# surprise threesome



## giver (Sep 26, 2013)

Last night my husband had a friend spending the night on our couch. His wife recently left him and he needed someone to talk to. I put our kids to bed and then went to bed myself. When my husband finally came to bed he immediately woke me by kissing me and taking off my clothes. I was exhausted and really wasn't into it but I went along with it any how. Then all of a sudden his friend walks into our room. I scrambled to cover myself thinking maybe he needed my husband and didn't knock for fear of waking me. My husband however didn't stop, I had to push him off of me while his friend proceeded to take his shirt off and come over to the bed. My husband kept saying "it's okay, just go with it". I was shocked and humiliated. Even after seeing my reaction my husband kept trying to push me into it and his friend tried to put a guilt trip saying "i really can't handle any more rejection right now". I held my ground and said NO! because I knew that if I went along with it to make my husband happy then I would hate myself. I know my husband is impulsive and likes to spice things up, but i feel that my husband thinks of me as cheap, like he can just loan me out to his friends. I just don't know where to go from here.


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

You were raped emotionally. Plain and simple. Your piece of sh!t husband and his scumbag friend emotionally raped you. 

This was a violation of your body, your soul and your marriage. 

Your husband is filth.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WOW, after reading that I feel like punching your husband in the face!

and I don't even know you or him. just disgusting.

WOW that really bothered me


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

giver said:


> Last night my husband had a friend spending the night on our couch. His wife recently left him and he needed someone to talk to. I put our kids to bed and then went to bed myself. When my husband finally came to bed he immediately woke me by kissing me and taking off my clothes. I was exhausted and really wasn't into it but I went along with it any how. Then all of a sudden his friend walks into our room. I scrambled to cover myself thinking maybe he needed my husband and didn't knock for fear of waking me. My husband however didn't stop, I had to push him off of me while his friend proceeded to take his shirt off and come over to the bed. My husband kept saying "it's okay, just go with it". I was shocked and humiliated. Even after seeing my reaction my husband kept trying to push me into it and his friend tried to put a guilt trip saying "i really can't handle any more rejection right now". I held my ground and said NO! because I knew that if I went along with it to make my husband happy then I would hate myself. I know my husband is impulsive and likes to spice things up, but i feel that my husband thinks of me as cheap, like he can just loan me out to his friends. I just don't know where to go from here.


I think your done.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wow. Sounds like your husband has a lot of respect for you.


----------



## thrall (Sep 26, 2013)

Well, if what happened was real, than that sucks for you. You should have drew blood from both of them and left with the kids, filed for divorce, and made sure both of the idiots paid. 

But this does sound like something that I could watch on HBO late at night...or is it Cinemax? :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> This kind of thing does happen...but this one sounds like a troll to me.


How the hell could you tell? :scratchhead:

These things do happen


----------



## Knobbers (Sep 25, 2013)

Ugh!

I'm as sexually liberal as anyone I know, but this is just wrong. What your husband did was stupid and very risky to your marriage. What would have happened if you went along with it and your hubby realized this morning that it was a mistake? My guess is that it would have been all your fault and you would have been brow beaten for months or years.

Ignoring all that, he risked your physical and mental health, along with your trust. At the very least, you guys should have discussed this scenario for months over breakfast before he ever attempted it. Even if its been fantasized about verbally during sex, that still doesn't give him the right to spring this on you. My wife and I always say that pillow talk doesn't carry any weight outside the bedroom. No matter what fantasies we have or discuss while sexually charged, if we can't discuss it sober and in non sexually charged environments then its a no go.

