# Not again, please don't put me down again!!Don't take your love away again!!



## Rachel- (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm new and down.
I have been separated under the same roof for about 2 months.
We have two little girls, 2 and 4 years old, a big loan with a bank and not talking to each other. a real mess.
My husband is very controlling and doesn't trust me.I never give him reason for it. He is accusing me to cheat on him on the base of few underware he found in the laundry that have been there since last I used them with him. He doesn't remember of course and he is talking about them as evidence I have been cheating on hm. I haven't and never thought of doing it but he wil never trust my words.
Once, after we stop talking, I went to see a friend of mine, a woman, mum of a friend of my 4 yeras old at child care. I have been out 3 hours and I didn't want to tell him I went to her house or he would have thought I spoke to her about our problems and he would got upset about it. He is also very controlling, even if he doesn't admit it, and I avoid for 14 years to have friends not to listen to his nagging about me talking to the people we know about our problems. If he would treat me better I would have no reason to talk to other people of my problem I told him once. but he doesn't care. His main purpose is making me feel guilty so that I won't make any new friendship.
I am esasperated in living like this, especially now that we have 2 little girls. 
Now he has reach the bottom. We made up 3 days ago after he invited me for a walk with the girls and dog. than I made an official move, going to see him in the guest room where he sleeps.
This morning, after I made a delicate wash of those laungerie that I put on for him, I hanged them up and he started questioning me about them, telling me that some he remembers I put on with him...but what about this and that...when did you put those on??? and went on and on saying that my answers weren't right because he never sow those things in the laundry basket. I know I am right so I lost my temper and start shouting also because I was deeply hurted. I spoke a lot about my feelings for him when we made up just 3 days ago and be treted this way had the same feeling as been stubbed directly in my hearth. I feel really down and as this is so totally unfair.
Thats way I start screaming and I banged a door, breaking something, after a while I went back at him talking and shouting try to make him understand he was making a mistake but he grabbed me saying that if I break something also he would break my head. And he left 2 bruises on my arm.
I just can't keep on been treated like this, he keeps on treating me with no respect and what in a way I feel as emotionally abusing me that makes me incapable of conducting a normal life. When he gets angry at me he usually gives me the silent treatment, which consist in days and days during which he pretends I don't exist, he literally look through me, doesn't answer my questions and I don't know how long it lasts...he is in control of that too.
I also find out that last month he has done a paternity test. He has 2 daughters from a previous marriage and told me he was suspicious of the youngest. So I thought at first he had done it for her. Then I found out he had done that for 2 siblings and was sure, knowing him and also because we were arguing, he had done it for one of our 2 little girls as well. 
But this morning, when I confronted him about it, he admetted he has done it for both our girls only. I just couldn't believe it!
He is accusing me to be a ***** and that our 2 girls aren't his.
He makes me think like we are in the middle of one of those cheap soap opera you see on tv and maybe this is the problem he watches way to much tv and internet.
I don't know what to think and do. I'm hearth broken, angry and so sad I could cry for days non stop, still cannot do it, I have to smile for my two little angels, that by the way, look soo much like their dad that everybody always tell me so and make me angry...he seems to be the only one not to see it.
I'm sorry if I wrote to much.
I feel really bad and I really dont' know how to face the future in this situation. He told me in the past he will never let me have the girls for myself. 
I guess he will never stop trying to scare me , one way or the other, to make me do what he wants.
He wants me back at his own rules as if I hadn't already given up everything in my life for him.
Someone maybe out there can relate to my situation and understand what I'm going through...
I hate this feeling of despair and depression I have been thrown in, I don't think I deserve to be treated like this.


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## 20matc11 (Mar 1, 2011)

You don't deserve to be treated like this! No one does. You need to get some help right away. If you have found someone you can trust to talk to and get help from use them. Threats of violence very quickly lead to actual violence. You need to do what is best for you and your girls. It may be hard on them to not have their father but having them see you being treated like this may have a worse effect on them and get them trapped in similar relationships when they are older. Please for your own well being get help and get to a place in your life where you can start healing from this. 

Questions though: What happened to his previous marriage? 
Does anyone else see this going on?
Did you know he was like this before you got 
married?


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

You ARE being abused. Please call an abuse hotline or see a counselor. 

No, you do not deserve to be treated like that. It's cruel and mean.

Please get some help and I wish you well.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree:
You deserve better then this. 

He needs help and so do you, because your self esteem has taken a battering.

He is abusive.


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## Rachel- (Aug 21, 2011)

We are both from Italy, we met in London, he was married and left his wife soon after our relationship started. I don't know what his marriage was like but more than once he said they were good friends. They had 2 daughters now grown up. he is 23 years older than me.
We moved to Australia 9 years ago. I am in contact with my parents that are aware of all this ups and down but we don't have any family here or friends. I spend my days cleaning the house that is for sale as we don't have any money and looking after the girls. i only go out for grocery shopping and I wonder how can he accuse me of having an affair with somebody else. I am always here on constant call.
He was a bit jelaous at the beginning of our relationship but we were both so in love that I didn't give much notice. i was also so much younger than him that I didn't have enough experience to detect his abusive and controlling behaviour that wasn't so healthy.

His way of treating me his forcing me to distance myself to him and it really hurts inside because I have feelings even though at the moment are all messed up.


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## 20matc11 (Mar 1, 2011)

I can understand the messed up feelings especially when a person you thought you knew turns out different. 

Italy to Australia is quite a distance from home. Why the move? 

Maybe if there is a way (visiting family, staying with friends) to gain more distance you can get some time to sort out what you are feeling. 

If these were easy situations or every marriage were perfect they wouldn't need forums like these. 

I hope you can get the help you need.


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

Rachel, what actions are you going to take to stop this?

You have a few choices, you can call an abuse hotline and let them help you or you could call your family and tell them that you need help or you can do nothing and hope the situation improves but I think you already know that doing nothing will change nothing. 

What are you going to do?


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## Beccascircus (Apr 24, 2014)

I don't even have to read the advice from others… I have lived that life for just as long as you have. I can tell you that he is cheating on you…. The controlling will never stop and the abuse will get worse. If he is as mine is.. there is no access to money for you and considering you have 2 kids (I have 3) you're worried about them… Do as I have, sneak a little money away little by little. You would be amazed at how fast it can grow…. Then leave. It will break your heart as it has mine when your eldest finally just says 'get a divorce already'… which my 13 yr old just recently did. My heart goes out to you and no matter how much you think can change, he won't. You are the only one who can change it. For the better of your daughters, because they will marry what you married. I did… I followed my mothers steps and so did my sister.


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