# Moving on-differences in men and women



## jk1223 (11 mo ago)

This came from a conversationni had with an older friend a few months after his wife passed. She had been ill for a long time and he was faithful, but had now become interested in a lady at church. He was wondering how long was appropriate to wait. He was expressing how different it is moving forward after a death as opposed to divorce in the case of his first marriage. That led into the differences in the genders and how they process losses of both kinds.

I could definitely see his desire to move forward with his life. He had dealt with extended debilitating illness for a long time. In a lot of ways, parts of his marriage had ended long ago. The need for companionship is a real thing. Compare that to my mother who lost my father almost 2 years ago and will barely get out of bed even now in spite of extensive counseling.

Losing a spouse by divorce, of course, is a different loss. I've seen a lot of men move on very quickly. My cousin ended an intense four year live in relationship then married a woman he had known six months. Not sure how well that bodes for that union, but we will see. Several men I know have entered into relatively serious exclusive type relationships, moving in together, etc, shortly after while most of my female friends stay single or have been single a while. Obviously, there are exeptions to this. I know that personally, I have no interest in dating right now, especially since it's not final yet. I can see a day where I might want a committed companion, but I do not think I will feel the need to cohabitate or get married. Just don't think I would feel it necessary at this point in my life. I can see my ex being the complete opposite.

Of course this is all generalities. I just thought it made a good discussion point. What makes certain people more inclined to move quickly, while others are less so. Is is a need to feel needed, not be alone. An ability to compartmentalize? In no way, shape, or form meant to be derogatory, just my musings.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have noticed over the years that men jump very quickly into new relationships and marriages after both death and divorce. I know 3 men who were dating within weeks of their spouse dying and they married about a year later. I just couldn't comprehend that at all. How can you possibly have grieved after such a very short time? 
I was divorced after a 25 year marriage and it took me 4 years to begin thinking about dating again. If my husband were to die before me I wouldn't consider dating at all.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

My ex remarried, and I have not. But when I think about it, I think of course he remarried. Marriage was good to him. His quality of life went way up when he married me and way down when he divorced me. (Although it was still better that what it was before we married.) I on the other hand, felt like I did all the work when were married. And now that I live alone, I find I just don’t have the desire to take care of another husband. I know there are good men out there who can’t actually reciprocate the care taking, but to be honest, most are still married.


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## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

When I got divorced I never looked back. We both saw the clues that it was coming for many, many years. I think he just chose not to believe it. I moved on faster than he did, it took separating for him to see what a great wife I was (or at least he finally acted like it, that may have been his ego not wanting the world to see that I left). If my current hubby were to leave or pass I would in all honesty probably never marry again. If I were to leave or pass I do think my hubby would find someone new. And if that's what would make him happy it's what I would want.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

There are no right or wrong answers. A dear friend lost his wife after a protracted illness. He was in a new relationship within 6 months. My father started keeping company with a woman maybe 6 months after my mom died. It's really nobody else's business & more a function of when the person is ready.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

It probably depends on a person's attachment to the relationship and the other factors that affect one's ability to get into future relationships.
Age, money, health, physcial attractiveness and the other things.

Somebody who can easily jump ship tends to not be as attached to their relationships than those with fewer options.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> It probably depends on a person's attachment to the relationship and the other factors that affect one's ability to get into future relationships.
> Age, money, health, physcial attractiveness and the other things.
> 
> Somebody who can easily jump ship tends to not be as attached to their relationships than those with fewer options.


Not sure its to do with the options a person has for future relationships, but when they have recovered enough to think about another relationship. I didn't even think about dating for 4 years, it had nothing to do with options as I wasn't even looking or interested.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure its to do with the options a person has for future relationships, but when they have recovered enough to think about another relationship. I didn't even think about dating for 4 years, it had nothing to do with options as I wasn't even looking or interested.


People who tend to get hit hard with the loss of relationships tend to have less options than the other spouse.
It usually isn't they that ended the relationship in the first place.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> People who tend to get hit hard with the loss of relationships tend to have less options than the other spouse.
> It usually isn't they that ended the relationship in the first place.


