# Feeling really blue



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey guys, there's probably not a point to my post, but I just wanted to get this out. I'm so bloody down and out, and it sucks rocks. I've been off the dating sites for awhile now, and have really been enjoying my time; it's freeing and nice to not be so busy. BUT, there are days when the loneliness creeps in, and it's awful. Today is one of those days, and I'm so damn down I physically hurt. I'm appreciating the time to get things done around home, and do things that I want to do, but I very much would like to share this with someone, and am at a point where I really doubt that'll ever happen.

Don't get me wrong, life isn't all yucky; a friend and I are planning a trip to do the El Camino and possibly Cinque Terre, both of my businesses have gone gangbusters so far this year, those close to me are healthy, and I got a raise at work. I just feel empty, and don't know how to fill the hole back up.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

So sorry. Loneliness seems to expand like yeast bread and inhabit all corners of your existence when you are as stated above. Makes you doubt your standards too sometimes. Glad you let us know. ((hugs))


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Sweetie. Sending you huge hugs. Ride it out. Life is generally good for you and I'm so glad you realize it. It will be ok. You have some great things coming down the pike: focus on those. Glad you reached out.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

I hope you feel better soon and find what you are looking for.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Loneliness is no fun. It is better than being with the wrong person, and you already know that. Be your best friend, nurture yourself, keep enjoying your friends, and keep posting. You're a fun person, and you'll meet someone who will adore and appreciate you for all your great qualities. I really admire that you aren't dating losers just so you don't have to be alone. It's great that you're taking care of yourself.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

I'm in the same boat. *hugs* I just tell myself it's all for the better.... that's it, that's all I can do. I do everything I can to avoid the rabbit holes. Hope you're in better spirits. One foot in front of the other is all we can do. In the words of Frank 🎵🎶"That's life...."🎶🎵


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys, there's probably not a point to my post, but I just wanted to get this out. I'm so bloody down and out, and it sucks rocks. I've been off the dating sites for awhile now, and have really been enjoying my time; it's freeing and nice to not be so busy. BUT, there are days when the loneliness creeps in, and it's awful. Today is one of those days, and I'm so damn down I physically hurt. I'm appreciating the time to get things done around home, and do things that I want to do, but I very much would like to share this with someone, and am at a point where I really doubt that'll ever happen.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, life isn't all yucky; a friend and I are planning a trip to do the El Camino and possibly Cinque Terre, both of my businesses have gone gangbusters so far this year, those close to me are healthy, and I got a raise at work. I just feel empty, and don't know how to fill the hole back up.


All I can do is tell you the truth, and it is not always what we want to hear. 

Of course, you have to deal with it if you have actual depression, so you have to be on the lookout for that, and do the things necessary to manage that. 

And of course, these lulls that we have can be really great if we use the time wisely to get things done, rest if necessary, and even read a book of some kind. 

But the lulls and loneliness can completely and totally suck ass... That is the actual truth. 

Yeah, we have to love ourselves and be comfortable being alone when necessary and all that, yuck, and it is all true. 

But the worst part about your situation, is that basically you have to wait... and it sucks. 

For me, I HATE being alone, I have been for short periods of time but I hate it, from a romantic perspective. Not talking about just sex either, I am talking about having someone to BE with... 

The good news and the bad news is the following: When you least expect it, that is usually when you meet a great love in your life. Yeah, people say that is crap, but I really believe it. 

It happened to me, and people that I know, at a time that I absolutely thought I was just going to be sleeping around with random women for the rest of my life. Frankly, I was starting to doubt that real love like in the books and movies existed. 

So I am just hanging out, chilling, and BOOM here comes love like a bolt of lightning... 

Now I believe all the corny stuff because it happened to me...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Damn! I was going to send you a hunk in a trunk via Amazon but the order got misplaced!

Internet hugs, love and best wishes will have to do.

