# Married wife going on spring break ...alone!!



## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Hi all. Hope everyone is okay. I had some issues with wife a few months ago but we resolved that. That's not what I'm here to discuss. However in brief ill say is she ended our marriage. We lived together for a month and a half in the same house. She saw someone for that one month. Didnt go well. We got back together after a lot of counseling and talking and openness where we shared each others passwords and now have an open look at the others phone when we need be. Anyway that's the past. 

My wives sister just came to visit us. They haven't seen each other in ten yrs. They had a great weekend.She lives in Florida. My wife has told me she is going to visit her sister who lives at the pan handle for spring break. Alone. Her sis has a bf and kids. My wife will be staying with her. She will get there Monday and leave Thursday. Not the weekend. 

Without jealousy but with total balanced view, is this okay? I think if in went for spring break is go with her. But that's me. My wife is in her thirties. 

What's everyone's view here on this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The little of this thread makes it seem like your wife is going to some wild spring break like we see on TV.. with drunk college kids. But that's not the case.

I don't know if you should be ok with this. You have to make your own decision.

Are you upset just because she is going without you?

Or are you upset because you do not trust your wife?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You are plan B to begin with.

You have already shown her that you will wait around while she gets balled by losers until they get tired of her.

You have an extremely unhealthy relationship with a very bad foundation dynamic.

If she was seriously remorseful, she would be doing everything in her power to earn your trust back.

This obviously makes you uncomfortable but why the hell should she care?

She already let a loser take her body and you were right there waiting to get the leftovers when he was done stealing your dinner, so to speak.

You apparently think to little of yourself and FAR to much of her.

I could give you dozens of tips on how to navigate this and get her fully on board with R but I will not.

She does not respect or deserve you. Why are you wasting your time with her?

Don't tell me you love her. Love is action and she has shown you what she is about. Maybe you have her on a pedestal?

What has your counselor advised you two about rebuilding what she destroyed?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

'Xpring' break is for kids. 

Thirty year olds don't do spring break. They go on vacation with their spouces. Just saying.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Never mind. From another examination of your post, I can tell what type of counselling you have received and it is garbage.

You are more than likely beyond help. If you don't have kids, please don't bring them in to this.

Just get used to being a backup plan for your wife's wanderings.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Wasn't it just recent your M was on the rocks? 

Wow, all that trust is back already? She's doing great. What honesty! She didn't even play it off as a family visit. She just came right out and *"told"* you, she was going to spring break.

Good luck


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

The probability of your wife being completely change in that short amount of time is probably low. In behavioral psychology, years and years of building a certain behavioral pattern will probably take a long time to undo. I am not completely saying your wife can't be trusted, as you know her best, but her being this fully transformed person, in this short amount of time is really unlikely.

I don't know your story fully and the way your wife behaved during your marital issues. Your gut is certainly a better indication, because your subconscious picks up the minor details and makes a better inference with the data.

If you feel nervous about her going, make plans with friends when she is gone and keep yourself busy. Work on self-improvement just in case. Since the infidelity was recent, your trust level is probably nowhere as near as it was before the infidelity.

My best advice is to be analytical as much as possible. Take your mind to a neutral place, and use your best judgement from there. Emotions will always cloud our thinking.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> The probability of your wife being completely change in that short amount of time is probably low. In behavioral psychology, years and years of building a certain behavioral pattern will probably take a long time to undo. I am not completely saying your wife can't be trusted, as you know her best, but her being this fully transformed person, in this short amount of time is really unlikely.
> 
> I don't know your story fully and the way your wife behaved during your marital issues. Your gut is certainly a better indication, because your subconscious picks up the minor details and makes a better inference with the data.
> 
> ...


Mr Fisty thanks. Nicely put
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Hi all. Hope everyone is okay. I had some issues with wife a few months ago but we resolved that. That's not what I'm here to discuss. However in brief ill say is she ended our marriage. We lived together for a month and a half in the same house. She saw someone for that one month. Didnt go well. We got back together after a lot of counseling and talking and openness where we shared each others passwords and now have an open look at the others phone when we need be. Anyway that's the past.
> 
> My wives sister just came to visit us. They haven't seen each other in ten yrs. They had a great weekend.She lives in Florida. My wife has told me she is going to visit her sister who lives at the pan handle for spring break. Alone. Her sis has a bf and kids. My wife will be staying with her. She will get there Monday and leave Thursday. Not the weekend.
> 
> ...


News flash...

She's not going alone. Or, at the very least, she's not going to be there alone.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> News flash...
> 
> She's not going alone. Or, at the very least, she's not going to be there alone.



Good food for thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeyMon (Apr 15, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> News flash...
> 
> She's not going alone. Or, at the very least, she's not going to be there alone.


