# Pros and Cons of On-line dating



## southbound

Has anyone here tried E-Harmony, Match, or some of the other sites? If so, how did it work for you? Would you recommend it?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

I have a friend who met her husband on E-Harmony about 3 years ago. Both of them were previously married and divorced. They had busy schedules with work and children. Meeting someone from a website seemed like the best route to them.

I believe both feel they kind of rushed into things. I am aware of the fact she feels that way. Just six months after meeting, they decided marriage was in their future and followed through with a wedding about 12 months later. Finding time to spend together between kids and work for both of them was hard. They never did overnighters when either he or she had their children. I’m guessing marriage seemed like the thing for them to do so they’d be able to enjoy time together and still set the right example for their children.

The issues they experience do not seem to be because they are not alike, the problems seem to originate with kids and ex-spouses. Those problems filter into their relationship and although they are determined to stick things out, I can see how this marriage has been very stressful on her in the short-time they have been together.

Anyhow ……. When this friend first met her husband, all of us other single friends were like “Hey! Maybe this online dating thing could be ok.” I still haven’t tried it and the other friends who had signed up for it, gave it a shot for awhile and then decided it wasn’t all it was attributed to being.


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## LonelyNLost

There are definitely pros and cons. And I think the site you choose will affect that as well. For example, Plenty of Fish has the largest pool of potentials, but it's free, and that means there's a lot of people with no substance on there. But then if you go with Christian Mingle or Single Parent Meet, you have to pay, and that will narrow the field of those not serious. 

Pros: 
-Pre-screening, you can find out something about the person and see if you click on an intellectual level before meeting.
-You could weed out the losers, based on certain must-haves you require.
-No hanging out at bars, better chance of finding someone like yourself.
-Good for busy people, or those with children.


Cons:
-Might be a scam artist, nothing like they describe themselves
-Could totally look nothing like the person
-You build a false sense of chemistry by talking to them and texting and becoming friends over the phone, then you meet and there's no spark.
-Risky! (But I guess this could go for in life dating as well.)

*I'm sure there's more as I debate this with friends often. But in my experience, this is the gist of what I feel.


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## Scannerguard

I'll give you one more con. . .and I think someone mentioned researchers have studied this - it can kind of "confuse" you because you get this sense there are "Plenty of Fish" so to speak but really there are not. . .so you are never sure what the other person is thinking. . .like you are on job interviews constantly for the position of "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" but they have these other "contacts" - a hazard of our e-social media world.

You meet someone but there's so many other choices so it's hard to make a commitment.

It's honestly "just a medium". . .neither evil or good.


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## TNgirl232

Met my hubby on eharmony. My second marriage and his first. I have a teenage daughter. We've been together almost five years and married for three. Never been happier in my life!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zulu

LonelyNLost said:


> -You build a false sense of chemistry by talking to them and texting and becoming friends over the phone, then you meet and there's no spark.


Think this is the biggest danger, you have never met, but when you do, there is nothing and you have your "virtual heart" broken...


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## Oak

I do not see anything wrong with using Online dating, but if I start doing it I definitely would not use it beyond one or two conversations before arranging some kind of public meeting. A coffee break, walk in the park, lunch...something non-threatening with a clear end. That way you can have a chance to talk and then part ways. If they don't call again, they don't call again, but at least you are out of the house, off the computer, and keeping those opposite sex socialization skills in use.


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## Thorn407

I used POF.com When I meet my STBXW. We really hit it off back then. but looking back on it now I was one in a million to her. she was looking for some guy to play the roll of daddy to her son. And I fell for it like a bee to honey.


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## LonelyNLost

Scannerguard said:


> like you are on job interviews constantly for the position of "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" but they have these other "contacts" - a hazard of our e-social media world. You meet someone but there's so many other choices so it's hard to make a commitment.


I've encountered this. I meet a nice guy, but not ready to put all my focus on him. Or I go out with a guy, and he is on the dating website 24/7 fishing for other girls. It is definitely a weird dynamic. You don't know if they are just talking to you or also talking to a whole slew of other people. Don't like that aspect!



Zulu said:


> Think this is the biggest danger, you have never met, but when you do, there is nothing and you have your "virtual heart" broken...


Exactly. That's what happened with the first guy I met off pof.com. He is like in love with me, and he turned out to be way too dorky to even get past. He will be a friend, but that's IT. His heart is broken. 



