# Does this makes sense



## carrymetotexas (Dec 29, 2009)

You can read my life story LOL in my other post.

Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 9 Someone please tell me this makes sence.... 

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I have read almost every post on here. I think it has helped me make the decision that I have come to. 

I have decided that me and my husband need to seperate. 

I think that in order for us to fix and move past all the hurt in our marriage, we need to first fix ourselves. 

I need to get back on my meds ( for biploar), gets some counseling on how to resolve my feelings. I am gonna start school and find out what makes me happy. I need to find myself again. How can "we" be happy if I am not happy. 

He needs to figure out his problem and how much " we" mean to him. 

I cannot help him with his issues, deal with my issues, take of the house, and kids all at once. I can not think clearly with him here. I am way to comfortable with the way things are and will continue to myself on the back burner. Therefore, we will continue to come back to the place we are at.

I dont think he can fix what he is doing as long as I am still here by his side. I think that makes him think that he can continue to do it with no consequences.

The kids can see I am unhappy, can see the tension between us and I dont think that it is healthy for them.

How can we fix our problems if we are in each others face everyday and have the normal bickering of daily life?

Does this make sense?

I think that apart, we stand a better chance of fixing this, or moving on with less resentment than living in the same house and trying to fix it.

As you can see I am thinking alot but am not sure if it even makes sense.... HELP!!


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi, 
It looks like you have thought this out carefully and sometimes a separation is the answer but what about some counceling before you make such a drastic move, you can be independant while you are in the marriage, school plans and working on yourself, and he will see the confindence in you and I think when he sees you in a different light then he will view the whole marriage differently. Have a discussion about trying to move to a more fulfilling life for both of you, the kids will be happier having both parents around all the time. It's simple stop resenting him and start viewing it as a problem a married couple solves together.
Small gestures and smiles can easily turn things around, lighten up and have a little fun around each other again..

good luck


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

carrymetotexas said:


> You can read my life story LOL in my other post.
> 
> Join Date: Dec 2009
> Posts: 9 Someone please tell me this makes sence....
> ...


me versus we. can sound kinda selfish. has there EVER been a "me"??? because if there wasn't, that's an awfully heavy burden to put on a relationship.


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## carrymetotexas (Dec 29, 2009)

Honestly, No there has never been a me in the marriage or before the marriage. I was very young when we got together 17.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

carrymetotexas said:


> Honestly, No there has never been a me in the marriage or before the marriage. I was very young when we got together 17.


so now there a heart broken over your lack of ability to develop a "me"??? try individual counseling and stay together. i'd get a dollar if you told a counselor "there has never been a me" you'd get solid advice on how to develop one.


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## carrymetotexas (Dec 29, 2009)

This is the story 


Let's start with alot of back story. I am 26 years old and my husband almost 27. We have three wonderful children that we both love. I got pregnant at the age of 17 by accident, we werent even dating. We did not marry because I take marriage very seriously but my husband took on the resposaility of being a parent and moved me out of my parents house and into a apartment. He worked and I dealt with a very hard pregnancy. I find out shortly after becoming pregnant that he is hispanic, he does not look it, and that his family is Jehovah's Witness. Let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with neither, just makes our bringing up VERY different. During our meeting up we were both on light drugs, and not the going down the best of paths. He was kicked out of school his freshmen year and I was a senior with a very hard past. I grew up instantly when I found out I was pregnant, he not so much. Turns out he was engaged to a girl when we did the deed and that they had been together for a fw years. I dealt with him not knowing who he wanted, dealt with the drugs, his shady friends and he went to jail alot that pregnancy for not paying tickets.He cheated on me several times, let me rephrase that I know that he had sex with one of my friends while I was in the house, made out with another while I was nursing our son in the other room, and went to jail one night with two females hisself and a male friend were on their way to the beach. His family was putting alot of pressure on us for not being married, he was censored at the kingdom hall, and I found out very quickly he was a habitual liar.Due to all the stress going on in my life at the time I went in to preterm labor alot. 
Yet, he had a good heart, was patient with me, and was not bad to me. I looked at it as he just needed to grow up. We got married a month after our son was born because I knew I loved him. Not long later I got pregnant again, and misscarried, it was very hard but I dealt with it. I got on birth control and then when my son was 8 monthes old found out I was pregnant again. Things were looking up for us though, he was changing I thought. We still had a very strained relationship with his family because I do not agree with their religious beliefs, and he was still lying on stupid stuff. He took a reallly good paying job but it made him travel locally. We had our second child and he got laid off. Things were hard fiancially and my parents convinced us to move up north with them and try starting over. I thought this would be great since it would get him away from all the negative influences where we were. Let me add that I dropped all of my friends during this time to take care of my kids and keep him in track. My life was based around my family and I did not mind. We moved up north and both had to work. I worked two jobs and went to school full time and he worked one. Things were good but we really didnt see each other a whole lot. I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! 
Luckily he found a really good paying job that required him traveling alot but I could stay home with the kiddos and finish school. My pregnancy with my doughter was very hard and had to drop out of school to be on bed rest. He was out of state and only saw him maybe 7 times during my entire pregnancy and my parents moved away due to work when i was just 2 monthes pregnant. I was alone, didnt know anyone, had two toddlers and was dealing with a high risk pregnancy alone. I was having to go to the dr 3 times a week. I finally had her and was so depressed from being alone I moved me and kids to TN where my parents were while he was out of state, we discussed it and he didnt care, he was never home anyway. 

