# First post. Husband has zero sex drive, always has



## Lowestbar (Sep 22, 2014)

Ive never posted about this. Ive been married to the same man for over twenty years. We never fight, we are best friends, no other marriage issues. Hes not gay or cheating. Id be happier if he was, but believe me, hes not. Since day one hes always been kind of uninterested in sex. At first it was twice a week, then once. Then it grew worse and worse. Our longest stretch was four years. I left at that four year anniversary. He was totally shocked and hurt because nothing else is wrong. He begged, i came back. I came back to two incredible weeks. Since then, its slowly going back. Hes full. Hes tired. Its too light. He needs to shower. He has talked to his doctor, nothing. I know he loves me but as lovers we are two huge worlds apart. Gigantic breadths of space. He tries to make me believe he wants to but just not tonight, all the time. Ive plainly and romantically talked to him over and over. Ive offered every position, scenerio, setting, time, place. Ive even said id do anything...short of another man with us. Anything. Please advise me. Also, has anyone had a similar problem?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Lowestbar said:


> Ive never posted about this. Ive been married to the same man for over twenty years. We never fight, we are best friends, no other marriage issues. Hes not gay or cheating. Id be happier if he was, but believe me, hes not. Since day one hes always been kind of uninterested in sex. At first it was twice a week, then once. Then it grew worse and worse. Our longest stretch was four years. I left at that four year anniversary. He was totally shocked and hurt because nothing else is wrong. He begged, i came back. I came back to two incredible weeks. Since then, its slowly going back. Hes full. Hes tired. Its too light. He needs to shower. He has talked to his doctor, nothing. I know he loves me but as lovers we are two huge worlds apart. Gigantic breadths of space. He tries to make me believe he wants to but just not tonight, all the time. Ive plainly and romantically talked to him over and over. Ive offered every position, scenerio, setting, time, place. Ive even said id do anything...short of another man with us. Anything. Please advise me. Also, has anyone had a similar problem?



You sound like me, we are both what's called High sex Drive HD.

My wifee and your hubbs are both Low sex Drive LD.

What helped for my wifee and I, is taking the 5 love languages quiz separately and then showing each other the results. We really talked about it and posted the results on the fridge as a daily reminder.

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®


Is your hubbs insecure to being overweight? You are fit and he is uneasy being sexual with you?

Once my wifee lost a lot of weight, new clothes, hairstyle, braces, she felt much better about herself and the sex went from 1 - 2x month to 1 - 3x week. She is still loosing weight and getting fitter and fitter.

If he has low T "testosterone" the family Doctor can give him regular injections and that will make a huge difference. A guy at the shop, married, 40's, two kids, same thing and after getting the shots, now works out and sex all the time and his wifee is very happy.

If its not Low T, then maybe secretly viewing porn and relieving himself? If he is, he won't let you know.

Is he super stressed out from work? Long hours?


Seeing a co worker? It happens and TAM has lots of that. The hubbs or wifee never suspected and then one day found out and WOW.

Is money an issue?

Most men have high sex drives and want sex with their ladies most of time. A man with a low sex drive and could go years.......red flag!!!


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

Lowestbar said:


> Also, has anyone had a similar problem?



I'm sorry to say but yes my husband is the same. We have been married 12 years. Sex is not something he thinks about, at all !!!

For the past 8 months I haven't even asked for sex, he can barely get a erection and if he does there is nothing in it for me.

I'm no help but you are not alone.

.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lowestbar said:


> Ive never posted about this. Ive been married to the same man for over *twenty years.* We never fight, we are best friends, no other marriage issues. Hes not gay or cheating. Id be happier if he was, but believe me, hes not.* Since day one* hes always been kind of uninterested in sex. At first it was twice a week, then once. Then it grew worse and worse. Our longest stretch was four years. I left at that four year anniversary. He was totally shocked and hurt because nothing else is wrong. He begged, i came back. Since then, its slowly going back. Hes full.


Looks like the writing was on the wall from "day one." Twenty years later, nothing has changed. 

I think it's doubtful it will now. Just being a realist.


