# Husband cheated with an 18 year old



## jessicabrooke (Jul 15, 2016)

My H and I have been on and off for 4 years. We were apart for a year (although we still hooked up here and there) and remarried in December 2018. He's in his early 20s and I'm in my mid 20s. I have a 6 year old girl from a previous marriage, and we have an almost 3 year old boy and a baby boy together. 

Things have been rocky since we remarried. It hasn't been the same, and I feel like I did it as a desperate attempt to save my family. In the past 2 months, our marriage quickly declined and he started staying out with his friend more and more, later and later. Suddenly he didnt want to spend any time with me and I felt myself begging for his attention and time, making myself look like a fool. I got into such a depression I couldn't complete household tasks and I was in bed a lot. He called me lazy and constantly criticized me. He got so MEAN. We got into it physically one night. At that point I decided to stay long enough to save up money. 

Eventually he wasnt coming home until 3 a.m. Anytime I questioned his behavior, he threatened to leave right then. I had to have answers. I hacked into his Facebook messenger and found sexual and romantic messages with his coworker. They were a "couple" calling each other pet names with hearts and all, hanging out every day. They had kissed but it hadn't gotten sexual. She talked about losing her virginity to him and how it will hurt. He said he would go slow. It made me sick. His friend who he was always with who was our groomsman, was helping. 

The next day I confronted him and kicked him out. He wasnt sorry at all. He was more concerned about possibly losing his new girl. I messaged her and all she did was lie to me. Then promise to break it off. I let her entire family know. They didnt make a big deal of it and said shes an adult and can do what she wants. Her stepmom was helping her, infact. We live in the south and a lot of people are homophobic, and this girl has been a lesbian up until her time with my husband. And her stepmom wanted her to be straight so she helped her cheat with my husband. 

Meanwhile my H has been buttering everyone in her family up saying he is unhappy with me and doesn't want to be with me, he wants to be with OW because she is so amazing and I'm not doing my part in the marriage. How he never meant to hurt anyone. They are eating it up. 

This whole 2 weeks since D-day, I have been in a deep depression. I have felt so hopeless and like a complete loser. I was really trying to make it work this time around and begged him to make it work with me. Every time I talk to him to try to coparent, my depression gets so, so much worse and it feels like it's happening all over again. I feel like a complete loser for being left for an 18 year old. I have had the kids by myself and I'm overwhelmed. (He refuses to get them, but asks me to bring them to his work and let him watch them at my place).

Obviously OW has no shame, and her family doesn't care. Their workplace has no rules against affairs as long as one is not a supervisor. Hes happy as can be with his brand new virgin. I'm thrown away like used tissue. How can I possibly try to build my self esteem back?? Seems like me and the kids are the one one suffering in this scenario.

I told him I wish I had known he didnt mean his vows or else I would have taken them with a man who was committed. He said he did mean them, but I wasnt doing my part (cleaning enough, laying down too much, etc.). 

I just dont know what I can do to salvage my mental health at this point. He is publicly with this girl he left me for. And I'm going through the worst time of my life over someone so awful.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I suggest you need counselling and temporary medical relief over what he has done.

And lawyer up. Your "husband" needs to be outed to all and sundry, he cannot be allowed to get away withn his dreadful behaviour.

I would also suggest that, if your users name is your real name that you get @EleGirl (our admin person) to change this for you to something anonymous.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Agreed...you need to get some counseling and call a lawyer. He has two children and so he's going to have to help support them. Life will not look quite so rosy with his new conquest once he has bills to pay and custody arrangements with his kids. 

Just know that it will take time to get over his betrayal. It's okay that you feel like **** right now...of course you do. You won't always feel this way. But I do think taking some steps towards being independent and strong again will help. Get the counseling, call a lawyer, and stop talking to him or seeing him unless it has something to do with the kids. 

good luck! *hugs*


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sorry you are going through this. Your H simply got into the family life way too young. Two kids in his early 20s, on/off with his wife, hooking up with an 18 year old. He's not mature enough for his life with you, clearly.

You'd be best to lawyer up and end the relationship permanently.


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## jessicabrooke (Jul 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I suggest you need counselling and temporary medical relief over what he has done.
> 
> And lawyer up. Your "husband" needs to be outed to all and sundry, he cannot be allowed to get away withn his dreadful behaviour.
> 
> I would also suggest that, if your users name is your real name that you get @EleGirl (our admin person) to change this for you to something anonymous.


