# Need advice ladies



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mrs.CuddleBug has gone through major changes in the last 7 - 8 months or so. She has lost 50+ lbs, goes to the gym 4 days each week, eats right, new cloths, hairstyles, braces have straightened her teeth and her sex drive has gone up somewhat from 1x month to 2x - 3x week, when I bring up "us time".

Last evening, Mrs.CuddleBug and I were having sex and she told me, she prefers doggie style because I'm not on top of her and I am too heavy of a guy. Check my profile. So we are starting to do doggie style and I got too close to her anal area and she freaked out and yelled NO!!!! I didn't mean to do that on purpose, it was dark and I just got too close. Then later she tells me, if I ever did anal with her, no more sex for you!!!

That is the first time Mrs.CuddleBug has got mad and told me NO and threatened no sex if that ever happened.

She also still fights me licking and nibbling her breasts, which she loves and when I go down on her, she loves this but again, fights me on it. I have to push her hands to her sides to please her.


Do you think she was abused as a child?


She had a previous boyfriend, but they never went all the way and I was her first, so I doubt he did anything to her.


Will she ever got over her insecurities or never?

Is it something I will have to live with for our entire marriage?


Mrs.CuddleBug is 35 years old turning 36 on Dec 13.

We've been married over 15 years now.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Freaking out about anal is not unusual. She was upset and thought you might be trying to get in the back door without permission (some guys DO try that ), and wanted to be clear that was a deal breaker for her.

I couldn't tell you why she fights against the things that she actually enjoys, though. It sounds like she thinks it's wrong to enjoy them or do them because they're "dirty" or something? 

If this has been going on for years and years, no, she won't get over it unless she actually addresses it herself. It seems she's content not to, though.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I've never tried to sneak in anal with Mrs.CuddleBug. I know she doesn't want to try this so I just leave it at that.

It was an accident....dark......doggie style......I wasn't in her anally or just about to either.....I'll just let her guide me in. And I honestly didn't think I was near her anal area.

Dirty? Maybe she does think its dirty for me to pleasure her......hmmmmm.

Yah, I think she won't address it ever or until she gets in the shape she wants to be.

It sucks the sex more is mainly for me and not 50 / 50, but I can't force it on her.

Hmmmmmm.......


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why don't you talk about this with her? Why she reacted that way, and reassure her that you would never try to sneak in. 

C

C


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Good idea.

When she gets back from her haircut, I will tell her, I wasn't trying to sneak in the back door. I was actually shocked when she reacted that way and said NO!!! Because I didn't think I was near her anal area.......being honest here.

See, before, when she was at her biggest, her bum was huge and no issues with doggie style. Now that she has lost 50+ lbs, her bum isn't huge anymore, so I guess I have to be more careful and let her guide me in. That's not a problem with me.

When I was going down on her, she did enjoy it........but when I was down there for a while, she pulls me up and says no more. I am thinking.....why stop? Doesn't she want me to give her an orgasm? That's weird to me. Maybe she feels dirty like you say or would feel bad when she has the orgasm? I don't understand.

I asked her, don't you like oral to orgasm? she says, it depends on her mood......see, I know what she likes and she loves it when I suck on her down there, drives her crazy.

So I give oral to my wifee, can bring her to orgasm, but she doesn't want me to for some odd reason?!

Does that make any sense?

Its like me telling her, give me a BJ but not to orgasm......:scratchhead:


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

Her reaction to you being close to her anal area isn't that uncommon. A lot of women aren't into that at all and that's OK. As for her pulling you up from going down on her, I do that to my hubby sometimes when I want him to make love to me or I want to do something else. 

I don't know about the other women here, but the orgasm isn't the most important part of sex for me. I couldn't care less if I orgasm from oral or any other stimulation. The most important part to me is the connection we have while it's happening. 

As for her fighting you, maybe she likes when you take a little control with her in the bedroom. I do that to hubby because I like to be dominated in the bedroom. You definitely should talk this out with her, ask her why she fights you, and explain to her that you weren't trying to do anal, and that you are sorry if it scared her or upset her at all.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I'll be careful when doing doggie style from now on and I won't bring up the anal sex thing with her, and I'll just leave it be.

I see. Thx for enlightening me. So a lot of the times Mrs.CuddleBug only wants more the connection and not the oral orgasm, I see. It's all about the connection more than the orgasm, interesting.

