# Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....

I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.

A few months later he eventually told me he didn't like me wearing any of those things and preferred me naked or in ordinary shorts and tshirt. The last time I wore something sexy (it was a black baby doll see through affair) he laughed at me and told me not to wear it, it looks silly. :frown2:

Ok fair enough - I was a little hurt but let it go.
*
Things have been good between us so I am not complaining *:. But I was sorting through my clothes and found my box of sexy lingerie and dress up stuff and really missed wearing them, some of them are so pretty and sexy, and it seems such a waste of money just sitting in a box. So last night I said 'I wonder if my sexy things need to come back out?' He was quiet for a long time and then said 'I'm not so bothered but if you want to wear them then wear them.'. :|

Its no big deal but it puzzles me why he doesn't find these things sexy, sometimes my insecurities come to the surface and I think its me that he doesn't want to see in them. When has shown me porn films of the things he likes they nearly always have the kind of underwear I have in my cupboard. . 

I am currently 7lbs overweight and honestly do not look overweight, just nicely curvy. 

Any thoughts?


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

It's not the underwear, or you, that is the problem. 

I made the same mistake, with M'Lady, before D-Day. Not appreciating her effort, her need to feel 'pretty', 'sexy'. Which made her feel like you. Of course when I later asked her to dress up, she didn't want to. Due to the damage it'd caused.

So, talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel, when he dismisses your efforts. And ask him why he doesn't like you wearing them. Madonna issues maybe?

But, understand that it's NOT you. It's him. That you are in fact amazing in them.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I will be honest, I much prefer my wife just wearing a shirt with nothing else on over her dressing up sexy. It is not like I would dislike if she wore a lot of sexy underwear / lingerie, just for me it is not necessary or something i just can't wait to see her in. 

I do agree with @DayOne in terms of just showing appreciation for your effort. However, since he isn't necessarily fond of the sexy stuff, just make sure you are doing it for yourself and not him.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Sexy is like beauty. It's in the eye of the beholder. DH thinks lingerie is just fine if I want to wear it for me, but what he wants me to wear for him is a t-shirt and pair of panties. Something about a woman in a t-shirt, panties, and nothing else really works for him. *shrug*


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> *Something about a woman in a t-shirt, panties, and nothing else really works for him. *shrug**


Seriously, don't know what it is about, but IMO doesn't get any better. Actually, I think for me it is just natural, going all out to wear sexy lingerie just feels a little fake to me.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

peacem said:


> This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....
> 
> I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.
> 
> ...


I highly doubt that it's because you don't look good in them, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Some men, like myself, just aren't into the whole lingerie thing. I can take it or leave it. If my wife were into it, I'd be fine with it, but it's not something that gives me any extra excitement.

However, your husbands reaction is pretty stupid, on his part. The lingerie is for YOU, in this case, not for him. It makes YOU feel sexy, which, I imagine, would lead to better sex. Duh.

FWIW, the best man and maid of honour at our wedding gave us a gag gift box of various 'sexy' things, including a matching pair of faux leather underwear. I put them on one night, and actually felt kind of sexy (they fit well and accentuated my junk quite nicely, lol!) I certainly didn't expect my wife to suddenly be super turned on or anything, but I also didn't expect her to laugh and tell me to take them off because they looked ridiculous. I was kind of bummed, TBH.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Do you have frequent sex with your man? If so, then his feelings could be related to beliefs of getting less sex, should you expend more work getting dolled-up and into lingerie.

For instance, in a completely figurative scenario, if my wife was giving me frequent sex and I knew I would get less sex under the requirements of her being dolled-up and in lingerie, I would feel indifferent about her wearing the "sexy things" she has in the bottom drawer.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Another thought occured. Maybe he has a hard time reconciling watching porn with "sl*tty" women in sexy underwear, doing "sl*tty" things, with seeing his Lady in the same outfit's? As I doubt he see's you in the same way he see's them.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Some men like red heads, other like blonds. Some like girls who always wear heals and others like girls who can run around in sneakers. It sounds like it's just his personal taste. There's no problem with that. That being said you don't need to let your sexy underwear go to waste. If they make you feel sexy rock them all day under you outfits and sometimes to bed too. That way you can both have what you want. 

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

For me, the effort of wearing sexy clothes are nice - but not needed.

If you wanted to put on a maid or nurse outfit, i most definitely would appreciate and respond to that effort.
The "sexy" clothes, in my opinion, don't frame the body correctly (i.e. they just look nice instead of making the woman appear sexy)

However, what I really prefer is either:
1) completely naked and be at ease with me seeing you naked (that's a real turn on)
2) Shirt just long enough to barely cover bottom and no other clothes - that's really sexy to me.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Regardless of your specific tastes, it's pretty effed up if you tell your spouse that they look silly in something hat is obviously directly related to insecurities and self esteem. Are you kidding me? I may not be turned on by it, but I should love the fact that you like it and you want to feel sexy for yourself and for me. 

Is he dismissive of you in other ways?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

alexm said:


> I highly doubt that it's because you don't look good in them, so I wouldn't worry about that.
> 
> Some men, like myself, just aren't into the whole lingerie thing. I can take it or leave it. If my wife were into it, I'd be fine with it, but it's not something that gives me any extra excitement.
> 
> However, your husbands reaction is pretty stupid, on his part. The lingerie is for YOU, in this case, not for him. It makes YOU feel sexy.


I disagree that @peacem 's DH's reaction is stupid. He's not into the lingerie thing and he's not pretending to like it more than he actually does. I'd much rather have the honesty than get a faux reaction. With the honesty, she can find out what he does like to see her in so she can get the reactions she wants.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I disagree that @peacem 's DH's reaction is stupid. He's not into the lingerie thing and he's not pretending to like it more than he actually does. I'd much rather have the honesty than get a faux reaction. With the honesty, she can find out what he does like to see her in so she can get the reactions she wants.


There is a differnce between preference and being a jerk about it. She is clearly vulnerable and everyone has self esteem issues. Saying you look silly and not acknowledging the underlying meaning of it all is very dismissive. This isn't about him getting turned on, it's about her feeling sexy and desirable.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> I disagree that @peacem 's DH's reaction is stupid. He's not into the lingerie thing and he's not pretending to like it more than he actually does. I'd much rather have the honesty than get a faux reaction. With the honesty, she can find out what he does like to see her in so she can get the reactions she wants.


Yeah, this is what I go back to as well. If my W walked into the room wearing lingerie I wouldn't in any way be dismissive, but I would guess she is not going to get the reaction out of me she would like (or how she thinks I would react b/c the assumption that every guy just goes absolutely crazy over lingerie). That would probably lead to some disappointment on her part.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Once upon a time in a land far away, I used to purchase some sexy items for my wife from time to time. I thought she looked good in them, I thought she'd like them and yes she would wear them from time to time for me. 

On the other hand, they wouldn't stay on for long. Half the attraction is unwrapping the package and she didn't seem to want to keep em on anyway. Occasionally she'd put one on as a signal, that didn't last that long in the grand scheme of things. It became pretty obvious it wasn't something she appreciated so I gave up on that gift theme . 

Flash forward to the present time I definitely prefer her naked. She has one series of T's that I bought for her that are very thin, basically see through, very soft and light. I bought them because she likes to wear something while sleeping but it needs to be light and not trigger a hot flash - LOL. She looks fabulous in these things, possibly better than naked - it's close . If she were to pull out the old stuff instead of these I'd not be as happy. I wouldn't tell her she looked silly certainly but I might well say hey - I light those 'shirts' better! 

Now, when you are dressed it is different. Sexy bras and panties where he gets a peek here and there are a + but then the goal is to take off the clothing, admire the undergarments and then loose those as well .


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

DayOne said:


> It's not the underwear, or you, that is the problem.
> 
> I made the same mistake, with M'Lady, before D-Day. Not appreciating her effort, her need to feel 'pretty', 'sexy'. Which made her feel like you. Of course when I later asked her to dress up, she didn't want to. Due to the damage it'd caused.
> 
> ...


