# Stigma of being a Stay At Home Dad



## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> *For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.*
> /QUOTE]
> 
> :scratchhead:
> ...


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

She does. She knows it's best for us and our child. We have no one else to watch him. And she knows it's not my fault that I have not been hired. But I don't know if she appreciates the work I do. I could never outdo her. But I do work. And she will never eat what I make her. But she's a good woman and our marriage is working out better than it has.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

The most capable guy I know in my town is Joe. His kid is autistic and in first grade and the baby is maybe 2. His wife is an attorney. There is no way she could be doing her job if Joe wasn't there doing his. He is always so upbeat and capable. I have never seen him lose his cool. Just recently he had got his kid from the school and the kid being autistic broke away from him to run across the street where the crossing guard is. Joe yelled out to him loudly to stop. Of course he was behind a stroller, so that was all he could do at the time without running over any ladies or other kids, Joe is a big guy. Some lady rolled her eyes, like Joe was a bad guy for yelling out like that. She did not understand the kid was autistic, and that Joe had been a stay at home dad looking after him for all these years. Joe used to live next door to me, he introduced me to his wife, but still it's lonely. In addition to having an autistic kid who liked to run outside naked (we never had any issues with that, by the way, like he was 4 or 5 at the time and entitled so far as I'm concerned...it's normal in our area...rural) but I or any other lady friends who were moms could go and visit Joe inside for cup of coffee or anything like that, because people would talk and it wouldn't be doing him any favors. Anyway, I set the lady straight, hey, that kid is autistic, leave Joe alone, he is not yelling to be mean at the kid, he absolutely needs to break through the aura of silence in which that kid lives. Geesh! 

Anyway, take a look at Adam Jones Stay at Home Dad. This is a comedy video series created by another dad in our town. The husband and wife work out of NYC, they take turns watching the kids. I guess it's even more difficult for this guy cause he's a film maker...so nobody wants to talk to him because it would be too much like sucking up to film director from NYC. It is isolating life for these people. They try to acclimate to living in NH but they can never be natives, and because they have money and nice house, it's alienating for them. It doesn't need to be, but they're busy with work and kids. Once I saw Adam in the hallway going to an after school function, he mentioned fondue and I said that sounds really cheesy. I could have died. lol. 

Anyway, watch his stuff. Maybe it will make you laugh. It always just makes me cringe. But some people think it's funny. The guy is a real jerk (not Adam Jones, actually he and his wife are very sweet, I wish they were around town more than they are), the guy in stay at home dad is a real jerk. 

Anyway, don't let them get to you. You're doing a good job. I get the old work from home mom thing, how great it is to work from home. But it's isolating. Not too many people do this. Most of the moms who are home don't have to work, or are looking for work. The only time one of my friends came to my apartment, I got home from class and she'd come by to take a shower and use my phone and computer and to cook her kids dinner because her pos landlord didn't pay electric and disappeared and her electric was cut off, for a couple weeks. I did her groceries because her H took the car and disappeared for the afternoon he was supposed to come home from work but he stayed, I had to get groceries for them and I stayed to BBQ kielbasa and heat up beans on the grill. It was the best dinner party I've ever been to. She moved out of town, was planning to come back after the summer but didn't. 

Anyway, keep that stiff upper lip. Staying at home with kids, nobody knows what you are doing right now, but in a few years when your kid goes to school there is no hiding how they were brought up and what they know about people, life and the world, and the skills they have. I am sure your kid will shine, because you obviously care. 

Keep having fun and if someone says your wife supports you say that yes, the feeling between the two of you is mutual, and you support her too, and you are very lucky to have each other, and to have your love expressed in the creation of a family. Keep smiling!

I wish I had a guy to stay home. I work from home, but it would be nice to have a guy at home with me and to co-parent with. Today I dropped the ball on dinner. We ate, but not until 7. My laundry is still out on the line, and it will freeze tonight. The dishes are in the sink. I'm at the computer waiting for a query to run on a remote computer that requires keep-alives.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> She does. She knows it's best for us and our child. We have no one else to watch him. And she knows it's not my fault that I have not been hired. But I don't know if she appreciates the work I do.* I could never outdo her. But I do work. And she will never eat what I make her. But she's a good woman and our marriage is working out better than it has.*


Why do you sound so , self depreciating?
Are you tired of being a stay at home dad?


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

I am starting work with a new client at home. It is very isolating. I thought I would like it. I realize thinking positive does help me get through the project on a high note.

