# Found make up on his shirt



## tibymia (Oct 12, 2014)

My man went out to the club last night and I found make up on his shirt. A little background on he and I, we have been together for about 2 years now.. Our anniversary is coming up in Dec. We have a 5 month old together.. We weren't planning to have a baby but we weren't preventing it either. He is the kind of man that couldn't wait to be a father so the news was exciting. He travels for work and his travel requirement increased after the baby got here, he travels 20 days out of the month, which I am taking hard because I didn't imagine having my first child by myself.. Even though we are technically together and he just travels.. The life change is so drastic to do just on my own.. I go to doc visits on my own, im the one that wakes up every night.. He gets to have his full nights sleep, every night. Its almost unfair.. But I don't think I have room to complain since this is his work that limits his time home. I know he isn't doing anything out there when traveling, he contacts me all the time, call and text messages before he goes to bed and when he wakes up and during his lunch breaks. He is consistent with communicating with me while out there, which I appreciate. He is a good father and provider to us and takes pride in that.
Last he has gone out the club was before we found out we were expecting, we went out together a lot, it was all we pretty much did on weekends was drink and go out. Since we found out he and I were expecting, all of that had stopped and we became home bodies. He went out once during my pregnancy when a buddy came into town and that's it.
Well this weekend his younger brother came into town to celebrate his 21st bday and they went out to clubs, strip clubs and got a hotel 2 nights out of the 4 night (Thursday- Sunday). I hated it.. I know women and how they get around him and i know he loves it.. Hes told me that it makes him feel good and that the reminder of knowing he can still "get it" is all he needs to fulfill some kind of male ego thing.. He says its better than actually having sex with women. 

His shirt is hanging in the dining room, and for some reason I got the urge to inspect it.. And found make up on it.. Looks like foundation smudged on the left top of his shoulder part of his shirt. 
I'm so upset.. He is sleeping right now.. I don't know how to approach the situation, he leaves for work tomorrow and want to approach the situation delicately.. I don't want to act like a child, we have a baby together and want to handle this as rational as possible. He is a very honest man, almost brutally honest.. He says I'm the liar.. Yes I do lie.. But over stupid **** like if I talk to my mom today.. Dumb ****.. Never over another man or cheating. 
How should I approach him about this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Investigate first. Cell phone would be a good start. And put that shirt away for now. 

It could be something as "innocent" as a stripper getting flirty/friendly. And since you were ok with him going out to the strippers, I guess that's ok. But if it was a one night stand, you may never find the truth unless he confesses. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tibymia (Oct 12, 2014)

And I have investigated... He handed me his phone.. Like he had nothing to hide. He had very few photos.. But I haven't checked his texts.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

tibymia said:


> And I have investigated... He handed me his phone.. Like he had nothing to hide. He had very few photos.. But I haven't checked his texts.


A man would have to be pretty dumb to give his number to some woman at a club when he has a woman at home. Just because there aren't texts doesn't mean he didn't do anything. Female makeup on his shirt tells a story.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

tibymia said:


> And I have investigated... He handed me his phone.. Like he had nothing to hide. He had very few photos.. But I haven't checked his texts.


There's a bunch of apps that allow you to send messages secretly. He can also delete messages, if they were there before. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You say he s brutally honest, why don't you ask him why there is makeup on his shirt. You might not like the answer but at least you will have one.


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## tibymia (Oct 12, 2014)

Yup pretty much.. I ask questions and I get answers that isn't what I want to hear.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What answers are you getting? What are you holding my we can tell you that he isn't?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Everything you told me indicates that your husband is a player and a cheater.

But by all means ask him what's up with that shirt.

And no, going out to clubs and strip joints is NOT appropriate or respectful of your relationship. Not at ALL (quite the opposite actually).


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Who is gone for 20 days a month and then when they get a chance to be home...chooses to spend several days away from home at strip clubs and such when they have a 5 month old baby at home? 

