# Dating a possible drug dealer



## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

She has two daughters that have been strippers and perhaps drug dealers. They all are moving to another state at the same time. She told me that one is running from the law in the state they live in. All have been in trouble with the law in the past but she won't tell me why. I don't know if they are drug dealers or scammers or what. I do know that she has a past of befriending people out of their will and/or property. She is able to use my address as residency and is either wanting to move to my town or another state and is asking me to move there. The entire family has a criminal past. She is good friends with a married man that lives close to her that does alot of work for her. I think she is cheating with him because she talks of him often and she only lives with me for a short time and then has to go back home to her state though she gives me no real reason why she can't stay with me longer. Not sure if she is addicted,or has a boyfriend or has a drug business to get back to in order to run. Help!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

And you are dating her because . . .?


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

We met on the internet. I had been recently divoced after a long marriage and was lonely. The info I give is what I have learned after we met and after I developed feelings for her and her for me.
To this point,it doesn't seem that she has started a relationship with me for any scamming or reasons to use me unless it would be to use my residence or use me as a cover-up. I offer no money or help,I show concern about her and her daughters past,and I do believe that she is sincere with me and loves me. Could be a mother that is hovering and protecting criminal children or a woman that is trying to change. But,as you might guess,I was lonely and perhaps blinded by love. She has gave me no solid evidence that she is cheating other than when we are together she has wandering eyes and that the married guy neighbor is a friend and does work for her. She is a woamn that likes to talk with construction workers near her house and the male friend is the type that is low income and from my perspective,a low life that visits female neighbors. Not sure. Maybe I am just feeling suspicious because of her children;s criminal past and the family lifestyle being low.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You realize that you are a fool if you think you are the one she's not going to pull something on, when everything else in her life is shady.

I mean come on, you see that right?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I realize you said you're lonely but your standards are so very low if you think this woman is the best you can do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dating this woman? Stop. Now.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Where do you think her daughters learned from?
At the very least, she is a horrible Mother, at most, she in with them neck deep.

I've known families like this. Cut off all contact NOW.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

good god man, there are other women out there.
she cant be *THAT* good in bed to make up for that.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> You realize that you are a fool if you think you are the one she's not going to pull something on, when everything else in her life is shady.
> 
> I mean come on, you see that right?


That thought has ran through my mind a thousand times....yes!
But,if she is faking and using me then hollywood has no better actors than this woman,seriously. She calls several times a day,says she loves,can't live without me and talks of living with me forever. I have no money or property for her to be after. If she is faking then I have no clue what she is after from me.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

2 x 4 time--You can do better! Your gut is screaming run; listen to it.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> I realize you said you're lonely but your standards are so very low if you think this woman is the best you can do.


Yes,a friend told me that I have 'settled' to be in a realstionship with this woman. There other details I could give to further show this but I need to keep it anonymous as possible should she or a child or friend read.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Delete the thread after a day or two


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bartimaus said:


> That thought has ran through my mind a thousand times....yes!
> But,if she is faking and using me then hollywood has no better actors than this woman,seriously. She calls several times a day,says she loves,can't live without me and talks of living with me forever. I have no money or property for her to be after. If she is faking then I have no clue what she is after from me.


How do you thing conmen and women make so much money and keep out of jail for so long???

*Because they ARE Hollywood standard actors!*


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> good god man, there are other women out there.
> she cant be *THAT* good in bed to make up for that.


OH YES SHE IS! That's another of my concerns. She supposedly was married for over 3 decades to a man that passed away and she has only had one boyfriend since. But...she performs like a taylor made porn queen pleaser with only the desire to please in whatever way you ask. 
Which has me concerned that prostitution may have been in her past. I so hope that I am wrong and that my suspicions are wrong. Guess you would have had to know my past experience and my ex to explain.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Bartimaus said:


> That thought has ran through my mind a thousand times....yes!
> But,if she is faking and using me then hollywood has no better actors than this woman,seriously. She calls several times a day,says she loves,can't live without me and talks of living with me forever. I have no money or property for her to be after. If she is faking then I have no clue what she is after from me.


They are *that* good.
My OW was telling me everything that I wanted to hear doing whatever she could to win me away from my wife.
Later I discovered that I was one of three men that she was working over to latch on to. He husband had finally had enough of her crap and left.

She was doing meth and her daughter ended up getting busted for dealing, so now I know where she was getting it. She also allowed her kids to go steal from parked cars all over our town and would drive them sometimes. This last paragraph only became known to me after I dumped her.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Geez,how do you even know she is who she says she is if you really can't confirm anything about her background?


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

DanF said:


> They are *that* good.
> My OW was telling me everything that I wanted to hear doing whatever she could to win me away from my wife.
> Later I discovered that I was one of three men that she was working over to latch on to. He husband had finally had enough of her crap and left.
> 
> She was doing meth and her daughter ended up getting busted for dealing, so now I know where she was getting it. She also allowed her kids to go steal from parked cars all over our town and would drive them sometimes. This last paragraph only became known to me after I dumped her.


