# My girlfriend, 31, is two timing me with a 62 man



## solongmarianne (Dec 7, 2012)

Here's the thing. Linda and I have been together now for 3 years. We are both postgrads and 31 years old. We live in different cities around 70 miles apart. I have an interesting low paid research post at a state university, she has a well paid but boring job at a private college. Every Friday evening I get the train to her place and return early Monday morning. Generally we get on real well and I have proposed to her a couple of times but she always says that she is committed to me but not ready to settle down just yet. We have lots of interests in common and our sex life is great.

Still she needs something to occupy her during the college vacation 2 years ago and took a painting class run by a nice old guy (the 61 year old). She got really into it and started to spend all her spare time painting and telling me what a great teacher he was. 

Then last summer his wife phoned me up and said she thought my gf was following him around a bit too much and there were too many texts going back and forth and people were talking. She asked if I was comfortable with the situation. I said I was as I trusted my gf. The art teacher is not good looking, or rich or funny and physically out of shape. So although I noticed he seemed quite keen on my gf I did not pay it too much attention. I did tease her occasionally about it and she always said Eugh much too old. She even said he had asked her in September if they stood any chance of a relationship, as they had bonded a lot over the art, and that she had told him he stood no chance.

She told me his wife was giving him a hard time over their friendship and said that she thought she was a control freak and hyper critical and not very nice to him. His wife always seemed perfectly nice to me but I put that down to a personality clash. Also my gf can be a bit demanding which I put down to her being an only child who was rather indulged by her parents.

I gathered from my gf that his wife was still giving him a hard time about it last month and saying they saw too much of each other but my gf just dismissed that as an example of how his wife tried to control him.

Then last week his wife sent me a short voice recording she had obtained of the two of them, the art teacher and my gf, in his rv outside her apartment when he ran her home after an art evening class. They sound very affectionate with each other and there are long gaps and rustling on the recording and other little noises which have to be them kissing. They call each other tiger and he strokes her hair (he talks about doing so) and there are mms and giggles and just for confirmation at the end, she tells him he better wash her lip gloss off his mouth before he goes home.It lasts around ten minutes.

His wife put in a note saying she confronted him about it and he denied anything happened between thim and my gf and accused her of putting a private eye on him (actually she just left a pocket recorder in the pouch behind the front seats). My gf insists nothing happened and it is all manufactured. The wife says it is all true and she had also happened on references to kissing on a text between them few weeks ago and he insisted it was all a joke but it was clear texts had been deleted. My gf never lets me see her cell phone contents.

There was a massive fall out and his wife sent the art teacher to see my gf, to tell her to chose her or my gf. Apparently my gf told him they had done nothing wrong, (according to his wife)and that she saw no reason to change things, that she had a steady partner (me) and had no plans to run off with the art teacher. She apparently tried to say that making out is normal when two friends have had a good evening together even if they are both in relationships with other people.

The art teacher is now in the process of being thrown out by his wife, who says it is all my gfs fault. My gf is denying anything inappropriate happened . And the art teach is blaming it all on his wife and says it has all been exaggerated.

I can see how the art teacher could be having a mid life crisis. I dont get is my gf. Who is still in denial over the wholething. 

But the thing I really really get dont get in all this is why make out with a 61 year old bloke which is out of shape, has no money, and not a lot of charm. (I should add that he does not assess her course work that job is done by someone else)

I feel humiliated as I am not bad looking and have been entirely loyal to her. I had no idea until last week. Can anyone shed any light on this for me?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sorry you are here. I presume you are non-US? Are you Commonwealth or UK? (Blokes, you see..., but I could be wrong.)

This is not the first time he has done this. That's why his wife was suspicious of him and why she shut this down so quickly.

You need to expose him to the college authorities and/or the LEA.

Your gf is clearly not any use for a long term, faithful relationship if she believes this:-


> She apparently tried to say that making out is normal when two friends have had a good evening together even if they are both in relationships with other people.