I think I am giving yall way to much back story. The thing is I put my entire life on hold for him and my kids. I didnt mind. But along the way I forgot who I was, what I wanted and what I liked, because I didnt matter him and the kids did. I had no friends, I didnt go any where without my kids and he was always gone. I would go monthes with out seeing him. We finally moved back to Texas where I had friends. He got in with the union down there so he travelsed locally, in the state, for work. I would want to go out and he would not want to go. I would want to go to bbqs with friends and he would gripe the whole time he didnt want to go. I would have to force him. He would rather stay at home by hisself then go with me or the kids. The kids showed a interest in sports and he was against it. Thought it was pointlesss. My boys really want to hunt and fish and have animals and live the country life and he wont even do it for hem. I realized we were very different when we got together and did not mind putting all the things I like on the back burner but my kids are different story. He got laid off in March of this year and that put us in a situation that we had never been in but always wanted. Him home everyday. It was great at first then it wasnt. We were not use to being together that much at all! We argued alot and bickered. I am Bi-polar. I am not at all saying I am guiltless in any of this and am not the easiest person to live with. He just didnt want to do anything me and the kids wanted to do and could not understand why they were so " country". I lived on a farm when we met and barrel raced?! I never questioned him, checked on him or anything as far as trust goes. NEVER brought up the past nor did i think about it even while he was out of town. COMPLETE TRUST. In June, I was cooking breakfast and he fell back to sleep on the couch were he had left his phone the night before. I went over to the couch and was being "sweet " trying to wake him back up to eat breakfast. while we laid there together I grabbed his phone cause it was the closest to check the weather. When the browser opened up it was on the personal adds for craigslist. I freaked out!! HE said his phine must have done it on accident even though she lived 12 miles from our house. I kicked him out. After him begging and me convincing myself that his phone might have done it on accident I let him back in and told him I wuld be checkig from now on. I didnt though. I figured if I forgave him then it would not ever be brought back up and i was not gonna live my life checking on him. If that was what I was gonna do then we not be togther. When he came back I cut all of my ties with everyone and concentrated on us. My parents came and got the kids for a month and it was just the two of us. 8 days after he came back i was in the living room sitting on the couch and there laid his phone again. I decided to check again. I really want expecting to find ne thing but i did. This time there was no way he could say his phone did it on accident, when I looked in the history he had looked at 34 ads for women in our zip code. I was devastated. I kicked him out again and told him it was over. He said that he had a porn problem, that he just looked at their pictures and that he could prove that he had a porn problem he went in his truck and hidden in the truck was two pornos. Thing is these were mexican porns and all these years he told me he was not attracted to mexican women. LIE. I ended up lettign him back home because it was hard on the kids and financially we could not afford to be split up. He swore he was done with that and we moved on. Well life moved on we ended up moving out of state again for a job that was permant and meant him coming home everyday to the kids. The life we had wanted for so long. I put what had happened at he back of my mind again so that I could help my kids with the change and finding a place to live and such. About 2 monthes ago I go online to pull up a website that my sister had looked at a while back. Which consisted of me going through the history. It all came back again. Dating websites , women he googled, porn, web cam interactions all kinds of stuff! I have been sleeping on the couch ever since. 

THing is it didnt hurt like it did the first time. He doesnt have me like he use too. What does all of this mean ? I have learned alot about myself in the past 2 monthes. One is that I am not happy. We have nothing in common. Everyting I want in life he doesnt. I am tired of not doing anything I want to do. I am still young and want to have resposible fun. Not partying but just fun. He doesnt like what I like therefore we doesnt want to do it. I dont think I am in love with him anymore. I love him, I care if something happens to him, are sex life is great, but I dont know .... Has any one felt this way?


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