# What is it with OW's....



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

....who actually believe they take precedence over the wife?

I don't associate myself with women who sleep with other women's husbands. I stopped seeing a hair stylist because she would constantly talk about the married man she was with. This woman would get angry that the man's wife would call him.:rofl: "She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?

A cousin of mine expected her married man not to be intimate with his wife. "We are in a relationship! He shouldn't have sex with someone else while we are together!"  I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are forums for OW/OM. It's a real trip posting on those for the very reason you mention. They just do not get it. If their affair partner wanted to leave their spouse, they would have already left.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I was on a different site the other day and this OW was trying to get help on how his married man can divorce his wife. Smarta$$ was certain he would marry her right after the divorce.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are forums for OW/OM. It's a real trip posting on those for the very reason you mention. They just do not get it. If their affair partner wanted to leave their spouse, they would have already left.


You never know......my sister believes now that her ex husband had an affair with his current partner for 6 years before he asked my sister for a divorce. 

I think he was trying to set things up to his and her financial advantage before asking for a divorce.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are forums for OW/OM. It's a real trip posting on those for the very reason you mention. They just do not get it. If their affair partner wanted to leave their spouse, they would have already left.


I've been lurking one the past week or so.

The self delusion is palpable, it's unreal the twisted rationalizations they truly believe to support these delusions.

I love when they support each other in their delusions it's like a contagious mass insanity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> You never know......my sister believes now that her ex husband had an affair with his current partner for 6 years before he asked my sister for a divorce.
> 
> I think he was trying to set things up to his and her financial advantage before asking for a divorce.


There are of course the one off case where he does eventually divorce the wife.

How long has he been with his AP after the divorce?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> ....who actually believe they take precedence over the wife?
> 
> I don't associate myself with women who sleep with men's husbands. I stopped seeing a hair stylist because she would constantly talk about the married man she was with. This woman would get angry that the man's wife would call him.:rofl: "She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?
> 
> A cousin of mine expected her married man not to be intimate with his wife. "We are in a relationship! He shouldn't have sex with someone else while we are together!"  I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?


I'll try. 

It's as if they were a cute little doggy, and they are on a lovely walk, and they mistake everything they see in the world as their own personal Pissoir...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are of course the one off case where he does eventually divorce the wife.
> 
> How long has he been with his AP after the divorce?


since 2001


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Beyond specific forums the mindset is so normalized... :scratchhead:
How to Get a Man to Leave His Wife: 11 steps - wikiHow


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Beyond specific forums the mindset is so normalized... :scratchhead:
> How to Get a Man to Leave His Wife: 11 steps - wikiHow


Good God... I'd say I can't believe that crap is out there, but I'd be lying. Pisses me off and makes me wonder if DH's OW read something like this. It describes what she did to a T.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

The OW feel it's their duty to help married men have better marriages by having sex with the poor sexless man..(because men never lie, and this is the first time anything like this has happened). They feel they can save this poor retch of a man with blow jobs. 

Yes they have stumbled onto this brow beaten guy who just needs some good old fashioned sex to help him deal with a shrew bag of a wife. 


If the OW is married, she feels entitled not to work on their marriages, and decide that sex on the side is a good compromise. 

Women who are married don't see the harm in having sex with both men, but would feel hurt if the outside guy was slippin it to his wife. I suppose not all, but some. 

It's called the Fog for a reason. Once sex ensues feelings and emotions come into play. From my understanding married men don't divorce their women (what, like 8/10 stay together) 

They feel it's cheating on the guy on the side. They are in love. She gets to be herself, and this guy "gets" me..they justify it by being unhappy and sexless. 

IMHHP...it's just the easier route. It's too scary to talk about the real problems in the marriage, sooo let's just go over here and go out of my way and set up secret emails and Facebook accounts and secretly call and text or Skype. 

Take extra trips, lie to everyone, set up a secret life, sexting, dating at the expendable availability of your current partner, getting secret phones, guarding the current phone with your life. 

Switching email passwords constantly, having secret meets for sex, planning day trips with the AP, developing a life with someone else, learning another's likes and dislikes, pet names...

Yea, this sounds sooo much easier than talking to your spouse. 


I guess if you went through all that work and effort, why not feel hurt that your ap is having relations with his wife...


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

the only real way to know this is to get inside the mind of OW/OM.

i had a link to such a forum(not going there), and the mindset in incredible to say the least. these people have no morals whatsoever. 

i have more respect for people in an "open" marriage and into the swinging "lifestyle." at least, _they_ are in mutual agreement concerning their "relationship" status.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Most of this just came out of talks with my husband. Most came from him. We were just bouncing around ideas, and I made a joke about him being tired from work and having a early day, sex is on hold foe a couple of days. 

So i said how do people having affairs work, play with their kids, maybe still have sex with their spouse, hang out with friends, household cooking and cleaning....

And still have the time and engery to text, sext, Skype, call, and meet up for sex.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The same goes for OM.
I think that once an emotional attachment is made there is a illusion of a conventional relationship.
In my case, one OM invited fWW to tv professional sporting event, that I watch. So no my fWW cant' go to the ballgame.

Another case was when OM mentioned if fWW was still having sex with me and fWW said yes the OM got upset....go figure.

There is this need I think that the AP wants more and they want to go out in the light of day and show off there prize. Only to be shut down and forced to stay in the cover of darkness by the wayward.

The point is there are several cases that my fWW had with OM that just were so crazy. Its almost like the OM's denied the fact that they were dating a married women. 

I mean the whole meeting the OM family and getting to close really pushed my fWW away ......to find someone else that understood the score.

I really think that after a few hook ups the AP just gets so connected that they them selves are in a fog.

Having looked at some pro affair forums, these AP really struggle with the relationship with a married spouse, only to be dissapointed time and again.Its nuts!!!!


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

This thread caught my eye instantly because I have been having the same question for sometimes. I know (not personally thought but from H) of a bunch of them who are my H's x colleagues who I heard would fight and scream if their lover calls or buys something for their wives. These men have lied nasty things to these OW about their wives to make them feel good, thus these *$%$% think they are the Saviours and have the right to say.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

And what's with the OW giving "marital advise" to the CH, as if they just KNOW all about the real BW and are willing and qualified to help the marriage? And CH actually thought he was being given good advise? :scratchhead:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I guess people can justify and rationalize any behaviour, no matter how reprehensible it is.

When I was younger, I met a married man who did not wear a ring and told me he was married on our first date. I immediately stopped seeing him. He fed me the typical sob story about his wife not having sex with him. *The poor woman had given birth to twins just one month prior to our date!* What a jerk! I was a very young woman of 24, but I was still savvy enough to understand that ALL cheating spouses tell the AP lies.

I find it very odd that women who are old enough to know better, still allow themselves to believe the common lies from their married men. I would think that after a woman reaches the age of 30, she has been around the block enough times to gain some experience and wisdom. My cousin and that hairstylist were in their forties when they met the married men. My cousin's MM actually left his wife of 25+ years for my relative, but she has to deal with whispers and dirty looks all the time from people who know her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> since 2001


So it's one of the few affair relationsihps that last. Does not prove anything about most affairs.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I was younger, I dated a married man (unbeknownst to me at the time). We dated for 3 months and it was like any other relationship I had. We'd see each other on weekends and maybe during the week...not a big deal...just dating, right? 

One day, i got a call from a woman. A very angry woman, she left a message on my machine. I called her back and was shocked to learn that this was his wife. The poor woman! She yelled and cursed me and I let her. i said nothing and she said, "hello?" lol...I told her she had every right to be angry and that I had no idea he was married. Yes, we had slept together. I told her so, with shame and apology, but I didn't know.

Anyhoo, she asked me if I had plans that evening. Nope, no plans. She said he'd be home by 5 and i should come over. :rofl: I went over at 4ish and brought wine. She was a beautiful woman. Older than myself, but beautiful. They had no children, and their home was lovely. It was surreal. i was not angry, as I had no real right to be angry. It wasn't my life he was f*ckin up, we were just dating and after i knew he was married, i was done.

Anyway, she was calm and was not upset with me. We made dinner and then waited on the couch with wine. He came home and saw us both sitting there. LOL! HIS FACE!!! I wish i had a camera at the time. I don't think he could have become any whiter than he already was. he walked in and looked at us and said, "Sh!t." Yup. She smiled and said, "I invited a friend to dinner...hope you don't mind." Then it hit the fan. 

I don't know what happened after that between them. I finished my glass of wine and left. i hope she kicked his ass.

A few months later, my friend's phone rang. It was him. My friend said (loud enough for him to hear), "Hey, T, it's some guy named Chris...claims he dated you?" :rofl: I took the phone and he started to apologize and I laughed and hung up. 

The nerve!

I was young...25ish. After that, I made it a point to ask men if they were married. I could tell by their response if they were lying or not. But I am not into dating married men. i want my own man.

I don't know if that pertains to the OP, but it's a good story nonetheless.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I don't know what happened after that between them. I finished my glass of wine and left. i hope she kicked his ass.
> 
> A few months later, my friend's phone rang. It was him. My friend said (loud enough for him to hear), "Hey, T, it's some guy named Chris...claims he dated you?" :rofl: I took the phone and he started to apologize and I laughed and hung up.
> 
> The nerve.


I am glad you hung up. If he called you two months later, he was hoping to reignite the affair. 

The OW called my husband three months out and six months out and is still calling and driving past the house. 

She apparently doesn't know we are separated, right now. 

I, too, had many opportunities to date married men when single. Some offered to advance my career or buy me cars. I refused. Simple as that. 

