# Wife facing layoff and looking forward to it!



## jgayle01 (Jan 19, 2011)

I have been married for almost 7 years, we have 1 child together and my husband has 3 other children, one who lives with us and he has full custody (mom is deceased). We have been through so much that time won't allow, but blessed because God did the miraculous in our marriage and we in a much better place and committed for the long haul.
I've been in my career for 13 yrs and make 3x more than hubby. Have always been primary breadwinner. I've always paid majority of the bills plus took care of home. He shares in cooking and child rearing pretty well, I won't complain (though wives always wish hubby would do more ). 
After 10 yrs with my company, we lost our major account and my job will disappear on 3/31. I am eligible for a severance package that would maintain my current income for about 5 mths. Problem is this: 1) My company is pressuring me to find a job so they don't have to pay me severance 2) i WANT the severance so I can be the mom i always want to be plus get some much needed rest and stress relief and 3) not sure if i want to go back into the middle-management rat race; I want my husband to be the main breadwinner.
This may sound selfish, but hopefully someone out there understands. I've prayed for years that God would reverse the roles in my home. I'm not the mother i want to be to my kids because by the time i get home i'm so tired and stressed out that my kids don't always get the best of me. I'm not shabby, but my kids are young (9 and 6) and they need me more than they get right now. Besides, I've been in corporate America since college and it is WAY STRESSFUL. Working in a male-dominated professional workplace has worn me out and I don't really want to keep going anymore. I'd rather do something that i truly enjoy and find a way to make money at it.
Hubby supports the idea of me taking a severance, but I think he'd prefer that i find another job and keep the money coming. If i don't, he'll have the pressure of stepping up that he's never had to face before. We live WELL within our means but he couldn't afford just the basic bills on his own. I feel like it's time for him to step up and not look to me to take care of us forever. I want to be wife and mom and in this area, i feel like husband and father.
Your thoughts?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Stepping down from the male dominated rat race turned out to be the best thing I ever did. I was stressed out, burned out and angry most of the time. This after spending 20 years in my field. What I did was I saved up enough money to stay at home for 2-3 years and was planning on going back to work when my kids were older (they were 3 and 1 when I quit). God had other plans obviously because I've now been home for 8 years.

My husband yes had to step up and focus on HIS career for the first time in a while. Since quitting he's gotten two promotions and several raises which is why I'm still home.

However he supports my decision and he admits that being the breadwinner feels fabulous to him. He now says he hated the fact that I made 3X what he did. If I do go back to work it will be part time and low stress.


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## jgayle01 (Jan 19, 2011)

Wow, Mavash! How powerful!!! That's EXACTLY what I'm praying and asking God for. I don't have much money saved, just what's in my 401k account. But a few years ago I went to cosmetology school at night (still working, my daughter was 2) and got my license so that one day I could leave this job and work for myself. I'm hoping to use that to keep bringing in money and still be able to set my own hours and take care of my kids.
Your story is so encouraging! I pray for such a happy ending.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Have you told your husband how you honestly feel about working in this environment? Does he realize how exhausted you are, and what you wish for?

It might be a good time to have a discussion about your next steps with him, and be honest about the toll this job has taken on you.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My first marriage, I supported my husband and child. My second marriage, my husband supports the children and I. My husband certainly stepped up to the plate! He's working 1 full time job, 2 well paying part time work. Sometimes he feels overworked, but he insisted I quit working and raise the children. We discussed the possibility of me not returning to work once I quit, which he was in complete acceptance of this.

Now I really can't go back to work, I broke my neck and now disabled. I've been out of work too long to collect disability. We have made sacrifices since our health insurance went sky high(2,000 per month last year). This year insurance is not much lower, but I've met the deductible already(hospital stay), which is actually working out better. Now my care for the rest of the year is covered. Before we were paying high copays and medicine every month.

My husband still has his free time and spends most of it with us. I prefer to stay home. Most days I'm alone, which is very nice! I've been a SAHM for 11 years and I'm very happy. My husband use to get jealous because I was able to run my 36 miles a week while he was at work. He's stuck exercising at night, which is tough because it's hard to fall asleep after an hours workout. We have a fabulous marriage and there is never any resentment between us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jgayle01 (Jan 19, 2011)

Thank you all for your responses! So helful!

