# My husband has a low sex drive but watches a lot of porn.



## Baylorn (Jul 19, 2015)

I'm very confused by this. I don't at all mind porn and would normally not care if he watches, but our entire relationship he's had a low sex drive. He rarely wants to have sex and when He does its as if its a chore he's bothered with. The TV is on and there's zero romance.. all ten minutes of it. But I noticed he watches a lot of porn on his phone. What? When I asked about this he says he just watches for fun and doesn't masterbate. I'm utterly confused. Can anyone shine any light on this?


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## Baylorn (Jul 19, 2015)

If it makes any difference, I'm 32 he's 28 and we've been married for a year and a half.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Time to change your views on porn.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

How was your sex life prior to marriage? How is the relationship as a whole?

I am inclined to not entirely believe that he does not masturbate. Even though masturbation is not entirely as satisfying as intercourse, research does show that masturbation does expend hormones that can be expended into sex with a partner.

For instance, testosterone is released during emission of sperm and seminal fluids. Testosterone is important when it comes to sex and it takes time to recharge. Prolactin is released during orgasm which inhibits the release of dopamine needed for sexual motivation.

Also, porn can help divorce one self from an intimate relationship. He may simply get so much visual stimulation from porn that a sexual intimate relationship with you is not so exciting. Not saying that you are not exciting, but porn has a wide range of multiple stimuli. With porn, more dopamine is being released and well dopamine is also a neurotransmitter that helps in the formation of behavior and habits.

Odds are if he cuts down the porn, he will have more resources to focus on the relationship. By focusing so much on porn, he has little left to give to you in return, whether he is masturbating or not.

I have another question. Is his attachment to you weakening and is your attachment to him weakening to a noticeable level? The reason why I ask is because sex is one of the most powerful ways in which people strengthen attachment. Does he spend less quality time with you as well, it seems like a logical conclusion?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

*Porn = junk food*

It lacks all nutritional value and has spoiled his appetite for wholesome home cooking.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If he's watching porn he has at least a healthy interest in sex. If it's not being put into action with a live human partner, there must be some other problem. Could be he has trouble getting worked up over you. Could be he has performance problems. I've seen lots of dogs who are very interested in watching or chasing cars but very few of them can actually drive. What sort of porn is he watching? If it's videos of two or more guys going at each other your problem might be beyond your ability to repair.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Gouge_away: Loved your comment.

I have stopped using porn for about 6 weeks and it has renewed my interest for my wife. I still masterbate.... Obviously. I actually have been checking her out, which is something I haven't done in ages. Also I seem to be much more easily aroused. I didn't think porn affected me before, and I think most men feel the same. IT DOES!

It's so easy to access, doesn't require me to do any house duties to be available, and can be as dirty as I want it to be. I personally think if Not checked, porn is a romance if not, a marriage killer long term.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Porn in always available, with no chance of rejection, or having to put the work into stimulating a response from your partner. It also is not as fulfilling, as evidence he keeps up a steady intake of it.

If he isn't masturbating to it, why is he watching it?

Ask him to stop for 2 weeks, I think he will start paying a lot more attention to you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Baylorn said:


> If it makes any difference, I'm 32 he's 28 and we've been *married for a year and a half*.


Odds are that there may be a lot about each other's daily habits and behaviors that still remain hidden or discrete from one another. Much as teenagers keep secrets from parents, so do newlyweds do with their spouses until each learns to fully embrace vulnerability and become an open book to each other. 

Odds are the porn on your husband's phone could just be the tip of the iceberg, and he may have other things he does when he is alone that he does not want you to know about. As for gouge_away mentioning that porn = junk food, this is true and it can skew one's appetite for traditional intimacy. Combined with a decade of any masturbation habits that your husband developed as teenager, and you may very well have this bizarre fuzzy love monster lurking underneath that hopefully will not freak you out when you finally meet him! 

If your husband does have a porn habit combined with habitual and hidden masturbation (he may not, but statistically most men do), odds are his fantasies have been fueled by novelty and could be something completely unrealistic such as him having a fetish for a female giant godzilla-like woman that can leap over buildings (this is actually a real fetish some men have), or you could find out it is feet (like another poster just discovered) and find your husband staring at everyone's feet during family gatherings. 

