# Anyone contact the other person themselves



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

I have the person's cell phone number and have thought numerous times of sending him a text letting him know my feelings. I also have no problem letting him know that his wife can expect a message from me as well. I wouldn't be vulgar or hostile but just a message letting him know that if at the very least it was an inappropriate friendship it was completely unacceptable.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not waste you time, and do not warn that you may contact the other spouse!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I made that mistake early on. I sent her a text and the first thing she did was call my stbxh and said I was threatening her and her family.
I've learned the hard way that it's just wasting your time. In my case, I did contact the OWH and to my dismay he knew about the affair and didn't care.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Pretty much confirms my feeling that I should contact his wife.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I have the person's cell phone number and have thought numerous times of sending him a text letting him know my feelings. I also have no problem letting him know that his wife can expect a message from me as well. I wouldn't be vulgar or hostile but just a message letting him know that if at the very least it was an inappropriate friendship it was completely unacceptable.


I have but in my case the OM wasn't in a relationship so i couldn't run and tell his spouse. I text the OM a message asking him what was going on and he sent me a message back for me to call him. So i called him, i never got angry or threatened him or anything just wanted to talk. He told me he was glad i called him because he knew stuff about him and my W were being spread around. He also said they were friends and it was nothing like what i had been hearing. He told me he was in a relationship that went bust and had a kid involved so he would never do anything like that to break up a family. 

I got off the phone with him still not knowing what to believe, guess i was in shock. Of course he wouldnt tell me he was banging my wife but I didn't expect him to be so calm talking about it with me. About a week after i talked to him i heard he was bragging that he talked to me and that i believed him (not true, just because i didn't get all angry or threatening on the phone doesn't mean i believed his lies). I just wanted his side because although he has wrong in this, my wife is the one that made the choice to go outside our marriage. 

So i'd say you need to talk to the OM/OW but i wouldn't expect the truth from them.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

tigercat said:


> I have but in my case the OM wasn't in a relationship so i couldn't run and tell his spouse. I text the OM a message asking him what was going on and he sent me a message back for me to call him. So i called him, i never got angry or threatened him or anything just wanted to talk. He told me he was glad i called him because he knew stuff about him and my W were being spread around. He also said they were friends and it was nothing like what i had been hearing. He told me he was in a relationship that went bust and had a kid involved so he would never do anything like that to break up a family.
> 
> I got off the phone with him still not knowing what to believe, guess i was in shock. Of course he wouldnt tell me he was banging my wife but I didn't expect him to be so calm talking about it with me. About a week after i talked to him i heard he was bragging that he talked to me and that i believed him (not true, just because i didn't get all angry or threatening on the phone doesn't mean i believed his lies). I just wanted his side because although he has wrong in this, my wife is the one that made the choice to go outside our marriage.
> 
> So i'd say you need to talk to the OM/OW but i wouldn't expect the truth from them.


Yeah I see good points against contacting the other person. Since I know he's married it's always best to contact the other spouse. You can compare notes to see what each of you doesn't know. Also, it would be nice to know that life inside of his home will suddenly become pretty uncomfortable. That's not my problem because I didn't make the choice to act inappropriately.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Sadly I did... out of anger. The first text went something like this:

Just so you know, after he f---s you, he has been coming home and f---ing me, just in case he was making you think I was giving him any.


The second was something like- You are a fool to take him in, him and his baggage will simply be tranferred to you... he is not the person you think he is in your fantasy land. Good luck, you deserve each other.


That was it... I know I shouldn't have but it felt good


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I tried. OM wouldn't answer my calls or texts. He's in another country, so I figured I could try to contact him without getting in trouble (read between the lines). OMW is also in another country and not online, so couldnt contact her.


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

The problem with letting the OP know about your feelings is that they don't care about your feelings. Some people thrive on causing others pain and misery. I sent the OW a letter and a few FB messages. At the time, I thought it helped me. Now that I know how cold and blackhearted she is, I wish I hadn't given her the satisfaction of knowing her actions with my husband broke me. 

I agree with the other poster who advised against warning him of exposure. Just do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Nah, contact the OMW. Don't contact him. Why? What's the point? He didn't give a damn about your relationship he certainly won't give a damn about you or what you have to say.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I also have no problem letting him know that his wife can expect a message from me as well.


