# Life with trophy wife 20 years later



## IMARRIEDTROPHY

First and foremost I do want to say I love my wife and she's done absolutely nothing to lead me to this point. She is who I married.

Issue is 20 years later as we're growing older I'm finding my priorities changing and she cannot satisfy these priorities. What was important to me 20 years ago has been replaced with wanting to have a companion who I can have a conversation with, someone I can share hobbies with, someone I have things in common with.

Now that our son is older we seem to have nothing in common, I become frustrated with her lack of interest in anything other than shopping and going to the gym, her refusal to better herself. For instance, it's difficult having a conversation with someone who cannot name the Vice President of the US or even the capital of the state we moved to 5 years ago.

I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated when she'll ask me for help with the most basic things like asking me what half of a 1/4 cup is. 

Dinners conversation lasts less than a couple of minutes, phone calls home when I travel are practically silent.

I've suggested she read a book, take a class, become involved in something to better herself but she shows no interest.

I do not think I can continue to live like this and fear divorce may be the only way to maintain my sanity. I cannot imagine living out my retirement years with someone who cannot engage in a conversation or the extent of her conversation skills last less than a couple of minutes.

I suppose for years I dealt with this because she was the trophy wife, as I grow older I suppose I'm needing more substance than beauty.

I've been faithful to my wife, however, I will admit it's becoming increasingly difficult. My job puts me in positions where I meet and interact with accomplished women; I find myself greatly enjoying dinners with them, drinks etc. Long conversations covering a wide variety of topics, very stimulating.

I find myself feeling bad for her as she's done nothing wrong, she is who I married but I see a miserable future ahead.


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## richie33

Maybe she feels the same way about you. If you are looking for posters to okay the emotional affairs you found the wrong place.


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## IMARRIEDTROPHY

richie33 said:


> Maybe she feels the same way about you. If you are looking for posters to okay the emotional affairs you found the wrong place.


She claims she's very happy, when I mentioned divorce she became very upset.

I have not had emotional affairs; the encounters I mentioned have been in the course of my vocation duties/responsibilities and I do not intend on having an emotional or physical affair.

I suppose my post is two fold. 1) Sharing my experience and what life is like 20 years later. 2) If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd appreciate advice.


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## Jung_admirer

You respect your DW as a mother, but not as an individual. Now that the mothering responsibility is ending .. there is not much left on the surface. If you cannot find respect for who your wife is, as opposed to who you would have her be ... your relationship will limp until it dies. The book, "Passionate Marriage" talks about differentiation (individuation) in marriage. Understand that every person is worthy of love, and it is your choice to provide that love or not. No person can advise you on this choice, but do take the time you need to consider carefully.


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## happy as a clam

Is she your first and only wife?

Or was she the "trophy" rebound (gorgeous, hot body, sexy, complete opposite of first wife) after a previous divorce?

That makes a BIG difference in the advice you will get.


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## IMARRIEDTROPHY

Jung_admirer said:


> You respect your DW as a mother, but not as an individual. Now that the mothering responsibility is ending .. there is not much left on the surface. If you cannot find respect for who your wife is, as opposed to who you would have her be ... your relationship will limp until it dies. The book, "Passionate Marriage" talks about differentiation (individuation) in marriage. Understand that every person is worthy of love, and it is your choice to provide that love or not. No person can advise you on this choice, but do take the time you need to consider carefully.


Thank you for the book recommendation, I just found it on Amazon and downloaded it for the flight home today.



happy as a clam said:


> Is she your first and only wife?
> 
> Or was she the "trophy" rebound (gorgeous, hot body, sexy, complete opposite of first wife) after a previous divorce?
> 
> That makes a BIG difference in the advice you will get.


First/only wife


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## SecondTime'Round

This makes me feel sad for both of you . I totally get where you're coming from, but it is sad for her, too .


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## karole

So, your wife is getting older and her looks aren't quite what they used to be as she's getting older. Could that really be what is bothering you rather than her lack of conversational abilities? If so, you are a shallow man. I feel sorry for your wife. Tell her the truth and set her free - she deserves someone to love her for her - not for what she looks like.


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## SecondTime'Round

karole said:


> So, your wife is getting older and her looks aren't quite what they used to be as she's getting older. Could that really be what is bothering you rather than her lack of conversational abilities? If so, you are a shallow man. I feel sorry for your wife. Tell her the truth and set her free - she deserves someone to love her for her - not for what she looks like.


I didn't get this impression at all from his OP. He, in fact, said that HE is the one who has changed and has different priorities. Her physical beauty used to be enough for him when he was young, and possibly immature. He's older and more mature now and desires more than just her beauty.


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## IMARRIEDTROPHY

karole said:


> So, your wife is getting older and her looks aren't quite what they used to be as she's getting older. Could that really be what is bothering you rather than her lack of conversational abilities? If so, you are a shallow man. I feel sorry for your wife. Tell her the truth and set her free - she deserves someone to love her for her - not for what she looks like.


Absolutely incorrect, See below.



SecondTime'Round said:


> I didn't get this impression at all from his OP. He, in fact, said that HE is the one who has changed and has different priorities. Her physical beauty used to be enough for him when he was young, and possibly immature. He's older and more mature now and desires more than just her beauty.


I couldn't have said this better myself.


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## SadSamIAm

This is sad. 

You have been with this woman for 20 years and you haven't developed any similar interests?

I have been married almost 30 years. I could describe my wife the same you describe yours. She shops and works out! 

But she is also so much more than that. For the last 20 years she has been the greatest mom anyone could ever ask for. My life was made so much easier because she was at home with our kids. Keeping the house running smoothly. Meals, cleaning, laundry, running kids around, etc. 

I have a business. My wife shows no interest in it. We have investments that my wife shows no interest in. I like watching Hockey and Football and she never has taken an interest. I don't expect her to be the same as me.

But I still enjoy her company. I still look forward to seeing her everyday. We watch some of the same programs at night. We like travelling together. Walking together. She has taken more of an interest in golfing and we are going to be doing that more together this year.

I hope you realize what you are losing before you go for greener pastures. Many people would kill for a 'trophy' wife who has stuck by you for 20 years.


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## arbitrator

*Have you two gone to MC(Marriage Counselling) yet?*


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## Mrs Chai

SadSamIAm said:


> This is sad.
> We have investments that my wife shows no interest in. I like watching Hockey and Football and she never has taken an interest. I don't expect her to be the same as me.
> 
> But I still enjoy her company. I still look forward to seeing her everyday. We watch some of the same programs at night. We like travelling together. Walking together. She has taken more of an interest in golfing and we are going to be doing that more together this year.
> 
> I hope you realize what you are losing before you go for greener pastures. Many people would kill for a 'trophy' wife who has stuck by you for 20 years.



Agreed. I feel like you're imposing what you want her to change about herself, instead of encouraging her to explore her own personal growth. 

Everybody has something they are passionate about. Some people hide it because they are afraid others will look down on it.

