# New here, newly separated



## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

Hi there, i've been reading posts for the past 2 days and finally realized i needed to join. I've been separated from my long term (5 years) live in boyfriend decided he wasn't happy and needed to stay at his parents for awhile. Well, that was 2 months ago. He agrees to go to counseling, but then cancels, agrees to sit down and talk, but then basically answers "i don't know" to everything. He claims he loves me and wants to make this work, but then refuses to put any effort into it. So today after canceling yet another counseling another appointment, i told him i wanted to have a 4 week no contact separation because i'm at my wits end. He agreed and we set up a day to get together and decide what to do next. To add another wrench to this, i have 3 children who saw (see) him as a father figure. I truely do want to spend my life with him. Before he left, we were planning our wedding and he was saving for a ring. This is so frustrating!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Welcome! You will find stories with many similarities here. I am very familiar with the "I don't know" response...I think that if you listen to yourself, deep down you know that his inaction and inability to be vulnerable with you would make a marriage difficult. Keep reading and posting, and begin to figure out what is important, what your boundaries are, and what your dealbreakers are. He is who he ie and you need to either accept him as he is, or let go of who you thougt he would be. Not easy, but we are all going through it and will be here for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Nobody is who they appear to be when you get married, because marriage changes everything...two becoming one, and don't kid yourself that living together is experiencing marriage...

Work on making yourself happy for now, give him some space...see where it goes, good luck!


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