# husband erectile problems, not willing to go to doc



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

i have been married for over a yr now. before marriage we never had sex even though we dated for years (but we fooled around a fair amount). 

right before marriage my husband freaked out a lot about trying the knot and mentioned that he had no sex drive (including symptoms like not being able to sleep) but once we got married we fooled around, even tried doing it, and it was fine. 

but one month in, still experimenting with trying to get his thing in, he was turned on and went looking for a condom. while running around in this hurry his erection went away. after this, he completely freaked out and refuses to try it. i thought i would give him time but it has been OVER a year. he refuses to go to the doctor. he says he wont be able to talk about this to anyone. 

we dont even get intimate anymore. no fooling around. maybe a little making out but barely.

he is not usually very emo but whenever i bring this up he gets close to tears. he says i should leave him. of course i have no intentions of doing that i just want him to see a professional. he keeps putting it off and i really think that if this keep up its just never going to happen. 

any advice?


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

If he thinks you will stay, he has no incentive to change.

He needs to take a look around. Many men suffer from these issues. He needs to get help for his low drive and his impotence.

It does sound like that is partly in his mind and is psychological. 

A sex therapist is probably a good idea too. 

his testosterone might be on the low side and there are lots of things you can do about that. also make sure he doesn't get tested in the morning when T levels are highest. And even if they come back normal, they might be in the very low normal range.

Does he wake up with a hard on?

and is he physically fit?

Does he do Kegals?


----------



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

physically he is ok; he doesn't get any exercise though and has a desk job, also no Kegals.

when he had the problem before he said he was not getting morning hard ons, or they weren't as regular as normal. not sure about current situation as he is so unwilling to talk about it.

he says he will deal with it himself and needs time before he goes to a doc but he has not registered with a GP and has done nothing concrete to make me believe he ever will.

once he told me he has often considered buying drugs but i dont want him to self prescribe himself anything. 

maybe the issue really is how do i convince him to see a professional? i dont think i can handle it myself.

i also agree with u that its more psychological than anything else.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

confusedaboutsomethings said:


> he says he wont be able to talk about this to anyone.


Is he worried about "ask your doctor about ED"? It's really not an ask, it's a *tell* your doctor. The doc will whip out their pad instantly, they all love writing. I offer that not as a be all and end all but rather as a way to get him in the door.

Good luck, I understand your frustration, my wife was reluctant to see her doc, and that was only over a few weeks.


----------



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

he just thinks he cant talk to anyone about the problem, he can barely talk to me about it without getting completely overwhelmed.

he is kind of in denial i think - and probably feels that telling the doctor that this problem exists will make it all the more real.

also i should mention he has a doctor phobia in general - he refuses to go to the doctor even if he has a back ache or when he had bronchitis recently!

thanks charlie appreciate it.


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

he could probably get stuff online w/o even seeing a real doctor if he was embarrassed.

hell, from that standpoint so could you. canadian pharmacy or tim buck two.....drop 1/2 a pill in his soda.

generic viagra is everywhere. I got it years ago when I had a psychological thing with a girlfriend. got it online.

problem solved.


----------



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

how long did u have to use it ATC529R?


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

confusedaboutsomethings said:


> how long did u have to use it ATC529R?


I got some for use with that specific GF....she just messed up my head. That being said, I may have popped a lil bit (like 1/4 pill to 1/2) before a date or when I knew I was going to get some. 

It's not recommended, especially for an old dude......but it's a good kick if you know your gonna be partying into the wee hours and then perform.

probably bought it 2 times online......Have never had any issues with my wife...been about 8 years since I messed with it. 42yrs old.

so, the mental thing is big, but it may get him over that hurdle.


----------



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

that makes sense, i dont mind if he takes it a couple of times to get out of this rut, i just dont want him to get dependent on it and think that he cant manage on his own!


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I would guess 50% of the guys who use it just use it as a luxury.

I actually did go to the dr. for it. an a hole dr. I gave some bs excuse for being there (this is when it 1st got big on the seen)
he looked at me and KNEW what I wanted, then proceed to do a full exam, bloodwork etc....just being an ass and then told me no!

so i got it online. my mom works in the pharmacy......she said most the guys were young etc...clearly it was for fun a lot of the time.


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

that stuff will give an old dude a heart attack...lol be careful. a little goes a LONG way. pun intended.


----------



## confusedaboutsomethings (Mar 7, 2013)

haha well he's only 25 so the age thing is not a problem. i would rather he see a doctor who can tell him there is no problem physically (cuz i know there isnt) and would feel better if a doc prescribed a pill rather than experimenting on r own. 

but desperate times.. ??!


----------



## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

yeah, seeing a dr is what he should do....but going to a dr and having them tell you no is pretty humiliating. but the dr i went to i think was just sick of every guy coming to get it and took it out on me. I did not have a serious problem...just a GF problem lol


----------



## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well,you are so early on in the marriage,don't let him treat this like its not a problem.Maybe hes afraid or a little insecure,so
hug him and reinforce your love to him,but tell him you need 
him to be checked from a doctor.No different than if you had
an illness,would ne want you to not get treated.

Some earlier medical causes can cause ED.Tell him its nothing to
be ashamed or embarrassed about.Don,t let him off other wise
it will be cheating him and you out of a chance for a happy and
healthy marriage.Only a fool dosen't ask for help.

Facts don't lie, read up on other sad and unhappy spouse who
don't lovemaking from there other half.

If your husband won't go you make an appointment for him and you drag him and if you have to,you talk to the doctor.Take charge if he won't.How you act early on in your marriage might set the example for ever.

Set an example early on in your marriage.


----------



## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

Despite his age he could have cardio problems ... he should NOT self medicate ... he needs to see a doctor ASAP ... I had a friend who was just 30 yrs old and refused to go to the doc ... ended up having a serious stroke.


----------