I'm really sorry sweetheart!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Ursula, 

You know who was the strongest character in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's book One Hundred Years of Solitude, Ursula, while the men failed her, she gained strengthen in their failure, she was the one who kept the town alive with her businesses, yes she felt alone at times but even in that she gain strengthen........sometimes life bestows what we need for now and not necessarily what we want. But don't give up.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I’m right there with you sister 

I have wondered a lot lately if I’m ready for a relationship though. I mean...if being by myself is bugging me this bad, maybe I’m still to codependent? Maybe I still haven’t processed enough yet?

My dogs are great listeners but they don’t offer much feedback. lol They do give great kisses and keep my feet warm 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Holy cow, thanks guys. I don't have many people that I can really talk to in real life, so it's nice to have a sounding board here. I'm still feeling blah, and really need to start taking better care of myself, but it'll come. Maybe this weekend, the dogs and I will recharge, since it's supposed to be bloody cold, even by Alberta standards, and goody, a foot of snow. So my stress relief and cardio will be shovelling.
@sunsetmist, it really has made me doubt my standards ("gee, maybe all I'm worth is something casual."). I know I'm worth more, but that's where my mind is at right now. Just need to keep fighting those thoughts.
@lucy999, every time a negative thought comes through my head, I picture the El Camino and hiking with a girlfriend. Been thinking so much that I have the nearly whole damn trip planned in my head! 

@Auaucaria, oh yes, I know that very well, and looking back, I'm still in a much happier place. And, I keep reminding myself that there someone out there who'll genuinely want to be with me with no questions and no hesitations. As for dating losers, I have been hanging out with that exBF, which I know is bad. It's so damn hard to let go of someone completely though, when they still have your heart. And, it's hard to move on then too. I spoke some truths to him the other day though, and he got upset. I don't blame him; what I said wasn't nice, but it was the truth and he needed to hear that. 

Hugs to @Zodiac and @Elizabeth001, I feel for you guys, and hope you get out of the slump soon, too! Liz, I had that same codependency thought as well. Hey, my dogs are fantastic listeners, especially if I throw in a key word now and then: chicken, kong, walk… 
@BluesPower, I agree completely, and what I'm feeling has nothing to do with sex either. It's all about the emotional closeness that a relationship brings, and having someone to just be with quietly.
@ConanHub, a hunk in a trunk, hey? Thanks for the laugh!
@Lostinthought61, I googled that book, and it sounds really interesting.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Dear, I wonder if there's a correlation between your feeling blue and hanging out with exBF? something to ponder.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

lucy999 said:


> Dear, I wonder if there's a correlation between your feeling blue and hanging out with exBF? something to ponder.


I wonder is you guys in the frozen wasteland up there just get depressed because? 

I cannot imagine...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

A lot of the problem is that we fear loneliness and see it as an adversary instead of accepting it as a tool to focus.

I've always felt that loneliness is not that we cannot find the right thing to fill the gap, it is that we have too many things confusing us as we feel panicked to solve a puzzle with the pieces of the picture facing down.

Japanese poet Ryokan says, “If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things.”

Sometimes the best things happen when you aren't looking for them... trust the doors of process to do their thing and accept the opening and closing as they come.

The ex has closed... stop checking the handle and let it complete.

Of course, both Calgary and Edmonton have great places to meditate and help you attain that... :wink2:


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

lucy999 said:


> Dear, I wonder if there's a correlation between your feeling blue and hanging out with exBF? something to ponder.


Lucy, you're onto the truth there. I keep telling myself that someday, I'll meet a man who makes me smile and laugh more than cry.
@Emerging Buddhist, you speak good words, or rather, you type them. Lots to think about there, thanks for that. Yes, there are fantastic meditation getaways in the Rockies!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It sad that its so difficult for lonely people to find each other and not be lonely anymore.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. 

I have a friend who was going through something very similar and hurt me to see her so down. No amount of you will meet the right person eventually helped much. However, less than a month after having a very tearful conversation with her, she changed her job and appears to have met the man of her dreams. It was completely out of the blue, when she least expected it and had basically given up.

I urge you to not only lean on friends but go out and make new ones. We meet people through people. 

Best wishes to you x


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Best case-You're with someone who loves you and is giving as you are

Worst case-Being in bad relationship where it sucks the life out of your soul

Middle ground-Being alone.

