# Separated, looking like it may be a divorce



## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

OK, here is the quick version of why I am separated, it all comes down to $200 that used to pay some bills, and didn't tell my wife, when she realized the money was out of the account, she went crazy, it scared me, I lied, and denied it, then eventually told her the truth, and now I am a liar and a thief. 

We have been separated going on a month, and I still devastated. I love my wife, and want nothing more than have her in my life. Though she does not want to see me, and I haven't seen her in almost 3 weeks. I talk with her on the phone once in awhile and get a text or two, but whenever I do she angry and yells at me tells me how screwed up I am. I usually remain civil, and calm and just let her vent. 

When this all started we had a marriage counselor appointment, but she refused to go. I love my wife, and she broke my heart. I want to see her so bad, and hold her, but all she ends up saying is leave me alone, and don't contact me. 

I feel this is more to this break up than the $200 but I am at a loss to how we can end a marriage over this. 

When I do talk to her, she always tells me there is no hope, we are over, and to move on. Again this has only been about a month. Is it really possible for someone to be so certain is such a short period of time? Although when she says it she yells it, and has no once said it in a calm civilized matter. So part of me thinks she is still angry and making rash decisions. We are both in are late 30's so we're not kids anymore. When I press the issue of reconciliation, she says no, I want to divorce you. Again when she is angry. 

Is this normal? I miss her so much, and every thought from morning to night is of my wife, what can I do, I know wait, but part of me still has hope, even though she has told me there is no hope.

Has anyone experienced this, have any advice or thoughts on this??? Would be much appreciated, thanks!


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## Flame (Sep 11, 2009)

Hi SouthTexas,
From my perspective only, it sounds like there are other issues besides the $200. Maybe she has been unhappy for awhile, maybe even tried to tell you, and you didn't listen? Maybe the money was just the final straw. I can tell you in my situation I had an EA and only then did my H care about me - the first time I had seen passion about how he felt about me in years. This in turn made me very angry, and every time we dealt with each other, even if he was being nice, I would get angry. 

This may not be your situation, but just something to think about. I think so many of these posts are helfpul and insightful, so keep posting. I hope it works out for you.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

it really wasn't about the 200 bucks, dude. but you know that deep down. i'm at work i'll be back tonight.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

When you say you got angry, that is exactly what she says, she then tells me she does not want me to tell her I love her and miss her, it breaks my heart, but when we were together, I would tell her I loved her everyday, in the morning, when I got home from work, and before we went to bed, and whenever the time was right in between. She get very hostile, now, what do I do? Is it time to move on, as she says, or is it cause she is angry? Who knows!


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## Flame (Sep 11, 2009)

You don't mention if either of you want to attempt counseling? If she is willing, it may help you uncover what other issues led up to this big blow up. Even if you were telling her every day that you loved her, if there were other issues in the marriage, it probably was as if you never said it. Did you seperate with any groundrules or is she dating someone?


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Flame said:


> You don't mention if either of you want to attempt counseling? If she is willing, it may help you uncover what other issues led up to this big blow up. Even if you were telling her every day that you loved her, if there were other issues in the marriage, it probably was as if you never said it. Did you seperate with any groundrules or is she dating someone?


When this all started I made a appointment for counseling, she refused to go, so I went by myself, and have since hired the therapist as my own to work thru this and fix some of the flaws in my personality that I always wanted to fix. My wife has yet to go see anyone, as she sees this whole thing as my fault. I am the one that need therapy, she says, I am the one that is unstable because I am seeing a therapist. Pretty much everything I do to try and prove to her I am serious about working this through, she finds a reason to turn it around. Again she always talks to me in a aggressive and angry tone, and she knows I am hurting, and keeps at it. When I stand up to her, and say enough, she turns that around as being mean. I don't know what to do.


