# My thoughts on marriage ...



## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

I've been married for almost 22 years and I've seen a lot. Marriage was designed to be a monogamist relationship. Cheating or having an open relationship does not work in a marriage. If you want this, don't get married, or get a divorce if you want to run that way.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Or, if both agree to an open relationship, but want to be married - then who's to say that's wrong. Nobody is getting hurt because BOTH spouses are on the same page.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Not for me either.  But we aren't everyone. 

Some people tolerate cheating or live in open marriages.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Or, if both agree to an open relationship, but want to be married - then who's to say that's wrong. Nobody is getting hurt because BOTH spouses are on the same page.


True ... it does work for some people. We tried an open marriage and it didn't work for us. We really didn't weigh the pros and cons. We concluded that this wasn't for us and what kind of marriage would this be for us anyway??

Oh, and I love your signature. Very true!!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

And as I've always said - different strokes, what works for some doesn't work for everyone and that's okay too.


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## Greentea (Aug 28, 2010)

I am with you.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Infidelity or an open marriage wouldn't work for me...but there are others that an open marriage DOES work for. And there are some who've survived infidelity and gone on to have a successful and happy relationship. I doubt that I could be one of them.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

louiswin said:


> I've been married for almost 22 years and I've seen a lot. Marriage was designed to be a monogamist relationship. Cheating or having an open relationship does not work in a marriage. If you want this, don't get married, or get a divorce if you want to run that way.


I agree with this wholeheartedly. What is the point of marrying if it's going to be open? I think that some women agree to this nonsense, only because they are desperately clinging to the so called husband.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

I don't think I could ever have an open marriage. That's just me, though. And you can never say never.


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## arbm (Jan 9, 2011)

I always thought that marriage was a special bond between 2 people who love each other.

I am in no way judging open relationships but why not just keep it as a "relationship" and not enter into something so importand and special as marriage..

In todays world things are so different to what it was when our grandparents and even parents were getting married, today cheating can be dealt with by a counciller or by getting revenge on your SO by doing the same....


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## Henry Chong (Jan 11, 2011)

Marriage was designed to be a monogamist relationship. Cheating or having an open relationship does not work in a marriage. [/QUOTE]
I am a man and have been married for 25 years. I fully agree with this statement. Infidelity breaches the core of a marriage, i.e. trust and respect for each other. Even both parties have made an agreement to have an open relationship within marriage, you cannot help but think what your spouse is doing in another person's arm.
Having a big heart to share your spouse with others creates more hurt distrust than freedom and happiness.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I don't care how boring our sex life might become!

I don't care how fantastic running around might be! 

I just know I don't want to make my life complicated. 

My husband is the only man I feel comfortable with, my heart is for him only. And he knows this clearly! 

Nowadays, sex has become too casual, and some people lack ability to control themselves. They want to experience excitement, in the end, they taste bitter fruit!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Open marriage doesn't work well because there's no certain forms, patterns or rules to follow.
Ppl are selfish. We want to feel secure so we don't want to share our partners with others. 
Even though they could get new excitements and enjoyments with someone else, which might bring their life laughers, but our hearts are not that big to not feel jealous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My marriage has reached a state that is less selfish. If having a outside relationship would make my spouse happier with laughters, love and joy...I would accept open marriage. If affairs would happen in my marriage again, I would discuss with my spouse about open marriage because I don't want to see my spouse feel regretful that something is missed out in his life because of marrying me. It would be too late when we're getting too old to grasp what is missed.
I'd not want to lock my spouse in the cage of the marriage because of being selfishing and jealousy.
I'd agree to have a well designed open marriage.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

Well thought out inputs from all of you. As someone who has recently experienced an open marriage, I'd caution anyone to really think hard before pursuing this lifestyle. You have to set grounds rules up front and examine the pros and cons. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it can be arousing, but on the other hand, it can be a slap in the face for your spouse. I know 1st hand that this lifestyle is not for me or my spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Admittedly it isn't for everyone. I do know a couple who have been married close to 30 years now who have had an open marriage from the beginning. They are childFREE (by choice) and they are two of the nicest people you could want to meet. Their lifestyle isn't for me, but anyone who has these people for friends is lucky.


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

just my two cents, for what that counts--
i totally agree, could not agree more. I tend to think in most cases where both people agree to an open marriage, it really is not what it seems, and one (or both) end up having alot of anguish, hurt, jealousy over it. SOmetimes one person felt no choice but to cave to the demand of it. 
interesting tidbit as an example-- for those of you familiar with Doors leadsinger Jim Morrison, him and his girlfriend had basicaly a common law marriage, lived together for years, but they aparently had a open relationship, which suposedly they both agreed to. However it was the source of regular fighting and blowups, out of jealousies and hurts. They would seperate and reunite, make up, then one of them i think usually the girlfriend, would get upset and jealous and another blowup ensued. I think from what I have read, most or all their blowups would have been eliminated if they simply commited to each other


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I don't care how boring our sex life might become!
> 
> I don't care how fantastic running around might be!
> 
> ...


:iagree: I love your posts; they are always so smart.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I don't care how boring our sex life might become!
> 
> I don't care how fantastic running around might be!
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I agree with Mrs. G ... you should get the awesome post award for that one! :smthumbup:


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