The important thing is to not bring any shame into this discussion, but more of a discussion about how to be mindful of certain "junk foods" that can cause a relationship to eventually have a sexual coronary heart attack and end in divorce. Everyone can eat a little junk food here and there, but if they binge on it is secret is when you have a problem.

Be patient, get him to open up, and promise not to judge, and offer to role play in any secret fantasy a little if he wants, and hopefully he will slowly learn to become an open book with you. 

As for me, I was not a complete open book until about 10 years of being married. Once my wife finally saw everything, she begged for me to just not tell her anymore and that it was OK for me to continue work on my clandestine sex robot without her knowledge and participation as long as I cleaned up my mess each time. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Baylorn said:


> I'm very confused by this. I don't at all mind porn and would normally not care if he watches, but our entire relationship he's had a low sex drive. He rarely wants to have sex and when He does its as if its a chore he's bothered with. The TV is on and there's zero romance.. all ten minutes of it. But I noticed he watches a lot of porn on his phone. What? When I asked about this he says he just watches for fun and doesn't masterbate. I'm utterly confused. Can anyone shine any light on this?


I think you're right Bay and at some point you need to tell him you're not satisfied and that you think he's replacing intimacy with porn. IMO this isn't a porn issue but is an issue with him letting it interfere with the relationship. He can deny this of course which is his right but most people would have a big problem with a low drive partner who watches porn. It's like salt in the wound so you shouldn't feel guilty about not liking it. Above and beyond that if he can't see why this is hurtful to you then that will confirm your suspicions IMO.


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

I had a similar problem in the past. I wasn't watching a lot of porn but I was more interested in that than sex. I had some health issues and sex was very tiring for me, so I didn't get that much pleasure from it. Masturbating was a lot easier and felt better because I didn't have to move. 
I don't know if your husband has a similar problem but I just thought I'd mention what I went through.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Baylorn said:


> I'm very confused by this. I don't at all mind porn and would normally not care if he watches, but our entire relationship he's had a low sex drive. He rarely wants to have sex and when He does its as if its a chore he's bothered with. The TV is on and there's zero romance.. all ten minutes of it. But I noticed he watches a lot of porn on his phone. What? When I asked about this he says he just watches for fun and doesn't masterbate. I'm utterly confused. Can anyone shine any light on this?


You have gotten lots of good advice. Porn can be adictive and can "numb" one's sense of what sex should be like within a marriage. 

Since you are confused and asking for insights....can I ask you to think outside the box for a few moments. If you are saying he is LD, but watches lots of porn, have you explored why he is LD and if you have any role in his being LD?

LD for men can be caused by a variety of things. It can include medical issues, low-T, certain medicines, certain diseases. It can be from exhaustion. It can be from reality not living up to the stimulation that porn provides. It can be induced by ED problems and performance fears. It can also be a function of past abuse (physcial or emotional). It can be from giving up after too many years of being sexually rejected or not feeling sexually loved/valued by a spouse.

My suggestion would be to get some professional help and see why he is LD and if you can become his sexual outlet instead of porn. Sometimes a spouse can seriously turn off their mate to the point that porn is all that is left. Probably not you case, but that or his having some real physical or mental problem could be part of your problem.

Good luck.

The point is that there are lots of reasons.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This entire post is pure gold!




peacem said:


> I feel for you. This was exactly how things were this time last year for us. H wasn't interested much in sex with me (and I totally believed all the excuses and accepted them - even gave him sympathy) but then found he was using porn everyday. Its very, very hurtful and demoralizing and to be honest it takes a long time to get back on track. Its not something that cannot change over night unfortunately.
> 
> For some men porn is just a bit of entertainment that does not interfere with their sex lives. For some men it becomes preferential to sex. There is no effort involved, no risk of not doing a 'good' performance or letting someone down. There are no limits to visualizing a fantasy, if a person is poor at fantasizing then porn will create one for them. It is quick - so when someone is tired it is a convenient way of release (your H will masturbate to porn - that's what its for and that is part of the 'entertainment'). Some men are more sexual in the morning and will use porn to masturbate instead of waking their partners then by the evening they have no sexual energy left. Sometimes it can be because there is lack of communication about when and how often each want sex. Therefore a man may use porn to masturbate in an afternoon not knowing whether their partner is up for it in the evening. All this uncertainty can lead to a man withdrawing and choosing the 'ease' of porn. This is more likely to happen if he has a wife who doesn't make a fuss or doesn't speak up when they are unsatisfied.
> 
> ...


