# Anxiety attacks caused by the aftermath of the affair



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I am wondering if any of you started having anxiety attacks after the affair was discovered? Because I do. I never had them before and now I get to where I can't catch my breath, I shake, my chest tightens and I can't focus on anything. The thing is I feel I shouldn't be having these attacks (or at least I should know how to better handle them) because I actually took a college course on crisis intervention, and how to help a person with anxiety was one of the things learned. So, why can't I calm myself down? If you suffer from any anxiety attacks, how do you calm yourself down? How do you release and relax?


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## dee515 (Nov 30, 2011)

I've been having them all the time too. Uncontrollable. I think it is a natural reaction to something traumatic. Try deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation. If that doesn't help, consider seeing the dr for medication. Whatever you need to take care of yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

As the one in the affair, I did. I actually had them during as well because of the guilt.


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## Wanabeelee (Sep 6, 2011)

Very bad ones. I try breathing in my gut and not my chest.... some times it works some times it dont.


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## Oregon38 (Sep 19, 2010)

I've been there way too often too, still get them. This has helped me:

- deep breathing, especially square breathing
- walking
- leaving the scene that triggered the anxiety attack
- focusing on something different and describing it when you can't leave the environment
- calling a support person
- meds of course

Know what triggers you and have a plan when the anxiety attack happens. Be realistic, they WILL happen. But if you know and recognize them, you CAN control the situation.

Luckily, they get less over time, get more managable (at least for me I don't get occupied with it all day anymore)


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Anxiety Attacks?... Ahhhhhhh yes...

They were discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named them anxiety attack, which of course in German means a whale's vagina. 

Ok... Ok.....

I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what that means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.










ps. did you smile?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

With patience, you can learn to recognize them sooner, before they take ahold. Then when you feel one coming on, you can do something positive for yourself. Say yes instead of no. Allow yourself to do something for yourself that emphasizes that no matter what, you will be there for yourself.

Short of that, yes, you can take physiological control over them by whatever relaxes you that is legal and does not infringe on anyone else's rights. I've seen teenagers jumping up and down on beds shouting whatever pops into their minds. Some people just go for walks. Sometimes even a simple thing like making cookies or picking up trash or hanging out laundry can relieve anxiety. Such things give you back control. Anxiety is more or less about losing control or being out of control (either because of yourself or because of someone else - usually because of someone else!!!). 

If it has got out of hand one of the things you can do to regain control is to use pharmaceuticals. They can be titered so that you can take as little as you feel you might need. For instance, sometimes if you know you are going to be in a situation where you know you have been anxious before and can predict you will be anxious again, and it matters too much to take chances with other sorts of control (i.e. divorce hearing, confrontations, etc.) then it's good to head things off in advance. If this means pharmaceutically, sometimes that can be appropriate. I am not a huge fan of pharmaceuticals. But there are times, and our society is not set up for going out into nature to get what you need, so yes, that means an Rx.


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

I'm not a therapist, but I firmly believe that the best thing you can do is to focus on one part of your life that you _can_ control whenever the waves hit.

For me it was depression more than anxiety.

I walked. "Exercise."

Of course, there was one bad, bad day where I walked 12 miles (4 in the morning and 8 in the evening).


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Anxiety Attacks?... Ahhhhhhh yes...
> 
> They were discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named them anxiety attack, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
> 
> ...


 ja, du hast mich zum Lächeln


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## Oregon38 (Sep 19, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> ja, du hast mich zum Lächeln


Awesome, finally I can read something in my native language  That made my day.

BTW I guess I missed something in my history classes about those whales


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Oregon38 said:


> Awesome, finally I can read something in my native language  That made my day.
> 
> BTW I guess I missed something in my history classes about those whales


Froh, dass ich machen könnte Ihr Tag


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## KatiezMomma (Nov 17, 2011)

I get them when driving home from work and know that I am spending the rest of the evening around him while he is texting his "friend". I started smoking again after DDay but have quit so now I am walking whenever things start getting overwhelming. My poor dog is 15 years old and gives me the evil eye whenever I head towards the door.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Froh, dass ich machen könnte Ihr Tag


Que diablos estas diciendo mujer?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Que diablos estas diciendo mujer?


LOL, I don't know Spanish, Mori.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> LOL, I don't know Spanish, Mori.


Dear Apple, it translates into 'What the devil are you saying woman?'


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## hipcat77 (Nov 28, 2011)

i too have never ever had them before and I having them almost everyday. I have noticed that staying away from caffeine has helped considerably. I have also been to the Dr. and have gotten a Rx for zoloft.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

hipcat77 said:


> i too have never ever had them before and I having them almost everyday. I have noticed that staying away from caffeine has helped considerably. I have also been to the Dr. and have gotten a Rx for zoloft.


I drink a lot of sweet tea. That is my weakness but I will cut back to see if that helps.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Dear Apple, it translates into 'What the devil are you saying woman?'


