# Wedding Day Cost Regrets?



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

About 10 yrs ago when I got married (been divorced 2) we spent an upwards of $38K on the wedding. Now my ex is half Italian and Half Greek and at our wedding I had 15 guests but she had 120 (YES ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY!) guests.

In retrospect given I've been divorced for a while now we should have put that money towards a house instead of waiting another few years. It also became clear that it was mostly her day and not mine.
Why do most women (and of course the finger wagging hip thrusting lip puckering effemate men :lol ignore the reality of a wedding day? It should be about two people right? Afterall the guests come eat drink dance and leave.

Does the event justify the cost? And if you paid half the cost of the wedding, if you're giving up the house during divorce shouldn't you ask for your half you put into the wedding back? Just a thought.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

1001 Things Every Teen $hould Know Before They Leave Home (Or Else They'll Come Back)

485. They should know to not spend more time on their wedding than strengthening their relationship. A lot of couplees get it wrong here. 

498. They should know that many of the longest lasting marriages have started with the smallest of weddings. 

503. They should know the number one cause of divorce is finances. 

532. They should know to not let a wedding put them in debt. One night of memories for five years of payments doesn't make sense.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My wedding was perfect. Looking back, knowing it ended in divorce, I wouldn't have done it. Hindsight is a mother.

I would never ever have a wedding again if I were to marry. No, thanks. If I ever remarry, it'd be a quick "justice of the peace" thing that costs about $30 to get the certificate signed. It's amazing how little it costs to get married legally and how much $ people spend on weddings. 

But then I doubt I'd ever want to get married again.

I saw a sign a few weeks back and had to laugh:

MARRIAGE IS GRAND. DIVORCE IS 100 GRAND.

Yeah.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sheesh, our tiny little wedding cost only a few thousand dollars...let's see, a few nights in a hotel, about 600$, dress bought on-line (incl shipping) 200$, shoes $8.75 from Macy's...flowers were gifted from the shop I used to work at, husband spent about 200$ on a new suit, hair and makeup a gift from my Mom. Dad paid for our reception, a small dinner for our 11 guests. I think the rings were the most extravagant expense, 1500$ for all 3! And it was perfect.

So this woman definitely didn't go big! And we have a house to live in, things are paid, and life (a year and a bit later) is good!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My wedding was perfect. Looking back, knowing it ended in divorce, I wouldn't have done it. Hindsight is a mother.
> 
> I would never ever have a wedding again if I were to marry. No, thanks. If I ever remarry, it'd be a quick "justice of the peace" thing that costs about $30 to get the certificate signed. It's amazing how little it costs to get married legally and how much $ people spend on weddings.
> 
> ...


AMEN to that!:iagree:


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Sheesh, our tiny little wedding cost only a few thousand dollars...let's see, a few nights in a hotel, about 600$, dress bought on-line (incl shipping) 200$, shoes $8.75 from Macy's...flowers were gifted from the shop I used to work at, husband spent about 200$ on a new suit, hair and makeup a gift from my Mom. Dad paid for our reception, a small dinner for our 11 guests. I think the rings were the most extravagant expense, 1500$ for all 3! And it was perfect.
> 
> So this woman definitely didn't go big! And we have a house to live in, things are paid, and life (a year and a bit later) is good!


Nicely done! Now if most women only saw it that way lol


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> My wedding was perfect. Looking back, knowing it ended in divorce, I wouldn't have done it. Hindsight is a mother.
> 
> I would never ever have a wedding again if I were to marry. No, thanks. If I ever remarry, it'd be a quick "justice of the peace" thing that costs about $30 to get the certificate signed. It's amazing how little it costs to get married legally and how much $ people spend on weddings.
> 
> ...


You're right, the $ people spend on weddings is ridiculous! But I do hope you'll change your mind about that someday!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

aston said:


> Nicely done! Now if most women only saw it that way lol


It's tough....look at everything out there that pressures both men and women into the BIG DAY! When I was researching my own wedding, I was floored by all the expenses I could have incurred...florist, photography, limos, cake, food...and that's just a few regular 'musts'. I saw an add for a place that releases doves once the i-dos have been said. I mean really? 

All thes reality shows about brides, Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, Brides of Hollywood...young women think they have to do all this to have a magical wedding day, and it just isn't so.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> It's tough....look at everything out there that pressures both men and women into the BIG DAY! When I was researching my own wedding, I was floored by all the expenses I could have incurred...florist, photography, limos, cake, food...and that's just a few regular 'musts'. I saw an add for a place that releases doves once the i-dos have been said. I mean really?
> 
> All thes reality shows about brides, Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, Brides of Hollywood...young women think they have to do all this to have a magical wedding day, and it just isn't so.


