# social media sharing



## grey2020 (May 17, 2020)

I need advice on something that is causing tension in my relationship. My partner goes through my phone's photo album and selects pics mostly of our son (but not always) and sends them out to family and his friends. I have asked him numerous times to please ask me before he takes photos from my phone as I'm a private person and don't want to share everything (even every photo of our son) and I like to save some photos to make a photo book for family each year. He says that he won't ask me because he should have the right to share pics from my phone especially if it's our son. He may think the photo is ok to share, but I may not feel comfortable with it and feel since it's on my phone I should have the right to decide.

I changed the password on my phone so he can't access my photo album and he later changed the password on his phone too. I feel that this is a simple request for him to just check with me and respect my answer if I say no before he shares pics from my phone and then I would be ok with him having my password. He feels that this whole thing is so important to me that I would change my password on my phone and that is ridiculous. How should we handle this?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You need to come to some sort of compromise with your partner, which it sounds like you are willing to do but he isn't yet. Neither of you are necessarily in the wrong (one being a sharer and the other private) but you need to communicate better and find a balance. Your partner sounds like he isn't listening to you, is dismissing your feelings, and is throwing a bit of a tantrum when things aren't going his way. 

Have you sat down and told him WHY you don't want these pictures to be shared? Not just "I'm a private person and I'm saving them for photo albums" but the emotions behind it? Why you are a private person, how you feel when that privacy is invaded, what you feel when the pictures are shared, what you feel when the photobook pictures are used up, etc. 

When you do talk to him, it shouldn't start off with "you". "When you...", "You never...", "You always...", "Can you...", or "You make me feel...". That will most likely make him defensive and start a fight. Instead, turn the focus to yourself and use "I" statements instead. "I feel *__* when you *____* because *__*. 

Have you discussed why sharing pictures is so important to him? Why he feels he has the right to share pictures from YOUR phone? 

What if every X amount of time (weekly, monthly, etc) you sit down TOGETHER and choose what pictures can be sent? That way he doesn't have to ask, it becomes routine and you are part of the process? Tell him you would like to be part of that process as well. Tell him it's fun to look at the pictures together. 

IMO, if he isn't willing to find a resolution here and isn't willing to respect your boundaries, then he doesn't get access to your phone. Tough titties until he can learn to compromise. You are not saying "no pictures", you are saying "ask me first". He is the one being unreasonable, not you - based on what you've written.


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## grey2020 (May 17, 2020)

bobert said:


> You need to come to some sort of compromise with your partner, which it sounds like you are willing to do but he isn't yet. Neither of you are necessarily in the wrong (one being a sharer and the other private) but you need to communicate better and find a balance. Your partner sounds like he isn't listening to you, is dismissing your feelings, and is throwing a bit of a tantrum when things aren't going his way.
> 
> Have you sat down and told him WHY you don't want these pictures to be shared? Not just "I'm a private person and I'm saving them for photo albums" but the emotions behind it? Why you are a private person, how you feel when that privacy is invaded, what you feel when the pictures are shared, what you feel when the photobook pictures are used up, etc.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for sharing this advice. This situation has caused a lot of distress in my relationship and I needed to reach out to get other opinions. Yeah, I've given thought to why I don't want the pics shared and I don't feel it's necessary to share everything we do with our son and I think it's ok to keep certain things/events to ourselves. He wants to pretty much share all photos that I take of our son. From my point of view, I don't understand why it isn't enough to share photos from his photo album and let me share what I want to share with MY phone.

I like your idea about us sitting together to decide what photos should be sent out. But I don't think he will be open to that because he feels that he shouldn't need to ask me or we collaborate on sharing photos from my phone.

Since the photos are pics of our son, he feels that I should be ok to share them with family and therefore has the right to do whatever he wants with them.

Recently he got access to my phone and copied a bunch of pics to himself to share with family. I caught this before he had a chance to send them out and I deleted the texts from my phone. He got furious with me and said that I keep doing things that sabotage our relationship and that I changed the password on my phone.