They also gave me the phony sob story that the wife mistreats them and doesn't give them enough sex or any sex.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> They also gave me the phony sob story that the wife mistreats them and doesn't give them enough sex or any sex.


I think that is the usual line. Or anything else that could work to get the OW to feel sorry for him and think she is helping. I think most OW's are gullible and able to be manipulated by cheaters. They think the poor guy would be a terrific catch as a husband, and how awful it is that they are stuck with a shrew. The don't realize they are being played. And after deceit has been participated in, they need to be even more blind to the truth, because then they would be a party to the actual level of cheating and deceit...apparently it is okay to take something from someone who doesn't 'appreciate' it, but it hits hard to know you have (1) been manipulated and (2) have participated in hurting someone who is innocent and even struggling to gain intimacy in their marriage (with the cheater.)

My ex-H was a professional manipulator. He had me, his married girlfriend he'd had for years, a woman he had dated off and on, another woman who professed her love for him (married, he used to room in her and her husband's house), and another woman he'd had an on-again off-again affair for 15 years. I was only with him for 5 years and one of those years he was deployed. I think in comparison to all the other women, I was a quick learner! :rofl: I think for some men it is essential to have a wife or a closer relationship in order to play them off against some other woman. Other women would be leery of a man without a woman, he would be exposed for the ratty coyote that he really is (in mythologies...The Trickster.)


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

love shack has a forum supporting ow/om. I couldn't believe my eyes... I actually had to stop reading because it made me sick to my stomach. The worst bit is that the pages are set up almost identically to TAM, except for the different color scheme. It's like a sick twisted joke. I really hope that the same people/company don't own both sites, because that would really piss me off. The thread that made me sick was about how ow pity the wife. Somebody who said 'mass insanity' was spot on. F*ucking sick.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> I am glad you hung up. If he called you two months later, he was hoping to reignite the affair.
> 
> The OW called my husband three months out and six months out and is still calling and driving past the house.
> 
> ...


No matter who they are, exes seem to call me about 2-3 months after breaking up.

I don't go back for seconds. Well, I did once and it was good...for a week.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

that_girl said:


> No matter who they are, exes seem to call me about 2-3 months after breaking up.
> 
> I don't go back for seconds. Well, I did once and it was good...for a week.


Because you are saying you were not away the married cheaters were married your position is very different form Married other woman who target other married men to get them out of unhappy marriages.

My husband was not interested in the OW long term. She is not that attractive, but as he stated she was oozingly available. Not sure what that meant, but you get the picture, I am sure. 

This Married OW is extremely manipulative and uses her nice guy husband. My cheating husband can see her faults all too clearly.

personally, I think my husband and she deserve each other, but he does not want her permanently. 

He wanted a plaything with a dirty mind and mouth. She was what he found. Her texts and emails read like a porn novel. A cheap porn novel, but porn nontheless.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Married women are wonderful conquests for manipulators who like power and control. Not only can they deceive their wife and put one over on a married woman, he even gets to disrupt a marriage. If the woman gets pregnant, or there is the possibility of pregnancy, all the better in the eyes of a manipulator. Once a manipulator has a married woman even to the extent of saying kissing or meeting for a romantic lunch, her goose is cooked, because she can be blackmailed. This is why married women and also married men make great targets for cheaters, they are less likely to be able to talk without having their lives destroyed. Even a single woman who is involved with a married man, or vice versa. If they out their affair partner, it's more than likely instead of support, they are going to be labeled as homebreakers, no matter what the situation was to begin with, like if they were lied to, or even if the marriage was abusive and going to end anyway...appearances are everything. That's why I didn't lay a finger on my guy until I had filed for divorce, and never went out on a date with him, never called or emailed him, nada. If I didn't run into him in a social setting, that was it. No contact. Everything was on the up and up because nobody wants to be seen as a cheater and nobody wants to be seen as a homewrecker. Those are things that gossipers love to embellish.

As for the forum supporting OW, it's likely they do need support, especially when they find out


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think it's because they believe everything the married man tells them.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I think it's because they believe everything the married man tells them.


On some level these woman had to know he was married. There are major clues. Did he take her out on holidays, home to meet the parents, etc. Come on. 

I always knew when I guy was likely married. There are red flags to that, too. My friends and I often discussed them

Also, saying they believe the Married cheaters lies makes it sound as if the OW is an innocent victim who was coerced into doing something immoral. 

It is not the case, based on my own experience with the my cheater husband's other woman.

She is a manipulative user and a parasite. She has never worked, spends her husbands money all to freely, lies to him, lied to my husband about her ulterior motives. 

Also, I am acquainted with women who boast of their conquests with married men. 

They sought it out and went after the married man with all the energy they could muster. 

It's almost as if they took pleasure in the conquest of a married man.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> love shack has a forum supporting ow/om


The main OW suport group I know is calle TOW: Get some insight. (TOW - The Other Woman)


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

My first ex allowed me to divorce him so he could be with his OW. She was a coworker and I suspect the affair had been going on for at least a year before I got suspicious. It was about 2 months after I was pretty certain that we divorced.

He left me (well, let me leave him) for her. I was never able to prove anything and I just wanted OUT. He and his family had all the money and assets; I knew I would never win in court.

A month after I left, I was back at the house getting the rest of my things in a U-haul, and I could clearly see where she had already moved in the house. I also found a greeting card, from 6 months before I left, with some cheesy, sexual innuendo written by her to him.

Nine months after I left, SHE calls me, crying and wanting to know what she did wrong because he cheated on her. WHAT? I was very proud of myself, I was almost too stunned to speak... but, after a few seconds of silence, I said, "What the h*** do you think is so great about you? You think he's leaving his wife after 9 years because you're so f****** special? HA! You were just one of many, girl, you were just the straw that broke this camel's back". She was sobbing as I hung up on her.

I know it was kind of mean, but, no sympathy!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> On some level these woman had to know he was married. There are major clues. Did he take her out on holidays, home to meet the parents, etc. Come on.


Well of course they do. That is who I meant. The ones who know full well he's married and don't give a hoot (just like he doesn't). They believe everything he tells them. I seriously doubt he's telling the OW how great and wonderful his wife is. All the OW hears from the MM (married man) is what a cow/cad/jerk his wife is who doesn't put out and is never happy/nags him and how he wants to leave her--how he's never felt "this way" about anyone before/in a long time. The OW eats it up and from there is where she think the wife is an evil troll. The OW believe everything being told to them. Which was my answer to the thread's question.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

My husband told the OW all the time that he still loved me, wanted to work things out with me and their relationship wasn't anything serious....she told me herself he said these things to her and that she didn't believe him b/c "they were so madly in love" with each other...

*rolls eyes*


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> ....who actually believe they take precedence over the wife?
> 
> I don't associate myself with women who sleep with other women's husbands. I stopped seeing a hair stylist because she would constantly talk about the married man she was with. This woman would get angry that the man's wife would call him.:rofl: "She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?
> 
> A cousin of mine expected her married man not to be intimate with his wife. "We are in a relationship! He shouldn't have sex with someone else while we are together!"  I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?



I've seen many women act and say similar things.. one being my own mother. One day she made the mistake of trying to confide in me about her relationship with this married man she was with.. I straight out told her... "You disgust me." She asked why.. I said.. "You were cheated on yourself and went on about how wrong it is and blabber about loyalty and marriage being sacred then turn around and ruin that sacred bond someone else has?" She then tried to justify it by saying "Well his wife is a ***** and he isn't happy..." I just shook my head told her I don't care and I see her as nothing but a pathetic hypocrite then turned and walked out. I was 13 at the time when this happened. Ever since then.. everytime I run into someone who boasts about being with someone else's man.. I can't help but make rude, snide remarks.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

When you read their posts, it is fairly obvious one is not dealing with the best and brightest.
In a way, they are doing society a service, as the MM/MW seldom has kids with them, and it may keep both the MM's/MW's and OM's/OW's progeny out of the gene pool.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> love shack has a forum supporting ow/om. I couldn't believe my eyes... I actually had to stop reading because it made me sick to my stomach. The worst bit is that the pages are set up almost identically to TAM, except for the different color scheme. It's like a sick twisted joke. I really hope that the same people/company don't own both sites, because that would really piss me off. The thread that made me sick was about how ow pity the wife. Somebody who said 'mass insanity' was spot on. F*ucking sick.


:iagree: I hate Loveshack. The members are ignorant, rude and crazy. I have seen the OW support forum and point blank asked how the OW's deal with the fact that they have ruined someone's marriage and damaged their children. I had people tell me that I was "too judgemental". :rofl::rofl: Morons.

TG, you and I didn't know our MM were already taken. We cannot be blamed for something we weren't aware of.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> :iagree: I hate Loveshack. The members are ignorant, rude and crazy. I have seen the OW support forum and point blank asked how the OW's deal with the fact that they have ruined someone's marriage and damaged their children. *I had people tell me that I was "too judgemental"*. :rofl::rofl: Morons.
> 
> TG, you and I didn't know our MM were already taken. We cannot be blamed for something we weren't aware of.


