# Do wives still take their husbands last names?



## Chopblock

It seems to be a dying tradition. I'm just curious, did the women here take (or do the engaged plan to take) the husbands last name?

To those who will, why?
To those who refuse, why?

Men, is it a dealbreaker if she doesn't?


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## swedish

I did, both times. It makes it more difficult for my dad's creditors to hunt me down


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## Chopblock

Hehehehe  Nice.

It just seems to me like all the 20-something women these days are vehemently opposed to it. Some of the men accept that as an inevitability, while others get really upset and are probably going to have to either negotiate really hard, or marry somebody else.


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## bzyshopinbee

I took my husbands last name because it was an outward sign of our union. It served to make me feel as I was 'really married' and that we were forming a brand new family.


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## draconis

I can imagine for some people it is a matter of tradition were some might think it is subservant to do so. Ask yourself this would you take her name instead?

draconis


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## Chopblock

---Ask yourself this would you take her name instead?---

Absolutely not.

I realize that the next response for many will be "then why should she"? so no need to bother.


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## bluebutterfly0808

i did take my husband's name. i kinda wish i would have left my maiden name on & just added his to the end but oh-well. it is not something to dwell on. i like that our family has the same name. it makes us feel like a unit. to each his own i suppose.

as far as you not wanting to take your wife's name, that doesn't bother me...but since we take your name, i feel that the husband is the "head" of the house. he should also then act like it - protect, take control when necessary, etc. i guess i'm just a modernized old-fashioned girl.


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## loveandmarriage

I took my husband's name. I thought of it as a honor and outward sign of our union.


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## GAsoccerman

My wife did take my last name, she uses her Maiden name as her Middle name now, since she did not have one.

For the record, it would have been a deal breaker for me if she did not take my last name, it's all or nothing to me in a marriage.


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## draconis

A name is a name...lol

Really a deal breaker?

draconis


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## GAsoccerman

Yep, drac, I am going to be honest, it was a deal breaker, I felt very strongly about it, call me old fashion in that regard, but my wife should have the same last name as me and our future children.

Also our Youngest son's middle name is her Maiden name, as respect to her family.

It goes both ways.


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## draconis

GAsoccerman said:


> Yep, drac, I am going to be honest, it was a deal breaker, I felt very strongly about it, call me old fashion in that regard, but my wife should have the same last name as me and our future children.
> 
> Also our Youngest son's middle name is her Maiden name, as respect to her family.
> 
> It goes both ways.



Everyone in the world is different. I respect what you believe. It was never important to me that is why I wanted it clairified to me.

I offered to take my first wife's name because she was the last in line meaning the named died when she married me. She wanted my name and our son together has her maiden name as a middle name.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman

same here, my wife's father ahd all girls, while the family name will be carried on with their cousins, we honored her father with the middle name of our second son. He would not allow us to use his first name, so we settled on her maiden name. but her Dad's name was Harry (harold) he hated his name and begged us not to have our child's middle name be that. So we respected his wish.

My oldest son has my father's middle name, whom died when I was a year old.


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## draconis

My ex wife's father was the only boy, his grandfather had two boys one dies in war before having children. So there isn't anyone to carry on the name including cousins that are known.

draconis


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## 827Aug

I guess I'm just an old fashioned southern girl. I took my husband's last name and used my maiden name as my middle name. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Is it out of love, respect, or tradition? I'm not sure.....


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## Mary-Lou

Chopblock said:


> ---Ask yourself this would you take her name instead?---
> 
> Absolutely not.
> 
> I realize that the next response for many will be "then why should she"? so no need to bother.


why? Why wouldnt oyu take her last name?

What is the difference? there is many group of peiople in the world where the tradtion is to keep the womans' last name and not the man.
Why should it be yours.
I am ok for taking the one of the two and to take the one of my huisband, but when i see how you men react on that topic it makes me furious!
its like saying that women are less worth than oyu are and that your ame is worth more than hers.
Thats incredible.
Even you say that it will eb a marriage breaker and that you will not marry her if she didnt wanted to take your last name! ??
Do you realise what that mean?
That you love your pride more than youb love her and that you respect your last name more than you respect your wife and you r children.
So if yoru kids had your wifes last name, then you will not consider them as being your childrens?
its so gross.
I cant beleive you can even think that.
Whats wrong with taking your wifes lastname or having both last names after marriage?
What you say show a need for domination and unsecurity.
Your wife is a human being too and her too got feeligns for her last name so if she give it up for you you should feel embarassed to dont eb willing to do the same, and even worse to make it a must or you break your marriage if she dont.
This sound so far out for me.
But i sure that if she was a Kennedy or a Lincoln or Gates, or had some famous aftername, you will surely care to have it on your CV and credit card as well! LOL

When you married, was the edd, "to love and cherish your wife" or "to love and cherish your family name"?
Just curious.


