# Tired of all of this!



## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I'm so tried of everything! I can't go a few hours without thinking about everything that has gone on, let alone a whole day! I just want one day where I don't think about any of this, like it never happened or something, just one day! I'm so sick of losing sleep and being physically/mentally exhasted all the time. 

It's been 5 months, I would have thought most of these feelings would have calmed down at least a little bit by now. I've already got a lot on my plate and the thought of adding anything else makes me feel so overwhelmed. I just want a decent nights rest. I'm sick of all of this sh!t i'm going through!


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## gasunrise (Jan 13, 2011)

Things that have helped me: 

I bought some eggs and markers, wrote his name on them, her name on them, and a wealth of other things too and then I went outside and threw them at a wall. It felt good so I bought some more and threw them too. If need be, I'll throw some more. 

By nature I'm not comfortable with being cruel, so all of the mean, hateful and vindictive things I wanted to say but knew I wouldn't I wrote down and then burned. I put the ashes in the water and watched them flow away. I'll repeat this as need be also. 

What needs to be said I'll say but the rest, I made a decision that I did not want it to consume my life. I decided that when need be I could tell myself to "shut up" because I wasn't being helpful to me. Its been some months and there have been rough periods but it is what it is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Haha. I love the egg idea!


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Forsaken, 

what was the last thing you did for yourself? Just you, not anyone else. 

Also, is money an issue that limits your ability to do things for yourself?

Do you spend a lot of time indoors? How is your circle of friends these days? Big pool, smaller than usual? 

Let's stop talking about feeling like crap and start taking some action. 

Just about everyone that comes here has one thing in common, they dont know what to do. Well, Lets work that out, for you Forsaken, lets get a plan going and take some actions. 

Telll us the answers to those questions and maybe we can figure some things out to get you out of the funk. 

The message of pain is real and has a purpose... But the purpose is to let you know that change is needed. The message is not to make you suffer. YOU make you suffer... not the pain. There is a difference between pain and suffering. Suffering comes from the affects of pain *interfering and controlling *one's life, so let's get you in control so that the pain stops putting its nose where it doesnt belong.

-Twotimeloser


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## redrainbows (Mar 15, 2011)

Hi i can so sympathize as feeling the same again right now 9 months down the line. I wrote a post yesterday but didn't get any answers. 

I am also alone in the house all day due to a chronic illness and think i need to do something as suggested above for myself. Are you able to that?

Oh and i love the egg idea too.:smthumbup:


If there is anything else bothering you please share it with us and we may be able to help.

Thinking of you and know how you feel and what your going through and just to let you know you're now alone.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Thanks for taking time to write back to me.


I don't remember the last time that I really did anything for myself, I guess other than going out to dinner and I went and saw a movie on valentines day by myself because my wife was at work.

Money isn't really an issue, I mean it is but it isn't. I make pretty good money. I pay all of the bills but since my wife started a new job recently and makes decent money, now she can help pitch in and money won't be a problem at all.

I spend a lot of time inside, I'm a computer/gamer geek so since my wife goes to work at the same time I get off of work I spend most night by myself and I just mess around on the computer to try to keep my mind occupied. 

My circle of friends isn't very big anymore. I cut a lot of my friend off because most of them turned out to be selfish inconsiderate pricks to each other and I wanted nothing more to do with them because I didn't want to be eff'd over because I have seen them do it to each other all of the time. So the few friends I have are the ones that I know are actually my friends, 3 of them I have known for over 10+ years and 1 I have known for 7 years. Problem is they still hang out with the group of friends that I don't care to hang out with anymore, plus they still hang out with the 2 OM.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I like the old Cherokee tale of two wolves. I don't remember it all, but it goes something like this.

An elder Cherokee was talking to his grandson. He said, "Inside of me are two wolves that are constantly fighting. One if good and one if bad. (The version I read elaborates on good and bad.) You also have these two wolves inside of you. Everyone does."

The grandson contemplated on this a few minutes and asked his grandfather, "Which one will win?"

The grandfather replied, "The one I feed."

There is a lot of wisdom in this little saying. I had been feeding my anger, bitterness, pain, and resentment. Dwelling on the affair feeds the bad wolf. Lately, I have been trying to feed the good wolf by focusing on the positive things in my life. I have been devoting more time to the kids and dwelling less on the affair. Find something good to dwell on. 

Get some exercise equipment. I have started working out as well. The physical pain of all of my soreness takes away some of the concentration on the emotional pain.


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> An elder Cherokee was talking to his grandson. He said, "Inside of me are two wolves that are constantly fighting. One if good and one if bad. (The version I read elaborates on good and bad.) You also have these two wolves inside of you. Everyone does."
> 
> The grandson contemplated on this a few minutes and asked his grandfather, "Which one will win?"
> 
> The grandfather replied, "The one I feed."


