# Young separation, advice needed



## dustin88 (Nov 15, 2011)

This is going to get lengthy. but its needed. 

My name is dustin and my wife and i met 3 years ago online.. playing a video game.. hit it off. talked for a year over skype, the game etc. we had a routine going that was perfect. she would wake up and go to school (she was 18 and in highs chool, i was 20 and working in another state) 

she was miserable in her family life, adopted, never new her birth parents and her mother and step father (her mother married again) never treated he well respected her privacy, or anything.

she even caught her step dad going through her un-unmentionables and all her private things. 

she told e she wanted out of the house, and i was willing to do anything for her. so i moved back to my home state, and got her out of the home we were in.. we had a rough 2 years.. were married, hapily.. but dealt with lack of communication, barley made the bills, went hungry at times.. but always pulled through..

2 weeks ago she left me to live with her father (adapoted father) and we are still talking like we were, and doing thigns online.. shes just 350 miles away... i went and got personall counseling, medicine. and im miseable without my wife.. she means the world to me and i have sacrificed all.. and so has she. 

when i try to talk to her about us. she avoids the subject and said she needed to mvoe away for herself.. says she still loves me. one day she wants to come home and wants me to drive and get her. the next day she said she cant be with me. shes diagnosed bi polar and does hav a few other issues.. but nothing i cannot handle for this womans love for the rest of my life.. 

i jsut need advice.. help.. and any other things that can be said.. 

once again sorry for the lengthy post..


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Your story is really volitle right now. A lot could change pretty quickly. Unfortunately, rebuilding your relationship might take a lot of time. Also, your wife isn't stable right now. Even if she were to be convinced she wanted to be married and moved back in, it wouldn't be too much better right now. She needs time to figure herself out before a solid marriage to you is possible. 

Keep fighting the good fight. 



> 2 Thessalonians 3:13 And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.


Keep in prayer, keep fighting for your marriage. Your wife is vulnerable and lost. Be the adult and make SMART decisions. Even when it hurts. Even when your lonely and feeling rejected. 

Blessings.


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## dustin88 (Nov 15, 2011)

thanks for the fast reply. we are talking and working things out over skype.. some days the calls last 15 hours.. and its like nothing has happend.. im so glad shes happy again. and she said after she figures a few things out, shes going to move back.. but she said shes affraid of dissapointing her family. and its the main thing thats holding her back. i try to tell her she has to make desicions based on her happieness. and if family cannot support those desicions, than they truly dont care. i told her even if she dosent come home. she has to do it to make herself happy.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Making a marriage work sometimes takes a lot of hard work and unhappiness. People don't like talking about hurt and pain. People don't like and have a hard time getting past the resentment, anger, and guilt a relationship can bring. Sometimes its not about happiness for a while. Its about doing whats right and finding happiness after that.

I can't tell what you mean by disappointing her family. Do they not want you together? Disappointing is often the world that goes along with guilt. Guilt is an ugly thing. If she would feel guilty for going back or leaving you, that festers into other really bad things.

You guys are still pretty young. My wife and I were married a few years older than you guys and still had a lot of issues dealing with emotions in the right way. Each spouse has a responsibility to deal with their own emotions in a way that doesn't destroy the relationship. Sometimes that's really hard. When your angry, its hard to not say something hurtful. When she is feeling hurt, guilty, wanting to run, or whatever else, doing whats right can be just as hard.

My story is in my profile if you care to read and I'm separated as well.

Best of luck


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## dustin88 (Nov 15, 2011)

thanks for more advice everyone, i do have more good news.. her and i have talked with her family..and they said they are going to support her in any decisions that she makes. they said they may not like what she does but they want her happy.. and her father is an amazing man. we should be back together in the next few weeks. working our issues out and re establishing communication and fixing things... thanks for the advice all


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## dustin88 (Nov 15, 2011)

well, great news, my wife and i have agreed to work our problems out, and start 100% anew, going to try separate therapy for our personal issues and marriage counseling to help us as a couple, im happy to say that just after Christmas we are even moving across the US, i have ben given a new job offer and we are going to do what we can to make it work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would like to suggest two books for the two of you to read and work through together... 

"His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters", both by Dr. Harley.

If you are both still skyping for hours a day, you could read the books aloud to each other. THey have things that you can do together to build you a healthy relationship. If you do this your love will grow and your marriage will be a healthy and happy one.


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