# Have you ever cheated?



## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

*If you answered yes to one or more options in the poll above please explain how you cheated, how many times (ie. different affair partners) you cheated with and how long did it/each time last and did you reconcile?*

*Edit: clearing some confusion: poll options 3 and 4 are essentially the same thing as in some countries living together with your partner is recognized by the law as a common-law marriage. So you should pick only one of those two options.*

Here is my story. The only time I have cheated I was 14 or 15 and was in an exclusive relationship. I was at friend's place and got drunk and there was this girl I barely knew. During the evening we "made out", no sex though. The next day the girl went and told my girlfriend and she broke up with me. After that she wouldn't talk to me at all so I pleaded my big sister (lol) to go and persuade my exgf to come and talk. She managed to bring her and after some talking and few days she eventually forgave and we got back together. Lame story huh?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I admit I am sometimes dense but I don't see a poll! At any rate I have never cheated. and never saw it as an option. Was once a victim of it long ago. Those wounds never heal!!!!


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Stonewall said:


> I admit I am sometimes dense but I don't see a poll! At any rate I have never cheated. and never saw it as an option. Was once a victim of it long ago. Those wounds never heal!!!!


Hmm, that's strange. There is three answers already (mine and two no).


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Now I can see it. Maybe the page just didn't load completely. IDK.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I never cheated on my old lady but I did cheat my old lady out of a healthy marraige (thanks mom and dad for a great examble of a healthy marriage)....

I'm not going to take the blame for Mrs. the-guy for screwing around on me for years but I am going to admit to cheating her out of a good marriage. I figure she could have left but no she found a bandaid for my abuse and for 13 years she has had 20 bandaids.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This poll allows for multiple answers. I cheated several times when I was young and stupid. I had the attitude of unless there was a ring on it I was free to do as I please. *I no longer believe this.* I cheated on exclusives and once when I was living with someone.

I've been faithful since my husband I became exclusive and we've been married for almost 22 years.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> This poll allows for multiple answers. I cheated several times when I was young and stupid. I had the stupid attitude of unless there was a ring on it I was free to do as I please. *I no longer believe this.* I cheated on exclusives and once when I was living with someone.
> 
> I've been faithful since my husband I became exclusive and we've been married for almost 22 years.


Sounds like me and Mavash are the only one who believe that once a cheater *not* always a cheater:lol:

Now lets see if Mrs.the-guy follow in Mavash's foot steps


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> This poll allows for multiple answers. I cheated several times when I was young and stupid. I had the attitude of unless there was a ring on it I was free to do as I please. *I no longer believe this.* I cheated on exclusives and once when I was living with someone.
> 
> I've been faithful since my husband I became exclusive and we've been married for almost 22 years.


Yes I enabled the multiple choice for those who have cheated more than once with different marital status. You can also see who voted what.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I had an EA with a guy that quickly escalated into phone & cyber sex while in an exclusive relationship with my then boyfriend of four years. I was young and naive and when the EA started I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong. The EA guy was an old friend from college who moved away to another state and despite all of our talking we never made plans to travel and see each other so I guess I used that as a way to justify to myself that what I was doing wasn't hurting anyone. When my long term BF found out he was devastated and it really wasnt until then that I realized what I had been doing was a form of cheating. Our relationship imploded soon after that. 

I learned a good lesson from that experience and in my marriage I am very guarded about who I am friends with and how I carry myself around the opposite sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

the guy said:


> Sounds like me and Mavash are the only one who believe that once a cheater *not* always a cheater:lol:
> 
> Now lets see if Mrs.the-guy follow in Mavash's foot steps


I am 100% positive, without a shadow of a doubt, my husband would leave me if I ever cheated on him.

How do I know this? He left his fiance at the alter when he found out she cheated.

That's enough to keep me inline. My boundaries have boundaries when it comes to men. I'm fully aware of my weaknesses.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

kag123 said:


> I am very guarded about who I am friends with and how I carry myself around the opposite sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now thats a mission statement that should be in any/all marriage vows.

I always figured my chick was always around when she wasn't. This thinking keep me out of trouble..except my chick didn't think the same way.

This is were the my anger and the abuse really came out. I mean if I could do it why couldn't she?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

You probably would have more responses or more honest responses had you made this a private poll instead of a public poll.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

I was cheated on the first time at the age that every young man or woman "should" be using a fair amount of good judgement. You know right from wrong. When you walk in on it, you lose your innocence and your trust of people forever. Those wounds do heal, but the experience and the scar last forever. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I think about it from time to time. This was 28 years ago. That should tell you something. I have never, ever and I never will, I'm not wired like that. It hurts too much. On top of that I would lose all respect from my mother, aunts, girl cousins and so on. IMHO, it's easier to remain faithful, rather than to deceive. Just me.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> You probably would have more responses or more honest responses had you made this a private poll instead of a public poll.


