# Child can never have a good time



## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

First want to say my son is spoiled by his grandparents. I would say 40k in gifts and toys, he is only 5. His mother and i don't buy him toys because his grandparents. They take him on trips and vacations. It's both sets of grandparents, I have ask them to stop but they can't. I think it's a addiction for him and them. He enjoys nothing and never has a good time doing anything. I'm sure some one has advice.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Tell the grandparents NO! Tell them you will not allow them to give him gifts except on Birthdays and Christmas, and they need to be within a certain price range. Tell them 1 trip a year other than visits to their home. If they can't agree to this, then you will stop all visits and only allow them to see him at your home. No gifts will be smuggled in. Tell them you are worried that he is being spoiled and never has to work to earn anything as they hand it all to them.

Be the parent - it may piss off the grandparents - but which is more important?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Yes. Say no. This is your child not theirs.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is dangerous, sooner or later your child may start disrespecting your authority in favor of his grandparents who continually bribes him. As such, I agree with TNgirl


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some ideas...

Ask them to give fewer and less expensive gifts and to put the money that they want to spend on him in savings for him.

If the keep giving him huge amounts of toys... donate them to charity and you take the tax write off.

Teach him to be charitable by talking him to a hospital or shelter to give excess toys to kids who are more needy than he.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Can you talk more about him never enjoying things?


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

Everything is boring to him.


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

Also he likes nothing you buy for him. If you take Him to a event he want to go see when you get there he wants to leave.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yikes! This doesn't sound positive or healthy for a 5 year old at all!

Time for limits, restrictions, boundaries, and clear age appropriate expectations about behavior that includes gratitude. Instruct, insist, expect, inspect and reward.


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Yikes! This doesn't sound positive or healthy for a 5 year old at all!
> 
> Time for limits, restrictions, boundaries, and clear age appropriate expectations about behavior that includes gratitude. Instruct, insist, expect, inspect and reward.


Time for me to have a talk with his grandparents. My wife and I don't buy him gift or toys. His grandparents buy him toys couple times a week. Example the wood beside our home are being cut down and sold for lumber. He does get excited about watch the bull dozers, trucks and heavy equipment. He wanted toys of all the equipment he was watching, I told him to do good at school and I would buy him some toy logging stuff. His grandparent went over the weekend and purchased him all the toys . One of the toys cost over 500$ I was pissed off. I think it's so stupid to spend that on a toy.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

cheese puff said:


> Time for me to have a talk with his grandparents. My wife and I don't buy him gift or toys. His grandparents buy him toys couple times a week. Example the wood beside our home are being cut down and sold for lumber. He does get excited about watch the bull dozers, trucks and heavy equipment. He wanted toys of all the equipment he was watching, I told him to do good at school and I would buy him some toy logging stuff. His grandparent went over the weekend and purchased him all the toys . One of the toys cost over 500$ I was pissed off. I think it's so stupid to spend that on a toy.


It absolutely is stupid!

Not only does it teach your son very bad habits about being entitled to get whatever he wants, but it denies you and your wife the joy of being able to give him things too.

You're going to have to be very firm with them, maybe even deny access to your son if they can't respect your wishes.

I had to do this with my mother. It was a constant battle until my other siblings finally started having kids. Maybe you could get your siblings to step up and supply some grand kids take the pressure off you...


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

It's more my wife's mom doing it. Hell my wife does not enjoy anything either. Maybe a genetic genetic disorder but my wife was abused in every way as a child. I think her mom is trying to make it up to our kids.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

When we have everything we want, and even things we don't want, it takes away the ability to look forward to things, to dream, to imagine. It is so harmful. The mind needs to be able to look forward to things, to plan and dream. Constant instant gratification becomes empty.

In addition to that your son is not learning self denial, gratitude or responsible spending. Your son is going to learn and grow to be a selfish, ungrateful, entitled brat. What is happening is a form of abuse and it must stop.

Limits need to be set yesterday. Grandparents may give one gift at Christmas and one on birthday. THAT IS IT. Why is a 5 year old going on trips? No more trips. As stated in an earlier post. If they won't capitulate, they will loose visitation rights. 

