# what is the worst part of Infidelity ?



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Is it the lying ?
the fact the person you have as partner is being intimate with another?
Is it the fact you feel inadequate as a lover?
Is it the fact you self confidence takes a beating ? 

For me I think it would be the lying cheating going behind my back , 
I could deal with the inmate part the fact that I was lied to would hurt me the most


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## Fixer (Jun 20, 2021)

Intimate part wd be a dealbreaker, point of no return. Emotional affairs -you can get over them, depending on their severity, spouses remorsefulness and your estimation of the future with this person.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

First two.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Fixer said:


> Intimate part wd be a dealbreaker, point of no return. Emotional affairs -you can get over them, depending on their severity, spouses remorsefulness and your estimation of the future with this person.


Not sure about that, an emotional affair that goes on for months would be far more damaging than a one time physical affair.

For me it's the lying, the deception.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

The lying and the betrayal from someone who is supposed to be your support.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

The lying. Looking me straight in my face and lying. Realizing that the person you trusted with your life thinks that you’re apparently so stupid that you’ll believe the most off the wall bs that comes from their mouth, things that make absolutely no sense but they think you’re an imbecile who can’t possibly put two and two together to come up with four.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Paying the divorce lawyer


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

The lies are mustard on the crap sandwich to me.( I hate mustard) 
I could never be intimate with a girl who had sex with someone after we had. Be it just dating around and she does another guy, we are not getting jiggy with it after she has went else where.

The overwhelming connection i felt with my wife while she was carrying our children was something that one has to experience to understand. If she were to commit adultry, in my mind that means she wants that same connection with another man. Sex can cause pregnancy, so to me that means she wants to carry that mans child. 
There is no coming back from that for me.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

frusdil said:


> Not sure about that, an emotional affair that goes on for months would be far more damaging than a one time physical affair.
> 
> For me it's the lying, the deception.


For a woman, maybe.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It's just that you really don't know. Don' know what's happening. Don't know where it is headed. Don't know where you stand. When you wake up in the morning, you don't really know where you will sleep that night.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

For me it was finding out that my life was a lie.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Openminded said:


> For me it was finding out that my life was a lie.


This resonates with me so much. Also questioning what was even real in our relationship if anything at all?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

RNSoSo said:


> This resonates with me so much. Also questioning what was even real in our relationship if anything at all?


Yes, I’ve questioned that many times.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I think it is all of it together. That is why so many have a hard time wrapping their head around what just happened. Each thing listed is going to provoke different feelings.

I absolutely hate being told a lie. Lying about it breaks the trust in a relationship completely.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

The feeling that there is always another shoe about to drop. The sense that the person whom you were the most vulnerable to betrayed you in the most intimate way.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

I have and always had the no other penis rule. If another penis has been placed in her hand or anywhere else, there is no forgiveness, no further talking, no excuses, no justifications, nothing. It is divorce and she is cut out of my life. End of story. This is and always has been my hard line and I will never yield and have never compromised on that. I will never talk to a woman who does that to me again in any social or cordial manner. Communication is limited to matters that are legal or business and as little of that as humanly possible.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> Is it the lying ?
> the fact the person you have as partner is being intimate with another?
> Is it the fact you feel inadequate as a lover?
> Is it the fact you self confidence takes a beating ?
> ...


Thankfully I've never had to deal with this, nor do I believe I ever will. 

The lying and me feeling like a fool for living a lie would be unbearable. This would cause extreme embarrassment. Much worse is the intimacy and emotional connection with someone other than me. Those connections are meant to be between us and only us. I think I would rather have her plunge a knife in my chest than do this to me.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Thankfully I've never had to deal with this, nor do I believe I ever will.
> 
> The lying and me feeling like a fool for living a lie would be unbearable. This would cause extreme embarrassment. Much worse is the intimacy and emotional connection with someone other than me. Those connections are meant to be between us and only us. I think I would rather have her plunge a knife in my chest than do this to me.