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## Flame (Sep 11, 2009)

Well I don't like to say it, but it seems like she is only able to move on that quickly in one of two ways: 1) she has been contemplating this for awhile and therefore, she has already accepted it is over, or 2) there is someone else in her life who makes her feel like it is more beneficial to be with them than with you. At least in my case, I tried to cut off all ties with the H when I was having the EA. I felt so guilty and knew I was hurting him, and didn't fully understand why I continued to do so. My solution was to be angry (drive him away - less guilt that way if he gets mad too), and move out so I didn't have to bear seeing him hurt (at the time I thought it was so I could move on). 
I think it is possible that decisions could be made too quickly and self reflection occurs later, often when it is too late. If she doesn't want to attend counseling then she doesn't want to admit something to herself. Bottom line, it took two of you to get to this point. Only one person trying cannot try enough for the both of you. It will be difficult for her to truly move on (if that is what she wants) without looking back at what happened and why, but she has to do that for herself. What is there for you to do, except keep working on yourself like you said you are. That is important and I am doing that too. There are some resources others have recommended on this site (books and such) if you are interested. The thing to keep in mind is if she is having an EA, it could take awhile before she realizes what she is doing.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

I think she has been contemplating this for a while. Now she has it convinced its all my fault and I am the bad guy for ruining our marriage. I there were problems I was not aware, she kept them secret from me. Up until the morning that the whole marraige fell apart she hugged and kissed me and told me she loved me as I was off to work. She even asked what or where we wanted to do for dinner that evening. I thought we were blissful and happy. No worries, then that evening with the $200 the whole world crashed in. 
Do you think she will come around eventually? She has said a lot of nasty things to me that hurt, and for the most part I forgive and forget pretty easily. THough her behavior has been angry consistently these last 3 weeks. Part of me thinks when she calms down however long that takes she may see things differently. She texted me just a short time ago and said she wants me to find her a counselor, since she is on my insurance I can find a decent one for her. Though she was clear it was for herself, and not to hope we are getting back together, cause as she said when she is done she done. She also said that when she makes up her mind, whether its a good or bad decision she never goes back on it. I sometimes find that hard to believe I have seen her wishy washy on several less important issues in the past. Though eventually I will move on, and hope that before I do she decides to make "us" work and try, but as of now she said she has no energy for this, and its too hard. 

Does it seem maybe she is at a point where she may not know what she wants, just by her behavior? or am I grasping at straws and false hope?????


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## Flame (Sep 11, 2009)

Any idea what might have triggered her to begin being angry all the time 3 weeks ago? It is possible she is directing her anger toward you, or those closest to her, because she feels comfortable enough with you to do so. It could be a good thing for her to go to the counselor by herself. If she goes to a good one, she might find out things about herself that she didn't really know, and it could cause her to question some of the possible "rash" decision making.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

I am not sure what triggered everything, when we first separated she wanted space, you hear that a lot around here on these boards. This is something that was new to me, we were together everyday, and it was hard. After a 2 days I would go batty, and want to talk to her that agitated and made it worse. So now its been three weeks and I have not seen her. I have only spoken to her maybe a half dozen times, and there have been a handful of texts. 

For the most part she keep saying there is no hope, she does not want to try, and to move on. Again everytime she says it with hostility and anger. I am at loss, I don't want this divorce, I love my wife, I know I can't make her change her mind. I just don't understand why someone your married to can walk away, its been less than 6 weeks since this all started and it seems she has no remorse. Almost like she has moved on and is getting ready to look for the next best thing, of course, I hope that is not true, its just what I am feeling at the moment.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Well tonight my wife and had a somewhat lengthy discussion about our relationship on the phone, and the briefly thereafter some follow up drama. 

First the conversation. We talked about trust, and why I lied, and about some other small things that she questioned me about, currently my wife is out of town. I told her everything I say I can prove, and will be as transparent as possible. I told her I am taking the approach of radical honesty on every part of our relationship, be truthful about all things good and bad, without exception. She said that would be helpful, and I need to prove to her a few things that she questioned me about, but they are easily provable, and I have the documentation to prove it. 

