# my hubby never wants to have sex!!



## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

We have been together for three years now and we recently had a baby. Before we even tried to get pregnant I would always try to have sex and he would say no. He was to full, he was watching tv, he has to take a shower anything he would say. I dont know what to do! He says he loves and I know he does, he is always around me with me everywhere I go. He is the best he massages my feet, he takes me out on dates, brushes my hair when I ask him to. The sex never comes. I have tried everything. From lingeries to little role plays. I have put myself out there. I have been rejected so many times. I want to give up and just be happy for what I have but sometimes I just want to feel wanted. I dont try to have sex with him anymore, but omg Im always thinking about it. The thing is he is always touching my butt or grabbing it and that turns me on,but I dont tell him to stop cause thats all I get. I just love him so much and he is so sexy to me, I cant help it think about sex when he touches me or when we lay in bed. Please some help, I want to stop wanting to have sex with my husband. I have tried talking to him about it but he gets so mad a couple of times we almost got a divorce but I rather have him and change the way I feel than to lose him. What should I do keep trying???


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## Jeapordy (Aug 12, 2012)

If he really does love you then he should be willing to make you happy. Tell him you aren't happy and you want to try a marriage counselor. 
Maybe he has low testosterone. Can you get him to see a doctor? It is a simple blood test.
If he gets mad about talking about sex, then there is something seriously wrong, and you shouldn't go the rest of your life in a sexless marriage. If he admits there is a problem, then you have a chance at working things out (MC or getting tested), but if he doesn't think that a sexless marriage is a problem after only 3 years of marriage, then you need to start thinking about a divorce.


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## Super celeb (Oct 26, 2012)

Hi I am going through the same problem.... Very similar to yours..... The only mistake I made by having kids from him..... Can't get out of my marriage but ruined my life.... My husband does not have any desire to have sex with me.... He does not even touch me or cuddle with me..... Forget about having sex once every two months, in my case it's only once every three years, only the time when we wanted to have kids...... You should move out of this marriage..... I know the exact feeling of yours how you want to be felt wanted by him..... In my case for the first 3 years of our marriage I used to take the initiative oh having sex..... After 10 years that doesn't work either.....I just you to love out or take him for counseling to talk about his low sex drive......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Honest opinion (Dec 14, 2012)

I feel with you, just why WHY those type of men ever get married ,....... You have every right to ask him to be checked by a doctor ,your a women with needs ,he didn't get married to have a maid or trophy in the house ,whatever you feel is never going away and eventually all the squeeze huges and massages go away and you end up staying for your child ..if his problem is not medical related issue ,and I bet he is not gay,I am sorry to say but there is no hope,leave


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Somethins definitely wrong if he doesnt want to have sex..does he masturbate? watch porn?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

If he doesn't see any real consequences, he will never change.

Ask him how he will feel if you move on and get into a relationship where your needs are met? how he will feel when another man is satisfying you?

You deserve to be loved and desired. You deserve a full relationship.

Please go to counselling. Tell him you need counselling, to have his testosterone levels checked, and to start fixing this now, before you fall out of love from the hurt and rejection.

Oh and please don't have children with him.


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

Be stronger when you initiate. Jump him, sove your hand down the front of his pants and whip it out if you need to.  Walk into the room, naked, get on top of him and look him right in the eye and say......**** me right now. 

If you still get rejected after that, then something is seriously wrong.


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

I can't wrap my brain around this. Literally just 10 minutes ago my wife and I argued b/c she pulled away from me while I was trying to put my hands on her lower back - she was looking in the mirror getting ready. 
Your hubby's behavior. Hmmmm. Is there a chance he is gay? I knew a couple in college who were dating and as soon as I met the guy I knew he was gay. I mentioned this to my GF and she said, "NO HE ISN'T". Well, they married and had a child and then he was caught with a guy 10 yrs later. It is possible for a woman to be married to a guy and not know he's gay. Something is wrong - I don't know a single dude that doesn't want to have sex with his wife.
- Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is. I know how frustrated you must be. If I go 2 days I'm grumpy as bear. 
Start asking your friends if they think he is gay - they may know and just aren't saying anything.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Have him see a doctor, check his T levels, rule out any health issues first. If its an ED problem then help him through it. He may just be too embarrassed to tell you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

