# Confused and need womens opinions on my situation.



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

Ok, I am a guy and am totally confused about a single woman I know. Yes I am leagally sperated, we did not divorce as we are keeping some finacials intact.

I met a Native Amercan girl born on a reservation, at my work over almost 2 years ago. We became pretty close as we had many great discussions but we never crossed the line as she just got out of a bad relationship and I was not legally seperated so i would never act on anything because of this nor would she.

She left the state and I was crushed, I never thought I would have been. We have kept in contact over the last 8 months or so. She is in a custody battle over her kids, her ex is a jerk, Her former boyfriend casued her to go into bancruptcy. 

I have hung by her and helped her get through all of this and she questions why, I have been a constant for her. I have expressed to her she just needs to build trust with me, a big step for her to trust men again. 

(A side note her brother offered her a place to stay and live, a job, with the promise for her and her kids to move down with them in Texas.)

Now he treats her like **** and causes her much discomfort, she becomes really depressed, feels like a looser but hides it well. 

About every 10 days to two weeks she will reach out to me when she feel like life is is totally of control and she is massivlely depressed about her situation... the job sucks, the battle for her kids, her brother treating her like ****...We will talk until she feels better she get back to a good perspective again. 

I flew down to DFW about a month ago, she was so totally depressed she told me that her brother told her that she could only be friends with me ..no more. So I got the friend talk.. 

However, we spent the weekend doing things and she was stand of ish.. and not herself... 

her family really liked me... So that was good. 

We have been talking and she is so apolagetic about how she acted when I was there, She has apolagized multiple times, she has even challenged why we have this relationship. She tells me that she wants nothing to do with guys but I am the one she seeks comfort from. I express that I am a guy also.. lol... she say I am the exception. 

We never argue, we have great talks, typically never under 1.5 hours at a time.

At one time she basically told me that she wanted to try and date after we both got over the BS we both are going through. 

Now she has made a point of telling me that she want to see me this Christmas and meet her family in Washington including her kids, a big step for a damaged girl. 

She is thinking of moving back to WA. I have been rattling my connections to helpher get a new job. Since I am moving into a new 2 bedroom apartment and told me that she could not stay with me becuase she would feel uncomfortable do to my former wife. I actually never asked hr, just joked around with her about it... 

I think she really does care for me but I need to figure out if she does.... I have been told by a really good friend of her family, who has known her for most of her life that if she did not like me I would be history.

If we did date it would be totally new lifestyle for her, she raised three kids basically by herself and was always poor. I have a solid job and a little money in the bank. totally different than her former ex and boy friend. I think I scare her as I am sable and that is new for her. 

She is mad at me for selling my house in the country and givng my ex a new car right before we filed.
as I am giving up what she has always wanted...

I want to be with her and her kids, do I have a chance? 

Opinions feedback help welcome


----------



## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

To be honest, the woman you are describing sounds like her life is a mess and she's full of drama. Not someone you should even attempt to have a relationship with. 

My 2 cents.


----------



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

BrookeT said:


> To be honest, the woman you are describing sounds like her life is a mess and she's full of drama. Not someone you should even attempt to have a relationship with.
> 
> My 2 cents.


Yes it appears that way... but she is trying to get her act together now... I am one of her closet friends... I see what she is and her world is unique.. .... I have been by her side for over a year now and I do know her drama... Which I may be blind to but she has never asked me for anything.. I could bail her out of all her debt and make her life finacially secure if I wanted to but will not. She has never asked me for anything just be there to support and not judge. There is much more to this than what I wrote... I could have been many more pages... But I know my view and opinion is slanted as I am crazy for her.. So I do get what you say... Thank you...


----------



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

fiora said:


> Before jumping into a new relationship, maybe you both need to figure out why relationships in the past never worked. It's not always just the other person, and a little outside perspective and help wouldn't hurt before jumping into a relationship and possibly hurting each other more.


My last relationship was for 28 years.. I have been around the block... Jan and I, (I hate to say ex) are still good friends and we have grown so far apart that we decided to both move on.. Now my "friend" is really confused as she has had a really hard life and many poor choices.. I am a solid person , stable for the most part... lol.. (are any of us?) I am willing to take a chance as our personalities are so complimentary it is scary... 

She is not a replacement nor a rebound.. I hav eknown her for about two years and I have watched what she has gone through.. She is stubborn and triesd to do it all by herslf.. She just cant... Damn her for trying though... I do not know why she rocks my boat and her challenges are something I want. I do not get it.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you were MY brother, I'd tell you to FORGET HER. ABSOLUTELY.

As a woman, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong here! And it ain't just with EVERY guy she knows. I can wrap my head around the cr*ppy ex-bf. I can even wrap my head around the cr*ppy ex-h who followed.

What I CANNOT wrap my head around is the now-cr*ppy BROTHER! It doesn't make sense! He's kind to her, offers her a job, offers her a place for her and her kids. Then she moves down there and HE turns into a total a-hole? How about it's more likely SHE'S got SERIOUS problems that YOU DON'T SEE because you don't live with her and only talk to her every week or so. How about her brother saw her problems UP CLOSE and PERSONAL on a DAILY basis and is now p*ssed-off by the way she conducts her life and isn't going to waste his offer on someone who is either ungrateful or a f*ck-up!

So, again, if you were MY BROTHER (and I'm currently living with mine), I'd tell you to RUN LIKE HELL from a personal relationship with this woman. She chooses badly, they treat her badly, she treats them badly...you'll just be the next one in line.

I know it's NOT what you want to hear, but I THINK you came here to this board for a reason. Either your gut/common sense is telling your heart something YOU don't want to acknowledge, OR you KNOW your 'picker' is off-kilter and you want to check with sane people who do NOT have a vested interest in this relationship one way or the other.