I love reading. I devour books. My husband hates it. Sometimes that makes me sad that he doesn't share that love. I love going to the bookstore and browsing. Going to the library. He gets so bored. On the flip side he really likes his gun collections - goes to gun shows, reads magazines - BORING for me. But he can talk forever about this kind of stuff. 

I still do try to encourage him to read - its good for the brain - but I also respect his feelings about it. Same as he does with my disinterest for his guns or other hobbies that we don't share mutual interest in. I don't discourage him, he doesn't discourage me.

You may have to accept that she might not be passionate about history, science, or logic. She may be about flowers, or hairstyles, or fashion. It doesn't mean it's not a thing for her to pursue.

Encourage her to explore that - do a fashion blog, start a garden! - even if you have no interest in it.

Find something you guys can share outside of childrearing. You were attracted to this woman for more than just her looks. You spent time with her before you were married and raising a baby. What did you enjoy doing together then? Find something in the now. Don't stop growing.


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## MarriedDude

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> I suppose for years I dealt with this because she was the trophy wife, as I grow older I suppose I'm needing more substance than beauty.


Have you considered that she, as well, may be having similar thoughts?

The common ground is all there -it sounds as if you have trouble seeing it -but its there...Consider that maybe you can't see the forest for the trees...

Have you considered that maybe you need to engage with her the same way you engage with others? When you look at her do you see simply the woman that bore and raised your children- or do you see this matured woman with a mind, thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams that is most likely dying to share them with you? 

Women that really have nothing to talk about are VERY few and far between. Especially one that is a trophy (though i'm pretty biased as I think most all women are). To put in a too simplistic way...I have always considered my life with my wife to be akin to one of those choose your own endings books..remember those...way back when. Every touch, glance, kiss, discussion had- formulates an infinite number of possibilities. An infinite number of possible outcomes. Shared History and Expectation can be very cruel in that it limits our potentials- it limits our ability to be surprised- limits our happiness and opportunities for fulfillment. 

The substance that you so desire is most likely there -don't forget that people , especially over time, see only what they expect to see. Not what is really there. 

Just something to think about -from time to time -we all need to simply open our eyes to the reality of the beauty all around us. 

Talk to her- engage her -give her the chance to surprise you with her understanding and view of the life you both share. I seriously doubt that she will disappoint.


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## SamuraiJack

Ah…the aging trophy wife…or rather the angst of the person who married one of them...

I almost feel sorry for you…almost. 

I see where you are coming from and it may be that you are right. What you really need to do is start appreciating her for WHAT SHE IS.
I see you comparing her to what you don’t have…so try it the other way.

You knew she had quiet tastes when you married her…so why is this such a surprise now.
There are more things to people than just simple looks or combinations of things…it’s EVERYTHING about them that makes them what they are.

So a beautiful gal who is a great mother ( and will make a bloody fantastic grandmother!) sticks by you for 20 years and your complaining?
I know men who would KILL to have even half of that.

I have this odd philosophy that as people develop they all have about 10, 000 points to distribute. Okay so she is a little low in the intelligence department…but she is freakin STACKED in the loyalty department. The fact that she asks you seemingly simple things is because she TRUSTS you implicitly. She sounds like a really nice genuine person who is drama free.

I think the problem is really more you than anything. I note that you keep using phrases like “better yourself”…this implies that you feel you are somehow better than she is and she needs to come up to your level. You might not realize you are doing it, but this is classic arrogance and a thinking error which will eventually cause you harm.

The ability to accept a person for exactly what they are is the foundation of love and trust. 
It’s not your job to “fix” her.
She isn’t broken.
You are projecting your insecurities onto her…which I am certain hurts her a lot…although I’m pretty certain she keeps it well hidden in the name of keeping your marriage going.
Every time you imply she isn’t good enough, you chip away at the person she is.
Think about it, she has been putting up with this sh1t for 20 years.

I used to street race when I was younger. 
Speed was my thing.
189 mph was my top…and I loved every second of it.
Know what I drive now? 
A freakin Saturn Vue ( with the Honda V6)…because it starts EVERY morning!!!
There is a lot to be said for loyalty and consistency.

Granted this is just an initial reaction, but it sounds like a little voice in your head is telling you that if you don’t have the newest style of wife that you won’t be one of the cool kids. That voice is putting pressure on you to change a person without their consent to fill a need inside YOU.
We all know how that situation always turns out in the end. 
Time to find out where that voice comes from and either tame it…or tell it to STFU.


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## john117

The OP comments describe my wife - work, work out, TV, sleep. If you try to engage her in conversation she goes into Fox News mode.

Basically no intellectual curiosity to see beyond her material wealth. She punched her card for education, career, McMansion, BMW, family... (In that order) And that's all she wrote.

Anyone who sees her would think she's a trophy wife... I don't think so.


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## alte Dame

I've encountered this a number of times in recent years, both among friends and colleagues. When we are young, our desire for physical attraction can easily outweigh a need for an intellectual match. Once we are older, the intellect becomes more and more important in terms of establishing intimacy and, especially, respect for our partners.

In the cases I've witnessed, the couples have divorced, always to the bewilderment of the less intellectually engaged spouse. That spouse feels that the bar was raised mid-marriage and it feels unfair.

In these marriages, I always noted creeping contempt on the part of the unfulfilled spouse & this was a death knell.


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## Openminded

People change as time goes on, obviously. And sometimes we pick wrong when we are young because we focused on the wrong things. When I married at 21 it was very important to me that my husband be my intellectual equal and he was (actually he's my superior -- by far). He was also a very handsome boy (not yet a man at 21) but that was secondary. 

For the four and a half decades we were married, I was never bored with his brilliant mind. We are still friends so I still get to enjoy his mind. Marriage, for me, would have been a wasteland for all those decades without the stimulation of the mind.


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## lifeistooshort

Hey guys, this is what can happen when you think solely with your dvck. I wonder how the response would differ if a woman came here and said she'd married her hb for money because when she was younger she needed money and stability but now that she' older attraction is important and she's tempted by other men. Come to think of it I've seen threads like this and the responses are generally not supportive.

That being said maybe it would be a kindness to let her find someone who doesn't look down on her, but make sure you give her a fair settlement.

And as was already said if you're looking for an excuse to cheat you won't find it here. Whatever you do make sure you do it with honor. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude

lifeistooshort said:


> Hey guys, this is what can happen when you think solely with your dvck. I wonder how the response would differ if a woman came here and said she'd married her hb for money because when she was younger she needed money and stability but now that she' older attraction is important and she's tempted by other men. Come to think of it I've seen threads like this and the responses are generally not supportive.
> 
> That being said maybe it would be a kindness to let her find someone who doesn't look down on her, but make sure you give her a fair settlement.
> 
> *And as was already said if you're looking for an excuse to cheat you won't find it here. Whatever you do make sure you do it with honor. *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THIS ^^^^^^^

I strive to be as supportive as possible BUT I do hope you aren't expecting a sympathetic shoulder to lean on and lament that you feel that you have outgrown your wife.