The bolded and underlined parts should be shouted from the rooftops.

Baylorn, your husbands porn use is zero reflection on you. None what so ever, except for one little thing. Stay silent.

Intimacy take effort. Lazy people don't like things that take effort and thinking and doing...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LD could mean low drive or it could mean lazy drive. I think OP's husband is Lazy not Low.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Watching porn and not masterbating? That's like purchasing a Corvette and doing the speed limit. 

I can guarantee you your H is taking care of his business watching porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> Watching porn and not masterbating? That's like purchasing a Corvette and doing the speed limit.
> 
> I can guarantee you your H is taking care of his business watching porn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe, probably...

What if the porn freaked her out, not the frequency but the subject matter, and he diverted confronting it by saying, "I don't masturbate to that, I just watch it because its 'amusing?'"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> LD could mean low drive or it could mean *lazy drive*. I think OP's husband is Lazy not Low.



All this time my wife has mastered the art of playing "hard to get" so that eventually I build up so much desire that I ravage her to the point she admittedly feels guilty for making me do all the work... in reality she has just mastered the art of being *lazy! *

If only two could play at that game! :crying:

Badsanta


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> All this time my wife has mastered the art of playing "hard to get" so that eventually I build up so much desire that I ravage her to the point she admittedly feels guilty for making me do all the work... in reality she has just mastered the art of being *lazy! *
> 
> If only two could play at that game! :crying:
> 
> Badsanta


LOL, you clearly don't know the effort that goes into "hard to get" particularly when you want to get gotten!


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## Baylorn (Jul 19, 2015)

Badsanta. My husband has told me in the past that he WANTS me to play hard to get. He wants me to make him work for it. Apparently I make myself too available for him? My sex drive is above average he says. Does anyone think sex at least once a day is asking too much? He is momentarily unemployed and not in any way overexerting himself during the day. I also seem to have uncovered a possible opiate abuse problem? That could be the root of the LD. 
I know that he loves me completely and he is without a doubt attracted to me. He mentioned that when he does in fact masterbate that he cannot get off unless he's thinking of me. How true could that be, men? Does anyone else fantasize about their spouse and only can archive oragasm when thinking about them?
We have such a close relationship that I feel maybe he needs the porn as a thing to keep to himself for himself. Just a fleeting thought..
Thank you all for the positive posts. You really know how to make someone feel accepted.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Baylorn said:


> Badsanta. My husband has told me in the past that he WANTS me to play hard to get. He wants me to make him work for it. Apparently I make myself too available for him? My sex drive is above average he says. Does anyone think sex at least once a day is asking too much? He is momentarily unemployed and not in any way overexerting himself during the day. I also seem to have uncovered a possible opiate abuse problem? That could be the root of the LD.
> I know that he loves me completely and he is without a doubt attracted to me. He mentioned that when he does in fact masterbate that he cannot get off unless he's thinking of me. How true could that be, men? Does anyone else fantasize about their spouse and only can archive oragasm when thinking about them?
> We have such a close relationship that I feel maybe he needs the porn as a thing to keep to himself for himself. Just a fleeting thought..
> Thank you all for the positive posts. You really know how to make someone feel accepted.


Sounds very healthy to me, except the underlying frustration of not being able to connect regularly....

The two of you should try playing a game of erotic tease and denial. You can have as many orgasms as you want, but he has to wait a certain amount of days before he is allowed. You can still have sex as normal, but stop just short of him climaxing or be very gentle with his stimulation so that his arousal only plateaus enough to connect very intimately and then cool down. 

Don't let him get too frustrated as the whole point is to make him fail! :laugh: 

This allows for you to have regular intimate contact, but he gets to build a strong level of desire over a period of time until he can't take it anymore. By playing hard to get, you have "try" to be strict about letting him go all the way. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

http://www.fortybeads.com/book/


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

gouge_away said:


> Buy the Forty Beads Marriage Advice Book by Carolyn Evans | Save Your Marriage | The 40 Beads Method


I read briefly on this website about the book and beads, but do not get it. I guess the bowl of beads are used to "visualize" giving up one's sexual control to the other partner in a token system?

Have to criticize:

Would it not be way cooler and historically accurate to have a bowl of Roman Sex coins or would that token system be too much like prostitution? Just asking...


