# Common or not?



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill with this, because I don't really mind, but still...

So the other night my wife and I had a very good session (yay!), but when I was done, she wanted more, and used her vibrator on herself.

Now, I'm not a quick shooter at all, and 90% of this was foreplay.

I got her off twice before we went PIV, and once more during. I "timed" myself to finish after she did this way. So at this point, she had had 3 0's (one manual, one oral and one PIV), each better than the other, judging by her reaction.

She asked if I had finished (lol, I guess it wasn't obvious?) and said she wasn't done. Grabbed her vibrator from her drawer and went to town, squirted massively and made more noise with that O than she did with the other 3.

Now I'm not insulted. More power to her. She is always multi-orgasmic, and 99% of the time she's the one to tell me "no more", concentrate on yourself, etc. I guess the simplest answer to this is that she should have communicated to me before I finished that she wanted more, as in "hold off a bit, keep going" etc. as I'm pretty used to tiring her out and having her tell me to focus on myself.

It's all good, but this isn't the first time. I've asked her to be more communicative to me in bed, but she just doesn't.

So ladies, for those of you who are multi-orgasmic, does it ever happen that you want more, even if your husband has paid attention to you, you've had a few O's, etc.? Men, does this ever happen to you? You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

alexm said:


> I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill with this, because I don't really mind, but still...
> 
> So the other night my wife and I had a very good session (yay!), but when I was done, she wanted more, and used her vibrator on herself.
> 
> ...


yes common with my wife.

and for me to reload anymore is like loading a musket sometimes with wet powder


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO does this occasionally. I just help her out whichever way she likes. Oral, using the toy on her, whatever... It's all good. 

C


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
sounds fine to me. Believe me, a partner who always wants more sex is MUCH better than one who doesn't want enough.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She sounds hot. Maybe some insecurity happening?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

"You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?"

Umm if she had 3 O's and wanted yet another afterwards, I don't think she feels that you left her wanting. She had another O in her so she felt comfortable enough to go for it in front of you. 

Alex Your wife was communicating that she is comfortable with you enough to be unselfconsciously sexual in front of you. She was in the moment and just went for it. Don't overthink it and make her feel that she needs to filter what she does based on what you will think. Kills the spontaneity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Exactly!!! My wife isn't where yours is at yet. Enjoy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's not a very well kept secret that women are primarily multiorgasmic, while we guys are are somewhat solitary in that regard; but can often come back to life, given a satisfactory refractory period.

In my experience, I've found that by giving my partner a couple of oral O's before going PIV to get mine, works so much better for the both of us. But there's always those times when she looks up at you after you have reached your PIV O and say so endearing and wantonly, "Honey, I'm not done yet!"

Well, not being 19 or 20 anymore, I do know that I often lack one of those youthful "yardarm" erections immediately right after having reached Shangri-La, to effectively start in on an immediate Round 2 of PIV. 

So the only other available option is to go right back to oral on her in order to comply with her desires. But there is always some trepidation on my part to go there orally because of the residue in her that I had put there from the earlier bout of PIV.

I know that it probably destroys the erotic spontaniety of the moment, but as long as my woman will try to clean herself up right after PIV, then I would have no real problem in going back down there orally! But if she doesn't ~ well then we'd just have to try to do it manually!*


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> "You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?"
> 
> Umm if she had 3 O's and wanted yet another afterwards, I don't think she feels that you left her wanting. She had another O in her so she felt comfortable enough to go for it in front of you.
> 
> Alex Your wife was communicating that she is comfortable with you enough to be unselfconsciously be sexual in front of you. She was in the moment and just went for it. Don't overthink it and make her feel that she needs to filter what she does based on what you will think. Kills the spontaneity.


:iagree: She feels secure enough in the relationship here to do exactly what she wants in front of you. I've often been left feeling unsatisfied after sex (either didn't O or didn't have a strong enough one) and have never felt secure enough to let the man know - I've always gone into the bathroom to finish myself off. Don't overthink this and thank your lucky stars that your wife is secure enough in the relationship to express herself however she wants.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I Would LOVE to watch my wife masturbate or vibe one off! She is still too reserved. Working on it though.

Alexm, you really have some blessings. &#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Common enough, alex. Often she wants round two or three, and usually I'm happy to help out (and usually still able, thank goodness). Sometimes though, I just hold her as she goes for that one more.

So, enjoy that she wants more and isn't hiding it from you. Hold her or help her however works for her. You'll both love it.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

alexm said:


> ....she had had 3 0's (one manual, one oral and one PIV), each better than the other, judging by her reaction.
> 
> She asked if I had finished ....Grabbed her vibrator from her drawer and went to town, squirted massively and made more noise with that O than she did with the other 3.
> 
> ...


First my wife is way too inhibited to use a vib on herself. I have pruchased her over the years a number of them that have never been used. In sex therapy, the therapist asked my wife if she had ever masturbated and my wife said NO, I don't do that or need to do that. I have a husband if I have those kinds of urges.