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## Betrayedone

karole said:


> So, your wife is getting older and her looks aren't quite what they used to be as she's getting older. Could that really be what is bothering you rather than her lack of conversational abilities? If so, you are a shallow man. I feel sorry for your wife. Tell her the truth and set her free - she deserves someone to love her for her - not for what she looks like.


You know....This site used to be a valuable source for me when I really needed help, and received it. This poster asked a valid question and raised a valid issue that is important to him and most of what he is receiving is snarky condemnation. Time to re-focus on the true mission of this site.


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## john117

Not all trophy wives are born trophies. Some are self-made. Some have no idea they become trophy wives. 

By the same token I'm a trophy husband rofl in the sense that on paper I look awesome. 

Reality is different.


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## Happilymarried25

Since trophy wives usually marry homely older rich men, you probably aren't much of a catch besides what's in your wallet. If you divorce her I hope she takes you to the cleaners. Shame on you for degrading your wife. I have a feeling it isn't just about the fact that she doesn't take a class, she is 20 years older now and you are probably looking for a younger trophy wife. Men like you need a young women on their arm to boost their ego.


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## john117

Not necessarily, it's not about the ego. Sometimes at least. It's about companionship, shared interests, and shared outlook in life. 

Look at the OP talking points... Have a conversation... Companionship... Hobbies... 

Is my wife "shallow" intellectually despite her fabled education? Yea. She is a genius in a narrow field and not much else. General Hospital? Really? 

She has aged intellectually in the last 10 years. Appearance has not degraded much, but she aged 40 years in the last decade. 

I would love to be with someone who, for example, shares my passion for aviation. Nope. Photography. Nope. Travel. Nope. Art. Check. Music. Nope. Design. Nope. Cycling. Check. Books. Nope. Model Airplanes. Nope. Etc. Etc. 

Now I understand a lot of those are guy things. But conversation? She used to be a liberal like me then Fox News took it's toll on her... 

Companionship? Mega epic lolz. Not happening.

That's what it's all about.


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## 6301

Before you throw the towel in, maybe you both should go see a MC and get it out and on the table. It's not like your always fighting and screaming at each other. You need to accept her for who she is and this is who she is and on the other side of the coin, she needs to educate herself.


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## lifeistooshort

john117 said:


> Not all trophy wives are born trophies. Some are self-made. Some have no idea they become trophy wives.
> 
> *By the same token I'm a trophy husband rofl in the sense that on paper I look awesome. *
> 
> Reality is different.


Why? Do you take good pictures


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## john117

Not only do I take excellent pictures (go Nikon!) but I'm very well versed in Photoshop so... Of course I look good on paper


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## CarlaRose

Now that the urgent demands of your little head have waned, your big head hates that you didn't use him in the first place.

Well, I guess I've now heard ALL the reasons possible that people make themselves unhappy.

Yours is the kind of problem that should make *irreconcilable difference* illegal. You should be made to stay in this marriage AND make that woman utterly happy for the rest of your life. Complain all you want, but you did this and thought it was such a good idea at the time. So stick with it. Lack of clever conversation cannot be the worst thing to live with.


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## lifeistooshort

incidentally, this is why women who are hot but stupid HAVE to gold dig while they can. One of two things can happen: either she'll age and be replaced by a younger model or hubby will one day stop thinking with his dvck and realize she's stupid and he can't have a conversation with her. Try to keep this in mind next time you're trashing a gold digger 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sammy64

IMO, people grow apart, It happens. It happened to me and my STX. She is a great mother, but we have grown so far apart, physical, emotional and sexually that we both think/thought it’s not even worth it any longer to stay together. This is after 17 yrs. of marriage.


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## Happilymarried25

Sammy64 said:


> IMO, people grow apart, It happens. It happened to me and my STX. She is a great mother, but we have grown so far apart, physical, emotional and sexually that we both think/thought it’s not even worth it any longer to stay together. This is after 17 yrs. of marriage.


When couples grow apart it means they got lazy and quite trying as a couple. Divorce is an easy way out. Why was the OP fine with his wife then they were dating, engaged and married for 20 years and now all of a sudden she isn't smart enough for him? I'm not buying it. He is probably cheating on her with someone young and hot like she was.


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## john117

Nope. I'm not just buying it, I'm living it. 

It's not a matter of stupid. My wife is quite intelligent and accomplished professionally. 

But she's so self centered over the last 7-8 years that she can't carry a conversation on anything other than her life or work. Not with her kids and not with me. 

Hobbies? TV, Netflix, and exercise. All solitary. 

Intimacy? Lolz.


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## Sammy64

Happilymarried25 said:


> When couples grow apart it means they got lazy and quite trying as a couple. Divorce is an easy way out. Why was the OP fine with his wife then they were dating, engaged and married for 20 years and now all of a sudden she isn't smart enough for him? I'm not buying it. He is probably cheating on her with someone young and hot like she was.


I would also agree, but when one person does not want to work on it, then its a dead horse. In OUR case, My STB was getting her emotional needs meet by the birth of our daughter. We both talked about it, I was pushed out of the family for 10 yrs, we went to MC, and even the Therapist said that is what was going on. Maybe we should not have gotten married, but we did and lived the good life. People can and sometimes do grow apart, at least in my case .


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## IMARRIEDTROPHY

Sorry been traveling and haven't had much time to respond. Thanks for all the replies. A quick response now and more information later.

First the easy items; have never had an affair and I’m definitely not looking for one now - my wife is still stunning and has aged very well, she’s a beautiful woman - I’m absolutely not looking for a new young hot piece of arm candy or to leave this marriage for a younger model of my wife - I’m of average looks and I definitely punched above my weight with my wife, however, I’m not Quasimodo LOL.


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## sammy3

OP,

My h has a best friend that lives with his wife of 20 odds years and feels she as motivated as a potted plant. She cant hold a conversation about anything, and it's amazing how little she knows about the world. 

It is very difficult to have spirited conversation around her, she just goes blank. 

He too worries about retiring as he is a few years away, as it is now, his job keeps him traveling a lot. 

He has started now to develop a lot of different activities , ask wife to join him.((which is usually no)) He does join wife in her stuff sometimes too. 

Is he happy? nope. Is she? She is as blind as a bat. She tells me what a wonderful marriage they have and what wonderful retirement dreams.

He does love her, wants her life to be good, knows if he walks wife's life will be in ruins... 

So op, I imagine you aren't alone out there as there's a lot of lonesome people out with & without partners. 

~sammy


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## SamuraiJack

john117 said:


> She used to be a liberal like me then Fox News took it's toll on her...


Please accept my condolences for your loss.
It happens to the best of us.


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## Flying_Dutchman

While you deserve some credit for acknowledging your changing priorities it's all but undone by stating that your wife has done nothing wrong in a post that's chock-a-block of things that're 'wrong' with her.

You give few specifics of your (trophy/mother) wife's qualities so you'll have to forgive any stereotyping I resort to to make my points.

There's an unfortunate theme of intellectual snobbery pervading your post. So, she doesn't know the VP of the USA. She likes shopping. Maybe she knows the names of all the presenters on the shopping channel. Do you?

