# POLL: Attraction to others during a relationship - acceptable?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious!


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Curious!


Having an attraction is perfectly normal. There are some people so near impossibly attractive that you can't help but be attracted to them 

Acting on it is always wrong, if you are in a committed relationship.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, same, attraction is not voluntary, so there are no "shoulds" about it. 

I'd say the commitment includes doing ones best not to let the third party be aware of it, and if necessary, keeping away from them. Tell your priest but don't tell the third party.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Does your partner share your sentiments? 

Do you also share about your attraction with your partner? 
In the past I found it caused too much drama due to jealousy. Last one I just managed it privately despite otherwise transparency.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Do you also share about your attraction with your partner?
> In the past I found it caused too much drama due to jealousy. Last one I just managed it privately despite otherwise transparency.


(I'm single at the moment)
I think that depends a lot on the couple, but my instinctive reaction is don't tell your partner, what on earth good can that do? It's a bigger version of not swivelling your head as you walk down the street (like that meme).


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> (I'm single at the moment)
> I think that depends a lot on the couple, but my instinctive reaction is don't tell your partner, what on earth good can that do? It's a bigger version of not swivelling your head as you walk down the street (like that meme).


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

jonty30 said:


> View attachment 84158


Hahahahahahhahahah  

Ah when your neck muscles stiffen hahahaaha


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

It's not that they shouldn't be attracted to others, but they should try not to overtly stare, flirt etc., and you can't eliminate your attraction to someone through effort, as they other option suggests. What you can do is act somewhat honorably - avoid the person's company, not tempt fate, and generally act in a way that if your significant other were standing right next to you, you would be comfortable with doing and saying everything you did and said in front of them. 

Even then, there are a lot of ways to be disloyal, I find. For XBF, one of the breaking points for me was when we ran into a girl he had been on a couple of dates with a few years ago before we met. We were in a store holding hands and he saw her, literally threw my hand away and went over to her to say hi. To my mind, not introducing me as his girlfriend, and throwing my hand aside, I almost broke up with him then but stupidly stuck around for another few months.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

joannacroc said:


> literally threw my hand away and went over to her to say hi.


The body tells the truth, as they say


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

If attraction means ‘appreciating, even admiring to the point of desiring them physically’ then No. That’s bad and a problem.

If attraction means ‘appreciating, even admiring beauty but from afar with no desire/fantasy to bed them’ then yes, natural, normal, and within bounds.

I doubt my own post but not sure how to better think about this. Tough question. There is a mental line than can be crossed in my opinion. It probably comes from the biblical definition of adultery but translating that into what I expect in a relationship is tough.

Can we have ‘Don’t ask don’t tell’ as an option?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Acceptable? I would say mostly inevitable.

People are attractive and living any length of time will give most the opportunity to be attracted to someone they are not coupled with.

Mrs. C and I talk about it with each other, commenting. We are people watchers though and watch everybody. She is more visual than me and notices a lot more.

Being attracted to people is as normal as breathing.

Acting like a boob should have been left in everyone's juvenile era though.

Giggling girls and boys sneaking looks is just growing up. Leering men and foolish women aren't quite as endearing.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Humans look. It's normal. Seeing an attractive person in passing & acknowledging their attractiveness in your head is just fine. Ogling & drooling or openly lusting are gross. Pursuing an attractive person for "friendship" is a slippery slope & should be avoided. 

Once someone is in a committed relationship when they find themselves attracted to someone they spend time with, it's best to dial back the time, avoid being alone with the other person & keep whatever interactions must go on strictly limited to the subject at hand: work, kids sports, etc. If it's social only, end it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Does your partner share your sentiments?


Yes.



RandomDude said:


> Do you also share about your attraction with your partner?


Yes although not in every fleeting instance, yet often enough. And my wife also does the same as well. All of which works fine for us.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I'd have a better chance telling you I can control the tides, then I can control attraction for sexy women, lol......and anyone who thinks that this drive( that we are born with), just mysteriously disappears, because we happen to find a person who decides to pair up is just kidding themselves...

Yes, you have to be smart about it and not be an idiot...It will hurt most women if you are overt about it...You have to be cagey...

Now...Having said all this, I have noticed in my time on this earth, that not all guys are the same...Some have strong attraction to the opposite sex, while there are others that have a very lukewarm attraction...It's kind of like some people have a natural appreciation for beauty in nature or art, or some other beautiful creation, while others just don't have that in them...I'd imagine its not much different among women, but I don't have enough life data to comment...

If you are a woman that doesn't want your man looking at or noticing other women, pick the second type of guy...Just be careful what you wish for, because those guys won't notice other women......and may not be "noticing" you all that much either.....


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

To find someone to be attractive as a 3rd person view of some attractiveness criteria, yes.
To feel oneself attracted in a romantic / sexual way to that one, no.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

joannacroc said:


> We were in a store holding hands and he saw her, literally threw my hand away and went over to her to say hi.


Wow, that's definitely break up material. Surprised he even survived!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Finding other humans attractive? Sure. Acting on it? No. Gaping and gawking and making passes in front of your SO? Time for a lawyer.


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## Mr Jim (10 mo ago)

To me, this is part of the boundaries you set on your way to a committed relationship since it comes down to respecting your partner. There is a big difference between admiring or noticing and acting like a teenager. A lot of gray area and each person and relationship is different. Its best to establish that early on and be okay with it. 

My wife would remember for months if I said a woman was pretty and I concluded that since it stuck with her, it bothered her so I would keep it to myself. Even when she would say, she is pretty. I would just mumble uh huh... Even if I thought the same. 

Attraction is normal ..its how you handle it that matters


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Finding other humans attractive? Sure. Acting on it? No. Gaping and gawking and making passes in front of your SO? Time for a lawyer.


Just remember this saying, "You can look at the menu, just don't order"


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No. Gaping and gawking and making passes in front of your SO?


Except when your wife points them out to you and asks if you think they're hot or not, in case you didn't notice them in the first instance.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Personal said:


> *Except when your wife points them out to you and asks if you think they're hot or not,* in case you didn't notice them in the first instance.


That's a trap, btw.,,,,,Don't take the bait...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

hamadryad said:


> That's a trap, btw.,,,,,Don't take the bait...


No really it isn't, she even encourages me to render paintings of other women in person posing nude for me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hell sometimes I look just out of curiosity, not attraction, there was once I saw a woman whose head was very thin yet eyes very far apart. And I was staring, because it's like an optical illusion.