Jeapordy, He says I have the problem and that I should go see someone. I asked him, so wanting to have sex with my husband is a problem and he didnt answer. I am going to see someone hopefully they help me to understand. Im pretty much just hurt.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

Super Celeb, We already have a baby. It was to late, i didnt know he only wanted to do it have kids. So one day he told me thats pretty much why we were forced to do it. The bad thing I was already pregnant I didnt know it but I asked him so are we going to stop having sex after we get pregnant and he said yes.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It sounds as if he is a bit insecure. By the way, you do not have a problem and it is not wrong of you to desire your husband. You should let him know that as a married couple, this issue is a problem for both of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> Super Celeb, We already have a baby. It was to late, i didnt know he only wanted to do it have kids. So one day he told me thats pretty much why we were forced to do it. The bad thing I was already pregnant I didnt know it but I asked him so are we going to stop having sex after we get pregnant and he said yes.


Ouch.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> Super Celeb, We already have a baby. It was to late, i didnt know he only wanted to do it have kids. So one day he told me thats pretty much why we were forced to do it. The bad thing I was already pregnant I didnt know it but I asked him so are we going to stop having sex after we get pregnant and he said yes.


So... you didn't have sex before marriage? There was never a "Honeymoon" having sex all the time stage for you two?:scratchhead:


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

I feel so ugly most of the time, Im ashamed of my body. I dont want him to see me anymore. I have been rejected enough times I dont even try to have sex. I still think about it every night we go to bed and I lay there wishing he would touch me. Through out the day he will grab my butt and I get turned on so I want him to stop doing that to me I just dont know how to tell him. I know he will get mad and he will never touch me again even if its just playing around. he says i have a problem for wanting to have sex with him. I tell I atleast I dont want to go with anybody else. I find him so attractive and I love him so much. He is great with everything else, but I want to feel wanted and desired by him so I can be complete. He says I ask for to much. Maybe I do because I want to have sex everyday but I think if I would get it, I wouldnt want it every day. Im so frustrated.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

jarhed said:


> So... you didn't have sex before marriage? There was never a "Honeymoon" having sex all the time stage for you two?:scratchhead:


Well when we first met we would do it all the time. It just stopped and I thought it was because of all the supplements he was taking but it wasnt.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

marriedguy said:


> Somethins definitely wrong if he doesnt want to have sex..does he masturbate? watch porn?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope he doesnt do any of that, I ask him when was the last time he masturbated and he said a long time ago cause he is lazy.


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> Well when we first met we would do it all the time. It just stopped and I thought it was because of all the supplements he was taking but it wasnt.


Then IMHO something else is wrong. Either physical issue (ED) or he either is cheating or gay. Put your radar up: read his phone messages. Some say that is an invasion of privacy. Or just check the phone/txt records.

This just isn't natural....

Supplements??


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

jarhed said:


> I can't wrap my brain around this. Literally just 10 minutes ago my wife and I argued b/c she pulled away from me while I was trying to put my hands on her lower back - she was looking in the mirror getting ready.
> Your hubby's behavior. Hmmmm. Is there a chance he is gay? I knew a couple in college who were dating and as soon as I met the guy I knew he was gay. I mentioned this to my GF and she said, "NO HE ISN'T". Well, they married and had a child and then he was caught with a guy 10 yrs later. It is possible for a woman to be married to a guy and not know he's gay. Something is wrong - I don't know a single dude that doesn't want to have sex with his wife.
> - Your hubby doesn't know how lucky he is. I know how frustrated you must be. If I go 2 days I'm grumpy as bear.
> Start asking your friends if they think he is gay - they may know and just aren't saying anything.


I asked him one day if he was gay. I had to because I kept on throwing myself at him and offering other kinds of jobs if you know what I mean but he kept on rejecting me so i got tired and asked him. He said no and that he couldnt believe I even asked him that. You are right I actually told him all men want to have sex with their wifes once in a while.