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## Lowestbar (Sep 22, 2014)

Many good points made. No, he's not cheating. I honestly know where he is every second. He does have e issues, probably due to age and weight gain. If i had to pick one thing id say its way more likely that its physical, not money or porn or worry. He had bloodwork done but I'm nit sure what all they tested for.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Since he's always been this way, it's probably just the way he is. You can still ask him to have his testosterone levels tested (they should be around 700 or more to create sexual interest), in case he's always been low.

However, don't expect any changes. Age and weight gain do make things worse, but perhaps if he loses weight and starts weight training, he may improve any ED issues and testosterone levels.

Most likely, nothing will change, and will continue to get worse. You left once because of this, so if he doesn't get tested or implement any of the changes that could improve things, you may want to leave permanently. My ex couldn't or wouldn't change, and her low libido was a significant part of why I divorced her. I was too young to waste the rest of my life in a sexless relationship, and you may feel the same.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My drive is much higher than hubby's, and at one point it was a big issue in our marriage - our only issue, but a big one unfortunately.

We wasted thousands of $ on counsellors, books etc. The fact is that he's just LD and doesn't think about sex that much. This issue was all the more frustrating, because he's sooooooo good in bed, such an attentive, giving lover - he literally leaves me breathless. Sometimes, he'll surprise me and does it more often now but that was after lots of tears and heartache.

What finally shocked him into action was me telling him while sobbing my heart out, that I was going to make an appointment with the doctor to get put on anti depressants - for the sole purpose of suppressing my sex drive. He was shocked and heartbroken, and it took that for him to finally realise the toll it was taking on me and how serious the problem was. I just couldn't take the rejection anymore.

We've both done a lot of compromising and reached a happy medium now, but it took a lot of work, a lot of tears and a heck of a lot of love to get here.

No amount of counselling, testosterone testing, reading books or talking will fix this honey, if he's LD he's LD and that's that.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

The fact that he could go 4 years without sex and be surprised when you left over it...

That is very LD. It seems for those of us with LD spouses the best case scenario is that they will hear our pleas and adjust the sex up out of love, but it won't likely ever be out of desire. And that's the whole problem right there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok.. this will be very un helpful.. you are all in the category of a Biblical JOB to me.. I'd want to kill my spouse & bury them in the backyard even on 4 months of no sex.. the patience.. the tolerance astounds me here.. 

Frusdil... I didn't realize it got to this point with your husband..never read that before in your story.. you too, had an awful lot of patience with him...I find it so sad...when I read of a spouse sacrificing this beautiful gift...resorting to depression drugs to suppress their sex drive... 

My 1st question is.. and surprised this has not been asked.. Lowestbar...does your husband MASTURBATE...any porn ??? I have seen stories here where a spouse was blindsided to learn after years of sexlessness that the other was taking matters into their own hands..on a regular basis ... the betrayal left them reeling... 

Let him read this.. if this does not move someone.. how can you stay.. 

This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like - And yet - 




> This post is not about virtue. It is not an ask for sympathy. It attempts to explore what I've learned about sex and sexuality since sex ended within my long-term relationship. I won't say much about why, because half of it is not my story to tell and I have no right. Just know that because of illness and after sharing a normal, monogamous, sexually active relationship for nearly a decade, my spouse suddenly lost the need, desire, and passion for sex.
> 
> When sex disappears like that, you don't necessarily know it at the time. There's no announcement. No resetting of hormones for each of you. No discussion that starts with, "I'm thinking I'll never want to have sex again. Are you ok with this?" It's just gone. One day, perhaps months or years later, you realize that the last time you had sex together was the last time you’d ever have sex together.
> 
> ...


But honestly...after 20 yrs.. I don't see it.. a person is so set in their ways by now...if he has never Felt it.. maybe he is Asexual ...he's not going to get it now.. when men's Test levels are ever decreasing as they age...

How to Understand Asexual People: 8 Steps (with Pictures)


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes and odds are he will not change. You have two choices. accept the situation and stay for the other parts of your marriage that you love or leave. He should get tested for his testosterone count. If he has ED problems then he is probably avoiding sex because his is embarrassed and frustrated. That's my husbands situation. 

