# Wow. A glimpse into the past.



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

We are about to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary, 10 years as a couple. 

I happened to log into a very old email account today that was active around the beginning of our relationship. I haven't received an email there since 2010. 

I had a folder there where I saved all of the emails from my H (then boyfriend). I just went back and read all of them. 

Wow. If I didn't mutually remember the events that were referenced in those emails, I would not have believed it was him. 

I don't even recognize the man writing in those emails. He was so lovey dovey and cheerful and happy! I can't even remember him using some of the pet names he used in those emails. 

I hadn't thought about any of those times in our lives for years. It is bittersweet to see the messages of two kids wildly in love. We went out to dinner last weekend and barely had anything to say to each other !

Has anyone else had this blast from the past experience ?

Really made it painfully obvious how much has changed !


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Blast from the past for me is worthwhile remembering. I've saved notes from my husband as far back during the courtship years in college. Photos from our younger days also remind us of where we were. I'm married going on 35 years; first marriage for both of us. We celebrate my husband's 59th birthday in a few days; dated him exclusively when he was 20 and married him at 24.

I made a movie of these momentos from our youth to remind me of the wonderful years that I've spent with him. I play the movie in my computer from time to time. As far as conversations, I'm the chatterbox since I'm into everything from finance, fashion, current events, work situations, whatever is good conversation. We are fortunate to have each other as we are now old together and both our parents are now deceased. It's us against the world.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Yes, it is quite normal as when we first meet someone, we are full of hope and love.

I met with ex husband in September 1998. I had hundreds of emails and love letters. Extremely amorous, full of hope, full of love, full of life.

Life changes, that is what we must learn to recognize. It no longer hurts. It is over.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I love that you can look back and use that to foster the love you have now. I try to be that way too. I struggle though with being 30 and feeling like all of my best years with my H might be behind us. Seems like I am way too young for that. Not as individuals but together in our married life. I would give a lot for just one more day of THAT guy in those emails. I am sure he probably thinks the same about me.

I don't want any silly infatuation with just anyone mind you. I only desire to feel that way again with him.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Yes it has....I even decided to compose a novel about it. Not my X though,

that would be a short story over the first 5 years


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

There are many, many years ahead of you and your husband. The very best years are ahead of you. These past 10 years were the best for us. I believe that there are many years in the future for us. My parents were married for 63 years.

I share my movies with my husband. He gets teary-eyed when viewing them and gets motivated to show that he is still the same young man. (I'm 2 years younger than my husband.) Getting old is a journey and I'm electing to view my world in a "half-filled" glass rather than "half-empty". No one wants to be around a grumpy aging woman.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon kag123
Its worth thinking very hard about what changed - because you may be able to get that love and affection back. 

In my case my wife stopped sleeping with me,and that soured everything. A few years ago when our sex life started up again, we were back to being the affectionate loving couple we had been so many years ago. As sex has declined again, we are again drifting into a dry dusty "friendship".

In your relationship it may be something else. It maybe his doing, or yours, or both of you. Its worth trying to figure out.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I would show him those emails and see if he is willing to work with you to get back to that place. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I have all my email..except spam and advertising from 1994 on.

I read through them once to see if I could figure out what went wrong.
The signs were there.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Moral of the story, man will tell you ANYTHING to get what they want.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I have sort of an opposite story. Wife and I are doing good now but a few years back we were on the brink of divorce. I was seeing a therapist and she suggested keeping a diary of what was happening on a daily basis, conversations, issues, etc...

I sometimes read those notes and can't believe that my wife now is the same person I was living with back then.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

DoF said:


> Moral of the story, man will tell you ANYTHING to get what they want.


While that could definitely be true, it could also be a simple case of both of them neglecting the maintenance of the relationship resulting in them drifting apart. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

kag123 said:


> Has anyone else had this blast from the past experience ?


Yes. 

But while it's wonderful to reminisce, know that those outward, verbose displays of affection almost always cool down in your relationships. It doesn't mean it has to disappear, it hasn't in my relationship for example, but it's not likely to ever be as it was during new love.

And why would it? New love is about establishing a foundation you can build on. It requires more attention, expression, just like building a house requires more attention and work than upkeeping an already finished home.