Maybe you know where the river Nile is and even its length but can you bake 5 types of cup-cakes for a kids' birthday party?

Outside of stuff we need to know for work and running the home,, any other knowledge is superfluous and pertinent only to our personal interests.

"Better herself"? She's raised your kid(s) without complaint from you. How does knowing the names and titles of politicians make her 'better'. Nobody gets hurt by her not knowing them. If you don't learn the cast of a TV show you're not interested in,, does that make you 'worse'?

You're expecting her to invest in stuff you like while dismissing stuff she likes. BOTH are superfluous to your ascribed roles. Seemingly, you've both excelled at your roles - this is about leisure time.

Her interest in shopping is an asset if she shops for the home and family. It lifts a huge weight from you and saves you a heap of time. Time you can spend indulging YOUR interest in affairs of Congress which contributes nothing at all domestically. It just makes you feel good about you,, able to hold your own amongst your peers. Well, your wife's shopping and other domestic duties have enabled you to do that. Maybe she'd know more politicians if she weren't vacuuming or scrubbing YOUR shower.

There is no more onus on your wife to want to discuss affairs of State than there is for you to want to discuss the ingredients of a tikka sauce. One is not better or worse than another.

You may not be having an EA but you are coveting the 'intellectual prowess' (as you perceive it) of your female peers. The grass is looking greener - the foundation stone of every affair ever.

For you,, each time one of these women sounds off about Hilary Clinton or names the third highest mountain your wife looks a little bit dumber and your resentment builds. Well, she ain't dumb,, she just has different interests and priorities. The grass won't be so green when your new, professional bride expects you to do more chores (shopping) than your current one and calls you an àsshole for not voting the same way she does. Beyond her ability to hold a decent convo she may lack ALL the things that've kept you with your wife for 20 years - largely contentedly.

Methinks you owe it to your wife and yourself to appreciate the qualities she does have. She's different - not better or worse. Look for common ground instead of reasons to divorce her.

You're 'bigging up' just ONE quality of these other women - a quality superfluous to day-to-day beyond a shared leisure interest - and allowing it to override the qualities of your wife,, who seemingly excells at the practical stuff since you haven't described a 20 year nightmare. Quite the opposite.

Intellectual prowess or a hot, tight àss,, it amounts to the same thing. Coveting what you don't have while failing to recognise what you have already.

You can enjoy the brains (or the àss) at work. Why throw away what's been good for 20 years for something that might be the only quality these other women have?

You need to think on how your thinking has become skewed before leaping into something you may regret - like tens of thousands before you.

There's a LOT more to a good wife than a satisfying after dinner convo. You don't even know that these women don't prefer shopping when they get home. They have their 'work face' on just the same as you do.

THINK about it. Long and hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

That you have different likes and hobbies is normal. What's odd to me is that you don't understand the difference between men and women. Do you go to the gym? Have you considered she does that for you?

You need counseling, you come off as immature and selfish.

I wonder how your kids will think of you when you dump their mother? 

I feel so sorry for your wife.


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## Chaparral

john117 said:


> The OP comments describe my wife - work, work out, TV, sleep. If you try to engage her in conversation she goes into Fox News mode.
> 
> Basically no intellectual curiosity to see beyond her material wealth. She punched her card for education, career, McMansion, BMW, family... (In that order) And that's all she wrote.
> 
> Anyone who sees her would think she's a trophy wife... I don't think so.


That she has the sense to watch Fox news is enough for me and that's coming from an ex left wing liberal. As a matter of fact, if what you seem to be implying, she's making major concessions to put up with you.


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## john117

The sign of an intellectual is discourse - discussion and thought. Despite her superb education she goes straight into Fox News driven opinion mode with major contradictions between her individual situation and the rest of the world.


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## lifeistooshort

john117 said:


> The sign of an intellectual is discourse - discussion and thought. Despite her superb education she goes straight into Fox News driven opinion mode with major contradictions between her individual situation and the rest of the world.


It's amazing to me how many otherwise bright people do this. I know one guy who is a brilliant doctor, but try to have a political discussion and it quickly turns into Rush soundbites. I'm a libertarian myself, but I've met very few conservatives who could actually carry on a thoughtful conversation.....that's 40 years of Republican brainwashing. Even when there's a great point to be made on the side of conservative thought they have no idea how to make it because they don't actually know why they think what they do, so they quickly resort to name calling.

On the other hand I've met more liberals who were able to explain why they took the position they did. I often disagree with their perspective but I appreciate that they can explain it and have put some thought into it.


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## Flying_Dutchman

LOL.

Even opposed soccer fans can find mutual ground in hating on the referee.

Left/right dogmatists haven't reached that level of maturity.

"Just feed me the soundbites."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> First and foremost I do want to say I love my wife and she's done absolutely nothing to lead me to this point. She is who I married.
> 
> Issue is 20 years later as we're growing older I'm finding my priorities changing and she cannot satisfy these priorities. What was important to me 20 years ago has been replaced with wanting to have a companion who I can have a conversation with, someone I can share hobbies with, someone I have things in common with.
> 
> Now that our son is older we seem to have nothing in common, I become frustrated with her lack of interest in anything other than shopping and going to the gym, her refusal to better herself. For instance, it's difficult having a conversation with someone who cannot name the Vice President of the US or even the capital of the state we moved to 5 years ago.
> 
> I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated when she'll ask me for help with the most basic things like asking me what half of a 1/4 cup is.
> 
> Dinners conversation lasts less than a couple of minutes, phone calls home when I travel are practically silent.
> 
> I've suggested she read a book, take a class, become involved in something to better herself but she shows no interest.
> 
> I do not think I can continue to live like this and fear divorce may be the only way to maintain my sanity. I cannot imagine living out my retirement years with someone who cannot engage in a conversation or the extent of her conversation skills last less than a couple of minutes.
> 
> I suppose for years I dealt with this because she was the trophy wife, as I grow older I suppose I'm needing more substance than beauty.
> 
> I've been faithful to my wife, however, I will admit it's becoming increasingly difficult. My job puts me in positions where I meet and interact with accomplished women; I find myself greatly enjoying dinners with them, drinks etc. Long conversations covering a wide variety of topics, very stimulating.
> 
> I find myself feeling bad for her as she's done nothing wrong, she is who I married but I see a miserable future ahead.


IMT,
My W was not the valedictorian nor attempted to be the head of the class. She too will ask me what a 1/4 cup constitutes. But you know, I did not marry my W for intellectual capabilities. I married my W because she someone I enjoyed my time with. It did not matter what we did. We enjoyed each others company. Sure, the conversation was not engaging, etc. However, I get enough of that work. It is not a competition nor one upmanship. It is the woman that understands me and supports me in my hobbies/work/life, etc. Yes, she shops and likes to watch TV. I will shop or sit and watch with my W. It is what married people do.