 I just about busted out crying when I read that. Still not sure that I won't. Thank you for that story. I can use some of that.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Well casting, here's some more. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23016-inspiration.html


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I was finally able to get the VA to schedule a counseling appointment for me today. Finally! I have only been trying for like 2 or 3 months. Hopefully seeing the counselor monday will help me out, even if it's just a little bit.

In those kind of situations I hit a mental block and forget things that happened and how I felt/feel. I guess I should probably write things down over the next few days.

I just feel blah....


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Forsaken, in the early days I kept a pretty emotional journal, it helps short term, like I'd write pages, I'd be ok for an hour, and then I'd write more pages, it was basically the same stuff over and over, but it gave me something to do, an outlet. A week or so ago, I went out with my girl B, and we went shopping, cuz I have lost a bunch of weight, so I bought stuff that made ME feel good. 

Do you like sports? Like maybe running, lift weights? I know when all the darn snow melts around here, upper midwest, I want to either start walking or running, I detest running, but I wanna give it a try, to make me healthy. I am working on re-quitting smoking, I was smoke free for 8 years, but started back up as an unhealthy coping mechanism. That is probably why I lost the weight, so I know personally that's probably why I lost so much, LOL. But anyways, try and do stuff that you enjoyed doing by yourself at some time. Like for me, I used to LOVE crosstitching, haven't done it in years, and it occupies my mind.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Forsaken said:


> Thanks for taking time to write back to me.
> 
> 
> I don't remember the last time that I really did anything for myself, I guess other than going out to dinner and I went and saw a movie on valentines day by myself because my wife was at work.
> ...


I know how that feels Forsaken. The OP in my DW's A was my best friend of 7 years. Mind you, before we got married, I was the "man", the big guy, the leader. Now, I am pretty close to friendless my self, scared that they all might be after my wife. But find a couple of good morale friends (if none, make some) and stick with them. Thankfully, I have my brother, and a few buds I can trust, and even them I keep at a fair distance away. Thankfully the only thing I have going for me is that everyone HATES the OP. He has zero friends, ended up being kind of homeless for a while, and now is an outcast. I know it sucks, I have been there before, but find some new friends. If your a gamer just hang out at gamestop (if the employees are nice) I know I have made some friends being an employee there myself.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

You can do this Forsaken, we are your friends here, and it's nice to have people on here to lean on for sure, even though it's not real life. I wish my husband would come on here, he knows I have posted, and I have nothing to hide, has your wife tried this site? It will get better, I have my good and bad days, this evening I heard Pinks F*cken Perfect, and I can't listen to that song without tears in my eyes. I allowed myself to wallow in all the pain and distrust, etc for awhile, but then I forced myself to pull myself out of there. We all have to allow ourselves to feel the pain, but you would be surprised the inner strength, I was shocked after the last go round that I had some strength left. TAM made me realize that. I can't remember if you are in IC or not, but this site has brought me leaps and bounds, so my IC is gonna go really well I believe, just because it helped me realize so much and work on finding myself after all of these years. Remember dude, that we all are gonna have bad days, find your strength dude.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

You can expect to feel bad for sometime. Infidelity is traumatic and by nature those feelings linger. A few practical things:

1. Exercise. I'm a fairly recent convert to this idea. But hit the gym, join a team, do something that physically stretches you. The endorphins are good for well being and people need to stress their bodies.

2. Plan you OWN life. Figure out what would make YOU happy. Not the family, not the marriage, but things just for you. I wrote and recorded a heartbreak album. It was a pure vanity project and felt great to finish. 

3. Make time with male friends. Guys need guy time. 

The more you do to make your own life, the less power the betrayal has over you. Hope that helps.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Take care of yourself Forsaken, this is a lesson I have to remind myself of daily. My husband at this moment thinks that it's manipulative, but whatever.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I keep a voice recorder and talk into every day on my way home and on my way to work. I let it all out, for sure. if worst comes to worst, i will at least be able to reflect on the pain i was feeling, when i am weak. and in time, i will be able to put it past me.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Forsaken,

I'm pretty much at the same stage....will be 5 months on May 12th. Wife cheated.

I am feeling a lot better these days. One thing I have done through out this ordeal is spend some time alone in the gym working out. Made some new acquaintances there (hard to be friends with most of them...lol). It has been a really nice distraction and helps a little with the self esteme. You cant help but feel better about yourself when you see your body transform in a positive way.

Anyway, my wife has now started joining me some of the time. That has been really nice actually. I don't need the alone time anymore, and I appreciate the new ways we are spending time togeather. Beyond that the exercise makes us both feel better....look better....better sex...ect. Its all good in other words.

I'm also reading this forum and "Not Just Friends" currently. I'm enjoying both. My wife has been receptive to listening to parts that I read to her (I usually read while shes in bed watching TV next to me). Shes expressed interest and wants to read it after me.

Those are just some ideas that have been helping us.


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