# Need advice



## Cy34 (Jan 30, 2016)

Hello all i will try to be brief sorry if its long 

So i met a young lady went through the motions and eventually married. We have been married for about 11 months now. We have had a good partnership and chemistry like no other. Sad to say that during this time we also have had sone ups and downs. We lived in az together rented a home she has 3 kids i have 1 outside of our marriage none together. Being married to this individual i started to find out more and more things about her. Things such as past criminal charges reasons why she could not get things such as phones or insurance and or rent places. I thought hmm whatever we have rough timea in our lives so i thought nothing of it but to accept it as i have married this woman. So a few minths pass and we are working and taking care of bizz and suddenly i noticed change.

Change i noticed was my wofe was starting to nag often i kean for wvery little thing. Things like i question her to much. I call her to much or text or want to know to much basically telling me i smother her. As we are going through these times she gor to a point where she would walk out and leave in the middle of the night. She would claim to be sleeping in her car and never at a friends. I can admit at times i would follow her but she would know and it was like a cat and mouse game so i stopped. 

She would never call but come home in the a.m fully dressed for worked and showered crazy right. I know i thought so too. I idmeadiatley suspected her cheeating off top. I questioned it and she would just deny that fact she was so whatever we would fix the little drama stage and try to move on. At times we were golden but certain days should would just throw tantrums for odd ass reasons and leave. Could never understand it.

I worked about 40 min from home and one day she and i were on the phone talking. A young lady spoke to me and says hello she yells on the phone who is that? I reply a co worker she says to me i think your cheating to me i thought nothing to lol. I arrive home that evening and we sit and talk about the moment and she expresses she does not trust inqork so far away and she asked me to get a job closer my guess is so ahe could spy and see if i was being a dog or cheat. (never have never will) so i reply sure no problem i did not like the job any who so i find a different job. Ahe changes her hours and is gone 24 /7 only to arrive home later. I never stressed it. 

One evening we get into a verbal discussion and she says she going to move out and go to her moms in another state i thought wow are you serious we just got the place and are newlyweds. I said to her no not acceptable. Did not matter i go out to shake the argument come back home and the house is packed and she disappears for a few days not calling or texting or replying to me. I figure it all for atrention but knew it was serious at the same time not wanting to deal with it i went to a family members house for a night to come back and norice ahe had took off. She did not take anything but clothing and her personals. She hit me on fb and says im gone im not coming back . heart drops in shock having no reaponse i think to myself this B. 

A few weeks past as i am figuring out what to do with all this crap. She calls and wxpresses how much she misses me and can't bs without me so we talk and i trying to be a great guy in which i am say ok and i yp and go to where she is. Now mind you i have not met her parents yet or half her family but i make the move. 

We get to the place and for about a month or so she is better but more controlling it seems now because she has family to back her every mistake or tantrum but i think whatever and accept it. Note i left things in the other state so inwas back and forth frequentlymoving things and trying to settle at same time working.

Few months past and i am using her phone one morning and she recieves a text i ignore and continue doing what i was doing on her phone. I become curious open the phone text only to see a pic of a guy and two children and a solo pose of him. I question her and ask... Hey. Babe you have not met anyone her or seeing anyone behind my back being i have been traveling she says no and we carry on. I show her the pic she becomes so annoyed and starts yelling why are you using my phone its my co workers baby dad. I think b.s and was like ok and told her qhat i thought and dropped the subject and also told her i aanted to say more but would just keep it to myself.

She ask me later what i was going to say about the pic and i told her drop it we moving foward and she throws a tantrum again in public embarrassing me and walks away i got to talk with her and find myself being swung at by her sceeaming don't touch me helo this help that i think your fn crazy and tell her what are you tryin g to do to me. 

She qalks away i let her go have a smoke matter facttwo and she comes over and she says how sorry she is and ask me to forgive her i say yes and explain to her that if she ever did that again we would tale time apart from each other. So what happens she does it again i pack and i leave. Not to beeak our marriage but to take time from her it was just too much.

