# Have 6 Children wife wants more ,me no



## jmp2204

Newbie here , doing a search I came across this forum. My wife and I have 6 children (all ours together) while preg with # 4 she suggested a Vas. I never thought about it before , but started to make arrangements for it to happen,in the process we had some issues (I chalked it up to hormones as I felt she was getting a little irratical about different things) The eve before it was to get done she asked me not to do it,she was almost due with #5 ,But I wasn;t going to just not get it done ,again I felt it was her hormonal thing ???? anyway after that day she was very resentful for months, she obsessed over me getting a reversal and other options. At first I simply thought she was off her rocker, but she was threatening to leave etc...(I didn't really take that serious .however I wasn't really against the idea of 6 so I went and had a reversal. It was successful and we now have a fantastic 9 months boy to go with our 13 y, 11y, 5 y, 3y, 2yearolds (seeing a pattern?) well after our newborn it became apparent she was trying to get pregnant again.but it was not working as she wanted my to provide a sample (came back neg for sperm twice).So I voiced that we need to move on (I am 47 and she 34) and focus on the ones we have .The war is on now.She has told me to get another VR or she is moving out . I have a strong suspicion she may have a "Baby or prego addiction" she will not hear of seeking councilling or talking to her DR. about this .It's non negotiable on her part! my parents split when I was 9 ,I have sworn to myself I would do anything to not let this happen to mine, however realistically financially, time and a hundred other reasons tell me we are maxed out now. I do know she is inquiring to find another place to go..any thoughts ?


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## EleGirl

She is being unrealistic. I agree that she has some issue tied to always being pregnant. 

Has she told how she intends on supporting herself when she leaves? If you are taped out financially now with one home, she will need to get a job to support a second place to live and all the other expenses involve in having 6 children going back and forth between homes.

Does she intend to move out with all 6 of your children? You need to see an attorney and do what needs to be done to prevent her from removing your children from the family home.

She's not acting rationally. You need to put up real obstacles in her way until she realizes how irrational she's being.

Is there someone who she trusts that you can talk to? If there is a small group, like family or church members maybe you can get an intervention done to get her to seek help.


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## JustHer

I would ask her these questions and ask her to really think about them.

1. Did she only marry you to produce children?
2. Are you a good father to the children you have?
3. Are you a good husband and provider?
4. Did she have these children so they could grow up in a broken home or one with THEIR father present?
5. Does she want herself and the children you already have to live in poverty or a lesser circumstance because she cannot have one more child?
6. How is she going to make up for the added expense of living in a separate home, is she going to get a job and put the kids in daycare?
7. Does she think some other guy is going to take on 6 kids and give her more?
8. What is the advantage of leaving?

Give her time to think about this. She may not be thinking rationally but you can bring her mind around. This is not to say that she may not hold long term resentment towards you.


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## RandomDude

Wow, she's a living baby factory!

Personally I would call her bluff but that's just me, she already has 6 kids, when the push comes to shove I don't reckon she would jeopardise their future just for number 7.


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## mablenc

She needs a hobby or a job, or therapy.


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## mablenc

Is it possible she's already pregnate?


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## EleGirl

mablenc said:


> Is it possible she's already pregnate?


Yep, I was thinking this too. And she needs a cover for it.


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## mablenc

" The war is on now.She has told me to get another VR or she is moving out ."

What do you mean here, did you get a another vasectomy after baby #6?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmp2204

mablenc said:


> " The war is on now.She has told me to get another VR or she is moving out ."
> 
> What do you mean here, did you get a another vasectomy after baby #6?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thanks for the responses folks, i got one reversal and did not get another vas, (it's likely scared over) ,it seems she has been trying to get pregnant but with it not working , she took samples from me twice to a Lab and there is no sperm , so we assumed i was still good to go up until the samples, so if she was already preg , it would not make sense for her to want me to go get a reversal again.


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## northernlights

I'm confused. You got a vasectomy, had it reversed, conceived another child, but now your sperm samples have no sperm? I hate to say this, but are you absolutely certain the baby is yours?


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## jmp2204

northernlights said:


> I'm confused. You got a vasectomy, had it reversed, conceived another child, but now your sperm samples have no sperm? I hate to say this, but are you absolutely certain the baby is yours?


yes ,unless i have a twin servicing my wife , all our kids look like me . scaring over is not that common but does happen , in my case seems it did


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## GTdad

I relate to this - to a point.

