# Confused by lies and cheating...



## neveragin (Nov 13, 2012)

My previous post was about my wife not coming home til 4 in the morning with an answer for everything
My wife hacked my account which I originally planned, so she could at least see what others thought , my planned back fired and she automatically had to defend herself.. anyway now I have another account ..(private) and I would like to say ..Just Fu&&* it , I have never been the kind of person who has to chase after a woman to get her to like me , so Y should I start now? I thought the whole plan of being married was to at least rule out being lonely?
well as it stands, we have not had sex since a month before my first posting I am assuming about three mos.. I have lost the desire too anyway. just making a point... by the way she still is a smart ass,nothing good to say, full of *****, and hate average person. I know this is not what a happy marriage is about. so I'm guessing its over without saying..., But I really am at the point where I dont give a fu(*(* 
so if you read my other post http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/58700-wife-stays-out-til-4-a.html
this post will make more since.
P.s to all of you people out there struggling with your marriage
my advice is : don't go through anything that is not benefiting you or your marriage if it's not a mutual thing. I have been through hell just because I didn't want to pay attention to what my gut was telling me. You do have a brain and a sense that something is wrong.. "FU**IN PAY ATTENTION" OR YOU'' BE ON A SITE FULL OF STRANGERS TELLING YOU THE SAME THING YOU ALREADY KNOW!!, ONE THINGS TRUE, THAT IF NO ONE TELLS YOU THAT YOUR STUPID, YOU WONT TELL YOURSELF...so kudos to this site and for the support of others,.

my equation is this
married = communication+ respect(marriage is a job)
communication = two people working together for a common goal
respect = treat others how you would like to be treated
if you add this up and it doesn't equal marriage
somethings wrong! don't leave the store when the total doesn't add up...(this is what I did)


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

"And you have another account (private)" .......Yes.. this tells me that you are very into having open communication with your wife! NOT.

Okay, I understand that:
You are just venting.
Your wife is probably cheating (or you found that she did cheat). 
You are mad about it.

But... IF you are trying to save your marriage & have more communication with her... I DON'T think having private accounts is the way to go. Or did you start a new private account, just so that you would have a place to vent?

If so... I can understand that. It is better to vent it out (even typing anonymously on a marriage forum) better to have that vent, then to bottle it up all inside & have rage against her.

I take it you are going to split? Or are you still trying to decide if it is going to be worth asking her to do some counseling?

I couldn't tell if you are at the point of accepting the end of a relationship, or if you are still at the angry stage of losing trust in your mate.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

"don't leave the store when the total doesn't add up...(this is what I did)"
I get that there is an analogy thing going on but, I did not purchase my marriage and I sure a heck can not return the last ten years of my life.
It is clear that you are upset, hurt, and rather vocal but, to make it seem the fault of others (or you) that they are "stupid" for something happening that hurts them when they have no control over it (their spouse cheating) . There is nothing stupid in being betrayed. Stupid is a choice and being betrayed is some one else's choice. Big difference. 

I hope your vent helped you calm down a bit.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Hey, neveragain, I'm with you 100%. I think ChelleD & Kurosity are misunderstanding your post.

I get that you're venting. I get that you don't WANT to save your marriage. I get that you don't feel like you should have to push a fully-loaded train UPHILL by yourself to get where you think your marriage should be. It SHOULDN'T be *THAT HARD* to have a happy marriage. If it IS, then you're in the WRONG MARRIAGE!

And Kurosity missed that you were STUPID for NOT LISTENING TO YOUR GUT. You never implied anyone was STUPID because their spouse may/may not have cheated. They're only STUPID if they suspect/know things are wrong and DON'T CONFRONT or don't DEMAND appropriate change immediately.

I think your point was that you realize NOW that your marriage NEVER had the proper communication and respect. Now you're unwilling to deal with Bu11sh1t from your wife anymore and you're done. You're wishing you'd made better/different choices THE FIRST TIME you REALIZED that you and wifey-poo were not on the same page.

Yeah, man, TOTALLY understand that last sentence in regard to me and STBXH. Would have saved myself and our child a LOT OF GRIEF. Would have chosen a DIFFERENT (read that 'better') father for my child. But, AT LEAST YOU'RE LEARNING; at least you're not like a LOT OF PEOPLE who keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome.

Move on, learn and grow (as you're not perfect, either). Then you will be a much healthier person/partner for your next relationship!

Good luck!


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## TheEruditeOne (Nov 12, 2012)

Hey, Neveragn! You seem to be a problem solver and syllogistic thinker; and, I'm sure that you became involved in this relationship with that goal in mind. Your skill sets are great for your career; but, they didn't work so well in your marriage, as you married someone that you knew you weren't compatible with. Selfishly, you thought you could make it work in your own effort. I get it. You've learned the hard way; but, stop with the temper tantrum. You earned the defeat; yet, this is not the end for you. It's a new season. Process what you've learned, improve and move on to your happily ever after. Good luck!

TEO


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