Would you prefer a woman that is constantly correcting you or proving you wrong? Everything is a competition? Consider the other end of the spectrum. Perhaps a woman who is more than your equal intellectually? How would that sit with you? These women you engage at work who are so stimulating mentally, how long does that conversation last beyond a sandwich at lunch? What quirks and silly stuff do these women do that you are not aware of. You only see them at work in the work environment. One might be that crazy cat lady you hear about. The grass is not always greener on the other side as they say. 

I have a historic vehicle. I take the car to car shows and fund raisers. I get my intellectual stimulation at these shows. My guy friends that also participate talk shop as it were. When I go home I'm finished talking cars and gladly look to have quiet time with my W. I also work all day. It is nothing but stress and competition. When my day is done I look forward to quiet time with my W. I get enough jibber jabber all day. I don't need it when I get home. We talk of course but it is not heavy duty Alex Trebek questioning. 

I'm of age to really start thinking about retirement. I can say my W is the one I will retire with. The rat race takes it out of you. A quiet place to spend quite time with my W is what I desire at this point. I do not see that changing. I intend on tinkering with my cars and attending shows. My W is more than welcome to attend as she sometimes does. Nothing like my trophy wife sitting in our fully restored 54 Buick. I do not sit and dwell on what little conversation I might have with my W when retired. I dwell on things we will do together. Trips and such. These are things that stimulate talking and conversation. 

So what to do? Find people in a hobby that are intellectually stimulating. Book clubs. Whatever works for you. Get your fill there. Return home to for your quiet time and a W that has stood by you through it all. 

You are responsible for your own happiness. The miserable future as you put it is only miserable because you are putting what you perceive as misery in your W lap. I don't see that is fair. You need to include your W of 20 some odd years as part of the total overall picture that makes up your life. I do with my W. We certainly will not sit and discuss the ramification of Roe V. Wade. I understand this and if I did want to discuss it I would find a person that could discuss such a court ruling. If I want to relax, feel warmth, love, laugh, enjoyment and know that there is one person in the entire mud ball we call earth that will see me through until the end, it is my W.


And I would like to add...stop comparing your W to these other women at work that have stimulating conversations. You are comparing apples to oranges.

There is a saying the retired men look to make their W a project because guys need projects. Your W is not a project. But I can assure you she will support you in any project you wish to pursue.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> Sorry been traveling and haven't had much time to respond. Thanks for all the replies. A quick response now and more information later.
> 
> First the easy items; have never had an affair and I’m definitely not looking for one now - my wife is still stunning and has aged very well, she’s a beautiful woman - I’m absolutely not looking for a new young hot piece of arm candy or to leave this marriage for a younger model of my wife - I’m of average looks and I definitely punched above my weight with my wife, however, I’m not Quasimodo LOL.


Thanks for clarifying bc after you compared her with your female counterparts, I was getting concerned. If you have time, read some of the other forums where hubbies are complaining about issues such as a sexless marriage or being married to a woman who is mean and cold. It will make you appreciate your trophy wife a lot better. Someone always has it worse, and your situation doesn't even seem close to worse. Get away, go to a nice resort and rekindle that fire you once had for her. We just made the 20 yr mark and are making it a point to get away by ourselves at least twice a yr. it really does help just to take 2-4 days where you can just focus on each other and have fun. I think it's normal to feel like something's missing after 20 yrs, but that doesn't mean that it's time to start all over again, just to find something that isn't missing with someone else.


----------



## Yeswecan

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Thanks for clarifying bc after you compared her with your female counterparts, I was getting concerned. If you have time, read some of the other forums where hubbies are complaining about issues such as a sexless marriage or being married to a woman who is mean and cold. It will make you appreciate your trophy wife a lot better. Someone always has it worse, and your situation doesn't even seem close to work. Get away, go to a nice resort and rekindle that fire you once had for her. We just made the 20 yr mark and are making it a point to get away by ourselves at least twice a yr. it really does help just to take 2-4 days where you can just focus on each other and have fun. I think it's normal to feel like something's missing after 20 yrs, but that doesn't mean that it's time to start all over again, just to find something that isn't missing with someone else.


I would be concerned with comparing your W to the women at work. Not because of a possible EA and such. Because it is not fair to your W who is not part of that group that understands your day to day work environment. It apples and oranges. Both very different. 

I agree, after 20 years(kids grown), it is time to enjoy things you did not get to do for 20 years with kids in tow. Our kids are not in their late teens. One is in college. We are free to do as we wish. My W and I do. We only began this in the past year and what a blast we have together. There is plenty to talk about with each place we go. Do not expect your W to entertain you. Expect to plan things together that are entertaining as well as mentally stimulating for you. 

My W enjoys the Amish country. The crafts, stores and such. We plan the trip. Much to talk about during and after the day. I enjoy old cars and museums. We plan a trip to a car museum and just museums. Much to talk about during the days adventure. Much to talk about after the day is done.


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## Canon in D

I have not been married for 20 years. I like to say it would be hurtful to hear from a spouse that he wants out because I'm boring him. All the years of devotion, love, time, youth, given to the family. You must be her everything. Discarding her away now sounds selfish. Like you can go on with your life and your career while she lost her youth and everything for you.

Have you done more than suggesting her to read? How about give her a few book choices and let her pick. Find out what she prefers and you guys can play a "game". Read the book, discuss about it, test each other and the one with more scores gets rewarded with something. If she is not into reading this may interest her. Find something the two of you will like doing together. Road trip, gardening... Whatever that works not just for you, but for her too. You dislike shopping, but have you sat down and listen to her exciting buys? Does she or did she try sharing those information with you? If she did, did you show an interest or not? Do you make her feel stupid? Do you make her feel less of herself? I hope you don't discard her like a pet you got tired of and send it to the SPCA. Unless it's something terrible she has done, but if not, what's the point of till death do we part? How about till we get bored we will part then?

I'm sorry if I'm imposing my expectations or beliefs on you. I sincerely hope you will work it out with your spouse. If you can, tell her how you feel. It would be only fair if you give her a chance and get some MC together.


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## Blondilocks

Read the newspaper together. Ask her what she thinks of an article and why. You may find she has many views on what's going on in the world but doesn't think you would be interested in hearing them.


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## Yeswecan

Truth be told ImarriedTrophy, your W is not the problem. You are. You have changed. She has remained the same. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if she is tired of living with the scholar and is quite bored with talking points and counter points? She would much prefer going to dinners and shows. Travel a bit and enjoy life and not the debate. Seems odd but perhaps she feels this way. 

So, since you decided you need a change because your W does not talk about much or hold a conversation on the writings of Plato she apparently will make you miserable, how do you plan on broaching the subject? Reading over you original post I detect some anger issues. You get upset having to answer what is a simple answer for you but one that your W can not answer hence the asking. 

None of this is your W fault yet it appears she will suffer the consequences for basically just being.


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## john117

I knew I found the right person for an IA (intellectual affair ) when (a) she creamed us in Trivial Pursuit repeatedly and (b) she correctly knew who Supermarine was... This person has a remarkable liberal arts background and is an educator.

My wife, on the other hand, despite her superb analytical and computer skills, would lose to a cat in Trivial Pursuit and has zero curiosity in general. No interest in travel, culture, etc unless it involves stuff she can lug home. Her only interests are domestic or her work.