Next she said, that she does not know if I am the man she wants to have a family with, or the man she wants to be with. She says she knows I am a good man, and she does love me, but it hurts her when I say it to her. Keep in mind, instead of yelling at me she was crying for most of the conversation. She also said she does not know if she has the strength to make this work. This is a big departure from its over, and there is no hope. Though she did say she does not want me to have any false hope. She also told me she wants to see a counselor, to work on her own issues, since I am seeing one to work on mine. She was clear that there is no promise that this marriage can be saved, but at least it will help her sort out what happened, at the least. The conversation with me telling her that I miss her, and her telling me not to say it, cause it hurts to much to hear it. I am not sure but I felt maybe she is reconsidering her rash decisions. There have been some very hurtful things said in both directions I guess over these few weeks, but as I told her it was nothing more than adolescent mudslinging as I call it. I guess I felt there is a glimmer of hope, some possibility we can make this work. I told her it is obvious the relationship we had was not working, look where we are now, but with some work the dynamics will change, and it could be something much more than either of us anticipated.

I sent her a text before we spoke, saying simply this "All things good take some effort, all things great take some work".

Well about 3 hours passed, and apparently she was recieving text messages from someone who knew her, but she didn't know for sure who it was, she 2,000 miles away from where we live and it was from an area code where she is now, now keep in mind, she has alot of friends in this area code, as she used to live there. 

Well, the person that texted her never called her just text, and vice versa, she set up a time to meet this person and they never showed. I had no idea any of this was occuring until she told me about in our conversation this afternoon. When she mentioned it I really didn't give it much thought, and sort of pushed it to the back of my mind. Well some people in her family think I was somehow involved, which is ridiculous, one I am in south Texas, and the only phone I have is in my area code. Second, the only people I ever met where she is, is her family. 

Well anyways, the person was a now show, but apparently did call her, to cancel, there meeting. I have no idea what this was all about, and honestly am still a bit confused. It all seems like something a teenager would do, rather someone pushing 40.

She send me a text, telling me I am sick, again I have no idea what the heck she talking about. Well I end up calling her. Telling her she is being ridiculous, and I have no idea what is going on, she eventually says she believes me, and says she will let it go. Though I could tell in her voice there was some hesitation. I am at a loss, I have never heard something so dumb in my life. It makes no sense, to me it sounds like some crazy she met a long time ago heard she was in town, and contacted her, and didn't have the nerve to follow through, that is my take. Though because of recent events, everything is blown up. Apparently from what I gather, the text messages were in the realm of are you married, happily, want to fool around, stuff like that. Again it seems like something high school girls would do. 

Before we hung up, she started to cry, and said she doesn't know if she wants to come back, I assured her she will she has a business here, a life, and a husband that loves and adores her. I assured her that maybe she isn't feeling it right now, but with time and a some effort, things may change. 

Well that's it. I am feeling a little bit more confident, that this may salvageable, not expecting it, but there is a some hope, maybe. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?? Am I looking to much into it. 

My take is instead of being so sure to end it, she is teetering on not sure, and could go either way, which is better than just calling it quits!!!


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

OK I think I am looking into this way more than I should, but last night I talked with my wife, and it was an okay conversation. I expressed my intentions, that I love her, in love with her, all the things I have been saying since this nightmare started.
She replied, that she wants to see her own therapist, to workon herself, and that she does not want to give me false hope, this is a departure from there is no hope, right?

You hear false hope often, what should I expect from false hope, I take it as she is not sure what she wants, while some people tell me that she has made up her mind, and is just using that phrase to assure me that its over. 

How would you take False Hope?????


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

She's visiting her family? Was this trip planned for a while?

I'm just curious if there is someone else. The $200 certainly didn't push her over the edge. And I'm not sure I really believe you that you had/have no idea if there are other issues. What aren't you telling us? What other ways have you broken trust with her?


