# Wife Internet Affair



## bthomasbert (Apr 28, 2014)

I am 49, married since 1989 and have two daughters, 14 and 20.

On 3-16-14, using a monitoring program, I confirmed my wife was having an internet affair with someone in England (we live in Iowa). Rather than be contrite, she became defensive of her actions and was upset that I was “spying” on her by installing the monitoring program on her computer (I spied on her because she was exhibiting signs of having an internet affair!). During the ensuing argument, it came to light that she had been having a Skype affair with this gentleman for over 8 months. But, she stated she had in fact decided she was going to leave me/divorce me many months earlier, prior to engaging in her internet affair. Rather than tell me those many months earlier she that had made the decision to leave me, she decided to stay in our home because she had no job and no means to financial means to move out. My wife did not tell me of her intentions because she was afraid I would kick her out (her own admission). Instead, she stayed in our home, was distant (so was I) and had an internet affair.

I also found out that she had been sending money and gifts to her “love interest” totaling almost $500…..money we do NOT have. In addition, I was told of her plans to go to England and meet this gentleman to see if “it works out” for her. So, in the meantime, while she continues to live in our home, I have to pretend everything is cool and live with the real reason she is going to England (She has told everyone else she is going on a personal vacation…..”everyone” includes our kids) and gets enough money together from the job she just started to confess to our kids/family/friends and move out.
We have had several arguments since 3-16-14 regarding whether my wife should continue to Skype with this gentleman in our house leading up to the time she leaves for England (4-6-14). I have gone back and forth on whether she should or not but, bottom line, she has continued. My wife swore to me that they have only been” talking” and that they had not engaged in cybersex at any time during her affair. I didn’t believe her.

Yesterday, I confronted her again about my suspicion she had been having cybersex. She again denied it.

This morning, she left work for her new job. I work from home. A short time after she left, she called me to say she had left her computer on and asked if I would shut it off without looking at any of the open windows. She said this was because there were things on the open screens that would upset or hurt me. I told her I would comply with her request but……I ended up looking at the screens. As it turns out, looking at her Skype screens, she was having a VERY sexual conversation with the English gentleman that culminated in her presenting her goods via streaming video. I called her on her way to work and confronted her about my discovery. Once again, she was defensive and stated I was *spying*. She also stated yesterday was the first time that (cybersex) had ever happened (which I don’t believe). Like when discovered the affair, she was more interested in being mad a me for spying rather than being apologetic.

Look, I am no peach and I know full well that my marriage has been suffering. I know that I am just as much a part of the problem as she is. I have lied about blowing money in the past. I have lied about smoking when I know I shouldn’t. I lose my temper easily and will shout/yell. I am immature. BUT, I have never had an affair and have (honestly) never considered it an option. My wife has always characterized herself as the example of honesty and integrity in our relationship. 

Why am I posting this? I just need to hear what other people think of this situation. I am miserable need feedback.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Perfect...once she leaves, change the locks, file for divorce/abandonment, and tell everyone the truth about what has been happening. If you're lucky, she'll never come back.

Read up on the 180 and implement it.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Look the woman that you once knew and married is gone welcome to a new world it's sucks. Nothing you do or say other than cutting her off completely filing for divorce will have any impact on her and for the love of God and all things holy disconnect the Internet. I would then start telling anyone and everyone what she has been up to. Sorry you were here but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Separate your finances, see an attorney and file now.

Expose the affair to your kids, and everyone else.

Give her the divorce papers so she can leave and stay away.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Kick her out ASAP and expose to everyone who wants to hear.
Tell her to go Englad now, OM and his friends can send her money. If not she can land on a friend's couch.

Cut internet off, stop financing this unrepetant cheater and user.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Sorry you're here. Your situation is not uncommon. Please read this, it'l help.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html



bthomasbert said:


> A short time after she left, she called me to say she had left her computer on and asked if I would shut it off without looking at any of the open windows. She said this was because there were things on the open screens that would upset or hurt me.


This is a bit weird - did she want you to read this? If she'd said nothing you might have been none the wiser. 

What are your dealbreakers? Frankly, the only response to my wife telling me ahead of time that she wants to fly off and **** someone to 'see if it works out' would be to divorce her and let everyone know why.

You're a lucky man, she's just joined the workforce.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

OK you need to expose this lie to your families. Show her the door and tell her to get out.

She has decided she does not want to be your wife, so do not treat her like one.

File for D right away. Tell the kids that Mom no longer wants to be married and she is moving out. You let them know you love them very much


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Expose her affair! That will end the fantasy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

tulsy said:


> Perfect...once she leaves, change the locks, file for divorce/abandonment, and tell everyone the truth about what has been happening. If you're lucky, she'll never come back. Read up on the 180 and implement it.





harrybrown said:


> Separate your finances, see an attorney and file now. Expose the affair to your kids, and everyone else. Give her the divorce papers so she can leave and stay away.


You want her out of the house and the easiest way to do it is to just let her go. Talk to an attorney before she goes for advice. DO NOT expose until she is gone. You want her to go. I hope you have saved all the evidence you have for the attorney.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

1. back everything up. Screenshots, take pics with your phone, grab chat logs, anything you can get your hands on. Put them on a flash drive or two stored outside your house.
2. lawyer up. Draw up a separation agreement.
3. decide if you can stay with her if it ends today. If so, step 4.
4. tell her it stops today or she can sign the separation agreement.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marduk said:


> 1. back everything up. Screenshots, take pics with your phone, grab chat logs, anything you can get your hands on. Put them on a flash drive or two stored outside your house.
> 2. lawyer up. Draw up a separation agreement.
> 3. decide if you can stay with her if it ends today. If so, step 4.
> 4. tell her it stops today or she can sign the separation agreement.


