# Reposting need more feed back please.



## Drahcir (Oct 30, 2015)

What would you do and what did I do wrong. Well my 5 yr marriage is coming to a end. I don't want it to but it's here, 8 years together gone. I'm going to get to the story in a minute. I don't want to leave anything out. I used to be very fit, never let anything get to me. I was an ok people person and I usually got along with everyone. I went overseas at 22 stayed for 4yrs. I met my wife there. When I came back I noticed everyone including my family began to treat me differently. I know it was because my life style changed and it hurt because it was coming at all angles. Gaining weight didn't help. I'm not perfect I've been at times not caring towards my wife's feelings but I'm human I love her with all my heart. My good out weighs the bad but I guess the bad is all my wife remembers and cared about from the way she talks. Now the story. 2012 and especailly 2013 were difficult times. I've been the bread winner majority of our marriage. The purchase of our house I let her put the down payment down even though I could have done it. I wanted us to share the experience together as a team. We had a setup to where I paid the large bills and she paid utilities. 2012 was the beginning of our finicial problens. We had a 600 dollar car note that was killing us. Why not sell it? First, I got it brand new at 45,000 and 2012 was the last year before it was paid off and I felt like I would have wasted so much money and time to sale it when it was almost paid off. Second as petty as it was I wanted to prove the people that were talking behind my back about how I was going to lose my car and my house wrong. We started pulling from my wife's savings. We didn't have to be in any financial trouble but my wife, as qualified as she just refused to find a better paying job. Instead she settled for a 8.00 hr job as a manager at a storage facility. We have no kids we could have been saving together. I decided to go back overseas. Ended up with a offer letter leaving to afghanistan early 2013. I asked my recruiter if putting my two weeks in at the end of December would be feasible. She told me that I would be leaving Jan 4 2013 so i should be fine. Put my two weeks in... long story short..... 2013 sequestration. Lost my new job right after quitting my old one. I didn't hear from the recruiter until March in which she gave me a weak apology and a I wish you well. No job, wife working 8.00hr. We had no choice but to use her savings and the money her mother left her after she passed away. We almost lost the house that year. I came up with a plan for both of us to put in for this job overseas we both were qualified for and if one of us got hired the person hired would get the other over. My wife got hired and it was tough parting I didn't think it would be for long. Well it's been two years and I'm still here and she is still overseas. Between all that time, there was a point I was insecure and felt like a failure cause at the time I still didn't have a job. I found out she was buddy buddy with some guy. Found out they went to the movies together, I even had a chance to speak to him. There was some Christmas thing going on at his apartment and he told me I had a real good cook on my hands. I felt some type of way about that whole conversation. I've never been the jealous type but being home all day depressed......it starts crossing your mind. So I asked her if anything was going on between them in which she responded defensively "What, You don't trust me?" that in it self made me question her even more. Why so defensive? After that our communication was broken. Everything ended up in a argument. She felt like didn't appreciate her going over to work and I didn't feel she understood my feelings on being a man and not being able to provide, her working when it should be me. I'm very proud her. It gotten so bad she would cry at work telling her co workers....Never meant to make her cry..We both would say things I know we didn't mean but you say things you can't unsay. Since then she has lied to me, disrespected me and resently told me she doesn't give a ****. When I say lie, I consider myself a guys guy. She actual brought me to tears and to this day In mad at myself for letting her see that. She came home earlier this year. She made it seem she was home for good. The first argument we got into she belted to her cousins house in which I was cool with cause get she is home now and it's ping to take time getting back to leaving together. She stayed for almost a month to which she gave me the news she really isn't home for good that she was going back and that she wanted a seperatio n cause she needed space..... I couldn't hold back my tears...it was ugly too..lol Yes I thought too much of what people were thinking of me. The offer letter was in stone everything was signed and all I was waiting for was a email for dates to leave to South Carolina for in processing/medicals and after new hires left to their job sites. I kept all the conversations the recruiter and I had. And yes the job was a sure thing.....the suprise of the sequestration is what did away with the position. It was bad luck but I should have kept the job I had lesson learned. I wanted to take the holidays to spend with family before leaving and after getting the ok from my recruiter who since has been fired I believed them...that's why I made the decision to put in my two weeks. i wasnt depending on her inhertaince, she said we were in this together and there is so much I can do....I was making 21 an hr 40hr work weeks. It killed me that we had to use that money. This economy is unforgivable. The only reason I agreed to get the house we had. She loved it and I assumed that she would be