I know its frustrating for you and it probably affects your self esteem because he doesn't want you in that way. I have to keep saying to myself that it isn't me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Happilymarried25 said:


> If he has ED problems then he is probably avoiding sex because his is embarrassed and frustrated. That's my husbands situation.


How often do you guys have sex? Does he take anything? Has he always had it?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

4 years without sex is way way beyond LD. I'm blown away when I hear stories like this. 

How does a person let 4 years go by without having sex? Then after that length of time what would trigger them to have sex?

I equate someone saying their marriage is great...except they don't have sex to someone saying my car works great except the engine doesn't work. It's great that you can sit in your car listen to the radio...turn on the wipers...turn on the defrost..honk the horn etc...but is it really a car if you can't drive it anywhere?

OP after twenty years I think you either accept what you have...or don't. I can't imagine he will change in any meaningful way at this point.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

This is sad. Even when my marriage was sexless my wife ocationally needed sex. I get LD people but I don't get ND people. 

I'm also courious about the rising number of ladies complaining about sexless marriages. Is this new, or have they just recently started complaining
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> This is sad. Even when my marriage was sexless my wife ocationally needed sex. I get LD people but I don't get ND people.
> 
> I'm also courious about the rising number of ladies complaining about sexless marriages. Is this new, or have they just recently started complaining
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have had friends going back 20 years with these complaints, and I was even aware of a couple of adult women with this complaint when I was a young girl. But women quietly discussed it only with their closest confidante (f they discussed it at all). The fact is that there is a huge stigma about this, and "men are supposed to be more sexual than women", so if you are with a man who isn't very sexual, it is very difficult to find people who are even willing to talk about it. You will hear every single time, "he must be gay". So as a woman you just shut down and stop asking, because the message you get is that you must be married to a gay man, and this is so hurtful and unhelpful you hesitate to ever ask anyone again.

But lately things are becoming more open, people are understanding that all men are not highly sexual and that some women are very sexual in comparison to them. So it is becoming a little easier for women to talk about this openly. Of course, the first answer they get is still always "he must be gay" but thankfully the women around here have tough skin and blow past that answer to talk about what the real problems are.

Sadly, just like with LD women, there is typically no solution, and an LD man is unlikely to change.

But the fact that women can even talk about it is a step forward.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

You've already left him once. I'd tell him it's a sure thing to happen again unless the two of you can work something out. Unless he would rather you leave again or have an affair. 

Since you say he always has excuses and turns you down. How about flat out scheduling sex. We will have sex once a week on Saturday evening (or what ever will work and can be agreed on). No it. Its not spontaneous, but if her agrees to it, he will know it going to happen and can't put up the lame excuses. 

I'm currently reading The Celabration of Sex, it highly recommends we exulting sex as a way to deal with a LD spouse. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> This is sad. Even when my marriage was sexless my wife ocationally needed sex. I get LD people but I don't get ND people.
> 
> I'm also courious about the rising number of ladies complaining about sexless marriages. Is this new, or have they just recently started complaining
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ray - it['s excruciatingly embarrassing for a woman to admit to herself, let alone anybody else that her husband does not want sex with her. We hear so much about husbands consistently chasing their reluctant wives for sex that it's become part of the psyche. Hearing most other women complain about how insatiable their husbands are is the norm for us and when we're faced with a husband who just doesn't want sex with us, it's the ultimate insult to our womanhood. We feel unloved, undesirable, unsexy and unattractive - this is despite seeing on other mens' faces that they find us attractive - what good is that? I must admit, I'm at a total loss as to what to do about this and how we can go forward with our marriage. The effect it has is that you suck it up, lose your confidence and have to develop a relationship with your spouse that is totally platonic. It's no use flirting with a man that you know doesn't want you - you're just setting yourself up for rejection and more heartache.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

:iagree:

I think women with LD husband's are more common then you think.

They are embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it. 

