# Guys...would you ever ask this????



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".

Nice..now that is a major turn off.

I can't imagine a guy being so clueless that he wouldn't know if his partner orgasmed or not.....

thoughts?


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

working_together said:


> I can't imagine a guy being so clueless that he wouldn't know if his partner orgasmed or not.....


Well, sometimes this guy is that clueless. Carol has a wide variety of ways she expresses an orgasm. Some of them are more open to interpretation than others. There's also been times she looked pretty thoroughly like she DID have an orgasm and then I find out she didn't.

When I'm unclear I like to ask because, you know, the fun isn't done yet


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

if he didn't think you'd come why would he stop???


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

You either know she did or didn't some guys don't know any better and Plus they just want to make sure
You got yours maybe give him a clue that it turns you.off if he has.to ask
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> if he didn't think you'd come why would he stop???


No, he didn't stop, I orgasmed again, then I told him "ok, I'm good", and then pops out this question. It turned me off. It wasn't the first time that happened either. I guess it just leads me to believe that they're just not in tuned to a woman, and they're pleasure. IDK


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> You either know she did or didn't some guys don't know any better and Plus they just want to make sure
> You got yours maybe give him a clue that it turns you.off if he has.to ask
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What am I supposed to say?? "huh, can you not ask that, it's a downer" It's tricky.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well.... if you can allow a man to eat your *****, then you should be able to ask him ANYTHING.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Well.... if you can allow a man to eat your *****, then you should be able to ask him ANYTHING.


It's just that it seems rude, but, I guess you have a point, these things need to be addressed even if uncomfortable.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl: that would be a major turn off and make me think the guy is a total idiot.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

So - we really are supposed to know all of this stuff from...???

I don't think they went into this during the 30 minutes of Sex Ed that I got in school. And now you're telling me not to ask the woman I'm with?

If the question turns you off, then next time try being a bit more verbal during the act - make sure he knows before he asks.

Just kind of funny that the normal advice of talking to each other about what "works" and feels good doesn't apply here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I orgasm, Hubs knows. I think it's the way I grab his arm/leg/hair that gives him the clue :lol: And I'm vocal as hell.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Women think:

Let's see, if he doesn't ever go down=unhappy

If he goes down on you, but can't make you come=unhappy

If he goes down, does a good job, and wants to make sure your satisfied=unhappy.

Men think:

No such thing as a bad blow job.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

And yeah - was kind of wondering how he was able to free his head if you weren't done!!!

Between the thigh lock and the fingers in my hair - was always hard to really say much!!!


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## Bluemoon1 (Mar 29, 2012)

Believe it or not Ladies sometimes us men can get a little insecure, we just need a little reassurance that we are doing everything right. (Well I used to anyway :smthumbup


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If my husband asked, I'd say NO! DO IT AGAIN! :rofl:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I've talked about this on another thread before but I'll say it again, in my experience different women orgasm differently. With my ex I knew exactly when she orgasmed every time from the very first time, with my others (small sample size) I honestly can't tell if they orgasmed once, repeatedly or even at all I just stopped when they said stop, they didn't seem to have the whole-body convulsions like my ex did that made it abundantly clear to me what was happening.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

yeah screaming 'I'M F*CKING COOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMING' tends to give the game away ha ha


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Dollystanford said:


> yeah screaming 'I'M F*CKING COOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMING' tends to give the game away ha ha


Maybe her thighs were squeezing his head too tight - covering his ears.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For what its worth, I like to navigate my verbal communication during sex with " dirty talk"

exambles;

oral on the misses, is she done or does she want more= "are you ready for my hard ****(penis)?" ---or--"you dirty girl you want some more?"

There has to be an art form to it, I mean there is a degree were you have to step out of your self and find that kink.

Communication is a must, its how your partner wants the communication. Often its best talked about during coffee the next morning, instead of figuring it out with you eyes popped out over her pelvic area asking mechanical question right then and there.

Just like any job there should be a review of performance there by improving fore the next time.

But thats just me...I'm wired different then most


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I've asked it but not in that way. I usually playfully whisper it into her ear while inside her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I really feel that the old addage of "actions speaking louder than words" absolutely speaks volumes. I never try to ask that.

As a guy, it would be equally annoying if my partner were to ask the very same thing of me when the prevailing evidence proved to be so much more than affirmative!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> Maybe her thighs were squeezing his head too tight - covering his ears.


Oh, but what a beautiful way to die, though!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Working,
Thank you for posting an honest question in a constructive fashion. 

This is how well I know my W:
- I could write a small book on her likes/dislikes, preferences, traits, skills and quirks. 
- For a while I was entertaining myself by reading her facial expressions and saying exactly what she was thinking (when she was choosing not to vocalize her thoughts). After I did that mind reading trick for a while (not once did she dispute my read), she told me very bluntly that marriage is not an "end to privacy", and that I needed to get out of her head. 

I am never going to know anyone better than I know my W. 

I cannot tell for sure if she orgasms unless she chooses to say:
- yes, Yes, YEs, YES, YES!, YES!!, YES!!!
or 
- that's it, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT!!!!!

But she rarely does that. Very rarely. And please - don't tell me that she has been lying to me. This is the person asked me to stop with the mind reading stuff. Besides, when she tells me she did not get there I just accept it. Because it is not due to a lack of effort on my part. It is due to - she says that some nights she just cannot get there. This rarely happened before menopause. 

So for your guy who actually cares about you:
Either do the yesYes thing. Or the ThatsIt,ThatsIT thing. OR if he should be able to "tell" from basic physiology - tell him how he can do that. 

And in the future, if you reach menopause and get to the point where you don't always hit the rapture, you can just add in some new phrases:
nah,nah,nah,no,no,nope

meh,meh,meh,sigh,thanks you can stop now






working_together said:


> It's just that it seems rude, but, I guess you have a point, these things need to be addressed even if uncomfortable.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*why he freakin asks*

Working,
Usually I like my own material a lot. On this one topic Rob Reiner kicked my a$$. THIS is why he asks. 