Get yourself checked out for STDs. And let her know you are doing it. The art teacher might not be the only person who has been dipping his wick with your gf and you must protect your health.

One day your ex-gf to be will realise she is no longer 15, until then she is not ready for a proper, adult relationship.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Hes alpha, you're beta. 

Alpha attracts women, beta repels for the most part, other than 'steady'(her words and shes really saying comfortable, convenient) partners who they can cheat on. 

She feels its ok to kiss up on another man because she knows you're not going to do anything about it, and she was right so far. 

An alpha would've already put her in her place if not having dumped her ass.

Also to get with women you don't gotta look or dress the best, you just gotta have game.

Also if she thinks theres nothing wrong with kissing other men, dump her ass as shes not relationship material.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Where you thinking about marrying this girl?She chose another man, you heard the recorder, so F#$k what lies she has to say to you. Move on and find another women. Be thankful you didn't marry this girl


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

solongmarianne said:


> She apparently tried to say that making out is normal when two friends have had a good evening together even if they are both in relationships with other people.


How do you even turn that type of thinking around? Just a GF...I'd be gone.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

MattMatt quoted the line for you already and you're asking how to interpret this? Sounds pretty cut and dry.

Dump her, 3 years isn't a long time buddy. Try 20 years with kids and then finding this stuff out.

If you say she's perfect for you and there's no one else like her, Imma throw an imaginary hammer at you hoping it'll wake you up.

There is always someone better no matter what anyone says. Always someone hotter and/or nicer out there. In her case, anyone else is most likely a win/win for you. Unless you're just drawn to those type of girls.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Be thankful she refused your marriage proposal. Very very thankful.... find someone else. (she already did)


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> I feel humiliated as I am not bad looking and have been entirely loyal to her. I had no idea until last week. Can anyone shed any light on this for me?


Don't blame yourself, it really isn't about you, it's about her getting caught up in some kind of teacher-student thing.

Three things:

I divorced my with for 'making out" in a car with a guy.
I would dump a girl who turned down my marriage proposal twice.
"Making out is normal when two friends have had a good evening together even if they are both in relationships with other people."

She's done you a favor.

T


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

You GF is walking all over you. Clearly competing with OM's BW, which of course is a controlling beatch.. cold fish, unable to understand this wonderful man... yada yada, classical signs of competitive OWs. She is a homewreker. She knows she intruded herself in that marriage.

Sorry friend, count your blessings, you caught her so early on, with no kids, finances interwined and more investiment (I'm not dismissing how much you love her). Run. Run away now. She's showing you a window to future. Moirn the loss of that ghost. Drop her like a hot potato, get your stuff while you move out and leave there adult diapers. Or better pack her stuff and unload it at love nest, along with the diapers.

Sorry man.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

The 61 yr old ain't having a midlife crises---he is trying to cheat

Your GF, is as stupid, and brazen as they come, if she thinks the recorder is not facts and truth, AND----if she thinks liplocking with another, when you are in a relationship, is no big deal, she is entitled to her privacy, as long as she ain't married, but by keeping her phone from you, you know she is hiding things

I don't know what you want to do, but if you stay---make sure you stay allies, with the lovers wife, so you will abreast of what is happening, should they try to go underground----the lover, is just as stupid as your GF, thinking he can do things, and then bully his way past his wife-----he has a rude awakening, if his wife dumps him---she is gonna take half of everything, and he is gonna work till he is 80 just to keep his head above water

As to your GF, that is up to you---but if you do stay---you better have a very large meeting of the minds as to what boundaries are in place, and what the consequences will be


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Why you would even be thinking about anything other than kicking her to the curb is beyond me. No marriage, no kids....no way. If she'll do this to you now, with no real provocation, what's to make you feel comfortable that she wouldn't do it down the road when there are problems? And EVERY relationship has problems.

Uh-uh

Too many good women out there. You are way to young to be settling for someone like this. I know it hurts like hell right now, but be glad you found out now what kind of person she is rather than later.

Believe it or not, you do deserve better than this.

Run, dude, run!

