# mommy of 3 needs some advice



## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

i have jsut recently given birth to my 3rd child. i had a rough pregnancy with kidney stones. i spent weeks at a time in the hhospital during my pregnancy for infections and having surgeries and just pain management. unfortunately my 2 other children had a tough time when i was away. my oldest just turned 3 and my son just turned 1. when i go into hospital they refuse to eat for their grandparents and cry alot. when i come home my 3 yr old tells me she loves me and begs me to not get sick again and says she will be good if i dont go back. it breaks my heart. well after my youngest was born 4 wks ago i found out i have to have surgery on my kidney and am gonna have to spend another wk in hospital. i dont know how to tell my 3 yr old im gonna be gone again or how to explain to my 1 yr old. on top of it all i am affraid my newborn wont recognize me when i get home(hes breastfed, afraid he wont latch again). i need some advice to help my kids through this. they dotn deserve this pain.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Hi addie,
Sorry that you are going through so much. I can totally understand how painful it is for you to have to leave 3 young kids for a week. But remember they need you and you are doing this in the best interest for your children. Young children do cry when the primary caregiver is away but they will not be crying non-stop and starve if they have a responsible caregiver to replace. Some tips from me.....get grandparents to visit a few times earlier and play and feed the kids while you are around. So that it won't be too hard on them when you are away. Get some interesting toy or something for your 3 year old that will occupy her for a week. Assure your oldest that she is a great girl and your absence is not because of her. Tell her that the doctor need to check your body so that you can come back to her healthy and strong to play or something like that. will they get to visit you in the hospital? Most important is you should not show your kids that you are worried and sad to leave them for a week as this will affect them greatly. If you look confident and cheerful your kids esp the oldest will be confident too. I work in day care and I have seen children being dropped off with complete strangers, though they cry they will settle very soon. I hope it wont be too hard on your and your kids........it will be over very soon and your kids won't even remember that so don't worry yourself too much. Take care


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Thewife said:


> Hi addie,
> Sorry that you are going through so much. I can totally understand how painful it is for you to have to leave 3 young kids for a week. But remember they need you and you are doing this in the best interest for your children. Young children do cry when the primary caregiver is away but they will not be crying non-stop and starve if they have a responsible caregiver to replace. Some tips from me.....get grandparents to visit a few times earlier and play and feed the kids while you are around. So that it won't be too hard on them when you are away. Get some interesting toy or something for your 3 year old that will occupy her for a week. Assure your oldest that she is a great girl and your absence is not because of her. Tell her that the doctor need to check your body so that you can come back to her healthy and strong to play or something like that. will they get to visit you in the hospital? Most important is you should not show your kids that you are worried and sad to leave them for a week as this will affect them greatly. If you look confident and cheerful your kids esp the oldest will be confident too. I work in day care and I have seen children being dropped off with complete strangers, though they cry they will settle very soon. I hope it wont be too hard on your and your kids........it will be over very soon and your kids won't even remember that so don't worry yourself too much. Take care


:iagree: There is some excellent advice there. The good things about kids is that they are incredibly resilient and are able to overcome things pretty easily (sometimes they are able to overcome certain things better than adults). It is only a week. Consider this, a child has 936 weeks in their childhood (birth-18 years old). As you are gone for this surgery you will only not be present for a tenth of a percent of their childhood.


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