# breaking up



## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

my wife tells me to go and marry someone else as she can not give a love I deserve.... She said she is compromising but doesn't love me... she is depended on me... I am so confused..... who tells her husband to go and find someone else or go and have an affair....


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

cooltaurus said:


> my wife tells me to go and marry someone else as she can not give a love I deserve.... She said she is compromising but doesn't love me... she is depended on me... I am so confused..... who tells her husband to go and find someone else or go and have an affair....




My husband has said the same thing to me. It hurt my feelings but he said that it's bc he loves me so much and wants to see me happy and it kills him that he can't make me happy. I don't know if I believe him or not... I guess who really knows. 

I'm sorry your wife said that to you. You must be a really good guy. All I can say is try marriage counseling, and try to see what is going on Inside your wife's head. Good luck


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

cooltaurus said:


> my wife tells me to go and marry someone else as she can not give a love I deserve.... She said she is compromising but doesn't love me... she is depended on me... I am so confused..... who tells her husband to go and find someone else or go and have an affair....



1) A guilty torn person.

2) A person who cheated or did something against the marriage.

3) A person who cannot stand to be touched or to participate in sexual relations. That person loves you, knows she is being selfish in withholding love and is willing to give you a Cheating Pass for you as compensation.

4) Is testing you. If you bite and do the cheating, then she will feel justified in leaving you, divorcing you or cheating herself. She may want to cheat or is cheating and she needs to flick off 
some of her cheat-ticks onto your hide.

5) She has left the marriage. She is too weak to say it. She clumsily is trying to get you to leave her.

6) She cannot make you happy so she is trying to drive you to Divorce Court for the Last Supper.


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

well our marriage is on the hook for last three years... now it come down to final count down.... in last three years we went to counselling and every other thing to keep our marriage... but i feel she has left the marriage already.... i still remember about two years ago she said what ever we r doing is not going any where we will be separated eventually..... now i am going through all the things and vacation we did in last three years and realizing either she was not in it or even she was their she never participated in any of the activities with me or kids.... its her second marriage.... my first... when we got married she already had a kid... he is now 12 and we have another son who is 8... i consider both of them mine and i am really attached with them... she keeps saying oh its boys that's why they like doing things with u.... i dont understand.... she never like to be touched.... even when he had sex seems like she is just lying their as their is no involvement.... i feel lost and we r done in less the 5 min.... now after 10 years of marriage about a 15 days ago she has told me we r done and i am taking the decision of divorce as ur never going to give me.... we been sleeping on the same bed for 10 years now she doesnt want to sleep with me so last 2 weeks i am sleeping on a couch which is very odd for me... my fault i am a very affectionate person who loves to be touch, kiss, hugs, long drives, dinners... romantic songs...walks... and she doesnt like these things she things these things only happens in films and its not real... and she think i pretend to be a hero from some romantic movie...i am lost.... everyone say it will get better... but how and whennnnnnn


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

cooltaurus said:


> well our marriage is on the hook for last three years... now it come down to final count down.... in last three years we went to counselling and every other thing to keep our marriage... but i feel she has left the marriage already.... i still remember about two years ago she said what ever we r doing is not going any where we will be separated eventually..... now i am going through all the things and vacation we did in last three years and realizing either she was not in it or even she was their she never participated in any of the activities with me or kids.... its her second marriage.... my first... when we got married she already had a kid... he is now 12 and we have another son who is 8... i consider both of them mine and i am really attached with them... she keeps saying oh its boys that's why they like doing things with u.... i dont understand.... she never like to be touched.... even when he had sex seems like she is just lying their as their is no involvement.... i feel lost and we r done in less the 5 min.... now after 10 years of marriage about a 15 days ago she has told me we r done and i am taking the decision of divorce as ur never going to give me.... we been sleeping on the same bed for 10 years now she doesnt want to sleep with me so last 2 weeks i am sleeping on a couch which is very odd for me... my fault i am a very affectionate person who loves to be touch, kiss, hugs, long drives, dinners... romantic songs...walks... and she doesnt like these things she things these things only happens in films and its not real... and she think i pretend to be a hero from some romantic movie...i am lost.... everyone say it will get better... but how and whennnnnnn




She will go on to live a miserable life. You will find a women that loves you and loves all these things. 
I 100% identify with you. I am the Romantic one, the emotional, affectionate, sexual one. Maybe you just make her feel bad or not good enough. Who knows. 
She sounds pretty over the marriage. Ask her if there is anything you can do that will make her reconsider. If there is nothing... Then it's over. Sorry


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

cooltaurus said:


> my wife tells me to go and marry someone else as she can not give a love I deserve.... She said she is compromising but doesn't love me... she is depended on me... I am so confused..... who tells her husband to go and find someone else or go and have an affair....