Fake Orgasm scene - YouTube




working_together said:


> Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
> 
> Nice..now that is a major turn off.
> 
> ...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> So - we really are supposed to know all of this stuff from...???
> 
> I don't think they went into this during the 30 minutes of Sex Ed that I got in school. And now you're telling me not to ask the woman I'm with?
> 
> ...


Look, I don't want to sound b*tchy, but if a guy is in his 40's, honestly, I really think he should know if a woman is orgasming or not.

And, it's not like I was whispering...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> yeah screaming 'I'M F*CKING COOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMING' tends to give the game away ha ha


That's pretty much what I ended up saying the next couple of times, so there's no doubt there.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I guess because I was with my ex for so many years, he knew by my breathing when I was going to cum, he knew by the way I moved my hips, or sighed that I was really loving it. He also knew by the way it swelled down there that I was about to orgasm and he knew not to move at all. I just loved the way he was so in tuned to my body.

but....life goes on, and sex must go on as well.

thanks for all the replies,


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I sometimes ask after comming up with my face soaking wet ....I;ll say did you cum and she'll say NO then I say Dam guess I;ll have to f*uck you to get the job done right! then we both laugh.

I just like to hear her say it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I am very tuned in to mine. However, Every once in a while she can't quite get there because of her medication. As a result, god love her, she will fake it to spare me my insecurities. If I'm not sure I ask cause I can keep going. Even though cancer took 1/3 of my tongue (on the side not the end, so you wouldn't know unless I stuck it out at you); the 2/3 left just never wears out. So sue me for caring.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Momma said don't talk with your mouth full.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lol


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

working_together said:


> Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
> 
> Nice..now that is a major turn off.
> 
> ...


Sometimes, you just like to hear them say it. It's not complicated, and it's not because you don't know, it's just nice to hear it said explicitly.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If the answer is yes, would you really stop?
I mean, we are women, we are capable of more. 
The fun only stops when everyone's satisfied, orgasm or not, or tuckered out.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If the answer is yes, would you really stop?
> I mean, we are women, we are capable of more.
> The fun only stops when everyone's satisfied, orgasm or not, or tuckered out.


I won't stop until I think she wants me to stop. If I misunderstood and stopped too soon, all it would take would be a little encouragement to continue, and I'd give her what she wanted. As long as she wanted more, and I was capable of giving it, she'd get it.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Hmmm. I would not mind at all if my H asked me that...

Because he never does, and he does not even care if I did. When he's done, he's done, unless I ask him to help me (with his fingers), then I'd better pray he doesn't fall asleep or get boredray:

Honestly, I think that's why I have never liked oral in my life, because I am afraid he will get bored. 

So, I would go easy on this one. Perhaps it's just nice to hear it from you. Why don't you smile and ask him isn't it obvious, you stud?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Words every woman longs to hear--Are you t.h.r.o.u.g.h. yet?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If the answer is yes, would you really stop?
> I mean, we are women, we are capable of more.
> The fun only stops when everyone's satisfied, orgasm or not, or tuckered out.


I am a firm proponent of only coming up for air when absolutely necessary, and then only after strict advisement!


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Words every woman longs to hear--Are you t.h.r.o.u.g.h. yet?


How about if it is modified just a bit: "Are you through already?"


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

shy_guy said:


> How about if it is modified just a bit: "Are you through already?"


Or - "Is it my turn yet?"


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

working_together said:


> I guess because I was with my ex for so many years, he knew by my breathing when I was going to cum, he knew by the way I moved my hips, or sighed that I was really loving it. He also knew by the way it swelled down there that I was about to orgasm and he knew not to move at all. I just loved the way he was so in tuned to my body.
> 
> but....life goes on, and sex must go on as well.
> 
> thanks for all the replies,


So is this a new partner who asked?

Learning to read a new partner's responses can be a tricky business. And honestly, I figure you should be able to ask questions and talk about things with your partner without being judged. 

And face it... Women have been known to fake orgasms. Guys as well, I'm sure, but not nearly as common. And some women are good at it. So sue him for trying to please you. Would it be better if he didn't care about your pleasure at all?

C


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Sometimes, you just like to hear them say it. It's not complicated, and it's not because you don't know, it's just nice to hear it said explicitly.


Ok, so if your partner was giving you a great b/j, would you want her to keep asking you "are you going to cum yet", it ruins the moment, call me picky, but don't ask me questions, talk all the dirty talk you want, just don't ask me silly questions, it's really not sexy.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

PBear said:


> So is this a new partner who asked?
> 
> Learning to read a new partner's responses can be a tricky business. And honestly, I figure you should be able to ask questions and talk about things with your partner without being judged.
> 
> ...


I can't believe women would want to fake orgasms, and damn the ones that ruin it for the women who want them.

Yeah, he's pretty new, but even still I'm not buying the fact he couldn't tell. 

blahhhhh, I'm so picky, and critical, it's going to drive men away anyway....


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

working_together said:


> I guess because I was with my ex for so many years, he knew by my breathing when I was going to cum, he knew by the way I moved my hips, or sighed that I was really loving it. He also knew by the way it swelled down there that I was about to orgasm and he knew not to move at all. I just loved the way he was so in tuned to my body.
> 
> but....life goes on, and sex must go on as well.
> 
> thanks for all the replies,


I agree.. but maybe new guy needs awhile to become in tune to your ways? Maybe he was verifying what he thought to be true to be sure what you liked?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> yeah screaming 'I'M F*CKING COOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMING' tends to give the game away ha ha


Quite right! Heheh

I can't remember my husband asking me this but I am expressive and he also reads me well.

