# Aggressive sex and spanking



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Afternoon all,


Had an interesting lunch with some guy friends of mine. Topic turned to sex and one of my friends mentioned that he spanked his new girlfriend the other night, probably one smack, and she got offended and told him to stop. He was confused cause everyone else he had been with liked that. So I reflected on my own experiences as well and every woman I have been with also liked being spanked, hair pulled, aggressive sex and some bondage even if they experienced it with me for the first time. I honestly thought most all women liked that, hence the whole 50 shades of grey craze. I know their is always exceptions to the rule.

So I said that to my buddy and he stated that not all women like that, maybe only 50% and the reason I have never seen it is because I attracted "those types" because I am very alpha. Seemed overly simplistic to me so thought I would ask the women of TAM. Do you like aggressive sex or do you like to be in control in the bedroom. Curious


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Depends on my mood and his mood. If he's feeling particularly aggressive I'll go with the flow and receive happily. He does the same for me. We like variety when it comes to control,aggression,and the soft lovey stuff.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Nawalt.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Love a good smack on the azz.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I don't enjoy being hit, ever. I do like if H holds me firmly, or goes at PIV with energy, but I never enjoy being hurt, hit, etc. 

I like when H has a plan for sex because he always takes my needs and desires into account. If he just threw me down and went at it because he is bigger and stronger without any effort to please me, that would be a huge turn off. 

H is much more HD than me so he is usually the one with the plan, every now and again I take the reins and direct the action.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It depends on the relationship and the woman... 

I like a man to be assertive, but aggressive behaviour, and things like spanking and bondage require a high level of trust, IMO. It is something that you both have to be into, otherwise it's not going to work.

As FW said, NAWALT.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't accept hitting. Period. I'm fine with some hair tugging or getting pushed up against the wall or yelling or things like that, but no spanking, slapping, smacking or otherwise striking one another with open or closed hands. In my own opinion, striking another person is one of the most degrading and dehumanizing things people do to one another and that just isn't ever sexy to me.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Mrs Wysh says, no thanks, I'm not a horse.

She does like me to smack her bum playfully when we pass each other or if she is bending over and I catch her unawares.

Just not when we are humping.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> Mrs Wysh says, no thanks, I'm not a horse.
> 
> She does like me to smack her bum playfully when we pass each other or if she is bending over and I catch her unawares.
> 
> Just not when we are humping.


Same with me. Except that it wouldn't be Wysh it would be my own hubby of course


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

For the most part, I enjoy it, if we're going at it hard then hair pulling, biting (gently, we are not cannibals lol), and spanking are A-okay.

There has been a time or too that he did it at the wrong time or missed and slapped my lower back - that's a buzz kill lol. As a rule though, I prefer animalistic displays of dominance in the bedroom.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Same with me. Except that it wouldn't be Wysh it would be my own hubby of course


:lol:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> For the most part, I enjoy it, if we're going at it hard then hair pulling, biting (gently, we are not cannibals lol), and spanking are A-okay.
> 
> There has been a time or too that he did it at the wrong time or missed and slapped my lower back - that's a buzz kill lol. As a rule though, I prefer animalistic displays of dominance in the bedroom.


It's really just the smacking. It just doesn't seem her thing.

Loves being ridden hard sometimes, hands held above her head and manhandled. Just not the smacking, an instant passion killer for her.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I think it depends on the woman, and on the couple. 

I don't like the hair pulling at all. I have to be in the right mood to enjoy being pushed around or held against a wall. I get anxiety in tight spaces. Most of the time when there IS spanking involved, I have plenty of room to breath, so for me spanking is OK in moderation.

However, I don't like if DH is constantly swatting my bum in everyday life. To me, that is annoying. To me there is a BIG different between grabbing the bum as a physical expression of arousal or appreciation vs swatting the bum.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I think you need to have that conversation first before you just try it out.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Someone who has suffered physical abuse in the past may not take too kindly to the rough stuff, however "well-intentioned."


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I doubt even 50% would like it but 50% would probably tolerate it if it was fairly soft and not over done. 

You are either attracting that type of woman or they are not telling you what they really think. (which I think is more likely)


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I don't want to be hit but I do like the rough, aggressive, "I'm taking you right now" approach. Also a good pounding. And holding me head down during BJ. 

I also don't mind the playful swat on the butt outside of sex. I do it to him a lot as well as grabbing his crouch. 

I don't think I would like it as much, though, if I didn't also get a lot of the tender kissing, squeezing, caressing, and holding.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

What I love for bed play within the trusting, loving relationship with my husband and what I would like with a "new" relationship are quite different.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> I don't want to be hit but I do like the rough, aggressive, "I'm taking you right now" approach. Also a good pounding. And holding me head down during BJ.
> 
> I also don't mind the playful swat on the butt outside of sex. I do it to him a lot as well as grabbing his crouch.
> 
> I don't think I would like it as much, though, if I didn't also get a lot of the tender kissing, squeezing, caressing, and holding.


