# My husband is accusing me of cheating on him or tricking him into pregnancy



## zincic

I had my IUD removed 3 months ago. My husband was well aware that it was being removed and took me to the appointment, to avoid paying $38 for parking. My IUD was removed because it was close to the expiration date. The plan was to have my IUD removed, and immediately have another placed. My OB would not insert the new IUD because I had an infection. I was given a prescription for that, then had to book another appointment for a followup, then book an appointment to have the IUD inserted. It was a 3 month time frame of having no protection. My husband was always in the loop. I was supposed to have my IUD inserted this week, I found out 3 days ago that I’m pregnant. My husband has accused me of either cheating, or tricking him into pregnancy. 

My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL. But, he hasn’t had a vasectomy and had unprotected sex. I told him numerous times to go buy condoms or to tell me what kind he wanted (he’s extremely picky about them). He said he didn’t want to use condoms. He didn’t ejaculate inside of me, but regardless, I’m pregnant. And because he deemed it “very unlikely” for me to get pregnant, I must have cheated. Or tricked him into pregnancy. 

We had sex/other 4 times this month. It has been significantly reduced since having the IUD removed. The first time was right after my period, he pulled out. The second time was 9 days before ovulation, he pulled out and finished in his hand. The third time was the day that I was ovulating, which he knew. We didn’t have any penetration, but he ejaculated directly on me and rubbed it a bit but didn’t go in. The fourth time was two days after ovulation, he pulled out and finished on my stomach but was slow to do so. 

Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me. Neither of those are true. I have never cheated on my husband, or anyone else. I have never done anything for him to believe that I have cheated or would cheat. My husband has never cheated on me. It’s coming out of nowhere. 

I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me. I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us. 

We have one child, who is 4. He has been asking for a sibling for at least a year. We have the space and finances to have another child. The reason he doesn’t want another child is because it was hard with our first. Our relationship struggled a lot and our son was ‘difficult’. I feel like we are better prepared to handle that now, and we know better about what each of us needs. 

There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. We both work from home and are home most of the time, there is literally no time when I could have possibly cheated. 

I don’t know what I can do to help him understand that I didn’t cheat or try and trick him into another baby. I have been holding onto some of our sons baby stuff (that would be expensive to replace and is easily stored) just in case. “Just in case” became a reality, but because I held onto some stuff that means I tricked him? 

I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming. And I don’t understand his train of thought. So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff. 

It hurts so bad being pregnant and having my husband say these things about me. I’m pretty sure he has shared his thoughts with his friends as well. If he really thinks this and doesn’t change him mind, I don’t know how our marriage would last. I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test? If the baby was black, a DNA test wouldn’t even be needed since we are both 100% white.


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## personofinterest

He's being an ass. Don't play his game. Do NOT take a polygraph or any other nonsense.

And start snooping. HE's probably the one cheating.


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## SunCMars

Well.......

Poop happens, so does pregnancy.
With the main ejaculate comes the main army.

The pre-soldiers, the scouts, and the forward observers are inside the pre-cum.

One of them found the egg, was cold and burrowed itself in.

Poop happens, pregnancy happens.

God willing, yes, that.

He so wrote it, the army of sperm obeyed, did their duty.

After the Dear Baby is born, have a DNA test performed.
Shove the results where the sun don't shine.

After he sees the new babies cute face, maybe he will become reformed.

Babies are cute, they get that from you, their Momma. 
Uh, huh..


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## EleGirl

If I were you I would insist on a DNA test to end his nonsense about you cheating.

Plenty of women get pregnant even if a guy pulls out. I did. One of my sisters did. It's not uncommon at all. Before full ejaculation, semen leaks out.

Your husband chose to take a risk by having unprotected sex. He does not want to face responsilbity for what he did. 

You need to stop beating yourself up over this. You both share responsibility 50/50.

You might want to consider telling him that you will no longer tolerate him accusing you of cheating and/or getting pregnant on purpose. He chose to have unprotected sex so he chose to take the chance of getting you pregnant. He needs to accept the truth. You will not stay in a marriage in which your husband accuses you of things when he is responsible for what happened. 

You might also want to suggest that he take responsibility for birth control from here on out since he does not want any more children. A vasectomy would be in order.

Your husband making all sorts of nonsense accusations is wrong. But you are not helping things by you allowing him to do this and allowing him to beat up on you emotionally. Put your foot down.


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## wilson

I think you two would do well with some counselling. Do you have a priest you can talk to? Sometimes work will offer sessions as a benefit. It will help if he can have a neutral person help him calm down.