Maybe he just needs reassurance. Maybe he wants to hear how fantastic he is at pleasuring you? Maybe he just wants to make sure you are indeed pleasured. No biggie, IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> Ok, so if your partner was giving you a great b/j, would you want her to keep asking you "are you going to cum yet", it ruins the moment, call me picky, but don't ask me questions, talk all the dirty talk you want, just don't ask me silly questions, it's really not sexy.


So you're not into this guy then, I take it?

While hubs reads me well, if I was in a parallel universe for the sake of this thread, and so long as I thought the guy's intention was wanting to please me (rather than hurry me), I'd feel that he just needed some guidance and reassurance. Even if he was in his 40's. Heck we all have our insecurities and we all like to feel like sexy beasts too 

Without knowing his story, maybe he's been criticized sexually and he just needs to get his mojo back again. This is the way my mind goes when considering your post *shrug* but that's just me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> So you're not into this guy then, I take it?
> 
> While hubs reads me well, if I was in a parallel universe for the sake of this thread, and so long as I thought the guy's intention was wanting to please me (rather than hurry me), I'd feel that he just needed some guidance and reassurance. Even if he was in his 40's. Heck we all have our insecurities and we all like to feel like sexy beasts too
> 
> ...


I think you're right, he's only been single since last August, hasn't dated much, and was with the same woman for 15 years. I asked him how sex was with her, I comfortable talking about that stuff most of the time, anyway he said it was good, but what does good mean?? lol. He told me it never felt like it does now, but that's only because it's new. I just wish I was feeling it more...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

reset button said:


> I agree.. but maybe new guy needs awhile to become in tune to your ways? Maybe he was verifying what he thought to be true to be sure what you liked?


Maybe I'm just not into him, and so I'm just looking for anything to end it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

working_together said:


> Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
> 
> Nice..now that is a major turn off.
> 
> ...


Me & my husband were so quiet in the bedroom for many many years.....we were both somewhat repressed. ... we never talked about sex either. But still HE KNEW, in the dark... just the feel of my breathing, oh yeah... he never had to ask. Our bodies were amazingly "in sinc"...no words necessary. I am talking intercourse though. 

I don't know, kinda agree with Heartsbeating there...


> maybe he's been criticized sexually and he just needs to get his mojo back again


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> Maybe I'm just not into him, and so I'm just looking for anything to end it.


Sounds this way to me. I'd imagine if you WERE into him, you'd be willing to consider his perspective more and help him know how good he is in bed, and help instill that feeling of confidence and comfort with you. Being with my husband for 17 years, I can only imagine how intimidated I might feel if I had a new lover. Granted, I am a sexy beast lol, but still, I'm sure it's both exhilarating and intimidating for him. Especially as you are likely a confident lover yourself and expect him to be too. Maybe you're not feeling it enough to be that woman for him. I'm not particularly patient by nature, but if I dig you (my man, my friends), I'll do my best to bring out those qualities that I'm not strong with for you. Does that make sense?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Are you really asking a question wanting information? or is it something else you're looking for. I ask because you go from this:



working_together said:


> Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
> 
> Nice..now that is a major turn off.
> 
> ...


(Which on second reading, doesn't sound so much like you're asking for honest information as I thought it did on first reading, But let's say you really were.)

to this:



working_together said:


> Ok, so if your partner was giving you a great b/j, would you want her to keep asking you "are you going to cum yet", it ruins the moment, call me picky, but don't ask me questions, talk all the dirty talk you want, just don't ask me silly questions, it's really not sexy.


If you're unsure about my position, I'd encourage you to find my thread "Ladies, please don't give us hints" in the "long term success" forum.

But you're asking two very different questions. In the first, I see him asking for affirmation. In the question you're posing back to me, I see someone looking for a way out. The two are not even related.
I think unless you can communicate straight-forward and answer questions (even the ones you think are "silly questions") then you're leaving him guessing much more than you want to admit. If you do that, and he never "gets" you, then it's not his fault. He was asking ... you might want to ask yourself why he was asking. 

From my experience, my wife is multi-orgasmic. I do sometimes ask her how many times she came. I never am able to keep count ... maybe because there's no blood to the mathematical part of my brain during that time. She always has a smile on her face when she answers. It's another way of asking how much she enjoyed it, and the smile on her face when she answers is probably more important than the number.

Judging from the way you're asking for "thoughts," I'm guessing you don't have a smile on your face when you answer.

But you know, even if it is something that will always bother you, I would think you should communicate to him to tell him it is a turn-off. But you need to be ready to at least invest the time in teaching/showing him what you like if you want him to be able to do it for you, and you also need to recognize that there is more to sex for him than just an orgasm, so maybe it is a part of sex that he needs.

Now on the subject of turn-offs, I can't find ANYTHING else in this thread that even APPROACHES the level of turn-off of this quote:



working_together said:


> I guess because I was with my ex for so many years, he knew by my breathing when I was going to cum, he knew by the way I moved my hips, or sighed that I was really loving it. He also knew by the way it swelled down there that I was about to orgasm and he knew not to move at all. I just loved the way he was so in tuned to my body.
> 
> but....life goes on, and sex must go on as well.
> 
> thanks for all the replies,


It doesn't sound to me like you've moved on. It doesn't sound like you're over your ex. I just can't imagine this being your attitude, and you never having communicated this to him, or signalled this to him, or in some way let him know this. In this case, I can see very easily why someone would be asking you for affirmation. Personally, when I read through the thread, I don't know why you're not still with your ex because you sure seem to have a higher opinion of him than you do of your current guy ... In that case, I can't imagine your current relationship ever being satisfying for you, and I don't think that has much to do with your current guy.

