# I suspect husband's bored.



## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

I suspect my husband is bored with me. We've been married for over 20 years and we did go through a period five years ago where we were both talking to other people online, which I have to admit was my fault. We separated for a few weeks, but worked through it and have been more attentive to each other's needs. I do not believe there is another woman involved at this time. 

We have had periods where we've only had sex once or twice a week and periods where it's been three times a day. We now average three to four times a week, but something seems off. He still says he's attracted to me and always wants to hold my hand in public, but I just can't shake the feeling he's bored. He's 47 and up until the last year has always had at least three orgasms every time we had sex, but now he just has one. We do vary positions, so it's not always the same. I considered his age being a factor, but 47 still seems pretty young to be having trouble. Of course, I'm not the 16-year-old he first met anymore, but my appearance hasn't changed drastically recently. I guess what I'm looking for is a male perspective. Is there a point that you've just become bored witH your wife sexually? Am I expecting too much at his age? Is it possible for a wife to be too easy?


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I just love how a 47 year-old man having just one orgasm instead of three during his thrice-weekly sex sessions equates to "having trouble".


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

I realize this may not sound like a problem to some, but our prior trouble came about because I had a need that wasn't being met. I believe this made me a lot more sensitive to deviations from our normal.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

@ 47, he is NOT going to be poppin multiples off. As we age, things change, not that we don't WANT to be having multiples!!


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Old and tired said:


> I suspect my husband is bored with me. We've been married for over 20 years and we did go through a period five years ago where we were both talking to other people online, which I have to admit was my fault. We separated for a few weeks, but worked through it and have been more attentive to each other's needs. I do not believe there is another woman involved at this time.
> 
> 
> 
> We have had periods where we've only had sex once or twice a week and periods where it's been three times a day. We now average three to four times a week, but something seems off. He still says he's attracted to me and always wants to hold my hand in public, but I just can't shake the feeling he's bored. He's 47 and up until the last year has always had at least three orgasms every time we had sex, but now he just has one. We do vary positions, so it's not always the same. I considered his age being a factor, but 47 still seems pretty young to be having trouble. Of course, I'm not the 16-year-old he first met anymore, but my appearance hasn't changed drastically recently. I guess what I'm looking for is a male perspective. Is there a point that you've just become bored witH your wife sexually? Am I expecting too much at his age? Is it possible for a wife to be too easy?


I am thinking low testosterone and that can be easily fixed.
If that not the problem you might try exploring fantasies. I have a lot of experience with online romance and there is something highly erotic about that. Is it possible that a woman online suggested a sexual activity that he now wants to explore but is possibly ashamed to talk to you about? 


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Most people will respond to the multiples, which is understandable but obviously not the point.

Is sex still as long as you usually take? Does he have any erextile issues during (like you have to take care of it between poisitions)? Anything else to note specifically?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Old and tired said:


> I guess what I'm looking for is a male perspective. Is there a point that you've just become bored witH your wife sexually? Am I expecting too much at his age? Is it possible for a wife to be too easy?


So I'm guessing when it comes to playing the game of hard to get and you allowing your husband to enjoy the thrill of chasing that you need to brush up on some episodes from the Road Runner:










Generally speaking for some people, excitement can sometimes be much more about teasing, anticipation and pursuit than anything else. Without those elements foreplay could get to be routine. 

But keep in mind everyone is different. More important than anything else is just plain old "confidence." If you loose that, then intimacy will indeed be problematic, but not necessarily boring. 

Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Other than not having multiples, has he indicated that he is bored?

Have you tried spicing things up? Are you about to talk about both of your fantasies? Positions are great, but there are a lot more varieties for variation out there.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Who initiates?


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

Herschel said:


> Is sex still as long as you usually take? Does he have any erextile issues during (like you have to take care of it between poisitions)? Anything else to note specifically?


Sex does last as long as I usually take. Nothing has changed there. Now that I really think about it, he sometimes does need some extra attention after some position changes. I will have to find a way to sensitively address this and make sure there isn't more to that.


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Who initiates?


Honestly, he usually does initiate the physical act, but I let him know he's good to go by flirting throughout the evening.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Old and tired said:


> Honestly, he usually does initiate the physical act, but I let him know he's good to go by flirting throughout the evening.


Reading your post, I'd say I'm a lot closer to what you're thinking about than your husband. That is, I actually am bored for a who bunch of reasons. That said, I never initiate sex. I'll do it when she initiates and I'll be into it, but I won't start it under most circumstances. The fact that your husband is initiating, and the fact that he's mid 40s and we start to slow down around then (especially multiples) tells me I don't think he's bored.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We are married 45 years and know what you mean. Sex after 20 years is pleasant and comfortable. However, it is not exciting anymore. You both know what buttons to press on each other and neither of you have any unexpected moves or tricks. It is like eating your favorite food every day. My wife had a very novel solution when this happened to us.

One night when her best friend was staying with us after her divorce, my wife offered me to her friend who was depressed and horny after her divorce.. Took me by surprise as I never would have dreamed that my wife would have a threesome much less one on one sex with her best friend. Long story short, we gave our girlfriend a room in our home and she was in our life and bed for the next 30 years. That really spiced up our sex life. You can do so much more with three people than two plus both women are bi and we all loved one another long before we got sexual with the friend.

