# Different woman when drinking



## doit (Aug 18, 2015)

So my wife (of 15 years) seems to become a different person when she drinks. She's more flirtatious and horny. This is all good  
My questions come from what my wife says when she's not intoxicated, and what she seems to want when she is. I'll say that we don't really drink during the week, but we have fun almost every weekend and partying into the late night is often the case. 

We talk about sex and what we like and dislike. my wife has said she wants NO part of anal, NO ANAL. Okay, she's said she doesn't like rough sex, she doesn't like anything that is "disrespectful". Again, I'm okay with all this. 

What I'm trying to understand is, when she's been drinking (a lot) all this goes out the window. I noticed first when we'd have sex while she was toasted, she'd get really turned on when i put my hand around her neck. I wasn't intentionally trying to choke her, or be rough, but her reaction was very positive so I played along and she'd start to talk dirty telling me what she wanted me to do to her. She wanted it rough. 
I'll mention that when she's this intoxicated, she says she doesn't really remember what she does the night before, so when I asked her about it, she didn't admit to enjoying any of it and just couldn't remember what I was talking about. 
This went on several times and I stepped up the roughness to meet her requests. Then she started talking about me taking her anally, which I did and she seemed to really be into that too. 
Now when she's that drunk we do all kinds of things that she'd said she would never do, yet she doesn't admit to them (or remember them) and still insists that anal is off limits, she doesn't like rough sex, etc. The latest thing when she's really drunk and we're having sex is that she's started to talk about having multiple men ****ing her, as well as having sex with another woman. 
The thought is intriguing (either) I'll admit, but she would NEVER talk about doing such a thing when sober. 
At this point, I'm trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between her drunk self and sober self. I'd love to explore these (drunk) desires with her, but if she's not able to discuss them when sober (or wont even admit to them) then I'd be very concerned to bring one or more additional partners into our bed when she's drunk . 

Anyone have any similar experience with this type of "dual personality"?


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

No experience but definitely don't act on those drunk wishes of hers until she is able to talk about them when she is sober. I wish you luck. Maybe get her to drink less one Saturday night and then talk about it? That way she's kind of buzzed but would remember the conversation. 

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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Why don't you ask her permission to record one of her drunk sex sessions. Then play it for her when she's sober so she can actually hear what she is saying (no need to video it, sounds like the audio alone would provide ample details.)

Maybe she'll be turned on by what is actually occurring. But ask FIRST.

Honestly though, if she's getting that drunk every weekend it sounds like she's drinking way too much. I'd be more concerned about the booze than the sex.


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## chronicallyfrustrated (Jul 21, 2017)

Intoxication lowers our inhibitions. My guess would be that your wife does want these things, sober or otherwise, but feels too freaked out by the idea of them when sober to even discuss them. Maybe they feel physically dangerous, or just socially taboo, which is what makes them both attractive and repulsive. Unless she is getting totally black out drunk every weekend - which is a relationship and mental health problem all it's own - she definitely remembers. If she really is getting black out drunk, and you're repeatedly and intentionally taking advantage of her vulnerability in that state, that's basically sexual assault. 

Put away the drinking for a while, and make a solid effort to explore these sexual pieces while sober and fully emotionally present with each other.

Drunk surprise threesome is a bad idea. Don't do it.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

chronicallyfrustrated said:


> Intoxication lowers our inhibitions. My guess would be that your wife does want these things, sober or otherwise, but feels too freaked out by the idea of them when sober to even discuss them. Maybe they feel physically dangerous, or just socially taboo, which is what makes them both attractive and repulsive. Unless she is getting totally black out drunk every weekend - which is a relationship and mental health problem all it's own - she definitely remembers. If she really is getting black out drunk, and you're repeatedly and intentionally taking advantage of her vulnerability in that state, that's basically sexual assault.
> 
> Put away the drinking for a while, and make a solid effort to explore these sexual pieces while sober and fully emotionally present with each other.
> 
> Drunk surprise threesome is a bad idea. Don't do it.


This.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I am a fan of rough sex but I am not a fan of rough sex when it's not discussed and agreed on when you are sober. 

This kind of thing needs SOBER consent no matter how much she enjoys it drunk. 

You are also drunk during these times, rough sex can get dangerous when not done properly. Choking can lead to a blood clot that can damage her brain weeks later. You're not in the right frame of mind to be as cautious as you need to be. 

Imo, I am involved in a lot of rough play and I would only have rough sex while sober and while he was sober period. 

Have her go on fetlife, look at kinks, show her she's normal to want these things and read up on safety during them. And she talks about it with you sober or you don't do it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Oh and it goes without saying to NOT involve other people without her clear, sober consent. You mention her wanting to bang multiple guys or a woman. Totally normal fantasy and if you go through with it the kind of men/woman you want for your and her safety are the kind that would *not* do it while either of you were drunk. 100% sober for that. And there is sooo much sober conversation needed for that kind of thing. Boundaries, rules, escape plans if either of you wants to stop, after discussion. Get it out of your mind for it to happen anywhere in the near future. She's got a long ways to go before you're there.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I agree with others. You need to be able to discuss this sober or the whole consent issue becomes muddied. Try to explain to her that you are concerned FOR HER. You want to pleas her in bed, but at the same time you don't want to do anything that she will regret later. Otherwise you are setting yourselves up for a really terrible experience some day.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Doesn't matter if she's your wife, your girlfriend, or some woman you picked up somewhere - being drunk isn't consent.

If she truly doesn't remember saying, or doing, those things - that's bad. You clearly are remembering them, so what does that tell you?

But the truly bad thing about this is that you seem to want to take advantage of her in this state, and are looking for ways to do so.

And it seems that you're getting advice, too.

Ugh.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

alexm said:


> Doesn't matter if she's your wife, your girlfriend, or some woman you picked up somewhere - being drunk isn't consent.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Yup.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

alexm said:


> Doesn't matter if she's your wife, your girlfriend, or some woman you picked up somewhere - being drunk isn't consent.
> 
> If she truly doesn't remember saying, or doing, those things - that's bad. You clearly are remembering them, so what does that tell you?
> 
> ...


OP, what AlexM just said.

If she is THAT drunk. Its not cool. 

Now if this is just some little game she likes to play, I get it a little. Maybe she is just too reserved and is using the alcohol as an excuse to let loose and get wild with you. Likely she remembers it all and actually REALLY liked it rough, and liked the anal. But again just cant admit it to herself let alone you.

Thing is you need to find out which it is. 

As far as my advice on bringing other people into your bedroom? I wouldnt do it. You and your wife have this talk and you get her to open up SOBER about all her wants and desires? Its up to you. But enough people on here will tell you its a bad idea even IF you get her to open up and she SWEARS she wants to.


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## stiiky (Jul 29, 2017)

I used to be like that when I got that drunk. For me, I’m open to more things like anal when I’m drunk because I am more relaxed, but it would take a lot of drinking. I will not do it when sober because it hurts way too much. I honestly wouldn’t bring in another person in the bedroom if she is opposed to it when sober. It’s all fun and fantasy, but to actually do it takes a whole other level of confidence that your wife may not have and a really strong relationship. I actually decided to stop drinking because I was tired of not remembering what happened or could only remember bits and pieces of what happened.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You did not marry a drunk women,

You married a sober women. The sober women is the keeper.

The drunk one is not to be trusted with your heart.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Hmmm...I dunno about this one guys. Something smells . 


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