Oh God...that's like DH's fOW saying "you're gonna throw away 4 years of friendship over this??" Uhhh yes. He admitted to having feelings developing for you. HELL YES we're ending the friendship! [email protected]$$. Seriously, she even said, when I sent her a text from MY phone, that she "want[ed] to hear it from him, not [me] texting from his phone"... LMAO! The thought hadn't occurred to me, but she obviously had been down this road before....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I felt bad for his wife. He was an awful lay.  :rofl:


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

I've been the BS and the OW and for all of you who scorn and laugh at the OW, who is the joke really on? Do you think the joke is on us because we don't get the man? … The man who did nothing but lie .. the man who promised to be true to you … the man who only stopped cheating because he got caught? Thanks, but you can keep that prize. Lucky you - you get to live with the insecurity of knowing he did it once, he could do it again (and he'll be better at it the next time because he was able to learn what not to do the first time he got caught). You get to live with constantly looking over every move he makes. You get to live with the knowledge that he CHOOSE to do this to you, and some of the really lucky ones get to live with the knowledge that he did love the OW. But you got him to stay right … you have history, you have kids… you made a promise - Again, wow, I would love to have a man stay with me because he shared children with me, much better than if he stayed because he actually loved me. But he's oh so sorry right, he really does love you, he doesn't want to lose you… it was all THE FOG! (The fog is something the BS uses to fool themselves about why the affair happened. It happened because the CS wanted it too - not much more to it, the "fog" doesn't carry nearly the power on an individual you think it does). He's staying because he's scared to lose the comfort, scared to lose his kids - it isn't about love for you .. it's fear and survival for him. 
I don't know, to me, letting the OW have him seems to make the BS the winner to me. Laugh away though - you all enjoy your prize.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> I've been the BS and the OW and for all of you who scorn and laugh at the OW, who is the joke really on? Do you think the joke is on us because we don't get the man? … The man who did nothing but lie .. the man who promised to be true to you … the man who only stopped cheating because he got caught? Thanks, but you can keep that prize. Lucky you - you get to live with the insecurity of knowing he did it once, he could do it again (and he'll be better at it the next time because he was able to learn what not to do the first time he got caught). You get to live with constantly looking over every move he makes. You get to live with the knowledge that he CHOOSE to do this to you, and some of the really lucky ones get to live with the knowledge that he did love the OW. But you got him to stay right … you have history, you have kids… you made a promise - Again, wow, I would love to have a man stay with me because he shared children with me, much better than if he stayed because he actually loved me. But he's oh so sorry right, he really does love you, he doesn't want to lose you… it was all THE FOG! (The fog is something the BS uses to fool themselves about why the affair happened. It happened because the CS wanted it too - not much more to it, the "fog" doesn't carry nearly the power on an individual you think it does). He's staying because he's scared to lose the comfort, scared to lose his kids - it isn't about love for you .. it's fear and survival for him.
> I don't know, to me, letting the OW have him seems to make the BS the winner to me. Laugh away though - you all enjoy your prize.



Darling if you were the bs.. why would you be the OW? Secondly don't delude yourself into thinking the WH was actually in love with you. (This goes for all OW's...) He was just clever at manipulating both AP and BS. I'm not saying either BS or OW needs to be laughing at one another or assuming the other is delusional but to go on like you are.. as if having kids with the bs isn't love? Now it could be he quit out of fear.. or he could have actually realized how idiotic and selfish he was. I would think being a BS you would be more understanding of other BS's and how they feel rather then trying to justify an affair. I can understand if you didn't know the WH was taken as apparently that seems to happen alot but still. In my opinion.. if someone is taken.. regardless if they are happy or not.. they do not need to look for satisfaction elsewhere nor should any outsider try to give them such. If it's not working out then they should split with their current spouse instead of cheat. And yes the bs's here KNOW they can't trust their ws like they used to but I highly doubt they think they are the winner.


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Darling if you were the bs.. why would you be the OW? Secondly don't delude yourself into thinking the WH was actually in love with you. (This goes for all OW's...) He was just clever at manipulating both AP and BS. I'm not saying either BS or OW needs to be laughing at one another or assuming the other is delusional but to go on like you are.. as if having kids with the bs isn't love? Now it could be he quit out of fear.. or he could have actually realized how idiotic and selfish he was. I would think being a BS you would be more understanding of other BS's and how they feel rather then trying to justify an affair. I can understand if you didn't know the WH was taken as apparently that seems to happen alot but still. In my opinion.. if someone is taken.. regardless if they are happy or not.. they do not need to look for satisfaction elsewhere nor should any outsider try to give them such. If it's not working out then they should split with their current spouse instead of cheat. And yes the bs's here KNOW they can't trust their ws like they used to but I highly doubt they think they are the winner.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Non I can't see your posts... they appear blank...?


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

Sorry, but the BS is deluding themselves if they think their CS does not fall in love with the OW, it isn't about any fog either, it's about feelings. I'm not saying every affair results in love, but to blindly sweep it aside as an impossibility, that is the BS being in denial. All this blame the BS puts on the OW, did the OW break your vows? Did the OW hold a gun to your H head ... nope, they did not. Most times, it's your H who chased the OW and you know it. And if he didn't chase, he sure didn't put up much or any of a fight did he? So please stop questioning the motives or morals of the OW, whatever they are, it doesn't change what your H did nor does it change that you've chosen to stay M to a known cheat. Stop questioning anybody else's involvement and figure out why you would let a man who chose to do this to you remain in your life and why you couldn't pull up your big girl panties and leave someone who would treat you this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Not every woman stays after being betrayed so big sweeping generalizations aren't the answer. Anyone who cheats is wrong. But to say OW's morals shouldn't be questioned is again, way offside. Is she's knowingly fvcking a married man and helping him betray a marriage or two, then sh really shouldn't be talking about how she's doing an awesome thing. And not every CS falls "in love" as you say. Id hardly call a 1 night stand a true love story. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I agree with that but the point they were making was why some OW's seems to act as if the wife is the ow.. and they the wife. I also think the OW and BS shouldn't be at each others throats but do exactly as in the case of that girl... confront the WS together.. however if the OW KNEW the WH was taken then she is just as much to blame as the WH and this goes for a WW and OM as well. That's my viewpoint anyhow.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> Sorry, but the BS is deluding themselves if they think their CS does not fall in love with the OW, it isn't about any fog either, it's about feelings. I'm not saying every affair results in love, but to blindly sweep it aside as an impossibility, that is the BS being in denial. All this blame the BS puts on the OW, did the OW break your vows? Did the OW hold a gun to your H head ... nope, they did not. Most times, it's your H who chased the OW and you know it. And if he didn't chase, he sure didn't put up much or any of a fight did he? So please stop questioning the motives or morals of the OW, whatever they are, it doesn't change what your H did nor does it change that you've chosen to stay M to a known cheat. Stop questioning anybody else's involvement and figure out why you would let a man who chose to do this to you remain in your life and why you couldn't pull up your big girl panties and leave someone who would treat you this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow... if you read the other threads, we are very aware that our husbands chose to break their vows to us. But does that absolve the OW of their guilt in the situation? Not at all. Honestly, we ask what is going on in the minds of the OW that THEY choose to be with our husbands. What possesses them, when they learn the man is married, to continue the affair? THAT is the point of the thread. And WHY they believe the man. See, I know my part in my husband's EA. And I accept that. And he is getting what he was lacking before. I am getting most of what I was lacking when I had MY EA. So, yes, I was one of those OW as well. And I can tell you honestly, it wasn't love. It was infatuation. The man told me what I wanted to hear and nothing more. I built him up, higher than my husband, because he "understood me"... in reality, he didn't. He just said what he needed to get me hooked. And that's what the ***** did to my husband. She knew ALL about how I was feeling. She was our friend! Not just his, but mine too. I suspected all along that she had a thing for my husband, but I didn't listen to my gut. And she, tho never revealing what she knew about how I was feeling, used that to get into a better position in my husband's mind... all the while saying "oh, I only think of you as a friend" UGH! still makes me mad!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Oh God...that's like DH's fOW saying "you're gonna throw away 4 years of friendship over this??" Uhhh yes. He admitted to having feelings developing for you. HELL YES we're ending the friendship! [email protected]$$. Seriously, she even said, when I sent her a text from MY phone, that she "want[ed] to hear it from him, not [me] texting from his phone"... LMAO! The thought hadn't occurred to me, but she obviously had been down this road before....


:lol::lol: Seriously? What planet do these mofo's _live _on?
Maybe the wives of TAM need to form a gang, to straighten these slags out. "Who you gonna call? SL*TBUSTERS!!"


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

Again, all this focus on the OW, she didn't do this to your marriage - ONS, EA, PA, whichever - your husband did it. Whether the OW knew your H was married or not is irrelevant - HE did this to your marriage. I also didn't make a sweeping statement that all A's resulted in love, I clearly stated this was not true. However, to think all A's are incapable of developing love - DENIAL!
And I still maintain it doesn't matter what the OW thought her place was, you can likely thank your husband for his part in that too. None of this is about what the OW did .. fog ... or anything else, its about what your H did, bottom line. And many times the way an OW acted and felt is a direct result to what YOUR H did and said to her. You stay, you deal. No point questioning anything about the OW - she isn't part of your M.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I am all for divorcing WSs for the reasons non stated.
But, I still feel that, based on the writng I have seen from them,OMs and OWs ae dumber than rocks and should be sterilized for the greater good.

There is one poor imbecilic woman on that Loveshack, Kismet Girl, who expects folks to beleive she has started her medical residency. It is hilarious,as the poor thing , clearly, never got past elementary school.

Another poster pointed out that her timeline, having claimed she was taking the MCAT in January 2010 for admittance that fall. was a few years off and she could not have been a resident after a year and a half of med school. She and the other OWs went nuts on the guy for pointing out her lies.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> "Who you gonna call? SL*TBUSTERS!!"


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
I snorted when I laughed at this. That rarely happens! LMAO!


