out if you're just another typical horndog or whether you're a couple steps past that. But see a CSAT, not some therapist who isn't qualified but will happily slap the label on you (they love doing that) and give you a pamphlet for local "12-step sex addiction" meetings. You can get that unqualified 'advice' from your UPS man, so go to a qualified professional.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

NJHubby47 said:


> I'm just sounding off, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here with the problem.
> 
> I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing down. When I married my wife, sex slowed down a lot, but I've been working on myself to be a better person. But still I have these urges and this addictions towards sex. There are days I can't get enough of it.
> 
> ...


There are many support groups to join. Yourbrainonporn dot com
Nofap dot com
Facebook groups

Check out a 12 step near you. 
SA.org
Saa.org
Celebrate Recovery 

A certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT). 

Addo Recovery 
Dr Doug Weiss with Heart to Heart Counseling
Andrew Bauman


Hopefully some of these things can help get you connected. 

It will be an uphill battle but if you are committed you can have an amazing, full, connected marriage with your wife and move forward from this. Best of luck to you.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

With a lot of hard work and effort I have managed from wanting to have sex maybe 3-4 times a day to only twice a day. It wasn’t easy but somehow I did it!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Why do you need to fix it? What’s changed now?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Take anti-depressants... chemical castration. They'll wipe your drive off. If the first ones don't work, try different ones. It worked with me.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Why do you need to fix it? What’s changed now?


Because I know it's a problem. There are times I wear myself out so when the wife wants sex, I can't. Or I've masterbated so much I hurt myself.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Take anti-depressants... chemical castration. They'll wipe your drive off. If the first ones don't work, try different ones. It worked with me.


No, but hell no.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> No, but hell no.


Why not? The OP is suffering mentally too... the only problem is that he will have to have scheduled sex so he can have a little holiday from them to be able to have and enjoy his orgasms...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mmm.
well, the good news: you realize you have an addiction/problem, and if we trust you at your word, during lucid moments you want to fix it.

the bad news: jerking off to gay chats (assuming your wife has not given you a hall pass) is called cheating.

you have taken the first step, admitting u have a problem.
what to do next? i am not sure.

how about rubbing hot pepper sauce on your hands every morning, so it reminds you of your new vow when you touch yourself?

You can not sex chat with others if you do not have an account. So kill every account you have that you use to sex chat. even text sex chats. with no password, you can not get on the site.

then....i guess finding other things to do with your time? how about instead of all that time with porn and beating off, you join a gym instead, and work out 7 days a week until exhaustion? you will be TOO TIRED to be horny all the time then.

if those sort of first steps do not work...you might need counseling to help develop ways to cope


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

NJHubby47 said:


> Because I know it's a problem. There are times I wear myself out so when the wife wants sex, I can't. Or I've masterbated so much I hurt myself.


Has she given you an ultimatum?

Why are you avoiding sex with her?


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Has she given you an ultimatum?
> 
> Why are you avoiding sex with her?


I'm not avoiding sex with her, she's just at a different sex drive level then me.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

NJHubby47 said:


> Because I know it's a problem. There are times I wear myself out so when the wife wants sex, I can't. Or I've masterbated so much I hurt myself.


That is definitely a problem that needs to be addressed. I'm am not 100% anti porn/masturbation, but only if it doesn't impact the marriage. 

When cheating on your spouse, sex goes down with the spouse. You are basically engaged in an "affair" with yourself and strangers on line and depriving your wife. Not to mention you ae injuring yourself. That is not acceptable and you need to do something about it ASAP.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

NJHubby47 said:


> I'm not avoiding sex with her, she's just at a different sex drive level then me.


When you give up porn and masturbation you will find this will more than likely not be the case at all. Addiction makes you think you want it more than you do. Don't blame her drive for your decision to betray her.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

AndStilliRise said:


> When you give up porn and masturbation you will find this will more than likely not be the case at all. Addiction makes you think you want it more than you do. Don't blame her drive for your decision to betray her.


Good point


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

any chance she would give you a hall pass? 
if you have her permission, it would not be cheating, and a big portion of the guilt can go away.

there would still be some consequences, like a pretty big change to your marriage. And the possibility that she herself would want a hall pass too.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> any chance she would give you a hall pass?
> if you have her permission, it would not be cheating, and a big portion of the guilt can go away.
> 
> there would still be some consequences, like a pretty big change to your marriage. And the possibility that she herself would want a hall pass too.


She knows I masterbate, but not to what exactly. She knows I watch some porn, but she doesn't know all the details. Would she give me a hallpass? No, not to most of it. To watching porn, yes, to masterbating, yes, that already exists. But to masterbating on cam with other guys, no she wouldn't.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

NJHubby47 said:


> She knows I masterbate, but not to what exactly. She knows I watch some porn, but she doesn't know all the details. Would she give me a hallpass? No, not to most of it. To watching porn, yes, to masterbating, yes, that already exists. But to masterbating on cam with other guys, no she wouldn't.


well then i would advise NOT DOING the things you know she would not agree to you doing.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> well then i would advise NOT DOING the things you know she would not agree to you doing.


yes, agreed


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

how about things the two of you can do together. i.e. low risk to the marriage. 
If gay sex seems to turn you on, how about getting her a nice strap on, and having her peg you, for instance? With the slightest bit of imagination, that would be like actual gay sex to you....obviating the need to watch it on porn!


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## mrcool46 (Sep 22, 2021)

NJHubby47 said:


> I'm just sounding off, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here with the problem.
> 
> I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing down. When I married my wife, sex slowed down a lot, but I've been working on myself to be a better person. But still I have these urges and this addictions towards sex. There are days I can't get enough of it.
> 
> ...


Just a question - How old are you ?


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

mrcool46 said:


> Just a question - How old are you ?


47


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

351147 said:


> I'm just sounding off, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here with the problem.
> 
> I'm addicted to sex, either with my wife, by myself or well by myself online with others. I know it's wrong and I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I've done. I've always had a high sex drive, and in the past I had partners who had equal sex drives as me. And when I was without a partner I took care of myself, often, everyday. The older I got, things did change and I started slowing down. When I married my wife, sex slowed down a lot, but I've been working on myself to be a better person. But still I have these urges and this addictions towards sex. There are days I can't get enough of it.
> 
> ...


Substitute an enjoyable activity, that gets you out of the house. Become an addict of walking, for example. Or join a club. 

You can't break old habits without substituting new habits. 
Make a schedule that keeps you as much out of the house, except for making meals and bathing and sleeping until your new habits have renewed you.


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