# new here - having a hard time with separation



## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

Im so glad I found this site! I've basically been dealing with this somewhat on my own. I do have family and friends around who are here for me, but all think this is the best thing for me, so its hard to express what Im feeling inside to them.

And trust me - I too KNOW that this is for the best, but still, I love my husband, no matter what has happened between us. 

So, heres my story:

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. Only married in June! I know! He has two children from a previous relationship, a daughter 8 yrs old and a son almost 7 yrs old. I have a daughter from my first marriage (I know again) who is also 8 yrs old. 

My first marriage ended because my exhusband was a drug addict, a gambler and verbally abusive. We separated when my daughter was only 3 months old. The difference with that was by the time it came to separation, I had already grieved the loss of that marriage. 

I waited 3 years after that before I even considered getting involved with anyone again. When I met my current husband, we were only friends at first. He being a single dad (their mom has never been in the picture) and me being a single mom, we bonded over that. He was a recovering addict (2yrs clean and sober) and was living with his mom and step dad and trying his best to take care of his children. I admired him so much! I had so much respect for him! After 6 months of friendship, we starting dating. We fell in love very quickly.

We had a TON of problems however, and when every one told me to run, it was already too late, I was head over heels! I came to find out that his daughter was born addicted to drugs, and it was very obvious. The behavior issues we had with her were seriously a lot to handle. Add the abandonment of her biologicial mother, her issues were off the charts! I also came to find out that my husbands own mother was a full blown alcoholic and a very cold person. 

I felt bad. I felt that I could help. I thought that once we were all together as a family, I could show his daughter what a mom is supposed to be. I thought once we got them all away from mom-mom, it would be calmer. My husband had relapsed several times thru our relatoinship and I always thought that the pressures of his home and daughter and mom were all to blame. I know it was stupid of me.

So they came to live with me and my daughter almost 2 years ago. Thats when the problems really started. His daughter hated me and my daughter! She caused a lot of stress and problems. I tried to help her, 2 counselors (both basically fired us as patients). But nothing worked. My husband calls her behavior "bubble gum sh*t". If I wrote on one third of the things she has done, your jaws would hit the floor - (but that was for another blog site) Mom mom constantly undermined me and bad mouthed me to her. It was awful! 

And yet, I still married him in June. 

December 8th, I had enough. I told them all to leave. That night my daughter thanked me. 

For the past 13 weeks, my husband has given me one ultimatium after another. I better let them back before Xmas, I better let them back before New Years, I better let them back before my daughters bday, before Valentine's day. 

I have been seeing a counselor (I started before they even moved in) but upped my appointments since the separation. I told my husband that he needed to do what he needed to for him and his daughter. NOTHING! Oh wait, yes, there was a 3 week MAJOR relapse. Thats what he did to help.

I finally told him I am done, I cant do this anymore. 

And I know that this is the BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE, but no matter what, you cant just make the love you had for someone just go away just like that.

UHHH! Just needed to vent.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Well I truly hope you've been addressing the obvious codependency issues you have as well

Welcome to TAM I wish you luck


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## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

Thanks for the welcome!

Yes, I have. In addition to my counselor, I have also started seeing an addiction counselor, who is helping me understand why I keep gravitating towards the same type of men. I am also the daughter and sister of addicts. So yes, and Im hoping that this brings a new healthier direction to my life.


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