So you asked for thought, and those are mine.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Sounds this way to me. I'd imagine if you WERE into him, you'd be willing to consider his perspective more and help him know how good he is in bed, and help instill that feeling of confidence and comfort with you. Being with my husband for 17 years, I can only imagine how intimidated I might feel if I had a new lover. Granted, I am a sexy beast lol, but still, I'm sure it's both exhilarating and intimidating for him. Especially as you are likely a confident lover yourself and expect him to be too. Maybe you're not feeling it enough to be that woman for him. I'm not particularly patient by nature, but if I dig you (my man, my friends), I'll do my best to bring out those qualities that I'm not strong with for you. Does that make sense?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, makes sense, I guess if we go back to "what makes a man sexy", it just doesn't flick my switch when a man is not confident, he needs to be confident in all areas. And please open your eyes once in a while....grrr

ok


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Are you really asking a question wanting information? or is it something else you're looking for. I ask because you go from this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for your thoughts. I was intitially curious as to whether guys actually ask this question, as I had never been asked before (not that I have many lovers). And as usual I get distracted from my questions, and go off about other things.

My ex used to ask "was it good", and that used to kind of piss me off, but I got used to it, and I knew he needed to hear it.

Am I over my ex....blah, in a lot of ways yes, some no...a process.

I think some women are afraid to hurt their lover's ego, that's me, I don't want them to get a complex.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Most of the time my wife shudders and hollers and convulses and I would have to be pretty dense to ask that question. Other times, it seems like light fluttering and I have no idea if she came at all or 100 times (she'll do this fluttering thing like 15 times and then tell me to stop).

For guys, we rub our shafts on something and it explodes once. Do not look down on us for our orgasmic ignorance.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> Thanks for your thoughts. I was intitially curious as to whether guys actually ask this question, as I had never been asked before (not that I have many lovers). And as usual I get distracted from my questions, and go off about other things.
> 
> My ex used to ask "was it good", and that used to kind of piss me off, but I got used to it, and I knew he needed to hear it.
> 
> ...


I feel like I'm reading this wrong. Help me out as I try to help you consider from a different perspective?

Is it good for you? Are you usually satisfied? Because I thought the frustration was that your body language should be obvious that you are satisfied. However it seems you dislike that your lovers ask if it was good and if you came - while also mentioning here that you don't want to give them a complex?

Why would their ego be hurt? Especially if you smothered him with exhausted kisses afterwards and told them how much you loved it? 

Confidence is sexy but sex is one of the most vulnerable ways to interact with another. Your ego is stripped down and bare, as much as your body. Being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be completely open is sexy, in my opinion. I think sexuality is complicated and wonderful and difficult to sum up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

not to mention it totally breaks the rhythm!!!!!


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

working_together said:


> i guess it just leads me to believe that they're just not in tuned to a woman, and they're pleasure. IDK


I think you're right. :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

working_together said:


> I think some women are afraid to hurt their lover's ego, that's me, I don't want them to get a complex.


Then try not to get so defensive about the question, realize that what's going on inside doesn't always match what's going on outside, and use this opportunity to train the new guy, or get him "in tune" with you. If he asks say "Oh yeah baby that was the touch" and give him a big grin... the next time just give him the grin and no words, and if he tries to speak just put your finger on his mouth in a shushing manner. Soon enough his need to ask aloud will disappear (guys don't usually like to ask but they just want to know, this is the learning phase).


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I just like to hear her say it.


I think that is the case with most men who ask. 

my husband also knows it's obvious that he's replaced the ceiling light bulbs that have been out, but that doesn't stop him from calling me into the room and flicking the switch on, off, on, off for me. "wtg husband" :smthumbup: 

some people just need a little extra affirmation.


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

why don't you incorporate it into your dirty talk? " oh yeah baby, right theree. That's going to make me cum. The when you're about to say I'm going to cum or I'm cumming. Something like that and see how he reacts and if he still asks.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 02/22/03: Colonel Angus

"Miss Anabelle: Well, we hope you'll spend the night with us.

Colonel Angus: Well, thank you, Miss Anabelle. And if I overstay my welcome.. just tap me on the head. "


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> My dh asks me this occasionally. I have no clue why.
> 
> It annoys me, so I just say, "No, I faked it."
> 
> Then I eat Golden Oreos and go to sleep.


But you get crumbs in the bed! Try chocolate helps you sleep better. Besides, it has the added benefit that the crumbs will look like bed bugs. 

You can sprinkle some crumbs on him and then point at him screamimg like a banshee. Scare the sh!t out of him! Advantage Mrs Lady Frog in the battle of the Forgs.


----------



## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates (Apr 29, 2012)

Just tell him unless he's a retarded monkey don't ask stupid questions... he will know the answer when he gets replaced in bed!
Doesn't sound like you got it that bad if he can get you to orgasm a second time though


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I think it's a reassurance thing, a need to know in words.


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates (Apr 29, 2012)

I agree with Lady Frog Fly Away... It may be a turn off but in fact the problem will be when he quits caring
and starts worrying about his own satisfaction! He sounds to me considerate of your feelings


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

So he's considerate and caring because he wants to know if I orgasm, that's good to know. I guess I should ask him if he likes my boobs then, are they perfectly round for him. I should ask if he likes the way I give b/j's. 

Maybe I'm just a b*tch then......I feel like I'm being mean when I say this, but I'm really not patient enough to teach people how to communicate properly, or this and that. 

I'll discuss it with my therapist tomorrow, and see what she says.....:rofl:

Interesting thread this has become.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

working_together said:


> So he's considerate and caring because he wants to know if I orgasm, that's good to know. I guess I should ask him if he likes my boobs then, are they perfectly round for him. I should ask if he likes the way I give b/j's.
> 
> Maybe I'm just a b*tch then......I feel like I'm being mean when I say this, but I'm really not patient enough to teach people how to communicate properly, or this and that.
> 
> ...