My ex-partner was fuming silently until I turned to her and asked her "have you ever seen a goldfish..."
She interrupted and said "...don't say anything, I know what you're thinking" 

Didn't always end like that though, think I got a stiffer neck from last relationship.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Do you also share about your attraction with your partner?
> In the past I found it caused too much drama due to jealousy. Last one I just managed it privately despite otherwise transparency.


I think the informal rule in our house, unspoken and never negotiated, is that you can express that attraction as long as it is completely unobtainable. I know Chris Hemsworth works for my wife. He's not a threat. I don't care where you stable your pony, that man's a stallion. 

But if it is someone in our circle, it's best not talked about, FTMP. That person could be seen as a legitimate threat, so discussing that attraction comes with a lot more baggage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Cletus said:


> I think the informal rule in our house, unspoken and never negotiated, is that you can express that attraction as long as it is completely unobtainable. I know Chris Hemsworth works for my wife. He's not a threat. I don't care where you stable your pony, that man's a stallion.
> 
> But if it is someone in our circle, it's best not talked about, FTMP. That person could be seen as a legitimate threat, so discussing that attraction comes with a lot more baggage.


Aye, seems to be common that celebrity crushes = OK but not others


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

It's just gonna happen. It's life. The reaction is what makes the difference. Appreciate beauty, move on.

Act a fool, yeah, you're likely to upset your partner. Most people don't appreciate being disrespected like that, especially in public.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Just remember this saying, "You can look at the menu, just don't order"


Well and once it’s clear to me that I am not what you would want to order, I will release you to order whatever you like. I don’t want to be with someone who feels they are settling for me. No one deserves to live like that. If I’m not good enough, go, do better.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well and once it’s clear to me that I am not what you would want to order, I will release you to order whatever you like. I don’t want to be with someone who feels they are settling for me. No one deserves to live like that. If I’m not good enough, go, do better.


The truth is everyone settles. That's life. The important thing is that you have prerequisites met


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> The truth is everyone settles. That's life. The important thing is that you have prerequisites met


Is it settling? Or is it realizing that while that 22 year old stripper might be super hot she’s not going to make you laugh or be reliable or be a good person, so you choose to stay with your wife who isn’t as sexy as that stripper because you’re thinking of the whole package?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Is it settling? Or is it realizing that while that 22 year old stripped might be super hot she’s not going to make you laugh or be reliable or be a good person, so you choose to stay with your wife who isn’t as sexy as that stripper because you’re thinking of the whole package?


Substance always beats out looks, at least for me. I don't care how good a woman looks, if it's torture talking to her or even being around her she is shown the door.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Is it settling? Or is it realizing that while that 22 year old stripped might be super hot she’s not going to make you laugh or be reliable or be a good person, so you choose to stay with your wife who isn’t as sexy as that stripper because you’re thinking of the whole package?


So have the stripper and get a Labrador Retriever.. 😂


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

jonty30 said:


> View attachment 84158


Oh boy!! I haven't turned my head yet, and I'm already dead.😜


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

my wife used to point out sexy people to me, but she doesnt do that much anymore. i still point out people to her though. 

the reason she doesnt point them out to me anymore is because she has come to understand that i am not attracted to people based on looks. i objectively know that someone is attractive, but i typically dont feel attracted to them. i lean very demisexual, so it usually takes quite a while before i feel attracted to someone.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> So have the stripper and get a Labrador Retriever.. 😂


When you view women that way, then sure.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> When you view women that way, then sure.


In my case the retriever would have been more loyal! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm a sucker for nice pairs of legs, especially with heels, even if there's a nice pair next to me. My neck also stiffens with the sound of heels. Thankfully, I'm also quite picky with facial features, so 9/10 times I normally only have to look up and boom, attraction gone 

Doesn't always work though, like super hotties  That's when it takes more discipline, even then... no matter where I work up my appetite I always eat at home. But that isnt enough is it?


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well and once it’s clear to me that I am not what you would want to order, I will release you to order whatever you like. I don’t want to be with someone who feels they are settling for me. No one deserves to live like that. If I’m not good enough, go, do better.


No better answer.
Standing applauses


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> The truth is everyone settles


Not everyone, IMO


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ElOtro said:


> Not everyone, IMO


You are telling me your partner has EVERYTHING that you need, are looking for and provides? That is not possible for any human being.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Is it settling? Or is it realizing that while that 22 year old stripper might be super hot she’s not going to make you laugh or be reliable or be a good person, so you choose to stay with your wife who isn’t as sexy as that stripper because you’re thinking of the whole package?


Or may be because the whole package makes her be more sexy than any other woman?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ElOtro said:


> Or may be because the whole package makes her be more sexy than any other woman?


It has been a relief to me to learn that men sometimes feel this way.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> You are telling me your partner has EVERYTHING that you need, are looking for and provides? That is not possible for any human being.


I´m telling you that the woman that was my partner and the love of my life was all what I needed and even more than I dreamed to be possible before knowing her.
Cancer took her from me some years ago.
She is still the only star in my sky.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ElOtro said:


> I´m telling you that the woman that was my partner and the love of my life was all what I needed and even more than I dreamed to be possible before knowing her.
> Cancer took her from me some years ago.
> She is still the only star in my sky.


So sorry for your loss. ☹ But it has been my experience that one person cannot be all things to another person.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> So sorry for your loss. ☹ But it has been my experience that one person cannot be all things to another person.


Thank you.
So sorry for your experience.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> So sorry for your loss. ☹ But it has been my experience that one person cannot be all things to another person.


I don’t think a spouse is expected to be “all things.” That’s a heavy load to place on someone. It’s about choosing someone and finding the things about them every day (well, most days) that make them the most important person to you.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I don’t think a spouse is expected to be “all things.” That’s a heavy load to place on someone. It’s about choosing someone and finding the things about them every day (well, most days) that make them the most important person to you.


Not "all things".
Yes all what a man may be blessed by having in the woman at his side.
Someones call it love.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s about choosing someone and finding the things about them every day (well, most days) that make them the most important person to you.


Agree


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

To me, my wife is the whole package and more. Even now in her sixties, sometimes when I look at her without her noticing, I get like a current through my body thinking of the day we met, And I can't help but to tell myself: what a lucky bastard to get a woman like that, the whole package. By now I know for a fact that if she were to go before me, I would not care one bit to date again, female friends and companionship, yes, dating/romance, Nill.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ElOtro said:


> Or may be because the whole package makes her be more sexy than any other woman?


