# If Being Alpha is so important



## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

What happens when you go on Holiday with the inlaws and your Brother In Law is clearly more Alpha than you??


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Is he an Alpha dik, or just alpha.?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

Do you mean dik as in (****head or idiot)?
No he just he is a funny guy and most people take to him.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No worries. Remember, being alpha is knowing that you don't get worried or riled up or jealous...or an orbiter...because your o alpha you've seen it all, done it all, and are totally confident. 

Just be as confident as you can, like he's no big deal. Portray your alphaness in your confidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I'm not a great story teller. So, when I'm around these types, I just sit back and enjoy.

Remember, focus on your strengths.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

According to the Dog Whisperer, I think you're supposed to walk around him at a distance, avoiding eye contact and eventually you'll have to sniff his behind. I don't think humans need to be concerned about Alphas.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks yeah I know thats what I should be doing.
We have been away together before for a weekend and my wife was more interested in going over to there apartment to gather together than just chilling at ours to see if they would call over to our apartment.
although her Mother was staying over at the inlaws,it just felt like my wife wanted to be around the Alpha.
It did not help at this weekend that my wife was ill and I was running round with keeping our youngest son entertained.
Jon (brother in law) always seemed to arrange games of squash with the rest of the family while I was busy with my son at the pool.

Nothing happened she was ill and She was always with Jon her sister Mum and Brother and our kids

At gatherings sometimes he will stand talking to the majority of the crowd and he will have his back to me.
When I say sometimes this happens on occasion more often than not
He will even walk along me and my 7 year old son and be next to my son and talk to my son more than me in fact blocking him from me as we walk..

Minor complaints I know but this behaviour sometimes bothers me


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

My BIL is just as alpha as I am, but he is younger, yet a VP of a fortune 500 company. I think we would get along better if his wife didn't always point out that he was useless when it comes to things like broken garage doors, or even assembling bicycles, so she puts together a list of things for me to do when I visit. This infuriates him, and I've asked my wife to mediate. 

Clearly, in areas where you excell, don't be afraid to take the lead, but an effective alpha knows when to shut up and let others have center stage. For instance, I'm the one who gives toasts or speeches at family events because I'm more comfortable with it. If I don't take the lead, he or another will ask me to. He is a really funny guy, whereas I'm terrible at telling stories, so we've found our natural boundaries. He entertains the family with his stories and activities.

Just remember that being alpha doesn't mean that you are always center stage. Its more like you make sure that someone is, if it is needed.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> My BIL is just as alpha as I am, but he is younger, yet a VP of a fortune 500 company. I think we would get along better if his wife didn't always point out that he was useless when it comes to things like broken garage doors, or even assembling bicycles, so she puts together a list of things for me to do when I visit. This infuriates him, and I've asked my wife to mediate.
> 
> Clearly, in areas where you excell, don't be afraid to take the lead, but an effective alpha knows when to shut up and let others have center stage. For instance, I'm the one who gives toasts or speeches at family events because I'm more comfortable with it. If I don't take the lead, he or another will ask me to. He is a really funny guy, whereas I'm terrible at telling stories, so we've found our natural boundaries. He entertains the family with his stories and activities.
> 
> Just remember that being alpha doesn't mean that you are always center stage. Its more like you make sure that someone is, if it is needed.


AMOG

Alpha Male Of the Group.

Do you really do his honey dos for him? I think you are causing undo hassle for your BIL and liking it too much. That said, he should deal with his wife on this. That would not sit well with me and frankly I would not put up with it from my wife. If I am a VP I would call the garage door guy out to fix the issue. I would put my own [email protected] bikes together. If I got my wife straight and you pursued this stuff, I would be all up in your face about it. But that is just me. I don't take crap from any one.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

He is better at fixing things than me.I recently got a plumber round and when my wife let this 'slip' in front of him he said that I should have asked him to do the job.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LFC said:


> Thanks yeah I know thats what I should be doing.
> We have been away together before for a weekend and my wife was more interested in going over to there apartment to gather together than just chilling at ours to see if they would call over to our apartment.
> although her Mother was staying over at the inlaws,it just felt like my wife wanted to be around the Alpha.
> It did not help at this weekend that my wife was ill and I was running round with keeping our youngest son entertained.
> ...


Some people are just @$$holes and not really Alpha. I know we tend to equate the two but you may actually intimidate him or why would he be doing this. If he was truly Alpha he would be more confident in himself and not be playing these games.

Don't put up with it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LFC said:


> He is better at fixing things than me.I recently got a plumber round and when my wife let this 'slip' in front of him he said that I should have asked him to do the job.


