# For those in both an unhappy marriage and with an unhappy sex life...



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Which came first? Did the marriage go down hill and as a result the sex life also dwindled/was hampered, or vice versa?

Or where their downfall not related at all and negatively impacted separately?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sorry to chime in, but IMHO sex is primarily a language for expressing love. Because of that, I believe that sex is rarely the primary cause of most problems - unless there is an obvious health issue like low T, ED, menopause or other health problems that affect intimacy. I strongly believe that in most cases the lack of sex or boring sex is a symptom of other causes unrelated to the bedroom. My marriage is good right now and has been pretty much since the beginning. So I may have a biased view.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

My wife would say the marriage first and sex as a result, me is the reverse. After we went to counseling and I was doing the stuff she wanted sex didn't get any better so I decided what's the use anymore.

I think sex can be a negative or positive feedback. Good sex would encourage both people to be better spouses, little or bad sex makes it hard to care anymore. It's hard to pull out of that death spiral.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

For me the bad sex life was first then the marriage imploded.

He thought we had a good, happy marriage, he was happy with the attractive wife, amazing kids, travel, houses and investments and sex less than 10 times per year. Life was good for him.

His LD and lack of sexual and intimate connection all but killed my love for him. Well that plus the fact that he made no attempts to fix his issues which told me that I was just not important enough to him.

I am happily divorced and now in a relationship with Mr Wonderful. Life is too short to not be with a compatible person.


----------



## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

When we're happy in the relationship we have sex. If we're not getting along, we don't. Relationship comes first.


----------



## debraarzn (Jul 8, 2013)

I strongly believe that in most cases the lack of sex or boring sex is a symptom of other causes unrelated to the bedroom.


----------



## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

I think the HD spouse sees sex as the reason the relationship dies but the LD spouse thinks the sex is a side effect of the bad relationship
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My marriage went down hill when the sex life started to suck and 4 or so years later it sure as hell hasn't gotten any better. There are other issues, but this is the main cause, for me at least


----------



## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

My wife and I are the best of friends when it comes to most of the other aspects of life as a marred couple.
We don't disagree or quarrel often about money, the kids, the house, the careers, extended family matters, etc.
I would say that lately, we have become the best roommates around. 

When it comes to the bedroom and physically intimate issues we are oceans apart. Not use to be that way, but I haven't given up hope just yet. We've been together too long, and shared too much time together for me to just move on.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I think its a downward spiral that's impossible to separate one part into another. I know I became an insufferable ass when I wasn't getting enough.

I also know that keeping score doesn't matter, what does is fixing your marriage. I know that the only person I can control is myself. All I can do is try to show my wife how I love her _in a way that is meaningful to her_ and tell her what is important to me.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The Rapture occurred first over dear wife's inability to comprehend that people (i.e. her children) have different talents and interests for college than she did for them. Combined with BPD and some other ill timed stress events it was no wonder we went from decent sex to marital abandonment level sex to....


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

We were having sex issues day 1 we got married, meaning sex every 4 to 5 weeks!!! That of course took its toll on our marriage and its been similar for the last 13+ years. She has gotten somewhat better, but its still mainly vanilla sex and only when she is in the mood, 1 - 2x month.


----------



## arielucrz (Jul 9, 2013)

I strongly believe that in most cases the lack of sex or boring sex is a symptom of other causes unrelated to the bedroom.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Seems like there are lots of opinions to the effect that a bad sex life is the result of a bad relationship. 

In logical terms, if bad sex then bad relationship.
Logic requires that the contrapositive be true as well - if good relationship then good sex life.

It is now my life's goal to rid the world of this wrong assumption. Good sex does not immediately follow from an otherwise good relationship. It may be a (mostly) necessary but insufficient condition, but does not contain even a weak guarantee. Sexual incompatibility can exist in every kind of relationship dynamic.


----------



## saadrvb (Jul 10, 2013)

I strongly believe that in most cases the lack of sex or boring sex is a symptom of other causes unrelated to the bedroom.


----------

