# Need Proof, please help



## 23confused (Jun 11, 2021)

I recently found out my fiance, who I have been with for 10 years, has been talking to other men on snapchat and Grindr (we are a straight couple). I confronted him and he admitted it and deleted the apps. I have full access to his phone now and he assures me he didn't do anything except talk to them and send pictures. I want to believe him but the fact that I didn't get to see what was exchanged on those sites is weighing on me so heavily that I don't know if I can keep up the relationship. We are best friends, we never fight or argue- he's literally the best ever, that's why it was such a shock. If he wasn't a great guy I would have dumped him, but I want to make it work so bad. 

My concern is that he could be downloading the apps on his way to work and deleting them daily. Is there a way to track this? He has a newer iphone so spy tracker apps won't allow me to check messages coming through Snapchat or dating apps. He has voluntarily offered to let me put a spy app on his phone for peace of mind so I think he's actually stopped, but I'm being eaten alive by my concerns and I need to know for sure. Any one here have experience with this?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I'm assuming you are a guy too, and this is a homosexual relationship. 10 year relationship without yet being married and the guy is snapping other guys and is on a dating app. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what is going on here. You already have enough proof. You do not want to marry this man. I know it sucks to lose 10 years, but I think you will never be able to fully trust this person.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm assuming you are a guy too, and this is a homosexual relationship. 10 year relationship without yet being married and the guy is snapping other guys and is on a dating app. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what is going on here. You already have enough proof. You do not want to marry this man. I know it sucks to lose 10 years, but I think you will never be able to fully trust this person.


She says they're a straight couple.


OP, your guys likes men. Period.

Please do not marry this guy....you're setting yourself up for a lot of misery. You're not even married yet and you're already scrounging for ways to "make this work".

Dump him now. He's going to continue pursuing men behind your back.


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## 23confused (Jun 11, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm assuming you are a guy too, and this is a homosexual relationship. 10 year relationship without yet being married and the guy is snapping other guys and is on a dating app. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what is going on here. You already have enough proof. You do not want to marry this man. I know it sucks to lose 10 years, but I think you will never be able to fully trust this person.


No, as I posted above, we are a straight couple. He proposed several years ago and I have been dragging my feet on marraige because I was divorced before and I don't want to go through it again. Truthfully I don't see how he could have physically cheated because we are together almost all the time except when he is at work, and I don't think he could make that leap to trying out men.... but I could be wrong. I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

23confused said:


> I recently found out my fiance, who I have been with for 10 years, has been talking to other men on snapchat and Grindr (we are a straight couple). I confronted him and he admitted it and deleted the apps. I have full access to his phone now and he assures me he didn't do anything except talk to them and send pictures. I want to believe him but the fact that I didn't get to see what was exchanged on those sites is weighing on me so heavily that I don't know if I can keep up the relationship. We are best friends, we never fight or argue- he's literally the best ever, that's why it was such a shock. If he wasn't a great guy I would have dumped him, but I want to make it work so bad.
> 
> My concern is that he could be downloading the apps on his way to work and deleting them daily. Is there a way to track this? He has a newer iphone so spy tracker apps won't allow me to check messages coming through Snapchat or dating apps. He has voluntarily offered to let me put a spy app on his phone for peace of mind so I think he's actually stopped, but I'm being eaten alive by my concerns and I need to know for sure. Any one here have experience with this?


You need to get access to his google cloud. Every app he uses will be logged. Does he have a Gmail account?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

23confused said:


> No, as I posted above, we are a straight couple. He proposed several years ago and I have been dragging my feet on marraige because I was divorced before and I don't want to go through it again. Truthfully I don't see how he could have physically cheated because we are together almost all the time except when he is at work, and I don't think he could make that leap to trying out men.... but I could be wrong. I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.


You already have proof of who he is...you just don't want to accept it.

I'm sorrt...I know it's a lot to process.


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## 23confused (Jun 11, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> You need to get access to his google cloud. Every app he uses will be logged. Does he have a Gmail account?


He has hotmail, no Gmail


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

You already seem to have proof that your fiance has been talking to other men online and on hookup sites.
You now know that he is interested in other men.

