# Did I do something wrong?



## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Hi,

My DH and I have been married for 15 years. He's 42, I'm 35. We have been through the gauntlet together. He was there for me when no one was. However, we've also had some rough patches in the marriage.

In Ocotober 2010, we were watching some show and I casually made a comment to him that "If you ever cheated on me I would forgive you". Ever since I made that comment he's made my life awful. He said he doesn't trust me and why would I say something like that after all we've been through. I don't know why I said it. It was just a casual comment. Did I mean it? Probably not. Who knows what I'd do if something like that really happened?

So, for the last year he hasn't let my comment go and I haven't even done anything! He wants a divorce because he says he can't trust me. I'm tired of arguing and trying to defend myself for something I just said! It's getting emotionally and mentally draining. 

Please be honest in your thoughts.

Thanks!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You told him if he cheated you would forgive him? 

I'm assuming, in his mind it makes the comment come across as maybe you cheated, and would like for him to forgive you, OR that if you ever DID cheat you would hope he would forgive you too? 

Have you ever asked him if that is how he feels? A year is a long time to hold a comment over someones head.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

He took offense to your harmless comment, he says he can't trust you, and he now wants a divorce. :scratchhead:

Do you think its possible when you made that comment, it struck a nerve with him because maybe that is what he is doing? Maybe he is or has cheated, and it caught him off guard by your comment? Something is really off though, you don't just say you can't trust someone and want a divorce from someone over a comment from a year ago.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Yes, it was in conversation. I think we were watching one of those talk shows about infidelity and I told him that if he ever cheated I would forgive him. Of course, it's all hypothetical. 

What you said is EXACTLY what he's thinking? He keeps saying either I've done something or I want to do something. I didn't do anything nor do I want to.

Yes, I've asked him how he feels and he says he can't trust me because of what I said.

It's maddening. Now, I really watch what I say around him. One day he wants a divorce, the next day he's fine. I'm at the point where if thinks that little of me then maybe I should let him go.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

AgentD said:


> He took offense to your harmless comment, he says he can't trust you, and he now wants a divorce. :scratchhead:
> 
> Do you think its possible when you made that comment, it struck a nerve with him because maybe that is what he is doing? Maybe he is or has cheated, and it caught him off guard by your comment? Something is really off though, you don't just say you can't trust someone and want a divorce from someone over a comment from a year ago.


I don't think he's ever cheated. I completely trust him. I honestly don't know what else is going on with him. He is the type of person who reads into everything and analyzes everything. He's very much into psychology and why people play games. I just don't understand why I'm being punished for a hypothetical comment.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

I would like to add one more thing. He's inbetween jobs right now and very, very stressed. I work full-time and also have a part-time job. Do you think it's because he's just at home thinking about this over and over? I keep busy and I don't overanalyze every little thing he says. I don't know.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

BRB said:


> Yes, it was in conversation. I think we were watching one of those talk shows about infidelity and I told him that if he ever cheated I would forgive him. Of course, it's all hypothetical.
> 
> What you said is EXACTLY what he's thinking? He keeps saying either I've done something or I want to do something. I didn't do anything nor do I want to.
> 
> ...


Sounds like there is more to the story on his part that he isn't willing to share. 

Things between you both were ok before your comment? I just don't by the whole he doesn't trust you and wants a divorce over the comment thing. If he has no trust, which he has point blank told you, even though you have tried to reassure him you haven't done anything, then maybe its time to move on. 

Call his bluff, next time he tells you he wants a divorce, say ok. Tell him no matter what you do or say, obviously he doesn't believe you, trust you, and that you are tired of living like this.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

BRB said:


> I would like to add one more thing. He's inbetween jobs right now and very, very stressed. I work full-time and also have a part-time job. Do you think it's because he's just at home thinking about this over and over? I keep busy and I don't overanalyze every little thing he says. I don't know.


Its possible. Personally, someone who over analyzes everything would get on my last nerve. Life is to short to be worried about this and that. Or what may or may not happen or has happened. 

What exactly does he do all day long if he is not working right now? Perhaps whatever is taking up his time during the day while you're at work, is where his I want a divorce and I don't trust you feeling, is really coming from?


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Yes, things were fine between us before my comment.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

He's looking for a job. He studies for his CISSP exam. He also keeps saying he's burned out and tired.

Life it too short for this and I'm drained.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Are you the man? Then yes. By definition.


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