It's mostly driven by women, I've seen women who have been planning their wedding day since they were 12 lol. Men generally would just rather show up, say their vows and get drunk/laid LOL.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I agree with all of that! Too bad...if only such effort were put into the actual relationship as money put into the wedding...


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I agree with all of that! Too bad...if only such effort were put into the actual relationship as money put into the wedding...


Reminds me of a friend who got married and the very next day after the wedding she decided he snored too loudly and he should go on the couch or the guest room LOL. Needless to say they were divorced 3 months later.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

my wedding was all for my mother in law
I'd have been quite happy to piss off to the Caribbean and do it but oh no
No-one's putting a ring on THIS finger again


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

We're cheap. We spent $160 to get married. $150 for the officiant and $10 for the gas to drive ourselves and our three dogs to our favorite hiking spot atop a dormant volcano. We each paid half. 

After the wedding my husband gave me a family heirloom wedding ring worth about $3,000. (The diamond is HUGE - but I'm not bragging) 

I bought my husband a gold band (he chose) for $120. I would have loved to have gotten him something nicer, but he loves his ring. He didn't want anything "better" even though I could have easily afforded it at the time.

I don't understand spending huge amounts of money on weddings. I just don't. My husband and I had our own unique dream wedding day for next to nothing. One of the best days of my life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

aston said:


> About 10 yrs ago when I got married (been divorced 2) we spent an upwards of $38K on the wedding. Now my ex is half Italian and Half Greek and at our wedding I had 15 guests but she had 120 (YES ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY!) guests.
> 
> In retrospect given I've been divorced for a while now we should have put that money towards a house instead of waiting another few years. It also became clear that it was mostly her day and not mine.
> Why do most women (and of course the finger wagging hip thrusting lip puckering effemate men :lol ignore the reality of a wedding day? It should be about two people right? Afterall the guests come eat drink dance and leave.
> ...



Just because you were married before it doesn't mean your second wedding should feel less special! Every woman dreams about their wedding day. Make her feel she is the center of the universe  Believe me, she will always remember!

People from the south of Europe usually have big and close families. For these people, family comes first and foremost! It is not unusual for weddings to have 150+ people. 

I should know, because my family comes from Mediterranean area


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Memento said:


> Just because you were married before it doesn't mean your second wedding should feel less special! Every woman dreams about their wedding day. Make her feel she is the center of the universe  Believe me, she will always remember!
> 
> People from the south of Europe usually have big and close families. For these people, family comes first and foremost! It is not unusual for weddings to have 150+ people.
> 
> I should know, because my family comes from Mediterranean area


and I beg to differ because I'm from Lancashire England:lol: Ther eare many ways to make a person feel special thats not quantifiable by the amount of money spent on a/the wedding. I DID make her feel like the center of the universe but as usual it's never enough, guess my compass was off LOL


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I went to a muchos expensive wedding - jazz bands, string quartets, f*cking toastmaster the works

they split within three months

the atmosphere was totally off, the speeches were just WEIRD

I also went to one wedding where the groom's mother wore black ha ha


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

aston said:


> and I beg to differ because I'm from Lancashire England:lol: Ther eare many ways to make a person feel special thats not quantifiable by the amount of money spent on a/the wedding. I DID make her feel like the center of the universe but as usual it's never enough, guess my compass was off LOL


I am not talking about spending an absurd amount of $$. Have you both discussed what your thought are about it? 
Better use an astrolabe, next time  It's always good to be prepared with a plan b!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> You're right, the $ people spend on weddings is ridiculous! But I do hope you'll change your mind about that someday!


Eh. Fat chance. I had 1 wedding. I don't need another. 



Dollystanford said:


> I also went to one wedding where the groom's mother wore black ha ha


Now THAT is funny. 

I take it she didn't like the bride. Lol.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

ooh no she had a face like a smacked arse throughout the whole thing


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Thats so true I went to a wedding were cost and expenses were no object they made it about a year go figures I really believe that a tasteful wedding does not have to be all that expensive my mother in law did an outstanding job on our wedding for like less than 3k and it was great My advice would be to take the funds used for the wedding and use them as a downpayment on a house versus the wedding but i digress


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

We didn't have a wedding.. I feel like I missed out on something. I wouldnt have a huge circus or anything... but at least a dinner or a friggin dress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

My second marriage was the most wonderful marriage I could ever have. It didn't cost an arm and a leg. It was just wonderful. 

Thinking back, we did lots but, her mom didn't do much, neither did her daughter or her brother. Guess they didn't want her marrying me. I wasn't good enough for her.

Good thing there wasn't much cost to it. No regrets there. Just wonder how she feels now about the circle of light we saw in a couple of pics and how she claimed it was her dead father approving our union?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I went to a friend's wedding where her parents spent about $50,000. It was at a well-known vineyard, had very expensive catering, DJ, and band, and her dress was a few thousand dollars as well. 4 months after her wedding she found out that he had been fired and gambled all of his money away, severely in debt, and they got divorced. Ughh! 