Yes, I am self depreciating. I guess I am depressed.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I hope you are taking walks and going to the playground or to a play group at a community center or to story time at the library or to parent and tot swim lessons or dance/gymnastics/music. You got to get out of the house and be with others, man or woman makes no difference. Mental health maintenance of the primary care giving parent is a must. If you fail at anything, do not fail at that.

Joe plays drums and he gets together with his friends who have a band. He can't do as many gigs, but he has his group. He knows he has his work cut out for him as the parent of an autistic kid. My kid is kind of on the autistic spectrum, so we talked about this a lot. Absolutely take care of your mental health, or your whole family will crumble. It's not just taking care of the kid, when you are in the home, you are the home-maker. Hence my user name. Wherever I am, I am making a home. Around me I want people to feel good, like they belong there. First step is looking out for myself. When I have to dig down and set boundaries, people call it selfish...but later when they really need me to be there for them, they're grateful I did take care of myself first.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What is left for your wife to do when she returns home from work?
And why won't she eat your cooking?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

You sound conflicted about your role. It might help to ask yourself these questions:

When you were a young man did you ever see yourself as a SAHD? Was it YOUR dream?

Are you doing this now because its something that makes you feel fulfilled or is it something that happened because of life circumstances?

If no children were involved would you be OK with a women supporting you for life?

I think the stigma is always going to be there because most of the time the SAHD is doing it for the wrong reasons. Either they can't hold a job, the wife makes more money or she can't stand to stay home herself. The only reason to be doing this is because it was your life's passion or the mother has abandoned her children.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Well I think Joe sounds like he is cut out for what he is doing and could likely write a book so others could follow his lead.

Mr. Potential? You need to find fulfilling work outside the home. If you do not your wife will not respect you in the long run. Relationships suffer a slow and painful death in this scenario. I know because I was a SAHD from 2003 until last May. Finding work outside the home has made an incredible difference in my relationship. My wife did not respect me. It is painfully obvious. People like to they they are new age thinkers but at the end of the day traditional roles are what they are and they rule the day more than anyone wants to admit.


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## Renegade (Nov 14, 2012)

Dude! Let me tell you something!! You are doing something that many men wish they could do. When i say that, I don't mean that they wish they could send their wives to work and stay home. I mean they wish they could handle being with their children 24/7. 

You're a freaking hero in my book! 

Little story... I just had a vasectomy. Our 4th child is 9 weeks old. I had to stay in bed for 4 days while I recovered. Couldn't pick up the kids, limited mobility. I tried to do the dishes, but I was just in the way. I got to hear what my wife goes through in a day when I am not home helping her. It's amazing that I can come home to a sane, sweet beautiful woman that appreciates what I do.

She needs to realize you're contribution is equally as important as hers.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


Now you know how a lot (including me) stay at home moms feel.

People assume you sit around all day and do nothing. You watch tv, go to the gym, have a nap, and then do nothing.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

RClawson said:


> Well I think Joe sounds like he is cut out for what he is doing and could likely write a book so others could follow his lead.
> 
> Mr. Potential? You need to find fulfilling work outside the home. If you do not your wife will not respect you in the long run. Relationships suffer a slow and painful death in this scenario. I know because I was a SAHD from 2003 until last May. The difference in my relationship has been incredible. My wife did not respect me. It is painfully obvious. People like to they they are new age thinkers but at the end of the day traditional roles are what they are and they rule the day more than anyone wants to admit.


My own husband did not respect me as a stay at home mom.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


Don't worry about what other guys feel, how do you feel. More importantly, how does your wife feel. As long as you have your self respect and your wife's respect, things should be cool. Be mindful of how your wife views you. If you loose her respect, problems can develop, including affairs. Anyway, being a stay at home dad shouldn't be your long term goal. You will have to focus on a career at some point.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Anyway, being a stay at home dad shouldn't be your long term goal. You will have to focus on a career at some point.


look at the economy right now, is that actually possible?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think if the OP was satisfied with being a stay at home dad,the title of this thread would not have started with the word " Stigma."

He has stated several times that he is conflicted.
There are questions to be answered.
Especially about his wife's attitude towards him and if she truly appreciates what he's doing.


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## betta (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm a stay-at-home-dad of sorts. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My son is autistic and my wife has a heart condition. She can't work, gets winded and has to rest if she's on her feet for more than 15 minutes. If it gets done in this house, I do it. I also work nights at a fast food restaurant to make the ends meet. I'm up most of the day, then most of the night. I go to school part time in order to get more money in the house and work toward something better for my son and wife. We're lucky that we have the VA to cover her medical expenses.

After all of that, I get the looks from most people I meet, some in class, some just out and about when I'm with my son alone during the day. Most people don't understand. They think men should work long and hard at demanding jobs. They think men aren't capable of raising children well, being patient enough, and being the parent a child needs them to be. 

