# False Allegations Used to Justify Affair



## freedom7 (Jul 13, 2012)

I know it is common for a WS to resort to these methods to justify the cheating. The most insidious one seems to be the emotional neglect/lack of communication one. Others include abuse or allegations of being controlling.
I , recently, found out that my XW had told people that I was physically and verbally abusive. I never was.
How can they do this after what they have done? It is even more cruelty and abusive in itself.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Simple.
Because its either that, or recognize what a piece of sh!t they really are (or at least, have been)
Much easier on the ol ego to blame the spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

So that all of her family and friends will say: "You did nothing wrong, HE was the one that was abusive. You made the RIGHT decision to leave him. He deserves everything that happened to him!"


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## Playing Catch-Up (Apr 8, 2013)

Yes, my WW blamed me for everything from being emotionally distant to making her look bad in front of her colleagues (when they found out, not by my doing) to her father's death several years before her most recent A. I think it's their way of defending themselves by going on the offensive at a moment when they've been forced to see reality.


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## freedom7 (Jul 13, 2012)

The dishonesty is , truly, astounding.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My WS:

1. Mac is homosexual. Nope.
2. Threatened to kill me. Nope.
3. Verbally and mentally abusive. True, I was last year after my WS repeatedly lied, lied some more and then lied more.
4. Spending money like a mad man. I had to prove to her family by sending them bank statements that she was lying about two weeks ago. She lost her middle sister over this one and some other lies and she was telling her everything.
5. I was lonely. I was really lonely. Tried this on my youngest son's friend when I was in Iraq and is saying it again to her family. 
6. And the list goes on.

Blame shifting in high gear. Lies goes with the territory. They rewrite the marriage, who their BS is, etc.

It is moral bankruptcy on steroids.


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## Playing Catch-Up (Apr 8, 2013)

One of my WW's false allegations that I should add to my above post is her insistence that we'd agreed that certain things she did during her various A's were mutually agreed by us as okay. So she'll cop to this and that, but not the other thing because we always agreed that was okay for us. Pretty sure I'd remember agreeing to that, hon.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

It was pretty stunning to me. I can't imagine being more supportive, communicative, a more involved parent, providing better, sacrificing more etc. without getting it all back from your spouse. I got my company to provide me an iPhone (score!) to go with the one i had bought her the year before specifically because I wanted to improve communication with her, then within months I discover she had been purposely avoiding me. I got an upgrade for her wedding ring at Christmas because I remembered she didn't appreciate the $900 ring I had bought the previous Christmas (she forgot I had bought her anything!?!). 

Then she tells her family and friends and the posom that I was the one that was distant and didn't love her and wouldn't support her and wouldn't help with the kids and abused her (!) etc. 

Yeah, no one wants to think of themselves as the bad guy so they create a world in their mind where they are totally justified for what they do.

An adept mind will absorb any amount of truth and twist it to their advantage.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

It may depend on the personality of the cheater and if they can face the music?? My XW lied her arse off when light was shone on the reason I filed. Those with a brain know the truth. Even at that, some don't care.

The hardest for me was telling the kids the truth when they asked and having their mother lie about it. Our kids are teens, I just couldn't see "sheltering them" as XW asked me to. 

Basically she told the kids that I lost it and was being selfish. Not sure how that was sheltering them??


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