Women in my life were the most beautiful and sexy in the world, the last one even universally attractive to everyone. They were not perfect but they were women of quality.

But it never stopped the hormonal reflex. Still takes discipline.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> To me, my wife is the whole package and more. Even now in her sixties, sometimes when I look at her without her noticing, I get like a current through my body thinking of the day we met, And I can't help but to tell myself: what a lucky bastard to get a woman like that, the whole package. By now I know for a fact that if she were to go before me, I would not care one bit to date again, female friends and companionship, yes, dating/romance, Nill.


Standing applauses!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It has been a relief to me to learn that men sometimes feel this way.


Some men, fortunate ones, felt this way all the time, day by day, year by year, with THAT ONE woman.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ElOtro said:


> Some men, fortunate ones, felt this way all the time, day by day, year by year, with THAT ONE woman.


I really, really hope so.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Women in my life were the most beautiful and sexy in the world, the last one even universally attractive to everyone. They were not perfect but they were women of quality.
> 
> But it never stopped the hormonal reflex. Still takes discipline.


No one (reasonable) expects you to not notice. It’s your actions that matter.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No one (reasonable) expects you to not notice. It’s your actions that matter.


And a stiff upper neck it seems.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> And a stiff upper neck it seems.


I have always been so grateful to my husband. He pretends not to notice. It’s kind of him to do that for me.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ElOtro said:


> Some men, fortunate ones, felt this way all the time, day by day, year by year, with THAT ONE woman.


I'm a living proof of that!!!!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> I'm a living proof of that!!!!


We are two.
Exception made that cancer won.
Applauses dear friend
As I know you are doing, count your blessings.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

hamadryad said:


> So have the stripper and get a Labrador Retriever.. 😂


Speaking as a labrador owner, I can say he's a great cuddler, but he hogs the bed, and isn't much of a conversationalist. So maybe I can have my dog, plus someone interesting, kind and principled, who also happens to be attractive?


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Speaking as a labrador owner, I can say he's a great cuddler, but he hogs the bed, and isn't much of a conversationalist. So maybe I can have my dog, plus someone interesting, kind and principled, who also happens to be attractive?


From one owned by a labrador to a labrador owner.
Should be doable.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Fascinating read.

So it normal, you can't control who you're attracted to, Unless you're gay then religious people assume you have a magic on/off switch and somehow made a choice to be gay.

Open relationships are bad. They lead to cheating. You need a good steady marriage with good communication and no secrets... except this... you're not lying you're just not telling your partner because it would hurt them, they'd be jealous, and if they told you then you'd be jealous... So no secrets, but this one, but it's better then a relationship without secrets because that's open?

I'll take the hit. I tell my wife, and she tells me. She chose me. I chose her. Attraction happens, it's there, I remove myself from the situation and first chance I tell her. She does the same. We're not open but we do everything possible not to keep secrets...

Everyone has a type. Everyone has a tell. You can usually recognise the type and if you know your partner you know the tell. You just have to trust that they'll remove themselves, and you do the same. If a woman admits attraction to me, compliments me etc, I'm polite, but I excuse myself as soon as possible and my wife knows as soon as I see her. "No secrets" is exactly that... no secrets...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

crashdawg said:


> ...my wife knows as soon as I see her. "No secrets" is exactly that... no secrets...


Errgh... that was 1-2 hours of interrogation for me (maybe also an additional hour of helping her stalk her supposed 'rival'). After a while I stopped 'reporting' to save time and spend it on more important stuff - like HER! 🤦‍♂️

Bah!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Attraction is normal, yes. Totally! Most humans would have to turn their head and see a good-looking person. Some people think every eye contact or smile means attraction and that they’re pretty special. It’s cheap and you can find it anywhere. Everyone can fall in love with everyone and anyone. It gets old after a certain age that’s not all that old in the scheme of things.

I do wonder about the type of person in a committed relationship that makes it too obvious, that is always telling their partner about a better-looking person. Telling their partner they have feelings for someone else. Telling their partner how many people hit on them. Bit unattractive and weak. I mean if you’re such a magnet and you like getting high on all the sexiness around you, what are you doing with a little mortal like your wife or husband. Doing them a favour? 🙄

Some people aren’t worth a lot and don’t have much to offer, and like to triangulate and keep their other half on their toes. I’m not all that, so you need to know I can have anybody anytime and you better work hard to keep me. Meh yawn yawn.

There is really nothing wrong with staying single and non-committed though, and exploring every single attraction. I have respect for the person that never marries, lives alone and plays the field. Why not enjoy all that beauty. Just don’t pretend to be monogamous in exchange for breeding stock, a cleaner and a roof over your head. Or a pay check.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ElOtro said:


> We are two.
> Exception made that cancer won.
> Applauses dear friend
> As I know you are doing, count your blessings.


So sorry for your loss. Eventually, we all get to go through it sooner or later. The good for for you is that she's there with you deep within your whole being.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Errgh... that was 1-2 hours of interrogation for me (maybe also an additional hour of helping her stalk her supposed 'rival'). After a while I stopped 'reporting' to save time and spend it on more important stuff - like HER! 🤦‍♂️
> 
> Bah!


When we dated I often told my wife that it's a combination of beauty and intelligence that attracts me. Looks matter, in my limited experience people saying otherwise are typically lying. But no matter how amazing they look if they can't hold a conversation I'm checked out in 5 minutes. I'll be polite, but it honestly won't work and won't go further. Initially she thought it was a line. I assume others had said the same.

I took her to a surfing comp by the beach. We took in some art. At some point we went in a hotel lobby (they were doing an open market, posters, boards etc. And I ran into an ex. I was polite and I introduced them. We chatted a bit and exited when we were done. She was furious. Why hadn't I told her about this model. Immediate comments of not being able to compete with that. Called me on saying looks and intelligence. So I asked her to go back in without me and ask my ex about her college fields. She holds dual degrees in Molecular Biology and Chemical Engineering with a focus on Marine Biology and the impacts of pollution on marine wildlife. Boy did I get an apology. A scientist, and swimwear model, and I chose to date and marry the woman of my dreams instead. Talk about a confidence boost...

