# Big Family Problems



## triplem

I have a daughter from a previos relationship, from a diferent country.

Well my Step Daughter has alway been very Dificult and jelous but since my Stepson does not live with us it was manageble. 

Well I have decided for my Daughter to move with us cuasing huge family problems that starts with extreme jelousy by my stepdaughter leading her to be very bossy to the Extreme. 

Recently my wife has now turned against me telling me that my daughter is the problem because everything was good before telling all kinds of stuff about my daughter when I have acepted her kids for years, the situation has become very tense.

There is alot more to tell but I just need some input on how to handle this issue now that she is starting to hate my daughter which is in the prosses of learning english and 2 Against one is Dificult on my Daughter.


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## nerrod

Family round table meetings once a week, for starters, Family counseling is a MUST!!!


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## triplem

soo Family counseling has not been possible because my stepdaughter threw a fit and said she was going to move to her Dads if we made her go to counseling which she knows gets my Spouses veins running cause her dad already took the boy to live with him and she doesn't want to lose the girl.

Leaving me in difficult situation because although the situation is getting better still, she does not want anything to be bought for my daughter and I think in a certain way her mom backs her up.

and I fear this is affecting my daughter that is coping with the different country, new friends and adapting to the language.


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## InTheSameBoat1

I don't know how old your daughter is, but I moved to the US from Poland when I was 19. It was the most horrific time of my life. I did not have any frieds, the US culture pissed me off to pieces, everything was different and I hated the WORLD!!!!!!!!!And missed my FAMILY and FRIENDS. 
And the only reason I was MAD was because I did not feel like I could truly trust anyone, talk to anybody, hang out with anybody. 
The only thing that helped me was finding a friend. Please google "cultural shock". Cultural shock is a serious issue that many don't know about. Please go to this link and read about it, and give it to your wife http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock
It can really turn into something more serious if you don't take your daughter in your arms, and tell her every day that you LOVE HER TO PIECES and please talk to her, be the best friend for her she could ever ask for and you will find that she is going to cooperate. Give her the freedom of making decisions. Be carefull like you would be with a toddler. 
Maybe you need to be reminded that she is still a kid, not an adult in a little body, a KID that needs guidance. She needs you!!! And she is demonstrating it! Maybe change the way you approach her? Can you take her out for lunch and do something fun? Get closer to her before you bring up the issues and talk...


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## triplem

My Daughter is not having that much of a hard time adapting, it is more that my step daughter is having time adjusting to a new family member to the point the he has become a bully to my Daughter.





InTheSameBoat1 said:


> I don't know how old your daughter is, but I moved to the US from Poland when I was 19. It was the most horrific time of my life. I did not have any frieds, the US culture pissed me off to pieces, everything was different and I hated the WORLD!!!!!!!!!And missed my FAMILY and FRIENDS.
> And the only reason I was MAD was because I did not feel like I could truly trust anyone, talk to anybody, hang out with anybody.
> The only thing that helped me was finding a friend. Please google "cultural shock". Cultural shock is a serious issue that many don't know about. Please go to this link and read about it, and give it to your wife Culture shock - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> It can really turn into something more serious if you don't take your daughter in your arms, and tell her every day that you LOVE HER TO PIECES and please talk to her, be the best friend for her she could ever ask for and you will find that she is going to cooperate. Give her the freedom of making decisions. Be carefull like you would be with a toddler.
> Maybe you need to be reminded that she is still a kid, not an adult in a little body, a KID that needs guidance. She needs you!!! And she is demonstrating it! Maybe change the way you approach her? Can you take her out for lunch and do something fun? Get closer to her before you bring up the issues and talk...


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## Bluemoon7

Why is your step-daughter running the show? It sounds like she is bullying all of you. She shouldn't even be given the option of not going to counseling. How can your wife be a good mother when she allows her daughter to threaten to move with her dad to get her way? That is RIDICULOUS. And it's going to continue to hurt your family and not be good for your step daughter either. Eventually there will be something she insists on that you and your wife can't go along with, so why let her hold your lives hostage like that?

It doesn't make any sense why your daughter is the problem when it is her daughter that has the problem. Just because your daughter is new to the house does not mean she's the problem.

Be an ally to your daughter. Don't gang up on her with your wife. Don't let your wife treat her poorly either. Your daughter is likely going through a VERY difficult time adjusting as it is and the fighting probably makes her feel like she isn't wanted there. She deserves a chance to have a relationship with her father, but if you aren't careful and don't protect her from this drama she might end up resenting you.


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## triplem

I have no other ways of approaching the situation. 
Financial situation and also my spouse do not let me leave the relationship.
While it is true it seems my stepdaughter is running the show because my spouse lets her I do protect my daughter when needed, but it seems like I am drowning in a glass of water.


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