# Sex days



## Cdawg2020 (Apr 5, 2020)

Hello all me and my SO had sex finally she is never interested in sex she said she only had sex for me. 
she said we can set up 2 days a week to have sex I’m wanting 3 days a week I I tried to get her turned on by kissing her that doesn’t work I am romantic I’m always buying her flowers Gavin nice dinner relaxing and watching movies I even give her massages,rub her feet all kinds of nice things what should I do?


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

It is always good to have an open conversation. Talk to her and give her confidence, tell her it’ll be fun if we have frequent sex. 

Btw, why are you rationing on no of tyms u can have sex in a week ? Should be that you should have an accidental sex as this would be more exciting ? Think about it.

Lastly, give what she enjoys the most. Females enjoy oral / licking vagina or anything that she just love and am sure she’ll be ready for you at any moment 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Cdawg2020 (Apr 5, 2020)

IndianApple said:


> It is always good to have an open conversation. Talk to her and give her confidence, tell her it’ll be fun if we have frequent sex.
> 
> Btw, why are you rationing on no of tyms u can have sex in a week ? Should be that you should have an accidental sex as this would be more exciting ? Think about it.
> 
> ...


that’s the thing I tried giving her oral and she HATES. It she even kicked me BY ACCIDENT. Because she doesn’t like that she won’t ever let me try again. 
the reason for choosing # of times and when to have sex is bc she doesn’t care for it she only did it to satisfy me she doesn’t get turned on I think she has no sex drive
And we have talked about it for a few days and she is still stuck on 2 days a week for us too have sex


----------



## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Cdawg2020 said:


> Hello all me and my SO had sex finally she is never interested in sex she said she only had sex for me.
> she said we can set up 2 days a week to have sex I’m wanting 3 days a week I I tried to get her turned on by kissing her that doesn’t work I am romantic I’m always buying her flowers Gavin nice dinner relaxing and watching movies I even give her massages,rub her feet all kinds of nice things what should I do?


We need some more context.

First given you used SO, am I correct in assuming you are not married? Are you living together? If not what are the arrangements?

How old are the two of you?

Is this either of your first relationships? If not how many before and what was sex like in them?

Does she have medical issues? There are conditions that makes it painful for a female to have PIV sex.

Does she lack a sex drive? Maybe asexual?

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


----------



## Cdawg2020 (Apr 5, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> We need some more context.
> 
> First given you used SO, am I correct in assuming you are not married? Are you living together? If not what are the arrangements?
> 
> ...


Yes she is my wife been married for 5 months
She is 24 I’m 31 
We both had relationships before in mine sex was fine in hers she didn’t wanna have sex I know the guy she used to date and I talk to him he’s a good man she does have high blood pressure it’s not painful for her she felt no pain when we had sex she just wasn’t in to it we spoke to her female doctor about maybe labido booster but she said there really isn’t anything that’s fda approved


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Did you know your wife wasn't keen on sex before you married her?


----------



## Cdawg2020 (Apr 5, 2020)

Personal said:


> Did you know your wife wasn't keen on sex before you married her?


No I didn’t


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Well that sux.

Sadly if having a sex life matters to you, divorcing her now is probably the better option before investing further.


----------



## Cdawg2020 (Apr 5, 2020)

Personal said:


> Well that sux.
> 
> Sadly if having a sex life matters to you, divorcing her now is probably the better option before investing further.


Well illl have a sex life but only on certain days of the week. 
ive just done some research and most couple only have sex twice a week so I’ll just have to adapt I suppose


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Well if your happy with that, please carry on and do take care of each other.

I'll be 49 this year and with the exception of infrequent illness, injury or being apart for work. My wife (who is 50 this year) and I still share sex at 4-6x a week and often more, even after being married for almost 21 years.

So regardless of what other couples do. It is pretty clear that if you settle for less, you are certain to get less.