Mrs Wysh does this too. It's a little  at times. You can usually tell how hard she grabbed by the distance my eyeballs pop out their sockets.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I think spanking is one of those neutral things for me...like porn, or cumming on my face. It doesn't do anything for me, but it doesn't offend, turn me off, or hurt me... and it's over in a few minutes. No big deal at all. So if it turns him on... excites him that much, go for it.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> What I love for bed play within the trusting, loving relationship with my husband and what I would like with a "new" relationship are quite different.


You got that right!


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> What I love for bed play within the trusting, loving relationship with my husband and what I would like with a "new" relationship are quite different.


I think I'd be put off if it was the first time we had sex and he started yanking my hair, spanking me and throwing me around. 

I think aggression in the bedroom is okay with someone I'm committed to and know would never lay a hand on me in an abusive way. It's a trust thing I guess too.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Philat said:


> Someone who has suffered physical abuse in the past may not take too kindly to the rough stuff, however "well-intentioned."


Actually, that’s untrue too. Some like it because it gives them a sense of control about it and bonding to do with someone they feel secure with and trust. Helps heal that past by adding new context to it. But it’s a tricky thing for ‘secondary survivors’ to know when it’s alright and when it’s not. She’ll need to be good at communicating and knowing herself.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> So I said that to my buddy and he stated that not all women like that, maybe only 50% and the reason I have never seen it is because I attracted "those types" because I am very alpha.


Just once in my life, I'd like to meet someone this alpha and shake his hand.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife loves rough play and many other things.

However, she absolutely detests being hit on any part of her body, in any type of way, whether during play or any other way.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I'm afraid if I tried that my wife might think kneeing me in the groin might be sexy as well.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Can't say hitting and hair pulling would do it for me, but whatever floats your boat and all that.

I love my husbands gentle kisses and caresses...and yep, there are times when you just want a really good, hard um...f uck, lol.

I also love it when he insists that he HAS to have me RIGHT NOW. And I roll my eyes, stop what I'm doing and "submit", hehehe


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

usmarriedguy said:


> I doubt even 50% would like it but 50% would probably tolerate it if it was fairly soft and not over done.
> 
> You are either attracting that type of woman or they are not telling you what they really think. (which I think is more likely)


Well if they didn't like something and didn't say something that's on them I guess. I very much doubt it though. Being aggressive or take control is not the same as forcing. I wouldn't force anything. Have learned today that not everyone likes rough sex and that's ok too. Thank you for the replies


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ocotillo said:


> Just once in my life, I'd like to meet someone this alpha and shake his hand.


:scratchhead: really? Can't be that rare, a lot of guys I know are that way. Some old friends I have from high school are way more beta than I would ever be comfortable with but I would think them the exception not the rule. 

That being said you find yourself in colorado hit me up! beer on me


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I think kinky people can spot other kinky people. I don't know if that's alpha?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I don't consider myself kinky at all. But I love being slapped on the a$$, being bitten (hard!) on the shoulder, and generally being flipped around like a rag doll 

All in the context, of course, in a loving, trusting relationship where either partner can say, "Enough is enough."

I also love slow, tender lovemaking, looking deep into each other's eyes, and connecting in a deep, powerful way.

Having said that, I LOVE when my Alpha-Caveman-Adonis TAKES me in an aggresive, dominant way that leaves NO doubt in my mind that I am HIS and HE is MINE.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I can almost get my wife to the big O via spanking. Most of the time she is in the mood for it. For the right alpha guy I am sure he could get away with a great deal more than I do.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't consider myself kinky at all. I really don't think of myself as alpha either just seems to be a coined term here so I used it. I'm happy just being me. I do agree that a take control in all situations woman and I wouldn't make for good lovers. I think they spot that in me and I in them for sure.......and avoid it. That's ok with me as well. In a relationship I want an equal. In the bedroom guess I prefer a more submissive mindset. Everyone has their thing


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

If it's part of love's play, it's great. Playing Tarzan can be a lot of fun, but if it starts translating into a fantasy beyond the sex bubble, it's a real danger. Then you start taking the alpha male or dominatrix stuff for real.

I had a wonderful relationship with a woman that had an absolutely amazing and gorgeous a$$. She wasn't really into the spanking stuff, but when I started thumping my chest in the middle of sex and telling her that there was no way she and her gorgeous arse were going to escape from a real spanking, she found herself loving it and it became one of our favorite things to do. I also got a similar treatment. /wink


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Hi all we are not into hair pulling.
Mr honeysuckle has just introduced ( over the last 6 weeks) gentle smacking/spanking which I find a real turn on. The type of aggression we like is a gentle push onto the bed/my back/ his back to take me or me take him. Over the last month we have also discovered that we both enjoy my hands/ wrists being restrained (only by Mr honeysuckle holding my hands/ wrists) 
Nibbling is very nice but no full on biting will be accepted. Mr honeysuckle would be devastated if the heat of the moment he actually hurt me badly,made me bleed. Up until 2-3 weeks ago both our pleasures & orgasms are equal & important to both of us.


