# HELP -CoSleeping is impacting my marriage



## SuperPig (4 mo ago)

this is my first post on here so go easy on me! 

my wife and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 4 year old child. She insisted on her sleeping with us at a very young age; 8 months old. At first I was okay with it, we lived in a small apartment so it all made sense. But 2.5 years ago we moved to a 3 bedroom house in the country and she still keeps her in the bed even though she wants to sleep in her own room. I instead have to sleep in my daughters bed. i recently booked us a break away and I requested the hotel To have a separate child bed and she still insisted sleeping with our daughter. I told her I wish I’d had the discussion with her before we were married whether she would cosleep with our children as I said it wasn’t normal for a married couple to have no Intamacy

this in turn has lead to numerous arguments and our sex life has been non existent for a good few years now.

i really want to just leave the marriage but my daughter is so young. Any advice please


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Go read the hundreds upon thousands of dead sex life threads on this forum. You have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting what you are wanting from your wife. You will not like what you find. If she had any sexual desire for you at all she would be having sex with you ….but she isn’t.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Listen to me. Stop what you are doing. Go downstairs and take your balls out of your wife's purse...she may have hid them in one of the side compartments next to her tampons. 

Nip this in the bud.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

SuperPig said:


> i really want to just leave the marriage but my daughter is so young. Any advice please


Tell your wife you considering leaving the marriage, tell her why. After she is done throwing a tantrum you will understand what your future looks like. 

4 year old still sleeping in her parents bad, your wife is not healthy.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Tell your wife you considering leaving the marriage, tell her why. After she is done throwing a tantrum you will understand what your future looks like.
> 
> 4 year old still sleeping in her parents bad, your wife is not healthy.


Think that is bad, my sister in law is in her 20's and still sleeps in their bed at night... I hold my tongue.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SuperPig said:


> this is my first post on here so go easy on me!
> 
> my wife and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 4 year old child. She insisted on her sleeping with us at a very young age; 8 months old. At first I was okay with it, we lived in a small apartment so it all made sense. But 2.5 years ago we moved to a 3 bedroom house in the country and she still keeps her in the bed even though she wants to sleep in her own room. I instead have to sleep in my daughters bed. i recently booked us a break away and I requested the hotel To have a separate child bed and she still insisted sleeping with our daughter. I told her I wish I’d had the discussion with her before we were married whether she would cosleep with our children as I said it wasn’t normal for a married couple to have no Intamacy
> 
> ...


There is nothing wrong with a child sleeping with their parents. I did, and all 6 of my kids have as well. 

However, things like cosleeping, bathing together, etc are a mutual choice. Once the child wants their own space it needs to be given to them. Why is your wife forcing a child to share a bed with her? 

Bedsharing does not have to stop intimacy. All of my kids have slept in our bed, some for years longer than your daughter. I still ended up with 6 kids. Bedsharing isn’t the problem, your wife just doesn't want to have sex with you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SuperPig said:


> this in turn has lead to numerous arguments and our sex life has been non existent for a good few years now.
> 
> i really want to just leave the marriage but my daughter is so young. Any advice please


That you didn’t stomp on this nonsense from the beginning has done you no favours.

That said although I cannot fathom why anyone with a sex drive would suck up no sex for any number of years, let alone even several weeks. There’s nothing stopping you telling your wife today, that you’re done with being in a sexless marriage.

So she can either wake the **** up, and figure out how to start sharing a sex life with her husband, or you will give her the divorce she deserves.

Likewise if she has no desire to share sex with you, you ought to feel free to get out there right now, and find others who are willing.

That said, why on earth would you settle for years without any sex in a nominally sexual relationship?

Do you even have a sex drive at all?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Tell your wife you considering leaving the marriage


Don't threaten divorce unless you're willing to see it through.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Trident said:


> Don't threaten divorce unless you're willing to see it through.


True that is important. Should have made that point.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Your wife has your daughter in the bed with her just to avoid sex with you. Or am I wrong? Are you and your wife having regular sex?

your desire to leave the marriage is the right move. I think all you were is a sperm donor and wallet to her, but I could be wrong. More details needed.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@Evinrude58, the OP wrote that his sex life has been non-existent for years.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Children should NEVER sleep in the martial bed. It will kill the marriage and hurt the child’s dependency growth.

it’s like smoking..once you start, it’s almost impossible to stop. Baffles my mind why any parent would do it.

