# Heads a mess



## needadvicequickly (May 21, 2010)

I've come on here to try and sort my head out, so any helpful advice will be greatfully recieved.

Firstly I'd like to say I'm not proud of what I've done so please dont judge me 

A bit of background info first, I've been married for 3 yrs but have been with my partner for 13 years in total and we have 2 wonderful kids together age 8 and 4.

Although we have been together for a long time I would say I havent been really happy since we got married for a number of reasons:
Sex has more or less stopped since the birth of our last child 
My wife works nights 3 nights of the week, so we dont see each other, as I go out to she comes in and vice versa.
She very very rarely shows me any affection, it all seems to come from me making the first move.
Most of the time it feels like I'm only about for the financial gains she gets from me having a good job.

Overall I generally feel unloved and because of this for the last 3 months I have been having an affair with an ex work colleague (shes single, but has recently come out of a long term relationship). 
I never set out for this to happen (although I will admit I was attracted to her) as I originally just needed a shoulder to cry on, but one thing has led to another and we both now have very strong feelings for each other and she asked me to leave my wife. 

But now I really dont know what to do for the best. My head says I have to end this affair and try and move on and sort my marriage out and give my kids the life they deserve. But my heart is telling me I want to be with with this other woman.

I will add I do feel that I love my wife dearly, but I cant ever remember feeling like I do about this other woman.

What should I do? I've gone over it a thousand times and really need some help


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Hmm...didn't you have really strong feelings about your wife at some point too?

If instead of working on your current marriage, if you go off and try to start this new relationship (which will have embedded problems because she will certainly know you will cheat...), what makes you think your relationship with the new toy will be any better several years down the road than it is now with your wife?


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## maplesky (May 14, 2010)

Hi... I've never been through this in either of my marriages, but my parents went through this exact same thing. The outcome was that my mother married the OM and they've been really happy ever since. They are honestly perfect together. Sadly, the other outcome was that my father was suicidal and got over that to become engaged 4 more times, and married 3 times out of those 4 engagements. My two cents as a child of divorce, an only child, and having watched this unfold (I was a teenager): 

1. Tell your wife if you haven't already.
2. Seek counseling for you and your wife. 
3. Seek counseling for your kids.
4. Resolve your marital issues now.
5. Don't keep both relationships at the same time. 

A very difficult place to be in.... I will not judge as both of my parents have moved on and are in happy, committed relationships. I too have survived. However, the whole process could have been a lot less painful (read: it still affects me and both of my parents to this day) and fair for everyone if, if, and if...


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Will rethink response


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## needadvicequickly (May 21, 2010)

Firstly thankyou for all the replys.

No I haven't spoken to my wife about things. I have made the decision to talk about it to her tonight.

If I'm completely honest, No I dont think I ever felt like I do about OW about my wife.

Just because I have regular coochie elsewhere doesnt mean I dont want my marriage to work. I love my wife and my kids and although I've cheated really dont want to do anything to hurt them.

I never went out looking to have an affair this only came about because I have needs and they weren't being fulfilled at home. I arent making excuses because I know what I've done is wrong. I also know that I'm far from perfect, so i may well be contributing to alot of the issues above. 

Once again thanks for the advice, I will let you know how I get on after speaking to my wife about things tonight


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