# Oh how the tables have turned!



## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

Wow is about all I can say.

Turns out I am the other man in someone else's marriage.

After having been burned by women several times over the last few years I decided it was time to just have fun, no strings dating and hanging out, thought it was morally right to screen them a little, just ask out right "are you in a relationship?" Yes = move on, No = getting naked and hanging out.

Thank god I live 2 hours away from them and that my company has moved me out of that area for work as of tomorrow.

But I need a bit of advice, do I cut and run or face them and defend my position as a deceived party in this whole fiasco?

Any thoughts or ideas greatly appreciated.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You inform the husband and move on with your life. There is no need for you to "defend" your position.


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

Oh he knows, turned up at my hotel on Friday night, he must have followed her, I had a box of condoms, a hot Chinese and a bottle of wine, had a great time planned it went South big style and I am not happy about the way this has panned out.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Peter/ said:


> Oh he knows, turned up at my hotel on Friday night, he must have followed her, I had a box of condoms, a hot Chinese and a bottle of wine, had a great time planned it went South big style and I am not happy about the way this has panned out.


And what do you hope to get out of defending your position to the husband? He won't give a **** if you knew or not. It will just cause more pain and drama all around. Leave them alone.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Just ghost her from now on. Might pay to get tested for STDs in case you weren’t the only AP. She was cheating on her husband, she could have been cheating with others.
If her BS does contact you for further information, Be truthful to him and give him the information that he asks. He is sorting out his mind. 
One day at a time.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I would just disappear.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Peter/ said:


> Oh he knows, turned up at my hotel on Friday night, he must have followed her, I had a box of condoms, a hot Chinese and a bottle of wine, had a great time planned it went South big style and I am not happy about the way this has panned out.


What's left to do them, move on.

You realize just because you are the other man doesn't mean this women is just like all the other women who burned you in the past right? Same exact kind of women. What position exactly? It's the same as before, you hooked up with an asshole.

The tables didn't turn you switched chairs at the table. Same table.

Maybe you need to check your picker.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

If you message him, I would just let him know that you asked if she was in a relationship. That she said that she wasn’t.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You should take your licks and leave.

It's no different.

Its the same as before, only now you can't go back for more pleasant licks.

.........................................................................

Live and learn, and grin.
And, thank your stars that you did not get shot.


_King Brian-_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hopefully you didn't have time to fall for her? So move on.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

If Husband already knows, just get out of Dodge.
Lick your wounds and vet your conquests better in the future.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You are some kind of magnet.....


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Honestly, I would just apologize, let it be known you thought she was single and ask if there was anything he'd like to know. Cheaters love to lie and minimize the truth. Offering to let him KNOW the truth might be the only way he really gets to know what his wife was up to. I know many won't agree. I had the opportunity to speak to my husbands AP on the phone for 2 hours. I know she didn't tell me everything. Seemed she was pretty open about most things, but cagey about others. But I got WAY more from her then my husband would tell me.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

There is nothing to defend, what happened was wrong. You have no fault and no need to explain or apologize IMO. That’s your ego and pride talking, because you got burned again. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain, but pettiness and drama. Always remember, men can act a fool and you have no idea what she has spun to make you the bad guy. 

End all contact with her now, on all platforms,


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

He already knows she’s cheating and he’s a dude so he understands other dudes get’n some tail when the opportunity presents itself. 

Nothing really to do here but brush the dirt off your shoulders and keep on dating and meeting other chicks.

This was on her.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

How often do people lie about their relationships in NSA situations?

I personally am shocked, absolutely shocked, that someone would lie.

Wow is about all I can say.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I think it's important that you tell him the truth.

The liar he married is no doubt very busy painting the narrative that YOU manipulated her, that YOU tricked her, that YOU made this all happen.

I see this nonsense being said here on TAM a lot - betrayed husbands actually blaming the guy their wives were screwing around with and believing the utter bull-**** their wives told them about how they were _victimized _by the big, bad predator who manipulated them and took advantage of them when they were 'vulnerable.' Oh brother.

And some of those fools have actually gone over to the guy's house to "protect" their women by telling the guy to stay away or threatening him to stay away because their wives sure weren't staying away from their "predators," now were they?

The *delusion* of some betrayed men is unreal.

Tell her husband the *truth*, he deserves to KNOW it. Don't let him becomes yet another fool believing his sweet and innocent little wife was "taken advantage of" by the big, bad predator. 