My husband and I wanted a small wedding and we invited 100 guests, mostly to please my mother. We kept the wedding costs to under $8,000 and we absolutely loved our wedding day! We got married at the church that I had been going to since I was a baby and the reception was at a local golf club that had an awesome package deal. My dress was only $300 and we rented his charcoal grey tux for $70. We did a lot of do-it-yourself things that kept prices down and that also made the wedding a lot more personal. I also loved that I had so many family and friends involved with helping out with our wedding(Our videographer was a neighbor friend). I could not have asked for a more perfect day!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

No regrets here. We had a small wedding of 50 people which was mostly family and our closest friends. Hubby and I married in the morning and had a very nice luncheon. After the luncheon was done, hubby and I took off up north for a very short honeymoon. Neither him or I had any vacation time.lol

Neither him nor I wanted a big wedding. Everything was perfect. No complaints here!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The big wedding is largely a cultural thing. My mom was Italian. Her family went way overboard on them. The reason for these huge events and why it is often seen as the woman's day is that in the past getting married was the only thing that a woman really got to do. She'd never get a degree, have a job or do anything really exciting. So this was HER big hurrah.

The other thing, as my grandmother explained to me, the guests to these large weddings are expect to give sizable gifts. The wedding was sort of an investment. For example you spend 38K on your wedding and had 135 guests. So each guest would be expected to bring a gift of at least $282. 

The wedding shower was quite elaborate. The gifts were washing machine/dryers, refrigerators, living room furniture, etc. Of course this is where mom and dad of the bride & groom gave them the cash for down payment on their first home.

Now at the wedding no one brought gifts.. I mean something in a box. They brought envelopes with cash (or checks). Each envelope was expected to have at least $282. Most would have a lot more.

So the parents of the bride would pay some huge sum for the wedding. But the couple would get much more than the cost of the wedding in cash. Plus at the wedding shower they got their house and the house furnished.

The idea.. it was the one big day of her life and the young couple had a fully furnished home to start their new life in. 

Of course they would be paying out of the nose for the rest of their lives at every wedding for their brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins first, second and third removed. 

Today we just pay for our own stuff. A 38K wedding it a waste of money unless someone is filthy rich. Did you get a fully furnished home out of it? Doubt it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My wedding in 2000 cost me $2500. It was a formal wedding. The ceremony was in a small chapel. Then we walked to a nearby restaurant and had a full sit down dinner for about 35 people with mariachi band/singers in Old Town Albuquerque. Our wedding cake was a 3 tier New York Style cheese cake. It was wonderful and intimate.

My previous wedding in 1985 cost about $1000. It was in our home. The wedding ceremony was in our backyard in our flower garden. We just had a JP come to our house to do it. We cooked the entire dinner buffet ourselves. 85 guest, all family and close friends. My mom and I made our wedding cake. It was covered in tiny sugar flowers with live lilies on the top of each layer. Dancing on our patio. It was a blast. We had as much fun cooking and making the cake as we did at the wedding.


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## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

We got married in our jeans in Fiji where we were living at the time. I did buy a pretty blouse though and made him a new shirt to wear. 
Oh, and my wedding ring came from a pawn shop as I saw it in the window and loved it and couldn't find a new similar one in Fiji.
Half way through the service the celebrant was interrupted by a phone call from the police to say that his dog had bitten a neighbour and they had taken it away. Every few sentences after that were interjected with 'oh dear, my dog, my dog'.
The husband still wonders if he is married to me or the dog.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

About $7,000 in all in 2000 for a wedding with about 75 guests. Everything came out of my pocket except her wedding dress. Her niece played piano at the ceremony while I had someone I knew doing DJ at the reception and someone else I knew well doing the photography. The flower arrangements were kept to a minimum. The rings were cheap; she did not require better, thank goodness as we were in the midst of buying her dream home. So while we separated just 2 1/2 years later I don't regret the wedding expense too much. But I will say next time it will be a JP and a really nice dinner out afterwards.

