# Separate Accounts



## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Do you all have separate bank accounts? We had them before we were married, so we just kept it that way. But for some reason I feel that once you are married that everything should become "one".


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When married we had one account. I think if I remarried, even though the guy I'm casually involved with is very conservative with money and we are VERY much on the same page financially, I'd combine one account for all household and mutual expenses and still have a separate account for our own. It's nice to be able to surprise them with a gift that wasn't purchased from a joint account or to spend money on something they may be better off not know the price of! haha as long as it's within your own account's budget.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

When I was married I had a joint account with my wife, and she had her own small savings account. If I were to ever get married again I'd have a joint account and each of us would also have a personal account. We'd put our salaries into the joint account and use it to pay bills and then split the leftover money into our personal accounts so that we each had some degree of financial independence. I'd also keep a separate account that had my pre-marital assets in it so that if I ever got divorced again there would have been no co-mingling of the premarital money.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

During my first marriage, we had a joint account where everything went into it. I had to travel a lot and my (then) wife liked to do the books. It worked but I could never figure out how she ran the books. To this day I am not sure where all of our money went.

After we separated, I took over my own finances and I know where it all goes. Plus I like to save a lot if I can.

Now in my second marriage, not sure why, but I am reluctant to release control of my earning that way again. My wife is the same way. So we each have our own personal accounts where our paychecks go. Then we have a joint account where the bills are paid. I added up all the joint bills for a year and divided by 12 and then again by 2. We each deposit that amount in the joint account for paying the bills. The remainder in our personal accounts is for our individual use, such as our respective child's college, personal items, ect.

If we have major purchases, we sit down and discuss it and how it will be paid. Then we pay our respective share.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I am with ejoli. When I was married we had a joint account. If I ever remarried I wouldn't do that again for all expenses. We would have a bills account that we both continued to equally and then our own accounts for the rest. Like it or not things change after divorce and remarriage and this is one of them. You have to have built in backups


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

My wife and I have joint accounts. I've offered to set up a separate account for her so she can buy (minor) things for herself without consulting me but she didn't want me to, so I didn't.

I do all the account balancing and taxes, but I also maintain a file of instructions on how to get at everything if I'm unavailable either temporarily or permanently.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We each have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account to transfer money. It's mainly just logistics, it's "one big pot" and not hers or mine, it's our money. We each have our own credit cards (but mainly use the one with the best rewards for us). We do/did this in part in case something happened to one us it might be a bit easier to deal.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

No, everything is joint... joint money, joint assets, joint trust.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

tech-novelist said:


> My wife and I have joint accounts. I've offered to set up a separate account for her so she can buy (minor) things for herself without consulting me but she didn't want me to, so I didn't.
> 
> I do all the account balancing and taxes, but I also maintain a file of instructions on how to get at everything if I'm unavailable either temporarily or permanently.


I guess this is one caveat that didn't occur to me. If I was to control and pay the bills out of the joint account I would probably be ok with that.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

With my ex, we had one account. If I get remarried, I'll have one account. If we had seperate accounts, I'd want access to it for full disclosure. No point in complicating things with 3+ bank accounts.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We have completely separate accounts at different banks and each have certain bills we pay. When we got married, we each added the others name on to the account, but we never use the others account for anything.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

For a marriage with kids, everything's joint.

Any significant expense is approved by both of us.

This assumes there is no problem with reckless spending.

I manage the accounts and the bills. She could join me if she wanted to, but she doesn't.

If this was a second marriage with no kids, I'd keep separate accounts.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

We have a joint checking/savings account, and she has a couple savings accounts that she has part of her paycheck deposited into (these are the accounts that she uses to make "loans" to a certain family member who won't live within their means, but we need to support this person anyway).

My business partner and I also have a large account at work which we don't touch - she doesn't see it because if she did, she'd want to spend it. She knows that my partner and I have the office accounts, but she thinks we need it for operations, when it's more because we don't want our wives to spend it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

did joint account for 20 yrs until I found her being irresponsible and her own account with lots of debt.

