# Advice for wife with husband who just started night shift



## newgrlntwn (Jun 11, 2011)

My husband is the type that if you don't wake up him up he'll sleep all day. He just started working the night shift, working 10-12 hrs a night. It already feels like in the day time he's hardly putting in any effort into spending quality time with the whole six hours we have together, we also have a 14 month old daughter. We've only been married for 2 yrs this august and I need advice on how to make things work out the best it can.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Give it a little time. It's hard to adjust to night work. My husband did it for 9 years and yes we had kids during that time. I was mostly a single mom. Not a fun time and I'm sure grateful it's over now.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I spent a lot of time on 3d shift, 11:00pm to 7:00am. What worked best for me was to get home, unwind or about 1 hr, go to bed for about 3 hrs, stay up from 1:00pm to about 8:00pm, take an hour nap. Dark, cool, room, earplugs. I averaged 3-5 hours of sleep a day. Everyone's different. Be patient and remember that 1:00pm for him is the same as maybe 2:00am for you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Me and Mrs. the guy meet in the morning She stays up a liitle longer and I wake up a little earilyer.

Really it still sucks, I mean we do our best b/c if we don't someone else will. What I mean is If I don't show her some quility time some one else will and vise versuv.

Another thing to look at is it may have nothing to do with what shift he's on and maybe more about the communication.

Check out his health plan there maybe some employee assitance program and you guys can check out a MC. For us just a couple of visits gave us the tools we needed, it really isn't a big deal, even one visit can give the both of you a small boost to get gack on track,


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## newgrlntwn (Jun 11, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback. I do think there is a problem with communication as well. The concept of marriage is hard for me just because I've always given up in the past when things got rough, but I love my husband with all my heart and that's why i'm looking for advice because i'm not quitting just because it's hard.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Be thankful he's not on 2nd shift (3:00pm to 11:00pm). My wife works normal hours and we almost never saw each other when I was on that shift. I really feel bad for our employees with school age kids, too, 'cause they only see their kids on the weekends.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Now that you are married, I hope you will treat this relationship differently and not quit when the going gets tough. Marriage has many ups and downs and if everyone quit the first time things got tough, nobody would stay married.

Shift work is TOUGH on a marriage. You just don't have the same time as you would with someone who works a normal schedule. My husband is a cop and his shift rotates. He just finished up at 20 week midnight rotation and it was really hard on us. He would get home at 9 a.m., eat breakfast, go to bed at 10 and sleep until 7 p.m. Then he would eat dinner and shower and leave for work at 9 p.m. All told, that was just 3 hours a day at home when he was awake, and a lot of that was taken up with showering, making his coffee, using the bathroom(he's a guy and sits in there for 30 minutes), so not much time was left for me. However he also gets 3 days off, so we have tried to make the most of those days. Still, he would catch up on sleep during those days off, and I would be working (from home) so it was not like a weekend off for both of us.

It is more important during those times to make each moment count and plan time together to stay connected. Don't assume it will happen, take deliberate action to make sure you spend time together, even if it is going to the supermarket together or running errands, chores or yard work together.


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## hurtfulgoodtimes (Jun 12, 2011)

After my H and I got married, he got a job working five 12 hour shifts a week, from 7p to 7a. I, on the other hand worked 2p-10p six days a week. It was incredibly hard on us. We fought all of the time, we didn't communicate even accurately. He would say something and I'd take it offensively and vice versa. We pulled through it, somehow. The main thing was getting used to night shift. Sure, you're not going to be able to stay awake all the time, but once he gets used to the hours, he wont sleep as much. My H used to come home, go straight to sleep and wake up an hour before he had to leave. After a few months, he started waking up earlier and earlier. Give him time to wiggle into third shift, and try not to make hasty decisions. Maybe in the future he can get on daylight.


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## ovada (Jun 5, 2012)

I know it is hard to have your husband work nights. Mine does, and has for 5 1/2 years! It is hard on him, me and our daughter, our life and marriage No matter how much we support him, life is really hard still. That is why i made this site: https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/NightShiftFamilySupport

SO families can come and support each other and know we aren't the only ones who live this way.


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## forthesakeofreason (May 29, 2012)

I've been working nights for about 10 years now. When I started, I remember coming home and sleeping for about 10-12 hours. It was hard, but I stuck with it, and today, I basically get out of work, go home, pound an extra tall cup of coffee, and hang out all day. I take a nap for an hour before leaving and do it all over again. Then, I just play catch up on my days off.

I guess the moral of the story is, a.) he needs to get acclimated to the schedule before it works for you and your family and b.) he needs to figure out what he wants to get out of it. If he wants to stay up all day, and be with you guys, well, he'll find a way eventually. 

My wife is grateful that I work nights because I earn about 20% more than I would working the same job during the day, and it allows her to stay home.

Good Luck!


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## jenniferswe (Apr 23, 2012)

too bad my sister-in-law isn't here. Nearly my brother and her's marriage has been him working nigh shift. They will be married 20 years this coming October. She could tell you all about it. From what I understand is, she does her best to keep things quiet during the day however my brother is such a heavy sleeper, thunder storms didn't even wake him. My brother has always been a night owl and so is she. It does take adjustment. Now that my niece is in college and my nephews are teens, she is doing in-home daycare. So to make it work is to keep yourself busy during the day and spend what quality time you can together at night. They like watch movies at home.


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