# Husband stopped during sex



## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

I have been married for a little over 2 months, he is 26 as am I. We had sex once on our week long honeymoon and even then I really had to push it. Once we got back, nothing. No interest at all in being intimate. We are even to the point of sleeping in separate beds, blaming it on the fact he has to be up very early in the morning but even when he doesn't work, we are in different beds. 

Finally after two months, we started to get intimate and during the middle of it (and I do mean, he was literally in the middle of having sex) he pulled out and said he was tired. He got off and walked out of the room and he was still hard. 

I don't really know what to do about this. Is anyone else having this problem? I'm really starting to think either I have been played or he might be gay. I just don't know what to think or what to do.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Anullment.

Don't think for a single minute things are going to get any better.

Cut your losses.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Get an annulment if you can and a divorce if you cannot. This is not a situation that will improve and will only serve to seriously damage you mentally and emotionally over time. Whatever his issues are, you can't fix them and shouldn't even try. Just accept you are not compatible and move on.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Has he given any explanation?

I was expecting to hear that there was an argument, one of you was uncomfortable (backseat sex) or you have been married for many years.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

When asked about the lack of sex, he has told me a different excuse every time. His job, my weight (which I have stayed the same weight since we began dating), his inability to stay hard (which wasn't an issue last night, he just stopped), low sex drive, low self esteem, his weight, money issues, now I am getting the "I'm tired" excuse. I don't really know what to think. We were actually having a really good day and he wanted to have sex, so I was all for it but then he just stopped. 2 months and this is happening since day 1, we didn't have sex till 4 days into our honeymoon.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You need to ask yourself how important sex is to your happiness. 

In many cases this will not get better. Some people have spend a lifetime trying to find a way to improve their sex lives with no success. 

Unless there is some specific issue right now, this should be the most enthusiastic time for sex. 


Talk to him. Find out if there is anything specific going on that can be fixed. But if not, don't spend your life like this.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

GEt an annulment based on fraud. He misrepresented himself to you. You cannot stay married to a man who has no sexually interest in you.

He might be gay or in love with someone else. Or there is something about you that he is not attracted to. Or he is not into sex. Or he is using sex (or the absence of sex) to punish you for something he thinks you did wrong. 

I find it really hard that a young man just married would carry like this. You should be f-ing like bunnies at this time. Please understand you can probally do nothing to rectify this situatiion. You cannot force someone to find you desirable. 

You need to realize that you cannot continue a marriage like this. Things will get worst, as resentment and hate starts building. You best option at this time is to leave. Just realize that this has been one big mistake.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

Any explanation at all?

How was your relationship before you got married? Was he romantic? 

I am going to agree with the other post. You should be in your honeymoon phase.. can't get enough of each other phase. You are young and haven't been married long. Get out now before life gets so complicated that you feel trapped.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Geez, how awful. I can understand your feelings on this. 
Him walking out of the room after, oh my I'd be in tears. 

How long were you guys together before marriage? 



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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

We started dating in October of 2014. Everything was fine for a long time but I brought up his lack of desiring any intimacy between us before we got married and he told me things would be different once we got married, had our own place, etc. He made everyone, not just me, believe we would have this incredible sex life and it's basically non existent. I don't understand what is going on in his head, and I feel like I am being played. 

Since we haven't been married for very long, and we had a big wedding and everything. The guilt in getting an annulment or a divorce is incredible. I'm fighting a battle on whether I should fight for it some more, or if I should just cut my losses. I have even spoken to my mother about it and she is completely lost as well. No one seems to have encountered this issue in newlyweds before, and I for one never thought I would be sitting in this situation.

It's taking a toll on my mental health as well. I don't understand what is going on and for him to literally stopped mid stroke and pull out. I can't even wrap my head around it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> When asked about the lack of sex, he has told me a different excuse every time. His job, my weight (which I have stayed the same weight since we began dating), his inability to stay hard (which wasn't an issue last night, he just stopped), low sex drive, low self esteem, his weight, money issues, now I am getting the "I'm tired" excuse. I don't really know what to think. We were actually having a really good day and he wanted to have sex, so I was all for it but then he just stopped. 2 months and this is happening since day 1, we didn't have sex till 4 days into our honeymoon.


Either he is 

A) Not a very sexual being, perhaps asexual

or 

B) He's not physically into you and doesn't really want to have sex with you

Neither of these things are something you can change. If he's just not into sex, he's naturally not into sex and nothing you say or do will make him become a man who is into sex. If he's just not physically attracted to you and doesn't want to have sex with you, there is nothing you can do about that. Physical attraction is either there or it's not. You cannot manufacture it.

The difference between a friend/roommate and a romantic relationship is sex. Society, religion, and the law acknowledge that marriage is presumed to be a sexual relationship. You don't have a marriage. You have a legally sanctioned roommate situation.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

is he getting it elsewhere? do you have any suspicions that he could be?


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

Married&Confused said:


> is he getting it elsewhere? do you have any suspicions that he could be?



I know for a fact he is not and he isn't watching porn either.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

LostWife90 said:


> I know for a fact he is not and he isn't watching porn either.


are you with him 24/7?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@LostWife90 did you guys have any sex or imitacy at all before the wedding? 
Did he have sex previously or was he a virgin? 


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

1. I'm sorry, we feel your pain
2. It's not your fault
3. The chances of fixing it are near zero

Whatever you decide to do, remember that. This isn't a difference of opinion on a sex act. This is incompatibility at its worst.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

@LostWife90, you have to think about how important sex is to you. If you can live in a completely sexless marriage then ok. If you want love/initmacy expressed in a sexual manner, then you have to get out of this marriage.

I cannot imagine living like that. He is rejecting you and you have every right to feel bad and disappointed. He has lied to you to get you to marry him.

