# Where to go with a sociopath



## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

My story has gotten ugly. D-Day was end of May, and what came to light was that my wife had an EA/PA affair for about a year. The truth had to be extracted from her and her ability to lie and deceive was nothing short of breathtaking. What started as sexting/pictures ended with two affairs, one that began while we were dating and our relationship was dull (this one ended during our engagement), and one that went on for the last year. She had no emotional feelings for these guys, it was purely just thrill of being bad. . . contact ended with recent OM immediately upon my discovery. 

In addition, she was also lying to me that she had told her therapist the PA details, yet my recorder picked up that she indeed had not told him it was anything but sexting. I ended up emailing her therapist directly to explain what is up. He told her it concerns him that she left out so many details, so maybe were making progress with what's going on upstairs in her head.

Many I'm sure would tell me to get the hell out of here as this woman treats marriage as a game of "what can I get away with without getting caught"?

It seems like a blow up of this magnitude needed to happen or she may have been cheating on me her entire life. Her day of reckoning has arrived (I think), and she is showing shame/remorse/regret/WTF did I do, but it's been such a journey and I feel like I'm just beginning to learn who the woman is that I married.

So if her game is finally over, is MC (our first attempt she was sticking with just sexting/pics, so we stopped MC and just were doing IC, she is still in IC) the right start? It almost seems like she needs to spend some time admitted in an addiction facility.

And what's wrong with me that I still consider to give this a try? Yes we do have kids, but I have grown tremendously over these last two months. I am moving out and we will be separated while we go to counseling. I also made it very clear to her that there are no promises. . . if I continue to feel like I'm only here for the kids, it's not going to work out.

It's just so hard to know. The possibility exists that even our marriage is a game to her. It's a mess.

I'm painting her very dark, because she eff'ed up bigtime, but my reaction has been quite different. The stuff I previously accepted makes me want to puke now. Our families know, I contacted the OM, and I kicked her out Sunday night when the truth about sex surfaced.

Oh, and is there anything more to gain by continuing to push for details. I mean she admits to having sex with another man. . . there could be more, but will that do anything for this situation?


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

There isn't anything wrong with considering to try. Whats good to see is that you appear strong enough to move on with life, without her if necessary. Self-respect is a great source of strength. That strength can be used in an attempt to recover, if thats what you both truly want. And if it doesn't work out, you can walk away head held high, knowing you tried.

I think the lynchpin here is what she wants. Now that everything is out in the open (exposure to friends/family, etc) she has a choice to make. Does she snap out of the fog and truly want to remain married to you, and not just for the sake of kids? Does she view you as second choice, now that her fantasy is over? Or does she simply give up and leave? 

I think that now it has been exposed, her fog will fade, and you guys have a chance. Especially with you being a stronger you, with what you are willing and not willing to accept in marriage.


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## ConfusedGirl3876 (Jul 27, 2011)

I'm not sure if there is anything to gain from getting more details. My H told me everything (I think) and I hate that I know it all. I think if I just left it at "they had sex" instead of where and when and how and all that it may have been easier to get over. The 3 months that he lied to me about the sex were a lot easier than the 5 months after he told the truth.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Talk therapy is pointless for true sociopaths. In fact talking through it makes them worse.


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## marital_discord (Jul 29, 2011)

Runs like Dog is correct. A real, true sociopath CANNOT be helped. Be careful with those labels. Wikipedia will give a brief description of the nature of sociopath behavior.
All the best!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Sociopath or not, if you were to decide for reconciliation she would have to willingly subject herself to being an open book and under surveillance 24/7 for a very, very long time. What are the odds of this happening?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

lovestruckout said:


> Oh, and is there anything more to gain by continuing to push for details. I mean she admits to having sex with another man. . . there could be more, but will that do anything for this situation?


It's all about what you feel you can handle. It probably wont help knowing the gritty details, like what positions they did it in, how many orgasms she had, etc. But it may help you to know just exactly how many other men were there and if she had sex with them.

