# I think I just blew a great opportunity to make a date



## BeachGuy

My divorce isn't final yet but close. I'm not actively looking for dates right now but I think I missed a great chance this morning and I'm still kicking myself. It ressurected a feeling inside I haven't felt in a long time.

I had a dental procedure and had casual conversation with the two assistants. We were laughing and talking about kids and stuff while waiting on the novicaine to work. One of them mentioned her "ex" two or three times. After I was finished the one I was drawn to was very friendly with me, putting her hand on my shoulder, etc. She walked me out to the front and put her hand on my back and kind of rubbed it quickly.

Am I imagining things here? Was she firting or am I just desperate? It's been so long since I played this game. I didn't even know her name but would've loved to have asked her out to lunch or something. I guess I thought it was inappropriate given the setting. Is it?

I go back in 6 months for a follow up.


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## Jellybeans

Sounds like she was flirting with you in a weird way. Weird because who da fck mentions their ex so much? Maybe you dodged a bullet (with a horny lady).


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## Jellybeans

Ah and romantic novocaine. Sounds like a story!


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## BeachGuy

Lol...sorry, I wasn't clear. She was not the one that was mentioning her ex. Novacaine doesn't make you loopy either. Just numb. No gas today.


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## Jellybeans

She was flirting with you it seems. 

Next time you go back there and see her, flirt her up.

I can be a tactile person but if I am into someone, I seem to want to touch them more.


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## BeachGuy

Great...so I have to wait six months.  Maybe by then I'll have learned how to flirt back? I do have an excuse to call back up there today and talk to her. She gave me some instructions on after-care and meds and I forgot one thing she said about when to take the next dosage.


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## COguy

BeachGuy said:


> Great...so I have to wait six months.  Maybe by then I'll have learned how to flirt back? I do have an excuse to call back up there today and talk to her. She gave me some instructions on after-care and meds and I forgot one thing she said about when to take the next dosage.


Dude don't be a vagine.

When you call her up tell her you'd love to grab a drink sometime. Have like two or three dates that work for you and seal the deal.

Women don't touch the backs of men they don't like, you're in.


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## 2galsmom

Had the dental hygienist been a male and done that I would have been completely CREEPED out.


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## BeachGuy

2galsmom said:


> Had the dental hygienist been a male and done that I would have been completely CREEPED out.


That's because of the double standard in this country. As a male, I would never touch a client, customer, coworker!


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## RandomDude

Some women have very strange ways of flirting/hitting on men. Hell I just went out last night with a woman who wouldn't STOP STARING AT ME!!! =/


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Hey, Beach Guy! Yahoo for YOU!

Don't wait 6 months. And since you don't know her name, how're you going to ask for her on the phone? 

Just go back to the dentist, stop in for the instructions and ASK HER OUT IN PERSON!! Go for it, BG!


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## RandomDude

Heh make up some excuse, like a toothache or something.


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## Pbartender

This...



COguy said:


> Dude don't be a vagine.
> 
> When you call her up tell her you'd love to grab a drink sometime. Have like two or three dates that work for you and seal the deal.
> 
> Women don't touch the backs of men they don't like, you're in.


...and this...



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Hey, Beach Guy! Yahoo for YOU!
> 
> Don't wait 6 months. And since you don't know her name, how're you going to ask for her on the phone?
> 
> Just go back to the dentist, stop in for the instructions and ASK HER OUT IN PERSON!! Go for it, BG!


:smthumbup:


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## BeachGuy

I called on my way home and asked to speak to her to ask about the instructions she gave me., The 20-something girl at the desk says "Oh I can answer your questions for you!" Doh!


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## Pbartender

BeachGuy said:


> I called on my way home and asked to speak to her to ask about the instructions she gave me., The 20-something girl at the desk says "Oh I can answer your questions for you!" Doh!


Dude.

:slap:

That's way you don't try using a silly excuse like that. All you had to do was call up (or stop by in person) and and say, "Hello, I'm calling for Touchy-Feely. Is she available?" Then, you go ahead and just ask her out for coffee or something.

Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.


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## RandomDude

:rofl:

Just walk in there mate!


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## COguy

Here's the deal, you're GOING to get this date if you walk in there and ask her. Love favors the bold.

So agree to get over whatever temporary discomfort there is from initiating this process and go do it.

You'll feel more manly afterwards, because most guys would be too chicken sh*t to see a girl, like her, and then walk into their place of business and ask them out.


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> She was flirting with you it seems.
> 
> Next time you go back there and see her, flirt her up.
> 
> I can be a tactile person but if I am into someone, I seem to want to touch them more.


Where abouts ?


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## whitehawk

COguy said:


> Dude don't be a vagine.
> 
> When you call her up tell her you'd love to grab a drink sometime. Have like two or three dates that work for you and seal the deal.
> 
> Women don't touch the backs of men they don't like, you're in.



l'm making a note of this , bit out practice myself :scratchhead:


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## whitehawk

COguy said:


> Here's the deal, you're GOING to get this date if you walk in there and ask her. Love favors the bold.
> 
> So agree to get over whatever temporary discomfort there is from initiating this process and go do it.
> 
> You'll feel more manly afterwards, because most guys would be too chicken sh*t to see a girl, like her, and then walk into their place of business and ask them out.



Hmm , more notes , gonna have to keep an eye on this one


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## thunderstruck

Agree with COguy. Don't worry about learning to flirt. Just put it in your head that she wants you to ask her out, and then make your move with confidence. 

You're in. :smthumbup:


2galsmom said:


> Beach guy, I am happy not getting felt up by strange men.


I would NEVER touch a female coworker/customer. My female coworkers, OTOH, routinely touch my arms/shoulders/back, sometimes add in a short rub/hug, and make flirty comments.


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## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Where abouts ?


On the arm/forearm. That seems to be my go-to touch. I may give it a little squeeze.

I went on a date with a guy and did this though and he was not receptive. Granted, he didn't pull away but he made no attempt to touch me til he hugged me Goodbye. I was... sad. Lol.


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## BeachGuy

Jellybeans said:


> On the arm/forearm. That seems to be my go-to touch. I may give it a little squeeze.
> 
> I went on a date with a guy and did this though and he was not receptive. Granted, he didn't pull away but he made no attempt to touch me til he hugged me Goodbye. I was... sad. Lol.


I told ya before...we're dopes sometimes. :banghead:


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## Jellybeans

So does that means he wasn't into it/me, right? 

We spent hours on the date, too. I would not have stayed that long if I didn't like him and figured he'd not have done the same, too.

And we went out again, too. Same thing happened - long date and he didn't seem to want to leave but no receptivity to me touching his arm. I wanted him to touch back! Dammit! Lol


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## BeachGuy

Jellybeans said:


> So does that means he wasn't into it/me, right?
> 
> We spent hours on the date, too. I would not have stayed that long if I didn't like him and figured he'd not have done the same, too.
> 
> And we went out again, too. Same thing happened - long date.


Hard to say. Maybe he was just clueless. Maybe he wasn't into it. If y'all went out again for a second long date, I'd guess he liked you. Some people just aren't touchy-feely. For me, it's my #1 love language. I loved when she put her hand on my back and gave it a little rub.


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## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> All you had to do was call up (or stop by in person) and and say, "*Hello, I'm calling for Touchy-Feely. Is she available?*" Then, you go ahead and just ask her out for coffee or something.


Just a note of clarification: Don't actually say these words.  




 
:rofl:


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## Pbartender

BeachGuy said:


> For me, it's my #1 love language.


That's the same for me, but after 15 years with the WWotMW, I've sort been trained into an aversion of it.

It was one of the most difficult things towards the end of our marriage... I'd so badly want to give her hugs, kisses, hold her hand, snuggle up to her on the couch or in bed, but was afraid to because I was never quite certain how she'd react to it.

