# Suspicious



## Wacco

Hello everyone. Just saw this website and decided to check it out and see if I could get some help.
Married to my wife for 10 years with three kids. We had lots of issues in 2015 including financial issues cause I couldn't get a job. Constant arguments and before I could notice she wouldn't let me touch her for weeks saying she was too stressed . This will go on and off till August when she asked to travel for a week with the kids to a friend in France. She left and we talked everyday and I remember asking her to be careful and act responsible.
She came back few days before end of August and all was ok. We celebrated her birthday that same month and it was fun. Beginning of September I saw a French number from a guy that called her a few times and when I asked she said it was just an old school friend that she bumped into a while back. A few days later I called her and talked to her. Told her all will be ok and she had tombe patient and believe in me and that if she was thinking of doing something like cheating she should reconsider and stop for my sake and that if the kids. We made love that night and while at it she started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said nothing.
Forward 2016 we move out of the city to a new house that she loved much. I spend all my savings on it and again starts the financial problems and I can't work because of a major back problem I got the year before from hard labor which I did to please her. The distance becomes worse and we spend day's and week so not talking to each other. At every occasion I tried to talk to her or make peace and after a while it will start again. She spent a lot of time on her phone and changed the password. Around December found a few more calls from the French number on messenger and confronted her and she denied any relationship saying they just talked as friends and that they hadn't talked in a while . When I took her phone to show her everything had been deleted. I confronted her and she said there was nothing and that she had met him in France when she went to visit her friend. They had had lunch and he collected her number and wanted to go out with her but she denied. Said he was not her type. Asked her to call him and she refused. I spent time with her phone and found out that she had blocked him in what's app, messenger, Facebook, immo . She stored his number twice on her phone once with an abbreviation and second under another persons name. I went back on immo and succeeded to bring back some messages that lasted till August 2015 when she just returned from France. She called him not by his name but with a sexy abbreviation of it. He said he missed her and at one point she misse his calls she said she was busy and ended saying MISSED U. I confronted her and she said it was nothing. She only ate with him because she need the attention because things were not good at home with me and there was too much distance. 
What kills me is the fact that I asked her a few days before and on the 31st of 2016 if she had anything to say to me before we moved on into a new year and she said no then I find the immo messages a few days into January 2017. 
SO she met him two days after arriving in france and claims they only ate once on the third day and that was it. The other 4 days she never saw him. Then why does he miss her or why does he say in his messages that it was an amazing week together.
It hurt me so bad I haven't been able so sleep for weeks now. Every time I think about it my heart hurts and I just want to pack and leave but I look at my kids and I don't. The worst part about it is she knelt down and swore that she never slept with him so why keep that conversation and why hide his name or delete the messages. Now she loves me so much and wants to sleep in my arms all the time or make love all day and every day. I can't deny the fact that the love making part is wonderful because we have both reached points that we never experienced before. She's sweet now and will do everything I want.
The only thing that hurts now is I don't believe her fully. I really think something happened in france and maybe she got disappointed or realized the guy will not leave his wife or something . I just have that gut feeling and most of the times I am never wrong. I want to divorce and leave but I haven't done it. I tell her I love her but still look at her like a traitor to our family. I spend hours at night awake thinking about her with another man and it hurts me so bad. Don't really know if I still love her or am just scared to start all over again after 10 years or it's my 13, 8 and 4 year kids am worried about and before I forget now she might be pregnant with another child for three weeks and this is something she never wanted and i de been asking the whole 2016. What do I make of this . How can I trust her again and even travel for work or something else without thinking horrible things. Am not ready for a life with pain, fear and insecurities.
PLEASE SUGGESTIONS


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## arbitrator

*Did you ask your kids if they were ever left alone or were out of their mothers presence for any discernible amount of time while they were over in France?

If so, then I think that you'll have a pretty good answer!

But for the time being, I think you'd better start checking out her domestic activity here!

Things obviously went well for her in France, but something sure smells putrid in "Denmark!" *


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## browser

Well you already know she's lied to you, the only question is how much.

All the stuff with the phone password changing and deleting of texts points to an affair, but the unfortunate truth is you'll probably never know.

All you do know is she's a liar, she's deceived you to a degree but you don't know how much and you probably never will. 

