# Crypto Gambling and separation.



## Saddie555

Hello.
I just joined this group.
I am separated from my husband and going through a rough time.

My husband got into crypto two months into our marriage and lost a lot of money. We had fights over this. I even helped him lay his loans at first. He would promise not to do it again.
But he did. Four months ago, he confessed that he hacked into my bank account and stole a huge amount of money and lost it all. I was angry and devasted . I have been financially supporting him through out our marriage and funding his exams and career. We both work. But he has lost most of his salaries in crypto and I have been paying rent and everything.

I was completely heart broken. Crypto addiction was one thing, but to steal from me too. I couldn't believe it. The money I had in my account was my inheritance money I got after my mother passed away. 
He had no right over it. And I was already paying for everything too.

I have left him and moved back with my father. Now he is apologizing and says he won't do it again. 
But I am done with him.
I don't know if I should divorce him or not.

Anyone who has gone through anything similar, help me out?


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## *Deidre*

I haven’t been through this, but he would have to get into counseling and really stick with applying the steps to recovery, for me to stay with a gambling addict. He probably can change but you won’t be able to help him. I think seeking legal counsel just in case you want to divorce, would be a good idea.

Wasting your inheritance money and all the lies that he’s been telling you, it may be hard to ever reconcile but not entirely impossible. This is a betrayal but he can overcome this if he wants to and if he does it on his own, for himself alone. If he just tells you he’s going to stop, I wouldn’t move back home. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

And you need to be done paying “for everything.”


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## Saddie555

Well he has been saying that he wouldn't do it again since the last two times he was caught. He also promised many times.
Also, I would like to add that during the last few months while he was doing it, I didn't know. He got really good at hiding it. He would spend all his time on his phone or away from me. I used to think that it was because he didn't like me anymore or didn't like my company. I was sinking into depression thinking that he didn't want to be with me. He wouldn't talk to me at all. I had to request him to have a conversation with me because I felt so alone. He would just reply with short sentences. Then, I had to ask him to look at me and make eye contact with me at least when he's replies with his short sentences.

Long story short, I was in pure agony. My self confidence was shattered because I kept blaming myself. I have always felt very lonely even when I was with him.

We were madly in love when we got married. 

He hasn't considered counseling. He keeps saying that he has left it all and when I say anything angrily to him, he says that I am causing him a lot of stress and 'emotionally mutilating' him. His words.

I have been extremely angry and frustrated with him. And I did take it out on him. But I also left him and told him countless times to not contact me . But he hasn't listened. He would constantly call and trigger my anger .

Now he's trying to make me feel guilty for kicking him when he's already down.


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## *Deidre*

People who have addictions will say anything to get their “fix,” and to sweep away the betrayal. I had a good friend who was addicted to meth. He used to be this good looking, fit smart guy but got into drugs, and meth is highly addictive. And the things he did to keep it all going was heart breaking. Eventually, our friendship had to end and I share this because you can’t save your husband. 

You can’t believe only his words, anymore. The first time he promised, okay. Not anymore. You have to be willing to let him go in order to stay strong. I don’t believe your husband is done. He’s just upset that you’re not there, and I get that. He also ran out of money. But don’t go back, not until he gets help. And I wouldn’t discuss it with him everyday etc…I’d just make it clear that he has to get help if there’s any hope of you returning. That’s what I would do. But you will feel sad about it, because you love him however if you keep going back, you’ll become an enabler.

Addictions are tough. Your husband is also used to lying so he probably will tell you he’s getting help, but he isn’t. I remember my former friend and all the lies he told me and everyone. Maybe start reading some books on how to deal with an addict if you’re in a relationship with one. That will give you some insight into all the lies they tell when their world is crashing down. Stay strong.🙏


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## Saddie555

Yes. You are right. Addicts lie. It's their habit.

I'm starting to feel like my marriage is over. The trust is gone. And I can't keep a check on him my whole life. I won't be able to trust him ever again.

