# My wife cheated on me and it turned me on



## ZachA

I know this is going to sound very strange and please don't judge me because I have no idea where this comes from. 

We’ve been married for ten years and have two daughters. We’re both 35 and have jobs.

Two days ago I got home early from work because I had a doubt that my wife was cheating on me and I wanted to confirm it. The reason I had this doubt was because each week my wife would ask me when I'd be coming home. 2 or 3 times a week she would ask me this. Mostly on Thursdays and Fridays. At first I didn't care much because she said her reason for asking was to know whether I could pick up the kids from school. And, every time I had to say no because I usually come home late in the evening.

When this kept on going, I got suspicious. So, last Friday I wanted to confirm my suspicions and I did. But, instead of being angry I found myself feeling aroused. 

Now, I'm confused about my feelings and haven't yet told my wife that I know about the affair. I am hurt but also turned on at the some time. I don't know what to do? Am I weird?


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## SunCMars

Be aroused on another site. You will get a few nibbles on TAM.
But no arousing bites.

Then again, that is my opinion. Have at it.


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## happy as a clam

Oh boy...


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## ZachA

SunCMars said:


> Be aroused on another site. You will get a few nibbles on TAM.
> But no arousing bites.
> 
> Then again, that is my opinion. Have at it.


I don't want to be aroused.


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## happy as a clam

Then get angry. At her, for causing this.


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## ZachA

happy as a clam said:


> Then get angry. At her, for causing this.


I can't. I know how messed up this is. But, I can't seem to get angry about it.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

How did you catch her but she doesn't know? 

It's a common enough reaction that you aren't the only one. But you need to look at the bad. The lying, the bringing another man into your home and endangering your children. Get mad. 

Enjoying watching your wife with another man is a normal kink but it can not be done with a woman who is a liar and a cheater.


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## ZachA

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How did you catch her but she doesn't know?
> 
> It's a common enough reaction that you aren't the only one. But you need to look at the bad. The lying, the bringing another man into your home and endangering your children. Get mad.
> 
> Enjoying watching your wife with another man is a normal kink but it can not be done with a woman who is a liar and a cheater.


Thanks. I'll do that.


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## EunuchMonk

So did you catch them in the act? How did you find out?


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## MattMatt

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How did you catch her but she doesn't know?
> 
> It's a common enough reaction that you aren't the only one. But you need to look at the bad. The lying, the bringing another man into your home and endangering your children. Get mad.
> 
> Enjoying watching your wife with another man is a normal kink but it can not be done with a woman who is a liar and a cheater.


A 'normal' kink? It is?
@ZachA Get tested for STDs. And if legal in your jurisdiction, get DNA checks on your children.


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## Vinnydee

I happen to know a lot about this. Many men today are turned on by having sex with a partner who has had sex with another guy. There are several reasons for this. The most popular statistically is the guy being bisexual and repressing it. My wife used to enjoy watching me have sex with other women and 7 years later came out as bi. The second biggest reason is call sperm competition. It has been shown in studies that a man who has sex with a woman who was just with another man will thrust deeper, thrust faster, get a harder erection and be more aroused than normal. I have been there many times. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201007/why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man

If you want to go back into ancient times when cave men used to take turns with the only available women around, you will find a reason for this behavior even today. The men would watch as each took a turn on the woman and get aroused waiting their turn. Then when they did, they wanted their sperm to win the sperm wars so that they could pass along their genes. That is why they had sex more vigorously than normal. It has been observed that the shape of the head of your penis is designed to scoop out other men's semen so you can replace it with yours. So you have that deep seated genetic reaction to a woman who has been with another man. 

There is also the idea of perceiving the girl as more valuable because others desire her and thereby affirming her worth. Another reason is because men feel that the girl is like a porn star who has sex with others but always comes home to them. Most common these days are men who masturbate to cuckold porn, which is what it is commonly called. They masturbate so much to it that it becomes very arousing to them to even think about it. They associate it with sexual arousal. There is another common reason. The physical changes in your body from arousal and jealousy are the same. What differentiates them is how you label them, in other words the context. If you like knowing that your woman was with another man, the feelings that would normally be jealousy become arousal. That is what is called cuckold angst. They are both aroused and feeling jealous as the same time.

I lived a year with a girlfriend who would come home from a date and then have sex with me. It was very intense knowing that she just had sex with another guy and I could smell and sometimes taste him on and in her. It was like I we were reclaiming each other. Telling the other that you still love them by having intense sex. I have also cuckolded husbands and boyfriends. I cuckolded one husband for 25 years. He got aroused knowing that I was his wife's boyfriend and we had regular sex. The rest of the guys I cuckolded only lasted a few months until their wives started to get too clingy. So I know the excitement of a woman who had sex with another man and of having sex with the wife of a man with his knowledge and OK. 

The problem is that as enjoyable as the sex afterwards is, sex does produce the hormone Oxytocin whose sole purpose is to emotionally bond the two sex partners together. It may happen the first time they have sex or the 10th but the hormone is released and will have some sort of effect. Unless you think you are the best guy in the world, given enough sex partners she will eventually find someone better than you in all areas. All of the couples that we knew who invited others into their sex lives through cuckolding or some sort of open marriage, got divorced when one or both spouses fell in love with someone else. Despite having a strong relationship/marriage and rules about sexual conduct with another, when emotions come into play we humans tend to make bad choices. I had a few wives fall in love with me and want to leave their husbands but I was not looking to destroy their marriage. I was there because their husband asked me to in order to fulfill their fetish. 

Maybe this is more than you wanted to know but I have been at this for over 40 years and only stopped cuckolding husbands 7 years ago. I also spent much of my marriage living in a poly triad with my wife and her best girlfriend/lover. Both girls loved me too so it worked out for us. There was no jealousy at all and not even an argument. Our girlfriend knew her place in our marriage and eventually found a cuckold to marry so she could still be in our lives. The guy she married lost his wife to another guy she had sex with when she was cuckolding him. He never learned his lesson and good thing he made a lot of money or she would have left him. She married him for financial security since she had no spousal benefits in our poly triad. 

So figure out what turns you on about this but also know that she cheated on you. This is not a cuckold fetish where she is having sex with other guys because you both like it. She did it behind your back and not worth keeping around unless you did what I did with my ex girlfriend and have a loveless cuckold relationship. I could care less who she had sex with and she did not care who I had sex with. We just like the thrill of it. My ex fiancé cheated on me and I left her. She went on to cheat on her husband and is now married to a woman. My ex girlfriend who cuckolded me became a drug addicted prostitute and then a stripper. She ended up getting off of drugs and marrying a man 11 years older than her who was one of her wealthier lap dance customers. It is different when you are married. The cost and toll of divorce, the children, the home that you both own, etc.. You may want to forgive but you will never forget. However the beauty of dating is that you can walk away from your woman without it costing you a dime. You now know who she is and what to expect. I would walk away because even if you are into it, eventually she will resent having to do it for your sexual pleasure and want a relationship that she does not have to tell you about.