We believe that frequent sex is very important. Sex releases the hormone Oxytocin whose sole purpose is to emotionally bond a couple together the same way it bonds a mother to her child. Powerful stuff. So the less sex you have, the less you want and vice versa. One thing that has worked several times for us. Schedule mandatory sex nights. We did 2-3 nights a week. No matter what, you had to be there as a sign that we loved each other and wanted it to work. We did not have sex every time. Sometimes we cuddled or made out. Sure enough, after a few weeks of this, we were back in the game and enjoyable sex. Also use this time to discuss sexual wants or needs. Go online and explore various fetishes. Some are not bad. We started with teasing and denial, something done in Tantric sex. When we had sex, my wife got the orgasms and I was brought to the edge and back several times and left wanting an orgasm. After a few nights of this, even just touching my wife's shoulder sent shivers up and down my spine. Without having to focus on my orgasm, my wife is having some of the best orgasms of he life at the age of 64.

P.S. Even threesomes get boring after the first thousand.


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

Vinnydee said:


> We are married 45 years and know what you mean. Sex after 20 years is pleasant and comfortable. However, it is not exciting anymore. You both know what buttons to press on each other and neither of you have any unexpected moves or tricks. It is like eating your favorite food every day. My wife had a very novel solution when this happened to us.
> 
> One night when her best friend was staying with us after her divorce, my wife offered me to her friend who was depressed and horny after her divorce.. Took me by surprise as I never would have dreamed that my wife would have a threesome much less one on one sex with her best friend. Long story short, we gave our girlfriend a room in our home and she was in our life and bed for the next 30 years. That really spiced up our sex life. You can do so much more with three people than two plus both women are bi and we all loved one another long before we got sexual with the friend.
> 
> ...



I'm glad that worked out for you, but it wouldn't work for us. I have no interest in anyone else. I am his and only his. And while no one really knows what another is thinking, he expressed the same when I previously offered a hall pass.


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Other than not having multiples, has he indicated that he is bored?
> 
> Have you tried spicing things up? Are you about to talk about both of your fantasies? Positions are great, but there are a lot more varieties for variation out there.


We do occasionally explore fantasies, role play, etc. He hasn't indicated he's bored other than not having multiples. I guess I always took pride in giving him multiples and I'm missing that now.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You cant expect a man to be the same sexually at 47 as he was in his 20's. Havingone orgasm is normal, having sex 3 or 4 times a week is probably more that the average for your ages. I dont know what you are worried about.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Maybe he's just satisfied and not needing sex as much. I would think if he's still initiating sex he's not lost interest or bored. Try taking a break for a little while. Sounds like you have a wonderful sex life talk to him about it. 

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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Any 47 year old getting it 3-4x/wk is most definitely not bored. 

Closer to luckiest man alive is more like it. Most of us would be beyond thrilled to have that kind of boredom. I wish I could have been that bored when I was 30!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Unless he has indicated otherwise, he is probably fine.

Are you bored? If so, what would it take to make you less bored?



Old and tired said:


> We do occasionally explore fantasies, role play, etc. He hasn't indicated he's bored other than not having multiples. I guess I always took pride in giving him multiples and I'm missing that now.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Old and tired said:


> I. He's 47 and up until the last year has always had at least three orgasms every time we had sex, but now he just has one........ Am I expecting too much at his age? Is it possible for a wife to be too easy?


Yep. He is getting older. Bad things start happening to the plumbing. It does NOT at all mean he is bored.

But what OTHER things, other than PIV sex, do you two do? There are about a thousand other things to try to "spice things up"


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Diana7 said:


> You cant expect a man to be the same sexually at 47 as he was in his 20's. Havingone orgasm is normal, having sex 3 or 4 times a week is probably more that the average for your ages. I dont know what you are worried about.


Heck, not having an orgasm at all every now and again would probably be considered quite normal and nothing to be overly concerned about, IMO.

Going from multiple (male!) orgasms to "just one" at 47 years old is nothing to be concerned about, OP. It's age, pure and simple.

As for getting "bored" with you - well... yes, but no. "Bored" is probably not the best word. But face facts - same person for x-amount of years begets familiarity. Which is not a bad thing of course, but, you can't expect every time to be the same as the first.

Generally speaking, the sex my wife and I have together is always good to great. Every now and again, it's amazing, blow your mind kind of thing. But it's not, and will never be, like it was the first, I don't know, 50 times. Before we knew every last little thing about one another, sexually. I know my wife's body inside and out (no pun intended), and her mine. We both know exactly what to do, and what not to do. There are no surprises left, nor is there really any more experimentation. That doesn't make it boring, it just makes it familiar. The end result is good or great sex - precisely because of all of those things - but without the "new and exciting" feelings.

Keep in mind that your body will change at some point, as well, and things won't work the same as you're used to. Aging is inevitable, and it just happens that your husbands is changing before yours. If the opposite were happening, he might be the one thinking you're bored and that it's him.


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> But what OTHER things, other than PIV sex, do you two do? There are about a thousand other things to try to "spice things up"


We've probably tried hundreds of different activities and we're still experimenting, so I definitely agree with that number.


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## Old and tired (Sep 18, 2017)

I would like to thank you all for your help with setting my mind at ease. While I've never been content to accept "average", I've spent quite a bit of time reading other posts and I've come to the conclusion that we're still doing pretty good. I'm still not giving up on obtaining "awesome" again though.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Phil Anders said:


> I just love how a 47 year-old man having just one orgasm instead of three during his thrice-weekly sex sessions equates to "having trouble".


I didn't see any red flags in the post, either. Just a dude getting older who can't bust a nut 3x/day. Not all change is bad or a sign of something bad. Some of it is just age.


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