This is what I am talking about. No you did the right thing getting a plumber if he treats you this wrongly. If he was not doing this rubbing your nose in things you may feel fine with him doing that stuff. Women appreciate their man taking care of things. Don't display a lower value on account of this guy. He can suggest this stuff all he wants. You don;t really care. Just make sure your wife undersands and you guys are together on things. Good luck. Don't take crap from anyone.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> This is what I am talking about. No you did the right thing getting a plumber if he treats you this wrongly. If he was not doing this rubbing your nose in things you may feel fine with him doing that stuff. Women appreciate their man taking care of things. Don't display a lower value on account of this guy. He can suggest this stuff all he wants. You don;t really care. Just make sure your wife undersands and you guys are together on things. Good luck. Don't take crap from anyone.


I was also not happy at the time that my wife let is slip we had a plumber round,she said she was telling her Mum the plumber was wierd (but he wasn't wierd)

Thanks yeah a lot of it is competition and piss taking of me.
But I am due to spend a fortnight with them on holiday,
my wife has made comparisons to him before and so has my teenage daughter,it's not that I don't enjoy his company its just some of the things he does as I described


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> AMOG
> 
> Alpha Male Of the Group.
> 
> Do you really do his honey dos for him? I think you are causing undo hassle for your BIL and liking it too much. That said, he should deal with his wife on this. That would not sit well with me and frankly I would not put up with it from my wife. If I am a VP I would call the garage door guy out to fix the issue. I would put my own [email protected] bikes together. If I got my wife straight and you pursued this stuff, I would be all up in your face about it. But that is just me. I don't take crap from any one.


I think you're flying off the handle a bit. He's only home about one day every other week, and the carpenter that he hired tried to exchange his work for sex with her. The next one ripped them off, so she lived in a home for nearly a year with no working garage door in upstate New York because he kept promising to take care of it. In both cases, he did nothing because he 'didn't have the time'. I'm there for a week of vacation, and instead of spending 20 hours a day on nintendo with him, I'll take the time to make sure a toilet can flush.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LFC said:


> I was also not happy at the time that my wife let is slip we had a plumber round,she said she was telling her Mum the plumber was wierd (but he wasn't wierd)
> 
> Thanks yeah a lot of it is competition and piss taking of me.
> But I am due to spend a fortnight with them on holiday,
> my wife has made comparisons to him before and so has my teenage daughter,it's not that I don't enjoy his company its just some of the things he does as I described


I realize that relationships can get complicated in families. That said, to me anyway, the husband of his family is the Alpha male. Sure there can be an AMOG for the overall family. Those guys probably have a need somewhere to be seen that way. Also absolutely others have skills too. Accept help as long as they are not playing a game of dominance with it. Others will claim they can't help it that they have so much testoterone. Fine. Other males should not be casuing problems in your family. Draw the line there.

Yes, it is part of the female sh!t test isn't it. To pass you can't let it appear to upset you. So you need to deal with it on your own terms. Try and get to know him better. Maybe that will help. But if you are feeling he is crossing the line, he probably is. He is your son's uncle so that has value. Your kids should feel good with their uncle. No one should ever question who the head of your family is. You don't want to over react but then again this is how dogs try to dominate each other. They get in their space and try to get the other to back off. 

I suggest you be decisve in these areas and not let her family run yours. Do this in a calm confident manner and even with some humor. If he tries to interfere, in a calm light manner, tell him to back off. Like "back off big guy, I got this" with a smile looking him dead in the eye. Let him be the @$$hole. If he needs you to be more clear about it then do that in a calm light way. But be firm.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

Thanks thats a great help.Sometimes I need to lighten up.
What about the back in my face when he is talking to a group something light hearted or point it out too him (yes it is a regular occurrence).


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> I think you're flying off the handle a bit. He's only home about one day every other week, and the carpenter that he hired tried to exchange his work for sex with her. The next one ripped them off, so she lived in a home for nearly a year with no working garage door in upstate New York because he kept promising to take care of it. In both cases, he did nothing because he 'didn't have the time'. I'm there for a week of vacation, and instead of spending 20 hours a day on nintendo with him, I'll take the time to make sure a toilet can flush.


LOL. No handles were flown off. VPs of fortune 500 companies just are not what they used to be. I am taking the information provided that sounded like you did not have much respect for him. It is clear now. Yeah, you did what you should have. He has a definite gap in his game. Thanks


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LFC said:


> Thanks thats a great help.Sometimes I need to lighten up.
> What about the back in my face when he is talking to a group something light hearted or point it out too him (yes it is a regular occurrence).


Is he physically just so much larger than you? Probably does not matter, just curious.

You can return the favor and play tit for tat, but the best answer would be to come up with a way that when he does this he makes himself look silly.

Maybe some light comment. Actually you can disarm a lot of conflict with the right kind of humor. Maybe a comment like "down in front". Yeah you might call him out on it. "Hey big guy you are standing in front of me again. Back off dude." I don't think you should urinate on him but whatever works. I might trip and spill a drink on him. Light the back of his shirt on fire is a funny thought but may not be well received. 