To put it this way: In order for you to forgive, you need to know WHAT you're forgiving. 

Full disclosure, that way you're sure there's nothing else, then you can move forward to R or D. Otherwise, its going to eat at you more as time goes on. It looks like that's the way you're feeling right now. 

Trickle Truth stinks!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, you could go to a house of mirrors at the carnival with a sociopath. At least it would even the playing field. But your entire life perspective would be warped.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

harshtruth said:


> you're a doormat, dont think you arent bc you are. She knows it too. She doesnt respect you. She may or may not be a sociopath but you cant control that. You can only control helping yourself, and lord do you need help. You may have started but i wouldnt worry about her therapy, you need a lot yourself. No person who had any self respect would play her stupid games, and if you had respect for yourself you would see it for what it is and stop caring about this woman.
> 
> Stop looking at her and look at yourself man. Grow a pair and get some self esteem


Trust me, w/o children in the equation I'd be gone. They are what I am focused on right now. If I get to the state of mind that they will be ok in a split family (and I know many kids deal with this are are fine), then I'm walking.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm preparing for separation, and ultimately divorce. Sunday night I will sit the kids down in front of her and give them the 'talk' about mommy and daddy having problems. I will leave the house Sunday night but before I leave I'm simply going to say to her "i don't believe everything is on the table, and I'm passing the ball to your court. If it truly is all out, you have the right to end this marriage". Then I'm leaving. 

I'm pretty certain too much damage has taken place in this relationship, but we'll see what type of inner battle that creates for her.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You don't leave the house, she should.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

Atholk said:


> You don't leave the house, she should.


She won't because of the kids. She's a good mother and I don't hold that against her. She is a poor wife though.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Let me ask you---the 1st time she cheated on you---during your engagement, when things got boring----she cheated---now things are the same old again----she has cheated

What is to keep her from doing this again, and again---everytime she is unhappy with her lifestyle

That should be fixed before you even think of moving on with her

Your kids will fine in somewhat happy split homes, than in a single family situation where misery, and unhappiness is everywhere

Also I would ask you----why is she all of a sudden so wanting her mge to work----when she could have cared less about it, you, and her kids---just a few months ago

Could it be cuz---if you D., her she will be on her own, having to work, one to 2 jobs just to maybe make ends meet---she will be dead tired each and every day, from having to face life by herself---and what will she really have a chance in getting for a partner---the pickings may be few and far between, and she knows all this----WHY is she really so willing to now, work on her mge???????


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Let me ask you---the 1st time she cheated on you---during your engagement, when things got boring----she cheated---now things are the same old again----she has cheated
> 
> What is to keep her from doing this again, and again---everytime she is unhappy with her lifestyle
> 
> ...


Bingo! Her game is over, and she basically lost a great husband. Let me tell you guys, as this news flows out to family and friends, jaws are dropping to the floor, and then it is quickly confusion and anger as to how she could do this to me. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal, but two of her 'close' friends have already turned their backs on her and encourage me to move forward, do not look back. I'm in the best shape of my life and should not have any issues finding women. My wife is pretty, but she has a scarlet letter now, so good luck with that.


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## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

Unless she's been violent, I expect you mean she's a psychopath:

Psychopathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

read through the checklists they have on the site - if she's batting high on these, you might as well just run - psychopath's are predators, and cannot be cured.


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

LSO, have you given her the news yet, that you intend to leave? 

I think you made the right decision with exposing this. Now, when you do file, she will not be able to spin this story against you. Of course, I am making an assumption that she would, but with infidelity I think its best to prepare for everything.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

lovestruckout said:


> She won't because of the kids. She's a good mother and I don't hold that against her. She is a poor wife though.


Is it a good mother who is disloyal to her husband and the father of her children? Is it a good mother who betrays their father? Is it a good mother who destroys their family as her children knew it?