Months ago, when I started going on the occasional date, it was one of the red flags indicating I wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet... The very idea of wanting to hold a woman's hand or give her a kiss made me almost sick-to-my-stomach nervous. My #1 "love language" still felt unnatural to me.

Now, though, I find myself quickly getting back into the habit, when given the chance.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Just a note of clarification: Don't actually say these words.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


But if you do, make sure to record it on video and post it on YouTube.

:smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Months ago, when I started going on the occasional date, it was one of the red flags indicating I wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet... The very idea of wanting to hold a woman's hand or give her a kiss made me almost sick-to-my-stomach nervous. My #1 "love language" still felt unnatural to me.
> 
> Now, though, I find myself quickly getting back into the habit, when given the chance.


You probably just were not ready to date yet. But it sounds like you are now. It takes a while for all the ickiness (feelings) to wear off post-divorce/separation. TIME.


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## BeachGuy

Pbartender said:


> I've sort been trained into an aversion of it.
> 
> The very idea of wanting to hold a woman's hand or give her a kiss made me almost sick-to-my-stomach nervous. My #1 "love language" still felt unnatural to me.


I feel myself going to that same place now.


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## Jellybeans

Here's hoping you come out of it soon.

That we all do!


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## BeachGuy

angelpixie said:


> Just a note of clarification: Don't actually say these words.
> 
> :rofl:


Lol...I didn't.

Too funny....stbx just texted me and said the dental office called to check on me. Same 20-something year old girl that burst my bubble yesterday.

Another bonehead thing I did to blow it...I remembered when I was checking out (she had already walked off) telling the girl at the desk that "my wife needed the same procedure too".

I'm just an idiot when it comes to this, huh?


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## Jellybeans

No, you're not an idiot. It's a learning process. And you will more likely fail/falter a few times before you strike gold again. We all will.


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## Pbartender

BeachGuy said:


> Lol...I didn't.
> 
> Too funny....stbx just texted me and said the dental office called to check on me. Same 20-something year old girl that burst my bubble yesterday.
> 
> Another bonehead thing I did to blow it...I remembered when I was checking out (she had already walked off) telling the girl at the desk that "my wife needed the same procedure too".
> 
> I'm just an idiot when it comes to this, huh?


:loser: 



BeachGuy said:


> I feel myself going to that same place now.


You know what really helped?

Practice.

Lots and lots of practice.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

BeachGuy,

You'll feel better about yourself if you just MAN UP and walk in the dentist office next week on your lunch hour and ASK HER OUT!

Make it CASUAL (like coffee some evening, or drinks/appetizers some evening) not a DINNER/MOVIE/DATE. It will give you confidence that you're easing back into the dating scene. Have SOME idea of a plan, though, or you'll look like a putz.

Try:

"Hi, <name>, I wanted to stop by and see if you're interested in meeting up for drinks/appetizers sometime after work? Mid-week, say Wedneday or Thursday works for me; how about you?"

Make the 'date' for a definite time, place and duration. It's better to get an idea of whether you're suited to each other before you plan a long expensive date. It's also better to leave each of you 'wanting more' instead of thinking 'God, will this date never end?!?'

...just one woman's opinion! Go *ask her out for next week though*! Then report back here, sir!


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## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Some women have very strange ways of flirting/hitting on men. Hell I just went out last night with a woman who wouldn't STOP STARING AT ME!!! =/



Well l know how this one feels l get the stare thing all the time, gets weird .


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> On the arm/forearm. That seems to be my go-to touch. I may give it a little squeeze.
> 
> I went on a date with a guy and did this though and he was not receptive. Granted, he didn't pull away but he made no attempt to touch me til he hugged me Goodbye. I was... sad. Lol.


Ah hu . Yeah she's a harsh old world out there ain't it .
My fav fav favorite flirt touch from a girl is that sorta linger on the hands or fingers . You know if you say pass each other something and she might sorta linger or slide her fingers tips along yours. God l love that one , really turns me on to actually. l dunno to l just feel it's sorta such a compliment too.


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## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> That's the same for me, but after 15 years with the WWotMW, I've sort been trained into an aversion of it.
> 
> It was one of the most difficult things towards the end of our marriage... I'd so badly want to give her hugs, kisses, hold her hand, snuggle up to her on the couch or in bed, but was afraid to because I was never quite certain how she'd react to it.
> 
> Months ago, when I started going on the occasional date, it was one of the red flags indicating I wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet... The very idea of wanting to hold a woman's hand or give her a kiss made me almost sick-to-my-stomach nervous. My #1 "love language" still felt unnatural to me.
> 
> Now, though, I find myself quickly getting back into the habit, when given the chance.



Yeah isn't it strange . The thought of dates again , starting over , makes me sick to the stomach .


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> You probably just were not ready to date yet. But it sounds like you are now. It takes a while for all the ickiness (feelings) to wear off post-divorce/separation. TIME.


This is all why l'll just never understand how a married person can just walk straight out of the marriage, destroy the family, all the years and just straight into something else full on . l will never understand how they can do that .


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## Catherine602

You might look at it this way. A married patient whose spouse is also a patient, walks into an office and ask the dental assistant for a date. is that a bold manning-up move?

It may be considered lack of proper behavior in a place of business. The dentist is likely to think you are treating his place like a pick up joint.

Let me explain something about practice. I look at it from the standpoint of the owner, the dentist. They are very risk aversive, pay attention to practice building, professionalism, image and fee's.

Dental treatment forces a kind of invasion of space that would not be tolerated by strangers under normal circumstances. Some patients mistake this for more much more. 

The dentist walks a tightrope, with patients. He/she trains his staff to avoid entanglement with patients as this threatens his/her business. He/she does not want to lose a paying patient but running a dating emporium is probably not in the business plan.

A suit by a patient claiming breach of promise after a dating disaster would not be covered by professional liability insurance.  You cannot imagine how common and troublesome this is for a business. These patients require "special handling", not good thing. You may have to change dentist if you become "one of those" patients. 

Don't be common, be discerning and dignified.


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## stillhoping

Hey Jelly, are you going out with that man again? This time, maybe you can touch his arm and ask him how it feels or let him know that is behavior you appreciate. Don't miss out on the opportunity before it has completely revealed itself. Could be his last date responded negatively to his touch and so now he is cautious. This part of my life is going to be about not making assumptions, about asking for what I want and expecting people to make clear their expectations.


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## wtf2012

Jellybeans said:


> So does that means he wasn't into it/me, right?
> 
> We spent hours on the date, too. I would not have stayed that long if I didn't like him and figured he'd not have done the same, too.
> 
> And we went out again, too. Same thing happened - long date and he didn't seem to want to leave but no receptivity to me touching his arm. I wanted him to touch back! Dammit! Lol


Not necessarily. Some men internalize societal messages the same way that women do. Instead of "be nice to everyone not matter what" for women, for men it is "don't be a creeper."

In my experience, affection and touching are huge for me, but only in a committed relationship. For me it feels weird to be touching anyone who isn't the woman I am being intimate with, and then often times I can't touch (or be touched by) her enough.


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## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> So does that means he wasn't into it/me, right?
> 
> We spent hours on the date, too. I would not have stayed that long if I didn't like him and figured he'd not have done the same, too.
> 
> And we went out again, too. Same thing happened - long date and he didn't seem to want to leave but no receptivity to me touching his arm. I wanted him to touch back! Dammit! Lol


Well, you could put your arm around his and walk with him or lean towards him which would be more of a surefire sign IMO.


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## BeachGuy

Catherine602 said:


> You might look at it this way. A married patient whose spouse is also a patient, walks into an office and ask the dental assistant for a date. is that a bold manning-up move?


I guess I wasn't clear. My stbx is not a patient here and won't be. I just mentioned to the office staff that she needed the same procedure. She'll be going elsewhere for hers.


