# Sudden Doubts



## AlwaysThinkingMaybe (Jan 31, 2011)

H and I have been talking D for weeks, I have been resolved in my decision that we need to separate, I've talked to a lawyer, I have a new home that I'm supposed to put an offer on today.

We've fought, we've talked like adults, we've made agreements on tough things. We've both started seeing ICs.

During all those conversations, I never once waivered that I am looking out for myself, my well being, my happiness now and in the future. That separating is a must.

He has acted like I never once gave him any indication in our entire relationship years that I was ever unhappy (A very strong indication how poorly we've communicated over the years, how little we ever heard each other).

He's made some changes to prove to me that things could be better, but none of those things ever made it through to touch my heart. And seem so very fleeting, since when I don't suddenly want to reconcile, the bitterness and negativity returns.

Not once have I thought, am I doing the right thing? Not once have I thought, I love this man and I am willing to go through hell and fire emotionally to fix our relationship. All I've ever thought was, I'm so tired and full of resentment, I've had enough. I don't want this anymore.

Until last night. As I laid in bed thinking about the offer I'm about to place on the new house, I froze.

Now its morning, and I'm still doubting. Did I really try everything I could? Do I have any more in me to give to this relationship?

I've spent months thinking about the day I would be on my own and out from a relationship where I felt controlled and manipulated, undervalued and stifled. I've felt fear over dealing with the separation and not knowing whether H would work with me civily or be vindictive. 

Today I take my first step towards that, and I'm questioning myself. Why now? Is it just fear of the unknown?


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Might be fear of the unknown. Or maybe you realize you did not try everything you could have in the relationship. 

You have to really examine your feelings. Trust your gut, its usually right.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Only you know if you have tried everything.
Ask yourself this: Is there still love for this man? Are you still in love with him?
If you are, then maybe there is hope.
No doubt you need to make yourself happy, I agree with that. But if your H is working on himself and is wanting to work on you as a couple, do you love him enough to give it another shot?

Only you can answer that question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Always,

Besides agreeing with what has been said already, I just want to say I wish you the best.

As a husband whose wife presents similar to you, I know trying to overcome the emotional detachment that comes during the separation / divorce is incredibly challenging. If you have doubts about this being what you want, take a step back and examine your feelings closely.


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> But if your H is working on himself and is wanting to work on you as a couple, do you love him enough to give it another shot?
> 
> Only you can answer that question.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your husband has finally gotten the wake up call and is willing to make tough changes to save his marriage. The years of poor communication is over and he is listening attentively. For some men, they will remain in a bearable situation until reality hits and there is no doubt they are about to lose the love of their life. Then they become committed for the first time to get off their a** and get to work on saving their marriage.

Your husband is in IC and it sounds like he is willing to make the changes to save his marriage. It looks like the ball is in your court now. If you feel that the love is dead and there is no hope or ressurection, then its time to go, despite all his recently found efforts; too little too late.

However, if you feel there is some love left somewhere, no matter how small, then you should give him a chance to prove he will do what it take to allow you to find the happiness you are looking for, and rightfully deserve.

I am in this very situation and this is how I feel. I have tried and tried for a year with no success. She lost her feelings for me and refuses to give me another chance. She says once the feeling is gone it is gone forever. I dont know if its true or not. It probably doesn't matter. What matters is what she thinks, and she think the feeling will never return so there is no point continuing with the marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

troy said:


> What matters is what she thinks, and she think the feeling will never return so there is no point continuing with the marriage.


Yep


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