# What would an alpha do?



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Every day is a constant process of trying to improve myself to be a better person, which includes increasing my alpha behavior. I often times ask myself "What would an alpha do?" when faced with situations or decisions throughout the day.

I found it has guided me to make better decisions and choices. Has anyone else done that?

I know this doesn't make me alpha, and I don't believe I am a true alpha. However, as some have said, the degree of alpha one has is on a sliding scale. I'm trying to increase it.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

An alpha wouldn't worry if he is being alpha enough, for starters....

People constantly are confusing "confidence" with this term alpha...

Alpha can't be practiced, learned, or faked. Meet some movers and shakers in any field, and you will realize what I'm talking about. 

Confidence, however, can be practiced, learned, and perfected. 

Confidence is the ultimate male accessory. It goes with any outfit, at any place, with any one, and is always envied and admired.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Each person should ask "am I being true to myself?" before any action is taken.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Personally, I think that more basic questions apply to those who are driven to change something in their life. Not sure if it is even the same thing as alpha though.

They are:

What progress have I made today in XXXX (you name it, and the question is always there)?
Have I let fear or indecision prevent me in any way from being the husband/father/manager I should be?

Note - fear also implies having the courage to look at her real needs honestly, even if you don't like what it says about your own success, or lack of, in meeting her legitimate needs.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok being alpha in a business aspect and personal aspect are slightly different. When in a relationship an alpha would not have to ask or demand any sexual favors. His spouse would practically throw herself at him. This is because he takes pride in pleasing her. The better he is able to please her, make her want it, and have her begging for more is a major ego boost for him. 

Now think about this. Which sounds better? 

"Oh yeah I demanded she give me a blowjob and I didnt take no for an answer!"

Or......

"Yep she gives me a blowjob damn near every time she sees me. She just cant keep her hands off me."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

"What would an alpha do?"..... Well, for starters, he wouldn't even ASK what an alpha would do... That aside, I never ask what an "alpha" female would do. Why? Because I am not some other person. I am me. I do what is best for ME and for MY family. Sometimes, that is something that follows "alpha" traits. Sometimes it is not. But the important thing is you follow what works for YOU and YOUR family... not some arbitrary entity online!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

WWAD? whatever he wants or needs to.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I used to think the word Alpha was awesome when it was aimed at animals. Now it just makes me roll my eyes and think how glad I am to be single right now.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> I used to think the word Alpha was awesome when it was aimed at animals. Now it just makes me roll my eyes and think how glad I am to be single right now.


Lmao I know right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If a person concentrates on maintaining healthy self-esteem, healthy boundaries, a healthy body and mind, living a life of honesty / integrity and nurturing healthy relationships - there will be little or no need to second guess themselves by pondering what an alpha would or would not do.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Can I use my Gentlemanly calm tempered husband as an example....

He ISN'T Alpha by most standards (couldn't pay him to be a Boss, thinks all people who brag are complete douche bags, doesn't have a six pack, was never a







, not a Muscle man, hates sports, and is Introverted)....He loves his kids more than life, is faithful, devoted & true to his every word, excellent provider... so damn BETA... the good BETA. 

But...some of his ways are ALPHA (I believe)....he could care less what others think of him...outside of our little family... they can brand him anyway they choose....he'll just  & laugh right along with them....and he's done that! He genuinely likes who he is and enjoys his life.

He acts according to his character in most situations. There are surely times he shuts his mouth, cause otherwise he might get the sh** beat out of him - if he REALLY spoke what he was thinking... we need common sense too. 

He is not afraid to be honest - even if it is not a popular view. One time his Boss said to him ......"You can't say that!"...and he replied to him..... "But it's TRUE"...and his boss said ..."I know that... but you can't say that!!".....(they were having this little argument back & forth...he can't remember the subject matter, darn - I wish he could).... 

He may not readily offer his opinion, but IF YOU ASK..... don't be offended ....cause he'll tell you like it is... after all, you asked for it.

Not afraid of showing mushy feelings -even though he is a man...to his wife....Adore this about him, he is vulnerable with me..and I eat that up. 

