# What to do?



## Isthishappening? (Dec 8, 2012)

I'm looking for some advice. Don't know what to do.

I met my "dream girl" 2 years ago around Christmas. We were inseparable from the beginning. I was completely in love and consumed with her. We spent all our time together and were really care free and living it up. I am a successful musician and travel frequently. For the first 6 months she would travel with me and we were sort of "cocooned" in our own little world. She is a beautiful girl and could have almost anyone she wanted and i couldn't believe she picked me. 

I noticed that when we met that she had really nice material things and was intrigued by her tastes. Then I realized that she had been being supported by an older man who i have met several times. He was helping her financially with her music career. I know that there was no sexual relationship between the two. He is just a huge hearted man and has helped many aspiring musicians male and female. Well he went broke. I noticed that he had bought her a car and when he was trying to give it back to the bank, she avoided him and stayed hidden. I thought this was very selfish after all he'd done for her. She didn't care anything about the man as soon as he couldn't help her anymore. 

She latched on to me and made me feel very special. Except that she would watch me like a hawk and really started trying to sort of "oversee" me and almost everything i did. There have been times that she has accused me of cheating while i was on the road when she didn't get to go because of my past. I have never cheated on her. I should have hauled ass then. 

She became pregnant 6 months into our relationship and we decided to get married. She became a completely different person and basically made me feel like she had found her meal ticket. I informed her that I wouldn't be signing any marriage license without a prenup. This angered her and made things worse. We did follow through with a wedding ceremony but never made it all legal like. We have been "married" for a year and 
3 months. We have a beautiful little boy that i am completely i love with but I don't think i can take living with her anymore.

She spends everything i make. If i make a dollar she spends two. She talks to me like a *****. She wants to get involved in my career decisions and really has no clue what she's talking about half the time and i end up becoming extremely stressed out because she thinks that she knows better than my record label, publicist, and management...who have all been doing their jobs for years successfully. I know that she wishes she was in my shoes doing what she loves and not home with a 9 month old. I get it. But treating me like she does has made me very resentful.

I have to downplay everything for her. I don't go hang out in bars or venues after I play for fear that she will accuse me of looking for other women. I only wanted her. I have been emotionally drained trying to convince her that i don't cheat on her. She is not a happy person. She has nothing going on in her life now except being a mother. I have offered to help her start a business if she could come up with something and she isn't interested. I have tried everything. She wants to just be in my business. The only time she is nice to me is when she has planned a trip or has bought something nice with money that i earned. I'm so completely stressed out. I walk on eggshells every time i come home and feel like I'm not even in my own house. It's weird. She tries to completely control me. I can barely go to the store without questioning. Can't eat what I want.
If I do anything that isn't her idea, I get called a moron or something similar. 
I have done everything i can to be supportive of her and our baby boy. I took two months off after he was born and let her stay in bed and heal. I had some really strong bonding time with my son. I did everything for her and the baby. Things were good for awhile when he was first born. We were mesmerized and all the newness of being parents and creating something so amazing kept us busy. Except for the times I did anything that wasn't her idea. I would find myself asking permission in a way to do almost
everything. I work my ass off to provide and she still doesn't believe that what i do is work. It is. I have a grueling schedule and stay exhausted. Just because it's what i love to do doesn't mean it's not work. She doesn't see it as work because it's exactly what she wanted to do and never made it. But she doesn't mind spending the fruits of what I call work. 

I don't get any rest when I come home. She has something planned almost all the time for me. No quiet time for me at all. No time to myself. Does she realize I've been on a bus with 10 other dudes for 5 days? I know she has been with our child but she has lots of help from her mother who lives nearby and she uses it! Always has a trip planned. She has several friends who have very limited incomes that she takes on trips when i can't go. I end up paying for everything. It's crazy. I'm so sick of being used. I'm at the end of my rope. 

I have consulted my attorney and found out that I owe her nothing financially because we were never legally married. I would only be responsible for my child support and expenses. I'm totally ok with that. 

My problem is that I feel so guilty for splitting up our home. I will miss my son soooo bad. I love him sooo much. He is my world when i get home. I know the courts will work it out for my visitation but truth is I really like watching him and his mother interact. It's the sweetest thing ever. I just can't stay and be mistreated and used financially. She seldom has a nice word for me and now I've just grown resentful. 

anybody got advice?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Isthishappening? said:


> I'm looking for some advice. Don't know what to do.
> 
> I met my "dream girl" 2 years ago around Christmas. We were inseparable from the beginning. I was completely in love and consumed with her. We spent all our time together and were really care free and living it up. I am a successful musician and travel frequently. For the first 6 months she would travel with me and we were sort of "cocooned" in our own little world. She is a beautiful girl and could have almost anyone she wanted and i couldn't believe she picked me.
> 
> ...


Hi ITH, and welcome. Beyond feeling resentful for the way she treats you, how do you feel about her? Staying because you enjoy watching her and your son together is not a good basis for a marriage. Do you think there is anything there that is worth building on? If so, have you considered couple's counselling?


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