# Hmmm, cold shower is crap



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I am sure I asked something similar couple years ago. Well, maybe or maybe not, but I am scratching my head, can't remember any advice. 

So for the HD people...

assume your marriage is still salvageable and you are working on it. In the meantime, your D is driving you crazy. 

What are ways you are using to deal with it?

For female comrades, besides using toys, any other ingenious ideas? Personally, I think it's time to go out jogging again. In the past, I had found that to be most helpful.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Running was great therapy for me, when going through my "should I separate" process. Highly advised as a way to take your mind off distractions. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Exercise is one good way to burn off energy


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did a 15k run last night... Fell asleep for the night about 30 minutes after getting home. . No time to be distracted with being horny. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Hard exercise. Running, Racquet Ball, etc...and later, a thorough 90 minute massage...then a HOT shower after the massage. That should help for a few days.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

I'm taking notes.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Massage. It gets you oxytocin, like sex, though in smaller amounts. It's the absolute best substitute for easing that itch you want scratched.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I assume you guys are saying go get the massage somewhere, since my H will not give me a massage until California claims independence from United States.  (I guess that's not an absolute impossible)

Sometimes even during a massage (and around here we have plenty good places with women masseuses) I start _itching_. The other strange thing that tickles is driving. Man. OK, running is probably better than yoga in this case.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

BTW, I dare to venture this assumption, which will bring protests, but I think it's easier for the male species to get temporary relief...anyone agrees?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> BTW, I dare to venture this assumption, which will bring protests, but I think it's easier for the male species to get temporary relief...anyone agrees?


Well, comparing my time as a man to my time as a woman . . .


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

jennifer1986 said:


> BTW, I dare to venture this assumption, which will bring protests, but I think it's easier for the male species to get temporary relief...anyone agrees?


I don't know the answer to your question, but why do you say that? If nothing else, the variety of sex toys they make for women far exceeds the variety for men... But the Internet is filled with porn for guys... 

C


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## onedge (Nov 27, 2013)

Shopping...I enjoy that enough to forget about the sex. Groceries, online, mall... Even if you can't afford much shop for one thing. Make it a bit of a challenge that requires several stores. Browse an used book store or a second hand shop. Treating yourself can give satisfaction.

I also agree with exercise. A good walk with the dogs used to make me feel relaxed afterwards. This may seem weird but sometimes when I get an itch and start feeling the pressure down there just emptying my bladder give a temporary relief.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

XBox Live :smthumbup:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> BTW, I dare to venture this assumption, which will bring protests, but I think it's easier for the male species to get temporary relief...anyone agrees?


So....you are looking for ways to handle your high desire...right? I think men have to do this much more often, since we have testosterone driving our thoughts and bodily functions much of the time! I am assuming that is what you are asking since you mentioned cold showers...right? 

If so, I think women have it easier because of the enormous array of vibrators, toys, hot tub jets,....etc and other things that you can use to drive your clitoris' crazy and provide relief. Am I wrong?


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Clarification, clarification

I mentioned that men are more easily "relieved" based what I observed in my H. He doesn't need lots of cuddling, etc, done business is done business. On the other hand, I often feel empty from one of his many quickies. So that was my only point. Toys cannot replace the intimacy, that's why I'd rather go exercise. 

BTW, I just went grocery shopping and made a bunch of sushi for the kid. That was a good activity. I had to concentrate to roll the darn thing nicely~


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I agree men are different than women but I do think for most of us actual sex with a partner is far more satisfying than masturbation. I find the 'relief' you get from masturbation does not last near as long as the satisfaction you get from a round of good sex. 

Kind of like eating a cookie versus eating a full dinner. It will curb your appetite for a little while but it won't be long before you're hungry again.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> On the other hand, I often feel empty from one of his many quickies.


So do men. It's just that the vast majority of men don't realize that their less-than-fully-satisfied feeling comes from the fact that there was not more affectionate touching and lengthy contact. They usually decide that it's because they're not getting enough excitement and they try to increase that instead, which ironically leads to less satisfaction. 

This is part of why guys get hooked on porn. You can't really self-generate oxytocin, which is why a hug feels great from someone you care for, but next to useless when you hug yourself. But you can self-generate excitement. Guys grow up with a lot of feelings of excitement associated with fantasized sex and masturbation and they bring that with them into relationships. Sex becomes an exercise in excitement. But after a while, everything gets boring. So, they look into how to spice things up (increase excitement) or they turn to porn, because porn is an endless stream of sexual excitement. However, it has no bonding at all, so eventually that just leaves them emptier than ever. At that point they either dive deeper into the mess or they realize that they have a problem and look for ways to fix it. 

FWIW, women do that, too, but less so, because women are more geared to affection and men are more geared towards excitement. So women naturally tend to realize that they need more affection, but guys often miss that realization.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Even as a male, I agree that a simple quick release (with wife or alone) really does not satisfy the "itch". It might help for a few minutes, but the real need is the experince with the partner. Maybe for some men, the physical release is all that is needed, but does not help me much. I crave being with my wife, and until that happens, not much will replace it.

I do agree with the excerise comments....That does help alot


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Running for me only gave a temporary relief only to have it come back with a vengeance, same goes for masterbation. It helps short term but hurts long term. Especially now that my t levels are getting back to normal. I think I'm losing my mind sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

MSP said:


> Massage. It gets you oxytocin, like sex, though in smaller amounts. It's the absolute best substitute for easing that itch you want scratched.


Otherwise commonly known as a 'happy ending' massage..??????!


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## Sleepsalonefl (Apr 28, 2014)

To OP:

Yes, cold shower is crap. Doesn't do squat. 

I highly recommend... wait for it... JIUJITSU! and Kickboxing!

This is NOT just for guys, it is awesome for women. You would be surprised at the number of women in our school who are feminine girlie girls on the street, but very serious contenders on the mat. I have a lot of respect for them. And I pity the fool that tries to mess with one of them!

The best thing about jiujitsu is it requires total concentration-- all thoughts of sex (or anything else that is stressing you) disappears when you're on the mat. 

It's safer for your joints than jogging, burns more calories, more intensely aerobic, involves other people (a good school has good camaraderie ), and you are never too old or too out of shape to get started.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Sleepsalonefl said:


> To OP:
> 
> Yes, cold shower is crap. Doesn't do squat.
> 
> I highly recommend... wait for it... JIUJITSU! and Kickboxing!


That sounds great. I know I can't do kickboxing. Tried it before. But I'm interested in Jiujistsu. I'll try to see if there are local classes.


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