That, my friend, is a load of crap that only shows how limited their concept of manhood is, and what their self-imposed limitations are. I guarantee you most of the people who scoff at me wouldn't last a month in my shoes without a mental breakdown. Just goes to show that they have no idea what I do, what I go through, and how hard I have to work to make sure everyone gets what they need.

But the real point of this story, aside from my bragging, which I often do because I don't get appreciated, is that if you're doing your best, then you've done your best. It doesn't matter what other people think of you. If you feel unappreciated, then tell your wife you feel unappreciated. Tell her to take her vacation and do your job for a week, then see how she feels about how much you do. 

She can't know what you need if you don't just tell her, but show her. Let her realize, with a little help, how much you do for both her and your kids. And demand some flowers, damn it. LOL You deserve it.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Being a stay at home dad is halfway to lose your partner's interest and respect. NOBODY shows a high level of respect to a STHD... At most they will be "fine" with it. And it isn't about the work you do or don't do. It's about the social recognition and the worth you attribute to it. 

Men are valuable in society for what they can bring that others can't. When you do something that basically anyone can that is willing (unless sickness gets in the way) then your worth drops. You become a spare part that can be easily replaced. And when a partner realizes that you can be replaced easily you're on the out path. 

Plus, it seems your wife isn't exactly showing you signs of appreciation! Ain't that a sign of something that isn't going right?

My advice is to get yourself a job. 



> is that if you're doing your best, then you've done your best. It doesn't matter what other people think of you.


Ok, but that doesn't mean that others will show you respect. They most likely won't.

I think it is great you're there for your kids. But you may soon find yourself in a poor state in your relationship for it. I know, this isn't fair, since men don't seem to have a problem with STHMs but women and men are not the same. The wires that drive our sexual attraction are very much different. 

Its about choices, and each one has consequences. Whatever makes you feel better man.


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

evry sahd I know (2) are miserable and complain that their wife dose not respect them.

It shouldn't be this way in todays world but it is men are supost to be the providers and if their not then the wife becomes the alpha dog and loses respect for their lesser husband.

and thats the way it is.

listen your not happy make a change. be the man!!!!!! go earn some bucks.

you will be much happier.

I'm not saying to just go find work ....come up with a plan get more schooling if you have to but don't waste away being the beta male.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> My own husband did not respect me as a stay at home mom.


Is that the entire story? It is a bit ambiguous.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I am starting work with a new client at home. It is very isolating. I thought I would like it. I realize thinking positive does help me get through the project on a high note.
> 
> Yes, I am self depreciating. I guess I am depressed.


Mr.Potential,

It sounds like you need a bit of encouragement, like many stay at home parents do. We all have individual needs. I wouldn't trade being a mother, I love my kids and appreciate the joy they bring to my life, but those first 5 yrs were difficult to say the least. I felt so isolated. I felt like my brain was going to mush. I was unplugged from the outside world, and although I was working my butt off I felt like my contribution was little. 
The bottom line is my identity was not/is not tied to being a Mom. I needed something else to keep me grounded and challenged so I recognized myself when I looked in the mirror.
I only wish I had given myself permision to go and get it before I did or that someone would have told me that I was not a terrible parent for wanting it!
So I am telling you that being a stay at home parent is hard and often times thankless. I am also telling you that the sacrifice that is involved with being a stay at home parent does not have to comsume you. You are depressed because you don't know who YOU are vs the Role you play as a stay at home parent. You need to connect with the outside world; you should make it something that has you in contact with people, like team sports, or some other club or organization. You need to feel like you have something to say, and people want to listen and/or be around you.
You are not a bad parent or husband for slicing out a bit of the pie for yourself.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


If staying home with your children is right for you & your family, you need to learn how to stop ruminating about what "others" think.

I worked full time with 2 children. I got "stigma" from the SAHMs & more "stigma" from my childless bosses & co-workers when I couldn't go to every after work party, etc.....

My point is that stigma exists for all kinds of things in life & your children are very lucky to have you home with them.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

the liberal one said:


> look at the economy right now, is that actually possible?


Yes


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

One real concern I have for SAHD is that IF the marriage has troubles then you are in a very weak position. If you think it is hard finding work now, imagine if you had to find work because you were now on your own. Like it or not folks while being a SAHD is more accepted than it used to be, the person who was activiely engaged outside their home in a professional capacity is going to get that job most of the time.

When searching for a mate most guys are less concerned about a woman having a top job. Most women look for a guy with a solid job. Even today.