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## magenta (Feb 20, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Do you like aggressive sex or do you like to be in control in the bedroom. Curious


Being in control and "aggressive sex" are 2 different things to me. I prefer DH to be in control, but I would not enjoy aggressive sex (as you have described it).


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I like it...not all the time though


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I was thinking about this thread today. My husband will smack my butt outside the bedroom, like if I'm in the kitchen cooking for example, (I don't mind it), but he has never done it in bedroom. I wonder why that is? 

Also, I was hanging out with some girlfriends a couple weeks ago and we all agreed that while making love has it's place, once in a while we all like to be taken hard. (And by all, I mean me and my girlfriends.)


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I wonder if it is when I have done it that is the problem?

In the past I've done it while doing doggy, I just pull my upper body back a little and smack her bum while doing my stuff.

She might like to be lightly spanked for being a naughty girl as we sometimes play fight in bed which involves a little gentle smacking.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

over20 said:


> I like it...not all the time though


Interesting, over20. Under what circumstances do you like it, and how do you communicate this to your H?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Afternoon all,
> 
> 
> Had an interesting lunch with some guy friends of mine. Topic turned to sex and one of my friends mentioned that he spanked his new girlfriend the other night, probably one smack, and she got offended and told him to stop. He was confused cause everyone else he had been with liked that. So I reflected on my own experiences as well and every woman I have been with also liked being spanked, hair pulled, aggressive sex and some bondage even if they experienced it with me for the first time. I honestly thought most all women liked that, hence the whole 50 shades of grey craze. I know their is always exceptions to the rule.
> ...


The vast majority like to be spanked in my experience. A large majority also prefer to have the man overcome some physical resistance, though I start to feel a little uncomfortable at this point. A fairly large minority have rape fantasies and want you to force yourself on them while they say "no", which is not something I feel at all comfortable with - I suspect it is not something they say to their friends either. 

While a large majority prefer the man to take control (liking a confident man who knows what he wants and she is what he wants), not all. I meet a surprisingly large number of girls who want to tie me up and get kinky.

I suspect that girls who are more this sort of thing are more lacking is self-assurance than most and that I come over as very self-assured (alpha is the modern parlance) probably means I see more of them.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Yes i do.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think a new, or even new-ish, partner just out of the blue spanking me during sex would freak me the hell out, honestly.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> The vast majority like to be spanked in my experience. A large majority also prefer to have the man overcome some physical resistance, though I start to feel a little uncomfortable at this point. A fairly large minority have rape fantasies and want you to force yourself on them while they say "no", which is not something I feel at all comfortable with - I suspect it is not something they say to their friends either.
> 
> While a large majority prefer the man to take control (liking a confident man who knows what he wants and she is what he wants), not all. I meet a surprisingly large number of girls who want to tie me up and get kinky.
> 
> I suspect that girls who are more this sort of thing are more lacking is self-assurance than most and that I come over as very self-assured (alpha is the modern parlance) probably means I see more of them.



I agree with most of your post with the exception of the lacking self confidence. My opinion is they have to be very confident to give themselves up, submissive if you will. Generally it's not during the first or even second experience but when you suggest things or try things out, like light spanking, its evident they enjoy the loss of control or someone who will take control.

I have only been with one woman who I trusted enough to tie me up and that was a lot of fun actually. Was kinda weird having nothing to do but lay there and be ridden :rofl:

rape fantasy. I don't know about that. If someone suggested that I 
would be out. I'm all fine for loss of control and even some light bdsm but rape is an assault. No way am I getting involved with that. Not ok


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

I have always wanted to have aggressive sex. The kind where you pull each others hair, smack, claw, bite, choke, throw up against a wall and pound mercilessly. That's my dream  Sad it has to remain a dream :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I agree with most of your post with the exception of the lacking self confidence. My opinion is they have to be very confident to give themselves up, submissive if you will. Generally it's not during the first or even second experience but when you suggest things or try things out, like light spanking, its evident they enjoy the loss of control or someone who will take control.
> 
> I have only been with one woman who I trusted enough to tie me up and that was a lot of fun actually. Was kinda weird having nothing to do but lay there and be ridden :rofl:
> 
> ...


I think people can be very self-confident sexually, and often use that to relieve themselves in any lack of self assurance. I do not know, my cod-psychology is worthless. Having the weight of responsibility taken off you can be fun and having the reassurance that the person really wants you is clearly great. 

With the rape fantasy, I have occasionally come up with the compromise that I make love ot them gently and when they ask for it rough, I look themm straight in the eye and say "no" and force gentle love making onto them. An ironic twist perhaps, but it is the best compromise possible. Never really my cup of tea though.

Generally, I am OK if the pleasure exceeds the pain. If a girl gets turned on immensely by twisting my nipples, help yourself. If she wants humiliation, she should look elsewhere.


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