Sorry for your pain. BTDT


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your gf found a way to deal with a long distance relationship. She has him and you half time. That means replaces one full time man.

One major problem is that she seems just fine in finding ways to excuse her behavior. If you marry her, she'll use any excuse she can think up to cheat on you.

She is not marriage material. There is no reason that you should bother to go through the pain of reconciliation when you are not married and in a long distance relationship.

Surely there are eligible women living in the town where you live now. One of them is dreaming about finding a man like you right now. Go find her.

Oh and tell the current gf that you are done with her.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Your GF is doing this to you now. Just wait until you've been together a bunch of years and things get more challenging!
Uhhhh .... no.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I don't think she's even girlfriend material, not to mention wife. And what kind of cold heart thinks it's OK to cause such trouble and heartache for an older woman in a long-term marriage? Very cold.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think an exactly similar post, almost line to line was made from the wife's perspective. But instead or art, it was music they bonded over. The wife reacted just as she did in the scenario(talking with bf etc). But she did not secretly record anything last time she posted here. But things could have changed.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...sband-taken-over-new-hobby-female-friend.html


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Have you asked the girlfriend to explain the recording? If so, how does she claim nothing happened in the light of it?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So your gf thinks its both normal and OK for a married man and a woman in her own long term relationship to go out on a date and to make out at the end.

Well if your willing to stay with after you've now heard for yourself her cheating on you, then you should expect her to be making out with every guy she ever has an evening with.

If you stay with her, you apparently also have her permission to do the same with anyone you have a nice evening with.

But that's only if you stay with her, which you would be a fool to do. Your gf is cheating on you with an old man. He's likely got a history of pulling the I'm an artist move on other women, and you really need to get yourself and std test.

I suggest you dump your gf for cheating and go completely dark on her forever, that way you won't have to live through hearing any more lies and idiotic rationalizations on how her in an RV making out with a married old man is ok.

Reality to cheating gf- it's not at all, not even a little, ok.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Not married? check
No kids? check
Long distance relationship? check
Both self absorbed and spending all their time at university? check
GF made out with man twice her age? check
OM not attractive? check

OK, based on the facts, I'm going to consult my relationship analyzer to see if this is worth saving. OK, I have the results. In light of the facts above, drop the woman like a hot potato and get on with your life. 

Even if your GF didn't cheat on you, I'd still advise you to drop her and move on. Look at what the two of you are doing. Both are 31, focused on yourselves only and continuing to obtain more and more education. Neither of you appear like you're ready to move out into the real world to face real world problems. You live a long distance apart and can only see each other on weekends. 

Here's my advice to you: 1) drop the GF, 2) Get a real job, 3) Mingle with more people than just the cloistered halls of academia, 4) Become more assertive, 5) Find a GF that is local for crying out loud.


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## solongmarianne (Dec 7, 2012)

Further developments. My girfriend told me last night that the kissing was a one off, she does like him and she had had a bit much to drink and I should not regard it as a threat to our relationship.

Separately his wife has texted me to say that the art teacher has admitted he has been in love with my gf (unrequited) for the last 2 years but says over the summer she started coming on to him and has been very affectionate since then although it has never progressed beyond kissing and he has never been in her flat.

Anyway apparently the art teacher is moving out and is going to go public with a statement that it is because he has fallen in love with my gf. He has told his wife he feels that he has nothing to lose and if he can only have two good years with her before he gets too old, it will be worth it.

I am waiting to see what my gf tells me next as we are both due at a craft workshop he is running on sunday.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

this is stupid.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

OP, she is not you wife and you don't have kids. You literally got nothing to lose. Run Forest, run!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> Further developments. My girfriend told me last night that the kissing was a one off, she does like him and she had had a bit much to drink and I should not regard it as a threat to our relationship.
> 
> Separately his wife has texted me to say that the art teacher has admitted he has been in love with my gf (unrequited) for the last 2 years but says over the summer she started coming on to him and has been very affectionate since then although it has never progressed beyond kissing and he has never been in her flat.
> 
> ...