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

The last few months we both have been working 60-80 hour weeks, she owns a business, I work in health care. In retrospect we had less time for each other. In the beginning of our relationship there was issue, with some of my schooling, she asked me about a particular class that I just recently finished, and I told her I passed it, then a week later when I got the report card, I didn't, but honestly at the time I thought I did. I was to embarrassed to to admit to her I failed. it never came up again, and I just let it go. Then I eventually told her, and gave her my reasoning why I didn't tell her, and she called me a liar. I have since retaken the class, passed it, and have progressed in my studies. Maybe its trivial, but since then I have shown her all my school, work related activities, proving to her that I am on the straight and narrow, with the exception of the $200 incident, I have been honest and forthright in all aspects of our marriage.

So how would take False Hope, compared to no hope?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

It depends on what else is going on.

Tell me, what's her background? Has she experienced significant trust breaking with previous boyfriends or friends or her parents? Why is lying such a hot-button for her? And, are you *sure* there isn't more than just this course and the $200? 

I can understand if you're reluctant to admit to something but we're anonymous here as much as you want, that is. 

Any hope is good. But in relationships only one vote sinks the ship so just remember that you can call it a day at any point, too. You're both operating under the same conditions. If she's doing things on her own and you are doing things on your own to work on individual issues, there is hope that it could bring you back together. Just no guarantees, I'm afraid.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Those are the only two things, my wife was previously married, but there was a 10 year gap between or marriage and her last. Turns out her ex was a drug addict, and stole money constantly, from what I understand he ended up going to jail. I don't have a history of lying as regular thing, and when I do the guilt becomes so overbearing, that I always fess up, and deal with the consequences. Looking back it usually occurred to avoid conflict, and not realizing that its worse than the truth. Those were the only two times I ever lied to my wife, about anything.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

OK. You are not him but it is also understandable that she's still traumatized by what happened to her. 

She may see no hope in herself. She may feel that she cannot get over the past and cannot trust you, not because you are inherently untrustworthy, but because you will make mistakes and she knows she can't handle them. 

It'd be nice if she'd say something like that because then you can decide how much you require her to trust you and tell her that you can live without her trust if that's the case. 

It'd be nice if you knew if she were working on her inability to trust/forgive/move on. But even if she were, it is no guarantee.

I wish I could be more positive. There's just no way of knowing. 

Try to stay positive. Pray. Have upbeat conversations with her.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Well tonight I talked with my wife for the first time in 10 days. It was a good conversation, alot of crying. I am however a bit shaken and confused. I asked her if she loves me, and she said yes, and that I will always have a place in her heart. That god has different paths for us now. She said our marriage was great and wonderful and we had so much fun almost everyday. She also said she does not like it when I tell her that I love her and miss her, she says it hurts too much, and makes her angry, but she said she misses and loves me? She also said she cannot work on our marriage anymore, and only wants us both to take separate journeys, and each of us have great lives. She knows how I feel, and she says this has been so hard, and is no picnic for her either, that she cries all the time.

My wife chose this separation, she also said that she wants to file as soon as possible, just to get it over with, she feels she cannot let it linger, it would be easier to move on, and know we had for the most part a great marriage, and leave it at that. 

Part of me thought she was trying to convince herself that she should end our marriage, while a bigger part of thinks she has already with certain resolve decided its over. She says she does not want to see me, as it would be too hard, and there is no reason to. I have not seen her in 7 weeks. I know that if we did, it would be emotional and rough, but I think it would be positive. I really don't know what to make of it, some of her comments are conflicting, some are not, any thoughts?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

You haven't seen her in 7 weeks and she wants it over fast yet 7 weeks is a long time not to move fast. I think she is looking at this in different ways. The only way to truely divorce is when the person leaving has no feelings but she sounds anything but. I think there is still alot there and unresolved. Stick with the seperation. See how time goes. It can take a long time..


