# The situation after 5 months being separated



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife has now been living with her AP for a month. Court date is 10/31 and I've been doing the 180. She shows absolutely no signs of wanting to return, in fact talks about our daughter going to school in her district next year. I thought the impending divorce might cause her to consider R.

I feel as though I'm making steady but slow progress in breaking from her emotionally, I wish I could speed it up. I still have moments of wanting her back and I want those feelings gone. 
All my logical thinking goes out the window, what she's done to me and my daughter and her emotional problems/personality disorder which caused so much difficulty during our marriage. 

I realize it's only been 5 months, and she could do a 180 herself and want back in to our marriage, but deep down I know it's not a good idea. I'm hoping I can stay strong and continue to detach, I would appreciate any comments/experiences of those who have felt similiarly.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

maincourse99 said:


> My wife has now been living with her AP for a month. Court date is 10/31 and I've been doing the 180. She shows absolutely no signs of wanting to return, in fact talks about our daughter going to school in her district next year. I thought the impending divorce might cause her to consider R.
> 
> I feel as though I'm making steady but slow progress in breaking from her emotionally, I wish I could speed it up. I still have moments of wanting her back and I want those feelings gone.
> All my logical thinking goes out the window, what she's done to me and my daughter and her emotional problems/personality disorder which caused so much difficulty during our marriage.
> ...


Why would you want her back? I know that's a simple question, but really. After all that she has put you through, why would you even entertain the thought?

I've been separated from my WS for 7 months now, and every once in a while I have the fleeting thought that *IF* he were sorry and *IF* he made it up to me, could things go back to a better relationship with *HIM*?

My answer is no. I look back and see a narcissist cheater. I see a man who would use me and my emotions to validate him and not the other way around. I am doing well so far. I am happy, comfortable and in control of what I do and don't do. He doesn't get to judge me anymore. He doesn't get to control me anymore. And, as for the hurt he caused me, I have reached a point where I no longer care what he does.

The 180 is for you. To find yourself again. You need nobody else to validate you or to make you happy. You are worthy as an individual and your WS has nothing to do with who you really are. Enjoy the freedom. You will survive. You will be just fine without her.


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

in my opinion why would you want your wife back once she has decided to live with her AP. That would be the end of the marriage definitely for me.

I would never consider reconciling or nothing once she has made the move to live with the AP. Her actions of her moving in with the other man says she doesn't love, care, respect, or want to be with you anymore.

That should be eye opening to decide to just move on with your life and find someone else to make you happy. There's many many women in this world and you will find someone. 

She is not the only woman in the world so stop fretting over her, she has moved on without you so you need to do the same.


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