Sometimes it can take us a while to “catch up” with what’s really happened and embody the changes and our new beliefs in our everyday life.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

lovestruckout said:


> Bingo! Her game is over, and she basically lost a great husband. Let me tell you guys, as this news flows out to family and friends, jaws are dropping to the floor, and then it is quickly confusion and anger as to how she could do this to me. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal, but two of her 'close' friends have already turned their backs on her and encourage me to move forward, do not look back. I'm in the best shape of my life and should not have any issues finding women. My wife is pretty, but she has a scarlet letter now, so good luck with that.


I'm going to be odd man out here but I think You can save your marriage and family. A lot of work but no more than divorceing and starting over. Reportedly 80% of couples that divorce over an affair regret the divorce, not quite unanimous but close. It sounds like she really loves you and you say shes a good mother. You said she was willing to do anything. Give it a shot.
I don't care what anyone says, I am sixty this year, and divoced kids are not alright. I can't think of one that hasn't been badly hurt. 
Two boys from the same graduating class were working for me one summer before on to school. I knew their parents (one was a cousin) but didn't know them before they started working for me. We spent a lot of worktime together , and I even took them boating on the Ohio river once. We talked a lot about their future etc. One of the saddest things I ever heard in my life was when they told me how all the divorced kids at school hung out together. Both went on to get really good jobs,marry two beautiful girls, buy nice houses. Then it all went to hell. Both divorced, one an alcholoic ,the other lost everything including his life to crack cocaine. They were truly wonderful kids with great personalities. Sad doesn't touch it. Part of their legacy though os to leave another broken home with broken people behind them.

Man up, be tough, get counseling ,be a good husband and dad. Do it now. By the way you admit you weren't paying close attention from the begining. This time keep an eye on your garden and keep the rats out.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey LSO----YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE----a good atty, will rattle your cage with ABANDONMENT------go take a 4 or 5 hour drive, or go to a friends house for the night, but do not leave your home and kids----either go an in home seperation, or tell her since she doesn't wanna be part of this mge., anymore she can leave


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Where to go with a sociopath? Ice cream. Sociopaths love ice cream. Made out of glass shards and dog pooh.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

If you are calling her a sociopath because she has been diagnosed as such, then you might as well divorce and get out now. These people will NOT admit there is a problem because to them, there isn't one.

But if you are using sociopath as a descriptory word and she isn't diagnosed, then that is even harder!


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## confused.love (Dec 9, 2012)

You truly need to separate yourself mentally, not just physically. In relationships like yours, it's REALLY hard not to leave. You want to make things right, you want things to work out, I understand that. But just keep in mind the real, true possibility of leaving her FOR GOOD. Sometimes in these such relationships, we separate ourselves FOR our crazy other halves (in this case, your wife). This isn't about her proving her self to you. This is about you, truly seeing how you feel with a break from her. Are you enormously more happy? More confident? Do you feel less trapped? Ask yourself these questions and be truly willing to separate...or to get back together. But just be honest with yourself.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Zombie thread.


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## steph333 (Oct 10, 2015)

"MY HUSBANDS A SOCIOPATH" ( with out a doubt bye it's true meaning)

Hey ,....."LOVESTRUCKOUT! "

I sit here, understanding and completely feeling your pain! Why? And how! 

My name is Steph, I'm 42 yrs old! I married 1 st time round, 4 years ago....My husband ( 10 years my senior 2nd Marriage... Yes he cheated "ONCE", THE STORYS WAS TOLD....( all up together we've been 9 years)

Completely over joyed with being a wife and its responsibilities & Both starting up a new Business! 
Life seemed good! There were humps, which I chose to ignore....... Due to my physically abusive pastimes , I felt, I won the Lottery with my Husband! So I shrugged off most things, women wouldn't ( like 247 sports TV, non sexual, non communitive as time moved along an more)

He never raised his voice, barely got mad and was never grumpy! In fact, he was "A Logie Winner", regarding his temperament and charm! Never out of tune! COMPLETELY CONSISTENT,!