So yeah I'm honest. I tell her. Because I want her to know I chose her... I always chose her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

crashdawg said:


> When we dated I often told my wife that it's a combination of beauty and intelligence that attracts me. Looks matter, in my limited experience people saying otherwise are typically lying. But no matter how amazing they look if they can't hold a conversation I'm checked out in 5 minutes. I'll be polite, but it honestly won't work and won't go further. Initially she thought it was a line. I assume others had said the same.
> 
> I took her to a surfing comp by the beach. We took in some art. At some point we went in a hotel lobby (they were doing an open market, posters, boards etc. And I ran into an ex. I was polite and I introduced them. We chatted a bit and exited when we were done. She was furious. Why hadn't I told her about this model. Immediate comments of not being able to compete with that. Called me on saying looks and intelligence. So I asked her to go back in without me and ask my ex about her college fields. She holds dual degrees in Molecular Biology and Chemical Engineering with a focus on Marine Biology and the impacts of pollution on marine wildlife. Boy did I get an apology. A scientist, and swimwear model, and I chose to date and marry the woman of my dreams instead. Talk about a confidence boost...
> 
> So yeah I'm honest. I tell her. Because I want her to know I chose her... I always chose her.


Haha yeah, focusing on her does shorten the 'tolerate crazy' time abit, sometimes halves it to only 30mins to 1 hour 
But other times, I just don't want to deal with it - *AT ALL* - and would rather start our time together happy 

Been thinking I should re-evaluate the limits of transparency acceptable to me for future relationships.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> So sorry for your loss. Eventually, we all get to go through it sooner or later. The good for for you is that she's there with you deep within your whole being.


Thank you so much


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well and once it’s clear to me that I am not what you would want to order, I will release you to order whatever you like. I don’t want to be with someone who feels they are settling for me. No one deserves to live like that. If I’m not good enough, go, do better.


I think that YOU are your H's "Specialty of the House" -- doesn't mean he won't peruse the menu every now and again -- and will STILL order the specialty!


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Just remember this saying, "You can look at the menu, just don't order"


I have a friend who says "you can read the brochure, but don't buy the season ticket to the amusement park" 
I think it's normal to find a variety of people attractive and interesting. I agree with what joannacroc said though--the key is that no matter how attracted you are to someone else in the moment, pretend your significant other was standing next to you and behave accordingly.
If my guy says a woman is pretty, I'll probably check her out and offer my own opinion. I'm not a very jealous person though, and I understand that there is a world of difference between "that person is super attractive!" and "I want to be with that person!".


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

crashdawg said:


> A scientist, and swimwear model, and I chose to date and marry the woman of my dreams instead.


Nice humblebrag!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Substance always beats out looks, at least for me. I don't care how good a woman looks, if it's torture talking to her or even being around her she is shown the door.


The ultimate example would be a supermodel with the voice of Hillary Clinton.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> The truth is everyone settles. That's life. The important thing is that you have prerequisites met


Really? I don't think many would agree with you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> The truth is everyone settles. That's life. The important thing is that you have prerequisites met


Yep, I've settled. I'm aware I likely won't own as many cool cars as say Jay Leno or Seinfeld, or have a yacht on every US coast. That's ok.

But I have the lovely and dear W that i exactly wanted.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Cant even watch the weather without getting a stiffy.. 🤓 😂


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

"They should make an effort to not be attracted to others! " 

What does it mean? How can you do this? You cannot control not being attracted to others. You can only control how you act on this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

romantic_dreamer said:


> "They should make an effort to not be attracted to others! "
> 
> What does it mean? How can you do this? You cannot control not being attracted to others. You can only control how you act on this.


Not sure. 
Maybe by avoiding situations like porn, or x rated films?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure.
> Maybe by avoiding situations like porn, or x rated films?


......or the daily newscast??


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

hamadryad said:


> ......or the daily newscast??


Or just living life?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> ......or the daily newscast??


Why?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Or just living life?


Its really not hard to avoid certain things or situations if you need/want to.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Its really not hard to avoid certain things or situations if you need/want to.


You can't avoid seeing other human beings unless you live the life of a recluse/hermit


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Why?


Every newscast weather channel, etc are hosted by usually very attractive women with all the right bumps, wearing outfits that deliberately accentuate those assets. I find myself at times not even paying attention to what they are even talking about but rather how God damned hot they are. Lol

I don't think its all that much different over there.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> You can't avoid seeing other human beings unless you live the life of a recluse/hermit


That's not what I said of course.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> Every newscast weather channel, etc are hosted by usually very attractive women with all the right bumps, wearing outfits that deliberately accentuate those assets. I find myself at times not even paying attention to what they are even talking about but rather how God damned hot they are. Lol
> 
> I don't think its all that much different over there.


Actually most new readers and weather people here dress nicely and generally quite modestly. Men in suits and women in smart clothes.
We dont seem so concerned about having ultra dolled up ladies with tight clothes just to tell us if it's going to rain or not. 😲⛱⛄⛈🌧


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> Nice humblebrag!


Not intentional. I knew her before she modeled. We went to school together. She loved surfing and we clicked over that and many other topics. She was way brighter then me... partial scholarship to a good school. We split before she left, both realists over the odds of an LDR surviving. Modeling paid the bills as she said.

My point is my wife (girlfriend at the time) assumed that "beauty and intelligence" was just a line due to past bad experiences she had had. She literally wrote off everything but looks and became extremely jealous. I asked her to go back, alone, and the realization of how smart that woman was hit home... My wife left realizing it wasn't a line, that I do love her, and that it's equal parts beauty and intelligence that attracts me.

I don't force life. I could have tried to make that relationship work, but the odds weren't there. I met my wife several years later, running into the model at that mini show was pure chance. The model met her husband (another scientist) about a year after that show. They have a couple kids now. But yeah it really reinforced what I'd always told my wife.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Its really not hard to avoid certain things or situations if you need/want to.


It's easy to avoid some situations, much harder to avoid others, especially if it's work-related. This is why honesty and communication are key. Avoid when you can, politely excuse yourself when possible if avoidance isn't an option.

Strictly avoiding things isn't always viable. You have to learn how to bow out as well!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

crashdawg said:


> It's easy to avoid some situations, much harder to avoid others, especially if it's work-related. This is why honesty and communication are key. Avoid when you can, politely excuse yourself when possible if avoidance isn't an option.
> 
> Strictly avoiding things isn't always viable. You have to learn how to bow out as well!


