# When Mother's Day is dreaded.



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I'm 49 years old and a mother myself. The problem is with my own mother. 

I grew up with a mentally ill mother who was extremely verbally abusive and always had erratic behavior. 

My mother did many horrible things to me and my siblings. 

I would like nothing more than to have nothing to do with my mother but she lives down the street with me and she is a part of MY children's life. 

I fake it through Mother's Day and usually buy her a generic card with either a gift card or a plant of some sort. 

She still lives in fantasy land and I get highly anxious when I am around her. It definitely ruins my own Mother's Day. 

Does anyone else have a strained relationship with their Mother?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Awwww, I am sorry . 

Every year on Mother's Day, I pray for all of my friends for whom Mother's Day is hard, either due to infertility, a loss of their mother, or a strained relationship. I will add you to my list today <3.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My mother, I believe is undiagnosed bipolar. Growing up and even now in her 80s her personality changes like the weather. I have had to distance myself from her the last few years. So i understand how today can be for some. I am jealous of others who go on to have great relationships with their mothers throughout their lives. Not in the cards for me or my two brothers.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | john pavlovitz


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm so sorry. I don't have issues with my mom but my husband does with his mom. It's kind of awkward but we just go through the motions and get the day over with.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

I too have a difficult relationship with my mother. This year she threw a "Joan Crawfordesque" tantrum when my brother forgot to make dinner reservations to her favorite restaurant and cancelled Mother's day. I feel your pain. I did however have a wonderful day with my husband and children. I even cheered myself up by googling passive aggressive Mother's day cards. My favorite was, "my therapist thinks I should send you a card." Sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all, because deep down it hurts to see all the lovey dovey facebook posts etc. etc. all day long. 

I do the distance thing with the occasional phone call every few months, but I am contemplating ending the relationship all together.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Ms. GP said:


> I too have a difficult relationship with my mother. This year she threw a "Joan Crawfordesque" tantrum when my brother forgot to make dinner reservations to her favorite restaurant and cancelled Mother's day. I feel your pain. I did however have a wonderful day with my husband and children. I even cheered myself up by googling passive aggressive Mother's day cards. My favorite was, "my therapist thinks I should send you a card." Sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all, because deep down it hurts to see all the lovey dovey facebook posts etc. etc. all day long.
> 
> I do the distance thing with the occasional phone call every few months, but I am contemplating ending the relationship all together.



Technically your a mother, so Happy Mother's Day!

I sent you this card, because I do not want to see your face! Happy Mother's Day!

Knock, knock. Who is there? No one. Happy Mother's day!

I saw a drunk person fall over and thought of you. Happy Mother's Day!

Hi mom, you're good at disappearing, and for the longest time I thought you were invisible. Happy Mother's Day!

Mr. Fisty's greeting cards are full of love, laughs, and a lot of pent up emotions! It will make you laugh, but mostly make you cry.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Technically your a mother, so Happy Mother's Day!
> 
> I sent you this card, because I do not want to see your face! Happy Mother's Day!
> 
> ...


OMG!! These totally made my day!! Did you make these up? if so, you have a bright future my friend!!

My other favorite was, " Do you know how hard it is to find a card that doesn't say to the best mom in the world? Well, here you go!! Happy Mother's day."

Gotta love a dark sense of humor!!!


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## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

To the OP, I am with you on the Mother's day thing. I don't have a horrible relationship with my mom, she is a distant person and has difficulty showing her emotions. She is like this with everyone so it doesn't bother me so much. I did call her on the phone and sent her a card and told her I love her and was thinking about her.

I'll admit it was a difficult day for me on a personal level. I am 32 and married with no children for personal reasons. My husband suffers from depression and I am not sure I want to take on the responsibility of children and him although I would love to have children and am feeling the desire more and more but not having a fully supportive partner has deterred me from trying. The unfortunate thing is I am surrounded by friends and family who either have children or are pregnant. 

To add the final nail in the coffin, I jokingly mentioned to my husband how maybe him and the dogs (their my fur-babies) should do something nice for me that day like make supper AND do the dishes and my husband replied, "You're not a real mother." It was hurtful because I sometimes feel I do so much for our little family and don't get gratitude for it. I guess, maybe when I'm a "real" mother I will get a day off.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When you are a "real" mother, there ARE no days off. 

Just a cautionary tale - remember that no child is guaranteed to come into this world healthy. My sister has CP and still lives with my parents and when they are no longer able to help her into the shower, etc., will need a daily visit from a nurse. I am adopted.

You don't have children - that was not very nice of your husband. Shopping for cards there were a lot of choices "from pet" to choose from. It would have been a nice gesture on his part to not leave you out.

But you have a lot of souls relying on you for TLC. Including your husband. Raising a child alone is no picnic and if they have any disability (including mental/social disorders that usually don't appear until the teens), you will be doing it alone.

I'm fortunate I have a healthy, happy daughter right now. It's hard doing it primarily alone, tho.


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## terriwish (May 10, 2016)

I have never really cared about any holiday but this year it hurts you see my mother passed away last year and I miss her terribly you see she left when I was 5 and I never heard from her. But I found out she was sending me cards, presents , letters that I never got to see my father got rid of them. well long story short I got to go live with her when I was 13 because my father was sexually abusing me . My mom tried ,but I was already messed up so I became an angry teenager that didnt like staying home so Iran away . I married an abuser for 10 years he beat on me but then he passed away . I sorry I seem to be rambling but what im trying to say Is most holidays are a source of pain and suffering. Im sure many people feel the same. I found your article by accident and was reading and felt compeled to write this . I am now remarried to a wonderful man.


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## terriwish (May 10, 2016)

Well it sounds to me like hes behaving as a child ignore him and make yourself a wonderful supper and get dressed up and when he complains just tell him youre not his mother . I know it may sound petty but do it for yourself. take care !


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

terriwish,

This is a zombie thread (meaning old) and the original poster is not coming back. So I am locking the thread.

If you would like support for your issues, why not start your own thread?


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