# Any other wife here appreciate her husband more after being on TAM?



## Therealbrighteyes

Some of the things I read here just blow my mind. I cannot imagine being with some of these types of men. 

Earlier today I read a post, picked up my phone and texted this to my husband: "Have I told you how much I love you recently?" His response: "I love you too and......TAM?" :rofl:


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## WandaJ

The opposite for me. If I was kidding myself before, now I am more convinced, that our intimacy is gone, that we are not a successful marriage.


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## Holland

The bad stories don't make me appreciate what I have more than I already do. They make me shake my head in disbelief at how horrible some people are, how stupid some are and how ill equipped for life some are. 

What does make me appreciate him more is reading posts by some of the men here that help me to generally understand men more.


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## Therealbrighteyes

WandaJ said:


> The opposite for me. If I was kidding myself before, now I am more convinced, that our intimacy is gone, that we are not a successful marriage.


I'd take what a lot of people here say with a grain of salt. Will you share what is going on? :scratchhead:


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## Therealbrighteyes

Holland said:


> The bad stories don't make me appreciate what I have more than I already do. They make me shake my head in disbelief at how horrible some people are, how stupid some are and how ill equipped for life some are.
> 
> What does make me appreciate him more is reading posts by some of the men here that help me to generally understand men more.


Well said. One of the best posts I have ever seen on TAM was from MEM. His love and devotion to his wife is incredible, as is her love and devotion to him.


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## Holland

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Well said. One of the best posts I have ever seen on TAM was from MEM. His love and devotion to his wife is incredible, as is her love and devotion to him.


MEM is one of the really great guys around here. When I first came to TAM he helped me immensely with dealing with the fallout from my divorce and the issues of a sexless marriage.


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## heartsbeating

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Some of the things I read here just blow my mind. I cannot imagine being with some of these types of men.
> 
> Earlier today I read a post, picked up my phone and texted this to my husband: "Have I told you how much I love you recently?" His response: "I love you too and......TAM?" :rofl:


I can't say I relate to this sentiment. 

If I broach a certain topic with him, he's been known to say 'This is a forum question isn't it?' Sometimes I'll start out 'Brace yourself, this is a forum question...'


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## heartsbeating

Holland said:


> What does make me appreciate him more is reading posts by some of the men here that help me to generally understand men more.


I'd relate more to this.

Reading various experiences and perspectives has helped clue me in more to our dynamic and understand (hopefully) men and my husband more. And in turn, had me reflecting on my own behavior. There's been times where I've mentally slapped my own forehead and recognized, 'I've done that crap too.' 

I've found what I consider good insight from a range of people posting here.


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## Therealbrighteyes

heartsbeating said:


> I can't say I relate to this sentiment.
> 
> If I broach a certain topic with him, he's been known to say 'This is a forum question isn't it?' Sometimes I'll start out 'Brace yourself, this is a forum question...'


That is how Jon started out. He used to say why in the world was I here? Well, I like the stories and to be able to help a few. Several PM's have made me happy that I have helped them and Jon knows all about it. He does however think the misogyny and [email protected]!t isn't worth it. He has read around here and his only response is something I cannot say.


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## heartsbeating

My husband isn't a fan of forums at all. His advise to anyone here would be 'Get off the computer..' Still, he knows I dig it for whatever weird reason despite feeble attempts to leave. When I first joined, he did notice the differences I was making and some of that was thanks to what I was reading here.


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## heartsbeating

I'll add he did appreciate that I was making conscious changes to my behavior and for our marriage. The approach he took for his journey have included listening to psychology related pod-casts and reading books, none of which are books recommended here. 

None of this amounts to anything if actions don't change though. And I've spouted before about being aware of thought patterns to alter feelings and actions.


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## over20

Yes


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## SimplyAmorous

I came here wanting to change something about my husband.. something I never cared about before....I always felt we had a wonderful marriage...I was always happy with this man... I never had any complaints !

Even in this area...at 1st... it seemed people understood where I was coming from....some judged HIM for not being able to "BE" what comes easy for most men.. and there I was defending him...I didn't like someone putting him down in the least way... it pi$$ed me off.... it was always a "But wait a minute !" for me...yet a conflict in my brain.. as I still wanted what I wanted.. ..and why couldn't he!...

I knew it wasn't because he was pushing me out or didn't care...

So I studied, I researched many areas to help me understand HIM...and it's like I always knew.....we were an amazing fit ... even despite this 1 little area of contention that would flare in me from time to time....