Earlier this year, I went to a wedding at which no expense was spared. At all. I'm pretty sure it was at least $40k. Definitely conspicuous consumption. I can only hope the couple are up for the hard work, that it wasn't all illusion.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

$1500 for the hall and to feed 100 guests, $100 dollars for her dress (she wore a pink prom dress) $180 for my suit, $3500 for the ring. about $5 per table for decorations (12 tables = $60). The hotel we rented the banquet room at hosted their own bar, and we made about $1800 cash as gifts plus probably close to another grand worth of merchandise. Music was mixed CD's (ipods were just new at the time and we couldn't afford one until AFTER the party) Pretty much a break even event.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

my first wedding cost a fortune...not sure how much exactly but my parents paid..they wanted the big wedding for their little girl..not my style at all..just the dress was 1800 dollars.and in 1987 that was ALOT. ten years later i left his abusive ass in the dust...i had found my self confidence..

this wedding.
.well we had things set,..hurricane jean compromised our honeymoon and we wanted that more than the wedding..the only flight we could change to was right at the time we were supposed to get married,,,we ditched the whole thing,,got married the night before with about twenty friends and our three kids from our first marriages...our whole catered meal went ahead as planned the next day..at the local abused womens shelter that had housed my daughter and i for nearly two months when i left my first husband..the abuser... and here we are. nine years later...the only speed bump was my fault a few years ago. 

I married my best friend this time...the wedding was not expensive...i bought a 200 dollar dress..my daughters was 80 bux..my hub and the two boys from his first marriage rented tuxes..the biggest expense would have been the catering as it was a backyard wedding anyway...so. we lost about a thousand to the catering...but some kids and moms got a great catered meal...and the rest..maybe 1500 total. 

CHEAPER WEDDING THIS TIME AROUND..MUCH BETTER HUSBAND :rofl:


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

aston said:


> It's mostly driven by women, I've seen women who have been planning their wedding day since they were 12 lol.


Not only that, it's a flat-out competition. Notice how when a lady is engaged, people tend to fixate on the size of the diamond? BTW, it seems that diamond engagement / wedding rings were a relative rarity until DeBeers started marketing them in that manner.

Yeah, with the cost of wedding, emphasis on the "four C's", and now with flashmob wedding proposals, the focus of the wedding is clearly on the wrong things.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

DTO said:


> Not only that, it's a flat-out competition. Notice how when a lady is engaged, people tend to fixate on the size of the diamond? BTW, it seems that diamond engagement / wedding rings were a relative rarity until DeBeers started marketing them in that manner.
> 
> Yeah, with the cost of wedding, emphasis on the "four C's", and now with flashmob wedding proposals, the focus of the wedding is clearly on the wrong things.


Very true....again...driven by women. It's also amazing how easy it is to observe then hating on each other whenever one gets engaged lol.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Not all women are like that. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

nandosbella said:


> We didn't have a wedding.. I feel like I missed out on something. I wouldnt have a huge circus or anything... but at least a dinner or a friggin dress.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too...  I wish I had done things differently!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. Fat chance. I had 1 *wedding*. I don't need another.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Maybe what you need is a marriage? Or not. Whatever works best, just hope you find happiness with someone again.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

We had money when we married.lots of it.our wedding cost about 4k.

i don't regret the cost.I did all the planning and purchasing without suggestions or help from overbearing friends and family.It was OUR day.Not the vision of some planner or the moms(my mom,his mom).The most costly things were the flowers and the photos...neither expense was a regret.It was a perfect and beautiful day.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

We spent less than $500.00 on our wedding and I think it was just perfect. The only thing I would have changed would have been that instead of getting married in the church, I would have done it in my parents yard. But seeing how I was 5 months pregnant and my husband was headed to basic training, we got married in January during a big snow storm. No honeymoon, rings were the ones his parents used when they got married (and divorced less than two years later ) 
I found a dress I loved on clearance at a bridal shop, bridesmaid dresses were not too expensive, and then the flowers. My parents paid for everything and even wanted to do more, but I hate having to get up in front of people, so the easiest and quickest was perfect for us.
The funny thing is, is that one of my brothers had a wedding they spent about $100 on and they are going on 24 years now. My other two brothers wives insisted on huge, fancy weddings and they are both on their 4th marriage now. Go figure!


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

CO_MOM said:


> We spent less than $500.00 on our wedding and I think it was just perfect. The only thing I would have changed would have been that instead of getting married in the church, I would have done it in my parents yard. But seeing how I was 5 months pregnant and my husband was headed to basic training, we got married in January during a big snow storm. No honeymoon, rings were the ones his parents used when they got married (and divorced less than two years later )
> I found a dress I loved on clearance at a bridal shop, bridesmaid dresses were not too expensive, and then the flowers. My parents paid for everything and even wanted to do more, but I hate having to get up in front of people, so the easiest and quickest was perfect for us.
> The funny thing is, is that one of my brothers had a wedding they spent about $100 on and they are going on 24 years now. My other two brothers wives insisted on huge, fancy weddings and they are both on their 4th marriage now. Go figure!


HA! Ironyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy:rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Maybe what you need is a marriage? Or not. Whatever works best, just hope you find happiness with someone again.


Thanks fo the kind thoughts.

Doubt I'd remarry, but definitely no big wedding.

