# Awaiting Divorce



## Damien (Feb 15, 2021)

Hey, 

I couldn't find too many support forums for where I live and most of you will know that friends and family aren't really a great sounding board after the initial break up/separation. 

I'm a 37 year old man who was in a relationship for 8 years, lived together for 4, and married for 2 and few months. No children. 

My ex walked out in late 2018. I asked her to take some time before making any big decisions. 
We met in Spring 2019 and she said she had started seeing someone and wanted a divorce. 

We haven't actually communicated since then, other than her friend emailing me in late 2020 to advise my ex was proceeding with the divorce once our 2 years separation period was up and to check if my contact details remained the same. I replied to say I would still need to meet with my ex as we discussed getting a separation agreement in order so we wouldn't come after anything now or in future. The house was only in my name but again we lived together for 4 years and were married for 2 of these. 

With the pandemic I guess it's delayed things as I've yet to hear anything. I haven't even in contact because I don't want to be in contact with her anymore than I need to be. I haven't texted, called or harassed her. Once she gave me her answer in 2019 I told her I'd accept it. 

I feel exhausted though. Its been a long process and I've went through all the stages of grief with regards to the marriage. I just feel very tired, emotionally drained and want this to be final and over. 

I started dating a little in late 2019 and 2020, and have been in a relationship with a girl for 6 months or so now but I hate having this hanging over me. It's been difficult to find any information with regards to divorce in Northern Ireland and I don't wanna start paying solicitor fees any earlier than I have to.

So, I'm here to get advice from people in similar situations of what to expect and also how to manage it emotionally. 

Thanks, 
Damien


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Know the score here. She walked out for a reason. She was probably hooked up with her OM which is why she left you. Most come here and can’t accept the truth. You’ll never get that. They all lie a lot.

The good thing is you’re young and don’t have kids or a huge amount of time invested. Plus with her actions you didn’t lose much. So get her off the pedestal if you have her on one.

*Important: get a good attorney if you haven’t. Protect yourself and finances. You cant trust her.*

Stay no contact. There is nothing to discuss except divorce. Limit that to text or email and limit that to business only.

Most will pull the let’s be ”friends“ thing. Don’t! Definition of friend = loyal, honest, trustworthy.


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## Damien (Feb 15, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Know the score here. She walked out for a reason. She was probably hooked up with her OM which is why she left you. Most come here and can’t accept the truth. You’ll never get that. They all lie a lot.
> 
> The good thing is you’re young and don’t have kids or a huge amount of time invested. Plus with her actions you didn’t lose much. So get her off the pedestal if you have her on one.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the reply. I've been in no contact since 2019. I'm not the type to try and use excuses to enable contact. I accepted it it's just very drawn out process over here. 

With our circumstances we had to wait at least 2 years separation before she could apply for the divorce. Seems to be a lot quicker in other countries.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Damien said:


> Thanks for the reply. I've been in no contact since 2019. I'm not the type to try and use excuses to enable contact. I accepted it it's just very drawn out process over here.
> 
> With our circumstances we had to wait at least 2 years separation before she could apply for the divorce. Seems to be a lot quicker in other countries.


I wouldn’t wait on her. Unless she actually comes through.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

do you have a go between that you both trust that can gain updates from her with out ever talking to her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Damien said:


> Thanks for the reply. I've been in no contact since 2019. I'm not the type to try and use excuses to enable contact. I accepted it it's just very drawn out process over here.
> 
> With our circumstances we had to wait at least 2 years separation before she could apply for the divorce. Seems to be a lot quicker in other countries.


Well you have had the 2 years separation so what is stopping you from starting the divorce process? Its too late get get a separation agreement, time for a divorce. 
There should be a lot about divorce on line.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are divorced.
In every way, except officially.

All new pain is old, that anguish has had time to flash, fizzle, frazzle, settle.

You have since tasted new flesh, admittedly, she has done the same.
The new ink on the divorce papers has had two years to gel, and is getting ready to lay down tracks.

Tracks outta here, too, two new lives that can officially start anew.

The rest is monetary, with tee crossing, eye dotting, record recording and storing.

You have waited two years, the time remaining is mere, near nothing,


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## Damien (Feb 15, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> do you have a go between that you both trust that can gain updates from her with out ever talking to her?


Her family and friends haven't really spoken to me. I've been cut off to be fair. I removed any close friends of hers or family from social media as I didn't want her to think if be spying on her for info


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## Damien (Feb 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Well you have had the 2 years separation so what is stopping you from starting the divorce process? Its too late get get a separation agreement, time for a divorce.
> There should be a lot about divorce on line.


She is the one initiating the divorce so I just sorta have to wait.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Damien said:


> She is the one initiating the divorce so I just sorta have to wait.


Sorta wait, then.

But, with advice from a Solicitor who prescribes such Barrister, one with a loud baritone voice.

Do not go at this divorce alone, with yourself having no standing, being naked, and defenseless.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Do you always do what she tells you? Why?

You need to figure that out or you could end up with the same in your next relationship.


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