# At wits end



## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

My wife is a serial cheater, it would seem. A few weeks ago, we went to a local pub to have dinner. She got pretty drunk and I found out from my 12 year old boy that he found her in the ladies toilet with another man when I asked him to find out why she was taking so long in the toilets. She claims that they only kissed, and she freaked out when he took his penis out, but that is obviously rubbish. Fast forward one week, and I had to go abroad again to go back to work. I work in Antwerp, and stressed that monogamy is the most important part of a relationship, (something that I stressed when we first met 14 years ago). I installed monitoring software on her phone and within an hour of me leaving she texted the guy from the pub. The following day she was on shag sites sending naked pictures of herself to random strangers in the area. I quit my job and took the next flight back to the UK. I am now unemployed and my family are in **** because of her actions. Why do people cheat???? The most selfish people in the world are destroying families for the sake of a quick shag.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

poshsquash said:


> My wife is a serial cheater, it would seem. A few weeks ago, we went to a local pub to have dinner. She got pretty drunk and I found out from my 12 year old boy that he found her in the ladies toilet with another man when I asked him to find out why she was taking so long in the toilets. She claims that they only kissed, and she freaked out when he took his penis out, but that is obviously rubbish. Fast forward one week, and I had to go abroad again to go back to work. I work in Antwerp, and stressed that monogamy is the most important part of a relationship, (something that I stressed when we first met 14 years ago). I installed monitoring software on her phone and within an hour of me leaving she texted the guy from the pub. The following day she was on shag sites sending naked pictures of herself to random strangers in the area. I quit my job and took the next flight back to the UK. I am now unemployed and my family are in **** because of her actions.* Why do people cheat???? *The most selfish people in the world are destroying families for the sake of a quick shag.




This thread might offer some insight 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/166945-what-do-think-makes-people-cheat.html


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Ditch her before you get an STD. Expose to family what she's doing.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

WhiteRaven said:


> Ditch her before you get an STD. Expose to family what she's doing.


:iagree:


Her behavior screams serial cheater and the fact that she was willing to "kiss" some guys in the *bathroom of pub* should tell you a lot if she isn't now she will be an STD risk believe it. 



Get far away from her ASAP


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

WhiteRaven said:


> Ditch her before you get an STD. Expose to family what she's doing.


Unfortunately, not an option. She is the mother of my 3 children. This episode has caused me to slash my wrists and not sleep since. I am a wreck emotionaly and physically. I love her to bits, just don't understand the constant messing around. Whenever I confront her, it just results in her denying everything. Not really looking for advise, just venting my anger at why people cheat. Really, what is the point if it destroys your family life?? 

Previously caught her on ******************. I have since setup several profiles on ************* aswell as other shag and affair sites with random photos to find out the identities of these people and expose their antics to their Husbands. Hopefully, this will disuade people from using these sites in the first place. Maybe other people on here could do the same?

I have already exposed 2 people. It is really quite simple once they reveal their name and location. Both people I exposed had facebook pages with their husbands listed as partners on FB.

EDIT: Star blocking is asshley maddisson - had to spell wrong to prevent block.


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## Luvmyjava (Feb 9, 2014)

To be blunt..

Why bother?

It's obvious what you're dealing with. Is it worth your emotional grief?


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Then get here in individual counseling then she has some real behavior problems that needs to be addressed before you can work on anything else.



Personally i'd opt for D


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Hate to be a downer here, but since you can't separate yourself from your adulterous wife, I guess you'll just have to put up with it, because I don't think she's ever going to stop. She's having too much fun and she knows you're not going to do anything about it.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

poshsquash said:


> Unfortunately, not an option. She is the mother of my 3 children. This episode has caused me to slash my wrists and not sleep since. I am a wreck emotionaly and physically. I love her to bits, just don't understand the constant messing around. Whenever I confront her, it just results in her denying everything. Not really looking for advise, just venting my anger at why people cheat. Really, what is the point if it destroys your family life??


Unfortunately, the way she's going she will die of AIDS in the next 5 years or so. Stay with her and even you'll catch it. Who'll raise your kids? Also do you want your kids to grow up seeing a whiny daddy and a slvty mommy? Vent, cry, slash your wrists all you want. Something goes wrong with your slashing and your kids end up with a dead daddy as their bday present. Your wife's busy banging up random strangers and you are whining here saying D isn't an option. Does either of you care for your kids? I ask you this because the way things are going, your marriage isn't the ideal environment to raise children to be mature, responsible adults. Only a man with a hairy pair of balls can raise kids like they should be. Start acting when you decide to become that man.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If you don't get rid of her, not only will you be slashing your wrists but she'll slash your throat.

Look friend. You got three kids and a unstable wife so why don't you stop with the dramatics, act like a responsible parent, take charge and be there for your kids because she sure as hell isn't. 

So far the kids are the ones getting the royal shaft. One parent cant keep their legs together and the other is too damn weak to stand up to her and do the right thing. If you love your kids then be the parent they can look up to and go to for support, comfort and security. What you two have done is nothing more than leave your children hang out to dry. 

Wise up and do the right thing for you children. 

Things like this really piss me off when both parents cant see that their putting their own self before the kids. You can be a good parent to your children and still unload that loser if you want to so start doing it.