It’s worse than a knife to the chest…at least you can see that coming.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the lying for me would be the worst , I had a man that lye to me over the last 10 years over just simple stuff i was helping him and he lied so if my wife did the same it would be 10 times worse ,


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

My wife had a pretty serious emotional affair but without the physical part.

The hardest part for me was feeling I was no longer safe. Someone I relied upon that I could say anything to, trust fully in.....losing that in one instant.


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## it.was.an.ea (Jun 21, 2021)

I also have the no penis rule. Fortunately, it didn't get that far.

The worst part would be all the effort and years you wasted on someone that didn't deserve it. We only live once with only so many years... none to waste.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your bank account becomes as empty as their heart.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The loss of personal agency in your life because you lose the ability to make informed decisions.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> Is it the lying ?
> the fact the person you have as partner is being intimate with another?
> Is it the fact you feel inadequate as a lover?
> Is it the fact you self confidence takes a beating ?
> ...


For me, it's not so much the sex and whatnot, it's the emotional connection that would hurt the most. I even told my wife that we wouldn't divorce if she were to have sex with another man, but if she had any contact with him after, divorce is imminent.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Learning that you weren't enough, that they needed more than you could provide.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

RNSoSo said:


> This resonates with me so much. Also questioning what was even real in our relationship if anything at all?


Totally agree with this. 

I also think no matter what you feel like you should have seen it coming. You feel like an idiot. You feel like you should have been able to vet this person out better, which of course isn't logical otherwise there would be much fewer stories of cheating on TAM but it's hard not to feel that way at first.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

It was mainly that he wasn’t the man I THOUGHT he was.

and the man he revealed himself to be - I didn’t want that man.

it had nothing to do with me - we had a marriage most people would dream of having… he was greedy and selfish.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Al_Bundy said:


> Totally agree with this.
> 
> I also think no matter what you feel like you should have seen it coming. You feel like an idiot. You feel like you should have been able to vet this person out better, which of course isn't logical otherwise there would be much fewer stories of cheating on TAM but it's hard not to feel that way at first.


And to find out your famiky and friends knew and did not say anything.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

The lying, deception and touching someone else.
It reduces the whole relationship to one big lie


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

The loss of faith in yourself, your decisions, love, sex, all of it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Openminded said:


> For me it was finding out that my life was a lie.





it.was.an.ea said:


> I also have the no penis rule. Fortunately, it didn't get that far.
> 
> The worst part would be all the effort and years you wasted on someone that didn't deserve it. We only live once with only so many years... none to waste.





Beach123 said:


> It was mainly that he wasn’t the man I THOUGHT he was.
> 
> and the man he revealed himself to be - I didn’t want that man.
> 
> it had nothing to do with me - we had a marriage most people would dream of having… he was greedy and selfish.


These pretty much sum up how I felt about being cheated on. My ex knew it was the worst thing he could do to me (I made it quite clear before we married, my father cheated on my mother) and he did it anyway, the physical A was my breaking point. That was a big eff you to me, especially since we had a sexless marriage. 

The worst part of it is I'm left wondering what the point of my life is, I hate that my future direction is something I never wanted for myself, but I'm left with no choice. I hate that it's destroyed my desire to be married again, b/c even though I am in love with someone new, I'm too well aware of how it can all come crashing down in a moment the minute I take someone at their word.


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## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> I hate that my future direction is something I never wanted for myself, but I'm left with no choice.