Give him a real slap on the back as you come around him to say something to the group. That may get his attention. He will be stunned for a second, but don't skip a beat and act like it is nothing. 

Come up behind him with another beer and whatever. Get his attention as you nudge him aside to hand it to him.

Idunno. Have fun with it. Make him look the fool for it.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

No he is not bigger than me.
Ha ha got One 'Jon your neck is dirty' 1st time he does it 2nd time hey you want me to inspect for dirt again


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LFC said:


> No he is not bigger than me.
> Ha ha got One 'Jon your neck is dirty' 1st time he does it 2nd time hey you want me to inspect for dirt again


Keeping it light can get the point across yet not put them in a corner. Optimally he will learn to respect you.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

LFC said:


> I was also not happy at the time that my wife let is slip we had a plumber round,she said she was telling her Mum the plumber was wierd (but he wasn't wierd)
> 
> Thanks yeah a lot of it is competition and piss taking of me.
> But I am due to spend a fortnight with them on holiday,
> my wife has made comparisons to him before and so has my teenage daughter,it's not that I don't enjoy his company its just some of the things he does as I described


At some point, we all realize that there are plenty of others who seem to attract more attention on occasion from our wives and others close to us. Its not as much an alpha thing as the fact that she's around you all the time, so the newness wears off. To respond as an alpha man, in my opinion, you have to handle two parts: first, if your wife says things that embarass you, often its because she is saying these in a female mindset, and doesn't realize that we guys can be overly sensitive. Just ask her confidently to avoid those comments. With my wife, I've even said that I know she doesn't want me to lose control and turn into an a$$, so I need her help. 

Secondly, the worst thing you can do is to let the guy get to you. Just stick to your normal boundaries. Ultimately, your wife will see that you are being the stronger guy. If his comments become insulting, or picking, just simply stand your ground and tell him calmly that there's no reason for him to continue acting like a child. Of course, I usually say this in front of of others, because that's the whole point. By standing your ground in a diffusing way, where you are basically implying that further action on his part is being a child, or a [email protected], he's got a choice of whether to continue playing the part, or just accept that you have limits. In my early years of marriage, my wife's family included quite a few guys like you described. Every time, they would take the bait, escalate, and then scratch their head trying to figure out why everyone was looking at them like they were a jerk.

Ultimately, the turnoff for a wife, in some cases, is the insecurity that is displayed when we let things like this get to us. For me, the answer is not being more alpha (more insulting or aggressive), but in just trusting your own inner mettle, and deflecting those who try to push your buttons.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

> For me, the answer is not being more alpha (more insulting or aggressive), but in just trusting your own inner mettle, and deflecting those who try to push your buttons.


Thanks I think that sums it up.He is not ever nasty just uses put downs and piss taking in alight hearted manner.

I also remember being at his stag do about 15 years ago and some of his mates were taking the piss out off him and he did not like it very much at all, and told them to lay off as it was his Night


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> At some point, we all realize that there are plenty of others who seem to attract more attention on occasion from our wives and others close to us. Its not as much an alpha thing as the fact that she's around you all the time, so the newness wears off. To respond as an alpha man, in my opinion, you have to handle two parts: first, if your wife says things that embarass you, often its because she is saying these in a female mindset, and doesn't realize that we guys can be overly sensitive. Just ask her confidently to avoid those comments. With my wife, I've even said that I know she doesn't want me to lose control and turn into an a$$, so I need her help.
> 
> Secondly, the worst thing you can do is to let the guy get to you. Just stick to your normal boundaries. Ultimately, your wife will see that you are being the stronger guy. If his comments become insulting, or picking, just simply stand your ground and tell him calmly that there's no reason for him to continue acting like a child. Of course, I usually say this in front of of others, because that's the whole point. By standing your ground in a diffusing way, where you are basically implying that further action on his part is being a child, or a [email protected], he's got a choice of whether to continue playing the part, or just accept that you have limits. In my early years of marriage, my wife's family included quite a few guys like you described. Every time, they would take the bait, escalate, and then scratch their head trying to figure out why everyone was looking at them like they were a jerk.
> 
> Ultimately, the turnoff for a wife, in some cases, is the insecurity that is displayed when we let things like this get to us. For me, the answer is not being more alpha (more insulting or aggressive), but in just trusting your own inner mettle, and deflecting those who try to push your buttons.


Good stuff


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Halien said:


> Ultimately, the turnoff for a wife, in some cases, is the insecurity that is displayed when we let things like this get to us. For me, the answer is not being more alpha (more insulting or aggressive), but in just trusting your own inner mettle, and deflecting those who try to push your buttons.


Agreed. Keep confident, and remember you don't actually have to out-alpha him, you just have to make sure your wife doesn't out-alpha YOU. So you have a little leeway as long as she doesn't see him as a proxy for herself; that is, they team up. If that happens you absolutely have to lay down the law.


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