How is he as a dad to your other child? If he's good and enjoys it, he might just be freaking out a little bit right now. All the stress of the first child may be coming back and he's thinking he can't handle it again. But that might just be in the moment. Given time, he'll likely calm down.

It's hard to know what to say given his attitude. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt of acting crazy in the moment, but there are some red flags to worry about. Please consider some kind of marriage counselling to hopefully address these issues and create a better relationship.


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## FeministInPink

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Honestly, your H sounds like a complete ass, and he is way out of line. He didn't want another kid, wanted to have sex with his wife, but didn't want to use condoms? WTF?

The "pullout" method is the LEAST effective method of birth control. It's like, less than 70% effective. There's something called pre-ejaculate that carries sperm, and that can get your pregnant. You can even get pregnant if he pulls out an ejaculates anywhere near your vaginal opening. So if he came on you and rubbed it around anywhere near your labia, that could have worked its way in and got you pregnant. ESPECIALLY if this is when you were ovulating!

Actually, your husband sounds emotionally/psychologically abusive. Accusing you of cheating or tricking him when he refused to get condoms?

Do you WANT to have another child with this monster? Do you want to STAY with a man who would behave in such a way?


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## SunCMars

EleGirl said:


> If I were you I would insist on a DNA test to end his nonsense about you cheating.
> 
> Plenty of women get pregnant even if a guy pulls out. I did. One of my sisters did. It's not uncommon at all. Before full ejaculation, semen leaks out.
> 
> Your husband chose to take a risk by having unprotected sex. He does not want to face responsilbity for what he did.
> 
> You need to stop beating yourself up over this. You both share responsibility 50/50.
> 
> You might want to consider telling him that you will no longer tolerate him accusing you of cheating and/or getting pregnant on purpose. He chose to have unprotected sex so he chose to take the chance of getting you pregnant. He needs to accept the truth. You will not stay in a marriage in which your husband accuses you of things when he is responsible for what happened.
> 
> You might also want to suggest that he take responsibility for birth control from here on out since he does not want any more children. A vasectomy would be in order.
> 
> Your husband making all sorts of nonsense accusations is wrong. But you are not helping things by you allowing him to do this and allowing him to beat up on you emotionally. Put your foot down.



Remember this....

Sperm are little squirmy swimmers.

The main body contains the average flipper.

The pre-coming forward observers are the Navy Seals, they are the strongest, the meanest paddlers.

All of them carry a sharp knife. One of those powerful swimmers got the egg, he cut his way in and claimed the world.

HE was in :smile2:, the rest were left out, out paddling around the ovum, the oval prize. :crying:

HoooAhhh ! :grin2:


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## happyhusband0005

I suggest you inquire with your local middle school and find out if there would be an opportunity for your husband to attend class when they discuss how babies are made. Should help him understand what happened.


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## SunCMars

I hope it is a boy!

When he arrives, when he pops out, when he opens his eyes.......I hope he gives your husband the middle finger.
Yes, that.


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## Cynthia

Good grief. You husband is behaving like an ass. Do not try to get him to understand. His lack of understanding isn't the problem. The problem is that he didn't take responsibility for his desire to not have another child and is blame shifting that to you. By defending yourself, you are giving credibility to his argument. What he is doing is called verbal and emotional abuse. Don't put up with it.

Definitely get a DNA test and give him a copy. He probably won't read it, but it doesn't matter. If you get it and he knows what it is, he knows the truth. If he has any real doubts about the paternity of this child those doubts will be gone.



personofinterest said:


> He's being an ass. Don't play his game. Do NOT take a polygraph or any other nonsense.
> 
> And start snooping. HE's probably the one cheating.


I would get a DNA test, but he's the one who should be taking a polygraph test. I smell a rat here and think your husband very well may be cheating on you. This kind of behavior is indicative of someone who is trying to deflect blame onto someone else for his own behavior. I recommend you start reading some of the infidelity threads here. It could be an eye opening experience for you.

Edit to add: If your husband tries to bully you into an abortion and you give in, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Coerced abortion is extremely damaging and most women never recover from it.


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## sa58

He isn't very smart is he. Unprotected sex leads to
pregnancy. He is trying to blame you for his lack of
responsibility. Like I said not real bright, hope the baby
has your brains not his. Don;t let him bully you.


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## oldshirt

I have similar feelings and attitudes towards babies as your husband so it is with authority that I can say he's being an ass. 

Both of our kids were unplanned (by me) and while I never accused my wife of cheating or of being deceptive, I was upset and didn't handle it well. 

On a 1-10 **** Scale, I was a 6-7/10 and your husband is being a 9.2/10. 