Of course, your wife may be passive aggressive and doing it so she doesn’t have to have sex with you.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I think she is using the child as a c0ck block. I could see if the kid had a nightmare or maybe not feeling well she could sleep for that night or whatever but for a regular thing,? Nope. And it is unhealthy in my opinion.

I think this is going to be a mountain to climb, buddy. I know its hard with a young child to divorce, but she can't control this nor can you allow it. Do what you gotta do.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Is your wife still breastfeeding also? How have you allowed this for four years? Guarantee the next time she has sex with you is because she’s looking for child number two.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

SuperPig said:


> this is my first post on here so go easy on me!
> 
> my wife and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 4 year old child. She insisted on her sleeping with us at a very young age; 8 months old. At first I was okay with it, we lived in a small apartment so it all made sense. But 2.5 years ago we moved to a 3 bedroom house in the country and she still keeps her in the bed even though she wants to sleep in her own room. I instead have to sleep in my daughters bed. i recently booked us a break away and I requested the hotel To have a separate child bed and she still insisted sleeping with our daughter. I told her I wish I’d had the discussion with her before we were married whether she would cosleep with our children as I said it wasn’t normal for a married couple to have no Intamacy
> 
> ...


As others have said, the co-sleeping (though sub-optimal at this point) is not the primary issue. 
The primary issue is that your will doesn’t want to have sex with you. Which means she isn’t sexually attracted to you and doesn’t desire you.

The question is why?

As well as why have you tolerated a sexless marriage for years?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SuperPig said:


> my wife and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 4 year old child. She insisted on her sleeping with us at a very young age; 8 months old.
> 
> But 2.5 years ago we moved to a 3 bedroom house in the country and she still keeps her in the bed even though she wants to sleep in her own room.
> this in turn has lead to numerous arguments and our sex life has been non existent for a good few years now.
> ...


You want your daughter to sleep in her own room, and your daughter wants to sleep in her own room. The only one that wants your daughter to sleep in your bed in your room is your wife. One night soon, take your daughter at bed time by the hand and put her in bed in your daughter’s own room. Read your daughter a bedtime story and then turn off the lights and leave your daughter to sleep in her own bed. Stand guard at your daughter’s door and tell your wife to stop being selfish and let your daughter sleep.

If your wife does not cooperate, tell her that this marriage is coming to an end unless she changes her actions. That as far as you are concerned, the woman that you married no longer exists; that you both need to discuss the timing and logistics of divorce.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> _*Listen to me. Stop what you are doing. Go downstairs and take your balls out of your wife's purse...she may have hid them in one of the side compartments next to her tampons.
> 
> Nip this in the bud.*_



Seriously.

Man the hell up already.

Who the hell wants a kid sleeping in their bed every night with them? Your wife has turned into one of those women who forget they're women and just become 'mothers.' How attractive.

I'd be letting her know things will be changing immediately or you'll be reconsidering *other* options - and then STAND behind your words. Why you've put up with this nonsense for YEARS boggles my mind.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


bobert said:



There is nothing wrong with a child sleeping with their parents. I did, and all 6 of my kids have as well.

Click to expand...

*LOL...many feel there's plenty wrong with it. Nobody needs to be joined to their kid's hips 24 hours a day, for God's sake. 

I'll just agree to disagree.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...many feel there's plenty wrong with it. Nobody needs to be joined to their kid's hips 24 hours a day, for God's sake.
> 
> *I'll just agree to disagree.*


Uh huh. There is no "agree to disagree" with you or you wouldn't have said anything. 

I stand by my opinion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bedsharing or cosleeping.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Seriously.
> 
> Man the hell up already.
> 
> ...


It's not bad advice...however I'd say that even bringing up leaving as a threat or trying to force change is going to be counter productive here. It's pretty clear the wife isn't attracted to him at all and may be using the kid as a shield. Being coerced to change is the last thing she wants. Marriage vows can't promise everlasting attraction and that kind of love...that's just nature.