I'm not trying to cause him distress but I feel he's not respecting my boundaries and what I'm asking isn't unreasonable.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> Thank you so much for sharing this advice. This situation has caused a lot of distress in my relationship and I needed to reach out to get other opinions. Yeah, I've given thought to why I don't want the pics shared and I don't feel it's necessary to share everything we do with our son and I think it's ok to keep certain things/events to ourselves. He wants to pretty much share all photos that I take of our son. From my point of view, I don't understand why it isn't enough to share photos from his photo album and let me share what I want to share with MY phone.
> I like your idea about us sitting together to decide what photos should be sent out. But I don't think he will be open to that because he feels that he shouldn't need to ask me or we collaborate on sharing photos from my phone.
> Since the photos are pics of our son, he feels that I should be ok to share them with family and therefore has the right to do whatever he wants with them.
> Recently he got access to my phone and copied a bunch of pics to himself to share with family. I caught this before he had a chance to send them out and I deleted the texts from my phone. He got furious with me and said that I keep doing things that sabotage our relationship and that I changed the password on my phone.
> I'm not trying to cause him distress but I feel he's not respecting my boundaries and what I'm asking isn't unreasonable.


So, don't write something off before bringing it up with him. He may not like the idea of sitting down and doing it together (make it sound like something fun/bonding to do together) but you never know. 

But another suggestion... 

If you use a cloud photo storage, like Amazon Photos, you can link both of your phones to that. The photos you both take will be automatically uploaded to that OR you can manually choose which photos you want to be uploaded. 

Could you do something like that and tell him whatever photos are there he can share? That way he doesn't have to go through your phone and has access to them at any time. Whether he knows that you manually select photos or not is up to you.


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## grey2020 (May 17, 2020)

bobert said:


> So, don't write something off before bringing it up with him. He may not like the idea of sitting down and doing it together (make it sound like something fun/bonding to do together) but you never know.
> 
> But another suggestion...
> 
> ...


Good idea. I will try both suggestions and see what he thinks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@grey2020,

If you want to keep the photos you take to yourself, you could either upload them to a cloud account that only you have access to or store them on memory card. Then delete them from your phone's normal place to store images. Share with your partner only the photos that you would not mind him sending out.

How old is your son?


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## grey2020 (May 17, 2020)

He’s almost three. But am I being unreasonable?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

grey2020 said:


> He’s almost three. But am I being unreasonable?


To me it sounds like your husband is excited to be a father. Your son is young so the newness and excitement has not diminished for him.

From the little bit you have told us, I think that you both just have a different point of view. There is nothing wrong with that. And I think you are both being unreasonable. The major concern is that you two don't seem to have the ability to discuss a rather simple thing and arrive at an agreement. You are both taking the point of view that "It's my way or the high way."

There is more info that might help get better insight.
How old are the two of you? 
Do you two lock horns like this often on other topics?
How many photos a day or week is he sending off to family and friends? 
Do the extended families and friends also send him tons of photos of their children or things in their lives? 
Are there other things in his life that our partner sends out tons of photos to very one? 
Or does he only do this with your child?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

This is not, basically, a technical problem about cloud storage or passwords. The problem here is the lack of a process for talking together about things to resolve them. Next week it could be about something else. It's an inability to compromise, or to take account of each other's needs and feelings. 

In a way it's good that it has surfaced on something relatively minor, like sharing photographs. If you cannot sort that out by discussion, then you will be in big trouble when something serious happens. 

One thing I would say is that the language of "*I have a right* to ...." is super unhelpful. The question should never be "what are my rights", the question should be, is it kind, is it fair, is it WISE, what is my partner's point? I think it may be a defect of our modern culture that this language of "rights" has crept from the sphere of politics, where it belongs, into our most intimate relationships, where it does not.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

grey2020 said:


> But am I being unreasonable?


Yes, and so is your husband.

Whatever happened to compromise?

It may be "your" phone, but your son is his too. He should also be taking your feelings into consideration.

This goes a lot deeper than who to send photos too, and icloud accounts.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How about if your partner shares the photos he takes and you share the photos you take. You're doing the work of capturing the moment and he's taking the glory. 

I don't think it is too much to expect a person to ask before taking something that doesn't belong to them. Whether it be helping themselves to your lunch money or photos. It's just common courtesy and respect.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

This is a difficult one because people have very different ideas and limits with internet privacy. It's unbelievable what some people share and other people avoid social media altogether. Clearly it's wrong to take YOUR photos from you if you've told him not to. However, that's not the nub of the problem. He can take his own photos of your child. Not bother to remove the location info from the photos, take pics of your house, say happy birthday with ages of people (therefore giving away everyone's birthday), and giving away your child's name, etc. We have a lot of parents in our church and I know that some are really protective of sharing things like childs' names, pics, birthdays, etc. I think over just a pretty short period of social media posts, people can have A LOT of info about you and your family. Some people have no problem with this and others are very nervous with it.