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

6301 said:


> If you don't get rid of her, not only will you be slashing your wrists but she'll slash your throat.
> 
> Look friend. You got three kids and a unstable wife so why don't you stop with the dramatics, act like a responsible parent, take charge and be there for your kids because she sure as hell isn't.
> 
> ...


Well thankyou for your advise. It does seem rather misgiven as you have no idea about what our family life is like. My wife is a very good Mother. I believe that I am a very good Father. 

Yes, I have very real concerns regarding monogomy. I am here actually because I have nobody else that I can talk to regarding this. What I don't need is self-righteous people, moralising about my Children. 

So, sorry if I am pissing you off, but maybe if you were to actually listen to people rather than moralise, you would be heard more.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So you can't leave, but you can slash your wrists, because that's ok for the children? That makes no sense; what is it going to accomplish? To try to guilt her into staying faithful? If you're at that point you don't have a marriage. If you were a gf I'd tell you to either get rid of her or accept that this is what she does and focus on your own life.

Let me ask you this: has your wife ever tried to leave and you've threatened suicide?
Or does she want you and affairs on the side?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Sorry. Only reacting to information you gave us. You're on a site where probably 90% of the people here have faced situations similar to those you've described. If you don't want to hear advice from those who know, then perhaps you're in the wrong place. Just understand, we really do care about what you're going through. The fact that you have children only makes the situation worse. And at the risk of incurring further wrath on your part, how great a mother is she if she's involved with other men in this way. Sooner or later your little ones are going to turn to the fact that their mom is acting "funny." Kids are pretty smart, more so than we sometimes give them credit for.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

poshsquash said:


> My wife is a very good Mother. I believe that I am a very good Father.


A question - would you feel proud or ashamed and disgusted if your kids exhibited either your wife's or your behavior? Please think and answer.

A good mother doesn't sleep around. A good father doesn't slash his wrists.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

poshsquash said:


> Well thankyou for your advise. It does seem rather misgiven as you have no idea about what our family life is like. *My wife is a very good Mother.* I believe that I am a very good Father.
> 
> Yes, I have very real concerns regarding monogomy. I am here actually because I have nobody else that I can talk to regarding this. What I don't need is self-righteous people, moralising about my Children.
> 
> So, sorry if I am pissing you off, but maybe if you were to actually listen to people rather than moralise, you would be heard more.


Your wife is a very good mother who let your son bust her in a bar bathroom with another man. She's damn near a saint!

You need to kick that pedestal out from under her. She's not that great a mom.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

OP this is what you told us about your wife thus far


1.My wife was in the ladies toilet with another man "kissing"

2.sending naked pictures of herself to random strangers

3.setup several profiles on shag and affair sites 

4.she texted the guy from the pub with in a week

5.caused you to slash your wrists and not sleep since


Then you say this *I love her to bits, just don't understand the constant messing around*


*YOUR WIFE IS A SERIAL CHEATER WAKE UP*


we cant help you if you don't want to be help


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

xakulax said:


> OP this is what you told us about your wife thus far
> 
> 
> 1.My wife was in the ladies toilet with another man "kissing"
> ...



I realise this. I just don't want it to be so.

Sorry.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PoshSquash, sorry you had to come here, but I am glad you found us.

Firstly, self harm is not good as if you succeed, who would look after your children?

Secondly, you need to look after your own medical needs. See your doctor get him to prescribe something for you.

Check out your legal options with a local solicitor. The first 30 minutes are usually free.

Keep coming here. Because for obvious, and rather unfortunate reasons, we have a wealth of experience with coping with infidelity.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

poshsquash said:


> My wife is a very good Mother.















> So, sorry if I am pissing you off, but maybe if you were to actually listen to people rather than moralise, you would be heard more.


Save this anger for your "good" mother of a wife. You heard him fine, go get mental help, get some medicine and realize no one is worth harming yourself over. NO ONE.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is your wife suffering from a mental health issue, by any chance?


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> *Your wife is a very good mother who let your son bust her in a bar bathroom with another man. She's damn near a saint!*
> You need to kick that pedestal out from under her. She's not that great a mom.


Sarcastic, but a valid observation.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Is your wife suffering from a mental health issue, by any chance?


Really?

By the way, I would swear this thread is almost identical to one I have seen here before.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Really?
> 
> By the way, I would swear this thread is almost identical to one I have seen here before.


Interesting.

Sadly it probably happens every week in at least one British pub, though not involving the children, hopefully.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Posh, 

I had a wonderful mother until I was seven years old. My mother was a scitzophrenic and she lost her marbles when I was seven.

She never received medication or help because you can't force someone to get help if they are not physically harming anyone. 

A very long story but in the end, it was my dad who saved his children. 

Now my dad was no special guy. He was and still is an average joe.

When my mom went crazy, his world was turned upside down too.

We had to sell our house and move out of our neighborhood. Everything changed for our family very quickly. 

I can look back now and thank my lucky stars that my average joe dad stepped up and saved his children.

Please give your children a chance. It made all the difference in my life to get away from my mentally ill mother and live a more stable life.

My mom is still mentally I'll and I do not hate her, I just hate her illness. At the root, my mother is a very good person who did horrible things because she has an illness. 