Yup. I did the same thing once very early in our relationship. stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Herschel said:


> There is a difference between preference and being a jerk about it. She is clearly vulnerable and everyone has self esteem issues. Saying you look silly and not acknowledging the underlying meaning of it all is very dismissive. This isn't about him getting turned on, it's about her feeling sexy and desirable.





EllisRedding said:


> Yeah, this is what I go back to as well. If my W walked into the room wearing lingerie I wouldn't in any way be dismissive, but I would guess she is not going to get the reaction out of me she would like (or how she thinks I would react b/c the assumption that every guy just goes absolutely crazy over lingerie). That would probably lead to some disappointment on her part.


This. I failed to respect where M'Lady ws coming from, at the time. She's a lot more than "7lbs overweight", and does not feel 'sexy', most of the time. But, she made an effort, at the time, to please me. And I sh*t on it. 

It took the best part of 7 years (And the separation), before she tried it again. Trusted in me enough, and regained enough confidence in herself to take that risk. Fortunately I'd extracted my head from out of my rear end, and THAT occasion went well. VERY well....>

TBH, I'm not a massive fan of lingerie, for the most part. Corsets and stockings being the exception! 

BUT, what I AM a fan of, is respecting my Lady enough to not shatter her self worth. To see the uncertainty in her eyes, "will he think i'm pretty?" and let her know that "hell, yeah you are". Even if that outfit is not the one I would chose, at the time. 

Because, if you can't take the time to protect her self worth, as she should protect yours, it's d*mn sure there won't be a next time. for a long time.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Yup. I did the same thing once very early in our relationship. stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself.


We should invent one. We'd make a 'kin fortune renting it out! 

The TAM Time Travel Transporter! 

:grin2:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W did get the sexy outfits but stopped wearing them after our first child. Weight gain as the reason. Made me no never mind. So, for years it was climbing in bed with the granny panties on. Again, made me no never mind. The goodies were under them there underwear. Anyway, my W has recently lost weight and starting to wear the sexy stuff again. I enjoy it. The best for me though is just a thong. I find that just one piece of sexy clothing a turn on.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

DayOne said:


> We should invent one. We'd make a 'kin fortune renting it out!
> 
> The TAM Time Travel Transporter!
> 
> :grin2:


Just waiting for this to get back in stock ...

EB Enterprises 121G - Flux Capacitor | O'Reilly Auto Parts


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

peacem said:


> This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....
> 
> I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.
> 
> ...


I am not huge into Lingerie I much prefer nakedness but would not complain about it, if it makes you feel good just wear them and feel good and its a win win for you both. The fact he likes you naked without any props clearly means he enjoys your body as it is.

Also Curvy is great in my eyes there has to be some meat on the bones.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Just waiting for this to get back in stock ...
> 
> EB Enterprises 121G - Flux Capacitor | O'Reilly Auto Parts


We'd have to limit it to ONLY people who knew WHAT they'd fked up and HOW they would fix it. Or risk going back and making it worse.

Which would eat into our revenue, given that too many people DON'T understand what they did wrong. 

Or,,, we could go back, snag their past selves, bring them to the present and they could see the results of their actions! And then go back and fix it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> Any thoughts?


In my opinion if your husband has struggled in the past with erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and/or the two of you have had heated fights over intimacy in your marriage...

...odds are he DOES like you in the underwear, but he finds himself uncomfortable because of his feelings associated with the above. So it is a combination of him liking your underwear but also feeling anxiety at the same time because of the past. In that event he may want things visually simple to help keep the mood relaxed and as calm as possible. 

Try this, take photos of yourself in very sexy outfits. Then be with him while wearing normal cloths or just being nude. Show him the pictures on your phone and ask him which ones he likes the best. This way he might be able to enjoy seeing you in sexy cloths and feel more in control/relaxed because he is simply looking at a photo. Try to steer the conversation into advocating for him to request you wear something he likes upon his request if he likes something a lot. This perhaps will help him feel more in control and alleviate any anxiety with _unexpectedly_ discovering that you are wearing something sexy. 

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MovingForward said:


> Also Curvy is great in my eyes there has to be some meat on the bones.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

DayOne said:


> We'd have to limit it to ONLY people who knew WHAT they'd fked up and HOW they would fix it. Or risk going back and making it worse.
> 
> Which would eat into our revenue, given that too many people DON'T understand what they did wrong.
> 
> Or,,, we could go back, snag their past selves, bring them to the present and they could see the results of their actions! And then go back and fix it.



I know a guy who can also hook me up with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity so ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

How my wife is feeling is more important than how my wife is looking. Actually, how she looks is reflected by how she feels. How she dresses is affected by her mood. Sometimes she wants to have a "sexy" look and sometimes she just wants to be "natural" (the most common setup)

I generally appreciate natural the most, but I can appreciate each equally. My preference is for her be comfortable in her own skin and to be completely free and uninhibited to express herself as she feels in the moment. During those times when it seems she is trying to hard and it's just not working, if I comment, it'll be something like "honey, I really do love you just the way you are and I am flattered by the effort you are putting into this." I wouldn't call anything she did "silly" even if that was my first reaction. 

But some times we knuckle draggers forget to activate our filter and something insensitive sneaks out. Hopefully OP can tell hubby her motivation and expectations and he can be sensitive and receptive to her feelings in the process. It sounds like he needs to gain a little perspective regarding what his wife does and why. As a minimum, whether or not he is excited by the result, he should definitely be excited by the effort.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

peacem said:


> The last time I wore something sexy (it was a black baby doll see through affair) he laughed at me and told me not to wear it, it looks silly. :frown2:


What an utterly ignorant, douche bag thing to say.

I've lost count of all the men over the years who have posted that they'd give their right arms for their wives to show a little initiative and do something sexy for them and this imbecile is mocking you when you DO try to add a little spice.

Seriously. He's a completely ungrateful ass-wipe.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

my $0.02. Maybe he thinks they are a waste of money? Why shell out $50 or $100 bucks for something that hits the floor in about 30 seconds after he enters the room? Especially since my W really complains about kissing/much touching on clothes.....

I don't really care either way for lingerie, as many men have said in this thread, a long t shirt w or w/o panties is as good as it gets for me. I do appreciate the effort of thinking to wear it


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> my $0.02. Maybe he thinks they are a waste of money? Why shell out $50 or $100 bucks for something that hits the floor in about 30 seconds after he enters the room? Especially since my W really complains about kissing/much touching on clothes.....
> 
> I don't really care either way for lingerie, as many men have said in this thread, a long t shirt w or w/o panties is as good as it gets for me. I do appreciate the effort of thinking to wear it


OMG this reminds me @peacem doesn't your husband get rather frustrated with you "shopping" for sexual related things and spending way too much money? 

I bet he was not too thrilled either when the Womanizer W500 Pro Deluxe model came out in chrome... cause not only you had to have it, but he knows you'll break it and send it in for repair at the same time an even more expensive and better model goes on the market.



Badsanta


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

As you can see, there are many men on this post who don't necessarily enjoy lingerie and would rather have their wife naked or in just a t-shirt. It is pretty common. I don't think there's anything wrong with liking lingerie or not liking it, it is simply a preference.

Women have preferences in this realm, too. As @alexm described when he put on the leather banana hammock, his wife was immediately turned off by it. Other women may have been delighted by it.

I've been with both types of men, those who LOVE LOVE LOVE the dress up stuff (up to and including all kinds of crazy accessories, not just lingerie, and role playing fantasy clothes for both of us), and those who don't notice sexy lingerie at all and just wanted it off my body. Those types considered the lingerie pointless and a waste of time and money and didn't prefer it on my body (feeling it detracted from my sexyness rather than added to it).

For me, the ones who want to play dress up are more fun. Because my preference is to keep mixing things up, and I love adorning our bodies with various things. So I prefer a guy who feels the same and wants to play like I do.

But my current boyfriend is more of the rather naked than play dress up type. So I've just been working with him on it. He may never truly enjoy me in my sexy wear as much as I enjoy wearing it, but he is at least willing to play with things like rope and other restraints. To me, that counts in the same category, because they are all simply tools to experience more attraction and pleasure, IMO.

