# Has anyone ever done anything like this?



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I was chatting to a friend yesterday about finding a possibly incriminating text message last week on my H's cell. I explained the situation: that the text message I found could have been implying that there was more to my H's EA than he let on (ie a PA) but could also just have been banter between co-workers.

She told me about a friend of her and her H's who found out her H had been receiving a lot of attention off a woman they both knew. The W clamped down on it but the H insisted it was all completely innocent, they were being friendly, etc. 

Anyway, the W couldn't shake the nagging feeling that despite him insisting, there was more to it. He had cut off contact with this woman all ready, so what the W did was purchase a prepay cell, and message the woman pretending to be her own H. She carefully went about laying the groundwork, and by asking some very clever questions, realized that her H had been lying to her all along and had been having an affair with the OW.

I said I didn't think this was for me (I think the thought of even so much as conversing with the OW makes me feel ill) but has anyone actually ever done something like this? And had results?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Never thought of it but curious. What kind of ground work?


----------



## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Hey....what could it hurt to try? If she finds out it is you do you really care?

I have not done this, but it sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The OW is an enemy of your marrige and deserves nothing positive from you.


----------



## anonymiss (Jul 20, 2011)

i've heard of this. someone had an old useable cell phone, she deactivated her H cell phone he was using, activated this old phone with his number, received all his texts and calls for two days to confirm, then magically reactivated her H cell phone after she got her evidence. only thing he thought was his phone wasn't working for a few days, maybe broke.
of course you'd have to do that with someone who won't go straight to the cell phone place for a loaner or to inquire.


----------



## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

My wife and her lover had a code word for each other so they would know it was them texting each other. fyi


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That's actually rather clever. It could be tough to match your husband's "style" and maintain a meaningful dialog though.

The closest I came to a covert operation like this was to create a profile on one of the "hook up" sites. I knew which sites my husband was on. Since I knew what he liked, it was easy to snare him and have a dialog. I really got to see what a complete liar and cheater he really was. Eye opening!


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

cj9947 said:


> My wife and her lover had a code word for each other so they would know it was them texting each other. fyi


Indeed. When first discovering what would be my wife's first EA, I saw a text from her to the OM saying not to text unless she texted him first, and only if her text had a paticular signature at the end...that without said signature, it was probably me trying to get info from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

way too risky.

to many variables and unknowns.

have your "cover" blown, you will never see another chance to find out anything.


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> way too risky.
> 
> to many variables and unknowns.
> 
> have your "cover" blown, you will never see another chance to find out anything.


I agree. They could have a code word. There could be some way he always opens the conversation. My wife and her OM always sat down at their online game and both said "Hi". Something as simple as that could throw it off. He might call her baby, or sweetie, or anything that you wouldn't know. It might be as simple as their first conversation every time, "Hi". Anything else would be a red flag.

The problem with it is as Pit states, once they know you are checking, it only goes deeper underground and harder to catch. Trust me. I know and learned the hard way. Each time I would catch her, I would foolishly reveal my source. They would simply find a way to circumvent the way I found them. 

Keep any surveillance to yourself. At first, I thought it was a clever idea as well. Then, the code words and everything else made me think a little deeper.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I had thought about (but abandoned) the opposite idea: to act as the OM, in either a new email address and/or a prepay for texting, and send my WW a fishing message, to test her response and see if she would tell me about it.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I thought about it. Then I thought if the OW deleted him from her phone I sure as heck don't want to give her his number again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I must confess to keeping coming back to this idea. I didn't think it was for me, but I do keep toying with it.

Although I have forgiven him and we are moving forward, I do still have that passing thought as to whether I *do* know the whole truth. To me, it seems like she was rather forward given the amount and type of contact he had with her. I do think the way she pursued him could indicate he gave her more reason to believe he was interested than he has told me about. But thereagain, it could also just be that she *is* a very forward woman.

Theer are the obvious pitfalls. Using a prepay is a good idea, and I could pretend to be my H, but it is quite possible she could send messages to or call my H's real number to verify. I have also thought of doing it the other way around, getting a new number and pretending to be the OW. I have thought this is better because H has allowed me access to his cell records and he knows I would see if he contacted the OW, so he might be more inclined to message a new number as I wouldn't know it in theory.

I don't think I will do it right now. But I will keep it filed away for future reference.


----------



## ray0110 (Aug 16, 2011)

How did you restore the secret emails. I would like to do the same thing.


----------



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Once I found the solid evidence that my husband was cheating, and confronted him with this evidence (I found love notes he wrote to her on her myspace page) He still denied any wrong doings so I just went ahead and confronted the ow, who did confess to me that she was involved with him.
I did not go undercover and pretend to be him, although I do find that to be an interesting idea.


----------



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> (I found love notes he wrote to her on her myspace page)


damn, people still use myspace?


----------

