# Are 5th grade graduations even a thing?



## neganagatime

My daughter is wrapping up 5th grade, and my ex-wife sent me a text suggesting getting her a cell phone for a graduation present. We had previously discussed getting it for her for her 11th b-day this summer so she’d have a phone when starting Jr High. To be honest, I hadn’t even considered advancing from elementary school to Jr. High to be a “graduation” per se and therefore probably would not have gotten her anything special myself, certainly not a cell phone. My ex has fairly recently gotten engaged to a wealthy guy whom she moved in with last summer, and now she is spending money like it grows on trees (i.e. lululemon and other spendy clothing for a 10 year old, etc.). Appreciate any thoughts on this … part of me wants to push back but in the back of my head I think that is the petty part of me that wants to continue to assert some say in these matters. That said, I also don’t want to set a precedent that expensive gifts are going to be the norm for these sorts of occasions, nor try to "keep up with the Joneses", but she is getting a phone in the next 6 months either way.


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## Tortdog

Tell her that you boycott any "graduation" that is not at least High School. These "graduations" are getting to be absurd.

Or be passive aggressive. Ask her who the valedictorian is and whether your daughter is cum laude.


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## 225985

If you buy the cellphone, who is going to pay the monthly service charges?

Your wife can buy what she wants, you buy what you want. There is no need for her to give you suggestions.


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## neganagatime

blueinbr said:


> If you buy the cellphone, who is going to pay the monthly service charges?
> 
> Your wife can buy what she wants, you buy what you want. There is no need for her to give you suggestions.


We had agreed that she would get a cell phone at 11 so she would have one in Jr. High, and split the cost as we do for sports, activities, etc. I guess I just didn't realize or know if people actually treat 5th grade as a graduation that gifts are given for, and if so, if a cell phone is an inappropriately expensive gift.


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## Maricha75

Is it a thing? Sort of. The kids get recognition at school for completing elementary and moving on to middle school, but no caps and gowns or anything. And buying a gift for it? Ummm no. Not the norm in my experience. Take her to a nice dinner to celebrate and keep the plan for the cell for her birthday.


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## sscygni

To answer your question - yes, they are a "thing" these days. Our fifth grader is having a "promotion" ceremony on the last day of school. I think its cute, and the kids are looking forward to it. Now, does that mean that she needs the 5th grade equivalent of a new car to celebrate? Of course not. We will take our daughter to dinner, perhaps buy her a rose to sit by her spot on the table for a few days.

On a related note, we do plan to buy her a cell phone soon, but that is driven more by communication. My wife and her ex do not communicate effectively at all, and it is very difficult to have contact with the girls when they are with their dad (50/50 physical custody) because all contact filters through his cell phone. Having a means to directly interact with the kids could be a help in situations like that. How is communication between you and your ex? Do the kids feel empowered to talk to the non-custodial parent when they want/need to?


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## nice777guy

Is she at least moving on to a different school? From "grade school" to "middle school"? 

Does she NEED a phone?


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## neganagatime

sscygni said:


> To answer your question - yes, they are a "thing" these days. Our fifth grader is having a "promotion" ceremony on the last day of school. I think its cute, and the kids are looking forward to it. Now, does that mean that she needs the 5th grade equivalent of a new car to celebrate? Of course not. We will take our daughter to dinner, perhaps buy her a rose to sit by her spot on the table for a few days.
> 
> On a related note, we do plan to buy her a cell phone soon, but that is driven more by communication. My wife and her ex do not communicate effectively at all, and it is very difficult to have contact with the girls when they are with their dad (50/50 physical custody) because all contact filters through his cell phone. Having a means to directly interact with the kids could be a help in situations like that. How is communication between you and your ex? Do the kids feel empowered to talk to the non-custodial parent when they want/need to?


It's a similar situation, I have 50/50 custody as well and I avoid my ex as much as possible as I feel she has done things that are not in the best interest of the kids (like moving in with a guy she only knew for 9 months and them having to change schools as a result and live with his daughter who they dislike). We both agree that a cell is happening this summer, but I'd rather it be a b-day gift than a gift for a "graduation" that is less about graduating than about moving to the next phase of her education. 

Thanks for the reply.


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## soccermom2three

They've always been a thing where I live. I had a 6th grade graduation, jr. high graduation/promotion and high school graduation. I'm 51 years old. I'm surprised that this isn't a thing other places. 

We didn't do big graduation gifts for our older two kids when they graduated from elementary school. I think I got my daughter flowers.


