# What is it about "the one that got away"?



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Seems like this has popped up a couple times recently. Soul mates don't exist. So that one that got away? Forget it. You can have every bit as awesome of a relationship if you can live in the present and find someone else OR learn to live in the present with your spouse.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

It's the allure of the blank slate. It allows the imagination to write the perfect story, with a happy ending for everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think strong connections are made in youth. Logic doesn't really apply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I guess I'm wired differently. I dated the last girl prior to my wife for about 2 years. When we broke up, it was painful for awhile. Compound it with the idea that I started dating my future wife about a month (maybe 3 weeks) after I got dumped. Even though there was an overlap between grieving while dating, I was able to make new memories and enjoy the present. Once in awhile I think about the ex GF - we spent 2 years together. But 18 years with someone else makes that one who "got away" into a distant memory that is little more than a passing curiosity from time to time.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I think strong connections are made in youth. Logic doesn't really apply.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The strongest connection I've ever made was when I was 31 and met someone who was 50. We've now been together almost 10 years and married 4.

But I do think people often associate youth with being carefree and having less responsibility, before life came in and f'd up their plans. It's easy to associate people with that.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Grayson said:


> It's the allure of the blank slate. It allows the imagination to write the perfect story, with a happy ending for everyone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

All of the potential remains, and none of the pitfalls. It can take a real effort to deprogram yourself from the focus and the chase.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Great white buffalo.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't have one. I'm glad to be rid of them.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

for me with all my GF... I was the one who got away..


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Two years after moving into our present home, I found out the one that got away lives two houses away from me. Her daughter used to babysit my kids. 
I was totally crazy for her but it wasn't meant to be. We parted ways just after high school and I didn't see her again for 30 years. 
When I see her now we just say hi, that's about it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Seems like this has popped up a couple times recently. Soul mates don't exist. So that one that got away? Forget it. You can have every bit as awesome of a relationship if you can live in the present and find someone else OR learn to live in the present with your spouse.


In 1981 my then girlfriend broke up with me. That's 34 years ago. I still have loving feelings towards her, even though I haven't seen her in all that time. Other girlfriends I have had before or since her? No loving feelings for them. But her? I can still remember her phone number and the registration number of her car.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Compound it with the idea that I started dating my future wife about a month (maybe 3 weeks) after I got dumped.


I don't see the problem with you summarily finding a replacement, except maybe it took you three weeks instead of three days. 
Remember the Beach Boy's song, "Help me Rhonda"

_Well, since she put me down
I've been out doin' in my head
I come in late at night
And in the mornin' I just lay in bed

Well, Rhonda, you look so fine (look so fine)
And I know it wouldn't take much time
For you to help me, Rhonda
Help me get her out of my heart
_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> In 1981 my then girlfriend broke up with me. That's 34 years ago. I still have loving feelings towards her, even though I haven't seen her in all that time. Other girlfriends I have had before or since her? No loving feelings for them. But her? I can still remember her phone number and the registration number of her car.


Yep, there is always that one from your youth, if you're lucky. I tend to believe those "feelings" are just private memories you can smile and remember about as you grow old and deal with the reality of age. Nothing more, nothing less.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Plan 9, I totally agree with you. I've never understood the "one that got away" thing. If they were the "one" wouldn't you be with them? If they broke up with you, why would you want them? They don't want you back? If you broke up with them, there was probably a good reason. Seems like a waste of time and life pining over someone.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

soccermom2three said:


> Plan 9, I totally agree with you. I've never understood the "one that got away" thing. *If they were the "one" wouldn't you be with them? If they broke up with you, why would you want them? They don't want you back? If you broke up with them, there was probably a good reason.* Seems like a waste of time and life pining over someone.


And then along came F--kBook.

A magical place where the reality of the past doesn't have to be. A BF or GF from 30 years ago can rise from the ashes of youth and once again claim the illusive title "Soul-Mate". 

_"If you broke up with them, there was probably a good reason."_

With FB, reasoning is not required. The past, rewrite it. The 15 lbs, photo shop it. The mundane life, super-size it. 

Will you be my friend?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

There was a girl I never dated in high school but was in the same circle of friends. There was serious chemistry right from the start, but we were never both single at the same time. Neither one of us was going to cheat, and neither one of us was going to dump a good relationship when the other one became single.

So she is one that got away, but had we dated perhaps it wouldn't have worked out at all. The allure of her after that is precisely because we never did have bad times, and never did get romantically involved.

