# Facebook Infidelity Found 2 messages



## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Recently my husband had been acting different. I had noticed he had been wanting to go out to hookah bars a lot lately and I was left home with our 2 year old and I am 8 months pregnant. 

At night I would notice his phone would light up and girls would be sending him facebook messages. I ignored them thinking well maybe im a paranoid girl. He can have girl friends. Well it got to me one day.

I woke up in the middle of the night grabbed his phone and found messages from a girl talking about lets hang out, and apparently one night when he was drunk she picked him up from the bar and he lied to me about who dropped him off to our house. Then she kept talking about being on him and stuff when and if they were to go to haunted houses. They just kept flirting and no where did he indicate the line of being married.

I confronted him and he apologized and we went on... well I went through his phone because something else didn't feel right.

I found he had been talking to ANOTHER girl. This time they talked about her being sexy and her getting a sexy tattoo in a sexy spot and then he said he still found her sexy. They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him. (also this girl has gotten in trouble for sleeping with a married military man.) she brought up won't your wife get mad and he said she wont know *winky face* and then he proceeded to send out his new phone number and also pointed out things aren't going how i want them in my marraige and they could possibly hook up. 

He said the girl was sad and he was cheering her up and I took it the wrong way. and apologized for saying what he did and it wasn't right. 

I can't get over this. My heart hurts and I am not allowed to talk to ANYONE about this. :'( 

*also before all this he had been on a dating website as well.* I just am worried idk if he's still texting these girls or how many times he's done this to me before I found out. He deleted many of his messages off of his fb when I went through his phone after finding the last girl. 

I just don't know what to do because its so hard for me to work this out of my mind.. I am now too worried and he's constantly making me feel like I need to trust him again. Because he trusted me again after finding porn on my phone. *which I had because he wasn't sexually paying attention to me and I just felt un-sexy.. I know its still wrong. I haven't watched any since the day he discovered that.*

Please anyone help me. I really am upset and hurt badly.. I love my husband but I am feeling I can't get over this.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

watching porn vs chatting up and making plans. One is much worse than the other. If he cannot admit that he was in the wrong and own up to crap, then your marriage will not work.

Ask him if it is okay if you start chatting with other men. Bet you he gets the picture.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

He admitted that he was wrong but its like he made up b.s. excuses. He said that I was taking it all the wrong way. 

One girl (that he had talked about sex with) She was sad from a breakup, which in the messages she clearly wasn't that upset, he was making her feel better. And she was a friend.

Girl number 2 he said was his friends ex and he never wanted to go hang with her although in the text he put I need to find an excuse to go out... and then he said he never wanted to go out with that girl.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> watching porn vs chatting up and making plans. One is much worse than the other. If he cannot admit that he was in the wrong and own up to crap, then your marriage will not work.
> 
> Ask him if it is okay if you start chatting with other men. Bet you he gets the picture.


Also he wouldn't care if I was talking because he's not a jealous guy. That's what he says.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> He said the girl was sad and he was cheering her up and I took it the wrong way


Ehhh.... no, you took it the right way. He is acting very badly and must grow up.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

He is lying to you!!!! And you are letting him. If he thinks he would truly not care, then here is what you do. Find a girlfriend you trust and start some text message's with winks and subtle flirting. Make sure she is saved under a common boy's name. Leave your phone lying around so he can see the random texts. Then see what happens.

Also, for him not being jealous....the porn should not have bothered him in the least.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Mabuhay, and I'm sorry you're here.

He WOULD get jealous if you were talking to other guys. He thinks you're safe because you're pregnant. You are not crazy. He is wrong. What are you willing to do to make him stop? Don't say anything if you don't mean... ANYTHING.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

sandc said:


> Mabuhay, and I'm sorry you're here.
> 
> He WOULD get jealous if you were talking to other guys. He thinks you're safe because you're pregnant. You are not crazy. He is wrong. What are you willing to do to make him stop? Don't say anything if you don't mean... ANYTHING.


I mean we have talked about it and I almost left him. He apologized, deleted his facebook and made a new one but still you can message people on there without being friends and they can still text him. I am always on edge and hurting. I feel betrayed. I want to talk to his mom about it but I don't know if that's a good idea and the old me is tempted to confront both of the girls but I feel that would create more issues. because to me I know its his fault but its theirs as well because they did mention what about your wife and he went around it like I was nothing. I would do anything to make him stop but I know its ultimately up to him to stop. If he doesn't then i will leave. I am about to have my second girl and I think if I left him it would be almost a smack in the face and hopefully a fire lit under his a** to fix himself.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> He is lying to you!!!! And you are letting him. If he thinks he would truly not care, then here is what you do. Find a girlfriend you trust and start some text message's with winks and subtle flirting. Make sure she is saved under a common boy's name. Leave your phone lying around so he can see the random texts. Then see what happens.
> 
> Also, for him not being jealous....the porn should not have bothered him in the least.


