# Ten years of marriage and now she is leaving.



## Jer (Nov 22, 2009)

I feel like if I do not speak to someone about this I am going to lose my mind. Perhaps everyone who has to deal with the prospect of losing the one they love feels the same way, but I have absolutely no support group. I need someone to talk to.

My wife and I have been together for 13 years now, married for 10. We have three wonderful children and have spent the last three years struggling with infidelity and communication problems. I am a stay at home father I provide the care for our children while she works. It has always been the best way for us to manage our life and I am grateful for the time I have with the kids.

We have both made mistakes and I for one truly regret the pain I have caused her. We moved away from our home of 8 years to start over and rekindle our marriage. I have made the changes she wanted me to make, I have been attentive, interested, I engage her in conversation and compliment her often. I thought things were starting to come back together for us and that we could finally have a solid relationship again. 

Then disaster, she asked me to take a few steps back in my affection and feels like I am smothering her. She mentioned that it was making her feel uncomfortable. I was hurt but I want her to be happy so I agreed not really understanding what I had done wrong. For the next few weeks she grew increasingly distant, working longer hours and spending less and less time with our children and myself. I now get a few hours one day a week with her. She takes phone calls in private when she is at home, hiding in our room or outside. I trust her so I try not to pry and to allow her the privacy she needs. Last week when I confronted her about the long hours and the general feeling of absence she told me she had fallen out of love with me. She says she needs a time of separation to discover how she feels about our marriage and whether or not she does in fact love me anymore. 

I have tried to be understanding and supportive of her decision but I am dying inside. Staying at home has closed me off from any kind of support group I may have had and I have nothing to throw myself into while I come to terms with this. I need to stay composed and strong for my children but they have noticed a change and my son told me tonight that I seem very sad and lonely. It broke my heart to hear him say it, even more to know that I apparently was not hiding my pain and turmoil nearly as well as I thought I was. Any advice on how to come to terms with this would be very welcome. I have never been a prefect husband but I have always loved her and never went a day without telling her that. I just feel so lost...She is the love of my life and my best friend and now I am looking at a future without her...


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It was heartbreaking to hear my little boy ask why I was so sad. Ignoring the problems is not the way to solve anything. I think the not knowing part of an affair is the hardest. If you suspect your wife is talking to someone secretly, just call her out. Other than that, it sound like you don't have a clue why she is unhappy or falling out of love with you. Maybe that is the problem, neither of you wants to figure out the problem.


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