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## draconis

GAsoccerman said:


> same here, my wife's father ahd all girls, while the family name will be carried on with their cousins, we honored her father with the middle name of our second son. He would not allow us to use his first name, so we settled on her maiden name. but her Dad's name was Harry (harold) he hated his name and begged us not to have our child's middle name be that. So we respected his wish.
> 
> My oldest son has my father's middle name, whom died when I was a year old.



I talk to my wife about the forums often. Earlier today I was talking about this thread when my wife said everything you did. She felt old fashion, and tradition plus feels it bonds us as a union.

For the record it doesn't change my view but you can be happy to know my wife agrees with you and all your points.

draconis


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## seraphire

Originally I took my husband's last name, but as the years passed I started missing my own name. I ended up changing my name back to my maiden on my SS card, bank account as well as in school and work. However, it was complicated at my children's schools; administration wondered if I were the nanny. No one knew what to call me. At the pediatrician's office, same thing. I felt disconnected from my children. So now I live a double life and feel more satisfied in doing so than I felt taking on his name entirely or keeping mine entirely. I'm both now. When it's just about me (SS card, credit card, mag subscription, school info, work name), I use my maiden name. When it's about the family (kids' schools, doctors' offices, community pool, etc.) I use my husband's (our family's!) name.


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## Blanca

I thought about keeping my last name. Its just easier these days. I didnt want to have to go get a new everything. but i changed it b/c it was important to my H.


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## dcrim

I like Seraphire's response. However, it does come down to a legal name. So what name do you use? Your own or husbands? Do you have ID cards in both names? How have you handled the legal name?


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## stumped

I took my husbands last name but I kept my maiden as a middle name so I essentially have two middle names.


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## Channy

I just got married September 12 of this year and I took my husbands last name. I am all for that tradition. One of the reasons I am also for it is when we have kids I think it would be confusing for them to have a different last name than one of their parents. I feel special having his last name. LOL


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## trafficgal

I did not take my husbands name and we both don't really care about that - plus it's a pain for the woman and he knows that. If we have children we can always chose a name as a family but right now it's not a "deal breaker" as someone said that I think is ridiculous.


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## GAsoccerman

Well you don't choose " a name" (last name) as a family, legally if your married the child's name goes under the father's name, if not married then the mother's last name.

My wife had little issues changing her name, it's rather easy if done correctly.

It is also confusing to children if there parents have a different last name then their biological parents.

Also, to me personally if the wife doesn't take the last name of their husband it shows me they are not fully committed, that they ahve the "if" feeling in their mind already. as in "If we get divorced...."

To me shows me lack of commitment, respect and tradition.

Why get married then?


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## justean

both marriages i took his surname. i think it was felt the traditional thing to do, it is a sign of respect and the union of two ppl embarking on married life together.


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## trafficgal

GAsoccerman said:


> Well you don't choose " a name" (last name) as a family, legally if your married the child's name goes under the father's name, if not married then the mother's last name.
> 
> My wife had little issues changing her name, it's rather easy if done correctly.
> 
> It is also confusing to children if there parents have a different last name then their biological parents.
> 
> Also, to me personally if the wife doesn't take the last name of their husband it shows me they are not fully committed, that they ahve the "if" feeling in their mind already. as in "If we get divorced...."
> 
> To me shows me lack of commitment, respect and tradition.
> 
> Why get married then?


Actually my sister and her boyfriend are not married with child and their daughter has his last name. They chose that. My husband has the last name of both his parents (a very long complicated last name) and they chose that also. I see no reason why when (and if) we have children we won't be able to chose a name that is nice for both of us. It's pretty simple actually. I don't think I am righteous or that I am standing up for anything we just loved each other - got married and are happy - the last name thingy didn't even entered discussion. Traditions are something to hold on to but it's ok not to follow them - not all change is bad


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## GAsoccerman

What you want to do is your choice and I respect that.

I am just simply stating by law, the child takes the name of the father of a married couple, even if the mother has kept her maiden name.

If they are not married, it defaults to the mothers, but she may choose to name the baby after the father.

But I communicated to my wife, well in advance that if she did nto want my name after marriage, there would be no marriage for us. 

We dated 6 years, so she knew this well into the relationship, and we have been married 12 years.


