# 10 years married...now have crush on her cousin!



## canuck007 (Mar 14, 2018)

So I got married to Mary 10 years ago and we have 1 son. We get along great and my marriage is wonderful. I met her cousin Nancy (still single) about 2 months after mary and I started dating. I could tell we had an instant connection. Mary and I got married and Nancy lived in the same city as us for a few years while she pursued here career. Nancy and I would go play golf together and generally got along really well. My wife did not join us but didn't mind that we golfed...well that's atleast what I think. Anyway Nancy moved back to her hometown (which is mary and my hometown as well) so we go visit atleast 1-2x per year as my wife's whole family lives there. I find in last few years my crush has developed more for Nancy. When we have get togethers I find there's alot of eye contact and smiles across the room to each other. We joke alot and get along really well. There's pretty much zero chance of us doing anything as I am married and don't want to go down that road and Nancy is extremely honest and would never allow it. I find myself wanting to just know if Nancy feel's the same way about me that I feel about her. I'm not even sure why or what it will get me except an ego boost maybe. Should I let Nancy know that i've developed a crush on her? Maybe she already knows. We text and communicate via email. I just can't seem to stop feeling this need to tell her and know who she feels. Don't know what to do!


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Oh gawsh! The thrill of young love! I can hardly contain my excitement for you! Except that you're old and married.

Man up. If you want a new relationship, have the decency to divorce so that your wife can find her soulmate as well. Have integrity. Integrity is good.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

canuck007 said:


> So I got married to Mary 10 years ago and we have 1 son. We get along great and my marriage is wonderful. I met her cousin Nancy (still single) about 2 months after mary and I started dating. I could tell we had an instant connection. Mary and I got married and Nancy lived in the same city as us for a few years while she pursued here career. Nancy and I would go play golf together and generally got along really well. My wife did not join us but didn't mind that we golfed...well that's atleast what I think. Anyway Nancy moved back to her hometown (which is mary and my hometown as well) so we go visit atleast 1-2x per year as my wife's whole family lives there. I find in last few years my crush has developed more for Nancy. When we have get togethers I find there's alot of eye contact and smiles across the room to each other. We joke alot and get along really well. There's pretty much zero chance of us doing anything as I am married and don't want to go down that road and Nancy is extremely honest and would never allow it. I find myself wanting to just know if Nancy feel's the same way about me that I feel about her. I'm not even sure why or what it will get me except an ego boost maybe. Should I let Nancy know that i've developed a crush on her? Maybe she already knows. We text and communicate via email. I just can't seem to stop feeling this need to tell her and know who she feels. Don't know what to do!


 you should forget the idea all together and focus on being a better husband to your wife. If it continues to be an issue you should cut off communication with her. What is the point of telling her this? What do you plan on doing if she says also likes you? There is nothing to be gained unless you plan of cheating on your wife with her cousin. Just drop it.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

How about respecting your wife's feelings and the vow you took to her ? You seem like a real jackass.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Stop thinking or fantasising about her. Every time she enters your head, immediately think of your wife and child and the good things you are in risk of loosing if you let this go any further. Think of the things you love abut your wife and child. 

No you should definitely not ask her, and on the occasions that you must see her, make sure that there are no flirty looks or smiles at all. It may even be best if you don't see her again ever. 
Also stop ALL texting and emailing with her, as a married man you shouldn't be doing this with another woman. You are an married man with a child, imagine if you asked her more and she told your wife? Or if she told others in the family? You are playing with fire here.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

canuck007 said:


> So I got married to Mary 10 years ago and we have 1 son. We get along great and my marriage is wonderful. I met her cousin Nancy (still single) about 2 months after mary and I started dating. I could tell we had an instant connection. Mary and I got married and Nancy lived in the same city as us for a few years while she pursued here career. Nancy and I would go play golf together and generally got along really well. My wife did not join us but didn't mind that we golfed...well that's atleast what I think. Anyway Nancy moved back to her hometown (which is mary and my hometown as well) so we go visit atleast 1-2x per year as my wife's whole family lives there. I find in last few years my crush has developed more for Nancy. When we have get togethers I find there's alot of eye contact and smiles across the room to each other. We joke alot and get along really well. There's pretty much zero chance of us doing anything as I am married and don't want to go down that road and Nancy is extremely honest and would never allow it. I find myself wanting to just know if Nancy feel's the same way about me that I feel about her. I'm not even sure why or what it will get me except an ego boost maybe. Should I let Nancy know that i've developed a crush on her? Maybe she already knows. We text and communicate via email. I just can't seem to stop feeling this need to tell her and know who she feels. Don't know what to do!


How old are you? Sheesh


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

This reminds me of an anecdote I heard once.

My friend was at a marriage seminar. One person asked the moderator "how do I know if I married the right person?"

The moderator said in response; "are you married to ___________?" "Yes the friend replied"
"Then" the moderator said "you married the right person!"

Mary is the right person, Nancy is NOT. End of story............


