# Rumor FB shutting down WOOHOOO!!!



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Wish it was true Marriages would be alot better off!!!!!!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Facebook is not the disease. It is just the symptom. But it sure can be handy to be able to blame something/someone else!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Makes things just to easy! all the social networking small issues that can be worked out get ignored by the excitment of talking to new friends & the vampires out there praying on women.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

So is the shopping mall.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

So are drugs & other endulgences,way to easy to start something when its not face to face & anonomous, how many people here would talk like they do to strangers about their issues? not many its good & bad in a way.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

You get rid of Facebook, and you still have to fix the problem. Why not just fix the problem?


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Well I try but the other party my wife has to want to too? cant make somebody do something,I could be a jerk & cancelll the internet service but what would that do make me look like a controlling jerk,Im taking all the steps right now counciling books ect.,now she has to make a move either way.I love my wife so much but I also need it in return.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with VThomeschoolmom. The problem isn't Facebook. It may make things easier, but it's only one of many options that make it easier for people to cheat if they want to or are open to it.

However, it's much easier to blame something like Facebook for cheating, rather than a spouse for making that decision, or taking the blame personally for not dealing with the situation before it comes to that.

C


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

Agree with above posters. I actually have spoke of this in counseling with H. He despises FB as he feels like you. However, for me it was reconnecting with old female friends. He has also mentioned this to his pastor whom he had a session with. BOTH told him facebook is not the cause. That if there is trust, love, communication, there shouldn't be a problem. FB is just an avenue, not the cause.

People could go out to public places, reconnect as well and find ways to continue those connections should they choose to.

Before FB is was MySpace, before that it was cell phones and email. Before techonology it was secret phone calls from pay phones or meeting places.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Well I try but the other party my wife has to want to too? cant make somebody do something,I could be a jerk & cancelll the internet service but what would that do make me look like a controlling jerk,


It wouldn't just make you LOOK like one, in my opinion! 

What is the actual problem? That she spends too much time? That her emotional energy is diverted? That she is engaging in an actual emotional affair? The advice you are going to get will be different depending on the nature of the actual issue. 



> Im taking all the steps right now counciling books ect.,now she has to make a move either way.I love my wife so much but I also need it in return.


Counseling might work. If she won't go, go yourself. It is not unheard of for a spouse to take that as a wake up call.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Unfortunately, the rumor is just that: a rumor...and an untrue one at that: Facebook Shutting Down Rumor Goes Viral: Site Said To Be Ending March 15, 2011 (UPDATE)


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

Just like the drugs aren't the problem, it is the drug addict that is the problem? Why do alcoholics avoid going into bars and nightclubs? Should a ex-crack user still hang around with friends using crack? 

My point being is that facebook makes cheating far easier and anonymous than it ever has been before. No more sneaking around for clandestine meetings, just log on to the computer and spend hours chatting with your ex-boyfriend from high school. 

It is not the root cause of the problem I agree but it is a drug for some and can make something that seems completely innocent into a destructive and damaging affair that ruins marriages and relationships. 

If your partner has ever strayed, or even thought about it, I would encourage you to have them abandon their facebook account. Nothing good will come of it, I assure you.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> Unfortunately, the rumor is just that: a rumor...and an untrue one at that: Facebook Shutting Down Rumor Goes Viral: Site Said To Be Ending March 15, 2011 (UPDATE)


Why is it unfortunate? I found an old friend that I used to be best buddies with in HS! Facebook has allowed me to keep in touch with people who live forever away from me.

I think it is nuts to advocate denying some people decent use of this tool because some people might misuse it.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Corkey88 said:


> Just like the drugs aren't the problem, it is the drug addict that is the problem? Why do alcoholics avoid going into bars and nightclubs? Should a ex-crack user still hang around with friends using crack?
> 
> My point being is that facebook makes cheating far easier and anonymous than it ever has been before. No more sneaking around for clandestine meetings, just log on to the computer and spend hours chatting with your ex-boyfriend from high school.


So should alcohol be denied to people who have no trouble drinking responsibly because some people do? That would be the parallel to shutting down Facebook.



> If your partner has ever strayed, or even thought about it, I would encourage you to have them abandon their facebook account. Nothing good will come of it, I assure you.


If your spouse has ever cheated and there are still unresolved trust issues then you have bigger fish to fry than Facebook.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

I never said shut it down, I said people who struggle with fidelity should cancel their account. Facebook makes cheating so easy, so if there is even a slight crack in the foundation, Facebook can turn it into a massive crevasse. I do equate it to a drug user who keeps drugs in his cupboard. It is the vehicle. Lead us not into temptation...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FB is one tool of many that can be used. But there's lots of other drugs in the cupboard. Do you know how many sites are out there that deal with dating, cheating, etc? If someone has an inclination, they'll find a way. To use your analogy, it's like saying to help an alcoholic, don't keep beer in the house. Doesn't help when there's a bar down the street... Or a drug user who dumps their stash down the toilet, but lives in a neighborhood with dealers on the corners... You remove one immediate temptation, but if you don't deal with the problem, it's just a matter of time.