We've been married for a about a year and a half only. I am 28. We don't have kids so it'll be easier to go our separate ways.

I feel like I won't be able to get over this. Or find anyone else. 
I am hurt and sad.


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## Anastasia6

Saddie555 said:


> Yes. You are right. Addicts lie. It's their habit.
> 
> I'm starting to feel like my marriage is over. The trust is gone. And I can't keep a check on him my whole life. I won't be able to trust him ever again.
> 
> We've been married for a about a year and a half only. I am 28. We don't have kids so it'll be easier to go our separate ways.
> 
> I feel like I won't be able to get over this. Or find anyone else.
> I am hurt and sad.


Why wouldn't you marriage be over. He's repeatedly lied to you and financially cheated on you. Now he's stolen from you.

You'd be best to document everything and see a divorce lawyer.
Block him so he can't call or text.

I'm sure it's painful but how could you ever trust him again?
You are only 1.5 years in and you are paying for everything. What are you getting out of the relationship?


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## *Deidre*

Saddie555 said:


> Yes. You are right. Addicts lie. It's their habit.
> 
> I'm starting to feel like my marriage is over. The trust is gone. And I can't keep a check on him my whole life. I won't be able to trust him ever again.
> 
> We've been married for a about a year and a half only. I am 28. We don't have kids so it'll be easier to go our separate ways.
> 
> I feel like I won't be able to get over this. Or find anyone else.
> I am hurt and sad.


You will feel sad for a while. But you will move on. And you may always hold a spot in your heart for him, but it won’t always hurt like it does right now.

I feel for your husband, too. It sounds like he wasn’t like this when you married him but something really changed.

I would seek legal counsel and maybe see a counselor to help manage you emotions with all of this. Whatever you do, don’t go back. Unless he commits to a program for gambling addiction and he has proof of it, don’t go back.


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## Saddie555

I don't know what happened. Why he got into it. He was the best when we got married. He would do so much for me.

Anyway, I have gotten a legal document signed from him that he will eventually have to pay the amount he stole and that he confesses to it all. 
I don't know but he signed it knowing that I can use it against him.

I did block him from everywhere. But he kept trying to contact me with different phone numbers, emails, social media. He even came to my house and started crying in front of my dad.And my dad had to strictly tell him to leave and give me space. I have told him to stay away from me because he keeps triggering my anger. I am traumatized from all this and I need to heal .

However, now I am able to actually see his behavior. Before that, I was just blindly in love ignoring it all.
I have realized that he cannot take no for an answer. He does what he wants and no one can stop him. He is used to getting his way.

A few months into our marriage, he yelled at his boss. And the boss had him terminated from the job. He was jobless for two months. I still supported him then. 

When we got married, he said he had quit smoking. Again, a few months into our marriage, one day I found his smoked cigarettes that he forgot to throw away.

I have realized that he cannot bear any stress. Whenever we used to fight, he would pick up a backpack, throw in some clothes and say that he's going to run away. He also used to threaten to kill himself when we would fight over crypto. That was a pattern. He did that so many times that stopped believing him or feeling sorry for him.

Even a few days around my birthday, we were having a huge fight over his gambling. At that time, he said to me that he would give me a divorce on my birthday because that's what I deserve. It was my first birthday with him after our marriage.

He kept hurting me consistently and I ignored it all. Sometimes I feel so stupid for overlooking all these things.


