# grieving



## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

I am not having a good day. My husband has been gone for over 4 weeks and I have not seen or heard from him. Today I have been crying most of the time. I am so scared and lonely that it hurts. Last Wednesday I went to the lawyer's and I am filing for divorce. We have been married for 26 years. The pain is almost unbearable. I don't know where he is living and don't have a phone number for him. All I know is where he is working. When he left he said he did not love me anymore and and packed up his belongings while I was a work, what a sneak! Two weeks prior to that he said he lost his wedding ring and also had no new cell phone # to give me. When he was telling me that he was leaving he would not even look at me. Does anyone think this sounds like he is seeing someone? He also promised me he would come back the next day and we would talk. He never came! I am paying all the bills and he is doing who knows what. He also said he has been trying to get a feeling back for 4 years and can't. I asked him why he didn't come and talk to me and he said this is something he had to do himself. Mind you, a few months before that he bought me a new wedding ring. And over the summer he bought me all new furniture and redid the hardwood floors along with painting. We did all the work ourselves, me working right by his side. Why all this and then he leaves? Please, I need somesone to explain this to me. He also told somesone about 6 months that he would be with me the rest of hs life. This person told me later by saying your husband loves you so much. Do you see why I am confused. I had no idea this was coming. This is worse than a death. I am in counseling but have anziety and panic attacks. I also am not sleeping well, but the tranqulizers do help. I need lots of support now so please respond. Thanks to all of you. Merry Christmas


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

im sorry for the way you are feeling and yes you are very much in the grieving process.
im afraid he is the only one that has the answers to your questions.
these are only suggestions but try and keep busy.
all the emotions that you are feeling are totally normal.
you wil go from love to hate and back again . you wil be lonely and then you wil be independent and feel good about yourself and then be lonely again.
this is normal to.
it feels worse than a death, because you dont and are not having answers. with a death its final because you would find out the cause of the death.
i suggest you keep with the counselling because you need to talk and you need that support. 
with regards to not sleeping - i suggest a trip to your doctor to ensure the correct dose of medication. 
depression is not uncommon in what your going through and most of us experience it at some point.
just keeping on talking and be busy. you can do it .


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## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear Justean, Thank you for responding to me yesterday. I was really hurting and upset and you were the only one that replied to me. This is so new and fresh for me and I am so all alone with no family members living here except my grown kids who I can't talk too much with them because it is their dad. I really need some feedback from other members who where going through this and it was only you who responded. I thought I would get a little more support from this forum because I am in crisis right now so I am thinking of going to a different forum for support, but thank you Justean for your words, you are truly an angel.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Whitesboro said:


> Mind you, a few months before that he bought me a new wedding ring. And over the summer he bought me all new furniture and redid the hardwood floors along with painting. We did all the work ourselves, me working right by his side. Why all this and then he leaves? Please, I need somesone to explain this to me.


First off I am so sorry your post went so long unsupported. Sometimes they slip through the cracks and fall off the radar. Justean, thank you for resurrecting this. I believe your husband gave you the wedding ring because as that point he was truly wrestling with his feelings and commitment to the marriage. The furniture, flooring and painting could have been the same thing or it could have been he was tying up loose ends before he left. Wanted to leave you with some projects and needs taken care of. If your husband has not contacted you in 4 weeks and has left you holding the bag on the bills and chores he has left the marriage and in my mind is not much of a man. He has shirked his moral and legal responsibilities here. He is not contemplating reconciliation, his feelings or obligations. He has walked out on you. I am so sorry. I believe your best course of action is to see a shark and file for divorce. (To any attorneys out there, I use that term in a positive way. Aggressive lawyer who will fight tooth and nail for their client.)  Since you don’t know where to reach him have him served at his place of employment. Disconnect from him and recognized he is the one at fault here. The reasons he left are not as important as the manner in which he did. He left you high and dry and there must be atonement. Morally, spiritually and financially. While having this happen after so many years of marriage must be devastating, it will get better. Hang on to yourself. Go to your children for emotional support. Talk with a close friend and come here for advice and help. It will get easier but your in the thick of it now.


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## now_what (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi! How are you today? You can be honest. I did send you a PM a while ago, but didn't know if you read it or wanted to reply to me. Our situations are pretty much similar - I thought we could offer support to each other. Keep in touch if you would like.


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