The times (in a few threads) when I shared what I wanted/ my struggle (stupid as some may have seen it- one accused me of not having enough drama in my life so I had to manufacture some)...just reading the words of some of these posters....basically saying I just needed to SHUT UP & get over myself.. 

It was in reading posts LIKE THAT ...that I have felt so overwhelmingly thankful for the man I married.. because HE would never feel as they...or treat me this way... he really cares about what is important to me...because it effects both of us.. his attitude is always a guide for me.. 

So many things I read and think to myself.. I would not feel loved with a man like that... it just makes you want to squeeze so much tighter.


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## Almostrecovered

I don't know, I do set a pretty high bar after all


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## TiggyBlue

Funny enough since reading TAM my husband has said I randomly hug him more ofter (I'm not much of a hugger), so I guess so lol

I think it's made me appreciate that we have very compatible quirks.


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## karole

This board has made even more appreciative for the man I have.


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## staarz21

My particular issue with my H is sort of frowned upon here. So, talking about it is difficult without going into severe detail. 

That said, it's been insightful being here. There were things I never thought about before - that I am paying attention to now. I've definitely learned a bunch. 

One of the things that I appreciate here is the difference in opinions. Some think just like me and others see if from the other spectrum. It's kind of nice (even if I don't agree 100% of the time) to see those other opinions. It's sometimes like a light bulb goes off... Duh staarz, you should have seen it that way to begin with! - sort of thing.

I do think TAM has made me appreciate more of my H as a whole. Even though we have some nasty issues, he is still a great man. He is a wonderful father and when he isn't engulfed with is issues, he is amazingly attentive and caring. He's funny, charismatic, attractive, he pays attention to me...and he can just tell if I need extra. We have a relatively perfect marriage...if it weren't for one thing. 

I don't think I would have seen all of the positives before coming here. I was only seeing the negative and I didn't really want to put myself out there to work on it. 

Anyway, um...summary? Yes. TAM has helped me appreciate the good things ha!


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## norajane

TAM has helped me realize that there are so many men out there that I would not be at all compatible with, and types of relationships that would make me want to cry or scream every day if I were with them. So I end up feeling very lucky that I am with the man in my life.


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## norajane

TiggyBlue said:


> Funny enough since reading TAM my husband has said I randomly hug him more ofter (I'm not much of a hugger), so I guess so lol
> 
> *I think it's made me appreciate that we have very compatible quirks.*


That's a great way to put it. I usually think of it as our neuroses are compatible, but quirks is nicer, lol.


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## HappyGilmore

Yes it does, and also makes me breathe a sigh of relief. There are some real heels out there. I look at my husband sitting next to me on the couch and realize that I have it good. I love him dearly, and realizing that men like him don't come along every day,


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## SunnyWife

Yes, it definitely has. My reason for joining TAM had nothing to do with our marriage but simply to understand relationships better due to many of the things I encounter in the job that I do. Not only do I now understand various situations better but I have come to realize that Hubby & I really do have something pretty special. I always knew that, deep down, but now its more evident.


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## JASON56

I was thinking about having my wife read the stories on here, she may appreciate me more then she does..or maybe she wont believe what she reads..


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## heartsbeating

JASON56 said:


> I was thinking about having my wife read the stories on here, she may appreciate me more then she does..or maybe she wont believe what she reads..


My opinion runs contrary to the feel of this thread.

If we can be swayed to feel more appreciative of our spouse because we read of stories or opinions that we don't like - can that not also mean we can be swayed to feel less appreciative if we read of stories or opinions that we admire? Before everyone jumps on me for saying this, I do get the perhaps light-hearted tone this thread could have. What a bore I am!

I'd suggest working on building a strong marital foundation together.


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## john117

I have gotten to appreciate my wife's income a lot more after being on TAM...


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## Starstarfish

TAM made me realize if I ever get divorced or widowed, I'm joining a nunnery.


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## FrenchFry

:iagree:


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## Dollystanford

TAM made me realise that although I could have had a much better husband I could have had a hell of a lot worse too

It also made me thank christ I'm financially independent and didn't have to stay in a stultifying or sexless marriage for fear of not being able to afford to make it on my own


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## Almostrecovered

I mean seriously, my awesomeness makes the rest look bad


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## richie33

If she reads some of the threads about how a woman shouldn't have friends other than her husband, can't go out and socialize, etc she should really appreciate me!


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## GettingIt_2

I came to understand my husband a hell of a lot better, that is for sure. 

More important, I came to understand myself a lot more. 

I appreciate and respect BOTH our strengths and weaknesses now in a way that I never could before. 