Do not assume she will tell the truth.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> 1] *I have an interesting low paid research post at a state university, she has a well paid but boring job at a private college.*
> 
> 2] Generally we get on real well and I have proposed to her a couple of times* but she always says that she is committed to me but not ready to settle down just yet. *
> 
> We have lots of interests in common and our sex life is great.


^^^^^^^^
This and a few other points shows that ,
Your " girlfriend is the " man " in the relationship., that's why she doesn't respect you.
She likes you because you're stable , and she could count on you being there for her , just like a faithful little c0cker Spaniel. 
Stop wondering about why she's with this man.
You need to do two things.

1] Get rid of her .
2] Work on yourself.

BTW, forget the sex, it was never " great" for her.


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## solongmarianne (Dec 7, 2012)

I have had another talk with my gf. She insists the kissing was a brief one off when she has too much to drink and felt sorry for him and that any marital problems the art teacher has have nothing to do with her but centre around his wife who is a control freak.

She says the art teacher has a long standing crush on her and she a dmits she quite likes him doting on her but she has told him more than once that there is no future in it as the age gap is too great. She says she is fond of him as a dear friend and sorry for him being married to his wife who she says I should ignore as she is spreading malicious unjustified rumours about the reason for the failure of their marriage.

The thing is, I have no evidence that my gf is lying - it could all be self delusion on the art teacher's part. His wife only knows what he tells her so shares the delusions.

I am not trying to sound weak in all this, although I know I do, but really it is the wife's word against my gfs, and we have been together for nearly 3 years without anything else happening like this. So why should I believe the art teacher and his wife and not my gf? 

I


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

solongmarianne said:


> Anyway apparently the art teacher is moving out and is going to go public with a statement that it is because he has fallen in love with my gf. He has told his wife he feels that he has nothing to lose and if he can only have two good years with her before he gets too old, it will be worth it.
> 
> *I am waiting to see what my gf tells me next as we are both due at a craft workshop he is running on sunday*.


Are you serious! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Your girlfriend has been cheating on you with a married man twice her age, lying about it to your face and then trying to gaslight you and your going to a craft class with the both of them.

I want you to go down to the local Walmart and buy a couple red rubber balls; they will have to do until; you find the ones you were born with! Find some self respect and dump this woman immediately.


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## solongmarianne (Dec 7, 2012)

I have had another talk with my gf. She insists the kissing was a brief one off when she has too much to drink and felt sorry for him and that any marital problems the art teacher has have nothing to do with her but centre around his wife who is a control freak.

She says the art teacher has a long standing crush on her and she admits she quite likes him doting on her but she has told him more than once that there is no future in it as the age gap is too great. She says she is fond of him as a dear friend and sorry for him being married to his wife who she says I should ignore as she is spreading malicious unjustified rumours about the reason for the failure of their marriage.

The thing is, I have no evidence - in fact that it could all be self delusion on the art teacher's part. His wife only knows what he tells her so shares the delusions.

I am not trying to sound weak in all this, although I know I do, but really it is the wife's word against my gfs, and we have been together for nearly 3 years without anything else happening like this. So why should I believe the art teacher's wife and not my gf?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

A one off that just happened to occur the one time the reorder was present. What an amazing coincidence.

A wife who gets upset at her husband crushing on his lady student, taking her out drinking, and going back to his RV isn't controlling.

It's call a wife married to a cheater.

Your gf has admitted to what she got caught on tape doing. 

Your gf has said she doesn't see a future with him, but she thinks it's ok to drink with him and pop in for a quikie in the rv.

Common really? She knew why they were going into the RV. It wasn't to talk. The wife put the recorder there because she figured out where they were using to have sex.

As for proof, you've heard the recording yourself. Your gf has admitted to going into the RV and making out with him.

And after all that not only isn't she dumping the guy she cheating on you with out of her life, she's calling his betrayed spouse crazy and controlling.

