# new member, long, but need help



## stumblina (Aug 3, 2010)

*Mediocre Sex*

Well, here goes:

My husband and I have been married for just two years, we have been together 6 years overall. Sex wasn't satisfying from the beginning, he was just too quick. I always thought it would get better as he got more used to it with me. Well, it hasn't and he's obsessed with having it all the time. I am just not interesed, but I try to be. I have spent years thinking there is something wrong with me, but the more I think about it, the more I know this is a two way street.

He was the kid on the block passing around the porn and has never gotten over it. I feel he is over-sexed and has unrealistic views of what a real sexual relationship is. I have had the same conversation with him a million times, asking him not to objectify me or treat me like a piece of meat. I don't know how to get across to him that, at least I believe, sex for women begins in our head. His idea of foreplay is just asking me if I want to do it. Like, I just walk in the door from work, and he's ready to go. Once we get started he is good about wanting to please me and I usually can get there (now that we've introduced a bullet).

There is so much to the problem here. When we are having sex, he usually doesn't get really "hard" and I think this is from all of the masturbation. I have tried getting him to lay off of it and kind of take an overall sexual break. I feel like if he wasn't constantly pushing mediocre sex on me and he wasn't masturbating, maybe we could have a sexual start over.

Two days ago he told me that he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I asked if there was someone else and he said no. I think he is just trying to hurt my feelings. I know he has got to be soooo frustrated because I never want it, but I want to fix this all. I feel like I should mention that I used to have a very healthy sex drive. Any opinions? Anybody in a similar situation?

Thanks for taking the time!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Not getting hard can be frustrating to a point where a guy would avoid having sex. However he doesn't need to get completely hard for an orgasm and masturbating to orgasm while not completely hard is possible.

Maybe a visit to a doctor would help.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

I can honestly say that no matter how much I take care of myself in a day, when my wife comes home, if she wants it I have no problem being hard. Now I may not be able to finish because I'm spent, lol couldn't resist. But it'll definately be hard. 

That said, what is it that he wants that he feels you don't give him? Obviously you are a bit put off by sex because of the way he treats you, but there is a disconnect somewhere. Was it that you had a healthy sex drive and he just always hopped on and pounded away and now you're tired of it or what?

It seems that somewhere there were requests made or expectations set forth that one or the both of you did not feel were fair. When was that?


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> Not getting hard can be frustrating to a point where a guy would avoid having sex. However he doesn't need to get completely hard for an orgasm and masturbating to orgasm while not completely hard is possible.
> 
> Maybe a visit to a doctor would help.


Totally agree with this. I think some guys may have performance problems if they wank allot. In fairness he may j/o to slow his "quick trigger" 

That said, if historically he has had ED problems they may be getting worse and he may be frustrated. I had an performance problem 3 months ago were i could not get totalllly hard(admittedly i was drunk and tired). It was humiliating, demoralizing, etc. I have heard that cariovascular health can help minimize the chances of ED. So needless to say i wound up starting to run allot after this event to prevent this from ever happening to me as i age. MY point is I can't immagine if it were a problem that was cronic as it sounds like it is with your h. 

He may still have the need to "release" (hense the continues masturbation thing) and may not want to "fail" with you hence the no sex thing. Try and be understanding and talk about it. My guess it is an ED thing and you may want to reasearch the best way to handle that (online or from a professional). Understand he may act defensively as his ability to perfrom is what defines him/us as men. 

Good luck.


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