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Talked with wife on phone tonight for about an hour. She tells me the reason she wants a divorce is that she is no longer in love with me, and that she has a place in her heart. That she knows for sure that she never wants to be with me, she says she loves me just not in love with me. Four weeks ago she said she still loved me, but there has been some mudslinging, and some hurtful things said in both directions, and to her those are unforgivable. I love my wife dearly, and to hear those words, was like a knife being twisted even deeper.

She says there is no hope, when she is done she done, I asked her is there even the slightest possibility of us again, she said no, at first, but then said if god wants us to be together then its his plan. I am really heartbroken, and still in denial. I told her there are times that loving a person goes in waves, sometimes you feel in love other time just love, but she says if she knows in her heart, that its over. 

If you read my previous post, its a departure from this one. Keep in mind, that my wife refuses to see me, she originally told me she wanted a divorce via a text message. I told her I want to sit down with her, have her look me in the eyes and tell me she doesn't love me anymore, but she refuses, says she said over the phone thats good enough.

I am lost, she did however say we can hold off on filing a few more weeks, another departure from filing this Monday. I need some advice, she is my life, the woman I love more than anyone.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Well I saw my wife for the first time in I think 6-7 weeks, the meeting was brief maybe 15 minutes. We sat down, and she looked me in the eye, and told me without emotion that she wants the divorce, because she is not in love with me anymore. I immediately started to cry, and since we were in public place it was embarrassing to her and to me also. I couldn't believe it. I am still so in love with her, and always thought we would grow old, and were so happy. She also told me to move on, its been almost two months and thats plenty long enough to get over it. 

She also said maybe I should go out and find a girlfriend, maybe that will make this whole thing a bit easier for me. That is the furthest thing from my mind, I only want my wife. She didn't cry at all, she seemed very stoic about the whole thing. When we got up to leave, she have me a half-hearted hug, and said to have a good life and find that person who can give the happiness you want. She also said that once the divorce is final, she doesn't want to keep in touch. 

I am devastated, I love her so much, adored her, and in the end this is what happens. I asked her if there was someone else, and she no. Funny thing is I believe her, and that she doesn't love me anymore. She says that I will always have a place in her heart, but we done forever. 

Now I just have to stop crying, I have been a mess all day, and doesn't seem to get any better, any words of support would be much appreciated.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear this.. She sounded under control with no emotion and it's hard to take that. I am so sorry.. All I can try to do to help is you need to pick yourself up and start to live your life for you. Make some changes to make you happier. See what happens and let her lead the divorce. Don't fight it but don't push it. My heart goes out to you.. Hang in there..


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I know it sooooo difficult. How heartless that she tells you this in a public place. MY H serves our divorce papers in a coffee shop. JERK!

I keep thinking that she has someone on the side. As quick as she is going...what does your gut tell you?


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

I know the cold hearted no emotion thing is the worst. The fact that we haven't seen each other in weeks and then she just looks me in the eyes without concern and rambles probably the most devastating thing anyone has ever said to me. 

I can't change her mind, I am starting to think she is narcissistic how else can someone behave this way?? I love her and forgive her fall many of the horrible things she said to me over the last several weeks, cause I know much of it was in anger. 

Moving on is scary, but I guess this is god's plan right now. I am heart broken, and scattered, but I know someday she will realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and hopefully she have remorse for what she has done.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

OK, things have become a mess. I recently been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (bone marrow cancer). I am staged at 2 near 3. I have been told that it is not curable, but with treatment they can prolong my life maybe by a few years. 

I can say the timing is awful. I did not want my wife to find out, at least not right away. I saw her last weekend at Walmart, and she was nasty, aggressive and said some hurtful things. She did not know, as I only found out last week. I have told only a handful of people, that I trust. I am sort of at a loss, I am feeling miserable since I love my wife so much, and do not understand the level and anger, she has towards me she says she hates me. Well earlier this week, she heard from someone that I am ill. I talked with her briefly on the phone Monday, and I am not going to lie to her and told her what I have, and the treatment and prognosis. 