This is not on you. It is on him. We all know from when the Rubber Lady from Planned Parenthood came to talk to our health class in high school that unprotected intercourse can result in pregnancy even if the primary volume is not deposited in the vagina. There are hundred of millions of catholics around the world that prove that "natural family planning" means that you are planning on having family. 

In my case, I was upset and that wasn't where I wanted to be, but I accepted that it was of my own doing. Then after our second was born I made an appointment and got the plumbing disconnected so it wouldn't happen again. 


As far as where to go from here, first do not accept blame or accusations of malfeasance. He is a grown man that knows where babies come from and he willfully and knowingly engaged in the activity that makes babies. 

Likewise, you knowingly and willfully took part in that activity too knowing that he would not be supportive of another child coming onto the scene. Time to both grown up and face this together. 


Your options are - 

-discontinue the pregnancy.


-Start making preparations for a family of 4 and then take the necessary precautions to ensure it doesn't happen again going forward. 

- Divorce and live as single parents taking turns having 50/50 custody and the higher earner paying child support on two young children.


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## oldshirt

Responses to some specific points in bold below. 




zincic said:


> My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL..
> 
> *Then he should've gotten the plumbing disconnected.*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me.
> 
> *I double if he actually thinks either of those things. I think he is being a cry baby and just having a hissy fit and being an ass. *
> 
> My husband has never cheated on me.
> 
> 
> *As much as a whiney, selfish, little biotch as he's being, it's not a real stretch of the imagination that there may be more that you do not know. *
> 
> I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me.
> 
> *You are both adults that know where babies come from. this is on each of you equally and up to the both of you to work out. *
> 
> 
> I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us.
> 
> 
> *Again, you are both in this together. It is not all on you, but there was probably also a part of you that did not believe he was actually serious about not wanting any more kids. My wife was this way and her friends and family would poo-poo it by saying things like "he'll change his tune when kids come," and, "guys just say that" etc etc. Mother Nature always wants you to have one more kid in case the next drought or plague or ice age kills off the ones you already have. You each have some degree of culpability and each of you knowingly took your chances. *
> 
> We have one child, who is 4. He has been asking for a sibling for at least a year. We have the space and finances to have another child. The reason he doesn’t want another child is because it was hard with our first. Our relationship struggled a lot and our son was ‘difficult’. I feel like we are better prepared to handle that now, and we know better about what each of us needs.
> 
> 
> *which contributed to not taking this seriously*
> 
> There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. We both work from home and are home most of the time, there is literally no time when I could have possibly cheated.
> 
> *Paternity is easy to prove*
> 
> 
> I don’t know what I can do to help him understand that I didn’t cheat or try and trick him into another baby.
> 
> *DNA will prove the child is his. Polygraph can support that you did not inseminate yourself. But neither of these will change what I will address below*
> 
> 
> I have been holding onto some of our sons baby stuff (that would be expensive to replace and is easily stored) just in case. “Just in case” became a reality, but because I held onto some stuff that means I tricked him?
> 
> *You did not "trick" him, but you also did not take his not wanting another baby seriously and were willing to roll the dice and take your chances. I think this is what he is actually upset about and being an ass about. He knows where babies come from and knows you didn't trick of deceive him. He is just being immature and an ass. *
> 
> I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming.
> 
> *DNA and polygraph can take care of the nuts and bolts of that and lay any thoughts of your intentional deception and fraud to rest*
> 
> 
> And I don’t understand his train of thought.
> 
> *His train of thought is that you didn't take it seriously and think that it is ok and that in the end he will come around (which he very well might) *
> 
> 
> So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff.
> 
> *He's not the brightest bulb on the tree either*
> 
> 
> . I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test?
> 
> *He doesn't really think you cheated. If a guy actually questions paternity he will agree to DNA testing. He's just being a jerk. ….and a racist jerk at that. *
> 
> 
> .


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## sunsetmist

zincic said:


