# Were you present for the birth of your children?



## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out. 

He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him. 

In my mind, I feel I am the one with more to fear. To become pregnant at all was a huge step for me, as I have a full on phobia of child birth. Getting cut open while conscious comes in second but I would much prefer this than natural birth. I feel like I am the one facing my biggest fesrsvin life for him and I want him to be there for me. But now second guessing myself.

Does he need to man the F up or do I need to be sensitive to his needs here?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

QuietSoul said:


> Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out.
> 
> He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him.
> 
> ...


Personally I think he ought to man the f*ck up.

Additionally, I fail to see how him _not_ being there for you _while his child is being pulled out of you_ can legitimately be qualified as a "need".


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I was there for the birth of all of my children, four of them by C-section.

If a big sissy like me can deal with it, anyone can.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If he can't be there he shouldn't have got you pregnant.

He sounds like a boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

You betcha I was there. I carried my son from the delivery room to the nursery. I still have the surgical scrubs I wore when I carried him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I was there for both, held a leg, ring side seat. Some here will tell you that men have nothing to do when it comes to the birth of kids. I'm glad to see you're one of the good ones who feel men have a part in the entire process. Just tell him I understand your concerned, so am I, so get your ass in the room cause this is a family thing. Honestly I bet he would regret it if he wasn't in there. 

Can you have him talk to other guys to alleviate some of his fears about what will go down that day?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I was there for both. And let me tell you, there is NO sound more horrifying for a husband to hear than that of his wife getting an episiotomy. But a Real Man will be there.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

If it's blood and viscera he's worried about, he can keep behind the curtain with you, reassuring you. From my experience, you have to lean a little back to see around it to what's going on. Maybe if he's that squeamish, let the nurse or something know he's a fainting risk, though.. that sort of thing can be a real pain during a complex procedure.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I was there for both of my kids. Never felt more useless in my life from the start of her labor to delivery. I think it's the only time when a 6'5" 300 pound man can be married to a 4'11" 90 pound woman and if you cross her path just once she can get out of that bed and whip you a$$ in a heartbeat. 

But the end result is something to see when your child takes their first breath and you get to see he/she for the first time. Makes you feel like your the only one in the world with a son or daughter.

Best thing I can tell you is that if he declines to be there, he's only cheating himself out of something that you'll never forget. I would be sad. I wish I could tell him that in person and maybe if he saw and heard me it would change his mind.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Idk, I was there for my son's birth, it was natural, and awesome.

I might not have been in the room for a caesarian.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've never been present for a Cesarean. I am the veteran of 4 natural childbirths so mark me down for another vote for dad should be there. I had a coworker who did faint at some of his children's births, but he still was there. He did think his daughter (single mom) was a bit unthinking to ask him to attend her. I'm pretty sure he went anyway, but said there are things a dad shouldn't see.

So to give you the benefit of my pithy wisdom: Dad should be there for the delivery. reason 1 To bond with the newborn. reason 2 To support his wife. Reason 3 To experience the whole pregnancy. Reason 4 Because facing fears is how we deal with them, not hiding from them.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

both my sons were c sections and I was there for both of them.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Back in the olden days, dads used to drop off moms at the hospital and come back a few days later to pick up the bundle of joy. Its been done that way for eons of human evolution. Why fight evolution, I say. Just to be politically correct, or show somehow you're "sensitive". 

Bah.


Also, keep in mind the act of physically watching the baby popping out like a watermelon seed could potentially emotionally scar you for life, resulting in an inability to perform oral sex on your wife ever again due to that mental image. Like something out of Aliens.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

All three of my kids were born via c-section. The first two, my husband was there. The last one, he was dealing with his own psychological issues, unrelated to having the baby. So, he wasn't there when the last one was born. I wish he had been, so does he. I think your husband should be there.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've had two c-sections and have been present for an additional one. How much your husband sees can be controlled. He doesn't have to see anything at all, really. C-sections can be a bit shocking because they take a lot of body parts out of your body and lay them on your chest so that they can reach the uterus. If he's not expecting that, it would be a really big shock. They put a curtain up that you really do have to strain to see around (in fact, I broke the rules by looking when I was a spectator). He could even request not to see the slimy baby until he/she is cleaned off a bit. He will thoroughly regret it if he is not there, in my opinion. 