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## oceanbreeze

As stupid as this may sound, the dude I plan on marrying has an ugly name! And he agrees too, he was thinking to take my last name and I would keep mines, but on the other hand, I was raised to take my husband's last name. If any of you have seen "The Wedding Singer" when Drew Barrymore is about to marry that guy and would be named "Julia Gulia"...that's similar to how my future name will sound...

hahaha

Plus I am not sure if I can take that name since his family is against us marrying. So in a way I have doubts to take it. Sorry to take this thread on a different spin. 

Even though logically...it's not the name itself that is hurting me, but rather the rants of some family members.


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## Honey

Chopblock said:


> It seems to be a dying tradition. I'm just curious, did the women here take (or do the engaged plan to take) the husbands last name?
> 
> To those who will, why?
> To those who refuse, why?
> 
> Men, is it a dealbreaker if she doesn't?


I kinda like the idea of having the same last name as we become one when we marry. Well, one would hope so, anyway.


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## Emerson

I also changed my middle name to my maiden name and took my husband's last name. I feel like my maiden name is still "there" but I preferred that my husband and I, and our children all have the same last name.

I knew a couple that combined their two last names into a "new" name by taking some of each last name to make a single word. While this sounds really romantic and "equal", I find the whole idea a little ridiculous. 

I don't mind hyphenation, but it just wasn't my preference.


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## Chopblock

> ---why? Why wouldnt oyu take her last name?
> 
> What is the difference? there is many group of peiople in the world where the tradtion is to keep the womans' last name and not the man.
> Why should it be yours.
> I am ok for taking the one of the two and to take the one of my huisband, but when i see how you men react on that topic it makes me furious!
> its like saying that women are less worth than oyu are and that your ame is worth more than hers.
> Thats incredible.
> Even you say that it will eb a marriage breaker and that you will not marry her if she didnt wanted to take your last name! ??
> Do you realise what that mean?
> That you love your pride more than youb love her and that you respect your last name more than you respect your wife and you r children.
> So if yoru kids had your wifes last name, then you will not consider them as being your childrens?
> its so gross.
> I cant beleive you can even think that.
> Whats wrong with taking your wifes lastname or having both last names after marriage?
> What you say show a need for domination and unsecurity.
> Your wife is a human being too and her too got feeligns for her last name so if she give it up for you you should feel embarassed to dont eb willing to do the same, and even worse to make it a must or you break your marriage if she dont.
> This sound so far out for me.
> But i sure that if she was a Kennedy or a Lincoln or Gates, or had some famous aftername, you will surely care to have it on your CV and credit card as well! LOL---


Because I want her to take my name, plain and simple. I don't care if people think its sexist, oppressive... blah blah blah. I want my wife and children to have my name, end of story.

If she absolutely refuses, we are going to have an interesting situation on our hands. In order for me to give that up, I would have to get a LOT, and I mean a LOT.

Presumably her argument would be along the lines of everything said above.... well then, you want to be "modern" and "equal", ok, great! Lets be "modern".

Lets apply this same line of thinking to another tradition, and see how well that goes over.

NO engagement ring. Oh you don't like that? Oh but don't you know, the engagement ring is a symbol of ownership, just like changing your name. It means you are my property, therefore I am your owner. What do you mean thats different? Its exactly the same. If you aren't my property, why do I have to buy you?

---plus it's a pain for the woman and he knows that---

This is a weak excuse. If you are in control of your life and have some organization over your business, you can accomplish this quickly and easily.

Hey, taking out the garbage is "a pain" too. So can I stop doing that?

----ut since we take your name, i feel that the husband is the "head" of the house. he should also then act like it - protect, take control when necessary, etc. i guess i'm just a modernized old-fashioned girl.----

Agreed COMPLETELY. But, if you expect me to do all the above, don't fight me tooth and nail every step of the way. I hate when women say "I want a man to take charge", but then whenever he does, she fights him or criticizes him, or says everything he does is wrong.


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## trafficgal

Chopblock said:


> Because I want her to take my name, plain and simple. I don't care if people think its sexist, oppressive... blah blah blah. I want my wife and children to have my name, end of story.
> 
> If she absolutely refuses, we are going to have an interesting situation on our hands. In order for me to give that up, I would have to get a LOT, and I mean a LOT.
> 
> Presumably her argument would be along the lines of everything said above.... well then, you want to be "modern" and "equal", ok, great! Lets be "modern".
> 
> Lets apply this same line of thinking to another tradition, and see how well that goes over.
> 
> NO engagement ring. Oh you don't like that? Oh but don't you know, the engagement ring is a symbol of ownership, just like changing your name. It means you are my property, therefore I am your owner. What do you mean thats different? Its exactly the same. If you aren't my property, why do I have to buy you?
> 
> ---plus it's a pain for the woman and he knows that---
> 
> This is a weak excuse. If you are in control of your life and have some organization over your business, you can accomplish this quickly and easily.
> 
> Hey, taking out the garbage is "a pain" too. So can I stop doing that?
> 
> ----ut since we take your name, i feel that the husband is the "head" of the house. he should also then act like it - protect, take control when necessary, etc. i guess i'm just a modernized old-fashioned girl.----
> 
> Agreed COMPLETELY. But, if you expect me to do all the above, don't fight me tooth and nail every step of the way. I hate when women say "I want a man to take charge", but then whenever he does, she fights him or criticizes him, or says everything he does is wrong.