Now the reasons why he has married you has become suspect. ARe you more weathly than him? Do you have more money or make more than him? By getting married did that make it possible for him to leave his parents home? 

My advice is to leave. All the money spent on the wedding is nothing compared to living for years like this. REad some of the sexless married thread here on TAM and understand that this can go on for years with no end. Think of what will happen to you mentally living with a man who does not want to have sex with you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> We started dating in October of 2014. Everything was fine for a long time but I brought up his lack of desiring any intimacy between us before we got married and he told me things would be different once we got married, had our own place, etc. He made everyone, not just me, believe we would have this incredible sex life and it's basically non existent. I don't understand what is going on in his head, and I feel like I am being played.
> 
> Since we haven't been married for very long, and we had a big wedding and everything. The guilt in getting an annulment or a divorce is incredible. I'm fighting a battle on whether I should fight for it some more, or if I should just cut my losses. I have even spoken to my mother about it and she is completely lost as well. No one seems to have encountered this issue in newlyweds before, and I for one never thought I would be sitting in this situation.
> 
> It's taking a toll on my mental health as well. I don't understand what is going on and for him to literally stopped mid stroke and pull out. I can't even wrap my head around it.


He was this way before the marriage. He has been this way since the marriage. Why doesn't matter. You may never know why. But what you do know is that this is a situation that has existed since the beginning and has not improved, despite his claims that it would.

So what if you had a big wedding? Everybody makes mistakes. That's why there are erasers on pencils and delete buttons on keyboards. Do you really want to invest precious years of your finite life in a sham marriage? 

If you think it's bad now, wait until it's been 2-3 years and you are climbing the walls in frustration, have zero self esteem, maybe had sex once or twice that resulted in a child that has you feeling even more trapped, and you vacillate between feeling completely sexless and fantasizing about having an affair...if you haven't snapped by then and had an actual affair. 

Unless you are both truly content with a sexless or near sexless marriage, no good can come of staying married.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

Not 24/7 but when he isn't at work or the gym, he is at home.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@MrsAldi We did have sex before the wedding and it didn't happen very often because he was living about an hour and half away and when he came down, we were at my parents so the opportunity didn't arise very often.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> @MrsAldi We did have sex before the wedding and it didn't happen very often because he was living about an hour and half away and when he came down, we were at my parents so the opportunity didn't arise very often.


Has he ever asked you for sex? 
I read the list of excuses he give you. Something is not right there. 
I don't know if he's depressed/stressed, that can affect his drive. 
But if he's always been that way with you & he doesn't watch porn (has probably deleted the history)
What about oral sex? Does he make requests for that? 



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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@MrsAldi He wanted sex a couple times this past week but when he asked when I didn't have to be somewhere, is when he stopped in the middle of it. He use to want oral but not since we got married. He doesn't want anything, at all.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

Maybe I’ve watched way to much Criminal Minds type shows.. but maybe he’s a psychopath or a sadist and using you as a scapegoat. 

Honetly though.. You said that you feel bad because you recently had a big wedding. Believe me, I understand. I have a hard time letting people down too. But if you can’t get an 100% honest answer from him, don’t stay. Imagine what it will be like 5-10years from now. Imagine all the excuses you will have not to leave then. Well, we bought a house, a car, our credit, our pets, our careers would suffer.. maybe you even convinced him to give you a child. The longer you stay in a miserable marriage the harder it becomes to walk away. If you want to give him a chance, the only way that would be a possibility is if he were to be honest with you. No BS. Tell you honestly why he is not being sexually active with you. 

I also think you need to ask yourself, what would be the reasons he would play you?


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

LostWife90 said:


> Not 24/7 but when he isn't at work or the gym, he is at home.


then i seriously suggest you look into this possibility. do you have access to his phone and computer?

then again, does it matter? if he's cheating, walk. if he isn't cheating and won't meet your sexual needs, walk.

counseling?


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

I've told him before we aren't having children till our problem is solved. Of course in order TO have children, intercourse is involved so I'm not particularly worried about it, also I have no desire to bring a child into a marriage that is crumbling. 

He is not keen on counseling, he wants to avoid it at almost all costs but we don't have insurance right now so it would be expensive.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> @MrsAldi He wanted sex a couple times this past week but when he asked when I didn't have to be somewhere, is when he stopped in the middle of it. He use to want oral but not since we got married. He doesn't want anything, at all.


Is there any awkwardness between the two of you during sex? 
He's initiating, I suppose that's a good sign. 
How do you behave towards him during it? 
Are you enjoying it or feeling awkward? 


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Do not let embarrassment or guilt over the wedding keep you in a situation where you are not being honored.
You didn't make a mistake. He lied to you. You have been defrauded. What is the appropriate response to being defrauded?

Furthermore, what he did last night is crazy. Something is wrong with him. It's not you. It's him. 100%.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> *we didn't have sex till 4 days into our honeymoon.*


I was ready to defend the guy UNTIL your comment about him waiting four days into your honeymoon to have sex. 

There is one time in your life when sexual activity not only can be expected, but is also a legal obligation for consummating your union that is expected in society by everyone you know, and that "one time" is your honeymoon. He made you wait longer than it takes Apple to deliver a brand new laptop to your doorstep from half way around the globe! 

Ma'am, while great sex is not the only thing relationships are about, it appears your husband "LIED" to you and violated the trust in your relationship from day one of the marriage. You can NOT build a marriage on top of lies and dishonesty. I would end it.

Had he been up front about needing time to build confidence in the bedroom, OR disclosed that he has issues, that is different. While it is possible he was a victim of sexual abuse and that is causing him these issues, he still lied to you by promising great sex after marriage.

Badsanta


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> Not 24/7 but when he isn't at work or the gym, he is at home.


It could be guilt. Ask to go to the gym with him.