I've never been in a threesome or have swapped partners, but even I know that's the rule of most people who do live their life that way. What your hubby did was very wrong and I'm very sorry you had to go though it. Great job holding your ground! Who knows where you would be today if you didn't.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

I swear I will never understand women lol
Oh nevermind me, carry on


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

giver said:


> Last night my husband had a friend spending the night on our couch. His wife recently left him and he needed someone to talk to. I put our kids to bed and then went to bed myself. When my husband finally came to bed he immediately woke me by kissing me and taking off my clothes. I was exhausted and really wasn't into it but I went along with it any how. Then all of a sudden his friend walks into our room. I scrambled to cover myself thinking maybe he needed my husband and didn't knock for fear of waking me. My husband however didn't stop, I had to push him off of me while his friend proceeded to take his shirt off and come over to the bed. My husband kept saying "it's okay, just go with it". I was shocked and humiliated. Even after seeing my reaction my husband kept trying to push me into it and his friend tried to put a guilt trip saying "i really can't handle any more rejection right now". I held my ground and said NO! because I knew that if I went along with it to make my husband happy then I would hate myself. I know my husband is impulsive and likes to spice things up, but i feel that my husband thinks of me as cheap, like he can just loan me out to his friends. I just don't know where to go from here.



All I can say is wow, what an ass your hubby was, to emotionally rape you and treat you like a sex object for his friend, 3 some.

First of all, you are married to him and he to you. That means no adultery or 3 somes. Your hubby doesn't respect what marriage is all about or you.

He should of discussed his fantasies with you first, some are okay and some are never. Boundaries.

Your hubby is to take care of your needs and not only his own and try to force you into this 3 some situation.

I would have a chat with your hubby and tell him, if he ever does that again, he is so divorced!!!

If you can, move out for a while and stay with a friend, gf, family, co - worker until you can work this out.

I still can't believe your hubby tried to force you into a 3 some with his friend, no discussion beforehand, and emotionally raped you and cross the line, jumped over the line, he needs help!!!


----------



## giver (Sep 26, 2013)

wow i came here for some help and got called a troll. nice. The problem is we have two kids together so I hate the idea of divorce. I just want to get through to him. I'm not trying to make excuses for my husband, however he does a lot of things without thinking them through. He has always been the one to push me into uncomfortable situations because I am a very shy person. He thinks that if I opened myself up more that I would actually have fun. But that's just not who I am. I hate feeling like just being me isn't good enough. We had a fight before we were married because he had showed some private pictures of me to a bunch of his friends and then told me about it like it was okay. guess i should have known then, but i thought I had made it clear that it wasn't okay and that I was for him to see not everyone. I just don't know how to make him understand.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sorry giver....we get a lot of trolls. Stick around and continue posting, and eventually people will stop thinking that. 

But I doubt anyone is going to agree that you should "make it work because you have a couple of kids". Sorry.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Staying for the kids? Really, then what can you do but kick him out of the bedroom and lock the doors at night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Several posts in this thread have been deleted as they violate forum rules. Any further abuse will be dealt with quickly and harshly.


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

giver said:


> he had showed some private pictures of me to a bunch of his friends and then told me about it like it was okay.


He's filth. Not that it matters much, but was he drunk when he tried the threesome thing?

Leave him, or just suck it up and continue to be treated like his property. I'm guessing that a guy like this wouldn't go to MC. Sorry to hear about your sitch.


----------



## giver (Sep 26, 2013)

I know it sounds stupid, but this is already my second marriage. I'm a stay at home mom and full time student so i couldn't afford to leave. I guess it's just really scary to think about leaving because of what a mess it would be. He honestly doesn't think like me at all. He is very open. But he was also very wrong and so was his friend for going along with it. I've just been sick all day thinking about it. I've been unable to even mention it to him although I know I have to. I'm just not sure how. He says sorry but that doesn't mean he understands.


----------



## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

So what happens next time when he slips a little something in your ****tail to 'loosen you up'. 

Cut your losses and get out. This behavior is very dangerous.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

He isn't sorry and he will do it again, or something worse.


----------



## triton1984 (Nov 20, 2009)

Tough crowd. I don't come here as often as I used to. Perhaps trolling has gotten out of hand and this is the result? Also possible people have a crisis and post once or twice, never to return because they are run off by the natives. 