And yes, I do just flat-out appreciate my husband more. I could never have fixed the train wreck that was our marriage on my own. He put up with so much, and has listened to me and changed so much for me. I see so many threads here where husbands refuse to do what my husband has done. It makes me want to pay him back in kind every minute of every day.


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## always_alone

norajane said:


> TAM has helped me realize that there are so many men out there that I would not be at all compatible with, and types of relationships that would make me want to cry or scream every day if I were with them. So I end up feeling very lucky that I am with the man in my life.


Agree! 

But my worst nightmare is that he actually thinks like some of what I read here, and keeps it just as carefully hidden.

TAM has opened my eyes to a dark underbelly that I'm not entirely sure I'm better off for knowing. Unless, of course, I unlucky enough to end up dating.


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## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> Agree!
> 
> But my worst nightmare is that he actually thinks like some of what I read here, and keeps it just as carefully hidden.
> 
> TAM has opened my eyes to a dark underbelly that I'm not entirely sure I'm better off for knowing. Unless, of course, I unlucky enough to end up dating.


A lot of what we see here IS the dark underbelly. Many of the thoughts and feelings expressed are very raw and honest, just because of the very nature of this board, and what we see in other men and women here is quite likely to be present in some degree or another in our own spouses.


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## always_alone

samyeagar said:


> A lot of what we see here IS the dark underbelly. Many of the thoughts and feelings expressed are very raw and honest, just because of the very nature of this board, and what we see in other men and women here is quite likely to be present in some degree or another in our own spouses.


Perhaps. But I hope not because a goodly chunk of this underbelly is absolute deal-breaker territory for me.

I just finished reading a post where a guy basically said that he doesn't find his wife attractive at all, but does her anyway --because he's horny. 

That sort of sh1t is just not tolerable. IMHO.


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## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> Perhaps. But I hope not because a goodly chunk of this underbelly is absolute deal-breaker territory for me.
> 
> *I just finished reading a post where a guy basically said that he doesn't find his wife attractive at all, but does her anyway --because he's horny.*
> 
> That sort of sh1t is just not tolerable. IMHO.


Let's take this into the hypothetical...suppose their marriage is good, both fulfill each others emotional needs, they get along well, he's a good attentive lover so he doesn't deny her need for physical intimacy, he just doesn't find her physically attractive, nor does he find her physically repulsive. He's not allowing that lack of attraction to affect their relationship...so yes, in a way he settled, but he's fine with that. He's not cheating on her, and is upholding their marriage vows in every way. What is such a hypothetical man supposed to do?


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## always_alone

samyeagar said:


> Let's take this into the hypothetical...suppose their marriage is good, both fulfill each others emotional needs, they get along well, he's a good attentive lover so he doesn't deny her need for physical intimacy, he just doesn't find her physically attractive, nor does he find her physically repulsive. He's not allowing that lack of attraction to affect their relationship...so yes, in a way he settled, but he's fine with that. He's not cheating on her, and is upholding their marriage vows in every way. What is such a hypothetical man supposed to do?


This is challenging, as you've already changed the rules of the game. Instead of being clearly and explicitly repulsed, and having at it anyway, he is now merely indifferent, and yet still very attentive to her needs.

Given these additional considerations, before I can full answer your question, I need more hypothetical details: What is her role in all of this? Does she share his indifference? Thinks she settled too, but figures her lifestyle is good enough?


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## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> This is challenging, *as you've already changed the rules of the game*. Instead of being clearly and explicitly repulsed, and having at it anyway, he is now merely indifferent, and yet still very attentive to her needs.
> 
> Given these additional considerations, before I can full answer your question, I need more hypothetical details: What is her role in all of this? Does she share his indifference? Thinks she settled too, but figures her lifestyle is good enough?


Since it is hypothetical leading from the premise that he has sex with his wife, whom he is not attracted to, I was just laying out the rules based on that and not changing them 

I imagine you are going down the line of if she is also indifferent, then it's a wash and they're all good...hardly interesting  Lets suppose that she IS indeed very attracted to him...sort of a twist on the whole HD/LD scenario...


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## always_alone

samyeagar said:


> Since it is hypothetical leading from the premise that he has sex with his wife, whom he is not attracted to, I was just laying out the rules based on that and not changing them
> 
> I imagine you are going down the line of if she is also indifferent, then it's a wash and they're all good...hardly interesting  Lets suppose that she IS indeed very attracted to him...sort of a twist on the whole HD/LD scenario...