You know, I think she does like it a bit when I hold her hands to her sides and nibble her breasts and go down on her......she has never freaked out and said NO and by the sounds she makes, she is enjoying herself......I think you nailed it.

This is good, thx.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

norajane said:


> Freaking out about anal is not unusual. She was upset and thought you might be trying to get in the back door without permission (some guys DO try that ....


Is there a problem with this?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening cuddlebug
THIS is a real problem. If she has gotten into the habit of "fighting" you when you do things she actually likes, you guys desperately need to discuss and use a safe word.

There is too much chance that sometime she will *really* not want something, but because you are used to her play-fighting you will mis-interpret.

Its even possible she wanted to be taken anally - while complaining. (obviously NEVER do this without consent). 

"force" games are great fun, but they need to be done safely. Having unclear consent is dangerous for both of you. 



CuddleBug said:


> snip
> 
> She also still fights me licking and nibbling her breasts, which she loves and when I go down on her, she loves this but again, fights me on it. I have to push her hands to her sides to please her.
> snip
> ...


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Two things come to mind when you say she fights you on things she likes - fighting is part of the play and she wants you to dominate her back OR...when you lose a lot of weight like that, your body actually changes. Things that turned you on before may not anymore and vice versa. I'm guessing her breasts are smaller than they used to be since she lost weight? They are anatomically different and that may change sensation. 

But ultimately, you need to ask her.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mrs.CuddleBug is a physical woman, meaning she is strong, and instinctively hits when she gets mad. Just the way she has always been.

I need to clarify. She doesn't fight me......she doesn't want me to nibble her breasts or give her oral, so she pulls me up or pushes away my hands. When I push her hands to the sides and nibble her breasts and give her oral, she likes it a lot......so I think she likes it but is still insecure about herself, even after all the changes and 50+ lbs lost.

That's my take on it.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Mrs.CuddleBug is a physical woman, meaning she is strong, and instinctively hits when she gets mad. Just the way she has always been.
> 
> I need to clarify. She doesn't fight me......she doesn't want me to nibble her breasts or give her oral, so she pulls me up or pushes away my hands. When I push her hands to the sides and nibble her breasts and give her oral, she likes it a lot......so I think she likes it but is still insecure about herself, even after all the changes and 50+ lbs lost.
> 
> That's my take on it.


Then pushing her hands to the side sounds like a good thing to do. But you know what else would help? Verbally telling her how beautiful those parts of her body are to you. 

I'm self-conscious about how I smell, so when a guy says "I love your scent" or "I love the way you taste" I am INFINITELY more willing to let his face be down in my nether regions.


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## Willa (Sep 9, 2014)

Oh my gosh I hate when my husband tries to do anything to my beasts. Honestly if those sexy lightening bolts aren't shooting a feeling up there it's just going to feel cold and hurt and that's not pleasurable. And I don't always want my husband down there either. I need the closeness before the orgasm.

Edited for spelling


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

When I grabbed H's head up it was because he was doing something that was making me too sensitive or being too hard and I needed him to either be lighter or move somewhere else for a bit. Just make sure she's not trying to give direction when she gets her hands in there.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Good idea.
> 
> When she gets back from her haircut, I will tell her, I wasn't trying to sneak in the back door. I was actually shocked when she reacted that way and said NO!!! Because I didn't think I was near her anal area.......being honest here.
> 
> ...



Listen to your wife. Yes, womens moods and hormones change all the time. Depending on what time of the month it is, she will be more receptive than others. The book "Venus and Mars in the Bedroom" goes into this, it is a very good read.

As for her breasts, maybe she doesn't like the wet. For some women being wet is a turn off.

Pay attention to your wifes cycle. She will be more receptive to your advances during ovulation, which is about half way between her periods. She will be at her least receptive during and right after her periods.

Men sometimes make too much out of a woman not wanting an "O" every time. Remember, we are not like you, we don't need or even want it every time. Let us enjoy it for what we need and want, which is sometimes the closeness we get from it.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mrs.CuddleBug loves it when I gently bite her breasts. The harder, the more she likes it and told me this once. She doesn't want me to do it, but she has told me she likes it and enjoys it when I do it......

Giving her oral. She can't orgasm all the time because it depends on her day and mood. She always pulls my head up when I proceed to give her oral.....so sometimes I push her hands to the sides and give her oral anyway and she loves it......

I honestly think its life long insecurities....hopefully, one day this will stop or it never will.

I know ideally, she wants to be almost at orgasm, then pulls me up, wants me in her and to orgasm together.