After a few of us started commenting on TAM, I feel like there has been a whole wave of women that are sharing similar stories. When I first posted I felt alone, and was one of the very few women with the problem. Now I see, there are many many women just like me.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

doobie said:


> Ray - it['s excruciatingly embarrassing for a woman to admit to herself, let alone anybody else that her husband does not want sex with her. We hear so much about husbands consistently chasing their reluctant wives for sex that it's become part of the psyche. Hearing most other women complain about how insatiable their husbands are is the norm for us and when we're faced with a husband who just doesn't want sex with us, it's the ultimate insult to our womanhood. We feel unloved, undesirable, unsexy and unattractive - this is despite seeing on other mens' faces that they find us attractive - what good is that? I must admit, I'm at a total loss as to what to do about this and how we can go forward with our marriage. The effect it has is that you suck it up, lose your confidence and have to develop a relationship with your spouse that is totally platonic. It's no use flirting with a man that you know doesn't want you - you're just setting yourself up for rejection and more heartache.


I guess that the difference is that the women are suffering in silence as opposed to us men who will tell the whole world about our fridged wife. 

And though this didn't used to be my position, I now believe that if the LD spouse is unwilling to make concessions and it's important enough to the HD spouse, divorce is not unreasonable. 

I really have nothing to say and cannot even relate to a man like that. Even when my own marriage was sexless, sex dominated my thoughts and was in everything I saw. Probably due to my wife inaccessibility to me. Now that we have rebuilt our marriage and have sex 3-4 times a week I dont think about it quite as much. I heard once that a man thinks about sex 37 times a day. That probably about right for me. Maybe more when I'm on the road overnight.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have had friends going back 20 years with these complaints, and I was even aware of a couple of adult women with this complaint when I was a young girl. But women quietly discussed it only with their closest confidante (f they discussed it at all). The fact is that there is a huge stigma about this, and "men are supposed to be more sexual than women", so if you are with a man who isn't very sexual, it is very difficult to find people who are even willing to talk about it. You will hear every single time, "he must be gay". So as a woman you just shut down and stop asking, because the message you get is that you must be married to a gay man, and this is so hurtful and unhelpful you hesitate to ever ask anyone again.
> 
> But lately things are becoming more open, people are understanding that all men are not highly sexual and that some women are very sexual in comparison to them. So it is becoming a little easier for women to talk about this openly. Of course, the first answer they get is still always "he must be gay" but thankfully the women around here have tough skin and blow past that answer to talk about what the real problems are.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup:


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

TheCuriousWife said:


> :smthumbup:


I can't even talk to my best friend about this and if I told my mother we don't have sex, she would immediately insist he is having an affair. At least if he were having an affair, I would have something to compete with. But this mockery of a marriage is hard to compete with. It's just a matter of shut up and put up with it. Finding this forum was a godsend for me as I was feeling totally isolated in my marriage, with nobody to talk to about the problem. My husband doesn't even see it as a problem apart from the rare occasions when I bring it up (and explode) - then it's a problem until he talks me down from that and then we go back to our normal, barren life. Our dog shows more sexual interest in me than my husband does. The last time my husband talked about sex was back in January when we visited a zoo! He's always had a fantasy of having sex in an aquarium and that night he said that he felt quite turned on when we visited the aquarium (I was aware of his fantasy, but it was much too crowded and we were in a family group of about 10). He mentioned that night that he'd felt turned on in the aquarium - however, it didn't last long enough for us to have sex when we were again in private and it was another 5 weeks after that that we did have sex.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Me too Doobie. My best friend knows about it because she is in a similar issue. But she is across the world, and has no access to phones. So communication is limited. No one else in my life knows, including my family. I would be too embarrassed to share, along with the fact that I would not want to embarrass my husband. 

Before this forum I did suffer in silence. And it was worse.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

doobie said:


> He's always had a fantasy of having sex in an aquarium and that night he said that he felt quite turned on when we visited the aquarium (I was aware of his fantasy, but it was much too crowded and we were in a family group of about 10).


Assuming you haven't done so already, if I were you I'd be out shopping for a fishtank. And maybe a new motif for the bedroom.

Worth a shot?


