# Then Suddenly, Out of The Blue...



## sczinger

Strictly NC since my now EWW moved out after having an affair with her boss late last fall that she still denies. She knows that I know the truth but denies to all that are not privy to the proof I hold. She told me she "wasn't in love with me anymore" upon her departure. NC has been a huge part of my recovery. Since we had no children, finances or anything else together there was no reason for us to communicate. Suddenly, out of the blue I get an email from an account I thought I had blocked her on. Came at 12:07 am, about the time she would get home after finishing at the restaurant she works. The email contained one word. "Hi". Really?, Hi. 3 - 4 months ago this would have sent my anxiety level through the roof. Even though I promised my self early on I would never consider taking her back I had lied to myself and wanted her to contact me. I was pleasantly surprised to find that about the only emotion I felt when I received this email was of disdain. Still more consideration than she deserved. My response, of course, was nothing. Delete and block. WTF was she thinking. Ok, the ankle is in my head. Damn her. LOL.


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## OnTheFly

Well done.


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## Mr.Married

Hey Buddy,

Don't do it...Don't do it. Your doing great....don't even think about it....NO CONTACT !!!!!


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## BarbedFenceRider

She must've had a rough night with zero affirmation her way. Then she throws out the fishing line looking for some ego kibbles. Just remember, she fired you from that job and she didn't love you anymore. Hell, she didn't even have enough love to tell the truth and own her sh*t! 


Always remember, you are the *prize* here....She is the ole' shoe leather. Your moving on and moving up! Now cinch that tie a little higher and put a smile on your face. You sir, are winning!


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## 3Xnocharm

sczinger said:


> this would have sent my anxiety level through the roof. Even though I promised my self early on I would never consider taking her back I had lied to myself and wanted her to contact me. I was pleasantly surprised to find that about the only emotion I felt when I received this email was of disdain. Still more consideration than she deserved. My response, of course, was nothing. Delete and block. WTF was she thinking.


Bravo!!! :yay:


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## SunCMars

This happens, this response occurred because.

Because she, in effect, dumped you, and not the other way 'round'.

She squashed your ego, not your feelings for her.

...................................................................

Love for another 'normally' comes quickly........leaves slowly.

You feel disdain for her because the love has not yet....left.

Her fingernails yet scratch. Irritate the man that resides in your head, the man that laid, played with her in bed.
The man that entered her in the heat of passion.

When it is truly gone, this love, it will become indifference.

'In difference'. 
Her being different, apart from you forever.

You will then think, "live and let live". Let her live her own life, she is nobody special to me. 

She is just a memory, someone I can no longer quite touch with my mind's hands.
Her image is fuzzy, her body no longer memorized, her voice not quite properly placed, nor heard.

When you think of her, back to her, you will remember mostly the bad, not the good.

You will think, you have rid yourself of her, now she is someone else's problem. 

She is a problem, yet to you, ever to herself.
You are capable of settling in, being comfortable with a mate. She is not.

She lives for her. Not for herself -and- her loved ones.
Any man that lives with her will soon find this out.

There is no sharing with this women.
Her lovers get what she offers up, what she is willing to proffer.
All on her terms.

She is likely leaving the fog, starting to see more clearly.
Her lover boss is not the man she thought, not the lover she wanted.

And he, the supervisor, has likely tired of her games. He may be coming out of the fog also.

He held close a dream, a warm dream that has a tongue.
A tongue that brings him back to reality.

A tongue that makes demands, takes his mind from her nether region. 
With the nether comes the tether. The rope that ties, the rope that lashes.

A tongue that lashes, a rope that whips, the burning for the Boss has just begun.

With the nether, and its sweet friction comes the un-comforting words from the mouth, the tongue of his new lover.

Women, men are not mute, are not wooden things. They have feelings and needs and their fair share of.....despair.
They are flesh and blood, sometimes it is your life-blood that is at risk. 

Certainly your ego, your self worth.

For to have nether friction, one must accept oral friction. 
Oft, too oft, a wagging, crying tongue.
Tis' the price to pay. And pay you will.


SCM- I will not allow The Typist I to post here. He is too kind and sentimental, hence, not very helpful.


