# re-establishing an emotional connection- for men!



## maple05 (Jul 30, 2010)

Help! I've posted here before, see "want this issue over". How can I re-establish an emotional connection with my wife....practical advice, anyone?


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Try asking her each morning "what do you need from me? and how can I show you love today?" and do what she says. It will take awhile but over time it will go along way with reconnecting each other. Also, have you and your wife take the 5 Love Languages quiz and find out what her top two are speak to those daily.


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## maple05 (Jul 30, 2010)

I bought that book "the 5 love languages". I asked her to have a look, and she said she didn't want her life and marriage run by a book. She was adamant, and I stopped asking her.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

maple05 said:


> I bought that book "the 5 love languages". I asked her to have a look, and she said she didn't want her life and marriage run by a book. She was adamant, and I stopped asking her.


A lot of people don't live more than an inch outside their own head. They "know" they have all the answers and don't want to even listen to anyone else’s.

It's a huge sign that they'll for ever stay the same way unless a life changing event happens to them. Even then I've seen people bury their head deeper in the sand and really close off from the outside world and help that may be waiting there for them.

There's an old saying "When the pupil’s ready the teacher appears”, she’s a very long way from “ready”. So you have what you have, doesn’t matter what you do, it’s the way it is.

Bob


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

AFEH said:


> It's a huge sign that they'll for ever stay the same way unless a life changing event happens to them. Even then I've seen people bury their head deeper in the sand and really close off from the outside world and help that may be waiting there for them.


I make all employees I manage read a book about that very thing. It's called "Change or Die" by Alan Deutschman. It's a really great book about why people are resistant to change, and what we each can do to stop ourselves from falling into the same trap.


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## SeekingHope (Jul 12, 2011)

AFEH said:


> A lot of people don't live more than an inch outside their own head. They "know" they have all the answers and don't want to even listen to anyone else’s.


DING DING DING - this is my H to a T!!!

In response to the OP, my H and I have nearly no emotional connection these days. And if he wanted to fix it, for me all he’d need to do is touch me. And I don’t mean sex. I mean a spontaneous hug. Or grab my hand unexpectedly in the car. Or kiss me more than hello and goodnight. Touch me. Physical connection is huge for women, we need it to feel emotionally connected and safe. When I don’t have it I feel disconnected and scared. But I can’t make him understand that. He says he’s not “feeling us” right now so the last thing he wants to do is be all lovey and affectionate with me. So since you WANT to fix things with your wife, try it. What could it hurt?


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## Vixen3927 (May 2, 2011)

*Find out what she's interested in, passions, drives, etc. and do your research! Read up on it, get to know it, and once you feel you've got a grasp on it, engage her in a conversation about it. She'll feel happy to share her joys in life with someone else and shows that you're really trying. The care and acknowledgment you're transmitting will be picked up by her instantly. Also, if she doesn't say very much about it, encourage her to keep talking about it and ask questions. Don't let the conversation die. If you give up on the convo, she'll see it as you giving up on her. Be persistant and she'll recognize the effort and healthy pushing of the subject because it shows you are interested in her and what she has to say.

Another way you can establish an emotional connection again is to do little thoughtful things here and there. They don't have to be big and extravagant, just noticable enough. For instance, if you went out shopping, bring back her favorate ice cream or candy. Not only does this show her that you're thinking about her when you're gone but also that you know her well enough to pick out her favorite things. Also, acknowledging when she does something thoughtful for you. This should be done right when the act occurs and then brought up at a later time. For example, my fiance and I were walking around our apartment complex one time and at the end of the street is a pond where there were baby ducks that I had been watching for weeks. His knee was acting up and he wanted to turn around and go back home. I wanted to go to the pond but seeing how he was uncomfortable and in a little pain, I gave up my desires for his. He pointed this out right then and there and thanked me for turning around and going back. Then, a day later, he brought it up again and thanked me for being sensitive and thoughtful that day. It's little things like that that stick with me and strengthens and sustains our emotional connection. The same can be done with you and your wife. Good luck!*


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

SeekingHope said:


> DING DING DING - this is my H to a T!!!
> 
> In response to the OP, my H and I have nearly no emotional connection these days. And if he wanted to fix it, for me all he’d need to do is touch me. And I don’t mean sex. I mean a spontaneous hug. Or grab my hand unexpectedly in the car. Or kiss me more than hello and goodnight. Touch me. Physical connection is huge for women, we need it to feel emotionally connected and safe. When I don’t have it I feel disconnected and scared. But I can’t make him understand that. He says he’s not “feeling us” right now so the last thing he wants to do is be all lovey and affectionate with me. So since you WANT to fix things with your wife, try it. What could it hurt?



SH,

How would you adress this if the wife is not the touchy feely type? Not trying to hijack.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Do what you did when you were dating. What would you do if you were trying to win her heart again? Try doing some adventerous things together to get the adrenaline flowing. New adventures build emotional connections.


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## SeekingHope (Jul 12, 2011)

sinnister said:


> SH,
> 
> How would you adress this if the wife is not the touchy feely type? Not trying to hijack.


Oh, I really don't know. I was just trying to offer my perspective of how MY husband could fix OUR emotional connection if he were to actually try. My suggestion is what would work for me personally. Maybe if your wife isn't the touchy feely type, just try doing little things to make her feel special? A chore you know she hates, or a treat you know she loves or a movie she's been wanting to see... just little things make all the difference sometiems.


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