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I kept fish for years in a little tank and they bred like mad  . Great suggestion, but I think we're way past that. I also know that he likes erotic outfits etc so on his birthday last year, we had a great night out and when we got home I popped into the bathroom and came out wearing a fishnet bodystocking. His eyes lit up when he saw it, but by the time I'd crawled up him from the end of the bed, he was asleep.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Was he really asleep or pretending to be?


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Was he really asleep or pretending to be?


Really asleep. Snoring.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Lowestbar said:


> Hes not gay or cheating. Id be happier if he was, but believe me, hes not.


Most betrayed spouses say the same thing. It's quite rare when they're not completely blindsided by a cheating spouse who they thought would never do exactly that.

Why would you be happier if he was gay or cheating?



Lowestbar said:


> Since day one hes always been kind of uninterested in sex.


Well, you knew what you signed up for. Did you think it was going to get better?


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have had friends going back 20 years with these complaints, and I was even aware of a couple of adult women with this complaint when I was a young girl. But women quietly discussed it only with their closest confidante (f they discussed it at all). The fact is that there is a huge stigma about this, and "men are supposed to be more sexual than women", so if you are with a man who isn't very sexual, it is very difficult to find people who are even willing to talk about it. You will hear every single time, "he must be gay". So as a woman you just shut down and stop asking, because the message you get is that you must be married to a gay man, and this is so hurtful and unhelpful you hesitate to ever ask anyone again.
> 
> But lately things are becoming more open, people are understanding that all men are not highly sexual and that some women are very sexual in comparison to them. So it is becoming a little easier for women to talk about this openly. Of course, the first answer they get is still always "he must be gay" but thankfully the women around here have tough skin and blow past that answer to talk about what the real problems are.
> 
> ...



He's gay.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

doobie said:


> Really asleep. Snoring.


It doesn't make sense. He appeared to be turned on by your outfit yet was asleep before you could make it from the bathroom to the bed. I don't know how someone could fall asleep in that situation unless they really weren't interested in the first place.

It seems to me it's almost as though he's afraid of sex so keeps putting it out of reach.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

MaritimeGuy said:


> It doesn't make sense. He appeared to be turned on by your outfit yet was asleep before you could make it from the bathroom to the bed. I don't know how someone could fall asleep in that situation unless they really weren't interested in the first place.
> 
> It seems to me it's almost as though he's afraid of sex so keeps putting it out of reach.


I don't think he's afraid of it - when we first got together he made a point of letting me know that he'd had loads of sex in the past and that it had been a really important aspect of his first marriage. He also made a point of saying that we would be developing a really interesting and fulfilling sex life for the two of us. Since we got married, we've barely had sex at all.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

doobie said:


> I don't think he's afraid of it - when we first got together he made a point of letting me know that he'd had loads of sex in the past and that it had been a really important aspect of his first marriage. He also made a point of saying that we would be developing a really interesting and fulfilling sex life for the two of us. Since we got married, we've barely had sex at all.


Sounds like a bait and switch. How long have you been married?

Since my wife and I got our marriage back on track we have both worked hard to be intentional about our sex life. Making sure things don't get in the way of us having sex can sometimes be a challenge. If my wife stays up too late she gets too tired for sex. So nights when we want sex we make sure we are in bed before nine. Recently her doctor was going to put her on a medication that had a side effect of reduced sex drive. She told the doctor to find something else, she wasn't takingng it. I've also made changes to lower my blood pressure as I was close to going on high blood pressure medication which is notorious for messing with sex drive. We've learned that keeping a sex life alive takes work. We are both all in on doing that work

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

My husband is on meds to lower blood pressure and I think the meds are playing quite a big part in his lack of libido. If you've read some of my other comments here, I've also said that he did quite a bit of ecstasy when he was younger and he reckons that leaves you with no ability to feel the effects of the feelgood chemicals that are released as a result of having sex. He seems to think he's past it at 55 because he didn't look after himself in his youth and that there is nothing he can do about this. I've tried to get him doing simple exercise like walking, but he's quite resistant to it - he won't even walk the dog daily. Every time I point out that we should get rid of the dog as it's unfair, he promises to walk it daily from now on and then doesn't. I don't nag him to - he's a grownup and I hate to hear myself nagging - I'm not very good at it and will even give up half way through a sentence, thinking - I can't stand listening to myself moaning like this  . Because he has no sex drive he just doesn't seem to see this as a problem. The only time this impinges on him and his day to day existence is when I periodically reach the end of my patience and we have a "talk" about our sex life - with the same result as the dog walking talk. He takes it all on board, promises to do better in future and lays out his plan to do so and then because I've backed off and accepted this, things just stay the same. 

