# Making that ultimate decision to stay or go



## jasmine (Nov 9, 2009)

So after 3yrs of marriage and one baby now in our lifes together, I am trying to figure out whether leaving my husband is what I really want. I seem to be going back and forth with it.

So for those of you in similar situations how are you trying to weight this up?`

I keep asking myself do I love him? I can't answer that question confidently anymore. Is he a bad person? I can honestly say, despite me not wanting to be with him he has never hit me and generally at home he is a good husband in regards to helping out around the house, taking care of our son etc. He also always puts our family first which is something I cant complain about but I still dont feel happy.

What lacks is the connection, we constantly argue and sometime it is just silly things. I feel like he does not understand me and sometime feel i would be happier with someone else. I also find him insensitive which also drives me crazy. I feel like I cant talk to him without him making some sarcastic comment. But I dont know if that is just an illusion due to being so unhappy or complacency. I also find him irritating most of the time. As for intimacy, i only ever enjoyed sex when we were dating. I no longer feel attracted to him and he has not been taking care of himself recently which is making it even harder. I have never enjoyed it since then. He always seems to do the wrong thing and even when i give him hints i dont like certain things, he still attempts to do it which just makes me more frustrated and not want sex in the end. We have not been intimate properly now since my pregnancy and now even after nothing has happened even though there have been some attempts on both sides. I am finding his personality overall full of flaws. I am not perfect and I know everyone has flaws within their personality but all of his seem the worse right now.

I also feel jealous when i see couples that seem so together, especially where signs of affection that seem so natural. My husband does not display public affection with me and at home I may get the odd kiss on the cheek but i want more than that which does not come naturally for him. We just seem so different, just not sure there is any hope.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your not attracted to him, find him irrating and your dreaming about being with another man. So what's your question?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasmine (Nov 9, 2009)

I am just trying to figure out if any of these is fixable. There was a point earlier in the relationship where i used to be more attracted him. He never used to irriate me so much. As for the dream man, I dont know if he really exists or if im just feeling like the grass is greener. I just dont know at this point. We have been together over 6 years. Also now with our son, things seem more complicated

Sometimes i feel like im living a lie, sometimes things feel not so bad but i always keep coming back to this place of considering to leave.

Has anyone tried a trial separation?


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

Instead of giving hints, how about you be honest and open with how you feel? I would also say you are a grass is greener type of person too. You sound just like my wife, she too wants to seperate in hopes she will miss me which will make her love me again. For a man, this is maddening! Everything is what you make out of it, if you dwell on being unhappy, you will be. If you are motivated to making it work, you will.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

jasmine,

It sounds like there's a lot of negativity in your marriage. The sucky thing about negativity is that it just breeds more negativity. It kind of builds on itself until you reach the point that you no longer even like the person you're married to, or at least that's been my experience.

Have you tried reading The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman? It talks a lot about the kinds of negativity that you guys are experiencing and how to dismantle it. Worth a try if you want to give your marriage one last shot. It's my favorite book on marriage.


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## harlisondavidly (Jul 4, 2011)

jasmine said:


> I am just trying to figure out if any of these is fixable. There was a point earlier in the relationship where i used to be more attracted him. He never used to irriate me so much. As for the dream man, I dont know if he really exists or if im just feeling like the grass is greener. I just dont know at this point. We have been together over 6 years. Also now with our son, things seem more complicated
> 
> Sometimes i feel like im living a lie, sometimes things feel not so bad but i always keep coming back to this place of considering to leave.
> 
> Has anyone tried a trial separation?


Your situation sounds so similar to mine, except longer marriage, 12 years, and 2 kids. I got married very quickly, 12 weeks from first meeting to wedding vows. And most of that time was spent long distance on opposite coasts. The thing that has kept us together probably is our shared common religious beliefs. But since the honeymoon, and actually since before the wedding, I had doubts. Now there are many things that irritate me and I honestly just don't feel attracted to her at all. She is a nice girl, very smart and I admire her talents. But I could say the same for any number of other women I know.


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