# Looking for a ladies point of view..



## HEADENDTECH (Nov 8, 2009)

Hello, my wife has a friend who is a gay woman they have know each other for about 10 years I just happen to be going through some emails I saw one sent by her ,not my wife that pretty much said to her listen to the words of the abba song take a chance on me ..did you have a chance to read them???? i DIDnot see any replies on my wife side to her about this i checked...doesn't mean it was not erased though i am very angry on just the thought of this...So with that i ask her yesterday ooo YOU know your friend lisa is she trying to be a little to nice...????? Not telling her a saw the email. AND my wife said no......you have nothing to be worried about...she went on to said i told her a long time ago i was not interested in her...now i have a gay friend at work who is a girl and i dont tell her im not interested in her it where just friends and why would i say that uno.....I am still fuming about this ,losing sleep ..I want to believe her but why would her friend put that in her email...now this is my wifes other email account that was left open by accident that i dont normally see....I am very upset over this it might be nothing but I still am...


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

Can I ask what made you go through her email in the first place?
Is there a history of infidelity or previous cause for mistrust?
Do you fully trust your wife?


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## HEADENDTECH (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi i was not going through her emails, I went on our computer where it has different logins and it was opened to that email/ i couldn't miss it to tell the truth no i dont trust her fully after reading the email i want to but i dont..


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

But did you trust her before?
Have you considered just putting it on the table and telling her the truth?
If that email was open on the communal computer and it was open to that specific message, no harm done by you. 
From the sounds of it if you weren't snooping around or invading her privacy, you have done nothing wrong, so if you let her know that you happened to see this email by mistake and just ask her for the back-story or clarification on it?


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

I think you missed your chance to talk to her directly about the e-mail without her thinking that you were snooping, which will only make things worse. 

Now you are going to have to decide whether to believe what she says or not. The more you bring it up with her, the worse it will get for you. You are entering into a vicious cycle of thinking that your wife is unfaithful, and then looking for "evidence" in the things she says or does to support that point of view, and when she gets irritated with you (nothing is more irritating than not being believed by your loved ones), you're going to take that as evidence that she's up to no good and there you are at the beginning of the cycle again.

So the only way out for you now is to decide - is she or is she not involved with this woman? You yourself said that you didn't see a reply from your wife. If I were you I would drop it, choose to trust her, and restore your relationship with your wife.

Of course, that's just me.


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## HEADENDTECH (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Mal74 thanks for your input.No i DIDNOT see a reply from her doesn't mean though that one was not sent in some for or another im just speculating .I read the song in question have you read the words???PLEASE read them its from ABBA (TAKE A CHANCE ON ME)thats what got me really angry....its hard you know i dont like feeling this way..


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Try not to speculate, it'll just drive you crazy. If your wife has told you that you have nothing to worry about, consider why you're worrying. It seems like a security thing for you, not a problem with something your wife is doing.

Has she done something to break your trust? Have you had a chance to talk to this woman (like you would another man)? Could you display some, ahem, manly affection on your wife to give this friend a hint?


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## HEADENDTECH (Nov 8, 2009)

No I HAVe not HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO HER BECAUSE I NEVER SEE HER ,my wifes KNOWN her for 10 years and maybe ive seen her 2 times..as a woman though how would you take that email??


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