All that is lovely but if you have love in your life and heart then everything else shouldn't matter. Taking a name is a tradition and a choice. That's the defining characteristic of being human CHOICE and each person makes it for them selves. :rofl:


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## Chopblock

Well then, she needs to "choose" to indulge me on this, or I need to "choose" to either marry someone else, or get a LOT of concessions in return.


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## trafficgal

Chopblock said:


> Well then, she needs to "choose" to indulge me on this, or I need to "choose" to either marry someone else, or get a LOT of concessions in return.


Supposedly you could put it that way. Whatever rocks your world as they say


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## carmaenforcer

My ex and I spoke of this topic being we were engaged but never married it never came to pass but I was willing to take on my fiancees last name. I had been married once before and divorced and have always been a believer in only being married once till death do us part and since that didn't play out I figured what the heck. What does it really matter anyway if vows are not forever as they claim to have to be, then why should any other aspect of traditional marriage be observed or respected.

Ok now, I have a question that comes to mind in this day and age.

In a same-sex marriage between two "men" or women I guess, who takes who's name? 
Can they, or anyone for that matter simply make-up a new name and both take it on? Is that even a legal option in any state in the US or elsewhere?


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## Chopblock

Wow.... I did not expect so many to agree. I'm tempted to post this in the men's forum and ask them if it was a dealbreaker.

I'm not sure how it works for same-sex couples.


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## snix11

My guy and I talked about it before. 

We had toyed with the idea of combining our names into a new name. His is Dole, mine is York so that makes us... wait for it... The Dorks! *ugh*

When polled, half the kids groaned and half loved the idea. I wasn't thrilled.

Then there was the "I want a child with you talk." I agreed to have one more, at great risk to my health. (5th C section and other problems) But to make him happy, I did. He is now a happy healthy 9 month old boy. 

However, I did let him know that if he wanted the baby to have his last name, he needed to marry me. He did not, although he talked about it often, so the baby has my last name, like all my other kids except for my 21 yr old daughter.

So we are a two name family now. Four kids with my name, two with his. I would have gladly taken his name and changed the other kids to his name if he would have wanted it. He didn't.

I was married once before, and took the man's name, old fashioned southern girl that I am. When we got divorced and he decided to marry a 20 yr old (he was 40 then) and did not have want or have ANY contact with our son, I changed our son's name to my last name. Ex H didn't care. 

Then I lived with the abusive controlling guy for 8 long years. He actually changed HIS last name to MINE. Not to be close to me, but because he figured it would be easier for him to get half of everything I own. Oh please. So that's two more kids with my name.

So by the time I got to this relationship, I had three kids with my name. Yes, the man should be in charge. Yes the man should call the important shots. Yes the man should be the main breadwinner, car fixer and protector of the family. Yes the man should marry his woman and make her his in name. But when he doesn't, for what ever reason, a girl is FORCED to take action. My action has been to make my children's names my last name. None of the ex's ever paid any child support and still don't. If I have to support them and the ex's don't have any contact with their kids (their choice) then to me it's only logical they should have my name.

I'm old fashioned too I suppose.


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## Shameless

I took my husband's name. I did it because I love him and I am a bit old fashioned I suppose. I never even thought about keeping my maiden name. Just doesn't seem right to me. Even if I were famous, I would still have my husband's name.


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## humpty dumpty

It didnt even cross my mind to do any thing but take my husbands name ,it was a way that we were joint as a couple and now has a family.
We have addopted my brothers children ( he past away) and we kepted his name for them as a way that they can remember where, they came from i think its important to sort the name thing before you get married !! saves confusion on medical records , future childrens school records etc , but at the end of the day its just a name


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## GPR

My wife and I talked about her keeper her name. Not anything to do with "equality" or anything like that. All things being equal, she would've just taken my name.

But we have a son, that is no biologically mine. He has her last name. So she considered leaving it so that he wouldn't be the only person in the household with that last name. He was only 3 when we got married, so it wasn't like he had grown to it. 

So she ended up doing the hyphenated last name. *hers*-*mine* as kind of a concession I guess. We kept up with Tradition, but she still has that name there as well.