Are you OK with your partner having this side to himself, as it's not going to go away.
That is what you need to process first.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

23confused said:


> No, as I posted above, we are a straight couple. He proposed several years ago and I have been dragging my feet on marraige because I was divorced before and I don't want to go through it again. Truthfully I don't see how he could have physically cheated because we are together almost all the time except when he is at work, and I don't think he could make that leap to trying out men.... but I could be wrong. I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.


In that case he is a closeted gay/bi man. Why else would he be in Grindr and chatting up other guys. Have you asked him if he is attracted to men? Even if he hasn't physically cheated, he has still cheated. He is on a dating app which has only one purpose, and he has exchanged pics with other men. He already cheated even if he hasn't stuck his penis in someone.


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## 23confused (Jun 11, 2021)

To reiterate, I am looking for help with finding out if he is uploading and then deleting those apps on his phone- not advice on what I should do. I appreciate the advice, but what I really need is tech support; maybe it would be better for me to join a forum for hackers instead... 
For those asking, yes I can get past his messages and pictures as long as he has stopped, and so long as it hasn't been physical. You might not all agree with that and that is fine; but once again, I am looking for help with the app tracking only.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

23confused said:


> f he wasn't a great guy I would have dumped him,


Grea guys don't engage in online cheating. He's not a great guy. He just plays the role very well.



23confused said:


> I can't throw 10 years away without proof,


You have proof. Your man was engaging in, at least, online sexual activity with other men. Because it turns him on and he enjoys it. You already know this. What other proof do you need?

Unless you plan on monitoring him 24/7/365 from now until death does you part you will never know whether or not he's relapsed into having his bisexual needs met with men he meets online or irl.

You will also never know whether it's been physical. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're together unless he's at work. Should I list all the places at work I have had sex or caught others having sex? Or talk about how easy it is to get sex while your spouse is gone running errands or visiting friends?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Being a warden is a thankless task. Let him go or regret it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

23confused said:


> No, as I posted above, we are a straight couple. He proposed several years ago and I have been dragging my feet on marraige because I was divorced before and I don't want to go through it again. Truthfully I don't see how he could have physically cheated because we are together almost all the time except when he is at work, and I don't think he could make that leap to trying out men.... but I could be wrong. I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.


It stinks to start over, but the only thing to do here is dump and move on, and you are not a straight couple, because if he’s messaging men, quite simply he’s gay and that isn’t going away. Sorry


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

23confused said:


> To reiterate, I am looking for help with finding out if he is uploading and then deleting those apps on his phone- not advice on what I should do. I appreciate the advice, but what I really need is tech support; maybe it would be better for me to join a forum for hackers instead...
> For those asking, yes I can get past his messages and pictures as long as he has stopped, and so long as it hasn't been physical. You might not all agree with that and that is fine; but once again, I am looking for help with the app tracking only.


Well you create a fake acct and see if his picture and info is there. But look, you’re dating a gay man. He’s not going to stop. You’re fooling yourself. If you caught him chasing girls—- he wouldn’t stop either. 
you caught him cheating. Don’t stay with a cheater. It’s miserable.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> Being a warden is a thankless task. Let him go or regret it.


Nah. She's blinded. She's lacking understanding of what it means (in the long run) when men that are in a heterosexual relationship are seeking other men. She won't listen to anyone; but she might understand some day in the future, after probably another 10 years when he dumps her for man.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

23confused said:


> I recently found out my fiance, who I have been with for 10 years, has been talking to other men on snapchat and Grindr (we are a straight couple). I confronted him and he admitted it and deleted the apps. I have full access to his phone now and he assures me he didn't do anything except talk to them and send pictures. I want to believe him but the fact that I didn't get to see what was exchanged on those sites is weighing on me so heavily that I don't know if I can keep up the relationship. We are best friends, we never fight or argue- he's literally the best ever, that's why it was such a shock. If he wasn't a great guy I would have dumped him, but I want to make it work so bad.
> 
> My concern is that he could be downloading the apps on his way to work and deleting them daily. Is there a way to track this? He has a newer iphone so spy tracker apps won't allow me to check messages coming through Snapchat or dating apps. He has voluntarily offered to let me put a spy app on his phone for peace of mind so I think he's actually stopped, but I'm being eaten alive by my concerns and I need to know for sure. Any one here have experience with this?


You can go into the App Store and you can see apps that were installed, but no longer currently installed. I think it includes a date that it was last downloaded. 

