# Need Help!!



## kevsand718 (Jun 3, 2010)

Hello fellow members. I am looking to see if anyone can share some advice about my issues at hand. I have a lot of them and can explain in more detail of needed but here is my biggest right now. 

My wife says she has a low or no sex drive. We have been together for 14 years and have 4 children. Before we were married we of course had sex. After 4 kids it has dropped to maybe 1-2 times a month. Just recently she came out and told me she has a low or no sex drive and she was only having sex for me because that's what i wanted. she wouldn't need it for who knows how long otherwise she said. She never has the desire or anything. So I am on the fence if I am okay with her just having sex with me because she knows i want it. Now that I know this I find it hard to even want to have sex with her because I know she is not really in the mood. I can work her into the mood most of the time during but beforehand nothing. It's like a mood killer to know that she is really not interested and would only be doing it to satisfy me. 

The other part that is giving me trouble is a few months ago I found out she was cheating on me. The relationship lasted 2 months and they only saw each other 1 day a week. However on that 1 day a week they had sex. She said it was only because she felt she owed it to him since he was there for her emotionally. She said she didn't get anything out of the sex. It was more for him. However the thrill of it all was exciting to her and she was aroused but sex doesn't get her off. I am upset that I cannot get her to this aroused state anymore. Believe me i have tried everything and now to be told she has no drive has me losing my mind about all of this. 

I love my wife dearly and do many things for her. We have 4 wonderful children and I could never think to leave her even though she cheated. How can I cope with all of this? 

Anybody help me?


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Your wife needs to get help for her low to no sex drive, if it is indeed a personal problem. 

As she had an affair, I believe she probably has a low/or no sex drive due to other issues between the two of you.

Is she now willing to recover from this affair with you and become a better wife?

What about you? Are you willing to look at what she was lacking in your marriage that drove her to the affair? Are you ready to do your part in recovering from the affair, fully?

I would suggest couple's counseling in order to get to the bottom of the low to no sex drive, and begin recovery from the affair.


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## kevsand718 (Jun 3, 2010)

Happyher, thanks for your response. 

My wife is stating she has a low / no sex drive. She never went to her physician to verify this. 

The affair she said was emotional. I was very busy with work. I was home with her but busy in another room and she felt she could not confront me about how lonely she was feeling. So she found someone that was there to talk to her and she liked that. What get's me is how she could say because he was there for her emotionally that she was there for him physically. Yet she has no drive. She got aroused excited though. ??????

We are currently in counseling and I have put an end to all the extra work i was doing entirely. My main focus is spending time with her. She said she is not a good communicator so she is trying to work on that. We are both putting in to make it work it's just this hurdle now. I wish I could lose my libido so we could just have non sexual intimate times cause she enjoys those times. She also suggested looking into herbal remedies, creams, porn, etc to help her get more in the mood. However All of these things just make me feel less attractive, hurt that I cannot excite her without the aid of these things.


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