> I..... I found out 3 days ago that I’m pregnant. My husband has accused me of either cheating, or tricking him into pregnancy.
> 
> My husband didn’t want anymore kids AT ALL. But, he hasn’t had a vasectomy and had unprotected sex. I told him numerous times to go buy condoms or to tell me what kind he wanted (he’s extremely picky about them). He said he didn’t want to use condoms. He didn’t ejaculate inside of me, but regardless, I’m pregnant. And because he deemed it “very unlikely” for me to get pregnant, I must have cheated. Or tricked him into pregnancy.
> 
> Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me. Neither of those are true. I have never cheated on my husband, or anyone else. I have never done anything for him to believe that I have cheated or would cheat. My husband has never cheated on me. It’s coming out of nowhere.
> 
> I 100% should have said use a condom or we aren’t having sex at all. Half of the blame in on me. I was ok with having more kids. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I always wanted more than one child so it isn’t the end of the world to me. My husband is adamant that he doesn’t want anymore, but wasn’t acting like it. I knew how he felt, and should have acted for both of us.
> 
> There was times last month that we could have gotten pregnant as well, it didn’t happen but could have. I can’t have my husband thinking that I could pregnant on purpose by shoving his semen inside of me, or that I cheated on him. ..................
> 
> I don’t know how to help him understand that I didn’t do anything that he is claiming. And I don’t understand his train of thought. So if someone else does… please help me out. He isn’t a moron, he knows how babies are made. *Last month he was slow to pull out and ejaculated as he pulled out, was worried about it. Yet didn’t agree to use condoms or do other stuff. *
> 
> It hurts so bad being pregnant and having my husband say these things about me. I’m pretty sure he has shared his thoughts with his friends as well. If he really thinks this and doesn’t change him mind, I don’t know how our marriage would last. I asked if he wanted a DNA test since they can be done non-invasively during pregnancy, he said “not unless it comes out black”. So I don’t get it! He thinks I cheated, but doesn’t want a DNA test? If the baby was black, a DNA test wouldn’t even be needed since we are both 100% white.



I am sorry for your pains--both the big, immature jerk who wants irresponsible sex and acts abusively and the agony of pregnancy under these circumstances. Does he always hold grudges, blame-shift, disrespect you, scrape the bottom of the barrel with racist rants?

As others have said, he makes us think that he's worried he will have a hard time explaining this to his girlfriend. 

I would remove myself from arguments, interactions, innuendo, and accepting his emotional abuse. Until he acted like a supportive husband, I would protect myself and baby from stress, harm, and the grief you feel as an unsupported wife.


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## Adelais

I don't know how you will be able to come back from being accused of being unfaithful. I know that I would never be able to forget something like that. This type of behavior doesn't sound like it is something new for him. Is he verbally or emotionally abusive at other times and over other issues?

Not trying to blame you, but why didn't you go on the pill while the IUD was not in, since you knew that he wasn't going to use condoms?


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## personofinterest

Please dont cave in to a polygraph. The suggestion of those is my pet peeve. And you have ZERO reason to.

ZERO


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## Adelais

zincic said:


> Part of him believes that I either cheated or used my fingers to push the semen in after he ejaculated on me.


Did your husband ever take a high school Biology class??? 1,000's of genetically healthy sperm swim toward the cervix, following a mucus that originates in the uterus. It can take a couple of days for the sperm to find the egg, and that is why sperm live for about 2 days inside the vagina. Even if his sperm was on the outside of you, it could potentially make its way to an egg. It only takes one sperm!

There can also be sperm in pre-ejaculate, because if he masturbated in the last couple of days, there could easily be some hanging inside his penis.

He can watch a video about it on YouTube.


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## FeministInPink

Araucaria said:


> I don't know how you will be able to come back from being accused of being unfaithful. I know that I would never be able to forget something like that. This type of behavior doesn't sound like it is something new for him. Is he verbally or emotionally abusive at other times and over other issues?
> 
> Not trying to blame you, but why didn't you go on the pill while the IUD was not in, since you knew that he wasn't going to use condoms?


The antibiotics for the infection would likely have compromised the efficacy of the pill. Also, she might not be able to to hormonal birth control, hence the IUD.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Adelais

FeministInPink said:


> The antibiotics for the infection would likely have compromised the efficacy of the pill. Also, she might not be able to to hormonal birth control, hence the IUD.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I didn't know that. As a teenager they were prescribed to me to regulate my period along with an antibiotic for my complexion. Since I was a teen and not married, the Dr. didn't warn me about the danger of pregnancy since back then the Dr.s assumed young people were not sexually active and in my case he was right. Or perhaps they didn't know about the danger of antibiotics reducing the efficacy of the pill back then so he wouldn't have told me even if he had thought I was sexually active.

So in OPs case it would have been 100% on her husband to prevent pregnancy. Using the "pull-out" method and not even pulling out on time, and then blaming OP...what a little boy!

He doesn't deserve to have you as his wife. He owes you a sincere apology.


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## aine

Your husband is being terrible, at a time when a woman needs to be supported he pulls this crap

Tell him he knows full well you are not cheating and that he is equally responsible for the pregnancy and that what he is doing is very very hurtful.

If he cannot be an adult about all of this then it might be better if you were not together.

Unless he is really dumb he has got to know that this behavior is putting major holes in the marriage ship

I would put him on cold storage, no sex until he sits down and talks about the whole saga

Start doing the 180 on him, let him know what life would be like without you or your child in his
Is there any reason to suspect him of cheating?


