# She left me and seems to be pushing towards a divorce. What do I do now?



## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

I was torn whether to post this in the dealing with infidelity section or here but most of my questions are in regards to our separation.

Quick back story. I had an affair before we got married and online activity while we were married. She caught me texting with someone and I came completely clean. I admitted to everything and wanted to maintain our marriage. She took most of her belongings, most of our money and moved out. She is living with her parents, not working and having me pay all the bills. Initially she had an open ended demand that I pay our bills. When I told her that couldn't happen she set a date 3 months out. I had been waiting to here in regards to a job across the country and she was insistent that, "we" make the decision on the job.

I got the offer and called her for her input. I explained the benefits to our marriage in regards to not taking the job and she agreed. After she talked to her counselor she called me back and said that we are separated and I have to make that decision on my own. I asked for her thoughts in a non-committal way and she just keeps telling me that she doesn't know, she has no decision and she can't talk to me about reconciliation. 

We had been planning to sell our house for the job but she has now said she cannot come back and live with me in the house. She is pushing me to sell it anyway. When I asked her what house I should move into she says that we are separated and I need to make that decision on my own. This has only been going on since 07-04-11 (when she found out about the affair) and she is still very angry when we talk. But at times she seems very sad when I talk about divorce.

I feel in her heart of hearts that she wants us to stay together. But how am I supposed to sell our house and buy a home with no input. If she wants a divorce why doesn't she just say so? 

I have no idea how to even proceed. Any thoughts?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Give her space. You violated her trust. What do you want her to do?


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

Put the house on the market. Even though my X didn't sleep with the OW in our home, I hate it and I am divorcing him and leaving the house. I cant stand the memories anymore. Im not saying that's your solution but for me (woman), I dont want to spend anymore time here.


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## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

Ok so my job offer clear across the country came. I turned it down because I know it would be giving up our marriage. We discussed it since we are separated and she said she wanted to make sure I made the decision for me. I explained that I am holding onto faith that she will come back and we will work out our marriage. I know that by my moving across the country it would be a death sentence for our marriage.

I also know that when I began my quest for this job my entire thought was her and I moving there. Never was I just thinking about myself. To me no job is worth my marriage. She called last night and we talked for over an hour. She finally told me that she misses me and we had a really could discussion. She again said she is not sure what she wants. She did seem to be leaning more towards at least considering working things out. She made the statement that she is worried my recent changes are not going to be long term and I totally understand. I would be thinking that if I were her too.

Now I am wondering with the hard 180 if at some point I should start not talking to her as much in an attempt to bring her back. It was such a good talk then in a test today she said that I need to be concentrating on just me because we are separated. It is just so hard because me includes, "we" because we are still married and I am not giving up on that.


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