I'm more partial to a LTR w/o all the legalities. 

There is something about marriage that for ME scares me. Now with that said, I do think it works splendidly for other people and I'd never knock anyone who gets married or wants to. You only live once so you might as well do what makes you happy! Different strokes!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks fo the kind thoughts.
> 
> Doubt I'd remarry, but definitely no big wedding.
> 
> ...


The good Lord above knows it took ME long enough to get married...I never wanted to either. And since no one ever asked, things were fine! But since I am married now, it'll be a one time thing as far as I'm concerned. I won't do it again either.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks fo the kind thoughts.
> Doubt I'd remarry, but definitely no big wedding.
> I'm' more partial to a LTR w/o all the legalities.  Different strokes!


AMEN! Never marrying again either. I think I'm happier in a relationship without any of the legalities.
When someone is there because they want to be there and not because they HAVE to be there due to the legalities of marriage, that to me holds more gravitas than anything else.
and....Different strokes huh? I won't even go into how many meanings those words could conjure lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

CO_MOM said:


> The funny thing is, is that one of my brothers had a wedding they spent about $100 on and they are going on 24 years now. My other two brothers wives insisted on huge, fancy weddings and they are both on their 4th marriage now. Go figure!


Hahahaha! That is so funny! 

My parents spent about ten bucks to get married & have been together nearly 40 years now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

aston said:


> AMEN! Never marrying again either. I think I'm happier in a relationship without any of the legalities.


Yep. This is exactly how I feel! 

Oh and what you said about how some women have been planning their weddings since they were 12--that is true (not for all women, but for some). I went to college with a girl who's parents had a WEDDING fund for her. Ya know, like a college fund/savings account?

Yeah.......talk about nuts. 

She was all "I can't wait to get married, what about you?" And I told her "I can't wait to finish this semester!" Hahaha. :rofl:


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yep. This is exactly how I feel!
> She was all "I can't wait to get married, what about you?" And I told her "I can't wait to finish this semester!" Hahaha. :rofl:


You touched on a point there...I remember in college there was a girl that actually uttered the words "I don't plan on working after caollege cause I'll be married within a year". She planned on meeting a guy to marry in college...that was her PLAN.

Why waste the money LOL


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

aston said:


> You touched on a point there...I remember in college there was a girl that actually uttered the words "I don't plan on working after caollege cause I'll be married within a year". She planned on meeting a guy to marry in college...that was her PLAN.
> 
> Why waste the money LOL


Yep. People like that scare the sh* out of me. But I've always been a progressive woman.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Aston said*: About 10 yrs ago when I got married (been divorced 2) we spent an upwards of $38K on the wedding. Now my ex is half Italian and Half Greek and at our wedding I had 15 guests but she had 120 (YES ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY!) guests.
> 
> In retrospect given I've been divorced for a while now we should have put that money towards a house instead of waiting another few years. It also became clear that it was mostly her day and not mine.
> Why do most women (and of course the finger wagging hip thrusting lip puckering effemate men ) ignore the reality of a wedding day? It should be about two people right? Afterall the guests come eat drink dance and leave.
> ...


That is a tremendous amount of $$ for only that many guests....

Me & my husband's # 1 aim was to save for a country house....but still...we didn't pass up a Big Wedding either. 
I just felt it was something I might regret. Nobody on his side or mine had a BIG wedding - so I decided we were gonna be the 1st!

Weddings do not need to cost an arm & a leg to have the happiest day of your life & your guests have a Ball of FUN...

I've always been very Thrifty" - I planned & devised every detail of ours. 

We had over 300 people come (we almost ran out of food!)....I bought a T-length gown instead -who wants to drag a trane around anyway ( cost $150, beautiful enough - who needs Tradition). 

We got a Firehall down the road ($300 to rent -I forget?) & we decorated it ourselves .. & quite extensively at that, so much the owners asked us for Pictures to place in their office to show couples inquiring to rent. Bought a ton of balloons, mylars too, attached them to painted washers had floating candles. I made a ton of favors with flowers/jorden almonds, ashtrays with our names on them, cameras on the table..

Streamers kinda fell over night - but it was neat dancing in that the next day..like we were in the clouds....




















Our friends decorated a Float for us...for the whole wedding party to ride to the Reception (just an old car hauler ) 










His Parents paid for the Catering (their gift to us) .. this has to be the most expensive part [email protected]#$ 

We had light beer- friends handed it out (do people really need a bar??)..... we had a DJ (reasonable)- she was a BLAST, I loved her so much from a friends Reception, I told her I would plan mine around HER schedule ... She knew how to shake it up...Dance floor on fire all night...daring my husband to take the garter off with his teeth, had the crowd behind her, he was blushing- even had the next guy putting it on with his teeth! 