I realize you are currently just looking for a way to verify and that is fine, but are you really going to just ignore the fact that he was on a gay dating app and messaging men? You say you are a straight couple, but you aren't. Your finance is either bi or gay, why else would he be interested in a gay dating app and pics of other guys? Do you know what the pictures were? Were they nude or otherwise sexually inappropriate? I assume they were. And are you really best friends if he was lying or keeping something from you as important as being on a gay dating app and exchanging pics with other men? Have you actually asked him if he is gay/bi and attracted to men?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

There is no reason a straight guy would be on Grindr. 

The only reason anyone would be on there is to hook up with other dudes.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Time to wake up. This is really bad. You don't have the messages or pics... but I'm sure if you did, you'd be done.

The old story of I was just messaging and nothing ever happened is what they all say. It is very unlikely that nothing physical happened.

Check into his work PTO and see if it aligns with known days off, he's probably not always where he says is.

You should cut and run.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Are you ok with being with a gay guy?
If not.........
I can assure you no straight man does this ****.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> There is no reason a straight guy would be on Grindr.
> 
> The only reason anyone would be on there is to hook up with other dudes.


So I guess what I and the other posters are trying to say is being on Grindr *IS *the proof.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Are you ok with being with a gay guy?
> If not.........
> I can assure you no straight man does this ****.


This is correct. I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but it is core issue that you need to deal with.

Even if you were able to establish that he has actually deleted the apps and has stopped using them, you’d still be marrying a gay man who is probably more attracted to men than you.

Is that really the vision of your marriage and future that you want? Married to (and possibly children with) a gay husband who may or may not be willing/able to continue suppressing it indefinitely. Because if he’s attracted to men, he’s attracted to men. It’s not a phase, he wasn’t experimenting, and it’s not going away.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Those 10 years are gone. Sunk cost fallacy. I know you said you were divorced and probably don't want to be "wrong" again. You probably feel stupid for spending that much time with someone and finding out you don't really know them as well as you thought. Well, you're not stupid, you were with a liar. That just makes you human.

Plus if you really thought he was the one you wouldn't be dragging your feet. Perhaps you were picking up on something an not realizing it?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Torninhalf said:


> You need to get access to his google cloud. Every app he uses will be logged. Does he have a Gmail account?


Or his I Cloud, if he uses Apple stuff exclusively.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

23confused said:


> To reiterate, I am looking for help with finding out if he is uploading and then deleting those apps on his phone- not advice on what I should do. I appreciate the advice, but what I really need is tech support; maybe it would be better for me to join a forum for hackers instead...
> For those asking, yes I can get past his messages and pictures as long as he has stopped, and so long as it hasn't been physical. You might not all agree with that and that is fine; but once again, I am looking for help with the app tracking only.


You could get someone to hack his phone. But that's illegal.

I would suggest a different tack. What about couple's counselling?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

23confused said:


> he's literally the best ever, that's why it was such a shock. If he wasn't a great guy I would have dumped him,


I've got another shocker for you...he's not such a great guy. Great guys don't engage in that type of activity whilst in a committed relationship.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You might want to get checked for STIs.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

23confused said:


> No, as I posted above, we are a straight couple. He proposed several years ago and I have been dragging my feet on marraige because I was divorced before and I don't want to go through it again. Truthfully I don't see how he could have physically cheated because we are together almost all the time except when he is at work, and I don't think he could make that leap to trying out men.... but I could be wrong. I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.





23confused said:


> To reiterate, I am looking for help with finding out if he is uploading and then deleting those apps on his phone- not advice on what I should do. I appreciate the advice, but what I really need is tech support; maybe it would be better for me to join a forum for hackers instead...
> For those asking, yes I can get past his messages and pictures as long as he has stopped, and so long as it hasn't been physical. You might not all agree with that and that is fine; but once again, I am looking for help with the app tracking only.


As an older person, I would like to share a little perspective.

Gay men don't have sex with women. Bi-sexual men can have sex with men or women. So those that are telling you have your fiance is "gay" or homosexual are wrong. They may be straight and bi-curious or they may be bisexual. Or if you believe in the whole gender fluidity thing (which I don't) they may have self identified as who knows what.

Now, you get to decide from your perspective when the relationship is over or not. You get to decide if you want to commit to trying to rebuild it.

What I have read from your posts is that you sort of want to work on rebuilding it but you don't trust that he has stopped using various "dating apps" to flirt with or worse men. You want help in resolving your question of app tracking on his phone. 

