# No foreplay in marriage.



## Kj80 (Nov 10, 2015)

Hi everyone I'm new only just joined! I have been searching for a while now somewhere I can really ask some advice and came along this site. So my husband and I have been together for 10yrs we have three children, our sex life has always been absolutely magnificent until of late... When we first we're together I was young and crazy full of sexual desire as well as him but now I'm a few years shy of 30 I'm wanting more than just "rough sex". I try bring this up with my husband but he lacks empathy and really couldn't give a damn. He used to but not anymore. I've tried explaining I need to be put in the mood you can't just kiss me once and then we have intercourse. There is no effort to arouse me. Half the time I just have sex with him because he wants it. And it's always the same! Quick kiss, and straight in. We have always been adventurous in the bedroom but now it's like we've been married for 60 years and lost it! All I want him to do is put in some effort and arouse me beforehand but it seems like it's too much work. It really upsets me because I try my best to please him. This happened again just minutes ago. He expected me to get aroused into receiving oral sex by pecking me on the lips and kissing my breast I had to stop him because I wasn't becoming aroused as he's become so forceful and he was never like that. It seems he just wants to get the job done as quickly as possible. I told him to stop because it wasn't arousing me and to try a little more foreplay with me beforehand but he just sat up and went to sleep. I really don't know what to do anymore because I've told him and he's not listening. Can anyone give me some advice please? Thank you.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

That stinks. Honestly I probably enjoy the foreplay as much as or more than intercourse, get more of a high from driving my wife crazy.

Is everything else in your marriage ok? Has anything changed with your husband (work, etc...)? How about balancing your marriage along with 3 kids? Unless your H has been this way all along, there has to be something else going on with him that he blatantly disregards your needs.


----------



## Kj80 (Nov 10, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> That stinks. Honestly I probably enjoy the foreplay as much as or more than intercourse, get more of a high from driving my wife crazy.
> 
> Is everything else in your marriage ok? Has anything changed with your husband (work, etc...)? How about balancing your marriage along with 3 kids? Unless your H has been this way all along, there has to be something else going on with him that he blatantly disregards your needs.


To be honest he's never really ever done foreplay with me. After kids (and I don't know if it because I'm older now) that my wants and needs have changed. We were always like rabbits lol it's always been pretty intense sex. 

But now I'm wanting to change and be a little gentler. Everything else in our marriage is fine. We do find it hard to make time to actually have sex now that our kids are a little older they're still only young (8,6,3) 

but also we don't have a great support system. Our parents really have nothing to do with us. I'm babysitting my brother who is 8 also every weekend and my parents have never babysat our kids. So we don't really ever have time to ourselves. 

Even hiring a babysitter is $35 an hour and they times that by the amount of children. he seems a lot more distant has been for a while he's always on his phone more than me lol. I have a higher sex drive than him also. I always want it where as he really doesn't. He's always saying his tired etc

he works long days 12-14hr days so I get that. But he's on his 4th day off and tonight his last night before he has to go to work he wants to do something but the moment I try tell him without shaming him it's not working he just shut off and went to sleep.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Kj80 said:


> To be honest he's never really ever done foreplay with me. After kids (and I don't know if it because I'm older now) that my wants and needs have changed. We were always like rabbits lol it's always been pretty intense sex.
> 
> But now I'm wanting to change and be a little gentler. Everything else in our marriage is fine. We do find it hard to make time to actually have sex now that our kids are a little older they're still only young (8,6,3)
> 
> ...


His drive is slowing down, and he thinks if it is just Bang Bang he can get it over with without loosing his erection....Plus, he is naturally low drive. 

On method I use is to set up a tray with some nice fruit.... fresh pineapple, mango, kasaba melon, etc. all in bite sized chunks...and a bottle of wine. A sexy movie or a really funny one couldn't hurt....Climb into bed and just have fun, relax, between mouthfuls of fruit, stroke, tickle, smooch, make it take a long time...enjoy the wine, enjoy each other....It might not work every time, but make it something you can both look forward to....The most important part of foreplay is the PLAY...no expectations, just fun...


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Kj80 said:


> To be honest he's never really ever done foreplay with me. After kids (and I don't know if it because I'm older now) that my wants and needs have changed. We were always like rabbits lol it's always been pretty intense sex.
> 
> But now I'm wanting to change and be a little gentler. Everything else in our marriage is fine. We do find it hard to make time to actually have sex now that our kids are a little older they're still only young (8,6,3)
> 
> ...


Lol, your situation sounds very similar to mine (3 kids age 8, 6, 2). I am gone 14+ hours a day and we get very little alone time (although my parents are helpful they are more of the play with the kids for a few hours than send them on their way lol). If you don't count sleeping there are many days where we literally get zero alone time. 

It sounds like his drive has been backing down a bit which I could see causing an issue if yours is still high. If he has never really done foreplay before, and his drive has decreased, I can see why it would feel to him as "work" now. Has there been any changes to his health (weight, job stress, etc..) of late?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's a matter of respect. You've always just been that...space... that he used to get off. Now you want more. Just make it clear that this is no longer a one-sided entertainment option, that you're ready and willing to SHOW him how to make it good for you, too, but if he's not interested in that, well, neither are you. 

In other words, stop saying yes.


----------



## Kj80 (Nov 10, 2015)

Haha, thanks guys. No Changes in anything. I think maybe it's because he's tired and it takes a fair while to make me reach orgasm but only because he doesn't warm me up. Lol. 

I've tried to tell him that. Sometimes I can already be warmed up and I can literally orgasm within seconds. I Also think his sex drive has diminished as he's 15 years older than me.

Maybe he's become too lazy to do anything at all? We can go for at least an hour it's never anything short but lately he hasn't been able to reach orgasm and goes soft. But I think that's because he's belting it out going hard the whole time and I've told him he doesn't need to do that anymore.

My body and needs have changed but his stay the same? I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like it's me. And I think he'd rather masturbate in the shower than have sex with me.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You might want to read the book "Mating in Captivity". 

.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Kj80 said:


> Haha, thanks guys. No Changes in anything. I think maybe it's because he's tired and it takes a fair while to make me reach orgasm but only because he doesn't warm me up. Lol.
> 
> I've tried to tell him that. Sometimes I can already be warmed up and I can literally orgasm within seconds. I Also think his sex drive has diminished as he's 15 years older than me.
> 
> ...


So...no stop saying yes?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Stop babysitting your little brother every weekend. It will give you more time with your husband. Why don't your parents return the favor? Are you charging them $35 per hour? So, your husband is around 45 - that is one of the complications when you marry a person significantly older.

Frankly, I've never heard of that rate and multiplying by number of children? Don't teenagers babysit anymore? If my cleaning lady heard of that set-up, I'd have to hire a new one.


----------



## Kj80 (Nov 10, 2015)

Well I can't stop babysitting my brother my mum is a single mother and she has no one else. 

My mother doesn't return the favour because she works 7 days a week hence why I have my brother. 

No my husband is 42 and he has no trouble getting it up believe me its just a lack of drive. 

I think you'll find you've never heard of that rate because you do not live in a small mining town where everything is ridiculously over priced and you're overcharged for everything! Rent here for a 3 bedroom home can range between $1500-2000 per week!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

