# Im sick of it..



## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

Im not going to make a long post, but I am at my wits end with my wife. I been married for 12 years. Everything was going great, until my wife's father died. Sex was good before then, now nothing. I am trying so hard to do the right thing. She doesn't want to do anything with me. Not even going out. A few months ago I confronted her about texts that she was making to a old friend of hers. She says that it end and she is not talking to him anymore. I dont believe anything happened. My wife gets up at 3am and goes to sleep 6pm. Who does that? My brother invited us to watch the superbowl over his house, but she doesn't want to go. Dont know what else to do. Im sick of it. Im about to walk out.

See my post history for more information.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I think some IC and MC is needed for both of you. How deep did the texting go?


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## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

The texting went pretty deep. The guy sent flowers to her job and also there was "hypothetical proposals" whatever that means.

She said that the flowers was becuase of her father when he died.


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## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

My wife just went to bed... you would think she would kiss me good night, right? NOT!!


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Obviously her father passing away was the catalyst for all that has been going on with your wife. Before he died your marriage was good, yes? Since then she has been acting out and withdrawing from not only you but life. 

Sounds like she is depressed. I know this because in the height of my depression (brought on by the death of my fiancé), I too started to do things I would NEVER have done. My fix was online gambling. Your wife's fix may have been this other guy. Who, at the very least, was an emotional affair. She doesn't want to do anything except sit around. 

Please do NOT take this personally. I know it's hard not to because she is personally hurting you, but she needs help. Please try to replace the contempt you have with compassion. Now, don't get me wrong, you can only be as patient as possible for so long, but try and encourage her to get herself some help. If she refuses then you may have to take more drastic measures. 

For the sake of your family and your marriage, don't give up just yet. 

By all accounts, she does sound very depressed. 

Good luck.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

She sounds depressed to me too. I think she should see someone about it. You should try to be supportive and not get upset but sit down and talk to her about her getting help and what its doing to you. Not having sex isn't the end of the world. Surely she means more to you than sex.

Was she real close to her father?


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## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

IrishGirl,

Obviously her father passing away was the catalyst for all that has been going on with your wife. Before he died your marriage was good, yes? Since then she has been acting out and withdrawing from not only you but life. 

*This is exactly what happen. Before he died, everything was great. Now she doesn't want to do anything.*

Sounds like she is depressed. I know this because in the height of my depression (brought on by the death of my fiancé), I too started to do things I would NEVER have done. My fix was online gambling. Your wife's fix may have been this other guy. Who, at the very least, was an emotional affair. She doesn't want to do anything except sit around. 

*She says she has depression, but it seems only when I want to do things. She definitely had an emotional affair, and your right all she wants to do is sit at home. I asked here what she likes to do and she says "nothing".*

Please do NOT take this personally. I know it's hard not to because she is personally hurting you, but she needs help. Please try to replace the contempt you have with compassion. Now, don't get me wrong, you can only be as patient as possible for so long, but try and encourage her to get herself some help. If she refuses then you may have to take more drastic measures. 

*I know you say not to take it personally, I have been dealing with this for over a year now and I am getting resentful. I told her that, but nothing seems to be working. She isn't seeing a doctor or anything. At least then I could justify to myself that she is getting help. She is not even doing that. I dont know if it's shame that is causing her not to seek help.
*

For the sake of your family and your marriage, don't give up just yet. 

*Im not giving up yet, but close to. I am asking her to do some things with me, like go to the mall. Nothing big. Just something to do. We have a gift certificate to a restaurant we had for almost a year now that we never used because she doesnt want to go.*

By all accounts, she does sound very depressed. 

*You hit the nail on the head. Now what do I do?*


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## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

Thebes,

She sounds depressed to me too. I think she should see someone about it. You should try to be supportive and not get upset but sit down and talk to her about her getting help and what its doing to you. Not having sex isn't the end of the world. Surely she means more to you than sex.

*I know that sex isnt everything, but doing it like 3 times in a year and half to me is way to long. When we try to do it, she just lays there. No emotion. Totally different after fathers death.
*

Was she real close to her father?

*Her father taught her about sports and gave her love. Her relationship with her mother was loveless. What happened was when her father was in the hospital because he had a heart attack, she delayed at her job to see him because she was told by the hospital staff that he was stable. When we finally saw in him he at already died. So she might have some regrets not leaving her job earlier to see him before he died. Regardless, that is not my fault. *


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

She's running from reality or questioning everything about everything. Hope time helps but her foundation is missing part of its self at the moment.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Talk to a few psychologists and see who can help her. She needs to talk to someone. She may need meds. If you can get her to a psychologist, she/he will help your wife. I almost suggested you make the appointment and take her there yourself. Don't do that. Talk to someone who can help her through this time. She's miserable and if truly depressed, will have a heck of a time trying to pull herself out of it. She needs you now, more than ever.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Thebes said:


> She sounds depressed to me too. I think she should see someone about it. You should try to be supportive and not get upset but sit down and talk to her about her getting help and what its doing to you. *Not having sex isn't the end of the world. Surely she means more to you than sex.*Was she real close to her father?



Not having sex with your spouse is a marriage killer. 

OP - Don't ever feel that your need for sex is somehow selfish. It is a necessity in a healthy and stable marriage.

I'm not buying depression. I've dealt with it from a close family member. This doesn't really sound like it. It's not that she doesn't want to do anything. It's that she doesn't want to do anything with YOU. Sounds much more like betrayal/emotional affair.


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