Your last paragraph descibed my thoughts of her exactly. But when she is with me she smokes nothing but does take prescription meds (legitimate prescribed). But she only stays for two weeks at a time at the longest and then rushes home,or whereever.
I have talked to local police about this and they are not concerned as long as I keep my house and activities clean.
I have no doubt that she would aid and abide her children in whatever criminal activity they might do.
But I cannot figure out why she would be using me. In Ohio,if you stay one night in someones house then you have established residency is what the police told me. BUT,not sure why she would need to do that unless she had made a PO box address here. She is currently hinting to me to move to another state with her other than Ohio or the state she currently lives in. Which,her rental lease runs out in a few months and she was planning on moving and according to her...to Ohio. BTW...it was her that hit on me on the dating site first and though I tried to not get involved in a long distance relationship she pursued me. I was very lonely and needy. 
Is it obvious to everyone that she is a conwoman using me? If so,why can't I see it? She seems so genuine and true.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Have you done an identity search on her and her daughters? It would be worth the money to see if she has a criminal record. Other lies may turn up as well.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Have you done an identity search on her and her daughters? It would be worth the money to see if she has a criminal record. Other lies may turn up as well.


Well,I have been to her house and met her daughters and parents. I assume she is using her real name though I havn't seen her ID. She wouldn't even gave me her email address.
But I have her address and her vehicle plate number if I wanted to check that. But with the differnet illegal activities she is involved in I doubt that the house address or vehicle is even in her real name. Could be,and she could just be a small time con if that. 
I havn't done a background check on her because I figured that once I contacted the police,and thay have been by here several times while her vehicle was here,that they probably did a liscence check and background check. But,who knows.
HERE IS MY REASON FOR POSTING IN THIS FORUM......
The first time she and I had intercourse,she bled alot. Or at least there was blood on me. AND...I am not a monster at all. Geesh! I know there are reasons that she may have bled that are legitimate and innocent but...my gut feeling is that she has other boyfriends,perhaps the married guy that is her neighbor and the blood was left over from a goodbye sex. She hasn't bled since that first time though we have had intercourse several times.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Besides meeting women on the internet, you can also order background checks over the internet.  Try that, maybe you will be able to get some facts you can rely on. But make sure you check for any aliases. You could take her photo and that of her daughters to the police department and inquire there. But only if you really want to know the answer. You sound like one of my guy friends. A real sweetheart who has gotten used and abused by a lot of women with a lot of mental problems. He thinks I'm the cat's meow likely because I feel bad when he always picks up the tab for a meal, and always fret about being on a low-dose sedative and worry about having some kind of major mental health issue. LOL.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

man how old are you ?? this is my old world, and I can tell you now. YOU are being setup safe house, sugar daddy needy working stiff. Thats you. She trolls the site for guys like you. Good Lord man, she says no boy friends for a long time, comes to you when she is having a light cycle and have you thinking she a virgin. How is your credit score. You know that old saying, " one born every day ". She and her kids see you that way. So tell her you met someone and is breakin it off. Or strap in and get ready for the ride.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Go with your gut, it was right on with your XW and now it is trying to protect you again, so please listen to it.

This relationship is not healthy for you!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Bartimaus said:


> Well,I have been to her house and met her daughters and parents. I assume she is using her real name though I havn't seen her ID. She wouldn't even gave me her email address.
> But I have her address and her vehicle plate number if I wanted to check that. But with the differnet illegal activities she is involved in I doubt that the house address or vehicle is even in her real name. Could be,and she could just be a small time con if that.
> I havn't done a background check on her because I figured that once I contacted the police,and thay have been by here several times while her vehicle was here,that they probably did a liscence check and background check. But,who knows.
> HERE IS MY REASON FOR POSTING IN THIS FORUM......
> The first time she and I had intercourse,she bled alot. Or at least there was blood on me. AND...I am not a monster at all. Geesh! I know there are reasons that she may have bled that are legitimate and innocent but...my gut feeling is that she has other boyfriends,perhaps the married guy that is her neighbor and the blood was left over from a goodbye sex. She hasn't bled since that first time though we have had intercourse several times.


You did wear protection, right?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Does anyone have a link or any info about profiles or MO's of women that are scammers that might help me to learn if that is what this woman may be up to?
I guess that I have came to the conclusion that she is either a user and I may be one of many boyfriends she has or, she is setting me up for a scam to get property from me or working on a way to sue me and get money or property from me. Or,she is involved in some illegal activities that requires her to leave her state at certain times.
She is still vowing that she loves me and wants to be with me but she keeps making excuses why she can't come and be with me for awhile. I have asked her if she has an addiction she is hiding, I have asked her if she has another man,I have asked her if she is into any illegal activity and she denies all these things. But,she is making more and more excuses why she can't be here. I have no doubt that she is keeping something hid from me. It could be that she is helping her daughters hide and run from the law and she fears letting me know because I could become a possible witness in court,,,not sure.
She has left some clothing here for when she does eventually come back for awhile and she has left bottles of prescription meds here. 
She is telling me that she plans to move here in three months but right now is wanting to spend less and less time here like she has established either residence or a boyfriend to be with at her convienence but right now she can only be here at certain times. And I know that she is not that busy...at least....not that busy doing the things that I have knowledge of but of course she may be doing a whole world of things that I don't know about.
Am I just being paranoid and having trust issues and she may be helping her daughters stay out of prison or is she setting me up or using me? Never even knew anyone like her family. I do believe that her love for me is real,maybe I am being foolish.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Do NOT let her use your address for any reason. If you get implicated in her drug trade, even if you've done nothing wrong, you could pay terrible penalties, including forfeiture of your property.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

C'mon, Bart, were you born yesterday? Fall off the turnip truck? Just arrive off the boat? I don't usually like harsh posts, but you need a 2 x 4 big time.

