# Separation So Confusing



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

It has been almost a month since my wife moved out. I'm just very confused.

She claims she is no longer having contact with the man she was having an EA with.

She claims she misses me - but seems to be focusing more on the general loneliness and a lack of sex.

She seems to want to spend more time with me, but I'm just not real sure if its a good idea.

We had a brief talk tonight, and even though she claimed she missed me, she really wasn't being that nice to me.

So - it would "appear" things are getting better, but I still have this odd feeling in my gut that things are only changing on the surface.

I guess the answer is to keep giving it time - but do I insist that we keep a distance, or is it OK to spend time together if things are feeling a little better?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

By default, your relationship will appear to improve during separation, simply because you aren't in proximity to harm or be harmed by one another. Both of you are alone much more, which can intensify feelings of loneliness. 

You are correct. At this point, it isn't a good idea to spend more time together. What you are feeling is a 'false positive'.

Think about how hard she pushed for this. Recall her behavior, and some of the things she said.

You will know if she means it. You will know if she wants reconciliation as opposed to she just doesn't want to be alone. She needs to be alone - that's the freakin' point.

You seem to have some healthy skepticism about it. So what are you feeling?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm not real sure what I feel. Hence the "confusing" part of the thread title.

I'm proud that I've stood my ground and spent most of the holidays with my kids, in MY house around MY Christmas tree. But I'm not proud that I'm helping fund her exploration to "find herself."

I feel like I'm doing just fine without her. I'm not sure I really miss her, but I can't imagine things without her either.

She stayed the night on Christmas Eve so she could be here when the kids woke up. Then she cried on Christmas day when it was time to leave. Regardless of why she cried, I can say that I really haven't felt a "sadness" since she moved out. Just a lot of stress from the holidays and adjusting to our new lives.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

You are doing great - and you can recognise your feelings - stick with NC or minimal contact. Stress and adjustment isn't the same as lovesickness. 

She has a long way to go before she is ready to committ to you.

You'll know if she has shifted.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hang in there and just keep your guard up, I'm a big believer in the gut feeling thing.
Take the time to think while she is gone and give her the same time to really figure out your feelings.
Keep your visits short and respectful, make her miss you and your life together.
In time you will both know if you are meant to be together or if the separation was the right thing for both of you.
Hang in there, it's tough with no contact or little contact because it feels like you are doing nothing...
be strong. and be happy


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

I agree with all of the above posters...it is just shy of 5 months for me.

my h is here alot because of our children...makes it much harder. he wants space, but hes not really getting the full picture of what a divorce would truly be like...im still working on boundaries

keep your chin up. nc is the best thing i have going for me, it is giving ME time!!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm also struggling with depression a bit right now. Without the structure of having the kids in school and going to work - this holiday break - I haven't been exercising or reading so much. A lot of time spent just "hanging out" with the kids or playing on the computer. Also eating too many cookies!

Hopefully I'll get back into a groove next week when things get back to normal. Have to work tomorrow and Thursday, so that will be good.

Thanks for the responses.


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