# Christian contemplating divorce



## Frostingswirls

But God hates divorce, right? Over 20 yrs ago I promised to love this man in sickness and health - for richer for poorer etc. you get it. Well three months after wedding he told me he was never sexually attracted to me. He despise kissing. Finds it disgusting. Will only kiss me right before sex. Only likes the actual two min sex act. Doesn't like anything else. There's no spiritual or emotional intimacy. Sex ends with us fighting or me crying because the two minutes didn't do it for me so he wonders what's wrong with me. I was first girl he ever dated or kissed. So he has no prior experience. He yells at anything I do wrong. Literally if I load dishwasher wrong I'm either stupid or disrespectful. Calls me names (c&nt) when we fight. Every time I get the nerve up to leave I lose my job. He says it's God showing me I can't divorce him. I've got bad anxiety and depression. I've stopped sleeping with him. I've convinced myself I have cervical cancer and I use that as my no sex reason. My therapist says I did that as a way to emotionally protect myself. How can you be intimate when you are told you are disgusting? He won't go to therapy. There's nothing wrong with him he says. My therapist and parents agree that's I need to consider leaving. Last straw came last night. We got a call from adoption agency. Something we've both wanted. He told them no. That kids are too much work and money. God hates divorce, right? How can I fix myself? He says it's all my fault. What can I do to fix my marriage ?


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## Tasorundo

In my experience most churches and Christians recognize the 3 A's as reasons for divorce (Adultery, Abuse, Addiction).

You definitely have the abuse going on. You need some help, talk with someone at your church if you can.


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## Mr.Fisty

He is abusing you for his shortcoming. He attacks you so he does not focus inward within himself, and if he seeks help, he would have to admit that he is flawed, defective in some ways.

Sounds like he never fully mature mentally and emotionally. Lashing out is what children and teens do, they tend to act more from emotions, because their brains are not fully developed yet, and they also have hormones coursing through their system.

You need a support system, and you need counseling to undo his tear down of your self-worth. You need the help of family,friends, and advice from people who dealt or helps deals in abuse.

Your anxiety may be due to your fear of his next tirade, and your subsequent mental breakdown.

You need to gain some distance, and recover emotionally and mentally. Your pretty much reacting because he is constantly invoking a lot of emotional response to him. With high levels of emotions, logic, and rationale take a backseat.

Leaving him will give you the time to detach, work on your esteem, give time to figure what you want to do with your life, and there is a possible chance of making your husband seek help as well if he is motivated to work on his own end, and works on the damage he has created.

Things are not going to get better, and the longer you stay, the more dysfunctional you become along with him.

If you remember the person you were before you married, I would guess that your nowhere near that person.

I wouldn't be surprise if he is sabotaging your life to keep in control. He needs that control to operate.

If you're going to leave, do it covertly. Tipping your hand to him will only make him act out.

Remember, this is your only life, and you should have some level of fulfillment. You cannot be healthy until you leave what is poisoning you, helping keep you weak, your husband.


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## ScrambledEggs

I can't offer you any theological advice, but maybe you can think of it that it was his abuse that ended the marriage, not you. 

Just as a rhetorical example, if he killed you, he would have ended the marriage. Is it really any different given that his abuse has caused you to leave the marriage? Does god really care what papers where filed with the State or is the covenant made, and broken, in people's hearts?

Get to a place where you can start healing and you will be fine.


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## toonaive

Yea, do your research, consult with an attorney, plan your exit. One you have spent some time away, im sure your anxiety will dissipate.


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## Mr. Nail

I'm from a different branch of Christianity. In general I'm in favor of reconciliation and healing marriages. I firmly believe that God is in favor of marriage.

Now having said all of that I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. God intends you to be Happy. God Heals and Frees.

Many men wrest the scriptures in order to maintain an unrighteous authority. Beware of this.


