# Don't know what to do!!!



## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

Hello,

I've been married for 1 and 1/2 now and things that I thought would change or go away have gotten worse. Since we have gotten married, I've cooked every meal, does 90% of the house cleaning, take care of the pets, pay for 90% of household expenses and yet I get no appreciation, no respect, and my wife's ability to be controlling is overwhelming. She hates my family, has denouced her faith, and I can count on my fingers how much intimacy has happened since we've been married. I have consulted our Christian life counciler but he didn't see much to be able to do. A while back my wife's father was diagnosed with cancer and because of the type he may not be able to work and my wife has assumed that we will move in witht them to help support them and then once they sell their house would move 800 miles away to where they are from and I am close to my family here. I have a wonderful job and I feel like if this ends in divorce, and I am 800 miles away I'm screwed because I would be out of my great job and away from anybody I know. Please give advice!!!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Stop cooking and cleaning and tell her that there's no way in Hell you're moving anywhere. 

I know, you read this and you're thinking 'why didn't I think of this myself?"

That won't solve all your problems, that's for sure, but it's a step in the right direction.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Why do you do most of the shared duties? 

Did it start out that way? 

You're not going to get much respect if you don't stand up for what you want out of life. Not setting a boundary where she needs to join in, won't get you respect from her either. It just makes you look weak and then pathetic. You don't see those qualities as attractive, do you?


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## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

The only issue is, if I don't do the household work or cook, then it doesn't get done and we don't eat! I try to stand up for myself, but with her dad having cancer, she gives me a guilt trip. Also I failed to mention, that she has taken away my hobbies, one of which I do with my father. Also, she wanted us to really concentrate to pay off our debt by the end of the year, so I tighten up on my expenses (namely my hobby, which isn't that expensive) yet the next month she buys a $300 watch because it was a steal deal, and also I constantly see clothing packages in the mailbox when I come home from work. She takes too many sick days and she's not really sick and she is talking about cutting back her hours. She has worked at 4 different jobs since we have been married and she finds some reason to quit or get fired from those jobs and now she got her "dream" job and I'm afraid she's going to screw that one up too.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Why is she in charge of your life? Can't you do your hobby? Can't you return the stuff she buys and get a refund? Can't you buy take-out food just for yourself?

You badly need to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover.

A pathologically Nice guy who marries a controlling woman always results in lifelong unhappiness for the man.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Jimmy, 

I second Thor's reading suggestion. I believe it will be of help and give you much insight into your dilemma. Here it is, No More Mr Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover. Do not be put off by the title. Give it a read, then let us know what you think about it to relating to your situation. 

Best


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Jimmy2004 said:


> The only issue is, if I don't do the household work or cook, then it doesn't get done and we don't eat! I try to stand up for myself, but with her dad having cancer, she gives me a guilt trip. Also I failed to mention, that she has taken away my hobbies, one of which I do with my father. Also, she wanted us to really concentrate to pay off our debt by the end of the year, so I tighten up on my expenses (namely my hobby, which isn't that expensive) yet the next month she buys a $300 watch because it was a steal deal, and also I constantly see clothing packages in the mailbox when I come home from work. She takes too many sick days and she's not really sick and she is talking about cutting back her hours. She has worked at 4 different jobs since we have been married and she finds some reason to quit or get fired from those jobs and now she got her "dream" job and I'm afraid she's going to screw that one up too.



Why the hell did you marry this woman??


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## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

Honestly, I do not know why I did, I guess we are our best in anticipation. I went to website and I check yes to everything on the No more mr nice guy list. I'm ordering this book, along with posting comments on the forum there. I have no self respect and I need to know how to get it back.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

You need to leave this woman. Nothing can change her to the point that your marriage will be good.

In the mean time .... Do not have unprotected sex with this woman?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Jimmy2004 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I've been married for 1 and 1/2 now and things that I thought would change or go away have gotten worse. Since we have gotten married, I've cooked every meal, does 90% of the house cleaning, take care of the pets, pay for 90% of household expenses and yet I get no appreciation, no respect, and my wife's ability to be controlling is overwhelming. She hates my family, has denouced her faith, and I can count on my fingers how much intimacy has happened since we've been married. I have consulted our Christian life counciler but he didn't see much to be able to do. A while back my wife's father was diagnosed with cancer and because of the type he may not be able to work and my wife has assumed that we will move in witht them to help support them and then once they sell their house would move 800 miles away to where they are from and I am close to my family here. I have a wonderful job and I feel like if this ends in divorce, and I am 800 miles away I'm screwed because I would be out of my great job and away from anybody I know. Please give advice!!!