At the beginning you sounded like you could handle yourself, but it seems like you are desperate to believe anything so long you don't loose your cheating gf.

That's not going to end well for you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

solongmarianne said:


> She says the art teacher has a long standing crush on her and she admits she quite likes him doting on her but she has told him more than once that there is no future in it as the age gap is too great.
> 
> The thing is, I have no evidence - in fact that it could all be self delusion on the art teacher's part. His wife only knows what he tells her so shares the delusions.
> 
> I am not trying to sound weak in all this, although I know I do, but really it is the wife's word against my gfs, and we have been together for nearly 3 years without anything else happening like this. So why should I believe the art teacher's wife and not my gf?


You do realize the entire story is a classic cheating married guys story right? The poor man, married to a controlling wife who doesn't want him out dating ther women. He turns to you gf and shares his woes. Wait, there is more, he also just happens to have a crush on her....

Your gf is very very clearly the OW in thus guys marriage. You gf clearly has no remorse. In fact she sees her only problem being the wife of the OM.

And you of have proof, you've heard the recording of them making out. Did they sound nervous and uncertain like first time lovers would, or did they sound comfortable and open with one another?

This wasnt a one time or first time thing.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

OP, please get back to thinking or I'll come over and strip you of the PhD title.

Have a look at the facts, you are still in denial over the whole thing. You desperately want your relationship back, so you choose the most improbable interpretations of events if they are in your GFs favor. 

Now you even leaning to agree the OMW is crazy even though she proven to be factually correct and you heard the evidence she collected. Really?


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Solong, you've been together for 3 yrs w/o any other infidelity. Forgive us for our skepticism here, but many, if not most of us, were in relationships much longer than that before the betrayal(s) occurred. What I'm saying to you is that your gf has serious boundary issues. They place your relationship in serious jeopardy, no matter what you do. You have identified them early in the relationship. You have to decide if you want to take the risk to continue the relationship against some very poor odds.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude, come on, your GF moral compase is so far off it ain't even funny. She is having an affair wife a married man and sees no problem with it. 

This mans wife could be the the devil and as long as he is married your chick is influnencing their marriage. Your GF justifies the affair by villinizing the other mans wife and that is just plain wrong.

Put your self in this married women shoes and then look at your GF, you won't like what you see!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> I am not trying to sound weak in all this, although I know I do, but really it is the wife's word against my gfs, and we have been together for nearly 3 years without anything else happening like this. So why should I believe the art teacher and his wife and not my gf?


Yea don't believe the wife, only believe what your gf tells you. But who cares if she has a fling here and there. I mean she keeps you happy when you visit her right? Doesn't she have a right to get pleased herself? A fling here and there is fine as long as you don't know about it. Don't make such a big deal out of it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If I was you I would go to that art seminar the OM is having and show him alot of public affection towards your wife. Your GF reaction, and his, will validate what the OMW is saying.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> Further developments. My girfriend told me last night that the kissing was a one off, she does like him and she had had a bit much to drink and I should not regard it as a threat to our relationship.
> 
> Separately his wife has texted me to say that the art teacher has admitted he has been in love with my gf (unrequited) for the last 2 years but says over the summer she started coming on to him and has been very affectionate since then although it has never progressed beyond kissing and he has never been in her flat.
> 
> ...


Berr-looody hell, mate! Run! Run like the wind!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> Dude, come on, your GF moral compase is so far off it ain't even funny. She is having an affair wife a married man and sees no problem with it.
> 
> This mans wife could be the the devil and as long as he is married your chick is influnencing their marriage. Your GF justifies the affair by villinizing the other mans wife and that is just plain wrong.
> 
> Put your self in this married women shoes and then look at your GF, you won't like what you see!


Yes. Someone -the art teacher?- put iron filings in her tea and that messed up her moral compass.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

From Wikipedia:

*Occam's razor *(also written as Ockham's razor, Latin lex parsimoniae) is the law of parsimony, economy, or succinctness. It is a principle stating that among competing hypotheses, the one that makes the fewest assumptions should be selected.