Agreed.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> You can't avoid seeing other human beings unless you live the life of a recluse/hermit


You might see them but you don’t need to make a huge thing of it. I mean, I watched Game of Thrones, Jason Momoa was all shirtless and on a horse. I didn’t drool or make a big show of how hot he was. I saw it. We all saw it. There’s no need for me to mention it. And there’s a huge difference between glancing at a practically naked woman walking by on the beach and chasing her down to see if you can score right in front of your wife.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You might see them but you don’t need to make a huge thing of it. I mean, I watched Game of Thrones, Jason Momoa was all shirtless and on a horse. I didn’t drool or make a big show of how hot he was. I saw it. We all saw it. There’s no need for me to mention it. And there’s a huge difference between glancing at a practically naked woman walking by on the beach and chasing her down to see if you can score right in front of your wife.


While all that is true, if someone isn't secure enough to acknowledge that someone else is attractive when it is obvious they are then isn't that that person's issue


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> While all that is true, if someone isn't secure enough to acknowledge that someone else is attractive when it is obvious they are then isn't that that person's issue


Yes. But what is the point of forcing the issue?

I see the pretty girls. I know they’re there and I know he looks. What exactly would be accomplished by his pointing at one of them and saying “she’s more attractive than you are, she’s young and thin and tan and you aren’t.” What’s the point? What is the advantage of that?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes. But what is the point of forcing the issue?
> 
> I see the pretty girls. I know they’re there and I know he looks. What exactly would be accomplished by his pointing at one of them and saying “she’s more attractive than you are, she’s young and thin and tan and you aren’t.” What’s the point? What is the advantage of that?


Pointing them out would be low class but a little competition is always a good thing


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes. But what is the point of forcing the issue?
> 
> I see the pretty girls. I know they’re there and I know he looks. What exactly would be accomplished by his pointing at one of them and saying *“she’s more attractive than you are, she’s young and thin and tan and you aren’t.”* What’s the point? What is the advantage of that?


There is no point, but the truth is no one does or says this....So why even bother trying to make a point of it?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Pointing them out would be low class but a little competition is always a good thing


I wonder if you think that should go both ways. I also wonder how you think a woman is going to get younger.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You might see them but you don’t need to make a huge thing of it. I mean, I watched Game of Thrones, Jason Momoa was all shirtless and on a horse. I didn’t drool or make a big show of how hot he was. I saw it. We all saw it. There’s no need for me to mention it. And there’s a huge difference between glancing at a practically naked woman walking by on the beach and chasing her down to see if you can score right in front of your wife.


But to roll that into the context of this thread; Is it possible to view a near naked Jason Momoa on Game of Thrones with your husband present and discuss it without him being jealous? Or do both secretly know Jason was a turn on for you but it was kept quiet in some sort of "save the peace" secret?

To me that's the bigger question. Attraction is natural, but is it discussed? Or are partners so insecure that it needs to be suppressed?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I wonder if you think that should go both ways. I also wonder how you think a woman is going to get younger.


It absolutely should go both ways!
My experience shows that people get comfortable and complacent in relationships. They let themselves go and such. If they know that their partners have options they wouldn't be so lazy


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

crashdawg said:


> To me that's the bigger question. Attraction is natural, but is it discussed? Or are partners so insecure that it needs to be suppressed?


I guess what I’m wondering is why does it need to be discussed? What’s the advantage of telling your partner they’re not attractive?


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I guess what I’m wondering is why does it need to be discussed? What’s the advantage of telling your partner they’re not attractive?


 Does discussing it either lead to feelings of being unattractive or spark a fight based on feelings of being unattractive? How is the subject approached and how is it interpreted by the other individual.

Like I said my wife can pick out my "type" from a mile away and I can do the same with her "type". Is it projection? Is it a younger idealized version of self? She loves Thor. I clearly don't have that body anymore (I was NEVER that size but I was more muscular in the past and I do have that height/stature)... but hey she's honest. It's not like an unrealistic comparison to an image I've never even been close to... (In that context I'm reminded of guys being attracted to large chests but actual spouse was always slim and small in that area). If the on screen attraction is relatable to the man sitting next to you I'm not seeing the harm. If it's not relatable that sparks a whole different line of questions!

So again is it comfortable being discussed or does it set off a fight?

We discuss it because it reaffirms who we are. To us it's honest open communication. But that's our dynamic, that's us, not everyone...


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> It absolutely should go both ways!
> My experience shows that people get comfortable and complacent in relationships. They let themselves go and such. If they know that their partners have options they wouldn't be so lazy


I think there's a certain level of comfort in growing old together. I also think people are more active or less active at various stages of their lives. Sometimes there's improvements because of outside factors. Sometimes they internally just want to get back in shape so they start walking.

The key is understanding what your partner needs, and assessing accordingly.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

hamadryad said:


> ......or the daily newscast??


Lol a jealous partner may tell you to google the weather instead


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> So have the stripper and get a Labrador Retriever.. 😂


Wouldn't work. She'd leave the gate open.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Wouldn't work. She'd leave the gate open.


Obviously, because she only knows how to work the pole not the latch.🤣🤣🤣


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Lol a jealous partner may tell you to google the weather instead


There's so many micro climates even in urban areas that you're probably better off with a local app, or at least 2-3 different weather forecasting sources.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

crashdawg said:


> But to roll that into the context of this thread; Is it possible to view a near naked Jason Momoa on Game of Thrones with your husband present and discuss it without him being jealous? Or do both secretly know Jason was a turn on for you but it was kept quiet in some sort of "save the peace" secret?
> 
> To me that's the bigger question. Attraction is natural, but is it discussed? Or are partners so insecure that it needs to be suppressed?


I may see a good looking guy walking by and may think, 'he is a good looking guy' but that's it. I move past, forget about the guy as he means nothing and that's it. Why would I need to talk about it when it means nothing? 
Mr D is s a very secure guy with not a jealous bone in his body, but neither of us had any need to point out random attractive people. Why would we, they mean nothing to us.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Actually most new readers and weather people here dress nicely and generally quite modestly. Men in suits and women in smart clothes.
> We dont seem so concerned about having ultra dolled up ladies with tight clothes just to tell us if it's going to rain or not. 😲⛱⛄⛈🌧


The weather presenter always gets the weather wrong anyway lol

Curious, I've always heard a man in a suit is a woman in a bikini, if true - then when a woman walks into an office full of suits it's like a guy going into a beach full of babes - NOT FAIR!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

crashdawg said:


> There's so many micro climates even in urban areas that you're probably better off with a local app, or at least 2-3 different weather forecasting sources.