Why WOULDN'T you ask him if he likes the way you give blow jobs? Maybe my GF and I just have a weird relationship, but we often talk about sex, what we liked, what we'd like to try next time, whatever. And I'd say our communication is one of the strong parts of our relationship.

There's things we can't change (size of our body parts, for example), and then there's things we can. For example, my GF and I were talking after a round of sex, and one of the things that came up was a particular move that I used to do with my fingers inside of her. I hadn't realized I had stopped doing that, and I didn't know that she particularly liked it. If she wouldn't have mentioned it, who knows when I would have stumbled across it again? I didn't take it personally that she mentioned it, and I don't do it EVERY time now, but I made sure to file it in my little bag of tricks to be pulled out on a regular basis.

To me, good comunication is a major part of a good sex life. Of course, being insecure and weak is likely not a flattering role for a guy... But to ask a question shouldn't be an issue.

C


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

PBear said:


> To me, good comunication is a major part of a good sex life. Of course, being insecure and weak is likely not a flattering role for a guy... But to ask a question shouldn't be an issue.
> C


I agree. In my case I tend to keep my questions until after sex. I like to know though if anything new I tried worked, or if I should have read her body differently and upped/slowed tempo...

I ask all of that because I care about her, and I want her to enjoy sex as much as possible (and because I love to experiment so who knows if something new is good or not).


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what if he asks how many times did I curl your toes?


when her a$$hole is winking at you know she came!


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Bluemoon1 said:


> Believe it or not Ladies sometimes us men can get a little insecure, we just need a little reassurance that we are doing everything right.


Than I would try a different approach. Just like men don't like seeing women spit out cum like it's salmonella (because it ruins the mood) we don't like to be asked "did you orgasm?" (because it ruins the mood).


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

working_together said:


> So he's considerate and caring because he wants to know if I orgasm, that's good to know. I guess I should ask him if he likes my boobs then, are they perfectly round for him. I should ask if he likes the way I give b/j's.


Actually, from a guy's perspective that would be great!

(_Jiggle,jiggle_,)

"Hey do you like my boobs....they're puuuurrrrrfectly round" (Catwoman accent added for style points)

Answer: " Damn, they sure are, umm ummm, Yes I do like them, Yes"



(_Looking up with a smirk_)

"ssoooooo, did you like the way I gave you a BJ?"

Answer: "Damn sweetie, that was just magic, what skill! Now give me a second while I pull the sheets back out of my ass....."


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

working_together said:


> So he's considerate and caring because he wants to know if I orgasm, that's good to know. I guess I should ask him if he likes my boobs then, are they perfectly round for him. I should ask if he likes the way I give b/j's.
> 
> Maybe I'm just a b*tch then......I feel like I'm being mean when I say this, but I'm really not patient enough to teach people how to communicate properly, or this and that.
> 
> ...


So serious question: How do you expect him to ever learn about you? 

And how do you expect to ever learn about him? 

And suppose you guys get this down somehow without really talking about it, how will you continue to learn and explore if you can't communicate openly and directly?

Have you considered that maybe there is more to sex than just an orgasm for him, and that getting answers to questions like this is part of enjoying sex for him? Does it only matter what you find to be a turn-on or a turn-off? Do you know whether or not he finds your answers a turn-on or a turn-off or if there is another reason he asks?

If it is part of his enjoyment of sex, then obviously, some people are veritable Shakespears and can poetically speak of it, get you to speak of it, and feel romanced when you do. Other people aren't exactly Shakespear, but they mean the same thing when they say things like "didja cum?" You know, there might even be potential for more poetic discussion if you can get him comfortable with it, and encourage that, but that would of course, require you to learn to communicate, and maybe we don't have the patience to teach you to communicate properly. 

I don't know either one of you, but I'll have to say what I'm following on here seems to me like you're going to lead yourself into a lot of frustration about a lot of things ... not to mention you're going to have to keep coming here and asking questions because you're not willing to work on communicating with him. If you're not patient enough to teach him how to communicate, then you're not going to get the type of communication you seem to want, nor the level you want.


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Love Song said:


> Than I would try a different approach. Just like men don't like seeing women spit out cum like it's salmonella (because it ruins the mood) we don't like to be asked "did you orgasm?" (because it ruins the mood).


I'm going to disagree with you on this. You are one woman, and you say you don't like this (and I'll believe you). You're not "women." I think it can be discussed in the afterglow, but like everything else, communication with each other is something you have to learn. Are you willing to learn, AND teach? That's a better question ... and communication IS ESSENTIAL to having a fulfilling sexual relationship. 

Man or woman, when people read on here, we learn some tendencies sometimes, but I often find that things people claim to apply to "women" don't apply to my wife. Almost as often, things that apply to "men" don't always apply to me. I'm sure others will find the same thing. In the end, you're going to have to learn to ask of your husband or wife if you want the answer that applies to him/her, and they have to be willing to answer honestly.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> what if he asks how many times did I curl your toes?
> 
> 
> when her a$$hole is winking at you know she came!


Bingo. But that does not always happen with me. All of my orgasms are not the same.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> So - we really are supposed to know all of this stuff from...???
> 
> I don't think they went into this during the 30 minutes of Sex Ed that I got in school. And now you're telling me not to ask the woman I'm with?
> 
> ...


True! And according to most people, we are not supposed to take what we see in the movies or porn as real-life, so how do we know this stuff?


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Bingo. But that does not always happen with me. All of my orgasms are not the same.


exactly

i have sometimes been able to tell, no question

other times its like :scratchhead:
but she said she had a couple times.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> exactly
> 
> i have sometimes been able to tell, no question
> 
> ...


Sometimes my wife seems to have multiple orgasms one right after the other, so it's hard to tell if that was one really long orgasm or a few in a row.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> How about a flashing neon sign we can hold up that reads, "OH GAWD I'M CUMMING AND HOLY CR*P DOES IT FEEL GOOD!!!"


yae and after bow down and say your the MAN!:smthumbup:


I say it in jest but if she did that I would love it!


