# Thinking of Separating



## vbroo (Jul 15, 2010)

I'm not emotionally involved with my husband anymore and think I want a separation. He is a great Father! Works nights and doesn't go out on his days off but all he wants to do is be with us. You would think I would be more than happy with a husband like him.

We got married rather quickly. We had known eachother for 3 years but dated only 4 months before we decided to get married. See my Father past away unexpectedly and our thinking and the rest of my families thinking was why wait. We were both 30 years old and I mean we did know that we would (or were still in the honeymoon phase and felt that way at that time). Or I'm thinking now I was grieving and wanted something to fill that void. I have no clue. Anyway, we were engaged a week and found out I was pregnant. Got married when I was 5 mos and then our son was born 2 1/2 months early and was in the hospital. Everything was fine with him but our first year of marriage was very trying you can say. He already has a son from his first marriage that has down syndrome and I love so much! But having a special needs child and being a stepmother to any child is hard. We just had our 3 year wedding anniversary. Our second year of marriage we moved into a bigger house and then had financial problems. So there has been a lot of strain on our marriage.

I have detached myself from him for quite sometime now. I mean I felt unloved! He never initiated sex with me and never showed any other affection besides the usual hello goodbye kiss. I'm an affectionate person and always was the one that initiated sex. I'm also a very sexual person and part of me feels having it shows love for one another, and builds a connection. Without it I felt we didn't have one. For a while now I felt that we have been roommate more than anything. I do look at him and still say to myself I do love him BUT something or everything else is missing from. I love him but honestly can't say I'm in love with him anymore. I think! See i have no idea.

I went out this past weekend and got completely sloppy drunk with my girlfriends and apparently came home and called him by my high school boyfriends name (who yes will always hold a place in my heart but I DO NOT have feelings like that for him). He had to work that night so called my mom to come and watch the kids. I know he is hurt and I know I only called him it because we were talking about him while I was with my girlfriends. That I know I messed up about. 
Do I just not care anymore about our marriage I have no clue! I'm sitting here going back and forth in my head about pros and cons of the marriage and yeah there are more pros but for all the wrong reasons NONE having to do really with me and my needs.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Can I ask what you're hoping a separation will accomplish?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Lacking of sex in marriage is workable.
Lacking of intimacy is workable.
Lacking of chemistry is workable.
My marriage was sexless and I fell out of love as you did. After some months hanging in this forum, my life has changed, it gets better and better day after day, so my marriage now not only has sex regularly, but also great sex.
Then I worked on the chemistry and found back the butterflies in my stomach. 
Anyway, all the problems you have might look very hard but they're all workable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vbroo (Jul 15, 2010)

Not sure what it would accomplish . . . maybe him open his eyes a bit? That yes he is a great guy but just because he doesn't go out and is always there doesn't mean he doesn't do anything wrong in our marriage.

You're right mslonely, I know it is all workable which we have tried before and things got better but now it is the same again. It's like he listens to what I say and how I feel and works on it as I work on what he brings up but then a few months past and here we are again where we were before.

I know you have to work at marriage but now I feel like I am having to work too hard at something that I just don't think is suppose to be hard work . . .make sense?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

If only you work and he follows, you will be frustrated and confused.
You need to make him understand he also need to take turns taking care of marriage and sexual life.
Request him to contribute some ideas to spice up sexual life.
Make him understand you're bored with routine.
Make him understand he MUST respect your sexual needs and always be there to support when you need sex.
He's been ignorant, which you want to make clear.


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## vbroo (Jul 15, 2010)

and i think that is exactly what is so frustrating and having me pull away from him. i can't keep doing it this way . . . i will talk to him this evening again about how things are.


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