# Mother-in-law keeps insulting my race.



## mrfrank82 (May 23, 2018)

My wife’s mother keeps saying mean things about men and women from USA. Basically, she dislikes americans because of what she sees in the media about our racism issues and attitudes during distressing times. I try to convince her that every country has problems like that with locals and people in all shapes and sizes but she just won’t listen. She believes that all americans are gun-loving and racist freaks that do nothing but spread war and hatred. How can I convince her otherwise? I’d love to have a great relationship with her but I don’t see that happening.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

You may be able to solve this problem with sharpened communication skills.

For example, when she asks a question you think is in appropriate ask her, very sweetly "why do you ask?"

If you're uncomfortable with any remarks that she makes, ask her, sweetly again, "and your point is?"

She may just be trying to bait you, get a rise out of you. It doesn't make it right, but maybe when she doesn't a desired response out of you, she'll go elsewhere for her drama.

What does she say to you?


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## mrfrank82 (May 23, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> You may be able to solve this problem with sharpened communication skills.
> 
> For example, when she asks a question you think is in appropriate ask her, very sweetly "why do you ask?"
> 
> ...


Lol! This sounds funny but it is a great idea.. She is probably trying to prove her point by pissing me off.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

So she is from a country free of racism and weapons? She is probably married to a Merman and rides a unicorn to work at the rainbow factory too!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

mrfrank82 said:


> My wife’s mother keeps saying mean things about men and women from USA. Basically, she dislikes americans because of what she sees in the media about our racism issues and attitudes during distressing times. I try to convince her that every country has problems like that with locals and people in all shapes and sizes but she just won’t listen. She believes that all americans are gun-loving and racist freaks that do nothing but spread war and hatred. How can I convince her otherwise? I’d love to have a great relationship with her but I don’t see that happening.


Buy an AR-15 with a 100-round drum magazine and a bump stock.

Then tell her that you hate her — but not because she’s not American, or female, or (presumably) of a different race.

But because she’s an idiot.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mrfrank82 said:


> My wife’s mother keeps saying mean things about men and women from USA. Basically, she dislikes americans because of what she sees in the media about our racism issues and attitudes during distressing times. I try to convince her that every country has problems like that with locals and people in all shapes and sizes but she just won’t listen. She believes that all americans are gun-loving and racist freaks that do nothing but spread war and hatred. How can I convince her otherwise? I’d love to have a great relationship with her but I don’t see that happening.


Does your MIL live near you in the USA? What country is she from? I would be good to know these things as we might be able to help you come up with some things to counter her arguments with.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

All you can do is tell her "sorry, but your generalizations just aren't true, most Americans are hard working decent people just like myself". Explain to her how the world has come to thrive on misery as entertainment and that's why the news medias mostly reports horror stories showing the worst humanity has to offer. I don't think arguing the point will change her mind, I think you need to set an example of the "good American" by being a good man. 

Our very freedoms in America allow the world to see us unfiltered yet edited for sensationalism, and sadly since death and discord create great thirty second news clips that's how the world sees us.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Does your MIL live near you in the USA? What country is she from? I would be good to know these things as we might be able to help you come up with some things to counter her arguments with.



I agree with this ^^^^^^


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

First things first, American is not a race. 

Second, quit wasting your time. Let her think what she wants. Trying to "convince her otherwise" will only serve to create additional conflict. Be yourself and allow her to judge you as an individual. She either will or she won't. You can't force her to.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I've found that explaining the US voting system (specifically the electoral college) is enough to confuse anyone for them to realize that it is not a one-size-fits-all reflection of the nation's population. Yes you can vote, you can even win majority in your area, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your state or nation will reflect that vote. 

I think there is also a remaining misunderstanding about the vast size of the nation. I've met many people from overseas who genuinely believe that you can drive from coast to coast in maybe a day or two. The fact that it can take close to that long (upwards to a week to drive down the Alaskan highway) to just cross some of our largest states is almost unfathomable to them. 