You did change get rules, because the post that started this tangent said very expliclty that he found his wife to be a huge turnoff, but he had sex with her anyway. And nothing at all about her needs. This is very different than the scenario you depicted.

But, okay, I'll play. If she is totally into him, then it's up to her whether she's willing to put up with his settling. 

Me, I'd just say GTFO. Let him "settle" for someone else, if that's what he wants.


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## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> You did change get rules, because the post that started this tangent *said very expliclty that he found his wife to be a huge turnoff, but he had sex with her anyway. And nothing at all about her needs.* This is very different than the scenario you depicted.
> 
> But, okay, I'll play. If she is totally into him, then it's up to her whether she's willing to put up with his settling.
> 
> Me, I'd just say GTFO. Let him "settle" for someone else, if that's what he wants.


That's a bit dramatic of a paraphrase.

It would be up to her if he told her, but he has chosen not to tell her that he does not find her attractive because it seems as if he is at peace with that within himself. It is not causing problems in their relationship, and she will likely never know he feels that way. My main point was that I suspect there are a lot of people in exactly the same boat...with partners who are not physically attracted to them without ever knowing.


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## always_alone

samyeagar said:


> That's a bit dramatic of a paraphrase.


Dramatic? Hardly. He literally called it a physical aversion, and admitted that sex is only about his horniness. And again, nothing about her needs or satisfaction.

You may be right that there are many people in this boat. I say, no wonder, then, there are so many people unhappy in their relationships. Do you honestly imagine that the wife is unaware?

I bet she know exactly how repulsive she is to him. And wouldn't be surprised at all if it is a big reason for her LD.


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## barbados

I know I appreciate my wife more since being here. Especially after reading some of the horror stories in CWI & SIM.


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## treyvion

Makes me appreciate all the good women who have been in my life.


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## Kylie84

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/217706-normal.html
Both DH and I are frequently on TAM and I always say I am so glad we have the relationship we do after many stories we come across here.
Today took the cake though after reading a post about a woman's husband who masturbated in bed next to her then had the family dog 'clean up the mess'.
WTF is with some humans? Holy crap


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## SimplyAmorous

Kylie84 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/217706-normal.html
> Both DH and I are frequently on TAM and I always say I am so glad we have the relationship we do after many stories we come across here.
> Today took the cake though after reading a post about a woman's husband who masturbated in bed next to her then had the family dog 'clean up the mess'.
> WTF is with some humans? Holy crap


I read that too, that man has to have a sex addiction... and I guess one could kindly say.. "He was raised in a barn" on top of that.


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## Starstarfish

> It would be up to her if he told her, but he has chosen not to tell her that he does not find her attractive because it seems as if he is at peace with that within himself. It is not causing problems in their relationship, and she will likely never know he feels that way.


I call BS that it is not causing problems in their relationship. It might be causing problems in ways that he recognizes, but there's no way that you not being physically attracted to your spouse doesn't affect things between you on some even subconscious level. 

Also if you think women don't know when you don't find them attractive - trust me, they know. Unless you are the best showman in the world, she knows. Even if you aren't blatant and rude about it, (like the propeller noises Enjoi mentioned) - it's obvious in your eyes and the way you look at her. It's obvious in the comments you -don't- make as much as in the ones you do.


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## Created2Write

I think a lot of the "appreciation" I have for my husband comes from seeing how easy it is to marry someone you're entirely incompatible with, how easy it is to be manipulated, and how easy it is to be blinded by feelings and desires. Sometimes coming here shows me that my husband's faults aren't as severe as they seem sometimes, and I definitely see that his wonderful qualities far exceed his negative ones. He's not arrogant, lazy, or selfish. He's an amazing lover...all I could ever wish for in that department. He's honest and hard working, we share the same core values for life and happiness, he's the most attractive man I have ever known on any level, and whatever issues we face, I never doubt his love for me.


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## dignityhonorpride

> Default Any other wife here appreciate her husband more after being on TAM?


Oh God yes.


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## Happilymarried25

No because my husband has a couple of issues that I'm guessing most women might not have stayed for (not cheating which I would not have put up with) but I took my vows seriously and I concentrate on the good parts of our marriage. On the other hand reading how some of these wives treat their husbands, I think my husband should appreciate me more.


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## SurpriseMyself

TAM has made me realize that I probably should just not be married and not date at all!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken

Not at first. I came here when we were in a hell of a mess because he was unfaithful. However now that we're beyond much of the hurdle of that, I definitely do appreciate some things about him more. He has done a lot of work on himself and is a better spouse now than even before he was unfaithful. Some of the posts here make me want to bang my head against a brick wall. I am glad that my spouse doesn't think or talk the way some do on TAM. 