OP, you're an educated man (perhaps too much so), deep down you know that you must let your girlfriend go.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Solongmarianne,

Why are you not threatened by this? Is it because you trust what your GF is saying? or is it because her affair partner is 62 and you're not threatened of him due to his age? If her affair partner was 35, would you be taking this seriously?

Good luck at the craft workshop this weekend. The jokes on you!! 
You are being played!!


You really need to pull your head out of your azz. Everyone here can see the writing on the wall, but you choose to believe the one person who is betraying you, your girlfriend (the cheater). 
Regardless, your relationship is lacking complete honesty.

Why won't she let you see her texts? Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

Their relationship is already a passionate affair. Are you waiting for semen to be deposited before you politely ask her choose between you or him?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I call troll thread.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Not a troll. Just some guy who has no self respect or strength of character to do what he knows he needs to. And a whoop azz load of denial.

Op? How much more evidence do you need? A text between them referencing making out. And a recording of them making out. with those two items, you already know it wasn't a one off. 

Well....in ten years into your marriage with this girl...you will remember this advise and wonder why you didn't take it to heart now.

After her infatuation with the fat guy wears off...expect a lot of girl nights out. And texting between her and male co workers from now on. And expect the sex between you two to drop to nil, while your wondering why she's buying new thong underwear and lingerie to wear out on her girl nights out. And the texting and kissing male coworkers will be alright, because that's what close friends do, right?
Especially when those late nights turn into 5am outings every weekend, while your expected to stay home and watch the dog....or better...the kids.

And when the other wives and girlfriends call you up with picture and text evidence of affair material....don't believe them. Because all those other men's wives and girlfriends are just being controlling and crazy, too.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In a way, I pity the fat guy. Don't feel sorry for him, but I do pity him.

He's infatuated with a girl half his age. Thinks he just traded up. He's on top of the world!

In four months, she will get bored. Cut him off faster than Marie Antoinette's head. He will be stuck wondering what he was thinking and why he was such a fool.

And all he will have to show for it is alimony payments, and a crappy little one bedroom apartment with no furniture.

OP? Is his wife's name Karma?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

solongmarianne said:


> I am waiting to see what my gf tells me next as we are both due at a craft workshop he is running on sunday.


_Here's a post completely out of character for me, but I'm sorry, I can't help myself..._

*Tell me where the craft workshop is so I can meet you there, beat some sense into you, smack the teacher, and rescue your girlfriend.*

T


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kasler said:


> I call troll thread.


Then you reported it, right?

A similar thing happened to someone I know, older lecturer, infatuated young female student.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

She only admit what hard evidence BW was forced to gather shows. Cheater's hadbook page 1.


> So why should I believe the art teacher and his wife and not my gf?


So. So both MOM and her devastated wife blames her of the end of the marriage and you ask us why you should't believe your GF, who admit knew about OM's crush, nurtured it and even kissed him? (Yeah, just once, by chance the one she was busted by tape). What if this happened to your parents, to her parents? Try changing the roles.


solongmarianne said:


> I have had another talk with my gf. She insists the kissing was a brief one off when she has too much to drink and felt sorry for him and *that any marital problems the art teacher has have nothing to do with her but centre around his wife who is a control freak*.
> She says the *art teacher has a long standing crush on her and she a dmits she quite likes him doting on her* but she has told him more than once that there is no future in it as the age gap is too great. *She says she is fond of him as a dear friend and sorry for him being married to his wife who she says I should ignore as she is spreading malicious unjustified rumours about the reason for the failure of their marriage*.
> I


First she blames on OM's crush (that she was perfecty aware, accepted, nurtured and fed with no regard for her wife, for you nor HIM!). Then start with the classical OW's script (she's way more an OW than a wayward GF); blaming the end of the marriage on the victim, denigrating her. Claiming they were ''done'' for years and BW is to blame.
She was cruel to intrude herself into this marriage to enjoy OM's attention. She's a pathetic home wreker. Period. Tell her so. The fact she's so indifferent, unempathetic to the hell she caused is very telling. She lead this men rope enought to leave her long term wife because he has very little years left. Tell her whether she's really happy with her actions, whether she feels she as a clean conscience.
I'm sure she rationalized it teeling hersef she was doing this OM a favor in his late years, she just didn't expect the predictable outcome and now she's dowmplaying her role.

