# Archived



## ISeekSolace (Apr 14, 2021)

deleted.


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## Hope4us55123 (Jun 1, 2021)

ISeekSolace said:


> I am an Indian and I consider divorce. We have got 2 kids and would want to get shared custody. I work in US. I think about considering interracial relationship after divorce. I have no idea where I would find/meet a native women here and get acquainted and to take it to the next level - relationship and marry then.
> 
> I got a big baggage of not-so +ve things - 2 kids, would be a divorcee, non American, and work in IT industry. I got a decent job and I would be interested in a woman, who loves what she does. I am not sure how I could approach a woman that I like - say a woman works in a Starbucks (Is it weird?) or elsewhere. I live in CA.
> 
> I know this is a strange post and I would answer if you have any questions that could help me or should I give up this idea itself as it could be impossible for me being non American?



Why not put in the same level of effort into fixing your marriage and saving your family than figuring out how to finding the next person? 

I’m sure there are many circumstances where divorce is the first answer. This doesn’t seem like one of those instances.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

You need to put the horse ahead of the cart.

Maybe divorce is your best course of action, maybe it’s not. 
Either way, you need to figure out your marital situation, figure out yourself (i.e. continually improving yourself as a man and putting yourself in the best position whether you stay in your marriage or end it. 
And ending a marriage (with children involved) can sometimes be the best course of action, but should never be taken lightly.

Go figure all that out and actually choose a course of action before you worry about the dynamics of a hypothetical next relationship.


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## ISeekSolace (Apr 14, 2021)

Hope4us55123 said:


> Why not put in the same level of effort into fixing your marriage and saving your family than figuring out how to finding the next person?
> 
> I’m sure there are many circumstances where divorce is the first answer. This doesn’t seem like one of those instances.


I don't want to fix my marriage anymore as I have moved on from that stage already.


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## ISeekSolace (Apr 14, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> You need to put the horse ahead of the cart.
> 
> Maybe divorce is your best course of action, maybe it’s not.
> Either way, you need to figure out your marital situation, figure out yourself (i.e. continually improving yourself as a man and putting yourself in the best position whether you stay in your marriage or end it.
> ...


Of course, I should figure out how I can end my current marriage keeping my kids in mind. I await for my wife to get a job to open up the discussion about the separation. So I was just contemplating if anyone would accept me with 2 kids or should I remain single for the kids.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ISeekSolace said:


> Of course, I should figure out how I can end my current marriage keeping my kids in mind. I await for my wife to get a job to open up the discussion about the separation. So I was just contemplating if anyone would accept me with 2 kids or should I remain single for the kids.


So your wife doesn't even know you are wanting a divorce? Why can't you work on the marriage?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Marry a human. It never works with lizards.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ISeekSolace said:


> Of course, I should figure out how I can end my current marriage keeping my kids in mind. I await for my wife to get a job to open up the discussion about the separation. So I was just contemplating if anyone would accept me with 2 kids or should I remain single for the kids.


Stay married. Your odds of getting someone else to marry you aren't good in this barbarian's opinion.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

We've put men on the moon so anything is technically possible. 

But you need to keep in mind that the concept of marriage and what it means can be very influenced by culture. Your idea of marriage and relationships etc may be very different from what a single American woman in SoCal thinks is marriage. 

Your expectations of what marriage is and the roles of men and women may be very different that what her expectations are.


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## ISeekSolace (Apr 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> So your wife doesn't even know you are wanting a divorce? Why can't you work on the marriage?


She just bursts out in anger, when I just even give a hint about it, shouts, leaves the kids with me and gets out of the home. I have not clearly told her that lets proceed for a divorce but she knows implicitly, I guess.

I am waiting for her to agree to come for counseling so we can at least talk out loud and admit our mistakes in front of someone else. I want to go try counseling so as to maintain a calm environment for the kids regardless of the on going issues in our marriage. I would try discussing the idea of separation with her later then.


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