# finding out my husband's a lier



## mmcomfies02

my husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years, together for almost 5. we moved in together 3 years ago and had a few issues with him lying to me or keeping thing from me then. 1st, i found porn on our shared computer, then he borrowed money from me for a trip he was going on to see his mom and used that money online to buy some collectible things (he's really into comics and movies). so we talked about it since we had first moved in together and told each other that we would be honest about stuff and not hide anything... i'm not against porn, i've brought my own movies and toys into our relationship, even though i do it on my won, but he's aware of it all. but since that discussion almost 3 years ago, we haven't had any issues

so about 6 months ago, i was on his work computer (which he let me use, our home computer stopped working) and was looking for a picture to use as part of his anniversary gift and i found an entire folder of porno pictures, like 10mg of pictures. i was heartbroken. We've gone to buy movies together and have a pretty healthy sex life but for some reason he still had to hide it from me. so we talked about it again, we had several conversations about what we both wanted out of our sex lives, frequency, etc. one of the things he mentioned is he still wants to look at porn and not always for it to be a mutual activity, which i'm fine with, but i just want to be somewhat aware of it, so it's not "behind my back" and he said he could do that. well, i guess that was too much to ask too. the last 2 weeks he hasn't had his work computer, it's been in IT at his office and he's been on my computer. in 2 weeks, i've stumbled onto 3 seperate things he's been looking at on my computer. i'm pissed because it's my computer and i don't want anything to happen since it's used for work AND hurt because again he's lying and keeping things from me.

i think it wouldn't be so bad if it was just the porn thing, but i've also been aware of certain things that he's purchased behind my back. i'm not trying to find anything, but several months ago, i tried to surprise him by buying a figurine he'd put on hold at the local comic shop (i was with him when he reserved it) and come to find out from the shop owner that he'd already bought it. then a few weeks ago, i mentioned going out to rent the movie Hulk and he disappeared in the basement for a few minutes and came back up with it "oh, i bought this a while ago, so we don't need to rent it" cant help but thinking, what else has he bought w/o telling me. and really, i could care less, i fully support his interests, i've bought stuff for him to add to his collection, i made a drawing with some of his favorite characters for his birthday, i bought him a tattoo for our anniversary, but he still tries to hide stuff. 

i HATE all the lying and asked him last weekend why he does it, especially since it's all little things and he said it's just what he's always done. well, i'm his wife, he shouldn't be lying to me! his interests (both the comics and the porn) have been ridiculed in the past, but i've been with him for almost 5 and i've been fully supportive! i'm getting really down about everything and keep wondering what's true and what's a lie. are there other things he's lying to me about? is it just the porn and all the money he spends on little things, or is there more? what do i do now?


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## Loving Daddy of 3

I have yet to read a childish post as yours. You seem very controlling. Your husband isn't your posession. He doesn't have to tell you everything he does in his day. "I'm going to the bathroom now to take a dump".
Give me a break, there are much more important things in life than trying to know every little detail about what he buys and what he spends on while on a trip to see his mother. 
You said that he is a collector and this is his hobby, its not your hobby, he doesn't mean to hide stuff form you, he didn't let you still go rent the movei Hulk and pretend he never saw it and then you discovered he had it all along.
Do you see how rediculous you sound?


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## Prodigal

I went back and read your post twice. It sounds to me that on the one hand, you don't mind your husband looking at online porn, but on the other hand you want to know when he's doing it. This made me think that you mind it more than you're admitting.

Either that, or as Daddy said, you have a control issue going on.


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## mmomof3

Depending on your banking situation (joint account or not) he shouldn't really need to announce every purchase to you but since you share household costs there should be a big ticket dollar amount where you discuss purchases ($200/item or $200/month whatever works for you both).

Talk more about the porn on the work computer, could cost either of you your jobs. If your sex life is that good though maybe ask your self why it matters.


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## 827Aug

These things, for the most part, seem very insignificant. Moreover, he doesn't mention them because they are insignificant. I don't see how failing to mention these things constitutes lying. Are you sure you aren't trying to micromanage his life? Perhaps I'm not understanding your post.


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## KathyGriffinFan

Just to clarify, how much are these figurines?


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## DanF

It doesn't seem to me that he is lying or hiding as much as not giving you every single detail of his day.
I look at porn from time to time, my wife knows about it, but I don't announce, "Honey, I'm going to look at naked chicks while you're at the mall."
Nor do I tell her, "I bought some string for the weedeater while I was out."
So I think either you DO mind the porn and him buying stuff for his collections or you are micromanaging and feel the need to know his every move, which is mistrustful and/or controlling.


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## CLucas976

As a person who has been lied to about every freaking thing under the sun including $40,000 debts, drugs, tickets, etc

honestly the only problem with porn I've ever even had was I asked him to close out the webpages when he was done. I've never cared if he looks at it, I look at it, and the only time either of us talk about what we've watched was if it was funny.

The only time I've come to a point where things like you described bothered me, is when I was burried over my head in fiction and fighting to dig my way out.

you need to relax.


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