Actually I began to realise, my husband was like clock work! Mornings, day procedures and business movements, evening arrival and then, I notice him Withdrawing more !
U see spoiling him ( from such a bad past with men), was too easy! 

I'd work, rush to buy fresh fish, chicken or steak!
Rush home! Make the beds, and open fold his side ( hotel style ) every night for him! Wash, iron his next few days business shirts ! Roast the veggies Steam the fish ! Run 10klms hour on my running machine whilst dinner was cooking! 
Freshened up ! And basically waited his arrival, 3 hours after I was home at 7 pm! 
Day in day out! I worked, cooked served him, collected his aftermath for washing! 
As I look back , amazing u known my husband never cooked for me, washed a cup, took his dishes to sink, 3 property's later he never, swept, mowed the lawn, helped me with house, washed his car, bins out! He couldn't even pile washing of his into the laundry! I was really taken for a ride! He used and abused my heart and sole, as you will see......

I began to lose a lot of weight as I lost my appetite for dinner, I guess my body was reacting quicker to things , than my mind! 
As meal times were basically , hubby sitting in lounge , meal served, replay news, then replay cricket or footy! Like a king now I look back! Then another sports show til 9pm and suddenly he was gone ( disappeared to bed) 

I must add, for years I tried to have a quick 15 chat a night ( dinner) but increasingly he , dissolved into the TV and , I could ask him ..." WHAT IS THAT GROTH ON YR NOSE"' , his replied would be " Ok Hun"

I knew bye this stage, and many months of no sexual stimulation and having to bite my tongue and ask for it, but also question why...
Course the answer was TIRED! 

Ladies out there before I continue with the BOOM! 
U need to know it's not about being a hot wife a lot of the time! Sure look after yourself be healthy! 
But not to act though I'm full of myself ! Which looking back if I was this would have ended far long ago! 
My husband was bald, blue eyed, 5.9ft, 90 kilos round tummy he was very ok on the eye , I never cared about body's just hearts!!
Me, 5'7 ..... 58 kilos size 8 firm but curves , double G cup ( firm an round, no babies!!) blonde long hair, blue eyes! We were fortunate that we were able to have some fine things in life, so I drove around is a brand new Mercedes SLK CONVERTIBLE! And always dressed classy and respectful! 
Yes I got plenty of stairs, sore necks, google eyes, woof whistles etc! 

I'll be completely honest when I say,.. OMG, I was so embarrassed when men did this! 
My hubby was aware! 
He'd always say "that's why I married you, you don't craves, or need attention and your so loyal the way you deal with this and so trusting"!!
YES I WAS 

Anyway after 7 years and 3 years of married! 
The BARBIE DOLL HARDWORKING LOYAL SLAVE WIFE WOKE UP! 

Ok I'm going to shorten this buy saying! 
For most , I Never checked any of his IT EQUIPMENT OR IPHONE
However, my phone internet was down late one night, I woke hubby up saying, " may I borrow his phone ! "

OMG! Omg! 
It's like someone was re- directing me 
I began to look at his IPHONE SAFARI SEARCH HISTORY WHICH WAS IN LISTS FROM DAY HE BOUGHT PHONE 5 years ago! He never deleted as the only mistake he made was HE NEVER KNEW SAFARI HAD A 
; advanced search history file! 
Lucky for me! Not really
Omg! 
My heart was beating madly, the overwhelming fears were true! That I was trying to hide in my ZIP CLOUD BRAIN

SEARCHES I began to read WERE:
( here are just a few in hind sight)

iPhone Safari search history=
. Shemale instant hookups
. Tranny***ers.com
. Swingers for sex
. Secure online hotels
. Secure hosting online
. Seperate sim attachment number info
. Domain purchasing
. Scruity ip cover online
. Google codes for online sexting
. Online web cam Asian ladyboys
. Google chats
. *** a cougar
. Teen sex
. Gay men bear fuming hookup
. Grinder
. ****book Finder date 
. Instabang hookup
.online chase card hidden purchases
. Many fake names and false emails he was using
, then I found him on DATINGSCANMERS.com
. 1800 1900 sex talk on phone
. Mappy requests for brothels close bye
. Gay saunas Prahran 
. Gay beats
. Popular toilet blocks Melb gay hookups 
. Tracking online 

List goes on an on an on.....

