# how does one change their mind so quickly??



## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

fiance and I have been separated for about 3 months now with a wonderful 2 year old son. Right before we were separated she was so happy to move into the house we closed escrow on, excited to decorate, furniture, and being on our own. Now all of a sudden she turns cold, starts going to the gym to get fit, and doesnt want to talk to me unless it comes to our son. 

So how can someone's mind change so rapidly and drastically? Especially on something like that? 

before anyone suggest that there is a OM, there isnt, i have text/phone records, all pws, her contact list, and gps


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

classis post-pardom depression imho, she prob doesn't even realize she's doing it. As im a male, hopefully you get some female input on the subject, I just know its nothing to mess around with.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Thumper said:


> classis post-pardom depression imho, she prob doesn't even realize she's doing it. As im a male, hopefully you get some female input on the subject, I just know its nothing to mess around with.


sorry I put 1 on accident, he's actually going to be 2 in May


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

hmm, guess I really don't have an answer then. depression? 

Maybe give the 5 languages of love a read. Even though your showing signs of love, they might not be the version she's looking for? I know it can be a bit confusing, trust me. But for some reason your falling into a rut. Might need to find a sitter and get lost, just the two of you, for a weekend and refuel.


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## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

I dont know my friend. You will probably never know actually...something happened to your fincee, mayhaps her heart was abducted by aliens probably...who knows? girls can be that feeble i learned.

The fact is once a girl makes up her mind on such love/relationship issues she will never , ever change her decision. Trust me on this.
They are super stubborn on this. worse. they go through the separation thought process alone, maybe talking to 1 or two friends or family confidants. may last weeks, months they wont let you know before they make the final decision in their heads...then its too late. 

Call it quits and save your dignity / male pride while you can. she betrayed your loyalty, time and trust. 

Find a more suitable lady because lady your last girl was not.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

bussunda100 said:


> I dont know my friend. You will probably never know actually...something happened to your fincee, mayhaps her heart was abducted by aliens probably...who knows? girls can be that feeble i learned.
> 
> The fact is once a girl makes up her mind on such love/relationship issues she will never , ever change her decision. Trust me on this.
> They are super stubborn on this. worse. they go through the separation thought process alone, maybe talking to 1 or two friends or family confidants. may last weeks, months they wont let you know before they make the final decision in their heads...then its too late.
> ...


wow you are on the spot where she goes through he process alone. She only talks to one other person and she keeps our "separation" on the down low and doesn't let anyone know. I would want to work things out and at least hold on for a bit and implement 180s and limited contact because we do have a son.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not everyone, obviously, changes their mind that quickly but there absolutely are people who do. You can continue to try, for your son, but don't be surprised if it gets you nowhere.


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## marriedman321 (Mar 7, 2013)

Same position as you my friend.. Been married 3 years, have a 2 yr old son, and wife is "not in love anymore". This occurred right before we were looking at houses and planning a future.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Just because there isn't a OM doesn't mean you should be treating this situation any differently. She's still going after the wonderful life and avoid responsibilities, finding excuses to blame-shift problems on you, rejecting you when you've been nothing by kind and comforting all along, and showing all of the red flag behaviors like working out non stop and buying expensive furnature. She's may not be having an affair now, but she's about to start one!

You want her back, you need to do the 180! You have to leave her the hell alone and happily play by her rules, instead of trying to do what you want. If she doesn't want to talk to you.... You don't call her, you don't text her, you don't email her, you don't skype her, you don't initiate and sort of contact with her *BECAUSE YOU DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.* If she wants to give you the silent treatment you enjoy the peace and quiet. For how long? Plan on three months of NO CONTACT but see how things go after 6-8 weeks. 

The number one thing about divorce you have to keep in mind is that she's hurting too, but she doesn't want to accept that she's responsible for how she's feeling so she's going to look for an easy excuse to blame all of her problems on, that would be you. If you can avoid her from long enough she will be forced to find another scapegoat for the things that are making her miserable and either accept responsibility or live in denial. 

And you have more time than you realize. Hello, you have a 2yo you'll see again and again through custody or visitations for another 16 years before college. That's like 15 years to reconcile with a year to a year and a half of time off to let the dust settle between you two and let her date the jerks she thought would be more exciting than her husband.


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