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## BobSimmons

I suggest you tell your wife that you know and tell her to invite the OM to your house.

Put on an apron, cook a nice dinner, set a table for two with some wine and give them that good table service.

Then take the blow up mattress from the spare room but first take out the blow up kiddie pool and blow that sucker up. Fill it with water and put some bubble bath in it. After they've splashed around for an hour (beach balls are optional) blow up the mattress and watch them get to it (You can go in the kiddie pool if you like and watch from there)

A win win for all!


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## TaDor

If you are not happy about the situation - you need to get evidence. So she can't gas-lighti you or tell others that you are crazy and making up crap.

If they are having sex, what do you want to do about it?


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## Married but Happy

TaDor said:


> If you are not happy about the situation - you need to get evidence. So she can't gas-lighti you or tell others that you are crazy and making up crap.
> 
> If they are having sex, what do you want to do about it?


Sounds like he's discovered he has a cuckold fetish, which is at odds with how he thinks he should feel about her cheating. I think what he wants to do about it, is watch them go at it.


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## aine

ZachA said:


> I don't want to be aroused.


I think the reality has not sunk in, you may be aroused thinking she is yours, a bit like hysterical bonding?


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## She'sStillGotIt

I think you should ask to join in with her and lover boy.

Then you should come back here and be sure to tell us, in excruciating detail, _all_ about your threesome.

You haven't gone back to reply to the SI posters who have answered your same exact thread over there.

Better hurry - chop chop!


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## Anthony Wellers

Vinnydee said:


> So figure out what turns you on about this but also know that she cheated on you. This is not a cuckold fetish where she is having sex with other guys because you both like it. *She did it behind your back* and not worth keeping around...


 @Vinnydee got the main point right here.

...and yes, I can see how jealousy and arousal can be closely linked emotional states. That's where that thing in your head called a brain needs to take over and make the judgement calls.


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## Spicy

Vinnydee said:


> If you want to go back into ancient times when cave men used to take turns with the only available women around, you will find a reason for this behavior even today. The men would watch as each took a turn on the woman and get aroused waiting their turn. Then when they did, they wanted their sperm to win the sperm wars so that they could pass along their genes. That is why they had sex more vigorously than normal. It has been observed that the shape of the head of your penis is designed to scoop out other men's semen so you can replace it with yours. So you have that deep seated genetic reaction to a woman who has been with another man.


How exactly do we know this happend? I sucked at history and science.


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## Dannip

Spicy said:


> How exactly do we know this happend? I sucked at history and science.


Because we're are all here on earth today?

SuncMars called this one


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## Talker67

ZachA said:


> When this kept on going, I got suspicious. So, last Friday I wanted to confirm my suspicions and I did. But, instead of being angry I found myself feeling aroused.
> 
> Now, I'm confused about my feelings and haven't yet told my wife that I know about the affair. I am hurt but also turned on at the some time. I don't know what to do?* Am I weird?*


Not really. It is called being a cuckold, or alternatively if there is no humiliation, her being a Hot Wife.

Some guys get very turned on by it. I am not going to judge. If you like it, let her know. Discuss it with her. 

If it were me, i would be wanting to make sure
1) i still got to get laid with her
and
2) she was practicing safe sex, so i would not catch an STD.

It is hard to get actual statistics on such things, but i hear half of such relationships end in divorce, the other half make it somehow.


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## knobcreek

Jealousy and the chance that your woman may have been unfaithful are linked to sexual arousal in a lot of men and primates. If you're separated from your GF/wife for any decent length of time where the likelihood of them being unfaithful is great, a man's sperm count will nearly double when he's with her and his arousal will likely be off the charts. It's likely whatever causes this in men, is deeply primal, and in your case it's been warped so her cheating is arousing to you.

BUT in a cheating instance this can't be OK, because of the deceit and dangerous self-destructive behavior. This isn't 2 consenting adults deciding to give a 3-some a go.


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## SunCMars

aine said:


> I think the reality has not sunk in, you may be aroused *thinking she is yours,* a bit like hysterical bonding?


Right.

Thinking she is yours'.

She isn't...the POSOM poked her hard....poked her 'away'.

A lot more than six inches.

He poked her into another dimension...and you are no where in sight.


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## CantBelieveThis

Dude what you aren't thinking is she could fall in love with the Other guy and dump you, never mind giving you and STD. 
If you wanna go that route you have to agree both to it up front and have strong rules about it....no secrecy, and even then most of the time i hear this backfires anyways 


Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Pkitty111

In my personal opinion it is drilled in us to be upset about a situation like this from a very young age, but personally I would be turned on too. I have learned for me I am going with my first instinct that what I am "supposed" to feel. So what I think will make your relationship stronger is just being honest with your wife about everything. If you want an open marriage fine, but I think figuring out what you want is the safest thing to do.


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## sokillme

Pkitty111 said:


> In my personal opinion it is drilled in us to be upset about a situation like this from a very young age, but personally I would be turned on too. I have learned for me I am going with my first instinct that what I am "supposed" to feel. So what I think will make your relationship stronger is just being honest with your wife about everything. If you want an open marriage fine, but I think figuring out what you want is the safest thing to do.


But even if it turns you on. If your wife is cheating eventually she probably is going to leave you, if you don't care why should she. I still don't think most women are attracted to a man who isn't covet her sexuality at least a little bit.


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## Pkitty111

sokillme said:


> But even if it turns you on. If your wife is cheating eventually she probably is going to leave you, if you don't care why should she. I still don't think most women are attracted to a man who isn't covet her sexuality at least a little bit.


Yeah this is why I said he should confront her because they need to figure out what they want to do going forward. I am not for lying and sneaking around. If it were me id be upfront with my husband, and if I found out he were cheating I would confront him and ask what he wants because life is to short to be in a sticky situation.


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## Lostinthought61

Spicy said:


> How exactly do we know this happend? I sucked at history and science.


Sapiens - Yuval Noah Harari 

Spicy...this book will have you look at our ancestors in a whole new light.


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## arbitrator

*There seems to be a most prevalent "disease" at work here called "cuckoldry!"

Why on earth would you ever want to give honor to, acceptance, or to even begin to placate your wife's flippant disloyalty to you? *


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## ConanHub

Write a story.


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## ConanHub

Spicy said:


> How exactly do we know this happend? I sucked at history and science.


Pure bull$*!!.

Some culture probably experimented with this but more than likely, just individuals or small groups have always experimented sexually.


Any group of people that had one woman getting banged while several men watched and waited would have disappeared in the blink of an eye time wise.

Nice **** and ho fantasy tho.


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## David51

Hey if that really does turn you maybe you and wife should join a swingers club. Might be a win win for you both


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## GusPolinski

Spicy said:


> How exactly do we know this happend? I sucked at history and science.