Absolutely DO NOT warn OM that you're going to expose the A to his betrayed wife. This will give him the opportunity to spin the story and paint you as a deranged, crazy husband that's out to ruin their marriage. OMW will then not be willing to hear what you have to say. This has happened here a lot. If you're going to expose, do it without warning.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

LuvMyH said:


> The problem with letting the OP know about your feelings is that they don't care about your feelings. Some people thrive on causing others pain and misery. I sent the OW a letter and a few FB messages. At the time, I thought it helped me. Now that I know how cold and blackhearted she is, I wish I hadn't given her the satisfaction of knowing her actions with my husband broke me.
> 
> I agree with the other poster who advised against warning him of exposure. Just do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Agree, I think u must contact the OM/OW to get their side of things but u really want to guard your feelings and emotions. Go to get information to see what they have to say compared to your spouse, but don't start a confrontation. The OM/OW does not give a crap about you are you feelings, and most likely doesn't give a crap about your spouses feelings. I have a feeling most AP do what they do out of pure selfishness, especially when families are involved.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Is it ever too late to contact the other person's wife? What I mean is that it's something I should of done six months ago when everything was uncovered. I don't want to seem vindictive at this point but I think she should know what was going on.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> Is it ever too late to contact the other person's wife? What I mean is that it's something I should of done six months ago when everything was uncovered. I don't want to seem vindictive at this point but I think she should know what was going on.


It's the right thing to do. She has a right to know what kind of man she's married to and so she can make an informed decision as to the course of her marriage to OM. You would want to know if the situation was reversed.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

I've pretty much decided I'm going to be contacting his wife. It's the right thing to do and he should have to be held accountable for his actions as well.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I did and it screwed up exposing the affair to his wife- he got to her first and claimed my wife was crazy and trying to make our marriage work by making up an affair (and she believed it, ugh)


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I did and it screwed up exposing the affair to his wife- he got to her first and claimed my wife was crazy and trying to make our marriage work by making up an affair (and she believed it, ugh)


I've decided to contact his wife. He should be responsible and have to answer for his own actions. Let this situation disrupt his life for a while instead of just mine.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yup


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I did. Left a VM and sent a text. Neither were threatening just informing him of the marital status of his new flame (ww met him on dating site where she was listed as single). He told her that night through the dating site that he wanted nothing more to do with her because of her lies. The next day, she filed for divorce and has not stopped her adulterous ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

I called the OW and I called her husband. Great relief for me. Also, my conversation with OWH was insightful.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

VeryHurt said:


> I called the OW and I called her husband. Great relief for me. Also, my conversation with OWH was insightful.


I'm curious on how did you approach the conversation with the other person's spouse. I mean you're obviously not introducing a very pleasant or comfortable topic.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yes. And I was "nice" to it too. Ugh. I tried to tell her all about how she was messing up my marriage and to please leave us alone. I must have sounded so pathetic. I should have just told her that she has a face like a butthole and to go to h3ll.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Yes. And I was "nice" to it too. Ugh. I tried to tell her all about how she was messing up my marriage and to please leave us alone. I must have sounded so pathetic. *I should have just told her that she has a face like a butthole and to go to h3ll.*


Lmao, couldn't help but laugh on that one.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I did via Facebook but she didn't have a SO for me to expose anything to. It helped me of course I took what she said as just another story I was being told. I didn't tell H I was going to contact her either so no one had a heads up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 38m3kids (Sep 29, 2011)

I did on multiple occasion but the bastard would never talk to me. Only email and texting. Talked to his wife quite a bit right after it happened. It was somewhat therapeutic. Sent this message below right on the 1yr anniversary dday and it felt great. Sent it to him and his wife. His reponse to this was priceless, as he was forced to suck it up because his wife has access to his email now!! For me, this letter was my final closure with him. Now I'm working on forgiveness with my WW.

Dear Gaylord Focker,

One year ago Miranda committed the most disgusting act of sleeping with your white trash ass. To this day, I do not forgive her, and may never will. What you 2 did, not only hurt anta and I, but also seriously impacted the lives of 4 children. For that, you should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself. I’ve held back the last 12 months from letting you know how I really feel about what you did. I’m sure you painted Miranda as a ***** to Anta, to help smooth over your marriage. But it’s now time for the truth to come out. The following list of things disgust me as human being.