I fear Gus may be right. I lived it. She went back to her home state to visit her family for 3 weeks; I was unable to travel due to work. 

One month after her return, I got the Bomb Drop. Old HS boyfriend from 35 years ago, hooked up on FB, and you know the rest. 

Not saying this will happen to you, but I hope not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I went back and read your other thread. 

There is no reason for you to trust your wife. I'm sure that this is how you feel.

Is she driving there? If she is, and you have not left her by the time she goes, get a VAR and hide it in her car, using adhesive back Velcro. You will find out what is really going on.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I went back and read your other thread.
> 
> There is no reason for you to trust your wife. I'm sure that this is how you feel.
> 
> Is she driving there? If she is, and you have not left her by the time she goes, get a VAR and hide it in her car, using adhesive back Velcro. You will find out what is really going on.


How long is var battery. She's driving
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Tell her:
- it is too soon since the breakup. 
- She hasn't earned your trust yet. 
- Even suggesting that she could go alone, puts your reconciliation back a bunch


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

SadSamIAm said:


> Tell her:
> - it is too soon since the breakup.
> - She hasn't earned your trust yet.
> - Even suggesting that she could go alone, puts your reconciliation back a bunch


That's how I feel. Too soon. Told her id be going to see my cousin too n she was ok. Not saying she's cheating . Just being cautious
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Lithium batteries suffice quite nicely


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

I like other posters doubt if she is going to be alone there that's providing that she is actually going there and not somewhere else, i cant see why she cant take you as she can still see her and work on injecting fun back into the relationship if she is genuine, if finances allow make a surprise visit to enjoy the break one night together away from the norm, it will soon be obvious if she is there alone or not or there at all


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Are you kidding me ? I am very familiar with your story. No one here on TAM that commented on your last thread thought that you handled the situation well or that it ended well. It was a massive rug sweep! 

For example, you were grateful that she only slept with a 21 year old guy twice! Incredible! And you managed to make yourself believe that she was truly remorseful (although she didn't do anything to prove this or back this up) and that you two were truly in love with each other!

And here we are again, as she is getting ready to disrespect you once again! When are you going to learn?

I would tell her to pack all her stuff and move to Florida if she goes. It seems that she is either completely insensitive, doesn't really get it when she does wrong, or knows that she can walk all over you and you will take her back. I suspect it is the last one.

Stop letting her do this and dump her for even wanting to go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shakazulu2420 said:


> How long is var battery. She's driving


I did a google search on the following :

“voice activated digital recorder day standby”
“voice activated digital recorder battery life”


Best Buy has quite a few to chose from.. you might need to check the manufacture's site for battery life and stand by time

Amazon.com: Anybest PRO 8GB LCD *40hr Battery Life *PCM Digital stereo recorder USB Voice Recorder Pen with Sensitive Voice activated function: Electronics

40 hrs

Olympus VN-7200 Digital Voice Recorder, 2GB Memory V404130BU000

Olympus VN-7200 Digital Voice Recorder with 2GB Memory, 1150 Hours Recording Time, *86 Hour Battery life*, Voice Actuator, Playback Speed Control

Voice activation saves battery life by recording only when the microphone senses sound


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What kind of cell phone does she have?


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Mr Useless said:


> I like other posters doubt if she is going to be alone there that's providing that she is actually going there and not somewhere else, i cant see why she cant take you as she can still see her and work on injecting fun back into the relationship if she is genuine, if finances allow make a surprise visit to enjoy the break one night together away from the norm, it will soon be obvious if she is there alone or not or there at all


No I know she's going there. For sure. Cell phone spyware should do the trick. Its her sis she hasn't seen in TEN yrs. She gets one day off Christmas n one day new yr. N spring break four days. We will see how it plays out. March is still far away. Was just wondering not in my case but what people personally Think of this situation IN THEIR LIVES
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Was just wondering not in my case but what people personally Think of this situation IN THEIR LIVES


Did she say that she is going there for Spring Break.. as in going to hang out at the beach, get plastered, etc?

Or did she say that she is going to visit her sister during spring beak week?

In my personal life? If my husband had done what your wife did.. no way would I be ok with him going alone on a vacation without me for a week.. not just a few months after the cheating.

Are you aware that a BS usually takes 2-5 YEARS to recover from their spouse cheating. Your situation in only a few weeks old.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Did she say that she is going there for Spring Break.. as in going to hang out at the beach, get plastered, etc?
> 
> Or did she say that she is going to visit her sister during spring beak week?
> 
> ...


Very soberly put . I like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Did she say that she is going there for Spring Break.. as in going to hang out at the beach, get plastered, etc?
> 
> Or did she say that she is going to visit her sister during spring beak week?
> 
> ...