It said "Glad I could make your day"


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

i Have been getting nasty ones. They started fairly recently and I can end up in a ball on the floor until I can get over the initial shock of one hitting me. Mostly they trigger after I have had to see the Ex and last anything from a few mins to an hour..
I am seeing a therapist and she is doing the breathing thing . I have to say that if it was that easy I wouldn't be having them Spotting them early and walking is good!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I know this will be of no help 

but the way I got thru anxiety attacks in my early 20's was thru experience

something "clicked" inside of me, the logic side of my brain just said to me, "You've been through this many times before and you're not gonna die, just tough it out and it will pass" 
after that, the attacks lessened in intensity with each one and after about 4-5 more I stopped having them

on rare occasions I get mini panic attacks but I recognize them and they stop within 10 minutes


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Anxiety,,,my old familiar spell that the WW has put my soul into for 4 times now. Yes,men have this as bad as women when done wrong by the one you have gave your heart and soul to.
And 3 times previously that anxiety has tormented me out of my mind to the point that I would ask the WW to come back and I would allow everything to be swept under the rug. It was because I had no friends that I could confide in and because I never went public with the WW's infidelity that even my children wanted nothing to do with me. It was all kept secret from the children about their mother being a cheat. And of course she siezed that opportunity to turn them against me and I just let it ride.
BUT!!!!! Our court date is in less than 6 days from the time I am typing this and I will by the grace of God continue to be totaly dark with any communication with her and will keep this court date come hell or high water if it kills me! I am sick of this woman treating me like dog sh*t and as I walk out of that court a divorced man I will start looking for another woman,,,or hell,maybe a dozen if it takes that many to keep me strong. I know that is not the thing to do but...my anxiety has turned to a hellish bitterness. I am attractive and in great physical condition...hell,I even have a sexy 4 pack stomach,lol. Pretty good for a 57 year old. Been getting looks,smiles,and approached by women at my divorced support group and after 38 1/2 years of putting up with an unfaithful cheating wife,honey I will do anything to move on and find a life now.
Getting back into the karaoke seen this week and may look for a good country band that needs a good lead singer. 
Apple,I think the thing to do to deal with anxiety is just that,,,get busy,get active,as another said exercise and find things to keep you busy and the anxiety and hurt will eventually start fading away.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Bartimaus said:


> Anxiety,,,my old familiar spell that the WW has put my soul into for 4 times now. Yes,men have this as bad as women when done wrong by the one you have gave your heart and soul to.
> And 3 times previously that anxiety has tormented me out of my mind to the point that I would ask the WW to come back and I would allow everything to be swept under the rug. It was because I had no friends that I could confide in and because I never went public with the WW's infidelity that even my children wanted nothing to do with me. It was all kept secret from the children about their mother being a cheat. And of course she siezed that opportunity to turn them against me and I just let it ride.
> BUT!!!!! Our court date is in less than 6 days from the time I am typing this and I will by the grace of God continue to be totaly dark with any communication with her and will keep this court date come hell or high water if it kills me! I am sick of this woman treating me like dog sh*t and as I walk out of that court a divorced man I will start looking for another woman,,,or hell,maybe a dozen if it takes that many to keep me strong. I know that is not the thing to do but...my anxiety has turned to a hellish bitterness. I am attractive and in great physical condition...hell,I even have a sexy 4 pack stomach,lol. Pretty good for a 57 year old. Been getting looks,smiles,and approached by women at my divorced support group and after 38 1/2 years of putting up with an unfaithful cheating wife,honey I will do anything to move on and find a life now.
> Getting back into the karaoke seen this week and may look for a good country band that needs a good lead singer.
> Apple,I think the thing to do to deal with anxiety is just that,,,get busy,get active,as another said exercise and find things to keep you busy and the anxiety and hurt will eventually start fading away.


If I'm ever in Ohio, I'll look you up for a night of karaoke  I'm sure we can find some fun duets to sing


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Question - are most of you responders in R, have D'd, or are in limbo?

I would think if in true R, anxiety would be greatly diminished. I had 1-2 bad ones early on when in false R/limbo. But since we really started working on true R I haven't had any. Doesn't mean I don't still think about her EA every day to some extent.

I imagine for those in limbo, the anxiety would be horrible on a daily basis. This is why I told my WW to choose him or me.

Apple, didn't you D? Are you still getting them after D?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> Question - are most of you responders in R, have D'd, or are in limbo?
> 
> I would think if in true R, anxiety would be greatly diminished. I had 1-2 bad ones early on when in false R/limbo. But since we really started working on true R I haven't had any. Doesn't mean I don't still think about her EA every day to some extent.
> 
> ...


Yes, I am now divorced--6 months exactly today. And I just started getting them around Thanksgiving time. I'm thinking it's some sort of holiday trigger. I never had them during the divorce process. I had some this time last year as it was this time last year that asshat was running around with the skuzzy but once I kicked him out of the house, the panic attacks stopped but now they've started up again. Maybe once I gtet past the holidays, it will go away once again.


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