OP, your husband doesn't respect you, and kids are no reason to stay married to this.


----------



## giver (Sep 26, 2013)

It's hard to read some of these responses, but I know the truth hurts. I appreciate the honesty.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sorry for calling you a troll if you really aren't...and this is a very painful story to read.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

giver said:


> I know it sounds stupid, but this is already my second marriage. I'm a stay at home mom and full time student so i couldn't afford to leave. I guess it's just really scary to think about leaving because of what a mess it would be. He honestly doesn't think like me at all. He is very open. But he was also very wrong and so was his friend for going along with it. I've just been sick all day thinking about it. I've been unable to even mention it to him although I know I have to. I'm just not sure how. He says sorry but that doesn't mean he understands.


The thing is, can you afford to stay? I'd suggest MC if you have to stay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

giver said:


> wow i came here for some help and got called a troll. nice.


When a person's first post is an unbelievable scenario, it's usually a troll. You fit the profile.



> The problem is we have two kids together so I hate the idea of divorce.


Understandable. I admire your dedication to your kids. Many don't share it.



> I just want to get through to him. I'm not trying to make excuses for my husband, however he does a lot of things without thinking them through. He has always been the one to push me into uncomfortable situations because I am a very shy person. He thinks that if I opened myself up more that I would actually have fun.


Fair enough. Let's assume that your husband did something unbelievably stupid because he thought you would be able to let go and enjoy it. So now you need to make him understand.

First, I would download some DIY separation forms and fill them out. Then, after your kids are in bed, you should have a conversation with him. You should give him some non-negotiable demands. Those demands should be that his friend is no longer welcome in your home, for any reason. That he is to never even suggest anything approaching a threesome (even in unrealistic, fantasy terms) to you again. Also, that he is sleeping on the couch until further notice. If he balks at your demands, or tries to minimize his actions and suggest that you shouldn't be upset, then hand over the papers and ask him to sign them. He can either behave honorably, or he can bunk down at the Motel 6 and send you most of his paycheck every month. His choice.

Good luck.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I am sorry for calling you a troll. No excuses. 

This is an awful situation. I can't even come up with a nice way of putting it. Your husband was complicit in another man attempting to rape you. I understand you feel as if you are trapped by being a SAHM and student, but you really have to get out of there. This isn't a whoopsie, sorry honey, won't happen again sort of thing. I just can't even begin to wrap my mind around what he did...


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Giver,

Don't be to quick to forgive here. Any emotional pain he experiences as a result of you being disrespected and disappointed is a valid consequence.

Tell him you did not realize how broken your marriage had become and suggest marriage counseling.

"If you can think so little of me that you would try to push me into something I am not ok with (without even discussing it with me), tells me that your love and respect for me are at an all time low!"


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Ah hun...this is horrible! 
Every fiber in body wants to scream " RUN" to you but i know that's not what you want to hear.

Your man has absolutely NO idea about respect or boundaries.
To do this without your prior consent is just gobsmacking!

I really do hope you're as shocked as we all are and not just hurt and humiliated because what he did was outrageous, as was sharing your intimate photos all those years ago. I suspect he shows this kind of lack of respect often and "yes" that is a big red flag.

For your relationship to have any chance he needs to learn some things. Important human things.

Do you go to church or can you get marital counselling. I wonder if he needs some big blokey counselor to help him understanding where the line in the sand is regarding acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Not sure how successful it would be.... your man sounds incredibly immature and insensitive.

I don't know how you can go to sleep in the same house as him now... I wouldn't feel safe.

I hope you find the strength to leave... even if it's just for a few weeks/months... to show him how badly he behaved and get some counselling in before you come home and can feel safe in your own bed.


----------



## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

It sounds like your husband learned about relationships from popular media and the Internet. Neither one shows much respect or regard for intimate relationships, monogamy, or boundaries between lovers. There's certainly enough pictures and 3 some videos out there to be found that someone might be led to believe that this is all "normal" and what makes a relationship exciting.