You need to investigate further. Maybe he had a ONS and feels guilty. Whatever it is you need to have the come to Jesus moment. I know it is hard but better to fix it now then 10 years from now. You still paid the money for a wedding either way. That is not going to change.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

No brainer, divorce him! I had bad sex before I got married thinking it would get better since she was religious. Nope, pretty much sexless for 8 years. The last 5 years was 100% sexless. We somehow had 2 kids with having sex less than 15x in the 8 years. Ha! I divorced her 6 months ago and having the best sex of my life now with current G/F.

I was in your shoes too. I thought I was trapped. Didn't want to dissapoint family/friends due to the wedding. Bought a house, now really trapped. My as well have a kid. Hell, my as well have a 2nd kid since I'm at the point of no return. Kids got 4yrs+ and I bolted. 

Don't be like us! Get out now while it's easy. Even if you bought a home together, it's EASY! Don't have kids or let this go on for years. You can get out now with practically no consequences. Learn from your mistake, that's what life is about.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

So many people in your shoes of realizing their spouse lied and deceived them wish they would have put an end to it immediately upon realizing that. You have a priceless opportunity to leave now rather than wasting the best years of your life with someone who purposefully tried to trap you. At this point, you are only trapped if you want to be.

Look into the laws in your state regarding annulment. If you can't get an annulment, get a divorce. It should be easy. Buy a book on divorce in your state and see what you need to do.

You don't have to live like this.

You cannot change someone else's problem. This is not something you can fix. Only he can and he clearly has no intention of doing anything about it. He knew this going in. You've been duped.

I'm sure this hurts. It's not just the wedding, but all your hopes and dreams. Unfortunately they were based on his lies and now you know that it's not what you thought and with him it never will be.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> When asked about the lack of sex, he has told me a different excuse every time. His job, my weight (which I have stayed the same weight since we began dating), his inability to stay hard (which wasn't an issue last night, he just stopped), low sex drive, low self esteem, his weight, money issues, now I am getting the "I'm tired" excuse. I don't really know what to think. We were actually having a really good day and he wanted to have sex, so I was all for it but then he just stopped. 2 months and this is happening since day 1, we didn't have sex till 4 days into our honeymoon.


None of this was brought to light before getting married?


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

Before marriage, I brought up how he seemed to have no desire for intimacy with me. When I brought it up he assured me it was because of distance and when we were together we were around my parents unless we were going out, etc. He assured me that once we got married things would be different because we would have our own place, etc. It wasn't till after a huge argument that he started giving me excuses. Something different every time. I asked him why none of his issues was brought to light before we got married so then I wouldn't have had this great expectation about what it was going to be like after the wedding. He told me that "it's not something you tell someone till after you are married."


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

LostWife90 said:


> He told me that "it's not something you tell someone till after you are married."


He kept his lack of intimacy issues a secret because he was afraid you wouldn't marry him if you knew the truth. Whatever the truth really is.

Like I told my H "If you have to lie to keep me, then I'm not yours to keep"


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> Before marriage, I brought up how he seemed to have no desire for intimacy with me. When I brought it up he assured me it was because of distance and when we were together we were around my parents unless we were going out, etc. He assured me that once we got married things would be different because we would have our own place, etc. It wasn't till after a huge argument that he started giving me excuses. Something different every time. I asked him why none of his issues was brought to light before we got married so then I wouldn't have had this great expectation about what it was going to be like after the wedding. *He told me that "it's not something you tell someone till after you are married."*


 Do you know what that means? This means he KNEW this was going to be a problem. He was and is well aware that there is something wrong with him that would make him undesirable as a husband and so he DELIBERATELY DECEIVED YOU in order to get you to marry him and be "stuck" with it.


Lostwife90, your marriage was entered into fraudulently and you have every right to end it immediately. In fact, I'd go as far as to say you are a fool if you don't!


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Oh, that's no fun.

I am now realizing that my wife, who exhibited a high desire and a great "need" in the first three years, did it only because she was so much a people-pleaser that she did it "because men like it". Claims now that she never had any interest, she's never liked it, even orgasms are just creepy weird out of control things that make her sick to her stomach.

At first, I felt lied to, deceived...but that was 20 years ago!!! You can't lean on things that far past, they're just too far past to do anything about.

As she is, IMO, becoming more of who she really is, I'm finding her not all that interesting, in fact. I want to give it time and see what happens, but I think I should not give it forever.

In your case, it came out fast. You may very well qualify for an anullment based on your jurisdiction.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> I asked him why none of his issues was brought to light before we got married so then I wouldn't have had this great expectation about what it was going to be like after the wedding. *He told me that "it's not something you tell someone till after you are married."*


Yet another LIE!

Let me translate that for you, "I am finding that I can't keep up with my lies that well now that we are married and living together!" 

It is kind of like when it is time to give the cats a bath. They happily run under the bed and hide. Then I shut the door and pull the matress off the bed and they look at me like "holy fück!" I'm sure they think to themselves, "we just don't take our baths until the bed gets taken apart and we can no longer hide."










Badsanta

PS: I am using this example of my scared cats to illustrate that your husband has the emotional maturity of a one-year-old kitten. Not something that will ever make you feel safe or protected.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You give your cats baths?:surprise: Why do you think they have hairballs? From giving themselves baths. You are a brave man - a bit of a masochist, though.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't get how a man can suggest sex, be in the middle of it and just get up and walk off still fully erect. I mean:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead: He just lost interest? Yeah, because he suddenly remembered the litter box needed changing. That's a big ol' WTH!