I comparison priced everything while planning... .. we had every dime paid in full before we walked down that aisle...except the Photographer. Also paid for a special Pianist in the church. Bought a large Wedding album - many 8 x 10's and a Monster Portrait that hangs in our kitchen.. 

Me & my husband wasn't making big Bucks back then.. just a few dallors over minimum wage really. This was 23 yrs ago....

I just feel one can have the perfect day, exciting fun filled memories ...family /friends/ great food, music to dance your heart out....without all the extra luxuries many put into these BIG weddings & end up paying for yrs & yrs afterwards. 

I think we spent a total of $4000 or less on our Big day.

Here is an interesting tid bit....pretty much unheard of... I found these cute Pink strapless dresses on Clearance walking out of JC Penney one fine day....($19 each)...bought them on the spot...Bridesmaid dresses! ....then we decided to pay for the Guys Tuxes while we were at it - to make it Fair ... Not hard to do since I saved so much on my Wedding dress!


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Indeed - it doesn't have to much at all.

We got married in one of the most expensive (non-ridiculous) places possible - central london (exhibition road, for those who know the area - near Hyde Park, the Royal Albert Hall, Science Museum .. really fantastic place.)

Bride chauffer driven in a limo.

We had over 100 guests (about 110, I think).

Church wedding, and then we (over)fed everyone in the afternoon.

3-tier wedding cake by a real expert in the field.

Wedding night in an exclusive apartment in Mayfair (if you know your monopoly board, it will give you a clue ...)


But ... she made her own dress (beautiful embroidery on it - we shared initials, and they were entwined on it .. aww...)
She made the bridesmaid dresses.
The chauffer was a personal friend, and provided the limo.
The catering was done by friends.
The church was provided free, and the organist and singers provided their services for free.
The wedding cake was professionally made by the same person who made my parent's wedding cake (with the same decorations from the same mold) - a close friend of my grandmother.
The apartment belonged to a family friend who maintains a place for when he wants to stay in London (about 2 weeks a year ...)

Big help - no alcohol provided or allowed!

The secret is having skills, and knowing people with skills!

Yeah, we were cheap in what we spent, but certainly not cheap in what we had/provided.

And it meant we had a deposit to put down on our starter home when we returned from our honeymoon!

Couldn't have had a better start in married life.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Rags said*:... she made her own dress (beautiful embroidery on it - we shared initials, and they were entwined on it .. aww...)
> She made the bridesmaid dresses.


You must have married a Seamstress! I can't imagine the work involved in all of that [email protected]#$%^ Plus their dresses too!!







Hope the Bridesmaid count was low! What an accomplishment !!












> The chauffer was a personal friend, and provided the limo.
> The catering was done by friends.
> The church was provided free, and the organist and singers provided their services for free.


 Nice to have a Limo Driver as a friend! With enough family & friends to help us out..... all of these things can come together very smoothly & not break the bank.

My Best friends son & wife threw one together real quick... I know they didn't spend much, cause they don't have it, they rented a Holiday Inn back room.... Married in the church...(free) friends did the DJ, I was their Photographer....they probably had about 80 people anyway. Friends/family did all the cookies, I think they got the cheapest catering possible...... no Booze... but ya know....people still had a great time. They just drove away in their little red ferrari - "Just married" signs. 

It's still a celebration.







& oh so special to them! That's all that counts.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

aston said:


> It's mostly driven by women, I've seen women who have been planning their wedding day since they were 12 lol. Men generally would just rather show up, say their vows and get drunk/laid LOL.


I don't understand why men let women do that. 

If you think that it's most driven by women, and men don't want that, why don't men stop their women from being ridiculous. Are men scared of their women and don't dare to speak out their mind?

If you don't want to spend a lot of money on a big wedding, tell your girlfriend that and try to reason with her. If she doesn't want to listen to you, you see a problem there. The woman you have is vain.

While we were planning to get married, my husband said that marriage is about two people, so he didn't want anybody to be involved in his wedding. Our wedding was about two of us. Two of us got married in court, two of us went to a romantic restaurant for a nice meal($70), two of us went to a fancy hotel to spend the night($200), two of us went to our honeymoon(A week for $1,000). We didn't spend much money, but the memory of our wedding is sweet. 


We have been married for more than seven years, and we are happily married!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

My wedding was ten years ago and beautiful. 80 guests, at a winery, delicious a la carte menu, fabulous wine and champagne. It cost about ten thousand dollars altogether. My parents paid half, we paid the other. 

My dress was $600, not a wedding dress, but a blue silk beaded evening dress. My husband bought a gorgeous suit for about $1500. Our rings were $1500. My engagement ring is an 1920s estate one from ebay for $600. We bought dresses for the bridesmaids, groomsmen wore their own very sharp suits.