I agree. I mean for me the porn was there yea but I also felt the need to watch it to help with our sex life. I felt un-sexy and that I couldn't do anything. I mean i'm 8 months pregnant. The texts he really wouldn't care at all. Its hard for me to get over this because I can't talk to my family, his family or my best friend about it. If I bring up how I feel he says I should trust him and give him a chance to prove himself to me. I just feel I need someone to confide in and help me get through this with wise advice. The young girl in me wants to confront both of the other girls because they did know I was there and it wasn't just his fault it was theirs too. They could have stopped and so could have he.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.

How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.
> 
> How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:


I have no idea either! And these girls were not cute. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I think I am a pretty attractive filipino mixed girl. And these were girls from his past.. Like why reconnect. I mean we had been fighting on and off during this time but still never did I refer back to any of my past. I never ran to my old best guy friend. I just don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this. And I don't understand why I can't talk to my mother-in law who is here about what has happened. I mean I ran out crying in front of her trying to leave my house in the middle of the night. He lied to her and told her he was being mean and made me cry. he didn't tell her the truth.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You know, my husband's EA was caught via texting. She was (supposedly) a friend of both of us, from World of Warcraft. I read texts where he called her beautiful and sexy. Sometimes, I still see those words in my mind...Anyway, when I asked him about it, his response was "I was just making her feel better. SOmeone has to do it. Her bf doesn't."... I looked him right in the eye and said "someone has to do it... but not MY HUSBAND!".... She had also sent him pics where she was just wearing a bra. He, at first, tried to say there was nothing wrong with it...and then I suggested that maybe I could send pics in the exact same pose to some male friends. Ya know, he changed his tune REALLY fast! 

My point in telling you that last part is that no matter how much we think our spouses wouldn't be the jealous type, if they truly love us, they WILL have a problem if/when we mimic the inappropriate behaviors. I know all too well... I never thought HE would have an affair. I had 2 EAs and he had an EA after them. So, never underestimate how your spouse will feel about certain behaviors.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

I had a good friend who f'ed around on his (soon to be) wife. He did the exact same crap your husband is doing: facebooking and sneaking off. I always assumed he was just being foolish and immature: certainly nothing would ever come from his harlmess flirting. Imagine my surprise when I walked in on him f'ing some girl I had never seen before in a jacuzzi during his bachelor party (his soon to be wife wasn't pregnant then). I was much younger back then and decided to keep the information to myself, although even at that age it bothered me to the point that we were never good friends after that.
Flash forward a few years after that, and his pregnant wife is tossing him out of the house....because she caught him banging an 18 year old girl he met/communicated through facebook.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck: chances are it's a duck :-(


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So he cheats on his pregnant wife (his drop dead gorgeous babe of a pregnant wife, it must be said!) and he lies to his own mother.

Gosh. He sounds like the perfect gentleman. He thinks he is a dashing lothario, but in reality he is more **** Dastardly. Who is cheating on you with a woman who looks like Muttley. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****_Dastardly

Betcha din't know your hubby was a TV star, huh?:rofl:


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

"They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him."

What past sex??? This to me says EVERYTHING! They had sex. Am I the only one that caught this??

He has cheated on you once (or more) and is lying about everything. He is covering his own ass, you need to find out more about this.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

ladybird said:


> "They also talked about how their past sex was great and she missed him."
> 
> What past sex??? This to me says EVERYTHING! They had sex. Am I the only one that caught this??
> 
> He has cheated on you once (or more) and is lying about everything. He is covering his own ass, you need to find out more about this.



I want to find out more but he deleted his facebook to start over. The girl he had sex with also got a married military man in trouble for having sex with him. I mean shes a hefer. She even asked what about your wife? And asked is texting a no no? My husband said no my wife doesnt go through my phone. Dumb ass doesnt know but i took pictures of the messages and emailed them to myself. He keeps saying the same thing over and over that they are friends n he was trying to make her feel better. Hes more lovey to me but like i have no idea about texting because he can easily delete the messages and etc.  its so hard im having our first baby together on monday. If he doenst pull his head out of his ass im leaving.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> You know, my husband's EA was caught via texting. She was (supposedly) a friend of both of us, from World of Warcraft. I read texts where he called her beautiful and sexy. Sometimes, I still see those words in my mind...Anyway, when I asked him about it, his response was "I was just making her feel better. SOmeone has to do it. Her bf doesn't."... I looked him right in the eye and said "someone has to do it... but not MY HUSBAND!".... She had also sent him pics where she was just wearing a bra. He, at first, tried to say there was nothing wrong with it...and then I suggested that maybe I could send pics in the exact same pose to some male friends. Ya know, he changed his tune REALLY fast!
> 
> My point in telling you that last part is that no matter how much we think our spouses wouldn't be the jealous type, if they truly love us, they WILL have a problem if/when we mimic the inappropriate behaviors. I know all too well... I never thought HE would have an affair. I had 2 EAs and he had an EA after them. So, never underestimate how your spouse will feel about certain behaviors.


