# The begining of the end?



## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

We have been separated 27 months. My husband took a lease for an apartment 30 miles from our home. He was on unemployment for 21 months, then it ran out. He would come over 2 times a month, to visit and bring pet food and some food or snacks. He texted every week or called me. When his unemployment ran out, he told me he found a p/t cash job. Supposedly it barley covered his bills. It should be noted that I have not worked in 17 years. I do not have a car or a driver’s license. He was not paying to any bills here or offering to help out, he said he couldn’t afford it. Our son stepped in and paid all utilities for me, & takes me shopping. 

In December my husband said he was thinking of moving back home, as he was having $$ troubles. His modern 2 bd apartment, cable TV, cable internet, storage locker rental, car insurance were too much to pay. 

On New Years Eve I got a call my daughter-in-law. She said he was at Sears buying me earrings. Later that evening, I received a text from him, saying how he couldn't wait to come over. 

He never showed up. My texts & calls went unanswered for 2 weeks. He came over unexpected, in a different car, and brought the pet food. Practically ran out of the house saying he had things to do. He said he had a job at a company I knew. A week later his cell phone was shut off. I called him at work & they said they didn’t know who he was. I called his landlord & was told he had moved out. I mailed him letters with endorsements so I would get the forwarding address. Nothing came back. I called the cable & utility companies and he owed all of them money. The car insurance guy said the policy was cancelled months ago. That day I received an email through Sears, saying he had bought more cheap jewelry. I started calling his friends. They said they would give him the message that I wanted him to call. They all said they had not heard from in over a month. A few days later I received a call from him, his cell was back on. He said he was staying with "friends." He asked to come over that weekend, & I said yes. When he came, he stated that he had a different job now, but was only p/t. He said he was staying with his friend “John”. I asked him who had given him my message; he said it was his other friend that told him I called. Again, he acted like he had an appointment & had to leave within an hour.
After he left, I called “John”, and was told that he was not staying there. I called the new company on Monday, and they never heard of him either. 

I contacted a lawyer & had some pre-divorce consultations. I texted my husband & told him I was tired of his b.s. & was filing. After a few days, he texed me back. Said he hoped I would change my mind, wait a little bit. Said he "couldn’t" come back home unless he had the $$ to pay our bills. Said he was trying to get a job every day. Said nobody could ever replace me, & I worry too much. He said the mileage between our house & the job market would break his savings & he couldn't afford the gas for the interviews. He told me to send any correspondence to his "old" address; he was having his mail "held" at the old post office. He stated that his needs were not being met, and he hoped he would get a job soon & move back home. We have been married 23 years, I am 50 & he is 62.

I guess I'm wondering if there is any hope for this, or am I grasping at straws?


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Is substance abuse involved or another women?


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## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

No he doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He said he was buying the jewerly for his boyfriend's wife. And was putting it on his account to get the Shop your way rewards points. I have never had any problems with him cheating in all our years of marriage. He is kinda lazy, had always been a little too frugal, and has had ED for 15 years. He is a couch potato kind of guy, very friendly, and slow to move on things. His email is clear of any "messages", but he will not "prove" to me he is living with his friend, and will not tell me where this new job is.
The reason we separated was financial - he is rather old fashioned about money.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

do you have a friend or family that can found out where he is staying? It's just odd.

He doesn't talk to your son?


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## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

Our son wants nothing to do with him. When husband moved out all the bills were outstanding here. Our son had to take loans to pay them. He has had to take a 2nd job to continue to pay the utilities, does all the home repair, driving me around, and getting me the basics that I need. He is now going bankrupt, cause he has two households to pay for he is only 22. My husband told him that he was sorry, but he couldn't help with my bills, because it would short him & his needs.

We only had a few close friends together, more his than mine. I have no other family, & my friends never approved of his money issues.


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

can you move in with your son or a friend?


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## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

I am staying at my sons rental house- We were staying at my sons small rental house/cottage. It is in a very rural area, and the cost of living there is below average. My son & his new wife feel this is the best situation for all of us.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

bonnie s said:


> No he doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He said he was buying the jewerly for his boyfriend's wife. And was putting it on his account to get the Shop your way rewards points. I have never had any problems with him cheating in all our years of marriage. He is kinda lazy, had always been a little too frugal, and has had ED for 15 years. He is a couch potato kind of guy, very friendly, and slow to move on things. His email is clear of any "messages", but he will not "prove" to me he is living with his friend, and will not tell me where this new job is.
> The reason we separated was financial - he is rather old fashioned about money.


he's been extremely dodgy so I wouldn't exactly buy his excuse for the jewelry


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## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

Thats kinda of I feel. The fact that it was bought on New Years Eve, kinda of threw me. Then we he didnt show up for dinner that night. Leads me to believe that the text was meant for someone else. The items were inexpensive- $19, $24 & $15, but he was never a jewerly giving type of guy, more like bringing home some steaks for a special dinner. He is not computer savvy, I set up his email for him years ago. There have been other strange purchases, but nothing solid. Lots of soda pop, the kind he doesn't drink. Some cheap appliances that I know he already had. Nothing that amouted to over $150.00 total in the last 2 years.

The different car was explained to me as a loaner, because his was in the shop. I called the shop & they said they did not give out loaner for 1 day repairs. When confronted with this, he then said he knew the owner well, and they made an exception in his case.

Gosh I am a terrible typist - have to keep correcting my spelling!


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Sorry Sweetie, he's up to no good. Move forward with your happiness.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I would say to put a gps on his car but it already sounds like you're ready to move on

altho you may consider it so you know where to have him served


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Wow, there are some bad liars out there but your H seems to be the king. Clearly he's lying to you left and right, just up to you how much longer to take it. He's forgoing putting his family back on track (financially as well as emotionally) to buy things for another woman. Let him go. Sorry, and good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Shamwow said:


> Wow, there are some bad liars out there but your H seems to be the king. Clearly he's lying to you left and right, just up to you how much longer to take it. He's forgoing putting his family back on track (financially as well as emotionally) to buy things for another woman. Let him go. Sorry, and good luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you forgot at *62*


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

can you try to get a job at local diner or grocery store?


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## bonnie s (Feb 28, 2012)

I did infact ask my son to buy an online GPS logger. He is thinking about it, but we dont know how to get it in the car. No, I do not have keys to it. 

I live in the country. It is 6 miles to the nearest gas station & 22 miles to Walmart. My boy is repairing a truck for me that he bought. Transmission. clutch issues. When he can afford to get my license back for me- I will then get a job. I lost my license driving the husband to work 4 years ago, we got pulled over & had no insurance. 

The licence on the car was suspended. My license was lost. The husband bought a different car & put it in just his name since I couldn't drive.


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