He denied it all when I crawled to his bedside that night on my knees, like I had just had a death in the family! 
So he Said, he was "hacked ", but never seemed concern or did anything, just continued on with life ignoring my pain and suffering 
It was beyond human! 

A week later I demanded all his IT EQUIPMENT , 
Said if it's hacked will find out no thanks to u! 
I took it all desk top, iPad and iPhone to an investigations and intelligence company in Sth Melbourne ! 5k later, well that evening...

My girlfriend came with me , to collect data info and equipment! 
The investigator man said," Steph, I'm sorry but I have 3 discs we copied every dame thing on all his hard drives , its not good!
When your ready , put discs in PC and see for yourself ! 

It was worse than I ever imagine! 
I clearly could see, how, when and why hubby was hooking up every morning early with men
Arvo with women ! What ever type of sex he could get !!
Online, brothels, st Kilda pros, toilet gang bangs, lunch ***s at saunas, trannies at hotels! 
He was tracking me gps! So he could always be on top of my locations , and being in Realestate ! 
Well he cut many duplicate keys to appartments 
Where he had sex with girls, boys, men , women & Trannies! 

It's been 2 years! We live separate lives under the same roof! Why? 
We were just moving into our dream home 3 days after I found out his life! 

I've fallen in a heap! And haven't been able to move on yet! We barely speek! 
I haven't worked 2 years! I have Trauma Insomnia! Barely sleep, I m numb
And Traumatised that , my husband not only denied all his doings, but kept continuing life 
With no remorse or concerns for his wife and our future! But further more making proud announcements of his sexual encounters daily bye inappropriately filling and saucing his underwear with whit and brown affiliate for me to wash! 

I then realised he was a sociopath or is it psychopath??
They have triggers! Yes they pretend to be level to everyone all over the world! 
However, if they are caught out?! Playing there master nine games sexual or in other forms, ( it can be ugly , as life continued) , I began to hear and bump into thoz that new him or her that I knew along the traps, that we're having sex with my husband! Confronting him again one night of fright, he went into an instant ragg, and knock me to the ground bleed bruised nose and all! 
That was it! 
I always thought I was strong! 
I fell deeper and deeper in to no mans land 
Not caring for much at all! 
Being caught out! is rare! For Sociopaths! 
As apparently they our 
Master mines at the deviancy , as they say , an incredibly intellect ( if they put all these energies, of hiding, lying , manipulation etc into good use we would see them as Doctors, scientist , lawyers etc

All along, he cared for no one but him!! 
And the pathological lies were outrageous ! 
As everything became clear to me , I could assume 4 words out of a paragraph may be true in some form, when he communicated! 

And I was amazed I never saw all this!
U know I think we had sex 10-25 in 9 years
Thinking back how he pushed me to the abortion clinic! As he had 2 grown boys, of course he wasn't going to considering my need for a child ! 

He never kissed my body and he always came
After 1-2 mins , never in his mind would he consider my sexual needs or requirements ! 

We are close to the end ! He want pay me my fair share ( pay me out, lawyers want quarter of my settlement), and he has hidden all our financials, since I became unwell and left the business
So I gain half a house with a mortgage ! If I leave !

It's phathetic, his family think where having issues! I had to fully withdraw from them as the are strict Jews , my pain would have told a thousands words! And well there old and I have much respect for them! Too litter them with there sons 2 wife cheating sex addict tranny ****ing tales! 