Op...my advice...separate yourself from the bed...do some soul searching and just assume your marriage is over (at least a loving sexual fulfilling kind). It's your call if you can live with that partnership but just know leaving IS a choice...and should you choose to stay you own it and accept a loveless marriage. Do the only thing you can and work on yourself and let the attraction come (from her or someone else...after you've left).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

As someone who never had any of my 3 children share the bed with me, I just don't get this. Either she doesn't want to have sex or she is far too unhealthily attached to the child. I mean will she be doing this in 5 years time? Or 10?
I agree with others, tell your child(who you said wants to sleep in her own room) that from tonight she is going to be such a grown up girl and sleep in her own bed, and tell your wife that from tonight you will be sleeping in your own bed. 
Thats it. If she then refuses to share the bed with you she can sleep on the sofa but don't back down under any circumstances. 

What does your wife say when your child says they want to be in their own room?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It seems to me that your wife got what she wanted from you and now your are surplus to requirement. Being the child very young, she probably also knows that you will never divorce her, or at least not for a few years. Congrats for buying a 3 bed in the countryside. Her life is perfect now.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The fact that the child _wants to sleep in her own bed and the mother won't let her_ and insists that child sleep with parent is very disturbing. In an awful, squicky way. I'm not going to say I think it's bordering on being abusive, but it's disturbing the child is being forced to sleep with a parent when she doesn't want to.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

bobert said:


> I stand by my opinion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bedsharing or cosleeping.


When her daughter wants to be in her own room and bed, and her husband wants to be in his room and bed, why do you believe that she has the right to force her view on them against their will?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

TRy said:


> When her daughter wants to be in her own room and bed, and her husband wants to be in his room and bed, why do you believe that she has the right to force her view on them against their will?


Read my first post, not what I was replying to.



bobert said:


> There is nothing wrong with a child sleeping with their parents. I did, and all 6 of my kids have as well.
> 
> However, things like cosleeping, bathing together, etc are a mutual choice. *Once the child wants their own space it needs to be given to them. Why is your wife forcing a child to share a bed with her?*
> 
> Bedsharing does not have to stop intimacy. All of my kids have slept in our bed, some for years longer than your daughter. I still ended up with 6 kids. Bedsharing isn’t the problem, your wife just doesn't want to have sex with you.


Where did I say the wife has a right to force her child to bedshare?

I also said bedsharing is a *mutual *choice. Its fine, as long as everyone involved is comfortable. When someone is no longer comfortable with it, it needs to stop.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Your wife is using your daughter to avoid intimacy with you. Speaking on intimacy, how is it outside of the lack of sex? Do you hug or kiss. 

Unfortunately, you’re going to have to pursue your Wife romantically. She has to feel like a desirable woman to turn that side of her back on. If you don’t do it, there’s going to be a guy who will. She is probably ripe for a smooth talking interloper, unless there’s one in the picture already and she’s avoiding intimacy to remain faithful to him.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If you haven’t had sex for years, it’s time to ask your wife if this is how she sees the future with you - no sex, and just co-parenting. Because you can do that divorced. I’m not suggesting to divorce but a marriage isn’t supposed to be one-sided and right now, your marriage isn’t a mutual partnership. I’d use that type of language and not bring sex too much into it, because to me an outsider looking in, it’s more than just about sex. Your wife doesn’t care what you want. Or what your child wants, for that matter.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

bobert said:


> Read my first post, not what I was replying to.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think it is best to discourage it. There are no proven benefits to sharing a bed with your child. It is actually dangerous when they are babies. The downsides are many, including displacing one of the spouses from the marital bed, which has happened here.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Take charge of your household!
You need to draw the line in the sand.
Sit her down and tell her she has two choices: 1) Kid goes in the proper bedroom, she gets help for her malfunctions, and the family stays intact or 2) You make an appointment with a solicitor and file, she can defend her malfunctions to a judge, and the kid can come from a broken home.
Give her the rest of the day to decide. Then, walk the talk.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

bobert said:


> I also said bedsharing is a *mutual *choice. Its fine, as long as everyone involved is comfortable. When someone is no longer comfortable with it, it needs to stop.


This caveat is important, and in the case of the OP would change everything.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think it is best to discourage it. There are no proven benefits to sharing a bed with your child. It is actually dangerous when they are babies. The downsides are many, including displacing one of the spouses from the marital bed, which has happened here.