----------



## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Cdawg2020 said:


> Yes she is my wife been married for 5 months
> She is 24 I’m 31
> We both had relationships before in mine sex was fine in hers she didn’t wanna have sex I know the guy she used to date and I talk to him he’s a good man she does have high blood pressure it’s not painful for her she felt no pain when we had sex she just wasn’t in to it we spoke to her female doctor about maybe labido booster but she said there really isn’t anything that’s fda approved


ATM, it sounds as if she is asexual. There are basically two types. With and without drive. Those with still have sexual desires, they just are not sexually attracted to either gender. Now this is different from bisexual which is sexually attracted to both. The other type has no sex drive that couples with the lack of attraction. 

In either case such people can still have romantic attractions, and those can be straight, gay or bi in nature.

While the average is only 2 times a week, that is an average, meaning some have more and others less. You could need more. Not getting your needs met can be detrimental to your marriage. Exceeding her limits can also do so. So you have to figure out how to find the compromise.

Now, despite common misconception, compromise does not automatically mean each side gives up something. Thinking outside the box can bring new solutions. Is an open relationship where you can get your sexual needs met elsewhere an option?

Also medically speaking, has your wife been checked for things that reduces libedo? If she has naturally low drive, there isn't much to do. However, if a condition is lowering her natural libedo, that can be corrected. However, usually when someone has reduced drive, there still is enough left that they want to have sex, but feel no urge to, if you can understand the distinction. Again, based on your description, I'm still thinking asexual, but I'm not a medical professional, nor have I engaged with your wife either.

You have to decide how important sex is to you. There is no wrong nor selfish answer. Then you have to decide how that fits into your relationship with your wife.

There is a podcast on Touch of Flavor that deals with differences in sex drive. You might also want to check that out.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So where are you going out to on the other 5 nights? You should be out of the house without her at least one afternoon per week.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Cdawg2020 said:


> Well illl have a sex life but only on certain days of the week.
> ive just done some research and most couple only have sex twice a week so I’ll just have to adapt I suppose


Twice a week might be OK for now... or not... but there is zero likelihood that things will get better down the road. I've been where you are, 40 years ago. 

You can start with the book The 5 Love Languages and I think you'll find some striking differences and perhaps a complete lack of appreciation on her part for what sex means to you, that it's not just a physical thing... and while your position is totally reasonable, she might not be able to get it. Maybe she's "try" as she is doing now, and settle for doing something she doesn't want to do, twice a week.

You've got to ask yourself, why should you be engaging in something with your wife that she doesn't want to do, for the rest of your life? You need to ask yourself this now, not 40 years from now. You need to start thinking what it would be like, many years down the road, to fully understand your wife's aversion to sex, what it must have felt like each time, to her, and how that would make you feel when you fully comprehend it.

Don't let it go there. NOW is the time to address this. She needs therapy now, you may need therapy as a couple, and if you don't, you'll need therapy yourself down the road when you realize what's gone on. Something may have happened to her in her past such that sex brings up unfortunate memories. It's probably not a "may" thing... it probably did. She's young enough that you might be able to get to the truth and have it dealt with. In the meantime don't think about having kids, put things on hold and get this dealt with. I don't want to come back here 10 years down the road and see more posts about this same subject from you, that you're in the same or even worse place.

You may very much love this woman but it does not matter, w/regards her attitude about sex with you. She may love you very much but in her mind, she's building resentment because she wants to know why everything is about sex. 

You are in a wonderful position to do something about this. The time is right. Just remember that it does not really matter how much you love her, how much she loves you. Love will not fix this problem. Determination has a chance. All the best to you-


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Is she taking meds for high blood pressure, If so some types my reduce libido. It is now known that some blood pressure meds lower libido in both men and women. 

Would it be better to remove the cause of the high blood pressure rather than to use meds to treat it. Like maybe change some life style factors like diet or exercise regime, sleeping pattern, type of work. etc? 

Mybe speak to a life style adviser. It is worth a try. That said some people just do not find sex interesting in the same way as most others do.


----------