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## Evinrude58

With one word.....

either:

She is reflecting on you and knowing she f'd up and wanting to get back together. Geez, I hope you don't fall for that.
She is looking to see if you are still on the hook or not-- ego kibbles, as said. (very, very likely)
She is looking to see if her security blanket may POSSIBLY still be available.
She is looking to see if she can "see if you're alright" because her conscience is killing her.
She wants info on the divorce.


As you can see, all these possibilities are simply to benefit HER. Not one could possibly help you, and all would hurt you in some way.
If she had any kind of heart whatsoever, she'd never contact you again and let you move on.

Sadly, based on the "Hi", I suspect you aren't free of her yet. I sense octopus tentacles slowly approaching their prey.

I strongly advise you in your time of weakness, to avoid thinking about her at all costs. Whatever you do, don't communicate with her.
She WILL reel you back in. This is one fish you want to cut the line on bro.


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## sczinger

Evinrude58 said:


> With one word.....
> 
> either:
> 
> She is reflecting on you and knowing she f'd up and wanting to get back together. Geez, I hope you don't fall for that.
> She is looking to see if you are still on the hook or not-- ego kibbles, as said. (very, very likely)
> She is looking to see if her security blanket may POSSIBLY still be available.
> She is looking to see if she can "see if you're alright" because her conscience is killing her.
> She wants info on the divorce..


Agreed. All good scenarios save the last one. This was a whirlwind when it all came to light. I found out about her affair, she said she was moving out, I filed for divorce with no attorney, self help paperwork with no minor children. She signed and left 95% of her belongings behind. The divorce was final within 10 business days of signing. Family courts are so overwhelmed with divorces involving child custody, abuse and financial matters that when a cut and dry case like mine comes across the judges desk she is more than happy to sign off on it. Cut and dry. I only thank God that I had a week of clarity to fill out the paperwork and have her sign while she was deep in her fog. 

Again, I will not respond to her. She has made her choice and I, mine.


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## Openminded

Good for you!!


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## SentHereForAReason

You did good! I just get the sense from reading your posts sczinger that you are following a lot of my same path emotionally. Our circumstances were quite a bit different but in the end, the end result was about the same. 

I get a sense that like me, your words and thoughts, when written out are still in front of your emotions (deep down feeling not caught up yet with spoken words), that's ok and normal. So many things I said to make myself believe them to move on, they weren't quite up in sync with what was still in my heart. I get the sense that if instead of her writing 'Hi', she wrote I missed you and can we meet, you would have 2nd thoughts. Again, normal. To act or not act on them is where it matters.

My journey while painful and heartbreaking, has been filled with gifts of a greater sense of who I am, who I always was and still want to grow to be. Because of the children, I would never wish this upon anyone but for the first time in all of this, I am starting to really see the light that I always believed was there, just a matter of time, that again, while I think the split makes life a bit harder for the kids ... for me, it's starting to look like I have the possibility to reach new heights of personal happiness, I didn't think was possible.

In short, it took 14 months and certain things to will myself through and certain things to fall into place and a little luck here and there and finally, for the first time in a long time ... my thoughts and emotions are on the same sequence.


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## MZMEE

Great job! When people send "Hi" they are testing the waters. As soon as you respond it gives them hope that there is a chance. You did the right thing by just ignoring her. Keep this in mind because she may try it again. People don't do well with rejection or someone ignoring them. Here is where you will win every time. So the next time and next time and next time she tries to contact you, if you are really done and over with her and the relationship...KEEP ignoring her. It's not about being mean but more about sending a message that you are not a toy to put on the shelf when she doesn't want you and take off when she get's a feeling for you.

Maybe a few years down the line there will be an opportunity to be cordial but right now with emotions so fresh, I'd really leave her alone. Do absolutely NOTHING to give her attention even if the temptation arises. The minute you give her attention, it's like dropping water into a dry planter...you just triggered her hope of getting you back or something from you.

Cheers!!!!


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## Yeswecan

Nice work. Stay the course.


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## Mr.Married

Good Job !!!!