Still, there are also some good wise, men on this forum and that tells me there is still more that my spouse - myself as well can learn.


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## Angelou

I came here out of curiosity and now I can't leave.


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## ocotillo

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Some of the things I read here just blow my mind. I cannot imagine being with some of these types of men.


That's probably one of, if not the greatest benefit of being on TAM.  

There are things from both genders here that absolutely shimmer in the air for their outrageousness.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

With as many problems as I do have, reading some things makes me terrified to be single again.

I do appreciate more. Some of the traits that are compatable with me might be more rare than I realized.


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## Miss Taken

Every time I go on a GNO and no drama ensues ever.

Or like, tomorrow, I'm sleeping at a hotel downtown in a big city (we live in the suburbs of the suburbs of the suburbs of said city) with my sister and her fiance. We will probably be dive-bar hopping before turning in LATE for the night. I will probably get quite tipsy...possibly drunk.

Before I go, because I am going out to the city, I am also going to dress to the nines, put my "sexy boots" on and everything, do my hair and make-up. I'm also going to invite some friends I haven't seen in a while to tag along. I likely won't check in too much with my spouse who will be at home with our kids all night long caring for them. I can confidently say that this will cause ZERO problems. Despite being dressed up, despite going a few towns/cities away, despite being in a huge city, going to bars and drinking it will be fine. 

I appreciate that.


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## Bridge

Angelou said:


> I came here out of curiosity and now I can't leave.


Same!

I find TAM informative and entertaining. Overall though I don't compare my partner to the problem ones on this board because neither of us have much in common with the average TAM poster. No kids, dual income, mid/late twenties, not conservative, not even married... There's not much to compare. it's more, things to keep in mind so our relationship has a better chance of survival. 

NOW the real fun is when friends my age make Facebook posts about their relationships. Nothing makes me appreciate my partner more than a long, saccharine paragraph that should have never been shared with the world.


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## Miss Taken

Miss Taken said:


> I can confidently say that this will cause ZERO problems. Despite being dressed up, despite going a few towns/cities away, despite being in a huge city, going to bars and drinking it will be fine.


Yep, I was right again... I hate it when that happens! No drama, no infidelity, no secret bad feelings or jealousy issues. Just a good Saturday night spent partying it up with my sister whom I hadn't seen in a decade and meeting my wonderful (so far I approve) BIL to be. AND a spouse who was happy to stay home with the kids so I could catch up with my sister. 

We had a blast. Spouse and kids survived my first full night (I do go out on occassion just not all night usually) away from home (without them) in over three years. House was still standing and somewhat clean when I got back.



Bridge said:


> NOW the real fun is when friends my age make Facebook posts about their relationships. Nothing makes me appreciate my partner more than a long, saccharine paragraph that should have never been shared with the world.


LOL. Like a car crash... you don't always want to look but can't always turn away. I have two such friends on my wall. My goodness. The airing of dirty laundry on FB is something I will never subscribe to.


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## marriedandlonely

Reading TAM threads has amazed me at times and some comments from both sexes has defined the reason why there are so many BAD marriages and relationships out there ,although sometimes I feel they're only stirring the pot which isn't helping anyone much unless its the ones who realize that their mate isn't so bad after all but feel that a place to talk about the topics with others in the same boat help level out the aspects that influence our relationships ,thanks TAM for the opportunity


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## ocotillo

marriedandlonely said:


> I feel they're only stirring the pot which isn't helping anyone much unless its the ones who realize that their mate isn't so bad after all but feel that a place to talk about the topics with others in the same boat help level out the aspects that influence our relationships.


I think some of that is probably just the nature of the internet itself. Ask for ideas for a special anniversary and two or three of the kinder souls might respond. Start a thread about moments your spouse has truly made you proud and it will flop horribly.

On the other hand, start a controversial thread where people can argue and it will go on for eighty pages.


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## DayOne

Mentioned TAM to my separated Wife this evening. Doubt she'll sign up, but she may lurk. 

Did warn her she can expect to shovel some shiat to find some diamonds.


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## Justus3

Holland said:


> The bad stories don't make me appreciate what I have more than I already do. They make me shake my head in disbelief at how horrible some people are, how stupid some are and how ill equipped for life some are.
> 
> What does make me appreciate him more is reading posts by some of the men here that help me to generally understand men more.


:iagree: exactly


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