For whatever reason this fella doesn't like sex with women.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> We started dating in October of 2014. Everything was fine for a long time but I brought up his lack of desiring any intimacy between us before we got married and he told me things would be different once we got married, had our own place, etc. He made everyone, not just me, believe we would have this incredible sex life and it's basically non existent. I don't understand what is going on in his head, and I feel like I am being played.
> 
> Since we haven't been married for very long, and we had a big wedding and everything. The guilt in getting an annulment or a divorce is incredible. I'm fighting a battle on whether I should fight for it some more, or if I should just cut my losses. I have even spoken to my mother about it and she is completely lost as well. No one seems to have encountered this issue in newlyweds before, and I for one never thought I would be sitting in this situation.
> 
> It's taking a toll on my mental health as well. I don't understand what is going on and for him to literally stopped mid stroke and pull out. I can't even wrap my head around it.


The reason you can't wrap your head around it us because what he's doing or not doing is totally unreasonable. It matters not how much you weigh. If you were 250 lbs when you started dating, then 250 he should be dying to have sex with. 
You've had a bait and switch, or just a fake and switch.

This is not your fault. It's his fault. We read about people with little or no sex drive here all the time. It doesn't get better. Don't feel guilty about getting it annulled. Anyone with any life experience will totally understand and thise that don't, who cares?

I do 100% recommend ending this relationship. It's going to hurt. But it will hurt for much longer and much worse if you stay. You were lied to. And there's another man out there for you that will treasure all your good traits, and wanting sex is a damn good one to have.

It will hurt. Do it. Annulment or divorce.
Sorry I have to say it. But it's the right thing to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> You give your cats baths?:surprise: Why do you think they have hairballs? From giving themselves baths. You are a brave man - a bit of a masochist, though.


They are inside/outside cats, and occasionally they dart into the house looking like they have pine sap all over them from chasing who knows what through the tree tops. 

I could tell once it looked like they had been into a crawlspace and had fiberglass and spiderwebs all over them. 

I'd rather bath them than have them lick all that off and then throw up in the middle of the floor. 

:surprise:

(end threadjack)


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Oh, good job, Dad.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

The poor woman married a guy who totally deceived her, she probably feels like her life is falling apart and the two of you are using her advice seeking thread to talk about house cats. 

Nice.

Any reason you can't take it to personal messaging?

We really don't want to hear it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@LostWife90

I just wanted to add to the chorus: you have been played. Your H intentionally misrepresented himself and essentially lied to you that once married sex would be off the charts.

It will never get better

It is not something you caused

It is not something you can cure

Your only way to cope is to hold your head high and get an annulment. There is no shame in this. You were lied to.


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## JerryB (Feb 13, 2014)

Is he Caucasian/American?
When I read these types of stories over the years, it usually seems to be foreigners, which can bring in all kinds of cultural baggage that we might not account for.
Arranged marriages, caste systems, Intimidating father figures, etc.

Barring that, this seems like a sexuality issue he hasn't shared, or figured out. (Gay, confused, sexual abuse/molestation)
A young male, rock hard, shouldn't be walking away from the act of sex. Maybe once, he might do this, because he's mad at you, and is being extremely passive aggressive. But your story seems to make this endemic.

You're not going to be able to fix him. You barely know him, barely married to him, you are not obliged to try.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.

I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


Lol-- total bs on his part. Can him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.



It's NOT a perception problem. If you peruse the forums here, Loveshack, Reddit, etc. you will see that people who are in sexless marriages feel rejected because their partner is literally rejecting them!

What he did, delay sex, lie about sex, and stop in the middle of sex, is NOT normal. 

What is your previous sexual experience? How is this even a question? It's clear that something is terribly wrong with this man. Even your mother hasn't heard of anything like it!

If you want my unvarnished opinion, I think he's gay and used you for a beard, completely asexual and used you for a beard, or has a very creepy and dark fetish and used you as a beard.

Why do you keep talking to him about this? You know he is going to lie, minimize, and make excuses.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


What he did was nowhere near normal. It was bizarre. And now he's trying to make it sound like you are the one with the problem.

First he admitted he lied to you about a very serious issue that would have stopped you from marrying him. Now he's saying that he is normal, when clearly he's not. 

Would you have married him if you knew things were going to be this way?


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

I wouldn't have. I feel like a failure if it ends so quickly but I don't think there is another way.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> I wouldn't have. I feel like a failure if it ends so quickly but I don't think there is another way.


You aren't a failure! You married a man who deceived you quite deliberately about a very serious problem that, had you known it existed, would have lead to you ending the relationship before marriage.

If my suspicions are correct, prepare for him to cry and beg you not to leave. He will be terrified that people will know there is something wrong with him. He will claim he loves you. He does not. A man who loves a woman does not deprive her of basic needs and deceive her into a sham marriage.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> I wouldn't have. I feel like a failure if it ends so quickly but I don't think there is another way.


You are not a failure. He tricked you. You have been deceived. That's the thing about lying, deceit, and trickery; how do you know what the truth is? You believe what appears to be true. You are not a mind reader. This is not your fault. You can't have failed at something that you had nothing to do with the failure of. This is all on him. All of it.

I think you are having a difficult time understanding that he did this on purpose. There was nothing you could have done. If you had known, you would have made a different choice. We can only make choices with the information that we have. When someone gives us false information, how are we to know that?

I know this is painful, but try to wrap your mind around what he told you. He told you that he did this purposefully so you would marry him and now he is not going to do anything to correct it. Either you stay with him and continue with him mistreating you and not having sex with you or you leave and start fresh without trying to figure out a lunatic.

Let me put this in perspective for you. I have been married for 32 years. Not once in that time has my husband stopped in the middle of sex for any reason and just quit. Not one time. If my husband got up from sex and walked out on me, I would consider that to be extremely rude and hurtful. If he were suddenly ill, I would understand. But that's not what we're talking about here and that has never happened to me either. What your husband did it highly bizarre. You know it's bizarre, but are trying to understand him and all he does is try to make you look like you're the one with the problem. You aren't. This isn't you. This is him.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> You aren't a failure! You married a man who deceived you quite deliberately about a very serious problem that, had you known it existed, would have lead to you ending the relationship before marriage.
> 
> If my suspicions are correct, prepare for him to cry and beg you not to leave. He will be terrified that people will know there is something wrong with him. He will claim he loves you. He does not. A man who loves a woman does not deprive her of basic needs and deceive her into a sham marriage.