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## Frostingswirls

Thanks everyone. It's hard to throw away over 20 yrs. and I beleive strongly in marriage being a covenant. That's why I'm so torn. When I tell my therapist or family what he's gotten mad at me for this time, it sounds ridiculous. The things he gets upset over. Like how I load a doshwasher. How I fold clothes. He says if I don't do them his way I'm either stupid or being disrespectful to his wishes. I really want to make this marriage work. He won't seek counseling. All I can do is pray.


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## Fozzy

Frostingswirls said:


> Thanks everyone. It's hard to throw away over 20 yrs. and I beleive strongly in marriage being a covenant. That's why I'm so torn. When I tell my therapist or family what he's gotten mad at me for this time, it sounds ridiculous. The things he gets upset over. Like how I load a doshwasher. How I fold clothes. He says if I don't do them his way I'm either stupid or being disrespectful to his wishes. I really want to make this marriage work. He won't seek counseling. *All I can do is pray*.


No, that's not all you can do. You can also leave.

FWIW, I think most of the churches that do have hangups about divorce actually have the hangups about re-marriage after divorce. The divorce itself is not forbidden in the bible so much as remarriage afterward (although this is also debatable).

In my opinion, your husband has already broken the marriage covenant. He's abandoned you emotionally and sexually. He's abusive. And if he's still this way after 20 years, he's never going to change. You need to pack your bags and don't look back.


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## Catherine602

Think of it this way. Your husband has violated several of the tenets laid out in the Bible. Love a spouse like Christ loves the church is the most egregious violation among many. He sins at each opportunity you give him to abuse you. Save him from himself and dump his azz. 

As for you? You have endured this hell for longer than a loving God allows. Take yourself away and recieve the rewards of a good and loyal and loving person. Get away from this evil man. 

BTW why do you assume he is the judge of what is right or wrong? Who is he to judge you? Why do you let him? Get out of this, heal yourself and fix your picker. Date until you discover what you need in a partner and to find someone worthy of you. Peace 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away

Separation, God advises separation.

That and tell your pastor, if you truly desire to obey the word of God, you will bring this to the church, and then separate.

If you want to get literal, God does not command that a wife not divorce her husband, he commands that husbands not divorce their wives.

Wives were the weaker vessels, they had less right of passage than the men, men like Hosea were obliged to stand firm as rocks, much like Christ is to the church. However you are being abused, and as the weaker vessel, God does not expect you to comply, or stand and take it till you die.


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## gouge_away

1 Corinthians 7:11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

The law did not permit wives to initiate divorce, so, they would just pack up and leave, if the husband didn't serve her, she couldn't remarry, else she would be married to multiple men, remember the woman at the well, she walked away from 5 husbands, they never divorced her, but she was married yet to all 5, that's why Jesus said, you have 5 husbands, and the man she is with isn't one of them...

Now are laws have progressed, and women can initiate divorce.

I can't say whether you are held to the law according to Paul (he did say "I command, not the Lord") because Jesus only said, a husband causes his wife to commit adultery if he divorces her and she marries another.

Jesus will not/cannot leave you, but you can leave Him, if you choose.


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## ConanHub

Divorce. Christian and ordained here and I would read your H the riot act if I knew him and advise you to divorce.

He abuses you, a very strong case can be made for sexual immorality and he is fulfilling almost none of the obligations of a husband not least of all to love his wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

A Christian is not someone who just says that's what they are/believe.

Your husband is not a Christian based on how he treats you. 

Conan is right. They way he treats you sexually is immoral. He has not been a husband. He left your marriage a long time ago. 

Corinthians 7

15 But if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in such cases. But God hath called us in peace.


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## brownmale

You'll be surprised how common this is, specially in long-term relationships. Except that in most cases the persons doing the complaining about being sex-starved are the guys. In recent years, this has shifted somewhat, with women too facing the problem.

My 'sexual awakening' (also no sexual experience before marriage, no sisters or women to grow up with) came, believe it or not, from reading a lot of sexually-explicit guides and sometimes even pornography.