It's nothing more than the latest in a long series of narratives that seeks to give evolutionary validity to open/swinging/hotwife relationships.

There are doubtlessly plenty of dudes willing to take turns banging away at whatever random female they happen upon, but most aren't so broken by porn, promiscuity, trauma, and/or a resounding lack of self-respect that they're willing to share their wives or girlfriends in such a manner.


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## VladDracul

Vinnydee said:


> If you want to go back into ancient times when cave men used to take turns with the only available women around,


Ancient times my azz. Back when I was in high school, many, many moons ago and before most teenage girls were fvcking before they got driver's licenses ,(I guess some would call it ancient times) the old boys I run with would take turns with the few available women that were putting out.


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## sokillme

arbitrator said:


> *There seems to be a most prevalent "disease" at work here called "cuckoldry!"
> 
> Why on earth would you ever want to give honor to, acceptance, or to even begin to placate your wife's flippant disloyalty to you? *


They want a pornstar for a wife. The have conditioned their mind through porn that the most arousing thing is not having sex with a women but watching a women having sex. It's no coincidence that the rise in this coincides with men whose probable first and most frequent experience with sex has been watching it on a computer screen.


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## VladDracul

Gus, I believe that "series of narratives that seeks to give evolutionary validity to open/swinging/hotwife relationships" often comes from a bunch of cats whose wives want to do other guys and the husbands/boyfriends, ain't got what it takes to stop them and/or walk away from the relationship. It help them pretend they are not a bunch of puzzy whipped, cuckold, nincompoops.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Typically the best part of these types of relationships are when the stag reclaims his wife as his. The sex between them after. So it's not just the watching that is the best part. 

Anyone into the lifestyle should do a lot of research first. Have a trial run with open and honest communication after and very slowly add more in as both are ready. 

And never, ever do it with someone who has cheated or shown bad boundaries. You need better boundaries than most to make an open marriage work so that is #1. 

Anyone actually interested can PM me for places to look for research or information about hotwife/stag marriages. These are the no humiliation, he's typically dominant and it's a positive sexual event 

I know less about cuckholding with a submissive man but a lot of the sites talk of both forms. 

Outside world can be judgy with these kinds of things making some have no where to go with their wants and desires.


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## GusPolinski

Plenty of places to go to read and/or talk about this crap.

"Not here" would be the best place to go.


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## sokillme

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Typically the best part of these types of relationships are when the stag reclaims his wife as his. The sex between them after. So it's not just the watching that is the best part.


That is because he now gets to have his pornstar wife. Her desirability sexually is thought of just like he might think of Jenna Jamison or someone like that. His attraction to her is proportional to her being attractive to other men. So in a sense she is kind of like a sports car or something like that. Or it's just a power thing like pimp my wife, that dynamic is about power and control. What more power can one have then to be able to make them give themselves sexually to someone else. 

Overall it doesn't seem healthy especially for the women. Essentially he finds her attractive when she is objectified, because he finds objectification attractive. His only outlet for sexuality has been the example of porn, so objectification is all tied up into his feelings of sex. Now maybe she likes being objectified, but I doubt most have even thought of it this way at least at first. 

Hey if it makes you happy though it's your life. And yes I am being judgy, don't really care if that bothers people or not. Feel free to judge me for it.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

No. Not really. There's a lot more to it than your base opinion about it but if it's not something you are into there's not a lot of point in getting really into it. 

It's a way to release your wife's sexuality from the negative restrictions and shame she typically has. It's shedding her insecurities and low confidence and letting her shine. 
The men would want their wives regardless as they would their men


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## GusPolinski

Any "confidence" or "security" gained by banging random strangers from the Internet is false in nature, and anyone so warped that they can't gain those things in any other way isn't worth the upkeep required to keep them either "confident" or "secure".


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

It's not required. It's fun. 
It's one way to have fun and feel confident and sexy and enjoy that feeling with your partner. 

There's no reason why you have to do it and there's no reason why you can't if you want to. 

There's nothing bad about it if it's what you like. It has a lot of benefits to the couple. 

For anyone who didn't want to do it, it would be a nightmare and not have the same benefits. 

It's really that simple.


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## *Deidre*

Two things go through my mind with your dilemma, OP - that it bothers you your wife cheated (and it should) but that maybe you like the idea of voyeurism? Everyone has different fetishes, etc so maybe that's worth exploring in your own mind.


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## MarriedAHooker

it's possible to be turned on by stuff in a 'shame' way, don't worry about it too much IMO


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## NobodySpecial

MattMatt said:


> A 'normal' kink? It is?


Yes.


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## TAM2013

GusPolinski said:


> There are doubtlessly plenty of dudes willing to take turns banging away at whatever random female they happen upon, but most aren't so broken by porn, promiscuity, trauma, and/or a resounding lack of self-respect that they're willing to share their wives or girlfriends in such a manner.


I'm surprised there's many women so broken by porn, promiscuity, trauma, and/or a resounding lack of self-respect that they're willing to share themselves in such a manner. 



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Typically the best part of these types of relationships are when the stag reclaims his wife as his. The sex between them after. So it's not just the watching that is the best part.


If he's a stag, his missus wouldn't be banging lesser dudes. Since he gets sloppy seconds, thirds.....or whatever, I'd say he's the biggest chump out of the lot of 'em. But a stag wouldn't be in the same room as a load of other dudes with his privates out anyway, FFS.



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> And never, ever do it with someone who has cheated *or shown bad boundaries*.


This is a joke, right?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

TAM2013 said:


> I'm surprised there's many women so broken by porn, promiscuity, trauma, and/or a resounding lack of self-respect that they're willing to share themselves in such a manner.
> 
> 
> 
> If he's a stag, his missus wouldn't be banging lesser dudes. Since he gets sloppy seconds, thirds.....or whatever, I'd say he's the biggest chump out of the lot of 'em. But a stag wouldn't be in the same room as a load of other dudes with his privates out anyway, FFS.
> 
> 
> 
> This is a joke, right?


1- You're not understanding what a stag is https://hotwivesandgames.tumblr.com/post/140916865558/what-is-a-stag-the-term-stag-differs-from-the (site is fairly NSFW warning)

2- Yes, ANY kind of open marriage requires very good boundaries and communication. You can not have an open marriage with someone who can not hold boundaries well.


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## Chaparral

The main point is his wife doesn't love or respect him, else she wouldn't be stabbing him in the back.

The second point is that he doesn't care enough about his wife and family to be outraged, and beastly enough to have taken a baseball bat to the guy destroying his family.

They both need new spouses and I think she has found hers in the land of dragons and shining knights!


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## TAM2013

That's just cuckoldry with a new name.


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## ABHale

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> No. Not really. There's a lot more to it than your base opinion about it but if it's not something you are into there's not a lot of point in getting really into it.
> 
> It's a way to release your wife's sexuality from the negative restrictions and shame she typically has. It's shedding her insecurities and low confidence and letting her shine.
> The men would want their wives regardless as they would their men



This is bullst, release your wife's inner *****. Let her **** others. 

