# 3 Weeks into the 180



## Dawn Marie (Jul 2, 2012)

So, I have been trying the 180 for a few weeks now. So far I have only talked with my husband on two occasions. Neither was about US, but just business. I have to admit that I fell better about the situation. I had actually gotten to the point where I thought I might could file papers and not regret it forever. When I talked with him last I told him that I had to remove him from the medical insurance because my job may be playing out, and that I didn’t think I owed him anything anymore. I have done enough for him. His reply was, “When I think about coming home, I just know you will fight with me.” Like I had started everything! That let me know that he has not taken responsibility of his illness and the treatment he needs, and that he has not taken any responsibility for his actions that caused most of the trouble in our marriage. When I hung up, I didn’t feel sad at all. Just infuriated that he still sees me as the problem and not anything he has done. So, I went on and started to think less and less about him throughout the day. I have not cried in weeks now! And then I get the call out of the blue. He needs to see a doctor and wants to know if the insurance is canceled. Not how are you and the kids – nothing. In fact, he has not asked about any of us yet! In almost 4 months, not once. Our conversation was long. Mostly about him and his problems and the future he has planned for himself. Then he says, “I can’t come back to town because of everything, and I know you won’t come down here.” Seriously? He moves 400 miles away from his entire family and expects me to drop everything and move? Not happening. I can’t believe he even mentioned that. And now, there is a hurricane headed straight for him. Literally! He is only about 15 miles from the coast, and it is due to hit sometime this Wednesday. Has he called his family? No. He did answer when my daughter called him last night. He was preparing to ride out the storm because he has no money to leave. She offered to drive down and get him. Stupid idiot refused. Would rather sit through a hurricane than to come home to a family that loves him. Can someone tell me why I even care? So now for the next few days I will be sitting and waiting for the phone to ring and hoping that he is ok. Even though I thought I had come to grips with the reality of the situation, I still just can’t comprehend what he is thinking and how on earth he could rationalize his actions. If I had been an awful wife, I would understand. But, I happen to think I was a pretty good one. Way too much of an enabler, but a good and loving wife. I can see some of the good lessons that I have learned from all this mess, but I can also see what he has done to our children. That in its self makes me want to strangle him, and the bad part is, he doesn’t even care…(and they just gave the evacuation order due to Hurricane Isaac approaching…wonder what he will do now!)


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

DM, I find letting go the hardest part of separation. Although my STBXH doesn't have the same illnesses yours does, he his own (depression, heart) and the self-absorption is totally draining on the rest of the family. I had to tell myself not to check on his meds, or his MD appointments.
Of course he still sees you as the bad guy, that way he doesn't have to accept personal responsibility. He's a grown-up. If he wants to get blown away in a hurricane rather than accept a ride out of town, you have to let him be that stupid.


----------



## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

You cant control how other people will act, only yourself. He is an adult and needs to be accountable for his decisions while you can only control yourself. Of course you care and worry, its natural but as Pluto2 said - he has options and chosen not to take it. The rest is his call to make


----------

