# WH and WW



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I think a wayward has a responsibility to work on themselves to make them self a better partner. However, does gender make a difference? Are men capable of only so much? This has been suggested to me and I just don't buy it.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think that men and women who have been wayward, are 'wayward' for different reasons. So their ways of self improvement will be different. The only types that will have a hard time overcoming their wayward behaviors and being faithful, are narcissists. They have a hard time with self reflection and therefore, it is hard for them to seek out help. If someone is dating or married to a narcissist, such a person is usually not remorseful and doesn't want to go to counseling. If a spouse is very remorseful, has done a 180, and is willing to reinvest in the marriage and go to counseling, there's hope that he/she won't cheat again. Just my thoughts, fwiw.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

In the thousands of stories I have read on cheating, i have never noticed a distinction between the genders as regards motivation.
I do feel that some people have trouble dealing with the fact that women's sex drive may equal or often eclipse that of some men and that the fact that men are every bit.as in need of emotional support as women are.
So,it is often repeated that men have affairs for sex while women are more often seeking emotional bonding. I have found this to be untrue,in my experience.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Not sure this answers your question, but might be interesting to look at anyway.

Why women cheat vs Why men cheat ? They cheat for different reasons | Examiner.com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

My experience is that in general when a woman cheats, she is done with her husband, whereas a man can cheat and still love and desire his wife. This would suggest that male infidelity is less frequently fatal to a marriage than female infidelity.

I'm not saying either of these is better or worse, but they do tend to divide up that way by gender.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't believe gender differences apply when improving yourself after you betrayed your spouse.

Male or female, both need to fix their malfunction and improve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Of course they cheat for different reasons - one wants to satisfy the needs of his _penis_ while the other wants to satisfy the needs of her _vagina_.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

the question is not WHY they cheat, but how much they are capable of improving and fixing themselves AFTER they've cheated.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

stephscarlett said:


> I think a wayward has a responsibility to work on themselves to make them self a better partner. However, does gender make a difference? Are men capable of only so much? This has been suggested to me and I just don't buy it.


Seems like an antiquated sexist stereotype.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Maxo said:


> Seems like an antiquated sexist stereotype.


I agree. but someone said I'm expecting way too much of my husband.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> I think a wayward has a responsibility to work on themselves to make them self a better partner. However, does gender make a difference? Are men capable of only so much? This has been suggested to me and I just don't buy it.


I think social pressures play a big role here. Many men do not want to be seen as "weak" or "doormats" and so there are limits beyond which they do not easily go.

On the other hand, women who have strayed are often told that they have to show remorse to the extreme, cry, beg, get down on their knees and so on.

I do not believe that these behaviors are innate. I rather think that they are socially demanded.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I think that men and women who have been wayward, are 'wayward' for different reasons. So their ways of self improvement will be different. The only types that will have a hard time overcoming their wayward behaviors and being faithful, are narcissists. They have a hard time with self reflection and therefore, it is hard for them to seek out help. If someone is dating or married to a narcissist, such a person is usually not remorseful and doesn't want to go to counseling. If a spouse is very remorseful, has done a 180, and is willing to reinvest in the marriage and go to counseling, there's hope that he/she won't cheat again. Just my thoughts, fwiw.


That is a lot of "ifs".

"Ifs" are often wishful thinking on the part of the BS.

People make "grave" mistakes. The people who are betrayed take that pain and distrust to their "grave".

One person in the marriage falls off the cliff, the WS. That betrayer lands on the innocent party, killing both. 

Is there life after infidelity?....No, not that life.

A new life that re-conciliates a false start. A new life that has "*hope as **legs*", reason and common sense are shut out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> On the other hand, women who have strayed are often told that they have to show remorse to the extreme, cry, beg, get down on their knees and so on.
> .


A myth. 

In four years on this site, having participated in hundreds of threads, I have never once heard of a wayward wife debasing herself to her BH in such a way. 

Not once. 

In fact, the majority of the time the WW either responds to her husband's confrontation with lethargy, indifference, defensiveness or anger.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> A myth.
> 
> In four years on this site, having participated in hundreds of threads, I have never once heard of a wayward wife debasing herself to her BH in such a way.
> 
> ...


Didn't say that the WW's did it. I said that they are often advised to.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

sidney2718 said:


> Didn't say that the WW's did it. I said that they are often advised to.


I have noticed no difference in the advise given to men or women.


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