About the only suggestion I have is that you take a hard line, and you tell her that with all the password protecting, deleting of text messages, and "trickle truthing" she's giving you, the only way you will rest easy is if she takes a polygraph test. If she declines, then well, she's gotta be guilty. If she accepts, you hope for what is known as a "parking lot confession" some time prior to the polygraph which is really the reason you do it because polygraph tests are notoriously unreliable but hopefully she doesn't know that. 

For lots of guys that would be enough to walk away, others will find some way to accept/justify/rationalize her behavior and find a way to live with it, always wondering and always keeping "one eye open" because if it happened once it could very well happen again. 

I'd like to think if it was me I'd just walk away but your mileage may vary. Especially with another kid possibly on the way. How the heck did THAT happen especially with all the problems?


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## 2ntnuf

> Told her all will be ok and she had tombe patient and believe in me and that if she was thinking of doing something like cheating she should reconsider and stop for my sake and that if the kids. We made love that night and while at it she started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said nothing.


Big guilt ridden red flag. After a few times with no consequences, she won't feel guilty any more. Certainly, I could be wrong. I don't think so, though.


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## jb02157

I think you can be pretty much sure that she was with this guy the whole week, they probably had sex and she lied about the whole thing. She keeps changing her story. Only liers do that. If you can deal with that stay and see what happens but it seems you can't. It keeps you awake at night and the thought of her with someone else will never leave you. I'd leave her.


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## Evinrude58

Honestly, 
I think I'd get a job and enjoy your wife and hope for the best.

Yes, she cheated with the guy in France and yes, I am 99.9% certain she had sex with the guy.
Why else would she go to France? Online boyfriend is my suspicion.

Question: Are you ever going to get a job? If not, you should consider getting a divorce. I suspect this is the 2nd biggest problem in your marriage.

JMO


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## Wacco

I want to first apologize for the absence. Been trying to figure out what to do with my life. Thanks to you all for the comments. 
I feel so lost right now especially now she pays so much attention to me and wants to be there all the time to do stuff or just cuddle. Now she wants to make love everyday two to three times a day. Before the France trip we never had that. We could stay for a month without even hugging not to talk of making love. Now she talks about us and projects like nothing ever happened and for her I have to take her word and believe that nothing happened in france.
Every time I look at my kids I feel discouraged to go. I grew up without my dad and believe me it wasn't a good experience. I felt lost so many times and I don't want to put my kids through that. Don't know how to explain to them that I have to go because I think mummy cheated on me. 
Sometimes i even want to take my boys and just go away to the states where my mum lives. 
NB . There's no pregnancy. False alarm.


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## syhoybenden

Dat Lucy, she got some 'splainin' to do.


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## MJJEAN

If you want to know why she wants sex and cuddles frequently, Google "hysterical bonding". If you want a divorce due to her affair, get a lawyer and get shared custody so you can remain an involved father.


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## Lostinthought61

you need to know the truth, you have to sit down and tell her that you can not move on with out....and after she tells you, you then can make a decision but then at least the ball is in your court, right now she holds it and will until you get the truth.


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## aine

This is a difficult place to be in. Go see a lawyer see what you options are, arm yourself with knowledge of options.
Tell her you know she lied, trickle truth, etc and you are now in a place where you are making a decision whether to stay or get a divorce. That will scare her.

Tell her you have already seen a lawyer and she has to agree to a polygraph, you cannot move forward with her without it. If she doesn't agree you know what you have to do, this will torment you.


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## Grapes

^ this

Seems like the only recourse is a Polygraph. Asking her for details is a futile effort. Shes already lied to you and will just do it again. 

did you take arbitrator's advice and ask the kids if they spent anytime without mommy? That should tell you alot


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## straightshooter

Grapes said:


> ^ this
> 
> Seems like the only recourse is a Polygraph. Asking her for details is a futile effort. Shes already lied to you and will just do it again.
> 
> did you take arbitrator's advice and ask the kids if they spent anytime without mommy? That should tell you alot


Wacco,

You can ask your kids anything you want to but you are never going to know the truth without a polygraph. She ain't going to confess and will continue to lie to you. And now she is manipulating you with sex so you will rug sweep. Not sure where you are located but you are lucky he is in France.