Oak said:


> I definitely would not use it beyond one or two conversations before arranging some kind of public meeting. A coffee break, walk in the park, lunch...something non-threatening with a clear end. That way you can have a chance to talk and then part ways. If they don't call again, they don't call again, but at least you are out of the house, off the computer, and keeping those opposite sex socialization skills in use.


This is the attitude I have about it right now. I'm not looking to date, hell I'm not even divorced yet. But there's nothing wrong with getting out of the house and meeting new people. One guy I really do like, and I can see as a potential, but he's such a good Christian boy he won't meet me until I'm divorced. Kind of struggling with that, because that's a lot of expectation to hold out for.


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## Scannerguard

You meet all types too. . .I just went out with a 29 year old.

We really, really, REALLY hit it off online.

We met in person. . .eh. . .it wasn't like fireworks but we had a good time.

She's now wanting a committmnet after 1 date.

Here's the thing I have discovered being an "Ex-Nice-Guy."

There are a lot of women out there who, for whatever reason, end up with a jerk for a "first guy." Probably the "jock" in high school, or more likely, the "bad boy" that women fall for - it's genetic - they want the good genes. A lot of the women out there really seem to be with alcoholics, they don't get involved AT ALL with parenting and so forth. That's fine.

Then. . .circa age 28. . .they have an epiphany:

Remember that guy who I used to sit next to in biology who was really shy? Yeah, I want *him *now. Now that I have the "good genes", I'll get the nice guy to father my offspring.

Only that guy isn't that guy anymore and is less than thrilled at her biological motives.

That's the internal issue I am struggling with dating.

I am flattered to have these women throwing themselves at me but where were you 15 years ago?

However, I really do like this 29 year old. She had a pretty screwed up childhood and it's amazing she's pretty functional at age 29 as much as she is. 

42 and 29 may actually be a perfect age mix.


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## Zulu

Scannerguard said:


> 42 and 29 may actually be a perfect age mix.


Oh yes, perfect for you... plenty plenty Kelloggs for you.

I found the same with teh dating thing, in the city that I live, namely C ape T own, the woman out number the guys by quite a big ratio, and add to that, there is a huge gay population here, so the pickings get slim. I know I am no G eorge C loooney or B rad P itt, but no slouch either, and the amount of woman that come after you, is quite scary, yes, it actually is.

The sad thing is that so many of these woman have been in such terrible relationships, you have to hear their stories.... but yeah.. think O-L-D is pretty much in the favour of the guy, because the fems are getting older, and the attraction powers are getting less, it is such a cruel and mean thing, but it is true, you just cannot deny it.


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## LonelyNLost

I see what you're saying scannerguard, they want "safe" after having their bad boy. I'd just be really careful of their motives. 

I'm new to this online dating, and I'll tell you I've met all types. Of the dozen or so dudes I've talked to on the phone or via text, I only chose to meet 3 of them (working on the 4th one now). And luckily, they were all gentlemen. Probably definitely fall into the nice guy category, for sure. But that's okay. I have my children, I have my job, I am at a point in my life where I feel secure, I just want companionship. Not some caveman. But alpha is definitely more attractive, and when you go out with the guy and he says, "I'm so nervous around you because I'm really interested and I'm afraid I'm going to do or say something stupid." That's a big turn off! So I'd say there's a happy medium. 

I stand by my assertion that 95% of people on the free dating sites have some sort of issue. They have to. It's just figuring out the issue that's the key!


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## southbound

Scannerguard said:


> I'll give you one more con. . .and I think someone mentioned researchers have studied this - it can kind of "confuse" you because you get this sense there are "Plenty of Fish" so to speak but really there are not. . .


I signed up for E-Harmony Just to see what would happen. I've been on a couple of weeks. I tried to be completely honest with the questions but i didn't include a picture of myself. I put down a 60 mile radius. So far, I only have 2 matches. 




Scannerguard said:


> Here's the thing I have discovered being an "Ex-Nice-Guy."
> 
> There are a lot of women out there who, for whatever reason, end up with a jerk for a "first guy." Probably the "jock" in high school, or more likely, the "bad boy" that women fall for - it's genetic - they want the good genes. A lot of the women out there really seem to be with alcoholics, they don't get involved AT ALL with parenting and so forth. That's fine.
> 
> Then. . .circa age 28. . .they have an epiphany:
> 
> Remember that guy who I used to sit next to in biology who was really shy? Yeah, I want *him *now. Now that I have the "good genes", I'll get the nice guy to father my offspring.
> 
> Only that guy isn't that guy anymore and is less than thrilled at her biological motives.
> 
> That's the internal issue I am struggling with dating.
> 
> I am flattered to have these women throwing themselves at me but where were you 15 years ago?.