Yes! This was a big one for me. All these dreams and visions of how I thought my life was going to go and in an instant that all changed because someone else decided to be so damn selfish


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## Intolerant72 (Jun 17, 2021)

I personally believe it to be two fold, at first it is the instant betrayal and you find yourself thinking back to the times that for whatever the reason you asked and they told but it tastes like horseshit in your mouth while swallowing it. They have insulted your very being with regards to what they tell you verse what your own brain is telling you. Second for me was the personally attack on me as a man that was suppose to protect his family from harms no matter what kind and to find out that you are actually sleeping with the enemy will take down every sense of your manly hood and every aspect of it.
Just my own thoughts on the situation and every other affair will differ.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

TXTrini said:


> These pretty much sum up how I felt about being cheated on. My ex knew it was the worst thing he could do to me (I made it quite clear before we married, my father cheated on my mother) and he did it anyway, the physical A was my breaking point. That was a big eff you to me, especially since we had a sexless marriage.
> 
> The worst part of it is I'm left wondering what the point of my life is, I hate that my future direction is something I never wanted for myself, but I'm left with no choice. I hate that it's destroyed my desire to be married again, b/c even though I am in love with someone new, I'm too well aware of how it can all come crashing down in a moment the minute I take someone at their word.


My father also cheated on my mother and I told my husband before we got married that there would very likely be no coming back from that if he cheated on me. He either didn’t believe me or he didn’t think he would get caught. The end result is that I no longer really trust what someone says so more marriages for me.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Openminded said:


> My father also cheated on my mother and I told my husband before we got married that there would very likely be no coming back from that if he cheated on me. He either didn’t believe me or he didn’t think he would get caught. *The end result is that I no longer really trust what someone says so more marriages for me.*


Yeah, I'm in the same boat. XH was totally convinced I would never divorce him because we share a child. So he felt it was ok to cheat. XBF after divorce didn't really want me anymore so decided to stray. Sometimes it's better to be alone than have that feeling like the bottom of your stomach dropped out, like when you are walking downstairs and miss a stair? I am perhaps not happy in the way I had anticipated (found love again, settled, building a family) but I am content with my lot. I have my son. Sometimes I miss certain things about being in a relationship but I don't miss wondering when the ball was going to drop.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

guys that steal cars don't expect to get cough cheaters think they can get away with it , many do , I would even say very few get cough , I once talked to a woman that had an affair with a married man the things she would do to protect the other man from getting found out , not only sit quite when his wife would phone to ask when he would be home , and here him say to his wife he was at the gym , ware no lip stick or perfume met up in a park cheap date , until then I thought the other woman was into it for the gifts the high life most don't seem to get anything more than an eye and attention. 
and the worst part is the men that cheat even though they give affection attention. so called love to the woman most men have no intention on leaving their wife , but it is the wife that boots them out , then they go running to the next best thing any port in a storm 

seemly 70% of women take back a cheater and 30% of men take back a cheater . but when i look up these type facts I find it hard to believe that so many men cheat , and so few women cheat , because if so many men cheat are they cheating with single women or paying for it or are they cheating with other men to have such a big gap


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> guys that steal cars don't expect to get cough cheaters think they can get away with it , many do , I would even say very few get cough , I once talked to a woman that had an affair with a married man the things she would do to protect the other man from getting found out , not only sit quite when his wife would phone to ask when he would be home , and here him say to his wife he was at the gym , ware no lip stick or perfume met up in a park cheap date , until then I thought the other woman was into it for the gifts the high life most don't seem to get anything more than an eye and attention.
> and the worst part is the men that cheat even though they give affection attention. so called love to the woman most men have no intention on leaving their wife , but it is the wife that boots them out , then they go running to the next best thing any port in a storm
> 
> seemly 70% of women take back a cheater and 30% of men take back a cheater . but when i look up these type facts I find it hard to believe that so many men cheat , and so few women cheat , because if so many men cheat are they cheating with single women or paying for it or are they cheating with other men to have such a big gap


I think your stats may be off. I think just as many women cheat as men.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> I think your stats may be off. I think just as many women cheat as men.


There are many women who are quite willing to share a man and/or wait for him. I've never understood why anyone would want that mess in their life. After all, a known liar is no prize. I don't care to share.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> There are many women who are quite willing to share a man and/or wait for him. I've never understood why anyone would want that mess in their life. After all, a known liar is no prize. I don't care to share.


