# where do we go from here?



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I've been doing great at nc. I've been finding ways to keep my mind off of hubs, or getting out of the house when it gets to be too much for me to handle.

Out of nowhere, I woke up to 3 angry hateful messages on my phone wednesday, and it last all day..into the next..and into the next. It's been interesting. But where the sudden confusion comes in, is today.

We had a talk where hubs admitted that he can't find it in him to hate me, no matter what he tries. I gave up that fight a long time ago, I never wanted to hate him but I can see where it would be easier if he could to move on. Amidst the conversation and discussion he blurted out that we never wanted the same things.

I was floored. We're both still in love, and very much love each other. It moved on to get to the fact that he needlessly pretended to want these "things" that in all honesty I myself didn't necessarily want, because I just wanted a life with him..and his resentment towards me grew out of it.

So here we have it, we were both working towards "ideals" that we thought the other wanted, and neither of us did, so we grew to "hate" each other because of it. Now what in hell, do we do with that?

I'm not really sure what to think of it..I knew he didn't want what "we" were working for, I constantly told him and asked him what he wanted, or supported him doing anything to make himself happy..but its not until this point that we can both finally acknowledge it? 

does this sound like progress towards forgiveness and being able to move on in one way or another? It just feels like such a turning point in communication and understanding. is this when we try for counseling so we can deal with our grief, and let ourselves progress? 

I'm a little confused. But I am so relieved and content to have gotten that kind of honesty from him. I've tried for years to get it..I kind of feel like double rainbow guy over here going "What does it mean?!"

so really, what does it mean? step forward perhaps?


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

Hard to be sure what is going on, but you should definitely be glad for the honesty. I would try counseling if he is willing, it can only lend clarity to the discussions


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