You have to decide if you want the truth or not. And do not think it can't happen again here.


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## Bananapeel

If she isn't computer savvy you can figure everything out without a polygraph. Just tell her you scheduled a polygraph and leave the house. When you come back check her browsing history on your computer.


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## Sparta

OP *arbitrator* ask you a question. You did not answer it. His question was. "Hey did you ever ask the kids about Mommy's trip," giving you examples of what to ask her. Hey kids did Mommy leave you with anybody.? Did mommy ever go anywhere by herself for substantial amount of time. Did Mommy ever introduce you guys or did Mommy ever hang out with a guy that you guys can remember. I don't know be creative. I mean there's got to be way to gather information. OP do you know about "Dr. phone Text recovery software" or why don't you try to get his number and figure something out either tricking him into thinking he's talking to your wife or whatever you come up with there's got to be a way to find out I mean. She was in a different country so she did not have her guard up to well I mean. You need to use your imagination. The reason why say this is you know more about your wife anybody here. and anything I could even think. Be advised, Do not rugsweep.? 

I wouldn't do any more soft confronts.! You need to become a detective and you need to do it in stealth mode. Because she Will not be able to keep up the sex too much longer she's trying to force you to rugsweep. Hoping that everything will go back to normal and she I don't have to face up to what she did to you. You know you might even think about it like this that you forced the issue you might be in a position helping her get help for and if that happens you might be able to R with your wife... but none of that can happen until you find out what really happened.


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## Wacco

Yes I did but they really can't remember much. Point is she deleted everything and forgot some on immo that's why am aware of the situation. She was shocked when I brought it up but still denies anything happened. She still can't give a reason why she deleted their messages. Even found out she had a group for chatting just for the two of them with their first abréviations. All messages deleted. I asked her the other day why she loved me and she couldn't give an answer. She had to think for a while then said because I was a caring husband....lol. 
Worst part is the first time I saw the French number she laughed and said it was just a childhood friend and he wasn't even her type and would never date that kind of person if she was single. At that time I only saw a number and no picture. Turns out they spent lots of time on the phone on what's app , messenger and even FaceTime and he called her as early as 8 am when she would be at work and all the time she had miss calls from him was late evenings when I would be home. I really need courage to move on and not use the kids as excuses.
Was even thinking of talking to her friend in France and plead with her to tell me the truth for the sake of the kids but I think she would support her and deny it. My wife admitted her friend knew she was going out to eat with the guy and when she asked her if she knew what she was doing she replied that it was just to eat and nothing more. Should I confront her and plead with her ???


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## Wacco

The kids said nobody came home to pick her up. I tried texting the guy and he replied hello baby and he said the week that she spent In france was a wonderful and I asked home what part was most memorable for him but he got suspicious and said he wouldn't say anything unless he confirmed it was her. He wanted me to call him for a second just to hear the voice. I finally got pissed and called him and he denied everything and said when he talked to her he didn't know she was married because it was a long time ago since they saw each other so they talked like childhood friends. I asked him why text her saying MISSING YOU. He couldn't say anything concrete to me. He said I have to understand we all men and do things sometimes like that......Said he loved me


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## straightshooter

Wacco said:


> Yes I did but they really can't remember much. Point is she deleted everything and forgot some on immo that's why am aware of the situation. She was shocked when I brought it up but still denies anything happened. She still can't give a reason why she deleted their messages. Even found out she had a group for chatting just for the two of them with their first abréviations. All messages deleted. I asked her the other day why she loved me and she couldn't give an answer. She had to think for a while then said because I was a caring husband....lol.
> Worst part is the first time I saw the French number she laughed and said it was just a childhood friend and he wasn't even her type and would never date that kind of person if she was single. At that time I only saw a number and no picture. Turns out they spent lots of time on the phone on what's app , messenger and even FaceTime and he called her as early as 8 am when she would be at work and all the time she had miss calls from him was late evenings when I would be home. I really need courage to move on and not use the kids as excuses.
> Was even thinking of talking to her friend in France and plead with her to tell me the truth for the sake of the kids but I think she would support her and deny it. My wife admitted her friend knew she was going out to eat with the guy and when she asked her if she knew what she was doing she replied that it was just to eat and nothing more. Should I confront her and plead with her ???