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## Junebug

I wonder how many people that did take their spouses name would change back to their maiden name after divorce. I've been married almost 14 years, my married name is part of me. I can't imagine going back to my maiden name. Plus all the kids have our family name. Hmmm... Something to ponder I guess.


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## flygirl_2009

Junebug ~ My sister was divorced Christmas 2008 (He served her papers; found a younger gal bla bla bla). Anywho, she changed back to her maiden name but the two children that they have are keeping the father's name just because of the hassles of changing it on all the records.


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## voivod

my wife works at an all female ob gyn...many of the doctors are married...were doctors before marriage...they kept their maiden names..."professional" names" i suppose...and it does make sense if you've been seeing "dr. jones" for a long time...


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## GAsoccerman

well for a DR, pharmacist, they have a license to practice, which is usually in their maiden name. This is the case for my wife.

Her Diploma, her License has her maiden name on them, becuase we were not married yet.

This is one of the reasons she made her Maiden name her middle name, this way in a professional standpoint she has her maiden name and her now married name.

I have no problem with her using it for her professional career. 

I am very proud of her and what she has accomplished. I made a copy of her intial License which is HUGE and had it framed and we gave "the copy" to her parents to proudly display in their home, Again with her Maiden name on it.

Her parents were beaming with Pride, as they should.


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## Chopblock

I had forgotten I started this thread, and am glad to see so much lively discussion.

Perhaps I can add another for the ladies: if a man insisted that you take his last name, would that be a dealbreaker for you?


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## GAsoccerman

Chop I think you should start a new thread on that one...should be good


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## lonestarwife

I have been reading this thread for awhile, yet never posted a reply. Everyone seems to be avoiding the "deal breaker" aspect. I wanted to take my husbands name and never even wanted to use my maiden name as my middle name. I CHOOSE to take his name and he CHOOSES to give me his name. It is a case of, finding someone who believes the same as you. I wanted to take his name, and he wanted me to take it. It is all about finding some one who matches and compliments "you". If I wanted to take my husband's name and he didn't want me to, it would be a "deal breaker", because we would obviously not have the same views in life.


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## snix11

After one failed marriage, I changed my name back to my maiden name. I knew I wanted more children and proceeded to have five out of wedlock by four different men. We never got married, I do not ask the men for child support or help and only one of them chooses to be involved with the kids. All the kids have my last name.

In my current relationship, he decided he only wants friendship, not 'true' marriage after three years. So when our baby was born, I kept my maiden name.

I also have two businesses and a professional name I've made thru my maiden name tho, so I'm sure that is part of it.


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## Marcis74

my new wife (both on second marriages ) took my name after we were married but she never took the name of her first husband because she was simply too embarrassed of him and his family to do it. 

Her inlaws put her through hell. 

she said to him if it was so important he could fix their wedding day 

he was simply too gutless to do that which is why she eventually walked out


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## tiredandout

Good friends of mine actually formed a completely NEW name for themselves when they married, combining first parts of both their names. In my country most last names have direct meaning, though, so this maybe works better than in English. As in: She was called "Broadbay" and he was called "Happinessplace" — now they're called "Broadhappiness".

I thought that was awesome.
My brother and his wife both changed their names too, to an older name from my SIL's family. 

Me and my H both kept our names. There was only small discussion about it. Thing is, ours was in a way a marriage of convinience, allowing us to stay together in the same country long enough to really enter a deeper relationship (you may think what you want about this, we were young and in love). Also our names are in completely different languages so combining his first name with my family name or vice versa would've created an awkward combination. 

To each their own!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I am proud to take my husband's last name. His ex wife did not.

I took my ex h's last name too, but I hated it. I wasn't fond of him either.


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## Writer

I've taken my husband's name because of two reasons. I remember that I was one of the only blood grandchildren, and my grandparents were sad that their legacy was ending. (Since then, I had a male cousin come into the family) Of course, I love my husband and am very proud of him. I am proud to have his surname.

When my other cousin got married a couple of years ago, his wife kept her last name and hyphened it with his. There was an outrage in my family over that.


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## FirstYearDown

I took my husband's name out of love for our new life together and to show that I wanted us to be a family. A new name was my new beginning as a married woman. 

It's a good thing I wanted to change my surname! My MIL sat me down and told me that since the 1800's, every wife in their clan changed her name and I was expected to adhere to the tradition. I swear to God she's Bunny Macdougal.


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## Jane_Doe

I took my husband's name. My older sister is not married to her long-term on-again off-again boyfriend-fiance thing. They have three kids and they all have HIS surname, not hers (we all think it's to keep him assured that they're even his). So when she did things like enroll them in school and take them to the hospital/doctors, she'd always have to prove she was actually related to them, her own kids. That gave me pretty strong ideas about the whole family unit sharing one surname.