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## turnera

Read this book and come back and let us know what you think: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.


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## FeministInPink

Araucaria said:


> I didn't know that. As a teenager they were prescribed to me to regulate my period along with an antibiotic for my complexion. Since I was a teen and not married, the Dr. didn't warn me about the danger of pregnancy since back then the Dr.s assumed young people were not sexually active and in my case he was right. Or perhaps they didn't know about the danger of antibiotics reducing the efficacy of the pill back then so he wouldn't have told me even if he had thought I was sexually active.
> 
> So in OPs case it would have been 100% on her husband to prevent pregnancy. Using the "pull-out" method and not even pulling out on time, and then blaming OP...what a little boy!
> 
> He doesn't deserve to have you as his wife. He owes you a sincere apology.


It depends on a) the type of pill, there are a wide variety now; b) the type of antibiotic, as there are a wide variety; and c) any other medications.

There are so many combinations, doctors don't know all the reactions. Any time I was prescribed an antibiotic (while I was on hormonal birth control), I was warned to use condoms, JUST IN CASE.

If the antibiotic you were prescribed was a common treatment for acne, your doctor may have known for a fact that it wouldn't interfere with the BC you were on. Or maybe not, maybe he assumed you weren't having sex.

I ALWAYS check with the pharmacist about interactions with other medications I'm taking. The pharmacist usually knows better than the doctor about this, because the pharmacist is a... wait for it... doctor of pharmacology. Both are brilliant, but with different areas of expertise. I haven't yet needed to ask a doctor to prescribe something different because their prescription would have caused adverse effects, but you never know, and that one time you don't check... better safe than sorry is what I say.


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## uhtred

It is possible that he honestly doesn't know that pregnancy isn't that unlikely with the withdrawal method.

It does seem strange to me though - unless you both wanted kids, why were you having unprotected sex at all. Not blaming, but did you warn him?


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## personofinterest

uhtred said:


> It is possible that he honestly doesn't know that pregnancy isn't that unlikely with the withdrawal method.
> 
> It does seem strange to me though - unless you both wanted kids, why were you having unprotected sex at all. Not blaming, but did you warn him?


You should probably carefully read the very first post. He knew everything. HE didn't want condoms.


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## Diana7

He sounds very immature and angry. You have no reason to try and justify anything. If HE didn't want to have any more children then HE should have made sure that he either a) already had a vasectomy, or b) used a condom or c) not had sex till you had the IUD put in, especially in the most fertile part of the month. 
It seems he doesn't take responsibility for his actions and blame everyone else. 

Congratulations on the baby, I am sure your older child will be very happy about it. Its so good to have siblings and not be alone. 
Please please don't let him persuade you to kill that child, you will resent him for ever. If he pressures you then what does that say abut him that he could kill his own child?


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## uhtred

HE didn't want condoms but maybe he was ignorant of the risk of pregnancy without them




personofinterest said:


> You should probably carefully read the very first post. He knew everything. HE didn't want condoms.


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## personofinterest

uhtred said:


> HE didn't want condoms but maybe he was ignorant of the risk of pregnancy without them


Then HE is stupid.


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## Diana7

uhtred said:


> HE didn't want condoms but maybe he was ignorant of the risk of pregnancy without them


Hopefully you re joking with that comment. :surprise:


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## Cynthia

uhtred said:


> HE didn't want condoms but maybe he was ignorant of the risk of pregnancy without them


What? He didn't know the risk of pregnancy without using birth control? It sounds like that is what you are saying. Which is the same as not knowing where babies come from.


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## Rob_1

uhtred said:

Original Post

"HE didn't want condoms but maybe he was ignorant of the risk of pregnancy without them"


Excuse me??😳


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## uhtred

CynthiaDe said:


> What? He didn't know the risk of pregnancy without using birth control? It sounds like that is what you are saying. Which is the same as not knowing where babies come from.


Form what she said it sounded like he thought withdrawal was safe. There are some very uninformed people out there. 

It matters because if this whole issue is due to his ignorance, then if he can be shown that it was not at all unlikely she became pregnant due to their activities, the his concern may go away.


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## uhtred

Diana7 said:


> Hopefully you re joking with that comment. :surprise:


NO, I'm really not. There are some very ignorant people out there.


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## personofinterest

uhtred said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hopefully you re joking with that comment. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_surprise.png" border="0" alt="" title="EEK! Surprise!" ></a>
> 
> 
> 
> NO, I'm really not. There are some very ignorant people out there.
Click to expand...

No, this is what it looks like when someone stretches just a but to far to make the man the victim.

Sorry, this one's on the jerk husband, NOT the wife.