Have some respect for yourself. Hang out with friends since you don't like being alone. Do not give this piece of trash a foothold in your life.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> C'mon, Bart, were you born yesterday? Fall off the turnip truck? Just arrive off the boat? I don't usually like harsh posts, but you need a 2 x 4 big time.
> 
> Have some respect for yourself. Hang out with friends since you don't like being alone. Do not give this piece of trash a foothold in your life.


I am not experienced in the dating scene due to a very long marriage I was in that ended last year.
I agree with your analysis but just can't find any evidence yet that my gut feelings are true and it's not just strong suspicions that I am having. I do have feelings for her and I don't want to hurt her by making a blind decision to brake-up based only on her childrens lives.
I honestly can't see any reason why she would be using or playing me. That's why I want to find some proof that she is up to no good or I can't brake-up with her. Although she knows that I want her to be here with me right now she vows that she has to get things packed up to move and that her bills are due and her lease is still active for a few more months there.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She won't even give you her email address. How odd is that?

And she may really love you, but many women like her will really love someone else tomorrow. Look at yourself, what would attract her to a man like you. I have met men in the construction business that used to scam women/men from inside prsion. telling many men and women how much they loved them, couldn't believe how much etc. One man said he had over twenty people sending them money gifts, etc. I'll bet this is why she disappears. How do you contact her when she is gone? Do you have a landline number or just a cell?

Tigers don't change their stripes.

Definitely sounds like a (ex) prostitute.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

get the online background check. Google reviews of the websites before you give them money. Look her and her phone number up on spokeo.com. If she is clean it will make you feel much better.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Don't you think that you would be better off with a woman whose motives you did not doubt? Your gut is telling you something is wrong. I don't know what she might be up to, but with so many single women in the world, why waste your time with someone whose honesty you question?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets say she is on the straight and nerrow and has othere legit business to attend to. Do you want to start a relationship when you are not the priority?

You could go out and find a women that doesn't have all this drama and find a women that is open and more caring.

Its only been a years since D and you should play the field.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

chapparal said:


> She won't even give you her email address. How odd is that?
> 
> And she may really love you, but many women like her will really love someone else tomorrow. Look at yourself, what would attract her to a man like you. I have met men in the construction business that used to scam women/men from inside prsion. telling many men and women how much they loved them, couldn't believe how much etc. One man said he had over twenty people sending them money gifts, etc. I'll bet this is why she disappears. How do you contact her when she is gone? Do you have a landline number or just a cell?
> 
> ...


Only a cell number of hers. We talk on the phone alot everyday. I do have an address and have been to her house but am not sure if her name is her real name and not sure how to prove it is.
She is very close to her children,this I know to be a fact and they are visiting her even though they have supposedly moved recently and living in another state from hers.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Bart: Way too many red flags popping up here! I could only recommend that you exercise your energy in some other direction because this situation would, no doubt, cause you heartache and possibly even worse.

There's a lot of good people out there. It's well worth your time and energy to shop around to find the one who has the potential to convey their love to you in much the same manner as you would for them!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why can't you break up with her without a good reason? You owe her nothing. 

Can you afford a PI?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I went out with a young lady who was suspected to be a drug dealer.

But it was all right! Turned out she was a part time call girl, instead!  Seriously. I was 22 and she was my first long term girl friend, who was six years older than me. (I am mid 50s, now)

What really did cause the relationship to founder was that she ended our relationship to be with a woman friend. That was the deal breaker...

****! And I wonder why sometimes I feel a bit messed up! 

But back to your problem. You would tie yourself to a crime family? Really?


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Bart: Way too many red flags popping up here! I could only recommend that you exercise your energy in some other direction because this situation would, no doubt, cause you heartache and possibly even worse.
> 
> There's a lot of good people out there. It's well worth your time and energy to shop around to find the one who has the potential to convey their love to you in much the same manner as you would for them!


I understand your reasoning. I guess that I am buying her story of needing to be there to pack to move,that she can see her children there,and it makes sense to me that she wouldn't give me alot of info due to the fact that I could be a possible witness in court against her children if I know alot. 
I am buying everything she is telling me but....can't make sense of why she can't come up here right now nor will she be able to spend as much time here as she did last month. Her excuse is doctor appointments and moving furniture and things from her house to a storage unit. 
I have thought of paying her an unexpected visit but can't bring myself to do it for some reason. Guess I want away from her if she has another man or if she is in the drugs right with her daughters. She definitly is aiding and abiding in my opinion. But she says that though the law is after one daughter,that daughter said the drugs were for her pain from serious injury that is legitimate but the whole family is moving and both daughters are drug users she has told me and live a wild life.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Way too much baggage, probable rebound relationship, it's a no brainer really.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Trust your gut, man. It will seldom lead you down the wrong path.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

PBear said:


> Why can't you break up with her without a good reason? You owe her nothing.
> 
> Can you afford a PI?
> 
> ...


