# Is it worth going back



## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

I have written on this site before, and was pleased by the comfort and honest advice, that it opened my eyes and gave me the confidence of what I should do towards my relationship.
To make it short, I was married on August 2009 and within 10 months of my marriage; my husband got arrested for drinking, went to AA – continued to drink, and caused a lot of turmoil in the relationship. I had pleaded numerous times for him to stop the drinking, to the point where I am not pleased I had an emotional affair, and he found out. I had lost myself during the marriage, and felt I wasn’t a person he wanted to change for. 

I moved out on my own almost 3 months now, the husband and I still speak, but we revert to the past, I do want to work things out with him, and asked him to Completely stop drinking, he say he will try but he would like to have at least 1 with his family. I told him I will not accept it, but I will do whatever it takes for him to trust me again. I don’t know if I am making the right decision to work things out so fast, or give it time, knowing that I have doubts it will go back to the same cycle of drinking. I want to work this marriage out and have a family, but I do not want to look like a fool at the end of this all. 
Am I holding onto something that will never change?


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

The answer to the last question you ask in your post is, "yes."

The answer to the question in the title of your post is, "no."


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## lil miss wifey (Sep 5, 2010)

Well to me things change, what I think about your situation although I don't know everything about it, is that if u love him u should try to work things out and it will take some time, and also he has to know that u believe in him and that your not doubting him that would make him trying to change worth it because he knows ur not expecting him to fail 100%, but also he has to make a promise to u that he wants to change and he wants to change to make his marriage better and if he doesn't make that promise to u, well u shouldn't go back to him because obviously he doesn't want to change. BUT IT ALL TAKES TIME.


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## keke1 (Dec 26, 2010)

Stay out....go on with your life.....no matter how much you want him to stop he will only stop when he is ready....

You are out stay out....you can still love him and pray for him....but that does not me you have to be married to him....girl go....I am telling you this because I went back and I regretted it every since I am so depressed everyday...I hate being married he is a good man but i want out.....Girl you are at a crucial point right now...

But choose what is best for you.....

Good Luck!!!!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Keke is dead on, you played your trump card, you left him and it did not stop him drinking. He has not yet hit rock bottom, the state of his life that will make him want to stop drinking. Going back is not in your best interest and certainly not his. Ask yourself what will be gained if you go back to him? He gets what he wants without any effort on his part. Believe me he will not value your faith in him by stopping the drink. He is more likely to celebrate your return with a good drink or 10. 

Stay out and freeze him out. He is still getting something that he needs out of your continued involvement, that is helping him avoid hitting rock bottom. Getting on with your life is the best thing you can do for you both. Consider the relationship over, you left and it was not enough to make him stop that means the losing you is not important enough to him to make him look at himself. This the man you love and he may love you back but not enough to stop dring for you. It hard but you made a very courageous step by moving out, there are many women who stay with an alcohol for years, and bring children into the world, into a terrible life with an alcoholic man. You did not make this mistake, so don't back slide.

Think about what I said and see if it rings true to you. He may stop drinking one day but you don't know when maybe 10, 20 years or maybe never. He may have many sterling qualities but he is missing one important one and that is sobriety. It sad, my family has many alchoholics. Three of my mothers brothers were alchoholics and they are all dead due to alcohol related diseases and her sister, who does not have as severe a problem is still with us. 

My Mom came from a family of 7 kids and only two did not have the drink problem. Her father, my Grandfather, also had a drinking problem so kids of alcoholics are vulnerable. I say that to add credibility to what I say. My uncles were lovely men, they were family men and they had good jobs, 2 were firemen and 1 worked construction. But they drank themselves to death and it was difficult to witness. Don't gamble your life and the lives of future children betting on a losing hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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