So i agree with many of the others that you should discuss and compromize on the balance between the joys of sharing lives with friends and family and keeping a level of privacy. Otherwise, it will be a constant battle - post by post. Better to set out principles clearly. You might still fight but having an agreed stance goes a long way to address this.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I think you are being reasonable. You want a say in sharing pictures you took and offered to work w/ him but he refuses to respect that, so this is your only recourse. I don't know that I would have a problem w/ my spouse sharing pics I took, but that isn't the issue.

As others have suggested, the broader situation is that he doesn't feel any reason to respect your wishes unless he agrees with them.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> This is not, basically, a technical problem about cloud storage or passwords. The problem here is the lack of a process for talking together about things to resolve them. Next week it could be about something else. It's an inability to compromise, or to take account of each other's needs and feelings.
> 
> In a way it's good that it has surfaced on something relatively minor, like sharing photographs. If you cannot sort that out by discussion, then you will be in big trouble when something serious happens.
> 
> One thing I would say is that the language of "*I have a right* to ...." is super unhelpful. The question should never be "what are my rights", the question should be, is it kind, is it fair, is it WISE, what is my partner's point? I think it may be a defect of our modern culture that this language of "rights" has crept from the sphere of politics, where it belongs, into our most intimate relationships, where it does not.


I think you should first try to reach some compromise, which TS has done("ask me for the pics you want to share"), but when too much of that fails you're left w/ "what are my rights?".

Do you really believe a spouse's rights are *never* relevant in a disagreement?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't like the sound of your situation. It comes across as a power game from your husband. And while he's unable to meet you at compromise, you've got people here calling YOU unreasonable. 

I'm with @EleGirl, change the parameters by sending the photos to the cloud immediately. Your husband could take more photos of his own. Why doesn't he? And what need, exactly, is he fulfilling? There are pedophiles out there and I ve decided for every FB friend you have, gawkers on your FB wall is multiplied by a certain factor. 1.5X; 3.0X or whatever. Depends on what kind of friends you have. Ditto for the other social media.

If your husband refuses to meet you someway on how to handle the photos so he's not constantly pillaging your phone, I would just simply let tech capabilities solve it and hopefully, he won't stonewall the next time we have differences of opinion.

I remember in parting conversations with my first husband that he looked down on me for constantly wanting to discuss matters instead of just taking matters into my hands. I'm not going to make that mistake again.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you’re not being unreasonable if you were the one taking the photos (which is what it sounds like since they were on your phone and not his). You’ve told him how you feel so he can take his own photos to send to family and friends if he wishes.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Your husband is violating reasonable boundaries, so the new password is warranted. Him changing his is petty retaliation. Not much to do about this except talk about it and reach an agreement that he will respect. In the meantime, send out photos yourself that you are comfortable sending - and do include your husband, at least for now.


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## grey2020 (May 17, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> To me it sounds like your husband is excited to be a father. Your son is young so the newness and excitement has not diminished for him.
> 
> From the little bit you have told us, I think that you both just have a different point of view. There is nothing wrong with that. And I think you are both being unreasonable. The major concern is that you two don't seem to have the ability to discuss a rather simple thing and arrive at an agreement. You are both taking the point of view that "It's my way or the high way."
> 
> ...





grey2020 said:


> I need advice on something that is causing tension in my relationship. My partner goes through my phone's photo album and selects pics mostly of our son (but not always) and sends them out to family and his friends. I have asked him numerous times to please ask me before he takes photos from my phone as I'm a private person and don't want to share everything (even every photo of our son) and I like to save some photos to make a photo book for family each year. He says that he won't ask me because he should have the right to share pics from my phone especially if it's our son. He may think the photo is ok to share, but I may not feel comfortable with it and feel since it's on my phone I should have the right to decide.
> 
> I changed the password on my phone so he can't access my photo album and he later changed the password on his phone too. I feel that this is a simple request for him to just check with me and respect my answer if I say no before he shares pics from my phone and then I would be ok with him having my password. He feels that this whole thing is so important to me that I would change my password on my phone and that is ridiculous. How should we handle this?


I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

All my family members live in other countries. I send a lot of pictures through WhatsApp but I don't post many pictures on social media.

I don't like the idea of sharing my kids lives on social media. 

Is your husband sharing pictures on Facebook or through text messages? 

Since I am used to sharing pictures, I don't see anything wrong if they are shared privately (through texting.) I know my parents love to see what my kids are doing and achieving every week.