Here's the thing that matters, are you two still in love? My wife and I aren't as verbose as when we were 20, but we're deeper in love, and more connected, than we were even then. That's what matters most to us.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wow. A glimpse into the past.*



Roselyn said:


> There are many, many years ahead of you and your husband. The very best years are ahead of you. These past 10 years were the best for us. I believe that there are many years in the future for us. My parents were married for 63 years.
> 
> I share my movies with my husband. He gets teary-eyed when viewing them and gets motivated to show that he is still the same young man. (I'm 2 years younger than my husband.) Getting old is a journey and I'm electing to view my world in a "half-filled" glass rather than "half-empty". No one wants to be around a grumpy aging woman.


I am encouraged to hear that you feel your last 10 years have been your best. What do you think has made them that way? Anything you did or didn't do, or just coincidence?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I've written here a few times with some of the problems of my marraige. Nothing truly significant such as infidelity but I've got a man who has shut me out almost completely. We've got almost no emotional connection at all and we're like business partners. 

It was just shocking to be reminded that things weren't always that way. His emails from that time were very expressive and he shared a lot with me. He talked of how he felt about me and how he dreamed of our future. I forgot any of that happened lol. You get so caught up in daily life you lose sight of what you once were and what you are becoming. 

There are some subtle signs that I see in those old messages that make me laugh. He talked of money then, budgets and making sure we picked sensible dates and restaurants and so on. I now see it through the lens of what he really is - VERY uncomfortable about spending money. (Not necessarily a bad thing.) But it gets on my nerves here and there now and it went over my head back then. 

I also see a lot of myself keeping him at a distance back then...I was enjoying the dating but wasn't looking to jump into anything serious at that time due to some previous experiences in a different long term relationship before him. Maybe he liked the "hard to get"? I've never been one to play games so my distancing wasn't for that reason. I just see a fragile girl protecting her heart. Once I got to know him and decided we were getting serious I gave myself over completely. And that's how I am now. Maybe i over share ?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wow. A glimpse into the past.*



jaquen said:


> Yes.
> 
> But while it's wonderful to reminisce, know that those outward, verbose displays of affection almost always cool down in your relationships. It doesn't mean it has to disappear, it hasn't in my relationship for example, but it's not likely to ever be as it was during new love.
> 
> ...


I definitely don't expect us to ever relive our infatuation new - relationship days (although in a perfect world that would be a nice refresher once in awhile). I know that the new relationship stuff is fueled by brain chemicals and so on. 

I believe we love each other. I know that I love him and my heart is with him. I believe he feels the same about me. 

There are times when I question that. Depending on what is going on in our lives. 

We went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago for a good friends mom. She passed away suddenly and our friends parents had been married for 60+ years. It was a very raw emotional service since the death was so sudden. My H and I both attended and watched as her husband openly sobbed over her casket and as she was lowered into the ground. It was heartbreaking. He instinctively held onto me tightly and we both cried and I know that at that moment we were both thinking the exact same thing...I love you, please don't ever leave me. That would be me if you were in that casket right now.

I don't know why but I walked away from that with a great deal of peace when thinking about our marraige.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

kag123 said:


> I am encouraged to hear that you feel your last 10 years have been your best. What do you think has made them that way? Anything you did or didn't do, or just coincidence?


We paid all our debts, including home mortgage. I'm now eligible to retire early from my employment with a pension plan. We are presently 58 and 56 years of age; I'm younger. We are much more relaxed and are grateful that we have each other in our journey to another chapter in our lives which will be retirement in the future.

We made goals for us, financially and professionally, which came to fruition in the last 10 years of our married life. No coincidence where we are today. We made choices which were beneficial for both of us. We hope to live to be Centennials if our health permits!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

kag123 said:


> (although in a perfect world that would be a nice refresher once in awhile). I know that the new relationship stuff is fueled by brain chemicals and so on.


Oh I definitely know it's still possible to recapture that. This week, for example, I've been feeling the most intense swells of "in love", consuming affection and attraction to my wife. Akin to those new relationship feelings, but deeper. And we've been together going on 15 years next summer.



kag123 said:


> I don't know why but I walked away from that with a great deal of peace when thinking about our marraige.



That makes perfect sense to me, why you'd feel peace. The grief of this sudden past cut through the walls and let you know that this man, at his roots, still loves you and needs you in that "never leave me ever" way that real lovers do.


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