# Best Way To Get A Woman Back After Breaking Up With Her?



## drivingmenutzkma

OK, I have made a huge mistake and broke up with a woman I dated for nearly a year. We were really "best friends" and I thought I was not physically attracted to her but realize after 2 weeks I was very attracted to her both inside and out. I made the mistake of breking up with her, that is my fault and I accept that. The problem is she has started dating another guy only 3 days after breaking up and I want to know what the best way everyone suggests in giving it another shot, another chance. I know I meant a lot to her, she told me and showed me, I shunned her for whatever reason and did not realize what I had. Now I realize I was totally head over heels for her both inside and out and am just sick. I know I deserve it, but I want to make it right and make her happy as well as me being happy. I have sent flowers and cards, that didin't work and I am afraid of appearing to "clingy" or ruin my confidence which I am aware it will make me unattractive to her.... So what do I do now??

Sorry but just came out of an 18 year relationship/marriage and I am a little out of the game. She is in her mid 30's as am I. I know she is at her sexualy "peak" and I also dprived her of that the last couple months as I got scared of her feelings she made me aware of, but now realize how much she means to me. I just need advice whether to leave her alone and hope she comes back or do I need to contact her, I mean what do I need to do? Thank You in advance!!!! I really care about this woman and she makes me a better person as I do her when we are together.......


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## wtf2012

drivingmenutzkma said:


> OK, I have made a huge mistake and broke up with a woman I dated for nearly a year. We were really "best friends" and I thought I was not physically attracted to her but realize after 2 weeks I was very attracted to her both inside and out. I made the mistake of breking up with her, that is my fault and I accept that. The problem is she has started dating another guy only 3 days after breaking up and I want to know what the best way everyone suggests in giving it another shot, another chance. I know I meant a lot to her, she told me and showed me, I shunned her for whatever reason and did not realize what I had. Now I realize I was totally head over heels for her both inside and out and am just sick. I know I deserve it, but I want to make it right and make her happy as well as me being happy. I have sent flowers and cards, that didin't work and I am afraid of appearing to "clingy" or ruin my confidence which I am aware it will make me unattractive to her.... So what do I do now??
> 
> Sorry but just came out of an 18 year relationship/marriage and I am a little out of the game. She is in her mid 30's as am I. I know she is at her sexualy "peak" and I also dprived her of that the last couple months as I got scared of her feelings she made me aware of, but now realize how much she means to me. I just need advice whether to leave her alone and hope she comes back or do I need to contact her, I mean what do I need to do? Thank You in advance!!!! I really care about this woman and she makes me a better person as I do her when we are together.......


Date her best friend


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## jay_gatsby

wtf2012 said:


> Date her best friend


any of her friends will do...


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## EleGirl

At the most send her an email or card telling her that you are still interested in her. You just needed to be away for a bit to think things through. If she's still interested you'd like to take her out for coffee so the two of you can discuss your future.

After that drop it. If she does not contact you, she's no longer interested.

You are hardly out of your marriage. Seems like this should be the time when you are working to find out who you are and not hooking up with another woman so soon.


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## Jellybeans

Are you just wanting her back because she has moved on? 

Or do you really genuinely miss her and think you messed up?

Because if it's the former, do not waste her or your time, it's wrong and it would be cruel.

If it's the latter, call her and plead your case. She may bite, she may not.

In the future: if you are not 100% sure about ending things with someone, don't. Because this is exactly how it could play out and she may feel you were never that into her in the first place.


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## COguy

Best way to get a girl "back"? Move on, like she did.

Don't bother faking it, they can always tell this sort of thing.

Then when you no longer care, she will call you.


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## Pbartender

COguy said:


> Then when you no longer care, she will call you.


Maybe... Depends on if deep down she wants to get back together, too.

And if she doesn't... Hey... No big deal... You've already moved on, and you no longer care.


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## Jellybeans

COguy said:


> Best way to get a girl "back"? Move on, like she did.
> 
> Don't bother faking it, they can always tell this sort of thing.
> 
> *Then when you no longer care, she will call you*.


Or not. 

She could be like a lot of women who once dumped realizes there is no reason to go back, especially if they were on the receiving end of getting dumped.

Just saying.


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## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> Or not.
> 
> She could be like a lot of women who once dumped realizes there is no reason to go back, especially if they were on teh receiving end of getting dumped.
> 
> Just saying.


I'm just quoting those smarter than me:



> Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
> 
> Rob: You don't call.
> 
> Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
> 
> Rob: Right.
> 
> Mike: So I don't call either way?
> 
> Rob: Right.
> 
> Mike: So what's the difference?
> 
> Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
> 
> Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
> 
> Rob: Right.
> 
> Mike: Well that sucks.
> 
> Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
> 
> Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
> 
> Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
> 
> Mike: What do you mean?
> 
> Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
> 
> Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
> 
> Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
> 
> Mike: There's the rub.
> 
> Rob: There's the rub.


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## Jellybeans

That just sounds like games to me. 

If he wants her back, he should let her know. However, he shouldn't be surprised if she's not into it because he's alrady dumped her. 