Yes, we've talked about my job stress extensively. The only I haven't asked hubby is the direct question: "Do you WANT me to keep working in my field?" He sympathizes and knows I don't want to keep doing this, and has said he knows I want to do something I enjoy. Seems supportive, but I also know his dark side. When he doesn't have money, he can be VERY hard to live with. Shuts down, wont talk, grouchy, no sex, mean to the kids. I'm afraid if the financial pressure gets to be too much for him, he'll blow a gasket and we might go back to the bad years.
I'm praying for God to show me what to do. I love my husband dearly and I want him to feel good about himself. Just not sure how he'll handle the struggle and I know myself; I will jump right back in and start working just to keep peace.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

How about posing it as a "trial". Your severance gives you the option of not working for a bit while still having plenty of money. Tell him you want to give it a try and see how things go, instead of flat out deciding not to work anymore.

Maybe he will enjoy having you at home with the kids if you are happier? Typically if one spouse becomes happier with life, the relationship improves. Maybe it can work out that way for you.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think it is a great idea, for all the reasons you have indicated.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

norajane said:


> How about posing it as a "trial". Your severance gives you the option of not working for a bit while still having plenty of money. Tell him you want to give it a try and see how things go, instead of flat out deciding not to work anymore.
> 
> Maybe he will enjoy having you at home with the kids if you are happier? Typically if one spouse becomes happier with life, the relationship improves. Maybe it can work out that way for you.


This is a good idea. One month after quitting my job my kids totally changed for the better. The house was clean, I was cooking, kids and I were happy. It was amazing!!

Now it's to the point where my husband is spoiled and doesn't want me to work. LOL Sure he wants more money who doesn't but he recognizes that money comes at a price and for now it's not one either of us are willing to pay.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

In this economy, there's a risk that your husband may not be able to make up much of the difference in lost income. So a couple of things here: you mentioned cosmetology, maybe you can start something from home? Also what about expenses, you must be prepared to downscale the lifestyle, is your husband prepared to do that? Many tips for frugal living can be found through Google.

I applaud your desire to stay home and manage the household and the kids. But you must talk this over with your husband. Have to decide where to go from here.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Zzyzx said:


> I applaud your desire to stay home and manage the household and the kids. But you must talk this over with your husband. Have to decide where to go from here.


Agree. I think the ideal of the man working and the wife staying at home was more applicable when jobs were more physical and a woman's earning power was limited accordingly.

In today's economy (at least in this country) a woman with equal training and experience can earn just as much as a man; some would argue that women can make more given their better relationship skills. It makes much more sense for the allocation of home and work responsibilities to follow ability, not gender.

It really doesn't have anything to do with male domination in the workplace. Getting ahead (and, today, even staying afloat) in the workplace is simply very competitive. If your husband were to go out and get a job, he would be equally stressed.

Your kids likely are just as happy having a SAHD as a SAHM. From their perspective, any gain from having you around more will be offset by having him around less (assuming making more money will mean he works more, has to drive further, go back to school, etc.) Also, a woman is not an inherently better domestic parent than a man.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

DTO said:


> From their perspective, any gain from having you around more will be offset by having him around less (assuming making more money will mean he works more, has to drive further, go back to school, etc.) Also, a woman is not an inherently better domestic parent than a man.


My husband does have to pick up extra shifts to make up for the lost income. My kids will tell you absolutely they will take him being gone more to be able to stay home with me full time (no daycare).

And I tried to talk my husband into being a SAHD and he said you couldn't pay him to do what I do. LOL He says he doesn't have the patience for it.


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## jgayle01 (Jan 19, 2011)

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I realize that even though we currently live well within our means, I would still want to try and bring in some money. I thought about setting up shop and taking clients at my home (not sure but worth a shot). Or I could take the severance and get another job that isn't so demanding, maybe even part time.
After writing it out and hearing all your responses, I don't feel as stressed out about it. Thanks everyone!


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