# 1000 + texts.... 2 weeks



## birdoosa (Mar 4, 2011)

Well I've basically stumbled upon something that I had a sinking feeling about but never acted on, because of previous similar issues, I was trying to be trusting.
I got an email from ATT about an address change that we did 2 months ago. I login to the online page to check it's all in order (we recently moved) and happen to stumble upon 1000+ texts in the past 2 weeks with one number? From 8 AM to 10:30 PM, often after the I went to sleep. I was gone a while day with my kids and there were 121 texts back and forth.
2000+ previous month from the bill in the trash
1000+ the month before that same source....
When I confronted her about it, She says he's just an old friend from work... the same place she was working when I dated her for 2 years. Immediately after, I got every justification under the sun that it was my fault. I am not in any sense of the term a bad husband. I work from home, raise our two kids in a great area. I never go out and never leave any doubt as to my fidelity to her. Take her out as often as I can find time away from the kids / afford to. I help out with daily chores and keeping the house clean. I cook meals and clean up. Hell, I even make the bed at least 4 times a week!
Without getting any feeling or sense of truth from her, 
I told her last night that I was leaving with the kids or that she had to leave.

So she texts, and talks to him, with confirmed lunch meeting(s)?
That can be friendly and innocent right?
Please someone help me believe that it can?
I'm not naive, but if there is ANY explanation outside of what my mind is running over as a worst case scenario, I'd love to hear it, even though it's highly unlikely.

A marriage of 9 years and a relationship of 13 years with 2 young preschool age children are all involved in this ugliness and I can't see anything but ugliness.
I know no one is responsible to do so but... 
Help please.


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## lpycb42 (Feb 19, 2011)

I'm going to be completely honest with you. If you found out about the texting by chance, then it's possible that it isn't friendly and innocent. If it was, she would have no problem telling you about him and she wouldn't make up excuses for seeing him. Thing is, if you have to hide your actions from your partner, then you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing. I'm not saying she's sleeping with him or anything. But she could be trying to find in him something that is missing with you. I think you should sit down and have a chat with her. Why is she having secret meetings with this man? What is she getting from it? Talk.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

No dude, Your not mistaken. 

Calm down, quiet yourself. 

The gazelle's now know there is a lion in the field.

Wait. Watch. Stalk.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

"Every justification under the sun that it was my fault".
So, she admits to an affair?


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## kristinlloyd (Apr 22, 2010)

I totally agree with lpycb42. Talking is the best option for you right now. You should probably sit down with her and try to get some answers. If she lies or is dishonest about things that you already know are true, there is something else going on. Honesty is the best policy and if she is hiding something, it's probably not good news. 
Next question is, if she is doing something, what do you want to do about it? What do you want to see happen? Would you want to go to therapy? Would you want to end it? Obviously if she is/was doing something wrong or is/was unfaithful, there will be serious trust issues. However, there are apparent trust issues now, since you've found the bill and thousands of unknown txts have surfaced. 
The best thing to do is be up front and honest about your feelings and find out what is going on with her. Beware however, that if she is something going on, she might try to "defend" her actions by making up excuses.
So sorry that you are going through this and best of luck to you!!
~Kristin 




lpycb42 said:


> I'm going to be completely honest with you. If you found out about the texting by chance, then it's possible that it isn't friendly and innocent. If it was, she would have no problem telling you about him and she wouldn't make up excuses for seeing him. Thing is, if you have to hide your actions from your partner, then you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing. I'm not saying she's sleeping with him or anything. But she could be trying to find in him something that is missing with you. I think you should sit down and have a chat with her. Why is she having secret meetings with this man? What is she getting from it? Talk.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

OK, 

i got $5 on her being a quality time person

and $10,000 on you being an Acts of service person.

Pick up the 5 love languages, see why you guys keep missing the affection from each other. 

As for what this means.. the texts... figure 10 words average per text.. times 2000. Do you know how many pages 20,000 words is? Well in college i got about 300 on a page.. so about 70. 70 pages of conversation. That should give you a perspective of what you are dealing with. I fear the worst.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Listen to twotime, I ordered the Love Language book today, and I am totally looking forward to the read.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Wipe your ass with the love language book and get a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

You sound just like me bro. I'm certainly not in a good place right now as my wife just decided that she no longer wants to be married. Twotime is right though. 

My wife did the exact same thing. Then when I confront her about it, she says it's just a friend. My story is on here somewhere. In this thread. It's too much to dig it up right now as I am still in the middle of it, but I present you this: 
How can she talk to someone that much and have no connection with them? 
She can't.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

While your at the book store, stop by RadioShack and pick up a voice activated recorder, keylogger, and GPS. Besides the books which will help both of you the PI equipment will validate her loyalty or lack of. 

Once you can confront the deceit and prove the inappropreaite behavior, then you might have a good chance and getting her to admit somethings wrong.

Once she admits and has to confess to somethings she will HOPEFULY get on board and work with you on some of the great books that are out there.

Why does she need to read the marraige books if there isn't a problem right? Well you show her the problem with hard eveidence (black and white) then the both of you can work together.

So I agree there is awsome info out there that has helped me, but my W was not going to admit anything until I showed her that I "knew". Once she knew... I knew then we were able to make some great progress in rebuilding the f*cked up marraige.

PI are expencesive. So make a copy of the bills and quitly do some more investigation and see whats what. 

Besides the texting are there any other red flags;coming home late, alot of girls nights out, dressing sexier, unexplained gifts, anaccountable time away from home, and just plain old secretiveness and flappy excusses?


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

Yeah, get the book but at the same time, install the keystroke logger on every computer in your house. If she's making up excuses like that, especially when she knows that it would trigger suspicion upon discovery, what else is she willing to hide? Hope for the best but prepare for the worst...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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