It's easy to not be attracted anymore to the body you married say 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 or 20 years ago. But with a little bit of imagination, he needs to realise that sex can be pleasurable too.

In my experience, a guy who doesn't attain some form of sexual satisfaction in a marriage/relationship will be grumpy, angry, fighty and stressed all the time. It can change his personality. We often don't recognise this. Women too face sexual frustration, though it could show up in a different way.


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## HuggyBear

I read this whole thread, and basically got the gist of most replies falling under:


Tasorundo said:


> In my experience most churches and Christians recognize the 3 A's as reasons for divorce (Adultery, Abuse, Addiction)...


Unfortunately, I guess, Christ is definitely on the record as not allowing divorce, except for a wife's immoraltiy, ever. Matthew 19 is pretty clear... unless you're one of "those christians" or follow one of "those churches", of course. (It's worth mention that Jesus commanded all of his followers to follow ALL of the laws of the Jews - not just the Ten Commandments, but he SPECIFICALLY forbade the Jewish allowances for divorce.)

Is there anyone who could stay with you for an extended visit - perhaps a relative, visiting friend, or even an exchange student - that would likely put some damper on your husband's admittedly intolerable behavior?

With some kind of "buffer" you could each continue to live your lives, and perhaps because of a third person/witness, allow your husband to wake up and realize he has to change something, if even just to look better to another person in his home.
On the other hand, an extra person around might be good if you do decide to divorce, just to keep things civil.

In the end, it will all come down to your own "faith", whether it's ALL of what the Jesus is known to have said, or whether you choose to believe in just the "good parts" for yourself.

Sure, there are potholes on the road to salvation, but because you make your own. You'll still get there.


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## unbelievable

The purpose of the law is to show us how unworthy we are and in need of salvation. For everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. The same God that gave life to all creatures also gave animals the ability to hide, escape, fight, and kill.
You were not created in the image of God to be abused, belittled, or imprisoned. 
My mom (a devout Christian) was physically and psychologically abused by my dad for many years. I'm sure she engaged in the same self-debate you are having. While she was with my dad, she was a half person, maybe a quarter person. She couldn't be all that God expected and planned for her. She eventually left my dad and ultimately married a decent Christian man. Together, they run a business, a church, and a non-profit ministry for the poor. She is now a whole person and a far more effective servant for God. I can't imagine that a loving God would prefer his child be abused. Maybe because she left him, my dad started getting his head screwed on straight and now he, too, is a far better person and he is married to a stronger woman whom he treats with respect. 
When the books of the Bible were written, women were basically property, themselves, and had no property rights. If a man divorced his wife back then, she was condemned to be a beggar or a prostitute. The same Bible that says it's a sin to commit adultery also says a deceased man's brother is supposed to have sex with his brother's widow. Again, any historical writing (even the Bible) has to be viewed in the context of the times it was written. Property was handed down through male heirs, so having a son was vital for a widow's survival. 
I've got a couple daughters whom I love. I know God loves them even more. I couldn't bear the thought of my children living in an abusive relationship and I'm only a miserable, sinful, mortal. I really can't imagine that a God who knitted you in the womb in his own image, who knows exactly how many hairs are on your head, who actually feels everything in your heart, would be pleased to watch you merely exist in an abusive relationship. I think He would be especially displeased if He thought you were trapped only because you believed it was His will. If He didn't pick this guy for you, why would you blame Him for your continued unhappiness?


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## gouge_away

By the time Jesus spoke about marriage, the divorce rate was far worse then that of today. Men in particular would marry and divorce 5 or six times. The women would just leave then men, and until the man gave her a written divorce she was not allowed to remarry, lest she faced death or banishment for adultery.
-Josephus

In Hebrews Paul talks of a wife, so miserable, that she waits for her elder husband to die, so that she can be released from her depravity. Now Paul is talking about Israel and the depravity of sin, but the metaphor does draw parallel to marriage, because God created marriage as a metaphor for His relationship to mankind.