I dont want to stoop to his level or mimic what he did to me. I mean he knows he was wrong but im just worried now that he is talking to these girls still n stuff. I feel like i cant trust him anymore. And im due to have our first child on monday. :/ And i feel like talking to his mom would help. Shes a wonderful and understanding woman. But i had to promise not to tell anyone we know.. Family friends :/ no one. So im stuck alone.. Feeling like i cant trust him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This saddens me. Not only because you know, deep down what's going on, even though you try so hard to listen to his excuses and rationalize everything, but also for your child your growing. 

I know the stress your experiencing. It's the worst stress you will ever experience in your life. But that stress is also affecting your baby. 

This should be a time when he's sitting next to you each and every night. Rubbing your feet and waiting on you hand and foot. . Making both you and the child in you feel comfortable and secure. 

Instead, he's causing the worst stress to both of you. 

This is despicable to me. He's not acting like a real man at all but a spoiled entitled child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Whenever I see a pregnant woman (ANY pregnant woman!) I immediately go into "serve and protect" mode. "Can I get you a cup of tea? Is there anything I can do for you?" etc.
> 
> How any man can disrespect his own pregnant wife... I just don't know.:scratchhead:


Oprah did a whole show on it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> I dont want to stoop to his level or mimic what he did to me. I mean he knows he was wrong but im just worried now that he is talking to these girls still n stuff. I feel like i cant trust him anymore. And im due to have our first child on monday. :/ And i feel like talking to his mom would help. Shes a wonderful and understanding woman. *But i had to promise not to tell anyone we know..* Family friends :/ no one. So im stuck alone.. Feeling like i cant trust him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uhhhh... no. This was his way of saying he wants to rug sweep the whole thing. I think he knows that if family/friends know about it, he will HAVE to stop. Right now, he can (try to) blame it on your pregnancy hormones, etc. If family/friends are told about it, and shown what evidence you already have, that means it is out in the open and he has to face the fact that he has been cheating on you with these women, at least emotionally. He is trying to avoid this, so he told you NOT to tell people you know.

Oh, as for stooping to his level, I wasn't suggesting that you do that lol. I was only saying that he could say NOW that he would be ok with it. But if ever IN that position, he would change his tune.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

Ah, the age old excuse of “We are just friends”. I have lots of friends myself, although not many of those friends are women. The friends test is easy: would he say those things to a buddy? If not, then it’s more than friends. For example: I’d certainly talk about past shared sexual experiences with, say, my wife (or before my wife, girls I dated or wanted to date hehehe). I don’t think I’d ever call up my buddy and say “Man, when you were on top, it felt great”. I’d probably have very few friends if I communicated to them in that manner. Nor would I call a woman who is not my wife to say those kinds of things, unless I was trying to get laid (not that I would ever do that to my wife). She is not his friend and he is not her friend: she is his mistress and he is a cheater. Men with pregnant wives don’t call (ex?) lovers talking about sneaking behinds their wives back and laughing at their wives expense (you do realize you were completely mocked, disrespected, and laughed at: those texts say it all).
I really don’t envy the situation you are in and I honestly have no advice to give because, damn, you are in a pickle. Just don’t fool yourself or talk yourself out of the reality of what is actually happening, and what has actually occurred, and you will be able to make better decisions (albeit, extremely hard and difficult ones). 
The only advice I could possibly think of is exposing this to everyone and anyone. If it’s just a buddy, and if his behavior is innocent, then he should have no problem with you telling anyone and everyone. But he knows, like you do deep down, that this was not innocent, that it was totally inappropriate, and that should anyone besides you find out, they will judge him as the scum he is. Bad people/cheaters/liars/scum thrive in the dark, and when they are caught, they try to minimize their exposure. Leading a double life is difficult: you have to pretend to be a different person half of the time. Your husband is pretending to be a decent person in front of your family and friends: he doesn’t want anyone else to know who he really is, and he knows other people will see him for what he is if they know what he has done. Even worse (from his perspective), those people will tell you how you were RIGHT to suspect what you re suspecting now, and they will give you good advice that will probably be detrimental to your husband. Keeping things secret, and especially keeping you scared to tell others, is his way of protecting the false image of a good husband he wants to perpetuate. 
Good luck, I sincerely mean that.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

> But i had to promise not to tell anyone we know.. Family friends :/ no one. So im stuck alone.. Feeling like i cant trust him.