He is even getting a little mouthier at work these days...gotta watch he doesn't go too far, or he'll loose his "peacemaker" reputation there & start acting like the rest of them.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

When I think of the word "Alpha" it reminds me of my dog...who becomes aggressive and "Alpha" dog like when he wants to try to hump my leg! Bad puppy!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)




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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Oh wait, I know. Its called Obsession.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lon said:


> WWAD? whatever he wants or needs to....


........_do ,in order to achieve his goals_.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> ........_do ,in order to achieve his goals_.


with the main goal being to do what he wants and needs to :smthumbup:


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind a true alpha wouldn't need to ask. He/she's a leader not a follower. A true alpha would do what he/she believes to be right. He/she would then evaluate the outcome of that decision to aid with the decision making process the next time around.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Oh wait, I know. Its called Obsession.


Isn't that a perfume? :scratchhead:


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Okay guys, give the little fellow a break. He said he didn't think he was %100 alpha. (Btw, somebody whose actions are %100 alpha probably has narcissistic and anti-social personality disorder combined. )

Whenever I find myself unable to choose because I am rendered unable by my daily fears, I ask myself "what would -insert confident person name here- do in this position?" I immediately find it easier to see and weigh out all my options, because a) the question implies that there has been someone in your shoes, so you're not alone and b) you think outside the box thus eradicating any mental limitations.

And who the **** wants to be an alpha? Go sigma or lamba, dudes, you won't be dissapointed. Even gamma is better then alpha. Just don't be an omega.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

MaritimeGuy said:


> In my mind a true alpha wouldn't need to ask. He/she's a leader not a follower. A true alpha would do what he/she believes to be right. He/she would then evaluate the outcome of that decision to aid with the decision making process the next time around.


:iagree:

Reminds me of a saying I saw once..."The lion does not lose any sleep over the opinions of sheep."
A truly strong person (strong on the inside) does not crave the approval of others.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Shadow_Nirvana said:


> Unfortunately for me, I have, it was sort of a joke.


Got it. I saw the adjective you used.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeah I disagree. Imo people have the wrong ideas about alphas. The OP is one of them and some of us are trying to help him understand this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Well actions that are alpha or beta and sociosexual hierarchy which has alpha, beta, gamma, delta, omega, sigma, lambda types of people are different things i think people are mixing them up. Don't.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

While I do agree that multiple threads all of the subject of alpha is a little overboard, let's all remember that we are here because most of us are hurting from from aspects of our real lives. speaking to derogatory about people, like calling them "little guy" does nothing to help the original poster, or for the person saying to help themselves. 
while the vast majority of people here may not agree with what the OP is saying, the option is always there of just not returning to the thread rather than than belittling somebody who may be just looking for a way to express what is bothering them. (saying this to myself in the loudest voice  )


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Several replies have been removed. Hijacking a thread with jokes and insults is a violation of forum rules regarding respect for each member. The OP has welcomed feedback, even respectful disagreements, from the valuable responses so far, so I don't want to take away from the thoughtful discussion. Lets just keep it respectful please.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Alpha/beta/omega...

Reminds me really of when I tried to help out my "beta" mates to be more confident, more flirty, more decisive, more manly and perhaps more "alpha"?

Oh hell did they screw sh-t up. It's just NOT them, they have to find their confidence and style in their own way. Not everyone is going to be a natural flirt and some even want women who can make their own decisions instead of letting a man do everything even if they are decisive themselves (my trait - I dumped/friendzoned/make-into-FWB dates who let me do everything, and don't seem to be able to challenge me, it's a "fitness test", guess that makes me "beta"?). And everyone loses their confidence from time to time, everyone has hard times in their lives.

Just be yourself and be confident, and content in who you are as a person.

@Halien

Whao wah? Congratulations on the cop badge! lol


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Obviously, I know the process of asking myself what would an alpha do means I'm not really an alpha. That is the point though because I don't claim to be alpha, I strive to be more like one.

In my life, I don't ever talk about this alpha business, I just act in a way that might be perceived as alpha. I think my wife has seen a change in me as have the people at work. Yet, they won't know I'm trying to be like that. In fact, I never really thought about alpha until I came to this discussion board. I read some threads about it, and realized that's what I've been missing. I have to thank this board for that.