That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. I don't agree, obviously. I am perfectly happy having an open door policy on the bedroom and I love waking up to a bed full of my kids. That's an important difference between myself and the OP.

Another one is that if there are nights that I want a kid-free bed, my wife will let them sleep with her until I go to bed then we move them. If we have an infant, she will attempt to put the baby in the bassinet. If it works, great. If not, I know she tried. If my wife thinks it's time to encourage them to sleep in their own bed, then we do that even if I'm kind of sad about it. If my kids want to sleep in their own bed, then that's where they sleep regardless of what we want. My second youngest only slept in our bed for the first few weeks, since then she has wanted her own bed and cannot fall asleep in our bed. My wife was sad about it because she loves the baby snuggles but it would never be forced. Doing so sounds abusive.

There are arguments for both sides, including that bedsharing is safer. Like many parenting issues, don't be a dumbass. Firm mattress, no loose bedding, no extra pillows, hair tied back, no loose clothing, no smoking, no drugs, no drinking, no heavy sleepers, mom curls around the baby in a "C" shape, baby has to be breastfed, etc. Some people will even say that room-sharing with a bassinet is unsafe (even though that's what's recommended for the first 6-12 months), because a parent could knock a pillow or blanket into the bassinet while they are sleeping.

You can't please everyone, but spouses should be on the same page and able to compromise. Bedsharing shouldn't displace a spouse, it shouldn't stop intimacy, and it shouldn't drive someone to contemplate divorce. They are doing it wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SuperPig said:


> this is my first post on here so go easy on me!
> 
> my wife and I have been married for 7 years now and we have a 4 year old child. She insisted on her sleeping with us at a very young age; 8 months old. At first I was okay with it, we lived in a small apartment so it all made sense. But 2.5 years ago we moved to a 3 bedroom house in the country and she still keeps her in the bed even though she wants to sleep in her own room. I instead have to sleep in my daughters bed. i recently booked us a break away and I requested the hotel To have a separate child bed and she still insisted sleeping with our daughter. I told her I wish I’d had the discussion with her before we were married whether she would cosleep with our children as I said it wasn’t normal for a married couple to have no Intamacy
> 
> ...


Get your wife mental help. She is not only destroying her marriage but damaging your child as well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Do you snore?
Do you still have sex even though you're sleeping separately?
If you have a three bedroom house, she could be sleeping separately from you even if you do snore in her own room and you and your own room and letting the child have its own room. 

Do you have a room fixed up for the child where it can go and keep all its things?

If she is using the child as a shield against having sex, you probably should start thinking about an exit plan maybe once the child is in school so that it would be easier for everyone. Maybe if that's the reason she's doing it it would be better for the child because then maybe she would consider giving the child its own room if she wasn't using it for a sex shield. So you do need to consider what's best for the child..

If you snore, then there's nothing unreasonable about a person wanting to sleep in a different room but there's no reason the child shouldn't have its own room at this point either. I can't sleep through someone's snoring at all so snoring is okay if I am only going to have the person in my bed for one night but that is the limit. I need my sleep and so do most people. There are the lucky few who are such sound sleepers that they can sleep through it. Ironically those are usually the snorers.

If she using the child as an excuse not have sex your marriage is over as soon as you get joint custody worked out with the child and the child is in school in my opinion. 

If it's because you snore or because she has some codependency on the child which isn't all that unusual, then it's time to get in the marriage counseling and at least sort out the child sleeping problem..


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> 4 year old still sleeping in her parents bad, your wife is not healthy.


This isn’t healthy for the child either! Children sleeping with their parents can’t be good for the child growing up and obviously destroys the intimate relationship between a husband and wife.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

SuperPig said:


> Our sex life has been non existent for a good few years now.


This above is why your wife is insisting on your daughter sleeping with her.

She is doing this so that you do not try to have sex with her.

This is not a sleeping issue. It is a very serious marital issue. 

She is using your daughter to keep you away.

This is not only damaging to you and your marriage, it is also very damaging to your daughter to be used as a pawn in her plot to keep you away.

This needs immediate professional intervention.

Your marriage and sex life are probably beyond saving so my suggestion is to get her to a good individual therapist that can explain the harm she is causing your daughter.