He is also willing to let me adorn his body with sexy things, which is very fun for me. He enjoys the attention I give him when he's adorned like that, because it is new and different to him and not something other women in his experience have wanted to try. He enjoys how turned on I get by seeing him in something different...seeing his body's shapes be accentuated by novel and sexy garments is really exciting for me. I like the variety of it and the novelty. I also like that he is allowing himself to be vulnerable by letting me adorn him, as it is outside of his experience and he wasn't sure what the point of it is....until he experienced my reaction. He wasn't sure if he'd feel comfortable in these garments but did it anyway. He is now really opening up to more of this.

However...if I never brought it up again, he'd be fine with his original preference of us both being naked. (Though he would probably want to keep playing with the rope). 

I don't think my boyfriend has any "hang up" about the lingerie on me. It is simply not his preference.

I suppose there could be more to it with your husband, but there probably isn't. As evidenced by the many responses here, it is pretty normal for some guys to not prefer lingerie.

I do think you should talk more to him and try to work with him, mostly just getting him to understand that his words have hurt you. But even if you get him to understand that....he's still most likely not going to prefer you in lingerie.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

badsanta said:


> OMG this reminds me @peacem doesn't your husband get rather frustrated with you "shopping" for sexual related things and spending way too much money?
> 
> I bet he was not too thrilled either when the Womanizer W500 Pro Deluxe model came out in chrome... cause not only you had to have it, but he knows you'll break it and send it in for repair at the same time an even more expensive and better model goes on the market.
> 
> ...


FYI I spend my own money on my perversions, but I recently did some maths and worked out that I have MADE money on buying sex toys because most of them get returned as they break. I get cashback on my credit card and cashback through comparison websites. The sexy undies have been a bit of a waste though :|. You live and learn.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

> naiveonedave said:
> 
> 
> > my $0.02. Maybe he thinks they are a waste of money? /QUOTE]
> ...


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> *How my wife is feeling is more important than how my wife is looking*.
> 
> *My preference is for her be comfortable in her own skin and to be completely free and uninhibited to express herself as she feels in the moment*.
> 
> * he should definitely be excited by the effort.*


All the above, confidence and free to express being the big ones for me personally so as RMY mentioned the fact that you feel sexy and wont to look sexy for him should be appreciated.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Now, there was a 'dress-up' outfit one time she burst into the room wearing along with some other accessories. That was cool, but sexiness had nothing to do with it for me. The outfit and the bursting into the room thing signaled 'it was on'. I let her play act for a bit, then took it all off . 

Any way obvious signal whether actions or clothing or words are A OK with me, I'm always ready to switch modes - just give me something I can recognize to work with...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Yup. I did the same thing once very early in our relationship. stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself.


 @Fozzy would you talk more about this? I think it would help @peacem to hear your version. It sounds like you made a flippant comment after she put on something sexy and then she never tried again, and now you realize you hurt her feelings and you have deep regret about it.

Hearing that might help @peacem understand that your original comment was never intended to hurt her. Or maybe it was? Either way, more input would be helpful.

I think when we deeply hurt each other and then are deeply regretful about it, there is always a learning experience involved....even though this type of learning can hurt a lot.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What an utterly ignorant, douche bag thing to say.
> 
> I've lost count of all the men over the years who have posted that they'd give their right arms for their wives to show a little initiative and do something sexy for them and this imbecile is mocking you when you DO try to add a little spice.
> 
> Seriously. He's a completely ungrateful ass-wipe.


I might level a charge of ignorance at MrPeacem, but not necessarily douche-baggery.

I love my DH and he's a wonderful man who really does try, but he's not exactly Mr Sensitivity. He also knows I am big on honesty. If I walked into the room wearing some lacy bit of froo-froo and he thought it looked silly, but didn't mind if I wanted to wear it for me, he'd say exactly that. He'd honestly have no clue it hurt my feelings, disappointed me, or knocked my self esteem. 



peacem said:


> FYI I spend my own money on my perversions, but I recently did some maths and worked out that I have MADE money on buying sex toys because most of them get returned as they break. I get cashback on my credit card and cashback through comparison websites. The sexy undies have been a bit of a waste though :|. You live and learn.


I don't know if I should be happy you actually made money on "your perversions" or sad and outraged that so many "perversions" break during the warranty/return period. Seriously, "perversions" are pricey. You'd think they'd be better quality for the price!


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

No idea. Now, Mary doesn't get to choose her own clothes but I do try to figure out what she might like. She has an odd assortment of stuff.

I showed her this, and she did make a comment. She said she was sure no matter what she wore I would like it.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> I don't know if I should be happy you actually made money on "your perversions" or sad and outraged that so many "perversions" break during the warranty/return period. Seriously, "perversions" are pricey. You'd think they'd be better quality for the price!


It's caused many an awkward and disappointing moment. The worst was with the Womanizer which @badsanta referred to where the button became lodged and was permanently on ON. So I had to wrap it in a towel and let the battery run down - trying to keep the kids out of my room :surprise:. The next day I boxed it took it to the post office, as I past it over I swear I could still hear a faint rumble. £150 load of rubbish. 

I have one vibe that has lasted me 2 whole years and still keeps its charge like new. (Ann Summers Moregasm for anyone in the UK). I have returned 10 vibes in all.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

anonmd said:


> The outfit and the bursting into the room thing signaled 'it was on'.


Bingo! Silly or not, with an intro like this it would be short time before she was receiving the full measure of everything I have to offer.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> @Fozzy would you talk more about this? I think it would help @peacem to hear your version. It sounds like you made a flippant comment after she put on something sexy and then she never tried again, and now you realize you hurt her feelings and you have deep regret about it.
> 
> Hearing that might help @peacem understand that your original comment was never intended to hurt her. Or maybe it was? Either way, more input would be helpful.
> 
> I think when we deeply hurt each other and then are deeply regretful about it, there is always a learning experience involved....even though this type of learning can hurt a lot.


This is pretty close to what happened, yeah. She's worn other lingerie since because it helps her with her body image issues. I was young, dumb and insensitively made a remark about her trying too hard or something like that. I instantly saw the hurt on her face after I said it and immediately regretted it. I apologized, but I think that's one of those cases where you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

I'm not sure if that one event caused any lasting damage or not, but I still remember and regret it 15 years later.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP, he never should have reacted negatively to your wearing lingerie to try to be sexy for him. 

My wife wears lingerie a lot and I always tell her that she looks good in it. There is the tricky issue though (that I haven't solved) of how to indicate my preferences.

She got some special lingerie to wear for my birthday. Usually she gets very nice stuff, but truth be told this was sort of ghastly. I of course didn't tell her that.

I think preferences on lingerie vary a lot. To me there are different styles that can't be really compared to each other. 

There is standard silky / lacy stuff that is generically sexy. This can be pretty and sexy. 

There is "casual" lingerie - a long t-shirt and nothing else. This can be nice because its very sexy without looking like a particular effort was made - seems sort of naturally sexy.

There is "kinky" lingerie - that has a higher naughtiness factor, with a little of D/S (one way or the other) that can be nice.


I like all of these, but I can easily see that some men might prefer some over others. 

Still, the basic answer is that if your wife puts on sex lingerie of any sort, the response is to directly show how much you appreciate it.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

peacem said:


> This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....
> 
> Its no big deal but it puzzles me why he doesn't find these things sexy, sometimes my insecurities come to the surface and I think its me that he doesn't want to see in them. When has shown me porn films of the things he likes they nearly always have the kind of underwear I have in my cupboard. .
> 
> ...


My husband has specific taste in lingerie AND a big mouth. I've heard and experienced the "Ehhh" more times than I can actually remember. It is ALWAYS a "wtf" moment until I remember "specific taste, big mouth."

The porn thing--is it the lingerie or the actions? Most porn that my husband is into has the lingerie that he actively dislikes BUT the actions happening distract him enough. But right in front of him? Because he can touch, smell whatever else is going on it is a lot less appealing.

