# Can toys make you grow apart or closer?



## misslizzy89 (Mar 14, 2011)

My husband and I are starting to experiment more and I was wondering if toys have made couples grow apart or closer and does it ever cause self confidence issues to come up? 

It seems to me that either spouse may become addicted to using toys instead of just natural sex and that may cause an issue. Has anyone experienced this? I don't want to take a chance of either of us having more confidence issues than we already do.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

I'm sure it can go both ways and depends on the couple.

After 15 years of marriage I initiated us bringing toys into the bedroom. I know my husband was a little worried that they would replace him (which I found a little offensive, but I didn't make a big deal out of it). However, I think he is happy about it now. He is getting more sex than a few months ago and things are certainly spiced up from where they were.

You cannot emotionally connect to a piece of silicon or plastic or glass or whatever. If the toys become an issue they are really just a symptom of emotional detachment or loss of attraction or some other marital issue that needs dealing with.

They can actually be a great way to start more conversations about how to please eachother...we've had some good laughs over them, too. Laughing in bed together is priceless.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I could see how a problem could develop if one partner or the other used toys INSTEAD of 'natural' sex...however, when they're a PART of sex you're having together, then it's just one more new sensation. Not all that different from say, trying a new position or some nice lingerie, really.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't think that toys have made us closer or moved us apart. They are just toys. We both love them and I like to watch my wife please herself sometimes.
They have expanded our fun in the bedroom, but we also have times when we don't use them.
Enjoy them.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

I think using toys have brought us closer. My wife was kinda shy at first but after we started using them she loved it and I love using them on her and watching her use them. Its also nice to know that she can pleasure herself if she wants to or if I'm not feeling up to it. 

I agree with you misslizzy, introducing toys can make a couple distant if they only want to use the toy alone and they dont want to have sex with their lover. If this happens I dont think it would be because of the toy. There would have to be some other underlying issues and it could be as simple as the other person sucks in bed. DanF said it.. They are just toys Its the people using them that can cause a problem. 

Some men are jealouse of their wifes vibrators becuase its bigger then their d*** and the wives turn to it more then their husbands. If this happens then you just have to lern how to please your wife so she wont need it..

But they can be very fun for both people as long as you're both comfertable with it. Just start small with a $20 vibrator from spencors or something. If you guys both like it then you can start getting into more stuff.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

It's good you're sensitive and aware of the issue, so I doubt you'd have problems.

My hubby and I like to have fun with toys sometimes but it's just to supplement for variety and we've had no problems with closeness because of toys.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I've used toys on every one of my partners that's been open to the idea, and I sure don't feel it's pushed us further apart. It hasn't really brought us closer together either, I don't think, besides a slightly better/different sex life. But it's really just one more tool in the toolbox, you know?

I've recently gone through a bit of a "confidence in the bedroom" shake-down myself, and I found that using the toys ensured that my partner could still enjoy herself, even if I had concerns about how MY body was responding. After all, it's never going to fail us, unless it breaks or the batteries run down. 

I know that my current partner has different orgasms with one of her toys than she usually does with me. I'm trying to learn what/how to use it on her to give her the same. But it doesn't intimidate me at all... Just turns me on. 

C


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I'm sure anything can happen with anybody.

The only time I see that a "toy" would cause a problem is if he/she gets a better orgasm than with you - than THAT would be a problem.

We use lots of toys, pretty much every time we're intimate and I don't see it as a deterance but more of an aid.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I'd love to get into toys with the wife. She has a few but uses them as a private thing. I think it's something that would break down another "wall" and bring us even closer.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

misslizzy89 said:


> My husband and I are starting to experiment more and I was wondering if toys have made couples grow apart or closer and does it ever cause self confidence issues to come up?
> 
> It seems to me that either spouse may become addicted to using toys instead of just natural sex and that may cause an issue. Has anyone experienced this? I don't want to take a chance of either of us having more confidence issues than we already do.


I once used my neck massager to masturbate, several times weekly. My husband was uncomfortable with me buying a vibrator, because I had him. At one point, he even hid the massager from me.
Some men feel inadequate when their wives use vibrators. If a man is secure in himself and likes to experiment, it can add some fun to sex. 
It only becomes a problem, if someone ignores their partner sexually, because of the machine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I'm sure anything can happen with anybody.
> 
> The only time I see that a "toy" would cause a problem is if he/she gets a better orgasm than with you - than THAT would be a problem.


I don't get THAT at all. Have you met the Hitachi magic wand??!!?? Wowzer. But it is no substitute for DH. And not just for the O.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> I don't get THAT at all. Have you met the Hitachi magic wand??!!?? Wowzer. But it is no substitute for DH. And not just for the O.


Yes I have.

But I just happen to be one of the 70% of women that CANNOT orgasm from intercouse.

So it's stimulation for me only. And I have found that a hand, mouth or toy works just as well for that stimulation - one no better than the other for me, so I tend to buy "cheap."


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Yes I have.
> 
> But I just happen to be one of the 70% of women that CANNOT orgasm from intercouse.
> 
> So it's stimulation for me only. And I have found that a hand, mouth or toy works just as well for that stimulation - one no better than the other for me, so I tend to buy "cheap."


I misunderstood. I thought you meant there was a problem if a toy was a better O than you DH.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> I misunderstood. I thought you meant there was a problem if a toy was a better O than you DH.


I guess I did, but meant it in the respect that if you PREFER a toy over your OH, then you have a problem - the toy is giving you something they aren't.

Either I phrased it wrong or read it back wrong or something - hell, guess I just wrote it wrong!

Now it's clarified...

Thanks.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I guess I did, but meant it in the respect that if you PREFER a toy over your OH, then you have a problem - the toy is giving you something they aren't.


Oh yes I agree. But the degree of O is not the determinant of preference for me.



> Either I phrased it wrong or read it back wrong or something - hell, guess I just wrote it wrong!
> 
> Now it's clarified...
> 
> Thanks.


I get it!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

michzz said:


> Almost sounds as if the Magic Wand could also cut grass and kill spiders we'd be out the door.


No way. No O ever beats the man.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mom6547 said:


> No way. No O ever beats the man.


Ah, so it is in the edging skills.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Mom6547 said:


> No way. No O ever beats the man.



Always good to know


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