What were your husband's role models like growing up? Did his parents have a healthy marriage? Did anyone ever talk to him about the meaning of sex and intimacy in a relationship?

If you want to rebuild trust and move past this, then you may need to be the one to educate him that no matter what he's seen or heard, that _intimacy between the two of you is between the two of you, and no one else_. That sex is special and has meaning. If he is unwilling to change his perception of you and your marriage, then you may find that you have no choice but to divorce him and seek out a caring relationship with proper boundaries.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You do realize that it's quite possible that if you had gone through with it your husband would've had regrets and held it over your head? And I bet you'd let him do that, since it's clear he has all the power in this marriage. Sorry he put you in this position.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> My reading of the first post is that H stopped after OP said "NO" enough times. At least in my state, the definition of rape is very specific about what has to have happened: there has to have been sexual intercourse, i.e., penetration.
> 
> That there was no crime is no excuse for this guy's behavior. I'd be worried that he might well cross the line in the future.


Okay, I'll have to go back and read it over. Like I said, it must have touched a nerve or something and I skimmed thinking at least "attempted rape".


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

giver said:


> We had a fight before we were married because he had showed some private pictures of me to a bunch of his friends and then told me about it like it was okay. guess i should have known then, but i thought I had made it clear that it wasn't okay and that I was for him to see not everyone. I just don't know how to make him understand.


He does understand, he just doesn't want to respect your boundaries. First that, and now this. Sorry, but the only way he's going to come to respect your boundaries is to show him you're dead serious about it and READY to divorce if he continues.

You can't be forgiving in this. He needs to learn to accept you as you are, whether he can achieve that by himself or through counselling depends on him, but you have to do your part to put the foot down. That's two strikes already - three strikes and you're out. Make sure you're very clear on that.


----------



## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Yeah, and as controlling as he is, he may have decided to beat her for "allowing" it to happen. I'm really angry. I'm sorry I'm not addressing you, OP.


I am with you, myself I feel sick and very upset. If it was me , I would punch him and his friend and even call the police to report attempt of rape. I would give him enough bruises his co-workers would ask him what happened. 

Giver, sorry you are going through this but I am afraid your husband does not love you. He put his friend first before you. I wonder if they had 3 some before and he is paying him back. also i wonder if your H is gay and want to introduce his friend in you bed. this is outrage and I think a man who does such thing to his wife is more likely to not change. Please be careful he may drug you or do something else to make you sleep and will satisfied his friend.I dont see that he care about your family and feelings. I am chocked!! I want to puke. Be strong show him that he is wrong. Dont even share bed with him anymore. It is scary situation.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Giver.

I have a question please. Did your husband ever ask you about a threesome before this? I mean that has to be a shock to the system to have something like that sprung on you. I think he must have got the idea that you let him take private pictures of you and then he "assumed" that if you did that then you would be open to a threesome but still he should have discussed this with you. 

Even though you don't want to leave him, I would let him know in a very forceful manner that if he ever does that again, you will leave with the kids and that will be the end of it. He has to realize that there is a difference in having a wife and a slave. Honestly, you deserve better and I hope someday that you find it.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm sorry this happened to you. What an embarrassing situation to be put in. A gross violation of your trust by both your husband and his friend. The friend sounds like a dumbass but its a far worse thing that your husband treated you this way.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> It sounds like your husband learned about relationships from popular media and the Internet. Neither one shows much respect or regard for intimate relationships, monogamy, or boundaries between lovers. There's certainly enough pictures and 3 some videos out there to be found that someone might be led to believe that this is all "normal" and what makes a relationship exciting.


I think this^^^would best describe my thinking on this issue.
I believe that a lot of people do get their info on relationships from the wrong sources ,ie popular media and the internet.

OP,
Here's how I suggest you handle this.