Maybe you can text your husband pictures you don't mind sharing. I really avoid taking pictures of my kids when they are naked, but we live in a beach town so they are in a bathing suit a lot.

I wouldn't lock my phone. This idea is ridiculous to me and it can backfire you or your husband. I understand your husband's excitement about sharing pictures and I also understand your wishes about having a private life. Could you two come to an agreement? Let's say set a number of pictures he can share, and how to share them, if he is a Facebook worm, then maybe he can switch to text. 

Why don't you like him sharing pictures with his family and friends?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

To the husband: Create your own account. It’s confusing having you use her account to post. You are well aware your wife doesn’t want you taking photos off her phone. It doesn’t matter why she doesn’t. She just doesn’t. Take photos yourself and leave your wife’s phone alone. But you have bigger issues. She’s told you no and yet you continue. And now you’re using her phone somehow (when it’s supposed to be locked) to sign in here.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Openminded said:


> To the husband: Create your own account. It’s confusing having you use her account to post. You are well aware your wife doesn’t want you taking photos off her phone. It doesn’t matter why she doesn’t. She just doesn’t. Take photos yourself and leave your wife’s phone alone. But you have bigger issues. She’s told you no and yet you continue. And now you’re using her phone somehow (when it’s supposed to be locked) to sign in here.


Yeah, sorry, there are deeper issues here.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


So, why did you put a password on your phone after she put one on hers? That seems like a petty retaliation, no? 

And if the phone is locked, with a password you do not know, then why are you now using it? 

You say that your wife is unwilling to compromise. Your wife says you are unwilling to compromise. Something has to give. 

I understand that you like to share photos and that family loves seeing them, but you have to get on the same page and you BOTH have to compromise to get there. You do not have to understand her reasoning for being a private person, but you do have to respect it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person,


This really pisses me off. Many men pretend to not understand a woman's need for personal security. After growing up in a family that had no breaks on personal privacy ie. "come on out of the bathroom to say to our guest;" "tell them what you did over the summer;" never a response from the other person and so on .......

I say it's better to be overly careful than overly sharing.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


Hello, husband.

Boy you sure do like to commandeer property that isn't yours.

A few quick questions. If your wife has a password on her phone, how did you make this post? Did she hand you her phone? Does she know you posted?

Is there a reason why you don't take your own photos of your son and share those with your family?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

To the partner: you are starting to show a pattern of disrespecting the OP. Do you help yourself to what's on her dinner plate, too? Do you use her deodorant without her permission or her toothbrush? 

Your partner is not merely an extension of yourself. She is a human being in her own right and has likes and dislikes and boundaries that she is entitled to because she is a unique human being. When you insist on dismissing her and imposing your wants onto her, you risk her shutting you out. You've already experienced a little. Do you really want to risk a lot?

Stop being so lazy and take your own pictures and open your own account from your own phone.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Do you help yourself


 I thought it had a negative sound to it as well.



> including sharing them with family.


 This thread is entitled "sharing on social media." Are you sure just sharing among your family is all that you do. Also, who's in this family. I can imagine that grandparents may never have enough photos, but aunts, uncles and cousins don't want to be showered with images every week. something is off here.

People can use just about any exchange as a battleground for manipulation.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I suspect he's doing it to look like a good guy with his family and they're thinking "aw, he's such a good dad - look at all the pics he takes and he's so sweet to send them to us". What they don't know is he's treating the mother of his child like the hired help.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

IMO, taking your wife's photos off her phone against her wishes by force is - bullying. You should be ashamed of yourself. If your family enjoys certain pictures - then take them yourself!


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


I don't think it's a big deal to share pictures of kids. 

Personally, I would feel hurt if my husband would deny me the opportunity to share pictures with my family. I understand this because my family lives in a different country. 

I don't understand the mixed messages about locking up phones. It's not ok to lock a phone if someone is suspecting an affair but it's totally ok when it comes to "privacy" about sharing kids pictures with grandparents. This doesn't make sense to me. 

I feel bad for the grandparents. I'm sure those pictures put a big smile on their faces.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> It's not ok to lock a phone if someone is suspecting an affair


Not everyone feels this way.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


Does she know you are replying with her phone? If not, you just proved the point.

You need to respect your wife and her boundaries and take your own photos.

Do you overrule and bulldoze on every topic or just this one?


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> All my family members live in other countries. I send a lot of pictures through WhatsApp but I don't post many pictures on social media.
> 
> I don't like the idea of sharing my kids lives on social media.
> 
> ...