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I read briefly on this website about the book and beads, but do not get it. I guess the bowl of beads are used to "visualize" giving up one's sexual control to the other partner in a token system?
> 
> Have to criticize:
> 
> Would it not be way cooler and historically accurate to have a bowl of Roman Sex coins or would that token system be too much like prostitution? Just asking...


Funny you mention that, I've thought the same thing, I wanted to do the bead thing with my LD wife and ordered old fashion brothel tokens off of amazon.

Let's just say... I'm glad it clicked... before I presented her the ***** coupon.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

peacem said:


> He agreed to stop with the porn. I have all passwords for internet and tv control. We talked a lot about sex and both our sexual needs. We scheduled sex to cut out any ambiguity. We agreed to have sexual contact every day (not necessarily PIV).


Sounds romantic. I hope there are also code locks on every closet and his showers are timed.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Baylorn said:


> Badsanta. My husband has told me in the past that he WANTS me to play hard to get. He wants me to make him work for it. Apparently I make myself too available for him? My sex drive is above average he says. Does anyone think sex at least once a day is asking too much? He is momentarily unemployed and not in any way overexerting himself during the day. I *also seem to have uncovered a possible opiate abuse problem? That could be the root of the LD. *
> 
> I know that he loves me completely and he is without a doubt attracted to me. He mentioned that when he does in fact masterbate that he cannot get off unless he's thinking of me. How true could that be, men? Does anyone else fantasize about their spouse and only can archive oragasm when thinking about them?
> 
> ...



Wait, your husband is unemployed, watches porn daily yet rarely wants sex with you AND you've uncovered a possible opiate problem, and you think that maybe his porn use might be just a thing for himself to keep to himself?

Boundaries my girl boundaries. You are slowly buying in to his unacceptable behavior because you love him. You can still love him but not accept certain behaviors.

Read up on enabling and codependency. 

That thing where he says you're too easy and if you played hard to get he would want you more? That's a line that not only invalidates your feelings of rejection but also shifts the blame from his behavior to your behavior. CLASSIC! That would be the Bullsh!t.

I think I'm going to write a book called Boundaries and Bullsh!t...


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

I'm glad there are guys out there setting the bar low for the rest of us.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

peacem said:


> But if things go downhill please feel free to critique our lives. I will pull up a chair and be all ears....


The only critique I have is that you should approach random internet comments with a greater sense of humour.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

If they don't have children, she better walk out.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Porn can be a side salad in your sex life but it can't be the main course. He needs to get that message somehow.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Have you asked your husband if there is anything that you could do that would help him fulfill his sexual fantasies?

If porn is a big part of his life, you need to sit back and ask yourself why watching porn is "better" than having sex with his wife? Perhaps, he has performance or body image issues. Perhaps he is watching a particular kind of porn that appeals to some fetish of his and has grown numb to "normal" sex with his wife. 

Find out if there is anything "special or unusual" about the porn that he prefers. If so, and you can handle it, suggest role-playing that kind of a situation. 

One of the things that sex therapists sometimes suggest for couples to bond is for each to tell the other, their three best sexual experiences of their life. Then depending on what they were, try to relive them with their spouse. Your assignment is to find out say his three favorite porn video's or themes. Then you can disect what it is about them that arrouses him and how or if you can do portions of them in role playing with him.

There are all kinds of compromises that you can do even if you have some strict boundaries. For example, if he want's anal and you don't, you can purchase a Fleshlight hold it between your legs and have him insert himself doggy style into the Fleshlight you are holding between your legs. If he wants a three way, you can buy a Fleshlight or blow-up doll and tell him you have invited a slu*:xty girlfriend for him to share one night. You can buy a wig, put on scanky make-up and cheap lingere/club-wear. You can learn how to talk dirty to him or sexually dominate him. Put some fake tatoos on you body. There are even fake piercings. The point is find out what he is getting from porn and see if there is some way that you can provide it to him without compromising your personal values.

The brain is the largest sex organ in the human body and it can be easily tricked by a loving spouse. 

Good luck to you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't suggest you do anything at all to discover his hidden fantasies. And as far as appearances go, the mirror should be facing your husband, NOT YOU!

Men who ignore the wives in favor of porn, particularly when said wife WANTS to have sex, are men who are hiding something. Maybe he has erection dysfunction. Maybe he is too lazy to have real sex with a real woman who requires more than a few pumps to get off. Maybe his OPIATE problem inhibits his ability to follow through on intentions to have sex.

