# husband wants to party without me after 27 years marriage



## wwwwwwww (Aug 30, 2015)

Hi 

We have been married 27 years - 21 yrs legally, 6 yrs common-in-law.

Its a happy marriage for the most part - we have been thru things though.

In the last year, changes have occurred. My hubby now wants to go out to the bar alone to watch sports and drink.
When he doesn't go, he gets very solicitious and overly attentive, reassuring me without me saying a word how much he loves me etc. Its too much and it makes me think he is over compensating for guilt.
He mentions that he met an old friend of mine as a customer at his work and they are now friends. She doesn't want to connect with me, as he says. I have tried reaching out but she doesn't respond. We used to all socialize together for a few years, then her and her hubby split up and we lost touch. It has been a few years since I have talked with her. She moved and we lost touch. Now my hubby runs into her and sees her on his route at work regularly. They are friends. I felt threatened for some weird reason. And now he wants to go out alone to the bars to watch sports which is uncharacteristic. I wonder. 

I am worried that he wants to party and be single now. Our son is in last year college and ready to leave home now. 
Am I being paranoid?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

nope, you are not being paranoid. You are pretty much almost empty nesters. That is a big change for men as well as women. 

It is a big red flag when he wants to go out without you. My X told me he wanted to go out more. I told him that would be a good idea for us. He flat out told me that he wanted to this alone. Well, he wasn't going out alone. He had replaced me!:surprise:

I would remain vigilant on this going out alone part. Based on my experience, when a LTP wants out without his partner something is not right.

Sorry :frown2:

You feelings of uneasiness mean something is not sitting well with you.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Nope. Not paranoid. He's acting different...it makes you wonder.

Try surprizing him there? Or follow him and just check out what's up?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

You have reason to be concerned. 

Married folks do NOT regularly and suddenly start going out alone partying and refuse to consider allowing or wanting their spouse along. Now add in his new relationship with your ex friend, which is ongoing, and you have some big red flags here,

Many times women who are cheating also are overly attentive to their husbands nad provide plenty of sex. His affection that is upticking since he is started to do this is not a good thing.

Time to start snooping.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Are you fun to go out with? Or are you kind of a drag?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

wwwwwwww said:


> I am worried that he wants to party and be single now.
> Am I being paranoid?


Your user name has a lot of W's.

With respect to this post you need to add HOA to the W, as in WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWhoa!..You need to *Stop, Look and Listen*....You and I think a Train Wreck is just around the bend, coming into view soon.

Yes, China has declared your house to be one of it's mini-satellite embassies. They have planted a big Red Flag in your front yard.

W...or Double You....You had better Double Check your DH and Check out that possible Wayward-Unfriendly-Not-so-Distant [home wrecking?] Chick.

Note: There may be other infidelity here..........hear me out.

If NOT Infidelity in the flesh, then infidelity of the marriage bond, togetherness.......as in him not wanting to do things together. This is bad, but [more] fixable.

Personally, I think he is on a cheating trajectory. Find out what Suds Palace he frequents and send a friend to spy on him. A friend he does not know. Have the friend take secret photos.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Nah, perfectly normal. You should go party without him too, I'm sure you're ready for someone different after 27 years as well. I know he is.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

It's doubtful he's out at the 'sports bar,' having a few beers with his buddies.

Very, very doubtful.

And what a phony baloney story that an old friend of YOURS wants to be 'his' friend but she doesn't want to reconnect with you. She doesn't want 'reconnect' with you because she's playing around with your husband.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Yes you need to be worried.

Does he tell you what bars he will be at? if so just pop in and tell him you thought you would join him. If he does not tell you then this is a really big red flag and I would start to monitor him also since you are uncomfortable with their friendship you need to tell H how you feel.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

wwwwwwww said:


> Hi
> 
> We have been married 27 years - 21 yrs legally, 6 yrs common-in-law.
> 
> ...












She doesn't want to connect with you? Then your husband has no damn business connecting with her! This is just so wrong! 

You should read this thread for advice on how to proceed http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

No, you're not being paranoid. You need to start snooping.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So, your husband is having an affair with a former friend of yours. What are you going to do about it?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It's doubtful he's out at the 'sports bar,' having a few beers with his buddies.
> 
> Very, very doubtful.
> 
> And what a phony baloney story that an old friend of YOURS wants to be 'his' friend but she doesn't want to reconnect with you. She doesn't want 'reconnect' with you because she's playing around with your husband.


I totally agree this is baloney. It's a serious sign that it's not innocent behavior. Addh the fact that her marriage failed and it's even worse. 

I've been married 27 years and I frequently go to a bar alone. However my wife is always welcome and joins me sometimes as well. She knows the people I talk to there and is friends with them as also. If he doesn't allow you to do this he is hiding something for sure. 

Take MattMatt's advice and read the evidence thread and learn what's going on for your sake.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Tell this genius husband of yours that you are putting your profile on a dating website since he has decided you now have an "open marriage".

You will get many offers. Put it right in his face and see how all of a sudden his attitude will change. if it does not, your ex friend has already got him "hooked"


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

Old friend. 

That story is as old as the hills.

Maybe older than the hills.

Sorry!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP you need to believe exactly what you don't want to believe. Many of us spent time thinking "nah, couldn't be happening", then POW! the affair slaps you right in the face.