Yes, I realise this but I believe most people have no problem telling since it happened in the past and most people are here anonymously. Of course if there's people who have cheated their current partner who also are on this forum it's a bit problematic for them.

Anyway, keep the answer's coming, thanks!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

No, not even on a math test.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

met up with an ex-gf (innocent intention) while in an exclusive relationship. Missed the last train, ended up staying over. Got more intimate than was sensible, although short of sex (no oral either)

Admitted to gf, with remorse - now married 17+ years - no further incidents, and am very careful cos opportunity isn't lacking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Proud to say NO. 

I've been cheated on by every one of my exes, and that was not my fault. I admit I went after some childish women with problems, I see that now. But I could not bring myself to cheat no matter what.


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## Craig49 (Jul 17, 2013)

I have never cheated but my wife did.

But I did cheat myself by not dealing with it properly at the time, but now is my time.

Craig


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I did not cheat.

Even after finding out her EA (?) and being alone in a different country, despite several chances, I did not.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

I guess it depends on who you talk to. After I found out about my ex-wife's affair, I kicked her out on the street and went on a 2 or 3 month sex and alcohol fest. Legally we were still married but we were certainly separated, as I never let her back in the door until she came to get her things , post divorce. some people say that is cheating, but I say it's not.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Once, just short of intercourse.

Was with my ex. By that point her LD, manipulative (and mentally unstable) nature had revealed itself. I knew I had been "baited and switched" (she admitted to it). Things were bad. Way bad.

Our sex had gone down to about once every six weeks or longer. I'd become a complete doormat.

I was not then smart enough, or man enough to make the hard choices or stand up for myself, nor did I have the knowledge to make it better, or to just realize it was already over and the time to walk away from that batchit crazy woman had passed long before.

Out with a younger co-worker. Circumstances are a long story, but we worked together alone often (covert law enforcement work). One of those women who needs to be wanted by everyone, and it drove her nuts I guess that she couldn't "get me". Well, one night we had a bit (a lot) to drink, were alone in one of our "cool rooms" (covert location for doing deals that doubled as party pads, or crash pads for the guys who were in the "dog house") and I stupidly said "hey, you keep teasing that you have a great body, and would show me sometime. Let's see it". No sooner were the words out of my mouth, and her top and bra were off, and she was down to her panties. I said "hey, come on, let's see it all", and the panties hit the floor.

Heavy make out / groping session on the couch, followed by a walk to the bed and some oral.

Right before I was about to go PIV with her, I stopped, got up, got dressed, and left. Walked into the door of our home, with my W soundly asleep in bed, at 4 a.m.

My ex was 6 months pregnant at the time.

Not my finest moment. Not even close.

The one and only time in my life.

One of the biggest regrets of my life...and has not really a thing to do with my ex, but rather ME, and how I feel about ME, and the type of man I was raised to be.

The way I felt after was just confirmation of why I'd never even come close to that before (or since).

What a douche nozzle I was for that. Lowest of the low.

Not even sure today how it came over me. I've had opportunities before and since, and the thought of it has always been so distasteful to me. Why, that one time? I guess a combination of things...a very LD, spiteful, alcoholic, and mean wife. And me not knowing how to deal with it, and not being man enough to handle it correctly. 

Things had gotten so bad at that point, I can honestly say I didn't much care about hurting her (she never did find out, but had she, that was not my greatest concern). But, I know what I did. That I wasn't man enough to take the honorable path. And that still troubles me this 20 years later. 

Learned a big lesson that night. That being, if you're not happy, DEAL WITH IT LIKE A MAN. Be that walking away from it, leading the way to making it better, or having the balls to "man up" and move on, CHEATING instantly makes you less of a man than almost anything else you can do.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Nsweet said:


> Proud to say NO.
> 
> I've been cheated on by every one of my exes, and that was not my fault. I admit I went after some childish women with problems, I see that now. But I could not bring myself to cheat no matter what.


So you figured out the glitch in your matrix.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

treyvion said:


> So you figured out the glitch in your matrix.


Boy, I'll say....

I made a commitment, no more goth chicks.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Yeah. Twice, in two different exclusive relationships.
First it was in my 20's. My bf cheated on me physically before and just started an online EA with a new girl from a different city. He went there to meet with her and lied to me about where he's going. I found out from his best friend, who was eyeing me for a while. I got so hurt and so angry that I started what you call a revenge affair. I made sure he finds out and it kicks him where it most can hurt him - his pride. We broke up, got back together, tried to make it work...he cheated again, we broke up again, got back again...until I got fed up. I don't feel guilty about sex with his friend- he deserved it, and it cooled me down a bit.

