# New here



## Debbiere (3 mo ago)

I came here to read the posts that married people write. So far, everything is fine with us, we have been together for 8 years, married for six months. The only problem is that I want children, but he doesn't. At the moment, this is not a big problem for me, because I hope that we can reach an understanding.

All love!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That want of yours is small, but it comes in a big package.

It holds much promise.

A want, once delivered, its love will last for a lifetime.

Good loving will make that wish a reality.

Good luck!


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Welcome to TAM !


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Debbiere said:


> So far, everything is fine with us,


Welcome to TAM. 

No. Not everything is fine with both of you.

That little sticky point that right now is not a problem because you "think" that it will be resolved to your satisfaction it might come back to bite you.

How old are both of you? Depending on age it could be a wait and see or a deal breaker. If under 30, then, yes you can only hope to change his mind. If mid 30s, most likely you are wasting the few years of fertility you have left.

Nonetheless, why is it that women are always trying to change their man? If he doesn't want children, you shouldn't have married him. That's a big imcompatibility, a real deal-breaker for those that want children. 

How adamant, and/or important is for you to have children? A must? What would you do if he completely and without a doubt makes you understand that he is not changing his mind?

Do you realize that you might spend the rest of your fertile years trying to convince him, only to realize that is now too late for you. Do you realize the amount of pain and resentments that will most likely elicit within you?


Young or older, if I were you, I would make certain right now if not having children is a deal breaker for you, so as to not continue wasting your life with an incompatible person. You shouldn't weigh lightly matters such as this because it can make your life miserable.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Debbiere said:


> I came here to read the posts that married people write. So far, everything is fine with us, we have been together for 8 years, married for six months. The only problem is that I want children, but he doesn't. At the moment, this is not a big problem for me, because I hope that we can reach an understanding.
> 
> All love!


How old are you?
Have you and hubby had discussions about what is stopping you from having children now?

I know a woman who, over time, has grown very bitter with her life. Her husband has never wanted children and now she's at a questionable age. It's sad to see how angry, hurt, and torn up she is about this. But she would not take the advice to force those conversations with her husband earlier in her life. _Please_ don't find yourself there.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

That's a pretty big problem actually. I would continue to discuss it because if your H is dead set on no kids, you may not want to waste more time.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

8 years in and he doesn’t want kids means he’s not going to want kids. HUGE problem


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Debbiere said:


> I came here to read the posts that married people write. So far, everything is fine with us, we have been together for 8 years, married for six months. The only problem is that I want children, but he doesn't. At the moment, this is not a big problem for me, because I hope that we can reach an understanding.
> 
> All love!


Welcome, but hate to break it to you, this is a big problem. This is an incompatibility of monumental proportions. Your plan is to wear him down I suppose, not a good plan. Does your new husband know that he is about to get pushed into having kids? You seem to think it is only a matter of time for him to see things your way. What happens when he doesn't change his mind and the ticking of you biological clock becomes too loud to ignore. I see a lot of resentment coming in your future.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

It would be interesting to understand your husbands reasons for not wanting kids.

If he hates kids and doesn't want to be tied down, that could be tough to convince him...

But if he thinks he wouldn't be a good parent, or is scared he will emulate his own parents... or something like that... that could be worked on and he could change his mind.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Welcome.

I think your problem is a bit bigger than you realize. Having children or not is a very large issue. I sincerely hope that you two can come to a compromise. This is usually something discussed prior to getting married.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He could eventually change his mind about having children but he also may not. Are you going to be okay with never having children if that’s what he decides?


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## Wendy35 (3 mo ago)

I would freeze some eggs, if you're still younger to avoid any chances of diminished ovarian reserve, should you change your mind later in life.


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## Debbiere (3 mo ago)

Guys, I did not expect such a response from you, thank you very much!
We are both 28 years old and both of us are not going to have children right now. We sometimes talk about it, even discussed baby names, how we will act in this or that situation. The thing is, my husband just sees it as too far away. In any case, there is no compulsion on my part, I respect his wishes.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Debbiere said:


> Guys, I did not expect such a response from you, thank you very much!
> We are both 28 years old and both of us are not going to have children right now. We sometimes talk about it, even discussed baby names, how we will act in this or that situation. The thing is, my husband just sees it as too far away. In any case, there is no compulsion on my part, I respect his wishes.


Sounds like you’re in a good place with this. As long as he and you are on the same page then all is well.

Men don’t feel the biological clock like women do and sometimes we don’t factor that into the timeline of life. And then… it’s too late. There are lots of stories from unhappy wives here on TAM about this.

I’m glad you’re here! I hope you find help and read advice that really enriches your marriage. That’s what happened to me, and probably countless others.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

This is something that should have been discussed BEFORE marriage. In some cases, this can be a deal breaker. 
did you two not discuss this before?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Whether to reproduce or not is one of the fundamental questions of being an organism and creature of the earth. 

This is a very big deal 

If you know in your heart that you want to have kids some day, this isn't going to go away. 

If he knows in his heart that he does not, then you two are incompatible on one of the most fundamental concepts of a male and female coming together. 

One of the problems with society is people tend to poo-poo men that say they don't want kids. People either assume they will change their mind some day (which can happen but doesn't always) or they think the guy should just relent and do it anyway and all will be fine.

....well no, all will NOT be fine. Having kids is a major and even incalcuable impact on a person's life and it's not something that can be brushed off as just some inconvenience. 

Some people have kids they don't want and they eventually adapt and change their tune and end up being reasonably decent spouses and parents. 

But many do not. They quickly become very resentful and bitter. They become insufferable and continually malcontent with their lives. They hold resentment towards the spouse and they can even hold resentment towards the child(s). In bad cases they can even become abusive and even dangerous to the children. 

This is not a disagreement over which living room set to buy or which carpeting will match the interior colors. This is one of the most profound and life impacting decisions a person can make. 

You should not have gotten married with this question looming over your heads and IMHO you should divorce now so that you are not legally obligated to each other until this gets resolved one way or another. 

There is no compromise here, one will win and one will lose and in a way you will both lose to a degree. One will be deeply impacted and likely chronically resentful and enbittered,, and the other will always feel the wrath of that resentment and the "victory" will always be tainted by the others resentment. 

You're better off going your separate ways so you find someone who does want kids and a family and he can find someone who doesn't. It will be better in the long if each of you finds someone that have a basic life compatibility with rather than always being in a condition of chronic compromise and resentment.


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