I honestly dont think how hard we are hit is anything to do with the options we may have in the future.Those like me who were truly devasted dont think that way.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I wonder if it has to do with how the sexes process emotions. Women, I think, are more in-tune with their emotions. I do feel that women are MUCH stronger in dealing with emotions than men.


Men DO have emotions -- no question -- but I think most men feel uncomfortable with thinking about/dealing with their emotions. Maybe men move on faster so that they don't have time to dwell on the feelings (because they will be overwhelmed).
I don't know, just a thought...


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

My ex wife moved her new dude into the house 2 weeks after I left. They are now engaged. We’ve been officially divorced only 9 months.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

My uncle honestly said a week after his wife’s death he didn’t know where stuff was in the kitchen and didn’t want to start learning and quote ‘I need a woman’ 😳

it shocked us because he was quite controlling and dominant and ran the home really efficiently. Also very possessive of his wife, so 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was very religious too so it blew our minds when he was actively recruiting and talking about other widows and divorcees during the wake. So we really had to ask if he was ok, it was so unlike him. He moved on very quickly when the 2nd wife became sick too. (First wife died suddenly). Truly shocks us still, because he seemed very very attached to each woman.

I do know a couple of men in our community who didn’t ever date again and still speak of their wives who passed. Most of the men I know though married super quick after divorcing, some now onto their third wives. Irregardless or when their they left, or their wives left them.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Men tend to replace their wives pretty seamlessly unless their ego was damaged. When a woman dies, a man usually will get a new one very shortly because they want household help and an easy option for sex. Men also have more options because they can be with a much younger woman.

Women tend to try again no matter what the circumstances of the divorce were, but it’s harder because men want someone young and they don’t want extra responsibilities like someone else’s children. The man who is a good father to stepchildren is a rare gem. I think for women it depends a lot on their financial situation, sadly. Widows seem to be the least likely to marry again, usually because financially they have the option of being on their own.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Men tend to replace their wives pretty seamlessly unless their ego was damaged. When a woman dies, a man usually will get a new one very shortly because they want household help and an easy option for sex. Men also have more options because they can be with a much younger woman.
> 
> Women tend to try again no matter what the circumstances of the divorce were, but it’s harder because men want someone young and they don’t want extra responsibilities like someone else’s children. The man who is a good father to stepchildren is a rare gem. I think for women it depends a lot on their financial situation, sadly. Widows seem to be the least likely to marry again, usually because financially they have the option of being on their own.


I know a few gems who are great step dads/grandads.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

It takes me a long time to move on after a breakup. The intellect knows it was the smart thing to do but the damn heart hangs on for as long as it can. I can be loyal to a fault. I'm female.

I personally know two people going through the process of losing a much loved spouse to death. The female cut everyone out of her life when her husband passed two years ago. She's traveling alone and blogging about her process, trying to come to terms. Facing her pain.

The male lost his wife and began dating six months later saying his wife would want him to move on, want him to find happiness. With him it seems like he's not so much interested in meeting someone he can value and love as much as he's looking for someone to take care of him, fill his wife's shoes. He comes off as desperate.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> _*I have noticed over the years that men jump very quickly into new relationships and marriages after both death and divorce. I know 3 men who were dating within weeks of their spouse dying and they married about a year later. I just couldn't comprehend that at all. How can you possibly have grieved after such a very short time?
> I was divorced after a 25 year marriage and it took me 4 years to begin thinking about dating again. If my husband were to die before me I wouldn't consider dating at all.*_


LOL...most men need a mommy-wife to do everything for them but chew their food. So many of them have no clue how to live on their own and depended on their wives to do just about everything for them. Hell, if I'm not home for the afternoon, my husband will eat Oreos for lunch rather than make a damned sandwich - but he sure as hell wouldn't settle for Oreos for lunch if I were home.

I would expect this from men who had a mommy-wife their whole adult lives who made all their meals for them, made sure they had clean clothes in their drawers and food in the fridge and shampoo and soap in the shower and clean sheets to lay on at night, and the list just goes on and on and on.

They're not looking for love, they're looking for a CARETAKER.

