# Annulment or divorce?



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

H just told me last night that he's not really a Christian and he's put up the act for me from the beginning (and the not believing in smoking, cussing plus all of my morals) and was a completely different person from who he is so that I would marry him. So basically, he lied about who he was so that I would marry him. He has been showing me the real him since last night. I have tried to cuddle to maybe bond in this tough situation and he refuses. He has been very cold and selfish towards me. I am so appalled and I do not feel that there is a marriage anymore. I saw something online that hinted at being able to annul from misrepresentation of religion but I'm not sure. I live in Alabama. Should I just do a quickie divorce instead? I'm sure he and I would agree on how to separate things (including custody).

Also, am I crazy for wanting to divorce over this, on top of the former abuse and other things?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You would be crazy not to want a divorce with all the these you say your husband does.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're never going to be happy living with someone with such differing points of view as you , I'd be willing to wager. 

If I was you, I'd talk to your religious leader first. They can advise you of that side of things as to what your best options are. A lawyer can best advise you on the legal side, obviously. But yes, things will go much smoother if the two of you can agree on things. 

Annulments aren't handed out like candy. They may not even be easier than a simple divorce. So you need to do some digging. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Alabama grounds on which you are seeking an annulment. In Alabama, there are only six grounds under which you can get an annulment: 

If one spouse entered the marriage fraudulently; 
if one spouse was underage; 
if one spouse agreed to the marriage under duress; 
if the relationship is incestuous; 
if either spouse did not have the mental capacity to agree to marriage; or
if one spouse was already married to another person at the time of the marriage

It’s highly unlikely that you can get a divorce over you thinking he’s not a Christian. Sinning and not living by what you believe are the rules/laws of Christianity does not make him not-Christian. You are not the judge of whether or not he is Christian.

What you are talking about is that you two have incompatible religious and moral beliefs. Plus a large part of why you want a divorce is that he does not treat you well. 

A divorce is your only legal option.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Alabama grounds on which you are seeking an annulment. In Alabama, there are only six grounds under which you can get an annulment:
> 
> If one spouse entered the marriage fraudulently;
> if one spouse was underage;
> ...


No, I'm not the judge, he told me himself that he's not Christian and he posed as one so that I would marry him. And you're probably right about divorce being the only option.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ariel_angel77 said:


> No, I'm not the judge, he told me himself that he's not Christian and he posed as one so that I would marry him. And you're probably right about divorce being the only option.


So he admits it.

But it's highly unlikely that it would hold up in court for an annulment. All he has to do is deny it. Plus I don't think the court would consider that fraud. People lie about all kinds of things to get people to marry them.

You have no grounds for annulment. If you did an annulment, you would also have to do a separate law suit to get him to pay child support and for custody.

So yea, get the divorce.


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## Nora (Aug 29, 2011)

Hello Ariel
I'm really sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
Divorce and annulment are two separate processes unrelated to each other.
Divorce is a civil act. Whereas annulment is based in Canon Law. It is not you who decides the grounds for your annulment - but the marriage tribunal. From talking with you, interviewing people close to you, and working with your husband they investigate your marriage.
I am currently working with my marriage tribunal who are exploring whether I had a valid marriage or not. lt is a gruelling process, long and painful and I wouldn't recommend it unless you absolutely want to marry in a church again and if you believe that the spiritual aspect of your relationship is important to you and in the eyes of God. These things are important to me and while I connected to my husband spiritually, I don't feel he did with me. I don't know what possessed him to be so destructive - and I don't believe he understood what he was getting into by being married.
My annulment process is particularly demanding on me as my stbxh doesn't engage with the tribunal on any level - he refuses to respond to their communications which means more work for me and more witnesses to help paint the picture. 
If you want to be divorced - it's a fairly straightforward process compared to annulment for sure. 
In my case - I'd still like to explore reconciliation with my husband - the church explores this also and they are aware of this in my case. 
Talk to your priest/leader - or contact your local marriage tribunal who will talk with you - I found them to be very kind and helpful and sensitive to me.
Hope this helps
x
Nora


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Nora said:


> Hello Ariel
> I'm really sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
> Divorce and annulment are two separate processes unrelated to each other.
> Divorce is a civil act. Whereas annulment is based in Canon Law. It is not you who decides the grounds for your annulment - but the marriage tribunal. From talking with you, interviewing people close to you, and working with your husband they investigate your marriage.
> ...


Very encouraging! Thank you!


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