You need to be prepared for any professional Counsellors or therapists she may to encourage and support her in divorcing you since the measures she is taking to avoid you are extreme enough and are damaging to the child.

Even if you do divorce, she will still need therapy so that her dependence on and exploitation of the child can be addressed and corrected.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Think that is bad, my sister in law is in her 20's and still sleeps in their bed at night... I hold my tongue.


Gak!!!


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## Reluctant Texan (6 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Children should NEVER sleep in the martial bed. It will kill the marriage and hurt the child’s dependency growth.
> 
> it’s like smoking..once you start, it’s almost impossible to stop. Baffles my mind why any parent would do it.
> 
> Of course, your wife may be passive aggressive and doing it so she doesn’t have to have sex with you.


I've co-slept with kids for a couple months after birth.

Honestly, you're not having sex anyway until the wife/female recovers from pregnancy, so you all might as well get some sleep!

But with my xw, the return to intimacy wasn't as much of a problem even with co-sleeping... there are other beds in the house, or couches, or the kitchen counter if you're really feeling it. But with my current fiancée, it has been.

I think it depends on the woman, and the circumstances. Some just lose desire after becoming a mom. Or decide they don't need to do it anymore and figure it's more valuable as "leverage" to get what they want. And you start hearing the excuses or demands that are vague and impossible to fulfill like "I just don't feel connected to you" or "I need to feel loved and I don't right now"

Needless to say... it stops being a relationship at that point. You're more or less just "business partners" taking care of a kid.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Do you snore?
> Do you still have sex even though you're sleeping separately?
> If you have a three bedroom house, she could be sleeping separately from you even if you do snore in her own room and you and your own room and letting the child have its own room.
> 
> ...


No one mentioned ANYTHING about snoring. Nada.


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## Reluctant Texan (6 mo ago)

I don't understand how any spouse/partner/fiancee can just kinda ignore the other's desire. It seems like it's typically the woman (at least from the threads here) but not always.

I just wonder what goes through the mind of people like that. They just don't care about their partner's needs? They WANT them to have an affair? Are they super selfish or oblivious?

I remember learning in family classes in school (and this was in a conservative catholic school) that sex was part of a relationship, and it was as much a sin to deny your body to your partner as it was to cheat on them. Presumably other religions have similar teachings... so how can sexless partners ignore that and assume they can keep a marriage/relationship going?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> No one mentioned ANYTHING about snoring. Nada.


That doesn't mean it's not a factor. We are only hearing his narrative.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That doesn't mean it's not a factor. We are only hearing his narrative.


1. She’s not insisting on having their daughter sleep in their bed because he snores.
2. He said that she has basically shut down their sex life all together. 
She’s not refusing to have sex with him because he snores.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That doesn't mean it's not a factor. We are only hearing his narrative.


That's like pulling something out of thin air though and presenting it as a factor. Maybe he has bad breath. Maybe he has 5 nipples and she's grossed out. Maybe he wets the bed. Maybe he never cuts his toenails. None of that matters given the specifics of this actual situation. 

The house has 3 bedrooms. THE CHILD WANTS TO SLEEP IN HER OWN ROOM and actually has her own room set up. 

No matter what's going on with the parents (and we can pull **** out of thin air presenting them as possible factors until the cows come home) and if THEY sleep together or not, the child actually has her own room and wants to sleep there.

Just because mommy doesn't want to sleep with daddy because he wets the bed or whatever reason doesn't mean the child has to sleep with mommy. Nope.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DudeInProgress said:


> 1. She’s not insisting on having their daughter sleep in their bed because he snores.
> 2. He said that she has basically shut down their sex life all together.
> She’s not refusing to have sex with him because he snores.


No one mentioned snoring except that poster and she pulled it out of her ass.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bobert said:


> Read my first post, not what I was replying to.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I mean there are limits. When they are 3 or 4 years old and they get scared at night and as long as it doesn't become a routine. At a certain age, it's starts getting creepy though.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I mean there are limits. When they are 3 or 4 years old and they get scared at night and as long as it doesn't become a routine. At a certain age, it's starts getting creepy though.


The limits are when the child or parent is uncomfortable. 

I slept in my parents bed every night until I was like 10, give or take. That's where I was most comfortable, nothing creepy about it.