Completely agree with the above. 

Sigh

It's okay to be sad, angry, and hurt. Even though it's not your fault, it's also okay to be embarrassed. What you are feeling is normal. It's going to take you a while to work through this and to feel better. That's okay. Better to start today than to put it off and be more miserable as the days go by. Once you break it off, it's likely that the hurt will increase, but then it will slowly fade away. Or you could move out and feel a huge sense of relief and joy at being free from this crazy man. One way or another, breaking it off as soon as possible will help you to move on with your life.

However, be prepared. As @MJJEAN said, he is likely to become very manipulative. You might consider not saying anything to him until you have all your ducks in a row and are basically walking out the door. Do not discuss anything with him. Just tell him that you are not going to remain married to a liar and that's the end. Good-bye and good riddance. There really isn't anything else to say anyway.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> However, be prepared. As @MJJEAN said, he is likely to become very manipulative. You might consider not saying anything to him until you have all your ducks in a row and are basically walking out the door. Do not discuss anything with him. Just tell him that you are not going to remain married to a liar and that's the end. Good-bye and good riddance. There really isn't anything else to say anyway.


Yes, it might be a very good idea to just simply arrange to leave and then leave before telling him. He will try to manipulate you, absolutely. He manipulated you into the marriage and he will try to manipulate you into staying. Do not allow this to happen.

You don't owe him any explanations. He knows exactly what he did and exactly why you're leaving if you take the advice here and actually leave.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


You're married to a narcissist. This is very typical of what they do...place blame on their partners for their issues. Please think about leaving, for your own sanity. And he was this way before you married him, from what you say here, so things will only continue to decline. I'd say hang in there if it were just a sexual issue, but it sounds like he wants to act like you're imagining things or dismissing your feelings. And narcissists also play a lot of sexual games with their partners...pulling out and remaining hard, and walking out of the room, believe it or not, is a very typical game they play. Taking forever to orgasm, and then blaming their partners for taking so long, or masturbating to porn, and not wishing to have sex with their partners, is another trait. By themselves, these traits don't point to a narcissist, but put them all together, and they do. 

Praying for you to figure out what's best for you, now.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A gay narcissist.

What makes me wonder is:

Why in the heck did he marry you? If he didn't want you for sex, there have to be other reasons...
What do you thinkbthosecreaaobs are?

Does he have a decent job?
Do you support him?
Do you have a helluva nice fishing boat, or a super good duck hunting spot?
Do you cook really well?
Just what is it about you????

Honestly, you've piqued my interest! I'd love to find a woman that I'd be willing to marry even if I couldn't have sex with her! And you even want sex, too??????? 

You must be quite a woman!!!!

There is something badly wrong here. You are not crazy. You're being gaslighted, and he is putting on a huge act for some reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

If your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you divorce them and find a partner who wants to have sex with you. Or alternatively remain married while having sex with whoever else is willing to have sex with you (preferably while telling your spouse you'll be getting it elsewhere). If most people had the strength to dump spouses that don't want to have sex them, sexless marriages would become quite rare.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

LostWife90 said:


> I've told him before we aren't having children till our problem is solved. Of course in order TO have children, intercourse is involved so I'm not particularly worried about it, also I have no desire to bring a child into a marriage that is crumbling.
> 
> He is not keen on counseling, he wants to avoid it at almost all costs but we don't have insurance right now so it would be expensive.


What's his view on the subject of unexpected pregnancy? What form of contraception are you using? Being worried about an unwanted baby at this point in a faltering relationship will definitely be a mood killer for him (regardless of whether or not he's in a physical state of arousal). Could just be he has a fear of not having enough self control.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


Not normal at all. Something is really wrong here, but it is not you. Although it may be really hard, the faster you get out the better. I feel so sorry for you. Nobody should have to have that experience.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Dr. Obvious asks.. could it be he changed his mind about the marriage?


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> @JerryB He is half Asian, half white but was raised in the states with a normal family.
> 
> I tried to talk to him about what happened and he stated that my feeling of rejection was a 'perception" problem and that what he did was completely normal.


You experienced a feeling. Feelings are all real, even if they arise from not interpreting something the way it was intended (although I don't think you did that). For a partner to not accept that you really had a feeling, and it's OK to do that, is called "turning away" in John Gottman lingo.

He aint supporting you like a partner "normally" does.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

john117 said:


> Dr. Obvious asks.. could it be he changed his mind about the marriage?




I was wondering the same thing.
Maybe he thinks he made a terrible mistake and this is his way of telling you and making you do all the dirty work by leaving...makes him look stellar even though he is the one with doubts.
In any case you don't deserve this. He won't change and it'll probably get worse. The time to leave is now or else you'll be there a few years from now...perhaps with a kid and feel even more stuck. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

one more vote for GET OUT NOW ! and don't feel guilty , it will go away


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@elizabethking I don't need or ever want to put a "spell" on someone to make them love me. I want someone to love me from their own natural self for who I am not, not because they are forced too or feel like they have too. What kind of love is that?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Don't quote the spam bots. It just makes it worse.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

Ok. I have a question.. You said in the past he asked you for oral because he didn’t feel like he could be intimate in your parents’ home. Did he give you oral too? Or were you the only one giving and him the only one receiving?

Also, you said he lived an hour and half away.. How often did you go to his home town and meet his family and friends??


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

The time to leave is now. You are newlyweds .. and not acting at all like newlyweds. You have discovered something now that you did not know earlier (and that is not your fault). With your new information, you need to get out of this and not try to analyze it or try to fix it. I don't believe it can be fixed.