Having said that, if it makes a spouse feel better to get rid of a cheating spouses FB account, go for it. Of course, it takes just a few minutes to create a new FB account that you don't know about... Or changing to some other chat/mail communication method. Or texting...

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> FB is one tool of many that can be used. But there's lots of other drugs in the cupboard. Do you know how many sites are out there that deal with dating, cheating, etc? If someone has an inclination, they'll find a way. To use your analogy, it's like saying to help an alcoholic, don't keep beer in the house. Doesn't help when there's a bar down the street... Or a drug user who dumps their stash down the toilet, but lives in a neighborhood with dealers on the corners... You remove one immediate temptation, but if you don't deal with the problem, it's just a matter of time.
> 
> Having said that, if it makes a spouse feel better to get rid of a cheating spouses FB account, go for it. Of course, it takes just a few minutes to create a new FB account that you don't know about... Or changing to some other chat/mail communication method. Or texting...
> 
> C


PBear, you say it right. If the marriage does not eventually move past full disclosure to genuine trust, the marriage is doomed anyway.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Went to my first counciling session today bymyself,Talked later that night she asked if I went I said yes & asked if she would go (while she had her face in FB playing farmville or whatever) she didnt say no we shall see no pressure she afraid to open up there is more going on than just marriage issues I think there is a serious mental thing going on.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

PBear said:


> FB is one tool of many that can be used. But there's lots of other drugs in the cupboard. Do you know how many sites are out there that deal with dating, cheating, etc? If someone has an inclination, they'll find a way. To use your analogy, it's like saying to help an alcoholic, don't keep beer in the house. Doesn't help when there's a bar down the street... Or a drug user who dumps their stash down the toilet, but lives in a neighborhood with dealers on the corners... You remove one immediate temptation, but if you don't deal with the problem, it's just a matter of time.
> 
> Having said that, if it makes a spouse feel better to get rid of a cheating spouses FB account, go for it. Of course, it takes just a few minutes to create a new FB account that you don't know about... Or changing to some other chat/mail communication method. Or texting...
> 
> C


I am aware there are many sites out there that try and do the same thing as Facebook but none is more widely used and popular. There are no other sites where you can virtually find anyone from your past other than Facebook. The market penetration is immense, making this a very good way of finding ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. 

Let me give you an example of how I have seen FB work. My friend is the process of a divorce. He and his wife went through a very tough time prior to their separation - they owned a business that was struggling and nearing bankruptcy. It eventually went under and they were attempting to get their lives back together. Over this time., she began spending more and more time on the computer absorbed in FB. It really became an addiction. Instead of working on the marriage and trying to get them back on their feet, she was fiddling around on FB for days on end, much to the disgust of her husband. Eventually, he came to realize that there was more to this story - she was chatting with a number of ex-boyfriends going all the way back to Grade 7! Some of it was innocent, other stuff was far more graphic and sexual. These virtual connections lead to in-person affairs and the demise of their marriage. 

Now is this a somewhat simplistic view of things, yes. There were obviously other issues in this marriage that caused the break up; however, FB made it very easy for her to escape into the arms of her past lovers. It is like a fat guy living next door to a MacDonalds...what are the chances he will cook for himself? Why go to the trouble when he can walk across the street? All i am saying is that during vulnerable times and times of struggle, FB becomes a very destructive tool. It is easy, accessible, anonymous, and seems very innocent. It can't be cheating if all i am doing is typing, can it? 

And yes, texting is also another means of ruining marriages for virtually the same reasons as FB. Only difference is FB provides the network and connections.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Corkey88 said:


> I am aware there are many sites out there that try and do the same thing as Facebook but none is more widely used and popular. There are no other sites where you can virtually find anyone from your past other than Facebook. The market penetration is immense, making this a very good way of finding ex-boyfriends and girlfriends.
> 
> Let me give you an example of how I have seen FB work. My friend is the process of a divorce. He and his wife went through a very tough time prior to their separation - they owned a business that was struggling and nearing bankruptcy. It eventually went under and they were attempting to get their lives back together. Over this time., she began spending more and more time on the computer absorbed in FB. It really became an addiction. Instead of working on the marriage and trying to get them back on their feet, she was fiddling around on FB for days on end, much to the disgust of her husband. Eventually, he came to realize that there was more to this story - she was chatting with a number of ex-boyfriends going all the way back to Grade 7! Some of it was innocent, other stuff was far more graphic and sexual. These virtual connections lead to in-person affairs and the demise of their marriage.
> 
> ...


