# Abandonment issues and commitment issues in marraige for a wife



## grizzly (Jun 24, 2009)

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and have kids. My wife has a promiscuous past, but is also a very sensible women with great independence I admire and nurture. We dated for a year before we made a conscious decision to have kids. I must say my wife's biological clock was also ticking loudly by then.

It was blissful until after the first baby arrived. I love kids and naturally I spend a whole lot of time nurturing them. You could possibly call me Mom without too much irony.

Soon there was an episode of jealousy that I never understood that I put down to post partum depression, but it affected our intimacy greatly and this was something I never got around to reversing or getting a handle on, evidently its gotten worse (the lack of intimacy). 

With Kids who constantly gather my attention, its recently come to the revelation that she does not find me attractive any more, says I don't appreciate her like other people have and is not sure there is a future here with me.

We still are together, but these revelations come to me as a great surprise. I still love her very much and more so than ever. I have always been very involved in house work and managing kids and there is no complaint there.

Its disturbing to be where we are,however I have more of a clue and therefore thankful that I was not driving blind for longer and have a window of working this out.

While I'm surely not faultless, infidelity or being an absent father or husband or a slob was not one of them.

Here is where I want to give a little background on my wife, she comes from a home where here dad abandoned them when she was 4 yrs old, her dad a womanizer. Her alternate father figure was her grandpa, who was not the most loving of grandpa's around, but he was there. When she hit 25 she became very independent, but also embarked on a series of relationships with men and broke a few hearts along the way, but entered marriage only when she met me and a kid was along the way. It will come as no surprise to me to know that she married me only because we had a kid coming along. However, I cannot dismiss that we did have a whale of a time until well after our first baby arrived and it was a great relationship until that point.

She is touchy about her independence and is always keen to stress it, I have rarely if ever constrained her and she is financially independent. She does lack emotional involvement and is very guarded, this is not something that I was totally blind to, but people do come in many shades and colors and I expect that to lift and become less of a problem. However all this will happen only if we continue to be together.

I would like to hear from women who have some similar misgivings or experiences and men who have worked through that with their spouses.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

What sort of shape are you in these days, and have you changed in the last 6 years?

Is she resentful of any thing that has happened or not happened?


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## grizzly (Jun 24, 2009)

Good question I'm in the best shape I've been in a decade. She does seem resentful but I cannot put my finger on it. I have been trying to convey how special she is in many ways, she is still hesitant to engage in improving the relationship


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

grizzly-

The simple truth is, she no longer finds you attractive.

This is either becuase of lack of chemistry, or becuase resentment is clouding her view of you. If she is having an EA or PA, that would not help either.

Did a big dream of hers get shattered when she got pregnant? Career on hold etc? This can produce huge resentment in some women, and also a feeling of dependence.


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