# Odd reaction from co-worker...?



## SamuraiJack

So I’m talking with a few co-workers and we were discussing marriage and success in general. It was noted that I had two married guys on each side of me and we were discussing divorce rates etc. When it was mentioned that I had two guys on each side who were successfully, I mentioned that I kept my fingers crossed for them every day. 
In my mind this was a nice thing to do.

Well the guy who has been married for 35 years started off saying that it was “the dumbest fvcking comment her had ever heard.” And then started in that he had been married for so long that there was no way he was ever going to get divorced. He seemed really upset about it implying that I was waiting for it to fall apart.
He also implied that I was somehow detracted because I was divorced.

Now I was raised that when someone said something beneficent or well-meaning that you thank them or at least accept it.

I apologized for it coming out poorly, but he is still silent.

Anyone care to weigh in on this reaction?


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## Rowan

That sounds like the reaction of someone who is naturally angry and hostile much of the time, or of someone who is triggering. If he's not usually an ass, my guess would be that what you said - or the way he interpreted it - was a an emotional trigger of some type for him.


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## 3Xnocharm

Well, your comment really didnt sound like much of a vote of confidence...that said, the WAY he reacted is over the top, and reeks of insecurity. I would guess that they likely have some real issues.


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## GTdad

I agree that it's an odd reaction. I've been married for 31 years, and I welcome any prayers or well-wishes or finger-crossing for my marriage. Maybe because I sometimes wonder if it's going to survive, too.

It's a rough old world, and anything can happen, including the end of long marriages. We've seen it here often enough.

Sounds like the guy was just being a d!ck to me, and you certainly have nothing to apologize for.


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## SamuraiJack

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, your comment really didnt sound like much of a vote of confidence...that said, the WAY he reacted is over the top, and reeks of insecurity. I would guess that they likely have some real issues.


I didnt put it out that way and I agree with GTDad's assessment. I welcome any and all well wishes.
But the fingers crossed comment was about on the level as saying bless you to somebody.

Curious to see what tomorrow morning will bring since we have the first hour of the day alone together.

Somehow I dont think an apology will come my way.


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## Rowan

SamuraiJack said:


> I didnt put it out that way and I agree with GTDad's assessment. I welcome any and all well wishes.
> *But the fingers crossed comment was about on the level as saying bless you to somebody.*
> Curious to see what tomorrow morning will bring since we have the first hour of the day alone together.
> 
> Somehow I dont think an apology will come my way.


Well, as long as you didn't say "bless your heart" then you should have been fine.


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## SadSamIAm

Without knowing the tone of the conversation and your history together it is difficult to say.

You might have come across as justifying your divorce through divorce rates. He might know your circumstances and might think you gave up on your marriage too soon. 

Or he could be a bit sensitive on the subject for some reason.

I think you did well to apologize for it coming out poorly. Give it time and he should get over it.


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## SamuraiJack

SadSamIAm said:


> Without knowing the tone of the conversation and your history together it is difficult to say.
> 
> You might have come across as justifying your divorce through divorce rates. He might know your circumstances and might think you gave up on your marriage too soon.
> 
> Or he could be a bit sensitive on the subject for some reason.
> 
> I think you did well to apologize for it coming out poorly. Give it time and he should get over it.


We have worked together off and on for several years. He knows my marriage ended when my ex went MLC to exit affair. The conversation was pretty straightforward.
I have certainly never used justifications. I take full responsibility for my portion of the breakup.

Although there were jokes about my subsequent upgrading.
I think I hit a nerve.


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## Kerosene Hat

Sounds like you hit a nerve. Again, context is king here - and we don't have that. Although to be fair, like 3xNC said, that wasn't exactly a vote of confidence. 

I have decided to try to stay as far out of other people's marriages as possible...I have two good buddies who are married with kids and they've stuck by me. I try to encourage them, but when I sat down with one buddy to ask how his marriage was (after his wife cried to me that she was thinking about leaving), he got really defensive. 

Divorce is scary and lots of people don't like to admit that it can happen to them - that a successful partnership is a daily choice and that things can fall apart, even if they seem "just fine" or "like it's always been". 