Now all this assumes a marriage problem. But indeed not being respected by your wife IS a marriage problem. I am hearing that you stayed at home because you were having trouble finding work.
So maybe you need to up your education. What are you going to do when the children are in school?

Mainly though I am hearing you have been forced to be a SAHD and that this was not really your choice. That matters.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


It's not uncommon for a stay-at-home-parent to hear that their spouse 'supports them'. It's pretty common thing said here about women who are SAHMs. 

Read the threads about divorces.... where men say all the time that they have to give 'their' assets to some women who they supported for x number of years.

Yes there is a bit more stigma against men who stay at home, but it's not all that different from the stigma SAHMs get.

Working men are lauded as heros.

Generally working women with children are aften looked down on by a large segmant of the population because somehow it's seen as neglecting their children. Women get it whether they are SAHMs or working moms.

At least you have an out... you can work outside the home and be a hero.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> She does. She knows it's best for us and our child. We have no one else to watch him. And she knows it's not my fault that I have not been hired. But I don't know if she appreciates the work I do. I could never outdo her. But I do work. And she will never eat what I make her. But she's a good woman and our marriage is working out better than it has.


Why could you 'never outdo her'? In what way?

Why don't you have anyone else to watch your child? Isn't there daycare in your area?

How can you find a job if you are a SAHD? When do you get time to job hunt?

Why won't she eat what you cook? Why don't you cook things that she will eat?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I am starting work with a new client at home. It is very isolating. I thought I would like it. I realize thinking positive does help me get through the project on a high note.
> 
> Yes, I am self depreciating. I guess I am depressed.


Yes, working at home is isolating. Get into the client's office as much as possible.

Look for organizations in our area that are in the field you work in... attend them.

Start a SAHD group. Post it on Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

There are a lot of ways to get out of the house, meet people who are like you, find social interation... etc

Get it going man


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Why could you 'never outdo her'? In what way?
> 
> Why don't you have anyone else to watch your child? Isn't there daycare in your area?
> 
> ...


My wife wouldn't eat whatever I cook. I don't know why.
Things are working out right now with me watching our child.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> One real concern I have for SAHD is that IF the marriage has troubles then you are in a very weak position. If you think it is hard finding work now, imagine if you had to find work because you were now on your own. Like it or not folks while being a SAHD is more accepted than it used to be, the person who was activiely engaged outside their home in a professional capacity is going to get that job most of the time.


Wasn't this the same concern that fuelled the feminist movment. (independence, financial security and options)
Feminism, since its inception has been described as the catalyst for destroying the nuclear family, causing gender role confusion etc etc and now has fuelled the Alpha movement according to Dr. Glover. 

Why is it acceptable to use your argument above to support a SAHD, help him keep his options open, and try to help him maintain some sort financial security? 

Why is it any different for a SAHM?

I suppose the response is my gender and my primal instincts say I am not entitled to that support because I am going against the laws of nature and what is inherently my gender role.


Food for thought


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> My wife wouldn't eat whatever I cook. I don't know why.
> Things are working out right now with me watching our child.


Relax Mr. P

Not everyone is a good cook (male or female). You have to be taught. Have an straight forward conversation with your wife. You are taking on a lot of household stuff and she should not get to come home and put her feet up just because she earns a pay cheque. Tell her you need help in the kitchen, ask her to show you how to cook. Use a day on the weekend to cook meals together that you can freeze for the upcoming week...then all you have to do is thaw and re-heat. There are lots of options. 
Can she cook? If she can't cook either, take a class!!!! What a great way to get out, get some social interaction, and learn something all at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone I say.


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

This is an interesting thread that made me think of my pre-conceived notions and biases. If anyone of my friends decided to be a SAHD, i would find it troubling. Now, this isn't logical or right. There can be many perfectly valid and logical reasons why the male should be the one to stay home. It is part of my chauvanistic attitude. On the flip side, though, i think almost all women should work (outside the home). Even if it is part time and even if it does nothing to contribute to the household income. Just for their sanity and mental well being. Everyone should work and have adult time. I do applaud SAHM's and believe their job is a hard one and worthwhile. However, just like every other profession, all stay at home parents are not created equally. Not everyone(woman or man) can be a stay at home parent. My wife is a wonderful mother but would lose her mind if she stayed at home full time. There is no way i could do it either. I love my children dearly but i never enjoyed work as much, until i had them!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


It sounds like what women hear all the time.

Welcome to SAHParenting.

Women have felt this way for years and years. 

If it works for you and your wife, then that's all that matters. 