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## *Deidre*

Saddie555 said:


> I don't know what happened. Why he got into it. He was the best when we got married. He would do so much for me.
> 
> Anyway, I have gotten a legal document signed from him that he will eventually have to pay the amount he stole and that he confesses to it all.
> I don't know but he signed it knowing that I can use it against him.
> 
> I did block him from everywhere. But he kept trying to contact me with different phone numbers, emails, social media. He even came to my house and started crying in front of my dad.And my dad had to strictly tell him to leave and give me space. I have told him to stay away from me because he keeps triggering my anger. I am traumatized from all this and I need to heal .
> 
> However, now I am able to actually see his behavior. Before that, I was just blindly in love ignoring it all.
> I have realized that he cannot take no for an answer. He does what he wants and no one can stop him. He is used to getting his way.
> 
> A few months into our marriage, he yelled at his boss. And the boss had him terminated from the job. He was jobless for two months. I still supported him then.
> 
> When we got married, he said he had quit smoking. Again, a few months into our marriage, one day I found his smoked cigarettes that he forgot to throw away.
> 
> I have realized that he cannot bear any stress. Whenever we used to fight, he would pick up a backpack, throw in some clothes and say that he's going to run away. He also used to threaten to kill himself when we would fight over crypto. That was a pattern. He did that so many times that stopped believing him or feeling sorry for him.
> 
> Even a few days around my birthday, we were having a huge fight over his gambling. At that time, he said to me that he would give me a divorce on my birthday because that's what I deserve. It was my first birthday with him after our marriage.
> 
> He kept hurting me consistently and I ignored it all. Sometimes I feel so stupid for overlooking all these things.


Shades of more than a gambling addiction are starting to show here, the more you share. I'd stay away from him, too. The fact that he keeps calling you from other numbers tells me that he doesn't get it, and isn't committed to changing. He can't even give you space, as you have requested.

Be careful, he sounds like he could come unhinged. He has some narcissistic traits like pathological lying, rage, self-centeredness, and he believes the world revolves around him. Everyone else is always wrong. I think that you did a very brave thing by going to your dad's! And kudos to your dad for telling him to leave. 

I'd stay at your father's house and find a way out of this. Now that I know more...this doesn't sound like someone who is capable of changing, anytime soon. What a hurtful comment to say on your birthday. 

Just know, this pain won't last forever, just stay strong. As hard as it is, just stay strong. And keeping him blocked will clear your mind and bring you to doing the right thing for yourself, without all the emotions involved.

I'm a believer in four leaf clovers bringing good luck...and you can use some. 🍀 Hang in there and keep strong.


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## Loves Coffee

This is surprising to hear. I know you already know what to do about the relationship and betrayal, but losing all money in crypto? Normal trading would probably lose 10-50% worst case. He must have been doing some really risky stuff like leveraging or something else. 

I would demand to see the ledger of his positions straight from the exchanges so you can verify that he actually DID lose 100% of the money on trades and not just outright stole it. It should definitely be part of the divorce proceedings. 

Also, I would file a police report for the theft and hacking.


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## Saddie555

*Deidre* said:


> Shades of more than a gambling addiction are starting to show here, the more you share. I'd stay away from him, too. The fact that he keeps calling you from other numbers tells me that he doesn't get it, and isn't committed to changing. He can't even give you space, as you have requested.
> 
> Be careful, he sounds like he could come unhinged. He has some narcissistic traits like pathological lying, rage, self-centeredness, and he believes the world revolves around him. Everyone else is always wrong. I think that you did a very brave thing by going to your dad's! And kudos to your dad for telling him to leave.
> 
> I'd stay at your father's house and find a way out of this. Now that I know more...this doesn't sound like someone who is capable of changing, anytime soon. What a hurtful comment to say on your birthday.
> 
> Just know, this pain won't last forever, just stay strong. As hard as it is, just stay strong. And keeping him blocked will clear your mind and bring you to doing the right thing for yourself, without all the emotions involved.
> 
> I'm a believer in four leaf clovers bringing good luck...and you can use some. 🍀 Hang in there and keep strong.


 I am trying my best to keep it together. It's been four months since we've been separated. Every day is hard. It still feels like yesterday that I found out everything. The hurt is still there. 
I could use the good luck. Thank you.


