# Need help in sorting my thots abt MIS



## urenigma (Mar 1, 2014)

Dear All,

This is the first time I am ever writing on a forum about anything. I have been married for a year now and my husband and I went out for 2 years previously.

She is nice to me so long as there is nothing related to she, me and my husband.

Due to work distance which really long I live in a hostel near my workplace while my husband lives with his family. He kind of has to because he is the eldest with no father and 2 siblings. Long story for why they cant move to where I love. However, he makes sure that visits me in the evening and spends sometime with me before i head to office.
I visit my MIL over the weekends, and here i where I have the problem. She always starts a fight when I and my husband go out alone. She has directly and indirectly shouted with anger because we are going out. So I and my hubby had an arrangement that we will go out alone only on saturdays and every sundays we go out as a family. And believe me when I say we go out as family sundays either for movies or dinner or simply atleast an icecream. most of which I spend for.

Today, we had a discussion where my MIL started with my hubby that I and him go out everywhere and never bother to take to the same places. She came out very strongly that my hubby should take her alone to movies/restaurants. And i Feel this is not right. I am always up for going as a family with my BIL & SIL and MIL,but alone, Im just not comfrotable and Iam unable to convince myself that what she is demanding is correct.

I know this is a very long email, but any thots wud be really helpful.

Thanks


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I understand respecting the elders. And in some cultures this can be demanding. If yours is one of these cultures I am not sure what you want your H to do.

If it isn't, then it is up to your H to have a firm talk with his mother. He is the one that needs to set the boundaries with her. He also needs to let her know that you are in no way a threat to his duties to her and the other children, but that you are his wife, so you are the one he will take out on dates. If his mother wants to go out, arrange one time per week to take her out. If she doesn't like that - too bad. 

Your husband is also the one that must tell his mother that she cannot speak to you in bad ways, and he must enforce this.

If he is unwilling to do this, I don't know what you can do about it.


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