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> How about a flashing neon sign we can hold up that reads, "OH GAWD I'M CUMMING AND HOLY CR*P DOES IT FEEL GOOD!!!"


Do you have one of those for sale, by any chance?


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> How about a flashing neon sign we can hold up that reads, "OH GAWD I'M CUMMING AND HOLY CR*P DOES IT FEEL GOOD!!!"


Wait you don't have one? I thought since my wife had one... oh nvm.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

ladyfrogflyaway said:


> how about a flashing neon sign we can hold up that reads, "oh gawd i'm cumming and holy cr*p does it feel good!!!"


how rude!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> Wait you don't have one? I thought since my wife had one... oh nvm.


reaches over and turns it on as she is yawning :sleeping:


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> I'm going to disagree with you on this. You are one woman, and you say you don't like this (and I'll believe you). You're not "women." I think it can be discussed in the afterglow, but like everything else, communication with each other is something you have to learn. Are you willing to learn, AND teach? That's a better question ... and communication IS ESSENTIAL to having a fulfilling sexual relationship.
> 
> Man or woman, when people read on here, we learn some tendencies sometimes, but I often find that things people claim to apply to "women" don't apply to my wife. Almost as often, things that apply to "men" don't always apply to me. I'm sure others will find the same thing. In the end, you're going to have to learn to ask of your husband or wife if you want the answer that applies to him/her, and they have to be willing to answer honestly.



I think you bring up some good points. 

And I do agree that communication is important. I would much rather he ask me after the fact (like the next day like I do with him) than ask me right after. For me it's all about creating this mood doing the things to take us there and than enjoying the moment. I don't want to hear that question right after. I want to cuddle and hear that I'm loved after sex or go to sleep. But I cant speak for all women. We are all individuals as you've pointed out.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> reaches over and turns it on as she is yawning :sleeping:


or when the in-laws come over 


PAY BACK BIATCHES!!!!!


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

working_together said:


> Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
> 
> Nice..now that is a major turn off.
> 
> ...


Unless the two of you have been together for a long time, its entirely possible that he has been with women who struggle with reaching an orgasm. Seems to be an occasional thread here about women who struggle so much that they simply give up. Or, if he was sensing similar criticism from a previous time together, suspecting that you thought that he was clueless, or a poor lover, he could simply just be hyperaware until communication is better.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> So serious question: How do you expect him to ever learn about you?
> 
> And how do you expect to ever learn about him?
> 
> ...


It's not that complicated, there shouldn't be that much communication needed to let him know what I like and don't like. We do communicate ok, and talk about sex. It could be a lot better. He's a bit shy on the talking part so I have to encourage him to open up about sexual conversations. I don't mind really, I enjoy talking about it as long as it leads to more enjoyable sex. 

And it's not just about the "silly" question of orgasms, but I have to address his finger technique as well, it's frustrating because he's a decent caring guy, sexually he's got a lot to learn.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Love Song said:


> I think you bring up some good points.
> 
> And I do agree that communication is important. I would much rather he ask me after the fact (like the next day like I do with him) than ask me right after. For me it's all about creating this mood doing the things to take us there and than enjoying the moment. I don't want to hear that question right after. I want to cuddle and hear that I'm loved after sex or go to sleep. But I cant speak for all women. We are all individuals as you've pointed out.


I completely agree with what you say, don't ask me right after the fact when I'm trying to catch my breath (a big clue..duh), ask me the next day or a few hours later.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> It's not that complicated, there shouldn't be that much communication needed to let him know what I like and don't like. We do communicate ok, and talk about sex. It could be a lot better. He's a bit shy on the talking part so I have to encourage him to open up about sexual conversations. I don't mind really, I enjoy talking about it as long as it leads to more enjoyable sex.
> 
> And it's not just about the "silly" question of orgasms, but I have to address his finger technique as well, it's frustrating because he's a decent caring guy, sexually he's got a lot to learn.


do you think women are all the same?
all react to the same things the same way?
like the same things?
dislike the same things?
if you can do one woman you can do them all the same way?

idk, maybe he is overboard
find a new man


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Maybe the dead guy in the mortuary who was ravaged by the 38 year old woman, could teach us.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

morituri said:


> Maybe the dead guy in the mortuary who was ravaged by the 38 year old woman, could teach us.


Yeah, I saw that thread and chuckled, what???


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> do you think women are all the same?
> all react to the same things the same way?
> like the same things?
> dislike the same things?
> ...


I think I should try being with another woman once to see if they are all the same....lol kidding


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I think I should try being with another woman once to see if they are all the same....lol kidding


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

working_together said:


> It's not that complicated, there shouldn't be that much communication needed to let him know what I like and don't like. We do communicate ok, and talk about sex. It could be a lot better. He's a bit shy on the talking part so I have to encourage him to open up about sexual conversations. I don't mind really, I enjoy talking about it as long as it leads to more enjoyable sex.
> 
> And it's not just about the "silly" question of orgasms, but I have to address his finger technique as well, it's frustrating because he's a decent caring guy, sexually he's got a lot to learn.


Who says it's not that complicated? Have you tried to figure you out from inside his skin? With his base of experience? Is that communicating "ok" as you say working? You're having some difficulty figuring out why he's asking you questions, and not sure why he's asking you these things, and it's entirely possible from his perspective he would say "It's not that complicated" if we got his perspective. What do you think?

My experience has been that there's a lot of communication involved in learning what she likes or doesn't like ... and that is a BIG concern of mine as I think maybe my posting history (outside of Social Spot where I'm just clowning) will probably validate. Still, as long as we've been married, it takes communication for both people to get satisfaction. I really see that as something that's not going to go away.

