# What the Hell?



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Yesterday would have marked the 32nd Anniversary between me and my first wife, had it all not ended so sanctimoniously some 13 years later, due to her shacking up with a company VP of hers in order to snag a big promotion!

So yesterday, I receive a text message from her to the effect of "Do you remember what you were doing 32 years ago at this moment?"

I never even honored it with the dignity of a reply!

We have raised our sons and seen them both through college degrees, and have conversed, texted, and talked about them from time to time, but if she's thinking that including me in her reminiscing is going to soften me up, she's crazier than a damned bessie-bug!

What do you guys think?*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Message her back and tell her with extensive self control you have managed to block out all the negative things that happened in your life so could she give you a hint.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

She is irrelevant.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I'd just delete it and not even message her back.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Mamma always said "Stupid is as stupid does"


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Yesterday would have marked the 32nd Anniversary between me and my first wife, had it all not ended so sanctimoniously some 13 years later, due to her shacking up with a company VP of hers in order to snag a big promotion!
> 
> So yesterday, I receive a text message from her to the effect of "Do you remember what you were doing 32 years ago at this moment?"
> 
> ...


"Making one of the two biggest mistakes of my life."


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## NJ2 (Mar 22, 2017)

Hah! Shes having some major regrets from fond memories- you must have been good in the sack!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Maybe follow that up with...

"The children are grown; there is no longer any reason for us to communicate. Lose my number."


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

Ha! I think it's regret too....and who could blame her. Smile to yourself over her loss


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I did stay in periodic contact with this ex over the span of Hurricane Harvey as she clearly resides in the Houston/Galveston flood plain and our grown boys both expressed concerns about their old home that she's still living in there flooding! 

Thankfully it didn't! *


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Message her back and tell her with extensive self control you have managed to block out all the negative things that happened in your life so could she give you a hint.


Now if you really want to be nasty you could say you remember what you were doing thirty two years and one day ago.
Having sex with two twin sisters that you met the night before your wedding.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

NJ2 said:


> Hah! Shes having some major regrets from fond memories- you must have been good in the sack!


*Let's just say that I couldn't make myself want to stick it in that, even if I gleefully ingested a 10 lb. bag of cocaine!*


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

"I stood before God and our friends, and apparently watched you utter what would ultimately be a series of lies. Godspeed"


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

citygirl4344 said:


> I'd just delete it and not even message her back.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


*It's kind of tough in that she constantly worries about both the academic and social lives of our sons! She singles me out because neither of them will talk to her very much, if at all!

And if her worrying starts to get too intrusive, I'll just politely tell her to find more worthwhile things to go and harangue over!*


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"Hmm....I was taking vows to love, honor, cherish and pledging to be faithful forever. You were....lying."


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Arbitrator...did she stay with the company, and did you ever call HR on her and the VP?


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## Louise McCann (Jul 23, 2017)

Suddenly my marriage problems seem a lot more irrelevant. I can't believe you endured such a level of betrayal and have remained so grounded in the face of adversity. Mad respect for you.

I think she misses you. Or at least misses the memories you once shared. You both did share a lot and you will likely always have a place in her heart, regardless of her disregard for you during your time together. 

That or she could be testing the waters to see if there's any chance you ever think of her or miss her yourself. Probably for an ego boost. I'll go with the first as she was pretty frank with her message and trying to reminisce. Then again, what do I know.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Don't text her back. That's often the MO of a narcissist, they always come back to haunt their exes...usually, when they are bored and they aren't dating another victim. Tag, you're it! lol

Just stay NC. It will not be worth the text exchanges that will follow if you reply with even the simplest reply.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I wouldn't text back. Maybe I missed it, is she single or remarried?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *It's kind of tough in that she constantly worries about both the academic and social lives of our sons! She singles me out because neither of them will talk to her very much, if at all!
> 
> And if her worrying starts to get too intrusive, I'll just politely tell her to find more worthwhile things to go and harangue over!*


"Look, I'm busy. If you want to know more about what the boys are up to, talk to them yourself."

"But they don't talk to me!"

"Well, you should talk to them about that."

:lol: :rofl:


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

IMO your kids are adults and at this time she's meaningless. 

Blocking everything is good so you don't get any distractions.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Yesterday would have marked the 32nd Anniversary between me and my first wife, had it all not ended so sanctimoniously some 13 years later, due to her shacking up with a company VP of hers in order to snag a big promotion!
> 
> "Do you remember what you were doing 32 years ago at ?*




Shouldn't shock you. My 1st love sent me that..... only difference was ours was 25 years.

My 2nd love did the 25 year thing with me last year. They each friend'd me after my D.