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## Jellybeans

stillhoping said:


> Hey Jelly, are you going out with that man again? This time, maybe you can touch his arm and ask him how it feels or let him know that is behavior you appreciate. Don't miss out on the opportunity before it has completely revealed itself. Could be his last date responded negatively to his touch and so now he is cautious. This part of my life is going to be about not making assumptions, about asking for what I want and expecting people to make clear their expectations.


It's been almost two weeks now and I have not heard from him. But I also have not reached out to him either. At the end of the date he said he hoped to see me again soon and I told him Yes and to let me know. But he hasn't reached out to me... (I invited him out last time and it would be nice if he reached out this time). So I am thinking he's not into it but at the same time my ego is a little bruised cause I am attracted to him. And our dates lasted so long so I thought he liked me. I haven't been attracted to a man like that in awhile.

I guess I am confused.

What do you guys think?


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> It's been almost two weeks now and I have not heard from him. But I also have not reached out to him either. At the end of the date he said he hoped to see me again soon and I told him Yes and to let me know. But he hasn't reached out to me... (I invited him out last time and it would be nice if he reached out this time). So I am thinking he's not into it but at the same time my ego is a little bruised cause I am attracted to him. And our dates lasted so long so I thought he liked me. I haven't been attracted to a man like that in awhile.
> 
> I guess I am confused.
> 
> What do you guys think?



It's damn hard l know . this is one reason l don't really mind laying low right now . Hey that does sound like l'm beating them off with a stick doesn't it- kinda cool l'l have to use that one from now on.
Laying low- no life, no women, no money but hey , l'm laying low right now :rofl:

Did you get much idea about how busy he is , does he go away for work or do shift work or something ?
Was he knocked about from a bad divorce or sep , another reason why he might string it out as he will need the time .
If he wasn't living rushed of he's feet , or through something like that then it probably isn't a good sign l'm afraid but you'll have to wait for his move now, no way you can reach out to him again now until he makes an effort .

The touching thing or lack of can be two things for me , not interested or don't wanna come across as creepy, slimey . It can be really tricky for guys because we hear girls running down touchy guys all the time .
And then even if they're touchy or flirty they can still turn round and act like that sometimes or say they didn't mean it in that way or somem .
Me l give what l get and then a bit , check the waters that way 
lf it's not returned or seems not appreciated l'd back right off after that . 
Or say if she doesn't but seems interested he'll send out a few touches to test the old reception and take it from there . Some girls say like my x , need it coming in first , there's no way she'll do a thing unless it's coming in first . Pretty cool that l reckon personally.
My 2cents worth


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## Jellybeans

Yeah you know, I am maybe not good at this "dating" thing. Lol. If only it were easier. I figure since I told him to let me know, that he'd let me know if he wanted to meet up again. I'm not one to chase. I am the anti-cling/anti-chaser. I still did like him though.


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## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah you know, I am maybe not good at this "dating" thing. Lol. If only it were easier. I figure since I told him to let me know, that he'd let me know if he wanted to meet up again. I'm not one to chase. I am the anti-cling/anti-chaser. I still did like him though.



Ahh me either , believe me l'm dreading the thought of it. thing is it seems to be all dating dating now yet l never even use to go on dates before really. well l wouldn't call much of it dates as such . mostly l was lucky and usually met through friends or just bumped into someone new out somewhere , or partying . Seems l have no life now though yet :rofl: , or friends  and live outa town on one ac , l hate to think.
Few of d's friends have nice mums , never know . Was one but hadn't seen her for ages and when l did she'd piled weight on and looked totally different, damn. 
Hey, hope to get my new canoe soon , could always beach it in front of some good looking walker :lol:


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## whitehawk

l know it just sounds like desperate but l can't shake that chick with the beach house l accidentally met only a few mths out. lt was a rarity being so soon and yet it the attraction and way we just hit it off.
Trouble was she did really have some serious issues and l just wasn't up to helping her through them and it caused a lot of trust [email protected] in her.
She had major x hurt , 4 or 5yrs and it was still ruining her , damn shame . 
Ah well , good news is her fav band was the Roling Stones. l mean yeah could hack a little bit of them 20 yrs ago but hey 24/7 around the house now , couldn't go there !


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## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah you know, I am maybe not good at this "dating" thing. Lol. If only it were easier. I figure since I told him to let me know, that he'd let me know if he wanted to meet up again. I'm not one to chase. I am the anti-cling/anti-chaser. I still did like him though.


Well, one doesn't have to be a chaser to seduce 

One can still entice a man to make a move, or at the very least make him go crazy thinking about you if he doesn't lol


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## thunderstruck

Jellybeans said:


> It's been almost two weeks now and I have not heard from him. But I also have not reached out to him either.
> 
> I guess I am confused. What do you guys think?


I think you should take the lead and ask him out. Countless reasons for why he isn't making a move. Was he overly shy? Guys can be pretty freakin clueless with picking up signals from women. Maybe he felt a lack of interest coming from you, even though you gave him a few touches.

I've had more one women tell me...later - "Couldn't you tell that I liked you?" :scratchhead:


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## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> It's been almost two weeks now and I have not heard from him. But I also have not reached out to him either. At the end of the date he said he hoped to see me again soon and I told him Yes and to let me know. But he hasn't reached out to me... *(I invited him out last time and it would be nice if he reached out this time).* So I am thinking he's not into it but at the same time my ego is a little bruised cause I am attracted to him. And our dates lasted so long so I thought he liked me. I haven't been attracted to a man like that in awhile.
> 
> I guess I am confused.
> 
> What do you guys think?


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## trinidadchick

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Hey, Beach Guy! Yahoo for YOU!
> 
> Don't wait 6 months. And since you don't know her name, how're you going to ask for her on the phone?
> 
> Just go back to the dentist, stop in for the instructions and ASK HER OUT IN PERSON!! Go for it, BG!


Slowly getting wiser and beach guy!!!!! do you guys remember me??!!!!! beach guy you bit the bullet and did it??!!! Whattttt


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## BeachGuy

trinidadchick said:


> Slowly getting wiser and beach guy!!!!! do you guys remember me??!!!!! beach guy you bit the bullet and did it??!!! Whattttt


Hey trinidadchick....yes, I bit the bullet and filed back in February. Still not final yet though but getting closer.


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## trinidadchick

I am so happy for you! LOL. now we did try to do MC but i had to let it go man. And I'm engaged to a guy who also ended a 27yr marriage. Same symptoms as us. as for dating, i sucked at it, also. but it will get better. make up some excuse to go back in there and see her, man!!!


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## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l know it just sounds like desperate but l can't shake that chick with the beach house l accidentally met only a few mths out. lt was a rarity being so soon and yet it the attraction and way we just hit it off.


If your chemistry was that off the charts, my advice is to reach out to her again. Maybe her "issues" have subsided. You didn't go into detail about what they were, so I am nosy--what were they? Anyway, if you like her, ask her out for a bite to eat/drinks.  Might as well start somewhere, right?



RandomDude said:


> Well, one doesn't have to be a chaser to seduce
> 
> One can still entice a man to make a move, or at the very least make him go crazy thinking about you if he doesn't lol


How?



2galsmom said:


> Jellybeans, I missed your post! The drama and the dilemma, ask the males all you want BUT in my experience if they want to call you, they call you. If they do not want to call you, they do not.
> 
> Now before I advise you to say, "Good bye Mr. It has been two weeks with no call," I will ask this . . .
> 
> Did you EVER call him? Was he doing ALL the work?


This is usually the school I ascribe to thinking, too, 2gals. 

