# If you were cheated on, did you divorce?



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I had posted another thread about how cheating affected the sex life in a marriage and several people responding that they went immediately (or very soon after) to divorce once they found out about the affair, suggesting that to break the vows of marriage by commiting adultery was grounds for immediate divorce. 

So I'm curious how people handled their relationship, and the sex in it, after they found out their spouse was having an affair. Is breaking with manogamy essentially the ultimate sin in a marraige?

To any posters who were the guilty party (IE were the cheating spouse) feel free to vote and/or comment as well. I'd like to get your perspective if you are willing to share it.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Moderator(s), I accidentally clicked to make the results of the poll public (IE, we can see who voted for what), and I can't seem to change that. If one of you could change it for me so it's not a public I'd appreciate it.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> several people responding that they went immediately (or very soon after) to divorce once they found out about the affair, suggesting that to break the vows of marriage by commiting adultery was grounds for immediate divorce.


Ya think???


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

She cheated, we seperated. False R. She cheated multiple times again. Divorced.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

northland said:


> Ya think???


Just replying with what was posted and why I wanted to go further into detail, no need to be a smartass to the messenger.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I chose 2 and 3


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## debbysteelefen (May 12, 2013)

I am the one who cheated and was caught several times.

But my husband did not want to divorce me, he really wanted to work this.

My husband is 11 years older than me, and he id definitly more mature than me back then and still today.

I was the one who was being a b****, I enjoyed dating and I did not want to give this up, this was when I was still in my 20's and I was very immature and selfish. After some rough times my husband agreed to allow me to still continue to date but with some rules.

Over time, me dating other men turned into something my husband found exciting.

We are 20+ years married and very much in love


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I picked "other": she was often complaining about being unhappy, then finally one day she became adamant about wanting divorce, went on a personal retreat and after started staying at a friend's. I dug and found out it was so she could live the single life, and that there was an affair with some scuz in the other city - I asked her to come home, end affair and to reconcile, she pretended for a few days but continued to say she wanted to divorce. I asked her to move out, she started staying at her friend's again and then a couple weeks later I did more digging and found there was atleast one other affair, at which point I immediately pursued divorce.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

debbysteelefen said:


> I am the one who cheated and was caught several times.
> 
> But my husband did not want to divorce me, he really wanted to work this.
> 
> ...


so your husband is a cuckhold?

I started going down that path, was open minded and willing to look at alternative arrangements, but thankfully my ex wouldn't have it that way and eventually I got my wits about me and recognized that wouldn't work for me.


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## debbysteelefen (May 12, 2013)

Lon said:


> so your husband is a cuckhold?
> 
> I started going down that path, was open minded and willing to look at alternative arrangements, but thankfully my ex wouldn't have it that way and eventually I got my wits about me and recognized that wouldn't work for me.


I am not really sure what that means.

I was in my 20's, inmature and selfish. If I would have meet my husband today I would have NEVER asked for such arrangement.

But thats not how things turned out, because I did ask, and he did agree.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

DebbySteelefen

I'm curious ... what does your husband find exciting about this arrangement?

My first thought is even if he is able to handle it emotionally, if it was my wife, if she is having sex with another man, she isn't having sex with me. She would have one foot in and one foot out. I guess the only way I could agree with that is if the marriage benefited me somehow but I wanted to have sex with other women. This wouldn't work for me ... she would be giving her most intimate part of herself to other men and I'm not built like that ... but I'm curious why it works for him?


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Cuckold 

The husband of an adulteress, often regarded as an object of derision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, I left the day I had solid proof, although he denied cheating then right after the denial, he blamed me for the cheating. He still cheats on his current wife, I know of 3 times and I'm positive there's more. His wife knew he was married to me when they started dating. Plus he had many ONS's. 

I could never cheat on anyone, not even my ex h which I knew all along he was cheating on me.

I'm very happily married now. I have a husband I fully trust.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I wasn't married to the father of my son but when he cheated I tried to forgive him.We stayed together for a very short period of time after but ultimately I had to leave.

With the ex husband I could never find concrete proof.All I had was a few circumstantial things and a nagging gut feeling.We divorced but it was for many other reasons.The circumstantial things and gut feeling were definitely part of my decision process.They were made more prominent when I considered the other aspects of the marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

ubercoolpanda said:


> Cuckold
> 
> The husband of an adulteress, often regarded as an object of derision.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cuckold.. Victim of cheating wife who abuses her husband by humiliating him through her continued cheating on him. Typically it refers to a man who remains with his wife even though she continues to cheat on him without regard. Such men are often mentally or emotionally codependent on the woman which is why they stay, even though her cheating makes them feel humiliated and degraded.

In many ways I view it as the female version of a husband who abuses his wife, yet she stays with him.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

debbysteelefen said:


> I am the one who cheated and was caught several times.
> 
> But my husband did not want to divorce me, he really wanted to work this.
> 
> ...


If you we're in love, you would not have cheated on him, and you would not be dating other men.

Why did you even get married if what you really wanted to do was live as a carefree single?


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## Tufluv (Oct 27, 2010)

In my first marriage..he cheated within the first month. I didn't believe in divorce so I thought we could work on it. 12years later it still was not possible to "forget". Could never, ever trust him after that. Finally divorced-12yrs later. Hindsight...I so wish I would have left him right then. Without trust, or the other persons(the cheater) respect(if they respected you or the sanctity of marriage , they wouldn't have cheated) it cannot ever work.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & mine has never been cheated on or cheated, no EA's.... but we talk about this sort of thing, after much postings on TAM... I know, easy to say as I have not experienced it..

But this is how I think...trying to place myself in some others shoes ....IF (and this would never happen cause I like sex too much)...if I ignored my husband's needs...KNOWING he wanted more sex, desired me...even fighting with me, showing his need....and I kept turning him away....a cold callous rejecter...over a time period ...having my head up my ass, trampling his needs... and he fell in a weak moment.... I believe I would forgive him....especially if he came to me right after and admitted his transgression...... if I found out on my own...and this was hidden for some time.... it would be harder to forgive...the trust irrevocably broken. 

If however, I was a very giving, loving wife, lots of sex, I'd throw him out on his ear...call the Lawyer on the day.... to me, this betrayal would be 100 times worse... because in the 1st case ..I know others won't agree with me, but I would feel I had a hand in his going astray...dissing his needs...and he could have still loved me (but was suffering badly)...fingers pointing back to me ... 

IN the 2nd case, he is purely out just to get some strange....a lying selfish man...I just can't view these situations one & the same.... I'd consider a sexless marriage as bad.....both are Fvcking "the vows" in my opinion...and when you do that... very bad things happen, that otherwise would* not* have happened.


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