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## jb02157

One thing I'll never understand is why the hell parents insist on giving cell phones to their kids. Cell phones are really nothing more than unnecessary long term financial commitments. I think it would be more valuable to teach your children why cells phones are a very bad idea and the cause of probably the worst addicton of our time. Kids this age don't understand nor appreciate technology at this level and should not be handed a damn cell phone just because their friends have them. This just teaches kids entitlement and that's as bad for them as it is for the parents. My kids never got a cell phone until they were in college and they were paying for it on their own.


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## EllisRedding

I graduated elementary in 6th, jr high school in 8th, and high school in 12th. The only one that people celebrated at that time was graduating high school. I honestly don't see a reason to do it otherwise. Unfortunately these days it seems "important" to celebrate every little event, and shower kids with presents non stop so they feel special. 

I personally am holding off giving a cell phone to my oldest son as long as possible. Somehow I managed to grow up safe and sound without one ...


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## soccermom2three

Haha, even if my kids weirdly didn't want a cellphone, I would make them carry one. I love them.


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## jb02157

EllisRedding said:


> I personally am holding off giving a cell phone to my oldest son as long as possible. Somehow I managed to grow up safe and sound without one ...


Kids these days need more parents like you. We all grew up just fine WITHOUT cell phones. There's no reason we need them now.


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## EllisRedding

jb02157 said:


> Kids these days need more parents like you. We all grew up just fine WITHOUT cell phones. There's no reason we need them now.


I will get them a beeper if they really want something lol :grin2:


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## VermisciousKnid

My kids got tracphones when they started having school activities of indeterminate length like athletic events and after school clubs. Then they could call 15 minutes before they needed the pickup. Beats sitting in the car for an hour waiting for them to appear. 

And yes, they had promotion ceremonies which were a bit over the top in my opinion. Awards for attendance, for reading a book a week, for this, for that... Every kid got multiple awards just for being present. Stupid. 

I guess it's an attempt to get parents involved in school more. It's the wrong involvement, though. I was always more interested in going to see the product of their work.


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## Anon Pink

These graduation events get on my nerves so damn much! My youngest daughter did not do a graduation and instead they called it a farewell ceremony because they were all attending a different school the following year. It was adorable and even brought me to tears as they all sang "I will remember you" and showed pictures of the kids from kindergarten onward. 

No, there is no gift because a child passes 5th grade. 

You should buy your daughter the cell phone for her birthday as you intended to do.


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## Maricha75

Ours doesn't do the whole "give an award just for taking part". If a child has perfect attendance, or missed only one day all year, that child gets recognition. I agree with that because far too many kids miss too many days. My 4th grader has excelled in reading this year. They have a points program they follow. The teacher gave the incentive that the first one to get to a certain point will receive a book she will purchase on their class trip. If the student got 100 points in addition to this, another book will be purchased. My daughter has surpassed BOTH of these points goals. HELL YES I think her efforts should be recognized. She pulled ahead of the rest of the class early on... and ran out if allowed books from the school library! She is now reading books approved in a joint effort between her teacher and myself. 

Some kids will get multiple awards, this is true. But at this school, those who are not excelling are not getting awards.


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## john117

Both my daughters got cellphones on their graduation from elementary...


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## Tortdog

I don't see why parents stand for the rabbit-like explosion of "graduations". The only thing mildly redeeming to a wannabe graduation like 6th grade would be the small size of the class. At least you can be in and out of there quick.

University graduations ... egads ... they don't even give you the real diploma and the paid speaker is only collecting some fees that you paid through your tuition while you have ... er ... get to listen.


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## dash74

Eye roll when my oldest son had his sixth-grade grade graduation we had to go because they rolled the award ceremony in to it, they have gotten wize boo. He will be a Sr next year 

For his six grade graduation he got a brand new pat on the back


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## Marische

:surprise: You should buy her a cellphone...


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## happy2gether

we gave my older daughter an old cell phone when she went to 6th grade. not as a 5th grade grad present, but because at her school 6th grade can play JV sports and she was on the softball team. just felt safer knowing we could reach her or she call us if need be. I did upgrade her to an iphone 6 a couple months ago, but she earned it by keeping up her chores and her grades while doing every school related sport she could.


