# Woman - Please help me with this one



## JamaicaWI (May 20, 2012)

I don't even know where to start. 

We have been married over 12 years have 2 beautiful daughters. I am 50, weigh in about 200lb and she is 40 and about 240lbs – she is beautiful to me and attracted to me. 

We use to live in the UK and moved to the Caribbean where both of us want to be. I thought this would help our relationship to become closer. 

I am the sole worker and provide well for the family. I love my wife so very much and I know she loves me (I think). But the emotion and affection is just not there. Whenever we talk she always turns it around and I seem to be the one to get the blame. She says it's because of the things I do, then she says she's just not that kind, yet I see her show affection to many different people and family where ever we go. 

I must admit sex is great with us and we do it quite often (3 – 4 times weekly). 
But I believe it is not me that is turning her on. She reads online romance novels all the time and I know this turns her on. I am ok with it, except there is never enough time for us. But it has its advantages and that is where sex is concerned, it turns her on enough to want sex from me (or she masturbates when I am not home). 

Unfortunately, that sex is not romantic. She still doesn’t like me to kiss her on the lips at all. And I can never suck her breasts unless she is just about to reach her orgasm. This frustrates me because I love to suck her breasts.

I do satisfy her and she does cum. But I still have to be the one to initiate it. And I don’t think she really enjoys it with me, but she does know her body enough to be able to cum.

I tried looking online for questions I had regarding our relationship. I never realized how many other husbands are in the same situation. 

I know I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not. I am always the one to initiate sex, hugs, and kisses, holding hands, touching etc. or any type of physical contact. 

I don't understand why she's so cold to me. 

I love her with all my heart, but she is breaking me down. 
I do the washing of dishes and keeping the house clean, not as a chore but because I enjoy it and want to take the stress from her.

It seems that this will never end. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn't make me feel loved at all. I want her to want to be with me without me asking her to. 

I am at a loss as to what I should do. I sometimes feel that she only wants me around because I provide well for the family. 

I am also worried that because I need affection so much I can easily be tempted to look for it elsewhere. 

My wife is so negative towards me. This morning when we got up she asked me to look in the mirror and notice the lines in my face. 

When I did this she told me that I need to smile more because my face looked droopy. At work other women tell me that I have lovely laugh lines in my face and how I look so young. Why does my wife have to be so negative with me?

One thing I know may be a major factor here. My wife was abused when she was a child (by her father – the bas%^$rd). I do agree and believe that this has a lot to do with it. I know that many women in this situation have had some form of abuse or other. 

My wife has been to therapists in the past but they don’t last very long. My wife herself has studied counseling and counsels many other people especially at church and even does seminars to help women.

As a Christian, divorce is not an option. Praying however is a key thing to do (also fasting). But the road is long and all I can say is never give up.

I get an unusual guilty sense of a little satisfaction knowing that there are many others out there who are suffering the same as I am. 

My advice to those of you out there is, please guys don’t give up. I am going to keep on trying again with her simply because I read this blog. 

It would be good to hear from some women who are reading this and see if they can help. Maybe you are a woman who was abused and has a husband who is begging for affection. Why not open up and write your feelings – it may help some of us frustrated guys out here writing in at all odd times of the night.

Please do write in and let me know your thoughts. I really need the help now. I have nowhere else to turn.

Stay blessed.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Has she always been cold in that way? Remember that different people have different love languages or emotional needs. She may be a person who doesn't need a lot of physical touch. 
I was abused and I have some issues but I have tried very hard to work through it. 
It could be that her breasts were a major part of the abuse, you did mean sexual abuse right? 
I'm sorry she doesn't enjoy those things and that she is being critical of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I think you may also be able to benefit from the turning down the thermostat thread they have here. You could take a look at it as well as perhaps the no more mr nice guy thread. It may have some things that could help you out.


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## JamaicaWI (May 20, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Has she always been cold in that way? Remember that different people have different love languages or emotional needs. She may be a person who doesn't need a lot of physical touch.
> I was abused and I have some issues but I have tried very hard to work through it.
> It could be that her breasts were a major part of the abuse, you did mean sexual abuse right?
> I'm sorry she doesn't enjoy those things and that she is being critical of you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you diwali23 - No my wife has not always been that way as far as I am aware. I mean with regards to the affection. 

When we first were getting to know each other she was much more affectionate. I don't want to say it is because of the children but before we had them I believe there was much more emotion and affection in our marriage. 

With regards to her breasts I cannot really tell if she was like that before. Because maybe she put up with it during those times. Yes, she was sexually abused from age 9 and this led her to become a very self confessed promiscuous person with many partners before she met me. 

When we met she put all that away and together we both gave ourselves to Christianity which is where we are happily today.

I have read the book about love languages (5 love Languages by Gary Chapman) and I do try to follow it as much as I can.

But I will keep on trying. Reading your reply has helped me understand a little. Thanks


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## JamaicaWI (May 20, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I think you may also be able to benefit from the turning down the thermostat thread they have here. You could take a look at it as well as perhaps the no more mr nice guy thread. It may have some things that could help you out.


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