So she doesn't get to have boundaries?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


To the husband -- WHY do you have to have the photos your WIFE took? You have a phone with a camera -- why can't you just take pictures yourself?

To the wife, if there are pics that your husband likes, just send those to him. 

NOBODY needs to see EVERY SINGLE PIC you take of your son. Be selective, share those from her account that you both agree on, and then take MORE and send them yourself if that is what you want.

The reason your wife put the password on the phone is because YOU violated her privacy with this. You just ignored that she wanted to keep some of those private. YOU putting a pw on YOUR phone is just petty retaliation. SHE hasn't been using your phone to send pics, has she?

If you agree to just review them WITH your wife, use ONLY the ones you both agree with, then I'm sure you can both remove the pw's and get back to a close marriage (unless you both want to die on this particular hill).


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

secretsheriff said:


> So she doesn't get to have boundaries?


It depends on the situation. Phone locking in this situation is ridiculous to me.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Both sides seem a little skewed.

Family pics taken by either spouse really should be uploaded to central location, because maybe one spouse has more opportunities to take pics. Out if these not all should be shared unless the couple wants their friends to scream in misery after a time.

And really, not all pics should be put on FB, that's over sharing. 

And the I own them comment by W seems a bit much, but so does using a SO's ph to access TAM forum without pre-communication ie is it ok, that said using each others ph isn't a big deal but not without knowledge or emergency need, especially with belief one SO would without reasons post on a forum. 

There's plenty of out of control going on to assign sole responsibility. 

That said, whew, perhaps mutual apologies can reset things to zero, start over.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> I need advice on something that is causing tension in my relationship. My partner goes through my phone's photo album and selects pics mostly of our son (but not always) and sends them out to family and his friends. I have asked him numerous times to please ask me before he takes photos from my phone as I'm a private person and don't want to share everything (even every photo of our son) and I like to save some photos to make a photo book for family each year. He says that he won't ask me because he should have the right to share pics from my phone especially if it's our son. He may think the photo is ok to share, but I may not feel comfortable with it and feel since it's on my phone I should have the right to decide.
> 
> I changed the password on my phone so he can't access my photo album and he later changed the password on his phone too. I feel that this is a simple request for him to just check with me and respect my answer if I say no before he shares pics from my phone and then I would be ok with him having my password. He feels that this whole thing is so important to me that I would change my password on my phone and that is ridiculous. How should we handle this?


Hmmm,

This is the crap that we basically only deal with now because we all have our "private" phones.
A couple of decades past....the phone hung on the wall and sat on the table and photos were in albums. 
These albums belonged equally to the husband and the wife. 

Can you get it back to that?

Can you try to no longer keep secret, private photos that only YOU own?
Can't you just copy the pictures of your son to some shared file somewhere that he can access also so that if he wants an existing photo of your son he doesn't have to go through you to get it? Then you can keep all the other stuff private but the child photos can be common and shared by both....just as if you had cameras with film and all the pictures were kept in photo albums and one spouse didn't claim to own the album and make the other spouse ask permission to get the album of the kids out.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> Thank you so much for sharing this advice. This situation has caused a lot of distress in my relationship and I needed to reach out to get other opinions. Yeah, I've given thought to why I don't want the pics shared and I don't feel it's necessary to share everything we do with our son and I think it's ok to keep certain things/events to ourselves. He wants to pretty much share all photos that I take of our son. From my point of view, I don't understand why it isn't enough to share photos from his photo album and let me share what I want to share with MY phone.
> 
> I like your idea about us sitting together to decide what photos should be sent out. But I don't think he will be open to that because he feels that he shouldn't need to ask me or we collaborate on sharing photos from my phone.
> 
> ...


"texts" 
I thought you said pictures?
Typo or are you changing topics?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

grey2020 said:


> I’m the husband here (using my wife’s phone). I enjoy taking and receiving photos of our son. I know that it also brings happiness to other family members when they receive photos of their grandson/nephew. My wife rarely shares these photos and now sends only a trickle to me because she knows that I will share them with other family members. So when I get the opportunity, I would review the photos she has taken and help myself to some, including sharing them with family. I have asked her many times for her reason for not wanting to share the photos, and each time it is that she is a private person, and that she owns the photos because she took them. I’ve told her that I do not understand that. She’s made the decision to keep 95% of these photos to herself and also to change her phone password. Yet, someone reckoned I was the one throwing a tantrum? Another thought I am playing a “power game”? Please explain...


It sounds like you'll need to get busy playing photographer and taking a lot of pictures with your own phone.


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