He planned out the first date. I invited him out the second time. Both dates were very long and I thought we got on well. He did seem a little timid, respectful. At end of second date, he hugged me really closely (ooh la la) and I kissed him goodbye on the lips. He said he hoped to seem me again... soon. And I told him "Yes. Let me know." Well it's been two weeks and I haven't called/texted him and he hasn't called/texted me either. I figured, again that if i told him to let me know, that he would. It just seems odd, you know? We went on really long dates. He's older, 14 yrs older than me and I was wondering if he thinks I'm too young? (I'm 32 and he's 46). Idk. 



thunderstruck said:


> I think you should take the lead and ask him out. Countless reasons for why he isn't making a move. Was he overly shy? Guys can be pretty freakin clueless with picking up signals from women. Maybe he felt a lack of interest coming from you, even though you gave him a few touches.
> 
> I've had more one women tell me...later - "Couldn't you tell that I liked you?" :scratchhead:


So glad you are in this thread, Thunder, cause you always give me solid advice. Read the above. He did seem a little shy/quiet. When I went to touch his arms, he didn't touch me back but it's like he didn't want out date to end the last time, he just sat there talking to me, not making a move to leave. I thought I came off as interested, hell I kissed him on the lips goodbye.


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## BeachGuy

Has my thread been hijacked??? LOL.

:rofl:


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## BeachGuy

trinidadchick said:


> I am so happy for you! LOL. now we did try to do MC but i had to let it go man. And I'm engaged to a guy who also ended a 27yr marriage. Same symptoms as us. as for dating, i sucked at it, also. but it will get better. make up some excuse to go back in there and see her, man!!!


I'm sure I'll get slapped with a man-card violation but I've decided it's not the best idea. One, I'm still married. Two, if I did stop by there's a 99% chance she'd be in the back with a mask and gloves on working on someone or assisting the dentist and I'd end up sitting in the lobby for an hour waiting. So nah...I'll just wait until my next visit and hit her up for sure then. By that time I'll be free and single and living alone.


----------



## trinidadchick

BeachGuy said:


> I'm sure I'll get slapped with a man-card violation but I've decided it's not the best idea. One, I'm still married. Two, if I did stop by there's a 99% chance she'd be in the back with a mask and gloves on working on someone or assisting the dentist and I'd end up sitting in the lobby for an hour waiting. So nah...I'll just wait until my next visit and hit her up for sure then. By that time I'll be free and single and living alone.


I was poor and the marriage was 9yrs so you know my divorce was a wrap in 3mths. Some days I still have guilt! but nothing beats what you can potentially find and nothing beats what my ex husband can find. my dates were so bad beach guy. so bad. ALL. i had no idea how to properly approach men, no idea what to do or how to date, express interest.


----------



## thunderstruck

Jellybeans said:


> He's older, 14 yrs older than me and I was wondering if he thinks I'm too young? (I'm 32 and he's 46). Idk.


I doubt it, b/c I assume he knew your age (range) before the first date. I'm 46...32 is not too young for a 3rd date.

Too bad you posted that I give solid advice, b/c I'm going to say IDK on this one. :scratchhead: My guess would be that he found someone else he clicked with, and/or he got back with an ex. Or, maybe he's still shell shocked from a previous relationship, and your moves, even though they were minor, caused him to back off?

In your shoes, I'd go with one last short msg along the lines of - "How's it going?"


----------



## Jellybeans

Leave it to me that finds a situation that confuses us all. 

I am chuckling over here since usually I'm the one giving advice.


----------



## trinidadchick

thunderstruck said:


> I doubt it, b/c I assume he knew your age (range) before the first date. I'm 46...32 is not too young for a 3rd date.
> 
> Too bad you posted that I give solid advice, b/c I'm going to say IDK on this one. :scratchhead: My guess would be that he found someone else he clicked with, and/or he got back with an ex. Or, maybe he's still shell shocked from a previous relationship, and your moves, even though they were minor, caused him to back off?
> 
> In your shoes, I'd go with one last short msg along the lines of - "How's it going?"


lol. my fiance is 50. I'm 28. and he had ducked out on the 4th date because people in public stared at us; interracial, that wide age gap, his baggage, and mine. then he got over it. i agree with all the possible options. Ur dude has some reservation but we don't know yet what it is!


----------



## thunderstruck

Jellybeans said:


> Leave it to me that finds a situation that confuses us all.
> 
> I am chuckling over here sine usually I'm the one giving advice.


Maybe you should stop messing around with old guys.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I have never been out w/ someone this much older. Mostly everyone I have dated has been in my age range.


----------



## thunderstruck

trinidadchick said:


> ...people in public stared at us; *interracial*, that wide age gap, his baggage, and mine.


Tough one. I was in an interracial relationship for a few months in college. I saw the stares and heard the mumbling. FN idiots.


----------



## PBear

JB, on my first date with my SO, we started off with drinks in the lounge of a nice restaurant. That changed into dinner, because we idnt want to say good bye. After dinners d I was getting ready to pay the bill, she said "Wanna go down to my truck an make out?"

That was a pretty good sign to me that she wanted more than a kiss on the cheek goodnight.. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## trinidadchick

thunderstruck said:


> Tough one. I was in an interracial relationship for a few months in college. I saw the stares and heard the mumbling. FN idiots.


Ours was bad at 1st too! LOL. And, well, uh, he ain't exactly a spring chicken either. I believed I was once asked if I was an escort.


----------



## Jellybeans

trinidadchick said:


> I believed I was once asked if I was an escort.


Oh wow. I'd be offended. WTF.


----------



## trinidadchick

Jellybeans said:


> Oh wow. I'd be offended. WTF.


I was a big baby, for real. I cried. I was very offended. Now I'm a lot stronger. But iz da mid-west. you know the mid-west and small town mentality. or human mentality!


----------



## thunderstruck

PBear said:


> "Wanna go down to my truck an make out?"
> 
> That was a pretty good sign to me that she wanted more than a kiss on the cheek goodnight..


And sometimes you get this...I received zero signs of interest from a woman years ago on dates 1-2. I went in for a kiss at the end of date 2 and she backed off. As I drove away, I told myself, "Take a hint, dumbazz." I didn't call. She did, a few days later, and asked to meet. We met, and I told her I didn't think she was interested after she asked why I hadn't called. She couldn't keep her hands off me the rest of the night.

Lesson learned. Some people knowingly play games. Some, I guess, maybe don't even realize how they are coming off on dates.

Either way, when you find yourself doing this - :scratchhead:, IMHO it's best to cut through the BS by being direct with the other person.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well Thunder, her behavior was confusing. She backed off when you tried to kiss her and then later said she was into you. Contradictions. Ah well though you are right--DIRECT approach is BEST!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> If your chemistry was that off the charts, my advice is to reach out to her again. Maybe her "issues" have subsided. You didn't go into detail about what they were, so I am nosy--what were they? Anyway, if you like her, ask her out for a bite to eat/drinks.  Might as well start somewhere, right?
> 
> 
> Oh Jelly , that's gonna be a complicated story about 2 pages long so l'll have to come back for it and who knows , maybe we nut it out hey.
> 
> But Jelly , on you , didn't l read somewhere you and h are only 5mths out and maybe not even out anyway, or did l gt that wrong ?


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Oh Jelly , that's gonna be a complicated story about 2 pages long so l'll have to come back for it and who knows , maybe we nut it out hey.



Cliff's Notes? Anything can be surmised in 3-5 sentences. 



whitehawk said:


> But Jelly , on you , didn't l read somewhere you and h are only 5mths out and maybe not even out anyway, or did l gt that wrong ?.


Must have confused me with someone else (it's easy too with so many stories/divorces/separations around here). My divorce was 2.5 yrs ago, separation was 4 years ago.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Cliff's Notes? Anything can be surmised in 3-5 sentences.
> 
> 
> 
> Must have confused me with someone else (it's easy too with so many stories/divorces/separations around here). My divorce was 2.5 yrs ago, separation was 4 years ago.



Uh hu, not to worry. Ok you ready :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Ready.


