# Need some good advice!



## can'tgetitright (Apr 20, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum, but I am in desparate need of advice, so here goes.

I've been married almost 3 years and we've been together for almost 5. Since we got married, I've been talking about leaving to other people because I feel alone, unappreciated, and unhappy. We have our moments when we are happy, but they are far outweighed by the fights and general indifference. 

We have talked about a separation several times, but never actually do it. I'm not all that attracted to him anymore and his constant request for sex just drives me up a wall when he doesn't want to show me affection any other time than that and even then its not really affection...just sex. 

He works a full time job and I am on unemployment and running my own slow business while taking care of our two kids. Did I mention we live with his parents and his brother and soon to be sister in law? I know things can't get better unless we move, but he blames me not working for our not getting out of here. He is a shift manager only making 8.90 an hour and will be stuck at that rate for another year. He wants out of the job but won't put in applications...in fact I am the one who got him that job because I put them in for him. 

I love to sing, paint, crochet, draw, and am a photographer, but he does not appreciate or support any of my hobbies. He never wants to come with me and hear me sing, hates crochet, and tells me my work is "ok". When he comes home from work most nights he gets right on his computer and plays an online game which he pays for instead of watching or playing with the children. Once they go to bed, which is one of the only times I have to do my work, he complains that I don't spend time with him and just want to do my "work". 

When he is home he will spank the kids and has a very short fuse where our toddler is concerned. When I am home with them they hardly ever act out. He hates my parents and always wants to leave my parents house as early as possible when we take the children to visit which is not fair to my parents who only get to see them maybe once a month.

I have brought up my concerns to him many times and each time he will change his ways for a week or so then he goes right back to his old ways. I have lost my self esteem, am unhappy and tired most days, and can't stop thinking about moving back to my home town.

I feel like if I decide to leave I would be being selfish by taking the kids away from a place where they are happy and cared for. I am also scared of how he would react. He has a very short temper...he has never hit me out of anger, but has come close several times.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

It doesn't sound good to me all the way around, sorry. 

If you do not want to work on things and are about sure he doesn't, then you do need to break from this now. I will tell you from personal experience do not stay involved with someone who is a blamer. You said he blames you for not being able to get out of his parents house. Well, even though he works which is good, his income per hour wouldn't get either of you far at all. 

What does he expect if you're taking care of two small kids? Are you currently looking for work? if you got a job would his folks be able to look after the kids? Being a blamer, having a short temper, wanting sex alot without showing you love, appreciation and affection, its just all a recipe for disaster.


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## can'tgetitright (Apr 20, 2011)

I'm not even sure it's worth working on if I feel awful all the time...he is just so immature about so many things even though we have kids. If I catch him on the right day he'd want to work on things, on a different day he wouldn't care...see why i don't know what to do...

I got him a new job as a shift manager at sheetz which was guaranteed 3 dollars more per hour in 6 months and he decided he didn't like it and went back to where he is now. 

I am seeking a part time morning job or even full time if I can get a regular shift with weekends off for my photography, but for it to be worth it for me to work I need to make a lot per hour otherwise I'll be working to pay childcare and that doesn't make sense either. His parents and brother and fiancee all have full time jobs so none of them could watch the kids...

He doesn't see a problem with the way he is...i just don't know how much longer I can take it.


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