The problem is your husband, not you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> ...Men who ignore the wives in favor of porn, particularly when said wife WANTS to have sex, are men who are hiding something. Maybe he has erection dysfunction. Maybe he is too lazy to have real sex with a real woman who requires more than a few pumps to get off. Maybe his OPIATE problem inhibits his ability to follow through on intentions to have sex.
> 
> The problem is your husband, not you.


I agree with you that the problem is her husbands and not an indication of her "being broken and in need of being fixed." 

To that extent the mirror should face the husband and he should do introspection. ....but will he?

If she wants to save the marriage there are things she can do that will change the dynamic in the marriage and may help/encourage/allow her husband to change in small steps toward a more healthy relationship with her. I am a big fan of MW Davis in her advice on how to change/save a marriage.

He probably is lazy. He may be hiding something. Perhaps the problems are even 95% his fault. We don't really know his side of the story as to why he prefers to masturbate to porn rather than have sex with his wife. Again even if 95% his faout, that still leaves her with 5% that she can work with if she wants to try to change things. 

Or as was my case, I was driven away from intimacy with my wife by either near constant refusal to have sex with me or her hurting me emotionally when we did have sex. In that kind of situation, which is probably not what the OP is in, is it surprising that a man might turn to porn? I found porn to be much more satisfying than to be emotionally hurt by my wife in my sex starved marriage. Ultimately I decided I deserved better and turned my effort into saving my marriage. Again, this is a different situation, but sometimes people for all the wrong reasons are driven from their spouse and porn can be a tempting diversion. It is emotionally numbing and potentially destructive to a healthy marriage.

I have seen guys post on this website a desire to learn about medications that will kill their libido so that are no longer in emotinal pain from being rejected and so they will no longer be interested in porn.

Ultimately, I learned that I was part of the problem and worked on fixing myself and doing things to change the dynamic between my wife and myself so she could change after I changed.

That is why I think the OP has some options as to things she can try. They may or may not work, but at least she has options.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@Young at Heart, I've read your story before and both you and I seem to be here at TAM specifically because we USED to have a lousy sex life and now we have a great sex life..with our perspective spouses. So I think you and I approach SIM threads with the understanding that a problematic sex life takes two people to fully solve.

Having said that, this woman's husband is unemployed, has an opiate problem, watches porn daily meanwhile she wants sex daily. She came here to figure out what to do and I'm taking the stand that there is NOTHING she can do until her husband deals with his joblessness, opiate problem, and THEN faces his porn use. She could do a pole dance, but a man on opiates isn't going to respond. His porn use is not caused by a nagging refusing wife, it's caused by his slow descent into addiction and complete mental checking out of life.

The tone of my post that you referenced was in frustration to the post above yours which suggests she check her appearance and stop nagging because her husband is no longer attracted to her. I reported that post because I think it's highly offensive and way out of line. Anyway, that post infuriated me and when I saw your post I was shocked you almost said the same kind of things.

Nothing will help this marriage until this husband gets his sh!t together.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Having said that, this woman's husband is unemployed, has an opiate problem, watches porn daily meanwhile she wants sex daily.
> 
> ...I'm taking the stand that there is NOTHING she can do until her husband deals with his joblessness, opiate problem, and THEN faces his porn use.
> 
> ...Nothing will help this marriage until this husband gets his sh!t together.


I value your opinions and agree with you much of the time.

I have two questions for you. But first, in some demographics of this and other countries, unemployement rates can be as high as 25% to 50% of the young male population. In some areas opiates are running rampant on the streets and easily available. 

Q 1. If getting his sh1t together is getting clean/sober and then geting a job (being addicted is not an easy route to landing a job) in an area of high unemployement and easy drug access.......AND.....the wife wants to save the marriage for whatever reason; should she do anything to help him get his sh!t together? Or is it entirely up to him? She could help get him into a drug rehab program, she could encourage him move to someplace where there may be more jobs.

Q 2. If she wants to save the marriage, is there really "nothing" she can or should do? I believe in fighting to save a marriage if at all possible, even if it would be easier to walk away. That is why I am a big fan of MW Davis and her books. I think you are a fan of fighting for marriages, as well, in most cases. This might not be one of those cases, but my feeling is that the OP and her H should be the ones who struggle to makesthat choice.