Yup, so someone probably isn't watching for the weather


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> It absolutely should go both ways!
> My experience shows that people get comfortable and complacent in relationships. They let themselves go and such. If they know that their partners have options they wouldn't be so lazy


Why would we need to know whether or not we have options? We have no interest in being with anyone else.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> I may see a good looking guy walking by and may think, 'he is a good looking guy' but that's it. I move past, forget about the guy as he means nothing and that's it. Why would I need to talk about it when it means nothing?
> Mr D is s a very secure guy with not a jealous bone in his body, but neither of us had any need to point out random attractive people. Why would we, they mean nothing to us.


And that is perfectly respectable, that's your dynamic. Maybe Mr. D notices, maybe not, but you both know you'd never act on it and you're both content with this secret... I assume he's extended the same courtesy if he notices an attractive female but doesn't act on it or tell you?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Obviously, because she only knows how to work the pole not the latch.🤣🤣🤣


Or even if she didn't leave the gate open, one of her johns would.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Why would we need to know whether or not we have options? We have no interest in being with anyone else.


That may be your relationship and that is good. But most relationships aren't.
Complacency kills relationships. If you are not at your best or at least trying to be at your best what incentive do they have to stay?


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> The weather presenter always gets the weather wrong anyway lol
> 
> Curious, I've always heard a man in a suit is a woman in a bikini, if true - then when a woman walks into an office full of suits it's like a guy going into a beach full of babes - NOT FAIR!


The weather presenter is often a spokesperson for an entire team who in turn are basing their assessments on personal experience and correct computer models (typically there's 2 or 3 main computer models). So same models, different teams, different spokesperson, different overall opinion and forecast.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

crashdawg said:


> And that is perfectly respectable, that's your dynamic. Maybe Mr. D notices, maybe not, but you both know you'd never act on it and you're both content with this secret... I assume he's extended the same courtesy if he notices an attractive female but doesn't act on it or tell you?


Its no secret. It's just not some thing of any importance. It's as if I see a cute dog and think, 'that's a cute dog'. It mean no more to me than that so why mention it? I care nothing for other men one way or another. 
I am sure he notices other women but never stares, or ogles. Again, it means nothing and isn't worth us talking about.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> That may be your relationship and that is good. But most relationships aren't.
> Complacency kills relationships. If you are not at your best or at least trying to be at your best what incentive do they have to stay?


So which is it? Should people be secure enough to not care if their spouse isn’t attracted to them or should they constantly be worried their spouse will cheat/leave? 🤪


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> So which is it? Should people be secure enough to not care if their spouse isn’t attracted to them or should they constantly be worried their spouse will cheat/leave?


People should always act as if they are still "dating" their spouse. Always keep their attention, always work. And why would somebody not care if their spouse is attracted to them or not? That is just asking for trouble.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Its no secret. It's just not some thing of any importance. It's as if I see a cute dog and think, 'that's a cute dog'. It mean no more to me than that so why mention it? I care nothing for other men one way or another.
> I am sure he notices other women but never stares, or ogles. Again, it means nothing and isn't worth us talking about.


These responses explain why open marriage is so popular. Fidelity is out of style it seems.😉


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> These responses explain why open marriage is so popular. Fidelity is out of style it seems.😉


Which is why I am staying single. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> People should always act as if they are still "dating" their spouse. Always keep their attention, always work. And why would somebody not care if their spouse is attracted to them or not? That is just asking for trouble.


Well then should they constantly worry that someone younger is going to make their spouse stray? I could stand to lose some weight and my H freaked over my last melanoma test and won’t let me tan any more. I can lose weight (I’m working on it) but I can’t get younger. My body can’t complete with a 22 year old. Guess I’m just out of luck.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well then should they constantly worry that someone younger is going to make their spouse stray? I could stand to lose some weight and my H freaked over my last melanoma test and won’t let me tan any more. I can lose weight (I’m working on it) but I can’t get younger. My body can’t complete with a 22 year old. Guess I’m just out of luck.


I think that would always be a concern. Which is why it is so important to make sure you are doing relationship maintenance


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> I think that would always be a concern. Which is why it is so important to make sure you are doing relationship maintenance


So older women should just expect infidelity or divorce because they can’t stay young? That is really sad.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

*So older women should just expect infidelity or divorce because they can’t stay young? That is really sad.*

Not just older women, older men too. I am an example of that


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> These responses explain why open marriage is so popular. Fidelity is out of style it seems.😉


Thankfully not for the vast majority


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Thankfully not for the vast majority


Not according to everything we see around us


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Not according to everything we see around us


Well I mean, dude, not according to you…. 😉😂🤪


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean, dude, not according to you…. 😉😂🤪


Only call it as I see it


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Thankfully not for the vast majority


I’m not so sure. I sure hope for better for my son than such an empty relationship based only on sex. He’d enjoy it in his youth but I think later on it would leave him feeling hollow.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> *So older women should just expect infidelity or divorce because they can’t stay young? That is really sad.*
> 
> Not just older women, older men too. I am an example of that


So then why bother? Why not just accept the inevitable and stay single? Maybe this generation that we hearing isn’t marrying (except that really, so many of them are) has the best idea. Just stay alone, less pain later on.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> So then why bother? Why not just accept the inevitable and stay single? Maybe this generation that we hearing isn’t marrying (except that really, so many of them are) has the best idea. Just stay alone, less pain later on.


That's my mantra now after what I went through


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> That's my mantra now after what I went through


Suddenly my decision to always have a job makes a lot of sense… thank goodness I didn’t quit and get left penniless or forced to go to court to beg for crumbs while my ex-husband and his girlfriend complain that I’m stealing all his money.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Suddenly my decision to always have a job makes a lot of sense… thank goodness I didn’t quit and get left penniless or forced to go to court to beg for crumbs while my ex-husband and his girlfriend complain that I’m stealing all his money.


State took all my XW's money LOL


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes. But what is the point of forcing the issue?
> 
> I see the pretty girls. I know they’re there and I know he looks. What exactly would be accomplished by his pointing at one of them and saying “she’s more attractive than you are, she’s young and thin and tan and you aren’t.” What’s the point? What is the advantage of that?


I agree with this. I appreciate a beautiful woman, but I love my wife and appreciate her more - there is no comparison to be made. We know each other appreciates human beauty, and she'll point out attractive women to me (or even tell me to come see some hot woman on TV), and I'll point out the kind of hot men she likes. We're very secure in our relationship so there's no threat, just wanting to add a little brightness to each other's day. It's really no different than saying, "Come see this beautiful sunset."


