# my wife call the police on me



## bluecoffee (Apr 4, 2014)

What do you think I should do? One day me and my wife got into an argument over a virus in the computer. she started to scream at me and then I yell back and tell her to calm down but then it got worse. she began to push all the book off my desk and bang on the door really hard. I ran after her into the bed room and tell her to calm down by grapping her arm and I pushes her down on to the bed but no physical harm was done by me and then I left the house just to cool off. She call the police but I wasn` t at the house at the time. Two weeks later I receive a letter from the court to appear for a domestic assult. I now have to do a 48 hr of community service and a $345 fine + 26 classes of domestic abuse which cost $25 per class. Do u think what she did is too much? What do you think I should do? should I get a divorce or no?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I had my ex get a protection order against me when there had been no physical or verbal threats involved. Can't speak for yours, but it's what my cheater used in order to serve me with divorce papers.
Turns out she was doing the judge along with a whole gang of different guys.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Who started the fight? If SHE started it, did a bunch of incendiary stuff like wrecking things in the house, she set you up.

Now it's on your record.

Regardless of WHO started it, your marriage is in such a state of crisis, that trust is now zero...on both your ends.

She thought you would never touch her like that (for many women, it doesn't matter if it 'hurt'. You scared the sh*t out of her!)

So, secure your finances and indulge in the joy of constantly carrying a Voice Activated Recorder. There is one by Radio Shack which lasts 168 hours...or a full week. Do NOT tell her about it. Check the batteries often and download the files in a secure location like a thumb drive you keep hidden in your car.

Get a name of a good attorney NOW. Think about getting the name of a good bail bondsman. Make sure that your attorney has enough money to bail you out in the event this happens again. Obviously you cannot trust her to bail you out.

If you have temper issues, fix them. A lot of abusers minimize what they did. Abuse isn't just about pain. It is about fear. If you constantly make your wife afraid (and I am NOT accusing you...I am just covering all bases) she will call the cops. That line has been crossed. Trust me that you will NOT like jail, so from here on, it's eggshell time. Watch your tongue and don't touch her.

Yes, even if she set you up. Because she will try it again.

Not sure I would sleep in the same bed with her either, but I tend toward paranoia.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You probably should divorce. But you need to fix your issues, too. You need to learn anger management and self-control. 

Otherwise you will just scare the next woman, too, and end up with another domestic assault charge.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you go to court, with a lawyer? Besides apparently losing, how did that go? And even though you didn't "hurt" her, laying hands on someone is unacceptable. You could have just let her leave the room and let everyone cool off. So I'd say that the punishment isn't out of whack, although your wife needs some help too (based on your description of events)

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

bluecoffee said:


> What do you think I should do? One day me and my wife got into an argument over a virus in the computer. she started to scream at me and then I yell back and tell her to calm down but then it got worse. she began to push all the book off my desk and bang on the door really hard. I ran after her into the bed room and tell her to calm down by grapping her arm and I pushes her down on to the bed but no physical harm was done by me and then I left the house just to cool off. She call the police but I wasn` t at the house at the time. Two weeks later I receive a letter from the court to appear for a domestic assult. I now have to do a 48 hr of community service and a $345 fine + 26 classes of domestic abuse which cost $25 per class. Do u think what she did is too much? What do you think I should do? should I get a divorce or no?


She's toxic, get away from her. Divorce and say goodbye. You still should go through with the classes and take them seriously. Laying hands on someone, even when provoked, shows you struggle with control. Fix yourself and move one.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Take anger management classes. Never lay a hand on anyone in anger and Never tell an angry person to 'calm down'. It just ticks them off.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If what you say is true, I'd procure counsel to represent you in court and get this thing off of your record. There appears to have been a blatant disregard for your due process rights, foremostly by the prosecutor's office, in the lack of proper and timely judicial notification, as well as in not being afforded the opportunity to confront and cross-examine adverse witnesses. It largely makes me wonder whether you were tried in absentia. If you did not answer a legal summons to appear on a given date and time, then that might well happen. Otherwise, it's illegal as hell and could well get the prosecutor's office as well as the bench judge into a sheer world of crap by any appeals court of applicable jurisdiction.

Step 2 for you would be to your local family court to rid yourself of her(D) and to fastly embark upon the new horizon of a life without undue stress from an unbalanced spouse with a probable mental disorder! 

And if you have kids, you need to file for custody and get them out of there as well. IMHO, they really don't have an innate need to be around emotional tripe like that either!*


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

bluecoffee said:


> What do you think I should do? One day me and my wife got into an argument over a virus in the computer. she started to scream at me and then I yell back and tell her to calm down but then it got worse. she began to push all the book off my desk and bang on the door really hard. I ran after her into the bed room and tell her to calm down by grapping her arm and I pushes her down on to the bed but no physical harm was done by me and then I left the house just to cool off. She call the police but I wasn` t at the house at the time. Two weeks later I receive a letter from the court to appear for a domestic assult. I now have to do a 48 hr of community service and a $345 fine + 26 classes of domestic abuse which cost $25 per class. Do u think what she did is too much? What do you think I should do? should I get a divorce or no?