LOL and Diana, you didn't *need* someone to spoonfeed you and tell you when to come in out of the rain, so that's why you were able to take 4 years of time to yourself without any trouble.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I know a few gems who are great step dads/grandads.


Me too.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Not said:


> It takes me a long time to move on after a breakup. The intellect knows it was the smart thing to do but the damn heart hangs on for as long as it can. I can be loyal to a fault. I'm female.
> 
> I personally know two people going through the process of losing a much loved spouse to death. The female cut everyone out of her life when her husband passed two years ago. She's traveling alone and blogging about her process, trying to come to terms. Facing her pain.
> 
> The male lost his wife and began dating six months later saying his wife would want him to move on, want him to find happiness. With him it seems like he's not so much interested in meeting someone he can value and love as much as he's looking for someone to take care of him, fill his wife's shoes. He comes off as desperate.


I think that's the case with a lot of men. They can't seem to cope on their own. Women seem more resilient generally.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

When my mom’s mom died my grandpa dated a woman until she died but never got married.

When my dad’s died my grandma lived by herself and always seemed very happy and never had another man in the picture.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I would expect this from men who had a mommy-wife their whole adult lives who made all their meals for them, made sure they had clean clothes in their drawers and food in the fridge and shampoo and soap in the shower and clean sheets to lay on at night, and the list just goes on and on and on.
> 
> They're not looking for love, they're looking for a CARETAKER.


For these men, their wives are interchangeable with other women. They'd be more upset if they had to replace a hunting dog. Any woman would do, as long as she was attractive and obedient and most of all, SILENT. 



She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL and Diana, you didn't *need* someone to spoonfeed you and tell you when to come in out of the rain, so that's why you were able to take 4 years of time to yourself without any trouble.


I wish ALL women knew they had those abilities. They'd be less likely to end up being someone's caretaker.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...most men need a mommy-wife to do everything for them but chew their food. So many of them have no clue how to live on their own and depended on their wives to do just about everything for them. Hell, if I'm not home for the afternoon, my husband will eat Oreos for lunch rather than make a damned sandwich - but he sure as hell wouldn't settle for Oreos for lunch if I were home.
> 
> I would expect this from men who had a mommy-wife their whole adult lives who made all their meals for them, made sure they had clean clothes in their drawers and food in the fridge and shampoo and soap in the shower and clean sheets to lay on at night, and the list just goes on and on and on.
> 
> ...


A harem would do! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just kidding it to me would seem to depend on too many variables to make a summary call.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

There's the recovery phase, then there's the replacement phase.

Recovery can span from immediate to years. Last one took me about 6 months but I had someone outright flirting with me on a daily basis to shake me out of a depressive loop. Could have easily went over a year or more.

I found the replacement phase unpredictable too, and harder the more relationships you have. Tend to be more and more picky 😑

So either way... can't really put a timer on either.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I got married at age 34 and took care of myself just fine. My life was also a lot simpler before I got married.

my wife on the other hand would have her mom drive 5 hours to take care of of her when she got the flu in college.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Women swarmed by father at my mother's funeral.

That being said, older men are often afraid they will might never have another relationship. They grab on early to not miss an opportunity. Since marriages between widowed spouses are often marriages of convenience, they often work out well.


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## jk1223 (11 mo ago)

I agree there is no right or wrong answer or definitive "okay" time line. I wonder if some of it doesn't come down to what we look for in a relationship. On the whole, women are more concerned with the emotional side (although men certainly need that emotional support too) and men are a bit more practical. Most men I know simply do not want to be alone. My husband would hardly stay at the house by himself. If we were on an errand that would take a few hours, if he wasn't sleeping, he was gone doing something else. Could not deal with an empty house at all. I, on the other hand, was perfectly content if I had a whole weekend on my own and never had to leave my living room. Difference in personalities, I guess. As far as remarrying, in my twenties it was time to get married, have children, build the life. Now that part is largely done so I do not feel the need to "legalize" a relationship. I used to joke that if I died, my husband would have used the preacher at the funeral to officiate a wedding same day. This was just a joke, but really not too far off base. His needs are different. 

