# Confused



## loveless319 (Feb 12, 2014)

Hi, I'll try to keep this short. My husband and I separated. He is living with his mom, and I have our three children. This is a second marriage for both of us. While our sex life has been good, we never seem to be on the same page. I guess I have a high sex drive. It got to where I did not want to ask for it though because I did not want to hear no. I got to where I would turn it off and not have any feelings towards sex in general. A friend of ours started talking to me. The friend is male. It turned sexual. Then we started meeting. Little things like a kiss. Then one night I was really upset and meet up with him and we had sex. It was ok. Then for some reason I did it again. It was AMAZING. The best sex I have ever had. 

Problem... I love my husband, I love my family life. 
I love having sex with this other man. I mean I think I am addicted to sex with him. He is separated from his wife. They have been separated for the last couple years. 
In my head I know I only have mind blowing, amazing sex with him. We don't go out, don't date. No one even knows we see each other. But I can't not talk to him. I want to see him. I need some advice. 
Please... I feel terrible about cheating on my husband. I just can't stop sleeping with this other man...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Does your separation agreement include seeing other people? If so, what's the big deal?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Does your husband know about the affair and is that why you are separated?

I mean, obviously you can't have both. You either have to give up the other man or give up your husband in the long run.

Perhaps if your husband knows he will decide for you, as well.

Now that you have experienced true sexual passion - I'm not sure why you would want to return to your sexless marriage. If you are already separated you are half-way there already.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

loveless319 said:


> Hi, I'll try to keep this short. My husband and I separated. He is living with his mom, and I have our three children. This is a second marriage for both of us. While our sex life has been good, we never seem to be on the same page. I guess I have a high sex drive. It got to where I did not want to ask for it though because I did not want to hear no. I got to where I would turn it off and not have any feelings towards sex in general. A friend of ours started talking to me. The friend is male. It turned sexual. Then we started meeting. Little things like a kiss. Then one night I was really upset and meet up with him and we had sex. It was ok. Then for some reason I did it again. It was AMAZING. The best sex I have ever had.
> 
> Problem... I love my husband, I love my family life.
> I love having sex with this other man. I mean I think I am addicted to sex with him. He is separated from his wife. They have been separated for the last couple years.
> ...



You have a high sex drive HD and your former hubby has an average sex drive AD?

You decided to cheat on him and then again and don't seem sorry you did this to him, your marriage together and your kids.

Sounds like you want your cake and eat it too. Doesn't work that way.

Marriage isn't easy peasy. It takes a lot of hard work and some sacrifice. If marriage was easy, no divorces or affairs, right?

Did you ever take the 5 love languages quiz and show him the results? And he did the same for you?

Problem is, you're are cheating and don't see anything wrong with this. That in itself is the problem. You are purposely committing adultery and aren't even sorry.......you are still married.

First of all, stop seeing this other man. No more sex with this guy, nothing at all. You can and should stop this. You are choosing to sleep with this other man and commit adultery, breaking your marriage vows. Until you are divorced, adultery.

Second, go to marriage counseling separate and then together. See if this is fixable.

Third, if it is fixable, take the 5 love languages quiz together to find out each other real love languages. Start buying toys, oils, you name it and surprise each other.

Go from there. Wish you the best and hopefully, your hubby will forgive you.


If you truly loved your husband and family life, you never would of cheated on him, and many times. You would of worked it out and bought toys, you name it, communicated and did each others fantasies. You aren't even sorry....After the first time, you should be sick to your stomach and stopped.

In my marriage, I am the HD one, but relieve myself and not with another woman!!


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## loveless319 (Feb 12, 2014)

We have not decided to see other people. He left because we were fighting and we did not want to continue in front of the kids. I am in the wrong. I know. There is not excuse. I have read posts about affairs and how they don't work out. I am not looking for his man to marry me and have a fairy book ending. I am just looking for sex. ic
I guess I want to have both. Unrealistic I know. My husband is not into toys or anything like that. I bought some and he freaked. I have tried multiple things to get his interest.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

loveless319 said:


> We have not decided to see other people. He left because we were fighting and we did not want to continue in front of the kids. I am in the wrong. I know. There is not excuse. I have read posts about affairs and how they don't work out. I am not looking for his man to marry me and have a fairy book ending. I am just looking for sex. ic
> I guess I want to have both. Unrealistic I know. My husband is not into toys or anything like that. I bought some and he freaked. I have tried multiple things to get his interest.



If your hubby doesn't know about the ongoing affair, I would stop seeing this other man now and really try and make it work. Or, divorce your hubby and hope this other man wants you. Trying to have both will destroy you, and you will loose your hubby and this other man.

You could of used many different toys to relieve yourself.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So did the affair start before or after you two separated?

Good lord it is so hard to respond to this kind of trickle truth!

When did he move out? When did the affair start? Does your H know this guy? Have you two tried MC? Has your H's sex drive always been this way, this mis match? 

Are you working outside the home? Who pays the bills? 

What is it exactly that you're looking for here?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Gosh, I do not think you should feel guilty about having a normal sex drive. 

You are separated because you are not compatible so you can make a formal agreement to stay separated or whatever.

I have a brother that is married to a woman he has not lived with for thirty years.

If he is truly not interested in meeting your needs than maybe an open marriage will work for him and you can keep this friends with benefits relationship going.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> So did the affair start before or after you two separated?
> 
> Good lord it is so hard to respond to this kind of trickle truth!


Well, it's not "trickle truth", after all you aren't the OP's husband.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

You need to tell your husband you met someone else and it's become sexual. You're not looking to end the marriage but you do want to continue having sex with this other guy.

It's honest, and this way your husband has the information he needs to decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. He can go have sex with someone else if he wants, you can both stay together for convenience or whatever, and it's not a big lie.

Not sure why you need some internet stranger to tell you to be honest with your husband?


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