1) Stop having sex with your husband, immediately . He needs to understand that your body belongs to you now , and not him because he violated your trust, and treated your body with gross disrespect, by exposing you to another man without your explicit , prior consent and also exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases.

2) Make a report to the police . You are filing a report of attempted rape by this stranger ,and your husband.

3) file for divorce NOW. your husband has a deep seated cuckold fetish and cannot be helped. You never agreed to this when you got married to him,so it's not your problem to solve.

4) Find out what your legal options are , and if possible , seek punitive damages from the other man via the courts.

I have heard of this sort of thing happening already , many times.
Please do not take this lightly, your husband and this other man tried to rape you.
This is attempted rape, and you are a victim.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

giver said:


> Last night my husband had a friend spending the night on our couch. His wife recently left him and he needed someone to talk to. I put our kids to bed and then went to bed myself. When my husband finally came to bed he immediately woke me by kissing me and taking off my clothes. I was exhausted and really wasn't into it but I went along with it any how. Then all of a sudden his friend walks into our room. I scrambled to cover myself thinking maybe he needed my husband and didn't knock for fear of waking me. My husband however didn't stop, I had to push him off of me while his friend proceeded to take his shirt off and come over to the bed. My husband kept saying "it's okay, just go with it". I was shocked and humiliated. Even after seeing my reaction my husband kept trying to push me into it and his friend tried to put a guilt trip saying "i really can't handle any more rejection right now". I held my ground and said NO! because I knew that if I went along with it to make my husband happy then I would hate myself. I know my husband is impulsive and likes to spice things up, but i feel that my husband thinks of me as cheap, like he can just loan me out to his friends. I just don't know where to go from here.





> Question: If it was the other way around, and the wife invited her female friend to join the husband in bed, should he cry "rape" and call the police??


From what the OP wrote? Yes. You may think it's just a "fun" thing that went bad. She never expected it and was awakened by her husband. The friend came in the bedroom without knocking. She covered herself quickly. That says she didn't know. The friend started taking off his clothes. Did he want to borrow a shirt? I doubt it.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Your husband doesn't sound"open " to me. He sounds like he lacks boundaries and respect. That he can't understand that what he did was wrong would frighten me a lot. You can't feel safe with a person who has no idea what appropriate behaviour looks like. 

He probably watches a lot of porn, too. 

His attitude toward you and sex is unacceptable. 

It is clear he wants to share you and if that is his fantasy it doesn't won't likely stop if he has no boundaries. Look for video cameras next. 

I am really sorry you are going through this. He is supposed to love and protect you. He is a huge disappointment. He is also a sick person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moto164 (Aug 4, 2013)

Your husband is scum and its only a matter of time until he tries something else.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This would end my marriage!

I would of left the next day and not looked back! I'm so sorry OP. This really sucks!


----------



## CondorTX19 (Jun 19, 2012)

The Husband made a huge mistake! maybe he got mixed signals or just got to talking with his friend and they got carried away with the idea of a threesome. 

If you love him and he is and has been a good father to the children just have a very frank talk with him on boundaries and that you are not all right with this type of behavior. 

The question would be is the marriage worth enough to save it and move on, similar to a spouse cheating on the other. Some can work it out others are doomed. Good luck


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Giver...I hope you're ok.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't like when folks justify these kinds of behavior toward women.


Who has justified the husband's behavior? Show me where.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PHTlump said:


> The fact that women like you will cheerlead such baseless accusations in the name of sensitivity, or women's rights, is enough to scare me for all our sakes.


I believe 2ntnuf actually has a penis =/
Just pointing that out

Or was I wrong? =O


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't like when folks justify these kinds of behavior toward women.


:iagree:

Something is morally wrong and depraved with that line of thinking IMO.

If the OP was my sister , her husband would either have been at the police station seeking protection or in the hospital recovering from his injuries.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If I came home late at night, my wife's in bed, naked, partially asleep, with another woman and said, just go with it, she would FREAK OUT and be emotionally traumatized.