Yes, you probably have to address his finger technique, and probably a few other things. He might have to address a few things with you as well, especially if it turns out that the affirmation is part of his sexual enjoyment. (I don't know if it is, but it is entirely possible. There are some areas where I like affirmation even as long as we've been married).


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

working_together said:


> I completely agree with what you say, don't ask me right after the fact when I'm trying to catch my breath (a big clue..duh), ask me the next day or a few hours later.


 
Can you tell me that "(a big clue..duh)" doesn't show us some attitude that you are probably taking with him that makes it difficult for him to communicate with you? Especially on things he thinks you may think he should know? 

If you don't like him to communicate immediately afterwards, then tell him that, but also, since it is a two way street, listen to WHY HE (not we) would ask you that. Is it part of his sexual/emotional satisfaction to get affirmation from you?

This is the point I keep coming back to. I keep seeing attitudes displayed in your posts that I think would make it very difficult for someone (especially someone who is a bit shy, and you describe him as being) to communicate to you. Then as we say things, especially as we say them from the perspective of another man (who are, admittedly, not your SO), you seem to be trying to convince us why it shouldn't be okay for him to ask. Suppose you are successful in convincing every man on this forum that you are right. Will that help you with your SO? Will you then understand why he asks that? Will it address his emotional or sexual needs if your affirmation is actually what he is after to meet some need there?


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Who says it's not that complicated? Have you tried to figure you out from inside his skin? With his base of experience? Is that communicating "ok" as you say working? You're having some difficulty figuring out why he's asking you questions, and not sure why he's asking you these things, and it's entirely possible from his perspective he would say "It's not that complicated" if we got his perspective. What do you think?
> 
> My experience has been that there's a lot of communication involved in learning what she likes or doesn't like ... and that is a BIG concern of mine as I think maybe my posting history (outside of Social Spot where I'm just clowning) will probably validate. Still, as long as we've been married, it takes communication for both people to get satisfaction. I really see that as something that's not going to go away.
> 
> Yes, you probably have to address his finger technique, and probably a few other things. He might have to address a few things with you as well, especially if it turns out that the affirmation is part of his sexual enjoyment. (I don't know if it is, but it is entirely possible. There are some areas where I like affirmation even as long as we've been married).


Speaking of affirmation, we brought that up the other night, I talked about love languages which was new to him (who would have thought lol), and I explained what it was, and said that mine was affirmation, he said he thought his was as well. So, wanting to please him of course, I complimented him on certain things he did sexually, and other things he did as well. I guess he didn't hear the part that I liked it as well....you see? I think if he wasn't so busy talking about how his ex burned him, he'd be able to listen more...

I was a virgin when I met my ex (hubby for 25 years), he taught me everything, and I wanted to learn everything, so I could be the best lover possible. He didn't have to tell me that he didn't like something, but he would encourage acts that he liked. I guess I'm thinking along the same lines, not much talking, but action I guess. If I ask you to put your finger in once, don't you think you should do it the next time, so I don't have to keep repeating myself.

I think his g/f's, lovers, never said anything, I just find that hard to believe.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

shy_guy said:


> Can you tell me that "(a bug clue..duh)" doesn't show us some attitude that you are probably taking with him that makes it difficult for him to communicate with you? Especially on things he thinks you may think he should know?
> 
> If you don't like him to communicate immediately afterwards, then tell him that, but also, since it is a two way street, listen to WHY HE (not we) would ask you that. Is it part of his sexual/emotional satisfaction to get affirmation from you?
> 
> This is the point I keep coming back to. I keep seeing attitudes displayed in your posts that I think would make it very difficult for someone (especially someone who is a bit shy, and you describe him as being) to communicate to you. Then as we say things, especially as we say them from the perspective of another man (who are, admittedly, not your SO), you seem to be trying to convince us why it shouldn't be okay for him to ask. Suppose you are successful in convincing every man on this forum that you are right. Will that help you with your SO? Will you then understand why he asks that? Will it address his emotional or sexual needs if your affirmation is actually what he is after to meet some need there?


YES it would....lol

Seriously, I'm not sarcastic with him at all, It's just my sense of humor here. I'm really a nice person

But, he could sense my frustration, or that I may want to say something.


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

When I'm performing cunnilingus on a woman I can always tell. Her muscles in her vagina will tighten and relax a whole bunch of times, her pelvis lower back and thighs will redden, and she'll go into body body locks and convulsions. Oh, and if I don't drown I'm not done yet. It's not rocket science.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I think if he wasn't so busy talking about how his ex burned him, he'd be able to listen more...


sounds like he may not be over his ex.

is he waiting in the wings hoping to get back with her?

maybe with that, he is not in tune with you.

how long have you been seeing him?


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Working,
At the start of a new R, there is a calibration process. I hope to not ever have to traverse that with someone new. If I did, pretty sure they wouldn't understand that when my body language is fully relaxed, and I am asking a sequence of well thought out questions in a soft voice, they are one bad answer from having to 100 percent apologize for some bad boundary pushing behavior, or one of us packing our bags. 

First of all, you don't have to justify your response to us. If having a partner do this even a couple times when they are getting to know you is worthy of a break up. Then by all means break up with him. 

In justifying your response here, you have done two things that are red flagish:
- Twisted context in a big way and then said "how would you like that"? The twist was "during the act". If someone asked me - mid bj - is it good - are you close? That is completely different than asking afterwards: "was that good"? 
- Played the "maybe I'm just a bi*ch" card twice. 

We weren't "there" when you - well I believe you clearly established what DID happen - so maybe he is a moron, or an insecure man. Either is a turn off. 

FYI: I don't ask my W that question for a few reasons. I do however ask what she wants more/less/different. 

How hard is it to tell him two things:
- "this means "THAT" happend"? 
- "And I need you to learn my response pattern because that is important to me" 

Neither statement is beechy and both are a lot less mean than being dumped......