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## SunCMars

Evinrude58 said:


> With one word.....
> 
> either:
> 
> She is reflecting on you and knowing she f'd up and wanting to get back together. Geez, I hope you don't fall for that.
> She is looking to see if you are still on the hook or not-- ego kibbles, as said. (very, very likely)
> She is looking to see if her security blanket may POSSIBLY still be available.
> She is looking to see if she can "see if you're alright" because her conscience is killing her.
> She wants info on the divorce.
> 
> 
> As you can see, all these possibilities are simply to benefit HER. Not one could possibly help you, and all would hurt you in some way.
> If she had any kind of heart whatsoever, she'd never contact you again and let you move on.
> 
> Sadly, based on the "Hi", I suspect you aren't free of her yet. I sense octopus tentacles slowly approaching their prey.
> 
> I strongly advise you in your time of weakness, to avoid thinking about her at all costs. Whatever you do, don't communicate with her.
> She WILL reel you back in. This is one fish you want to cut the line on bro.


You are getting stronger, better, Mr. Evinrude of 1958 vintage.

Mr. Even Rude. As needed, so offered, so as to even the score.

Don't hold back, Let the verbs, the words fly, let them flail. 

Let them tear the flesh from the Wayward. 


I wear my body armor. The whip never touches my flesh.


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## Hope Shimmers

Told you she's be back.

Pathetic.

This is where you get to walk away laughing.


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## x598

i'm wondering if you have blocked her on other accounts, no response from you will cause her to simply assume you never got the message, possibly prompting her to make other attempts.

that being said...I would have replied...….Her "hello" would have been met with "GOODBYE" and then blocked.


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## Kamstel

Fantastic!!!


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## [email protected]

Well you get a huge high five from this girl! Don’t give in to her pathetic worm on a hook! You can’t be reeled in! 👏👏


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## Chuck71

sczinger said:


> Strictly NC since my now EWW moved out after having an affair with her boss late last fall that she still denies. She knows that I know the truth but denies to all that are not privy to the proof I hold. She told me she "wasn't in love with me anymore" upon her departure. NC has been a huge part of my recovery. Since we had no children, finances or anything else together there was no reason for us to communicate. Suddenly, out of the blue I get an email from an account I thought I had blocked her on. Came at 12:07 am, about the time she would get home after finishing at the restaurant she works. The email contained one word. "Hi". Really?, Hi. 3 - 4 months ago this would have sent my anxiety level through the roof. Even though I promised my self early on I would never consider taking her back I had lied to myself and wanted her to contact me. I was pleasantly surprised to find that about the only emotion I felt when I received this email was of disdain. Still more consideration than she deserved. My response, of course, was nothing. Delete and block. WTF was she thinking. Ok, the ankle is in my head. Damn her. LOL.


That will NOT be her last "attempt." Bet the farm....


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## sczinger

Here is a twist for you. Let me preface by saying I have a full time job and have been gainfully employed all my life. That being said... I have been singing professionally in a band that is well known in my area for the better part of 22 years. We have a concert coming up night at an establishment that is celebrating an anniversary. The venue is literally next door to the restaurant she helps manage and works for her AP... I have some anxiety about even pulling into the parking lot. We expect upwards of a couple of thousand people to attend. The stage faces the back of "her" restaurant. I keep telling myself..."I have the mic". LOL. I may change some words up to some of the songs...


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## personofinterest

sczinger said:


> Here is a twist for you. Let me preface by saying I have a full time job and have been gainfully employed all my life. That being said... I have been singing professionally in a band that is well known in my area for the better part of 22 years. We have a concert this Friday night at an establishment that is celebrating their 70th anniversary. The venue is literally next door, and shares the same parking lot, as the restaurant she helps manage and works for her AP... I have some anxiety about even pulling into the parking lot. We expect upwards of a couple of thousand people to attend. The stage faces the back of "her" restaurant. I keep telling myself..."I have the mic". LOL. I may change some words up to some of the songs...


This would be hilarious - but don't spoil the work of these artists by giving her an ounce of your attention. Unless of course you sing F--- You by Ceelo bwahaha


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## Andy1001

sczinger said:


> Here is a twist for you. Let me preface by saying I have a full time job and have been gainfully employed all my life. That being said... I have been singing professionally in a band that is well known in my area for the better part of 22 years. We have a concert this Friday night at an establishment that is celebrating their 70th anniversary. The venue is literally next door, and shares the same parking lot, as the restaurant she helps manage and works for her AP... I have some anxiety about even pulling into the parking lot. We expect upwards of a couple of thousand people to attend. The stage faces the back of "her" restaurant. I keep telling myself..."I have the mic". LOL. I may change some words up to some of the songs...