Congrats on the upcoming birth . My advice to all c-section moms:

1. Bring grannie panties to wear home. Bikinis won't work/feel good against the incision/staples.
2. Colace! Pain meds make you constipated.
3. When getting out of bed, look up at the ceiling and breathe deeply. Helps with the pain.
4. Make sure you ask the dr. to hold the baby up over the curtain for you to see (if you and your husband agree on that) after he/she is born. I didn't see either one of my babies until they were all bundled up because they were not held up for me and I really feel like I missed out.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I was there for the birth of my two boys and I simply wouldn't have missed either of those blessed events for anything in the world!

I too, got to snip the umbilical cords, which was something extremely special!*


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I was at the birth of each of our boys. 

After the baby comes out...stop looking down there...he wont want to see the rest. Learned my lesson after the first one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

3 C-sections. I was there for each one. I even recorded the first one, despite the doctor's consternation. I go back and watch it from time to time.

One thing to prepare yourself for--the anesthesia they use frequently gives women the sensation that they've stopped breathing. Don't panic--you're still breathing, you just cant feel it.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

QuietSoul said:


> Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out.
> 
> He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him.
> 
> ...


Tell him to get the F over himself!


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

I was present at the birth for two of my children. I was the one who cut their umbilical cord. She was delivering both kids "naturally" so the process shell we say is bit messy. If you are not comfortable with blood and things, you better stay out of it. My wife liked the fact that I was with her and essentially telephoned the whole progress. She had a spinal tap, so she lost all feelings down there and actually needed some process monitoring and guidelines. For me it was a great experience, to be closely involved with kids birth. In essence I was there at the beginning "fun part", and at the conclusion of pregnancy "serious business". Again, be warned it looks gory.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I was there for all my 3 sons. I even delivered the 3rd one and did the episiotomy. All regular deliveries. Even though we are divorced now, I cherish those moments. They can do the cesarean behind a screen and hand you your baby. Do not squander your chance for this moment.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I was there for all 3. Wife for whatever reason delayed getting the epidural for the 3rd and then it was too late ... some scary $hit went on lol.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

QuietSoul said:


> Were you present for the birth of your children?


Yes. --Was even allowed to cut the cords and would not have missed it for all the riches of Solomon. 




QuietSoul said:


> Does he need to man the F up or do I need to be sensitive to his needs here?


Depends. Some people faint dead away at the mere sight of a needle and this includes even big, strong men. It's not the stereotype, but it's no less true for that.

I have to admit the sight of an episiotomy being performed for the first time is forever burned into my brain, but I had also seen much worse at that point in life.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I helped with one of her C-sections. "Here can you hold this? My earring dropped into your wife."


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

I keep my Leatherman MUT on me at all times, so I can perform a C Section upon a moment's notice, if necessary!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> 3 C-sections. I was there for each one. I even recorded the first one, despite the doctor's consternation. I go back and watch it from time to time.
> 
> One thing to prepare yourself for--*the anesthesia they use frequently gives women the sensation that they've stopped breathing. * Don't panic--you're still breathing, you just cant feel it.


I thought about mentioning this, too. I wouldn't describe it as "stopping breathing" necessarily, but that the anesthesia is going too far up into the chest and is making it really HARD to breathe and you start to fear it make cut off your breathing. Like bricks are on the chest. This is when the reassurance of the anesthesiologist is really needed, and where the husband would also be a huge comfort!! It's not a fun feeling and can make you feel panicky, especially since your arms are strapped down.

Oh, also, the extreme shaking you will experience in the recovery room. I think it is withdrawal of some sort, but it's super annoying. Make sure you ask for lots of warm blankets.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out.
> 
> He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him.
> 
> ...


I was. In my opinion if he's worried he will pass out or something then he should have a chair but he should be there anyway. This isn't a close call to me. Man up, spouse up, dad up, whatever you want to call it he should step up.


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

I can't imagine a more important time to be there for your wife, and child.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Constable Odo said:


> Back in the olden days, dads used to drop off moms at the hospital and come back a few days later to pick up the bundle of joy. Its been done that way for eons of human evolution. Why fight evolution, I say. Just to be politically correct, or show somehow you're "sensitive".
> 
> Bah.
> 
> ...