However, as someone said, the term alpha could be mixed with confidence or being a leader. I suppose I'm more of a leader now rather than an alpha. I've learned it's better to be a leader than a follower.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Adex said:


> Obviously, I know the process of asking myself what would an alpha do means I'm not really an alpha. That is the point though because I don't claim to be alpha, I strive to be more like one.
> 
> In my life, I don't ever talk about this alpha business, I just act in a way that might be perceived as alpha. I think my wife has seen a change in me as have the people at work. Yet, they won't know I'm trying to be like that. In fact, I never really thought about alpha until I came to this discussion board. I read some threads about it, and realized that's what I've been missing. I have to thank this board for that.
> 
> However, as someone said, the term alpha could be mixed with confidence or being a leader. I suppose I'm more of a leader now rather than an alpha. I've learned it's better to be a leader than a follower.


Now you are on a better track.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

humanbecoming said:


> An alpha wouldn't worry if he is being alpha enough, for starters....


Yes he would. A smart alpha would apply some quality improvement techniques to make himself even more alpha (if that was his goal).











 act
 review - look at how your actions went; decided what went well and what went poorly
 improve - determine how you can do better, and not just the things you did poorly, but also the things you thought went well (good things can be improved also)
 plan - that's right, make a concrete plan for how to handle this in the future
 act - go back to #1 and do it again.

This is an endless loop. It's not even correct to say it has a beginning and an end. You're just in the loop.

Every time you go though an iteration of the loop you improve. You don't have to make huge improvements each time you go though the loop. Little improvements work fine, because over those little improvements each loop add up to huge improvements (also, making small corrections each iteration makes it easier to make course corrections in the next loop).

Planning, analyzing, thinking logically about how to improve a situation, and then acting are all masculine traits. I would certainly call it alpha to create a vision of where you want to go, then start making plans to there.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Adex:

Have you considered reading up on the biographies of famous LEADERS (military, political, business)? Since your focus is to improve your LEADERSHIP skills (in ALL areas of your life) instead of focusing on 'alpha' behavior per se, perhaps studying what made GREAT men truly GREAT would give you more insight.

Why did Alexander the Great's men follow him?
Why did people implicity trust Churchill in WWII even while dodging nightly bombing raids in London?

ALL truly GREAT leaders will have traits in common! Find out WHAT those traits are, decide if you have them. Work towards them.

Books on leadership will get you where you want to go FASTER than websites on alpha-ism (IMO).

Good luck!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Planning, analyzing, thinking logically about how to improve a situation, and then acting are all masculine traits. I would certainly call it alpha to create a vision of where you want to go, then start making plans to there.


They are the traits of any healthy, successful adult. Male or female. We all need to set goals and regularly assess where we are going in life, and modify our progress where necessary.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Adex said:


> Every day is a constant process of trying to improve myself to be a better person, which includes increasing my alpha behavior. I often times ask myself "What would an alpha do?" when faced with situations or decisions throughout the day.
> 
> I found it has guided me to make better decisions and choices. Has anyone else done that?
> 
> I know this doesn't make me alpha, and I don't believe I am a true alpha. However, as some have said, the degree of alpha one has is on a sliding scale. I'm trying to increase it.


Just my two cents. I hope you do not really mean do what a pure Alpha would do. I hope you mean, do what a guy who had a good blend of Alpha / Beta traits would do. These are completely diffeterent things.

Doing what one perceives as pure Alpha behavior is pretty much programming oneself to be an utter @$$hole.

So I do not think you mean this. You mean you are trying to enhance the Alpha traits you have within you.

But what is your purpose?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MaritimeGuy said:


> In my mind a true alpha wouldn't need to ask. He/she's a leader not a follower. A true alpha would do what he/she believes to be right. He/she would then evaluate the outcome of that decision to aid with the decision making process the next time around.


Wow. Ok. Forgive me. LOL. A pure Alpha is not a leader. A pure Alpha is only concerned about what he thinks is right for him. Leaders do have a solid amount of Alpha certainly.

A man requires a balance of traits to be a leader. A man to be able to take action and care about what is right has a balance.