I would never share an account with anybody for any reason ever again. the money I make is mine. I earned it and I'll decide what to do with it. and if any woman isn't on board with that then ......NEXT.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

We have a joint account. My sisters had joint accounts with their first husbands, but not with current husbands. Their names are on each other's accounts for access if needed, though. Our parents had a joint account in the beginning, but eventually decided to go with separate accounts. 

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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

First marriage we started with zero. Combined account, etc. Everything was joint.

Now with many more assets, etc and years to get their ain't no way in heck I'd just give someone access like that even if married. People do funny things with money, especially if they have not had to work/earn it.

Even if I were to remarry, I'd have be with her a LONG time to have a joint account in which she had unfettered access to my account.

Maybe get a joint account and start saving and building an account together. Just sign over access to all my assets just because I got remarried? Oh he|l no.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> Do you all have separate bank accounts? We had them before we were married, so we just kept it that way. But for some reason I feel that once you are married that everything should become "one".


We have one main account. My W has her own account. My W is a SAHM. The separate account gives here a bit of independence in the sense that when she uses money from the main account for things for herself she feels like she is taking away money to run the home month to month. So, the account she has allows her to spend on herself without feeling like she is creating a problem making ends meet for the month. Funny part thought is she usually spends her money on things for the house. She is not much into frivolous spending. It just works for us.


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## Hmock95 (May 27, 2016)

My husband and I have always had separate accounts, and most likely always will. 

I get quite a bit of grief from other married individuals when they hear we don't have a joint account, but sometimes it is for the best. I am very conservative with my money and he is not.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> Do you all have separate bank accounts? We had them before we were married, so we just kept it that way. But for some reason I feel that once you are married that everything should become "one".


When we wed, my intention was to put her name on my bank account. Fortunately, we moved and I had to work long hours at work, get groceries in, sort food out, clean/repair the home etc. This meant I did not have time to merge our accounts and pretty soon realized I could not trust her with a merged account. Luck comes in strange forms.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

We have separate accounts. 
Just easier for us. 
I've heard a lot about financial abuse, when it comes to joint accounts. 



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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I am my husband's second wife. He is my first (and will be my only) husband. Everything is joint and shared. As a married woman, I wouldn't accept any other arrangement. We're either all in or all out. No toe dipping or one foot out the door bs.


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

There is no excuse for being nieve when it comes to finances . The mere exercise of combining all monies and assets is dangerous and foolish , especially in any case where you don't really know the other person financial disciplines ........ When it comes time for the lawyers to make a case against you , the money thing is an easy argument and the most damaging issue to be confronted with . 
I'm against joint anything when it comes to money or assets .......... Love does not mean you agree to get screwed to the wall


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My first marriage, we had a joint checking and savings account and put all our earnings in it. It was fine for the most part but my ex was a spendthrift and I was always overruled when I disagreed over large expenses. He'd spend what he wanted, period.

Now my H and I have our own accounts, then a joint account for paying bills and joint purchases. It works out for us both. We both believe that money is fungible, however we are responsible for managing our own before contributing to the pot.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

We have joint accounts. My H handles the finances. I Do have a savings account that he has designated as being mine. Probably because I'm a SAHM he thinks i need/want it. He is tight on a dollar and I'm just the opposite although I'm getting better since we've had kids. When he gets paid we both get the same amount of cash spending money. Anything i spend beyond that is discussed with him first. For example the weather is just beginning to get warm here so I sent him a quick text that I was going clothes shopping for the kids because I knew I would be buying a lot. If he wants me to keep it to a certain amount he will let me know. 

Truthfully he complains about any amount of money I spend but I think he feels somehow obligated to do so, so it doesn't bother me. But I know he is always lookkng to build our savings I would never spend beyond his ability to do that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I am my husband's second wife. He is my first (and will be my only) husband. Everything is joint and shared. As a married woman, I wouldn't accept any other arrangement. We're either all in or all out. No toe dipping or one foot out the door bs.


Just out of curiosity who handles the finances in your relationship. Does the other spouse get to know what is going on with the finances?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just out of curiosity who handles the finances in your relationship. Does the other spouse get to know what is going on with the finances?