My x wife had the opposite reaction. I've always been the nice guy, and that is what she wanted when we were teens. But apparently I didn't have enough edge, so after 18 years, she is bored and wants something more.




LonelyNLost said:


> I stand by my assertion that 95% of people on the free dating sites have some sort of issue. They have to. It's just figuring out the issue that's the key!


I agree. It may not even be anything bad that sets them apart, but there is some kind of issue that sets them apart from the average crowd as far as relationships are concerned. It may be wrong in me, but when I see a gorgeous woman who is in her 30s or 40s and has never been married, I think something is up. They could have had men lined up for blocks, so there has to be something.


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## Scannerguard

> I tried to be completely honest with the questions but i didn't include a picture of myself. I put down a 60 mile radius. So far, I only have 2 matches.


No pictures will reduce your chances of interest exponentially.


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## southbound

Scannerguard said:


> No pictures will reduce your chances of interest exponentially.


If I understand E-harmony, though, they automatically show the people I matched with according to my answers. The fact that I only matched 2 in a 60 mile radius must mean I am unusual. It did give me tips on how to increase my matches. Some questions had a scale of "Not important" to "very important" on things like smoking. It suggested that if I ease up on the importance of some of those things, I would probably get more matches.


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## caughtdreaming

LonelyNLost said:


> I see what you're saying scannerguard, they want "safe" after having their bad boy.


This holds some truth. 
After marrying a "bad boy" I will be running in the other direction when I'm ready to date again.
Not that I'll be looking for a nice guy to raise a kid, I don't have any. 
Just someone stable with a functional brain would be nice.


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## ThinkTooMuch

southbound said:


> Has anyone here tried E-Harmony, Match, or some of the other sites? If so, how did it work for you? Would you recommend it?


I used PoF.com and *******.com (both free) over eight months. Met interesting and interested women on both, am now extremely happy with a woman I met on the latter. We were on-line at the same time, she rated me a 5, I did the same and contacted her using *******'s messaging system, we met a few days later and found we really liked each other. Four days after that meeting we had our second date and found we were soul mates, male and female spirits with incredibly similar minds and bodies that match perfectly. Being more than a bit of an introvert with no local friends meant on-line dating was the only reasonable approach for me.

We quickly switched from *******'s messaging to our email address and flirted a great deal. Neither of us likes cell phones so we didn't use them at all - the delays really get in the way of communications.

A fair number of the women I've dated had a difficult time finding suitable dates, then again if they had found compatible men they wouldn't be dating. YMMV. The wonderful woman I'm with now talks about dates that were awful beyond words during the 18 months prior to meeting me.


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## Malibu17

Several months ago, I tried Pof, eHarmony, Match.com and a couple of other sites. I had the best luck with Match, even though I didn't meet anyone I was interested in for a long term relationship.

I recently signed up for Match and eHarmony again, to give them a second try...maybe better luck this time? I also joined Are You Interested on Facebook.


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## Jellybeans

Online dating doesn't appeal to me in the least. It does seem to work for others though. I just don't like the entire concept.


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## ThinkTooMuch

*Interesting article in The New Yorker*

The New Yorker has a very interesting article on On Line Dating.

Online Dating: Sex, Love, and Loneliness : The New Yorker

enjoy and learn


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## Kauaiguy

southbound said:


> If I understand E-harmony, though, they automatically show the people I matched with according to my answers. The fact that I only matched 2 in a 60 mile radius must mean I am unusual. It did give me tips on how to increase my matches. Some questions had a scale of "Not important" to "very important" on things like smoking. It suggested that if I ease up on the importance of some of those things, I would probably get more matches.


The problem is, if you ease up on what is important to you then you are NOT going to find what you're really looking for.

All it takes is ONE and if you can only get two matches but they match your requirements, then there's a possibility of something really working out.

I once told a buddy that if there's something you don't like about your women friends, then be wary of it because if you do end up with them, your dislike of whatever it is will increase ten fold.