Is this speculation or personal experience. I've not real any threads about traumatized men who've seen to much due to child birth so it must be really rare and I don't buy into the argument of 'it's always been that way'.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MarriedDude said:


> I was at the birth of each of our boys.
> 
> After the baby comes out...stop looking down there...he wont want to see the rest. Learned my lesson after the first one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea you really don't want to see the placenta. It's best not to see that although I did with son #1. Still my eyes didn't bleed.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

My wife had two c sections. The first one I wasnt even allowed in the operating room. The second c section, I was there holding her hand the entire time. They wouldnt let me see anything anyway. They had a sheet as a partition so I couldnt see anything. The doctor wouldnt allow it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

4x4 said:


> I can't imagine a more important time to be there for your wife, and child.


And for himself. Seeing my kids born is still the single greatest experience of mylife.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

I was there with ex-wife with a natural birth, I found it quite disturbing but I consider it essential support. I also grant maternal leave for fathers as well as mothers in my business, to encourage men to be with their partners at this crucial time of their lives.

Still... a caesarian section... not sure I would like to watch that, if a sheet is covered where I could still hold her hand, then sure. But ACK! So many C-sections WTF?!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I was there with ex-wife with a natural birth, I found it quite disturbing but I consider it essential support. I also grant maternal leave for fathers as well as mothers in my business, to encourage men to be with their partners at this crucial time of their lives.
> 
> Still... a caesarian section... not sure I would like to watch that, if a sheet is covered where I could still hold her hand, then sure. But ACK! So many C-sections WTF?!


Well, in my case, it wasn't intended with the first child, but my blood pressure was high, doctor was concerned, and I gained 8 pounds overnight. I wasn't in labor, but the baby needed to be taken out. He was concerned that my blood pressure would spike during labor. So, I consented to c-section. With my second, I intended vbac, but I was in a different state, different doctor, and since he didn't know all the history, he scheduled a c-section... for the day before my due date. Third baby was in another state, again, and since I had 2 c-sections already, I wasn't comfortable attempting a vbac at that time.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I was there for all of them. A C-section, 2 vaginal, a stillbirth, and a final C-section. I'm not squeamish though and peeked around the curtain during both C-sections.

One thing to be careful about: If your husband goes to be with the baby at the warmer, he's going to have a very good view of them sewing you back up.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> I was there for all of them. A C-section, 2 vaginal, a stillbirth, and a final C-section. I'm not squeamish though and peeked around the curtain during both C-sections.


I wished I could have peeked around the curtain too, but didn't want to risk getting kicked out of the OR and getting into trouble. Doc was a major and I was a staff sergeant at the time so I followed orders. :frown2:


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## jc0187 (Feb 16, 2013)

QuietSoul said:


> Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out.
> 
> He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him.
> 
> ...


In my opinion, yes, be needs to man the F up! My fiance and I just had our first nearly a month ago. The day before our daughter was born was a normal day for anyone 9 months pregnant. We went into the hospital for a gel process that would help the cervix soften up. Then labor accured. The contractions were causing baby's heart rate to lower. This caused us to get another ultrasound, which revealed that my fiances amniotic fluid was very low. She was admitted, and 12 hours later, an emergency c section. I was there. For the whole event. I didn't really want to be in the room while the operation was going on, but I also did. I went into the room without thinking about it. I watched my little girl come out. Got to hold her and cut the cord. What a feeling! He will regret not going in.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

As others said, man up!! I was there at all c-sections. You really don't see anything. I sat on a stool by my wife's head and just held her hand so she felt secure. The surgery drape keeps you from seeing anything unless you decide to stand up and look.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Can't be any worse than an episode of The Walking Dead.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Was present when both my kids were born via C-section. They had a cloth draped up a foot or so high at her neck and I sat in a chair next to her head so if I didn't want to see anything I didn't have too. I wanted to and stood up to watch. I was an EMT once and the miracle of birth will never cease to amaze me.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

My husband was there for 3 natural and 2 c sections. He hates anything to do with blood, poop, puke or "ick".


