# Honeymoon Troubles



## honeymoonfail (Dec 22, 2015)

Hi guys I'm new here. I just found this site and need help! My husband and I just got married 2 months ago. Before we got married we talked about having a threesome with another female since that was on his bucket list. I didn't totally agree but didn't rule it out either. But I told him IF we did it would be boundaries. No actual vaginal sex between them two. Fast forward to our honeymoon. I'm beyond wasted and we go to the strips club in Dominican Republic. One thing leads to another and we're in a private room. I was beyond wasted and wasn't that coherent. I guess he figured now is the time since I didn't object (I was DRUNK) I didn't want to ruin it once I realized what was going on, but I saw her grab a condom & they ended up having sex. Once I sobered up and realized they did I felt sick to my stomach. He didn't let her know before hand that no sex was allowed. Her English wasn't that great so I could see that part. It's been 2 months and I can't get over it. Is it my fault? Is it his? Should I have stopped? I don't know what to do. We shouldn't be fighting this early in the marriage but I have flashbacks about it and I want to forgive him I just don't know how...


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Wow, your husband had sex with another woman on your honeymoon?!?

Yea I'm not sure what else to say except that your man-picker is broken.

I wouldn't be getting over this either...sorry you're here.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's good that you learned he can't be trusted so early in the marriage. Now all you have to worry about is where he is and what he's doing every minute of the day. Get tested for STDs. Have you addressed this with him periodically over the last two months? What does he say about cheating on you on your honeymoon? What does he say about taking advantage of your drunkenness?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Ditto. He agreed to no PIV and he violated that rule. A drunk person cannot give consent - silence, or lack of objection does not equal consent.

Now that it's off his bucket list (did you participate aka a real 3-some or was it him hooking up with her and you were just in the room?) is he done? 

I'd think long and hard about staying with someone who violated your trust. Bring up your conversation about no PIV sex. I don't care about the language barrier - he had the choice to not put it in. "NO" happens to be the same in most languages and he could have used it. 

If you do want to get over this, I suggest you see a marriage counselor NOW. Both of you. For as long as it takes to get back on track.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'd kick him to the curb but; yeah, marriage counseling is good.


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## honeymoonfail (Dec 22, 2015)

I did participate (aka real threesome) and it wasn't toward the end that they did. He was laying down at first she gave him oral then she put the condom on and got on top of him (while I was on top of him up north) He regrets it too. He says he wishes it never happened. 

Thats the thing I do trust him! That's the c any part. I know where he is and I know he's not creeping around. It's just that experience went totally wrong. If that one part hadn't of happened I would be fine with it.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You have every reason not to trust him. You established a boundary and he violated it because he could.

Let's say you both set a boundary about finances, and then you find out he violated that because he didn't think you would find out. Kind of seems likely.

He has to learn.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

honeymoonfail said:


> I did participate (aka real threesome) and it wasn't toward the end that they did. He was laying down at first she gave him oral then she put the condom on and got on top of him (while I was on top of him up north) He regrets it too. He says he wishes it never happened.
> 
> *Thats the thing I do trust him!* That's the c any part. I know where he is and I know he's not creeping around. It's just that experience went totally wrong. If that one part hadn't of happened I would be fine with it.


apparently you can't trust him because he violated your marriage after only two months. give him ten years and see what happens.......


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You really have no reason to trust him.

He proved to you that he will take advantage of a situation to get some sex. Imagine what he will do when you are not in the room with him.

I would divorce him.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Wow

I think every man dreams of a 3some. But very few actually go through with it. On your honeymoon though? That's crazy. 
In fact I would imagine that is something a single man dreams of. Wonder how much into it he would be if it was another man and you not the other way around.

I was in love on my honey moon and could not imagine being with anyone else.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> Thats the thing I do trust him! That's the c any part. I know where he is and I know he's not creeping around. It's just that experience went totally wrong.


I can't see how you trust him. This was your honeymoon...its the time right after you've said your vows and made promises to each other.