The chick that my husband cheated with had a boyfriend. 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> I think your stats may be off. I think just as many women cheat as men.


I've found that most people would _rather_ cheat than have an honest open relationship, which completely baffles me. This even applies to single women who'd prefer that I'm cheating on my wife than being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Married but Happy said:


> I've found that most people would _rather_ cheat than have an honest open relationship, which completely baffles me. This even applies to single women who'd prefer that I'm cheating on my wife than being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship.


Simply baffling


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> The chick that my husband cheated with had a boyfriend. 🤷🏼‍♀️


Gross! I don't like the idea of 2nd hand cooties hehehe


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> Gross! I don't like the idea of 2nd hand cooties hehehe


I asked my husband if he enjoyed the creme pies…😏


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Intolerant72 said:


> I personally believe it to be two fold, at first it is the instant betrayal and you find yourself thinking back to the times that for whatever the reason you asked and they told but it tastes like horseshit in your mouth while swallowing it. They have insulted your very being with regards to what they tell you verse what your own brain is telling you. Second for me was the personally attack on me as a man that was suppose to protect his family from harms no matter what kind and to find out that you are actually sleeping with the enemy will take down every sense of your manly hood and every aspect of it.
> Just my own thoughts on the situation and every other affair will differ.


You took the words right out of my mouth. Spot on sir.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> guys that steal cars don't expect to get cough cheaters think they can get away with it , many do , I would even say very few get cough , I once talked to a woman that had an affair with a married man the things she would do to protect the other man from getting found out , not only sit quite when his wife would phone to ask when he would be home , and here him say to his wife he was at the gym , ware no lip stick or perfume met up in a park cheap date , until then I thought the other woman was into it for the gifts the high life most don't seem to get anything more than an eye and attention.
> and the worst part is the men that cheat even though they give affection attention. so called love to the woman most men have no intention on leaving their wife , but it is the wife that boots them out , then they go running to the next best thing any port in a storm
> 
> seemly 70% of women take back a cheater and 30% of men take back a cheater . but when i look up these type facts I find it hard to believe that so many men cheat , and so few women cheat , because if so many men cheat are they cheating with single women or paying for it or are they cheating with other men to have such a big gap


Women cheat as much as men nowadays. It probably has always been that way, men are just more likely to admit to it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> I asked my husband if he enjoyed the creme pies…😏


🤣🤣🤣🤣
Or kissing him with her **** mouth!

Girl, I read the other woman/man forum at Loveshack, bc I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be a side piece. Lots of women settling for pieces of men who treat th like unpaid prostitutes and bawl for more...

I'll never understand that whole mindset.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I think your stats may be off. I think just as many women cheat as men.


 I never quoted the stats for how many men or women cheat and what I said was " but when i look up these type facts I find it hard to believe that so many men cheat , and so few women cheat , because if so many men cheat are they cheating with single women or paying for it or are they cheating with other men to have such a big gap "


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> I've found that most people would _rather_ cheat than have an honest open relationship, which completely baffles me. This even applies to single women who'd prefer that I'm cheating on my wife than being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship.


some women seem to like the nice to look at nice to hold and nice to know they have a wife to go home to ,
in the days before contraception when women had their children they were happy that their husband found a mistress 

the sites like g-----n seem to work well in the beginning whet they were new and catered for people that wanted to cheat but women were free to join this said to me there was more men than women wanting to cheat ,


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

All of it - but the fact that you can't ever escape it, even after all these years. It doesn't hit quite as hard now but there is not a day that it doesn't cross my mind. Being duped right under your nose, ignoring the red flags. The fact that she got to a point and just dropped the whole topic - not for discussion. "It was only sex"..stupid remarks like that. It's a stain that doesn't wash out, it just fades a little.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I think your stats may be off. I think just as many women cheat as men.


Some interesting stats in the link below.

According to that site 18-29 year old women are a little more likely than men to cheat, but as you go up in age men become more likely to cheat than women. The percentage of women cheating goes up with age too, just not as steep as men.