And why if a husband is open about sex and loves his wife can't she open up sexually with him? 

Is it because she has to be treated and degraded like a ***** first?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

ABHale said:


> This is bullst, release your wife's inner *****. Let her **** others.
> 
> And why if a husband is open about sex and loves his wife can't she open up sexually with him?
> 
> Is it because she has to be treated and degraded like a ***** first?


The husband and wife do have amazing sex. With or without it. It's an add on, not a replacement. The OM are simply toys they use to highten their sex lives. 

The women don't feel degraded at all. It's a positive experience for them, feeling good about their sexuality.


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## ABHale

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> The husband and wife do have amazing sex. With or without it. It's an add on, not a replacement. The OM are simply toys they use to highten their sex lives.
> 
> The women don't feel degraded at all. It's a positive experience for them, feeling good about their sexuality.


I wonder no more. 

There is just no response to what you have posted. 

SGC I will just agree to disagree with you. 

I guess I hold a different opinion on what it means to be married and loving the one you are with.


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## Windwalker

This is a really bad joke, right?

OP. Sounds like you are into being a cuckold. Newsflash. She's cheating on you and this isn't some kinky porn scene. You are no longer the man. You should probably get your mind around that fact.


As for the other garbage I have read in this thread, SMDH. Hotwifeing or whatever the new age BS people want to call it, is cuckoldry by another name. Say what you will, I don't really care. The basics are that a man gets off on another man ****ing his wife. Potato / Po-tot-o. Most guys call them cucks. It is what it is.

And as far as the wife finding her sexuality and releasing shame. I'm all about that. I have been patient and open and non-judgmental and always will be once the bedroom door closes. I would move the heavens and the earth to make sure that my wife is able to experience the most orgasmic pleasure possible. I would supply any and all toys and techniques she so desired and do it with a smile on my face no matter the time and effort needed. If she needs another human to do it though, she will do it once the door hits her in the ass. Period! And before I get judged, we are D/s. Extracurricular humans are an absolute hard limit.

When the hell did this site become talk about fet-life?
So much for pro marriage forums.


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## becareful2

I have no respect for any wife who would degrade herself with other men, nor any husband who would ***** his wife out to other men/women just so he can get his rocks off. 

Go have your testosterone level checked, OP; I think it may be low (or nonexistent). Have some self-respect, geez.


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## Lostinthought61

we are raising weak men....


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## Sports Fan

Either this guy is having us on or he has some serious issues.


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## MattMatt

NobodySpecial said:


> Yes.



Not for me. And I suspect not for most men on TAM, too.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Sports Fan said:


> Either this guy is having us on or he has some serious issues.


The "OP" hasn't been back since the *one* day he posted this fairy tale back in late August.

It's September - school's back in session.


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## Blondilocks

I'm just wondering how many 'positive experiences' it takes with random men before a woman starts to feel good about her sexuality. Is her feeling good about her sexuality contingent upon a constant influx of new partners?


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## SunCMars

ConanHub said:


> Write a story.


Ah, yeah. :smile2:

I tried that. 
My reward? The Red Queen took me out....not for lunch.

As I am often out of this world, the story met up with me THERE.

On some 'other' sunlit, barren plain, on some planet, not our own.

In 'hiney sight', it is good to be strange.

Vanilla, to be good, must be covered in sprinkles and kibbles.

Just Sayin'


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## SunCMars

Blondilocks said:


> I'm just wondering how many 'positive experiences' it takes with random men before *a woman* starts to feel good about her sexuality. Is her feeling good about her sexuality contingent upon a *constant influx of new partners?*


I hope not.
I fear that.

"A women.", luckily, is singular, and luckily, has no genetically imperative 'L's' attached to the "A", as in ALL.

Life can withstand a few percent of women like this....more power to them.

If their numbers go above: What, twenty percent? Then watch up-down, up-down, out.

At that juncture, Gabriel will resurrect, will tumble the tumblers into a crevasse so deep that none will re-reap the seeds of their Creation. 
And the rest of us saps with them.

We are a fleeting _Race_. Small, isolated, promised and guaranteed to no future. No future _Marathon_.


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## SunCMars

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> The husband and wife do have amazing sex. With or without it. It's an add on, not a replacement. The OM are simply toys they use to highten their sex lives.
> 
> The women don't feel degraded at all. It's a positive experience for them, feeling good about their sexuality.


To each their own.

...........................................................................

A fleeting life this sort be. 
So light, so at the edge, tingling.

Stimulated by hand, by kiss, by steady pulsing friction.
So light, not heavy.

And when it is past.
And when one is spent.

The light and not heavy.
Into a shallow, unremarkable grave one goes.


----------



## David51

My comment they they should try swinging was sarcastic and off the cuff. Who knew it would attract such response. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## NobodySpecial

VladDracul said:


> Gus, I believe that "series of narratives that seeks to give evolutionary validity to open/swinging/hotwife relationships" often comes from a bunch of cats whose wives want to do other guys and the husbands/boyfriends, ain't got what it takes to stop them and/or walk away from the relationship. It help them pretend they are not a bunch of puzzy whipped, cuckold, nincompoops.


I don't understand this therefore it must be wrong and the people who do stupid. Fixed that for you.


----------



## NobodySpecial

GusPolinski said:


> Plenty of places to go to read and/or talk about this crap.
> 
> "Not here" would be the best place to go.


Why not? This is a marriage board? The poster was posting about his marriage. Why is this the wrong place? 

Anyway, swinging as a solution to cheating is clearly not a great idea. But you're just a schmuck is not helpful to the OP. No wonder he has not been back.


----------



## NobodySpecial

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Typically the best part of these types of relationships are when the stag reclaims his wife as his. The sex between them after. So it's not just the watching that is the best part.


Everyone rolls differently. Remembering that no one has a lock on what this type of relationship is. If DH referred to himself as a stag, I would throw up all over him. I definitely would not call this "typical" in my circles.



> Anyone into the lifestyle should do a lot of research first.


This is a must do, of course. Quite a few good books out there.



> Have a trial run with open and honest communication after and very slowly add more in as both are ready.
> 
> And never, ever do it with someone who has cheated or shown bad boundaries. You need better boundaries than most to make an open marriage work so that is #1.


Amen to this in spades.


----------



## Jus260

NobodySpecial said:


> Why not? This is a marriage board? The poster was posting about his marriage. Why is this the wrong place?
> 
> Anyway, swinging as a solution to cheating is clearly not a great idea. But you're just a schmuck is not helpful to the OP. No wonder he has not been back.



It's a marriage board but swinging discussions most likely belong in the Sex and Marriage forum. This forum is for people who were cheated on and people who want to help them. 