I apologize if my remarks on figuring out his porn fantasies and trying to reinforce some bridge between them that might give her the emotional/sexual bonding she so dearly wants seemed out of line. I now understand that they may be trivial to a larger issue of his giving up on a meaningful life.

I certainly can understand your point of view and it is probably a far better alternative than what I posted for the OP finding long term happiness. Thank you for your candor.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> I value your opinions and agree with you much of the time.
> 
> I have two questions for you. But first, in some demographics of this and other countries, unemployement rates can be as high as 25% to 50% of the young male population. In some areas opiates are running rampant on the streets and easily available.
> 
> Q 1. If getting his sh1t together is getting clean/sober and then geting a job (being addicted is not an easy route to landing a job) in an area of high unemployement and easy drug access.......AND.....the wife wants to save the marriage for whatever reason; should she do anything to help him get his sh!t together? Or is it entirely up to him? She could help get him into a drug rehab program, she could encourage him move to someplace where there may be more jobs.


My experience with addicts tells me there is no "helping them." Addicts are the most exquisite liars and have highly creative inventive reasons why they couldn't keep the appointment you made for them, (The appointment that took dozens of phone calls and weeks to secure) why they can't see that doctor, (The pain specialist who also treats opiate addicts without opiates whose practice is several hours away and you took off work in order to drive them) and sound reasoning for why they have everything under control. 

If OP wants to save her marriage, she has to risk it first.

The best way to help an addict is direct confrontation with consequences and family to back it up. "Get help or get out and you can't move back with Mom till you get help." 



> Q 2. If she wants to save the marriage, is there really "nothing" she can or should do? I believe in fighting to save a marriage if at all possible, even if it would be easier to walk away. That is why I am a big fan of MW Davis and her books. I think you are a fan of fighting for marriages, as well, in most cases. This might not be one of those cases, but my feeling is that the OP and her H should be the ones who struggle to makesthat choice.


I'm not suggesting she walk away. I'm suggesting she stand her ground, illuminate her boundaries, stop accepting his Bullsh!t and don't invent Bullsh!t for him, and risk her marriage in order to save it. 

Whether her H really does have an addiction or is still in the beginning stage, without some serious "come to Jesus" talk, this marriage is doomed. Whether joblessness came first and opiate came second because of injury...doesn't matter. The facts are no job, budding opiate addiction, known porn addiction, excuse making and blame shifting....not looking good I'm afraid.




> I apologize if my remarks on figuring out his porn fantasies and trying to reinforce some bridge between them that might give her the emotional/sexual bonding she so dearly wants seemed out of line. I now understand that they may be trivial to a larger issue of his giving up on a meaningful life.
> 
> I certainly can understand your point of view and it is probably a far better alternative than what I posted for the OP finding long term happiness. Thank you for your candor.


 For the record Young at Heart, I usually agree with your posts as well and if it had been just your post without the offensive post above yours, which has thankfully been removed THank You Mods, I wouldn't have reacted to yours at all. So please accept my apology that I probably came off a tad overbearing...okay maybe a tad more than a tad.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I agree with a lot of what Anon Pink is saying. To me it's a simple the concept of having expectations and holding people accountable when they clearly are falling short. This thread is about a guy who doesn't satisfy his wife sexually regarding frequency but thinks he can indulge as he pleases. I say watch porn either with your wife and only if your wife is satisfied.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Every girl I've been with wants me to tell them my fantasies. I don't think I have any, lol...

I kinda like the idea of having a code word for sex, so we could sneak away anytime, anyplace... sex in discreet public places, or other peoples houses intrigues me... but its not really a forethought sexual fantasy.

Idk, maybe I'm boring, maybe that's why my past sex life was boring, even porn bores me, I try to get the job done asap without wasting too much time watching porn (10-15 minutes tops 3-4x weekly)

Sex however last quite awhile. And I'm very enthusiastic, and willing to try just about anything once.

I totally saw how porn robbed me of my desire for sex during my marriage, I was also refused constantly (7/10 of the time) I used porn to stay in the marriage, at first she didn't care and almost encouraged it, however when I confessed that I now preferred porn to sex because it mitigated the rejection I felt most of the time, then "I had a porn problem." What b.s... All that tells me is she liked abusing the control she had on my sexuality.


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