# Building up hatred



## DiamondsandRust (Jan 21, 2014)

well, i'm almost divorced. decided to go 50/50 on the custody with the kids. 

already got over my stbxw, how ever. there's things she does that really piss me off. 

not sure if i should be getting pissed or why i get pissed. 

after she cheated on me, i lost total trust on her, all the lies, lie after lie to cover up the affair. it was just too much to handle. 

anyways, what she has been doing lately when she has the kids, she goes to her friends house. 

i hate that friend cause she had a lot to do with the affair. she helped her. i know she didnt force her but she made things easier. 

she goes to her friends house with my kids and leaves them there. my son is 6 so he kind of knows what's going on, she tells him she is going to work, at night? when she works day time. and leaves my kids there. 

pisses me of, not sure why. 

maybe cause she's not doing her job as a parent. 
maybe cause she's leaving the kids with the person i hate. 
i dont want her back and dont care if she's seeing someone else. 
she's such a callous person with no spine. 

always blackmailing me about child support. 
hell i havent worked for 6 months now due to my adhd. 
she works. 

i take care of the kids 4 days a week so she can go to work. 
fridays she doesnt work. 

every time she tells me she has work on friday, i wonder if she's telling me truth or just lying. 

last week she said she had work friday and monday off. 
i found out she took the kids to her friends on monday and told my son she has work. 
then friday she was off, said she called out? 

it's just so damn hard to even try to put a bit of trust on such a person. 

the worst part is 16 more years of this bs. 

i can keep going and going but i'll cut it short. 

any comments or points of view are welcome. thanks


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Well anger can be a great motivator as long is it is not pointed towards revenge.

Can I be so bold to suggest documenting her "neglect of your children" and then finding some legal resources to get 100% of your kids?

I know money is extremely tight for you, but if you have time, you might as well use it to make sure your kids are safe.

Best of luck friend,
Stretch


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Absolutely make sure your kids aren't being neglected. Having the kids watched by another adult is not neglect-just bad parenting. You can request that anytime the kids will be with a "sitter" for longer than two hours, you get the right to take them.

You probably won't like this...
At some point, you are gong to have to get over the fact that you cannot force her to be a good parent. If the kids are being neglected you might get more than 50% custody, but it won't change the fact that when the kids are in her custody, it is what it is.
And trust me when I say I know what a bad parent looks like-I divorced one.


----------



## DiamondsandRust (Jan 21, 2014)

she always says it's not my business where she goes, how ever i tell her, no it's not and i dont care. "but if it affects the kids, it affects me"

after posting this up, i went and read a few things. 

found out that hatred is not the answer. 

to be indifferent is the answer. 

anger will only make that person stay in your mind. so i chose not to take that route and after realizing that it's not worth the energy. i started calming down and feeling better. today i woke up refreshed and feeling good. 

so from now on. i wont waste any more energy on negative thoughts.


----------



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

DiamondsandRust said:


> she always says it's not my business where she goes, how ever i tell her, no it's not and i dont care. "but if it affects the kids, it affects me"
> 
> after posting this up, i went and read a few things.
> 
> ...


Yes, anger can motivate you. Hatred will eat you alive. I am working on getting rid of my hatred...and there is scads of it.  Every time I feel the negativity overwhelming me, I try to redirect. If that doesn't work. I go out for a run. Let's just say I am looking damn fine. :smthumbup:


----------