If the OP wants to swing....if he likes it, I love it. It isn't for me but I won't tell a guy what to be into sexually. Sex with lots of people is actually enjoyed by some people. I don't get why people get so upset about what turns other people on.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Jus260 said:


> It's a marriage board but swinging discussions most likely belong in the Sex and Marriage forum. This forum is for people who were cheated on and people who want to help them.


He was cheated on. And he is looking for help.



> If the OP wants to swing....if he likes it, I love it. It isn't for me but I won't tell a guy what to be into sexually. Sex with lots of people is actually enjoyed by some people. I don't get why people get so upset about what turns other people on.


Well I think that the idea of swinging as a bad idea in this case might be useful information for a person in OP's situation to process. Otherwise I am with you.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Blondilocks said:


> I'm just wondering how many 'positive experiences' it takes with random men before a woman starts to feel good about her sexuality. Is her feeling good about her sexuality contingent upon a constant influx of new partners?


 I thought this was the definition of a ****. But I guees in today's age of applying whatever definition you want to any word it could be "freeing a woman's sexuality" to others.


----------



## NobodySpecial

MattMatt said:


> Not for me. And I suspect not for most men on TAM, too.


You know. There is at least one person on TAM for whom it may be. And the judgementalism of all the wonderful guys on TAM may have just scared the poor dude off.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Blondilocks said:


> I'm just wondering how many 'positive experiences' it takes with random men before a woman starts to feel good about her sexuality. Is her feeling good about her sexuality contingent upon a constant influx of new partners?


Why do people assume that the other people are "random"?


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

NobodySpecial said:


> Everyone rolls differently. Remembering that no one has a lock on what this type of relationship is. If DH referred to himself as a stag, I would throw up all over him. I definitely would not call this "typical" in my circles.
> 
> 
> This is a must do, of course. Quite a few good books out there.
> 
> 
> Amen to this in spades.


My bf would never call himself that. I use that term for him when discussing it with others so they understand he is not a into cuckholding and no degrading or humiliation is involved. I don't think I've ever even said it to him other than him seeing my ads and whatnot. 

But yes, the best part is certainly subjective and each will have their own. 
Watching my transformation (quiet, shy nice girl to .... not so much) is what mine enjoys.


----------



## MattMatt

NobodySpecial said:


> You know. There is at least one person on TAM for whom it may be. And the judgementalism of all the wonderful guys on TAM may have just scared the poor dude off.


I was not being judgemental. You. however, are. Which is somewhat ironic.


----------



## Blondilocks

Jus260 said:


> It's a marriage board but swinging discussions most likely belong in the Sex and Marriage forum. This forum is for people who were cheated on and people who want to help them.
> 
> If the OP wants to swing....if he likes it, I love it. It isn't for me but I won't tell a guy what to be into sexually. Sex with lots of people is actually enjoyed by some people. I don't get why people get so upset about what turns other people on.


I have a feeling that if a thread about grapefruit was started in the social forum, it would turn into a bdsm thread. You can't escape it, lately.


----------



## TAM2013

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't understand this therefore it must be wrong and the people who do stupid. Fixed that for you.


People behaving like demented chimpanzees is wrong. Fixed that for you.


----------



## NobodySpecial

TAM2013 said:


> People behaving like demented chimpanzees is wrong. Fixed that for you.


What psychologist diagnosed those chimps?  Cheers.


----------



## Windwalker

Blondilocks said:


> I have a feeling that if a thread about grapefruit was started in the social forum, it would turn into a bdsm thread. You can't escape it, lately.


I wish I could give you more than one like. Agreed, I thought this was TAM not fet-lite.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Blondilocks said:


> I have a feeling that if a thread about grapefruit was started in the social forum, it would turn into a bdsm thread. You can't escape it, lately.


I thought we were talking about, and you were replying to, sex and swinging. What does that have to do with BDSM?


----------



## TAM2013

NobodySpecial said:


> What psychologist diagnosed those chimps?  Cheers.


Back row, far right.

Cheers.


----------



## NobodySpecial

TAM2013 said:


> Back row, far right.
> 
> Cheers.


I wonder what the two grumpy ones up front have for professions.


----------



## ABHale

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> My bf would never call himself that. I use that term for him when discussing it with others so they understand he is not a into cuckholding and no degrading or humiliation is involved. I don't think I've ever even said it to him other than him seeing my ads and whatnot.
> 
> But yes, the best part is certainly subjective and each will have their own.
> Watching my transformation (quiet, shy nice girl to .... not so much) is what mine enjoys.


My eyes are opened. 

SGC I stand by my statement. I know what is said behind your back about you. I have lived in four different countries over the years and it's the same everywhere I have been. I have heard the talk the next day. I have heard the bragging and degrading comments about the girl involved. Before you say it's not like that, have you ever listen to the guys afterwards with them not knowing you are there?

Damn, best wishes SGC.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

ABHale said:


> My eyes are opened.
> 
> SGC I stand by my statement. I know what is said behind your back about you. I have lived in four different countries over the years and it's the same everywhere I have been. I have heard the talk the next day. I have heard the bragging and degrading comments about the girl involved. Before you say it's not like that, have you ever listen to the guys afterwards with them not knowing you are there?
> 
> Damn, best wishes SGC.


This assumes I care. I don't. They know the deal beforehand and it's all very clear. They are a toy, I don't care what he thinks as long as he does his job. 

This also assumes I think stuff like sl*t is negative, again I don't. I'm guessing if a guy doesn't like sl*ts he doesn't have to be with one. It's not like I hide it. 

The men I typically meet are in the lifestyle themselves. There are used to open women and often have done it before. I'm hardly rare. Open relationships in one sense or another are fairly typical in my circle. There are specific events and places people go for this sort of thing. 3 non-member places in my city alone. If you are there and judge the people and what they are doing, you're in the wrong place. 

TAM is extra judgey about it and I get it being a very pro mono-marriage site (moreso on the mens side than if the woman wanted to add a woman) but I am on several sex and kink sites and it's just another kink that isn't a big deal. There are all kinds of people doing all kinds of freaky things all around you. We just usually hide and stay to ourselves because the outside world is full of assumptions and judgements and shame like here.


----------



## Blondilocks

NobodySpecial said:


> I thought we were talking about, and you were replying to, sex and swinging. What does that have to do with BDSM?


I plead ignorance - didn't realize the term 'stag' referred to cheaters and swingers. We used to call that plain old whoring around.


----------



## ABHale

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> This assumes I care. I don't. They know the deal beforehand and it's all very clear. They are a toy, I don't care what he thinks as long as he does his job.
> 
> This also assumes I think stuff like sl*t is negative, again I don't. I'm guessing if a guy doesn't like sl*ts he doesn't have to be with one. It's not like I hide it.
> 
> The men I typically meet are in the lifestyle themselves. There are used to open women and often have done it before. I'm hardly rare. Open relationships in one sense or another are fairly typical in my circle. There are specific events and places people go for this sort of thing. 3 non-member places in my city alone. If you are there and judge the people and what they are doing, you're in the wrong place.
> 
> TAM is extra judgey about it and I get it being a very pro mono-marriage site (moreso on the mens side than if the woman wanted to add a woman) but I am on several sex and kink sites and it's just another kink that isn't a big deal. There are all kinds of people doing all kinds of freaky things all around you. We just usually hide and stay to ourselves because the outside world is full of assumptions and judgements and shame like here.