For my wife, the one that got away was her first boyfriend/lover, the professional musician who was quite a bit older than her. He has always been the bad boy, too. She carried a bonfire of a torch for him for a long time, and still 30 years later all it took was 1 short FB message to get it stoked up again. So for her the allure of the one that got away is something totally different than it is for me.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

RWB said:


> And then along came F--kBook.
> 
> A magical place where the reality of the past doesn't have to be. A BF or GF from 30 years ago can rise from the ashes of youth and once again claim the illusive title "Soul-Mate".
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

With my fWW, along came facebook, where she contacted an old boyfriend from her high school/college years. They had never really broken up, OM had went to another country to work and they just simply lost touch because there was no email and texting in those days, just snail mail, which took weeks to send and receive replies. They eventually move on to other relationships as time went by. 

Then facebook came along and and BAM! Then apparently he was the one that got away and the love of her life.  Never mind that I was the one she built a life with, was with her through thick and thin, through all the shared hardships, raising kids, etc. Then all of a sudden she couldn't wait to be his wife, so I told her to GTFO, I'll pay for her plane ticket to be with him, just GTFO of our lives, see if he's even 1/10th the man I am. Yeah, that woke her up from the fog.

Personally, there was a girl back in high school that found me a while back. Nothing more than hi, how's life been. She passed away in 2012 from cancer. That's the closest thing I had to a great white buffalo.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My ex also caught up with "the one" on FB. Back in HS his "one" dumped him for greener pastures and it was after that we started dating. He found her on FB and they started an EA. At one point my youngest was holding his cell phone when a message popped up from her about "of course I never stopped loving you". I got to explain that to my daughter. After I discovered his serial cheating and he left, she still didn't go back to him. She found someone else with better prospects. Guess to him, I was always Plan B


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I am concerned that if there is a 'one that got away' then we don't stand much of a chance. And yes, it does exist. More so for some than others. Clearly.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It was heartbreaking. I was 7 and she was 28.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So that one that got away?


It's not the one that got away. It's the first memory of euphoria that got away.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

lordmayhem said:


> Great white buffalo.


A ref to the "Hot Tube Time Machine", yes indeed, one of the classics. However... I forever will think of Uncle Ted as my GWB.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

Mine was a girl who left me reeling after I confessed my feelings for her. I was devastated. I didn't eat for 3 weeks. Refused to date for a year. I'd lost interest. 

We had so many late nights, and one day where I was just walking past her at work and she blurts out, "You make me feel better about myself than anyone else in my life."

I asked, "Better than your family? Your old boyfriend?" 

She said, "Yes." 

A little explanation, her old boyfriend had left on a sabbatical for two years. The agreement was that she wasn't to wait for him should she find somebody else. If she hadn't when he returned, then they were free to pick up where they left off. The story as I heard it was that he was abusive to her before he left as well. 

Anyhow, after I confessed my feelings she tells me, "I feel like I should wait for **** to return. I owe him that." It made absolutely zero fvcking sense to me. Still doesn't. I've had 15+ years to reflect on it, and it still doesn't make sense.

Fast forward 5 years from my GWB (Great White Buffalo), and I suddenly realize that I love my wife far more than I ever loved her, and that I'd felt that way for many years. I realized that the GWB is really more of a state of mind than any kind of reality.

5 years after _that_ realization, I get blindsided by my wife's infidelity with her GWB. The feelings from this were similar to that of my own GWB loss, but amplified to the nth degree. All facilitated by FB - "Connecting you with those from your past who probably were better off staying there, but hey it made us rich."

I have found my GWB on FB, but I refuse to friend her. I want to ask too many questions, and I know she's had a hard marriage. It's a mess I'd rather not find myself in, especially if it led to yet another epic disappointment.

My conclusion. I'm not a fan of what too many people do on FB. GWBs are not necessarily our soulmates. I'm not sure I even believe in soulmates. Twice I thought I'd found one, only to be disappointed.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Thor said:


> There was a girl I never dated in high school but was in the same circle of friends. There was serious chemistry right from the start, but we were never both single at the same time. Neither one of us was going to cheat, and neither one of us was going to dump a good relationship when the other one became single.
> 
> So she is one that got away, but had we dated perhaps it wouldn't have worked out at all. The allure of her after that is precisely because we never did have bad times, and never did get romantically involved.
> 
> For my wife, the one that got away was her first boyfriend/lover, the professional musician who was quite a bit older than her. He has always been the bad boy, too. She carried a bonfire of a torch for him for a long time, and still 30 years later all it took was 1 short FB message to get it stoked up again. So for her the allure of the one that got away is something totally different than it is for me.


