# Returning after there's been abuse?



## JustCallMeGirl (May 17, 2010)

For the first time in these 5 weeks of being separated from my husband, he called and we had a good, calm phone conversation. He actually called to ask me if I wanted to go out so we could talk. I felt nervous about that but I said I would. But since we had a good talk on the phone we just left it at that...and quite frankly I felt relieved not seeing him. Normally our phone conversations have been really intense and he just shouts and demands that I return home. He has had so much hurt, anger, & frustration in him and that's all I would hear. This conversation was a pleasant change.

He's had his second anger management meeting and maybe he's trying to apply some of what he's learning. I think that's a good thing. But I remember that it was just a week ago when he was saying if I don't return home after he's gone through these six anger management sessions he'll be "really mad". And just two weeks ago he was shouting at me when he grabbed my wrist and wouldn't let it go. Sigh.

Can you ever go back after there's been abuse?


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## zengirl (Jun 22, 2010)

Just remember - if it happened once - it might happen again, especially if he is giving you ultimatums. One thing I am realizing through my experience - I just got out of an abusive relationship -that people don't realize in a week or a month what they did wrong. Changing is the hardest thing to do. I feel that with people such as your husband and mine - they feel lonely - not that actually realize anything-they talk alot but no action. Change takes time and only you know if he can do that and it won't happen again.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

There is a great site called Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse website. It has EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to know about verbal abuse (which crosses over into emotional abuse and mental abuse too). However there is one page there that is perfect for you: Has He Really Changed?


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