Two years after my father's passing, my mother is worse off today than she was the day he died. She does nothing but lie in bed and post sad memes. She refuses to help herself. We wish she would get involved with someone, friends or romantically, but she refuses to even try. It is very sad because she is still relatively young. I know my father would much rather her be happy and I've told her so. No way he would have wasted his life like this. Even with divorce, I wish him well. I don't wish anyone a life of misery.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

jk1223 said:


> This came from a conversationni had with an older friend a few months after his wife passed. She had been ill for a long time and he was faithful, but had now become interested in a lady at church. He was wondering how long was appropriate to wait. He was expressing how different it is moving forward after a death as opposed to divorce in the case of his first marriage. That led into the differences in the genders and how they process losses of both kinds.
> 
> I could definitely see his desire to move forward with his life. He had dealt with extended debilitating illness for a long time. In a lot of ways, parts of his marriage had ended long ago. The need for companionship is a real thing. Compare that to my mother who lost my father almost 2 years ago and will barely get out of bed even now in spite of extensive counseling.
> 
> ...


I've seen lots of scenarios for both sexes, it generally comes down to finances and the ability to take care of yourself. People who are more independent don't tend to remarry, people who aren't are in a hurry. Though, I've also seen some people want the status of being husband/wife instead of bf/gf. 

For the record, my bf and I started dating before my divorce was final, but have been taking things slowly. Honestly, it annoys me to refer to him as my bf, it seems so juvenile for people our age. However, I'm not in a hurry to remarry, if ever, marriage was not a bed of roses for me the last time around even when things were "good".


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

jk1223 said:


> Two years after my father's passing, my mother is worse off today than she was the day he died. She does nothing but lie in bed and post sad memes. She refuses to help herself. We wish she would get involved with someone, friends or romantically, but she refuses to even try. It is very sad because she is still relatively young. I know my father would much rather her be happy and I've told her so. No way he would have wasted his life like this. Even with divorce, I wish him well. I don't wish anyone a life of misery.


The women in my family never remarried after their spouses died, or divorced. My mom was single since her mid 30's, and she had a lot of interested men, but she didn't want to trade her freedom after her experience with my father.

In my culture, it seems to be an unvoiced expectation that women stay single after they've had their children if their husbands move on (death/divorce), but men move on to the next woman ASAP. I actually got pushback from some extended family when I started dating again, so I simply don't tell anyone anything anymore.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Hell, if I'm not home for the afternoon, my husband will eat Oreos for lunch rather than make a damned sandwich - but he sure as hell wouldn't settle for Oreos for lunch if I were home.


Oh how I laughed at this - so true, my husband does this too  



Sfort said:


> Since marriages between widowed spouses are often marriages of convenience, they often work out well.


Also true. I think a lot of the time widows/widowers remarry purely for companionship, so they have someone to keep them company until they're reunited with their late spouse. Kind of sweet in a way.

That said, I would never get involved with a widower, not in a pink fit.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

There is research on the topic. In several studies, it has been shown that men take longer to recover from break-ups. They may begin dating sooner, but that doesn't mean the underlying grief has been processed.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

Not said:


> With him it seems like he's not so much interested in meeting someone he can value and love as much as he's looking for someone to take care of him, fill his wife's shoes. He comes off as desperate.


That's just sad, a man needs to be able to take care of himself! (women do too, for that matter...)


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I have noticed over the years that men jump very quickly into new relationships and marriages after both death and divorce. I know 3 men who were dating within weeks of their spouse dying and they married about a year later. I just couldn't comprehend that at all. How can you possibly have grieved after such a very short time?
> I was divorced after a 25 year marriage and it took me 4 years to begin thinking about dating again. If my husband were to die before me I wouldn't consider dating at all.