----------



## whitehawk

We'd separated 6wks before. l was a mess but , had to keep working and went out to pick up this new job. Went to the wrong house , had the number wrong . M answered the door , l didn't mind we lived up the rd from her for two yrs , she was a cutie and here l was now separated.
As l knew we would , we hit it off right in the doorway and ended up upstairs taking till 5am, she's got a 2story beach house x paid her of with , cooooollll !
She was just like me , couldn't give a fk about rules, the bs in life , she stays up all night , lives in the lounge on the sofa , 6 b/rs . loves a few joints , drink or two, we smoked dope and drank and talked and cuddled all nighters up there for 6wks. She'd been to hell and back with x. They split when she walked into her own bedroom and x doggy with her best friend. X went crazy on her, through her out , shacked up with friend , wouldn't give her any money or let her near her kids , 4yrs and she was still a mess.He was powerful , nothing she could do, tried though lots and he just kept squashing her like a bug.
She moved down the coast , x gave her the beach house to fk her off. Great looking girl living alone though, even man and his dog had tried to chat her up.
We talked about all her stuff , lots , mine, she was gentle , caring , beautiful too but she'd had a lot of fights with locals , mainly due to also being fiery and copping crap because she was a great looking girl living alone.
She was really worried about being used , me on the rebound , yet we spent far more time on her stuff than mine , l was careful of that and as much as we had instantly l wasn't jumping into anything right off , but l knew too we were a one off , like a gift .
We;d had the most beautiful times, the only thing ever as good was with my x and our first 12mths.
but so one night l ring because l was suppose to be coming over , but she went a bit nuts. Saying l was using her, she wasn't gonna be a door mat ra ra. 20 mins , i couldn't get a word in and l was still a mess and hung up. l knew deep down she was really worried about all that and this is why people , we get our heads and [email protected] straight first or you risk destroying the next best thing.
l gave her a wk , l had to think , l was still all upset from mine , her .
Then l called her , she said oh hawk l'm so so glad you called , we can do Christmas , we'll have a ball , l'm sorry l went off it's just ,,, but then she got wound up again and took off , again.
She'd just been chased , wrecked by x , a victim of her good looks to really living in that beach house alone.
She yelled l'm the only one she's opened upto since all x happened, the only one she's ever let in , given her number to , l knew all this but she got even more wound up , 15mins later l had to hang up again. l wasn't upto this. She wasn't like that in person. l know she was scared and had really been messed up , a few days break and her minds got away from her.
She was so beautiful in person , she sang for me , she had two cds out , cooked beautiful pizza , we talked and danced and cuddled night after night , then these calls.
So l haven't seen her since . l just haven't been upto dealing with the bad side .
nothng like this ever happened in person , we were like , well just peace , it was so weird to get this ph stuff.
lf she would've calmed down again long enough for me to get over there , l could've cuddled her and told her everything will be ok , l don't wanna hurt her or use her , but we just couldn't get there l just had to get off that phone.

l would've just gone over but the way she was on the phone l didn't know what the hell l could get.

So that was that.
l've hoped she might see and call calmed down , but nothing.


----------



## whitehawk

There's also been x and me stuff goin on in the background and it's my family so l've held out for a maybe R.

But l've thought about M too , missed her , seens x doesn't look too promising and she seeing om . No clue how real that one is but, maybe this is my life now so !


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Whoa. Head-spinning drama. Sounds like someone cool to hang with for a bit but not for a LTR. My guess is she'd be constantly afraid of you cheating or deceiving her somehow. It almost sounds like she needs meds. The legal kind.

My ex dated/was engaged to a model before me and told me that beautiful women were so insecure and more difficult to deal with. (Was that supposed to be comforting to me, I wonder?) Said he'd rather have a girl next door like me. I'm the Mary Anne, not the Ginger. Always admired the Gingers of the world. As the years have gone by I'm definitely happier being Mary Anne.


----------



## thunderstruck

EnjoliWoman said:


> My ex dated/was engaged to a model before me and told me that beautiful women were so insecure and more difficult to deal with. (Was that supposed to be comforting to me, I wonder?) Said he'd rather have a girl next door like me. I'm the Mary Anne, not the Ginger. Always admired the Gingers of the world. As the years have gone by I'm definitely happier being Mary Anne.


That was my experience - the gorgeous ones I dated had very low self-esteem and were heavy on the drama. If I was back out there, I'd RLH from the Gingers.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Whoa. Head-spinning drama. Sounds like someone cool to hang with for a bit but not for a LTR. My guess is she'd be constantly afraid of you cheating or deceiving her somehow. It almost sounds like she needs meds. The legal kind.
> 
> My ex dated/was engaged to a model before me and told me that beautiful women were so insecure and more difficult to deal with. (Was that supposed to be comforting to me, I wonder?) Said he'd rather have a girl next door like me. I'm the Mary Anne, not the Ginger. Always admired the Gingers of the world. As the years have gone by I'm definitely happier being Mary Anne.



Ha ha Enjoli , nothin wrong with Maryanne AT ALL , don't ever bother with that one l'd take her any day.
M was like a Maryanne in a Monroe Shell.
Think l got that spelling wrong . Anyway , she hated her looks , she was a one man girl , they were a curse to her .
No ones ever happy with their lot hey :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Whitehawk: it seems like she is still reeling from her past. There is no need for her to be going off on you though. Unacceptable. I bet she would make a good lover though. LOL. Maybe you could give her some time to calm down and then reach out to her saying you are thinking about her.

Beach house, booze, hot chick, pizza, singing... um I want to date her. She sounds cool, even if a little hurt by her past ex a$$hole.


----------



## Pbartender

whitehawk said:


> We'd separated 6wks before. l was a mess but , had to keep working and went out to pick up this new job. Went to the wrong house , had the number wrong . M answered the door , l didn't mind we lived up the rd from her for two yrs , she was a cutie and here l was now separated.
> As l knew we would , we hit it off right in the doorway and ended up upstairs taking till 5am, she's got a 2story beach house x paid her of with , cooooollll !
> 
> She was just like me , couldn't give a fk about rules, the bs in life , she stays up all night , lives in the lounge on the sofa , 6 b/rs . loves a few joints , drink or two, we smoked dope and drank and talked and cuddled all nighters up there for 6wks. *She'd been to hell and back with x. They split when she walked into her own bedroom and x doggy with her best friend. X went crazy on her, through her out , shacked up with friend , wouldn't give her any money or let her near her kids , 4yrs and she was still a mess.He was powerful , nothing she could do, tried though lots and he just kept squashing her like a bug.*
> 
> She moved down the coast , x gave her the beach house to fk her off. Great looking girl living alone though, even man and his dog had tried to chat her up.
> 
> We talked about all her stuff , lots , mine, *she was gentle , caring , beautiful too but she'd had a lot of fights with locals , mainly due to also being fiery and copping crap because she was a great looking girl living alone.*
> 
> She was really worried about being used , me on the rebound , yet we spent far more time on her stuff than mine , l was careful of that and as much as we had instantly l wasn't jumping into anything right off , but l knew too we were a one off , like a gift .
> 
> We;d had the most beautiful times, the only thing ever as good was with my x and our first 12mths.
> 
> *but so one night l ring because l was suppose to be coming over , but she went a bit nuts. Saying l was using her, she wasn't gonna be a door mat ra ra. 20 mins , i couldn't get a word in and l was still a mess and hung up. l knew deep down she was really worried about all that and this is why people , we get our heads and [email protected] straight first or you risk destroying the next best thing.*
> 
> l gave her a wk , l had to think , l was still all upset from mine , her .
> 
> *Then l called her , she said oh hawk l'm so so glad you called , we can do Christmas , we'll have a ball , l'm sorry l went off it's just ,,, but then she got wound up again and took off , again.
> 
> She'd just been chased , wrecked by x , a victim of her good looks to really living in that beach house alone.
> 
> She yelled l'm the only one she's opened upto since all x happened, the only one she's ever let in , given her number to ,* l knew all this but she got even more wound up , 15mins later l had to hang up again. l wasn't upto this. *She wasn't like that in person. l know she was scared and had really been messed up , a few days break and her minds got away from her.*
> 
> She was so beautiful in person , she sang for me , she had two cds out , cooked beautiful pizza , we talked and danced and cuddled night after night , then these calls.
> 
> So l haven't seen her since . l just haven't been upto dealing with the bad side .
> 
> nothng like this ever happened in person , we were like , well just peace , it was so weird to get this ph stuff.
> *lf she would've calmed down again long enough for me to get over there , l could've cuddled her and told her everything will be ok , l don't wanna hurt her or use her* , but we just couldn't get there l just had to get off that phone.
> 
> l would've just gone over but the way she was on the phone l didn't know what the hell l could get.
> 
> So that was that.
> 
> l've hoped she might see and call calmed down , but nothing.