I doubt it's the 7 pounds unless this has been an issue in the past. 

I love the stuff he hates. I feel pretty! It fits nicely and I do adore it. So, I wear it anyways. If I get a mediocre reaction, I torture him until I get a better one...honestly. Sometimes, I think that is what he is looking for. Sometimes, just like in porn the actions override the meh part.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

By the way, posting is kinda fun 'cause it gets my wife to make comments here and there. She pointed out I made her go buy herself some panties back in 2011 when I was gallivanting around the world on business and hadn't bought any for her in a couple years, sort of to see what she would do. She whined about not having any, and I ordered her to go buy some on her own, damn it.

She went out and bought a single pair of granny panties.

She still has them, and puts them on every now and then, and laughs about it.

I think she is sexy in them. But I do realize it was meant as a lesson.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

peacem said:


> Any thoughts?


I personally can't relate. One of the things that I appreciate very much about my wife is her willingness to wear any type of lingerie and she does every weekend. I wish that she would actually take the initiative to buy something herself like you did. However I appreciate what I have. She is, by the way, over 40 years old.

That said, lingerie works for me, but your husband is certainly not the only man who doesn't get anything out of it.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

uhtred said:


> My wife wears lingerie a lot and I always tell her that she looks good in it. There is the tricky issue though (that I haven't solved) of how to indicate my preferences.


Why not just buy something for her to wear to show your preferences?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> This is pretty close to what happened, yeah. She's worn other lingerie since because it helps her with her body image issues. I was young, dumb and *insensitively made a remark about her trying too hard or something like that*. I instantly saw the hurt on her face after I said it and immediately regretted it. I apologized, but I think that's one of those cases where you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
> 
> I'm not sure if that one event caused any lasting damage or not, but I still remember and regret it 15 years later.


Even though you were young, dumb and insensitive....can you try to explain what you meant by "trying to hard"? Did you secretly want to jab her about something? Did you mean by "trying to hard" something that was meant to cut her down a notch? Could you admit that if it were true? I know that over time, I have occasionally gotten comments from men (not necessarily men I'm in a relationship with, but them too) that were clearly meant to knock me down a notch...even just a teeny notch. So that the words did hurt and sting a lot, but since he only wanted to knock me a "little" notch, he didn't think it was that big of a deal before he said it. Seeing my reaction then made him think "wow, why was I deliberately trying to do that?" ... in some cases, anyway. That would be the men who were able to self reflect. The others would simply refuse to admit they "meant anything by it" and would accuse me of having thin skin. That always ticked me off because I knew there was SOMETHING behind these types of statements.

I eventually realized that sometimes men feel resentful that women can basically toss a man's sense of balance around on a whim, just by her being so arousing to him all the time. Sometimes men just wish your sexiness would stop arousing them so much so they could "see" you on a more even playing level. They feel that you have power over them that you don't deserve, and they resent they do not have that kind of power over us (which generally speaking is probably true...men don't typically render women powerless by constantly arousing them visually...some exceptions apply).

Or...did you mean something completely different? Something more like "naked would be better, why try so hard?"

Or...something different still?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Even though you were young, dumb and insensitive....can you try to explain what you meant by "trying to hard"? Did you secretly want to jab her about something? Did you mean by "trying to hard" something that was meant to cut her down a notch? Could you admit that if it were true? I know that over time, I have occasionally gotten comments from men (not necessarily men I'm in a relationship with, but them too) that were clearly meant to knock me down a notch...even just a teeny notch. So that the words did hurt and sting a lot, but since he only wanted to knock me a "little" notch, he didn't think it was that big of a deal before he said it. Seeing my reaction then made him think "wow, why was I deliberately trying to do that?" ... in some cases, anyway. That would be the men who were able to self reflect. The others would simply refuse to admit they "meant anything by it" and would accuse me of having thin skin. That always ticked me off because I knew there was SOMETHING behind these types of statements.
> 
> I eventually realized that sometimes men feel resentful that women can basically toss a man's sense of balance around on a whim, just by her being so arousing to him all the time. Sometimes men just wish your sexiness would stop arousing them so much so they could "see" you on a more even playing level. They feel that you have power over them that you don't deserve, and they resent they do not have that kind of power over us (which generally speaking is probably true...men don't typically render women powerless by constantly arousing them visually...some exceptions apply).
> 
> ...


Partially I think it was that I was caught off-guard--she'd never done the sexy outfit thing before. Partially it was that I didn't really care for the outfit itself. Wasn't ugly or anything, it just didn't do anything for me. Additionally she was doing this...pose?...on the bed that again caught me off-guard. She'd just never made that kind of effort before.

So between the outfit and the fact that I'd never actually been in a position like that before (we were both still pretty inexperienced), combined with the fact that I was dense as a stump and generally insensitive, I blurted out something stupid. I was legitimately a bad partner back then and did not appreciate what I had, when I had it.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I would prefer my wife to wear sexy lingerie. Her body images preclude her from that. I have tried to say that there are different styles of lingerie that accentuate different body types.

What she said to me that caused me to give up trying any more is, "You didn't marry a sl#t, so don't expect me to dress like one even if it is in the bedroom!" That kind of encapsulates her opinion on dressing in much of anything overly sexy.

You have gotten lots of good suggestions. Men are visual and all are different, so find out what he likes and dislikes. 

You might read up on fly fishing. In fly fishing, it is the presentation of a little bit of thread, fur and feathers that look nothing like real fish food, but trigger an instinctive response in a trout that the fisherman strive for. Also what works in the morning may not work at mid day or in the afternoon. What works in the Spring may not work in the Summer or Winter. 

You can either run experiments to see what works and doesn't work or you can try another approach. That other approach would be more Pavlovian in nature. In stead of ringing a bell to get his conditioned response, you could find your favorite lingerie outfit that makes you feel the sexiest and then see if you can't create a conditioned response to it.

That is, do something he really loves enough times when you wear that outfit the he associates the outfit with a desired sexual act/performance. That will allow you to "teach him to like the lingerie" you like to wear to make you feel sexy.

Good luck.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

uhtred said:


> She got some special lingerie to wear for my birthday. Usually she gets very nice stuff, but truth be told this was sort of ghastly. I of course didn't tell her that.
> 
> I think preferences on lingerie vary a lot. To me there are different styles that can't be really compared to each other.
> 
> .


People do have such a wide range of tastes.

Can you describe for us what was "ghastly" about the lingerie? Or find a pic of something similar? I'm just curious what you think is ghastly. Maybe also find a pic of something you find alluring so we can see the difference.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

FW, this is only for you - or women like you. 

You seem to have a giant sex drive, more 'male like'. If you behave in a more male like manner, especially with a more casual acquaintance who isn't fully aware of all aspects of you, expect to be treated in a bit of a male buddy manner from time to time. 

Men generally treat women differently than other men but it is learned, we can slip back when presented with something clearly out of the ordinary. 




Faithful Wife said:


> Even though you were young, dumb and insensitive....can you try to explain what you meant by "trying to hard"? Did you secretly want to jab her about something? *Did you mean by "trying to hard" something that was meant to cut her down a notch? Could you admit that if it were true? I know that over time, I have occasionally gotten comments from men (not necessarily men I'm in a relationship with, but them too) that were clearly meant to knock me down a notch...even just a teeny notch. * So that the words did hurt and sting a lot, but since he only wanted to knock me a "little" notch, he didn't think it was that big of a deal before he said it. Seeing my reaction then made him think "wow, why was I deliberately trying to do that?" ... in some cases, anyway. That would be the men who were able to self reflect. The others would simply refuse to admit they "meant anything by it" and would accuse me of having thin skin. That always ticked me off because I knew there was SOMETHING behind these types of statements.
> 
> I eventually realized that sometimes men feel resentful that women can basically toss a man's sense of balance around on a whim, just by her being so arousing to him all the time. Sometimes men just wish your sexiness would stop arousing them so much so they could "see" you on a more even playing level. They feel that you have power over them that you don't deserve, and they resent they do not have that kind of power over us (which generally speaking is probably true...men don't typically render women powerless by constantly arousing them visually...some exceptions apply).
> 
> ...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

anonmd said:


> FW, this is only for you - or women like you.
> 
> You seem to have a giant sex drive, more 'male like'. If you behave in a more male like manner, especially with a more casual acquaintance who isn't fully aware of all aspects of you, expect to be treated in a bit of a male buddy manner from time to time.
> 
> Men generally treat women differently than other men but it is learned, we can slip back when presented with something clearly out of the ordinary.