I give her a call when i get to my destination only to hear from her i dont want you to ever come back again i think what really. 
We talk male better and i am not back woth her still away about for a week or two and i get an email from her stating she has reunited with her x. Now note her ex was married at the time he was with her she found out he was married and they broke up and moved on well at least that what she said. Supposedly the ex got a divorce she found out and told me not to come back she has a protection order on me and i am not welcomed back. Christmas she senda me a pic of her and her ex in a bed together cuddling together with one another. Ugggh i break oht in tears and am seriously pissed. Not to mention she has not our ring on she has a different on and has his last name on her page and not mines. 
As time passes i find our she is currently living with him and she post pics of them and the times they share on social media and also in my email. I reach out to her in queation for her actions and get responses such as move on i am where my heart has always been and so on now mind you she has clearly expressed she will jot file for a divorce and also if i did she would not sign paper work because she aant to remain married. I do love her and i am not one who believes in divorce and kinda at a lost because of my beliefs. What should i do or how should i attack this situation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

File for divorce ASAP.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You're being deceived, my friend! You are her "Plan B!" 

Get your butt to a lawyer's office pronto!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

File today!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Seriously !!!

You don't sound mature enough to be married young man.

You don't have a wife, you have someone trying to make you kill yourself so she can get your life insurance.

I have a question ??

Why don't you love yourself more.

Your whole relationship was a setup dude.
And save the the belief crap. You just have a bad case of "not believing you deserve better."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What did you mean when you said: 



> So i met a young lady went through the motions and eventually married.


Put like that it doesn't sound as if you were particularly dedicated to the marriage?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you can't honestly think given her history and her actions that she wants to stay and have a life for you faithfully, you go into your closet, grab your big boy pants on and as the other have clearly stated about FILE the divorce papers...and next time choose wisely. I know your hurting, and i am sorry for that, there is no question it will hurt for a while and you should seek some professional help, but please don't add idiocy to the mix.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Go see a lawyer. You have given her one too many chances!
Then contact her family - the one you never met and tell them the situation, let her explain it to them. Send the papers to her parents house.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

You need advice my friend : RUN and dont look back.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

she is crazy.

Get out and get tested for stds.

Move on and get away from the jailbird. You can't believe any thing she says.

She has treated you rotten and go see your attorney to see if you can get out of this mess.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Get out and work on you.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

* i am not one who believes in divorce*

oh for crying out loud..


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

" i get an email from her stating she has reunited with her x."

Do some serious research to find out who the guy is. Send him a thank you card telling him you owe him.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Not to be rude, but I just couldn't get much out of what you wrote. You sound either very young or very naive. With suck a young marriage and no kids, run straight to lawyer and file. Don't look back. This is not something to fight for. 

Also recommend that you do some real work on yourself. In the babble that you posted, I see a very needy and weak boy. It's time to work on being the man you were meant to be. Find out the direction you want your life to go in. Do not rush out to get into another relationship. Work on yourself while the D process completes.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

jsmart said:


> This is not something to fight for.


I think deep down he knows that she is not something to fight for. I think that he is just being hard headed and doesn't want to admit that he chose poorly.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

First of all all I would have been done with my old lady if alls I got for Christmas from her was a picture....Secondly this Christmas present include my old lady and her boyfriend in bed together!

I regress...you got the best Christmas gift ever...take that picture to your lawyer and divorce your old lady and sue the OM.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your old lady isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer,,,she just sent you proof of adultery and the face of the man you can sue for allianation of affection.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Cy34 said:


> What should i do or how should i attack this situation.


You confronted her with evidence and you became the bad guy.

Then when she realized she might lose something, she became remorseful.


That, my friend, is called manipulation. Don't fall into the trap. She is using her emotions to elicit a particular response from you. It isn't her being genuine.

The negative (anger) reaction on her part was used to get you to back down or to get you to chase her.

The negative (sad) reaction on her part was used to get you to feel sorry for her.


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## oliamble (Jun 1, 2015)

Wow I have been away from this forum for quite some time. This sounds like such a disorganized life she has. I'm married with my wife of almost 15 yrs and in her case she hoards a bunch of garbage in the house, lost her employment due to frictions with other employees, not that I'm justifying the reasons but she's not 100% guilty as any employer has evil people. 

Well it sounds like this lady wife of yours has a very disorganized past life and is used to disappearing and hiding things from you (my wife died the same thing with me, she disappears at times, never picks up the phone, and when I confront her about something she denies it). The best way would be, if no kids involve file, file ASAP while you still can.

You have no kids in common (do not get her pregnant, she'll ruin your life), file and get away from her. Emotional effect shouldn't be so harsh since you have only being married for such a short time.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Divorce ASAP


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## Redactus (Nov 22, 2015)

Pull the rip-cord and bail out (divorce). There is no redeeming quality to salvage.


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