# should I believe him ?



## Zoezoe (Aug 26, 2014)

we have been married for 23 years and i just discovered my husband has been in contact with an ex girlfriend- he had her number under a false name and he says there is nothing to it they are just friends. i got his phone records for the last 4 months and there are 25 calls from him . Should I believe him ? He says they occasionally had a coffee and thats all


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Simple answer: NO!!!


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

nope. spouses don't hide 'friends' from each other...

stop confronting, and start digging deeper...check credit card bills for hotels, computer and cell phone for emails/chats/photos, etc


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Zoezoe said:


> we have been married for 23 years and i just discovered my husband has been in contact with an ex girlfriend- he had her number under a false name and he says there is nothing to it they are just friends. i got his phone records for the last 4 months and there are 25 calls from him . Should I believe him ? He says they occasionally had a coffee and thats all


There are 25 calls from him... any from her?

What kind of phone does he use?


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Nope, don't believe him. Believe the evidence and trust your gut. Time to go into surveillance mode without letting husband know you're watching. Keep mouth shut, eyes wide open. Brace yourself for anything you might find. 

If you feel it's early in your husbands infatuation with her you can have some frank discussions with him about boundaries, marital expectations, etc. If he's already in affair fog then the discussion will be worthless. Employ a var and do some snooping on his phone, computer. Good luck.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Umm, no. 

He's lying. He's going to downplay all sorts of things. He's fishing for something or already landed the fish. 

Time for stealth investigation and a VAR in the CAR.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I maintain that when spouses hide things, it's because they have a reason to do so. That could be anything from reestablishing a friendship he doesn't want you to know about to sex- but for now you'll never know.

So it's where you want to go with this. You can take his word for it. You can snoop.

I suggest this- tell him since he has left you to speculate and as he was clearly hiding this from you, you are considering him having sex with her and you will act accordingly. However, if he will show you every text, email.... IMMEDIATELY then you will reconsider and take the messages for what they are. However, he also has to agree to no contact and for him to prove it to you. If he refuses, then I think you can fairly assume he has betrayed you or is making serious plans to.

Either way, you have problems.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No. 

Did you ask him why if they are just friends he felt it necessary to hide her contact information?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

thatbpguy said:


> I maintain that when spouses hide things, it's because they have a reason to do so. That could be anything from reestablishing a friendship he doesn't want you to know about to sex- but for now you'll never know.
> 
> So it's where you want to go with this. You can take his word for it. You can snoop.
> 
> ...



QFT (quoting for truth) because this hit the nail RIGHT on the head!


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> No.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

QFT


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Demand NC now. To hide a number under a different name. How clever. Was that an accident? Or on purpose.

He needs serious consequences for his deception. Very serious. 

Perhaps even go get an STD test.


Watch closely. VAR the car. He may take things underground. User Weightlifter has information in his sig what you can do.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

For a start.... He should not be having... just... a coffee with his ex AT ALL...... secondly

NO.... i would not believe him for a second.... thirdly he most definitely must have something to hide as he has her number under a false name, and he has 25 calls from him to her..... which tells me something is going on...

You have been with him 20 odd years, and hes treating you like this..... Disgusting....

something is definitely up.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Call her and ask her who she is...her response and reaction will be quite telling.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

I agree with everyone on this...
You should have no need to actively hide something from your partner to the point where you are changing another person's name to keep their identity a secret. 
If nothing is going on, then why behave like there is?
I like the suggestion of calling the woman and demanding to know who she is.
And I would also be booking a marriage counsellor ASAP.
He is going to have to do A LOT of work to reclaim your trust, and it needs to start with total transparency.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zoezoe said:


> we have been married for 23 years and i just discovered my husband has been in contact with an ex girlfriend- he had her number under a false name and he says there is nothing to it they are just friends. i got his phone records for the last 4 months and there are 25 calls from him . Should I believe him ? He says they occasionally had a coffee and thats all


Under a *false* name?

Then why on earth would you trust him?:scratchhead:


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

By now, he has already given her the heads-up. She may be rude or friendly. Rude is a dead giveaway. Friendly means they came up with a story together to throw you off. If she apologizes for keeping "it" secret, they haven't crossed the line yet. Make sure you ask her if she had known he is married.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

melw74 said:


> For a start.... He should not be having... just... a coffee with his ex AT ALL...... secondly
> 
> NO.... i would not believe him for a second.... thirdly he most definitely must have something to hide as he has her number under a false name, and he has 25 calls from him to her..... which tells me something is going on...
> 
> ...


Yah, like was that sex before or after the coffee. Worst case, but a consideration.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Zoezoe,

Just curious, did he use a man's name or a woman's name as the alias for this friend?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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