I agree. And it's not my real name. I'm formerly ariel_angel77. I was a lot more active here 5 years ago. Then I just had this happen & remembered this helpful place.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Read your thread in 2016, and thought something would change, even his own SD told you he's a fine work of art. The boy has issues your not going to fix nor the baby you had together. Move on.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Was this the teenage boy you hooked up with right after your divorce? If so, I'm sorry it turned out this way but not surprised. There were red flags everywhere. He wasn't, and isn't, ready to grow up and be a responsible adult. You need to make a plan so you can move on with your life. First of all, don't consider for a moment ever taking him back. And when you're finally free of him, don't get into another relationship for years. You need to work on you without the distraction of another guy in your life.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Was this the teenage boy you hooked up with right after your divorce? If so, I'm sorry it turned out this way but not surprised. There were red flags everywhere. He wasn't, and isn't, ready to grow up and be a responsible adult. You need to make a plan so you can move on with your life. First of all, don't consider for a moment ever taking him back. And when you're finally free of him,* don't get into another relationship for years*. You need to work on you without the distraction of another guy in your life.


And don't get any tattoo's.
2 is too many.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

This is going to blow up in his face and you don't want to be anywhere near him when it does. She's putting him off about sex because she's not actually that in to him. She's probably not really a virgin if she's had girlfriends. She's just never been with a man and chances are she's going to realize this is a huge mistake and dump him. 

See a lawyer. Get the divorce rolling now. Be prepared for him to come back with tears and promises he won't keep.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

See your doctor and get help with your depression. That, in turn, will help you to think and get things done. You will still have to force yourself at times, but it won't be nearly as unbearable. You'll need counseling for your depression, too. Let it happen. Get healthier. 

You did the right thing throwing him out. This affair of his is more than likely doomed. You can't change who you are. His girlfriend will not be able. Stay away from him and don't take him back. 

See an attorney to talk about divorce. Do this for your child as much as you. Having a child together is not a good reason to put a marriage back together.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

You’re in your mid 20s, have been married twice, have 3 kids from two different marriages, and your current one is over. 

Wow. 

I think you need out and to be alone for a while. Be there for your kids. You’re living life way too fast. Time for a long time being single and just living. 

Make some space and time for yourself to develop.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear OP;

Call me old fashioned, but you have kids to protect. Get tested for STD's immediately. 

If you were my daughter, I would tell you to go to therapy after you were tested for STD's and I would insist that you stop dating the kinds of men who like sex with young immature women.

In fact, I would even offer to pay for you to get sterilized. 3 kids, by two men and you are in your mid-20's. Time to seriously change your lifestyle.

Good luck, get medical help and therapy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sadly you married a child and expected him to behave like an adult. You even had 2 children with him despite all the red flags. 

MY advise is to get legal advise, make sure that you get child support, and be the best mum to your 3 children who must be pretty confused and messed up by all the changes they have had to go though. Concentrate on them and stay away from men for a few years till you have matured enough to be able to find a good man and not an immature boy.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> In fact, *I would even offer to pay for you to get sterilized.* 3 kids, by two men and you are in your mid-20's. Time to seriously change your lifestyle.


I agree with all of the advice except the bolded above. I find that to be a little on the cruel side, but that’s just me. I do however feel that you need to change your lifestyle and that you need to lay off men and dating for awhile, and if you do get sexual with someone, think *before* you do anything and protect yourself either with the pill or condoms or both.

Get yourself to a therapist as well, as she/he can give you tools to cope and to work through all that you’re going through. A trip to your doctor to talk to them about being depressed would also be a good idea. When I went through my divorce, my doctor told me to come back if I needed to and he could get me on antidepressants to help get me through it. Also, keep posting on here, as there are a lot of people who have really good advice.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this with him. Do NOT take this dude back, regardless of what tale he spins you. Do the 180 on him, and don’t answer any communication unless it is about your children. Given that this is the first straight relationship that the OW has had, my guess is that she’s trying to bend to please her family and is essentially trying him on for size to see if it will work for her. It could be that she’s bisexual, but if she is truly a lesbian, this new relationship won’t work for her. Stand tall and let him go. This isn’t your fault, and this has nothing to do with you at all. He’s simply too immature for the life you were trying to build with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jessicabrooke said:


> My H and I have been on and off for 4 years. We were apart for a year (although we still hooked up here and there) and remarried in December 2018. He's in his early 20s and I'm in my mid 20s. I have a 6 year old girl from a previous marriage, and we have an almost 3 year old boy and a baby boy together.
> 
> Things have been rocky since we remarried. It hasn't been the same, and I feel like I did it as a desperate attempt to save my family. In the past 2 months, our marriage quickly declined and he started staying out with his friend more and more, later and later. Suddenly he didnt want to spend any time with me and I felt myself begging for his attention and time, making myself look like a fool. I got into such a depression I couldn't complete household tasks and I was in bed a lot. He called me lazy and constantly criticized me. He got so MEAN. We got into it physically one night. At that point I decided to stay long enough to save up money.
> 
> ...