That's usually the line physically abusive spouses give to the spouse they have just abused. DON'T TELL ANYONE....and I only did it because I LOVE YOU!

I also find it ironic that he is telling you not to tell anyone.....about the person he was telling things to. :scratchhead:


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

KirkSpock said:


> Ah, the age old excuse of “We are just friends”. I have lots of friends myself, although not many of those friends are women. The friends test is easy: would he say those things to a buddy? If not, then it’s more than friends. For example: I’d certainly talk about past shared sexual experiences with, say, my wife (or before my wife, girls I dated or wanted to date hehehe). I don’t think I’d ever call up my buddy and say “Man, when you were on top, it felt great”. I’d probably have very few friends if I communicated to them in that manner. Nor would I call a woman who is not my wife to say those kinds of things, unless I was trying to get laid (not that I would ever do that to my wife). She is not his friend and he is not her friend: she is his mistress and he is a cheater. Men with pregnant wives don’t call (ex?) lovers talking about sneaking behinds their wives back and laughing at their wives expense (you do realize you were completely mocked, disrespected, and laughed at: those texts say it all).
> I really don’t envy the situation you are in and I honestly have no advice to give because, damn, you are in a pickle. Just don’t fool yourself or talk yourself out of the reality of what is actually happening, and what has actually occurred, and you will be able to make better decisions (albeit, extremely hard and difficult ones).
> The only advice I could possibly think of is exposing this to everyone and anyone. If it’s just a buddy, and if his behavior is innocent, then he should have no problem with you telling anyone and everyone. But he knows, like you do deep down, that this was not innocent, that it was totally inappropriate, and that should anyone besides you find out, they will judge him as the scum he is. Bad people/cheaters/liars/scum thrive in the dark, and when they are caught, they try to minimize their exposure. Leading a double life is difficult: you have to pretend to be a different person half of the time. Your husband is pretending to be a decent person in front of your family and friends: he doesn’t want anyone else to know who he really is, and he knows other people will see him for what he is if they know what he has done. Even worse (from his perspective), those people will tell you how you were RIGHT to suspect what you re suspecting now, and they will give you good advice that will probably be detrimental to your husband. Keeping things secret, and especially keeping you scared to tell others, is his way of protecting the false image of a good husband he wants to perpetuate.
> Good luck, I sincerely mean that.


The only thing thats stopping me is the whole porn thing. Like I feel totally ashamed and upset at myself still. When he brings it up I cry. He says I didn't tell anyone about what happened with you. I feel like at this point I need to tell people what I did so he can't hold it against me. I tried to tell him what the difference is, is that those girls are HERE where we live and he got a ride from one when he was drunk. Porn is people we don't know and I know I used what I watched on my hubby and sex is better. I still think it was wrong I watched it but I don't see that nearly as bad as what he has done. I just don't know who to tell first. His mother is in town and I want to tell her so badly. I mean she saw me run out of the room in the middle of the night hysterically crying, shaking and about to leave. At night I still feel upset... and things he says to me he said to the two girls. I so badly also want to confront them like wtf were you thinking?! But that prob won't help any.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Also Thank you everyone for listening to my stupid self. I feel like I am so stuck and I appreciate every little piece of advice, support and story. I believe at this point its a matter of me speaking out. I am a very passive girl and don't say whats on my mind or whats bothering me ever. So this is very difficult for me. I want to tell my parents more than anything.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> The only thing thats stopping me is the whole porn thing. Like I feel totally ashamed and upset at myself still. When he brings it up I cry. He says I didn't tell anyone about what happened with you. I feel like at this point I need to tell people what I did so he can't hold it against me. I tried to tell him what the difference is, is that those girls are HERE where we live and he got a ride from one when he was drunk. Porn is people we don't know and I know I used what I watched on my hubby and sex is better. I still think it was wrong I watched it but I don't see that nearly as bad as what he has done. I just don't know who to tell first. His mother is in town and I want to tell her so badly. I mean she saw me run out of the room in the middle of the night hysterically crying, shaking and about to leave. At night I still feel upset... and things he says to me he said to the two girls. I so badly also want to confront them like wtf were you thinking?! But that prob won't help any.