I can't speak for frusdil, but for us, I am the one who makes sure the bills are paid. If he is going somewhere that he may need to spend money, I inform him off the available amount in the account and if there is a possibility that any of it may be needed layer in the month. Usually, he spends less than $5, if any at all, though. We discuss everything, so we know what is coming in and what is going out. I always tell people that we ask if something is more than $5. In reality, we ask, regardless of the price. We makes sure the funds are actually available before we buy anything... no matter how small the purchase. For those who might comment on the "no matter how small the purchase"... note that I said *WE* agreed on this method. Neither of us has forced the other to comply. It was a mutual decision, so we could keep track of everything better. 

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Honda750 said:


> There is no excuse for being nieve when it comes to finances . The mere exercise of combining all monies and assets is dangerous and foolish , especially in any case where you don't really know the other person financial disciplines ........ When it comes time for the lawyers to make a case against you , the money thing is an easy argument and the most damaging issue to be confronted with .
> I'm against joint anything when it comes to money or assets .......... Love does not mean you agree to get screwed to the wall


Just because a couple decides to combine all finances doesn't make them naive. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with someone that it makes you think it's on to label everyone who does not follow your chosen path as foolish. Sorry, but when I married, it wasn't "his and hers", it became "ours". It's fine that you choose to keep your finances separate, but you ate wrong to tell someone that he or she is foolish for choosing something that works for them. 

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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

tech-novelist said:


> *I do all the account balancing and taxes, but I also maintain a file of instructions on how to get at everything if I'm unavailable either temporarily or permanently*.


This is Me in our marriage.. I handle all the finances..every bill, our CD's, his 401K, the one who changes our electric supplier, I have the Paypal account, everything has always been* Joint* for us.. When I get a new Credit card, he gets one too... I inform him where to use it so we can get the most $$ back.. 

I had a friend tell me I am the "Administrator" in our marriage.. my husband is all for this, saves him the hassle.. I handle all the phone calls, scheduling for our larger family... he just lives here. (ha ha.. I am kidding!)...No, he is the Primary Bread winner.. I bring in just a fraction of his pay. 

I compiled a large red binder with EVERYTHING in it.. all the websites, passwords, photo copy of every credit card, checking account #'s, every life insurance, College Id's for our sons/ websites for paying their loans, FAFSA pins, high school Id's, every utility, etc etc ... all gathered in this growing book...in the event something happens to me.. so he wouldn't be lost.. 

He's never worried about me taking care of business... I am never late on anything, very organized.. I refuse to pay interest on anything... . I'd be the 1st one complaining -ready to take a new job - if I felt we were digging too much into our savings...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

We have one joint account and then my W and I have separate checking accounts. It was easy, we simply transfer money into the joint account to cover household bills, and the money left in our individual accounts is for us to do as we please. Likewise, our investments accounts, some are in my name solely and some are in hers (heck, I am the one who set up the accounts in her name). Don't see any need to create a master joint account, and we have never had issues with how to handle our finances. I don't like the idea of combining all money into one account, I like each person to feel like they have money of their own to with as they please.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> We have one joint account and then my W and I have separate checking accounts. It was easy, we *simply transfer money into the joint account to cover household bills*, and the money left in our individual accounts is for us to do as we please. Likewise, our investments accounts, some are in my name solely and some are in hers (heck, I am the one who set up the accounts in her name). Don't see any need to create a master joint account, and we have never had issues with how to handle our finances. I don't like the idea of combining all money into one account, I like each person to feel like they have money of their own to with as they please.


That's basically what we do too. It's so much easier with online banking, was a lot trickier and required more attention back in the stone age.

Heck the reason my wife still sets up most payments dates back to paying paper bills with paper checks, she didn't work full time so did it.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

happynconfused said:


> Do you all have separate bank accounts? We had them before we were married, so we just kept it that way. But for some reason I feel that once you are married that everything should become "one".


As long as both spouses have access to all accounts within the marriage, I would say that it really is a matter of personal preference. Earlier in our marriage, my wife had a separate checking account that I deposited money into every month - she did not like me critiquing her purchases - I happen to be very tight with money as I did not grow up in a lucrative home like she did. She also had her own credit card. I never even thought to check these accounts - well, she lost control and hid debt from me. My wife has some quirks, and this is just one of them - but, I do love her despite these anyway.