Everything from the unrepetant cheaters hardbook. You are not the first one in this state of denial. At all. It's very common, almost mandatory. As a matter of fact you are in the usual betrayed fog (Truth bias). Trust us. With a little time you will see things as they are.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Tony55 said:


> _Here's a post completely out of character for me, but I'm sorry, I can't help myself..._
> 
> *Tell me where the craft workshop is so I can meet you there, beat some sense into you, smack the teacher, and rescue your girlfriend.*
> 
> T


Just make him an offer he can't refuse. 

(BTW, I love your Michael Corelone avatar. The Godfather I & II are my all-time favorite movies. It should be required viewing in business school.)


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Eject,Eject,Eject! Just walk away. Look for a new job, start a new life in 2013! Have a nice day.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Then you reported it, right?
> 
> A similar thing happened to someone I know, older lecturer, infatuated young female student.


Didn't he just make a thread this past week? :rofl:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Solongmarianne, (very apt name BTW) by chance - do you work around chemical fumes? That's the only explanation I can think of why you can't see what everyone else sees so clearly.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I've been in and around academia for 35 years and the story of the much older man with the young female student is a cliche but is true. The stories are as old as the hills and continue to happen every day. You can dismiss the WS as a member of the Depends brigade, but you'll have to take my word for it that 61 yo is definitely not dead. If you think your age gives you some security in this, you should disabuse yourself of this idea, I think.

I agree with everyone here who thinks that your gf is heartless regarding the OMW. I've seen this many times before, too - the young woman carelessly dismissing the 'old crone' of the W who is no better than laughable background noise to her as she careens recklessly through the older couple's life.

At the very least, OP, you shouldn't want to enable this terrible behavior.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

solongmarianne said:


> ….
> I am not trying to sound weak in all this, although I know I do, but really it is the wife's word against my gfs, and *we have been together for nearly 3 years without anything else happening like this.* So why should I believe the art teacher and his wife and not my gf?


You have been together for 3 years and she's had him on the side for 2 of those 3 years. It's been happening most of your relationship.

She has helped to break up a marriage. She only has his side of the marriage. People who cheat always make their spouse sounds like a terrible, controlling person. That’s part of the game. They do it to justify their affair.

So the only time your gf kissed this guy was the one time that his wife was eaves dropping. Really? Are you really this naive?

Men do not give up long term marriages over unrequited infatuations. They give them up over a lover who they have real hope will replace the wife. He has chosen your gf because she has given him reason to believe she will be with him once he leaves his wife.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Stop being a doormat. I have been in a very similar situation like you and swept my STBXW's A(s) under the rug. The more you hide away from the truth, the more devastating the end is going to be for you.

There are more than three billion women on this planet. You do the math.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tony55 said:


> _Here's a post completely out of character for me, but I'm sorry, I can't help myself..._
> 
> *Tell me where the craft workshop is so I can meet you there, beat some sense into you, smack the teacher, and rescue your girlfriend.*
> 
> T


The first thing I thought to was ask him what he would do if I stomped on his hands.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

alte Dame said:


> I've been in and around academia for 35 years and the story of the much older man with the young female student is a cliche but is true. The stories are as old as the hills and continue to happen every day. You can dismiss the WS as a member of the Depends brigade, but you'll have to take my word for it that 61 yo is definitely not dead. If you think your age gives you some security in this, you should disabuse yourself of this idea, I think.
> 
> I agree with everyone here who thinks that your gf is heartless regarding the OMW. I've seen this many times before, too - the young woman carelessly dismissing the 'old crone' of the W who is no better than laughable background noise to her as she careens recklessly through the older couple's life.
> 
> At the very least, OP, you shouldn't want to enable this terrible behavior.