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## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

OP, Im going through this, yes. I started about two weeks ago. I taking my time before I answer a question, and taking 10 seconds to think about what Im about to say next. Thinking about whether my decision is truly what I WANT, or if it's something I think she needs to hear out of her strong man. The sliding scale is difficult. I haven't crossed the line of her seeing me as a jerk, but it's such a fine line.

There were a few situations where she agreed with my decisions, and actually acted in a weird submissive way to it. Then there were times where she puffed her chest and responded with, "Don't tell me what to do".. That kind of response tends to put me back in doormat mode REAL quick. All I said to her was, "Come sit down, I wanna talk about something"..

It's how to respond to THAT, is where I get confused. theres about 10 different things I want to say, but I decide to just continue with what I had to say instead of arguing about her sitting down. My normal response would be, "Fine, forget it, Jesus, I can't even get you to take 5 minutes to have an honest talk?, FU, obviously what's on my mind isn't important to you."


My biggest issue is, "How should I handle this/Say this confidently, without being a diiick, but being true to what I want."... But at the same time, I want to make sure she is happy..?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

mothugsta said:


> OP, Im going through this, yes. I started about two weeks ago. I taking my time before I answer a question, and taking 10 seconds to think about what Im about to say next. Thinking about whether my decision is truly what I WANT, or if it's something I think she needs to hear out of her strong man. The sliding scale is difficult. I haven't crossed the line of her seeing me as a jerk, but it's such a fine line.
> 
> There were a few situations where she agreed with my decisions, and actually acted in a weird submissive way to it. Then there were times where she puffed her chest and responded with, "Don't tell me what to do".. That kind of response tends to put me back in doormat mode REAL quick. All I said to her was, "Come sit down, I wanna talk about something"..
> 
> ...


That's good that you're trying it. You will see your relationship improve. I'd say before when I was too nice, my wife took advantage of it. However, now that I'm more alpha I can tell she respects me more, and listens to what I say and the things I tell her to do. A shift in our relationship has occurred for the better.

In time, if you make the decisions when she asks you something, in every aspect of your lives, subconsciously she will just follow your lead within reason. 

With your example, I would have said something like there's something important that we need to talk about. If she still gives you attitude, then just say what you have to say.

It is difficult to know what to do sometimes in every situation. You don't ever want to appear like a doormat and she has to respect you.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Adex said:


> That's good that you're trying it. You will see your relationship improve. I'd say before when I was too nice, my wife took advantage of it. However, now that I'm more alpha I can tell she respects me more, and listens to what I say and the things I tell her to do. A shift in our relationship has occurred for the better.
> 
> In time, if you make the decisions when she asks you something, in every aspect of your lives, subconsciously she will just follow your lead within reason.
> 
> ...


Respect is EARNED, not given.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

To keep it simple, being alpha is living your life without seeking the approval of others. It's about being who you really are and not having to be fake to try to please other people. It's about taking pride in yourself and being the absolute best you can be. It's really that simple. With a dose of confidence thrown in, you will be irresistible to women.

Alpha is NOT:

1. Being a jerk or abusive toward women.
2. Having a "my way or the highway attitude.
3. Treating people poorly because you know you are in a superior position over them.
4. Sacrificing your belief system to fit in to a crowd.

The list goes on but I think you get the picture.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

lug mauler said:


> the way i see alphas is this,,,, they suk,
> they don't value a family setting, not like a beta does. i'm not saying they don't ever value the family setting, they just don't do it as well as a beta does.
> and why would you want to be an alpha,, they tend to be the more abusive of the species.


I agree that the term alpha is loaded with a lot of negative stereotypes, which is why I tend to use the term masculine instead.

I think though, that too many married men become so focused on being a great husband and father that they forget their wife didn't marry a husband and father, she married a man.

Married women play three roles: wife, mother, and woman. I think the whole yin and yang stuff applies here.


A great wife's counterpart is a great husband
A great mother's counterpart is a great father
A great woman's counterpart is a great man

I'm not saying go all macho and forget about being a husband and father. I'm saying you've got to be a balanced, complete person: husband, father, and man. How can your spouse be a balanced, complete person--a wife, mother, and woman--if her spouse isn't?