Please get a hold of yourself and put your children first. 

Is your wife working? Are there family counseling services available where you live?

Please get the help YOU need in order to organize your chaotic life right now.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

xakulax said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> Her behavior screams serial cheater and the fact that she was willing to "kiss" some guys in the *bathroom of pub* should tell you a lot if she isn't now she will be an STD risk believe it.
> ...


:iagree:

Not only that, but to do that with your children in the restaurant and then being caught out by your own boy.....it takes a special kind of **** to do that.


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## DeterminedToThrive (Nov 2, 2013)

First I'd like to say, I'm so sorry you find yourself here and dealing with these issues. 

For me, as a mother, when I read a story that involves young children, my first concern is for them. I'm sure many others are the same way here. Whatever is going on in the relationship, I think, first! Get the children safe and away from seeing behavior that might scar them for life. What they are seeing now, will likely scar them for life and there's a good chance they might emulate that behavior. I'm sure you don't want that. So get things fixed where the kids are safe, if that means sending them somewhere for a bit, then do so. If it mean yanking yourself up and kicking her out as long as she is cheating, then so be it. Get the kids safe first, then work on the problems if you still want to. 

They'll be tough on ya here, you won't hear anything "sugar-coated" that's for sure. Understand they come from a place of understanding, experience and empathy.

I wish you good luck.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

> Not really looking for advise, just venting my anger at why people cheat.


Well ok then, but there are probably better forums than this one for doing just that, and if you are not wanting to read about the damage that your wife is inflicting on her own children then maybe you should go look for them.




DeterminedToThrive said:


> I wish you good luck.


Me too......he's going to need it.....and lots of it.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

ONLY A SHRINK CAN HELP HIM..... and a good one!


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Your wife is not a good mother.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

Stop being so harsh with Posh, he's in enough trouble already.
Posh, you love your wife but you might love an image you have of your wife which is not her true self.
Weather the kids see your wife's acts or not, they pick up everything anyway including your anger.
Seeing a counselor is very important but maybe you can't afford one after losing your job. Maybe there are free or cheap counselors in your community, maybe in church or sometimes Buddhist monasteries do this too.
The way she cheats is self destructive, only a psychologists could find out the reasons, has she been abused? Nevertheless first think of your children.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

poshsquash said:


> Unfortunately, not an option. She is the mother of my 3 children. This episode has caused me to slash my wrists and not sleep since. I am a wreck emotionaly and physically. I love her to bits, just don't understand the constant messing around. Whenever I confront her, it just results in her denying everything. Not really looking for advise, just venting my anger at why people cheat. Really, what is the point if it destroys your family life??
> 
> Previously caught her on ******************. I have since setup several profiles on ************* aswell as other shag and affair sites with random photos to find out the identities of these people and expose their antics to their Husbands. Hopefully, this will disuade people from using these sites in the first place. Maybe other people on here could do the same?
> 
> ...


Sorry but it's time for you to sh*t or get off the pot.

Her behaviour should be exposed to everyone who might have some influence with her and likewise with her playmate's.

She's remorseful or she's gone.

Better for the kids to come from a broken home than one that teaches them to behave like her.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

poshsquash said:


> Unfortunately, not an option.


If you think that divorcing your wife is not an option, then you've come to the wrong forum. We're here to help BS's cope with infidelity and ultimately do what's best for them. Sometimes their best outcome is reconciliation, sometimes divorce. I would have to ask you; if not this, then what would be enough for you to divorce her? How many more men?

When you take divorce off the table, you leave your WW with absolutely no motivation to change her behavior. She will cheat again, but more carefully. You'll be in a false R and miserable. Unless she understands what it's like to lose her husband for cheating on him, your restrictions on her will only make her more determined to cheat. Even with the threat of D, the odds are small for a successful R, given that she's a serial cheater. But small odds are better than no chance at all.

You should start the divorce process. That's one of the consequences she needs to receive. You don't have to complete it; *IF* she accepts the other consequences, becomes transparent and demonstrates remorse.

You aren't setting a good example for your children with your current approach.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

you need to man up. No one can live being this disrespected by their spouse. D now, for you own sanity. What good will it do your kids to stay married to a wh0re? They need to learn from you. 

You already tried suicide, what happens to your kids if you are succesful next time? Think of them!


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

Hi there

I am the wife that was exposed.

Yes I did wrong - the first time in 14 years I have ever been unfaithful as in kissed somebody - nothing else.

My husband hasn't lost his job - he is working from home - and has a new job earning 18k a month.

He has abused me for 14 years.

The first time was when I was pregnant with his first child and he went on and on at me about not cooking things properly.

I have been subjected to being 8 months pregnant and told I can't drive the car and the keys taken away from me, all monies taken away from me, handbags being ruined by red wine chucked all over them, masturbating over me at night when I have said no repeatedly, even in my face when I am asleep - asking for sex at least 10 times a day and if I don't do it then I get things taken off me; shouted and shouted at for breaking two eggs so much that I was hysterical but he didn't care. Forced to walk in 80 heat to walk my kids to school in switzerland because I wouldn't have sex with him - forced to have anal sex with him before the birth of my second child ahead of my c-section when my mother was round and he knew I couldn't complain; forced onto my head buried on the bed because I didn't want to carry on with anal sex and suffocated for a while until I carried on; not allowed anything unless I give into sex - turning the heating down involved me reduced to a shivering wreck when he went on and on about reducing it to a level that was not acceptable to him.

