# Just Wondering...



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

As I'm here cleaning up a half dozen messes that the dog left for me, and son didn't bother to clean up, I got to thinking, what makes it ok for our S/O's to up and walk out on all responsibilities? Not that cleaning up after the dog was ever his responsibility, it just got the wheels turning. From there it went to how he's just walked out on everything. I've always believed that he felt his only responsibility in our marriage was to get up in the morning and bring home a paycheck; I took care of EVERYTHING else. He has walked out on the daily grind of everything and he's OK with that and not feeling an ounce of guilt. Yes, our kids are older (18 and moved out and 15 but still living here obviously), but he has left me holding the bag.:scratchhead:

Just had to vent. Thanks for listening.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I wonder that a lot myself. It's amazing to me that their moral compass, or lack thereof, allows them to think it's somehow okay - even with whatever rationalizations they invent - to just walk out on the responsibilities and families that they have chosen to create. 

I think it would be different if there were a lot of problems in the marriage and the couple gave it 100% to try to make it work. If it didn't, both parties are at least involved in the decision to end the relationship.

In my case, and I'm guessing in yours as well, it's not like that. They sit and stew and never communicate a problem until it's far too late. They've started down the slippery slope and can't get back up. They've checked out of the marriage before we even knew there was a problem. By that time, they have convinced themselves of all of the reasons why moving on and forgetting about us is a good idea.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with everything. It can get overwhelming at times. At the same time, this type of person is an anchor around our necks. We do and fix and take care of everything - maybe they can walk away so easily because they know that.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Blownaway, your words ring true in my case, especially the whole checking out before I even knew there was a problem. We've not had the best marriage and I can take, and do take most of the responsibility for that. I've not been an easy person to please. But as I've come to learn through therapy, I dealt with life the way I knew how with the mood disorder I have. I'm not trying to make excuses for my, at times, bad behavior. I just always thought that we were both committed to making this work no matter what it took. You don't stay in a marriage 20 something years to just one day up and say you're done without trying everything you can to work on issues. But, that's what he's done.


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