# I feel so alone and lost



## Snowqueen (Jan 11, 2008)

Okay- where to start. This is hard enough since I don't really talk about my problems with anyone but my best friend and family. I've been married for almost 3 years, and I've realized that I'm no longer in love with my husband. I don't think my husband is inlove with me anymore either. We love each other to pieces and care about each other dearly, but we've grown apart due to a number of reasons. 

He and I are different in every single way, and we don't have anything in common. It's hard to do stuff together apart from watching movies and having sex. And since the romance part has pretty much died, I have no real to desire to have sex (which hurts both sides and makes us drift farther apart). So what is left is friends who are married to each other. We don't have kids, thank heavens, but I don't know what to do. Part of me wants out of it, and another part wants to make it work, but I'm having trouble finding any motivation. 

There's been some emotional abuse which has left scars on me, and I constantly have to try and pull myself out of depression. I try to fix the problem by letting my husband know what I need from him, and he says he'll change, changes for about 24-48 hours, and then reverts right back to the old style. We're going to probably try marriage counseling, and hopefully that will help. But I just wanted to ask other opinions...how can you stay in a marriage if you don't love the person anymore? I sort of want to leave and start anew, but it would kill me to hurt him because I care so much about him. Frustration, depression, and loss of motivation. Any thoughts?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Until I hit the part where you said emotional abuse I would have given you a hundred things to help.

I think you clearly pointed out the real problem. Without his total and complete change of being abusive in nature your relationship will never get better and often get worse. If he doesn't change or fails to go to counciling then get out of the marriage.

draconis


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## Snowqueen (Jan 11, 2008)

We are going to go to counseling, and I've realized that the emotional abuse was a major part of the problem. How can you love someone that makes you feel bad about yourself? So basically I'm re-doing all of my mistakes. It's partly my fault for not calling him on his hurtful comments. Whenever he said something mean or bluntly rude, instead of nipping it in the bud, and bringing it to his attention, I sat there and sulked instead. Now I see this didn't solve anything. He didn't know he'd done anything wrong, and my love for him just dwindled slowly and quietly without warning. So now, I'm trying to catch him on any mean comment and not let him get away with it. Make him think about it, and make him realize how hurtful it can come across. I think this is going to be very helpful. I'm so unconfrontational though, it's going to be really hard to do. We both need to make some drastic changes.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Snowqueen said:


> We are going to go to counseling, and I've realized that the emotional abuse was a major part of the problem. How can you love someone that makes you feel bad about yourself? .


Good question as I see many people ask it.

Most people don't start off with abusive behavior. So when it starts the person who is being abused remembers the good times and think that they can get back to par when the relationship was good.

The more abuse one suffers the more a person thinks they need to get the abuser back to the original level as they take the blame for what the other prson is doing.

draconis


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