# Could use some advice...



## Wetcheeks (Feb 1, 2010)

I read somewhere recently in a relationship article that "Mean never goes away..." and I have not been able to get it out of my head...Married 7 yrs after raising three children (from my first marriage, 13yrs) alone for a decade, my husband is mean in word and deed, generally unkind in a lot of situations. Routinely belittles and puts down others verbally, routinely verbally threatens others and on rare occasions lashes out physically (almost always at another male) my adult sons, etc. A true "alpha dog" complex, a pessimist at heart who daily scapegoats the "choice" of the week for every ill in his life and constantly says that if "THAT" was fixed, his life would be alright/better/etc...We have talked about anger management for all of our 7 yrs of marriage with repeated moments of "enlightenment" and realizations of damage and the connections between the lifetime of anger and acting out anger behaviors and the damage and unhappiness that continues to plague him and us, have been through repeated promises of revelation and need to get help but never manages to follow through unless I set it up and make all arrangements and even drive him there. We were recently separated for over a year because of all this and have in the past three months have attempted to reconcile while moving and downsizing to be closer to work and further out of the hustle and bustle of the city , seeking some peace and quiet in our home life but an unfortunate event caused my adult son, his girlfriend and my two precious babies to have to move back in with me temporarily (a few weeks to a couple of months) until they can be back on their feet. And everything is as bad as it ever was...right down to patently inappropriate remarks in front of his Beloved grandsons about their dad, mom, etc... I had to ask him to leave my home again because I feel I can no longer trust him around the kids and grandkids because he refuses to put a governor on his mouth...and eventually that will lead to more and more fuel for his "fire"... In a bubble, we are great together and he is genuinely loving, gentle and considerate to me...he is intelligent, highly educated, arrogant and condescending and considers few on his level and he considers me to be the love of his life and his equal in every way...it is wonderful and precious when it is insulated from the world but we cannot live in a bubble where his perceptions are not challenged by the outside world or the needs of the world and demands of work, family, kids and grandkids and of course our incredibly strained finances. My heart misses him every day but I don't miss that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. He has always said if we could get away and move just the two of us up the woods of Wyoming that he is a different person away from the technological world (it'd nice if we could all live in that bubble, wouldn't it)... I apologize for ranting on but even though it is pretty obvious when I read back through what I have written without the sentiment or details...what I need to follow through and do...but forgive me as my heart hurts and I keep coming back to all the promises he makes but rarely follows through not to say never, but rarely enough. I keep coming back to that stupid article...mean never goes away...
Your advice, comments and responses are greatly appreciated...


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