We have 8 kids. I got snipped after #4, when we both thought we were done. Then, after 3 or 4 years, my wife made it clear that she really really wanted more, and I was agreeable. We love kids and my job enabled me to support a tribe, so off I went to get a reversal, which was obviously successful. (As a side-note, the reversal hurt like a red-hot SOB, and I for one would never go through it a second time). My wife wanted more, but I said no. I do have some faint hope of living long enough to retire.

But one thing my wife never did was threaten to break up the marriage if we didn't have more kids. By any reasonable standard, 6 is alot, and what she's doing is tantamount to extortion. If I'm acting objectively reasonably in my marriage, and it sounds like you are, I wouldn't put up with a divorce threat in any event, and especially not over this.

My general rule with repeated divorce threats is to, at some point, agree. "You're right, dear, if you want more kids that badly then I shouldn't stand in your way. We can start the paperwork tomorrow." That may sound drastic, but I'm inclined to say that it's not.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Your wife is absolutely out of line. Supporting 6 children has to be really hard enough as it is, even if your frugal. I thought 3 was enough for one income.

Really, stand your ground. Don't give into her threats. This should be equally decided between the both of you. Your wife is not thinking clearly and does not seem to care what you think or does't care of the pain with a second reversal. This is extremely selfish of her. Good luck.


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## Jellybeans

jmp2204 said:


> anyway after that day she was very resentful for months, she obsessed over me getting a reversal and other options. At first I simply thought she was off her rocker, *but she was threatening to leave etc*...(I didn't really take that serious .
> 
> The war is on now.*She has told me to get another VR or she is moving out . *I have a strong suspicion she may have a "Baby or prego addiction" she will not hear of seeking councilling or talking to her DR. about this .


Wow.

Does she always issue major ultimatums like this, threaten to leave you whenever you have a difference of opinion with her?

She sounds immature at best. She may very well have a pregnancy addiction. She's not thinking rationally.

She may have a "breeder" complex.

Does she work?


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## Jellybeans

GTdad said:


> But one thing my wife never did was threaten to break up the marriage if we didn't have more kids. By any reasonable standard, 6 is alot, and what she's doing is tantamount to extortion. If I'm acting objectively reasonably in my marriage, and it sounds like you are, I wouldn't put up with a divorce threat in any event, and especially not over this.
> 
> *My general rule with repeated divorce threats is to, at some point, agree. "You're right, dear, if you want more kids that badly then I shouldn't stand in your way. We can start the paperwork tomorrow."* That may sound drastic, but I'm inclined to say that it's not.


:iagree:


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## GTdad

jmp, I hope I didn't put you off with my advice, so let me add this:

If you agree with your wife that you all should separate the next time she brings it up, she'll likely do one of two things. Either she'll be off in a flash, which will tell you quite a bit about the regard she holds for your marriage, or she'll back track and you two can have a rational conversation on the merits of having more kids or not. My money's on the latter.


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## jmp2204

Jellybeans said:


> Wow.
> 
> Does she always issue major ultimatums like this, threaten to leave you whenever you have a difference of opinion with her?
> 
> She sounds immature at best. She may very well have a pregnancy addiction. She's not thinking rationally.
> 
> She may have a "breeder" complex.
> 
> Does she work?


no home maker (and a very good one) 
I truly believe she has an issue she won't admit to. like the conspiricy theories on here lol


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## SunnyT

But... you are technically an "enabler". 

You enable her by having unprotected sex. If you feel strongly about this, then stand up for yourself and do NOT have unprotected sex. 

You enable her by providing sperm samples for her to have tested. STOP IT. You are fueling the fight. Just don't do it. Tell her," no thanks honey, I'm finished procreating so we can stop counting sperm. Let's just have fun now!"


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## EleGirl

jmp2204 said:


> no home maker (and a very good one)
> I truly believe she has an issue she won't admit to. like the conspiricy theories on here lol


Conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen. It's more just thoughts that come to mind expressed here. We've seen cases where this happened so it's easy to think of them.

I do hope that your wife stops this line of thought/action pretty soon because it sounds like it's causing serious problems in your marriage and it's going to hurt your children.


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## that_girl

Her ultimatum is silly.

With 6 kids, where the eff she gonna go?

Is she going to go get knocked up by some dude just to have another kid?

Who's going to pay for her to move out?

lol She just threatens. Call her on it.


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## NextTimeAround

Is she a good mother? Does she try to palm off child rearing duties to the older children as if they were paid nannies? Possibly making it difficult for them to do homework or participate in after school activities. 

Do the two of you consider what your children might do once they graduate from high school? Do you assume that they will all find employment and /or scholarships for further education?

Just because you have kids, God does not give you more hours in your day. And your employer won't be giving you a raise.