The night he emailed you all ie yesterday he came up and said everybody agreed with him but he tried to protect me - why post in the first place then! - I wanted the windows open as I was hot - he locked the windows and took the key away.

Computers taken away if I don't do what he says/phones etc. etc.
This is abuse I am sure you agree.

Lots more - he is damaging the children - not me. I cannot make things like this up.

Sorry but I have tried to leave so many times and it is perhaps my way of saying that.

X


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

I have left him 3 times and he comes back - I don't want him back -he says he will commit suicide - all the stuff that makes you as I am a very emotional person feel bad - so take him back again.

I want a divorce but he won't give it so my response I guess is to do what he said I did - but no sex was involved whatsover and I swear on my childrens' lives.

If you guys don't believe that it is up to you.

X


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I think you *"two"* would be better seeking help outside of an internet forum; after all, anyone can post anything here. 

Heck, some people even make whole stories up just to create a controversial thread, although I am certain this is not the case here.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Good Lord

poshsquash?
Can you separate every single one of your wife's accusations and respond yes/no?


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

He even emailed my mum asking her for sex - awful - she is 70 - I can't get that out of my head.

The children though are well grounded and yes we need counselling.

Just saying what is what and I won't be chastised by anybody unless they hear the full story.

Many thanks - X


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

wtf is going on?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> He even emailed my mum asking her for sex - awful - she is 70 - I can't get that out of my head.


WTF!!!


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

http://www.comicsandmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/WTF-did-i-just-read-meme.jpg

Is that the OP wife????


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Ok i'm just going to go ahead* call this a troll thread 
* just so everyone can know.

:wtf:


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i want my 5 minutes back.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

"I only kissed him"

"I swear on my children's lives"

hmmm....


If your story is true saidwife, that's quite a sad story. You have a lot worse things to worry about than outing him on an infidelity forum. If you need help getting out, look for resources to help you. There aren't too many women I know that would put up with that kind of abuse.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Chris989 said:


> I think you *"two"* would be better seeking help outside of an internet forum; after all, anyone can post anything here.
> 
> Heck, some people even make whole stories up just to create a controversial thread, *although I am certain this is not the case here*.



I am hoping this isn't true but if it is wow just wow


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

[deleted]


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

poshsquash said:


> Unfortunately, not an option. She is the mother of my 3 children. This episode has caused me to slash my wrists and not sleep since. I am a wreck emotionaly and physically. I love her to bits, just don't understand the constant messing around. Whenever I confront her, it just results in her denying everything. Not really looking for advise, just venting my anger at why people cheat. Really, what is the point if it destroys your family life??
> 
> Previously caught her on ******************. I have since setup several profiles on ************* aswell as other shag and affair sites with random photos to find out the identities of these people and expose their antics to their Husbands. Hopefully, this will disuade people from using these sites in the first place. Maybe other people on here could do the same?
> 
> ...


So why are you here?

You don't seem to be looking for any advice.


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

sorry not a troll - all true.

If you don't believe I am v sorry but yes I just accept it.

As I said I have been in touch with Womans Aid but I end up with him talking me round. 

I do do it for the children and yes infidelity is awful but maybe a cry for helf. I am not a troll. Up to you very sad if you think that.

Lx


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> sorry not a troll - all true.
> 
> If you don't believe I am v sorry but yes I just accept it.
> 
> ...


saidwifenotacceptable, how did you learn that your husband was posting on TAM?


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> sorry not a troll - all true.
> 
> If you don't believe I am v sorry but yes I just accept it.
> 
> ...


The guy sounds like a looney. He even admired here that he slashed his wrists.

Get professional help ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> Hi there
> 
> I am the wife that was exposed.
> 
> ...


OK, she has finally passed out so here we go. My wife tends to over egg everything, and whenever she is found out reacts with out and out lies about whoever she is found out from. 

* I have been subjected to being 8 months pregnant and told I can't drive the car and the keys taken away from me, *

This relates to 8 and a half years ago when living in Switzerland. I was late for work, had to take MY car, took my car which meant that she had to walk less than half a mile to the nursery. Her response was to scream at me non stop down the phone, then physically assault me several times when I got home. It also evolved into me apparently taking the car due to no sex, which is bollocks. Me late, me take car, her walk <1/2 mile. End of.

*handbags being ruined by red wine chucked all over them*

Now this is true. About 7 years ago I found her sexting her ex boyfriend asking, among other things, for him to have anal sex with her. He gladly responded with likewise acts they were going to commit and all in all rather upsetting. So yes, I ruined a prada bag and a LV bag. Given the fact that the last text was him saying how he visits Switzerland with work several times a year and should meet up, I got pretty upset. I asked her for divorce after this episode, but ultimately couldn't do it. This is what caused us to come back to the UK.


