# Full of emotions, turmoil...after leaving.



## lovingmy2boys (Aug 27, 2010)

Hi,

I posted last week about leaving my abusive controlling bully husband. I left Monday, and he was served with papers. I was so worried about how he would react (violently, etc.). He actually reacted very sad/depressed. 

He's been very down everytime I talk with him on the phone. He's been able to talk with the kids, as I bought a pre-paid phone for him to call them. 

But he's being very manipulative, in someways. He got a lawyer and they keep asking for visitation of the kids. They also are bucking at the financial support that is outlined in a temporary order/settlement. They aren't addressing the abusive issues...just skirting around them. Focusing on getting to see the kids. I'm not sure how I feel about it...I mean I feel like he should get to see the kids, but under what circumstances? Should he be supervised?

I actually felt sad the other night and cried. This just feels weird/surreal...that everything is changed/different. I'm not sure what to say to my children (2 and 4.5 YO). We've been out of town for almost a week (to be safe, JIC)...and are going back in the area tomorrow. But not going back to our old house. I'm sure my older son will be asking why not. 

I guess I'm not sure how to feel or what to expect at this early stage. I wish I had some close friends to talk to...

Anyway, sorry for the rambling/vent, but not sure how to feel.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I don’t think it’s about “how to feel”. I think it’s more to do about what we feel and why we feel that way.

We’re sad? Why are we sad? We’re angry? Why are we angry? We’re despondent? Why are we despondent?

I think it’s more about “naming” what it is we’re feeling and then working out why we feel that way. This is how we “work through our emotions”. The “what” is common to everyone as we all feel the same emotions. But the “why” is different and subjective, the “why” can be unique to all of us. That’s why at times it’s very hard to come to a conclusion, a judgment about why we feel about what we feel.

Conclusions and judgements take time. It took me about six or seven months before I came to my conclusions and judgements about why I was feeling how I did. They are my judgements, nobody else’s. Somebody else would probably have come to different conclusions and judgements, but that’s not the point in all this.

Here’s an example. You were pretty convinced your husband was going to respond with anger, but he responded sad. You don’t know as yet if he will be depressed, depression is sadness that lasts for more than 4 weeks.

Bob


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