And as for making him change to 'my' name, it matters very little to my feminist beliefs whether I/we use my father's name or husband's name. Either way isn't particularly shattering to the patriarchy in my book lol.

He just happens to have the same first name as my father, so it wasn't even an option for him to take my father's surname too.


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## EleGirl

I used both last names, thus I was 

Mrs. Joe HubbysName – traditionally Mrs. Ele HubbysName is wrong usage as I was married to Joe and not myself, Ele.

Or Ms. Ele MaidenName HubbysName

Or Ele HubbysName

Or Ele MaindenName {This is what I use at work and professionally}

Why?

I did not want to lose the trail to my professional work. And changing names on every account, investment, business endeavor is a hassle.

Using both names is a tradition in my family as well. Even my older female relatives in Italy used both their maiden name and husband’s names as their legal names. When I say older, I mean women who were born in the 1800’s. It was the social norm in many “upper crust” families. 

While taking the husband’s last name is traditional in a lot of the USA, it is not necessarily so for the entire world.


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## WorkingOnMe

Maybe I would have felt differently had I married later in life. When we started dating I was 19 and she was 20. When we married, I was 21 and she was 22. Taking my last name was a deal breaker for me. Thankfully it was never an argument or even a conversation. At the time, we both just assumed....we're getting married, so her name would change.

I do feel like, if she were the only one in our family of 5 with a different name, it would somehow make her seem like an outsider and not truly and completely part of the family. Like, if we had different names, maybe we'd have separate checking accounts, and maybe we'd have to split the bills down the middle like a dating couple instead of a married couple.


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## Anonymous07

I took my husband's last name because this is the beginning of our family and I am proud to be his wife. I want all of us to share the last name, with the 2 of us and our future children. It is a hispanic last name, which may seem odd for someone as white as myself, but I love it! He was never pushy about me taking his last name and offered to take mine, but I wanted to take his.


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## TiggyBlue

I kept my last name and our kids will have both our surnames or we're going to think of a new surname for us and our future family.


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## Stonewall

I don't think it would be a deal breaker but it woould make me question her commitment to me long term.


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## SimplyAmorous

Stonewall said:


> I don't think it would be a deal breaker but it woould make me question her commitment to me long term.


 When we married, of course I wanted to take his last name, that is a part of him, when 2 become "one" - the beginning of our family unit... it is another symbol of our commitment and sharing of ALL in our lives- some traditions make alot of sense to me... this is one of them...most especially if you plan to have children. 

I just asked my husband how he would FEEL if I balked at taking his last name.... he accually responded it would be "unacceptable" to him....saying that is really bad, like I didn't care.... even rude. 

If I was a man, I would likely feel the same. 

The question itself seems almost foreign to me... I guess this is becoming more & more common in today's culture then. Maybe more so in the big cities. Where we live, I don't know of one woman who hasn't taken her husbands last name in marraige.


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> When we married, of course I wanted to take his last name, that is a part of him, when 2 become "one" - the beginning of our family unit... it is another symbol of our commitment and sharing of ALL in our lives- some traditions make alot of sense to me... this is one of them...most especially if you plan to have children.
> 
> I just asked my husband how he would FEEL if I balked at taking his last name.... he accually responded it would be "unacceptable" to him....saying that is really bad, like I didn't care.... even rude.
> 
> If I was a man, I would likely feel the same.
> 
> The question itself seems almost foreign to me... I guess this is becoming more & more common in today's culture then. Maybe more so in the big cities. Where we live, I don't know of one woman who hasn't taken her husbands last name in marraige.


I was about to write the same thing about it being a foreign concept to me. Honestly, I had never even heard of this in reality. What I mean by that is that I have noticed some female celebrities continue to be addressed by their maiden name. I never gave it a thought as to whether they officially retained their maiden name or just continued to use it for celebrity purposes. I don't use celebrities as a measuring tool for anything.

I've never even heard this brought up in conversation where I live, and i can't think of a single woman who didn't take the husband's name. I was thinking the same thing, it must be more in big cities.


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## heartsbeating

My husband's surname is slightly tricky; one of those ones that always has to be spelled out for people to get. My maiden name is a cool surname lol. We had fun thinking about creating a whole new surname for ourselves.... the things we came up with, it was a lot of fun and silliness! And I guess our ties to our family background aren't particularly strong, so that wasn't part of our thinking.

But when it came down to being serious and deciding, I said I'd be honored to share his surname with him. He was surprised and asked if I was sure, and re-enacted how he has to spell it out. I said I was ready to share that pain with him. All in jest though. I like that we represent as a family through our surname. I don't think it's necessary as such, but we do both like it. I do think it represented a level of commitment to him.


