# How do I handle this?



## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

So, things were going fine for the last year or two...
Then I caught my husband emailing and texting another woman. He claims the friendship was inappropriate because it was hidden but that nothing happened (no sexual talk, no physical meetings)so it didn't get to a truly inappropriate level. I believe that based on the evidence I have found. So, I agreed to try to work things out.
However, a snowball of screw ups is happening now. I can't tell if he is really just a clueless person or if he is being deceptive. Please help me figure that out and what to do now...

When confronted he confessed everything and made an immediate appointment with our MC. He offered full transparency. He gave me his work phone, deleted his email, let me have all passwords and offered for me to GPS his phone. But, then he started screwing up from there.

The snowball-
He kept "forgetting" to bring home the phone. Then he finally gave me the phone AFTER deleting everything and after telling me I could look at the innocence of the texts etc. Now, he has also become defensive and doesn't want to keep rehashing his mistake (it's only been 2 weeks). Last night he asked me to go away with him to our cabin but I refused as I am a student and have finals in the next 2 weeks (I also work full time). Then, we had a fight about him going at all and how I may be insecure with that for now. I thought he had given up the idea for this weekend anyway... Nope, this morning we both left as usual for work and then apparently he went back home and packed up his weekend bag to go there. I found out this morning when I GPS located him. His story is that he told me he was going and that I declined? I either had some crazy blackout or he had this conversation with himself. What do I do? So far I told him that I hoped he packed everything because he can stay there for good.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Were you two in MC BEFORE you discovered this 'friendship'?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Red flags here. He got caught said the right things and then realized he count end it with her. You are now being played.

Time to call him out and fir him to make the choice of you or her.

Can you pop up there and visit? I'm wondering if he plans on meeting here up there now that you are safely at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Of course he knew you would decline the offer. That's why he came up with the vacation plan. He knew you would be too busy with finals. He thinks he is home free. Show up to the cabin unannounced one evening.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Were you two in MC BEFORE you discovered this 'friendship'?


No. We had stopped going a long time ago. I still do IC and he was supposed to be going. But, apparently he is too busy to go...ha


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Red flags here. He got caught said the right things and then realized he count end it with her. You are now being played.
> 
> Time to call him out and fir him to make the choice of you or her.
> 
> ...


I was pretty sure someone would say that...
The only thing leading me to believe that couldn't be true is the fact that I contacted the OW's husband when I first found out. I'm pretty sure he is keeping her on a tight leash. But, I could be wrong...

And I can't pop in unannounced because I am "trapped" here with 2 small kiddos and finals to study for (it's a few hours away). I guess I want to know if you guys think I should change the locks before he gets home??? Or do the 180?? Or bury my head in the sand or what... I'm in a bind because I depend on his help with the kids to finish school and I have to work.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

It is probably ILLEGAL to change the locks and lock your husband out of your marital home.

Can ANYONE watch your kids for a few hours (8pm-2am) while you drive up, check it out, drive home again? It is going to be difficult to concentrate on studying for finals if these questions are niggling at the back of your mind. OR

Can you contact the OW's husband and ENSURE that she is, in fact, IN TOWN while your husband is up at the cabin. If she's on a 'trip' or a 'business trip' or 'visiting a sick relative' you can always give OW's husband a heads-up that YOUR husband is up at the cabin.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'd reach out to the OW husband and touch base today. See what she's up to and if she's git any weekend plans.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

I looked on facebook (her wall is open...idiot) and she and her husband are doing work on their house this weekend. They were "checked" in at a hardware store in the last few hours. So, I feel ok about that. But, I hate feeling like I'm being played as an idiot either way.


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