Pffffft.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would suggest that you get to know the women you date better before you sleep with them. Many people lie sadly. 
I would appologise to him and say that she said she was single and leave it here. I hope he throws her out.


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> You are some kind of magnet.....


I have been working on getting fitter, losing some weight and smartening myself up, why they like me is beyond me, yokel farmer type who reads the Times lol

TBH I'm quite sick of it, I really liked her, there was just something about her.

He contacted my company and my boss was unimpressed but I was honest from the get go and he understands, he also knows my past so he knows I'm genuinely not looking to bang other guys women.

I wonder what normal relationships are like?


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

LosingHim said:


> Honestly, I would just apologize, let it be known you thought she was single and ask if there was anything he'd like to know. Cheaters love to lie and minimize the truth. Offering to let him KNOW the truth might be the only way he really gets to know what his wife was up to. I know many won't agree. I had the opportunity to speak to my husbands AP on the phone for 2 hours. I know she didn't tell me everything. Seemed she was pretty open about most things, but cagey about others. But I got WAY more from her then my husband would tell me.


Such a considered post and thank you, I just want to be honest with him as I know that my own incidents of being cheated on left scars and so many unanswered questions that haunted my mind in the weakest of days, I don't want to rub it in that she was cheating on him to be with me, I want him to know it was her making moves on me that started it, I want him to know that she denied her marriage, she wore no ring, not even a tan line was visible, I want him to know how long it lasted and to have the facts without her BS gas lighting and arse covering to stop herself being kicked to the kerb.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Peter/ said:


> I have been working on getting fitter, losing some weight and smartening myself up, why they like me is beyond me, yokel farmer type who reads the Times lol
> 
> TBH I'm quite sick of it, I really liked her, there was just something about her.
> 
> ...


He contacted your boss??? Wow. I hadn’t even considered doing that to the AP. Did you explain to him the situation when you saw him at the hotel?


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## Peter/ (Aug 27, 2017)

QuietRiot said:


> He contacted your boss??? Wow. I hadn’t even considered doing that to the AP. Did you explain to him the situation when you saw him at the hotel?


In all honesty I was a little preoccupied with trying to keep my teeth in tact.

I wrote an honest letter to him explaining myself to him and offering him the chance to meet up in a public setting, sadly due to BoZo and his BS we cancelled the face to face and tonight we had a long phone call.

Damn that was hard, I had nothing to hide and told him everything that had happened, he broke down and sobbed, she told him the opposite and disclosed barely 1/3rd of our encounters.

I am now certain that there is much more to my own past and that I must accept that I will never know the full truth.

I guess, if she hasn't already packed then she will be very soon!!!


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Peter/ said:


> In all honesty I was a little preoccupied with trying to keep my teeth in tact.
> 
> I wrote an honest letter to him explaining myself to him and offering him the chance to meet up in a public setting, sadly due to BoZo and his BS we cancelled the face to face and tonight we had a long phone call.
> 
> ...


Well I’m glad you did, regardless of him trying to sabotage you. He deserved to know the story, and obviously she wasn’t going to ever tell him. At least his decisions are informed now. I’m proud of you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I have done a lot of wrong, but the wrong I wouldn't do is sex with a married man. And then it happened. 

A dear "friend" I'd known since childhood and lost touch with a couple years prior came knocking on my door. Last I'd seen him, he was married to another dear friend I'd known since childhood. Their marriage was on the rocks as of the last time I'd seen him, he wasn't wearing a ring, and said he and my other friend had split up permanently. I had no reason not to believe him. After all, we'd been friends since we first turned teenaged and for years into adulthood. 

So, we hung out, had a few drinks, talked, and ended up having (mediocre) sex.

His wife came knocking on my door wondering if I'd seen him. Apparently, they were still together and he'd taken off on her and the kids. She was trying to track him down and someone else told her he might have come to see me, so, yeah. I ended up having to tell her I'd had sex with her husband because he'd told me they weren't married anymore.

I got to act as process server when she divorced him.

I have zero guilt over the incident. I didn't know, didn't have reason to be suspicious, and did the right thing as soon as I found out he'd lied. In this matter, my conscience is clear.

In my faith, a person isn't guilty of sin unless they A) know it's a sin and B) willfully do it anyway. Even for the non-religious I think this is a useful way to think about committing wrongs and how to handle your conscience. You didn't know and you wouldn't have done it if you did know. You didn't do anything wrong other than fail to vet her. This sin isn't yours to carry.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

She was someone you worked with? That’s a big no no.


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