# Fighting for my marriage



## leya78 (Jun 1, 2009)

Hi everyone. I just found this message board today. I read a couple of post and everyone seems so helpful. This is my first post and any advise you may have for me would be greatly appreciated. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, we have been together for 9 and have known eachother for 14. I met him in high school but we were not high school sweet hearts. So here is the problem. My parents fell on hard times and came to live with us in Sep 07. It took my father awhile to get a job but in Feb/Mar he did. My mother did not work because she stayed home to watch my niece. My sister and her husband live in the area as well. In May 08 my husband left. He said he felt I put my family before him and he felt like an out cast in his home. Before that we had problems. Communication, finances, the way we treated eachother and the way we spoke to eachother was just not right. When he left I did not ask him to come back. I actually thought the separation was a good thing because I felt we needed space and time to figure out how to get our marriage on track. We both said we didn't want a divorce and that we did want to be together we just had to work our problems out. He also said he would not come back until my family was out of my place. So after he left I told my folks that they had 3 months. Well 3 months turned into 9 months. They are finally gone and now my husband says he wants a divorce (this was back in April). I didn't see it coming although an outsider might have. I asked him if we could go to marriage counseling and he said no it wouldn't help. A couple days after that I spoke with him and put all my feelings out there and told him I feel he needs to fight for our marriage because we haven't we have just been sitting in limbo. He says he loves me so much which I know he does but he says he's not in love with me anymore. Which I can understand but I also know throughout a relationship you fall in and out of love but the key is for both of you to not fall out of love at the same time. So in May I asked him if he would at least try and he said yes. Well I didn't feel like he was trying so Saturday I asked him if he feels he has been trying and he said no. I asked him why and he said because he is not in love. He says he is fighting for the marriage but in a different way then I am. He says I have his heart and that he loves me so much and doesn't feel that another woman could make him feel the way I do/did. I guess that's why I'm just in a state of shock because I know he has strong feeling for me. I asked him if we could go to marriage counseling on Saturday and he said yes. We have not been intimate throughout this whole time. He said he didn't want to complicate things. I'm sure some of you reading might feel there is someone else involved but there is not. And if there is then I honestly don't know about it. So Saturday we talked about having sex and he said that he wasn't sure how it would be. I said well let's find out and he said that he is scared of me. Which he has said before. Well we ended up being intimate and for me it didn't complicate anything. But he say's he is wondering if it was a good idea. So I don't know if maybe it inighted some feelings in him or not. Either way I called to get scheduled for marriage counseling but had to leave a message since I got the answering machine. Please provide your honest opinions. Do you feel there is hope for us?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

I keep saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is just a front for there is someone else. Maybe not physically, yet, but emotionally and then physically eventually.

I love you but I'm not in love with you is a load of crap...

Hope for you, not if he isn't willing to try...sounds like he is already suffering from TGIGS...

Hate to say it but you would probably save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache if you made you exit plan and go...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Personally I think there is someone else. I dont know if it'll work out for you two, but if he's willing to go to marriage counseling then just take it one day at a time and keep trying.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What the hell were the two of you doing for the last year while separated?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

I disagree with Preacher in that I lover you but am not in love with you equates to a lover. I said that to my H and there definetely was no one else. I had just fallen out of love, and circumstances had HEAPS to do with it.

I think that your family not making more of an effort to get on their feet was un fair and would have impacted on the relationship. We moved out of town for work for new jobs and thought it would repair things but then he got really sick... what I am saying is that I know first hand that circumstances can ruin a union.

To repair this thing takes him wanting to. You need to talk to him about when you were happy, and that both of you need to be prepared to work on it.

It is up to him inthat regard but sell it to him. If he doesn't budge then it makes it hard...


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## toomanytears (Apr 15, 2009)

My husband did the I love you, care deeply for you but not in love routine too. He answered "absolutely not" when I point blank asked him if there was someone else. It was a flat out lie....he had been having an affair for several months behind my back. He has someone else in my opinion.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear that.

I met an older man through work recently and we were both talking about failed relationships, me mine, and his, well-his. He is still married but he confessed he had an affair year ago, before he wasmarried to his wofe but throught out the whole marriage she has never trusted him and it has made the marriage very un happy. You can work through it if you want to but you need to be prepared to completely forgive him and let go of the indiscression. Now, I don't think I could do that but many have.

You need to ask youself:
1. Can I actualy do that?
2. Would he sincerely be moving on from the affair for the sake of your love?

It is a hard one... but after speaking to that man, neither of you want to stay in the marriage if the affair will overshadow your life for ever... he was a very sad man. And she, obviously, is a very unhapy lady.

Just a perspective.

S


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