# I need advice



## urbansaint (Dec 9, 2012)

Hi all,

I just had a big fight with my wife today and it was really hurtful to me. This morning we still good together. We even went shopping and talked about what to cook for the week to come. Right when we back home she said she's tired and wanna get some sleep. So I did all the house chores and start preparing the dishes for dinner. And she woke up and ate the dim sum we bought earlier at the market. As I was busy frying the fish I saw her eating the dim sum and I thought to myself that I wanted to eat it too. Right after I've done my kitchen work, I realized all the dim sums are gone. I was so upset thinking that she didn't kept some for me....then all the big fights..
She claims that she didn't know I wanted to eat but thing is, she had a habit of finish up the dish which she loves entirely. And that really angers me. Say she loves to eat oysters, she will just finish it all up without keeping some for me. Point is, I don't mind she finish it all up, but it seems to me that ..I;m not important to her. Or she doesn't love me at all...or she never thought about me when she had a nice thing to herself ...I felt lost here...I have a trust issue with her....I think that she is selfish all the way but she kept denying it and always make a big fight out of it...I mean, I always the one who took a step backward during the fight but she kept bashing at me non stop...Also I talked to her many times about controlling ourselves during any fights arises..but she always wanted to win....How should I deal with this?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Have you talked about MC? A therapist can help you learn to communicate better.

When I hear things like, "she ate all the dim sum, therefore she never loved me." It just screams emotion stuffing( a topic I am expert at). Is it selfish? Yes. Thoughtless? Yes. But those are simple things to discuss and resolve if you both communicate well. When emotions are stuffed, resentments build and little things like this become major fights. They can also be proxy fights for dealing with some larger underlying resentment.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you talk to her do you tell about this kind of thing do you tell her that you think she is selfish? Do you tell you that you think she does not love you?


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Teach her a hard lesson .. EAT them first !!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here's an idea. When you buy a treat like that divide it into two portions as soon as you get home. PUt it in two bowls and label one with your name and one with hers. 

Now hide your bowl.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

You guys have to communicate now. I screwed up by internalising everything and letting my depression destroy my marriage.

Get talking. if talking always leads to fights, try to get it to neutral territory with a mediator.

Additionally, i guess you posted in this subforum due to one or both of you having other 'issues'. You certainly seem to have some underlying issue from your post. I can only advise get whatever professional help you can and do it while you have a relationship to save not when it's too late.

If I had one wish it would be to go back in time and start my own treatment before my marriage failed.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

K.C. said:


> You guys have to communicate now. I screwed up by internalising everything and letting my depression destroy my marriage.
> 
> Get talking. if talking always leads to fights, try to get it to neutral territory with a mediator.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Good post KC

I was just being funny in my earlier post when I said...... "Teach her a hard lesson .. EAT them first !!!! "......I should have been more serious.

KC is correct there is an underlying problem here that needs to be worked on. The fights over who eats what, is just a symptom of that problem.


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## lowesick (Dec 14, 2012)

this is clearly wrong on her part.. and she must realize it!!


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