# How do I approach this?



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Its been 4 months since he told me he didn't love me anymore and to leave the marital home. It's been 2 months since the birth of our daughter. 

We don't talk, and when he does come visit the baby(which is for literally 3-4 hours a month) he doesn't even look at me.

Even after all of this detachment, he STILL hasn't filed. I don't know why he won't.

I won't because I don't want to do all of the work for a divorce I never wanted in the first place.


I guess my questions are: 
Why hasn't he filed if he wanted rid of me?
Should I bring it up? If so, how do I initiate that kind of conversation?
and
Should I just file?


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

abandonmentissues said:


> Its been 4 months since he told me he didn't love me anymore and to leave the marital home. It's been 2 months since the birth of our daughter.
> 
> We don't talk, and when he does come visit the baby(which is for literally 3-4 hours a month) he doesn't even look at me.
> 
> ...


Why hasn't he filed? Do actually expect this little boy to take responsibility and "do" anything.

You file if that is what YOU want. 

I would not tell him either, since his actions make his intentions clear. Not to mention, do you actually expect to have a productive exchange with him? i think you know the answer to that.

Personally, I believe that you should because the longer he drifts around in separation land, the longer he avoids the financial responsibilities that the legal systems will hold him to.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I agree with spun, do you actually expect him to follow through? I suspect that he either has second thoughts sometimes or does not want to look like the bad guy for filing. Probably the latter.

If he is not going to follow through, make the decision for him. I would file simply to force his hand. $hit or get off the pot. He has apparently made his decision, go ahead and file the paperwork to make it legal. 

I am not sure why you are even questioning this, he left you and is not coming back. File for divorce and move forward with your life. Stop looking back and waiting for something that is not there. Make sure to include language for everything you are legally entitled to receive (Child support a/o alimony). He helped to father a child, he is obligated to support _his_ daughter, regardless of whether you all are married or not.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

I am not waiting for him to come back. I have already filed for child support...so he isn't getting away with EVERYTHING I guess. But still, I get what you're saying. 

I want him to file because: A. Its what he wants. and B. I want him to suffer at least ONE consequence. Just one. Even if it is just causing him a slight inconvenience of going to the courthouse one morning and filling out paperwork. 

I feel like if I file, I am weak and that it might send him the message of: "I can do whatever I want and someone else will take care of everything for me" I just didn't want to make it easier on him than it already is.

I thought "Okay, he doesn't want me anymore, but the least he could do is do the filing and stuff, right?" I mean I just had our baby and it was a very rough(almost fatal) labor for both me and her. If he had the balls to tell his pregnant wife to leave, then why doesn't he have the balls to _really_ finish things? Ugh.


This is so unfair. I am taking care of the baby we PLANNED AND I have to do all of the heavy lifting to take care of a divorce I never wanted and fought hard against anyway? WTF.


I don't see him suffering at all. Karma is a myth.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

I just reread what I wrote this morning...am I wrong?


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I agree with you, AI. I'm not filing for the [email protected] If he wants to divorce me, he better get to steppin'.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Idk how it is in y'all's (hey, I'm from the South!) states but where I'm at when you file you can always put an addendum in the filing that the other has to reimburse you for all legal expences - that's what I plan to do for both the cost of the LS and whatever costs I incurr for the D. There is the possiblity that the other party can always counter you but seeing as how my STBXH is a lazy and cowardly SOB I highly doubt he'll even read anything before signing away. Seriously, if he wasn't such a pr!ck I might actually have some pity for him...

I'm going thru with the LS to protect myself from him possibly coming after me for alimony (I doubt R is possible as STBXH's car has been in posOW's driveway every damn morning) seeing as how now that I'm no longer there boy is broke as a joke! Hope posOW enjoys her new 31 year old son!:rofl:

And to me, now this is just how I feel personaly, I'd rather go ahead and get filing the LS out of the way cause not doing just makes me feel like I'm letting STBXH string me along even further. I told that SOB that I'm moving on and serving him with the LS is just one more way of proving it to him.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

No, you are not wrong for how you look at things. If he has the balls to ask his pregnant wife to leave, you would think he had the balls to file the paperwork too.

Personally, I just would not want this hanging over my head for a long period of time. Get it over with so there are no lingering questions or legal issues to deal with down the road. 



abandonmentissues said:


> I feel like if I file, I am weak and that it might send him the message of: "I can do whatever I want and someone else will take care of everything for me" I just didn't want to make it easier on him than it already is.


You are not weak, filing that paperwork is a hard choice. Be smart about it. Write the paperwork so that you legally get everything. If he is to lazy to file, he might be to lazy to read. Then by default, you would win.

FYI, karma is there, it just can take a while.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Thanks all.


I just feel...tired. I don't want to do anymore work. I am mentally and emotionally drained which drains me physically.

He just seems so...content.


Good for him.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I didn't want my divorce to begin with either.

I waited around on the filing aspect of things for months (now almost 8 down) but after being 'threatened' with going to court at least 3 different times when she didn't get what she wanted, I did what I never wanted to do.

I filed.

That with the fact she threatened to take the children away at one point (which I called my daughters current school and the one in her town immediately to c0ckblock) it gave me no other choice.

She would threaten court, then say "I really don't want to do this, just like you".

I was sick of it.

You can only take so much, but continuously saying "I can only take so much, I'm so tired of this all" does you no good.

I commend you for everything you have been through, I see the strength you have in the face of adversity (and the fact that you have taken some of my more stern advice with open arms) but there is much more to do and to come.

Do not give up now, if you need a break. Then take it.

There is no harm in turning off this part of your mind for a few days and get back into it when you are ready.


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Thanks Up.



I feel like such a wuss. I haven't filed, I know our marriage is over, and I let him have power over me...like, he can call for the one very two weeks(because he is a deadbeat jerk who thinks that calling twice a month to check on his daughter is enough) and just that 30 second call can make me see red.

And I let that happen, I let him make me angry.

It's sick.


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