# experince adjusting Alimony and Child Support?



## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Wanted more info on people who have successfully adjusted Alimony and Child support. Booked in to meet with a Lawyer this week but wanted to hear opinions and experience so I can be more informed.

Background info
Alimony for 3 years duration cannot be changed but amount can be changed +/- $500 per month but is tax deductible since I paid prior to law changing and have 2 years left.

Child support - My State uses a Calculator which should be simple but I currently overpay as my X is supposed to cover for my work trips outs of town(she doesn't) I also am 80% commission based, my monthly income was calculated in private mediation of 3 year average/ 5 year average and meet in the middle of them. years 2014/2015/2016 yearly income was even, 2017 I earned about 30% more than the prior years, so far this year I am about 10% down on years 2014/2015/2016 and the trend seems to continue, this is an average since months fluctuate, I had one month that was not enough to even cover my basic living expenses not including food so just House, Car, utilities etc.

We have 50/50 custody and I cover medical and 75% of out of pocket expenses for medical and co pays, we split all other costs 50/50 so child support is not even for lunch money, clothes, extra curriculum etc it is purely for roof over head, food and stuff at her place.

My x and kids live with her boyfriend and his kids 50% of the time, my x was also supposed to have had a pay rise as we were divorcing of about 30-40% and also start to earn commission on top but she lies a lot and I do not know anything about her work or if this ever happened but judging by how she spends she is either living rent free and blowing all her cash or earns plenty of cash because she is living way better than I am.

Any one else with Commission based Jobs been in a similar situation? If i show last years W2 it looks like I have had a huge increase but if i show thois years paychecks so far it shows a decent pay reduction, I am not sure what a Judge or court mediator would want to see.

Since Alimony is rehabilitative in my state I was hoping since she is self supporting now we could reduce to the max allowed and child support should decrease since her pay rise, adjusting days since she doesn't cover for me like she agreed and other factors she is planning to change. i am just worried in case they just look at my last year W2 and i end up paying more. 

All ideas, comment and suggestions welcome,


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Looks like no one lol.

I have my appointment scheduled tomorrow so i guess i will post how it goes.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Yeah, these are all questions for your lawyer and accountant.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

MovingForward said:


> Wanted more info on people who have successfully adjusted Alimony and Child support. Booked in to meet with a Lawyer this week but wanted to hear opinions and experience so I can be more informed.
> 
> Background info
> Alimony for 3 years duration cannot be changed but amount can be changed +/- $500 per month but is tax deductible since I paid prior to law changing and have 2 years left.
> ...


In my case, they wanted to see last three W2s, Tax Returns and last three paystubs to get a trend. Don't think they would use JUST one year to base this all on.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I don't have person experience and each state is different. But I was told there needs to be a 15% change in income for the court to consider adjusting child support. You need to look at your W2's and hers. If you haven't seen her W2's your lawyer will need to ask for them. If her salary went up materially and you have more physical custody than was planned and can be documented, then you probably have a shot at changing child support. I don't know anything about alimony.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> I don't have person experience and each state is different. But I was told there needs to be a 15% change in income for the court to consider adjusting child support. You need to look at your W2's and hers. If you haven't seen her W2's your lawyer will need to ask for them. If her salary went up materially and you have more physical custody than was planned and can be documented, then you probably have a shot at changing child support. I don't know anything about alimony.


She actually emailed me last night and tried to tell me she is not doing certain things anymore but it doesn't matter as she was just doing me a favor anyway so her email basically changes the agreement after the summer in her eyes, i could not have booked in to meet lawyer at a better time. She is going to be shocked and I am sure if it works out in my favor I will be getting a lot of abuse but on a plus it will literally mean I will never ever see her as all drop off and pick ups will be at school.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

MovingForward said:


> Bananapeel said:
> 
> 
> > I don't have person experience and each state is different. But I was told there needs to be a 15% change in income for the court to consider adjusting child support. You need to look at your W2's and hers. If you haven't seen her W2's your lawyer will need to ask for them. If her salary went up materially and you have more physical custody than was planned and can be documented, then you probably have a shot at changing child support. I don't know anything about alimony.
> ...