*masturbating over me at night when I have said no repeatedly, even in my face when I am asleep - asking for sex at least 10 times a day and if I don't do it then I get things taken off me*

Pure fiction

*shouted and shouted at for breaking two eggs so much that I was hysterical but he didn't care.* 

Again, this is a story that has sort of evolved the more she likes to talk about it. It has nothing to do with broken eggs, and everything to do with her temperament. I wanted eggs, she didn't. She took said eggs and threw them across the room. I got annoyed at this, and she attacked me. I shouted at her for attacking me and she said I screamed at her for breaking eggs.

*Forced to walk in 80 heat to walk my kids to school in switzerland because I wouldn't have sex with him *

See point 1.

*forced to have anal sex with him before the birth of my second child ahead of my c-section when my mother was round and he knew I couldn't complain*

Partial fiction. I didn't force her to do anything ever, and her mother wasn't around. She woke up 1 morning and asked me if I wanted to. I said yes, she accepted, we did it. It was actually about a month before the birth, her idea, and no mother anywhere in the country.

*forced onto my head buried on the bed because I didn't want to carry on with anal sex and suffocated for a while until I carried on; not allowed anything unless I give into sex *

Total fiction.

*turning the heating down involved me reduced to a shivering wreck when he went on and on about reducing it to a level that was not acceptable to him.*

Again, you need to understand my wife's temperament. It was cold, I needed a shower, she had turned the temp down, I asked why. This turned into her going into a mental state throwing things at me because I apparently had a go at her??

*The night he emailed you all ie yesterday he came up and said everybody agreed with him but he tried to protect me - why post in the first place then! - I wanted the windows open as I was hot - he locked the windows and took the key away.*

What actually happened was I told her how upset I was about the pub toilet thing and she opened the windows late at night and started screaming out of them. I shut the windows and locked them to stop the neighbours from phoning the police.

*Computers taken away if I don't do what he says/phones etc. etc.*

I haven't taken away computers or phones. What happens is she gets drunk and breaks them. In the last 6 months, I have had to replace 4 laptops and 3 phones that she has broken. 

*Lots more - he is damaging the children - not me. I cannot make things like this up.*

She just did.

*Sorry but I have tried to leave so many times and it is perhaps my way of saying that.*

Actually leaving is the best way of leaving, not shagging random blokes. Again, this is pretty typical of my life. Any time she is caught doing anything it becomes a "well you are terrible" argument. Not just with me but with everybody. 

Anyway, sorry for the drama. I just wanted to vent some stuff, and my wife saw the email notifications and as usual waited till drunk before replying.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

So did you email her 70 year old mum asking for sex as she alleged? Is her mum good looking?


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> So did you email her 70 year old mum asking for sex as she alleged? Is her mum good looking?


Sort of. MIL is 67, and I sent the email to get back at her after I found her on shag sites. I then told my wife I did this and the reason why. MIL has never told her or responded, (nor would I want her to).


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

poshsquash said:


> Sort of. MIL is 67, and I sent the email to get back at her after I found her on shag sites. I then told my wife I did this and the reason why. MIL has never told her or responded, (nor would I want her to).


Hey, I know where you're at there. I like me a bit of MIL. I think it's quite common; I think it's when they think the Mother In Law is "Fit" and it gives an acronym.


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## holycowe (Apr 7, 2013)

I thought story like this only happen in USA!! Didn't know it happens in Switzerland too 

Sorry but you both are plucked up! Big time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

Why cut yourself? Are you playing the emotional blackmail card or did you really try to end your life?


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

ricky15100 said:


> Why cut yourself? Are you playing the emotional blackmail card or did you really try to end your life?


Neither. Just can't get images out of my head.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

The cutting is just emotional blackmail to keep her around. If a person wants to kill themselves then they do it.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

I agree nick, I could only think of those 2 reasons, he needs to start being honest with himself, I can't understand anyone that wants their partner to stay with them out of sympathy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> I have left him 3 times and he comes back - I don't want him back -he says he will commit suicide - all the stuff that makes you as I am a very emotional person feel bad - so take him back again.
> 
> I want a divorce but he won't give it so my response I guess is to do what he said I did - but no sex was involved whatsover and I swear on my childrens' lives.
> 
> ...


You know, there's one thing that really gets on my t*ts. It's when parents say: "I swear on my children's lives." 

And kissing in a pub toilet and being caught by your twelve-year-old? That's not sex? Really? 

So. What you going to do now you sort of came out with an untruth, seeing as your swore on the lives of your children?


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

nickgtg said:


> The cutting is just emotional blackmail to keep her around. If a person wants to kill themselves then they do it.


I never said that I wanted to kill myself??? Self harm is something that is done to try to alleviate mental trauma. It was also something that I never thought of before meeting her, (who had a big bandage over her wrist at the time).


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

Especially one that's as bat sh!t crazy as he says she is


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

nickgtg said:


> The cutting is just emotional blackmail to keep her around. If a person wants to kill themselves then they do it.


That's actually not true. 

Remember the woman who set fire to herself? Her 30th or 40th attempt at self harm. And that last time worked.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

OP your wife has made it clear she does not want to be married to you so why not *set her free * she also made clear she will keep cheating on you to so again why not set her free.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

OK matt other than the 1% that's completely nuts!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

xakulax said:


> OP your wife has made it clear she does not want to be married to you so why not *set her free * she also made clear she will keep cheating on you to so again why not set her free.