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## 269370

personofinterest said:


> No, this is what it looks like when someone stretches just a but to far to make the man the victim.



I have to disagree. Whenever wife stretches her butt, I never feel like the victim. More like Conan, The Buttbarbarian! 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Cynthia

uhtred said:


> NO, I'm really not. There are some very ignorant people out there.


I see. Thanks for explaining. So basically what you're saying is that he is an ignorant fool and now he's blaming his wife for his ignorance. I can see that being possible, but I think he knew the risks. His wife told him. If he's not going to believe his wife and then blame her when his plan fails, he's really a piece of work.


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## Decorum

DNA test!


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## uhtred

personofinterest said:


> No, this is what it looks like when someone stretches just a but to far to make the man the victim.
> 
> Sorry, this one's on the jerk husband, NOT the wife.


How to you get that from what I posted? How did I suggest he was the victim? I suggested that maybe he is ignorant. I make that suggestion because if he is ignorant, not evil, then this can be fixed if she can convince him that it was not at all unlikely that he got her pregnant. 

Consider the possibilities:

1). He is evil and controlling and is accusing her as a means of control while knowing full well how she got pregnant. If so, the only answer is divorce, there is no point living with someone like that. 

2). He is ignorant and didn't think she could get pregnant that way, so figured she must be cheating. If he honestly believes this, then if he can be shown that he is incorrect there is no reason for the marriage to end

Are there other options? Why else might he have made that accusation?

#1 is hopeless. #2 has some hope, so might as well explore it first. 


As an aside, if you look at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4166686/
withdrawl is only about 2X worse than condoms for preventing pregnancy. That surprised me when I saw it.


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## personofinterest

Decorum said:


> DNA test!


Aaaaannnnnnd here we go

I'm surprised it took this long

Oh wait, it didn't 

How sad it must be to live this way


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## personofinterest

"He is ignorant and didn't think she could get pregnant that way, so figured she must be cheating. If he honestly believes this, then if he can be shown that he is incorrect there is no reason for the marriage to end"

I get why people on forums feel this way....

But in the NORMAL world, an innocent person should not be subjected to medical tests and polygraphs when they've done nothing wrong.

If I know I'm innocent and he dint believe me, I'm gone.

The end


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## Decorum

.


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## BarbedFenceRider

Like whoops babies never happen before this....

The guy is projecting his distaste for getting pregnant again in the most adolescent way possible. So I feel that you do have an artillary shell waiting to be fired.

You need to go to the states family law site, and look up what it costs for child support and print it out. Go ahead and itemize all the costs associated with raising the child to 18 years. And then, I would say that while you love him, that his actions have really hurt you and shamed the family. I would demand that counselling take place immediately. 

But you need to be proactive, and not back down. And even IF you are still pregnant, you may want to limit condoning his actions with bedroom fun for awhile. After all, he called you the "cheater" right?


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## Ursula

I don't mean to sound mean, but does your husband understand fully how sex and pregnancy work? Does he realize that as soon as he puts his penis inside of you sans protection, that there's a risk of pregnancy there? Even condoms, IUDs, the pill, etc. aren't 100%, but it's far better than zero protection. You can't push semen into you from the outside of your body to get pregnant, so of course you didn't do that. Even if you did, those little swimmers were probably expired already, and if they weren't, they'd have WAY too far to swim. 

This is on both of you, not just you. If you wanted him to wear condoms, you go buy them regardless of the brand. If he doesn't like them, he can either go buy his own straight away, or forego the sex. But for him to be so blasé about it, then put the onus all on you is bewildering. 
@personofinterest has a point… start looking around at what he's doing. And, as @EleGirl says, put your foot down.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Don't back down.

He's an idiot. (I hope I can say that in this case).


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## threelittlestars

Listen you need to confront this bull**** head on. Tell him you are booking both a attorney appointment and a possible (abortion) since he lodged his head in his ass. You don't need to get the abortion however. Just go to learn all your options. Even if he cows now he will be abusive about this in the future. Every time that baby cries or needs something, (it will always be your problem). 

This child is not your mutual child in his eyes. This kid is totally unwanted by him. I would personally struggle to go through with the pregnancy. But i still would (that is my personal choice). I would entertain adoption out this child, but it would be painful putting a child up for adoption just because of this situation...keeping the older sibling, ect.... 

You need to get away from this man.... 

I would NEVER stay married to such a person. NOT A ****ING CHANCE IN HELL.


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## Bananapeel

The issue from the husband's point of view is probably that he knew she wanted another baby and he didn't, so when she came up pregnant he probably didn't completely trust her motivation to do everything in her power to prevent pregnancy. Now he shouldn't put all the responsibility on her since he chose to have sex with her and is responsible for his choices, but depending on their dynamic I can see why he could be upset with an unexpected pregnancy. Probably once he has time to calm down and they can actually communicate they can decide what is the best choice for them.