So stay with your requirements and hope for the best.


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## that_girl

Jellybeans said:


> Online dating doesn't appeal to me in the least. It does seem to work for others though. I just don't like the entire concept.


:iagree:

I have met my boyfriends (and now husband) just out and about in the world...randomly. My husband was my mechanic 

I have friends, however, who met their spouses online and it's worked wonders for them.


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## Freak On a Leash

Scannerguard said:


> 42 and 29 may actually be a perfect age mix.


Depends on what you want. In my mid 40s I'm done having kids, almost done raising them and am looking forward to being free and unencumbered. I don't want ANY ties whatsoever. 

Now when I was 29 I was planning on having a family.. and was pregnant at 31 and 35. So the question is? Does this 29 year old woman want to settle down and have a family in the next decade?? Are you going to be wanting go have babies in your mid to late 40s?

Now for ME, a 29 year old guy would be great because I need someone that age who can keep up with me and we'd have the same taste in music.


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## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> Online dating doesn't appeal to me in the least. It does seem to work for others though. I just don't like the entire concept.


:iagree: Amazing how alike we are..I feel the same way. :smthumbup: Too much uncertainty. I'm not interested in dating but I'd want to meet people through friends, mutual interests, hobbies. It's just the way I roll. For others, it may work out fine. More power to them. IMO, online dating is a great option for some so why not use it? 

Years ago, after I broke up with my first boyfriend/fiancee I was lonely and looking and went with a dating service (before the term "online" was a reality) and it went pretty badly and eventually I canceled it. Then I hooked up with my H, who was an old friend. Thought it was a sure bet. Guess not. 

So nothing is certain. What I do know is that I am not in the least lonely or bored and don't have any burning desire to meet anyone.


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## Jellybeans

Hehe . You're my long lost sister, Freak! I too have zero desire to date or meet anyone!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

Yeah, 25 years ago I played the "Break Up and Run Out looking for Someone Else" game and have been paying for it ever since. I guess the only good thing is that the result of it all is two great kids so it wasn't a total loss. 

Now? I just want peace and fun. No hassles. NO commitments.


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## Jellybeans

Yeah going from one relationship to another is usually a disaster. Good for u for taking it slow and not rushing!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

:rofl:Rushing? Heck, I'm running in the opposite direction!


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## AppleDucklings

I used the plenty of fish and the ******* sites. ******* I really didn't like and deleted it within a week of putting it up. POF I do like and I had it up for about 3 months and have recently deleted that too. I deleted it because I wanted to take a break. Maybe someday I'll do another one but not right now. However, I did meet a guy from pof that I am now talking with. I haven't met him in person yet though and I'm not sure sure how to read into that. When we talk, we can talk for hours and we do talk for hours. We have phone conversations that last from like 2 to 4 hours. I do wish I could meet him and see if we have the same chemistry in real life as we do online.


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## goincrazy

I'm not having much luck with the online dating sites. I like to call plenty of fish, "plenty of freaks". lol! I get so many creeper e-mails that it just turns me off from the site completely. I did start e-mailing one guy from there for a couple of days, and then he completely flipped out on me when I didn't get back to him right away. Hello, red flag! We hadn't even met yet! I get lots of "I love you" and "will you marry me" type e-mails. I can't take it seriously now. Match.com seems to have more genuine people who seem to take things more seriously. I went on a date with a guy who I thought looked cute in his profile picture, and I was so disappointed when I met him. He did not look like his picture. I really prefer to meet someone in person and flirt with him and see if there is a mutual attraction. Then I can tell if I want to take a chance and go out with him. IDK...I'm getting discouraged!


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## 52flower

Does it help to subscribe to online sites that you have to pay for? I heard that you have to do a lot of filtering with the free online sites. Several friends have had excellent long-term success with Chemistry.com and I think eHarmony also. I, myself, have no experience with any online site thus far but friends keep pushing me in that direction. It'll be a while; I'm still recovering from a long drawn-out abusive relationship.


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## goincrazy

52flower said:


> Does it help to subscribe to online sites that you have to pay for? I heard that you have to do a lot of filtering with the free online sites. Several friends have had excellent long-term success with Chemistry.com and I think eHarmony also. I, myself, have no experience with any online site thus far but friends keep pushing me in that direction. It'll be a while; I'm still recovering from a long drawn-out abusive relationship.