Set Her Free as in: *Run! Run like hell! Flee for your life!*

However, fleeing sounds OK. But if she is like the OP says she is, she might turn her negative attention to the children. "You are just like your worthless father!" for example.

This sounds sadly like someone I used to know. And their partner seemed so normal. *When they wanted to be, when it was in their best interests they could charm and spin their way out of anything.*.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

People who self harm to deal with trauma also try to hide it


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ricky15100 said:


> OK matt other than the 1% that's completely nuts!


Besides which, self harm is rarely about wanting to die. It's often about doing something you have control over, or about hurting yourself rather than the person who has upset you, who made you have those feelings, because they wind you up and grind you down so much.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ricky15100 said:


> People who self harm to deal with trauma also try to hide it


Yes. Unless there comes a time when they find people to tell.

OK. I admit it. At times the way my wife hurt me, due to her condition, I actually self harmed. 

F**k. That's the first time I ever told anyone that. Whew.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

I agree matt, I may be wrong here, and op correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression you showed your wife that you'd hurt yourself or at least put the evidence on show.

I'm not trying to put the blame on you, but if what you said is true, can you really see a future with this person?


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

Well, saying you're cutting yourself is a bit different than "I slashed my wrists."

Either way it's a cry for help.


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

xakulax said:


> OP your wife has made it clear she does not want to be married to you so why not *set her free * she also made clear she will keep cheating on you to so again why not set her free.


She has also let it be known that (I quote) "I am her rock and she could never do without me". I love her. We have a laugh all the time, pretty good sex life most of the time, and to be honest, I couldn't imagine life without her. I tried it after the first ex boyfriend thing and hated it. She is nuts some of the time, but perfect most of the time. We have been together for 14 years and I am 37. So, 5 years adult life without her and 14 years with. I am lost without her, and we have 3 beautiful children. 

The only thing that I ask is monogamy. That is it!!

I haven't seen and barely spoken to my parents in the last 7 years, and after moving around so much haven't kept in contact with friends so really her and my kids are my life. 

Seems a bit silly to throw away your life for a quick shag!!


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

After reading both your wife and your post OP and getting general idea of what your marriage is my recommendation/opinion is this you guys are a huge charlie foxtrot with some serious issues. OP in situation like your I would recommend divorce as it seems your wife doesn't want nor wish to be marred to you and jugging by her action I doubt she wants to be marred to anyone for that matter. But I can sens from your posts you want to stay with her and try and work things out if that's the case then you and your wife need to start individual counseling and marriage counseling like yesterday the sooner you two get professional help the better. 




You two can not solve your problems on your own nor can we as objective observers pleas seek counseling if not for your self and your wife at lest consider it for your children.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ricky15100 said:


> I agree matt, I may be wrong here, and op correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression you showed your wife that you'd hurt yourself or at least put the evidence on show.
> 
> I'm not trying to put the blame on you, but if what you said is true, can you really see a future with this person?


No. Never told her. Never showed her. But I never cut myself, so easy to hide the evidence.

And I have a future with my wife. Not sure about PoshSquash, though. My wife has problems relating to Asperger's.

I have no clue what's going on over at the PoshSquash household.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PoshSquash and Mrs PoshSquash, from my basic level counselling qualification (never actually used professionally, as it happens) may I suggest counselling for the both of you, individual and marital?

And I do not mean Relate. I mean something a little more high power. Relate is too hit and miss, in my opinion.

The following are both UK-based resources.

Counselling for Affairs and Betrayals - Counselling Directory

BACP - British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

And if your son really *did* see something (as Jeremy Kyle might put it: "anything from a passionate kiss to sexual intercourse") then he will also possibly need counselling.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Dysfunction all around.
Serious IC for you both guys.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

poshsquash said:


> Neither. Just can't get images out of my head.





nickgtg said:


> The cutting is just emotional blackmail to keep her around. If a person wants to kill themselves then they do it.





ricky15100 said:


> I agree nick, I could only think of those 2 reasons, he needs to start being honest with himself, I can't understand anyone that wants their partner to stay with them out of sympathy.


Not necessarily. 

Years ago I used to suffer from cluster headaches. If anyone has ever had them you know the pain associated with them. There were times that I would literally beat by head against a door frame (not too hard, mind you) so that just for a brief moment I would feel a different kind of pain. 

I think in some cases self harm is nothing more than a coping technique to alleviate the constant pain that becomes so monotonous and overwhelming that any other kind of pain is actually a relief and welcome. This could be the same thing but on a grander scale.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to compare the pain of clusters to infidelity, just saying it may be a bit unfair to label someone simply because we haven't walked in their shoes, under their circumstances, with their tolerances for pain. We're all different and handle this level of trauma differently.

Not saying I'm right. Just saying you may not be either.


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## poshsquash (Dec 8, 2012)

3putt said:


> Not necessarily.
> 
> Years ago I used to suffer from cluster headaches. If anyone has ever had them you know the pain associated with them. There were times that I would literally beat by head against a door frame (not too hard, mind you) so that just for a brief moment I would feel a different kind of pain.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> Not necessarily.
> 
> Years ago I used to suffer from cluster headaches. If anyone has ever had them you know the pain associated with them. There were times that I would literally beat by head against a door frame (not too hard, mind you) so that just for a brief moment I would feel a different kind of pain.
> 
> ...


