# Stranger in my own house



## Sprinkler*Man (Nov 6, 2015)

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have 5 children together. For about the first 10 years everything was going fine but since then she has grown distant and has lost all affection towards me. I tell her how beautiful she is every day, take her out on romantic dinners and try to buy special presents for her whenever possible but it nothing seems to help. I help out with the kids and the house to try and give her some down time. She can't even find it in her to give me a kiss or a hug. When I try to give her one I get a look from her of what seems like disgust. I ask her what is wrong and she answers the she doesn't know and that it is not me and that she just she doesn't feel passion for anybody. I have read some books on the opposite sex to try and find out what would make her happy. I have been doing what the books recommend but nothing seems to work. We don't have sex anymore. She says she loves me but I don't see how two people can be married and not have any passion. I feel like a stranger in my own house and am starting to loose hope.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sprinkler*Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have 5 children together. For about the first 10 years everything was going fine but since then she has grown distant and has lost all affection towards me. I tell her how beautiful she is every day, take her out on romantic dinners and try to buy special presents for her whenever possible but it nothing seems to help. I help out with the kids and the house to try and give her some down time. She can't even find it in her to give me a kiss or a hug. When I try to give her one I get a look from her of what seems like disgust. I ask her what is wrong and she answers the she doesn't know and that it is not me and that she just she doesn't feel passion for anybody. I have read some books on the opposite sex to try and find out what would make her happy. I have been doing what the books recommend but nothing seems to work. We don't have sex anymore. *She says she loves me* but I don't see how two people can be married and not have any passion. I feel like a stranger in my own house and am starting to loose hope.


Ask her if she's _in love_ w/ you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry you are going through this. Sounds awful.

Could it be that your wife is very depressed. Have the two of you looked into this? 

What books have you been reading? What are the things that you have been doing?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Something's wrong here. 

Better open your eyes and start eliminating obvious things.

You can't fix what you don't know.

First thing I'd do is look at her phone records to see if you can find a clue.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

How old are the kids?

It's not uncommon for a woman with 5 kids to feel tired and touched out. It's also not uncommon for parents to spend themselves on the offspring for years only to realize, when the kids are older, that there isn't much of a marital relationship left.

Did your wife enter menopause or pre menopause? A lot of women lose sex drive due to the hormone shift. If her hormones are off, she can take meds to rebalance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Has this been a slow decline over the last few years or is this suddenly happening like a month ago. If this is a very recent change I agree you need to start snooping. If this is a gradual thing. Sometimes a rut can develop in life.

Can you plan a trip together or start a new hobby together. Sometime new to do to break up the monotony?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Besides checking out her activities when you aren't around, get the MMSLP book linked to below. It can also be downloaded at Amazon.com.

Does your wife work. Does she ever go out with the girls? Do you still date and romance her?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, are you both in decent physical shape?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Sprinkler*Man said:


> My wife and I have been married for 20 years...(and) For about the first 10 years everything was going fine but since then she has grown distant and has lost all affection towards me.


OK. Let's go ahead and waste another 10 pages trying to figure out why THIS particular marriage can be described this way. Are we going to do it an additional 10,000 times a day or just one long thread titled "So, you got the ILYBINILWY speech, here's what you do".

Better yet: Let's all go to a marriage preparation sites and start threads titled something to the effect of:

"So, you think YOUR relationship is one of the 20% or so that will NOT fall victim to ILYBINILWY syndrome? Guess What: The odds are 4-1 against. Read this, know what to look for and prepare"

It happens dude. Doing what you are doing doesn't help. If it did, she wouldn't have walked. She's gone. Start getting used to it.


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## amber74747474 (Oct 24, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Something's wrong here.
> 
> Better open your eyes and start eliminating obvious things.
> 
> ...


Yes.you are strong and. . what you don't know can hurt you. What if she gets pregnant or worse HIV


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## amber74747474 (Oct 24, 2015)

Marc878 said:


> Something's wrong here.
> 
> Better open your eyes and start eliminating obvious things.
> 
> ...


Wrong post sorry


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## Sprinkler*Man (Nov 6, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Ask her if she's _in love_ w/ you.


She tells me she loves me but only when I ask her.


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## Sprinkler*Man (Nov 6, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> How old are the kids?
> 
> It's not uncommon for a woman with 5 kids to feel tired and touched out. It's also not uncommon for parents to spend themselves on the offspring for years only to realize, when the kids are older, that there isn't much of a marital relationship left.
> 
> ...


I know she feels tired all the time because of all the kids. They range from 8-20 and two of them have autism which eats up a lot of time. She extends herself out too far and I have asked her to cut back but she rejects the idea.


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## Sprinkler*Man (Nov 6, 2015)

MachoMcCoy said:


> OK. Let's go ahead and waste another 10 pages trying to figure out why THIS particular marriage can be described this way. Are we going to do it an additional 10,000 times a day or just one long thread titled "So, you got the ILYBINILWY speech, here's what you do".
> 
> Better yet: Let's all go to a marriage preparation sites and start threads titled something to the effect of:
> 
> ...


Wow, have I been this dumb for all these years?


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Start living for yourself and quit doting on her. Be a great dad, help around the house, but stop doting on her, stop complimenting her and take her down off that alter you have her on. Seems to me you are flushing all your emotional investment down the toilet for someone who does not appreciate you. It happens to some men. They make the mistake of marrying miserable women.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sprinkler*Man said:


> She tells me she loves me but only when I ask her.


OK, so then ask her if she's IN LOVE with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Sprinkler*Man said:


> I know she feels tired all the time because of all the kids. They range from 8-20 and *two of them have autism* which eats up a lot of time. She extends herself out too far and I have asked her to cut back but she rejects the idea.



You need to go 007. I've lost count of how many times I've read of wives with special needs kids having affairs. She may be involved in a very long term affair and hasn't left because of the kids but wants to and feels like she's stuck with you. She doesn't want to give you affection because it will make her feel like she's being unfaithful to her man.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Sprinkler*Man said:


> Wow, have I been this dumb for all these years?


Welcome to the club.

Read Me.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Read the threads of Bagdon and neuklas. Learn how to up your sex ranking. Learn to be happy without your wife.

Get into shape. Read about the 180. Maybe you will have divorce her.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

From a woman's perspective:

She sounds depressed and (obviously) out of touch. I wouldn't rush right into thinking she is having an affair, but definitely open up your mind to the possibility. Look up the 180 and insist on counseling. 20 years is a long time to just "throw away," but know that it takes TWO to save a marriage.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BashfulBull said:


> Start living for yourself and quit doting on her. Be a great dad, help around the house, but stop doting on her, stop complimenting her and take her down off that alter you have her on. Seems to me you are flushing all your emotional investment down the toilet for someone who does not appreciate you. It happens to some men. They make the mistake of marrying miserable women.


THIS. This is nice guy, doormat behavior. She treats you like crap and you kiss her ass. Time to change that dynamic.


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