Wouldn't fly in my house. Nope. Sorry.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I have to wonder what he does when he is gone if he goes to strip clubs and lets women get close enough to leave makeup on him.

You should ask him about the makeup and keep your BS meter on.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

yeah something is definately wrong here. If a spouse is gone 20 days a month, then they get home, it is the STAY AT HOME one that deserves to go out partying with friends/relatives! he should be asking YOU "honey, i smell men's cologne on your blouse..."


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> yeah something is definately wrong here. If a spouse is gone 20 days a month, then they get home, it is the STAY AT HOME one that deserves to go out partying with friends/relatives! he should be asking YOU "honey, i smell men's cologne on your blouse..."


Perhaps that's a little extreme for her to lower her standards to what her husband does.

But that's correct.

he needs to get a new job and dedicate MORE time towards marriage/family.

Right now, his JOB is his priority, not you OP.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Anyone else missing the obvious here?

He took his little bro out for a good time on his birthday.

Two likely scenarios..

1. Guy got a lap dance. It's a strip club. He most likely bought two. One for him. One for his brother. Makeup smudged on his shirt.

2. Thus one I tend to think is more likely. In showing his bro a good time, they are flirting heavily with girls. One snuggled up to his bro, in their exclusive table bench sipping over priced crappy Canadian vodka that everyone seems to think is the cats azz nowadays. 
And he's got two around his shoulders. One just happened to do the cute, smile at his joke and put a head on his shoulder technique.

Yeah. I got all that from the above posts. But given his tendency to enjoy women flirting with him, I can see this transaction going down. It's just how a natural progression at the bar would play out in most cases.

As for what happened after...it's anyone's guess.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I didn't think strippers were suppose to be touching the men or the men touching a stripper.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

hugs can leave make up

we just can't know what is "nothing" and what is not.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

tibymia said:


> My man went out to the club last night and I found make up on his shirt.


not a transgender club again! Missing any panties dear?


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## Tommy509 (Feb 11, 2011)

Strippers can touch you. You just can't touch back. They do get close and it could happen, but seems unlikely. I agree with other posters that it's inappropriate at best, especially as much as he's gone.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: Found make up on his shirt*



Thebes said:


> I didn't think strippers were suppose to be touching the men or the men touching a stripper.


Yeah, that never happens.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Thebes said:


> I didn't think strippers were suppose to be touching the men or the men touching a stripper.


Is the term "lap dance" new to you? Different jurisdictions have different rules about what's allowed. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

and there is often a difference between what's allowed and what's done.


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## tibymia (Oct 12, 2014)

I live in Vegas so the rules herein stripclubs are bent most of the time. I did ask him.. He said idk honey maybe I was walking thru a busy nightclub and some how make smeared on my dress shirt. They came home after the club. And for the record.. He never goes out.. He spends all of his free time with me and the baby. It was just this 4 day weekend with his bro that I couldn't stand.. And he always asks me to go out and have gf time.. But i m so torn to have that gf time or have him and I time.. Since its so limited. 
We did spend the rest of our time before he left together and he seemed normal. Nothing out the ordinary at all. I will still keep my eye open tho.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tibymia said:


> I live in Vegas so the rules herein stripclubs are bent most of the time. I did ask him.. He said idk honey maybe I was walking thru a busy nightclub and some how make smeared on my dress shirt. They came home after the club. And for the record.. He never goes out.. He spends all of his free time with me and the baby. It was just this 4 day weekend with his bro that I couldn't stand.. And he always asks me to go out and have gf time.. But i m so torn to have that gf time or have him and I time.. Since its so limited.
> We did spend the rest of our time before he left together and he seemed normal. Nothing out the ordinary at all. I will still keep my eye open tho.


Tell us about his brother. Is he a friend of your marriage? good person? Sketchy?

Why didn't your husband invite you with them? 

And what the hell is he doing at a club?


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