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

I say take these steps:
1- ask him gently if there is a physical problem and say there is help for it... be loving and encouraging.
2- if that doesn't work suggest counseling.
3- start snooping
along the way, focus on your own well being - get active, workout, get some positive hobbies and try and be happy. 

if none of the above work you have to entertain divorce.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

jarhed said:


> Then IMHO something else is wrong. Either physical issue (ED) or he either is cheating or gay. Put your radar up: read his phone messages. Some say that is an invasion of privacy. Or just check the phone/txt records.
> 
> This just isn't natural....
> 
> Supplements??


Well the phone I dont check it, he never cares about his phone he always leaves it behind and I have his password to get in cause he gives it to me everytime he changes it. Supplements to get buff


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Gay. Maybe cheating, but my money is on him being in the closet.


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

I am sorry to be blunt but if a man does not want to have sex with a woman he is simply not attracted to her.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

wifey87 said:


> We have been together for three years now and we recently had a baby. Before we even tried to get pregnant I would always try to have sex and he would say no. He was to full, he was watching tv, he has to take a shower anything he would say. I dont know what to do! He says he loves and I know he does, he is always around me with me everywhere I go. He is the best he massages my feet, he takes me out on dates, brushes my hair when I ask him to. The sex never comes. I have tried everything. From lingeries to little role plays. I have put myself out there. I have been rejected so many times. I want to give up and just be happy for what I have but sometimes I just want to feel wanted. I dont try to have sex with him anymore, but omg Im always thinking about it. The thing is he is always touching my butt or grabbing it and that turns me on,but I dont tell him to stop cause thats all I get. I just love him so much and he is so sexy to me, I cant help it think about sex when he touches me or when we lay in bed. Please some help, I want to stop wanting to have sex with my husband. I have tried talking to him about it but he gets so mad a couple of times we almost got a divorce but I rather have him and change the way I feel than to lose him. What should I do keep trying???


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/57375-how-seduce-your-ld-husband.html

It's an old thread but have a read 
Maybe you'll find something there for you

The theme of the thread - is being available without being in his face in other words. If you do everything on that thread, but he doesn't recipocate - then there's a chance that there are bigger issues involved in the marriage then what's on the sexual department.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

BrookeT said:


> Be stronger when you initiate. Jump him, sove your hand down the front of his pants and whip it out if you need to.  Walk into the room, naked, get on top of him and look him right in the eye and say......**** me right now.
> 
> If you still get rejected after that, then something is seriously wrong.


Just going to say that wouldn't work on me in 100000000000000 years!!!! Not only would it be so out of character I would wonder WTF is going on I can't STAND spontaneous sex.

I'm a guy and sex for me is mental first not visual I'm talking about my wife who I do find attractive. I could care less about lingerie, dressing sexy, it's the mood that does it for me.

Showers, teeth brushed, candles, dim room, flirting throughout the day, kids asleep, IN A BED is much more effective.

To the OP how old are you guys? How often do you have sex now? I can relate a little I love my wife dearly we talk, txt, flirt all the time, but I have been wanting sex much less than ever in our marriage.

Once a week is fine with me these days!! For me its mostly mental getting older, being a realist, and since we were so exporative for so many years, it all seems redundant these days.

I do love here tons, dates talks, dinners, I try to make her dreams come true, but sex 4-5 times a week nope!! 

Once a week is good here


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Just going to say that wouldn't work on me in 100000000000000 years!!!! Not only would it be so out of character I would wonder WTF is going on I can't STAND spontaneous sex.
> 
> I'm a guy and sex for me is mental first not visual I'm talking about my wife who I do find attractive. I could care less about lingerie, dressing sexy, it's the mood that does it for me.
> 
> ...


If my W jumped on me like that, it'd be AWESOME! if she reached down my pants, I'd be ready then and there. 

Is your spouse asking for sex 4-5 times per week? What does having sex less have to do with being a realist?


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

JoeHenderson said:


> If my W jumped on me like that, it'd be AWESOME! if she reached down my pants, I'd be ready then and there.
> 
> Is your spouse asking for sex 4-5 times per week? What does having sex less have to do with being a realist?


my husband never ask for sex, on the other hand I was always begging, i have tried everything form being a maid, being naked, touching him and he always something to reject me. yes he cuddles with me he holds my hand he hugs me kisses me and tells me that he loves me but he never wants to touch me nor make me feel wanted by him.