Do you feel the need to "save" her? To "fix" her?


----------



## angelpixie

Exactly what I was thinking. Just reading this was tying my stomach in knots. Damsel-in-distress, 'hawk. You wanted to tell her everything will be OK. How can you guarantee that for _her_ life? Why do you think you should guarantee that for _her_ life? What is _she_ doing to work on _her_ life? Even if she did call you up all 'calmed down,' how long would that last? You had times before when she was OK, then the next contact she'd be nuts. How would you know that she wasn't just on the calm part of a cycle of crazy for that moment?


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Do you feel the need to "save" her? To "fix" her?



Nahh , but she'd have to get a grip wouldn't she l guess so that we could move on.


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> Exactly what I was thinking. Just reading this was tying my stomach in knots. Damsel-in-distress, 'hawk. You wanted to tell her everything will be OK. How can you guarantee that for _her_ life? Why do you think you should guarantee that for _her_ life? What is _she_ doing to work on _her_ life? Even if she did call you up all 'calmed down,' how long would that last? You had times before when she was OK, then the next contact she'd be nuts. How would you know that she wasn't just on the calm part of a cycle of crazy for that moment?



Hey Angel , the only answers l can come up with are , l don't know , l don't know and - l don't know 

So do you think she would come good in a trusting relationship over time ?
The only clue , both calls were after not seeing her 4 or 5 days.
They were the only 2 times ever we weren't seeing each other every day and the only two times she went nuts.
Maybe the time alone to think , worry l wouldn't come back !


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Whitehawk: it seems like she is still reeling from her past. There is no need for her to be going off on you though. Unacceptable. I bet she would make a good lover though. LOL. Maybe you could give her some time to calm down and then reach out to her saying you are thinking about her.
> 
> Beach house, booze, hot chick, pizza, singing... um I want to date her. She sounds cool, even if a little hurt by her past ex a$$hole.



Can't kiss and tell can l JB but yep  . And yeah l hoped the time thing too, dunno !
Her pizzas weren't no ordinary pizzas either, true traditional home made Italian pizza , passed down .


----------



## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> Hey Angel , the only answers l can come up with are , l don't know , l don't know and - l don't know
> 
> So do you think she would come good in a trusting relationship over time ?


Truthfully? No. It will take more than time for her to become good relationship material. You said it yourself: 

*l knew deep down she was really worried about all that and this is why people , we get our heads and [email protected] straight first or you risk destroying the next best thing.

*When you have evidence that she's been in therapy (and I'd want to know she wasn't hitting the alcohol and/or drugs on a regular basis -- self-medicating is never a good idea over the long-term) and working on her issues, that's one thing. Right now, it doesn't seem that she has. Crazy doesn't respect looks, money, beach house, etc. Anyone can be crazy, and it doesn't just 'go away'. I don't know why you'd want to set yourself up for that, 'hawk. 





whitehawk said:


> The only clue , both calls were after not seeing her 4 or 5 days.
> They were the only 2 times ever we weren't seeing each other every day and the only two times she went nuts.
> Maybe the time alone to think , worry l wouldn't come back !


And she handled that fear of you abandoning her by going nuts on you? HUMUNGOUS RED FLAG :redcard:


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> Truthfully? No. It will take more than time for her to become good relationship material. You said it yourself:
> 
> *l knew deep down she was really worried about all that and this is why people , we get our heads and [email protected] straight first or you risk destroying the next best thing.
> 
> *When you have evidence that she's been in therapy (and I'd want to know she wasn't hitting the alcohol and/or drugs on a regular basis -- self-medicating is never a good idea over the long-term) and working on her issues, that's one thing. Right now, it doesn't seem that she has. Crazy doesn't respect looks, money, beach house, etc. Anyone can be crazy, and it doesn't just 'go away'. I don't know why you'd want to set yourself up for that, 'hawk.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And she handled that fear of you abandoning her by going nuts on you? HUMUNGOUS RED FLAG :redcard:



Yeah true . lf it was just some girl no way but l was lucky enough to already meet one one off in my lifetime with x but here was a second . Most people never find one really , that's why everyone use to just stare at me and x.
So it's not looks or any one thing , you don't instantly get all that with just anyone .
Of course , ya can be wrong but hey if you don't stick around to find out, well .

Trouble is for me , this yr of sep has been the hardest yr of my life , l'm still in no shape to cope if we got involved again and that side of her got worse. lt could easily with someone like that , sometimes what she went through could just wreck a person couldn't it. Have seen that in people.


----------



## whitehawk

Oops , where's our OP . Sorry buddy , think we sidetracked your thread .
It's all AngelP's fault


----------



## MSC71

*Re: Re: I think I just blew a great opportunity to make a date*



BeachGuy said:


> I'm sure I'll get slapped with a man-card violation but I've decided it's not the best idea. One, I'm still married. Two, if I did stop by there's a 99% chance she'd be in the back with a mask and gloves on working on someone or assisting the dentist and I'd end up sitting in the lobby for an hour waiting. So nah...I'll just wait until my next visit and hit her up for sure then. By that time I'll be free and single and living alone.


She will be with someone else by then.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Yeah true . lf it was just some girl no way *but l was lucky enough to already meet one one off in my lifetime with x but here was a second . Most people never find one really *, that's why everyone use to just stare at me and x.


I feel you. 100% I this post resonates with me.

If I never meet anyone again and have a big serious relationship with them, then it's ok because I already had a big love in my life (even if it didn't last). 

I feel at peace with this and happy I got to experience it.


----------



## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> Oops , where's our OP . Sorry buddy , think we sidetracked your thread .
> It's all AngelP's fault


Whaaaaa?  :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

We've all had a hand in the hi-jacking of this thread.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey Angel , you know that was joking right ??
Couldn't resist a stir :lol:


----------



## whitehawk

Anyway OP , l was reading what you said about what'd happen if you did just go in looking for her and l agree. Well for me l know anyway , that if l did that it would backfire big time for sure and blow up in my face 

ps , once l we use to go from work to buy lunch , there were about 10 girls serving there.
One l really liked and spent mths plucking up the courage to ask her out next lunchtime.
Today was gonna be the day , no matter what.
So in we go , my God there must've been 50 people buying lunch.
l'm doing this no matter what , l just wanna be put out of my misery by now.
50 customers , the girls running everywhere serving , mine races up and l just blurted it out , so awkwardly , so loud , the whole place went silent.
All the preparing food noises , customer voices , all the girls yelling orders - nothing.
She looked at me and giggled , sorry l'm married and the whole place started laughing and cheering me. Youch.
l had to buy lunch there for another 6mths yet after that .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I feel you. 100% I this post resonates with me.
> 
> If I never meet anyone again and have a big serious relationship with them, then it's ok because I already had a big love in my life (even if it didn't last).
> 
> I feel at peace with this and happy I got to experience it.



Thanks JB and the same from me. Sorry it didn't work out for you.
Sometimes l think too well , if nothing else happens l was still luckier than most and for a lot of years.
l hope it doesn't go that way but , never the less


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Sometimes l think too well , if nothing else happens l was still luckier than most and for a lot of years.


:iagree: I feel the same.


----------



## BeachGuy

Jellybeans said:


> We've all had a hand in the hi-jacking of this thread.


I feel so violated.