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

OW are lawyers, nurses, doctors, judges and any profession inbetween. They are also smart enough to keep an A going, often for many years, without the BS having a clue. What could that say about the BS? Despite the obvious inconsistencies of the woman you mentioned on "Loveshack", never underestimate the intelligence of any woman, lest an OW especially.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> Again, all this focus on the OW, she didn't do this to your marriage - ONS, EA, PA, whichever - your husband did it. Whether the OW knew your H was married or not is irrelevant - HE did this to your marriage. I also didn't make a sweeping statement that all A's resulted in love, I clearly stated this was not true. However, to think all A's are incapable of developing love - DENIAL!
> And I still maintain it doesn't matter what the OW thought her place was, you can likely thank your husband for his part in that too. None of this is about what the OW did .. fog ... or anything else, its about what your H did, bottom line. And many times the way an OW acted and felt is a direct result to what YOUR H did and said to her. You stay, you deal. No point questioning anything about the OW -* she isn't part of your M.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THIS I will agree with. And you know what? For SOME OW, yes, they work off what the H has said/done. But what of those who sit and wait, to hook their claws in, when they are vulnerable. I know my husband would not have even CONSIDERED his EA had I not pushed him away. I take ownership of that. I live with that everyday. Fortunately, his was caught in the beginning stages. And he agreed that our marriage was far more important than that chick. Granted, not all are like that. And yes, I believe that, had his continued, he would have fallen for her. But it didn't, and he didn't. For that, I am thankful. And we have cut out the biggest catalyst to our straying. Guess what! It's working. I know my husband was guilty. But SHE was JUST as guilty. Not for breaking my marriage vows, but for breaking the promise to the fiance she CLAIMS was cheating on her. She chose to betray our friendship by making a play for my husband. He was vulnerable in more ways than just my pushing him away. There were many factors to the situation, all of which she was privy to. And that makes her just as guilty in the situation... in different way, but still guilty.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

nonjudgemental said:


> Again, all this focus on the OW, she didn't do this to your marriage - ONS, EA, PA, whichever - your husband did it. Whether the OW knew your H was married or not is irrelevant - HE did this to your marriage. I also didn't make a sweeping statement that all A's resulted in love, I clearly stated this was not true. However, to think all A's are incapable of developing love - DENIAL!
> And I still maintain it doesn't matter what the OW thought her place was, you can likely thank your husband for his part in that too. None of this is about what the OW did .. fog ... or anything else, its about what your H did, bottom line. And many times the way an OW acted and felt is a direct result to what YOUR H did and said to her. You stay, you deal. No point questioning anything about the OW - she isn't part of your M.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The OW's play a part in the demise of the marriage too. If they did not say yes to a married man, he would have nobody to cheat with. *Both *of them are to blame. 

You sound like you're trying to make yourself feel better for being an OW. When you say "don't blame the OW", you truly mean "I want to deny any responsibility for my wrongdoings. Please stop pointing out that my actions are terrible." You will not find any sympathy for OW's or OM on this website because TAM is pro-marriage. 

I'm sure that some affairs result in love-my cousin's MM left his wife of nearly 30 years for her, after more than five years of cheating. It is a damaged and flawed "love" because how can she trust a man who would cheat on his wife? My cousin is fifty now and he may just trade her in for a younger model, just like he did with his wife.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It takes two to tango... both AP and WS are guilty... AP even moreso if he/she knew the WS was in a relationship from the get go. THAT is VERY relevant imo...


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

nonjudgemental said:


> OW are lawyers, nurses, doctors, judges and any profession inbetween. They are also smart enough to keep an A going, often for many years, without the BS having a clue. What could that say about the BS? Despite the obvious inconsistencies of the woman you mentioned on "Loveshack", never underestimate the intelligence of any woman, lest an OW especially.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smart enough? It seems like a sad existence to me. Taking the crumbs offered by a married man. Meeting him when it's convenient for him. Being his dirty little secret on the side. Believing the lies of a practiced liar. 

Meh, I'll pass on that. I have too much self-respect. 

It's no compliment to be chosen someone's affair partner. All it means is he thinks you're cheap and easy.

But this is a troll thread and I shouldn't have fed the troll. My apologies to the regulars in the CWI.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> OW are lawyers, nurses, doctors, judges and any profession inbetween. They are also smart enough to keep an A going, often for many years, without the BS having a clue. What could that say about the BS? Despite the obvious inconsistencies of the woman you mentioned on "Loveshack", never underestimate the intelligence of any woman, lest an OW especially.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, crap. Are you under the impression that lawyers and doctors are smart? I am a lawyer and I am a virtual idiot.I'd sterilize myself, but it is too late. I have 5 kids.


Judges? Several of my friends are judges and all they have going for them is good hair and they smoke a lot of weed.
Half the judiciary in my county is barely literate.


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

I will never believe OW sit and wait to "get their claws" into a MM, but I do understand how a BS may view it as such. Somebody needs to be to blame for what happened to your M, but it wasn't the OW. However it happened, whoever initiated, family friend, married/engaged or otherwise, again, your H willingly let it happen... THAT is the bottom line regardless of how it all happened. HE was the one married to YOU and HE chose to cheat (in whatever manner of fashion he did). There is no other bottom line to this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

One of my dumber judge friends might call the OW a co-conspirator.Equally guilty.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

You are walking down the street and the stranger in front of you drops an expensive watch. You have no reltionship with this person at all. 
Do you have a moral obligation to return the watch?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> I will never believe OW sit and wait to "get their claws" into a MM
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know several women who do just this... They get a sick sort of thrill and one even laughed about how her sending a video to the wife of the wh with her sucking him off sent the wife into a suicidal stage. She thought it was hilarious.. Believe it or not.. but there ARE rotten people out there.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I know several women who do just this... They get a sick sort of thrill and one even laughed about how her sending a video to the wife of the wh with her sucking him off sent the wife into a suicidal stage. She thought it was hilarious.. Believe it or not.. but there ARE rotten people out there.


Many Ows are personality disordered. My XW was like this, preying on married men as she felt nothing but contempt for their wives(and the men , too, actually).


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## nonjudgemental (May 7, 2012)

Troll? Lol. No, no troll here. And please, all who think I have in anyway justified being an OW, please re-read my posts - I haven't justified anything. The point I have made, is that YOUR H did this to YOU and YOUR marriage! You want to hate the OW, go ahead if it helps - she doesn't care. It doesn't change that your H decided to cheat, doesn't change that he may have fallen in love with an OW and just because he got caught, doesn't mean his feelings for OW changed either. HE did this to YOU. If you wish to stay married to him after, that's up to you, but again, has nothing to do with OW, that's about you and what you want to live with.
I'm done with this conversation now as I'm just saying the same thing over and over again. Whatever argument you give against the OW is like defending and excusing your H for what he did. If it's what makes it easier for you, be my guest. Enjoy your denial folks, I'm done here and won't be reading any further comments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> I will never believe OW sit and wait to "get their claws" into a MM, but I do understand how a BS may view it as such. Somebody needs to be to blame for what happened to your M, but it wasn't the OW. However it happened, whoever initiated, family friend, married/engaged or otherwise, again, your H willingly let it happen... THAT is the bottom line regardless of how it all happened. HE was the one married to YOU and HE chose to cheat (in whatever manner of fashion he did). There is no other bottom line to this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't even dream to know my situation. She DID sit back and wait for her opportunity. She pretended to be my friend for years. All the while, she waited for an opportunity. My husband has been dealing with severe depression, ALMOST from the moment we met this woman online. Thank GOD we never met her in person. I own up to the part I played in this. I pushed him away because my coping skills, regarding his illness, SUCKED! And as my friend, I believed she was trustworthy. Yea, I know, mistake made when you meet people online. I suspected she was interested in him when she had problems with her boyfriend at the time...she claimed he was cheating with his ex. We believed her.

I put that out of my mind for years, because nothing came of it. Fast forward to a few months ago. I was pushing him away, not dealing well with his new meds, diagnoses, etc. But, again, I thought she was a friend. And I figured "hey, I'm pushing him away, he needs a friend to talk to... I don't care"... and that's what did it. The one thing I am sure of: he loves me. When given the choice of fixing our marriage or continuing to talk to her, he chose me. Oh, and the fact that she looks a LOT like me? LOL in this case, it tells me that I was ALWAYS on his mind. She gave him the words he needed to hear from me. And when I got MY act together and gave him what he had been missing FROM ME... he dropped her without a second thought. So, yes, I do know he made the choice to wander. But I also know that when it came down to it, he chose me. It was always about me.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

:yay::yawn2::allhail::toast::birthday::birthday::smthumbup::yawn2::allhail:


nonjudgemental said:


> Troll? Lol. No, no troll here. And please, all who think I have in anyway justified being an OW, please re-read my posts - I haven't justified anything. The point I have made, is that YOUR H did this to YOU and YOUR marriage! You want to hate the OW, go ahead if it helps - she doesn't care. It doesn't change that your H decided to cheat, doesn't change that he may have fallen in love with an OW and just because he got caught, doesn't mean his feelings for OW changed either. HE did this to YOU. If you wish to stay married to him after, that's up to you, but again, has nothing to do with OW, that's about you and what you want to live with.
> I'm done with this conversation now as I'm just saying the same thing over and over again. Whatever argument you give against the OW is like defending and excusing your H for what he did. If it's what makes it easier for you, be my guest. Enjoy your denial folks, I'm done here and won't be reading any further comments.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

It's not "love"...it's the ol 80/20. Sometimes in a marriage the 80 starts to drop, that's when a 20 will enter. 