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## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

That's the hard part. I honestly find myself to be an excellent caretaker for her daughter. (I have no children). Im concerned for her safety, learning, fun, and being a part of a loving home. I look at her as if she were my own. I find myself to be a great provider, I buy, fix, or make whatever is needed in the household, the cars, or the bills. I refuse to let any of us go without. I'm a man's man when it comes to that aspect of myself, and everyone notices that about me, including her. I keep her safe, and she can rely on me, and she feels 100% comfortable with me being with her little one. I know that's a big deal for a single mother. Everyone knows that I'm "One of the good ones", because I honestly get tired of hearing people tell me that. 

It's the whole.... saying no, and being confident, and blah blah blah part of the "alpha" thing, (I'm growing tired of this term as well), that I'm working on. She's VERY independent, because she had to be prior to me, So when I came into her life, I believe a lot of my Codependent behavior made its appearance. 

I did everything for her. Took the load off. Proving to her that she can actually have a man in her like that is willing to HELP. That respected her. That she deserves better, and I'm the one to give it. Her last husband actually made her carry groceries from the car while she was 8 months pregnant.. You can kind of gather from that statement what a low-life he was. 

But trying trying trying to prove and show, and talk, and listen, and do, and Anticipate what she needed allll day, is what started the resentment in me. There was little or no reciprocation. Textbook situation it seems I became. I do have the masculine side in me, because I am the person I WANT to be while at my job, but I turn into this wussy with her. I'm afraid that by letting her down, saying no, or depriving her of a need in life, it will actually be detrimental to us. So I'm finding out that it's the opposite.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Just my two cents. I hope you do not really mean do what a pure Alpha would do. I hope you mean, do what a guy who had a good blend of Alpha / Beta traits would do. These are completely diffeterent things.
> 
> Doing what one perceives as pure Alpha behavior is pretty much programming oneself to be an utter @$$hole.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Exactly.

If I had to, I would far rather ask what a mature, well balanced, person who I admire would do.

And my decisions are my own, I'm not going to live somebody elses life.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> Respect is EARNED, not given.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Respect is earned when you put the wife in her place and she knows her role, to put it crudely.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Adex said:


> Respect is earned when you put the wife in her place and she knows her role, to put it crudely.


It must be gratifying to be the only adult in the house. I hope that you do not have a daughter. She will grow up with a warped view of men if she sees her mother being treated like a child and a servant.


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## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

lug mauler said:


> as much as i hate to say it,, adex i do believe you're right about that. theres a thread in ladies that just about says that very thing, just in more words.
> 
> this is my opinion and my opinion only. the way i see it is if you have to do something like that to get respect from her,,, whats that saying about the both of you? yes respect is earned but i just can't see it being earned like that and if thats what it takes to get respect then that person has issues. unless they state that they wish to be put into their place,,, then ok.



Im pulling some old emails from her over the last few months, and spotted these lines. I completely ignored them at the time... hmmmm

You look and act like a sad dog
You are mopey
You are pleading
You are more emotional than most women I know
I won't coddle you
Grow a spine
I need you to be confident
When i go somewhere, you look at me like its the last time
you'll see me
Be my rock
Stand up for yourself, and make a decision
I make all the decisions, they might not be the right ones, 
but I make them.
You himhaw, and over analyze everything.
Stop asking for sex. I can't be attracted to a man that I'm
having trouble respecting.
Yes I argue. Yes I'm a spitfire, but I'll get over it.* I NEED PUT
IN MY PLACE SOMETIMES.*
Im tired of your passive aggressiveness

Man... It was right in front of me...


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

mothugsta said:


> Im pulling some old emails from her over the last few months, and spotted these lines. I completely ignored them at the time... hmmmm
> 
> You look and act like a sad dog
> You are mopey
> ...


Wow, that pretty much agrees with what I've been saying. She's begging you to act more alpha to her. Most women will not be so direct though. They will just think it hoping their man will change, but nothing does unless the guy recognizes his weaknesses, his faults, and tries to improve himself.

You're also not going to get any help from this board. Most of the women here despise these views and will put them down. The thing is, they don't like it being told how it should be so directly to their face. Rather, if a man just practices all these views while not explicitly telling his spouse what he's doing, the wife will just see him as more attractive.


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