# 19+ marriage over wife says!!



## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Wow, need desperate advice.

I love my wife to death and always tried to treat her well.
I have carried bad baggage with ex fiance and ex girlfriends having affairs so naturarly I've become controlling and jealous.

Wife has now reconnected with her ex boyfriend from 24 years ago.
All this has happened online and he lives overseas. Been going on for 3 months. 
I provided an altermatum when I found out and she chose me.
We have 2 children. 7 & 11.

Then on our kid free wedding anniversay last week she dropped a bomb shell. She started writing again last week and believes he is her soulmate. Now its also via telephone calls, SMS etc
The other guy is married but apparently seperated from his wife 9 years BUT living in the same house!!

He is feeding her BS and our marriage councillor has alos said so saying to both of us he is not my threat.

Now wife does not want to hear all this..........I am totally lost, hurt and going through my own therapy to sort out my own baggage. My wife is doing the same.......
I cannot survive another 3+ months waiting to see if she thinks she can love me again........I'm at breaking point.

Any advice please??


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Update, she has asked if I would be willing to still be with her even though she doesnt love me anymore?
I'm making it possible that in the future, she may fall back in love with me as I believe couples do that....
Anyone please??
She seems so confused and admitted everything is clouded. Should I simply continue and give her more time hoping the therapy will help her? Is it perhaps midlife crisis time for her?


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

Divorce her.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

This is not just a sign that that she believes the guy overseas is full of it(which he probably is) but also a sign that major changes have to take place for her to be able to remain in the marriage.

It can probably still happen if you want it to.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

OzzieLost said:


> Update, she has asked if I would be willing to still be with her even though she doesnt love me anymore?
> I'm making it possible that in the future, she may fall back in love with me as I believe couples do that....
> Anyone please??
> She seems so confused and admitted everything is clouded. Should I simply continue and give her more time hoping the therapy will help her? Is it perhaps midlife crisis time for her?


She's hanging on to you for a back up plan. As soon as she gets her jollies with the old BF and realizes that he has nothing, she wants to keep a door open with you.
I wouldn't let her get away with it.

I hope that my next statement is not too hurtful.

Why do you think that all of your relationships end up with you being cheated on? Are you a doormat and allowing women to completely walk all over you? If so, they don't respect you.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

ummm...hi, yes you are right, he is saying a whole lot of BS to her snd she is falling for it hook, line, and sinker. yes she is trying to keep the door with you open.

sooo... from what i understood from your thread, the two of you have had some restment issues, this is why she is being alot cruel about it. she wants to rub it in your face. you already know all about it, most of us would not continue the outside "friendship", but she didnt care.

let her know once she walks out the door, it dosent swing back the other way. dont threaten if you leave..... and dont follow throu with it.

you both have a lot of hurt and disstrust with each other. it would prob be best to just stop the hurt and move on with life. 

this is just IMO. i dont know either of you...hey you might want to work it out...

but if you decide its over, be firm with it. if she senses even the smallest opening to wiggle back in she will see no need to stop the "reunion". she will guilt you, blame you, tell you she hates you. its all half truths, if she leaves to be with him, and he sends her back, dont be swayed.

have you tried to talk to out before it got to this level?

i hope you get the resolvance you deserve


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Today I have managed to talk face to face with 2 of her girlfriends.
Seems she still does love me.......might be less but seems she is.

friends say she has had a rough trot. 3 years ago i was very sick to the point of almost life threatening.....sickness lasted 15months.
it took a tool i guess on both of us......in and out of hospital and immense pain. I think i started to take her for granted and began to control her. Seems this may be one of the underlying issues.
I still love her as much as the first day we met 21 years ago so i will continue to give her time.

I do also believe that if this does'nt work, i wont leave the backdoor open either.

I'm far from being a doormat.......I guess I just unlucky in picking my women......but this one is too special for me to simply walk away from....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ozzie, be careful with friends, in my experience they most likely dont know the whole story. Infidelity is not a proud and honorable topic, so my wife never talked about her bad behavior to her real friends. Who goes around talking about their cheating? 

I suggest you find out who you are dealing with, this OM should be investigated, spend the money and do a back round check. Just dont let your W know, she'll be pissed.

Our wife will find out soon enough, when you tell the OM's wife that her H is contacting your wife. My opinion is if you can end the affair or make it more difficult to have and the OM stops contacting your wife you may have a chance. I'm no pro, but if you get this OM out of the picture your W wont have this OM clouding her mind.

Good luck


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Another thing about her GFs, they may be covering for her.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

OzzieLost said:


> Update, she has asked if I would be willing to still be with her even though she doesnt love me anymore?



OzzieLost, isn’t that exactly what the OM is doing? It doesn’t take much of an imagination to know where that one came from.

They both want their cake and eat it to be supported by their marriage partner while at the same time have an on going affair. If that makes “soul mates” for me they’d be they’d be welcome to it.

Surely you deserve better. Have a look at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-help-marriage-relationship-programs/18671-180.html and http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/14963-boundaries-men.html and see if they have meaning for you.

Bob


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Thanks........actually, her friends have been reasonably neutral.
Another close girlfriend of hers is actually a close friend of mine for past 25 years and they have built a bond together for past 7 years.
My wife and her met yesterday and seems my W opened up to her. Not to the point of tears but c mentioned this old flame.
This friend is actually a senior police detective and read her face etc etc on my behalf.
Says that this flame is no threat and that i need to take back some power.
So last night i did and mentioned i would give her the seperation/split she asked last week. Pointed out the house I would rent and that it was within walking distance for the kids to walk and visit me.
This suddenly prompted her to say there is no need to leave. To give her space and room etc.

I am willing to do this but is extremely hard. Her emotions and insecurity is ripping me apart. She has also now said she loves me!!! WTF??!!! Not sure what this love means but it's a small cande of light. The first I have had in over 3 months.

Arghhh!!!!!


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

I would love to hear opinions from any females as you might be better able to understand how/what she is going through compared to us guys......!!

Any thoughts??


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## quercus.robur (Aug 1, 2010)

OzzieLost said:


> So last night i did and mentioned i would give her the seperation/split she asked last week. Pointed out the house I would rent and that it was within walking distance for the kids to walk and visit me.


Just curious, why did not you ask her to rent a house (or an appartment) nearby (within walking distance for the kids to walk and visit her)?


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Very good point. i guess i was testing her answer........i know she would not move out until it is too long going. I was trying to think how she would react if I was'nt around.........!!


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## OzzieLost (Nov 25, 2010)

Well, its been 3 days since I was lost online. I've been interstate for work and come home to find she has been online at 2am in the morning corresponding to her OM ???

Now I am becoming really upset and do'nt know what to do. She wont allow me to tell out parents. She says she need help and is going to a new councillor, but this is ripping my heart out. Our 2 young children will be broken by this........
Do I continue to give her the room and pray this will be over soon or should I walk away or instead, kick her out and expose this to all the families??


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