----------



## BeachGuy

whitehawk said:


> Anyway OP , l was reading what you said about what'd happen if you did just go in looking for her and l agree. Well for me l know anyway , that if l did that it would backfire big time for sure and blow up in my face
> 
> She looked at me and giggled , sorry l'm married and the whole place started laughing and cheering me. Youch.
> l had to buy lunch there for another 6mths yet after that .


Aw man! Bummer! I know where you're coming from though. Some guys can just do it anytime anywhere and there's us who think it to death. I just need to learn to recognize these opportunities WHEN THEY ARE HAPPENING and strike instead of regretting it later. Chalk it up to experience.

Like the great one said...you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.


----------



## Jellybeans

BeachGuy--don't regret that you didn't make a move. Practice makes perfect so next time, just go for it. It's a learning process.


----------



## whitehawk

BeachGuy said:


> Aw man! Bummer! I know where you're coming from though. Some guys can just do it anytime anywhere and there's us who think it to death. I just need to learn to recognize these opportunities WHEN THEY ARE HAPPENING and strike instead of regretting it later. Chalk it up to experience.
> 
> Like the great one said...you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.


Yeah for sure!
But hey most catch you way of guard to don't they ? Chicks pick the strangest situations to flirt , like who'd expect it at the dentist 
All l' thinking about's pain when l walk into the dentist  cute assistants might help though :rofl:


----------



## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> It's been almost two weeks now and I have not heard from him. But I also have not reached out to him either. At the end of the date he said he hoped to see me again soon and I told him Yes and to let me know. But he hasn't reached out to me... (I invited him out last time and it would be nice if he reached out this time). So I am thinking he's not into it but at the same time my ego is a little bruised cause I am attracted to him. And our dates lasted so long so I thought he liked me. I haven't been attracted to a man like that in awhile.
> 
> I guess I am confused.
> 
> What do you guys think?



Sounds like he's just not that into you. A guy that likes you wouldn't wait so long to call. You could try being direct but assuming that was the problem don't you think it would be a turnoff if he was so insecure YOU had to lead him?


----------



## COguy

thunderstruck said:


> And sometimes you get this...I received zero signs of interest from a woman years ago on dates 1-2. I went in for a kiss at the end of date 2 and she backed off. As I drove away, I told myself, "Take a hint, dumbazz." I didn't call. She did, a few days later, and asked to meet. We met, and I told her I didn't think she was interested after she asked why I hadn't called. She couldn't keep her hands off me the rest of the night.
> 
> Lesson learned. Some people knowingly play games. Some, I guess, maybe don't even realize how they are coming off on dates.
> 
> Either way, when you find yourself doing this - :scratchhead:, IMHO it's best to cut through the BS by being direct with the other person.



Sounds like a real mind f*. I'd pass...

"I don't want to kiss him. Oh wait, he's not calling, LET ME RUB ALL OVER HIM UNTIL HE WANTS ME AGAIN!"


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## COguy

BeachGuy said:


> I'm sure I'll get slapped with a man-card violation but I've decided it's not the best idea. One, I'm still married. Two, if I did stop by there's a 99% chance she'd be in the back with a mask and gloves on working on someone or assisting the dentist and I'd end up sitting in the lobby for an hour waiting. So nah...I'll just wait until my next visit and hit her up for sure then. By that time I'll be free and single and living alone.


Learn the lesson. If you have a positive interaction with a female and you want to ask her out, seal the deal while you have the opportunity. It's so much more complicated and awkward to go back after the fact to try and ask someone out. Love favors the bold, strike while the getting is good.


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## Jellybeans

COguy said:


> Sounds like a real mind f*. I'd pass...
> 
> "I don't want to kiss him. Oh wait, he's not calling, LET ME RUB ALL OVER HIM UNTIL HE WANTS ME AGAIN!"


Agreed. What she did was stupid. And confusing.



COguy said:


> Sounds like he's just not that into you. A guy that likes you wouldn't wait so long to call. You could try being direct but assuming that was the problem don't you think it would be a turnoff if he was so insecure YOU had to lead him?


Yes and yes. That is what I figured. Generally if a guy is into me, he calls. Lol. So yeah, it sucks feeling like he's not that into me but it's better to know sooner rather than later. My annoyance is more w/ the why do some folks say they want to see you again and soon and then just not follow up? Just be honest. If you aren't into it, say it. You know? If I am out with someone and don't feel it, I just let them know instead of giving false hope or saying something I do not mean. Your word is your bond (with me, anyway).

Dating...


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## angelpixie

That book I mentioned before took up this exact question. The author asked a slew of guys why they tell a woman they want to see her again, and then never follow through. There were a variety of answer that ranged from "At the time I said it, I really _did_ want to see her again, then I got busy, time went by and I forgot, then I felt stupid about contacting again after all that time, so I didn't" to "I said it because it's what a woman expects you to say. I mean it would be rude to just not say it at all" to "I thought I did, but then I thought more about the date, and realized I wasn't that into her after all." The author's advise was to treat "I'll call you" or "I'd like to see you again" as more of a throw-away line from the get-go. That way, you don't waste time wondering when the call or text will come, then wondering why you didn't get one. It's difficult if you really did enjoy the date and were into the guy, but detachment at the beginning seems to be the best way to save sanity, lol.


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## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> That book I mentioned before took up this exact question. The author asked a slew of guys why they tell a woman they want to see her again, and then never follow through. There were a variety of answer that ranged from "At the time I said it, I really _did_ want to see her again, then I got busy, time went by and I forgot, then I felt stupid about contacting again after all that time, so I didn't" to "I said it because it's what a woman expects you to say. I mean it would be rude to just not say it at all" to "I thought I did, but then I thought more about the date, and realized I wasn't that into her after all." The author's advise was to treat "I'll call you" or "I'd like to see you again" as more of a throw-away line from the get-go. That way, you don't waste time wondering when the call or text will come, then wondering why you didn't get one. It's difficult if you really did enjoy the date and were into the guy, but detachment at the beginning seems to be the best way to save sanity, lol.


Yeah it's better not to get invested but to me, I tend to believe people when they say something like that after spending a long time together. I said, mean what you say. To me, it speaks more to their character if someone says they are going to do something and not follow up with it. Ya know? But that is also because I am VERY clear about what I feel/like/enjoy/detest/hate. Lol. I like people being straight with me.

Sure, it's all a luck of the draw, as Thunder says, but then I start thinking about how long it took me to get ready, blow my hair out, take time to plan, take time out of my schedule and it ends up being annoying. Lol. But also again. I rarely ever go out with a man unless I feel some kind of attraction. And I would prob never go out with a man a second, third time if I didn't feel it. Just not how I roll.

With that said, better to know early on.


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## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed. What she did was stupid. And confusing.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes and yes. That is what I figured. Generally if a guy is into me, he calls. Lol. So yeah, it sucks feeling like he's not that into me but it's better to know sooner rather than later. My annoyance is more w/ the why do some folks say they want to see you again and soon and then just not follow up? Just be honest. If you aren't into it, say it. You know? If I am out with someone and don't feel it, I just let them know instead of giving false hope or saying something I do not mean. Your word is your bond (with me, anyway).
> 
> Dating...


I think it's too easy to agree with someone if they say, "We should go out again sometime." Even if you have no intentions. If I have no second date intentions I never say, "I will call you" or "we should go out again", BUT if she said "You should call me" or "Let's do this again", I would probably say "OK..." before outright telling her off.

That being said, maybe I'll try that if/when I go out on dates again.

But while we're on the topic what's with all these date-haters? Dating is fun. You get to meet new people, see what they're like, have fun and new adventures. If you're not having fun when you go out you're not doing it right.


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## Jellybeans

COguy said:


> I think it's too easy to agree with someone if they say, "We should go out again sometime." Even if you have no intentions. If I have no second date intentions I never say, "I will call you" or "we should go out again", BUT if she said "You should call me" or "Let's do this again", I would probably say "OK..." before outright telling her off.