Wacco,

Nothing here that you cannot confirm with a polygraph. You need the truth. 
AND DO NOT CALL HER FRIEND OR BEG FOR ANYTHING . That is the worst possible thing. And since her OM now is on to you, you better be looking for another app on her phone. You also should put a VAR in her car because you can bet your ass that this guy has tried to contact her to see if it was her.


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## jb02157

Wacco said:


> T I asked him why text her saying MISSING YOU. He couldn't say anything concrete to me. He said I have to understand we all men and do things sometimes like that......Said he loved me


...but he didn't know she was married?? Sounds like a douche to me. She's making the wrong choice.


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## Wacco

Now she wants to move with me and the kids to the states but needs me to assure her that's not a plan by me to get there and while at my mums then I terminate things. I asked her if you really didn't do anything then why are you worried and she replied because she can see that I don't believe her because I used to post things in Facebook that reflected to her and she didn't like that. She said she didn't want to go on if I can't trust her and later after a few years or months I want to break up. Said she will regret it a lot if I leave now and will never forgive herself but will understand than I do it after a while . I get myself really believing her you know because the woman I knew ten years ago never spoke to strangers not even a hello when someone passing by said hi. People even complained that she was too proud because she wouldn't make conversation with them because like she said my friends were not necessarily her friends. She says she only ate with him cause she knew him before and nothing happened. I have to believe her and we move along or we stop now.
Am thinking giving her the condition that we will move to the states together but once there she will do the polygraph test if not we have to go our separate ways. Please I need ideas.


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## Lostinthought61

I actually like your idea...


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## Sparta

OP you know her making a comment just about wanting to move to America with you, she just admitted her guilt. That is reason why she's worried about it because she knows you talk to him. Either he got a hold of your wife, or he told her friend the she supposedly stayed with in France. Then the friend past that information back to your wife.! If there's anyway you check her phone bill. That right there will give you a little proof. Stay vigilant but keep quiet don't let her think you're still checking on her.


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## Wacco

Thanks for the idea . Will check to see how frequently she spoke to that friend since I found out. Says she hasn't spoken to her in a while. Guess the phone bill will prove that. But if it's what's app I don't think you get to see it on the phone bill. I can also ask her to call her friend to say hello because she says her friend has been nagging her with messages asking for help with baby names. If she hasn't spoken to her in a while I will know from their conversation.


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## Keke24

Wacco said:


> Thanks for the idea . Will check to see how frequently she spoke to that friend since I found out. Says she hasn't spoken to her in a while. Guess the phone bill will prove that. But if it's what's app I don't think you get to see it on the phone bill. I can also ask her to call her friend to say hello because she says her friend has been nagging her with messages asking for help with baby names. If she hasn't spoken to her in a while I will know from their conversation.



OP, do you have access to her phone? If so, you can get access to the web version of her whatsapp. It won't let you see messages she's deleted but you will see all existing messages, and future ones as they happen in real time.


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## jb02157

Wacco said:


> Am thinking giving her the condition that we will move to the states together but once there she will do the polygraph test if not we have to go our separate ways. Please I need ideas.


If the polygraph will give you assurance that nothing happened then it seems to be a good plan. If it were me I would still be suspicious even she passed the polygraph. If she wants to prove to you that nothing happened, why won't she let you see her phone messages? She's hiding something. You need to find out what it is before continuing the relationship.


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## Keke24

Instructions for logging into her WhatsApp on the pc:

- Open this link on your computer (it will open a page with a QR code): https://web.whatsapp.com/
- Open WhatsApp on her phone (you want to be on the main page, click out the chat if one is open)
- Click the menu tab - not sure what it looks like on her app but on mine it's 3 dots in a vertical line on the top right corner of the screen
- Select WhatsApp Web
A box will pop up with a scanner
- Place the phone in front of the screen so that the phone's camera can scan the QR code
- X out of the menu and return to the home page of the app (or whatever chat she had open)

It's a simple process and takes seconds. Many WhatsApp users are not aware that the App can be accessed on computers. If you would like to log out of her account, you can do so through the webpage. To log back in, you'll have to go through the same steps again. The only way she will know you're logged in is if she happens to go into the menu and clicks on WhatsApp web. It will tell her that she's connected to a computer and it will show the time that you last viewed the app on the pc. Once you log out however, there's no way for her to know that you were on there.


