# Tired of walking this road alone



## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

35 years together newly divorced after 26 years of marriage. The price I had to pay of peace. BUT this is extremely difficult.
Any advice?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

That's a very broad question. 😬 



KMCS said:


> Any advice?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Find ways to enrich your life, volunteer somewhere that makes you feel good to do so. You will meet new people with similar mindsets as yours. New friends can really make a difference when your life has just turned upside down.


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> Find ways to enrich your life, volunteer somewhere that makes you feel good to do so. You will meet new people with similar mindsets as yours. New friends can really make a difference when your life has just turned upside down.


Hench the reason I have joined this group. During the times were are in there is not very many ways to enhance yourselves. And to find new friends. Hopefully I meet other that have gone through divorce that relate


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

minimalME said:


> That's a very broad question. 😬





minimalME said:


> That's a very broad question. 😬


Have you been married for a long time or gone through a divirce?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I was married for 20 years, and I've been divorced for 10. 



KMCS said:


> Have you been married for a long time or gone through a divirce?


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## Impulse (Jun 10, 2020)

.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

KMCS said:


> Hench the reason I have joined this group. During the times were are in there is not very many ways to enhance yourselves. And to find new friends. Hopefully I meet other that have gone through divorce that relate


Well, that was a great first step as there are tons of support, helpful, and good people here. Welcome to TAM!!!! I, myself was married for 23 years and my divorce was final last Feb. This place has helped me immensely.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Bottom line, you've got to purposefully build a new life and stay busy and find new interests. Once you start doing that, you may feel like you have a freedom you've never had before and start developing parts of yourself that for practical reasons you never got to before. it's important you don't just sit and wait for life to happen to you. The universe rewards 
momentum. So be proactive and following interests and hobbies. 

Golf or join a bowling league to meet new people. If your workplace has happy hour, join them. Just don't make the mistake of getting something started at work because it will backfire on you. 

One thing that is very rewarding and pays you back in ways you can't even fathom is volunteering. Google the name of your town and "volunteer" and see who is needing volunteer help and of course try to find one that appeals to you. You can do things as a volunteer that you can't even maybe afford to do as a career that are interesting to you.

It can be anything from Animal rescue to volunteering at the zoo to entertaining elderly in nursing homes or if you're tech savvy, there's always a need for people to help set up networks and fix computers and that sort of thing. 

Of course during Covid, there will be some things you can't do, but most things working with animals, you could do. Not a great time to be around elderly. Any tasks you do for someone, whether it's volunteer to haul something for them or snake their drain, you can stipulate to do social distancing. 

Volunteering makes you feel like you have value because you're helping someone else. It also puts things into perspective because you realize there are people and animals out there who need things so much more than you do. And perhaps best of all it gives you something interesting and admirable to talk about to your friends and family, rather than just showing them that you are miserable. It gives you dignity and purpose. 

Police departments also need volunteers to help with events and set up tables and chairs and that sort of thing and sometimes make phone calls.

Make yourself useful and you'll feel useful.


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

minimalME said:


> I was married for 20 years, and I've been divorced for 10.


Together 35 married for 26 . Recently divorced. Never thought it would be so difficult.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

What happened to end your marriage? Do you think you waited too long?

I think it's difficult because it's SO different that the life you were used to! Have you been able to do things you enjoy, or try new things? Do you have friends and family to spend time with?


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Bottom line, you've got to purposefully build a new life and stay busy and find new interests. Once you start doing that, you may feel like you have a freedom you've never had before and start developing parts of yourself that for practical reasons you never got to before. it's important you don't just sit and wait for life to happen to you. The universe rewards
> momentum. So be proactive and following interests and hobbies.
> 
> Golf or join a bowling league to meet new people. If your workplace has happy hour, join them. Just don't make the mistake of getting something started at work because it will backfire on you.
> ...


Thank you.. Funny you mention the elderly. I Have 2 successful private in home healthcare agencies Extremely rewarding..I have volunteered in the past and honesty had dismissed the thought do to 
I have a very small tribe do to I don't do B.S and cant do drama. I do know that i need to see some new faces and connect with ppl that have been through this krapp. lol


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> What happened to end your marriage? Do you think you waited too long?
> 
> I think it's difficult because it's SO different that the life you were used to! Have you been able to do things you enjoy, or try new things? Do you have friends and family to spend time with?


Hi,
To many women in this life.For so many years, weather it was conversation with inappropriate content ( always with ppl we both knew) or in his pants.Not to mention his toxic gaslighting behavior. Absolutely i did. I was trying not to become a sistic and doing everything i could to keep my family together. Hoping he would stop living a pipe dream and love the ones that loved him. I have been with him 36 years. I don't know how to fly solo. And the overwhelming emotions are difficult. I didn't expect them. I consider myself a very strong women. but not with this.
Family is 2 grown children that have been very supportive. My family is on the other coast and don't know i got divorced

How about yourself.


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## Miserable71 (Oct 3, 2020)

I personally have thrown myself into work. As I work in IT, it is always easy to find things that need to be done outside of business hours. As my divorce is not final and only before the judge now, I'm still living in the opposite end of the house with my son to be ex - wife... That does tend to make it harder for now. I hope to be divorced, buy a house, and move out all within the next 30 days. I know I'll be much better off once I can get out.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

KMCS said:


> Thank you.. Funny you mention the elderly. I Have 2 successful private in home healthcare agencies Extremely rewarding..I have volunteered in the past and honesty had dismissed the thought do to
> I have a very small tribe do to I don't do B.S and cant do drama. I do know that i need to see some new faces and connect with ppl that have been through this krapp. lol


that's great that you have a good home health care business and that should put you in contact with plenty of people as long as you take advantage of that opportunity. 

I have a very small tribe as well. That's just what happens when you reach my age though. It's important that you do things that make you feel good because if you feel good about yourself, it opens you up to other people.


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## KMCS (Nov 19, 2020)

Miserable71 said:


> I personally have thrown myself into work. As I work in IT, it is always easy to find things that need to be done outside of business hours. As my divorce is not final and only before the judge now, I'm still living in the opposite end of the house with my son to be ex - wife... That does tend to make it harder for now. I hope to be divorced, buy a house, and move out all within the next 30 days. I know I'll be much better off once I can get out.





Miserable71 said:


> I personally have thrown myself into work. As I work in IT, it is always easy to find things that need to be done outside of business hours. As my divorce is not final and only before the judge now, I'm still living in the opposite end of the house with my son to be ex - wife... That does tend to make it harder for now. I hope to be divorced, buy a house, and move out all within the next 30 days. I know I'll be much better off once I can get out.


Been there. Its not fun. How long have you been married? How is your son coping?


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## Miserable71 (Oct 3, 2020)

KMCS said:


> Been there. Its not fun. How long have you been married? How is your son coping?


I was married 15 years and together 16. Always hard waking up to your world upside down and being the one that cares more about the relationship. The one that cares the least definitely holds all the power. I'm still early in the process though. Also, 2nd marriage so I understand the hard road ahead for me and how you feel.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it’s very difficult to end a long marriage. There’s a lot invested when you’ve been married decades. Time is the only thing that helped me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What have you done in the 10 years since you divorced to make a life for yourself. Hobbies? Clubs? Volunteer work? Have you made friends? Dated? Do you go out with friends and family?


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