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> This is surprising to hear. I know you already know what to do about the relationship and betrayal, but losing all money in crypto? Normal trading would probably lose 10-50% worst case. He must have been doing some really risky stuff like leveraging or something else.
> 
> I would demand to see the ledger of his positions straight from the exchanges so you can verify that he actually DID lose 100% of the money on trades and not just outright stole it. It should definitely be part of the divorce proceedings.
> 
> Also, I would file a police report for the theft and hacking.


I don't know much about crypto. He said he had been future trading or something. Which is like gambling.
He didn't just steal and lose my money. He took loans too. He had been losing money in crypto for like 10 months. 
I have asked him to show me all his bank statements but he refuses. He says he doesn't want to get more humiliated. 

The reason I didn't get the police involved was because he confessed himself. And said that he will return the stolen money. And signed a legal document which states that in case he doesn't or refuses to do it, I can take action against him.

He signed the document. I don't know if that was an act of self destruction or manipulation.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> I don't know much about crypto. He said he had been future trading or something. Which is like gambling.
> He didn't just steal and lose my money. He took loans too. He had been losing money in crypto for like 10 months.
> I have asked him to show me all his bank statements but he refuses. He says he doesn't want to get more humiliated.
> 
> The reason I didn't get the police involved was because he confessed himself. And said that he will return the stolen money. And signed a legal document which states that in case he doesn't or refuses to do it, I can take action against him.
> 
> He signed the document. I don't know if that was an act of self destruction or manipulation.


A lot of trading is similar to gambling if you have no strategy or rules to follow, but you would have to be especially careless to lose 100% before quitting. Not to mention keep making the mistake over and over with no regard to your losing position. Without seeing the statements I wouldn't believe the story and just treat this like theft instead of gambling.


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## Saddie555

He said he would get a high with some wins and reinvest it all and lose it all. This pattern was going on for months.
But you are right. I have tried to get all the records.He refuses everytime. He says he had been taking loans and doesn't want me to see that on his bank statements.

I can't get the bank statements out without his permission.


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## re16

Saddie555 said:


> I don't know if I should divorce him or not.


There is no question in this situation that you should divorce him.

You should also report him for his theft of your money.

You shouldn't allow people to treat you so poorly.


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## Saddie555

re16 said:


> There is no question in this situation that you should divorce him.
> 
> You should also report him for his theft of your money.
> 
> You shouldn't allow people to treat you so poorly.


I guess I'm scared of getting divorced. I was so happy when I got married. Euphoric almost.
I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would end like this.
I'm at the lowest in my life. I don't even know how I will move past it. The pain is too intense. I am shattered completely. It's been 4 months since my separation but the pain hasn't died down.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> I guess I'm scared of getting divorced. I was so happy when I got married. Euphoric almost.
> I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would end like this.
> I'm at the lowest in my life. I don't even know how I will move past it. The pain is too intense. I am shattered completely. It's been 4 months since my separation but the pain hasn't died down.


It's definitely one of the hardest things you will do. It's good that you have your father to help you out. You need as much emotional support as you can get. If you aren't already, start exercising or things like that. It helps in my experience.

But really, I don't know what this guy is thinking that he can steal all this money then refuse to give a detailed account of what he did with it then expect to reconcile. That's not what a first step should look like.


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## Saddie555

I am grateful that I have my father to support me. Otherwise, I don't know how I would've handled this situation .
I haven't had the heart to do anything. But I will definitely try to change that. Exercise or any other hobby.

He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before just because he confessed and apologized. He expected me to forgive him and move on with this. He thought that he would cry and threaten to kill himself and I will go back to him. ( he would threaten suicide in every fight we've had over crypto)
Now he says that my heart is made of stone and I can't feel the pain he is going through. And that I should be a bigger person and forgive him and acknowledge how ashamed he is.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> ( he would threaten suicide in every fight we've had over crypto)


That's a manipulation tactic to control you. This guy has other issues going on as well.


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## 342693

Don’t even think about getting back with him until he seeks help for his gambling addiction AND is several months into the recovery.

