# Revenge Urges



## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

Does anyone suffer from revenge fantasies?

I've gotten them bad lately....Want my h to catch me checking out another man...want him to find strange texts on my phone...I even put Craigslist up on my phone browser so he may find it open and think I am looking for another man! I want him to feel it all like I had to...

BTW...we were and are doing so much better. I don't know what even triggered this...

And the poss OW getting fired from work, LTR BF dumping her ass...like these are my daydreams...

Sick what this does to person. I know-this is immature and I am not going to actually act on it-but the feelings are so strong and vibrant.

Welcome any advice but guys do you think it's the lack of self esteem that is pushing this? And what do you guys think when my husband says he will never get jealous over me? He actually never has. Makes me feel like he doesn't think I could get anyone else and that is pushing this urge to prove him wrong...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Mrs1980 said:


> Does anyone suffer from revenge fantasies?
> 
> I've gotten them bad lately....Want my h to catch me checking out another man...want him to find strange texts on my phone...I even put Craigslist up on my phone browser so he may find it open and think I am looking for another man! I want him to feel it all like I had to...
> 
> ...


ahhhhhhhh the sweet taste of revenge.


It turns sour real fast!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You mean like tying her to the copilot's chair, and parachuting out the back?

Nah, never occurred to me.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

When I am working w/my heavy bag, pummelling it instead of the person who inspired my anger, I have plenty of revenge fantasies. I won't act on them, but there is some satisfaction in playing them out in my head.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Mrs1980 said:


> Does anyone suffer from revenge fantasies?
> 
> I've gotten them bad lately....Want my h to catch me checking out another man...want him to find strange texts on my phone...I even put Craigslist up on my phone browser so he may find it open and think I am looking for another man! I want him to feel it all like I had to...


It's not going to work. He's expecting it and it will make him feel that he's absolved for what he's done since he thinks you're doing it too. Part of the agony of being betrayed is that you weren't expecting it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think just being your own sweet self and pursuing your own interests because you enjoy them, and accepting compliments from other men when they are warranted is sufficient enough. When a guy has cheated and his W knows, he is already naturally on the alert for losing you. There is absolutely no need for active revenge. It's ready made in the cheating package. He already lost a part of you he will never get back. He will spend the rest of the marriage wondering about you and your private life. Especially if you don't bend over backwards to give ongoing and unwarranted assurances and the same transparency and limitations that he has earned for himself by cheating.

As for OW, she cannot even check out a book from the good looking librarian without her H giving her a cross-eyed look now. She has lost a lot as well. Her H will never trust her. She might never trust herself either. 

Guys, am I correct in this way of thinking?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think just being your own sweet self and pursuing your own interests because you enjoy them, and accepting compliments from other men when they are warranted is sufficient enough. When a guy has cheated and his W knows, he is already naturally on the alert for losing you. There is absolutely no need for active revenge. It's ready made in the cheating package. He already lost a part of you he will never get back. He will spend the rest of the marriage wondering about you and your private life. Especially if you don't bend over backwards to give ongoing and unwarranted assurances and the same transparency and limitations that he has earned for himself by cheating.
> 
> As for OW, she cannot even check out a book from the good looking librarian without her H giving her a cross-eyed look now. She has lost a lot as well. Her H will never trust her. She might never trust herself either.
> 
> Guys, am I correct in this way of thinking?


:iagree: :iagree:

Yes you are.

I divorced my cheating ex-wife, healed, and now have a new girlfriend. Guess who's dying now?


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

my revenge fantasy:
running OW down with H's pretty car.then pushing said car over a cliff.
then hooking up with a gorgeous young man and having H walk in as I'm orgasming.

*sigh* I'll never do it but it makes my day a little brighter thinking about it.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Currently have this revenge urge and realizing it is with in my power to do it:

Outing him to the rest of the family and our friends, completely. This one comes after he had the nerve to bring "her" with him to get his crap and flaunted her in my kids' faces. Didn't even tell them ahead of time that he was bringing her. I'm done protecting him and his image!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Having this kind of thinking won't help you! 

It won't do you any good. 

It is not good for your health. 

This kind of hatred will eat your health. 

For your own good and health, you have to forgive them and let it go. 

They are going to suffer from their own mistakes, maybe they are suffering now, you just don't see it. 