Hon, you are enslaved, God calls us to freedom, He hates divorce, He delights in obedience, but that doesn't mean that you are called to fall on your sword for an unrighteous man.

God hates oppression, strife, and a trite spirit. God hates abuse. What is marriage, if you stand better alone, what is marriage if your spouse is not there to build you up, what is marriage if your spouse is what beats you down.

God calls us to be free.

Don't resent your faith because you feel enslaved by its convictions.

Thank God for your freedom to turn your back on evil.


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## EleGirl

Frostingswirls,

If you feel that you cannot divorce because of your religious beliefs, there is something that you can do. You can live separately.

There is what is called a "legal separation" in most states. This was created for circumstances exactly like this. It gives you the protections of a divorce without it being an actual divorce. 

Perhaps you should see a lawyer and investigate this path.


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## Blonde

Frostingswirl

That God hates divorce is not the same thing as God *forbidding *divorce

The Bible says that God has *experienced* divorce; in fact God was the *initiator* of the Divorce:

God Speaking: "_I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery" Jer 3:8_​God hates the pain, but the piece of paper stamped by a judge is not the “divorce”. The divorce happened when the covenant was broken and trampled without regard nor remorse.

Read the Old Testament passage where the phrase "God hates divorce" comes from: Malachi 2 It is the covenant breaking that God hates

Click here for the Greek word used in the New Testament passages speaking of divorce “put away” Notice the definition includes: neglect, disregard, abandon, to leave one by not taking him as a companion.


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## gouge_away

Because Joseph was a righteous man he chose to put away Mary quietly.

Here the word describes a man divorcing his espoused bride as a righteous man.

He could have chosen to banish her publicly, probably even having her beaten, but he choose the righteous way out.


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## OnTheFly

gouge_away said:


> Because Joseph was a righteous man he chose to put away Mary quietly.
> 
> Here the word describes a man divorcing his espoused bride as a righteous man.
> 
> He could have chosen to banish her publicly, probably even having her beaten, but he choose the righteous way out.


I agree with everything you've said in this thread, except the part about Joseph. He wasn't divorcing her from a state of being fully married. They were only betrothed. The Bible says if you find some 'unclean-ness' in her, you could put them away. When she was found to be preggo, and Joseph knew he wasn't the father it was his right to break the engagement/betrothel. He would have been in full compliance of the old Testament law. 

In Frostyswirls case, Biblically speaking she could separate herself from him and remain single or be reconciled….remarriage is not allowed. Sometimes it's not easy being a follower of the Way. 

Unfortunately this is also a good example to explain to your kids and the youngsters in your church community of the importance of choosing wisely your spouse.


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## gouge_away

Their marriage wasn't consummated, you are correct.

Their is a good chance (should she legally separate) he would eventually file a response to divorce her.
Then she is free.


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## OnTheFly

gouge_away said:


> Their marriage wasn't consummated, you are correct.
> 
> Their is a good chance (should she legally separate) he would eventually file a response to divorce her.
> Then she is free.


She would, indeed, be free from him, but not free to remarry. 

Despite being legally divorced, in God's eyes she would still be married…..as expressed in the phrases…..'what God has put together let no man put asunder', and 'til death do you part'.


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## ScrambledEggs

OnTheFly said:


> She would, indeed, be free from him, but not free to remarry.
> 
> Despite being legally divorced, in God's eyes she would still be married…..as expressed in the phrases…..'what God has put together let no man put asunder', and 'til death do you part'.


Honest question. How do we know that God put together the marriage in the first place? Moreover if we assume that he did, why not assume that a divorce, particularly in these circumstances, is not also of the same origin?


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## gouge_away

ScrambledEggs said:


> Honest question. How do we know that God put together the marriage in the first place? Moreover if we assume that he did, why not assume that a divorce, particularly in these circumstances, is not also of the same origin?