He’s going to tell you everything you want to hear just to get you back. But look at his actions, not his words.


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> That's a manipulation tactic to control you. This guy has other issues going on as well.


Yes all these things that he says to emotionally black mail, doesn't work on me now. They used to before but not anymore.I don't know when I became this cold. But thank God I have.


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## re16

He is a manipulator.

He is the one who is cold and selfish.

The quicker you move on the better. Get the divorce done and block him permanently and move on.

Next time he threatens suicide, call authorities and tell them what he said.


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## Saddie555

SCDad01 said:


> Don’t even think about getting back with him until he seeks help for his gambling addiction AND is several months into the recovery.
> 
> He’s going to tell you everything you want to hear just to get you back. But look at his actions, not his words.


You are right. I don't trust a thing he says anymore.


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## Saddie555

re16 said:


> He is a manipulator.
> 
> He is the one who is cold and selfish.
> 
> The quicker you move on the better. Get the divorce done and block him permanently and move on.
> 
> Next time he threatens suicide, call authorities and tell them what he said.


Maybe you are right. Dragging the separation further will continue to keep me in a constant state of pain.

I'm extremely fearful of divorce. The idea of divorce hurts me too much. I don't have any sympathy for him either. 

Is there any way to mentally prepare myself for divorce ?


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## MJJEAN

Saddie555 said:


> I have asked him to show me all his bank statements but he refuses. He says he doesn't want to get more humiliated.


If you are in the US you could be responsible for half the marital debt. In other words, whatever debt he ran up during marriage could very well be split 50/50 in the divorce. You really need to know how much he owes and if you could be stuck with any of that debt.


Saddie555 said:


> The reason I didn't get the police involved was because he confessed himself. And said that he will return the stolen money. And signed a legal document which states that in case he doesn't or refuses to do it, I can take action against him.


And a man who has repeatedly lost every penny he's made and stolen from you, too, is somehow going to pay you back, huh?
He's taken your inheritance and left you with a worthless piece of paper. What's worse is you're allowing it.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> Yes all these things that he says to emotionally black mail, doesn't work on me now. They used to before but not anymore.I don't know when I became this cold. But thank God I have.


The suicide threats as manipulation are a real red flag to me of a cluster b type personality. I'm not saying he is one for sure, but my spider senses are tingling. If you've never looked into it, I highly recommend looking into cluster b personalities so you can protect yourself from ever being a victim of one of them in the future. Maybe it will fit now and help you with your current situation? Just trying to help.


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## Northern.Guy

I’m so sorry. I hate crypto. Seems like another tool for globalists to empty our pockets.



Saddie555 said:


> I have asked him to show me all his bank statements but he refuses. He says he doesn't want to get more humiliated.


Repentance requires humility but he doesn’t want to be humiliated. His refusal to be transparent is a refusal to rebuild trust. You are asked to just believe what he says even though he has proven to be untrustworthy. 

You could still consider taking it to the police along with his signed confession. You can explain the delay as the result of the emotional pain and turmoil from your separation.


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## Saddie555

MJJEAN said:


> If you are in the US you could be responsible for half the marital debt. In other words, whatever debt he ran up during marriage could very well be split 50/50 in the divorce. You really need to know how much he owes and if you could be stuck with any of that debt.
> 
> And a man who has repeatedly lost every penny he's made and stolen from you, too, is somehow going to pay you back, huh?
> He's taken your inheritance and left you with a worthless piece of paper. What's worse is you're allowing it.


Fortunately, I am not in the US. So his loans are his to pay off entirely. 

We are both doctors. So for him to earn a decent amount of money isn't impossible. Also the legal document binds him to pay me some part of his salary every month.

I know I'm just going to sound more dumb, he hasn't paid it for 3 months. He only paid it once. 
But I can go to the police anytime and tell them all this and his career would be over too.