Please don't punish yourself by other people mistakes.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Having this kind of thinking won't help you!
> 
> It won't do you any good.
> 
> ...


 geez. I had NO idea this type of private little fantasy wasn't healthy. 

lol forgiveness takes a loooong time. I'll just have to take my chances with my health at the moment and use my little revenge fantasy to get me through until i can let that lovely light of forgiveness grace my presence.

In all seriousness, i get what you're saying.But it's an ideal that many people aren't ready to reach for just yet. Doesn't mean we don't already know forgiveness is the healthy goal we should have...we just aren't ready for it or the lecture about how we should be feeling.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> geez. I had NO idea this type of private little fantasy wasn't healthy.
> 
> lol forgiveness takes a loooong time. I'll just have to take my chances with my health at the moment and use my little revenge fantasy to get me through until i can let that lovely light of forgiveness grace my presence.
> 
> In all seriousness, i get what you're saying.But it's an ideal that many people aren't ready to reach for just yet. Doesn't mean we don't already know forgiveness is the healthy goal we should have...we just aren't ready for it or the lecture about how we should be feeling.


It takes time. 

I understand that. 

Please don't think that I never had this kind of revenge thinking. 

But the more I thought about it, the more I was disturbed, the more pain and hurt I felt. 

The only thing for me to achieve peace is to think that they are trash and they don't deserve to be in my mind!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

WhiteRabbit said:


> geez. I had NO idea this type of private little fantasy wasn't healthy.
> 
> lol forgiveness takes a loooong time. I'll just have to take my chances with my health at the moment and use my little revenge fantasy to get me through until i can let that lovely light of forgiveness grace my presence.
> 
> In all seriousness, i get what you're saying.But it's an ideal that many people aren't ready to reach for just yet. Doesn't mean we don't already know forgiveness is the healthy goal we should have...we just aren't ready for it or the lecture about how we should be feeling.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> It's not going to work. He's expecting it and it will make him feel that he's absolved for what he's done since he thinks you're doing it too. Part of the agony of being betrayed is that you weren't expecting it.


I don't agree. He expects she won't do the same at all.

My bet is if you ever did cheat on him, he'd lose it. "Can dish it out but can't take it." He WOULD be jealous and feel jilted/duped.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I don't agree. He expects she won't do the same at all.
> 
> My bet is if you ever did cheat on him, he'd lose it. "Can dish it out but can't take it." He WOULD be jealous and feel jilted/duped.


Yep. Cheaters don't like it when their betrayed spouses turn the tables and cheat on them.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm not a turn the other cheek kind of person but if they have to wake up every day being them, that's justice enough.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> You mean like tying her to the copilot's chair, and parachuting out the back?
> 
> Nah, never occurred to me.


RLD, there are times i agree with you 100% hands down. There ar times where you say things that make my mouth drop and I can only say OH MY GOSH (OMG). There are even times I strach my head and wonder what on earth your talking about but the times that make me keel over with laughter (like this one) is all very worth it.:lol::lol:


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Having this kind of thinking won't help you!
> 
> It won't do you any good.
> 
> ...


Maybe not but it sure makes you feel good.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I don't agree. He expects she won't do the same at all.
> 
> My bet is if you ever did cheat on him, he'd lose it. "Can dish it out but can't take it." He WOULD be jealous and feel jilted/duped.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

My husband had the nerve last month to get jealous because he saw a man talking to me on to different occassions. 
Him: whats up with him
Me: oh nothing
Him: I've seen him here yesterday and again today and your talking to him, does he like you
Me: yes
Him: Did he tell you that
Me: No, but I know he does, besides he comes every wk. Why are you jealous or something.
Him: YES!!
Me::rofl::rofl::rofl: and the I say.....awww how cute and then went back to wk

The nerve.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's his guilty conscience, SF.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It's his guilty conscience, SF.


Jellybean, agreed. Really if he were that jealous then his affair would have started. I would have has is undivided attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I think the best revenge is you live a better life than they do! 

When you live a happier and more organized life than they do, they don't mean anything to you any more. 

It is usually difficult to forgive a cheater, the trust and intimacy are just not there anymore. The best way for me is to move on and forget what happened, like Morituri does, find a better person and start my life all over again. 

Now I can laugh at those people who didn't respect me. To me, they are just trash, I don't want to waste my time thinking about trash, I have more important things to do!


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