I did not want this to become an issue. What she said probably is worse than finding out that my years are numbered. My wife said to me she never wants to talk to me ever again, and even when I succumb to the disease she does not want to know, she has no love for me as a wife, a friend, or as another human being. This next part is the part that really hurt. She told me that she knows I love her so much, and maybe I should skip the treatment, and let the disease take me as soon as possible, that way I won't have to be heartbroken that long, and I just can move on, and be with those people that love me in heaven.

I was dumbfounded, and started crying, that is one of the most awful things I ever could of imagined. I became numb, and threw a bunch of stuff in my truck and left the area, I am now 400 miles away, and feel like I need to go farther, thinking I might drive to west coast, stay with friends for a few days. Is it normal to get up and just go? I feel I am a bit erratic, but considering what my wife said, it hurt worse than anything I could of ever imagined. I am not one just to pack up and leave, but the stress and emotional abuse has broken me, I will return and start my treatment in a week or two, but this is so unlike me to pack up and leave. What should I do? I love her still and so disappointed, and devastated on so many different levels.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

OMG. I can't believe the pain that you are enduring. Your heart is hurting and you are physically in jeapardy and your wife is rubbing it in your nose. What kind of human being is your wife? It blows me away that amount of evil this woman has in her heart. 

There is NOTHING wrong with packing your bags and visiting others..the spur of the moment. You take your time and come back for your treatments. 

Know that this woman is damaged. It's not your fault and there is nothing that you could have done. No contact with her...let her go. She is toxic and evil. 

We are here for you. Keep writing and tell your story. It's sad but you can use your years to find/give happiness!!!


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

I started to drive today and made it all the way to El Paso, thats a long ways, I forget this is such a big state. I did alot of thinking, and I am relatively still young, 39. I talked with my Oncologist on the phone during my journey. Basically he laid it out like this. I have Multiple Myeloma (which I know), one thing I didn't share on this site but will now, it has spread from by bone marrow. I knew this when I met with the docs last week. It is also in my lymph system, and has spread into my lungs, and there is speculation that my kidneys are affected. 

The treatment options are not very good, and even if they are successful with keeping me here a bit longer, by quality of life will greatly diminish, I will no longer be independent. This is alot to take in. The suggestion of the doctor, was this. This type of cancer in incurable, more so when it has spread and the stage I am in. If I was stage one, maybe treatment would be a more viable consideration. Though from what I gathered, the best course of action now is to make me comfortable, and keep the pain meds readily available.

Now let's get to my wife, she called only about an hour ago, right before she sent me a pic message of her sitting on the lap of another man. With the caption "He'll be here when your long gone". Then she called, and I reluctantly picked up the phone. Well the conversation was brief, and didn't tell her too many details, but she said this, "I hate you, and when you die I will probably smile, that your forever out of my life". 

I know I should be angry, and part of me is. Though this is the woman I married, wanted to be with forever, and now this. Even on a human level, there is no compassion, nothing. I am fearful that the stress of divorce, and her awful behavior, is only expediting the my disease. The doctor said that stress, especially what is happening right now is not a good thing. I try and be strong, and not let it bother me, but it does, I still cry every night, missing her. Wondering how this all happened. 

Wondering where the woman I married went too. I still forgive her for all the nasty things she has said, and would let it all go. I love my wife, and I am going to keep that. If I only live another 6 months that is something no one can take away. Just gotta keep positive and be strong. Easier said than done.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

She's evil! Don't answer or receive any messages from her. 

She's sick as hell. 

It's good that you are on the road and finding something to do during this difficult time. Yes, TEXAS is huge to cross. I live here and it's takes me a day to get out of the state. I see you are also from S. Texas!

Do you have family that is supportive? Stick with only positive people in your life. I can't imagine going through this and a relationship crisis. I'll say my prayers for you.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

All of my family is from the Midwest, unfortunately my father is very ill and he can't take much stress, so I dumbed it down for him. My Mother died 20 years ago, and I have one sister who is married but we're not very close. So other than a few close friends scattered across the country I winging this on my own. We move the Rio Grande Valley a year ago, from California. Long story, not really relevant, so I will skip it. 

