# I don't know what to do



## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

We've been married for 8 years and have 3 kids together. I'm also bipolar. I think I want out. Growing up I was abused by my father. 2 years ago though my dad came into my life a changed man so I accepted him back into my life. Our relationship was just perfect at once. My husband has raised 6 times his hands at me knowing what that's does to me. The lies are just all the time with him. About 2 weeks ago my dad was killed. He left and my word has fallen apart. Instead of having my husbands support I don't. I have to deal with my dad's death, the really bad relationships with my mom and sisters and now him threatening to leave. I called him out and yet on another lie the day my father died. I could of been there while he was still alive but because of his lie I wasn't. Meanwhile a few days before that we had a long long convo and he said everything would be different. I can't deal with this right now and he dissent care or respect anything. He says he loved me I just don't see how he can love me and instead of holding me hand kick me more while I'm down. So tonight he's leaving and for the first time I won't be trying to put sense into his head or try to figure out what's really the problem. And then I keep thinking. I live in Greece and there's no help from anyone really. If he leaves how do we survive? I have 3 kids and no help. In order for them to get into daycare I first have to work. What do I do with them until they do? What kind of job since I don't have any background? I can't deal with all this at the same time. What do I do? I've tried everything with him and nothing seems to work. I love him but should I just let him go? If he wants to leave he will I'm just wondering do I fight to save my marriage again or do I just give up?


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## statuscomforts (May 18, 2015)

I feel like maybe there is more to this story. I wish I could hear some recorded conversations. Why would you let someone back into your life that abused you and messed up your head for life? Did that frustrate and confuse your husband?


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

..


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

My husband at first was angry with the going back and forth. I kept cutting my dad out my life only to put him back in. On 2013 though that all changed. He came on his own back into my life with my husbands support and ever since then everything was great with my dad.
My husband on the other hand knowing what I've been through has raised his hands at me. It's been 2 years that he hasn't though. The verbal is enough. The lies are just terrible. I feel like he's selfish and I can't go through anything without having to pay attention to him as well 24/7. He lies and pretends like I'm not even alive. I'm 100% sure he's not gambling as I once thought or cheating. I don't know what else to do. I need to grief and figure out how to get back on my feet while having to deal with finance issues, my mother and sisters, raising 3 kids and now this. I can't do it. He won't back off though.


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

G


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## Marlo (May 14, 2015)

First, sorry for your loss.

I think adding the stress of going through or starting a divorce after that kind of loss will be tough. You can let him move out, and from what you said its probably better for you, but maybe not go through legalizing anything. Your kids are his kids too right? If so dont think you have to worry about daycare expenses and things like that on your own. I dont know how thing work in Greece but maybe allow him to have primary custody for a while while you go through school or try to find a good job? Then go back to joint custody.


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

He left tonight. My world is coming down at me crashing and he just left. I didn't chance him to talk to him this time. I just don't have the strength anymore. My kids are his yes. Count system here is just so flawed. To even get a court date for these kind of things it would take about 2 years to do so. I just have to exept I guess how worthless of a mother I am. I can't provide for them or relay on him. I really just can't believe he left me like this.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Do you have friends or family who can help you? Doesn't he have a legal responsibility to assist in taking care of the kids? Do you attend a church by chance that could help you out?

I don't know anything about Greece, but are there any local resources that you could seek out help from?

It sounds like you shouldn't keep begging him to stay anymore. I'm thinking your best chance now is to let him go and let him see what it is like on his own, and hope that he wakes up and has a change of heart.


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

Part of why this time around I can't fight my depression on my own is because I'm all alone. I feel like an abandon stray. I have no one. No relationship with my mother and 2 sisters. All I had was him. And for a whole that was good enough for me. I'm not begging. And I don't beg I just try to tell him what I think is the right thing. Sometimes he agrees and others no. I fight back though. I don't just sit back while he tried to ripe my family apart because he misses being single and free. I don't have the strength this time. I need someone here with me so much. I really can't fight this alone. If he can't see how I'm at my lowest point or sees it and is leaving regardless what more can I do? How do I accept that after everything we've been through and have accomplished he doesnt actually love me? How do I make peace with that?! And now??? Now that I'm fighting to put myself back together??? 
No not a part of a church or anything. If we go to court he would have to give me child support. But if he doesn't nothing happens. Everything is on his terms whether I like it or not. It's just not fair. This isn't what life is suppose to be. A marriage take 2! I need him and he just left me. This is just too much for me.


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## nadia89 (May 20, 2015)

*Sometimes I wish my husband can feel just a little of what I feel so he can understand. Or if not understand just hold my hand. my world is coming down on me crashing. He left me with my suicidal thoughts and my 3 girls all alone. When he met me I couldn't even cut a potato. By the time I got pregnant with our first born I had made sure I was a chef in the kitchen, a cleaning lady and a best friend for him. I fell hard for him. I didn't leave Greece because I wanted to be with him although I was suppose to go back to New York where I grew up. I didn't get my license because he thought it wouldn't be safe since I was pregnant to our second girl. I didn't go to beauty school because he thought the time wasn't right. I couldn't work because I had no help with the kids and I can't now either. For them to go to daycare I first have to have a job. How is that gonna happen? I've stuck through him being without work for 16 whole months while we were eating at a shelter. I stuck through the times he's hit me. I've shut my mouth when I knew he was having a bad day from work. I'm 123 pounds and 5.7, I fix my hair and I'm not in pjs all day everyday. I'm there whenever he needs me. I even stuck through the fact that I gave birth to our third girl all alone because he had the stomach flue. I lost my grandma 3 months ago and at first I couldn't handle it but within a week I was doing a lot better because I wanted her to be proud of me. May 6th my father was killed and my world got teared apart. I can't fight this on my own this time. And he left. He actually left me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Nadia, sorry you are in this position. From your posts though it is not quite clear what is going on. You are in a bad place with the death of your dad, your own BPD and now your husband but you need to try and pull yourself together.

It appears you have been in a long term abusive relationship. Is your husband Greek and you are American? Is there any organisation you can turn to in? Check this out.

Where do your mother and sisters reside? Why is your relationship with them bad? 
How easy would it be for you to return home to the US?

Do you have any friends who can be there emotionally for you in Greece? can you join a church for support?

Can you seek any financial support with an NGO/church ?

Please check out your rights in Greece, can you get a court order asking for support from your husband? What about welfare?

You are not clear as to why your husband is always lying. Why exactly did he leave? Is he still in contact?

People on this forum can try and give you advice but you have to be much clearer with what exactly is happening. 
If you reach out in your community, there will be people who can help you.


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

nadia89 said:


> To even get a court date for these kind of things it would take about 2 years to do so.


First of all y have to calm down.
Second y have to find a lawyer to consult. In your case the two years you mentioned is totally wrong. Within two weeks you will be able to have temporary full custody and alimony around 1000euros/month. Y can do it even yourself if y don't have money for a lawyer. Y may go to the Courts (Ευελπίδων) to the measures of urgency dpt. and ask the secretaries there to assist you.


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

nadia89 said:


> If we go to court he would have to give me child support. But if he doesn't nothing happens.


Also wrong. Actually very wrong. Legally he will have terrible problems if he is not paying the ordered by the Court alimony/child support.


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