My 13 year old did the same. And when he'd stay with my parents he slept with my mom, also nothing creepy about it. He stopped when he was ready. They don't go off to college still sleeping with mom and dad. 

My 11 year old still gets into bed with us, or one of us, when she needs that extra comfort for a bit. My 6 year old would sleep with us every night if we let him, instead he sleeps with one of his brothers, also not creepy.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

bobert said:


> The limits are when the child or parent is uncomfortable.
> 
> I slept in my parents bed every night until I was like 10, give or take. That's where I was most comfortable, nothing creepy about it.
> 
> ...


The limit has been reached. The child does not want to sleep with her mother. The child wants to sleep in her own room.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> No one mentioned snoring except that poster and she pulled it out of her ass.


Otherwise known as asking a question I have every right to ask


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Livvie said:


> The limit has been reached. The child does not want to sleep with her mother. The child wants to sleep in her own room.


I agree.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I swear I hate my own sex sometimes. I get it, they’re only little Once but come on!! 

Females ruining perfectly good marriages and men.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I swear I hate my own sex sometimes. I get it, they’re only little Once but come on!!
> 
> Females ruining perfectly good marriages and men.


Part of the many reasons I divorced is because the ex slept in daughters room every night. She’s now 11 and they have a strange, co-dependent relationship. It really screws a kid up as well as a marriage.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

This is a massive red flag and it is not about your relationship or sex life with this woman.
She isn't into sex with you and keeps her own daughter in bed against your daughters will 
There are two significant questions you have to ask:
Why does you daughter don't want to sleep at 4 years in the same bed as her mother at night?
I don't mean sje should at 4, but a 4 year old on her own asking to sleep alone is strange. The kid is old enough, but it is strange that at this age without being used to it asking for it.
You have to consider your wife is doing other stuff to her child. 
Also considering your wife isn't into sex and seemingly was never. Maybe she is a disturbed lesbian who only looked for a man to give her a daughter.
Please be aware, that there are women out there that do such stuff too! Only society still ignores that women can be abusers to and this constellation of your family is a red flag.
I heard of children who got abused and it was the same as in your case. The mother kept sleeping in the same bed.
I think it was Whitney Houston and her cousines who got abused by females in the family who stayed in their ned at night. All disguiesed as no one would assume a woman in a childs bed to be a threat.

What would you think if a father was doing this?
Keep in mind, the child doesn't want it!
This is serious that at such age the child on its own wants to be away from the mother. This isn't for no reason. The child feels uncomfortable being close to her mother. This needs investigation and it should stop immidiatel.
Of whatever nature all of this is, it is serious enough. The child doesn't need and more important doesn't want it.
At the latter it becomes abuse.
There os something wrong with your wife mentally and I don't mean it just to insult her.
But yoir wife is obviously not normal and has boundary issues. A clear sign that she has a peesonality dissorder and therefore is demaging that child.

Please ger professional help!
It is not OK that still today woman can disguise abuse as 'being a caring mother'. 
A mother isn't automatically a good or healthy person a child is always safe around.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

bobert said:


> My 11 year old still gets into bed with us, or one of us, when she needs that extra comfort for a bit. My 6 year old would sleep with us every night if we let him, instead he sleeps with one of his brothers, also not creepy.


Since everyone involved is OK with it, the fact that many of us do not understand this practice is not material. We do not need to understand. To each their own.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

4 is far too old. Our son sleeps with us but he is 17 months old and is in the process of coming off meds for a heart condition. He'll be out before he's 2 and that was hard enough. Maybe he can come back on the odd night sometimes but will never be a regular thing again. 
If she insists on your daughter sleeping in the bed just tell her it makes you miserable and you will divorce her over it, then divorce her over it if she does not change. You WILL be miserable for the rest of your life, a man cannot be expected to live like that, and if she loved you she wouldn't do it.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

f


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bobert said:


> The limits are when the child or parent is uncomfortable.
> 
> I slept in my parents bed every night until I was like 10, give or take. That's where I was most comfortable, nothing creepy about it.
> 
> ...


Sure, you do you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Sure, you do you.


I will.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Where o where is OP?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DudeInProgress said:


> Where o where is OP?


Never to be seen again....


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