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## Runs like Dog

Wife's maiden name is actually German but they're French. My last name is pure Russian Jew. We tried hyphenating her name but the income tax software literally blew up when it tried to print a check with that many letters. 

My own first name (see prior comments on never being named by my parents) is French; I should have taken her name. At least it wouldn't sound like bolts in a blender.


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## heartsbeating

Since posting I asked my husband about this - it's something we haven't spoken about in years. He said he'd be fine with me having my 'maiden' name, but it'd mean he'd change his name to mine too. Or we'd make up a new name. It doesn't matter so much to him that I took HIS name, rather that we share a name together. Then we had a laugh about how we have to spell it out. But it really doesn't bother me.


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## EleGirl

WorkingOnMe said:


> Maybe I would have felt differently had I married later in life. When we started dating I was 19 and she was 20. When we married, I was 21 and she was 22. Taking my last name was a deal breaker for me. Thankfully it was never an argument or even a conversation. At the time, we both just assumed....we're getting married, so her name would change.
> 
> I do feel like, if she were the only one in our family of 5 with a different name, it would somehow make her seem like an outsider and not truly and completely part of the family. Like, if we had different names, maybe we'd have separate checking accounts, and maybe we'd have to split the bills down the middle like a dating couple instead of a married couple.


This is a good point.... there are different circumstances. In your case it made a lot of sense.


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## EleGirl

Marcis74 said:


> my new wife (both on second marriages ) took my name after we were married but she never took the name of her first husband because she was simply too embarrassed of him and his family to do it.
> 
> Her inlaws put her through hell.
> 
> she said to him if it was so important he could fix their wedding day
> 
> he was simply too gutless to do that which is why she eventually walked out


Ok, this makes no sense. Why did she marry him if she was embarrased of him and his family?


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## Tikii

I took my husband's name. There was no question about it, and I think it would have been a deal breaker for him. It is a sign of respect, and our union. I feel it is the ultimate sign of outward commitment. I wanted to carry his name. I am proud to be his wife, and proud to have his name.


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## Tikii

Not only that, I wouldn't have a different name than my children, and hyphonating is not an option.


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## bubbly girl

I'm an old fashioned girl, I guess, and I believe in taking the husband's name. I was so proud to take his name, I wanted everyone to know I was his wife.

To me, when you marry you're creating your own family. You should share the same family name.


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## Browneyedgurl020610

Took my husband's name. The only time I ever heard of a woman not taking their husband's last name is if they were some sort of celebrity.


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## Trenton

I practiced my new name right after my husband proposed to me. Was excited and proud of the new name he was offering me.

However, if I wanted to keep my maiden name and he said I couldn't...that'd have been a deal breaker.

Just asked him this and he said...could care less either way (hence I married him).


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## bubbly girl

Trenton said:


> *I practiced my new name right after my husband proposed to me. *Was excited and proud of the new name he was offering me.
> 
> However, if I wanted to keep my maiden name and he said I couldn't...that'd have been a deal breaker.
> 
> Just asked him this and he said...could care less either way (hence I married him).


I practiced writing it way before we were married. LOL

I'd write (my first name) (his last)

Mrs. (my first name) (his last)

Mr. & Mrs. (his first name and last)

I think most girls do that, especially if you marry fairly young.


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## Trenton

bubbly girl said:


> I practiced writing it way before we were married. LOL
> 
> I'd write (my first name) (his last)
> 
> Mrs. (my first name) (his last)
> 
> Mr. & Mrs. (his first name and last)
> 
> I think most girls do that, especially if you marry fairly young.


Hmmm maybe. Got married at 21. I'd never admit to him I practiced his name before we got married like you did but I'll admit it to you! :rofl:


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## costa200

Interesting that this subject has come up. I was just reading something about some feminists wanting to name their children with their own surname...

From the conversation i got there it seems dads are little more than sperm donors. They seem oblivious to the fact that the surname is the father's because women always know that they are the mothers and giving the kid the father's last name is a way to signal to society that paternity is not an issue.


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## SimplyAmorous

I can think of a situation where I might balk... When I was a teen, me & some friends went to a Conservation camp ...and this one boys last name was >> "Queer".... yeah, even as kids, we were having a hay day with that, even thinking .."OH my I feel sorry for his wife someday, what if she is a Teacher !!!" :rofl: Then we've all heard of that "Weiner" Politician... couldn't really blame these wives if they had some hesitation & wanted to hang on to their maidens!!