In fact, its hard to imagine that under whatever circumstances that this was an advisable time to bring a 3rd party into your marital bed.

That he also went as far as to penetrate a stranger that could make both of you ill when you clearly told him that you were not ok with that simply adds a massive amount of fuel to the fire.

You haven't been married to him long enough to have any basis to trust him and yet in the very short time you've been married, you already have basis NOT to trust him.

If you aren't seriously concerned about this, you're paddling down De Nial, headed for a waterfall.


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## honeymoonfail (Dec 22, 2015)

Another man would have grossed him out I'm sure. It was something he'd always wanted to do since he was single. Then we met feel in love and got married. I was in love on my honeymoon still am, but it's still in the back of my mind.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

honeymoonfail said:


> Another man would have grossed him out I'm sure. It was something he'd always wanted to do since he was single. Then we met feel in love and got married. I was in love on my honeymoon still am, but it's still in the back of my mind.



What you don't want is 10 years from now regretting your marriage and looking back at this moment as a BIG RED FLAG.

At the very least do not consider having kids for a long time.


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## honeymoonfail (Dec 22, 2015)

Yea I definitely left that part out. We have a 6 month old. I got pregnant when 3 months after we got engaged.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

honeymoonfail said:


> Another man would have grossed him out I'm sure. It was something he'd always wanted to do since he was single. Then we met feel in love and got married. I was in love on my honeymoon still am, but it's still in the back of my mind.


I think you love him far more than he loves you. If he loves you the only sex he would want is with you and you alone. At least that's how I feel.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

honeymoonfail said:


> Yea I definitely left that part out. We have a 6 month old. I got pregnant when 3 months after we got engaged.


Well that does change things a bit. 

Well its hard to say what to do. Maybe you can get past this. I don't know. You will have to ask your self that question.

That child needs both parents. I really hope for your sake it was a one time lapse in judgment. Although a really big one.

You are really going to have a rough start to your marriage. Trust is one thing you have to have and its in really bad shape right now.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well... I hope the wedding wasn't too expensive.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'm not trying to condone his behavior here, but I'd give him a chance. If you read the CWI forum most of the people that cheat are repeat offenders, that plan it ahead of time, are constantly lying to their spouse, and many have no real remorse. Instead this was a one time mistake that he regrets, probably happened when he was also influenced by alcohol, went beyond what you both had intended, and you were present for the whole thing and didn't try to stop it. When my XW cheated on me the part that I couldn't get over was the constant lying and lack of trust. Luckily you still do trust him, or so you said. Granted it sucks that it happened, especially on your honeymoon, but since there is a young kid involved I'd try to work through it, if you can. Now as far as how to forgive him, I'd set up specific boundaries. Such as no alcohol or strip clubs, or whatever else you think was a major contributor to his making bad decisions. You two should also see a counselor.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I'm beyond wasted and we go to the strips club in Dominican Republic.


See, right here is where I am lost. You went to a strip club in a foreign country while on your honeymoon? Does not compute. You were lucky that's all that happened. Have you two been tested for STD's?



> I did participate (aka real threesome) and it wasn't toward the end that they did. He was laying down at first she gave him oral then she put the condom on and got on top of him (while I was on top of him up north) He regrets it too. He says he wishes it never happened.


Look, he f*cked up, but you were right there with him, so it's not all on him. * It really isn't. You were right THERE.

*You can make this all about how you can't trust him, but you were right there and participating and at no point did you stop anything from happening. If you were blasted out of your mind, I suspect he was too, which makes you both culpable, sorry but it does.

Both of you are at fault for this. You can keep blaming him and wailing about how you can't trust him, but you have to take responsibility for your complicity in enabling him to have this experience. When you choose to participate in a threesome in a strip club on your honeymoon, your judgment is just as suspect as his so you can't just blame him for *it. Both of you need to do some learning about relationships, not just him.