Can't afford a PI. As far as breaking up without evedence....I love her and believe that she truely loves me. I know her well enough to know that she has always been an over protective mother that spoiled her children worse than I have ever seen. Though she loves me,she probably wouldn't put me before her children though they are all adults and on their own. I have told her that I would not want them to visit her at my house for fear of the law thinking that I might be involved in whatever they are doing. According to what she is telling me,they are all probably going to end up in my state and maybe in my city.
Though the daughters seem to be criminals,this woamn loves me and is trying to hold on to me though she knows of my concerns. I do believe she fears losing me but she will always let her children make life difficult for her I know.
I have determined that if the day comes after she and I are together all the time..if her children cause problems in my and her life then I will breakup with her. She maynot see it but she brings alot of baggage with her.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

You're so far deep in denial, that even if you had absolute proof staring you in the face that this "woman" is running a con on you, you would still find an excuse to overlook her "short comings."
Look, if you won't end this relationship, at the very least protect your health, wear a condom EVERY time you have sex & don't leave her alone in your house, she could be stashing drugs there.
BUT, most of all, don't let her use your address for anything!
I would hate to see your next post be about how to get her adult children out of your house, after having to post bail due to HER illegal activites.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

run away .... as fast as you can!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You do realize this tale is going to end with you either being bilked out of all your money, going to jail, or laying in a ditch, feeding blow flies don't you? I've made some crazy choices under the influence of vagina but none of it is worth the misery you are lining up for yourself.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

I need to ask a question here. I know there are some very insightful and intelligent people on here from my posting last winter. And I am asking for help and appreciate everyone's posts.
I have never met anyone that had children like hers. And in the back of my mind I have thought of all the terrible things just like some of you are doing. Listing things like I am makes it sound that there is a possibility that this woman and her children may be a family of low life drug dealing scum. And they may be,I don't know yet. But they may not be. They may be individuals that are poor and getting involved in criminal low life activity out of ignorance or maybe because they are crooked at heart. I honestly don't know. Just the mere mention of some of the things they are doing scares alot of people and makes the imagination run wild with assumptions. I have done that too because I am in love with this woman and she has convinced me that she is not involved or evil though it initiallly appears that way upon hearing of her life and her childrens life.
Again I appreciate every post. But I need info as to how to know if.. 1) She maybe cheating on me with another man or...2) She may be involved in illegal activity of any kind. 
As my posting here is making many concerned and making it sound obvious of her doing me wrong...I have no proof and have only assumptions to go on which may be only from the imagination because of other such stories we have heard in past years. Trust me,my imagination has gone off the chart wondering if this woman may be....who knows what,because of past like stories I have heard of. Matter of fact,I think I am beginning to burden and worry her with my suspicions. But she is being understanding of that and she is vowing that she did doing nothing criminal,has no criminal record,and that she is faithful and true to me.
I don't trust the internet background checks to give information other than what public records already have told me. I need ways to find proof if she is into illegal activity or if she has another boyfriend that she is with when not with me.
I have no way of checking her cell phone with it being in another state with her nor her computor. I could use a VAR in her car next time she comes up and maybe a tracking device on the car to see where she is going. But I guess I am saying that I want proof and not react out of fear by stereotyping her with other like individuals that I have heard of. I know that I may be a blind fool not wanting to see the truth,but,I only want to make sure before I make my move. 
I know very little as to how to properly get real facts about her and would appreciate any info as to what to do to know for sure.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Thinking is done with the head and not the heart or genitals. You mentioned they were avoiding the police because at least one had an arrest warrant? You mentioned prostitution, drug dealing, and maybe ID theft/fraud. Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm doesn't turn tricks, sell dope, or bilk old men out of their life savings. She never ran from the law. Your situation smells like trouble because it is. I'm sure you'll be ok. Even though you hooked up with her on the internet and you don't know her from Adam's cat; even though she's spending loads of time with another guy whom you believe she's nailing, despite all of this, she'll see that you're a nice guy and she would never take advantage of you. You're not like the 15,378 guys who came before you. Poverty is poverty and criminality is criminality. Abraham Lincoln was poor. He didn't turn tricks or sell dope and he didn't hide from the law.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Feel empathy and sympathy for them. 

*But at a considerable distance.*


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I will make this short and sweet:
1. You are absolutely crazy.
2. Get tested for STD's at once.
3. You are being used.
4. You will end up hurt: figuratively and literally.
5. You must have a giant sign that says sucker on your forehead. I do hope you do not have children because you are going to put everybody around you at risk. The bottom line is that you are a fool and sadly it does not seem to bother you.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

since you are determined to hang yourself, I'll just say this. If the kids are doing roxies then she most likely is too. they don't have to sell them to be screwed up. roxies abusers keep a string of FRIENDS to drift from while trying to have at least ONE thats the home base, " YOU ". Do you know if one of her meds is zanxies ? if so blues are probably in there too. I guess you are just really desparate to have someone, so you won't even listen to your gut. Just think, in a lil while, you will be here asking how to get this woman out of your life. I'm out dude.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

In matters of the heart, you should follow your heart but your brain should follow too. In this case, your brain isn't following at all.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I thought crystal meth ruins the enamel of your teeth. So it's easy to see who's hooked on it.