Sorry, wasn't trying to be judgmental.


----------



## Windwalker

Blondilocks said:


> I plead ignorance - didn't realize the term 'stag' referred to cheaters and swingers. We used to call that plain old whoring around.


Urban Dictionary - Sexually straight man who encourages his wife or girlfriend to also **** other men. A stag proudly shares his woman without being himself denied, humiliated, or sissified, nor does he engage in any bi-play with the other man.

Also known as a ****!


Marriam-Webster - Definition of stag
plural stags
1 or plural stag :an adult male red deer; also :the male of various other deer (especially genus Cervus)
2 chiefly Scotland :a young horse; especially :a young unbroken stallion
3 :a male animal castrated after sexual maturity — compare steer 1

#3 seems like pretty appropriate terminology to me.

By the way, it's still referred to as plain old whoring around to the un-cool kids.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

ABHale said:


> Sorry, wasn't trying to be judgmental.


See, I don't care. I'm 100% secure and happy with my choices. There was a time I was scared and not confident and could have been very hurt by things said. 

But the environment of judgement and shame around here is only hurtful to others who may thinking about some form of open marriage or in one. 

To me, there is no reason to judge anyone's sexuality as long as it is consensual. Period. 

You sit and talk to people in various forms of out of the box sexual relationships and they were shamed and scared to follow their wants. It took them a long time to feel ok. 
Some private meetings have been infiltrated and the people exposed. Pictures of them taken to publicly shame them. 

Live and let live. Just because someone doesn't understand a kink doesn't give them the right to talk badly about it or the people that do it. 
and this isn't just to you. This whole thread is judgement and trying to shame men and women. 

It's just really sad to see.


----------



## ABHale

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> See, I don't care. I'm 100% secure and happy with my choices. There was a time I was scared and not confident and could have been very hurt by things said.
> 
> But the environment of judgement and shame around here is only hurtful to others who may thinking about some form of open marriage or in one.
> 
> To me, there is no reason to judge anyone's sexuality as long as it is consensual. Period.
> 
> You sit and talk to people in various forms of out of the box sexual relationships and they were shamed and scared to follow their wants. It took them a long time to feel ok.
> Some private meetings have been infiltrated and the people exposed. Pictures of them taken to publicly shame them.
> 
> Live and let live. Just because someone doesn't understand a kink doesn't give them the right to talk badly about it or the people that do it.
> and this isn't just to you. This whole thread is judgement and trying to shame men and women.
> 
> It's just really sad to see.


SGC I apologize and I get another lecture. I think I made it clear I wasn't being judgmental from the post you started a month or so ago. It just wasn't my cup of tea. I didn't realize how far you were into stuff. 

Just be careful or selective with who you are with. I absolutely despise as called man that will drag a woman through the mud after being with them. This is all I meant, be careful who you are with. Because if they are going drag you through the mud afterwards they shouldn't get the pleasure to begin with.


----------



## Windwalker

I have been a member here since ealty 2014, but I can remember cruising and lurking here long before that, probably closer to mid 2012. I can't really see myself being special in that regards. I'm quite sure that there are many folks that have done the same. I do like this forum, but honestly don't really have much time to spend here.

The one things that has never really changed is that TAM is a pro marriage forum. To go even further, TAM is a pro marriage forum that focuses primarily on monogamous relationships. 

Is it for everyone? Nope, not even close. Are there people here who are into alternative forms of marriage? Yes, and for the most part they are respectful and add to the discussion as their unique situation allows. Fact is, I find @Married but Happy to be one of the members I highly respect for this reason. But let's not BS each other. There are some folks here that HAVE AN AGENDA TO PUSH. Normalization and pushing the "Overton window" There are other forums that specialize in alternative lifestyles. Please feel free to use those services. I'm sure that folks here will not mind.

As far as the judgemental comment goes, everyone is judgemental. I don't really care who or what you are or do. Everyone is judgemental about something. Socks, rocks, cocks and crocs. Someone has a judgment about something. So at the end of the day, hypocrisy be thy name.

Thread jack over.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Windwalker said:


> The one things that has never really changed is that TAM is a pro marriage forum. To go even further, TAM is a pro marriage forum that focuses primarily on monogamous relationships.


I can't say I understand this sentiment. It is somewhere between rare and non-existent when someone posts pro ENM stuff but simply reply when misinformation is spread. It is perfectly ok for people to cast aspersions based on bias and misinformation, but when someone challenges said misinformation the chorus of WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT arises. Why is that? What are you scared of?


----------



## pidge70

Maybe the OP hasn't been back because his thread has been seriously hijacked. 

Good grief, I've learned more about certain lifestyles than I ever wanted to.


----------



## Windwalker

NobodySpecial said:


> I can't say I understand this sentiment. It is somewhere between rare and non-existent when someone posts pro ENM stuff but simply reply when misinformation is spread. It is perfectly ok for people to cast aspersions based on bias and misinformation, but when someone challenges said misinformation the chorus of WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT arises. Why is that? What are you scared of?



This may be kind of wordy, so bare with me. 

The WHOLE post in question was to a statement made about how it seems that any discussion nowadays can and has at times turned into a discussion about BDSM. That's @Blondilocks particular perception, one that I can't necessarily disagree with. It does seem the discussions have a tendency to turn towards BDSM more than they have in the past. Now is there any proof of that? Don't know. I don't have access to site statistics that break down how often the discussions turn that direction if such a thing even exists. I guess it comes down to perception vs truth. Perception is reality. I don't know how many times I have heard that statement. Is it true? There must me a hint of truth to it as many times as I have heard it over the years. I don't know that I buy that 100%, but oh well. As far as BDSM goes, that has exspanded so much in the last 40 years that it encompasses so much now. 

Now let's get into your post. I don't honestly think you're arguing that The particular statement you quoted is not true. I DON'T UNDERSTAND what there is to understand about the statement. You could ask a 100 people and I'm confident that a very very large majority would agree with the statement. I would venture to guess upwards of over 95% would agree with the statement.

While I may be somewhat tempted to agree with you as to the rarity of a pro-ENM post it is absolutely unequivocally not, non-existent. Period. It goes back to people having an agenda to push. I can provide specific instances/people if that would make you happy. Some are extremely vocal about it. I have absolutely no problem doing that. Fact is, I have particular ones blocked and only see them when not signed in. 

It's my opinion and some people may not agree with it. I don't see where that makes me any different than anyone else on the planet. 