Marriage is from God, divorce is not from God.


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## ScrambledEggs

gouge_away said:


> Marriage is from God, divorce is not from God.


Apparently not always:



> God Speaking: "I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery" Jer 3:8



But more to the point the OP's husband admitted he was never attracted to her which I'd say means he never entered into the marriage convenient honestly himself. He deceived her.

Was God a partner in his deception and are False marriages from God also? Of course not, but then all these references to the text that counsel her to spend the rest of her life a spinster, probably with a troop of 64 cats, do not seem to apply. The State would not go for an annulment, but I know there are churches that would accept this admission as grounds for a spiritual annulment. Catholics for example. 

I know everyone means well, but giving that sort of life long advice to someone without direct and independent knowledge of the people involved, like a local pastor or IC might, seems like a an overreach.


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## FormerSelf

Frostingswirls,

Jesus' concerns in Matt 5:31-32 is the dishonorable act of "righteous men of the law" creating frivolous reasons to divorce their spouse, yet still act as if they themselves are righteous. 

The original law was abused by men in an era where women in an ancient near-eastern honor/shame culture bore the brunt of community shame when discarded by her husband and had no recourse to rebuild their lives when they had been scapegoated undeservedly. A certificate of divorce was meant to be for righteous reasons (such as adultery), but the men were creating loopholes (because they operated within the law and not by spiritual love) to get out of marriage for their own selfish reasons and the shame was still being dumped upon the hapless women who lived within an era of honor/shame community standards that made her an adulteress if she tried to remarry. 

Jesus, in this passage is shaming men who turned away their wives into community dishonor...when they were innocent...and were more than likely being victimized because their husbands were looking for a way out in order to "legally" remarry someone else.

People still get divorced for frivolous reasons, but emotional abuse is not frivolous. Yes, God hates divorce and I believe would want for us to dig deep and seek reconciliation and honor our vows, but what do you do when your spouse is not honoring his/her vows? Love? Honor? Cherish? Seems to me that you have been misled and that your husband isn't walking with the Lord and is only using Scripture for control.

Refuse to be scapegoated or guilted. This is abuse, and you don't have to take it anymore.


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## Blossom Leigh

You fix this by no longer tolerating his abuse, my Christian Sister. One way or another, by taking it to the church, boundaries, separation or divorce, or all of those, his abuse MUST be addressed. Part of being his helpmate is choosing not to enable his evil behavior. I walked this road. I have many resources in my signature line that will help you learn to no longer tolerate it and to make a stand against evil behaviors he is choosing toward you.


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## unbelievable

ScrambledEggs said:


> Honest question. How do we know that God put together the marriage in the first place? Moreover if we assume that he did, why not assume that a divorce, particularly in these circumstances, is not also of the same origin?


God pretty clearly told us what his idea of a decent husband (and wife) were. If someone maintains communication with God, studies, and speaks to Him frequently even before looking for a guy or gal, they aren't likely to end up with someone He wouldn't approve of. Instead of looking for a cute partner, a rich partner, a funny partner, or exciting partner, if we set out asking Him to send us the partner that He wants, our outcomes would be very different. 

I'll readily admit I have messed up more than once in the mate-selection department and on each occasion, I had to ignore His written guidance before I made a mistake. I don't believe you're going to find God's perfect mate for you in a bar. You won't be shacking up with them before marriage. You won't be dealing with their drug or alcohol addictions. You won't be exchanging nude selfies with them. They won't be encouraging you to commit adultery. They won't be in constant strife with their parents or their employer. They won't be miserable being alone.


