# First love after divorce and it can't happen...



## grays (Jun 24, 2014)

I've been single for about a year and a half after a 25 year marriage and dated tons of people, had a great time, but really kinda got to the end of my rope. Feel like I would trade all of the fun of being free and single in for some sweetness and cuddling. And I just finally found it. First met him about two months ago, but it was only about a week ago that I really embraced it. And then he was away during my kid free days this week, so I haven't seen him. And today he found out that he has orders to go to Hawaii in two weeks. 

I'm so sad to lose him, in particular, of course. I really enjoy him and I can't imagine feeling this way about someone else. I've really done a ton of dating and this is the first time I've just really been crazy over someone. 

But more than that I just feel like I need to be close to and open with someone and feel safe with them. I feel like I've been holding my breath forever and I was finally going to be able to breathe. 

Once he's gone, I think maybe I need to change course and maybe learn how to not want a partner of some sort. Learn how to really be a functional single person, not just a person who's holding their breath waiting for their other half to come along.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Aw, Im so sorry, that sucks! It SO HARD to find someone that you really click with who reciprocates! I am waiting for my other half too, been divorced for three damn years now, getting impatient. Do take some time for yourself once he leaves before you venture back into the dating world.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

grays said:


> I've been single for about a year and a half after a 25 year marriage and dated tons of people, had a great time, but really kinda got to the end of my rope. Feel like I would trade all of the fun of being free and single in for some sweetness and cuddling. And I just finally found it. First met him about two months ago, but it was only about a week ago that I really embraced it. And then he was away during my kid free days this week, so I haven't seen him. And today he found out that he has orders to go to Hawaii in two weeks.
> 
> I'm so sad to lose him, in particular, of course. I really enjoy him and I can't imagine feeling this way about someone else. I've really done a ton of dating and this is the first time I've just really been crazy over someone.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a great reason to move to Hawaii... :wink2:


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## grays (Jun 24, 2014)

Thanks you guys.

3x, I think you're right about taking a little time. Before this guy I was growing a little weary. But I gotta say for the most part I was having the time of my life and meeting a lot of people I really value. But right now the thought of going out with someone else has no excitement at all in it. 

I am kind of grateful for having had him for a minute. It's painful. I've been feeling really down and lonely the last 24 hours. (Doesn't help that he's having an important and serious drama going on with his 17 year old son that deserves and is getting all of his attention right now.) But I feel like I've clicked with him in a way I never have with anyone else. 

I think having this feeling with him now may save me from settling in the future. I dance, and when I'm learning something new, it helps to do it several times to get a "body memory" of it and I think after him I'm going to have something like a body memory for how I should feel in a relationship.

As for Hawaii. If only! I would love that. But, besides that fact that we've only been together for a couple of months... I've got a 7 yr old and a 12 year old who live here and I share custody with their dad. I have been thinking about some kind of a long distance thing. I'm really not sure if that would be good for me. The idea makes me feel a lot better right now, but I am just not the kind of person who should be alone a lot. But if he was interested, I would at least consider it.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

What you are feeling is not unusual for someone in your situation. I think you answered your own question about what you should do though - take some time to learn to love your self and be comfortable with your self. The Law of Attraction is at work all the time in the universe. If you are desperate you will attract desperate people into your life. If you are broken, you will attract broken people. Work to become the person you want to be and you will attract the people you want into your life.


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