As far as the mis-information is spread part, there is no standard. There is no standards on any of it. While there may be some consensus on certain particulars, there are so many off-shoots of the things that we are talking about, that it's crazy. What exactly are you considering mis-information? On what standard is that based? Take for instance the concept of BDSM. There is no standard. Some people base their philosophy on SSC, some on RACK. Why? Because not everyone agrees with either formula. 

Biased? Everyone is biased about something. Points of view would almost cease to exist without biases. Eveey single experience adds to, exspands, and or changes an individuals biases.

As far as the casting of aspersions, who's casting aspersions? I specifically posted a definition that fits what some people were discussing. That I personally think those definitions are new-speak and political correct garbage is besides the point. People take words all the time and make up new definitions. How many new words and or definitions are added to the dictionary every year? More than none as evidenced by the updated list Marriam-Webster puts out every year. 

I'll be honest, I don't see a point to even discuss any non-monogamy on a pro-monogamous marriage based message board, but that's just me. For the most part, I try to avoid the conversation. Why? Because for me the concept of ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy, lol SMDH) is just that, a concept. A theory. Nothing more. It's my opinion, and thankfully, that opinion is just a valid and anyone else's. I just don't see how that benefits a marriage. I just don't. It may benefit a specific person within the marriage, or even in some cases both people, but not the marriage itself.

Scared? Not hardly. The only fear I have ever had was that my wife could take my kids from me. Based on observable facts from other divorces. That fear has long passed. What it does do is harms the fabric of traditional marriage and presents an alternative lifestyle that I feel destroys, disparages, and disrupts tradition marriage. While I have experienced both heaven and hell in my traditional marriage, (in the same one no less, first one was straight hell) I still believe that it is the best way to raise children and achieve a happy life as long as the person is extra vigilant in their choosing of a spouce. Is it for everyone? Nope, not by a long shot. Fact is I feel that it is going by the wayside and unfortunately there is evidence to back that statement up. Do I want my children to experience it? Yes, as long as they can make the right decisions and put the right protections in place, and with the grace of God, not screw it up.

Make absolutely no mistake, I am a defender of traditional marriage.

Just my opinions, but if not for opinions, this message board may not even exist. 

End thread Jack.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Windwalker said:


> This may be kind of wordy, so bare with me.
> 
> The WHOLE post in question was to a statement made about how it seems that any discussion nowadays can and has at times turned into a discussion about BDSM. That's @Blondilocks particular perception, one that I can't necessarily disagree with. It does seem the discussions have a tendency to turn towards BDSM more than they have in the past. Now is there any proof of that? Don't know. I don't have access to site statistics that break down how often the discussions turn that direction if such a thing even exists. I guess it comes down to perception vs truth. Perception is reality. I don't know how many times I have heard that statement. Is it true? There must me a hint of truth to it as many times as I have heard it over the years. I don't know that I buy that 100%, but oh well. As far as BDSM goes, that has exspanded so much in the last 40 years that it encompasses so much now.
> 
> Now let's get into your post. I don't honestly think you're arguing that The particular statement you quoted is not true. I DON'T UNDERSTAND what there is to understand about the statement.


To be clear, what I don't understand is why it is important to silence minority opinion.


Back in the day of unmoderated usnet, I was fortunate that minority opinions were not silenced. One might even say it saved my marriage. (It had nothing to do with kink and certainly nothing to do with BDSM at that time.) 

One who is not in the majority may want marital help as well.


> ...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It goes back to people having an agenda to push.


I don't see it. I see people replying. I do see one person who is prolific in their replies. But replies they remain.
...



> As far as the mis-information is spread part, there is no standard. There is no standards on any of it. While there may be some consensus on certain particulars, there are so many off-shoots of the things that we are talking about, that it's crazy. What exactly are you considering mis-information?


The derision around people with these non-majority views are mentally unhealthy. The oft touted motivation of getting fresh. The cheating equivalence.



> On what standard is that based? Take for instance the concept of BDSM. There is no standard. Some people base their philosophy on SSC, some on RACK. Why? Because not everyone agrees with either formula.


I am one who ... in minority view... often challenges the notion that formulas and standards in relationships are not useful.
...



> I'll be honest, I don't see a point to even discuss any non-monogamy on a pro-monogamous marriage based message board, but that's just me. For the most part, I try to avoid the conversation. Why? Because for me the concept of ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy, lol SMDH) is just that, a concept. A theory.


This board actually only has MARRIAGE in its title. It does not assert anywhere in their terms of service that ENM is not to be discussed. Heck, there is nothing about LTRs that do not include marriage. But those are ok because they don't challenge the notion for one penis for every vagina. FOR YOU ENM is a theory. That's fine. For many, many people who are married, the concept of opening up comes up. It comes up a lot. For many of us, it is not a theory. It is the way we live. And get this. We are married and sometimes we talk about it ... so let's talk about marriage.

A person comes on here and says something that the mythical "normal" or "common" man does not feel and they are slammed as some kind of freak. How is that helpful?


----------



## Windwalker

NobodySpecial said:


> To be clear, what I don't understand is why it is important to silence minority opinion.
> 
> Who specifically is squelching and silencing minority opinion? It's not me, I can acknowledge that there are other forms of marriage. I can also disagree and pick apart the reasoning and analyze the factors and present a reasonable argument of why its poppy-****! So I know well you are not specifically talking about me.
> 
> Back in the day of unmoderated usnet, I was fortunate that minority opinions were not silenced. One might even say it saved my marriage. (It had nothing to do with kink and certainly nothing to do with BDSM at that time.)
> 
> One who is not in the majority may want marital help as well.
> 
> Ok. What is your suggestion for rectifying this situation? Starting a thread? Suggestions to the mods that they open a new section specifically geared towards this? Do so. I solemnly promise you that I won't ever show up there.
> 
> Here's the thing. It strikes my as hilarious and and the epitome of disingenuous to sit there and say that this site has the resources for the alternative lifestyles. Hell, the big proponents don't even have the balls to post links to the available resources or say hey, I have resources available and here's what you should do. It usually ends up being a epic source of verbal diarrhea. What's funny is it took all of 10 seconds in a search engine for me to find a list of resources big enough to choke a dog with. Including discussion forums specifically for that lifestyle.
> 
> 
> I don't see it. I see people replying. I do see one person who is prolific in their replies. But replies they remain.
> 
> You don't see it, because you choose not to. I see it and others see it. That much is blatantly obvious. So, really who is this such prolific poster. I can think of more than one easily. So let's hear it. Your bluff is being called.
> 
> 
> The derision around people with these non-majority views are mentally unhealthy. The oft touted motivation of getting fresh. The cheating equivalence.
> 
> 
> What you are arguing is acceptance. And it's malarkey. I can acknowledge all kinds of things without giving them acceptance. But you know, that's a major cultural theme nowadays. Everyone has to accept everyone and everything and it all free love and hippy BS. The 60s called and they want their philosophies back.
> 
> "The cheating equivalence."
> Not going to argue that. The thought of swapping partners is the equivalent of cheating, FOR ME ANYWAYS.
> 
> 
> I am one who ... in minority view... often challenges the notion that formulas and standards in relationships are not useful.
> 
> 
> 
> This board actually only has MARRIAGE in its title. It does not assert anywhere in their terms of service that ENM is not to be discussed. Heck, there is nothing about LTRs that do not include marriage. But those are ok because they don't challenge the notion for one penis for every vagina. FOR YOU ENM is a theory. That's fine. For many, many people who are married, the concept of opening up comes up. It comes up a lot. For many of us, it is not a theory. It is the way we live. And get this. We are married and sometimes we talk about it ... so let's talk about marriage.
> 
> A person comes on here and says something that the mythical "normal" or "common" man does not feel and they are slammed as some kind of freak. How is that helpful?
> 
> Well it's about time we got to the point. I was starting to get bored.
> 
> I looked at the T. O. S. for the site before I ever wrote that last post. I was not basing my statement from the T. O. S. I based my statement of the fact that the subject matter and topics discussed here are and have been weighted extremely heavily towards pro-monogamous marriage.
> 
> Yep, I think we finally got to the whole reason you appear to be upset. The horrible one penis/one vagina people. Look, I don't rightly care how many penis go into how many vagina. All that matters to me is that MY penis goes ONLY into my WIFE'S vagina and that HER vagina only goes over MY penis. I have stated over and over, it's MY OPINION.
> 
> Well at least now we are getting somewhere. The thing that scares me is that it only took 4 times for me to explicitly say that it was my opinion before you screamed it back at me. If I had only said it twice I would be scared you might not have gotten the hint. SMDH.
> 
> Let's see, marriage of 20 years and the only time the subject of opening a marriage up was because of a post at this website. We talked about the thread, but I can assure you that in less than 5 seconds we both in agreement that we could not, and would not even entertain the thought of that. 1000% agreement. Even if she did want to consider it later on, I would nuke it so fast and so hard it would make an atom bomb look like a firecracker. I don't control her, but if she wants to do that, she better hope the good lord keeps the door from hitting her in the ass on the way out the door.
> 
> Talk all you want. Start a your own thread. No one is stopping you. This OP/OV person (yeah, I'm trademarking that one.) will not be there as, there is absolutely nothing I could possibly add to that discussion.
> 
> Here's an original thought. If you started a thread on this subject instead on all the venom, vitriol, and indignant righteousness, it just might help that person who is looking for help. It's a win-win-win scenario. You get a thread, they get help, and the boards get one less epic failure of a thread like this one.


----------



## bankshot1993

@NobodySpecial and @SlowlyGoingCrazy, I applaud you for speaking out despite knowing it would be against popular opinion and standing by your beliefs, good for you.


I've always found it funny how many marriages fall apart because of incompatible sexual interests. We have a society that constantly **** shames women for embracing their sexuality and their sexual empowerment and then us men act surprised when we end up with a wife that is sexually repressed.

I'm not advocating for or against open relationships or non monogamy but I sure am advocating for the freedom to speak ones mind about it without be lambasted for having an opinion or view that is different from the masses. Maybe if all people, men and women, were a little more comfortable talking openly about their sexuality and their interests without fear of being judged by their friends, spouses and peers maybe we wouldn't see so many issues with sexual dysfunction in so many marriages.


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## Rubix Cubed

> "A person comes on here and says something that the mythical "normal" or "common" man does not feel and they are slammed as some kind of freak. How is that helpful?"
> 
> Well it's about time we got to the point. I was starting to get bored.
> 
> I looked at the T. O. S. for the site before I ever wrote that last post. I was not basing my statement from the T. O. S. I based my statement of the fact that the subject matter and topics discussed here are and have been weighted extremely heavily towards pro-monogamous marriage.
> 
> Yep, I think we finally got to the whole reason you appear to be upset. The horrible one penis/one vagina people. Look, I don't rightly care how many penis go into how many vagina. All that matters to me is that MY penis goes ONLY into my WIFE'S vagina and that HER vagina only goes over MY penis. I have stated over and over, it's MY OPINION.
> 
> Well at least now we are getting somewhere. The thing that scares me is that it only took 4 times for me to explicitly say that it was my opinion before you screamed it back at me. If I had only said it twice I would be scared you might not have gotten the hint. SMDH.
> 
> Let's see, marriage of 20 years and the only time the subject of opening a marriage up was because of a post at this website. We talked about the thread, but I can assure you that in less than 5 seconds we both in agreement that we could not, and would not even entertain the thought of that. 1000% agreement. Even if she did want to consider it later on, I would nuke it so fast and so hard it would make an atom bomb look like a firecracker. I don't control her, but if she wants to do that, she better hope the good lord keeps the door from hitting her in the ass on the way out the door.
> 
> Talk all you want. Start a your own thread. No one is stopping you. This OP/OV person (yeah, I'm trademarking that one.) will not be there as, there is absolutely nothing I could possibly add to that discussion.
> 
> Here's an original thought. If you started a thread on this subject instead on all the venom, vitriol, and indignant righteousness, it just might help that person who is looking for help. It's a win-win-win scenario. You get a thread, they get help, and the boards get one less epic failure of a thread like this one.


 @Windwalker was it you that mentioned the Overton Window awhile back? If so ,that seems like an astute observation.


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## Windwalker

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Windwalker was it you that mentioned the Overton Window awhile back? If so ,that seems like an astute observation.


Yes it was. Although mostly a term used in political discourse, it can be applied to any conversion.


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## NobodySpecial

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Windwalker was it you that mentioned the Overton Window awhile back? If so ,that seems like an astute observation.


Astute in what way? If you want to sell your stance so you can sell votes? I could not care less about an idea's viability or acceptance. It is still acceptable and viable to espouse things that I think are just wrong. It is what it is.


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## Rubix Cubed

NobodySpecial said:


> Astute in what way? If you want to sell your stance so you can sell votes? I could not care less about an idea's viability or acceptance. It is still acceptable and viable to espouse things that I think are just wrong. It is what it is.


 I thought what I originally posted was pretty self explanatory.
It was astute in that he called this for what it is. You and SGC have been pushing your stance on this so it's obvious that you feel it's acceptable and you want to browbeat everyone else into accepting it, hence an astute observation of the Overton Window in practice.


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## NobodySpecial

Rubix Cubed said:


> I thought what I originally posted was pretty self explanatory.
> It was astute in that he called this for what it is. You and SGC have been pushing your stance on this so it's obvious that you feel it's acceptable and you want to browbeat everyone else into accepting it, hence an astute observation of the Overton Window in practice.


I am not sure how replying to others' posts is any more browbeating than anyone else' reply to any other post.. I am kind of glad others did not either or I would never have learned what I did.


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