At this point, being newlyweds and young he should be wanting to find any way to spend more time inside you, not pull out and leave the room. You (and everybody else) deserves far better, someone that can't wait to spend hours with you in bed.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

fightforher said:


> The time to leave is now. You are newlyweds .. and not acting at all like newlyweds. You have discovered something now that you did not know earlier (and that is not your fault). With your new information, you need to get out of this and not try to analyze it or try to fix it. I don't believe it can be fixed.
> 
> At this point, being newlyweds and young he should be wanting to find any way to spend more time inside you, not pull out and leave the room. You (and everybody else) deserves far better, someone that can't wait to spend hours with you in bed.


Ehh it's half her fault. She should have known. You don't marry someone without knowing if your sexually compatible. She needs to understand this so she doesn't repeat. Don't bury problems and hope they get better after you say "I Do". They never do. I made the same mistake with my first marriage. There is no shame in realizing you made a mistake, divorcing, and learning from it. That's what life is about.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

GuyInColorado said:


> Ehh it's half her fault. She should have known. You don't marry someone without knowing if your sexually compatible. She needs to understand this so she doesn't repeat. Don't bury problems and hope they get better after you say "I Do". They never do. I made the same mistake with my first marriage. There is no shame in realizing you made a mistake, divorcing, and learning from it. That's what life is about.


Totally disagree. She was deceived. It's not her fault that she was deceived.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> Totally disagree. She was deceived. It's not her fault that she was deceived.


Actually, I have to agree with @GuyInColorado.

Yes, @LostWife90 was deceived. However, she knew there was some kind of sexual dysfunction, she addressed it, he made excuses, and then she married him anyway.

The deception is 100% on him. Marrying him knowing there was a serious problem and hoping it would somehow mysteriously work out is 100% on her.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

GuyInColorado said:


> Ehh it's half her fault. She should have known. You don't marry someone without knowing if your sexually compatible. She needs to understand this so she doesn't repeat. Don't bury problems and hope they get better after you say "I Do". They never do. I made the same mistake with my first marriage. There is no shame in realizing you made a mistake, divorcing, and learning from it. That's what life is about.


Nah. Some people are very inexperienced when going in to their first marriage because they haven't had many (if any) LTRs previously. It's not a character flaw to be a 'late bloomer' but it is a risk to get married to your first LTR. 

You can't equate lack of experience with outright deception. Based on what we've heard here, her husband is a bad person. 

Now that she knows she should ditch this "starter marriage" hopefully she will have a real understanding of what to look for in a partner.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> The deception is 100% on him. Marrying him knowing there was a serious problem and hoping it would somehow mysteriously work out is 100% on her.


That might be true, LostWife, but it's not too late to fix that particular mistake.

Another vote for bail.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

I am back with a development that I have no idea how to process.

I was not aware of his sexual problems before marriage, he deceived me and others about it until after the wedding. 

Today I talked to him about it and he kept with the staying hard problem and low sex drive UNTIL he admitted he masturbates twice a week and the reason he doesn't want sex is because it is too much effort/work for the man. 

We have been married for 2 months and he feels this way? Yet, prior to our marriage he slept with many women. 

Personally, I feel like this is the nail in the coffin. We are newlyweds and you want your hand versus a wife in the next room who is telling you that we are having a huge issue with sex life.

More lies, more deception, what do ya'll think?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

LostWife90 said:


> I am back with a development that I have no idea how to process.
> 
> I was not aware of his sexual problems before marriage, he deceived me and others about it until after the wedding.
> 
> ...


Your husband is a jerk. He doesn't care about your feelings or your needs. He must be getting something out of your marriage, but he sure doesn't care about you. Have you looked into annulment? If that isn't available in your circumstances, I'd recommend divorcing as soon as possible to get out of this shame of a marriage and onto living a happier life.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWife90 said:


> I am back with a development that I have no idea how to process.
> 
> I was not aware of his sexual problems before marriage, he deceived me and others about it until after the wedding.
> 
> ...


Yes, more lies and more deception. He's making excuses. He's changing his story yet again to delay you from making the decision to leave.

I hope you do annul or divorce. If you do, next time make sure you have an active and fulfilling sexual relationship BEFORE you marry!


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

He has a low sex drive at the least. He also has an aversion to intimacy. I suspect there is a deeper issue with his sexuality. Likely he hoped getting married would fix everything. It won't. You need to let him go.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

LostWife90 said:


> I am back with a development that I have no idea how to process.
> 
> I was not aware of his sexual problems before marriage, he deceived me and others about it until after the wedding.
> 
> ...


More half truths and more deception. I agree.

Sounds like another attempt to erode your self esteem. First he pulls out in the middle of sex. This is not normal. And anybody would feel hurt by that action. Then he tells you that he prefers his hand to you. This has got to hurt as well. From what you have said here, he is being very hurtful when you guys have sex or talk about it.

He slept with many women? How do you know? He does not appear to be telling the truth about his sex life. I suspect that this is a lie. In any event, it is again something to erode away your self esteem (i.e. I have slept with many women, but I don't prefer to sleep with you).

Don't think about this much longer. Yes, this is the nail in the coffin. Time to get out. I do not believe it will get better. Don't think about it, just get out. This is something that will erode your self esteem as well. We want to here that you are starting the exit route. The sooner you get out the less chance he will have to do more harm.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

:grin2:


Vulcan2013 said:


> He has a low sex drive at the least. He also has an aversion to intimacy. I suspect there is a deeper issue with his sexuality. Likely he hoped getting married would fix everything. It won't. You need to let him go.


This.

somethins going on other than boner problems or too tired.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I will ask again, is he worried about unwanted pregnancy? Even while married, sex carries a lot of responsibilities, and if he is the kind of guy that feels burdened by responsibility then it makes sense he is inclined to prefer masturbation (which seemingly carries no responsibilities at all). I am sure he, like all guys, is completely driven by his sexual thoughts, but likely feels very frustrated that in real life is nothing like in his mind and its just too much stress to try. I suspect he is a very "responsible" type of guy and an introvert that is a thinker rather than a do-er, makes for a lousy relationship partner unless you are allowed into the deepest parts of his mind.


