# His silent terror.



## patience. (Oct 9, 2011)

First I have known my husband for 4 1/2 years now. We have been married for 3 years. Have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who is wonderful. 
We never really talked about any kind of problems that we had, if we faught we wouldn't speak, than sleep on it and act like nothing happend.
Well two weeks ago, my husband went to a festival type of thing with his "boys." That was a all day thing. While i was home with my daughter, we went to sit outside our friends apartment. We were drinking, and got pretty intoxicated.
Well my husband and his friend called for us to pick him up. My husbands friends wife was with me, and our friend which is a guy. Well we got in the car, and I had blacked out. Yes i know, i'm to grown to be blacking out drunk. Btw, my child was sleep upstairs in my friends apartment, with my friend. 
Anyway, turns out, the guy we rode with to pick my husband up kisses me. I only say he kissed me because I have had no attraction to him at all, and cant see me making that move. 
Well my husband saw this, two drunk people kissing. and it went downhill from there.
He wont speak to me, its been two weeks. I'm seeing a cousellor. I've written him letters. He will not believe me that I don't REMEMBER. 
To make matters worse, he has his friends in his ear telling him i've probley been doing dirt the whole time. Which is obviously not true, I dont even have time to go tanning!
Honestly I dont know what else I can do.
I've apologised for putting myself in that wrong situation. 
He is now going the opposite way, he is going out all night with his friends, not speaking to me, and wont answer my question straight up. If its over. 
I love this man. But if he can't talk about anything, if we're good or if we're bad, or if we're going to work on it.
I dont know what to do!!!!!

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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What can you do? I hope you aren't drinking any more...

Therapy is a good start, but...what issues are you working through? Someone kissed you-- your husband saw it. Who knows what's going through his head.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If I were him, I'd be more pissed that I left my child in the care of my wife who became too drunk to provide decent supervision. I guess it's a good thing she didn't have a serious medical emegency.


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## patience. (Oct 9, 2011)

Not drinking anymore.
The alcoholism runs in my family.
Thats one issue.

My counsellor said i should write a letter. I did, and he read it. no out come.
The silence is driving me crazy.

She also told me to stop doing stuff for him. If he wants to act single, than treat him so.
I dont cook for him anymore, nor do i wash his clothes.
I no longer get him his snacks, or lay out his clothes for the morning. I dont do things for him anymore. It has shown lately that he got used to me doing everything for him.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So from his perspective, you went over to a guys house, drank until blackout drunk and were physical with this guy.

He saw a kiss in the car, what else may have happened before that? How would he know, how would you?

Are you still in touch with the guy who kissed you? If do, kick him out of your life. You want to show you husband what is important to you.? Then eliminate this other guy completely. 

Go take a polygraph to prove you aren't cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

OMG.

Have you started going to AA? 

This is something your H has to see you are serious about never, ever, ever repeating.

Write your H a letter that says how you are not willing to ever have this happen again and will seek help with your alchohol problem.


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## patience. (Oct 9, 2011)

My child was with a babysitter. 
Over the age of 30.
" upstairs in apartment with friend."
Have known her for years now.


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## patience. (Oct 9, 2011)

Where could i get in touch with a polygraph?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm confused with your description. What is the deal with the guy who kissed you. Was he at the apartment, are you still "friends" with him?

I don't think your councilor is addressing your husbands feelings here. Trying to pull back from him is going to say to him that you are giving up on the relationship and that your remorse was false.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## patience. (Oct 9, 2011)

No, not friends with the guy at all.
The next day I asked him what happend, because I had blacked out and he said nothing , and that my husband was over reacting. 
Well throughout the day, he was telling me things that happend before we got in the car, and how he threw up. All those things I dont remember. 
So he must remember, because after I found out that we did kiss, he acted weird. 
I had always looked at him like a little brother. 
But that night I remembered him telling me he wished he had a wife like me. I let it blow past because he was my little brother.
Well that friendship is over.
Seriously, who kisses someone when they are going to pick up their husband? 
I told him that we can't speak anymore, and he understood.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

patience. said:


> My child was with a babysitter.
> Over the age of 30.
> " upstairs in apartment with friend."
> Have known her for years now.


You said you and your friends were drinking outside their apartment and "we" got pretty intoxicated. Where's the sober adult who has the authority to make medical decisions for your child in an emergency? Can your friend authorize an emergency surgery for your child?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How do u know it was just a kiss if you say you can't remember?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

patience. said:


> My child was with a babysitter.
> Over the age of 30.
> " upstairs in apartment with friend."
> Have known her for years now.


It sounds like you made some poor decisions and your trying to make ammends. It will take time to prove things are going to change on your end. Don't stop doing the caring things for him - do them without expecting a response or thank you from him. He's still there, it's a good sign. Maybe ask you H what he needs from you to prove you recognize the problems that led to everything and you want to change and make things better.
It will take time, but he's still there. 
Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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