So before you are talking in hindsight thinking I should of saw the signs and listened to my instincts I recommend turning investigator, follow your husband, look at his phone and computer, put a VAR in his car, GPS his phone.

He is lying and you know it. Will you let it go on?


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

Don't let money stop you.

I was cheated on, would have found out sooner if I got an investigator but I didn't want to spend the money.

Which is foolish.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@jpiedra6188 I think it might be better if you repost this in a new thread of your own.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Are you fun to go out with? Or are you kind of a drag?



FFS


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> @jpiedra6188 I think it might be better if you repost this in a new thread of your own.


Matt, I moved her post to a thread of her own and sent her a PM to tell her I did that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Are you fun to go out with? Or are you kind of a drag?


Wow... :surprise:


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

wwwwwwww said:


> He mentions that he met an old friend of mine as a customer at his work and they are now friends. She doesn't want to connect with me, as he says. I have tried reaching out but she doesn't respond.


 The female "old friend" of yours responds and is friends with your husband, but does not want to respond or be friends with you because she is trying to take your husband from you. Many couples have boundaries against having opposite sex friends (OSF). Couples that do have OSF commonly have boundaries that require all OSF to be friends of the marriage. Her telling your husband that "She doesn't want to connect with" you is an admission that she is not a friend of the marriage, thus you must demand that your husband go 100% full no contact with her. Do not back down on this. It is too late for her to now try to make false friendship with you now that her true feelings are known.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Matt, I moved her post to a thread of her own and sent her a PM to tell her I did that.


That's cool!

I would have moved it myself but I haven't got my glasses on and I can't see the keyboard/screen well enough to do any tricky operations.

Why? I have a parrot on my shoulder who loves to eat glasses if I am wearing them! :rofl:

Parrot will be going to bed soon!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Of all the excuses!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"When he doesn't go, he gets very solicitious and overly attentive, reassuring me without me saying a word how much he loves me etc."

Don't tolerate this. He doesn't want to socialize with you outside of the house but he still wants you to keep the home fires burning. F him and that skank he's riding.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Of all the excuses!


She's gone to bed, now!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP you are not paranoid, your instinct is screaming at you that something is off here.

If I were you I'd be following him to the bar and holy moly would he be sorry, lol.

If I were to bust my husband cheating, I like to think I'd be the graceful wife who would quietly exit the marriage and maintain a dignified silence. But knowing me, I'd be the wife who follows them to the hotel, reports the credit card stolen, tells the hotel that *I'm Mrs Frusdil*, gets the key to the room and bursts in and rains hell down upon their skanky as$es.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe have divorce papers ready (you can download them on-line) and deliver them to him at the bar if he's there with that woman or any other woman.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe have divorce papers ready (you can download them on-line) and deliver them to him at the bar if he's there with that woman or any other woman.


But first say "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?" as he looks at you in surprise because you are the last person he expects to be standing there. 

Then whip out the papers and slowly sip your drink as he opens them and reads them. 

Don't show any emotion. Just slowly sip and look him dead in the eye as he reads the complaint with his name as defendant. 

Trust me the effect will be worth it. You could finish up by splashing him in the face with what's left of your drink but that part is optional and you don't want to get the divorce papers all wet.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Manchester said:


> But first say "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?" as he looks at you in surprise because you are the last person he expects to be standing there.
> 
> Then whip out the papers and slowly sip your drink as he opens them and reads them.
> 
> ...


Na, that part could get her charged with assault... on TAM we do not allow suggestions of violence or illegal acts. So, while it makes for good drama in a movie, not so much in real life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Na, that part could get her charged with assault... on TAM we do not allow suggestions of violence or illegal acts. So, while it makes for good drama in a movie, not so much in real life.


And it's a waste of a drink.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is this the woman from the high school reunion or is this a different woman?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Wow... :surprise:


Why "Wow"?

Its a valid question. Is the person fun to take out and interacts with others; or do they sit in the corner and glare/cold shoulder/offend everybody. Or complain about the events for weeks afterwards. Or steal stuff! Or get bad/nasty/louddrunk every time. Or hit on everything with legs/marriage women/certain guys ... or pull hate on same.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Why "Wow"?
> 
> Its a valid question. Is the person fun to take out and interacts with others; or do they sit in the corner and glare/cold shoulder/offend everybody. Or complain about the events for weeks afterwards. Or steal stuff! Or get bad/nasty/louddrunk every time. Or hit on everything with legs/marriage women/certain guys ... or pull hate on same.


So now it’s ok to blame the BS for their spouse cheating? Got it!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So now it’s ok to blame the BS for their spouse cheating? Got it!


My wife has a social phobia so hates going to parties.

So we don't go to parties.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

I'm sorry. I didn't realize splashing someone in the face with a drink was assault and is considered to be a violent or illegal act.

Live and learn!


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Are you fun to go out with? Or are you kind of a drag?


I totally get where you are coming from!

My exwife would go out.

a LOT.

I didn't want to go out much I'm a homebody.

So she went more and more and we drifted apart and she met a guy and is now living with him.

It's a *GOOD* question.

Questons like that inspire ourselves to look within and say "What did I do to cause this" or at least "What could I have done differently to prevent this".


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