# I don't trust my lying wife



## GregQuincy07 (May 25, 2011)

Hello.
I've been married now for over 2 years ( been together nearly 4 years). My wife has always been the type of person that has preached honesty. She states that she hates it when people aren't being truthful.....so to back this up, right before we got married (2 years ago), there was an incidence when I went out of town to visit a friend (and this was right after we moved in together). She called me at 12:30 or 1:00am in the morning during the time I was out of town just to say "hi and see what I was doing". she never mentioned anyone coming over to see her, not even her best friend. 

Anyway, so I get home at the close of the weekend, and she leaves her phone messages up, and I happen to notice some messages from a guy's name that I've never heard her really talk about, so I looked through the messages, and they were pretty much talking about him coming over, and when he found my truck in the driveway (I rode OOT with a friend), he was very hesitant about coming in judging by the messages....and the last message from him said "you're bad...", and her last message to him said "lol, no I'm not, lol". 

when i confronted her about this, she said that he was just a friend, and they weren't there alone because her best friend was there the entire time. But, if he was such a good friend, then why didn't she bring him up before? anyway, about a couple of months later, she had to go meet him to pick up some things, but he couldn't come to our house, she had to go to her parents house (who were conveniently OOT) to meet him.

the very last text message that I saw from her to him (because I've been checking her phone.....I don't care how people judge me, I can't take lying either) read: "So do you hate me now?" This leads me to believe that there were previous texts that was obviously erased, and I've been haunted by this although she denied it at first, but now as 2 years has gone by, she "can't remember much about that night"...isn't that convenient?

Fast forward to now....we now have a little boy together, and she has been caught in some lies since, but not major ones. For starters, she has started smoking again since she had our son, and the other day I noticed that she had a half pack of cigarettes laying on our table on our porch, and she said that she found them in her car (I wasn't quizzing her or anything, she made a point to bring it up). But then I found a receipt in the floor that mustve fallen out of her purse that had her buying a pack of cigarettes that morning apparently on her way to work. so when i asked her if she bought cigarettes that morning, and why 1/2 of the pack was gone already (she can't smoke at work, or even on the parking lot outside)...she said it's because that's all that was left in the cigarettes she "found" in her car. so i showed her the receipit, and she said she "forgot" about buying cigarettes that morning. After a couple of days went by, we got into another argument, and I just asked her why she was lying to me over stupid things, and she said "because YOU are so judgemental over me".......

I've had this nagging feeling that she's cheated on me before we got married this entire time, and now I don't even believe anything that she tells me. I'm starting to think I don't even want counseling....I just want a fresh start with someone new, but I have my son, who is the most important thing in my life, but I feel like I'm falling out of love with her because I don't trust her.....does anyone have any advice?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So you had a clue to this before you married and did so anyway.

I would wonder who she is sharing the smokes with. No doubt they are the same brand they like. That way if you find them you won't wonder whose they are.

So who was that male friend?

----

I rad your other thread. Hmmmm, some real red flags now. She is not having sex with you. There can be many reasons for that but she could be in an affair. Chicken and egg kinda thing.

Look at this blog if you have not already. http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

I would also get the book if I were you.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

hmm. She sounds like my stbx husband in her logic and behavior. good luck with that.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Paternity test


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Locard said:


> Paternity test


OMG I thought the same thing but didn't want to say it 

She is a cheater. And in your house!  And her parents'! What is she in HS? 

My advice? Tell her you are done and then kick her out to her OM. You know she won't answer questions...I mean, she "forgot" about buying smokes that morning! Is she on DRUGS?!

Yea, let this one go...hard as it is...but, she's a liar. A liar who doesn't care about lying.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

If she is allowing a guy in YOUR house with out telling you when you aren't there that is way wrong.......major red flag. She is a risk taker as well.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

GregQuincy07 said:


> After a couple of days went by, we got into another argument, and I just asked her why she was lying to me over stupid things, and she said "because YOU are so judgemental over me".......


Hogwash. You have plenty of reason to mistrust her; that is not the same thing as being judgmental. And you know that she knows it. She's blowing smoke up your wazoo.

Of course you love your child, but the idea of a paternity test shouldn't be ruled out. If the child is not biologically your own, you have still been the father by virtue of being there and helping to raise him.

I'd suggest you see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row now. I think you're going to need to take action sooner rather than later. 

P.S. - It sounds like you not only married a liar, but a hypocrite as well, in addition to the distinct possibility of being a cheater. Not a list of character traits one desires in a spouse ...


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