# Crossdressing, etc.



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

My husband and I have been together 7 years, married for almost 4. We are 28 and 31, and have both been mostly satisfied with our sex life together, attracted to each other, etc.

However, when we met and got together we were both more relaxed about what attracted us, and about sexuality in general. My husband, for example, enjoyed wearing skirts occasionally and I thought this was attractive. 

Since then, not much has come up about his interest in wearing women's clothes - he is more focused on his career and doesn't think it's appropriate to cross-dress. BUT more recently (the last year), he has expressed frustration that he would like to be himself more, and that he thinks it's just not "okay". He routinely complains about his clothes, saying he doesn't like men's clothes. He is of small build and says they don't fit him well. 

I am somewhat embarrassed to say that since our early days, I have become more traditional (in some ways), and am not attracted to the cross dressing or any other feminine behaviour he exhibits. He likes to shave his legs and this is a turn-off for me. He has started buying women's underwear and women's razors. This makes me more uncomfortable than I'd like and is killing my attraction and our relationship.

Of course when I bring this up, he gets defensive and feels like I am attacking him. Is it possible for me to change the fact that I am not sexually attracted to him anymore? I don't want to force him to not express himself, but wonder sometimes if he is hiding a part of himself that would like to be more open about, sexually.

We have a young daughter and I would like to have more children; however, if this is going to explode into a scenario where he leaves later on to fully be himself (cross dress in daily life, or move to a more transgendered expression of himself) I am not sure I am interested. He says he can't imagine himself single and without a family, but I'm not sure we aren't just a cover for another life he's wanting to live, but is afraid to.

He is not open with others, including family members, about this side of his sexuality. I feel like in repressing it we are headed in the direction of an affair(on his part) or some other way of self-expressing that he will keep hidden from me because I've said I'm not attracted to him.

I have no idea how to navigate all this in a sensitive but honest way - any advice?


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## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

Ugh! I don't even know what to say. My husband likes to buy women's clothes but nothing overtly feminine, they will pass muster in public with nobody really really noticing. He used to wear women's shorts, just plain shorts but they were women's shorts...very subtle, but I knew and it bothered me. Women's socks, briefcase, and beauty products as well. I let him know I didn't like it and he now just sticks to the beauty products but wears foundation (skin colored make-up) he is on camera a lot and says that's why and he never knows if the make up artist on set will have what he likes, etc. so I'm OK with that but yeah, the whole thing is weird....:scratchhead:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I have nothing to offer on this one except I went out on 2 dates with a woman I liked and she was telling me about her divorce and going through everything and then all of the sudden she said,

"And yeah, I found XXXX was a cross-dresser and putting pictures on the internet out there of him."

Truth is stranger than fiction and I guess this happens a lot.

I didn't think I heard her right and I actually laughed and then I felt bad for laughing because wow. . .that must be really hard on a woman when that happens. She insisted he wasn't gay though and I believed her but she felt all kinds of ways - her oldest son found out and hid it from her because he swore her to secrecy so she felt betrayed.

I don't know why I am sharing this but I don't know. . .I think his behavior/inclination is problematic. I mean. . .it's one thing for a guy to put on a woman's robe to go out to the mailbox and get the paper - that's just fooling around.

But to sit there and say, "Don't I look pretty in this?". . .I think he's playing with fire.

I am not sure you can "counsel" this out of someone though.


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## yogachick (Aug 9, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> I mean. . .it's one thing for a guy to put on a woman's robe to go out to the mailbox and get the paper - that's just fooling around.



Something you'd like to share with us Scannerguard ?


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I don't get the crossdressing thing at ALL. Maybe I'm narrow minded and old fashioned but unless it's for a role in a movie or a play, why does a supposedly straight man feel the NEED to wear women's clothes, underwear and makeup (unless it's to cover up a huge zit or something)???


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Something you'd like to share with us Scannerguard ?


Hey. . .there was nothing else around!


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I read up a bit on cross dressing. It is not weird, but the wives are so upset over it, probably because we are all raised to think that boys who cry are sissies, and men who wear women clothes are not real people. 

"Cross-dressers usually will do this in secret and enjoy when the wife and kids leave the home. They have their day planned! They will even go so far as to shave off body hair, take a hot, perfumed, bubble bath, and dress in something silky. Many males will masturbate (why not ... they are male, yet feel like they are a female at the same time.) However, many cross-dressers just enjoy the feel of certain materials against their bodies and go no further than to dress as a woman. *More and more cross-dressers are "coming out of the closet" and if lucky, their wives will accept the way they are as long as they keep it private and away from friends and family.
Most cross-dressers are private about it and THEY ARE NOT USUALLY GAY....*

Even psychiatrists have a difficult time with this one [why men cross dress]. They feel that it starts around puberty, but, some male children will experiment dressing up in say their sister's clothing and race around the house and turn out to be full-fledged heterosexual males in years to come. Psychiatrists don't seem to know when it starts or really why and what I am typing out is basically a guesstimate on why men choose to dress up as women:
Cross-dressing is another term for transvestism, and this and trans-sexuality and the association of both with homosexuality are often confused, even by some practising cross-dressers. A typical transvestite would be a man who appears quite normal at all times when he is not cross-dressing. He is not likely to be homosexual, will prefer women as his sex partners and will most certainly not want to lose his penis. In contrast, a typical male transsexual will not identify in any way with his physically normal male body. He believes that he is a woman and is trapped in the body of a man. To him, his penis is a mistake of nature and he will want to get rid of it.
Some men use cross-dressing for the purpose of sexual excitement. It seems that the majority of transvestites are no more likely to go on to trans-sexuality than a social drinker is to alcoholism or an occasional cannabis user to injecting hard drugs. Of course everyone has to start somewhere and there is some evidence to suggest that the longer you cross-dress, the further along the continuum may find yourself moving."
WikiAnswers - Why do people cross dress


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