OP, in these later years of my life, given my health and therefore future job prospects, I have decided that I really don't have much to give. And the greatest gift that I can give to others is my enduring independence. As soon as you get involved with someone who is going to take away that independence, well, who's going to take care of you?


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Didn't want to start a new thread because of the info in this one would be needed to understand my situation tho some of it is not accurately told in case one of her sons is on here about his woman. Message me and I will explain. ANYWAY...she and I are brokeup now for the 5th time in a year,and there were 3 other times she was going to leave but I talked her out of it.
Here is the reason.....and please, in your understanding and comments...use this new info for it is what has made me crazy. 
This woman...will not,can not,so she tells me, control her eyes. Everywhere we go,even in church,she stares at men excessivly. She knows this hurts me but tho I see her do this all this time,and many times when she gets the guys to look back,she will smile. NOW. I know some on here think that and flirting is ok. But I am old school and believe in total committment. I find it wrong, I don't do it, and sne knows it hurts me but she will not stop. She actually tells me that she is not aware that she is gaulking and smiling at men. She tries to make me think that I am crazy and seeing things but I know what I observe, She also says that it was ok with her deceased husband and the guy she dated before me. And she says that it's ok if I want to look and gaulk at women as long as I wont hook up with one. Sounds sick to me. Problem is, I am very much in love with her but this has drove me insane and she says that she is innocent tho she admits to being man crazy.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

I thought the "bad boy" definition was gender specific and was only true when the "bad" pointed to a "male".

Stop.

And keep in mind,

Never trust a junkie. Drug dealer, user or whatever.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

verpin zal said:


> I thought the "bad boy" definition was gender specific and was only true when the "bad" pointed to a "male".
> 
> Stop.
> 
> ...


True. Because the guy she dated before me had been a member of the Mongouls 1% outlaw bc and had a conviction of rape that is on the net. Her sons (not daughters) have police records and are druggies and cheat on their wives. 
I think she may have been trying to escape that world but now realises that she cant and wants that sub-culture lowlife more than a good and decent life.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Well after reading this the only conclusion I can come to is


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Sounds like a keeper! 

How does it feel to be used? Not good, I'm guessing...

Get the hell away from her and her family ASAP!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Bartimaus said:


> That thought has ran through my mind a thousand times....yes!
> But,if she is faking and using me then hollywood has no better actors than this woman,seriously. She calls several times a day,says she loves,can't live without me and talks of living with me forever. I have no money or property for her to be after. If she is faking then I have no clue what she is after from me.


Do you have any income at all?
Are you a stable bill paying responsible person?

That's more than enough if the woman is low enough.

Get out of this one.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Bartimaus said:


> True. Because the guy she dated before me had been a member of the Mongouls 1% outlaw bc and had a conviction of rape that is on the net. Her sons (not daughters) have police records and are druggies and cheat on their wives.
> I think she may have been trying to escape that world but now realises that she cant and wants that sub-culture lowlife more than a good and decent life.


The above is all you need to know, there are so many skeletons in her closet she would need a shipping container to put them in,you don't even know half of them and unfortunately it may be to late once you do know. 

You don't see it because you don't want to, trying to explain it all away. Listen to your gut, its screaming you what need to know "Get away and stay away".


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Well, stay broken up this time.

The advice in this thread is pretty unanimous. Stay away.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I dont know why many men dont get the meaning of the word "love" correctly.

Evey-one is in love, they dont mind whether their love is banging the entire state team or whether they sell heroin or whether they do prostitution or whether they are sick and broken or whether they are going to take him to the road or whether they are going to send him to jail for being a participant in crime, they are in love.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Bart stop trying to rationalize this and give stories about her kids.. Why you think this or that.. WHO CARES ABOUT THEM ? She sure didn't... 

Bart do you have kids ?? I get the impression you don't. If you did you would completely understand kids get what they get from their parents.. 

My dad left when I was 12, never came back.. I was a latch key kids.. Mom worked 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. I worked 2 jobs to help keep our bills paid and our home my mom got in the divorce. 

*BUT*

My mom still had morals and instilled them in me and raised me what I think is right and correct. 

I did my wrong things growing up, but I KNEW They were wrong.. There comes a time *( I would say at the age of 16, for me )* that you clearly know WTF your doing and only have yourself to blame when you do something wrong..

We were piss a$$ broke.. I went from well off to broke over night. Trust me its harder to start off good and go backwards then the other way around. Definitely more of shell shock. 

Nonetheless YOU need professional help. You sound like me the first weeks of my divorce posting here.. 

You are extremely codepenant. 

Sadly reading your story I see myself the first few weeks after my wife left me. I'm literally getting emotional relating to your feelings and desperation trying to hold on some how and trying to make up any story to make this all seem rational and doable. 