She has a lot of negative feelings compromising her. It is likely her reaching a bit far to get a rise out of you.

Realize that she is hurting and evaluate the relationship from the ground up. It is likely not too late due to her reaching.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I totally disagree. I think it's been over in her mind for a long time. You've got to accept it and move on. There's too maby women out there for you to live like this. Do you think she will change? Does she want to? She doesn't want to. 
You're hanging on because you're fearful. FeAr is such a killer.
Ditch her. Lots of women are starving for a man that shows physical affection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Have a heart to heart conversation with her, no holds barred.
It really does take a woman (in general) a long time to check out of a marriage emotionally but by the time she does she is usually completely done and beyond changing her mind.

What happened in the past that might have precipitated this.
Does she have baggage from her first marriage that she never dealt with, isn't that possible.

It may have nothing to do with you at all
She may want to be rescued?
Find out


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Walk away wife. She's gone. Sorry.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yep. Take her advice, marry another.
Really, there's no hope here.
Any hope you have will be your own worst enemy. Move on. There are good women out there that want to be loved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

aine said:


> Have a heart to heart conversation with her, no holds barred.
> It really does take a woman (in general) a long time to check out of a marriage emotionally but by the time she does she is usually completely done and beyond changing her mind.
> 
> What happened in the past that might have precipitated this.
> ...


i tried talking to her she has cut off all the people we know jointly as friends they try to contact her she said she doesn't want to talk to anyone. i tried reasoning with her she said no point continuing it... its been happening for three years now... she said she is done for sure and as i will never take the step she is taking the step to move on... and helping me in this scenario so i can go and find someone else...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

cooltaurus said:


> i tried talking to her she has cut off all the people we know jointly as friends they try to contact her she said she doesn't want to talk to anyone. i tried reasoning with her she said no point continuing it... its been happening for three years now... she said she is done for sure and as i will never take the step she is taking the step to move on... and helping me in this scenario so i can go and find someone else...


How old is your wife? Any menopausal issues? This can really mess with a woman's thinking about her life.

In this case you should not beg, plead, etc. Tell her you love her but you are not going to be held hostage to her decisions and you are going to take her at her word.

Do the 180 on her and get a good lawyer.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

aine said:


> How old is your wife? Any menopausal issues? This can really mess with a woman's thinking about her life.
> Perhaps, but there is nothing that the OP can do .
> 
> In this case you should not beg, plead, etc. Tell her you love her but you are not going to be held hostage to her decisions and you are going to take her at her word.
> ...


I would agree except the OP shouldn't "do the 180 on her". The OP should do the 180 for their self. The OP needs to focus on their needs and wants ahead of their STBX or the relationship.


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

she is 33... we are already technically separated... i sleep on a couch from last 2 months.... she has already told me she is done and no matter what we do this is not happening... she said lets figure out how we r going to work on custody and finances.... their is something really weird she told me the other day.... she said that God has shown her a future... in the future she will be living a miserable life all alone without anyone as kids will be grown and on their on way... and she said God has shown her that I will be married again.... she said she also know the face and the name of a person but God had forbidden her to tell anyone.... I am literally scared.... she is talking weird stuff now.... she said their is nothing wrong with her and she is complete fine... she said she have a gift... inside i know i will never be happy... the only thing which makes me thing is i was a person who was all about family first... seen my parents... and wanted to have a family like them.... they been married for 41 years.... but i guess not everyone gets that.... thats the only thing which hurts... everything else i see myself as a happy person without her..... as she never trusted me in anything... she never got involved in any activities we did as a family.... sometimes she was physically their but emotionally she was always somewhere else...sometimes she is sitting and completely zone out.... kids and we even scream her name and she can not hear us... as for few min she wasnt even their.... i am also emotionally drain with all the fights for last three years... from marriage counciling to friends and family getting involved.... i just want someone to tell me kids will be alright and better.... thats the only scary part...