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## Fere222 (Jul 25, 2016)

I suggest you go to counseling and if he is not willing then I would end the marriage. There is definitely a problem. For me, sex is one of the most important parts of marriage. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Vulcan2013 said:


> He has a low sex drive at the least. He also has an aversion to intimacy. I suspect there is a deeper issue with his sexuality. Likely he hoped getting married would fix everything. It won't. You need to let him go.


^This

My vote is for low (or no) sex drive. It's not common, but it's definitely a thing. In fact, let me change that - it's not "low" sex drive, it's no sex drive. Even with people who are LD, including extreme LD, once they get going, they usually finish. This whole getting up and walking away in the middle of it screams NO interest.

Frankly, I feel bad for him - IF he's asexual. Asexuality is not something that is common knowledge or discussed (though it's getting better in recent years), and it occurs only slightly less frequently than homosexuality, believe it or not.

There are many different spots one can fall on the asexuality spectrum, including those who have a real aversion to it. ie. avoid at all costs. The more commonly found spot on the spectrum is those who have no desire or interest in sex, yet do understand that it is important in a relationship, and engage in it - often with "normal" physical pleasure. My wife identifies as such. No interest, no need, no normal physical attraction, etc. Yet we have sex, she's good at it, she gets something out of it (multiple O's, squirts, adventurous, etc.). This is what one more often finds in asexuals. A "normal" sex life, physically, anyway, but without the "need", desire, the being turned on by, say, a hot guy or girl, porn, fantasies, etc.

But as I said, there are those on the spectrum who have an outright aversion to sex, period.

My GUESS is that OP's husband knows there's something not right about him, and thought - as many people do - that circumstances will change things. My wife knew as far back as her teen years that she did not share the same desire as her girlfriends did, that she derived nothing out of checking out hot guys, that all her friends were attracted to this, that or the other thing, and she wasn't. Yet she had sex, still has sex, enjoys it, gets something from it, but yet still has (and never had) the same desire the rest of us have for it.

Obviously many people who identify as asexual are able to function "normally", as they can, and do have sex, and often get just as much physical pleasure from it as the rest of us.

But there's a smaller group of asexuals who are completely averse to it. They often still desire a romantic relationship (some don't, however), and DO identify as hetero- or homosexual, but simply can not function sexually. This is what this thread seems like to me.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@Lon Unwanted pregnancy is not a concern because of fertility complications on my end. The chances of a whoops is slim. He is an introvert, highly intelligent but he does have a rough childhood that he hasn't dealt with.

He has agreed to go to counseling and that is my last effort. I have told him as much. Counseling is my last thing before I can look in the mirror and honestly say I did everything I could to save the marriage.


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## LostWife90 (Jul 21, 2016)

@alexm It could be but he has had a very active sex life prior to getting married. He told me that he hoped when he found the right one his problems of staying hard would go away but pulling out and leaving in the middle of sex just doesn't make sense. He doesn't do foreplay or anything after. From the very start to finish with intimacy is normally 7-10 minutes. I'm not bashing his lasting time.

At this point, the only time we have sex, is when I've pushed him enough and it's almost like he just does enough to get me to shut up for awhile.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

LostWife90 said:


> @alexm It could be but he has had a very active sex life prior to getting married. He told me that he hoped when he found the right one his problems of staying hard would go away but pulling out and leaving in the middle of sex just doesn't make sense. He doesn't do foreplay or anything after. From the very start to finish with intimacy is normally 7-10 minutes. I'm not bashing his lasting time.
> 
> At this point, the only time we have sex, is when I've pushed him enough and it's almost like he just does enough to get me to shut up for awhile.


Fair enough. However, I imagine your knowledge of his "very active sex life" came from his mouth, not from you actually being there? Just something to think about.

In any case, don't discount the fact that men can be just as stressed out about sex as women. We hear often on TAM from husbands who's wives are always tired, too stressed, too busy, etc. for (what they deem as) a healthy sex life. That issue is only exacerbated - not helped - by the husband MAKING it an issue, thus increasing any perceived pressure on the wife. That, of course, severely diminishes any pleasure derived from sex on the part of the wife, and leads to feeling pressured, anxiety, and a general lack of any fun.

This can happen to men, too.

My wife is not good at initiating sex for a variety of reasons. Over the years, it's been me 99% + of the time. When I pointed this out several years ago, she made an effort to reverse that, however her method was, generally, to be extremely subtle about it (ie. naked under the covers at bedtime, to which it was up to me to discover. In other words, initiating basically by telling me, or showing me it was "okay" for me to then properly initiate sex... This, to her, was effort and initiating. To me, this was merely telling me it was okay to have sex with her. Which is NOT sexy, nor made me feel any more desired than before.

So for a brief period, I felt a lot of stress and pressure in regards to this. When I missed one of her extremely subtle hints, she made sure to tell me a week later should I happen to mention we hadn't had sex in 10 days or something. This just created more pressure and stress for me. I truly believe she meant well, and in her mind she WAS "initiating", but in the end, I basically told her to stop doing things like that because I was always on the lookout for signs, and that was impacting a lot of things, never mind just our sex life.

Not the same thing exactly, but perhaps your husband is feeling pressured and/or stressed out about sex. I've gone through brief periods of generally being unable to perform for different reasons, but we've worked them out when they arise.

I'll tell you a funny story: When my wife and I started dating, the first few times we had sex, I made sure I lasted a long time. She was the first person I had been with in ~15 years. I wasn't nervous about it, but I wanted to perform adequately. I knew that she had much more experience sexually than I had, she knew what she was doing, and she, I assumed, knew what good sex was. God forbid I lasted 2 minutes...