May I suggest a simple search on the internet. Now let me tell you why you don't want to do that.

You will be investing a lot of energy and some money in installing an application within his cell phone that may be illegal depending on where you live, but more importantly will likely destroy all sense of his trust of you should he discover it or you should ultimately confess what you did. The other alternative is for you to set up a fake account on the of the dating app sites he has used. Rather than doing something that will potentially destroy the relationship you want to save, why don't you and your guy go to a marriage counselor and go through either marriage counseling or pre-marriage counseling depending on how many years you have lived together.

The reason I suggest this is that if you did you very evil snooping, and found nothing you sound like you want to marry him. Why don't you tell him that you still love him but you need the two of you to go through marriage counseling because of what he did and to help you in two separate ways. The first is to help you deal with your commitment issues associated with not responding to his marriage proposal for years and the second is your insecurity.

A good marriage counselor can potentially help the two of you with your trust issue and your commitment issue and potentially help him with his honesty to you issue and his sexual identity and sexual interest/curiosity issue. Who knows may the counselor can find out it is just a fantasy of his and the two of you can role play it a bit to find out what his feelings are. You can also work with the counselor to find out an hopefully align your views on marriage and a long term relationship. Specifically, in terms of honesty, cheating, and what you each want from marriage in say 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. It can really help the both of you "commit" to a life together, which is what I thought you were trying to figure out. 

Good luck to you.

(1)


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

23confused said:


> I can't throw 10 years away without proof, not 10 years with someone who I love this much.


This is the sunk cost logical fallacy. Do you want to marry a guy that wants to talk sexually with other men behind your back? Do you see where that is headed? Do you want to be with a guy that will likely be having sex with other men? You will always be on your guard. I wouldn't want such a life, were I you.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> As an older person, I would like to share a little perspective.
> 
> Gay men don't have sex with women. Bi-sexual men can have sex with men or women. So those that are telling you have your fiance is "gay" or homosexual are wrong. They may be straight and bi-curious or they may be bisexual. Or if you believe in the whole gender fluidity thing (which I don't) they may have self identified as who knows what.


They absolutely do. I personally know of a few example where a gay man was married and had kids and just went on hiding his real sexuality until he either couldn't take it anymore or society no longer saw as taboo as it once did. Then they finally came out, divorced and went to be strictly with men. It isn't uncommon for some that is gay to have one or more female sexual partners before they full understand their sexuality or they are trying to hide it and live a "normal" life.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> As an older person, I would like to share a little perspective.
> 
> Gay men don't have sex with women. Bi-sexual men can have sex with men or women. So those that are telling you have your fiance is "gay" or homosexual are wrong. They may be straight and bi-curious or they may be bisexual. Or if you believe in the whole gender fluidity thing (which I don't) they may have self identified as who knows what.
> 
> ...


Gay men do in fact have sex with women. Some have wives and children. There is a whole religious group here where where this behavior is commonplace. Gay men are encouraged to deny their pull to “sin” and just do what needs to be done. (Have a wife and family and work hard to be hetero.)

Many gay men are in denial, they don’t want to admit that they are gay. Believe that being married will “fix” them. I think you would be surprised by how many gay men are married to women and have children.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You don't need proof. If he's active on those apps he's looking for an opportunity and a temptation to cheat. You need to just accept that.


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## 23confused (Jun 11, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> As an older person, I would like to share a little perspective.
> 
> Gay men don't have sex with women. Bi-sexual men can have sex with men or women. So those that are telling you have your fiance is "gay" or homosexual are wrong. They may be straight and bi-curious or they may be bisexual. Or if you believe in the whole gender fluidity thing (which I don't) they may have self identified as who knows what.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.