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think it's pretty common to enjoy being around people we deem attractive. We are both typically each others 'type'. From a purely physical perspective, and in terms of celebrity - meaning distance is there - we know who one another would find physically attractive.

As far as more daily life interactions, it's quite rare that I'd notice a guy that I'd deem particularly physically attractive. I'd hazard a guess that may be due to a combination of location, how we socialize, what my type is, and perhaps where I'm at in life. Really thinking on this, I could only think of a couple of instances over the last while where someone has caught my visual attention. Two of those times were because they emanated a similar vibe to Batman, just from passing observation. Partly their appearance and partly body language. Another time was from a slight distance while driving, and noting the way the guy walked/carried himself which caught my immediate attention, and as I got closer recognized it was actually Batman .

There was a split-second 'hot-damn' thought while waiting for coffee a few months back. And I only remember this due to analyzing for this thread. It was early morning and guy was walking up to order, I glanced up for all of a split-second, and he had that 'I've just had sexy-sex and rolled out of bed' look with disheveled hair. I don't really recall what he looked like, it was more about the vibe. However, I didn't go home and share that observation with Batman. Overall, it's really far and few between these days that I'd notice others in that way. In terms of non-physical attraction, I recognize qualities or traits that I find attractive in others. That doesn't translate to feeling attracted to them in a sexual sense though.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

When Batman and I have been talking with women who are objectively model-level stunning, I don't perceive her physical beauty as a threat to me. In that, it's not a competition. She's in her physical package and I'm in mine. Plus Batman represents us in a respectful way. He may well think 'hot-damn' but I don't need to know that. I know that he's got eyeballs same as me.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> These responses explain why open marriage is so popular. Fidelity is out of style it seems.😉


How exactly does an honest answer of a healthy relationship dynamic somehow reinforce the belief that fidelity is out of style and open relationships are popular? She loves him. He loves her. They have complete faith in each other and don't feel the need to communicate the "small things" that others do.

And IF one is constantly worried about being replaced then it would call their specific relationship dynamic into question. Open communication would allow both parties to voice any compliments or concerns. But if there's fear of voicing opinions or constant misinterpretation of anything said it would cause issues. If someone were to judge a current relationship based on bad experiences in the past they could create issues where there weren't any.

We know you're not a fan of open relationships but attacking them on here with no provocation doesn't do any good. It just reinforces the impression that one side presses their beliefs on others!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes. But what is the point of forcing the issue?
> 
> I see the pretty girls. I know they’re there and I know he looks. What exactly would be accomplished by his pointing at one of them and saying “she’s more attractive than you are, she’s young and thin and tan and you aren’t.” What’s the point? What is the advantage of that?


If anyone was being treated that way in a LTR/marriage they ought to get out.

However, I personally don't equate noticing different forms of physical attractiveness to necessarily 'more than' or somehow wishing their spouse was different / looked like that other (hypothetical) person. My take is that it's possible to be attracted to one's spouse and also fleetingly and respectfully recognize that another also has physical appeal. Maybe you're saying the same, I'm not sure. 

Edited: you might well have a similar take upon re-reading your response.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

heartsbeating said:


> When Batman and I


 the fact that you refer to your other half as Batman is both awesome and confusing! I have friends who have done cosplay for charities. Several have done Batman at various children's hospitals. Reading "it actually was Batman" made me laugh until I understood the context!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

crashdawg said:


> the fact that you refer to your other half as Batman is both awesome and confusing! I have friends who have done cosplay for charities. Several have done Batman at various children's hospitals. Reading "it actually was Batman" made me laugh until I understood the context!


Sorry... yeah my husband = Batman. An affectionate nickname. Both offline and here, yet more so here as I got bored of continually writing version of 'husband' in my posts.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

heartsbeating said:


> Sorry... yeah my husband = Batman. An affectionate nickname. Both offline and here, yet more so here as I got bored of continually writing version of 'husband' in my posts.


Completely unrelated post, some of the same group of friends are 501st. Due to that connection my autistic daughter met R2-KT while she was in a pink supergirl costume with a Hello Kitty backpack! THAT was a lot of pink and smiles. Good group of people.

So no need to apologize, it's an awesome nickname!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Not according to everything we see around us


I think that the majority who marry don't expect a marriage to include others.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> So which is it? Should people be secure enough to not care if their spouse isn’t attracted to them or should they constantly be worried their spouse will cheat/leave? 🤪





Numb26 said:


> People should always act as if they are still "dating" their spouse. Always keep their attention, always work. And why would somebody not care if their spouse is attracted to them or not? That is just asking for trouble.


I don´t see the contradiction or not in my case while she was with me.
I had eyes only for her.
And she was always my "date" as much as my life partner.
To compete with someone else? No
To celebrate life and each other, that´s why.



TexasMom1216 said:


> Well then should they constantly worry that someone younger is going to make their spouse stray? I could stand to lose some weight and my H freaked over my last melanoma test and won’t let me tan any more. I can lose weight (I’m working on it) but I can’t get younger. My body can’t complete with a 22 year old. Guess I’m just out of luck.


I´ll tell something I don´t use to share frequently but here it goes.
Our love began when we both were in our early sixties.
And she was almost two years "older" than me.
But she was the beauty of my days.
And no younger could compete with _such a woman_.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You might see them but you don’t need to make a huge thing of it. I mean, I watched Game of Thrones, Jason Momoa was all shirtless and on a horse. I didn’t drool or make a big show of how hot he was. I saw it. We all saw it. There’s no need for me to mention it. And there’s a huge difference between glancing at a practically naked woman walking by on the beach and chasing her down to see if you can score right in front of your wife.


I have found it useful when my wife offers that a particular guy does it for her. As a result I started doing heavier arms in the gym and she has responded positively to the changes.

She also gives clues on style/clothes she likes and I will sometimes pick up on that.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> I have found it useful when my wife offers that a particular guy does it for her. As a result I started doing heavier arms in the gym and she has responded positively to the changes.
> 
> She also gives clues on style/clothes she likes and I will sometimes pick up on that.


Like I said, constantly doing relationship maintenance.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

The "problem" I believe is that people aren't the same....

Some people have a very lukewarm response to the opposite sex...Id imagine for some of these couples, that physical or sexual attraction didn't even ever figure into why they are together in the first place...