No special cars, no band, my husband made the invitations, my filmmaker uncle took the photos, my aunt made the cake. My husband took ages making music CDs to play for dinner and dancing.

We had a week's honeymoon at a tropical island resort which was partly paid for by guest contributions. 

I wouldn't change a single thing, except maybe make it go longer. We are going back to the winery for our tenth anniversary in January and taking our girls for some family photographs. 

And can I just add, 'a face like smacked arse' is my favourite expression and I wish people used it here. I think I'll start, maybe it'll catch on.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

The most expensive part of my wedding was the dress. It was around $500. Having said that, the rest of the wedding was cheap enough. The monster in law had her hands in everything. The table decorations were nice. The cake was horrible. I spent probly $3000-3500 in total. At the end of the day I was married, and that is all I cared about. The wife wishes the wedding was better. We intend to compensate next fall on our 10th anniversary. The wedding is a destination, the marriage is a journey. Makes more sense to me to invest in the part that takes more time. We have never made a lot of money, so we wouldn't have spent a lot on the wedding. That is so stupid. I got married on a Saturday and was back to work Monday. I have bought her another ring set, and will likely get another for the ten years. She suggested looking at pawn shops. The less we spend on material things the more we can spend on making memories.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

We put everything into our Wedding/ Reception... even helped with the clean up afterwards that night....

Here is where we screwed up....we didn't take the time to plan our *HoneyMoon* out at all... we just "winged it" ...the next day driving off to some lavish area I seen advertised on the TV -with a map in our hands (No internet back then) .....

Once we got there, we spent time walking around in a nearby Park & zoo (very enjoyable, got a pic of me picking up a duck!)... then we got to the Resort desk, asked how much it would cost to stay a night....The price seemed outrageous to us... we looked at each other ....and left... We surely had it - just that morning we opened up all our cash gifts- we were rolling in the dough....

Looking back...this was a ridiculous thing to do!!! We basically skipped our Honeymoon & drove back home....(For us....that was $$ taken from our house savings). 

So years later, after having 4 kids (& acquiring that country home we diligently saved for - some things *do* pay off )... we ended up going back to this same Lavish Resort & spending a couple nights - to make up for our sillyness. Kids loved it....& laughed at how we hi-jacked our own Honeymoon. 

But I'll never regret our wedding or any dime we put into it... It's a once in a Lifetime thing. (or should be)... Considering how Tight I was with $$ back then, its a wonder we even did it ! Sometimes it's worth spending the bucks.. cause many a woman does regret this. 

*Just be careful with the wallet & ask yourself in each step of your planning *...

"Is it really paramount to my/our happiness (and the man should be on board)....to have the biggest, the brightest, the tastiest, the most expensive " as you bring it all together. It gets a little more complicated when Parents are footing the bill though. 

Things that mattered to me was....

*1*. Photograghy - I didn't skimp here- even had 2 of them -one a good friend, her present to us. 
*2*. The DJ - didn't want a boring one - that could ruin a night!! 
*3.* Lots of Cookies - guests love that!!
*4*. Decorating factor, I wanted to out do myself- renting a wishing well & other things to spiff the place up. 
*5. *So long as I felt I looked beautiful in my dress, it was "good enough" ...Didn't spend an arm & a leg on my bouquet either- you just end up tossing the thing. 
*6*. My husband wore glasses (but looks so much better without) so we paid for "contacts" before the wedding. I would be kicking myself -if all our pics he had those big bulky glasses on. 
*7.* Having enough food, the Caterer was my MIL's best friend, so they got a deal -this helped. 
*8. * I tried to make it FUN with little stuff -for the guests.. alot could be said for "atmosphere" ....like below....a # of our guests could release a balloon after the ceremony-- had those balls of birdseed for everyone to throw at us too. 

Last 2 weddings we attended, they gave out bubbles after the ceremony.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

My wedding inst until 06/08/13 and I'm already regretting the cost. It isn't even my money.

My fiancee and I wanted to do something simple and nice and pay for it ourselves. Maybe 2-3 dozen people at most.

Her mother literally had a panic attack because she had been planning this huge wedding since my fiancé was born. 

I don't have much family. I've only got 4 family members to invite (would be 3 but my uncle just got married). We have 22 joint friends to I invite as well.

Her mother has invited 218 people. Most of them my fiancée doesn't even know. Literally everyone remotely related to them.

Even better, I have allergies to pollen, but we are getting married in a botanical garden. Should be fun. 

Its going to set her father back around 50K. Maybe a little less. Complete waste of money, at least it isn't mine thou.

If you can't tell I'm not a huge fan of my future MIL. Neither of us wanted this at all.

