# Your friends during divorce... easier or harder to deal with???



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

I have some of the best of friends! With that being said, the one's that are truly meaningful only know what I'm going through by phone because of there distance or obligations. The others are close, but I'm afraid to open up to alot of them. 
Today was my first Saturday alone (without family) after everything. So here's my dilema, I went out tonight, reaching out to one particular girlfriend. She came over right away and we talked about me for just a moment and then she started telling me all about her marital problems over the years (16+) and about her affair. I really like this friend so no judgement has ever been made about her decision, but she kept mentioning her stuff as to tell me, watch out, yours might be leaving because of this. 
Then another friend reached out tonight so I met with her... again I got the "I see other men and I'm cool with it." I was so torn, because these are girls that are both meaningful to me. Both were at my wedding and yet both are still married telling me they both have and are still cheating weather physically or mentally. 
I never made any judgement on what they were saying and kinda just smiled as they spoke because I was just in awe how easily they felt this was ok to do. 
My thought was ..."Ok, here is my situation that I'm telling them about and they are telling me about still being "happily married" and cheating"... I don't get it? 
I still love them (my friends,) and would never judge them because I don't know what they have gone through. But I fear if I continue meeting up with friends with this type of thought process that I will again be there, in a dysfunctional situation... not for this relationship, but future one's. 
I never knew the extent of my friends situations, but I guess since they think I'm soon to be single, they felt open to tell me. I'm torn. I wonder if any of my friends single or not, are ever gonna believe in marriage the way that I still do. 
Just venting here... Anyone who knows what I'm talking about feel free to let me know your thoughts. Thanks


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

Yes. It's kind of like being an alcoholic in recovery. You need to stay away from the alcohol AND the people who you drank with. You can love these girls, but may need to keep your distance since their beliefs are fundamentally different from yours. You will (if not already) grow increasingly more uncomfortable with them, so I would ease up. There ARE people in your life AND out here who believe in marriage, and being true to one's spouse. Hold out for those friends. Good luck


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

I must admit, I have withdrawn from my friends a little since it all happened. I see my work friends because they weren't really involved with my husband, they only really have a history with me so it's easy.

My friends who socialized with both of us I find harder to deal with. One I feel slightly embarrassed by it all, this was the man I built up to them, they watched me stand before them and make my vows, they knew how much I invested in him and now know how he treated me...this is all in my head not one of them has judged me in any way. Secondly I find they either pretend nothing has happened and just ignore the whole thing or want to go over every sordid detail in depth. I don't feel I can relax like I can with my work friends. 

I think in time like all the rest of the mess we find ourselves in, it will all sort itself out. Everything needs time to heal.


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## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

Thank you for your feedback. I do see where I'm going to have to be very selective with who I share my situation with. Some friends seem so sad for me. But sometimes I think, maybe they are happy now that I'm single again. Other's are truly sorry that I'm upset. It's another hard aspect of all this because at the end of the day, I do want company sometimes, especially on weekends.


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