Hi,

I've wondered at times how you were doing. Sorry to hear that things are not going well. 

I agree with the others. 

You need to get legal advise and get child support. You should see a doctor about antidepressants to get you through the worst of this. 

You wonder how to get your self esteem back. First you need to put things in perspective.

Don't take his actions as an indicator of your value as a person. His actions reflect on him alone. He's the one who is cheating. That is his character flaw.

He's the one who seems to think that the value of a wife is how much she cleans. How much cleaning and child care did he do? Probably not much since he was not even around all that much. Anything he says negative about his I his trying to deflect this own guilt and shame in this situation. 

He says that you were not a good wife so he started hanging out with an 18 year old? Did he talk to you about these supposed flaws of yours? Did he seek counseling with you? Did he offer up his own flaws and start working to be a better version of him self? My bet is that the answer to all that is no.

The next time he starts listing your faults, remind him that he is the one who did not even try to work on the marriage. Thus he is at fault. He's the one cheating and thee is no excuse for infidelity.

This girl he's with right now, wait a while. That's going to blow up in his face. She is clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship. Wait until she finds out that his idea of a wife or partner is someone who is his maid. Just don't take him back when she dumps his sorry behind and he comes crawling back to you.

Tell me, in all this time you have known him, has he had for flings/cheats?

He wants you to take the children to see him at work. Do not do that. If he wants to see his children, he needs put out the effort to drive over, pick them up, and take them somewhere. Do not allow him to watch the children in your home either. That's basically as way for him to still have you as his wife and keep the affair partner too.

Put pressure on him to make him have to put effort into things.... he has to work to give you children support. He has to work to provide a safe place to which he can take his children, he has to take his children all on his own and take care of them sometimes. The absolute best thing you can do for your children is to put pressure on their father to grow the hell up.

You need to become mamma bear and fight for those children. Is the father of your oldest involved with her at all? Is he paying child support?


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

I really love all the supportive responses posted here. Original Poster Jessica Brooke, I would also like to add that you also get family counseling for your children so that an therapist allows your children to express what they are going through and someone can help manage and self-regulate their emotions at this tough time. That's a better use of their time instead of driving them to dad's work where they will also be exposed to the 18 year old. 

It's time for you to protect yourself and your children. I am very sorry that you are hurting, but I would follow most of these advise for lawyer (find out your rights, and child support and if your state also considers infidelity as a cause reason for divorce so he can cover your therapeutic expenses).


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

jessicabrooke said:


> My H and I have been on and off for 4 years. We were apart for a year (although we still hooked up here and there) and remarried in December 2018. He's in his early 20s and I'm in my mid 20s. I have a 6 year old girl from a previous marriage, and we have an almost 3 year old boy and a baby boy together.
> 
> Things have been rocky since we remarried. It hasn't been the same, and I feel like I did it as a desperate attempt to save my family. In the past 2 months, our marriage quickly declined and he started staying out with his friend more and more, later and later. Suddenly he didnt want to spend any time with me and I felt myself begging for his attention and time, making myself look like a fool. I got into such a depression I couldn't complete household tasks and I was in bed a lot. He called me lazy and constantly criticized me. He got so MEAN. We got into it physically one night. At that point I decided to stay long enough to save up money.
> 
> ...


Your WH sounds like an immature POS, dump him fast. Get your self into therapy and also get a lawyer. Make sure he financially supports his family. It sounds like you need a man in your life as this is your second marriage and you are only mid 20s. You do NOT Need a man. You need to sort yourself out first. Rely on your family and friends, tell them what he has done then change the locks.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Look this is what bothers me here. Affairs don't just start. This girl and him were probly talking while she was in high school likely before she was 18. My worry here is that she isn't the only one and he's actually a predator. Get out and far far far away. I fear if you look deeper he'll be chatting up 16 and 17 year olds. If he is and there are pictures involved. Then you are going to have to deal with the fall out of being involved in a CP case. Just get out now and expose him to the girls parents. Let them unleash hell upon him while you exit stage left.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear OP;
> 
> Call me old fashioned, but you have kids to protect. Get tested for STD's immediately.
> 
> ...


She described the guy as early 20s, so that means not that much older than an 18 year old.

Some people need to understand that you can't squeeze blood out of a rock. These days, 20 something aren't suitable for marriage, male and female. There is too much to experience these days to get married so young. The biological clock ending at 30 years of age has been debunked. 

How do we know that the OP isn't a predator herself. Marrying a younger guy, having two kids in the span of three years when their marriage was never stable and when she had another child from an earlier marriage. 

Jessica, how involved is the Baby Daddy of your first child in her life?


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