And if he only wants her back because he heard she may be dating someone new, then that is just more games on top of that.


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## Freak On a Leash

I wouldn't play games. But I wouldn't pressure her either. That's a sure way to turn anyone off. I'd tell her how you feel and admit what you did was wrong and toss the ball in her court and hope she forgives and still wants you back. 

If she doesn't reply or turns you down it's "Live and Learn" time. Try not to rush into the next relationship.


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## drivingmenutzkma

I have had 2 months to think about it all and yes I truly want her back. I have not bothered her for 2 1/2 months. I did text her and she responded a day later. She was cold, when I told her that I truly knew her and that being cold was not going to work she actually warmed up, apologized, and started talking to me as friends thru messaging, not voice.

Right now we are talking as friends as she is "trying" to rekindle a marriage from years ago, which has totally blown my mind and she is only in it for the kids and a "family" life, not for the right reason she wants to be with this guy. I am at a total loss at this point..... she has blown me away by this step..... but we are talking and I have let her know my mistakes and that I am here for her for honest advice, which I am. If we can't be together we are still very good friends and I am willing to accept that. However I think she is very confused right now and doesn't know what to do. Which in turn I have no idea what to do at this point.....

I never intended on getting serious like this out of a divorce so soon, everything just happened and happened quick, but I felt as tho I would miss out. Timing is not always everything IMO. Sometimes things happen when you least expect it. I never intended to get serious or love her, it just happened......


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## Jellybeans

drivingmenutzkma said:


> Right now we are talking as friends as *she is "trying" to rekindle a marriage from years ago, *which has totally blown my mind and she is only in it for the kids and a "family" life, not for the right reason she wants to be with this guy.



Eh. Fall back. Seriously. Just fall back. She is clearly now involved with her husband so it would be wise for you to stay far away. 

Nothing good will come of hanging on while she is trying to rebuild her marriage.


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## LongWalk

If she's not married, she can date. You need to some sort of opener that will not create pressure. You cannot display neediness. Tell something disarming... you bought a pumpkin and it was a two for one deal. Could she use one or help you figure out how to make pie. Whatever, you were really heavy in the break up you need to be escape that association.


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## lifeistooshort

Are you sure you didn't have someone else in mind, only to find out that wasn't going to work? A lot of people decide they're not attracted to someone when they are in fact attracted to someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. Fall back. Seriously. Just fall back. She is clearly now involved with her husband so it would be wise for you to stay far away.
> 
> Nothing good will come of hanging on while she is trying to rebuild her marriage.


Ooh, yeah, it sounds to me like this whole situation is nothing but trouble, and you're just going to end up getting hurt in the end.

Move forward with your life. If things pick up again with this woman down the line, great, but don't even think about that now. Just move on and away from that impending train wreck.


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## Gonnabealright

ex husband and kids. Run now shes not over him. Your the rebound. Abort!


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## RandomDude

> Best Way To Get A Woman Back After Breaking Up With Her?


IMO you should just let her know where you stand, then fk off

If she comes around then fine, if not, meh, fk it



Gonnabealright said:


> ex husband and kids. Run now shes not over him. Your the rebound. Abort!


Or the ex-husband is the rebound


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## Jellybeans

Wait, is she even divorced?


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## drivingmenutzkma

Yes she has been divorced for 10+ years...... she don't love him for the right reasons, she walked out on him becuase about all he did was provide for her financially, he did not provide for her emotionally or physically, we actually had this conversation during our year of dating. Like I said, neither of us held anything back, we could tell each other anything and did. We were very good friends..... that is how the song goes What Hurts The Most...... I agree I was stupid, nobody has to tell me I was.....


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It sounds like perhaps she learned a lesson, in that regardless of the man involved they are all capable of hurting you and she's figured that being resilient emotionally and learning to advocate for her needs in a relationship where her children are involved is much better all around than dealing with the same thing while juggling ex and children.

I had a guy once who told me he wasn't attracted to me, after enjoying physical affection for several months. I said thanks for letting me know and I left. He was :-o wanted to still be friends, I said, what the h*ll for, I have plenty of male friends! Why would you want to hang out with someone who was all hot and heavy and then decided they weren't really into you? It might happen again! And we are all getting older not younger. So for a woman there is more anxiety about that. It sounds like her ex is a good guy, maybe not the most demonstrative, and I don't understand how based on your second hand knowledge of him *as he was in the past*, and as she was also *in the past*, you could decide that he's not good for her. I mean, just saying that kind of makes you sound controlling and framing the issue that he was nasty to her so what you did isn't such a big deal, just a little mistake even though I think you pretty much trashed whatever trust or enjoyment she might have been getting out of being with you.


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## Hardtohandle

OP what you don't know is what conversations they are having.. 

He might be saying the same things you are..

Basically apologizing for not being emotionally there and now looking to atone. 

I just don't see how you somehow begging is going to fix this. 

You left her alone for 2 1/2 months and she isn't back ? I just don't see her coming back. 

Look your here so you should be used to this emotionally by now since you already lost an 18 year marriage. This should be a cake walk..

Good luck..


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