# Major sexual related issue...



## AshStar (Mar 3, 2010)

My problem falls into several catagories, but its main focus is on sex...Here is the deal...I had my daughter in 2000 will full expectations on more kids. To make a long story short, I got really sick shortly after her birth and 5 years ago I was told by my my doctor I should not get pregnant again because it would basically be a death sentence for me. I can't use bc pills due to blood clots and can't use condoms because I am allergic to them. I also can't risk surgery for getting my tubes tied because of the complications I have after surgery (blood clots, infections etc...) My dr reccommended my hubby getting vacectomy. So for the last 5 years, I have been trying to get him to get it done. He claims money is the issue, but there have been too many times money was not the issue and he still wont get it done (We have been to disney world 3 times in the last 3 years, new cars, tax refunds...the money has been available) I have even made him the appointment and he would not go, stating work was a factor. So he would rather not have sex than to take care of this. Admittedly I have always been the more sexually aggressive one. But this constant feeling of my life not being important enough for him to go through a couple of days of discomfort has lead me to some drastic places over the last year. Also, I forgot to mention, he never wanted more kids and was very happy to find out I could not have any more, which I also resent. I feel hurt and betrayed by his decisions regarding this matter. I turned to online relationships to "fill the emotional needs and connections" with other people. Not always sexual, but some of the conversations borderline on unappropriate. But it felt good to have some one treat me like I was important, even if it was all fantasy. It all came to a head 6 months ago and I told him how I felt about it all. How much I resent him for not doing this. I stopped my computer relationships and stopped playing video games, thinking that he would get this done. Well, here comes income tax season and a perfect opportunity to get it done...instead he chose to spend the money else where. I feel like I should go back into fantasy world to avoid him again. I am truly crushed. Our sex life has been very limited because of this issue of my health. How am I supposed to want to share a bed with a man who would not want to save my life? Is it normal for a man to rather not have sex with his wife? And if so, am I supposed to accept that? And to top it off, he tells me its my fault that he didn't get the vacectomy because I am angry all the time...should the possibility of my death be used as some sort of leverage against me? any thoughts?


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

1. Get really to the bottom of it.
Does he feel this would be losing his manhood?
Is he young and worried that he may want more kids without you?
He has to be willing/ open to it.
HE really needs to decide this.. its HIS body.. You should not be so insistent (DEPENDING ON HIS REASONS)..

If your relationship is bad then he may be all that mush more resistent to make a life change for you. 
If his issue is the manhood thing OR he has heard horror stories.. Do you have any friends he can talk to?
I'll tell you as a man... this was oen of the BEST things i ever did. Sex has been amazing ever since... doubt its physiological and think it mental.. Meaning to be able to have sex when ever you like and NEVER have to think about anything other than the fun with your w? omg fun.
For me? I was ready. We had our kids and i was good with that. Now that we are divorced? Its even MORE fun haahahah.

You've had a long road so far, maybe restart with different tact.
Maybe counseling. You need to get seriously to the bottom of his resistance. IF he may want more kids.. then you kinda know where it should go.
good luck


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

He could just be absolutely scared to death to have a knife "down there". That's just assuming though. Talk to your doctor about other birth control methods, and look into counseling to try to work through this.

You said you were allergic to condoms, but have you tried other materials of condoms other than latex? There is a variety that do just as well at preventing pregnancies. 

Try to have some compassion with your husband in regard to this though, it sounds like he is trying to go along with the decision, but the fear might be a huge issue for him.


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## ozymandias (Sep 22, 2009)

HappyHer said:


> You said you were allergic to condoms, but have you tried other materials of condoms other than latex? There is a variety that do just as well at preventing pregnancies.



Agreed. Polyurethane condoms are better in my opinion anyway. Trojan makes a brand called "Supra" in the US that are awesome.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

HappyHer said:


> He could just be absolutely scared to death to have a knife "down there".


 Out of all men that we polled: 10 out of 10 showed fear of this. :rofl::rofl:

I know I was scared. Have you asked if fear is keeping him from having this done. Has he ever had any other surgeries? How was his reation to those? You can always try the birth control of holding an asprin tablet between your knees. I here it works rather well. :scratchhead:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i wouldnt get it done either. we use condoms but my wife isnt allergic to them


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is some facts about possible complications (though rare)

What are the complications and known risks of vasectomy?

I also know of a woman who her husband got this done, about 5 yrs later, she came up pregnant, what a Shock! Again, very rare. If you can use a different material condom, maybe he would feel this is a better option. Maybe you could compromise ?


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