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

cooltaurus said:


> she is 33... we are already technically separated... i sleep on a couch from last 2 months.... she has already told me she is done and no matter what we do this is not happening... she said lets figure out how we r going to work on custody and finances.... their is something really weird she told me the other day.... she said that God has shown her a future... in the future she will be living a miserable life all alone without anyone as kids will be grown and on their on way... and she said God has shown her that I will be married again.... she said she also know the face and the name of a person but God had forbidden her to tell anyone.... I am literally scared.... she is talking weird stuff now.... she said their is nothing wrong with her and she is complete fine... she said she have a gift... inside i know i will never be happy... the only thing which makes me thing is i was a person who was all about family first... seen my parents... and wanted to have a family like them.... they been married for 41 years.... but i guess not everyone gets that.... thats the only thing which hurts... everything else i see myself as a happy person without her..... as she never trusted me in anything... she never got involved in any activities we did as a family.... sometimes she was physically their but emotionally she was always somewhere else...sometimes she is sitting and completely zone out.... kids and we even scream her name and she can not hear us... as for few min she wasnt even their.... i am also emotionally drain with all the fights for last three years... from marriage counciling to friends and family getting involved.... i just want someone to tell me kids will be alright and better.... thats the only scary part...


Ok, I will tell you - the kids will be alright. In fact they will be better off being away from this kind of craziness that they would be if you stick around trying a one way reconciliation, which apparently she wants nothing to do with. Kids are sponges and they absorb the arguing and observe the dynamics. If you want your kids to have any idea what a real marriage between two people is, then do as she says and get out.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

If she wants to end it, why are YOU sleeping on the couch?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seriously. Get back in your bed. Tell her to find somewhere else to sleep. What does she have to say is wrong with the marriage, with you?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

cooltaurus said:


> well our marriage is on the hook for last three years... now it come down to final count down.... in last three years we went to counselling and every other thing to keep our marriage... but i feel she has left the marriage already.... i still remember about two years ago she said what ever we r doing is not going any where we will be separated eventually..... now i am going through all the things and vacation we did in last three years and realizing either she was not in it or even she was their she never participated in any of the activities with me or kids.... its her second marriage.... my first... when we got married she already had a kid... he is now 12 and we have another son who is 8... i consider both of them mine and i am really attached with them... she keeps saying oh its boys that's why they like doing things with u.... i dont understand.... she never like to be touched.... even when he had sex seems like she is just lying their as their is no involvement.... i feel lost and we r done in less the 5 min.... now after 10 years of marriage about a 15 days ago she has told me we r done and i am taking the decision of divorce as ur never going to give me.... we been sleeping on the same bed for 10 years now she doesnt want to sleep with me so last 2 weeks i am sleeping on a couch which is very odd for me... my fault i am a very affectionate person who loves to be touch, kiss, hugs, long drives, dinners... romantic songs...walks... and she doesnt like these things she things these things only happens in films and its not real... and she think i pretend to be a hero from some romantic movie...i am lost.... everyone say it will get better... but how and whennnnnnn


Our wives should meet, they have so much in common they'd love each other.


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## cooltaurus (Apr 13, 2016)

JB02157 LOL yes they should..... Thanks for cheering me up.... 

Turnera She has two problems with me.... First problem is when we fight I get angry and talk loud (I never got abusive like hitting or breaking things or anything else.... and never even swear in any of the fight she did swear) .... secondly she said she can not love me... and cannot show me her love.... she said she never loved me she just liked me as a very good person.... She said doesn't matter for how long we try eventually we will get separated either its today or 2 years down the road....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So stop being angry when you argue.

Better yet, stop participating in arguments.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

turnera said:


> So stop being angry when you argue.
> 
> Better yet, stop participating in arguments.


That's right, don't argue. What's the point of taling to someone who can't listen, ignore them and just get own with your own stuff. If you argue with someone in your house you show you are vulnerable and open to their opinion causing you pain and frustration. Clearly if it gets to argument point, which is clearly stressing the OP, dump the argument, remove any vulnerbility/dependency (eg financal risk, sex, communication) and just get on with your life. No point in dealing with others who won't listen.


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