*You can't change what happened, but you can agree to do the hard work to repair and rebuild. But first you have to stop blaming him for the whole thing when you know you were right there.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Well... I hope the wedding wasn't too expensive.


I think she gets out cheap emotionally if she ends this wreckage immediately. She knows deep down its fd up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> I think she gets out cheap emotionally if she ends this wreckage immediately. She knows deep down its fd up!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think we're being entertained.

Strip club during the honeymoon?

Sure. Sounds legit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> I think we're being entertained.
> 
> Strip club during the honeymoon?
> 
> ...


Come on Gus, I totally buy it. It was a bucket list item for the groom he just wanted to check that off early:wink2:


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I think we're being entertained.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Dang...I bought it. Some freaks here at TAM (and I ️ them very much!). But now that you mention it...

I gotta lay off the weed :/


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Sadly its most likely legit, but maybe I need to smoke some weed. The problem is they closed the Taco Bell near me so that's a no go on weed til it reopens and I can get 17 tacos after smoking a bowl.

Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

honeymoonfail said:


> Another man would have grossed him out I'm sure. It was something he'd always wanted to do since he was single. Then we met feel in love and got married. I was in love on my honeymoon still am, but it's still in the back of my mind.


Of course another man would have grossed him out, just like another woman should have grossed you out.

Why is it ok for him to have another woman in a 3 some, but not ok for you to have a man in a threesome????

YOu need to ask him that.

If I were you, I'd tell him that now you want to make things even and have a mfm... and you want the man to have intercourse with you ... and watch how your husband reacts. His reaction will tell you the magnitude of how bad it is what he did.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TAM has the rule of not calling people trolls. If you think someone is a troll.. report the thread and then don't post on the thread.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Sadly its most likely legit, but maybe I need to smoke some weed. The problem is they closed the Taco Bell near me so that's a no go on weed til it reopens and I can get 17 tacos after smoking a bowl.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



*sad face*

Mmmm....nacho bel grandeeeeee

And peanut butter Captain Crunch 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Definitely bad but not marriage ending bad in my book. 

You were actively participating. Its difficult to tell how drunk you were but that sets some limits. He did violate a limit you had set on the 3-some, but honestly I think drunken people, 3-somes and limits are a bad mix in any case. 

From this point I'd say that things went badly wrong. He agrees to no more 3-somes. Forgive and forget, and continue to love him. 




honeymoonfail said:


> I did participate (aka real threesome) and it wasn't toward the end that they did. He was laying down at first she gave him oral then she put the condom on and got on top of him (while I was on top of him up north) He regrets it too. He says he wishes it never happened.
> 
> Thats the thing I do trust him! That's the c any part. I know where he is and I know he's not creeping around. It's just that experience went totally wrong. If that one part hadn't of happened I would be fine with it.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

My view: you love him and want to make him happy. When he brought up the threesome, you considered it because you love him. He was right to tell you his desire before you married.

You agreed, but with conditions. Again, I think you agreed because you love him and want to make him happy. But he didn't consider your feelings. First, not in the honeymoon! Seriously not the time to introduce anyone new to your sexual lives. Why dd you even go to a strip club on your honeymoon?

Anyway, there you were and his desires clouded his judgment. Yes, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here. But, he did break your agreement. He went too far, in my view, just going into a back room with a stripper on your honeymoon.

Now you are faced with the question of whether you can trust him and get past this. His words and actions will matter hugely now. Does he defend and deflect or does he apologize and take responsibility. If the former, divorce is probably inevitable. If he can see all the mistakes he made and own them, there is a chance for your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

Everybody Drinks too much ..., go to strip club on the honeymoon..... end up doing something stupid 

Why is anyone surprised ??


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I'll bite: the whole story sounds completely unromantic for a young couple on their honeymoon but to each his own. He could have pushed her away or, OP, you could have done so.

As you have a 6 month old divorce should not be an option. Maybe neither of you are cut out to be in monogamous relationship? You said your H regrets it? If so, you're going to have to believe him and go forward. Watch his behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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