Overall it says 20% of men and 13% of women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse, while married. That is really sad. That means statistically, 2 of every 10 married male friends of mine have had a PA. This doesn't even count EA.

And as far as staying together: _"Men who cheated are more likely than their female peers to be married. Among men who have cheated on their spouse before, 61% are currently married, while 34% are divorced or separated. However, only 44% of women who have cheated before are currently married, while 47% are divorced or separated. This gender difference could reflect the fact that men are more likely to be remarried than women after a divorce. A portion of currently married “cheaters” may be remarried, since we can't tell from the data whether or not the person who cheated is still married to the spouse he or she cheated on. "_










Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America


The last few months of 2017 treated us to a whirlwind of news coverage on sexual harassment and abuse, with powerful men from Hollywood to Washington, D.C. falling because of sexual misconduct. It continues into the new year, with Missouri Governor Eric Greitens the latest to fall. And most of...




ifstudies.org


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Some interesting stats in the link below.
> 
> According to that site 18-29 year old women are a little more likely than men to cheat, but as you go up in age men become more likely to cheat than women. The percentage of women cheating goes up with age too, just not as steep as men.
> 
> ...


Sad state of affairs eh? 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Some interesting stats in the link below.
> 
> According to that site 18-29 year old women are a little more likely than men to cheat, but as you go up in age men become more likely to cheat than women. The percentage of women cheating goes up with age too, just not as steep as men.
> 
> ...


 i think the stats are way under stated when 1 in every 2 marriage breakdown you take out just the cheater and you will get about half so that is 1 in 4 but add in the ones that cheat on their bf /gf and the ones that do not brake up , not to talk about the people that never get found out ,


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> i think the stats are way under stated when 1 in every 2 marriage breakdown you take out just the cheater and you will get about half so that is 1 in 4 but add in the ones that cheat on their bf /gf and the ones that do not brake up , not to talk about the people that never get found out ,


If they are wrong it would be safe to assume they are under since people probably wouldn't say they cheated when they didn't. This data is from self reporting. I think most people are probably truthful when being asked anonymously. So I think this does include those that didn't get caught. And it is only married people. Unmarried would complicate it. You would need to know are they really in a committed relationship.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I asked my husband if he enjoyed the creme pies…😏




i didn’t have to look at the name to know who posted this.

frenchpaddy, I think it’s going to be different strokes for different folks. I can deal with many things, but as a wise man once said, I like my coffee like I like my woman; without another man’s penis in it.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

LATERILUS79 said:


> i didn’t have to look at the name to know who posted this.
> 
> frenchpaddy, I think it’s going to be different strokes for different folks. I can deal with many things, but as a wise man once said, I like my coffee like I like my woman; without another man’s penis in it.


👀


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> I asked my husband if he enjoyed the creme pies…😏


I shouldn't laugh; infidelity is no laughing matter but..


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Horizon said:


> I shouldn't laugh; infidelity is no laughing matter but..


I’d rather laugh than cry so 🤷🏼‍♀️😂


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

The hardest part for me to figure out is how a person can look you in the eyes and say he or she loves you and wants to be with you forever, while the whole time cheating and planning to cheat behind your back. It has to be some kind of psychopathy. I have just started this journey.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

I will say that infidelity by my first wife many years ago shaped my life to make me who I am today. While I can easily talk about the experience today, when I was going through it, it was the most traumatic thing I ever experience and something that has lasted with me to this day. It's effected the way I trust people. Simply put I don't trust anyone completely. I look at trust like a pane of glass. Once its shattered its impossible to put it back together like its new. Some people can get back together with a cheating spouse but I don't see how they do.
I've heard a couple sayings I always remember that work for me. "If they will do it with you (cheating), they will do it to you" and "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I won't give anyone that second chance.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Willnotbill said:


> I will say that infidelity by my first wife many years ago shaped my life to make me who I am today. While I can easily talk about the experience today, when I was going through it, it was the most traumatic thing I ever experience and something that has lasted with me to this day. It's effected the way I trust people. Simply put I don't trust anyone completely. I look at trust like a pane of glass. Once its shattered its impossible to put it back together like its new. Some people can get back together with a cheating spouse but I don't see how they do.
> I've heard a couple sayings I always remember that work for me. "If they will do it with you (cheating), they will do it to you" and "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I won't give anyone that second chance.


i can understand this , I moved to france new world and it was nice to be a big hit everyone seemed to want to be my friend , until I found one competitor that did some very nasty things , and the so called friends left over night , after that I remover the word friends from my world and only stayed friends with a very small amount untill the day one of them showed he was living a on lies and been two faced , that turned me off friends


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

For me one of the biggest hurts is the realization that all the time and investments (intellectually, emotionally and financially) that are put into making a strong relationship can just be uprooted and thrown out into the dumpster like so much rotted vegetation. It's bad enough to suffer the emotional turmoil, but then you are faced with looking at future relationships and asking yourself "Am I willing to make the same investments in the future?" Probably not, and any future BF or GF you have will be paying the penalty for the crimes of their predecessors.


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## emptyandoverit (Apr 14, 2021)

It was a combination of those things for me. I didn't really "care" about the physical affair. I mean that hurt but comparing myself to him he wasn't sh*t and was an absolute downgrade. I mean the thought of some man stroking my wife in my bed for sure does not feel great, but that isn't honestly what stuck with me. It was the lying and the betrayal that got me the most. The fact that I was building a future with someone who was a snake the entire time hurt bad. Then the constant lying and justifying of her actions in an attempt to win me back and do it again sucked. But mainly it was the betrayal by someone who I trusted so much.


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## Tom HATES Kerrie & Larry! (Sep 6, 2021)

The lying and intimacy for me. I found out last week and she still won't come completely clean about it. I know 98% more than she thinks I do. She's supposed to be at her mom's this weekend to get away and clear her head, but she's actually at his place while I'm at home with 2 kids. 
She doesn't know that I've seen what's been FaceTimed, or texted...pictures, videos. It's absolutely disgusting. I can't eat, sleep, or concentrate on anything. My BP is up, heart feels like it's beating out of my chest and I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack 24/7.
I decided that I would give her a chance to repair things this weekend, because I want to keep the kids in a stable home, but when she drove away I knew I couldn't stay with her. I can't imagine touching her ever again. To make matters worse it's with someone we went to college with that my kids have heard me tell stories about what an asshole this guy was back then, she knows that if I had to pick the one person on earth that I wouldn't want her with it's this guy. 
We've been together 24 years and I can't believe that the person that I would die for looks me in the eye and lies so nonchalantly. She's taken 24 years and in the past 2 months thrown it all away. It's completely ruined my past, present, and future. I don't think I'll ever fully recover from the betrayal. 
I found her sobbing in the shower floor Thursday night and asked if I could touch her, I rubbed her back and shoulders trying to keep her from hyperventilating. I put a bath mat under her and wrapped her in towels while I consoled her, her the one that caused this. I managed to calm her down, dry her off, and get her dressed. I then spent 15 minutes trying to comb the tangles out of her hair. 
Later that night in bed I felt her leg rub against me so I rubbed her back and shoulders. In that moment I decided that if there were ever a chance to save my families future this was it, but when I tried to roll her towards me she wouldn't budge. It was then I let go, rolled over, and knew we were over. Friday night we went to our son's first high school football game. She left straight from the game to go to her mother's. As she said bye to me I told her that she was better than this and she just played dumb like she didn't know what I was talking about. Earlier today I had a friend that lives close to the new boyfriend send me a picture of her car in his FaceTime,
The trust is completely gone and I can't fathom being intimate with her if ever given the chance.


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## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

You probably already know this but you need to quit consoling her, telling her she's better than this, etc.. Her actions show that she is not who you think she is at this point. When she was having a breakdown in the shower probably would've been best to let her marinate in it and not try to render assistance.

