# For what it's worth...



## MissingHer (Mar 14, 2010)

I've been on this site for a while and I've read many of the stories posted by people going through a separation or divorce. I'm currently separated (about 3 months). My wife gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" about a year before she moved out. During that year, I did all I thought I could. I worked on my self as a father and person. I suggested counseling either for us together or for her as an individual. When she disagreed, I just started going by myself. I lost weight because I was stressed out. I hurt more than I ever have before and I just wanted my life to get back on track.
Background: I did find out my wife was talking to a married co-worker behind my back. Numerous phone calls usually placed when I wasn't around (even when we were on vacation together). I confronted her. The phone calls stopped but she still works with the guy. Went through all the wondering. Tried everything I could to figure out why this happened.
Since she never really gave me a solid reason, I just came up with my own in that I would close up emotionally when I was upset. I probably also didn't help as much with the kids as I should have. Those were both easy fixes. I feel I'm the best dad I can be these days.
After she moved out, I still contacted her quite a bit. I asked her what she wanted. I tried to set up dates. Nothing was working.
It has taken a while and maybe it's because I didn't want to let myself get to this stage, but these days I wake up feeling happy and content. I have two great kids, a good job and a lot of great friends that have been extremely supportive in this. I finally told myself that I can't go through life waiting for her. It was her decision to leave and it would be up to her to come back. If she told me she wanted to work on things, honestly I would have to force myself to work on things now whereas just last month, I would have been overjoyed at the thought of her moving back home.
I had the chance to talk to a female that is divorced recently. She basically asked me if I was ready to start dating. I told her not really. But we talked most of the night. She showed an interest in me and it did make me feel good to know that someday I'll be with someone that wants to be with me. It may be my wife but I'm not counting on it. Nothing progressed out of the talk with the female but at least I've made a new friend, someone that has gone through a divorce. 
So I just wanted to tell everyone on here that is going through "the worst time of your life," things get better if you let them. Focus on you (this is stated all over this site). Do things that you never had the chance to do before. Go on trips. Do whatever you want. If things work out between you and your spouse, great. You can look back at this period as a time to have fun. If not, at least you are putting yourself in a better place and preparing yourself for life without the person you thought was "the one." 
As a guy approaching age 34, I feel like I have a lot of life to live yet and I'm not going to live it feeling down because of one person's decision. We will always be connected because of the kids, but if she doesn't love me, I can't force her to. Someone out there will love me for who I am: a happy person, a good father and someone who believes in commitment (through thick and thin). I don't want to spend my 30's wondering if she will come back only to realize someday that I'm 40 (not that I'm saying 40 is old!) and still in the same spot. I would much rather focus on making myself happy.

Good luck to you all.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

I'm with you! Almost 8 weeks now, 5 more days and it is. I wanted so badly to get back together, but knew if she waited too long that I would lose the desire. Didn't think it would be this soon, and after seeing her last weekend and doing some things for her and not even getting a thank you, it just made it clear to me. I have come to realize all the things that were wrong in our marriage, on my part and hers, and have changed myself. I believe that she just blames me and has not looked at her part of the whole mess, at least from what I gather from my kids and others. It's ok though, I am not worried about it, I am actually happy. Talked to some friends of mine that hadn't seen me for a few weeks and they said they hadn't seen me as happy in a long time. That's how I feel too. 

I always said that I would never give up on us, but have come to realize there is no us anymore, she gave up a long time ago. I think that is what most of the folks on here eventually realize too, that the other person gave up a long time ago.

I am closer everyday to my new life, and looking forward with excitement to it.


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## ganny76 (Jun 11, 2010)

You two give me hope. Thank you.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You are making the right decision. As a 41 year old male, you don't want to waste your 30's to a wife who sounds as "checked out" as my wife was.

I regret not making your decision earlier and yes, I have to tip it to the fact I am happier now. But I miss her as you do too.


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