# Mess in the family



## Marianna12 (Apr 8, 2013)

Hello everyone. I need to talk about my brother's problem.We actually discussed it openly a few hours ago but I knew what's going on for a year or so...He is married 7 years and has been in this relationship 10 years.My brother is not the faithful type of husband.I know for sure that during these 10 years he had cheated his wife with 4-5 women. Nothing serious till now.I've always being opposite with what he is doing and it would not have been such a big problem if there wasn't the two kids he and his wife have.The kids are 4 and 2 years old. The last year my brother has an affair with another woman.I only know that it is the first time after many years that I see he feels deeply for a woman.All the other times were just flings. He is in a situation that he doesn't know what to do.I know that the other woman doesn't push him to divorce or anything.And it's not just her.His relationship with his wife has been lost long ago...They got married for wrong reasons at least in my opinion.I can only say this.The night before the wedding his wife asked him if he is sure about this and he said no (she has sensed that he is not in the marriage stuff with both feet). Anyway apart from that I also know that his wife pushed him for children (he always said he didn't want children before he got married). Anyway you got the picture.Tonight we had a long talk.He shared with me his worries about the kids.Both of them have an extreme bondage with him and in the case of a divorce i can't personally imagine how they gonna stop from crying because they will simply want their dad. He told me that he wants out and that he already discussed with his wife.I initially said to him that he should try to work on the relationship again and leave the other woman but his answer was that the relationship with his wife has changed and can never be as it was.I also understand that he doesn't want to leave the other woman.His wife on the other hand doesn't want a divorce.She knows about the affairs and all if she wanted out she would do it long ago.She stays in the marriage for totally emotional reasons (i assume) because she is not financially dependent from my brother.She has her own job. My brother is in a very bad shape.I said to him that he should go to a therapist and I am not a suitable person to tell him if he must get a divorce or not.Although I strongly believe that they must divorce because the kids can sense everything and the relationship is not as it should be.There are fights sometimes in front of the children and a distance between them that is very difficult to overcome. He told me that he will go to a therapist but he is afraid that everything will fall apart with the kids and that scares him. I only hope that the therapist will convince him divorce now that the kids are small because I believe the longer he stays in that situation the worse damage will be made. He is like a ticking bomb ready to explode... I 've never been to a therapist myself and I don't know what they suggest in such cases.What do you think.What should I do.Should I tell him my honest opinion that he must get separated? On the other hand I don't know how we can overcome the fact that the kids will be crying for him all the time...I feel awful.I only care about those 2 children, I love them so much.My mind says that he must leave this marriage.My heart says that he must stay....What do you think the therapist will tell him?


----------



## Ms. What-to-do? (Apr 8, 2013)

Therapist for sure. Individual and marital.


----------



## Marianna12 (Apr 8, 2013)

He started yesterday. I didn't ask him anything, but he seems so angry with everyone...and sad.


----------



## Ms. What-to-do? (Apr 8, 2013)

I don't know what the therapist will tell him. Sorry. I know from working with one myself and my husband working with one, then changing to also work with mine... that the therapist will assess him and try to guide him to do what is best for his life. Beyond that, re what specifics, no clue.


----------