The last sentence is the same with me as well but what about Summer Vacation? That's what I'm dreading as we will be beginning shared custody as soon as she moves out within the next few weeks, which will basically start when summer vacation starts and we'll most likely have drop off/pickups at each other's houses. Once school starts again it will be golden though!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I have to use Summer camp so same situation I will never ever see her or have to interact in person again.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

stillfightingforus said:


> The last sentence is the same with me as well but what about Summer Vacation? That's what I'm dreading as we will be beginning shared custody as soon as she moves out within the next few weeks, which will basically start when summer vacation starts and we'll most likely have drop off/pickups at each other's houses. Once school starts again it will be golden though!


So you guys still live together? I remember doing that and it sucks BAD!!!!! once they move out even if it is painful and emotional you start to feel better after about a week or so and it just gets easier and easier.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

MovingForward said:


> I have to use Summer camp so same situation I will never ever see her or have to interact in person again.


Gotcha, glad that works out for you that way! I am all on the not seeing or interacting with them bandwagon but I am have already prepared myself for the contact that will come. Sporting events, concerts, stuff like that. I know I'll have to be in the same vicinity as her sometimes but I am eager to begin my healing. It's true that living together through all of this is pure Hell, especially as the affair goes on and especially as the WW doesn't act like anything is wrong and hides the affair from everyone, so as to keep up appearances in the church, etc.

In the same fashion, the year seemed like it took forever as I lived it but it also went by quickly in retrospect.

Affair Begins - One year ago this month (May)
June - July - False R, she is open with doubts of marriage though and thinks she is better off alone
July - October - says it's not working, need to set a time on when we can call it quits
November - December - even more open that it's not going to work, I start to pull back a little from trying to go all out to save, hoping to create a new dynamic
Mid-December - after having doubts about her saying she is not in a relationship with OM, that his just in contact for orders (She's an equipment supplier to his company), I find out everything. The affair, never stopped, even in June, she just took it deeper and deeper, more intense, more deceptive. Everything she had said over the past 6 months is a lie.
January - even after his wife finds out she thinks she might not be able to win him, she still wants divorce and we start process
January - March - round 2 of the affair takes place, they go further and quicker than before and more devious, burner cell phones, etc
March - Current - Wife found out again but she takes him back again, hoping to save her marriage. I have no idea what's going on now but .....

Through all of the above, I had to live with her and take it on the chin. I had gone through so many different emotions, strategies, etc, etc. The more I look back on it, with help from my counselor and close family/friends, they are extremely proud of me how I handled it and how I am moving on from it, without hate, with peace and with a mindset of just moving on and doing what's best. I was a doormat for a lot of this but I did what I could to give her every chance possible and she passed them by. 

She will be in her new house within a few weeks. I told my counselor this week, that I have chosen the path of peace and just being me, which is a nice/good guy. I know the difference between being a stand up guy and Mr. Nice Guy. I will always be nice, I hold integrity, faith and my word above all else when it comes to my actions. I have also chosen the path of forgiveness. I forgive her for what she has done. It still makes me angry and the fire she provided to me through her treatment of me over the past year, the words she had for me, have served as fuel that will last me the next 20 years to go out and dominate again. I'll never forget what she did but I also know, it basically takes a sick person to do what she did. She made conscious decisions over and over in the path of deception and harm but again I have control over me and I can determine how I move on from this. 

I won't harbor ill will towards her but that doesn't mean I have to be friends with her either, that's not going to happen. I will essentially get my revenge the best way possible, by doing the opposite of everything she did. Thank God for my kids, even when I was wallowing in my own sadness, I had to be strong for them, life still goes on and without them, not sure how I would have gone through this. And with her being gone soon, the healing can really start to begin.

Sorry got off on a tangent there but just detailing how awful it ended up being, living with someone that used to be the most important person in your life but became enemy, rather I became her enemy. When we told the kids last month, I knew that I had done a good job of hiding it and keeping them first because they had no idea, other than Momma and Daddy weren't talking as much as they used too. 

