# Man's point of view needed



## LOVINGHB (Dec 1, 2013)

My husband and I have owned a business for 15 years. The business is doing ok but the growth potential is huge. My husband does not put much effort into the business and leaves all decisions, administration, management, etc. to me. He will work maybe 20 hours a week and I work about 50. Needless to say, this has been a huge negative on our marriage. Respect is pretty much gone and I can't seem to find a way back. He even blames me for having to sell his $100K sportscar when we needed the money for a project, and he's in charge of sales. He's the one that can make a mark on the growth of our company. What is his problem?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you asked him?

He could just be lazy. He could be content with the money the company brings in. He may not be fully committed to growing the company. He might be depressed about something. So many different reasons, and he's the only one who can answer...

Was he ever fully involved with the company? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LOVINGHB (Dec 1, 2013)

I ask him all the time what the issue is. I get no answer. He went to the dr and had a million tests and not a thing is wrong. He's been to a few counseling sessions and will not go back. This has always been an issue. I asked him the other night how much he would want to walk away debt free. His number was ridiculous. He just doesn't get it. I find working hard to be satisfying. He doesn't know the meaning of the term.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Maybe it's time to hire (or bring in as a partner) someone to replace him?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

LOVINGHB said:


> My husband and I have owned a business for 15 years. The business is doing ok but the growth potential is huge. My husband does not put much effort into the business and leaves all decisions, administration, management, etc. to me. He will work maybe 20 hours a week and I work about 50. Needless to say, this has been a huge negative on our marriage. Respect is pretty much gone and I can't seem to find a way back. He even blames me for having to sell his $100K sportscar when we needed the money for a project, and he's in charge of sales. He's the one that can make a mark on the growth of our company. What is his problem?


Sounds like he's comfortable living off your efforts and hard work.
Probably thinks he's entitled to do so.

My guess is that your medium and long term goals for the company are mismatched.

Since you basically run the company, why not hire someone else to handle sales so that the company can achieve it's growth potential, and suggest to your husband that he take on an easier portfolio., that doesn't impact too much on the performance of the company.

But sooner or later you would have to do something about teh company's finances and him if he does not change his attitude.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

He may be afraid of failure. In his mind, if the business fails, it will be your fault not his.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I would tell him "It seems like you are not into this company/job and your positions requires lot more effort and time than you are putting in. Perhaps you want to get another job?"

<insert his reply>

"If things don't change I will need to look for someone that can put in the effort and time that this company needs"

Something along the line.....


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Maybe, and this is just a theory, maybe he is intimidated by your business savy, drive and ambition. Maybe you come across as an "in charge" kind of person and he is content to let you run with it. Maybe he thinks you really enjoy this role and he doesn't want to step into any of it. Just throwing it out there


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

As a businessman I can admit that its sometimes tough to keep the same level of hunger once you start having a lot of success. My wife who isn't even involved in my business called me out on it about two years ago. She straight up told me I wasn't hungry anymore because I was complaining about my business growth slowing. 

Unfortunately you can't recreate the start up hunger. What I did was I hired sales people. I had a budget for three but I hired six. My intention was to keep the best three performers. They became the hungry individuals that were driving the revenue. Keep in mind though that managing a sales staff is a whole different ball game. Not everyone has the heart for it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Doesn't sound like he ever had the hunger for it. 

Some people just aren't suited to be business owners, managers, or otherwise self-directed individuals. That's why I suggested hiring someone to take his place. He can take a different role, or find another job. But if he's not filling the needs of the company, he needs to move out of the way. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

He probably thinks he can't live up to your expectations, so doesn't bother.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

What does he value?
I ask this because it does play a role. I too own a company and I could have grown but didn’t. Why? Because work supports my life instead of work being my life. What that means is I don’t feel that draw or pull towards more money. I’ve got enough that I’m content. Growth means more hours and stress… 

My sister is my business partner. She’s part time and also dropping the ball on the marketing. But because we both value our home life more than work, it isn’t a large issue. 

My wife though? I couldn’t ever work with her. She’s always after the bigger, better, deal and never content. Bigger house… we get it, and she starts eyeballing remodeling then eventually another house. 

Oooh and on top of this, if we worked together, my wife is the kind who could not detach so whatever happens at work will be drawn into our relationship and home… What would happen is fairly simple based on what I value (and I goof off all the time); Make both home and work unpleasant and I won’t be a great guy to be with because I’d be miserable and held hostage because leaving the relationship also means gutting the company that does support enough for me to be comfortable.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> My guess is that your medium and long term goals for the company are mismatched.


Agreed

I happen to be on the same boat with my shareholders, they want growth, I want to take a back seat. Sometimes I wonder what would have been the better option back in the day, taking out a loan or going the route of OPM as I have unfortunately done.

I can't imagine being in business with a wife!

Anyway OP, you two need to have a discussion to make sure you are both on the same page in terms of business development for the company. But if it would help you perhaps understand the situation abit more, the main reason I'm not very keen to expand is due to the high risk and my relative *lack of experience* (I've only been in business for a few years and although I've achieved success with past expansion plans, what my investors want now is continual growth which I don't feel I'm qualified or experienced enough for)

If your husband is in the same situation perhaps you might consider outsourcing the role of a BDM, however their salary expectations are quite high including commissions not to mention the recruiting costs as you'll need to go through headhunters to find the decent ones.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

I thought OP and her husband were the owners of my last company, until I re-read the 15 year age point. I've heard this story before... as employee #3 at that job, I empathize with the OP but maybe more so the employees if there are any.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

LOVINGHB said:


> My husband and I have owned a business for 15 years. The business is doing ok but the growth potential is huge. My husband does not put much effort into the business and leaves all decisions, administration, management, etc. to me. He will work maybe 20 hours a week and I work about 50. Needless to say, this has been a huge negative on our marriage. Respect is pretty much gone and I can't seem to find a way back. He even blames me for having to sell his $100K sportscar when we needed the money for a project, and he's in charge of sales. He's the one that can make a mark on the growth of our company. What is his problem?


The problem is that he is complacent. Simple as that. 

Keep selling his sh1t until he gets in gear.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Thound said:


> He may be afraid of failure. In his mind, if the business fails, it will be your fault not his.


Some people fear success, believe it or not.


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