He or she will be so glad to have that small little 20 that is missing in the marriage, but don't get it twisted...it's still a 20. 80 always beats a 20. 

Also it's called displacement. That fog is better than any drug. The 20 could be as simple as a blow job a week. Maybe it only happens on special occasions, but for a brief time, it's the bees knees. 

It's this so called fog that makes the 20 SEEM like an 80. The wife is creme brûlée and the OW/OM is just jello. If it were real love, than the outsider would let the one in the marriage go. 

Would let them work it out or divorce. Then wait the proper amount of time, then start a relationship. The outsider takes it upon themselves to interject. It's not anyone's job to "help" out with easy sex or blow jobs. 

No it's not love...that is the very definition of a cum dumpster. When sex comes into play it's easy to get caught up and catch feelings. You are not soul mates. You are a mistake. It's not a wonderful time it's not a beautiful loving tender relationship. 

It was just easier than actually having the balls to say to their spouse, I think we have a problem. Let's be adults and work it out or divorce. It is really that simple. 

I speak from experience. I could have had an affair or divorced. I would have been justified in doing so. But I didn't. I did not take the easy route. 

I said I want to be here and I want to fix our problems. My husband found tam and we joined. I took the hard way by staying and working through our bullsh!t. 

Our problems seemed massive. WE did the hard work. It would have been sooo easy to run away. I had the balls to think about leaving do I had the balls to stay and work on us.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Was that one blow job per week?:gun::gun:
Sounds more like 66.7/32.3 to me.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

That's my point....the 80 subtracts a little. So when this 20 comes along, it seems like the best thing since sliced bread. 

But they are still a 20. Your spouse cooks for you cleans, washes out ya drawers, looks after you when you are sick. And basically loves you, faults and all. 

That 20 will not do these things. Maybe your 80 slipped down a few notches, that means its time to talk.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> That's my point....the 80 subtracts a little. So when this 20 comes along, it seems like the best thing since sliced bread.
> 
> But they are still a 20. Your spouse cooks for you cleans, washes out ya drawers, looks after you when you are sick. And basically loves you, faults and all.
> 
> That 20 will not do these things. Maybe your 80 slipped down a few notches, that means its time to talk.


My XWs did none of these things for me. In fact, these are the things I did for them, as well as work full time. Yet, they cheated.

I even offered to have penis reduction surgery.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have never fought over a man.  If my man wants another woman, i would be heartbroken, but life goes on! I have lived through shet before, and I survived.

My value isn't tied into whatever man I'm screwing at the moment. If my husband chose to leave me for another woman, that's on him. He'd be giving up a great life, but hey, we're all on a path and at some time, the path would come full circle. I am a woman with or without my husband. It's the children he'd have to deal with in the long run. If he wants that pain and wrath, then so be it.

My dad left for drugs. not an OW, but the same in my eyes. My wrath was like hell's fury. He had to answer my questions and my concerns. We had no relationship for 17 years. Was it worth it? I'm sure he would say it was not. But that was his choice. I don't blame him, because as a woman I can see what happened. But the little girl inside of me was effed for a long time. 

So....OW, you got the weak man to sleep with you. That doesn't mean the wife takes him back. however, the children are who you robbed. 

Bravo to you. Keep your nose and va-jay-jay out of other people's families.

And I know she's still reading. This shet is like crack :rofl:

ETA: When my dad left, my mom's life went on and she outlived him AND did great for herself. It was me who was in therapy and is STILL in therapy for what my father did. So, OWs, if you can live with that, then be my guest.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Pandakiss said:


> That's my point....the 80 subtracts a little. So when this 20 comes along, it seems like the best thing since sliced bread.
> 
> But they are still a 20. Your spouse cooks for you cleans, washes out ya drawers, looks after you when you are sick. And basically loves you, faults and all.
> 
> That 20 will not do these things. Maybe your 80 slipped down a few notches, that means its time to talk.


I have washed out some drawls...let me tell ya. LOL!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

BigLiam said:


> My XWs did none of these things for me. In fact, these are the things I did for them, as well as work full time. Yet, they cheated.
> 
> I even offered to have penis reduction surgery.



That's all together a different story. Sorry.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Oaksthorn you sound like me. I agreeing to his begging and pleading for R, just so the OW couldn't have him. I didn't even want to stay together, but I was determined to 1. Keep him so she would lose. (she lost) 2. Stay with him so when he least suspected I would revenge affair his azz. (I didn't ) 
We talked about if the OW knew or didn't know their AP was married, well in my case she knew. He threw her under the bus hard on DDay, and she still came fishing a year later after NC. I would say she is worthy of my loathing & hate.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> Oh, crap. Are you under the impression that lawyers and doctors are smart? I am a lawyer and I am a virtual idiot.I'd sterilize myself, but it is too late. I have 5 kids.
> 
> 
> Judges? Several of my friends are judges and all they have going for them is good hair and they smoke a lot of weed.
> Half the judiciary in my county is barely literate.


:lol: 
I just cracked up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nonjudgemental said:


> OW are lawyers, nurses, doctors, judges and any profession inbetween. They are also smart enough to keep an A going, often for many years, without the BS having a clue. *What could that say about the BS?*


Eww. So the BS is the bad guy cause she doesn't know she's being cheated on? Slagging the BS that you help betray is so cheap.

I think Non is pissed off that the married man she was fvcking did not leave his wife for her. Her defensiveness and bitterness are pretty apparent.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> Sorry, but the BS is deluding themselves if they think their CS does not fall in love with the OW, it isn't about any fog either, it's about feelings. I'm not saying every affair results in love, but to blindly sweep it aside as an impossibility, that is the BS being in denial. All this blame the BS puts on the OW, did the OW break your vows? Did the OW hold a gun to your H head ... nope, they did not. Most times, it's your H who chased the OW and you know it. And if he didn't chase, he sure didn't put up much or any of a fight did he? So please stop questioning the motives or morals of the OW, whatever they are, it doesn't change what your H did nor does it change that you've chosen to stay M to a known cheat. Stop questioning anybody else's involvement and figure out why you would let a man who chose to do this to you remain in your life and why you couldn't pull up your big girl panties and leave someone who would treat you this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry Honey, there are very extensive studies that do not support your claim. It is rare for a man to want to leave his wife for the OW and the 3 percent who do end up leaving or cheating on the other woman eventually. 

My cheater spouse talks about the OW as if she was a **** who was just available. A cheap opportunity to cake eat. 

With that said, I feel the same about my cheater husband. He is just a **** who took the opportunity to cheat with another **** cake eater.

I hope you Married cheater wants you....for now.

BTW: I read the emails and text from the OW to my husband, the other woman chased my husband and made it obvious she was willing to spread her legs for any man. 

Yes, my **** husband went willingly. 

Still, the studies also show that it is typically the woman who first signals easy availability in studies about married cheaters. Many men are worried about sexual harassment suits so they let the woman make the first move.

Lastly, you seem awfully invested in convincing those reconciling to leave the cheater. Any ulterior motives?

Well you are just a plaything and a distraction and the married cheater will eventually get bored of you, too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pandakiss said:


> No it's not love...that is the very definition of a cum dumpster.


:rofl:



that_girl said:


> And I know she's still reading. This shet is like crack :rofl:


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> Troll? Lol. No, no troll here. And please, all who think I have in anyway justified being an OW, please re-read my posts - I haven't justified anything. The point I have made, is that YOUR H did this to YOU and YOUR marriage! You want to hate the OW, go ahead if it helps - she doesn't care. It doesn't change that your H decided to cheat, doesn't change that he may have fallen in love with an OW and just because he got caught, doesn't mean his feelings for OW changed either. HE did this to YOU. If you wish to stay married to him after, that's up to you, but again, has nothing to do with OW, that's about you and what you want to live with.
> I'm done with this conversation now as I'm just saying the same thing over and over again. Whatever argument you give against the OW is like defending and excusing your H for what he did. If it's what makes it easier for you, be my guest. Enjoy your denial folks, I'm done here and won't be reading any further comments.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He did not love you. Don't let your ego get too inflated. 

Cheaters are self absorbed and selfish and typically only love themselves. 

You were just a port in a storm, my dear


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I do not know about women who become OW unknowingly because the men lie but what kind of women will get herself into a relationship with a married man worst still one who has kids.......she sure knows she will break hearts, she sure knows she will destroy a family, she sure knows she will damage innocent children's future and most of all she sure knows that its immoral and dirty mindedness.....


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> OW are lawyers, nurses, doctors, judges and any profession inbetween. They are also smart enough to keep an A going, often for many years, without the BS having a clue. What could that say about the BS? Despite the obvious inconsistencies of the woman you mentioned on "Loveshack", never underestimate the intelligence of any woman, lest an OW especially.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop flattering yourself.

You are equating cunning and being deceptive to intelligence. It's not the same thing.

The fact that the BS was fooled only shows that she was an honest and trusting person who didn't think in a deceptive fashion. 

I enjoy reading your posts, though. 

My husband's Married other woman is dumber than a doorknob.

I could tell you of the stupid things she did following exposure, but it might give my identity away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Thewife said:


> I do not know about women who become OW unknowingly because the men lie but what kind of women will get herself into a relationship with a married man worst still one who has kids.......she sure knows she will break hearts, she sure knows she will destroy a family, she sure knows she will damage innocent children's future and most of all she sure knows that its immoral and dirty mindedness.....


The OW doesn't care about any of that. Non said it herself in the post. They just want to get their's and that's it.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Oh of course its all the cheating husband's fault he is to be blamed, may be the wives should blame it on the fate for having their husband's bump into such immoral women. Same goes for the OM.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

What is the deal with these OW's? I mean, hey! I just wanna know...


