# Wife has Obsession or is this a sign of a Emotional Affair?



## Tampa1279 (Jan 5, 2011)

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This may take a while to get all important details out so please bear with me. About two years ago, my wife found an old girlfriend she had lost contact with on facebook. This girl, introduced my wife to a guy friend of hers. (my wife has a huge heart and cares about everyone) She had told me about him and how bad his life is and that he was adopted and Blah, Blah, Blah. And said he was like a "big Brother" she never had. Of all the guy friends she was with, i just didnt care for him right from the "get go." Trusted her totally though, at the time.
Her friend wanted her to fly out to see her, and i was concerend that she was going to meet him as well. We were supposed to go out one night with some friends, and she went to go put her make-up on, but took her phone with her. Well, i know it was not right of me, but while she was up there, i got on her facebook and went to messages, then sent messages. She had sent him a message about coming out, and deleted it. ( I was able to copy and paste it, but no longer have) Some of the things she did say were, " Im so smitten you" "hope we can hook up" "whatever happens; happens". I didnt admit i read it but got very emotional about me not wanting her to go. and she didnt. 
The friendship with the girl went away, and came back a few times over the course of the two years. They are friends again now, so about a month ago she went to "bed" and i came downstairs to do some school work, and was having the feelings that she was talking to him, or about him again. (everytime i would mention it, she would say, just let it go,im done with him.) Got on her facebook again that night; she and her friend were messaging about guess who. Said how strong her feeling were for him and how she misses him. 
Asking me again to just let it go. Well, i have honestly tried to. But I will go and check the history on her phone, and each and everyday, she will go to his page, as soon as she gets up, before even saying anything to me(I start work at 4AM) And even does it from her computer. 
If she wants me to let things go, why cant she let it go? 
I dont feel that she is talking to him, but why cant she let it him go if they were just friends?
At one point she had made me feel really bad for the things i had been thinking about the whole situation and i had emailed him to say i was sorry for thinking his friendship with my wife was more than it really was, told her. Then she email him, (got a copy on my own) she denied doing it at first; pressure and she admitted it and said he never responded. With that, here is a copy. Let me know what you honestly think please, ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Hey, Don't think I'm crazy (although I'm sure you already do) , but I wanted to write you to tell you a few things. First, I'm friends with ***** again, so you don't have to pass any message along to her. I really missed her and I' m glad we're in touch again. So, ****** told me he emailed you, which I didn't know about until after he told me you two talked. Since we haven't talked in like 3 months, I have had a lot of time to think. When I emailed you the other day, I was really depressed and really missed you and *****<-her girlfriend), but I came across as pathetic, yet again. In the 3 months we didn't talk, I did a lot of thinking. The way I acted with you was wrong. And I know I've said it before, but going out in to the workforce again and being my own person really made me aware of the way I acted towards you. I am not a needy person and never have been, but I was with you. I was going through a rough patch and really needed you to talk to. But I was putting too much pressure on our friendship. I've never been like that.. ever! I grew up as the oldest of 7 kids. My family always depended on me. I went to work at 15 to help buy things for my brothers and sisters. When I've been in relationships before, I was always free to do my own things. For once in my life, I had to depend on someone else, and I hated that feeling. I like to go out and work and take care of myself. I'm not used to letting someone else do that. I liked talking to you because it made me feel like me again... but I lost myself along the way and made you feel like I was dependent on you. And that is never how I want to make someone feel! I'm sorry, *****<-him). And I honestly mean that! Getting my teaching license was the best thing ever, because it made me remember who I am. I have always been outgoing and I never needed anyone to depend on, and I lost that somewhere in the years I have been married, and I needed to find it again. I'm sorry for the way I made YOU feel. You didn't need all of my crap. Despite everything, you are still wrong when you say you aren't who I think you are. Maybe I don't know you personally, but I know that I could talk to you like I've known you all my life. That meant something to me. I enjoyed our talks, when we did talk. The rest of it.. doesn't matter. I am the one who made our friendship unhealthy and I'm sorry for that. I put demands on you that I shouldn't have made. For what it's worth, I am honestly sorry... I found myself again and got rid of that needy person. For once I know that I can take care of my kids and me. I will always be able to do that, and that is what I needed to know again. Becoming a teacher was the best thing ever. I've changed for the better. So, I hope you can honestly forgive me. I am not asking for you to email me back or talk to me again or anything you don't want to do. All I' m asking is that you think about what I'm saying, take it to heart and know I'm being genuine. I honestly do care about you and always will. Just know that if you ever want to talk or need to talk, I'm just an email away. Have a good weekend, *****<-him)! ******<-wife) =)


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Does you wife communicate and tell you her feeling like this email does?

If not, the time to repair this marriage is now. Take what you've read and use it for your benifit. I do aggree that the emotion shown on this email is concerning, in turn you should be just as concerned with your relationship between the two of you and what you need to do for your self to get her to reconnect with you instead of the OM. 

If you can get to point were she is sending you these kind of emails you will have a chance. So face it, if its not going anywere with the reciepent of this email, sooner or later she will be sending another email to a different guy, some were down the road. 

Prevent that from hapening and take the action you need to get your wife to send only you... these kinds of emails.


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