# I don't want things to go this way



## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

So my wife has thrown down the ultimatum that we either have another baby or she leaves me! How can someone do this to some one after having one beautiful son who means more to us than anything. He is always saying "I love my family". We spend weekends doing fun family activities it brings so much joy to my life.

So my wife is bipolor (unmedicated and untreated; dragging her feet to get help after the diagnosis - it took 2 years of begging for her to finally talk to someone and get tested) and has threatened many times before to leave but always in her manic states; this time i fear she is serious. Truth is I don't want another child. She always says that its because I want to leave her and start another family which is not the truth and I've told her and reassured here this is false time and time again! I simply don't want any more children. I have a long list of reasons why I feel this way and all she can say is "well i want another" with no further reason or explanation.

I feel that she is trying to trap me into another baby and then going to leave and take me to the cleaners in court. This is even more messed up in that she is messaging another guy on facebook and was trying to get him to travel to visit while i was out of town on business! They are always flirty and talking while she sits accross from me at family meal time!

I'm just so lost. I don't want everything to fall apart around me but I don't want to give in to her demands just because.

if this does end in divorce is there any hope I could get split custody? I would fall apart without my son in my life.


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## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

There are also many occasions where she makes slights about "not being happy" or "settling" on me. And that we should go our own ways or that she "needs to look into getting a lawyer". 

I feel like i'm fighting a loosing battle where i'm the only one who cares. :frown2:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She already has another man to take you place?

Have you checked the call log on the phone bill to see how often they are texting/calling each other?

Is the other man married?


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## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> She already has another man to take you place?
> 
> Have you checked the call log on the phone bill to see how often they are texting/calling each other?
> 
> Is the other man married?


he lives in another country, its all be online messaging that i'm aware of. she doesn't know that i know this is going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

schism87 said:


> if this does end in divorce is there any hope I could get split custody? I would fall apart without my son in my life.


I don't know where you live. But in most states you can petition for 50/50 custody and will most likely get it. If you can show that there are mental health issues with your wife, you might be able to get more than that. 

You need to talk to a lawyer to find out your rights and what to do to protect your relationship with your son.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

There's more at stake than you or your wife's wants.

If she's already got one foot half out the door, there's no way you should have another kid with her. You simply shouldn't bring another child into a marriage that is on the rocks...its unfair to the child. And you already have one child that may have to transition a divorce as it is.

I doubt having a child will bring stability or longevity to your relationship if its already to this stage. You need to fix it first...then have children later.

It sounds like she's looking for escapism methods to keep her focus elsewhere so she doesn't have to deal with her mental health issues or your marriage issues. 

Does your wife work? If not, I'd insist she gets a job....that way, if you divorce her, you'll reduce her chances to get alimony. I'd also consult an attorney and see what actions you need to take to help increase your chances to get a fair custody arrangement.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No wonder you guys are having problems...there is a third person infecting the marriage.

Have they told each other that they love each other yet?

I hope you are protecting your money before your old lady pulls a couple of grand out and leaves the country!

Your problem isn't your wife wanting another kid....your problem is your wife wants to screw someone else.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Check out dadsdivorce.com.

You need to insist on her getting counseling and meds if that's found to be necessary.

What state/country do you live in?

How far away does he live? Have they been exchanging photos? Sexting?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So when is your wife's vacation....you know the one you aren't invited to!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

schism87 said:


> So my wife has thrown down the ultimatum that we either have another baby or she leaves me! How can someone do this to some one after having one beautiful son who means more to us than anything. He is always saying "I love my family". We spend weekends doing fun family activities it brings so much joy to my life.
> 
> So my wife is bipolor (unmedicated and untreated; dragging her feet to get help after the diagnosis - it took 2 years of begging for her to finally talk to someone and get tested) and has threatened many times before to leave but always in her manic states; this time i fear she is serious. Truth is I don't want another child. She always says that its because I want to leave her and start another family which is not the truth and I've told her and reassured here this is false time and time again! I simply don't want any more children. I have a long list of reasons why I feel this way and all she can say is "well i want another" with no further reason or explanation.
> 
> ...





schism87 said:


> There are also many occasions where she makes slights about "not being happy" or "settling" on me. And that we should go our own ways or that she "needs to look into getting a lawyer".
> 
> I feel like i'm fighting a loosing battle where i'm the only one who cares. :frown2:


Ehhh... I think I'd file for divorce.

I'd probably DNA the kid as well.


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## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> Check out dadsdivorce.com.
> 
> You need to insist on her getting counseling and meds if that's found to be necessary.
> 
> ...


we are in TN

he is in the UK, not that i'm aware of.

she keeps hinting that if my job ever sends me to the uk she wants to come with! And do what while i'm working!


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## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Ehhh... I think I'd file for divorce.
> 
> I'd probably DNA the kid as well.


positive he's mine, looks just like me


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

schism87 said:


> positive he's mine, looks just like me


Unless you have a unique physical characteristic not found in the general human population, such as an extra appendage that your son inherited from you, you really can't be 100% sure.

The DNA test is not a justification to abandon your child but to discover if your wife got pregnant by another man. Most States consider a child born during a marriage, even if the husband is not the biological father, a child of the marriage. This means that legally you are the child's father.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

schism87 said:


> positive he's mine, looks just like me


...said virtually every guy that ever discovered that one (or more) of his children weren't actually his biological offspring.

To which I normally respond...

"What... you don't have a brother? Male cousins? A living father or uncle?"


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

New baby or not, new guy or not, you've got yourself a seriously mentally ill woman who refuses to participate in her own treatment. You can assume her condition will only deteriorate. Blackmailing you with threats of leaving, demands for a child, threats of other men, eventually threats of suicide...it's not going to end unless you put a stop to it. A woman would have to say the word "settled" to me once and she'd be out the door, even if she did have a mental illness.


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## schism87 (Jun 1, 2015)

EVERYONE i talk to (just not on here) tells me to leave, why is it so hard for me to take that plunge


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You fear letting go of the known for the unknown (especially true when a child is involved). That fear tends to keep people in bad marriages. 

Talk to an attorney and find out what the chances are that you can get custody.


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