That is interesting. I was hanging out with an older woman who is a friend, her daughter and my mom. Her daughter and my mom are married. Friend was widowed. The widowed friend said she couldn't imagine ever wanting to get married again. Not in a sad way, but sort of incredulous about the idea (the conversation came up because she had seen a widowed friend remarry). My mom and her daughter conversationally agreed that if something happened to their spouse, if they passed away, they wouldn't want to get married again. "It's hard!" joked the daughter. But I sort of agree. Marriage is a lot of hard work and is not a good choice for people who don't REALLY want to get married. But I was surprised as my parents have a happy (if sometimes ornery) marriage, and the daughter and her husband have a really awesome relationship. The daughter asked me if I dated and I explained I was more focused at the moment on building friendships, spending time with my son and doing things that help others or that I enjoy to stay healthy, like hiking, running etc. But I do see the differences. I am sure there are men who would decide not to marry again. But it made me wonder, what their husbands would do in the same position?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Oh how I laughed at this - so true, my husband does this too
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My wife is the opposite. If I am away on business and my wife is by herself she mainly eats popcorn and quesadillas to the point where I make fun of her for eating like she’s a junior high school student.

One time I came home from a week long trip and she was beaming. She was very proud of herself that she threw salmon and some asparagus on a sheet pan instead of having quesadillas every night. She was right! I was proud of her.

As for companionship I think it’s a good idea. My next door neighbor was an elderly lady who’s son lives a half a mile down the road in the same neighborhood. Their family bought her the house next door so she could be nearby.

One day we came home from errands and she was on her porch in her robe and she was crying and sobbing loudly. We asked her what was wrong and she said, “Everyone I know is dead. All my friends are dead.” It was sad. I don’t want to see anyone like that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife is the opposite. If I am away on business and my wife is by herself she mainly eats popcorn and quesadillas to the point where I make fun of her for eating like she’s a junior high school student.
> 
> One time I came home from a week long trip and she was beaming. She was very proud of herself that she threw salmon and some asparagus on a sheet pan instead of having quesadillas every night. She was right! I was proud of her.
> 
> ...


I wonder if her family encouraged her to get involved with seniors groups or anything like that? There are tons of activities for seniors so they can meet people and do fun stuff and make friends so she wouldn’t be alone. 🥺


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I wonder if her family encouraged her to get involved with seniors groups or anything like that? There are tons of activities for seniors so they can meet people and do fun stuff and make friends so she wouldn’t be alone. 🥺


I think she was kind of done sadly although she lived for many years after that. She ended up getting Covid and surviving that but passed a couple months later.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think she was kind of done sadly although she lived for many years after that. She ended up getting Covid and surviving that but passed a couple months later.


I’m so sorry, that’s sad. There are a lot of options out there, a woman doesn’t have to marry for companionship. At their age they should be allowed to enjoy life anyway, not spend it as someone’s maid and cook. Poor thing, loneliness is hard.


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Not sure its to do with the options a person has for future relationships, but when they have recovered enough to think about another relationship.


I agree.

I think the best way of describing my reaction was like being in a bad car wreck. Afterwards you avoid driving, or at least are afraid of driving. Not because bad car wrecks always result, but just because you're wanting to avoid even the small possibility of being in a bad car wreck again. But over time that fear will probably wear off and you'll hopefully get back into a car and into another serious relationship.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

People often say that the pain of divorce is worse than the death of a spouse. I can't say either way as I've never been divorced or widowed. I can see why they say that though. I think I'd cope better if my husband died than if he divorced me. At least being separated through death, I know that he loved me and it wasn't his choice to leave me. The thought of him not loving or wanting me anymore would break me I think.


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

frusdil said:


> The thought of him not loving or wanting me anymore would break me I think.


Exactly.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frusdil said:


> People often say that the pain of divorce is worse than the death of a spouse. I can't say either way as I've never been divorced or widowed. I can see why they say that though. I think I'd cope better if my husband died than if he divorced me. At least being separated through death, I know that he loved me and it wasn't his choice to leave me.


I have been through both, and I agree with what you say.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Laurentium said:


> I have been through both, and I agree with what you say.


I remember thinking it would have been easier if my ex had died than dealing with divorce. But, he turned out to be a turd I'd have have to polish at his funeral, so it's cool.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

TXTrini said:


> I remember thinking it would have been easier if my ex had died than dealing with divorce. But, he turned out to be a turd I'd have have to polish at his funeral, so it's cool.