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> The suicide threats as manipulation are a real red flag to me of a cluster b type personality. I'm not saying he is one for sure, but my spider senses are tingling. If you've never looked into it, I highly recommend looking into cluster b personalities so you can protect yourself from ever being a victim of one of them in the future. Maybe it will fit now and help you with your current situation? Just trying to help.


You are absolutely right. I have been looking up borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. And he fits in with so many traits of both.

Especially the whole drama he creates with crying and sobbing and threatening to kill himself repeatedly.


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## Saddie555

Northern.Guy said:


> I’m so sorry. I hate crypto. Seems like another tool for globalists to empty our pockets.
> 
> 
> 
> Repentance requires humility but he doesn’t want to be humiliated. His refusal to be transparent is a refusal to rebuild trust. You are asked to just believe what he says even though he has proven to be untrustworthy.
> 
> You could still consider taking it to the police along with his signed confession. You can explain the delay as the result of the emotional pain and turmoil from your separation.


I hate crypto so much. It had ruined my life.

I don't understand why he refuses to show his bank statements. This is the one thing he blatantly says no to. 
Is he hiding something more? This is what scares me. Is there more that I don't know yet?


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> I hate crypto so much. It had ruined my life.
> 
> I don't understand why he refuses to show his bank statements. This is the one thing he blatantly says no to.
> Is he hiding something more? This is what scares me. Is there more that I don't know yet?


Hey, don't hate crypto  He was trading futures which isn't even crypto. Think of it like setting a table up in front of a crypto market and taking bets on where the price will be tomorrow or some time in the future and the he was probably even leveraging that which means taking loans to increase his bet. He could have had the same losses trading in any futures market. The jury is still out on his story, though.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> Is he hiding something more? This is what scares me. Is there more that I don't know yet?


Yea I was thinking about that actually. I don't know what he lost exactly, but losing 100% is pretty hard. He either has some money left over or is in debt for overextending.


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## Saddie555

So it is basically gambling that he was doing.

You know you learn from losing once or twice. But I guess Gambling addiction just makes you keep going.


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> Yea I was thinking about that actually. I don't know what he lost exactly, but losing 100% is pretty hard. He either has some money left over or is in debt for overextending.


He says to let some things stay hidden. Which I don't understand?
I have told his parents and brothers too about it. I used to think that maybe if he doesn't listen to me, he might listen to his dad or elder brother and stop. 
I asked his dad to tell him to show me the bank statements but he refused right away. 

Sometimes I think he might've send money to his family. Maybe he's trying to protect them. I don't know. Thanks to him, my mind comes up with the worst possible scenerios.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> He says to let some things stay hidden. Which I don't understand?
> I have told his parents and brothers too about it. I used to think that maybe if he doesn't listen to me, he might listen to his dad or elder brother and stop.
> I asked his dad to tell him to show me the bank statements but he refused right away.
> 
> Sometimes I think he might've send money to his family. Maybe he's trying to protect them. I don't know. Thanks to him, my mind comes up with the worst possible scenerios.


I'm glad you had the strength to leave. It sounds like he didn't fall far from the tree.


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> I'm glad you had the strength to leave. It sounds like he didn't fall far from the tree.


I just can't believe I was so stupid that I married him and believed every thing he said. 
I have really messed up my life. I regret this marriage so much.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> I just can't believe I was so stupid that I married him and believed every thing he said.
> I have really messed up my life. I regret this marriage so much.


I'll share that my last wife was borderline personality. I had a lot of growing to do with boundaries and character. I remember the day before the wedding she was standing over me ridiculing me in an argument while my mom and grandma were pulling up in the driveway to help get ready for the wedding. I was in shock and was also in a huge depression at the time but I let it happen because I didn't know what else to do. The marriage and subsequent divorce took years and a lot of growing on my part. I'm a much better person for it now looking back. I had some great times and a lot of bad times. I had to learn the hard way it seems. I felt pretty crushed at the end back then, but now I'm at almost 8 years being married to my wife who is not cluster b and it's great. Things will improve.