(i didn't read any other posts but the first)


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

StoneAngel said:


> Wasn't this the same concern that fuelled the feminist movment. (independence, financial security and options)
> Feminism, since its inception has been described as the catalyst for destroying the nuclear family, causing gender role confusion etc etc and now has fuelled the Alpha movement according to Dr. Glover.
> 
> Why is it acceptable to use your argument above to support a SAHD, help him keep his options open, and try to help him maintain some sort financial security?
> ...


Because the OP is a man. A SAHD. I am a man. I am not going to cater to anyone elses agenda here. I am looking to advise him as a man.

I think he puts himself in jeopardy here. YMMV. 

His comments indicated he needed to stay home becuase he was having trouble finding work, not because this is what he wanted to do.

This sounds like a man reaching out for help IMO.

I think it is great he can have time with his children. Children need a father in their lives. Quaility time with them is essential. But I think he is sacrificing all for this and should seek a better balance in his life. If he were my personal friend this is what I would be telling him.


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## bobby5 (Mar 21, 2011)

Im a seperated dad of 2. I only see them every 2nd weekend. I speak to them on the phone every evening. I am in a good job and have a senior position. i am very unhappy. Stay at home dads rock. I cant be one cause i messed up my relationship and have to finance homes for me and seperately for my ex and children. Im on good money but caught in a trap. im on the ferris wheel. dont underestimate how great your position is. Ignote anyone who sees a stigma with it. Again...You rock. I mean it.
I would like your opinion on my position
See http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...nseling-end-all-hope-me-help.html#post1232658


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

Mr.PotentialFulfilled said:


> I feel I and many other men are stigmatized for being a stay at home dad. I fear many relatives, friends and neighbors think I sit home and do nothing. I just had a fall out with a friend who said my wife supports me. I hope they know I work around the house and take care of our child. For that matter, I hope my wife knows the work I do. I just don't like the stigma being a stay at home dad brings.


Don't take it personal they think this about SAHMs as well. They immediately picture us watching Oprah and eating bon bons. The world has switched gears over the years. Being a sahp used to be a honorable thing. Now most people don't see the benefit although these very people will be quick to criticize you for not being there for your children enough 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. What can I say. Being a dependent does make me feel down though. I hate the thought of my husband having to support me, but I can't feed into the negativity or it will just transfer over to my dh. If your wife is okay with this arrangement then she, you and your children are all you need to worry about. Tell everyone else to kick rocks with open toe shoes on.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

StoneAngel said:


> Relax Mr. P
> 
> Not everyone is a good cook (male or female). You have to be taught. Have an straight forward conversation with your wife. You are taking on a lot of household stuff and she should not get to come home and put her feet up just because she earns a pay cheque. Tell her you need help in the kitchen, ask her to show you how to cook. Use a day on the weekend to cook meals together that you can freeze for the upcoming week...then all you have to do is thaw and re-heat. There are lots of options.
> Can she cook? If she can't cook either, take a class!!!! What a great way to get out, get some social interaction, and learn something all at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone I say.


:iagree:

I know SAHMs who can't cook. Nobody's perfect so don't feel bad.

Top Misconceptions About Stay-at-Home Dads


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I think he puts himself in jeopardy here. YMMV.


Anyone in this position puts themselves in jeopardy. I don't care if you are a male or a female the consequences are pretty much the same.Being out of the work force for any amount of years doesn't look good on a woman or man's resume.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I was a SAHM, it was just awful. Granted, my ex was a jerk and made me BEG for any money whatsoever and would question ANYTHING I bought and would comb through grocery receipts while he spent 100s on computer stuff. It was SO HARD to leave because I had no income. No career. Once I started working and he started demanding that I give him my paycheck for bills (nevermind that he made 120,000 a year and I made 28,000), I took my first 2 paychecks, cashed them, and left. 

I really think it's a risk for anyone to take. it's good for the kids, but...unless there are AWESOME boundaries and stuff for the adults in regards to money, access to it and free time, then it sucks. He'd work, I was home. He'd come home, eat, go out and I'd be stuck at home. Laaaame.

I think MOST people feel unappreciated. Whether they are SAHP or the bread winners, people start to take their spouses for granted. Gotta remember to say "thanks for the hard work, babe". It helps.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

Always a good idea to keep your hand in, so to speak, where employment is concerned.

Even if you can just work one half day a week and only just break even where childcare costs are concerned it's well worth it coz you'll have something to put on your resume and have someone who can give you a recent reference. Bonus is you get a change of environment and a feeling of worthiness (NOT to say SAHMs or SAH Dads are unworthy of course) but there are some that do not value them.

Volunteering outside the home is another option well worth considering.


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