# Not sure what to do.



## SoLost (May 7, 2009)

I am 22 years old I am married my husband and I have been together 4 years married for one and we have a 14 month old little girl. I love my husband very much I don't know whats wrong with me I don't have any desire to have sex with him, I have not for a good while. I am attracted to him and I don't really know if its about him or about me. When we try to have sex I start out very tense I can't relax I don't like him touching me it annoys me... Ugh this sounds horrible! I eventually relax and get into it. I always finish before him he takes a god awful long time to finish and I still act into it for him but I feel like an object for him not like hes into me like I am just a vagina to him. Its not intimate.. I hate my body... I used to be tiny now I am not... I can't stand to look at myself and I can't see how he can. I have only been with two people the first put me down all the time told me I was not sexy enough.... I gained a lot of issues from this that my poor husband has to deal with. I don't know what to do anymore guys seriously I feel so guilty not giving it up to him when he wants it we have sex maybe twice a week. I tried pills to give my some kind of drive and it really did nothing for me. There is a ton more of I can write but I will leave it at this for now to see what kind of response I get I really want to fix this *sigh* I don't want him to be un happy and I am sick of not being happy.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Your problem is not uncommon. My guess is that your primary care physician or Ob/gyn will minimize the issue. My wife's did. You would do well to seek out a therapist. Doing nothing means both of you are unhappy. The consequences are far-reaching, and overwhelmingly bad - in light that you now have a child.

Are you able to talk with your husband about how you feel?


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## SoLost (May 7, 2009)

I have talked to him about how I feel but it does not do all that much we are still sitting here with the same problem I have talked to him about talking to a doctor and he thinks it would be a good idea and could help. I just have to wait until we have insurance again for that.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

SoLost said:


> I am attracted to him and I don't really know if its about him or about me.


Likely a little of both



SoLost said:


> I always finish before him he takes a god awful long time to finish and I still act into it for him


If he consistently take a lot longer than you take and you are “acting the roll” you are most likely resenting this during sex and not looking forward to it the next time. Try more manual or oral stimulation on him before you start intercourse. That my reduce the actual time and you may both enjoy it more.



SoLost said:


> but I feel like an object for him not like hes into me like I am just a vagina to him. Its not intimate..


If you feel like an object of course you will not enjoy it as you should. Communicate to him what you want during sex. What makes you feel loved and wanted. Ask him to modify technique if needed.



SoLost said:


> I hate my body... I used to be tiny now I am not... I can't stand to look at myself and I can't see how he can.


If you have poor self esteem about your body it will greatly diminish your comfort with sex. Does he like the way you look? He obviously still desires you. Either grow comfortable with your body as is and know he desires you or do something about the weight.




SoLost said:


> I have only been with two people the first put me down all the time told me I was not sexy enough.... I gained a lot of issues from this that my poor husband has to deal with.


How is he dealing with it? Does he complement you? Do special things for you?



SoLost said:


> When we try to have sex I start out very tense I can't relax I don't like him touching me it annoys me... Ugh this sounds horrible! I eventually relax and get into it.


Are there consistent things that he does to make you relax? Do you need more romance before, more kissing, more fore play…?


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