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## Saddie555

That must've been a really hard thing to do. Kudos to you for being so strong and doing what was right for you. I'm glad that you were able to move on. 
If you don't mind my asking, was there any specific moment that made you decide that should end your marriage? And that kind of made you feel certain about your decision.
You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable.

I don't know why I'm waiting for sign to tell me if I want it to end or go on. I must sound so dumb, I know.


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## LATERILUS79

You absolutely should divorce this liar. What a terrible thing to do to someone. He was lucky you gave him a second chance. Don’t give him a third.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> If you don't mind my asking, was there any specific moment that made you decide that should end your marriage?


Well, for me it took about 2 years being separated but still sexual. I was still living in the house we had bought and couldn't sell it because of the market. I couldn't afford to leave and maintain the mortgage. She had moved on to a bigger place renting and signed a one year lease. She refused to move back in with me because of her supposed bad memories of my "abuse" of her which was actually me just trying to keep her from hitting me when she came home going crazy about the dishes one night. She used sex and me being the only responsible one with the house payments to keep me isolated.

My defining moment was when she signed the 2nd one year lease. We had been having fun going out and I had hopes things were going to work out and better, but she signed the lease without even talking to me about it. I decided enough is enough and that it was time to do whatever it took to get away. I filed the divorce papers right away and took a 40k loss on the house to get away in the shortest amount of time which still took more than 6 months. I have a strong libido and it's hard to say no when I get a knock on the door late at night and she's ready to go. I eventually closed the door in her face and broke it off. I spent way too much time being hopeful for change and not facing the facts. I wish I knew about this forum back then. I'm sure I would have had plenty of people whipping me into shape instead of just being there to listen


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## Saddie555

LATERILUS79 said:


> You absolutely should divorce this liar. What a terrible thing to do to someone. He was lucky you gave him a second chance. Don’t give him a third.


This was his third chance. From lying to taking loans to gambling all his salaries and then finally stealing.
Every time , the intensity increased. I tried to stop him before. Involved his parents to talk to him. Helped him financially. Fought with him. Threatened to leave him if continued as well.

I guess nothing worked. He just got really good at hiding it and continued.
He always confessed himself. He says I should support him and he needs encouragement and motivation from me to change his life.
But I'm too hurt and broken to encourage him. Does this make me a bad person?


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> Well, for me it took about 2 years being separated but still sexual. I was still living in the house we had bought and couldn't sell it because of the market. I couldn't afford to leave and maintain the mortgage. She had moved on to a bigger place renting and signed a one year lease. She refused to move back in with me because of her supposed bad memories of my "abuse" of her which was actually me just trying to keep her from hitting me when she came home going crazy about the dishes one night. She used sex and me being the only responsible one with the house payments to keep me isolated.
> 
> My defining moment was when she signed the 2nd one year lease. We had been having fun going out and I had hopes things were going to work out and better, but she signed the lease without even talking to me about it. I decided enough is enough and that it was time to do whatever it took to get away. I filed the divorce papers right away and took a 40k loss on the house to get away in the shortest amount of time which still took more than 6 months. I have a strong libido and it's hard to say no when I get a knock on the door late at night and she's ready to go. I eventually closed the door in her face and broke it off. I spent way too much time being hopeful for change and not facing the facts. I wish I knew about this forum back then. I'm sure I would have had plenty of people whipping me into shape instead of just being there to listen


You were able to come out of that toxic relationship. That's a feat. 
I don't know how we become blind and it takes us a long time to see the damage toxic people do to us. 
I'm glad that you're living a happier life now.


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## Loves Coffee

Saddie555 said:


> You were able to come out of that toxic relationship. That's a feat.
> I don't know how we become blind and it takes us a long time to see the damage toxic people do to us.
> I'm glad that you're living a happier life now.