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> my husband never ask for sex, on the other hand I was always begging, i have tried everything form being a maid, being naked, touching him and he always something to reject me. yes he cuddles with me he holds my hand he hugs me kisses me and tells me that he loves me but he never wants to touch me nor make me feel wanted by him.


W O W... I get accused by my wife of groping her and never sitting and just holding her hand and watching TV, etc. I arranged weekend getaways to B & B's.. dinner, wine, all for naught.

And you are doing all of this for your hubby. I think you and I just married "Lemons".


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

BrookeT said:


> Be stronger when you initiate. Jump him, sove your hand down the front of his pants and whip it out if you need to.  Walk into the room, naked, get on top of him and look him right in the eye and say......**** me right now.
> 
> If you still get rejected after that, then something is seriously wrong.


You're my kind of girl.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Check out what kind of supplements he is using. Some of them can hurt his libido. Also check his prescriptions. Somtimes it's the interaction of two or three things which can have that effect.

Bear this in mind. He is ashamed of this or he is if he's not a self centered little troll. He knows his role and his 'duties' in a marriage. He knows he isn't performing them adequately. And yet he has it thrown in his face by you chasing him.

I may be a bit of a LD person. I checked my testosterone levels (okay). I had a frank talk with my wife. I want sex with her about every three days. A 'recovery' day as it were.

It might also be the pregnancy thing has turned him off. He might very well not want to be a father again. He might not be that enthused about being a father NOW (I don't know him. I'm throwing these things out there). He knows as well as we do what causes pregnancy...and he probably hates condoms too.

So...have you tried BC? Have you had a frank talk about him and fatherhood and how many children he wants? If you are the Little Earth Mother, ready to pop out a lot of children and he...finds it less compelling, he might be doing this passive aggressive to avoid a very painful conversation.

Just thinking like a guy.


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## sexualhealth (Dec 18, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> I feel so ugly most of the time, Im ashamed of my body. I dont want him to see me anymore. I have been rejected enough times I dont even try to have sex. I still think about it every night we go to bed and I lay there wishing he would touch me. Through out the day he will grab my butt and I get turned on so I want him to stop doing that to me I just dont know how to tell him. I know he will get mad and he will never touch me again even if its just playing around. he says i have a problem for wanting to have sex with him. I tell I atleast I dont want to go with anybody else. I find him so attractive and I love him so much. He is great with everything else, but I want to feel wanted and desired by him so I can be complete. He says I ask for to much. Maybe I do because I want to have sex everyday but I think if I would get it, I wouldnt want it every day. Im so frustrated.


Oh my goodness this man is treating you so disrespectfully. You have needs and desires. My partner also does not want sex with me very often and it also makes me very low and depressed. I totally understand you. I am now feeling like leaving as we are not married but I still have a massive life change to undertake if I leave him. As for you then I suggest you say to him that you feel like he is teasing you with the bottom squeezing and that you want to be taken like a woman and he should make love like a real man. You deserve so much more, the longer this goes on the more and more you will feel like garbage, I know this feeling and it makes you feel ugly when the truth is lots of men would like to make love to you if they had the chance. We have just drawn the short straw in life. The trouble is these men do not see that they have a problem, they are selfish. You will probably end up divorcing him becasue no matter how much you are attracted to him , he WILL NOT CHANGE. Believe me it get no better, period. This is as good as it gets. Do not instgate sex with him, do not beg, go to bed without him, put a pillow in the middle, buy yourself a vibrator, Anything but do not desire him any longer because he he treating you like a friend or companion not a lover.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wifey87 said:


> Super Celeb, We already have a baby. It was to late, i didnt know he only wanted to do it have kids. So one day he told me thats pretty much why we were forced to do it. The bad thing I was already pregnant I didnt know it but I asked him so are we going to stop having sex after we get pregnant and he said yes.


Anything less than sex 10 times a year is considered a sexless marriage. 

Does he use porn and/or masterbate? If you don't know start watching him closely to see if he does.


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## sexualhealth (Dec 18, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> Super Celeb, We already have a baby. It was to late, i didnt know he only wanted to do it have kids. So one day he told me thats pretty much why we were forced to do it. The bad thing I was already pregnant I didnt know it but I asked him so are we going to stop having sex after we get pregnant and he said yes.



This is disgusting. Not a man, he should be castrated.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

sexualhealth said:


> This is disgusting. Not a man, he should be castrated.