Just HS sweetheart and college s/heart. Arb.... happens all the time.

Smile...... move on with your day. Whether you are the one who left or were left....

lets you know the convictions you had then, were obviously correct.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Hey arb,your boys are old enough now... maybe its time for indifference and complete avoidance.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Shouldn't shock you. My 1st love sent me that..... only difference was ours was 25 years.
> 
> My 2nd love did the 25 year thing with me last year. They each friend'd me after my D.
> 
> ...


*Please make no mistake about it ~ I was definitely the one who got left behind!*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TBT said:


> Hey arb,your boys are old enough now... maybe its time for indifference and complete avoidance.


*Oh yes, sir! They both have their B.S. Degrees and will both be entering grad school this spring!*


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Maybe follow that up with...
> 
> "The children are grown; there is no longer any reason for us to communicate. Lose my number."



Or even better, consider yourself blocked!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Best not to respond. Just looking for evidence you'd still want her, i.e. Ego boost as someone else pointed out. 

Is she a hideous beast now? 32 years is a long time.

If you have to respond, tell her "No, I do t remember. Must've been kind of a boring day.....why???"

She's trolling for whatever she can get.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

What's wrong with "I certainly do" and letting it go?

I'm sure your wedding day to her was a good one, she remembers it too. As said, not hard to miss the memories of good times even with the disappointments, they were still good times, life is not zero-sum.

Resentment parks it, kindness lets it go.

To feel this reaction, you've already held on to it too long...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

arbitrator said:


> *Please make no mistake about it ~ I was definitely the one who got left behind!*


Keep on walking away Arb, keep on walking!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> *Keep on walking away Arb, keep on walking!*


*Oh, hell yes!

And if you should ever sense that I'm weakening, just hit me across the snoot with a good solid 2X4!*


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> What's wrong with "I certainly do" and letting it go?
> 
> I'm sure your wedding day to her was a good one, she remembers it too. As said, not hard to miss the memories of good times even with the disappointments, they were still good times, life is not zero-sum.
> 
> ...


This times 1000.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I wouldn't text back. Maybe I missed it, is she single or remarried?


*Still very much single!

Bipolarism rarely attracts any boyfriends, much less marital partners!!*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Arbitrator...did she stay with the company, and did you ever call HR on her and the VP?


*She stayed for about 3 years longer, took a huge retirement buyout and has all but squandered it all on various boyfriends, et. al. Her VP BF retired shortly thereafter and took his family out of state!

She has a Masters in DP, but now chooses to work in a deli of all places! Medically, she also has since contracted a mild form of palsy!*


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

I'd either not reply at all, or a simple "yes" and that's it. Don't engage with her any further.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ILoveSparkles said:


> I'd either not reply at all, or a simple "yes" and that's it. Don't engage with her any further.


*I rarely ever do communicate with her unless, of course, it's an emergency such as the recent hurricane!

She always seems to remember everyone's birthdays, holidays, and Christmas gifts!

To my knowledge, she has no real friends! And refuses to go to church!*


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I'd either ignore it or simply mention that we created some fine kids together. 

A personal note about myself: I try to manage resentment in my life. Resentment can drift into being self indulgent and I want to avoid that anchor from being attached to my neck.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Now if you really want to be nasty you could say you remember what you were doing thirty two years and one day ago.
> Having sex with two twin sisters that you met the night before your wedding.


No, it'd have to be believable...our Arb would never do anything like that, he's a gentleman


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> "Hmm....I was taking vows to love, honor, cherish and pledging to be faithful forever. You were....lying."


*Yeah! Both my XW and more particularly, my RSXW unconsciably "lied" their skanky a$$es off right up there at the church alter! 

As if that's supposed to be a surprise! I only wish that I knew then what I know now!*


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Don't know if anyone said this, but it is tough sometimes to separate fantasy from reality. We get caught up in wishes and then place more emphasis on tone and inflection in conversations with those we wish about. I don't think it's unusual, but I'm glad you got this out. You deserve better than what she gave you, excepting the children. Careful you don't allow yourself to believe those wishes. 

Arb, my best wishes are with you. You deserve someone to enjoy life with. Keep looking or work on correcting any issues you have with this ex and date her. Either way is not shameful, if there is work done. Don't let the children influence you. Be honest with yourself. Forget about what others think. 

In the end, it's really your choice. Coming back to this on occasion means something. Only you can figure that out. If you want to make her relevant, then decide to do that. Either way, you don't deserve all the drama, but you do deserve to be loved and to love. You can choose to do the second.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

ReidWright said:


> "Hmm....I was taking vows to love, honor, cherish and pledging to be faithful forever. You were....lying."


This Arb...

Do it.


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