Step back from the computer after reading my post and do the following immediately:

1. Stop any and all direct deposits from your paycheck to joint accounts. 

2. Open separate accounts and deposit your paycheck there.

3. Obtain all financial records pertaining to your joint marital assets. 

4. Remove all firearms from your home and store them offsite.

5. Interview several attorney's for divorce and for the criminal charge. 

6. Do NOT engage your wife EVER again. You might have to star away while you divorce.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

If it's as you describe, then I think what she did was really crappy.

Does this happen frequently. has it happened in the past. how may times?
Depending on the answer, you should take certain actions.

But I agree with above posters, she is toxic. keep away from her.
she should have talked it out with you after cooling down, unless this has been an ongoing issue.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Filing false DV charges is a classic tactic that women make to ensure their spouse is barred from the house (while still paying the mortgage and expenses), a precursor to protective custody of the children and a means in which to garner additional support from Family Court. Additionally the man may also lose his job. 

Now...will she be charged with filing a false report if the allegations are without merit? Nope! 

Domestic violence statistics, laws and information for men

A modern family law problem: False accusations of domestic violence - Miami Continuing Education | Examiner.com


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Unless you are defending yourself, it is never ok to use physical force with someone. You ran after her to the room so she was away from you at that time, that's when you should have just left and if she was out of control you call the police.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

It is a little premature to cast her as the Princess of Darkness.

She had a fight and left. He chased her. We don't know her mind or her motives.

That being said, he is in a very vulnerable spot regardless.

So OP, walk VERY carefully.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My advice? Leave. File for divorce and move on and do it with speed.

What's happened now is you have been branded as a wife abuser. That is almost as bad as a child abuser. Now if you stay, your living under the gun and it's pointed at your head and any time she gets pissed at you for anything no matter how large or small, there's that chance that she can wheel out her trump card again and it will get worse.

Your in a no win situation with her and the only way out of it is to file, have her served and avoid her at all costs. If by chance you have contact with her, make sure you have a VAR in your pocket but the best way is move on.

IMO, if she did it once and got away with it, then you can bet the house that she might do it again. 

Once your gone, I promise you that she's going to understand that her vengeance will have back fired on her.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Dreald said:


> Filing false DV charges is a classic tactic that women make to ensure their spouse is barred from the house


This is not a false report, he admitted to getting physical. If someone ran after me, grabbed my arm and pushed me on the bed I'd call the police too. You don't get to put your hands on someone just because they are upsetting you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Unless there were bruises witnesses, or a video of the assault, wouldn't the police consider it more of a "he said, she said" scenario?


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> This is not a false report, he admitted to getting physical. If someone ran after me, grabbed my arm and pushed me on the bed I'd call the police too. You don't get to put your hands on someone just because they are upsetting you.


Absolutely correct -- but what if the tables are turned? See how other women react to a man being physically abused. It's pathetic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRCS6GGhIRc

My point was that it takes very little evidence (often none at all), for a woman to claim she was physically assaulted. Even when she is found to have filed fraudulent charges, I can't say I've ever read an article where she's prosecuted for it. 

The OP should have walked away and went immediately down to his attorney's office and have papers drawn. I had the cops called on me when I was married because my exWife kept hitting me and shoving me...I tried to leave and she stood in front of the door and kept hitting me. So I threw a cup of water I was holding when she came at me again. Guess what...cupcake called the cops and said I 'assaulted' her. Lucky for me, both cops got both sides of the story, could see no evidence she was harmed in any way, but suggested I leave the house for my own protection (presumably from false DV charges).

The next day I spoke to an attorney and took all my pre-marital assets out of a checking account in which she insisted in being included on. Naturally that was unacceptable so she withdrew over $5k in our joint checking account because she wasn't "leaving this marriage without being made whole". She neglected I guess to remember that she had a $17k engagement and wedding ring that I gave to her 14 months earlier....

It cost me dearly for a short duration but it was the best money I could have spent. I now no longer have an antiquated view of who women are. I see clearly why they act the way they do. And sadly, my exWife is fairly typical of women nowadays -- the entitlement, narcissistic, uncompromising and critical nature of her is all too common. And when she wants to hit eject from it all, there's a nice cash settlement supporting her decision.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Dreald said:


> Absolutely correct -- but what if the tables are turned? See how other women react to a man being physically abused. It's pathetic.


I would say the same thing to a woman. I don't think it's ok for a women to put her hands on someone any more than a man. I'm not going to tell him that what he did was OK because a woman might have gotten away with it.

I feel for you and your situation and I've known men in similar circumstances but the answer is to hold women more accountable, not men less accountable. Letting women get away with it is wrong. Letting men get away with it is also wrong. 2 wrongs don't make a right.

She was in another room, there was no self defense required. He escalated it to a physical level which is against the law.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Dreald said:


> And sadly, my exWife is fairly typical of women nowadays -- the entitlement, narcissistic, uncompromising and critical nature of her is all too common. And when she wants to hit eject from it all, there's a nice cash settlement supporting her decision.