Is my wife multi-orgasmic, ocassionally, yes.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. YOUR GLASS (Marriage) IS MORE THAN HALF FULL.

What I see are two things in your post. The first is that this really does bother you and you feel her using a vibrator reflects negatively on you (left wanting more). Second, this is also something that has been an issue in one form or another in the past.

I have often seen women post that they feel that their husbands masturbating is wrong, because they should be enough to satisfy their man. This looks like the mirror image to me.

And now for a Monty Python Moment. (i.e. something completely different, but related)

Perhaps you can have some fun out of this and shed your resentment and make the use of toys on each other part of how you play with your wife. 

For example you could tell your wife that you were a little upset about the other night (she already knows you were as she is your wife and can ready your emotions like a book.) But instead of telling her you feel you weren't enough for her, tell her you were jealous of her experiencing multiple orgasms to your single organsm. 

Tell her that you would like this Valentines day season to work on your having multiple o's ocassionally (but not every time.) Tell her that you have read about male "g" (prostate) spot orgasms and would like to bring your own toy into your bedroom.

http://www.aneros.com/

Then set up a time where you can bring her to multiple orgasms, including with a vibrator. That night or the next day (or that day, if she likes to cuddle right after sex) have her hold you in her arms while you (after getting a little practice by yourself ahead of time) go after your own multiple o's with her offerring encouraging words.

Good luck and this is an issue for you based on what you ahve posted.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I've drained two vibes and dislocated my own jaw before with nothing to show for it.

Give your wife a high-five and go on with your day.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I just want to say that there's NO resentment from me at all! It's actually pretty hot on the rare occasion she does this. I don't mind in the slightest.

I was just wondering how common this is amongst couples, as it's only happened a few times (that I know of!) over our 6 years together.

I think it's great that she's comfortable to say that, and then act upon it.

That said, I'm very used to her having her 3, 4 or 5 O's and telling me she's done, so when this does happen, I'm usually like "wait, what?". :smthumbup:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I've drained two vibes and dislocated my own jaw before with nothing to show for it.
> 
> Give your wife a high-five and go on with your day.


OUCH!!!!&#55357;&#56885;&#55357;&#56885;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> "You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?"
> 
> Umm if she had 3 O's and wanted yet another afterwards, I don't think she feels that you left her wanting. She had another O in her so she felt comfortable enough to go for it in front of you.
> 
> Alex Your wife was communicating that she is comfortable with you enough to be unselfconsciously be sexual in front of you. She was in the moment and just went for it. Don't overthink it and make her feel that she needs to filter what she does based on what you will think. Kills the spontaneity.


:iagree: Apparently you did a very good job of it and she was well on her way to #4. 

I've had this happen a lot... even after multi orgasms, when sex continues I end up most of the way to yet one more. It's great that she felt comfortable enough with you go finish that last one.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Maybe it was o-o-o then O?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Sorry, Alex, but I gotta say this:

You sound like a very difficult person to please in the bedroom.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

+1 on what Cletus said. She had 3 orgasm's, that's communicative all by itself. She asked you if you were done, that wasn't a "did you cum" it was a "I'm having a great time, have you had enough, cause I'll wait for you if you need some time?" "Yes?, OK I'm gonna go for one more!" 

Fabulous, make sure you tell her how much you enjoyed last night:scratchhead:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Cletus said:


> Sorry, Alex, but I gotta say this:
> 
> You sound like a very difficult person to please in the bedroom.


Did you and AnonMD see the part about me being resentful or hurt anywhere? :scratchhead:

I actually think it's ****ing cool that she can do that and not feel shy about it. It's happened so rarely it's not a concern. And quite the opposite, it's kind of hot. Hell, I helped her out.

I know some of my posts are negative, but not all of them. Don't paint me as some needy princess based on a few legit complaints I've sought advice for.

This was just me seeking assurance that it happens from time to time to others, that's all, and it seemed like it might make a worthwhile and interesting thread for others.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

anonmd said:


> Fabulous, make sure you tell her how much you enjoyed last night:scratchhead:


I did, and so did she.

I'm sorry if this seems too "first world problems" for some of you guys. I was just asking a question. Nowhere did I even insinuate that I was hurt or resentful. Not sure where this came from, from some of you, except your projections on me. 

I agree though, it's a good "problem" to have, I suppose. I certainly didn't mean to insinuate I was being pissy about it, and I apologize if some of you folks took it that way, truly.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Making a mountain out of a molehill, sorry. Just go with it and enjoy.

Sometimes I will grab the vibe as I want to keep going, he will always watch or hold me which is all part of the fun.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Alexm Another way of thinking about this is that she was thinking of you. She didn't want you to hold off having your orgasm even if you were willing.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

alexm said:


> So ladies, for those of you who are multi-orgasmic, does it ever happen that you want more, even if your husband has paid attention to you, you've had a few O's, etc.? Men, does this ever happen to you? You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?




 Why yes! It has nothing to do with how well my husband has paid attention to my sexual needs. I always get several orgasms per encounter. And generally, my husband keeps giving them until I say uncle. When the moon is alignment my body wants more. 

