# when married people ignore you



## physiogal (Jan 25, 2013)

mother of 1, undergoing separation from husband...... 
this is more of a rant really.
I knew this happens in divorces and its common but I feel so pissed off when our married friends have started ignoring and avoiding me.
One of them is a mother of my daughter's friend and since I needed her help (because my daughter isn't able to attend her old school, but i wanted her to do the worksheets at home and take the exam at the end of the year,)to keep in touch with some school activities. she used to be so sweet but suddenly she is avoiding me. when i called her she said she was busy and would call me back but she never did, right now she is online on fb but ignoring me.

why do they act like this.....
i havent currently decided if my daughter can continue at the same school or not but if she does, how should i react. shall i start ignoring her too?
we used to be such good friends. or i thought so........
also, we have told a few of our friends that we are undergoing separation and might or might not get divorced...... we are trying to reach some reconciliation...... one couple has started ignoring and avoiding us and they were our friends for like 15 years..
i was thinking in the slim chances that we get together.... how should i react? i feel so mad at them and I don't want to be friends with them ever again.....? 
do people stop being friends after going through such phases...???


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You act by not reaching out to her again. You already called her out on her behavior/avoidance of you and she blew you off again. There is your answer. 

I wouldn't keep trying to talk to her.

It sucks to be rejected/avoided but you are better off than trying to be friendly with someone who treats you like that.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I agree with Jellybeans. Now is when you find out who are your true friends and who you can count on. I understand you, but there will also come some new friends, perhaps others living the same situation and you can share and vent with them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and some may want to be "away" from you cause of the divorce cause maybe they are immature and feel like the divorce is going to rub off on them (like a sickness). But to those I just laugh.

Like Blue said, the ones who stick with you are the real true friends. But school mom? Not worth your time, dahling.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Hard question, who caused what?

IF you are seen as wrecking a family, it's going to happen a lot!

IF you are doing things to your family you shouldn't.....


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## gettingout (Jan 15, 2013)

This post jumped out at me because I am definitely finding out who my true friends are. I have girlfriends who are there for me no matter what, and one surprising one who went through a big crisis of her own years and years ago who shockingly has not called or emailed once, except when she needed something from me superficial, left a voice mail, never said "how are you?" and I never called back. 
What was kind of hurtful initially were two husbands I always used to see (one was a friend) who, when I saw them hello, we had the greeting convention of a quick peck on the cheek. That stopped after they heard about the split. I guess they thought I had cooties (or maybe they thought I was just.that.hot and they couldn't restraint themselves, hahahaha). One seems back to his normal self (he also knows my ex) but the other one barely looks my way or talks to me. I have no idea if it is because he is a social conservative, disapproves of my choice, thinks I'm contagious, or what. I'm still friendly with his wife, though.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Again, If you are seen as wrong by friends and community. It's what happens. And for good reason.


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

I think divorce is an excellent opportunity to do a little relationship housecleaning.

Why bother with people who don't have your back in life and who aren't loyal to you. Divorce illuminates that.

Its a positive....use it as an opportunity to get rid of some dead weight. You can spend your time and your emotional energy on people that are worthy of it.

The quality of life is determined by the company you keep. If I don't consider someone worth of my time and energy, I keep them out of my life. Life is too short to waste time with the unworthy.

I know its tough but look on this is a positive. You know that she's disloyal and isn't your friend and doesn't care about you or have your best interest at heart. Cut her loose and invest in other people who deserve to be around you.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

None of my friends in my neighborhood kept in touch with me. Personally, I think they must be insecure and want to keep me away from their husbands. 

I am nothing special to look at, I have trouble walking because of an accident, I don't dress sexy, just comfortably, so I am no threat in my opinion. 

Topping it off, I don't even talk to their husbands, I talk to them. 

After divorce, my old "friends" basically ignore me. 

I do think it's strange behavior but I'm ok with it. I have found other ways to keep busy. 

One day, they may be in my shoes and then watch them reach out.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I dunno. Sounds like you are expecting too much of people. Why not get the worksheets from the school directly? It's near the end of the school year and I'm sure people are very busy with planning summer vacations and summer day care if they work as well as spending time outdoors, end of school year stuff, graduations, marriages and the like. 

Your family situation is just that. It belongs to your family. Do not expect others to be involved in it or even to be interested in it just because their kids go to the same school as yours. You may have made some assumptions about the relationships (closer than you thought, whereas they were more casual) and are now disappointed. 

Sharing strife is not always the best relationship builder...unless the other people are also in your shoes and its mutually beneficial.

Also, don't assume everyone else is happily married. People will tend to avoid what makes them uncomfortable, maybe they have issues they don't want to face head on by seeing someone else have to deal with them.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

There may actually be more at play here than people avoiding you. I have to ask, how much negativity to you project of your situation to your friends?

Maybe they just don't want to hear it over and over again. I'm not saying this is the case, but could it be?


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

LBHmidwest said:


> Again, If you are seen as wrong by friends and community. It's what happens. And for good reason.


Seen as wrong is not the same as actually doing something wrong. But people so like to judge! Keep your head high. You may want to join a group of separated or divorced parents. They know what you are going through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Just saying... Many walk away spouses are having a mid life crisis, cheating, leaving children, a lot of things for their happiness.

When that happens, there is fallout. Not saying that's the case here. I don't know.

I've watched it happen to my STBXW. And, I think it's appropriate. She wants her space, she's getting it from a lot more people than me. This isn't rocket science. People back their friends and judge, sometimes right, sometimes wrong.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Walk away spouse is relative. If you've made your needs known for years to no avail, are you still in the wrong?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, there are people who are suddenly uncomfortable when a friend divorces. Who knows why. Ignore them and make new friends.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

ebp123 said:


> Walk away spouse is relative. If you've made your needs known for years to no avail, are you still in the wrong?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hard to know based on a question like that. Depends on the needs, communication, etc. 

Marriage is supposed to be more than disposable, you aren't saying that, but some do treat it as such.


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