----------



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> If you were MY brother, I'd tell you to FORGET HER. ABSOLUTELY.
> 
> As a woman, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong here! And it ain't just with EVERY guy she knows. I can wrap my head around the cr*ppy ex-bf. I can even wrap my head around the cr*ppy ex-h who followed.
> 
> ...


Damn you express your self like she does.. lol... 

I like what your saying however, I do know her pretty well, we worked together for quite a while. But I know that does not mean crap.. I get it. 

Now her brother is another story,

I met my "friend" a couple days ago at her sisters house to see her and meet her kids, then we went to her step brother's moms house. (her brother...) I went out side to help get a car started,... Upon my return they were talking about him.

Apprently, this is typical behviour for him, to come across as Mr Nice guy and offer his house and work to family members, then use it as a way to control and belittle... Apprently he had done this in the past to other family memebrs and my "friend" who has a real big heart did not beleive it. So she went there.. and it all is coming clear for her now... 

I realize this sounds like I am making excuses but he is an A***ole. When I was in the DFW area visiting her in October he was challenging me... He was a few drinks into a good buzz and was getting a little forward, he kept expressing how he was an ultimate fighter and was asking me if I ever fought.. 

I basically said no, not since back in high school. He alluded to me as a sissy boy... then I told him I played hockey for years and he instantly changed his attitude. I do not fight but I certainly can, but I will not. He then showed me so much more respect after that.

yes, I am looking for opinons.. I am just confused as we should not even be associating. We are adults but for some reason we always do talk. I may be nuts, but I appear to be her lifeline when she is really down, but what does that mean any how? 

based on my belief most women never really say what they mean and express themselve sort of counter intiuitive, so why run to me in times of need..


----------



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

michzz said:


> Get divorced, separation ain't enough separation.
> 
> Find a woman who wants you as a man.
> 
> This one likes your attentions, but nothing more.


Just to let you know, in Washington State they are basically the same. A legal seperation is a way to keep financial benefits together..... 

BTW, I think she does, but I beleve we both scare each other. My quesiton, is and I am searching to find out why we do keep in touch, and I dot pursue her, but she always call me for advice and support. She does not date nor have any real intetest in guys except for me. 

I may be a fool and you are probably right about the attention, excpet I do not give her much attention, just an occasional text or email.. then we have our marathon phone calls.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is the age difference between you and your friend?

I have a different take on this than the others. You have built a friendship with her. You both value each other. People of the opposite sex seldom maintain friendships without there being interest.

Go slowly with her as you have been. It sounds like your friendship is growing if you met her children and some extended family. 

There is indeed a strong potential that she is a person who fills her own life with drama and bad choices who could being a lot of turmoil to your life that in the long run would be very destructive for you. Or she could be a good person who has grown up in bad circumstances but will do very well with someone like you. I’ve seen people who fit both circumstances.

Another thing to take into consideration is that second marriages (or relationships) with step children fail at a very high rate. For marriages it’s over 70% of them fail. Step parenting is very hard. Children often just do not like the step parents; they want their own parents to get back together. They see the divorce/split and new relationship as all things that they have no control over. Things that are done TO them. So t they do not cooperate very well. Then there is also the father of her children to deal with. If the two of you ever decide to marry or live together I suggest that the two of you do a lot of reading about blending families and step parenting before you bring the children into this. (I’m assuming that if you have children they are grown.)

I don’t see why you would not pursue something with her but be cautious. Make a list (mental or otherwise) of deal killers. For example if you find out that she is inventing drama, if she starts to get mean, physically violent, lies, etc. If you see these and other unacceptable behaviors in her cut your losses. Don’t get too tied up with her too quickly. Grow you relationship slowly.


----------



## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What is the age difference between you and your friend?
> 
> I have a different take on this than the others. You have built a friendship with her. You both value each other. People of the opposite sex seldom maintain friendships without there being interest.
> 
> ...


Well, we are 15 years apart... She has had a couple of real bad relationships that lasted a long time by todays standards. 10 years and 7... My last was 28.. with the last 10 or so just a facade and acting it out. 

Now I may out of line, but being from New Mexico, are you Native American? If you understand American Indian culture. their has been some interesting things occuring. That can be discussed later. 

I am taking this as slow I can, it is hard. I am crazy about her, I see her for what she really is, or can be. Yes she has grown up in poverty, and has not been able to provide like she wanted to. Mother of three, first father hid on the reservation and did not help with Child support, Presently owes her 36K, Her last long term relationship ended do to an affair and he spent all of the money and she ended up in bancruptcy. 

Her kids are 18, 14, and 13. Yes, I understand this in it self could cause problems, but the risk for me is ok and is part of the package. I get that...

We have talked about the possibilities of continuing to be in the cycle poverty and lack of education to continue. Not that I can change this, it is up to them but if I can help, I will..

She is not using me, has never asked anything of me, until last week., It was just help buying Xmas gift for her son. She had no idea of what to get him. However, I did ,we found a real cool electronic kit, I ordered it and had it shipped, so yes she owes me 50 bucks. 

She does scare the hell out of me and I think I do her also. 

She si going back to Texas tonight.. I will be taking her to the airport tonight, She said her family does not want to, snow, but she asked me to. And of course I will.. I need to build trust in our relationship to continue, as I am leary also. 

I am crazy about her.. She has so much to offer and she is smart as a whip, and I want to learn her culture, as she was one of the gifted ones in her tribe, smoking with the elders at a very young age and... I could go on.. 

I just do not get how a person get under your skin to this point. Why does she always come to me when she needs advice or is in a panic about her life or kids.... Brother....


----------