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## Blondilocks

Trivial Pursuit hardly qualifies as 'intellectual'. Think about it - it's called Trivial for a reason. For all you know, the woman had bought all the versions of Trivial Pursuit and memorized the answers.


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## john117

True, but we have spent many hours discussing far deeper issues and she's hardly the superficial knowledge person.


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## Flying_Dutchman

No such thing as easy quizzes or hard quizzes. Only quizzes you know the answers to and quizzes you don't.

I'd wipe the floor with a Justin B fan at a quiz about Stravinsky. They'd kick my àss if it were the other way around. 

There's no superiority to it. It's just what ya know or don't know.

My ex wouldn't know what 'critical mass' meant,, but she could muster an excellent roast dinner. I need and like to eat. Sustaining nuclear fission,, not so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117

It's not whether one knows or doesn't know per se. It is that they have the intellectual curiosity to learn.

I have picked up some very handy skills over the years and in fact made a career out if them. Why? Because I love to learn. I am curious. Inquisitive.


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## Flying_Dutchman

You're taking something you enjoy and enhancing your life with it, John. No problem with that or with seeking like minded types.

No problem with intellectualism,,, BIG problem with people using specialised knowledge to insinuate that people who don't know it are, stupid, thick, or 'retarded'. 

Intellectual bullying is as vile as any other type.

Not accusing you of anything,, just sayin',, enjoyment of learning receipes and putting them to use is every bit as 'worthy', if that's what rocks somebody's boat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117

Agreed. 

Unfortunately I'm dealing with an individual whose intellectual curiosity is that of a sofa. Not much... I am elated if she ever researches a recipe online 

She's good in what she does, but very narrow intellectually. And that severely limits our already strained relationship...


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## Chaparral

lifeistooshort said:


> It's amazing to me how many otherwise bright people do this. I know one guy who is a brilliant doctor, but try to have a political discussion and it quickly turns into Rush soundbites. I'm a libertarian myself, but I've met very few conservatives who could actually carry on a thoughtful conversation.....that's 40 years of Republican brainwashing. Even when there's a great point to be made on the side of conservative thought they have no idea how to make it because they don't actually know why they think what they do, so they quickly resort to name calling.
> 
> On the other hand I've met more liberals who were able to explain why they took the position they did. I often disagree with their perspective but I appreciate that they can explain it and have put some thought into it.


Liberals have ran this country for the last six years. I truly hope that's worked out better for you than the vast majority of us.

Even the rest of the world, that was so in favor of "regime" change seems to be going to hell without American leadership.

I just cant get over an administration that doesn't have a clue what to do when a terrorist organization starts burning people to death and cutting heads off by the thousands.

I guess having principles and courage is a requirement for high public office.


----------



## Flying_Dutchman

I know, John. I've seen the messages. All cases are unique. Yours, especially so.

I'm more 'general theme' here. Try to see the good in people and celebrate it,, and their differences.

It's not for us to 'get' why somebody does or likes something,, or for them to 'get' us. If it's harmless, it's all good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Observer

OP, a lot of marriages end after 20 years for the very same reason you are describing. Who we are at 20 is different than who we are at 40. So, you are two different people now. You can divorce and find someone more compatiable, sure. The other option, and one I hope you choose, is that you go to counseling together. You need to find things you enjoy together, but also repsect individual interests. She needs to know how you feel too. 

do you have a healthy sex life?


----------



## lifeistooshort

Chaparral said:


> Liberals have ran this country for the last six years. I truly hope that's worked out better for you than the vast majority of us.
> 
> Even the rest of the world, that was so in favor of "regime" change seems to be going to hell without American leadership.
> 
> I just cant get over an administration that doesn't have a clue what to do when a terrorist organization starts burning people to death and cutting heads off by the thousands.
> 
> I guess having principles and courage is a requirement for high public office.


Principals and courage to do what? Send other people's kids to get killed so contractors and big republican donors can make a bunch of money? 

These countries will go to hvll anyway, the US isn't going to march in and put an end to years of tribal infighting. We don't have the resources to occupy half the world. This is an Arab fight, let let them fight their own battles. 

And if you'd read my post I said I dont necessarily agree with my liberal friends, just that they seem to better understand whet where their viewpoint comes from. 

And let's not forget that the last republican administration was less than truthful and got us into a never ending conflict which basically accomplished nothing. Yep, takes a ton of courage to send everyone else's kids and not even include the cost in the budget. 

Conservatives are good at tough talk, but they fvck things up too. Courage and stupidity are not mutually exclusive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan

Observer said:


> OP, a lot of marriages end after 20 years for the very same reason you are describing. Who we are at 20 is different than who we are at 40. So, you are two different people now. You can divorce and find someone more compatiable, sure. The other option, and one I hope you choose, is that you go to counseling together. *You need to find things you enjoy together, but also repsect individual interests.* She needs to know how you feel too.


^^^^This. 

There are many marriages that work with just a simple common interest and respect for individual interests.


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## sammy3

I think the damage has been long coming in your marriage, on your side. I think you have been slowly falling out of love with your wife, and now you see her as a lovely women and understand why you fell in love with her, but you are no longer in love with her. 

I think also you may be close to, or in,or having, a mid life crises, which is crying out that you have more years behind you than in front, but still know you have many good years ahead that you want to live to your fullest. IMHO...

Have you tried just being level with your wife? Talk with her and tell her where you are coming from? Give her a chance to listen and hear you, talk with you? 

My hubby had issues he said that brought him to his affair. They were thing about him that he was unhappy about. Instead of talking with me when he was starting to question a lot he turned to another women. Had he just talked with me first, he would have learned that I too where having issues that he was surprised I had. He thought he had it all covered on his end! OMG !!!! I freaked when I realized he didnt even "think" of what I might have been going through...oh no, it was all about him...

So start off, ask your wife right out, "Honey, are you happy in this marriage, yourself, with me, what am I doing right or wrong? How can we make it stronger" Listen...then start the dialog, be honest from where you are coming from... 

~sammy


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## yeah_right

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> *First and foremost I do want to say I love my wife and she's done absolutely nothing to lead me to this point. She is who I married.*
> 
> *Issue is 20 years later as we're growing older I'm finding my priorities changing and she cannot satisfy these priorities.* What was important to me 20 years ago has been replaced with wanting to have a companion who I can have a conversation with, someone I can share hobbies with, someone I have things in common with.
> 
> *Now that our son is older we seem to have nothing in common,* I become frustrated with her lack of interest in anything other than shopping and going to the gym, her refusal to better herself. For instance, it's difficult having a conversation with someone who cannot name the Vice President of the US or even the capital of the state we moved to 5 years ago.
> 
> I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated when she'll ask me for help with the most basic things like asking me what half of a 1/4 cup is.
> 
> Dinners conversation lasts less than a couple of minutes, phone calls home when I travel are practically silent.
> 
> I've suggested she read a book, take a class, become involved in something to better herself but she shows no interest.
> 
> I do not think I can continue to live like this and fear divorce may be the only way to maintain my sanity. I cannot imagine living out my retirement years with someone who cannot engage in a conversation or the extent of her conversation skills last less than a couple of minutes.
> 
> I suppose for years I dealt with this because she was the trophy wife, as I grow older I suppose I'm needing more substance than beauty.
> 
> *I've been faithful to my wife, however, I will admit it's becoming increasingly difficult. My job puts me in positions where I meet and interact with accomplished women; I find myself greatly enjoying dinners with them, drinks etc. Long conversations covering a wide variety of topics, very stimulating.*
> 
> I find myself feeling bad for her as she's done nothing wrong, she is who I married but I see a miserable future ahead.