I think a lot of people just simply don't realize how large, divided, and unique each corner of the nation really is so it's easy for them to dismiss and stereotype across the board, especially when the media usually portrays only a few types of citizens regularly.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Outside of sports, history (US and World) are my favorite past times. Granted, we don't have much room to talk when it comes to racism in our brief history as a nation but damn .... we sure as Hell don't have the patent on it and while all atrocities are bad, if we measured the depth of atrocities, we can't hold a candle to many other countries and civilizations in the world, even today. I suppose, it's since we are supposed to be more 'civilized' and we have the spotlight on us that it's shows up more but let's not start throwing stones.

As someone already said, if we find out where she is from, I will be glad to provide you with examples as a counter


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

More self educated folks from the media, my favorite people lol.

Look you could argue back, America hardly holds the top awards in hatred or racism. But my experience is that you are dealing with someone’s warped opinion and those can’t be changed. Since media loves sensational stories that’s the perception they want others to believe. Personally it’s your wife’s mother and she should be leading the fight on this, not you. I wouldn’t hang out with someone insulting like that, even if they did have a family title.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Just be a great husband to her daughter.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I have a feeling that the only way of getting through to her is showing her who you are over time. Unfortunately, some people are just headstrong, and believe what they want to believe without having actual proof. I also find that replies that don't leave anything open for discussion tend to work okay, and it gives you your power back. Things like, "oh yeah", "I'm sorry you feel that way", "I'm sorry that you're upset". It acknowledges the feelings of the other person without you agreeing with them, and it really doesn't leave any room for further discussion.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Hey, I thought America was the all known "melting pot"? Soooo....

My FIL was kind of the same way with me. Until he realized that my own family as well as myself were more caring, and more dependable than his other daughters in-laws.... Now he and I get along just swell. 

As for my own sanity back then....I just kept reminding myself that "But I'm the one sleeping with your daughter." lol


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

mrfrank82 said:


> My wife’s mother keeps saying mean things about men and women from USA. Basically, she dislikes americans because of what she sees in the media about our racism issues and attitudes during distressing times. I try to convince her that every country has problems like that with locals and people in all shapes and sizes but she just won’t listen. She believes that all americans are gun-loving and racist freaks that do nothing but spread war and hatred. How can I convince her otherwise? I’d love to have a great relationship with her but I don’t see that happening.


Stop trying to convince her. Anyone who insists on generalizing on complicated and divisive topics with the consistent use of the word 'all' are a waste of time to argue with. They like to hear themselves talk and as they are closed minded and ignorant as they parrot the same nonsense they bring nothing new to the table to enlighten the conversation. 

They are boring, dull and if they do it over and over on the same topic rude. 

So talk about something else and deflect when she starts to bait you as I suspect this is really about her not completely accepting you more than anything else. 

So change the subject and laugh.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Let it go. Like it's already been said, just show her a new type of American. Change her view. Don't take it personally.... because frankly, as a fellow American, as a whole we are pretty damn obnoxious compared to many places. 

In my late 20's I moved overseas to meet and live near my maternal family for the first time, my mom immigrated to the US in her 20's. For the first 6 months I was overseas, my grandmother referred to me as 'The American' lol. She warmed up to me eventually. I lived in a village that banned foreigners, had to win them over too, which I did by volunteering and being a positive, active member of the community. Sometimes it takes action to change peoples' perceptions.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Why do you feel the need to defend your country to this woman?

She's not criticizing you directly, so why not just say "yeah my country is full of Aholes but I prefer not to spend my time talking about things I can't control. Now what's for dinner?"

As long as she's good with you, that's all that matters. And if she's not good with you, then as long as her daughter is good with you, that should be all that matters. If it isn't, then you need to deal with her daughter and make sure you are a higher priority than mom. Otherwise it's going to be misery unless mom is old, weak, or otherwise suffering from a condition that will significantly shorten her lifespan.


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