There is a lot less "filtering" with the pay sites. POF is almost all filtering, and that makes me weary of anyone who e-mails me on that site. Match.com seems to have the most members for a paying site (that I've found), but I just haven't seen anyone I'm interested in going out with.


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## 52flower

I've heard the same and agree with you. Match.com probably has the biggest audience of subscribers but everyone and anyone can view. I understand that with Eharmony & Chemistry it isn't necessarily open for anyone to see. Well...all this info and I haven't taken the plunge. Good luck to all of you are online daters. Hopefully you can share good advice for us who are new at it. Guess I'm not quite there yet.


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## 52flower

I've heard the same and agree with you. Match.com probably has the biggest audience of subscribers but everyone and anyone can view. I understand that with Eharmony & Chemistry it isn't necessarily open for anyone to see. Well...all this info and I haven't taken the plunge. Good luck to all of you are online daters. Hopefully you can share good advice for us who are new at it. Guess I'm not quite there yet.


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## CalifGuy

southbound said:


> Has anyone here tried E-Harmony, Match, or some of the other sites? If so, how did it work for you? Would you recommend it?


E-Harmony sucks balls. I loved Match and dated prolifically from women I met on Match following my separation 5 years ago and during my 14 month long divorce. Eventually, after a couple relationships, including a serious 15 month relationship that didn't work out, I met my now wife on Match.

The thing about E-Harmony is that they don't allow direct contact between their members until you jump through a number of hoops.

Match, on the other hand, you can contact others directly and be talking to them immediately or on a date immediately...it leaves it in the hands of the members. I didn't like E-Harmony thinking I was not capable of picking my own dates and I liked the instant gratification of Match.

All in all, I probably went out with 80 or 90 different women between my separation, divorce and to when I finally hooked up with my now wife. I would not trade that experience for the world and I learned so much in that 2.5 year span about what I wanted and what I didn't want, that I felt ready to remarry when I did meet my wife and she and I have been attached at the hip ever since and in 3.5 years have spent maybe 4 or 5 nights apart since our first date (not that this works for everybody, but it is what I prefer).

There were times on Match that dating did get exhausting but that is because I went overboard and was dating 4 or 5 times a week between relationships because I didn't want to settle and really waited each time until a woman really stood out from the others. That worked for me.

Bad thing about Match for some may be that others can see when you are online, how long it has been since you have last been online and, hopefully, you are ready to remove your profile at the same time as the person you are dating is ready to remove their profile. But, that is really a minor thing and if you two people aren't in the same place, well, then it is time to move on anyhow.

Best of luck and have fun and be safe. Always meet your first date at the location of the date and it is not even asking too much to get tested for STD's before having unprotected sex...did that with two of my eventual girlfriends.


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## Freak On a Leash

CalifGuy said:


> All in all, I probably went out with 80 or 90 different women between my separation, divorce and to when I finally hooked up with my now wife. I would not trade that experience for the world and I learned so much in that 2.5 year span about what I wanted and what I didn't want, that I felt ready to remarry when I did meet my wife and she and I have been attached at the hip ever since and in 3.5 years have spent maybe 4 or 5 nights apart since our first date (not that this works for everybody, but it is what I prefer).
> 
> There were times on Match that dating did get exhausting but that is because I went overboard and was dating 4 or 5 times a week between relationships because I didn't want to settle and really waited each time until a woman really stood out from the others. That worked for me.


Wow, after being in a nasty relationship and divorce you didn't want ANY time for yourself? Just to kick back with friends or be by yourself? I find that amazing....

Well, I guess that's what they mean by "different strokes". Interesting. :scratchhead:

Congrats on finding someone else that makes you happy.


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## NoIssues

Met my wife online and had many nice dates prior to that. 

I LOVEd it because it was efficient. Why?