Look, my husband and I don't watch porn, but even he and I would agree that porn =/= to cheating. Your husband texting/messaging these women all the time, and the nature of the messages, indicate cheating...at the very least, an EA (or multiple EAs). In viewing porn, you were not going out and actively seeking attention elsewhere. He was...even if he won't admit it/doesn't recognize it. Two TOTALLY different issues. If he were to bring up the porn, all you have to do is fire back that porn = porn, what he is doing would be emotional infidelity and emotional infidelity = emotional infidelity.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> Also Thank you everyone for listening to my stupid self. I feel like I am so stuck and I appreciate every little piece of advice, support and story. I believe at this point its a matter of me speaking out. I am a very passive girl and don't say whats on my mind or whats bothering me ever. So this is very difficult for me. I want to tell my parents more than anything.


You're not stupid. You have a very legitimate concern. As we have said, he doesn't want you talking to close friends/family because he knows what he is doing is wrong. I really think you DO need to find a close friend you CAN speak with about this. Your promise was made because you don't want to rock the boat. I understand that. But in order to FIX this...you are going to HAVE to rock the boat. Don't go straight to your parents, necessarily, but pick a close trusted girl friend and talk to her about it. You need someone IRL, not just online.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> You're not stupid. You have a very legitimate concern. As we have said, he doesn't want you talking to close friends/family because he knows what he is doing is wrong. I really think you DO need to find a close friend you CAN speak with about this. Your promise was made because you don't want to rock the boat. I understand that. But in order to FIX this...you are going to HAVE to rock the boat. Don't go straight to your parents, necessarily, but pick a close trusted girl friend and talk to her about it. You need someone IRL, not just online.


The thing with that is my close friends husband works with mine and he has a huge mouth and will tell everyone. :/ Also I am 21 so idk how wise my friends advice is. I feel a lot of the time they are immature and I want to grow and be mature with my situation and being married. And I do want to fix this so badly. I hate feeling like my heart is in my stomach and that I am going to throw up. I am tired of laying next to him at night tempted to go through his phone all the time. That's not right and I shouldn't feel that way. 

He also apologized and he's been more cuddly, has paid a lot more attention to me and has bought me flowers and has just been sweet. but Idk I am still bothered.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The porn you're talking about is not adultery. Say that to yourself over and over until you truly get it. This is what we call false equivalency & your husband is using it to control you.

What he is doing is adultery. He is in the wrong. And he probably won't stop because he knows he can guilt and bamboozle you, so he can have his cake and eat it, too.

It is really up to you to stand up for yourself here. It's your life & you can choose to live it with some self-respect. This is very much a choice, not something that is handed to us. And it's a very hard choice to make, esp. when you are heavily pregnant, so you have to be very strong.

No matter what, you need to stop questioning yourself, questioning your feelings and instincts about this. Your H is manipulating you in your most vulnerable state so that he can pursue his selfish desires. You should gather up all your strength to have some self-respect and tell him where to get off.

If you can kick him out, do it.

Just imagine what it would be like if he spent all the time and energy he puts into lying and deceiving you into your marriage. He won't do that if you continually let him get away with his lies.


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> The only thing thats stopping me is the whole porn thing. Like I feel totally ashamed and upset at myself still. When he brings it up I cry. He says I didn't tell anyone about what happened with you. I feel like at this point I need to tell people what I did so he can't hold it against me. I tried to tell him what the difference is, is that those girls are HERE where we live and he got a ride from one when he was drunk. Porn is people we don't know and I know I used what I watched on my hubby and sex is better. I still think it was wrong I watched it but I don't see that nearly as bad as what he has done. I just don't know who to tell first. His mother is in town and I want to tell her so badly. I mean she saw me run out of the room in the middle of the night hysterically crying, shaking and about to leave. At night I still feel upset... and things he says to me he said to the two girls. I so badly also want to confront them like wtf were you thinking?! But that prob won't help any.


What he did was SO not okay. He likes to say that they're "just friends" and he was "making them feel better"..no husband should be saying things to other women that could give them the wrong idea. Do I believe he was _innocent_ in the way he was talking to these women? Definitely not. He knows better. It's time to get really mad missy.. you need to put your foot down. There is a FINE LINE (pretty easily seen IMO) between inappropriate and appropriate conversations with "friends" of the opposite sex. I'm pretty sure he can clearly see that line, but chooses to ignore it anyway. It's just plain wrong. Stop making excuses for him!

And you definitely need to talk to someone about it, if not for your own peace of mind. It will help if you confide in a friend (you don't have to tell hubby about it). I agree with the others..he knows if he's exposed for what he really is, then the game is over. Right now he's still "safe".


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

And what he's doing vs your little porn viewing are two completely different things..


