# Question for Husbands



## Kim1211 (Jan 20, 2012)

I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina. 

My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better


MY husband would be completely OK, he would never want to hurt me or push me. 

I do think it might be hard on some though- IF it was pernament.... temporary should not be an issue with most, they would be thrilled you are willing & happy to do other stuff. Too many wives are not, the fact you are even feeling "guilty" shows you really care for your husband, he is a lucky man. 

How does he feel ??


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I am the husband - perfectly fine doing other stuff. Love my W. She is the best. 



Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


I`d be ok with it if she didn`t get better.

I`m not going to say it would be easy but there are ways for creative people to enjoy intimacy beyond intercourse.


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


I can only answer if I would. And undoubtedly yes.

You sound like a very unselfishing lover/wife. Any man worthy of you should happily wait for you to heal. The fact that you're willing to do other things for him in the meantime is just a bonus.

In fact with such a generous, open lover, I can imagine that with an equally openminded man, it could be a time of great discovery (e.g. finding out how many ways you could make each other climax doing everything but PIV sex).


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

more then ok, it actually sounds exciting!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Perfectly ok, especially if you take the opportunity to explore new fun things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So many possibilities
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm a wife. But I agree with the others.. you can have fun with this.... there are lots of things to explore. Some sex toys could add to the fun.


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## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

Yes, medical issues are no reason to put a marraige at risk, especially if you are willing to work him over other ways. My only suggestion, hj and bj's do not seem like work to you, or a treat, rather something you want to do, and enjoy doing. The other sex can see right through it when it becomes work. I hate it and rather do without when it becomes a special treat which comes with attachments. When it comes from out of nowhere, and with a vigor, and you tear him up, holy molly, the dishes will be done for years to come....


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## CoolBreeze10 (Nov 23, 2010)

I would be completely ok with trying other things than intercourse with my wife. That would be horrible of me if I weren't.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Of course that would be okay!!! If he isn't he is a big Q#$%$%#$% now if it's one of those weird non medically verifiable things and he doesn't believe you is that the problem?


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## MEM7 (Jan 2, 2012)

Kim1211 said:


> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


I certainly am. There are lots of other things you can do without involving your vagina. Not a big deal for me at all.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I know for a fact my hubby would be okay with it. In fact, knowing him, he'd probably not even ask or expect anything else, but I would be more than willing to keep him satisfied in other ways.

I am sorry for your condition - it must seem awkward and frustrating to deal with...  I hope your next surgery is successful and you are able to be pain free!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Absolutely YES! thats what marriage should be all about!

However, if you said that ALL sex was off the menu then it would certainly cause problems.
But you aren't saying that...you are trying to compensate in other sexual areas.

Your husband is a lucky guy!...and I hope he makes you feel very special!


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

I would have to say in my case. I wouldn't be able to.

That is usually the only thing I get. Is vaginal sex. So I would be out. My wife can't bring herself to do most things sexual unless pushed to do it. So that would just give her the out she needs to not do anything at all.


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## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

im sorry for your condition, i guess for men they need it to feel properly close to a woman, other things are great to do but just dont have that real closeness that actual intercourse has, maybe this to do with where a man ejaculates, i think a man needs to do this, but for you maybe not too often and then only when you get him nearly there to limit the discomfort, all the best


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## Pathfinder (Jan 1, 2012)

Not even a question. I would gladly help my wife through anything and would not even expect other things to satisfy me, although she would pull out all the stops


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

no problem with that at all. her getting well would be all that I cared about. There are many ways to get off.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


The fact that you have issues and you still wish to do these things for your husband is such a gift to him. If that where my situation it would only make me feel that much better in my choice of partner.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It's good that you both want to provide for each other. To the OP, I will simply advise that, if your husband gets frustrated with your situation, don't infer that he's frustrated with you. You're doing your best in a bad situation and he appreciates it. He may not be thrilled with never, or very rarely, having vaginal intercourse. But, I'm sure he's thrilled with you.

Good luck.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Hmmm, this is tough, and here's why. I am not into too many other things, like oral sex, actually not a fan of it. So exploring other sides of intimacy would be tough. However, does not mean i'd be going anywhere, especially given your apparent nature as being a loving wife. But i'd like to hear the other ideas of intimacy people have outside of oral that they use as a form of pleasure. Exclude anal as well, never done it up to this stage in life, so doing it now kinda grosses me out.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi Kim

I want to praise you for making the effort to try and make things work in regards to the medical treatment and willingness to please your hubby in other ways.

As a husband myself, your efforts would be more then enough.