1. Dont need to figure out if someone is available 
2. Can weed out the immediate DQ's 
3. Can hone in on the vitals
4. Level of interest is high for all members
5. Level of seriousness is high
6. Very fast even better than speed dating


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## Lon

NoIssues said:


> Met my wife online and had many nice dates prior to that.
> 
> I LOVEd it because it was efficient. Why?
> 
> 1. Dont need to figure out if someone is available
> 2. Can weed out the immediate DQ's
> 3. Can hone in on the vitals
> 4. Level of interest is high for all members
> *5. Level of seriousness is high*6. Very fast even better than speed dating


#5 is the only thing I question... perhaps the pay sites cut through this barrier, but I find the free ones have a high number of flaky individuals (the women at least). I suspect a lot of women (and some men too) are just using it to validate themselves, play around a bit and feel it out. I've had a couple confirmed dates that flaked out at the last moment and just stopped communication cold. Most of the physically attractive ones never even reply (though I guess they are inundated), perhaps my profile is just lame or I just suck at making connections, but I've tried a few different approaches all with the same lack of response, I think I'm better off in person than wasting more time looking at a screen.


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## NoIssues

Lon said:


> #5 is the only thing I question... perhaps the pay sites cut through this barrier, but I find the free ones have a high number of flaky individuals (the women at least). I suspect a lot of women (and some men too) are just using it to validate themselves, play around a bit and feel it out. I've had a couple confirmed dates that flaked out at the last moment and just stopped communication cold. Most of the physically attractive ones never even reply (though I guess they are inundated), perhaps my profile is just lame or I just suck at making connections, but I've tried a few different approaches all with the same lack of response, I think I'm better off in person than wasting more time looking at a screen.


Site I used was a free aol service 13 years ago called [email protected]

It no longer exists as far as I know. My info is out of date but it is a success story. 

I met some flakes but I was pretty successful but I was in advertising and can write some sizzling copy. :rofl:

If you arent dping well then you need to write a better profile and get a haircut :lol:


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## Lon

NoIssues said:


> Site I used was a free aol service 13 years ago called [email protected]
> 
> It no longer exists as far as I know. My info is out of date but it is a success story.
> 
> I met some flakes but I was pretty successful but I was in advertising and can write some sizzling copy. :rofl:
> 
> If you arent dping well then you need to write a better profile and get a haircut :lol:


Well I tried writing a better profile, it attracted a few new women, none of which I found very attractive (physically or even on any kind of interest level - I'm not really looking for a "sturdy farm girl"). Then I tried to write a really crappy one to see if I got different responses, a few more sturdy farm girls kept replying (I guess I need to figure out how to write a profile that appeals to dainty, girlie suburban chicks). I streamlined my pics and only left 2 of my better ones on there, unfortunately my haircut options are limited by my MPB, and I guess over the past several years of daddyhood and being a doormat my beta qualities show through to my visual appearance. I desperately need a makeover I think (not just a haircut, lol)

Anyways I think I used up my three chances because no more replies are coming in and I've talked to almost every decent looking one on there (and all the free sites in my little city have basically the exact same people, same pics of them even the same profile descriptions verbatim). However it was not a total loss since I have met one sweet lady whom I hit it off with well, so its a naturally good time to take a break from online dating anyway!


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## Shooboomafoo

Wanted income 100,000 to 250,000 a year.
Welllllll,,,, that counts me out princess spend-a-lot!


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## WomanScorned

Shooboomafoo said:


> Wanted income 100,000 to 250,000 a year.
> Welllllll,,,, that counts me out princess spend-a-lot!


LOL! Ok Cupid is a good site, I think. I have found some very nice guys to chat with, and I'm dating one now that I met on that site. POF has too many......superficial guys I found. I got a lot of "hey, let's party" and "Hi, hot mama" messages on there. I guess it depends on what you're looking for.


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## Malibu17

Over the last couple of years, I tried Match.com, eHarmony and Are you Interested? (Facebook APP) and currently trying ChristianMingle.com

I met a few women on Match.com, but nothing serious. I don't live in a large city and dislike long distance (more than 60 miles) relationships, so that has limited me. My membership expired after 6 months and I don't plan on renewing it. I found it to be more frustration than anything. 

The 6 months I was with eHarmony was a total waste of time/money. Didn't meet anyone I was interested in.

Are You Interested? on Facebook...Ugh...another total waste of time/money

ChristianMingle.com, I met a couple of women, but there again, nothing serious came out of it. My membership will be expiring in about 3 weeks and I won't renew it.

In my opinion, if you live in a very populous area and/or don't mind long distance dating and are not as picky as I am, then online dating may be for you.

Good luck...it's a jungle out there!


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## Anubis

I did some online dating after my marriage was over, and I found it to be worth the effort. Conceptually, it's a great way to meet and filter through people (potential future partners). I can't think of any other way that is as efficient. I tried a couple of different sites, some more specialized than others  and generally had good results. I suspect my experiences are in line with many others here.