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Many Ows are personality disordered. My XW was like this, preying on married men as she felt nothing but contempt for their wives(and the men , too, actually).


Good point. 

There are actually studies that talk about women who are "groomed to have affairs,"

Typically they have a mother who is ill and unavailable to the husband and the husband turns to the daughter for companionship. 

To do that he takes her on outings that the wife can not go on. Sometimes there is even incest if the wife is unavailable sexually.

These woman go for older men who are daddy figures and because they saw mommie as competition for daddy, they see the wife as they saw mommy.

These OW hated mommey and they hate the wife of the married man because they see her as competition like mommy. 

My cheater husbands OW fit this pattern to a T.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Eww. So the BS is the bad guy cause she doesn't know she's being cheated on? Slagging the BS that you help betray is so cheap.
> 
> I think Non is pissed off that the married man she was fvcking did not leave his wife for her. Her defensiveness and bitterness are pretty apparent.


And I find it hard to believe that she was a BS THEN OW... Or maybe I got that wrong? I think just OW, thru and thru. So many of these posters, lately, sound alike....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> And I find it hard to believe that she was a BS THEN OW...


Me, too. It just makes no sense. Especially when she defended the OW so much and did not have a single iota of empathy for the BS even when she claims to be one.

I am not buying what she was (trying to) sell.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> No it's not love...that is the very definition of a cum dumpster. When sex comes into play it's easy to get caught up and catch feelings. You are not soul mates. You are a mistake. It's not a wonderful time it's not a beautiful loving tender relationship.
> 
> It was just easier than actually having the balls to say to their spouse, I think we have a problem. Let's be adults and work it out or divorce. It is really that simple.
> 
> ...


I am glad to hear you took the high road. Kudos.

I love the term "cum dumpster" 

Yes. My husband does not want anything to do with the OW now, after being outed even though I have filed for divorce:rofl:


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> That's my point....the 80 subtracts a little. So when this 20 comes along, it seems like the best thing since sliced bread.
> 
> But they are still a 20. Your spouse cooks for you cleans, washes out ya drawers, looks after you when you are sick. And basically loves you, faults and all.
> 
> That 20 will not do these things. Maybe your 80 slipped down a few notches, that means its time to talk.


Exactly. The OW in my husband's affair was cheating on her own very sweet husband. 

My husband talks about her as if she were simply a convenient F buddy. He knew she would do the same to him, if they ever married. He was not interested in marrying her.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Jellybeans said:


> The OW doesn't care about any of that. Non said it herself in the post. They just want to get their's and that's it.


Oh thanks for pointing it, I must have skipped reading it. "their's" meaning other person's husband will be "their's?" 

You can't take another person's wallet and say its "yours", you can't take another person's belonging and say its your's and you can't take another person's husband and say they are "your's" even a 4 year old preschooler knows these laws while playing with their peers....if the OW doesn't know this simple law then they are not even as smart as the 4 year old. Well, may be when one day the law says stealing, robbery and shoplifting are all ok then we can conclude that the OW have equal right. 

Sorry folks, I have first hand experience on how a family will be broken into pieces when an inconsiderate women plays dirty games in the lives of others.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Thewife said:


> I do not know about women who become OW unknowingly because the men lie but what kind of women will get herself into a relationship with a married man worst still one who has kids......*.she sure knows she will break hearts, she sure knows she will destroy a family, she sure knows she will damage innocent children's future and most of all she sure knows that its immoral and dirty mindedness.....*


Oh, yea... and then there are the comments "I don't want to cause trouble..." Bullsh!t you don't! If you didn't you would have said, "hey, I think we should stop talking because this could potentially harm your marriage". NOPE! I got to read "No offense, but maybe now she knows what you went thru"...really? THAT'S your excuse? And then she STILL would maintain "we're just friends". He was vulnerable, she knew it, and she went for it. Simple as that. He fell for it BECAUSE of his vulnerability. And now, she is blocked, removed...every part of her is gone from his phone, my phone, our computers, Facebook. Everything. God, I feel sorry for her kids!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> My husband does not want anything to do with the OW now, after being outed even though I have filed for divorce:rofl:


Funny how that happens, right?



Sara8 said:


> He knew she would do the same to him, if they ever married. He was not interested in marrying her.


Most affairs don't lead to marriage. I've also read something similar to this on another forum I read. There was a man who had a long-term affair with his friend's wife. He said in the end, when both of their spouses (he and the OW's husband) filed for divorce, he realized, he didn't want her anyway--because he said he would "never be able to trust her." Anyway they both got divorced and are not together.



Thewife said:


> Oh thanks for pointing it, I must have skipped reading it. "their's" meaning other person's husband will be "their's?"


What I meant was, the OW just wants what she wants w/o caring about anyone else, the consequences (meaning, she wants to her "hers" (sex, the MM, etc).



Maricha75 said:


> He was vulnerable, she knew it, and she went for it. Simple as that. He fell for it BECAUSE of his vulnerability.


The OW may have very well known he was vulnerable and maybe that did make him "prone" BUT... he had a choice as well. So the blame lies with him too. Ultimately, it does take two to tango. You can't have an infidelity w/o two parties.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> The OW may have very well known he was vulnerable and maybe that did make him "prone" BUT... he had a choice as well. So the blame lies with him. It's not all the OW's fault (and I am not defending any OW or OM). But ultimately, it does take two to tango.


I know he made the choice. Just as I made the choices I did. I know why he made the choice he did. And this whole ordeal taught BOTH of us a lesson.... tho he's stubborn and I have to draw everything out of him.... He chose to start an EA with her, even if it was born out of a real friendship and progressed. She chose NOT to suggest that he talk to me and work things out with me. Likely because of her own relationship problems (which I suspect were exaggerated). Anyway, the lesson learned was not to take what people say at face value AND make sure our marriage remains on solid ground from here on out!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

nonjudgemental said:


> Troll? Lol. No, no troll here. And please, all who think I have in anyway justified being an OW, please re-read my posts - I haven't justified anything. The point I have made, is that YOUR H did this to YOU and YOUR marriage! You want to hate the OW, go ahead if it helps - she doesn't care. It doesn't change that your H decided to cheat, doesn't change that he may have fallen in love with an OW and just because he got caught, doesn't mean his feelings for OW changed either. HE did this to YOU. If you wish to stay married to him after, that's up to you, but again, has nothing to do with OW, that's about you and what you want to live with.
> I'm done with this conversation now as I'm just saying the same thing over and over again. Whatever argument you give against the OW is like defending and excusing your H for what he did. If it's what makes it easier for you, be my guest. Enjoy your denial folks, I'm done here and won't be reading any further comments.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speaking of denial, how does it feel to be a co-conspirator in the breakup of a marriage? You pretend that you have no part in this conspiracy, but it does take two and you obviously were one of that two. 

Too bad you won't be reading further comments (as if I actually believe that lie), but don't sell your participation short, dear. If you know your partner is married to another woman, and continue to see your partner anyway without any regard to his relationship with his wife, then you are not blameless. You are merely not worthy of any recognition unless of course it helps the BS get a better settlement in court.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_He chose to start an EA with her, even if it was born out of a real friendship and progressed. *She chose NOT to suggest that he talk to me and work things out with me*_

No OW would ever suggest "working things out" with their affair partner's spouse. That isn't conducive to the entire cheating thing. OW never has the wife's best interest. Ever.

*Anyway, the lesson learned was not to take what people say at face value AND make sure our marriage remains on solid ground from here on out*

:smthumbup:


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I've cheated myself and been cheated on, in life. OWs...some are just plain evil cows, but many others are lied to and manipulated, just like the betrayed wife. I've pretty much seen and heard it all at this stage in my life, and I'd never fall for that married-man-bullsh!t again. If only I could board that Delorean, and go back to 1993 and tell my 23 year old self that...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

oaksthorne said:


> The OW in our case was an advanced marriage and family therapy student. .


That's sick.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> _He chose to start an EA with her, even if it was born out of a real friendship and progressed. *She chose NOT to suggest that he talk to me and work things out with me*_
> 
> *No OW would ever suggest "working things out" with their affair partner's spouse. That isn't conducive to the entire cheating thing. OW never has the wife's best interest. Ever.*
> 
> ...


I guess the part that really gets me is that she presented herself as my friend as well as his, before it even began. And, once she knew I was unhappy (at the time) she made her move. Again, not condoning my husband's actions. That hurts, but it hurts that his emotional affair was with a friend...or someone I believed to be a friend. We agree that physical and emotional affairs are on the same level (some agree, some disagree)... but I AM glad he was never able to turn it physical...and I know he is glad as well.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I've cheated myself and been cheated on, in life. OWs...some are just plain evil cows, but many others are lied to and manipulated, just like the betrayed wife. I've pretty much seen and heard it all at this stage in my life, and I'd never fall for that married-man-bullsh!t again.* If only I could board that Delorean, and go back to 1993 and tell my 23 year old self that...*


If I could, I'd go back and convince my husband to NOT bring World of Warcraft into our house. That's how we met the APs. And that was when our problems began.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Eww. So the BS is the bad guy cause she doesn't know she's being cheated on? Slagging the BS that you help betray is so cheap.
> 
> I think Non is pissed off that the married man she was fvcking did not leave his wife for her. Her defensiveness and bitterness are pretty apparent.