Second, I was with a nice guy who didn't deserve it. There was no love, but I have been single for a while and started to think I could find no better. So I was settling for this guy. A year or so in the relationship I fell for a co-worker, and started an EA. Ashamed to admit that I didn't break it off with my bf , but kept him as a plan B in case it didn't work out with the new guy. I did break it off eventually, after the EA and PA became a committed relationship. Not proud of this. 

I now love my hubby and would never cross my mind to cheat on him. I don't have eyes for anyone else. I've found The One.


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## Adam801 (Apr 21, 2013)

This may sound bad but unless your married I don't see it as cheating. Or I don't view it as being that bad. I guess it comes down to commitment level. While dating, or exclusively dating someone I didn't tell the other person I made out with someone else. (No intercourse). I felt bad but didn't see the point to sacrificing the other persons happiness to clear my conscious. Been faithful since I considered engagement with my wife of 12 years.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Adam801 said:


> While dating, or exclusively dating someone I didn't tell the other person I made out with someone else. (No intercourse). I felt bad but didn't see the point to sacrificing the other persons happiness to clear my conscious. Been faithful since I considered engagement with my wife of 12 years.


I have this belief regardless if dating or married. Why drop the burden in your spouse's lap just to unease your conscience. Unless they can find out from someone else, in my opinion, there's no need to tell them. Just end the affair - or better yet, never start it ! - and shut up. Make up to them by becoming a warm, faithful spouse from now on. I see no point in hurting them with a confession, but I know, most BS don't agree with me here.

As for it's not cheating unless you're married, there I disagree. It Is cheating anyway if you are in an exclusive relationship. If you discussed about being boyfriend and girlfriend, and exchanged "I love you's" and view yourself as a couple. 
Our significant other has feelings, dreams and hopes about us.
The lack of the marriage vow doesn't make those feelings less valid. It hurts the same to see the person we love cheating on us with someone else.

Cheating is a selfish action. Married or not...


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I never have despite some easy opportunities (especially in the Navy). I'm the faithful sort.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I see the topic has slowly died. I was hoping there were more voters. Only three has admitted to cheating while married which is suprising. I'm quite sure there's a lot more on this forum just by reading the threads in here.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I cheated on my first wife, I'm now married to my ap now for almost 10 years. It was a sh*tty thing to do, and i should have left her first and done things differently. When she quit having sex with me, I felt she checked out of the marriage and she was just a roomate at that point. I tried everything I knew of to make things work, fact is, she is ld and I am hd, just mismatched drives. She did the classic bait and switch, but I was young and stupid. I actually cheated on her twice, once before marriage and once after. I'm happy now, get all of my needs met, I love her, she loves me. Nsweets comment makes me a bit nervous, lol, current wife is a goth chick.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have cheated and been cheated on.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Nope. I give credit to how I was raised by my Pop.

Ever since I can remember, he hammered it into my head that a man's word is his bond. Period. End of story.

If you break it, you betray yourself.

I also have no tolerance for relationships where my lady keeps secrets, is dishonest, or acts shady.

I don't do it to others and refuse to accept it being done to me.

Actually had a few ex's who were shocked when I dumped them at the first hint of this bs.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

That's a good principle to have if you can keep it up. Meaning not tolerating bs. Many of us fail at it badly though.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

A month or so after we filed for legal separation, my second ex-wife started dating one of her co-workers. I asked her if she was planning on sleeping with him and she said if the opportunity presented itself she probably would. I had to give her credit for being honest. 

So about a week after that she did end up sleeping with him. I wasn't really upset as I had pretty much checked out. So I then decided that since she considered herself divorced already, then I could go out and do wnat I wanted to do. So a few weeks later I went on a weekend skiing trip with another woman and slept with her. When my STBXW found out she got extremely upset and called me crying. 


She admitted it was hypocritical for her to be upset, given she had slept with her coworker; but she said she still had some feelings of connection to me and that the reality of me sleeping with someone else was not something she was prepared for. So she and I agreed from that point on to abstain from sleeping with others or dating until the divorce was final, and we did. 

I don't know if it was legally adultery since we had filed for legal separation. Morally? It probably was. It sure did not sit well with either of us. I think it put the nail in the coffin in regards to us remaining friends.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

LostViking,

I do not consider your situation to be cheating.

In your mind, she undoubtedly put an end to any chances of R when she crossed that line.

You were free at that time, IMO, to do what you wanted.

Your exW is a ridiculous fool for how she reacted. 

