# Notice from lawyer



## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

Today I got letter from my W lawyer saying that I should seek legal representation as my W contacted him regardind divorce . It also stated that she hopes to have this matter resolved out of court .Are there any benefits for reaching the agreement with my W out of court?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

much, much cheaper. If you guys can negotiate an agreement one or both of you will be much less far behind financially. I guess there are court costs plus a lot more lawyer time if anything gets contested.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Definitely. The more you and your estranged wife can agree on, the less the divorce will cost. When a husband and wife can agree on nothing and two lawyers get involved, it gets expensive. As in my case, I simply keep an attorney because my husband CAN NOT BE TRUSTED. Some people can divorce and work things out with no attorneys. Yet, others can work things out with a mediator. It's going to depend on your situation.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yeah, just make sure she doesn't take your shorts and underwear if you don't get a lawyer. Honestly, an agreement out of court is the best way but dot your i's and cross your t's. Look over the dissolution agreement and make sure EVERYTHING has been covered and that you can live and are content with the settlement.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

I have no idea what she is going to ask for ,but I guess I will find out by next week . All I care about at this point is my son and his needs , he is the #1 for me . I dont think that she would want the house as she wouldnt be able to afford it , she might ask that I sell it (house is just in my name ) and split the profits ,but on the other hand there is still 2years left on the term so there isnt much or if any equity on this house and if it sells for less then we would only add more debt into this divorce and I dont think she would want that . 
What is my lawyer going to ask me , should I prepare any documents , how is it going to go from that point , are there going to be negotiation meetings? 
Should I be a total a..hole and just go for her throat or should I be nice and polite ?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

6foot5 said:


> I have no idea what she is going to ask for ,but I guess I will find out by next week . All I care about at this point is my son and his needs , he is the #1 for me . I dont think that she would want the house as she wouldnt be able to afford it , she might ask that I sell it (house is just in my name ) and split the profits ,but on the other hand there is still 2years left on the term so there isnt much or if any equity on this house and if it sells for less then we would only add more debt into this divorce and I dont think she would want that .
> What is my lawyer going to ask me , should I prepare any documents , how is it going to go from that point , are there going to be negotiation meetings?
> Should I be a total a..hole and just go for her throat or should I be nice and polite ?


Well, that depends on your lawyer. If you are not comfortable with him, get another. I guess what I mean about comfortable is just get a feel for if he is trying to stick it to her, which means that the other lawyer will contest it and then it COULD become a domino effect tit for tat. I guess I would let him know up front that all you want is to be 50/50 fair in the settlement (if that is what you want). I would get more thoughts on this from more folks on here that have use and been through lawyers. You need the lawyer to make sure you don't get scr***ed on the deal so that is good but sometimes you get lawyers that want to stick them back. So just go with your heart on it but weigh their advice. There are some that are good and try to get you taken care of as quickly and fairly as possible and there are those that stand to make a ton of money by contesting but the final decision is between you and your stbxw. I wish you the best.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

Yesterday I went to see "my" lawyer , pretty standard initial interview : situation at home , children , property , money etc. 
I liked this guy as he wasnt beating around the bush , was straight to the point , told me how most likely things are gonna go and didnt give me any impressions of wanting me to be agrresive and contest eveything my W would want , so thats a good thing , but near the end of the conversation he mentioned to me selling the house right away to avoid this so called "in house separation" , then he said " with this amount of debt you may want to consider bancrupcy" I told him straight out that I dont want to do it , simply because I do not know yet what my W is going to ask for ( I hope she wont ask spousal support ) that kind of calmed him down with this bancrupcy crap . Other than that he seemed Ok . Funny thing happened when he asked me who my W lawyer was , so when I told him he said : " he is lazy" and said with sort of relief "it could have been much much worse" , they all know each other as city where we live is small . So , now I have to pay $$$ for him to respond to my W lawyer and then wait for their response . So far I have a good feeling about this lawyer and I think I should as he is not cheap and he seems to be confident .


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

The advice I was given was find the meanest lawyer you can. I may be switching myself. This is not a time to be nice. Trust me. When my wife left me I still tried to help her here and there. My reward? She eventually sued me for mental cruelty! You have to assume she is capable of anything. You can test the waters and try to be nice but expect the absolute worse and be surprised if you get something nicer. You hear things like this all the time and think, "She'd never do that." She will. I know. I had about as amiable of a relationship as you could have only to be completely taken and in a fight for my life now. Fight for your son and for yourself. It's dirty and it doesn't feel good but you're going to be surprised at the lengths this will go.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Interview several lawyers and get a feel for him/her. Ask tons of questions and make sure to be clear with your expectations with your counsel. They will give you a reality check but you should feel like they are watching your interest. 

And please resist the urge to be "the good guy" and let the wife take everything including your kids. You have equal rights to property and custody. Too many dads get the shaft because they want to "get along". 

Fight for your kids and don't end up living in a cardbox box while she laughs her ass off with the new BF.


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