Yes, that very well could be. And I do have a lot of "drive" which comes across sometimes as a masculine quality. However, I am so feminine in my appearance that it is a bit confusing for some guys.

After I made that post and then read @Fozzy 's response, I also reflected on how men grow up constantly ball busting each other, and if they are not taught otherwise, they will treat girls and women this way, too. If a guy friend looks ridiculous, you tell him, gleefully, while mocking him and loudly making sure anyone nearby can hear it. You actually can't WAIT to tell him he looks ridiculous. This is part of male culture. But when you apply that kind of thing to interactions with women, we quickly get hurt by it. Of course we do. Because in female culture, we build each other up. We downplay when our friend looks ridiculous instead of knock her over the head with it. 

So while I do come across as confident and solid and in some ways I have a "masculine" presence in that way, I do think men respond to me the way they would to other men more often.

But when I flash my hurt puppy eyes about it, they quickly realize that wasn't really the right move (usually).

I still stand by my other statement too though....some men do want to knock you down a notch because they feel you have all the power and it pisses them off.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Of course we do. Because in female culture, we build each other up. We downplay when our friend looks ridiculous instead of knock her over the head with it.
> .


You mean, we guys can bust each others chops directly to our faces and move on whereas you gals will tell each other how great you look, but then gossip behind each others backs :wink2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> You mean, we guys can bust each others chops directly to our faces and move on whereas you gals will tell each other how great you look, but then gossip behind each others backs :wink2:


Sort of.

What will actually happen is that we will gang together to figure out how we can make the ridiculous looking friend not look ridiculous anymore, without hurting her feelings about it. So yes, the others in the friend group, behind her back, may be like "oh girrrrrlllllll....did you see what she has done to her hair? OMG, how can she do that, it looks soooooo bad!" (other friend) "I know, right!! I can't tell her it would crush her, but that is just nasty!" And then the posse considers different ways of getting the bad hair friend to change her hair without saying they hate it. It is never the intention to hurt her feelings, but the talking behind her back part of it is also not the same as back stabbing. We really do have her best interests in mind. The hair example is a true one I have going on right now...but our posse wasn't able to get her to understand how bad it looks....so at that point, you just roll with it. You don't keep trying to change the friend after you've made gentle attempts that have not worked. You accept your friend's choice of bad hair and move on. Though you will typically withhold compliments about the bad hair, so as not to be untruthful nor encourage it. 

This has also happened to me over the years....my posse has had to gently explain to me that I should or shouldn't wear this or that....that this or that is flattering to me while this or that isn't....and I've been grateful for the delicate way the women in my life do this.

OTOH, some of us choose fashion or hair or whatever that is outside the norm or cultural situation, and our friends might balk because it isn't something that fits inside the box. This is a different scenario, that just comes down to personal expression. In this case, yes we might mock each other. Like I know a girl who likes to get long tips put on her nails, and then multiple nail colors, and jewels, stuff like that. I don't have much opinion on that, it looks ok on some women but I'd never do it myself. But her best friend tells her straight up that these are "nasty hood rat nails" and she should stop doing it. The friend with the nails doesn't care that her friend thinks they are nasty, so she just laughs and says "hey at least I make an effort, your nails look like you were trying to eat your fingers for breakfast" or similar.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes, that very well could be. And I do have a lot of "drive" which comes across sometimes as a masculine quality. However, I am so feminine in my appearance that it is a bit confusing for some guys.
> 
> After I made that post and then read @Fozzy 's response, I also reflected on how men grow up constantly ball busting each other, and if they are not taught otherwise, they will treat girls and women this way, too. If a guy friend looks ridiculous, you tell him, gleefully, while mocking him and loudly making sure anyone nearby can hear it. You actually can't WAIT to tell him he looks ridiculous. This is part of male culture. But when you apply that kind of thing to interactions with women, we quickly get hurt by it. Of course we do. Because in female culture, we build each other up. We downplay when our friend looks ridiculous instead of knock her over the head with it.
> 
> ...


Perfect response there, any non-neanderthal should immediately get what he's done;

Entire post is 100% accurate! 

As far as the last underlined part goes, I'm sure there are some - maybe the fanatical redpill crowd. 

Personally, I have those thoughts a lot, I'd LOVE to throw it back her way to let her feel what it's like. Then I realize it would A: Have no effect, and B: make no difference so let it go...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

anonmd said:


> As far as the last underlined part goes, I'm sure there are some - maybe the fanatical redpill crowd.
> 
> Personally, I have those thoughts a lot, I'd LOVE to throw it back her way to let her feel what it's like. Then I realize it would A: Have no effect, and B: make no difference so let it go...


I don't think it is just the RP crowd. I think men experience a lot of sexual frustration, beginning at a very young age, and they don't see or hear us having the same frustration (even though many of us do), and they grow to feel pissed off that they are afflicted this way but we are not. "It isn't fair" type of feeling. And they end up lashing out in small ways because of it. Most men grow past this and learn better ways to deal with sexual frustration. I am not saying it is that common to lash out at women this way....just that I have seen it more than a few times, toward myself and other women, from guys who felt a little powerless and resentful.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> I still stand by my other statement too though....some men do want to knock you down a notch because they feel you have all the power and it pisses them off.


Even as a man who would never do such a thing, I have to agree. Men are supposed to be strong and women are supposed to be needy. Men don't take it well that they (typically, as always there are exceptions on both sides) have greater "need" for sex and that women are essentially the ones who are in control and for all our physical strength us fragile ego'd neanderthals don't handle that well.

I could/would never even consider trying to "take my wife down a notch." I love her far too much and I believe part of my husbandly duty is to support her at all times. But that doesn't mean I don't, as you say, occasionally get pissed, especially when she's chipper as a spring bird while the dark cloud of inactivity is hanging over my head. It's undoubtedly the hardest thing I've faced as a man.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't think it is just the RP crowd. I think men experience a lot of sexual frustration, beginning at a very young age, and they don't see or hear us having the same frustration (even though many of us do), and they grow to feel pissed off that they are afflicted this way but we are not. "It isn't fair" type of feeling. And they end up lashing out in small ways because of it. Most men grow past this and learn better ways to deal with sexual frustration. I am not saying it is that common to lash out at women this way....just that I have seen it more than a few times, toward myself and other women, from guys who felt a little powerless and resentful.



Agree. 

MOST men feel this way. It is mostly the RP crowd that seems to use it in relationships, most other men will not express it or only rarely under extreme duress within a relationship. 

Perfectly happy to point out the hypocrisy to a casual acquaintance seeking advice or describing some situation with a partner though - fair game, you asked.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MJJEAN said:


> I disagree that @peacem 's DH's reaction is stupid. He's not into the lingerie thing and he's not pretending to like it more than he actually does. I'd much rather have the honesty than get a faux reaction. With the honesty, she can find out what he does like to see her in so she can get the reactions she wants.


Yeah, honesty's good. Being an a-hole about it isn't.

_"he laughed at me and told me not to wear it, it looks silly."_

She was wearing it because SHE felt sexy in it. Then was told she looks silly. That is cringe-worthy.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> I have MADE money on buying sex toys because most of them get returned as they break. I get cashback on my credit card and cashback through comparison websites.


 @peacem so wait a minute, you buy sexual products, return them with wear&tear perhaps covered by a "warranty" and somehow combine that with promotional opportunities on "comparison" websites to MAKE money?

I don't even know what to say to that, but I really do wish there was an episode on TV of extreme couponing that demonstrated how this works with sex toys!