Why would you tell her off? Confused.

Eh, dating isn't for everyone, I guess.

It could be fun. But sometimes it sucks. 

My advice is to just be honest with the women you date, Co. If you're not feeling it, don't say you will call her and/or want to see her again.


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## thunderstruck

COguy said:


> BUT if she said "You should call me" or "Let's do this again", I would probably say "OK..."


I have to admit that I generally did this as well back in my dating days, even when I had no intention of calling again. If I ever get back in the dating world, I'd be more direct about it.


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## Jellybeans

thunderstruck said:


> I have to admit that I generally did this as well back in my dating days, even when I had no intention of calling again. If I ever get back in the dating world, *I'd be more direct about it.*


On behalf of all women, GOOD/we would commend you. LOL.


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## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> Why would you tell her off? Confused.
> 
> Eh, dating isn't for everyone, I guess.
> 
> It could be fun. But sometimes it sucks.
> 
> My advice is to just be honest with the women you date, Co. If you're not feeling it, don't say you will call her and/or want to see her again.


How I usually ended a date I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing again was by saying, "It was nice talking with you, I enjoyed our time" brief hug or hand shake, and then walk away.

If she said we should do it again after that, I would just casually reciprocate. I'm not really sure how to respond honestly without completely shutting it down.

"We should do it again sometime"
-"I have no interest in ever seeing you again"
-"I won't ever call you"
-"You weren't interesting enough to even hang out as friends"
-"I'm too busy to add new people to my life, unless I want to have sex with them"

Those would be honest responses........

In all other areas I would say I am brutally honest. Probably to a fault.


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## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Just be honest. If you aren't into it, say it. You know? If I am out with someone and don't feel it, I just let them know instead of giving false hope or saying something I do not mean.


So, out of curiosity, when you let them know that you're not interested, how do you go about doing it?

I think what it comes down to is this: Very often two people will go out on a date. They're both nice people -- there's really nothing wrong with either of them, they both genuinely had fun on the date -- but they're just not "right" for each other when it comes to any kind of long-term relationship. Usually, one of the two people will realize it first. They want to break it off, but how do you do that without leaving the other person feeling, at least, not bad about it?

That's not an easy thing to do.

So, most people simply sign off at the end of the date with vague but non-committal suggestions to maintain contact... and then don't. That way, the break-off is a passive neglect, which to the perpetrator always seems slightly "nicer" than a direct denial, even though it really isn't.

It's not just dating, either... I've seen this happen all the time with ordinary friends... especially lately.


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## ThreeStrikes

Politeness and tact trump honesty.

She'll get the message when you don't call/text her again.


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## thunderstruck

ThreeStrikes said:


> Politeness and tact trump honesty.
> She'll get the message when you don't call/text her again.


I can see that after date #1. 

In JB's case, after two "long" dates, and the dude telling her he'd like to see her again soon...seems like he could have done better than just cutting contact.


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## angelpixie

COguy said:


> How I usually ended a date I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing again was by saying, "It was nice talking with you, I enjoyed our time" brief hug or hand shake, and then walk away.
> 
> If she said we should do it again after that, I would just casually reciprocate. I'm not really sure how to respond honestly without completely shutting it down.
> 
> "We should do it again sometime"
> -"I have no interest in ever seeing you again"
> -"I won't ever call you"
> -"You weren't interesting enough to even hang out as friends"
> -"I'm too busy to add new people to my life, unless I want to have sex with them"
> 
> Those would be honest responses........
> 
> In all other areas I would say I am brutally honest. Probably to a fault.


There really isn't anything to say that doesn't sound awful, you're right. That's why this author suggested just not reading too much into it. Sort of like 'See you later.' Are we always really going to see someone later each time we say it? Probably not.


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## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> So, out of curiosity, when you let them know that you're not interested, how do you go about doing it?


_"I had a nice time tonight but I like to be honest with people and I am really not feeling any chemistry between us..."_

or

_I am sorry but I am really not ready for dating..._

I prefer the first though because it's straight up honest (and also straight from the Jellybeans handbook of dating). 



OH hnd I would never go out with someone again if I felt we weren't going to jive. I don't like to waste my time or other peoples' time. I have a lot of hair and it takes forever to do/get ready/blow my hair out. 



COguy said:


> How I usually ended a date I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing again was by saying, "It was nice talking with you, I enjoyed our time" brief hug or hand shake, and then walk away.


So would you tell her you wanted to see her again? If you didn't want to? This is why dating is damn confusing. 



COguy said:


> -"I have no interest in ever seeing you again"
> -"I won't ever call you"
> -"You weren't interesting enough to even hang out as friends"
> -"I'm too busy to add new people to my life, unless I want to have sex with them"
> .


I think those are all mean/cruel ways of handling it. There is a way to be straightforward without sounding offside.


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## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> It's not just dating, either... I've seen this happen all the time with ordinary friends... especially lately.


Damn those friends! At least you have us TAM'ers.


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## Jellybeans

ThreeStrikes said:


> Politeness and tact trump honesty.
> 
> She'll get the message when you don't call/text her again.


I disagree, respectfully. Anyone who thinks that being dishonest and blanking someone is better than just straightforward is not someone I would want to date.


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## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> So would you tell her you wanted to see her again? If you didn't want to? This is why dating is damn confusing.


I would never *initiate* saying that I wanted to see her again, but I would probably respond affirmatively if she said, "We should see eachother again". By saying "sure" or "OK" unenthusiastically, and then never speaking to her again.

I could totally see someone else saying that though, just as a way to avoid the awkwardness of saying goodbye to someone that you didn't connect with without making them feel bad (as dumb as that may be).

So I agree with Angel, I wouldn't put any trust in a guy until he actually calls you again. And if he doesn't, I would assume he doesn't like you very much.

For sure, if a guy is really into you, he would never not contact you again. So if there is no followup after a week, I think you're safe to consider it done, short of extenuating circumstances.


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## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> This is why dating is damn confusing.


Guys are not complicated creatures. We are laughable in our simplicity.

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: 9781416909774: Amazon.com: Books

"as Behrendt sensibly puts it, 'if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.' "


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## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> I disagree, respectfully. Anyone who thinks that being dishonest and blanking someone is better than just straightforward is not someone I would want to date.


JB and I could join the brutal honesty club


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## ThreeStrikes

Jellybeans said:


> I disagree, respectfully. Anyone who thinks that being dishonest and blanking someone is better than just straightforward is not someone I would want to date.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's better to be tactfully polite than brutally honest. 

I mean, I'm not going to leave a first meet-up/date with "Hey, I'm not going to date you because your a$$ is too big, and you talk way too much about politics".

I'd prefer something like "Nice meeting you. Perhaps we'll do it again". Handshake, bye.


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## thunderstruck

There's always the George Costanza route - "I had fun, but I won't call you again. *It's not you. It's me*."



ThreeStrikes said:


> I mean, I'm not going to leave a first meet-up/date with "Hey, I'm not going to date you because your a$$ is too big, and you talk way too much about politics".


That would be a fun thread - share the most brutal ways in which somebody NEXT'd your azz.


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## Jellybeans

COguy said:


> I would never *initiate* saying that I wanted to see her again



And that is precisely what I was pointing out. I would never tell or initiate telling someone I wanted to see them again if I didn't want to. 



COguy said:


> So I agree with Angel, I wouldn't put any trust in a guy until he actually calls you again. And if he doesn't, I would assume he doesn't like you very much.
> 
> For sure, if a guy is really into you, he would never not contact you again. So if there is no followup after a week, I think you're safe to consider it done, short of extenuating circumstances.


Agreed. 



COguy said:


> He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: 9781416909774: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> "as Behrendt sensibly puts it, 'if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way.' "


Also agree. The confusion sets in when people say one thing and do another. But then it becomes clear.


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## MSC71

This thread should be closed until the OP asks the girl out.


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