Once we separated, all the friends I had were mutual friends of hers, and she quickly turned them away from me. I guess they weren't friends, but being in my 30's I thought most people weren't like that, but the "Valley" is much different than the rest of the country. 

I have to believe, that in her heart she doesn't mean those things, but they still hurt to hear them. I am the type of guy that forgives very easily, I believe in the idea, that sometimes people do bad things, or say bad things, but they are not bad people at the core.

Though right now with my wife, I am not sure if that motto is something I can apply. I try, cause I have to forgive, and when my time comes, I want to be clear of any resentment and hostility. She hurt me more than anyone I have ever known, and it just doesn't stop. I have changed my number three times since Monday, and she keeps getting the new number, not sure how, I was careful that only a few people have it, and none of them are on the side of my wife. I think she knows someone at sprint (my wireless carrier). 

I will be honest, I am very scared, and afraid of the road ahead, and where my life will lead. I want to make the most of it, see some of my closest friends while I can enjoy company without sympathy. I have many things to decide for myself in the coming weeks. The issues with my wife make it more distracting and difficult. 

I love most people, and I try my hardest to always do the right thing. Sometimes I slip and make mistakes, and I understand my faults, and try and fix them to the best of my ability. I work in nursing-pediatrics, and loved my job. Though I know I won't be able to do that much longer. 

There is a lot of loss in my life right now. I have to get to the place in my head soon, where I can look at all that I have gained, does that make any sense??


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Just do what you can and keep those positive people around you. Reach out to friends and tell them what is happening in your life. Go out if you feel like it. 

It's great that you are a forgiving person and that will take you far. However, don't mistake forgiveness as forgetting. You still need to protect yourself the best way that you can. 

You relationship with your wife is dead. You are grieving that and a loss of your health. You will have down, solemn days. 

I know the "valley" my grandparents lived in LaFeria for almost 50 years! It's sloooow down there huh? 

Have you thought of MD Anderson for any treatments of studies that you can be involved in. I had a friend that was doing poorly with leukemia. He got involved in one of their studies. We didn't think he'd make it-prognosis was grim. It's been over 8 years now and he's alive and well. I know your is different. Maybe a 2nd opinion. 

Try to enjoy what you can.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Well, I decided to return to the valley, take care of a few things, and get my bearings. My wife is incessant telling people that I deserved this. I caused it, my illness, our failing marriage. Though I think most reasonable people would see her for what she is, heartless, cold, and downright mean. But in light of all that I still love her....go figure.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Good luck and enjoy your time. Enjoy each day and do somethings you always wanted too..


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You can love the person that she was during your marriage...not the person that she is. Stay away from all of the negativity and enjoy what you can.


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## SouthTexas (Aug 18, 2009)

Well, I heard from the wife, she called, and she said another nasty comment, why I answer I don't know, but if I don't she will text me over and over again. This is what she said, she said its obvious God is punishing me for all the mistakes I have made in life, and I deserve to cancer. 

It is sick, heartless, and cold. How can anyone treat another person like that? Married or not, angry or happy, I couldn't there is always compassion towards another, isn't there? I am at a loss, what happened to the woman I married, where did she go?


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

we all feel pain when someone we love hurts us sooooo bad. I feel for you. I thought my situation was bad till I read your. I still have my health I think. Headed to the dr. first thing my bp is sky high right now and if I don't do something I will most likely have a stroke.
Just a thought, maybe she is saying these things because she does not want to feel bad for you. Maybe she does not want to admit she still had some feelings. What my wife did to me today is unforgivable yet she says she does not want to hurt me. So people act really strange when bad things happen. Hang in there brother.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I don't care what reason she is doing and saying these things.

Do what you can. Change your phone number. Allowing her to reach out in this way...is destructive and abusive to you. 

You need to set your boundaries with her. You don't deserve this.

Somehow, I wonder if you are thinking that you do?


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