# How to get her in the mood?



## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

I have been going through a barren spell in my marriage which has recently improved but I would like some advice on how to keep things going. I would like to know particularly from women on here what might work to put her in the mood more often. Her sex drive comes in monthly cycles. Usually just after her period she will want sex a couple of times in a week but after that she's no longer interested. What might work to excite her when her hormones are not telling her it's the best time to have sex? Thanks


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

My ex-wife did the same thing; sex right after her period then total shutdown for 3 weeks.

You may want to let her know you've noticed this cycle occurring and ask her what her thoughts are. It could be she's not noticed it.

What do you do already to help get your wife more in the mood?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm guessing that her hormonal cycle just overrides whatever would "normally" block her from being interested in having sex with you. She's not getting some need met. Figure out what that is and meet it.

If she says all her needs are met, tell her all yours aren't being met. Then it is up to her to see what she can do to meet them.

One thing I do is let my wife know in advance when I want to be intimate. Yes, it kills spontaneity but it helps. I'll tell her in the morning that I'd like to make love that night. That gives her all day to either get the laundry out of the way (if that is an issue), take a nap (so she's not tired) or read erotica during the day to boost desire for that evening.


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## keepsmiling (Nov 20, 2012)

I agree with CT, I used to be in a relationship where I only wanted sex because of the monthly. It was a shoddy relationship in that he wasn't meeting my needs, I just couldn't see that at the time - I thought there was something wrong with me! So I would suggest to ask her thoughts about your relationship, don't start with a 'I want more sex' conversation (that won't get to the root of your problem).

Best wishes


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

> You may want to let her know you've noticed this cycle occurring and ask her what her thoughts are. It could be she's not noticed it.


Please DO NOT follow this advise. It will only put presure on her, which might get you more sex for about one or two weeks, then it will subside worse than now. Dont be surprised when she has "new reasons" for not hooking up with you.

Please read this post I posted in another thread:
Click here

YOu will need to start seeing sex as a task which has a lot to do with your behaviour and approaches in your marriage. It is a matter of manhood and sexual tension.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with pointing out the problem. As long as the OP isn't rude about it, it's fine to say that there is a pattern forming and you want to know what can be done to resolve it between the two of you. You don't have to jump straight to making yourself a little rough around the edges, sometimes a simple conversation will work fine and in fact it can be more productive to broching the subject in a non-threatening way.


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> There is nothing wrong with pointing out the problem. As long as the OP isn't rude about it, it's fine to say that there is a pattern forming and you want to know what can be done to resolve it between the two of you. You don't have to jump straight to making yourself a little rough around the edges, sometimes a simple conversation will work fine and in fact it can be more productive to broching the subject in a non-threatening way.


Well, let him try it then, he will be soon posting back here with new reasons for now sex


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

is sex good when you do have it? great? are you a great lover? does she have an orgasm during sex? are you good at oral? why don't you get a sex book and tell her that you want to try new techniques? is communication difficult? can you tell her how you feel and how you want to get that spark back? have you asked her what you can do to get her in the mood more often? are you overweight and out of shape?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

At worst, it'll be the same reasons and it didn't work. The same can be said of going with your method which could easily rub her the wrong way.

You don't know anything about there realtionship beyond what was posted in the OP, which is very sketchy and has no details for how long this has been going on, if it's a new or old problem, if maybe she's had a child recently, if she started taking medication or birth control. There could be many reasons for the current situation, 'manning up' isn't always the go to method. 

If he can find out more information from her on what the issue is, it'll help him to make a step in the right direction, which is the goal of this forum.


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Thanks for the answers everybody. I'm aware that we have issues in our relationship, I had already discussed these in another thread and I received some good advice similar to what some of you suggested here. Things have already improved and I'm working on myself to fix my side of things, taking on more responsibilities, asking about her needs and trying my best to fulfill them. I just wanted some ideas for how I could interest her more in sex now that things are getting better. I'm not the most experienced lover, she's the only woman I've been with whereas she has been with a few guys before me. I give her an orgasm 90% of the time either through sex, oral or touching but I don't last very long when I'm inside her (partly because the lack of sex and rejection has damaged my confidence) this wasn't the case before. I think if we had more sex, like once a week, my confidence would grow and I could satisfy her longer. Ideally I'd like to have more PIV sex were we come together which doesn't happen a lot at the moment. It's due to my confidence that I need help with suggestions on how to set the mood. I worry about rejection and I don't want to appear to be pestering her for sex. We have 3 kids and usually spend our evenings collapsed in front of the tv with a bottle of wine.


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

Have u read the thread I linked up there? If yes you would know how to get more sex.

If you are looking for ways that wont have impact on your personality, then you are ignoring what turns women on in the first place.. It isnt good sex, it is assertiveness and challenge in getting you to sex. 

Good sex only makes her adore you more, which should be the next priority after getting regular sex.. And as far as I can read, younare good on bed (>90% orgasms! Pal, the problem is her knowing she can get it anytime she wants. Each good toy gets boring to be played regulary when it doesnt bring challenge)

The only right thing u just said is that ure premature ejacultion is due to rejection.

Want to get read of rejection? Read that other thread. No short cuts, sorry.


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