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## gouge_away

unbelievable said:


> God pretty clearly told us what his idea of a decent husband (and wife) were. If someone maintains communication with God, studies, and speaks to Him frequently even before looking for a guy or gal, they aren't likely to end up with someone He wouldn't approve of. Instead of looking for a cute partner, a rich partner, a funny partner, or exciting partner, if we set out asking Him to send us the partner that He wants, our outcomes would be very different.
> 
> I'll readily admit I have messed up more than once in the mate-selection department and on each occasion, I had to ignore His written guidance before I made a mistake. I don't believe you're going to find God's perfect mate for you in a bar. You won't be shacking up with them before marriage. You won't be dealing with their drug or alcohol addictions. You won't be exchanging nude selfies with them. They won't be encouraging you to commit adultery. They won't be in constant strife with their parents or their employer. They won't be miserable being alone.


And just because you got stuck with a Leah, doesn't mean your Rachel isn't worth waiting for the 2nd time around.


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## Divinely Favored

FWIW....JMHO

The way he acts, I do not believe he is saved. 

Separate from the abuse and if the non-believing spouse wants to divorce, the bible says to "let them go, you are free" and you can re-marry. 

If the other spouse decides to get a GF/BF and commits adultery...
there is your grounds...you are free and can remarry.

If they see the error of their ways, are repentant and asks for your forgiveness....you are called to try to reconcile....you are not free to divorce him and remarry.

But I do not see his behavior as someone who would choose that route.


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## pana1089

1. God hates divorce and he requires commitment. Marriage is a union of two individuals who make a commitment/covenant to spend their life together and meet each other's needs. If one of the partners did not enter marriage with this frame or mind one has to wonder if it is a true marriage. God sees our hearts and is a witness to marriages from creation. He knows our hearts and knows when a marriage act meets his design. 

2. God hates divorce but he does not require us to maintain a façade of a marriage under false pretext. A spouse may still be in the house physically but if their heart is not in the relationship they are absent from the relationship. We are to love as Christ loves the church. Christ will reach out to us for so long when we step out of line but at some time he pulls back and lets us suffer the consequences of our conduct (tough love). He does not coerce or beg for obedience. He simply requires it. If a spouse will not live up to their marital commitments the other spouse could separate (not divorce) from the relationship and let the offender suffer the consequences of their behavior. When the Israelites continued in their disobedience God declared his covenant with them as void; voided due to their disobedience and failure to live up to the spirit of the covenant.


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## Mr The Other

Frostingswirls said:


> But God hates divorce, right? Over 20 yrs ago I promised to love this man in sickness and health - for richer for poorer etc. you get it. Well three months after wedding he told me he was never sexually attracted to me. He despise kissing. Finds it disgusting. Will only kiss me right before sex. Only likes the actual two min sex act. Doesn't like anything else. There's no spiritual or emotional intimacy. Sex ends with us fighting or me crying because the two minutes didn't do it for me so he wonders what's wrong with me. I was first girl he ever dated or kissed. So he has no prior experience. He yells at anything I do wrong. Literally if I load dishwasher wrong I'm either stupid or disrespectful. Calls me names (c&nt) when we fight. Every time I get the nerve up to leave I lose my job. He says it's God showing me I can't divorce him. I've got bad anxiety and depression. I've stopped sleeping with him. I've convinced myself I have cervical cancer and I use that as my no sex reason. My therapist says I did that as a way to emotionally protect myself. How can you be intimate when you are told you are disgusting? He won't go to therapy. There's nothing wrong with him he says. My therapist and parents agree that's I need to consider leaving. Last straw came last night. We got a call from adoption agency. Something we've both wanted. He told them no. That kids are too much work and money. God hates divorce, right? How can I fix myself? He says it's all my fault. What can I do to fix my marriage ?


I doubt God is a fan of sex only lasting two minutes either. God hates misery and suffering, but we see it everywhere. The first thing to do is accept things as they are. This message reads as though it was written at a really low spot, but even so it sounds like you are suffering and that you have a **** husband (he may be great in other ways). This marriage cannot be saved and turned into a true spiritual and sexual union by not legally divorcing, it is still not a proper marriage. Understand, that your feeling pain is not what God wants for you.

