# Why do so many people split up?



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Heard a really sad story yesterday.

Friend of mine works for a company where he goes away to work a lot (I used to work there to). Found out that his wife was texting some fella 5 minutes after he'd left the house to go to the airport asking him to come around.

Fortunately, he found out.

Worse still, shes dumped their 3 year old child on him, because shes too busy seeing this other fella now and with her career.

How can people be like this? It just amazes me and makes me so sad...


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Because people stop talking at a point, they get emotionally disconected and start feeling alone (traveling a lot contributes to this as well). Then, instead of listening to their feelings and trying to fix the relationship with the spouse...they listen to their feelings and look on the outside for whatever it is they think they need, being already convinced (for some stupid reason) that they can't find that at home (usually because of bad communication). 

That lady you describe sounds like she was angry to be alone for a long time...hurt ...then she detached, then she learned to be highly self-centered and only care about herself and her needs because no one's worth anything else anyway.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Have to say I agree. If you TRUELY loved someone (both sides) you would take the time to make sure you stay close. How do you do that? talk talk talk share share share everything.

Almost all problems in relationship are related to whats not said... not what's said.

And im not talking about ear bending, i hate the way you ****.
I talking about intimate deep sharing. If you have that... even if you go in different directions (which is not breaking up) it feels good and right. You're both always ready for what comes next.

I agree with kitty.... foundation is communication.


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## Kmw6062 (Feb 10, 2010)

That is what I need to do, is to learn how to communicate positively with my husband on our few areas of our marriage that we need it. 
I'm not about divorce, I feel that every marriage has its ups and downs and i know I'm loved and I know I love, our problem is that my husband is a 'good ol' boy' and he is very opinionated and stubborn when it comes to our children and what he feels I should and shouldn't do with them and our grandchildren. 
I feel divorce should be the last alternative; anyone have any ideas?


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

It (divorce) of course should be the last recourse.

Men especially are not known for being articulate in emotion and relationship. We typically get mad, clam up and simply have no skills to deal with that. Add to that the ego thing (everyone has one but men's are a tad bigger).

Your best shot of course is to try different techniques, to draw him out. Make him understand how important and good it feels to be on a new level, able to communicate well and understand each other. Counseling is a great option. Even if you're no where near divorce, everyone could use help in communicating.
Im not a professional you're not and 90+% of the people on this forum are not so.. not knowing your H, it would be hard to say what might work. If he loves you, you only want the "yes" to move in that direction. Forget then end goal and don't even state or think about it. Just a beginning to start the communication flow and then expand on it later.

good luck


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