It's hard at times. I was there. Went to college, lived at home to save $. Didn't move out after college

because mom asked me to stick around....pop died six weeks before graduation. Little bit over year

later met XW. Moved in with her (she would give me liquor just so I couldn't drive). 15+ years later....

it ended. My post-D gf moved in sooner than I wanted but she made it similar to Wonderland.

Then her bandages fell off. From late 2014 to about a year ago, I lived alone. First time in my life.

Early 40s. It was weird, took awhile to get used to. But I began to cherish it. Watching West Coast baseball games

until 1AM, sorting vintage baseball cards in my bedroom, in my underwear, eating lasagna. 

I knew I would not give up my freedom without a fight. Several squatters tried, all failed.

Met current g/f almost two years ago. She moved in last year. She had to be worthy for me to give

up my freedom. OP.... when it's time, you'll know.

And I have always stated....When you look for a LTR, everyone thinks you have rabies. When you stop

looking, it just finds you.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I got the thing in the photo back in December 2017, the same day that I signed off on the financial portion of our divorce. I got it as a reminder that things happen for a reason. We may not know the reason off the start, but it becomes apparent in time. My marriage wasn't fun, and divorce sucks no matter how amicable it is. I got it on my inside forearm so that it would be a daily reminder in case I ever forgot. Lately, all I've seen is the dark. I guess I just need to look down to remember the light.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Am I the only one actually cherishing my Me Time?

I'm not a sociopath or mad scientist or introvert genius or what not. It's just that I'm at peace with my alone self. 

There are times where being alone does hurt, especially when you do things you used to do together. Going to Costco is a classic example. But, it's for the better. She's happier, I'm happier, etc.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

john117 said:


> Am I the only one actually cherishing my Me Time?
> 
> I'm not a sociopath or mad scientist or introvert genius or what not. It's just that I'm at peace with my alone self.
> 
> There are times where being alone does hurt, especially when you do things you used to do together. Going to Costco is a classic example. But, it's for the better. She's happier, I'm happier, etc.


Omg I LOVE COSTCO SO MUCH


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> Omg I LOVE COSTCO SO MUCH


Pick your warehouse location and it's a date 

Now the sample ladies are asking what happened to the wife...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

john117 said:


> Now the sample ladies are asking what happened to the wife...


That didn't take long. Fresh meat!

I'm not a drinker but my gosh the booze selection is pretty impressive in my neck of the woods. Especially the wine.


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## Pac-Man (Jun 5, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m right there with you sister
> 
> I have wondered a lot lately if I’m ready for a relationship though. I mean...if being by myself is bugging me this bad, maybe I’m still to codependent? Maybe I still haven’t processed enough yet?


Humans are social animals. Feeling loneliness when you lack emotional connection is as normal as feeling thirsty when your body need water.

Saying that we should learn to build a happy life alone may sometime be a useful pep talk. But often, I perceive people who say that they are happy alone as either eccentric or posturing.

If we didn't feel pain when we touch something hot we would burn ourselves all the time. The pain is necessary. Loneliness when alone is normal and healthy. Nobody should think that they are weak if they have the feeling.

I am sure both of you will find the connections you need.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Can I make a suggestion, if you're not already doing it? Would you consider volunteering somewhere? Dog shelter, retirement home, food pantry, tutoring kids? You'll make great friends, do some wonderful stuff, and if you do the dog shelter, get some lovin' to go along with it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> That didn't take long. Fresh meat!
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not a drinker but my gosh the booze selection is pretty impressive in my neck of the woods. Especially the wine.


The Florence KY Costco has an unbelievable selection of bourbon...


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

turnera said:


> Can I make a suggestion, if you're not already doing it? Would you consider volunteering somewhere? Dog shelter, retirement home, food pantry, tutoring kids? You'll make great friends, do some wonderful stuff, and if you do the dog shelter, get some lovin' to go along with it.


I actually used to volunteer at a rescue society, doing photography and graphic design stuff. It was enjoyable, but didn't really connect with a lot of people, but the critters were great! These days, I keep busy with my full time job, and I also do pet care after work. I may look into volunteering for something in my city though!


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