You mention the adoption agency but not the context. Could the context be a trigger for his anger?


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## Mr The Other

peacem said:


> This was a big issue to me and one of the reasons I left my church and never looked back. They tend to pick and choose who they will accept and support a divorcee and who they will marginalize and point the finger. The trouble with my church (and I am sure many more like it) is they have very black and white thinking. It is very gossipy, cliquey, with a pick n mix of rules that you are not necessarily privy to until they decide you have broken them.
> 
> If you decide to divorce LET NOBODY judge you. Nobody has lived your life, nobody has your emotions and past history, nobody has lived with your H or seen the manipulations, mind games - the constant demoralization. Your God will have seen it all and felt your unhappiness. And frankly it is nobody's business but yours. Jesus said a lot about how we should live our lives but he also said he without sin should cast the first stone. He totally understood the complexities of life and understood the value of leaving the past in the past. I actually think its a sin to perpetuate unhappiness within ourselves. We are privileged people who only get one stab at life and spend it unwisely (ie with someone we do not love and abuses us) is not very Christian imo. I don't believe God hates divorce - what purpose would that serve. To keep someone permanently unhappy and then expect them to do his work. No. God wants his children to be happy, if the Christian faith is correct, he paid a high price for us and therefore he should be protecting his investment. He wants the best for us.
> 
> My sister divorced around 15 years ago and the people from her church wanted nothing to do with her despite the years of service she had given them regarding youth work and music. Not one person contacted her to pray with her or to ask her version of events. Even now she is only just opening up about moments of mental abuse or weird control tactics that were so daily she couldn't even see them as abuse. Her church were judge and jury over information they only got from one side. That is not very Christian in my book. But the good thing about everything that happen is that she got so angry with the church that she was determined to live her life to the full despite them. Getting angry is sometimes very essential in healing.
> 
> Its your life. Go live it.


Once I would have been shocked to hear there. Now, I realise it is fairly common.

I am not sure that being angry is essential in healing. I think it is likely and acknowledging that it is really there and accepting it is important.


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## Mr The Other

peacem said:


> Anger stops us from being passive. We are taught from being young children that getting angry is wrong, it is also something that is often frowned upon within the Christian community. It is a very important emotion if executed correctly and positively. When someone divorces they usually go through stages of grieving. Anger is a natural stage of grieving which sets us on the road to healing and forgiveness, if we don't get angry we get stuck at sadness. We should all become 'positively' angry from time to time. Its our minds way of giving us a shove in the right direction.


I will disagree slightly. It is important to be aware of your anger and accept that you are angry. 

I someone pushes a child in front of a train, the first thing to do is get the child out of the way of the train. The second thing is to capture the person who did it. With anger, the focus moves to how I feel about that person doing it and there is no time for that. However, as well as action, we also have inhibition that cautions us that action may harm us and we will have anger. As long as we are aware of all these feelings (and it sometimes needs someone to point them out to us) we can let them go.


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## Bibi1031

Mr. Nail said:


> I'm from a different branch of Christianity. In general I'm in favor of reconciliation and healing marriages. I firmly believe that God is in favor of marriage.
> 
> Now having said all of that I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. God intends you to be Happy. God Heals and Frees.



Great post and I'm with you all the way.

If you have a relationship with your living God, he will tell you exactly what to do. He can set you free from a husband HE considers unworthy. God will indeed free you and heal you.


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## Threeblessings

From what you have written, I doubt that it can be fixed. There seems to be a lot of resentment and it is true that how we are treated outside of the bedroom determines how it goes in the bedroom. Like you I also cannot separate my emotions just like that. My soon to be ex-husband called me a ton of names but I came to realise that I am not any of the things he said, he only knows how to hurt me, maybe your husband is the same. I know people that have divorced for reasons other than adultery, Christians included. Remember God is forgiving and sometimes we can just say you know what 'I really can't take this anymore'. All the best with everything.


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