Having suffered from both, I have to agree with what you said!:smthumbup:


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Having suffered from both, I have to agree with what you said!:smthumbup:


They are a beeyotch, no? 

Whew.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> They are a beeyotch, no?
> 
> Whew.


Mine were cured by being put on blood pressure medication.


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

Hi there - first of all his points referencing answers to my allegations are complete bull - he could argue his way out of a murder trial - having heard positive and negative responses I am assured I shouldn't be in this marriage.

With regard to asking why I knew about him coming on this site - he came up and told me! repeatedly and how awful I was and that was when the window incident happened.

With regard to him refuting most of what I said well see above.

It is disturbing that I let the abuse go on.

Not allowed on the computer or to eat/drink if he sees fit if I have annoyed him.

Also sorry but for my defence - I am not allowed on facebook or any media outlook - he is an IT person so monitors everything I type and all websites/addresses I go to/texts everything.

If this is not abuse then I don't really get what is.

I have been to womans aid and the police so many times - SS have been involved and I was told to leave him immediately otherwise my children would be taken away - I had to agree.

But I am sure he will say different.

To the person that likes a bit of action with the MIL then I find this disgusting - she is my mother and we lost my father - from brain cancer - in 2008. Rethink what you say.

Many thanks for anybody that has said kind words X.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Lima Charlie,

Not sure what to erase.

So it's all gone. Don't want to get banned.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Since joining TAM I've never heard of a situation where the husband and wife are both on the same thread and telling totally different stories. I don't know about anyone else, but my head is spinning here. Are they serious? Is someone just making this all up? What in the world is going on? If they are indeed serious, which one is being truthful?


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

I love me my grumpy cat

Grumpy Cat® - The world's grumpiest cat!


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)




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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> Lima Charlie twisted person.
> 
> Can we get some mods in here to check some IPs or something?
> 
> ...


This could imply that the wife is, indeed, prone to exaggeration, to put it mildly.

Rusty, be careful of calling people out. It can lead to bans. Just PM a moderator. Leave it to them. It's the safest option. 

My wife is prone to exaggeration. If I make a vague suggestion she claims that I 'ordered' her to do something. Utter BS, but she can't see that. A friend called her on it once. Friend said: "Matt never told you to do anything. He just made a suggestion. "
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

thummper said:


> Since joining TAM I've never heard of a situation where the husband and wife are both on the same thread and telling totally different stories. I don't know about anyone else, but my head is spinning here. Are they serious? Is someone just making this all up? What in the world is going on? If they are indeed serious, which one is being truthful?


It has happened before. I have also seen it happen in real life, too, with two people telling two entirely different stories to explain why their marriage had fallen to pieces.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

This is a big mess. First if I may suggest, seeing a professional about the "cutting " problem. You slashing away at body parts and possibly worse, is not the way to go. What your wife, if you can call her that, is doing is just disgusting. On top of that your son finds her in the water closet, with some guy. She may be the mother of your children, but her judgment is way off. On top of that you quit your job, to attempt to fix it. She has some serious boundaries that are being crossed. Time to nuke this, in it's entirety. Expose this to everyone. Her behavior will only get worse. Your health is also in question. Please see someone to help you through this, you are not equipped to handle this alone. I'm not saying you aren't strong enough, it's just her behavior and your physical response to this, is a cry for help. Do it for your mental stability and for your kids. Having one stable parent, is a must. Please keep coming here for support, you will get it from us betrayed, online friends. BTW, we don't pull punches, this stuff, however hard to read is intended to help you not hurt you. Good luck.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> Hi there - first of all his points referencing answers to my allegations are complete bull - he could argue his way out of a murder trial - having heard positive and negative responses I am assured I shouldn't be in this marriage.
> 
> With regard to asking why I knew about him coming on this site - he came up and told me! repeatedly and how awful I was and that was when the window incident happened.
> 
> ...


If he is so controlling to the extent he doesn't let you use/view websites, how come he is allowing you to post your responses on here?

Your responses make him out to be some sort of monster, given that you say he is controlling what you do in every other sphere - why let you paint this picture of him?

It seems rather equitable of him really. This does not fit your picture of yourself. I mean him. Him. sorry.


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

First of all I don't know what a water closet is!!

Secondly yes he will read what I put.

Thirdly he didn't quit his job - he's working fro home so perhaps read what I put properly.

And lastly I came on here - only because my husband told me he had been going on here and everyone agreed with him and he defended me (?) then I read what he had put - to say my side whether I am a loony/stupid/disgusting/etc. etc.

Anyway enough.

I am sure there are many of you out there that have a hell of a lot of problems that perhaps need addressing instead of gossiping on a marriage site.

X


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> First of all I don't know what a water closet is!!
> 
> Secondly yes he will read what I put.
> 
> ...


Not at all. We are, I am sure, quite captivated by your story and concerned that the correct outcome ensues.

A water closet, by the way, is a toilet.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

First of all I don't know what a water closet is!!