You just don't do that ever, not cool.

What was this guy thinking? He wasn't thinking!!!


----------



## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Neither is absolutely correct without more information and evidence, which would justify at minimum, calling the authorities and/or an attorney. Don't you agree with that?


Can we put a fork in this rape discussion? The definition of rape varies from state to state. Older laws required forcible vaginal penetration with a sexual organ on someone other than the accused's wife. Most states, however reformed their laws to broaden the definition: nearly all recognize that a rape can occur between spouses; most are no longer gender specific at all; many include any sexual contact; and some don't require force or coercion, merely the absence of consent or the ability to provide consent. It's pointless to debate whether a rape occurred when we don't know what state giver was in and, more importantly, we have no idea what happened after she said "No." She just doesn't say. We don't know whether they then held her down and forcibly double teamed her or whether they apologized and quietly left the room or something in between. 

Whether they are criminals or just scumbags, I think everyone agrees that what went down was seriously wrong. I don't think she wants her husband locked up. She just wants advice on how to get him to stop being a thoughtless scumbag.


----------



## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

On second thought, I have no idea how you would go about talking to someone clueless enough to pull something like that, let's go back to debating rape.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ScrewedEverything said:


> On second thought, I have no idea how you would go about talking to someone clueless enough to pull something like that, let's go back to debating rape.


Or sexual assault.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

ScrewedEverything said:


> *Can we put a fork in this rape discussion? *The definition of rape varies from state to state. Older laws required forcible vaginal penetration with a sexual organ on someone other than the accused's wife. Most states, however reformed their laws to broaden the definition: nearly all recognize that a rape can occur between spouses; most are no longer gender specific at all; many include any sexual contact; and some don't require force or coercion, merely the absence of consent or the ability to provide consent. It's pointless to debate whether a rape occurred when we don't know what state giver was in and, more importantly, we have no idea what happened after she said "No." She just doesn't say. We don't know whether they then held her down and forcibly double teamed her or whether they apologized and quietly left the room or something in between.
> 
> Whether they are criminals or just scumbags, I think everyone agrees that what went down was seriously wrong. I don't think she wants her husband locked up. She just wants advice on how to get him to stop being a thoughtless scumbag.


Yes, we sure can. 

OP, go to the police and/or your attorney and get this straightened out. It's over the top since your husband did not mention that he wanted you to participate in a threesome beforehand. If you mentioned that, I might think differently. 

Do everything you can to leave this marriage safely and get what is legally yours. Don't give an ounce of care toward your husband in the divorce proceedings. Look out for yourself. Take care. I'm concerned for your safety.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Really people.

What kind of clown would try to force another man on his own wife and mother of his children ,during the most intimate ritual that occurs between married people?

Not even animals act that way.

And what type of foolish , desperate, low life , scum looser of a man would agree with his friend to go into his house under a false pretext and spring such a horrible act and call it a " surprise ", on his wife?

Epic fail.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> Really people.
> 
> What kind of clown would try to force another man on his own wife and mother of his children ,during the most intimate ritual that occurs between married people?


A jackass. Nobody has asserted otherwise.



> And what type of foolish , desperate, low life , scum looser of a man would agree with his friend to spring such a horrible act and call it a " surprise ", on his wife?


Again, a jackass. We're unanimous. What can't be agreed upon is whether we should ignore the law and try to get the OP's husband convicted of a crime which he obviously didn't commit. I say no. Many say yes.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> What can't be agreed upon is whether we should ignore the law and try to get the OP's husband convicted of a crime which he obviously didn't commit. I say no. Many say yes.


I think you're trying too hard. If a criminal offence has been committed, and if the OP reports it, the outcome is beyond the folks debating it here.

