# Why is it so much easier...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

... to love your child then your spouse? Well... for me anyway...

Still remember having to pull myself away for a moment when I first held my daughter because I never felt such a surge of emotion and joy. It was f--king painful for me. Like dropping an icecube into boiling water I cracked, had to pull away so I could crack alone. 

What held me together was reminding myself the promise I made to my future children when I was just a child. Without that I doubt I would have been able to handle it. My wife over the years have been seemingly jealous over our daughter really, and how I spoil our child but not her.

Anyone else encountered this?


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Because I love my children dearly, I put my marriage first. Children grow up and they will model what they see your relationship is like. If you want that little girl of yours to grow up and be treated like the precious flower she is, you better make sure you are giving that to her mother. It sounds like the message you are giving her is a wife and mother is a second class citizen in the home, not the Queen of the family as she should be. So, do you want your daughter to grow up and be put second place, or do you want her to be the Queen of her own home? As her father, that obligation lays more firmly on your shoulders than anyone elses.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

Damn... =/
Oh hell I'm screwed


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband and I put our marriage first, then the children are right behind us, lastly the pets. We are a very LOVING family. Everyone's needs/wants are met in our household. No one is ever neglected in any way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I understand the jealousy that your wife has, as my older daughter's father was the same way. He doted on her which is good, but I got nothing. Not a dang thing from him emotionally or physically.

So I left. Best thing I ever did.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh it seems I don't even really care about my wife leaving. I find it interesting how I can be vulnerable and loving towards my child yet I harden myself up with my wife.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Mindful Coach said:


> Because I love my children dearly, I put my marriage first. Children grow up and they will model what they see your relationship is like. If you want that little girl of yours to grow up and be treated like the precious flower she is, you better make sure you are giving that to her mother. It sounds like the message you are giving her is a wife and mother is a second class citizen in the home, not the Queen of the family as she should be. So, do you want your daughter to grow up and be put second place, or do you want her to be the Queen of her own home? As her father, that obligation lays more firmly on your shoulders than anyone elses.


Well put. I like this!


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Thank you Cherry. It looks as if you have some figuring to do RandomDude. I'll bet if you start treating your wife as First, she will blossom in ways that will surprise and delight you, after she starts to trust it that is. Your daughter will feel a greater sense of security as your marriage strengthens, and you'll be creating a legacy for her to follow!


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

RD . . . I'm right with you on what you're feeling. My wife has told me on several occasions that she wished that she had with me what my daughter has. Which is . . . laughter! If my wife weren't so friggin caught up with herself AND worried about everyone else, she could relax enough to laugh once in awhile. It wasn;t always like this either which makes me very sad. And yes, my wife and I have communicated about this but according to her 'there is nothing wrong' with her. Fine with me - I'm here for her if and when she needs me. Queens and Kings need to earn their crowns. My princess' tiara is a given.

I disagree with putting anyone in my family 'as First'. This would imply that one of my 3 kids (or my wife) gets to be Fourth - which seems inherently unhealthy on many levels. The spouse is the adult and needs to be responsible for their own actions. A child needs loving support from parents and it would be irresponsible for me to put my daugher second waiting until my wife gets her stuff together. In the meantime my kids can have at least one parent who's stable (and not to say it's always going to be me either) and learn that life has ups and downs and laughter can help with many many things.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Heh it seems I don't even really care about my wife leaving. I find it interesting how I can be vulnerable and loving towards my child yet I harden myself up with my wife.


I feel the same with my kids, they are my world, and I only open up and show my vulnerable side with them no one else really. I tried getting some answers in therapy about this.

What it boils down to, is that we always forgive our children for their mistakes, as for others in our llives...not so much.


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