Please seek help. I honestly and truly feel you will go down another rabbit hole that you will never, ever be able to get out of this time.. 

I'm not religious but Good Luck and God Bless..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife will often point out pretty girls and say "isn't she beautiful?" To which I will reply "I expect so."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> I dont know why many men dont get the meaning of the word "love" correctly.
> 
> Evey-one is in love, they dont mind whether their love is banging the entire state team or whether they sell heroin or whether they do prostitution or whether they are sick and broken or whether they are going to take him to the road or whether they are going to send him to jail for being a participant in crime, they are in love.


I don't get your meaning. Of course I care about what she is doing and she seems to try to change. She does love me but it seems that I have been in a relationship with a woman that I am trying to civilize or introduce and teach proper behavior like there may be a skeleton in her past of something like....she may have just got out of prison or maybe she had been a bike club property pass-around and she wants me to help her be a good and decent woman. 
I know this sounds pathetic, I know. But I also know she is in love with me and it's not my imagination. She has proven her love.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Bartimaus said:


> She has proven her love.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This woman has terrible baggage you do not want. There are other women out there. Especially those with a "clean record".

Dump this woman and move on. 

Never in a million years would I date anyone who is involved in illegal activities ever! Nor would I date an alcoholic or substance abuser. No thank you! This will only cause your life great grief and the possibility of you going to jail if she's truly a drug user, producer or seller.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I'll admit that I'm about as socially liberal as they come, and fiercely proud of it! But where I fastly draw the line in the sand is with "drug dealing!" I have zero tolerance for any of that activity. Period.

Those folks are an absolute scourge on society, who have absolutely no one other than themselves to blame!

Lose this woman quickly~ there are way too many good and worthy women out there. Call me hard-hearted, but no companionship is worth the sheer hell that a drug dealer, or even a user, will come to put you through!

If you truly want to do her a favor, get her into rehab, but keep your hands off of her!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Its pretty common actually, a lot of guys love being in crazy ass relationships with sketchy ass women. 

Sounds like you got a serious case of white knight syndrome, buddy. And when this woman gets your ass in jail over her crap or frauds you, your lofty notions won't mean jack sh!t to the cops. 

This is like a train wreck in slow motion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you know her real name for sure? Have you looked in her purse to check her driver's license? Have you kept track of her perscriptions? Whose name is on them?

With a person like her, your life is going to come crashing down around you sooner than later. Do you really need the drama? peole like her and her children look for 'nice people' to use. And they will use y ou until you have nothing left to give (financially, emotionally, etc). Then they will move on to the next person.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Bartimaus,

Have you consider that you have low self-esteem or low self-confidence? Something in you is making you devalue yourself regarding "love".

There must be better women out there for you. Have you tried working out? Volunteering at places where there are lots of women? Take ballroom dancing? How about cooking classes?

How about yoga? Lots of women there.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

I'm back after two years of hell on earth with her and oh do I have some stories to tell about drug families, scammers, and government cheaters. I have enpough info to put her in federal prison. You guys were right!!!! And...she played me,used me, and wanted me to help her scam social security,section 8,and participate in enabling her children to move drugs and do their scamming. OMG what a nightmare!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Bartimaus said:


> I'm back after two years of hell on earth with her and oh do I have some stories to tell about drug families, scammers, and government cheaters. I have enpough info to put her in federal prison. You guys were right!!!! And...she played me,used me, and wanted me to help her scam social security,section 8,and participate in enabling her children to move drugs and do their scamming. OMG what a nightmare!


Better late than never.:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So are you away from her now?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Bartimaus said:


> I'm back after two years of hell on earth with her and oh do I have some stories to tell about drug families, scammers, and government cheaters. I have enpough info to put her in federal prison. You guys were right!!!! And...she played me,used me, and wanted me to help her scam social security,section 8,and participate in enabling her children to move drugs and do their scamming. OMG what a nightmare!


Bartimaus,

You'd best serve yourself by just taking your lesson. I wouldn't obsess any of my thoughts over it. Turn her in if you want to. Talking about it is a kind of complaining which will weaken you over time. I would use the info to put her away and save her before she could get in more trouble, or simply move on with your life and get back onto the other side of the tracks where people don't live like this.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Bartimaus said:


> I'm back after two years of hell on earth with her and oh do I have some stories to tell about drug families, scammers, and government cheaters. I have enpough info to put her in federal prison. You guys were right!!!! And...she played me,used me, and wanted me to help her scam social security,section 8,and participate in enabling her children to move drugs and do their scamming. OMG what a nightmare!


Well, Bartimaus, at least you didn't go into this blind.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I'm back after two years!! but I'm not going to tell you the story now...you'll just have to wait..

call me cynical and all...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Lol this guy is like a ground hog. Once a year he pokes his head out. 

He got obvious advice two years ago and again last year. At this point, assuming the story was real, he deserved whatever happened to him. I'm hoping he doesn't share the story, cuz frankly nobody gives a sh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> So are you away from her now?


Yes since Feb. 2014.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Bartimaus said:


> Yes since Feb. 2014.


How much clearer has your outlook be? It's the clarity that's incredible after getting away from someone feeding you lies, bull ****, marginalizing you, etc.

