# 37 years old and sudden increase in libido



## HappyGilmore

Hi ladies, I'm hoping you can shed some light on this little issue of mine. 
I'm a 37 year old married to a 44 year old very hot man. I'm in graduate school, we have two teenagers, I'm petite, in excellent shape, and can pass for a 25 year old any day (at least, that's what everyone tells me). I've always had a high drive, but lately, in the last couple of months, it's gone through the roof. It's utter madness--I thought I was a complete horn-dog 10 years ago, but that was nothing compared to now! 
We've always had excellent chemistry. I'm a dominant with some switchiness, and he is a sub-switch, so we are highly compatible. When we first got together, it was fireworks, along with some wonderfully kinky times. We went through a rough patch where it was just us against the world, along raising our kids, so we were both happy with 2-3 days a week of vanilla-style. But now that's not enough for me. He's happy with 4 times a week, and I would prefer 6-7 days a week with some bonus "extras" on the days he is not busy with work and I am not busy writing my thesis. I would also like to reintroduce a few "chocolate chips" into our vanilla ice-cream,  but I know I should take it slow as it has been several years.
My poor husband is getting worn out by my constant ministrations, and I'm afraid that he has sustained a mild back injury as a result (as Dave Barry would say: no, I am not making this up). He has said that he thinks I'm the sexiest thing in the world, that he adores me and wants to please me, but his back pain and energy level are catching up with him.
What to do, what to do? Have any of you fellow ladies experienced this sudden uptick in sexual drive? And what did you do about it?
Also, are there any exercises you can recommend to help my dear husband with his back pain? We are both in great shape, but I worry that if we do not get on top of it, that this may cause problems with work and recreation. And I will go absolutely insane due to lack of sex...:bang head:
Thank you in advance for your help.


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## EleGirl

I've heard a lot about women experiencing an increase in their sex diver at about your age. It's not unusual apparently.

Mine has always been high and stable... daily has always been my preference.


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## SimplyAmorous

I can relate, have spoken about this so many times here.. pretty much why I landed here. Didn't happen to me till age 42, after our last son was born though. I went from being occupied with other things, always loved sex but not paramount on the brain .. to suddenly wanting it like 3 times a day (my H is 3 yrs older) .. but he could not keep up with that !! 

I questioned his desire, I even had his Testosterone checked - it was normal but on the lower end.. 

I caused him some performance pressure, we had to wade through that , my 1st threads were asking how to get him more dominant in bed (something I never cared about before but wanted all of a sudden).. Porn became electric to me, so we rented it.. I felt like suddenly I stepped into the body of a puberty stricken horn dog male and what they deal with (boy did I have compassion for High drivers having experienced this !)...

I really felt like something in me was caged.. and the doors suddenly swung open... and I was let out.. 

Unlike yourself, I had some inhibitions..(ridiculous at this age & after kids)... it's like everything we never tried or even thought about , I suddenly HAD to experience, I bought a # of books on sex, hormones, how to please a man.. went on a lingerie kick.. felt I had this renewed confidence...I was on cloud 9 when I was getting it....

I was bound & determined to make up for those years where I feel we missed each other in some of these ways...

My husband was THRILLED with all of this, even though he couldn't keep up.. it really drew up closer and we learned things about ourselves we wasn't tuned into ..I bought this book on Mismatched Libidos.. this was eye opening to me - to understand our sexual dynamics better...

When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life 

..It's been a great ride.. that "insane drive" only lasted for 8 months for me (antsy, unrelenting, I wanted to attack him - didn't need a drop of foreplay -ready to go!).... but on the heels of that, we're still enjoying each other A LOT.. and that was 5 yrs ago now..

Here is an older thread talking about this.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/43267-i-cant-stop-thinking-about-sex.html


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## over20

HappyGilmore said:


> Hi ladies, I'm hoping you can shed some light on this little issue of mine.
> I'm a 37 year old married to a 44 year old very hot man. I'm in graduate school, we have two teenagers, I'm petite, in excellent shape, and can pass for a 25 year old any day (at least, that's what everyone tells me). I've always had a high drive, but lately, in the last couple of months, it's gone through the roof. It's utter madness--I thought I was a complete horn-dog 10 years ago, but that was nothing compared to now!
> We've always had excellent chemistry. I'm a dominant with some switchiness, and he is a sub-switch, so we are highly compatible. When we first got together, it was fireworks, along with some wonderfully kinky times. We went through a rough patch where it was just us against the world, along raising our kids, so we were both happy with 2-3 days a week of vanilla-style. But now that's not enough for me. He's happy with 4 times a week, and I would prefer 6-7 days a week with some bonus "extras" on the days he is not busy with work and I am not busy writing my thesis. I would also like to reintroduce a few "chocolate chips" into our vanilla ice-cream,  but I know I should take it slow as it has been several years.
> My poor husband is getting worn out by my constant ministrations, and I'm afraid that he has sustained a mild back injury as a result (as Dave Barry would say: no, I am not making this up). He has said that he thinks I'm the sexiest thing in the world, that he adores me and wants to please me, but his back pain and energy level are catching up with him.
> What to do, what to do? Have any of you fellow ladies experienced this sudden uptick in sexual drive? And what did you do about it?
> Also, are there any exercises you can recommend to help my dear husband with his back pain? We are both in great shape, but I worry that if we do not get on top of it, that this may cause problems with work and recreation. And I will go absolutely insane due to lack of sex...:bang head:
> Thank you in advance for your help.


Welcome to TAM and congrats on becoming a new member of the " I wear out my husband" club!!! Has he gotten raw yet??  j/k

Can he see his chiropractor for the pain? Is it certain positions that are worse/better for him. Would it be possible to give him oral on top of having sex with him to satisfy your yearnings.....I hit my peek about 32 and it has never went down....


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## larry.gray

My wife hit hers at 39. Still going strong over a year later. 

Fortunately I have an insane drive so I just keep up, having a good time along the way.


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## notmyrealname4

HappyGilmore said:


> My poor husband is getting worn out by my constant ministrations, and I'm afraid that he has sustained a mild back injury as a result . . .
> . . . his back pain and energy level are catching up with him.
> . . . .
> Also, are there any exercises you can recommend to help my dear husband with his back pain?


It sounds like you will have to be on top most of the time.

(My husband also has back issues.)

If he enjoys exercising, there are tons of books/DVD's etc. that teach you how to strengthen your back.

But if he has a real serious back problem, it's best to see a doctor just to rule out something like a slipped disc.

Good luck.


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## HappyGilmore

Thank you all again for your responses. At least I know that I am not alone in this. 
My husband has found a few exercises that have worked in relieving the tension in his back. He does not seem to have the symptoms of a herniate disc--shooting pains one or both legs, etc. He thinks that it may be nothing more than muscle tension, and is going to work on his core strength. Alas, our lower backs were not made for our modern lifestyle of sitting or standing around too much.
I also gave him a good back rub, which led to other things because I did it wearing nothing but heels...  He confessed that he may start faking back pain if he could get me to do that again. I told him that he need only ask--nicely--and I would be very happy to oblige. 
Also, it appears in the last several days that his own libido has been increasing--he has been grabbing my rear end almost every chance he gets. Good news for me! Perhaps he won't be so worn out after all.


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## BostonBruins32

Congrats to you Happy! Your husband is a lucky man. 

My wife's sexual attraction to me is at ground zero, she's 30. Maybe she'll see a spike in a few years. If I could find a way to hide her Ipad or have our cable provider cancel HGTV, I may be able to convince her more often. Oh well.


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## homedepot

I know the feeling. I wear my poor wife out as well but what is the alternative? It has to go some where right?


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## Jellybeans

I think the thirties is known for it. My libido is seriously off the hook sometimes. It's a wonder I don't starting humping hot men when I see them (kidding, I have self-control). So I just have sex with them with my eyes.



Embrace it!

Talk to your husband about it. And if his back is injured, perhaps you can spend some time downstairs, helping him out, ifyouknowwhatImean.


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## TheCuriousWife

I am like that now in my 20's. I seriously fear for my husband if I get this talked about crazy jump in my 30'd or 40's. I think he would just die. And not in a good way. 

I know it stinks when your husband can't keep up. But it sounds like you have a good man. :smthumbup:


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## Anonymous07

TheCuriousWife said:


> I am like that now in my 20's. I seriously fear for my husband if I get this talked about crazy jump in my 30'd or 40's. I think he would just die. And not in a good way.
> 
> I know it stinks when your husband can't keep up. But it sounds like you have a good man. :smthumbup:


I'm right there with you Curious. My husband already says that "all you think about is sex", since I have a higher drive than him. 

Chiropractic work is great for helping with back pain, or if it is just muscle related then stretches will relieve that. Depending on the position, you can make things easier on him, too.


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## Mr. Nail

In general walking is great for most back problems. With this exception if it hurts, stop.