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## arbitrator

neganagatime said:


> My daughter is wrapping up 5th grade, and my ex-wife sent me a text suggesting getting her a cell phone for a graduation present. We had previously discussed getting it for her for her 11th b-day this summer so she’d have a phone when starting Jr High. To be honest, I hadn’t even considered advancing from elementary school to Jr. High to be a “graduation” per se and therefore probably would not have gotten her anything special myself, certainly not a cell phone. * My ex has fairly recently gotten engaged to a wealthy guy whom she moved in with last summer, and now she is spending money like it grows on trees * (i.e. lululemon and other spendy clothing for a 10 year old, etc.). Appreciate any thoughts on this … part of me wants to push back but in the back of my head I think that is the petty part of me that wants to continue to assert some say in these matters. That said, I also don’t want to set a precedent that expensive gifts are going to be the norm for these sorts of occasions, nor try to "keep up with the Joneses", but she is getting a phone in the next 6 months either way.


*For a 5th grade grad, I'd have to say that it would be most apropos  for "Daddy Warbucks" to foot the invoice for the new smartphone gift along with its accompanying monthly invoice!

 Ces pas? *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NobodySpecial

jb02157 said:


> One thing I'll never understand is why the hell parents insist on giving cell phones to their kids. Cell phones are really nothing more than unnecessary long term financial commitments. I think it would be more valuable to teach your children why cells phones are a very bad idea and the cause of probably the worst addicton of our time.


Why are they a very bad idea? Addiction? Jeez given a choice between having their phone with them and hanging out with their friends, their friends win every time. I gave my kids cell phones for MY convenience. When either of them goes to the store to do the shopping, they can call me if they cannot find an item on the list to find out a decent substitution. When DS tries to find a ride home from track with one of his friends, he can let me know if he is successful or if I have to come get him. 



> Kids this age don't understand nor appreciate technology at this level and should not be handed a damn cell phone just because their friends have them.


Kids "this age" or any other age are as responsible and appreciative as their parents teach them.


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## NobodySpecial

neganagatime said:


> My daughter is wrapping up 5th grade, and my ex-wife sent me a text suggesting getting her a cell phone for a graduation present. We had previously discussed getting it for her for her 11th b-day this summer so she’d have a phone when starting Jr High. To be honest, I hadn’t even considered advancing from elementary school to Jr. High to be a “graduation” per se and therefore probably would not have gotten her anything special myself, certainly not a cell phone. My ex has fairly recently gotten engaged to a wealthy guy whom she moved in with last summer, and now she is spending money like it grows on trees (i.e. lululemon and other spendy clothing for a 10 year old, etc.). Appreciate any thoughts on this … part of me wants to push back but in the back of my head I think that is the petty part of me that wants to continue to assert some say in these matters. That said, I also don’t want to set a precedent that expensive gifts are going to be the norm for these sorts of occasions, nor try to "keep up with the Joneses", but she is getting a phone in the next 6 months either way.


Getting a phone if she needs a phone is fine. But attaching it as a graduation "gift" removes it from the land of utility into the land of a privilege with mostly toy/pleasure value. I would not do it. I would bake a cake. That is just me.


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## unbelievable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yvmntxiQNY

6th grade graduation is a thing. It was for Jethro, anyway.


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## Kraquin

Agree to the phone but get a Jitterbug. If she wants one with all the bells and whistles (= data rates = >$$$) then turn it into a teaching opportunity and pay her for chores so she can pay for the phone.


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## Shiksa

I love my kid's phone leash. Yep, it's for my convenience. They are busy with activities, and I like to know if the schedule changes. For those that say they did fine growing up without a cell phone, so would my kids need one mentality: have you tried to find a pay phone recently? They are far and few between.


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## EnjoliWoman

Ug it's unfortunately a normal thing here - 5th grade graduations. Heck, kindergarten graduations have caps and gowns! Thankfully my kiddo was in a private kindergarten and it wasn't an issue.

At 5th grade ceremonies, parents stood up and screamed and applauded - really? It's a big deal to make it that far where you come from? I didn't get my daughter anything. She got to dress up and walk in with her peers and have her name called, cross the stage and shake hands with the principal. Maybe I cooked her favorite meal or we went out to eat - I don't recall. But there were parents there with flowers - I don't know what other types of gifts might have been given.

Same thing from middle to high school. Not a fan there, either. Even more parents screaming and applauding (even with the principal asking parents to hold applause. I did the same as with the elementary ceremony - watched, applauded at the appropriate time and then took her home or maybe we ate out.

I remember when graduation ceremonies were reverent. No one screamed "Go Joey!!!" or whatever... now there's stomping and clapping, hooting and hollering... very disruptive and disrespectful because you can never hear the name they call after "Joey". Highschool will be a big deal with gifts, etc. but nothing before that.