I cannot believe how some WS seem to think that their friendships and lives with their BS will just continue on as if nothing has happened. Then they are shocked and hurt when this fantasy view of the world gets shattered.

I heard from mutual friends that my cheating exGF got very upset when she heard that I was seeing a couple different girls a few months after we split.

All I could do was laugh at how ridiculous she was after I heard that.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Thanks for the reply Dyokemm. To be honest I wasn't really upset when she slept with the guy because I had emotionally checked out on her long before that. To me it was just one more straw of BS on top of a whole pile of BS that I had been putting up with from her for a couple of years. She slept with him a couple of times and I think it just wasn't the pleasurable enrapturing experience she thought it would be. So she broke it off with him right after she found out I had slept with another woman. 

Not an episode of my life that I am particularly proud of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Thanks for the reply Dyokemm. To be honest I wasn't really upset when she slept with the guy because I had emotionally checked out on her long before that. To me it was just one more straw of BS on top of a whole pile of BS that I had been putting up with from her for a couple of years. She slept with him a couple of times and I think it just wasn't the pleasurable enrapturing experience she thought it would be. So she broke it off with him right after she found out I had slept with another woman.
> 
> Not an episode of my life that I am particularly proud of.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LostViking,

Did you cheating on her wake her up and get her to straighten up? Cheating is not good advice, but it will show a cheater what they are doing is nothing special.

Also they will want to hold onto you...

Consider it like showing a country with nukes that you also have some of your own.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

treyvion said:


> LostViking,
> 
> Did you cheating on her wake her up and get her to straighten up? Cheating is not good advice, but it will show a cheater what they are doing is nothing special.
> 
> ...


So do you consider what she and I did cheating?

I think my sleeping with another woman was definitely a splash of water in my ex-wife's face. I think she thought she would be okay with me moving on quickly as long as she was doing the same, but those marital bonds can sometimes be hard to break. It really shook her up and she apologized profusely to me, even though I was not really very upset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Just selfish always ONS or multiple night stands. Wanting the new sexual experiences almost like trying new restaurants relishing in the subtle differences between women....... no emotion just a game. 10-12 different woman.

Been faithful for 16 years now, but from time to time I do think about it. Then I go listen to christian music..........lol.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

OK so in my first marriage we had a threesome with her best friend. Later, bf and I got together on a few occasions until she foun dher own boyfriend. technically I guess that's cheating, because W didn't know we were doing it, but she had to figure we would after the threesome (never cheated before that). I didn't cheat on her again, but she left me years later for a married guy. 

Since then, I've cheated and been cheated on, both in marriage and other LTRs. But not all of them. 

Since fWW cheated on me, based on my past I guess it's karma. however, I haven't cheated on her and will never do so. And yes, I get opportunities all the time. Who doesn't? It's so far OUT of my DNA now as to be impossible.

I only hope it's the same in her heart.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I had to answer Yes to "Yes, while in exclusive relationship (not living together)". I did it twice. I wish I could have said no.

The "BUT" for me is:

- It happened when I was young (first time in high school and second time in college).
- while they were considered exclusive relationships, they weren't serious (talking marriage or living together)

Been married 25 years and have been faithful the entire time!


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Never cheated in a relationship. Proud to say this. Women, lot more brilliant and lot sexier than my STBXW tried to get me into their pants over and over again, but my manhood kept its pride. I may be weak and vulnerable in many things, but I got this one right. And after what has been done to me, I am now more certain that I am not going to do it ever. Didn't do it even when I was piss drunk and a superhot babe was throwing herself at me.

All I need to do now is to find a woman who is exactly like I am in this regard. :smthumbup:


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Never cheated.... used to could have said that for hubby 
Only been with one man in my life... hubby :smthumbup:

Still chasing him around the bed 31yrs later! 

Hasn't been a perfect marriage but our marriage.... like we always tell people...."It's our marriage, it is of our making, no one else to blame for it but ourselves if we don't like it."

Live, Love, , Forgive, Heal, Live, Love Again


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

No way and never will no matter what the other person does to me. To me one's honoring their spouse is more important than anything else. Without honor how can you have trust, openess ,etc.

The US Marines say it best
Semper Fi


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

No. Never, not even once. Not even with numerous opportunities. 

And look what good my fidelity has done for me.

If I'd cheated on my wife repeatedly, perhaps she'd actually love me now.

Sick world, huh.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Oh heck no! Not even as revenge on my ex h. I could never do it or live with myself afterwards. I was divorced before I could even date again.

I would never jeopardize my marriage and put my husband through something like this. The thought has never crossed my mind ever.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

My father was a serial cheater and we had to see our mom suffer. This is why my siblings and I have never cheated, because it's abhorrent to us.


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