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## bubbly girl

SimplyAmorous said:


> I can think of a situation where I might balk... When I was a teen, me & some friends went to a Conservation camp ...and this one boys last name was >> "Queer".... yeah, even as kids, we were having a hay day with that, even thinking .."OH my I feel sorry for his wife someday, what if she is a Teacher !!!" :rofl: Then we've all heard of that "Weiner" Politician... couldn't really blame these wives if they had some hesitation & wanted to hang on to their maidens!!


:rofl: 

I have to agree!


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## Pandakiss

I hyphenated my last name. My husband didn't want me to take his last name (his family is something else) 

Our kids have my maiden name. We talked about taking mine, combining our names, didn't work out. 

So I kept mine and added his.


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## graceunderfire

I did the same as Pandakiss... I use my maiden name and our kids have that as a last name. My husband's last name is awful... or at least I think so and wanted to save our children from the cruelty of other children...the kids are teens now and want to use their dad's name as part of their name so I am thinking of adding it with a hyphen for the kids.
I never wanted to have a different name from my kids as after my previous marriage I had to always explain that I was not Mrs. so and so but I am the kids' mother... a real pain as no one liked the new Mrs. so and so at all and I did not want to be associated with her in any way.


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## arbitrator

Both my ex and my STBXW took my name, and inserted their maiden names into their middle name slot. Now my STBXW already has it in the legal paperwork to have her name reverted to her original maiden name, although she had also been married prior.

Traditionally, I think that it would be _appropos_ for a woman to take her husbands last name, but it certainly would not be a "deal-breaker" for me.

I can definitely see reasons for not doing so, more especially if she is a professional of some kind, whereby changing her name might possibly cause confusion with her clientele as well as the general public.


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## lalsr1988

If my wife would not have agreed to take my last name I would not have married her until she relented.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe

I would not want my children to have a different name than me. I would feel excluded.


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## cloudwithleggs

My estranged husband took my name, of course his reason was he had a federal prison record and it was to his benefit, then there were always debt collectors chasing him and of course his bankruptcy, not sure it would help him with credit having a different name.

I personally would like my last name remove from him.


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## Pandakiss

WorkingOnMe said:


> I would not want my children to have a different name than me. I would feel excluded.



I can see how you could feel like that. My oldest name fit better with my last name, and some could have been legal problems so we used mine. 

What legal problems well, I'm 11 months and 3 weeks older than my husband. In our state the legal age is 18. 

You can be 15 and 15. Not 16 and 15. You can be 16 and 16. Not 16 and 17. 

I was 17 when I gave birth. And in 4 months I turned 18. My husband (then boyfriend) was 16 and in 4 months he turned 17. 

We went to the same school and were in the same grade....I didn't go picking up a middle schooler 

So when we had the trips years later, we gave them the same last name as the first. They will be around longer than us and have the bond of same last name.


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## captainstormy

My fiancee and I are getting married next June. She is taking my name.

I guess I'm not one of those fancy new age modern guys but yea it would have been a deal breaker if she wouldn't. It would make me feel like she wasn't committed to me or serious, which is how she would feel if I didn't wear my wedding ring.


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## AwwSnail

I'm divorced, I took his name and changed back to my maiden name after the divorce. I changed my DDs name to mine, with his support. I am raising her and he has very little to do with her. I had a second DD and named her my name right out the gate. 

I am now engaged and I am worried about changing my name. I want the same name as my children. If I were able to change their names w/o a battle; I'd be in favor. I don't think hyphenating it would be a good idea, our names together is kind of silly. He said he is open to taking my name, but would really prefer that I take his...so we'll see. Its still being discussed.


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## credamdóchasgra

I had mixed feelings about it. I tend to take awhile to come around and do what "everyone else" does or most people, or even some people.

H and I agree that it'll be an important and definite change when we have kids.

But if I feel inspired before that happens, I'll change it. He doesn't have strong opinions about it, because he's proud of the things I've done under my own name.


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## credamdóchasgra

I will say that I don't understand people being judgmental of the choice others make whether to take hubby's name or not. I've seen the judgment on both sides: 
"How could you NOT take his name, you feminazi? two become one!"
"Oh you're so antiquated and don't have an identity of your own, how could you take his name!"

I know two sisters, each happily married. One took her husband's name, one didn't. Each couple respects the other's decision.


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## CharlieParker

My wife was going to take my name but a problem quickly arose as I, she (Sue Mary) and my unmarried sister (Mary Sue) worked in the family business. The confusion of having a Sue Mary Parker and a Mary Sue Parker in the building was epic, especially for incoming phone calls. Lasted about 3 weeks. Seems a lot people have trouble with compound first names (and don't get the 2 started on the DMV). She will answer to Mrs. Parker, but hey, I can be Mr. Roses just fine too.


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