I also think the debate itself detracts from the thread.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I added emphasis on generally. I quoted the actual statute from the large and liberal state of California. Psychological coercion, in California, is not a sufficient condition for a rape charge. The duress must be physical.
> 
> I'm assuming the standard sense of rape. There are situations where psychological pressure could justify a rape charge, but they're not relevant to this discussion. For example, if a man posed as a gynecologist and insisted that intercourse was medically necessary, then he could be guilty of rape.


Psychological pressure is relevant to this discussion, because that's exactly what took place...

The OP's H and his friend didn't rape her, nor did they attempt to rape her but, IMO, they did endeavour to _coerce _her into having sex with both of them.

And with that, folks, I'm done with this thread.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

GTdad said:


> I think you're trying too hard. If a criminal offence has been committed, and if the OP reports it, the outcome is beyond the folks debating it here.


True. But I would hate to think that this thread encouraged the OP to file a frivolous police report.



> I also think the debate itself detracts from the thread.


I didn't think there was much of a debate until the accusations of rape surfaced. I count 100% of the respondents agreeing that the husband and his friend acted like jerks. 100% agree that, at a minimum, a serious butt kicking and even threats of separation/divorce are warranted.

What I hate to see if the attitude of, if your husband was mean/insensitive to you, just accuse him of rape and (at a minimum) let the authorities bully him for a bit.


----------



## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> As soon as the other guy walked into the room, it was two men trying to have sex with her at the same time.
> 
> Yep, this is a very threatening situation.


It definitely could be. Depending on the men and their demeanor. But I don't think this was one of those situations.

There was a lot giver didn't say, but the words she used didn't sound like she ever felt afraid or threatened. She felt "shocked and humiliated." That's different. Maybe it's just me but when I picture the scene, I picture her hubby and his wingman more like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in Dumb n Dumber. She said her husband "pushed" her to do it and his friend tried to "guilt her into it." That strikes me more like the way one would describe two kids trying to get mom to buy them something in the toy aisle. More doofus than menace. I think that's why her story ended after describing that she stood her ground and said "No." I just picture Dumb n Dumber saying "Aw jeez, you're no fun" and shuffling back out to the living room to play x-box.

Doesn't make them any less wrong but I get the sense that her husband isn't a psychopath, just an idiot.

OK now let me have it, flame away.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> As soon as the other guy walked into the room, it was two men trying to have sex with her at the same time.
> 
> Yep, this is a very threatening situation. Her husband was setting her up for what he and his friend had planned.


Fair enough. Let's say she felt threatened, even though she hasn't said that. You're still missing the most important element of the non-crime. When she said no, they stopped.



> What if she had her eyes closed as people often do during sex? It would have been even worse as her husband set her up.


That would have been worse. But that's not what happened. I choose to stick to discussing what actually happened.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

inarut said:


> Phtlump...I can understand why you would fight so fiercely against an attempted rape charge but what I cannot understand is your gross minimization of the husbands actions. It goes way beyond meanness and insensitivity and even disrespect. Although you say he is a jackass... You don't seem to really grasp the gravity of his behavior and its effect on the op.


To the contrary. In my first post in this thread I advised the OP to ban the friend from her home forever, insist that her husband never mention anything approaching a threesome to her again, force him to sleep on the couch indefinitely, and refuse to allow him to minimize his actions or suggest she shouldn't be upset. If he balked at any of those, she should have separation papers ready for him to sign.

I've called him unbelievably stupid, mean, insensitive, a jerk, and a jackass. The only thing I'm suggesting in her husband's favor is that he doesn't deserve to be imprisoned for his actions.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Remember that this was not the first occasion that OP's husband clearly disrespected her boundaries. He was also posting private pictures of her online.

Imagine prospective employers, friends, family, seeing such pics. We had another thread in the past similar to this. That thread was stage one. OP's situation is already stage two.