On a slightly funny note, I'm white and so are most of our friends. She's black. Its almost a little comical to me that there will be about 2 dozen white people in a sea of black people they don't know. Should be interesting.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

My fiance is just as into the wedding day as me. We both considered eloping but we have children and some very close friends and family we want to share the day with. 

That said, I am gobsmacked at the amount some people spend on weddings.


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## SelfTweaks (Nov 11, 2012)

I never have and never will understand the whole wedding sham. Even though I've only been happily married to my wife for only three years, we were both in our 40's which I believe makes a difference.

If one of the biggest reasons people divorce is because of money, why would you put that strike against yourself by going into massive debt from day one?

I promise you I spent more on my senior prom than on my wedding, but my marriage is intact, my bills are paid, and we will be able to retire and do what we want when we retire.

Our marriage was personal and I refused to let some elaborate wedding ceremony be a validation of my feelings for my wife. When she was my girlfriend and we were discussing our views on marriage, I simply told her that I thought the money would be better spent building a life together than on impressing friends and family. 

Fortunately she agreed. I believe that this simple conversation can save a lot of people thousands of dollars and a lot of heartache in the future should it not work out.

Those damn romance novels!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I've told DD22 that I would pay for a destination wedding and 10 friends to travel there. Two birds with one stone.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

Our wedding was a courthouse affair, just us and 3 of his close family members as witnesses, then a nice meal at a restaurant afterwards and a night at a hotel. We probably spent less than $500 on the whole thing (excl. the rings). I wore my graduation dress (purple) and he bought a new suit-jacket and a tie.

The rings we went a bit overboard on, but we'll have those forever and the ceremony was just one day. Sometimes I regret not having a 'proper' day with all our families together and a beautiful gown and exotic honeymoon, but I can always look at my gorgeous ring and know that we'll be together forever


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## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

I don't like how TV makes it seem like women HAVE to spend all this money on a wedding. My dress was $500 and looked just as nice as kleinfelds for 5000$. I felt just a beautiful too. So much of this stuff is unnecessary.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

captainstormy said:


> My wedding inst until 06/08/13 and I'm already regretting the cost. It isn't even my money.
> 
> My fiancee and I wanted to do something simple and nice and pay for it ourselves. Maybe 2-3 dozen people at most.
> 
> ...


$50k ... sheesh, that's a good-sized down payment on a house! That would be a far better use of the money. At least it isn't your money.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

Zzyzx said:


> $50k ... sheesh, that's a good-sized down payment on a house! That would be a far better use of the money. At least it isn't your money.


I know! Our day has become her mother's day. She's literally been planning this for 20+ years. She did at least move it to Columbus (where we live). She wanted it to be in my fiancé's hometown, which she hasn't lived in for 15 years.

At the end of the day we are still married so I don't really care and my fiancee feels the same. Its completely foolish though.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

My wifes neice was offered a big wedding or a house. She chose the wedding. Now 16 years later she lives in a hovel with a lazy bum who won't work......My wife and I were married in the E. St. Louis court house in front of a judge...We have 2 homes 3 boats, and 4 cars, and a 46 year marriage.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

captainstormy said:


> I know! Our day has become her mother's day.


That's a real and present danger in a lot of weddings, I think. Thankfully we didn't have any difficulty in resisting pressure, as we knew what we wanted, we presented a united front, and with our religious views (which differed from my athiestic parents) there was never really a question of tehm trying to impose anything - we were having a religious wedding, and they could either embrace that and be a part of it, or not.

As you say, at least it's not your money - but really, think of what better uses could it be put to... *sigh*


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> My wifes neice was offered a big wedding or a house. She chose the wedding. Now 16 years later she lives in a hovel with a lazy bum who won't work......My wife and I were married in the E. St. Louis court house in front of a judge...We have 2 homes 3 boats, and 4 cars, and a 46 year marriage.


AMEN! That's the way to do it!


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## Honest opinion (Dec 14, 2012)

I never had a wedding,and i regret that ,i thought its and important memories i never had,the wedding dress,cake,and the picture how did we look back then on our best days,hmm now you got me scratching my head :scratchhead:,reading all the responses ,maybe i didnt miss on much eh..:smthumbup:


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I mostly agree with you. I probably won't win a lot of lady fans by saying the big wedding is OVERRATED. I didn't have any wedding, we went to the courthouse. Thank Goodness I didn't spend a lot because the marriage is a disaster. On the other hand, I'm so low-maintenance that he thought he could be high maintenance and put us in $50,000 credit debt, now WE'RE filing bankruptcy. I didn't charge any of it.

Some people are just special, entitled kings and queens.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I think weddings are around because we build up this fantasy in our daughters' heads about what they 'have' to do. It ends up being a disappointment, IMO, for the money spent.

I like the old-fashioned European weddings, where you just hang around and party for 2 or 3 days.


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