I recall one particular time where me and a few colleagues had attended an event...When we were walking around the outside area(it was a pretty hot day), a young woman walked by that was very attractive and was almost impossible not to notice as she had a great body as well ...As she walked by, only me and another guy took notice, and made a comment to ourselves about how great she looked...The others didn't notice or weren't phased by her...

Doesn't make any of us "bad" just different...Those other guys probably never notice anything about women in their daily lives, the others will...


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

hamadryad said:


> The "problem" I believe is that people aren't the same....
> 
> Some people have a very lukewarm response to the opposite sex...Id imagine for some of these couples, that physical or sexual attraction didn't even ever figure into why they are together in the first place...
> 
> ...


To go a single step further, not everyone picks up on the social nuances of flirting. In the past I have had women flirt with me and I didn't realize it. I've also had honest conversations with women who read more into it then intended. Showing any interest in their hobbies or studies, asking their opinions, was misread as flirting. It was 100% unintentional. This was a boundary my wife and I had to establish early on when we started dating exclusively. It's taken time and work for me to recognize those nuances and avoid them.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure.
> Maybe by avoiding situations like porn, or x rated films?


What being attracted to others has to do with porn?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I agree with this. I appreciate a beautiful woman, but I love my wife and appreciate her more - there is no comparison to be made. We know each other appreciates human beauty, and she'll point out attractive women to me (or even tell me to come see some hot woman on TV), and I'll point out the kind of hot men she likes. We're very secure in our relationship so there's no threat, just wanting to add a little brightness to each other's day. It's really no different than saying, "Come see this beautiful sunset."


We are very secure also, but I just can't see the point in pointing out attractive people to each other. Plus no, it's really not the same as pointing out a beautiful sunset.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

romantic_dreamer said:


> What being attracted to others has to do with porn?


Just pointing out that we can do a lot to avoid problems.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Su


hamadryad said:


> The "problem" I believe is that people aren't the same....
> 
> Some people have a very lukewarm response to the opposite sex...Id imagine for some of these couples, that physical or sexual attraction didn't even ever figure into why they are together in the first place...
> 
> ...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Noticing without ogling attractive others, either spouse either sex is normal. Noticing an attractive person is nothing like being attracted to said person. 

Really there's nothing else to say. And all this has nothing to do with porn, for those who have mentioned porn. That's a projected leap I suppose.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Just pointing out that we can do a lot to avoid problems.


You have paranoid attitude towards porn. You are no different than porn addict, just opposite but the problem is as severe. You really need therapy. For you every problem is due to porn, including world hunger and war in Ukraine.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Of course attraction to others is normal. It's how you react that makes the difference.

For instance, I know if I ever get in a committed relationship again, anyone I'm with is going to think another guy is good looking. But if she feels the need to salivate over him in front of me and proceed to tell me how hot the guy is, she's history. Those kinds of people don't have good track records of being faithful.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> View attachment 84158


Don't use peripherals! Don't use peripherals!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Noticing an attractive person is nothing like being attracted to said person.


THIS


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I remember back in the 70's when a lot or women ran around without bras, id be in the car with my dad and he'd make a comment under his breath, something like "damn" or "look at that"....I even recall a few times where he went around the block again for no other reason than to get another look...Of course he didn't blow the horn, or whistle as some guys would do....He also was an artist and had many works of nude women...

I know there are some guys that would drive right past those women and not even notice them...I wont lie, when I see an attractive woman on the street, I take notice...Always in a very discrete way...

We shouldn't be ashamed of this....Its normal to be this way....Everyone knows whats appropriate and what's not, especially now in this age where you really need to be low key about this type of stuff...And let me add one more thing...Guys take a lot of heat here, and in many cases rightfully so, but in my experience women are FAR more overt and aggressive when they see something they like...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

romantic_dreamer said:


> You have paranoid attitude towards porn. You are no different than porn addict, just opposite but the problem is as severe. You really need therapy. For you every problem is due to porn, including world hunger and war in Ukraine.


😂


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## Mr Jim (10 mo ago)

I love sunglasses.... I could keep my head straight and just move my eyes when an attractive woman went by because I wouldn't want my wife to feel any less beautiful. 
Now when driving by, I'm more inclined to be checking out the dog than the woman who is walking it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr Jim said:


> I love sunglasses.... I could keep my head straight and just move my eyes when an attractive woman went by because I wouldn't want my wife to feel any less beautiful.
> Now when driving by, I'm more inclined to be checking out the dog than the woman who is walking it.


I look at dogs a lot. I love 'em. 😊


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Attraction is normal. "She is pretty, hot or even Daymn Gina!" But it stops there!
I have to guard myself because I am an eye man. If I have to talk to a hottie, I just look at general facial features. I try to refrain from direct eye contact or looking at their body.

No staring, fantasizing or lusting after others. Bible says to "Take your thoughts captive" Don't keep looking, shift your mind and eyes to something else.

After 25 yrs I am still very much in love and lust for my wife. I am not going to imprint other women's bodies in my mind so I end up comparing them to my wife's. I still see the 27 yr old hottie I married in her.

I respect and love my wife more than to burn an image in my mind of a young thing that has not give me 25 yrs and 2 children. Same way she is hot for me and thinks I am a sexual superman, and ensures I know it .....often!

Funny thing is I am a tire connaseur and a couple of hotties in a jeep pull up in 👙 and I'm checking out the ATs or MT tires on their ride, not them. Wife says I have issues, LOL. I am one flagging people down to warn them about low tire or asking how they like the tires on their 4x4.

I have told a woman that had a truck like mine some things under the hood to watch out for. Her brother was mechanic and she was going to tell him. She was getting comfortable very warm toward me and I felt like she wanted me to ask her out...but this boy is very much already taken and I don't go there. Just being helpful Ma'am.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Being attracted to people other than your SO is normal. Acting on it though is a whole other discussion. However, I would guess there may be differing opinions on what constitutes acting on it. A good proxy for me, would you act the same around someone whether or not your SO was with you. Would you flirt with someone if your SO wasn't around but act differently if they were there? Clearly everyone will likely have different boundaries on what they consider acceptable, but at a minimum if you change your behavior depending on whether or not your SO is with you, you likely know you are doing something you shouldn't be doing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mr Jim said:


> I love sunglasses.... I could keep my head straight and just move my eyes when an attractive woman went by because I wouldn't want my wife to feel any less beautiful.
> Now when driving by, I'm more inclined to be checking out the dog than the woman who is walking it.


I'm a cat person but if I see this dog:










I'm going straight for it, partner or no partner!


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