# Libido 180. How to get my drive back?



## Mrs M (Jan 3, 2014)

Hey everyone! 

This is my first post on these forums. I have been reading through the threads in this section and feeling increasingly awful about the situation that I have found myself in with my fiancé.

Up until this last year, I have had a very high sex drive. However, my body/mind seems to have just shut off and I can't figure out how to turn myself back on again. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man and we are getting married in just a few short months. Surely we should be all over one another at this point, right?! Instead, it feels as if I have a dark cloud of pressure and anxiety hovering over me every time we go to bed. I'm finding it near impossible to become aroused, and right now we only have sex is if I use lube on myself before coming to bed. We used to have sex on every surface of our house. I just don't understand what has happened to me. He knows that when we do have sex I am forcing myself into the moment rather than feeling it naturally, and this lessons his enjoyment, which leaves me feeling guilty and awful. I feel so helpless and inadequate.

I am struggling with the thought of entering in to our marriage when I am feeling this way about sex. I just can't figure it out. My feelings toward my partner have not changed at all. Does anyone have any suggestions of things that I could try to put myself in the mood?

x


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Get thee to a doctor for a thyroid panel. A woman with no sexual hang ups in a good relationship who previously enjoyed sex with a good sex drive turns the corner and arousal quits, lubrication quits, orgasm quits...sounds medical/hormonal and not just being stressed or anxious about the 5 pounds gained over the holidays...


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Has there been any traumatic situations that have been in your life lately.....i.e. job loss/change, death, anxiety,fights with family?....

You mentioned up until last year you were HD, did something happen?

I applaud you for asking for advice and realizing a change in your drive....you sound very wise


----------



## Mrs M (Jan 3, 2014)

Thanks for the replies!

Anon Pink, I will absolutely get myself to my GP. To be honest, it would be a relief to get an answer that clean-cut.

On reflection, this past year has been a little difficult, to be honest. My parents are divorced and have not seen/spoken to one another in over a decade - so our upcoming wedding plans have been a little less exciting and more stressful that I had imagined they would be. Add some financial strain to the wedding planning and there has been significantly more stress in my life than usual. However, I tend to be a bit of a peace-keeper, so perhaps this stress has affected me more than I am admitting. It's just so sad, because my partner is so wonderful - I can't stand that I could be taking my stresses out on him.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Well, it's a great sign that you've recognized a problem and are being pro-active about it! Kudos to you for doing that.

Unfortunately there are a lot of sad stories here from husbands and wives who's partners have lost their libidos and done nothing about it, or worse, claimed it was a non-issue. It's refreshing to see somebody who IS the one with low drive looking for solutions, rather than the other half coming here to share their story.

Best of luck, and your fiancé sounds like he's found a keeper!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mrs M said:


> Thanks for the replies!
> 
> Anon Pink, I will absolutely get myself to my GP. To be honest, it would be a relief to get an answer that clean-cut.
> 
> On reflection, this past year has been a little difficult, to be honest. My parents are divorced and have not seen/spoken to one another in over a decade - so our upcoming wedding plans have been a little less exciting and more stressful that I had imagined they would be. Add some financial strain to the wedding planning and there has been significantly more stress in my life than usual. However, I tend to be a bit of a peace-keeper, so perhaps this stress has affected me more than I am admitting. It's just so sad, because my partner is so wonderful - I can't stand that I could be taking my stresses out on him.


Well, this is an excellent opportunity to learn how to de-stress so you and your fiancé don't take your issues out on each other.

If everything else checks out okay, you are going to have to learn to put sex in a higher priority than just left over energy and time. Sex with your H should be among the top priorities, no matter what else is happening in your lives.

A good marriage is a great marriage with a good sex life. A good marriage is a frustrating marriage with a lousy sex life. Marriage isn't based on the sex life but it is an important barometer of how well the relationship is developing. Keep that in mind your whole life, as long as your fiancé also does this too, and you two should be able to weather any storm together.

That means you put effort into thinking about sex, planning for sex, dressing for sex, imagining sex, touching yourself and touching him all to get and keep yourself aroused.

They say men think of sex every couple of minutes. Get sex on the front of your brain and keep it there.


----------