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

This has always kind of been a back and forth with my wife. I guess I would say that I love when she wears something sexy like that but only if she is the one making advances at me and "taking care" of me. I love the way she looks in it and it is a total turn on. The flip side to it is if I'm the one taking care of her or if I'm not really in the mood but willing, the lingerie only lasts a couple minutes until it's on the floor next to the bed, so really what's the point?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

badsanta said:


> @peacem so wait a minute, you buy sexual products, return them with wear&tear perhaps covered by a "warranty" and somehow combine that with promotional opportunities on "comparison" websites to MAKE money?
> 
> I don't even know what to say to that, but I really do wish there was an episode on TV of extreme couponing that demonstrated how this works with sex toys!


...and I forgot to say they also send me a free gift with my purchase >. I swear I must be on a list at Lovehoney.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, imagine a solid camisole and g-string panties. She doesn't normally wear g-strings because they are uncomfortable, and I don't actually like how they look anyway (they *look* uncomfortable). I had never mentioned g-strings because it didn't occur to me that she would get one for a special occasion.

Then the color was in blue and red. It looked vaguely super-girl like. 

Also it was all tight fitting, and while I love her dearly, her figure isn't really what it was 35 years ago.

Nothing fundamentally wrong, just not at all matching my aesthetic sense. 

I of course told her how much I appreciated the effort but tried to hint that it looked "uncomfortable". 


What I like - a variety of things. Mostly I guess thin silk (black or colored) that is revealing in a peek-a-boo sort of way. Something light, that moves to give tantalizing glimpses, or to sometimes outline exciting body parts.


I'd also appreciate a more kinky (leather, straps etc) look, but she has said that she would feel silly in that - which is fine. She also turned down my suggestion to sometime wear a Venetian mask - sad, because I think they can be very interesting looking.


Still, I'm very happy that she likes to dress up to entice me. 








Faithful Wife said:


> People do have such a wide range of tastes.
> 
> Can you describe for us what was "ghastly" about the lingerie? Or find a pic of something similar? I'm just curious what you think is ghastly. Maybe also find a pic of something you find alluring so we can see the difference.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Look up tactile-emotion synesthesia for the neurological reasons 😷

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18821168


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> OK, imagine a solid camisole and g-string panties. She doesn't normally wear g-strings because they are uncomfortable, and I don't actually like how they look anyway (they *look* uncomfortable). I had never mentioned g-strings because it didn't occur to me that she would get one for a special occasion.
> 
> Then the color was in blue and red. It looked vaguely super-girl like.
> 
> ...


Ew ew ew. Jeeze. After twenty five, women have no business dressing like that. Keep your floor length nightgown on until all the lights are off, please.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My comments were only on the specific thing my wife picked, I very much appreciate her wearing lingerie in general. 






Todd Haberdasher said:


> Ew ew ew. Jeeze. After twenty five, women have no business dressing like that. Keep your floor length nightgown on until all the lights are off, please.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

@peacem

Read M'Lady this thread last night. She's been there, as I said before, so can relate to what is going on. She agreed with my posts, how my reactions affected her, and your feelings about how your dude made you feel.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

My H is the same, when we were first married, i bought some sexy baby doll outfit and matching panties, he laughed. He said he preferred if I came to bed naked. I'm not sure why lingerie is a big deal seeing the responses of men here.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

peacem said:


> This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....
> 
> I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.
> 
> ...


Sexy underwear does nothing for me ................I like naked .....naked is very sexy>


Your probably hot enough without the sexy underwear. 
Now if itmade my wife soaking wet because she likes wearinh then i wouldn't mind her wearing some sexy underwear.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

It is more about attitude I think. When there is a blue moon overhead, my wife will come downstairs after a shower with just a bath towel covering her. It is the least attractive look, but she comes with the sexiest attitude so it is an extreme turn on. I prefer lingerie with that attitude, it's the perfect storm for me.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I love lingerie. It's pretty much designed to make a woman feel beautiful. Some men like it, some men (as clearly evidenced by some of the ones on this thread) don't. 

What I can't wrap my head around is why a man would make fun of you or call you silly or dismiss your efforts. Do they not want to have sex again? That is the sort of dynamic they set up when they make you feel ridiculous for putting an effort into your appearance in the bedroom. Whether it's their particular taste or not is something to discuss if they ask you, or maybe to express by getting her an outfit that's more inline with what you find arousing, so she gets the hint. I know gender roles are very different, but if I saw a man I cared about in underwear that looked a little silly to me (douchey satin briefs with tigers leaping across them or something), I would acknowledge that a LOT of trust goes into being naked in front of your partner. Basically, you trust them to accept you as you are, and not to crap all over your self esteem. You trust them to be loving. What he said was not loving.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

joannacroc said:


> I love lingerie. It's pretty much designed to make a woman feel beautiful. Some men like it, some men (as clearly evidenced by some of the ones on this thread) don't.
> 
> What I can't wrap my head around is why a man would make fun of you or call you silly or dismiss your efforts. Do they not want to have sex again? That is the sort of dynamic they set up when they make you feel ridiculous for putting an effort into your appearance in the bedroom. Whether it's their particular taste or not is something to discuss if they ask you, or maybe to express by getting her an outfit that's more inline with what you find arousing, so she gets the hint. I know gender roles are very different, but *if I saw a man I cared about in underwear that looked a little silly to me (douchey satin briefs with tigers leaping across them or something)*, I would acknowledge that a LOT of trust goes into being naked in front of your partner. Basically, you trust them to accept you as you are, and not to crap all over your self esteem. You trust them to be loving. What he said was not loving.


Idk, Joanna. I don't think I could help bursting out laughing!


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

My husband is one of those who thinks that a lot of lingerie just looks silly or uncomfortable and doesn't find that at all sexy -- and is not shy about expressing those opinions. 

When he criticizes it, though, I see it as a criticism of the lingerie, not the person. But that said, I don't like most lingerie either, for mostly the same reasons, so haven't actually been on the receiving end of those comments.

Still, hopefully I would be able to take my own advice that it's important to not assume that an insult about an article of clothing is any kind of insult about the beauty or desirability of the person wearing it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

aine said:


> My H is the same, when we were first married, i bought some sexy baby doll outfit and matching panties, he laughed. He said he preferred if I came to bed naked. I'm not sure why lingerie is a big deal seeing the responses of men here.


When my gf and I went on vacation together the first time she bought some really revealing lingerie.She came out of the bathroom with it on and we looked at each other.Simultaneously we both burst out laughing.That was the end of the lingerie.
Now yoga pants,that's a different subject entirely.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why?

Well one good reason might be that if she has a size 80 a$$ and then tries to squeeze the elastic out of a size 4 baby doll!

That sight alone would greatly meet the legal definition of obscenity!*


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Why?
> 
> Well one good reason might be that if she has a size 80 a$$ and then tries to squeeze the elastic out of a size 4 baby doll!
> 
> That sight alone would greatly meet the legal definition of obscenity!*


Thanks arb for clearing that one up for me. There the mystery ends...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

why is he acting so odd? beats me. all i can tell you is how I react

I hate pants on my wife, because...they show off nothing

When watching TV i like her to wear a short skirt. Underneath, sexy panties are nice but NO PANTIES is even better. easy access.

When sleeping in bed, no clothing is best. When GETTING INTO BED, sexy things are good. It shows you took the time to try to be sexy, to try to turn me on. I like playing with her body while she is wearing those things, but no more than 5 minutes later they will be on the floor.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Why?
> 
> Well one good reason might be that if she has a size 80 a$$ and then tries to squeeze the elastic out of a size 4 baby doll!
> 
> That sight alone would greatly meet the legal definition of obscenity!*


"She is pistol proof sir,you shall not hardly offend her"
Falstaff.Henry IV part II.
Reincarnation Arb.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Andy: I only wish that I could dispense "10 likes" for those very kind sentiments!*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It can be teasing in a good sort of way if you wear it before getting to bed. A constant reminder to him of what is in store.

Its also a really nice surprise, to see your partner in sexy lingerie when you aren't expecting it. 