----------



## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Giver I hope you are ok. This is a serious situation, be strong take some actions. someone here wondered what could happened if you did not open your eyes!! Your H was supposed to protect you and not to give you to sex predator. Ignore those who are wondering about you name giver. Here are different people , some can give you advice but other will continue to hijack your tread to defend your H.s behavior, just because they think they would do the same, and they want to make people think that what your H did is normal. It is not normal, it is deviant!!!


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Would have been nice if Giver would come back. It was obvious that she need help and advice and all she got was a couple of jackasses calling her a troll and now a few more having their own raging debate on if it's or isn't attempted rape. Your hijacking the ladies thread and she's hasn't been back since. You want to continue the rape debate, then start your own thread and lets hope that she comes back and could get the help that she needs. This is not helping the woman in the least so how about cooling it.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> As soon as the other guy walked into the room, it was two men trying to have sex with her at the same time.


I've made no secret that several years ago I did a little escorting. I was involved in some threesomes both MMW and MWW. In both cases I had to make it very clear there was no M on M contact (the W on W didn't matter and was expected). I was always the first man at bat if you know what I mean. 
About five out of the seven or so times, my services were rejected when I precluded male on male touching. Neither can I understand the husband's desire to "follow-up" after another male. Accordingly, I have my own opinion about the sexual orientation of men who want MMW threesome with their wives.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Unfortunately hubby is "lite pimping" his wife.

It's...demented.


----------



## Joylush (Sep 28, 2013)

I must be one sick puppy then because depending on who it was, and my overall mood I'm sure, I could see it as a real turn on. Then again I love having sex with my partner. But if he did something he knew I'd find upsetting for his own benefit I would find that disrespectful. I'd certainly at least want to know why he thought it would be ok.


----------



## thrall (Sep 26, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> He isn't sorry and he will do it again, or something worse.


:iagree:


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

giver said:


> Last night my husband had a friend spending the night on our couch. His wife recently left him and he needed someone to talk to. I put our kids to bed and then went to bed myself. When my husband finally came to bed he immediately woke me by kissing me and taking off my clothes. I was exhausted and really wasn't into it but I went along with it any how. Then all of a sudden his friend walks into our room. I scrambled to cover myself thinking maybe he needed my husband and didn't knock for fear of waking me. My husband however didn't stop, I had to push him off of me while his friend proceeded to take his shirt off and come over to the bed. My husband kept saying "it's okay, just go with it". I was shocked and humiliated. Even after seeing my reaction my husband kept trying to push me into it and his friend tried to put a guilt trip saying "i really can't handle any more rejection right now". I held my ground and said NO! because I knew that if I went along with it to make my husband happy then I would hate myself. I know my husband is impulsive and likes to spice things up, but i feel that my husband thinks of me as cheap, like he can just loan me out to his friends. I just don't know where to go from here.


Kick him - and his friends - in the balls.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The last time that the OP posted was in post #20. She has clearly left the building.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The moderators have moderated this thread ...

Please focus on supporting the OP, and what actions she can take to set clear, hard boundaries about such behavior and why she should not tolerate similar in the future.

If the OP does not post back to this thread, it will be locked.


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I think using the term "rape" is ridiculous imo, and making the issue appear worse to the op than it really is...they guy DID stop when she made it clear she wasnt having it

It sounds like your husband does not respect you, or even really know you at ALL to have done that...you dont spring a surprise threesom on a spouse unless you are relativley sure they will at least consider it...he made a very stupid mistake...

WHAT he did wouldnt bother me as much as WHY...if it were me, id be more upset about the apparent lack of respect, sexual incompatibility, and just plain not "knowing" you...THAT is a serious problem...

also, he showed nude pics of you to friendS and you still married him...NOT justifying what he did, but you dropped the ball THEN on establishing boundries...

if I were a marriage counselor (am not) I would be focusing on the incompatibility between you 2, it is very worrisome and obvious...I would NOT, however, start labling everyone a rapist...had he and his friend continued against your will, then yeah sure, tatoo "rapist" on the forheads...but ONCE he realized you truly were NOT into it, he stopped...


----------