100%.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Generally, I believe after long marriages women enjoy the freedom of not having to take care of all and sundry. Men generally need someone to take care of all and sundry so form new relationships quickly. OK I will probably get some 2X4s for this statement but I still stand by it.,


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

If for some tragic reason W and I separated it would be for grevious emotionally painful reasons and subsequently I'd have no qualms sleeping around immediately but wouldn't want a serious relationship for a good while.

I don't see this ever happening so haven't been there, just surmising at this point. I've always been that way though - if anyone screws me it's immediately screw you too, with great vigor right away.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Some of this depends on the circumstances of either the death or divorce. 

Most divorces don’t just drop into people’s laps one day (although some certainly do)

For a number of divorces, the relationship was dying or outright dead for years. The papers get signed and byTuesday one or both decide they want to have a relationship again. 

They don’t need a mourning period or an adjustment period because they mourned years ago and have been adjusting to being on their own over a period of years as well. 

The same can occur with a death after an illness. For some, they were more like nurses than partners for a long time.

And like with the divorces noted above, they have already been through much of their mourning period and have already adjusted to being on their own.

That doesn’t mean that they aren’t sad, but they have already accepted and adapted to the end of the relationship.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> The same can occur with a death after an illness. For some, they were more like nurses than partners for a long time.
> 
> And like with the divorces noted above, they have already been through much of their mourning period and have already adjusted to being on their own.
> 
> That doesn’t mean that they aren’t sad, but they have already accepted and adapted to the end of the relationship.


An example of this occurred with one of my wife’s childhood friends a few years ago.

My wife’s friend and her husband had moved out of state years ago and other than superficial contact on social media for their birthdays and online holiday greetings, they had not had any meaningful contact with each other in many years.

One day my wife got an email from her husband that she was very Ill and was going into hospice and that she had told him to contact my wife to break it to their circle of childhood friends.

We made arrangements with our employers and packed up and went to see her. 

As she was on her death bed gurgling and gasping, her husband made some off-the-cuff comment to about when he’ll get out on the dating market again.

My wife was aghast and insensed that he could even think such a thing let alone say it out loud to one of his wife’s childhood friends.

As the story played out however is my wife’s friend had been a long time alcoholic since before they had married and while the first several years of their marriage had been functional, the last several years were her drinking herself to death with basically keeping out of jail, fed and with a roof over her head and they had not had any kind of meaningful relationship for many years. 

His comment to my wife was very inappropriate and untimely and insensitive and boorish. 

But the point is, the woman he married and their relationship had been dead for years and he had already gone through the mourning process years ago. Her body was still breathing at the time he said that, but the person he married and the relationship they had was long gone years prior. 

After she passed, he and their teen boys moved back to his home town and the last I heard, he did get involved with someone and we have not had any further contact with him nor he with us.

My point to this story is to my wife and her circle of old friends, he is the devil incarnate for thinking about dating while she was gasping her final breaths on her death bed and that is the narrative they will always tell. 

But from his perspective, he had already been a widower for years, he was just assigned to be her caretaker until she was officially pronounced. 

Some people would want nothing to do with having another partner after that.

Others remember the good times and want to have that again, but they seem like they are out on the prowl before the ink is dry and that the death/break up didn’t even bother them, but the reality is relationship and personal connection had already ended years prior and they have already been through their grieving process and already adjusted to the thought of being on their own.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

aine said:


> Generally, I believe after long marriages women enjoy the freedom of not having to take care of all and sundry. *Men generally need someone to take care of all and sundry so form new relationships quickly.* OK I will probably get some 2X4s for this statement but I still stand by it.,


I can take care of myself thank you. I currently do my own laundry. I load and unload the dishwasher. I can wash and dry dishes. I clean the house better than my STBX. I can bake and cook anything as long as I have a recipe. I've made Chinese food from scratch when I couldn't afford to buy it.

I also take care of all the regular man things around the house, like taking out the trash and doing the yard work. I can move tonnes of snow when I have to. I'm good with tools when I need to be. I just repaired a problem with my roof caused by high winds. So I can work in high places without killing myself.

I have already piloted a plane solo, and plan to drive a NASCAR really soon. Actually, I think I'm a good catch for a woman looking for a helpmate and someone that will love and cherish her.

And no, I would never punish anyone with a 2X4. 😁


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