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## ladymisato

I have a suggestion: have you tried marital aids, aka sex toys?


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## HappyGilmore

Thank you again for all of your responses. 

You are absolutely right, Mr. Nail, that walking helps. In fact, it is only when he is standing around at work for too long, or sitting too much, that his back gets the better of him. We have taken to going for a walk every evening, which has helped in that department.

Lady Misanto, I have attempted to use a vibrator, but when doing this alone, I feel like I'm getting a transvaginal ultrasound or the strangest pelvic exam, ever--not pleasurable at all. However, having him use these implements on me is much better--of course, it always ends up with us having sex anyway...

We recently had a stretch of over ten days in a row of sex every day, and he had no complaints--in fact, he has stated: "I always enjoy having sex with you. Always." Now he is out of town on business, and I feel like I will completely lose my poor mind before he returns! :rofl:


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## ladymisato

HappyGilmore said:


> Lady Misanto, I have attempted to use a vibrator, but when doing this alone, I feel like I'm getting a transvaginal ultrasound or the strangest pelvic exam, ever--not pleasurable at all. However, having him use these implements on me is much better--of course, it always ends up with us having sex anyway...


I definitely had in mind mutual participation focused on you.

I am curious, why does it always end up with sex anyway? Is he more eager than his back allows or just into the spirit of the moment or is it simply that he assumes that the toy is foreplay only and not the main event?

There are many other toys you might explore with him, see goodvibrations.com, for example. You might enjoy shopping with him there. Be creative and enjoy your blessing!


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## samyeagar

ladymisato said:


> *I definitely had in mind mutual participation focused on you.*
> 
> I am curious, why does it always end up with sex anyway? Is he more eager than his back allows or just into the spirit of the moment or is it simply that he assumes that the toy is foreplay only and not the main event?
> 
> There are many other toys you might explore with him, see goodvibrations.com, for example. You might enjoy shopping with him there. Be creative and enjoy your blessing!


Oh the subtleties creeping in...LM...I'm sure that's EXACTLY what you had in mind 

My wife and I are 39 and 42 and have had sex 10-15 times a week since we met over two years ago, and I am honestly concerned that this is NOT a perimenopausal spike because I am not sure how much more than that I would be able to handle 

We've talked about her drive, and she's never experienced anything lie it before in her life, not even close, but unless that spike started at exactly the same time we started dating, and has continued...I'm going to have the ride of my life on my hands...


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## HappyGilmore

ladymisato said:


> I definitely had in mind mutual participation focused on you.
> 
> I am curious, why does it always end up with sex anyway? Is he more eager than his back allows or just into the spirit of the moment or is it simply that he assumes that the toy is foreplay only and not the main event?
> 
> There are many other toys you might explore with him, see goodvibrations.com, for example. You might enjoy shopping with him there. Be creative and enjoy your blessing!


Whenever we engage in this practice, he says "it's driving me crazy to see you like this," so I suppose that yes, he is more eager than his back allows AND he gets caught up in the moment. Fortunately, his back has slowly been improving since we have started talking a walk every evening after dinner, and he has been stretching more. 

Thank you for the website, I will look at it with him when he returns from his business trip. If I do it now, it will only feed my filthy mind and therefore may result in some kind of madness that I do not need right now (my next semester in grad school starts next week--must...maintain...decorum).


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## U.E. McGill

Best way to get a mans testosterone up and get his back in shape, lift some heavy shît. Having poor core strength can lead to back problems. Back squat, overhead press, planks, hand stand push ups, muscle ups and many more are things that promote core strength and mass. I mean lifter in shape not runner in shape. 

Not to mention there's something to be said about picking your wife up and tossing her like a rag doll. I got in great shape this year. Strong like bull. I can go 3x's a day and I'm 42


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## ladymisato

samyeagar said:


> Oh the subtleties creeping in...LM...I'm sure that's EXACTLY what you had in mind
> 
> My wife and I are 39 and 42 and have had sex 10-15 times a week since we met over two years ago, and I am honestly concerned that this is NOT a perimenopausal spike because I am not sure how much more than that I would be able to handle
> 
> We've talked about her drive, and she's never experienced anything lie it before in her life, not even close, but unless that spike started at exactly the same time we started dating, and has continued...I'm going to have the ride of my life on my hands...


So long as the man is only lower drive and not no drive, these is very easily fixed. You just need to let go of the assumption of equitable orgasm distribution. Be more creative and, as the husband, giving.


