# Can Separation save a Marriage?



## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

My Ex and I have been together for 5 years and we have 2 kids (3 year old and 7 month old). She decided to leave a month ago as we just couldn’t work out the problems in our relationship. There was no infedelity, no abuse, and nothing that would make the relationship unfixable. We did have repeated arguments and some fatigue of one another. When she left she told me that there was no more love there and that we had grown apart. The first 3 weeks of the separation was her angry and me doing my best to get her back. She made it clear that we were never getting back together. For the last 2 weeks I have since stopped talking about our relationship and only discuss the kids with her. I took a week vacation to clear my mind and i have since then started to give the space she needed and the space for myself to heal too. When I came back from the vacation she was in a completely changed mood where she was happy to see me. She told me twice that I looked good. She now welcomes me into her parents house and allows me to help get the things for the kids. She is constantly smiling/laughing when she is around me now and I feel her constantly looking at me when we do trade offs. She texts me often about the kids, and sends me pictures of them while always having a positive vibe about her. I will at times not respond and she still sends me more pictures or kid related things later. I feel a change in both of us happening. I’m currently getting a lot of help with therapy and church. And I know she is bettering herself too. I have faith that this space is meant to better ourselves to eventually learn how to better value and respect each other. There seems to be a lot of attraction building that is a complete 180 from 2 weeks ago. At the end of the day though I know she left me, and I know it wasn’t long ago that she told me she would never come back. However, it is clear that space has been helping. I just don’t know it she is being a cordial co parent or being a cordial co parent gaining her feelings back. Does anyone have advice on this?


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

No. What saves a marriage is communication & hard work. Running away only teaches the party who left that they can survive without the person they are abandoning. When they do come back it's because they couldn't hack it on their own or find somebody better so they settle for the person they left. 

Why would you want to be second choice?


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nope. You don't solve marriage problems apart, you come together and work at it.

Once a woman is done, she's done.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Whoever wants the separation is probably planning on doing some test-driving. If it works out, they will want a divorce. If it doesn't work out, then they will take you back.
The one willing to be taken back is permanently plan B.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lots and lots of sex will have a chance at saving a marriage along with good communication.

Separation, not so much.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Separation very rarely helps marriages. My guess is that you’re her Plan B because Plan A didn’t work out.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Separation cannot help a marriage that's in trouble. Only working on it TOGETHER can do that.

If she's happy and smiling and seems to enjoy being away from you, are you sure there's not infidelity? At the very least, she seems to be trying to train you to be away from her successfully.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Separation is a prelude to divorce. She’s happy because you are conveniently out of the way.
If I were you I’d check her phone bill. It’s a good easy check.
Right now you are hooked on hopium. Pretty common under your circumstances. Words don’t matter as much as actions. She’s still gone.
I doubt you’ll listen.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you get back together you will still have all of the problems that caused the separation. 
I’m a suspicious kinda guy and I would have to say I think she was/is cheating on you.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Openminded said:


> _*Separation very rarely helps marriages. My guess is that you’re her Plan B because Plan A didn’t work out.*_


That's what it sounds like.

She could barely STAND you and left you, OP. With a small kid and an infant - who does that??? 

But then, after a while, you're suddenly the best thing since sliced bread and now, she's all ABOUT showing you the love.

Methinks whatever (or WHOEVER) her original Plan A was, that fell through and now she's got to dance as fast as she can to insure she doesn't lose her Plan B or she'll be living at mommy and daddy's for a long time. 

Enter Plan B. That would be you, OP. You're Plan B.


----------



## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

1


----------



## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

frusdil said:


> Nope. You don't solve marriage problems apart, you come together and work at it.
> 
> Once a woman is done, she's done.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Even if the party who was abandoned is the one who thrives, the separation still leads to the end of the marriage. It doesn't fix anything. 

A real separation with people moving out is the beginning of the end. This is different from taking a few hours or even 1 over night to cool off.


----------