Sometimes I simply plop myself on his lap and say More Please Sir, ala Oliver Twist. 

Sometimes I grab his hand and show him what I want. 

Sometimes I jump on his leg and hump away.

But most of the time I am quite content upon his finishing.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Alexm, two thoughts:

Sometimes it is difficult to predict how many Os will be "enough" in a given session. Sometimes you think you're hitting your limit, and poof, there's another one. So what you are asking of your wife is not necessarily information she can always supply.

Personally, I think a good rule of thumb for multi-orgasmic women is that unless she indicates otherwise (cries uncle), there's the possibility of another one.

Also, the more I read your posts, the more it seems to me the big issue with your wife is that she doesn't express her love for you in a way that you can really see and appreciate. Now I know TAM is all about love languages and learning to show love in the "right" way, the way that meets their partner's language. And this is good advice. But an important corollary, I think, is to learn to accept and appreciate your partner's own special language. 

My SO, for example, often expresses love in ways that really have no connection at all to what I want, need, am hoping for. And I often feel that he's failing me on those fronts, leaving me cold. But at the same time, that's who he is. That's the expression that comes naturally to him, and in his ways, he is being true to himself. And that's what we want, isn't it? For our partners to feel like it is really them, their authentic selves, that we fell in love with and want to be with?


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

alexm said:


> So ladies, for those of you who are multi-orgasmic, does it ever happen that you want more, even if your husband has paid attention to you, you've had a few O's, etc.? Men, does this ever happen to you? You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?


This is usually how we make love. 98% of the time. I tend to go quickly and she can do more with her vibe. I usually finger her g-spot while she manipulates the Hitachi Magic Wand to several O's. If it's not late and I haven't been drinking then I'll work myself up to a second round. Then usually ask her to roll over on her stomach so that she can continue using her wand while I enter from behind. 

It doesn't bother me and I am glad she can enjoy it. I wish sometimes she wasn't dependent on that damn thing but I think because of the medication she has to use it to get over that cliff. I'll do just about whatever it takes for her to have a satisfying experience.


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## seattle_stranger (Nov 4, 2014)

This thread was the final thing to convince me to buy my lady a vibrator. Needless to say, this is really sexy. It sounds like your wife has a lot of sexual energy, that's fantastic!! I don't think it has anything to do with not doing a good enough job, I think it's quite the opposite. I think you did such a good job she just didn't want it to be over yet!!


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## claireont (Feb 10, 2015)

I think its great that your wife is comfortable to be able to do that with you. And that she knows you are secure enough to not mind (which it sounds like you were...). So I think that's terrific for both of you!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

seattle_stranger said:


> This thread was the final thing to convince me to buy my lady a vibrator. Needless to say, this is really sexy. *It sounds like your wife has a lot of sexual energy, that's fantastic!!* I don't think it has anything to do with not doing a good enough job, I think it's quite the opposite. I think you did such a good job she just didn't want it to be over yet!!


She does occasionally, yes. I wouldn't say "rarely", but it's certainly not who she is.

This scenario has only happened a couple of times, so it was a bit of a curveball. A pleasant one, yes, but all the same, something I'm not used to. If this happened regularly, it'd be easier to get, I guess.

And yes, your last bit is exactly how I felt at first. Then I checked my ego! But that IS how I feel about it - she wanted more because she was having a good time and WANTED more. I was definitely on my game that night, so I guess she felt it.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm always asking if she's happy with what we've done of if she wants more when I'm good. Most of the time I'm pretty good at timing things but sometimes Mr.s Gray is looking for more.

I'm always eager to please :smthumbup:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wish I could like this 1000 times. 

Alex - this - what A2 is doing - is a HIGH level of intimacy. 

And you my man - should feel great about this sequence of events. 

First, you pulled off a hat trick, which is no small thing and then A2 showed enough trust in you - to go for a victory lap in front of you. 

Win win win win

As for your sticking point. It's good that you expressed your preference to A2 - your preference for her to let you know if she wants - more. That's you being transparent with her. That said - 3 out of 4 is not just good - it's excellent. 

The goal here is to accept that sometimes - her preferences won't 100% align with yours. That's perfectly normal. 




Catherine602 said:


> "You think you've done a good job, but your partner is left wanting more?"
> 
> Umm if she had 3 O's and wanted yet another afterwards, I don't think she feels that you left her wanting. She had another O in her so she felt comfortable enough to go for it in front of you.
> 
> Alex Your wife was communicating that she is comfortable with you enough to be unselfconsciously sexual in front of you. She was in the moment and just went for it. Don't overthink it and make her feel that she needs to filter what she does based on what you will think. Kills the spontaneity.


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## Echos in Bongo Flight (Feb 16, 2015)

"So the other night my wife and I had a very good session (yay!), but when I was done, she wanted more, and used her vibrator on herself."

Are you sure she got off before? To answer your question, yes I've done this often, but only because I didn't get off before (my lover thought I did, multiple times, but he was mistaken). I don't miss him.


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