Tell me. If it was a woman denying her man sex, would you suggest that if she wasn't offering it to her loving husband, she might as well have it sewn up?

This is not helpful or insightful.

Plus I love your prior suggestion where, if there is any breaking of the ice in their relationship, SHE should now put the deep freeze on him...just to show him, that wretch!

Counseling? Therapy? Emotional trauma? Dealing with real life issues?

Nope. Cut it off...metaphorically or in reality.


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## sexualhealth (Dec 18, 2012)

JCD said:


> Tell me. If it was a woman denying her man sex, would you suggest that if she wasn't offering it to her loving husband, she might as well have it sewn up?
> 
> This is not helpful or insightful.
> 
> ...


Well are you in a situation where a man makes you feel inadequate? Maybe, id so you know how it feels, if not then you have no idea. A woman should not have to resorting to begging or be grateful that he is willing to pleasure her. If the ice is breaking then I suggest they try but his happened to me only to go back to how it was again and leaving me feeling even worse, like I had been used.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Wow, I feel so sorry for you!!!

I think most men would kill to have a woman like you. I know I would!!!

Either he is gay, or addicting to porn, or seeing someone else, maybe his job is super stressful or maybe he is a religious man and sexually repressed?

I'm a God fearing Christian man but I also have a high sex drive. I can remember when I was in my early teens already having sex many times each day, anywhere and at any place. Totally disrespectful and disgusted with myself when I look back but I was a walking hormone!!! My faith had nothing to do with it, for me anyway.

There are times I am very stressed out from work or when I got layed off way back from a major plant shutting down affecting thousands of others and smaller companies were I live. But that didn't kill my sex drive.

I was addicted to porn when I first got married because my wife is a larger woman with a LD and porn was my daily release being so young in my prime and the job situations.

Even when I chatted with many women, cyber'd each other, I still wanted sex with my wife, a high drive.

Maybe he is a passive guy and likes it when only you initiate? That could be it. If you expect him to initiate and he is passive, it won't happen. You feel rejected and don't try anymore.

Talk dirty to him. Tell him your fantasies and fetishes, if you have any. If my wife did that with me, I would be blown away but she is a passive woman, never taking the initiative.

I'm on my test booster cycle again starting today and I already am in the mood!!! Have to fight the urge to view porn......come home wife "us time".......

I'm always grabbing her butt, caressing her breasts, cuddling on the couch with my arm around her, rubbing her feet, to the point she tells me, no more. I've filled her attention and cuddling bucket up, heh. But she never does this stuff to me though.........because she is passive and her parents are even worse.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

OP, I am like your husband. I do not try to have sex with my wife anymore. She says she wants to, and asks why I don't. I told her so far that she is often not ready, or has a complaint, a reason etc as to why she can't. But she still wants to! She can't have it both ways. 

She is also BORING in bed. Chr|st, it's like something on repeat. I can't handle the same thing every time. A few months ago we did it 3-4 times in 7-8 days in the exact same way and I just didn't want to anymore. But she says she still wants sex.

She doesn't do oral, doesn't like passionate kissing, only does one position, is ashamed of her attractive body, etc but still wants sex.

She says she loves me but words are not as powerful as actions.

Its not enough to me anymore that she wants sex. All these other issues have to be fixed. And I doubt they can.

I really don't know if you fall in the same boat as my wife, but have a good look inside and ask yourself if you really 'do it' for your husband.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

jarhed said:


> W O W... I get accused by my wife of groping her and never sitting and just holding her hand and watching TV, etc. I arranged weekend getaways to B & B's.. dinner, wine, all for naught.
> 
> And you are doing all of this for your hubby. I think you and I just married "Lemons".


Yes we did, I just dont know if I can stay with someone that doesnt want me as a woman.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

DarkHoly said:


> You're my kind of girl.