Is your wife religious? Would talking with someone at your church help? Or find the money for counselling. I did think, she could make money as a surrogate mother. But that would be too risky.


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## Iseeyou

Why did you follow though with Vasectomy in the first place?
Why do you need to ask or look for strangers input on having or not having more children? 
If you ~ Didnt have a space in your mind set to do what your wife wanted you wouldnt be looking for people to talk you out of another vasectomy reversal~
God will always find means to support a child in a loving home with a mother and father Dont play with things that are natural in life, And never take away a precious gift~ Life

Does your wife know you are talking about her online? I would never talk about my wife on here EVEN if it was a conflicting issue with us, she sees all my online posts 

I do have a question for you , ARE you HIDING something by wanting to keep the vasectomy? do the right thing and show your wife this question you have asked the world about her and figure your marriage out at home with her not strangers. No stranger on here can tell if you can or should have a child even if its number 7, No stranger on here can fill your head full of enough junk to make your out look on your wife worse then it is for wanting one of gods gifts, a child.


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## mablenc

Iseeyou said:


> Why did you follow though with Vasectomy in the first place?
> Why do you need to ask or look for strangers input on having or not having more children?
> If you ~ Didnt have a space in your mind set to do what your wife wanted you wouldnt be looking for people to talk you out of another vasectomy reversal~
> God will always find means to support a child in a loving home with a mother and father Dont play with things that are natural in life, And never take away a precious gift~ Life
> 
> Does your wife know you are talking about her online? I would never talk about my wife on here EVEN if it was a conflicting issue with us, she sees all my online posts
> 
> I do have a question for you , ARE you HIDING something by wanting to keep the vasectomy? do the right thing and show your wife this question you have asked the world about her and figure your marriage out at home with her not strangers. No stranger on here can tell if you can or should have a child even if its number 7, No stranger on here can fill your head full of enough junk to make your out look on your wife worse then it is for wanting one of gods gifts, a child.


You maybe new here, but people come here for advise especially when it's a conflicting situation at home. This site has helped many including my self. Please don't shame the poster for asking for help. Also, not everyone has the same religious beliefs some people don't even believe in religion.
If you need to, read the form rules.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iseeyou

mablenc said:


> You maybe new here, but people come here for advise especially when it's a conflicting situation at home. This site has helped many including my self. Please don't shame the poster for asking for help. Also, not everyone has the same religious beliefs some people don't even believe in religion.
> If you need to, read the form rules.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not shaming the poster in anyway but do we know his wife side is the poster telling all sides? I'm a male and don't go to church and I'm not a huge religion person but the poster must have questions himself about wanting more children because he's reaching out to strangers to try and sway his mind more on not having any

Poster jmp2204 what conclusion have you come to, what will you and your wife do? Will you split up? Will you have another child? Will you stay together without another child?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betulanana

@ Iseeyou: I could not agree less with what you say! I think that one needs to be very careful in order not to confuse our own selfishness with the scripture.
In fact I cannot find any Bibleverse that tells us we need to have children like baby factories and the Lord will provide for them. To my mind the people who argue like this do twist the scripture and take passages out of context as I realised when I saw them in context. In fact we are called to provide for our house and the one who does not do this is "worse than an infidel".

Children are a blessing... but this also means that we are to value them, be there for them, help them reach their full potential... if we don't we do not cherish that blessing the Lord gave to us enough.


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## NextTimeAround

Iseeyou said:


> Why did you follow though with Vasectomy in the first place?
> Why do you need to ask or look for strangers input on having or not having more children?
> If you ~ Didnt have a space in your mind set to do what your wife wanted you wouldnt be looking for people to talk you out of another vasectomy reversal~
> God will always find means to support a child in a loving home with a mother and father Dont play with things that are natural in life, And never take away a precious gift~ Life
> 
> *Does your wife know you are talking about her online? I would never talk about my wife on here EVEN if it was a conflicting issue with us, she sees all my online posts *
> 
> I do have a question for you , ARE you HIDING something by wanting to keep the vasectomy? do the right thing and show your wife this question you have asked the world about her and figure your marriage out at home with her not strangers. No stranger on here can tell if you can or should have a child even if its number 7, No stranger on here can fill your head full of enough junk to make your out look on your wife worse then it is for wanting one of gods gifts, a child.



So what brought you here?

And we should also remember that most therapists who are hired don't their patients all that well either. What's difference between asking a stranger that you're paying and who throws you out of their office in 50 minutes and some people in cyber space?


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## Iseeyou

So jmo2204, what's going on? Please keep us filled in!


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## Rebfjecca

but I'm inclined to say that it's not.


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