Exactly going through the same excact thing right now!!!!! put the computer down & work on our marriage not excape into a fake fantasy land !


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife hadn't seen or spoken to her 10th grade boyfriend in 27 years. She had no desire to see or speak with him. She found him on Fu*K book and they began an innocent chat about old times and catching up about old friends. I was reading it and it was completely harmless! Plus, he was on the oposite coast! 

Safe right? She messaged him that she was annoyed that he made her wait days for a response. He messaged back that he "didn't like the computer thing, just call me." She messaged, "Don't think that's a good idea." He messaged back "Doesn't your husband know we're chatting?" Next thing, it goes underground. Move forward 10 months after sexting, texting, he comes into town and they wind up in the back seat of his loaner car!

While I can't blame Fu*Kbook, I suspect that this would never have happened had she not been on that site!


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> While I can't blame Fu*Kbook, I suspect that this would never have happened had she not been on that site!


Maybe - but not a guarantee. She might just as easily have found someone in town. It depends on why she took it farther than just a quick 'hi how are you?' that many, many people actually do. There was some other reason than the existence of Facebook that brought about the problems with which you had to deal!

The fact that people misuse a tool is not a 'valid' 'reason' (deliberately the correct usage of both terms) to destroy the tool. People choose, and people choose what they feel to be their own best self-interest. These facts alone point out that the choice to misuse the tool is the problem, not the tool. One further axiom to add to this mix: each person is personally responsible for their actions. Facebook cannot make a person do anything. It is in all ways absolutely passive (being an object rather than a person).


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Tanelornpete said:


> Maybe - but not a guarantee. She might just as easily have found someone in town. It depends on why she took it farther than just a quick 'hi how are you?' that many, many people actually do. There was some other reason than the existence of Facebook that brought about the problems with which you had to deal!
> 
> The fact that people misuse a tool is not a 'valid' 'reason' (deliberately the correct usage of both terms) to destroy the tool. People choose, and people choose what they feel to be their own best self-interest. These facts alone point out that the choice to misuse the tool is the problem, not the tool. One further axiom to add to this mix: each person is personally responsible for their actions. Facebook cannot make a person do anything. It is in all ways absolutely passive (being an object rather than a person).


I agree completely and take responsibility for my role. I also believe that she may have found someone locally. Her life had become unmanageable (I'm sure you read my lengthy story on this site), w/ drugs, alcohol, hostile work evironment, kids being difficult and me not happy with her behavior was withdrawing and withholding affection. The timeing was ripe for this guy. The fantasy, unhappiness, combined with "unfinished business" allowed for her "affair". Since this wasn't her only one, I can't blame FB exclusively. It just makes it so much easier.


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

It makes it easier to do it in messages & not face to face! like in a bar or public place to easy to say things that you would not say in person,its a catilist. But when it comes down to it its all the person doing it.I know for a fact my wife would have not had a EA if it was face to face.because she only showed the best pics & shots not the whole real picture all fake not real. things were better before everything was open too open.


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## ashleyarussell (Jan 13, 2011)

I hate to say it but I agree with you! I have a FB page however I don't use it to try and reconnect with old boyfriends or secret HS crushes. I feel sorry for anyone who like me has had someone they love, chat or have to deal with an ex or HS GF trying to communicate with the one we adore. I had a guy from HS ask me out for coffee.....20 years later?? REALLY??? I know that similar requests have been made to my love.
I have found messages from girls and ex's that I don't feel are appropriate. I hate that having never been a jealous type that I have had to ask the man I love to please remove certain people who I feel have crossed the friendship line from his friends list.
That and frankly it's none of their business what we are up to and to sit around pathetically reviewing our photos.....
I have since changed our settings but it is still creepy that anyone can find you and look at your photo and send you messages that CAN be hurtful or confusing.
Anyway, I would never look up an old BF and send him a message...why the heck would I do that! I HAVE a life and the man I am with is the love of my life and I would never do anything to confuse him. I only wish other woman had the same opinion and would just get a life of thier own and stay the heck out of ours ummmmm....sound bitter....lol
I HATE stupid woman...that's all. If I could tell them anything it would be....ummmm why are you asking if my BF still remember's you? Why are you telling him that you still wouldn't go out with him? and why the hell is it even important? who really cares. Perhaps you should concentrate on loosing 100 pounds and not looking so old for your age before you embarrass yourselves by sticking your nose in other peoples relationships aaaaaaaa....i feel sooooooooo much better! yay!


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