I have done stuff like that. I once had a longerie on when I opened the door for him and then I took him to the bed and pushed him down and started taking his clothes off when he pushed me away and said he had to take a shower. I waited for him to get out and when he got out I was laying in bed he put his clothes on real quick and said he was starving


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hurra said:


> OP, I am like your husband. I do not try to have sex with my wife anymore. She says she wants to, and asks why I don't. I told her so far that she is often not ready, or has a complaint, a reason etc as to why she can't. But she still wants to! She can't have it both ways.
> 
> She is also BORING in bed. Chr|st, it's like something on repeat. I can't handle the same thing every time. A few months ago we did it 3-4 times in 7-8 days in the exact same way and I just didn't want to anymore. But she says she still wants sex.
> 
> ...


Did you tell your wife all of this?


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> Just going to say that wouldn't work on me in 100000000000000 years!!!! Not only would it be so out of character I would wonder WTF is going on I can't STAND spontaneous sex.
> 
> I'm a guy and sex for me is mental first not visual I'm talking about my wife who I do find attractive. I could care less about lingerie, dressing sexy, it's the mood that does it for me.
> 
> ...


Well you know what I would hope I get sex even once a week but we dont. I dont initiate the sex anymore since I have been rejected to many times. I wait and wait but he never initiates nothing, He usually touches my butt and says thats so hot, but I get so turned on so I think he wants to do it but he doesnt. I want to ask him to stop doing that but Im afraid he will never ever touch me again.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

JCD said:


> Check out what kind of supplements he is using. Some of them can hurt his libido. Also check his prescriptions. Somtimes it's the interaction of two or three things which can have that effect.
> 
> Bear this in mind. He is ashamed of this or he is if he's not a self centered little troll. He knows his role and his 'duties' in a marriage. He knows he isn't performing them adequately. And yet he has it thrown in his face by you chasing him.
> 
> ...


I know what you are saying, he talks about having another baby already and when we were trying to get preganant I notice that those were the only times he wanted to do it. I asked him that what is going to happen when we get prego are we not going to have sex anymore and he said yes


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wifey87 said:


> I know what you are saying, he talks about having another baby already and when we were trying to get preganant I notice that those were the only times he wanted to do it. I asked him that what is going to happen when we get prego are we not going to have sex anymore and he said yes


Are you trying to get pregnant again with this guy?


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Could it be religious reasons?


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Wow, I feel so sorry for you!!!
> 
> I think most men would kill to have a woman like you. I know I would!!!
> 
> ...


I have talked to him dirty. I send him dirty pic messages by phone, I tell him to do me hard to touch me and all other stuff I tried role play. I have tried being naked and doing stuff with him he doesnt want to cause either he is to full he is watching tv take a shower hungry ect, I have gotten it all. I tokd him lets take a shower. i have also asked him sometimes beg him to put his penis in my mouth. Cause just satifying him makes me happy, he doesnt want to. I told him lets take a shower and then we can do it in there nope. I sometimes go when he is taking a shower and start getting naked but he is like no wait Im about to come out so that u can come on in. He does cuddle with me a lot and i put my a** all up on him that doesnt work.I just dont know what else to try, Well besides that now Im shy cause I feel like he doesnt like my body. Well at least we have had sex twice in three weeks so I guess thats good.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

mary35 said:


> Could it be religious reasons?


He doesnt believe in anything actually


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

sexualhealth said:


> Oh my goodness this man is treating you so disrespectfully. You have needs and desires. My partner also does not want sex with me very often and it also makes me very low and depressed. I totally understand you. I am now feeling like leaving as we are not married but I still have a massive life change to undertake if I leave him. As for you then I suggest you say to him that you feel like he is teasing you with the bottom squeezing and that you want to be taken like a woman and he should make love like a real man. You deserve so much more, the longer this goes on the more and more you will feel like garbage, I know this feeling and it makes you feel ugly when the truth is lots of men would like to make love to you if they had the chance. We have just drawn the short straw in life. The trouble is these men do not see that they have a problem, they are selfish. You will probably end up divorcing him becasue no matter how much you are attracted to him , he WILL NOT CHANGE. Believe me it get no better, period. This is as good as it gets. Do not instgate sex with him, do not beg, go to bed without him, put a pillow in the middle, buy yourself a vibrator, Anything but do not desire him any longer because he he treating you like a friend or companion not a lover.