I mean these stories give a lot of drama to talk about. However, talking about it isn't helpful for your mind unless your releasing pain. After a while, you will get addicted to complaining and that's not going to be good for your life.

Stay away from her or any like her. If you wanted to play with that stuff, you hit it and quit it or else you'll go through the same thing you just went through.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

You guys are funny. I can laugh at myself and at your chiding me because thru the relationship I behaved in a way that I now feel justified. Meaning...I did good for her. I have no doubt she and I were in deep love. That is the only thing she proved. But looking back now. She has three children. All married,over 30 years old, and with children of their own. But she never cut the cord with them and their drug messed up life, she enables by running to them and helping them when they are in trouble and they take advantage of her and control her life....and for a little while, my life. Her psycho family was the main problem. But here is something I would like some advice on. After about the 3rd date we had, I noticed her staring at other men when we would be dining out or actually any place in public. No, I don't mean looking,that's normal human acceptable behavior. She would stare a hole thru certain type of guys,the 'Bad BOY' type that she admitted being attracted to. It was so bad that a few of the guys would look at me and grin a type grin that made me think they thought they could have my woman if they wanted her. It was embarrassing!!! When I got tired of it and confronted her about it she said that it was ok with her deceased husband and ok with the guy she dated before me. Many times I would notice her staring over for example,my right shoulder. Her stare was to the extent that she wouldn't be 100% in the conversation I was trying to hold with her. And after awhile I would look away and out of the corner of my eye see her smile. When she did,I would turn and see a man looking at her. Even men that would be with another woman. 
When this became excessive with her and it was causing hurt and embarrassment for me, then she started denying doing it and calling me jealous. TO SUM UP...first she admitted it and said it was ok with the other two men in her life up to me but then started denying that she was doing this. Let me say this and let this thread rest unless you guys want to add more to the situational mess's that sometimes happen like I have shared here...she broke up with me in Feb. and vanished. Changed her phone number and moved. She was as dishonest as a person can get so I think she was cheating on me with an old friend and may have moved in with one of her criminal kids. Don't know what state she is in actually. And to add, her children and their spouses make a living off of drugs,scamming social security,law-suites, scamming section-8, and any way they can. The police records are online and I have mail that was in trash she asked me to take to the dumpster while we were at her apartment but I kept it. I did a VAC at her apartment but didn't get anything. Actually over a period of 4 days there,it only recorded her voice for about 5 minutes and she was supposed to have been there, But,there were car horns outside and the sound of her door opening and closing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Bartimaus said:


> You guys are funny. I can laugh at myself and at your chiding me because thru the relationship I behaved in a way that I now feel justified. Meaning...I did good for her. I have no doubt she and I were in deep love. That is the only thing she proved. But looking back now. She has three children. All married,over 30 years old, and with children of their own. But she never cut the cord with them and their drug messed up life, she enables by running to them and helping them when they are in trouble and they take advantage of her and control her life....and for a little while, my life.


That could be anyoone. Here friends, her parents can have control on her and thus control on you and your options while you are with her.



Bartimaus said:


> Her psycho family was the main problem. But here is something I would like some advice on. After about the 3rd date we had, I noticed her staring at other men when we would be dining out or actually any place in public.


Well some looking is fine, people will glance over and notice others. It's disrespectful staring and acting like you aren't there which is a problem.



Bartimaus said:


> No, I don't mean looking,that's normal human acceptable behavior. She would stare a hole thru certain type of guys,the 'Bad BOY' type that she admitted being attracted to. It was so bad that a few of the guys would look at me and grin a type grin that made me think they thought they could have my woman if they wanted her.


They probably could. That's a disrespectful type of staring, and when I was a cheater 15 years ago, I too used to push it like this. She might not even be aware that you notice, or does not care. These apex predators are in the same world as her, and they are above your head.



Bartimaus said:


> It was embarrassing!!! When I got tired of it and confronted her about it she said that it was ok with her deceased husband and ok with the guy she dated before me.


She might just be a real focused person. But I have no doubt how you described her she could've been making transactions right there with winks of her eye or nods... Right in your friggin face. What an empowering thing to do for her.



Bartimaus said:


> Many times I would notice her staring over for example,my right shoulder. Her stare was to the extent that she wouldn't be 100% in the conversation I was trying to hold with her. And after awhile I would look away and out of the corner of my eye see her smile. When she did,I would turn and see a man looking at her. Even men that would be with another woman.


A cheater will not care. If she got around alot she might have saw these guys out at the bars or the clubs. They could not in agreement of seeing each other, and now with the gf or wife who she never ever saw while he was chasing other females, it's almost like he's not really with this woman.



Bartimaus said:


> When this became excessive with her and it was causing hurt and embarrassment for me, then she started denying doing it and calling me jealous.


Here ego could've been doing it to make you jealous. Really ratty people do ratty things. One of the games they do is do things which would irritate nice people. There's a bunch of things you can do to make someone angry, jealous or feel slighted or even shrunk. I wonder if your d1ck ever started having problems with her through her continual disrespects.