#
Thanks for that i was wondering if it was just me, shakazulu it will hit you once things calm down it did with me, if you intend to stay together get things right now new ground rules etc, and going off alone isn't one of them not yet anyway, i carried on as normal apart from expected first hand anger and ignored my hurt feelings etc for the kids but it will come back around and bite you from an unexpected trigger and knock you for six it did with me, so listen to Elegirl GusPolinski among others and get things fixed for you not her so you can move on and rebuild love and some trust again and right now you have neither


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Mr Useless said:


> #
> Thanks for that i was wondering if it was just me, shakazulu it will hit you once things calm down it did with me, if you intend to stay together get things right now new ground rules etc, and going off alone isn't one of them not yet anyway, i carried on as normal apart from expected first hand anger and ignored my hurt feelings etc for the kids but it will come back around and bite you from an unexpected trigger and knock you for six it did with me, so listen to Elegirl GusPolinski among others and get things fixed for you not her so you can move on and rebuild love and some trust again and right now you have neither


Thank you. I'm thinking now isn't the time to be taking solo vacations . Down the road maybe. Now its too soon.Oh btw new rules have been set. And they are being followed. I have her fb password. I have access to her cell anytime. Previously she hid it and took it everywhere. No visiting friends after work. After work is family time. Previously she would visit friends until 9pm like five days a week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Your wife, who likes sleeping with young men, is going to spring break without you.

What could possibly go wrong?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Hi Shaka,

EleGirl gave you some really good points to think about. I agree with her that if my husband did the same thing as your wife, a trip like this is too soon for me. I think your are feeling a bit uncomfortable which is why you posed this question to TAM.

Are you & the kids able to go to FL too? Maybe all of you can go...you hang with the kids a day or two so your wife can reconnect with her sister. Then, a day or two everyone hangs out together...you can make into a family vacation.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

after she leaves, buy a plane ticket, fly down, and arrive there before her. rent a car and buy yourself a nice high-end DSLR with zoom lenses.

Then, tail your soon-to-be ex-wife, get lots of compromising photos, and give them to your lawyer, who can use them as a basis for the divorce filing on infidelity charges.

While she's gone you should also close out the joint bank accounts, cancel the joint credit cards, and change all the locks on your house. Have the lawyer file the divorce suit on the grounds of abandonment of the family home once she leaves.

just sayin'...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm confused. Thread title says wife is going on spring break nad then OP says

_My wives sister just came to visit us. They haven't seen each other in ten yrs. They had a great weekend.She lives in Florida. My wife has told me she is going to visit her sister who lives at the pan handle for spring break._

So the sister just happens to live nearby to where people go on vacation?

If that's the case, people vacation in a ton of different places lots of time. 

This thread title is seriously misleading.

Why don't you just go with her?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Come on down, OP! The wet t-shirt contests at Club La Vela in Panama City Beach are often fun.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I'm confused. Thread title says wife is going on spring break nad then OP says
> 
> _My wives sister just came to visit us. They haven't seen each other in ten yrs. They had a great weekend.She lives in Florida. My wife has told me she is going to visit her sister who lives at the pan handle for spring break._
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Methuselah said:


> after she leaves, buy a plane ticket, fly down, and arrive there before her. rent a car and buy yourself a nice high-end DSLR with zoom lenses.
> 
> Then, tail your soon-to-be ex-wife, get lots of compromising photos, and give them to your lawyer, who can use them as a basis for the divorce filing on infidelity charges.
> 
> ...


 A bit dramatic dont you think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Come on down, OP! The wet t-shirt contests at Club La Vela in Panama City Beach are often fun.


Thank you &#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Anyway that's the past.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh, no, it's not in the past. It's rearing its ugly head again and you aren't seeing it for what it is. 

At this point she should be taking advantage of every opportunity, including spring break, to bond with you. 

Conan nailed it in post #3.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Shakazulu, are you really and truly OK with what she did just prior to coming back to you.

And now this !?!?!?!?

I must be missing something huge here. She left and quite casually and matter-of-factly had sex with others. And then decided to come back and maybe even say a tiny "sorry" and you are OK. And now you're asking about her going away to Florida at a time when a lot of hormones will be on the loose there ? Don't you have other more serious issues to deal with or have you dealt with them already ? You seem to be avoiding addressing what I am saying. Why ? Do you think I am being too negative ?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

From your other thread:



shakazulu2420 said:


> Right now I'm not 100% out of the bush.


Neither are the other guys.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> A bit dramatic dont you think.


You're right. I overreacted. She clearly deeply loves you and you have absolutely nothing to worry about her travelling to visit her party-hearty-sister-with-the-live-in-boyfriend in the middle of Spring Break.

You two are clearly soulmates and destined to be with one another forever. I don't even know why you bothered to post this thread, it's so evident.

:slap:


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