Personally, I would have gone for something neutral like, "A successful marriage is very important and I'm sure you all are very important to each other" or something like that.


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## ConanHub

You are an evil demon posing as a man and he is onto you now!&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack

ConanHub said:


> You are an evil demon posing as a man and he is onto you now!&#55357;&#56840;
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes...thats it...I must be the harbinger of uncertainty in an area where people never have doubts.


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## one_strange_otter

you should have followed his reaction with "looks like somebody is on their period" or something to that affect. I don't get people that get all bent out of shape immediately after a comment and not take the context into account. I agree you must have hit a nerve for him to react that way. 

Me and all my buddies rag on each other all the time. I like it that way because they are just co-workers and their comments in no way influence my decisions in life and vice-versa. in fact if someone comes to work and complains about trouble at home we just have a field day with it and they go home having laughed about it for hours and actually feel better I think. We're roastmasters.......it's cathartic.


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## Openminded

Could be he's resentful you got out and he didn't. 

It wasn't until my divorce 18 months ago that I realized how many women I know that are my age and are envious I did something they can't bring themselves to do. A few are very resentful -- almost like I betrayed The Sisterhood or something by getting out of a 45 year marriage (those are the ones waiting for their spouse to free them through the "natural end" of their marriage so they don't have to get a divorce). Shaking my head.


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## SamuraiJack

Openminded said:


> Could be he's resentful you got out and he didn't.
> 
> It wasn't until my divorce 18 months ago that I realized how many women I know that are my age and are envious I did something they can't bring themselves to do. A few are very resentful -- almost like I betrayed The Sisterhood or something by getting out of a 45 year marriage (those are the ones waiting for their spouse to free them through the "natural end" of their marriage so they don't have to get a divorce). Shaking my head.


Although I HAVE seen this from other people. It has mostly been women. They tend to treat me like I'm the questionable neighborhood kid who will get their kid into trouble.

Guys are usually like "hey...whatever..."


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## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> So I’m talking with a few co-workers and we were discussing marriage and success in general. It was noted that I had two married guys on each side of me and we were discussing divorce rates etc. When it was mentioned that I had two guys on each side who were successfully, I mentioned that I kept my fingers crossed for them every day.
> In my mind this was a nice thing to do.
> 
> Well the guy who has been married for 35 years started off saying that it was “the dumbest fvcking comment her had ever heard.” And then started in that he had been married for so long that there was no way he was ever going to get divorced. He seemed really upset about it implying that I was waiting for it to fall apart.
> He also implied that I was somehow detracted because I was divorced.
> 
> Anyone care to weigh in on this reaction?


Well he may have taken what you said as a slight, when you said you'd "cross your fingers" for them meaning you are leaving it up to chance/hope. Plenty of people stay married because they've been married a long time - I have heard some married people say that before. I don't think he overreacted but I am reading this from an objective point of view and it just seems he thought you were slighting him and the other guy. Some people do not believe in divorce at all and that's prob where he was coming from.

As for what he implied about you - you don't say what he actually said so it's hard to weigh in on.

I will say though that married (never divorced people) and divorced people have extremely different experiences with marriage that color their view on the subject.


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## Ynot

Sounds to me like he never heard the older saying "never say never" because he seems pretty sure of himself. Maybe he will make it. Who knows? But there is no reason to act like an ass. OTOH, maybe he is feeling a little uncertain himself and you hit a nerve. Kind of like when a homosexual in denial gets hit on by a homosexual and gets all bent out of shape about it.


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## nice777guy

SamuraiJack said:


> And then started in that he had been married for so long that there was no way he was ever going to get divorced.


Do him a favor and keep your fingers crossed.


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## SamuraiJack

Well I was hoping to have a word with him...but he called in sick.


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## bkyln309

Maybe its best to leave it alone.


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## Jellybeans

I agree.


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## SamuraiJack

It's odd but he has been "work friendly" but still very reserved.

He's kind of a duffer though, so I suspect this will be one of those things that goes away gradually.

He's a "typical guy"...according to our female workers..


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## Angelou

If things were ok, a comment would maybe annoy a person if they let it, but usually they would brush it off bc they're content. If it still feels awkard after a few days, could be you hit a sensitive nerve.


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