I keep thinking that Im going to be okay by not having sex but he just turns me on so much and then I start thinking about sex. He says I need to see someone cause I want to have to much sex with my husband. I actually told him I was going to see someone but I really wasnt and he said thats good. Like if I have a problem. SOmetimes he does make feel like i have a problem and that I shouldnt feel the way I feel. I dream about us having sex all the time and that helps me out.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Anything less than sex 10 times a year is considered a sexless marriage.
> 
> Does he use porn and/or masterbate? If you don't know start watching him closely to see if he does.


I do ask him and I watch him but he doesnt do any of that.


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

Hurra said:


> OP, I am like your husband. I do not try to have sex with my wife anymore. She says she wants to, and asks why I don't. I told her so far that she is often not ready, or has a complaint, a reason etc as to why she can't. But she still wants to! She can't have it both ways.
> 
> She is also BORING in bed. Chr|st, it's like something on repeat. I can't handle the same thing every time. A few months ago we did it 3-4 times in 7-8 days in the exact same way and I just didn't want to anymore. But she says she still wants sex.
> 
> ...


Well I do oral but he doesnt want to most of the time, I do like different positions. I usually tell him spontanously on the couch with me bending over or on top of the washer or table me on top on the side from behind anything. What do you think I should try i will go rough gentle oral toys ect but just this things idk what I should do next. I have tried role play too. I offered oral in car too. what else and what the only position that ur wife likes to do it?


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## wifey87 (Dec 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Are you trying to get pregnant again with this guy?


Nope Im just tryin to have a better sex life


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## Darkflower (Dec 2, 2011)

I read a lot of love from you for him in these posts. Do you love him so much that you're willing to stay with him even if things don't change?

You don't even have to answer that question right now. You don't have to answer it here. But you do have to answer it. 

If the answer is "yes", perhaps ask yourself why. To love someone this much who does not desire intimacy with you seems like a form of codependency to me.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

sexualhealth said:


> Well are you in a situation where a man makes you feel inadequate? Maybe, id so you know how it feels, if not then you have no idea. A woman should not have to resorting to begging or be grateful that he is willing to pleasure her. If the ice is breaking then I suggest they try but his happened to me only to go back to how it was again and leaving me feeling even worse, like I had been used.


How is this in any way different than when a wife rejects her husband? Does he not have feelings? Is sex the only way a partner can reject her/his spouse?

So yes, I've been rejected by my spouse who didn't want to spend any time with me as a person. It sucks. Perhaps not as constantly as you. And I've rejected my wife. And if we went into this death spiral of one upmanship, that would heal nothing and we would now be divorced.

OP, he probably isn't crazy. He probably isn't cruel...but if he is, he has a reason. Find that reason. He isn't necessarily stupid. This has a motive. When you find it, you MIGHT be able to fix it...or you know it's time to move on.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

BrookeT said:


> Be stronger when you initiate. Jump him, sove your hand down the front of his pants and whip it out if you need to.  Walk into the room, naked, get on top of him and look him right in the eye and say......**** me right now.
> 
> If you still get rejected after that, then something is seriously wrong.


This is totally wrong advice and if you follow it he will withdraw from you even more.

Men who are not interested in having sex with their wives- for whatever reason, will react to such advances by perceiving them as sexual pressure to perform which will make you even more sexually unattractive to him. If he is masturbating and using porn this kind of pressure could cause him to come to prefer this type of sexual release over partner sex if he hasn't already.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

wifey87 said:


> I have talked to him dirty. I send him dirty pic messages by phone, I tell him to do me hard to touch me and all other stuff I tried role play. I have tried being naked and doing stuff with him he doesnt want to cause either he is to full he is watching tv take a shower hungry ect, I have gotten it all. I tokd him lets take a shower. i have also asked him sometimes beg him to put his penis in my mouth. Cause just satifying him makes me happy, he doesnt want to. I told him lets take a shower and then we can do it in there nope. I sometimes go when he is taking a shower and start getting naked but he is like no wait Im about to come out so that u can come on in. He does cuddle with me a lot and i put my a** all up on him that doesnt work.I just dont know what else to try, Well besides that now Im shy cause I feel like he doesnt like my body. Well at least we have had sex twice in three weeks so I guess thats good.



