# How can I avoid sounding like I'm nagging!!



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Hubby complains that I "nag" too much. I try not to, sometimes I'm just making a polite request or just speaking, and he gets fed up and says I keep "nagging!"

Sometimes, you know, I just think he's sick of the sound of my voice!!!:scratchhead:

Sometimes I really can't stand being married!!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tell him its not nagging to express your emotional needs and wants... and if it is then point out that you could consider him nagging everytime he asks for sex. Let him know your tired of sounding like a broken record and would like him to actually listen to what you have to say. What exactly are you requesting from him that he considers nagging?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Hi DameEdna
Sorry to hear this. I think it might be worth considering men's opinions too if you think it would help.  I can delete this if it is against the rules.

Personally I would establish a communication time e.g. Saturday after lunch, where you can both sit down and talk without distraction and full attention, then talk about what concerns you and provide solutions yourself for him during that time (don't leave it to him to find solutions to your problems if you already know the solution). Then do *not* raise a single concern or voice your dissatisfaction for anything out of that communication time, after a while it will become clear that you don't nag but you do clearly communicate your needs. He may even see that it is him who fails to consider what you said. 

It is his expectation that today will bring another complaint/nag which is at issue not that you shouldn't voice your concerns, in my opinion.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Its not against the rules henri lol. Men and women hop back and forth between the ladies lounge and mens clubhouse all the time so your good. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i always had to phrase my requests in the form of needs.
They seem to receive requests and issues better when they feel needed instead of ordered or directed.

Then of course some men are too sensitive to being asked to do things.They take it as a personal affront as though you're trying to make them feel like they never contribute...which,if they're feeling that way just bc you ask them to do something,chances are they know deep down they aren't doing enough so they get snappy and short from feeling guilty.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I use..."Honey, it would be great if you could help me slice up these veggies for the soup...", or "I would just love it if you could help me *****... "


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

What are you 'nagging' him about? I like Henri's idea. Most every resolution to a problem starts with talking about it.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Obvious I think, but tone of voice is so important. I think most people don't actually realize what they sound like sometimes. I know I'm as guilty as the next. My mom's voice was always up an octave or two. Thankfully, my W doesn't typically change her pitch.

Nagging to me also assumes I've been told or asked something on more than one occasion, so there may be alternatives. The classic example is taking out the trash. A simple tactic would be to move the trash can into middle of the room where you have to go around it. Makes it obvious.

It also reminds me of a "lesson" my Dad taught my oldest sister. She smoked and always borrowed his car. He told it was ok, but she had to clean out the ashtrays. She constantly "forgot". So over time he saved up the ashes and one night she came home and climbed in bed, but under the covers was all the ashes. She never forgot again.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

What exactly does he say you are nagging about?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

DameEdna said:


> Hubby complains that I "nag" too much. I try not to, sometimes I'm just making a polite request or just speaking, and he gets fed up and says I keep "nagging!"
> 
> Sometimes, you know, I just think he's sick of the sound of my voice!!!:scratchhead:
> 
> Sometimes I really can't stand being married!!


too, too funny. I can relate. (well, its only funny when you are not in one of those moments, right?)

Long time ago I took a couple weeks off from work to work in the yard... building a retaining wall. By myself. I had about 100 6x6x8 foot pressure treated landscaping timbers - a shovel and a pick and big ideas.

Let me tell you - was a much bigger job than I ever anticipated. Stay with me here.

After about a week of back breaking work.. after all - Im only about 175 pounds and driving a 10 inch spikes and rebar through pressure treated timbers with a sledgehammer aint easy after 8 hours or so.. the wife comes home. That day, at the end of the first week, I had got a set of (gorgeous, I must say) stairs done and and 3-4 courses of timbers done that run nearly the entire length of the house and making some very nice, built up areas for planting and the like. Im a tech geek, so this is a pretty big deal for me... in our new house, getting big, earth moving things done.

She comes home. Smiles big. Looks around. Walks back.

She walks over to the far end looks around there. You know what she says?

_"This part doesnt look Level"_

:rofl:

Let me tell you - I just about lost it.

==========

I know... honest I know that is just the way some women are. They think out loud and its not always about 'what' is being said - its more about the 'back and forth' to them. The interaction, the discussion and the process. You know the phrase - I have heard it a zillion times..._*I'm not complaining, Im just commenting.*_ If done incorrectly though - it can make me want to gouge my eyes out and kill her.

I think the only thing you can do... maybe--- when this sort of thing is about to come out - is start your 'commenting' with something positive. If the first words out of your mouth are negative - its not going to go over well.

I still laugh at this.

** edit ** the opposite problem can occur too though. If my wife says something transparently silly like: "can you do this, _you do a much better job than I do_.."which is patently false and we both know it, she just doenst want to do it. 

I think men prefer direct, and honest to manipulation any day of the week.

Direct says "Do this"

Direct and honest says "Can you you this. I hate doing this."


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

And sometimes... because a man just doesn't like the subject that you are talking about / or doesn't want to own up to doing something wrong.. They purposely just cry "nagging" to stop you from talking about it.

(No matter how nicely or tactfully the subject is brought up)


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What I tell wifey...

Nag = Do not listen, act longwinded, go on and on about the same sh-t, annoying tone of voice, repetitive

Talk = Listen to response, explains point of view, fair tone of voice, treat other with some respect


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

in my situation. I have a wife that nags all the time about everything. Not just with me, but kids, family, etc.. I am the type to keep things to myself unless it is major. Some women nag a lot. I wouldn't use nag as a term for my wife though. I would use a 5 letter word. lol


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

how about just being quiet. 

are one of thoese people who hates awkard silence and have to fill in the space with something. sometimes it feels like thats nagging. try to be alittle more quiet you might be suprised that he might just start talking more. that would be a win win situation.


or maybe not just throwing it out there.because sometimes Its hard to get a word in wedge wise with my wife and its frustrating to say the least.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If you tell him to do something more than twice, you're nagging.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> If you tell him to do something more than _*once*_, you're nagging.


ftfy.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> ftfy.


Thanks. That actually was what I was thinking, but I toned it down to not sound too bad. I figured, once is asking....twice is reminding....anything after that is nagging. But ya, reminding feels a lot like nagging.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I use..."Honey, it would be great if you could help me slice up these veggies for the soup...", or "I would just love it if you could help me *****... "


CandieGirl is right....simply say "Honey, it would really make me happy if you would ________________. Just use this line for the important, meaningful stuff. All men want to make their wives happy. This is simple and direct...just like men are!


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