It is a feat. I always feel empathy for other dealing with a similar situation because I know how hard it is to be on the receiving end. She also hid money from me but not as much as your husband took probably. One of the reasons I'm here is because I want to be able to tell others that the situation does get better. It's just harder in the beginning. I remember feeling so crushed at times I could just lay on the floor. I had to pick myself up and make it better. Exercise, talking to others, working, going to events with friends, and volunteering helped. Doing new things that I had never done before like traveling. I did a lot of yoga and jiu jitsu. There are stages of grief and it is helpful to know them so you can identify what stage of grief you are in so you don't expect too much from yourself at a particular time. Eventually I met my wife. She loves coffee, too


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## re16

So he got fired, blows through insane amounts of money, steals money....

Are you 100% sure his problem is actually crypto and that isn't just a cover story for something much worse... like an expensive drug habit and / or prostitutes or both.....?

The fact you can't see his bank statement is telling... he doesn't want you to dig into this because he has major things to hide.....


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## Saddie555

Loves Coffee said:


> It is a feat. I always feel empathy for other dealing with a similar situation because I know how hard it is to be on the receiving end. She also hid money from me but not as much as your husband took probably. One of the reasons I'm here is because I want to be able to tell others that the situation does get better. It's just harder in the beginning. I remember feeling so crushed at times I could just lay on the floor. I had to pick myself up and make it better. Exercise, talking to others, working, going to events with friends, and volunteering helped. Doing new things that I had never done before like traveling. I did a lot of yoga and jiu jitsu. There are stages of grief and it is helpful to know them so you can identify what stage of grief you are in so you don't expect too much from yourself at a particular time. Eventually I met my wife. She loves coffee, too


Thank you for advice. It will be helpful to get myself busy in different activities.


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## Saddie555

re16 said:


> So he got fired, blows through insane amounts of money, steals money....
> 
> Are you 100% sure his problem is actually crypto and that isn't just a cover story for something much worse... like an expensive drug habit and / or prostitutes or both.....?
> 
> The fact you can't see his bank statement is telling... he doesn't want you to dig into this because he has major things to hide.....


I am pretty sure he doesn't do drugs. Just smoked cigarettes. And prostitutes not at all. I these for certain.
His only addiction was gambling in crypto. Every problem in our marriage started because of this.


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## Zxcplayer

Firstly, if you love him, you can accept him as he is and help him overcome this addiction. But on the other hand, he deceived you and hacked your bank account; therefore, you have every right to sue him, and he will have to pay you compensation. I have never understood such people who have gambling or similar addiction. I can afford to play casino with my friends on this site -- suomalaisen kasinon. Still, I have never spent much money on it and have not taken out loans to play poker... I hope my post will be helpful to you.


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## UAArchangel

Saddie555 said:


> Hello.
> I just joined this group.
> I am separated from my husband and going through a rough time.
> 
> My husband got into crypto two months into our marriage and lost a lot of money. We had fights over this. I even helped him lay his loans at first. He would promise not to do it again.
> But he did. Four months ago, he confessed that he hacked into my bank account and stole a huge amount of money and lost it all. I was angry and devasted . I have been financially supporting him through out our marriage and funding his exams and career. We both work. But he has lost most of his salaries in crypto and I have been paying rent and everything.
> 
> I was completely heart broken. Crypto addiction was one thing, but to steal from me too. I couldn't believe it. The money I had in my account was my inheritance money I got after my mother passed away.
> He had no right over it. And I was already paying for everything too.
> 
> I have left him and moved back with my father. Now he is apologizing and says he won't do it again.
> But I am done with him.
> I don't know if I should divorce him or not.
> 
> Anyone who has gone through anything similar, help me out?


If he puts your life at risk to feed an addiction, that's not acceptable. I can't afford to invest, but my investment sense tells me to invest in things people need to live on duringbweak economic times.


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## Laurentium

Zxcplayer said:


> Firstly, if you love him, you can accept him as he is and help him overcome this addiction.


Well, I believe the opposite. You can't help him, and you shouldn't accept this.


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