Huh. We have a guy on the Ladies Lounge who has claimed to have slept with 50 women in six months.

YOU have dated and gotten to know 3 BILLION women to know what is and is not 'typical' in them.

He is a piker in comparison.

Or...maybe we dial the rhetoric down a notch. Just as you have a horror story about a horrible woman, I've heard just as credible horror stories by women about men.

Let's see. I met a woman whose doctor husband divorced her ass right after she had a baby he wasn't thrilled about and he hid all his money overseas so she and her baby were left penniless.

So...is he typical for 'all men'?


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

OP, you have done been smoked.

Get out now. This WILL happen again.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bluecoffee said:


> I ran after her into the bed room and tell her to calm down by grapping her arm and I pushes her down on to the bed but no physical harm was done by me and then I left the house just to cool off.


I think that right here is where you made the mistake.
Something tells me that this wasn't the first encounter of this kind between both of you.

Am I right?

Following her and physically pushing her down on the bed wasn't necessary.

A better move might have been for you to call the police when she started shouting and trashing stuff around the house.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

You sound like you crossed the line for sure, and she may have. 

Your marriage probably can't be saved, but if you both want to try, then I'd suggest some counseling. You have NO right to dictate to another person or lay hands on them in anger. 

Saying "Calm down" is understandable, but an emotionally angry person will hear it as criticism, just as if you'd said, "I won't listen to you because you're out of control." If you said this to me, I'd feel like you were trying to exert control over me. 

If you then followed me to the room and grabbed by arm for ANY reason, I'd flip the heck out on you. This would push my already riled up self into overload, and I would probably stop being rational. 

It's a good thing you left the house before letting things escalate more (assuming you're telling the truth here, which may or may not be true since many abusers would say this even when the truth was a lot uglier!)

Whether she was right to call the cops depends partly on whether you have shown her a history of coming back mad after you leave. If I know you're likely to calm down while you're gone, then I'd be out of line to call the cops after you've left the house, BUT if I know you're probably gone and stewing over things... that you'll escalate while you're away and could come back meaner and angrier, then hell yes, I'd call the cops and be ready.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Anybody else notice how quickly the females on this board can find sisterhood with the OP's spouse? 
He needs to decide if he has anything left worth the effort to try to save in this relationship. If he doesn't he should just pack up his junk and move as far out of reach of the idiot justice system as he possibly can and start over.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Lovely People

BlueCoffee has Three posts which are Three Threads

Has come back to NONE of them



you are wasting your time


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Dreald said:


> I now no longer have an antiquated view of who women are. I see clearly why they act the way they do. And sadly, my exWife is fairly typical of women nowadays -- the entitlement, narcissistic, uncompromising and critical nature of her is all too common. And when she wants to hit eject from it all, there's a nice cash settlement supporting her decision.


This. Totally, totally this.

FC


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

bluecoffee said:


> Do u think what she did is too much? What do you think I should do? should I get a divorce or no?


Yes and Yes. Based on your description, she's a nut job.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Dreald said:


> And when she wants to hit eject from it all, there's a nice cash settlement supporting her decision.


Doesn't really have to be that way. Do you know how many guys just grab as much of the money as they can and just leave ... disappear? They just ignore the court orders and subpoenas and go about their business. Some even leave the country. it's only a matter of how far you want to take it and how much you give a sh1t. Try to be nice and you get fvcked.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The same crap happened to me but I got out of it.

Me and my old lady talked to a lawyer who talked to the DA and since I wasn't around and no marks on my old lady the DA didn't press charges...no evidence..all here say...and no statements from me.

You should have gotten a lawyer!!!!!!!!!!

Any way I hope your old lady is happy with the finacial burden she caused the family.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

hookares said:


> Anybody else notice how quickly the females on this board can find sisterhood with the OP's spouse?
> He needs to decide if he has anything left worth the effort to try to save in this relationship. If he doesn't he should just pack up his junk and move as far out of reach of the idiot justice system as he possibly can and start over.


 And what of all the men who are coming together to find "brotherhood' because women are entitled, narcissistic, and uncompromising? 

It frightens me that so many people think it's ok to run after a person and get physical, even more that people think it's the woman's fault that he got charged after admitting he grabbed her arm and pushed her on the bed. 

So many spouses are already scared to call the police when something happens. If a situation gets physical I would much rather see the police come and sort it out themselves then risk something even worse happening because they didn't call.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Run forest run!!!!!


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

the guy said:


> The same crap happened to me but I got out of it.
> 
> Me and my old lady talked to a lawyer who talked to the DA and since I wasn't around and no marks on my old lady the DA didn't press charges...no evidence..all here say...and no statements from me.
> 
> ...


Are you saying you _did _get physical and you got out of it because there was no evidence?


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

Protect yourself. Divorce your wife - she started this crap, do you want it to happen again? Talk to a lawyer ASAP!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Are you saying you _did _get physical and you got out of it because there was no evidence?


Yes
I'm glad those days are far behind us.
I know I will never raise my hand to my wife again, let's pray she can keep her pants on around strange guys.

So far so good....4 yrs and counting

BTW happy 24 anni Mrs. The guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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