# Learning to be Patient



## vwzach182

A month ago my fiance told me she wanted to break up. I have a thread in the divorce/separation forum that details my story if anyone wants to give it a read. We own a house and have a beautiful 1year old daughter. 

We have thankfully reached a new point in our relationship but there is a lot of pressure right now and I NEED to make sure I do everything the right way. She is now open to the idea of working things out slowly. Ive been thinking a lot in the last month about everything and I now realize that change is a good thing. Things weren't good for either of us and I'm actually really happy in a way that this happened. I no longer want things to go back to how it was. I want something completely new and better. About a week ago she really shifted her view on it too. She is happy to see me now when I get home. We both have been really enjoying our time together and she has told me that too. Today we both talked about how we are feeling and some of it made me feel a lot better and some of it made me feel really hurt and scared even though it shouldn't have. 
She has been sleeping in the spare bedroom, she has it set up really nicely and is happy there. She says she can't sleep alone in our room and that she can't sleep near me on the other couch because it's too uncomfortable sleeping on a couch. We have started to give each other one kiss every morning and it means the world to me because I never thought we would again. We have been eating dinner together and on the weekends we have been doing fun trips with our daughter. Right now is a very crucial time because I NEED to make sure I don't push her away again. I NEED help to make sure I don't rush her or make her feel trapped which was the whole problem to begin with. She asked if we could just try to reassess things once a month and see where we are at each month and I got scared and told her that seemed like a really long time. I need to be more patient or I will send her running again. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to do a better job with making sure that she is comfortable with everything?
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## vwzach182

She is still unsure about what she wants. She is having a hard time trusting that things will stay good the way it's been this week.
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## mjedw1

Tomorrow will be three months to the day that my wife packed her bags and left. On Friday we met for a few drinks and I felt there may be some chance that she is amenable to working things out. She has noticed changes I have made and she is feeling quite lonely herself. She days that she needs to work out whether the loneliness is simply because she's alone or if it's for me.

However tonight I went to her house to transfer things off our old computer and it was clearly too much too soon. She clearly needs more time and space. All we can do is be patient. Work on ourselves and trust that they will do the work they need to be able to return.

Best of luck with your journey. I wish we we didn't have to do it but we will.be better for it.
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## vwzach182

Thank you, best of luck to you too. It can be very difficult to not want to take a mile every time she gives an inch. I am happier about myself lately for the most part and I think that it is definitely having a positive impact.
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## gssteve

hey thats great on your part that you are being patient and not letting your emotions control your actions. I am in the same boat where my fiance wanted separation. Its been about 3 months going on 4. Keep making the positive changes!


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## This is me

Patience is the key. Learning the 180 even if things are improving and using some of the points helps. At least it worked for me. A good pro marriage counselor helped us also.

Best wishes!


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## InOverMyHeart

I can appreciate your post. Stay prayerful. Patience is not easy, but it is worth every drudging step. Something I continuously have to keep in mind is: this is not only about me. This is about the both of us, we committed our lives to each other. No, I haven't been perfect and neither has he, but we are at least communicating in a way that we hadn't before. So I am thankful for that. I now understand what he meant when he called me his best friend. Before I could not fathom what he spoke of. It is absolutely essential for us to be best friends. 

I had to learn that and so many other things. Patience gave me the time to gather and open myself to realizations. And I am so glad!

Endure, pray and endure some more.


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## hopeforbetter

At least she is trying. She is still at home and wanting to reassess means shes hoping as well that things might change. So just keep making the change. My H is still at home but his only hope, wish and desire is to leave is what he said. His mind is set that there is no love and that it can't come back. Its hard, because Im the only one trying and hoping.


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## Ryan2711

if you love something let it go if it comes back to you its yours if it doesn't it never was.


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## Ryan2711

hopeforbetter said:


> At least she is trying. She is still at home and wanting to reassess means shes hoping as well that things might change. So just keep making the change. My H is still at home but his only hope, wish and desire is to leave is what he said. His mind is set that there is no love and that it can't come back. Its hard, because Im the only one trying and hoping.


there is no point trying it makes you feel rejected, all you can do is let him go and focus on yourself and hope that they realize that you are a good person and come back to you. that's what im doing anyway.


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## mjedw1

Wife visited the house today to talk about meetings she has had with real estate agents. It was so comfortable being around her, we really get along like great friends. Managed today to keep that patience though. In two hours I didnt bring up the issue of us. Whether it will be helpful who knows. All I can do is keep the faith.
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## popit7

Hey mate best wishes to u. Im currently separated from my wife. My mistake was givin her too much attention and care. Even tho this is a great thing, for a girl this is actually smothering. We see it differently as guys because to us this feels right. To give her attention and care and protect her from everything. If u have done any one of these things then mate, just back off. I mean that in the most sincere way. I learned the hard way. U need to let her make mistakes. She knows ur always gana be there for her, so what u need to do is back off and make her feel like she needs u rather than know ur there. This, in my opinion, makes her realise why she picked u instead of another guy. And will keep her close to u. Both physically and emotionally. I hope that made sense. Sorry if it doesnt. I have a problem explaining everything as english is not my first language. But if u do then ul understand. And yes patience is crucial. No matter how u feel. My situation is still not making progress either but im trying to work on myself and my own issues before our marriage. Once ive sorted that out then hopefully she will see that my changes are truly for the better and not just to get her back. Even tho thats the main goal. So good luck. There is a lot of people on this forum that has gone thru the worst and taking their advice is the best thing u can do right now


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