Yea. Many men don't marry the OW because she's just a piece of tail.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

nonjudgemental said:


> Troll? Lol. No, no troll here. And please, all who think I have in anyway justified being an OW, please re-read my posts - I haven't justified anything. The point I have made, is that YOUR H did this to YOU and YOUR marriage! You want to hate the OW, go ahead if it helps - she doesn't care. It doesn't change that your H decided to cheat, doesn't change that he may have fallen in love with an OW and just because he got caught, doesn't mean his feelings for OW changed either. HE did this to YOU. If you wish to stay married to him after, that's up to you, but again, has nothing to do with OW, that's about you and what you want to live with.
> I'm done with this conversation now as I'm just saying the same thing over and over again. Whatever argument you give against the OW is like defending and excusing your H for what he did. If it's what makes it easier for you, be my guest. Enjoy your denial folks, I'm done here and won't be reading any further comments.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sure that you will go right on saying the same things over and over to your self too. That is how rationalization works. None have excused their H on this forum, but they haven't let you or other easy pieces like you , off the hook for their intrusions into their marriages either. If you didn't want to get the other side of this issure, why the he!! are you on this forum? Did you actually think BSs who have been hurt by an unrepentant marriage poacher like you would grant you absolution? Well don't hold your breath... actually feel free to do just that


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> I guess the part that really gets me is that she presented herself as my friend as well as his, before it even began.


I'm sorry. I know that must have hurt. 



CandieGirl said:


> If only I could board that Delorean, and go back to 1993 and tell my 23 year old self that...





Maricha75 said:


> If I could, I'd go back and convince my husband to NOT bring World of Warcraft into our house.


And if *I *could go back, I would have never gotten married. 



oaksthorne said:


> If you didn't want to get the other side of this fissure, why the he!! are you on this forum? D


I think it was a troll or just some OW who was doing an online search about OW & found TAM and wanted to post about how wonderful of a person she is in order to make herself feel better for doing such a sh!tty thing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I'm sorry. I know that must have hurt.


It does, but we are dealing with it. Chalked up to lessons learned in this whole journey. I was way too trusting of people before. Now, I am more cynical.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> It does, but we are dealing with it. Chalked up to lessons learned in this whole journey. I was way too trusting of people before. Now, I am more cynical.


Yes. Me too. I was way too trusting of others. 

My brothers tried to warn me, but I did not listen. 

I am sorry to hear the OW was also a friend. That is a double betrayal and that must really hurt. 

During my initial false recovery with my husband, there was a neighbor who was being much too friendly with my husband. 

I know a lot of people knew of his affair before me and I could sense she knew. She was unhappy with her own husband and was blatantly flirting with my husband. It was shameless actually. She was giggling and batting her eyes and wiggling her hips and totally ignoring me during conversations.

She also tried to become friendly with me but by then I was no longer so trusting. I could smell her intentions were to try to have an affair with my husband and being my friend was a way to meet with him more often. 

According to rumor mills she has since had an affair.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> He did not love you. Don't let your ego get too inflated.
> 
> Cheaters are self absorbed and selfish and typically only love themselves.
> 
> You were just a port in a storm, my dear


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Think Nonjudgemental doesn't know that? She's keenly aware that she was not good enough for more than sex, that is why she is trying to justify her choices. So sad. Maybe if she would get her own man instead of trying to horn on people's marriages, she would be happier. 

Beurk!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> What is the deal with these OW's? I mean, hey! I just wanna know...


:lol::lol::lol: Touche!


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> That's sick.


I assume her husband was/is very well hung and the OW could not resist. These women crave meat.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

And while echoing all the others here, I also want to add that I also find OW's vile and immoral skanks, even if the Cheater told them in the beginning, I'm single or the ever popular I'm seperated...or the fun, well I'm married but in name only....but the OW finds out he really is married/living sleeping w/spouse and then she says, _oh well too late, I'm in love._ That is no excuse and you are still participating in the destruction of someone's life & Family. 

And nothing about this absolves the cheater. 

Just so we are clear....Non.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> I assume her husband was/is very well hung and the OW could not resist. These women crave meat.


Wtf does that have to do with anything?


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

WS told me that he thought he loved the OW because he was attracted to her. She threw herself at him (totally his fault for caving - yes) but she knew that he was married with 2 young children. Now he says that she was just a cheap thrill and he was weak...cheap - yes. I think someone else posted on here that some women are just groomed to have affairs and break up marriages - I think she is the posterchild for it. Her current man is the same one that she has been with for 4 years before, during and after WS affair....and she admitted to my husband that she has had affairs with married men before and got the current one while he was engaged. She lost nothing...still has her sugar daddy she had before, just wanted to move on with my husband and told him that they had to move fast right after he told me because she had to get out of the situation she was in. She sent me nasty emails (via his email account) that I just needed to let him go and that he was not happy and they were soul mates and one day I would find someone. I have never responded to her caddiness and self absorbtion. Hmmmmm....where is her soul mate now and why is she referred to as a cheap thrill and why is my husband so remorseful for what he did? Doesn't sound like love or soul mates to me....big mistake, yes.

I truly believe that some women target married men because they (married men) have something to lose. They make mistakes (huge selfish mistakes), and then the OW has something to hold over their head - threatens to expose them, etc....this happened to me. I also read once that "tarts r very jealous girls thats why they get some sick thrill out of it ..and its all becoz they could never b that good wife to anyone an they know it"....just my 2 cents.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LookingForTheSun said:


> She sent me nasty emails (via his email account) that I just needed to let him go and that he was not happy and they were soul mates and one day I would find someone. .


Wow. What trash.

I think a lot of OW (especially serial OW, the ones who repeatedly are into married dudes) are insecure and narcissists. Think about it--you'd have to be really insecure to make a career out of that. I thi nk they get off on the fact that they are w/ someone's partner BUT if the tables were turned, they would hate it.

LeAnn Rimes is a perfect example of this. Granted, Idk if she has a serial cheat history but the way she rubs the affair and now-marriage in her husband's ex-wife face constantly shows that she is actually really insecure. If someone felt better abou themselves, they would absolutely not do that. In fact, they'd go out of their way to not make a spectacle of it.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Wtf does that have to do with anything?


It's the old irresistable force vs immovable object debate.


The power of meat is strong, Luke.

Really, though, what I was trying to point out is that regardless of degrees and credentials(like this so called therapist), there are a fair number of people, men and women, operating on a very primitive, base level.
You show them a crotch and they want it.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Smart enough? It seems like a sad existence to me. Taking the crumbs offered by a married man. Meeting him when it's convenient for him. Being his dirty little secret on the side. Believing the lies of a practiced liar.


I apologize if this is kind of fragmented an doesn't flow well, I started writing this a cupel days ago, with the thought of not sure if I should post it, and have been coming back to edit/add to it. 

It is, it really, really is. At this point I guess you could say I am a serial other woman, and have been from the get go. I have been with taken men for free, and for money. My first kiss, and feel up/3rd base (if I remember my based right) were when I was 14 was with a grown man who was weeks away from getting married. I lost my virginity a year later to younger guy who was living with his girlfriend. It is a sad, depressing, pathetic thing to be and do for sure. I can't speak for others, but I am an ugly woman, and operate out of insecurity, and am simply thinking of my own sad self, and nothing else. Reading through this thread, its all true, and it feels awful. Thats why the poster nonjudgemental is so hostile. Offense is the best defense for sure. 

I never even wanted any of the married men I have been with for my own, none of them have ever left their wives (not that had anything to do with me at least). I actually get my feelings hurt for the wives, when their men are talking badly about them, I try to help them see things from their wives side and take a new approach to their relationship. For christ sake, how deluded is that? I can't even explain it, and I am sorry. I am so sorry for all of it. I am sorry for myself, for the man, and most of all for the wife, the innocent one in it all. I have never though, not once, even fooled around with a married man who had kids at home, so I like to pretend that I at least have some fraction of a moral floating around in me. 

Anyway, I am here to say its ABSOLUTELY the choice of the other woman (or other man) to partake in helping a married man cheat on his wife. We accept the advances, instead of turn them down. As I read somewhere once, in a book I think written by another serial other woman, "I need my sisterhood card revoked." I have even been accused by more then one of the married men I have been involved with, of flirting with them first, though I clearly remember trying hard NOT to, because despite my repeat actions, I know being involved with a married man is one of the worst things in the world to do. So I know there is something I am doing that I am not fully aware of.

Each one has the SAME stories. Different face, same story. Sexless marriage, love their wives and don't want to leave but need to get off, and its always the "first time I Have ever done something like this" (Excep one and I always thought he was a complete sociopath), and they all talk a much bigger talk about being passionate in texts and emails, but when it came to it, all of them (except the sociopath he was very passionate, he almost tricked me into thinking he was really into me and not just the sex) were very reserved and talked about their wives almost constantly. Its sad, it makes me really sad. Its a horrible feeling to be used for emotional and physical masturbation. Thats all it is. 

I have a friend who is also a bit of a serial other woman, and has a real hostile attitude much like nonjudgemental has. She feels blameless, and even goes as far as to take on a victim attitude about it all, and I know for a fact she feels VERY bitter about the fact that both of the married men she's been with kicked her to the curb the instant their wives found out. I try to help her see her role in it all, and how she can only control her own actions, and the only way to not have her feelings hurt by a married man, is to NOT have a married man in her life! 

I know I have been writing a lot of weird stuff on here recently, its all true, no bull. THe reason why I have been reading here is because I am struggling to better myself. Reading the boards in some ways has been more helpful then therapy. If nothing less, its given me some respect and empathy to the bond that couples sometimes struggle to keep between them.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Thank you for your point of view, Illbehisfoolagain.