A few random musings/opinions...

You knew who she was when you married her. You admit she has done nothing wrong. If you're telling us you married her only because she looked good on your arm, then that's on you.

Why is it her responsibility to satisfy your "changing priorities"? I'm not being snarky, I'd really like to know.

You shouldn't be going with other women one-on-one for dinners, drinks and long conversations. Where I come from, that's called DATING, and is strongly frowned upon for married folks...especially on TAM.

My diagnosis is you're entering your mid-life crisis. If your wife had not been a "trophy" you might be on here instead saying you have intelligent discussions with her but she's put on 30 lbs since marriage and you find yourself enjoying the company of young, fit females. I think you are looking for something because you feel unfulfilled. Again, that's on you.

If you truly feel you have no future with your wife, I would beg you to divorce her now, while she still has time to find love again...and to bestow her with a hefty financial settlement.


----------



## Married but Happy

People often change over the years. Their priorities and needs change. What was once important may no longer matter, and vice versa. You may be able to negotiate a satisfactory compromise to the issues those changes create, but if not it's best to go your separate ways.


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## Blondilocks

Before people expected their spouses to be their best friends, they had groups & clubs where they explored their interests. It's not healthy to expect a person to fulfill your every need. And, it's not healthy to go looking for another one person to fill those voids.


----------



## Yeswecan

Blondilocks said:


> Before people expected their spouses to be their best friends, they had groups & clubs where they explored their interests. It's not healthy to expect a person to fulfill your every need. And, it's not healthy to go looking for another one person to fill those voids.


Agreed. 

I don't expect my W to know the torque pattern on a 264 nailhead intake. She has been driving for 25 years. Shouldn't she know by now? Oh well, let me go find a woman that does know the pattern. This is how this how the OP comes off to me. My car stuff is my car stuff. I have a group of guys I get my fill of car stuff with. That is my interest. I don't expect my W to fill that need for me.

If the OP likes meaningful debate and intellectual chit chat join a book club. You don't send your W packing because she has no interest in that. Nor ever be a Rhodes Scholar.


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## john117

My hobbies and interests:

Reading
Music
Art
Travel
Cycling
Photography

My wife's hobbies and Interests

Her house
Her work
Mindless TV 
Her art collection
Landscaping
Right wing politics
Cycling
Exercise
Herself


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## Yeswecan

Let me fill in mine:




john117 said:


> My hobbies and interests:
> 
> Reading
> Music
> Art
> Travel
> Cycling
> Photography
> 
> My wife's hobbies and Interests
> 
> Her house
> Her work
> Mindless TV
> Her art collection
> Landscaping
> Right wing politics
> Cycling
> Exercise
> Herself


Me:
Classic Cars
Reading
Video games
Televised programs about cars
Landscaping
Day trips
Simply vegetating by the pool 

My wife:
Her house 
Mindless TV 
Landscaping 
Shopping
Day trips
Simply vegetating by the pool


We get along very well. We have our own interests. However, you will see simply vegetating, day trips and landscaping are a common interest. This is were and how we spend our time together.


----------



## Observer

Are you Liberal John? I ask because you have mentioned a couple times her politics. Perhaps her politics is really turning you off? Maybe this is why you see her as not smart or not interesting? I guess my point, you do not seem to have much respect for her and you need to find out why and see if you can overcome it.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

Observer said:


> Are you Liberal John? I ask because you have mentioned a couple times her politics. Perhaps her politics is really turning you off? Maybe this is why you see her as not smart or not interesting? I guess my point, you do not seem to have much respect for her and you need to find out why and see if you can overcome it.



Every post I've read where he tears down his wife is rather disrespectful. It's like a broken record. Makes me wonder how he treats her. Hope she never accidentally reads his posts!


----------



## Yeswecan

john117 said:


> My hobbies and interests:
> 
> Reading
> Music
> Art
> Travel
> Cycling
> Photography
> 
> My wife's hobbies and Interests
> 
> 
> Right wing politics


John, I'm guessing on voting day you both stay home?


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## john117

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Every post I've read where he tears down his wife is rather disrespectful. It's like a broken record. Makes me wonder how he treats her. Hope she never accidentally reads his posts!



Yet every word I type is 100% true. Truth is hard to read at times. Even harder to live in.

I treat her a lot better than she deserves to be treated. Mostly with indifference and occasional interest if nothing's on TV. 

And she'll never read those posts. I wish she did.


----------



## john117

Yeswecan said:


> John, I'm guessing on voting day you both stay home?



Meh. 

We do vote but I suppose we cancel each other out.


----------



## Yeswecan

john117 said:


> Meh.
> 
> We do vote but I suppose we cancel each other out.


Exactly!


----------



## *LittleDeer*

john117 said:


> My hobbies and interests:
> 
> Reading
> Music
> Art
> Travel
> Cycling
> Photography
> 
> My wife's hobbies and Interests
> 
> Her house
> Her work
> Mindless TV
> Her art collection
> Landscaping
> Right wing politics
> Cycling
> Exercise
> Herself


John the mindless TV. Is bad but the right wing politics is unforgivable.


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## missymrs80

:nono::nono::bunny::nono::nono:


*LittleDeer* said:


> John the mindless TV. Is bad but the right wing politics is unforgivable.


:nono:


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## Xenote2

Sorry if I'm repeating what someone else may have suggested (I may have skipped through a bit) but have you thought of enrolling the two of you into dance lessons, or any sort of outside the house couples activities? Also, as awkward as this may sound but even a premarital seminar/workshop. People can grow apart with age but as the title is "trophy wife" it does suggest you married her for her looks not brains. She may not have the same I telkevt as you but that doesn't mean you can't share some sort of hobby or passion. Chances are you just haven't explored or discovered it yet.


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## Dyokemm

OP,

I am not M, but I have often been in relationships similar to how you describe your M.

I constantly read philosophy, literature, historical or scientific works, etc....in other words I have a tremendous, almost obsessive, intellectual curiosity.

Most of my gf's have not shared my interests, or at least not to that extent.

But I have learned to appreciate the qualities they do have...and I don't need them to be a mirror image of myself.

I still pursue my own intellectual interests....I have a few work colleagues and friends that I can occasionally engage in conversation that would bore my gf's (males so it doesn't lead to EA nonsense)....and show them the care, respect, and love they deserve because they are wonderful women who have shared part of their lives with me.