Now, she has no credit cards of her own - we have joint cards and I have access to everything. We have two banks - with a checking and savings account at each. Our paychecks go into the bank checking account were we have our mortgage. From this main checking account, money is automatically transferred to the other banks checking and savings account. The second banks checking account is the food money - and this is what my wife uses for that. The savings account is for two purposes - first, we have money that comes out of this account and is automatically invested once per month. The second purpose, is I save money for car and house maintenance items that do not on a monthly basis. The main checking, were the paychecks go into - is used to pay mortgage, utilities, cell phones, cable, house alarm system plus any eating out that we do on credit cards, clothes purchases, and entertainment type activity Money is also transferred from the main checking at bank #1 in the savings account there - this is where I put the money that covers all car and home insurance plus college expenses for my kids. This savings is also where I keep six months worth of living expenses - so this account is the one with a high balance.

May sound complicated, but I have it down to a science. I keep a manual ledger that keeps up with the balance for all of these accounts. I also have an excel spreadsheet where I track every dollar charged on credit cards - I know how much we have to spend in the main checking account each month and make sure all of us keep it within the budget.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just out of curiosity who handles the finances in your relationship. Does the other spouse get to know what is going on with the finances?


Well, we both have full access to everything and either of us could really, but I pay the bills, mortgage etc. simply because I'm home and it saves him worrying about it. 

I file all the tax/superannuation/medical/banking stuff, hubby knows where it all is. He can look any time or log on to the bank account anytime and see where things are at.

We are both fully aware of who has what, where it is and how much of it there is.

If he had wanted us to have separate accounts that would have made me very uncomfortable. We're married, we're either all in or all out. That's how we see it. But that's us - everyone's different


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Well, we both have full access to everything and either of us could really, but I pay the bills, mortgage etc. simply because I'm home and it saves him worrying about it.
> 
> I file all the tax/superannuation/medical/banking stuff, hubby knows where it all is. He can look any time or log on to the bank account anytime and see where things are at.
> 
> ...


True. When I was married I had no access to the money or knowledge of it. Not a way I would love again so separate accounts for me or so long as I was running the accounts and paying the bills that would be ok too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CharlieParker said:


> That's basically what we do too. It's so much easier with online banking, was a lot trickier and required more attention back in the stone age.
> 
> Heck the reason my wife still sets up most payments dates back to paying paper bills with paper checks, she didn't work full time so did it.


When we first got married I simply set up a spreadsheet with my salary and hers. For all our monthly bills I would take whatever the prorata share of my salary to our combined salary, and that would be my portion of the bills to cover. Same for my W, transfer the amounts into our joint account to pay bills, and whatever was left in our individual accounts was ours to spend as we wanted. As my salary grew vs my Ws that meant I contributed more towards the bills.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> True. When I was married I had no access to the money or knowledge of it. Not a way I would love again so separate accounts for me or so long as I was running the accounts and paying the bills that would be ok too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh wow - that's not on, no way. I wouldn't have that either. 

If you did it the way you suggested above, with you running the accounts and paying the bills, would you give your wife access to the account? 

I do understand why some feel the way they do about separate accounts, I just wouldn't want that for my marriage that's all.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Oh wow - that's not on, no way. I wouldn't have that either.
> 
> If you did it the way you suggested above, with you running the accounts and paying the bills, would you give your wife access to the account?
> 
> I do understand why some feel the way they do about separate accounts, I just wouldn't want that for my marriage that's all.


Ohh absolutley. She would have full access to the accounts which I never had. I was completly in the dark which was the part I could stand.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Ohh absolutley. She would have full access to the accounts which I never had. I was completly in the dark which was the part I could stand.


I don't blame you! Holy cow! Especially as you were the one earning the money...not saying it wasn't family money...but geez...shutting the breadwinner out of the accounts is just not on.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I don't blame you! Holy cow! Especially as you were the one earning the money...not saying it wasn't family money...but geez...shutting the breadwinner out of the accounts is just not on.


It seems like I'm talking about a different person because I really am from that guy 7 years ago but I can tell you this, I went years and years and had no concept of what I even made. never saw my paychecks once they were electronically deposited lol


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> When we first got married I simply set up a spreadsheet with my salary and hers. For all our monthly bills I would take whatever the prorata share of my salary to our combined salary, and that would be my portion of the bills to cover. Same for my W, transfer the amounts into our joint account to pay bills, and whatever was left in our individual accounts was ours to spend as we wanted. As my salary grew vs my Ws that meant I contributed more towards the bills.


