# we need Help. Today is not soon enough



## chico41 (Jan 29, 2010)

Hi there. I am 49yrs old. We have been married for almost 6 years. This is my first and my wife Karens 4th. 
I love Karen. I hate the disease. 
Karen has been struggling with depression for years. When we first got married I had no clue about the depression. I found out about 4 yrs ago. And now it makes sense. We used to argue over small things. Another thing I found out after we were married is she admitted herself the pshy ward about 10 yrs ago. She admitted herself again about 2 yrs ago. She said it was my fault. 
When we got married she sold her house and came to me. She lived about 100 miles away. 
We dated for 1 yr or so before we decided she quit her job and get one here where I live. I have a great job, with no degree. She is the one with the degree. She is a nurse. So it made sense for her to come here. She found a job right away. For me to find a job like the one I have would be almost impossible. She had no problem moving here at first. I could not understand why we would argue about everything. Now it makes sense. At first when we got married I told her that we would sell my house and get our house. I let her do almost whatever she wanted to my house to make it our house, at first she had no problem with it. . As time went on she said she wanted our house. The more I thought about, the way we fight it would not make sense to buy a different house and go further in debt. The house we live in is paid for. Yes we would have if things were great. Or should I say stable. She has been threw 3 different jobs since we have been married. She now works in a town 75miles away (Bismarck). She works 6 on and 8 off. She stayed at her sister and brother in-laws. Perfect. Not. She now wants me to move to bis. Sell the house and get one in Bis. She has made up her mind and got an apartment in Bis. She says either I come or not. We have been apart for about 1 month. No longer comes home on her days off. She came home yesterday to pack her belongings. I told her I would stay away, which I did. She packed everything up and is coming back Sat. to take it to her apartment. I came back to the house after she was gone. Wow, that was hard on me. Seeing everything packed up. And I mean everything. Taking everything but the kitchen sink. Not fair. I came the to realize it is only material things. They can be replaced. But, it stills angers me. Fair, what is that? 
I have health issues. Chrohn’s disease and a disease called Charcot Marie Tooth Disease. . A disease that affects the nerves in the hands and feet. My Doctor says within 3yrs or so I could be without a job. That means disability.
Karen has been threw a lot with me. I have been in the hospital 3 times. All three have been 1 month stays in the hospital due to my chrohn’s disease
Heck we can’t even talk. All we do is yell at each other. 
We have tried counselors to no avail. 
I am sorry if none of this makes sense, I am just hurt and lonely. I have people to talk to but they are friends and family. Of course they are going to say it is her fault. So I try not to talk to them about this. Because I am part of the problem also. I am very old fashion. (meaning I do not need change, for instance color of the walls,stuff on the walls. Little things like that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry, but if I were you I'd forget about her and go back to your family. You're going to need support from people you can count on, and you know that won't be her.


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## Bequia2010 (Jan 1, 2010)

Your're top priority should be your health. I have Crohns disease, too. I know how stress can cause a flare up. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, physically. It sounds like her moving on may be the best thing for you. You will have your home, that is paid for.


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## chico41 (Jan 29, 2010)

thanks for the replies. My family and i are very close. I have great friends also..thank god. Life does go on. Still sucks thinking this was the one.


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