I know where you're coming from. (Wow...take us out of the P&R section, and we can get along well, Odinson.  )

"The one that got away" doesn't have to be someone you actually dated. My "one that got away" was a good friend, I had feelings for her, told her, she thought she might have those same feelings in return, but went for someone else while she was trying to figure that out. We remained good friends after, but I still can't help but wonder how well we would have worked out. We may have been horrible together. But, as you say, Thor, we never had bad times (or rather, no relationshippy bad times...she sure didn't like when I'd point out if subsequent guys were scumbags, always telling me I was just jealous of them). We never had that day-to-day parade of ups and downs, the exhilarating and the mundane, to see if "us" would have worked or not.

And that's what makes her "the one that got away"...the blank slate of the unknown.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

I think the frozen in time quality is interesting. I know how much I just change in one or two years. What about 5, 10, 30 years? That person we were pining about may be completely different but are image is stuck on one time.

Right after a break up the OWGA syndrome is really strong with me. There has only ever been one man who I pined after. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and asked if that was what I wanted to do, be stuck on a man who I didn't even know anymore or move ahead and be present in current relationship.

I guess I can say that I got sickened by myself, but my pining had been extreme. After reaching that low I have never felt that way about someone before because I realized it was just all in my head.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> I think the frozen in time quality is interesting. I know how much I just change in one or two years. What about 5, 10, 30 years? That person we were pining about may be completely different but are image is stuck on one time.


This is the mechanism at work with the Facebook phenomenon of cheating with someone from long ago. Suddenly you're transported back to your carefree youth. What a rush! Don't we all want to be 16 or 25 again?

I don't blame FB or other social media, it is just the tool, but it has sure been the conduit of many affairs.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don't have a "One that got away".

I have quite a few I'm glad I got away from however.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

The worst thing about the one that got away was that she was a gorgeous 16 year old.

The best thing about the one that got away is she will always be a gorgeous 16 year old....(really never saw her again.)


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

Thor said:


> This is the mechanism at work with the Facebook phenomenon of cheating with someone from long ago. Suddenly you're transported back to your carefree youth. What a rush! Don't we all want to be 16 or 25 again?
> 
> I don't blame FB or other social media, it is just the tool, but it has sure been the conduit of many affairs.



The American Academy of Trial Lawyers and Divorce lawyers in Britain,report over 25%+ of ALL Divorces filed are a direct result or can be tied to Facebook... People that is 1 out of 4..and its growing..

Like Thor I dont blame Facebook ...but it seems to be a highway to have an affair...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

badkarma2013 said:


> The American Academy of Trial Lawyers and Divorce lawyers in Britain,report over 25%+ of ALL Divorces filed are a direct result or can be tied to Facebook... People that is 1 out of 4..and its growing..
> 
> Like Thor I dont blame Facebook ...but it seems to be a highway to have an affair...


If not Facebook, then the library, or a bar, or...


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I have one of those...well, kinda have one. She was great. Actually heard from her several years ago. She is married, never had children -but seems to be happy. Married a great Guy -I've had the chance to speak to him a few times. 

For me, anyway, actually hearing her speak, I guess wiped away any glamour of her memory- She wasn't "The One"...she was simply the "First One". I married "The One" and am still happy as can be with my choice. The "First One" is and always will be a great memory, in some small ways, because of her, I am the man I am. I have fond memories -but NFW would I think to re-kindle some HS boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. That just seems stupid. Maybe if these people that run-off with the "one that got away" would say some of this stuff out loud..they would wake up. 

They aren't really the "one that got away"...more like -the relationships that ended, because they needed to and we needed to move on with our lives. Young love isn't suppose to be forever, it's suppose to hurt when it ends. It's how learn about love. 

Hell...maybe it's just a symptom of people wanting to relive their youth....One last chance at being young again. Whatever. Life would start to be pretty miserable looking in the rear view mirror all the time. They are missing all the beauty all around them. Sad. 

Just one Dudes Opinion


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Just enjoy the great memories.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the one that got away...
1) fat now
2) cheats on their partner now
3) alcohol/drug problem
4)bald and fat


just somethings to remember. what you really have to be scared about is the one you didn't know was going to blossom into something special.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Soul mates are not found. They are created over time.


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> If not Facebook, then the library, or a bar, or...



Facebook is just easier...Spouse can reconnect...talk to and plan affair with other person while you both are watching TV..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My one that got away left me for a previous lover of hers. A woman.

And there was I, aged 22, wanting to marry her, aged 28, ready to settle down with her and her three children.

The youngest one would be 40 now.


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