I hope you can get the help that you need and the confidence to find your own man and stop with the silly games. Your post was brutally honest so I think you are on the right path.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> is a sad, depressing, pathetic thing to be and do for sure. I can't speak for others, but I am an ugly woman, and operate out of insecurity, and am simply thinking of my own sad self, and nothing else. Reading through this thread, its all true, and it feels awful. *Thats why the poster nonjudgemental is so hostile. Offense is the best defense for sure. *


Well, yeah. Generally people who get so defensive like that is because they know they are in the wrong.


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> ....who actually believe they take precedence over the wife?
> 
> I don't associate myself with women who sleep with other women's husbands. I stopped seeing a hair stylist because she would constantly talk about the married man she was with. This woman would get angry that the man's wife would call him.:rofl: "She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?
> 
> A cousin of mine expected her married man not to be intimate with his wife. "We are in a relationship! He shouldn't have sex with someone else while we are together!"  I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?




Meh, my "favorite" was reading an admitted cheating wife become indignant when she discovered her husband was also cheating on her. She was crushed. Then she got called out by the other cheating wives who pointed out her rather hypocritical stance.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

My CH took marital advise from the OW.

We are now separated.

My CH then took legal advise from the OW. Seems the OW took a class on criminal law and, being a stay at home mom, has the time to search the web for legal remedies to take against his "awful" wife. 

CH must have forgotten that I work for a local attorney, well versed in Domestic Law.

:rofl:

Her advise is going to cost him. Let the games begin.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Sara8 said:


> Exactly. The OW in my husband's affair was cheating on her own very sweet husband.
> 
> My husband talks about her as if she were simply a convenient F buddy. He knew she would do the same to him, if they ever married. He was not interested in marrying her.


why would any one go off with the affair partner after the affair???? thats not the point of the affair.

sometimes i recall one of my favorite movies..she devil...

a man burns hot for the mistress, but quickly cools when she starts acting like a wife....

if the mistress is now the current girlfriend, with the possibility of becoming the next wife, she will get the same royal treatment that the orginal wife got.

it all hinges on fantasy. it has to be the perfect moments. yes the other women do get upset when the guy is attending to his wife..outside of birthdays, and such.

i dont know why the other women fall for a married guy..he is lying about everything...maybe some dont talk about home so much as the affair continues.

but how else did the affair start. someone started talking about life at home, and someone else said, hey that sucks and sounds sooo similar to my home life....

and since you cant be out done, the stories are taken out of context and slightly ad-libbed for shock value, and of course sympathy.

so it already started on lies, so it will continue on lies. why would husband and wife not sleep together...[aside from sexless marriages], why would they not spend time together...

soft truths are spun to a not so favorable light...so if the other woman and this married guy actually got together, then she would see all his bullsh!t for what it really was... bullsh!t.

the affair depends on lies, and someone stupid enough to believe it all....and someone stupid enough to tell lies to someone stupid enough to believe them...


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

An affair is a type of relationship. I thought all relationships take 2 people to survive/continue/thrive. 

That means the OW/OM shares responsibility for the affair that continues. It's not soley on the WS. 

Although most of the wrath of the BS should be taken out on the WS....but it is irresponsible to think that the OW/OM has NO PART in the affair......


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i also want to add, some women are preditors. i am also guilty of serial cheater too.

if i had not had a great guy in my life who showed me i was better than that. it made me look inside me and think about all the reasons for the way i was.

i [at one point years ago] thought nothing of going after married men. wasnt my problem. i didnt care. i am glad i stopped and thought about the life i was getting ready to commit my self to.

for me, it was daddy issues...yea i know how classic..but there it is, i was looking for valadation in other men, prob married men, because my dad was married to not my mom...

so you can draw the lines, but like i said, i had a great guy, and that made me look at choices, like, how long can i blame my mom for how i am, and when is it time for me to be responsible for my own life.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> i also want to add, some women are preditors. i am also guilty of serial cheater too.
> 
> if i had not had a great guy in my life who showed me i was better than that. it made me look inside me and think about all the reasons for the way i was.
> 
> ...


Hopefully, you made restitution and informed the MM's'wives. You exposed them to your entire, apparently extensive, sexual history and they need to be tested.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

BigLiam said:


> Hopefully, you made restitution and informed the MM's'wives. You exposed them to your entire, apparently extensive, sexual history and they need to be tested.



this didnt happen. it just could have. i was saved from myself. i just had that view and out look. 

my husband gave me tough love, and i chose life with him. HE saved me. he saw me for me, and loved me anyways. i wanted to be a better person for him. 

he didnt think i was damaged, he didnt want to fix me. he wanted and needed me to fix my self...for me, and him.

my husband and i have had our ups and downs...but i remember little things we had and did. [keeps me in line..]

but over all, this other life that would have been so easy, so justified, so selfish....didnt happen...i didnt ruin anybody's marriage.

this just the thoughts that i had...it prob seems scatterbrained, or blunt...but im recalling things from well over 18 years or so, ago.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

well, of course you participated in damaging marriages if you were having sex with married folks. what makes you think you did not?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> well, of course you participated in damaging marriages if you were having sex with married folks. what makes you think you did not?


No, Panda is saying that IF NOT FOR HER HUSBAND, that is the likely path she would have followed. He helped her see how detrimental that would have been. And that kept her off that path.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

There is only a 3% chance that two people who got together from an affair that the relationship will last. SO pretty small chance of it working. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate to begin with so throw in an affair and yikes even riskier....

Once the excitement, heat, etc. wears off not much left..except shame and regret I think.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and throw in the fact that the two cheaters now realize that they can't really trust each other


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

As I suspected my wife is now in an official relationship with the OM two weeks after divorce, though she's been keeping things EA for two years. This after cutting all ties with friends and family to live in the affair fog and suffer in loneliness together. 

And even though she thought she was slick her friends and both their families know she was cheating on me and he was messing around with a married woman because she posted how f*cking in love she was with that @$$ all over facebook and myspace.

I hated the OM at first but now I can sit back and laugh knowing the perfect image he cast of himself being better than me will dissolve over time and leave her the arrogant jerk all her friends are warning her about. And the bait & switch will happen again!

At this point I see the BS and WS as the tortoise and the hare. The WS or hare grows overly confident and full of themselves, thinks of the BS with so much contempt that they quit working on the relationship to cheat or leave because they think they deserve more. The WS does not move forwards and improve on their character so they're not much different after. The BS or tortoise realizes after betrayal that they have a lot of work on themselves to make up for and end up more stable, if they can get over the hurt at some point. I know a betrayed partners that ended up better people years after the breakup and saw how the other half lived. It's not unusual to see your ex still doing more of the same and regretting their decisions whether it be leaving an entire family or passing up good men and women for sex and a high fast lifestyle.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Well, now it is out in the open. I give it a year, tops.
Thank goodness you are out.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

BigLiam said:


> well, of course you participated in damaging marriages if you were having sex with married folks. what makes you think you did not?



no..i didnt have sex with any married men....i was only what...15 or so when my husband and i started living together, and by 18 i had a baby....

i just rebelled and that was my go to...i wouldnt have tried to have a "normal" relationship. it is???, was?? the way im hard wired.

its ok...i havent done what you think i have done. i kept my draws up, my dress down, and my legs crossed.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I remember seeing a cartoon, years ago. And older man -dressed very well- is with a glamorous young woman. The young woman says: "And I suppose your wife doesn't understand you?"

The older man says: "On the contrary, my dear. I find that my wife understands me all too well!"


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Pandakiss said:


> no..i didnt have sex with any married men....i was only what...15 or so when my husband and i started living together, and by 18 i had a baby....
> 
> i* just rebelled and that was my go to...i wouldnt have tried to have a "normal" relationship. it is???, was?? the way im hard wired.
> 
> its ok...i havent done what you think i have done. i kept my draws up, my dress down, and my legs crossed*.


:iagree:

My husband did this for me too. I was too promiscuous before I was married. He tamed this wild vixen and now I can't imagine having sex with anyone but him.

Sometimes a decent man can turn a bad girl into a good wife.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> My husband told the OW all the time that he still loved me, wanted to work things out with me and their relationship wasn't anything serious....she told me herself he said these things to her and that she didn't believe him b/c "they were so madly in love" with each other...
> 
> *rolls eyes*


Sounds like the same lie my stbxh told me last week after almost a yr with this 21yr. Old which he left with for a month in half in march , i found out about the ow in feb. , claims he told her that he came to realization ..yea right any how he said that she was angry when he picked up his things long story short he was locked up for a day on may 22 aint that a ***** she put a order of protection on him..lol, now he's begging me to go to mc with him ..don't think so buddy ain't happening..not to mention i put them both on cheaterville and someone posted that she destroyed another family i threw that in his face ..oh did i mention he's 49 his daughter is older then the skank.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

highwood said:


> There is only a 3% chance that two people who got together from an affair that the relationship will last. SO pretty small chance of it working. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate to begin with so throw in an affair and yikes even riskier....
> 
> Once the excitement, heat, etc. wears off not much left..except shame and regret I think.


Just FYI there is no objective basis for this 3% quote.

It`s false and misinforms.

The only equation I`ve ever been able to find concerning this 3% quote was the worst torturing of basic math I`ve ever witnessed.


Just saying affairs that continue are a bit more successful than that.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Just FYI there is no objective basis for this 3% quote.
> 
> It`s false and misinforms.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I can buy that. I think many cheaters remain with their affair partners out of stubborness, even if things are going bad. Bailing would be an admission that they were wrong.


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