# Horrible stepmom



## SUZIWORD (Nov 11, 2010)

What do you do when you love your husband but don't want his kids around? I feel just horrible. My kids are grown and basically gone. The youngest is a freshman in college, so basically gone. Husband works shift work and on nights when he is working I am pretty much home alone and enjoy my quiet time. Well we have his kids for the holidays and I don't mind a couple of days but it is beginning to wear on me. I don't want to have to go home and cook or worry about them going to sleep or staying up late, etc. I like the fact that I could go home (usually) put on my PJ's and chill in front of the TV and do nothing if I didn't want too! They fight with each other etc., nothing out of the ordinary but kids stuff and I totally understand that, but I feel horrible b/c I am thinking do I really want to go through with this for another 8-10 years!?! I know I should have thought about that before hand, but I guess at the time it didn's seem to bother me. There are other issues going on to with my family because they don't like him and I have posted on previous post about my son who now lives with his grandparents because he doesn't like him either and we always have Christmas on Chrismtas Eve but since I am with him I am not allowed to go. I don't know crazy post, crazy life, what do you do.


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## Harmony1962 (Dec 22, 2010)

Suziword, it sounds like we have similar situations. I too love my husband and I too have tremendous guilt because I do not like his children. I care about them on the basic, human level but I do not love them and am highly uncomfortable when they visit. I was truly hoping that in 7 years when they are both over the age of 18 and hopefully in college that life would be better. No more every-other-weekend visitation. WOOHOO! 
I too enjoy my quiet time alone. You sound so much like me. I need lots of chill out time. It's just my personality.

If his children are adults you shouldn't be expected to cook and clean up for them, especially if you are working all day. That's just BS. 

Do I understand you to say that your son doesn't live with you because he doesn't like your husband? And that your family doesn't like him either? And your not ALLOWED to spend Xmas with your son and family? What the hell???? This really concerns me. 

I beat myself up constantly because I believe I too should have known what I was getting into when I married my husband and all his baggage. Reality is that we had no way of know what we were in for. All we can do is take care of ourselves now and do what is best for us....whatever that may be. I'm still trying to figure that out. 

I feel your pain.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you marry someone with minor kids, you marry their kids, too. Maybe, at the moment, they have little contact with your spouse and live with a custodial parent. That can change in an instant and you and your spouse become primary parents. Luckily, my kids are basically grown, but the mere mention of my kids (coming to visit, needing a little help, etc) is enough to start serious conflict with my wife. She knew I had kids when we married and she had to have known I would interract with them. That is a relationship for life and will only expand as grandkids arrive. Anyone contemplating marrying a woman or a guy with kids needs to seriously understand the implications of that decision. It is a decision to be a parent, to be a grandparent, to be grafted onto a tree that already exists.


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