# husband has drug & alcohol addiction... I don't know what to do



## aquajay

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and I have been feeling that I can't remain in this marriage any longer. He has an drinking problem & over the last 6 months, he has been lying 2 me so I have snooped. I found cocaine, an oxy pill, weed, cigarettes (he "quit" 5 years ago) and mushrooms. He hasn't done this stuff around me and I should mention I have never done frogs or smoked. I have expressed 2 him that I don't want any of this crap in my life! 

He has been behaving like a teenager lately, and been someone else. I feel like I don't know who he is anymore & my only option is 2 leave him. I confronted him about it after finding the coke & he says it was a one time thing. he says the pill came from our loser drug dealer neighbour who rented the house beside us for a couple of months. He has been lying about money and isn't telling me anything. He has had time away from home with the guys, and a couple of work conferences. and that's when he's done stuff.

He has been so moody, irritable and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me. major mental health issues run in his family, so my mind is all over the place trying to figure this out. I know it's up 2 him to sort this out, I just wonder what I can do to help him? he says he booked an appointment to see a counsellor and the doctor. I am not sure I believe him cuz of all the lies! I know I can't help someone that won't help themselves.

We both work lots, have a house and children who need us 2 figure this out! I don't know what to do and feel stuck. help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ms. GP

It sounds like your husband does have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to save him until he bits his bottom. Trust me. I speak from experience. I think the fact that he is willing to go to a doctor and a counselor is a step in the right direction.

I can only speak for myself so I will share what has been working for me for the past six months. I went to inpatient and outpatient treatment. I am actively working a 12 step recovery program. I go to meetings about 4 times a week, call my sponsor daily, and am actively working the steps with her. I am not a fan of drug replacement programs( methadone, suboxone, etc) For me, I had to be completely free of all chemicals to clear my thinking and do the work on myself to get better. So far, it has been wonderful. I am the happiest I have ever been. Addiction is a disease that must be fought on a daily basis, but it can be arrested if one is willing to follow this simple yet extremely difficult way of life. 

I hope this helps. My prayers are with you guys. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi

aquajay said:


> I should mention I have never done frogs or smoked.


Glad to hear you never did a frog, but not sure how that's relevant.


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## aquajay

lenzi said:


> Glad to hear you never did a frog, but not sure how that's relevant.


sorry, that was an auto-correction error on my phone... I meant drugs, not frogs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acoa

Lick frogs, do drugs, meh, it's all bad. 

Ms. GP is right, he needs to want the help. All you can do is try to let him feel the consequences of his choices. He is exposing your kids to illegal activity. What would have happened if a cop found those drugs instead of you?

He is being abusive, it's time to kick him out. A simple step would be to let him know that if you find any illegal drugs at the house or in your vehicle, you will report it to the police. He will either have to stop bringing that crap into your home, or will be spending the night in jail.

If it's a small amount or 1st time offense, most judges won't send him to jail. But they will require a rehab program. Even though it may not save your marriage, maybe you can save his life and enable him to be there for your kids in the future..


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## Dustball

We went through a horrible addiction process with a relative, and I can tell you there is only one way to go about this. I can sugest you give him an ultimatum, leave him or turn a blind eye, whatever, I don't want to sound patronizing, but it is IMPERATIVE that you go to al-anon. I know, why should you go if he's the one with the problem? Actually, when you have someone in the family with an addiction, in most cases, the entire family is ill. For every addict, there is at least one co-dependent allowing and sometimes enabling the addiction. I am not saying it is your case, maybe the mother, friends, a brother, I don't know, but addicts usually hit rock bottom and seek help when they have absolutely no one to turn to to continue the addiction.

Al-anon will help you determine wether you are an enabler or not, in case that you are, they will help you stop being one, and take off your shoulders the many responsabilities that are his to bear, not yours.

This is for you, and it will do you tons of good.

Now, as for him, you cannot allow your children to grow up next to drugs and alcohol, he is a terrible example, and if he is becoming abusive with you, it's only a matter of time before this continues with your children. You can either kick him out, give him an ultimatum or call the cops if he refuses to leave. In any case, no one is obligated to take abuse, and for your own good, and that of your children, he needs to go until he is well. Don't think about divorce, just a separation, see if he can pull his act together. But please don't stay in this relationship without any changes, things will not miraculously fix themselves, and they will only get worse.

As for the drugs that belong to everyone but him, that's teenager excuse.


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## chazmataz3

ALANON has a hotline you can call. look it up in the yellow pages or online in your area. 26 years of experience. that's how you help him by helping yourself/


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## LorenzoP

Ms. GP is right. This is the truth. What you can do is look up Al Anon and also get info from Hazelton. They have many great books!
Hazelden -- Addiction Treatment Center
Good luck! Life is a journey but when an addiction comes along then you are in for a real ride unfortunately.


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## movealong

Agree with Ms. GP.

I encourage you to seek help through AlAnon.


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