# Marriage hangin by a thread



## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

I came to this forum as I am desperate. My wife and I have been together for 9 years. We met and it seemed like destiny, she was from my country of origin (Eastern Europe) and we felt we belonged together. I married her so she could stay in the country, I supported her for over a year and paid off all her debts overseas.

We started with nothing but together have built a great life financially and in this regard things are getting better.
She has always had a difficult character and is very dominating, stresses out easily and goes right of over the most trivial things.
Throughout the years I have always stood by her and supported her when she had endometriosis, we hardly had sex in a period of around a year. During that time I never cheated but my only release was porn and she was very upset. I explained I need a release once in a while and I believe this is better than cheating, so over time she kind of accepted it. After the operation to have the condition fixed our sex life resumed but was never regular from that point.

I try to be the best husband I can, I cook more than she does, I clean the house 50-50, I run a successful business, I look after myself so I'm very fit, I don’t smoke or drink, I don't go out clubbing or drinking with friends. Every day I send her texts saying how much I love her. I'm affectionate and hug and kiss her constantly.

She does the books for the business as well as doing a regular job and she always throws it in my face how much she works and that I have time for everything. I told her I can get an accountant to do it to take the pressure of her but she takes it as criticism of her work.

She puts me down, criticises me all the time and recently she told me that I'm holding her back from doing what she wants to. This killed me as I have always supported her and gave in to all major decisions just to keep her happy. It was the last straw I packed my stuff and moved to a little room I have at the back of my business. When she texted me I told her I will only come back if we go to marriage counselling but she refuses.

I know I am a good husband and I think she knows that she will be in the wrong and will need to take responsibility in front of a third party. I have been away 4 days and she has not contacted me.

What should I do????


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

First of all, move back into YOUR house.

If you need to stay in a seperate part of the house, that's fine.

It sounds to me as if she simply wants out. Perhaps you need to approach it from that perspective and tell her that that if she wanst to end the marraige, you need to sit down and start to talk about finances.

Is there anything else that was going on before you left like was she always texting or on her phone or had long periods of time away where you didn't know where she was? Working late or lots of overtime?


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## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

We are always home in the evenings, I let her go out with her friends if she wants to. I'm just tired of constant stress she brings into the relationsip. Every weekend she goes off at something.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

She tells you that you're holding her back from what she wants to do, you move out and for almost a week she hasn't contacted you?

I think you gave her what she wanted. Nothing more to do here. You were holding her back, now you've conveniently removed yourself. All that giving on your part and what did it get you? A man (generally speaking) should learn that he can't 'nice' a woman into loving him. It doesn't work. If 'nice' DID work, she would have nothing to want for, or complain about. All the chores that get done and dinners that get made don't amount to anything when on an emotional level, she's checked out of the relationship. She wants someone or something else.


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## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

She says she loves me but her actions are quite selfish. I think you are spot on when you say she has checked out on an emotional level.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

If she was committed to you she would work on your relationship with you. If that means counseling to get to the bottom of your problems, then so be it.

She instead has made no attempts to contact you and you've been out of your home for days. Actions do speak louder than words. I'm sorry.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok my friend. Go into you closet or maybe the garage and find out where you left your backbone, because it is clear you haven't got it. You need to do several things immediately and the first is to man up.

1) Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". That is your bible for the foreseeable future. Understand that people treat you the way you let them treat you. You are being abused in this relationship. However, the worst part of it is you are letting her abuse you.

2) Get back in your house and don't ever move out again.

3) Be willing to lose her. You can not nice someone into staying with you. You are making yourself less attractive and you're not accomplishing anything.

4) Hire a book keeper or an accountant. You really don't want her running the books anyway from the way she is acting

5) Set some real boundaries. If she isn't interested in marriage counseling, then tell her the marriage is finished and she can go her own way. FIle for divorce and be totally ok with losing her.

Please don't be a whinny little b1tch! Even the tone of your original post screams "nice guy" to me. MAN UP!


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## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

Thanks Kando I will get the book.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Seems like she's bored and causing drama for entertainment or for some sort of release of her stress.
MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE as others suggested.Don't let her use abandonment against you in the event of a divorce!

Endometriosis is horrible.I went through a severe case of it and eventually had to have a hysterectomy.I was miserable,stressed,b*tchy,mean,etc. My hormones were all over the place.I saw myself being this way and felt powerless to stop it.
Having the operation to laser off the endometriosis is not a guarantee that her hormones will be regulated and normal.

I feel for both of you.


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## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

Thank you Scarlet, it's great to get so many point of views.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

You said she is difficult and domineering, stubborn too? She may still love you but is expecting you to cave. She may be waiting you out. Hold your ground! You do need to move back in for legal reasons to protect yourself if the worst happens. Move back in but make it clear that is the only reason why. Sleep in separate beds and start divorce discussions. She needs to know you are dead serious about divorcing if she refuses to work on things and start MC. If this doesn't wake her up nothing will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Desperate Husband said:


> I let her go out with her friends if she wants to.


What kind of friends and what do they do? How often do they go out?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It sounds like she "loves" all the things you have given her: nice house, cars, clothes, freedom from her debts...

... a GREEN CARD.

It sounds like she has gotten everything she NEEDED from you, and you are no longer necessary to her.

And as Mr.K said, what sort of "going out with friends" are we talking about here?

Is it shopping, out to lunch, female bonding, that sort of "going out"?

Or is it "Girl's Night Out"(GNOs), going to clubs and bars...

...all boyfriends and husbands are not welcome?


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## Desperate Husband (May 15, 2013)

Lots of you are insinuating that there may be something going on behind my back. There is cheating going on and I trust her in that regard 100%. She does not go out very often and I encourage her to spend time with friends as she tends to be a bit of a hermit.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

ok, dumb question time: Why don't you go out with her?? don't leave this in the hands of her friends to decide for you (you will lose that battle everytime). Take the bull by the horns, take her out, show her a good time yourself?


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

Go back to your wife and find out why she is feeling this way. There has to be more to it than she is telling you. Listen to her and then try bringing up getting help in your marriage again. It really does seem like you two need more communication.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Your wife is losing her attraction to you. What kind of shape are you in? Do women hit on you often?


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