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## SimplyAmorous

U.E. McGill said:


> Best way to get a mans testosterone up and get his back in shape, lift some heavy shît. Having poor core strength can lead to back problems. Back squat, overhead press, planks, hand stand push ups, muscle ups and many more are things that promote core strength and mass. I mean lifter in shape not runner in shape.
> 
> Not to mention there's something to be said about picking your wife up and tossing her like a rag doll. I got in great shape this year. Strong like bull. I can go 3x's a day and I'm 42


I bought this book...Built for Sex: The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Program for Maximum Performance: Books.. Printed out the exercises for my husband when he was 45.. he did these for a while - when I was wanting it 3 times a day. ...but I can't say it did much at all... if anything.. His wanting to get more aggressive or signs of higher test.. not there.. he remained the same ... 

We did get his Test checked.. it was normal but lower end for men his age.. it is what it is.. he doesn't need Treatment.. he is always in a good mood and willing... at age 50 -it will never be more than once a day for us.. unless he pops an erection pill...but I have calmed my jets.. so this is not necessary.

I also bought this... The Hardness Factor (TM): How to Achieve Your Best Health and Sexual Fitness at Any Age: Books 

I was on a mission 5 yrs ago.. we did keep things going pretty nicely but nothing like Samyeagar up there !

God be with you when SHE SPIKES !!


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## ladymisato

HappyGilmore said:


> Whenever we engage in this practice, he says "it's driving me crazy to see you like this," so I suppose that yes, he is more eager than his back allows AND he gets caught up in the moment. Fortunately, his back has slowly been improving since we have started talking a walk every evening after dinner, and he has been stretching more.


This still sounds ambiguous but if, as you seem to imply, he is excited by seeing you orgasm (not at all unusual) then another way to address the back problem is for you to do more of the work, i.e. try the riding position with rocking motions.


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## SimplyAmorous

ladymisato said:


> So long as the man is only lower drive and not no drive, these is very easily fixed. You just need to let go of the assumption of equitable orgasm distribution. Be more creative and, as the husband, giving.


This is very true....and how we rolled.. I much enjoyed revving his engine & introducing new ideas, places...using seduction..

It wasn't often but there were times - I got mine and it just wasn't going to happen for him...but he was good with that ..although this bothered me 5 yrs ago...(that 1st time I felt this sadness wash over me -when he told me he could wait till the next day, I didn't LIKE IT ~ I wanted him to WANT HIS TOO!)...

I have since learned to appreciate his giving spirit, knowing he wants to be there .... and will happily take the "Buy one -get one " way of looking at this.. this just means he will be a little more Horny the next round and I have a GREAT appreciation for that !


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## ladymisato

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is very true....and how we rolled.. I much enjoyed revving his engine & introducing new ideas, places...using seduction..
> 
> It wasn't often but there were times - I got mine and it just wasn't going to happen for him...but he was good with that ..although this bothered me 5 yrs ago...(that 1st time I felt this sadness wash over me -when he told me he could wait till the next day, I didn't LIKE IT ~ I wanted him to WANT HIS TOO!)...
> 
> I have since learned to appreciate his giving spirit, knowing he wants to be there .... and will happily take the "Buy one -get one " way of looking at this.. this just means he will be a little more Horny the next round and I have a GREAT appreciation for that !


Very well put. I should have added: as the wife, accepting (and appreciating) of his giving.


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## samyeagar

ladymisato said:


> So long as the man is only lower drive and not no drive, these is very easily fixed. You just need to let go of the assumption of equitable orgasm distribution. Be more creative and, as the husband, giving.


I've never worked under the assumption of equitable orgasm distribution, or more specifically EQUAL distribution as in one for one...big difference with equitable...sex should not be a zero sum game.

I know myself sexually and how I work, and how to use my wife's body for my maximum pleasure, and that in turn has helped turn her into an orgasm machine because I don't have to focus on myself but rather her, and we are both extremely satisfied. The O distribution is probably 3-1 or so in her favor so not equal, but as far as satisfaction...very equitable.


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## HappyGilmore

ladymisato said:


> This still sounds ambiguous but if, as you seem to imply, he is excited by seeing you orgasm (not at all unusual) then another way to address the back problem is for you to do more of the work, i.e. try the riding position with rocking motions.


Apologies for the ambiguity. You are correct that he is excited by seeing me orgasm, and things progress from there into sexual intercourse. For my part, I will make more of a conscious effort to roll him onto his back in order for me to do "more of the work." Hard to do when I'm still in the afterglow phase, but I have found that when I do take the top position, I will typically have more orgasms.


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