On the opposite side of that, I had conditioned myself to finish quickly with my ex wife. She had a fairly high sex drive, but we were not physically compatible, nor was she able to derive any pleasure from oral sex on her (highly painful sensitive clitoris). She orgasmed only from manual stimulation of her gspot or a vibrator. Intercourse would become uncomfortable for her after a short period due to the size mismatch. Therefore I trained myself to finish in 90 seconds or less. She would usually have to bring herself to orgasm first, before I could enter her, and she could only handle a minute or two of it, and slowly.

The first (and honestly, only) compliment my current wife has given me in regards to sex was waaay back then, when she remarked how long I lasted, how much attention I paid to her (especially orally) and how I took the time to give her multiple O's. She said her most recent experience(s), including an LTR prior to me, were of the 2-3 minute variety, with oral sex not being anywhere near a priority, nor were her orgasms.

Fast forward several years, and she's since remarked that I last too long.  It's not that she wants it to be over quickly, it's that it makes it appear as though I have to really work at it in order for me to finish. Which is, ironically, true. It's not at all that I'm not turned on by her, it's that I've conditioned myself this way. Where at one point I took much pride in being a long-lasting attentive lover, and was complimented on it, it's now swung in the opposite direction, as she is now feeling like I don't do it for her. The irony is that many women are not insulted when a man gets off quickly from time to time. In fact, it makes many women feel good about themselves. I know that now...!

So now I have this pressure on me to finish quicker, even though I've totally conditioned myself for stamina.

Long story short (sorry), perhaps he's feeling tremendous pressure from you to perform adequately, or at all.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

LostWife90 said:


> @Lon Unwanted pregnancy is not a concern because of fertility complications on my end. The chances of a whoops is slim. He is an introvert, highly intelligent but he does have a rough childhood that he hasn't dealt with.
> 
> *He has agreed to go to counseling *and that is my last effort. I have told him as much. Counseling is my last thing before I can look in the mirror and honestly say I did everything I could to save the marriage.


That is a step in the right direction .. for him to go to counseling with you. Glad to hear that he has the commitment to work with you.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> I know for a fact he is not and he isn't watching porn either.


Yikes.

Said just about every betrayed wife before they found out differently. :surprise:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> Yet, prior to our marriage he slept with many women.


Are you *sure*? 

Just because he SAYS he slept with a lot of women doesn't mean he did. And just because he may have dated a lot and even had other relationships doesn't mean he was having sex with them on the regular.

I'm still willing to bet you're a 'beard' for him.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LostWife90 said:


> He doesn't do foreplay or anything after. From the very start to finish with intimacy is normally 7-10 minutes. I'm not bashing his lasting time.
> 
> At this point, the only time we have sex, is when I've pushed him enough and it's almost like he just does enough to get me to shut up for awhile.


Just. Ugh.

So *your *pleasure is absolutely NO concern of his? He just hops on, gets his satisfaction (when he doesn't get up and walk away in the middle of it ) and then hops back off? What is he, 15 years old?

The only one trying to save your marriage is YOU.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I fail to see what counseling is going to do for this, this guy is a liar who roped you into marriage under false pretenses. 

What's going on with him isn't fixable. .... he is what he is.

This will be more of your life wasted. 

But if it still make you feel better about ending things knock yourself out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

LostWife90 said:


> @Lon Unwanted pregnancy is not a concern because of fertility complications on my end. The chances of a whoops is slim. He is an introvert, highly intelligent but he does have a rough childhood that he hasn't dealt with.
> 
> He has agreed to go to counseling and that is my last effort. I have told him as much. Counseling is my last thing before I can look in the mirror and honestly say I did everything I could to save the marriage.


Makes sense to me for him to seek counselling, it quite clearly is an issue within him, nothing to do with you and I would wager not likely anything about your marriage that is specifically causing him to stop. I hope for the benefit of both of you that he can make enough progress through some kind of therapy.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

LostWife90 said:


> @Lon Unwanted pregnancy is not a concern because of fertility complications on my end. The chances of a whoops is slim. He is an introvert, highly intelligent but he does have a rough childhood that he hasn't dealt with.
> 
> *He has agreed to go to counseling and that is my last effort. I have told him as much. Counseling is my last thing before I can look in the mirror and honestly say I did everything I could to save the marriage*.


Stick with that. This must be fixed with counseling or you will leave. My concern is that he might make little improvements to keep you hanging on and hoping for better. And that accepting counseling is just one of many micro steps to keeping your hopes up.

Put a time limit or session limit on counseling. I would let him know your limit so he knows that this is serious, and a deal breaker. 



lifeistooshort said:


> I fail to see what counseling is going to do for this, this guy is a liar who roped you into marriage under false pretenses.
> 
> What's going on with him isn't fixable. .... he is what he is.
> 
> ...


Yes, it could be more life wasted .. that is why I suggest you set a limit on how long you will try counseling before bailing.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

My friend. If I told you what my honeymoon was like. You and everyone else on the forum would have told me to get an annulment. 

I thought as you did, stick it out, for better or worse right? 

Wrong. Really please consider the consequences.

As a token set of data. I ended up being a single Father to an amazing son. Please read that last sentence and this sentence with care. I was willing to stick it out and "do the right thing". The other side left us high and dry.

This isn't about me though. This is about you. I ask not for sympathy (my life is amazing at the moment), but offer an example of where your mode of thinking gets you. 

My heart goes out to you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Either he agrees to go with you to a licensed sex therapist, or you go see a licensed family lawyer about ending this immature charade of his!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

Hate to say it OP but if it's like this starting out it won't get better. There are deeper issues here an counseling might not fix it. If I were you I would just cut your losses and start over if the religious aspect is not the deciding factor for you.


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