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## straightshooter

Wacco

You do not need ideas. You need the truth and the only way you are going to get it is NOW with a polygraph. if she is not lying she would not be giving you all this crap and excuses about what will happen when and if. 

You are stuck because you will not demand the truth and she is NOT going to tell you and a third party is not as reliable as an indifferent non emotional machine. her stalling and balking stinks of deceit. She should be dragging your ass to an examiner to clear this up once and for all.


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## Wacco

Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions 

1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend 
2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
Now it's love at first sight.
7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids. 

I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc


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## farsidejunky

OP, just assume for a moment that your worst fears are confirmed. What then?


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## Lostinthought61

if she can't answer those questions honestly, how can you ever move on? Are you plan b because it did not work out for her and him? she is clearly frighten...you can't quiet your mind without first getting answers, and understand you may never really know the truth but something is better than nothing and nothing is what you have now. i still like your idea, because and this is what you need to tell her...there is no trust.


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## browser

You need to reframe your way of thinking. 

There will never be answers because she refuses to provide them and there is only one reason for that. 

You need to accept that there has been an affair, and that anything that two people can do with one anther did happen with them and understand that's as close to closure as you are ever going to get. 

Then you need to start taking steps to extricate this woman from your life. If moving back to the states is a better way to get it done, then reassure her you have no plans to break up with her, move to the states and kick her cheating ass to the curb.


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## sokillme

Wacco said:


> Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions
> 
> 1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend
> 2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
> 3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
> 4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
> 5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
> 6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
> Now it's love at first sight.
> 7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids.
> 
> I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc


75% she cheated 99% whatever happened it was inappropriate. The crying is the tip off. You know it you just don't want to accept it. You would be better off accepting at least the part that was inappropriate. Part of your problem is accepting it and staying without doing anything is allowing yourself to be abused and bullied. I mean he is calling your wife baby? You have already let her get away with stuff that compromised your marriage and you know it. It isn't right that she wanted to spend a week with a male friend and you know it, you should have just told her you were done at that point, maybe then you had a chance. You are probably not going to feel better unless you take your power back. Even if you know she is cheating you won't feel better because you were bullied and abused by her. 

Never love anyone enough to allow them to take away your agency in your life. Never love enough to allow yourself to be abused.


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## aine

Wacco said:


> Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions
> 
> 1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend
> 2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
> 3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
> 4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
> 5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
> 6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
> Now it's love at first sight.
> 7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids.
> 
> I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc


Sorry Wacco but there are so many red flags here it's definite she cheated on you. The crying after making love is a sign of her guilt and conflict. You already know the answer in your gut.


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## Spicy

I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. It's so hard to know there has been cheating, but no clue on extent. 

There is no way in the world I would move with her to another country without first having that poly. Even if you have to hop a little flight to do it. 

My gut matches your gut on this one. More happened. She is trying to make you forget through a ton of sex. Technology is such that if you want to cheat, it's so easy. Trust once broken is so very hard to rebuild. It's almost like you suffer from PTSD...things are ok for a little while and then it hits you all over again what wsa done and bam, all the emotions come flooding back in full color.

Don't feel guilty ever about questioning her or doubting her. This only arose because she did something inappropriate (went on a date while a married woman and who knows how much more), and then continued a LDR with him, where they were so familiar with each other he called her 'baby'. GAG!!!!!

I would recommend not making any big life decisions (moving across the world) until you have the poly results or her parking lot confession.


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## Wacco

I think I need to step down and do what's right. Can't move with her and start a new life in the states just to find out after she lied. It will kill me. The problem is I don't know if they have polygraph test in Europe. 

At the end of the day I need to do what's right and that's knowing the truth. If it really happened then I can move on with my life and go through the healing gradually. 

Any ideas how I can go about the polygraph in Europe??? Please I really need to know


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## Evinrude58

You don't need a polygraph. You know. That's why you're so upset.
You KNOW. Geez, it's obvious, BABY.