I don't want our marriage to be a constant fight with me nagging him to come up to scratch all the time. I want us to be two adults who love and respect each other, enjoying each other's bodies as well as personalities. How can I be a nice wife (or a nice woman, for that matter), if I'm constantly nagging. I didn't have to constantly nag my kids - I hate that sort of parenting and I don't want to start now.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I still think that negotiating scheduling sex is worth a shot. If the marriage and making you happy is important to him, I would think he'd do it. It's what my wife and I did as we were working to put our marriage back together. Even though we were not at a point where the romance was there that would naturally lead to sex, we knew building a sex life was going to be a part of bringing us back together. We had sex on Sunday and Thursday's weather we wanted to or not. It helped us become closer faster than we would have just letting sex happen on its own. In fact, we both had so much resentment. It would have been quite a while before we had come back together sexually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I still think that negotiating scheduling sex is worth a shot. If the marriage and making you happy is important to him, I would think he'd do it. It's what my wife and I did as we were working to put our marriage back together. Even though we were not at a point where the romance was there that would naturally lead to sex, we knew building a sex life was going to be a part of bringing us back together. We had sex on Sunday and Thursday's weather we wanted to or not. It helped us become closer faster than we would have just letting sex happen on its own. In fact, we both had so much resentment. It would have been quite a while before we had come back together sexually.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you Ray for your suggestion. I do think that next time we get round to having the "talk", I will point out that all his best intentions so far have not been working and suggest that we schedule sex. Tbh, I think the exercise alone would do him good as it will be the most active thing he does. I also think that the sex three times a week suggstion that I've seen elsewhere on TAM would be worth taking into account - apparently, it lowers the risk of a heart attack by 50% which would benefit both of us. I know I can't carry on like this indefinitely and I'm horrified to think that my marriage is failing so fast and so soon. My husband seems perfectly happy with the marriage, saying he's happier than he's ever been in his life, but I've become really miserable.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

doobie said:


> Thank you Ray for your suggestion. I do think that next time we get round to having the "talk", I will point out that all his best intentions so far have not been working and suggest that we schedule sex. Tbh, I think the exercise alone would do him good as it will be the most active thing he does. I also think that the sex three times a week suggstion that I've seen elsewhere on TAM would be worth taking into account - apparently, it lowers the risk of a heart attack by 50% which would benefit both of us. I know I can't carry on like this indefinitely and I'm horrified to think that my marriage is failing so fast and so soon. My husband seems perfectly happy with the marriage, saying he's happier than he's ever been in his life, but I've become really miserable.


Seeking as he is happy as a clam with sex no times a week. Asking for three times a week is probably a bit much. When our marriage was sexless, if I could have gotten a promise of quality sex once a week, I would have been in Heaven. Yiu also don't want to force him to agree to too much and have him back out later. But scheduling sex did work for us early on very well. And to. Certain extent we still do it. I'm a trucker and gone a few nights a week, it's kinda understood that we will have sex the night before I leave as it puts us both in A better mood while I'm gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

doobie said:


> I don't think he's afraid of it - when we first got together he made a point of letting me know that he'd had loads of sex in the past and that it had been a really important aspect of his first marriage. He also made a point of saying that we would be developing a really interesting and fulfilling sex life for the two of us. Since we got married, we've barely had sex at all.


When I say afraid I mean from the point of view he's afraid it won't be a positive experience...whether it's performance anxiety or something deeper. It's like when we have to get up for work in the morning. If we love our job it's no problem. When we hate it we feel like we're exhausted and keep hitting the snooze button.


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