As I said PATHETIC, he still pays for everything, and material and other wise I certainly don't go with out more now then ever! 
Think I had 3 lots of Botox and filler in 6 weeks! How sad that I'm filling avoid in such a way! 
It's been 2 years since I've been touched and 9 since I've been loved! I'm broken and fribble! 

And that's my story ! 
Lady's please be more aware today many many married men, especially in there early 40s to 60s
Are hooking up early mornings lunch after work with men ! Yes women are just as bad but I am speaking of BI SEXUALITY HERE OR FURTHER MORE GAY MEN IN STRAIGHT MARRIAGES

MEN & women PLEASE START BEING HONEST
Please! Many suicides are caused bye and out come of content such as mine! I have thought this road I have been here once! Please be fare to those that have been only fare to you! 

Thank u
STEPH


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Talk therapy is pointless for true sociopaths. In fact talking through it makes them worse.


Runs ~

How/why does talking make it worse?

Thanks

VH


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## steph333 (Oct 10, 2015)

Veryhurt

Your very correct
SOCIOPATHS LAUGH AT U 
BE LITTLE U

U CAN COMMUNICATE WITH A NARCISSIST! 

It's hell!


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## steph333 (Oct 10, 2015)

Sorry 
I meant 

U CAN NOT COMMUNICATE WITH SOCIOPATH NARCISSIST
U SIMPLY CANT


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Steph ~

I am in the process of divorcing a sociopath/narcissist/psychopath/personality disorder cheater after 33 years. His exact DSM Diagnosis has not been established as some characteristics overlap.

The stories I could tell you would make your head spin!

Be Strong!

VH


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

VeryHurt said:


> Runs ~
> 
> How/why does talking make it worse?
> 
> ...


I know this is a zombie thread but this is a VERY important question.

Therapy for psychopaths and sociopaths makes it worse because it teaches them what to say to make it look like they've changed. But they don't actually change, because they still don't care. Therapy just teaches them how to manipulate people better; it's like lessons on how to be a better sociopath.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I know this is a zombie thread but this is a VERY important question.
> 
> Therapy for psychopaths and sociopaths makes it worse because it teaches them what to say to make it look like they've changed. But they don't actually change, because they still don't care. Therapy just teaches them how to manipulate people better; it's like lessons on how to be a better sociopath.


HC ~
Well, that is too damn scary, huh? 
Thank you ~
VH


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

VeryHurt said:


> Runs ~
> 
> How/why does talking make it worse?
> 
> ...


Sociopaths lie to you 100% of the time. They are manipulating you.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Brother this is a mess. You don't have all the info, to make an informed decision. Coupled with having kids, you must know everything. I'd bet my entire paycheck, which is really good btw, you dont. In my world with must haves, expectations and deal breakers, there is one thing that I won't tolerate, being played for a fool and infidelity. They go hand in hand in all honesty. You cheat, I walk. You married for that reason or one. Besides the moral tragedy of it, there are serious health concerns, maybe. Then there's the mind movies, which can be worse than the act itself, trust me. I'm all about reconciliation, meaning before the act, physically I mean. Some would say an EA is a deal breaker, I think so too. No matter the acronym, no matter it was only a kiss, no matter anything. You married me, you promised to be faithful, you promised to respect me, till death. You married me with all my flaws, knowing or through time seeing them unfold. Regardless if you didn't show her love to an unreasonable 24/7 program, or with raising the kiddos and being brushed to the point where you can't think, you loved her and what's her return, I want to have sex with other people. I am sorry for this comment and being overbearing, but I've been where you are and man that s... hurts, right to the core. Please walk away, find that girl, woman, lady that makes you smile inside and out. They are out there, I'm living proof.of that. Let your kids be witness to a happy and healthy relationship, not one that's mired in resentment and hatred. Good luck man, we are here to listen and assist you in whatever your decision you make.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Zombie thread!


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