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

My husband was there for all the births, he was completely useless and actually added more stress for me. He's squeamish and stood there like a deer in headlights. I wish I had brought somebody that would have been supportive and reassuring for me. He wanted to "be there" for me though. I've never told him this either, I just now know that medical procedures, emergencies, etc are not his forte.

If you think your husband can't handle it think about asking somebody that would be helpful to you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> My husband was there for all the births, he was completely useless and actually added more stress for me. He's squeamish and stood there like a deer in headlights. I wish I had brought somebody that would have been supportive and reassuring for me. He wanted to "be there" for me though. I've never told him this either, I just now know that medical procedures, emergencies, etc are not his forte.
> 
> If you think your husband can't handle it think about asking somebody that would be helpful to you.


Were yours natural or c-section, though?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

bbdad said:


> As others said, man up!! I was there at all c-sections. You really don't see anything. I sat on a stool by my wife's head and just held her hand so she felt secure. The surgery drape keeps you from seeing anything unless you decide to stand up and look.


Sounds like a c-section is actually easier for non-medical types than a normal birth with an episiotomy, stitching, placenta harvesting, etc., etc. 

Who knew?


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Were yours natural or c-section, though?


Three vaginal, one emergency c-section. He was pretty much useless for all of them. It would have been fine had he been there as well as somebody to support me, a duola or an experienced female friend or relative. Somebody that had been there and done that to advise, encourage, soothe etc. 

As it was I had to reassure him I was fine between contractions and remind him to breathe and not lock his knees. The third and fourth times were easier than the first two, I'm pretty independent so by then I knew what to expect and was ok on my own.

My brother always says if you can gut a deer you can watch a c-section...


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

QuietSoul said:


> Married 7 years, I am pregnant with our first bub, due to have C section in 5 weeks. I have been talking with H about the day and how I want him to be with me during the procedure and present for when they pull the baby out.
> 
> He is feeling really uncomfortable about it. He us one of those guys who can't handle period talk and I don't think it would be easy for him.
> 
> ...


Hi quiet soul. My wife have birth to our daughter 9 days ago and i was there. The only circumstances where i wouldn't have been there was if she had a strong preference against it. It is my partner going through labour and my child being born so of course i wanted to be there.

The whole experience was stressful, draining, worrying and ultimately caused me to explode in tears of pent up emotion as the baby was delivered with assistance and used her lungs for the first time.

Honestly there is no experience to compare it to. Hope your pregnancy and labour go well and your husband fully supports you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

What's funny is my husband hates the sight of blood, hates needles. Had no problem in the c-sections. The only reason he wasn't in the OR with the last one is because he was having other issues, mental health related. But he was at the hospital, in my room. And he was the first to bathe our youngest. I wish he had been in there, but am glad he was, at the very least, at the hospital. For me, though, I would never think of someone other than my husband being in the room. Even my mom. As much as I loved her, my husband was the one who belonged in there. He's the one who, I felt, should see our children before others (except medical personnel, of course). But that's me.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I was in the room but I did not go look at the actual process of it happening. The Dr told me it was fine if I wanted to walk around and look...I just got that deer in the headlight look and stated, no thanks after a few seconds.

My 2nd child was the funniest. My mother's side carries the recessive albino gene on her side of the family. Her cousins has it, she has it, a couple of uncles and aunts, about a half dozen of my cousins/nieces/nephews have it.

When my 2nd daughter came out, I heard the head nurse say, "Ohhhhhhhh....then caught herself by not saying more. My daughter was born very white and had blondish hair mixed with darker hair. And yes she looked mixed lol.... I'm pretty sure that nurse was talking to all the nurses that night and going home to her husband and relating the story of 2 Asian parents having a kid who looked half Asian and half Caucasian.

The funny things is, almost all of the ones who have it look almost the same. They could all pass for siblings...Could be some Caucasian ghost impregnating our women from time to time  Even my daughter looks similar to my mom when she was little.

Oh side, note, for my 1st kid my wife couldn't push her out so they had to use a suction to get my kid out. When she popped out, I was horrified cuz she was basically Conehead's daughter...The doctor saw my look of horror and proceeded to try and calm me down and tell me it's normal and her head will return back to a normal looking head......


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