Bartimaus said:


> TO SUM UP...first she admitted it and said it was ok with the other two men in her life up to me but then started denying that she was doing this. Let me say this and let this thread rest unless you guys want to add more to the situational mess's that sometimes happen like I have shared here...


I'm glad she vanished for your own sake... I hope you learned something. Actions speak louder than words. Just a few days of these type of incidents from a nother chick and you need to be out of there. It's nothing to argue about, they show you how they percieve you and the situation.





Bartimaus said:


> she broke up with me in Feb. and vanished. Changed her phone number and moved. She was as dishonest as a person can get so I think she was cheating on me with an old friend


Probably was cheating on you the whole wile. She might have vanished because you were tightening up your defences, calling her on her game and it stopped being fun to her. Still for most people they will act like they didn't hear you and keep on doing it. Driving you literally crazy.



Bartimaus said:


> and may have moved in with one of her criminal kids. Don't know what state she is in actually. And to add, her children and their spouses make a living off of drugs,scamming social security,law-suites, scamming section-8, and any way they can.


If you feel like it put some evidence together and submit it. I think since you should no longer be in danger you should just get on with your life.



Bartimaus said:


> The police records are online and I have mail that was in trash she asked me to take to the dumpster while we were at her apartment but I kept it. I did a VAC at her apartment but didn't get anything. Actually over a period of 4 days there,it only recorded her voice for about 5 minutes and she was supposed to have been there, But,there were car horns outside and the sound of her door opening and closing.


Should'a got the car too. It doesn't matter, actions speak louder than words. She probably was physical with someone else too. Another apex predator from your world, and you where her boy in there. I bet it drove you crazy. You probably got addicted to seeing what she's really doing and try to understand it. 

There's nothing to understand except she used you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Be single for a while, enjoy the game, hit a few friends and FWB's. If you want a girlfriend after you restored your confidence, pick from a pool of females who doesn't play in the same yard with your ex. There are pools of different types of women.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

treyvion said:


> That could be anyoone. Here friends, her parents can have control on her and thus control on you and your options while you are with her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You explain her accurately. I see that now but couldn't when in the relationship with her. Although I am older than most on here probably, I didn't have much dating experience due to a 37 year marriage before I met the woman I am talking about in this thread.. But your description of her behavior is correct.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Bartimaus said:


> You explain her accurately. I see that now but couldn't when in the relationship with her. Although I am older than most on here probably, I didn't have much dating experience due to a 37 year marriage before I met the woman I am talking about in this thread.. But your description of her behavior is correct.



I went tgru a woman like that myself. Left a good wife to be with a demon on the earth. I know what they do..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Bartimaus said:


> You explain her accurately. I see that now but couldn't when in the relationship with her. Although I am older than most on here probably, I didn't have much dating experience due to a 37 year marriage before I met the woman I am talking about in this thread.. But your description of her behavior is correct.


It's difficult to feel sympathy for you because people here told you to get rid of her, but *you refused to listen*. So you can't blame it on inexperience. Then she breaks up with you? It should have been the other way around. If she didn't break up with you, you would still be here, being used and taken advantage of. Sad.

You need to seek counseling for your severe codependency. Because as it stands right now, you're going to go thru this over and over again until you get yourself fixed. If you refuse once again, you will be used over and over for the rest of your life.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> It's difficult to feel sympathy for you because people here told you to get rid of her, but *you refused to listen*. So you can't blame it on inexperience. Then she breaks up with you? It should have been the other way around. If she didn't break up with you, you would still be here, being used and taken advantage of. Sad.
> 
> You need to seek counseling for your severe codependency. Because as it stands right now, you're going to go thru this over and over again until you get yourself fixed. If you refuse once again, you will be used over and over for the rest of your life.


Actually, for the first time in my life I am liking being single. You are right, I have been very codependent but you know...I got burnt by being like that and now understanding why one shouldn't hurry love or be needy. I am reluctant to give my heart now and a lot wiser than I was about how some women are. I have my confidence back, improved my looks, and on a dating site meeting a lot of women. Once I see red flags, all off.
I am not conceited or being picky like I am something special but know that if I get into another serious relationship, I will go very slow, see how good of a friend she can be first, and learn everything I can about her. Lordmayhem, I will probably never give my heart and soul like I did before. But neither do I want to be superficial or 'damaged goods'. I feel I deserve a good woman but will I ever find one and settle down? Who knows, right now I am content on my own and meeting different women just as friends first.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Bartimaus said:


> Actually, for the first time in my life I am liking being single. You are right, I have been very codependent but you know...I got burnt by being like that and now understanding why one shouldn't hurry love or be needy. I am reluctant to give my heart now and a lot wiser than I was about how some women are. I have my confidence back, improved my looks, and on a dating site meeting a lot of women. Once I see red flags, all off.
> I am not conceited or being picky like I am something special but know that if I get into another serious relationship, I will go very slow, see how good of a friend she can be first, and learn everything I can about her. Lordmayhem, I will probably never give my heart and soul like I did before. But neither do I want to be superficial or 'damaged goods'. I feel I deserve a good woman but will I ever find one and settle down? Who knows, right now I am content on my own and meeting different women just as friends first.


You sound good...


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