As for confidence - I AM confident - when I know that I KNOW what the fvck is happening. When I don't I ask questions. 




working_together said:


> So he's considerate and caring because he wants to know if I orgasm, that's good to know. I guess I should ask him if he likes my boobs then, are they perfectly round for him. I should ask if he likes the way I give b/j's.
> 
> Maybe I'm just a b*tch then......I feel like I'm being mean when I say this, but I'm really not patient enough to teach people how to communicate properly, or this and that.
> 
> ...


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

working_together said:


> Yeah, I saw that thread and chuckled, what???


Dead guy 'puts to rest' all excuses LD spouses have for not putting out. :woohoo:


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> Working,
> At the start of a new R, there is a calibration process. I hope to not ever have to traverse that with someone new. If I did, pretty sure they wouldn't understand that when my body language is fully relaxed, and I am asking a sequence of well thought out questions in a soft voice, they are one bad answer from having to 100 percent apologize for some bad boundary pushing behavior, or one of us packing our bags.
> 
> First of all, you don't have to justify your response to us. If having a partner do this even a couple times when they are getting to know you is worthy of a break up. Then by all means break up with him.
> ...


I don't think he's very confident, and expressing his feelings doesn't come easy for him. A male friend of mine agrees that he would find it difficult to not know, but also thinks the guy is asking because he needs reassurance.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> sounds like he may not be over his ex.
> 
> is he waiting in the wings hoping to get back with her?
> 
> ...


Not that long, a month max. Maybe I'm really pissed that he came over (kids were at dad's house) and didn't bring anything....yikes, my pet peave....cheap lol


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

working_together said:


> Not that long, a month max. Maybe I'm really pissed that he came over (kids were at dad's house) and didn't bring anything....yikes, my pet peave....cheap lol


Seriously, you should just dump him. You've come up with excuse after excuse with why he's not your cup of tea. So go make a fresh pot.

C


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PBear said:


> Seriously, you should just dump him. You've come up with excuse after excuse with why he's not your cup of tea. So go make a fresh pot.
> 
> C


put a shot of jack in that coffee and now you will have something!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> put a shot of jack in that coffee and now you will have something!


<_<
your name wouldnt be jack, now would it?


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> put a shot of jack in that coffee and now you will have something!


I like Baily's in my coffee..


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

working_together said:


> I like Baily's in my coffee..


i thoroughly enjoy bailys straight out of the bottle


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I like lemonade in my Jack.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Body body locks. That's the name of my conditioner. I put it on my hair and also rub it into my bazooms.
> 
> Makes all three of them bouncy.


where do you come up with this stuff. I am forever laughing reading your posts. :smthumbup:


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

PBear said:


> Seriously, you should just dump him. You've come up with excuse after excuse with why he's not your cup of tea. So go make a fresh pot.
> 
> C


Agreed.

I don't think it makes you a b!tch or too picky...I think you're just not really feeling it. 

I truly believe we can learn about ourselves through others but, I think it's important to know what and who vibes for us, and if we're willing to learn through that person or not. Know what I mean? 

It is interesting that you mentioned your ex didn't have to ask if you'd cum, but he did ask if it was good. There might be something for you to take from this and why being asked by both men bothers you. Whether one is confident or not, we're all human and most of us no doubt need some form of reassurance or admiration.

Now get your baileys, hold the coffee.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Imagine a man who didn't have semen. After every orgasm, he twitches and moans, but no physical proof of anything other than his reaction. What if sometimes his reaction was maybe just a few light twitches, not some huge intense orgasm. Still, no semen or proof, just his reaction.

You would NEVER ask and make sure he got off? It's not about not being in tuned, it's just about making sure she was truly satisfied. 

A lot of men never do ask, and a lot of women fake. A lot of these women, years later, come out and admit to a 3rd party that they have been faking for years, all because there was no communication. A question may seem dumb or turn you off, but it's just your husband's way to make sure you are satisfied, that's it.


My own example:

I know if I have been going down on her for 45 minutes to an hour and everything on my body is going to sleep or already numb, I will begin to move around a bit more. She definitely can sense my discomfort because normally she will get off within 15-30 minutes of oral. At that point, I feel like she senses I am uncomfortable and this would throw her off, but yet, a few minutes later she will have an orgasm. The orgasm may just not be intense or just cause me to wonder if she did it to make me feel good so I didn't have to keep licking and she didn't have to say, "Ok, not tonight...." Maybe she felt sorry and didn't want to let me think I stayed down on her for an hour for no reason.

I will ask, "Did you really get off?" In my head, I know she did, but I want to double check. She will usually get mad and say, 'I would NEVER fake it....." I will laugh and say I know, "Was it a good cum?" 


It happens.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

lol it could also be... he just gets turned on hearing it.. and/or it's a starter for dirty talk...


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## buffalo689 (Feb 11, 2012)

sometimes i ask just to hear her say yyyes!!! makes me feel good !


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

I have had several women squirt where there isn't any question if they had a "O" or not, so I don't have to ask.
If I pop a little early I wanna make sure she's pleased as well so I will ask if in doubt....
If rolls were reversed and she came but I didn't...I would want her to ask me...and she has...many times!! I love when she crawls on top of me and goes wild, I let her do her thing and then she makes sure I cum too. Isn't it all about ur lover and pleasing them?
Mouse


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Gaia said:


> lol it could also be... he just gets turned on hearing it.. and/or it's a starter for dirty talk...


Yeah, I'm all for the dirty talk, but, it would be better if it started before I came....


Ahhh, dirty talk, that's a whole other thread.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

working_together said:


> Yeah, I'm all for the dirty talk, but, it would be better if it started before I came....
> 
> 
> Ahhh, dirty talk, that's a whole other thread.


lol


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