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## personofinterest

Bananapeel said:


> The issue from the husband's point of view is probably that he knew she wanted another baby and he didn't, so when she came up pregnant he probably didn't completely trust her motivation to do everything in her power to prevent pregnancy. Now he shouldn't put all the responsibility on her since he chose to have sex with her and is responsible for his choices, but depending on their dynamic I can see why he could be upset with an unexpected pregnancy. Probably once he has time to calm down and they can actually communicate they can decide what is the best choice for them.


He went with her to medical appointments. He refused condoms. He called her a cheater.

Sorry....no baggage free person could possibly spin this in his favor.


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## Taxman

That is one royal ass. I'm sorry that you have any children with this boob. Accusations of infidelity are mental cruelty and in a more or less genteel era was grounds for divorce. Now, I do not believe that he deserves for you to prove your fidelity nor does he deserve to accuse you of entrapment. I would point out to him that the number of progeny will weigh heavily with the courts, and you will be mighty happy to have him pay out the nose while living in a crappy little apartment . First, demand a full heartfelt apology. Ask him if he wants anyone to know what crap issued forth from his mouth like a sewer. Don't think he wants that public image. Apologize he must. Second, he needs to be in the doghouse for a fair amount of time. Damn. Ignorance, anger and arrogance does not make for a great spouse.


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## FeministInPink

Has anyone else but me noticed that the OP never came back or responded?
@zincic Is there any update or news?


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## Bananapeel

personofinterest said:


> He went with her to medical appointments. He refused condoms. He called her a cheater.
> 
> Sorry....no baggage free person could possibly spin this in his favor.


I'm not spinning it in his favor. I'm trying to explain what I imagine his point of view is. I can't be the only person that likes to imagine problems from multiple perspectives, can I? Talking about relationship problems isn't about right vs wrong but about understanding each other so that two people can clearly discuss issues that are important to them and come up with a solution they both can accept. She needs to understand his perspective and he needs to understand her perspective (rather than assign blame, which is what seems to mostly be happening with this thread) just like in any relationship. 

BTW, there's no such thing as a baggage free person once they reach adulthood and have been in a few relationships. We all have our experiences that influence our perspectives. Baggage isn't necessarily bad because it can allow people to grow.


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## personofinterest

"it can allow people to grow."

And when it does, their negative biases are reduced, like insulting biases about cleaning service vs wives, for example 😉


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## zincic

My husband wants me to have an abortion... he has dropped saying that I cheated but is convinced that I got pregnant intentionally by shoving his sperm back inside me. I don't even know what to say... so I haven't responded here. I don't know what I'm going to do... I have been throwing up non-stop the last few days and he won't to do anything to help me without complaining about it. I just want him to stop...


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## Rob_1

OP, if you do nothing, nothing will happens. You are allowing your husband to treat you the way he wants, because he can see that you won't stand up to him. So, decide what YOU want, no what he demands and follow through.


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## sunsetmist

zincic said:


> My husband wants me to have an abortion... he has dropped saying that I cheated but is convinced that I got pregnant intentionally by shoving his sperm back inside me. *I don't even know what to say... so I haven't responded here. I don't know what I'm going to do...* I have been throwing up non-stop the last few days and he won't to do anything to help me without complaining about it. I just want him to stop...


Don't hesitate to return here because you don't know what you are going to do. I'm thinking your hesitation is more about us saying he is emotionally abusive and you want to ignore that. He is dominant and you don't have the strength or courage to stand up to his ****. 

I repeat my advice in post #14: 
I am sorry for your pains--both the big, immature jerk who wants irresponsible sex and acts abusively and the agony of pregnancy under these circumstances. Does he always hold grudges, blame-shift, disrespect you, scrape the bottom of the barrel with racist rants?

I would remove myself from arguments, interactions, innuendo, and accepting his emotional abuse. Until he acted like a supportive husband, I would protect myself and baby from stress, harm, and the grief you feel as an unsupported wife.

Your health is at risk--he hopes it leads to miscarriage so why would he help you? I think you will be sorry if you let him force abortion. i also think you will have many years of turmoil and chaos if you remain with him.


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## turnera

zincic said:


> My husband wants me to have an abortion... he has dropped saying that I cheated but is convinced that I got pregnant intentionally by shoving his sperm back inside me. I don't even know what to say... so I haven't responded here. I don't know what I'm going to do... I have been throwing up non-stop the last few days and he won't to do anything to help me without complaining about it. I just want him to stop...


zincic, YOUR HUSBAND IS ABUSIVE.