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

AsTheStoryGoes said:


> What he did was SO not okay. He likes to say that they're "just friends" and he was "making them feel better"..no husband should be saying things to other women that could give them the wrong idea. Do I believe he was _innocent_ in the way he was talking to these women? Definitely not. He knows better. It's time to get really mad missy.. you need to put your foot down. There is a FINE LINE (pretty easily seen IMO) between inappropriate and appropriate conversations with "friends" of the opposite sex. I'm pretty sure he can clearly see that line, but chooses to ignore it anyway. It's just plain wrong. Stop making excuses for him!
> 
> And you definitely need to talk to someone about it, if not for your own peace of mind. It will help if you confide in a friend (you don't have to tell hubby about it). I agree with the others..he knows if he's exposed for what he really is, then the game is over. Right now he's still "safe".


I believe I will take everyone's advice and talk to a friend about it. I kept the photos of the messages on my email and phone. He told me to get over it I needed to delete the photos I took. But even if I did they are still burned into my head. And I can't bring it up with him and tell him how I feel daily because he said it hurts him and makes him feel like ****. I wish I would have kept the first messages too but I didn't but I remember what everything that was said.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

AsTheStoryGoes said:


> And what he's doing vs your little porn viewing are two completely different things..


I agree and I haven't viewed it ever again. I feel disgusted with myself still and that incident happened MONTHS ago. He says I don't look through your phone, I forgave you, you should forgive me. I gave you a chance, give me one.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

He is a master manipulator. You are attractive (my daughter is half Filipino so I know you're pretty), you're young, even with kids you still have a lot of potential in life. Don't be cowed by his manipulations. Talk to his mother. Then tell him to move out for a while. Tell him he can come home when he wants to be home. Maybe.

My favorite saying is, you have to be willing to lose your marriage, to save it. But really he sounds just childish and he needs a smack in the face to wake him up. Tell him if he wants to be with other girls, you can arrange that easily. Divorce.

No more facebook. Delete the account and it's gone forever. You want passwords to his phone, email, etc. As an example, my wife has full access to all my accounts and I've never cheated on her. We are married so I share all I have with her. This is normal behavior. If he doesn't want to do that he really doesn't want to be married. I mean come on, you'll smash your private parts together, you'll swap spit, exchange bodily fluids, but won't share facebook? Really??


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

sandc said:


> He is a master manipulator. You are attractive (my daughter is half Filipino so I know you're pretty), you're young, even with kids you still have a lot of potential in life. Don't be cowed by his manipulations. Talk to his mother. Then tell him to move out for a while. Tell him he can come home when he wants to be home. Maybe.
> 
> My favorite saying is, you have to be willing to lose your marriage, to save it. But really he sounds just childish and he needs a smack in the face to wake him up. Tell him if he wants to be with other girls, you can arrange that easily. Divorce.
> 
> No more facebook. Delete the account and it's gone forever. You want passwords to his phone, email, etc. As an example, my wife has full access to all my accounts and I've never cheated on her. We are married so I share all I have with her. This is normal behavior. If he doesn't want to do that he really doesn't want to be married. I mean come on, you'll smash your private parts together, you'll swap spit, exchange bodily fluids, but won't share facebook? Really??


The thing that gets me is that he says he left his phone unlocked because he has nothing to hide. If he wanted to hide what he did he would have put a lock on his phone. but he was acting funny with his phone like hovering over me when I went to look at a text from my dad. or if I picked up his phone. I mean he wouldn't even let me forward a text from my dad that I needed to be on my phone he said let me do it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> The thing that gets me is that he says he left his phone unlocked because he has nothing to hide. If he wanted to hide what he did he would have put a lock on his phone. but he was acting funny with his phone like hovering over me when I went to look at a text from my dad. or if I picked up his phone. I mean he wouldn't even let me forward a text from my dad that I needed to be on my phone he said let me do it.


 It's called gaslighting, a manioulative tactic to make you doubt your own perceptions, even sanity. It can be very abusive at times. Google it.


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

Just so you know, nothing is wrong with watching porn and enjoying it. If you husband is not giving you attention or being sexual with you, and sometimes it is actually hard when your 8 months pregnant and most men don't want to have sex with pregnant wife often, I still did, but sometimes its awkward ; then masturbate and enjoy the porn, its not illegal in your marriage and its healthy, if your not abusing it and giving it up to your hubby when he wants it.

Him comparing porn to him cheating with other women so so ridiculous I don't even know what the call it, and my dear, believe it he has had sex with these women, you can bet on it based on the way he is hiding. I know, I have done bad things and I acted like your husband. You need to let his and your parents know, so you can embarass the as*hole. If he truly loves you he will understand you did it to protect your family from the hounds that are at bay (the other women). 