1.	No married man should cheat.. period. But then again, you are not a “man”.
2.	Why does a married man who is trying to have a baby, carry a condom??? Hmmmmm? Cheater?
3.	Does anta know how you put her down in front of Miranda, while trying to impress Miranda??? Like telling Miranda, that anta would never go white water rafting… that she was boring.
4.	Does she know you barely knew Miranda, but took it upon yourself to check on her luggage for her, because you are such a kind and caring person?
5.	Does she know you specifically asked her for drinks and snacks every time you got up from the tables at the conference??? Once again, what a gentleman.
6.	Does she know as you 2 sat at the bar, you looked at her and told her how beautiful Miranda was??? And when asked how you wife would feel about such comments, you shrugged it off?
7.	Does she know you came to her room 2 nights in a row in an attempt to get in her pants? That your encounter in New Mexico was not getting lost in a moment, but rather planned and premeditated cheating?
8.	Does she know that you slipped her a note the night after screwing her, asking her to come to your room during a conference break for a quickie, just hours before you would being leaving to go home to your wife?
9.	Does she know you begged her to get a hotel in Washington DC during connecting flights on the way home so you could spend another night together, while you were planning on lying to Anta about your flight being canceled?
10.	Does she know that you lied to her about having to stay after work the Tuesday after you got back from New Mexico, while you drove into Pittsburg, screwed Miranda and then drove back home to Anta?
11.	Does she know that your weekend together, you got pissed and threw a cursing fit to Miranda cause she didn’t want to have sex immediately when you got to the hotel?
12.	Does she know you would call Miranda on your way home from work and tell her that she was the one you wished you were coming home to instead of anta?
13.	Does she know you frequently went out to the car to smoke pot during the weekend in Pittsburgh?? That this is something you do all the time? That her husband is a pothead?
14.	Does she know that you told Miranda that you have had 2 other affairs????? I bet not.
15.	Does she know that you frequently looked at porn on your phone? And would even show Miranda texts you got from friends with naked women? What a man!
16.	Does she know, you told Miranda that you thought you were falling in love with her on numerous occasions???
17.	Does she know you begged Miranda for oral sex the first night, when Miranda originally said no?
18.	Does she know that you told Miranda you wished you could get on a plane with her, fly away together, and leave a note behind for me and Anta saying you left to be together? Oh that’s right,,, you told anta that Miranda said that!!! Nice switch up dude, makes you look innocent.
19.	Does she know you wanted to sleep in her room after your quickie sex in New Mexico, but Miranda handed you your clothes and made you leave?
20.	Does she know the first night sex happened after repeated “no’s” from Miranda, meanwhile you kept saying, “you were drawn to her”, and “you never felt like this before”, I’ve never cheated before” All Bull**** lies!
21.	Do you use the same corny texting crap like MYSM and TOY on anta like you did on Miranda and the other women you cheat with?


I bet you told very few of these things. I bet you either told anta it was Miranda’s fault, or that it was “love”. When we both know what it was. You used Miranda for sex, just like you have done other women in the past. Sex that I’m told you have issues keeping the old soldier at attention! :0)…. And don’t flatter yourself over Miranda having an orgasm during sex. She doesn’t need either of us for that. Hell, she normally has 2 to as many as 7-8 every single time we do it. She is gifted in that department. . You preyed on someone who felt vulnerable and unhappy with her marriage. Never was this a chance encounter, or something that just happened. This was/is just another premeditated cheating episode for a chronic cheater. This wasn’t your first rodeo, and will certainly not be your last. This time though, you got caught.

Don’t think your disgusting acts will ever go away. You are a disgrace to the word man. I hope your next affair partner gives you an STD and Anta leaves your sorry ass. She is sweet and deserves a real man, not a cheating loser like you.

Regards


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I'm curious on how did you approach the conversation with the other person's spouse. I mean you're obviously not introducing a very pleasant or comfortable topic.


Well, I did not dance around the issue, I went right to the point:

OW: "It is my understanding that you are having an affair with my husband."

OWH: "I have reasons to believe that your wife and my husband are having an affair."

Both very non-threating. I did not scream, yell or swear. Being very cool throws them off.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

38m3kids said:


> I did on multiple occasion but the bastard would never talk to me. Only email and texting. Talked to his wife quite a bit right after it happened. It was somewhat therapeutic. Sent this message below right on the 1yr anniversary dday and it felt great. Sent it to him and his wife. His reponse to this was priceless, as he was forced to suck it up because his wife has access to his email now!! For me, this letter was my final closure with him. Now I'm working on forgiveness with my WW.
> 
> Dear Gaylord Focker,
> 
> ...


And why haven't you kick Miranda into the gutter where someone who would do this to ther SO belongs.?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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