You didn’t say what sort of music your band plays but I’m assuming it’s a cover band.May I suggest the following playlist.
1. Hank Williams “Your cheating heart”.
2.Kenny Rogers “Ruby”.
3.Dion “Runaround Sue”.
4.Marvin Gaye “Heard it through the grapevine”.
And so on and so on.
If you have a woman in the band you could duet Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the way you lie”.
But your encore has to be Shaggys “It wasn’t me”.


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## Andy1001

personofinterest said:


> This would be hilarious - but don't spoil the work of these artists by giving her an ounce of your attention. Unless of course you sing F--- You by Ceelo bwahaha


What about Eamon “**** it,I don’t want you back”.


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## personofinterest

"She's an Easy Lover"
"Since U Been Gone"
"Cry Me A River"
"Stronger"
"Karma"
"I Don't Want You Back"
"Lost Cause"
"Love Yourself"


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## personofinterest

Andy1001 said:


> What about Eamon “**** it,I don’t want you back”.


That too.

And I confess, when I sing this I always think of my ex:


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## Chuck71

Try this one....... it "is" fitting.......


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## sczinger

Chuck71 said:


> Try this one....... it "is" fitting.......
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9SUgsCvkac


These are all cracking me up... It's an oldies band.... The only one we do is Run Around Sue....


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## Lostinthought61

that is perfect...tell the audience that you are dedicating the next song for your ex wife who works next door...and then play "the Cheater"

drop mic.


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## Lostinthought61




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## Yeswecan

Loretta Lynn..."Cheating Heart"


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## GusPolinski

sczinger said:


> Here is a twist for you. Let me preface by saying I have a full time job and have been gainfully employed all my life. That being said... I have been singing professionally in a band that is well known in my area for the better part of 22 years. We have a concert coming up night at an establishment that is celebrating an anniversary. The venue is literally next door to the restaurant she helps manage and works for her AP... I have some anxiety about even pulling into the parking lot. We expect upwards of a couple of thousand people to attend. The stage faces the back of "her" restaurant. I keep telling myself..."I have the mic". LOL. I may change some words up to some of the songs...


https://youtu.be/Mc3Ej8O_tw4


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## personofinterest

I never realized how many F word songs there are out there!


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## Andy1001

personofinterest said:


> I never realized how many F word songs there are out there!


Where have you been hiding?
“Somewhere over the ****ing rainbow” 🤬🤬


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## Taxman

Years ago, when I was dating my wife, I drove cab at nights, and on the weekends I disk jockeyed. I did a lot of singles events and a few ethnic dances. Her ex BF did NOT like me. They had broken up months before we met, however, he was bound and determined to get in my face. He showed at one event and made some fairly disparaging remarks about me while standing outside my booth. He was easily removed by some judicious speaker balancing as well as a really bad feedback whine. But I was aware that he was going to present an ongoing problem. So, next event, I talked to the bouncer, described the guy and said if he enters and stands less than ten feet from my booth, I want him removed with extreme prejudice. The bouncer is a great guy, and comes up to me about an hour later, points and asks if that was my guy. Yup, and he was already starting. He had such a look of surprise when the bouncer lifts him off his feet by his shirt collar, and heaves him into the street. Just so happens that a few of the street denizens noticed that he was dazed, and rolled him for his wallet. When he came to, he was not allowed back in the venue to call police, and had no more wallet, credit cards or cash to get home. Never bothered me again, plus, he did get married a few years later, and does not want his wife to know how big a torch he carried, and what I did to extinguish that torch.


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## Andy1001

Taxman said:


> Years ago, when I was dating my wife, I drove cab at nights, and on the weekends I disk jockeyed. I did a lot of singles events and a few ethnic dances. Her ex BF did NOT like me. They had broken up months before we met, however, he was bound and determined to get in my face. He showed at one event and made some fairly disparaging remarks about me while standing outside my booth. He was easily removed by some judicious speaker balancing as well as a really bad feedback whine. But I was aware that he was going to present an ongoing problem. So, next event, I talked to the bouncer, described the guy and said if he enters and stands less than ten feet from my booth, I want him removed with extreme prejudice. The bouncer is a great guy, and comes up to me about an hour later, points and asks if that was my guy. Yup, and he was already starting. He had such a look of surprise when the bouncer lifts him off his feet by his shirt collar, and heaves him into the street. Just so happens that a few of the street denizens noticed that he was dazed, and rolled him for his wallet. When he came to, he was not allowed back in the venue to call police, and had no more wallet, credit cards or cash to get home. Never bothered me again, plus, he did get married a few years later, and does not want his wife to know how big a torch he carried, and what I did to extinguish that torch.


