# I'm not going make it.



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I am really trying not to die right now. I just got a bill from our cell phone provider and I was looking at the types of phone calls he is making, yea I was snooping =( and he has a couple that he has made to someone that he has talked to for a long period of time. I called the number from my mom's phone and I got an operator saying that the "call can not get thru at the customers request." I think she blocked me, I didnt make the call from my cell phone for obvious reasons. So I had my other sister call from her phone and her call went thru but only got her voice mail. I think I know who it could be. And I am praying to God that he is just looking for an ear to be heard. But this is how something could start right? Is this the sign I was praying for? I have been praying to God to get him out of my life because the pain is just too much. He clearly told me before I left that there was no one else, but ugh, please someone help me tell me something I need to hear!!


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am really sorry I understand you pain I truly do  There is honestly nothing you can do I wish I could say there was something you could but honestly there just isn't. You could ask him BUT it WILL cause a fight.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Yea I don't want to confront him about it because he will tell me, you see you haven't changed! What if he is just friends with her! God why do I do this to myself! I don't think I am strong enough for this, I am really dying inside. I don't want this. =(


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Is this women an old friend? Mutual?


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

she was an old co-worker. She left when she graduated college and went on to a better job. I felt relieved when she left. Every now and them she would come up. Nothing that I was worried about. This is thing right before I left I erased her number on his cell phone. When I talked to him again he told me that he noticed that I erased it and was upset about it. He told me, you see you are still jealous and controlling. I messed up, yet again. I never really talked to her, but we have gone out with his co-workers and that was the only interaction I got with her. This is killing me.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

A friend of mine said when I asked him what did he think about my situation, being nearly 2 months into the separation and not seeing any change.

He said, give her time if she doesn't change her mind why would you want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be with you?

It is true, why would we? if they end up finding somebody else, or not even that they prefer to be alone w/o us well so be it. As much as we want we cannot hold on to them, let them go...if they come back our relationship was meant to be it will be if not we also have the right to decide if we want to move on. 

Being faithful and interested on the marriage doesn't mean that we have to endure mistreatments or being taken advantage of. 

Love them but not to the point of degrading ourselves.

ALSO: those calls may or may not mean something but you are suffering because you found them. FOCUS on working on yourself, not on trying to find about his life.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

stbxhmaybe said:


> Being faithful and interested on the marriage doesn't mean that we have to endure mistreatments or being taken advantage of.
> 
> Love them but not to the point of degrading ourselves.
> 
> ALSO: those calls may or may not mean something but you are suffering because you found them. FOCUS on working on yourself, not on trying to find about his life.


Thanks for your advice, I am really trying hard here, I am to the point of no return.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I don't know if I am strong enough, I dont want to feel this way anymore.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Yes, you will make it. Of course you don't want to feel hurt any more, who would? It takes time, and it seems you will need alot more time to make it better. This is only my opinion, and I am not any sort of counseslor, just a guy now separated for 6 weeks. You cannot change anything about your husband, not one thing. You can only change you, and that is what you have to do. Concentrate on you, changing things in your life to make it better, make you feel better about yourself, make you stronger etc. He may never come around, may as well start getting on with life. If he sees all that you can become, maybe he will change himself, maybe not. But at least in the mean time, you will become a better, happier you. 

As you know, I am in the same boat in some ways. Had another dream last night where she was once again rejecting me, love waking up feeling like that. But there is nothing I can do about it at the moment, can't control my thoughts when I sleep. But yesterday I went dirt biking with some guys after work, and then today went on a street bike ride with one of the same guys, so there is one new friend. So I feel pretty good right now, not really thinking about us too much. I can't change her feelings, I can only change myself and if she never wants to get back together, it will hurt like hell but I will go on, as that is what I am already doing. I think this is what you need to do too, move forward like you are not going to get back together yet still hope you will, either way it will serve you better in the future. I have give my wife a bit of a timeline to figure it out, in that I said I want to know by the end of the summer where we are at and if she can't say yes or no, then I will. Not trying to pressure her, but that is what I need to do for me. 

I hope that you can dig deep and find the strength/courage to move on with things, you deserve to be happy and waiting for somebody else to make decisions in your life is not the way to do it. You need to be in control, and you will find that you can do it. I know you can.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Hurtin' unit said:


> Move forward like you are not going to get back together yet still hope you will, either way it will serve you better in the future..


Beautiful! that's all I can say..


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