# Afraid to leave H at home for Christmas



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I need help. I'm not going to go into all the background story unless needed. Right now I am afraid to leave my H at home for Christmas because he is very depressed. We have been married 5 months and he has been getting quickly worse. We fight a lot. I've been fighting with him for 5 months to talk to someone. If not me, then someone. He either doesn't talk at all, or he blows up and yells. He finally got an appointment to see a counselor this week, but they had to postpone his appointment at the last minute. Now, again, we are fighting about other things and if we can't resolve some of it, I really don't want him coming to my parent's with me for the next few days. Plus, we were supposed to leave in the next hour, and he now tells me he is going to work this afternoon. I tried to get him to talk this morning. If we can't resolve some of the tension, I don't think it would be good for both of us to go to my parent's for Christmas. I think we need time apart. But I am afraid he is getting so depressed that he shouldn't be alone. He won't tell his dad, even though they talk every day. He's not even close to his mom. I've thought about calling his dad's girlfriend (long time girlfriend) and talking to her about this. I am very worried about my H. 

Yesterday, he told me he is going to have his kids here on Sunday for Christmas....with no warning at all. No preplanning. I've asked him about Christmas with his kids for months and he's never said he is going to have them here. We haven't seen the kids since July because he never calls them. Today, I asked him about that and he says he doesn't know, that he is fighting with his ex about it. He hasn't talked to them since the wedding, and then calls out of the blue 2 days before Christmas saying he wants to see them for Christmas....of course she is fighting with him! And I don't know how to be sympathetic about that either.....he has caused himself, and me, and her more stress. 

Now, he has been on the couch going on 2 days and cries when I try to talk to him. I can't figure anything out with him because he just says he's done, he's stupid, he doesn't know anything. Now that we've both calmed down from yesterday, I tried to talk to him calmly today and he says I'm just trying to pick a fight. He also says he is sick to his stomach. Throwing up, diarrhea. He causes himself to be sick because he holds everything inside all the time and I really, truly think he is depressed. I've dealt with depression and anxiety in my life, and I know what it can do to you. What do I do now?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm in a slightly similar boat, but it is my ex who is so bad and I do not know what to do about it. When we first separated, he got really bad, hit rock bottom, then bounced back up. He also made a point of telling me about it, so part of me thinks this is similarly manipulative behavior on his part--why does he feel the need to tell me?

Anyway, my best advice is to quit waiting for the appointment with the counselor and get him to your medical doctor ASAP. It takes a while to figure out the right meds sometimes, so the sooner he gets started, the better. Go to the ER, in fact, if you can't get him to his regular doctor. The point is, take action. I've done it and I guess I'll have to do it again if he doesn't come around on his own soon--he's with his family and the kids right now, back on Sunday. We'll see then.


----------