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## Clay2013

I am sorry your going through this but I think the others are right. You don't need to have her take a Polygraph. She has already shown you what she thinks of your marriage to her. There is a reason he called for her. Its because they have a relationship. I think at this point in time you should change your way of thinking. Its not on you to prove she cheated. Its on her to prove she did not cheat. I would tell her that too. I would tell her if she wants to stay married she will find someone to recover her text. She will pay for her own poly. I would tell her she has very little time to prove it. I would follow that up with a copy of the divorce papers. 

C


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## OnTheRocks

Don't bet your marriage on the results of a polygraph. They are unreliable at best. An experienced liar can easily pass a poly.


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## Andy1001

Wacco said:


> I think I need to step down and do what's right. Can't move with her and start a new life in the states just to find out after she lied. It will kill me. The problem is I don't know if they have polygraph test in Europe.
> 
> At the end of the day I need to do what's right and that's knowing the truth. If it really happened then I can move on with my life and go through the healing gradually.
> 
> Any ideas how I can go about the polygraph in Europe??? Please I really need to know


Polygraph testing is about as useful as palm reading,take it from someone who knows.You may get the so called parking lot confession but that's about it.Another problem you would have is if you are in Belgium as you say,what nationality is your wife and in what language would the test be done.If I remember correctly Dutch would be the most common language spoken but also French and German and you also have the various Flemish dialects.If you are capable of getting angry or upset just by thinking about something,or even if you are just a good liar then you can fool any polygraph.
Do not bring this woman to the US unless you trust her implicitly,she will drag you down with her.


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## Wacco

Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept. 
Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.


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## Clay2013

Wacco said:


> Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept.
> Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
> Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
> If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.


Dr.Fone. 

Check it out. 

C


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## GusPolinski

Wacco said:


> Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.


Yes.

Look into an app (for Mac or PC) called Wondershare Dr. Fone.



Wacco said:


> Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?


Whoa there. Back the f*ck up a bit and you'll realize why this is a horrible idea.


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## Wacco

I know . Was just being paranoid. I am going for the dr fone this weekend. Hopefully nothing comes up


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## bankshot1993

Wacco said:


> Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept.
> Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
> Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
> If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.


On top of everything else that has been said in response to this post I will add 1 last thing.

Parental abduction is still abduction and could land you in jail for a very long time. The plan to just pack up the kids and leave the country with them is not a good idea. It will hurt your wife, your kids, you and everyone's future.


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## Wacco

Hello guys. It's been a while. Sorry for the silence but I have been going through hell for the past months. I have been in and out of the hospital doing therapy twice a week. 
I have degenerating disc on the right side of my back and it's killing me. It's also Sciatica which causes my right leg to go numb and with so much pain at times I even want to cry. Have been been busy with therapy and it's getting better. Now I can even pick up something from the ground without excruciating pain.
As regards my situation at home it's really different now. She's doing her best to prove she loves me and tries to be sweet and not complain. I stayed all this while because of my pain and also because I thought I would forget about it and try to make my marriage better. Unfortunately it's not the case. Am happy at times and then all of a sudden the whole thing comes playing in my mind like a movie and then the questions and sleepless nights will start again for a one or two days. I would torture myself for one or two days and this will happen often.
I spent 150 usd on the Drfone and bought everything needed but when I tried to retrieve lost data from her phone nothing came out from 2015. Just from 2016 and 2017. Nothing from messenger or deleted pictures and messenger was what she used the whole time. I really need closure for this . Is there any other way i can get the infos from her phone even if it will cost me. I just need to know the truth. 
The worst thing about it is she criticizes other girls or women who get caught cheating by their husbands and the story gets out. She claims she can never do that. I said to her that just texting and deleting them is already cheating and that cheating starts with a conversation. She did all that and for how long nobody knows. Said I only ate once with him but didn't f*ck him. Just stayed in contact because he was an old friend I knew from childhood. So why delete the conversations ? Why hide your so genuine relationship ?
Is there any other means out there to strip her phone and get every information I need. Someone please help me


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## stixx

Wacco said:


> Just stayed in contact because he was an old friend I knew from childhood. So why delete the conversations ? Why hide your so genuine relationship ?


There could be things she doesn't want you to see that have nothing to do with cheating such as her complaining about you and things she doesn't like about the relationship maybe she was or is considering divorce that sort of thing.


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