# Am I LD?



## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

Hello all,

I was reading another thread and . . . I started worrying . . . 

My H and I have been together for 10 years (married 1yr). I would say that normally we average s*x 2 or 3 times per week. I don’t know if that’s low, high or medium.

However, I am now 4mths pregnant and there has been a drop in quantity! We now only do it once per week! When I was in my early weeks of pregnancy I think we went about 2 weeks with none at all. It's not that I don’t want to, it's just that I'm SO TIRED! I go to bed early every night and even have afternoon naps whenever I can.

I know that if he had his way it would happen more often and I am trying. I have started initiating in the mornings (at weekends) that way I'm refreshed and ready for action but he isn’t a morning person when it comes to intimacy  

I'm starting to feel a bit guilty. Would the men here be really unhappy about this? Is this a really low amount? 

He seems to be taking it in his stride but I don’t want him to be unhappy . . .


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Don't worry. You're fine.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You can't really go by the guys on TAM. A lot of them are here because they are unhappy in their marriages. I have read some posts here to dh and he has totally disagreed with them.

Just rely on what your own dh tells you. If he's happy, you're all good. 

And don't be hard on yourself in pregnancy, nor afterwards with little kids. It is a rough time of life. I hope your dh will be very caring and supportive of you.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Yeah, you're not normal. Sex three times per day is normal. You need to increase it right away. And please let us know your husband's response.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MSP said:


> Yeah, you're not normal. Sex three times per day is normal. You need to increase it right away. And please let us know your husband's response.


:rofl:


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

MSP said:


> Yeah, you're not normal. Sex three times per day is normal. You need to increase it right away. And please let us know your husband's response.


Haha I think he would spend the rest of his time asleep constantly haha


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

jld said:


> You can't really go by the guys on TAM. A lot of them are here because they are unhappy in their marriages. I have read some posts here to dh and he has totally disagreed with them.
> 
> Just rely on what your own dh tells you. If he's happy, you're all good.
> 
> And don't be hard on yourself in pregnancy, nor afterwards with little kids. It is a rough time of life. I hope your dh will be very caring and supportive of you.


Thanks JLD. 

It's strange adjusting to the changes. He is being lovely about everything


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

JJG said:


> He is being lovely about everything


As he _should_ be.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I've seen several posts on LD and here are some suggestions. 

1. Married with no kids. If you're here, and have tried, asked, and complained to no avail, consider calling it a day. Sex is sufficiently central that you don't have to be unhappy. But this is the exception, the typical scenario involves kids, you now have a family, and a divorce dramatically changes things. 

2. Norm first, be realistic. With a couple of kids and a wife working at least part time, in this busy society you need to be realistic and sometimes not take things personally. Average is about twice a week, managing to get some loving once during the week, once on a weekend. I know, when you were 22, it was 3-4 times a week with varying positions but things changed. Your wife, now mother, has the later role center stage justifiably so, her perception has changed. Her confidence in her body may have changed. Those who expect too much can make sex an unpleasant chore and you then get in a spiral of asking and rejection. 

3. Associate with fun. Again if she's busy and exhausted, and kids are in the next room, pushing her won't get her in the mood. You want her LD to become MIDD associating sex with pleasurable things. Perhaps go out to dinner, go on vacation, give her a nice backrub. Become interested in her as a whole person. Many of you have tried this so sometimes it does not work. 

4. Roundabout way Constantly bothering and nagging may make it worse. Instead, be unapproachable some times. Dress better and perhaps go out and give yourself a little mystery. Or be unavailable for her events and let her make the connection between her lack of compromise and yours too. You want her to understand sex is part of a whole package, and subtlely convey that's you're not going to do things she wants if she is unapproachable.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

What does "LD" stand for?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Ashalicious said:


> What does "LD" stand for?


Low Drive which of course is different for everyone. My husband and I can make love 4 times a week and he may still consider me " low drive "  ?? 

HD would stand for High Drive and from what I've seen here on TAM there are also ND or No Drive for those who havent had sex in years  !?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

JJG,

Quantity (i.e. x per week) is relative. The fact that you even care to ask to me, implies that you are not.

Add to that, pregnancy, early childhood are tough/stressful times. I know that I didn't expect as much during even the first few years of all three of our kids. Unfortunately, for me, it has never come back for my wife even as the kids have grown.. :-(

Good luck and congrats on the baby!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

2-3 times per week seems ok, but it varies based on couples. I think that's fine.

How about just asking your husband what his preference is? 

Although I understand that pregnancy is extremely hard, wife and I found that time to be great from a sexual perspective.

We went at it even more than usual. Wife seemed to love sex during pregnancy as well (so did I). We were VERY intimate during all 4 pregnancies RIGHT up until the child was born. Heck few times doctors told me to pound it hard to initiate birth....as my wife was 1 or 2 weeks late.

Also, blowing your load into a woman during sex = incredible. And during pregnancy is the ONLY time man can do that. Take it while you CAN.


:smthumbup:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would just communicate your worry with him and see his reaction. I would say for most guys we are more interested in quality sex then Duty sex with a woman who clearly doesn't feel good...and that's ok. I bet he is ok with this as well. During both my x wife's pregnancy we went from 4-5 times a week to 1 time a week and it was totally fine and I never felt neglected. After birth post the 6 week waiting we went right back to 4-5 times a week. No worries and happy pushing to you


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## inman (Apr 17, 2014)

I don't think you should define yourself as LD or HD. Certain things will affect your behavior. Diet, routine, etc. But I don't know that anyone is really inherently LD or HD.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You can't help being tired...you're growing a baby!

If he isn't complaining you're golden! Just relax.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

At 4+ months the visual appeal of pregnancy is quite a treat! So take advantage of your, ehem, newly minted assets and provide some HQ visuals for hubby  and get lots of rest!


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

Thanks for the replies everyone! 

What you all say makes sense. I just wanted to get some different opinions.

I'm hoping that my normal drive comes back after the pregnancy because I have definitely lost some of my libido . . .  Its hard to feel sexy when you have a big belly plus they can kick at the most inappropriate times haha


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