The advice will be to man up, to grow a pair. You have balls already, what you need is clarity. This pours out of you as you cannot quite believe it, however, it happens and it is not that unusual. You know this, which is why you are on the forum considering separation.

There are a few issues here. If the woman you married was being your wife, I suspect you would move the 800 miles. If this woman had looked after you and helped when times were tough (it probably seems strange to even rean, more men on here take it for granted), you would be happy to help. In her mind, she is dedicated and so whe will not undertand why you do not want to move 800 miles, after all, you are married. 

She has a point. The reason you are not willing to move is because you know she is not commited to the marriage, even though she thinks she is. 

All you can think at this point I imagine is "F off". You are upset you feel like this and come on here to rationalise and let it out. That done (and I could be wrong), you feel you may have misrepresented the situation and remember the caring part of the woman you married that is still there. There is a caring side to her I have no doubt adn the way she acts with you make no sense. The caring part is still there: but get out.

You know the advice, you mind is in turmoil. It will take you time to make the decision, but be in no doubt what the right choice is.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Jimmy, 

Click on the NMMNG link in my last post, its a pdf for you. You can start reading now. 

You're on your way...

Good luck


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Jimmy

*Do whatever you have to do to get your self respect and self esteem back*. Stop paying 90% of the bills and use that money to get YOURSELF help. *Concentrate on ONLY YOU right now and do not let the guilt trips sucker you in anymore*. Your emotional health and a quality of life depend on you getting better.

Your wife will suck the life out of you. Do not let her destroy your life!!!

*You have to get tougher and grow a pair or your life will be ruined.*

Right now you are a door mat!


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## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

Thank you anchorwatch. And a thanks to others, your comments are giving me confidence to know that I'm not alone and that I'm right.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You do realize this is barely out of the honeymoon period. You should be doing it 5 times a week. It aint gonna get better.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

No brainer - get divorced and the quicker the better!!! Only a 1.5 year marriage and no children wow you are lucky move quick brother.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Jimmy2004 said:


> The only issue is, if I don't do the household work or cook, then it doesn't get done and we don't eat! I try to stand up for myself, but with her dad having cancer, she gives me a guilt trip. Also I failed to mention, that she has taken away my hobbies, one of which I do with my father. Also, she wanted us to really concentrate to pay off our debt by the end of the year, so I tighten up on my expenses (namely my hobby, which isn't that expensive) yet the next month she buys a $300 watch because it was a steal deal, and also I constantly see clothing packages in the mailbox when I come home from work. She takes too many sick days and she's not really sick and she is talking about cutting back her hours. She has worked at 4 different jobs since we have been married and she finds some reason to quit or get fired from those jobs and now she got her "dream" job and I'm afraid she's going to screw that one up too.


 Truth be told and sorry to say it but your fault friend, your fault.

If you choose to be your wife's whipping boy and let her rule your life then you got what you wished for.

How about this. For once, just once, say no. I'm not moving 800 miles away. If she tries laying a guilt trip on you then walk away and do something else. 

What's she going to do. Not make supper? Stop cleaning the house? She doesn't do anything so why you keep her around is beyond me.

If she refuses to keep the house clean and make supper, then you should let her know that she's on the fast track back to her parents house because your not putting up with it any more. 

Honestly, you aren't losing anything of value. She's lazy, bossy, no sex and no respect so dump her and move on.


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## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

Update: So I stood up to her this weekend and told her that i was going with my dad to do our shared hobby. She didn't say anything at first, but when I got home she asked me hundred questions and now she mad at me because she doesn't believe me when I told her that we didn't talk about her or her family. So she's mad at me for no reason! I have started reading no more Mr. Nice Guy and starting get it. I don't know how much longer this all is going to last though, may be out sooner than I think!


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

:toast:


Jimmy2004 said:


> Update: So I stood up to her this weekend and told her that i was going with my dad to do our shared hobby. She didn't say anything at first, but when I got home she asked me hundred questions and now she mad at me because she doesn't believe me when I told her that we didn't talk about her or her family. So she's mad at me for no reason! I have started reading no more Mr. Nice Guy and starting get it. I don't know how much longer this all is going to last though, may be out sooner than I think!


I think I'm gonna need some popcorn and:toast:. This thread might get a lil interesting. As miss entitlement gets some 2x4 s :rofl::rofl::rofl:


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