Then it can be part of sort of dress-up play in bed. 





aine said:


> My H is the same, when we were first married, i bought some sexy baby doll outfit and matching panties, he laughed. He said he preferred if I came to bed naked. I'm not sure why lingerie is a big deal seeing the responses of men here.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@peacem

Before I got married I was shopping with my H's roommate, a guy I was good friends with before H and I got together. I held up a dress and asked him if he thought it would look right on me. He studied it, then held up, looked some more, then threw on the floor and said "yeah that's how you should dress."


The one good thing about being married to a man who simply cannot compliment, or even show appreciation with facial expressions, is that I can't remember the last time I wore something specifically to get a response from him. I wear what makes me feel good about me. If I feel sexy, sexy things happen. Feeling sexy, for me, is tied to looking sexy. 

I think he does like sexy get ups, those things you wear for no other reason but to take them off. He has given me a few odd things over the years. I wore them but he only reaction was that he was glad I liked whatever it was. Frankly, at this point a compliment from him is meaningless so if he did start to react it would probably annoy me.


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## ejamison22 (Apr 7, 2017)

Ok, ladies. I think some of us might be slightly over thinking why our dudes don't like what WE think is sexy. Being a women, I know we are programmed to view "sexy" as the typical Victoria Secrets commercial, but we tend to forget that you're not trying to sleep(or lack there of 😉) with yourself...maybe, just maybe it couldn't hurt to ask the one you are trying to sexually appealing to, what type of outfit or Elvis jumpsuit THEY find sexy...if all else fails, you typically can't go wrong with pigtails braids, a jersey of the most favorite, or most hated sports team, and make it tighter fitted, a pair of matching pair of boyshort undies, or the cheeky style, and a pair of matching knee high socks...and just nonchalantly bending at the hip to pick everything you just "happen" to keep dropping right in front of them. Ladies, remember, it's ok to try new things. If it's a new outfit you wouldn't normally choose, don't think it's because he wants you to be that way,or dress that way or even be that person (all the time) (I'm jk). It's called a fantasy for a reason. Think about your fantasy...looks nothing like him, does it? Hahaha 

Sent from my H1611 using Tapatalk


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## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

Maybe you can teach your husband to like lingerie by making it a secret language. 

- blue lingerie means you want to take care of him, he just has to lay down
- white lingerie is a code when you want long and passionate love making
- red lingerie means he can take you how/when he wants
- black lingerie: you're up for a quickie
...

That way he will read you lingerie as a message and not just see it like clothes.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

peacem said:


> This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....
> 
> I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.
> 
> ...




Ouch. Can't believe he laughed at you.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Way back when, I didn't really care what my wife worn as long as it was her bday suit at the end of the night. 

But it was nice, Before kids, to come home from work and have her waiting for me in something pretty.


Just to clarify, my wife doesn't need any adornments to be beautiful. She has that covered on her own.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

aine said:


> My H is the same, when we were first married, i bought some sexy baby doll outfit and matching panties, he laughed. He said he preferred if I came to bed naked. I'm not sure why lingerie is a big deal seeing the responses of men here.


In my impression, there seems to be a good number of men on TAM who appreciate lingerie. I'd guess it's almost 50%. Again, part of it is the physical appearance and part of it is the knowledge that the wife cares enough to give the husband a fun treat.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

For our first anniversary, my wife bought a lingerie set that I thought was an excellent choice and looked great on her. However, when she put it on, she was clearly very uncomfortable wearing it. So while I loved the way she looked in it, and loved the attempt on her part to dress up for me, I told her she never needed to wear it again if it made her uncomfortable. She never wore it again.

I would have loved if my wife wore lingerie more often. But it made her feel uncomfortable. So she never wears anything but comfy cotton that covers everything.

Some guys love lingerie. Some guys don't. But what most guys love most is when their wife feels sexy and wants to share her sexiness with him.

Guys who don't appreciate their wife's effort are idiots and deserve whatever negative consequences arise from spurning their wife's effort to please him.


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## gt30743 (Apr 10, 2017)

My husband likes me to be nude, as opposed to being in lingerie which I take as a compliment. Honestly, I like him to be nude as opposed to wearing underwear as well.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

We shower together everyday, we sleep naked every night, we have sex daily, there is a lot of nakedness. MrH and I both love lingerie, his face lights up like it is Christmas when I surprise him. 

It is irrelevant what other men like the only man that matters is your husband and apparently he likes to make you feel bad, not good enough. A husband should embrace a wife that enjoys feeling sexy in lingerie, if he doesn't like it then toughen up and behave in a way that honors his wifes needs. I would hazard a guess that he wants you to be enthusiastic about things he enjoys.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Holdingontoit said:


> For our first anniversary, my wife bought a lingerie set that I thought was an excellent choice and looked great on her. However, when she put it on, she was clearly very uncomfortable wearing it. So while I loved the way she looked in it, and loved the attempt on her part to dress up for me, I told her she never needed to wear it again if it made her uncomfortable. She never wore it again.
> 
> I would have loved if my wife wore lingerie more often. But it made her feel uncomfortable. So she never wears anything but comfy cotton that covers everything.
> 
> ...


i think THAT was a mistake. just as long as it was sized to fit her, it showed some sort of body image problem. If you helped her work thru it, you would probably have a much more kinky and fulfilling sex life right now


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

gt30743 said:


> My husband likes me to be nude, as opposed to being in lingerie which I take as a compliment. Honestly, I like him to be nude as opposed to wearing underwear as well.


but the opposite is def not true. Just because a man likes seeing you in lingerie does NOT mean he does not like your body! I can not emphasize that enough....a lot of women hear the man asking for her to wear some, and they take it as some sort of personal insult, which it almost never is.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> but the opposite is def not true. Just because a man likes seeing you in lingerie does NOT mean he does not like your body! I can not emphasize that enough....a lot of women hear the man asking for her to wear some, and they take it as some sort of personal insult, which it almost never is.


If he likes seeing you in lingerie, it's because he likes your body. Crikey, Real Estate loves seeing me in any and all kinds of lingerie and stuff of that sort, even when I think it doesn't look that great (for example, when my ample tummy is made very obvious or another body part that I don't like is accentuated)... he doesn't care, he just loves it.


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## ejamison22 (Apr 7, 2017)

sunhunter said:


> Maybe you can teach your husband to like lingerie by making it a secret language.
> 
> - blue lingerie means you want to take care of him, he just has to lay down
> - white lingerie is a code when you want long and passionate love making
> ...


Hahahaha "maybe you can teach you husband to like lingerie..." That's hysterical. That's a good idea, but FAR too complicated for a dude. LADIES: BREAK THIS **** DOWN TO ITS MOST BASIC FORM; Men are legitimately VERY easy to please. They want to eat, sleep, have sex, and, hopefully, work...and not necessarily in that order. If they can have sex, they don't even really care about food all that much lmfao...don't ***** at them when they come home from work, I know it's hard if you've been at home all day pissed because he left some random mess or tools on kitchen counter, or your bed, lol, and you've been stewing on it most of the day....let him come home, have some food ready, or close to it, give him a few minutes to unwind from his "hard day" and when it comes time for bed just get naked. I'll bet ANYONE $100 it definitely catches his attention, as well as his ****'s lol. DONT OVER THINK IT. BE DIFFERENT. YOU DONT NEED TO SPEND MONEY ON THOSE OUTRAGEOUSLY PRICED LINGERIE PIECES TO BE SEXY...or at least to have sex lol. 
Step 1: Make sure your dude is in the room of choice with you, if so, close door, maybe even lock door depending on how much you truely want to enjoy yourself...if kids happen to still​ be awake, you can tell them that you two are "moving furniture" and have to have door closed to they don't get squashed by all that furniture that needs moved lol (it worked for my husband's parents when my husband and his lil sister where growing up, it's a running joke now about his parents consistently needing to rearrange their bedroom, but nothing every look different).
Step 2: Make sure he's awake lol
Step 3: stand directly in front of him and just start casually removing your clothes.
Step 4: If he's not keeping his eyes glued to you, or your boobs, then you two may have far bigger issues than him just not wanting you to wear some $100+ lace tank top while you're, uh, moving your furniture​...lol how many of my fellow ladies ACTUALLY understood my ramblings, and are going to try this **** tonight? Lol if you are, I'd love to know the statical numbers...for pure curiosity lol the #s will be 0 out of 7 dudes turned downed a naked woman that they DONT have to court.... agajn....lol 

Sent from my H1611 using Tapatalk


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## ejamison22 (Apr 7, 2017)

ABHale said:


> Way back when, I didn't really care what my wife worn as long as it was her bday suit at the end of the night.
> 
> But it was nice, Before kids, to come home from work and have her waiting for me in something pretty.
> 
> ...