Sorry that this is happening to you.


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## Tom HATES Kerrie & Larry! (Sep 6, 2021)

amorous_1 said:


> You probably already know this but you need to quit consoling her, telling her she's better than this, etc.. Her actions show that she is not who you think she is at this point. When she was having a breakdown in the shower probably would've been best to let her marinate in it and not try to render assistance.
> 
> Sorry that this is happening to you.


I realize that now, but at the time all I could see was the mother of my kids and someone that I've been with for half my life. I guess I was hoping she was remorseful enough to stay and try to work it out. I don't even know how I'll react to her when she gets home tomorrow and hear my 10 yr old asking what her and Grammie did for 3 days. I had the lawyers hold up on the paperwork to see if she really went to Larry's house this weekend. I suppose I'll be giving them a call Tuesday to go ahead and proceed. I hope she can find a good deal on moving boxes because she's about to need a bunch.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

damn larry the more i see your story it's basically mine. I was in your boat 3 months ago. 10yrs marriage and my wife left to "clear her head", "space", etc...whatever you want to call it. ANd same, whenever she would come over for the kids I was consoling her, she was feeling ****ty, little did you or I know that the guilt/shame was from the fact that they were ****ing another guy behind our back.

I found phone records a month into it. It's sickening, absolutely sickening. I was in it, you want to stay together for the kids; and i still have my moments, even AFTER i see her true colors. The kids make it extremely tough. Be happy yours are older and it can be a cleaner break.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

amorous_1 said:


> You probably already know this but you need to quit consoling her, telling her she's better than this, etc.. Her actions show that she is not who you think she is at this point. When she was having a breakdown in the shower probably would've been best to let her marinate in it and not try to render assistance.
> 
> Sorry that this is happening to you.


i mean yeah once you find out abouto the cheating that's obvious. But to a newly abandoned spouse, all you see is your life falling apart and the woman you have poured your heart into broken in the shower. It's not in your wheelhouse to leave her there crying. At that point you're doing whatever you can to save your marriage and 'leaving spouse alone to cry in the shower' is not in that playbook


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## Tom HATES Kerrie & Larry! (Sep 6, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> i mean yeah once you find out abouto the cheating that's obvious. But to a newly abandoned spouse, all you see is your life falling apart and the woman you have poured your heart into broken in the shower. It's not in your wheelhouse to leave her there crying. At that point you're doing whatever you can to save your marriage and 'leaving spouse alone to cry in the shower' is not in that playbook


There may have been a bit of gamesmanship in consoling her too. Earlier that night I overheard her on the phone with her mom talking about how badly I was taking it and sobbing into my pillow, and in the walk in closet laying onthefloor(it was to try and not wake the 10yr old who sleeps across the hall from us). She complained about having to hear me all week and me getting emotional, and her having to ask me to leave the closet so she could get to her clothes. I wanted partly to console her to show her that I was a better person than her.


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## Tom HATES Kerrie & Larry! (Sep 6, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> damn larry the more i see your story it's basically mine. I was in your boat 3 months ago. 10yrs marriage and my wife left to "clear her head", "space", etc...whatever you want to call it. ANd same, whenever she would come over for the kids I was consoling her, she was feeling ****ty, little did you or I know that the guilt/shame was from the fact that they were ****ing another guy behind our back.
> 
> I found phone records a month into it. It's sickening, absolutely sickening. I was in it, you want to stay together for the kids; and i still have my moments, even AFTER i see her true colors. The kids make it extremely tough. Be happy yours are older and it can be a cleaner break.


Larry is the other guy, I might need to change my username.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Where to begin? Maybe the worst is you're kinda screwed. If you are married with kids, mortgages, shared assets and obligations, you are now in a miserable mix of sh*t and there is no easy way out. You are kinda screwed. You have been put in this miserable stew and it's no so easy to just say "Chuck it."


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