# Dealing with Infedility



## 1551

Here is some background information in to my realtionship:

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. We met in college (I was a freshman he was on the verge of graduating). We had both recently gotten out of a long relationship. In the middle of meeting him, moving away from my parents, starting college, dealing with the stress of being a college athlete, and leaving my high school sweetheart I was also dealing with the possibility of infertility. My number one goal in life (besides having a career) was becoming a mother. At the time my soon to be husband and I decided to start our own family. 6 months in to my pregnancy we got married. While we knew this having a child before marriage was wrong, we both felt strongly about living together while not married. I told him the only way I would divorce him is if he a. put his hands on me or b. cheated on me. 5 days after I gave birth to my son (our second child) my husband told me he had cheated on me with a co-worker. The cheating was a one night stand and he had no feelings for the other women. After he told me this I chose to stay and try to work things out, despite how I felt. It has been 2 years since he cheated (new years...my son's due date) and I still can not get over the fact that he did what he did. I recently began staying at my Parents house so we can both have some time apart. For so long my husband was very controling and selfish (stemming from me being so young when we got married and he has a very controlling personality) and I am JUST NOW starting to find myself and re-gain my self confidence and self worth. I am finally back to my old self before I entered this marriage. Now that I have finally found my voice and my self I am having more and more trouble accepting what he did. He disrepected me after I told him cheating was grounds for immediate divorce. I know we can get through the issues we both have (we are in indivual counseling to better ourselves) but I dont know if I can get over what he did. I know I can not do this alone. I know I can not get through this without God. I seek him every day and praise him despite the struggles I am going through. Despite all this I am still on the fence. I know whatever I decide to do will be for the best but i am struggling so much. How do I accept what he did while also standing up for myself and saying I deserved to be treated a certian way? 

For some reason the phrase "If you cant stand for something you will fall for anything" keeps popping in to my head when I try to express how I feel about what he did. Advice would be much appreciated!!


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## chefmaster

1551 said:


> How do I accept what he did while also standing up for myself and saying I deserved to be treated a certian way?


I'm guessing you already know you have to forgive him in order to heal yourself properly. Once this is done you won't feel the need to to prove you deserve to be treated better, you will realize that this was the case all along and nothing has changed.

The hard part isn't in having to live with this indescretion, it's having to live without it. Once it's forgiven it's gone. Say your peace to him about what he did, forgive him, let your trust return as it will and accept his apology and promise as truth.


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## cb45

you must........

forgive him if u want to "get over it" and heal yerself as well
as him.

u shouldve taken more control of yer rel'shp w/ him after
finding out. u know, total transparency; whether or not
the gal he bonked is still near/in contact w/ him at work
etc. cell phone &/or computer access/pswds etc.

plus, if he's turning over a new leaf by changing how he
talks and interacts w/ u, then it should be easier to forgive
him even tho' yer "beginnings" seem/sound somewhat 
tainted by shacking up, as i think he lost respect for ya
right then n there. just IMHO.

its yer choice but i'd say if u can grow thru this w/ God's
help of course, then u 2 have some witnessing to do 
to others in yer same predicament.

shalom.............


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## cb45

Good interp/advice M22

i think that "buyers remorse" was also implied by 1551.

this is understandible, but needs to be recognized by her.

its funny/ironic but i just heard on Joyce Meyers recently tell

of a lady in her church constantly telling her and church 

members she'd "never put with, take back, that cheatin 

son-of-a-gunna", etc., like a fellow church lady did. THEN, turn 

around taking her cheating hubby back (to work it out) few yrs 

later, and he was a church elder to boot!.

thing is, we all don't know what we'd do till we get hit or

surprised with it/anything in our own lives. 

life is for living/learning/loving; how u walk it out is up to u

and God; but the H>S> shouldnt be ignored/grieved.

Shalom................is available...........to all...........


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## Tru2mself

I think you have it in you to forgive him , the hard part is to forget.


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