I should have scrolled down all the way, because I just said a lot of the same things you did, you just got straight to the point...lol I'm incapable, I'm a woman lol. Either way, seems like most women could hear the exact same statement come from a man and it's considered "a man being a man," or something of that sort...it's may be a necessity for me to make the same statement, outloud, shortly after a guy has said it, that way other women will, guaranteed, be thinking "you know something, she might be right....men ARE easy to please." Buy them a steak, cook it, then just get naked at some point in front of him before he falls asleep. Nothing makes me feel sexier than my husband not being able to keep his hands off of me, especially when Im feeling a little self-conscience...take it right away. 

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## ejamison22 (Apr 7, 2017)

ABHale said:


> Ouch. Can't believe he laughed at you.


...I don't know her husband, so I can't speak on his behalf, or even tell you what his exacts thoughts are, but I do know my husband and we are disturbingly open with each other about almost everything, some **** you need to keep to yourself lol...that aside, I would so much rather have my husband tell me I look like a rats ******* in whatever clothes I was wearing, sexy lingerie or not, any day of the week. Why? Because he's looking out for ME! He's telling me, "uhh....that's a no-go," or whatever stupid-funny statement he'd say...I look at him telling me he's not down with the shirt I'm wearing or he not a fan of the shorts Ive been wearing all day as his way of making sure I don't look like an idiot out in public thinking I look "dead sexy" when it it very possible I forgot to look in the mirror before walking out the front door...he's making I don't get embarrassed or feel uncomfortable by being honest with me and saying "babe...you're not really pulling off the look you're going for right now," and it's a relief because he loves my body, my style, my personality, the all around look of JUST ME. I don't see her husband giggling slightly he outfit she was wearing as a personal attack on her self worth or who SHE is a his wife...do you honestly think he'd go that far into a relationship with someone he wasn't sexually attracted to? Take it as a compliment, he prefers you to not hide your body. He obviously isn't someone who is superficial, or caught up it the stigma of "well it's not sexy unless your wearing a babydoll nighty, while wearing 6 in heels, and grinding your crotch on a metal pole to the song "Crazy *****" by Buckcherry," I mean don't get me wrong, who wouldn't pay good money to see a woman do that, those girls are way sturdier up there on those stages while sweating profusely, as well as managing NOT to eat **** off the end of the stage or kick some customer I the face on accident, WHILE looking sexy-ish....God damn...I give those girls who are capable of multi-tasking like that so much credit, they deserve a bronze star, or the medal of valor because I can't even walk a ****ing talk at the same time let alone do Al that **** while being sexually appealing. Moral of this is quit second guessing him, sweet cheeks. Be happy he was honest with you, and who gives a **** if he's doing it for him or for you, be happy he's still attracted to you and that it's such a minute situation, it cant even be considered a problem. I hope the best for you 2, as well as all the other Professional Marriage Counselors, like myself, that have given you their closet recelection to "The Hitchhiker's Guide To A Perfect Marriage"...clearly we have all figured out "life" and are trying to give back to the less fortunate hahahaha. Sweetheart, don't pay too much, if any, attention to us on here. Try talking to your husband, not arguing. Plain talking. If you're not able to get your words out the way you want them, take my husband's advice to me, "if it helps you concentrate, write me a letter.....just don't forget to actually give it to me though," lol. No distractions, or interruptions...no wiggle room for one of you to get impatient while the other is mid sentence, and interrupt the other....when in doubt talk to him, or get naked with him.  lol

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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

ejamison22 said:


> ...I don't know her husband, so I can't speak on his behalf, or even tell you what his exacts thoughts are, but I do know my husband and we are disturbingly open with each other about almost everything, some **** you need to keep to yourself lol...that aside, I would so much rather have my husband tell me I look like a rats ******* in whatever clothes I was wearing, sexy lingerie or not, any day of the week. Why? Because he's looking out for ME! He's telling me, "uhh....that's a no-go," or whatever stupid-funny statement he'd say...I look at him telling me he's not down with the shirt I'm wearing or he not a fan of the shorts Ive been wearing all day as his way of making sure I don't look like an idiot out in public thinking I look "dead sexy" when it it very possible I forgot to look in the mirror before walking out the front door...he's making I don't get embarrassed or feel uncomfortable by being honest with me and saying "babe...you're not really pulling off the look you're going for right now," and it's a relief because he loves my body, my style, my personality, the all around look of JUST ME. I don't see her husband giggling slightly he outfit she was wearing as a personal attack on her self worth or who SHE is a his wife...do you honestly think he'd go that far into a relationship with someone he wasn't sexually attracted to? Take it as a compliment, he prefers you to not hide your body. He obviously isn't someone who is superficial, or caught up it the stigma of "well it's not sexy unless your wearing a babydoll nighty, while wearing 6 in heels, and grinding your crotch on a metal pole to the song "Crazy *****" by Buckcherry," I mean don't get me wrong, who wouldn't pay good money to see a woman do that, those girls are way sturdier up there on those stages while sweating profusely, as well as managing NOT to eat **** off the end of the stage or kick some customer I the face on accident, WHILE looking sexy-ish....God damn...I give those girls who are capable of multi-tasking like that so much credit, they deserve a bronze star, or the medal of valor because I can't even walk a ****ing talk at the same time let alone do Al that **** while being sexually appealing. Moral of this is quit second guessing him, sweet cheeks. Be happy he was honest with you, and who gives a **** if he's doing it for him or for you, be happy he's still attracted to you and that it's such a minute situation, it cant even be considered a problem. I hope the best for you 2, as well as all the other Professional Marriage Counselors, like myself, that have given you their closet recelection to "The Hitchhiker's Guide To A Perfect Marriage"...clearly we have all figured out "life" and are trying to give back to the less fortunate hahahaha. Sweetheart, don't pay too much, if any, attention to us on here. Try talking to your husband, not arguing. Plain talking. If you're not able to get your words out the way you want them, take my husband's advice to me, "if it helps you concentrate, write me a letter.....just don't forget to actually give it to me though," lol. No distractions, or interruptions...no wiggle room for one of you to get impatient while the other is mid sentence, and interrupt the other....when in doubt talk to him, or get naked with him.  lol
> 
> Sent from my H1611 using Tapatalk




There is away to let a loved one know with out hurting them. That is what I really should have said. OP's husband just sounds like an azz. 

Always laugh with the ones you love. 

Never laugh at the ones you love, especially when it is about something that makes them feel good. 

OP likes wearing pretty things, it makes her feel good inside. For her husband to laugh at her, well we all can relate to been cut to the core I believe.


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## gt30743 (Apr 10, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> but the opposite is def not true. Just because a man likes seeing you in lingerie does NOT mean he does not like your body! I can not emphasize that enough....a lot of women hear the man asking for her to wear some, and they take it as some sort of personal insult, which it almost never is.


LOL You're absolutely right about that! We will twist every thing you guys say to construe the kindest words into an insult or offense. We are kind of crazy like that, you can't win! LOL Not to worry, guys drives us nuts as well.

I like lingerie and sexy bras/panties and have them. But when I wear them for him, he just takes them off or ask me to take them off. All my boyfriends before marriage loved it when I wore that stuff, oh well whatever hubby likes is good for me. I just wear them for myself as regular underwear.


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