* swoons * you had me at spreadsheet. We're not that formal, after paying most of the "smaller" bills she'll come to the rewards credit card we try put everything on and text, "the card is $x, I have $y". I'll look at the joint account and make up the difference. 

I do put money into a separate savings account for the property taxes. We live in NY, so that is a lot.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> It seems like I'm talking about a different person because I really am from that guy 7 years ago but I can tell you this, I went years and years and had no concept of what I even made. never saw my paychecks once they were electronically deposited lol


But you trusted your wife...it sounds like you married young. Especially if she was a SAHM, it made sense for her to run that side of things, you had no reason at the time to question anything. I completely get why your perspective is so different now...mine likely would be too.

You view things through a filter of someone who's been married before, whereas I view things through a filter of someone who hasn't  I'm honestly quite surprised in a way that my husband isn't touchy about this stuff, but then I guess I didn't come into this with nothing - I bought a house, super and two cars into this relationship.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CharlieParker said:


> * swoons * you had me at spreadsheet. We're not that formal, after paying most of the "smaller" bills she'll come to the rewards credit card we try put everything on and text, "the card is $x, I have $y". I'll look at the joint account and make up the difference.
> 
> *I do put money into a separate savings account for the property taxes. We live in NY, so that is a lot*.


The bolded, oh yeah, I know what you are talking about  I don't escrow so I need to make sure I have that aside as well (actually just paid my 2nd half yesterday since they are due on the 31st. As you know, prop taxes here blow lol).


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> But you trusted your wife...it sounds like you married young. Especially if she was a SAHM, it made sense for her to run that side of things, you had no reason at the time to question anything. I completely get why your perspective is so different now...mine likely would be too.
> 
> You view things through a filter of someone who's been married before, whereas I view things through a filter of someone who hasn't  I'm honestly quite surprised in a way that my husband isn't touchy about this stuff, but then I guess I didn't come into this with nothing - I bought a house, super and two cars into this relationship.


Ohh she was no SAHM. She refused that. She had her own job just felt she was better at handling money than I would be. Which was ludicrous because I am a saver by nature. Truth was she wanted to be able to spend on whatever whenever and never have to talk about it. I wasn't so fortunate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I should add, I can definitely understand the trust issues some have with having separate accounts, especially based on some of the horror stories I have read here. It has never been an issue for my W or I, and I have never tried to hide any accounts from her. I actually put together a list of all our accounts just in case something did happen to me she knew where everything is. Also going to meet with a lawyer in the next few weeks to set up a living trust / will.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We have small separate checking/savings accounts, and a joint account. Almost everything goes into the joint account. Some accounts must be separate, such as IRAs, of course. And my IRA from before we got married is solely mine. Of course, as long as we stay married, withdrawals from that account will be used for our joint benefit, but she would have no claim on it in case of a divorce. Same with an inheritance, as long as the money isn't commingled.

We also have separate credit cards, to maintain our own credit ratings, but for most of the cards we put each other on as authorized users, and everything is paid from the joint account anyway.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

ChargingCharlie said:


> We have a joint checking/savings account, and she has a couple savings accounts that she has part of her paycheck deposited into (these are the accounts that she uses to make "loans" to a certain family member who won't live within their means, but we need to support this person anyway).
> 
> My business partner and I also have a large account at work which we don't touch - she doesn't see it because if she did, she'd want to spend it. She knows that my partner and I have the office accounts, but she thinks we need it for operations, when it's more because we don't want our wives to spend it.


Make sure it's not a JWRS account and only with TIC account. So, if you died your family can get your share of the funds.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> I should add, I can definitely understand the trust issues some have with having separate accounts, especially based on some of the horror stories I have read here. It has never been an issue for my W or I, and I have never tried to hide any accounts from her. I actually put together a list of all our accounts just in case something did happen to me she knew where everything is. Also going to meet with a lawyer in the next few weeks to set up a living trust / will.