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

canuck007 said:


> I find myself wanting to just know if Nancy feel's the same way about me that I feel about her. I'm not even sure why or what it will get me except an ego boost maybe. Should I let Nancy know that i've developed a crush on her? Maybe she already knows. We text and communicate via email. I just can't seem to stop feeling this need to tell her and know who she feels. Don't know what to do!


Play all the scenarios out in your head and see which one sounds good to you. 

1. You tell her you have a crush and she does NOT feel the same way. She is horrified that you would take her familial friendliness as flirting. She tells your wife, who is rightly heartbroken that her husband would consider cheating on her, and with family. Ugh. 

2. You tell her you have a crush and she admits she does too. Yay! Now what? You either have an affair with your wife’s cousin...that ends badly and she tells your wife and your wife is heartbroken, divorces you and has PTSD...or you fall madly in love, leave your wife for Nancy and everyone in the family hates you and Nancy. Family reunions will be fun. Not to mention your how your son will feel. Or you don’t have an affair but grow resentful that you are stuck married to Mary when your true love Nancy is right there. The angst. Every day you hate Mary more and more for the prison she put you in. So unfair. 

3. You get yourself into counseling and figure out why the hell you need an ego boost and outside validation from any outside source other than your wife. And why the source you have chosen is family.


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## canuck007 (Mar 14, 2018)

all valid points. just needed to hear them. i will cut off communication with her. thank you for the advice. please close thread.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

canuck007 said:


> Don't know what to do!


What you are to do is keep your **** in your pants.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear canuck007;

As an older guy (69) married for 46+ years, I have some advice.

First, be very careful about your fantasy about the cousin. The crush should never become a lust, longing, or live. You don't want this to become either a PA or EA. Fantasies are semi-OK as long as you never will try to turn them into reality.

Second, be very careful about being alone with your cousin, such as the golfing sessions. If you are going to meet with the cousin always make sure your wife is there.

Third, some of this might be natural if you are a bit older. I have read articles that say most older women and many older men have an eye on their plan B, should their spouse die. That is, you are staying in touch with someone you find attractive and consider marriage material, but only if your spouse died suddenly.

Good luck, stay strong and back-off your infatuation with your cousin.


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## canuck007 (Mar 14, 2018)

I appreciate your constructive criticism rather than insults like others. I will be completely backing away from her. thank you


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

canuck007 said:


> all valid points. just needed to hear them. i will cut off communication with her. thank you for the advice. please close thread.


Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, give that man a cigar..

It's always perfect in your head, not so much in real life!

Enjoy you're wife, everything changes in an instant.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sure, go ahead and tell Nancy how you feel. And then see how well it works out for you with Mary.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

So. Grow up dude, you can't always get what you want. That's life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Every time you let this person enter your mind, your feelings for her build, and the ones for your wife wane. You say you have a great wife and you get along good. Let me tell you that it is very, very difficult to find that. I also want to mention that what you have in your mind about this Nancy person is NOT reality. It’s like reading a book, vs seeing the book in a movie. The book allows your imagination to run wild, your own mind forming images of whatever it is craving. 
Nancy is doing the same thing. You see her as this awesome, flawless, angelic type person.... she’s not. She’s just a normal person, and very, VERY unlikely to be as good of a woman as your wife, regardless of what you think.

The good feelings you get when you think of Nancy will be turned to deep sadness and regret, exponentially worse—- should you lose your good wife because you lost your feelings for her, or even worse, because you cheated.

Wise up. Don’t fall into this trap. Your mind is playing evil tricks on you. Let your will guide your actions, not your emotions.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

Imagine how you would feel if you found out your wife was feeling something similar about someone who was not you. And considering acting on it in any way.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

canuck007 said:


> all valid points. just needed to hear them. i will cut off communication with her. thank you for the advice. please close thread.


Everybody needs a reminder now and again.


Go buy your wife something special tell her you love her...rekindle some mojo!

Glad you stopped by.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you want to divorce for any reason, I have no moral objections. I would be concerned though that you may not be thinking this through. 

Casual contact with someone is very different from being in a permanent relationship. When you are in a permanent relationship, in addition to fun, a lot of your time with that person is doing chores - laundry, dishes, taking care of kids. All the myriad of things that have to be done in life you are sharing with your spouse.

With a casual friend there is none of that. All your time together is "fun" time. You talk, have food, play golf whatever. Life just seems so much more fun - because you are able to temporarily avoid all the chores. But if you ended up marrying this person you would have to do all those chores with her and she might seem boring.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Things that aren’t fed tend to die; with that in mind, cut any and all contact with the cousin, and never again spend time in her presence unless your wife is also there.

Simultaneously, re-commit yourself to your wife and marriage, taking care to shore up any cracks in the foundation.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

IF HER COUSIN IS SUCH A GREAT CATCH
HOW COME SHE IS STILL SINGLE?
I think you got the best one just
look over beside you!!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Are you from Arkansas?

Oh, wait, you said you had a crush on _her _cousin, not _your _cousin. 

Never mind.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sa58 said:


> IF HER COUSIN IS SUCH A GREAT CATCH
> HOW COME SHE IS STILL SINGLE?
> I think you got the best one just
> look over beside you!!


Now you have a point there.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You kind of sound like me when I was 13/14ish :frown2:


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