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

Absolutely. I have come to believe that a genuine willingness and desire to be with me physically and to meet my desires, is what I truly crave from my wife, as opposed to a specific act. I would feel badly if my pleasure was coming at my wife's painful expense. Good luck with your upcoming surgery!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

I would be very ok with that! Its not her fault that her vagina is out of action - temporarily or permanently. She can't control that. What she can control is her desire to be intimate with her husband in the many other wonderful ways. 

Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine a man with teporary or permanent impotence. Rather than stew about it and shun sex, eagerly explore all the other wonderful intimate activities.

In either case, the spouse who has to rule out intercourse but is eager to enjoy everything else with their spouse deserve a round of applause, a pat on the back, and the appreciation of their spouse. Live and rejoice for what you can do together!


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## ReasonableMan (Oct 18, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


There's just no way I could ever enjoy sex if I knew my wife was experiencing serious pain because of it. So yes, I'd be fine waiting, or even just going without if it came to that and she wasn't going to get better.


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## Kim1211 (Jan 20, 2012)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kim1211 (Jan 20, 2012)

Thank you all for input. You have helped me immensely! I feel calm now and not stressed. 

I think I'll go work over my husband now.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kim1211 (Jan 20, 2012)

Thank you! I appreciate your input SO MUCH!!!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

If I loved you and knew it put you through pain then no, I wouldn't make a fuss. But to be honest I can understand your husband's grievances.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Kim1211 said:


> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


 I would miss the closeness of intercourse, but how could I possibly enjoy it while my wife is wincing in pain? 

You are doing the right things, seeing a doctor and being considerate of the impact of this on your H. You do have 1 major thing going for you: enthusiasm. A good attitude is a huge turn on.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


In your case, if I was in your husband's shoes, does he really have a choice? If he really loves you, which I assume he does, then that is that. Honestly, if you are willing to "compromise" and still try to please him - I would think he should be grateful.
Obviously, its not ideal, but I would accept it if I had no choice and try to have fun with it. More than anything I believe husbands want_ ideally_ want their wives to *desire us and to crave us* as much as we crave them.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Yes, absolutely. In fact I'd be pleased and thankful that my wife was interested (not surprised though - my wife is lovely.)

We had something marginally like this - after childbirth, with an episiotomy it can be painful for a few weeks - so naturally I was prepared for a bit of a break when we brought our first child home from the hospital, the day after the birth. Imagine my pleasant surprise when, whilst our baby was asleep, my wife, without any hints or even hopes on my part, goes down and gives me a BJ 

You make accomadations to each other's needs, and as long as each is trying to give the best to the other, both will be satisfied.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I like it when my wife has an orgasm and I enjoy the time giving her that pleasure. Typically we get her off first then me. It would suck not to have vaginal sex but if she could still orgasm I would be fine with something else. Presently the meds she is on (due to her freaken affair) has a side effect that caused aorgasmia (inability to orgasm). She has only gotten off twice in the last month and 1/2. It also causes her not to be in the mood, but she gives me all the sex I need and I have to give her credit for it. 

I am not an anal sex guy but if my wife could not give me vaginal sex I would ask her to give this a try. If that would be painful then I would look at other options.

Bottom line for me is that this would not be the end of the world. You have a great attitude towards your husband and his needs.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Kim1211 said:


> I have nerve damage in my vagina. Even if I take a Lortab and use Lidocaine gel, I still have pain with intercourse. I am happy to do "other" sex stuff. Anything. I feel guilty that I can't do the "real thing". I have gotten surgeries and injection treatments. I am getting another surgery next month. I am actively trying to get better. I am in constant pain in my vagina.
> 
> My question: Would a husband be okay with his wife doing everything else except actual intercourse until she gets better?


I would HATE hurting my wife. Knowing that she was in pain would kill any chance of sexual pleasure from me - I would never enjoy it. 

I LOVE my wife. If she had such a problem, then I can't help but think it would be a priority to me to see that

1. I didn't hurt her. 
2. We found something that she could enjoy. 

Ideally, I would love to make her orgasm, but I don't know if a condition like yours would prevent that. If it does, then what would she like? That would be my #1 priority. Truthfully, I enjoy my wife's enjoyment of sex more than anything I directly get from it. If she could not engage in any kind of sex, then I would want to give her the emotional and physical support she could actually enjoy, even if that was just hugging or fondling her breasts - what she would ENJOY would dictate what I would want to do. I would truly appreciate any reciprocation she could give, or any sexual pleasure she would enjoy giving me - no doubt about that. But my first priority would be (as it is when she is not ill or with problems) to take care of her first. 

I know it's a simplistic and idealistic answer, but that's how I feel about my wife. I'm sure most husbands are similar.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

I think it is great that you are concerned about your husband.

He should be concerned with you and your health first.


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