This is a great idea Ellis. I did this a few weeks ago because a young lady we know is dying and her parents have no idea where anything is. She is in a coma and they are running around trying to figure out where she keeps her money and what to do with her house etc.

I made a list of all our accounts with passwords and person to speak to. I also, downloaded a change of beneficiary and a change of account name info for my DD and H to do incase I die. I left detailed information on CCards and life insurance policies and investment account and 401k. I made a copy of the deeds for the houses and a copy of the wills and trust. 

I also, gave my BF a copy of everything I gave my DD because she is one of my executor and trustee of my kids trust. This way everyone knows where everything is. So, if I die, they will know exactly where to go and what to do. They don't have to second guess anything. 

Now my H has to follow my plan and don't marry a woman before everything is taken care of and died and she gets everything. :grin2:


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Ohh she was no SAHM. She refused that. She had her own job just felt she was better at handling money than I would be. Which was ludicrous because I am a saver by nature. Truth was she wanted to be able to spend on whatever whenever and never have to talk about it. I wasn't so fortunate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow that's shocking that she had that attitude! I'm gobsmacked.

How do you and your gf manage your money now? I know you're not married but you're living together, does that make a difference to you?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

You say this however; imagine you were married over 20 years. You saved not only a retirement but have a decent chunk in the bank in the form of cash, a house in your name, a rental property, a sizeable retirement account.

Now you get married. Are you going to just add them to your accounts and put them on the deed and title of your stuff that you worked a long time to achieve?

Think hard about this. If you then divorce in 2 years that person you were in love with can then get half off all of that. Put them on your account with full access to your money and can clean you out of cash.

If you ever get divorced and have assets you'll think twice before just signing away rights to someone else. 




frusdil said:


> Oh wow - that's not on, no way. I wouldn't have that either.
> 
> If you did it the way you suggested above, with you running the accounts and paying the bills, would you give your wife access to the account?
> 
> I do understand why some feel the way they do about separate accounts, I just wouldn't want that for my marriage that's all.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Wow that's shocking that she had that attitude! I'm gobsmacked.
> 
> How do you and your gf manage your money now? I know you're not married but you're living together, does that make a difference to you?


Ohh we are completely separate now. She takes care of a few household expenses and pays me a few hundred a month. In all she pays less than 1/2 toward the monthly costs to run the household but I am ok with our arrangement. 

I am really good with money and a saver by nature I found. Since my divorce I have been able to get completely out of debt and save a lot. I couldn't voluntarily give up the control of managing the money ever again but I also wouldn't keep it secret either.
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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> You say this however; imagine you were married over 20 years. You saved not only a retirement but have a decent chunk in the bank in the form of cash, a house in your name, a rental property, a sizeable retirement account.
> 
> Now you get married. Are you going to just add them to your accounts and put them on the deed and title of your stuff that you worked a long time to achieve?
> 
> ...


I asked my sister about that. Her husband's name is on her account and her name is on his, so they both are able to access each other's accounts. The house is in her name only because of the cost to add him. Otherwise, his name would be on it, too. This is her second husband, of whom I am speaking. I asked her, point blank, if it was because she, as you put it, "worked so hard for all of it"... her response? Absolutely not. She would like his name on the house. If they had the extra money to do it, it would be there. 

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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Very traditional here and everything has been jointly held from the very beginning. No issues over all these years. However, if I were marrying today, separate accounts and finances along with a pre-nup agreement.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

jdawg2015 said:


> You say this however; imagine you were married over 20 years. You saved not only a retirement but have a decent chunk in the bank in the form of cash, a house in your name, a rental property, a sizeable retirement account.
> 
> Now you get married. Are you going to just add them to your accounts and put them on the deed and title of your stuff that you worked a long time to achieve?
> 
> ...


I do understand why a lot people feel that way. I said earlier that I'm honestly surprised that my husband isn't more touchy about this subject, given that he's been married and divorced.

When we updated our wills, he had my name put on the title of the house, to protect me from his family in the event that anything should happen to him. His family don't like me and would be in like flynn to come after the house.

He's not at all concerned about my stepdaughter, and he knows that she will always have a home with me should she ever need it, and when I go she'll get the house and everything in it.