Please stop expecting him to be a decent person. He is INCAPABLE of being a decent person. If you won't read the book I suggested, read this list; see if you recognize your husband in it.

Do you have family? Please call them or visit them and ask for help. There is no reason for you to abort your baby. The only reason you're even considering it is because HE doesn't want it. But you will be an amazing mother to that baby, with or without him.


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## Taxman

That is abuse. First, usually I try to convince the verbal abuser that it is in their interest to stop. I have given them a laundry list of consequences for this, inclusive of a punitive divorce that will leave them penniless and sexless. He is an ass of the highest order, and coercion into an abortion is assault. I think he needs a wakeup call: Tell him if he pesists in this, his entire family will find out that he wants an abortion of his child, coupled with a separation while pregnant. Let him see what a judge would do to him for this. And if he does not want any more children, there are vasectomies available. Funny story: My mother had issues with my wife. My wife had two bad, nearly life threatening pregnancies. We talked it over, and came to a logical conclusion that tying her tubes was both invasive, and time consuming, whereas, a vasectomy is short with a short recovery time. My mother was horrified, and stepped right in it. She, without thinking, said, "Then how will you give your next wife a child?" I did not miss a beat, and told her that my dad could stand in for me. That went over like a pork chop at a bar-mitzvah. Good thing: My urologist found a pre-cancerous lesion on my right nut. (I blocked a kick in HS Football, and my "tinny" did not save me). Had I not had a Vasectomy, the likelihood would have been developing Testicular Cancer within five years. Many cancers of that nature are not detected.


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## personofinterest

zincic said:


> My husband wants me to have an abortion... he has dropped saying that I cheated but is convinced that I got pregnant intentionally by shoving his sperm back inside me. I don't even know what to say... so I haven't responded here. I don't know what I'm going to do... I have been throwing up non-stop the last few days and he won't to do anything to help me without complaining about it. I just want him to stop... <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/frown.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Frown" ></a>


What a disgusting man.


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## Cynthia

Taxman said:


> That is abuse. First, usually I try to convince the verbal abuser that it is in their interest to stop. I have given them a laundry list of consequences for this, inclusive of a punitive divorce that will leave them penniless and sexless. He is an ass of the highest order, and coercion into an abortion is assault. I think he needs a wakeup call: Tell him if he pesists in this, his entire family will find out that he wants an abortion of his child, coupled with a separation while pregnant. Let him see what a judge would do to him for this. And if he does not want any more children, there are vasectomies available.


100% agree with this.

Your husband is an abuser. If he's doing this while you are pregnant, I cannot imagine what day to day life is like with such a person. You must be a lot of pain. I'm so sorry he is behaving like this. Please do not listen to him. Get away from him. He is hurting you. If you agree to his demands, you will never get over it and your marriage won't survive anyway. I hate to say this, but your marriage is over. He has killed it and now he's trying to get you to kill your baby.

(Edited: I wrote something that was very unchristian and it's been bothering me ever since, so I deleted it.) What a piece of work. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Not in a million years. Get a book on divorce in your state and find an attorney immediately. I recommend before that you get a DNA test to shut him up, but it's pointless now. Just turn your back on him. He has turned his back on you. He has deserted you and your child. Run.


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## EleGirl

zincic said:


> My husband wants me to have an abortion... he has dropped saying that I cheated but is convinced that I got pregnant intentionally by shoving his sperm back inside me. I don't even know what to say... so I haven't responded here. I don't know what I'm going to do... I have been throwing up non-stop the last few days and he won't to do anything to help me without complaining about it. I just want him to stop...


I'm sorry to say this, but I think your marriage is over or at least on the fast slide to being over.

I don't see how this can work out. Getting an abortion is not going to solve the problem. Sure there will no longer be a pregnancy. But it does not solve the problem that your husband is abusive. How could you possibly continue in a relationship with a man who accuses you of getting pregnant on purpose, takes no responsibility for his choice to have unprotected sex and then mistreats you.

If you keep this child, I don't see how your marriage can continue since he does not want the child.

So, I think you need to decide what you want to do with the idea that you will be divorced and on your own.

Do you have any friends or family who you trust to confide in? Maybe one or two trusted people. You really need some support in your real life.


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## turnera

Even if you don't want to raise a child, there are thousands of couples who can't conceive who would receive the greatest gift in the world if they could adopt your baby.


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## personofinterest

turnera said:


> Even if you don't want to raise a child, there are thousands of couples who can't conceive who would receive the greatest gift in the world if they could adopt your baby.


AMEN

signed,

A thankful alive adopted person


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