Isn't it English for the bathroom?
Well I should say European I think I saw that in Germany.


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

Sorry I was being sarcastic - of course I can guess what it is - it just is a ridiculous name for a hall and group of toilets.

In english a closet is a cupboard.

In english water is well water.

X


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> Sorry I was being sarcastic - of course I can guess what it is - it just is a ridiculous name for a hall and group of toilets.
> 
> In english a closet is a cupboard.
> 
> ...


Well, I'm from England, where we speak English, and a water closet - a WC - is a toilet.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

This thread is descending into madness I say madness


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

saidwifenotacceptable said:


> Sorry I was being sarcastic - of course I can guess what it is - it just is a ridiculous name for a hall and group of toilets.
> 
> In english a closet is a cupboard.
> 
> ...


By the way, did your twelve year old son catch you with another man kissing or having any sexual contact?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

Hi - no there was no eye contact with regards to sexual/touching or anything from my son.

However tonight has taken a twist.

It is my sons parents evening and I as a hands on parent that always monitors my sons homework/correspondence at school and deals with all sporting activities - squash three times a week - rugby once a week and fesitvals - swimming youngest. Organise all things regarding my mother looking after them to get them in a different environment. She takes them swimming/gym/squash/rugby if she is available but she is very busy with her own life and the gymnastics that has consumed her life teaching since my dad died.

She is fully welcomed to that - it is so good for her - and she in turn is so good with the grandchildren.

However my husband said I wasn't allowed to go to the parents evening and he would go - even though drunk out of his face - my son started saying no I don't want you to - i want mummy to not you - look at you and he got livid and started to go after him - I held his jumper to stop him and he knocked me to the ground, my head hurts - he also slapped me - my middle child witnessed this - however my husband said he did no such thing and then that confuses my second child as he knows what he saw - he husband just refutes everything - he then strangled my eldest when he came down and started saying again he didn't want him to go to parents evening.

Then my husband said I was a lazy fat ***** and was disgusting and so awful and do nothing ever - and said that about 10 times in my face aggressively and then again in front of my children I am a slag etc etc.

I said so you are saying you didn't strangle me the other day and he said no - he did though - I couldn't breathe.

He refutes it all.

I dread him coming back from the parents evening.

I know that the kissing of another man was unacceptable but maybe after 14 years of abuse I had/have enough.

He has a new job earning 18,000 a month - I dont care - I would love just a simple house and simple car or not without him screaming at me and demeaning me and telling me I am disgusting and fat and my back doesn't hurt after 3 csections and I am lazy and so awful. Sorry X


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You two need to stop airing your sh1t in an Internet forum and either get away from each other or seek professional psychiatric help. Or both. Continuing the "he said/ she said" thing isn't going to help anyone. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

ok many thanks for your help - so nice considering it is a forum where things are discussed and I am very very uspet.

Yes no more - some of you just want to gossip obviously and not take peoples problems about marriage on board.

Sorry for bothering.

Regards S


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

It's not that poster's don't want to help you, or your husband. But this he said/she said has gotten to the point where we don't know who to believe or where the truth lies. It's just become a pissing match between the two of you.

If what you say is true, you don't need an infidelity forum; you need to get away from your husband; and get help from either the police or a local support agency if you need it.

If what your husband says is truthful, he's already been given the appropriate advice.

I truly wish you and your husband the best.


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## saidwifenotacceptable (Mar 24, 2014)

ok many thanks - drawing a line now for you guys not to have to keep replying to a pissing match - sorry we aren't weeing over each other! But in all seriousness thanks - Good luck too with everybody else. X


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

So he abused you and your eldest, but you came here instead of calling the police?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> So he abused you and your eldest, but you came here instead of calling the police?


If this is true you need a RO on him and out of the house.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

If he has monitors on everything, why would you be stupid enough to go on fvck sites? 

If he is so abusive, why would you dare kiss a man in the loos of a pub you are in with your husband, and why would you ever dare go on fvck sites? 

If you are English, why do you say 80 degrees heat? English people only use Celsius.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Here's the kicker for me, following the above post, why are you here? There are a few exceptions, but the norm is for the abused to do EVERYTHING to keep from getting mistreated again. You may be that rare exception, but if he was this controlling, you would not be fueling his ire by calling him a drunk, lying spousal and child abuser with no safety net. Let alone on a random website, with people you don't know who can't provide you any sort of physical protection.

Sorry, this is too strange for me. I'm out.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Remains said:


> If he has monitors on everything, why would you be stupid enough to go on fvck sites?
> 
> If he is so abusive, why would you dare kiss a man in the loos of a pub you are in with your husband, and why would you ever dare go on fvck sites?
> 
> If you are English, why do you say 80 degrees heat? English people only use Celsius.


Agreed with all of the above except the last point.

I still use Celsius for cold and Fahrenheit for hot, so if it's below about 10c it's Celsius and above about 55f it's Fahrenheit. Any temperatures between about 51 and 55 do not exist because of this 

I still use lbs unless I'm weighing flour, then it's grams and of course distance is miles and yards, but sometimes metres. Weight is always stones for people but Kg for bags of animal feed. etc. etc.

That's what growing up in the Seventies did to us :smthumbup:


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