# Spy Mattress



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

This can't be real but it's worth a laugh:

This Incredibly Creepy Mattress Tells You When Sex Is Happening*


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Some folks have too much money.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ultrasonic sensors are used for distance measurements, this calls for an accelerometer or two.... Probably April Fools day...


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

At least it doesn't feature an app that lets the user provide an electric zap to the occupants of the bed- non-lethal of course.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

john117 said:


> Ultrasonic sensors are used for distance measurements, this calls for an accelerometer or two.... Probably April Fools day...


I would think that a decent pattern recognition algorithm could pick out sex from an accelerometer (using SAX for motif discovery, for example). Strategically placed ultrasonics (multiple) could discriminate number, location, and size of people on the bed. Might also help filter between accelerometer readings caused by kids and pets playing on the bed versus grown adults. Weave an optical strain gauge into the pad, throw in a little sensor fusion for pattern recognition, and it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to infer the positions used. 

Don't know that I'd want the text telling me the details, but it's very doable.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Sure, ultrasonics could easily discern multiple "users"... Something like a Kinect on the headboard


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

If I had one I would hack the thing just to make porn graphs with my wife. To quote Revenge of the Nerds, "All nerds think about is sex "


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> I would think that a decent pattern recognition algorithm could pick out sex from an accelerometer (using SAX for motif discovery, for example). Strategically placed ultrasonics (multiple) could discriminate number, location, and size of people on the bed. Might also help filter between accelerometer readings caused by kids and pets playing on the bed versus grown adults. Weave an optical strain gauge into the pad, throw in a little sensor fusion for pattern recognition, and it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to infer the positions used.
> 
> Don't know that I'd want the text telling me the details, but it's very doable.


Howard Wolowitz is that you??:wink2:
I love big bang theory


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

ScrambledEggs said:


> This can't be real but it's worth a laugh:
> 
> This Incredibly Creepy Mattress Tells You When Sex Is Happening*


ROFLMFMFAO!!! The circuits would die from disuse in my house...


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

pplwatching said:


> I would think that a decent pattern recognition algorithm could pick out sex from an accelerometer (using SAX for motif discovery, for example). Strategically placed ultrasonics (multiple) could discriminate number, location, and size of people on the bed. Might also help filter between accelerometer readings caused by kids and pets playing on the bed versus grown adults. Weave an optical strain gauge into the pad, throw in a little sensor fusion for pattern recognition, and it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to infer the positions used.
> 
> Don't know that I'd want the text telling me the details, but it's very doable.


Apparently "doable" is the problem... :lol:


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I think a simple PAD would work. Stick it between the mattress and the box springs. But of course, its useless of your cheating #(&($#@ spouse is doing it on the floor, the sofa or at work.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

WhyMe66 said:


> ROFLMFMFAO!!! The circuits would die from disuse in my house...


Use automotive grade airbag accelerometer sensors, they're good for 10+ years of, ehem, dormancy 

Sounds familiar...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Get a Luminol lamp


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

CSI.......


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

They really missed an opportunity here. When the bed detects something is happening it should automatically take pictures from a camera hidden somewhere in the room. That way you'll not ony know that something happened, you'll know who did it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My First Axiom of All Technology is "Anything that can be used for sex, and anything else, will be used for sex"


I'm waiting for the internet of things to connect this mattress with a DNA database in the cloud.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You should be able to discern "users" by their, ehem, thrust patterns...

Maybe even sense starfish mode and offer verbal, ehem, encouragement...


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Runs like Dog said:


> Get a Luminol lamp


Or just get a black light...


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## CthulhuLives69 (Mar 14, 2016)

Sealy Posturepedic® from the 'Archer' Collection


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