A few things about it I thought worth commenting on.

Expectations: Online dating gives you the chance to meet people that you would never otherwise manage to cross paths with, and the means to initially interact with them faster. But it doesn't relieve you of the effort it takes to get to know someone, and after the initial contact is made the odds of relationship success are the same as if you had met by some other means. 

Honesty & Completeness: When making a profile, start by being brutally honest with yourself. If you 'color' your profile because you believe it will make you more attractive to a specific audience, you are often trading long term success for short term success.

Ratios and odds: Generally, there are more men online than women, and that holds true for most dating sites. So a man needs to be efficient and competitive. And never take it personally if someone blows off the contact you attempted to initiate no matter how much effort you put into it.

Remember: There are flakes, fakes and real people out there, in numbers that are surprisingly similar to "real" life.

It does help to be in a large urban area, or have a large search radius. In many ways it *is* a numbers game. But so is hanging out at the bar on Saturday night (or church on Sunday, or Grocery Store on Friday, etc) if you want to look at it that way.

Communication: When making initial contact, put effort into addressing the specific person. Read their profile first, and if something stands out to you, tell them so. Use proper grammar and proofread before hitting send. If you don't have something significant to say beyond "you're cute, let's chat" then you probably shouldn't be sending it at all. Don't cut and paste boilerplate messages, as gals can usually tell that's the case and will be turned off by it. Don't be timid or afraid to take a stand you honestly believe in. Do be yourself.

It worked out pretty well for me; I met and dated several ladies where the chemistry was good, and long term potential could be seen. And it was a gal that took the initiative to contact me first that is lying next to me right now, probably dreaming about the ring we're picking up tomorrow  

Now I will say that it was very nice to be dating in my 40s - far more enjoyable than it was for me in my late teens and early 20s. I could probably start a separate thread on what I think makes it so.


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## omega

I don't usually post on this forum as I'm not D but I have a slightly different perspective on online dating that hasn't come up yet in this thread.

I met my husband online years ago but not on a dating site. We were both chatting in a chat room that was specific to a shared interest of ours. So it wasn't a traditional "dating" thing but it was still online. Anyway we chatted one-on-one and friended each other on Facebook and that was pretty much the end of it. We chatted maybe 5 times over 5 years. Then suddenly one day we happened to chat on FB and REALLY clicked. Two days later I had traveled 9 hours to meet him. We got engaged 4 days later and are now blissfully married. 

Totally different story but still started online. So dating sites are not the only way to go - I actually met other guys online again NOT on dating sites - I liked that there are more options and I wasn't in a bar meeting guys, but that they didn't come across as desperate and beta either (any guy on a dating site runs the risk of coming across as beta just because he's there in the first place).


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## nice777guy

Anyone tried any iPhone dating apps? Any other opinions on Areyouinterested on Facebook?


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## goincrazy

I've never tried iPhone dating apps. I tried match.com, but I didn't care for it. Mostly because I wasn't attracted to any of the men on there. To be fair, I didn't give many guys a chance, but I just don't feel the need to go on a date with someone I'm not attracted to. I've always had a problem where I'm just not attracted to very many guys. I've always been that way, and I never dated a lot before I got married. 

Now plenty of fish is just not the site for me. I've gotten a ton of creeper e-mail on that site and a lot of requests for sex. Maybe it's because it's free. I just don't like the online dating thing at all so far. Not sure where else to meet men. I work and go home for the most part. I did meet a guy at work who I'm attracted to though, and we went out a couple of times.


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## nice777guy

My choices at work seem pretty limited. The 2 girls nearby aren't almost 40 and never married based on bad luck alone...

I'm sorry that one of them is losing a lot of blood due to a rectum problem - but I really don't need to hear so many details...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## goincrazy

I am originally from Indiana, so I can understand how it might be difficult to meet someone there. Especially if you don't live near Indianapolis. My family is still there, and I thought about moving back there if the right job came along, but I would definitely live near the city so that I would have more social options.


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## nice777guy

goincrazy said:


> I am originally from Indiana, so I can understand how it might be difficult to meet someone there. Especially if you don't live near Indianapolis. My family is still there, and I thought about moving back there if the right job came along, but I would definitely live near the city so that I would have more social options.


Nowhere NEAR Indy here...


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