HaHaHa I love it. 😂😂😂😂😂


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## Kamstel

Any further attempt to say “hi” to you?


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## sczinger

No. Nothing else.


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## Marc878

Just a tiny breadcrumb.

Good job on not biting


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## Taxman

That “hi” says she wants to see if the alternative is available. At the concert, up the volume to just below speaker blowout volume and do a chorus of, “Your Cheatin Heart”, followed by “Cold as Ice” etc etc etc


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## Decorum

Well, dont be surprised if she makes a cameo. 

I recommend the far away smiling ghost look.


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## 2ntnuf

You are hoping too much. Find joy in what you do. Don't hope for anything with her. Date, have some fun and live as happily as you can. You may find a woman who wants you. She may have only wanted to see if you could be friends with her or if you were still hurting. She may think you are still hurting because you didn't say anything to her. She doesn't want you and she isn't looking for anything except forgiveness and friendship, as in a brotherly/sisterly relationship where she can feel forgiven. Don't bother unless it is going to make you feel better. If it will draw you back into the heartache that I think it might, then just leave it be and keep away from her.


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## Chuck71

Decorum said:


> *Well, dont be surprised is she makes a cameo.*
> 
> I recommend the far away smiling ghost look.


About 1AM, trench coat, not much under it. -just wanting to talk-


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## Decorum

.


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## Hope Shimmers

Okay. So you're gorgeous (saw that avatar before you took it down), smart, articulate, loyal, and make a great living. Oh, and to top it off, you PLAY IN A BAND.

I am first in line when you start to date.

Your ex-wife is the stupidest person I've never met. 

Just sayin'. There are NO single men out there like you. You will do just fine. Hang in there ~


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## BluesPower

Hope Shimmers said:


> Okay. So you're gorgeous (saw that avatar before you took it down), smart, articulate, loyal, and make a great living. Oh, and to top it off, you PLAY IN A BAND.
> 
> I am first in line when you start to date.
> 
> Your ex-wife is the stupidest person I've never met.
> 
> Just sayin'. There are NO single men out there like you. You will do just fine. Hang in there ~


It is so nice to hear a woman say this, even though I and OP know this. 

My ExW got so jealous when I started dating and dating and dating. And when that was happening, I was like... girl you had your chance and you blew it. Now it is time for these other ladies to get their chance. 

I will never understand how some people can actually be so stupid, but they are, every single day...


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## sczinger

Hope Shimmers said:


> Okay. So you're gorgeous (saw that avatar before you took it down), smart, articulate, loyal, and make a great living. Oh, and to top it off, you PLAY IN A BAND.
> 
> I am first in line when you start to date.
> 
> Your ex-wife is the stupidest person I've never met.
> 
> Just sayin'. There are NO single men out there like you. You will do just fine. Hang in there ~



"Hope Shimmers". What a wonderful thing to say. Made my Monday morning. Thank you!!! Friday night gig went great. Tons of friends and family came out along with 1500 others. EWW and her AP scheduled themselves off work at the restaurant next door so no sign of them. It was a good night!!!


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## Chuck71

Hope Shimmers said:


> Okay. So you're gorgeous (saw that avatar before you took it down), smart, articulate, loyal, and make a great living. Oh, and to top it off, you PLAY IN A BAND.
> 
> I am first in line when you start to date.
> 
> Your ex-wife is the stupidest person I've never met.
> 
> Just sayin'. There are NO single men out there like you. You will do just fine. Hang in there ~


OP got him a groupie! :rofl: J/K


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## Hope Shimmers

Chuck71 said:


> OP got him a groupie! :rofl: J/K


Guilty as charged. :corkysm60: :rofl:

The thing about this forum is that you can tell a lot about people by what they write. You can read the hurt and the pain and the honesty. The other thing is that you can get both sides of the story, and you can realize that there are still good people in this world, and you can hold out for one of them. When you are surrounded by people who seem to want to hurt you, sometimes that is very hard to remember, so I thank the OP for that, as well as a lot of other people on this forum.


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