I also have a house that I built before I was married, his name's not on that title, but only because of the cost involved to do so because it's not our marital home. If it didn't cost, his name would be on it. In the event of my death, it goes to him as per my will - but my family wouldn't give him any trouble over it, and I know he'll always look after my mum 

If we were to divorce, in all honesty I'd likely just move back to my old house, taking what I brought to this house with me and he'd stay on in our home (it was his before we married). He'd have to pay my mortgage for say 3 months while I found work but that's all I'd ask of him. We've only been married 3 years. Had we been married 30 I'd likely feel different.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Something to consider not knowing her situation adding him to the house could be a win for her if there is no equity, a lien, etc. it could actually be to her financial advantage to add him.

I don't mind sharing what is built together but I am not giving away something that took decades to earn and save for because of a marriage certificate.

People have strong opinions about it but divorce law and statistics makes me think people should be very careful before signing away assets.

I had a coworker whose wife cheated on him. He had a big chunk of land given too him during the 5 or 6 years he was married to her. Land was a result of his mother passing.

During the divorce instead of doing the right thing and leaving the family land to him he was forced to sell it or he would have had to get it subdivided.

So should she have inherited that money? I don't think it's right morally but it was considered a marital asset.

This kind of stuff happens every day unfortunately.



Maricha75 said:


> jdawg2015 said:
> 
> 
> > You say this however; imagine you were married over 20 years. You saved not only a retirement but have a decent chunk in the bank in the form of cash, a house in your name, a rental property, a sizeable retirement account.
> ...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> Something to consider not knowing her situation adding him to the house could be a win for her if there is no equity, a lien, etc. it could actually be to her financial advantage to add him.
> 
> I don't mind sharing what is built together but I am not giving away something that took decades to earn and save for because of a marriage certificate.
> 
> People have strong opinions about it but divorce law and statistics makes me think people should be very careful before signing away assets.


I did state that the only reason his name is not on the house is because they do not have the money for those fees available. For them, it isn't even about whether it would be advantageous or not. It is their home. Theirsite. Not hers. Not his. Theirs. Her ex-husband had been on it before. When they divorced (no fault state, but he had cheated), the house went to my sister. She had physical custody of the kids and they had joint legal custody. They lived together, in that house, less than 5 years, I believe, though they were married 10 years. He's stated that it isn't pressing, and if anything happened to my sister, he wouldn't want to live there, anyway. Not without her. So, financial advantage means nothing to either of them.

I do agree that couples need to discuss these things, at length. Perhaps, if signing a prenup, have it state that any inheritance belongs solely to the one who inherits, should they divorce. Anyway, it should be discussed, and thought out. But I don't think there is anything wrong with a couple choosing to combine all assets, if they wish.



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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

There is no right or wrong answer. 

I just know that love can quickly go sour and regret of giving away years of savings or an asset can lead to financial problems.

My house and rental property are nearly mortgage free. Even if I remarried it would be many years before I would let that asset be not be willed to my daughter. And I certainly would not put her on the deed so she could lay her hands on it if relationship failed and give her a windfall.



Maricha75 said:


> I did state that the only reason his name is not on the house is because they do not have the money for those fees available. For them, it isn't even about whether it would be advantageous or not. It is their home. Theirsite. Not hers. Not his. Theirs. Her ex-husband had been on it before. When they divorced (no fault state, but he had cheated), the house went to my sister. She had physical custody of the kids and they had joint legal custody. They lived together, in that house, less than 5 years, I believe, though they were married 10 years. He's stated that it isn't pressing, and if anything happened to my sister, he wouldn't want to live there, anyway. Not without her. So, financial advantage means nothing to either of them.
> 
> I do agree that couples need to discuss these things, at length. Perhaps, if signing a prenup, have it state that any inheritance belongs solely to the one who inherits, should they divorce. Anyway, it should be discussed, and thought out. But I don't think there is anything wrong with a couple choosing to combine all assets, if they wish.
> 
> ...


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## Honda750 (Feb 12, 2015)

You are very wise and sane ..........


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

We have a joint account where the majority of our money goes and all bills come out of, then we each have separate checking accounts where around 10% of the money goes. Spending money, gifts, walk around money...

ETA - oops young zombie thread sorry folks


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