Pack up most of his toys and donate them. Then start teaching him the value of work and money.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Speak to the grandparents; explain that their actions are harming the relationship between you and harming the child directly.

Lay down ground rules as to what gifts are acceptable, if they want to give more then ask them to pay into a college fund or similar. If they wish to spend money doing things together then ask them to look at sponsoring (child or animal "adoption") in the child’s name, if the child could take part in choosing the charity reading the letters together with them it would be a great life experience for him.

My grandparents did not have lots of money to spread around the grandchildren but they did host us for holiday weekends so that we could get to know them and parents could have a few days to themselves. 

Remind the grandparents that showing your love does not have to be about material things.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell the grandparents you are going to start taking whatever they give him aside from birthday and Christmas (if you celebrate) and give it away. Then DO IT!

As for your son, how much time does he spend without a tv or computer or video game on? How much time does he spend with books? How many hours a week are you spending one on one with him doing things like hiking, playing ball, sailing boats, whatever?


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

turnera said:


> Tell the grandparents you are going to start taking whatever they give him aside from birthday and Christmas (if you celebrate) and give it away. Then DO IT!
> 
> As for your son, how much time does he spend without a tv or computer or video game on? How much time does he spend with books? How many hours a week are you spending one on one with him doing things like hiking, playing ball, sailing boats, whatever?


my son almost never watches tv and never ever play video games we dont even own gaming system. he loves to play card games and i read a book to him every week night (Homework but he loves it). his mother and i play a few hands of cards with him at night. he plays outside for hours every day. We have to about force him to come in at night. he wants me to get a lawn chair and set with him for hours why he plays (grandparents do this). I dont mind spending time with him a few hrs a night but he demands all your time with him. if he dont he will cry and even break stuff. i put him in timeout for 5 to 10 min. he does love something controlling everyone around him and he has his grandparents undercontrol. Over the weekend we went to the fair/carnival he hated it. this was something his mother and i had been looking foward to doing as a family he wanted to go home. he basically ruined it for everyone else. i told my wife im not taking him anywhere until he can enjoy stuff. We are going to find a baby sitter that he can stay with because it make me mad to see him ruine his sister fun.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

An interesting kid. Maybe you need more structured time with him? Not just 'playing' outside but maybe a game where you both are participating? Sounds like he needs more hands-on stimulation. (as well as some stricter consequences)


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It also sounds like he doesn't know how to amuse himself without toys or someone else. As a kid I remember playing in the woods by the river and all I had was a bucket and a big spoon. I would make pies, snap twigs into forks, make flower necklaces... all sorts of stuff that was great for imagination. 

He needs LESS toys and more time to be imaginative. Nothing with motors, bells or whistles. At his age blocks, legos and a few trucks and character dolls should be his optimum toys. 

When playing, ask him about what is going on. Get his imagination going. What is the truck grading for? A new airport? To make a mountain? etc.

Like everyone else here, the grandparents need to be told NO MORE and no sneaking to him. Trips are great if he learns stuff from them. But kids should be learning how to be have in public, to open doors, let adults go first, ask permission for things, learn to wait in lines, etc. So it depends on the kinds of trips they take him on. But I'd focus on what he saw/learned while out and instead of telling him to be a good boy when he goes, be more specific like "remember to stay in your seat at the restaurant" and "remember to use your magic words (please/thank you)".

As an alternative, if they simply don't stop giving him stuff, for every new toy they give, get rid of a comparable one. If they give him a new truck, ask him which one he wants, the old red one or the new yellow one? The used ones goes to charity and a tax write-off; the ones new in box go to a Toys for Tots, etc. type of organization.

This is a form of bribing but around that age I told my daughter for every toy she gave up I would give her money. $25 for small toy cars, $1 for stuffed animals, maybe more for a very large toy. Then I would take her to spent it and she might buy a new toy but, due to the price difference, that big pile of toys was now substituted with one smaller one. Also we had a "Once Upon a Child" store so I encouraged her to sell her good used stuff so she could buy something new. Sometimes she got something from there - it was 'new' to her!

Just a jumble of ideas to encourage his imagination, encourage the spirit of giving and understand the value of money.


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