I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Of course he doesn’t mind if you install spyware on his phone because he probably has the local Blue Oyster Bar figured out or he has alternate devices he can use to troll for hot pieces of male totty.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

23confused said:


> Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.
> 
> I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


You still have not answered the question about his sexuality. Did you ask him if he is attracted to men? Has he ever had sex with a man? These are things I would be asking if I were in your shoes. They are all relevant questions and appropriate questions for a fiancé to ask. Also, what is your sex life like now? I guarantee if you go to counseling these are all things that will be addressed.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

23confused said:


> Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.
> 
> I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


I do think you are being very naive. He isnt straight. If he was bisexual he would probably be cheating with men and women. He is only cheating with men. I would think he is gay. If you want to marry a gay man that is your choice, as long as you go into it know that he is gay and that he will almost ceetianly carry on the cheating because his sexual attraction is for men and he seems to think that being faitiful isnt important. He may well end up leaving you and whatever children you will have for a man, I know people this has happened to.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You still have not answered the question about his sexuality. Did you ask him if he is attracted to men? Has he ever had sex with a man? These are things I would be asking if I were in your shoes. They are all relevant questions and appropriate questions for a fiancé to ask. Also, what is your sex life like now? I guarantee if you go to counseling these are all things that will be addressed.


I honestly dont think she wants to know, she thinks he is straight.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

23confused said:


> Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.
> 
> I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


I think most say this because they know if a couple isn't married then why waste more time having to watch your SO's every move. Maybe you nipped this in the bud? Maybe he has a burner phone? It's just a pita to have to deal with all of the garbage and work it takes, but it's your life in the end and if you want it to work and it does then great, just know that the odds are stacked against you.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

23confused said:


> Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.
> 
> I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


You concentrate on the one (false) opinion that gay men won’t have sex with women. They can, and do, all the time for many varied reasons and none of them is from kindness to the woman. You are playing a dangerous game with your life. But it’s yours to live so I wish you the best.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You don’t need proof. He’s obviously at least bi (if not gay), and if he tells you otherwise he’s lying.

Dump him now.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

23confused said:


> Thank you for your reply, and kind suggestions. My fiance has suggested I install the spy app on his phone for peace of mind, he says he knows he has lost the right to privacy and he doesn't need it- I think he actually thinks I already installed it, so quite likely he won't upload any of those apps. It's not illegal in my country, and I wouldn't be using it against him in court or anything, just my own peace (we have a pre-habitation agreement, and no kids. Everything we own belongs to one of us but not both.) The fake account won't work as he did not use his own photo.
> 
> I think your idea of counselling is a good idea, and I have been looking into it. He's open to the idea of going as well. I really appreciate the thought you've put into your message, it's nice to know not everyone thinks this is a cut and dry case of "get out."


Monitoring someone that knows they’re being monitored has no value whatsoever, especially when they know _HOW_ they’re being monitored.

Dump him now and move on.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> You concentrate on the one (false) opinion that gay men won’t have sex with women. They can, and do, all the time for many varied reasons and none of them is from kindness to the woman. You are playing a dangerous game with your life. But it’s yours to live so I wish you the best.


I can personally attest to that. Your fiance is bi and isn't about to do without, and it's very easy to find casual quick sex with other men on Grindr or out at the bars. There's 101 ways to meet for a quick BJ. There's apps where you can just meet someone on your way home from work for a quickie. 

I have no problem with bi men, but I do have a problem with liars and cheaters. You need to call this off. It's not ever going to get resolved in your favor. You'll never be able to trust him because he's always going to have men as well.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

If he is as open to you checking up on him as you say he is, why not simply ask him to reinstall the apps temporarily for you to see what was said and done?

If he won't agree to it, you have your answer I would think - ie he's hiding the truth from you.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

How old are you guys? Ever think that maybe he's done with the relationship? He's had 10 years of fun without having to marry you. Now this might give him an out. In fact you may only caught him because he has a IDGAF attitude now and wasn't covering his tracks like he used to.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear OP;

Good luck


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

@Young at Heart, Gender fluidity isn’t even a topic being discussed and has nothing to do with the great pressure a gay man can feel from family, religion and society to be heterosexual. I don’t think you understand the immense internal struggle many of these men feel, leading to suicide, mental health issues and yes, even trying to be straight by acting straight which is what I think is happening in this thread.

You seem to believe that a gay man cannot make his parts work for a non preferred gender. I assure you, they can.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I have no problem with bi men, but I do have a problem with liars and cheaters.


And that's the thing I think is being near ignored because it's less shocking than the sexuality thing.

Many bisexual men and women are quite capable of having happy monogamous marriages. His sexuality isn't the issue. The issue is the lying and cheating.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> And that's the thing I think is being near ignored because it's less shocking than the sexuality thing.
> 
> Many bisexual men and women are quite capable of having happy monogamous marriages. His sexuality isn't the issue.* The issue is the lying and cheating.*


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