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## VermisciousKnid

EnjoliWoman said:


> At 5th grade ceremonies, parents stood up and screamed and applauded - really?* It's a big deal to make it that far where you come from? * I didn't get my daughter anything. She got to dress up and walk in with her peers and have her name called, cross the stage and shake hands with the principal. Maybe I cooked her favorite meal or we went out to eat - I don't recall. But there were parents there with flowers - I don't know what other types of gifts might have been given.
> 
> Same thing from middle to high school. Not a fan there, either. Even more parents screaming and applauding (even with the principal asking parents to hold applause. I did the same as with the elementary ceremony - watched, applauded at the appropriate time and then took her home or maybe we ate out.
> 
> I remember when graduation ceremonies were reverent. No one screamed "Go Joey!!!" or whatever... now there's stomping and clapping, hooting and hollering... very disruptive and disrespectful because you can never hear the name they call after "Joey". Highschool will be a big deal with gifts, etc. but nothing before that.


The curse of low expectations! What kid wouldn't think to themselves, "I can get treated like a conquering hero just by passing with the bare minimum of effort. Why should I work hard?" Then they expect the same in college and in their working life. 

My father was a college professor who in the years just before he retired frequently bemoaned the declining abilities and increasingly entitled attitudes of his students. I think he was teaching more and more students of whom very little was expected in their prior educations. 

There are cultural differences with respect to celebrations and ceremonies, though. Look at churches for example. Some are somber. Some are ebullient. But when it comes to public school graduation who really sets the rules?


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## EnjoliWoman

As to cell phone, sounds like the OP doesn't have much choice. Such is the struggle with single parenting. I didn't want my daughter to have a cell phone yet but he got her one at age 10 and told her to hide it from me. This was so he could call her as much as he wanted without my knowing it as part of his alienation tactics. I sent it back to him and said she was welcome to use it to talk to her friends when at his house but she would not be allowed to use it at my house. 

I felt that 12 was a much better age - that's when she would be at home alone, walk places alone, get rides from gymnastics, etc.


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## NobodySpecial

Tortdog said:


> I don't see why parents stand for the rabbit-like explosion of "graduations". The only thing mildly redeeming to a wannabe graduation like 6th grade would be the small size of the class. At least you can be in and out of there quick.
> 
> University graduations ... egads ... they don't even give you the real diploma and the paid speaker is only collecting some fees that you paid through your tuition while you have ... er ... get to listen.


We did not have a 5th grade graduation. But we did have a middle school one. I don't remember if it was guidance or the school secretary that made the single longest most boring video of the students. And the talking droning went on FOREVER. You would think the kids were moving to the moon rather than down the hall. It will be almost all I can do to go to my second child's when it arrives. 

The kids did not care. They were hanging out, ignoring most of it. They aren't dumb.


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## ILoveSparkles

neganagatime said:


> My daughter is wrapping up 5th grade, and my ex-wife sent me a text suggesting getting her a cell phone for a graduation present. We had previously discussed getting it for her for her 11th b-day this summer so she’d have a phone when starting Jr High. To be honest, I hadn’t even considered advancing from elementary school to Jr. High to be a “graduation” per se and therefore probably would not have gotten her anything special myself, certainly not a cell phone. My ex has fairly recently gotten engaged to a wealthy guy whom she moved in with last summer, and now she is spending money like it grows on trees (i.e. lululemon and other spendy clothing for a 10 year old, etc.). Appreciate any thoughts on this … part of me wants to push back but in the back of my head I think that is the petty part of me that wants to continue to assert some say in these matters. That said, I also don’t want to set a precedent that expensive gifts are going to be the norm for these sorts of occasions, nor try to "keep up with the Joneses", but she is getting a phone in the next 6 months either way.


I think all these "graduations" are crazy. Kindergartners with caps and gowns - seriously??? IMO graduations are for graduating high school and college. Why does there need to be a big to-do about a kid going from 5th to 6th grade?

I'm also one of those parents that believe in keeping score at games - unlike many parents these days. Kids need to learn how to win and lose graciously. 

Okay, I'm done ranting. :wink2:


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## soccermom2three

Yes said:


> I'm also one of those parents that believe in keeping score at games - unlike many parents these days. Kids need to learn how to win and lose graciously.
> 
> Okay, I'm done ranting. :wink2:


What's funny about parents not keeping score is that the kid's do it anyway. Even at 5, my kids knew the score at the end of the game.

We have 8th grade promotion here but the kids are leaving our area school district to attend high school in another district, (we don't have a high school). I guess the feeling is that the kids spent 9 years getting an education in our district and we want to celebrate that.


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