# Divorced woman this confused???



## Divorcedguy (Apr 18, 2016)

I am a divorced male with kids dating a divorced woman with kids. 

Any advice here would be helpful to help me understand this situation. 

About 6 weeks ago met a girl and he had great chemistry. She said she is divorced, totally over ex, starting life over in my state. 

Quickly she suggested we live together. Asked if I am seeing anyone else etc. Then one day she went to visit her kids in another state and came back to text me "I am working things out with him so I can see my kids"

I was shocked but let it go. She then started texting me an hour later how much she misses me, feels she is making a mistake etc. 

So we continued to see each other. She suggests we move in together again, buy a home together etc. (she inherited a lot of money as dad just died)

Once again she visits kids and just changes her number!! I call her mom to see what happened, then the gf calls to tell me she is working things out with the ex again.! Once again, a few hours later she misses me, wants to see me etc. 

So we continue to date. Then one day she just says she is moving, is renting s home to be close to her kids in the other state, but wand to see me once a month. I tell her I will be dating other people as a long distance relationship isn't for me. 

So she is basically staying in the other state with her ex husband even though she rented her own house. She said he knows about me etc. 

So now she came back again, saw me more, and told me she wants to live with me during the week, and travel to see her children on the weekends. This was 4 days ago. She is staying with her ex for the final weekend, (again) but assured me she is totally over him and needs to move on. 

She was texting me day and night but now has been total silence for past 4 days. 

Is she that confused? Wants to have both men? 

Just odd when talking to her in person and she is sooo positive about what she wants, then when out of sight changes mind instantly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

If you are sticking around for this, she isn't the only one that is confused. Tell her to take a hike and find some one new. All women are not like this. You deserve better.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

she clearly has not let her ex go. Move on...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Wanting to move in together immediately is a big red flag. Wanting to buy a house together immediately is an even bigger one. The two of you don't really know each other so that topic shouldn't even have come up this soon for any reason. 

To say she's confused is putting it nicely. She's ultra impulsive and doesn't exactly sound stable at this point in her life -- or maybe this is just how she normally is. You've only been around her for a brief time so there's no way to tell if this is the temporary her or the permanent her. But it's not a good view either way. Move on.


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## Divorcedguy (Apr 18, 2016)

What has been irritating is how sure she always is. 

Just asking me Friday what she wants to leave at my house, a good car to buy for commuting, if busses make that route, and then totally disappearing. 

She apologized for her back and forth behavior, and finally when it seems over it happens again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm sorry, but what the what now? A woman you've known for six _weeks_ has moved in with you, and back out again, _twice_ now. And she's gone back to her ex-husband in another state several times as well. Oh, and now she wants to live with both of you, apparently alternating week days and weekends. 

And you are still sticking around. Seriously?!? :slap:

My question is not what's wrong with her. That's easy. She's flaky as all hell and obviously unstable. 

My question is what's wrong with _you_? You need to be in therapy. To figure out why you'd even consider putting up with this situation. To fix whatever's broken in your self-esteem and your woman-picker that you'd wonder, even for a fraction of an instant, what to do in this situation. Seriously. You cannot fix her. You need to fix yourself. A healthy person would have shut this down when she mentioned moving in with you the first time when you'd only been dating a few weeks. SMDH


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## Divorcedguy (Apr 18, 2016)

Rowan said:


> I'm sorry, but what the what now? A woman you've known for six _weeks_ has moved in with you, and back out again, _twice_ now. And she's gone back to her ex-husband in another state several times as well. Oh, and now she wants to live with both of you, apparently alternating week days and weekends.
> 
> And you are still sticking around. Seriously?!? :slap:
> 
> ...


Come on. Therapy??

Look. If you had an extremely attractive woman giving you great sex, coming over to cook for you, cleaning your house before you wake up, and actually telling you a long story that is somewhat believe able it isn't that easy to just cut and run immediately. 

Sure, my judgement was clouded and she made it clear she was only going to see her kid, custody fight not over etc etc. 

At this point yes, I would probably say someone doing what I did was not making good decisions, but when you have a beautiful girl telling you she is falling in love with you it is a bit harder on the inside
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

a couple things...why does she not have custody of the kids? did she tell you about how they broke up (whose fault)? has she given you a timeline for this back and forth?

Guy in the end if this works for you then keep at it, but make sure you do not invest in this relationship anymore then you have too...otherwise she holds all the cards...maybe its better that you tell her that when she is with her ex, then you are single and leave it at that...i think you will find that she will be the one reaching out to you more when that happens, it will drive her crazy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Geez.

Just dump her already.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Divorcedguy said:


> Come on. Therapy??
> 
> Look. If you had an extremely attractive woman giving you great sex, coming over to cook for you, cleaning your house before you wake up, and actually telling you a long story that is somewhat believe able it isn't that easy to just cut and run immediately.
> 
> ...


Hey, if you're willing to put up with this much crazy for sex & housekeeping services, then that's up to you. Just don't complain about the crazy. You clearly know what you're getting.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Go back and read your post five times. If you don't experience a light bulb moment you may be beyond help.


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## Divorcedguy (Apr 18, 2016)

Ok. Nevermind. It is over. 

She just texted me she has been sleeping with her ex this weekend. And how she misses me blah blah blah. 

Sure she probably has before , but she just told me that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Divorcedguy said:


> Ok. Nevermind. It is over.
> 
> She just texted me she has been sleeping with her ex this weekend. And how she misses me blah blah blah.
> 
> ...


Good, she's done you a favor! Now block her from all contact.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Good Lord, Man...

I can only echo what others have already said - you seriously need to work on your woman-picker.

NO WAY I'd stand for anyone doing that to me - I don't care how attractive or good in bed he is. I'm a divorced woman with a kid, myself. You say you have kids, too - what in the world do they think of this whole thing? You sure as sh!t don't want someone that unstable having anything to do with your kids.

I have to shake my head at what some people will put up with in order to get laid. I'm sorry, but seriously.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP,
Are you going for sloppy seconds when she calls you up and comes over??
You know this pattern was pretty obvious, right?
She's probably not even divorced. Sounds like a total wacko.
LYING??? Not her???
LOL.

Sorry, I know this is rough. BUt, she did kinda let you know over and over by her actions, what it was all about.


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

OP,

For your consideration.

Stop thinking with your little head, and use the big one sitting om your shoulders.

It will help!


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## Divorcedguy (Apr 18, 2016)

The only reason I "believed" was because my ex and I did live together for a bit and it was not sexual during and after the divorce. Also her mom lived with her divorced dad for years just as friends. So I did sort of believe it was about the kid etc. plus with her telling me daily how much she is into me, and taking the time to plan her life with me etc etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Therapy?! Yes.

Moving/living with someone after 6 weeks (sex, housekeeping or whatever) is a big deal. If you both have children, you certainly don't know each other well enough to cohabitate and introduce your children to each other.

Allowing the back/forth flakiness regarding her ex....

Why so quick? Why so desperate? What believe anything anyone says after 6 weeks?

This isn't a judgement just a wakeup. Gaining insight into our behaviors is the most powerful tool. If we can figure out why we do some of the things we do that are not in our best interest....perhaps we don't repeat the same mistakes.

Therapy..yes!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Red flag no.1 - A woman that has moved away from her kids, she is not right in the head.

OP you sound pretty desperate, where is your self esteem? Take a huge step back and imagine if this was a mate or a brother, I seriously hope you would suggest he run for the hills.

Sorry but the woman is a crazy maker, how you can't see that is amazing. Get yourself some professional help STAT.


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