# Ok..how?



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

so, I live with my boyfriend and his son. I love them both dearly, I try to do everything I can think of to help and take care of them.

After much discussion, it has been made clear to me that I am not going to help raise his son, its not my place. It's his son, not mine.I cannot bring suggestions or ideas my concern is keeping his son inline when he's with me and thats it.

how does that work? 

I just don't get it. I feel that the two of us need to be united and work together, which, maybe I am jumping that too fast, but it's what comes natural to me. he's a kid, take care of him, help him.

I've changed a lot of my perspectives, and am very understanding. I know that I'm learning a new situation and a new person here. 

I really am not understanding how I am supposed to just be a babysitter and a bystander. Or even if that's healthy?

I'm really confused on this one, and a little insight or understanding would help.


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

How old is his son? If he's young, I don't see that working. 

You need to form a bond with his son before you can participate in helping raise him. But if you two live together and intend to share your lives, it wont work if you aren't at least somewhat involved in the parenting process. 

It took me awhile to get comfortable with my husband taking on the role of 'daddy' to my/our daughter but it happened gradually over time and they have an amazing connection/relationship now. She was only a year old when we started dating and two years old when we moved in/got married so if all parental responsibilities were deferred to me it would have undermined him as a parent. 

It may work differently if the kids are older as they are considerably more resistant to step parents taking on the role of parent. The most important thing is that you build a relationship with his son first. I would focus on being his friend for now, your boyfriend will most likely get more comfortable with it over time.


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