# Seeing a marriage couselor, very nervous



## The Sensational (Jul 25, 2009)

So it's been 9 months since my wife cheated on me. I have tried to get over it in my own way, and the anger and resentment have gone away, what is left is the details that keep replaying in my head. This gets me feeling depressed and worthless, like I was the wrong choice for my wife and am making her life boring. She has done her end of the bargain. She makes me feel loved and has cut off all ties with people involved in her wreckless past life.

What I'm scared is that the couselor will end up making me feel stupid and pointing out how it's my fault and all that and start to make me feel dumb. That is why I don't feel like I will be able to talk to him. The only person who Ive talked to and knows about the affair is my wife. My wife told a couple people what she did, and they were dissapointed, which helps, but im just scared of not being able to stop getting depressed.

Do couselor stay mutual or do they tend to side? I've heard stories of them siding with one side? Also has the couseling helped? If so, how?

Our marriage has been stronger than ever since the divorce, our connection between the two is greater, her realizing the mistake she made, she has really grasped on to how much she loves me. I just want to seek help for myself before it is too late and I end up pushing her away and getting her annoyed.

I'm just hoping this helps, it's like my last option.


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## Carrie (Sep 24, 2009)

Hi My husband and me have seen a counsellor and I was the same as you very nervous as my husband had been to see this counsellor first without me but it was fine.

Our first visit she spoke to me on my own and there after she talked to us both and gave each of us a turn to speak and say what was on our minds, they have a way of just letting each of you express emotions and asks questions or advise but when it comes down to it they cannot make any decision for you both but talking its helped us and having someone help to explain and clarify better, and dont worry the counsellor is there to support both of you not to take sides.

Hope you have good results Take care Carrie


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

The marriage therapist is there to help look at how the two of you interact together and make the marriage work well. They would never make you feel stupid or assign blame. That's why we have mothers, lol (kidding). The therapist might suggest that you go for individual counselling as well and I highly recommend it. I am still coping with depression, anxiety and a PTSD-like syndrome from discovering my husband's affair over a year ago, I didn't think I needed therapy because I seemed to be functioning but I was just so numb that I didn't thaw for six months. 

I always get nervous for therapy, but I'm always happy for the experience afterwards. Good luck!
H


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## ShuffleUp (Jun 5, 2009)

It is impossible to say because any person could say anything to you. But I think most of what I have heard, as well as my own experience with a MC, is that they don't blame the betrayed spouse for the affair, although be ready to hear things that you need to work on to improve the relationship. These are two differen things. Our counselor gave us both ideas about how to improve our marriage, but she said that no matter what, I couldn't feel any blame whatsoever for the poor choices my wife made (to have an affair) no matter if I was neglecting her or not. She held my wife accountable for her own decision making. But she held me accountable for learning new skills to help the relationship recover.

Don't be nervous. If someone ever blames you for something that was another person's poor choice, whether in this situaion or another, find someone else to talk to.


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