Just reading this response is already getting me in the mood. *My wife has never done any of this and we've been married 13 years*. You don't deserve this neglect and what I would consider abuse. He doesn't deserve you!!! Have a serious chat with him, MC, or maybe move on.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Being rejected by your partner for sex can be equality destructive and negative whether you are a man or a woman. It's not fair to think it's ok for a wife to reject her husband and not ok for a husband to reject his wife, and vice versa. And for many, sex is not just some physical need, but a very intimate form to display desire and affection for each other. When constantly rejected, it can makes us feel unwanted, lack of confidence and uncared for.

I'm not a man, so my knowledge to why a man constantly reject his wife's sexual advances are limited. But since the displays of affection are there (just not sex), can it be physiological, or something psychologically repressed? Like some trauma he cannot confess or is not truly aware.

But in any ways, he should acknowledge your needs, and then together try to figure out why he does not want sex. If he really has a problem, then he should try to find a solution together with you (only him can have the will to do that thought). If he is healthy and it's really just low drive, the you both have to think if this is what you both really want.
But assuming that the problem is yours or even being ok to disregard your needs for the long term is selfish. He might be doing so in order to avoid facing some problem, but if not then he was selfish to marry with you, knowing that you have high drive and he's not into the same.

In any case, try to talk with him without putting too much pressure that makes him defense instead of opening up. If after some time he still doesn't try at least a bit, then you have to decide if this is the man you want to continue with.


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## FrustratedMale39 (Dec 26, 2012)

Yes, I agree. That kind of subtle approach has it's benefits. Not that I would know of course lol.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Repression of sex is not any better than any other needs that you have that are not being met. I seem to want to ask if he is into body building? Is he taking supplements? These can drastically affect the libido. Most young virile men are hornier than two-peckered billy-goats, so there is nothing normal about this. If he isn't gay, cheating or mentally repressed, then I would look for a medical cause here. This is not something that will get better without professional help. If he refuses to address this issue, you may need to consider more drastic options.


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## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

my husbadn has erectile dysfunction and doesn't want to have sex either. HE did not have it this badly when we married- we used to have a lot of sec and while he was never the best lover at least he wanted it. Now he can't get fully ard and comes in 2 seconds and never orally or manually stimulates me and I am always angry with him


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Is it possible that he just doesnt enjoy sex? I mean, I know it would be extremely unusual, but anything is possible, right? Think about it, even for those of us who love sex, it IS messy, its smelly, it takes a lot of physical exertion...I can see where it may not be a positive, pleasant thing to everybody. (to ME, its a GOOD messy, smelly, etc!  ) 
I hate to say it, but him rejecting you and not meeting your sexual needs is setting you up as a prime candidate for an affair. I am not saying that this would be okay or that you would do this, but this is the kind of thing that can drive a person to get their needs met elsewhere. 
So many things to think about with this situation. I am very sorry you are having to deal with this.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

There are 2 reasons why your husband no longer wants to have sex with you:
1) he no longer feels attracted sexually to you
2) his "sexual attraction" energy is being suppressed and directed elsewhere.

1) what did you used to do that 'turned him on' sexually. It might not necessarily have been touch....
2) Does he have other problems that he is dealing with? Is he feeling frustrated or stressed in other areas of his life? If so, how can you find a way to help take the load off him in those areas? 

When someone no longer wants sex, it's not usually about the sex. that is the symptom, but not the cause.


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## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

there could be a third reason like my issue- he could just have no sex drive


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> Did you tell your wife all of this?


On top of what I already told her, I have tested the waters on various issues and she doesn't get the message. I've gotten serious before about my issues but she just gets upset. And she may give me the silent treatment. She just doesn't want to do different things. Her brain is hard wired to think the way she does about sex and I can't see her 'wanting' to because she wants to out of enjoyment but only because she feels like she has to. That is not good enough.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

wifey87 said:


> Well I do oral but he doesnt want to most of the time, I do like different positions. I usually tell him spontanously on the couch with me bending over or on top of the washer or table me on top on the side from behind anything. What do you think I should try i will go rough gentle oral toys ect but just this things idk what I should do next. I have tried role play too. I offered oral in car too. what else and what the only position that ur wife likes to do it?



Sounds like you try at least. I'm not sure what else to suggest. 

My wife only wants to do it missionary. That's it. Last time she got on top was 16 months ago. And even then it had to be pitch dark and she didn't really want to. She's just so uptight about anything sex.


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