# Why am I the one being punished?



## Slsnew2 (Jul 25, 2021)

Is there a word for this? I’m not sure how to link my previous posts but long story short, I caught my husband in appropriately texting some of his girl friends. It’s been over a week and we’re in separate rooms. He won’t talk to me. Comes home and goes straight to bed. Avoids me like the plague. How can I even have a conversation about what to do if he won’t even talk to me?! Obviously there’s no remorse. I don’t even think he can say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Even if our marriage ends, which is looking more likely every passing day, id like to at least talk about it. Ugh. Sorry to vent.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

is it shame or does he not care ? There is a difference. Has he stopped ? or is he out ?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ok, just read your other thread. It seems like this has been going on for a while. Not good


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would suggest combining your three post.

Then find the best divorce lawyer in your area and go after everything you can.

Heal up some and find a man that will love you and treat you good. Your so called husband never has.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Slsnew2 said:



Is there a word for this? I’m not sure how to link my previous posts but long story short, I caught my husband in appropriately texting some of his girl friends. It’s been over a week and we’re in separate rooms. He won’t talk to me. Comes home and goes straight to bed. Avoids me like the plague. How can I even have a conversation about what to do if he won’t even talk to me?! Obviously there’s no remorse. I don’t even think he can say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Even if our marriage ends, which is looking more likely every passing day, id like to at least talk about it. Ugh. Sorry to vent.

Click to expand...

*So if there's NO remorse, what's there to talk about? He sounds like a real prize, OP.

Like most cheaters, he's been using this time to "houseclean" by deleting ANYTHING that could incriminate him - past texts, links to dating profiles, logins to secret emails, etc. etc. The guy is obviously fishing, let's not pretend this was a one-off or the first time he's done it.

It's just the first time you CAUGHT him.

It seems "remorse" is mostly faked by cheaters anyway. When he wants back in your good graces, you'll see the phony dog and pony show of 'remorse' he'll put on for you - it will likely include a proclamation that he's 'changed' and he's 'become a better man,' and it may include a few phony crocodile tears with promises of loving ONLY you and wanting ONLY you and he was just being a 'dumb' guy and has learned his lesson, it may even include falling to the floor and curling up in 'pain' due to the severity of how he can't STAND how much he's hurt you, and blah blah blah. 🙄🙄

You can't believe some of the Oscar-worthy performances these cheaters put on when it comes to wanting to save their OWN asses.

It's pretty much the same script they ALL use when they're caught. They get it from a handbook, I think.

Just pop some popcorn and pull up a chair when the "Remorse Show" starts. It's entertaining as hell but it's fiction all the way, baby.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Cut him slack. And by that I mean all the slack in the world. Cut him loose.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It seems "remorse" is mostly faked by cheaters anyway.


Yep. It's usually "damage control" more than "remorse". They want to lessen the penalty as much as they can, beg for mercy, etc. Let's face it, cheating is FUN to a cheater. They get their jollies at YOUR expense. YOU are the one left with the self-recrimination, the doubts, the feelings of inadequacy, the pain.



She'sStillGotIt said:


> They get it from a handbook, I think.


Yep. Cheater's Handbook, Chapter 5 ....."How to Fake Remorse and Reduce Alimony".


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

IMO it's pretty simple. It's typical for a cheater to blame the spouse. And he is no different.

By ignoring you, he's doubling down/setting the stage to blame you for his explain his inappropriate behavior.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You are not being punished. You are being set free. This needs to be the impetus for you to walk away. There is no communication & now this.  There is no saving this marriage because your H stopped caring. You can't save it by yourself.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Slsnew2 said:


> Is there a word for this? I’m not sure how to link my previous posts but long story short, I caught my husband in appropriately texting some of his girl friends. It’s been over a week and we’re in separate rooms. He won’t talk to me. Comes home and goes straight to bed. Avoids me like the plague. How can I even have a conversation about what to do if he won’t even talk to me?! Obviously there’s no remorse. I don’t even think he can say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Even if our marriage ends, which is looking more likely every passing day, id like to at least talk about it. Ugh. Sorry to vent.


Why haven't you made any movement on divorce? You posted about your worthless husband 5 months ago. He is a serial cheater and has little to no sex with you. Why are you still married?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Slsnew2 said:


> Is there a word for this? I’m not sure how to link my previous posts but long story short, I caught my husband in appropriately texting some of his girl friends. It’s been over a week and we’re in separate rooms. He won’t talk to me. Comes home and goes straight to bed. Avoids me like the plague. How can I even have a conversation about what to do if he won’t even talk to me?! Obviously there’s no remorse. I don’t even think he can say the words ‘I’m sorry’. Even if our marriage ends, which is looking more likely every passing day, id like to at least talk about it. Ugh. Sorry to vent.


He’s obviously obsessed with his OW. In such a fogged up state, he’s thinking that he’s off to greener pastures. You need to find out if this OW is married. If so, expose the skank. I suggest that you drop D papers on him and go full 180 on him. The D process takes time and can be stopped down the road if you think he’s fighting enough for you. 

In the interim, start working out. It will help you feel good and burn off the stress. Then you should up your look across the board. Get your hair nicely styled, (do not cut your hair short) wear tasteful light make up, dial your style up a notch. Liking what you see in the mirror will give you a needed emotional boost.

Then start getting out of the house. When he starts seeing you come from who knows where looking all dolled up, you’ll see how quickly that fog starts clearing up. if not, trust me, other men will take note.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Granted, I am basing this on my own experience, but talking won't necessarily solve as much as you think it will. My ex had an affair and I thought if I just asked the right questions, I could figure out why, or what I did wrong, or what I could change, or find out that I did nothing wrong. Long story short, I thought I could get answers to all of the questions I had bouncing around in my head. I guess to her credit, my ex was actually willing to sit and talk a bit. But I quickly realized that her answers just brought up more questions and the more questions I asked, the more I had. Admittedly, I am the type of person that wants to know why things are the way they are, but I think the answers to your questions ultimately won't resolve the feelings you are having and his answers probably won't be satisfactory for you either. I'm not necessarily saying a conversation is a waste of time, but I don't think it'll provide as many answers as you might think.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Just looking at the posting history of the OP tells me she likely won't be back. Seems she starts threads then doesn't come back to answer questions or update anything.


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