As it has been said start exposing to both families.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Tell her that she either does NOT go to England and stops all communication with this person, and proves it to you, or you file for D. 

If she still argues with you, just file. Don't waste time trying to hold on to something that isn't there.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Make a back-up on the hard drive if you can and secure it in a same place. Install either a keylogger or surveillance software on the computer and do not inform her. Weightlifter on this site has detailed information in regards to this end of things, look at some of his posts.

She is not and wont tell you the truth, even her calling you and asking you to do that shows you just how deep into an affair fog she is. The quicker you blow the fantasy world up the better whether you opt to divorce or try to repair the marriage. She must realize she has something to lose, right now she feels she can do anything she wants without repercussions.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Tell her that she either does NOT go to England and stops all communication with this person, and proves it to you, or you file for D.
> 
> If she still argues with you, just file. Don't waste time trying to hold on to something that isn't there.


:iagree:
Then get yourself a voice activated recorder to protect yourself if she get's p!ssed off and calls the cops on you for a false DV charge.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She will need your permission (written) to take the 14 year old out of country I think.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Shut off the internet in your house.
Separate your money as much as legally possible.
See a lawyer immeidately.
Tell everyione the reason for the trip.
Make copies of all your evidence and put them in a safe place.
Keep a recorder on yourself at all times.

Her story about mentally separating before she started cheating, and going to see him "to see if it all works out" while expeccting you to wait home as Plan B is the exact script that all cheating wives follow.

Read read read on this site.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Send a message to Mr. Brit that he'd better protect himself and get tested after she leaves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Send a message to Mr. Brit that he'd better protect himself and get tested after she leaves.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Turn off her internet if you need yours for work.
Use your smart phone as a hot spot.
Cut off her "drug"


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

bthomasbert said:


> she called me to say she had left her computer on and asked if I would shut it off without looking at any of the open windows. She said this was because there were things on the open screens that would upset or hurt me.


I'm sure most of us would comply with that request.

/sarcasm off



bthomasbert said:


> Why am I posting this? I just need to hear what other people think of this situation.


I'm thinking that's not it.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Please tell me you don't believe she forgot the computer was still on and needed you to turn it off that second.


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## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The truth hurts but at least now you know what's really been going on. 

I'm a little confused by the dates you listed in your post. Has she already gone to England?


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## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

How about this! 

Go get a bat. Bash her laptop/computer into a bunch of broken pieces. Gather the laptop up, and put it in a pile on her side of the bed. 

Your wife is so disrespectful, it's time to do things that piss her off.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Tell your wife that right after she gets off of work today, to head straight to the airport, to get herself a ticket to the UK, and to never look back.

Good riddance, in my book! You deserve far more out of life than the likes of her!

Do the lawyer thing, and don't let her attempt to take the daughter out of the country with her! Confiscate the daughters passport, provided she has one!*


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

This is going on because you have allowed her to hide the A.

Expose it.

Tell EVERYONE (except your youngest child) the real reason she is going to England.

Then file for D.

Only communicate with her about kids and the D.

She has to see her life is over as she knows it, and if it 'doesn't work out' with this POS, then she is NEVER coming back.

If she goes through with it anyway, after she feels the consequences of exposure and your filing, it is a lost cause anyway.

And her abandoning the home to go to POS actually removes some of your headache.

Just change the locks and file abandonment charges as an addendum to the D filing.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So she knows that you know that she is having an affair. She asks you to shut down her laptop. without looking at the open windows. She SPECIFICALLY asks you not to look at the open windows.

Right...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

bthomasbert said:


> As it turns out, looking at her Skype screens, she was having a VERY sexual conversation with the English gentleman that culminated in her presenting her goods via streaming video. I called her on her way to work and confronted her about my discovery. Once again, she was defensive and stated I was *spying*. She also stated yesterday was the first time that (cybersex) had ever happened (which I don’t believe). Like when discovered the affair, she was more interested in being mad a me for spying rather than being apologetic.


I'll tell you what I would have done if I were in your shoes: I would have copied the entire 'conversation' with her on line pervert and the video of her showing her 'goods' and I would have posted it of Facebook and tagged her in it. Why? Because that is what she deserves. All of your family and friends need to see what she has become. I don't know how you can put up with that disrespect. Expose her for what she is.

Having said that. You should take the advice of the others. Separate your finances, call a lawyer and consider telling the kids, if you think they can handle it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Do you have his name?

www.cheaterville.com can be your friend.

Also, it is likely he is a scam artist. Which area is he from? The local UK police constabulary might be interested in his activities.

This website might be able to help it is a UK police site Action Fraud | Report fraud and internet crime


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

1. Buy her a one-way ticket to the UK
2. Once she's in the air cancel the credit cards 
3. Once she's in the air close the bank accts
4. When she leaves change the locks (you lost your keys!)
5. File for divorce.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Do you have his name?
> 
> www.chearweville.com can be your friend.
> 
> ...


Might want to check your first link URL, Matt.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Let her go. File and be done with it. She wants her freedom to do what she wants then let her have it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Thomas,

Everything is going to work out for the best. Tell your wife that you still love her and therefore you want her to be happy in her new life in the UK. She should go to OM if that is what her heart desires. You will have the divorce papers ready for her when she gets back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> Might want to check your first link URL, Matt.


Thanks for the catch! All fixed!:smthumbup:


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