Good luck to you in the next steps as we take them in parallel!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

stillfightingforus said:


> Gotcha, glad that works out for you that way! I am all on the not seeing or interacting with them bandwagon but I am have already prepared myself for the contact that will come. Sporting events, concerts, stuff like that. I know I'll have to be in the same vicinity as her sometimes but I am eager to begin my healing. It's true that living together through all of this is pure Hell, especially as the affair goes on and especially as the WW doesn't act like anything is wrong and hides the affair from everyone, so as to keep up appearances in the church, etc.
> 
> In the same fashion, the year seemed like it took forever as I lived it but it also went by quickly in retrospect.
> 
> ...


Good luck to you also Sir.

Our stories are very similar and I tried to let it go but your journey begins again when she is out and you will have new issues to deal with, i took it on the chin for so long but my anger and resentment built up to much so i am no longer even civil with her. 

Kudos to you for keeping strong for the kids but dont forget to look after yourself, without you being in good shape mentally, physically and emotionally no matter how hard you you will be doing them and you a disservice. I tried to hold it together and failed, I also did not look after myself and I was essentially worthless I tried but was still a terrible dad, tried but was still a terrible employee, i tried but i was still a terrible friend. Once I put myself first things started going up for me and others around me.

The greatest gift you can give your child is to show them what a happy and well adjusted adult looks like so they have someone to look up to.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...106/the-greatest-gift-you-can-give-your-child


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## Normm (May 17, 2018)

Here's what really matters in your case.

You were ordered to pay alimony for 3 years and you're one year in.

Last years pay was higher than it was when the amount was set. 

This year is lower but we're not even halfway through the year.

Nothing else that you posted will matter to the judge so if you look at the short time frame since the order and no good supporting documents for an income reduction you have no case.

Sorry.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Normm said:


> Here's what really matters in your case.
> 
> You were ordered to pay alimony for 3 years and you're one year in.
> 
> ...


You are some what correct, based on her increased income and her change in living circumstances I can change, I can also adjust child support for the same reasons but...............

Lawyer told me to leave it alone until my xw tries to change it legally as the current schedule mostly works for me and a deviation will require me to adjust my work schedule more and I would prefer not to. 

Once my XW files which apparently is a lot of paperwork and hassle then i am forced into an agreement so at that point we will rework all the financials and she will be surprised that her payments are reduced.


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## Normm (May 17, 2018)

MovingForward said:


> Once my XW files which apparently is a lot of paperwork and hassle then i am forced into an agreement so at that point we will rework all the financials and she will be surprised that her payments are reduced.


Why would she file if it's a lot of paperwork and hassle and if she will end up getting less support?

Besides if you expect she's going to file it's always better to hit first so you aren't on the defense. No matter what people say, the courts will tend to look at the plaintiff more favorably- they had reason to bring an action, the defendant is simply trying to protect themselves. That stacks things against the defendant from the very start.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Normm said:


> Why would she file if it's a lot of paperwork and hassle and if she will end up getting less support?
> 
> Besides if you expect she's going to file it's always better to hit first so you aren't on the defense. No matter what people say, the courts will tend to look at the plaintiff more favorably- they had reason to bring an action, the defendant is simply trying to protect themselves. That stacks things against the defendant from the very start.


There are certain aspects of the parenting plan which give her duties clearly spelt out which she no longer wishes to fulfill and has told me she will no longer be doing them. Lawyer told me she has to keep doing them until she amends the plan with the court since my child support is taken by a clearing house and her not fulfilling this parenting time would increase my costs therefore decrease my child support obligation and this would have to be amended with the court and the clearing house. 

My XW is a hot head and thinks she can bully me into agreeing to her changes without changing the plan, I told her I would not be changing so she fired of loads of abuse and told me she would see me in court, my lawyer told me the forms are so hard to do and so much hassle she doubts my XW would do it so basically I am calling her bluff now.

My original intention was to reduce alimony and child support but it was much more involved than i expected so i am just chilling and retaining same parenting plan and payments until she forces me to show my hand.


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