# Married American Expat



## Nikki195 (Sep 15, 2010)

wow where to begin.. ok i'll start with an introduction. my name is Nikki, i'm 25 and moved in england about 2 years ago. the only reason why i even visited england in the first place is because i wanted to be with my fiance at the time who is a british national. i stayed for a few months in england with him and during that time I got pregnant with our daughter who is now 2 years old.i had to go back to the states when i was a few months pregnant just so we could get married so i did all my paperwork i was required to do got the entry clearance visa came back to get married so i could give birth in the uk so my husband would be able to be there for the birth of his daughter. but i am starting to feel alittle resentment now. i feel really homesick. i lost weight. I dont feel i'm eating right anymore i just feel miserable. i feel like i cant better myself here in england because in the states i had everything i needed. a car, a drivers license, opportunities to go to school. but here i have none of that i want to bring my husband and daughter to oregon with me but my husband doesnt want that. and he wont let me take my daughter so i'm thinking maybe its best if i go back on my own and try to better myself. go to school earn a decent living and come and visit my daughter when possible.It feels like me and my husband are on a brink because of my feelings and i just dont know how to tell him. i really wish he would consider trying to come to the states with me because atleast in Oregon we'd have everything we need and maybe more. Is it selfish to want to be happy and make more of myself atleast for my daughter? i know maybe it is alittle selfish but i just feel really sick and sad inside all the time. my husband sees it and everytime he asks about it i deny it. i'm tired of denying it and hiding my feelings with a fake smile when inside i'm dying. I really miss my family and friends in Oregon. I have no one out here but my husband and daughter and you would think that was enough but sadly its not. I'm stuck in a house all day, cant find work out here, cant drive because the rules out here on british roads are pretty difficult. please any advice would be essential to me.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I moved for my husband too, to a place where I did not know ANYONE else but him and his family. I did not work either but I still got to meet new friends, learned all the driving rules and laws and such. I left him is because he would not move out of his parents' home among other things. 

Now, you have a 2 year old daughter and young children generally need their mother! 

Doesn't your husband have friends, married couples who you can hang out with?

You can always create a social life for yourself, especially since it's an English speaking country! 

You can make friends with other parents in your kid's kindergarten, find a hobby and join some kind of club to meet new people.

Why can't you go to school there? You are married to an English citizen aren't you? Why don't you apply for citizenship there too? 

And as far as I know, American driver's license passes in most countries, especially the UK.

I don't know about you but I'd get off my ass and learn the driving rules for my daughter's sake because she is truly worth much more than that.

I would also go to therapy and join a gym, not necessarily because my body looks ugly, but working out takes the stress off and makes you feel good about yourself.

Not eating right, being alone and not being able to drive is not a good enough reason to leave your child to go back so you can drive and eat right and study. 

Sorry if I sound judgmental but if your marriage is not crap, if I were you' I would not leave my little girl all alone.


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## Nikki195 (Sep 15, 2010)

Fair enough. and i cant go to school because we dont have funds. we live on minimum wage where he works. and most of that money goes to bills, food and baby products that my daughter would need. that leaves little to do else where. and i'm already in the process of getting my permanent res visa thats not the problem.my problem is i miss my surroundings, my family, my friends.i miss the holidays like independance day, sportman holiday. i miss the hot weather. its alot different over here than over there. and i'm taking driving lessons so i'm not being a martyr here i am doing what i need to for my daughters sake but i cant see how i'm gonna do all these things.and no my husband doesnt really have that many friends. hell when i first moved here nobody really called him and nobody ever came to visit the house except his moms friend who well aint exactly a friend of mine.oh and no my husband wants me to drive manuals so thats why i'm taking lessons to learn the rules of the road but also to drive stick shift because i never drove manuals before only automatics. my license wouldnt cover my husbands car


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I really don't know what to tell you. For me MY family comes before everyone else. I have an 8 month old baby girl and I can't imagine leaving her in another country because I miss someone/something. 

I think you should try to socialize there and get out of the house more often, with or without your daughter. You don't really need a lot of money to go to a park with other parents. Do some charity work where you can socialize or if you're christian join a church group. There are plenty of ways to keep yourself occupied so you won't feel homesick.

I did miss my family and friends too, I would get all teared up at first whenever my mom would tell me people were over. But I got to make friends and it got much better. 

If you find other Americans in your city and you will be able to celebrate the same holidays together. 

I just have a feeling that you put other things above your child, and when you leave you might not even have time or money to go see her. I mean, how would that make her feel? 

My husband is in the US and I'm in Europe and I am the one who is worried about how my daughter, when she's older, will react to the fact that her dad won't come see her and it's been 7 months. I don't think he'll be visiting her that often as the years go by. 

He doesn't want to live here because all his family and friends are there, plus he's a momma's boy, so I guess it's easier for him to give up his own flesh and blood than some friends and family.

I can only say I can relate to your husband, and somewhat to you, except I'm going through a divorce. And it hurt a lot at first, but then I thought his loss to hell with him and his family and friends. lol


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