Take control because your husband sounds like a insensitive prick, I feel for you sweetie. You sound like a beautiful compassionate woman and your young. Very YOUNG, so learn and grow and move on if you think it is the right thing. Your husband will probably not change, he is too immature. There is no privacy in marriage except going to the bathroom to POOP, even then I walk in on my wife LOL and she doesn't care, because we are married, we are one. 

You deserve to be treated with respect and love and your husband is not doing either. Kick where it hurts by telling his parents and showing the evidence. That way he will be embarassed and will stop. I recommend leaving him, because I think and believe he has are had sex with these women, if not them then prostitutes. These are the type of guys that pay for sex. I KNOW!!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

freckledpinay said:


> I want to find out more but he deleted his facebook to start over. The girl he had sex with also got a married military man in trouble for having sex with him. I mean shes a hefer. She even asked what about your wife? And asked is texting a no no? My husband said no my wife doesnt go through my phone. Dumb ass doesnt know but i took pictures of the messages and emailed them to myself. He keeps saying the same thing over and over that they are friends n he was trying to make her feel better. Hes more lovey to me but like i have no idea about texting because he can easily delete the messages and etc.  its so hard im having our first baby together on monday. If he doenst pull his head out of his ass im leaving.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Time to break out the texts that you emailed yourself. Ask him about the text message about sleeping with her. This is enough evidence to bring it up and demand the truth. Is there anyway you can get his call logs? Are you on his account? if so call the cell phone company and get his texts messages. I think they save them for 30 days (Or more) What kind of phone does he have? You can install a key logger on some types of smart phones. 

If he is deleting all of his text message that is a huge red flag! They are more then just friends, they have had sex at least once!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

freckledpinay said:


> I believe I will take everyone's advice and talk to a friend about it. I kept the photos of the messages on my email and phone. He told me to get over it I needed to delete the photos I took. But even if I did they are still burned into my head. And I can't bring it up with him and tell him how I feel daily because he said it hurts him and makes him feel like ****. I wish I would have kept the first messages too but I didn't but I remember what everything that was said.


 Don't get rid of them. Your husband is an *******. You need to go get checked out for STD's


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

freckledpinay said:


> I want to talk to his mom about it but I don't know if that's a good idea


It is. Call her right now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

freckledpinay said:


> The thing that gets me is that he says he left his phone unlocked because he has nothing to hide.


Translation of a cheating husband with a very pregnant wife: I know you won't leave me and I'm teaching you to accept that I WILL screw anyone I want, dammit. So F you. Read the messages all you want. I'm not scared of you.

Know how to make him scared? Go see a lawyer and have him write up how much he's going to have to pay you in child support once you divorce him. (note: you don't have to really divorce him - just show him you WILL)


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> Also he wouldn't care if I was talking because he's not a jealous guy. That's what he says.


When does he say this? When guys are chatting with you, or ONLY when you ask him about his cheating? He is BSing you! 

Why was porn on your phone an issue? Did he disapprove? Was he a jealous guy?


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Well here's an update:
this morning I had a feeling and followed it. Come to find out my husband has an account with benaughty.com and he paid for something. And he has couple other accounts like POF, click and flirt, Adult friend finder and stuff... I am not even upset or in shock. I am not even pissed. I have no idea how to feel. I guess I feel sick. Like he made the benaughty.com account this month! and its marked that he wants email, chat, swinging, nothing serious, private relationship and other.Idk how to even bring up that I looked at his phone again this morning.


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

And im due monday... fml :'(


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

fcvk your husband, not you. You should take him for half he has and make him pay child support. Win/Win for you. You leave a loser husband and move forward in life. Trust me plenty of good men out there.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry. 

Please make plans to kick him out. Maybe not right now, but gather your family and his family and prepare them that he will be gone. Go to your local community resources and get them to help you get him to financially support you when he leaves.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Go talk to your parents. Tell them what's going on. Talk to his mom. He gets pissed? Big fvcking deal! He's been cheating on you, and trying to make you look insecure/crazy about it. Don't let him keep it hidden. Bring it out into the open. If he wants to reconcile, make it on YOUR terms, NOT HIS! Complete, and total transparency on everything...cell, social media, email, EVERYTHING. If he is unwilling to do so... kick him out! Look at it this way: would you rather be free to find someone who will truly respect you or constantly wonder if he's going to bring a disease home to you every time you have sex?


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## freckledpinay (Oct 24, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Go talk to your parents. Tell them what's going on. Talk to his mom. He gets pissed? Big fvcking deal! He's been cheating on you, and trying to make you look insecure/crazy about it. Don't let him keep it hidden. Bring it out into the open. If he wants to reconcile, make it on YOUR terms, NOT HIS! Complete, and total transparency on everything...cell, social media, email, EVERYTHING. If he is unwilling to do so... kick him out! Look at it this way: would you rather be free to find someone who will truly respect you or constantly wonder if he's going to bring a disease home to you every time you have sex?


Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

The trauma of finding out infidelity is bad, but when you are 8 months pregnant? That is just horrible. No DECENT man would ever do such a thing. He doesn't deserve to have you or your child in his life. You want to be in denial, but soon you will realize you cannot live with a manipulative man that will not be faithful to you. I am so sorry you are hurting so badly especially at such an important time. My heart goes out to you. Please do not be silent about this. Expose him and lean on your friends and family for support.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

freckledpinay said:


> Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.


Stop making excuses for HIS behavior, it's almost as bad as his gaslighting you.
You're doing your own part of rug sweeeping his behavior. 
What more do you need?
Do you actually need to see him having sex with another woman for you to get that he's actively seeking out other women while he's married to you?
Talk to someone, just get this out in the open!
Affairs/infidelity thrive in the dark, it's often part of the allure of them, it's pretty damn hard to cheat when everyone knows what you're doing.

He's not going to stop unless something drastic happens, looking through his phone won't make him stop, time to make an appt to see an attorney & a therapist.
Get your ducks in a row & make the change you want to see in your life.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

freckledpinay said:


> Thing is is that he made these accounts in the begging of October and hasn't used them since. I checked. And he has been telling me he wants to focus on his family etc. I want to bring it up because in my mind its like why do you have this? and what do you need it for? I don't have any of that... I just am a very passive person and I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up especially with his mom. Who his family thinks he's absolutely perfect. Like they always say he's a God sent. :/ I feel bad showing them what has been hurting me and bothering me. I know he loves me I really do and he stays with me ALL the time.


A Godsend who cheats on you?

You need to get some other perspectives on what a real husband is like, ok? Real husbands treat their wives with respect. 

He stays with you, but does he meet your needs? Does he put you first? Or does he expect you to take care of him, when you're 8 months pregnant? WhenI was pregnant, my huband took me to work every day, he made me dinner, he cleaned the catbox, he did all the chores. Does that describe your husband? Or is he just staying in the same house as you?


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## Bonnie (Nov 16, 2012)

he needs to take ownership for what he did. And yes, your pregnant, and its safe to take you for granted at this time. And is he didnt like you watching porn-which is ok-means he is also jealous. Put him on his toes. he shouldnt be leaving you home alone pregnant with a toddler........he needs to be man up, be home with his family. It does sound like he needs to grow up


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

He's gas lighting, blameshifting, & actively looking for an affair partner or **** buddy.

He has you manipulated into believing behavior that wouldn't be tolerated by any spouse is no big deal.
If my wife found on my phone what you've found I'd be getting divorced yet while you're upset you really don't seem to grasp the seriousness of his actions.

You need to come down hard on him with the possibility of divorce.

Demand all passwords to all communication devices.
If he balks, get a lawyer.
He's playing you for a fool

I bet if you put a VAR in his car you'd lose your mind over the things you discover.

He's a cheater and he's skilled at choosing his victim and skilled at manipulating her.
This tells me this isn't his first time. He's too practiced to be a beginner.

I'd bet a paycheck he has a history of infidelity in previous relationships as well as yours.
I bet he's rarely been caught as he's far to ****y about it.

Sadly, this level of deceit in a person can rarely be fixed.
I think you got a very bad man there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

The OP has not posted in 6 months since she started this thread !!?? God willing everything has turned out for the better between her and her husband ......... and that she gave birth to a healthy child !!?


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Hate to say I don't think the OP is responding anymore. 

From original content last message from OP: 10-27-2012, 08:10 PM 

Thread from the dead.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The Zombies got her.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Shyte I can't believe I fell for that. LOL where did I put that dunce cap again.....


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## xrsm002 (May 23, 2013)

freckledpinay said:


> Recently my husband had been acting different. I had noticed he had been wanting to go out to hookah bars a lot lately and I was left home with our 2 year old and I am 8 months pregnant.
> 
> At night I would notice his phone would light up and girls would be sending him facebook messages. I ignored them thinking well maybe im a paranoid girl. He can have girl friends. Well it got to me one day.
> 
> ...


I wish I could get my wife to look at porn


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## G.S (Oct 8, 2014)

I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

G.S said:


> I have found out that for the last 2 years my wife (after 17 years of marriage and 2 children) was checking on regular basis on her ex boyfriend (from 20 years ago). i found only the searches nothing else. she sometimes was checking his profile several times /day . i confronted her and she was saying that it was nothing , just stupidity and a bit of curiosity. I am on the verge of separation because of that and i felt (still do) really hurt. any thoughts!! every little helps!


You should make your own thread on the subject. Because brains.


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