looking for a better paying job to help me secure our future. Again I met her overseas and we worked together I loved her go get it attitude. I thought this was someone I could grow a future with in all aspects. What I should have done was sit her down and had a talk with her on what she expected of me and what her plans were before purchasing the house. Once I lost my job I worked at Coke for a while and I was let go from that job. I then enrolled in getting my P.B.U.S.E certification so I could give myself a better chance at finding a job. Applying over the internet as we all know can be finicky. I made the best decision I thought were viable at the time. My thought process when I suggested that we BOTH apply for the position she currently has was a hail mary in hopes of getting us out the situation we bothed allowed. Again the plan was who ever got over would get the other over. The simple fact she was selected for the job should tell you my wife is very very qualified to work on base here at Fort Bragg. She chose not too. We live in a society where a male and female can earn to contribute to the household. Yes she kept her job making 8.00 hr but if your able to earn more way not. If she was the same person with that go get it attitude instead of settling I met overseas. She would have made an effort to look for a better paying job we would have been ok financially. I haven't gone to live with her overseas because I ended up getting my old job back and I was lead to believe she was looking for work to come back home. If she looks at me less of a man because I thought we were in this together then I'll be that. I have been paying everything since she has been gone with little help from "her" overseas money. Now if we had kids before she left I could understand. Now* has far as the life style. Before I initially went overseas I was a **** up had nothing. Just partied and didn't care too much for my future. When I came back with my wife my outlook on life shifted. Having friends I made over there die, coming close to being in a suicide bombing....gave me a little more respect for life. I purchased a four bedroom home that we both decided would be the home we started our lives having two kids where they could feel safe. Where our family and friends could come to get away or hang out. I didn't realize majority of people I knew before leaving would treat me has if I was a traitor for wanting a better life than I had growing up. It was brand new for me to get that much hate all at once. All I can say is I did the best I could. For better or for worse.I also want to note I work on Fort Bragg. She had opportunities to work on base but never followed up. I know what I'm about to will be offensive but why have females pushed so hard for equality to only use it for self. Its like I want my cake and I want to eat yours too. It makes no sense to me. I was serious about my vowes. Your suppose to submit to each other. I died a little each time we used "her" money but what chose did we have. See I can't say I used all "my" 100,000 dollars plus I made overseas providing for her. No that's wrong that's what a man is suppose to do right. Well what is a women suppose to do? God knows I tried, been patient, gave up my whorish ways because she knew how much of a dog I use to be. I completely thought she was worth settling down for.* we both played a part in things collapsing. I understand what I did but now that she has the better paying job she could of had here instead of staying at a 8.00 hr job. Now it's time to turn her back on the marriage. I apologize. Im just so angry.Believe me if I knew she wanted to stop working. We would have gotten something smaller that I.....yes I could afford If she could have weathered the storm with me so that we could learn from both our mistakes....I probably wouldn't be writing this. I don't regret anything, I loved her dispite everything. The wind blew and she gave up. Took care of her for three years I won't include 2012 because we started using "her" money but it just shows you what your dealing with when rain comes. I've learned from my mistakes. I'm looking to sale this house but I'm still holding the front down when it comes to this bills. I've received two raises (another rising I haven't gone to leave with her overseas) and despite everything Im proud of my comeback. Sucks I have to celebrate by myself. I know what I bring to the table and if a bad year makes me a failure of a husband well what can you do. It will be hard to recover from this one but patience is going to have to be my best friend. Thank you guys again for reading and if I offended anyone with my opinions on the female talk. Apologies.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Drahcir,can I make a suggestion? Go to edit and break up your post into paragraphs. It's very hard to read a wall of texts to understand all of the facts. You'll get more response that way. Good luck.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What type of advice are you looking for?


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## Kj80 (Nov 10, 2015)

I didn't read all but nearly but I can clearly see that you're beating yourself up and trying to blame yourself for this. A woman who says she needs "space" after being overseas for quite some time then taking off to her cousins for a month has something to hide! It seems as if she was off having a blast of a time while you were stuck at home lonely and neglected. you sound like a guy who loves his wife and is very upset that she's decided to end your marriage together. Try not to stress and get upset over it she'll probably make it worse the more you care. You deserve better than that. Good luck.


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