# Husband discusses depression...



## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

But not with me. I was kinda shocked. We were at a family picnic on July 4th and he was talking with my aunt (who's pretty much our contemporary, age-wise). He was telling her how he used to be on Zoloft (before I met him) for a couple of years but then just took himself off it because it not only eliminated all the lows but also the highs. He told her he still has days when he's very "low" but doesn't want to take any meds because of the side effects.

He's never mentioned this to me. I know he's not happy with his job situation since he got laid off 3 years ago. He's struggling to make it independently as a self-employed consultant. He's not a high energy, ambitious kinda guy to begin with; very laid back. I know when he's feeling unhappy with things but this still surprised me. And he's never mentioned it to me directly. I'm sure one of the reasons he doesn't want an antidepressant is because of the libido-killing effect. 

BUT as a result, I've been depressed as hell today. I know it's not MY FAULT but I still feel like it means I'm not doing my job; I'm not "keeping him happy." I *know* it's not ME but I still feel like I failed on the job.  

I want to talk to him about it but I don't want to make him feel worse.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Aw, honey. Sometimes it's easier to discuss really big life issue things with someone who's not so close. Counterintuitive, I know, but it's true.

I'm glad she told you. Now you know a little more. And it's not your job to keep a depressed person happy.

I think you can tell him, gently, that you know he's on antidepressants, and that you are so proud of him for taking charge of his mental health.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Thanks, lamaga.  He's NOT on antidepressants right now but if he wants to be, I want him to know that if he thinks it's appropriate right now, it's ok with me. I know it's a libido killer but I'd rather he be happy(ier).


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

A few points. Sometimes a wife is in a tough position. 

I wouldn't belabor things, but I would tell him something like this. Honey, I appreciate all you do to work for our family and I want you to know I am hear for you to talk. If I haven't been as supportive as I could be, I'll try to be. 

Men tend not to want to talk about things. They want to be respected not pitied. 

Note too, a little old-fashioned loving can help; for women, depression usually lessens sexual desire but it can have varying impact among men.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

So, you never knew about his having taken anti-depressants until just now?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I'm kinda like your husband in a way. I've suffered from periodic depression for a very long time but I never discuss it with the women I've been close to either. It's a side of me that I keep to myself and even though relationships are supposed to be open, depression is very contagious as you can already see. And so I "shield" from that side of me.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

I did know that he was on anti-depressants in the past. He is not currently taking any. What surprised me is his telling my aunt that he has low periods and he made it sound like he still considers himself depressed (my impression,not his statement) but he doesn't want to take medications (side effects = decreased libido and inability to orgasm). 

I guess I tend to take ownership of problems that aren't mine and what *I* hear is "I'm not happy" and I feel like I'm not doing my job as his wife and companion. So it's my problem more than his. 

Thank you for your input, all.


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