An art teacher at 61 is probably an expert at picking young peaches. Has she ever modeled for him?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

chapparal said:


> An art teacher at 61 is probably an expert at picking young peaches. Has she ever modeled for him?


In much younger days, I was once an art major (after dropping out of electrical engineering - a broken heart makes you do strange things) and I remember fondly drawing female nudes with live models. The first time was a real hoot for all the lads in the class. None of us had ever experienced a beautiful female nonchalantly disrobing in front of a roomful of eager Picasso wannabes. Fond memories indeed.

(Oh, and I would bet my left one that she posed in the buff for him.)


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

alte Dame said:


> I've been in and around academia for 35 years and the story of the much older man with the young female student is a cliche but is true. The stories are as old as the hills and continue to happen every day. You can dismiss the WS as a member of the Depends brigade, but you'll have to take my word for it that 61 yo is definitely not dead. If you think your age gives you some security in this, you should disabuse yourself of this idea, I think.
> 
> I agree with everyone here who thinks that your gf is heartless regarding the OMW. I've seen this many times before, too - the young woman carelessly dismissing the 'old crone' of the W who is no better than laughable background noise to her as she careens recklessly through the older couple's life.
> 
> At the very least, OP, you shouldn't want to enable this terrible behavior.


Where I taught the saying was an A for a lay. LOL. 
Horrible I agree. Not my mantra. 

Being 57 and looking younger than 40 I can tell you that 61 is not dead. I know it sounds ancient and in many ways it is. Just not in this way. This is indeed and old cliche.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

chapparal said:


> The first thing I thought to was ask him what he would do if I stomped on his hands.


Just carry on teaching.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> *In much younger days, I was once an art major (after dropping out of electrical engineering - a broken heart makes you do strange things) and I remember fondly drawing female nudes with live models. The first time was a real hoot for all the lads in the class. None of us had ever experienced a beautiful female nonchalantly disrobing in front of a roomful of eager Picasso wannabes. Fond memories indeed.*
> 
> (Oh, and I would bet my left one that she posed in the buff for him.)


Ha!
You actually switched from electrical to art?
The things we do because of love.
I started electrical and switched to mechanical engineering..

However my art teacher was a beautiful , middle age woman.
But _that _is another story!

Don't want to hijack the thread.
Carry on!


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Ha!
> You actually switched from electrical to art?
> The things we do because of love.


Yes. After two years of Calculus, Physics and Boolean Algebra, I gave it all up because my girlfriend dumped me. I was twenty years old and the irony is that I ended up marrying her ten years later and you guessed it - she dumped me again. This time with two beautiful kids and a lot more heartache.

I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift but I'd like to quote a line from her latest hit to describe how I feel about my ex: 'We are never ever ever getting back together.'


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Solong....why should you believe or not believe your girlfriend?

Well others have talked about the cheater's textbook. The first inkling I got of my wife's affair was "I like him but I only kissed him once"...after she was caught. She didn't confess.

So, I think I recall the girlfriend saying nothing happened, and now she admits they kissed once, after knowing it was recorded. Have I got that right? If so, wasn't "Nothing happened" a lie?

OK, so here is another approach if you want to confirm it.

"Girlfriend, you admit he is attractive, you admit you kissed him. To me that is not acceptable. You have shown you can't control yourself around this guy, so you need to cut of all contact...immediately. Not negotiable." If she is committed to her relationship with you, wouldn't she see that as reasonable?

And if she says "Don't you trust me?" surely the only possible answer is you were together with another man, had too much to drink, and kissed him, and only admitted it because you were recorded. Haven't you given me reason to doubt you?"

Not trying to beat up on you man, but if they are at the beginning you MIGHT be able to head it off.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok, go back to Walmart and get a couple bigger balls. Clearly the ones you got are too small. And why you are there, get a calculator, because you can't seem to put two and two together and come up with 4.

If I sound harsh and demeaning it is only because I mean to be......


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