# Being hung up on then ignored all day



## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

Ok Guys, I would love some insight.

My husband calls me while I'm driving to work, I know he is at an appointment and I wonder why he is calling, when I answer he is angry that the appointment didn't go as planned.

He is still at the place he went for the appointment and he starts to tell me I need to find a new person to see him, that this fed- up people cant get it right. Now I have tried to find a new person but he has a lot of criteria and I cant make the decision for him.

My voice started to crackle as I was upset that he was upset and he then says "are you crying"? before I get to say, "no tears, just not happy", he hangs up on me.

I wait 20 minutes (thinking he would finish up at the place) and I called back, well he turned off his phone, many hours (4) later he finally picks up his phone and says if your going to cry I will hang-up on you.

I feel like he just ruined my day at work and wont talk to me and I can't be upset that he just did this or he will hang-up on me again.

What did I do wrong, he still wont talk to me. He has a bad habit of hanging up on me, I know if I did this he would show up at my work screaming.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

learning to love myself said:


> ....he starts to tell me I need to find a new person to see him, that this fed- up people cant get it right. Now I have tried to find a new person but he has a lot of criteria and I cant make the decision for him.


Sorry to be dense. I don't understand this part of the narrative...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

First of all, why is it your responsibility to make his appointments or find him a provider? Is this a professional he is seeing as a favor to you or something you asked him to do?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Yeah, why in the world do YOU need to FIND him someone else? Should HE take care of that?

The hanging up on you and ignoring you for four hours was extremely immature. Is this what he is needing to be seen for?


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

learning to love myself said:


> He has a bad habit of hanging up on me, I know if I did this he would show up at my work screaming.


How long as your husband been beating you?

Google domestic violence centers in your area. A professional should be able to provide you with some assistance and guidance.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

learning to love myself said:


> Ok Guys, I would love some insight.
> 
> My husband calls me while I'm driving to work, I know he is at an appointment and I wonder why he is calling, when I answer he is angry that the appointment didn't go as planned.
> 
> ...


Here's my insight:

Your husband is an abusive a$$hole.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

(male here) Heck no you did nothing wrong. This man does not know how to treat a woman. Its disgraceful.

He should be able to handle his own goofy appointments. He should not yell at you, let along hang up on you. He's picking on a woman. He's a jerk.

No way I'd tolerate my daughter being treated like this for 1 minute, and I'm serious. He needs to be sat down. If I got too old, I'd take along a brother, nephew, etc. This is where large families were a bonus.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Also, from what you describe, it's not just YOU he's a jerk to. It sounds like he was being abusive toward whomever he had this appointment with. "effed up people can't get it right" and your comment that he'd show up and a place of work screaming indicates someone with zero social boundaries.

Not familiar with your back story. Is he physically abusive?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

To answer Octillo's question while in no way hijacking the thread:

My Dr. recently left his group and has not reestablished. I had an appointment that was covered by a younger colleague. At the end of the appointment I was quite disappointed and sad that I will have to find another doc. For the reasons posted by the OP I will be finding my own doctor. 

He is frustrated because the professional he had an appointment with couldn't take care of his needs properly. She is Frustrated because 1) he made her set him up an appointment that he should have handled himself. 2) he is taking out his frustration at then on her. 3) She now has to find him yet another pro and her chances of getting it right are low.

To Learning to love myself:
Due to some events in my childhood I have very low tolerance for abuse. It is my #1 dealbreaker. I know that hanging up is rude but if a caller can't stop swearing at me, I'll tell them that I refuse to be abused and hang up. I'm sorry that that is not an option for you. I don't understand why your husband refuses to talk to you if you cry. 

His methods of handling his insecurities (that he calls frustrations) are leading you to feel insecure. 
MN


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I'd have hung up on him before he had the chance to hang up on me!!


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Anyone who would show up at a spouse's work screaming has some serious issues.

One can only guess that his appointment was related to said issues.

Could be he's just a self-centred jérk but there's enough there to flag a personality disorder.

The "screaming". Blaming the wife. Blaming whoever he had the appointment with. (Professionals are ALWAYS 'useless' to certain PD types unless they condone their behaviour). The wife has to be constantly available to listen to his rants and rages but she gets hung up on - punished - when the convo deviates from him and his needs.

Narcissism is the common denominator in the few behaviours described.

Without professional intervention verbal abuses will increase and likely escalate to violence if that's not happened already.

He doesn't want a wife. He wants a doormat,, and you'll never be a good enough doormat. Without intervention this will only get worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

NOT that I'm defending him, but OP do you cry a lot? Crying is natural and normal, but to some people if it's done around them all the time, it can get annoying. He shouldn't have hung up but I would like to hear more.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

Sorry I took so long to get back to everyone. 

Mr. Nail got it right, my husband reacts first and thinks second.
I do tend to cry a lot, about every 2 weeks or so. 

Mostly because of our back history.

When he gets that kind of angry I either get quiet, get mad or cry and honestly getting mad is the worst thing I can do when he is angry.

When I got home (8 hours later) he apologized for getting mad at me, he said he wasn't in the mood to deal with me. I told him that he treated me poorly and I didn't deserve his bad behavior, he agreed and said he felt bad.

It gets old walking on egg shells and I told him so. I also told him that no matter how I handled this he would of been pissed at me, he agreed and said he will find his own doctor.

He is getting better about the anger, I just could not figure out what I could have done wrong.

Thank You all!


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

I never used to cry but he makes me so angry that I know no other way to express myself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What did you do wrong? 

You married him. 😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

learning to love myself said:


> I never used to cry but he makes me so angry that I know no other way to express myself.


Is the rest of the marriage good?
If so I would suggest that you just have him do these things for him self. When he act this way you need to stand up to him tell him you will not tolerate him verbally abusing you! And hang up on him or remove yourself from his presence until he comes and says he sorry . if after some time he don't back off .then you have a decision to make stay with this verbally abusive man or free yourself and move on


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

every 2 weeks doesn't seem to be in the annoying level for crying. It's more often than I would want to cry. It's way to often for a person in a happy relationship. 

MN


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