You have a good W....you made a vow to her....honor, respect, and appreciate the person she is....and do not dwell on what you WISH she would become, as that is both totally unrealistic and unfair.

You vowed to spend your life with this woman and raise a family with her....now you are dissatisfied and want to throw her on the refuse pile because she doesn't 'stimulate' your mind and share your interests?

Pursuing your own intellectual growth and curiosity does not depend on her or any other person...it's a personal and individual thing anyway.

Join a book club or intellectual society and find some good guys to befriend and discuss these things to satisfy your desire for stimulating conversation.....and then appreciate the gifts and things in life that your loyal wife and mother of your kids DOES bring to your M.

Just my two cents.


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## thummper

I have to say that from your descriptions, you have a pretty nice lady. You say she's still beautiful, in great shape, no doubt gets continually hit on by other guys and yet has stayed faithful to you. She has taken the fact that she is your wife seriously. In these days, THAT'S saying a lot. If you didn't know better, after reading all the stories of betrayal and adultery on TAM, you'd think that there were NO faithful women left on the planet, that none of them could be trusted out of your sight. There just HAVE TO BE things that the two of you can get an interest in. This is where a good counselor can help...to help you connect with your spouse on many levels. Please be good to her.  She has earned your love and loyalty and respect. (I know you say you've been faithful, but apparently have been tempted.) She's given you twenty good years. She's the mother of your son. She deserves to be loved and cherished and cuddled and lavished with affection. She may not be all that you say you want in a wife, but she IS yours and no one else's. I wish both of you happiness and success.


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## turnera

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> I find myself feeling bad for her as she's done nothing wrong, she is who I married but I see a miserable future ahead.


So show some integrity and divorce her. Let her find someone who's not so pleased with himself so she can have a happy, healthy, unpretentious life. With someone who shares her interests, whatever they are.


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## katiestadri1

Ironically I do know how you feel. The man I loved at 16 was all I ever dreamed of. Sadly he dropped out of 8th grade and I went on to college and educated myself. 20+ years later I am frustrated that I have to "keep it simple" when we have conversations and try not to laugh when he calls an umpire a referee during a baseball game he clearly is just trying his best to show interest in something I enjoy that he knows nothing about. (yes I am the sports fan he is definitely not). We are complete opposites and I don't dare try to explain the differences between a republican, democrat or a liberal to him because the confusion I would cause him would be earth shattering. However the advice I can offer is that there is true beauty in simple things in life and I enjoy that very simple things like a good horror movie, get him so excited. To make him happy requires almost minimal effort on my part. It is not his fault I am so complex in my intellectual needs. When I am with him I focus on enjoying simple things. A bird in a tree or the beauty of a drive looking at the mountains. It is refreshing to take a break from number crunching, budget balancing, stressing about the next election and local politics. I save that for my college friends. No emotional affair on my part just keep the things I like to talk about reserved for those who enjoy it as much as I do. However when I come home and want to relax and unwind he is just what I need. The bedroom is always a place we get along fantastically and that has never changed. Think long and hard about any decision you make. Sometimes there is a balance and what we think we can live without later in life, we can not. This woman sounds like she will be there when you get old and wipe your backside in a heartbeat without question when the time comes. Keep that in mind.


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## thummper

That was beautifully put, Katie.


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## Slipping

Do you know what a trophy wife is? 
"A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man. His role in the relationship is to be her sugar daddy and provide her with power and material wealth. Hers, beyond providing sex, is to remind others that he is powerful or rich enough to be desirable to such a woman despite his age and thus to serve as a marker of this status -- hence the "trophy" part. A specialized type of gold digger."

There are plenty of women out there who are beautiful, work out and are interesting. I could be wrong, but by what your saying, your implying you only married her because she was young and beautiful and she only married you because you could provide a means for her to be spoiled and not have to do anything else. 

Heres an Interesting read..

Pretty Girl:
What should I do to marry a rich guy? I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(? ), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions: 
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 
2) Which age group should I target? 
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks & are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys 
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, & who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty
...........................................


Reply by CEO of JP Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...

signed,

CEO J.P. Morgan


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## thummper

Slipping said:


> Do you know what a trophy wife is?
> "A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man. His role in the relationship is to be her sugar daddy and provide her with power and material wealth. Hers, beyond providing sex, is to remind others that he is powerful or rich enough to be desirable to such a woman despite his age and thus to serve as a marker of this status -- hence the "trophy" part. A specialized type of gold digger."
> 
> There are plenty of women out there who are beautiful, work out and are interesting. I could be wrong, but by what your saying, your implying you only married her because she was young and beautiful and she only married you because you could provide a means for her to be spoiled and not have to do anything else.
> 
> Heres an Interesting read..
> 
> Pretty Girl:
> What should I do to marry a rich guy? I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(? ), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
> 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
> 2) Which age group should I target?
> 3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks & are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
> 4) How do you decide who can be your wife, & who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
> 
> Ms. Pretty
> ...........................................
> 
> 
> Reply by CEO of JP Morgan:
> 
> Dear Ms. Pretty,
> 
> I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
> 
> By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
> 
> Hope this reply helps. *If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...*
> signed,
> 
> CEO J.P. Morgan


Be interested to know what exactly will be "leased."


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## legaleagle

IMARRIEDTROPHY said:


> I do not think I can continue to live like this and fear divorce may be the only way to maintain my sanity. I cannot imagine living out my retirement years with someone who cannot engage in a conversation or the extent of her conversation skills last less than a couple of minutes.


Although I understand from personal experience what it is like to have a spouse that does not know the name of the vice president, I will tell you this. THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER. And furthermore, you may be trading in one problem for another set of problems that could be worse.


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## ChargingCharlie

I wouldn't say my wife is a trophy wife, but I'm in the same boat as the OP. I follow current events and keep up with what's going on in the world (although I'm a right-wing nut job conservative), and she has no clue about what's happening. It's all about the kids, Candy Crush, and Facebook. I try to explain how my business is going, and she has no idea. Same with our finances - she thinks that money grows on trees because we both make good money. She wants to be popular, so she acts like a teenager, even around teenagers. 

For now, the kids are very young, but I fear what will happen when we're in our mid to late 60's and the kids are out of the house. We'll have absolutely nothing to talk about and the kids will be gone. This is what happens when you let your dvck run your life - we had sex right away and all the time. Now the sex is gone and we have nothing to talk about besides the kids.


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## turnera

ChargingCharlie said:


> I follow current events and keep up with what's going on in the world (although I'm a right-wing nut job conservative), and she has no clue about what's happening. It's all about the kids, Candy Crush, and Facebook.


Good for her.

SHE knows what's important in life - raising a happy, healthy family and protecting one's own interests. And not wasting one's time being super-important and self-absorbed being proud of one's self being a right-wing nut job conservative.

Politics and politicians come and go (and the only thing worth protecting is the environment which, once it's gone, it's forever gone). So the only important part of your life is ensuring that you raise happy, healthy, self-confident, non-pompous and non-self-righteous young adults.

Good for her.


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