Or after giving her an orgasm, she pulls me up and wants me in her because she is so wet. She likes it at that point as well.

I just want to give her pleasure and orgasms like she does for me.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

So, seriously, tell her during sex how much you love how wet her pvssy gets, and how much you love the smell and taste of it and how you could do this all day long. Whatever insecurities she has that pop up while you're doing what you're doing, verbally reassuring her at that moment does wonders.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

*Re: Need advice ladies cuddlebug*

HI Cuddlebut

sorry this is late and responses below yours
This is backwards so. 



Giving her oral. She can't orgasm all the time because it depends on her day and mood. She always pulls my head up when I proceed to give her oral.....so sometimes I push her hands to the sides and give her oral anyway and she loves it......

Judith: And women orgasms is not always the focus of what they want out of sex. THe satisfaction is the connection to you in sex. and the release of your liquid in her

I honestly think its life long insecurities....hopefully, one day this will stop or it never will.

Judith; Oh yes it will just give it time. She is in her 30s so. If I remember right you have children so that may play a part at this time. 

I know ideally, she wants to be almost at orgasm, then pulls me up, wants me in her and to orgasm together.

Judith: Yes she does because she feels a real empty physical feeling inside and needs you to fill her up. literally in with the liquid and you in her

Or after giving her an orgasm, she pulls me up and wants me in her because she is so wet. She likes it at that point as well.

Judith: Wet the is also a complete feeling too. It is not a complete feeling for her when your not fill that up

I just want to give her pleasure and orgasms like she does for me. 

Judith: She may not understand the concept of you feel good when you give her pleasure in that place. She doesnt realize she is feeling good by give you waht you need. 

I'll be careful when doing doggie style from now on and I won't bring up the anal sex thing with her, and I'll just leave it be.

Judith: No not now because she is still get comfortable with even have sex at this point. Women will realize that they do feel the feelings in anal when the other is happening but she is not there yet she is feeling her sexual feelings in her vaginal area at this point

I see. Thx for enlightening me. So a lot of the times Mrs.CuddleBug only wants more the connection and not the oral orgasm, I see. It's all about the connection more than the orgasm, interesting.

Judith: yes it is because of orgasm is a vibration and involves control etc that is more for you in some ways than her. Yes the physical satisfaction for a woman is you being in her. I realize someone already touch on this but I wanted to add to this

hen she gets back from her haircut, I will tell her, I wasn't trying to sneak in the back door. I was actually shocked when she reacted that way and said NO!!! Because I didn't think I was near her anal area.......being honest here.

Judith; Part of the reason women like her would react is because sex for woman is all about control and when a woman struggles with control in sex that is another place where it appears to the woman that he is wanting to control her etc when in healthy husband cases they dont but a woman who has trauma like yours doesnt know that 


When I was going down on her, she did enjoy it........but when I was down there for a while, she pulls me up and says no more. I am thinking.....why stop? Doesn't she want me to give her an orgasm? That's weird to me. Maybe she feels dirty like you say or would feel bad when she has the orgasm? I don't understand.

Judith; Sometimes it is about her being worn out and cant take much more. Its not about being dirty unless she indicates that in some form like struggling to want sex or something. 


So I give oral to my wifee, can bring her to orgasm, but she doesn't want me to for some odd reason?!

Judith; part of it is a woman has to lose control to do. And she may not always have the emotional strength to do 


It sucks the sex more is mainly for me and not 50 / 50, but I can't force it on her.

Judith: No dont force you do and sex will stop. YOu will get here. 


Do you think she was abused as a child?

Judith; Given what you have talk about I say yes. 


She had a previous boyfriend, but they never went all the way and I was her first, so I doubt he did anything to her.

Judith; Even then for a woman that can cause her to have issues with sex because of lack of education, her father role in her life on a nonsexual level. For a woman it doesnt always have to be physical. 


Will she ever got over her insecurities or never?

Judith: Oh yes she will with pratice. 

Is it something I will have to live with for our entire marriage?

Judith; no. and you will get there. 
Remember you both are in yoru 30s so you have a long time to get where you want to be. YOu can do this in your 90s and more. 

Mrs.CuddleBug is 35 years old turning 36 on Dec 13.

We've been married over 15 years now.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

*Re: Need advice ladies correction on name apology*

HI

I am sorry I wrote cuddlebut i meant to write cuddlebug
mind goes faster than the hands. 

Judith


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